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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text @@ -0,0 +1,3707 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Heart of Darkness, by Joseph Conrad + +******************************************************************* +THERE IS AN HTML EDITION OF THIS TITLE WHICH MAY BE VIEWED AS +EBOOK (#219) at https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/219 +******************************************************************* + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Heart of Darkness + +Author: Joseph Conrad + +Release Date: January 9, 2006 [EBook #526] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HEART OF DARKNESS *** + + + + +Produced by Judith Boss and David Widger + + + + + +[Note: See also etext #219 which is a different version of this eBook] + +HEART OF DARKNESS + + +By Joseph Conrad + + + +I + +The Nellie, a cruising yawl, swung to her anchor without a flutter of +the sails, and was at rest. The flood had made, the wind was nearly +calm, and being bound down the river, the only thing for it was to come +to and wait for the turn of the tide. + +The sea-reach of the Thames stretched before us like the beginning of +an interminable waterway. In the offing the sea and the sky were welded +together without a joint, and in the luminous space the tanned sails +of the barges drifting up with the tide seemed to stand still in red +clusters of canvas sharply peaked, with gleams of varnished sprits. A +haze rested on the low shores that ran out to sea in vanishing flatness. +The air was dark above Gravesend, and farther back still seemed +condensed into a mournful gloom, brooding motionless over the biggest, +and the greatest, town on earth. + +The Director of Companies was our captain and our host. We four +affectionately watched his back as he stood in the bows looking to +seaward. On the whole river there was nothing that looked half so +nautical. He resembled a pilot, which to a seaman is trustworthiness +personified. It was difficult to realize his work was not out there in +the luminous estuary, but behind him, within the brooding gloom. + +Between us there was, as I have already said somewhere, the bond of +the sea. Besides holding our hearts together through long periods of +separation, it had the effect of making us tolerant of each other's +yarns--and even convictions. The Lawyer--the best of old fellows--had, +because of his many years and many virtues, the only cushion on deck, +and was lying on the only rug. The Accountant had brought out already a +box of dominoes, and was toying architecturally with the bones. Marlow +sat cross-legged right aft, leaning against the mizzen-mast. He had +sunken cheeks, a yellow complexion, a straight back, an ascetic aspect, +and, with his arms dropped, the palms of hands outwards, resembled an +idol. The Director, satisfied the anchor had good hold, made his way +aft and sat down amongst us. We exchanged a few words lazily. Afterwards +there was silence on board the yacht. For some reason or other we did +not begin that game of dominoes. We felt meditative, and fit for nothing +but placid staring. The day was ending in a serenity of still and +exquisite brilliance. The water shone pacifically; the sky, without a +speck, was a benign immensity of unstained light; the very mist on the +Essex marshes was like a gauzy and radiant fabric, hung from the wooded +rises inland, and draping the low shores in diaphanous folds. Only the +gloom to the west, brooding over the upper reaches, became more somber +every minute, as if angered by the approach of the sun. + +And at last, in its curved and imperceptible fall, the sun sank low, and +from glowing white changed to a dull red without rays and without heat, +as if about to go out suddenly, stricken to death by the touch of that +gloom brooding over a crowd of men. + +Forthwith a change came over the waters, and the serenity became less +brilliant but more profound. The old river in its broad reach rested +unruffled at the decline of day, after ages of good service done to the +race that peopled its banks, spread out in the tranquil dignity of a +waterway leading to the uttermost ends of the earth. We looked at the +venerable stream not in the vivid flush of a short day that comes and +departs for ever, but in the august light of abiding memories. And +indeed nothing is easier for a man who has, as the phrase goes, +"followed the sea" with reverence and affection, than to evoke the +great spirit of the past upon the lower reaches of the Thames. The tidal +current runs to and fro in its unceasing service, crowded with memories +of men and ships it had borne to the rest of home or to the battles +of the sea. It had known and served all the men of whom the nation is +proud, from Sir Francis Drake to Sir John Franklin, knights all, titled +and untitled--the great knights-errant of the sea. It had borne all the +ships whose names are like jewels flashing in the night of time, from +the Golden Hind returning with her round flanks full of treasure, to be +visited by the Queen's Highness and thus pass out of the gigantic tale, +to the Erebus and Terror, bound on other conquests--and that never +returned. It had known the ships and the men. They had sailed from +Deptford, from Greenwich, from Erith--the adventurers and the settlers; +kings' ships and the ships of men on 'Change; captains, admirals, the +dark "interlopers" of the Eastern trade, and the commissioned "generals" +of East India fleets. Hunters for gold or pursuers of fame, they all +had gone out on that stream, bearing the sword, and often the torch, +messengers of the might within the land, bearers of a spark from the +sacred fire. What greatness had not floated on the ebb of that river +into the mystery of an unknown earth! . . . The dreams of men, the seed +of commonwealths, the germs of empires. + +The sun set; the dusk fell on the stream, and lights began to appear +along the shore. The Chapman lighthouse, a three-legged thing erect on a +mud-flat, shone strongly. Lights of ships moved in the fairway--a great +stir of lights going up and going down. And farther west on the upper +reaches the place of the monstrous town was still marked ominously on +the sky, a brooding gloom in sunshine, a lurid glare under the stars. + +"And this also," said Marlow suddenly, "has been one of the dark places +of the earth." + +He was the only man of us who still "followed the sea." The worst that +could be said of him was that he did not represent his class. He was a +seaman, but he was a wanderer, too, while most seamen lead, if one may +so express it, a sedentary life. Their minds are of the stay-at-home +order, and their home is always with them--the ship; and so is their +country--the sea. One ship is very much like another, and the sea is +always the same. In the immutability of their surroundings the foreign +shores, the foreign faces, the changing immensity of life, glide past, +veiled not by a sense of mystery but by a slightly disdainful ignorance; +for there is nothing mysterious to a seaman unless it be the sea itself, +which is the mistress of his existence and as inscrutable as Destiny. +For the rest, after his hours of work, a casual stroll or a casual spree +on shore suffices to unfold for him the secret of a whole continent, +and generally he finds the secret not worth knowing. The yarns of seamen +have a direct simplicity, the whole meaning of which lies within the +shell of a cracked nut. But Marlow was not typical (if his propensity +to spin yarns be excepted), and to him the meaning of an episode was not +inside like a kernel but outside, enveloping the tale which brought it +out only as a glow brings out a haze, in the likeness of one of these +misty halos that sometimes are made visible by the spectral illumination +of moonshine. + +His remark did not seem at all surprising. It was just like Marlow. +It was accepted in silence. No one took the trouble to grunt even; and +presently he said, very slow-- + +"I was thinking of very old times, when the Romans first came here, +nineteen hundred years ago--the other day. . . . Light came out of this +river since--you say Knights? Yes; but it is like a running blaze on +a plain, like a flash of lightning in the clouds. We live in the +flicker--may it last as long as the old earth keeps rolling! But +darkness was here yesterday. Imagine the feelings of a commander of +a fine--what d'ye call 'em?--trireme in the Mediterranean, ordered +suddenly to the north; run overland across the Gauls in a hurry; put in +charge of one of these craft the legionaries,--a wonderful lot of handy +men they must have been too--used to build, apparently by the hundred, +in a month or two, if we may believe what we read. Imagine him here--the +very end of the world, a sea the color of lead, a sky the color of +smoke, a kind of ship about as rigid as a concertina--and going up this +river with stores, or orders, or what you like. Sandbanks, marshes, +forests, savages,--precious little to eat fit for a civilized man, +nothing but Thames water to drink. No Falernian wine here, no going +ashore. Here and there a military camp lost in a wilderness, like a +needle in a bundle of hay--cold, fog, tempests, disease, exile, and +death,--death skulking in the air, in the water, in the bush. They must +have been dying like flies here. Oh yes--he did it. Did it very well, +too, no doubt, and without thinking much about it either, except +afterwards to brag of what he had gone through in his time, perhaps. +They were men enough to face the darkness. And perhaps he was cheered +by keeping his eye on a chance of promotion to the fleet at Ravenna +by-and-by, if he had good friends in Rome and survived the awful +climate. Or think of a decent young citizen in a toga--perhaps too +much dice, you know--coming out here in the train of some prefect, or +tax-gatherer, or trader even, to mend his fortunes. Land in a swamp, +march through the woods, and in some inland post feel the savagery, the +utter savagery, had closed round him,--all that mysterious life of the +wilderness that stirs in the forest, in the jungles, in the hearts of +wild men. There's no initiation either into such mysteries. He has to +live in the midst of the incomprehensible, which is also detestable. And +it has a fascination, too, that goes to work upon him. The fascination +of the abomination--you know. Imagine the growing regrets, the longing +to escape, the powerless disgust, the surrender, the hate." + +He paused. + +"Mind," he began again, lifting one arm from the elbow, the palm of the +hand outwards, so that, with his legs folded before him, he had the +pose of a Buddha preaching in European clothes and without a +lotus-flower--"Mind, none of us would feel exactly like this. What saves +us is efficiency--the devotion to efficiency. But these chaps were not +much account, really. They were no colonists; their administration was +merely a squeeze, and nothing more, I suspect. They were conquerors, and +for that you want only brute force--nothing to boast of, when you have +it, since your strength is just an accident arising from the weakness of +others. They grabbed what they could get for the sake of what was to +be got. It was just robbery with violence, aggravated murder on a great +scale, and men going at it blind--as is very proper for those who tackle +a darkness. The conquest of the earth, which mostly means the taking +it away from those who have a different complexion or slightly flatter +noses than ourselves, is not a pretty thing when you look into it too +much. What redeems it is the idea only. An idea at the back of it; not +a sentimental pretense but an idea; and an unselfish belief in the +idea--something you can set up, and bow down before, and offer a +sacrifice to. . . ." + +He broke off. Flames glided in the river, small green flames, red +flames, white flames, pursuing, overtaking, joining, crossing each +other--then separating slowly or hastily. The traffic of the great city +went on in the deepening night upon the sleepless river. We looked on, +waiting patiently--there was nothing else to do till the end of +the flood; but it was only after a long silence, when he said, in +a hesitating voice, "I suppose you fellows remember I did once turn +fresh-water sailor for a bit," that we knew we were fated, before +the ebb began to run, to hear about one of Marlow's inconclusive +experiences. + +"I don't want to bother you much with what happened to me personally," +he began, showing in this remark the weakness of many tellers of tales +who seem so often unaware of what their audience would best like to +hear; "yet to understand the effect of it on me you ought to know how I +got out there, what I saw, how I went up that river to the place where I +first met the poor chap. It was the farthest point of navigation and the +culminating point of my experience. It seemed somehow to throw a kind of +light on everything about me--and into my thoughts. It was somber enough +too--and pitiful--not extraordinary in any way--not very clear either. +No, not very clear. And yet it seemed to throw a kind of light. + +"I had then, as you remember, just returned to London after a lot of +Indian Ocean, Pacific, China Seas--a regular dose of the East--six years +or so, and I was loafing about, hindering you fellows in your work and +invading your homes, just as though I had got a heavenly mission to +civilize you. It was very fine for a time, but after a bit I did get +tired of resting. Then I began to look for a ship--I should think the +hardest work on earth. But the ships wouldn't even look at me. And I got +tired of that game too. + +"Now when I was a little chap I had a passion for maps. I would look for +hours at South America, or Africa, or Australia, and lose myself in all +the glories of exploration. At that time there were many blank spaces on +the earth, and when I saw one that looked particularly inviting on a map +(but they all look that) I would put my finger on it and say, 'When +I grow up I will go there.' The North Pole was one of these places, I +remember. Well, I haven't been there yet, and shall not try now. The +glamour's off. Other places were scattered about the Equator, and in +every sort of latitude all over the two hemispheres. I have been in some +of them, and . . . well, we won't talk about that. But there was one +yet--the biggest, the most blank, so to speak--that I had a hankering +after. + +"True, by this time it was not a blank space any more. It had got filled +since my boyhood with rivers and lakes and names. It had ceased to be +a blank space of delightful mystery--a white patch for a boy to dream +gloriously over. It had become a place of darkness. But there was in it +one river especially, a mighty big river, that you could see on the map, +resembling an immense snake uncoiled, with its head in the sea, its +body at rest curving afar over a vast country, and its tail lost in the +depths of the land. And as I looked at the map of it in a shop-window, +it fascinated me as a snake would a bird--a silly little bird. Then I +remembered there was a big concern, a Company for trade on that river. +Dash it all! I thought to myself, they can't trade without using some +kind of craft on that lot of fresh water--steamboats! Why shouldn't I +try to get charge of one? I went on along Fleet Street, but could not +shake off the idea. The snake had charmed me. + +"You understand it was a Continental concern, that Trading society; but +I have a lot of relations living on the Continent, because it's cheap +and not so nasty as it looks, they say. + +"I am sorry to own I began to worry them. This was already a fresh +departure for me. I was not used to get things that way, you know. I +always went my own road and on my own legs where I had a mind to go. I +wouldn't have believed it of myself; but, then--you see--I felt somehow +I must get there by hook or by crook. So I worried them. The men said +'My dear fellow,' and did nothing. Then--would you believe it?--I tried +the women. I, Charlie Marlow, set the women to work--to get a job. +Heavens! Well, you see, the notion drove me. I had an aunt, a dear +enthusiastic soul. She wrote: 'It will be delightful. I am ready to do +anything, anything for you. It is a glorious idea. I know the wife of a +very high personage in the Administration, and also a man who has lots +of influence with,' &c., &c. She was determined to make no end of fuss +to get me appointed skipper of a river steamboat, if such was my fancy. + +"I got my appointment--of course; and I got it very quick. It appears +the Company had received news that one of their captains had been killed +in a scuffle with the natives. This was my chance, and it made me the +more anxious to go. It was only months and months afterwards, when I +made the attempt to recover what was left of the body, that I heard the +original quarrel arose from a misunderstanding about some hens. Yes, +two black hens. Fresleven--that was the fellow's name, a Dane--thought +himself wronged somehow in the bargain, so he went ashore and started to +hammer the chief of the village with a stick. Oh, it didn't surprise +me in the least to hear this, and at the same time to be told that +Fresleven was the gentlest, quietest creature that ever walked on two +legs. No doubt he was; but he had been a couple of years already out +there engaged in the noble cause, you know, and he probably felt the +need at last of asserting his self-respect in some way. Therefore he +whacked the old nigger mercilessly, while a big crowd of his people +watched him, thunderstruck, till some man,--I was told the chief's +son,--in desperation at hearing the old chap yell, made a tentative jab +with a spear at the white man--and of course it went quite easy between +the shoulder-blades. Then the whole population cleared into the forest, +expecting all kinds of calamities to happen, while, on the other hand, +the steamer Fresleven commanded left also in a bad panic, in charge of +the engineer, I believe. Afterwards nobody seemed to trouble much +about Fresleven's remains, till I got out and stepped into his shoes. I +couldn't let it rest, though; but when an opportunity offered at last to +meet my predecessor, the grass growing through his ribs was tall enough +to hide his bones. They were all there. The supernatural being had not +been touched after he fell. And the village was deserted, the huts gaped +black, rotting, all askew within the fallen enclosures. A calamity +had come to it, sure enough. The people had vanished. Mad terror had +scattered them, men, women, and children, through the bush, and they had +never returned. What became of the hens I don't know either. I should +think the cause of progress got them, anyhow. However, through this +glorious affair I got my appointment, before I had fairly begun to hope +for it. + +"I flew around like mad to get ready, and before forty-eight hours I +was crossing the Channel to show myself to my employers, and sign the +contract. In a very few hours I arrived in a city that always makes me +think of a whited sepulcher. Prejudice no doubt. I had no difficulty in +finding the Company's offices. It was the biggest thing in the town, +and everybody I met was full of it. They were going to run an over-sea +empire, and make no end of coin by trade. + +"A narrow and deserted street in deep shadow, high houses, innumerable +windows with venetian blinds, a dead silence, grass sprouting between +the stones, imposing carriage archways right and left, immense double +doors standing ponderously ajar. I slipped through one of these cracks, +went up a swept and ungarnished staircase, as arid as a desert, and +opened the first door I came to. Two women, one fat and the other slim, +sat on straw-bottomed chairs, knitting black wool. The slim one got up +and walked straight at me--still knitting with downcast eyes--and only +just as I began to think of getting out of her way, as you would for a +somnambulist, stood still, and looked up. Her dress was as plain as an +umbrella-cover, and she turned round without a word and preceded me +into a waiting-room. I gave my name, and looked about. Deal table in +the middle, plain chairs all round the walls, on one end a large shining +map, marked with all the colors of a rainbow. There was a vast amount of +red--good to see at any time, because one knows that some real work +is done in there, a deuce of a lot of blue, a little green, smears of +orange, and, on the East Coast, a purple patch, to show where the jolly +pioneers of progress drink the jolly lager-beer. However, I wasn't going +into any of these. I was going into the yellow. Dead in the center. And +the river was there--fascinating--deadly--like a snake. Ough! A door +opened, a white-haired secretarial head, but wearing a compassionate +expression, appeared, and a skinny forefinger beckoned me into the +sanctuary. Its light was dim, and a heavy writing-desk squatted in +the middle. From behind that structure came out an impression of pale +plumpness in a frock-coat. The great man himself. He was five feet +six, I should judge, and had his grip on the handle-end of ever so many +millions. He shook hands, I fancy, murmured vaguely, was satisfied with +my French. Bon voyage. + +"In about forty-five seconds I found myself again in the waiting-room +with the compassionate secretary, who, full of desolation and sympathy, +made me sign some document. I believe I undertook amongst other things +not to disclose any trade secrets. Well, I am not going to. + +"I began to feel slightly uneasy. You know I am not used to such +ceremonies, and there was something ominous in the atmosphere. It +was just as though I had been let into some conspiracy--I don't +know--something not quite right; and I was glad to get out. In the outer +room the two women knitted black wool feverishly. People were arriving, +and the younger one was walking back and forth introducing them. The +old one sat on her chair. Her flat cloth slippers were propped up on +a foot-warmer, and a cat reposed on her lap. She wore a starched +white affair on her head, had a wart on one cheek, and silver-rimmed +spectacles hung on the tip of her nose. She glanced at me above the +glasses. The swift and indifferent placidity of that look troubled me. +Two youths with foolish and cheery countenances were being piloted over, +and she threw at them the same quick glance of unconcerned wisdom. She +seemed to know all about them and about me too. An eerie feeling came +over me. She seemed uncanny and fateful. Often far away there I thought +of these two, guarding the door of Darkness, knitting black wool as for +a warm pall, one introducing, introducing continuously to the unknown, +the other scrutinizing the cheery and foolish faces with unconcerned old +eyes. Ave! Old knitter of black wool. Morituri te salutant. Not many of +those she looked at ever saw her again--not half, by a long way. + +"There was yet a visit to the doctor. 'A simple formality,' assured me +the secretary, with an air of taking an immense part in all my sorrows. +Accordingly a young chap wearing his hat over the left eyebrow, some +clerk I suppose,--there must have been clerks in the business, though +the house was as still as a house in a city of the dead,--came from +somewhere up-stairs, and led me forth. He was shabby and careless, with +ink-stains on the sleeves of his jacket, and his cravat was large and +billowy, under a chin shaped like the toe of an old boot. It was a +little too early for the doctor, so I proposed a drink, and thereupon he +developed a vein of joviality. As we sat over our vermouths he glorified +the Company's business, and by-and-by I expressed casually my surprise +at him not going out there. He became very cool and collected all at +once. 'I am not such a fool as I look, quoth Plato to his disciples,' +he said sententiously, emptied his glass with great resolution, and we +rose. + +"The old doctor felt my pulse, evidently thinking of something else +the while. 'Good, good for there,' he mumbled, and then with a certain +eagerness asked me whether I would let him measure my head. Rather +surprised, I said Yes, when he produced a thing like calipers and got +the dimensions back and front and every way, taking notes carefully. He +was an unshaven little man in a threadbare coat like a gaberdine, with +his feet in slippers, and I thought him a harmless fool. 'I always ask +leave, in the interests of science, to measure the crania of those going +out there,' he said. 'And when they come back, too?' I asked. 'Oh, I +never see them,' he remarked; 'and, moreover, the changes take place +inside, you know.' He smiled, as if at some quiet joke. 'So you are +going out there. Famous. Interesting too.' He gave me a searching +glance, and made another note. 'Ever any madness in your family?' he +asked, in a matter-of-fact tone. I felt very annoyed. 'Is that question +in the interests of science too?' 'It would be,' he said, without taking +notice of my irritation, 'interesting for science to watch the mental +changes of individuals, on the spot, but . . .' 'Are you an alienist?' I +interrupted. 'Every doctor should be--a little,' answered that original, +imperturbably. 'I have a little theory which you Messieurs who go out +there must help me to prove. This is my share in the advantages my +country shall reap from the possession of such a magnificent dependency. +The mere wealth I leave to others. Pardon my questions, but you are +the first Englishman coming under my observation. . . .' I hastened +to assure him I was not in the least typical. 'If I were,' said I, +'I wouldn't be talking like this with you.' 'What you say is rather +profound, and probably erroneous,' he said, with a laugh. 'Avoid +irritation more than exposure to the sun. Adieu. How do you English +say, eh? Good-by. Ah! Good-by. Adieu. In the tropics one must before +everything keep calm.' . . . He lifted a warning forefinger. . . . 'Du +calme, du calme. Adieu.' + +"One thing more remained to do--say good-by to my excellent aunt. I +found her triumphant. I had a cup of tea--the last decent cup of tea for +many days--and in a room that most soothingly looked just as you would +expect a lady's drawing-room to look, we had a long quiet chat by the +fireside. In the course of these confidences it became quite plain to me +I had been represented to the wife of the high dignitary, and goodness +knows to how many more people besides, as an exceptional and gifted +creature--a piece of good fortune for the Company--a man you don't get +hold of every day. Good heavens! and I was going to take charge of a +two-penny-halfpenny river-steamboat with a penny whistle attached! It +appeared, however, I was also one of the Workers, with a capital--you +know. Something like an emissary of light, something like a lower sort +of apostle. There had been a lot of such rot let loose in print and talk +just about that time, and the excellent woman, living right in the rush +of all that humbug, got carried off her feet. She talked about 'weaning +those ignorant millions from their horrid ways,' till, upon my word, she +made me quite uncomfortable. I ventured to hint that the Company was run +for profit. + +"'You forget, dear Charlie, that the laborer is worthy of his hire,' she +said, brightly. It's queer how out of touch with truth women are. They +live in a world of their own, and there had never been anything like it, +and never can be. It is too beautiful altogether, and if they were to +set it up it would go to pieces before the first sunset. Some confounded +fact we men have been living contentedly with ever since the day of +creation would start up and knock the whole thing over. + +"After this I got embraced, told to wear flannel, be sure to write +often, and so on--and I left. In the street--I don't know why--a queer +feeling came to me that I was an impostor. Odd thing that I, who used to +clear out for any part of the world at twenty-four hours' notice, with +less thought than most men give to the crossing of a street, had a +moment--I won't say of hesitation, but of startled pause, before this +commonplace affair. The best way I can explain it to you is by saying +that, for a second or two, I felt as though, instead of going to the +center of a continent, I were about to set off for the center of the +earth. + +"I left in a French steamer, and she called in every blamed port they +have out there, for, as far as I could see, the sole purpose of landing +soldiers and custom-house officers. I watched the coast. Watching a +coast as it slips by the ship is like thinking about an enigma. There +it is before you--smiling, frowning, inviting, grand, mean, insipid, or +savage, and always mute with an air of whispering, 'Come and find out.' +This one was almost featureless, as if still in the making, with +an aspect of monotonous grimness. The edge of a colossal jungle, so +dark-green as to be almost black, fringed with white surf, ran straight, +like a ruled line, far, far away along a blue sea whose glitter was +blurred by a creeping mist. The sun was fierce, the land seemed to +glisten and drip with steam. Here and there grayish-whitish specks +showed up, clustered inside the white surf, with a flag flying above +them perhaps. Settlements some centuries old, and still no bigger than +pin-heads on the untouched expanse of their background. We pounded +along, stopped, landed soldiers; went on, landed custom-house clerks to +levy toll in what looked like a God-forsaken wilderness, with a tin shed +and a flag-pole lost in it; landed more soldiers--to take care of the +custom-house clerks, presumably. Some, I heard, got drowned in the surf; +but whether they did or not, nobody seemed particularly to care. They +were just flung out there, and on we went. Every day the coast +looked the same, as though we had not moved; but we passed various +places--trading places--with names like Gran' Bassam Little Popo, names +that seemed to belong to some sordid farce acted in front of a sinister +backcloth. The idleness of a passenger, my isolation amongst all these +men with whom I had no point of contact, the oily and languid sea, the +uniform somberness of the coast, seemed to keep me away from the truth +of things, within the toil of a mournful and senseless delusion. The +voice of the surf heard now and then was a positive pleasure, like the +speech of a brother. It was something natural, that had its reason, that +had a meaning. Now and then a boat from the shore gave one a momentary +contact with reality. It was paddled by black fellows. You could see +from afar the white of their eyeballs glistening. They shouted, sang; +their bodies streamed with perspiration; they had faces like grotesque +masks--these chaps; but they had bone, muscle, a wild vitality, an +intense energy of movement, that was as natural and true as the surf +along their coast. They wanted no excuse for being there. They were a +great comfort to look at. For a time I would feel I belonged still to +a world of straightforward facts; but the feeling would not last long. +Something would turn up to scare it away. Once, I remember, we came upon +a man-of-war anchored off the coast. There wasn't even a shed there, and +she was shelling the bush. It appears the French had one of their wars +going on thereabouts. Her ensign dropped limp like a rag; the muzzles +of the long eight-inch guns stuck out all over the low hull; the greasy, +slimy swell swung her up lazily and let her down, swaying her thin +masts. In the empty immensity of earth, sky, and water, there she was, +incomprehensible, firing into a continent. Pop, would go one of the +eight-inch guns; a small flame would dart and vanish, a little +white smoke would disappear, a tiny projectile would give a feeble +screech--and nothing happened. Nothing could happen. There was a touch +of insanity in the proceeding, a sense of lugubrious drollery in the +sight; and it was not dissipated by somebody on board assuring me +earnestly there was a camp of natives--he called them enemies!--hidden +out of sight somewhere. + +"We gave her her letters (I heard the men in that lonely ship were dying +of fever at the rate of three a day) and went on. We called at some more +places with farcical names, where the merry dance of death and trade +goes on in a still and earthy atmosphere as of an overheated catacomb; +all along the formless coast bordered by dangerous surf, as if Nature +herself had tried to ward off intruders; in and out of rivers, streams +of death in life, whose banks were rotting into mud, whose waters, +thickened into slime, invaded the contorted mangroves, that seemed to +writhe at us in the extremity of an impotent despair. Nowhere did we +stop long enough to get a particularized impression, but the general +sense of vague and oppressive wonder grew upon me. It was like a weary +pilgrimage amongst hints for nightmares. + +"It was upward of thirty days before I saw the mouth of the big river. +We anchored off the seat of the government. But my work would not begin +till some two hundred miles farther on. So as soon as I could I made a +start for a place thirty miles higher up. + +"I had my passage on a little sea-going steamer. Her captain was a +Swede, and knowing me for a seaman, invited me on the bridge. He was a +young man, lean, fair, and morose, with lanky hair and a shuffling gait. +As we left the miserable little wharf, he tossed his head contemptuously +at the shore. 'Been living there?' he asked. I said, 'Yes.' 'Fine lot +these government chaps--are they not?' he went on, speaking English +with great precision and considerable bitterness. 'It is funny what some +people will do for a few francs a month. I wonder what becomes of that +kind when it goes up country?' I said to him I expected to see that +soon. 'So-o-o!' he exclaimed. He shuffled athwart, keeping one eye ahead +vigilantly. 'Don't be too sure,' he continued. 'The other day I took +up a man who hanged himself on the road. He was a Swede, too.' +'Hanged himself! Why, in God's name?' I cried. He kept on looking +out watchfully. 'Who knows? The sun too much for him, or the country +perhaps.' + +"At last we opened a reach. A rocky cliff appeared, mounds of turned-up +earth by the shore, houses on a hill, others, with iron roofs, amongst a +waste of excavations, or hanging to the declivity. A continuous noise of +the rapids above hovered over this scene of inhabited devastation. A +lot of people, mostly black and naked, moved about like ants. A jetty +projected into the river. A blinding sunlight drowned all this at times +in a sudden recrudescence of glare. 'There's your Company's station,' +said the Swede, pointing to three wooden barrack-like structures on the +rocky slope. 'I will send your things up. Four boxes did you say? So. +Farewell.' + +"I came upon a boiler wallowing in the grass, then found a path +leading up the hill. It turned aside for the bowlders, and also for an +undersized railway-truck lying there on its back with its wheels in +the air. One was off. The thing looked as dead as the carcass of some +animal. I came upon more pieces of decaying machinery, a stack of rusty +rails. To the left a clump of trees made a shady spot, where dark things +seemed to stir feebly. I blinked, the path was steep. A horn tooted to +the right, and I saw the black people run. A heavy and dull detonation +shook the ground, a puff of smoke came out of the cliff, and that was +all. No change appeared on the face of the rock. They were building a +railway. The cliff was not in the way or anything; but this objectless +blasting was all the work going on. + +"A slight clinking behind me made me turn my head. Six black men +advanced in a file, toiling up the path. They walked erect and slow, +balancing small baskets full of earth on their heads, and the clink kept +time with their footsteps. Black rags were wound round their loins, and +the short ends behind wagged to and fro like tails. I could see every +rib, the joints of their limbs were like knots in a rope; each had an +iron collar on his neck, and all were connected together with a chain +whose bights swung between them, rhythmically clinking. Another report +from the cliff made me think suddenly of that ship of war I had seen +firing into a continent. It was the same kind of ominous voice; but +these men could by no stretch of imagination be called enemies. They +were called criminals, and the outraged law, like the bursting shells, +had come to them, an insoluble mystery from over the sea. All their +meager breasts panted together, the violently dilated nostrils quivered, +the eyes stared stonily uphill. They passed me within six inches, +without a glance, with that complete, deathlike indifference of unhappy +savages. Behind this raw matter one of the reclaimed, the product of +the new forces at work, strolled despondently, carrying a rifle by its +middle. He had a uniform jacket with one button off, and seeing a white +man on the path, hoisted his weapon to his shoulder with alacrity. This +was simple prudence, white men being so much alike at a distance that +he could not tell who I might be. He was speedily reassured, and with a +large, white, rascally grin, and a glance at his charge, seemed to take +me into partnership in his exalted trust. After all, I also was a part +of the great cause of these high and just proceedings. + +"Instead of going up, I turned and descended to the left. My idea was to +let that chain-gang get out of sight before I climbed the hill. You know +I am not particularly tender; I've had to strike and to fend off. +I've had to resist and to attack sometimes--that's only one way of +resisting--without counting the exact cost, according to the demands +of such sort of life as I had blundered into. I've seen the devil of +violence, and the devil of greed, and the devil of hot desire; but, by +all the stars! these were strong, lusty, red-eyed devils, that swayed +and drove men--men, I tell you. But as I stood on this hillside, I +foresaw that in the blinding sunshine of that land I would become +acquainted with a flabby, pretending, weak-eyed devil of a rapacious and +pitiless folly. How insidious he could be, too, I was only to find out +several months later and a thousand miles farther. For a moment I +stood appalled, as though by a warning. Finally I descended the hill, +obliquely, towards the trees I had seen. + +"I avoided a vast artificial hole somebody had been digging on the +slope, the purpose of which I found it impossible to divine. It wasn't +a quarry or a sandpit, anyhow. It was just a hole. It might have +been connected with the philanthropic desire of giving the criminals +something to do. I don't know. Then I nearly fell into a very narrow +ravine, almost no more than a scar in the hillside. I discovered that +a lot of imported drainage-pipes for the settlement had been tumbled in +there. There wasn't one that was not broken. It was a wanton smash-up. +At last I got under the trees. My purpose was to stroll into the shade +for a moment; but no sooner within than it seemed to me I had stepped +into a gloomy circle of some Inferno. The rapids were near, and an +uninterrupted, uniform, headlong, rushing noise filled the mournful +stillness of the grove, where not a breath stirred, not a leaf moved, +with a mysterious sound--as though the tearing pace of the launched +earth had suddenly become audible. + +"Black shapes crouched, lay, sat between the trees, leaning against the +trunks, clinging to the earth, half coming out, half effaced within +the dim light, in all the attitudes of pain, abandonment, and despair. +Another mine on the cliff went off, followed by a slight shudder of the +soil under my feet. The work was going on. The work! And this was the +place where some of the helpers had withdrawn to die. + +"They were dying slowly--it was very clear. They were not enemies, they +were not criminals, they were nothing earthly now,--nothing but black +shadows of disease and starvation, lying confusedly in the greenish +gloom. Brought from all the recesses of the coast in all the legality +of time contracts, lost in uncongenial surroundings, fed on unfamiliar +food, they sickened, became inefficient, and were then allowed to crawl +away and rest. These moribund shapes were free as air--and nearly as +thin. I began to distinguish the gleam of eyes under the trees. Then, +glancing down, I saw a face near my hand. The black bones reclined at +full length with one shoulder against the tree, and slowly the eyelids +rose and the sunken eyes looked up at me, enormous and vacant, a kind of +blind, white flicker in the depths of the orbs, which died out slowly. +The man seemed young--almost a boy--but you know with them it's hard to +tell. I found nothing else to do but to offer him one of my good Swede's +ship's biscuits I had in my pocket. The fingers closed slowly on it and +held--there was no other movement and no other glance. He had tied a +bit of white worsted round his neck--Why? Where did he get it? Was it a +badge--an ornament--a charm--a propitiatory act? Was there any idea at +all connected with it? It looked startling round his black neck, this +bit of white thread from beyond the seas. + +"Near the same tree two more bundles of acute angles sat with their legs +drawn up. One, with his chin propped on his knees, stared at nothing, +in an intolerable and appalling manner: his brother phantom rested its +forehead, as if overcome with a great weariness; and all about others +were scattered in every pose of contorted collapse, as in some picture +of a massacre or a pestilence. While I stood horror-struck, one of these +creatures rose to his hands and knees, and went off on all-fours towards +the river to drink. He lapped out of his hand, then sat up in the +sunlight, crossing his shins in front of him, and after a time let his +woolly head fall on his breastbone. + +"I didn't want any more loitering in the shade, and I made haste towards +the station. When near the buildings I met a white man, in such an +unexpected elegance of get-up that in the first moment I took him for +a sort of vision. I saw a high starched collar, white cuffs, a light +alpaca jacket, snowy trousers, a clear necktie, and varnished boots. No +hat. Hair parted, brushed, oiled, under a green-lined parasol held in a +big white hand. He was amazing, and had a penholder behind his ear. + +"I shook hands with this miracle, and I learned he was the Company's +chief accountant, and that all the bookkeeping was done at this station. +He had come out for a moment, he said, 'to get a breath of fresh air.' +The expression sounded wonderfully odd, with its suggestion of sedentary +desk-life. I wouldn't have mentioned the fellow to you at all, only +it was from his lips that I first heard the name of the man who is +so indissolubly connected with the memories of that time. Moreover, I +respected the fellow. Yes; I respected his collars, his vast cuffs, +his brushed hair. His appearance was certainly that of a hairdresser's +dummy; but in the great demoralization of the land he kept up +his appearance. That's backbone. His starched collars and got-up +shirt-fronts were achievements of character. He had been out nearly +three years; and, later on, I could not help asking him how he managed +to sport such linen. He had just the faintest blush, and said modestly, +'I've been teaching one of the native women about the station. It +was difficult. She had a distaste for the work.' This man had verily +accomplished something. And he was devoted to his books, which were in +apple-pie order. + +"Everything else in the station was in a muddle,--heads, things, +buildings. Strings of dusty niggers with splay feet arrived and +departed; a stream of manufactured goods, rubbishy cottons, beads, +and brass-wire sent into the depths of darkness, and in return came a +precious trickle of ivory. + +"I had to wait in the station for ten days--an eternity. I lived in a +hut in the yard, but to be out of the chaos I would sometimes get into +the accountant's office. It was built of horizontal planks, and so badly +put together that, as he bent over his high desk, he was barred from +neck to heels with narrow strips of sunlight. There was no need to +open the big shutter to see. It was hot there too; big flies buzzed +fiendishly, and did not sting, but stabbed. I sat generally on the +floor, while, of faultless appearance (and even slightly scented), +perching on a high stool, he wrote, he wrote. Sometimes he stood up for +exercise. When a truckle-bed with a sick man (some invalided agent from +up-country) was put in there, he exhibited a gentle annoyance. 'The +groans of this sick person,' he said, 'distract my attention. And without +that it is extremely difficult to guard against clerical errors in this +climate.' + +"One day he remarked, without lifting his head, 'In the interior you +will no doubt meet Mr. Kurtz.' On my asking who Mr. Kurtz was, he +said he was a first-class agent; and seeing my disappointment at +this information, he added slowly, laying down his pen, 'He is a very +remarkable person.' Further questions elicited from him that Mr. Kurtz +was at present in charge of a trading post, a very important one, in the +true ivory-country, at 'the very bottom of there. Sends in as much ivory +as all the others put together. . . .' He began to write again. The sick +man was too ill to groan. The flies buzzed in a great peace. + +"Suddenly there was a growing murmur of voices and a great tramping of +feet. A caravan had come in. A violent babble of uncouth sounds burst +out on the other side of the planks. All the carriers were speaking +together, and in the midst of the uproar the lamentable voice of the +chief agent was heard 'giving it up' tearfully for the twentieth time +that day. . . . He rose slowly. 'What a frightful row,' he said. He +crossed the room gently to look at the sick man, and returning, said to +me, 'He does not hear.' 'What! Dead?' I asked, startled. 'No, not yet,' +he answered, with great composure. Then, alluding with a toss of the +head to the tumult in the station-yard, 'When one has got to make +correct entries, one comes to hate those savages--hate them to the +death.' He remained thoughtful for a moment. 'When you see Mr. Kurtz,' +he went on, 'tell him from me that everything here'--he glanced at the +desk--'is very satisfactory. I don't like to write to him--with those +messengers of ours you never know who may get hold of your letter--at +that Central Station.' He stared at me for a moment with his mild, +bulging eyes. 'Oh, he will go far, very far,' he began again. 'He +will be a somebody in the Administration before long. They, above--the +Council in Europe, you know--mean him to be.' + +"He turned to his work. The noise outside had ceased, and presently +in going out I stopped at the door. In the steady buzz of flies the +homeward-bound agent was lying flushed and insensible; the other, +bent over his books, was making correct entries of perfectly correct +transactions; and fifty feet below the doorstep I could see the still +tree-tops of the grove of death. + +"Next day I left that station at last, with a caravan of sixty men, for +a two-hundred-mile tramp. + +"No use telling you much about that. Paths, paths, everywhere; a +stamped-in network of paths spreading over the empty land, through +long grass, through burnt grass, through thickets, down and up chilly +ravines, up and down stony hills ablaze with heat; and a solitude, a +solitude, nobody, not a hut. The population had cleared out a long +time ago. Well, if a lot of mysterious niggers armed with all kinds of +fearful weapons suddenly took to traveling on the road between Deal and +Gravesend, catching the yokels right and left to carry heavy loads for +them, I fancy every farm and cottage thereabouts would get empty very +soon. Only here the dwellings were gone too. Still I passed through +several abandoned villages. There's something pathetically childish in +the ruins of grass walls. Day after day, with the stamp and shuffle of +sixty pair of bare feet behind me, each pair under a 60-lb. load. Camp, +cook, sleep, strike camp, march. Now and then a carrier dead in harness, +at rest in the long grass near the path, with an empty water-gourd and +his long staff lying by his side. A great silence around and above. +Perhaps on some quiet night the tremor of far-off drums, sinking, +swelling, a tremor vast, faint; a sound weird, appealing, suggestive, +and wild--and perhaps with as profound a meaning as the sound of bells +in a Christian country. Once a white man in an unbuttoned uniform, +camping on the path with an armed escort of lank Zanzibaris, very +hospitable and festive--not to say drunk. Was looking after the upkeep +of the road, he declared. Can't say I saw any road or any upkeep, unless +the body of a middle-aged negro, with a bullet-hole in the forehead, +upon which I absolutely stumbled three miles farther on, may be +considered as a permanent improvement. I had a white companion too, not +a bad chap, but rather too fleshy and with the exasperating habit of +fainting on the hot hillsides, miles away from the least bit of shade +and water. Annoying, you know, to hold your own coat like a parasol over +a man's head while he is coming-to. I couldn't help asking him once what +he meant by coming there at all. 'To make money, of course. What do you +think?' he said, scornfully. Then he got fever, and had to be carried in +a hammock slung under a pole. As he weighed sixteen stone I had no end +of rows with the carriers. They jibbed, ran away, sneaked off with their +loads in the night--quite a mutiny. So, one evening, I made a speech in +English with gestures, not one of which was lost to the sixty pairs of +eyes before me, and the next morning I started the hammock off in front +all right. An hour afterwards I came upon the whole concern wrecked in +a bush--man, hammock, groans, blankets, horrors. The heavy pole had +skinned his poor nose. He was very anxious for me to kill somebody, +but there wasn't the shadow of a carrier near. I remembered the old +doctor,--'It would be interesting for science to watch the mental +changes of individuals, on the spot.' I felt I was becoming +scientifically interesting. However, all that is to no purpose. On the +fifteenth day I came in sight of the big river again, and hobbled into +the Central Station. It was on a back water surrounded by scrub and +forest, with a pretty border of smelly mud on one side, and on the three +others inclosed by a crazy fence of rushes. A neglected gap was all the +gate it had, and the first glance at the place was enough to let you see +the flabby devil was running that show. White men with long staves in +their hands appeared languidly from amongst the buildings, strolling up +to take a look at me, and then retired out of sight somewhere. One of +them, a stout, excitable chap with black mustaches, informed me with +great volubility and many digressions, as soon as I told him who I was, +that my steamer was at the bottom of the river. I was thunderstruck. +What, how, why? Oh, it was 'all right.' The 'manager himself' was there. +All quite correct. 'Everybody had behaved splendidly! splendidly!'--'you +must,' he said in agitation, 'go and see the general manager at once. He +is waiting!' + +"I did not see the real significance of that wreck at once. I fancy I +see it now, but I am not sure--not at all. Certainly the affair was too +stupid--when I think of it--to be altogether natural. Still. . . . But +at the moment it presented itself simply as a confounded nuisance. The +steamer was sunk. They had started two days before in a sudden hurry +up the river with the manager on board, in charge of some volunteer +skipper, and before they had been out three hours they tore the bottom +out of her on stones, and she sank near the south bank. I asked myself +what I was to do there, now my boat was lost. As a matter of fact, I had +plenty to do in fishing my command out of the river. I had to set about +it the very next day. That, and the repairs when I brought the pieces to +the station, took some months. + +"My first interview with the manager was curious. He did not ask me to +sit down after my twenty-mile walk that morning. He was commonplace in +complexion, in features, in manners, and in voice. He was of middle +size and of ordinary build. His eyes, of the usual blue, were perhaps +remarkably cold, and he certainly could make his glance fall on one as +trenchant and heavy as an ax. But even at these times the rest of his +person seemed to disclaim the intention. Otherwise there was only +an indefinable, faint expression of his lips, something stealthy--a +smile--not a smile--I remember it, but I can't explain. It was +unconscious, this smile was, though just after he had said something it +got intensified for an instant. It came at the end of his speeches like +a seal applied on the words to make the meaning of the commonest phrase +appear absolutely inscrutable. He was a common trader, from his youth +up employed in these parts--nothing more. He was obeyed, yet he inspired +neither love nor fear, nor even respect. He inspired uneasiness. That +was it! Uneasiness. Not a definite mistrust--just uneasiness--nothing +more. You have no idea how effective such a . . . a . . . faculty can +be. He had no genius for organizing, for initiative, or for order even. +That was evident in such things as the deplorable state of the station. +He had no learning, and no intelligence. His position had come to +him--why? Perhaps because he was never ill . . . He had served three +terms of three years out there . . . Because triumphant health in the +general rout of constitutions is a kind of power in itself. When he went +home on leave he rioted on a large scale--pompously. Jack ashore--with +a difference--in externals only. This one could gather from his casual +talk. He originated nothing, he could keep the routine going--that's +all. But he was great. He was great by this little thing that it was +impossible to tell what could control such a man. He never gave that +secret away. Perhaps there was nothing within him. Such a suspicion +made one pause--for out there there were no external checks. Once when +various tropical diseases had laid low almost every 'agent' in the +station, he was heard to say, 'Men who come out here should have no +entrails.' He sealed the utterance with that smile of his, as though +it had been a door opening into a darkness he had in his keeping. +You fancied you had seen things--but the seal was on. When annoyed at +meal-times by the constant quarrels of the white men about precedence, +he ordered an immense round table to be made, for which a special house +had to be built. This was the station's mess-room. Where he sat was the +first place--the rest were nowhere. One felt this to be his unalterable +conviction. He was neither civil nor uncivil. He was quiet. He allowed +his 'boy'--an overfed young negro from the coast--to treat the white +men, under his very eyes, with provoking insolence. + +"He began to speak as soon as he saw me. I had been very long on the +road. He could not wait. Had to start without me. The up-river stations +had to be relieved. There had been so many delays already that he did +not know who was dead and who was alive, and how they got on--and so on, +and so on. He paid no attention to my explanations, and, playing with +a stick of sealing-wax, repeated several times that the situation +was 'very grave, very grave.' There were rumors that a very important +station was in jeopardy, and its chief, Mr. Kurtz, was ill. Hoped it was +not true. Mr. Kurtz was . . . I felt weary and irritable. Hang Kurtz, +I thought. I interrupted him by saying I had heard of Mr. Kurtz on the +coast. 'Ah! So they talk of him down there,' he murmured to himself. +Then he began again, assuring me Mr. Kurtz was the best agent he had, an +exceptional man, of the greatest importance to the Company; therefore +I could understand his anxiety. He was, he said, 'very, very uneasy.' +Certainly he fidgeted on his chair a good deal, exclaimed, 'Ah, Mr. +Kurtz!' broke the stick of sealing-wax and seemed dumbfounded by the +accident. Next thing he wanted to know 'how long it would take to' . . . +I interrupted him again. Being hungry, you know, and kept on my feet +too, I was getting savage. 'How could I tell,' I said. 'I hadn't even +seen the wreck yet--some months, no doubt.' All this talk seemed to me +so futile. 'Some months,' he said. 'Well, let us say three months before +we can make a start. Yes. That ought to do the affair.' I flung out +of his hut (he lived all alone in a clay hut with a sort of veranda) +muttering to myself my opinion of him. He was a chattering idiot. +Afterwards I took it back when it was borne in upon me startlingly +with what extreme nicety he had estimated the time requisite for the +'affair.' + +"I went to work the next day, turning, so to speak, my back on that +station. In that way only it seemed to me I could keep my hold on the +redeeming facts of life. Still, one must look about sometimes; and then +I saw this station, these men strolling aimlessly about in the sunshine +of the yard. I asked myself sometimes what it all meant. They wandered +here and there with their absurd long staves in their hands, like a lot +of faithless pilgrims bewitched inside a rotten fence. The word 'ivory' +rang in the air, was whispered, was sighed. You would think they were +praying to it. A taint of imbecile rapacity blew through it all, like a +whiff from some corpse. By Jove! I've never seen anything so unreal in +my life. And outside, the silent wilderness surrounding this cleared +speck on the earth struck me as something great and invincible, like +evil or truth, waiting patiently for the passing away of this fantastic +invasion. + +"Oh, these months! Well, never mind. Various things happened. One +evening a grass shed full of calico, cotton prints, beads, and I don't +know what else, burst into a blaze so suddenly that you would have +thought the earth had opened to let an avenging fire consume all that +trash. I was smoking my pipe quietly by my dismantled steamer, and saw +them all cutting capers in the light, with their arms lifted high, when +the stout man with mustaches came tearing down to the river, a tin +pail in his hand, assured me that everybody was 'behaving splendidly, +splendidly,' dipped about a quart of water and tore back again. I +noticed there was a hole in the bottom of his pail. + +"I strolled up. There was no hurry. You see the thing had gone off like +a box of matches. It had been hopeless from the very first. The flame +had leaped high, driven everybody back, lighted up everything--and +collapsed. The shed was already a heap of embers glowing fiercely. A +nigger was being beaten near by. They said he had caused the fire in +some way; be that as it may, he was screeching most horribly. I saw him, +later on, for several days, sitting in a bit of shade looking very sick +and trying to recover himself: afterwards he arose and went out--and +the wilderness without a sound took him into its bosom again. As I +approached the glow from the dark I found myself at the back of two men, +talking. I heard the name of Kurtz pronounced, then the words, 'take +advantage of this unfortunate accident.' One of the men was the manager. +I wished him a good evening. 'Did you ever see anything like it--eh? it +is incredible,' he said, and walked off. The other man remained. He was +a first-class agent, young, gentlemanly, a bit reserved, with a forked +little beard and a hooked nose. He was stand-offish with the other +agents, and they on their side said he was the manager's spy upon them. +As to me, I had hardly ever spoken to him before. We got into talk, and +by-and-by we strolled away from the hissing ruins. Then he asked me to +his room, which was in the main building of the station. He struck +a match, and I perceived that this young aristocrat had not only a +silver-mounted dressing-case but also a whole candle all to himself. +Just at that time the manager was the only man supposed to have any +right to candles. Native mats covered the clay walls; a collection of +spears, assegais, shields, knives was hung up in trophies. The business +intrusted to this fellow was the making of bricks--so I had been +informed; but there wasn't a fragment of a brick anywhere in the +station, and he had been there more than a year--waiting. It seems he +could not make bricks without something, I don't know what--straw maybe. +Anyways, it could not be found there, and as it was not likely to be +sent from Europe, it did not appear clear to me what he was waiting for. +An act of special creation perhaps. However, they were all waiting--all +the sixteen or twenty pilgrims of them--for something; and upon my word +it did not seem an uncongenial occupation, from the way they took it, +though the only thing that ever came to them was disease--as far as I +could see. They beguiled the time by backbiting and intriguing against +each other in a foolish kind of way. There was an air of plotting about +that station, but nothing came of it, of course. It was as unreal as +everything else--as the philanthropic pretense of the whole concern, as +their talk, as their government, as their show of work. The only real +feeling was a desire to get appointed to a trading-post where ivory +was to be had, so that they could earn percentages. They intrigued +and slandered and hated each other only on that account,--but as to +effectually lifting a little finger--oh, no. By heavens! there is +something after all in the world allowing one man to steal a horse while +another must not look at a halter. Steal a horse straight out. Very +well. He has done it. Perhaps he can ride. But there is a way of looking +at a halter that would provoke the most charitable of saints into a +kick. + +"I had no idea why he wanted to be sociable, but as we chatted in there +it suddenly occurred to me the fellow was trying to get at something--in +fact, pumping me. He alluded constantly to Europe, to the people I was +supposed to know there--putting leading questions as to my acquaintances +in the sepulchral city, and so on. His little eyes glittered like +mica discs--with curiosity,--though he tried to keep up a bit of +superciliousness. At first I was astonished, but very soon I became +awfully curious to see what he would find out from me. I couldn't +possibly imagine what I had in me to make it worth his while. It was +very pretty to see how he baffled himself, for in truth my body was full +of chills, and my head had nothing in it but that wretched steamboat +business. It was evident he took me for a perfectly shameless +prevaricator. At last he got angry, and to conceal a movement of furious +annoyance, he yawned. I rose. Then I noticed a small sketch in oils, +on a panel, representing a woman, draped and blindfolded, carrying a +lighted torch. The background was somber--almost black. The movement of +the woman was stately, and the effect of the torchlight on the face was +sinister. + +"It arrested me, and he stood by civilly, holding a half-pint champagne +bottle (medical comforts) with the candle stuck in it. To my question he +said Mr. Kurtz had painted this--in this very station more than a year +ago--while waiting for means to go to his trading-post. 'Tell me, pray,' +said I, 'who is this Mr. Kurtz?' + +"'The chief of the Inner Station,' he answered in a short tone, looking +away. 'Much obliged,' I said, laughing. 'And you are the brickmaker of +the Central Station. Everyone knows that.' He was silent for a while. +'He is a prodigy,' he said at last. 'He is an emissary of pity, and +science, and progress, and devil knows what else. We want,' he began +to declaim suddenly, 'for the guidance of the cause intrusted to us by +Europe, so to speak, higher intelligence, wide sympathies, a singleness +of purpose.' 'Who says that?' I asked. 'Lots of them,' he replied. 'Some +even write that; and so _he_ comes here, a special being, as you ought +to know.' 'Why ought I to know?' I interrupted, really surprised. He +paid no attention. 'Yes. To-day he is chief of the best station, next +year he will be assistant-manager, two years more and . . . but I dare +say you know what he will be in two years' time. You are of the new +gang--the gang of virtue. The same people who sent him specially also +recommended you. Oh, don't say no. I've my own eyes to trust.' Light +dawned upon me. My dear aunt's influential acquaintances were producing +an unexpected effect upon that young man. I nearly burst into a laugh. +'Do you read the Company's confidential correspondence?' I asked. He +hadn't a word to say. It was great fun. 'When Mr. Kurtz,' I continued +severely, 'is General Manager, you won't have the opportunity.' + +"He blew the candle out suddenly, and we went outside. The moon had +risen. Black figures strolled about listlessly, pouring water on +the glow, whence proceeded a sound of hissing; steam ascended in the +moonlight, the beaten nigger groaned somewhere. 'What a row the brute +makes!' said the indefatigable man with the mustaches, appearing +near us. 'Serve him right. Transgression--punishment--bang! Pitiless, +pitiless. That's the only way. This will prevent all conflagrations +for the future. I was just telling the manager . . .' He noticed my +companion, and became crestfallen all at once. 'Not in bed yet,' +he said, with a kind of servile heartiness; 'it's so natural. Ha! +Danger--agitation.' He vanished. I went on to the river-side, and +the other followed me. I heard a scathing murmur at my ear, 'Heap +of muffs--go to.' The pilgrims could be seen in knots gesticulating, +discussing. Several had still their staves in their hands. I verily +believe they took these sticks to bed with them. Beyond the fence the +forest stood up spectrally in the moonlight, and through the dim stir, +through the faint sounds of that lamentable courtyard, the silence of +the land went home to one's very heart,--its mystery, its greatness, +the amazing reality of its concealed life. The hurt nigger moaned feebly +somewhere near by, and then fetched a deep sigh that made me mend my +pace away from there. I felt a hand introducing itself under my arm. +'My dear sir,' said the fellow, 'I don't want to be misunderstood, and +especially by you, who will see Mr. Kurtz long before I can have that +pleasure. I wouldn't like him to get a false idea of my +disposition. . . .' + + +"I let him run on, this _papier-mache_ Mephistopheles, and it seemed to +me that if I tried I could poke my forefinger through him, and would find +nothing inside but a little loose dirt, maybe. He, don't you see, had +been planning to be assistant-manager by-and-by under the present man, +and I could see that the coming of that Kurtz had upset them both not a +little. He talked precipitately, and I did not try to stop him. I had my +shoulders against the wreck of my steamer, hauled up on the slope like a +carcass of some big river animal. The smell of mud, of primeval mud, +by Jove! was in my nostrils, the high stillness of primeval forest was +before my eyes; there were shiny patches on the black creek. The moon +had spread over everything a thin layer of silver--over the rank grass, +over the mud, upon the wall of matted vegetation standing higher than +the wall of a temple, over the great river I could see through a somber +gap glittering, glittering, as it flowed broadly by without a murmur. +All this was great, expectant, mute, while the man jabbered about +himself. I wondered whether the stillness on the face of the immensity +looking at us two were meant as an appeal or as a menace. What were we +who had strayed in here? Could we handle that dumb thing, or would it +handle us? I felt how big, how confoundedly big, was that thing that +couldn't talk, and perhaps was deaf as well. What was in there? I could +see a little ivory coming out from there, and I had heard Mr. Kurtz was +in there. I had heard enough about it too--God knows! Yet somehow it +didn't bring any image with it--no more than if I had been told an angel +or a fiend was in there. I believed it in the same way one of you might +believe there are inhabitants in the planet Mars. I knew once a Scotch +sailmaker who was certain, dead sure, there were people in Mars. If you +asked him for some idea how they looked and behaved, he would get shy +and mutter something about 'walking on all-fours.' If you as much as +smiled, he would--though a man of sixty--offer to fight you. I would not +have gone so far as to fight for Kurtz, but I went for him near enough +to a lie. You know I hate, detest, and can't bear a lie, not because +I am straighter than the rest of us, but simply because it appalls me. +There is a taint of death, a flavor of mortality in lies,--which is +exactly what I hate and detest in the world--what I want to forget. +It makes me miserable and sick, like biting something rotten would do. +Temperament, I suppose. Well, I went near enough to it by letting the +young fool there believe anything he liked to imagine as to my influence +in Europe. I became in an instant as much of a pretense as the rest of +the bewitched pilgrims. This simply because I had a notion it somehow +would be of help to that Kurtz whom at the time I did not see--you +understand. He was just a word for me. I did not see the man in the name +any more than you do. Do you see him? Do you see the story? Do you see +anything? It seems to me I am trying to tell you a dream--making a vain +attempt, because no relation of a dream can convey the dream-sensation, +that commingling of absurdity, surprise, and bewilderment in a tremor of +struggling revolt, that notion of being captured by the incredible which +is of the very essence of dreams. . . ." + +He was silent for a while. + +". . . No, it is impossible; it is impossible to convey the +life-sensation of any given epoch of one's existence,--that which +makes its truth, its meaning--its subtle and penetrating essence. It is +impossible. We live, as we dream--alone. . . ." + +He paused again as if reflecting, then added--"Of course in this you +fellows see more than I could then. You see me, whom you know. . . ." + +It had become so pitch dark that we listeners could hardly see one +another. For a long time already he, sitting apart, had been no more +to us than a voice. There was not a word from anybody. The others might +have been asleep, but I was awake. I listened, I listened on the watch +for the sentence, for the word, that would give me the clew to the +faint uneasiness inspired by this narrative that seemed to shape itself +without human lips in the heavy night-air of the river. + +". . . Yes--I let him run on," Marlow began again, "and think what +he pleased about the powers that were behind me. I did! And there was +nothing behind me! There was nothing but that wretched, old, mangled +steamboat I was leaning against, while he talked fluently about 'the +necessity for every man to get on.' 