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text-align: left; padding-right: 1em; } - .c022 { vertical-align: top; text-align: left; } - a:link { text-decoration: none; } - div.tnotes { background-color:#E3E4FA;border:1px solid silver; - padding: 1em 5% 1em 5%; margin:1em 5% 0 5%; font-size:90%; - text-align: justify; } - .epubonly {visibility: hidden; display: none; } - @media handheld { .epubonly { visibility: visible; display: inline; } } - .htmlonly {visibility: visible; display: inline; } - @media handheld { .htmlonly { visibility: hidden; display: none; } } - .blackletter { font-family: "Old English Text MT", Gothic, serif; } - @media handheld { .blackletter { font-family: "Century Gothic", Gothic, serif;} } - </style> - </head> - <body> - - -<pre> - -The Project Gutenberg EBook of The English Rogue: Continued in the Life of -Meriton Latroon, and Other Extravagants: Th, by Francis Kirkman and Richard Head - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: The English Rogue: Continued in the Life of Meriton Latroon, and Other Extravagants: The Fourth Part - -Author: Francis Kirkman - Richard Head - -Release Date: August 16, 2016 [EBook #52822] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ENGLISH ROGUE: FOURTH PART *** - - - - -Produced by KD Weeks, Chris Curnow and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -file was produced from images generously made available -by The Internet Archive) - - - - - - -</pre> - - -<div class='tnotes'> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><span class='large'>Transcriber’s Note</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c000'>Given the publication date (late 17th century), the capitalization, spelling -and punctuation of the original, is variable, There are a number of -instances where it is very likely a printer’s error has been made, -These have been corrected, and are summarized in the transcriber’s <a href='#endnote'>note</a> -at the end of the text.</p> - -<div class='htmlonly'> - -<p class='c000'>Corrections appear in the text as <ins class='correction' title='original'>corrected</ins>. The -original text appears as a pop-up when the cursor hovers on the word or phrase.</p> - -</div> - -<p class='c000'>There are several full page panelled illustrations, which were not included -in the pagination, and have been moved slightly in the text in order to avoid -falling within a paragraph. Each panel serves as illustration of a numbered -chapter.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Several concessions to modernity are made. The text employed the long ‘s’ (‘ſ’), -which has been rendered here as a modern ‘s’. Likewise the ligature of ‘ct’ -is given as the two separate characters.</p> - -<div class='epubonly'> - -<p class='c000'>The cover image has been fabricated and is placed in the public domain. Each correction -is linked to the summary in the text.</p> - -</div> - -</div> -<div class='figcenter id001'> -<img src='images/i_frontis.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' /> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> -<div class='nf-center c001'> - <div class='c002'>THE</div> - <div><span class='xlarge'><span class="blackletter">English Rogue</span>:</span></div> - <div class='c002'><span class='small'>Continued in the Life of</span></div> - <div><span class='large'>MERITON LATROON,</span></div> - <div>AND OTHER</div> - <div><span class='large'><i>EXTRAVAGANTS</i>.</span></div> - <div class='c002'><span class='small'>Comprehending the most Eminent</span></div> - <div><span class='xlarge'>CHEATS</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>OF</span></div> - <div><span class='large'>BOTH SEXES.</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-b c002'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Read, <em>but do’nt</em> Practice: <em>for the Author findes,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>They which live</em> Honest <em>have most quiet mindes</em>.</div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in2'><span lang="la" xml:lang="la">Dixero si quid forte jocosius hoc mihi juris</span></div> - <div class='line in2'><span lang="la" xml:lang="la">Cum & enia dabis.</span></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c003' /> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>The <i>Fourth</i> Part.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c003' /> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>With the Illustration of Pictures to every</div> - <div>Chapter.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c003' /> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><i>LONDON</i>,</div> - <div class='c002'>Printed for <i>Francis Kirkman</i>, and are to be Sold by</div> - <div><i>William Rands</i> at the <i>Crown</i> in <i>Duck-lane</i>. 1680.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c004'>THE <br /> PREFACE.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c005'>Gentlemen</p> - -<p class='drop-capa0_4_0_7 c000'>W<em>e see there is a necessity for our travailing in -the common road or</em> High-way <em>of</em> Prefacing; -<em>as if the Reader could neither receive nor digest the</em> -<span lang="la" xml:lang="la">Pabulum mentis</span>, <em>or fatten by the mental nourishment, -without a preparatory. And yet we think it savours -neither of civility, nor good manners to fall on without -saying something of a grace; but we do not love -that it should be so tedious, as to take away your stomack -from the meat, and therefore that we may not be -condemned for that prolixity we mislike in others, we -shall briefly tell you how little we value the favour of -such</em> Readers, <em>who take a pride to blast the</em> Wits <em>of -others, imagining thereby to augment the reputation of -their own: What unexpected success we have obtained -in the publication of the former parts, will keep us -from despairing, that in this we shall be less fortunate -than in the other. But although our</em> Books <em>have been -generally received with great applause, and read with -much delight and satisfaction, at home and abroad, -(having travailed many thousand miles) yet we do -not imagine them to be without their</em> Errata’s, <em>for -which they have suffered very hard Correction; this -is a younger brother to the former, lawfully begotten, -and if you will compare their faces, you will find they -resemble one another very much: Or else match this -pattern with the former cloth, you will find it of the -same colour, wool, and spinning, only it having passed -the curious hands of an excellent</em> Artist, <em>he hath by -shearing and dressing it made it somewhat thinner, -and withall finer, than was intended; however we -hope it will prove a good</em> lasting piece, <em>and serviceable. -You cannot imagin the charge and trouble we -have been at, in raising this building, which we must -acknowledg was erected upon an old foundation. From -the actions of others we gather’d matter, which materials -we methodized, and so formed this structure. We -challenge nothing but the order; it may be called ours, -as the</em> Bucentauro <em>may be now called the same it was -some hundred of years since, when the Pope therein -first married the</em> Duke <em>of</em> Venice <em>to the</em> Seas, <em>having -been from that time so often mended and repaired, as -that it is thought, there is not left a chip of her primitive -building. So what remarkable stories, and strange -relations we have taken up on trust, by hear-say, or -otherwise, we have so altered by augmentation, or -deminution, (as occasion served) that this may be more -properly called a new Composition, rather than an old -Collection, of what witty</em> Extravagancies <em>are therein -contained. As to the verity of those <a id='corrii.24'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='ingenions'>ingenious</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_ii.24'><ins class='correction' title='ingenions'>ingenious</ins></a></span> Exploits, -Subtle Contrivances, crafty projects, horrid -villanies</em>, &c. <em>we have little to say, but though we shall -not assert the truth of them all, yet there are none, -which carry not circumstances enough to make apparent -their probability. And you may confidently believe, -that most of them have been lately acted, though -not by one, two, three, a score, nay many more. To conclude, -(least we tire your patience with tedious preambles) -it is our desire that you will have a charitable -opinion of us, and censure not our writings according -to their desert; we are ready to condemn them, before -you examine their faults, what would ye more? We -are not insensible, that</em> ours <em>are many, and are forc’t to -bear the burden of the</em> Printers <em>too; we know the stile -is mean and vulgar, so are the Interlocutors, and therefore -most requisite and allowable; the Subject is Evil, -(you say) and may vitiate the Reader; the</em> Bee <em>gathers -honey from the worst of weeds; and the</em> Toad <em>poison, -from the best of Herbs. An ignorant young</em> Plowman -<em>learn’d from a Sermon how to steal an Ox, by the Parsons -introducing a Simile; even as</em> the stubborn Horn -is made soft, pliable, and to be shaped as you please, -by laying a Hot loaf thereon; <em>so is &c. which he -trying so effectually chang’d the form of the</em> Ox-head, -<em>that the right Owner knew not his own Beast. There is -no matter so good, but may be perverted, which is worst -of all, for</em>, <span lang="la" xml:lang="la">Corruptio optimi est pessima</span>; <em>and there is -no Subject so bad, out of which some good may not be -collected; this drolling discourse, will, I question not, -in the reading, prove not only facetious, but profitable, -which if you find, we have obtain’d our desired end.</em></p> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>(<span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>Omne tulit punctum qui miscuit utile dulci.</em></span>)</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c000'><em>And subscribe our selves</em></p> - -<div class='c006'>Your Friends and Servants</div> -<div class='c007'><em>Richard Head</em>. <em>Fra. Kirkman</em>.</div> - -<div class='figcenter id002'> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_1'>1</span> -<img src='images/i_001.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' /> -</div> - -<div> - <h1 class='c008'>THE <br /> <span class='xlarge'>ENGLISH ROGUE</span></h1> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> -<div class='nf-center c002'> - <div><span class='small'>Continued in the Life of</span></div> - <div class='c002'><span class='large'>MERITON LATROON,</span></div> - <div class='c002'>AND OTHER</div> - <div class='c002'><span class='xlarge'>EXTRAVAGANTS.</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c009' /> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><i>PART, IV.</i></div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c009' /> - -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c004'>CHAP. I.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><em>Sayling from St.</em> Helena, &c. <em>Landing at</em> Messina, -<em>the Captain</em>, Latroon, &c. <em>sell Ship and Goods; -the Seamen falling out and killing one another, -they leave them and go for</em> Palermo; <em>Thence they -travel into the Country, and describe it with its -Rarities and Wonders. A comical Adventure in -a house supposedly haunted, as they travelled -through</em> Gergento <em>with their Mulletteer</em>.</p> - -<p class='drop-capa0_4_0_7 c011'>Whilst we anchored at the Island of St. <em>Helena</em> -there happened a sad Accident; whilst -we were recreating and refreshing our selves in the -Island, one of our men (that brought us ashore in -the Skiff) being an excellent Swimmer, stript himself, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_2'>2</span>and over the side of the Boat he went, he had -not been long in the water before such as stood -on the shore to see him swim, perceived a <em>Shark</em> -to make towards him; who cryed out, A <em>Shark</em>, -a <em>Shark</em>, hasten to the Boat; which he did with -incredible speed, and had laid his hands on her -side as the <em>Shark</em> snapt at his Leg, and having it -in his mouth turned on his back, and twisted it -off from his knee. The fellow protested to me -that when this was done, he felt no pain any -where but under his Arm-pits; the fellow was -drest and perfectly cur’d; afterwards this very -<em>Shark</em> was taken by one of our men, fishing for -him with a great piece of Raw-Beef, and when -his belly was ripp’d open, the Leg was found -whole therein. From St. <em>Helena</em>, having taken -in fresh water, and gotten in some other refreshment -that the Island afforded, we set sail with a -fresh breeze and good weather.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Our Captain getting himself into the great -Cabbin, gave the word for me, I coming to him, -now, said he, let you and I have a little private -discourse together, to the intent that we may -perfect with safety what we have enterpriz’d with -hazard. You know my full intent as to the disposing -of the Ship and Goods to my own use and -benefit, excepting only what is yours, and the -rest of our Comrades: What your old friend in -Breeches hath with great hazard ventur’d for, let -her enjoy it freely since she hath deserved it, and that -you may see the frankness of my Spirit, go, get -our friends together that I may inform them, -that though I play the Rogue with others, -yet I will be just to them; your <em>Newgate</em> -Birds will have such as wrong their own fraternity -<span class='pageno' id='Page_3'>3</span>to be stigmatiz’d, and branded with a name -of Infamy indelible.</p> - -<p class='c012'>I quickly got them together, and having provided -for us what Meat and Liquors (the best) -he had aboard, he then told us that we were all -heartily welcome, and that he was now, more -than ever our friend, and having taken a good -lusty draught of what he had before him, seeing -it go round; friends and fellow-Travellers, said he, -from my Childhood I have had wondrous and -various vicissitudes of Fortune, in so much that -though the relation of several of your lives which -I have had, seems very strange and eminently remarkable -to me, yet when you shall hear me giving -you an account of the transactions of my life, -which I shall trouble you with very speedily, you -will look upon them as incredible as <em>Mounsieur</em> -St. <em>Serfs</em> Voyage into the Moon, or the Travels -of Sir <em>John Mandivle</em>; In all the various windings -and turnings of my life, I never was settled -long in one Condition. It is true, from very low -and mean beginnings I have got to the height of -considerable employments, from a Parish Child, -I was for my Rogueries condemned to be transported, -by subtle deportment and insinuating behaviour -I changed my Doom, and was made -Cabbin-boy, from thence I did gradually rise -passing through every Office that doth belong to -a Ship till I was constituted a Captain, several -Voyages I have made to most parts of the known -World, and have gotten great sums of money, -but no sooner did I call it my own, but it vanished -by shipwrack, or I was taken Prisoner and lost -it that way. I am now in my declension, and -having a fairer opportunity than ever I yet had, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_4'>4</span>or ever thought to have to enrich my self, and sit -down quietly in some remote Corner of the World, -I am resolved to lay hold on it. And now coming -near the Coast of <em>Europe</em> I shall tell you my resolution, -that I intend to make my self a voluntary -Exile to my own Countrey. In order thereunto -I shall shape my course for the <em>Streights</em>, which -will harbor my design in disposing of my goods, -neither will it be prejudicial to you to accompany -me thither, since from thence you may dispose -your selves to the best and most flourishing Countries -of the World.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Here he paused a while to hear our opinion, -which we acquainted him with unanimously, that -we were very joyful to continue longer in his -company, and that we would see him anchored -in his designed Port, or run what ever fortune -should befal him; having assured him this, he -continued his discourse: Since I know your minds, -and am, and shall be obliged to you for your -societies, I shall endeavour to requite your kindnesses: -and that my words may not seem airy -pretences without performances, I shall make -this Proposition which if granted, you shall know -how I have studied a way to gratifie you. It is -this, Master <em>Latroon</em>, the Scrivener there, and -Drugster, shall give each of them one hundred -pounds a piece to Mistress <em>Dorothy</em>, and that I -may not exempt my self from helping her forward -into the World, I will give the like sum with this -Box of rough Diamonds, which I know is worth -as much more; we all consented: next, said he, -every man according to his stock of money expended -in the procuration of what Commodities -we have aboard upon the Sale thereof shall receive -<span class='pageno' id='Page_5'>5</span>it again, and his profit thereof according to -proportion, with an equal dividend of what Goods -was taken upon credit. You shall see me so just -to you, that I will somewhat injure my self by -taking no fraught from you, but instead thereof -the principal Officers shall share with us, and the -private Seamen shall have double pay out of the -same Goods which we took upon trust.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Upon this we all agreed, and the noise of this -Agreement running through the Ship, the nicest -of them all from the highest to the lowest liked -so well the Knavish-generosity of our Captain, -that they all caper’d for joy, and having brought -out what Brandy they had on the Decks, drinking -the Captains Health, protesting to serve him -with their lives, they received Commands to stand -away for <em>Sicilia</em>, where in a little time we safely -came to an Anchor.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Arriving at <em>Sicilia</em> an Island of the Mediterranean-Sea, -seated between <em>Italy</em> and <em>Africk</em>, we -made choice of <em>Messina</em>, a City as it is the most -illustrious one, in that all-fruitful and ever-flourishing -Island, so it is for all manner of forreign -Commerce as much crowded with the great Conflux -of strangers as most places in <em>Europe</em>; here -we landed, and soon found it the onely place of the -world that would best fit our purpose: The Joy -that possess’d such especially that had never been -there before, undoubtedly would have over-swell’d -its Banks and become boundless, had not the prudent -foresight of some of us hindred its increase -by informing there were some black threatning -Clouds of danger still hung over our heads, and -that we could not be safe till we had settled our -affairs by the sale of our Ship and Goods, then -<span class='pageno' id='Page_6'>6</span>if they would ride post to their pleasures none -should stop them in their Carreer; this something -qualified their exultation and rejoycing, -and every one officiated in his proper function.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Our Commodities were not only excellently -good in their kind, but extraordinary rich and -valuable, the knowledge whereof soon reaching -the ears of the Inhabitants and Merchants of -<em>Messina</em>, they came in Droves to us, because it -was troublesome to deal with so many, we resolv’d -to make a quick market of the Continent and -things contained, Ship and <em>Cargo</em> altogether. -This Proposition better pleas’d those wealthy -Citizens, than if we had plaid the Hucksters with -our Commodities, wherefore two of the most -wealthy and greatest account amongst them -bought all, paying us ready money without a -penny Credit. After that every man had received -his share or dividend proportionably, and according -to a general Agreement; we divided our -selves into parties as Interest or Inclination lead -us. The Captain, Scrivener, Drugster, <em>Jane, Doll</em>, -and my self were of one company, the Sea-men -with the Under-officers of the ship divided themselves -into several Gangs or Squadrons, who having -more money now than their Great grand-fathers -ever told in their lives, fell into such an -excess of Debauchery, that the Citizens thought -that Hell had plotted a Conspiracy to disturb -their quiet, and these were the Emissaries who -should put it in execution.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Getting drunk they frequently quarrell’d about -their <em>Sicilian</em> wenches, and indeed to give them -their due they seem by the out-side to be worth -the going to Logger-heads for, sometimes they -<span class='pageno' id='Page_7'>7</span>fell together by the ears, in that one that deserved -not to have a quarter so much as himself, yet had -full as much; and now having store of money -they regarded their gentility, in that manner that -they stood upon every punctilio to defend it from -the calumnies and aspersions of such who had -but a little before been <em>hail fellow, well met</em>: so -that now the least seeming affront would not go -down with them, unless it were steept in the -blood that dropt from the Nose of the Affronter, -when there was a cessation of Arms among themselves, -then would they ramble about the streets -like mad men, abusing whomever they met, and -were well chasten’d for their pains, several of -them coming short home.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The City began now to mutter, and verily believed -them to be a parcel of Rogues that had -sold what was none of their own, and probably -to the ruin of many an honest man; and was -therefore resolved to endure this outrage no -longer.</p> - -<p class='c012'>We hearing this, thought our selves very unsafe -whilst in <em>Messina</em>, and therefore concluded to remove -thence to <em>Palermo</em>, a City in the same -Island of <em>Sicilia</em>. By enquiry I found the most -convenient and customary way of travelling thither -was by <em>Mules</em>, which are plentiful for Hire; -I bargained for as many as would conveniently -carry our company which were six, and our money; -and so with as much privacy as we could we departed -<em>Messina</em>; these <em>Mules</em> travelled very commodiously -with us, and carried us over the mountains -both with speed and security; and although -it was an hundred and eighty miles from the City -we left behind us, to <em>Palermo</em>, yet we got thither -in less then four days.</p> - -<p class='c012'><span class='pageno' id='Page_8'>8</span>In this famous City of <em>Palermo</em> (the fairest of -all others of <em>Sicily</em>, and at present the Metropolis -and Regal Seat) we stayed some considerable -time, and laying aside for a while our shifting and -cheating, <em>&c.</em> having enough, that we might employ -our wits and inventions in nothing but contriving -variety of Recreations, and Pleasures, -which were the novel, we cared not at what excessive -rate we purchas’d them.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The Captain and my self being more than half -glutted with City delights resolved, for some few -days to travel into the Countrey, and since it was -so famously noted, we would not leave it till we -had seen those Excellencies and Rarities wherewith -it injoyes Fames Trumpet through the -whole Universe. In order thereunto taking our -leave of our Friends, and promising to return -within five or six days, we proceeded in our progress. -In our short Itinerary we saw many brave -Towns, and wonderful Places, which told, would -exceed belief, as Mount <em>Ætna</em>, and <em>Mongibello</em>, -<em>Strombellow</em>, <em>&c.</em> which though it belcheth inexpressible -and continual fire out of its bowels, yet -hath its head notwithstanding (on that part where -the fire issues) covered with deep Snow till the -midst of Summer. In <em>Meunenino</em> is the lake -<em>Nastia</em>, where in three Eddies you may perfectly -perceive boyling water, which gurgles up with an -intolerable stink, and sometimes you may see it -spew up flames of fire. It hath likewise in sundry -other places divers other fountains of admirable -nature and quality.</p> - -<p class='c012'>In some Caves and Grots we were shown by -the people, we saw the vastly big and immense -bodies of men in former time, which were -accounted Monsters of Men or Gyants, or to -<span class='pageno' id='Page_9'>9</span>verifie the matter, they believe themselves that a -long time since, the <em>Cyclops</em> inhabited their Island. -We found the People generally acute, and quick-witted, -very facetious, and of a jolly temper, -which suited well with the Nature of the Countrey. -For to be brief, this Island is not inferiour -to any other, either for its fatness or abundance; -exceeding <em>Italy</em> in the excellency of their Grain, -Saffron, Honey, Beasts-skins, and other things -either for Profit or pleasure, in so much that as it -was call’d by <em>Tully</em> the Granary of the world, so -<em>Homer</em> call’d it the Island of the Sun, and would -have us believe all things grew there spontaneously -of their own accord; the salubrity of the -air is very excellent, as well as the abundance of -terrene sustenance, and plenty of all things necessary -for mans use, and indeed may be counted -the best, which it either affords naturally, or produceth -by man’s ingenuity.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Wild-oats grow there, without sowing, and the -Vines without planting; their Wines are most -delicate, their fruit of all sorts grow with great -plenty and goodness; to be short, there is nothing -wanting which may not only delight the eye, but -please the most critical Palat with whatever may -be accounted gustful.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Being almost tired with variety of objects -abroad, and being not willing to trust our Comrads -at home too much, fearing the temptation -of a too long absence, we concluded to return, -which I perceived was no small trouble to our -<em>Mulletteer</em>, whom we hired to shew us the Countrey, -and the rather, because he could indifferently -speak good <em>English</em>, intelligible at least, -for this Rogue had not been accustomed to fare -as we made him do, and therefore he had been -<span class='pageno' id='Page_10'>10</span>well content to have travelled through the whole -Universe at that Rate. Being homewards bound, -and the day being far spent, we came to a place -called <em>Gergento</em>, near which is the Territory of -<em>Matharuca</em>, a small Town, in which there were -but few houses; however we rode up to the best -of them, and commanded our Guide to ask whether -we might have entertainment there that -night: The Master of the house took it as a great -affront that his house should be accounted an Inn, -and answered him snappishly that he might look -his masters lodging where it was made a profession -to accommodate Passengers on the road: he -asked him, where such accommodation might be -had? to which the other replyed, he knew none -nearer than three Leagues.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Our Guide told us what he said, which nettel’d -me to some purpose; insomuch that I could not -but express some passion, and a great deal of -trouble that we should be exposed to the travelling -so far, and so late; which the Gentleman -taking notice of, seeing by my Garb I must be a -Gentleman, though a stranger, and therefore -could not be ignorant of the <em>Latine</em> tongue so -ornamental and universally useful, addrest himself -very civilly to me, and desired me (in <em>Latine</em>) -that I would take no exception at whatever had -pass’d, that though his house was no Inn, yet -he should be very glad to accommodate any -Gentleman with a Lodging, especially in such -an extremity, had he not been that very day -deprived of the means by the arrival of -some friends of his from <em>Syracusa</em>, which had -filled his house excepting only one Room, -which if I would not think with my friend too -mean and unworthy for our reception, he should -<span class='pageno' id='Page_11'>11</span>gladly spare it, and with it, what the house afforded. -I tendered him in the behalf of my self and -the Captain a thousand thanks, in the same -tongue, though not in so quaint a dialect, being -somewhat deficient in the propriety and Ideom -of that noble Language, assuring him we should -not be so forgetful as to prove ingrateful for this -favour he was pleased to confer upon us; upon -this we dismounted, and giving our Mules to our -Guide we were conducted into a very handsome -Rome by this <span lang="it" xml:lang="it"><em>Seignior de Domo</em></span>, and caressed by -him and his newly arrived friends as if we had -been of their antient acquaintance. I could hardly -forbear laughing outright to see what a confusion -the Captain was in, when they spake to him, for -they spake to him in their own tongue, which is -a rough <em>Italian</em> without any sweetness, which they -perceiving he understood not, they spake <em>Latine</em>, -and then <em>Spanish</em>, of all which he understood not -so much as to make sense, and therefore answered -them in <em>French</em>, which none of them understood, -so that when he saw the distorting of his eyes -and mouth, which was shaped in a hundred -forms (partly for confusion, and partly for vexation) -would not interpret his meaning; he applied -himself to his fingers, telling his story after such -an antick manner, that as I laught, the Company -had much ado to forbear bearing me company: -Seeing him grow almost angry, I thought it high -time to make an Apology for him, pretending -that what I said, was what he would have said, -but that his language was <em>non-intelligent</em> in the -Company.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Supper, by that time we had chatted a little -longer (<span lang="it" xml:lang="it"><em>modo Italiano</em></span>) was served to the Table, and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_12'>12</span>with some Ceremony seated our selves, without -his Wife or Daughters, although he had both, -and as I afterwards found, had such angelical -countenances, that in stead of obscuring or absconding -so great a lustre, he might have gloried -in communicating their external perfections to -our sight, which were illustrated by the adjuncts -of so many transcendent concurrences of beautiful -<em>Ideas</em>.</p> - -<p class='c012'>We did not <em>German</em>-like after this Evenings -Repast, presently fall to drinking as if we had -lately swallowed the Offals of half a dozen -slaughter-houses, and now were pouring down -liquor in abundance to sweeten the Funnel or -cleanse the Common-shore that the filth had contaminated -within us; but instead thereof we entred -into very pleasant and agreeable discourse, -every one having the liberty of inlarging it as he -thought fit without interruption.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Among a great variety of several Subjects, that -of Phantasms and Aparitions fell in our way, one -affirming he believ’d that though Spirits might -appear formerly, yet it would not enter into his -belief that now there was any such thing; Nay, -said another, methinks you may be easily convinc’d -of the contrary by those Legions of stories -to this purpose, so that I should think there should -be some Fire whence all this Smoak comes. Said -the Master of the house, if you will not believe -what is contained in so many Volumes written -by the Pens of so many learned and pious Divines, -believe yet the reports of such as now are -living, have seen Phantasms in several shapes, -and have heard their terrifying noise, amongst -whom I am one, and I shall tell you to my great -<span class='pageno' id='Page_13'>13</span>trouble that this very house of mine is to this -day, from a considerable time since, afflicted with -horrible Apparitions. Gentlemen, said he, fear -not, he confines himself to one Room only, and -so, that he that lyeth in the next, shall be so far -from being disturbed, that he shall neither see -nor hear anything: and this is the Room, speaking -to us, which this disturbed Fiend makes his -Rendezvouz, and for no other reason I refused -you Lodging, all my other Rooms being prepossess’d -by those Gentlemen my <em>Amigo’s</em>. This -shall not daunt us, said I, but we will lie there -this night that we may resolve to morrow what -is now much doubted.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Bidding them good night, several offer’d themselves -to accompany us till morn, but we refus’d -it, judging their proffer a Complement by the -pallid hue of their countenances. It was not long -after our departure e’re every one in the whole -house betook themselves to their respective Chambers -there to take their rest. My stout Captain -(as I have sufficiently made appear) had no mind -to take any, either for fear he should be caught -napping by the Fiend, or else seeing him by -flight, escape him; I was partly of his mind too, -rather desiring to contend with a thousand men -than one Devil. The Captain and my self sate -up in our Room till we judg’d it to be about -midnight, and then seeing nothing (our eyes being -almost shut by sitting up so long) we went to bed, -and quickly fell asleep.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Our <em>Mulletteer</em> (either having not filled his belly -at Supper, or the remembrance of such excellent -food which he had seen not letting him sleep till -he had the other bout with it) got up where he -<span class='pageno' id='Page_14'>14</span>lay, and having observed where the Servants had -placed on a shelf a large <a id='corr14.2'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='Mish'>Dish</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_14.2'><ins class='correction' title='Mish'>Dish</ins></a></span> of most incomparable -food in a small Closet accompanied with -several flasks of <em>Flowrence</em>-wine, he softly crope -down the stairs, and got to this Room where the -delights of his heart stood, but endeavouring to -take down the dish (which proving too heavy for -him to manage) slipt out of his hands, and in its -fall broke down a small shelf that had a great -many Pewter-plates thereon, with other rattling -stuff, all which together made a fearful noise, and -so great that not a Person in the house but what -awak’d thereat; but such was their Courage that -not one of them would stir, for they now really -concluded the Spirit was come, as for my own -part my Captain and self were so terrified and -affrighted at this hideous noise that we now believed -what reports we heard, and therefore were -resolved to lye a bed, and sweat our selves to -death, rather than rise in that reaking condition -and endanger our lives by catching cold, as the -sweat dropt from us, so we trembled that the bed -shook, I am sure it was not with cold.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Whilst we were in this fearful Agony, the -Rogue our <em>Mulletteer</em>, who listning what effects -this clutting Alarm would produce, and hearing -no person stirring, concluded we were all dead -asleep through the whole house, fell on manfully -on the Cheer that was before him, getting out -some Bottles of Wine, interloyning every bit with -a large soop of the bottle, having now stuft his -gut and fill’d his head with the fumes of Wine, -which he drank at no aim, he gets to the stairs, -but the covetous and provident Rascal fearing he -should be dry before morning, steps back and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_15'>15</span>takes with him a flask of that wine he had already -so freely drank of, and mounts the stairs softly -with it in his hand, advancing to the top of the -stairs, directly against which our Chamber-door -stood, he stumbled upon the head of the stairs, -and endeavouring to save himself and the Bottle, -he raised that hand aloft, wherein it was, and -falling, not being able to recover himself, dasht -the Bottle against our door with so much fury, -that I do not think there was a piece of the glass -in the flask the breadth of a shilling, the suddain -surprize of this dismal and horrid thump made -the Captain start with such a leap that he fell -out of the bed, bearing the Bed-staff with him -which so rattled in his fall, that this added very -much to the horrour that had invaded all our -spirits. This noise in our Chamber confirmed the -justness of their fears throughout the house, only -that of our Mulletters was of a different nature; -for he believing his Masters (as he call’d us) were -getting up to find what was the matter, endeavoured -to get down the said way he got up, but -groaping with his hands, met with the shattered -flask on the top of the stairs, which tumbling -down to the bottom, the noise of the fractur’d -glass perfectly resembled the gingling of Chains.</p> - -<p class='c012'>It is impossible for me to characterize their -fear and fright, both which together had so totally -routed what courage they had within them, that -a Corporal Pygmie with two files of revolted -Cranes would at that time have taken them all -Prisoners. Our <em>Mulletteer</em> fearing by this second -alarm that he should now infallibly wake some of -the house; who finding him in that condition -would undoubtedly suspect him of some vilanous -Design, therefore thought it his safest way to -<span class='pageno' id='Page_16'>16</span>march down again, and lay his Carkass any -where till it was day, Being half way down the -stairs, he could hear the voice of one crying, <span lang="it" xml:lang="it"><em>Il -Diabolo, Il Diabolo</em></span>, The Devil, the Devil, repeating -it often, which so affrighted him that he -thought to have returned back, but hearing the -noise go from him, with the trampling of feet on -the stones as in flight, he boldly pursued them, -<span lang="it" xml:lang="it"><em>Questo Diabolo</em></span>, what Devil, and where, I am none, -but I will see what Devil you are. These were -three Rogues which had a long time design’d to -rob this house, not living far off it; who were well -acquainted with this house, and had heard that -it was visited by Phantasms; now as they were -about to mount the stairs they met with the flask, -and broken glass in it, which frighted them away -from that enterprize as effectually, as if the Devil -with the gingling his Chains had come to meet -them.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Our <em>Mulletteer</em> had not been so long a Rogue, -condemned twice to be a Gally slave, and very -narrowly escap’d from being broken on the wheel, -but that he quickly smelt the plot of these three -Night-walkers, that they were only bent on mischief, -so taking advantage of the fright their -guilty Consciences put them in, he seized one of -their Swords, which he exercised so well that -they found they had another sort of spirit to deal -with, than what they had fled from; it being a -<em>Devil incarnate</em>; disarming the Thieves he raised -the house, but with much ado, and had not done -it, had he not shown their light in their Dark lanthorn, -none yet daring to be so bold as to come -down in the dark to light a Candle; and now they -began to creep out of their Chambers with as much -caution, as if their way had been planted with -<span class='pageno' id='Page_17'>17</span><em>Spanish</em>-needles. The Captain and my self waited -when some others would stir first, and others exspected -the like from us, but at length casting off -this enslaving Cowardise, we went down the stairs, -meeting with the Gentleman of the house, accompanied -with some of his last nights Guests, -and so descended into the Court-yard together, -where we found our <em>Mulletteer</em> with Swords -enough to furnish us all, his Captives lying at his -feet not daring to stir; these, said he, are the -Devils that haunt this house, but I will lay them -for you, I will conjure them far enough off if you -will but say the word; leading them into the -Hall, we met with one of the Menials of the -house whose haste had made him (after an hours -consideration what was best to be done) to leave -his Doublet behind him, yet forgot not his -Sword.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Upon his first Examination they confest what -they intended to do, that there was four more -in their company who had made their escape, -but were ignorant of what they carryed with -them. Their own confession was a sufficient conviction, -and so they were secured for the present, -by tying Neck and Heels together.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The old Gentleman missing some of his friends, -began to condemn them for their sluggishness, and -supinity; come, said he, let us take them napping -and in that posture upbraid them with their -sloath: We hereupon followed him up stairs, and -entring their Chambers found nought but the -furniture therein; without speaking one word, -away he ran hastily to his Daughters Chamber, -but found that as empty of Lodgers as the rest; -and a Cabinet which he committed to her custody -<span class='pageno' id='Page_18'>18</span>gone, which was worth a very valuable sum: -at the sight hereof you might have blown the -old Gentleman down, had not passion animated -him and kept him up from sinking, which he discharg’d -so violently on those that were left behind, -which were the aged Kindred of the young man -that had stoln this fair Maid away, that as much -as ever they could do to bear the shock, but at -last unanimously protesting they were innocent -and ignorant of what was done, and promising -they would use their utmost assistance and endeavour -in the speedy restitution of his Daughter -inviolated, he believ’d them guiltless, and begg’d -them to be as good as their word.</p> - -<p class='c012'>And now consulting what he should do with -his Prisoners, he was advised to send his man for -an Officer, and secure them in a place not far -distant, erected for the confinement of Felons, -Murderers, &c. as he was going out he had forgot -his Doublet for haste, although he had his -Sword on, wherefore he was call’d back, who -being ordered to fetch it first, was prevented by -the Maids coming full butt as he was going in the -search thereof, he would have pass’d her, had I -not perceived she had a thing like a Waste-coat -on, and therefore calling to him, said, Save -your self the labour, here is what you are going -to seek for; coming back he found his Doublet -on the maids back, I imagining whence this Mistake -did arise, to make our sorrowful Landlord a -little sport, Sir, said I, Do you not see your Maid -hath got your mans Doublet already, and will -no doubt, get his Breeches too if you do not prevent -it; and then looking to his leggs and seeing -what a traiterous mistake he had committed; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_19'>19</span>Do you Sir, said I, buy your mans Stockings of -two different colours, the one is blue, you see, -the other grey; hereupon the maids Stockings -were examined and found to be on the one side -gray, the other side true blue. This made the -Company all laugh, neither could the old Gentleman -forbear to smile, but having other business -to think on, commanded them to restore to -each other what they had borrowed, and he -would take a time to examine the cause thereof, -plain enough from what was seen to outward appearance.</p> - -<p class='c012'>These Rogues being committed to a publick -Goal, he could not be quiet but he must go into -his Daughters Chamber again, and upon a review -thereof found a Letter directed to him, to -this purpose:</p> - -<p class='c012'>Sir,</p> -<p class='drop-capa0_4_0_7 c013'>Y<em>ou may justly blame me for leaving your -House without your consent or privity, but -when you shall consider it was to avoid my eternal -ruine, I hope the Sentence and Punishment which -my disobedience doth deserve may prove more favourably -merciful; hitherto you have been the -sole Monarch of both mind and body, but play not -the Tyrant by making my will your eternal Slave. -Sir, Youth cannot look through those Spectacles -which are useful to Age, nor can my inclination -suit with your choice. I am now with him whom -I love more than my self, nor can I esteem of that -Gentleman of</em> Catania <em>whom you have selected for -me, otherwise than the designed Murderer of my -quiet. If you will sequester me from my Choice, I -will seclude my self from all in a Monastery.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'>Having read these lines he raved out-right, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_20'>20</span>some times condemning his rigid destiny, then -exclaiming against the perfidiousness of such who -under the pretence of friendship should be his -undoers; But having tired himself with these -fruitless complaints, he soberly ask’d our advice -what he should do in this intricacy. We all advised -him to follow them close at heels with all -imaginable expedition, the Captain and my self -promising him our Company in the search; the -next day mounted we rode the way wherein we guest -the Gentlemen were gone with the young Gentlewoman, -and having rid about ten miles from -<em>Gergento</em>, the place from whence we came, we -overtook two fellows who gave us cause to suspect -them by their looks and habits, whilst I was -acquainting the old Gentleman with my thoughts -of them, they liking not our whispering betook -themselves to their heels, which so increased our -jealousie, that with Whip and Spur I soon overtook -them, they resisted me for a while, but being -overpoured by number yielded, searching -them we found little money, the old Gentleman -viewing them strictly, saw his own Coat upon -one of their backs, and now concluding that -these were the Rogues that had his Cabinet too, -made a very strict research but to no purpose, -they denying they had ever seen such a thing; -but this served not their turns, and although we -should hinder our intent in prosecuting a better -discovery, yet we thought it very requisite to return -and secure them with the rest of their fellows.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Coming home to his own house, he understood -that the maid which particularly had waited a long -time on his Daughter was suddenly gone, giving to -none an account why or wherefore, but she was -<span class='pageno' id='Page_21'>21</span>watch’d to go such a way: We were now all verily -perswaded she was gone in quest of her Mistress, -and that by tracking her, we should know where she -was. The advise was well resented and speedily -prosecuted, with such good success, as in less than a -days time we found this Gillian and her companion -footing it in great haste towards <em>Catania</em>, -but we soon stopt their Journey, and discovered, -they had got what the poor Gentlewoman was -accused of, she had given it to her Friend to carry, -but they were both like to bear the weight of the -burthen. Examining her, she confest when she saw -her Mistress was gone from her Father, and imagining -she would be suspected to carry the Cabinet -with her, (which would support her, should her -Father frown for ever) she took that opportunity -to enrich her self, and that Friend with her.</p> - -<p class='c012'>It was well this timely discovery was made for -the five Rogues in Goal, it was as good as a Pardon -after condemnation past, and now the old -Gentleman seeing he had lost nothing, and that -his Daughter with her disobedience was unjustly suspected -a thief, he franckly protested before us all, -that he would never put a restriction on his -Daughters choice, but would freely give his consent -to whom she thought so worthy as to be her -Husband; This Protestation was immediately -dispatch’d away, by one that knew where our -Lovers were, which happy News recall’d them -home to their mutual satisfactions, and that the -sufferings of her Maid and Friend might not eclipse -the Joy and Gladness which attended their -Hymenial Rites, she begg’d her Father to forgive -them all, who to gratifie their desires prosecuted -<span class='pageno' id='Page_22'>22</span>none of those notorious Offenders; and so we shall -leave this joyful Couple to spin out the Thread of -their delight equally to that of their lives education.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c002'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in2'><em>Were ever men so scar’d, did ever fright</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>So seize weak Mortals in the dead of night?</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Could a bare noise affright when nought appear’d?</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>And being afraid we knew not what we fear’d:</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>One hid his head all underneath the cloaths,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Lest that the Fiend should take him by the Nose:</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Dumb was he too, for not a word did pass,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Lest that should tell him where about he was.</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>My Friend, the Captain, whom I will not wrong,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Did ne’re before to me smell half so strong:</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>My panting heart (I almost stew’d to death)</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Did beat so fast I could not draw my breath.</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Now comes the worst, the noise approach’d more near,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>All things combin’d for to increase our fear.</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Mounting the stairs Old</em> Nick <em>was drunk I think,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>To break his Bottle, and to spill his drink:</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>The ratling Flask tumbling the stairs amain,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Did make us think the Devil shook his Chain.</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>But now th’ appearance of the Morning-light,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Gave us new life, and put our fears to flight:</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>For now we found, for all the peoples talk,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>The Sp’rit was quiet, but the Thieves did walk.</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>This house these haunted which were worser Evils,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Than Fiends or Goblins, Damn’d-incarnate-Devils.</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>This Apparition plainly did discover,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>That this same night the Maid lay with her Lover.</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>For the Stockings and the Doublet did disclose,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>The match they made had thus mismatch’d their Cloths.</em></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_23'>23</span> - <h2 class='c004'>CHAP. II.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><em>They are ship’d from</em> Palermo <em>to</em> Naples, <em>by the -way Mistress</em> Dorothy <em>continues the story of her -Hostess who was hanged with her Husband for -a Murder, the like was never heard of, her notorious -<a id='corr22.6'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='eonfession'>confession</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_22.6'><ins class='correction' title='eonfession'>confession</ins></a></span> at the Gallows of all her former -Villanies</em>: Latroons <em>reflections on it. Mistress</em> -Dorothy <em>and her Companion the Souldier, return -for</em> London.</p> - -<p class='drop-capa0_4_0 c011'>Our <em>Mulletteer</em> was very well rewarded by our -Entertainer, for the prevention of so much -mischief, which had undoubtedly befel the Gentleman, -had not this fellow gone down at that unseasonable -time to stuff his insatiate guts. And now -taking our leaves (the Gentleman and his friends -being very unwilling and sorrowful to part with -our Companies) away we came shaping our course -for <em>Palermo</em>, where being arriv’d and finding out -those Friends we had left too long, infinite was our -satisfaction of meeting thus together again, but I -I thought my <em>Jinny</em> would have been transported -with joy when she saw me, but recovering her self, -she check’d me severely for staying so long from -her beyond my promise. Our caresses were accompanied -with what choice Viands and Wine -the City could produce.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Having now pleased our sight with the curiosities -of this place, we concluded upon a remove; and -the next place pitcht on was <em>Naples</em>, and to the intent -we might convey our moneys with greater safety -thither, we took up Bills at <em>Palermo</em> for 5000 -<span class='pageno' id='Page_24'>24</span>pounds, drawn upon a Merchant of <em>Naples</em>, <a id='corr24.1'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='payaable'>payable</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_24.1'><ins class='correction' title='payaable'>payable</ins></a></span> -ten days after sight. Having shipp’d our selves, -with all conveniences, that our Voyage might not -seem tedious, I desired Mistress <em>Dorothy</em> to divert -the Company with the continuation of her Story. -Ah Master <em>Latroon</em>! (said she) your Request renews -my grief, by putting me in mind of the loss -of my dear Companion <em>Mall</em>, however I shall endeavour -to satisfie your desire, and having given -a summary account to the Captain and the rest, -which had not heard anything of her former relation, -of what was before discovered, she commenc’d -her following discourse where she before left off, -<em>viz.</em> her coming acquainted with the Soldier, and -then she thus proceeded.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Being rid of my great Belly, and having now -gotten me a good round sum of money, I took -my pleasure with as much freedom as my unlimited -desires could prompt me to, I was frequently -at the old womans the Hostess, (<em>alias</em> my -Procuress) where I found conveniences for all my -secret, crafty, and pleasant Designs, and indeed to -give her her due, she was no Back-friend to me, this -was the place which I made my general Rendezvouz; -here I did use to meet with my Friends, -and here did I converse with my Soldier of Fortune -(as I have already told you) before I make -any further progress, give me leave to rehearse a -Copy of Verses (which I got by heart) of his own -composition, which he made upon the cunning -trick he found in conjuring for food for his hungry -Landlord and his own half famisht worship, -which were these:</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c002'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><span class='pageno' id='Page_25'>25</span><em>Hunger’s a Whetstone that so sharpens Wit,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>It cuts away for some to feed by it.</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>For stomacks cramm’d with Lethargies do blind</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>The active wit, and hebetates the mind.</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>The Grammer-school when it hath spawn’d the Fry</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Either to</em> Oxford <em>or to</em> Cambridge <em>hye:</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Where lest they should by too much food grow dull,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>They scarce in seven years have their belly full.</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>That Barresters at Bar may louder bawl,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>See the short Commons that art in the Hall.</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>’Tis plenty rusts our Valour, when we need,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Rather than starve, we there can bravely bleed:</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>For food we fight, for which we Centry stand,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Want makes our wit as active as our hand.</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Thus did my wit shew to my wants a way</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>To fill its belly, and increase my pay,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Hence I may say that I do live by wit,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>For I’ve got money, and a Wench with it.</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Grammercy Wit, help and assist me still,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>He ne’re can want that hath but Wit at will.</em></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>This Souldier was a Gentleman of a good -house, though fallen to decay, whose education -might have renderd him capable of considerable -employments, had not his Heroick inclination to -the Wars taken his thoughts clearly off from -every thing else. I appointed a day for this man -of war, to attend me some few miles into the -Countrey, having got leave of his Captain we -went together, in the mean time my Hostess was -spinning of Hemp, and by return had finisht a -Rope for her self and Husband: and thus it was.</p> - -<p class='c012'>A single Gentleman came as a Traveller to -lodge in her Inn, having set up his Horse, and -his Portmantua carried to his Chamber, he -<span class='pageno' id='Page_26'>26</span>knocks for his Landlady, who coming up to him -he acquaints her that he thought he should make -a stay for two or three days, and therefore delivers -into her hands a bag of one hundred pounds, -desiring her to lay it up safe for him, she took -the Bag and promised to keep it safe, and so she -did from him: The Devil was one of her Privy -Councel who advised her to perswade her Husband -to murder the Gentleman for his money, -which thus they cunningly effected as they -thought, but he that did set them at work will -pay them their wages.</p> - -<p class='c012'>At midnight she and her Husband entred the -Gentlemans Chamber through a private door -which was hid behind the hangings, a Sally-port -for a thousand Rogueries they committed; mine -Host with a Pillow he had brought with him, and -the assistance of his wife, smothered the Gentleman -as he lay in his bed, having so done, and -putting on his Cloathes, they laid him down into -the Stable, and there with a Rope ty’d to a -beam, they hung him up, and so went to Bed; -In the morning the Hostler going into the Stable -found a Gentleman there hanging, upon -sight whereof he ran into the house with an Outcry, -which quickly reacht the ears of the Neighbourhood, -so that in an instant the house was -filled with people, every one giving his Verdict -as his imagination prompted him; the general -Vogue was that for some discontent he had thus -desperately made away with himself. This old -Beldam had the impudence to come into the -Throng of the people, and there declare her -Hypocritical sorrow for the death of her Guest, -protesting that she would have given an hundred -pounds with all her heart, that no such -<span class='pageno' id='Page_27'>27</span>thing had hapned in her house. I took notice, -said the Host, of his extraordinary melancholy -last night, and reproving him for his unsociableness, -he clapt his hand upon his breast, and with -erected eyes to heaven, he groaned so loud and -long that I thought it would have been his last. -This prodigious lye would have wrought wonderfully -upon the belief of the People, being a -strong Circumstance of his despair or great discontent, -had not this unlucky boy which I told -you of before, cryed out, true good people, I -heard him groan too, but it was when my Master -and Mistress were hanging him up in the Stable, -what they had been doing with him before -I know not, but I saw them as I lay under the -manger bring in his body, which seem’d to me as -dead, and had they seen me, I believe I had not -been now living; my Mistress had the chiefest -hand in this work as I judge, for she got up into -the Rack, and stradling the beam tyed the Rope, -then did my Master raise the body in his Arms -for her to put the noose about his neck; this is a -truth said he, for which I will rather dy then deny.</p> - -<p class='c012'>His Master hearing this, and being conscious -to himself that this was no ly which the boy -said, betook himself to his heels, whilst his wife -with a brazen countenance was justifying her innocence. -The people seeing the flight of one, -and the matchless impudence of the other, concluded -them guilty; and laying hands on her -first, and hold of him after, they secured them -with the boy till the Constable was fetched, who -came immediately and carried them before a -Justice, where being examined they stood out -stiffly in their own vindication, maugre the boys -peremptory and undaunted accusation; In fine -<span class='pageno' id='Page_28'>28</span>their guilty consciences would not let them longer -persist in their justification, but confest the -Fact that it was an hundred pounds which was -committed to their charge by the Gentleman, that -first tempted them to smother him, the Devil -helping them to way they thought undiscoverable. -They were committed to a Goal, where -they lay till Assizes; at which time they were -both sentenced to dye.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Glad was I that it should come into my head -to ramble into the Countrey at that nick of time, -for my extraordinary familiarity with them might -have raised a suspition to the endangering of my -person, besides the boy which accused them had -a spight against me for causing him to be soundly -bang’d sometimes for some Roguish trick he -served me; one he play’d a little before this Murder -was committed, and being basted for it, I -heard him say mutteringly, he would find a time -to be even, judge you whether he be not, however -thus he was an unhappy Roguish boy, yet -Heaven judged him a fit Instrument to discover -a deed so bloody and horribly wicked.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Coming to the place of Execution, I could not -see in my Hosts face any considerable marks of -remorse or penitency, only the fear of Death had -screwed his face into a hundred ugly affrighting -formes: She for her part ascended the Ladder -after she had seen the death of her Husband, with -magnanimity and Courage; having been in Prison -according to report, the greatest Penitent -that ever was known to go thence and suffer as -a Malefactor, I say she standing undauntedly on -the Ladder, spake to the People after this manner, -which I here recount as carrying some very remarkable -things in it.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><span class='pageno' id='Page_29'>29</span>The Speech of a Notoriously-wicked Woman</div> - <div>at her Execution.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c014'><em>Christian People, the greatness of my sins have -cry’d loud to Heaven for Vengeance a long time, -but Mercy hath interceded for the prolongation of my -life, to give me a long and fair opportunity for Repentance, -but this long forbearance hath but hardned my -heart, and made it obdurate; so that my black and horrid -Sins grew so numerous that they awakened divine -Justice (which hitherto seemed to sleep) to find me out, -and bring me to this shameful and condign punishment. -As I am here before you a sad spectacle of misery, -so I hope you will beg of God mercy for my poor sinful -soul, which from my Cradle to this time hath been -polluted not with Crimes of a common Die, but such -as were conceived in the Womb of Hell, and Midwiv’d -by me into this wicked world. What Tragical -unpattern’d Mischiefs they have acted on the -Theatre of my native Countrey, my tongue (that -cursed Accessary in the ruine of some Families) shall -not conceal from you, since I cannot hide them from -the knowledge of God Allmighty.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'><em>When I was so young I wanted power to perpetrate -Villany, I had strong inclinations to the acting thereof; -I was no sooner wean’d, but I had like to have killed -that Mother who gave me life, by pricking her in -the naked breast with a Bodkin I took out of her Head-cloaths, -she being then half asleep, holding me in her -Lap, when I arrived to the age of fifteen, the boiling -of my blood would not let me rest till I had somewhat -qualified its heat in the unlawful reception of a -<span class='pageno' id='Page_30'>30</span>young man, after which sinful act I found my self with -Child, to prevent the shame whereof I murdered it, -thinking to hide one smaller sin by the greatness of another; -the death I am about to suffer should have been -the reward of that execrable murder; and I now wish -it had been so, for then I had not strangled in the very -birth (to abscond my whoredom from my Husband) -a Child, the product of my insatiate lust with a</em> -Blackmoor, <em>who afterwards lost his own life in the -destructions of my Husbands; neither had I been -the cause of the death of two more, had I not been -the basely obscene Prostitute to them both.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'><em>But one more remarkable murder then any yet I have -related, I must not conceal, the burden whereof lies -like a mountain on my already over-loaded Conscience. -Passing one time for a maid, though then a common -debauched whore, this Inn-keeper, (my fellow-sufferer, -and justly so, since he was my Co-partner and Complotter -in a thousand Roguish Contrivances) courted -me to be his Wife: being informed of his wealth I -easily condescended, not regarding his goodness so -much as his Goods, and lest he might find what I -was on our Nuptial Night; I caused a pure, but -poor Virgin whom I hired to lye in my place for that -time, but over-sleeping her prefixt time I had appointed -for my exchanging places with her, I was -forc’d to fire the house, in which confusion she running -down to a Well in the yard to get water, I pursued -her, and partly to be revenged, and partly to be -secured from her future discovery, I tumbled her -into the Well, and there she perished: As to the last -murther of this Gentlemen, I must needs confess my -Husband, though superlatively wicked, had no inclination -thereunto, had I not perswaded him; nay, upbraided -<span class='pageno' id='Page_31'>31</span>him with pusillanimity and cowardize if he -would not be my Coadjutor and Assistant therein. -Now do I wish from the bottom of my disconsolate -Soul, I had as many lives as deaths I have occasioned, -to offer up as a Sacrifice which might expiate so -many crying sins of murder, as I have committed in -my life time, this one is too small a satisfaction for -the loss of so many. And had I not forfeited it to the -Law, yet I ought not to live, considering the debauched -course of life I ever liv’d, being no more than a rank -stinking weed, which hindred, nay choak’d the -growth of wholesom herbs and flowers, which otherwise -might have proved delightful in their fragrancy.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'><em>And now to conclude, if you intend to escape this -shameful punishment, and not to be made an example -to others, as I am now to you, shun all these Vices -and Debaucheries which have dragged me to this accursed -end, and do not promise to your selves a better -conclusion, if from the beginning thereof you continue -the prosecution of vicious and debauched Courses; -I was as confident as any he or she here, that hanging -was too ignominious a death for such a piece of Gallantry -as I was, but assure your self Heaven has no -respect of persons; the Sword of Justice spares no -more the shining Gallant and huffing</em> Bravo, <em>than the -meanest smutty Tinker; And so desiring the Prayers -of the Spectators for her, having rendred her private -Applications for her eternal concern, she gave the -sign to the Hangman, and she was so turned off.</em></p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>This speech of the dying person Mistress <em>Dorothy</em> -rehearsed to me, with so much passion, giving each -word so becoming an accent, that I must confess to -<span class='pageno' id='Page_32'>32</span>you it wrought wonderfully on me, nay it so startled -me, that I now began to consider what would become -of me since laying aside murder, (having -never imbrewed my hands in blood) I was more -notorious in all manner of Vice than the narrowness -of a female Soul could be capable of imagining -much less of acting, why should I then humor -myself into a fancy of escaping, since I have -seen so many dismal Examples of this nature, -some whereof I have told you, and more I shall of -my intimates in the prosecution of my Story, who -notwithstanding they have craftily endeavoured -to conceal their nefarious actions and projections, -yet have been found out by the omnipotent, nay -then when they thought him to sleep over their -hainous transgressions, which puts me in mind of -an excellent passage of <em>Juvenal</em>, though he be a -Heathen, in his Satyr 13.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c002'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in1'>——————— <span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>Fatebere tandem</em></span></div> - <div class='line'><span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>Nec surdum, nec tiresiam, quenquam esse Deorum.</em></span></div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in2'><em>Let us confess, since we at last shall finde,</em></div> - <div class='line in2'><em>None of the Gods are either deaf, or blind.</em></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>Craving pardon of Mistress <em>Dorothy</em>, I desired her -to proceed, which she did in this manner: Having -staid the Execution of my old friend (which was no -small trouble to me,) but durst not be present lest she -should discover my Rogueries too, since she was so -ingenious to acknowledge her own to the world; I -say, I staid no longer than to get what things I had -ready, and desiring the Soldier to attend me to <em>London</em>, -he had so much favor from his Office, as to get -a furlow for eight weeks, and so away we march’d: -<span class='pageno' id='Page_33'>33</span>Immediately after our arrival, I took Lodgings -in <em>Covent-Garden</em>, and having cloath’d him like a -Gentleman as he was, we agreed to call each other -Cousin, lodging under one and the same Roof. -His company was very agreeable and complaisant, -which made me take a great delight in his society. -He had a good command of his Mother-tongue, -expressing every thing eloquently and facetely, -which his invention furnished his mouth withal; -when at any time we were alone, he would be -continually telling me one Story or other, but -chiefly a great many beyond Sea Cheats, some -whereof he was an eye-witness, but because they -all concerned his own Sex, I desired that he would -give himself the trouble to recount something of -ours; undoubtedly, said I, you were acquainted -with the females abroad as well as at home, and -I cannot be so ignorant to believe you have not -conversed with them. Yes, replyed he, or else I -had been to blame, and should have lost one of -the principal ends I went for, If I had not been acquainted -as well with the <span lang="fr" xml:lang="fr"><em>Madam</em></span>, as the <span lang="fr" xml:lang="fr"><em>Monsieur</em></span>; -but, continued he, I do not think it proper to recount -any of the frailties of women to one of that -Sex, that discourse is more proper with men when -we triumph and boast of our witty encounters, and -waggish over-reachings of that Sex. But, replyed -I to him, as you have done all this, and spent -some time in the recitals, so I pray let me further -engage you to acquaint me with somewhat of that -nature. That you may see, replyed he, how much -I am your Servant, I will obey you, and tell you -two Stories of two women, who were excellent, and -their Stories considerable different.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_34'>34</span> - <h2 class='c004'>CHAP. III.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><em>The Gentleman Soldier gives an account how he -came acquainted with an extraordinary beautiful, -yet seemingly reserved</em> Courtezan, <em>who slighting -him having spent all upon her, he makes himself -amends, by cheating her of what she had gotten; -he gains acquaintance with a Mercers Wife by a -mistake, or rather by Letters falling accidentally -into his hands, that were sent her by her</em> Inamoretto, -<em>by which means he finds a sufficient reward, -besides his sensual enjoyment of so lively and grateful -a Mistress.</em></p> - -<p class='drop-capa0_4_0_7 c011'>Be pleased to know then, continued he, that -when I came first into <em>Paris</em>, I supposed that -as I was young, handsome, and in a very rich gentle -Garb, so I did believe that it would not be long -e’re I should have some Message or invitation from -some Madam or other, but although I waited long -for this Adventure, yet I met with nothing to that -purpose, but all the <em>French</em>-Ladies although they -are in their converse open and free, yet come up -close to them, and they are as cold as <em>December</em> or -that which is colder, Charity, they would not at -all be so charitable to me a stranger, as permit me -to close with them, so that I thought I must have -returned from thence as wise as I went, for any -thing I should know of women; I finding that -of my self I could not do any thing, therefore I -observed those of my acquaintance what they did -in that Case, and at length I found that for all -their braggs they were as well furnished with Mistresses -as I was, and indeed had none, or at the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_35'>35</span>least none at all that they durst particularly own, -but a poor common <em>Courtesanna</em>: I seeing there -was no better to be had, was resolved rather than -fail to put in there, and to play at small Game -rather than stand out: wherefore I took the next -opportunity of going with one of my acquaintance -to one of those houses, but although I had -fasted a great while, yet my stomach was so -squeamish that I liked nothing that was there, -but only in drinking and talking spent some time -and so departed.