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+The Project Gutenberg EBook The Contented Cuckold, by De La Fontaine
+#2 in our series by Jean de La Fontaine (The Tales and Novels)
+
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+Title: The Tales and Novels, v2: The Contented Cuckold and Others
+
+Author: Jean de La Fontaine
+
+Release Date: March, 2004  [EBook #5276]
+[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule]
+[This file was first posted on June 14, 2002]
+
+Edition: 10
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
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+
+
+
+
+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TALES AND NOVELS OF FONTAINE, V2 ***
+
+
+
+This eBook was produced by David Widger
+
+
+
+[NOTE: There is a short list of bookmarks, or pointers, at the end of the
+file for those who may wish to sample the author's ideas before making an
+entire meal of them.  D.W.]
+
+
+
+
+
+                       THE TALES AND NOVELS
+                                OF
+                        J. DE LA FONTAINE
+
+
+
+          Volume 2.
+
+          Contents:
+             The Cudgelled and Contented Cuckold
+             The Husband Confessor
+             The Cobbler
+             The Peasant and His Angry Lord
+
+
+
+                       THE CUDGELLED AND
+                       CONTENTED CUCKOLD
+
+
+          SOME time ago from Rome, in smart array,
+          A younger brother homeward bent his way,
+          Not much improved, as frequently the case
+          With those who travel to that famous place.
+          Upon the road oft finding, where he stayed,
+          Delightful wines, and handsome belle or maid,
+          With careless ease he loitered up and down.--
+          One day there passed him in a country town,
+          Attended by a page, a lady fair,
+          Whose charming form and all-engaging air,
+          At once his bosom fired with fond desire;
+          And nearer still, her beauties to admire.
+          He most gallantly saw her safely home;
+          Attentions charm the sex where'er we roam.
+
+          OUR thoughtless rambler pleasures always sought:
+          From Rome this spark had num'rous pardons brought;
+          But,--as to virtues (this too oft we find),
+          He'd left them,--with his HOLINESS behind!
+
+          THE lady was, by ev'ry one, confessed,
+          Of beauty, youth, and elegance possessed;
+          She wanted naught to form her bliss below,
+          But one whose love would ever fondly flow.
+
+          INDEED so fickle proved this giddy youth,
+          That nothing long would please his heart or tooth;
+          Howe'er he earnestly inquired her name,
+          And ev'ry other circumstance the same.
+          She's lady, they replied, to great 'squire Good,
+          Who's almost bald from age 'tis understood;
+          But as he's rich, and high in rank appears,
+          Why that's a recompense you know for years.
+
+          THESE facts our young gallant no sooner gained,
+          But ardent hopes at once he entertained;
+          To wily plots his mind he quickly bent,
+          And to a neighb'ring town his servants sent;
+          Then, at the house where dwelled our noble 'squire,
+          His humble services proposed for hire.
+
+          PRETENDING ev'ry sort of work he knew,
+          He soon a fav'rite with old Square-toes grew,
+          Who (first advising with his charming mate),
+          Chief falc'ner made him o'er his fine estate.
+
+          THE new domestick much the lady pleased;
+          He watched and eagerly the moment seized,
+          His ardent passion boldly to declare,
+          In which he showed a novice had no share.
+
+          'TWAS managed well, for nothing but the chase,
+          Could Square-toes tempt to quit her fond embrace,
+          And then our falc'ner must his steps attend:--
+          The very time he wished at home to spend.
+          The lady similar emotions showed;
+          For opportunity their bosoms glowed;
+          And who will feel in argument so bold,
+          When this I say, the contrary to hold?
+          At length with pity Cupid saw the case,
+          And kindly lent his aid to their embrace.
+
+          ONE night the lady said, with eager eyes,
+          My dear, among our servants, which d'ye prize,
+          For moral conduct most and upright heart?
+          To this her spouse replied, the faithful part
+          Is with the falc'ner found, I must decide:
+          To him my life I'd readily confide.
+
+          THEN you are wrong, said she,--most truly so,
+          For he's a good-for-nothing wretch I know;
+          You'll scarcely credit it, but t'other day,
+          He had the barefaced impudence to say,
+          He loved me much, and then his passion pressed:
+          I'd nearly fallen, I was so distressed.
+          To tear his eyes out, I designed at first,
+          And e'en to choke this wretch, of knaves the worst;
+          By prudence solely was I then restrained,
+          For fear the world should think his point was gained.
+
+          THE better then to prove his dark intent,
+          I feigned an inclination to consent,
+          And in the garden, promised as to-night,
+          I'd near the pear-tree meet this roguish wight.