'And when one comes out here, you +conceive, it is not to gaze at the moon.' Mr. Kurtz was a 'universal +genius,' but even a genius would find it easier to work with 'adequate +tools--intelligent men.' He did not make bricks--why, there was a +physical impossibility in the way--as I was well aware; and if he +did secretarial work for the manager, it was because 'no sensible man +rejects wantonly the confidence of his superiors.' Did I see it? I saw +it. What more did I want? What I really wanted was rivets, by heaven! +Rivets. To get on with the work--to stop the hole. Rivets I +wanted. There were cases of them down at the coast--cases--piled +up--burst--split! You kicked a loose rivet at every second step in that +station yard on the hillside. Rivets had rolled into the grove of death. +You could fill your pockets with rivets for the trouble of stooping +down--and there wasn't one rivet to be found where it was wanted. We had +plates that would do, but nothing to fasten them with. And every week +the messenger, a lone negro, letter-bag on shoulder and staff in hand, +left our station for the coast. And several times a week a coast caravan +came in with trade goods,--ghastly glazed calico that made you shudder +only to look at it, glass beads value about a penny a quart, confounded +spotted cotton handkerchiefs. And no rivets. Three carriers could have +brought all that was wanted to set that steamboat afloat. + +"He was becoming confidential now, but I fancy my unresponsive attitude +must have exasperated him at last, for he judged it necessary to inform +me he feared neither God nor devil, let alone any mere man. I said I +could see that very well, but what I wanted was a certain quantity of +rivets--and rivets were what really Mr. Kurtz wanted, if he had only +known it. Now letters went to the coast every week. . . . 'My dear +sir,' he cried, 'I write from dictation.' I demanded rivets. There was +a way--for an intelligent man. He changed his manner; became very +cold, and suddenly began to talk about a hippopotamus; wondered whether +sleeping on board the steamer (I stuck to my salvage night and day) +I wasn't disturbed. There was an old hippo that had the bad habit of +getting out on the bank and roaming at night over the station grounds. +The pilgrims used to turn out in a body and empty every rifle they could +lay hands on at him. Some even had sat up o' nights for him. All this +energy was wasted, though. 'That animal has a charmed life,' he said; +'but you can say this only of brutes in this country. No man--you +apprehend me?--no man here bears a charmed life.' He stood there for +a moment in the moonlight with his delicate hooked nose set a little +askew, and his mica eyes glittering without a wink, then, with a curt +Good night, he strode off. I could see he was disturbed and considerably +puzzled, which made me feel more hopeful than I had been for days. It +was a great comfort to turn from that chap to my influential friend, the +battered, twisted, ruined, tin-pot steamboat. I clambered on board. She +rang under my feet like an empty Huntley & Palmer biscuit-tin kicked +along a gutter; she was nothing so solid in make, and rather less pretty +in shape, but I had expended enough hard work on her to make me love +her. No influential friend would have served me better. She had given +me a chance to come out a bit--to find out what I could do. No, I don't +like work. I had rather laze about and think of all the fine things that +can be done. I don't like work--no man does--but I like what is in the +work,--the chance to find yourself. Your own reality--for yourself, not +for others--what no other man can ever know. They can only see the mere +show, and never can tell what it really means. + +"I was not surprised to see somebody sitting aft, on the deck, with +his legs dangling over the mud. You see I rather chummed with the few +mechanics there were in that station, whom the other pilgrims naturally +despised--on account of their imperfect manners, I suppose. This was the +foreman--a boiler-maker by trade--a good worker. He was a lank, bony, +yellow-faced man, with big intense eyes. His aspect was worried, and his +head was as bald as the palm of my hand; but his hair in falling seemed +to have stuck to his chin, and had prospered in the new locality, +for his beard hung down to his waist. He was a widower with six young +children (he had left them in charge of a sister of his to come out +there), and the passion of his life was pigeon-flying. He was an +enthusiast and a connoisseur. He would rave about pigeons. After work +hours he used sometimes to come over from his hut for a talk about his +children and his pigeons; at work, when he had to crawl in the mud under +the bottom of the steamboat, he would tie up that beard of his in a kind +of white serviette he brought for the purpose. It had loops to go over +his ears. In the evening he could be seen squatted on the bank rinsing +that wrapper in the creek with great care, then spreading it solemnly on +a bush to dry. + +"I slapped him on the back and shouted, 'We shall have rivets!' He +scrambled to his feet exclaiming 'No! Rivets!' as though he couldn't +believe his ears. Then in a low voice, 'You . . . eh?' I don't know why +we behaved like lunatics. I put my finger to the side of my nose and +nodded mysteriously. 'Good for you!' he cried, snapped his fingers above +his head, lifting one foot. I tried a jig. We capered on the iron deck. +A frightful clatter came out of that hulk, and the virgin forest on +the other bank of the creek sent it back in a thundering roll upon the +sleeping station. It must have made some of the pilgrims sit up in their +hovels. A dark figure obscured the lighted doorway of the manager's hut, +vanished, then, a second or so after, the doorway itself vanished too. +We stopped, and the silence driven away by the stamping of our feet +flowed back again from the recesses of the land. The great wall of +vegetation, an exuberant and entangled mass of trunks, branches, leaves, +boughs, festoons, motionless in the moonlight, was like a rioting +invasion of soundless life, a rolling wave of plants, piled up, crested, +ready to topple over the creek, to sweep every little man of us out +of his little existence. And it moved not. A deadened burst of mighty +splashes and snorts reached us from afar, as though an ichthyosaurus had +been taking a bath of glitter in the great river. 'After all,' said the +boiler-maker in a reasonable tone, 'why shouldn't we get the rivets?' +Why not, indeed! I did not know of any reason why we shouldn't. 'They'll +come in three weeks,' I said confidently. + +"But they didn't. Instead of rivets there came an invasion, an +infliction, a visitation. It came in sections during the next three +weeks, each section headed by a donkey carrying a white man in new +clothes and tan shoes, bowing from that elevation right and left to the +impressed pilgrims. A quarrelsome band of footsore sulky niggers trod on +the heels of the donkeys; a lot of tents, camp-stools, tin boxes, white +cases, brown bales would be shot down in the courtyard, and the air of +mystery would deepen a little over the muddle of the station. Five such +installments came, with their absurd air of disorderly flight with the +loot of innumerable outfit shops and provision stores, that, one +would think, they were lugging, after a raid, into the wilderness for +equitable division. It was an inextricable mess of things decent in +themselves but that human folly made look like the spoils of thieving. + +"This devoted band called itself the Eldorado Exploring Expedition, and +I believe they were sworn to secrecy. Their talk, however, was the talk +of sordid buccaneers: it was reckless without hardihood, greedy without +audacity, and cruel without courage; there was not an atom of foresight +or of serious intention in the whole batch of them, and they did not +seem aware these things are wanted for the work of the world. To tear +treasure out of the bowels of the land was their desire, with no more +moral purpose at the back of it than there is in burglars breaking into +a safe. Who paid the expenses of the noble enterprise I don't know; but +the uncle of our manager was leader of that lot. + +"In exterior he resembled a butcher in a poor neighborhood, and his eyes +had a look of sleepy cunning. He carried his fat paunch with ostentation +on his short legs, and during the time his gang infested the station +spoke to no one but his nephew. You could see these two roaming about +all day long with their heads close together in an everlasting confab. + +"I had given up worrying myself about the rivets. One's capacity for +that kind of folly is more limited than you would suppose. I said +Hang!--and let things slide. I had plenty of time for meditation, +and now and then I would give some thought to Kurtz. I wasn't very +interested in him. No. Still, I was curious to see whether this man, who +had come out equipped with moral ideas of some sort, would climb to the +top after all, and how he would set about his work when there." + + +II + + +"One evening as I was lying flat on the deck of my steamboat, I heard +voices approaching--and there were the nephew and the uncle strolling +along the bank. I laid my head on my arm again, and had nearly lost +myself in a doze, when somebody said in my ear, as it were: 'I am as +harmless as a little child, but I don't like to be dictated to. Am I the +manager--or am I not? I was ordered to send him there. It's incredible.' +. . . I became aware that the two were standing on the shore alongside +the forepart of the steamboat, just below my head. I did not move; it +did not occur to me to move: I was sleepy. 'It _is_ unpleasant,' grunted +the uncle. 'He has asked the Administration to be sent there,' said the +other, 'with the idea of showing what he could do; and I was instructed +accordingly. Look at the influence that man must have. Is it not +frightful?' They both agreed it was frightful, then made several bizarre +remarks: 'Make rain and fine weather--one man--the Council--by the +nose'--bits of absurd sentences that got the better of my drowsiness, +so that I had pretty near the whole of my wits about me when the uncle +said, 'The climate may do away with this difficulty for you. Is he alone +there?' 'Yes,' answered the manager; 'he sent his assistant down the +river with a note to me in these terms: "Clear this poor devil out of +the country, and don't bother sending more of that sort. I had rather be +alone than have the kind of men you can dispose of with me." It was more +than a year ago. Can you imagine such impudence!' 'Anything since +then?' asked the other, hoarsely. 'Ivory,' jerked the nephew; 'lots +of it--prime sort--lots--most annoying, from him.' 'And with that?' +questioned the heavy rumble. 'Invoice,' was the reply fired out, so to +speak. Then silence. They had been talking about Kurtz. + +"I was broad awake by this time, but, lying perfectly at ease, remained +still, having no inducement to change my position. 'How did that ivory +come all this way?' growled the elder man, who seemed very vexed. The +other explained that it had come with a fleet of canoes in charge of an +English half-caste clerk Kurtz had with him; that Kurtz had apparently +intended to return himself, the station being by that time bare of goods +and stores, but after coming three hundred miles, had suddenly decided +to go back, which he started to do alone in a small dug-out with four +paddlers, leaving the half-caste to continue down the river with the +ivory. The two fellows there seemed astounded at anybody attempting such +a thing. They were at a loss for an adequate motive. As to me, I seemed +to see Kurtz for the first time. It was a distinct glimpse: the dug-out, +four paddling savages, and the lone white man turning his back suddenly +on the headquarters, on relief, on thoughts of home--perhaps; setting +his face towards the depths of the wilderness, towards his empty and +desolate station. I did not know the motive. Perhaps he was just simply +a fine fellow who stuck to his work for its own sake. His name, you +understand, had not been pronounced once. He was 'that man.' The +half-caste, who, as far as I could see, had conducted a difficult +trip with great prudence and pluck, was invariably alluded to as 'that +scoundrel.' The 'scoundrel' had reported that the 'man' had been very +ill--had recovered imperfectly. . . . The two below me moved away then a +few paces, and strolled back and forth at some little distance. I heard: +'Military post--doctor--two hundred miles--quite alone now--unavoidable +delays--nine months--no news--strange rumors.' They approached again, +just as the manager was saying, 'No one, as far as I know, unless a +species of wandering trader--a pestilential fellow, snapping ivory from +the natives.' Who was it they were talking about now? I gathered in +snatches that this was some man supposed to be in Kurtz's district, and +of whom the manager did not approve. 'We will not be free from unfair +competition till one of these fellows is hanged for an example,' +he said. 'Certainly,' grunted the other; 'get him hanged! Why not? +Anything--anything can be done in this country. That's what I say; +nobody here, you understand, _here_, can endanger your position. And +why? You stand the climate--you outlast them all. The danger is in +Europe; but there before I left I took care to--' They moved off and +whispered, then their voices rose again. 'The extraordinary series of +delays is not my fault. I did my possible.' The fat man sighed, 'Very +sad.' 'And the pestiferous absurdity of his talk,' continued the other; +'he bothered me enough when he was here. "Each station should be like a +beacon on the road towards better things, a center for trade of course, +but also for humanizing, improving, instructing." Conceive you--that +ass! And he wants to be manager! No, it's--' Here he got choked by +excessive indignation, and I lifted my head the least bit. I was +surprised to see how near they were--right under me. I could have spat +upon their hats. They were looking on the ground, absorbed in thought. +The manager was switching his leg with a slender twig: his sagacious +relative lifted his head. 'You have been well since you came out this +time?' he asked. The other gave a start. 'Who? I? Oh! Like a charm--like +a charm. But the rest--oh, my goodness! All sick. They die so quick, +too, that I haven't the time to send them out of the country--it's +incredible!' 'H'm. Just so,' grunted the uncle. 'Ah! my boy, trust to +this--I say, trust to this.' I saw him extend his short flipper of +an arm for a gesture that took in the forest, the creek, the mud, the +river,--seemed to beckon with a dishonoring flourish before the sunlit +face of the land a treacherous appeal to the lurking death, to the +hidden evil, to the profound darkness of its heart. It was so startling +that I leaped to my feet and looked back at the edge of the forest, as +though I had expected an answer of some sort to that black display of +confidence. You know the foolish notions that come to one sometimes. The +high stillness confronted these two figures with its ominous patience, +waiting for the passing away of a fantastic invasion. + +"They swore aloud together--out of sheer fright, I believe--then +pretending not to know anything of my existence, turned back to the +station. The sun was low; and leaning forward side by side, they seemed +to be tugging painfully uphill their two ridiculous shadows of unequal +length, that trailed behind them slowly over the tall grass without +bending a single blade. + +"In a few days the Eldorado Expedition went into the patient wilderness, +that closed upon it as the sea closes over a diver. Long afterwards the +news came that all the donkeys were dead. I know nothing as to the fate +of the less valuable animals. They, no doubt, like the rest of us, found +what they deserved. I did not inquire. I was then rather excited at +the prospect of meeting Kurtz very soon. When I say very soon I mean +it comparatively. It was just two months from the day we left the creek +when we came to the bank below Kurtz's station. + +"Going up that river was like traveling back to the earliest beginnings +of the world, when vegetation rioted on the earth and the big trees were +kings. An empty stream, a great silence, an impenetrable forest. The air +was warm, thick, heavy, sluggish. There was no joy in the brilliance of +sunshine. The long stretches of the waterway ran on, deserted, into +the gloom of overshadowed distances. On silvery sandbanks hippos and +alligators sunned themselves side by side. The broadening waters flowed +through a mob of wooded islands; you lost your way on that river as you +would in a desert, and butted all day long against shoals, trying to +find the channel, till you thought yourself bewitched and cut off for +ever from everything you had known once--somewhere--far away--in another +existence perhaps. There were moments when one's past came back to one, +as it will sometimes when you have not a moment to spare to yourself; +but it came in the shape of an unrestful and noisy dream, remembered +with wonder amongst the overwhelming realities of this strange world of +plants, and water, and silence. And this stillness of life did not in +the least resemble a peace. It was the stillness of an implacable force +brooding over an inscrutable intention. It looked at you with a vengeful +aspect. I got used to it afterwards; I did not see it any more; I had no +time. I had to keep guessing at the channel; I had to discern, mostly by +inspiration, the signs of hidden banks; I watched for sunken stones; I +was learning to clap my teeth smartly before my heart flew out, when I +shaved by a fluke some infernal sly old snag that would have ripped the +life out of the tin-pot steamboat and drowned all the pilgrims; I had to +keep a look-out for the signs of dead wood we could cut up in the night +for next day's steaming. When you have to attend to things of that sort, +to the mere incidents of the surface, the reality--the reality, I tell +you--fades. The inner truth is hidden--luckily, luckily. But I felt it +all the same; I felt often its mysterious stillness watching me at +my monkey tricks, just as it watches you fellows performing on your +respective tight-ropes for--what is it? half-a-crown a tumble--" + +"Try to be civil, Marlow," growled a voice, and I knew there was at +least one listener awake besides myself. + +"I beg your pardon. I forgot the heartache which makes up the rest of +the price. And indeed what does the price matter, if the trick be well +done? You do your tricks very well. And I didn't do badly either, since +I managed not to sink that steamboat on my first trip. It's a wonder to +me yet. Imagine a blindfolded man set to drive a van over a bad road. +I sweated and shivered over that business considerably, I can tell +you. After all, for a seaman, to scrape the bottom of the thing that's +supposed to float all the time under his care is the unpardonable sin. +No one may know of it, but you never forget the thump--eh? A blow on the +very heart. You remember it, you dream of it, you wake up at night and +think of it--years after--and go hot and cold all over. I don't pretend +to say that steamboat floated all the time. More than once she had to +wade for a bit, with twenty cannibals splashing around and pushing. +We had enlisted some of these chaps on the way for a crew. Fine +fellows--cannibals--in their place. They were men one could work with, +and I am grateful to them. And, after all, they did not eat each other +before my face: they had brought along a provision of hippo-meat +which went rotten, and made the mystery of the wilderness stink in my +nostrils. Phoo! I can sniff it now. I had the manager on board and three +or four pilgrims with their staves--all complete. Sometimes we came upon +a station close by the bank, clinging to the skirts of the unknown, and +the white men rushing out of a tumble-down hovel, with great gestures of +joy and surprise and welcome, seemed very strange,--had the appearance +of being held there captive by a spell. The word ivory would ring in +the air for a while--and on we went again into the silence, along empty +reaches, round the still bends, between the high walls of our +winding way, reverberating in hollow claps the ponderous beat of the +stern-wheel. Trees, trees, millions of trees, massive, immense, running +up high; and at their foot, hugging the bank against the stream, crept +the little begrimed steamboat, like a sluggish beetle crawling on the +floor of a lofty portico. It made you feel very small, very lost, and +yet it was not altogether depressing, that feeling. After all, if you +were small, the grimy beetle crawled on--which was just what you wanted +it to do. Where the pilgrims imagined it crawled to I don't know. +To some place where they expected to get something, I bet! For me it +crawled toward Kurtz--exclusively; but when the steam-pipes started +leaking we crawled very slow. The reaches opened before us and closed +behind, as if the forest had stepped leisurely across the water to bar +the way for our return. We penetrated deeper and deeper into the heart +of darkness. It was very quiet there. At night sometimes the roll of +drums behind the curtain of trees would run up the river and remain +sustained faintly, as if hovering in the air high over our heads, till +the first break of day. Whether it meant war, peace, or prayer we could +not tell. The dawns were heralded by the descent of a chill stillness; +the woodcutters slept, their fires burned low; the snapping of a twig +would make you start. We were wanderers on a prehistoric earth, on an +earth that wore the aspect of an unknown planet. We could have fancied +ourselves the first of men taking possession of an accursed inheritance, +to be subdued at the cost of profound anguish and of excessive toil. But +suddenly, as we struggled round a bend, there would be a glimpse of rush +walls, of peaked grass-roofs, a burst of yells, a whirl of black limbs, +a mass of hands clapping, of feet stamping, of bodies swaying, of eyes +rolling, under the droop of heavy and motionless foliage. The steamer +toiled along slowly on the edge of a black and incomprehensible frenzy. +The prehistoric man was cursing us, praying to us, welcoming us--who +could tell? We were cut off from the comprehension of our surroundings; +we glided past like phantoms, wondering and secretly appalled, as sane +men would be before an enthusiastic outbreak in a madhouse. We could not +understand, because we were too far and could not remember, because we +were traveling in the night of first ages, of those ages that are gone, +leaving hardly a sign--and no memories. + +"The earth seemed unearthly. We are accustomed to look upon the shackled +form of a conquered monster, but there--there you could look at a thing +monstrous and free. It was unearthly, and the men were--No, they were +not inhuman. Well, you know, that was the worst of it--this suspicion of +their not being inhuman. It would come slowly to one. They howled, and +leaped, and spun, and made horrid faces; but what thrilled you was just +the thought of their humanity--like yours--the thought of your remote +kinship with this wild and passionate uproar. Ugly. Yes, it was ugly +enough; but if you were man enough you would admit to yourself that +there was in you just the faintest trace of a response to the terrible +frankness of that noise, a dim suspicion of there being a meaning in it +which you--you so remote from the night of first ages--could comprehend. +And why not? The mind of man is capable of anything--because everything +is in it, all the past as well as all the future. What was there after +all? Joy, fear, sorrow, devotion, valor, rage--who can tell?--but +truth--truth stripped of its cloak of time. Let the fool gape and +shudder--the man knows, and can look on without a wink. But he must at +least be as much of a man as these on the shore. He must meet that +truth with his own true stuff--with his own inborn strength. Principles? +Principles won't do. Acquisitions, clothes, pretty rags--rags that would +fly off at the first good shake. No; you want a deliberate belief. An +appeal to me in this fiendish row--is there? Very well; I hear; I admit, +but I have a voice too, and for good or evil mine is the speech that +cannot be silenced. Of course, a fool, what with sheer fright and fine +sentiments, is always safe. Who's that grunting? You wonder I didn't go +ashore for a howl and a dance? Well, no--I didn't. Fine sentiments, you +say? Fine sentiments, be hanged! I had no time. I had to mess about with +white-lead and strips of woolen blanket helping to put bandages on +those leaky steam-pipes--I tell you. I had to watch the steering, and +circumvent those snags, and get the tin-pot along by hook or by crook. +There was surface-truth enough in these things to save a wiser man. And +between whiles I had to look after the savage who was fireman. He was +an improved specimen; he could fire up a vertical boiler. He was there +below me, and, upon my word, to look at him was as edifying as seeing a +dog in a parody of breeches and a feather hat, walking on his hind-legs. +A few months of training had done for that really fine chap. He squinted +at the steam-gauge and at the water-gauge with an evident effort of +intrepidity--and he had filed teeth too, the poor devil, and the wool of +his pate shaved into queer patterns, and three ornamental scars on each +of his cheeks. He ought to have been clapping his hands and stamping +his feet on the bank, instead of which he was hard at work, a thrall to +strange witchcraft, full of improving knowledge. He was useful because +he had been instructed; and what he knew was this--that should the water +in that transparent thing disappear, the evil spirit inside the boiler +would get angry through the greatness of his thirst, and take a terrible +vengeance. So he sweated and fired up and watched the glass fearfully +(with an impromptu charm, made of rags, tied to his arm, and a piece of +polished bone, as big as a watch, stuck flatways through his lower lip), +while the wooded banks slipped past us slowly, the short noise was left +behind, the interminable miles of silence--and we crept on, towards +Kurtz. But the snags were thick, the water was treacherous and shallow, +the boiler seemed indeed to have a sulky devil in it, and thus neither +that fireman nor I had any time to peer into our creepy thoughts. + +"Some fifty miles below the Inner Station we came upon a hut of reeds, +an inclined and melancholy pole, with the unrecognizable tatters of +what had been a flag of some sort flying from it, and a neatly stacked +woodpile. This was unexpected. We came to the bank, and on the stack of +firewood found a flat piece of board with some faded pencil-writing +on it. When deciphered it said: 'Wood for you. Hurry up. Approach +cautiously.' There was a signature, but it was illegible--not +Kurtz--a much longer word. 'Hurry up.' Where? Up the river? 'Approach +cautiously.' We had not done so. But the warning could not have been +meant for the place where it could be only found after approach. +Something was wrong above. But what--and how much? That was the +question. We commented adversely upon the imbecility of that telegraphic +style. The bush around said nothing, and would not let us look very far, +either. A torn curtain of red twill hung in the doorway of the hut, and +flapped sadly in our faces. The dwelling was dismantled; but we could +see a white man had lived there not very long ago. There remained a rude +table--a plank on two posts; a heap of rubbish reposed in a dark corner, +and by the door I picked up a book. It had lost its covers, and the +pages had been thumbed into a state of extremely dirty softness; but the +back had been lovingly stitched afresh with white cotton thread, which +looked clean yet. It was an extraordinary find. Its title was, 'An +Inquiry into some Points of Seamanship,' by a man Tower, Towson--some +such name--Master in his Majesty's Navy. The matter looked dreary +reading enough, with illustrative diagrams and repulsive tables of +figures, and the copy was sixty years old. I handled this amazing +antiquity with the greatest possible tenderness, lest it should dissolve +in my hands. Within, Towson or Towser was inquiring earnestly into the +breaking strain of ships' chains and tackle, and other such matters. Not +a very enthralling book; but at the first glance you could see there a +singleness of intention, an honest concern for the right way of going +to work, which made these humble pages, thought out so many years ago, +luminous with another than a professional light. The simple old sailor, +with his talk of chains and purchases, made me forget the jungle and +the pilgrims in a delicious sensation of having come upon something +unmistakably real. Such a book being there was wonderful enough; but +still more astounding were the notes penciled in the margin, and plainly +referring to the text. I couldn't believe my eyes! They were in cipher! +Yes, it looked like cipher. Fancy a man lugging with him a book of that +description into this nowhere and studying it--and making notes--in +cipher at that! It was an extravagant mystery. + +"I had been dimly aware for some time of a worrying noise, and when I +lifted my eyes I saw the wood-pile was gone, and the manager, aided by +all the pilgrims, was shouting at me from the river-side. I slipped the +book into my pocket. I assure you to leave off reading was like tearing +myself away from the shelter of an old and solid friendship. + +"I started the lame engine ahead. 'It must be this miserable +trader--this intruder,' exclaimed the manager, looking back malevolently +at the place we had left. 'He must be English,' I said. 'It will not +save him from getting into trouble if he is not careful,' muttered the +manager darkly. I observed with assumed innocence that no man was safe +from trouble in this world. + +"The current was more rapid now, the steamer seemed at her last gasp, +the stern-wheel flopped languidly, and I caught myself listening on +tiptoe for the next beat of the boat, for in sober truth I expected the +wretched thing to give up every moment. It was like watching the last +flickers of a life. But still we crawled. Sometimes I would pick out a +tree a little way ahead to measure our progress towards Kurtz by, but +I lost it invariably before we got abreast. To keep the eyes so long +on one thing was too much for human patience. The manager displayed +a beautiful resignation. I fretted and fumed and took to arguing with +myself whether or no I would talk openly with Kurtz; but before I could +come to any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech or my silence, +indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility. What did it matter +what anyone knew or ignored? What did it matter who was manager? One +gets sometimes such a flash of insight. The essentials of this affair +lay deep under the surface, beyond my reach, and beyond my power of +meddling. + +"Towards the evening of the second day we judged ourselves about eight +miles from Kurtz's station. I wanted to push on; but the manager looked +grave, and told me the navigation up there was so dangerous that it +would be advisable, the sun being very low already, to wait where we +were till next morning. Moreover, he pointed out that if the warning +to approach cautiously were to be followed, we must approach in +daylight--not at dusk, or in the dark. This was sensible enough. Eight +miles meant nearly three hours' steaming for us, and I could also see +suspicious ripples at the upper end of the reach. Nevertheless, I was +annoyed beyond expression at the delay, and most unreasonably too, since +one night more could not matter much after so many months. As we had +plenty of wood, and caution was the word, I brought up in the middle +of the stream. The reach was narrow, straight, with high sides like a +railway cutting. The dusk came gliding into it long before the sun had +set. The current ran smooth and swift, but a dumb immobility sat on +the banks. The living trees, lashed together by the creepers and every +living bush of the undergrowth, might have been changed into stone, +even to the slenderest twig, to the lightest leaf. It was not sleep--it +seemed unnatural, like a state of trance. Not the faintest sound of any +kind could be heard. You looked on amazed, and began to suspect yourself +of being deaf--then the night came suddenly, and struck you blind as +well. About three in the morning some large fish leaped, and the loud +splash made me jump as though a gun had been fired. When the sun rose +there was a white fog, very warm and clammy, and more blinding than the +night. It did not shift or drive; it was just there, standing all round +you like something solid. At eight or nine, perhaps, it lifted as a +shutter lifts. We had a glimpse of the towering multitude of trees, +of the immense matted jungle, with the blazing little ball of the sun +hanging over it--all perfectly still--and then the white shutter came +down again, smoothly, as if sliding in greased grooves. I ordered the +chain, which we had begun to heave in, to be paid out again. Before it +stopped running with a muffled rattle, a cry, a very loud cry, as of +infinite desolation, soared slowly in the opaque air. It ceased. A +complaining clamor, modulated in savage discords, filled our ears. The +sheer unexpectedness of it made my hair stir under my cap. I don't know +how it struck the others: to me it seemed as though the mist itself had +screamed, so suddenly, and apparently from all sides at once, did +this tumultuous and mournful uproar arise. It culminated in a hurried +outbreak of almost intolerably excessive shrieking, which stopped short, +leaving us stiffened in a variety of silly attitudes, and obstinately +listening to the nearly as appalling and excessive silence. 'Good God! +What is the meaning--?' stammered at my elbow one of the pilgrims,--a +little fat man, with sandy hair and red whiskers, who wore side-spring +boots, and pink pyjamas tucked into his socks. Two others remained +open-mouthed a whole minute, then dashed into the little cabin, to rush +out incontinently and stand darting scared glances, with Winchesters at +'ready' in their hands. What we could see was just the steamer we +were on, her outlines blurred as though she had been on the point of +dissolving, and a misty strip of water, perhaps two feet broad, around +her--and that was all. The rest of the world was nowhere, as far as our +eyes and ears were concerned. Just nowhere. Gone, disappeared; swept off +without leaving a whisper or a shadow behind. + +"I went forward, and ordered the chain to be hauled in short, so as to +be ready to trip the anchor and move the steamboat at once if necessary. +'Will they attack?' whispered an awed voice. 'We will all be butchered +in this fog,' murmured another. The faces twitched with the strain, the +hands trembled slightly, the eyes forgot to wink. It was very curious +to see the contrast of expressions of the white men and of the black +fellows of our crew, who were as much strangers to that part of the +river as we, though their homes were only eight hundred miles away. The +whites, of course greatly discomposed, had besides a curious look of +being painfully shocked by such an outrageous row. The others had an +alert, naturally interested expression; but their faces were essentially +quiet, even those of the one or two who grinned as they hauled at the +chain. Several exchanged short, grunting phrases, which seemed to settle +the matter to their satisfaction. Their headman, a young, broad-chested +black, severely draped in dark-blue fringed cloths, with fierce nostrils +and his hair all done up artfully in oily ringlets, stood near me. +'Aha!' I said, just for good fellowship's sake. 'Catch 'im,' he snapped, +with a bloodshot widening of his eyes and a flash of sharp teeth--'catch +'im. Give 'im to us.' 'To you, eh?' I asked; 'what would you do with +them?' 'Eat 'im!' he said curtly, and, leaning his elbow on the rail, +looked out into the fog in a dignified and profoundly pensive attitude. +I would no doubt have been properly horrified, had it not occurred to +me that he and his chaps must be very hungry: that they must have been +growing increasingly hungry for at least this month past. They had been +engaged for six months (I don't think a single one of them had any +clear idea of time, as we at the end of countless ages have. They still +belonged to the beginnings of time--had no inherited experience to teach +them as it were), and of course, as long as there was a piece of paper +written over in accordance with some farcical law or other made down the +river, it didn't enter anybody's head to trouble how they would live. +Certainly they had brought with them some rotten hippo-meat, which +couldn't have lasted very long, anyway, even if the pilgrims hadn't, in +the midst of a shocking hullabaloo, thrown a considerable quantity of it +overboard. It looked like a high-handed proceeding; but it was really +a case of legitimate self-defense. You can't breathe dead hippo waking, +sleeping, and eating, and at the same time keep your precarious grip on +existence. Besides that, they had given them every week three pieces of +brass wire, each about nine inches long; and the theory was they were to +buy their provisions with that currency in river-side villages. You can +see how _that_ worked. There were either no villages, or the people were +hostile, or the director, who like the rest of us fed out of tins, with +an occasional old he-goat thrown in, didn't want to stop the steamer for +some more or less recondite reason. So, unless they swallowed the wire +itself, or made loops of it to snare the fishes with, I don't see what +good their extravagant salary could be to them. I must say it was paid +with a regularity worthy of a large and honorable trading company. For +the rest, the only thing to eat--though it didn't look eatable in the +least--I saw in their possession was a few lumps of some stuff like +half-cooked dough, of a dirty lavender color, they kept wrapped in +leaves, and now and then swallowed a piece of, but so small that it +seemed done more for the looks of the thing than for any serious purpose +of sustenance. Why in the name of all the gnawing devils of hunger they +didn't go for us--they were thirty to five--and have a good tuck in for +once, amazes me now when I think of it. They were big powerful men, +with not much capacity to weigh the consequences, with courage, with +strength, even yet, though their skins were no longer glossy and their +muscles no longer hard. And I saw that something restraining, one of +those human secrets that baffle probability, had come into play there. +I looked at them with a swift quickening of interest--not because it +occurred to me I might be eaten by them before very long, though I +own to you that just then I perceived--in a new light, as it were--how +unwholesome the pilgrims looked, and I hoped, yes, I positively hoped, +that my aspect was not so--what shall I say?--so--unappetizing: a touch +of fantastic vanity which fitted well with the dream-sensation that +pervaded all my days at that time. Perhaps I had a little fever too. One +can't live with one's finger everlastingly on one's pulse. I had +often 'a little fever,' or a little touch of other things--the playful +paw-strokes of the wilderness, the preliminary trifling before the more +serious onslaught which came in due course. Yes; I looked at them as you +would on any human being, with a curiosity of their impulses, motives, +capacities, weaknesses, when brought to the test of an inexorable +physical necessity. Restraint! What possible restraint? Was it +superstition, disgust, patience, fear--or some kind of primitive honor? +No fear can stand up to hunger, no patience can wear it out, disgust +simply does not exist where hunger is; and as to superstition, beliefs, +and what you may call principles, they are less than chaff in a breeze. +Don't you know the devilry of lingering starvation, its exasperating +torment, its black thoughts, its somber and brooding ferocity? Well, +I do. It takes a man all his inborn strength to fight hunger properly. +It's really easier to face bereavement, dishonor, and the perdition of +one's soul--than this kind of prolonged hunger. Sad, but true. And these +chaps too had no earthly reason for any kind of scruple. Restraint! I +would just as soon have expected restraint from a hyena prowling amongst +the corpses of a battlefield. But there was the fact facing me--the fact +dazzling, to be seen, like the foam on the depths of the sea, like a +ripple on an unfathomable enigma, a mystery greater--when I thought +of it--than the curious, inexplicable note of desperate grief in this +savage clamor that had swept by us on the river-bank, behind the blind +whiteness of the fog. + +"Two pilgrims were quarreling in hurried whispers as to which bank. +'Left.' 'No, no; how can you? Right, right, of course.' 'It is very +serious,' said the manager's voice behind me; 'I would be desolated if +anything should happen to Mr. Kurtz before we came up.' I looked at him, +and had not the slightest doubt he was sincere. He was just the kind of +man who would wish to preserve appearances. That was his restraint. But +when he muttered something about going on at once, I did not even take +the trouble to answer him. I knew, and he knew, that it was impossible. +Were we to let go our hold of the bottom, we would be absolutely in +the air--in space. We wouldn't be able to tell where we were going +to--whether up or down stream, or across--till we fetched against one +bank or the other,--and then we wouldn't know at first which it was. +Of course I made no move. I had no mind for a smash-up. You couldn't +imagine a more deadly place for a shipwreck. Whether drowned at once or +not, we were sure to perish speedily in one way or another. 'I authorize +you to take all the risks,' he said, after a short silence. 'I refuse to +take any,' I said shortly; which was just the answer he expected, though +its tone might have surprised him. 'Well, I must defer to your judgment. +You are captain,' he said, with marked civility. I turned my shoulder to +him in sign of my appreciation, and looked into the fog. How long would +it last? It was the most hopeless look-out. The approach to this Kurtz +grubbing for ivory in the wretched bush was beset by as many dangers as +though he had been an enchanted princess sleeping in a fabulous castle. +'Will they attack, do you think?' asked the manager, in a confidential +tone. + +"I did not think they would attack, for several obvious reasons. The +thick fog was one. If they left the bank in their canoes they would get +lost in it, as we would be if we attempted to move. Still, I had also +judged the jungle of both banks quite impenetrable--and yet eyes were +in it, eyes that had seen us. The river-side bushes were certainly very +thick; but the undergrowth behind was evidently penetrable. +However, during the short lift I had seen no canoes anywhere in the +reach--certainly not abreast of the steamer. But what made the idea of +attack inconceivable to me was the nature of the noise--of the cries we +had heard. They had not the fierce character boding of immediate hostile +intention. Unexpected, wild, and violent as they had been, they had +given me an irresistible impression of sorrow. The glimpse of the +steamboat had for some reason filled those savages with unrestrained +grief. The danger, if any, I expounded, was from our proximity to a +great human passion let loose. Even extreme grief may ultimately vent +itself in violence--but more generally takes the form of apathy. . . . + +"You should have seen the pilgrims stare! They had no heart to grin, or +even to revile me; but I believe they thought me gone mad--with fright, +maybe. I delivered a regular lecture. My dear boys, it was no good +bothering. Keep a look-out? Well, you may guess I watched the fog for +the signs of lifting as a cat watches a mouse; but for anything else our +eyes were of no more use to us than if we had been buried miles deep +in a heap of cotton-wool. It felt like it too--choking, warm, stifling. +Besides, all I said, though it sounded extravagant, was absolutely +true to fact. What we afterwards alluded to as an attack was really an +attempt at repulse. The action was very far from being aggressive--it +was not even defensive, in the usual sense: it was undertaken under the +stress of desperation, and in its essence was purely protective. + +"It developed itself, I should say, two hours after the fog lifted, and +its commencement was at a spot, roughly speaking, about a mile and a +half below Kurtz's station. We had just floundered and flopped round a +bend, when I saw an islet, a mere grassy hummock of bright green, in +the middle of the stream. It was the only thing of the kind; but as we +opened the reach more, I perceived it was the head of a long sandbank, +or rather of a chain of shallow patches stretching down the middle of +the river. They were discolored, just awash, and the whole lot was seen +just under the water, exactly as a man's backbone is seen running down +the middle of his back under the skin. Now, as far as I did see, I could +go to the right or to the left of this. I didn't know either channel, of +course. The banks looked pretty well alike, the depth appeared the same; +but as I had been informed the station was on the west side, I naturally +headed for the western passage. + +"No sooner had we fairly entered it than I became aware it was much +narrower than I had supposed. To the left of us there was the long +uninterrupted shoal, and to the right a high, steep bank heavily +overgrown with bushes. Above the bush the trees stood in serried ranks. +The twigs overhung the current thickly, and from distance to distance a +large limb of some tree projected rigidly over the stream. It was then +well on in the afternoon, the face of the forest was gloomy, and a +broad strip of shadow had already fallen on the water. In this shadow +we steamed up--very slowly, as you may imagine. I sheered her well +inshore--the water being deepest near the bank, as the sounding-pole +informed me. + +"One of my hungry and forbearing friends was sounding in the bows just +below me. This steamboat was exactly like a decked scow. On the deck +there were two little teak-wood houses, with doors and windows. The +boiler was in the fore-end, and the machinery right astern. Over the +whole there was a light roof, supported on stanchions. The funnel +projected through that roof, and in front of the funnel a small cabin +built of light planks served for a pilot-house. It contained a couch, +two camp-stools, a loaded Martini-Henry leaning in one corner, a tiny +table, and the steering-wheel. It had a wide door in front and a broad +shutter at each side. All these were always thrown open, of course. I +spent my days perched up there on the extreme fore-end of that roof, +before the door. At night I slept, or tried to, on the couch. An +athletic black belonging to some coast tribe, and educated by my poor +predecessor, was the helmsman. He sported a pair of brass earrings, wore +a blue cloth wrapper from the waist to the ankles, and thought all the +world of himself. He was the most unstable kind of fool I had ever seen. +He steered with no end of a swagger while you were by; but if he lost +sight of you, he became instantly the prey of an abject funk, and would +let that cripple of a steamboat get the upper hand of him in a minute. + +"I was looking down at the sounding-pole, and feeling much annoyed to +see at each try a little more of it stick out of that river, when I saw +my poleman give up the business suddenly, and stretch himself flat on +the deck, without even taking the trouble to haul his pole in. He kept +hold on it though, and it trailed in the water. At the same time the +fireman, whom I could also see below me, sat down abruptly before his +furnace and ducked his head. I was amazed. Then I had to look at the +river mighty quick, because there was a snag in the fairway. Sticks, +little sticks, were flying about--thick: they were whizzing before my +nose, dropping below me, striking behind me against my pilot-house. All +this time the river, the shore, the woods, were very quiet--perfectly +quiet. I could only hear the heavy splashing thump of the stern-wheel +and the patter of these things. We cleared the snag clumsily. Arrows, by +Jove! We were being shot at! I stepped in quickly to close the shutter +on the land side. That fool-helmsman, his hands on the spokes, was +lifting his knees high, stamping his feet, champing his mouth, like a +reined-in horse. Confound him! And we were staggering within ten feet of +the bank. I had to lean right out to swing the heavy shutter, and I saw +a face amongst the leaves on the level with my own, looking at me very +fierce and steady; and then suddenly, as though a veil had been removed +from my eyes, I made out, deep in the tangled gloom, naked breasts, +arms, legs, glaring eyes,--the bush was swarming with human limbs in +movement, glistening, of bronze color. The twigs shook, swayed, and +rustled, the arrows flew out of them, and then the shutter came to. +'Steer her straight,' I said to the helmsman. He held his head rigid, +face forward; but his eyes rolled, he kept on lifting and setting down +his feet gently, his mouth foamed a little. 'Keep quiet!' I said in a +fury. I might just as well have ordered a tree not to sway in the wind. +I darted out. Below me there was a great scuffle of feet on the iron +deck; confused exclamations; a voice screamed, 'Can you turn back?' +I caught shape of a V-shaped ripple on the water ahead. What? Another +snag! A fusillade burst out under my feet. The pilgrims had opened with +their Winchesters, and were simply squirting lead into that bush. A +deuce of a lot of smoke came up and drove slowly forward. I swore at +it. Now I couldn't see the ripple or the snag either. I stood in the +doorway, peering, and the arrows came in swarms. They might have been +poisoned, but they looked as though they wouldn't kill a cat. The bush +began to howl. Our wood-cutters raised a warlike whoop; the report of a +rifle just at my back deafened me. I glanced over my shoulder, and the +pilot-house was yet full of noise and smoke when I made a dash at the +wheel. The fool-nigger had dropped everything, to throw the shutter +open and let off that Martini-Henry. He stood before the wide opening, +glaring, and I yelled at him to come back, while I straightened the +sudden twist out of that steamboat. There was no room to turn even if I +had wanted to, the snag was somewhere very near ahead in that confounded +smoke, there was no time to lose, so I just crowded her into the +bank--right into the bank, where I knew the water was deep. + +"We tore slowly along the overhanging bushes in a whirl of broken twigs +and flying leaves. The fusillade below stopped short, as I had foreseen +it would when the squirts got empty. I threw my head back to a glinting +whizz that traversed the pilot-house, in at one shutter-hole and out +at the other. Looking past that mad helmsman, who was shaking the empty +rifle and yelling at the shore, I saw vague forms of men running bent +double, leaping, gliding, distinct, incomplete, evanescent. Something +big appeared in the air before the shutter, the rifle went overboard, +and the man stepped back swiftly, looked at me over his shoulder in an +extraordinary, profound, familiar manner, and fell upon my feet. The +side of his head hit the wheel twice, and the end of what appeared +a long cane clattered round and knocked over a little camp-stool. It +looked as though after wrenching that thing from somebody ashore he had +lost his balance in the effort. The thin smoke had blown away, we were +clear of the snag, and looking ahead I could see that in another hundred +yards or so I would be free to sheer off, away from the bank; but my +feet felt so very warm and wet that I had to look down. The man had +rolled on his back and stared straight up at me; both his hands clutched +that cane. It was the shaft of a spear that, either thrown or lunged +through the opening, had caught him in the side just below the ribs; the +blade had gone in out of sight, after making a frightful gash; my shoes +were full; a pool of blood lay very still, gleaming dark-red under the +wheel; his eyes shone with an amazing luster. The fusillade burst out +again. He looked at me anxiously, gripping the spear like something +precious, with an air of being afraid I would try to take it away from +him. I had to make an effort to free my eyes from his gaze and attend +to the steering. With one hand I felt above my head for the line of +the steam-whistle, and jerked out screech after screech hurriedly. The +tumult of angry and warlike yells was checked instantly, and then from +the depths of the woods went out such a tremulous and prolonged wail of +mournful fear and utter despair as may be imagined to follow the flight +of the last hope from the earth. There was a great commotion in the +bush; the shower of arrows stopped, a few dropping shots rang out +sharply--then silence, in which the languid beat of the stern-wheel came +plainly to my ears. I put the helm hard a-starboard at the moment when +the pilgrim in pink pyjamas, very hot and agitated, appeared in the +doorway. 'The manager sends me--' he began in an official tone, and +stopped short. 'Good God!' he said, glaring at the wounded man. + +"We two whites stood over him, and his lustrous and inquiring glance +enveloped us both. I declare it looked as though he would presently put +to us some question in an understandable language; but he died without +uttering a sound, without moving a limb, without twitching a muscle. +Only in the very last moment, as though in response to some sign we +could not see, to some whisper we could not hear, he frowned heavily, +and that frown gave to his black death-mask an inconceivably somber, +brooding, and menacing expression. The luster of inquiring glance faded +swiftly into vacant glassiness. 'Can you steer?' I asked the agent +eagerly. He looked very dubious; but I made a grab at his arm, and he +understood at once I meant him to steer whether or no. To tell you +the truth, I was morbidly anxious to change my shoes and socks. 'He is +dead,' murmured the fellow, immensely impressed. 'No doubt about it,' +said I, tugging like mad at the shoe-laces. 'And, by the way, I suppose +Mr. Kurtz is dead as well by this time.' + +"For the moment that was the dominant thought. There was a sense of +extreme disappointment, as though I had found out I had been striving +after something altogether without a substance. I couldn't have been +more disgusted if I had traveled all this way for the sole purpose of +talking with Mr. Kurtz. Talking with. . . . I flung one shoe overboard, +and became aware that that was exactly what I had been looking forward +to--a talk with Kurtz. I made the strange discovery that I had never +imagined him as doing, you know, but as discoursing. I didn't say to +myself, 'Now I will never see him,' or 'Now I will never shake him by +the hand,' but, 'Now I will never hear him.' The man presented himself +as a voice. Not of course that I did not connect him with some sort of +action. Hadn't I been told in all the tones of jealousy and admiration +that he had collected, bartered, swindled, or stolen more ivory than all +the other agents together? That was not the point. The point was in his +being a gifted creature, and that of all his gifts the one that stood +out pre-eminently, that carried with it a sense of real presence, was +his ability to talk, his words--the gift of expression, the bewildering, +the illuminating, the most exalted and the most contemptible, the +pulsating stream of light, or the deceitful flow from the heart of an +impenetrable darkness. + +"The other shoe went flying unto the devil-god of that river. I thought, +'By Jove! it's all over. We are too late; he has vanished--the gift has +vanished, by means of some spear, arrow, or club. I will never hear that +chap speak after all,'--and my sorrow had a startling extravagance +of emotion, even such as I had noticed in the howling sorrow of these +savages in the bush. I couldn't have felt more of lonely desolation +somehow, had I been robbed of a belief or had missed my destiny in +life. . . . Why do you sigh in this beastly way, somebody? Absurd? Well, +absurd. Good Lord! mustn't a man ever--Here, give me some tobacco." . . . + +There was a pause of profound stillness, then a match flared, and +Marlow's lean face appeared, worn, hollow, with downward folds and +dropped eyelids, with an aspect of concentrated attention; and as he +took vigorous draws at his pipe, it seemed to retreat and advance out of +the night in the regular flicker of the tiny flame. The match went out. + +"Absurd!" he cried. "This is the worst of trying to tell. . . . Here +you all are, each moored with two good addresses, like a hulk with +two anchors, a butcher round one corner, a policeman round another, +excellent appetites, and temperature normal--you hear--normal from +year's end to year's end. And you say, Absurd! Absurd be--exploded! +Absurd! My dear boys, what can you expect from a man who out of sheer +nervousness had just flung overboard a pair of new shoes. Now I think of +it, it is amazing I did not shed tears. I am, upon the whole, proud +of my fortitude. I was cut to the quick at the idea of having lost the +inestimable privilege of listening to the gifted Kurtz. Of course I +was wrong. The privilege was waiting for me. Oh yes, I heard more than +enough. And I was right, too. A voice. He was very little more than a +voice. And I heard--him--it--this voice--other voices--all of them were +so little more than voices--and the memory of that time itself lingers +around me, impalpable, like a dying vibration of one immense jabber, +silly, atrocious, sordid, savage, or simply mean, without any kind of +sense. Voices, voices--even the girl herself--now--" + +He was silent for a long time. + +"I laid the ghost of his gifts at last with a lie," he began suddenly. +"Girl! What? Did I mention a girl? Oh, she is out of it--completely. +They--the women, I mean--are out of it--should be out of it. We must +help them to stay in that beautiful world of their own, lest ours +gets worse. Oh, she had to be out of it. You should have heard the +disinterred body of Mr. Kurtz saying, 'My Intended.' You would have +perceived directly then how completely she was out of it. And the lofty +frontal bone of Mr. Kurtz! They say the hair goes on growing sometimes, +but this--ah specimen, was impressively bald. The wilderness had patted +him on the head, and, behold, it was like a ball--an ivory ball; it had +caressed him, and--lo!--he had withered; it had taken him, loved him, +embraced him, got into his veins, consumed his flesh, and sealed +his soul to its own by the inconceivable ceremonies of some devilish +initiation. He was its spoiled and pampered favorite. Ivory? I should +think so. Heaps of it, stacks of it. The old mud shanty was bursting +with it. You would think there was not a single tusk left either above +or below the ground in the whole country. 'Mostly fossil,' the manager +had remarked disparagingly. It was no more fossil than I am; but they +call it fossil when it is dug up. It appears these niggers do bury +the tusks sometimes--but evidently they couldn't bury this parcel +deep enough to save the gifted Mr. Kurtz from his fate. We filled the +steamboat with it, and had to pile a lot on the deck. Thus he could +see and enjoy as long as he could see, because the appreciation of this +favor had remained with him to the last. You should have heard him say, +'My ivory.' Oh yes, I heard him. 'My Intended, my ivory, my station, my +river, my--' everything belonged to him. It made me hold my breath in +expectation of hearing the wilderness burst into a prodigious peal of +laughter that would shake the fixed stars in their places. Everything +belonged to him--but that was a trifle. The thing was to know what he +belonged to, how many powers of darkness claimed him for their own. That +was the reflection that made you creepy all over. It was impossible--it +was not good for one either--trying to imagine. He had taken a high seat +amongst the devils of the land--I mean literally. You can't understand. +How could you?--with solid pavement under your feet, surrounded by kind +neighbors ready to cheer you or to fall on you, stepping delicately +between the butcher and the policeman, in the holy terror of scandal and +gallows and lunatic asylums--how can you imagine what particular region +of the first ages a man's untrammeled feet may take him into by the way +of solitude--utter solitude without a policeman--by the way of silence, +utter silence, where no warning voice of a kind neighbor can be heard +whispering of public opinion? These little things make all the great +difference. When they are gone you must fall back upon your own innate +strength, upon your own capacity for faithfulness. Of course you may +be too much of a fool to go wrong--too dull even to know you are being +assaulted by the powers of darkness. I take it, no fool ever made a +bargain for his soul with the devil: the fool is too much of a fool, or +the devil too much of a devil--I don't know which. Or you may be such +a thunderingly exalted creature as to be altogether deaf and blind to +anything but heavenly sights and sounds. Then the earth for you is only +a standing place--and whether to be like this is your loss or your gain +I won't pretend to say. But most of us are neither one nor the other. +The earth for us is a place to live in, where we must put up with +sights, with sounds, with smells too, by Jove!--breathe dead hippo, +so to speak, and not be contaminated. And there, don't you see? +Your strength comes in, the faith in your ability for the digging of +unostentatious holes to bury the stuff in--your power of devotion, +not to yourself, but to an obscure, back-breaking business. And that's +difficult enough. Mind, I am not trying to excuse or even explain--I am +trying to account to myself for--for--Mr. Kurtz--for the shade of Mr. +Kurtz. This initiated wraith from the back of Nowhere honored me with +its amazing confidence before it vanished altogether. This was because +it could speak English to me. The original Kurtz had been educated +partly in England, and--as he was good enough to say himself--his +sympathies were in the right place. His mother was half-English, his +father was half-French. All Europe contributed to the making of Kurtz; +and by-and-by I learned that, most appropriately, the International +Society for the Suppression of Savage Customs had intrusted him with the +making of a report, for its future guidance. And he had written it too. +I've seen it. I've read it. It was eloquent, vibrating with eloquence, +but too high-strung, I think. Seventeen pages of close writing he had +found time for! But this must have been before his--let us say--nerves, +went wrong, and caused him to preside at certain midnight dances ending +with unspeakable rites, which--as far as I reluctantly gathered +from what I heard at various times--were offered up to him--do you +understand?--to Mr. Kurtz himself. But it was a beautiful piece +of writing. The opening paragraph, however, in the light of later +information, strikes me now as ominous. He began with the argument +that we whites, from the point of development we had arrived at, 'must +necessarily appear to them [savages] in the nature of supernatural +beings--we approach them with the might as of a deity,' and so on, and +so on. 'By the simple exercise of our will we can exert a power for good +practically unbounded,' &c., &c. From that point he soared and took me +with him. The peroration was magnificent, though difficult to remember, +you know. It gave me the notion of an exotic Immensity ruled by an +august Benevolence. It made me tingle with enthusiasm. This was the +unbounded power of eloquence--of words--of burning noble words. There +were no practical hints to interrupt the magic current of phrases, +unless a kind of note at the foot of the last page, scrawled evidently +much later, in an unsteady hand, may be regarded as the exposition of +a method. It was very simple, and at the end of that moving appeal to +every altruistic sentiment it blazed at you, luminous and terrifying, +like a flash of lightning in a serene sky: 'Exterminate all the brutes!' +The curious part was that he had apparently forgotten all about that +valuable postscriptum, because, later on, when he in a sense came to +himself, he repeatedly entreated me to take good care of 'my pamphlet' +(he called it), as it was sure to have in the future a good influence +upon his career. I had full information about all these things, and, +besides, as it turned out, I was to have the care of his memory. I've +done enough for it to give me the indisputable right to lay it, if I +choose, for an everlasting rest in the dust-bin of progress, amongst +all the sweepings and, figuratively speaking, all the dead cats of +civilization. But then, you see, I can't choose. He won't be forgotten. +Whatever he was, he was not common. He had the power to charm or +frighten rudimentary souls into an aggravated witch-dance in his +honor; he could also fill the small souls of the pilgrims with bitter +misgivings: he had one devoted friend at least, and he had conquered +one soul in the world that was neither rudimentary nor tainted with +self-seeking. No; I can't forget him, though I am not prepared to affirm +the fellow was exactly worth the life we lost in getting to him. I +missed my late helmsman awfully,--I missed him even while his body +was still lying in the pilot-house. Perhaps you will think it passing +strange this regret for a savage who was no more account than a grain of +sand in a black Sahara. Well, don't you see, he had done something, he +had steered; for months I had him at my back--a help--an instrument. It +was a kind of partnership. He steered for me--I had to look after him, I +worried about his deficiencies, and thus a subtle bond had been created, +of which I only became aware when it was suddenly broken. And the +intimate profundity of that look he gave me when he received his hurt +remains to this day in my memory--like a claim of distant kinship +affirmed in a supreme moment. + +"Poor fool! If he had only left that shutter alone. He had no restraint, +no restraint--just like Kurtz--a tree swayed by the wind. As soon as +I had put on a dry pair of slippers, I dragged him out, after first +jerking the spear out of his side, which operation I confess I performed +with my eyes shut tight. His heels leaped together over the little +door-step; his shoulders were pressed to my breast; I hugged him from +behind desperately. Oh! he was heavy, heavy; heavier than any man on +earth, I should imagine. Then without more ado I tipped him overboard. +The current snatched him as though he had been a wisp of grass, and I +saw the body roll over twice before I lost sight of it for ever. All the +pilgrims and the manager were then congregated on the awning-deck +about the pilot-house, chattering at each other like a flock of excited +magpies, and there was a scandalized murmur at my heartless promptitude. +What they wanted to keep that body hanging about for I can't guess. +Embalm it, maybe. But I had also heard another, and a very ominous, +murmur on the deck below. My friends the wood-cutters were likewise +scandalized, and with a better show of reason--though I admit that the +reason itself was quite inadmissible. Oh, quite! I had made up my mind +that if my late helmsman was to be eaten, the fishes alone should have +him. He had been a very second-rate helmsman while alive, but now he was +dead he might have become a first-class temptation, and possibly cause +some startling trouble. Besides, I was anxious to take the wheel, the +man in pink pyjamas showing himself a hopeless duffer at the business. + +"This I did directly the simple funeral was over. We were going +half-speed, keeping right in the middle of the stream, and I listened +to the talk about me. They had given up Kurtz, they had given up the +station; Kurtz was dead, and the station had been burnt--and so on--and +so on. The red-haired pilgrim was beside himself with the thought that +at least this poor Kurtz had been properly revenged. 'Say! We must have +made a glorious slaughter of them in the bush. Eh? What do you think? +Say?' He positively danced, the bloodthirsty little gingery beggar. +And he had nearly fainted when he saw the wounded man! I could not help +saying, 'You made a glorious lot of smoke, anyhow.' I had seen, from the +way the tops of the bushes rustled and flew, that almost all the shots +had gone too high. You can't hit anything unless you take aim and fire +from the shoulder; but these chaps fired from the hip with their eyes +shut. The retreat, I maintained--and I was right--was caused by the +screeching of the steam-whistle. Upon this they forgot Kurtz, and began +to howl at me with indignant protests. + +"The manager stood by the wheel murmuring confidentially about the +necessity of getting well away down the river before dark at all events, +when I saw in the distance a clearing on the river-side and the outlines +of some sort of building. 'What's this?' I asked. He clapped his hands +in wonder. 'The station!' he cried. I edged in at once, still going +half-speed. + +"Through my glasses I saw the slope of a hill interspersed with rare +trees and perfectly free from undergrowth. A long decaying building on +the summit was half buried in the high grass; the large holes in the +peaked roof gaped black from afar; the jungle and the woods made a +background. There was no inclosure or fence of any kind; but there had +been one apparently, for near the house half-a-dozen slim posts remained +in a row, roughly trimmed, and with their upper ends ornamented with +round carved balls. The rails, or whatever there had been between, had +disappeared. Of course the forest surrounded all that. The river-bank +was clear, and on the water-side I saw a white man under a hat like a +cart-wheel beckoning persistently with his whole arm. Examining the +edge of the forest above and below, I was almost certain I could see +movements--human forms gliding here and there. I steamed past prudently, +then stopped the engines and let her drift down. The man on the shore +began to shout, urging us to land. 