</p> - -<p class='c012'>I was observed whilest I was there by an old -grave Matrona, who two or three days after, -meeting me, alone, told me that she had seen -me at the house aforesaid, by which she could -guess at my business, and finding that there was -never a Dish that liked my Pallat, and being desirous -to be civil to, and accommodate all strangers, -she would pleasure me so far, as to bring -me acquainted with the most celebrated beauty -of all <em>Paris</em>. I liked her Proposition; first gave -her thanks, and then told her if she would name -the time and place, I would gladly wait on her; -She told me that she was ready at all times and -in all places to serve me, and that I might therefore -appoint what time I pleas’d. I who had no -business but my pleasure answered that if she -would about four of the Clock in the afternoon -come to the Place where we then were, I would -not fail to meet her, she telling me that she would -come at the time, we parted; I went to sprucifie -my self and put Money in my pocket, and she -went as I suppose to prepare the Madam to receive -me. The time being come, I went to the -place appointed, where I met with my Conductress -who already waited for me, I went with her, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_36'>36</span>and in short time we arrived at the house intended, -I was conducted up stairs, and received -by the Lady with much kindness; the old woman -made a Speech to us both, tending to the purpose -intended, and then wine being call’d for and -a Banquet, we regalled our selves, and spent our -time in pleasant conversation; the old woman -knowing what I came for, in convenient time left -me alone with the Lady, who permitted me to -take the satisfaction I desired, and then I giving -her a handful of Crown-pieces, which was the key -of the work, and she promising me a continuance -of her love. The old woman was again call’d -for, when she came we renewed our discourse, -which continuing for some time longer, I also -giving somewhat to the old woman, and the Servants -of the house, we soon after parted.</p> - -<p class='c012'>As I went to my lodging I considered of the -Adventure I had met with, and the next day enquired -what this Lady was, and upon enquiry -found that she was a Right <em>Bona Roba</em>, but such -an one that was not ordinary, but reserved, and -only kept company with the better sort of <em>Monsieurs</em>, -I was well enough pleas’d, with what had -happened, and was resolved during my stay in -<em>Paris</em> to look no further after any female, and -accordingly I often frequented her house, and -was received as kindly as I could expect, I -commanded the house in all I pleased, and lay -there when I thought good; but this my pleasure -consumed and confounded my pocket, and -my allowance from <em>England</em> being but small, was -in short time so wasted that I could not hold out -to spend so largely as I had done, and as the -strength of my pocket decreased, so did her love -diminish, and when I had no more mony, she -<span class='pageno' id='Page_37'>37</span>had no more love. <em>No longer pipe, no longer dance</em>, -and now as others had formerly been denied, and -kept out of her doors, to entertain me, so then -the doors were shut against me for others; I was -vexed at the baseness and ingratitude of this -woman, and resolv’d to be revenged of her if I -could, and I made it my only study to do so, I -had written into <em>England</em> for mony, which was -in short time to come, till when I plaid the good -husband, and staid within doors, and so recovered -my expences, so that when my mony came, I was -in Capacity to put new Cloaths on my back, and -good store of Crowns in my pocket, I likewise -borrowed some Rings of some of my acquaintance, -to whom I communicated my design, desiring -their assistance, which they accordingly promised -me. Being thus well furnished, and set out -with good outside, new Clothes, I again attempted -to see my <em>quondam</em> Mistress, but was the first -time denied entrance, although I was so liberal -as to give the Servant a Crown-piece, and thereby -had the means to discover that I had more of the -same in my pocket, but the next time that I came -thither, I was admitted, and my Mistress pleasantly -saluting me, told me that I was very welcome -from my Voyage: I ask’d what Voyage? -she told me from <em>England</em>; I replyed I had not -been there lately; she told me that then some -body had abused her and me both, and told lies -of me; for, said she, I did not question if you had -been in these parts, but I should have seen you, -where you alwaies have been welcome; for, continued -she, you know that so long as I have a -house you may command your welcome in it; I -but, thought I, to little purpose, and concluded -that all these terms of welcome were but words -<span class='pageno' id='Page_38'>38</span>of Dissimulation, and would last no longer than -my money did in pocket, but being resolved to -prosecute my design, I would not so far take notice -of what she said as to quarrel with her about -it, but using my former wonted freedom, I sate -down, and call’d for such Wine and other things -as I had a mind to, and spent two or three hours -very pleasantly with her; and by that means renewing -my acquaintance, I gave no occasion of -distrust of what I intended. During my stay -there, I gave her the convenience of seeing a rich -Gold Watch I had in my pocket, and several -Rings I had on my fingers, and that my pockets -were very well lyned with Silver and Gold, and -drawing out as much as was sufficient, I delivered -it to her Servant to provide a Supper against the -next night, when I told her I would return and -sup, and lye there, she telling me I should be -welcome, we for that time parted. I then went -to two or three of my acquaintance who were to -help me in my Design, and directing them what -to do, the time appointed being come, I went to -her house, and knowing that my Mistress was a -great Lover of wine, and that it would be necessary -to make her drunk, I carried some bottles -with me; being arrived there, she again kindly -welcomed me, and pleas’d her eyes with beholding -my rich Suit of Cloaths, my Watch, Rings, -and the fulness of my pockets, not questioning -but that I would leave a good part of these behind -me, but she reckoned without her Host, as I -shall presently tell you.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Supper being ready we sate down at the Table, -and did eat plentifully, but did drink more abundantly, -I telling her that she must be merry, she -to oblige me drank of her Cups so roundly, that -<span class='pageno' id='Page_39'>39</span>she fell asleep as she sate at the Table, from -whence I caused her to be carried to bed, where -she was no sooner laid, but she fell a snoaring. I -then having given the Servants a dose of the same -Liquor caused them to go to Bed, telling them -that I could undress my self, and go to bed without -their assistance.</p> - -<p class='c012'>I then being alone looked about to see what -was to be done, I there saw a Cabinet wherein -was the womans Jewels and money, and looking -a little further I saw her Cloathes, and some -Plate, and not long after my friends whom I had -appointed being come, I began to work, first I -threw down out at the window her best Cloathes, -and all my own, and by the help of her Garters -I let down the Cabinnet, her Plate, and so much -as the silver Candlestick which we had used; this -done, I left the window open, and then went to -Bed to my Lady, who although she slept hard at -present, yet before morning she awaked, and -then we spent our time as we formerly had -done; and being somewhat wearied, we again -went to sleep, but about an hour after awaking -and finding that it was broad-day-light, I called -out for the Servant to bring me my Clothes that -I might rise, in regard (as I said) that I had some -business to dispatch that morning. But the Servant -looking about for them and not seeing them, -nor her Mistresses, nor the Cabinets, nor the Candlesticks, -and missing many things, which she had -over night left in the Chamber, and seeing one -of the Chamber windows open, she cryed out, O -Lord Madam, we are robb’d; at this cry her -Mistress drawing the Curtain, ask’d what was the -matter for that noise? O Lord, replyed the -wench, we are robb’d, for I cannot see your -<span class='pageno' id='Page_40'>40</span>Clothes, your Cabinet, your Plate, nor several -other things. Heavens forbid, said the Mistress, -I hope you lye; no truly Mistress, continued the -wench. Where then, said I, is my Clothes? -They are likewise stolen, replied the Wench, for -I cannot find them. At this word I seem’d to -be mightily astonished, and thereupon I said,</p> - -<p class='c012'>Madam, put these Tricks and Gulleries upon -others, and not upon me, who can see through -all your disguises, what do you intend, or think -to chowse me in this manner? How, my Love, -replyed she, what do you say? Now you see I -am utterly ruin’d, is this all the comfort you will -give me? No, no, replied I, you must sing another -song, or else i’le make you, because you -saw I came hither with good Clothes, and my -pockets cramm’d with Money and Jewels, you -think to catch me with this trick, making me believe -that you have been robb’d, but I swear to -you, continued I, that you shall not carry it thus, -and that I will go to the Magistrate and have -you and your Family every one of you clapt up; -and having thus said, I leapt out of the Bed; and -naked as I was in my shirt, I went to the window -and cryed out Thieves. This poor woman now -more dead than alive, seeing that beside her great -loss, she was likely to receive a great affront, -leap’d also out of the Bed, and falling about my -neck, with lifted up hands, and tears in her eyes, -begg’d of me to have pity on her, and that now -after she had lost all, I would not go to ruine her -quite in her Reputation; I therefore seemed to -be moved with her Prayers, but said to her, must -I be forced to live here for want of Clothes to -go out? No (replyed she) go to Bed again, and -I will send to one of my friends to borrow a suit -<span class='pageno' id='Page_41'>41</span>of Clothes for you, and thereupon she immediately -sent away to a <em>French</em>-Knight who was -one of her Gallants, to borrow one of his best -Suits of Clothes, pretending that she had a fancy -to disguise her self in mans apparel. The Messenger -soon returning, and bringing a fair Suit of -Clothes, and all other necessaries, I arose, dressed -my self, and taking my leave of my Mistress, went -to my friends, where upon examination of my -Cabinet, I found that I had increas’d my stock -to above twice as much treasure as I had spent -upon her, and a good Suit of Clothes into the -bargain: He having finished his Story (said Mistress -<em>Dorothy</em>) I told him he was very hard hearted -to use a poor Lady so, and one who had been so -kind to him, and that although she had refused -him admittance when all his Mony was spent, -there is some reason for it, for it is possible said I, -you would have brought her and your self into -extream beggery; well, replyed he, I know you -are not a competent Judge in this case, and therefore -I was unwilling to acquaint you with any of -these matters; but, continued he, I will if you -please, proceed in the other story I promised you, -and so conclude.</p> - -<p class='c012'>I desiring him so to do, he went on thus: I -being in this manner, said he, revenged of one -Mistress, did resolve to leave her off quite, lest she -should in time pay me off in my own Coin, and -did endeavour to get another, but could not meet -with or find any to my mind; but I and one of -those of my acquaintance who had assisted me in -my late exploit, one day talking of our female -friends, told me that indeed, although he had not -gain’d so much by a Mistress at once as I had -<span class='pageno' id='Page_42'>42</span>done by mine, yet he had such a Mistress as had -bin not only pleasing, but very profitable to him, -for said he, I can command fifty or a hundred -Crowns at any time; I marry Sir, said I, that is -a good Mistress indeed, and is more than ordinary; -yes replyed he, she is no ordinary person. -I hearing him say so, knew it was to no purpose -to ask her Name and Quality, but did resolve so -to watch him that I would find it out, I usually -therefore kept him Company and like his shadow -still attended him, but he being as cunning as I -was crafty, so privately mannag’d his amours, -that I could not possibly find him out, I therefore -sometimes lay with him, and took the opportunity -of searching his Pockets for Letters, -but found none, so that I was very doubtful of -attaining my Ends, which was to discover who -this unknown invisible Lady was, I finding that -my acquaintance was too close to get any thing -out of, was resolved to take another course, and -since I could not out-wit the Master, try if my -Boy could out-wit his; I therefore instructed my -Boy in what he was to do, and ordered him to -get in with the other, and get out of him one -time or other, whether he did not carry Letters -to any Persons, and to whom. My Boy was not -so long about his Discovery as I had been about -mine, for in a short time he told me that the -Boy was often employed to carry Letters to -a Mercers Maid, who lived in the next street, -and also to a Carrier who conveyed Letters -to an Unkle; I now partly knowing -the Who, was desirous of knowing the What, -and therefore ordered my Boy by one means -or other to get one of his Letters and bring it unto -<span class='pageno' id='Page_43'>43</span>me. He so well discharged himself in this employ, -that it was not long e’re he brought me one. I -being very curious to know the Contents, soon opened -it, for heating a Knife in the fire, I put it -under the Seal, which melted the Wax in that -place, and so it was open, wherein I found these -expressions. Madam,</p> -<p class='drop-capa0_2_0_7 c013'>I <em>am very sorry that I am so unfortunate, that in -the term of fourteen days I have not had the -happiness of waiting on you, sure the old man is -grown jealous, or which is worse, you begin to slight -me, or else some expedient might have been found to -have deceived him: I shall say no more at present, -referring the rest of my Complaints till I see you, -which happy minute I beseech you hasten, or else you -will very much afflict</em></p> -<div class='c007'><em>Your constant Friend</em>,</div> -<div class='c016'>S. N.</div> - -<p class='c012'>When I had read the Letter, I was almost as -much to seek as I was before, because it was directed -to one who was a Servant to the Mercer, -but upon second thoughts I concluded, that although -it was directed to the Maid, yet it might -be intended to the Mistress, as indeed it was; I -having read the Letter, melted some wax and -sealed it again, the impression of the old Seal remaining -as fair as formerly. My Boy who brought -it me, asked if he should carry it again; I first, -before I answered him, enquired of him how he -came by it? he told me thus, that the other boy -told him he had Letters to carry for his Master; -and therefore, said he if you will go to the River and -wash, I have, said he a good excuse; I (said my boy) -told him that I would go with him if he would go -<span class='pageno' id='Page_44'>44</span>strait, then to the River; he replyed, he was commanded -to carry the Letter first, but I perswaded -him to go first to the River, to the end that I might -serve you in what you commanded, and therefore -being come to the water, I did not make so much -hast as he, but let him go to in, so soon as he was in -the water, I searching his pockets, and finding this -Letter came with all speed and told the other boys -that were there, that I would go in at a place a -little further, and swim down to them; and so, Sir, -said he to me, I made all possible haste, and have -here brought the Letter; I having heard his Tale, -commanded him to run with all expedition, and put -the Letter into the boyes pocket, he did so, and was -not at all discovered, or suspected. I having thus -gained some knowledge in my friends amours and -being desirous to discover more, walked out to the -Street where the Mercer dwelt, where I saw both -man and wife in the Shop, there was much disparity -in their years, for he seemed to be seventy, -and she not above twenty four, I presently guessed -that this must be she, and therefore pretending to -buy, I went into the Shop, where I was shewed several -Stuffs by her, he sitting at the further end of -the shop coughing by himself; she had such a winning -way in perswading me to the goodness and -cheapness of the Stuff, that although I had no intention -to buy, yet I laid out some money with her, -she was perfectly handsome, and it had been great -pity if she had onely been tyed to that old Carcass, -but I knew that she had a friend who could do her -business for her, and all that I then wished, was -that I might be in his place, and take his turn; -and this I was resolved to do, or stretch my wit -on the tenters of invention.</p> - -<p class='c012'><span class='pageno' id='Page_45'>45</span>The next day my Boy brought me another -Letter, which was from my Companions Unkle, -and I having opened that as I had done the former, -found that his Unkle was sick, but however -intended to be in <em>Paris</em> in few days, and then he -would supply him with the money he desired; I -closed the Letter again, and the boy conveyed it -to the place where he had it, <em>viz.</em> the other boys -pocket, who gave it to his Master two hours after -when he returned home, being for the present gone -out; by this Letter I understood that he had his -maintenance from his Unkle, and that he had -lately written for some, and that this was the answer: -I took exact <a id='corr45.14'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='notiee'>notice</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_45.14'><ins class='correction' title='notiee'>notice</ins></a></span> of his Unkles name, and -writ it down in my Table book; I being desirous -to discover from himself what I partly knew already, -to that end I walked out with him, and engaged -him to go into that Street where the Mercer dwelt, -but although we did so, and I then curiously observed -him, yet he did not so much as cast an eye -into the Shop, although the Woman and her Husband -were both there, but I remember turning -down by that Shop into a blind Lane, he looked -towards a back-door, which I then perceived was -belonging to that house, and which I guessed might -be the way whereby he went to his Mistress.</p> - -<p class='c012'>I having made all these inspections into the matter -in hand, was resolved to make some further use -of my experience. When about ten days after my -boy came sweating to me, and told me that he had -gotten another Letter, which the other boy received -in his Masters absence, who would not be back in -two hours, but then he must deliver it to him; who -brought it? said I, a Porter: said the Boy; I hearing -<span class='pageno' id='Page_46'>46</span>this had a mind to have delivered it back again -without opening, because I did suppose it came -only from his Unkle, or some other Friend, about -some ordinary affairs, not judging that a Letter of -Love would be sent by an ordinary Porter; I was -in this determination, which had I followed I -should have thought my self very unfortunate, but -a curiosity possessing me, I resolved to see the Contents, -wherefore using my former way of heating -my Knife, I opened the Letter and therein found -these Lines:</p> -<p class='c017'>My dear Friend,</p> -<p class='drop-capa0_1_0_7 c013'>I <em>hope at your last visit I gave you satisfaction in -every thing, especially why I had not seen you for -fourteen days before, I must confess it was a long -time of absence and you may assure your self that I -thought it so as well as you, I also hope that you have -no suspition of my constancy, and that you may assure -your self of my love to you, I have provided the hundred -Crowns you desired, if you come on Thursday -night about eleven of the Clock to our Back door, our -trusty Servant will let you in, and conduct you to a -Chamber, where I will attend you, but I must engage -you not to speak to me, for I am in great fear of your -being over-heard, by my Husbands Kinswoman, -who lies the next wall to me, and is very curious -over me; follow these directions and you shall engage</em>,</p> - -<div class='c018'><em>Your constant Friend</em>,</div> -<div class='c018'>M. L.</div> -<p class='c017'>How much was I surpriz’d in the reading of this -Letter, you may easily judge, but you may be sure -I was resolved not to part from it, but now I concluded -I might put my Design in practice; I had not -<span class='pageno' id='Page_47'>47</span>long consulted with my self what to do, but I had -resolved my self in all doubts and scruples; and -therefore taking Pen, Ink and Paper, I writ this -following Letter:</p> - -<p class='c012'>Sir,</p> -<p class='drop-capa0_4_0_7 c013'>Y<em>our Unkle, according to his intentions of -coming to</em> Paris, <em>was come so far as my house, -but was there taken so sick, that he could not, neither -is he able at present to proceed in his Journey, and -doubting that he will be worse, hath ordered me to -send to you that you may be acquainted with it, and -withal, that you may come to him, he not being able -to come to you, therefore expects you here with all the -expedition you can make, this is all at present from</em></p> -<div class='c006'><em>Your loving Friend,</em></div> -<div class='c018'><em>though unknown</em>,</div> -<div class='c016'>L. T.</div> - -<p class='c012'>This Letter being thus written, I dated it two -days before, and subscribed it from an Inn in a -Town forty miles off from <em>Paris</em>, it was directed -to him in the usual manner and form; and so -having seal’d it, I gave it my Boy, who soon conveyed -it to the place where he had the other. -And that my Project might take effect, I went -immediately to find him out, resolving to keep -him continually in my sight, and oversee all his -Actions, from the time he should receive his Letter, -till I should see him on Horseback, on his -Journey. I soon found him out, and went home -with him, where the Boy gave him the Letter, -he opened it, and retired, I gave him the conveniency -of reading it, which he soon did, and -coming up to me, told me that he had hasty -<span class='pageno' id='Page_48'>48</span>News; is it private? replyed I; no, said he, -but I think I must leave your company for a few -days; when, said I? To morrow morning, said -he; that is much! replyed I, sure it is hasty News -indeed, if you must be gone so soon; yes truly, -said he, you may see the Letter, and then you -may judge of the matter; hereupon he delivered -me the Letter, which I having read over, told -him that indeed if this Unkle, who was sick, was -as nearly allied to him in friendship, as he was in -consanguinity, that then it was necessary he -should suddenly obey his orders. He is, replyed -he, not only my Unkle, but my Father, For I -never knew no other Father I had, for my Father -his Brother died, when I was but six months -old, and left me and my Estate to his disposing; -neither continued he, hath he any Child or Relation -nearer than I am; I told him that if it were -so, I would advise him not to let any time slip, -but to take Horse and be gon that night; he was -unwilling so to do, for, said he, I have another -affair to dispatch that is of considerable consequence. -I supposing it was his Love business, -and being resolv’d to bear him off from all proceeding -therein at the present, fearing lest he -should send some Letter, and so my design would -be frustrate; I therefore said, that nothing whatever -should hinder me from present going, if I -were in his condition, and if he would communicate -his other affairs to me, I would act for him all -I could to my power; he answered me that the -affairs he meant were of such a quality, that none -but himself could dispatch; I replyed that I then -supposed they might be of some Love-concern, to -this he only laughed, and finding that he had a -great inclination to do somewhat in that nature -<span class='pageno' id='Page_49'>49</span>that might spoil my design; I therefore used so -many arguments with him to cause him to begin -his Journey, that I saw him that Evening on -horseback, with a resolution to ride twenty miles -onwards of his Journey that night, that so he -might reach the end of it the next day betimes.</p> - -<p class='c012'>And now I having dispatch’d him out of the -way, did not question but I might accomplish -my design as I had determin’d. It was but then -but Tuesday night, and the time appointed by -the Letter was Thursday night, so that till then -I waited with some impatience, but the hour -being come, I went to the Place, which was the -Back-door, which I had formerly taken notice of. -I was so desirous of finishing the Adventure I -was about, that I had made more haste than ordinary, -and being come somewhat before the -precise time, I was forced to wait, not daring to -knock lest I should offend. But long I had not -staid, before an adjoyning Clock struck eleven, -and within less than a minute afterwards the door -opened, and a Female looking out, and seeing -me walk, beckoned me to come on; I did so, and -without one words speaking, entred the house, -and following my Conductress close at the heels, -went up stairs, and coming to a Chamber-door, -she only said, now Sir, you may enter there to -your and my Mistress, and stay till I come and -call you, which will be about two hours hence, -but I pray be sure you talk not, lest that discover -you; I listened attentively to what was told me, -and promising obedience only by a Bow which I -made, the Servant left me, and I entred the -Chamber; although there was no Candle, yet I -could see where the Bed stood, and going thither -I saw my Mistress whom I saluted, and then retiring -<span class='pageno' id='Page_50'>50</span>pul’d off my Clothes and leap’d into Bed -to her, I lay down by her, and during the two -hours time I staid, you may be sure I was not -idle, I made no noise by speaking, knowing that -it might be of dangerous consequence in a double -manner; and the two hours being come, our -attendant came and told me it was time to rise. -I though unwilling enough did so, and putting -on my Clothes was soon dress’d, and coming once -more to kiss my Mistress, she told me softly that -in the window in a Purse was the hundred Crowns -she promis’d, I making her a profound Reverence, -and kissing her hand, went thither, and finding -the Purse, put it into my pocket, and the Maid -hastning me, I departed, when she came to the -Back-door, she told me that e’re many days, she -would find a way how I might enjoy my Mistress -with more freedom; I pulling a Crown out of -my pocket, put it into her hand, and bade her -goodnight: And thus, said the young Gentleman, -did I obtain my Ends upon this Gentlewoman; -and (said he) I being now entred was resolved to -proceed, and therefore the next day went again -by the door, and seeing none but her self in the -Shop, I entred, and desired to see silk enough for -a New Suit; she shew’d it me, and I soon agreed -on the price, giving her own demands, but when -I came to pay, and drew out the purse she had -given me, which was a very remarkable one; -she looked very wishfully on it; Nay Madam said -I, it is the same I receiv’d of you last night; how! -replied she, am I betraid then? No dear Madam, -said I, there is no Treachery in the -Case, onely the excess of my love to you, made -me run a great hazard; I hope, Sir, replyed -she, you are not guilty of any murder of my -<span class='pageno' id='Page_51'>51</span>former friend: no Madam, (said I) I have only -by a piece of Wit remov’d him at present; well, -Sir, (replied she) you seem to be a Gentleman of -that temper that you will not wrong a Woman, I -have not time or opportunity to discourse you at -large, but that I might engage you to secrecy, I -not only freely give you the money you have in -possession, but also I desire you to accept this Stuff -you intended to buy, and I pray with your first -conveniency let me have an Account of this -strange Adventure; I had hardly time to answer -her (You shall Madam) but her Husbands Kinswoman -came near us, all that I could do was to -deliver the parcel to my Boy, and making the -ordinary Reverence, I departed.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_52'>52</span> - <h2 class='c004'>CHAP. IV.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><em>Mistress</em> Dorothy <em>finishes the Story of the Gentleman-Soldier -and Mercers Wife; who being returned -to</em> England, <em>renews his Suit to his old -Mistress, though married to another, whose weakness -made the match unsuitable, whose Estate depending -on an Heir, and this Husband uncapable -of getting one, gave the Gentleman that opportunity -whereby he at once had a Wife, an Heir, and -an Estate.</em></p> - -<p class='drop-capa0_4_0_7 c011'>Thus (continued the young Gentleman) did I -initiate my acquaintance with this woman, -which is one of the best and pleasantest Adventures -of my life, and indeed, said he, I have no -cause to complain of women, for that Sex hitherto -hath been very lucky to me, as you may guess -by my Story of the <em>Courtezan</em>, whose Cabinet -and other things I conveyed away; and now by -this second <em>French</em> adventure I was likely to gain -more, and that more honourably than by the -other. But, continued he, in six days after my -Companion returned from his Journey; I asked -him if we must not all have Stables; Why? said -he; because, replied I, I suppose that your Unkle -is dead, and hath left you all he hath: No such -matter, replied he, but I could wish that he were -hang’d that writ the Letter; why? said I, I think -it was very carefully done, of him, and that he -deserved not only thanks, but a Reward; I should -reward him if I knew who he was, said he: Why, -cannot you find him? said I; No, nor no body -else, said he, there is no such sign nor no such -man, living in or near that Town, nor in all that -Countrey, that I could hear of; but I hope (said -<span class='pageno' id='Page_53'>53</span>I) there was and is such an Unkle; yes, reply’d -he, and Heavens be praised, in health too, but I -was forc’d to go further a field to find him, for -after I had spent a whole day in fruitless search -for the Host, who sent the Letter, and could not -hear of any Tale nor Tidings of him, I being -within thirty miles of my Unkles habitation, -thought it very proper to ride on thither, and so -I did, but when I came I found him well and -lusty, I shewed him the Letter, and thereby he -knew the occasion of my Journey, but he knew -not who writ it, and he and I both concluded it -was a trick put upon me, however we were joyful -to see one another well, and he intended to take -a journey to <em>Paris</em> in few days, to order me some -moneys, but since I was come my self, he resolved -to desist from that Journey, and give me Bills of -Exchange, fain he would have engaged me to -have staid there for some days longer, but telling -him I had affairs of consequence to dispatch at -<em>Paris</em>, that required my presence, he gave me -leave to depart; and so, said he, with all possible -expedition I am returned: and you are very -welcome (replyed I) but this was a very strange -adventure of the Letter, and I cannot tell to what -purpose, nor I neither said he, but I hope to find -it out, for I preserve the Letter carefully. I gave -him the hearing, and now knowing his thoughts, -I believed my self obliged to mind his Actions; -as for the Letter he had, and his Design of finding -out the Writer of the Letter by the hand, I -knew he could not, for although I writ it, yet it -was in such a hand as I never writ before, and -which I then writ on purpose not to be discovered -by it, if he should be acquainted with my hand, -as hitherto he was not, wherefore I car’d not for -<span class='pageno' id='Page_54'>54</span>that, but my chiefest care was in charging my -Boy to watch his, and knowing that he would -suddenly write a Letter to send to his Mistress, I -commanded him to use all possible diligence to -get it into his Custody, and bring it to me, as -being a matter of very great consequence.</p> - -<p class='c012'>My Boy followed my directions so carefully, -that he attained his ends, but with much difficulty, -for no sooner was my friend parted from -me, but he writ a Letter to his Mistris, and giving -it to the Boy, charged him immediately to -carry it: My Boy who waited all his motions, -seeing him running with a Letter in his hand, -asked him what haste? great haste, said the Boy, -and would have proceeded, but my boy caught -hold on him, and said, how now, what is your -haste so great that you cannot spare time to drink -with your friends? time enough for that anon, -said the Boy, and would have proceeded; but -my Boy knowing how strictly I had charged him -about this Letter, was resolv’d by Hook or by -Crook to be Master of it, and therefore told him, -that although he had not been so civil as to give -him his Foy when he went out (for he had been -the Journey with his Master) yet he would now -give him his Welcome home. The other understanding -there was drink in the case, and that of -free-cost, went in with him to the next Drinking -house, and my boy knowing what a work he had -in hand, calling for a quart of Wine, desired a -Room above stairs, so that up they went, and my -Boy intending to fuddle the other, cheated him -in his drink, for after two or three Glasses were -off, and the other boy began to be merry, my -Boy drank water, and the other wine, so that in -short time he was knock’d down, and fell asleep; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_55'>55</span>and it was not long e’re he took the Letter out -of his pocket, and that he might make all sure, -he lock’d the Chamber door, bringing the Key -with him, and thus he securing the Letter, and -boy both; came to me, and brought me the Letter, -which I immediately opened, and read these -words:</p> -<p class='c017'>Madam,</p> -<p class='drop-capa0_2_0_7 c013'>E<em>ver since that fortunate Minute wherein I first -had the happiness to be acquainted with you, -my stars I thank them have been very propitious to -me; and Dame Fortune (how unconstant soever she -hath been to others) hath yet been to me very favourable, -so that till within these few days I could boast -that no malevolent Planet hath had any malign influence -in my ascendant; I thought and hoped I -should have lived and died in this opinion; but I -now have cause enough to change my mind, for I -have lately had such a cross adventure, that I yet -know not what to think of it, but if all be right and -well with you, I then bid defiance to fortune; Madam, -I am very unquiet and much puzzeld, so that I know -not how to begin, nor well know what to say to you, -but hoping you will pardon this impertinence, and -attribute it to my perplexity; I shall thus plainly -begin with you, and this it is: Madam, about ten -days since when I last was with you, among other -Requests I desired a hundred Crowns of you for a -present use, till my Vnkle whom I every day expected -should come to Town; in regard you never refused -me anything, I did not doubt of that, and therefore -expected to hear from you accordingly, but just at that -time when I expected a Letter from you, I received one -from my Vnkle, as I thought, whereby, as that Letter -<span class='pageno' id='Page_56'>56</span>inform’d me, I thought it absolutely necessary to leave</em> -Paris, <em>and go to him forty miles, to a Town where -he lay sick, I was perswaded to be gone immediately, -and indeed over-rul’d by an intimate friend, and one -that I have so great a respect for, that I had no reason -to suspect, and what he urged being as I thought -reasonable: I soon mounted on Horse-back, and departed, -I must beg your pardon that I did not acquaint -you with this sudden remove, but it was impossible to -do it without suspition of my Friend from whom I -have hitherto conceal’d our amours, as I have done -from all the world besides.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'><em>This Letter which I received, I found was but -forged, and written on purpose to cause me to leave -the City, but if in my absence I have not received -some prejudice in your opinion, I account all the rest -of my trouble and vexation as nothing, wherefore I -pray Madam, let me know in what condition I am -with you, and whether you know any thing, and what -you do know of this Adventure, and I shall always -remain</em></p> - -<div class='c006'>Your constant Friend</div> -<div class='c016'>S. N.</div> -<p class='c017'>When I had read this Letter, I found that half -my work was done to my hand, for I was resolved -to write to this woman, and now having a -fit opportunity I writ as followeth.</p> -<p class='c017'>Madam,</p> -<p class='drop-capa0_2_0_7 c013'>S<em>ome months ago I had occasion to lay out some -money in some Stuff, and my good fortune guiding -me to your Shop, I there not only saw, but pitied -<span class='pageno' id='Page_57'>57</span>you, for that I saw you were wedded to one more fit -to be your Father than Husband; that pity begot -love, and that so violent, that I knew not how to -suppress it, I thought it might be possible to be favourably -receiv’d by you, but knew not how to make my -Addresses to you, lest your honour should be brought -in question, I therefore waited all opportunities, and -at length found one, the most lucky that could befal; -for my friend</em> Mounsieur N. <em>being absent and a -Letter of yours coming into my hands, I had a great -curiosity to see it, doubting that it was, what indeed -I found it to be, a Letter of Love; but when I found -that it was from you, and that thereby was a particular -appointment for him to come to you; I was -mightily pleas’d, and you may judge the great satisfaction -I receiv’d. My love towards you being so -violent, I was resolv’d to hazard my friendship to -him, and rather than fail, be a Traitor; and indeed, -what would I not have done, to have had the happiness -of enjoying you? Therefore Madam, knowing -his absence would be absolutely necessary, it was I that -fram’d that Letter which caused his Journey, and -thereby I had the happiness in his stead to be well -used by you and now Madam, you may unfold the -Riddle, but I hope you are so discreet as to conceal -the truth of this Adventure, which were it discovered, -would be of dangerous consequence, not only to us -both, but also to your own Reputation; I judge you -will conceal it, and hope you will give me other opportunities -of waiting on you, when I shall acquaint -you particularly how I came by that Letter and -this; Thus hoping that I may enjoy the second -place if not the first in your esteem, I rest</em></p> -<div class='c016'>Your most ardently affectionate Friend, <em>M. G.</em></div> - -<p class='c017'><span class='pageno' id='Page_58'>58</span>This Letter being written, I enclosed it in the -other, and gave it my Boy, who ran immediately -to the house, where he left his drunken Companion, -and opening the door, he made so much -noise as awaked him, wherefore my Boy seeing -him ready to rise, ran to him, and insensibly convey’d -the Letter into his pocket.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The Boy being now pretty sober, remembred -the Errant he was sent about, and doubting he -should be chid would needs depart about it; my -Boy permitted him so to do, and so came home -to me.</p> - -<p class='c012'>And thus Mistress <em>Dorothy</em> (said he to me) did -I discover the whole intreague of this business to -my Mistress, and she soon after sent a Letter to -me, and another to my Friend, wherein she manag’d -the Concern so tenderly and so handsomely, -that she satisfied him and me both, and I having -a Summons from her, waited on her three miles -out of the Town, where I acquainted her with -all that she was ignorant of, and I pressed her so -with my affection, that she accepted me, and I -think in time I had the first place in her affection: -and thus said he, did I live the pleasantest life in -the world, all the time that I staid in <em>Paris</em>; and -now I hope, said he, I have satisfied you with my -amours, which hitherto had been very fortunate, -and I thank my Stars, <em>Venus</em> hath been ever my -Friend, or else I had not had the happiness of -your acquaintance, and thus did he fully finish -his discourse.</p> - -<p class='c012'>And now, said Mistress <em>Dorothy</em>, I have related all -that I think is convenient and necessary about my -Gentleman Soldier, and therefore I shall conclude -that Story; No, said I, I have some questions to ask -you, which I desire to be satisfied in, and which I believe -<span class='pageno' id='Page_59'>59</span>will engage you in a little further discourse: -That which I am first to desire of you is, that -since you have entertained us so largely, and indeed -pleasantly, with the adventures of the Gentleman -Soldier, that you would tell us what became -of him, and what more you know of him? -for, continued I, I am perswaded that all you -can say of him is so considerable, that it is worth -our hearing, and your recital. Truly, replyed -Mistress <em>Dorothy</em>, I have indeed somewhat more -to say of him, which may be as pleasant as the -rest, but his Stories being only things by the -by, and which do not at all concern you, and me -very little, I thought what hath been said already -is enough, but if you will needs hear me proceed -further, I will not refuse you the satisfaction you -desire.</p> - -<p class='c012'>I have already, told you of his two <em>French</em> Adventures, -neither did he tell me of any thing -more that befel him in <em>France</em> which was considerable; -but he having quitted that Countrey, -and being come to <em>England</em>, it was not long e’re -I came acquainted with him, and our acquaintance -proceeding to a familiarity, he not only related -to me all those adventures I have already -recited, but he also told me the condition and -state of his affairs at present: He told me -that he left <em>England</em> upon a discontent, for he -having been in love with a young Gentlewoman, -one of his own age and Quality, and that so long -and effectually, that he had won her to consent -to marriage, provided her Parents did so: but -when they came acquainted with his pretentions, -they absolutely refus’d it, for no other reason, -but that his estate did not equal hers, for she -was the only Child of her Parents, who were very -<span class='pageno' id='Page_60'>60</span>rich, and he although he was equal to her in -birth, yet in Estate he came far short, as being a -younger Brother, and having but a small allowance -or patrimony, nor indeed was there -much probability of any increase or addition to -his Estate: This was the Consideration why he -was refused, and therefore having again tryed -his Ladies mind, who although she loved him -well, yet was resolved in her marriage to be -wholly guided by her Friends, and finding himself -frustrated in his hopes, and expectations, he -therefore became melancholly and discontent, so -that to throw off that indisposition which this -had caused, he resolved for Travel, and thereupon -to <em>France</em> he went, where as I have told -you, <em>Venus</em> made him some amends for the dissatisfaction -he had had in <em>England</em>, but in time -he being weary of that place, and returning home, -he found his Mistress married to another, who -had been more fit for a winding-sheet than so -young and fair a Bride, for although he who had -married her was not very old, yet he was in a -deep Consumption, and thereby wholly incapacitated -to please a Lady. That which made -her Friends impose this Choice upon her, was -his great wealth: In this condition he found her -at his return, and considering the Condition she -was in, he had some hopes one day of enjoying -her, either as a Wife or Mistress; to this end he -made some Addresses to her, but they being taken -notice of by her Parents, but more especially -by her Husband, she was forced to command -him to forbear any more visits; with much unwillingness -he did obey her, but it was but for a -while, for he getting acquainted with her Chamber-maid, -who was flexible enough, or easie to -<span class='pageno' id='Page_61'>61</span>be made so by Gifts or Presents he bestowed -on her at present, and large promises of what he -would do for the future, so that in short time he -won her to be at his dispose, and to betray -her Masters secrets. Whereupon, when her Master -was absent, she presently gave him notice of -it, and perswaded her Mistress to walk abroad to -such places where he was sure to meet her. She -like a Woman of much vertue and constancy, for -a large time held out, and would not so much as -entertain any conversation with him, but in the -end by his humble and amorous Letters and fervent -Protestations of a vertuous love, promising -her that he designed nothing against her virtue, -and since he could not enjoy her Love, that he -might have the first place in her esteem; she at -length consented to treat with him, and now he -being admitted to treat, by degrees insinuated -his old love and great misfortune, he let her -know his great constancy, which as it had, so it -should continue with him till death, these discourses -and other arguments which he us’d, were -as the Bellows to blow up a flame out of the very -ashes where it had long lain, so that as she could -not deny but that she had formerly loved him, -and that most tenderly, so she could have done -so still, had she not been married, but being married, -she told him she must banish all thoughts of -former love: but as he had now brought her to -confess a former love, so he left not off there, but -by degrees perswaded her to a new friendship, -not a new one, but a renewing of the old; and as -friendship had been the first step to their former -love, so it was now, and she in a short time confessed -that as she had, so she still did love him: -<span class='pageno' id='Page_62'>62</span>in fine he brought her to this pass, that she confessed -she lov’d him as well as ever, and were -she free to choose a Husband, she would chuse -him before all the World; he having gain’d thus -much upon her, by degrees proceeded further, -and he promising to remain always unmarry’d, -in expectation of that time, that she might be -free to marry; she promised him that if ever that -time came, that she would certainly marry him -before all the persons in the world. At this -point they continued for some moneths, and her -Husbands Consumptive-distemper encreasing, -there was great hopes that in short time it would -send him to the other world, where he was wished -to be with all earnestness. As their converse -continued, so their love encreased, and he became -impatient of delays, and was so bold as to desire -of her the only thing she had refus’d him, but -very angry she was when he first made the proposition; -wherefore he was forced to forbear any -further discourse of that nature, but her Husbands -lingring Distemper continuing, our Lover was -out of all patience, and therefore he was once -again resolved to propound that to her, without -the enjoyment of which, he could not be happy -nor quiet, wherefore being resolv’d what to do, -he was now to think how to do it, and believing -that if he should begin any discourse upon a subject -which she hitherto had wholly dislik’d, he -should be interrupted and not heard out, and it -may be she would proceed into some violent language -against him, wherefore he was resolv’d to -communicate his thoughts to her in writing, and -there he intended to be very plain with her, -whereupon he writ, and sent her this Letter.</p> -<p class='c017'><span class='pageno' id='Page_63'>63</span>Madam,</p> -<p class='drop-capa0_2_0_7 c013'>I<em>t is now some years since I first began to affect you, -and that affection in time became so violent, that -I was forc’d to discover it to you, you did not at all -dislike it at first, for in little time found a tender esteem -from you, which by my constancy, and perseverance -was so encreas’d, that I perceiv’d you did also -love me, neither were you asham’d to own the affection -you had for me, but made me protestations of a love -that should be lasting, and there was nothing wanting, -as we thought to make us both happy, but the consent -of your Parents: but that not being gained, I preferr’d -your interest and quiet before my own, and not being -able to live near you, and not see and love you, which -by the inhumanity of your friends I was forbidden to -do, I entred into a voluntary banishment, and leaving -all the enjoyments and pleasures of my own Countrey, -went into another, hoping in time that fortune -who had been so cross to me might be more favourable, -but although I staid some time in Forreign parts, and -at my return heard of my misfortune, and indeed -your as unfortunate marriage, yet time had not banished -you out of my thoughts, I still had you perfectly -in remembrance, and found that my love to you was -so far from being extinguished, that it was then ready -to burst out into a new flame. The obstacle of your being -married and thereby of the impossibility of my -attaining my ends, did not hinder me from endeavouring -it, and I did so constantly persevere in my -endeavours, that I brought you not only to a mute -compliance, but by degrees I brought you to acknowlege -that you still loved me, and that if you were ever -free to chuse, I should be the happy man whom you -would have for a Husband, the constancy of my -affection hath wrought this miracle, but I cannot -<span class='pageno' id='Page_64'>64</span>perswade you to proceed further, and this at present -is the state of the matter between us. Now Madam, -having done all this, I am perswaded you may -yield to what I further desire of you: I know the -strictness of your Virtue absolutely forbids you any -thoughts, but I pray let me be plain with you, and -pardon these expressions which I shall use to you, -although you may judge them immodest: Madam, -you have promised to make me your Husband when -it is in your power, and I believe it is in your -thoughts that one day you may do it, for he who is -your present Husband, appears to me and all the -world to be half dead already; He being in this -condition, why will you not permit me to reap the -fruits of a long affection? but anticipating that -happy time that I hope must and will come: and -Madam, besides these Reasons, I believe and hope it -will be for your profit, for I understand the Condition -of your marriage runs thus, that if he dies -without Issue by you, then his Estate returns to his -next Heir, and thereby you will be never the better for -your marriage, and all this time you have spent -with him, is time ill spent and lost; but if you will -permit me, I hope to prevent the losing of the Estate, -for I question not but there is so great a harmony in -our affections, that a Child will proceed from us, -and when you lose your Husband, you will not lose -your Estate. This Madam, is good policy, and although -in the strictness of your virtue you may not entertain -any such thoughts, yet I am confident you may -live to repent the not doing it, Therefore hoping that -these reasons will be sufficient to over-rule you and -that I offer this as much for your content as my -own, I ever rest</em>,</p> -<div class='c016'>Your constant Lover, <em>M. G.</em></div> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_65'>65</span> - <h2 class='c004'>CHAP. V.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><em>Mistress</em> Dorothy <em>having finished this last Story, -relates how a woman by her own confession, at -her Husbands death discovered the common inconstancy -of the Sex, and her disloyalty to her -Husband, by being provided before hand.</em></p> - -<p class='drop-capa0_2_0_7 c011'>This (continued Mistress <em>Dorothy</em>) was the -Letter that our Lover sent to his Mistress, -whose chast thoughts engag’d her in a great anger -against him, but whether it were real or feign’d -you may judge by the sequel, for it was not long -er’e he was admitted into her favour, and then -having the liberty of converse, and being resolv’d -to prosecute his intentions, he so backed his Letters -with arguments, that caused her to give a -mute compliance, and silence, being the best -token of consent, he by that gathered that she did -yield, wherefore he again engaging the Chamber-maid -in his Designs, and acquainting her that her -Mistress had yielded to him in every particular -but enjoyment, neither did she refuse him that, he -desired her to stand his Friend so far, as to be instrumental -in giving him the opportunity to come -to her Bed side when she lay alone, as it was usual -with her to do; The Chamber-maid believing that -she should not anger her Mistress, and oblige her -Friend, and being willing to further and not hinder -any sport, was not long e’re she gave our -Lover his desir’d satisfaction; for she bringing -him to the Chamber when her Mistress was in Bed, -there left him. He who was not ignorant how to -deal with a Lady soon over-rul’d her, and she -<span class='pageno' id='Page_66'>66</span>seeing it was to no purpose to resist, with a kind -of willing unwillingness permitted him to come -to Bed to her; what they did you may judge by -the event, for in convenient time she discovered -her self to be with Child, she frequently lying -with her husband also; and being with Child -her Husband was an overjoy’d man, and did -hope, that as he concluded himself able to -get a Child, so he might in time be restored to -his former health: Our Lovers though they often -met, yet they used all wariness and circumspection, -and our Gallant to take off the opinion of his -still courting his old Mistress, began a Courtship -with a new one, or at least pretended so to do, and -thus the time was spent till such time as her time -came to be delivered of a Child, which proving to -be a brave lusty Boy, gave great joy to all parties, -especially to the supposed Father, who was much -joyed that he had so hopeful an Heir to enjoy his -Estate, and his Wife being again strong, and having -layn in her full time, he again accompanied her; -but in short time after he piqu’d off, and as he -had deceived his wife in his life time, so now in -his death he cheated the very worms, for they -expecting a full body, found nothing but a -meer Skelleton to feed on, you may be sure our -Lover was joyful enough at the so long wished -for, and now happy News of the death of his -Rival, neither was his wife much discontented, -although by her outward deportment she made -the world believe that she was a most disconsolate -widow, and she was so reserv’d that for some time -she kept her Chamber, and much longer kept -within doors, not visiting any body, nor permitting -any body to visit her but her Parents, and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_67'>67</span>those who were nearest related to her Husband. -However she and her intended Husband held a -Correspondency, but it was but with Letters, -which were interchanged by her Chamber-maids -assistance; In time all these mourning Solemnities -were over, and she appear’d abroad again as -resplendent as the Sun, and the fame of her plentiful -Estate, great vertue, and charming beauty, -drew to her many Adorers, whose business was -Sirreverence, Love; she who was resolv’d what -Instrument she would play on, and what Pipe -should make her musick for the future, gave them -all the hearing, but was absolute in her answers.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Her Parents seeing she had so many Suiters, -desired her to make choice of one of them, and -again engage her self in a matrimonial Life, -she replyed, that in time she might again be perswaded -to do so, but when ever she gave her consent -to alter her condition, she intended to be -more curious than she had been, and to have -more freedom in her choice; They replyed, that -indeed they had in a manner impos’d the former -Match upon her, which had been fortunate -enough, but however, when she had a mind to -alter her condition, she should have all possible -freedom in her Choice. She being thus left to -her own dispose, in short time permitted her old -Sweet-heart to make one in the number of her -Suiters, what he wanted of Means to carry on his -business the more splendidly withal, she supplied -him, so that for Gallantry and good Mien, he outdid -all her other Suiters, and being confident of -Success in his undertaking, he baffl’d them all, -who were a Company of whining obsequious -Lovers, so that at his appearance in full lustre, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_68'>68</span>they like stars at the day and Suns approach, -shrink back, and disapear’d; leaving him to Rule, -and Reign Soveraign in that heart where he already -had full possession, and now she being absolutely -at her own dispose, she told the world -that she thought she was obliged to reward -his great constancy, by permitting him to be -what he had so long desired to be, her Husband: -and therefore he was married to her; and -now both their joyes, were compleated, and they -both thought themselves fully recompenced, for -their many troubles and so long stay, especially -when they considered how much better their condition -was now than it would have been had they -been married at such time as they both at first -desired; for although he concluded that his Predecessor -had possest her, yet it had cost him dear, -for his Estate was all given in Exchange, and now -lawfully invested and settled on a Child, who although -he and all the world believed to be his -lawful Heir, yet they knew the contrary, and our -Lover was Father of a Son and Heir the first day -of his marriage, and which was the greatest Paradox, -such a Child as he did conclude was of his -own begetting; and now she did not (I suppose) -repent of the counsel he had given her, and which -they together had put in practice, to the great -satisfaction of them both; These Considerations -(said Mistress <em>Dorothy</em>) I think were very considerable, -and conduced much to their satisfaction, and -now, said she, I think you can expect no more -relations of this nature, for in this condition I left -our two Lovers, and here I shall put an end to all -that I know of his Adventures.</p> - -<p class='c012'>I seeing that Mistress <em>Dorothy</em> had done, and finding -that she had fully finished her discourse, told -<span class='pageno' id='Page_69'>69</span>her that I wish’d all true Lovers, no worse a conclusion -of their amours than these two had; but, -continued I it was well that they managed their -affairs so privately, that neither her Parents nor -Friends had any suspition of him, for if they had, -it might have fallen out worse with them, and this -our recital puts me in mind of a small story that -I have heard, which in regard it somewhat resembles -yours I shall presently relate to you, and -thus it was:</p> - -<p class='c012'>A young-woman had (by the over-ruling and -perswasions of friends) permitted her self to be -married to an old man, who lived some years with -her, but she was soon weary of his Company, and -being free in her converse and carriage, gave opportunity -to several young men to court her, her -Husband saw it, but without any possibility of redressing -the same, for he being old and feeble, and -she young, obstinate, and wilful, did rule the Roast -her self, and so disturb’d and vex’d him, that it -shortned his days. When he was on his Death-Bed, -and believed he should die, he like a good -Christian was resolv’d to be in Charity with all -the world, but his wife had so cross’d and affronted -him, that she who of all the world he should be -most in charity with, was most out of his books, -and he was resolv’d to put her out of his Will too -as much as he could, she believing that he would -die indeed, and that it might be to her prejudice -if he should die in the minde he was then in, was -resolved if possible to put him into a better mind, -and therefore she attended, pleased, and humored -him, in every thing that it was possible to do; he -seeing so great a change in her carriage, changed -his mind also, and being now very weak, and just -at deaths door, made his Will, and in good and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_70'>70</span>orderly manner named her his loving Wife, and -making her full and sole Executrix of that his -last Will and Testament, gave her all he had, and -now having seal’d his Will and given it into her -custody, he would also give her his blessing, and -told he was in full and absolute Charity with her -and all the world, only he desired one request of her, -which he praid her to grant him, and not be angry -at the proposition he should make her; she promis’d -him attention and obedience, and thereupon -he thus began:</p> - -<p class='c012'>Although you have of late given me some Testimonies -of your love and obedience, and thereby -won me to a good opinion of you, yet know, till -that of late I had an ill opinion of you, and that -not without cause, especially to the outward appearance, -and indeed I must needs tell you, I was -troubled with that disease which the world calls -jealousie, but your late good carriage hath cur’d -me of that distemper, and now I am dying, I give -you free leave to marry, and conjure you so to do -with all decent conveniency; but above all things, -I only beg you not to be married to <em>F. K.</em> who of -all your Company-keepers I had most suspition -of, and therefore have most cause to hate.</p> - -<p class='c012'>This is that which I desire of you, and which I -hope you will as you have promis’d me obey me, -in: The good woman seeing that her Husband -had finished his discourse, thus replied;</p> - -<p class='c012'>Truly Husband you may, and I hope will rest -satisfied that I will obey you, when I shall tell -you that I must not, will not, nor cannot be married -to the man you name; for I’le assure you I -am so far from doing so, that I am already determined -to have another, and indeed, to satisfie -<span class='pageno' id='Page_71'>71</span>you farther, I’le assure you the Contract for marriage -is already drawn and passed between us, and -nothing is wanting to finish it but your death, and -the Ceremony of the Church. The poor old man -hearing her give this answer, was so troubled at -the thought of it, that being almost dead already, -this quite kill’d him, whereby she had the means -to put her Design in Execution.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Thus said I, have I finished my discourse, and -as it much resembles your Story, so I believe your -Lady was of the same mind as my woman, although -she had so much discretion as to conceal -it from all the world; but, continued I, your story -is very pleasant, it being such an expedient to get -an Heir, and thereby get an Estate, as I have not -heard of, and indeed the young Gentleman did -deserve to have somewhat considerable for the -use of his Lady; for I conclude her his ever since -he had took the pains to court her and gain her -affections, and promise of marriage, and although -his Estate was not equal to hers, yet together -their Estates would have been so considerable as -might have afforded them a sufficient maintenance; -but now it fell out better, she not being much -damag’d, he much improv’d by travel, and their -Estate now being a very plentiful one. Indeed -I wonder why friends should hinder marriages -when both parties are agreed, only for the deserts -of a little money, when as let them do what they -can if either party match otherwise, their lives -are commonly miserable, and although Matches -are upon that account sometimes obstructed, yet -commonly in the end they take effect.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_72'>72</span> - <h2 class='c004'>CHAP. VI.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><em>A Widow that was wealthy resolv’d to marry none -but such an one which should enlarge her Estate, -under that Pretence she was cunningly out-witted -by one dropping a Letter; she is married to one not -worth a groat, instead of a Joynter he gives her a -Copy of Verses. He afterwards grows jealous, -the sad effects of Jealousie, and a strange Story -thereupon.</em></p> - -<p class='drop-capa0_2_0_7 c011'>I having finished my discourse, it was well approved -of, but said Mistress <em>Dorothy</em> often-times -the one party being covetous, and marrying -only out of hopes of a good estate, is out-witted -and deceived by the other, and since, said she, we -are entred upon the discourse of marriage, I will -give you an account of one who was over-reached -in that manner.</p> - -<p class='c012'>There lived a woman of my acquaintance who -having been once married, and her Husband dead, -was resolved to have an other, but withal, she was -resolved that she would have such an one that -should enlarge her Estate, which although it was -considerable enough, yet she intended now to have -such a Husband as should bring an Estate equal -to, if not exceeding her own. Her former marriage -had been when she was very young, and -then it was for love, and that Love being dead, -she intended to bury all fond love with him, because -she had bin so easily courted, and won by -her first Husband, several others put in to be her -second; but, as she said, having tryed the effects -of love, and finding that it had been likely to -<span class='pageno' id='Page_73'>73</span>have made her miserable, she purpos’d to have no -more of that, but intended now to have such a -man as she did not hate; one accomplish’d, and -likely enough to do a womans business, but all this -would not do unless he were rich; and being thus -resolv’d, she turned off all Suiters that came to her, -that she did not know were thus accomplished.</p> - -<p class='c012'>At length came a Gentleman that was a very -likely man to the outward appearance, and he -professed he had a hundred pounds <span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>per annum</em></span>, -and it may be more: Those friends that introduced -him into her acquaintance, told her that he was a -plain upright honest man, and that what ever he -said or should say of himself she might believe, -and withal that they knew that his Estate was -worth three hundred pounds <span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>per annum</em></span>, he having -spoken so modestly of himself as a hundred pounds -<span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>per annum</em></span> and his and her friends telling her of -three hundred <span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>per annum</em></span>; she knew not what to -think of it, or which to believe, sometimes she was -of the opinion that he might have the three hundred -pounds <span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>per annum</em></span> her friends talked of, and -only out of modesty, and to try her temper, spake -but of one hundred pounds himself, because he intended -after marriage to be the better esteem’d -by her, because things proved better than she expected; -and at other times she did not know but -that he might be an Imposter, and it may be had -little or nothing, and that all this was but a Trick -to catch and over-reach her, wherefore she was resolv’d -to proceed with all caution.</p> - -<p class='c012'>He being desirous to put an end to his courtship -and finish all by matrimony, asked her when the -day should be wherein they should be joyned? she -<span class='pageno' id='Page_74'>74</span>told him that she was not in haste, and that it was -fit before marriage, to make some provision and -settlement of Estate, as that afterwards there -might not be any cause to repent, and therefore -if he would say, what part of his Estate he would -settle and ensure on her, and conclude that, the -marriage might soon be concluded on.</p> - -<p class='c012'>To this he presently answered, that his Estate -was a hundred pounds <span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>per annum</em></span>, and somewhat -more, now he would put her to her choice, whether -she would have the hundred pound <span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>per annum</em></span> -settled on her, or leave the business to his own free -will and appointment, telling her that he questioned -not but she would deserve well of him, and that -then it would be to her advantage, not to have -any certain Settlement.</p> - -<p class='c012'>To this proposition she knew not what to answer, -but being covetous told him that she would for -two or three days consider of it; he was content, -and so they parted. The next day he took occasion -to visit her again, and pulling somewhat -hastily out of his pocket, he dropt a Letter which -he did not miss, but going out of the Room left -the letter behind him. This Lady seeing it fall, -took it up, and seeing that by the Superscription -it was directed to him, and being very desirous to -know somewhat of his affairs, she was resolv’d to -keep and peruse it: wherefore he soon after leaving -the house, and she being retired, and having -opened the Letter found these Lines:</p> -<p class='c017'>Sir,</p> -<p class='drop-capa0_2_0_7 c013'>A<em>fter due Respects to you, these are to acquaint you -that although we have had the misfortune of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_75'>75</span>your long absence, yet your affairs have hitherto -fallen out fortunate enough, and are likely still to -continue so, for of the last half years Rent due to -you, I have gathered in two hundred pounds, which -you know is the whole within a small matter, and -there is three hundred pounds more fallen upon you -by an accident which you may receive at your first -arrival: for</em> S. L. <em>your old Tenant in your Copyhold -and his Wife are both dead, and their Son -hath offered two hundred pounds for a new Lease, -renewed in his and his brothers Names, besides an addition -of twenty pounds</em> per annum <em>Rent more than -formerly, and a hundred pounds more is offered by -Goodman</em> L. <em>to put in his Sons Life into his Lease, -so that I am much importuned to dispatch them, If -you please to perform these two Leases (as in my -opinion you may) they are so desirous of their Bargains -that they will pay down the money to me, and -take my promise that you will at your return seal to -them, so that if you please to accept it I will send up -the whole sum, five hundred pounds together, it being -more safe and profitable for you to dispose it at</em> -London <em>than here.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'><em>And now having done with your business, I beseech -you pardon me, if I desire to know whether, -and how you proceed in your Love Sute, for the -Widow</em> R. <em>who you had some affection for her, is -desirous that you would renew your Suit, and she -is in some better capacity as to her Estate than -formerly, for an Unkle lately dead, hath left -her five hundred pounds: but Sir, I knowing -that you do not esteem money equal to affection -must be silent, and leave all to your own discretion; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_76'>76</span>Thus desiring your Worships Pardon for this boldness, -I rest</em></p> -<div class='c006'>Your Worships Servant</div> -<div class='c007'>and Steward,</div> -<div class='c016'><em>L. T.</em></div> -<p class='c017'>Our covetous Widow having greedily read over -this Letter, was hugely pleas’d with the Contents -thereof, and hugg’d her self for the good Fortune -she was likely to have; for now she resolved that -her Sweet-heart had near five hundred pound <span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>per -annum</em></span>, besides five hundred pounds ready mony -in his Purse that she knew of, but the latter end of -the Letter did not at all please her, wherein the -Steward was so bold as to put him in minde of his -old Love, and she was very fearful that the five -hundred pounds additional Estate that she had, -might incline him to renew his Suit; wherefore -all these matters being considered, she was resolv’d -to delay or protract the business no longer, -but upon his next desires of marriage, to accept -of it, and that upon his own terms.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Wherefore two or three days being past over, -wherein she had promis’d to consider of it, and he -again desiring her Answer, and withal telling her -that his occasions called him into the Countrey, -she therefore tells him that she was so far perswaded -of his Love and Honesty, that she was -ready to be married to him so soon as he pleased, -and that without any terms leaving it to his own -disposing, not doubting but as she had generously -cast herself upon him, so that he would be as -generous in his providence for her; he replyed -that she should command all he had, and then by -<span class='pageno' id='Page_77'>77</span>her consent ordering the Wedding Solemnities, -they were within three days married. She hoping -that by her freeness with him, he would be civil -to her, gave him the Keys, and thereby the possession -of all her Money, Plate, and writings, and -he taking so much as he had present occasion for, -returned the Keys to her again.</p> - -<p class='c012'>And thus they strived to out-do one another -in kindness; but some weeks being past, and he -not at all speaking of his Countrey affairs, she -put him in mind of them, telling him that it -would be convenient for him to visit his house in -the Countrey, and that if he pleas’d she would accompany -him in the Countrey, and withal adding, -that she hoped he would be as good as his -word, and make her a considerable Joynture; he -reply’d that she had so well pleas’d him, that he -would make her a Joynture of all he had, she believing -that it was as considerable as the Letter -express’d, gave him many thanks; and thus he fed -her with good words, but still delay’d his Journey, -and put her off with some odd pretence or other, -but she at last becoming importunate with him for -her Joynture, he told her that he was so well skill’d -in Law, that he would draw a Draught of it himself, -and give it her to advise with her friends, she was -now well enough content, only she still put him in -mind of the Draught of the Joynture; he told her -he was about it, and had almost finished it, and one -day told her that now it was done, and that he -also had occasion to take a Journey for three -days, and in that time she might confer with her -friends about the Draught he would leave her; -she was very well content, and he taking money -in his Pocket went his journey; when she taking -<span class='pageno' id='Page_78'>78</span>the Paper he had left, and believing it to be the -draught of her Joynture, went to some of her nearest -Relations to confer with, and have their advice -about it, but they opening the Paper, instead -of the expected draught of a Joynture, they found -these Lines:</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c002'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in2'><em>Grave plodding Sirs, my Wife I’ve sent to you,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>That you’le advise her what she’d had best to do;</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>She’s rich and so am I, beyond controul,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>For I have Lordships boundless as my soul;</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>She’s vastly rich what need she covet more?</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Yet gaining me, she’s richer than before;</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>I have no Lands, confest, but I have wit,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Make her such Joynture as you please of it:</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>I have good parts too, that she knows full well,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>And may confess, if not asham’d to tell;</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Both which she shall command nor will I be</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Unkind to her that was thus kind to me;</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>What would she more? having enough of Pelf,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Sh’ hath all she could have, since she hath my self:</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Dear-second-self, be not displeas’d, that I</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Have fram’d a Letter to gain thee thereby:</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Who would not rack his wits to spring a Myne</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>So rich? all other’s poor compar’d to thine;</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Now here the Powers above henceforth decree,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>That none may work within that Mine but me.