+          Said I, my husband never moves from hence;
+          No jealous fancy, but to show the sense
+          He entertains of my pure, virtuous life,
+          And fond affection for a loving wife.
+          Thus circumstanced, your wishes see are vain,
+          Unless when he's asleep a march I gain,
+          And softly stealing from his torpid side,
+          With trembling steps I, to my lover, glide.
+          So things remain, my dear; an odd affair:--
+          On this Square-toes 'gan to curse and swear;
+          But his fond rib most earnestly besought,
+          His rage to stifle, as she clearly thought,
+          He might in person, if he'd take the pain,
+          Secure the rascal and redress obtain
+          You know, said she, the tree is near the door,
+          Upon the left and bears of fruit great store;
+          But if I may my sentiments express,
+          In cap and petticoats you'd best to dress;
+          His insolence is great, and you'll be right,
+          To give your strokes with double force to night;
+          Well work his back; flat lay him on the ground:--
+          A rascal! honourable ladies round,
+          No doubt he many times has served the same;
+          'Tis such impostors characters defame.
+          To rouse his wrath the story quite sufficed;
+          The spouse resolved to do as she advised.
+          Howe'er to dupe him was an easy lot;
+          The hour arrived, his dress he soon had got,
+          Away he ran with anxious fond delight.
+          In hopes the wily spark to trap that night.
+          But no one there our easy fool could see,
+          And while he waited near the fav'rite tree,
+          Half dead with cold, the falc'ner slyly stole,
+          To her who had so well contrived the whole;
+          Time, place, and disposition, all combined
+          The loving pair to mutual joys resigned.
+          When our expert gallant had with the dame,
+          An hour or more indulged his ardent flame,
+          Though forced at length to quit the loving lass,
+          'Twas not without the favourite parting glass;
+          He then the garden sought, where long the 'squire,
+          Upon the knave had wished to vent his ire.
+
+          NO sooner he the silly husband spied,
+          But feigning 'twas the wily wife he eyed,
+          At once he cried,--ah, vilest of the sex!
+          Are these thy tricks, so good a man to vex?
+          Oh shame upon thee! thus to treat his love,
+          As pure as snow, descending from above.
+          I could not think thou hadst so base a heart,
+          But clear it is, thou need'st a friendly part,
+          And that I'll act: I asked this rendezvous
+          With full intent to see if thou wert true;
+          And, God be praised, without a loose design,
+          To plunge in luxuries pronounced divine.
+          Protect me Heav'n! poor sinner that I'm here!
+          To guard thy honour I will persevere.
+          My worthy master could I thus disgrace?
+          Thou wanton baggage with unblushing face,
+          Thee on the spot I'll instantly chastise,
+          And then thy husband of the fact advise.
+
+          THE fierce harangue o'er Square-toes pleasure spread,
+          Who, mutt'ring 'tween his teeth, with fervour said:
+          O gracious Lord! to thee my thanks are due--
+          To have a wife so chaste--a man so true!
+          But presently he felt upon his back
+          The falc'ner's cudgel vigorously thwack,
+          Who soundly basted him as on he ran,
+          To gain the house, with terror, pale and wan.
+
+          THE squire had wished his trusty man, no doubt,
+          Had not, at cudgelling, been quite so stout;
+          But since he showed himself so true a friend,
+          And with his actions could such prudence blend,
+          The master fully pardoned what he knew,
+          And quickly to his wife in bed he flew,
+          When he related every thing that passed
+          Were we, cried he, a hundred years to last,
+          My lovely dear, we ne'er on earth could find
+          A man so faithful, and so well inclined.
+          I'd have him take within our town a wife,
+          And you and I'll regard him during life.
+          In that, replied the lady, we agree,
+          And heartily thereto I pledged will be.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+                     THE HUSBAND-CONFESSOR
+
+
+          WHEN Francis (named the first) o'er Frenchmen reign'd,
+          In Italy young Arthur laurels gained,
+          And oft such daring valour showed in fight,
+          With ev'ry honour he was made a knight;
+          The monarch placed the spur upon his heel,
+          That all around his proper worth might feel.
+          Then household deities at home he sought,
+          Where--not at prayers his beauteous dame he caught:
+          He'd left her, truly, quite dissolv'd in tears;
+          But now the belle had bid adieu to fears;
+          And oft was dancing joyously around,
+          With all the company that could be found.