'We have been attacked,' screamed +the manager. 'I know--I know. It's all right,' yelled back the other, as +cheerful as you please. 'Come along. It's all right. I am glad.' + +"His aspect reminded me of something I had seen--something funny I had +seen somewhere. As I maneuvered to get alongside, I was asking myself, +'What does this fellow look like?' Suddenly I got it. He looked like +a harlequin. His clothes had been made of some stuff that was brown +holland probably, but it was covered with patches all over, with bright +patches, blue, red, and yellow,--patches on the back, patches on front, +patches on elbows, on knees; colored binding round his jacket, scarlet +edging at the bottom of his trousers; and the sunshine made him look +extremely gay and wonderfully neat withal, because you could see how +beautifully all this patching had been done. A beardless, boyish face, +very fair, no features to speak of, nose peeling, little blue eyes, +smiles and frowns chasing each other over that open countenance like +sunshine and shadow on a windswept plain. 'Look out, captain!' he +cried; 'there's a snag lodged in here last night.' What! Another snag? I +confess I swore shamefully. I had nearly holed my cripple, to finish off +that charming trip. The harlequin on the bank turned his little pug nose +up to me. 'You English?' he asked, all smiles. 'Are you?' I shouted from +the wheel. The smiles vanished, and he shook his head as if sorry for +my disappointment. Then he brightened up. 'Never mind!' he cried +encouragingly. 'Are we in time?' I asked. 'He is up there,' he replied, +with a toss of the head up the hill, and becoming gloomy all of a +sudden. His face was like the autumn sky, overcast one moment and bright +the next. + +"When the manager, escorted by the pilgrims, all of them armed to the +teeth, had gone to the house, this chap came on board. 'I say, I +don't like this. These natives are in the bush,' I said. He assured me +earnestly it was all right. 'They are simple people,' he added; 'well, +I am glad you came. It took me all my time to keep them off.' 'But you +said it was all right,' I cried. 'Oh, they meant no harm,' he said; and +as I stared he corrected himself, 'Not exactly.' Then vivaciously, 'My +faith, your pilot-house wants a clean up!' In the next breath he advised +me to keep enough steam on the boiler to blow the whistle in case of any +trouble. 'One good screech will do more for you than all your rifles. +They are simple people,' he repeated. He rattled away at such a rate +he quite overwhelmed me. He seemed to be trying to make up for lots of +silence, and actually hinted, laughing, that such was the case. 'Don't +you talk with Mr. Kurtz?' I said. 'You don't talk with that man--you +listen to him,' he exclaimed with severe exaltation. 'But now--' He +waved his arm, and in the twinkling of an eye was in the uttermost +depths of despondency. In a moment he came up again with a jump, +possessed himself of both my hands, shook them continuously, while he +gabbled: 'Brother sailor . . . honor . . . pleasure . . . delight . . . +introduce myself . . . Russian . . . son of an arch-priest . . . +Government of Tambov . . . What? Tobacco! English tobacco; the excellent +English tobacco! Now, that's brotherly. Smoke? Where's a sailor that +does not smoke?' + +"The pipe soothed him, and gradually I made out he had run away from +school, had gone to sea in a Russian ship; ran away again; served some +time in English ships; was now reconciled with the arch-priest. He made +a point of that. 'But when one is young one must see things, gather +experience, ideas; enlarge the mind.' 'Here!' I interrupted. 'You can +never tell! Here I have met Mr. Kurtz,' he said, youthfully solemn and +reproachful. I held my tongue after that. It appears he had persuaded a +Dutch trading-house on the coast to fit him out with stores and goods, +and had started for the interior with a light heart, and no more idea of +what would happen to him than a baby. He had been wandering about that +river for nearly two years alone, cut off from everybody and everything. +'I am not so young as I look. I am twenty-five,' he said. 'At first old +Van Shuyten would tell me to go to the devil,' he narrated with keen +enjoyment; 'but I stuck to him, and talked and talked, till at last he +got afraid I would talk the hind-leg off his favorite dog, so he gave +me some cheap things and a few guns, and told me he hoped he would never +see my face again. Good old Dutchman, Van Shuyten. I've sent him one +small lot of ivory a year ago, so that he can't call me a little thief +when I get back. I hope he got it. And for the rest I don't care. I had +some wood stacked for you. That was my old house. Did you see?' + +"I gave him Towson's book. He made as though he would kiss me, but +restrained himself. 'The only book I had left, and I thought I had lost +it,' he said, looking at it ecstatically. 'So many accidents happen to +a man going about alone, you know. Canoes get upset sometimes--and +sometimes you've got to clear out so quick when the people get angry.' +He thumbed the pages. 'You made notes in Russian?' I asked. He nodded. +'I thought they were written in cipher,' I said. He laughed, then became +serious. 'I had lots of trouble to keep these people off,' he said. 'Did +they want to kill you?' I asked. 'Oh no!' he cried, and checked +himself. 'Why did they attack us?' I pursued. He hesitated, then +said shamefacedly, 'They don't want him to go.' 'Don't they?' I said, +curiously. He nodded a nod full of mystery and wisdom. 'I tell you,' he +cried, 'this man has enlarged my mind.' He opened his arms wide, staring +at me with his little blue eyes that were perfectly round." + + + + +III + + +"I looked at him, lost in astonishment. There he was before me, in +motley, as though he had absconded from a troupe of mimes, enthusiastic, +fabulous. His very existence was improbable, inexplicable, and +altogether bewildering. He was an insoluble problem. It was +inconceivable how he had existed, how he had succeeded in getting so +far, how he had managed to remain--why he did not instantly disappear. +'I went a little farther,' he said, 'then still a little farther--till +I had gone so far that I don't know how I'll ever get back. Never mind. +Plenty time. I can manage. You take Kurtz away quick--quick--I tell +you.' The glamour of youth enveloped his particolored rags, his +destitution, his loneliness, the essential desolation of his futile +wanderings. For months--for years--his life hadn't been worth a day's +purchase; and there he was gallantly, thoughtlessly alive, to all +appearance indestructible solely by the virtue of his few years and +of his unreflecting audacity. I was seduced into something like +admiration--like envy. Glamour urged him on, glamour kept him unscathed. +He surely wanted nothing from the wilderness but space to breathe in and +to push on through. His need was to exist, and to move onwards at +the greatest possible risk, and with a maximum of privation. If the +absolutely pure, uncalculating, unpractical spirit of adventure had ever +ruled a human being, it ruled this be-patched youth. I almost envied +him the possession of this modest and clear flame. It seemed to have +consumed all thought of self so completely, that, even while he was +talking to you, you forgot that it was he--the man before your eyes--who +had gone through these things. I did not envy him his devotion to Kurtz, +though. He had not meditated over it. It came to him, and he accepted it +with a sort of eager fatalism. I must say that to me it appeared about +the most dangerous thing in every way he had come upon so far. + +"They had come together unavoidably, like two ships becalmed near +each other, and lay rubbing sides at last. I suppose Kurtz wanted an +audience, because on a certain occasion, when encamped in the forest, +they had talked all night, or more probably Kurtz had talked. 'We talked +of everything,' he said, quite transported at the recollection. 'I +forgot there was such a thing as sleep. The night did not seem to last +an hour. Everything! Everything! . . . Of love too.' 'Ah, he talked to +you of love!' I said, much amused. 'It isn't what you think,' he cried, +almost passionately. 'It was in general. He made me see things--things.' + +"He threw his arms up. We were on deck at the time, and the headman +of my wood-cutters, lounging near by, turned upon him his heavy and +glittering eyes. I looked around, and I don't know why, but I assure you +that never, never before, did this land, this river, this jungle, the +very arch of this blazing sky, appear to me so hopeless and so dark, so +impenetrable to human thought, so pitiless to human weakness. 'And, ever +since, you have been with him, of course?' I said. + +"On the contrary. It appears their intercourse had been very much broken +by various causes. He had, as he informed me proudly, managed to nurse +Kurtz through two illnesses (he alluded to it as you would to some risky +feat), but as a rule Kurtz wandered alone, far in the depths of the +forest. 'Very often coming to this station, I had to wait days and +days before he would turn up,' he said. 'Ah, it was worth waiting +for!--sometimes.' 'What was he doing? exploring or what?' I asked. 'Oh +yes, of course;' he had discovered lots of villages, a lake too--he +did not know exactly in what direction; it was dangerous to inquire +too much--but mostly his expeditions had been for ivory. 'But he had no +goods to trade with by that time,' I objected. 'There's a good lot of +cartridges left even yet,' he answered, looking away. 'To speak plainly, +he raided the country,' I said. He nodded. 'Not alone, surely!' He +muttered something about the villages round that lake. 'Kurtz got the +tribe to follow him, did he?' I suggested. He fidgeted a little. 'They +adored him,' he said. The tone of these words was so extraordinary that +I looked at him searchingly. It was curious to see his mingled eagerness +and reluctance to speak of Kurtz. The man filled his life, occupied his +thoughts, swayed his emotions. 'What can you expect?' he burst out; 'he +came to them with thunder and lightning, you know--and they had never +seen anything like it--and very terrible. He could be very terrible. +You can't judge Mr. Kurtz as you would an ordinary man. No, no, no! +Now--just to give you an idea--I don't mind telling you, he wanted to +shoot me too one day--but I don't judge him.' 'Shoot you!' I cried. +'What for?' 'Well, I had a small lot of ivory the chief of that village +near my house gave me. You see I used to shoot game for them. Well, +he wanted it, and wouldn't hear reason. He declared he would shoot me +unless I gave him the ivory and then cleared out of the country, because +he could do so, and had a fancy for it, and there was nothing on earth +to prevent him killing whom he jolly well pleased. And it was true too. +I gave him the ivory. What did I care! But I didn't clear out. No, no. I +couldn't leave him. I had to be careful, of course, till we got friendly +again for a time. He had his second illness then. Afterwards I had to +keep out of the way; but I didn't mind. He was living for the most part +in those villages on the lake. When he came down to the river, sometimes +he would take to me, and sometimes it was better for me to be careful. +This man suffered too much. He hated all this, and somehow he couldn't +get away. When I had a chance I begged him to try and leave while there +was time; I offered to go back with him. And he would say yes, and then +he would remain; go off on another ivory hunt; disappear for weeks; +forget himself amongst these people--forget himself--you know.' 'Why! +he's mad,' I said. He protested indignantly. Mr. Kurtz couldn't be mad. +If I had heard him talk, only two days ago, I wouldn't dare hint at +such a thing. . . . I had taken up my binoculars while we talked and was +looking at the shore, sweeping the limit of the forest at each side and +at the back of the house. The consciousness of there being people in +that bush, so silent, so quiet--as silent and quiet as the ruined house +on the hill--made me uneasy. There was no sign on the face of nature +of this amazing tale that was not so much told as suggested to me in +desolate exclamations, completed by shrugs, in interrupted phrases, in +hints ending in deep sighs. The woods were unmoved, like a mask--heavy, +like the closed door of a prison--they looked with their air of hidden +knowledge, of patient expectation, of unapproachable silence. The +Russian was explaining to me that it was only lately that Mr. Kurtz had +come down to the river, bringing along with him all the fighting men of +that lake tribe. He had been absent for several months--getting himself +adored, I suppose--and had come down unexpectedly, with the intention to +all appearance of making a raid either across the river or down stream. +Evidently the appetite for more ivory had got the better of the--what +shall I say?--less material aspirations. However he had got much worse +suddenly. 'I heard he was lying helpless, and so I came up--took my +chance,' said the Russian. 'Oh, he is bad, very bad.' I directed my +glass to the house. There were no signs of life, but there was the +ruined roof, the long mud wall peeping above the grass, with three +little square window-holes, no two of the same size; all this brought +within reach of my hand, as it were. And then I made a brusque movement, +and one of the remaining posts of that vanished fence leaped up in the +field of my glass. You remember I told you I had been struck at the +distance by certain attempts at ornamentation, rather remarkable in the +ruinous aspect of the place. Now I had suddenly a nearer view, and its +first result was to make me throw my head back as if before a blow. Then +I went carefully from post to post with my glass, and I saw my mistake. +These round knobs were not ornamental but symbolic; they were expressive +and puzzling, striking and disturbing--food for thought and also for +the vultures if there had been any looking down from the sky; but at all +events for such ants as were industrious enough to ascend the pole. +They would have been even more impressive, those heads on the stakes, if +their faces had not been turned to the house. Only one, the first I had +made out, was facing my way. I was not so shocked as you may think. The +start back I had given was really nothing but a movement of surprise. +I had expected to see a knob of wood there, you know. I returned +deliberately to the first I had seen--and there it was, black, dried, +sunken, with closed eyelids,--a head that seemed to sleep at the top of +that pole, and, with the shrunken dry lips showing a narrow white line +of the teeth, was smiling too, smiling continuously at some endless and +jocose dream of that eternal slumber. + +"I am not disclosing any trade secrets. In fact the manager said +afterwards that Mr. Kurtz's methods had ruined the district. I have no +opinion on that point, but I want you clearly to understand that there +was nothing exactly profitable in these heads being there. They only +showed that Mr. Kurtz lacked restraint in the gratification of his +various lusts, that there was something wanting in him--some small +matter which, when the pressing need arose, could not be found under +his magnificent eloquence. Whether he knew of this deficiency himself I +can't say. I think the knowledge came to him at last--only at the very +last. But the wilderness had found him out early, and had taken on him a +terrible vengeance for the fantastic invasion. I think it had whispered +to him things about himself which he did not know, things of which he +had no conception till he took counsel with this great solitude--and the +whisper had proved irresistibly fascinating. It echoed loudly within him +because he was hollow at the core. . . . I put down the glass, and the +head that had appeared near enough to be spoken to seemed at once to +have leaped away from me into inaccessible distance. + +"The admirer of Mr. Kurtz was a bit crestfallen. In a hurried, +indistinct voice he began to assure me he had not dared to take +these--say, symbols--down. He was not afraid of the natives; they would +not stir till Mr. Kurtz gave the word. His ascendency was extraordinary. +The camps of these people surrounded the place, and the chiefs came +every day to see him. They would crawl. . . . 'I don't want to know +anything of the ceremonies used when approaching Mr. Kurtz,' I shouted. +Curious, this feeling that came over me that such details would be more +intolerable than those heads drying on the stakes under Mr. Kurtz's +windows. After all, that was only a savage sight, while I seemed at +one bound to have been transported into some lightless region of subtle +horrors, where pure, uncomplicated savagery was a positive relief, being +something that had a right to exist--obviously--in the sunshine. The +young man looked at me with surprise. I suppose it did not occur to him +Mr. Kurtz was no idol of mine. He forgot I hadn't heard any of these +splendid monologues on, what was it? on love, justice, conduct of +life--or what not. If it had come to crawling before Mr. Kurtz, he +crawled as much as the veriest savage of them all. I had no idea of the +conditions, he said: these heads were the heads of rebels. I shocked him +excessively by laughing. Rebels! What would be the next definition I +was to hear? There had been enemies, criminals, workers--and these +were rebels. Those rebellious heads looked very subdued to me on their +sticks. 'You don't know how such a life tries a man like Kurtz,' cried +Kurtz's last disciple. 'Well, and you?' I said. 'I! I! I am a simple +man. I have no great thoughts. I want nothing from anybody. How can +you compare me to . . .?' His feelings were too much for speech, and +suddenly he broke down. 'I don't understand,' he groaned. 'I've been +doing my best to keep him alive, and that's enough. I had no hand in +all this. I have no abilities. There hasn't been a drop of medicine or a +mouthful of invalid food for months here. He was shamefully abandoned. +A man like this, with such ideas. Shamefully! Shamefully! I--I--haven't +slept for the last ten nights. . . .' + +"His voice lost itself in the calm of the evening. The long shadows of +the forest had slipped down hill while we talked, had gone far beyond +the ruined hovel, beyond the symbolic row of stakes. All this was in the +gloom, while we down there were yet in the sunshine, and the stretch +of the river abreast of the clearing glittered in a still and dazzling +splendor, with a murky and over-shadowed bend above and below. Not a +living soul was seen on the shore. The bushes did not rustle. + +"Suddenly round the corner of the house a group of men appeared, as +though they had come up from the ground. They waded waist-deep in the +grass, in a compact body, bearing an improvised stretcher in their +midst. Instantly, in the emptiness of the landscape, a cry arose whose +shrillness pierced the still air like a sharp arrow flying straight to +the very heart of the land; and, as if by enchantment, streams of human +beings--of naked human beings--with spears in their hands, with bows, +with shields, with wild glances and savage movements, were poured into +the clearing by the dark-faced and pensive forest. The bushes shook, the +grass swayed for a time, and then everything stood still in attentive +immobility. + +"'Now, if he does not say the right thing to them we are all done for,' +said the Russian at my elbow. The knot of men with the stretcher had +stopped too, half-way to the steamer, as if petrified. I saw the man on +the stretcher sit up, lank and with an uplifted arm, above the shoulders +of the bearers. 'Let us hope that the man who can talk so well of love +in general will find some particular reason to spare us this time,' I +said. I resented bitterly the absurd danger of our situation, as if +to be at the mercy of that atrocious phantom had been a dishonoring +necessity. I could not hear a sound, but through my glasses I saw the +thin arm extended commandingly, the lower jaw moving, the eyes of +that apparition shining darkly far in its bony head that nodded with +grotesque jerks. Kurtz--Kurtz--that means short in German--don't it? +Well, the name was as true as everything else in his life--and death. +He looked at least seven feet long. His covering had fallen off, and his +body emerged from it pitiful and appalling as from a winding-sheet. I +could see the cage of his ribs all astir, the bones of his arm waving. +It was as though an animated image of death carved out of old ivory had +been shaking its hand with menaces at a motionless crowd of men made of +dark and glittering bronze. I saw him open his mouth wide--it gave him +a weirdly voracious aspect, as though he had wanted to swallow all the +air, all the earth, all the men before him. A deep voice reached +me faintly. He must have been shouting. He fell back suddenly. The +stretcher shook as the bearers staggered forward again, and almost at +the same time I noticed that the crowd of savages was vanishing without +any perceptible movement of retreat, as if the forest that had ejected +these beings so suddenly had drawn them in again as the breath is drawn +in a long aspiration. + +"Some of the pilgrims behind the stretcher carried his arms--two +shot-guns, a heavy rifle, and a light revolver-carbine--the thunderbolts +of that pitiful Jupiter. The manager bent over him murmuring as +he walked beside his head. They laid him down in one of the little +cabins--just a room for a bed-place and a camp-stool or two, you know. +We had brought his belated correspondence, and a lot of torn envelopes +and open letters littered his bed. His hand roamed feebly amongst these +papers. I was struck by the fire of his eyes and the composed languor of +his expression. It was not so much the exhaustion of disease. He did not +seem in pain. This shadow looked satiated and calm, as though for the +moment it had had its fill of all the emotions. + +"He rustled one of the letters, and looking straight in my face said, +'I am glad.' Somebody had been writing to him about me. These special +recommendations were turning up again. The volume of tone he emitted +without effort, almost without the trouble of moving his lips, amazed +me. A voice! a voice! It was grave, profound, vibrating, while the man +did not seem capable of a whisper. However, he had enough strength in +him--factitious no doubt--to very nearly make an end of us, as you shall +hear directly. + +"The manager appeared silently in the doorway; I stepped out at once +and he drew the curtain after me. The Russian, eyed curiously by the +pilgrims, was staring at the shore. I followed the direction of his +glance. + +"Dark human shapes could be made out in the distance, flitting +indistinctly against the gloomy border of the forest, and near the river +two bronze figures, leaning on tall spears, stood in the sunlight under +fantastic headdresses of spotted skins, warlike and still in statuesque +repose. And from right to left along the lighted shore moved a wild and +gorgeous apparition of a woman. + +"She walked with measured steps, draped in striped and fringed cloths, +treading the earth proudly, with a slight jingle and flash of barbarous +ornaments. She carried her head high; her hair was done in the shape of +a helmet; she had brass leggings to the knee, brass wire gauntlets to +the elbow, a crimson spot on her tawny cheek, innumerable necklaces of +glass beads on her neck; bizarre things, charms, gifts of witch-men, +that hung about her, glittered and trembled at every step. She must have +had the value of several elephant tusks upon her. She was savage and +superb, wild-eyed and magnificent; there was something ominous and +stately in her deliberate progress. And in the hush that had fallen +suddenly upon the whole sorrowful land, the immense wilderness, the +colossal body of the fecund and mysterious life seemed to look at her, +pensive, as though it had been looking at the image of its own tenebrous +and passionate soul. + +"She came abreast of the steamer, stood still, and faced us. Her long +shadow fell to the water's edge. Her face had a tragic and fierce +aspect of wild sorrow and of dumb pain mingled with the fear of some +struggling, half-shaped resolve. She stood looking at us without a +stir and like the wilderness itself, with an air of brooding over an +inscrutable purpose. A whole minute passed, and then she made a step +forward. There was a low jingle, a glint of yellow metal, a sway of +fringed draperies, and she stopped as if her heart had failed her. The +young fellow by my side growled. The pilgrims murmured at my back. +She looked at us all as if her life had depended upon the unswerving +steadiness of her glance. Suddenly she opened her bared arms and threw +them up rigid above her head, as though in an uncontrollable desire to +touch the sky, and at the same time the swift shadows darted out on the +earth, swept around on the river, gathering the steamer into a shadowy +embrace. A formidable silence hung over the scene. + +"She turned away slowly, walked on, following the bank, and passed into +the bushes to the left. Once only her eyes gleamed back at us in the +dusk of the thickets before she disappeared. + +"'If she had offered to come aboard I really think I would have tried to +shoot her,' said the man of patches, nervously. 'I had been risking my +life every day for the last fortnight to keep her out of the house. She +got in one day and kicked up a row about those miserable rags I picked +up in the storeroom to mend my clothes with. I wasn't decent. At least +it must have been that, for she talked like a fury to Kurtz for an hour, +pointing at me now and then. I don't understand the dialect of this +tribe. Luckily for me, I fancy Kurtz felt too ill that day to care, or +there would have been mischief. I don't understand. . . . No--it's too +much for me. Ah, well, it's all over now.' + +"At this moment I heard Kurtz's deep voice behind the curtain, 'Save +me!--save the ivory, you mean. Don't tell me. Save _me!_ Why, I've had +to save you. You are interrupting my plans now. Sick! Sick! Not so sick +as you would like to believe. Never mind. I'll carry my ideas out +yet--I will return. I'll show you what can be done. You with your little +peddling notions--you are interfering with me. I will return. I . . .' + +"The manager came out. He did me the honor to take me under the arm and +lead me aside. 'He is very low, very low,' he said. He considered it +necessary to sigh, but neglected to be consistently sorrowful. 'We have +done all we could for him--haven't we? But there is no disguising the +fact, Mr. Kurtz has done more harm than good to the Company. He did +not see the time was not ripe for vigorous action. Cautiously, +cautiously--that's my principle. We must be cautious yet. The district +is closed to us for a time. Deplorable! Upon the whole, the trade will +suffer. I don't deny there is a remarkable quantity of ivory--mostly +fossil. We must save it, at all events--but look how precarious the +position is--and why? Because the method is unsound.' 'Do you,' said I, +looking at the shore, 'call it "unsound method"?' 'Without doubt,' he +exclaimed, hotly. 'Don't you?' . . . 'No method at all,' I murmured +after a while. 'Exactly,' he exulted. 'I anticipated this. Shows a +complete want of judgment. It is my duty to point it out in the proper +quarter.' 'Oh,' said I, 'that fellow--what's his name?--the brickmaker, +will make a readable report for you.' He appeared confounded for a +moment. It seemed to me I had never breathed an atmosphere so vile, +and I turned mentally to Kurtz for relief--positively for relief. +'Nevertheless I think Mr. Kurtz is a remarkable man,' I said with +emphasis. He started, dropped on me a cold heavy glance, said very +quietly, 'He _was_,' and turned his back on me. My hour of favor was +over; I found myself lumped along with Kurtz as a partisan of methods +for which the time was not ripe: I was unsound! Ah! but it was something +to have at least a choice of nightmares. + +"I had turned to the wilderness really, not to Mr. Kurtz, who, I was +ready to admit, was as good as buried. And for a moment it seemed to me +as if I also were buried in a vast grave full of unspeakable secrets. I +felt an intolerable weight oppressing my breast, the smell of the damp +earth, the unseen presence of victorious corruption, the darkness of an +impenetrable night. . . . The Russian tapped me on the shoulder. I heard +him mumbling and stammering something about 'brother seaman--couldn't +conceal--knowledge of matters that would affect Mr. Kurtz's reputation.' +I waited. For him evidently Mr. Kurtz was not in his grave; I suspect +that for him Mr. Kurtz was one of the immortals. 'Well!' said I at last, +'speak out. As it happens, I am Mr. Kurtz's friend--in a way.' + +"He stated with a good deal of formality that had we not been 'of the +same profession,' he would have kept the matter to himself without +regard to consequences. 'He suspected there was an active ill-will +towards him on the part of these white men that--' 'You are right,' I +said, remembering a certain conversation I had overheard. 'The manager +thinks you ought to be hanged.' He showed a concern at this intelligence +which amused me at first. 'I had better get out of the way quietly,' he +said, earnestly. 'I can do no more for Kurtz now, and they would soon +find some excuse. What's to stop them? There's a military post three +hundred miles from here.' 'Well, upon my word,' said I, 'perhaps you +had better go if you have any friends amongst the savages near by.' +'Plenty,' he said. 'They are simple people--and I want nothing, you +know.' He stood biting his lips, then: 'I don't want any harm to happen +to these whites here, but of course I was thinking of Mr. Kurtz's +reputation--but you are a brother seaman and--' 'All right,' said I, +after a time. 'Mr. Kurtz's reputation is safe with me.' I did not know +how truly I spoke. + +"He informed me, lowering his voice, that it was Kurtz who had ordered +the attack to be made on the steamer. 'He hated sometimes the idea of +being taken away--and then again. . . . But I don't understand these +matters. I am a simple man. He thought it would scare you away--that you +would give it up, thinking him dead. I could not stop him. Oh, I had an +awful time of it this last month.' 'Very well,' I said. 'He is all right +now.' 'Ye-e-es,' he muttered, not very convinced apparently. 'Thanks,' +said I; 'I shall keep my eyes open.' 'But quiet--eh?' he urged, +anxiously. 'It would be awful for his reputation if anybody here--' I +promised a complete discretion with great gravity. 'I have a canoe and +three black fellows waiting not very far. I am off. Could you give me a +few Martini-Henry cartridges?' I could, and did, with proper secrecy. He +helped himself, with a wink at me, to a handful of my tobacco. 'Between +sailors--you know--good English tobacco.' At the door of the pilot-house +he turned round--' I say, haven't you a pair of shoes you could spare?' +He raised one leg. 'Look.' The soles were tied with knotted strings +sandal-wise under his bare feet. I rooted out an old pair, at which he +looked with admiration before tucking it under his left arm. One of his +pockets (bright red) was bulging with cartridges, from the other (dark +blue) peeped 'Towson's Inquiry,' &c., &c. He seemed to think himself +excellently well equipped for a renewed encounter with the wilderness. +'Ah! I'll never, never meet such a man again. You ought to have heard +him recite poetry--his own too it was, he told me. Poetry!' He rolled +his eyes at the recollection of these delights. 'Oh, he enlarged my +mind!' 'Goodby,' said I. He shook hands and vanished in the night. +Sometimes I ask myself whether I had ever really seen him--whether it +was possible to meet such a phenomenon! . . . + +"When I woke up shortly after midnight his warning came to my mind with +its hint of danger that seemed, in the starred darkness, real enough to +make me get up for the purpose of having a look round. On the hill a +big fire burned, illuminating fitfully a crooked corner of the +station-house. One of the agents with a picket of a few of our blacks, +armed for the purpose, was keeping guard over the ivory; but deep within +the forest, red gleams that wavered, that seemed to sink and rise from +the ground amongst confused columnar shapes of intense blackness, showed +the exact position of the camp where Mr. Kurtz's adorers were keeping +their uneasy vigil. The monotonous beating of a big drum filled the air +with muffled shocks and a lingering vibration. A steady droning sound of +many men chanting each to himself some weird incantation came out from +the black, flat wall of the woods as the humming of bees comes out of +a hive, and had a strange narcotic effect upon my half-awake senses. +I believe I dozed off leaning over the rail, till an abrupt burst of +yells, an overwhelming outbreak of a pent-up and mysterious frenzy, woke +me up in a bewildered wonder. It was cut short all at once, and the +low droning went on with an effect of audible and soothing silence. I +glanced casually into the little cabin. A light was burning within, but +Mr. Kurtz was not there. + +"I think I would have raised an outcry if I had believed my eyes. But I +didn't believe them at first--the thing seemed so impossible. The fact +is I was completely unnerved by a sheer blank fright, pure abstract +terror, unconnected with any distinct shape of physical danger. What +made this emotion so overpowering was--how shall I define it?--the moral +shock I received, as if something altogether monstrous, intolerable to +thought and odious to the soul, had been thrust upon me unexpectedly. +This lasted of course the merest fraction of a second, and then the +usual sense of commonplace, deadly danger, the possibility of a sudden +onslaught and massacre, or something of the kind, which I saw impending, +was positively welcome and composing. It pacified me, in fact, so much, +that I did not raise an alarm. + +"There was an agent buttoned up inside an ulster and sleeping on a chair +on deck within three feet of me. The yells had not awakened him; he +snored very slightly; I left him to his slumbers and leaped ashore. I +did not betray Mr. Kurtz--it was ordered I should never betray him--it +was written I should be loyal to the nightmare of my choice. I was +anxious to deal with this shadow by myself alone,--and to this day I +don't know why I was so jealous of sharing with anyone the peculiar +blackness of that experience. + +"As soon as I got on the bank I saw a trail--a broad trail through the +grass. I remember the exultation with which I said to myself, 'He can't +walk--he is crawling on all-fours--I've got him.' The grass was wet +with dew. I strode rapidly with clenched fists. I fancy I had some vague +notion of falling upon him and giving him a drubbing. I don't know. I +had some imbecile thoughts. The knitting old woman with the cat obtruded +herself upon my memory as a most improper person to be sitting at the +other end of such an affair. I saw a row of pilgrims squirting lead in +the air out of Winchesters held to the hip. I thought I would never get +back to the steamer, and imagined myself living alone and unarmed in the +woods to an advanced age. Such silly things--you know. And I remember +I confounded the beat of the drum with the beating of my heart, and was +pleased at its calm regularity. + +"I kept to the track though--then stopped to listen. The night was very +clear: a dark blue space, sparkling with dew and starlight, in which +black things stood very still. I thought I could see a kind of motion +ahead of me. I was strangely cocksure of everything that night. I +actually left the track and ran in a wide semicircle (I verily believe +chuckling to myself) so as to get in front of that stir, of that motion +I had seen--if indeed I had seen anything. I was circumventing Kurtz as +though it had been a boyish game. + +"I came upon him, and, if he had not heard me coming, I would have +fallen over him too, but he got up in time. He rose, unsteady, long, +pale, indistinct, like a vapor exhaled by the earth, and swayed +slightly, misty and silent before me; while at my back the fires loomed +between the trees, and the murmur of many voices issued from the forest. +I had cut him off cleverly; but when actually confronting him I seemed +to come to my senses, I saw the danger in its right proportion. It was +by no means over yet. Suppose he began to shout? Though he could hardly +stand, there was still plenty of vigor in his voice. 'Go away--hide +yourself,' he said, in that profound tone. It was very awful. I glanced +back. We were within thirty yards from the nearest fire. A black figure +stood up, strode on long black legs, waving long black arms, across the +glow. It had horns--antelope horns, I think--on its head. Some sorcerer, +some witch-man, no doubt: it looked fiend-like enough. 'Do you know what +you are doing?' I whispered. 'Perfectly,' he answered, raising his voice +for that single word: it sounded to me far off and yet loud, like a hail +through a speaking-trumpet. 'If he makes a row we are lost,' I thought +to myself. This clearly was not a case for fisticuffs, even apart from +the very natural aversion I had to beat that Shadow--this wandering and +tormented thing. 'You will be lost,' I said--'utterly lost.' One gets +sometimes such a flash of inspiration, you know. I did say the right +thing, though indeed he could not have been more irretrievably lost than +he was at this very moment, when the foundations of our intimacy were +being laid--to endure--to endure--even to the end--even beyond. + +"'I had immense plans,' he muttered irresolutely. 'Yes,' said I; 'but if +you try to shout I'll smash your head with--' There was not a stick or +a stone near. 'I will throttle you for good,' I corrected myself. 'I was +on the threshold of great things,' he pleaded, in a voice of longing, +with a wistfulness of tone that made my blood run cold. 'And now for +this stupid scoundrel--' 'Your success in Europe is assured in any +case,' I affirmed, steadily. I did not want to have the throttling of +him, you understand--and indeed it would have been very little use for +any practical purpose. I tried to break the spell--the heavy, mute spell +of the wilderness--that seemed to draw him to its pitiless breast by the +awakening of forgotten and brutal instincts, by the memory of gratified +and monstrous passions. This alone, I was convinced, had driven him out +to the edge of the forest, to the bush, towards the gleam of fires, the +throb of drums, the drone of weird incantations; this alone had beguiled +his unlawful soul beyond the bounds of permitted aspirations. And, don't +you see, the terror of the position was not in being knocked on the +head--though I had a very lively sense of that danger too--but in this, +that I had to deal with a being to whom I could not appeal in the +name of anything high or low. I had, even like the niggers, to invoke +him--himself his own exalted and incredible degradation. There was +nothing either above or below him, and I knew it. He had kicked himself +loose of the earth. Confound the man! he had kicked the very earth to +pieces. He was alone, and I before him did not know whether I stood +on the ground or floated in the air. I've been telling you what we +said--repeating the phrases we pronounced,--but what's the good? They +were common everyday words,--the familiar, vague sounds exchanged on +every waking day of life. But what of that? They had behind them, to my +mind, the terrific suggestiveness of words heard in dreams, of phrases +spoken in nightmares. Soul! If anybody had ever struggled with a soul, +I am the man. And I wasn't arguing with a lunatic either. Believe me +or not, his intelligence was perfectly clear--concentrated, it is true, +upon himself with horrible intensity, yet clear; and therein was my only +chance--barring, of course, the killing him there and then, which wasn't +so good, on account of unavoidable noise. But his soul was mad. Being +alone in the wilderness, it had looked within itself, and, by heavens! I +tell you, it had gone mad. I had--for my sins, I suppose--to go through +the ordeal of looking into it myself. No eloquence could have been so +withering to one's belief in mankind as his final burst of sincerity. +He struggled with himself, too. I saw it,--I heard it. I saw the +inconceivable mystery of a soul that knew no restraint, no faith, and +no fear, yet struggling blindly with itself. I kept my head pretty well; +but when I had him at last stretched on the couch, I wiped my forehead, +while my legs shook under me as though I had carried half a ton on my +back down that hill. And yet I had only supported him, his bony arm +clasped round my neck--and he was not much heavier than a child. + +"When next day we left at noon, the crowd, of whose presence behind the +curtain of trees I had been acutely conscious all the time, flowed out +of the woods again, filled the clearing, covered the slope with a mass +of naked, breathing, quivering, bronze bodies. I steamed up a bit, then +swung down-stream, and two thousand eyes followed the evolutions of +the splashing, thumping, fierce river-demon beating the water with its +terrible tail and breathing black smoke into the air. In front of the +first rank, along the river, three men, plastered with bright red earth +from head to foot, strutted to and fro restlessly. When we came abreast +again, they faced the river, stamped their feet, nodded their horned +heads, swayed their scarlet bodies; they shook towards the fierce +river-demon a bunch of black feathers, a mangy skin with a pendent +tail--something that looked like a dried gourd; they shouted +periodically together strings of amazing words that resembled no sounds +of human language; and the deep murmurs of the crowd, interrupted +suddenly, were like the response of some satanic litany. + +"We had carried Kurtz into the pilot-house: there was more air there. +Lying on the couch, he stared through the open shutter. There was an +eddy in the mass of human bodies, and the woman with helmeted head and +tawny cheeks rushed out to the very brink of the stream. She put out her +hands, shouted something, and all that wild mob took up the shout in a +roaring chorus of articulated, rapid, breathless utterance. + +"'Do you understand this?' I asked. + +"He kept on looking out past me with fiery, longing eyes, with a mingled +expression of wistfulness and hate. He made no answer, but I saw a +smile, a smile of indefinable meaning, appear on his colorless lips +that a moment after twitched convulsively. 'Do I not?' he said slowly, +gasping, as if the words had been torn out of him by a supernatural +power. + +"I pulled the string of the whistle, and I did this because I saw the +pilgrims on deck getting out their rifles with an air of anticipating a +jolly lark. At the sudden screech there was a movement of abject terror +through that wedged mass of bodies. 'Don't! Don't you frighten them +away,' cried someone on deck disconsolately. I pulled the string +time after time. They broke and ran, they leaped, they crouched, they +swerved, they dodged the flying terror of the sound. The three red chaps +had fallen flat, face down on the shore, as though they had been shot +dead. Only the barbarous and superb woman did not so much as flinch, +and stretched tragically her bare arms after us over the somber and +glittering river. + +"And then that imbecile crowd down on the deck started their little fun, +and I could see nothing more for smoke. + +"The brown current ran swiftly out of the heart of darkness, bearing us +down towards the sea with twice the speed of our upward progress; and +Kurtz's life was running swiftly too, ebbing, ebbing out of his heart +into the sea of inexorable time. The manager was very placid, he had +no vital anxieties now, he took us both in with a comprehensive and +satisfied glance: the 'affair' had come off as well as could be wished. +I saw the time approaching when I would be left alone of the party of +'unsound method.' The pilgrims looked upon me with disfavor. I was, +so to speak, numbered with the dead. It is strange how I accepted this +unforeseen partnership, this choice of nightmares forced upon me in the +tenebrous land invaded by these mean and greedy phantoms. + +"Kurtz discoursed. A voice! a voice! It rang deep to the very last. It +survived his strength to hide in the magnificent folds of eloquence the +barren darkness of his heart. Oh, he struggled! he struggled! The wastes +of his weary brain were haunted by shadowy images now--images of wealth +and fame revolving obsequiously round his unextinguishable gift of +noble and lofty expression. My Intended, my station, my career, my +ideas--these were the subjects for the occasional utterances of elevated +sentiments. The shade of the original Kurtz frequented the bedside of +the hollow sham, whose fate it was to be buried presently in the mold of +primeval earth. But both the diabolic love and the unearthly hate of +the mysteries it had penetrated fought for the possession of that +soul satiated with primitive emotions, avid of lying fame, of sham +distinction, of all the appearances of success and power. + +"Sometimes he was contemptibly childish. He desired to have kings meet +him at railway-stations on his return from some ghastly Nowhere, where +he intended to accomplish great things. 'You show them you have in you +something that is really profitable, and then there will be no limits to +the recognition of your ability,' he would say. 'Of course you must take +care of the motives--right motives--always.' The long reaches that were +like one and the same reach, monotonous bends that were exactly alike, +slipped past the steamer with their multitude of secular trees looking +patiently after this grimy fragment of another world, the forerunner +of change, of conquest, of trade, of massacres, of blessings. I looked +ahead--piloting. 'Close the shutter,' said Kurtz suddenly one day; 'I +can't bear to look at this.' I did so. There was a silence. 'Oh, but I +will wring your heart yet!' he cried at the invisible wilderness. + +"We broke down--as I had expected--and had to lie up for repairs at the +head of an island. This delay was the first thing that shook +Kurtz's confidence. One morning he gave me a packet of papers and a +photograph,--the lot tied together with a shoe-string. 'Keep this for +me,' he said. 'This noxious fool' (meaning the manager) 'is capable of +prying into my boxes when I am not looking.' In the afternoon I saw him. +He was lying on his back with closed eyes, and I withdrew quietly, but +I heard him mutter, 'Live rightly, die, die . . .' I listened. There was +nothing more. Was he rehearsing some speech in his sleep, or was it a +fragment of a phrase from some newspaper article? He had been writing +for the papers and meant to do so again, 'for the furthering of my +ideas. It's a duty.' + +"His was an impenetrable darkness. I looked at him as you peer down at +a man who is lying at the bottom of a precipice where the sun never +shines. But I had not much time to give him, because I was helping the +engine-driver to take to pieces the leaky cylinders, to straighten a +bent connecting-rod, and in other such matters. I lived in an +infernal mess of rust, filings, nuts, bolts, spanners, hammers, +ratchet-drills--things I abominate, because I don't get on with them. I +tended the little forge we fortunately had aboard; I toiled wearily in a +wretched scrap-heap--unless I had the shakes too bad to stand. + +"One evening coming in with a candle I was startled to hear him say a +little tremulously, 'I am lying here in the dark waiting for death.' +The light was within a foot of his eyes. I forced myself to murmur, 'Oh, +nonsense!' and stood over him as if transfixed. + +"Anything approaching the change that came over his features I have +never seen before, and hope never to see again. Oh, I wasn't touched. +I was fascinated. It was as though a veil had been rent. I saw on that +ivory face the expression of somber pride, of ruthless power, of craven +terror--of an intense and hopeless despair. Did he live his life again +in every detail of desire, temptation, and surrender during that supreme +moment of complete knowledge? He cried in a whisper at some image, at +some vision,--he cried out twice, a cry that was no more than a breath-- + +"'The horror! The horror!' + +"I blew the candle out and left the cabin. The pilgrims were dining in +the mess-room, and I took my place opposite the manager, who lifted his +eyes to give me a questioning glance, which I successfully ignored. +He leaned back, serene, with that peculiar smile of his sealing the +unexpressed depths of his meanness. A continuous shower of small flies +streamed upon the lamp, upon the cloth, upon our hands and faces. +Suddenly the manager's boy put his insolent black head in the doorway, +and said in a tone of scathing contempt-- + +"'Mistah Kurtz--he dead.' + +"All the pilgrims rushed out to see. I remained, and went on with my +dinner. I believe I was considered brutally callous. However, I did not +eat much. There was a lamp in there--light, don't you know--and outside +it was so beastly, beastly dark. I went no more near the remarkable man +who had pronounced a judgment upon the adventures of his soul on this +earth. The voice was gone. What else had been there? But I am of course +aware that next day the pilgrims buried something in a muddy hole. + +"And then they very nearly buried me. + +"However, as you see, I did not go to join Kurtz there and then. I did +not. I remained to dream the nightmare out to the end, and to show +my loyalty to Kurtz once more. Destiny. My destiny! Droll thing life +is--that mysterious arrangement of merciless logic for a futile purpose. +The most you can hope from it is some knowledge of yourself--that comes +too late--a crop of unextinguishable regrets. I have wrestled with +death. It is the most unexciting contest you can imagine. It takes place +in an impalpable grayness, with nothing underfoot, with nothing around, +without spectators, without clamor, without glory, without the great +desire of victory, without the great fear of defeat, in a sickly +atmosphere of tepid skepticism, without much belief in your own right, +and still less in that of your adversary. If such is the form of +ultimate wisdom, then life is a greater riddle than some of us think +it to be. I was within a hair's-breadth of the last opportunity for +pronouncement, and I found with humiliation that probably I would +have nothing to say. This is the reason why I affirm that Kurtz was a +remarkable man. He had something to say. He said it. Since I had peeped +over the edge myself, I understand better the meaning of his stare, that +could not see the flame of the candle, but was wide enough to embrace +the whole universe, piercing enough to penetrate all the hearts that +beat in the darkness. He had summed up--he had judged. 'The horror!' He +was a remarkable man. After all, this was the expression of some sort +of belief; it had candor, it had conviction, it had a vibrating note +of revolt in its whisper, it had the appalling face of a glimpsed +truth--the strange commingling of desire and hate. And it is not my own +extremity I remember best--a vision of grayness without form filled +with physical pain, and a careless contempt for the evanescence of all +things--even of this pain itself. No! It is his extremity that I seem to +have lived through. True, he had made that last stride, he had stepped +over the edge, while I had been permitted to draw back my hesitating +foot. And perhaps in this is the whole difference; perhaps all the +wisdom, and all truth, and all sincerity, are just compressed into that +inappreciable moment of time in which we step over the threshold of the +invisible. Perhaps! I like to think my summing-up would not have been +a word of careless contempt. Better his cry--much better. It was +an affirmation, a moral victory paid for by innumerable defeats, by +abominable terrors, by abominable satisfactions. But it was a victory! +That is why I have remained loyal to Kurtz to the last, and even beyond, +when a long time after I heard once more, not his own voice, but +the echo of his magnificent eloquence thrown to me from a soul as +translucently pure as a cliff of crystal. + +"No, they did not bury me, though there is a period of time which I +remember mistily, with a shuddering wonder, like a passage through some +inconceivable world that had no hope in it and no desire. I found myself +back in the sepulchral city resenting the sight of people hurrying +through the streets to filch a little money from each other, to devour +their infamous cookery, to gulp their unwholesome beer, to dream their +insignificant and silly dreams. They trespassed upon my thoughts. They +were intruders whose knowledge of life was to me an irritating pretense, +because I felt so sure they could not possibly know the things I knew. +Their bearing, which was simply the bearing of commonplace individuals +going about their business in the assurance of perfect safety, was +offensive to me like the outrageous flauntings of folly in the face of +a danger it is unable to comprehend. I had no particular desire to +enlighten them, but I had some difficulty in restraining myself from +laughing in their faces, so full of stupid importance. I dare say I was +not very well at that time. I tottered about the streets--there were +various affairs to settle--grinning bitterly at perfectly respectable +persons. I admit my behavior was inexcusable, but then my temperature +was seldom normal in these days. My dear aunt's endeavors to 'nurse up +my strength' seemed altogether beside the mark. It was not my strength +that wanted nursing, it was my imagination that wanted soothing. I kept +the bundle of papers given me by Kurtz, not knowing exactly what to do +with it. His mother had died lately, watched over, as I was told, by +his Intended. A clean-shaved man, with an official manner and wearing +gold-rimmed spectacles, called on me one day and made inquiries, at +first circuitous, afterwards suavely pressing, about what he was pleased +to denominate certain 'documents.' I was not surprised, because I had +had two rows with the manager on the subject out there. I had refused +to give up the smallest scrap out of that package, and I took the same +attitude with the spectacled man. He became darkly menacing at last, +and with much heat argued that the Company had the right to every bit +of information about its 'territories.' And, said he, 'Mr. Kurtz's +knowledge of unexplored regions must have been necessarily extensive +and peculiar--owing to his great abilities and to the deplorable +circumstances in which he had been placed: therefore'--I assured him Mr. +Kurtz's knowledge, however extensive, did not bear upon the problems +of commerce or administration. He invoked then the name of science. 'It +would be an incalculable loss if,' &c., &c. I offered him the report on +the 'Suppression of Savage Customs,' with the postscriptum torn off. He +took it up eagerly, but ended by sniffing at it with an air of contempt. +'This is not what we had a right to expect,' he remarked. 'Expect +nothing else,' I said. 'There are only private letters.' He withdrew +upon some threat of legal proceedings, and I saw him no more; but +another fellow, calling himself Kurtz's cousin, appeared two days later, +and was anxious to hear all the details about his dear relative's last +moments. Incidentally he gave me to understand that Kurtz had been +essentially a great musician. 'There was the making of an immense +success,' said the man, who was an organist, I believe, with lank gray +hair flowing over a greasy coat-collar. I had no reason to doubt +his statement; and to this day I am unable to say what was Kurtz's +profession, whether he ever had any--which was the greatest of his +talents. I had taken him for a painter who wrote for the papers, or else +for a journalist who could paint--but even the cousin (who took snuff +during the interview) could not tell me what he had been--exactly. He +was a universal genius--on that point I agreed with the old chap, who +thereupon blew his nose noisily into a large cotton handkerchief and +withdrew in senile agitation, bearing off some family letters and +memoranda without importance. Ultimately a journalist anxious to know +something of the fate of his 'dear colleague' turned up. This visitor +informed me Kurtz's proper sphere ought to have been politics 'on the +popular side.' He had furry straight eyebrows, bristly hair cropped +short, an eye-glass on a broad ribbon, and, becoming expansive, +confessed his opinion that Kurtz really couldn't write a bit--'but +heavens! how that man could talk! He electrified large meetings. He had +faith--don't you see?--he had the faith. He could get himself to believe +anything--anything. He would have been a splendid leader of an extreme +party.' 'What party?' I asked. 'Any party,' answered the other. 'He +was an--an--extremist.' Did I not think so? I assented. Did I know, he +asked, with a sudden flash of curiosity, 'what it was that had induced +him to go out there?' 'Yes,' said I, and forthwith handed him the +famous Report for publication, if he thought fit. He glanced through it +hurriedly, mumbling all the time, judged 'it would do,' and took himself +off with this plunder. + +"Thus I was left at last with a slim packet of letters and the girl's +portrait. She struck me as beautiful--I mean she had a beautiful +expression. I know that the sunlight can be made to lie too, yet one +felt that no manipulation of light and pose could have conveyed the +delicate shade of truthfulness upon those features. She seemed ready to +listen without mental reservation, without suspicion, without a thought +for herself. I concluded I would go and give her back her portrait +and those letters myself. Curiosity? Yes; and also some other feeling +perhaps. All that had been Kurtz's had passed out of my hands: his soul, +his body, his station, his plans, his ivory, his career. There remained +only his memory and his Intended--and I wanted to give that up too to +the past, in a way,--to surrender personally all that remained of him +with me to that oblivion which is the last word of our common fate. I +don't defend myself. I had no clear perception of what it was I really +wanted. Perhaps it was an impulse of unconscious loyalty, or the +fulfillment of one of these ironic necessities that lurk in the facts of +human existence. I don't know. I can't tell. But I went. + +"I thought his memory was like the other memories of the dead that +accumulate in every man's life,--a vague impress on the brain of shadows +that had fallen on it in their swift and final passage; but before the +high and ponderous door, between the tall houses of a street as still +and decorous as a well-kept alley in a cemetery, I had a vision of him +on the stretcher, opening his mouth voraciously, as if to devour all the +earth with all its mankind. He lived then before me; he lived as much +as he had ever lived--a shadow insatiable of splendid appearances, of +frightful realities; a shadow darker than the shadow of the night, and +draped nobly in the folds of a gorgeous eloquence. The vision seemed to +enter the house with me--the stretcher, the phantom-bearers, the wild +crowd of obedient worshipers, the gloom of the forests, the glitter of +the reach between the murky bends, the beat of the drum, regular and +muffled like the beating of a heart--the heart of a conquering darkness. +It was a moment of triumph for the wilderness, an invading and vengeful +rush which, it seemed to me, I would have to keep back alone for the +salvation of another soul. And the memory of what I had heard him say +afar there, with the horned shapes stirring at my back, in the glow of +fires, within the patient woods, those broken phrases came back to +me, were heard again in their ominous and terrifying simplicity. I +remembered his abject pleading, his abject threats, the colossal scale +of his vile desires, the meanness, the torment, the tempestuous anguish +of his soul. And later on I seemed to see his collected languid manner, +when he said one day, 'This lot of ivory now is really mine. The Company +did not pay for it. I collected it myself at a very great personal risk. +I am afraid they will try to claim it as theirs though. H'm. It is a +difficult case. What do you think I ought to do--resist? Eh? I want no +more than justice.' . . . He wanted no more than justice--no more than +justice. I rang the bell before a mahogany door on the first floor, and +while I waited he seemed to stare at me out of the glassy panel--stare +with that wide and immense stare embracing, condemning, loathing all the +universe. I seemed to hear the whispered cry, 'The horror! The horror!' + +"The dusk was falling. I had to wait in a lofty drawing-room with three +long windows from floor to ceiling that were like three luminous and +bedraped columns. The bent gilt legs and backs of the furniture shone in +indistinct curves. The tall marble fireplace had a cold and monumental +whiteness. A grand piano stood massively in a corner, with dark gleams +on the flat surfaces like a somber and polished sarcophagus. A high door +opened--closed. I rose. + +"She came forward, all in black, with a pale head, floating towards +me in the dusk. She was in mourning. It was more than a year since his +death, more than a year since the news came; she seemed as though she +would remember and mourn for ever. She took both my hands in hers and +murmured, 'I had heard you were coming.' I noticed she was not very +young--I mean not girlish. She had a mature capacity for fidelity, for +belief, for suffering. The room seemed to have grown darker, as if all +the sad light of the cloudy evening had taken refuge on her forehead. +This fair hair, this pale visage, this pure brow, seemed surrounded by +an ashy halo from which the dark eyes looked out at me. Their glance was +guileless, profound, confident, and trustful. She carried her sorrowful +head as though she were proud of that sorrow, as though she would say, +'I--I alone know how to mourn for him as he deserves.' But while we were +still shaking hands, such a look of awful desolation came upon her +face that I perceived she was one of those creatures that are not the +playthings of Time. For her he had died only yesterday. And, by Jove! +the impression was so powerful that for me too he seemed to have died +only yesterday--nay, this very minute. I saw her and him in the same +instant of time--his death and her sorrow--I saw her sorrow in the very +moment of his death. Do you understand? I saw them together--I heard +them together. She had said, with a deep catch of the breath, 'I have +survived;' while my strained ears seemed to hear distinctly, mingled +with her tone of despairing regret, the summing-up whisper of his +eternal condemnation. I asked myself what I was doing there, with a +sensation of panic in my heart as though I had blundered into a place +of cruel and absurd mysteries not fit for a human being to behold. She +motioned me to a chair. We sat down. I laid the packet gently on the +little table, and she put her hand over it. . . . 'You knew him well,' +she murmured, after a moment of mourning silence. + +"'Intimacy grows quick out there,' I said. 'I knew him as well as it is +possible for one man to know another.' + +"'And you admired him,' she said. 'It was impossible to know him and not +to admire him. Was it?' + +"'He was a remarkable man,' I said, unsteadily. Then before the +appealing fixity of her gaze, that seemed to watch for more words on my +lips, I went on, 'It was impossible not to--' + +"'Love him,' she finished eagerly, silencing me into an appalled +dumbness. 'How true! how true! But when you think that no one knew him +so well as I! I had all his noble confidence. I knew him best.' + +"'You knew him best,' I repeated. And perhaps she did. But with every +word spoken the room was growing darker, and only her forehead, smooth +and white, remained illumined by the unextinguishable light of belief +and love. + +"'You were his friend,' she went on. 'His friend,' she repeated, a +little louder. 'You must have been, if he had given you this, and sent +you to me. I feel I can speak to you--and oh! I must speak. I want +you--you who have heard his last words--to know I have been worthy of +him. . . . It is not pride. . . . Yes! I am proud to know I understood +him better than anyone on earth--he told me so himself. And since his +mother died I have had no one--no one--to--to--' + +"I listened. The darkness deepened. I was not even sure whether he had +given me the right bundle. I rather suspect he wanted me to take care +of another batch of his papers which, after his death, I saw the manager +examining under the lamp. And the girl talked, easing her pain in the +certitude of my sympathy; she talked as thirsty men drink. I had heard +that her engagement with Kurtz had been disapproved by her people. He +wasn't rich enough or something. And indeed I don't know whether he had +not been a pauper all his life. He had given me some reason to infer +that it was his impatience of comparative poverty that drove him out +there. + +"'. . . Who was not his friend who had heard him speak once?' she was +saying. 'He drew men towards him by what was best in them.' She looked +at me with intensity. 'It is the gift of the great,' she went on, and +the sound of her low voice seemed to have the accompaniment of all +the other sounds, full of mystery, desolation, and sorrow, I had ever +heard--the ripple of the river, the soughing of the trees swayed by the +wind, the murmurs of wild crowds, the faint ring of incomprehensible +words cried from afar, the whisper of a voice speaking from beyond the +threshold of an eternal darkness. 'But you have heard him! You know!' +she cried. + +"'Yes, I know,' I said with something like despair in my heart, but +bowing my head before the faith that was in her, before that great and +saving illusion that shone with an unearthly glow in the darkness, in +the triumphant darkness from which I could not have defended her--from +which I could not even defend myself. + +"'What a loss to me--to us!'--she corrected herself with beautiful +generosity; then added in a murmur, 'To the world.' By the last gleams +of twilight I could see the glitter of her eyes, full of tears--of tears +that would not fall. + +"'I have been very happy--very fortunate--very proud,' she went on. 'Too +fortunate. Too happy for a little while. And now I am unhappy for--for +life.' + +"She stood up; her fair hair seemed to catch all the remaining light in +a glimmer of gold. I rose too. + +"'And of all this,' she went on, mournfully, 'of all his promise, and +of all his greatness, of his generous mind, of his noble heart, nothing +remains--nothing but a memory. You and I--' + +"'We shall always remember him,' I said, hastily. + +"'No!' she cried. 'It is impossible that all this should be lost--that +such a life should be sacrificed to leave nothing--but sorrow. You +know what vast plans he had. I knew of them too--I could not perhaps +understand,--but others knew of them. Something must remain. His words, +at least, have not died.' + +"'His words will remain,' I said. + +"'And his example,' she whispered to herself. 'Men looked up to +him,--his goodness shone in every act. His example--' + +"'True,' I said; 'his example too. Yes, his example. I forgot that.' + +"'But I do not. I cannot--I cannot believe--not yet. I cannot believe +that I shall never see him again, that nobody will see him again, never, +never, never.' + +"She put out her arms as if after a retreating figure, stretching them +black and with clasped pale hands across the fading and narrow sheen of +the window. Never see him! I saw him clearly enough then. I shall see +this eloquent phantom as long as I live, and I shall see her too, a +tragic and familiar Shade, resembling in this gesture another one, +tragic also, and bedecked with powerless charms, stretching bare brown +arms over the glitter of the infernal stream, the stream of darkness. +She said suddenly very low, 'He died as he lived.' + +"'His end,' said I, with dull anger stirring in me, 'was in every way +worthy of his life.' + +"'And I was not with him,' she murmured. My anger subsided before a +feeling of infinite pity. + +"'Everything that could be done--' I mumbled. + +"'Ah, but I believed in him more than anyone on earth--more than his +own mother, more than--himself. He needed me! Me! I would have treasured +every sigh, every word, every sign, every glance.' + +"I felt like a chill grip on my chest. 'Don't,' I said, in a muffled +voice. + +"'Forgive me. I--I--have mourned so long in silence--in silence. . . . +You were with him--to the last? I think of his loneliness. Nobody near +to understand him as I would have understood. Perhaps no one to +hear. . . .' + +"'To the very end,' I said, shakily. 'I heard his very last words. . . .' +I stopped in a fright. + +"'Repeat them,' she said in a heart-broken tone. 'I want--I +want--something--something--to--to live with.' + +"I was on the point of crying at her, 'Don't you hear them?' The dusk +was repeating them in a persistent whisper all around us, in a whisper +that seemed to swell menacingly like the first whisper of a rising wind. +'The horror! The horror!' + +"'His last word--to live with,' she murmured. 'Don't you understand I +loved him--I loved him--I loved him!' + +"I pulled myself together and spoke slowly. + +"'The last word he pronounced was--your name.' + +"I heard a light sigh, and then my heart stood still, stopped dead short +by an exulting and terrible cry, by the cry of inconceivable triumph and +of unspeakable pain. 'I knew it--I was sure!' . . . She knew. She was +sure. I heard her weeping; she had hidden her face in her hands. It +seemed to me that the house would collapse before I could escape, that +the heavens would fall upon my head. But nothing happened. The heavens +do not fall for such a trifle. Would they have fallen, I wonder, if I +had rendered Kurtz that justice which was his due? Hadn't he said he +wanted only justice? But I couldn't. I could not tell her. It would have +been too dark--too dark altogether. . . ." + +Marlow ceased, and sat apart, indistinct and silent, in the pose of a +meditating Buddha. Nobody moved for a time. "We have lost the first of +the ebb," said the Director, suddenly. I raised my head. The offing was +barred by a black bank of clouds, and the tranquil waterway leading +to the uttermost ends of the earth flowed somber under an overcast +sky--seemed to lead into the heart of an immense darkness. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Heart of Darkness, by Joseph Conrad + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HEART OF DARKNESS *** + +***** This file should be named 526.txt or 526.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/5/2/526/ + +Produced by Judith Boss and David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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The flood +had made, the wind was nearly calm, and being bound +down the river, the only thing for it was to come to +and wait for the turn of the tide. + +The sea-reach of the Thames stretched before us like +the beginning of an interminable waterway. In the +offing the sea and the sky were welded together without +a joint, and in the luminous space the tanned sails of +the barges drifting up with the tide seemed to stand +still in red clusters of canvas sharply peaked, with +gleams of varnished sprits. A haze rested on the low +shores that ran out to sea in vanishing flatness. The +air was dark above Gravesend, and farther back still +seemed condensed into a mournful gloom, brooding mo- +tionless over the biggest, and the greatest, town on earth. + +The Director of Companies was our captain and our +host. We four affectionately watched his back as he +stood in the bows looking to seaward. On the whole +river there was nothing that looked half so nautical. He +resembled a pilot, which to a seaman is trustworthiness +personified. It was difficult to realize his work was not +out there in the luminous estuary, but behind him, within +the brooding gloom. + +Between us there was, as I have already said some- +where, the bond of the sea. Besides holding our hearts +together through long periods of separation, it had the +effect of making us tolerant of each other's yarns--and +even convictions. The Lawyer--the best of old fellows +--had, because of his many years and many virtues, the +only cushion on deck, and was lying on the only rug. +The Accountant had brought out already a box of +dominoes, and was toying architecturally with the bones. +Marlow sat cross-legged right aft, leaning against the +mizzen-mast. He had sunken cheeks, a yellow complex- +ion, a straight back, an ascetic aspect, and, with his +arms dropped, the palms of hands outwards, resembled +an idol. The Director, satisfied the anchor had good +hold, made his way aft and sat down amongst us. We +exchanged a few words lazily. Afterwards there was +silence on board the yacht. For some reason or other +we did not begin that game of dominoes. We felt medi- +tative, and fit for nothing but placid staring. The day +was ending in a serenity of still and exquisite brilliance. +The water shone pacifically; the sky, without a speck, +was a benign immensity of unstained light; the very +mist on the Essex marshes was like a gauzy and radiant +fabric, hung from the wooded rises inland, and draping +the low shores in diaphanous folds. Only the gloom to +the west, brooding over the upper reaches, became more +somber every minute, as if angered by the approach +of the sun. + +And at last, in its curved and imperceptible fall, the +sun sank low, and from glowing white changed to a +dull red without rays and without heat, as if about to +go out suddenly, stricken to death by the touch of that +gloom brooding over a crowd of men. + +Forthwith a change came over the waters, and the +serenity became less brilliant but more profound. The +old river in its broad reach rested unruffled at the decline +of day, after ages of good service done to the race that +peopled its banks, spread out in the tranquil dignity of +a waterway leading to the uttermost ends of the earth. +We looked at the venerable stream not in the vivid flush +of a short day that comes and departs for ever, but in +the august light of abiding memories. And indeed +nothing is easier for a man who has, as the phrase goes, +"followed the sea" with reverence and affection, than +to evoke the great spirit of the past upon the lower +reaches of the Thames. The tidal current runs to and +fro in its unceasing service, crowded with memories of +men and ships it had borne to the rest of home or to the +battles of the sea. It had known and served all the +men of whom the nation is proud, from Sir Francis +Drake to Sir John Franklin, knights all, titled and un- +titled--the great knights-errant of the sea. It had +borne all the ships whose names are like jewels flashing +in the night of time, from the Golden Hind returning +with her round flanks full of treasure, to be visited by +the Queen's Highness and thus pass out of the gigantic +tale, to the Erebus and Terror, bound on other conquests +--and that never returned. It had known the ships and +the men. They had sailed from Deptford, from Green- +wich, from Erith--the adventurers and the settlers; +kings' ships and the ships of men on 'Change; captains, +admirals, the dark "interlopers" of the Eastern trade, +and the commissioned "generals" of East India fleets. +Hunters for gold or pursuers of fame, they all had gone +out on that stream, bearing the sword, and often the +torch, messengers of the might within the land, bearers +of a spark from the sacred fire. What greatness had +not floated on the ebb of that river into the mystery of +an unknown earth! . . . The dreams of men, the seed +of commonwealths, the germs of empires. + +The sun set; the dusk fell on the stream, and lights +began to appear along the shore. The Chapman light- +house, a three-legged thing erect on a mud-flat, shone +strongly. Lights of ships moved in the fairway--a +great stir of lights going up and going down. And +farther west on the upper reaches the place of the mon- +strous town was still marked ominously on the sky, a +brooding gloom in sunshine, a lurid glare under the +stars. + +"And this also," said Marlow suddenly, "has been +one of the dark places of the earth." + +He was the only man of us who still "followed the +sea." The worst that could be said of him was that +he did not represent his class. He was a seaman, but he +was a wanderer, too, while most seamen lead, if one may +so express it, a sedentary life. Their minds are of the +stay-at-home order, and their home is always with them +--the ship; and so is their country--the sea. One ship +is very much like another, and the sea is always the same. +In the immutability of their surroundings the foreign +shores, the foreign faces, the changing immensity of life, +glide past, veiled not by a sense of mystery but by a +slightly disdainful ignorance; for there is nothing mys- +terious to a seaman unless it be the sea itself, which is +the mistress of his existence and as inscrutable as Destiny. +For the rest, after his hours of work, a casual stroll or +a casual spree on shore suffices to unfold for him the +secret of a whole continent, and generally he finds the +secret not worth knowing. The yarns of seamen have a +direct simplicity, the whole meaning of which lies within +the shell of a cracked nut. But Marlow was not typical +(if his propensity to spin yarns be excepted), and to +him the meaning of an episode was not inside like a +kernel but outside, enveloping the tale which brought it +out only as a glow brings out a haze, in the likeness of +one of these misty halos that sometimes are made visible +by the spectral illumination of moonshine. + +His remark did not seem at all surprising. It was +just like Marlow. It was accepted in silence. No one +took the trouble to grunt even; and presently he said, +very slow-- + +"I was thinking of very old times, when the Romans +first came here, nineteen hundred years ago--the other +day. . . . Light came out of this river since--you +say Knights? Yes; but it is like a running blaze on a +plain, like a flash of lightning in the clouds. We live +in the flicker--may it last as long as the old earth keeps +rolling! But darkness was here yesterday. Imagine +the feelings of a commander of a fine--what d'ye call +'em?--trireme in the Mediterranean, ordered suddenly +to the north; run overland across the Gauls in a hurry; +put in charge of one of these craft the legionaries,--a +wonderful lot of handy men they must have been too-- +used to build, apparently by the hundred, in a month +or two, if we may believe what we read. Imagine him +here--the very end of the world, a sea the color of lead, +a sky the color of smoke, a kind of ship about as rigid +as a concertina--and going up this river with stores, or +orders, or what you like. Sandbanks, marshes, forests, +savages,--precious little to eat fit for a civilized man, +nothing but Thames water to drink. No Falernian wine +here, no going ashore. Here and there a military camp +lost in a wilderness, like a needle in a bundle of hay-- +cold, fog, tempests, disease, exile, and death,--death +skulking in the air, in the water, in the bush. They +must have been dying like flies here. Oh yes--he did it. +Did it very well, too, no doubt, and without thinking +much about it either, except afterwards to brag of what +he had gone through in his time, perhaps. They were +men enough to face the darkness. And perhaps he was +cheered by keeping his eye on a chance of promotion to +the fleet at Ravenna by-and-by, if he had good friends +in Rome and survived the awful climate. Or think of +a decent young citizen in a toga--perhaps too much +dice, you know--coming out here in the train of some +prefect, or tax-gatherer, or trader even, to mend his +fortunes. Land in a swamp, march through the woods, +and in some inland post feel the savagery, the utter +savagery, had closed round him,--all that mysterious +life of the wilderness that stirs in the forest, in the +jungles, in the hearts of wild men. There's no initiation +either into such mysteries. He has to live in the midst +of the incomprehensible, which is also detestable. And +it has a fascination, too, that goes to work upon him. +The fascination of the abomination--you know. +Imagine the growing regrets, the longing to escape, the +powerless disgust, the surrender, the hate." + +He paused. + +"Mind," he began again, lifting one arm from the +elbow, the palm of the hand outwards, so that, with his +legs folded before him, he had the pose of a Buddha +preaching in European clothes and without a lotus- +flower--"Mind, none of us would feel exactly like this. +What saves us is efficiency--the devotion to efficiency. +But these chaps were not much account, really. They +were no colonists; their administration was merely a +squeeze, and nothing more, I suspect. They were con- +querors, and for that you want only brute force--nothing +to boast of, when you have it, since your strength is +just an accident arising from the weakness of others. +They grabbed what they could get for the sake of what +was to be got. It was just robbery with violence, aggra- +vated murder on a great scale, and men going at it blind +--as is very proper for those who tackle a darkness. The +conquest of the earth, which mostly means the taking +it away from those who have a different complexion or +slightly flatter noses than ourselves, is not a pretty thing +when you look into it too much. What redeems it is the +idea only. An idea at the back of it; not a sentimental +pretense but an idea; and an unselfish belief in the idea +--something you can set up, and bow down before, and +offer a sacrifice to. . . ." + +He broke off. Flames glided in the river, small green +flames, red flames, white flames, pursuing, overtaking, +joining, crossing each other--then separating slowly or +hastily. The traffic of the great city went on in the +deepening night upon the sleepless river. We looked +on, waiting patiently--there was nothing else to do till +the end of the flood; but it was only after a long silence, +when he said, in a hesitating voice, "I suppose you fel- +lows remember I did once turn fresh-water sailor for a +bit," that we knew we were fated, before the ebb began +to run, to hear about one of Marlow's inconclusive ex- +periences. + +"I don't want to bother you much with what hap- +pened to me personally," he began, showing in this re- +mark the weakness of many tellers of tales who seem +so often unaware of what their audience would best like +to hear; "yet to understand the effect of it on me you +ought to know how I got out there, what I saw, how I +went up that river to the place where I first met the +poor chap. It was the farthest point of navigation and +the culminating point of my experience. It seemed some- +how to throw a kind of light on everything about me-- +and into my thoughts. It was somber enough too--and +pitiful--not extraordinary in any way--not very clear +either. No, not very clear. And yet it seemed to throw +a kind of light. + +"I had then, as you remember, just returned to Lon- +don after a lot of Indian Ocean, Pacific, China Seas-- +a regular dose of the East--six years or so, and I was +loafing about, hindering you fellows in your work and +invading your homes, just as though I had got a +heavenly mission to civilize you. It was very fine for +a time, but after a bit I did get tired of resting. Then +I began to look for a ship--I should think the hardest +work on earth. But the ships wouldn't even look at me. +And I got tired of that game too. + +"Now when I was a little chap I had a passion for +maps. I would look for hours at South America, or +Africa, or Australia, and lose myself in all the glories +of exploration. At that time there were many blank +spaces on the earth, and when I saw one that looked +particularly inviting on a map (but they all look that) +I would put my finger on it and say, When I grow up +I will go there. The North Pole was one of these places, +I remember. Well, I haven't been there yet, and shall +not try now. The glamour's off. Other places were +scattered about the Equator, and in every sort of lati- +tude all over the two hemispheres. I have been in some +of them, and . . . well, we won't talk about that. But +there was one yet--the biggest, the most blank, so to +speak--that I had a hankering after. + +"True, by this time it was not a blank space any +more. It had got filled since my boyhood with rivers +and lakes and names. It had ceased to be a blank space +of delightful mystery--a white patch for a boy to dream +gloriously over. It had become a place of darkness. But +there was in it one river especially, a mighty big river, +that you could see on the map, resembling an immense +snake uncoiled, with its head in the sea, its body at +rest curving afar over a vast country, and its tail lost +in the depths of the land. And as I looked at the map +of it in a shop-window, it fascinated me as a snake would +a bird--a silly little bird. Then I remembered there was +a big concern, a Company for trade on that river. Dash +it all! I thought to myself, they can't trade without +using some kind of craft on that lot of fresh water-- +steamboats! Why shouldn't I try to get charge of +one. I went on along Fleet Street, but could not shake +off the idea. The snake had charmed me. + +"You understand it was a Continental concern, that +Trading society; but I have a lot of relations living +on the Continent, because it's cheap and not so nasty +as it looks, they say. + +"I am sorry to own I began to worry them. This was +already a fresh departure for me. I was not used to +get things that way, you know. I always went my own +road and on my own legs where I had a mind to go. I +wouldn't have believed it of myself; but, then--you see +--I felt somehow I must get there by hook or by crook. +So I worried them. The men said 'My dear fellow,' and +did nothing. Then--would you believe it?--I tried the +women. I, Charlie Marlow, set the women to work--to +get a job. Heavens! Well, you see, the notion drove +me. I had an aunt, a dear enthusiastic soul. She wrote: +'It will be delightful. I am ready to do anything, any- +thing for you. It is a glorious idea. I know the wife +of a very high personage in the Administration, and +also a man who has lots of influence with,' &c., &c. She +was determined to make no end of fuss to get me ap- +pointed skipper of a river steamboat, if such was my +fancy. + +"I got my appointment--of course; and I got it very +quick. It appears the Company had received news that +one of their captains had been killed in a scuffle with +the natives. This was my chance, and it made me the +more anxious to go. It was only months and months +afterwards, when I made the attempt to recover what +was left of the body, that I heard the original quarrel +arose from a misunderstanding about some hens. Yes, +two black hens. Fresleven--that was the fellow's name, +a Dane--thought himself wronged somehow in the bar- +gain, so he went ashore and started to hammer the chief +of the village with a stick. Oh, it didn't surprise me +in the least to hear this, and at the same time to be told +that Fresleven was the gentlest, quietest creature that +ever walked on two legs. No doubt he was; but he +had been a couple of years already out there engaged +in the noble cause, you know, and he probably felt the +need at last of asserting his self-respect in some way. +Therefore he whacked the old nigger mercilessly, while +a big crowd of his people watched him, thunderstruck, +till some man,--I was told the chief's son,--in despera- +tion at hearing the old chap yell, made a tentative jab +with a spear at the white man--and of course it went +quite easy between the shoulder-blades. Then the whole +population cleared into the forest, expecting all kinds +of calamities to happen, while, on the other hand, the +steamer Fresleven commanded left also in a bad panic, +in charge of the engineer, I believe. Afterwards nobody +seemed to trouble much about Fresleven's remains, till +I got out and stepped into his shoes. I couldn't let +it rest, though; but when an opportunity offered at last +to meet my predecessor, the grass growing through his +ribs was tall enough to hide his bones. They were all +there. The supernatural being had not been touched +after he fell. And the village was deserted, the huts +gaped black, rotting, all askew within the fallen en- +closures. A calamity had come to it, sure enough. The +people had vanished. Mad terror had scattered them, +men, women, and children, through the bush, and they +had never returned. What became of the hens I don't +know either. I should think the cause of progress got +them, anyhow. However, through this glorious affair I +got my appointment, before I had fairly begun to hope +for it. + +"I flew around like mad to get ready, and before forty- +eight hours I was crossing the Channel to show myself +to my employers, and sign the contract. In a very few +hours I arrived in a city that always makes me think of +a whited sepulcher. Prejudice no doubt. I had no +difficulty in finding the Company's offices. It was the +biggest thing in the town, and everybody I met was +full of it. They were going to run an over-sea empire, +and make no end of coin by trade. + +"A narrow and deserted street in deep shadow, high +houses, innumerable windows with venetian blinds, a dead +silence, grass sprouting between the stones, imposing +carriage archways right and left, immense double doors +standing ponderously ajar. I slipped through one of +these cracks, went up a swept and ungarnished staircase, +as arid as a desert, and opened the first door I came to. +Two women, one fat and the other slim, sat on straw- +bottomed chairs, knitting black wool. The slim one got +up and walked straight at me--still knitting with down- +cast eyes--and only just as I began to think of getting +out of her way, as you would for a somnambulist, stood +still, and looked up. Her dress was as plain as an um- +brella-cover, and she turned round without a word and +preceded me into a waiting-room. I gave my name, and +looked about. Deal table in the middle, plain chairs all +round the walls, on one end a large shining map, marked +with all the colors of a rainbow. There was a vast +amount of red--good to see at any time, because one +knows that some real work is done in there, a deuce of a +lot of blue, a little green, smears of orange, and, on the +East Coast, a purple patch, to show where the jolly +pioneers of progress drink the jolly lager-beer. How- +ever, I wasn't going into any of these. I was going +into the yellow. Dead in the center. And the river +was there--fascinating--deadly--like a snake. Ough! +A door opened, a white-haired secretarial head, but +wearing a compassionate expression, appeared, and a +skinny forefinger beckoned me into the sanctuary. Its +light was dim, and a heavy writing-desk squatted in the +middle. From behind that structure came out an im- +pression of pale plumpness in a frock-coat. The great +man himself. He was five feet six, I should judge, and +had his grip on the handle-end of ever so many millions. +He shook hands, I fancy, murmured vaguely, was satis- +fied with my French. Bon voyage. + +"In about forty-five seconds I found myself again in +the waiting-room with the compassionate secretary, who, +full of desolation and sympathy, made me sign some +document. I believe I undertook amongst other things +not to disclose any trade secrets. Well, I am not going +to. + +"I began to feel slightly uneasy. You know I am +not used to such ceremonies, and there was something +ominous in the atmosphere. It was just as though I +had been let into some conspiracy--I don't know--some- +thing not quite right; and I was glad to get out. In +the outer room the two women knitted black wool fever- +ishly. People were arriving, and the younger one was +walking back and forth introducing them. The old +one sat on her chair. Her flat cloth slippers were +propped up on a foot-warmer, and a cat reposed on +her lap. She wore a starched white affair on her head, +had a wart on one cheek, and silver-rimmed spectacles +hung on the tip of her nose. She glanced at me above +the glasses. The swift and indifferent placidity of that +look troubled me. Two youths with foolish and cheery +countenances were being piloted over, and she threw at +them the same quick glance of unconcerned wisdom. She +seemed to know all about them and about me too. An +eerie feeling came over me. She seemed uncanny and +fateful. Often far away there I thought of these two, +guarding the door of Darkness, knitting black wool as +for a warm pall, one introducing, introducing continu- +ously to the unknown, the other scrutinizing the cheery +and foolish faces with unconcerned old eyes. Ave! Old +knitter of black wool. Morituri te salutant. Not many +of those she looked at ever saw her again--not half, +by a long way. + +"There was yet a visit to the doctor. 'A simple for- +mality,' assured me the secretary, with an air of taking +an immense part in all my sorrows. Accordingly a +young chap wearing his hat over the left eyebrow, some +clerk I suppose,--there must have been clerks in the busi- +ness, though the house was as still as a house in a city +of the dead,--came from somewhere up-stairs, and led +me forth. He was shabby and careless, with ink-stains +on the sleeves of his jacket, and his cravat was large and +billowy, under a chin shaped like the toe of an old boot. +It was a little too early for the doctor, so I proposed +a drink, and thereupon he developed a vein of joviality. +As we sat over our vermouths he glorified the Company's +business, and by-and-by I expressed casually my sur- +prise at him not going out there. He became very cool +and collected all at once. 'I am not such a fool as I +look, quoth Plato to his disciples,' he said sententiously, +emptied his glass with great resolution, and we rose. + +"The old doctor felt my pulse, evidently thinking of +something else the while. 'Good, good for there,' he +mumbled, and then with a certain eagerness asked me +whether I would let him measure my head. Rather sur- +prised, I said Yes, when he produced a thing like calipers +and got the dimensions back and front and every way, +taking notes carefully. He was an unshaven little man +in a threadbare coat like a gaberdine, with his feet in +slippers, and I thought him a harmless fool. 'I always +ask leave, in the interests of science, to measure the +crania of those going out there,' he said. 'And when +they come back too?' I asked. "Oh, I never see them,' +he remarked; 'and, moreover, the changes take place in- +side, you know.' He smiled, as if at some quiet joke. +'So you are going out there. Famous. Interesting too.' +He gave me a searching glance, and made another note. +'Ever any madness in your family?' he asked, in a +matter-of-fact tone. I felt very annoyed. 'Is that +question in the interests of science too?' 'It would be,' +he said, without taking notice of my irritation, 'interest- +ing for science to watch the mental changes of individ- +uals, on the spot, but . . .' 'Are you an alienist?' I +interrupted. 'Every doctor should be--a little,' an- +swered that original, imperturbably. 'I have a little +theory which you Messieurs who go out there must help +me to prove. This is my share in the advantages my +country shall reap from the possession of such a mag- +nificent dependency. The mere wealth I leave to others. +Pardon my questions, but you are the first Englishman +coming under my observation. . . .' I hastened to +assure him I was not in the least typical. 'If I were,' +said I, 'I wouldn't be talking like this with you.' 'What +you say is rather profound, and probably erroneous,' he +said, with a laugh. 'Avoid irritation more than expos- +ure to the sun. Adieu. How do you English say, eh? +Good-by. Ah! Good-by. Adieu. In the tropics one +must before everything keep calm.' . . . He lifted a +warning forefinger. . . . 'Du calme, du calme. +Adieu.' + +"One thing more remained to do--say good-by to +my excellent aunt. I found her triumphant. I had a +cup of tea--the last decent cup of tea for many days +--and in a room that most soothingly looked just as you +would expect a lady's drawing-room to look, we had a +long quiet chat by the fireside. In the course of these +confidences it became quite plain to me I had been repre- +sented to the wife of the high dignitary, and goodness +knows to how many more people besides, as an excep- +tional and gifted creature--a piece of good fortune for +the Company--a man you don't get hold of every day. +Good heavens! and I was going to take charge of a +two-penny-halfpenny river-steamboat with a penny +whistle attached! It appeared, however, I was also one +of the Workers, with a capital--you know. Something +like an emissary of light, something like a lower sort +of apostle. There had been a lot of such rot let loose +in print and talk just about that time, and the excellent +woman, living right in the rush of all that humbug, got +carried off her feet. She talked about 'weaning those +ignorant millions from their horrid ways,' till, upon my +word, she made me quite uncomfortable. I ventured to +hint that the Company was run for profit. + +"'You forget, dear Charlie, that the laborer is worthy +of his hire,' she said, brightly. It's queer how out of +touch with truth women are. They live in a world of +their own, and there had never been anything like it, +and never can be. It is too beautiful altogether, and +if they were to set it up it would go to pieces before +the first sunset. Some confounded fact we men have +been living contentedly with ever since the day of cre- +ation would start up and knock the whole thing over. + +"After this I got embraced, told to wear flannel, be +sure to write often, and so on--and I left. In the street +--I don't know why--a queer feeling came to me that I +was an impostor. Odd thing that I, who used to clear +out for any part of the world at twenty-four hours' +notice, with less thought than most men give to the cross- +ing of a street, had a moment--I won't say of hesitation, +but of startled pause, before this commonplace affair. +The best way I can explain it to you is by saying that, +for a second or two, I felt as though, instead of going +to the center of a continent, I were about to set off for +the center of the earth. + +"I left in a French steamer, and she called in every +blamed port they have out there, for, as far as I could +see, the sole purpose of landing soldiers and custom- +house officers. I watched the coast. Watching a coast +as it slips by the ship is like thinking about an enigma. +There it is before you--smiling, frowning, inviting, +grand, mean, insipid, or savage, and always mute with +an air of whispering, Come and find out. This one was +almost featureless, as if still in the making, with an +aspect of monotonous grimness. The edge of a colossal +jungle, so dark-green as to be almost black, fringed +with white surf, ran straight, like a ruled line, far, far +away along a blue sea whose glitter was blurred by a +creeping mist. The sun was fierce, the land seemed to +glisten and drip with steam. Here and there grayish- +whitish specks showed up, clustered inside the white surf, +with a flag flying above them perhaps. Settlements some +centuries old, and still no bigger than pin-heads on the +untouched expanse of their background. We pounded +along, stopped, landed soldiers; went on, landed custom- +house clerks to levy toll in what looked like a God-for- +saken wilderness, with a tin shed and a flag-pole lost in +it; landed more soldiers--to take care of the custom- +house clerks, presumably. Some, I heard, got drowned +in the surf; but whether they did or not, nobody seemed +particularly to care. They were just flung out there, +and on we went. Every day the coast looked the same, +as though we had not moved; but we passed various +places--trading places--with names like Gran' Bassam +Little Popo, names that seemed to belong to some sordid +farce acted in front of a sinister backcloth. The idle- +ness of a passenger, my isolation amongst all these men +with whom I had no point of contact, the oily and lan- +guid sea, the uniform somberness of the coast, seemed +to keep me away from the truth of things, within the +toil of a mournful and senseless delusion. The voice of +the surf heard now and then was a positive pleasure, +like the speech of a brother. It was something natural, +that had its reason, that had a meaning. Now and then +a boat from the shore gave one a momentary contact +with reality. It was paddled by black fellows. You +could see from afar the white of their eyeballs glisten- +ing. They shouted, sang; their bodies streamed with +perspiration; they had faces like grotesque masks--these +chaps; but they had bone, muscle, a wild vitality, an in- +tense energy of movement, that was as natural and true +as the surf along their coast. They wanted no excuse +for being there. They were a great comfort to look at. +For a time I would feel I belonged still to a world of +straightforward facts; but the feeling would not last +long. Something would turn up to scare it away. Once, +I remember, we came upon a man-of-war anchored off +the coast. There wasn't even a shed there, and she +was shelling the bush. It appears the French had one +of their wars going on thereabouts. Her ensign dropped +limp like a rag; the muzzles of the long eight-inch guns +stuck out all over the low hull; the greasy, slimy swell +swung her up lazily and let her down, swaying her thin +masts. In the empty immensity of earth, sky, and water, +there she was, incomprehensible, firing into a continent. +Pop, would go one of the eight-inch guns; a small flame +would dart and vanish, a little white smoke would dis- +appear, a tiny projectile would give a feeble screech-- +and nothing happened. Nothing could happen. There +was a touch of insanity in the proceeding, a sense of +lugubrious drollery in the sight; and it was not dissi- +pated by somebody on board assuring me earnestly there +was a camp of natives--he called them enemies!--hidden +out of sight somewhere. + +"We gave her her letters (I heard the men in that +lonely ship were dying of fever at the rate of three +a day) and went on. We called at some more places with +farcical names, where the merry dance of death and +trade goes on in a still and earthy atmosphere as of an +overheated catacomb; all along the formless coast bor- +dered by dangerous surf, as if Nature herself had tried +to ward off intruders; in and out of rivers, streams of +death in life, whose banks were rotting into mud, whose +waters, thickened into slime, invaded the contorted man- +groves, that seemed to writhe at us in the extremity of +an impotent despair. Nowhere did we stop long enough +to get a particularized impression, but the general sense +of vague and oppressive wonder grew upon me. It was +like a weary pilgrimage amongst hints for night- +mares. + +"It was upward of thirty days before I saw the mouth +of the big river. We anchored off the seat of the gov- +ernment. But my work would not begin till some two +hundred miles farther on. So as soon as I could I made +a start for a place thirty miles higher up. + +"I had my passage on a little sea-going steamer. Her +captain was a Swede, and knowing me for a seaman, +invited me on the bridge. He was a young man, lean, +fair, and morose, with lanky hair and a shuffling gait. +As we left the miserable little wharf, he tossed his head +contemptuously at the shore. 'Been living there?' he +asked. I said, 'Yes.' 'Fine lot these government chaps +--are they not?' he went on, speaking English with +great precision and considerable bitterness. 'It is funny +what some people will do for a few francs a month. I +wonder what becomes of that kind when it goes up coun- +try?' I said to him I expected to see that soon. 'So-o-o!' +he exclaimed. He shuffled athwart, keeping one eye +ahead vigilantly. 'Don't be too sure,' he continued. +'The other day I took up a man who hanged himself +on the road. He was a Swede, too.' 'Hanged himself! +Why, in God's name?' I cried. He kept on looking out +watchfully. 'Who knows? The sun too much for him, +or the country perhaps.' + +"At last we opened a reach. A rocky cliff appeared, +mounds of turned-up earth by the shore, houses on a +hill, others, with iron roofs, amongst a waste of excava- +tions, or hanging to the declivity. A continuous noise +of the rapids above hovered over this scene of inhabited +devastation. A lot of people, mostly black and naked, +moved about like ants. A jetty projected into the river. +A blinding sunlight drowned all this at times in a sudden +recrudescence of glare. 'There's your Company's sta- +tion,' said the Swede, pointing to three wooden barrack- +like structures on the rocky slope. 'I will send your +things up. Four boxes did you say? So. Farewell.' + +"I came upon a boiler wallowing in the grass, then +found a path leading up the hill. It turned aside for +the bowlders, and also for an undersized railway-truck +lying there on its back with its wheels in the air. One +was off. The thing looked as dead as the carcass of +some animal. I came upon more pieces of decaying ma- +chinery, a stack of rusty rails. To the left a clump of +trees made a shady spot, where dark things seemed to +stir feebly. I blinked, the path was steep. A horn tooted +to the right, and I saw the black people run. A heavy +and dull detonation shook the ground, a puff of smoke +came out of the cliff, and that was all. No change ap- +peared on the face of the rock. They were building a +railway. The cliff was not in the way or anything; but +this objectless blasting was all the work going on. + +"A slight clinking behind me made me turn my head. +Six black men advanced in a file, toiling up the path. +They walked erect and slow, balancing small baskets +full of earth on their heads, and the clink kept time with +their footsteps. Black rags were wound round their +loins, and the short ends behind wagged to and fro like +tails. I could see every rib, the joints of their limbs +were like knots in a rope; each had an iron collar on +his neck, and all were connected together with a chain +whose bights swung between them, rhythmically clinking. +Another report from the cliff made me think suddenly +of that ship of war I had seen firing into a continent. +It was the same kind of ominous voice; but these men +could by no stretch of imagination be called enemies. +They were called criminals, and the outraged law, like +the bursting shells, had come to them, an insoluble mys- +tery from over the sea. All their meager breasts panted +together, the violently dilated nostrils quivered, the eyes +stared stonily uphill. They passed me within six inches, +without a glance, with that complete, deathlike indif- +ference of unhappy savages. Behind this raw matter +one of the reclaimed, the product of the new forces at +work, strolled despondently, carrying a rifle by its +middle. He had a uniform jacket with one button off, +and seeing a white man on the path, hoisted his weapon +to his shoulder with alacrity. This was simple prudence, +white men being so much alike at a distance that he could +not tell who I might be. He was speedily reassured, and +with a large, white, rascally grin, and a glance at his +charge, seemed to take me into partnership in his exalted +trust. After all, I also was a part of the great cause +of these high and just proceedings. + +"Instead of going up, I turned and descended to the +left. My idea was to let that chain-gang get out of +sight before I climbed the hill. You know I am not par- +ticularly tender; I've had to strike and to fend off. I've +had to resist and to attack sometimes--that's only one +way of resisting--without counting the exact cost, ac- +cording to the demands of such sort of life as I had blun- +dered into. I've seen the devil of violence, and the devil +of greed, and the devil of hot desire; but, by all the +stars! these were strong, lusty, red-eyed devils, that +swayed and drove men--men, I tell you. But as I stood +on this hillside, I foresaw that in the blinding sunshine +of that land I would become acquainted with a flabby, +pretending, weak-eyed devil of a rapacious and pitiless +folly. How insidious he could be, too, I was only to +find out several months later and a thousand miles +farther. For a moment I stood appalled, as though by +a warning. Finally I descended the hill, obliquely, to- +wards the trees I had seen. + +"I avoided a vast artificial hole somebody had been +digging on the slope, the purpose of which I found it +impossible to divine. It wasn't a quarry or a sandpit, +anyhow. It was just a hole. It might have been con- +nected with the philanthropic desire of giving the crim- +inals something to do. I don't know. Then I nearly +fell into a very narrow ravine, almost no more than a +scar in the hillside. I discovered that a lot of imported +drainage-pipes for the settlement had been tumbled in +there. There wasn't one that was not broken. It was +a wanton smash-up. At last I got under the trees. My +purpose was to stroll into the shade for a moment; but +no sooner within than it seemed to me I had stepped +into a gloomy circle of some Inferno. The rapids were +near, and an uninterrupted, uniform, headlong, rushing +noise filled the mournful stillness of the grove, where not +a breath stirred, not a leaf moved, with a mysterious +sound--as though the tearing pace of the launched earth +had suddenly become audible. + +"Black shapes crouched, lay, sat between the trees, +leaning against the trunks, clinging to the earth, half +coming out, half effaced within the dim light, in all the +attitudes of pain, abandonment, and despair. Another +mine on the cliff went off, followed by a slight shudder +of the soil under my feet. The work was going on. The +work! And this was the place where some of the helpers +had withdrawn to die. + +"They were dying slowly--it was very clear. They +were not enemies, they were not criminals, they were +nothing earthly now,--nothing but black shadows of +disease and starvation, lying confusedly in the greenish +gloom. Brought from all the recesses of the coast in all +the legality of time contracts, lost in uncongenial sur- +roundings, fed on unfamiliar food, they sickened, be- +came inefficient, and were then allowed to crawl away and +rest. These moribund shapes were free as air--and +nearly as thin. I began to distinguish the gleam of eyes +under the trees. Then, glancing down, I saw a face +near my hand. The black bones reclined at full length +with one shoulder against the tree, and slowly the eye- +lids rose and the sunken eyes looked up at me, enormous +and vacant, a kind of blind, white flicker in the depths +of the orbs, which died out slowly. The man seemed +young--almost a boy--but you know with them it's hard +to tell. I found nothing else to do but to offer him one +of my good Swede's ship's biscuits I had in my pocket. +The fingers closed slowly on it and held--there was no +other movement and no other glance. He had tied a bit +of white worsted round his neck--Why? Where did he +get it? Was it a badge--an ornament--a charm--a +propitiatory act? Was there any idea at all connected +with it? It looked startling round his black neck, this +bit of white thread from beyond the seas. + +"Near the same tree two more bundles of acute angles +sat with their legs drawn up. One, with his chin +propped on his knees, stared at nothing, in an intoler- +able and appalling manner: his brother phantom rested +its forehead, as if overcome with a great weariness; and +all about others were scattered in every pose of contorted +collapse, as in some picture of a massacre or a pestilence. +While I stood horror-struck, one of these creatures rose +to his hands and knees, and went off on all-fours towards +the river to drink. He lapped out of his hand, then sat +up in the sunlight, crossing his shins in front of him, +and after a time let his woolly head fall on his breast- +bone. + +"I didn't want any more loitering in the shade, and +I made haste towards the station. When near the build- +ings I met a white man, in such an unexpected elegance +of get-up that in the first moment I took him for a sort +of vision. I saw a high starched collar, white cuffs, a +light alpaca jacket, snowy trousers, a clear necktie, and +varnished boots. No hat. Hair parted, brushed, oiled, +under a green-lined parasol held in a big white hand. +He was amazing, and had a penholder behind his ear. + +"I shook hands with this miracle, and I learned he was +the Company's chief accountant, and that all the book- +keeping was done at this station. He had come out for +a moment, he said, 'to get a breath of fresh air.' The +expression sounded wonderfully odd, with its suggestion +of sedentary desk-life. I wouldn't have mentioned the +fellow to you at all, only it was from his lips that I +first heard the name of the man who is so indissolubly +connected with the memories of that time. Moreover, I +respected the fellow. Yes; I respected his collars, his +vast cuffs, his brushed hair. His appearance was cer- +tainly that of a hairdresser's dummy; but in the great +demoralization of the land he kept up his appearance. +That's backbone. His starched collars and got-up shirt- +fronts were achievements of character. He had been out +nearly three years; and, later on, I could not help ask- +ing him how he managed to sport such linen. He had +just the faintest blush, and said modestly, 'I've been +teaching one of the native women about the station. It +was difficult. She had a distaste for the work.' This +man had verily accomplished something. And he was +devoted to his books, which were in apple-pie order. + +"Everything else in the station was in a muddle,-- +heads, things, buildings. Strings of dusty niggers with +splay feet arrived and departed; a stream of manu- +factured goods, rubbishy cottons, beads, and brass-wire +set into the depths of darkness, and in return came a +precious trickle of ivory. + +"I had to wait in the station for ten days--an eternity. +I lived in a hut in the yard, but to be out of the chaos +I would sometimes get into the accountant's office. It +was built of horizontal planks, and so badly put together +that, as he bent over his high desk, he was barred from +neck to heels with narrow strips of sunlight. There was +no need to open the big shutter to see. It was hot +there too; big flies buzzed fiendishly, and did not sting, +but stabbed. I sat generally on the floor, while, of +faultless appearance (and even slightly scented), perch- +ing on a high stool, he wrote, he wrote. Sometimes he +stood up for exercise. When a truckle-bed with a sick +man (some invalided agent from up-country) was put in +there, he exhibited a gentle annoyance. 'The groans of +this sick person,' he said, distract my attention. And +without that it is extremely difficult to guard against +clerical errors in this climate.' + +"One day he remarked, without lifting his head, "In +the interior you will no doubt meet Mr. Kurtz.' On my +asking who Mr. Kurtz was, he said he was a first-class +agent; and seeing my disappointment at this informa- +tion, he added slowly, laying down his pen, 'He is a very +remarkable person.' Further questions elicited from him +that Mr. Kurtz was at present in charge of a trading +post, a very important one, in the true ivory-country, +at 'the very bottom of there. Sends in as much ivory +as all the others put together. . . .' He began to +write again. The sick man was too ill to groan. The +flies buzzed in a great peace. + +"Suddenly there was a growing murmur of voices and +a great tramping of feet. A caravan had come in. A +violent babble of uncouth sounds burst out on the other +side of the planks. All the carriers were speaking to- +gether, and in the midst of the uproar the lamentable +voice of the chief agent was heard 'giving it up' tear- +fully for the twentieth time that day. . . . He rose +slowly. 'What a frightful row,' he said. He crossed +the room gently to look at the sick man, and returning, +said to me, 'He does not hear.' 'What! Dead?' I +asked, startled. 'No, not yet,' he answered, with great +composure. Then, alluding with a toss of the head to +the tumult in the station-yard, 'When one has got to +make correct entries, one comes to hate those savages-- +hate them to the death.' He remained thoughtful for a +moment. 'When you see Mr. Kurtz,' he went on, 'tell +him from me that everything here'--he glanced at the +desk--'is very satisfactory. I don't like to write to him +--with those messengers of ours you never know who +may get hold of your letter--at that Central Station.' +He stared at me for a moment with his mild, bulging +eyes. 'Oh, he will go far, very far,' he began again. +'He will be a somebody in the Administration before +long. They, above--the Council in Europe, you know +--mean him to be.' + +"He turned to his work. The noise outside had ceased, +and presently in going out I stopped at the door. In +the steady buzz of flies the homeward-bound agent was +lying flushed and insensible; the other, bent over his +books, was making correct entries of perfectly correct +transactions; and fifty feet below the doorstep I could +see the still tree-tops of the grove of death. + +"Next day I left that station at last, with a caravan +of sixty men, for a two-hundred-mile tramp. + +"No use telling you much about that. Paths, paths, +everywhere; a stamped-in network of paths spreading +over the empty land, through long grass, through burnt +grass, through thickets, down and up chilly ravines, up +and down stony hills ablaze with heat; and a solitude, +a solitude, nobody, not a hut. The population had +cleared out a long time ago. Well, if a lot of mysterious +niggers armed with all kinds of fearful weapons sud- +denly took to traveling on the road between Deal and +Gravesend, catching the yokels right and left to carry +heavy loads for them, I fancy every farm and cottage +thereabouts would get empty very soon. Only here the +dwellings were gone too. Still I passed through several +abandoned villages. There's something pathetically +childish in the ruins of grass walls. Day after day, with +the stamp and shuffle of sixty pair of bare feet behind +me, each pair under a 60-lb. load. Camp, cook, sleep, +strike camp, march. Now and then a carrier dead in +harness, at rest in the long grass near the path, with +an empty water-gourd and his long staff lying by his +side. A great silence around and above. Perhaps on +some quiet night the tremor of far-off drums, sinking, +swelling, a tremor vast, faint; a sound weird, appealing, +suggestive, and wild--and perhaps with as profound a +meaning as the sound of bells in a Christian country. +Once a white man in an unbuttoned uniform, camping +on the path with an armed escort of lank Zanzibaris, +very hospitable and festive--not to say drunk. Was +looking after the upkeep of the road, he declared. Can't +say I saw any road or any upkeep, unless the body of a +middle-aged negro, with a bullet-hole in the forehead, +upon which I absolutely stumbled three miles farther on, +may be considered as a permanent improvement. I had +a white companion too, not a bad chap, but rather too +fleshy and with the exasperating habit of fainting on +the hot hillsides, miles away from the least bit of shade +and water. Annoying, you know, to hold your own coat +like a parasol over a man's head while he is coming-to. +I couldn't help asking him once what he meant by coming +there at all. 'To make money, of course. What do +you think?' he said, scornfully. Then he got fever, and +had to be carried in a hammock slung under a pole. As +he weighed sixteen stone I had no end of rows with the +carriers. They jibbed, ran away, sneaked off with their +loads in the night--quite a mutiny. So, one evening, +I made a speech in English with gestures, not one of +which was lost to the sixty pairs of eyes before me, and +the next morning I started the hammock off in front all +right. An afterwards I came upon the whole con- +cern wrecked in a bush--man, hammock, groans, blankets, +horrors. The heavy pole had skinned his poor nose. He +was very anxious for me to kill somebody, but there +wasn't the shadow of a carrier near. I remembered the +old doctor,--'It would be interesting for science to +watch the mental changes of individuals, on the spot.' +I felt I was becoming scientifically interesting. How- +ever, all that is to no purpose. On the fifteenth day I +came in sight of the big river again, and hobbled into +the Central Station. It was on a back water surrounded +by scrub and forest, with a pretty border of smelly mud +on one side, and on the three others inclosed by a crazy +fence of rushes. A neglected gap was all the gate it +had, and the first glance at the place was enough to let +you see the flabby devil was running that show. White +men with long staves in their hands appeared languidly +from amongst the buildings, strolling up to take a look +at me, and then retired out of sight somewhere. One +of them, a stout, excitable chap with black mustaches, +informed me with great volubility and many digressions, +as soon as I told him who I was, that my steamer was at +the bottom of the river. I was thunderstruck. What, +how, why? Oh, it was 'all right.' The 'manager him- +self' was there. All quite correct. 'Everybody had +behaved splendidly! splendidly!'--'you must,' he said +in agitation, 'go and see the general manager at once. +He is waiting!' + +"I did not see the real significance of that wreck at +once. I fancy I see it now, but I am not sure--not at +all. Certainly the affair was too stupid--when I think +of it--to be altogether natural. Still. . . . But at the +moment it presented itself simply as a confounded nui- +sance. The steamer was sunk. They had started two +days before in a sudden hurry up the river with the +manager on board, in charge of some volunteer skipper, +and before they had been out three hours they tore the +bottom out of her on stones, and she sank near the south +bank. I asked myself what I was to do there, now my +boat was lost. As a matter of fact, I had plenty to do +in fishing my command out of the river. I had to set +about it the very next day. That, and the repairs when +I brought the pieces to the station, took some months. + +"My first interview with the manager was curious. He +did not ask me to sit down after my twenty-mile walk +that morning. He was commonplace in complexion, in +feature, in manners, and in voice. He was of middle +size and of ordinary build. His eyes, of the usual blue, +were perhaps remarkably cold, and he certainly could +make his glance fall on one as trenchant and heavy as +an ax. But even at these times the rest of his person +seemed to disclaim the intention. Otherwise there was +only an indefinable, faint expression of his lips, some- +thing stealthy--a smile--not a smile--I remember it, but +I can't explain. It was unconscious, this smile was, +though just after he had said something it got intensified +for an instant. It came at the end of his speeches like +a seal applied on the words to make the meaning of the +commonest phrase appear absolutely inscrutable. He +was a common trader, from his youth up employed in +these parts--nothing more. He was obeyed, yet he in- +spired neither love nor fear, nor even respect. He in- +spired uneasiness. That was it! Uneasiness. Not a +definite mistrust--just uneasiness--nothing more. You +have no idea how effective such a . . . a . . . fac- +ulty can be. He had no genius for organizing, for +initiative, or for order even. That was evident in such +things as the deplorable state of the station. He had +no learning, and no intelligence. His position had come +to him--why? Perhaps because he was never ill . . . +He had served three terms of three years out there . . . +Because triumphant health in the general rout of con- +stitutions is a kind of power in itself. When he went +home on leave he rioted on a large scale--pompously. +Jack ashore--with a difference--in externals only. This +one could gather from his casual talk. He originated +nothing, he could keep the routine going--that's all. +But he was great. He was great by this little thing that +it was impossible to tell what could control such a man. +He never gave that secret away. Perhaps there was +nothing within him. Such a suspicion made one pause +--for out there there were no external checks. Once +when various tropical diseases had laid low almost every +'agent' in the station, he was heard to say, 'Men who +come out here should have no entrails.' He sealed the +utterance with that smile of his, as though it had been +a door opening into a darkness he had in his keeping. +You fancied you had seen things--but the seal was on. +When annoyed at meal-times by the constant quarrels +of the white men about precedence, he ordered an im- +mense round table to be made, for which a special house +had to be built. This was the station's mess-room. Where +he sat was the first place--the rest were nowhere. One +felt this to be his unalterable conviction. He was neither +civil nor uncivil. He was quiet. He allowed his 'boy' +--an overfed young negro from the coast--to treat the +white men, under his very eyes, with provoking insolence. + +"He began to speak as soon as he saw me. I had +been very long on the road. He could not wait. Had +to start without me. The up-river stations had to be +relieved. There had been so many delays already that +he did not know who was dead and who was alive, and +how they got on--and so on, and so on. He paid no +attention to my explanations, and, playing with a stick +of sealing-wax, repeated several times that the situation +was 'very grave, very grave.' There were rumors that +a very important station was in jeopardy, and its chief, +Mr. Kurtz, was ill. Hoped it was not true. Mr. Kurtz +was . . . I felt weary and irritable. Hang Kurtz, I +thought. I interrupted him by saying I had heard of +Mr. Kurtz on the coast. 'Ah! So they talk of him +down there,' he murmured to himself. Then he began +again, assuring me Mr. Kurtz was the best agent he +had, an exceptional man, of the greatest importance to +the Company; therefore I could understand his anxiety. +He was, he said, 'very, very uneasy.' Certainly he +fidget on his chair a good deal, exclaimed, 'Ah, Mr. +Kurtz!' broke the stick of sealing-wax and seemed dumb- +founded by the accident. Next thing he wanted to know +'how long it would take to' . . . I interrupted him +again. Being hungry, you know, and kept on my feet +too, I was getting savage. 'How could I tell,' I said. +'I hadn't even seen the wreck yet--some months, no +doubt.' All this talk seemed to me so futile. 'Some +months,' he said. 'Well, let us say three months before +we can make a start. Yes. That ought to do the affair.' +I flung out of his hut (he lived all alone in a clay hut +with a sort of veranda) muttering to myself my opinion +of him. He was a chattering idiot. Afterwards I took +it back when it was borne in upon me startlingly with +what extreme nicety he had estimated the time requisite +for the 'affair.' + +"I went to work the next day, turning, so to speak, +my back on that station. In that way only it seemed +to me I could keep my hold on the redeeming facts of +life. Still, one must look about sometimes; and then I +saw this station, these men strolling aimlessly about in +the sunshine of the yard. I asked myself sometimes what +it all meant. They wandered here and there with their +absurd long staves in their hands, like a lot of faithless +pilgrims bewitched inside a rotten fence. The word +'ivory' rang in the air, was whispered, was sighed. You +would think they were praying to it. A taint of imbecile +rapacity blew through it all, like a whiff from some +corpse. By Jove! I've never seen anything so unreal +in my life. And outside, the silent wilderness surround- +ing this cleared speck on the earth struck me as some- +thing great and invincible, like evil or truth, waiting +patiently for the passing away of this fantastic in- +vasion. + +"Oh, these months! Well, never mind. Various things +happened. One evening a grass shed full of calico, cotton +prints, beads, and I don't know what else, burst into a +blaze so suddenly that you would have thought the earth +had opened to let an avenging fire consume all that trash. +I was smoking my pipe quietly by my dismantled steamer, +and saw them all cutting capers in the light, with their +arms lifted high, when the stout man with mustaches +came tearing down to the river, a tin pail in his hand, +assured me that everybody was 'behaving splendidly, +splendidly, dipped about a quart of water and tore back +again. I noticed there was a hole in the bottom of his +pail. + +"I strolled up. There was no hurry. You see the +thing had gone off like a box of matches. It had been +hopeless from the very first. The flame had leaped high, +driven everybody back, lighted up everything--and col- +lapsed. The shed was already a heap of embers glowing +fiercely. A nigger was being beaten near by. They +said he had caused the fire in some way; be that as it +may, he was screeching most horribly. I saw him, later +on, for several days, sitting in a bit of shade looking +very sick and trying to recover himself: afterwards he +arose and went out--and the wilderness without a sound +took him into its bosom again. As I approached the +glow from the dark I found myself at the back of two +men, talking. I heard the name of Kurtz pronounced, +then the words, 'take advantage of this unfortunate ac- +cident.' One of the men was the manager. I wished +him a good evening. 'Did you ever see anything like +it--eh? it is incredible,' he said, and walked off. The +other man remained. He was a first-class agent, young, +gentlemanly, a bit reserved, with a forked little beard +and a hooked nose. He was stand-offish with the other +agents, and they on their side said he was the manager's +spy upon them. As to me, I had hardly ever spoken to +him before. We got into talk, and by-and-by we strolled +away from the hissing ruins. Then he asked me to his +room, which was in the main building of the station. +He struck a match, and I perceived that this young +aristocrat had not only a silver-mounted dressing-case +but also a whole candle all to himself. Just at that time +the manager was the only man supposed to have any +right to candles. Native mats covered the clay walls; +a collection of spears, assegais, shields, knives was hung +up in trophies. The business intrusted to this fellow +was the making of bricks--so I had been informed; but +there wasn't a fragment of a brick anywhere in the sta- +tion, and he had been there more than a year--waiting. +It seems he could not make bricks without something, I +don't know what--straw maybe. Anyways, it could not +be found there, and as it was not likely to be sent from +Europe, it did not appear clear to me what he was wait- +ing for. An act of special creation perhaps. However, +they were all waiting--all the sixteen or twenty pilgrims +of them--for something; and upon my word it did not +seem an uncongenial occupation, from the way they took +it, though the only thing that ever came to them was +disease--as far as I could see. They beguiled the time +by backbiting and intriguing against each other in a +foolish kind of way. There was an air of plotting about +that station, but nothing came of it, of course. It was +as unreal as everything else--as the philanthropic pre- +tense of the whole concern, as their talk, as their gov- +ernment, as their show of work. The only real feeling +was a desire to get appointed to a trading-post where +ivory was to be had, so that they could earn percentages. +They intrigued and slandered and hated each other only +on that account,--but as to effectually lifting a little +finger--oh, no. By heavens! there is something after +all in the world allowing one man to steal a horse while +another must not look at a halter. Steal a horse straight +out. Very well. He has done it. Perhaps he can ride. +But there is a way of looking at a halter that would +provoke the most charitable of saints into a kick. + +"I had no idea why he wanted to be sociable, but as +we chatted in there it suddenly occurred to me the fel- +low was trying to get at something--in fact, pumping +me. He alluded constantly to Europe, to the people I +was supposed to know there--putting leading questions +as to my acquaintances in the sepulchral city, and so on. +His little eyes glittered like mica discs--with curiosity, +--though he tried to keep up a bit of superciliousness. +At first I was astonished, but very soon I became awfully +curious to see what he would find out from me. I couldn't +possibly imagine what I had in me to make it worth +his while. It was very pretty to see how he baffled him- +self, for in truth my body was full of chills, and my +head had nothing in it but that wretched steamboat busi- +ness. It was evident he took me for a perfectly shame- +less prevaricator. At last he got angry, and to conceal +a movement of furious annoyance, he yawned. I rose. +Then I noticed a small sketch in oils, on a panel, repre- +senting a woman, draped and blindfolded, carrying a +lighted torch. The background was somber--almost +black. The movement of the woman was stately, and +the effect of the torchlight on the face was sinister. + +"It arrested me, and he stood by civilly, holding a +half-pint champagne bottle (medical comforts) with the +candle stuck in it. To my question he said Mr. Kurtz +had painted this--in this very station more than a year +ago--while waiting for means to go to his trading-post. + +'Tell me, pray,' said I, 'who is this Mr. Kurtz?' + +"'The chief of the Inner Station,' he answered in a +short tone, looking away. 'Much obliged,' I said, laugh- +ing. 'And you are the brickmaker of the Central Sta- +tion. Everyone knows that.' He was silent for a while. +'He is a prodigy,' he said at last. 'He is an emissary of +pity, and science, and progress, and devil knows what +else. We want,' he began to declaim suddenly, 'for +the guidance of the cause intrusted to us by Europe, so +to speak, higher intelligence, wide sympathies, a single- +ness of purpose.' 'Who says that?' I asked. 'Lots of +them,' he replied. 'Some even write that; and so HE +comes here, a special being, as you ought to know.' 'Why +ought I to know?' I interrupted, really surprised. He +paid no attention. 'Yes. To-day he is chief of the +best station, next year he will be assistant-manager, two +years more and . . . but I dare say you know what he +will be in two years' time. You are of the new gang-- +the gang of virtue. The same people who sent him +specially also recommended you. Oh, don't say no. I've +my own eyes to trust.' Light dawned upon me. My +dear aunt's influential acquaintances were producing an +unexpected effect upon that young man. I nearly burst +into a laugh. 'Do you read the Company's confidential +correspondence?' I asked. He hadn't a word to say. It +was great fun. 'When Mr. Kurtz,' I continued severely, +'is General Manager, you won't have the opportunity.' + +"He blew the candle out suddenly, and we went out- +side. The moon had risen. Black figures strolled about +listlessly, pouring water on the glow, whence proceeded +a sound of hissing; steam ascended in the moonlight, the +beaten nigger groaned somewhere. 'What a row the +brute makes!' said the indefatigable man with the mus- +taches, appearing near us. 'Serve him right. Trans- +gression--punishment--bang! Pitiless, pitiless. That's +the only way. This will prevent all conflagrations for +the future. I was just telling the manager . . .' He +noticed my companion, and became crestfallen all at once. +'Not in bed yet,' he said, with a kind of servile hearti- +ness; 'it's so natural. Ha! Danger-agitation.' He +vanished. I went on to the river-side, and the other fol- +lowed me. I heard a scathing murmur at my ear, 'Heap +of muffs--go to.' The pilgrims could be seen in knots +gesticulating, discussing. Several had still their staves +in their hands. I verily believe they took these sticks to +bed with them. Beyond the fence the forest stood up +spectrally in the moonlight, and through the dim stir, +through the faint sounds of that lamentable courtyard, +the silence of the land went home to one's very heart,-- +its mystery, its greatness, the amazing reality of its con- +cealed life. The hurt nigger moaned feebly somewhere +near by, and then fetched a deep sigh that made me +mend my pace away from there. I felt a hand intro- +ducing itself under my arm. 'My dear sir,' said the +fellow, 'I don't want to be misunderstood, and especially +by you, who will see Mr. Kurtz long before I can have +that pleasure. I wouldn't like him to get a false idea +of my disposition. . . .' + +"I let him run on, this papier-mache Mephistopheles, +and it seemed to me that if I tried I could poke my fore- +finger through him, and would find nothing inside but +a little loose dirt, maybe. He, don't you see, had been +planning to be assistant-manager by-and-by under the +present man, and I could see that the coming of that +Kurtz had upset them both not a little. He talked pre- +cipitately, and I did not try to stop him. I had my +shoulders against the wreck of my steamer, hauled up on +the slope like a carcass of some big river animal. The +smell of mud, of primeval mud, by Jove! was in my +nostrils, the high stillness of primeval forest was before +my eyes; there were shiny patches on the black creek. +The moon had spread over everything a thin layer of +silver--over the rank grass, over the mud, upon the +wall of matted vegetation standing higher than the wall +of a temple, over the great river I could see through a +somber gap glittering, glittering, as it flowed broadly +by without a murmur. All this was great, expectant, +mute, while the man jabbered about himself. I won- +dered whether the stillness on the face of the immensity +looking at us two were meant as an appeal or as a +menace. What were we who had strayed in here? Could +we handle that dumb thing, or would it handle us? I +felt how big, how confoundedly big, was that thing that +couldn't talk, and perhaps was deaf as well. What was +in there? I could see a little ivory coming out from +there, and I had heard Mr. Kurtz was in there. I had +heard enough about it too--God knows! Yet somehow +it didn't bring any image with it--no more than if I +had been told an angel or a fiend was in there. I be- +lieved it in the same way one of you might believe there +are inhabitants in the planet Mars. I knew once a Scotch +sailmaker who was certain, dead sure, there were people +in Mars. If you asked him for some idea how they +looked and behaved, he would get shy and mutter some- +thing about 'walking on all-fours.' If you as much +as smiled, he would--though a man of sixty--offer to +fight you. I would not have gone so far as to fight +for Kurtz, but I went for him near enough to a lie. You +know I hate, detest, and can't bear a lie, not because +I am straighter than the rest of us, but simply because +it appalls me. There is a taint of death, a flavor of +mortality in lies,--which is exactly what I hate and +detest in the world--what I want to forget. It makes +me miserable and sick, like biting something rotten would +do. Temperament, I suppose. Well, I went near enough +to it by letting the young fool there believe anything +he liked to imagine as to my influence in Europe. I +became in an instant as much of a pretense as the rest +of the bewitched pilgrims. This simply because I had +a notion it somehow would be of help to that Kurtz whom +at the time I did not see--you understand. He was just +a word for me. I did not see the man in the name any +more than you do. Do you see him? Do you +see the story? Do you see anything? It seems to me +I am trying to tell you a dream--making a vain at- +tempt, because no relation of a dream can convey the +dream-sensation, that commingling of absurdity, sur- +prise, and bewilderment in a tremor of struggling revolt, +that notion of being captured by the incredible which is +of the very essence of dreams. . . ." + +He was silent for a while. + +". . . No, it is impossible; it is impossible to convey +the life-sensation of any given epoch of one's existence, +--that which makes its truth, its meaning--its subtle and +penetrating essence. It is impossible. We live, as we +dream--alone. . . ." + +He paused again as if reflecting, then added-- + +"Of course in this you fellows see more than I could +then. You see me, whom you know. . . ." + +It had become so pitch dark that we listeners could +hardly see one another. For a long time already he, +sitting apart, had been no more to us than a voice. There +was not a word from anybody. The others might have +been asleep, but I was awake. I listened, I listened on +the watch for the sentence, for the word, that would give +me the clew to the faint uneasiness inspired by this narra- +tive that seemed to shape itself without human lips in +the heavy night-air of the river. + +". . . Yes--I let him run on," Marlow began again, +"and think what he pleased about the powers that were +behind me. I did! And there was nothing behind me! +There was nothing but that wretched, old, mangled +steamboat I was leaning against, while he talked fluently +about 'the necessity for every man to get on.' 