</em></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>The Gentleman returning, found his wife in so -pleasant and <span lang="fr" xml:lang="fr"><em>debonair</em></span> a temper, that he thought she -had complotted with her friends some satisfactory -revenge that might be equivalent to the stratagems -he had laid to gain a wealthy Widow, with the subtle -<span class='pageno' id='Page_79'>79</span>pretences of a fair promising fortune. But having -discourst her to every thing, and penetrating the -very recesses of her heart, found she was more satisfied -with his wit in this cunning contrivance, than -if he had the real enjoyment of what he so largely -pretended; and now she hugg’d his soul with much -more ardency than her feeble hands could do his -body: great was the satisfaction on both sides, -but much greater was the Gentlewomans, finding -an Husband answerable to her desires, beyond -all expectations; neither was the Gentleman backward -in making ample acknowledgements how -happy he was in that his propitious stars had by -their clear shining influence lighted him to so fair a -wife, with so large a Fortune: The Friends and -Relations of this joyful Bride were all very well-contented -by being out-witted by a Gentleman -every way compleat both as to Soul and Body, -each wishing it had been their lucky hap to have -had a Son in Law of so worthy a person.</p> - -<p class='c012'>For a considerable time they nothing but treated -one another, which was done on all sides with so -much Gallantry and generous freedom, as sufficiently -demonstrated the greatness of the respects -and friendship they had for one another. -The new married Couple were like a pair of -Turtles, always wooing and courting each other, -with so much ardency and affection, that they -were look’d upon by all, as the best Pattern of a kind -Husband and a loving Wife. After this manner -they lived some years, and obtained the fruit of -all their enjoyments, by having several Children -Males and Females: But as it is usually and philosophically -said that what is violent is seldom permanent, -so it prov’d true in our two Lovers; for -<span class='pageno' id='Page_80'>80</span>though there was no similitude in the loves of -others to theirs, yet length of time made their -loves so dissimular to each other by an unhappy -accident, that we have scarcely heard of an Example -of the like kind, which produced a more -dismal and lamentable Tragedy.</p> - -<p class='c012'>This Gentlewoman as I have informed you, was -an extraordinary Beauty, very handsome, and of a -winning carriage, very familiar where she observed -any thing of merit or desert; only to be blamed for a -small matter of Avarice, which had ever ran in the -veins of her Ancestors; but principally to be admired -for her modest deportment and chaste disposition. -In her minority when the sweet Rose-bud, her -virginity was scarce blown, she had a vast quantity -of Suiters, which dayly sollicited her Parents to give -their consent that they might address themselves to -the Daughter by the way of marriage, some of the -more wealthy sort were permitted, others for want -of a Fortune suitable to hers, were denied, but -she for her part lookt upon them all with so much -indifferency, that she gave none an occasion to -boast of her extraordinary favours.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Whilst her amorous Visitants were despairing -by reason of her extream coldness, a young -and sprightly Gentleman hearing of her incomparable -beauty, and rare accomplishments crowded -in among the rest of her Adorers, and at first -sight concluded what he saw, to out-strip what -ever he had taken upon report, and fell passionately -in love with her, and having not other Rhetorique -but his eyes, he employed them so effectually, -that they spake more in his behalf, -than if he had had the advantage of a score of -eloquent tongues to have pleaded his Cause; the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_81'>81</span>warming Rays of these two little glittering Orbs -thaw’d her affection with as much facility as the -melting Sun dissolves an hoary frost crisping the -Pearly-dew’d grass in a <em>May</em>-morning. Thus at the -first interview there was a reciprocal return of each -others affections, but though there was a suitableness -in their wills, yet there was a desparity in -their Fortunes, which caused her friends to be utterly -against any overture that should be made -as to a Match with this young Gentleman and -their Daughter, and lest there should be any private -conference between them which might more -strongly cement their affections, they resolved to -prevent all things of that nature by sending her -to a place not only remote, but altogether unknown -to any but themselves.</p> - -<p class='c012'>What an heart-breaking this was to our two -Lovers I will give you leave to imagine; for a time -it was almost intolerable, but Absence the best remedy -for a Love-sick heart cured her in some -part; and hearing that her friend’s discontent had -forced him to travel with a resolution never to return, -(she being call’d home to her fathers house) -was induced to permit the visits of her Amorists -as before; and now seeing herself incapable of holding -out longer, by reason of the perswasion of her -Parents, and incessant importunities of her Lover, -yields to him, and so they were married, with -whom she lived very happily; but her Husband -dying, she lived a while a widow, in hope to hear -from her first Lover, which ever makes the deepest -impression on the amorous heart, but being assur’d -by several credible persons (as she thought) -that he was dead, she bathing his memory with some -tears, resolved when opportunity should fair and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_82'>82</span>advantagiously offer it self, she would throw off -her Widow-hood and re-assume her former condition. -To this purpose several addressed themselves -to her, but she being a politick and crafty woman, -gave ear to them all, but gave credit to -none. And indeed for my part I cannot but applaud -her prudence in not too hastily marrying -after the decease of her Husband, if it were for -nothing else than the dayly treats a woman shall -meet withal in that condition, if she be handsome; -if wealthy, how will the presents come tumbling -hourly into her lap? Not a beauty hunter in the -Town but will endeavour to have a flurt at the -Widow, and not a younger brother or decay’d Gallant -but will try to sawder up his crack’d Fortunes, -though he spend his whole Revenue on her, that -is, either what he hath about him, or what he can -borrow upon a thousand Oaths and Protestations. -But to return where I left off, this Widow admitted -several to caress her, whom she entertained -handsomely befitting their quality; among the -rest this last (indigent) Gentleman accosted her, the -greatness of whose affections with the pretence of -a great Estate, carried her from all the rest; happily -they lived some considerable time, and longer -they might have so done, had not this Gentlewomans -first Lover returned, who did so upon no other -account than that he heard his dearly beloved Mistress -was in a condition to receive him into her bosom, -and so make him amends for all the sorrow -and trouble he had sustained for her sake: but finding -his expectations frustrated, he behaved himself -like a man distracted, especially when he had -heard from her own mouth, had he been present, -of all the men in the world she would have chosen -<span class='pageno' id='Page_83'>83</span>him for her Husband. This indeared expression -as it would at another time have transported -him into an Extasie of Joy, so now it wrought -contrary effects upon him, for to think by his -rash and inconsiderate absenting himself he had -lost that inestimate prize he might have enjoy’d -by waiting near it with patience. His madness -encreas’d to that height, he took his Bed and fell -into a desperate Fever; his Mistress hearing in -what a sad condition this poor Gentleman lay -for her sake, could do no less than give him a visit -to comfort him, and reduce him if it were possible -to his former understanding, for he raved -night and day, continually calling on her name, -exclaiming against her cruelty, and I know not -what.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The ravings of this Gentleman were bruited -every where some pitying him, whilst they cunningly -pryed into the cause of his distemper, and -by reason he was a person well known to most of -the inhabitants, old stories were rapt up, and all -concluded the deplorableness of his present state -proceeded from this Gentlewoman.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Her Husband was not so deaf, but that he -heard all these mutterings, which extreamly disturb’d -his spirits, insomuch that he now began to -question in his thoughts his Wife’s fidelity to -him, but exprest not his resentments in the least, -resolving to see what the event of these things -would be. The Gentlewoman on the other side -fearing lest she should be the death of him she -once loved equally with her own life, resolved to -restore him if she could, and to that intent she -judg’d the best expedient was to remove his despair, -by giving him some hopes that he had a -share in that heart still which was once totally -<span class='pageno' id='Page_84'>84</span>his; which she did with so much assurance (though -with no such intent) that he had not so lost his -senses but that he understood what she said, and -therefore begg’d a repetition of these words again, -which she did so sweetly and with so much seeming -reality, that this remedy had like to have -proved his absolute ruine, for at this he cryed -out as loud as his weakned spirits would give -leave, O let me die! since none more happy now -than I, and so fell into a swound; there were -none in the Room but these two, but the Gentlewoman -with her shrieks soon fill’d the Room, -who assisted all to recal him, with much difficulty -they did, and now their greatest care was to get -him to sleep; he was now easily perswaded to -any thing, to all their admirations, and so reposing -him self that night, there was by the next -morning wrought so wonderful a change that all -his friends were amazed. This miraculous recovery -plainly appeared to proceed from his Doctress -for after this there was not a visit that she -gave him, which did not sensibly amend him.</p> - -<p class='c012'>At length he was restored to his perfect health, -and now did this Gentlewomans Husband fall -sick of a worse distemper, the <em>Plague of Jealousie</em>, -and raved as the other had done, but in a worse -manner; for now he did not stick to call that -wife (which he knew with all her Friends to be -honest and virtuous) Whore, Strumpet, <em>&c.</em> It -was to no purpose for her to justify her innocency, -for he was so strongly possest with an -opinion of her dishonesty, that he would not hear -the least Plea in her behalf, but so enrag’d he -was that nothing proceeded out of his mouth -but vows to be revenged on his Wife and loose -Associate; several attempts he made on them -<span class='pageno' id='Page_85'>85</span>both, but ineffectual; insomuch that it was now high -time for their friends to advise them not to come -near him, till some means might be used to convince -him of his misbelief, and to lay open the -danger that would ensue should he persist in this -misgrounded opinion.</p> - -<p class='c012'>This counsel was well receiv’d and followed, -this Jealous Gentleman being thus deserted, and -the Subjects of his revenge removed from him, -ran up and down like a mad-man, but seeing at -last this could not be the way to effect his purpose, -desisted from raving, and seemed to hearken -to the counsel of his friends who advised by all -means to harbour no such unworthy thought of -his wife, pawning their souls she was as honest as -their own, with many more perswasions, which he -hearkned to with great attention seemingly, and -to be short, acknowledg’d his error; and if that -they would be the instruments of bringing his -wife to him again, he would on his knees beg her -forgiveness, and the Gentleman whom he had -wrong’d, they making him bind his promise with -many Vows and Protestations, assured him they -would use their utmost endeavour, in short time -they prevailed with the Gentlewoman to return -upon the Conditions aforesaid.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Coming home, this hypocritical jealous Devil -prepared a sumptuous Dinner, and invited his -supposed Rival, with many friends to rejoyce with -him in this happy reconciliation between him -and his wife, and in the mean time he applied -himself to an Apothecary, an intimate friend of -his, whom he thought wicked enough for his -purpose, and one that he might confidently trust, -telling him that his wife was a Whore, and that -he knew the Rogue her lascivious Paramour; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_86'>86</span>that he was a dead man if he was not revenged -on them both by death, and for that purpose he -must help him to a strong dose of poyson that -shall dispatch them instantly; the Apothecary -after some pauses, with the proviso of never -being discovered, consented, and gave him something -in a paper, which with much joy he received, -and carried home with all expedition. -By this time dinner was ready and serv’d up, the -Guests seated, and he bidding them welcome -with a chearful countenance, declar’d to the -whole Company that he had highly wrong’d -his wife, and that Gentleman pointing to him, -that if they would forgive him, he would make -them amends; they readily condescended to -what he had propounded, and now nothing but -a general jolity was observed throughout the -Table, the Glasses went about merrily, there being -all sorts of wine to excess; and now let -me bring this feast to its Catastrophe. The -Cloth being removed, and all prepared and -ready for a Grace-cup, this graceless man, the -Master of the Feast, call’d for a Bottle of Wine, -in which before he had conveyed what he had -received from the Apothecary, and filling out -thereof in a large glass up to the brimm, drank -an health to his wife, wishing they might never -have more difference here, his Wife and all the -Company gladly accepted the notion; he having -drank it off filled to his wife, which she drank -off to her former Lover, he receives it, and drank, -as the other had done, to the next having so -done, the Husband started up, saying, It was -enough, it should go no further; every one admired -at the humour, which he perceiving, said, -you must think I love my wife and her friends -<span class='pageno' id='Page_87'>87</span>better than so, than that they should drink what -you do, they deserve to have something therein -better than ordinary to end all differences on -Earth, and make them Saints in Heaven, I love -them not so ill as not to bear them company; -Come, come to your prayers for a prosperous -journey, our time is but short. Lord! what a -confusion was all the room in, when they heard -him speak after this manner, knowing now that -he had perfected his revenge by poysoning them -and himself too. Several were dispatcht instantly -for Antidote to expel the poyson, whilst -the poor Gentlewoman and her friend were on -their knees offering up their last Petitions: having -said some Prayers, Husband, said she, I forgive -you with all my Soul, but know, I ever -lov’d you too well to defile your Bed, and as -these are (as I suppose) the last words I shall -ever speak to you more, I am innocent as to what -you unjustly suspect me with; and let me, said -her friend, on the dying words of a sinful man -protest, I never defiled your Bed, and do believe -her from all others as chaste as the chastest Vestal-Virgin; -whilst they were thus confessing, the -Apothecary came in just as the Husband had -kneeled to ask Heaven forgivenness for this triple -murder. The Apothecary seeing them all in -this posture, he broke out into a very extravagant -laughter, which made the Husband turn -about his head, who seeing the Apothecary, -cryed out, Seize that Villain, it is he that hath -help’d me to do this damn’d Act, it is he that -hath furnished me with those hellish materials to -murder the innocent; by this time conceit had -so wrought on the other two, that by their faces -it was high time the Apothecary saw to unriddle -<span class='pageno' id='Page_88'>88</span>the whole matter; wherefore desiring them to -rise, Gentlemen, said he, the Master of this house -upon a discontent grounded on jealousie, the particulars -whereof you all know, came to me, and -desired assistance in his revenge by poyson, had I -deny’d him he would have gone to some else, -who might have embraced his wicked design, -but to the intent I might hinder all further attempts, -I gave him nothing but what was harmless, -and assure your selves there is no danger in -what you have drank, my life for yours; this -strangely amaz’d them all, the Gentlewoman was -demanded how she felt her self, she acknowledged -to have no sense of alteration, and so did the -other; the Husband seeing how fouly his Plot -was discovered, and being ashamed to breath -after so much intentional guilt, drew a Dagger and -attempted to stabb himself three or four times, but -was still prevented, being at last somewhat pacified -by his good wife, he retired, and having for -two years sequestred himself from the enjoyments -of the world, exercising himself in all things that -became a penitent man, he vowed a weekly pennance -during his life, and so was throwly reconciled -to his wife, and the moderate enjoyments -of this life.</p> - -<p class='c012'>And thus Mistress <em>Dorothy</em> finished all her Stories -acquainting us further, that amongst these -many Amorists that came to see her, her friend -the Scrivener, became intimately acquainted with -her, and frequenting her Company often, gained -so great an Interest in her, that he being bound -for the <em>East Indies</em>, perswaded her to go with him -in mans apparel, which she did, and there found -some of her old acquaintance, and one that had been -so familiar with her before in <em>England</em>. Every -<span class='pageno' id='Page_89'>89</span>one had now given an account of the most considerable -passages of their lives, excepting only -the Captain, who being sollicited thereunto, freely -condescended to anatomize his life, without -mincing the least material truth, and thus in -the Chapters following gives you the whole relation.</p> - -<div class='figcenter id003'> -<img src='images/i_089fp.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' /> -</div> - -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c004'>CHAP. VII.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><em>The Sea-Captain gives an account of his illegitimate -Birth at</em> Bristol, <em>was left on a Stall, and -maintained by the Parish. He is deluded by a -Bawd, and perswaded to steal; he is taken</em> -<span lang="la" xml:lang="la">ipso facto</span>, <em>committed, arraigned, and condemned -to be transported; the Bawd is carted.</em></p> - -<p class='drop-capa0_2_0_7 c011'>It’s now high time for me to acknowledge the -great Satisfaction I have received in your relating -so many witty and pleasant passages, that -have occurr’d in your lives time hitherto; nor -can I (without injuring your ingenuity) but commend -your generous freedom in discoursing every -Remarque, and not omiting any observable, -though you knew it could not chuse but cut the -very throat of your dying Reputations; and that -I may not seem to fall short of that frankness, -and gallantry, I will not so much as seem tainted -of the late unpardonable sin of these times; Men -making it generally their business to censure the -Lives and Actions of others, without being in the -least sensible of their own, or amending those -they cannot hide. Wherefore I shall not abate -my self an Ace, nor shall I let a Vice escape, -(whereof I am and hath been plentifully stored) -without letting you take notice of its shape, complexion, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_90'>90</span>and constitution; Nor shall I hide this -truth from you, that I came into the world by -stealth; being begot in <em>Hugger-mugger</em>. As my -Parents begot me rashly, so they left me carelesly -to the world, not doubting, but that which -was gotten with so much heat, would live in -spight of Fate. They were the more resolute in -this cruel resolution of leaving me on a Stall, -having generally observed the good Fortune that -generally attends Bastards. I was not long left -on the Stall, (as my Nurse hath several times -since informed me,) but that Hunger awakening -me, I piped so shrilly, (and so unexpectedly lowd -from a Child so young,) that I soon penetrated -the ears of a great many pitiful minded persons -that were passing by that way: but the greatest -number were of the Female Sex. The Maids, -you may think had fine tittering sport; whilst I -poor Babby cryed for I knew not what, and well -it had been if I never had known what it was to -shed a Tear. At length a notable old Woman -of the vulgar sort, pressing into the crowd; <em>Stand -aside</em> (quoth she) <em>ye giggletting Huzzies; get ye -home to your Mistresses service; there is some of -ye, for all your laughing now I warrant ye, will -be putting finger in eye before these nine Months, -upon the like account</em>, and so steps to me; <em>What</em> -(said she) <em>the Child must not starve, though it be a -By blow; its none of the poor infants fault</em>; and -so opening her Breast, she conducted her Nipple -to my mouth, which immediately quieted my bawling. -Various were the Discourses and suppositions -of the People whose Child I should be, every one giving -in his verdict according to his imagination, or -the suspitions he had entertained of such and such. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_91'>91</span>Some that were more curious and inquisitive than -the rest, strictly survey’d me all over, and having -commended me for a lusty Child (as generally such -are, who are begotten by the heat of blood and -strength, grown to full perfection) but likewise -praised the proportion and promising features of my -tender countenance. At last, a Paper some espy’d -pinn’d to my breast, which my Nurse preserving, -since I was of years, she gave them me, and I committed -them to my memory, which were these:</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c002'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><em>You see I’me pretty, and am cleanly clad;</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Shew then more pity, than my Mother had.</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>But four days since, that I received breath;</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>O do not let me cry my self to death.</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Take home your Child, this Parish is my Mother;</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>And what’s distressed in it is my Brother.</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Keep me awhile, for in some time don’t fear,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>I’le fully recompence your cost and care.</em></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>Whilst these were reading by a fellow, that -thought himself not meanly so, because he could read -written hand; there was a general silence, but no -sooner had he ended, but there arose a greater tattling -noise in the Crowd, than twenty Bake-houses, or -a Fair in any Countrey town could produce. Saith -one; <em>I warrant the Father on’t was no Fool, for -doubtlesly he wrote the Verses, but the Mother was -without question a cruel Quean, that could find in her -heart to let so lovely a Babe to perish by extremity of -cold</em>; for it was then about <em>January</em>. The Constable -was straight way informed of this accident, who -readily came, and caused me to be carryed to a -<span class='pageno' id='Page_92'>92</span>Churchwardens: the Woman that was so tender-hearted -as to suckle me, was glad of the imployment, -hoping she might be the Woman elected to -be my Nurse; which fell out accordingly, she lately -loosing her own Child of a quarter old. The good -woman was overjoyed she had got another to supply -the place of her own; especially since she suspected -that her age would not permit her to be -assisting in the getting of another, and therefore was -the more tender of me; Her care and fondness made -me grow apace, so that in 12 Months I was called -her chopping Boy. To pass over that age, wherein -the understanding is in <em>Embrio</em>, and Reason and -Experience have not yet consulted about the governing -of the grand concerns of mans future being; -I shall only give you an account of my Life -from the Ninth Year of my Age, till this present.</p> - -<p class='c012'>My Nurse could not choose, when I was but -Seven years old, but take notice of many things I -committed, for which she severely chastis’d me, -endeavouring to stop me in my first proceedings, -knowing my pretty Rogueries had their rise from -an inclination to all manner of Vice. Above all -things I loved all sorts of strong Liquors, not -that anything accounted pleasurable, could go -amiss with me; for how could it otherwise be, -since my Parents, (as I have been informed) studied -only how to enjoy their Heaven here, by enjoying -what was agreeable most to sence; and therefore -I could not be unlike them, who was the absolute -extract of no common delights. I say I loved -in an extraordinary measure, whatsoever was -strong, yet being too young, and so could not -drink for the sake of good company, I would -<span class='pageno' id='Page_93'>93</span>greedily drink for its own sake, and that I might -procure my satisfaction that way, I found frequent -opportunities to steal small parcels out of -my Nurses Purse when she was asleep, and then pretending -that she sent me for Ale, would drink it -by the way; Any small trivial thing, as a Knife, -&c. in any House wherever I came, I instantly seiz’d -them as my proper Goods and Chattels, and converted -them to the use aforesaid: I had a very good -convenience of a Bawdy-house not above a Musquet -shot from our House; the well disposed Matron -thereof, would not only receive what I brought, but -would give me half as much Ale as it was worth, besides -her blessing, (curse be upon it, I never thriv’d -since I had it,) the breath of her best wishes being -enough to blast the most promising hopes, that ever -yet aspiring Youth entertain’d within his breast; -Nay, she told me I was her white Boy, instructed -and encouraged me in the Art of theevery, telling -me the welcomer I was, the oftner I came. By this -means I began to know what it was to keep Company, -her Wenches being my initiators, by whose -help and my forward endeavours, I commenced -Master of Art, before I could sum up Twelve years; -I soon became Professor of that deep Mystery, and -could when occasion served not, swear mouthingly, -(which others call gracefully,) looking impudently, -talk impertinently, or imprudently, drink profoundly, -and smoak everlastingly. I had got a trick to -laugh at every thing, because I would not be accounted -morose, or phlegmatick; The melancholy -man is a thing by itself, differing from the whole -creation; in which every individual <em>species</em> loves -either an intercourse in converse, or amicable Society. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_94'>94</span>That humour certainly was spawned by the -Devil if it be true (as it is affirmed) that all Vices -take their Original from Melancholy: on the contrary, -what fault can he commit, whilst he is laughing, -and merry, that deserves so much as the knitting of -a Brow? Not that I will excuse my self; for my -laughter was immoderate, and unseasonable, things -so offensively ridiculous to any wise man, (as I have -considered since) that it were better to be destitute -of a mouth, than that distorted Mouth should -abuse the grateful off-spring of a cheerful heart.</p> - -<p class='c012'>I could not have gone to a fitter School than this, -to learn Impudence, Lies, Oaths, Drunkenness, with -all other Vices and Debaucheries, which commonly -flow from such like Nurseries for Hell, Factors for -the Devil. My frequent ramblings after this manner -abroad, and in my returns, my jolly temper and -jocular humour at home, made my Nurse begin -to suspect me, calling me to an account where I -had been, with whom, and whether I had not tippled. -I was grown so stout a Drunkard in so short -a time, that my tongue and feet made a firm contract -never to betray me, and therefore to all her -demands I had excuses at my fingers ends: However -she could not but sensibly find a decrease in -her small stock; her chief livelihood depending on -the sale of Apples, Nuts, Ginger-bread, Eggs, and -the like, and thought all her endeavours were -blasted from above: I saw her much troubled, -and grieved, and I could not but be a little troubled, -that I should be the destruction of my preserver; -but as seldom any such perplexing thoughts -came into my head, so I was ever cautious how -I entertained such disquietness. But Heaven decreed, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_95'>95</span>that I should not be the ruine of this -Woman, and therefore permitted me to go no -longer on in my Roguery with her. For a little -distance off our House, I stept into a lower room -in an Alehouse, and seeing no body, I imagined -the coast was clear. If I had seen any, I should -have askt some blind question or other; for I -was sufficiently well acquainted, not only in that -Parish, but through all <em>Bristol</em>; that was the -place of my Nativity: I say, seeing none, I -catcht up a Beaker, thinking it was Silver, (but -its new scouring deceived me) and clapt it into -my Breeches, and so marcht off, as I thought undiscovered, -endeavouring with what speed I could -to repair to my old Rendezvouz. But he that -observed me to steal the Beaker did now dog me -to the Bawdy-house, which I had no sooner entred, -but I was groaping in my Breeches for my -purchase, which when I had pull’d out, I tendred -to my Landlady, desiring her to be civil to me; -<em>ne’re question</em> (quoth the fellow behind my back, -that had watcht, and now catcht me) <em>you shal -have as much civility as a whip will bestow on your -back; besides what kindness lies in my power to do -you</em>. Hearing him say so, I would have run a -race with him, but I found him indisposed, being -out of breath before, and therefore held me fast, -desiring one of those that were crowding about -the door to hear what was the matter, to go and -fetch a Constable, which one more officious Rascal -than the rest, presently did; and the Constable -taking me in custody, and about to carry me -before the Justice (cryed) <em>Hold, good Mr. Constable, -I pray, Sir, let me desire you to put your self to the -trouble to view the House farther; which by this -<span class='pageno' id='Page_96'>96</span>gave Matrons leave, I question not we shall find -well furnished with variety of Goods which by her -constant care, and the indefatigable pains of others -she hath gotten together</em>. This fellow, with the Constable, -and my own roguish Urchinship had no -sooner entred the Kitchin, but he espyed a Plate -with the Letters of his name on’t, which I had -stoln about a fortnight before from him: which -taking up in his hands, sharply demanded of the -good old Gentlewoman, how long it had been a -sojourner in her house, and by what means it -came to stray so far from home? This antiquated -piece of more than common impudence, did not -stick to tell him that she bought two dozen of -them of such a one, that lately broke up House -keeping. <em>Where are they</em>, quoth he? <em>before you -on the shelf</em>, quoth she, with as much ignorance, -as confidence. Upon this, he made his eyes the -diligent and speedy Surveyors of that shelf on -which the Plate stood, and of two dozen he found -not two marked with one and the same Letters. -<em>Why thou illiterate fool</em> (said he) <em>I took thee till now -to be an old crafty Devil-ridden Hag; the very -Marks</em> (which are all several) <em>do sufficiently evidence -that each had his Master, before thou wert Mistress -of the four and twenty</em>. Hereupon he made a strict -Survey over the Utensils of the Kitchen, and -found most of them of the like nature. Some -trivials whereof he knew to be his own, as Spoons, -Porringers, Sawcers, and other small things of -light carriage, and easie conveyance, all which he -seized and committed them to the custody of the -Constable. Then turning to me; <em>Come my little-pretty-rascally -thief</em> (quoth he) <em>as you have shewn -your self ingenuous, so ingeniously confess what -things you have stollen from time to time, either from -<span class='pageno' id='Page_97'>97</span>me or my Neighbourhood, and in so doing I will stand -your friend, and endeavour to mitigate the severity -of your ensuing punishment</em>.</p> - -<p class='c012'>I hearkened diligently to his flattering words, -(for so I found them) but knew not what to resolve -on, thinking on the old Proverb, <em>Confess and -be hang’d</em> made me as silent, as a <em>Turkish</em> Mute, -or one born dumb. Which he perceiving and -finding me timerous; <em>come, confess like a good Boy, -saith he, otherwise it shall be the worse for you</em>. -Hearing him say so, I trembling looking stedfastly -on him, to my great sorrow could read in -his angry countenance the manner and severity -of my punishment. Certainly had he at the time -been arraigned upon suspition of Murder, the -Judge needed no other evidence than that of his -monstrously cruel looks. Never did Keeper of -<em>New-gate</em> look half so frightingly on a re-taken -Fellon, having broken Prison, than he on me, and -therefore without dallying with him further, I -fell on my knees, and with as many salt tears, as -sweet words begging his pardon, I informed him -of every particular I could remember that I had -stollen from him; assuring him further, that it -was not my own natural disposition, but the instigation -of that old Beldame (pointing to the -Bawd) that induced me thereunto; encouraging -me daily in this pilfering way, by receiving what -I brought her, and making me drunk for it; and -if I had not brought her a purchase once in two -dayes, I had her menaces and threats; besides -her upbraiding me with sloath and idleness, and -calling me her good boy for nought. Mrs. Bawd -had not the patience to hold her tongue longer, -but too hastily endeavouring to excuse her self, -by accusing me, her lying pretences had like to -<span class='pageno' id='Page_98'>98</span>have choaked her by disgorging them too fast, so -that she was forced to pawse a while till she had -recovered a little breath, and wiped away the -froth she had so plentifully foamed at the mouth; -presently after she opened in this manner; <em>Why -you young Rogue? how dare you thus abuse an -honest Woman (though I say it) of my Calling? I -am old enough to be your Grandmother, and therefore -you might have reverenced my Age. Besides I -have paid Scot and Lot these two and thirty years -where I live, and as well, or better acquainted with -the Justice, than most of the Parish are with his -Clerk; Sirrah, it is well known what I am; a Mother -of many Children in an honest calling, and never -left them to be kept by the Parish, as your Mother -did you, Whores-egg. I have had Knights and gallant -Gentlemen in my House early and late, and none -of them ever yet could say black was mine eye. I have -had as fine handsom Gentlewomen (and young too) as -any in this City, that would not have dined with their -friend without me, I thank them; and as they were -my Lodgers, they had so great a respect for me, that -they would not stir abroad, or hardly do any thing -without my approbation, and such was their esteem -of me, that I am venerably called their Mother by -them, and others to this day.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'><em>Well Mother</em>, (then said my Securer) <em>let us go to -this Justice you are so well acquainted with; I doubt -me, that knowledge you have of him will do you no -great good; it would have been more your advantage -if you had less known him</em>. And so -without further delay he charging the Constable -with us, and the Constable charging -others to aid and assist him, my Grandame and -I were both conveyed before the Justice, where -upon examination I confessed all, not mincing -<span class='pageno' id='Page_99'>99</span>the truth in the least, laying all the fault on the Bawd, -who endeavoured to excuse her self, but to no purpose -for the Justice told her he knew her too well, and -was glad of this opportunity to put a period to her -Bawdy reign; as I had confest my self guilty of those -petty thefts, so I had my <span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>mittimus</em></span> immediately -drawn, and so had she hers too, and the more deservedly, -by how much the Receiver is worse than -the Thief. We wanted not attendance (you may -imagine) to the Gaol: the whole Street, and the next -to that being raised in an instant to see a spectacle -so preposterously disagreeable. In the first place a -thing so antiquated and old, that there was not one -on Earth living that knew her age, neither could she -tell herself, having outlived the knowledge thereof, -and yet instead of minding her winding sheet, she -would have stoln her own Coffin rather than lawfully -buy it, had she any way of a cleanly conveyance; -nay would have cheated the Sexton of a -Burying-place, if her nails, which were long enough, -had they been as strong, could dig her own Grave. -In the next place, a sight to be lamented, one so -young, that he had no sooner skipt out of his Hanging -sleeves, but was gotten into the Highway, or -ready road to be hang’d.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>The Crowd and throng of People was so great -about us, that the Constable made what speed he -could to Shop us, so that we were forced to march -a-pace, a thing that would vex a Horse to be on a -Hand-Gallop to his own throat cutting. The -Boys and Girls swarm’d about me, some calling -me singly, Thief; others, theeving Bastard; which -unpleasant sounds did so often beat against the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_100'>100</span>Drum of my ear, that angers Heroick passion -was quickly alarm’d, and did soon put it self into -a posture of revenge. Though I knew my self -basely born, yet I found my blood had the same -heat and height of that of Princes; and though I -was too sensible of the Guilt of their aspersions, yet -my lofty Spirit would not brook to be upbraided -therewith; wherefore, if any with his reproaches -came so near, as that I could reach him with my Fist, -I would not there fail to ring him a Peal. I had -dasht so many in the Face, Eyes, and Mouth, or -wherever I could best strike, that I engaged a young -Army of Enemies against me, who in Front and -Rear, nay, on each wing too, did so desperately assault -me, that had I had the hands of a score of <em>Briariuses</em> -they would have been to few, if no stronger -than mine. The Constable at last was forc’d to be -my Champion, who so bravely defended me, as not -to deprive me of my offending my numerous Foes.</p> - -<p class='c012'>You must not imagine that our good Matron went -along more quietly than my self, who, (while I was -so disadvantagiously fighting my way through) was -pelted on all sides with rotten Apples, Addle Egs, -Dirt, or whatever was filthy or loathsom; so that by -that time we got to the Gaol, she was now fitter for -a Pest-house than a Prison, having all those stinking -ingredients about her, that are the common procurers -of an universal Contagion. She no sooner entred -the Gate, but the Prisoners cryed out, sough, -what have you brought hither? Do you think Want -and Vermin will not kill us fast enough, but you -must thus poyson us? Such Criminals as were so -skilful as to know their own Fortunes, were in hopes -that the stench of this woman would save the Judge -<span class='pageno' id='Page_101'>101</span>the trouble of Condemning; and the Sheriff the labour -of hanging them. Others who knew they -should not die that Sessions of a suffocating Quinsy, -laid presently violent hands on her, and dragging -her into the Yard, there Pumpt her sweet and clean. -The next work was to Hand-cuff us, and clap bolts -between our Legs. My Godfathers (the Churchwardens -of the Parish) hearing of their graceless -God-childs confinement, came to visit me, who were -worse than ever <em>Jobs</em> comforters were, for they only -upbraided them of those secret sins which had thus -publickly disgraced him; but these told me, shame -was too mild a punishment, and hanging was too -good for me. In short, that should be my end, and -wisht I had saved the Parish from charges, by -being hanged some years before. My Grandam -hearing what a sad sentence my Ghostly-Fathers -pronounced against me, and that I must inevitably -go to Pot concluded she should be Roast-meat -to bear me Company at old <em>Nicks</em> table; for the -People by her Diabolical looks were more than -half persuaded she could not but be a Witch at -least.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Sessions approaching I often meditated on the -word, <em>Hanging</em>; but the word struck so heavy on -my Imagination, that it rather benummed than -anyways quickned the sence of punishment: Death -I lookt on then with the ignorant and misjudging -eyes of a childish understanding, fancying -that it was but the meer privation of Life, and -there is an end, and not the separation of Soul -and Body for a while, till they be by the Infinity -rejoyn’d, never to be separated again, either in -endless Joys, or Eternal Woes. But as often as I -thought I should be soundly whipt, or but have as -many single stripes, for every several Roguery I -<span class='pageno' id='Page_102'>102</span>committed, so often would the tears trickle from -my eye, whilst my heart was ready to burst, not -having the benefit to discharge its grief.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Whilst I was ruminating with my self, what -would become of me, my good Nurse came to -me, at whose sight I was ready to dissolve into -Tears, neither was she much behind hand with -me, so that it was very difficult to judge who -wept fastest. But at length recovering her self, she -charged me home with all my miscarriages, and -thinking she had made me fully sensible of them -(which she thought she had done by my pitiful -looks) she then instructed me, how I should behave -my self for the future, if I escaped this bout, -and finally <a id='corr102.15'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='connselling'>counselling</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_102.15'><ins class='correction' title='connselling'>counselling</ins></a></span> me that I should freely -confess my faults to the Judge, and then most -penitently (with all submissiveness) beg his Honour -not only to pardon, but pity the tenderness -of my Age. I con’d my Lesson so well, that three -days after, when I was carried to the Sessions -House amongst the rest of the Prisoners, and -being called to the Bar, I was bid hold up -my Hand, and answer to guilty or not guilty, to -what I stood Indicted? I answered guilty (<span lang="it" xml:lang="it"><em>submissa -voce</em></span>) with so low a voice and so much -seeming shamefacedness, that the judge I perceived -took special notice of my seeming modest -behaviour. He thereupon askt me how old I -was: My Lord (said I) my Nurse informs me I -am twelve years old. A prime youngster indeed, -replyed my Lord; but why said you your Nurse -inform’d you, and not your Mother? May it -please your Honour, (said I) I was never so happy, -either to know what she was, or where she -is. At this reply of mine, I observed his Lordship -more amazed, than he was before surprized, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_103'>103</span>to see so young a Felon appear before him; his -wonder was so great, that he only caused me to -be set aside, and so proceeded to the Trial of others. -I was so kind to my Granney, that I impeacht her -not, and indeed her <span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>mittimus</em></span> ran (by the connivance -of her old friend the Justice, who had been a -good Milch Cow to him, but could now keep her -off no longer) for only keeping a House of Debauchery, -and rank Bawdry. At the last day of -the Sessions I was sentenced to be transported, and -the venerable Gentlewoman (out of pure love to -see me aboard) had the favour to ride (by reason of -her great age) in a certain thing, vulgarly called a -Tumbril, being Carted through the Town, attended -according to custom, with the usual Ceremonies -that are duly performed on such solemn occasions.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c004'>CHAP. VIII.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><em>Prisons marr and not mend, giving growth to the -seeds of Roguery. He is releast out of Gaol, -and sent aboard a</em> Virginia <em>man, in order to his -transportation; he makes his escape on shore in the -Cock-boat from</em> King road, <em>and travails on foot -to</em> Barnstaple; <em>he is entertained by an Hostler, -what a notorious trick he serves his Master; and -how again his Master was notably revenged of -him.</em></p> - -<p class='drop-capa0_4_0_7 c011'>In that short time of my confinement I had made -a considerable addition to my stock of Boldness -and Roguery, and was competently furnished -with subtility and craft to manage my Roguish -design: Nothing troubled me more, than that I -had not my liberty to put in practice what I -<span class='pageno' id='Page_104'>104</span>thought I very well understood. Thus you see a -Prison most commonly mars, but seldom mends any. -Whilst I was wishing for, and studying how I -might procure my enlargement, a Merchant came -into the Prison, and enquired for the Lad which -was sentenced to be Transported; I (being overjoyed -with the hopes of getting loose) prevented -his further enquiry by telling him, I was the person. -Hereupon he fixed his eyes upon me, which seem’d -well pleased at the spackness of my youth, and pleasantly -askt me; whether if I were not forc’d, I had -any desire to travail: I told him I fancied it above -any thing, and were I left to my liberty, would -make it my choice above all things. <em>Since that you -are so willing</em> (said he) <em>you shall go for</em> Virginia; -<em>and that I may be sure of you, stay here till I am -ready to go, in the mean time I shall provide you necessaries, -and when the time comes, pay your Fees.</em> I -presently framed a sad countenance, and begged -of him for the sake of all that was Sacred, to take -me with him, and I would serve him in any condition -he pleased; and that if he did mistrust me, -if he pleased, I would go instantly aboard. Being -half perswaded I would perform what I promised, -and taking compassion of my pitiful moan, called -the Keeper to him, and paying my Fees, instantly -sees me out before him; he would not absolutely -trust me yet, and therefore bad me go straight forward -till he countermanded me, which was but once -in all the way, he drove me to his own house. -This Gentleman was one of the most considerable -Merchants in <em>Bristol</em>, who trading much to <em>Virginia</em>, -questioned not but to make a considerable Return -of me, being a lusty young comly Lad. By -reason our ship lay by the Key side, a lusty Vessel -<span class='pageno' id='Page_105'>105</span>of three hundred Tuns, carrying twenty four Guns, -he would not trust me on Board, fearing lest the -nearness of the Vessels lying ashore, I should -have the better opportunity of making my escape: -Wherefore he kept me at home with eyes -enough over me; and that I might not be altogether -idle, he displaced two or three old Servants -of his out of their wearisom imployments, <em>Dog-turn-spits</em> -I mean (a usual custom through the -whole City) that I might take their turn. Now -that my Master might not think I needed to be -forced upon business, mornings, and afternoons, -(wherein I had some cooling hours) I voluntarily -imployed in learning to write, the sight whereof -gave my Master a wonderful Satisfaction; insomuch, -that he bought me a new Canvas Suit, -with Shoes, Stockins, Hat, and two new Shirts, -but yet would not suffer me to stir aboard.</p> - -<p class='c012'>But now our Ship being rigg’d, victualed, and -all things ready for a Voyage, fell down into -<em>King-road</em>, and he in a Boat the next day sent -me aboard of her. There being now no hopes left -for escaping, I endeavoured to please my self by -promising my thoughts things impossible, or very -improbable when I Landed in <em>Virginia</em>. But that -night there arose a great storm the Wind blowing -hard at South-East, which made a very turbulent -Sea, which so frighted me, that I fully resolved if -I escaped this, I would never be drowned in another -like it. We rode with but one Anchor, -which coming home we were forc’d to drop our -shete Anchor which held us, and so rid it out.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The next Morning several of our men went -ashore to the <em>Crock</em> and <em>Pill</em>, there to refresh -themselves. I would have gone with them, but -<span class='pageno' id='Page_106'>106</span>could not be admitted; wherefore I resolv’d ere it -was long to go ashore by my self. In the day time -it was impossible to attempt any such enterprize; -wherefore I judged the night must assist me, or nothing -would; the Wind being not fair, nor likely -to be, one day most of our men took Boat, and -went up to <em>Bristol</em>, where taking their leaves of -their friends, came down to us as merry as Hawks, -those that had been aboard all day, upon the return -of the Ships Crew, went ashore to the <em>Pill</em>, where -in less time, they got as considerable a Dose as the -most head strong of any of the rest had done. Night -coming on, sleep needed no other Harbinger to put -them to rest, than their own ebriety, which soon had -lull’d four parts in five into a sensless security, -snoaring so loud, that I wonder they did not wake -with their own noise. Now was the time I imagined, -that Providence had alotted for my escape, and so -seeing the Decks in a manner clear, I got into the -Steerage, designing to look for the Cock-Boat, -which used to be a Stearn of us, but looking out -of the Port-hole I saw two lusty fellows (that -were Passengers) in the Boat, and were just putting -off from the Ship side. I spake softly to -them, and threatned to discover them by crying -out, if they would not take me in: they seeing a -necessity for so doing, consented to my proposition, -and in I got; they plyed the Oars so well, that we -quickly got ashore, landing at <em>Portshead</em>, for the -Bell would have been a means to discover us; -and there turning our Boat a Drift, away we travelled -by Land most part of that night; in the -Morning by inquiry, we found our selves not farr -from <em>Mineard</em>: we left the Town on our right -hand, not daring to venture through it, and keep -<span class='pageno' id='Page_107'>107</span>streight on till we came within six miles of <em>Barnstable</em>, -there we lay in a Barn that night; my -two other Comrades had a mind to go to <em>Plimouth</em>, -but I refused to go with them, having -been all suspected the day before, begging on -the Road; I thought my self more secure to be -alone, imagining few would suspect a Lad so -young, and therefore resolved for <em>Barnstable</em>. -Whither being come, I addressed my self to an -Inn, where begging a while, the Hostler chanc’d -to take notice of me, and seeing me to be a -notable well trussed Lad, askt me, whether I -would assist him in rubbing down Horse-heels? -Yes (said I) with all my heart; he never questioned -my fidelity, nor what friends I had, for -he thought it would be to little purpose for so -small a youngster to ride away with a Horse, -riding to water, <em>&c.</em> The frequent falls I had, -(being a bad Horseman) had like to have put -me by my new occupation; for I was half of the -opinion it was equally as dangerous to ride a -Horse-back as to ride at Anchor: and to lift me -clear out of the Saddle, my Worshipful Master -did take much notice of my frequent miscarriages, -and fearing lest by my unskilful riding, or some -other accident I should have my neck broken -one time or other and so be forced to keep me, -he was resolved to turn me off; that which confirmed -him in his resolution, was a scurvy trick I -served him, which was intended for the Tapster, -which is as followeth.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The Tapster of our Inn, when he found me -any time at leisure, would commonly imploy me -in attending his Guests, drawing Drink, and so -forth; I seldom went into the Cellar, but I would -<span class='pageno' id='Page_108'>108</span>be sure to drench my throat; for I thought I -had wronged my Mouth, if I had missed one -time, by which means he could not but catch me -sometimes; at first he took little notice, but -finding me to make it a common practice, every -time he so caught me, he made my ears pay for -the injuries my mouth did him; but one time -above the rest, he did beat me in the Cellar so -unmercifully with a Hoop-stick, that after it I -thought I needed at least twenty of them to keep -my ribs together: the continual pain this beating -put me to, did also rack my inventions in studying -how I might be revenged of him: I could -find no other way but this; observing the Tapster -to be very laxative, I went and consulted the -House of Office, and found the middle Board to -be suitable and serviceable to my purpose; for -by loosing of but two or three Nails I could -make it turn <em>topsy turvy</em>, like a Trencher with a -Tub of water to catch Mice withal; but <a id='corr108.20'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='first'>I I</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_108.20'><ins class='correction' title='first'>I I</ins></a></span> -plumm’d the depth of the Vault, and found it -in Golden Oar not above a yard in depth; finding -that I should not hazzard his life by this enterprize, -and having a brave opportunity to drink -that night, (there being great store of Guests in -our House) I swallowed so much for joy that my -project would take, that my eyes were <em>miskie</em>: -however all being abed, and I the last up, resolved -to be the first in the morning to prevent -others from dropping into the Pit-fall; knowing -well from former experience that our loose Tapster -would be the early, and first handseller of -this design.</p> - -<p class='c012'>At length growing exceedingly drowsie, I fell -asleep under the Manger, a wonder to me since, -that the Horses by treading on me, had not -<span class='pageno' id='Page_109'>109</span>spoiled my face, or some other part: about four -of the Clock in the Morning I was awakened out -of my sleep, by an exceeding Griping of my -Guts, and found a great pronness to go to Stool; -the fumes that ascended from the excess of Drinking -Ale the night past, had not only intoxicated -my Brain, but for that time so depraved my -memory, that I remembred not any thing of the -Trap I had laid for the Tapster; wherefore to -obey Natures commands, I ran hastily into the -House of Office, with my Breeches in my hands, -and treading on the Board, it slipt up, and in I -dropt.</p> - -<p class='c012'>I thought once to have cried out for help, but -hang it thought I, it is better punish my nose a -while, than lose my revenge: wherefore placing -the Board (which I could easily reach) even again, -I crept up into the corner of the Vault. I waited -a great while, but none came, till my patience -was almost worn out; but at last I heard the -tread of some ones footing, I supposing it to be -the Tapsters, was even over-joyed; But it was -my Master, stepping boldly into the House of -Office, and treading on the same Board, slipt into -it as I had done before; whereupon catching him -about the neck (for I was almost up to the Chin) -which had like to have frightned him more than -his fall; welcome said I, the welcomest man living; -you might have come sooner, I have waited -here an hour at least; he thinking the Devil had -been in the Vault (for he could not conjecture -any mortal could endure to be there so long) -cri’d out as loud as his Wind-pipe (which was -Organ-Tenor size) would permit; which doubling, -he at length drew help unto him, they sent him -the end of a Broomstick (preserving their hands -<span class='pageno' id='Page_110'>110</span>for a sweeter imployment) by the help of which -he got out; but no sooner was he on his Feet, -but without so much as thanking them, cries out, -the Devil is in the Vault, and so ran distractedly -into the House; The People hearing him say so, -ran after him, leaving me to shift for my self. -There might I have staid long enough, had not -my own hands helpt me out. Being in the House -he smelt stronger than twenty of <em>Tom</em>-Ponds -put all together, and so great was his fright, that -that added somewhat to the strong scent, if any -addition could be made. He was perswaded first -to wash, and change his habit, before they asked -any questions concerning this strangely surprizing -adventure, for it was impossible to entertain any -discourse with him. In the mean time I having -got out, ran immediately into the Horse-pond, -and there rowled and wash’t my self all over, and -coming out, finding that would not absolutely do, -I uncloathed my self, taking my Doublet first, -and washing that throughly, and so my Breeches, -with my Shirt, and every thing else about me, I -washed severally and distinctly from those fetid impurities, -they had contracted in the House of Office.</p> - -<p class='c012'>By this time my Master the Hostler had shifted -himself, and abundance of the Neighbours were -gathered about him, to be informed how this disaster -befell him. <em>Why surely Sirs</em> (said he) <em>it -must be the Devil, and no body else, that owed -me a shame, and now paid me home</em>; at that -very instant I came into the room where my -Master was, who seeing me in that manner dropping, -and looking as bad, as one that had been -drawn through a Common-shore; <em>How now</em> -(said he) <em>whence comest thou? What hast -thou been doing?</em> Master, said I, (if I -<span class='pageno' id='Page_111'>111</span>mistake not) you were talking just now of the -Devil owing you a shame, pray tell me what it -was, and how he paid it you home, and I shall acquaint -you with his late too much familiarity with -me. Hereupon my Master repeated what he had -related before briefly to me, telling me, that going -to the House of Office this morning early, he had -no sooner stept within the doors, but the Devil, -(for he was sure on’t he said) unjoynted a Board, -and pull’d him into the Vault, and then jear’d -him by welcomeing, him into that stinking place. -O Master (said I) as you were served, so was me -your Boy (though somewhat differing in manner) -and I think by the same splightful Devil: For -coming out of the Stable by four in the morning, -I was catcht up, and thrown upon our great Dung-mixen, -there was I rowled to and fro for half an -hour, and at last rowled into our Horse-pond; -out of which with much difficulty I scrabbled out -with my life; you see what a pickle I was in. -This I feigned, that he might not think me guilty -of that Plott I had laid for another, but was every -whit as glad, it did light on him, for his beating -me so often unmercifully.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Large was the talk of this strange accident, most -not knowing what to think on’t. He for his part a -while did foolishly believe that some infernal -Spirit owing him some ill will, had thus abused -him, till by some apparent Symptomes he had -discovered, he concluded me the Author. To the -intent he might the more fully revenge himself -on me, he took no notice on what had passed, -neither did he express any dissatisfaction towards -me. One Night about 11 and 12 a Clock, when -the whole Family were most of them in Bed, he -merrily askt me whether I had any Money; yes, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_112'>112</span>said I, here is two pence. Come on, said he, I will -wager with thee a Pot, I will jump further at twice, -than thou shalt do at five times; done, said I; -Where shall the place be: Why here said he in -this very Entry where we are. He began first, -and made three large jumps which reacht as far -as the Threshold of the outer dore. Having so -done, I followed him, and at the fourth, I toucht -the Threshold with my Toes: and then straitning -my self to shew my nimbleness and activity, I -leaped a great way into the Street; he perceiving -that, shut the door against me, locking it, he spake -through the Key-hole, saying, <em>Good night, look -your lodging elsewhere, your Lordship is to nimble -for me</em>. My entreaties were many and urgent to -let me in, but I found him so inexorable, that had -I supplicated his Horses, I might have found as -much favour, as from this Esquire of the manger.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c004'>CHAP. IX.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><em>He relates what extremities he was put to, for want -of Food and Lodging. His Lodging in a Mill, -lying in the Hopper, discovers a very pleasant passage -between the Miller and his Wench; and by a -strange accident got a very good Supper that night; -with many other remarkable adventures.</em></p> - -<p class='drop-capa0_4_0_7 c011'>I was not so much troubled that by being shut -out of dores I was destitute of a lodging as to -think how basely I was turn’d off by this Yeoman -of the Hempen Collar. Neither did I trouble my -self at the thoughts of lying underneath a Stall, -(for I had too lately been intimately acquainted -with lying on the boards) but my mind was somewhat -perplext when I thought of meeting the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_113'>113</span>Constable and his Watch, I fear’d no lodging so -much as one of their providing. To avoid which, -I crept under a Stall, and slept there that night. -The Sun had lookt into our Hemisphere with half -an Eye, when I awaked, and glad I was I had so -much light to see which way I pleased to steer my -Course. I directed my Feet toward the Key, -where I knew I should find diversity of Objects to -please my roving mind. I walkt there so long, still -my stomack grew enraged to that height that nothing -could pacify it but a good Breakfast, which -I knew not how to obtain, or give it the least satisfaction, -but by begging. Whilst I was thus -plotting how to support Life, a Man in good habit -steps ashore from one of the Ships which lay by -the Key, and walking a turn or two with me, askt -me who I belonged to, if to none, whether I wanted -a Service? To whom I replyed, I was an Orphan -and Masterless, and that I should be glad to hear -of a good Service, and be thankful to him that -should help me to one. That I will said he, if -thou wilt Sail with me to the <em>Barbadoes</em>, thou -shalt fare as I do, and since thou art a well favoured -Lad, I will have a care of thee as of my -own Son (it may be so, if he loved him no worse -than my Father loved me) thou shalt do well ne’re -question. He askt me whether I would eat or drink, -I told him I was both hungry and thirsty; come aboard -with me (said he) and thou shalt be satisfied -in both. I thought it no prudence, but rather -very hazardous to go aboard then, and therefore -beg’d his excuse; he perceived my fearfulness, insisted -on that no farther, and so carried me to a -Cooks Shop where he called plentifully for Meat -and Drink; and that I might not want sawce to -<span class='pageno' id='Page_114'>114</span>my Meat, he recounted to me the pleasures of -going to Sea, what idle Lives they lived, doing -nothing but imploying their thoughts in what -past time they shall next divert themselves in; -Sometimes playing at <em>Hob</em>, (a usual Game amongst -Sea-men in a calm) afterwards at Cards, Dice, Tables, -Talking, Walking, Smoaking, Drinking or -Fishing, and then speaking of <em>Barbadoes</em> and other -Islands they usually touch upon, he told nothing -but wonders of them. Though I had not the Faith -to believe all he said, yet I could not but be much -pleased at the Relation. He spent some hours with -me to possess me with a belief of the verity of what -he said; and when he had exprest himself so -largely that he could not utter any more without -Repetition, he demanded whether I would resolve -to go with him; I promised faithfully I would, -but desired of him respit till the next day; thinking -I intended thereby to evade him, he would not -consent to it, alledging I was too young to catch -old Birds with chaff; this was but a trick of mine -to fill my Belly, and that this was not the first -time I had served others so; however I will pay -my share of the Reckoning, and so farewell and -be hang’d; there being sixteen pence to pay, he -threw down his eight pence. As he was marching -down the stairs I called after him, begging -him to stay, he returning, I vowed I would come -to him the next day, and be absolute at his devotion; -I backt this Vow with many Oaths and Protestations, -the breaking of which I valued as little -as Lovers do theirs in an amorous heat, if necessity -should force me to it. Well, said he, I will believe -thee for once, but if thou doest cheat me, I -shall find you some time or other, and then——</p> - -<p class='c012'>Glad I was to part with him, resolving if I could -<span class='pageno' id='Page_115'>115</span>make any other shift, I would not go with him, -Night drew on without any other success that day; -and now wandring to and fro in the dark not -knowing where to go, I arrived at the foot of <em>Welcomb</em> -Bridge; finding myself so near the Town end, -I resolved to get shelter under some Hay-mow, or -creep into some Pig-stie. As I walkt along I saw -a glimmering light, and approaching it, found it in -a Mill; I lookt in, but saw no body, whereupon I -boldly entred (it being late) and sate down a while -by the Hopper, to the intent if any should have -taken notice of my entring the Mill, I might there -in view have been excused my self. Now coming, -and finding myself alone, I got up into the Hopper -(being a very large one) and there lay close. I -had not been long there, before I heard the Miller -come into the Mill, and discoursed with an other, -which I judged Female by her voice: not long -after came his Boy with some Liquor of what sort -I know not, about to depart, the Miller charged -him to bring the Capon as soon as it was ready.</p> - -<p class='c012'>By their discourse I soon perceived the intent of -that their nocturnal meeting; for though the Mill -stood still, the Miller was resolved to grind that -night. Various was their pretty little amorous -tittle tattle; but growing weary of talking, there -was a cessation, and then I could hear a bustling -and puffing, as if the Miller had over-charg’d his -arms by lifting too many sacks of corn at once. -After this, no noise at all; then began a fresh Dialogue, -but somewhat better qualified than the first; -Their discourse was full of kissing Parentheses, -sometimes one with another: their controversie at -length grew hot, and the arguments of these two -Disputants were so powerful on each side, that they -<span class='pageno' id='Page_116'>116</span>had not a word to say. In the mean time in came -the Boy with the Capon, setting it down, but where -is the Bottle (Sirrah) said the Miller? The Winer -said the Boy wont let it go without leaving Money -for it beside the Sack; whereupon giving him -Money charg’d him to make haste, which he did -accordingly. The Miller and the Wench fell to -it lustily. I could hear by the swift motion of -their chops, not letting three bitts pass their -greedy throats without six Gulps of Wine to -wash them down. I wisht them both in the Mill -Dam, so that I could have had some of their good -cheer. At last the Miller being indifferently satisfyed, -and impatient to taste of other Flesh, than that -of a Fowl, said, <em>Come my dear we will set aside what -remains till anon, which will taste better then, than -now</em>; I did wish they would have set it up in the -Hopper; After this they fell to their former dalliances; -and all was hush again. I reaching up -my head by degrees, resolving to see; and leaning -too far over the Hopper to make the full discovery, -I and the Hopper came tumbling over and -over down upon the Miller, and with my Foot had -so dabb’d him into the Pole, that half stund, up he -got with his Wench, and both ran as if the Devil had -been in the pursuit of them; not knowing (when -they had recovered the fright) how soon they -would return, I resolved not to be idle, but snatching -up the remains of the Capon and the Bottle I -ran too, but it was a contrary way, being at a -good distance, and having recovered the Fields I -got under a Hedge, where I made a shift to fill my Belly, -though I could not see what I did eat; my Wine -served to keep me warm in my new cold lodging; -but I found it had not cured my bruised Bones, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_117'>117</span>which troubled me so much, I cursed my curiosity, -as well as the Miller, who was the cause of all this -mischief, wishing I had his Stones to peck for him.</p> - -<p class='c012'>My happiness rose with the Sun, whose glorious -beams having put to flight the gloomy shades -of the night, had also in part routed those cares -and fears which had surrounded me on every side. -And now I began to remember my promise to -go for <em>Barbadoes</em>; which (after I had seriously -considered with my self) concluded it to be the best -expedient I could propound to my self for a future -livelihood. But thought I, it would not be amiss to -carry some Venture along with me; but since I -had neither Parents, Friends, Credit, nor Money, -there was no way to procure any such thing, but -by my wits, which I was resolved to stretch, or -stretch for it: I walkt the streets almost one -whole day, but could not contrive a way to insinuate -my self into any shop, without much suspition, -being so small an Urchin; But rather than spend -a day thus fruitlesly, I purposed to hazzard all; -and therefore coming by a Shooemakers Shop, I -boldly stept in, and as confidently askt the Master -thereof, whether he knew my Master; who is thy -Master quoth the Shooemaker? Capt. ——— said -I; he replyed, he knew him not. You may then -said I, for he pointed to this Shop even now, bidding -me stay till he came, he intends to buy a parcel -of shooes of you, being bound to Sea in a long -Voyage. The Man hearing me tell this formal and -plausible tale, desired me to sit down, telling me -I was heartily welcom; I told him I had been sitting -all day, and therefore desired him to give me -the liberty of walking in his Shop, with all my -heart said he; and with all my soul too, thought I; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_118'>118</span>for by this means I had the opertunity of Surveying -the Shop, and seeing what things my hands -might lay hold on with least difficulty and hazard. -He not suspecting me in the least, followed what -he was before about at his Cutting-board, and his -back being towards me, I secured a pair of Childrens -Shooes, which lay among many more carelesly -on a Seat, which I securing, I stept to the -Man at his Cutting-Board; sometimes looking on -his work, and then stared him caution by my eyes -to have a care, lest I should steal the noble Trade -of the <em>Gentle craft</em> from him; then standing at -the door as if I lookt every moment for my Masters -coming, and then retreating inwards, would wonder, -or rather mutter to my self, that if he should -stay so long. Walking a turn or two backwards -and forwards, I espyed a pair, that I verily believed -would fit me, my heart leapt within me at -the discovery, and my fingers never left itching till -I pincht them by the Ears, who made no outcry, -when I conveyed them into my Breeches; fearing -to stay longer; (knowing to well the danger -if I were taken) I came to the Master of the Shop -with my Hat in my Hand, telling him I would -go look my Master, assuring him I should find -him either at the <em>Rose</em>, or <em>Kings-head</em> Tavern, -and as soon as I found him would return again -instantly. Do so, my pretty Lad, quoth he, do -so; which I did with such an over eager haste, -that had he observed me, I might have been betrayed -thereby. Overjoyed with this success I fully -purposed to be couragious for the future, and -banish every base thought, that might lessen or -abate a dangerous or desperate resolution. To -increase my purchase I walkt into another Street -<span class='pageno' id='Page_119'>119</span>remote from that I committed my first Theft, -where I busily imployed my eyes in the search of -any advantage, though ne’re so inconsiderable; -they quickly found out what my thoughts aimed -at, and therefore drew near my intended prey, a -Hosiers Shop, the Master whereof was busily imployed -in making up of Stockings of all sorts into -Papers, marking thereon the Prizes. A Logger-headed -Fellow, taller by the Head than my self, -had little to do, it seems then to gape and stare -on the Gentleman that was at work; he lolling -over the Stall, I came and leaned by him, where -we both gazed so long, till we had seen him make -up several Parcels.