+
+          GALLANTS in crowds Sir Arthur soon perceived;
+          At sight of these the knight was sorely grieved;
+          And, turning in his mind how best to act;
+          Cried he, Can this be truly held a fact,
+          That I've been worthy while I'd fame in view,
+          Of cuckoldom at home, and knighthood too?
+          It ought to be but half:--the truth let's know;
+          From constancy the purest blessings flow.
+          Then like a father-confessor he dressed,
+          And took his seat where priests their flock confessed.
+          His lady absolution sought that day,
+          And on her knees before him 'gan to pray;
+          The minor sins were told with downcast eyes,
+          And then for hearing those of larger size,
+          The husband-confessor prepared his ears:--
+          Said she, Good father, ('mid a flood of tears),
+          My bed receives, (the fault I fear's not slight,)
+          A gentleman, a parson, and a knight.
+          Still more had followed, but, by rage o'ercome,
+          Sir Arthur cut the thread, and she was mum;
+          Though, doubtless, had the fair been let proceed,
+          Quite long her Litany had been decreed.
+
+          THe husband, in a rage, exclaimed, thou jade,
+          A parson, say'st thou? t'whom dost think thou'st made
+          This curst confession?--To my spouse, cried she,
+          I saw you enter here, and came with glee,
+          Supposing you'd a trick to raise surprise;
+          Howe'er 'tis strange that one so very wise,
+          The riddle should not fully comprehend:--
+          A KNIGHT, the king created you, my friend;
+          A GENTLEMAN, your rank was long ago;
+          A PARSON, you have made yourself you know.
+          Goon heav'ns! exclaimed the knight, 'tis very clear,
+          And I a blockhead surely must appear.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+                          THE COBBLER
+
+
+          WE'RE told, that once a cobbler, BLASE by name;
+          A wife had got, whose charms so high in fame;
+          But as it happened, that their cash was spent,
+          The honest couple to a neighbour went,
+          A corn-factor by trade, not overwise
+          To whom they stated facts without disguise;
+          And begged, with falt'ring voice denoting care,
+          That he, of wheat, would half a measure spare,
+          Upon their note, which readily he gave,
+          And all advantages desired to wave.
+
+          THE time for payment came; the money used;
+          The cash our factor would not be refused;
+          Of writs he talked, attorneys, and distress;
+          The reason:--heav'n can tell, and you may guess;
+          In short, 'twas clear our gay gallant desired,
+          To cheer the wife, whose beauty all admired.
+
+          SAID he, what anxiously I wish to get,
+          You've plenty stored, and never wanted yet;
+          You surely know my meaning?--Yes, she cried;
+          I'll turn it in my mind, and we'll decide
+          How best to act.    Away she quickly flew,
+          And Blase informed, what Ninny had in view.
+          Zounds! said the cobbler, we must see, my dear,
+          To hook this little sum:--the way is clear;
+          No risk I'm confident; for prithee run
+          And tell him I've a journey just begun;
+          That he may hither come and have his will;
+          But 'ere he touch thy lips, demand the bill;
+          He'll not refuse the boon I'm very sure;
+          Meantime, myself I'll hide and all secure.
+          The note obtained, cough loudly, strong, and clear;
+          Twice let it be, that I may plainly hear;
+          Then forth I'll sally from my lurking place,
+          And, spite of folly's frowns, prevent disgrace.
+
+          THE, plot succeeded as the pair desired;
+          The cobbler laughed, and ALL his scheme admired:
+
+          A purse-proud cit thereon observed and swore;
+          'Twere better to have coughed when all was o'er;
+          Then you, all three, would have enjoyed your wish,
+          And been in future all as mute as fish.
+
+          OH! sir, replied the cobbler's wife at ease,
+          Do you suppose that use can hope to please,
+          And like your ladies full of sense appear?
+          (For two were seated with his wedded dear;)
+          Perhaps my lady 'd act as you describe,
+          But ev'ry one such prudence don't imbibe.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+                 THE PEASANT AND HIS ANGRY LORD
+
+
+          ONCE on a time, as hist'ry's page relates,
+          A lord, possessed of many large estates,
+          Was angry with a poor and humble clod,
+          Who tilled his grounds and feared his very nod.
+          Th' offence (as often happens) was but small,
+          But on him, vowed the peer, his rage should fall--
+          Said he, a halter, rascal, you deserve;
+          You'll never from the gallows-turnpike swerve:
+          Or, soon or late you swinging will be found
+          Who, born for hanging, ever yet was drowned?
+          Howe'er you'll smile to hear my lenient voice;
+          Observe, three punishments await your choice;
+          Take which you will.--The first is, you shall eat,
+          Of strongest garlick, thirty heads complete;
+          No drink you'll have between, nor sleep, nor rest;
+          You know a breach of promise I detest.