'And +when one comes out here, you conceive, it is not to gaze +at the moon.' Mr. Kurtz was a 'universal genius,' but +even a genius would find it easier to work with 'adequate +tools--intelligent men.' He did not make bricks--why, +there was a physical impossibility in the way--as I was +well aware; and if he did secretarial work for the man- +ager, it was because 'no sensible man rejects wantonly +the confidence of his superiors.' Did I see it? I saw it. +What more did I want? What I really wanted was +rivets, by heaven! Rivets. To get on with the work--to +stop the hole. Rivets I wanted. There were cases of +them down at the coast--cases--piled up--burst--split! +You kicked a loose rivet at every second step in that +station yard on the hillside. Rivets had rolled into the +grove of death. You could fill your pockets with rivets +for the trouble of stooping down--and there wasn't one +rivet to be found where it was wanted. We had plates +that would do, but nothing to fasten them with. And +every week the messenger, a lone negro, letter-bag on +shoulder and staff in hand, left our station for the coast. +And several times a week a coast caravan came in with +trade goods,--ghastly glazed calico that made you +shudder only to look at it, glass beads value about a +penny a quart, confounded spotted cotton handkerchiefs. +And no rivets. Three carriers could have brought all +that was wanted to set that steamboat afloat. + +"He was becoming confidential now, but I fancy my +unresponsive attitude must have exasperated him at last, +for he judged it necessary to inform me he feared neither +God nor devil, let alone any mere man. I said I could +see that very well, but what I wanted was a certain +quantity of rivets--and rivets were what really Mr. +Kurtz wanted, if he had only known it. Now letters +went to the coast every week. . . . 'My dear sir,' he +cried, 'I write from dictation.' I demanded rivets. There +was a way--for an intelligent man. He changed his +manner; became very cold, and suddenly began to talk +about a hippopotamus; wondered whether sleeping on +board the steamer (I stuck to my salvage night and +day) I wasn't disturbed. There was an old hippo that +had the bad habit of getting out on the bank and roam- +ing at night over the station grounds. The pilgrims +used to turn out in a body and empty every rifle they +could lay hands on at him. Some even had sat up o' +nights for him. All this energy was wasted, though. +'That animal has a charmed life,' he said; 'but you can +say this only of brutes in this country. No man--you +apprehend me?--no man here bears a charmed life.' He +stood there for a moment in the moonlight with his deli- +cate hooked nose set a little askew, and his mica eyes +glittering without a wink, then, with a curt Good night, +he strode off. I could see he was disturbed and consid- +erably puzzled, which made me feel more hopeful than +I had been for days. It was a great comfort to turn +from that chap to my influential friend, the battered, +twisted, ruined, tin-pot steamboat. I clambered on +board. She rang under my feet like an empty Huntley +& Palmer biscuit-tin kicked along a gutter; she was +nothing so solid in make, and rather less pretty in shape, +but I had expended enough hard work on her to make +me love her. No influential friend would have served +me better. She had given me a chance to come out a bit +--to find out what I could do. No, I don't like work. +I had rather laze about and think of all the fine things +that can be done. I don't like work--no man does +--but I like what is in the work,--the chance to find +yourself. Your own reality--for yourself, not for others +--what no other man can ever know. They can only +see the mere show, and never can tell what it really +means. + +"I was not surprised to see somebody sitting aft, on +the deck, with his legs dangling over the mud. You see +I rather chummed with the few mechanics there were in +that station, whom the other pilgrims naturally despised +--on account of their imperfect manners, I suppose. +This was the foreman--a boiler-maker by trade--a good +worker. He was a lank, bony, yellow-faced man, with +big intense eyes. His aspect was worried, and his head +was as bald as the palm of my hand; but his hair in +falling seemed to have stuck to his chin, and had pros- +pered in the new locality, for his beard hung down to +his waist. He was a widower with six young children +(he had left them in charge of a sister of his to come +out there), and the passion of his life was pigeon-flying. +He was an enthusiast and a connoisseur. He would rave +about pigeons. After work hours he used sometimes to +come over from his hut for a talk about his children and +his pigeons; at work, when he had to crawl in the mud +under the bottom of the steamboat, he would tie up that +beard of his in a kind of white serviette he brought for +the purpose. It had loops to go over his ears. In the +evening he could be seen squatted on the bank rinsing +that wrapper in the creek with great care, then spreading +it solemnly on a bush to dry. + +"I slapped him on the back and shouted 'We shall have +rivets!' He scrambled to his feet exclaiming 'No! +Rivets!' as though he couldn't believe his ears. Then in +a low voice, 'You . . . eh?' I don't know why we +behaved like lunatics. I put my finger to the side of +my nose and nodded mysteriously. 'Good for you!' he +cried, snapped his fingers above his head, lifting one +foot. I tried a jig. We capered on the iron deck. A +frightful clatter came out of that hulk, and the virgin +forest on the other bank of the creek sent it back in a +thundering roll upon the sleeping station. It must have +made some of the pilgrims sit up in their hovels. A +dark figure obscured the lighted doorway of the man- +ager's hut, vanished, then, a second or so after, the +doorway itself vanished too. We stopped, and the silence +driven away by the stamping of our feet flowed back +again from the recesses of the land. The great wall of +vegetation, an exuberant and entangled mass of trunks, +branches, leaves, boughs, festoons, motionless in the +moonlight, was like a rioting invasion of soundless life, +a rolling wave of plants, piled up, crested, ready to +topple over the creek, to sweep every little man of us +out of his little existence. And it moved not. A dead- +ened burst of mighty splashes and snorts reached us +from afar, as though an ichthyosaurus had been taking +a bath of glitter in the great river. 'After all,' said the +boiler-maker in a reasonable tone, 'why shouldn't we get +the rivets?' Why not, indeed! I did not know of any +reason why we shouldn't. 'They'll come in three weeks,' +I said confidently. + +"But they didn't. Instead of rivets there came an +invasion, an infliction, a visitation. It came in sections +during the next three weeks, each section headed by a +donkey carrying a white man in new clothes and tan +shoes, bowing from that elevation right and left to the +impressed pilgrims. A quarrelsome band of footsore +sulky niggers trod on the heels of the donkeys; a lot of +tents, camp-stools, tin boxes, white cases, brown bales +would be shot down in the courtyard, and the air of +mystery would deepen a little over the muddle of the +station. Five such installments came, with their absurd +air of disorderly flight with the loot of innumerable out- +fit shops and provision stores, that, one would think, they +were lugging, after a raid, into the wilderness for equit- +able division. It was an inextricable mess of things +decent in themselves but that human folly made look +like the spoils of thieving. + +"this devoted band called itself the Eldorado Ex- +ploring Expedition, and I believe they were sworn to +secrecy. Their talk, however, was the talk of sordid +buccaneers: it was reckless without hardihood, greedy +without audacity, and cruel without courage; there was +not an atom of foresight or of serious intention in the +whole batch of them, and they did not seem aware these +things are wanted for the work of the world. To tear +treasure out of the bowels of the land was their desire, +with no more moral purpose at the back of it than there +is in burglars breaking into a safe. Who paid the ex- +penses of the noble enterprise I don't know; but the +uncle of our manager was leader of that lot. + +"In exterior he resembled a butcher in a poor neigh- +borhood, and his eyes had a look of sleepy cunning. He +carried his fat paunch with ostentation on his short legs, +and during the time his gang infested the station spoke +to no one but his nephew. You could see these two roam- +ing about all day long with their heads close together +in an everlasting confab. + +"I had given up worrying myself about the rivets. +One's capacity for that kind of folly is more limited +than you would suppose. I said Hang!--and let things +slide. I had plenty of time for meditation, and now +and then I would give some thought to Kurtz. I wasn't +very interested in him. No. Still, I was curious to see +whether this man, who had come out equipped with moral +ideas of some sort, would climb to the top after all, and +how he would set about his work when there." + + +II + + +"One evening as I was lying flat on the deck of my +steamboat, I heard voices approaching--and there were +the nephew and the uncle strolling along the bank. I +laid my head on my arm again, and had nearly lost +myself in a doze, when somebody said in my ear, as it +were: 'I am as harmless as a little child, but I don't like +to be dictated to. Am I the manager--or am I not? I +was ordered to send him there. It's incredible.' . . . +I became aware that the two were standing on the shore +alongside the forepart of the steamboat, just below my +head. I did not move; it did not occur to me to move: I +was sleepy. 'It IS unpleasant,' grunted the uncle. 'He +has asked the Administration to be sent there,' said the +other, 'with the idea of showing what he could do; and +I was instructed accordingly. Look at the influence that +man must have. Is it not frightful?' They both agreed +it was frightful, then made several bizarre remarks: +'Make rain and fine weather--one man--the Council-- +by the nose'--bits of absurd sentences that got the +better of my drowsiness, so that I had pretty near the +whole of my wits about me when the uncle said, 'The +climate may do away with this difficulty for you. Is he +alone there?' 'Yes,' answered the manager; 'he sent +his assistant down the river with a note to me in these +terms: "Clear this poor devil out of the country, and +don't bother sending more of that sort. I had rather +be alone than have the kind of men you can dispose of +with me." It was more than a year ago. Can you +imagine such impudence!' 'Anything since then?' +asked the other, hoarsely. 'Ivory,' jerked the nephew; +'lots of it--prime sort--lots--most annoying, from +him.' 'And with that?' questioned the heavy rumble. +'Invoice,' was the reply fired out, so to speak. Then +silence. They had been talking about Kurtz. + +"I was broad awake by this time, but, lying perfectly +at ease, remained still, having no inducement to change +my position. 'How did that ivory come all this way?' +growled the elder man, who seemed very vexed. The +other explained that it had come with a fleet of canoes in +charge of an English half-caste clerk Kurtz had with +him; that Kurtz had apparently intended to return him- +self, the station being by that time bare of goods and +stores, but after coming three hundred miles, had sud- +denly decided to go back, which he started to do alone +in a small dug-out with four paddlers, leaving the half- +caste to continue down the river with the ivory. The two +fellows there seemed astounded at anybody attempting +such a thing. They were at a loss for an adequate mo- +tive. As to me, I seemed to see Kurtz for the first time. +It was a distinct glimpse: the dug-out, four paddling +savages, and the lone white man turning his back sud- +denly on the headquarters, on relief, on thoughts of +home--perhaps; setting his face towards the depths of +the wilderness, towards his empty and desolate station. +I did not know the motive. Perhaps he was just simply +a fine fellow who stuck to his work for its own sake. His +name, you understand, had not been pronounced once. +He was 'that man.' The half-caste, who, as far as I +could see, had conducted a difficult trip with great pru- +dence and pluck, was invariably alluded to as 'that +scoundrel.' The 'scoundrel' had reported that the +'man' had been very ill--had recovered imperfectly. +. . . The two below me moved away then a few paces, +and strolled back and forth at some little distance. I +heard: 'Military post--doctor--two hundred miles-- +quite alone now--unavoidable delays--nine months--no +news--strange rumors.' They approached again, just +as the manager was saying, 'No one, as far as I know, +unless a species of wandering trader--a pestilential fel- +low, snapping ivory from the natives.' Who was it they +were talking about now? I gathered in snatches that +this was some man supposed to be in Kurtz's district, and +of whom the manager did not approve. 'We will not be +free from unfair competition till one of these fellows is +hanged for an example,' he said. 'Certainly,' grunted +the other; 'get him hanged! Why not? Anything-- +anything can be done in this country. That's what I +say; nobody here, you understand, HERE, can endanger +your position. And why? You stand the climate--you +outlast them all. The danger is in Europe; but there +before I left I took care to--' They moved off and +whispered, then their voices rose again. 'The extraor- +dinary series of delays is not my fault. I did my +possible.' The fat man sighed, 'Very sad.' 'And the +pestiferous absurdity of his talk,' continued the other; +'he bothered me enough when he was here. "Each +station should be like a beacon on the road towards better +things, a center for trade of course, but also for human- +izing, improving, instructing." Conceive you--that ass! +And he wants to be manager! No, it's--' Here he +got choked by excessive indignation, and I lifted my +head the least bit. I was surprised to see how near they +were--right under me. I could have spat upon their +hats. They were looking on the ground, absorbed in +thought. The manager was switching his leg with a +slender twig: his sagacious relative lifted his head. 'You +have been well since you came out this time?' he asked. +The other gave a start. 'Who? I? Oh! Like a charm +--like a charm. But the rest--oh, my goodness! All +sick. They die so quick, too, that I haven't the time +to send them out of the country--it's incredible!' 'H'm. +Just so,' grunted the uncle. 'Ah! my boy, trust to this +--I say, trust to this.' I saw him extend his short flipper +of an arm for a gesture that took in the forest, the +creek, the mud, the river,--seemed to beckon with a dis- +honoring flourish before the sunlit face of the land a +treacherous appeal to the lurking death, to the hidden +evil, to the profound darkness of its heart. It was so +startling that I leaped to my feet and looked back at +the edge of the forest, as though I had expected an +answer of some sort to that black display of confidence. +You know the foolish notions that come to one some- +times. The high stillness confronted these two figures +with its ominous patience, waiting for the passing away +of a fantastic invasion. + +"They swore aloud together--out of sheer fright, I +believe--then pretending not to know anything of my +existence, turned back to the station. The sun was low; +and leaning forward side by side, they seemed to be +tugging painfully uphill their two ridiculous shadows +of unequal length, that trailed behind them slowly over +the tall grass without bending a single blade. + +"In a few days the Eldorado Expedition went into the +patient wilderness, that closed upon it as the sea closes +over a diver. Long afterwards the news came that all +the donkeys were dead. I know nothing as to the fate of +the less valuable animals. They, no doubt, like the rest +of us, found what they deserved. I did not inquire. I +was then rather excited at the prospect of meeting Kurtz +very soon. When I say very soon I mean it compara- +tively. It was just two months from the day we left +the creek when we came to the bank below Kurtz's sta- +tion. + +"Going up that river was like traveling back to the +earliest beginnings of the world, when vegetation rioted +on the earth and the big trees were kings. An empty +stream, a great silence, an impenetrable forest. The air +was warm, thick, heavy, sluggish. There was no joy +in the brilliance of sunshine. The long stretches of the +waterway ran on, deserted, into the gloom of over- +shadowed distances. On silvery sandbanks hippos and +alligators sunned themselves side by side. The broaden- +ing waters flowed through a mob of wooded islands; you +lost your way on that river as you would in a desert, and +butted all day long against shoals, trying to find the +channel, till you thought yourself bewitched and cut +off for ever from everything you had known once--some +where--far away--in another existence perhaps. There +were moments when one's past came back to one, as it +will sometimes when you have not a moment to spare +to yourself; but it came in the shape of an unrestful +and noisy dream, remembered with wonder amongst the +overwhelming realities of this strange world of plants, +and water, and silence. And this stillness of life did +not in the least resemble a peace. It was the stillness of +an implacable force brooding over an inscrutable inten- +tion. It looked at you with a vengeful aspect. I got +used to it afterwards; I did not see it any more; I had +no time. I had to keep guessing at the channel; I had +to discern, mostly by inspiration, the signs of hidden +banks; I watched for sunken stones; I was learning to +clap my teeth smartly before my heart flew out, when +I shaved by a fluke some infernal sly old snag that would +have ripped the life out of the tin-pot steamboat and +drowned all the pilgrims; I had to keep a look-out for +the signs of dead wood we could cut up in the night for +next day's steaming. When you have to attend to +things of that sort, to the mere incidents of the sur- +face, the reality--the reality, I tell you--fades. The +inner truth is hidden--luckily, luckily. But I felt it +all the same; I felt often its mysterious stillness watching +me at my monkey tricks, just as it watches you fellows +performing on your respective tight-ropes for--what is +it? half-a-crown a tumble--" + +"Try to be civil, Marlow," growled a voice, and I +knew there was at least one listener awake besides my- +self. + +"I beg your pardon. I forgot the heartache which +makes up the rest of the price. And indeed what does +the price matter, if the trick be well done? You do +your tricks very well. And I didn't do badly either, +since I managed not to sink that steamboat on my first +trip. It's a wonder to me yet. Imagine a blindfolded +man set to drive a van over a bad road. I sweated and +shivered over that business considerably, I can tell you. +After all, for a seaman, to scrape the bottom of the thing +that's supposed to float all the time under his care is +the unpardonable sin. No one may know of it, but you +never forget the thump--eh? A blow on the very heart. +You remember it, you dream of it, you wake up at night +and think of it--years after--and go hot and cold all +over. I don't pretend to say that steamboat floated all +the time. More than once she had to wade for a bit, +with twenty cannibals splashing around and pushing. +We had enlisted some of these chaps on the way for a +crew. Fine fellows--cannibals--in their place. They +were men one could work with, and I am grateful to +them. And, after all, they did not each other before +my face: they had brought along a provision of hippo- +meat which went rotten, and made the mystery of the +wilderness stink in my nostrils. Phoo! I can sniff it +now. I had the manager on board and three or four +pilgrims with their staves--all complete. Sometimes we +came upon a station close by the bank, clinging to the +skirts of the unknown, and the white men rushing out +of a tumble-down hovel, with great gestures of joy and +surprise and welcome, seemed very strange,--had the ap- +pearance of being held there captive by a spell. The word +ivory would ring in the air for a while--and on we went +again into the silence, along empty reaches, round the +still bends, between the high walls of our winding way, +reverberating in hollow claps the ponderous beat of the +stern-wheel. Trees, trees, millions of trees, massive, +immense, running up high; and at their foot, hugging +the bank against the stream, crept the little begrimed +steamboat, like a sluggish beetle crawling on the floor +of a lofty portico. It made you feel very small, very +lost, and yet it was not altogether depressing that feel- +ing. After all, if you were small, the grimy beetle +crawled on--which was just what you wanted it to do. +Where the pilgrims imagined it crawled to I don't know. +To some place where they expected to get something, I +bet! For me it crawled toward Kurtz--exclusively; but +when the steam-pipes started leaking we crawled very +slow. The reaches opened before us and closed behind, +as if the forest had stepped leisurely across the water +to bar the way for our return. We penetrated deeper +and deeper into the heart of darkness. It was very quiet +there. At night sometimes the roll of drums behind the +curtain of trees would run up the river and remain +sustained faintly, as if hovering in the air high over our +heads, till the first break of day. Whether it meant war, +peace, or prayer we could not tell. The dawns were +heralded by the descent of a chill stillness; the wood- +cutters slept, their fires burned low; the snapping of +a twig would make you start. We were wanderers on +a prehistoric earth, on an earth that wore the aspect +of an unknown planet. We could have fancied ourselves +the first of men taking possession of an accursed in- +heritance, to be subdued at the cost of profound anguish +and of excessive toil. But suddenly, as we struggled +round a bend, there would be a glimpse of rush walls, +of peaked grass-roofs, a burst of yells, a whirl of black +limbs, a mass of hands clapping, of feet stamping, of +bodies swaying, of eyes rolling, under the droop of heavy +and motionless foliage. The steamer toiled along slowly +on the edge of a black and incomprehensible frenzy. The +prehistoric man was cursing us, praying to us, wel- +coming us--who could tell? We were cut off from the +comprehension of our surroundings; we glided past like +phantoms, wondering and secretly appalled, as sane men +would be before an enthusiastic outbreak in a madhouse. +We could not understand, because we were too far and +could not remember, because we were traveling in the +night of first ages, of those ages that are gone, leaving +hardly a sign--and no memories. + +"The earth seemed unearthly. We are accustomed to +look upon the shackled form of a conquered monster, but +there--there you could look at a thing monstrous and +free. It was unearthly, and the men were-- No, they +were not inhuman. Well, you know, that was the worst +of it--this suspicion of their not being inhuman. It +would come slowly to one. They howled, and leaped, and +spun, and made horrid faces; but what thrilled you was +just the thought of their humanity--like yours--the +thought of your remote kinship with this wild and pas- +sionate uproar. Ugly. Yes, it was ugly enough; but +if you were man enough you would admit to yourself +that there was in you just the faintest trace of a re- +sponse to the terrible frankness of that noise, a dim +suspicion of there being a meaning in it which you-- +you so remote from the night of first ages--could com- +prehend. And why not? The mind of man is capable +of anything--because everything is in it, all the past +as well as all the future. What was there after all? +Joy, fear, sorrow, devotion, valor, rage--who can tell? +--but truth--truth stripped of its cloak of time. Let +the fool gape and shudder--the man knows, and can +look on without a wink. But he must at least be as +much of a man as these on the shore. He must meet +that truth with his own true stuff--with his own inborn +strength. Principles? Principles won't do. Acquisi- +tions, clothes, pretty rags--rags that would fly off at +the first good shake. No; you want a deliberate belief. +An appeal to me in this fiendish row--is there? Very +well; I hear; I admit, but I have a voice too, and for +good or evil mine is the speech that cannot be silenced. +Of course, a fool, what with sheer fright and fine senti- +ments, is always safe. Who's that grunting? You +wonder I didn't go ashore for a howl and a dance? Well, +no--I didn't. Fine sentiments, you say? Fine senti- +ments, be hanged! I had no time. I had to mess about +with white-lead and strips of woolen blanket helping +to put bandages on those leaky steam-pipes--I tell you. +I had to watch the steering, and circumvent those snags, +and get the tin-pot along by hook or by crook. There +was surface-truth enough in these things to save a wiser +man. And between whiles I had to look after the savage +who was fireman. He was an improved specimen; he +could fire up a vertical boiler. He was there below me, +and, upon my word, to look at him was as edifying as +seeing a dog in a parody of breeches and a feather hat, +walking on his hind-legs. A few months of training had +done for that really fine chap. He squinted at the +steam-gauge and at the water-gauge with an evident +effort of intrepidity--and he had filed teeth too, the +poor devil, and the wool of his pate shaved into queer +patterns, and three ornamental scars on each of his +cheeks. He ought to have been clapping his hands and +stamping his feet on the bank, instead of which he was +hard at work, a thrall to strange witchcraft, full of +improving knowledge. He was useful because he had +been instructed; and what he knew was this--that should +the water in that transparent thing disappear, the evil +spirit inside the boiler would get angry through the +greatness of his thirst, and take a terrible vengeance. +So he sweated and fired up and watched the glass fear- +fully (with an impromptu charm, made of rags, tied to +his arm, and a piece of polished bone, as big as a watch, +stuck flatways through his lower lip), while the wooded +banks slipped past us slowly, the short noise was left +behind, the interminable miles of silence--and we crept +on, towards Kurtz. But the snags were thick, the water +was treacherous and shallow, the boiler seemed indeed +to have a sulky devil in it, and thus neither that fire- +man nor I had any time to peer into our creepy thoughts. + +"Some fifty miles below the Inner Station we came +upon a hut of reeds, an inclined and melancholy pole, +with the unrecognizable tatters of what had been a flag +of some sort flying from it, and a neatly stacked wood- +pile. This was unexpected. We came to the bank, and +on the stack of firewood found a flat piece of board with +some faded pencil-writing on it. When deciphered it +said: 'Wood for you. Hurry up. Approach cautiously.' +There was a signature, but it was illegible--not Kurtz +--a much longer word. Hurry up. Where? Up the +river? 'Approach cautiously.' We had not done so. +But the warning could not have been meant for the place +where it could be only found after approach. Some- +thing was wrong above. But what--and how much? +That was the question. We commented adversely upon +the imbecility of that telegraphic style. The bush around +said nothing, and would not let us look very far, either. +A torn curtain of red twill hung in the doorway of the +hut, and flapped sadly in our faces. The dwelling was +dismantled; but we could see a white man had lived +there not very long ago. There remained a rude table +--a plank on two posts; a heap of rubbish reposed in a +dark corner, and by the door I picked up a book. It +had lost its covers, and the pages had been thumbed into +a state of extremely dirty softness; but the back had been +lovingly stitched afresh with white cotton thread, which +looked clean yet. It was an extraordinary find. Its title +was, 'An Inquiry into some Points of Seamanship,' by a +man Tower, Towson--some such name--Master in his +Majesty's Navy. The matter looked dreary reading +enough, with illustrative diagrams and repulsive tables of +figures, and the copy was sixty years old. I handled this +amazing antiquity with the greatest possible tenderness, +lest it should dissolve in my hands. Within, Towson or +Towser was inquiring earnestly into the breaking strain +of ships' chains and tackle, and other such matters. Not +a very enthralling book; but at the first glance you +could see there a singleness of intention, an honest con- +cern for the right way of going to work, which made +these humble pages, thought out so many years ago, +luminous with another than a professional light. The +simple old sailor, with his talk of chains and purchases, +made me forget the jungle and the pilgrims in a delicious +sensation of having come upon something unmistakably +real. Such a book being there was wonderful enough; +but still more astounding were the notes penciled in the +margin, and plainly referring to the text. I couldn't +believe my eyes! They were in cipher! Yes, it looked +like cipher. Fancy a man lugging with him a book of +that description into this nowhere and studying it-- +and making notes--in cipher at that! It was an ex- +travagant mystery. + +"I had been dimly aware for some time of a worrying +noise, and when I lifted my eyes I saw the wood-pile +was gone, and the manager, aided by all the pilgrims, +was shouting at me from the river-side. I slipped the +book into my pocket. I assure you to leave off reading +was like tearing myself away from the shelter of an old +and solid friendship. + +"I started the lame engine ahead. 'It must be this +miserable trader--this intruder,' exclaimed the manager, +looking back malevolently at the place we had left. 'He +must be English,' I said. 'It will not save him from +getting into trouble if he is not careful,' muttered the +manager darkly. I observed with assumed innocence that +no man was safe from trouble in this world. + +"The current was more rapid now, the steamer seemed +at her last gasp, the stern-wheel flopped languidly, and +I caught myself listening on tiptoe for the next beat of +the float, for in sober truth I expected the wretched thing +to give up every moment. It was like watching the last +flickers of a life. But still we crawled. Sometimes I +would pick out a tree a little way ahead to measure our +progress towards Kurtz by, but I lost it invariably be- +fore we got abreast. To keep the eyes so long on one +thing was too much for human patience. The manager +displayed a beautiful resignation. I fretted and fumed +and took to arguing with myself whether or no I would +talk openly with Kurtz; but before I could come to any +conclusion it occurred to me that my speech or my silence, +indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility. +What did it matter what anyone knew or ignored? What +did it matter who was manager? One gets sometimes +such a flash of insight. The essentials of this affair lay +deep under the surface, beyond my reach, and beyond +my power of meddling. + +"Towards the evening of the second day we judged +ourselves about eight miles from Kurtz's station. I +wanted to push on; but the manager looked grave, and +told me the navigation up there was so dangerous that it +would be advisable, the sun being very low already, to +wait where we were till next morning. Moreover, he +pointed out that if the warning to approach cautiously +were to be followed, we must approach in daylight-- +not at dusk, or in the dark. This was sensible enough. +Eight miles meant nearly three hours' steaming for us, +and I could also see suspicious ripples at the upper end +of the reach. Nevertheless, I was annoyed beyond ex- +pression at the delay, and most unreasonably too, since +one night more could not matter much after so many +months. As we had plenty of wood, and caution was +the word, I brought up in the middle of the stream. +The reach was narrow, straight, with high sides like a +railway cutting. The dusk came gliding into it long +before the sun had set. The current ran smooth and +swift, but a dumb immobility sat on the banks. The +living trees, lashed together by the creepers and every +living bush of the undergrowth, might have been changed +into stone, even to the slenderest twig, to the lightest +leaf. It was not sleep--it seemed unnatural, like a +state of trance. Not the faintest sound of any kind +could be heard. You looked on amazed, and began to +suspect yourself of being deaf--then the night came +suddenly, and struck you blind as well. About three +in the morning some large fish leaped, and the loud +splash made me jump as though a gun had been fired. +When the sun rose there was a white fog, very warm +and clammy, and more blinding than the night. It did +not shift or drive; it was just there, standing all round +you like something solid. At eight or nine, perhaps, it +lifted as a shutter lifts. We had a glimpse of the tower- +ing multitude of trees, of the immense matted jungle, +with the blazing little ball of the sun hanging over it-- +all perfectly still--and then the white shutter came down +again, smoothly, as if sliding in greased grooves. I +ordered the chain, which we had begun to heave in, to +be paid out again. Before it stopped running with a +muffled rattle, a cry, a very loud cry, as of infinite +desolation, soared slowly in the opaque air. It ceased. +A complaining clamor, modulated in savage discords, +filled our ears. The sheer unexpectedness of it made +my hair stir under my cap. I don't know how it struck +the others: to me it seemed as though the mist itself +had screamed, so suddenly, and apparently from all +sides at once, did this tumultuous and mournful uproar +arise. It culminated in a hurried outbreak of almost +intolerably excessive shrieking, which stopped short, leav- +ing us stiffened in a variety of silly attitudes, and ob- +stinately listening to the nearly as appalling and ex- +cessive silence. 'Good God! What is the meaning--?' +stammered at my elbow one of the pilgrims,--a little +fat man, with sandy hair and red whiskers, who wore +side-spring boots, and pink pyjamas tucked into his +socks. Two others remained open-mouthed a whole min- +ute, then dashed into the little cabin, to rush out in- +continently and stand darting scared glances, with Win- +chesters at 'ready' in their hands. What we could see +was just the steamer we were on, her outlines blurred as +though she had been on the point of dissolving, and a +misty strip of water, perhaps two feet broad, around +her--and that was all. The rest of the world was no- +where, as far as our eyes and ears were concerned. Just +nowhere. Gone, disappeared; swept off without leaving +a whisper or a shadow behind. + +"I went forward, and ordered the chain to be hauled +in short, so as to be ready to trip the anchor and move +the steamboat at once if necessary. 'Will they attack?' +whispered an awed voice. 'We will all be butchered in +this fog,' murmured another. The faces twitched with +the strain, the hands trembled slightly, the eyes forgot +to wink. It was very curious to see the contrast of ex- +pressions of the white men and of the black fellows of +our crew, who were as much strangers to that part of the +river as we, though their homes were only eight hundred +miles away. The whites, of course greatly discomposed, +had besides a curious look of being painfully shocked +by such an outrageous row. The others had an alert, +naturally interested expression; but their faces were es- +sentially quiet, even those of the one or two who grinned +as they hauled at the chain. Several exchanged short, +grunting phrases, which seemed to settle the matter to +their satisfaction. Their headman, a young, broad- +chested black, severely draped in dark-blue fringed +cloths, with fierce nostrils and his hair all done up art- +fully in oily ringlets, stood near me. 'Aha!' I said, just +for good fellowship's sake. 'Catch 'im,' he snapped, +with a bloodshot widening of his eyes and a flash of +sharp teeth--'catch 'im. Give 'im to us.' 'To you, +eh?' I asked; 'what would you do with them?' 'Eat +'im!' he said curtly, and, leaning his elbow on the rail, +looked out into the fog in a dignified and profoundly +pensive attitude. I would no doubt have been properly +horrified, had it not occurred to me that he and his +chaps must be very hungry: that they must have been +growing increasingly hungry for at least this month +past. They had been engaged for six months (I don't +think a single one of them had any clear idea of time, +as we at the end of countless ages have. They still be- +longed to the beginnings of time--had no inherited ex- +perience to teach them as it were), and of course, as +long as there was a piece of paper written over in ac- +cordance with some farcical law or other made down the +river, it didn't enter anybody's head to trouble how +they would live. Certainly they had brought with them +some rotten hippo-meat, which couldn't have lasted very +long, anyway, even if the pilgrims hadn't, in the midst +of a shocking hullabaloo, thrown a considerable quantity +of it overboard. It looked like a high-handed proceed- +ing; but it was really a case of legitimate self-defense. +You can't breathe dead hippo waking, sleeping, and +eating, and at the same time keep your precarious grip +on existence. Besides that, they had given them every +week three pieces of brass wire, each about nine inches +long; and the theory was they were to buy their pro- +visions with that currency in river-side villages. You +can see how THAT worked. There were either no villages, +or the people were hostile, or the director, who like the +rest of us fed out of tins, with an occasional old he-goat +thrown in, didn't want to stop the steamer for some more +or less recondite reason. So, unless they swallowed the +wire itself, or made loops of it to snare the fishes with, +I don't see what good their extravagant salary could be +to them. I must say it was paid with a regularity worthy +of a large and honorable trading company. For the +rest, the only thing to eat--though it didn't look eat- +able in the least--I saw in their possession was a few +lumps of some stuff like half-cooked dough, of a dirty +lavender color, they kept wrapped in leaves, and now and +then swallowed a piece of, but so small that it seemed +done more for the looks of the thing than for any seri- +ous purpose of sustenance. Why in the name of all the +gnawing devils of hunger they didn't go for us--they +were thirty to five--and have a good tuck in for once, +amazes me now when I think of it. They were big +powerful men, with not much capacity to weigh the con- +sequences, with courage, with strength, even yet, though +their skins were no longer glossy and their muscles no +longer hard. And I saw that something restraining, one +of those human secrets that baffle probability, had come +into play there. I looked at them with a swift quicken- +ing of interest--not because it occurred to me I might +be eaten by them before very long, though I own to you +that just then I perceived--in a new light, as it were-- +how unwholesome the pilgrims looked, and I hoped, yes, +I positively hoped, that my aspect was not so--what shall +I say?--so--unappetizing: a touch of fantastic vanity +which fitted well with the dream-sensation that pervaded +all my days at that time. Perhaps I had a little fever +too. One can't live with one's finger everlastingly on +one's pulse. I had often 'a little fever,' or a little touch +of other things--the playful paw-strokes of the wilder- +ness, the preliminary trifling before the more serious +onslaught which came in due course. Yes; I looked at +them as you would on any human being, with a curiosity +of their impulses, motives, capacities, weaknesses, when +brought to the test of an inexorable physical necessity. +Restraint! What possible restraint? Was it supersti- +tion, disgust, patience, fear--or some kind of primitive +honor? No fear can stand up to hunger, no patience +can wear it out, disgust simply does not exist where +hunger is; and as to superstition, beliefs, and what you +may call principles, they are less than chaff in a breeze. +Don't you know the devilry of lingering starvation, its +exasperating torment, its black thoughts, its somber and +brooding ferocity? Well, I do. It takes a man all his +inborn strength to fight hunger properly. It's really +easier to face bereavement, dishonor, and the perdition +of one's soul--than this kind of prolonged hunger. Sad, +but true. And these chaps too had no earthly reason +for any kind of scruple. Restraint! I would just as +soon have expected restraint from a hyena prowling +amongst the corpses of a battlefield. But there was the +fact facing me--the fact dazzling, to be seen, like the +foam on the depths of the sea, like a ripple on an un- +fathomable enigma, a mystery greater--when I thought +of it--than the curious, inexplicable note of desperate +grief in this savage clamor that had swept by us on the +river-bank, behind the blind whiteness of the fog. + +"Two pilgrims were quarreling in hurried whispers +as to which bank. 'Left.' 'No, no; how can you? +Right, right, of course.' 'It is very serious,' said the +manager's voice behind me; 'I would be desolated if +anything should happen to Mr. Kurtz before we came +up.' I looked at him, and had not the slightest doubt +he was sincere. He was just the kind of man who would +wish to preserve appearances. That was his restraint. +But when he muttered something about going on at once, +I did not even take the trouble to answer him. I knew, +and he knew, that it was impossible. Were we to let go +our hold of the bottom, we would be absolutely in the +air--in space. We wouldn't be able to tell where we +were going to--whether up or down stream, or across +--till we fetched against one bank or the other,--and +then we wouldn't know at first which it was. Of course +I made no move. I had no mind for a smash-up. You +couldn't imagine a more deadly place for a shipwreck. +Whether drowned at once or not, we were sure to perish +speedily in one way or another. 'I authorize you to +take all the risks,' he said, after a short silence. 'I refuse +to take any,' I said shortly; which was just the answer +he expected, though its tone might have surprised him. +'Well, I must defer to your judgment. You are cap- +tain,' he said, with marked civility. I turned my shoul- +der to him in sign of my appreciation, and looked into +the fog. How long would it last? It was the most hope- +less look-out. The approach to this Kurtz grubbing +for ivory in the wretched bush was beset by as many +dangers as though he had been an enchanted princess +sleeping in a fabulous castle. 'Will they attack, do you +think?' asked the manager, in a confidential tone. + +"I did not think they would attack, for several obvious +reasons. The thick fog was one. If they left the bank +in their canoes they would get lost in it, as we would +be if we attempted to move. Still, I had also judged the +jungle of both banks quite impenetrable--and yet eyes +were in it, eyes that had seen us. The river-side bushes +were certainly very thick; but the undergrowth behind +was evidently penetrable. However, during the short +lift I had seen no canoes anywhere in the reach--cer- +tainly not abreast of the steamer. But what made the +idea of attack inconceivable to me was the nature of the +noise--of the cries we had heard. They had not the +fierce character boding of immediate hostile intention. +Unexpected, wild, and violent as they had been, they had +given me an irresistible impression of sorrow. The +glimpse of the steamboat had for some reason filled those +savages with unrestrained grief. The danger, if any, +I expounded, was from our proximity to a great hu- +man passion let loose. Even extreme grief may ulti- +mately vent itself in violence--but more generally takes +the form of apathy. . . . + +"You should have seen the pilgrims stare! They had +no heart to grin, or even to revile me; but I believe they +thought me gone mad--with fright, maybe. I delivered +a regular lecture. My dear boys, it was no good bother- +ing. Keep a look-out? Well, you may guess I watched +the fog for the signs of lifting as a cat watches a mouse; +but for anything else our eyes were of no more use to +us than if we had been buried miles deep in a heap of +cotton-wool. It felt like it too--choking, warm, stifling. +Besides, all I said, though it sounded extravagant, was +absolutely true to fact. What we afterwards alluded to +as an attack was really an attempt at repulse. The +action was very far from being aggressive--it was not +even defensive, in the usual sense: it was undertaken +under the stress of desperation, and in its essence was +purely protective. + +"It developed itself, I should say, two hours after the +fog lifted, and its commencement was at a spot, roughly +speaking, about a mile and a half below Kurtz's station. +We had just floundered and flopped round a bend, when +I saw an islet, a mere grassy hummock of bright green, +in the middle of the stream. It was the only thing of +the kind; but as we opened the reach more, I perceived +it was the head of a long sandbank, or rather of a chain +of shallow patches stretching down the middle of the +river. They were discolored, just awash, and the whole +lot was seen just under the water, exactly as a man's +backbone is seen running down the middle of his back +under the skin. Now, as far as I did see, I could go +to the right or to the left of this. I didn't know either +channel, of course. The banks looked pretty well alike, +the depth appeared the same; but as I had been informed +the station was on the west side, I naturally headed for +the western passage. + +"No sooner had we fairly entered it than I became +aware it was much narrower than I had supposed. To +the left of us there was the long uninterrupted shoal, +and to the right a high, steep bank heavily overgrown +with bushes. Above the bush the trees stood in serried +ranks. The twigs overhung the current thickly, and +from distance to distance a large limb of some tree pro- +jected rigidly over the stream. It was then well on in +the afternoon, the face of the forest was gloomy, and +a broad strip of shadow had already fallen on the water. +In this shadow we steamed up--very slowly, as you may +imagine. I sheered her well inshore--the water being +deepest near the bank, as the sounding-pole informed me. + +"One of my hungry and forbearing friends was sound- +ing in the bows just below me. This steamboat was +exactly like a decked scow. On the deck there were two +little teak-wood houses, with doors and windows. The +boiler was in the fore-end, and the machinery right +astern. Over the whole there was a light roof, supported +on stanchions. The funnel projected through that roof, +and in front of the funnel a small cabin built of light +planks served for a pilot-house. It contained a couch, +two camp-stools, a loaded Martini-Henry leaning in one +corner, a tiny table, and the steering-wheel. It had a +wide door in front and a broad shutter at each side. All +these were always thrown open, of course. I spent my +days perched up there on the extreme fore-end of that +roof, before the door. At night I slept, or tried to, on +the couch. An athletic black belonging to some coast +tribe, and educated by my poor predecessor, was the +helmsman. He sported a pair of brass earrings, wore a +blue cloth wrapper from the waist to the ankles, and +thought all the world of himself. He was the most +unstable kind of fool I had ever seen. He steered with +no end of a swagger while you were by; but if he lost +sight of you, he became instantly the prey of an abject +funk, and would let that cripple of a steamboat get the +upper hand of him in a minute. + +"I was looking down at the sounding-pole, and feel- +ing much annoyed to see at each try a little more of it +stick out of that river, when I saw my poleman give up +the business suddenly, and stretch himself flat on +the deck, without even taking the trouble to haul his +pole in. He kept hold on it though, and it trailed in +the water. At the same time the fireman, whom I could +also see below me, sat down abruptly before his furnace +and ducked his head. I was amazed. Then I had to look +at the river mighty quick, because there was a snag in +the fairway. Sticks, little sticks, were flying about-- +thick: they were whizzing before my nose, dropping be- +low me, striking behind me against my pilot-house. All +this time the river, the shore, the woods, were very quiet-- +perfectly quiet. I could only hear the heavy splashing +thump of the stern-wheel and the patter of these things. +We cleared the snag clumsily. Arrows, by Jove! We +were being shot at! I stepped in quickly to close the +shutter on the land side. That fool-helmsman, his hands +on the spokes, was lifting his knees high, stamping his +feet, champing his mouth, like a reined-in horse. Con- +found him! And we were staggering within ten feet of +the bank. I had to lean right out to swing the heavy +shutter, and I saw a face amongst the leaves on the +level with my own, looking at me very fierce and steady; +and then suddenly, as though a veil had been removed +from my eyes, I made out, deep in the tangled gloom, +naked breasts, arms, legs, glaring eyes,--the bush was +swarming with human limbs in movement, glistening, of +bronze color. The twigs shook, swayed, and rustled, the +arrows flew out of them, and then the shutter came to. +'Steer her straight,' I said to the helmsman. He held +his head rigid, face forward; but his eyes rolled, he +kept on lifting and setting down his feet gently, his +mouth foamed a little. 'Keep quiet!' I said in a fury. +I might just as well have ordered a tree not to sway +in the wind. I darted out. Below me there was a great +scuffle of feet on the iron deck; confused exclamations; +a voice screamed, 'Can you turn back?' I caught shape +of a V-shaped ripple on the water ahead. What? An- +other snag! A fusillade burst out under my feet. The +pilgrims had opened with their Winchesters, and were +simply squirting lead into that bush. A deuce of a +lot of smoke came up and drove slowly forward. I +swore at it. Now I couldn't see the ripple or the snag +either. I stood in the doorway, peering, and the arrows +came in swarms. They might have been poisoned, but +they looked as though they wouldn't kill a cat. The +bush began to howl. Our wood-cutters raised a warlike +whoop; the report of a rifle just at my back deafened +me. I glanced over my shoulder, and the pilot-house +was yet full of noise and smoke when I made a dash +at the wheel. The fool-nigger had dropped everything, +to throw the shutter open and let off that Martini-Henry. +He stood before the wide opening, glaring, and I yelled +at him to come back, while I straightened the sudden +twist out of that steamboat. There was no room to +turn even if I had wanted to, the snag was somewhere +very near ahead in that confounded smoke, there +was no time to lose, so I just crowded her into the +bank--right into the bank, where I knew the water +was deep. + +"We tore slowly along the overhanging bushes in a +whirl of broken twigs and flying leaves. The fusillade +below stopped short, as I had foreseen it would when +the squirts got empty. I threw my head back to a glint- +ing whizz that traversed the pilot-house, in at one shutter- +hole and out at the other. Looking past that mad helms- +man, who was shaking the empty rifle and yelling at +the shore, I saw vague forms of men running bent double, +leaping, gliding, distinct, incomplete, evanescent. Some- +thing big appeared in the air before the shutter, the +rifle went overboard, and the man stepped back swiftly, +looked at me over his shoulder in an extraordinary, pro- +found, familiar manner, and fell upon my feet. The +side of his head hit the wheel twice, and the end of what +appeared a long cane clattered round and knocked over +a little camp-stool. It looked as though after wrench- +ing that thing from somebody ashore he had lost his +balance in the effort. The thin smoke had blown away, +we were clear of the snag, and looking ahead I could see +that in another hundred yards or so I would be free to +sheer off, away from the bank; but my feet felt so very +warm and wet that I had to look down. The man had +rolled on his back and stared straight up at me; both +his hands clutched that cane. It was the shaft of a +spear that, either thrown or lunged through the open- +ing, had caught him in the side just below the ribs; the +blade had gone in out of sight, after making a frightful +gash; my shoes were full; a pool of blood lay very still, +gleaming dark-red under the wheel; his eyes shone with +an amazing luster. The fusillade burst out again. He +looked at me anxiously, gripping the spear like some- +thing precious, with an air of being afraid I would try +to take it away from him. I had to make an effort to +free my eyes from his gaze and attend to the steering. +With one hand I felt above my head for the line of the +steam-whistled, and jerked out screech after screech hur- +riedly. The tumult of angry and warlike yells was +checked instantly, and then from the depths of the woods +went out such a tremulous and prolonged wail of mourn- +ful fear and utter despair as may be imagined to follow +the flight of the last hope from the earth. There was +a great commotion in the bush; the shower of arrows +stopped, a few dropping shots rang out sharply--then +silence, in which the languid beat of the stern-wheel +came plainly to my ears. I put the helm hard a-star- +board at the moment when the pilgrim in pink pyjamas, +very hot and agitated, appeared in the doorway. 'The +manager sends me--' he began in an official tone, and +stopped short. 'Good God!' he said, glaring at the +wounded man. + +"We two whites stood over him, and his lustrous and +inquiring glance enveloped us both. I declare it looked +as though he would presently put to us some question in +an understandable language; but he died without utter- +ing a sound, without moving a limb, without twitching +a muscle. Only in the very last moment, as though in +response to some sign we could not see, to some whisper +we could not hear, he frowned heavily, and that frown +gave to his black death-mask an inconceivably somber, +brooding, and menacing expression. The luster of in- +quiring glance faded swiftly into vacant glassiness. 'Can +you steer?' I asked the agent eagerly. He looked very +dubious; but I made a grab at his arm, and he under- +stood at once I meant him to steer whether or no. To +tell you the truth, I was morbidly anxious to change +my shoes and socks. 'He is dead,' murmured the fel- +low, immensely impressed. 'No doubt about it,' said I, +tugging like mad at the shoe-laces. 'And, by the way, +I suppose Mr. Kurtz is dead as well by this time.' + +"For the moment that was the dominant thought. +There was a sense of extreme disappointment, as though +I had found out I had been striving after something al- +together without a substance. I couldn't have been more +disgusted if I had traveled all this way for the sole +purpose of talking with Mr. Kurtz. Talking with. +. . . I flung one shoe overboard, and became aware +that that was exactly what I had been looking forward +to--a talk with Kurtz. I made the strange discovery +that I had never imagined him as doing, you know, but +as discoursing. I didn't say to myself, 'Now I will +never see him,' or 'Now I will never shake him by the +hand,' but, 'Now I will never hear him.' The man pre- +sented himself as a voice. Not of course that I did not +connect him with some sort of action. Hadn't I been +told in all the tones of jealousy and admiration that he +had collected, bartered, swindled, or stolen more ivory +than all the other agents together. That was not the +point. The point was in his being a gifted creature, and +that of all his gifts the one that stood out pre- +eminently, that carried with it a sense of real presence, +was his ability to talk, his words--the gift of expression, +the bewildering, the illuminating, the most exalted and +the most contemptible, the pulsating stream of light, or +the deceitful flow from the heart of an impenetrable +darkness. + +"The other shoe went flying unto the devil-god of that +river. I thought, By Jove! it's all over. We are too +late; he has vanished--the gift has vanished, by means +of some spear, arrow, or club. I will never hear that +chap speak after all,--and my sorrow had a startling +extravagance of emotion, even such as I had noticed in +the howling sorrow of these savages in the bush. I +couldn't have felt more of lonely desolation somehow, +had I been robbed of a belief or had missed my destiny +in life. . . . Why do you sigh in this beastly way, +somebody? Absurd? Well, absurd. Good Lord! +mustn't a man ever-- Here, give me some to- +bacco." . . . + +There was a pause of profound stillness, then a match +flared, and Marlow's lean face appeared, worn, hollow, +with downward folds and dropped eyelids, with an aspect +of concentrated attention; and as he took vigorous draws +at his pipe, it seemed to retreat and advance out of the +night in the regular flicker of the tiny flame. The match +went out. + +"Absurd!" he cried. "This is the worst of trying +to tell. . . . Here you all are, each moored with two +good addresses, like a hulk with two anchors, a butcher +round one corner, a policeman round another, excellent +appetites, and temperature normal--you hear--normal +from year's end to year's end. And you say, Absurd! +Absurd be--exploded! Absurd! My dear boys, what +can you expect from a man who out of sheer nervous- +ness had just flung overboard a pair of new shoes. +Now I think of it, it is amazing I did not shed tears. +I am, upon the whole, proud of my fortitude. I was +cut to the quick at the idea of having lost the inestimable +privilege of listening to the gifted Kurtz. Of course +I was wrong. The privilege was waiting for me. Oh +yes, I heard more than enough. And I was right, too. +A voice. He was very little more than a voice. And +I heard--him--it--this voice--other voices--all of them +were so little more than voices--and the memory of that +time itself lingers around me, impalpable, like a dying +vibration of one immense jabber, silly, atrocious, sordid, +savage, or simply mean, without any kind of sense. +Voices, voices--even the girl herself--now--" + +He was silent for a long time. + +"I laid the ghost of his gifts at last with a lie," he +began suddenly. "Girl! What? Did I mention a +girl? Oh, she is out of it--completely. They--the +women I mean--are out of it--should be out of it. We +must help them to stay in that beautiful world of their +own, lest ours gets worse. Oh, she had to be out of it. +You should have heard the disinterred body of Mr. +Kurtz saying, 'My Intended.' You would have per- +ceived directly then how completely she was out of it. +And the lofty frontal bone of Mr. Kurtz! They say +the hair goes on growing sometimes, but this--ah-- +specimen, was impressively bald. The wilderness had +patted him on the head, and, behold, it was like a ball +--an ivory ball; it had caressed him, and--lo!--he had +withered; it had taken him, loved him, embraced him, +got into his veins, consumed his flesh, and sealed his +soul to its own by the inconceivable ceremonies of some +devilish initiation. He was its spoiled and pampered +favorite. Ivory? I should think so. Heaps of it, +stacks of it. The old mud shanty was bursting with it. +You would think there was not a single tusk left either +above or below the ground in the whole country. 'Mostly +fossil,' the manager had remarked disparagingly. It +was no more fossil than I am; but they call it fossil +when it is dug up. It appears these niggers do bury +the tusks sometimes--but evidently they couldn't bury +this parcel deep enough to save the gifted Mr. Kurtz +from his fate. We filled the steamboat with it, and had +to pile a lot on the deck. Thus he could see and enjoy +as long as he could see, because the appreciation of +this favor had remained with him to the last. You should +have heard him say, 'My ivory.' Oh yes, I heard him. +'My Intended, my ivory, my station, my river, my--' +everything belonged to him. It made me hold my breath +in expectation of hearing the wilderness burst into a +prodigious peal of laughter that would shake the fixed +stars in their places. Everything belonged to him--but +that was a trifle. The thing was to know what he be- +longed to, how many powers of darkness claimed him +for their own. That was the reflection that made you +creepy all over. It was impossible--it was not good for +one either--trying to imagine. He had taken a high +seat amongst the devils of the land--I mean literally. +You can't understand. How could you?--with solid +pavement under your feet, surrounded by kind neigh- +bors ready to cheer you or to fall on you, stepping +delicately between the butcher and the policeman, in the +holy terror of scandal and gallows and lunatic asylums +--how can you imagine what particular region of the +first ages a man's untrammeled feet may take him into +by the way of solitude--utter solitude without a police- +man--by the way of silence, utter silence, where no +warning voice of a kind neighbor can be heard whisper- +ing of public opinion? These little things make all the +great difference. When they are gone you must fall +back upon your own innate strength, upon your own +capacity for faithfulness. Of course you may be too +much of a fool to go wrong--too dull even to know you +are being assaulted by the powers of darkness. I take +it, no fool ever made a bargain for his soul with the +devil: the fool is too much of a fool, or the devil too +much of a devil--I don't know which. Or you may be +such a thunderingly exalted creature as to be altogether +deaf and blind to anything but heavenly sights and +sounds. Then the earth for you is only a standing place +--and whether to be like this is your loss or your gain I +won't pretend to say. But most of us are neither one +nor the other. The earth for us is a place to live in, +where we must put up with sights, with sounds, with +smells too, by Jove!--breathe dead hippo, so to speak, +and not be contaminated. And there, don't you see? +your strength comes in, the faith in your ability for the +digging of unostentatious holes to bury the stuff in-- +your power of devotion, not to yourself, but to an +obscure, back-breaking business. And that's difficult +enough. Mind, I am not trying to excuse or even ex- +plain--I am trying to account to myself for--for--Mr. +Kurtz--for the shade of Mr. Kurtz. This initiated +wraith from the back of Nowhere honored me with its +amazing confidence before it vanished altogether. This +was because it could speak English to me. The original +Kurtz had been educated partly in England, and--as +he was good enough to say himself--his sympathies were +in the right place. His mother was half-English, his +father was half-French. All Europe contributed to the +making of Kurtz; and by-and-by I learned that, most +appropriately, the International Society for the Sup- +pression of Savage Customs had intrusted him with the +making of a report, for its future guidance. And he +had written it too. I've seen it. I've read it. It was +eloquent, vibrating with eloquence, but too high-strung, +I think. Seventeen pages of close writing he had found +time for! But this must have been before his--let us +say--nerves, went wrong, and caused him to preside at +certain midnight dances ending with unspeakable rites, +which--as far as I reluctantly gathered from what I +heard at various times--were offered up to him--do you +understand?--to Mr. Kurtz himself. But it was a beau- +tiful piece of writing. The opening paragraph, how- +ever, in the light of later information, strikes me now +as ominous. He began with the argument that we whites, +from the point of development we had arrived at, 'must +necessarily appear to them [savages] in the nature of +supernatural beings--we approach them with the might +as of a deity,' and so on, and so on. 'By the simple +exercise of our will we can exert a power for good +practically unbounded,' &c., &c. From that point he +soared and took me with him. The peroration was mag- +nificent, though difficult to remember, you know. It +gave me the notion of an exotic Immensity ruled by +an august Benevolence. It made me tingle with en- +thusiasm. This was the unbounded power of eloquence +--of words--of burning noble words. There were no +practical hints to interrupt the magic current of phrases, +unless a kind of note at the foot of the last page, +scrawled evidently much later, in an unsteady hand, +may be regarded as the exposition of a method. It +was very simple, and at the end of that moving appeal +to every altruistic sentiment it blazed at you, luminous +and terrifying, like a flash of lightning in a serene sky: +'Exterminate all the brutes!' The curious part was +that he had apparently forgotten all about that valu- +able postscriptum, because, later on, when he in a sense +came to himself, he repeatedly entreated me to take +good care of 'my pamphlet' (he called it), as it was +sure to have in the future a good influence upon his +career. I had full information about all these things, +and, besides, as it turned out, I was to have the care of +his memory. I've done enough for it to give me the +indisputable right to lay it, if I choose, for an everlast- +ing rest in the dust-bin of progress, amongst all the +sweepings and, figuratively speaking, all the dead cats +of civilization. But then, you see, I can't choose. He +won't be forgotten. Whatever he was, he was not com- +mon. He had the power to charm or frighten rudi- +mentary souls into an aggravated witch-dance in his +honor; he could also fill the small souls of the pilgrims +with bitter misgivings: he had one devoted friend at +least, and he had conquered one soul in the world that +was neither rudimentary nor tainted with self-seeking. +No; I can't forget him, though I am not prepared to +affirm the fellow was exactly worth the life we lost in +getting to him. I missed my late helmsman awfully,-- +I missed him even while his body was still lying in the +pilot-house. Perhaps you will think it passing strange +this regret for a savage who was no more account than +a grain of sand in a black Sahara. Well, don't you see, +he had done something, he had steered; for months I +had him at my back--a help--an instrument. It was +a kind of partnership. He steered for me--I had to +look after him, I worried about his deficiencies, and thus +a subtle bond had been created, of which I only became +aware when it was suddenly broken. And the intimate +profundity of that look he gave me when he received +his hurt remains to this day in my memory--like a claim +of distant kinship affirmed in a supreme moment. + +"Poor fool! If he had only left that shutter alone. +He had no restraint, no restraint--just like Kurtz--a +tree swayed by the wind. As soon as I had put on a dry +pair of slippers, I dragged him out, after first jerking +the spear out of his side, which operation I confess I +performed with my eyes shut tight. His heels leaped +together over the little door-step; his shoulders were +pressed to my breast; I hugged him from behind des- +perately. Oh! he was heavy, heavy; heavier than any +man on earth, I should imagine. Then without more +ado I tipped him overboard. The current snatched him +as though he had been a wisp of grass, and I saw the +body roll over twice before I lost sight of it for ever. +All the pilgrims and the manager were then congregated +on the awning-deck about the pilot-house, chattering at +each other like a flock of excited magpies, and there was +a scandalized murmur at my heartless promptitude. +What they wanted to keep that body hanging about for +I can't guess. Embalm it, maybe. But I had also heard +another, and a very ominous, murmur on the deck below. +My friends the wood-cutters were likewise scandalized, +and with a better show of reason--though I admit that +the reason itself was quite inadmissible. Oh, quite! I +had made up my mind that if my late helmsman was to +be eaten, the fishes alone should have him. He had +been a very second-rate helmsman while alive, but now +he was dead he might have become a first-class tempta- +tion, and possibly cause some startling trouble. Besides, +I was anxious to take the wheel, the man in pink pyjamas +showing himself a hopeless duffer at the business. + +"This I did directly the simple funeral was over. We +were going half-speed, keeping right in the middle of +the stream, and I listened to the talk about me. They +had given up Kurtz, they had given up the station; +Kurtz was dead, and the station had been burnt--and +so on--and so on. The red-haired pilgrim was beside +himself with the thought that at least this poor Kurtz +had been properly revenged. 'Say! We must have +made a glorious slaughter of them in the bush. Eh? +What do you think? Say?' He positively danced, the +bloodthirsty little gingery beggar. And he had nearly +fainted when he saw the wounded man! I could not +help saying, 'You made a glorious lot of smoke, any- +how.' I had seen, from the way the tops of the bushes +rustled and flew, that almost all the shots had gone too +high. You can't hit anything unless you take aim and +fire from the shoulder; but these chaps fired from the +hip with their eyes shut. The retreat, I maintained-- +and I was right--was caused by the screeching of the +steam-whistle. Upon this they forgot Kurtz, and began +to howl at me with indignant protests. + +"The manager stood by the wheel murmuring confi- +dentially about the necessity of getting well away down +the river before dark at all events, when I saw in the +distance a clearing on the river-side and the outlines of +some sort of building. 'What's this?' I asked. He +clapped his hands in wonder. 