</p> - -<p class='c012'>I had a great mind to have some Stockins to my -Shooes, if I knew how to get them. There was no -thoughts of going in after the obsolete way of nimming -them, under the pretence of cheapning, for my -Habit and Age would have been incongruous, to -that design; I had various Projects in my head, and -I verily believ’d one would take, (since there was -but one man in the Shop) if I knew but which of -them would prove most infallibly effectual; for I -approved them all as very good. Seeing his work -almost at an end, I thought it high time mine should -begin; wherefore this Lobcock (who lookt like one -who never was nor ever would be good for any -thing) I say, I propounded him as the fittest instrument -I could use for my designed good. To commence -this Knavish stratagem, I pincht him gently -by the Ear, which he feeling, grumbling like -one suddainly awakt out of his sleep, asked me -what’s the matter? Nothing said I, he lolling -again after his afore accustomed humour, I twek’t -him again, at which he grew angry, and threatned -<span class='pageno' id='Page_120'>120</span>to box me: I regarding his threats no more than -the humming of a Gnat, stuck a Pin to the Head in -his Breech; at which he caper’d like a dancing -Horse; and ney’d so loud, that I could hardly forbear -laughing, but he soon made me more serious, -by lending me such a cuff on the Ear, I thought he -had struck my head off my Shoulders; I endeavoured -to defend my self as well as I could, warding -his blows, and now and then returning one, creeping -as near the Shop door as I could; the Master -of the Shop perceiving my Antagonist was like -to be too hard for me, left off papering his Stockins, -to part two so unequally matcht; that was my pollicie, -that I might get him on my side; with much -ado, by the help of my Shop-friend, I dis-ingaged -my self from him, and seemingly much afraid, I ran -violently into the Shop, pretending to fly from -my furious adversary; and turning hastily about, -I saw the Hosier was much concerned in keeping -the Looby from running in upon me; all this -while his back was towards me, which favoured -my exploit so rarely well, I whipt up a Paper of -six pair of Stockins, and sent them into my Breeches -undiscovered, to keep company with the Shoes; -having finished this work, I had so cunningly -plotted I called to the Hosier, Master, Master, -said I, let the cowardly Lubber come, and let me -see what he dare do, I commend the little Boy -said the Hosier, and so loosing him, he ran furiously -upon me, I being less by much than he, -dodg’d him, and so got clear out of the dore, the -Hosier holding him in the Shop, till I had cleerly -escap’d him; The Hosier, (as I understood afterwards) -presently missing his Stockings, overtakes -this Boy, that made not half the haste that I did, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_121'>121</span>to be far enough from the Shop, and dragging -him back, charg’d him with stealing a Paper of -Stockins who stifly denied it, as well he might. The -other told him that though he lookt like a simple -ignorant Dolt-head, yet he had found him the cunningest -Knave that ever he met with: These are new -tricks indeed, spick and span new, piping hot. I have -heard, <em>when Knaves fall out honest men come by their -own</em>; but I never heard when two such Young -Rogues fall out, honest men should loose their -Goods. Sirrah, not only produce the Stockins you -now have stoln but those I have lately mist, and -that presently: you are like to pay for all. A Young -Lad (one of my Confederates afterwards) stood by -all the while, and told me, that his Gestures at that -time out-did all the changlings that ever had been -before him; all that the Hosier could get out of him -was, that the boy he would have beaten had them; -This would not serve the turn, but caused the Constable -to carry him before the Mayor, who hearing -the whole story, wondred at the subtility of the -Plot, especially proceeding from such Green Heads -(concluding us Partners) and that his Worship -might hinder him from the like, or worse attempts, -committed him to <em>Bridewell</em>, there to remain one -whole Month, and thrice a week to be severely -lasht. I was glad to hear of his confinement being -freed from the fear of meeting him in the -Street, neither durst I much ramble abroad for -fear of meeting the Hosier; wherefore I was resolved -to make what hast I could to get me and -my <em>Cargo</em> aboard; to the increasing whereof I found -the acquaintance I got among young Apprentices, -with my skill in <em>Span-farthing</em> and <em>Chuck</em>, to be -very instrumental; For being busie at play whilst -<span class='pageno' id='Page_122'>122</span>their Masters were at Dinner or Break-fast, (which -were my chief Market times) I could with ease -slip into the Shop, and so whatever came to my -hands was lawful Prize. What I had gotten at -<em>Chuck</em>, <em>Span-Farthing</em>, and such like Juvenil -Games, I found sufficient to provide me sustenance -for the day, and had spare hours enough -to exercise my Art of Pilfring; what each days -Theft had produced, I warily carried to my -Magazine, a place that I had found out, secret -and secure enough for that purpose, <em>viz.</em> a ruinated -old Castle, not far distant from the Town, -rarely frequented by any. In the Wall whereof, -I found a large hole, where I intomb’d my -Goods, I like a Cunny with her Stock of young -Rabbets, never let it lie open, when I left it.</p> - -<p class='c012'>There was not a Day wherein I did not add to -my Store; so that thriving thus in my Theeving, -and success attending all my Rogueries, I grew -so impudently confident, that I thought almost that -I could have stoll’n a mans skin from him without -discovery. But Danger and Destruction are -seldom nearer, then when security lies at the Door. -I had been in many shops but never in a Booksellers, -wherefore I was resolved to make one Trial there; -and studying what Book to ask for, (being acquainted -with very few) I pitcht upon an <em>Accidence</em>; but -that I thought would not suit with my Canvas -habit, I then thought a <em>Spelling-Book</em> would be -much fitter; so advancing within the Shop Dores, I -demanded of the Apprentice whether he had any -such Book; he answered affirmatively. Pray let me -see it, said I; whilst the young man was reaching -down a bundle of stitcht Books, in which it was -tyed up; I had cleanlily conveyed a Book into -<span class='pageno' id='Page_123'>123</span>my Breeches, <a id='corr123.1'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='which'>(which</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_123.1'><ins class='correction' title='which'>(which</ins></a></span> proved to be a <em>Practice of -Piety</em>) the Apprentice not finding it in that bundle, -searcht in another, which gave my hands the -liberty of seizing on another Book, a piece of Divinity -as well digested and as Practical as the -former, called <cite>A Help to Devotion</cite>; his Master -which lay covert this while in a place called <em>Catch -Thief</em>, hastily called his Man to him, to tell him -what he had observed, and to let me alone till I -was going away, and then to detain me; giving -me in the mean time all the advantagious opportunities -I could wish for; and to dissemble the -matter the better, the Apprentice fumbled a pretty -while before he could find it; by that time I had -made other purchases, but one especially, the -Title whereof you shall know instantly.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Having found the Book, he delivered it into my -hands; I tumbling it over askt the Price: Two -Groats, said he; I that had no mind to buy it, -was resolv’d to bid little enough; will you take -Three Pence; The Rascal snatcht the Book out -of my Hands so furiously, I thought he had torn -it to pieces; and then griping me fast by the Arm, -(a Pox on him I did not like well his looks before) -<em>Sir</em>, said he, <em>Your Worship is very merrily disposed -to offer me as little again as my commodity cost -me. What Books else do you want? Or is your -Honour of all sorts well stored?</em> So clapping his -hands on the knees of my Breeches, discovered -what I had been doing. This disgracing Villain -makes no more ado, but bawls out aloud, Master, -Master, come quickly, I have caught the Bookworm -that hath devoured so many Books of late. -The Grave old <span lang="it" xml:lang="it"><em>Segnior</em></span> upon this out-cry quits -his covert, and in a Spanish pace advanced towards -me, accosting me with the worthy Title of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_124'>124</span><em>Honoured Sir, I am glad to see you, and am much -troubled you should heretofore visit my Shop, and I -abroad. I understand you are a great lover of -Books; insomuch</em> (they say) <em>you are a little walking -library: be not offended Sir, if I take the boldness -to look into the Title of one or two of them:</em> so -putting his hands into my Breeches, drew out a -<em>Practice of Piety: An excellent good Book. I protest</em> -(quoth he) <em>you are to be commended for making -election of such approvedly sound Divinity, to inform -you of the true principles of Christianity;</em> diving -again he brings out M. <em>Scudders Christians dayly -walk;</em> Upon the sight hereof he seem’d to be -ravisht, saying, <em>surely this is a young Angel; and if -he reads and practises such precious Books as these, -he will be Canoniz’d for a Saint before his decease.</em> -And then applying himself to me; said, <em>for certain -<a id='corr124.18'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='yonr'>your</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_124.18'><ins class='correction' title='yonr'>your</ins></a></span> walk and the</em> Christians dayly walk <em>differ -much, for his dayly walks are in the righteous paths -of honesty and Justice, but you walk dayly up and -down to see what Thefts, Cheats, and Rogueries you -can perform. But let us make a further enquiry,</em> -and then he drew out a <em>Help to Devotion. Do you -see</em> (said he) <em>how Devout he is? how piously studious? -not one scurrilous Pamphlet, or Play-book in all his -Study; What shall we call him;</em> Religious Votary. -<em>But indeed Sir,</em> (said he) <em>you are highly too -blame not to put your books (having so many) into -some method or order, and not let them lie thus confusedly -without shelves.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'>He searcht a pretty while again before he could -find any more, at last he found in a blind corner -a Book, and bringing it to light, what should it be, -but Mr. <em>Smiths Great Assize</em>; <em>Look you here</em> (said -<span class='pageno' id='Page_125'>125</span>he) <em>what I have found at last? before which at last -you must appear, and there answer for all the Villanies -you have committed, and then will these very -Books (thou hast stoll’n) come in as evidences against -thee; but hoping thou wilt escape there, they shall -convict thee here</em>, and so presently sent his Man for -a Constable, who coming, we straight way marcht -to the Mayors. As ill luck would have it, we -were to pass by both the Hosiers Shop, and the -Shooe-makers, who enquiring of the rabble what -was the matter, were informed that they were -carrying a young Thief to the Mayor, for stealing -Books; the Shooe-maker was the first I past -by, who seeing me, knew me presently, crying out, -<em>this is the young Rogue that stole my shooes</em>; and -not long after the Hosier was in the same tone; -<em>this is one of the Rascals that stole my Stockins</em>, so -joyning with the multitude, we soon arrived at -the Mayors house; entring which, the Mayor -being acquainted with the matter, came down -into a large Hall, where my Accusers each in his -order declared my guilt, not omitting any circumstance -that might aggravate my crimes. The -Mayor much wondred that I should be so notoriously -Roguish at those years, and askt, what I -had to say for my self. <em>May it please your Worship</em> -(quoth I, bowing so low that my nose e’ne -toucht the Ground) <em>I am fatherless, and Money-less, -Friendless, and Helpless, and being ready to starve, -I begged up and down the Town, but to very little -purpose; for I beg’d so long without relief, that I -knew not how to prolong my Life, without falling -into these indirect courses. Had not the People been -thus hard hearted, I had not been so sharp witted.</em> -What did you do with the Shooes and Stockins you -<span class='pageno' id='Page_126'>126</span>stole? <em>I sold them</em> (said I) <em>for Bread and Beer.</em> -Where, said he? <em>May it please your Worship, I am -a stranger in this place and if you hang me I know -not where the house stands now.</em> But what did you -intend to do with these Books? <em>And if it please -you, Sir, I intended with all diligence to enquire -whether any Ship was going for</em> Barbadoes, <em>or any</em> -English <em>Plantation abroad and I would go in her; -being able to read a little, (and knowing my self to -be a wicked Boy) I thought to carry them along with -me, to the intent I might both mend my reading; and -by my reading those good Books, endeavour to mend -my life.</em> All the standers by amazed to hear me -speak after this manner; but more especially the -Mayor, who protested, although he was near four-score, -he had not in his whole life time observed -the like President; and withal publickly confest he -knew not what to do in this business: at length -(after he had pawsed a while) said he; <em>young man, -you shall have your desire, you shall go to</em> Barbadoes; -<em>here is a ship in the Harbour now ready, only expecting -a wind; but that you may not forget your -Native Countrey, this Town in particular; but -more especially your matchless Rogueries, you shall -be sharply whipt according to your deserts, and from -the House of Correction immediately shipt away. -You Gentlemen, that have been sufferers by this -young Rogue, see that my sentence be punctually -performed; and if you please to give your -selves farther satisfaction, let each person offended, -give the Offender three lashes apiece, above the -general number appointed.</em> I was straightways -hurried from thence to the House of Correction; -not only Guarded, but regarded by half the -Town; my Accusers stuck to me to the very last, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_127'>127</span>neither was there wanting those (to the number -of a score) that verily believ’d I had abused them -too (having lost several things lately) which accompanied -me, hoping to give themselves some -satisfaction, by having each of them a fling at -my ——. The illest lookt Rogue that ever dropt -out of a Carts arse at Tyburn, was superlatively -handsom to this Baboon, bare-arst, Monkey-fac’d -Jerker, that was to correct my Rogueship. His -eyes were of two different colours, and of as different -motions; they would turn from each sometimes -to the utmost Angles of his face, as if they -loathing each other, would not admit of that -correspondency which good eyes bless themselves -withal: and then again furiously return, angerly -endeavouring to pry into each others Cells, how -they might extinguish the malignancie of that -sight, each other hated for the Neighbour-hood. -The Hair of his Head and Eye-brows hung over -his Fore head, and part of his Face, like that of -an <em>Iceland Shock</em>; Nature when she formed him -was very frollicksom, and summon’d all the faculties -of her art to make a thing appear ridiculously -monstrous; for the colour of his Face -appear’d less lovely than a <em>Molotto’s</em>, the sides -of his Cheek like two pieces of Tann’d-Hide flie-bitten; -his Nose about an inch longer than <em>Mother -Shipton</em> is pictur’d with, and somewhat more -curved; his Mouth opened as wide as an Oligators; -and his Teeth within that vast Concave, -alike straggling, his Chin was like the Rump of -a Goose. When he did sweat (as he did rarely -otherwise) his neck lookt very like a Collar of -Brawn, standing in its own Pickle; his back was -borrowed from a Cammel, his Belly from a Swine, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_128'>128</span>his Leggs from a Crane, much longer, though -not quite so small; But I believe the Devil helpt -him to Arms, for my Doublet and Shirt being -stript over my ears, there was an Engine brought -much like a Pillorie, in which there was three -holes; the middlemost for my Head, and one of -each side for my hands: These Principal Members -of mine being there fixt, he takes up a Stick in -his hand with five or six Cords at the end thereof, -with which, at the first blow, I thought he -had cut me in two, following that with three or -four more, and in the end did so lay about him, -that my very Accusers were forc’d to intreat -him to give over; and when that would not do, -they were compell’d to hold his hands. To conclude, -he had so out-done their expectations, that -they had now nothing else to do but to pity me; -but this was not all, my greatest affliction was -yet behind. For lest those deep furrows the -Rogue had plowed up on my Back should fester -or rankle, he had provided a Bason of Water and -Salt to wash my Wounds withal, which caused a -pain intollerable. The severity of that punishment, -hath ever since wrought so strongly on my -imagination, that it makes me tremble, when I -but cast my eye on any Book of the same Volume -of a <cite>Practice of Piety</cite>.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>Mr. Mayor had ordered, that the place of my -torment should be that of my rest too for that -night, and in the mean time had sent for the Master -of the Ship that was bound for <em>Barbadoes</em>, -(having a part in her himself) and inform’d him -that he had a purchase for him; a young Lad -which he should take aboard, giving him an account -<span class='pageno' id='Page_129'>129</span>how he came by him: it was all one to -the Master, he cared not what they were, provided -strong and healthy: <em>the Sea and Gallows refuse -none</em>. The next morning I was conveyed -aboard; the Master knew me at first sight, and -said to me, <em>Did not I tell you, if you were worse -than your promise I should meet with you again?</em> -Truly Master, (said I) I did not forget what I -promised, the occasion of so long absence was -only a desire I had to furnish my self with some -Commodities suitable to our Voyage; yesterday -I was coming in all hast to you, but that taking -up some odd trifles by the way staid me a while, -but I’le assure you they cost me very dear. The -damn’d Dog-whipper that was with me, did cut -what I was about to say in two, resolving forsooth, -to have his saying, telling the Master he -need not be asham’d to entertain me in his Ship, -for to his knowledge I was no less than a Lace-Merchant, -and had had great quantity about me. -The Master dismissing the Fellow giving him a -Tester for his care of me, took me into his Custody; -first carrying me into his Cabin to divert -himself with the relation of my Adventures; perceiving -that the rehearsal of but two or three gave -him infinite satisfaction; I assumed the boldness -(being encouraged thereunto by his intreaty) to -give him a plenary relation, not only of what had -lately past since my arrival at <em>Barnstable</em>, but -gave him a true and full account of all transactions -before I left the famous City of <em>Bristol</em>, the -place which I am engaged to for my Nativity.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_130'>130</span> - <h2 class='c004'>CHAP. X.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><em>He is shipt for a Plantation. He gives an account -of the Passengers aboard, relating what kind of -Cattle they were, and discovers from their own -mouths, things very observable, in some of their -Lives and Conversations.</em></p> - -<p class='drop-capa0_4_0_7 c011'>The soreness of my flead back had so taken -me off my mettle, that for three days, I -did little more than eat and sleep; but hating -thus to truant away my life without acting or -observation; I pull’d up a good heart, resolving -to make the best of a bad Market; the first thing -I had to do was to get my <em>Cargo</em> aboard, not -knowing how, or whom to trust. I saw there was -no way more feisable than to acquaint our Master -herewith: wherefore one Morning, seeing -him enter his Cabin alone, I followed him close -at the heels, and falling presently on my knees, -I begg’d him in the most commiserating terms -my invention would afford, that he would not -only be secret in what I should discover to him, -but also be assistant to me. <em>What, Sirrah</em> (said -he) <em>have you some new piece of Roguery to act, -and would you have me to be your accomplice in -it?</em> Far be it from me, Sir, said I; the Fact is -already done, and by what means known: but -the purchase none knows but myself where it is, -wherefore all that I desire is, that discovering the -place, you will lend me your assistance to bring -it hither, Sir, it is a just thing I beg of you; I -have suffered the Law; and therefore it is -mine; The very <em>Turks</em> condemn that as lawful -prize to the use of the theevish Slave, that can -carry it off (though but over the Threeshold) -<span class='pageno' id='Page_131'>131</span>without being taken notice of; so I hope, as I -have been cleanly in my conveyance, so my punishment -will authorise and clear the purchase. -Hearing me plead so notably and pittying my -condition, told me that none should be concerned -in the securing of my dear bought Goods but -himself, and therefore commanded me to tell him -where they were; which accordingly I did, and -he thereupon immediately fetcht them, locking -them up in his own custody, and promising me, -as soon as they were Landed, restitution; and -that you shall not suspect, Sirrah (said he) that I -will embezel any of them, you shall have an Inventory -of them, which was thus: Imprimis <em>Six -pair of Worsted Stockins, one pair of Children Shoees, -five clean Pipes, two Blew Leather Points, one Pair -of Boys Shoes, Two Brass Thimbles, one Alchymy -Spoon, one sawcer, one Knitting sheath and four -Needles with it, one old Womans pair of eyes, -(Spectacles I mean) which I stole from her Nose as -she slept at her own dore, two Horn-books, the pillage -of Two Children going to School; besides Giggs, -Bouling-stones, Marbles, and Span-Bounters innumerable</em>.</p> - -<p class='c012'>As my Master was taking in writing an exact -account of my Estate, I thought he would have -crackt a Gut by his excessive laughter; but when -that stitch-begetting-tickling humour would give -him leave, he askt me, what I intended to do -with these commodities when I Landed? or what -Merchant I had advised withal in the proper -transportation of these Goods? <em>Or whether</em> (said -he, laughing aloudly) <em>have you received any Letters -of advice from your Correspondence beyond Sea</em>? -He was not so jocundly vain as I was really -serious, which so increast his laughter, that I was -<span class='pageno' id='Page_132'>132</span>forc’d to exercise a great deal of patience, before -I could have liberty to return him suitable Answers -to his Questions. At length without the -least alteration of my countenance I told him, -that what I had collected to my great cost and -labour, I thought were as proper for transportation -to that place we were bound to, as I had -consulted the principal Merchants of <em>Europe</em>; for -there is nothing said I in all my Cargo but what -is very useful, and that to all sorts of Persons, -Sexes, or Ages. For my stockins, Points, <em>&c.</em> -will very well accommodate either Male or Female; -the Knitting-sheath and Thimbles, for the -young Wenches; the Spectacles, I guess, may -serve any old Woman from Threescore to an -Hundred; the Horn-Books they may teach their -Children by, to read; and let me alone with the -Gigs, Bowling-stones and Counters to teach them -to play, I mean, Sir, not to play with them, but -for them, and if I win (as I know I shall) their -purchasing them again, shall be my daily gain.</p> - -<p class='c012'>He seem very well pleased to hear me make -such silly Propositions to my self for my future -advantage; but I propounded to my self greater -advantages, laid on a more solid Basis; and I did -not fear my hopes would wither, or prove ineffectual, -since as I plainly perceiv’d, I had my -Masters love and countenance to cherish them. -Being now dismist, I walkt to and fro the Ship, -making my self acquainted with the Sea-men, my -childishness conversing with their bruitishness, as -cheerfully as possibly I could, who seemed well -pleased with me, though seldom pleased with any -thing else but store of strong liquors aboard, and -a lusty plump Wench ashore. From aloft, I got -between Decks, and there I found a many beastly -<span class='pageno' id='Page_133'>133</span>fellow Travailers, Dog-like kennell’d, <em>higglede -pigglede</em> altogether; I was heartily welcom’d in -amongst them, but I was much troubled to see -them so much more in years than my self, till -looking narrowly about me, I espyed a young -Girl of about sixteen, as I judged. <em>O Sister</em>, quoth -I, as confidently, <em>I am glad to see you here, but -much more glad that I shall have your company in -this Voyage</em>. The Baggage at first seemed somewhat -sullen and coy, but in two or three dayes -we grew so inwardly acquainted; that if I were -aloft, <a id='corr133.12'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='a head'>ahead</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_133.12'><ins class='correction' title='a head'>ahead</ins></a></span>, or abaft, or wheresoever, she would -be at my elbow. One day asking her the cause -of being a Shipboard, She told me, her Father -and Mother dyed when she was but three years -old, and left her to the tutelage of an Aunt, whose -cruelty increast towards her, as she increast in -years, debarring her even from that convenient -sustenance that supports Life, so that she was -forced to steal her Belly-timber, or be half-starved. -This early-forward-fruit was well complexioned, -and well featured, having a good natural Genius, -attended with an extraordinary boldness, both -which made me love this Cockatrice Whirligig, -what shall I call her, and became at last much -delighted in her conversation. Singling her out -one day, we got upon the Poop together, where, -after many childish flurtings, she perceiving how -inquisitive and desirous I was to know what was -the cause her Aunt was thus willing to part from -her, by sending her to <em>Barbadoes</em>; she very briskly -told me, she would give me the satisfaction required, -and expecting she would have made a -sigh to the Prologue to her following Discourse, I -found it otherwise, for she smilingly thus began, -to the same purpose, though not in the same words.</p> - -<p class='c012'><span class='pageno' id='Page_134'>134</span><em>My Aunt doth think she hath fully revenged her -self of all the injuries I have done her, by thus banishing -me from her presence, and my Native Countrey, -to a place I never heard of, till I was doom’d -to be an Inhabitant therein; and glad I am that -slavish sentence hath freed me from a more cruel -doom of living under the Tyrany of a principal</em> -Shee-Divel. <em>My Father dying, left me as I am -inform’d an hundred pound, which by my Mothers -death soon after was almost doubled; my Aunt, -before her decease, had so insinuated into her easie -nature, that she wheedled her to let this Money lie -in her hands for my use, promising my mother, that -if I lived to be of age, or marryed, I should have -the sum intire, without substracting a penny, under -what pretence soever, and would tender me as her -own daughter: My Mother dying with the satisfaction -of my being well provided for, I was taken -into the use of my Aunt, and for a while was indifferently -lookt after, going to school with her own -Son and Daughter. But some years being past over -my head, I found my self differenced from her -Children, as much as might be, slighted, and abused, -and my Couzens often beaten for their too much -familiarity with me: and that which was worse, -I was circumscribed of necessary provision. Having -alwayes a bold daring Spirit, I troubled my self as -little as I might, but made my wit and industry -supply me, with what my Aunt was defective in; -neither was I the sole sufferer in this affliction, the -servants bearing a part with me, having no other -proportion at Meals, than what her niggardly hand -made dividend of, not making the meat conformable -to our stomacks, but our stomacks to the meat; having -dined, she lockt up all fast: The servants did -not half so often grumble at her, as my Guts; and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_135'>135</span>that she might know how dissatisfyed they were, I -went one day with an Hammer, and nailed up the -House of Office dore; she having an occasion to -make use of it, could not be admitted, but being in -great haste, was glad to apply her self to her own -Bed-chamber, which I am sure she perfumed to the -purpose. Coming down in a great rage, she enquired -into the cause of this odd project, and who -the authour should be. To be short, she was acquainted -that it was I, who being summoned to -appear before her</em>; Huzzy, <em>said she</em>, was it you that -nailed up the Privy door? <em>I was forced to plead -Guilty.</em> And what was the reason (Mrs. Ne’re be -good) you did so? <em>Why truly forsooth</em> (quoth I) -<em>you feed well and plentifully, and therefore Nature -might command and require you to give her easement; -and to that purpose you have in your Chamber -a Close-stool; but we your servants, as we eat -little or nothing, so we seldom have occasion to go -to that house, which to us is altogether useless.</em> She -knew not whether she were best be angry, or -pleased; but dissembling her passion, said, <em>well -Huzif, if you complain, you shall have less: the less -you eat, the cleaner will be your sheets</em>, and so left -me. <em>Seeing her ultimate resolution was to keep me -short of Victuals; I resolved to try some means -whereby I might feed without her knowledge. Fortune -favoured me so much, that one afternoon going -up into her Chamber, wherein stood a great Chest she -usually laid up her provision in, I saw the Key in it, -which she by forgetfulness had left behind: I presently -stept to it, and opening the Lid, found there a -Turkey Pie, which I made so bold with, that I took -as much as would have served me three dayes, if I -<span class='pageno' id='Page_136'>136</span>had eaten nothing else, and that continually. I got -me down the stairs with all possible speed, to prevent -discovery, and secure my Provant; I soon found a -place for that purpose, and having hid it, I began to -consider what I had done, and that my Aunt would -soon know, who it was that frighted her Turkey -away, none else but me daring to be so bold; while I -was deeply musing <a id='corr136.8'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='mith'>with</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_136.8'><ins class='correction' title='mith'>with</ins></a></span> myself, our Cat came purring -by me, as if she had been sent by my good Angel, -to be the Sacrifice that should free me from that punishment -that would inevitably attend this Crime; so -taking her up in my arms, I ran up into the Chamber, -and having claw’d with my Nails the flesh, and -the Crust sufficiently, I committed poor Puss to answer -for what I had done. My Aunt a while after missing -her Key, went hastily to her Chamber, and seeing it -in the Chest, condemned her own carelesness, and -looking thereinto to see whether all was well, the Cat -bounc’d out into her face; the suddain surprizal -made her make a noise more discordant, than if -twenty Screetch-Owls had been in Consort. Being -alarm’d at this bellow, I was the first that got to my -Aunt, and very inquisitive I was of her to know, what -was the matter.</em> Oh! <em>said she</em> a scurvy Cat, I -negligently shut in the Chest, hath almost frighted -me out of my wits, besides what other mischief -she hath done me. <em>But when she came to see what -work supposedly the Cat had done, I was in good -hopes that my Aunt would have taken a lodging in</em> -Bedlam.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'><em>As I laid hold on all opportunities to fill my belly, -so some I studied;</em> as for Example, <em>twice or thrice -a week we had a baked pudding; I bought me a -<span class='pageno' id='Page_137'>137</span>little dish about the bigness of a Porringer, and out -of the Pan I would fill it, a fruitful Pudding to -have always a young one at the side on’t. The Dow -which I commonly carried to the Bake-house, never -went home so much in the Loaf, for I seldom failed -to have a Cake out of it; both which I practised so -long till my Aunt found me out, and soundly bang’d -me for so doing. For these, and such like faults I -was so often and so unmercifully beaten, that I was -resolved to be reveng’d on her. One day she being -invited abroad, I was resolved to be even with her at -home in this manner, One pair of stairs she had a -stately Dining-room, wherein there was a Cup-board -on which (being spread with a very fine cloath) stood -variety of all manner of curious Glasses, such as she -valued above her Plate, and took great delight in -them, being prouder of shewing those to her guests, -than some are in appearing in a fine new Gown to -their Sweet-hearts. These I was resolved should -fall down to my revenge, and be crusht a pieces by the -weight of my indignation and fury; but before I -would begin to act this doleful Tragedy, I went, and -made all things ready; that is to say, I took a large -Spannel that we had, and leading him to the Street -dore, I ran out into the middle of the Street, calling -him after me; he followed me, and I led him a dance -so long, till he had dirtied himself sufficiently, then -going in adoors, I stole up softly the back-stairs, and -the Dog following me into the Dining-room; then -did I take his feet, and make them imprint the form -thereof on the Cloth; having so done I pull’d the -cloth, and down came the Glasses to the Floor, and by -the fall not one of them escaped; this being done, I -got into the next Room, and crept underneath the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_138'>138</span>Bed; the fall of the Glasses soon came to the Ears of -those that were below, who coming up, found none in -the Room, but the Dog, and seeing the print of his -claws in the Cloth, ne’re examined the matter farther, -but to work they went with him, who wanting words -to justifie his innocence, escaped the punishment by -flight; whilst they pursued him, I stept down the -stairs, without being known to have a hand in the -Plot, how my Aunt resented this sad accident, I will -give those leave to judge, that ever had the like loss.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'><em>But this story I am about to tell you, succeeded not -so well as the former; for it fell to my own scurvy -Lot, to be punished with that which might have -proved a piece of Revenge, though I intended no such -matter, and which was worse, detected me as the -author of the former. Our Maids being in the -Fields, bleaching of Clothes, my Aunt commanded -me to frie some Tripes for her Dinner, which she had -brought in from Market; I laying them <a id='corr138.18'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='sic'>caresly</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_138.18'><ins class='correction' title='sic'>caresly</ins></a></span> upon -the Dresser, whilst I was cleaning the Frying-pan, -our aforesaid Dog swallowed up one half of them at -one mouthful, without chewing them, and had near -dispatcht the other half, before I could come to the -rescue of my Aunts Dinner; I hastily threw down -the Pan, which caused my Aunt to come running in, -to see what was the matter; she seeing me busily -and eagerly imployed about the Dog, stept back in a -place covered from my sight, where she might both hear -and see. I basted him so long, holding him fast, that -he disgorged one parcel of the Tripes, which I taking -up laid them on the Dresser</em>; come, <em>said I, basting him -the while</em>, this is not all you Thief; I must have more -yet; <em>the Dog, as if he had understood me, discharged -himself of the Theft, and I verily believe, did -<span class='pageno' id='Page_139'>139</span>not detain one single mouthful behind: so much for -his honesty</em>. So, so, <em>said I</em>, ’tis well, get you gone -you Rogue, as long as you did as I did bid you, -break my Aunts cup-board of Glasses, I made -much of you, but when you turn thief, and steal, -you must be beaten into better manners.</p> - -<p class='c012'><em>My Aunt all this while was exercising her patience -even to a miracle, and would not speak a word, -because she would see what I intended farther. Hereupon -I took my Tripes, and giving them a rench or -two in a pail of water, I dryed them, flowred them, -and into the Pan they went, and fell a frying them, -with as much confidence as if they had had no mischance -befaln them. Being fryed with my sawce, -and all other things ready, I was going in haste to -call my Aunt to Dinner, as she met me, and seeming -to take no notice, seats her self at the Table, and -turning one piece then another, then a third, she -takes the Dish, and twirls it round, saying</em>, they -were not fryed to her mind, and that I did this -on purpose, that I might have them all my self, -and so you shall, <em>said she</em> and that I may be sure -you do not slight good victuals (being too much -Corn-fed) I will give you leave to sit down by -me for once.</p> - -<p class='c012'><em>I knew not what to say, which way to look, nor -what to think, but perceived by my Aunts eyes, -which were all of a flame, that she had discovered -something that had highly offended her; I would -have spoken something but she interrupted me, saying -familiarly, leave off talking and eat your meat: -I being somewhat backward, and she taking notice -thereof</em>; how now Mrs. Minks, (<em>said she</em>) is not -that good enough for you, which is too good for -me? Huzif, I will have none of your Dogs-leavings, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_140'>140</span>and since you would not let him eat it, you -shall eat it for him your self; and then I shall -talk a little further with you; <em>Seeing there was no -help, I did eate of the Tripe, at every other bit, much -good may do you, quoth she, eat heartily, and spare -not. I chewed it like him that was gnawing a piece -of his own Boots; but down it must go. When she -thought I had eaten enough for that time, she fell -upon me in that manner, that I had much ado to -keep that I had within me, which I was resolved to -do, lest she should make me fry it again to my Supper.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'><em>Having tired her self with beating me, she told -me that this was not for the breaking of her Glasses, -she had another of another nature for that, since she -knew it was not a Dog, but a Bitch-Fox, that had -done her all that mischief. Whereupon she drove me -up stairs before her, and lockt me into a Room, till -she had breath to talk further with me.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'><em>I was ready to die with fear to think what she -intended to do with me; at nights approach she came -to me with one of her Maids, and having lockt the -dore to them, they unstript me, and naked as ever I -was born, they tyed my hands to the Bed-post, and -lasht me with <a id='corr140.24'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='VVhipcord'>Whipcord</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_140.24'><ins class='correction' title='VVhipcord'>Whipcord</ins></a></span>, till she had made me all -over of a gore blood. Her Son hearing by the Maid -how cruelly I was delt withal, adding further, that -he wondred how his Mother could be so hard hearted, -as to tear my skin. Natural affection enforced him -to pity me, and that pity began to increase that affection, -which he hath had more than these two -years for me; so that, as he confest to me afterwards -there was no greater trouble to him, then that he -could not condole with me in my affliction. Having -been confined two or three days to my Chamber, my -Aunt was persuaded to make further tryal of me, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_141'>141</span>and if I proved not then answerable to her expectation, -she would for ever discard me. Upon these -terms I was released, and found my Couzen overjoyed -that I was enlarged. He was somewhat younger -than my self, about fifteen years old, of an inclination -very prone to love what was youthful or -beautiful; and finding me very flexible to entertain -his amorous propositions, followed me so close, that he -obtained what he desired.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'>‘Thus we continued some time together, and -knowing how covetous his Mother was, and -not allowing him hardly any thing to spend, I -studyed how I might assist him in his expence -abroad: I was one day in the Shop, and looking -into the Counter for something, I found a -board at the end of the Till, loose, which taking -up, I could easily put in my hand, and take out -what Money I pleased; having now taken out -the Board, I knew not what to do; for I fastned -it but very slenderly, neither could I do -otherwise, having no time to do what I would. -Wherefore in the morning early, before my -Aunt was up, I got into the Shop, and with a -small Perser I boared a couple of holes quite -through the end, and two sides of the Box, and -so with Wire I fastned it, to my hearts content, -but not so but I could loosen it again at my -pleasure. My heart leapt to think, how this -project taking effect, neither I, nor my friend -could want Money at any time. Could I have -concealed this to my self I would have done it, -and so supplyed (as I thought convenient) my -Couzen with Money, the more to engage his -affection to me. But I was forc’t to tell him -thereof, (whom I knew as forward in any sort -of wickedness as any body) because he was -<span class='pageno' id='Page_142'>142</span>continually in the Shop. Having given him an -account of my projection, I thought he would -have been transported with joy, and was restless, -till he had made an experiment; which -having done, and finding my contrivance, an -inexhaustible Mine to him, I thought he did intend -to lock me in his arms everlastingly. -Now did our freedom daily increase, and nothing -obstructed them but want of liberty to -enjoy them. But, as what is violent, is seldom -permanent; so must our delights have an end, -and so much the sooner, by how much they exceed -in measure. Being not satisfied with stealing -a kiss, or so forth in the day time, We -pitcht upon a Night, when he should run the -hazard of coming into his Mothers Chamber -where I lay in a Trundle-bed under her; and -be with me all night: He watcht his opportunity, -staying up late, and I in pursuance of the -design, had left the chamber door open, and so -our desires were accomplisht. But now (a mischief -on’t) we were so shackled in the fetters of -a lasting sleep, that notwithstanding my Aunt -bawl’d to me I know not how many times, it -being late in the morning to rise and look after -her business, yet I made no answer; at last -started out of the Bed, and stepping to mine, to -see if I were not dead, found her Son inclosed -in my Arms both fast asleep. But she awakened -us so hastily out of our sleeps, that we -lookt like a couple of Bedlamites, and so confounded -with shame, that we had not a word -to say. To be short, she first resolv’d to -turn me out of doors, not caring whether -I went with or without Cloaths; but then -considering she should disparage her Son, by -<span class='pageno' id='Page_143'>143</span>shaming of me; concluded to send for the -Master of the Vessel we now are in, and after -some discourse I was commanded to go with -him, glad I was to go any where to be out of -her reach; her Son, hearing of my sad sentence, -would have followed me, but was interrupted; -however yesterday, attempting by the way I -had found out to supply me with Money, he -was catcht in the act by his Mother, and -sent immediately to Prison, where I understand -he is like to lie till we set <a id='corr143.11'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='Sail.'>Sail.’</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_143.11'><ins class='correction' title='Sail.'>Sail.’</ins></a></span></p> - -<p class='c012'>I was so attentive in the hearing what she related -befell her, that I did eat her words as they -fell from her. To retaliate her kindness, I gave -an account of what I had lately run through, at -least wise, as much as I thought convenient; and -by this time the Seamen began to take notice of -our private conference, and by our familiarity -they had seen, gave their judgments openly, that -they thought there would be a <em>Westminster</em> wedding -between us, before we should arrive at our -intended Port. Hereupon we broke up School, -and descended straight between Decks, there we -found our Comerades tongues all imployed like -a <em>Dover</em>-Court; I for my part was resolved to be -silent, that I might the better gather from them -what they were, and what lewd things they had -acted upon the Stage of this world.</p> - -<p class='c012'>But how often did I be-Ass my Rogueship, -calling my self ten thousand Fools for having so -good an opinion of my Rogueries, (thinking them -no other than the very quintessence of wit) when -I heard them discourse of what they had done, -which they all did with more freedom, than a -dying man would confess his Sins to his Ghostly -Father. And so they might very well do; for -<span class='pageno' id='Page_144'>144</span>being past all shame (<span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>perit cui pudor periit</em></span>) and -the Law having past sentence on them, they could -not suffer again for the same, without a recommission.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The Wind coming about fair, and we all ready, -command was given to weigh the Ankor; just as -it was a Peek, and our Fore-top-sail loose, and -seeing then that there was no help but that I -must go, I fully purposed to have leapt overboard -(so attractive is our native Soil) had not -the consideration of my Estate aboard, with that of -my Mis, which I must leave behind, pulled me back.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Whilst I was thus ruminating with myself, we -had spread all our Canvas, the wind blowing fresh, -we spoon’d away before it like an arrow out of a -bow. Coming into the Ocean, I found my self -possest with a new Spirit, and if there was ever -any such thing as transmigration of Souls, certainly -it was at that time, some new drown’d Sea-mans -Soul hovering on the Deep, took up its -habitation in my body, entring in at my mouth -as I gap’d for breath, which the swiftness of the -Ships sailing, and tossing of the Waves together, -had almost totally deprived me of. I was so -nimble and so active, that if I saw any halling -Sheets aft, or hoising of Sail, would be sure to be -with him; which our Master taking special notice -of, encouraged me therein, so far that venturing -first into the tops, I afterwards upon it -grew so bold, that when occasion required, I often -helpt to furl a Sail, but being not my Crafts-Master, -being more bold than skilful, one day I was -in the Main-top, and getting astride the Yard-arm, -(to make my self the better acquainted with it) -I dropt off into the Sea, and had we not been -<span class='pageno' id='Page_145'>145</span>becalmed, I had been drowned irrecoverably. -Throwing me out a Rope, I got aboard, no more -concerned with the danger I escaped from, than -if I had been that while asleep in a Cabbin. My -Master lookt on this accident as a certain Omen -of my being a Sea-man, and thereupon made me -his Cabbin-boy promising me when I had served -him a time according to custom, he would advance -me according to my deligence and fidelity, -as for my ingenuity he questioned not.</p> - -<p class='c012'>We had not been above a Month at Sea, but -by imploying all the leasure time I had among -my Comrades, I had gained so intimate acquaintance, -and so perfect a knowledge of them, that -I shall endeavour to give you a Character of them; -there was nineteen of them in all, besides my -Mistress, whose late Adventures I have given you -an account of; and therefore shall pass her by and -only tell you what the rest were, but first, what -their Professions are.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c004'>CHAP. XI.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><em>An account and Character of such who went with -me in our Voyage to a Plantation</em>, viz.</p> - -<p class='drop-capa0_4_0_7 c011'>O<em>ne Broken Tradesman</em>, 2 <em>Jilts</em>, 1 <em>Pretended -poor Captain.</em> 1 <em>Counterfeit Libertine Minister.</em> -1 <em>Soldier of Fortune.</em> 1 <em>New Exchange Girl</em>, -2 <em>Button-makers</em>. 1 <em>Orange-Wench.</em> 3 <em>Crackt -Maid-servants.</em> 1 <em>Stockin-Mender.</em> 4 <em>Common -Prostitutes.</em> One whereof was a large <em>Folio</em>, two of -them in <em>Octavo</em>, and one in <em>decimo sexto</em>, all loose in -Sheets, of the first Edition imprinted at <em>London</em>. -I might otherwise name the first a Ship of the first -<span class='pageno' id='Page_146'>146</span>Rate, an unwieldy bulky thing, which would require -more men than a Kingdom can well spare -to Man her, old and leaky too, and must be pumpt -every hour to keep her above water. The other -next two had been tight Friggots, and excellent -Sailers; but length of time had so decayed their -Hulks, that they were unfit for any thing but Fire -ships; the last was a pretty Pinance, but damag’d -much in her Rigging, and would serve for an excellent -Pikeroon still, having been from her Cradle -taught the Art of Land-Piracy. But to begin -first with my</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><em>Broken Tradesman.</em></div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>His Father lived in <em>Excester</em> in very good fashion, -being one of the principal of the City; and though -he had a very good Trade of his own, yet he thought -it very incompleat to that of <em>London</em>, and thither -must his Son be sent. A Confectioner for his -Master was provided him; but he had not been -with him ten weeks before the Confectioner found -that he was half undone by this sweet tootht -Gutling; nay he ingenuously confest to me that -his Pockets were continually cram’d with all sorts -of Sweat Meats, as Pomecitron, Orange and Lemmon -Pill, Comfits of all sorts, or what ever Confections, -as were dryed; and his reason was for so -doing, lest being sent on an errand he should lose -any time in the indulging his Palate: he did not -so much as go to Bed unfurnisht, sleeping with -some sweet thing or other in his Mouth, that he -might dream of the rest. His Master concluding -that he should be absolutely undone if he kept him -much longer, sent for his Father, who coming up -removed him from thence, and placed him with a -Vintner, knowing experimentally that those that are -<span class='pageno' id='Page_147'>147</span>sweet tootht, are seldom Drunkards. But the Gentleman -could not make so much haste to go out -of town, as his Son did to be drunk; in seven -days that he was in this Tavern, he was but five -hours perfectly sober. It was well he made so much -haste to show his Inclination that he might not -put his aged Father to the expence and trouble -of another journey. His Father seeing he could -devour trade so fast, and lest some such should -swallow him up at last, resolved to put him to one -he could not eat, (yet one, too many have worn -Thread-bare) a Salesman; he seemed diligent -enough till his Father was gone out of Town, -and then wanting what the Indulgence of a Father -continually bestowed upon him, he one morning -early put on a very handsome Suit that fitted -him, and taking along a very good <em>Bruxels</em> Chamblet -Cloak (which he sold) away he marcht into -the Countrey, committing many <em>petit larcenies</em> by -the way, resolving (if it should fall to his chance) -to die as near his friends as he could. At <em>Huntington</em> -he was apprehended for stealing a Silver -Tumbler, but being known by some Relations he -had in the Town, the business was husht up, and -he sent home. His Father admired to see his -Son return so soon after him, askt him the reason -thereof, who craftily replyed, he could not live so -far from his Parents. Though the old man was -troubled that his Son should disappoint his expectations, -yet he could not but shew himself a Dotard in -acknowledging his Sons natural affection therein.</p> - -<p class='c012'>At last it was concluded on, that he should follow -his Fathers Trade of Mercery, which my young -man did, till his Fathers death, which was about -two years after, but how faithfully, I must leave -<span class='pageno' id='Page_148'>148</span>to those Parents to consider, who have brought their -Children to shameful ends, and thereby have blemisht -the spotless Reputation of their Ancient -Families, by not endeavouring to hinder the excursions -of such debaucheries, as proceed from -their known vicious constitutions. His Father -leaving him his House, Shop and Goods, he so apparel’d -himself, and spent so largely, as in the excess -neither had the conquest. These, and his Extravagant -Courtship made him the whole Town-talk. He -had not hours enough in eight days to visit his Mistresses -in a whole week, although he should address -himself to one every hour of the day. His -Love was so general, that he would have enjoy’d -them all, but the Law bounding his boundless desires -to give himself that satisfaction, he is most -prone unto, he was forc’d to elect one; it was -strange he could not choose one honest Woman out -of so many; for she matcht his Cock, she proving -more inclinable to Venery, then he to any other -Vice. As he reacht to the possession of all or none, -so none at all could reach her full satisfaction.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The Marriage was but just consummated, and -they hardly warm in each others embraces, when -he turned his poor Mother out of doors, bidding -her go live elsewhere upon her Thirds, for they -would have no Overseers in their house, nor such -who should continually disturb their quiet with -the tedious Lectures of Crab-tree morality. The -Candle is now lighted at both ends, if he spent -liberally with friends abroad, she had those at -home to spend with and upon; and that she might -not come short of him; if she had heard he spent -a Crown, she would double it in her expence. For -one half year two Taylors had nothing else to do, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_149'>149</span>but to make them new Garments; and when they -and their Friends were together in a Tavern, all -the Drawers in the house were little enough to -tend them; so inconsiderately generous, that a -Poetaster who could never arrive at the hight of a -Ballad, presenting him with a hobbling non-sensical -<em>Epithalamium</em>, he caused my ragged Rimer uncase -immediately, and cloath’d him so, that he lookt -rather like a gawdy Actor, than a Poet, bestowing -over and above five pieces, then in his Drunkenness -he might the more freely trumpet out his bounty. -By these courses his Shop was altogether neglected, -and few Commodities vended, but what -his Wifes Paramours took upon an everlasting -credit. Growing now weary of <em>Excester</em>, and such -vulgar Countrey delights, (as he was pleased to -call them) he furnisht his Pockets with store of -Money (having converted a round sum of Silver -into Gold), away he rode for <em>London</em>; where being -come, he omitted not any time which he -might imploy either in places of pleasure or pastime. -And being tired here too with the variety -of his delights; and finding withal not above -twenty pieces left, he mounts his Horse with an -intention homewards but by the way, having -some business, (as a Wench to see or so) at <em>Malborough</em> -on the <em>Downs</em>, he was met with, and -robb’d, and with a cut or two (for he resisted) he -made a shift to get to the Town. He had behaved -himself so loudly ill, that the report came thither, -and those that would in his Fathers life time have -trusted him with 500<em>l.</em> would not now trust him -with so many farthings; so that he was forc’d to sell -his Horse, and go home on foot.</p> - -<p class='c012'>His Wife in the mean time had not been idle in -<span class='pageno' id='Page_150'>150</span>her expences, rioting in that shameful manner, -that the whole Town cryed out shame on her: those -deserved reproaches they daily threw upon her, -made her resolve to lay hold on the opportunity -of her Husbands absence and secure what she -could to her own peculiar use, and quit the Town; -to that intent she consulted with her chiefest favourite, -(and by the way take notice there is no -Whore so notoriously common, but she keeps one -whom she loves above all others, that shall take -the freedom to beat her, abuse her, strip her sometimes -when his Pimp-ship is in the humour, and -will infallibly spend what ’ere she gets if she intends -to keep her Flesh and Bones from being -under the Chirurgeons hands) I say consulting -him, he advised by all means to take some speedy -course for her self-preservation, it is an instinct -infused into the natures of irrationals; and therefore -certainly man cannot be without. He needed -not use any arguments to perswade her to -that she was already resolved to put in execution; -and therefore she only desired him to know how she -should secure the Goods in the Shop. <em>Let that -alone to me</em>, said he, <em>I will take that charge upon me</em>; -and that he might charm her into a consent, they -talkt that in private, which the colour of their -Faces publickly discovered.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The night appointed being come, for the perfecting -what they had propounded, the Gallant -was ready punctually at his hour with three or -four Porters, by the help of whom he quickly removed -all the choice Goods or any that were -worth Porterage to a place appointed. Having -so done, he advised her to secure what Money -and Plate there was in the House; this was done -<span class='pageno' id='Page_151'>151</span>so silently, that the Servants of the House were not -awakened by any noise they made; there was not -so much Money and Plate but it was portable -enough between them; having thus contributed to -the robbing herself, away she trudges with her -friend to another place, than where he had sent the -Goods; and having provided an Horse before for -that purpose, in the morning early away they -rode to <em>Plimouth</em>, about thirty miles distant, -where having lodg’d her, and promising to return -speedily, takes a good quantity of Money with -him, and was never by her heard of after.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Her Husband coming home, and finding all -things in this condition, was about to hang himself, -(and so he might, for few loved him so well -as to hinder him from it, especially now seeing -there was no more good to be done with him) -but comforting himself, that his House was still -left standing, he grieved very little; for he was so -little acquainted hitherto with grief, that he knew -not what it was. He had not rested in it above -one night, but he sold it, and what Goods remain’d, -and it was not two hours after before he was arrested, -and so forced to part with above three -parts of what the Sale had brought him in, to -discharge the Debts he owed in that City. It -was not long after that all was gone, and in -that juncture of time, his Wife returned with -hardly a rag to cover that nakedness, she had -so often lasciviously exposed to view. What became -of her afterwards, I know not; but he to -shun the daily flouts and insupportable slightings -of his Relations and <em>Quondam</em> Friends, footed it -for <em>Barnstable</em>, and rather than through despair -destroy himself at home, he would try his fortunes -<span class='pageno' id='Page_152'>152</span>by labouring in another Countrey. The next -Persons I am to treat of, are a Couple of</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><em>Jilts</em>.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>Fellows that must run through a many other faculties -of an inferiour Class, before they can attain -to the true knowledge of this profound -Mystery; and having obtain’d this, they commence -Master of Arts; which Arts are divided -into that of High-Padding, Low-Padding, Cloy-Filing, -Bung-Nipping, Prancers Prigging, Duds-Lifting, -Rhum-Napping, Cove-Cuffing, Mort-Trapping, -Stamp-Flashing, Ken-Milling, Jerk the -Naskin, with many more of the quality.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Such were these two Jilts, who had they -staid longer in <em>London</em>, instead of taking shipping -here, they would have taken Shippen at -<em>Newgate</em>, and Sailed up <em>Holbourn</em>, and passing -by the dangerous Rocks of St. <em>Giles’s</em> would -irrecoverably have been cast away at <em>Tiburn</em>.</p> - -<p class='c012'>I did not find by their discourse any great matter -of ingenuity, having not wit enough to practice -any thing of their own designing; they were -old seasoned Rogues; and were content to tread in -the same old Paths their Predecessors had trod in -before, without making any new discovery. And -therefore I shall give you an account only, that not -daring to <a id='corr152.27'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='shay'>stay</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_152.27'><ins class='correction' title='shay'>stay</ins></a></span> longer in <em>London</em>, they were constrained -to betake themselves to the Countrey. -The week before the Sizes they came to <em>Excester</em>, -setting up their Horses at an Inn, they presently -(not to lose time) walkt to see the City, and -under that pretence to try what advantages they -<span class='pageno' id='Page_153'>153</span>could make therein, went into several Taverns, -and where they could not get civily into company -they thought they might bubble, they rudely -intruded, and had like to have been soundly basted -for their pains; they found that Gaming would -not suit their purpose in that precise place; therefore -the next day they resolved to experience what -Jilting would do; and that they might carry on -their design with the less suspition, they bespoke -a Dish or two of Meat for Dinner in a Tavern, inviting -the man of the House and his Wife to eat -with them, they called freely for Wine, and drank -pretty smartly; at length they were left alone, -one of them steps up the stairs, and gets into the -Vintners Lodging Room, where seeing a large -Trunk, he attempts to open it with his Pick-lock, -(which they have of all sorts and sises from a -Street Door to a Cabinet) being too long a fumbling -about his business, the Vintner came up to -his Comrade the mean time, and asking where -his Friend was; the other replyed he was gone up -to the House of Office; <em>Nay, that cannot be</em>, replyed -he, <em>for it is below in the Yard</em> and thereupon -(his heart mis-giving him) he ran up hastily the -stairs, and looking back saw him that he left below -at the stair-head ready to go down, and the -other that was above coming out of his Chamber, -not knowing how to seize them both, he cryed out, -<em>stop the Thief that is coming down</em>, and in the -mean time clos’d in with him that was above and -struggling with him, he was forc’d to quit an Hundred -Pound-Bagg, that the Jilt had got under his -Arm, which made the Vintner then more eager to -secure him: in short, they were both secured and -carried before a Justice; there needed no other -<span class='pageno' id='Page_154'>154</span>evidence to convict them, than a great bunch of -those Pick-locks found about them. Upon this they -were committed, and that very Sizes (having miraculously -before escaped buzzing in the fist) both -sentenced to be Transported.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Now give me leave to give you an account (if -it be possible) of one that is every thing, yet nothing. -By his Garb, both a Gentleman, and a -Soldier too, and such an one is this</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><em>Pretended (poor) Captain</em>.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>His Ancestors by the Fathers side in a continued -Line to him, have been well known to be -remarkable Beggars some Centuries; I know not, -but that they may draw their Original from King -<em>Fergus</em>, or some other great <em>Irish Prince</em>; for to -this day the meaner sort of the Natives of <em>Ireland</em> -had rather see their Children beg, than be -mechanically imployed, by following some honest -Trade, or Occupation. And that is the reason -that so many serving-men, swarm from the middle -and meaner sort of them, learning to cringe -when they are young, that they may beg, with -the better grace when they are old. His Grand-Father -by an unhappy, or happy accident, when -he was a Child, fell into the Fire, and so scorcht -his face, that had you seen it, you would sworn -it had been a young scorcht Devils-head half -roasted; I say by that advantage, (which others -would call a disadvantage) when he came to be -of years, removing where he was not known, -he gained daily by begging considerably, pretending -that disaster came by powder, as he -was couragiously fighting in the famous Battel of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_155'>155</span><em>Lepanto</em>; and which to confirm the belief, he had -lost a Leg by a confounded Ulcer, which he pretended -he lost by a Cannon shot, at the same time. -By which means he had got sufficiently to have -maintained his Son not in idle courses, if he had -had the Grace to have rightly used it; but he -coming of Age, spent that in a Month, which his -Father had got in twenty scorching Summers, and -as many cold benumming Winters, scorning to degenerate -from the Ancient practice of his Predecessors; -and like a Crafts-master, purchased a Seamans -old suit of Apparel, with his Red Cap, and -had so rolled himself in Pitch, that he might have -served a whole City for a general Antidote in a -Contagion. He begg’d up and down the Countrey, -(pretending to go home,) under the notion of being -cast away, and had lost all; and therefore desired -the Charity of well minded People, that it might -be a means to carry him to his friends and acquaintance. -He had learn’d Sea-termes of Art, -and applyed them very well in all his wonderful -relations. Coming to his Quarters at night, after -two or three deep fetcht sighs, he would in general -complain of his hard fortune, giving some small -hints of what considerable sums he lost this last -Ship-wrack; then as if he corrected himself for so -doing in the discovery of his misery, he would say, -<em>well, it is but a madness and a great folly to grumble -at the hand of Providence. We must submit to Dispensations.</em> -These sad Notes coming from his Religious -Organ-pipe, sounded so lowdly in the ears -of his Landlady, that she tuned them so among -the Neighbourhood, that the room wherein he -was, fill’d presently.</p> - -<p class='c012'>He had an excellent faculty in telling a doleful -<span class='pageno' id='Page_156'>156</span>story, and would Limn the horrour of Ship-wrack -so to the Life, that the womens eyes about him -dropt as fast as Water out of a Cullender; after -this fell a showre of two pences, single pence, half -pence, <em>&c.</em> By this subtlety he never wanted Mony, -Victuals, strong Drink, nor good Lodging. And -by the help of a good Memory as I am informed -he travailed in and about <em>England</em>, begging in -this manner, nine years, and never came in to a -Town twice.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>Our poor Captain the Son of this maunding -Seaman, (that never saw the Ocean, and therefore -could hardly be otherwise Ship-wract, than against -a Whipping-post, or the Gallows) had another -Spirit, whose Soul had neither communication -with, nor relation to the meanness of his Fathers; -for from his Childhood he begg’d as the Orphan -of a wealthy Merchant, whose Estate was embezel’d -by the avarice of his Guardian, and since -lavishly spent by the profuse prodigality of his -Son, since dead. That now having neither Parents -nor Friends left living, he was exposed to this -miserable way of craving the benevolence of the -charitable. He made a shift to live after this manner -till he was fifteen years of Age; but the -People noting him to be a lusty Lad, threatned -if he would not work, to send him to <em>Bridewel</em>; -that word so startled him, that he was absolutely -frighted out of that begging humour. Hearing -at that instant the Drums beat for Voluntiers in -some forreign expedition, he listed himself, and -instead of Advance Mony, had Shoos, Stockins, -Hat, and Coat, Sword and Belt, with what else -was requisite for a Soldier. And now he shewed -clearly what blood he had in him, and that his -<span class='pageno' id='Page_157'>157</span>Mother had the greatest share in his Generation. -For when she was in her Ale, (as she often would -be) she never gloried nor boasted of any thing -more, then that her Husband was a Soldier at -<em>Tilbury</em> Camp, and that losing his Thumb by -firing his own Musquet, her Majesty gave him a -Pension of a maimed Soldier, that if he begg’d -after-wards, it was no disgrace, being so miserably -disenabled from working.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>This Sprightly young Soldier, being thus accoutred -beyond his own or any bodies expectation -else, ramm’d in the Stones of the Street by his -strutting to some purpose, leaving not any place -of the City unvisited, that he might shew his Gallantry, -especially such places he before had begg’d -in. You could not have affronted him worse, than -to call him by what name his Mother gave him, -(for I question, whether he was christian’d) and -would be as ready to draw to vindicate his -Honour. But the Wind serving fair, and all -things ready, setting sail, they arrived in safety at -their Port. What service he did in that expedition, -I could not gather from him, (undoubtedly -it was his modesty that hindred him, rather desiring -to have some other Mouth to proclaim his -worth than his own) but this he confest, that his -often hiding himself when any Party was commanded -to march out of the Garrison, occasioned -his Officers to tie him so often Neck and Heels, -that he thought he should go double as long as -he lived, and that his Breech was grown stupidly -sensless by often riding the wooden Horse. However, -he was constrained to tarry here six years; -but at length he grew so tired with watching -once in four dayes, and so scar’d with the dangers -<span class='pageno' id='Page_158'>158</span>the frequent Alarms acquainted his ears with, -once in six weeks at least, that he resolved rather -to venture a hanging by his own fellow Soldiers, -than run the hazard of being shot by his enemies; -and so watching his opportunity, got into a Vessel -bound for <em>England</em>, and came away, not affording -those he left behind, so much as a farewel; -but being far enough off the Shore, cryed out -aloud, <em>Harm watch, Harm catch</em>. Landing at -<em>Plimouth</em>, he bought him an ordinary red Scarf, -and made it into a Sling to carry his hand in, -which had as many Plaisters on it, as are used in -an Hospital a week, sowing it to his Shoulder, -and tying a large bow knot on it; with a Sword -by his side, and a laced Hat, that he had purchased -at second hand, he walk’d the Streets, and had the -impudence to address himself to the Governour of -the Town, in this, or the like manner.</p> - -<p class='c017'><em>Although I have not the Honour to be acquainted -with you, Great Sir, in whose Person dwells (as I -hear) all the Virtue and Valour of slain</em> English -Heroes, <em>by a Transmigration; yet I am not unknown -to the</em> African <em>part of the Macrocosme, where my -single Sword hath eaten its way through thousands, -and hath afterwards drank it self into a surfeit, -with the blood of those Hell-dyed Infidels. My -forward valour soon rewarded my unknown Worth, -and for no other reason, than I thought fit to command -the Destinies, having so great a power over -Life and Death, I was made a Captain. At -first, the great care I had to preserve my own, -made me expose my self as their Target, to guard -them from their enemies Arrows, so that in -<span class='pageno' id='Page_159'>159</span>one Battel, (wherein there was threescore thousand -men of the adverse party, there was but three hundred -of them escap’d with life to inform their friends -of their Countreys loss,) I say, in that barbarous -conflict I return’d home, as thick stuck with Arrows, -as a porcupine with Quills; afterwards my Name -served to fright the Rogues, without fighting a -stroak. But the long absence from my own Countrey, -possest me with so great a desire of seeing that -blessed Soil, that gave me breath, I resolved to acquit -my Command, and happy in this opportunity -of tendring my Person and Services at the feet of -a Soul so magnanimous as your self.</em></p> - -<p class='c017'>Having finished his Formal bumbastical hyperbolical -Speech, the Governor was at a stand, -what to do with this mighty <em>Garagantua</em>, having -almost disenabled his tongue from speaking, by -biting it e’ne through, to contein himself from -laughing out right; but considering with himself, -promised him at last, that he would Muster him -in his own Company for the present, till he could -find out something more suitable to his worth and -quality, and for the present gave him some Money, -which our Captain, getting drunk with all -that night in the Company of some Officers into -which he had intruded himself, and taking the -liberty of undervaluing some of them in his prodigious -cracking, was soundly kick’t for all his -lame hand. But such was the Fortune of War, -that our Captain had not trailed a Pike above a -Month, before he stole a Chamber-Pot, two -Quart-pots, Flaggons, with some other Pewter, -and sold them at another Ale-house in -the Town; with the Money he got drunk, and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_160'>160</span>coming home to his Quarters, his Landlady -taxing him with the Theft, made no more ado, -but first abusing him in all the most opprobrius -terms that a Whore could invent, that had served -three seven years Apprentiships to a <em>Billingsgate</em> -Fish-woman, he then manfully beat her, and -in that manner, that she was forc’d to cry out -Murder. Neighbours coming in, seiz’d my valiant -Captain, and in that pickle he was in, carried -him before the Governour, who on seeing -him in that drunken condition, sent him to the -Mainguard, where he lay all that night as round -as a Ball. The next Morning he was tryed by a -Council of War, and finding him a Counterfeit, -and that he was nothing but a commixt piece of -Debauchery and Villany, condemned him to run -the Gauntlet, which he did on the <em>Hoe</em> of <em>Plimouth</em>, -through his own Company, and another -drawn up thither for that purpose; and afterward -at the old Town-gate, had his Sword broken -over his head, and so cashier’d.</p> - -<p class='c012'>This usuage was enough to make any one hate -to be a Soldier as it did him, for he resolv’d to -settle to his Trade, yet he liked very well the -name of Captain, and getting far enough off from -his disgracing place; he so shaped his design, -that he questioned not but that this Title would -be very advantagious: and to make a tryal how -it would prove, he applyed himself to a Gentlemans -house, (at that time when Loyalty to our -Lawful Prince was accounted Treason against -the Common-wealth) and understanding by inquiry -the name of the Person, and that he was a -strong Cavilier, (as they then call’d them) and a -great lover of all such, and knock’d at the door, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_161'>161</span>and ask’d to speak with the master of the House, -naming him, he being informed therewith readily -came, and my Captain was as ready himself -thus, in a low voice, to address</p> - -<p class='c014'><em>Sir, Report renders you a lover of your King, and -such as have suffered for his Sacred Majesties sake. -My Father was a Colonel, and his Loyalty he could not -better express than by dying in his Majesties Service at</em> -Edge-hill; <em>to revenge my Fathers death, and shew that -I had the same blood running in my Veins, I have not -only ventured my Youth upon any hazard, the boldest -Cavalier ever yet attempted, but since, I have had my -Estate sequestred too, and dare not own my name.