+          Or, on your shoulders further I propose,
+          To give you, with a cudgel, thirty blows.
+          Or, if more pleasing, that you truly pay,
+          The sum of thirty pounds without delay.
+
+          THE peasant 'gan to turn things in his mind:--
+          Said he, to take the heads I'm not inclined;
+          No drink, you say, between; that makes it worse;
+          To eat the garlick thus, would prove a curse.
+          Nor can I suffer on my tender back,
+          That, with a cudgel, thirty blows you thwack.
+          Still harder thirty pounds to pay appeared;
+          Uncertain how to act, he hanging feared.
+          The noble peer he begged, upon his knees,
+          His penitence to hear, and sentence ease.
+          But mercy dwelled not with the angry lord
+          Is this, cried he, the answer?--bring a cord.
+          The peasant, trembling lest his life was sought;
+          The garlick chose, which presently was brought.
+
+          UPON a dish my lord the number told;
+          Clod no way liked the garlick to behold.
+          With piteous mien the garlick head he took,
+          Then on it num'rous ways was led to look,
+          And grumbling much, began to spit and eat,
+          just like a cat with mustard on her meat,
+          To touch it with his tongue he durst not do;
+          He knew not how to act or what pursue.
+          The peer, delighted at the man's distress,
+          The garlick made him bite, and chew, and press,
+          Then gulp it down as if delicious fare;
+          The first he passed; the second made him swear;
+          The third he found was every whit as sad,
+          He wished the devil had it, 'twas so bad.
+          In short, when at the twelfth our wight arrived,
+          He thought his mouth and throat of skin deprived.
+          Said he, some drink I earnestly intreat;
+          What, Greg'ry, cried my lord, dost feel a heat;
+          In thy repasts dost love to wet thy jaws?
+          Well! well! I won't object; thou know'st my laws;
+          Much good may't do thee; here, some wine, some wine!
+          Yet recollect, to drink, since you design,
+          That afterward, my friend, you'll have to choose
+          The thirty blows, or thirty pounds to lose.
+          But, cried the peasant, I sincerely pray,
+          Your lordship's goodness, that the garlick may
+          Be taken in the account, for as to pelf,
+          Where can an humble lab'rer, like myself,
+          Expect the sum of thirty pounds to seize?
+          Then, said the peer, be cudgelled if you please;
+          Take thirty thwacks; for naught the garlick goes.
+          To moisten well his throat, and ease his woes,
+          The peasant drank a copious draught of wine,
+          And then to bear the cudgel would resign.
+
+          A SINGLE blow he patiently endured;
+          The second, howsoe'er, his patience cured;
+          The third was more severe, and each was worse;
+          The punishment he now began to curse;
+          Two lusty wights, with cudgels thrashed his back
+          And regularly gave him thwack and thwack;
+          He cried, he roared, for grace he begged his lord,
+          Who marked each blow, and would no ease accord;
+          But carefully observed, from time to time,
+          That lenity he always thought sublime;
+          His gravity preserved; considered too
+          The blows received and what continued due.
+
+          AT length, when Greg'ry twenty strokes had got,
+          He piteously exclaimed:--if more's my lot
+          I never shall survive! Oh! pray forgive,
+          If you desire, my lord, that I should live.
+          Then down with thirty pounds, replied the peer,
+          Since you the blows so much pretend to fear;
+          I'm sorry for you; but if all the gold
+          Be not prepared, your godfather, I'm told,
+          Can lend a part; yet, since so far you've been,
+          To flinch the rest you surely won't be seen.
+
+          THE wretched peasant to his lordship flew,
+          And trembling cried--'tis up! the number view!
+          A scrutiny was made, which nothing gained;
+          No choice but pay the money now remained;
+          This grieved him much, and o'er the fellow's face;
+          The dewy drops were seen to flow apace.
+          All useless proved:--the full demand he sent,
+          With which the peer expressed himself content.
+          Unlucky he whoe'er his lord offends!
+          To golden ore, howe'er, the proud man bends:
+
+          'TWAS vain that Gregory a pardon prayed;
+          For trivial faults the peasant dearly paid;
+          His throat enflamed--his tender back well beat--
+          His money gone--and all to make complete,
+          Without the least deduction for the pain,
+          The blows and garlick gave the trembling swain.
+
+
+
+
+ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS:
+
+Who, born for hanging, ever yet was drowned?
+
+
+
+
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TALES AND NOVELS OF FONTAINE, V2 ***
+
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