'The station!' he cried. +I edged in at once, still going half-speed. + +"Through my glasses I saw the slope of a hill inter- +spersed with rare trees and perfectly free from under- +growth. A long decaying building on the summit was +half buried in the high grass; the large holes in the +peaked roof gaped black from afar; the jungle and +the woods made a background. There was no inclosure +or fence of any kind; but there had been one apparently, +for near the house half-a-dozen slim posts remained in +a row, roughly trimmed, and with their upper ends orna- +mented with round carved balls. The rails, or what- +ever there had been between, had disappeared. Of +course the forest surrounded all that. The river-bank +was clear, and on the water-side I saw a white man under +a hat like a cart-wheel beckoning persistently with his +whole arm. Examining the edge of the forest above and +below, I was almost certain I could see movements-- +human forms gliding here and there. I steamed past +prudently, then stopped the engines and let her drift +down. The man on the shore began to shout, urging us +to land. 'We have been attacked,' screamed the man- +ager. 'I know--I know. It's all right,' yelled back the +other, as cheerful as you please. 'Come along. It's all +right. I am glad.' + +"His aspect reminded me of something I had seen-- +something funny I had seen somewhere. As I maneuvered +to get alongside, I was asking myself, 'What does this +fellow look like?' Suddenly I got it. He looked like a +harlequin. His clothes had been made of some stuff +that was brown holland probably, but it was covered with +patches all over, with bright patches, blue, red, and yel- +low,--patches on the back, patches on front, patches on +elbows, on knees; colored binding round his jacket, scar- +let edging at the bottom of his trousers; and the sun- +shine made him look extremely gay and wonderfully neat +withal, because you could see how beautifully all this +patching had been done. A beardless, boyish face, very +fair, no features to speak of, nose peeling, little blue +eyes, smiles and frowns chasing each other over that +open countenance like sunshine and shadow on a wind- +swept plain. 'Look out, captain!' he cried; 'there's a +snag lodged in here last night.' What! Another +snag? I confess I swore shamefully. I had nearly holed +my cripple, to finish off that charming trip. The harle- +quin on the bank turned his little pug nose up to me. +'You English?' he asked, all smiles. 'Are you?' I +shouted from the wheel. The smiles vanished, and he +shook his head as if sorry for my disappointment. Then +he brightened up. 'Never mind!' he cried encourag- +ingly. 'Are we in time?' I asked. 'He is up there,' +he replied, with a toss of the head up the hill, and +becoming gloomy all of a sudden. His face was like +the autumn sky, overcast one moment and bright the +next. + +"When the manager, escorted by the pilgrims, all of +them armed to the teeth, had gone to the house, this +chap came on board. 'I say, I don't like this. These +natives are in the bush,' I said. He assured me earnestly +it was all right. 'They are simple people,' he added; +'well, I am glad you came. It took me all my time to +keep them off.' 'But you said it was all right,' I cried. +'Oh, they meant no harm,' he said; and as I stared he +corrected himself, 'Not exactly.' Then vivaciously, +'My faith, your pilot-house wants a clean up!' In the +next breath he advised me to keep enough steam on the +boiler to blow the whistle in case of any trouble. 'One +good screech will do more for you than all your rifles. +They are simple people,' he repeated. He rattled away +at such a rate he quite overwhelmed me. He seemed to +be trying to make up for lots of silence, and actually +hinted, laughing, that such was the case. 'Don't you +talk with Mr. Kurtz?' I said. 'You don't talk with +that man--you listen to him,' he exclaimed with severe +exaltation. 'But now--' He waved his arm, and in +the twinkling of an eye was in the uttermost depths of +despondency. In a moment he came up again with a +jump, possessed himself of both my hands, shook them +continuously, while he gabbled: 'Brother sailor . . . +honor . . . pleasure . . . delight . . . introduce +myself . . . Russian . . . son of an arch-priest +. . . Government of Tambov . . . What? Tobacco! +English tobacco; the excellent English tobacco! Now, +that's brotherly. Smoke? Where's a sailor that does +not smoke?' + +"The pipe soothed him, and gradually I made out he +had run away from school, had gone to sea in a Russian +ship; ran away again; served some time in English +ships; was now reconciled with the arch-priest. He made +a point of that. 'But when one is young one must see +things, gather experience, ideas; enlarge the mind.' +'Here!' I interrupted. 'You can never tell! Here I +have met Mr. Kurtz,' he said, youthfully solemn and +reproachful. I held my tongue after that. It appears +he had persuaded a Dutch trading-house on the coast +to fit him out with stores and goods, and had started for +the interior with a light heart, and no more idea of what +would happen to him than a baby. He had been wan- +dering about that river for nearly two years alone, cut +off from everybody and everything. 'I am not so young +as I look. I am twenty-five,' he said. 'At first old Van +Shuyten would tell me to go to the devil,' he narrated +with keen enjoyment; 'but I stuck to him, and talked +and talked, till at last he got afraid I would talk the +hind-leg off his favorite dog, so he gave me some cheap +things and a few guns, and told me he hoped he would +never see my face again. Good old Dutchman, Van +Shuyten. I've sent him one small lot of ivory a year +ago, so that he can't call me a little thief when I get +back. I hope he got it. And for the rest I don't care. +I had some wood stacked for you. That was my old +house. Did you see?' + +"I gave him Towson's book. He made as though he +would kiss me, but restrained himself. 'The only book +I had left, and I thought I had lost it,' he said, looking +at it ecstatically. 'So many accidents happen to a man +going about alone, you know. Canoes get upset some- +times--and sometimes you've got to clear out so quick +when the people get angry.' He thumbed the pages. +'You made notes in Russian?' I asked. He nodded. +'I thought they were written in cipher,' I said. He +laughed, then became serious. 'I had lots of trouble +to keep these people off,' he said. 'Did they want to +kill you?' I asked. 'Oh no!' he cried, and checked him- +self. 'Why did they attack us?' I pursued. He hesi- +tated, then said shamefacedly, 'They don't want him to +go.' 'Don't they?' I said, curiously. He nodded a +nod full of mystery and wisdom. 'I tell you,' he cried, +'this man has enlarged my mind.' He opened his arms +wide, staring at me with his little blue eyes that were +perfectly round." +III + + +"I looked at him, lost in astonishment. There he +was before me, in motley, as though he had absconded +from a troupe of mimes, enthusiastic, fabulous. His +very existence was improbable, inexplicable, and alto- +gether bewildering. He was an insoluble problem. It +was inconceivable how he had existed, how he had suc- +ceeded in getting so far, how he had managed to remain +--why he did not instantly disappear. 'I went a little +farther,' he said, 'then still a little farther--till I had +gone so far that I don't know how I'll ever get back. +Never mind. Plenty time. I can manage. You take +Kurtz away quick--quick--I tell you.' The glamour of +youth enveloped his particolored rags, his destitution, his +loneliness, the essential desolation of his futile wander- +ings. For months--for years--his life hadn't been +worth a day's purchase; and there he was gallantly, +thoughtlessly alive, to all appearance indestructible solely +by the virtue of his few years and of his unreflecting +audacity. I was seduced into something like admiration +--like envy. Glamour urged him on, glamour kept him +unscathed. He surely wanted nothing from the wilder- +ness but space to breathe in and to push on through. +His need was to exist, and to move onwards at the great- +est possible risk, and with a maximum of privation. If +the absolutely pure, uncalculating, unpractical spirit of +adventure had ever ruled a human being, it ruled this +be-patched youth. I almost envied him the possession +of this modest and clear flame. It seemed to have con- +sumed all thought of self so completely, that, even while +he was talking to you, you forgot that it was he--the +man before your eyes--who had gone through these +things. I did not envy him his devotion to Kurtz, +though. He had not meditated over it. It came to him, +and he accepted it with a sort of eager fatalism. I must +say that to me it appeared about the most dangerous +thing in every way he had come upon so far. + +"They had come together unavoidably, like two ships +becalmed near each other, and lay rubbing sides at last. +I suppose Kurtz wanted an audience, because on a cer- +tain occasion, when encamped in the forest, they had +talked all night, or more probably Kurtz had talked. +'We talked of everything,' he said, quite transported +at the recollection. 'I forgot there was such a thing +as sleep. The night did not seem to last an hour. Every- +thing! Everything! . . . Of love too.' 'Ah, he +talked to you of love!' I said, much amused. 'It isn't +what you think,' he cried, almost passionately. 'It was +in general. He made me see things--things.' + +"He threw his arms up. We were on deck at the time, +and the headman of my wood-cutters, lounging near by, +turned upon him his heavy and glittering eyes. I looked +around, and I don't know why, but I assure you that +never, never before, did this land, this river, this jungle, +the very arch of this blazing sky, appear to me so hope- +less and so dark, so impenetrable to human thought, so +pitiless to human weakness. 'And, ever since, you have +been with him, of course?' I said. + +"On the contrary. It appears their intercourse had +been very much broken by various causes. He had, as +he informed me proudly, managed to nurse Kurtz +through two illnesses (he alluded to it as you would to +some risky feat), but as a rule Kurtz wandered alone, +far in the depths of the forest. 'Very often coming to +this station, I had to wait days and days before he would +turn up,' he said. 'Ah, it was worth waiting for!-- +sometimes.' 'What was he doing? exploring or what?' +I asked. 'Oh yes, of course;' he had discovered lots of +villages, a lake too--he did not know exactly in what +direction; it was dangerous to inquire too much--but +mostly his expeditions had been for ivory. 'But he had +no goods to trade with by that time,' I objected. 'There's +a good lot of cartridges left even yet,' he answered, look- +ing away. 'To speak plainly, he raided the country,' +I said. He nodded. 'Not alone, surely!' He muttered +something about the villages round that lake. 'Kurtz +got the tribe to follow him, did he?' I suggested. He +fidgeted a little. 'They adored him,' he said. The tone +of these words was so extraordinary that I looked at +him searchingly. It was curious to see his mingled eager- +ness and reluctance to speak of Kurtz. The man filled +his life, occupied his thoughts, swayed his emotions. +'What can you expect?' he burst out; 'he came to them +with thunder and lightning, you know--and they had +never seen anything like it--and very terrible. He could +be very terrible. You can't judge Mr. Kurtz as you +would an ordinary man. No, no, no! Now--just to +give you an idea--I don't mind telling you, he wanted +to shoot me too one day--but I don't judge him.' +'Shoot you!' I cried. 'What for?' 'Well, I had a +small lot of ivory the chief of that village near my house +gave me. You see I used to shoot game for them. Well, +he wanted it, and wouldn't hear reason. He declared +he would shoot me unless I gave him the ivory and then +cleared out of the country, because he could do so, and +had a fancy for it, and there was nothing on earth to +prevent him killing whom he jolly well pleased. And it +was true too. I gave him the ivory. What did I care! +But I didn't clear out. No, no. I couldn't leave him. +I had to be careful, of course, till we got friendly again +for a time. He had his second illness then. Afterwards +I had to keep out of the way; but I didn't mind. He +was living for the most part in those villages on the +lake. When he came down to the river, sometimes he +would take to me, and sometimes it was better for me +to be careful. This man suffered too much. He hated +all this, and somehow he couldn't get away. When I had +a chance I begged him to try and leave while there was +time; I offered to go back with him. And he would +say yes, and then he would remain; go off on another +ivory hunt; disappear for weeks; forget himself amongst +these people--forget himself--you know.' 'Why! he's +mad,' I said. He protested indignantly. Mr. Kurtz +couldn't be mad. If I had heard him talk, only two +days ago, I wouldn't dare hint at such a thing. . . . +I had taken up my binoculars while we talked and +was looking at the shore, sweeping the limit of the +forest at each side and at the back of the house. The +consciousness of there being people in that bush, so silent, +so quiet--as silent and quiet as the ruined house on the +hill--made me uneasy. There was no sign on the face +of nature of this amazing tale that was not so much +told as suggested to me in desolate exclamations, com- +pleted by shrugs, in interrupted phrases, in hints ending +in deep sighs. The woods were unmoved, like a mask-- +heavy, like the closed door of a prison--they looked with +their air of hidden knowledge, of patient expectation, +of unapproachable silence. The Russian was explaining +to me that it was only lately that Mr. Kurtz had come +down to the river, bringing along with him all the fight- +ing men of that lake tribe. He had been absent for +several months--getting himself adored, I suppose--and +had come down unexpectedly, with the intention to all +appearance of making a raid either across the river or +down stream. Evidently the appetite for more ivory +had got the better of the--what shall I say?--less ma- +terial aspirations. However he had got much worse +suddenly. 'I heard he was lying helpless, and so I came +up--took my chance,' said the Russian. 'Oh, he is +bad, very bad.' I directed my glass to the house. There +were no signs of life, but there was the ruined roof, +the long mud wall peeping above the grass, with three +little square window-holes, no two of the same size; all +this brought within reach of my hand, as it were. And +then I made a brusque movement, and one of the remain- +ing posts of that vanished fence leaped up in the field +of my glass. You remember I told you I had been +struck at the distance by certain attempts at ornamenta- +tion, rather remarkable in the ruinous aspect of the place. +Now I had suddenly a nearer view, and its first result +was to make me throw my head back as if before a blow. +Then I went carefully from post to post with my glass, +and I saw my mistake. These round knobs were not +ornamental but symbolic; they were expressive and +puzzling, striking and disturbing--food for thought and +also for the vultures if there had been any looking down +from the sky; but at all events for such ants as were +industrious enough to ascend the pole. They would +have been even more impressive, those heads on the +stakes, if their faces had not been turned to the house. +Only one, the first I had made out, was facing my way. +I was not so shocked as you may think. The start back +I had given was really nothing but a movement of sur- +prise. I had expected to see a knob of wood there, you +know. I returned deliberately to the first I had seen-- +and there it was, black, dried, sunken, with closed eye- +lids,--a head that seemed to sleep at the top of that pole, +and, with the shrunken dry lips showing a narrow white +line of the teeth, was smiling too, smiling continuously +at some endless and jocose dream of that eternal slumber. + +"I am not disclosing any trade secrets. In fact the +manager said afterwards that Mr. Kurtz's methods had +ruined the district. I have no opinion on that point, +but I want you clearly to understand that there was +nothing exactly profitable in these heads being there. +They only showed that Mr. Kurtz lacked restraint in the +gratification of his various lusts, that there was some- +thing wanting in him--some small matter which, when +the pressing need arose, could not be found under his +magnificent eloquence. Whether he knew of this de- +ficiency himself I can't say. I think the knowledge came +to him at last--only at the very last. But the wilder- +ness had found him out early, and had taken on him +a terrible vengeance for the fantastic invasion. I think +it had whispered to him things about himself which he +did not know, things of which he had no conception till +he took counsel with this great solitude--and the whisper +had proved irresistibly fascinating. It echoed loudly +within him because he was hollow at the core. . . . I +put down the glass, and the head that had appeared +near enough to be spoken to seemed at once to have +leaped away from me into inaccessible distance. + +"The admirer of Mr. Kurtz was a bit crestfallen. In +a hurried, indistinct voice he began to assure me he had +not dared to take these--say, symbols--down. He was +not afraid of the natives; they would not stir till Mr. +Kurtz gave the word. His ascendency was extraor- +dinary. The camps of these people surrounded the +place, and the chiefs came every day to see him. They +would crawl. . . . 'I don't want to know anything of +the ceremonies used when approaching Mr. Kurtz,' I +shouted. Curious, this feeling that came over me that +such details would be more intolerable than those heads +drying on the stakes under Mr. Kurtz's windows. After +all, that was only a savage sight, while I seemed at one +bound to have been transported into some lightless +region of subtle horrors, where pure, uncomplicated +savagery was a positive relief, being something that had +a right to exist--obviously--in the sunshine. The +young man looked at me with surprise. I suppose it +did not occur to him Mr. Kurtz was no idol of mine. +He forgot I hadn't heard any of these splendid mono- +logues on, what was it? on love, justice, conduct of life +--or what not. If it had come to crawling before Mr. +Kurtz, he crawled as much as the veriest savage of them +all. I had no idea of the conditions, he said: these heads +were the heads of rebels. I shocked him excessively by +laughing. Rebels! What would be the next definition +I was to hear? There had been enemies, criminals, work- +ers--and these were rebels. Those rebellious heads looked +very subdued to me on their sticks. 'You don't know how +such a life tries a man like Kurtz,' cried Kurtz's last +disciple. 'Well, and you?' I said. 'I! I! I am a +simple man. I have no great thoughts. I want nothing +from anybody. How can you compare me to . . .?" +His feelings were too much for speech, and suddenly he +broke down. 'I don't understand,' he groaned. 'I've +been doing my best to keep him alive, and that's enough. +I had no hand in all this. I have no abilities. There +hasn't been a drop of medicine or a mouthful of invalid +food for months here. He was shamefully abandoned. +A man like this, with such ideas. Shamefully! +Shamefully! I--I--haven't slept for the last ten +nights. . . .' + +"His voice lost itself in the calm of the evening. The +long shadows of the forest had slipped down hill while +we talked, had gone far beyond the ruined hovel, be- +yond the symbolic row of stakes. All this was in the +gloom, while we down there were yet in the sunshine, +and the stretch of the river abreast of the clearing +glittered in a still and dazzling splendor, with a murky +and over-shadowed bend above and below. Not a living +soul was seen on the shore. The bushes did not rustle. + +"Suddenly round the corner of the house a group of +men appeared, as though they had come up from the +ground. They waded waist-deep in the grass, in a +compact body, bearing an improvised stretcher in their +midst. Instantly, in the emptiness of the landscape, a +cry arose whose shrillness pierced the still air like a sharp +arrow flying straight to the very heart of the land; and, +as if by enchantment, streams of human beings--of +naked human beings--with spears in their hands, with +bows, with shields, with wild glances and savage move- +ments, were poured into the clearing by the dark-faced +and pensive forest. The bushes shook, the grass swayed +for a time, and then everything stood still in attentive +immobility. + +"'Now, if he does not say the right thing to them we +are all done for,' said the Russian at my elbow. The +knot of men with the stretcher had stopped too, half-way +to the steamer, as if petrified. I saw the man on the +stretcher sit up, lank and with an uplifted arm, above +the shoulders of the bearers. 'Let us hope that the +man who can talk so well of love in general will find +some particular reason to spare us this time,' I said. I +resented bitterly the absurd danger of our situation, as +if to be at the mercy of that atrocious phantom had +been a dishonoring necessity. I could not hear a sound, +but through my glasses I saw the thin arm extended +commandingly, the lower jaw moving, the eyes of that +apparition shining darkly far in its bony head that +nodded with grotesque jerks. Kurtz--Kurtz--that +means short in German--don't it? Well, the name was +as true as everything else in his life--and death. He +looked at least seven feet long. His covering had fallen +off, and his body emerged from it pitiful and appalling +as from a winding-sheet. I could see the cage of his +ribs all astir, the bones of his arm waving. It was as +though an animated image of death carved out of old +ivory had been shaking its hand with menaces at a +motionless crowd of men made of dark and glittering +bronze. I saw him open his mouth wide--it gave him +a weirdly voracious aspect, as though he had wanted to +swallow all the air, all the earth, all the men before him. +A deep voice reached me faintly. He must have been +shouting. He fell back suddenly. The stretcher shook +as the bearers staggered forward again, and almost at +the same time I noticed that the crowd of savages was +vanishing without any perceptible movement of retreat, +as if the forest that had ejected these beings so suddenly +had drawn them in again as the breath is drawn in a +long aspiration. + +"Some of the pilgrims behind the stretcher carried his +arms--two shot-guns, a heavy rifle, and a light revolver- +carbine--the thunderbolts of that pitiful Jupiter. The +manager bent over him murmuring as he walked beside +his head. They laid him down in one of the little cabins +--just a room for a bed-place and a camp-stool or two, +you know. We had brought his belated correspondence, +and a lot of torn envelopes and open letters littered his +bed. His hand roamed feebly amongst these papers. I +was struck by the fire of his eyes and the composed +languor of his expression. It was not so much the ex- +haustion of disease. He did not seem in pain. This +shadow looked satiated and calm, as though for the +moment it had had its fill of all the emotions. + +"He rustled one of the letters, and looking straight +in my face said, 'I am glad.' Somebody had been writ- +ing to him about me. These special recommendations +were turning up again. The volume of tone he emitted +without effort, almost without the trouble of moving his +lips, amazed me. A voice! a voice! It was grave, pro- +found, vibrating, while the man did not seem capable +of a whisper. However, he had enough strength in +him--factitious no doubt--to very nearly make an end +of us, as you shall hear directly. + +"The manager appeared silently in the doorway; I +stepped out at once and he drew the curtain after me. +The Russian, eyed curiously by the pilgrims, was star- +ing at the shore. I followed the direction of his glance. + +"Dark human shapes could be made out in the distance, +flitting indistinctly against the gloomy border of the +forest, and near the river two bronze figures, leaning +on tall spears, stood in the sunlight under fantastic head- +dresses of spotted skins, warlike and still in statuesque +repose. And from right to left along the lighted shore +moved a wild and gorgeous apparition of a woman. + +"She walked with measured steps, draped in striped +and fringed cloths, treading the earth proudly, with a +slight jingle and flash of barbarous ornaments. She +carried her head high; her hair was done in the shape +of a helmet; she had brass leggings to the knee, brass +wire gauntlets to the elbow, a crimson spot on her tawny +cheek, innumerable necklaces of glass beads on her neck; +bizarre things, charms, gifts of witch-men, that hung +about her, glittered and trembled at every step. She +must have had the value of several elephant tusks upon +her. She was savage and superb, wild-eyed and magnifi- +cent; there was something ominous and stately in her +deliberate progress. And in the hush that had fallen +suddenly upon the whole sorrowful land, the immense +wilderness, the colossal body of the fecund and mys- +terious life seemed to look at her, pensive, as though it +had been looking at the image of its own tenebrous and +passionate soul. + +"She came abreast of the steamer, stood still, and faced +us. Her long shadow fell to the water's edge. Her face +had a tragic and fierce aspect of wild sorrow and of +dumb pain mingled with the fear of some struggling, +half-shaped resolve. She stood looking at us without +a stir and like the wilderness itself, with an air of brood- +ing over an inscrutable purpose. A whole minute passed, +and then she made a step forward. There was a low +jingle, a glint of yellow metal, a sway of fringed draper- +ies, and she stopped as if her heart had failed her. The +young fellow by my side growled. The pilgrims mur- +mured at my back. She looked at us all as if her life +had depended upon the unswerving steadiness of her +glance. Suddenly she opened her bared arms and threw +them up rigid above her head, as though in an uncon- +trollable desire to touch the sky, and at the same time +the swift shadows darted out on the earth, swept around +on the river, gathering the steamer into a shadowy em- +brace. A formidable silence hung over the scene. + +"She turned away slowly, walked on, following the +bank, and passed into the bushes to the left. Once only +her eyes gleamed back at us in the dusk of the thickets +before she disappeared. + +"'If she had offered to come aboard I really think I +would have tried to shoot her,' said the man of patches, +nervously. 'I had been risking my life every day for +the last fortnight to keep her out of the house. She +got in one day and kicked up a row about those miser- +able rags I picked up in the storeroom to mend my clothes +with. I wasn't decent. At least it must have been that, +for she talked like a fury to Kurtz for an hour, point- +ing at me now and then. I don't understand the dia- +lect of this tribe. Luckily for me, I fancy Kurtz felt +too ill that day to care, or there would have been mis- +chief. I don't understand. . . . No--it's too much +for me. Ah, well, it's all over now.' + +"At this moment I heard Kurtz's deep voice behind +the curtain, 'Save me!--save the ivory, you mean. Don't +tell me. Save ME! Why, I've had to save you. You +are interrupting my plans now. Sick! Sick! Not so +sick as you would like to believe. Never mind. I'll +carry my ideas out yet--I will return. I'll show you +what can be done. You with your little peddling no- +tions--you are interfering with me. I will return. +I . . .' + +"The manager came out. He did me the honor to +take me under the arm and lead me aside. 'He is very +low, very low,' he said. He considered it necessary to +sigh, but neglected to be consistently sorrowful. 'We +have done all we could for him--haven't we? But there +is no disguising the fact, Mr. Kurtz has done more +harm than good to the Company. He did not see the +time was not ripe for vigorous action. Cautiously, cau- +tiously--that's my principle. We must be cautious yet. +The district is closed to us for a time. Deplorable! Upon +the whole, the trade will suffer. I don't deny there is +a remarkable quantity of ivory--mostly fossil. We must +save it, at all events--but look how precarious the posi- +tion is--and why? Because the method is unsound.' +'Do you,' said I, looking at the shore, 'call it "unsound +method"?' 'Without doubt,' he exclaimed, hotly. +'Don't you?' . . . 'No method at all,' I murmured +after a while. 'Exactly,' he exulted. 'I anticipated +this. Shows a complete want of judgment. It is my +duty to point it out in the proper quarter.' 'Oh,' said +I, 'that fellow--what's his name?--the brickmaker, will +make a readable report for you.' He appeared con- +founded for a moment. It seemed to me I had never +breathed an atmosphere so vile, and I turned mentally +to Kurtz for relief--positively for relief. 'Neverthe- +less I think Mr. Kurtz is a remarkable man,' I said with +emphasis. He started, dropped on me a cold heavy +glance, said very quietly, 'He WAS,' and turned his back +on me. My hour of favor was over; I found myself +lumped along with Kurtz as a partisan of methods for +which the time was not ripe: I was unsound! Ah! but it +was something to have at least a choice of nightmares. + +"I had turned to the wilderness really, not to Mr. +Kurtz, who, I was ready to admit, was as good as buried. +And for a moment it seemed to me as if I also were +buried in a vast grave full of unspeakable secrets. I +felt an intolerable weight oppressing my breast, the +smell of the damp earth, the unseen presence of victorious +corruption, the darkness of an impenetrable night. . . . +The Russian tapped me on the shoulder. I heard him +mumbling and stammering something about 'brother +seaman--couldn't conceal--knowledge of matters that +would affect Mr. Kurtz's reputation.' I waited. For +him evidently Mr. Kurtz was not in his grave; I suspect +that for him Mr. Kurtz was one of the immortals. +'Well!' said I at last, 'speak out. As it happens, I am +Mr. Kurtz's friend--in a way.' + +"He stated with a good deal of formality that had +we not been 'of the same profession,' he would have +kept the matter to himself without regard to conse- +quences. 'He suspected there was an active ill-will to- +wards him on the part of these white men that--' +'You are right,' I said, remembering a certain conversa- +tion I had overheard. 'The manager thinks you ought +to be hanged.' He showed a concern at this intelligence +which amused me at first. 'I had better get out of the +way quietly,' he said, earnestly. 'I can do no more for +Kurtz now, and they would soon find some excuse. +What's to stop them? There's a military post three hun- +dred miles from here.' 'Well, upon my word,' said I, +'perhaps you had better go if you have any friends +amongst the savages near by.' 'Plenty,' he said. 'They +are simple people--and I want nothing, you know.' +He stood biting his lips, then: 'I don't want any harm to +happen to these whites here, but of course I was think- +ing of Mr. Kurtz's reputation--but you are a brother +seaman and--' 'All right,' said I, after a time. +'Mr. Kurtz's reputation is safe with me.' I did not +know how truly I spoke. + +"He informed me, lowering his voice, that it was +Kurtz who had ordered the attack to be made on the +steamer. 'He hated sometimes the idea of being taken +away--and then again. . . . But I don't understand +these matters. I am a simple man. He thought it would +scare you away--that you would give it up, thinking +him dead. I could not stop him. Oh, I had an awful +time of it this last month.' 'Very well,' I said. 'He is +all right now.' 'Ye-e-es,' he muttered, not very con- +vinced apparently. 'Thanks,' said I; 'I shall keep my +eyes open.' 'But quiet--eh?' he urged, anxiously. 'It +would be awful for his reputation if anybody here--' +I promised a complete discretion with great gravity. 'I +have a canoe and three black fellows waiting not very +far. I am off. Could you give me a few Martini-Henry +cartridges?' I could, and did, with proper secrecy. He +helped himself, with a wink at me, to a handful of my +tobacco. 'Between sailors--you know--good English +tobacco.' At the door of the pilot-house he turned round +--'I say, haven't you a pair of shoes you could spare?' +He raised one leg. 'Look.' The soles were tied with +knotted strings sandal-wise under his bare feet. I rooted +out an old pair, at which he looked with admiration be- +fore tucking it under his left arm. One of his pockets +(bright red) was bulging with cartridges, from the +other (dark blue) peeped 'Towson's Inquiry,' &c., &c. +He seemed to think himself excellently well equipped +for a renewed encounter with the wilderness. 'Ah! I'll +never, never meet such a man again. You ought to +have heard him recite poetry--his own too it was, he told +me. Poetry!' He rolled his eyes at the recollection +of these delights. 'Oh, he enlarged my mind!' 'Good- +by,' said I. He shook hands and vanished in the night. +Sometimes I ask myself whether I had ever really seen +him--whether it was possible to meet such a phenome- +non! . . . + +"When I woke up shortly after midnight his warning +came to my mind with its hint of danger that seemed, +in the starred darkness, real enough to make me get +up for the purpose of having a look round. On the +hill a big fire burned, illuminating fitfully a crooked +corner of the station-house. One of the agents with +a picket of a few of our blacks, armed for the purpose, +was keeping guard over the ivory; but deep within the +forest, red gleams that wavered, that seemed to sink and +rise from the ground amongst confused columnar shapes +of intense blackness, showed the exact position of the +camp where Mr. Kurtz's adorers were keeping their un- +easy vigil. The monotonous beating of a big drum filled +the air with muffled shocks and a lingering vibration. A +steady droning sound of many men chanting each to +himself some weird incantation came out from the black, +flat wall of the woods as the humming of bees comes +out of a hive, and had a strange narcotic effect upon +my half-awake senses. I believe I dozed off leaning +over the rail, till an abrupt burst of yells, an over- +whelming outbreak of a pent-up and mysterious frenzy, +woke me up in a bewildered wonder. It was cut short +all at once, and the low droning went on with an effect +of audible and soothing silence. I glanced casually into +the little cabin. A light was burning within, but Mr. +Kurtz was not there. + +"I think I would have raised an outcry if I had be- +lieved my eyes. But I didn't believe them at first--the +thing seemed so impossible. The fact is I was completely +unnerved by a sheer blank fright, pure abstract terror, +unconnected with any distinct shape of physical danger. +What made this emotion so overpowering was--how shall +I define it?--the moral shock I received, as if something +altogether monstrous, intolerable to thought and odious +to the soul, had been thrust upon me unexpectedly. This +lasted of course the merest fraction of a second, and +then the usual sense of commonplace, deadly danger, the +possibility of a sudden onslaught and massacre, or some- +thing of the kind, which I saw impending, was positively +welcome and composing. It pacified me, in fact, so +much, that I did not raise an alarm. + +"There was an agent buttoned up inside an ulster +and sleeping on a chair on deck within three feet of +e. The yells had not awakened him; he snored very +slightly; I left him to his slumbers and leaped ashore. +I did not betray Mr. Kurtz--it was ordered I should +never betray him--it was written I should be loyal to +the nightmare of my choice. I was anxious to deal +with this shadow by myself alone,--and to this day I +don't know why I was so jealous of sharing with any- +one the peculiar blackness of that experience. + +"As soon as I got on the bank I saw a trail--a broad +trail through the grass. I remember the exultation with +which I said to myself, 'He can't walk--he is crawling +on all-fours--I've got him.' The grass was wet with +dew. I strode rapidly with clenched fists. I fancy I +had some vague notion of falling upon him and giving +him a drubbing. I don't know. I had some imbecile +thoughts. The knitting old woman with the cat ob- +truded herself upon my memory as a most improper +person to be sitting at the other end of such an affair. +I saw a row of pilgrims squirting lead in the air out +of Winchesters held to the hip. I thought I would +never get back to the steamer, and imagined myself +living alone and unarmed in the woods to an advanced +age. Such silly things--you know. And I remember +I confounded the beat of the drum with the beating of +my heart, and was pleased at its calm regularity. + +"I kept to the track though--then stopped to listen. +The night was very clear: a dark blue space, sparkling +with dew and starlight, in which black things stood +very still. I thought I could see a kind of motion ahead +of me. I was strangely cocksure of everything that +night. I actually left the track and ran in a wide semi- +circle (I verily believe chuckling to myself) so as to +get in front of that stir, of that motion I had seen-- +if indeed I had seen anything. I was circumventing +Kurtz as though it had been a boyish game. + +"I came upon him, and, if he had not heard me coming, +I would have fallen over him too, but he got up in +time. He rose, unsteady, long, pale, indistinct, like a +vapor exhaled by the earth, and swayed slightly, misty +and silent before me; while at my back the fires loomed +between the trees, and the murmur of many voices issued +from the forest. I had cut him off cleverly; but when +actually confronting him I seemed to come to my senses, +I saw the danger in its right proportion. It was by +no means over yet. Suppose he began to shout? Though +he could hardly stand, there was still plenty of vigor +in his voice. 'Go away--hide yourself,' he said, in that +profound tone. It was very awful. I glanced back. +We were within thirty yards from the nearest fire. A +black figure stood up, strode on long black legs, waving +long black arms, across the glow. It had horns--ante- +lope horns, I think--on its head. Some sorcerer, some +witch-man, no doubt: it looked fiend-like enough. 'Do +you know what you are doing?' I whispered. 'Per- +fectly,' he answered, raising his voice for that single +word: it sounded to me far off and yet loud, like a hail +through a speaking-trumpet. If he makes a row we +are lost, I thought to myself. This clearly was not a +case for fisticuffs, even apart from the very natural +aversion I had to beat that Shadow--this wandering and +tormented thing. 'You will be lost,' I said--'utterly +lost.' One gets sometimes such a flash of inspiration, +you know. I did say the right thing, though indeed +he could not have been more irretrievably lost than he +was at this very moment, when the foundations of our +intimacy were being laid--to endure--to endure--even +to the end--even beyond. + +"'I had immense plans,' he muttered irresolutely. +'Yes,' said I; 'but if you try to shout I'll smash your +head with--' there was not a stick or a stone near. 'I +will throttle you for good,' I corrected myself. 'I was +on the threshold of great things,' he pleaded, in a voice +of longing, with a wistfulness of tone that made my +blood run cold. 'And now for this stupid scoundrel--' +'Your success in Europe is assured in any case,' I af- +firmed, steadily. I did not want to have the throttling +of him, you understand--and indeed it would have been +very little use for any practical purpose. I tried to +break the spell--the heavy, mute spell of the wilder- +ness--that seemed to draw him to its pitiless breast by +the awakening of forgotten and brutal instincts, by the +memory of gratified and monstrous passions. This alone, +I was convinced, had driven him out to the edge of the +forest, to the bush, towards the gleam of fires, the throb +of drums, the drone of weird incantations; this alone +had beguiled his unlawful soul beyond the bounds of +permitted aspirations. And, don't you see, the terror +of the position was not in being knocked on the head +--though I had a very lively sense of that danger too +--but in this, that I had to deal with a being to whom +I could not appeal in the name of anything high or low. +I had, even like the niggers, to invoke him--himself-- +his own exalted and incredible degradation. There was +nothing either above or below him, and I knew it. He +had kicked himself loose of the earth. Confound the +man! he had kicked the very earth to pieces. He was +alone, and I before him did not know whether I stood +on the ground or floated in the air. I've been telling +you what we said--repeating the phrases we pronounced, +--but what's the good? They were common everyday +words,--the familiar, vague sounds exchanged on every +waking day of life. But what of that? They had be- +hind them, to my mind, the terrific suggestiveness of +words heard in dreams, of phrases spoken in night- +mares. Soul! If anybody had ever struggled with a +soul, I am the man. And I wasn't arguing with a luna- +tic either. Believe me or not, his intelligence was per- +fectly clear--concentrated, it is true, upon himself with +horrible intensity, yet clear; and therein was my only +chance--barring, of course, the killing him there and +then, which wasn't so good, on account of unavoidable +noise. But his soul was mad. Being alone in the wilder- +ness, it had looked within itself, and, by heavens! I tell +you, it had gone mad. I had--for my sins, I suppose-- +to go through the ordeal of looking into it myself. No +eloquence could have been so withering to one's belief +in mankind as his final burst of sincerity. He struggled +with himself, too. I saw it,--I heard it. I saw the in- +conceivable mystery of a soul that knew no restraint, no +faith, and no fear, yet struggling blindly with itself. I +kept my head pretty well; but when I had him at last +stretched on the couch, I wiped my forehead, while my +legs shook under me as though I had carried half a +ton on my back down that hill. And yet I had only +supported him, his bony arm clasped round my neck +--and he was not much heavier than a child. + +"When next day we left at noon, the crowd, of whose +presence behind the curtain of trees I had been acutely +conscious all the time, flowed out of the woods again, +filled the clearing, covered the slope with a mass of naked, +breathing, quivering, bronze bodies. I steamed up a +bit, then swung down-stream, and two thousand eyes +followed the evolutions of the splashing, thumping, +fierce river-demon beating the water with its terrible tail +and breathing black smoke into the air. In front of +the first rank, along the river, three men, plastered with +bright red earth from head to foot, strutted to and fro +restlessly. When we came abreast again, they faced the +river, stamped their feet, nodded their horned heads, +swayed their scarlet bodies; they shook towards the fierce +river-demon a bunch of black feathers, a mangy skin +with a pendent tail--something that looked like a dried +gourd; they shouted periodically together strings of +amazing words that resembled no sounds of human lan- +guage; and the deep murmurs of the crowd, inter- +rupted suddenly, were like the response of some satanic +litany. + +"We had carried Kurtz into the pilot-house: there was +more air there. Lying on the couch, he stared through +the open shutter. There was an eddy in the mass of +human bodies, and the woman with helmeted head and +tawny cheeks rushed out to the very brink of the stream. +She put out her hands, shouted something, and all that +wild mob took up the shout in a roaring chorus of +articulated, rapid, breathless utterance. + +"'Do you understand this?' I asked. + +"He kept on looking out past me with fiery, longing +eyes, with a mingled expression of wistfulness and hate. +He made no answer, but I saw a smile, a smile of inde- +finable meaning, appear on his colorless lips that a mo- +ment after twitched convulsively. 'Do I not?' he said +slowly, gasping, as if the words had been torn out of +him by a supernatural power. + +"I pulled the string of the whistle, and I did this +because I saw the pilgrims on deck getting out their +rifles with an air of anticipating a jolly lark. At the +sudden screech there was a movement of abject terror +through that wedged mass of bodies. 'Don't! don't! +you frighten them away,' cried someone on deck dis- +consolately. I pulled the string time after time. They +broke and ran, they leaped, they crouched, they swerved, +they dodged the flying terror of the sound. The three +red chaps had fallen flat, face down on the shore, as +though they had been shot dead. Only the barbarous +and superb woman did not so much as flinch, and +stretched tragically her bare arms after us over the +somber and glittering river. + +"And then that imbecile crowd down on the deck +started their little fun, and I could see nothing more +for smoke. + +"The brown current ran swiftly out of the heart of +darkness, bearing us down towards the sea with twice +the speed of our upward progress; and Kurtz's life was +running swiftly too, ebbing, ebbing out of his heart +into the sea of inexorable time. The manager was very +placid, he had no vital anxieties now, he took us both +in with a comprehensive and satisfied glance: the 'affair' +had come off as well as could be wished. I saw the time +approaching when I would be left alone of the party of +'unsound method.' The pilgrims looked upon me with +disfavor. I was, so to speak, numbered with the dead. +It is strange how I accepted this unforeseen partner- +ship, this choice of nightmares forced upon me in the +tenebrous land invaded by these mean and greedy phan- +toms. + +"Kurtz discoursed. A voice! a voice! It rang deep +to the very last. It survived his strength to hide in +the magnificent folds of eloquence the barren darkness +of his heart. Oh, he struggled! he struggled! The +wastes of his weary brain were haunted by shadowy +images now--images of wealth and fame revolving +obsequiously round his unextinguishable gift of noble +and lofty expression. My Intended, my station, my +career, my ideas--these were the subjects for the occa- +sional utterances of elevated sentiments. The shade of +the original Kurtz frequented the bedside of the hollow +sham, whose fate it was to be buried presently in the +mold of primeval earth. But both the diabolic love and +the unearthly hate of the mysteries it had penetrated +fought for the possession of that soul satiated with +primitive emotions, avid of lying fame, of sham dis- +tinction, of all the appearances of success and power. + +"Sometimes he was contemptibly childish. He desired +to have kings meet him at railway-stations on his return +from some ghastly Nowhere, where he intended to ac- +complish great things. 'You show them you have in +you something that is really profitable, and then there +will be no limits to the recognition of your ability,' he +would say. 'Of course you must take care of the mo- +tives--right motives--always.' The long reaches that +were like one and the same reach, monotonous bends that +were exactly alike, slipped past the steamer with their +multitude of secular trees looking patiently after this +grimy fragment of another world, the forerunner of +change, of conquest, of trade, of massacres, of blessings. +I looked ahead--piloting. 'Close the shutter,' said +Kurtz suddenly one day; 'I can't bear to look at this.' +I did so. There was a silence. 'Oh, but I will wring +your heart yet!' he cried at the invisible wilderness. + +"We broke down--as I had expected--and had to lie +up for repairs at the head of an island. This delay +was the first thing that shook Kurtz's confidence. One +morning he gave me a packet of papers and a photo- +graph,--the lot tied together with a shoe-string. 'Keep +this for me,' he said. 'This noxious fool' (meaning +the manager) 'is capable of prying into my boxes when +I am not looking.' In the afternoon I saw him. He +was lying on his back with closed eyes, and I withdrew +quietly, but I heard him mutter, 'Live rightly, die, +die . . .' I listened. There was nothing more. Was +he rehearsing some speech in his sleep, or was it a frag- +ment of a phrase from some newspaper article? He had +been writing for the papers and meant to do so again, +'for the furthering of my ideas. It's a duty.' + +"His was an impenetrable darkness. I looked at him +as you peer down at a man who is lying at the bottom +of a precipice where the sun never shines. But I had +not much time to give him, because I was helping the +engine-driver to take to pieces the leaky cylinders, to +straighten a bent connecting-rod, and in other such +matters. I lived in an infernal mess of rust, filings, +nuts, bolts, spanners, hammers, ratchet-drills--things I +abominate, because I don't get on with them. I tended +the little forge we fortunately had aboard; I toiled +wearily in a wretched scrap-heap--unless I had the +shakes too bad to stand. + +"One evening coming in with a candle I was startled +to hear him say a little tremulously, 'I am lying here +in the dark waiting for death.' The light was within +a foot of his eyes. I forced myself to murmur, 'Oh, +nonsense!' and stood over him as if transfixed. + +"Anything approaching the change that came over +his features I have never seen before, and hope never +to see again. Oh, I wasn't touched. I was fascinated. +It was as though a veil had been rent. I saw on that +ivory face the expression of somber pride, of ruthless +power, of craven terror--of an intense and hopeless +despair. Did he live his life again in every detail of +desire, temptation, and surrender during that supreme +moment of complete knowledge? He cried in a whisper +at some image, at some vision,--he cried out twice, a +cry that was no more than a breath-- + +"'The horror! The horror!' + +"I blew the candle out and left the cabin. The pil- +grims were dining in the mess-room, and I took my +place opposite the manager, who lifted his eyes to give +me a questioning glance, which I successfully ignored. +He leaned back, serene, with that peculiar smile of his +sealing the unexpressed depths of his meanness. A con- +tinuous shower of small flies streamed upon the lamp, +upon the cloth, upon our hands and faces. Suddenly +the manager's boy put his insolent black head in the +doorway, and said in a tone of scathing contempt-- + +"'Mistah Kurtz--he dead.' + +"All the pilgrims rushed out to see. I remained, and +went on with my dinner. I believe I was considered +brutally callous. However, I did not eat much. There +was a lamp in there--light, don't you know--and outside +it was so beastly, beastly dark. I went no more near +the remarkable man who had pronounced a judgment +upon the adventures of his soul on this earth. The +voice was gone. What else had been there? But I am +of course aware that next day the pilgrims buried some- +thing in a muddy hole. + +"And then they very nearly buried me. + +"However, as you see, I did not go to join Kurtz +there and then. I did not. I remained to dream the +nightmare out to the end, and to show my loyalty to +Kurtz once more. Destiny. My destiny! Droll thing +life is--that mysterious arrangement of merciless logic +for a futile purpose. The most you can hope from it +is some knowledge of yourself--that comes too late--a +crop of unextinguishable regrets. I have wrestled with +death. It is the most unexciting contest you can imagine. +It takes place in an impalpable grayness, with nothing +underfoot, with nothing around, without spectators, +without clamor, without glory, without the great desire +of victory, without the great fear of defeat, in a sickly +atmosphere of tepid skepticism, without much belief in +your own right, and still less in that of your adversary. +If such is the form of ultimate wisdom, then life is a +greater riddle than some of us think it to be. I was +within a hair's-breadth of the last opportunity for pro- +nouncement, and I found with humiliation that probably +I would have nothing to say. This is the reason why I +affirm that Kurtz was a remarkable man. He had some- +thing to say. He said it. Since I had peeped over the +edge myself, I understand better the meaning of his +stare, that could not see the flame of the candle, but was +wide enough to embrace the whole universe, piercing +enough to penetrate all the hearts that beat in the dark- +ness. He had summed up--he had judged. 'The +horror!' He was a remarkable man. After all, this +was the expression of some sort of belief; it had candor, +it had conviction, it had a vibrating note of revolt in its +whisper, it had the appalling face of a glimpsed truth +--the strange commingling of desire and hate. And it +is not my own extremity I remember best--a vision of +grayness without form filled with physical pain, and a +careless contempt for the evanescence of all things--even +of this pain itself. No! It is his extremity that I seem +to have lived through. True, he had made that last +stride, he had stepped over the edge, while I had been +permitted to draw back my hesitating foot. And per- +haps in this is the whole difference; perhaps all the wis- +dom, and all truth, and all sincerity, are just compressed +into that inappreciable moment of time in which we step +over the threshold of the invisible. Perhaps! I like to +think my summing-up would not have been a word of +careless contempt. Better his cry--much better. It was +an affirmation, a moral victory paid for by innumerable +defeats, by abominable terrors, by abominable satisfac- +tions. But it was a victory! That is why I have re- +mained loyal to Kurtz to the last, and even beyond, +when a long time after I heard once more, not his own +voice, but the echo of his magnificent eloquence thrown +to me from a soul as translucently pure as a cliff of +crystal. + +"No, they did not bury me, though there is a period +of time which I remember mistily, with a shuddering +wonder, like a passage through some inconceivable world +that had no hope in it and no desire. I found myself +back in the sepulchral city resenting the sight of people +hurrying through the streets to filch a little money from +each other, to devour their infamous cookery, to gulp +their unwholesome beer, to dream their insignificant and +silly dreams. They trespassed upon my thoughts. They +were intruders whose knowledge of life was to me an +irritating pretense, because I felt so sure they could +not possibly know the things I knew. Their bearing, +which was simply the bearing of commonplace individuals +going about their business in the assurance of perfect +safety, was offensive to me like the outrageous flaunt- +ings of folly in the face of a danger it is unable to +comprehend. I had no particular desire to enlighten +them, but I had some difficulty in restraining myself +from laughing in their faces, so full of stupid impor- +tance. I dare say I was not very well at that time. I +tottered about the streets--there were various affairs to +settle--grinning bitterly at perfectly respectable per- +sons. I admit my behavior was inexcusable, but then my +temperature was seldom normal in these days. My dear +aunt's endeavors to 'nurse up my strength' seemed alto- +gether beside the mark. It was not my strength that +wanted nursing, it was my imagination that wanted +soothing. I kept the bundle of papers given me by +Kurtz, not knowing exactly what to do with it. His +mother had died lately, watched over, as I was told, by +his Intended. A clean-shaved man, with an official +manner and wearing gold-rimmed spectacles, called on +me one day and made inquiries, at first circuitous, after- +wards suavely pressing, about what he was pleased to +denominate certain 'documents.' I was not surprised, +because I had had two rows with the manager on the +subject out there. I had refused to give up the smallest +scrap out of that package, and I took the same attitude +with the spectacled man. He became darkly menacing +at last, and with much heat argued that the Company +had the right to every bit of information about its 'ter- +ritories.' And, said he, 'Mr. Kurtz's knowledge of +unexplored regions must have been necessarily extensive +and peculiar--owing to his great abilities and to the +deplorable circumstances in which he had been placed: +therefore'--I assured him Mr. Kurtz's knowledge, +however extensive, did not bear upon the problems of +commerce or administration. He invoked then the name +of science. 'It would be an incalculable loss if,' &c., &c. +I offered him the report on the 'Suppression of Savage +Customs,' with the postscriptum torn off. He took it +up eagerly, but ended by sniffing at it with an air of +contempt. 'This is not what we had a right to expect,' +he remarked. 'Expect nothing else,' I said. 'There +are only private letters.' He withdrew upon some threat +of legal proceedings, and I saw him no more; but an- +other fellow, calling himself Kurtz's cousin, appeared +two days later, and was anxious to hear all the details +about his dear relative's last moments. Incidentally he +gave me to understand that Kurtz had been essentially +a great musician. 'There was the making of an im- +mense success,' said the man, who was an organist, I +believe, with lank gray hair flowing over a greasy coat- +collar. I had no reason to doubt his statement; and to +this day I am unable to say what was Kurtz's pro- +fession, whether he ever had any--which was the greatest +of his talents. I had taken him for a painter who wrote +for the papers, or else for a journalist who could paint +--but even the cousin (who took snuff during the inter- +view) could not tell me what he had been--exactly. He +was a universal genius--on that point I agreed with the +old chap, who thereupon blew his nose noisily into a +large cotton handkerchief and withdrew in senile agita- +tion, bearing off some family letters and memoranda +without importance. Ultimately a journalist anxious to +know something of the fate of his 'dear colleague' +turned up. This visitor informed me Kurtz's proper +sphere ought to have been politics 'on the popular side.' +He had furry straight eyebrows, bristly hair cropped +short, an eye-glass on a broad ribbon, and, becoming +expansive, confessed his opinion that Kurtz really +couldn't write a bit--'but heavens! how that man could +talk! He electrified large meetings. He had faith-- +don't you see?--he had the faith. He could get himself +to believe anything--anything. He would have been +a splendid leader of an extreme party.' 'What party?' +I asked. 'Any party,' answered the other. 'He was +an--an--extremist.' Did I not think so? I assented. +Did I know, he asked, with a sudden flash of curiosity, +'what it was that had induced him to go out there?' +'Yes,' said I, and forthwith handed him the famous +Report for publication, if he thought fit. He glanced +through it hurriedly, mumbling all the time, judged 'it +would do,' and took himself off with this plunder. + +"Thus I was left at last with a slim packet of letters +and the girl's portrait. She struck me as beautiful-- +I mean she had a beautiful expression. I know that the +sunlight can be made to lie too, yet one felt that no +manipulation of light and pose could have conveyed the +delicate shade of truthfulness upon those features. She +seemed ready to listen without mental reservation, with- +out suspicion, without a thought for herself. I con- +cluded I would go and give her back her portrait and +those letters myself. Curiosity? Yes; and also some +other feeling perhaps. All that had been Kurtz's had +passed out of my hands: his soul, his body, his station, +his plans, his ivory, his career. There remained only +his memory and his Intended--and I wanted to give that +up too to the past, in a way,--to surrender personally +all that remained of him with me to that oblivion which +is the last word of our common fate. I don't defend +myself. I had no clear perception of what it was I +really wanted. Perhaps it was an impulse of uncon- +scious loyalty, or the fulfillment of one of these ironic +necessities that lurk in the facts of human existence. +I don't know. I can't tell. But I went. + +"I thought his memory was like the other memories +of the dead that accumulate in every man's life,--a vague +impress on the brain of shadows that had fallen on it +in their swift and final passage; but before the high and +ponderous door, between the tall houses of a street as +still and decorous as a well-kept alley in a cemetery, I +had a vision of him on the stretcher, opening his mouth +voraciously, as if to devour all the earth with all its +mankind. He lived then before me; he lived as much +as he had ever lived--a shadow insatiable of splendid +appearances, of frightful realities; a shadow darker than +the shadow of the night, and draped nobly in the folds +of a gorgeous eloquence. The vision seemed to enter +the house with me--the stretcher, the phantom-bearers, +the wild crowd of obedient worshipers, the gloom of the +forests, the glitter of the reach between the murky bends, +the beat of the drum, regular and muffled like the beat- +ing of a heart--the heart of a conquering darkness. It +was a moment of triumph for the wilderness, an invad- +ing and vengeful rush which, it seemed to me, I would +have to keep back alone for the salvation of another +soul. And the memory of what I had heard him say +afar there, with the horned shapes stirring at my back, +in the glow of fires, within the patient woods, those +broken phrases came back to me, were heard again in +their ominous and terrifying simplicity. I remembered +his abject pleading, his abject threats, the colossal scale +of his vile desires, the meanness, the torment, the tem- +pestuous anguish of his soul. And later on I seemed to +see his collected languid manner, when he said one day, +'This lot of ivory now is really mine. The Company +did not pay for it. I collected it myself at a very great +personal risk. I am afraid they will try to claim it as +theirs though. H'm. It is a difficult case. What do +you think I ought to do--resist? Eh? I want no more +than justice.' . . . He wanted no more than justice-- +no more than justice. I rang the bell before a mahogany +door on the first floor, and while I waited he seemed to +stare at me out of the glassy panel--stare with that wide +and immense stare embracing, condemning, loathing all +the universe. I seemed to hear the whispered cry, 'The +horror! The horror!' + +"The dusk was falling. I had to wait in a lofty draw- +ing-room with three long windows from floor to ceiling +that were like three luminous and bedraped columns. +The bent gilt legs and backs of the furniture shone in +indistinct curves. The tall marble fireplace had a cold +and monumental whiteness. A grand piano stood mas- +sively in a corner, with dark gleams on the flat sur- +faces like a somber and polished sarcophagus. A high +door opened--closed. I rose. + +"She came forward, all in black, with a pale head, +floating towards me in the dusk. She was in mourning. +It was more than a year since his death, more than a +year since the news came; she seemed as though she +would remember and mourn for ever. She took both +my hands in hers and murmured, 'I had heard you +were coming.' I noticed she was not very young--I +mean not girlish. She had a mature capacity for fidelity, +for belief, for suffering. The room seemed to have +grown darker, as if all the sad light of the cloudy +evening had taken refuge on her forehead. This fair +hair, this pale visage, this pure brow, seemed surrounded +by an ashy halo from which the dark eyes looked out at +me. Their glance was guileless, profound, confident, and +trustful. She carried her sorrowful head as though she +were proud of that sorrow, as though she would say, I +--I alone know how to mourn for him as he deserves. +But while we were still shaking hands, such a look of +awful desolation came upon her face that I perceived she +was one of those creatures that are not the playthings +of Time. For her he had died only yesterday. And, +by Jove! the impression was so powerful that for me too +he seemed to have died only yesterday--nay, this very +minute. I saw her and him in the same instant of time +--his death and her sorrow--I saw her sorrow in the +very moment of his death. Do you understand? I saw +them together--I heard them together. She had said, +with a deep catch of the breath, 'I have survived;' while +my strained ears seemed to hear distinctly, mingled with +her tone of despairing regret, the summing-up whisper +of his eternal condemnation. I asked myself what I +was doing there, with a sensation of panic in my heart +as though I had blundered into a place of cruel and +absurd mysteries not fit for a human being to behold. +She motioned me to a chair. We sat down. I laid the +packet gently on the little table, and she put her hand +over it. . . . 'You knew him well,' she murmured, +after a moment of mourning silence. + +"'Intimacy grows quick out there,' I said. 'I knew +him as well as it is possible for one man to know another.' + +"'And you admired him,' she said. 'It was impossible +to know him and not to admire him. Was it?' + +"'He was a remarkable man,' I said, unsteadily. Then +before the appealing fixity of her gaze, that seemed to +watch for more words on my lips, I went on, 'It was +impossible not to--' + +"'Love him,' she finished eagerly, silencing me into +an appalled dumbness. 'How true! how true! But +when you think that no one knew him so well as I! I +had all his noble confidence. I knew him best.' + +"'You knew him best,' I repeated. And perhaps she +did. But with every word spoken the room was growing +darker, and only her forehead, smooth and white, re- +mained illumined by the unextinguishable light of belief +and love. + +"'You were his friend,' she went on. 'His friend,' +she repeated, a little louder. 'You must have been, if +he had given you this, and sent you to me. I feel I +can speak to you--and oh! I must speak. I want you +--you who have heard his last words--to know I have +been worthy of him. . . . It is not pride. . . . Yes! +I am proud to know I understood him better than any- +one on earth--he told me so himself. And since his +mother died I have had no one--no one--to--to--' + +"I listened. The darkness deepened. I was not even +sure whether he had given me the right bundle. I rather +suspect he wanted me to take care of another batch of +his papers which, after his death, I saw the manager +examining under the lamp. And the girl talked, easing +her pain in the certitude of my sympathy; she talked as +thirsty men drink. I had heard that her engagement +with Kurtz had been disapproved by her people. He +wasn't rich enough or something. And indeed I don't +know whether he had not been a pauper all his life. He +had given me some reason to infer that it was his im- +patience of comparative poverty that drove him out +there. + +"'. . . Who was not his friend who had heard him +speak once?' she was saying. 'He drew men towards +him by what was best in them.' She looked at me with +intensity. 'It is the gift of the great,' she went on, +and the sound of her low voice seemed to have the ac- +companiment of all the other sounds, full of mystery, +desolation, and sorrow, I had ever heard--the ripple of +the river, the soughing of the trees swayed by the wind, +the murmurs of wild crowds, the faint ring of incom- +prehensible words cried from afar, the whisper of a +voice speaking from beyond the threshold of an eternal +darkness. 'But you have heard him! You know!' she +cried. + +"'Yes, I know,' I said with something like despair +in my heart, but bowing my head before the faith that +was in her, before that great and saving illusion that +shone with an unearthly glow in the darkness, in the +triumphant darkness from which I could not have de- +fended her--from which I could not even defend +myself. + +"'What a loss to me--to us!'--she corrected herself +with beautiful generosity; then added in a murmur, 'To +the world.' By the last gleams of twilight I could see +the glitter of her eyes, full of tears--of tears that would +not fall. + +"'I have been very happy--very fortunate--very +proud,' she went on. 'Too fortunate. Too happy for +a little while. And now I am unhappy for--for +life.' + +"She stood up; her fair hair seemed to catch all the +remaining light in a glimmer of gold. I rose too. + +"'And of all this,' she went on, mournfully, 'of all his +promise, and of all his greatness, of his generous mind, +of his noble heart, nothing remains--nothing but a +memory. You and I--' + +"'We shall always remember him,' I said, hastily. + +"'No!' she cried. 'It is impossible that all this should +be lost--that such a life should be sacrificed to leave +nothing--but sorrow. You know what vast plans he +had. I knew of them too--I could not perhaps under- +stand,--but others knew of them. Something must re- +main. His words, at least, have not died.' + +"'His words will remain,' I said. + +"'And his example,' she whispered to herself. 'Men +looked up to him,--his goodness shone in every act. His +example--' + +"'True,' I said; 'his example too. Yes, his example. +I forgot that.' + +"'But I do not. I cannot--I cannot believe--not yet. +I cannot believe that I shall never see him again, that +nobody will see him again, never, never, never.' + +"She put out her arms as if after a retreating figure, +stretching them black and with clasped pale hands across +the fading and narrow sheen of the window. Never see +him! I saw him clearly enough then. I shall see this +eloquent phantom as long as I live, and I shall see her +too, a tragic and familiar Shade, resembling in this ges- +ture another one, tragic also, and bedecked with power- +less charms, stretching bare brown arms over the glitter +of the infernal stream, the stream of darkness. She said +suddenly very low, 'He died as he lived.' + +"'His end,' said I, with dull anger stirring in me, +'was in every way worthy of his life.' + +"'And I was not with him,' she murmured. My anger +subsided before a feeling of infinite pity. + +"'Everything that could be done--' I mumbled. + +"'Ah, but I believed in him more than anyone on +earth--more than his own mother, more than--himself. +He needed me! Me! I would have treasured every sigh, +every word, every sign, every glance.' + +"I felt like a chill grip on my chest. 'Don't,' I said, +in a muffled voice. + +"'Forgive me. I--I--have mourned so long in silence +--in silence. . . . You were with him--to the last? +I think of his loneliness. Nobody near to understand +him as I would have understood. Perhaps no one to +hear. . . .' + +"'To the very end,' I said, shakily. 'I heard his very +last words. . . .' I stopped in a fright. + +"'Repeat them,' she said in a heart-broken tone. 'I +want--I want--something--something--to--to live +with.' + +"I was on the point of crying at her, 'Don't you hear +them?' The dusk was repeating them in a persistent +whisper all around us, in a whisper that seemed to swell +menacingly like the first whisper of a rising wind. 