</em></p> - -<p class='c014'>This Forgery took so good effect, that it produced -him forty shillings, with directions to go -to another Gentleman of the like Principles, -about ten miles distance; where addressing himself -in the same or like terms, the pretence took -effect there too. Now did he buy himself a -Sword, and getting a white Cap on his Head, -pretended himself sick too, as well as maimed; -by which means he pickt up a great deal of money; -the Rogue was grown so Covetous, and -was resolved not to lose his labour where ever -he came; if he had not any money given him, he -would infallibly steal something in lieu thereof. -Coming at length to the house of a person of -Quality, he addrest himself there as he had done -else-where, the Knight after he had given him -money, commanded some of his Servants to -carry him into the Buttery; they knowing by -the respects their Master shewed him, he must -be a Royalist, drank a Health to the King, and -by degrees to each of the Royal Progeny, not -<span class='pageno' id='Page_162'>162</span>leaving out some of the Nobility, that had been -most eminently serviceable to the King, and -by that time there was none (not exempting -the Butler) but had his dose; my Captain taking -the advantage of their disordered senses, was -not contented with a Bowl, but pickt up a silver -Salt too, which one more sober than the rest -observing, let him go out of the Gate before he -apprehended him; and seeing that he was resolved -to march off with them, seized him, and -drew him back again into the Court-yard, where -demanding from him what he had stoln, the -Captain denyed the Fact, with many bitter imprecations, -which gathered the Servants about -him, who searching him found the theft, who if -their Master had not interposed, they would have -knockt this Imposter in the head. He knew -that the Law would punish him sufficiently, -and being a Justice of Peace, caused his Clerk -to write his <em>Mittimus</em>, and so was sent to <em>Exeter</em>-Gaol, -where he continued till Sizes, and then -received the same Sentence, that had past upon -the Jilts before.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Now since I have described one counterfeit -that abused and robb’d the Countrey, under the -pretence of Loyalty; give me leave to Characterize -another counterfeit (the worst of the two) -who under the Cloak of Religion hid his debaucheries, -whilst he deceived and deluded the ignorant, -especially the Female Sex, with his lowd, -long, and impertinent Praying, and false Doctrine, -and that was the</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><em>Counterfeit Libertine Minister</em>.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>It is no wonder that he lived (as we do still) in a -<span class='pageno' id='Page_163'>163</span>staggering age, for the fall of <em>Adam</em>, broke the bones -of his Children, and crippled his posterity, so that -we are both blind in our Judgments, and lame in -our Practises. At first he was made perfect, -which was intimated by being brought into the -world naked, to signifie that the great Former of -all things was not ashamed of his Workmanship; -but when the Devil sent erroneous Tenents, attended -with damned Practices into the world, he -advised the Brochers and Professors thereof to -cover their deformity, with the Mouth of tenderness -of Conscience; but were their skins are as -tough as their Consciences, and their Flesh as -hard as their Hearts, they would be both Ax and -Halter-proof; they might laugh at the Block, and -defie the Gallows.</p> - -<p class='c012'>This religious <em>Proteus</em>, this <em>Heteroclite</em> in Divinity, -(for he was deficient in what he ought to -do, or believe, and redundant in what he ought -not,) when he first appeared in a Tub, or a thing -like a Pulpit, he was, (as he acknowledged) like -<em>Æsop’s</em> Jay, in a dress of borrowed Feathers, -preaching the Works of other men, which -must needs be the worse for coming out of his -defiled Mouth, as a Shirt worn by a polluted Body. -He mangled the modern Divines more barbarously, -than an Executioner a Traytors Body; not -forbearing to give old <em>Priscian</em> a knock on the -bald Crown. The height of his Eloquence consisted -in railing against Popery, calling Episcopacy -the Sister of the Whore of <em>Babylon</em>, running on -in his Preachment like a mad-Dog, foaming and -open-mouth’d, yelping at the Honourable Clergy -in general, and biting his Brethren the Sectaries, -whom he would have his Auditory believe are as -<span class='pageno' id='Page_164'>164</span>mad as himself; but having run himself out of -Breath, what a humming, and a spitting there was, -and by the blowing his Nose, made many a filthy -Parenthesis; having concluded his Sermon, -he Prayed, shutting his eyes, and would rather -utter non-sence, and tautologis, than use any studied -Form. All being finished, he steals out demurely -out of the Meeting-house with his Sword -by his side (a Captain and an Independent) and -though he neither obeyed Christs Commission, or -wore his Livery, yet would be accounted one of his -Menial Servants. Being got out, one would thank -him for the great pains he took; another invited him -to Dinner; a third, a fourth, fifth, letting them all -alone till the tenth made his proffer: at last, where -he thought he should have the best entertainment, -there he would express the acceptance of the proffer. -He could not go amiss for his Supper; and to -retaliate their kindness, before the Cloth was laid, -he would bestow on them a sleeping Prayer of an -hour and half, most commonly proportioning the -time to that of Supper-dressing. Certainly his design -therein was like the Scribes and Pharisees, -who had never been condemned for long Prayers, -had they not been used as so many Graces before -their cursed Meals of Orphans Estates, and Widows -Houses. He endeavoured to make his interest good -among the Females, knowing how prevalently -powerful they are commonly over their Husbands -Inclinations, which he practised with so much -craft and cunning; first possessing them strongly -with a good esteem of his Holy Life and Conversation, -that they verily believed one word of -his would either Saint them or Reprobate them, -when he pleased; which he perceiving, resolved -<span class='pageno' id='Page_165'>165</span>to play the Gypsy with them, telling good fortunes -to none, but such as crost his hand with a -piece of Silver; that is to say, in private Meetings -and Conferences, having occasion to speak of such, -and such, it lay in his power then to say that such -a one to his knowledge is a precious Saint, a constant -hearer of the word, having an excellent gift -in Prayer, or such a one is lately fallen, she is -started aside into the by-paths of Sin and Iniquity, -<em>&c.</em> So that you see by Him, as well as by the -Pope, the People might be canoniz’d for Money.</p> - -<p class='c012'>But imagining this Faction was not so powerful, -nor encouraging as the <em>Anabaptists</em>; and <a id='corr165.13'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='finding that that'>finding that</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_165.13'><ins class='correction' title='finding that that'>finding that</ins></a></span> -the fading Gourds of his foolish hopes and expectations -of preferment began to wither; he in downright -terms fell about telling his Congregation, they -must be Re-baptized, or they must not hope for Salvation. -He was amongst the <em>Anabaptists</em> so long, till -(notwithstanding he was so highly cryed up for his -powerful teaching,) he had got seven young Sisters -with Child in less than a year, and it was shrudely -suspected that he had made four of his Brethren -Cuckolds. Therefore he was by the voice of the -whole Congregation excommunicated, and delivered -unto Satan. His hand being now in, he was resolved -to try all, till he might advance himself by -one. So that he might not be beholding to any. -In this juncture the good old Religion so long -raked up in the dust, began to shew its heavenly -countenance again, whose glorious light these -Owls and Batts durst not look upon.</p> - -<p class='c012'>It is observed, that it hath been the fashion to -wear yellow Ruffs; but after one Mrs. <em>Turner</em>, a -notoriously wicked Woman, was hang’d with one -of them about her neck, that Mode not only vanisht, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_166'>166</span>but became shamefully ridiculous; So -this our Hypocrite seeing so many of his Brethren -(who had poysoned more with their Doctrines, -than Mrs. <em>Turner</em> with her Potions) go to the -Gallows wearing the Liveries of a Sectarian, -thought it more eligible to turn Cat in the Pan, -and become an <em>A la mode</em> Episcopalian, than let -the fowl Fiend play the Hobgoblin with him, as -he had done many, tumbling such in the Mire, who -lately sat in the Saddle, tossing others till their -necks were broken, and crippling others both in -their Estates and Opinions.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c002'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><em>Down with all such, let them no longer stand,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Base</em> Caterpillars <em>that consum’d the</em> Land,</div> - <div class='line'><em>Who rent the Common-prayer-book and Lawn-sleeves,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>And made the</em> house of God a den of Theeves,</div> - <div class='line'><em>And may the Sacred Pulpit e’re be free,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>From such</em> Quack-salvers <em>in</em> Divinity.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>Every one knowing how great a Changling this -fellow was in Religion, no body believed a word -that he said; nor would either trust or imploy -him upon any account whatsoever; so that he was -necessitated to take this course, or do worse, by -adding one more to the number of <em>Barbadoes</em> Inhabitants; -neither did he want a Volunteer -abroad, upon the same design, a lusty young -sprightly fellow, a Man both of wit and courage, -though of slender Fortunes, and calls himself,</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><span class='pageno' id='Page_167'>167</span><em>A Souldier of Fortune</em>.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>He was well born, and gentilely educated, who -lived in a pamper’d condition till the age of seventeen; -at which time his Father dying, the Estate -fell to the Elder Brother, who mounting into his -Fathers (yet warm) seat, could not conceal his -<em>Turkish</em> cruel disposition against his Brethren; -yet though the Law held his hands from cutting -off their Heads, his austere countenance, and -severe carriage towards them, did notwithstanding -cut off their hopes from ever expecting more -than barely what their Father left them in Money. -Two hundred Pounds was this Gentlemans Portion, -who returning it to <em>London</em>, soon followed after, -where equipping himself suitable to the <em>Grandeur</em> -of the Place, and Gallantry of the Persons he came -acquainted with; he spent his time in things so -agreeable to his constitution, that his thoughts -never climb’d any other Heaven, than this his -imaginary one, which he wisht might ever continue. -He scattered his Money apace, and how -could he otherwise; for his Exchange was a Tavern, -his Lodging a Brothel; his <em>Hide-park</em>, a -Gaming Ordinary, his Study, a Play-house; his -Associates, Bully Ruffins; his Mistresses, Courtezana’s; -had his constant attendants, Pimps, Parasites, -Spongers, Wheedlers, and such like. The -Devil’s in them all, if one was not enough to impoverish -a Mint, or drain a Silver-mine, though it -reacht to the Centre of the Earth.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>By this you may imagine his two hundred Pounds -could not last long; his Hangers on perceiving his -Money was at the last gasp, fell off, being loath -to see so dear a friend depart. He was now left -<span class='pageno' id='Page_168'>168</span>Moneyless, and Friendless, and, what came nearest -his heart, he was jeared, and flouted by such -he had formerly liberally expended on. As he -past the streets, he hath heard his old Comrades -say one to the other: <em>There goes such a one, shall -we call him, and drink a Glass of Wine together? -No, no, let him go, pox on him: he hath not a Penny -in his Pocket to bless himself withall; he had Money -once, but like a Fool, he could not keep it</em>; -which made him often repeat this true saying of -the Poet;</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c002'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>Non habet infœlix paupertas durius in se</em></span></div> - <div class='line'><span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>Quam quod ridiculos homines facit——</em></span></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>Were it not for that, Poverty is a property we -might pride in; nor would the Philosopher voluntarily -have Shipwrakt his Fortunes, but that he -might purchase thereby that glorious Motto; -<span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>Omnia mea mecum porto</em></span>. <em>Dioclesian</em> so great an -Emperor, that <em>Lætus</em> parallels him with <em>Jupiter</em>; -nay, he allow’d himself to be call’d Lord, and God, -and would be sued unto, as a God; but having -at last tryed sufficiently the vanity of his own -vain-glory, he freely without compulsion, laid -aside his Empire, and returned to a private life; -being sollicited afterwards by several to resume -his former Power, and Glory, he absolutely refus’d -it, saying, <em>Did you see the Herbs set with my -own hands in my Garden at</em> Salona, <em>you would -think me too good a Gardner, to become a miserable -Emperour</em>.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>There was nothing grated on his Spirit more -than to be slighted in this his low condition, by -<span class='pageno' id='Page_169'>169</span>such as he had supported from sinking into the -Earth: and that he might not longer be afflicted -in this manner, he projected several wayes, how -might imploy himself in something, that might -remove him from the scorn and reproach of the -world. His credit was quite worn out, owing -something in all the Taverns and Ale-houses that -he was acquainted withal, through the whole City, -and would have ran farther in their Debt, but that -they not only hindred him from so doing, but -likewise threatned him, by taking a course for what -he owed already. This made him remove his -Quarters to another remote quarter of the City. -His Cloaths were so good as that they gained him -credit for a Months Lodging and Dyet, in which -time, he wrote several Ballads, which he sold in -the <em>Old Bailey</em>, getting for the worst half a Crown -or three shillings; but his Chapmen finding themselves -losers by his works, did so revile and vilifie -him the next time they saw him, that he was resolved -to write no more, for it seems he had not -writ Non-sense enough to please the Commonalty; -he had taken too much pains to express his -wit, and that spoiled all; soaring so high, the -dim sighted vulgar could not discern him.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>One day walking abroad Melancholy to think -his first design was frustrated, he fell accidentally -into the company of four or five, so unsuitably -or antickly habited, that he verily thought -they could not have cloathed themselves more out -of fashion, than if for so doing, they had consulted -all the Brokers in <em>Long-lane</em>, or <em>Houns-ditch</em>. -At length by their toning of several scraps of Plays, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_170'>170</span>and the whining out of Lovers parts, he judged -them to be Players of the worst Edition, and that -wanting some to compleat their number, they endeavoured -to perswade him to make one of their -Stroling Company.</p> - -<p class='c012'>They needed not many words to perswade one, -that knew not what to do with himself; wherefore, -he readily consented to their propositions. Viewing -them well, and their Habits, he absolutely concluded, -that their Company had been lately broken, -and that they had shared house-hold-stuff, -every one taking what he could lay his hands on -of the Properties, (though very improper to wear -publickly) with which, necessity since hath forc’d -them to cover their own nakedness. However, he -was resolv’d to go through, with what he promised, -and so calling for what was to pay, being one -and twenty pence among them all, they made a -hard shift to pay the shot within three half-pence, -and so marcht off. They provided him a lodging, -where they all lay that night, and the next -morning, their undertaker came, who summoning -them all into a large Room, there appeared -also three or four Women, who with the rest -rehearsed their parts in <em>Actæon</em> and <em>Diana</em>. After -rehersal the undertaker being informed what -our <em>Soldier of Fortune</em> was, came and saluted -him kindly, and welcom’d him into their Society, -and giving him his part to study, carried -him to the Tavern, with some of the three-quarter-sharers, -and made him drunk at his initiation.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>Having studied <em>Actæon</em> and <em>Diana</em>, <em>Jack Swabber</em>, -<em>Simkin in the Chest</em>, <em>Miles the Miller</em>, <em>Simpleton -the Smith</em>, with divers other drolling farces, away -<span class='pageno' id='Page_171'>171</span>they strolled into the Countrey, some in a -Coach (by reason of the Properties they carried -with them,) others on Foot of the meaner sort, -and some on Horseback; had the most intelligent -met them, it would have puzzled him to -have told what they were. The first thing they -did when they came to a Town, was to acquaint -the Mayor thereof with their intent, producing -their Patent which authoriz’d them. Having the -grant of the Mayor, most commonly they were -permitted the Town-Hall to play in. At first, -commonly they had usually such great audiences, -and got so much Money, that it undid them, for -it made them insolent, idle, careless, always -drunk and continually quarrelling, so that the -Town and Countrey growing weary of them, -their poverty also made them weary of the Town. -The next place they came at, it may be, there -they would endeavour to regulate those disorders; -but no sooner were they flusht, but they -fell into the like confused Chaos. There was seldom -a Rehearsal in the morning, in which there -was not some scuffle; sometimes altogether by -the ears, all engaged in a Quarrel, but none -knowing the cause of it. Their differences most -commonly did arise from ones exalting his own -worth, by the undervaluing anothers, saying that -such a one had a greater share than he, though -he deserved more; that such a fellow had a -noble part, when he had that of a Servant, -whereas he better merited to be a Prince, than -the other a Foot-Boy; <em>Damn me</em>, said another, -that Fellow that speaks now hath no Soul; a -Parrot would be taught to speak better, and understand -more than he; a Baboon treads a Stage -a thousand degrees beyond him; See but yonder -<span class='pageno' id='Page_172'>172</span>Horse-fac’d Lover, is he fit to act that part with -that hunting face of his? it is enough without -the help of a Vizard to fright his Mistress into -Convulsion fits, or make a young Woman miscarry, -that hath not half gone her time. If reviling -one another would not put them together -by the ears, there was another expedient would -infallibly do it. There was one well stricken -in years, yet far more amorous or salacious than -the younger, and when she found not her accustomed -pleasures, she judg’d that one of those -three, had stoll them from her; when jealousie -had possest her of that Opinion, she ne’re capitulated -with them otherwise, than with her -hands, which she used so nimbly together with -the nails, that had not black Patches been in -Fashion, I know not how without shame they -could have played. The Men on the other side, -being known Rivals to one another, could not -forbear shewing their animosities, (as their parts -permitted them) one being run into the hand, -another through the Arm, making a real Tragedy -of what was but pretended. Their Stock -of Clothes was very small so that a Parson was -forc’d to Act in a Loyars Gown, instead of one -that was Canonical; a Bishop, with a Shepherds -Crook, instead of a Crozier, and a Cushion so -dented, that the Corners might be more perspicuous, -instead of a Miter; they wanted a Target, -and knew not what to do, at last, the invention of -one of the wittiest, helpt them to a large Wooden -Tray, and nailing a piece of Tape to the sides -within, served rarely well. The Actors were few, -wherefore some Acted three or four parts, nay -one Acted two parts at once upon the Stage, the -King, and the Nobleman; when as a Nobleman -<span class='pageno' id='Page_173'>173</span>in a long mourning Cloak, (for they could get -nothing else, that could nearer represent him by) -he spake to an <em>Indian</em> Gown that lay in a Chair, -with a Past-board Crown that lay upon it, all bedawbed -with yellow, (and I know not what Colours) -by a Countrey Sign-Painter, to make it -look like. Having ended his Speech, he threw -off the long Cloak, and putting on the Crown -and Gown, he then as a King returned an answer -to the Cloak, I mean the Nobleman, making a -many changes, till the conference was over. The -Nobleman <em>i. e.</em> the Cloak, being taken off the -Stage, that is, having made his <em>exit</em>, it was the -Kings Cue to seat himself a while, to give audience -to a person, that had great concerns with -his Majesty, whole Speech being long and his -memory treacherous, he had not gone a quarter -through his Speech, but that he was irrecoverably -out, past all prompting; the King not knowing -how to help, and the audience eagerly expecting -his going on, at last it came into his head, -ingenuously to tell him that he had heard enough, -he would hear the rest within, by which means -the Play went on.</p> - -<p class='c012'>One Market-day, (which was the chief time -they pitcht on) they Acted a Play, (by the invitation -of some Gentlemen in a Tavern,) in which -there were two which fought on the stage, which -were supposed Clowns, and were to baste one -another to some purpose. A Countrey Gentleman -being there present, and having never seen -a play, but this Acted once before, and seeing -them fight again in the same manner, as they had -done before, steps hastily down stairs, and bringing -up a Bottle of Wine in his hand, interposes -between them; telling them they should not thus -<span class='pageno' id='Page_174'>174</span>bear a grudge one to the other, but that they -should be friends; and to that end he had brought -a Bottle of Wine, that they should shake hands, -and drink to each other, and would not stir, off -the place, till he had seen them so do, and go -too, off a several way. That Scene was spoyled, -however they played on, and coming to the third -Scene in the fourth Act, these Fellows were to -enter again; the Gentleman seeing them together, -and facing each other, ran from his seat to -them again; swearing that he that gave the first -blow, should beat him too; <em>What</em>, said he, <em>cannot -we be quiet here, but you two Logger-heads must -spoil the Play</em>? This put the whole audience -into such laughter and confusion, that the Play -was forced to be deferred till another days action.</p> - -<p class='c012'>They staid not long in a place, the People being -tired with such costly novelties as they call’d -them, which made them ramble every where. -Coming to <em>York</em>, they had the same success at -first, as they found else where, but had like to -have been scared out of their wits. For one day -acting a Play, wherein the King of <em>Scots</em> was to -be murdered barbarously by his Subjects, and -having intimation of the suddain coming of the -Assassinates, condoled his own unhappy Fate, and -condemns the treachery of his Subjects proceedings; -is there no hope of Life, is there never a -true Scot, that now dares stand by me? A Scot -there present, seeing the murderers come in -with their drawn Swords, cryed out, <em>there is -one left still, my neen sel, yar een Country-man. -Let the Deel fill my wem with smaw steans, if -I make not the Loons eat my Sward as smaw -as</em> Saunies <em>durch</em>. And thereupon drew his -<span class='pageno' id='Page_175'>175</span>broad Sword, and at them he came as desperately -resolved, as if they had been real enemies; and -notwithstanding the King intreated him to be -patient, he grew more furious, and would have -prosecuted them to death, had not his supposed -Majesty held him in his arms, till they had made -their escape. Not long after this they were invited -to act at a Gentlemans house in the Countrey, -where they acted their parts so badly, by -stealing several pieces of Plate, that some of them -had like to have acted their last; Our Soldier of -Fortune fearing by their ends, he might come to -his last, fled away privately to <em>London</em>; where he -betook himself to his Pen again, altering the -Scene of his former design. Observing what large -encouragement some received from their Dedications, -he resolved to make tryal of scribling too: -the first that he wrote was indifferently well -accepted of, it being an <em>Hodge podge</em> of Translation, -Transcription, Collection, and his own Composition; -he Dedicating it to a Person of Quality, -was largely rewarded; had he stuck here he had -done well, but being infected with the base ingratitude -of Mercenary Scriblers, he presented -his Book to at least twenty more, with the same -Dedication, the name onely altered, which brought -him into so great dis-esteem amongst such as would -have been his constant Benefactors, that ever -after they would never accept of his Presentations.</p> - -<p class='c012'>And now poor Gentleman, not knowing what -to do, walking melancholy in the <em>New Exchange</em>, -he took special notice of a young Trader, who -eyed him as much, as he her (for he was a handsom -proper young man, and had cloaths on -his back, a Gentleman needed not to be ashamed -<span class='pageno' id='Page_176'>176</span>to wear,) they gazed at each other a pretty while -at a distance, but Love quickly brought them -nearer together. For having money in his Pocket, -he approacht the Shop with a Pretence to buy -some Linnen, where having seen some of several -sorts, he bought some, the better to engage her -in a discourse. He askt her whether she was -single, and whether that was her Shop? she -answered, she was married, and therefore had -nothing she could call her own. <em>How Madam</em>, -(said he) <em>I cannot doubt but that you have many -Virtues, which you may justly call your own; you -have Beauty too, and admirable outward parts</em>. I -thank your good opinion, <em>Sir</em>, (said she) but I -look upon her as unworthy to deserve the name -of an owner, that either cannot, or durst not give -what is in her possession; <em>though you cannot give, -Madam, yet you may so dispose of that beautious -mirrour of your Sex, your Face, or what else you -have, as that the frequent loan thereof, may be -esteemed equal to the gift</em>. She was quick of apprehension, -and understood his drift, and though -she answered him not, yet her smiles shewed a -sufficient satisfaction to his amorous discourse, -and her blushes bid him do if he durst. To be -short, he won her so absolutely to himself, in a -little time, that she had nothing in her Power, -which she did not freely give him, till her Husband -had almost nothing left, and suspecting the -infidelity of his Wife, watcht her so narrowly, -that her Enamorato enjoyed her rarely, and seldomer -had his wants supplyed.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>Now was he forced to look out again, but it -was not long before he was informed of a Maid -<span class='pageno' id='Page_177'>177</span>that was very well to pass in the world, somewhat -ancient, and had she not had some few natural -deformities, she had never lived a Maid so long, -for she was long-nos’d, thin lipt, beetle-brow’d, -short neckt, bunch-backt, and hopper-arst. This -dismaid not him, knowing she had Mony to make -all good; and so with a little Court-ship; (she -being already ravisht to think, (her hopes of marrying -having long since taken leave of her,) she -should be joyned to a young man, and a handsome -man to;) I say the Marriage was quickly -hudled up: I did not hear they had many quarrels -the first week; but not many weeks past -over their heads, before his extravagancy, and -her covetousness, could not agree. Besides, she -grew intolerable jealous, (as most do who are -conscious of their own imperfections,) and shewed -so many of her damned qualities, that he lived a -hellish life with her; had he not been a fool, he -might have known before what she was.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>She had better been quiet, for the more unquietly -he lived at home, the more jocundly he -spent abroad; till in fine he spent all, so that he -resolved to leave her, and return to his former -Mistress, who is now aboard, I mean</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><em>The New-Exchange-Girl</em>.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>She was born in <em>Lancashire</em>, and coming up to -<em>London</em> with the Carrier to get a Service, it was -ten to one she had not been pickt up by some -Bawd, they continually laying wait at all the -Inns in the Town, for the coming up of handsome -<span class='pageno' id='Page_178'>178</span>Girles. It was the hap of a Semstress in the -<em>New-Exchange</em> to meet with her: and seeing her -to have a well featured, and well coloured Countenance, -took so great a liking to her, that she -took her home with her. She knew well enough -what she did, being not ignorant, that a handsome -young Girl in a Shop, will attract as many -Beauty hunters to her shop, as sweet things will -draw Flies to a Confectioners Stall. She had -not lived long with her Mistress, but as she was -envyed by her Neighbouring Apprentices, so she -was admired and courted by many of the Gallants -of that end of the Town. Her Mistress, who found -the sweetness of the incomes of her new-come Servant -gave her much more liberty, and countenance, -than she had done any before, cloathing her in -as good a habit, as might become such an excellent -Face, and the Esteem that Gentlemen of -Quality had for it.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>She had by this time purged her self of the -barbarisms and impurities of the English tongue, -by the daily converse she had with the Ladies, -and Gallants of the Court, and had learnt -<em>decorums</em> in Carriage, as well as elegancies in -Language. Her Mistress was much too blame in -suffering her to wait upon Gentlemen at their -Chambers, with Shirts, Sleeves, Cravats, <em>&c.</em> -though it is customary, yet dangerous to those -that would preserve their Honour. By which -means she had so many temptations offered to -her, that the like would have taken in the <em>Maiden -Fortress</em> of a <em>Vestal Votaress</em>. They courted her with -those Golden-Showers, which infallibly conquer, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_179'>179</span>(having <em>Jove</em> for their President) no wonder then -if she yielded to her overcomers.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>This still brought in more Grists to her Mistresses’s -Mill who gave her good Council to have -a care of the Temptations of the Flesh; but she -could discern by her Eyes her advice came too -late: and knowing that Trade would not last -long, gave her in a manner her own freedom, asking -her leave, when she went abroad; but yet -her Mistress was not such a Fool, but she knew -well enough to whom she granted liberty to go -abroad with her Servant; good Customers you -may be sure. There was not a day hardly past, -but she was Coacht; but at length she hackney’d -it so long, that she got an ambling Nagg. Being -recovered, she scorn’d to be dismaid for one hard -bargain, but ventured at it again, and again; and -now she was grown to that pass, she cared not, but -cryed, <em>Clap that Clap can</em>, bearing in among them, -firing Gun for Gun.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>Her Mistress having reapt the utmost of her Harvest, -advised her to keep in till she was well, and -being so, make the best and quickest advantage -she might of getting a Husband, for she told her, -that she must stay with her no longer, she being -so great a scandal to her Profession. My young -Gentlewoman was over-ruled, courted, and a little -after married, about two years before our <em>Souldier -of Fortune</em> came acquainted with her, he -now re-inforces his suit, and tells her withal, if -she will be ruled by him, they should both march -off together, it was agreed on, that she should observe -her opportunity, and take what Money and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_180'>180</span>Goods of her Husbands she could, and come to -him; which accordingly she did: and now being -both glad, that the one should be freed from a -cross grain’d impotent Husband: and the other -from a jealous deformed, ill condition’d Wife, they -both went to the West of <em>England</em>, not intending -then to leave the Kingdom; but finding a -Ship ready to Sail for <em>Barbadoes</em>; and judging -themselves not secure, till they got thither, or to -some other forreign Plantation, they resolved to -go, carrying Money enough to pay their passage, -and Goods to live ashore on.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>But let me not forget my promise, but give you -an account of the rest in order; the next are,</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><em>Two Button-makers</em>.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>They are hardly worth taking notice of, and -therefore I shall not much trouble my self about -them. They were brought up in <em>London</em>, and -therefore they were capable of driving a Trade -in the Countrey: and indeed they were forced to -make that their refuge or Sanctuary. For in the -place aforesaid, they were known to be such notorious -Night-walkers, and Pick Pockets (for -which they had been so often in those two famous -Universities, <em>Newgate</em> and <em>Bridewell</em>,) that they -resolved to go elsewhere: making choice of <em>Excester</em>, -a place so remote from their former habitation -and acquaintance, that they assured themselves -of a new credit, amongst a People so -altogether unknown to them.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>There they took a Chamber, (lying together) -<span class='pageno' id='Page_181'>181</span>and went for two Sisters; the noise of two <em>London</em> -Button-makers coming down to inhabit in -that City, quickly reacht the ears of the Shopkeepers -therein, and that word, <em>London</em> carried -so great a sway, and esteem with it, that they -were presently imployed, and had much work a -days. A young Mercer, newly set up, fell in love -with one of them, and prosecuted his Suit so -closely, that though with much difficulty (she -giving him many repulses to make him the more -eager in the pursuit), yet he at length obtained his -desires, and so fond he was of his enjoyments, -that his business must needs lie at six and sevens, -since, all the day after, he imployed his time in -the Company. She like a Cunningham, at last -fearing the Proverb will prove true, (<em>Hot love -grows soon cold</em>,) she pretended herself with Child, -which in two Months time grew so monstrously -fast, that he must believe what his eyes saw so -apparently. His Breech made Buttons too now, -and not knowing how to save his Reputation, he -consulted his best wits again, and again; at length -found this the only expedient to preserve his endangered -credit, that is, to give her a good sum of -Mony, with which he might perswade her to remove -into the Countrey. He propounded this to her, (and -although she was ready to leap out of her skin to see -her Design take so good effect,) yet she would give -no hearing to it, but falling on her knees, beg’d that -he would save hers, and his own Reputation, by -making her an honest Woman, that is, marrying -her: if he would not condescend to that, she would -admit of no other terms, but what sudden death -should make her the overture of.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Some days he spent in perswading her; getting her -<span class='pageno' id='Page_182'>182</span>good will; he gave her a sum of Money to accommodate -her lying Inn, in the Country; giving a -good part to her Comrade, and ordering her to -stay till her return, which should be speedy; she -took leave of her Lover, as if she had been doing -the like to her Soul going a Voyage to the other -world. But she was no sooner out of sight, but -she re-assumed her former jolly temper; coming -to an Inn (where she was to lie that night) <em>she -there miscarried of a Cushon</em>. To carry on her -project with the least suspition, the next day she -went for <em>Bristol</em>, where staying four or five days to -recreate her self, and see the curiosities of that City, -she removed to another, from thence to a third, -fourth, and fifth, only to prolong time, that she -might not be suspected on her return. Six weeks -being expired, she shap’t her course homewards, -where being arrived, she found her Comrade had -not been idle, but had imployed those hands she -sate on to a very good advantage.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>Her Lover hearing of her return played least in -sight; and although he heard that she had cast her -Colt, yet would not come nigh her, for fear of paying -as dearly for his pleasures, as he had done before; -and so resolved to acquit her for ever. Yet his -forsaking her did not hinder other Visitants. To conclude, -they had cheated so many with the pretence -of being with Child, that the younger-Fry were -afraid to come near them, being lookt upon by -the Town, no other than a Couple of subtle Trapans. -Their Trade thus miserably decaying, they -resolved to try what effects Night-walking would -produce. So stroling about one evening, with their -white Aprons spread as a Flagg of Truce, they -<span class='pageno' id='Page_183'>183</span>walkt a long time before they could meet with -any fit for the purpose; in short, when it was grown -late, they met with a Gentleman coming out of a -Tavern, more than half drunk, whom they pickt up, -the bargain was quickly struck, and into an Entry -they went, one of the Sisters standing at door as -a Centinal; at length (quoth she within) <em>Good Sir, -let me go, the Watch is coming</em>; which he hearing, -stept nimbly into the street, because he would not -be found with Females in so suspected a place; -casting his head about, he perceiving his two -Wenches make more than ordinary haste, he presently -suspected that they had shew’d his Pockets -foul Play; wherefore putting his Hands therein, -found his Watch missing, he straightways ran after -them, and just overtook them as he met with -the Watch, by whom they were secured, and being -searcht, the Watch was found; the next day -they were carried before a justice, who upon Examination, -finding them guilty, committed them -to Gaol. At the Sizes, such a general complaint -(besides this theft) came in against them by the -sober Citizens, for debauching and ruinating their -Servants, that they were both sentenced to be -transported. The same Sizes was doom’d another -after the same manner, and for the same -practice, whom whosoever marries, hath got a wife -with a treble Trade, a Whore, a Thief, and a -Stockin-mender; but fearing lest if I handle her, I -shall offend your Noses, I shall pass her by, and -present your Nostrils with the perfume of</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><span class='pageno' id='Page_184'>184</span><em>An Orange-Wench</em>.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'><em>Fair Oranges,——Fine Lemmons</em>, a cunning -Slut, who by a fifteen years practice, had got -her trade to her fingers end! She used that cry in the -streets of <em>London</em> at first, to get her a livelihood; -but her Face had so cryed her up, that her Gallants -would have decryed her Trade, as too mean -a thing for her to follow; but she would not be -perswaded to it, fearing she should be abridged of -her Liberty. For whilst she had the liberty of -roving every where, she had the priviledge and -freedom to go boldly into a Tavern, where she -not only sold her Ware, but had the convenience -to truck for a Commodity of another sort. She -was witty, and very well furnisht with a drolling -Common-Place-Book, out of which she could suit -any merry discourse whatsoever. By which means -her company was so generally coveted, that she -could not pass the streets, but that some or other -out of a Tavern-Window would call her up, who -would empty her Basket, fill her skin with Wine, -only that they might make some sport with her. -A wealthy old Widower, an Ale-house-keeper, -knowing how generally she was belov’d, cared -not much to be made a Cuckold, so that he could -but increase his Trade, which he knew he should -do, if he married her, which he did by a very -expensive <a id='corr184.18'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='Courtstip'>Courtship</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_184.18'><ins class='correction' title='Courtstip'>Courtship</ins></a></span>, she not caring if he had spent -every groat.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>She lived with him some years, in which time -they had got a world of Money, the house being -seldom full before, but since her coming thither, -always filled for her sake. The old fooll (having -<span class='pageno' id='Page_185'>185</span>gotten enough) began now to dote on her, and grew -so jealous, that he could not abide to see her in any -company that was younger than himself, which -she not enduring, made up a good Purse of Money, -and went into <em>Yorkshire</em>, where attiring her -self like Widow, every one believed that she was so, -and behaved her self so generously in all her deportments, -that she soon had Suiters of good quality -swarming about her. She was so crafty, that -she never countenanced those, who had ever made -the least scruple by enquiring what she was, whence -she came, what she had, <em>&c.</em> but scorning such enquiries, -would sometimes frankly say, when many -of them were together; <em>Gentlemen, I wonder you -should busie your selves about me, I trouble you not, -therefore trouble not me; I intend to borrow no -Money of you, and leave an Estate mortgaged for -the payment; I have enough, and will lend you -some upon good Security, if that you come for</em>. An -old stale Batchellor (a Semi-Usurer) hearing this, -strikes in with her, tell her he had Money -enough too, (which she had heard before) and that -if she pleased to make a scrutiny into the truth -thereof, she might; however he would not question -her Estate, but be very well contented, if -she had no more than what was on her back; -she desired some time to consider on so weighty -a matter as Marriage was; not considering before -what it meant, however she was alotted a very -good Husband, and should she now marry a -worse, it would be her hearts-breaking. He promised -her every thing so fair, that it cleared up -all her doubts, and so they joyned together in a -Matrimonial tye.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The Husband she left in <em>London</em>, was not only -<span class='pageno' id='Page_186'>186</span>Horn-mad, but stark-mad for the loss of his -Wife, and so diligent he was in the search of her, -that like <em>Scoggin</em>, looking for a Hare in the -Roof of a House leaded, so he sought her not -only in places probable, but as unlikely to find -her. His enquiry was so indefatigable, that -at length he heard that she was in <em>Yorkshire</em>, and -was informed of the place wherein she was. -Over joy’d at the news, he immediately takes -horse, and rides away towards her, resolving -to forgive her whatever she had done, if she -would return with him, not knowing she was -married.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The old man came just to Town as it was her hap -to look out at the window; she knew him streight, -and was ready to drop down dead, to think what -would be become of her; but a Womans wit, -which is alwayes best at a push, prompted her -to call hastily for her Husband, who running to -her; <em>What is the matter</em>, said he? <em>O Husband</em>, -said she, <em>Do you see yonder Man on Horse-back? -Yes, yes</em>, he replyed; <em>then pray thee Sweet-heart -run quickly and dog him where he Inns; and having -so done, return with all the speed you can possibly</em>: -never did Foot-boy dispatch a Ladies errand -speedier than he; and being returned; <em>Now my -dear</em>, said she, <em>I will tell thee how happily things -fall out; as I was looking out of that window, I -saw that man you dogg’d, I have not seen him these -five years before, he was indebted to my husband -in the sum of 300</em>l. <em>the Money hath been -due long since, and not yet paid, it is thine -now, go instantly and arrest him at thine own -Suit, I will prove the Debt, his name is ———</em> -This obedient Coxcomb performed what his Wife -desired him to do: This Brother Starling of his being -<span class='pageno' id='Page_187'>187</span>not acquainted in the place, and not being able -to produce Bail, was constrained to go to Prison, -where we leave him, vowing and protesting he -neither knew the Man, nor ever owed in all his -life half the sum. In the mean time our <em>Orange-woman</em> -had perswaded her Husband to give her -leave to go to <em>London</em> with all speed and fetch -the Bond she had left in a friends hand, and if -need required, bring the Witness down; <em>there is -no fear Husband,</em> said she, <em>of the Money, for his -Estate consists solely in that, imploying it in buying -Cattle in</em> Ireland, <em>and transporting them into</em> England; -<em>I have laid wait for him many and many a -time, but never could meet with so happy an opportunity</em>.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>Her Husband poor credulous Gentleman, believed -every word she said, and consented to her -motion, with much alacrity. The next day the -Stage Coach was to set forth, so he went streight -and bespake a place, whilst she had fixt every -thing for her next dayes journey. That night, -when her Husband was fast asleep, she took the -Key of his Closet out of his Pocket, and opening -it, she unlockt a Cabinet, and took thence a hundred -pieces of old Gold, which had lain there -many a year undisturbed. In the morning by -time, after a great deal of seeming sorrow that -she should be thus necessitated to be absent from -her dearly beloved Husband, she entred the -Coach, and was quickly out of sight. At the first -Baiting-stage the Coach came at, she altered her -resolution of going for <em>London</em>, telling the Coachman, -she had extraordinary business some fifteen -miles out of the way, and that if he would drive -<span class='pageno' id='Page_188'>188</span>the Coach that way, she would reward him; he -told her it was impossible to be done, (which she -knew as well as himself), <em>But Madam,</em> said he, <em>you -have paid the Coach, and you may do as you please</em>.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>She hired a Horse presently, and a Man to ride -before her, and having rid till it was almost dark, -she caused her Man to make what haste he could -to the next Inn, pretending she was mistaken in -the length of the way. The next morning calling -for a Quart of Mull’d Sack, she drank to her Man, -making him very merry, and then told him, she -was resolved to go for <em>Chester</em>, having business of -greater moment to dispatch there first; so giving -him a Crown for his own pains, & half a Crown -a day, for so long as they should be out, the Fellow -was very glad of, knowing his Master would -be pleased with him for so doing. Coming there, -she dismissed the Fellow, and hearing there were -Ships ready to Sail, the next day she went to -<em>Holy-head</em>, and there imbarqu’d for <em>Dublin</em>.</p> - -<p class='c012'>How her two Husbands in her absence agreed -I know not; but she no sooner thought her self -secure in this strange Country, but she appear’d -as splendid in Apparel, as the greatest Court-gallant -of them all, and with a new Surname -Coacht it with the best of them, and marryed -again, (a thing too often practised there) and -lived so long there, till she had spent what her -Husband had gotten in many years labour; and -now when all was gone in a manner, she falls -into the acquaintance of a young huffing Blade, -who not daring to stay longer in <em>Ireland</em>, (by reason -of the many Debts he owed there) perswaded -her to go for <em>Bristol</em> with him, where she should -<span class='pageno' id='Page_189'>189</span>have what her heart could desire. Having a -greater love for his Person than she had a belief -to what he promised, she yielded; and without -trifling away time, put their purpose into present -practice. Being at Sea, they had like to have -split upon the Bishop and his twelve Clerks, -(Rocks so called lying to the Southward of <em>Wales</em>) -had she been there lost, any one that knew her -life and conversation, might have lookt on it as a -just Judgement, having abused and violated those -sacred Laws the Church hath injoyned her to -observe by her most detestable Polygamy. However, -they were hindred from putting into the -Port they were bound to, and instead thereof, -arrived at <em>Barnstable</em>; where in a little time after -their arrival, he growing weary of her, took every -Penny she had, not leaving her wherewithal to -discharge her Quarters. She was rightly served, -and may all such meet with punishments suitable -to their notorious practises. The fear of her Husband -knowing where she was, and the fulness of -her own temper together, (seeing she should be -thus outwitted) made her thus resolve the tryal -of retrieving her misfortune in a foreign adventure. -Almost on the same Basis or Ground-work -was founded the desperate resolution of our two -Crack’t Maiden-Servants. For the one was tollerably -handsome, and thought her self meat good -enough for her Master, or his Son; The latter of -which she liked best, but he fitted her not to her -liking; for having gotten her Maiden-head, (by -promising her Marriage) and with Child to boot, -marryed another; She being foolish, and having -no Friends to advise her how to compensate her -loss by suing him, she only took pet, put finger -in eye, and vow’d she would never see him; a -<span class='pageno' id='Page_190'>190</span>shrewd threat for one that was glad to be rid of -her. Her Companion with her knowing her resolution, -having staid to the age of near forty, and -not one so much as proffering to kiss her, (for indeed -had you seen her when she had drest her -self with all the advantages her utmost Art could -use, you must have turned your head aside,) I say -having lived thus long a Maid, (I dare swear for -her) and never expecting to have to do with any -Christian, she had some hopes that she might be -a subject fit enough for some barbarous Black -Diabolical Infidel, to get Cannibals upon.</p> - -<p class='c012'>And now having given you an account of what -Cattle we had aboard, except only what I have -purposely left to bring up the Reer, and they -are four</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><em>Common Prostitutes</em>.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>Not to describe them particularly, but all of -their Function in general; They are things of -prodigious strength, which is sufficiently manifested -in the ruin of the strongest Man, and back-sliding -of the wisest Man. I hardly know, or -have heard of any whom they have not stagger’d, -excepting <em>Job</em>, who firmly stood maugre the -Devil, and his Wife.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>In the faces of the common Traders by diligent -search, you may find some Raggs of over-worn -Beauty, like old Clothes in Brokers windows, -to make you believe that there are better -wares within; yet he that trades with -them, is like to have a bad bargain, for she -can sell him nothing but the Pox, or Repentance. -As for their upper parts, they are the Shops of -<em>Cupid</em>, and their lower parts are his Warehouse. -Length of time makes them turn Bank-rupts, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_191'>191</span>spoiling their Game by wrinckling their faces, -which paint must rectify, but so hardly, that with -all their black Spots and Patches they look but -like a rusty Gamon of Bacon stuck with Cloves, -scarce so beautiful, but not half so savoury; coming -to this Age, she is like a rotten stick, only fit -to kindle green ones. In short, they are a loathsome -stinking Carreon, too unclean to enter into -Heaven, too diseased to continue longer on Earth; -the shame and stain of her Sex, the scorn of wise-men, -and utter ruine of fools. These two Brase -of Whores were taken up at <em>Excester</em> upon the -like account as the former Females were, for -Whoring, Filching, and debauching, and so suffered -the same doom with the rest. That famous -City since it had a name, had never been so pester’d -before with such a brood of Cockatrices. It -is true, your <em>London</em> Doxies will go down into -the Countrey sometimes for their pastime, with -their Cullyes, but when ere they come, it is but -a touch and away, but these deluding and destroying -<em>Syrens</em>, staid so long, till they were ready -to spawn, and had not their own too publick Roguery -detected them, they in a little time longer -might have infected half the Countrey.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Our Master having intelligence of this brave -booty, rode to <em>Exeter</em>, where agreeing for this -parcel of Cattle, he took them all down with him -to <em>Barnstable</em>, shipping them immediatly upon his -arrival; not long after my Rogueship (being nipt -in the Bud of my Roguish designs, my forwards -prancks shewing what a dangerous fellow I -might prove if I were let alone to grow up in -them,) was committed to the custody of the Master -of the Ship, to carry me with the rest to some remote -<span class='pageno' id='Page_192'>192</span>place far enough distant from <em>England</em>, -that it might not be disturbed with the noise -of our lewd and vitious Practises. I had not -been many hours among them, before I began -to take special notice of my new Comrades, and -not many dayes e’re I drew such remarkable observations -from them all, as to give you this account -of them, the major part whereof is the extract -of their own confessions; and now I shall -proceed as to our Voyage.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c004'>CHAP. XII.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><em>He is made a Cabbin-Boy, and shews what is the -duty thereof; A pleasant drunken encounter between -Himself, little Miss, and two other supposed -Rivals; his Crime, and Punishment. He returns -for</em> England, <em>and coming to</em> Graves end, -<em>he discovers a notable trick of a Justice in discovering -one that usually stole his Wood; Also, an -incomparable Adventure of a young Woman, -and himself in one Hammock together.</em></p> - -<p class='drop-capa0_4_0_7 c011'>Never had <em>villanous Exiles</em> such a fair Passage -as we had, and to speak the truth, though -nothing could have daunted me, yet the calmness -of the Sea, and the clearness of the weather, did -very much encourage me to be a Sea-man. My -Master was a very facetious merry man, and one -of no mean understanding, who seeing the freeness -of my jocular humour, did not hinder the -care of his business, he acknowledged to have a -benefit in me, which few others received from -<span class='pageno' id='Page_193'>193</span>their Servants, not only injoying my labour and -pains taking, but receiving a divertisement -in the execution thereof. I waited on my Master -diligently, swabb’d his Cabbin daily, made his -Bed, cleansed the House of Office often, and who so -ready as I to fetch the Victuals abaft, and -above all things minded my Masters ringing the -Bell, as it was my duty, so it was my discretion -and prudence; for had I at any time been playing -the Rogue out of hearing the Bell, if it rang -in that interval, I was assuredly drubb’d; for -faults of a higher nature, I was laid over a Gun -and lasht, or tyed by the Thumbs, and whipt with -a Cat of Nine Tails.</p> - -<p class='c012'>My lodging was in the Steerage near the Bulkhead, -that I might be ready and within hearing: -And though I was so very a Rogue ashore, yet I -was a man of credit aboard, for my Master trusted -me with all the choice comforts which concerned -his Life, committing to my charge his -Wines, both <em>Spanish</em> and <em>French</em>, with Brandy, -and several cordial Waters, Sugar, all sorts of -Spices; Tobacco, and what not, expedient for -long Voyage. Such regard he had of me, that -he taught me to Write, and Cypher, which for so -short a time I understood so well, as I became -the wonder of every one in the Ship; seeing me -so forward, he did put me on the copying of his -Journals, taught me how to take off the Log, to -take the height of the Sun at twelve a Clock, by -which we know what Latitude we are in; the -knowledge of these things I gained not under -three or four Voyages, but in this first expedition -I could run up to the Maintop, and furl a Sail, -though in a stress of Weather.</p> - -<p class='c012'>I minded so much my business, that I seldom -<span class='pageno' id='Page_194'>194</span>visited any of the Passengers I formerly described, -and had almost forgot my little <em>Miss</em>, but perceiving -my Masters former kindness to them, was -converted into harsh and rough usage, tumbling -them like Dogs into the Hold, when sometimes -they offered to come upon the Decks to Air -themselves, I could not but pity them; and to -Buoy up their Spirits, I would frequently give -them a Dram, to be sure my <em>Miss</em> had a treble -portion, and would often steal her fresh meat, than -which I know not what is more valuable in a long -run at Sea.</p> - -<p class='c012'>I acted not my business so closely, but that my -Master discovered the goodness of my nature to -my fellow-travellers; however finding no considerable -loss and decay of his Liquors, only -threatned me for that time what wonderful -punishment he would inflict upon me, if ever he -catcht me in the like again: I thinking he had -but jested, and trusting to my wit for the secret -management of the project, and the excuse thereof -when it was effected by the instigation of two -lusty young fellows, I was induced to steal from -my Master a Bottle of Sack, and getting into a -close corner with my forementioned Doxy, whom -I had singled out, and these two Fellows, we -made a shift to drink it off; they prompted -me to fetch another, but I would not yield, -till I had first gone aloft, to see whether the -Coast was clear; finding my Master asleep in the -great Cabbin, I got out a Bottle of French-Wine, -which we dispatcht as we had done the other; not -satisfied with this, they perswaded me by all means -to fetch another, and with that they would -be contented; I would not condescend in any -<span class='pageno' id='Page_195'>195</span>case, till the witch my Wench (that by this time -was got above half drunk) intreated me with -<em>prithee do, what will you deny me?</em> and then I -could hold out no longer; but being by the Liquor -in a fit mood to do any Roguery, I promised -them to return with some more with all -expedition; now I began to consider that what -we had drank already, was not so strong as -Brandy, and therefore lookt on that Liquor most -convenient for our drunken purpose; I opened a -<em>Guard de-vines</em>, and taking out almost a Quart -Bottle, I made what haste I could to my seasoned -Drunkards, who were eagerly gazing for me; -but finding them too petulantly familiar with my -<em>Mistress</em>, I had once a mind to have staved the -Bottle, but that I should lose my share of the -Brandy, but dissembling well my passion, I drank -on with them; but I by reason of the tenderness -of my Age, and my Female friend being not accustomed -to drinking, were not able to hold out -with them: the fumes ascending into my head, I -thought my self as good as any man, (judge you -whether I was not a proper one at fourteen years -of Age?) and would not take an affront from any, -and so charging them with the abuse they had -done me in being too sawcy with my concerns, I -made no more ado, but fell foul with them both, -my little <em>Virago</em> seeing me engaged, was resolv’d -not to be idle, but with the Glass Bottle lays one -of them over the Cox-comb, which breaking, cutt -his pate, the sight of his blood made him more -afraid than hurt, and fearing lest he should bleed -himself to death, acquits our Company, and ran -with all speed to the Chirurgion, in the mean time -<span class='pageno' id='Page_196'>196</span>we made our party good with the other, and so -pounded him, that he was glad to shoot the Pit, -and leave us sole Conquerors of the Field, having -now no other enemy in sight to contend with -us, I took my stout Amazon by the hand, and led -her up aloft in triumph, the Sea-men were ready -to die with laughter to see how we had mall’d -those two Boobies; but their laughter increast to -that excess, that it wakened my Master to see me -and my Damsel strutt and reel to and fro the Decks, -bidding defiance to them all, daring the best of them -to touch her upon their perils; as I was thus Lording -it, my Master made his appearance, who was so surprized -he knew not what to say, neither was it to -any purpose, for my Damsel was as merry as a Hawk, -who nothing but sang whilst I <em>Don-Drunken Furioso</em> -was storming like a <em>Raging Turk</em>.</p> - -<p class='c012'>My Master perceiving that nothing would appease -my wrath, nor silence the harmonious Tongue -of my tippled Madam, commanded us both to be -clapt in the <em>Bilboes</em>, and there to continue till we -were a little more sober. We soon talkt ourselves -asleep, and sleept as soundly as if we had lain on a -Feather-bed, awakening, we wondred to see our -selves in that condition, and could not imagine -how we came there, but by some inchantment; -but our admiration and amazement were soon -converted into something of another nature, by -my Masters sending for us; coming before him, -there did I see my two Antagonists, the sight -whereof immediately informed my memory with -the precedent days proceedings; my face did -presently discover my guilt.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c002'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><span class='pageno' id='Page_197'>197</span><span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>Heu quam difficile est crimen non prodere vultu?</em></span></div> - <div class='line in4'>Alas how hard it is for any face</div> - <div class='line in4'>To hide a crime, if it hath any Grace?</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>And had not our countenances betrayed us, -there were too many apparent evidences for our -conviction. Now did I see my <em>quondam</em> loving -friend lay aside the pleasantness of his former -looks, and assume the severe gravity of a Judges -aspect, and having dismist my fighting Madam, -sentenced me and my two combatants to be that -instant conveyed to the Capston, which was done -accordingly, and there were we seized, inclosed -within a Hoop, and a Cat of nine tails delivered -into each our hands; and this being done, said our -Master, <em>Let me see how you will fight now? if you -do not lash one another soundly, I will have those -that shall</em>; so commanding the Capston Bar to be -turned round, to work we went; I laid it on gently -at first on him that was before me, but finding -the smart of the blows increase, and the lashes -multiply in strength as well as quantity, by him -that was behind me, I spared my fore-man not a -jot, but as fast and as smartly as I could, I jerkt -him about; this caused him to redouble his blows -on the other, he again on me, and so we went -round in that unmerciful manner, that our Master -out of meer pity was forc’d to release us.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>The severity of this punishment (for none could -have had the heart to have whipt us as we whipt -our selves,) cured me of my Drunken fits for that -whole Voyage, and so reduced me to order -and civility, that I was once more received into -his favour. And now I grew so cautious in the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_198'>198</span>disposal of those Liquors of Life, that none participated -with me in their enjoyments, but my -Master and his friends, who was a severe check -over me in what he had committed to my charge. -Immediately after our arrival at <em>Barbadoes</em>, having -complemented the Island with the usual ceremony -of firing some Guns, a swarm of Boats -from thence settled about our Ship, the Planters -therein boarded us on every side, as if they -intended to have made lawful Prize of us. Our -Commodities between Decks were forthwith -rubbig’d, (rummig’d I mean) and exposed to the -view of the Buyer; they need not question the -goodness of the Ware, since it hath been sufficiently -tryed, and could not want a <em>probatum</em> on -the report of hundreds. Nothing troubled me -more than to see my young Female Comrade -truckt for Tobacco, the exchange of equal levity, -and as the one is fit only to be burnt, so -in time may the other, though so green one -would imagine nor capable of entertaining a -flame. They were all disposed off in a very -short time, and those that despaired of ever having -Husbands in <em>England</em>, had them here ready -made to their hands, and they with others found -in this remote place a conveniency for raising a -new credit and reputation, which they had irrecoverably -lost elsewhere.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>All the time that we lay here at Anchor I was not -permitted to go ashore, a thing that griev’d me to -the heart, especially having not the benefit of others, -who had the freedom of going ashore and refresh -themselves with fresh Provisions. Our Sea-men that -were on Ship-board would have the same conveniences -<span class='pageno' id='Page_199'>199</span>as if they were where properly they might -be had, but were so inhumane to me, that I must -eat what the Ship afforded, or fast; this they did, -that I might adventure another whipping by stealing -my Masters Liquors, knowing how strongly I -longed to taste of fresh meat: not a bit went down my -throat but what I purchased with the hazard aforesaid; -but my Masters carowsing at the <em>Indian -Bridge</em>, made him forget what was exhausted -out of his Cabbin, and so I came off undiscovered.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>Having taken in our Loading proper for our -Transportation, as to Tobacco, Indigo, Cotton, -and Sugar, (which last sweetned all the bitter -Pills of affliction which I had swallowed) we set -Sail for <em>England</em>, and with a prosperous Gale, -and good weather, we safely arrived in the -<em>Downs</em>, where lying a small time, we came away -to <em>Graves-End</em>, and there we staid two Tides. -My Master going ashore, I begg’d him that he -would let me go with him, having not set foot -on Land in so long time; the consideration -thereof perswaded him to grant my request; and -taking an opportunity to slip from my Master, I -chanc’d to happen into an House, where at that -little time of my staying happen’d a remarkable -passage. There was a Justice of the Peace -that lived not far from this House, who had a -Wood-yard adjoyning hereunto: the near adjacency -of this Fewel tempted my Landlord to purloin -from thence, that he might save some expence in -firing; but he did it so often, that he caused the Justice -to suspect he was grosly abused by some or other -thereabout; and that he might find out the offender, -he ordered his Servants to bore large holes in some of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_200'>200</span>the Loggs, and fill them with Gun-powder, -plugging up the same holes very close again; -which was performed according to instruction, -and the design took its desired effect; for our -Landlord according to his wonted custom, came -into the Yard, and happened to take those very -Loggs, and carried them home to use them as -he had done the rest; his Pot was over the Fire, -and a Spit before it, in order to a Supper bespoke -by some strangers. I was smoaking by the -fire side, (that you may know I was not ill bred,) -and had a Pot of Ale in my hand sitting very -near the Fire, my Landlord eagerly bid me remove -farther off that he might have room to supply -his decaying Fire, (it was well for me;) having -laid on those Loggs, in a little time after -came an old Woman (whose ancient and deformed -withered face had made her a long time suspected -for a Witch,) who begged heartily for an -Alms, but such was the cruel hard heartedness -of our Landlord, that he not only denyed her, but -rudely thrust her from the door, the poor helpless -Woman durst not openly exclaim, but as she -was muttering to her self her great discontent, -the Fire got to the Powder inclosed in the Wood -aforesaid, and being so straitly and throughly -confin’d, burst the Logs like a <em>Granado</em>, tearing -the Meat off the Spit, blowing the Pot off the -Hooks, and brake some small matter of the Brickwork -of the Chimney. My loss consisted in the dropping -of my Pot of Ale with the suddain astonishment; -but my Landlord lookt like a fellow distracted -out of his wits; recollecting himself, and seeing what -dammage was done him, concluded this begger-woman -was the cause of all this mischief, believing -<span class='pageno' id='Page_201'>201</span>her now to be what she had been a long time -suspected for a Witch, and therefore leaves his -House confusedly, (which gave me an opportunity -to trip off and leave my reckoning unpaid,) -and getting a Constable, seiz’d this ignorant piece -of antiquity, carrying her before the Justice that -had lost his Wood from time to time; My Landlord -hereupon largely acquainted his Worship the -sad hap that had befallen him and the grounds of -his suspecting this Woman; which when the Justice -had heard to the full, he then understood -who was the Wood-stealer, and so acquitting the -old Woman, but committed my Landlord, who -must now pay for his Children sitting by other -Peoples Fires.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>I had not so much Money but that I was very -glad to save my small reckoning; returning to my -Master, he was very jolly, resolving to lie ashore that -night in <em>Graves-end</em>, and commanded me to attend -him; not a drop of Wine would go down with him -I observed without his Land-lady, which was a -very lovely Woman, had she not been a little too -fat: her Husband was the absolute picture of a -Cuckold; it is strange that a man should read -that name so legibly in any ones face.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Night coming on, my Master seem’d to be -more drunk than he was, that he might the better -excuse his so soon going to bed, desiring to -take his repose, after I had pulled off his Shooes -and Stockins, and he had all undrest himself, being -between the Sheets, I tuckt in the Bedcloathes -about him, and in so doing took an -occasion to meet with his Breeches, and diving -into the Pockets I conveyed away two half -<span class='pageno' id='Page_202'>202</span>Crowns, and so shutting the Chamber door, I left -him.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Going into the Kitchin, I called for Wine, some -upon my Masters account, the rest upon my own -charge; It was my good fortune to be alone with -the Maid, all the rest of the Family (being late) -were gone to bed.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The Maid (like the rest of the worst of House-wives, -who work in the night and play in the day,) -was making at that time a Smock for her self, -and as I guess sate up somewhat the later, because -she would completely finish it; I had made my -self familiar with her, and taking this advantage to -raise some petulant discourse; <em>Is this your Smock?</em> -said I, <em>Yes,</em> she replyed, <em>then sure,</em> said I, <em>you are -very lavish of your Cloth to make it so wide; I will -lay you five shillings, and you shall hold stakes, that -it will contain us both, and to spare: How,</em> said -she, <em>I will lay you that wager if I never engage -in another</em>; but the difficulty lay in this, that she -saw there was a necessity that she must uncase -as well as my self, and therefore seemed very -unwilling so to do; But that she must lose the -Crown if she did not, so she consented: having -the Smock on, I crept into it, and absolutely cased -my Arms in the same sleeves; hers were in before, -my head peeping out at the bosom; but endeavouring -to dis-ingage by the same means we -had intangled our selves, we found it impossible, -our Arms being extended like the wings of a -<em>Spread Eagle</em>, nor could we contract or draw them -to our bodies, in this plight we were in a good while, -not knowing what to resolve on. At length with -one joint consent we raised our Arms to the -Tenter-hooks of the Shelf, (for though I was -<span class='pageno' id='Page_203'>203</span>young, I was tall, and so was she,) and hanging -the Sleeve thereon, we pull’d, thinking to draw it -off that way; but striving with what strength we -had left, we pull’d the shelf down, and all the -Pewter ratling about our ears: This noise awakened -the man of the House, and thinking to jog -his Wife, found no such thing beside him; this -startled him more; however he was resolved to -see what it was, and therefore struck a light; but -recalling himself as he was descending the stairs, -he returned, thinking it would be safer (if Theeves -were below,) to take my Master with him, and -therefore goes to his Chamber door, which he -found open, and entring the room, found his wife -in bed with him fast asleep; whilst he was about -to waken them, we below were struggling to get -loose, and stumbling upon the shelf fallen, we fell -over it upon the Dishes, which made as great a -noise as the former; this hastned him to wake -them, reproving his Wife for her carelesness more -than looseness, and telling them there were Thieves -in the House; my Master got up and went down -with his Landlord to see what the matter was in -the Kitchen: They had no sooner entred the door -but they were strangely amazed to see one Body -with two Heads; approaching nearer, my Master -knew one Head to be his mans, and the other to -be his Landlords Maids: with much difficulty -they they took this Flesh Pudding out of the -Bagg; it being midnight we were not examined -then, but deferred till the next morning: in the -mean time they consulted together; and it was -agreed upon between the Landlord and his Wife, -that conditionally my Master would forgive me, -they would their Maid, and never foolishly proclaim -<span class='pageno' id='Page_204'>204</span>their shame to the world which now lay in -their powers to conceal. This adventure staid us -longer ashore than we intended, but at length getting -aboard, we sailed up to <em>Eriff</em>, where we Anchored -two or three days for some private business -our Master had, <em>&c.</em> and from thence we went -directly up the River, and came to an Anchor over -against <em><a id='corr204.8'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='Shadwell-Doek'>Shadwell-Dock</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_204.8'><ins class='correction' title='Shadwell-Doek'>Shadwell-Dock</ins></a></span></em>.</p> - -<div class='figcenter id004'> -<img src='images/i_205fp.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' /> -</div> - -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c019'>CHAP. XIII.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><em>He buyes a Horse in</em> Smithfield, <em>he is basely cheated -in the goodness by the Horse-Courser, the manner -how; he discants on his own ill Horsemanship as -he is a Sea-man. He rides to</em> Maiden-head, <em>his -Landlady loseth a Diamond Ring, he invents an -incomparable exploit to restore it her again.</em></p> - -<p class='drop-capa0_4_0_7 c011'>My Master being an eminent Sea-man, and -faithful to his trust, had no sooner cleared -his Ship, but had immediately another Voyage -offered him to <em>Virginia</em>, returning home in safety, -the next he made was to the <em>Streights</em>; I was -there with him several times at <em>Legorn</em>, twice in -the <em>West Indies</em>, and twice at the <em>Canaries</em>; by this -time my Apprentiship was expired, which I went -through with so much satisfaction to my Master, -notwithstanding a thousand Rogueries I committed -in that time, that in our next Voyage which -was to <em>Guinny</em>, I was advanced to the dignity of -a <em>Cockswain</em>. Whereupon the long boat was committed -to my Charge, and when any occasion -served, I had my Crew always ready for the skiff; -I understood my place quickly, and behaved my -<span class='pageno' id='Page_205'>205</span>self in it, that our <em>Boat Swain</em> dying, I was constituted -in his place; now was my care increased, -for I had charge of all the Rigging, Masts, and -Sails, with many other matters of consequence. -I have heard my Master say twenty times, that he -had rather hear me when we were weighing Anchor -(our Men being at the Capston) cry <em>heave -clearly my boys</em>, than a noise of Musick, for I had -a strong yet pleasant voice, and I tun’d it to some -purpose when the Anchor was almost a peek. In -this imployment I made two Voyages to <em>Guinny</em>, -the last thereof was so succesful that I was resolved -upon my return to take the pleasures of the Land, -and no places would serve my turn, but those -wherein I had received so much disgrace and -punishment.</p> - -<p class='c012'>In <em>Smithfield, London</em>, I bought an Horse, he -did so caper with the Fellow that rid him, that I -feared this pamper’d beast would be to skittish, -for a Sailer, that never bestrid any living Creature; -the Horse cost me six Pound and a Crown, I could -not get the punctuality of his Rogueship to bate -me the odd Mony, though in three days time -forty shillings proved the utmost value of this -great bargain. It was a very fair day when I set -forward in my journey towards <em>Bristol</em>, and because -the Streets were then dry, and no symptoms -in the Heaven of any approaching Rain, I vainly -thought there would be no occasion for Boots -those intollerable cloggs of a nimble footed Sea-man. -I mounted not without some dread and -fear that this prancing Palfry would run away -with his Master, but contrary to all expectation, -I found the creature calm enough, being ready -to lie down as I was getting up; much ado I had -<span class='pageno' id='Page_206'>206</span>to get him to go till I had almost buryed my Heel-spur -in his belly, and then he made a shift to trot; -but Founder-foot on a suddain running a head, -I was like to have been overset. The talness of -my Horse did shew what an Ass I was to be so -cheated; I might have known that within less -than an hour after I had bought him, for in stead -of Excrements, he evacuated an Eel at his posteriors, -which I believe was conveyed into him -alive by the subtle Horse courser, to make him for -the present more lively and sprightful. With -much difficulty I got him to <em>Maiden-head</em> that -day; the next proving raining, my business did -not require such haste, but that I might stay a -day or two for fair weather.</p> - -<p class='c012'>I had Money enough, the sight whereof did -strangely quicken the attendance of the Servants -of the House, and my liberal expence commanded -both my Land-lord and Land-ladies company; -and that I might continue their society, I was -incessant in the calling for Wine. My Land-lady -was pre-ingaged in the company of several Gallants, -so that I was like to have little of it, had it -not been for an accident that befell her, which -brought her into my Room where my Land-lord -was. It seems one of the Gentlemen espyed a -Ring on her Finger with a very fair Rose of -Diamonds in it, and desiring her to let him see -it for the excellency thereof; she condescended, -continuing her conceited discourse, which she -raised on purpose, to shew what an esteem she -had for her imaginary wit, and fancy; this -Gentleman delivered the Ring to another, he -to a third, that man conveyed it to a fourth -that were troubled with the same curiosity; but -<span class='pageno' id='Page_207'>207</span>at the last it came into the hands of one that was -very loath it should go any further, since it had -almost past round; She being this while so busie -in her tittle tattle, that she neither minded how -it was canvast about, or in the least mist it off her -Finger: She left the room several times, and returned; -but in fine she found the loss of her -Ring, not knowing whether it was restored to her -by that person she lent a sight thereof, and had -dropt it, or if not restored, she was ignorant of -the Man, and therefore durst not tax any one -particularly. I have known many a thing, as a -Silver Tobacco box, <em>&c.</em> left carelesly upon a -Table which hath been taken up in jest, but kept -in earnest.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>She was so puzzled she knew not what to do; -and not knowing how to remedy her self, she was -resolved to play the perfect Woman, <em>sit down and -cry</em>; which she did in that pitiful manner, that I -admired how any mans heart could be so hard, -not to exchange a few inconsiderable Diamonds -for so many inestimable Pearls that dropt from -her eyes. Every one stiffly denyed the unworthiness -of the detention, and seemed somewhat -displeased that their glowing gallantry should be -suspected of an act so ungentile and unhandsom. -Seeing there was no help, and she could not conceal -the loss from her Husband, she came where -we were, that we might in her sad relation commiserate -and condole her great affliction.</p> - -<p class='c012'>I gave much heed to every circumstance of her -doleful story, and minded it so well, that I fancy’d -I had a project in my head which would give her -assistance. <em>Come Madam,</em> said I, <em>there is a Plot -<span class='pageno' id='Page_208'>208</span>which I have just now contrived, which if it take -effect, you shall give me a Bottle of Canary, if not, -it will be no harm for you to make a tryal.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'>She was very glad to hear of any proposition that -might carry in it the hopes of getting her Ring -again, and therefore freely promised me any thing. -<em>Why then</em> said I, <em>Go into your former company, -but first dry your eyes, and express all seeming joy -imaginable, and tell those that are inquisitive as to -the cause of this suddain alteration, that you have -found your Ring again, and then mark diligently -that man who cunningly conveys his hand into his -own Pocket my life for you that man hath the -Ring.</em> Following my advice, she re-entred her -former Room, and counterfeiting an excessive -joy; <em>O Gentlemen your pardon,</em> said she, <em>I have -found my Ring!</em> Observing the company heedfully, -she perceiv’d one stole down his hand into -his Pocket, to feel whether the Ring was there, -imagining, upon the hearing what she said, his -Pocket had been pickt. <em>Where is the Ring I -pray Madam</em>, said one, and where did you find -it? <em>Here Sirs,</em> said she, <em>have I found it, for this -Gentleman hath now the Ring in his hand</em>, which -she forceably drew out of his Pocket, and so the -Ring appear’d to his great shame and discredit. -Her gratitude for my succesful council did that -night so Sack the Garrison of my understanding, -that all my Senses <em>pro tempore</em> suffer’d in their -general devastation.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_209'>209</span> - <h2 class='c004'>CHAP. XIV.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><em>He is like to to be robb’d in</em> Maiden-head Thicket. -<em>He tells a notable story of a Tapster and another -at Play in</em> Redding. <em>At</em> Newberry, <em>a Horse -which he rode upon Tryal in the Streets, ran -away with him unpaid for; at</em> Bristol <em>he ran -away with a pair of Boots then wanting them; -he rides for</em> Excester, <em>where he won a considerable -sum of his Host at Play.</em></p> - -<p class='c014'>The great store of Rain that fell, and made -the High-ways like Hasty Pudding, by which -means though I rid in Shooes and Stockins, yet -I was sufficiently be-booted with dirt. I rid -over the Common melancholy alone, but coming -to <em>Maiden-Head Thicket</em>, there was company -enough such as I liked not by any means, and -now <em>Gramercy Horse</em>, for had not he looked as -scurvily as I rid bootlesly scandalous, I had undoubtedly -been robb’d; never was poor Horse, -and beastly Man so survey’d before, by Devils I -think, for their Faces by their Vizard-Masques -seemed every whit as black. Escaping that danger, -I got the second days journey to <em>Reading</em>, -alighting, I fell all along, for I had kickt away -my Leggs in riding thither, Never did I find the -difference till now of riding on a Yard-arm, and -on the sharp-ridg’d back of a surfeited Jade; I -had not so much skin left upon my Breech as -would make a white patch for an <em>Ethiopian</em> Lady -of Pleasure. Here I lay three days to recover -the damage my posteriors had sustained by riding -my wooden Horse. In which time I observed but -little remarkable, but a Tapsters Playing with a -<span class='pageno' id='Page_210'>210</span>fellow of the Town for Money in a little By Ale-House, -where was sold incomparable Ale, which -I found out by the information of a Coblar, the -reflection of whose face would have afforded light -enough to an Ale-house at Mid-night.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>I was a spectator on their Play, and glad I was -of this opportunity, to divert my self in a strange -place. The Tapster in a little time had lost to -the other the price of 2 Barrels of Beer, which so -inraged him, it being his all, that nothing could perswade -him but that he was cheated of his Money, -that he napt on him, and I know not what, and -swore he would have every penny of his Mony -before he should stir from the place. The other -told him that he had won it fairly, and therefore -would as surely keep it; hereupon the Tapster -struck up his heels, and to work he went with -him, the fellow seeing his drift that he would dispossess -him of his Money, got as much as he could -privately out of his Pocket, and clapt it into his -mouth cramming it almost full. The Tapster -was amazed to find so little in his Pockets, and -therefore made all the Privy search he could, which -was all to no purpose, so that he concluded the -fellow was little less than a Conjurer, after that -he had tired himself with beating and kicking -his Carkass, he did let him rise, the fellow for all -his seeming resolution at first took this basting -very patiently, and would have been gone willingly -to avoid the second part of the same tune, -had not the Tapster laid hold on him, saying, <em>Nay -faith t’other box in the ear, and ’tother kick on the -breech, and go and be damn’d</em>, so lifting his hand up, -gave him a cuff on the face, that by the Noise of what -<span class='pageno' id='Page_211'>211</span>dropt out of his Mouth, I verily believed he had -not only struck out all his teeth, but had also -fractur’d in pieces his jaw-bones; but I soon was -convinced of the contrary, when I lookt on the -Ground, for there lay the Mony scattered which -in his Mouth he had secured. I never stood considering -what was to be done, since I saw a little -time was soon lost, so that blowing out the Candle, -I fell a scrambling with the Tapster, who had got -the start of me, however I made my party good -with him, and was not behind with him in my -share, and so slipt out, leaving the poor fellow to -hold his bleeding chops, which were cut through -by a piece of Money, and the Tapster in <em>tenebris</em> -to sum up his losses. Leaving this Town I found -that I had more Money going out of it than -I brought into it, and so I merrily rode on to -<em>Newberry</em>. Here my jaded Beast gave up the -Ghost, it was time for us to part, for we were both -weary of one the other. Money soon procured -me the sight of another, but exceeding different -from the former, as the one was exceeding dull and -heavy, this was all air, and fiery, no ground would -hold him as it is usually said; this Horse was -brought me to look on, the Seller riding him in -my sight with all the studied advantages a double -Jury of Jockies could invent; dismounting, I was -desired to make tryal of him my self, which I had -no mind to do, for I dislik’d that in him, which -another would have liked extremely, his extraordinary -mettle, however, that I might not be laught -at, I adventured to cross his back, but I was scarce -settled in the Saddle, when this understanding -Beast knowing by my sitting him, that he had a -foolish and unskilful governour to deal withal, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_212'>212</span>grew headstrong, flew away with me like lightning, -for my part I thought I had got the <em>Devil</em> between -my leggs, and that I was riding Post upon -some Hellish design. I knew <a id='corr212.4'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='quiekly'>quickly</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_212.4'><ins class='correction' title='quiekly'>quickly</ins></a></span> whom I -had to deal withal, a thing that would have his -will, and therefore thought it a piece of impudence -to curb his extravagant running; knowing -well that that pace would not last alwayes.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>I gave him his head, let him go which way, and -as fast as he pleased; in troth he was better acquainted -with the Road than his Master, and -would not be perswaded out on’t by any such ignorant -Hawl-bowling as my self; that night my -Horse, and I, (for I must give his Horseship the -preheminence) came to <em>Marlbrough</em>; entring the -Town, he went directly to his Inn, and was known -to the Hostler, calling him by some familiar term, -I know not what now; and askt me whether the -Horse was mine, I replyed that he was so, that I -had bought him the day before at <em>Newberry</em>: -and why should not I own him, since he intitled me -by running away with me, not I with him; and -since by an unexpected chance I had a benefit -thrown into hands, I was resolved to make use of -it, and so I did for the next day, very early I rode -away with him for <em>Bristol</em>, never hearing of the -right owner since: his heat and fury by this time -were pretty well qualified, and could ride him -then my own pace, where as before I would willingly -condescend to have had a leg or an arm -broke, to have secured the bone of my neck.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'><em>Bristol</em>, the place of my nativity I entred with -a strange confidence, if you remember how I was -<span class='pageno' id='Page_213'>213</span>born, and what roguish exploits I acted during -my abode in that City; but as good luck would -have it, as length of time had altered my countenance, -so it had quite obliterated the memory -of my former nefarious actions. Here did I -spend my Money in all manner of riot and excess, -finding a many jovial boon blades, although for -the most part very strict and precise; and though -none are permitted any thing late to tipple, yet -there is time enough in the day to spend the Cargo -of an <em>East-India-man</em>, especially if a man hath -nothing else to do. The natural love I had to -this place made me insensibly stay much longer -than I intended, and though I was some weeks -there, nothing occur’d worth the taking notice of, -but furnishing my self with a pair of Bootes. -My money began to grow somewhat low, so that -I saw there was a necessity of removing thence; -the inconveniences I was put to for want of Boots, -made me resolve to try how I might procure them -without either money or credit; I ponder’d with -my self, and took many a walk in the <em>Marsh</em>, yet -could project no feasible way to obtain my ends. -I pitcht upon this at last; evening the account -with my Landlord, I caused the Hostler to saddle -my Horse and bring him out, mounting, I rid -him to a quite contrary part of the City, where -I lay, (my lodging was near the Castle, and I rode -to the higher end of <em>Ratcliff-street</em>,) near the Gate, -I tyed my Horse, and walkt down again backward -where I observed some Shooe-makers, entring -one of their Shops, I askt the Master thereof -to shew me some Boots he did, and withal fitted -me; having both the Boots on, I talked to him -about the price, I refusing to give so much since -<span class='pageno' id='Page_214'>214</span>they were too dear, he protesting on the other -side that he would not abate a farthing, stepping -to the Threshold (as if I intended to settle my -feet in them) I started, though not fairly, running -with all my speed, the Shooe-maker thought it -was to no boot for him to stand still, whilst I was -in action; wherefore leaving his shop, he betook -himself to his heels, crying out as he ran, <em>stop him, -stop him; Stop me not,</em> quoth I, <em>we run for a -Wager, and I give him the advantage of running -in Shooes against my self in these heavy Boots</em>; -hearing me say so, they gave way which I repeated -to every one as I came near them; they -encouraging me, crying out, <em>O brave Boots, O brave -Boots</em>; Others animating the other with <em>O brave -Shooes, O brave Shooes</em>; getting to my Horse, I -mounted him, and without Spurs, for he needed -none, I rode clear through <em>Ratcliff-gate</em>, and was -soon out of sight, and never since heard of my -Shooe-maker.</p> - -<p class='c012'>I was resolved to cross the Countrey for my -better securing my self from my Horse-merchant, -and so directed my Course to <em>Exeter</em>, where I was -resolved to continue till I had increased my store. -I was fearful of venturing on Robbing, and therefore -my design was solely bent on cheating, having -not been yet arrived to the height of understanding -the ruinating Mystery of Gaming; my -Land-lord was a very jolly associate, and delighted -much in my company, in that I fitted his -humour so well: we often walkt together, and by -our converse broad grew intimately familiar, insomuch -that if I were in the house, he was hardly -out of my company. Frequently we diverted our -selves with <em>Tom Fools Games</em>, as they call them, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_215'>215</span><em>Dubblets</em>, <em>Size Ace</em>, <em>Back Sir Hugh</em>, <em>Catch Dolt</em>, &c. -For neither of us could play at any thing else -with the Dice, unless <em>Old Sim</em>.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>It was my good fortune one day to play with -him for a bottle of Wine at <em>Sise Ace</em>, which I won -of him, and after that another, and in conclusion -so many, that we were forced to call for assistance, -which we could not want long, if men in this -latter Age did not Apostatize by declining the -powerful invitations of good wine. These Spungers -by exhausting our Liquor inflamed the -Reckoning, and that still kindled in us a desire to -play on: I was the sole Conquerour; and seeing -that he could not deal with me for the Reckoning, -he propounded to me whether I would play with -him for a Tester, I seeing how vext he was that -he had lost so many Bottles, consented to humour -him in any thing that was reasonable, not believing -but that fortune would not withdraw her wonted -favours from me. He losing still; from six pence, -we doubled the stakes, and to be short, we gradually -augmented them till we played for an -Angel a Game, (may they always be tutelary to -me, and be my Guardians from the insufferable -torments of a despicable necessity,) from an Angel, -to a Piece, till I had left him not a Piece to play -with me, having won threescore and <a id='corr215.27'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='upward,'>upward.</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_215.27'><ins class='correction' title='upward,'>upward.</ins></a></span> -Being a young man, he begg’d of me to conceal -his loss, lest by the Proclaiming my good success, -I detriment his credit; for he was so rational as -to know that Gaming, as it surely stabs a mans -Reputation, so in process of time it will cut the -throat of his Estate, though very considerable.</p> - -<p class='c012'>I promised him I would do it though to no purpose, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_216'>216</span>for the Standers by were the Publishers of -those ill <a id='corr216.2'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='iidings'>tidings</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_216.2'><ins class='correction' title='iidings'>tidings</ins></a></span>, which will spread abroad themselves -like a Pestilence. Now I thought it highly -requisite to put my self into a better garb, and invest -my self with such ornaments as might become -a Gentleman, which I intended to personate. I -accommodated my self with a Sword, and did not -forget Spurs to my new Boots. Being thus -bravely equipt <em>Cap a pee</em>; I grew weary of this -City, and so left it, and my Landlord to his better -Fortune.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>The next place I set up my Standard, was in -<em>Salisbury</em>; my generous deportment and gallant -habiliments adapted me for the best of company, -and the relation of my Travails, not as a <em>Tarpawlin</em>, -but a wealthy young Heir, did infinitely please -them: So that if I were in a Coffee-house at any -time, though I entred in singly, I should have it filled -with variety of Guests to hear those <em>admiranda</em> -wonderful things that I had observed abroad: I -was the Mouth of the house, and what I reported -was received as an Oracle, I made two Fellows -one time confidently believe, that <em>Pindennis</em> -Castle, if well mann’d and rigg’d, would make a -brave Man of War of the First Rate, and that -<em>Pen-men maure in Wales</em>, and <em>Hoath</em> in <em>Ireland</em> -were nere met in consultation how to prevent the -turbulency of their Northern neighbourhood from -incroaching on their Trade of <em>Herring-Fishing</em>.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_217'>217</span> - <h2 class='c004'>CHAP. XV.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><em>At</em> Salisbury <em>he comes acquainted with a young -man, who relates to him the</em> Breviate <em>of his life, -and instructs him in the most usual Games at -Dice, with all the subtle deceivers that belong to -them, and the dangers that attend them, with a -short account of their Practitioners.</em></p> - -<p class='c014'>My Reputation in this City increased daily, -so that I was now at liberty to pick and -choose my company, I mean from the middle sort -of people, which I knew how to delude, whereas I -was not so ignorant, but that men of better breeding -and learning would by my discolouring, Sea-faring -hands, and illiterate tongue find out the imposture -of my crafty pretences. I had a sufficient stock -of confidence to manage those natural parts which -some (flatteringly I doubt) highly commended. -The younger sort of People were the Persons I -selected to associate my self withal, and had in -that little time gain’d so large an interest in them, -that he offered me too little, I should have thought, -that would think to buy my propriety therein for -an hundred a year. Hunting and Hawking were -my dayly Recreations; when we returned home, -Drinking and Whoring were our nightly exercises; -and because I was a stranger as I had the preheminence -in most things, so I always paid the -least share of any in the reckoning.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>There was one strange Gentleman who usually -accompanied us, whom I particularly observed -<span class='pageno' id='Page_218'>218</span>to have more than common qualifications; quick-witted, -well spoken, sung incomparably, but had -the repute of a notorious Gamester; and well he -might, for he had bit both City and Countrey of -considerable sums, so that now being generally -known for a Rook, none durst play with him, yet -fancied his company very much. This Gentleman -I singled out, and discourst him throughly -as to every thing: And that I might engage him -to a greater freedom, I forged several lies, charging -him with secrecy; this seeming unbosoming -my self obliged him to give me an account of -what he was, and for what reasons he came there -in this manner.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'><em>Sir,</em> said he, <em>I was formerly an Apprentice in</em> -London, <em>and by reason of my Masters covetous and -ill nature and severity from him, I had not served -him two years e’re I was upon the ramble, (a term -of Art frequently used amongst us;) my Parents -with some charge and much intreaty sawdred up -this first crack; but this sore was not so well cured, -but by reason of the inward corruption it broke out -again, and now was the Malady worse than ever, -for my Master would not receive me on any terms, -notwithstanding the various perswasions of my -friends for that purpose. My Relations seeing this, -and being throughly perplex’t exercised all their -passions on me, and instead of reducing me, took a -course to ruine and destroy me: for they seemingly -cast me out of all favour, which I judged to be real, -and having no other dependance than my Wits (my -poverty having frighted all my former friends -from coming near me,) I resolved for a sustenance -to make what use I could of them.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'><span class='pageno' id='Page_219'>219</span><em>As long as my money lasted, I frequented all places -for Gaming exercises, and now and then some Bawdy-houses, -in which I had goten a large acquaintance; -but having spent all I had, I could get no -credit among them, only in one house, where they had -so much credulity to believe my Lies to be infallible -Truths, and that I should receive in a little time -those several Sums were due to me abroad, and -would have the honesty to pay my large account. -Money not coming as they expected, laid an Action -on my back, and threw me into Goal, where I suffered -more than tongue can utter; but I shall not disclose -the name of this Gaoler, since I shall give you an account -of some lines I wrote on him whilst I was his -Prisoner, which were these</em>;</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c002'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><em>This Gaoler sure the Devil gave him birth,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>For no such Fury hath his seat on Earth:</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>A Cannibal which eats the Flesh of Men,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>And being gorged, spews than up again.</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>A Monster that the old World never knew,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Of late produc’d by a litigious crew,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Spawn of a Syren and Leviathan:</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Part Fish, part Fowl, part Devil, and part Man.</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>He Swallows down the poor, as Crows do Frogs,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>And makes no more of Men, than Men of Dogs.</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>The Pris’ner ends his days in toil and sweat,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>To fill the Cabbins of his Cabbinet.</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>This Cash being ravisht from his reaking brow,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Will be all spent the Devil knows not how.</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>His Celler’s Hell, he lives by other’s sin,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>And cares not who doth loose so he may win.</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>His Beds are dearer than a Bawdy-house,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>There you may have a Whore, but here a Louse.</em></div> - <div class='line'><em><span class='pageno' id='Page_220'>220</span>This is that Hell-hound for to sum up all,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Who is both Monster, Devil, and Canniball.</em></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'><em>In this stinking place I stayed so long till I was -almost starved, yet though I had nothing to feed on, -I had daily a thousand which fed on me. The -Daughter of my merciless Creditor hearing the miserableness -of my condition gave me a visit, and supplyed -me with some Money for the present, and repeating -her visits, pity did at last turn into affection; -this Love soon seeded into Matrimony; for she was -her Mothers Darling, and could perswade her to -anything, and so it proved, for she so prevailed, that -I was discharged of my Debt, Fees paid, new Cloaths -bought, and we incontinently marryed. I knew her -to be a Whore, but necessity forced me to do what I -did, or I must have perisht.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'><em>My Wife on the Bridal night expected no new -thing from me, but a new fashioned duty; for she -told me, if I expected to command, I was grosly mistaken; -that she raised me not out of that Tomb I -must have lain buryed in to my lives end, for that -purpose, she knew how to rule her own affairs without -my assistance, however she could not but acknowledge -that man was a necessary implement in a -Family, if it were but to cloak his Wives imperfections; -To be short, Sir, I was only a Titular -master, but a real Pimp and Cuckold; I bore all -with a world of patience, still waiting an opportunity -to get what I could, and march off: which fell out -as happily as I could wish; for the House was noted -to be a place of debauchery, and whilst my mother in -Law was condemned for a damn’d Bawd, and my -Wife for an errant piece of <a id='corr220.33'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='impudenee'>impudence</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_220.33'><ins class='correction' title='impudenee'>impudence</ins></a></span>, I was pityed -by all as one drawn in and undone by them both.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'><span class='pageno' id='Page_221'>221</span><em>Officers in fine seised them; and carried them to</em> -Bridewel, <em>being both safe from interrupting my -fixed resolution, I ransackt the house, taking what -Moneys I found, and selling what would yield me -any, I betook my self to this place, the remoteness -whereof from my former habitation affording me a -very convenient refuge. Whilst I have been in these -parts I have not expended my time idly; for in Gaol -and elsewhere I have learned most knacks in playing -I have ever heard of, and have practiced them in -many places very advantagiously, for I was a while -of a Gang that stroled all the Countrey over, to all -the great Fairs in</em> England, <em>resorting thither as constantly, -as such Tradesmen who make it their business -to observe them, exercising their cheating faculties -on all they can pick up fit for their company: -the reason why they go three or four in Company, -is, that if any contest in playing should arise, or -any opposition should be made, they may be the better -able to defend their Roguery. Besides, if they should -miss of a prize, and be smoakt as Gamesters, they -are then strong enough for mischiefs of another nature, -as</em> Padding, Ken-milling, <em>&c. and indeed let -me tell you, there is no profest Villain which hath -not a very great insight in Gaming, and know not -only what advantages naturally accrue from every -Game, but know how to make them when occasion -shall require.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'><em>Since my coming hither I have very illy managed -my successes; for I have won too many times without -the interposition of one single loss of my own, -which hath raised in my Gamesters a suspition of -me not to be taken off; by which means I have lost -all future hopes of bubbling them any more; But -since, Sir, you stand fair in their good opinion, if -<span class='pageno' id='Page_222'>222</span>you please to let me share with you, I shall inform -you not only with my Art, but also furnish you with -Tools which shall effect our design and increase our -store. But before I shall encourage you to learn -that which I now propound for your profit, give me -leave to acquaint you with the inconveniencies, dangers, -and perplexities which attend Gaming, lest -hereafter you condemn me for your rash learning -that which you would have trampled under your -feet, had you known the many dangerous concomitants -which continually wait thereon.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'><em>To speak generally, Gaming is an enchanting -Witchery begot betwixt a couple of Devils, Idleness -and Avarice: it so infatuates man, that it renders -him incapable of <a id='corr222.15'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='prosecutiug'>prosecuting</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_222.15'><ins class='correction' title='prosecutiug'>prosecuting</ins></a></span> his more serious affairs, -and makes him to quarrel with his condition though -ever so good: if he wins, the success so elevates him, -that his mad joys carry him to the height of all excesses; -if he loses, his misfortune plunges him to the -bottom of Despair. Oh how I have seen a man cast -up his eyes, as if he intended to call Heaven to account -for its injustice, in not giving him that Cast he so -much desires. Nay, I heard one of no small note in -an ordinary publickly invoke the Devil, (upon his -throwing at all, that is, all the men lies on the -Table) that he would turn up Five, which was his -Chance, and he should have his Soul for the next -throw, an expression enough to make the hair of the -vilest reprobate to stand on end.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'><em>It was said of one, that</em> <span lang="la" xml:lang="la">nec bonam, nec malam fortunam -ferre potest,</span> <em>that both in good and bad fortune -he was ever restles.</em> Marcellus <em>could neither be -quiet as Conquerour, nor overcome. Thus such is the -damn’d itch of Play, Gamesters are never satisfyed -winning or loosing, if they win, they hope to increase -<span class='pageno' id='Page_223'>223</span>their <a id='corr223.1'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='flore'>store</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_223.1'><ins class='correction' title='flore'>store</ins></a></span>, if they loose their Money they hope to recover -it again.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'><em>The question was wittily propounded by one, whether -Men in a Ship at Sea were to be accounted</em> <span lang="la" xml:lang="la">inter -mortuos, vel vivos</span>, <em>among the living, or the dead, -because there were but few Inches between them and -drowning. The</em> <span lang="la" xml:lang="la">Quære</span> <em>is not improper to be made -of great Gamesters, though their Estates be never so -considerable, whether they are to be esteemed</em> <span lang="la" xml:lang="la">Divites -vel Pauperis</span>, <em>poor or rich, since there are but a few -Casts at Dice betwixt a person of Fortune, (in that -circumstance) and a Begger.</em></p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'><em>Now if you intend to be a Gamster, what ever your -success be, you must bear it</em> <span lang="la" xml:lang="la">æquo animo</span>, <em>neither raised -or depressed; but I will assure you that it is a difficult -matter so to do, for this course of life will try -your patience. Would it not mad you to have so -strange a fortune, as with a very small Sum to run -up to Eighteen hundred pounds, and loose it again -with his small stock in less than three days? I knew -one with Fifty Shillings, win Five hundred pounds -of his own at one time in his life, and thereupon putting -himself into a Garb not mis-becoming an Earl, -played again, the Dice ran against him, lost every -penny he had, or could borrow; hereupon he grew -stark mad, and hang’d himself in his own Bed-cord. -There are as many examples of this nature as would -stuff a Quire of Paper, and as many as would fill a -Ream of such who having had fair Estates, in few -years have lost them at Play, and dyed in want and -Penury. I have heard it credibly reported, that a -Gentleman belonging to the</em> Six Clerks Office, <em><a id='corr224.34'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='sic: who was not only?'>who was only well cliented</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_224.34'><ins class='correction' title='sic: who was not only?'>who was only well cliented</ins></a></span>, but had a good Estate of his -<span class='pageno' id='Page_224'>224</span>own, and by him always a considerable sum of Money; -this Gentleman was invited to play by some young -Gallants that had a great desire to be fingring his</em> -Jacobus’s <em>with whom he engaged, and by extraordinary -fortune won two thousand pieces of Gold, -was not content with that round sum, but plaid on, -lost all, with his own Estate, sold his place in the -Office; and lost that too; at last, through excessive -grief, he transported himself to a Forreign Plantation, -where, if his discontent dispatch him not, he -must be forced to Hoe for a livelihood. This commonly -is the destiny of a decayed Gamester, if not this, -he is seldom preferr’d higher than to the dignity -of a Box keeper.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'><em>Lastly, before you take the Dice in your hand, -think of drawing your Sword before you leave off -Playing; for should you play upon the Square, you -will be suspected by those that loose, you have knapt, -or put the change of the Dice upon them; then right -or wrong they will quarrel with you, more for the -vexation of the loss, than for any just cause they had -for so doing: If you do not fall together by the ears -then in the very heat, you will have affronts enough -to engage you in the Field next morning, upon some -trifling insignificant occasion, deem’d as a</em> punctilio -<em>of Honour, or else timely put up those abuses which -will occasion you to be scorn’d and slighted, and at -last pist on as you walk the streets by every Party -Coat coloured Skip-kennel.</em></p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_225'>225</span> - <h2 class='c004'>CHAP. XVI.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>An account of Play, with several remarkable Occurrences.</p> - -<p class='drop-capa0_4_0_7 c011'>T<em>hus I have told you what you must expect, and -now I shall inform you what to do; but if e’re -you think to be complete in this occult Art, you must -by frequent trials reduce my Theory into your -Practice.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'><em>In the first place, take this as a</em> Maxim, <em>never Play, -but when you are sure to win and that you might not -fail thereof, have you Dice about you continually of -all sorts, which you may buy in</em> London <em>at several -places ready made to your hand, but very dear: It -may be when you are in the Countrey, you cannot -be supplied from thence so speedily as your urgent -affairs require, and therefore I would have you -make them your self.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'><em>There are</em> Fullams <em>of two sorts, which you may -make run high or low, that is,</em> 6, 5, 4, <em>or</em> 3, 2, 1. -<em>either by drilling holes in the black spots, and load -them with Quick-Silver, stopping up again the said -holes with Pitch, or filling the Corners of the Dice. -You may procure also, (which you must have Implements -as necessary in your intended Profession, as -Tools are for any working occupation) I say, there -are Dice which you may get, which will run nothing -but a Sise, another a Cinque, another a Quatre,</em> &c. -<em>which are very useful at Tables: for if you want -a Cinque, or so to enter at</em> Back gammon <em>or</em> Irish, -<em>hitting that Blot at an after-game, you recover again, -and ten to one but you win the Game; besides, it is -<span class='pageno' id='Page_226'>226</span>useful for a single Hit at</em> Ticktack, <em>or for taking -points, by joyning two together of a different sort.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'><em>In case of necessity if you have none of these artificial -helps about you, then your hand must supply -your wants, by Palming the Die; that is, having -your Box in your hand, you take up both the Dice as -they are thrown nimbly within the hollow of your -hand, and put but one into the Box, reserving the -other in your Palm, observing with a quick eye what -side was upward, and so accordingly conform the -next throw to your purpose, by delivering that in the -Box, and the other in your hand smoothly together. -You must sometimes use Topping; that is, by pretending -to put both Dice into the Box, whereas you -have dropt but one, holding the other between -your fore-fingers, which you turn to your advantage. -Knapping, is when you strike one Die -dead, either at Tables or Hazzard let the other -run a Milstone, as we use to say. Slurring, is when -you throw your Dice so smoothly on the Table that -they turn not, for which purpose you must endeavour -to choose your Table or the smoothest part thereof. -There are very few that can secure more than one -Die, but I have known some so excellent at it, that -they would slurr a Sise without turning above a yard -in length; others I have known, who could secure two -Dice in three at Passage, but that is seldom seen. I -have heard of some so dextrous in casting the Dice, -that they would throw when they pleased less than</em> -Ames Ace, <em>through the handle of a Quart Pot.</em></p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>Hazzard, In and In, <em>and</em> Passage <em>are the principal -Games in an Ordinary, you may find Professors enough -thereof every where else, wherefore it is requisite to pass -<span class='pageno' id='Page_227'>227</span>through these several Clashes for fear of being Cross-bitten -or bubbled by some other dexterity, of which -they have variety unimaginable.</em> Hazzard, <em>is a -Game that maketh a quick riddance on one side or -other, and therefore it hath not its name given improperly: -for it ruinateth speedily, in Setting or -Buttring (a term of art is used among us,) one or -other is blown up immediately.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'>A Main <em>at</em> Hazzard, <em>is that cast of the Die which -is thrown first, but then it must be above Four, and -less than Ten, otherwise it is no Main; so that -hence you may understand there are five Mains,</em> 5, -6, 7, 8, and 9, <em>to these Mains there are seven Chances,</em> -4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, <em>and</em> 10. <a id='corr227.14'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='Ames, Ace'>Ames Ace</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_227.14'><ins class='correction' title='Ames, Ace'>Ames Ace</ins></a></span>, <em>and</em> Duce Ace, -<em>are general outs or losses to them all; Eleven is out -to</em> 5, 6, 8, <em>or</em> 9; <em>Twelve is out to</em> 5, 7, <em>or</em> 9; <em>but it -nicks</em> 6, <em>or</em> 8, <em>as</em> 11, <em>doth</em> 7, <em>and so doth</em> 5, <em>nick</em> 5, <em>and -so on to</em> 9; <em>after the second throw, the cast that -comes first wins. At</em> Hazzard <em>the cunning Gamester -will pray it may be Quatre Ace against Cinque -Duce, or Tray Ace against Cinq Tray; you had -need be well verst before you meddle with this, it being -very hazzardous. Though twenty at a Table -set you, you may knock with your Box but at one, -and then all the rest draw their Money; as many -as you knock to you must pay if you loose; if you -throw at all, winning, you sweep all; O the sweet -that is in that throw, when a man upon the success -of that nick shall boldly cry</em> more Money Gentlemen, -<em>although the Table is covered with Half-Crowns. -If you sett, and the Caster refuse you, if another</em> cover -<em>you, and you accept theereof, it is one and the -same thing.</em></p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'><em>At</em> In and In <em>you play with four Dice, you may -<span class='pageno' id='Page_228'>228</span>drop from one shilling to a pound;</em> In, <em>is when any -two Doublets appear: Out, when none;</em> In and In, -<em>when three Aces, three Duces, &c. or four of one sort.</em></p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'><em>At</em> Passage <em>you are to play with three Dice; you -cannot Pass unless you throw Doublets above Nine, -less than nine you are out; all other throws signifying -nothing, you must thrown on. What other criticismes -and crotchets there are in these Games, you -cannot understand, otherwise than by observation in -your practice; but as I told you at first, it is best not -to meddle with it at all.</em></p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>Hereupon my Gentleman took several Dice out -of his Pocket, and throwing them, I saw he could -make them run as he listed; my fingers itched -to be at the sport, so that I spent the most part -of every day in consulting what advantages I could -find out in Play: nay, in the very night I was never -at rest for dreaming of these confounded Devils -bones: the indefatigable pains I took (to find out -the ready way to my destruction,) made me speedily -an accomplisht Gamester; and to show my -Master how I had improv’d my self from his dictations, -I engaged with him at single hand, he entring -the List with me, found himself equally, if -not overmatcht.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Hereupon he perswaded me to study how I -might contrive an opportunity to Play, when at -one bout we might both sow and reap a plentiful -crop, that might help to a future maintenance. -The Plott I laid at a Gentlemans House five miles -distance from <em>Salisbury</em>, where I was invited to -be merry, with orders to bring what friends I -pleased with me; you may be sure I carried none -<span class='pageno' id='Page_229'>229</span>but what had Money enough, otherwise no company -for me. Being met together, we were very -jovial, and amidst our cups, I propounded to throw -with Dice, who should drink a Glass; it was -agreed on; being all half boozie, I made another -proposition to play at <em>Hazzard</em> round for a Crown -and no farther; this motion took as well as the -former, and to work we went.</p> - -<p class='c012'>To be short, I won all their Moneys, hardly -leaving our Entertainer a penny in the House; -and fearing he should recruit the next day, and -so farther engage me, my new Comrade perswaded -me to trip off, and share, for it was reasonable -he should go snips with me; I therefore -caused my Horse to be brought forth, and notwithstanding -the many thousand perswasions to the -contrary, (rewarding the Servants) I took my -leave of them, promising to give what Revenge -they pleased the next day, but that was none of -our intent, for early the next morning, we with -our booty rode for <em>London</em>.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c004'>CHAP. XVII.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><em>They go for</em> London, <em>one is apprehended and the -other in his flight casually doth two or three mischiefs; -the strange discovery of a Murther of -seventeen years standing.</em></p> - -<p class='drop-capa0_2_0_7 c011'>Here puft up with good fortune, we scattered -our Moneys up and down the City, -trampling the streets in terrour and huffing after -a strange rate: but coming along by <em>South-Hampton</em> -Building an aged Matron seized on my Elbow-shaking -Companion, crying out this is the Rogue -<span class='pageno' id='Page_230'>230</span>that robb’d me; I hearing that betook my self to -my heels fearing lest being found in his company, -I might be taken up for his accounts in the Theft. -I made more hast than good speed it seems, for -in my flight I bore down all that opposed me; -insomuch that a poor Woman with a basket of -Eggs standing in my way, I overthrew her and -breaking her Eggs utterly undid the Woman, her -whole stock consisting in that basket. A fellow -seeing this endeavoured to lay hold on me, but I -struggling to disingage my self from him pusht him -forward on his Nose and falling, fell into an old -Womans deep Codling Pan up to the Armpits, -it being almost full of newly scalded apples, never -was Codlings so handled, nor man so becodled as -he was, the almost boyling water so tormented -him, that he roared as bad as the fellow which was -inclosed in <em>Phalarus</em> his Bull; fearing the mischief -I had done I added new wings to my -speed, but not looking before me, I ran directly -against a Ladder in my way, on which there was -a labouring man carrying up Morter to the top, -but he was stopt in his intent, for though he went -up by the Ladder, he came down without a Roop, -his Morter falling on the heads of four finical Gentlewomen -as they past by, who now might properly -be called Morter-Pieces, the Ladder fell easily and -gradually from the house to a Sign Post, the Man -holding fast by one of the rounds, this while receiving -little or no dammage, to the wonder and -astonishment of all the Spectators. However I -was detain’d, and none coming against me, nor -accusing me for anything but the Woman with her -Eggs, and the old Woman for the dammage she -had sustained by the mashing of her Codlings; the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_231'>231</span>fellow for being scalded by them, and this man -that charged me most with supposition of loosing -his life by my means I was dismist, giving to each -what satisfaction I Judged convenient.</p> - -<p class='c012'>What became of my <em>Come-at seven</em> I know not, -but glad I was to be clear’d from this fright: thus -it is to have a guilty Conscience; a man I have -heard of, who flew in a Moon-shine night from his -own shaddow, thinking it to be a Devil that haunted -his wicked carcass: Another more remarkable -I have heard much talk of, who having murdered -a man in <em>London</em>, fled into Forreign Parts, and -living to and fro eighteen years, returning home -again as he walked one day through <em>Cheap-side</em>, -he heard a cry behind him, stop him, stop him, -seeing a great quantity of People making towards -him, presently fell a running with all the speed he -could, the rabble seeing two run as if it were for -their lives, divided themselves and in their pursuit -they took the Thief they chiefly run after, -and seizing the Gentleman who run they knew not -for what, he cryed out, pray be civil Gentlemen -it is confest I am the man; upon farther enquiry -found him from his own mouth to be a Murderer -of near twenty years standing.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Gaming had so general a possession of me, that -I could think of nothing else, and because I could -not always meet in my ramble in the City with -such as suited my purpose: I frequented ordinaries -where I never mist of good chear, nor variety -of Company. For about one of the Clock you -are sure to have an excellent dinner provided by -way of ordinary; where you shall have so many -choice dishes and wine, that the Master is always -a looser in his entertainment what cares he for -<span class='pageno' id='Page_232'>232</span>that? the box shall make all good again. Gentlemen -of quality and civility frequent this Table, -and after dinner will play a while for Recreation -moderately and commonly without deserving reproof, -but the generality of such as meet there are -<em>Wit-shifters</em>. Some have frequented the house -to eat only there being such excellent provision, -and cheaper than they can get elsewhere, and -never play at all only look on, but being once taken -notice of they shall have small encouragement -to come again.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Here I came acquainted and did so commonly -frequent all houses of this function, that I shall -endeavour to give you an account of what I either -acted or observed in the time of my converse -amongst these Esquires of the Elbow.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c004'>CHAP. XVIII.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><em>He here discovers the cheats of Gameing, the Nature -and quality of an Ordinary, relating what manner -of Persons they are which frequent it, with -many pleasant stories intermixt, with a dehortation -from playing at Dice.</em></p> - -<p class='drop-capa0_2_0_7 c011'>All the day long there is not much playing -in an Ordinary, what there is, is amongst -Gentlemen and the more civiliz’d sort of Persons, -but towards Night these Houses are throng’d with -People of all sorts and qualities and then when -ravenous Beasts usually seek their prey, there -comes in Shoals of Hectors, Trappanners, Guilts, -Pads, Biters, Priggs, Divers, Lifters, Kidnappers, -Vouchers, Mill-Kens, Decoys, Shop-lifters, -Foilers, Bulkers, Droppers, Ramblers, Dounakers -<span class='pageno' id='Page_233'>233</span>and Crosbyters, <em>&c.</em> All these may be ranked -under the general appellation of <em>Rooks</em>, this is the -Field where the seed of Hemp is sown, and grows -till the Gallows groans for it, this is <em>Tyburns</em> -Nursery, for yearly some or other of this cursed -gang go thither.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The first day I entred this <em>School of Vertue</em>, I -commenced Master of Arts, and would not easily -be confuted with their Sophistry, but when young -Gentlemen Prentices or Casheers come hither -unskil’d in the quibbles and devices here practised -they call him a Lamb, then straitways a -Rook (or more properly a Wolf) follows him -close, and engages him in advantagious betts, and -at length worries him, that is he so fleeceth him -as not to leave him a penny, and then the snearing -dogs will laughingly say see the Lamb is -bitten.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Some of these Rooks or Rogues if they perceive -you to be full of Money, though they never -saw you before, will impudently and importunately -strive to borrow Money of you without -the least intention of repaying, if you should be -so facile as to do it, or to go with you when you -are playing at Hazzard seven to twelve half a -crown, which is more then ten to one if you deny -them their unreasonable request, you shall find -them sometimes very angry. Others will watch -when you are serious at your Game whether your -Sword hangs loose behind that they may lift that -away, others will not scruple if they find an opportunity -to pick your pocket directly, if these -projects fail, then have at your Gold Buttons, if -you have any on your Cloak, or steal the Cloak -it self, if it either lye loose or careless. But above -<span class='pageno' id='Page_234'>234</span>all they have a trick you cannot avoid, which is -to throw at your Money with a <em>dry Fist</em> (as they -term it) that is if they nick you (<em>id est</em> win) ’tis -theirs, if they loose they owe you so much, if you -demand your money they will peremptorily tell -you anon will serve turn, and then it may be a -Rascally Boxkeeper that usually snips with him, -shall excuse him, saying he is a very honest Gentleman, -Sir you need not mistrust him, whereas -he knows no body will trust him with a <em>Newgate</em> -groat, if you chance to nick them, its ten to one -but they will wait your coming out at night and -beat you soundly.</p> - -<p class='c012'>I saw a couple of blades (Gentilely garb’d) enter -one evening the Ordinary; they were lookers -on a while, at length there being a vacant Room, -one of them pulls the chair and sits down, as the -box came still round he passed it, doing it so -often said one angerly, if you will not throw sir -what sit you there for? hereupon he snatcht up -the box, saying, set me what you will Sir I will -throw at it, the other hearing him say so, did set -him two Guinneys, which he nickt, the Gentleman -being vext did set him four more, with a -round parcel of Silver, which he won also. Now -did the whole Table concern themselves buttering -him, that is, doubling or trebbling what they -did set before, yet could not turn his hand, which -was so successful that he held in eleven mains together, -and just as he had almost broke the Table -he chanc’t to throw out, having got his hat full -of Money he arose from the Table and went to -the fire with his Comrade, who asked him how -he durst be so impudently bold to adventure -after that manner knowing he had not a Cross -<span class='pageno' id='Page_235'>235</span>about him to bless himself with all; how is that -said one of the loosers who overheard what was -said, had you no Money when you went to play, -it matters not replied the winner I have enough -now, had I lost having not wherewithal to pay you, -why then ye must have been content to kick me -so long till ye should say yourselves ye were satisfied; -besides Sir I am a Souldier, and have past -through many a brunt, venturing my life hard for -eight pence a day, and do you think now I would -not hazard a kicking or a pumping for so many -fair pounds, all that were there concerned smiled -at his confidence, but he laught heartily at their -folly and his own good fortune. <em>Well may he -laugh that wins.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'>Did you but see what passions and how divers -effects do vary men into several postures, you -would absolutely conclude the place to be <em>Bedlam</em> -instead of an Ordinary; you may observe one -loosing to gnaw the box in pieces, or take the sawcer -of Dice and throw it over his head, whilst the -winning caster smiles and is merry as a Bee, another -you may see who hath lost all his Money, standing -like <em>Pontius Pilate</em> in the old Primmer, or -like some antick figure in a suit of hangings as -motion less and almost as liveless.</p> - -<p class='c012'>A Gentleman I took notice of one day, who -loosing (what moneys he had about him) sate -very pensively, in steps a young blade in this interval -and briskly took up the box, but it came -not to his hands above thrice, before he had lost -all he had brought in with him, which so inraged -the Noddy that he behaved himself like a meer -frantick Fellow, swearing Damme was not I a -villain in less than an hour to loose four pounds, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_236'>236</span>this melancholly person hearing him swear and -fret for a sum so inconsiderable to what he had -lost, Damm you (said he) Damme that have lost -fourscore pounds in half an hour, it seems the -greater looser thought it a piece of injustice the -lesser should be damn’d before him. Frequent -are the quarrels in this place occasioned by the -heat of Wine before they came in or by loss made -chollerick afterwards; Swords commonly drawn, -or boxes and Candlesticks thrown at one anothers -heads; sometimes the Rooks will raise a seeming -feud (especially when their stocks are low) when they -see a Table covered with money, which may give -them an occasion to scramble; such are the usual -garboyls in this place that they form a perfect -type of Hell.</p> - -<p class='c012'>I cannot forbear smiling when I think of a certain -passage one time at an Ordinary. A <a id='corr236.16'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='Gentlemen'>Gentleman</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_236.16'><ins class='correction' title='Gentlemen'>Gentleman</ins></a></span> -who was well stored with Gold played high, -and in a little time had not one penny left he first -splits the Box, & then Box the Box-keeper, having -so done, takes off his own hat from his head -which was black, dame, said he, who dares say -this hat is not white, he is a son of a whor that -will not say so, the standers by seeing his loss had -made him mad, replyed not a word; he perceiving -on the other side that none would quarrel with -him, seats himself, and fell fast asleep; another -Gentleman who had lost as much or more than -the former came to him who slept, and awakeing -him, what is that you said Sir, is your black hat -white, it’s a damn’d lye, I say it’s blew, deny it if -you dare. The Gentleman was well pleased to -see one madder then himself, and therefore without -passion desired him to go and sleep as he had -done, and on his awaking they should not differ -<span class='pageno' id='Page_237'>237</span>about the colour, into what frenzies do these -damn’d Dice put men into?</p> - -<p class='c012'>When late at night and the Company grows thin -and your eyes dim with watching, then is the time -for false Dice to be put on the ignorant, then also is -there a security in, Palming, Topping, Slurring, <em>&c.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'>There are a certain sort of gentle and subtle -Rooks whose outside speaks as much a Gentleman -as most of the first magnitude. This Cunningham -seldom plays in an Ordinary, yet will sit -there a whole evening to the intent he may observe -who winns, if considerable, and the winner -seem Plyable, generous, and Bubbable, he will -some way or other insinuate into his acquaintance -by applauding his happy hand, congratulating his -success <em>&c.</em> and then familiarly, yet civily prompt -him to a glass of Wine that they may drink to -the continuance of that good fortune.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Having gotten him to the Tavern he is sure to -wheadle him into Play, and by hook or by crook -(as we use to say) he is sure to winn some if not -all his money; and that he may not be suspected -for not playing squarely he will (if he be sure of -his bubble) loose considerably sometimes, but in -the long run he is sure to recover it again. I was -several times so served but they could do no good -upon me; yet notwithstanding that by my frequent -practice I had gain’d a great deal of skill -and crafty knowledge in the Dice, I lost, spent, -and consumed all my moneys, and therefore I -shall advise all to detest this abominable kind of -life; if the most certain loss of your money will -do it: I do undertake to demonstrate that any -one with constant play upon the square shall be -looser at the years end. I have heard it very confidently -aver’d by an eye witness that three Gentlemen -<span class='pageno' id='Page_238'>238</span>sate down at twelve penny Inn and Inn; -each of them drew three pound a piece in two houres -time, the box had four pounds of the money.</p> - -<p class='c012'>And that I may further perswade all men from -gaming, consider how few there are if any who -have gotten an Estate by play, but how many -thousand antient and worthy families have been -ruined and destroyed thereby. It is confest there -is no constant gamester but at one time or other -hath a considerable run of winning; but such is -the infatuation of play, that I could never hear -of any that could give over when they were -well. I have known those have gotten many -hundreds of pounds, and have rested a while -with an intention never to play more; but by -over perswasion, having broke bulk, as they -term it, were in again for all and lost it.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Besides if a man hath a good parcel of money -’tis extreme folly to play whether himself or -another shall be possessor thereof; if his stock be -small it is downright madness to hazard that the -loss whereof shall reduce a man to beggery. -Moreover if you were but sensible of the anguish -that is upon that mans spirit the next morning, -having slept upon the loss of his money now irrecoverable, -it would deter any one from ever medling -with the cursed cause of so much vexation and -trouble; what I now say is the product of wofull -experience.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>————<em>Experto credo Roberto.</em></div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>To conclude, having lost all my money, I began to -grow miserably poor, to prevent the further increase -of my wants I sought out my old Master whom I -found upon the <em>Royal Exchange</em>, upon our going off -<span class='pageno' id='Page_239'>239</span>for joy to see me, carryed me to a Tavern where -I acquainted him with all my Land Travels since -my leaving him, and assuring him I was weary -of living longer ashore, he advised me to go with -him, and he would make me his mate, I gladly -contented and in that quality I sail’d with him -for <em>Guinney</em>.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Our Captain had thus far proceeded in recounting -the memorable passages of his life, as we were -making ready to cast Anchor, we being at that -time not above a league from <em>Naples</em> overjoy’d at -the succesfulness of this our petty Voyage, we made -ourselves all ready to go ashore; landing, our greatest -care was to get convenient Lodgings, with some difficulty -we obtain’d them, and having settled our -selves in them, immediately got our Bills of Exchange -accepted, till they came due we fitted our -selves with all things both necessary and pleasurable, -yet for some important Reasons for a while we laid -an imbargo on our accustomed profest Extravagancies, -keeping a strict rein on our head-strong wills -and desires, but having received our Money we no -longer dallied with our delights, but gave them -leave to court us in what pleasant shapes they -judged most convenient for our satisfaction.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Every day produced its new divertisement, -every hour each of us studied how we might appear -Rivals to the most Epicurean critical pallated -Poleanate of the Universe, for since we were sailing -in the Ocean of <em>Senseless Security</em> under a stiff -gale of <em>Plenty</em>, we shaped our course for the <em>Port -of Sensuality</em>. The time being expired we had -our Money paid us to a Doit, with as much respect -as if we had been the greatest Merchants -in <em>Europe</em>, desiring our further acquaintance and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_240'>240</span>correspondence, which we promised not so much -to traffick with them as to play some tricks upon -them.</p> - -<p class='c012'>As our Lodgings were large and sumptuous -sparing no cost for their furniture, so were our habits -very rich (<em>modo Neapolitano</em>) wearing about -us as many precious stones dayly as would have -been a good return for a young Merchant after a -three years sweating expectation: the gloriousness -of our outward appearances made us no less -a wonder to the <em>Neapolitan</em> Inhabitants than we -were to our selves, for we now began to admire -one another having totally forgotten what once -we were. Mr. <em>Goose-quill</em> the Scrivener strutted the -Streets strangely whose garb and gait flourisht -like the <em>Capital T</em> of <em>This Indenture</em>, the state of -his present <em>Condition</em> made him receive many an -<em>Obligation</em>, which he always generously <em>cancel’d</em> -and continually <em>obliged</em> others on <em>valuable considerations</em>. -The Drugster notwithstanding all his -striving, to seem otherwise, yet still showed himself -to be a Chip of the old Block, a rasp of Log-wood, -and scented strongly of his old occupation. His -habit prompted him to personate the <em>Spaniard</em>; -which he did so scurvily that never did <em>thing</em> appear -more prepostorous, had you seen him walk -you would have sworn all his Members were in an -uprore or about to revolt from their Principal; for -his Whiskers <em>tilted</em> his eyes, and they again being -inraged to be confined within such narrow limits -by their staring seemed to strive to come out that -they might check the insolency of that audacious -beard; and as for his arms and legs there was not -the least correspondency; for his hands were in a -continual motion being every minute imploy’d in -<span class='pageno' id='Page_241'>241</span>cocking his Beaver upon one side, but his legs -moved so slowly and stately, that they seemed to -be offended at their slavish Office, showing their -loathness by their slowness to be Porters to a -burden of so little worth. <em>Doll</em> as she had been -conversant amongst the Gentry, so in her deportment -she behaved her self as well as any of the -best education; but for <em>Jenny</em> I could hardly -forbear laughing, to see how the proud <em>Minks</em> -would jut it as she went, her Milking-Pail, and -dragled tail, were clean out of her remembrance, -so was her being a <em>Motly-Wast-coteer</em>, there being -not the least track of her former condition discoverable, -she resolved to make others esteem of -her by the value she did put on her self, not rating -her condition as she was the quondam off-spring -of Curds and Cream, but prizing it as one of -Fortunes darlings, whom neither Cloaths nor -Money could make more splendid, and as for an -haughty spirit now unmatchable; I took upon -me (as well I thought I might) to check her for -giving six hundred Crowns for a Locket, she -smartly took me up, what said she though I was -born in the Ebb of Fortune, will you now intrench -and wound the liberty my better stars -have conferred upon me? To be plain I will not -have my desires and pleasures circumscribed and -taught me since I have enough and will enjoy it. -Sir if you once begin to be narrow minded, you -will be a Thief both to the esteem and enjoyment -you may have in the world, I will not be limited -to please your fancy as for my delights I will -pursue them in what shapes I fancy both at home -and abroad, I will spare no cost that may engage -wide mouth’d report to proclaim the boundlessness -<span class='pageno' id='Page_242'>242</span>of my pleasures and gallantry; all the Wits -of the City I will ingage with Sack and Money -to write Panegyricks on my Gaudy and Witty -superfluities, not a <em>Cavaleero</em> in <em>Naples</em>, but shall -vail his bonnet at my Balcony, and when I please -the splendor of my habit shall fix my Gazers as -Statues in the place they stand. I thought she -was mad till she smilingly took me by the hand, -saying you see <em>Latroon</em> I have a Soul as if Nobility -had waited on my Cradle, however, my -will shall alwayes be in subordination to yours.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>As for the Captain he was a Man well read, -and having seen the world, the novelty of a place -never alter’d him, he had a good natural genius, -and very facetious in discourse which appears sufficiently -by the witty narrative of his Life, the -relation whereof, did infinitely please us, but most -especially my <em>Jenny</em>, who would often repeat to -me some passages, but one day after dinner being -altogether she took occasion to speak of the Captains -gaming and other Extravagancies, and having -drawn several good Observations from them, -she desired the Company to give her audience, -and she would give an account of a notable Extravagant, -a young Man of her acquaintance, but -as an introduction to her story, she begg’d leave -to speak something of his Father first, and thus -she began.</p> -<div class='figcenter id005'> -<img src='images/i_242fp.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' /> -</div> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_243'>243</span> - <h2 class='c004'>CHAP. XIX.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><em>A Brewers-Clerk cheating his Master, is taken in -the manner: Afterwards, he having buried his -Master, by a politick Project is married to his -Mistress; he buries her, and is married to a -Countrey-maid; who understanding her Husbands -Riches, puts him to great expences in -new furnishing the House, and extravagantly -fitting her against, and in her lying in.</em></p> - -<p class='drop-capa0_2_0_7 c011'>I Remember (said Mrs. <em>Jane</em>) when I lived in -<em>London</em>, there was a jolly old Blade, who was -then the Aldermans Deputy of the Ward, and -who was reported to be worth the better part of -10000 <em>lib.</em> that had in his youth been a notable -Gamester, and many tricks he had used before his -<em>Mercury</em> was fix’d, and became settled in the -World. He had Travelled and Rambled many -years by Sea and Land, and had tried and tasted -all Fortunes and Conditions; and Fortune had -alwayes been so much his friend, as to bring him -off without a scratch’d face, no great, no sensible -disaster; at length, being somewhat weary of the -Ramble, he resolved to take up and follow some -imployment. He was fitted for any imployment, -and yet not rightly fitted for none. But -being of a good Capacity, he was entertained by -a Brewer to be his desperate Clerk, that is to -say, to gather up the desperate Debts. This was -an Imployment very fit for him, for it gave him -large convenience to Ramble; for the Brewer, -who had been a great dealer, had Money oweing -him by several people, some whereof lived at one -end of the Town, and some at the other; so that -all parts of that great City, especially the out-parts, -his business lay in. He discharged this imployment -<span class='pageno' id='Page_244'>244</span>indifferently well, for his Masters profit, -and very well for his own; for he had power -if he could not get all, to compound with any of -the debtors for a part. And although his allowance, -being three shillings in the pound, was considerable, -yet he much augmented it by the tricks -he had; for although he received a Debt of five -pound or more, he would tell his Master, that he -could get but half; and sometimes, although -he received all, yet he would keep all to himself; -and by this means he raised to himself a pretty -fortune: and these tricks were usual with him, -especially if the people with whom he made this -profitable Bargain lived remote, or at any considerable -distance from his Masters habitation. -Among others that he thus compounded with, -there was an honest old Blade who lived near the -Tower, and had run 10 <em>lib.