'The +horror! the horror!' + +"'His last word--to live with,' she murmured. 'Don't +you understand I loved him--I loved him--I loved him!' + +"I pulled myself together and spoke slowly. + +"'The last word he pronounced was--your name.' + +"I heard a light sigh, and then my heart stood still, +stopped dead short by an exulting and terrible cry, by +the cry of inconceivable triumph and of unspeakable +pain. 'I knew it--I was sure!' . . . She knew. She +was sure. I heard her weeping; she had hidden her +face in her hands. It seemed to me that the house would +collapse before I could escape, that the heavens would +fall upon my head. But nothing happened. The +heavens do not fall for such a trifle. Would they have +fallen, I wonder, if I had rendered Kurtz that justice +which was his due? Hadn't he said he wanted only jus- +tice? But I couldn't. I could not tell her. It would +have been too dark--too dark altogether. . . ." + +Marlow ceased, and sat apart, indistinct and silent, in +the pose of a meditating Buddha. Nobody moved for a +time. "We have lost the first of the ebb," said the Di- +rector, suddenly. I raised my head. The offing was +barred by a black bank of clouds, and the tranquil water- +way leading to the uttermost ends of the earth flowed +somber under an overcast sky--seemed to lead into the +heart of an immense darkness. + + + + + +End of The Project Gutenberg Etext of Heart of Darkness + diff --git a/old/hdark10a.zip b/old/hdark10a.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..1b3299d --- /dev/null +++ b/old/hdark10a.zip diff --git a/old/hdark11a.txt b/old/hdark11a.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..394f437 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/hdark11a.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4468 @@ +******The Project Gutenberg Etext of Heart of Darkness******** +#8 in our series by Joseph Conrad +#1 was from another edition of Heart of Darkness + +[See also the movie Apocalypse Now] + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check +the copyright laws for your country before posting these files! + +Please take a look at the important information in this header. +We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an +electronic path open for the next readers. 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The flood +had made, the wind was nearly calm, and being bound +down the river, the only thing for it was to come to +and wait for the turn of the tide. + +The sea-reach of the Thames stretched before us like +the beginning of an interminable waterway. In the +offing the sea and the sky were welded together without +a joint, and in the luminous space the tanned sails of +the barges drifting up with the tide seemed to stand +still in red clusters of canvas sharply peaked, with +gleams of varnished sprits. A haze rested on the low +shores that ran out to sea in vanishing flatness. The +air was dark above Gravesend, and farther back still +seemed condensed into a mournful gloom, brooding mo- +tionless over the biggest, and the greatest, town on earth. + +The Director of Companies was our captain and our +host. We four affectionately watched his back as he +stood in the bows looking to seaward. On the whole +river there was nothing that looked half so nautical. He +resembled a pilot, which to a seaman is trustworthiness +personified. It was difficult to realize his work was not +out there in the luminous estuary, but behind him, within +the brooding gloom. + +Between us there was, as I have already said some- +where, the bond of the sea. Besides holding our hearts +together through long periods of separation, it had the +effect of making us tolerant of each other's yarns--and +even convictions. The Lawyer--the best of old fellows +--had, because of his many years and many virtues, the +only cushion on deck, and was lying on the only rug. +The Accountant had brought out already a box of +dominoes, and was toying architecturally with the bones. +Marlow sat cross-legged right aft, leaning against the +mizzen-mast. He had sunken cheeks, a yellow complex- +ion, a straight back, an ascetic aspect, and, with his +arms dropped, the palms of hands outwards, resembled +an idol. The Director, satisfied the anchor had good +hold, made his way aft and sat down amongst us. We +exchanged a few words lazily. Afterwards there was +silence on board the yacht. For some reason or other +we did not begin that game of dominoes. We felt medi- +tative, and fit for nothing but placid staring. The day +was ending in a serenity of still and exquisite brilliance. +The water shone pacifically; the sky, without a speck, +was a benign immensity of unstained light; the very +mist on the Essex marshes was like a gauzy and radiant +fabric, hung from the wooded rises inland, and draping +the low shores in diaphanous folds. Only the gloom to +the west, brooding over the upper reaches, became more +somber every minute, as if angered by the approach +of the sun. + +And at last, in its curved and imperceptible fall, the +sun sank low, and from glowing white changed to a +dull red without rays and without heat, as if about to +go out suddenly, stricken to death by the touch of that +gloom brooding over a crowd of men. + +Forthwith a change came over the waters, and the +serenity became less brilliant but more profound. The +old river in its broad reach rested unruffled at the decline +of day, after ages of good service done to the race that +peopled its banks, spread out in the tranquil dignity of +a waterway leading to the uttermost ends of the earth. +We looked at the venerable stream not in the vivid flush +of a short day that comes and departs for ever, but in +the august light of abiding memories. And indeed +nothing is easier for a man who has, as the phrase goes, +"followed the sea" with reverence and affection, than +to evoke the great spirit of the past upon the lower +reaches of the Thames. The tidal current runs to and +fro in its unceasing service, crowded with memories of +men and ships it had borne to the rest of home or to the +battles of the sea. It had known and served all the +men of whom the nation is proud, from Sir Francis +Drake to Sir John Franklin, knights all, titled and un- +titled--the great knights-errant of the sea. It had +borne all the ships whose names are like jewels flashing +in the night of time, from the Golden Hind returning +with her round flanks full of treasure, to be visited by +the Queen's Highness and thus pass out of the gigantic +tale, to the Erebus and Terror, bound on other conquests +--and that never returned. It had known the ships and +the men. They had sailed from Deptford, from Green- +wich, from Erith--the adventurers and the settlers; +kings' ships and the ships of men on 'Change; captains, +admirals, the dark "interlopers" of the Eastern trade, +and the commissioned "generals" of East India fleets. +Hunters for gold or pursuers of fame, they all had gone +out on that stream, bearing the sword, and often the +torch, messengers of the might within the land, bearers +of a spark from the sacred fire. What greatness had +not floated on the ebb of that river into the mystery of +an unknown earth! . . . The dreams of men, the seed +of commonwealths, the germs of empires. + +The sun set; the dusk fell on the stream, and lights +began to appear along the shore. The Chapman light- +house, a three-legged thing erect on a mud-flat, shone +strongly. Lights of ships moved in the fairway--a +great stir of lights going up and going down. And +farther west on the upper reaches the place of the mon- +strous town was still marked ominously on the sky, a +brooding gloom in sunshine, a lurid glare under the +stars. + +"And this also," said Marlow suddenly, "has been +one of the dark places of the earth." + +He was the only man of us who still "followed the +sea." The worst that could be said of him was that +he did not represent his class. He was a seaman, but he +was a wanderer, too, while most seamen lead, if one may +so express it, a sedentary life. Their minds are of the +stay-at-home order, and their home is always with them +--the ship; and so is their country--the sea. One ship +is very much like another, and the sea is always the same. +In the immutability of their surroundings the foreign +shores, the foreign faces, the changing immensity of life, +glide past, veiled not by a sense of mystery but by a +slightly disdainful ignorance; for there is nothing mys- +terious to a seaman unless it be the sea itself, which is +the mistress of his existence and as inscrutable as Destiny. +For the rest, after his hours of work, a casual stroll or +a casual spree on shore suffices to unfold for him the +secret of a whole continent, and generally he finds the +secret not worth knowing. The yarns of seamen have a +direct simplicity, the whole meaning of which lies within +the shell of a cracked nut. But Marlow was not typical +(if his propensity to spin yarns be excepted), and to +him the meaning of an episode was not inside like a +kernel but outside, enveloping the tale which brought it +out only as a glow brings out a haze, in the likeness of +one of these misty halos that sometimes are made visible +by the spectral illumination of moonshine. + +His remark did not seem at all surprising. It was +just like Marlow. It was accepted in silence. No one +took the trouble to grunt even; and presently he said, +very slow-- + +"I was thinking of very old times, when the Romans +first came here, nineteen hundred years ago--the other +day. . . . Light came out of this river since--you +say Knights? Yes; but it is like a running blaze on a +plain, like a flash of lightning in the clouds. We live +in the flicker--may it last as long as the old earth keeps +rolling! But darkness was here yesterday. Imagine +the feelings of a commander of a fine--what d'ye call +'em?--trireme in the Mediterranean, ordered suddenly +to the north; run overland across the Gauls in a hurry; +put in charge of one of these craft the legionaries,--a +wonderful lot of handy men they must have been too-- +used to build, apparently by the hundred, in a month +or two, if we may believe what we read. Imagine him +here--the very end of the world, a sea the color of lead, +a sky the color of smoke, a kind of ship about as rigid +as a concertina--and going up this river with stores, or +orders, or what you like. Sandbanks, marshes, forests, +savages,--precious little to eat fit for a civilized man, +nothing but Thames water to drink. No Falernian wine +here, no going ashore. Here and there a military camp +lost in a wilderness, like a needle in a bundle of hay-- +cold, fog, tempests, disease, exile, and death,--death +skulking in the air, in the water, in the bush. They +must have been dying like flies here. Oh yes--he did it. +Did it very well, too, no doubt, and without thinking +much about it either, except afterwards to brag of what +he had gone through in his time, perhaps. They were +men enough to face the darkness. And perhaps he was +cheered by keeping his eye on a chance of promotion to +the fleet at Ravenna by-and-by, if he had good friends +in Rome and survived the awful climate. Or think of +a decent young citizen in a toga--perhaps too much +dice, you know--coming out here in the train of some +prefect, or tax-gatherer, or trader even, to mend his +fortunes. Land in a swamp, march through the woods, +and in some inland post feel the savagery, the utter +savagery, had closed round him,--all that mysterious +life of the wilderness that stirs in the forest, in the +jungles, in the hearts of wild men. There's no initiation +either into such mysteries. He has to live in the midst +of the incomprehensible, which is also detestable. And +it has a fascination, too, that goes to work upon him. +The fascination of the abomination--you know. +Imagine the growing regrets, the longing to escape, the +powerless disgust, the surrender, the hate." + +He paused. + +"Mind," he began again, lifting one arm from the +elbow, the palm of the hand outwards, so that, with his +legs folded before him, he had the pose of a Buddha +preaching in European clothes and without a lotus- +flower--"Mind, none of us would feel exactly like this. +What saves us is efficiency--the devotion to efficiency. +But these chaps were not much account, really. They +were no colonists; their administration was merely a +squeeze, and nothing more, I suspect. They were con- +querors, and for that you want only brute force--nothing +to boast of, when you have it, since your strength is +just an accident arising from the weakness of others. +They grabbed what they could get for the sake of what +was to be got. It was just robbery with violence, aggra- +vated murder on a great scale, and men going at it blind +--as is very proper for those who tackle a darkness. The +conquest of the earth, which mostly means the taking +it away from those who have a different complexion or +slightly flatter noses than ourselves, is not a pretty thing +when you look into it too much. What redeems it is the +idea only. An idea at the back of it; not a sentimental +pretense but an idea; and an unselfish belief in the idea +--something you can set up, and bow down before, and +offer a sacrifice to. . . ." + +He broke off. Flames glided in the river, small green +flames, red flames, white flames, pursuing, overtaking, +joining, crossing each other--then separating slowly or +hastily. The traffic of the great city went on in the +deepening night upon the sleepless river. We looked +on, waiting patiently--there was nothing else to do till +the end of the flood; but it was only after a long silence, +when he said, in a hesitating voice, "I suppose you fel- +lows remember I did once turn fresh-water sailor for a +bit," that we knew we were fated, before the ebb began +to run, to hear about one of Marlow's inconclusive ex- +periences. + +"I don't want to bother you much with what hap- +pened to me personally," he began, showing in this re- +mark the weakness of many tellers of tales who seem +so often unaware of what their audience would best like +to hear; "yet to understand the effect of it on me you +ought to know how I got out there, what I saw, how I +went up that river to the place where I first met the +poor chap. It was the farthest point of navigation and +the culminating point of my experience. It seemed some- +how to throw a kind of light on everything about me-- +and into my thoughts. It was somber enough too--and +pitiful--not extraordinary in any way--not very clear +either. No, not very clear. And yet it seemed to throw +a kind of light. + +"I had then, as you remember, just returned to Lon- +don after a lot of Indian Ocean, Pacific, China Seas-- +a regular dose of the East--six years or so, and I was +loafing about, hindering you fellows in your work and +invading your homes, just as though I had got a +heavenly mission to civilize you. It was very fine for +a time, but after a bit I did get tired of resting. Then +I began to look for a ship--I should think the hardest +work on earth. But the ships wouldn't even look at me. +And I got tired of that game too. + +"Now when I was a little chap I had a passion for +maps. I would look for hours at South America, or +Africa, or Australia, and lose myself in all the glories +of exploration. At that time there were many blank +spaces on the earth, and when I saw one that looked +particularly inviting on a map (but they all look that) +I would put my finger on it and say, 'When I grow up +I will go there.' The North Pole was one of these places, +I remember. Well, I haven't been there yet, and shall +not try now. The glamour's off. Other places were +scattered about the Equator, and in every sort of lati- +tude all over the two hemispheres. I have been in some +of them, and . . . well, we won't talk about that. But +there was one yet--the biggest, the most blank, so to +speak--that I had a hankering after. + +"True, by this time it was not a blank space any +more. It had got filled since my boyhood with rivers +and lakes and names. It had ceased to be a blank space +of delightful mystery--a white patch for a boy to dream +gloriously over. It had become a place of darkness. But +there was in it one river especially, a mighty big river, +that you could see on the map, resembling an immense +snake uncoiled, with its head in the sea, its body at +rest curving afar over a vast country, and its tail lost +in the depths of the land. And as I looked at the map +of it in a shop-window, it fascinated me as a snake would +a bird--a silly little bird. Then I remembered there was +a big concern, a Company for trade on that river. Dash +it all! I thought to myself, they can't trade without +using some kind of craft on that lot of fresh water-- +steamboats! Why shouldn't I try to get charge of +one? I went on along Fleet Street, but could not shake +off the idea. The snake had charmed me. + +"You understand it was a Continental concern, that +Trading society; but I have a lot of relations living +on the Continent, because it's cheap and not so nasty +as it looks, they say. + +"I am sorry to own I began to worry them. This was +already a fresh departure for me. I was not used to +get things that way, you know. I always went my own +road and on my own legs where I had a mind to go. I +wouldn't have believed it of myself; but, then--you see +--I felt somehow I must get there by hook or by crook. +So I worried them. The men said 'My dear fellow,' and +did nothing. Then--would you believe it?--I tried the +women. I, Charlie Marlow, set the women to work--to +get a job. Heavens! Well, you see, the notion drove +me. I had an aunt, a dear enthusiastic soul. She wrote: +'It will be delightful. I am ready to do anything, any- +thing for you. It is a glorious idea. I know the wife +of a very high personage in the Administration, and +also a man who has lots of influence with,' &c., &c. She +was determined to make no end of fuss to get me ap- +pointed skipper of a river steamboat, if such was my +fancy. + +"I got my appointment--of course; and I got it very +quick. It appears the Company had received news that +one of their captains had been killed in a scuffle with +the natives. This was my chance, and it made me the +more anxious to go. It was only months and months +afterwards, when I made the attempt to recover what +was left of the body, that I heard the original quarrel +arose from a misunderstanding about some hens. Yes, +two black hens. Fresleven--that was the fellow's name, +a Dane--thought himself wronged somehow in the bar- +gain, so he went ashore and started to hammer the chief +of the village with a stick. Oh, it didn't surprise me +in the least to hear this, and at the same time to be told +that Fresleven was the gentlest, quietest creature that +ever walked on two legs. No doubt he was; but he +had been a couple of years already out there engaged +in the noble cause, you know, and he probably felt the +need at last of asserting his self-respect in some way. +Therefore he whacked the old nigger mercilessly, while +a big crowd of his people watched him, thunderstruck, +till some man,--I was told the chief's son,--in despera- +tion at hearing the old chap yell, made a tentative jab +with a spear at the white man--and of course it went +quite easy between the shoulder-blades. Then the whole +population cleared into the forest, expecting all kinds +of calamities to happen, while, on the other hand, the +steamer Fresleven commanded left also in a bad panic, +in charge of the engineer, I believe. Afterwards nobody +seemed to trouble much about Fresleven's remains, till +I got out and stepped into his shoes. I couldn't let +it rest, though; but when an opportunity offered at last +to meet my predecessor, the grass growing through his +ribs was tall enough to hide his bones. They were all +there. The supernatural being had not been touched +after he fell. And the village was deserted, the huts +gaped black, rotting, all askew within the fallen en- +closures. A calamity had come to it, sure enough. The +people had vanished. Mad terror had scattered them, +men, women, and children, through the bush, and they +had never returned. What became of the hens I don't +know either. I should think the cause of progress got +them, anyhow. However, through this glorious affair I +got my appointment, before I had fairly begun to hope +for it. + +"I flew around like mad to get ready, and before forty- +eight hours I was crossing the Channel to show myself +to my employers, and sign the contract. In a very few +hours I arrived in a city that always makes me think of +a whited sepulcher. Prejudice no doubt. I had no +difficulty in finding the Company's offices. It was the +biggest thing in the town, and everybody I met was +full of it. They were going to run an over-sea empire, +and make no end of coin by trade. + +"A narrow and deserted street in deep shadow, high +houses, innumerable windows with venetian blinds, a dead +silence, grass sprouting between the stones, imposing +carriage archways right and left, immense double doors +standing ponderously ajar. I slipped through one of +these cracks, went up a swept and ungarnished staircase, +as arid as a desert, and opened the first door I came to. +Two women, one fat and the other slim, sat on straw- +bottomed chairs, knitting black wool. The slim one got +up and walked straight at me--still knitting with down- +cast eyes--and only just as I began to think of getting +out of her way, as you would for a somnambulist, stood +still, and looked up. Her dress was as plain as an um- +brella-cover, and she turned round without a word and +preceded me into a waiting-room. I gave my name, and +looked about. Deal table in the middle, plain chairs all +round the walls, on one end a large shining map, marked +with all the colors of a rainbow. There was a vast +amount of red--good to see at any time, because one +knows that some real work is done in there, a deuce of a +lot of blue, a little green, smears of orange, and, on the +East Coast, a purple patch, to show where the jolly +pioneers of progress drink the jolly lager-beer. How- +ever, I wasn't going into any of these. I was going +into the yellow. Dead in the center. And the river +was there--fascinating--deadly--like a snake. Ough! +A door opened, a white-haired secretarial head, but +wearing a compassionate expression, appeared, and a +skinny forefinger beckoned me into the sanctuary. Its +light was dim, and a heavy writing-desk squatted in the +middle. From behind that structure came out an im- +pression of pale plumpness in a frock-coat. The great +man himself. He was five feet six, I should judge, and +had his grip on the handle-end of ever so many millions. +He shook hands, I fancy, murmured vaguely, was satis- +fied with my French. Bon voyage. + +"In about forty-five seconds I found myself again in +the waiting-room with the compassionate secretary, who, +full of desolation and sympathy, made me sign some +document. I believe I undertook amongst other things +not to disclose any trade secrets. Well, I am not going +to. + +"I began to feel slightly uneasy. You know I am +not used to such ceremonies, and there was something +ominous in the atmosphere. It was just as though I +had been let into some conspiracy--I don't know--some- +thing not quite right; and I was glad to get out. In +the outer room the two women knitted black wool fever- +ishly. People were arriving, and the younger one was +walking back and forth introducing them. The old +one sat on her chair. Her flat cloth slippers were +propped up on a foot-warmer, and a cat reposed on +her lap. She wore a starched white affair on her head, +had a wart on one cheek, and silver-rimmed spectacles +hung on the tip of her nose. She glanced at me above +the glasses. The swift and indifferent placidity of that +look troubled me. Two youths with foolish and cheery +countenances were being piloted over, and she threw at +them the same quick glance of unconcerned wisdom. She +seemed to know all about them and about me too. An +eerie feeling came over me. She seemed uncanny and +fateful. Often far away there I thought of these two, +guarding the door of Darkness, knitting black wool as +for a warm pall, one introducing, introducing continu- +ously to the unknown, the other scrutinizing the cheery +and foolish faces with unconcerned old eyes. Ave! Old +knitter of black wool. Morituri te salutant. Not many +of those she looked at ever saw her again--not half, +by a long way. + +"There was yet a visit to the doctor. 'A simple for- +mality,' assured me the secretary, with an air of taking +an immense part in all my sorrows. Accordingly a +young chap wearing his hat over the left eyebrow, some +clerk I suppose,--there must have been clerks in the busi- +ness, though the house was as still as a house in a city +of the dead,--came from somewhere up-stairs, and led +me forth. He was shabby and careless, with ink-stains +on the sleeves of his jacket, and his cravat was large and +billowy, under a chin shaped like the toe of an old boot. +It was a little too early for the doctor, so I proposed +a drink, and thereupon he developed a vein of joviality. +As we sat over our vermouths he glorified the Company's +business, and by-and-by I expressed casually my sur- +prise at him not going out there. He became very cool +and collected all at once. 'I am not such a fool as I +look, quoth Plato to his disciples,' he said sententiously, +emptied his glass with great resolution, and we rose. + +"The old doctor felt my pulse, evidently thinking of +something else the while. 'Good, good for there,' he +mumbled, and then with a certain eagerness asked me +whether I would let him measure my head. Rather sur- +prised, I said Yes, when he produced a thing like calipers +and got the dimensions back and front and every way, +taking notes carefully. He was an unshaven little man +in a threadbare coat like a gaberdine, with his feet in +slippers, and I thought him a harmless fool. 'I always +ask leave, in the interests of science, to measure the +crania of those going out there,' he said. 'And when +they come back, too?' I asked. 'Oh, I never see them,' +he remarked; 'and, moreover, the changes take place in- +side, you know.' He smiled, as if at some quiet joke. +'So you are going out there. Famous. Interesting too.' +He gave me a searching glance, and made another note. +'Ever any madness in your family?' he asked, in a +matter-of-fact tone. I felt very annoyed. 'Is that +question in the interests of science too?' 'It would be,' +he said, without taking notice of my irritation, 'interest- +ing for science to watch the mental changes of individ- +uals, on the spot, but . . .' 'Are you an alienist?' I +interrupted. 'Every doctor should be--a little,' an- +swered that original, imperturbably. 'I have a little +theory which you Messieurs who go out there must help +me to prove. This is my share in the advantages my +country shall reap from the possession of such a mag- +nificent dependency. The mere wealth I leave to others. +Pardon my questions, but you are the first Englishman +coming under my observation. . . .' I hastened to +assure him I was not in the least typical. 'If I were,' +said I, 'I wouldn't be talking like this with you.' 'What +you say is rather profound, and probably erroneous,' he +said, with a laugh. 'Avoid irritation more than expos- +ure to the sun. Adieu. How do you English say, eh? +Good-by. Ah! Good-by. Adieu. In the tropics one +must before everything keep calm.' . . . He lifted a +warning forefinger. . . . 'Du calme, du calme. +Adieu.' + +"One thing more remained to do--say good-by to +my excellent aunt. I found her triumphant. I had a +cup of tea--the last decent cup of tea for many days +--and in a room that most soothingly looked just as you +would expect a lady's drawing-room to look, we had a +long quiet chat by the fireside. In the course of these +confidences it became quite plain to me I had been repre- +sented to the wife of the high dignitary, and goodness +knows to how many more people besides, as an excep- +tional and gifted creature--a piece of good fortune for +the Company--a man you don't get hold of every day. +Good heavens! and I was going to take charge of a +two-penny-halfpenny river-steamboat with a penny +whistle attached! It appeared, however, I was also one +of the Workers, with a capital--you know. Something +like an emissary of light, something like a lower sort +of apostle. There had been a lot of such rot let loose +in print and talk just about that time, and the excellent +woman, living right in the rush of all that humbug, got +carried off her feet. She talked about 'weaning those +ignorant millions from their horrid ways,' till, upon my +word, she made me quite uncomfortable. I ventured to +hint that the Company was run for profit. + +"'You forget, dear Charlie, that the laborer is worthy +of his hire,' she said, brightly. It's queer how out of +touch with truth women are. They live in a world of +their own, and there had never been anything like it, +and never can be. It is too beautiful altogether, and +if they were to set it up it would go to pieces before +the first sunset. Some confounded fact we men have +been living contentedly with ever since the day of cre- +ation would start up and knock the whole thing over. + +"After this I got embraced, told to wear flannel, be +sure to write often, and so on--and I left. In the street +--I don't know why--a queer feeling came to me that I +was an impostor. Odd thing that I, who used to clear +out for any part of the world at twenty-four hours' +notice, with less thought than most men give to the cross- +ing of a street, had a moment--I won't say of hesitation, +but of startled pause, before this commonplace affair. +The best way I can explain it to you is by saying that, +for a second or two, I felt as though, instead of going +to the center of a continent, I were about to set off for +the center of the earth. + +"I left in a French steamer, and she called in every +blamed port they have out there, for, as far as I could +see, the sole purpose of landing soldiers and custom- +house officers. I watched the coast. Watching a coast +as it slips by the ship is like thinking about an enigma. +There it is before you--smiling, frowning, inviting, +grand, mean, insipid, or savage, and always mute with +an air of whispering, `Come and find out.' This one was +almost featureless, as if still in the making, with an +aspect of monotonous grimness. The edge of a colossal +jungle, so dark-green as to be almost black, fringed +with white surf, ran straight, like a ruled line, far, far +away along a blue sea whose glitter was blurred by a +creeping mist. The sun was fierce, the land seemed to +glisten and drip with steam. Here and there grayish- +whitish specks showed up, clustered inside the white surf, +with a flag flying above them perhaps. Settlements some +centuries old, and still no bigger than pin-heads on the +untouched expanse of their background. We pounded +along, stopped, landed soldiers; went on, landed custom- +house clerks to levy toll in what looked like a God-for- +saken wilderness, with a tin shed and a flag-pole lost in +it; landed more soldiers--to take care of the custom- +house clerks, presumably. Some, I heard, got drowned +in the surf; but whether they did or not, nobody seemed +particularly to care. They were just flung out there, +and on we went. Every day the coast looked the same, +as though we had not moved; but we passed various +places--trading places--with names like Gran' Bassam +Little Popo, names that seemed to belong to some sordid +farce acted in front of a sinister backcloth. The idle- +ness of a passenger, my isolation amongst all these men +with whom I had no point of contact, the oily and lan- +guid sea, the uniform somberness of the coast, seemed +to keep me away from the truth of things, within the +toil of a mournful and senseless delusion. The voice of +the surf heard now and then was a positive pleasure, +like the speech of a brother. It was something natural, +that had its reason, that had a meaning. Now and then +a boat from the shore gave one a momentary contact +with reality. It was paddled by black fellows. You +could see from afar the white of their eyeballs glisten- +ing. They shouted, sang; their bodies streamed with +perspiration; they had faces like grotesque masks--these +chaps; but they had bone, muscle, a wild vitality, an in- +tense energy of movement, that was as natural and true +as the surf along their coast. They wanted no excuse +for being there. They were a great comfort to look at. +For a time I would feel I belonged still to a world of +straightforward facts; but the feeling would not last +long. Something would turn up to scare it away. Once, +I remember, we came upon a man-of-war anchored off +the coast. There wasn't even a shed there, and she +was shelling the bush. It appears the French had one +of their wars going on thereabouts. Her ensign dropped +limp like a rag; the muzzles of the long eight-inch guns +stuck out all over the low hull; the greasy, slimy swell +swung her up lazily and let her down, swaying her thin +masts. In the empty immensity of earth, sky, and water, +there she was, incomprehensible, firing into a continent. +Pop, would go one of the eight-inch guns; a small flame +would dart and vanish, a little white smoke would dis- +appear, a tiny projectile would give a feeble screech-- +and nothing happened. Nothing could happen. There +was a touch of insanity in the proceeding, a sense of +lugubrious drollery in the sight; and it was not dissi- +pated by somebody on board assuring me earnestly there +was a camp of natives--he called them enemies!--hidden +out of sight somewhere. + +"We gave her her letters (I heard the men in that +lonely ship were dying of fever at the rate of three +a day) and went on. We called at some more places with +farcical names, where the merry dance of death and +trade goes on in a still and earthy atmosphere as of an +overheated catacomb; all along the formless coast bor- +dered by dangerous surf, as if Nature herself had tried +to ward off intruders; in and out of rivers, streams of +death in life, whose banks were rotting into mud, whose +waters, thickened into slime, invaded the contorted man- +groves, that seemed to writhe at us in the extremity of +an impotent despair. Nowhere did we stop long enough +to get a particularized impression, but the general sense +of vague and oppressive wonder grew upon me. It was +like a weary pilgrimage amongst hints for night- +mares. + +"It was upward of thirty days before I saw the mouth +of the big river. We anchored off the seat of the gov- +ernment. But my work would not begin till some two +hundred miles farther on. So as soon as I could I made +a start for a place thirty miles higher up. + +"I had my passage on a little sea-going steamer. Her +captain was a Swede, and knowing me for a seaman, +invited me on the bridge. He was a young man, lean, +fair, and morose, with lanky hair and a shuffling gait. +As we left the miserable little wharf, he tossed his head +contemptuously at the shore. 'Been living there?' he +asked. I said, 'Yes.' 'Fine lot these government chaps +--are they not?' he went on, speaking English with +great precision and considerable bitterness. 'It is funny +what some people will do for a few francs a month. I +wonder what becomes of that kind when it goes up coun- +try?' I said to him I expected to see that soon. 'So-o-o!' +he exclaimed. He shuffled athwart, keeping one eye +ahead vigilantly. 'Don't be too sure,' he continued. +'The other day I took up a man who hanged himself +on the road. He was a Swede, too.' 'Hanged himself! +Why, in God's name?' I cried. He kept on looking out +watchfully. 'Who knows? The sun too much for him, +or the country perhaps.' + +"At last we opened a reach. A rocky cliff appeared, +mounds of turned-up earth by the shore, houses on a +hill, others, with iron roofs, amongst a waste of excava- +tions, or hanging to the declivity. A continuous noise +of the rapids above hovered over this scene of inhabited +devastation. A lot of people, mostly black and naked, +moved about like ants. A jetty projected into the river. +A blinding sunlight drowned all this at times in a sudden +recrudescence of glare. 'There's your Company's sta- +tion,' said the Swede, pointing to three wooden barrack- +like structures on the rocky slope. 'I will send your +things up. Four boxes did you say? So. Farewell.' + +"I came upon a boiler wallowing in the grass, then +found a path leading up the hill. It turned aside for +the bowlders, and also for an undersized railway-truck +lying there on its back with its wheels in the air. One +was off. The thing looked as dead as the carcass of +some animal. I came upon more pieces of decaying ma- +chinery, a stack of rusty rails. To the left a clump of +trees made a shady spot, where dark things seemed to +stir feebly. I blinked, the path was steep. A horn tooted +to the right, and I saw the black people run. A heavy +and dull detonation shook the ground, a puff of smoke +came out of the cliff, and that was all. No change ap- +peared on the face of the rock. They were building a +railway. The cliff was not in the way or anything; but +this objectless blasting was all the work going on. + +"A slight clinking behind me made me turn my head. +Six black men advanced in a file, toiling up the path. +They walked erect and slow, balancing small baskets +full of earth on their heads, and the clink kept time with +their footsteps. Black rags were wound round their +loins, and the short ends behind wagged to and fro like +tails. I could see every rib, the joints of their limbs +were like knots in a rope; each had an iron collar on +his neck, and all were connected together with a chain +whose bights swung between them, rhythmically clinking. +Another report from the cliff made me think suddenly +of that ship of war I had seen firing into a continent. +It was the same kind of ominous voice; but these men +could by no stretch of imagination be called enemies. +They were called criminals, and the outraged law, like +the bursting shells, had come to them, an insoluble mys- +tery from over the sea. All their meager breasts panted +together, the violently dilated nostrils quivered, the eyes +stared stonily uphill. They passed me within six inches, +without a glance, with that complete, deathlike indif- +ference of unhappy savages. Behind this raw matter +one of the reclaimed, the product of the new forces at +work, strolled despondently, carrying a rifle by its +middle. He had a uniform jacket with one button off, +and seeing a white man on the path, hoisted his weapon +to his shoulder with alacrity. This was simple prudence, +white men being so much alike at a distance that he could +not tell who I might be. He was speedily reassured, and +with a large, white, rascally grin, and a glance at his +charge, seemed to take me into partnership in his exalted +trust. After all, I also was a part of the great cause +of these high and just proceedings. + +"Instead of going up, I turned and descended to the +left. My idea was to let that chain-gang get out of +sight before I climbed the hill. You know I am not par- +ticularly tender; I've had to strike and to fend off. I've +had to resist and to attack sometimes--that's only one +way of resisting--without counting the exact cost, ac- +cording to the demands of such sort of life as I had blun- +dered into. I've seen the devil of violence, and the devil +of greed, and the devil of hot desire; but, by all the +stars! these were strong, lusty, red-eyed devils, that +swayed and drove men--men, I tell you. But as I stood +on this hillside, I foresaw that in the blinding sunshine +of that land I would become acquainted with a flabby, +pretending, weak-eyed devil of a rapacious and pitiless +folly. How insidious he could be, too, I was only to +find out several months later and a thousand miles +farther. For a moment I stood appalled, as though by +a warning. Finally I descended the hill, obliquely, to- +wards the trees I had seen. + +"I avoided a vast artificial hole somebody had been +digging on the slope, the purpose of which I found it +impossible to divine. It wasn't a quarry or a sandpit, +anyhow. It was just a hole. It might have been con- +nected with the philanthropic desire of giving the crim- +inals something to do. I don't know. Then I nearly +fell into a very narrow ravine, almost no more than a +scar in the hillside. I discovered that a lot of imported +drainage-pipes for the settlement had been tumbled in +there. There wasn't one that was not broken. It was +a wanton smash-up. At last I got under the trees. My +purpose was to stroll into the shade for a moment; but +no sooner within than it seemed to me I had stepped +into a gloomy circle of some Inferno. The rapids were +near, and an uninterrupted, uniform, headlong, rushing +noise filled the mournful stillness of the grove, where not +a breath stirred, not a leaf moved, with a mysterious +sound--as though the tearing pace of the launched earth +had suddenly become audible. + +"Black shapes crouched, lay, sat between the trees, +leaning against the trunks, clinging to the earth, half +coming out, half effaced within the dim light, in all the +attitudes of pain, abandonment, and despair. Another +mine on the cliff went off, followed by a slight shudder +of the soil under my feet. The work was going on. The +work! And this was the place where some of the helpers +had withdrawn to die. + +"They were dying slowly--it was very clear. They +were not enemies, they were not criminals, they were +nothing earthly now,--nothing but black shadows of +disease and starvation, lying confusedly in the greenish +gloom. Brought from all the recesses of the coast in all +the legality of time contracts, lost in uncongenial sur- +roundings, fed on unfamiliar food, they sickened, be- +came inefficient, and were then allowed to crawl away and +rest. These moribund shapes were free as air--and +nearly as thin. I began to distinguish the gleam of eyes +under the trees. Then, glancing down, I saw a face +near my hand. The black bones reclined at full length +with one shoulder against the tree, and slowly the eye- +lids rose and the sunken eyes looked up at me, enormous +and vacant, a kind of blind, white flicker in the depths +of the orbs, which died out slowly. The man seemed +young--almost a boy--but you know with them it's hard +to tell. I found nothing else to do but to offer him one +of my good Swede's ship's biscuits I had in my pocket. +The fingers closed slowly on it and held--there was no +other movement and no other glance. He had tied a bit +of white worsted round his neck--Why? Where did he +get it? Was it a badge--an ornament--a charm--a +propitiatory act? Was there any idea at all connected +with it? It looked startling round his black neck, this +bit of white thread from beyond the seas. + +"Near the same tree two more bundles of acute angles +sat with their legs drawn up. One, with his chin +propped on his knees, stared at nothing, in an intoler- +able and appalling manner: his brother phantom rested +its forehead, as if overcome with a great weariness; and +all about others were scattered in every pose of contorted +collapse, as in some picture of a massacre or a pestilence. +While I stood horror-struck, one of these creatures rose +to his hands and knees, and went off on all-fours towards +the river to drink. He lapped out of his hand, then sat +up in the sunlight, crossing his shins in front of him, +and after a time let his woolly head fall on his breast- +bone. + +"I didn't want any more loitering in the shade, and +I made haste towards the station. When near the build- +ings I met a white man, in such an unexpected elegance +of get-up that in the first moment I took him for a sort +of vision. I saw a high starched collar, white cuffs, a +light alpaca jacket, snowy trousers, a clear necktie, and +varnished boots. No hat. Hair parted, brushed, oiled, +under a green-lined parasol held in a big white hand. +He was amazing, and had a penholder behind his ear. + +"I shook hands with this miracle, and I learned he was +the Company's chief accountant, and that all the book- +keeping was done at this station. He had come out for +a moment, he said, 'to get a breath of fresh air.' The +expression sounded wonderfully odd, with its suggestion +of sedentary desk-life. I wouldn't have mentioned the +fellow to you at all, only it was from his lips that I +first heard the name of the man who is so indissolubly +connected with the memories of that time. Moreover, I +respected the fellow. Yes; I respected his collars, his +vast cuffs, his brushed hair. His appearance was cer- +tainly that of a hairdresser's dummy; but in the great +demoralization of the land he kept up his appearance. +That's backbone. His starched collars and got-up shirt- +fronts were achievements of character. He had been out +nearly three years; and, later on, I could not help ask- +ing him how he managed to sport such linen. He had +just the faintest blush, and said modestly, 'I've been +teaching one of the native women about the station. It +was difficult. She had a distaste for the work.' This +man had verily accomplished something. And he was +devoted to his books, which were in apple-pie order. + +"Everything else in the station was in a muddle,-- +heads, things, buildings. Strings of dusty niggers with +splay feet arrived and departed; a stream of manu- +factured goods, rubbishy cottons, beads, and brass-wire +set into the depths of darkness, and in return came a +precious trickle of ivory. + +"I had to wait in the station for ten days--an eternity. +I lived in a hut in the yard, but to be out of the chaos +I would sometimes get into the accountant's office. It +was built of horizontal planks, and so badly put together +that, as he bent over his high desk, he was barred from +neck to heels with narrow strips of sunlight. There was +no need to open the big shutter to see. It was hot +there too; big flies buzzed fiendishly, and did not sting, +but stabbed. I sat generally on the floor, while, of +faultless appearance (and even slightly scented), perch- +ing on a high stool, he wrote, he wrote. Sometimes he +stood up for exercise. When a truckle-bed with a sick +man (some invalided agent from up-country) was put in +there, he exhibited a gentle annoyance. 'The groans of +this sick person,' he said, distract my attention. And +without that it is extremely difficult to guard against +clerical errors in this climate.' + +"One day he remarked, without lifting his head, 'In +the interior you will no doubt meet Mr. Kurtz.' On my +asking who Mr. Kurtz was, he said he was a first-class +agent; and seeing my disappointment at this informa- +tion, he added slowly, laying down his pen, 'He is a very +remarkable person.' Further questions elicited from him +that Mr. Kurtz was at present in charge of a trading +post, a very important one, in the true ivory-country, +at 'the very bottom of there. Sends in as much ivory +as all the others put together. . . .' He began to +write again. The sick man was too ill to groan. The +flies buzzed in a great peace. + +"Suddenly there was a growing murmur of voices and +a great tramping of feet. A caravan had come in. A +violent babble of uncouth sounds burst out on the other +side of the planks. All the carriers were speaking to- +gether, and in the midst of the uproar the lamentable +voice of the chief agent was heard 'giving it up' tear- +fully for the twentieth time that day. . . . He rose +slowly. 'What a frightful row,' he said. He crossed +the room gently to look at the sick man, and returning, +said to me, 'He does not hear.' 'What! Dead?' I +asked, startled. 'No, not yet,' he answered, with great +composure. Then, alluding with a toss of the head to +the tumult in the station-yard, 'When one has got to +make correct entries, one comes to hate those savages-- +hate them to the death.' He remained thoughtful for a +moment. 'When you see Mr. Kurtz,' he went on, 'tell +him from me that everything here'--he glanced at the +desk--'is very satisfactory. I don't like to write to him +--with those messengers of ours you never know who +may get hold of your letter--at that Central Station.' +He stared at me for a moment with his mild, bulging +eyes. 'Oh, he will go far, very far,' he began again. +'He will be a somebody in the Administration before +long. They, above--the Council in Europe, you know +--mean him to be.' + +"He turned to his work. The noise outside had ceased, +and presently in going out I stopped at the door. In +the steady buzz of flies the homeward-bound agent was +lying flushed and insensible; the other, bent over his +books, was making correct entries of perfectly correct +transactions; and fifty feet below the doorstep I could +see the still tree-tops of the grove of death. + +"Next day I left that station at last, with a caravan +of sixty men, for a two-hundred-mile tramp. + +"No use telling you much about that. Paths, paths, +everywhere; a stamped-in network of paths spreading +over the empty land, through long grass, through burnt +grass, through thickets, down and up chilly ravines, up +and down stony hills ablaze with heat; and a solitude, +a solitude, nobody, not a hut. The population had +cleared out a long time ago. Well, if a lot of mysterious +niggers armed with all kinds of fearful weapons sud- +denly took to traveling on the road between Deal and +Gravesend, catching the yokels right and left to carry +heavy loads for them, I fancy every farm and cottage +thereabouts would get empty very soon. Only here the +dwellings were gone too. Still I passed through several +abandoned villages. There's something pathetically +childish in the ruins of grass walls. Day after day, with +the stamp and shuffle of sixty pair of bare feet behind +me, each pair under a 60-lb. load. Camp, cook, sleep, +strike camp, march. Now and then a carrier dead in +harness, at rest in the long grass near the path, with +an empty water-gourd and his long staff lying by his +side. A great silence around and above. Perhaps on +some quiet night the tremor of far-off drums, sinking, +swelling, a tremor vast, faint; a sound weird, appealing, +suggestive, and wild--and perhaps with as profound a +meaning as the sound of bells in a Christian country. +Once a white man in an unbuttoned uniform, camping +on the path with an armed escort of lank Zanzibaris, +very hospitable and festive--not to say drunk. Was +looking after the upkeep of the road, he declared. Can't +say I saw any road or any upkeep, unless the body of a +middle-aged negro, with a bullet-hole in the forehead, +upon which I absolutely stumbled three miles farther on, +may be considered as a permanent improvement. I had +a white companion too, not a bad chap, but rather too +fleshy and with the exasperating habit of fainting on +the hot hillsides, miles away from the least bit of shade +and water. Annoying, you know, to hold your own coat +like a parasol over a man's head while he is coming-to. +I couldn't help asking him once what he meant by coming +there at all. 'To make money, of course. What do +you think?' he said, scornfully. Then he got fever, and +had to be carried in a hammock slung under a pole. As +he weighed sixteen stone I had no end of rows with the +carriers. They jibbed, ran away, sneaked off with their +loads in the night--quite a mutiny. So, one evening, +I made a speech in English with gestures, not one of +which was lost to the sixty pairs of eyes before me, and +the next morning I started the hammock off in front all +right. An hour afterwards I came upon the whole con- +cern wrecked in a bush--man, hammock, groans, blankets, +horrors. The heavy pole had skinned his poor nose. He +was very anxious for me to kill somebody, but there +wasn't the shadow of a carrier near. I remembered the +old doctor,--'It would be interesting for science to +watch the mental changes of individuals, on the spot.' +I felt I was becoming scientifically interesting. How- +ever, all that is to no purpose. On the fifteenth day I +came in sight of the big river again, and hobbled into +the Central Station. It was on a back water surrounded +by scrub and forest, with a pretty border of smelly mud +on one side, and on the three others inclosed by a crazy +fence of rushes. A neglected gap was all the gate it +had, and the first glance at the place was enough to let +you see the flabby devil was running that show. White +men with long staves in their hands appeared languidly +from amongst the buildings, strolling up to take a look +at me, and then retired out of sight somewhere. One +of them, a stout, excitable chap with black mustaches, +informed me with great volubility and many digressions, +as soon as I told him who I was, that my steamer was at +the bottom of the river. I was thunderstruck. What, +how, why? Oh, it was 'all right.' The 'manager him- +self' was there. All quite correct. 'Everybody had +behaved splendidly! splendidly!'--'you must,' he said +in agitation, 'go and see the general manager at once. +He is waiting!' + +"I did not see the real significance of that wreck at +once. I fancy I see it now, but I am not sure--not at +all. Certainly the affair was too stupid--when I think +of it--to be altogether natural. Still. . . . But at the +moment it presented itself simply as a confounded nui- +sance. The steamer was sunk. They had started two +days before in a sudden hurry up the river with the +manager on board, in charge of some volunteer skipper, +and before they had been out three hours they tore the +bottom out of her on stones, and she sank near the south +bank. I asked myself what I was to do there, now my +boat was lost. As a matter of fact, I had plenty to do +in fishing my command out of the river. I had to set +about it the very next day. That, and the repairs when +I brought the pieces to the station, took some months. + +"My first interview with the manager was curious. He +did not ask me to sit down after my twenty-mile walk +that morning. He was commonplace in complexion, in +features, in manners, and in voice. He was of middle +size and of ordinary build. His eyes, of the usual blue, +were perhaps remarkably cold, and he certainly could +make his glance fall on one as trenchant and heavy as +an ax. But even at these times the rest of his person +seemed to disclaim the intention. Otherwise there was +only an indefinable, faint expression of his lips, some- +thing stealthy--a smile--not a smile--I remember it, but +I can't explain. It was unconscious, this smile was, +though just after he had said something it got intensified +for an instant. It came at the end of his speeches like +a seal applied on the words to make the meaning of the +commonest phrase appear absolutely inscrutable. He +was a common trader, from his youth up employed in +these parts--nothing more. He was obeyed, yet he in- +spired neither love nor fear, nor even respect. He in- +spired uneasiness. That was it! Uneasiness. Not a +definite mistrust--just uneasiness--nothing more. You +have no idea how effective such a . . . a . . . fac- +ulty can be. He had no genius for organizing, for +initiative, or for order even. That was evident in such +things as the deplorable state of the station. He had +no learning, and no intelligence. His position had come +to him--why? Perhaps because he was never ill . . . +He had served three terms of three years out there . . . +Because triumphant health in the general rout of con- +stitutions is a kind of power in itself. When he went +home on leave he rioted on a large scale--pompously. +Jack ashore--with a difference--in externals only. This +one could gather from his casual talk. He originated +nothing, he could keep the routine going--that's all. +But he was great. He was great by this little thing that +it was impossible to tell what could control such a man. +He never gave that secret away. Perhaps there was +nothing within him. Such a suspicion made one pause +--for out there there were no external checks. Once +when various tropical diseases had laid low almost every +'agent' in the station, he was heard to say, 'Men who +come out here should have no entrails.' He sealed the +utterance with that smile of his, as though it had been +a door opening into a darkness he had in his keeping. +You fancied you had seen things--but the seal was on. +When annoyed at meal-times by the constant quarrels +of the white men about precedence, he ordered an im- +mense round table to be made, for which a special house +had to be built. This was the station's mess-room. Where +he sat was the first place--the rest were nowhere. One +felt this to be his unalterable conviction. He was neither +civil nor uncivil. He was quiet. He allowed his 'boy' +--an overfed young negro from the coast--to treat the +white men, under his very eyes, with provoking insolence. + +"He began to speak as soon as he saw me. I had +been very long on the road. He could not wait. Had +to start without me. The up-river stations had to be +relieved. There had been so many delays already that +he did not know who was dead and who was alive, and +how they got on--and so on, and so on. He paid no +attention to my explanations, and, playing with a stick +of sealing-wax, repeated several times that the situation +was 'very grave, very grave.' There were rumors that +a very important station was in jeopardy, and its chief, +Mr. Kurtz, was ill. Hoped it was not true. Mr. Kurtz +was . . . I felt weary and irritable. Hang Kurtz, I +thought. I interrupted him by saying I had heard of +Mr. Kurtz on the coast. 'Ah! So they talk of him +down there,' he murmured to himself. Then he began +again, assuring me Mr. Kurtz was the best agent he +had, an exceptional man, of the greatest importance to +the Company; therefore I could understand his anxiety. +He was, he said, 'very, very uneasy.' Certainly he +fidgeted on his chair a good deal, exclaimed, 'Ah, Mr. +Kurtz!' broke the stick of sealing-wax and seemed dumb- +founded by the accident. Next thing he wanted to know +'how long it would take to' . . . I interrupted him +again. Being hungry, you know, and kept on my feet +too, I was getting savage. 'How could I tell,' I said. +'I hadn't even seen the wreck yet--some months, no +doubt.' All this talk seemed to me so futile. 'Some +months,' he said. 'Well, let us say three months before +we can make a start. Yes. That ought to do the affair.' +I flung out of his hut (he lived all alone in a clay hut +with a sort of veranda) muttering to myself my opinion +of him. He was a chattering idiot. Afterwards I took +it back when it was borne in upon me startlingly with +what extreme nicety he had estimated the time requisite +for the 'affair.' + +"I went to work the next day, turning, so to speak, +my back on that station. In that way only it seemed +to me I could keep my hold on the redeeming facts of +life. Still, one must look about sometimes; and then I +saw this station, these men strolling aimlessly about in +the sunshine of the yard. I asked myself sometimes what +it all meant. They wandered here and there with their +absurd long staves in their hands, like a lot of faithless +pilgrims bewitched inside a rotten fence. The word +'ivory' rang in the air, was whispered, was sighed. You +would think they were praying to it. A taint of imbecile +rapacity blew through it all, like a whiff from some +corpse. By Jove! I've never seen anything so unreal +in my life. And outside, the silent wilderness surround- +ing this cleared speck on the earth struck me as some- +thing great and invincible, like evil or truth, waiting +patiently for the passing away of this fantastic in- +vasion. + +"Oh, these months! Well, never mind. Various things +happened. One evening a grass shed full of calico, cotton +prints, beads, and I don't know what else, burst into a +blaze so suddenly that you would have thought the earth +had opened to let an avenging fire consume all that trash. +I was smoking my pipe quietly by my dismantled steamer, +and saw them all cutting capers in the light, with their +arms lifted high, when the stout man with mustaches +came tearing down to the river, a tin pail in his hand, +assured me that everybody was 'behaving splendidly, +splendidly,' dipped about a quart of water and tore back +again. I noticed there was a hole in the bottom of his +pail. + +"I strolled up. There was no hurry. You see the +thing had gone off like a box of matches. It had been +hopeless from the very first. The flame had leaped high, +driven everybody back, lighted up everything--and col- +lapsed. The shed was already a heap of embers glowing +fiercely. A nigger was being beaten near by. They +said he had caused the fire in some way; be that as it +may, he was screeching most horribly. I saw him, later +on, for several days, sitting in a bit of shade looking +very sick and trying to recover himself: afterwards he +arose and went out--and the wilderness without a sound +took him into its bosom again. As I approached the +glow from the dark I found myself at the back of two +men, talking. I heard the name of Kurtz pronounced, +then the words, 'take advantage of this unfortunate ac- +cident.' One of the men was the manager. I wished +him a good evening. 'Did you ever see anything like +it--eh? it is incredible,' he said, and walked off. The +other man remained. He was a first-class agent, young, +gentlemanly, a bit reserved, with a forked little beard +and a hooked nose. He was stand-offish with the other +agents, and they on their side said he was the manager's +spy upon them. As to me, I had hardly ever spoken to +him before. We got into talk, and by-and-by we strolled +away from the hissing ruins. Then he asked me to his +room, which was in the main building of the station. +He struck a match, and I perceived that this young +aristocrat had not only a silver-mounted dressing-case +but also a whole candle all to himself. Just at that time +the manager was the only man supposed to have any +right to candles. Native mats covered the clay walls; +a collection of spears, assegais, shields, knives was hung +up in trophies. The business intrusted to this fellow +was the making of bricks--so I had been informed; but +there wasn't a fragment of a brick anywhere in the sta- +tion, and he had been there more than a year--waiting. +It seems he could not make bricks without something, I +don't know what--straw maybe. Anyways, it could not +be found there, and as it was not likely to be sent from +Europe, it did not appear clear to me what he was wait- +ing for. An act of special creation perhaps. However, +they were all waiting--all the sixteen or twenty pilgrims +of them--for something; and upon my word it did not +seem an uncongenial occupation, from the way they took +it, though the only thing that ever came to them was +disease--as far as I could see. They beguiled the time +by backbiting and intriguing against each other in a +foolish kind of way. There was an air of plotting about +that station, but nothing came of it, of course. It was +as unreal as everything else--as the philanthropic pre- +tense of the whole concern, as their talk, as their gov- +ernment, as their show of work. The only real feeling +was a desire to get appointed to a trading-post where +ivory was to be had, so that they could earn percentages. +They intrigued and slandered and hated each other only +on that account,--but as to effectually lifting a little +finger--oh, no. By heavens! there is something after +all in the world allowing one man to steal a horse while +another must not look at a halter. Steal a horse straight +out. Very well. He has done it. Perhaps he can ride. +But there is a way of looking at a halter that would +provoke the most charitable of saints into a kick. + +"I had no idea why he wanted to be sociable, but as +we chatted in there it suddenly occurred to me the fel- +low was trying to get at something--in fact, pumping +me. He alluded constantly to Europe, to the people I +was supposed to know there--putting leading questions +as to my acquaintances in the sepulchral city, and so on. +His little eyes glittered like mica discs--with curiosity, +--though he tried to keep up a bit of superciliousness. +At first I was astonished, but very soon I became awfully +curious to see what he would find out from me. I couldn't +possibly imagine what I had in me to make it worth +his while. It was very pretty to see how he baffled him- +self, for in truth my body was full of chills, and my +head had nothing in it but that wretched steamboat busi- +ness. It was evident he took me for a perfectly shame- +less prevaricator. At last he got angry, and to conceal +a movement of furious annoyance, he yawned. I rose. +Then I noticed a small sketch in oils, on a panel, repre- +senting a woman, draped and blindfolded, carrying a +lighted torch. The background was somber--almost +black. The movement of the woman was stately, and +the effect of the torchlight on the face was sinister. + +"It arrested me, and he stood by civilly, holding a +half-pint champagne bottle (medical comforts) with the +candle stuck in it. To my question he said Mr. Kurtz +had painted this--in this very station more than a year +ago--while waiting for means to go to his trading-post. +'Tell me, pray,' said I, 'who is this Mr. Kurtz?' + +"'The chief of the Inner Station,' he answered in a +short tone, looking away. 'Much obliged,' I said, laugh- +ing. 'And you are the brickmaker of the Central Sta- +tion. Everyone knows that.' He was silent for a while. +'He is a prodigy,' he said at last. 'He is an emissary of +pity, and science, and progress, and devil knows what +else. We want,' he began to declaim suddenly, 'for +the guidance of the cause intrusted to us by Europe, so +to speak, higher intelligence, wide sympathies, a single- +ness of purpose.' 'Who says that?' I asked. 'Lots of +them,' he replied. 'Some even write that; and so HE +comes here, a special being, as you ought to know.' 'Why +ought I to know?' I interrupted, really surprised. He +paid no attention. 'Yes. To-day he is chief of the +best station, next year he will be assistant-manager, two +years more and . . . but I dare say you know what he +will be in two years' time. You are of the new gang-- +the gang of virtue. The same people who sent him +specially also recommended you. Oh, don't say no. I've +my own eyes to trust.' Light dawned upon me. My +dear aunt's influential acquaintances were producing an +unexpected effect upon that young man. I nearly burst +into a laugh. 'Do you read the Company's confidential +correspondence?' I asked. He hadn't a word to say. It +was great fun. 'When Mr. Kurtz,' I continued severely, +'is General Manager, you won't have the opportunity.' + +"He blew the candle out suddenly, and we went out- +side. The moon had risen. Black figures strolled about +listlessly, pouring water on the glow, whence proceeded +a sound of hissing; steam ascended in the moonlight, the +beaten nigger groaned somewhere. 'What a row the +brute makes!' said the indefatigable man with the mus- +taches, appearing near us. 'Serve him right. Trans- +gression--punishment--bang! Pitiless, pitiless. That's +the only way. This will prevent all conflagrations for +the future. I was just telling the manager . . .' He +noticed my companion, and became crestfallen all at once. +'Not in bed yet,' he said, with a kind of servile hearti- +ness; 'it's so natural. Ha! Danger--agitation.' He +vanished. I went on to the river-side, and the other fol- +lowed me. I heard a scathing murmur at my ear, 'Heap +of muffs--go to.' The pilgrims could be seen in knots +gesticulating, discussing. Several had still their staves +in their hands. I verily believe they took these sticks to +bed with them. Beyond the fence the forest stood up +spectrally in the moonlight, and through the dim stir, +through the faint sounds of that lamentable courtyard, +the silence of the land went home to one's very heart,-- +its mystery, its greatness, the amazing reality of its con- +cealed life. The hurt nigger moaned feebly somewhere +near by, and then fetched a deep sigh that made me +mend my pace away from there. I felt a hand intro- +ducing itself under my arm. 'My dear sir,' said the +fellow, 'I don't want to be misunderstood, and especially +by you, who will see Mr. Kurtz long before I can have +that pleasure. I wouldn't like him to get a false idea +of my disposition. . . .' + +"I let him run on, this papier-mache Mephistopheles, +and it seemed to me that if I tried I could poke my fore- +finger through him, and would find nothing inside but +a little loose dirt, maybe. He, don't you see, had been +planning to be assistant-manager by-and-by under the +present man, and I could see that the coming of that +Kurtz had upset them both not a little. He talked pre- +cipitately, and I did not try to stop him. I had my +shoulders against the wreck of my steamer, hauled up on +the slope like a carcass of some big river animal. The +smell of mud, of primeval mud, by Jove! was in my +nostrils, the high stillness of primeval forest was before +my eyes; there were shiny patches on the black creek. +The moon had spread over everything a thin layer of +silver--over the rank grass, over the mud, upon the +wall of matted vegetation standing higher than the wall +of a temple, over the great river I could see through a +somber gap glittering, glittering, as it flowed broadly +by without a murmur. All this was great, expectant, +mute, while the man jabbered about himself. I won- +dered whether the stillness on the face of the immensity +looking at us two were meant as an appeal or as a +menace. What were we who had strayed in here? Could +we handle that dumb thing, or would it handle us? I +felt how big, how confoundedly big, was that thing that +couldn't talk, and perhaps was deaf as well. What was +in there? I could see a little ivory coming out from +there, and I had heard Mr. Kurtz was in there. I had +heard enough about it too--God knows! Yet somehow +it didn't bring any image with it--no more than if I +had been told an angel or a fiend was in there. I be- +lieved it in the same way one of you might believe there +are inhabitants in the planet Mars. I knew once a Scotch +sailmaker who was certain, dead sure, there were people +in Mars. If you asked him for some idea how they +looked and behaved, he would get shy and mutter some- +thing about 'walking on all-fours.' If you as much +as smiled, he would--though a man of sixty--offer to +fight you. I would not have gone so far as to fight +for Kurtz, but I went for him near enough to a lie. You +know I hate, detest, and can't bear a lie, not because +I am straighter than the rest of us, but simply because +it appalls me. There is a taint of death, a flavor of +mortality in lies,--which is exactly what I hate and +detest in the world--what I want to forget. It makes +me miserable and sick, like biting something rotten would +do. Temperament, I suppose. Well, I went near enough +to it by letting the young fool there believe anything +he liked to imagine as to my influence in Europe. I +became in an instant as much of a pretense as the rest +of the bewitched pilgrims. This simply because I had +a notion it somehow would be of help to that Kurtz whom +at the time I did not see--you understand. He was just +a word for me. I did not see the man in the name any +more than you do. Do you see him? Do you +see the story? Do you see anything? It seems to me +I am trying to tell you a dream--making a vain at- +tempt, because no relation of a dream can convey the +dream-sensation, that commingling of absurdity, sur- +prise, and bewilderment in a tremor of struggling revolt, +that notion of being captured by the incredible which is +of the very essence of dreams. . . ." + +He was silent for a while. + +". . . No, it is impossible; it is impossible to convey +the life-sensation of any given epoch of one's existence, +--that which makes its truth, its meaning--its subtle and +penetrating essence. It is impossible. We live, as we +dream--alone. . . ." + +He paused again as if reflecting, then added-- + +"Of course in this you fellows see more than I could +then. You see me, whom you know. . . ." + +It had become so pitch dark that we listeners could +hardly see one another. For a long time already he, +sitting apart, had been no more to us than a voice. There +was not a word from anybody. The others might have +been asleep, but I was awake. I listened, I listened on +the watch for the sentence, for the word, that would give +me the clew to the faint uneasiness inspired by this narra- +tive that seemed to shape itself without human lips in +the heavy night-air of the river. + +". . . Yes--I let him run on," Marlow began again, +"and think what he pleased about the powers that were +behind me. I did! And there was nothing behind me! +There was nothing but that wretched, old, mangled +steamboat I was leaning against, while he talked fluently +about 'the necessity for every man to get on.' 