</em> in his Master the -Brewers debt; and through some misfortunes that -had befallen him, he left that end of the Town, -and went to dwell as far as St. <em>James’s</em> near <em>Westminster</em>; -some while he had dwelt there without -being known or inquired after; and now our -Clerk being imployed to look after him, among -others, was upon the hunt to find him: upon a -strict and diligent inquiry, he heard that he -dwelt at St. <em>James’s</em>. Wherefore the next time -his occasions call’d him that way, he there inquired -for him; after much inquiring, he heard -that the party had lived there, but was removed -to <em>Clarkenwel</em>; he therefore went thither, and -there, with as much trouble as before, he again -heard that he had dwelt there, but he had some -time since removed from thence to <em>Lyme-house</em>; -he made the same inquiry, and still heard of -another removal to <em>Lambeth</em>; and I think from -<span class='pageno' id='Page_245'>245</span>thence to two or three places; but in fine, he -found him, but it was in <em>Redriff</em>.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Having found out his Game, he strongely -charged him with the Debt aforesaid, and was -resolved that as he had taken so much pains, that -the poor man should pay for it; poor man you -must judge him to be, for it was impossible he -should be rich, that had in seven years made -so many removes. The money being demanded, -poverty was pleaded; but he was deaf on that -ear, and was resolved not to lose his labour. In -conclusion, the man being honest, was content to -pay, and that all too, provided he might have -time to do it; to this our Clerk was pretty wiling, -and an agreement was made up, to pay the -money by half a Crown a week. The man, although -he sometimes missed, yet when the Clerk -came and received not the money, he was to -spend 4<em>d.</em> and when he did pay, the Clerk agreed -to spend 2<em>d.</em> so that the Clerk seldom or never -missed to come and visit his Debter once every -week; and the poor man seeing that if he did -not pay him two shillings six pence, it was to his -dammage 4<em>d.</em> seldom miss’d him; and thus in -time, the Debt was paid, and the Clerk, in his -Matters behalf, gave a discharge.</p> - -<p class='c012'>But all this while his Master the Brewer knew -nothing of this matter, neither did his man -intend he should; for as he had taken extraordinary -pains in finding him out, so he was resolved -to have extraordinary gains, and indeed, -all for himself; and thought and judged -that as he had oftentimes kept all for himself, -so he might well do so now; for he -believed although his Master should go to some -Cunning-man, or the Devil himself, to find this -<span class='pageno' id='Page_246'>246</span>man who had so often removed his habitation, -yet he must loose his labour; and it being usual -with him when People were not to be found, to -write in the <em>Margin</em> of the Book where their -Debts were entred, <span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>Non est inventus</em></span>; and when -they were dead, and there was no possibility of -getting anything of them, to write <span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>Mortuus est</em></span>, -so that now he concluded that this fellow was so -far from being found, that he might write <span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>Mortuus -est</em></span>, and so he did in the Book aforesaid. His -Master had oftentimes looked over the Book, and -seeing those fatal words in the <em>Margin</em>, had passed -that Debt over, as he had done several others -with the same mark. But as the Proverb saith, -that the <em>Pitcher goes not so often to the water, but -that it comes home broken at last</em>; so, although -this our desperate Clerk had played many of -these pranks, and that without discovery, yet now -his time was come, and this business shewed him -in his colours.</p> - -<p class='c012'>This poor man, who I told you, lately lived at -<em>Rederiff</em>, had now made another remove, and -from thence was come again to St. <em>Katharines</em> -(which was near the Brewers habitation) and he -having been so honest as to pay the old Debt, was -resolved to try if his Credit would serve for a new: -wherefore having taken a new House, fitting for -the Ale-draping-Trade, he went one Morning to -the Brew-house; and having no acquaintance -there with any body but our desperate Clerk; he -inquired for him, but although he was there early, -he was never the nerer, for the Clerk was gone -out; and the old fellow sauntring about the yard, -at length the Brewer himself came out, and seeing -one waiting there, and as he supposed about -business too, he asked him if he would speak with -any body; the Fellow replyed yes, with his -<span class='pageno' id='Page_247'>247</span>Clerk; which of them, said the Brewer? Mr. <em>R.</em> -said the Fellow; the Brewer telling him that he -was not within, and asking him if he could not -do his business; yes, if you please Sir, replied the -Fellow: Well then, what is it, said the Brewer: -May it please you, Sir, I am an old Customer, -saith the Fellow, and have long time dealt with -you: and although I have been absent a great -while, yet I have been honest, and will be so still; -and being come to live near you, I desire you to -let me have some more drink: Well Friend, what -is your name, said the Brewer: <em>J. B.</em> said the -Fellow. How long since did you deal with me, -said the Brewer: Ten years, replyed the Fellow: -Whereupon the Brewer calling for his Book, -looked over, and at length found it, but found it -marked with a <span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>Mortuus est</em></span>: how now, said he -then, is your name <em>J. B.</em> and are you alive. Yes, -Sir, said the Fellow, your Clark knows me; for -I have paid him truly and honestly, and not long -since he received the last.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The Brewer hearing him say so, and now discovering -the whole story, and his Clerks knavery, -told the man that he would send him in some -Drink, but withal ordered him to come the next -morning about 9 a Clock. But before that time, -about 8, he took his Clerk to task, and pretending -to look over his Book in general, made several -stops and asked questions, but more particularly -when he came to this Debt; and he asking -if he never received any money of him; No, -Sir, said the Clerk, I could never find him; and -at length I did hear of him, but <span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>Mortuus est</em></span>, Sir, -He’s dead long since. Are you sure of it, replyed -the Brewer: Yes, Sir, said the Clerk, I am certainly -sure of it; what I have writ there is infallible: -<span class='pageno' id='Page_248'>248</span>But I doubt it will not prove so, said the -Master; and thereupon, seeing the Customer -come in, he said, look, sure this is he, or his -Ghost. Our Clerk too well knowing the matter, -and that it was so apparent, knew not what to -say or do, but knowing that he was in a fault, -and caught too, and being guilty of many more -such tricks, and doubting they would all come -out, cryed <em>Peccavi</em>, and desired Pardon: but his -Master believing him to be more Knave than he -yet knew, told him his thoughts, and (withal) -that he would lay him Jayl. The Clerk hearing -that lamentable word, told his Master he would -prevent him by drowning himself; and thereupon -the house being by the water-side, he ran -thither, in order to his resolution. The Brewer -hearing the Clerks resolution of drowning himself, -and doubting that he might be so desperate as to -do so, sent after him to stop and hinder him; for -he considered that he should not only be somewhat -guilty of his death, but also loose by it, for -he had all his Books and Tallies about him; and -if he should miscarry, he was not able to prove -many debts that were owing to him, wherefore -he not only saved his life, but told him, he forgave -him that misdemeanor, and would not ask -him any satisfaction, whereupon he rested contented: -But this miscarriage of his was such a -blot in his Scutchion, that he was called <span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>Mortuus -est</em></span>, to his dying day.</p> - -<p class='c012'>But thus as he had over-reached, out-witted, -or, I may truly say, Cheated his Master the -Brewer, so he did, after him deal with his Mistress, -but after a different manner: for his Master -soon after dying, and leaving a plentiful Estate, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_249'>249</span>and only a Widow to enjoy it; she knowing her -Clerks abilities were sufficient, and now not -doubting his honesty, gave him a very large allowance, -and made him chief Clerk, and Overseer -of all, he being in this high employment, was -somewhat covetous, but more ambitious, and these -two passions raised another, which he termed -Love; and who should he be in Love with but -his Mistress: and as he was her Overseer, so he -intended to be her Husband. Before he had -the confidence to court her, he pretended to the -Servants and others, that he did so, and this was -out of Pollicie to hinder the Courtships of all -others. So that by that time his Mistress understood -and knew his pretensions, all others did -talk of the time of his Marriage: One, in his fancie, -appointing at such a time, and another at -such a time: so that he letting his Mistress know -his passion, as he termed it, she heard that all her -Servants, nay, and some of her Friends talked so -freely of it, as if they seemed to allow of it.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>She was much troubled at the boldness of her -Servant, and forbid his prosecution of his Suit, -telling him that he shall lose his labour; but he, -now he was in, was resolved to go through with -his bold undertaking, persevered in it, and used -all the Courtships that were usual on that account. -It was his place to receive and pay all -Moneys, so that all the Servants both men and -women, came to him for their wages; and he -giving them a cast in his Office, and using them -courteously, they dealt with and for him accordingly; -besides this, he had bestowed some moneys -and presents on the Chamber-maid, who -<span class='pageno' id='Page_250'>250</span>had promised to be at his direction, and to stand -his friend in every thing; and indeed she used all -her little Rhetorick in his behalf.</p> - -<p class='c012'>He being still refused by his Mistress, was resolved -to hazzard all at once, and therefore he -caused the Chamber-maid to tell it as a secret -that two dayes after that, he was to be married to -her Mistress: All the Servants told it to one another -whisperingly, and together they provided a -noise of Musick to welcome him up on the next -Morning: He having thus laid his Plot, and the -time being come, about five of the Clock of the -next morning after his pretended Wedding-day, -by the Chamber-maids connivance he got into -his Mistresses Bed-Chamber; and he had not -staid there long, but the Musick coming under -the Chamber window, tuned their instruments, -and struck up a lusty measure: his Mistress being -awaked at the noise, cried out, and asked, -what is the matter? He being in his Night-Cap, -and without a Doublet in his shirt, drawing the -Curtains, told her, that the matter she should presently -hear: She seeing him in the chamber, and -in that posture, wondring at the occasion, called -out for the Maid; who although she was near -enough, yet would not hear her; she believing that -she was betrai’d, thought to cry out, and began -to do so, but could not be heard for the noise of -the Musick. By this time the Musicians had -finished their first tune, and then, as usual, they -cryed out, <em>Good Morrow, Mr. Bride-groom</em>; -<em>Good Morrow Mrs. Bride, Heavens give you joy</em>. -What Bride, and Bridegroom, do they mean, -said the Woman. Why, said he, they mean us -two; for it having been strongly reported -<span class='pageno' id='Page_251'>251</span>that we were married yesterday, the Musick are -come this Morning to play us up, and truly, continued -he, I was just now informed of it, and -hoping it is by your appointment; and that at -length you intend it shall be so, I am come to -try your disposition: and thereupon he forced a -Kiss from her; and said, Madam, will you be -pleased to own this Wedding? No, said she, nor -you neither: Then I will, said he; and thereupon -the Musick having now plaid another Lesson, he -in that posture threw them out of the window -four half-Crown-pieces; and standing in that -posture for some time, shewed himself, and spake -to the Servants and others that were there assembled. -And now the Musick having plaid their -last Lesson, saluting him with a <em>Thank you Mr. -Bridegroom</em>, they departed. He now coming to -the bed-side, sat down by his Mistress, and told -her, All her people had shewed themselves joyful -in his supposed happiness, and that therefore he -hoped she would really make him so, by doing -that in earnest, that all the World thought was -so; and, said he, do you say what you will, it -will be thought that it is so, and that I have lain -all this Night in your Chamber.</p> - -<p class='c012'>She would not answer him one word, so pensive -she was, in considering what had hapen’d; but at -length she told him, that if yet he would obey -her in any thing, she desired him to call her Maid; -he who knew that the Maid would not prejudice -him, soon called her; and she was no sooner -come into her Mistresses sight, but she cryed out, -Oh Lord, Mistress, how joyful I am; at what, -replyed the Mistress; that you and Mr. <em>R.</em> are -marryed; why, who tells you so, said the Mistress? -<span class='pageno' id='Page_252'>252</span>All the World, said the Maid, not only -our family but all the street know it, and the -Musick too thankt you for your liberal rewarding -them. The Mistress hearing that the Maid was -of this mind, did believe that she said true, and -that all the Town would ere long be of her -opinion; wherefore chiding her Maid for leaving -the door open, and telling her, that although all -the world did, or might believe that she was married, -yet she could say, and swear the contrary, -for that she had been her Bed-fellow that night; -and therefore, said she, I expect that you will go -and undeceive them, and tell them so. The Maid -replyed, that although she knew what she said was -true, yet she wished it were otherwise; and added, -that Mr. <em>R.</em> was more fit to be her Bed-fellow than -she was. Well, well, Gossip, replied the Mistress, -then you must appoint me what to do. No, answered -the Maid, but I only tell you my opinion. -No more, said the Mistress, and thereupon was a -great silence between them. But Mr. <em>R.</em> being -resolved to try her a little further, made a sign to -the Maid to leave the Chamber; she obey’d him, -and he then again fell to wooing it with his Mistress; -who although she gave him no answer for -a long time, yet she thought the more and paid -it with thinking, and considering the case truly as -it stood in every respect, he over-ruled and overcame -her; whether he gave her then an earnest -penny (as he was like enough to do) or no, I know -not; but he keeping her company for some hours, -and by her consent getting a Coach, he clapt her -into it; and going to the next Church, sent for a -Parson, and there that was done in earnest, that -had been so well presented in jest; and the next -<span class='pageno' id='Page_253'>253</span>night he did lie with her; and that he might be -sure to have Witnesses of his being in bed with her, -several of their acquaintance were admitted into -the Chamber.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>By this device (said Mrs. <em>Mary</em>) did this Clerk -get him a Wife, and an Estate to boot, and that a -very considerable one, which he looked after warily -and carefully; and as an old Whore-master is the -fittest person to make a Justice of the Peace, to -punish that in others which he by experience -knows more than ordinary, or for envy that he -cannot prosecute his old courses. So this Clerk -having been a sinner, and having been guilty of -cheating his Master, was now too cunning to suffer -any of his Under-Officers to serve him in the same -manner. And he so well followed this course, that -he became Rich; and when his wife died, which -was some years after, he had scraped such an -Estate together, that he was looked upon to be -one of the most considerable persons in the Parish.</p> - -<p class='c012'>His Wife being dead, and he being now an old -Fox, was resolved to be wary in his second choice, -and to have both pleasure and profit: and not -having any Children by his old Wife, intended to -have one that might be in possibility of bringing -those that might Heir his Estate.</p> - -<p class='c012'>He therefore putting himself into as youthful a -habit as he could, woed several Maids of good -birth and Quality; and in the end, the <em>London</em> -Lasses not fitting his humour, as being too wantonly -and tenderly bred, and therefore proud and -chargeable, he went into the Countrey, where he -found one, who not being above four and twenty -years of age, well bred, and one who had 400 <em>lib.</em> -to her portion, and was sufficiently handsom; to -<span class='pageno' id='Page_254'>254</span>this Maiden thus qualified, he being now sixty -years of Age was marryed: she at first proved to -be what he expected, an obedient and loving -wife; but in short time, understanding her Husbands -Quality, that he was the chiefest man in -the Parish, and thereby understanding her own, -and being visited by, and visiting of her Neighbours, -and seeing their manners and customes, -their entertainments, habits, houshold-stuff and -other Ornaments for themselves and houses, and -believing that they were below her in Quality, it -was not long ere she by their example desired, -nay demanded the like; she would frequently -tell her Husband, that she had been at such a -Neighbours, and there saw such and such a suit -of Curtains and Vallence which were better and -more in fashion than hers; and when by her perswasions -or flattery she had obtained the like, -then she complained that the Bed-stead was an -old-fashion’d one, and that must be changed: -next, that she must have new Chairs and Stools -suitable to the Curtains; and then she rested not -there, until she had gotten a new suit of hangings -suitable to the Curtains and Stools; and now she -stopp’d in her expences that way, but exceeded -in another; for this new Furniture being had, all -her Neighbours, Friends, and Acquaintance must -be invited, one after another, to her house to -see what an alteration she had made, and -to have their opinions how they liked them. -And these Friends must be treated with Wine -and Junckets, and their Opinions being asked, one -said, that indeed all was well, but that the Looking-glass -she had was unsuitable, and an old pittiful -thing, and therefore a new one must be had; another -found fault with the brass Andirons in the Chimney, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_255'>255</span>and that all that furniture must be changed; -and a third said, there wanted a handsom Cabinet -or Chest of Drawers: and now she had the opinion -of her Neighbours, she never let her Husband rest, -night or day, till all these things were done as she -desired. The Chamber being thus set in order, -the Kitchen was the next thing to be considered -of, and there the Pewter first appeared, and that -being old-fashioned, and being purchased at several -times, was all differently marked; wherefore -all that was changed for other that was of a -newer fashion; and that she might be <em>a-la-mode</em>, -there must be no Letter-Marks on it, but on every -piece there must be the Coat of Arms of her -Husband, and hers empaled, engraven on them; -and it may be, he being unacquainted with any -Arms of his own or hers either, must be at the -charge to search the Heralds-Office for them; -and they being found out, (for money rarely misses -to make any man so much a Gentleman as to -have a Coat) they must also be fairly painted, to -hang up in the Hall; and the affairs in the Kitchen -not being yet throughly reformed, the good -old Andirons are changed into a new-fashion’d -Range or Grate; and now all the Pewter being -new, the shelves and dressers must be new made -and new painted, as all the Kitchin was likewise. -Thus did this Woman employ her self in the day -time, and at night, he first giving her a grant that -she should have the thing she desired, she requited -him in the best manner she could: and he employed -himself so well, that she was with Child; -and in short time she being confirmed in the -opinion that she was so, her Stomach was very -squeamish, and she must have Caudles and Cordials -of all sorts; for the making and ordering -<span class='pageno' id='Page_256'>256</span>of which, she had the advice of an hundred Midwives, -Nurses, and Gossips; and then she longed -for all things she saw or heard of, especially such -things as were scarce and costly, as Cherries and -Strawberries in <em>March</em> and <em>April</em>, when she was -forced to give 12<em>d</em> or 18<em>d</em> a piece for them; but -when <em>May</em> came, and that they were any thing -cheaper, she cared not for them. And next, all -her business was in making provision against the -Bantling should come to Town; there must be -new Blankets, Beds, Rowlers, Pilches, Clouts, -Shirts, Head-bands, Biggins, and a world of such -kind of little Utensils provided; and the Cradle -and Groaning-Chair must also be bought and -made ready, and the Mantles which had served -his former old Wife were too much out of fashion -to be used now, (it is well if the best of them will -serve for an ordinary Blanket) and a new one -must be bought, and not one would serve the -turn, but several there must be; one for the -Chamber, another for to carry the Child abroad -in, in Summer; another warmer, for the Winter; -and above all these, there must be one costly -one, wherein the Child must be dressed to be -Christned in; (for it is too mechanical and base -to use that of the Midwives) and it may be another -must be had to spread upon the Bed. All -these things were provided, and the Clouts and -other linnen being made, several Washers and -Starchers were employed to wash, starch, -rub, slick, pinch, and make up this parcel, which -must be laid up in Sweet-Powder in her new -Chest of Drawers. These things being thus provided -she had not yet done, but still wanted more, -but especially two or three Baskets, one whereof being -of fine wicker or rods, or else of Wire-work and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_257'>257</span>beads; or else wire-work and Cloves, or else somewhat -that is more fantastical, and by consequence, -more costly, and one of these she had, and with it -at least 20 dozen yards of several Colours of penny-Ribbons -to be tied in curious knots about the -basket. All these things the good old man gave -Money to his Wife to provide; and these pretty -things together amounted to a great sum. But -all of them was nothing considerable to her next -demand, and that was a Cup-boards-head of Plate; -some there was in the house, <em>viz.</em> a beer-bowl, a -Beaker, a Salt, and a dozen of Apostle Spoons: -but these must be changed, and others provided; -<em>viz.</em> one large Tanckard, two smaller of an equal -size, one Plate, one Sugar-dish, two or three Porringers, -two Caudle-Cups, two dozen of Spoons, -a couple of Candlesticks, one pair of Snuffers; -and such a large Inventory of this kind of Ware -she did reckon up, that it troubled her Husband, -and almost broke his heart to think how to satisfie -the ambitious humour of his Wife; but knowing -that there was no quietness without, he also bought -and provided all these several parcels, and upon -every piece of Plate their Coat of Arms were engraven: -If I should reckon up all the other things, -Sugar, Spice, Wine and Sweet-meats to be used -at the crying out; to which was added <em>Westphalia</em> -Hams, Neats-Tongues, Geese, and such kind -of Victuals as would toll down the Liquor and -make the womens tongues run glib; but above -all a groaning Cheese, and then other sorts of Provisions, -as Quilts for the Bed, Sheets, Pillowbeers, -Cloaks for her self to sit up in, Pinners, Cloves, -and a world of such kind of trinckets; I should not -please you, but tire my self, but the time of her -<span class='pageno' id='Page_258'>258</span>crying out being near at hand, She tired the Midwife, -Nurse, and Servants, and her Husband too, -with her continual false Alarms. But at length, -her full time being come, and the Fruit being ripe, -it must fall; and after all this diligence in watching -and attendance and great Cost and <a id='corr258.6'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='Charges.'>Charges,</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_258.6'><ins class='correction' title='Charges.'>Charges,</ins></a></span> -in the Provision aforesaid, She was delivered of -one of the worser sort, a pitiful piss-kitching puling -Girl: Although their expectations were all -frustrated, as expecting a Son and Heir, yet it -could not be, they must be content; and the -woman was well enough satisfied, as being told -that when a Boy is born, the Father is better -pleased; and when a Girl, then the Mother; and -She believing this Maxime to be true, hoped that -it was a good Omen that she should for the future, -prevail over, and command her Husband.</p> - -<p class='c017'><em>The Child being born, and likely enough to live, the -women fell to, and in an hours time eat up, and drank -off all this provision, and then their tongues ran like -so many Mill-clacks; every one handling, dandling, -kissing and spending their Verdict about this Bantling. -One said, it was as like the Father as if it -had been spit out of his mouth; another, that it had -his very Nose; a third, that it was mouth’d like the -Mother; and a fourth, that it had its Fathers eyes; -and thus they all spent their Verdict: and although -they all spake differently of the Child, yet all must -and did conclude that it was very like the Father. -He poor man was called up amongst them, and according -to custom being to kiss all the women, was -much puzled to do it in an orderly manner; for she -that was finest, thought her self to be best, and therefore -first to be saluted; she that was eldest expected -<span class='pageno' id='Page_259'>259</span>the same: and accordingly several of them put themselves -forwards, so that he did not know when he had -done; but at length they all having joyed him of his -young Daughter, they sat down, and then kissed he -his little one, but durst not do so to his wife without -the Nurses leave, lest she should exact the usual fee of -a pair of Gloves: wherefore he seeing that there was -Charge enough already, was resolved to avoid all -that he could.</em></p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'><em>His wife, now having a Child must have all fitting -appendixes and attendants to it; and she being -resolved not to give her self the trouble of nursing -it her self, and being withal too fond of her Baby to -have it out of her sight, therefore Nurses were -sought out,</em> viz. <em>a dry-Nurse, and a wet-Nurse; one -to suckle the Child, and another to wash the Clouts, -and rock, and attend it; besides a third, to attend -the woman. But although she did not resolve to -suckle the Child her self, yet she had a considerable -trouble to dry up her Milk; for she was forced to -have a woman to draw her Breasts first, and then -to use Towe, Sage-Possets, and other things, to dry -it up. This was her trouble; but her Husbands -trouble and Charges were intollerable. There was -every day something or another wanting; and being -resolved to manage his affairs himself, and receive -and pay all, had enough to; and it almost broke his -heart to see how trivially and vainly his money was -drawn from him upon his wifes account. He now -wished his old Wife alive, or that he had not tried -the troublesome effects of being married to a young -woman; but this repentance came too late, and seeing -he could not help it, he was resolved to bear all -patiently.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'><span class='pageno' id='Page_260'>260</span><em>The Child and Wife being both now in a fit condition, -the Child was to be Christned; the trouble of -getting or procuring God-Fathers and God-Mothers -was little trouble to him, for he had too great an acquaintance -to be unprovided of choice of them. But -the charge of that Ceremony was very chargeable. -There were Glovs for the Midwife, Deputy-Midwife, -Nurses, Servitors, and all his Servants; and such -costly Services for the women, as cost him many a -sigh to consider of it. And this being over, his house -was every day filled with Gossipings, who although, -as is usual, they brought the meat, yet he found the -sawce, which was always as chargeable as the rest. -And he was used to say on these occasions, that -although the Guests brought their own Victuals, yet -he that laid the Cloth paid the greatest share. There -was such revelling and noise, such laughing and -merry-making, that his head was so disordered, that -he neglected and could not keep his accounts in their -usual method.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'><em>But as all times run on and will have their period, -so this time had an end, but his Charge had none; -for his wife being able to sit up and appear to her Gossips, -in that posture She was to be provided with a -new morning-Gown, and Sattin Cloke to sit up in; -and no sooner was that made, but order was given -for a new Tabbee-Gown, and Sattin-Petticoat for -her to go abroad in, it being, as they told him, a -beggerly business to permit his wife to wear old -Clothes at her first going abroad; and the Exchange -was examined for all the newest fashion’d appurtenances, -that in every thing she might appear like his -wife; and all this they told him, must necessarily be -done for his Credit. Although he knew it was more -for his profit and Credit too to be furnished with large -<span class='pageno' id='Page_261'>261</span>bags full of ready money to pay people on his necessary -occasions, yet he was forced to empty some of them -in these extravagant vanities. A great Feast being -made on that day moneth that his wife was brought -to bed, and she being then Churched, and having -walked abroad to shew her self in her new Clothes, -at night he thought he should quietly have gone to -bed to her, but he was forbidden that by the Nurse, -because forsooth, all the groaning-Cheese was not -eaten up, but he being willing to put an end to all -these fooleries together; and hoping this was the -last of them, compounded with her, and so he had -admittance.</em> And thus was all this great troublesom -and chargeable business ended.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Thus (continued Mrs. <em>Jane</em>) was the charge -and trouble of this business over, but the continued -Charge and trouble that his Wife still -put him to on all occasions did not cease, but -did so afflict and torment him, that he often -wished himself unmarried.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_262'>262</span> - <h2 class='c004'>CHAP. XX.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><em>In short time after the old Mans Wife is with -Child again, and brought to bed of a Son, to the -great charge of the Father. The Old Mans ways -of getting Moneys and his covetous humour of -stealing Bricks: he is caught in the manner, and -made to pay for it; also he is forced to wade -through the water by his Covetousness. The Extravagancies -of the young Son, who being corrected -by his School Master, in revenge breaks his -Windows: His Mother locks him up, and he cuts -her Chairs and Stools in pieces, his Father threatens -to correct him, and he pretends to be drowned; he -gets Money from his Father, rambles and spends -it; and coming home, his Father again threatning -him, he pretends to be hanged.</em></p> - -<p class='c014'>Whether our Old Blade was pleased with his -Nights lodging with his Wife, I know not, -but I am sure he was displeased with the effects -of that, or some suddainly after, for it was not long -ere his Wife discovered her self to be with child -again; and then there was not only the second -part to the same tune, but also much more trouble; -for she breeding this great Belly worse than the -other, was more troublesome; and concluding by -this difference in her breeding, that now she should -have a different birth, a Son to her Daughter, She -told the old man that she was confident of it; and -so indeed it proved; for at the usual time she was -brought a Bed of a Son but he was a chargeable -one to the Old man in his birth, and a cross to -him all his life after.</p> - -<p class='c012'><span class='pageno' id='Page_263'>263</span>Much provision was made to entertain their -young Heir; and although the woman was well -enough provided before, yet now there were additions -to every thing, and all the house was altered -and turned topsie turvy; two Rooms beat -into one, to make a Hall big enough to entertain -the Guests the more commodiously; and a suit of -Tapestry-Hangings, and Turky-work Chairs, and -other Furniture to adorn it; and should I run -through all the several alterations and additions -that were then made, I should be as troublesom -to you, as this woman was to her Husbands Money -bags: wherefore I will omit all things of that -nature to your imaginations, and only tell you in -general, that this woman was as profuse in her -expences as she could imagine; so that her Husband, -after this lying in, did give her an account -of her expences, and made out clearly to her, that -she had cost him in alterations in his house, and -these two Lyings in, full as much as he had with -her for Portion; and therefore he knowing the -virtue of ready Money, was resolved not to be -over-rul’d by her any longer, and be led to these -vain extravagancies. Although his Estate, and -profit and gains of his Trade would well enough -bear with these expences, yet he being naturally -covetous, being now grown old, that Vice was -encreased, and knowing that now he had two Children -to provide for, he scrap’d up all he could, -pretending to his wife it was for her and them; -so that now his Purse was close shut against all her -requests and entreaties; and not long after a fair -opportunity of a good Customer happening, he -sold off all his Stock in Trade, Utensils, and House; -and having an estate large enough for him to -<span class='pageno' id='Page_264'>264</span>manage without Trading, he left of all employment, -and retired, taking a House a few miles -off from <em>London</em>; thither did he carry his Wife -and Family: and now in this private way he designed -to save; for now there was no occasion of -feasting and entertaining Friends, as before. The -wife was now cut off from deceiving the old man -of his Money, because he seldom kept any in his -House, leaving that still, as it came to hand, at -his Scriveners in <em>London</em>, and bringing home no -more than would serve to keep house: and now -all that she could handsomly get was by cheating -him in her Marketting; for She would pretend -that parcel of meat which cost her ten shillings, -did cost her twelve or thirteen, and so of the rest. -So that she brought the old man to allow her -fourty Shillings <em>per</em> week to keep the House; and -then she pinched his Guts, and made him look -out abroad for Victuals; at home She would -make a neck of Mutton serve for three dressings, -and would give him of the worst: but he made -his belly amends by visiting of Friends, who treated -him; he was one of the Masters of the Company -of which he was a freeman; he was one of the -Masters of the Parish, where he had long dwelt; -he was one of the Masters of one or two Hospitals; -and as long-liv’d over-grown rich Citizens usually -are so was he in all these places, and many more; -so that there was seldom a week in the year; and -sometimes never a day in the week; but he was -invited to one of these Assemblies; where he did -eat at the cost of others, and not only eat, but -carry away in his Hawking-bag which he wore by -his side on purpose, although he pretended it was -to carry Papers and writings which he had occasion -to use; and this Hawking bag was seldom -<span class='pageno' id='Page_265'>265</span>empty; for when he was at any of these feasts, or at -any other Treatment by a friend, he would stuff it full -of such Provant as best liked him; and now having -the conveniency of carriage, he would also -steal Knives; nay, rather then fail, Candles-ends, -and put them into his Hawking-bag; and I have -known that sometimes his Covetousness hath -carried him further, to steal quarries of glass out -of the windows of the House where he hath been, -and thereby damage other folks windows to mend -his own.</p> - -<p class='c012'>These were the effects of his Covetousness, but -he was catch’d in one trick, and made to pay -soundly for it, and thus it was: His house being -a few miles from <em>London</em>, he usually went and -came every day, sometimes on Horseback, but -usually on foot; he had occasion for a parcel of -bricks to build a small brick wall, to divide a yard; -and seeing in his way between <em>London</em> and home -that there was a Brick-kiln, and withal that it -was usual with people to take one or two, he did -so likewise; and still when he went home on foot, -he would take 2, 3, or 4, and clapping them under -his Cloak, carry them home. At times he had -thus carryed home as many as would neer build -his wall; but the owner of the Brick-kiln being -acquainted with his doings, and his covetous inclination, -was resolved to catch him, and make -him pay for it; wherefore he watched him, and -catcht him with four bricks under his arm: How -now? my friend, said the Brick-maker, What have -you gotten under your Cloak? Nothing, nothing, -replyed our Old Dotard: I must see, said the -other; and thereupon threw open his Cloak, and -discovered the prize: what do you with these -Bricks? said the Owner: and thereupon being -<span class='pageno' id='Page_266'>266</span>resolved what to do, called his Servants, and went -before a Justice of Peace with the Old man; who -being thus caught, could not deny the fact; but -the Owner charged him with many thousand of -Bricks, which, he said, he had lost; and so ordered -the matter, that he made our Old man pay -more than his Brick-wall might have been honestly -built for; and thus did his Covetousness bring him -to shame and disgrace; but he still persevered in -it, though it were sometimes to his dammage.</p> - -<p class='c012'>He being one evening going home, and passing -by a River, saw two men a fishing; he not being -in haste, stepp’d to a sandy-bank that was in the -River, and stood there some time to see them and -that so long, that the Tide being come in, he was -incompassed with water, and did not perceive it; -and there he was in great care and fear to come -out; he must not adventure to wade; but seeing -a labouring man come by, he cried out to him, -for Heavens sake to come and help him out, and -he would reward him very largly, and withal pulled -out his purse of money, shewing him that he was -furnished with that which would recompence him -for his pains.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The poor man seeing that attractive Metal, and -hoping that he might get as much for a small job -as he had gained all the day, he therefore without -any more ado wades through the water to the -place <a id='corr266.28'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='were'>where</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_266.28'><ins class='correction' title='were'>where</ins></a></span> our Old Fellow was; and being come -thither, took him in his arms, and carried him -through the water, and so set him down; he being -now out of danger, cryed, the Lord bless you, -honest man, I will reward you; and thereupon -drawing his Purse, fumbled in it, turning his money -over and over, and finding three farthings, gave -<span class='pageno' id='Page_267'>267</span>them to the poor man, telling him, if he could -have found the fourth he should have had -it; he all this while stood with his Cap in -hand, with a God bless your worship; but being -deceived in his expectation, he was resolved -to be even with the old Dotard, and therefore -clapping his Cap on his head, he caught hold on -the old Fellow: and taking him in his Arms, -stept into the water, and carried him to, and set -him down in the place where he had took him -up, and there left him; and being come again -ashore, said to the old man, Sir, since you are so -bountiful in your reward, I thought it fit to earn -my money by carrying you twice as far as you -intended; the Old man called out to him, desiring -him for all loves to carry him out, but he was -deaf to all perswasions, and therefore left him; -so that the Old man doubting that he should be -drowned, was enforced to wade through, as he -saw the fellow had done; and so he went home -dropping dry.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Thus was he sometimes catch’d, but what he -lost, or what dammage soever he sustained, he -made others to pay for it, especially his Debtors, -for he still caused them to feast him; and he was -not content with what he could eat or drink, but -he must carry away, not only in his Hawking-bag, -but he had another Utensil, a silver Sucking-bottle, -and still this was filled at other folks charges -either with Canary or strong-Waters; and this the -Old fellow drank off as he travelled, or else emptyed -out when he came home, keeping it for a -reserve.</p> - -<p class='c012'>And as he pinched, and scraped together from -others, so his wife did from him, and that she saved, -she expended or preferred upon her young Son; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_268'>268</span>who was no sooner come to be eight years of age, -but he shewed forth the most vitious and debauched -inclination of any youth in the place where he -dwelt; and his Mother cockering him, and encouraging -him in his follies, it was not hard to guess -at his future deportment; so that all concluded -that he would use the fork in dispersing and scattering -abroad, as well as his Father had used the rake -in gathering and scraping together; and that he -would spend that under the Divels belly, which his -Father had gained over the Divels back; and to -manage him in his early debaucheries, his Mother -supplyed him with Moneys, which was like putting -a Sword into a Mad-mans hand; for he employed -that, to do as much mischief: by that time he -came to be ten years of age, his Sister died; and -now he being the only Child, was much humoured -by his Mother.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The Father prosecuted his ways of getting -Money by Usury, and left the whole management -of the Son to his wife; neither indeed would she -permit him to be under his tuition, or be instructed -by him, lest, as she said, he should be infected with -Covetousness, and other his ill Qualities. He -being Master of Moneys, was thereby Master of -all the Boys that dwelt near him; and he spending -Money on them still, had them at his dispose; -and they not being supplied by their Parents with -Moneys as he was, would sometimes steal from -them to keep him company; he raised a whole -Company of these Boys, and became their Captain; -and if he had a mind to do any mischief to -any other Boys, he could presently execute it by -one of these.</p> - -<p class='c012'>He would not go to School to that Master that -once whipped him, neither would his Mother permit -<span class='pageno' id='Page_269'>269</span>that her son, how deservedly soever, should be -corrected, but strait took him away from School; -and he rather went not at all to be instructed, than -would admit of any correction. He being for his -untowardness lashed by one of his School-masters, -went away, and would to be reveng’d of his Master, -abuse and affront him, and those that took his part; -the School-master hearing of it, caused a couple of -the lustiest of his Scholars to catch him, and bring -him into the School, where he caused him to be untrussed -and horsed, lashed him soundly, giving him -School-butter, and then sent him away. This -affront our young man stomached exceedingly, -and was resolved to revenge it; wherefore he assembled -those of his companions who were led to -assist him in any mischievous undertaking; and -acquainting them with his purpose, they promised -their ready assistance; and he not caring, so it were -done, how it were done, took up a parcel of stones, -and a Cudgel in his hand, and causing all the rest -of his Company to do so too, they advanced to the -School-Masters House, where they all at once discharged -a whole volley of stones against the windows, -and after that another; by this time the -School-Master himself was alarm’d, and looking out -of the School window, had like to have had his Teeth -beaten out with a stone; which however shook -and loosened two or three: The Scholars seeing -this affront put on their Master, all ran down to -revenge it; and catching up what sticks and stones -they could first meet with, began a dangerous -fight, which continued till the Constable came to -part them; there were several on both sides -wounded, and the School-Masters windows were -much dammaged; wherefore he knowing who was -<span class='pageno' id='Page_270'>270</span>the Ring-leader of this Rout, had him secured, and -carried before the Justice, where the School-Master -made his complaint with reason enough; but -our <a id='corr270.4'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='youngs'>young</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_270.4'><ins class='correction' title='youngs'>young</ins></a></span> mans Father was so intimate with the -Justice that the poor School-Master could have no -Justice done him; but the young man being soundly -checkt, was sent home to his Mother. His Father -doubting that these exorbitant courses would be -dangerous, was resolved to correct his Son, but -his Mother would not let him come under his disciplination, -but would undertake to correct him -her self: He who had never yet been contradicted -in any thing that was his will, was very unwilling -now to take any correction; and although that -which his Mother intended was but small, yet he -would not endure it.</p> - -<p class='c012'>All she did to him was to lock him up in a -Chamber for two or three days, till she could -humble him; but he was too stiff now to stoop to -her or any Body else; wherefore when he had been -kept in one whole day, his Mother coming to visit -him, she found him more stubborn than before; and -he threatned, that if she kept him in, he would be -even with her: she ventured him the second day, -and came to him again at night, but found no -amendment, but tokens of a high stomach she -told him, she must and would break him, he -said, she could not, nor should not; and if she -kept him within any longer, she should have -cause to repent it. She was resolved to try, -but he was as good as his word; for getting -a Knife, he had cut all her fine Chairs and -Stools to pieces; she seeing this, was passionately -angry, and turned him out of the Room, gave -him over to be corrected by his Father; who -understanding the Mischief he had done, was resolved -<span class='pageno' id='Page_271'>271</span>to punish him severely, and to that end -made preparations. The Servants in the house -advised him to submit himself to his Father and -Mother, and ask forgiveness, and that they would -undertake all should be well again; but he would -not yield, but was resolved to take another course; -wherefore he provided himself with necessaries, -and thus he did.</p> - -<p class='c012'>He went to a Pond, about a mile from his -Fathers House, and putting off his Clothes, went -into the water, and staid there some time, so that -he was seen and observed by several Boys, who -were there a washing: he out-staid them all, and -then dressed himself, and having brought out with -him two Hats and two pair of Shooes, and Stockings; -he threw one Hat into the Pond, and left -one pair of Shooes and Stockings, by the Pond -side, and so went to a Neighbours house near -home, and hid himself in a Barn.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The Father being resolved to fetch him up the -next morning, expected his coming home that -Night, but to no purpose, for he came not; and -although diligent inquiry was made among the -Neighbour-hood, yet there was no news to be heard -of him. The Father was troubled, but the Mother -much more, not knowing what was become of -him; early the next morning all the Servants -were sent out several ways to inquire after him; -at length, some of his Companions were met -withal, who, upon inquiry told them, that they had -seen him the Evening before, in such a Pond; -the Servants hearing this, went thither, and there -they saw the killing sight of the hat, and shooes, -and Stockings; they then concluded, as he intended -they should, that he was drowned; those -<span class='pageno' id='Page_272'>272</span>remains of his being, as they thought, but too -sure Evidence of that fatal truth. They inquired -no further at present, but went home and told -their Master, and Mistress, the sad news of their -Sons misfortune; he was much dejected at the -telling of that dismal Relation, but she was now -as one distracted, exclaiming against her Husband, -whose severity towards her dear Son, she said, -had been the cause of this his unhappy Fate: -her Friends could not comfort her, neither could -her Husbands perswasions work any thing upon -her, but that she would go to the place where -her Son had perished. Her Husband disswaded -her against this, and promised that he would have -the Pond searched, and thereupon gave order to -employ a couple of Fellows to rake the Pond all -over, but to no purpose; for although they were -paid for their pains, yet they lost their labour.</p> - -<p class='c012'>And now the Father finding that the Body of -his Son was not to be found dead, was in hopes -that he might yet hear of him alive; and he endeavoured -to perswade his Wife into this opinion.</p> - -<p class='c012'>In the mean time our young Gentleman lay -perdue in the Neighbours Barn; and being provided -with sufficient Provant, was as safe as a -Thief in a Mill; and although he was at that -distance from home, yet he could hear of the -distraction his Father and Mother were in, for it -was all the News of the place, that Mr. <em>R</em>’s Son -was drowned, to the great grief of his Father -and Mother: he was well pleased to hear that -they were so ill pleased; and thought now he -should be revenged on them that were resolved -to be revenged on him; the consideration of his -Mothers sorrow was great joy to him, and he -<span class='pageno' id='Page_273'>273</span>hoped to reap this benefit that he might for the -future rule, and reign in his Roguery; hoping -that his Father and Mother would leave him to -his own dispose; lest he should hereafter do that -in earnest, that they would now find in jest; but -thinking that they had not as yet suffered enough -for what they had made him suffer, a two days -imprisonment, whereas he had not been wanting -above one day; he was therefore resolved to stay -there a little longer, but he was soon after discovered: -for being somewhat cleanly, and leaving -his Lodging, to go into the yard to untruss, one -of the Family came and saw him; he would have -fled, but his Breeches being about his heels hindred -him; so that at the exclamation of that party -who saw him, all the rest of the Family where he -was hid came out to him; and seeming joyed to -see him, asked him a hundred questions at once, -to which he gave them never a word of answer; -but they minded not his humour much, but being -joyful of his safety, now spake of acquainting his -Father and Mother therewith; he knowing they -would do so, and that quickly, told them that -they might do so; but withal he desired them to -enjoyn his Father and Mother both, not to ask -him any questions, for if they did, he said he -would not answer them; and besides, it was likely -it would be the worse for them and him both. -They hearing what he said, did not inquire into -his reasons for what he had said, but went home -to his Parents, and told them how it was. At -this joyful news the Father was well pleased; -but the Mother was so overjoyed, that she could -not contain her self from running to the place -where he was; and there she discovered the excess -<span class='pageno' id='Page_274'>274</span>of her joy, by the excess of her passion, -which hurried her on to Extravagancies, in embracing, -and kissing her Graceless Son, who received -her expressions of Love with much indifferency -and coldness: She did not observe that, -but took all at the best; and being joyed that -she had him in her sight, lead him home.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The Father being acquainted with his Son’s -Injunction, that he must not be asked any Questions, -concluded from thence the true reason of -it; however, he dissembled his knowledge, and, -to humour his Wife and Son, said nothing to him, -but commanded that he used no more of these -tricks, and that then all that had passed already -should be forgotten. The Son gave him the hearing, -but was resolved to take his own swinge; -and by this occasion knowing the extreme love -his Mother had for him, made very ill use of it, -venturing to do any thing though never so debauched. -For if his Mother did not give him -enough, he would steal it from her, and all -her locking up from him was to as little purpose, -as her Husbands locking up from her; for her -Son would frequently come at her money; and -she would as often come at the Old mans: who -was so accustomed to be dispossessed of what -money he had by his wife, that sometimes the -Son met with it, and disappointed his Mother; -but it was all as one, for that if she did get it, it -was but to bestow on him.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The Old man seeing that his Locks and Keys -would not keep his money secure, found out other -inventions to hide it, which he did in ordinary -unsuspected places, as among the Sea-coals, or -in some hole of the House or Garden. But the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_275'>275</span>Son one time met with a purse of ten pound; -and that being too much to be spent in one day, -he staid out a whole week; his Mother was now -distracted as before, for his absence, but the father -soon missing his money, and believing that his -Son had met with it, was satisfied that he would -stay abroad till it was spent, and so he did; for -at the weeks end he came home as confidently, -as if he had done no harm. Although his Mother, -out of joy for the return of her Prodigal, was well -enough satisfied with his theft, yet the Old man -once more was resolved to correct him: and -therefore getting him up into a Garret, locked -him up till such time as he might prepare himself -for the Correction he intended. This young -Extravagant being thus incarcerated, set his wits -at work how to get out; at length he found a -Gutter-window, and saw that he might get out to -the top of the House; this he resolved to do, but -withal he intended once again to put his Mother -to the fright; and thereupon searching the Garret, -he found all sorts of materials and utensils fit for -his design; he first took an old Doublet and -Breeches, and stuffed them full of rags, straw, and -such rubbish as he could find, and then he took -shooes and stockings and stuffed the stockings full -of bran; and making somewhat like a head, he -put his hat on it; and putting the Coat he wore -over all this, he put a rope about the neck of this -Scare-crow, and so hanged it on one of the beams -in the Garret; when he had put his matters in -this order, he sat down, and being well pleased at -his own invention, laughed as heartily now as he -knew his Mother would cry when she came to -see it; and having thus bestowed this Scar-crow, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_276'>276</span>he got out to the top of the house, and sat there -<em>perdue</em>, expecting the event.</p> - -<p class='c012'>His Father being provided with all things necessary -for the correction he intended him, mounted -up stairs, and with him a Neighbour whom he -had called to his assistance; and being come to -the Garret-door, and having opened it, he cried -out, where are you, Sirrah, that I may correct -you: there was no answer, nor Son to be seen, -(as he expected) walking; but it was not long -ere he saw him, as he supposed, hanging between -Heaven and Earth.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>Although the Old man came with a resolution -to chastise his Son, yet he at this killing spectacle -fell down, and appeared more dead than alive; -and the man who accompanied him, seeing the -Son, as he supposed, hanging quite dead, and -the Father in little better condition, he ran down -and allarm’d the house with this deadly news.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The Mother, although she was ready to fall -down dead with grief, yet her distraction hurried -her to the place of her Sons supposed execution, -that she might dye there; by such time as she -was come thither, the Father was come to himself, -but was almost killed again with the bitter -words she gave him, telling him, he was her Sons -murderer, calling him wretched old Rogue, and -using terms the most vile and outragious she -could imagine; and then she fell into a violent -fit of crying, and tearing her cloathes and hair, so -that she seemed quite distracted: her Son heard -all this, and laugh’d at the conceit that his project -had so well taken; and the Mother, now in -another fit, arising, went to catch hold of her Sons -<span class='pageno' id='Page_277'>277</span>body, which she supposed was hanging; but when -she came to it, thinking to grasp it, it being light, -flew from her at the first touch, and the hat falling -off, it was soon discovered what it was.</p> - -<p class='c012'>All present were amazed at the contrivance: -but the Mother still continued crying out, if this -be not, where then is my Son? At this all sought -about the room; and at length one looking out -at a Garret-window, saw him sit on the House-top; -his mother was soon acquainted with this -pleasant news; to which she soon replyed, Oh, -bring him in: but he hearing her, replyed, that -if his Father did not go down and leave threatning -of him, he would throw himself from the -house-top, and kill himself in earnest: the Father -thinking that the desperate humour might take -him, was forced to be content; and so our young -man descended the house, and came in at the -window, to the great joy of his sorrowful Mother.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_278'>278</span> - <h2 class='c004'>CHAP. XXI.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><em>Our young Extravagant Cheats his Father of more -money by receiving Rent; which being spent, he -returned home; and his Mother refusing to give -him what money he desired, she being on Horseback -behind him, he threatens to throw her into -the water, and so he obtains it of her. The Old -man dies, and he prosecutes his extravagancies -upon Watermen, Coach-men and a poor Pudding; -he also puts a trick upon a Barber; and plays a -fine freack at a Coffee-house; and being Poetical, -makes Verses on Canary.</em></p> - -<p class='c014'>By this Project our young man escaped the -correction his Father intended him; and -not only so, but his Mother now looking on him, -as one twice risen from the dead, was so foolishly -fond, as to hug and embrace him; all this he -took in good part, as knowing this fond humour -of his Mothers would turn to his advantage; for -he having now put her twice to this fright, she -was fearful that the third time would prove fatal -in earnest; wherefore she now supplied him with -Moneys to excess; and he spent it as Prodigally, -as he came by it lightly. But the good old man -keeping her short, her stock was not large enough -to supply him in all his excesses, and then the Old -man led a weary life with his wife, till she procured -him to give her Son, who was now fifteen -years of age, a certain allowance: he demanded -fifty pound a year, besides his Diet; but this the -old man said was unreasonable; and he alledged, -it would be more to the profit of his Son, and -himself both, to put him out to be an Apprentice -to a good Trade; but neither the Mother nor -Son would give any hearing to this Proposition; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_279'>279</span>but in answer to it, the Mother said what, and -have I but one Child, and must he be made a -Servant? I scorn it; sure you intend to make -somebody else your Heir, some Bastards that you -have abroad, or else you would not offer to desire -or think that your only Son and Heir should be -an Apprentice and make clean Shooes, and sweep -the Stret-doors; have I bred him up to this? -Thus did the Woman answer her Husband, and -so put him by from ever making any more such -offers; and she alledging that her Son was now -man enough to manage an Estate of five hundred -pound <span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>per annum</em></span>; and that therefore his Father -might do well to intrust him with fifty pound <span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>per -annum</em></span>; but he still alledging it was too much, -and it would spoil him; at last, after a long contest, -forty pound <span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>per annum</em></span> was agreed on: The -Old man now intending thus much for his Son, -gave him two Acquittances to go to two of his -Tenants to receive five pound a piece of them, it -being their last Quarters Rent.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The young man supposing himself a Landlord, -went among the Tenants, and intending to outwit -his Father, managed his Affairs accordingly; -wherefore when he came to the place where some -of his Fathers Tenants dwelt, he went to a two -Pot-house, and sent for three or four of them -which he best knew, and telling them that his -Father had ordered him to receive that Quarters -Rent, withal produced the two Acquittances he -had; these two paid him presently, and the rest -did so likewise, he telling them that he had left -their Acquittances under his Fathers own hand -at home; but that he would give them Acquittances -with his hand to his Fathers use, which -would do as well. This excuse went as current, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_280'>280</span>and the Tenents were well pleased to pay their -money to him, and thereby hoped to ingratiate -themselves with their young Landlord; and thus -he received twenty pound, instead of the ten -pound intended; and had received more of the -other Tenants, if his Father, suspecting some such -matter, had not gone, and by his presence prevented -it.</p> - -<p class='c012'>There he soon found what his Son had done; -which however turned somewhat to his advantage: -for all the Tenants hearing their young -Landlord had been there, and expecting him to -come again suddenly had provided all the rent, -hoping by that means to gain his good opinion, -and a Treatment to boot, as the rest had done: -so that now the Old man received all the rent at -his first coming, whereas he was wont to come -half a dozen times. And now having received -his rents, he went home to his Wife, telling her, -how their Son had served him; to which she replyed, -that it was no matter, for to her knowledge -he was bare, and quite out of moneys -before, and that this would stock him. And now -she having gained an allowance for her Son, she -never left her Husband, till he increased her own, -and gave her money to buy her some Clothes, as -she pretended; and all this was to lay up for her -unlucky-Bird, who, as his Father said, staid out -till all was spent; and that was within so many -days as he had pounds: and he being rid of his -money returned home to pillage his Mother. He -had made no spare of his Money so long as it -lasted, in hopes to receive more of his Fathers -Tenants; but he came thither too late, his Father -having been there before him; so that being disappointed, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_281'>281</span>he came home, and very quietly he -demeaned himself for some time.</p> - -<p class='c012'>But the humour of rambling again possessing -him, he courted his Mother for Money, she gave -him some, but it was but sparingly, and he stomached -it, because he had no more. A few days -after, his Mother was to ride to <em>London</em>, to lay -out some Moneys in necessaries; and she being -desirous of his Company, caused him to ride before -her; they being thus mounted together, put -on very handsomly, till being come about half -way, he guided the Horse into a Pond; she wondring, -asked him his reason; he told her, only to -water the Horse; but when the Horse was now -in as far, and as deep as he could go, he shewed -her another reason, told her another tale, and desired -her to give him some money, she replyed, -she had none for him; he answered that he knew -she had money about her, and therefore he must -and would have some; she said she had no more -but what she was to lay out, and if she gave him -any she must lose her Journey; he cared not for -that, but told her, that if she did not give him -some Money, he would throw her into the Pond, -and thereby enforce her to lose her Journey; -and he swore to it, that he would do it. She -doubting that he would be as good as his word, -was forced to compound the matter with him, -and of five pounds, which she had about her, she -hardly compounded with him for fifty Shillings; -which he would not take her word for, but she -was forced there, as she was on Horse-back, to -deliver it to him, and then he rode on, but -although she had her Sons Company to <em>London</em>, -and paid so dear for it, yet she was forced to go -home without him, he being there engaged upon -<span class='pageno' id='Page_282'>282</span>the Ramble for so long as that money would last, -and then home he came again; and this trick -he would serve her as often as he wanted money, -and could get her on Horse-back behind him; -and as he gained, and filched from her, so she did -the same from the Old man and all little enough -to maintain her Prodigal Sons extravagances, -and this was the course of life they all led.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The young man he spent largely, and pinched -all he could from his Mother; she cheated her -Husband egregiously to supply his Prodigality; -and the old man he screwed all he could get, -most shamefully and penuriously, out of his -Tenants, and Debtors, to supply them both. -These were his Tormentors, that still kept him -in perplexity; and in the end, what with Age, -and grief at their miscarriages he dyed, leaving -all behind him to their disposing.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The Son was joyful, neither was the Mother -discontented; and the Old man had at his death, -made as prudent a Will as he could devise: for -knowing that what he gave to the Mother, he -gave to the Son; he dividing his Estate into -three parts, gave two to her, and one to him; hoping -by such time as he should have spent one third part, -he might take up, and be wiser; and then his Mother -would be fit to give him another portion.</p> - -<p class='c012'>As soon as the old man was dead, order was -taken for his Burial, which was by the Mother -and Sons appointment splendid enough; but -although the Son attended his Fathers Corps to -the Grave, yet the Mother would not, as pretending -to be ill, and withal, that it was a thing -not in fashion; under this pretence she staid at -home: but there was a greater and more urgent -cause; for she had a lusty Suitor who attended -<span class='pageno' id='Page_283'>283</span>her, and him she kept Company withal. The -Son saw his Fathers Corps put into the ground, -and was so wretched, as to command the Grave-maker -to put him deep enough lest he should rise -again; and now seeing his Fathers Body fast -enough, he went a Rambling, and that very night -was taken in the Watch at his return home; but -being known, he was passed the Watch, and -coming home heard how his Mother had bestowed -her time in his absence; this raised some doubts -and scruples in his mind, doubting, that she -might, and would marry and then defeat him of -his expectations; wherefore, although he was -not yet twenty years of Age, yet he desired his -Portion, but that could not be; however such -course was taken by some of his Fathers Friends, -that his Portion was secured for him; and in -the mean time it was agreed, that he should have -a considerable allowance. But all this did not -please him: for although what was allowed him, -was sufficient to maintain him handsomly, yet he -spent three times as much, and ran into every -Bodies score that would trust him; he was soon -aweary of his Mourning Apparel, and therefore -in few Months threw that off, and a Suit that -cost fifty pounds was provided; in this he did -vaunt it, and Rant it about the Town, and all -the loose Fellows of no Fortune were his hangers -on, or Companions. He spun away the time of -his Non-age with all impatience; but when the -happy, and long-wished-for-day came, he was -the joyfullest man alive. By that time his Mother -was married to the Suitor who had put in -so early; but being cunning (as most Widows -are) she had reserved her Sons Estate entire, and -not only so, but a considerable part of her own; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_284'>284</span>so that her Husband had not above one third -part of the whole. And now her Son without -any controul, demanded, and received his full -Portion; many hard words passed between Mother -and Son on that account, so that they fell -out in earnest; and he taking what was his due, -gave her the good buy.</p> - -<p class='c012'>And now was the time come that he took his -full swinge in all manner of voluptuousness and -debauchery. Taverns were the best places he frequented, -as having somewhat for his money: But -that expence was not deep enough; he hunted out -and frequented all Houses of good fellowship.</p> - -<p class='c012'>All the most eminent <em>Bona Roba’s</em> about the -Town were of his acquaintance; and he was not -content to have their Company in common, but -searching out those that best pleased him, he -took them from their Publick Employment, and -kept them for his own private pleasures, disposing -them in several places, as he had occasion to use -them; and commonly keeping three or four of -these at Livery; and, which was worse than all -this, that he might put the sooner dispatch to his -Estate, he frequented Ordinaries, and Gaming -Houses and there suffered himself to be cheated -to some purpose.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The Mother hearing of these his exorbitant -extravagancies, went, and sent to him (for he -would not come to her) to disswade him from -these courses; but instead of that, he returned -wild and extravagant answers, upbraiding her -with her sensuality in her second Marryage; and -expressed himself so rudely on that account, that -I am ashamed to repeat it.</p> - -<p class='c012'>I will relate some particulars of extravagancies, -because it exceeds all that I have heard of. He -<span class='pageno' id='Page_285'>285</span>went one time to the Temple-stairs, and perceiving -a great many Water-men, both Oars and -Scullers, attending for Fares, but more especially -for the Lawyers of that place, to carry them to -<em>Westminster</em>, it being Term-time; and being resolved -on a frollick, to disappoint them, he hired -all of them, to carry him, and two or three of -his Companions, to the Old <em>Swan</em>; so that when -the Lawyers came to take Boat, there was none -for them; and they were forced to beat upon -the hoof, or be at the charge of Coaches.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Another time, he being importuned by Water-men, -who usually clutter about a Fare, striving -who shall earn the money; and only having -occasion to cross the Water, he hired four of -them to transport him just over, and gave them -six pence a piece for their pains; and then they -wanting other employment, he told them, that if -they would fight with one another, he would give -them six pence a piece more; and he, to invite them -to it, caused them to quarrel with one another, -and so to it they fell lustily; he standing by, and -laughing at them.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Thus did he use the Water-men; and he was -extravagant with the Coach-men; for sometimes, -although he valued not his Money, yet he would -in a frollick, get out of the Coach, and leave -them in the hurry to look their pay-master; but -if they knew, and met with him again, and demanded -it handsomly, he would pay them double.</p> - -<p class='c012'>He met with one Coach-man, a surly, dogged -fellow, and he served him accordingly; for he -had been hurrying about, from one place to another, -to find out Company, all that Afternoon; -and at night he demanded of the Coachman -what he must have; he replyed, eight shillings, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_286'>286</span>which was too much by three shillings; and he -not being in the humour to part with his money -so slightly, and being withal very well acquainted -with the prices of Hackney-Coach-men, he, for -that time, refused to give him his demands; and -the fellow began to be surly, peremptory, and -sawcy; so that he had a great mind to have -beaten him: but seeing he was a rugged fellow, -he would not venture on that Revenge, but bethought -himself of another; which he thus effected.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Well, replyed he to the Coach-man, I will -content you, before we part; but now I think on -it, I must go a little further, to such a place, -naming it. The Coach-man was content; -and thereupon, he and his Servant went -into the Coach; it was now dark, it being -Winter; and he had the better conveniency of -executing his project; which he did thus. He -drew out his Knife, and he, and his Man together -did cut all the leather round on the back of the -Coach, leaving it hanging by the top; and by -this time being come to the place he appointed, -he was there set down, and gave the Coach-man -his hire; who not perceiving the dammage done -to his Coach, departed; and our Gallant drinking -a quart of Wine, and calling for another -Coach, was carried home.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The next day, the Coach-man, after much inquiry, -found out our Gentleman’s Quarters; and -waiting his coming out, told him, that he had -done him forty shillings worth of dammage -in cutting the Leather of his Coach; he denied -the fact, and bid him prove it: the other -told him, that he would take his oath of it before -any Justice of the Peace; and if (said he) -you will not give me satisfaction, I will have you -<span class='pageno' id='Page_287'>287</span>before a Justice, and he will compel you to do it. -Our Gentleman hearing him talk so of the Justice, -was resolved to frighten the Fellow, and out-wit -him; and therefore he replyed, Nay, then, if you -talk of a Justice, you were best have a care of -your self, how you come there, lest I have you -sent to New-gate. For what? replied the Coach-man. -You need not make so strange of it, replyed -our Gallant, you believe no body saw you -yesterday what you did in the field near <em>Putney</em>, -where you carried me? Why, what did I do? -replyed the Coach-man. Why, you buggered a -Sow there, replyed our Gentleman. Oh Lord! -said the Coach-man. And oh Lady too! said -our Gentleman, it is too true, and you will find -it so to your cost; both my self, and my man saw -it, and will take our Oaths of it if we go before -the Justice. Our Gallants man hearing what his -Master had said, justified and averred the truth -with an Oath; which put the poor Coach-man -into such a dump, that he went away with a flea -in his ear, and durst not insist upon our Gentlemans -payment for the dammage done to his -Coach. This was the course our extravagant -took; these were the tricks he plaid; and in general, -there was no manner of mischief but he -put in practice; and he so much prided, and gloried -in doing so, that although it were well known -he was wicked enough, yet he would not talk and -boast of more than he had done; and there -was no particular debauched action, or extravagancy -done in <em>London</em>, but he would boast himself -to be the Author of it, and imitate it to his -power. He had observed, that a poor woman sat -at one of the City-Gates, and sold hot pudding -by the pound; he had a crotchet came in his -<span class='pageno' id='Page_288'>288</span>Crown, to put a trick upon this Woman; and -therefore having a Companion with him, he acquainted -him with his intent, and desired his -assistance. He who kept him Company was as -ready as his Worship for any mischief; and therefore -together they came to this poor woman, who -was newly come with her pudding piping hot from -the Bake-house, and demanded the price; she told -them four pence a pound: he agreed to the price, -and she weighed out a pound: she had asked him -what he would do with it? for she, seeing his -gaudy Clothes, and partly knowing him, said, -that he would not eat it. He replied, it was no -matter to her what he did with it, so long as she -was paid for it. She knowing he had said true, -delivered it to him in a handkerchif. He having -the pudding, drew out a six pence, and throwing -it on the ground, bid her take it up. She stooping -so to do, his Companion turned up her Coats, -and he clapt the hot pudding to her naked posteriors. -The woman, feeling it hot, cryed out -amain; but he still held it there, and pressed it -hard upon her, whereupon she leapt away from -them; and being sensible that she was scalded, -she ran to the kennel, and taking up her coats, -clapt her bare buttocks in the dirt, to cool and -asswage the heat, whilst our Extravagant, and his -Companion marched off.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The woman was so paid off, that she could not -follow her employment; and acquainting her Husband -with the matter, and the party who; he, -the next day, found him out, and demanded -satisfaction for the dammage he had done to his -Wife. Our young man disowned the fact, and -refused all satisfaction: but the Good man was -sure enough that it was he; for by this time he -<span class='pageno' id='Page_289'>289</span>had (according to his usual custom) bragged of -this exploit so that the man being in earnest, and -telling him, that if he would not pay for the -Cure, and the dammage he sustained by his wives -neglect of her business, that he would arrest him, -and compel him by Law. He therefore in a humour -gave the man twenty shillings, and so -ended this frollick of the Pudding-woman.</p> - -<p class='c012'>There hardly passed a day, but he was guilty -of some frollick or other; and if he had the humour -of doing, he would go through with it, -though it cost his pockets never so dear: Some -of his frollicks were somewhat more harmless, but -altogether as comical and pleasant. If he had -heard of any frollicks, though never so extravagant -and old, he would attempt to do the like; -and many such he did only in imitation and to -renew the discourse of them. As for example: -he was used to have the Barber, for the most -part, to come to him; and although he had no -beard (for he was never known to have above -five hairs on one side of his face, and seven on -the other) yet he was usually shaved every day. -But one day he went to a Barbers to be trim’d, -and sitting down in the Chair, the Barber fell to -his work. He intended to have some frollick -with this Barber; and the Barber gave him a -very good occasion and opportunity: for the Barber -having occasion to make water, and being -somewhat lazy, pissed about his shop. Our Gallant -asked his reason; and told him, it was a -nasty trick. To which the Barber pleaded, for -excuse, that it was no great matter, for he was to -leave the shop in a weeks time, and to remove to -another, and therefore it would not annoy him -much. This action, and answer, fell out for our -<span class='pageno' id='Page_290'>290</span>Gallant, as fit as pudding for a Friers-mouth; -and therefore he was resolved to prosecute his intended -project; and he did so tickle himself with -laughing at the conceit he intended, that the -Barber could hardly shave him, without indangering -the cutting of his Throat or Chaps.</p> - -<p class='c012'>But that was done in time, and our Gentleman -was delivered from the imprisonment of the -Chair, when in the prosecution of his intended -Project, he asked <em>Cutbert</em> whether he had any -sorts of sweet powder? He shewed him what he -had below, and that not pleasing him, he went -up stairs to fetch more: no sooner did he mount -up the stairs, but down went our Gallants breeches, -and there in the middle of the Shop, he -laid the biggest load he could exonerate himself -of. He made all the haste he could, and just as -the Barber descended down stairs, up went his -Breeches. The Barber, although he had sweet -Powder in his hand, yet he could not only smell, -but see that there was somewhat in the Shop that -was not so sweet to the scent, nor pleasant to the -sight; wherefore he also asked his Customer his -Reason for so doing? He replied, he had the -very same reason for disburthening himself, as he -had; for said he, I am to leave the shop presently, -and it will not annoy me much. The Barber -seeing that he was beaten at his own weapon, -made no reply, but was forced to be content; -and our Gallant left the Shop and the Barber; -to go among his Companions, to boast of this -witty exploit. This was talk enough for him for -some days. But he still studied, by such time as -one was stale, to project and execute another; -and it was not long after ere he met with one altogether -as extravagant, and much like the other.</p> - -<p class='c012'><span class='pageno' id='Page_291'>291</span>Although he was a great Drinker, yet he did -fight cunningly, and would not let one drop of -Wine go down his belly in the morning, nor -hardly admit of any mornings-draught though -never so moderate; forbearing all drinking, till -the affairs of the Gut, the eating were over; and -then, as he used to say, it would do your heart -good to see him take off his Liquor, especially -Sack, which was his chiefest delight; and he -would bear it very lustily, and with the help of a -Coach get to his Lodging in very good order.</p> - -<p class='c012'>But one time he had missed and omitted this -custom, and drank all day without eating, so -that the next morning his belly and head were -both filled with airy humours, his belly asked and -croaked, and his head was giddy, wanting settlement; -wherefore, some Friends who came to visit -him, advised him to drink some <em>Coffee</em>; he believing -that in regard it was to be drunk hot, that it -might heat his Guts, and qualifie his brain went -to a <em>Coffee</em>-house with them; where being sat -down, and having put two warm dishes full into -his Guts, it made him break wind forwards and -backwards both; at which unusual noise among -so many people as were there together, he was -more than usually stared at; he minded not -their staring, but continued in drinking; and -withal observed the several postures used in drinking -their <em>Coffee</em>; some he saw laid their Nose, -some their eyes, nay, and some their ears to the -<em>Coffee</em>-dish, to let the smoak, or fume of the <em>Coffee</em> -ascend; at this unusual sight he asked the reason -of it; and it was generally replyed, that it was -an excellent remedy against the Cold which they -had gotten in those parts; he hearing them say -<span class='pageno' id='Page_292'>292</span>so, had an extravagant humour come into his -brain; and I dare say, if the Company would -have given him twenty pound, he would not have -forborn the execution of it; but thus proceeded: -He called for the largest Dish of <em>Coffee</em> in the -house; it being filled, he set it in the middle of -the <em>Coffee</em>-room, and letting down his Breeches, -he turned up his shirt, and placed his Bum just -over the <em>Coffee</em>-dish. All the Company wondring -and laughing at this Extravagancie; he cryed -out, Nay, Gentlemen, you need not laugh so hard, -for I do no otherwise then you have directed me, -for you all say <em>Coffee</em> is good for a Cold, and to -your knowledg my <em>Podea</em> had gotten a Cold, for -it coughed since I came in hither; and therefore -do but as I was directed, to let the fumes of the -<em>Coffee</em> asend to the place affected. Having now -had his frollick, he put up his Breeches, and sitting -down among the Company, gave them all occasion -to exercise their eyes in staring on him; and -he again entertained them with such fantastical -discourse, as made them believe that he was more -Knave than Fool, and enough of both.</p> - -<p class='c012'>You may judge by this (said Mrs. <em>Mary</em>) of the -rest of his Extravagancies; and this was the dayly -exercise of his wit, which (as you may understand) -was not barren in inventing all manner of debaucheries; -and indeed, had he had somewhat -to exercise his wit on that which was ingenuous -or good, he must have been succesful enough, for -he had a strong memory, for he retained all he -read, he never forgot the least, or slightest story -that he had once read over: he read but little, -and that was of the pleasantest sort of reading, -books of Knight-Errantry; and of them he knew -<span class='pageno' id='Page_293'>293</span>all, and could relate all the stories, from <em>Tom -Thumb</em> to <em>Amadis de Gaule</em>, and the Mirrour of -Knight-hood. All the <em>Palmerins</em>, and <em>Primaleons</em>, -he knew as well as if he had gon to School with -them; he knew the Father, Son, and Grandfather; -and frequented Booksellers Shops only to inquire -for more parts of those Histories. Don <em>Bellianis</em> -of <em>Greece</em> was a brave Knight with him; and he -was wont to say, that it was great pity that some -Ingenuous Pen did not prosecute the adventure -of that honour of Chivalry in a second part: he -was intended to have done it himself, if he could -but have spared so much time. From this History -he proceeded to <em>Cassandra</em> and <em>Cleopatra</em>; -but those <em>Hero’s</em> and Ladies were of too strict -and virtuous an inclination for his converse: the -loose <em>Galaor</em>, Brother to St. <em>Amadis</em>, was a man -for his Money, being one who was a general lover -of all Ladies. He had also read over <em>Orlando -Furioso</em> in verse; and was very much in love with -mine Hosts Tale to <em>Rodamant</em>, of the loosness of -Women; this he commended above any thing in -the book; and in all his readings he imitated the -Spider, and not the Bee, in sucking the Poison, -not the Honey from them. By means of this -converse with Poetical books, he was so much infected -with Poetry, that he could versifie and -ryme indifferently; and being in love with Canary, -he bestowed some time in composing these -Verses on that Divine Liquor.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> -<div class='nf-center c020'> - <div><span class='pageno' id='Page_294'>294</span>An Encomium on Canary.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-b c002'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='linedc drop-capanf0_2_0_7'>T<em>hou glory of this glorious Nation.</em></div> - <div class='line'>Spains <em>best Child, her Pride, her Reputation:</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Her</em> India, <em>her</em> Peru, <em>her best <a id='corr294.4'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='Weath'>Wealth</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_294.4'><ins class='correction' title='Weath'>Wealth</ins></a></span>;</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Thou art Fortune, Pleasure, Riches, Health,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Companion to the Worthies, giving birth,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>To</em> Hector <em>Valour, and to</em> Cæsar <em>Mirth:</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Nay, and sometimes sole Commander</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Of the Worlds All-commanding</em> Alexander.</div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in2'><em>Ye Muses guide unto the pleasant Spring,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Where you inchanting sit, and chanting sing</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Such Roundelays, that those which do draw near,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Are no more fed by th’ eye, but by the ear.</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>There is no Musick, nought that cheers the heart,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>If Don Canary does not bear his part.</em></div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in2'><em>Gazing Astronomers had never found</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>How the great Axle of the World wheels round</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Had they not tasted Sack: ’tis Sack’s the eye</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Of solid Logick, and Philosophy.</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Nay, be you ne’re so strongly grounded,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>If you contend with Sack, you’l be confounded.</em></div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in2'><em>Your Learn’d Physitians, famous for their skill,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Give Drugs to others whom they mean to kill;</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>But mark them who so please, in hugger-mugger,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>They cure themselves meerly with Sack and Sugar.</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Should we to former Ages but look back,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>There you should find the strange effects of Sack:</em></div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in2'><em>Shall I ascend to</em> Jove, <em>the Heavens Protector?</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>What is that drink call’d by the Poets, Nectar?</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Was’t not Canary? yes, there’s nothing truer,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>For all men know, that</em> Bacchus <em>was his Brewer:</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Who by Canary, as its poetis’d,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>Became a God, and was Immortalliz’d.</em></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_295'>295</span> - <h2 class='c004'>CHAP. XXII.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='drop-capanf0_2_0_7 c010'><em>Our Extravagant uses strange wayes to raise -moneys; which being got in, he takes a journey -into the Countrey, marries, and returns; meets -with one of his Companions, who laid a wager -about their Footmens drinking: he being indebted -to our Extravagant, and not in a capacity -to pay him till his Fathers death; he projects a -way to kill the Father; and not come within the -compass of the Law; he undertakes and performs -it. This Extravagant’s answer to his -Mother; and his getting a suit of Clothes of a -strange Taylor. He cheats at the water-side, and -cheats Gentlemen of several Cloakes, which he -sells to a Broker, who upon some discontent claps -him in a prison, where he again expresses his -Poetry.</em></p> - -<p class='drop-capa0_2_0_7 c011'>Our Gallant thus exercised his wit, and spent -his time; and as this Old man, the Father, -had in his latter years employed his whole wit -and industry in gaining of moneys, and enlarging -his Estate; so the Young man, the Son, employed -all his in spending, and lessening it. The Fathers -ways of getting money was by usury; and the -Son, on the contrary, was so great an hater of -that vice, and sin of usury, as he termed it, that -he would not receive any; and being desirous to -raise a great sum of money together, he sent to -his Debtors, and told them that if they would by -a certain time, then to come, bring him in his -principal money, he would forgive them all interest. -There were few of them that stood out; for -the Father having been wary in disposing his -<span class='pageno' id='Page_296'>296</span>money on good security, the Son had the less -trouble to gather it in; and few of the Debtors -failed to bring in our Prodigals Money, and take -up their bonds. Some there were whose debts -were considerable and large, and they could not -provide their Moneys by the time, but lost that -advantage: but again some of them gained more -considerably then the rest had done; for he by -this means believing that all those debts that were -not paid him were desperate and bad, he fell to -selling and assigning them; which the Debtors -hearing of, although they could not raise the ready -money themselves, yet the Security being good, -they procured Friends to lay down the Moneys, -and compounded the Debts for some two thirds, -some three quarters, some more, some less, he -being willing to take, and unwilling to refuse all -Moneys that he could thus bring in. And by this -means being master of a considerable sum of Money, -and being of his <em>London</em> frollicks, he resolved for the -Countrey; and providing himself with choice of -Geldings, and variety of Rich Clothes for himself, -and new Liveries for his two Servants, he took -his journey. I cannot give you any particular -account of his transactions in the Countrey, because -it was at too great a distance; but in general, -I heard he plaid over his old freaks, the second -part to the same tune: but this I know, that passing -for a man of a great Estate, and being plentifully -furnished with Moneys, he was admitted into -the Family of a Person of Quality; where, however -he carryed himself abroad, yet at home he -was so civil, as that courting the Daughter, he -obtained her and her Friends consent to a Marriage. -They questioned not his Estate, (which -they knew had been considerable) because he demanded -<span class='pageno' id='Page_297'>297</span>no portion: and thus was our wild Gallant -become a staid man, if Marriage would make -him so; but although it might operate somewhat -at first, yet that good humor held him not long -for he was soon weary of any thing that was -good; and, as I heard his wife being so, he was -the sooner weary of her: and therefore, and because -the Money he had brought with him was -spent and gone, he was then again for <em>London</em>. I -suppose he engaged himself to return speedily; -but he who never kept any ingagement, was sure -to break that: And now being come to <em>London</em>, -he visited all his old Friends; but there was not -one word of the pudding; he would not own the -alteration of his condition, but had a mind still -to pass for a Batchelor; for under that notion he -might practise his debaucheries the more freely; -for he did intend to cheat any maid, that would -be so easie, of the most precious Jewel they had; -whether he did, or how many fell into his snare, -I know not; but he boasted of many such conquests. -He being now come to <em>London</em>, and his errand -Money, Money he would have; and therefore he -summoned all the remaining Debtors to make -sudden payment.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Although he had already received several considerable -sums, and that more than he had present -occasion to make use of; yet not one good -turn, or courtesie would he do any man, though -never so near and dear to him: he had rather spend -40<em>s.</em> to make a man drunk, than lend him 20<em>s.</em></p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>But there was one, a certain Companion of his, -who was almost as debauched as himself, and would -have been altogether so, had he had the means to -<span class='pageno' id='Page_298'>298</span>have done it. This Person having a Father alive, -whom he would willingly have exchanged for a -dead one; and whom he was very desirous to have -kneel in Brass, or lean in Marble: This Father -was a great trouble to our young man’s proceedings -and our Gallant having consider’d his case, as -it had been formerly his own, being desirous to -propagate, and assist in the work of deformation, -had at several times furnished him with the sum of -fifty pounds; and now he being resolved to have -at all, get in all he could, gave this Friend a summons, -who failed not to meet him at the time, and -place appointed with money for a drinking bout, -though not to pay Money. They set to it lustily, -and drank off their Sack very stoutly; and whilst -our two young Gentlemen were thus employed, -their Servants were not idle. Our Gallant was -now attended but by one of his two Foot-men; -and the other, who had also a Foot-man, or Attendant, -who was acquainted with the other; and -they having been for some time separated by reason -of our Gallants Journey, and now having met -again, were so joyful to see themselves alive, that -they drank of their Sack as fast as their Masters: -They had leave to do so, and might call for what -they pleased. Our Gallant having occasion to go -into the next Room, there found his Man, and -the other engaged in hot service; but observed, -that his Man being the stouter drinker of the -two, had the better on it, and was the likeliest -so to hold it; wherefore a conceit came -into his head, and then out it must; thereupon, he -called his Companion to him, and shewed him -their Servants; he was as well pleased as the -other, and encouraged his man to hold out; our -Gallant hearing him say so, cryed, <em>Bear up</em>, Jack, <em>for -<span class='pageno' id='Page_299'>299</span>I’le hold a piece of your head</em>; done, said the other.</p> - -<p class='c012'>But although here was a great wager to be -lay’d, yet there was no sound bargain, nor Witness; -and they hardly understood what they intended, -till the Master of the house was called up; -and then he seeing there was like to be somewhat -to his advantage, made this fair proposition (as -he called it) that the two fellows should drink on, -and he who first gave out, and was foyled, his -Master should pay the Reckoning: Content, said -one; content, said another; and withal, lose a -piece, to be spent to morrow: They both agreed -to this motion; and drawing out their Moneys, -the Land-Lord kept stakes, and the Fellows still -held on their drinking, neither were the Masters -idle; and they all plyed their gears so well, that -they could not remove their Quarters, but were -all four inforced to stay there all night; only our -Gallant had the honour of the day, for his man -had quite knock’d down the other, and had laid -him fast asleep; and he being on the ground -stradled over him, like St. <em>George</em> over the Dragon, -and drank off three Beer glasses of Sack in -token of triumph; and then they were all carried -to their Beds. The next morning they found -themselves more sensible then they had been the -night before; but being in a Tavern, and remembring -that there was 20<em>s.</em> in bank, there was no -remedy, but that they must of necessity take a -hair of the old dog; and therefore to it they went -again, but with more sobriety then the day before; -for our Gallant, who commanded in chief, -had no mind to drinking, it being against his -Custom to drink in a morning; and besides that, -he intended to propose the matter of money to -his Companion, so that they drank but moderately; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_300'>300</span>and our Gallant broke the ice by telling -his Companion, that upon a certain accident that -had lately fallen out, he had occasion to raise a -sum of money, and therefore he desired the other -to help him to that which he had formerly lent -him. The other briskly replyed with an Oath, -that he asked him impossibilities; that there was -not such a sum as 50<em>l.</em> in Nature, nor could he -expect to see so much together, till the happy -day of his Fathers death; and then said he, if -that long looked for day would but come, I will -not only pay that sum, but all else I have shall -be at your dispose.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Our Prodigal knew well enough that he should -hardly get his Money till the old fellow was dead, -but however he thought to urge it to see if he -could perswade him to cheat his Father of such a -sum, but the other replying he could not and that -it was impossible to out-wit him, well reply’d our -Gallant since that Jest will not take let us think -of somewhat else, is the old fellow good conditioned? -does he give you money enough to spend? -truly replyed the other, he is very kind to me, -for he allows me pretty largely, knowing that besides -Wine and good company; there are such -transitory things as women to be had; for keeping -a good Girl himself, who is an old Knave, he -knows the necessity of those mortals for us that -are young. How, replyed our blade, does he -keep a Wench? then I have a sure expedient to -make him tip off the perch in a short time. You -may be deceived replyed the other, for as he is -old, so he is tough and hath been a long time accustomed -to <em>Venus</em> Wars. Well that matters -not, reply’d our Gallant but if you will double -my money, (for I must be at some charge) I will -<span class='pageno' id='Page_301'>301</span>undertake and warrant to send your Father into -the other world in a very short time. No reply’d -the other I will have no hand in Murther especially -there being Parricide in the case. I tell thee, -reply’d our undertaker, there shall be no hazard -of the Law, no not so much guilt lye upon you nor -me, whether as Physitians (who are authorized to -kill) are guilty of to their Patients, and shall be -both safe and sure. Well how is it then reply’d -our Companion. You say, said our Gallant, your -Father is very old, and loves a Wench. Why then -said our undertaker, all my business is but to know -this Wench and be acquainted with her, and then -the business is done, and that without fail. Thus -much he told his Companion, but would not -(though he importuned him) tell him any thing -more. And thereupon he seeing that he could -not at present get any thing more out of him, and -withal assuring him that there was no danger in -Law; the one concludes to act, and the other to -assist in the enterprize. Accordingly that very -afternoon our Extravagant was conducted by his -Companion to the place where his Fathers Lady -of pleasure resided. This young Woman whom -he was so desirous to be acquainted withal lived -with one that was more antient, and whom -she called Aunt, and they two together with a -Maid-servant that attended them both made up -this little Family, in regard she lived thus privately, -he found it would be more difficult then ordinary -to get access, but the next day an opportunity -fell out very convenient. For the old man -(according to his custom) having sent in Provision -for Dinner, came at noon to Dine with his Mistress, -and about three of the Clock he and his Mistress -<span class='pageno' id='Page_302'>302</span>and the Old Woman resolved on a walk. -Our undertaker was so diligent that he attended -them at some distance, and they going into a Publique -house, he also went thither and took a Room -next to their’s. The Old Man treated his Mistress -with Cakes and Ale, and such other Provision as -the place afforded, and after they had sufficiently -regalled themselves, the old man he must go about -an affair of importance, and therefore he must -leave them. Our Undertaker was glad to hear of -that, and expected the happy minute of his departure, -but he found that they all left the house -together, wherefore he put himself in the way that -they were to come, and walking softly permitted -the two Women to overtake him. He being a -sufficient Courtier wanted not pretence sufficient -to enter himself into their company, and the Women -were not so reserved as to distaste or dislike -the proffered service of his meen and quality.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The walk they were to take er’e they came to -their quarters was considerable and thereby he -had the opportunity to discourse with the young -beauty, which was not only handsom but of a -pleasant conversation. He knowing how far their -journey reached offered them a Glass of Wine. -The young woman wholly declined the proposition, -wherefore he applyed himself to the Old -one; and her he over-ruled, so that they put in at -the next Tavern. He promised them only one -quart of Wine, but they drank three or four e’re -they parted, he did so Court the old Woman that she -took off her liquor freely, and made her so open hearted -that she discovered many of her copious secrets -with the Old Man, who also simpered at the writal of -them, our Gallants chief business being to win the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_303'>303</span>young woman, thought that the nearest way to do -it, was to gain the Old, and therefore he not only -plyed her with Wine but gave her some halfe-crown -pieces, at the sight of this she called him -Son and told him he should be welcome.</p> - -<p class='c012'>He pulling out his money discovered some fair -Medals which he shewing to the young woman, -and she seeming to like, he forced her to accept -of them, thus he having laid the bait, did not -question but the Fish would in time be taken, he -only waited on them to their Lodgings that night, -but promising to revisit them the next day, neither -was he worse then his word, but before hand -he sent several bottles of Wine.</p> - -<p class='c012'>And at this second converse he made so large a -progress in his business, that he discovered that -she was not displeased with his Company; He -finding her thus easie, proceeded as far as he could -with her to the main point, but she checked him -there, being resolved not to be won so easily; but -he resolving not to make Childrens Shoes, followed -so close that he brought her to his bent, and -received the satisfaction he desired, She not distrusting -the mischief that was intended her, gave -him all freedom with her, and he was seldom -out of her Company but when the Old Man had -appointed to be with her, our undertaker still resolving -on his project ventured on one of the -desperatest discourses that has been heard of.</p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'>It is not to be questioned but that he who had -been so Universal a Courtier of Women, and that -of all sorts, had met with those one time or another -that had paid him off, and he was used to -brag himself to be more then a Gentlemen, for -<span class='pageno' id='Page_304'>304</span>he had been oftner then three times at <em>Haddam</em>, -he was so well acquainted with all the effects of -that disease, and the Remedies against it that he -made nothing of it, and he knew several of his -<em>quondam</em> Ladies who were then well peppered, -to one of these he went, and it was not very difficult -for him to purchase that of them which they -would very gladly be rid off: and therefore he -easily attained his desires, and being thus accompanied, -he went to his fresh Mistress, and made -her participate in that disease which she had till -then been a stranger to, and the Old Man coming -soon after in his turn and thinking to have his -pleasure with her, had it for the present, but was -so paid off that entring into a course of Physick -to cure himself of his disease, he was brought so -weak that he fell into another though less troublesom -yet more dangerous, which was not long in -operating its desired effects, for it carried him to -his Grave. And thus did our undertaker perform -his undertaking, and his Companion was so much -a Gentleman as to perform his promise to give -the sum of Mony for his reward that had been -agreed upon, and our undertaker who had only -made use of this young Woman as an Instrument -to bring his purpose to effect, caused the young -man to give her a reward for what she had unknowingly -endured and done.</p> - -<p class='c012'>His Companion was now the better man as -having the more Money; but our Gallants stock -held out to spend with him, and neither of them -made any spare. Our Gallants Mother hearing of -his lewd courses, took some of her old Husbands -acquaintance and found him out, she and they perswaded -him to take up before all were spent, using -<span class='pageno' id='Page_305'>305</span>many arguments to induce him to good Husbandry, -and propounding some course for him to take to -redeem himself; but he was deaf to all perswasions, -and only flouted and laughed at them; telling -them that he was resolved to make his dead -Father a Lyar, for I remember (said he) that some -Friends telling him in his life time I would spend -his Estate after his death, he answered that so I -might if I would, but he was certain that I would -never take so much pleasure in spending it, as he -had in getting it. And therefore said he I am resolved -to enjoy my full swing in all manner of pleasures, -that I may disprove him, and besides (continued -he) do you think I am mad to preserve or -keep any part of that Estate that was so unlawfully -gained by penury and Usury; no such matter, for I -am sure it would be to no purpose to attempt it, for -I know I shall never thrive while I enjoy any part -of it. His Mother and Friends hearing his resolution, -by this his Extravagant answer, left him; and -he prosecuted his old course of Life so long, that he -began really to want Money, and had still spent his -Money before he could receive it, some Debts he -had still owing him, which supplied him sometimes -by fits and girds. He had dealt with a Taylor who -had taken much money of him, and gained well by -him, but he still paid him one under another, and -was still in his debt for the last, this Taylor seeing -his Extravagancy, and doubting that in the winding -up of the bottom he might loose as much as he -had gained, waited on him very diligently for his -Money, & pretended such urgent occasions for -Mony that he in the end got clear with him.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Our Gallant then desired some more new cloathes, -but he gave him only good words and put him off -<span class='pageno' id='Page_306'>306</span>from time to time, till one day our Gentleman meeting -this Taylor in Company, asked him why he was -not so good as his word to make him a new suit, for -said he you know I have been no ill Customer, I owe -you nothing: it is confessed (replyed the Taylor) you -do owe nothing, but Sir there is a reason and that a -very considerable one; why I do not care to deal -with you, nor no others of your temper, what reason -reply’d our Gallant, this (reply’d the Taylor) -you do pay me, but you do call for my Bill, and -pay me so suddenly after I have delivered the -Cloaths that I have not conveniency to gain so -much by you as I do by other Gentlemen, who -staying a great while after their Cloathes are made, -and indeed till they are worn out e’re they ask for -a Bill, or talk of payment, I have the conveniency -to enlarge what and how I please because -it is forgot what was used, and they being worn out -they have not the conveniency of comparing the -Bill and cloaths together, this continued the Taylor -is a sufficient reason why I do not care for dealing -with you further, thus did this Taylor make his -excuses which reflecting rather on his own ill dealing -then our Gallants, it passed very well with the -Company, and our Gallant understanding that -his credit was justified could not be angry, but -however he knew the Taylor meant quite contrary -to what he had said, and he finding his credit -would go no further there, and some of his -Companions hearing this discourse with him and -his Taylor, thought that the Taylor had been -mad, and engaged our Gentleman to make use -of his, and his Taylor upon the report of -this, soon provided him with such Cloathes as he -desired, but he did not find the discourse made -good for he was forced to wait a long time for his -<span class='pageno' id='Page_307'>307</span>Mony, and now he had spun a fair thread his mony -was almost all gone, and being Monyless he was -inforced to look out some melancholly place to -spin away the time in, upon this account he was a -great frequenter of the Temple-walks, which were -pleasant, melancholly, and withal safe, for there -he was out of danger of being arrested, which he -began now to dread, and this walk turned him to -a more profitable account as I shall presently relate -to you; one day he being very melancholly -in his ordinary walk at the Temple, sees one who -had Lodgings in that house who was of his acquaintance, -they salute each other, and so walk -about for some time, at length, the Gentleman -tells our Extravagant, that he must beg his pardon, -for he could no longer walk with him, being -ingaged to cross the water about an affair of Consequence; -it then happened to rain, and therefore -our Extravagant told him sure Sir you will not -go before the Shower is over; that matters not -much, replyed the Gentleman, for I will send for -my Cloak, and thereupon called for a Porter and -directed him to his Chamber, to command his -servant to send his Cloak, the Porter went and -fetched it accordingly, and so the Gentleman -putting it on, departed.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Our Extravagant observing this accordingly, -and now being in <em>Querpo</em> without a Cloak, thought -he had a fair expedient to get one, and if he were -discovered it would pass for a Frolick, whereupon -he calls a Porter and sends him to a chamber, -whose Master was of his acquaintance, and whom -he saw was newly gone out, and ordring the Porter -to fetch his Cloak from thence, named himself -the Master of the Chamber; the Porter went, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_308'>308</span>and the Servant who attended in the Chamber -knowing that his Master was but newly gone out, -and believing he might have occasion for his -Cloak, delivered it to the Porter who carried it -to our Extravagant, who now having a Cloak -marched off, being provided for against a shower -of Rain that then happened, but withal he knowing -it would be dangerous to wear that Cloak -which was remarkably known among his aquaintance, -having Gold Buttons, he marched to <em>Long-Lane</em>, -and exchanged it for a Coat of a different -colour, and had Money to boot, and now having -succeeded so well in this first attempt and being -resolved to try further, he thought fit to acquaint -this Broker that he had several Cloaks that he -would exchange or sell to him. The Broker replyed -he should be very welcom, and he would -deal very honestly with him, and so he left him, -and the next day he plyed his business, so that -in the manner aforementioned, taking his due -observations, gained three Cloaks more, and before -the week was at an end he had ten or twelve, -being Master of so many Cloaks he dealt with -his Broker, and exchanged for a very handsom -suit and Cloak, and a pretty sum of money in his -Pocket, and now he was set up again.</p> - -<p class='c012'>He again marches to the Gaming House, and -there in short time looses all his ill purchased -Wealth, and now the loss of so many Cloaks together, -having been so much talked of by the -Owners, he thought it would be to no purpose to -attempt that trick any further, but knowing he -had a Merchant his Broker, who would deal with -him for any thing of Cloaths, he went to the -Play-house, and there he nim’d off the Gold Buttons -<span class='pageno' id='Page_309'>309</span>from Cloaks, and the Gold and Silver Lace -from Gentlewomens Petycoats, nay sometimes -he would cut off great part of the Petticoats, and -this trade he did drive a long time, and as fast -as he was Master of any such purchase he sold it -to the Broker who received all that came, and -although he knew our Extravagant could not -come honestly by these purchases, yet he still encouraged -him to bring him more.</p> - -<p class='c012'>And was so kind to him that being arrested -by his Landlord for five pound for Lodging and -Diet, he furnished him with the some, and set -him at liberty, he promising to repay him in a -short time, by such things as he should bring in. -But he being at liberty and following his old -Trade, and finding that although he brought -much grist to the Mill, still carried some of his -Commodities to the Broker, yet he had but little -money of him, for in the first place he gave him -less price, and then withal stop’d most part of -the money for the old Debt, he considering of -this was resolved to leave the Broker and make -the best of his markets elsewhere, and so he did; -but the Broker soon discovered him, and in revenge -caused him to be arrested and clapt up -into the Counter, from whence he had lately -redeemed him.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Our Extravagant bearing close enough sent to -his Mother, but she was as deaf to him as he -had been to her, and was resolved to let him bite -on the bridle, wherefore he being weary of that -Prison, and understanding that <em>Ludgate</em> was far -better, resolved to remove himself thither, but -first he again tryed what his Mother would do, -but she although the Debt was but four pounds -<span class='pageno' id='Page_310'>310</span>would not pay it, but if he could get off for forty -shillings, she gave him some hopes that she would -disburse it, but the Broker was inexorable, would -have all or none which he understanding, in a -humour writ these Lines.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c002'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><em>Oh how with misery I my Mothers Darling</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>To be thus chackled but for four pound</em> Starling,</div> - <div class='line'><em>By a base Broker who I know’s a thief,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>And merits</em> Newgate <em>and wants relief,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>And now I’m forc’d to go Guds Dud</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>To the dwelling of that old King</em> Lud.</div> - <div class='line'><em>If e’re I pay him I am soundly cheated,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>If I ne’re pay him then he is defeated,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>But if he will take half the debt for whole,</em></div> - <div class='line'><em>My Mother then i’m sure will pay the Cole.</em></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_311'>311</span> - <h2 class='c004'>CHAP. XXIII.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><em>Our extravagants wild humours whilst he is in the -Compter, from whence he being released falls into -the Company of House-Breakers, and by their -assistance robs a Milliners Shop where the Constable -kept his Watch.</em></p> - -<p class='c014'>Thus did necessity cause our Extravagant to -be witty, and he shewing these Verses to -some friends they promised to assist him with his -Mother, but she rather chose to maintain him in -Prison then pay the debt, all the small moveables, -as Cloak, Sword and Belt, <a id='corr311.12'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='Half-Shirts'>Half-Shirts,</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_311.12'><ins class='correction' title='Half-Shirts'>Half-Shirts,</ins></a></span> -Bands, Caravats, and all other things that he -could spare, he parted from and converted them -into Ale. Some friends one Fast day went to -see him, and he being glad of Company caused -them to stay most part of the day, but it being -Fast-day, the Parson belonging to the Compter, -according to custom gave the Prisoners a Sermon, -during that time the Cellar door was shut up, no -drink was delivered out, all were ingaged to -assist and hear the Parson, our Extravagant was -very much troubled at this obstruction in his -drinking, and his friends could not perswade him -to any patience, but he when the Parson was in -the middle of his Sermon, looking out at a Window -neer the Pulpit heard him say I have two or -three points more and then I conclude, I would -you would said our Extravagant that we might -have some drink. The Parson stared at him, and -so did the people who were near him and heard -his words, but he seeing the Parson went on, -turned away, saying come since we can have no -<span class='pageno' id='Page_312'>312</span>drink, lets take Tobacco till we can, and so went -away.</p> - -<p class='c012'><em>The Parson after he had done preaching, came -to our <a id='corr312.3'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='Extravgant'>Extravagant</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_312.3'><ins class='correction' title='Extravgant'>Extravagant</ins></a></span> to examine him privately, but his -answers were so Extravagant that there was no -good to be done with him, and now not having any -employment he gave himself wholly to fudling, and -when he had not Money, and his Mothers allowance -was spent, he spunged with all Companies, and got -acquainted with all the Prisoners that came into -the house, and this his Imprisonment did make him -worse, for he conversed with all the debauched persons -that were there, and now he could not act, he -gloryed in the Relation of his former lewd debaucheries, -so that at length his Mother at the perswasion -of friends agreed and paid his Debt and Charges, -and took him home to her house.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'><em>By reason of his confinement, he had contracted a -disease, wherefore it was necessary for him to stay -within doors for some time, and take Physick, but -he being restored to his former health, was a suitor -to his Mother for new Cloathes and Money in his -Poket, she refused him both for the present, not -thinking it fit as yet to trust him, wherefore he -gave her very ill words.</em></p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'><em>Thus you may see what a hopeful amendment here -was, and as he was debauched himself, so I believe -it was his desire that his Son should be so; for as -I told you he had been married in the Countrey to -a person of Quality, but he had basely left her and -rambled about the Town, and though he heard soon -after his coming to</em> London <em>that she was brought -to bed of a boy, he took no heed nor care about it, but -when he was asked by friends whether he had not a -desire to see his young Son, he replyed, no, he cared -<span class='pageno' id='Page_313'>313</span>not to see him till he was about thirteen or fourteen -years of age, and then he only desired that he might -see him to enter him at a Baudy-house.</em></p> - -<hr class='c015' /> - -<p class='c012'><em>By this discourse you may judge of his inclination, -and his Mother now refusing him money, he -would purloyn a silver Spoon or some other piece of -plate, and convert it into Pocket mettle, and being -once furnished with money he would go seek out -Company. Those that had any grace or honesty -would refuse to accompany him, and therefore he -got into the company of such Bulkers and Pick -pockets as he had known whilst he was in the -Counter, and now he employed his industry in contriving -ways with them to get a purchase, and being -one day at a Milliners or Haberdashers shop, -who was related to him, he asked the Master to lend -him half a piece, he refused him the money, but gave -him very good counsel, if he had had the grace to -receive it, and make use of it as he ought. But it -was to as little purpose to speak to him at that rate, -as it had been to endeavor to wash the Black-more -white, both labour in vain, and our Extravagant -was so angry at his friend for it; that he told him -that he might have found somewhat else to do, and -since he had not, he would ere long find him some -other imployment, somewhat else to talk about, and -so left him; and now being resolved what to do, he -went and found out some of his forementioned acquaintance, -Bulkers or House-breakers, and telling -them he had a great desire to assist them in robbing -of the Milliners shop, which he told them was very -well furnished with good ready Mony, Commodities, -Silk and Silk ribboning, Gloves and such like -wares, they liked the design well enough, and now -they asked him the place where, but here appeared -<span class='pageno' id='Page_314'>314</span>a very great obstacle; for this Milliners shop was -in such a place as was very difficult to be robb’d, it -being the very next door to the Watch-house, where -the Constable and watch generally sat. This they -told him would be dangerous to attempt; but he -affirming the more danger the more honour,and that -he was resolved it should be done, and he knew how -to do it handsomely if they would be ruled by him; -they promised their assistance to the execution of this -design. It was necessary there should be five or six -persons, wherefore they making up that company, -and he being one of that number, and all things -provided according to his order and directions, about -ten of the Clock at night they set forwards. They -divided themselves into two parts or companies and -our Extravagant and two others that went into an -Ale-house at some small distance from the Watch -house. There they called for drink, and soon began -their work, which was to quarrel with one another, -they were armed with swords, then they drew and -began a scuffle, one of the three runs up to the -Watch, and cries out</em> Murther, Murther; <em>The Constable -hearing the noise, and doubting there might -be sufficient cause, took all his Watch-men to attend -Him, but he found no great trouble to appease this -quarrel, which being ended, he with his Watch returned -to his Rendezvous: In this time the other -three had not been idle, but so soon as ever the Constables -back was turned, they broke open the Shop -Door they intended to rob, and it was not very difficult -so to do, for it was not so strongly barricado’d, -as otherwise it might have been, because of -the safety the owner thought he was in, by reason -of the Constables sitting there.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'><em>The Shop being opened they laid about them, and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_315'>315</span>knowing where the best Commodities lay, they soon -removed them, and not packing them up so handsomely -as the Owner would have done for his Customer, -they only threw them together into two Sacks -they had brought, which being filled, away they -marched; so that by such time as the Constable -and Watch returned, they had dispatched their -business and were gone.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'><em>The Constable before morning discovered the -Shop Door to be open, but did suppose it had been -left so, by the negligence of them that shut it up, -wherefore he left two Watchmen at the Door to guard -it. The next Morning the Master came and wondred -to see a Guard upon his Door, asked the reason. -They told him what they supposed, but he -found it much otherwise, and although there were his -Drawers and Boxes, yet they were empty, there -were the Nests but the Birds were flown, immediately -a Hue and Cry went out against those parties -they could describe, but to little purpose, for they -escaped, and were far enough off from being discovered. -The next day they shared their prize, and -converting it into Mony, our extravagant’s share -came to above 25l. and now that he was possessed -of so considerable a Sum of Mony, he was desirous -that all the world should know it, and therefore it -being inconvenient to carry so much about him in -Silver, he changed 20l. into Gold.</em></p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_316'>316</span> - <h2 class='c004'>CHAP. XXIV.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><em>Our Extravagant puts a notable cheat upon a Merchant -for</em> 100l. <em>He and one of his Companions -being at a Washerwomans see her handsomly revenged -on a Bayliff.</em></p> - -<p class='drop-capa0_2_0_7 c011'>Our Extravagant being Master of this Money, -and knowing the difficulty of getting more, -was resolved to look out betimes. He was drinking -with some Friends at a Tavern neer the Exchange, -<em>London</em>, and it being the busie time of the -day, Exchange time, several Companies were put -into one Room though at several Tables: He was -not so busie in attending the discourse of his own -Company, but that he gave great attention to -what was said by that Company who sat at the -next table. He soon understood that their discourse -was about Money; and that one of the Company -expected <em>Two Hundred Pounds</em> to be paid -him by and by. He hearing that there was business -of that consequence began to contrive within -himself, how he might be Master of some of it; -many contrivances he had, and many fancies ran -in his brain, but none would do, none would take -at present, however he and his Company still -drank on, and that so long that the promised 200<em>l.</em> -was brought thither and paid to the Person, who -was there ready to receive it. The Money being -paid, he who was now Master of it, delivers it to -a servant that attended him, and ordered him to -carry it home, and deliver it to his Mistres, he -further observed that this Money was intended to -be suddainly paid away again, for part of a Ship, -which he then agreed with one of the Company -<span class='pageno' id='Page_317'>317</span>to buy of him; and also he observed that the next -day all the Company were to meet there again -to participate of a Collation that the Person who -had received the Money was to bestow on the -rest. All these passages, and several others, as their -Names, and the qualities of most of the Persons -there present, he gained from the discourse he had -heard. He being thus instructed was resolved to -try his wits to the utmost, and if possible be Master -of some of this Money, and that without the -help, advice, or assistance of any other. He beats -his brains about it all that night, and the next day -making himself as spruce and fine as he could, and -being laden with the rich Cargoe of <em>Twenty pieces</em> -of <em>Gold</em>, and sufficient spending Money besides, he -sailed on to the <em>Exchange</em>, and there knowing several -of the Yesterdays Company both by sight and -name, he soon found out the Person who was to -sell part of the Ship, and understanding that he -was a Sea-Captain, who wanted Owners, he bore -up to him, and tels him that he was willing to -hold a part with him, whereupon the Captain invites -him to their intended Dinner, and he accepting -the invitation, and being come thither -upon a farther discourse, he seemed pretty well -content with the bargain, and told the Captain -that at the next days Exchange he would resolve -him about it. Their discourse being ended, Dinner -was called for but it not being yet ready, he who -was the Invitor seemed to be very angry for the -delay, for said he, I commanded it to be ready -between <em>One</em> and <em>Two</em>, and now by my <em>Watch</em> it -is between <em>Two</em> and <em>Three</em>, our Merchant seeing -a <em>Watch</em> drawn, said, I pray <em>Sir</em> let me see it, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_318'>318</span>and having it in his hand, highly commended it -for its richness and good workmanship, for it had -two Gold Cases, and desired to know the Price -what it did cost, the Owner replyed <em>Twenty Pound</em>, -I like it so well, replyed our Merchant, that I wish -I had such another for the Price, (and continued -he to the Owner) I shall be much obliged to you, -if you will lend it me for <em>One</em> Hour or <em>Two</em>, to -shew it to my Watchmaker, who is now in hand -with one for me; and <em>Sir</em>, that you may assure -your self of the return of it to you, here is -<em>Twenty Pieces</em> of good old Gold, I will leave in -your hands: When would you have it, replyed the -Owner, even just now, said our Merchant, for I must -needs step home instantly, and I can call on my -Watch-maker, by the way, and when I return to -you hither, which I promise you shall be within <em>two</em> -Hours, I will bring it and return it you. I, but <em>Sir</em>, -said the Captain, I hope you will not leave us, but -stay and Dine here, indeed I cannot, said our Merchant -you must pardon me at present, an urgent -affair calls me, but in <em>Two</em> Hours I shall have dispatched -it, and then I will return and drink a Glass -of Wine with you. The Owner of the Watch seeing -that he made these excuses, and not distrusting his -Watch, as he had little reason to do, because he had -more than the worth in his hands, delivered the -Watch to our Counterfeit, who takes his leave, and -calling a Coach, caused the Coach-man to drive directly -to the house of the owner of the <em>Watch</em>; -when he came there, he asked for the good Woman, -and without any circumstantial discourse, tells -her that he left her Husband in such a Tavern, -with such Company, and that he had gone through -with his bargain about the <em>Sixteenth</em> part of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_319'>319</span>such a Ship; that the Sum agreed upon was 100<em>l.</em> -that the Captain who was to receive it had ordered -it to him, who was now come for it; and Mistress -(said he) I should give you such sufficient tokens -for the delivery of it, as I hope you will do it -without any distrust. Therefore in the first place, -said he, the 100<em>l.</em> I must have, is part of 200<em>l.</em> your -Husband did receive yesterday, and sent home to -you by your Servant, and to convince you of the -truth of all, as an infallible token, I have here -brought your Husband’s <em>Watch</em>, and thereupon -he drew it out, and shew’d it to her. She knowing -that all he had said was true, and viewing the -<em>watch</em>, & knowing that to be the same, and finding -that he told his tale without any hesitation, stopping, -or stamering, did not at all distrust him, but -went up stairs & fetcht down the Money. He ordered -the Coach-man to drive him to his Quarters, -and there he secured the Money, and thanked his -Stars for thus favourably assisting him in this affair, -where he had come off without so much as a Rub, -and that better than he expected, for he did suppose -that to purchase this 100<em>l.</em> it would have cost -him the Twenty Pieces of Gold,for he expected that -the good Woman would have desired him to leave -the <em>Watch</em> behind with her, as her warrant for the -delivery of the Money, which if she had, he could not -have refused it, and now he had Money and <em>Watch</em> -too, wherefore having had so good success he was -resolved to try his good fortune a little further, -and therefore away he went to the Tavern, where -he had left the Captain and Owner of the <em>Watch</em>.</p> - -<p class='c012'>They had hardly Dined, so that he had part of a -good Dinner, was welcomed by all the Company, -who in his absence had enquired of one another, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_320'>320</span>who this unknown Merchant was, and seeing him -so full of Gold, they doubted not his ability, but -they were resolved to treat him handsomely, which -they did, and the Dinner being ended, he redelivered -the <em>Watch</em>, and received back his Gold, -with a Complement from the Owner, that he -begg’d his pardon for taking any thing as an engagement, -and desiring his further acquaintance; -but Dinner being ended, and a good quantity of -Wine brush’d off, they promising to meet the next -day at the <em>Exchange</em>, departed, I suppose they all -did meet, especially the owner of the <em>Watch</em>, to -enquire of the Captain, for his Merchant, and also -the Captain, to conclude his begun bargain with -our Counterfeit Merchant, but he, although he had -made them a fair promise to meet, yet he came -not there, he had other Eggs on the Spit, his -affairs lay now at the other end of the Town, and -although he had made as profitable a bargain the -last Exchange-time, as most Merchants that came -thither, yet he had no mind to return thither in -hast. But with all the hast he could, he removed -his Money and Quarters to the other end of the -Town, and that he might pass the more securely -undiscovered; he left off his Merchant-like habit, -wherein he had performed his exploit, and put -on Cloaths more modish and gallant, with a Sword -and Belt, and large Perriwig, in this disguise -he passed without any discovery, by those -who sought out for him, but one of his Extravagant -acquaintance meeting him, although -thus accoutred, soon knew him, and believing -that some Extraordinary adventure had fallen -out, was very desirous to be acquainted with it, -wherefore that they might compare notes together, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_321'>321</span>they put in to the next Tavern, our Extravagant’s -Companion saw by this disguisement, -that there was somewhat in the wind, somewhat -extraordinary had befallen him, and withall that -he was shy in declaring it, wherefore to the end -that he might induce him, to tell him how squares -went with him, he told him that he had had a -very luck since they parted last; for, said he, I -met with a brave Prize within these two days -which I carried off with very little hazard or danger, -and this it was, I was sauntring about the -streets, to see and observe where I might get a -purchase, and at length I observed a Coach was -called for, it was neer <em>Aldgate</em>, and it was just -about the dusk of the Evening, I having nothing -else to do, resolved to see what Company was to -go in the Coach, and therefore waited not long, -but saw it was only a Woman and a Child, and -withall there was two bundles of Linnen. I seeing -there was no more Company, was resolv’d to -be Master of one of those bundles, neither did I -question to do it with ease enough, I observed -which way the Coach drove, and went along with -it. There was so many Passengers with Lanthorns, -Links and Torches walking backwards and -forwards, that I was forced to Laquey this Woman -till the Coach had brought her to the Stocks -in the <em>Poultrey</em>, there observing it to be a narrow -dark place, and no lights neer me, and having -my purchase in my eye, I soon had it in my -hand and slapt it under my Coat.</p> - -<p class='c012'>The Woman saw me seize it, and therefore -cryed out immediately, but the Coachman not -presently hearing of her, and he driving on towards -<em>Cheapside</em>, I thought it would be necessary -<span class='pageno' id='Page_322'>322</span>for me to march off another way, and so I did, -returning back again, but not the very same way -we had come, that is, down <em>Cornhil</em>, but now returning -back by <em>Lombardstreet</em>, I did hear the -Woman cry out, Hold Coachman, I am rob’d! -but I suppose he driving one way, and I running -another, I was got to <em>Gracious-street</em>, and he to -<em>Cheapside</em> before he stopt, and so then it was to -no purpose to look after me, for I soon crossed -<em>London</em> Bridge, and went to my old Quarters in -<em>Southwark</em>; when I came there I undid my fardle, -but it was filled with such a parcel, as I -understood very little, I think there was 100 several -pieces of fowl Linnen, which upon examination, -I found to be Childbed Linnen, and withall -there was Blankets and Mantles, but above -all there was the <em>Unum necessarium</em>, a parcel of -good ready Money, <em>Ten Pieces</em> of good old Gold, -and <em>Five Pounds</em> in Silver, the sight of this -pleased my eyes, and I thanked my stars for my -good fortune. Although (continued he) I knew -not so well what to do with the Linnen, as I did -with the money, yet I knew it was too good to -be thrown away, and that it would fetch good -ready money, but in the pickle it was in, I thought -it not convenient to offer it to sell, wherefore I -resolved to have it washed, and in order thereto, -said he, I am now going to an old acquaintance, -a Woman who gets the best part of her living by -washing and starching, and I intend to intrust her -not only to wash and starch, but also to sell this -Commodity for me. And (this concluded he) is -my business at present, and now I have told you -mine, I pray acquaint me with yours.</p> - -<p class='c012'><span class='pageno' id='Page_323'>323</span>Our Extravagant understanding from his acquaintance, -that he had lately gained a Prize, -and by that concluding that he was not in want of -money, so that he was not obliged to impart any -of his Prize to him, which is a customary thing -between Persons of that quality, he therefore -without much perswasions acquainted him with -his late good fortune in the adventure of the 100<em>l.</em></p> - -<p class='c012'>This discourse us’d, the business of drinking -being over, our Extravagant’s Companion desired -him to go with him a little way to the old -Laundress, he spake of, that he might deliver his -Pack of smal things to her ordering and dispose, -he was not hard to be entreated, wherefore away -they went together. But when they came there, -they found the old Woman all in tears, for she -being in debt a Sum of Money, that she was not -able to pay, and an Attachment having been -brought against her Goods, she not having Money -or skill to defend the Suit, her adversary had obtained -Judgement against her, and thereupon the -execution was deliver’d into the Bayliffs hands, -who at this very minute that our Extravagants -came, was come also to seize the Goods, and this -was the occasion of the old Womans Lamentation.</p> - -<p class='c012'>She gave the Bayliff all the good words she -could, and they not prevailing, she fell to railing -and scolding, but it was all one to him, he minded -her not, but proceeded in executing his Office, -and delivered out to his Man all the poor Womans -goods, one piece after another, and there -was nothing now remaining, but a kittle which -stood on a Trevet over the Fire, and the Utensils -of the Chimney. He told her he must have the -Kettle, but she might take out the Cloathes, she -<span class='pageno' id='Page_324'>324</span>saying they were none of hers, but she refusing to -empty the Kettle, he took it off from the Fire, -and threw the water and Cloathes that was in it -about the house. The old Woman seeing this, -and being resolved to be revenged on him, took -the Tongs in her hands, and with them took up -the Trevet, which was red hot, and lifting it up, -clapt it about the Bayliffs neck, saying, <em>Since you -will have all, then you shall have all</em>. He was -quickly so sensible of the fire, that he roared and -cryed out like a Mad-man, and believing that it -would burn him to death, for it had already made -his flesh fry, to save his Neck and Shoulders, was -forced to take it hot as it was, into his hands, to -throw it off: This adventure was like to have -proved Tragical to the hard-hearted Bayliff, who -with much difficulty disingaged himself. But our -two Extravagants were extreamly well-pleased -with the Washer-womans Revenge, as we hope -the <em>Reader</em> will be; and now we shall put an end -to this <em>Fourth Part</em>: And, if (as we hope) you -are pleased with what is already written, we shall -in short time give you greater pleasure and satisfaction -in the Continuation of our Extravagants -adventures, which shall be fully finished in a <em>Fifth</em> -and <em>Last</em> Part.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><em>FINIS.</em></div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='tnotes'> - -<p class='c000'><a id='endnote'></a></p> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><span class='large'>Transcriber’s Note.</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c000'>While acknowledging the author’s sentiment in the Preface regarding -errors, spelling in that era was extremely variable, and any corrections -made here were limited to the most obvious lapses. As the table below -will show, ‘e/c’, and ‘u/n’ errors, as well as doubled words, were most common.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The word ‘Gaol’ is printed interchangeably as ‘Goal’, and all -such instances are retained.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Due to the variability of hyphenation, where a hyphenation occurs on a line -or page break, the hyphen is retained or removed based on the preponderance -of the same word elsewhere. Where there are no other or similar instances, -the decision was based on modern usage.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The following table summarizes the issues encountered, and their -resolution:</p> - -<table class='table0' summary=''> -<colgroup> -<col width='14%' /> -<col width='63%' /> -<col width='22%' /> -</colgroup> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_ii.24'></a><a href='#corrii.24'>ii.24</a></td> - <td class='c021'>As to the verity of those ingenio[n/u]s Exploits,</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_14.2'></a><a href='#corr14.2'>14.2</a></td> - <td class='c021'>a large [M/D]ish of most incomparable</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_22.6'></a><a href='#corr22.6'>22.6</a></td> - <td class='c021'>[e/c]onfession at the Gallows of all her former</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_24.1'></a><a href='#corr24.1'>24.1</a></td> - <td class='c021'>a Merchant of <i>Naples</i>, pay[a]able</td> - <td class='c022'>Removed.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_45.14'></a><a href='#corr45.14'>45.14</a></td> - <td class='c021'>I took exact noti[e/c]e of his Unkles name,</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_102.15'></a><a href='#corr102.15'>102.15</a></td> - <td class='c021'>finally co[n/u]nselling me</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_108.20'></a><a href='#corr108.20'>108.20</a></td> - <td class='c021'>but first I[ I] plumm’d the depth of the Vault</td> - <td class='c022'>Removed.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_123.1'></a><a href='#corr123.1'>123.1</a></td> - <td class='c021'>[(]which proved to be a <em>Practice of Piety</em>)</td> - <td class='c022'>Added.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_124.18'></a><a href='#corr124.18'>124.18</a></td> - <td class='c021'>yo[n/u]r walk</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_133.12'></a><a href='#corr133.12'>133.12</a></td> - <td class='c021'>if I were aloft, a[ ]head, or abaft</td> - <td class='c022'>Added.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_136.8'></a><a href='#corr136.8'>136.8</a></td> - <td class='c021'>was deeply musing [m/w]ith myself</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_138.18'></a><a href='#corr138.18'>138.18</a></td> - <td class='c021'>I laying them [caresly] upon the Dresser</td> - <td class='c022'><em>sic</em></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_140.24'></a><a href='#corr140.24'>140.24</a></td> - <td class='c021'>lasht me with [VV/W]hipcord</td> - <td class='c022'>Recorded.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_143.11'></a><a href='#corr143.11'>143.11</a></td> - <td class='c021'>till we set Sail.[’]</td> - <td class='c022'>Added.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_152.27'></a><a href='#corr152.27'>152.27</a></td> - <td class='c021'>daring to s[h/t]ay longer in <em>London</em></td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_165.13'></a><a href='#corr165.13'>165.13</a></td> - <td class='c021'>nor encouraging as the <i>Anabaptists</i>; and finding that [that]</td> - <td class='c022'>Removed.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_184.18'></a><a href='#corr184.18'>184.18</a></td> - <td class='c021'>expensive Courts[t/h]ip,</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_204.8'></a><a href='#corr204.8'>204.8</a></td> - <td class='c021'>against <i>Shadwell-Do[e/c]k</i>.</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_212.4'></a><a href='#corr212.4'>212.4</a></td> - <td class='c021'>I knew qui[e/c]kly</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_215.27'></a><a href='#corr215.27'>215.27</a></td> - <td class='c021'>won threescore and upward[,/.]</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_216.2'></a><a href='#corr216.2'>216.2</a></td> - <td class='c021'>those ill [i/t]idings,</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_220.33'></a><a href='#corr220.33'>220.33</a></td> - <td class='c021'>an errant piece of impuden[e/c]e</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_222.15'></a><a href='#corr222.15'>222.15</a></td> - <td class='c021'>prosecuti[u/n]g his more serious affairs</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_223.1'></a><a href='#corr223.1'>223.1</a></td> - <td class='c021'>to increase their [fl/st]ore</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_224.34'></a><a href='#corr224.34'>224.34</a></td> - <td class='c021'>who was [not] only well cliented</td> - <td class='c022'><em>sic</em> Missing?</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_227.14'></a><a href='#corr227.14'>227.14</a></td> - <td class='c021'>Ames[, /-]Ace,</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_236.16'></a><a href='#corr236.16'>236.16</a></td> - <td class='c021'>A Gentlem[e/a]n who was well stored</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_258.6'></a><a href='#corr258.6'>258.6</a></td> - <td class='c021'>at great Cost and Charges[./,] in the Provision aforesaid</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_266.28'></a><a href='#corr266.28'>266.28</a></td> - <td class='c021'>to the place w[h]ere our Old Fellow was</td> - <td class='c022'>Added.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_270.4'></a><a href='#corr270.4'>270.4</a></td> - <td class='c021'>our young[s] mans Father</td> - <td class='c022'>Removed.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_294.4'></a><a href='#corr294.4'>294.4</a></td> - <td class='c021'>her best Wea[l]th;</td> - <td class='c022'>Added.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_311.12'></a><a href='#corr311.12'>311.12</a></td> - <td class='c021'>Sword and Belt, Half-Shirts[,] Bands, Caravats,</td> - <td class='c022'>Added.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_312.3'></a><a href='#corr312.3'>312.3</a></td> - <td class='c021'>came to our Extrav[a]gant to examine him privately</td> - <td class='c022'>Added.</td> - </tr> -</table> - -</div> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The English Rogue: Continued in the -Life of Meriton Latroon, and Other , by Francis Kirkman and Richard Head - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ENGLISH ROGUE: FOURTH PART *** - -***** This file should be named 52822-h.htm or 52822-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/2/8/2/52822/ - -Produced by KD Weeks, Chris Curnow and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -file was produced from images generously made available -by The Internet Archive) - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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