'And +when one comes out here, you conceive, it is not to gaze +at the moon.' Mr. Kurtz was a 'universal genius,' but +even a genius would find it easier to work with 'adequate +tools--intelligent men.' He did not make bricks--why, +there was a physical impossibility in the way--as I was +well aware; and if he did secretarial work for the man- +ager, it was because 'no sensible man rejects wantonly +the confidence of his superiors.' Did I see it? I saw it. +What more did I want? What I really wanted was +rivets, by heaven! Rivets. To get on with the work--to +stop the hole. Rivets I wanted. There were cases of +them down at the coast--cases--piled up--burst--split! +You kicked a loose rivet at every second step in that +station yard on the hillside. Rivets had rolled into the +grove of death. You could fill your pockets with rivets +for the trouble of stooping down--and there wasn't one +rivet to be found where it was wanted. We had plates +that would do, but nothing to fasten them with. And +every week the messenger, a lone negro, letter-bag on +shoulder and staff in hand, left our station for the coast. +And several times a week a coast caravan came in with +trade goods,--ghastly glazed calico that made you +shudder only to look at it, glass beads value about a +penny a quart, confounded spotted cotton handkerchiefs. +And no rivets. Three carriers could have brought all +that was wanted to set that steamboat afloat. + +"He was becoming confidential now, but I fancy my +unresponsive attitude must have exasperated him at last, +for he judged it necessary to inform me he feared neither +God nor devil, let alone any mere man. I said I could +see that very well, but what I wanted was a certain +quantity of rivets--and rivets were what really Mr. +Kurtz wanted, if he had only known it. Now letters +went to the coast every week. . . . 'My dear sir,' he +cried, 'I write from dictation.' I demanded rivets. There +was a way--for an intelligent man. He changed his +manner; became very cold, and suddenly began to talk +about a hippopotamus; wondered whether sleeping on +board the steamer (I stuck to my salvage night and +day) I wasn't disturbed. There was an old hippo that +had the bad habit of getting out on the bank and roam- +ing at night over the station grounds. The pilgrims +used to turn out in a body and empty every rifle they +could lay hands on at him. Some even had sat up o' +nights for him. All this energy was wasted, though. +'That animal has a charmed life,' he said; 'but you can +say this only of brutes in this country. No man--you +apprehend me?--no man here bears a charmed life.' He +stood there for a moment in the moonlight with his deli- +cate hooked nose set a little askew, and his mica eyes +glittering without a wink, then, with a curt Good night, +he strode off. I could see he was disturbed and consid- +erably puzzled, which made me feel more hopeful than +I had been for days. It was a great comfort to turn +from that chap to my influential friend, the battered, +twisted, ruined, tin-pot steamboat. I clambered on +board. She rang under my feet like an empty Huntley +& Palmer biscuit-tin kicked along a gutter; she was +nothing so solid in make, and rather less pretty in shape, +but I had expended enough hard work on her to make +me love her. No influential friend would have served +me better. She had given me a chance to come out a bit +--to find out what I could do. No, I don't like work. +I had rather laze about and think of all the fine things +that can be done. I don't like work--no man does +--but I like what is in the work,--the chance to find +yourself. Your own reality--for yourself, not for others +--what no other man can ever know. They can only +see the mere show, and never can tell what it really +means. + +"I was not surprised to see somebody sitting aft, on +the deck, with his legs dangling over the mud. You see +I rather chummed with the few mechanics there were in +that station, whom the other pilgrims naturally despised +--on account of their imperfect manners, I suppose. +This was the foreman--a boiler-maker by trade--a good +worker. He was a lank, bony, yellow-faced man, with +big intense eyes. His aspect was worried, and his head +was as bald as the palm of my hand; but his hair in +falling seemed to have stuck to his chin, and had pros- +pered in the new locality, for his beard hung down to +his waist. He was a widower with six young children +(he had left them in charge of a sister of his to come +out there), and the passion of his life was pigeon-flying. +He was an enthusiast and a connoisseur. He would rave +about pigeons. After work hours he used sometimes to +come over from his hut for a talk about his children and +his pigeons; at work, when he had to crawl in the mud +under the bottom of the steamboat, he would tie up that +beard of his in a kind of white serviette he brought for +the purpose. It had loops to go over his ears. In the +evening he could be seen squatted on the bank rinsing +that wrapper in the creek with great care, then spreading +it solemnly on a bush to dry. + +"I slapped him on the back and shouted, 'We shall have +rivets!' He scrambled to his feet exclaiming 'No! +Rivets!' as though he couldn't believe his ears. Then in +a low voice, 'You . . . eh?' I don't know why we +behaved like lunatics. I put my finger to the side of +my nose and nodded mysteriously. 'Good for you!' he +cried, snapped his fingers above his head, lifting one +foot. I tried a jig. We capered on the iron deck. A +frightful clatter came out of that hulk, and the virgin +forest on the other bank of the creek sent it back in a +thundering roll upon the sleeping station. It must have +made some of the pilgrims sit up in their hovels. A +dark figure obscured the lighted doorway of the man- +ager's hut, vanished, then, a second or so after, the +doorway itself vanished too. We stopped, and the silence +driven away by the stamping of our feet flowed back +again from the recesses of the land. The great wall of +vegetation, an exuberant and entangled mass of trunks, +branches, leaves, boughs, festoons, motionless in the +moonlight, was like a rioting invasion of soundless life, +a rolling wave of plants, piled up, crested, ready to +topple over the creek, to sweep every little man of us +out of his little existence. And it moved not. A dead- +ened burst of mighty splashes and snorts reached us +from afar, as though an ichthyosaurus had been taking +a bath of glitter in the great river. 'After all,' said the +boiler-maker in a reasonable tone, 'why shouldn't we get +the rivets?' Why not, indeed! I did not know of any +reason why we shouldn't. 'They'll come in three weeks,' +I said confidently. + +"But they didn't. Instead of rivets there came an +invasion, an infliction, a visitation. It came in sections +during the next three weeks, each section headed by a +donkey carrying a white man in new clothes and tan +shoes, bowing from that elevation right and left to the +impressed pilgrims. A quarrelsome band of footsore +sulky niggers trod on the heels of the donkeys; a lot of +tents, camp-stools, tin boxes, white cases, brown bales +would be shot down in the courtyard, and the air of +mystery would deepen a little over the muddle of the +station. Five such installments came, with their absurd +air of disorderly flight with the loot of innumerable out- +fit shops and provision stores, that, one would think, they +were lugging, after a raid, into the wilderness for equit- +able division. It was an inextricable mess of things +decent in themselves but that human folly made look +like the spoils of thieving. + +"This devoted band called itself the Eldorado Ex- +ploring Expedition, and I believe they were sworn to +secrecy. Their talk, however, was the talk of sordid +buccaneers: it was reckless without hardihood, greedy +without audacity, and cruel without courage; there was +not an atom of foresight or of serious intention in the +whole batch of them, and they did not seem aware these +things are wanted for the work of the world. To tear +treasure out of the bowels of the land was their desire, +with no more moral purpose at the back of it than there +is in burglars breaking into a safe. Who paid the ex- +penses of the noble enterprise I don't know; but the +uncle of our manager was leader of that lot. + +"In exterior he resembled a butcher in a poor neigh- +borhood, and his eyes had a look of sleepy cunning. He +carried his fat paunch with ostentation on his short legs, +and during the time his gang infested the station spoke +to no one but his nephew. You could see these two roam- +ing about all day long with their heads close together +in an everlasting confab. + +"I had given up worrying myself about the rivets. +One's capacity for that kind of folly is more limited +than you would suppose. I said Hang!--and let things +slide. I had plenty of time for meditation, and now +and then I would give some thought to Kurtz. I wasn't +very interested in him. No. Still, I was curious to see +whether this man, who had come out equipped with moral +ideas of some sort, would climb to the top after all, and +how he would set about his work when there." + + +II + + +"One evening as I was lying flat on the deck of my +steamboat, I heard voices approaching--and there were +the nephew and the uncle strolling along the bank. I +laid my head on my arm again, and had nearly lost +myself in a doze, when somebody said in my ear, as it +were: 'I am as harmless as a little child, but I don't like +to be dictated to. Am I the manager--or am I not? I +was ordered to send him there. It's incredible.' . . . +I became aware that the two were standing on the shore +alongside the forepart of the steamboat, just below my +head. I did not move; it did not occur to me to move: I +was sleepy. 'It IS unpleasant,' grunted the uncle. 'He +has asked the Administration to be sent there,' said the +other, 'with the idea of showing what he could do; and +I was instructed accordingly. Look at the influence that +man must have. Is it not frightful?' They both agreed +it was frightful, then made several bizarre remarks: +'Make rain and fine weather--one man--the Council-- +by the nose'--bits of absurd sentences that got the +better of my drowsiness, so that I had pretty near the +whole of my wits about me when the uncle said, 'The +climate may do away with this difficulty for you. Is he +alone there?' 'Yes,' answered the manager; 'he sent +his assistant down the river with a note to me in these +terms: "Clear this poor devil out of the country, and +don't bother sending more of that sort. I had rather +be alone than have the kind of men you can dispose of +with me." It was more than a year ago. Can you +imagine such impudence!' 'Anything since then?' +asked the other, hoarsely. 'Ivory,' jerked the nephew; +'lots of it--prime sort--lots--most annoying, from +him.' 'And with that?' questioned the heavy rumble. +'Invoice,' was the reply fired out, so to speak. Then +silence. They had been talking about Kurtz. + +"I was broad awake by this time, but, lying perfectly +at ease, remained still, having no inducement to change +my position. 'How did that ivory come all this way?' +growled the elder man, who seemed very vexed. The +other explained that it had come with a fleet of canoes in +charge of an English half-caste clerk Kurtz had with +him; that Kurtz had apparently intended to return him- +self, the station being by that time bare of goods and +stores, but after coming three hundred miles, had sud- +denly decided to go back, which he started to do alone +in a small dug-out with four paddlers, leaving the half- +caste to continue down the river with the ivory. The two +fellows there seemed astounded at anybody attempting +such a thing. They were at a loss for an adequate mo- +tive. As to me, I seemed to see Kurtz for the first time. +It was a distinct glimpse: the dug-out, four paddling +savages, and the lone white man turning his back sud- +denly on the headquarters, on relief, on thoughts of +home--perhaps; setting his face towards the depths of +the wilderness, towards his empty and desolate station. +I did not know the motive. Perhaps he was just simply +a fine fellow who stuck to his work for its own sake. His +name, you understand, had not been pronounced once. +He was 'that man.' The half-caste, who, as far as I +could see, had conducted a difficult trip with great pru- +dence and pluck, was invariably alluded to as 'that +scoundrel.' The 'scoundrel' had reported that the +'man' had been very ill--had recovered imperfectly. +. . . The two below me moved away then a few paces, +and strolled back and forth at some little distance. I +heard: 'Military post--doctor--two hundred miles-- +quite alone now--unavoidable delays--nine months--no +news--strange rumors.' They approached again, just +as the manager was saying, 'No one, as far as I know, +unless a species of wandering trader--a pestilential fel- +low, snapping ivory from the natives.' Who was it they +were talking about now? I gathered in snatches that +this was some man supposed to be in Kurtz's district, and +of whom the manager did not approve. 'We will not be +free from unfair competition till one of these fellows is +hanged for an example,' he said. 'Certainly,' grunted +the other; 'get him hanged! Why not? Anything-- +anything can be done in this country. That's what I +say; nobody here, you understand, HERE, can endanger +your position. And why? You stand the climate--you +outlast them all. The danger is in Europe; but there +before I left I took care to--' They moved off and +whispered, then their voices rose again. 'The extraor- +dinary series of delays is not my fault. I did my +possible.' The fat man sighed, 'Very sad.' 'And the +pestiferous absurdity of his talk,' continued the other; +'he bothered me enough when he was here. "Each +station should be like a beacon on the road towards better +things, a center for trade of course, but also for human- +izing, improving, instructing." Conceive you--that ass! +And he wants to be manager! No, it's--' Here he +got choked by excessive indignation, and I lifted my +head the least bit. I was surprised to see how near they +were--right under me. I could have spat upon their +hats. They were looking on the ground, absorbed in +thought. The manager was switching his leg with a +slender twig: his sagacious relative lifted his head. 'You +have been well since you came out this time?' he asked. +The other gave a start. 'Who? I? Oh! Like a charm +--like a charm. But the rest--oh, my goodness! All +sick. They die so quick, too, that I haven't the time +to send them out of the country--it's incredible!' 'H'm. +Just so,' grunted the uncle. 'Ah! my boy, trust to this +--I say, trust to this.' I saw him extend his short flipper +of an arm for a gesture that took in the forest, the +creek, the mud, the river,--seemed to beckon with a dis- +honoring flourish before the sunlit face of the land a +treacherous appeal to the lurking death, to the hidden +evil, to the profound darkness of its heart. It was so +startling that I leaped to my feet and looked back at +the edge of the forest, as though I had expected an +answer of some sort to that black display of confidence. +You know the foolish notions that come to one some- +times. The high stillness confronted these two figures +with its ominous patience, waiting for the passing away +of a fantastic invasion. + +"They swore aloud together--out of sheer fright, I +believe--then pretending not to know anything of my +existence, turned back to the station. The sun was low; +and leaning forward side by side, they seemed to be +tugging painfully uphill their two ridiculous shadows +of unequal length, that trailed behind them slowly over +the tall grass without bending a single blade. + +"In a few days the Eldorado Expedition went into the +patient wilderness, that closed upon it as the sea closes +over a diver. Long afterwards the news came that all +the donkeys were dead. I know nothing as to the fate of +the less valuable animals. They, no doubt, like the rest +of us, found what they deserved. I did not inquire. I +was then rather excited at the prospect of meeting Kurtz +very soon. When I say very soon I mean it compara- +tively. It was just two months from the day we left +the creek when we came to the bank below Kurtz's sta- +tion. + +"Going up that river was like traveling back to the +earliest beginnings of the world, when vegetation rioted +on the earth and the big trees were kings. An empty +stream, a great silence, an impenetrable forest. The air +was warm, thick, heavy, sluggish. There was no joy +in the brilliance of sunshine. The long stretches of the +waterway ran on, deserted, into the gloom of over- +shadowed distances. On silvery sandbanks hippos and +alligators sunned themselves side by side. The broaden- +ing waters flowed through a mob of wooded islands; you +lost your way on that river as you would in a desert, and +butted all day long against shoals, trying to find the +channel, till you thought yourself bewitched and cut +off for ever from everything you had known once--some- +where--far away--in another existence perhaps. There +were moments when one's past came back to one, as it +will sometimes when you have not a moment to spare +to yourself; but it came in the shape of an unrestful +and noisy dream, remembered with wonder amongst the +overwhelming realities of this strange world of plants, +and water, and silence. And this stillness of life did +not in the least resemble a peace. It was the stillness of +an implacable force brooding over an inscrutable inten- +tion. It looked at you with a vengeful aspect. I got +used to it afterwards; I did not see it any more; I had +no time. I had to keep guessing at the channel; I had +to discern, mostly by inspiration, the signs of hidden +banks; I watched for sunken stones; I was learning to +clap my teeth smartly before my heart flew out, when +I shaved by a fluke some infernal sly old snag that would +have ripped the life out of the tin-pot steamboat and +drowned all the pilgrims; I had to keep a look-out for +the signs of dead wood we could cut up in the night for +next day's steaming. When you have to attend to +things of that sort, to the mere incidents of the sur- +face, the reality--the reality, I tell you--fades. The +inner truth is hidden--luckily, luckily. But I felt it +all the same; I felt often its mysterious stillness watching +me at my monkey tricks, just as it watches you fellows +performing on your respective tight-ropes for--what is +it? half-a-crown a tumble--" + +"Try to be civil, Marlow," growled a voice, and I +knew there was at least one listener awake besides my- +self. + +"I beg your pardon. I forgot the heartache which +makes up the rest of the price. And indeed what does +the price matter, if the trick be well done? You do +your tricks very well. And I didn't do badly either, +since I managed not to sink that steamboat on my first +trip. It's a wonder to me yet. Imagine a blindfolded +man set to drive a van over a bad road. I sweated and +shivered over that business considerably, I can tell you. +After all, for a seaman, to scrape the bottom of the thing +that's supposed to float all the time under his care is +the unpardonable sin. No one may know of it, but you +never forget the thump--eh? A blow on the very heart. +You remember it, you dream of it, you wake up at night +and think of it--years after--and go hot and cold all +over. I don't pretend to say that steamboat floated all +the time. More than once she had to wade for a bit, +with twenty cannibals splashing around and pushing. +We had enlisted some of these chaps on the way for a +crew. Fine fellows--cannibals--in their place. They +were men one could work with, and I am grateful to +them. And, after all, they did not eat each other before +my face: they had brought along a provision of hippo- +meat which went rotten, and made the mystery of the +wilderness stink in my nostrils. Phoo! I can sniff it +now. I had the manager on board and three or four +pilgrims with their staves--all complete. Sometimes we +came upon a station close by the bank, clinging to the +skirts of the unknown, and the white men rushing out +of a tumble-down hovel, with great gestures of joy and +surprise and welcome, seemed very strange,--had the ap- +pearance of being held there captive by a spell. The word +ivory would ring in the air for a while--and on we went +again into the silence, along empty reaches, round the +still bends, between the high walls of our winding way, +reverberating in hollow claps the ponderous beat of the +stern-wheel. Trees, trees, millions of trees, massive, +immense, running up high; and at their foot, hugging +the bank against the stream, crept the little begrimed +steamboat, like a sluggish beetle crawling on the floor +of a lofty portico. It made you feel very small, very +lost, and yet it was not altogether depressing, that feel- +ing. After all, if you were small, the grimy beetle +crawled on--which was just what you wanted it to do. +Where the pilgrims imagined it crawled to I don't know. +To some place where they expected to get something, I +bet! For me it crawled toward Kurtz--exclusively; but +when the steam-pipes started leaking we crawled very +slow. The reaches opened before us and closed behind, +as if the forest had stepped leisurely across the water +to bar the way for our return. We penetrated deeper +and deeper into the heart of darkness. It was very quiet +there. At night sometimes the roll of drums behind the +curtain of trees would run up the river and remain +sustained faintly, as if hovering in the air high over our +heads, till the first break of day. Whether it meant war, +peace, or prayer we could not tell. The dawns were +heralded by the descent of a chill stillness; the wood- +cutters slept, their fires burned low; the snapping of +a twig would make you start. We were wanderers on +a prehistoric earth, on an earth that wore the aspect +of an unknown planet. We could have fancied ourselves +the first of men taking possession of an accursed in- +heritance, to be subdued at the cost of profound anguish +and of excessive toil. But suddenly, as we struggled +round a bend, there would be a glimpse of rush walls, +of peaked grass-roofs, a burst of yells, a whirl of black +limbs, a mass of hands clapping, of feet stamping, of +bodies swaying, of eyes rolling, under the droop of heavy +and motionless foliage. The steamer toiled along slowly +on the edge of a black and incomprehensible frenzy. The +prehistoric man was cursing us, praying to us, wel- +coming us--who could tell? We were cut off from the +comprehension of our surroundings; we glided past like +phantoms, wondering and secretly appalled, as sane men +would be before an enthusiastic outbreak in a madhouse. +We could not understand, because we were too far and +could not remember, because we were traveling in the +night of first ages, of those ages that are gone, leaving +hardly a sign--and no memories. + +"The earth seemed unearthly. We are accustomed to +look upon the shackled form of a conquered monster, but +there--there you could look at a thing monstrous and +free. It was unearthly, and the men were-- No, they +were not inhuman. Well, you know, that was the worst +of it--this suspicion of their not being inhuman. It +would come slowly to one. They howled, and leaped, and +spun, and made horrid faces; but what thrilled you was +just the thought of their humanity--like yours--the +thought of your remote kinship with this wild and pas- +sionate uproar. Ugly. Yes, it was ugly enough; but +if you were man enough you would admit to yourself +that there was in you just the faintest trace of a re- +sponse to the terrible frankness of that noise, a dim +suspicion of there being a meaning in it which you-- +you so remote from the night of first ages--could com- +prehend. And why not? The mind of man is capable +of anything--because everything is in it, all the past +as well as all the future. What was there after all? +Joy, fear, sorrow, devotion, valor, rage--who can tell? +--but truth--truth stripped of its cloak of time. Let +the fool gape and shudder--the man knows, and can +look on without a wink. But he must at least be as +much of a man as these on the shore. He must meet +that truth with his own true stuff--with his own inborn +strength. Principles? Principles won't do. Acquisi- +tions, clothes, pretty rags--rags that would fly off at +the first good shake. No; you want a deliberate belief. +An appeal to me in this fiendish row--is there? Very +well; I hear; I admit, but I have a voice too, and for +good or evil mine is the speech that cannot be silenced. +Of course, a fool, what with sheer fright and fine senti- +ments, is always safe. Who's that grunting? You +wonder I didn't go ashore for a howl and a dance? Well, +no--I didn't. Fine sentiments, you say? Fine senti- +ments, be hanged! I had no time. I had to mess about +with white-lead and strips of woolen blanket helping +to put bandages on those leaky steam-pipes--I tell you. +I had to watch the steering, and circumvent those snags, +and get the tin-pot along by hook or by crook. There +was surface-truth enough in these things to save a wiser +man. And between whiles I had to look after the savage +who was fireman. He was an improved specimen; he +could fire up a vertical boiler. He was there below me, +and, upon my word, to look at him was as edifying as +seeing a dog in a parody of breeches and a feather hat, +walking on his hind-legs. A few months of training had +done for that really fine chap. He squinted at the +steam-gauge and at the water-gauge with an evident +effort of intrepidity--and he had filed teeth too, the +poor devil, and the wool of his pate shaved into queer +patterns, and three ornamental scars on each of his +cheeks. He ought to have been clapping his hands and +stamping his feet on the bank, instead of which he was +hard at work, a thrall to strange witchcraft, full of +improving knowledge. He was useful because he had +been instructed; and what he knew was this--that should +the water in that transparent thing disappear, the evil +spirit inside the boiler would get angry through the +greatness of his thirst, and take a terrible vengeance. +So he sweated and fired up and watched the glass fear- +fully (with an impromptu charm, made of rags, tied to +his arm, and a piece of polished bone, as big as a watch, +stuck flatways through his lower lip), while the wooded +banks slipped past us slowly, the short noise was left +behind, the interminable miles of silence--and we crept +on, towards Kurtz. But the snags were thick, the water +was treacherous and shallow, the boiler seemed indeed +to have a sulky devil in it, and thus neither that fire- +man nor I had any time to peer into our creepy thoughts. + +"Some fifty miles below the Inner Station we came +upon a hut of reeds, an inclined and melancholy pole, +with the unrecognizable tatters of what had been a flag +of some sort flying from it, and a neatly stacked wood- +pile. This was unexpected. We came to the bank, and +on the stack of firewood found a flat piece of board with +some faded pencil-writing on it. When deciphered it +said: 'Wood for you. Hurry up. Approach cautiously.' +There was a signature, but it was illegible--not Kurtz +--a much longer word. 'Hurry up.' Where? Up the +river? 'Approach cautiously.' We had not done so. +But the warning could not have been meant for the place +where it could be only found after approach. Some- +thing was wrong above. But what--and how much? +That was the question. We commented adversely upon +the imbecility of that telegraphic style. The bush around +said nothing, and would not let us look very far, either. +A torn curtain of red twill hung in the doorway of the +hut, and flapped sadly in our faces. The dwelling was +dismantled; but we could see a white man had lived +there not very long ago. There remained a rude table +--a plank on two posts; a heap of rubbish reposed in a +dark corner, and by the door I picked up a book. It +had lost its covers, and the pages had been thumbed into +a state of extremely dirty softness; but the back had been +lovingly stitched afresh with white cotton thread, which +looked clean yet. It was an extraordinary find. Its title +was, 'An Inquiry into some Points of Seamanship,' by a +man Tower, Towson--some such name--Master in his +Majesty's Navy. The matter looked dreary reading +enough, with illustrative diagrams and repulsive tables of +figures, and the copy was sixty years old. I handled this +amazing antiquity with the greatest possible tenderness, +lest it should dissolve in my hands. Within, Towson or +Towser was inquiring earnestly into the breaking strain +of ships' chains and tackle, and other such matters. Not +a very enthralling book; but at the first glance you +could see there a singleness of intention, an honest con- +cern for the right way of going to work, which made +these humble pages, thought out so many years ago, +luminous with another than a professional light. The +simple old sailor, with his talk of chains and purchases, +made me forget the jungle and the pilgrims in a delicious +sensation of having come upon something unmistakably +real. Such a book being there was wonderful enough; +but still more astounding were the notes penciled in the +margin, and plainly referring to the text. I couldn't +believe my eyes! They were in cipher! Yes, it looked +like cipher. Fancy a man lugging with him a book of +that description into this nowhere and studying it-- +and making notes--in cipher at that! It was an ex- +travagant mystery. + +"I had been dimly aware for some time of a worrying +noise, and when I lifted my eyes I saw the wood-pile +was gone, and the manager, aided by all the pilgrims, +was shouting at me from the river-side. I slipped the +book into my pocket. I assure you to leave off reading +was like tearing myself away from the shelter of an old +and solid friendship. + +"I started the lame engine ahead. 'It must be this +miserable trader--this intruder,' exclaimed the manager, +looking back malevolently at the place we had left. 'He +must be English,' I said. 'It will not save him from +getting into trouble if he is not careful,' muttered the +manager darkly. I observed with assumed innocence that +no man was safe from trouble in this world. + +"The current was more rapid now, the steamer seemed +at her last gasp, the stern-wheel flopped languidly, and +I caught myself listening on tiptoe for the next beat of +the boat, for in sober truth I expected the wretched thing +to give up every moment. It was like watching the last +flickers of a life. But still we crawled. Sometimes I +would pick out a tree a little way ahead to measure our +progress towards Kurtz by, but I lost it invariably be- +fore we got abreast. To keep the eyes so long on one +thing was too much for human patience. The manager +displayed a beautiful resignation. I fretted and fumed +and took to arguing with myself whether or no I would +talk openly with Kurtz; but before I could come to any +conclusion it occurred to me that my speech or my silence, +indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility. +What did it matter what anyone knew or ignored? What +did it matter who was manager? One gets sometimes +such a flash of insight. The essentials of this affair lay +deep under the surface, beyond my reach, and beyond +my power of meddling. + +"Towards the evening of the second day we judged +ourselves about eight miles from Kurtz's station. I +wanted to push on; but the manager looked grave, and +told me the navigation up there was so dangerous that it +would be advisable, the sun being very low already, to +wait where we were till next morning. Moreover, he +pointed out that if the warning to approach cautiously +were to be followed, we must approach in daylight-- +not at dusk, or in the dark. This was sensible enough. +Eight miles meant nearly three hours' steaming for us, +and I could also see suspicious ripples at the upper end +of the reach. Nevertheless, I was annoyed beyond ex- +pression at the delay, and most unreasonably too, since +one night more could not matter much after so many +months. As we had plenty of wood, and caution was +the word, I brought up in the middle of the stream. +The reach was narrow, straight, with high sides like a +railway cutting. The dusk came gliding into it long +before the sun had set. The current ran smooth and +swift, but a dumb immobility sat on the banks. The +living trees, lashed together by the creepers and every +living bush of the undergrowth, might have been changed +into stone, even to the slenderest twig, to the lightest +leaf. It was not sleep--it seemed unnatural, like a +state of trance. Not the faintest sound of any kind +could be heard. You looked on amazed, and began to +suspect yourself of being deaf--then the night came +suddenly, and struck you blind as well. About three +in the morning some large fish leaped, and the loud +splash made me jump as though a gun had been fired. +When the sun rose there was a white fog, very warm +and clammy, and more blinding than the night. It did +not shift or drive; it was just there, standing all round +you like something solid. At eight or nine, perhaps, it +lifted as a shutter lifts. We had a glimpse of the tower- +ing multitude of trees, of the immense matted jungle, +with the blazing little ball of the sun hanging over it-- +all perfectly still--and then the white shutter came down +again, smoothly, as if sliding in greased grooves. I +ordered the chain, which we had begun to heave in, to +be paid out again. Before it stopped running with a +muffled rattle, a cry, a very loud cry, as of infinite +desolation, soared slowly in the opaque air. It ceased. +A complaining clamor, modulated in savage discords, +filled our ears. The sheer unexpectedness of it made +my hair stir under my cap. I don't know how it struck +the others: to me it seemed as though the mist itself +had screamed, so suddenly, and apparently from all +sides at once, did this tumultuous and mournful uproar +arise. It culminated in a hurried outbreak of almost +intolerably excessive shrieking, which stopped short, leav- +ing us stiffened in a variety of silly attitudes, and ob- +stinately listening to the nearly as appalling and ex- +cessive silence. 'Good God! What is the meaning--?' +stammered at my elbow one of the pilgrims,--a little +fat man, with sandy hair and red whiskers, who wore +side-spring boots, and pink pyjamas tucked into his +socks. Two others remained open-mouthed a whole min- +ute, then dashed into the little cabin, to rush out in- +continently and stand darting scared glances, with Win- +chesters at 'ready' in their hands. What we could see +was just the steamer we were on, her outlines blurred as +though she had been on the point of dissolving, and a +misty strip of water, perhaps two feet broad, around +her--and that was all. The rest of the world was no- +where, as far as our eyes and ears were concerned. Just +nowhere. Gone, disappeared; swept off without leaving +a whisper or a shadow behind. + +"I went forward, and ordered the chain to be hauled +in short, so as to be ready to trip the anchor and move +the steamboat at once if necessary. 'Will they attack?' +whispered an awed voice. 'We will all be butchered in +this fog,' murmured another. The faces twitched with +the strain, the hands trembled slightly, the eyes forgot +to wink. It was very curious to see the contrast of ex- +pressions of the white men and of the black fellows of +our crew, who were as much strangers to that part of the +river as we, though their homes were only eight hundred +miles away. The whites, of course greatly discomposed, +had besides a curious look of being painfully shocked +by such an outrageous row. The others had an alert, +naturally interested expression; but their faces were es- +sentially quiet, even those of the one or two who grinned +as they hauled at the chain. Several exchanged short, +grunting phrases, which seemed to settle the matter to +their satisfaction. Their headman, a young, broad- +chested black, severely draped in dark-blue fringed +cloths, with fierce nostrils and his hair all done up art- +fully in oily ringlets, stood near me. 'Aha!' I said, just +for good fellowship's sake. 'Catch 'im,' he snapped, +with a bloodshot widening of his eyes and a flash of +sharp teeth--'catch 'im. Give 'im to us.' 'To you, +eh?' I asked; 'what would you do with them?' 'Eat +'im!' he said curtly, and, leaning his elbow on the rail, +looked out into the fog in a dignified and profoundly +pensive attitude. I would no doubt have been properly +horrified, had it not occurred to me that he and his +chaps must be very hungry: that they must have been +growing increasingly hungry for at least this month +past. They had been engaged for six months (I don't +think a single one of them had any clear idea of time, +as we at the end of countless ages have. They still be- +longed to the beginnings of time--had no inherited ex- +perience to teach them as it were), and of course, as +long as there was a piece of paper written over in ac- +cordance with some farcical law or other made down the +river, it didn't enter anybody's head to trouble how +they would live. Certainly they had brought with them +some rotten hippo-meat, which couldn't have lasted very +long, anyway, even if the pilgrims hadn't, in the midst +of a shocking hullabaloo, thrown a considerable quantity +of it overboard. It looked like a high-handed proceed- +ing; but it was really a case of legitimate self-defense. +You can't breathe dead hippo waking, sleeping, and +eating, and at the same time keep your precarious grip +on existence. Besides that, they had given them every +week three pieces of brass wire, each about nine inches +long; and the theory was they were to buy their pro- +visions with that currency in river-side villages. You +can see how THAT worked. There were either no villages, +or the people were hostile, or the director, who like the +rest of us fed out of tins, with an occasional old he-goat +thrown in, didn't want to stop the steamer for some more +or less recondite reason. So, unless they swallowed the +wire itself, or made loops of it to snare the fishes with, +I don't see what good their extravagant salary could be +to them. I must say it was paid with a regularity worthy +of a large and honorable trading company. For the +rest, the only thing to eat--though it didn't look eat- +able in the least--I saw in their possession was a few +lumps of some stuff like half-cooked dough, of a dirty +lavender color, they kept wrapped in leaves, and now and +then swallowed a piece of, but so small that it seemed +done more for the looks of the thing than for any seri- +ous purpose of sustenance. Why in the name of all the +gnawing devils of hunger they didn't go for us--they +were thirty to five--and have a good tuck in for once, +amazes me now when I think of it. They were big +powerful men, with not much capacity to weigh the con- +sequences, with courage, with strength, even yet, though +their skins were no longer glossy and their muscles no +longer hard. And I saw that something restraining, one +of those human secrets that baffle probability, had come +into play there. I looked at them with a swift quicken- +ing of interest--not because it occurred to me I might +be eaten by them before very long, though I own to you +that just then I perceived--in a new light, as it were-- +how unwholesome the pilgrims looked, and I hoped, yes, +I positively hoped, that my aspect was not so--what shall +I say?--so--unappetizing: a touch of fantastic vanity +which fitted well with the dream-sensation that pervaded +all my days at that time. Perhaps I had a little fever +too. One can't live with one's finger everlastingly on +one's pulse. I had often 'a little fever,' or a little touch +of other things--the playful paw-strokes of the wilder- +ness, the preliminary trifling before the more serious +onslaught which came in due course. Yes; I looked at +them as you would on any human being, with a curiosity +of their impulses, motives, capacities, weaknesses, when +brought to the test of an inexorable physical necessity. +Restraint! What possible restraint? Was it supersti- +tion, disgust, patience, fear--or some kind of primitive +honor? No fear can stand up to hunger, no patience +can wear it out, disgust simply does not exist where +hunger is; and as to superstition, beliefs, and what you +may call principles, they are less than chaff in a breeze. +Don't you know the devilry of lingering starvation, its +exasperating torment, its black thoughts, its somber and +brooding ferocity? Well, I do. It takes a man all his +inborn strength to fight hunger properly. It's really +easier to face bereavement, dishonor, and the perdition +of one's soul--than this kind of prolonged hunger. Sad, +but true. And these chaps too had no earthly reason +for any kind of scruple. Restraint! I would just as +soon have expected restraint from a hyena prowling +amongst the corpses of a battlefield. But there was the +fact facing me--the fact dazzling, to be seen, like the +foam on the depths of the sea, like a ripple on an un- +fathomable enigma, a mystery greater--when I thought +of it--than the curious, inexplicable note of desperate +grief in this savage clamor that had swept by us on the +river-bank, behind the blind whiteness of the fog. + +"Two pilgrims were quarreling in hurried whispers +as to which bank. 'Left.' 'No, no; how can you? +Right, right, of course.' 'It is very serious,' said the +manager's voice behind me; 'I would be desolated if +anything should happen to Mr. Kurtz before we came +up.' I looked at him, and had not the slightest doubt +he was sincere. He was just the kind of man who would +wish to preserve appearances. That was his restraint. +But when he muttered something about going on at once, +I did not even take the trouble to answer him. I knew, +and he knew, that it was impossible. Were we to let go +our hold of the bottom, we would be absolutely in the +air--in space. We wouldn't be able to tell where we +were going to--whether up or down stream, or across +--till we fetched against one bank or the other,--and +then we wouldn't know at first which it was. Of course +I made no move. I had no mind for a smash-up. You +couldn't imagine a more deadly place for a shipwreck. +Whether drowned at once or not, we were sure to perish +speedily in one way or another. 'I authorize you to +take all the risks,' he said, after a short silence. 'I refuse +to take any,' I said shortly; which was just the answer +he expected, though its tone might have surprised him. +'Well, I must defer to your judgment. You are cap- +tain,' he said, with marked civility. I turned my shoul- +der to him in sign of my appreciation, and looked into +the fog. How long would it last? It was the most hope- +less look-out. The approach to this Kurtz grubbing +for ivory in the wretched bush was beset by as many +dangers as though he had been an enchanted princess +sleeping in a fabulous castle. 'Will they attack, do you +think?' asked the manager, in a confidential tone. + +"I did not think they would attack, for several obvious +reasons. The thick fog was one. If they left the bank +in their canoes they would get lost in it, as we would +be if we attempted to move. Still, I had also judged the +jungle of both banks quite impenetrable--and yet eyes +were in it, eyes that had seen us. The river-side bushes +were certainly very thick; but the undergrowth behind +was evidently penetrable. However, during the short +lift I had seen no canoes anywhere in the reach--cer- +tainly not abreast of the steamer. But what made the +idea of attack inconceivable to me was the nature of the +noise--of the cries we had heard. They had not the +fierce character boding of immediate hostile intention. +Unexpected, wild, and violent as they had been, they had +given me an irresistible impression of sorrow. The +glimpse of the steamboat had for some reason filled those +savages with unrestrained grief. The danger, if any, +I expounded, was from our proximity to a great hu- +man passion let loose. Even extreme grief may ulti- +mately vent itself in violence--but more generally takes +the form of apathy. . . . + +"You should have seen the pilgrims stare! They had +no heart to grin, or even to revile me; but I believe they +thought me gone mad--with fright, maybe. I delivered +a regular lecture. My dear boys, it was no good bother- +ing. Keep a look-out? Well, you may guess I watched +the fog for the signs of lifting as a cat watches a mouse; +but for anything else our eyes were of no more use to +us than if we had been buried miles deep in a heap of +cotton-wool. It felt like it too--choking, warm, stifling. +Besides, all I said, though it sounded extravagant, was +absolutely true to fact. What we afterwards alluded to +as an attack was really an attempt at repulse. The +action was very far from being aggressive--it was not +even defensive, in the usual sense: it was undertaken +under the stress of desperation, and in its essence was +purely protective. + +"It developed itself, I should say, two hours after the +fog lifted, and its commencement was at a spot, roughly +speaking, about a mile and a half below Kurtz's station. +We had just floundered and flopped round a bend, when +I saw an islet, a mere grassy hummock of bright green, +in the middle of the stream. It was the only thing of +the kind; but as we opened the reach more, I perceived +it was the head of a long sandbank, or rather of a chain +of shallow patches stretching down the middle of the +river. They were discolored, just awash, and the whole +lot was seen just under the water, exactly as a man's +backbone is seen running down the middle of his back +under the skin. Now, as far as I did see, I could go +to the right or to the left of this. I didn't know either +channel, of course. The banks looked pretty well alike, +the depth appeared the same; but as I had been informed +the station was on the west side, I naturally headed for +the western passage. + +"No sooner had we fairly entered it than I became +aware it was much narrower than I had supposed. To +the left of us there was the long uninterrupted shoal, +and to the right a high, steep bank heavily overgrown +with bushes. Above the bush the trees stood in serried +ranks. The twigs overhung the current thickly, and +from distance to distance a large limb of some tree pro- +jected rigidly over the stream. It was then well on in +the afternoon, the face of the forest was gloomy, and +a broad strip of shadow had already fallen on the water. +In this shadow we steamed up--very slowly, as you may +imagine. I sheered her well inshore--the water being +deepest near the bank, as the sounding-pole informed me. + +"One of my hungry and forbearing friends was sound- +ing in the bows just below me. This steamboat was +exactly like a decked scow. On the deck there were two +little teak-wood houses, with doors and windows. The +boiler was in the fore-end, and the machinery right +astern. Over the whole there was a light roof, supported +on stanchions. The funnel projected through that roof, +and in front of the funnel a small cabin built of light +planks served for a pilot-house. It contained a couch, +two camp-stools, a loaded Martini-Henry leaning in one +corner, a tiny table, and the steering-wheel. It had a +wide door in front and a broad shutter at each side. All +these were always thrown open, of course. I spent my +days perched up there on the extreme fore-end of that +roof, before the door. At night I slept, or tried to, on +the couch. An athletic black belonging to some coast +tribe, and educated by my poor predecessor, was the +helmsman. He sported a pair of brass earrings, wore a +blue cloth wrapper from the waist to the ankles, and +thought all the world of himself. He was the most +unstable kind of fool I had ever seen. He steered with +no end of a swagger while you were by; but if he lost +sight of you, he became instantly the prey of an abject +funk, and would let that cripple of a steamboat get the +upper hand of him in a minute. + +"I was looking down at the sounding-pole, and feel- +ing much annoyed to see at each try a little more of it +stick out of that river, when I saw my poleman give up +the business suddenly, and stretch himself flat on +the deck, without even taking the trouble to haul his +pole in. He kept hold on it though, and it trailed in +the water. At the same time the fireman, whom I could +also see below me, sat down abruptly before his furnace +and ducked his head. I was amazed. Then I had to look +at the river mighty quick, because there was a snag in +the fairway. Sticks, little sticks, were flying about-- +thick: they were whizzing before my nose, dropping be- +low me, striking behind me against my pilot-house. All +this time the river, the shore, the woods, were very quiet-- +perfectly quiet. I could only hear the heavy splashing +thump of the stern-wheel and the patter of these things. +We cleared the snag clumsily. Arrows, by Jove! We +were being shot at! I stepped in quickly to close the +shutter on the land side. That fool-helmsman, his hands +on the spokes, was lifting his knees high, stamping his +feet, champing his mouth, like a reined-in horse. Con- +found him! And we were staggering within ten feet of +the bank. I had to lean right out to swing the heavy +shutter, and I saw a face amongst the leaves on the +level with my own, looking at me very fierce and steady; +and then suddenly, as though a veil had been removed +from my eyes, I made out, deep in the tangled gloom, +naked breasts, arms, legs, glaring eyes,--the bush was +swarming with human limbs in movement, glistening, of +bronze color. The twigs shook, swayed, and rustled, the +arrows flew out of them, and then the shutter came to. +'Steer her straight,' I said to the helmsman. He held +his head rigid, face forward; but his eyes rolled, he +kept on lifting and setting down his feet gently, his +mouth foamed a little. 'Keep quiet!' I said in a fury. +I might just as well have ordered a tree not to sway +in the wind. I darted out. Below me there was a great +scuffle of feet on the iron deck; confused exclamations; +a voice screamed, 'Can you turn back?' I caught shape +of a V-shaped ripple on the water ahead. What? An- +other snag! A fusillade burst out under my feet. The +pilgrims had opened with their Winchesters, and were +simply squirting lead into that bush. A deuce of a +lot of smoke came up and drove slowly forward. I +swore at it. Now I couldn't see the ripple or the snag +either. I stood in the doorway, peering, and the arrows +came in swarms. They might have been poisoned, but +they looked as though they wouldn't kill a cat. The +bush began to howl. Our wood-cutters raised a warlike +whoop; the report of a rifle just at my back deafened +me. I glanced over my shoulder, and the pilot-house +was yet full of noise and smoke when I made a dash +at the wheel. The fool-nigger had dropped everything, +to throw the shutter open and let off that Martini-Henry. +He stood before the wide opening, glaring, and I yelled +at him to come back, while I straightened the sudden +twist out of that steamboat. There was no room to +turn even if I had wanted to, the snag was somewhere +very near ahead in that confounded smoke, there +was no time to lose, so I just crowded her into the +bank--right into the bank, where I knew the water +was deep. + +"We tore slowly along the overhanging bushes in a +whirl of broken twigs and flying leaves. The fusillade +below stopped short, as I had foreseen it would when +the squirts got empty. I threw my head back to a glint- +ing whizz that traversed the pilot-house, in at one shutter- +hole and out at the other. Looking past that mad helms- +man, who was shaking the empty rifle and yelling at +the shore, I saw vague forms of men running bent double, +leaping, gliding, distinct, incomplete, evanescent. Some- +thing big appeared in the air before the shutter, the +rifle went overboard, and the man stepped back swiftly, +looked at me over his shoulder in an extraordinary, pro- +found, familiar manner, and fell upon my feet. The +side of his head hit the wheel twice, and the end of what +appeared a long cane clattered round and knocked over +a little camp-stool. It looked as though after wrench- +ing that thing from somebody ashore he had lost his +balance in the effort. The thin smoke had blown away, +we were clear of the snag, and looking ahead I could see +that in another hundred yards or so I would be free to +sheer off, away from the bank; but my feet felt so very +warm and wet that I had to look down. The man had +rolled on his back and stared straight up at me; both +his hands clutched that cane. It was the shaft of a +spear that, either thrown or lunged through the open- +ing, had caught him in the side just below the ribs; the +blade had gone in out of sight, after making a frightful +gash; my shoes were full; a pool of blood lay very still, +gleaming dark-red under the wheel; his eyes shone with +an amazing luster. The fusillade burst out again. He +looked at me anxiously, gripping the spear like some- +thing precious, with an air of being afraid I would try +to take it away from him. I had to make an effort to +free my eyes from his gaze and attend to the steering. +With one hand I felt above my head for the line of the +steam-whistle, and jerked out screech after screech hur- +riedly. The tumult of angry and warlike yells was +checked instantly, and then from the depths of the woods +went out such a tremulous and prolonged wail of mourn- +ful fear and utter despair as may be imagined to follow +the flight of the last hope from the earth. There was +a great commotion in the bush; the shower of arrows +stopped, a few dropping shots rang out sharply--then +silence, in which the languid beat of the stern-wheel +came plainly to my ears. I put the helm hard a-star- +board at the moment when the pilgrim in pink pyjamas, +very hot and agitated, appeared in the doorway. 'The +manager sends me--' he began in an official tone, and +stopped short. 'Good God!' he said, glaring at the +wounded man. + +"We two whites stood over him, and his lustrous and +inquiring glance enveloped us both. I declare it looked +as though he would presently put to us some question in +an understandable language; but he died without utter- +ing a sound, without moving a limb, without twitching +a muscle. Only in the very last moment, as though in +response to some sign we could not see, to some whisper +we could not hear, he frowned heavily, and that frown +gave to his black death-mask an inconceivably somber, +brooding, and menacing expression. The luster of in- +quiring glance faded swiftly into vacant glassiness. 'Can +you steer?' I asked the agent eagerly. He looked very +dubious; but I made a grab at his arm, and he under- +stood at once I meant him to steer whether or no. To +tell you the truth, I was morbidly anxious to change +my shoes and socks. 'He is dead,' murmured the fel- +low, immensely impressed. 'No doubt about it,' said I, +tugging like mad at the shoe-laces. 'And, by the way, +I suppose Mr. Kurtz is dead as well by this time.' + +"For the moment that was the dominant thought. +There was a sense of extreme disappointment, as though +I had found out I had been striving after something al- +together without a substance. I couldn't have been more +disgusted if I had traveled all this way for the sole +purpose of talking with Mr. Kurtz. Talking with. +. . . I flung one shoe overboard, and became aware +that that was exactly what I had been looking forward +to--a talk with Kurtz. I made the strange discovery +that I had never imagined him as doing, you know, but +as discoursing. I didn't say to myself, 'Now I will +never see him,' or 'Now I will never shake him by the +hand,' but, 'Now I will never hear him.' The man pre- +sented himself as a voice. Not of course that I did not +connect him with some sort of action. Hadn't I been +told in all the tones of jealousy and admiration that he +had collected, bartered, swindled, or stolen more ivory +than all the other agents together? That was not the +point. The point was in his being a gifted creature, and +that of all his gifts the one that stood out pre- +eminently, that carried with it a sense of real presence, +was his ability to talk, his words--the gift of expression, +the bewildering, the illuminating, the most exalted and +the most contemptible, the pulsating stream of light, or +the deceitful flow from the heart of an impenetrable +darkness. + +"The other shoe went flying unto the devil-god of that +river. I thought, 'By Jove! it's all over. We are too +late; he has vanished--the gift has vanished, by means +of some spear, arrow, or club. I will never hear that +chap speak after all,'--and my sorrow had a startling +extravagance of emotion, even such as I had noticed in +the howling sorrow of these savages in the bush. I +couldn't have felt more of lonely desolation somehow, +had I been robbed of a belief or had missed my destiny +in life. . . . Why do you sigh in this beastly way, +somebody? Absurd? Well, absurd. Good Lord! +mustn't a man ever-- Here, give me some to- +bacco." . . . + +There was a pause of profound stillness, then a match +flared, and Marlow's lean face appeared, worn, hollow, +with downward folds and dropped eyelids, with an aspect +of concentrated attention; and as he took vigorous draws +at his pipe, it seemed to retreat and advance out of the +night in the regular flicker of the tiny flame. The match +went out. + +"Absurd!" he cried. "This is the worst of trying +to tell. . . . Here you all are, each moored with two +good addresses, like a hulk with two anchors, a butcher +round one corner, a policeman round another, excellent +appetites, and temperature normal--you hear--normal +from year's end to year's end. And you say, Absurd! +Absurd be--exploded! Absurd! My dear boys, what +can you expect from a man who out of sheer nervous- +ness had just flung overboard a pair of new shoes. +Now I think of it, it is amazing I did not shed tears. +I am, upon the whole, proud of my fortitude. I was +cut to the quick at the idea of having lost the inestimable +privilege of listening to the gifted Kurtz. Of course +I was wrong. The privilege was waiting for me. Oh +yes, I heard more than enough. And I was right, too. +A voice. He was very little more than a voice. And +I heard--him--it--this voice--other voices--all of them +were so little more than voices--and the memory of that +time itself lingers around me, impalpable, like a dying +vibration of one immense jabber, silly, atrocious, sordid, +savage, or simply mean, without any kind of sense. +Voices, voices--even the girl herself--now--" + +He was silent for a long time. + +"I laid the ghost of his gifts at last with a lie," he +began suddenly. "Girl! What? Did I mention a +girl? Oh, she is out of it--completely. They--the +women, I mean--are out of it--should be out of it. We +must help them to stay in that beautiful world of their +own, lest ours gets worse. Oh, she had to be out of it. +You should have heard the disinterred body of Mr. +Kurtz saying, 'My Intended.' You would have per- +ceived directly then how completely she was out of it. +And the lofty frontal bone of Mr. Kurtz! They say +the hair goes on growing sometimes, but this--ah-- +specimen, was impressively bald. The wilderness had +patted him on the head, and, behold, it was like a ball +--an ivory ball; it had caressed him, and--lo!--he had +withered; it had taken him, loved him, embraced him, +got into his veins, consumed his flesh, and sealed his +soul to its own by the inconceivable ceremonies of some +devilish initiation. He was its spoiled and pampered +favorite. Ivory? I should think so. Heaps of it, +stacks of it. The old mud shanty was bursting with it. +You would think there was not a single tusk left either +above or below the ground in the whole country. 'Mostly +fossil,' the manager had remarked disparagingly. It +was no more fossil than I am; but they call it fossil +when it is dug up. It appears these niggers do bury +the tusks sometimes--but evidently they couldn't bury +this parcel deep enough to save the gifted Mr. Kurtz +from his fate. We filled the steamboat with it, and had +to pile a lot on the deck. Thus he could see and enjoy +as long as he could see, because the appreciation of +this favor had remained with him to the last. You should +have heard him say, 'My ivory.' Oh yes, I heard him. +'My Intended, my ivory, my station, my river, my--' +everything belonged to him. It made me hold my breath +in expectation of hearing the wilderness burst into a +prodigious peal of laughter that would shake the fixed +stars in their places. Everything belonged to him--but +that was a trifle. The thing was to know what he be- +longed to, how many powers of darkness claimed him +for their own. That was the reflection that made you +creepy all over. It was impossible--it was not good for +one either--trying to imagine. He had taken a high +seat amongst the devils of the land--I mean literally. +You can't understand. How could you?--with solid +pavement under your feet, surrounded by kind neigh- +bors ready to cheer you or to fall on you, stepping +delicately between the butcher and the policeman, in the +holy terror of scandal and gallows and lunatic asylums +--how can you imagine what particular region of the +first ages a man's untrammeled feet may take him into +by the way of solitude--utter solitude without a police- +man--by the way of silence, utter silence, where no +warning voice of a kind neighbor can be heard whisper- +ing of public opinion? These little things make all the +great difference. When they are gone you must fall +back upon your own innate strength, upon your own +capacity for faithfulness. Of course you may be too +much of a fool to go wrong--too dull even to know you +are being assaulted by the powers of darkness. I take +it, no fool ever made a bargain for his soul with the +devil: the fool is too much of a fool, or the devil too +much of a devil--I don't know which. Or you may be +such a thunderingly exalted creature as to be altogether +deaf and blind to anything but heavenly sights and +sounds. Then the earth for you is only a standing place +--and whether to be like this is your loss or your gain I +won't pretend to say. But most of us are neither one +nor the other. The earth for us is a place to live in, +where we must put up with sights, with sounds, with +smells too, by Jove!--breathe dead hippo, so to speak, +and not be contaminated. And there, don't you see? +Your strength comes in, the faith in your ability for the +digging of unostentatious holes to bury the stuff in-- +your power of devotion, not to yourself, but to an +obscure, back-breaking business. And that's difficult +enough. Mind, I am not trying to excuse or even ex- +plain--I am trying to account to myself for--for--Mr. +Kurtz--for the shade of Mr. Kurtz. This initiated +wraith from the back of Nowhere honored me with its +amazing confidence before it vanished altogether. This +was because it could speak English to me. The original +Kurtz had been educated partly in England, and--as +he was good enough to say himself--his sympathies were +in the right place. His mother was half-English, his +father was half-French. All Europe contributed to the +making of Kurtz; and by-and-by I learned that, most +appropriately, the International Society for the Sup- +pression of Savage Customs had intrusted him with the +making of a report, for its future guidance. And he +had written it too. I've seen it. I've read it. It was +eloquent, vibrating with eloquence, but too high-strung, +I think. Seventeen pages of close writing he had found +time for! But this must have been before his--let us +say--nerves, went wrong, and caused him to preside at +certain midnight dances ending with unspeakable rites, +which--as far as I reluctantly gathered from what I +heard at various times--were offered up to him--do you +understand?--to Mr. Kurtz himself. But it was a beau- +tiful piece of writing. The opening paragraph, how- +ever, in the light of later information, strikes me now +as ominous. He began with the argument that we whites, +from the point of development we had arrived at, 'must +necessarily appear to them [savages] in the nature of +supernatural beings--we approach them with the might +as of a deity,' and so on, and so on. 'By the simple +exercise of our will we can exert a power for good +practically unbounded,' &c., &c. From that point he +soared and took me with him. The peroration was mag- +nificent, though difficult to remember, you know. It +gave me the notion of an exotic Immensity ruled by +an august Benevolence. It made me tingle with en- +thusiasm. This was the unbounded power of eloquence +--of words--of burning noble words. There were no +practical hints to interrupt the magic current of phrases, +unless a kind of note at the foot of the last page, +scrawled evidently much later, in an unsteady hand, +may be regarded as the exposition of a method. It +was very simple, and at the end of that moving appeal +to every altruistic sentiment it blazed at you, luminous +and terrifying, like a flash of lightning in a serene sky: +'Exterminate all the brutes!' The curious part was +that he had apparently forgotten all about that valu- +able postscriptum, because, later on, when he in a sense +came to himself, he repeatedly entreated me to take +good care of 'my pamphlet' (he called it), as it was +sure to have in the future a good influence upon his +career. I had full information about all these things, +and, besides, as it turned out, I was to have the care of +his memory. I've done enough for it to give me the +indisputable right to lay it, if I choose, for an everlast- +ing rest in the dust-bin of progress, amongst all the +sweepings and, figuratively speaking, all the dead cats +of civilization. But then, you see, I can't choose. He +won't be forgotten. Whatever he was, he was not com- +mon. He had the power to charm or frighten rudi- +mentary souls into an aggravated witch-dance in his +honor; he could also fill the small souls of the pilgrims +with bitter misgivings: he had one devoted friend at +least, and he had conquered one soul in the world that +was neither rudimentary nor tainted with self-seeking. +No; I can't forget him, though I am not prepared to +affirm the fellow was exactly worth the life we lost in +getting to him. I missed my late helmsman awfully,-- +I missed him even while his body was still lying in the +pilot-house. Perhaps you will think it passing strange +this regret for a savage who was no more account than +a grain of sand in a black Sahara. Well, don't you see, +he had done something, he had steered; for months I +had him at my back--a help--an instrument. It was +a kind of partnership. He steered for me--I had to +look after him, I worried about his deficiencies, and thus +a subtle bond had been created, of which I only became +aware when it was suddenly broken. And the intimate +profundity of that look he gave me when he received +his hurt remains to this day in my memory--like a claim +of distant kinship affirmed in a supreme moment. + +"Poor fool! If he had only left that shutter alone. +He had no restraint, no restraint--just like Kurtz--a +tree swayed by the wind. As soon as I had put on a dry +pair of slippers, I dragged him out, after first jerking +the spear out of his side, which operation I confess I +performed with my eyes shut tight. His heels leaped +together over the little door-step; his shoulders were +pressed to my breast; I hugged him from behind des- +perately. Oh! he was heavy, heavy; heavier than any +man on earth, I should imagine. Then without more +ado I tipped him overboard. The current snatched him +as though he had been a wisp of grass, and I saw the +body roll over twice before I lost sight of it for ever. +All the pilgrims and the manager were then congregated +on the awning-deck about the pilot-house, chattering at +each other like a flock of excited magpies, and there was +a scandalized murmur at my heartless promptitude. +What they wanted to keep that body hanging about for +I can't guess. Embalm it, maybe. But I had also heard +another, and a very ominous, murmur on the deck below. +My friends the wood-cutters were likewise scandalized, +and with a better show of reason--though I admit that +the reason itself was quite inadmissible. Oh, quite! I +had made up my mind that if my late helmsman was to +be eaten, the fishes alone should have him. He had +been a very second-rate helmsman while alive, but now +he was dead he might have become a first-class tempta- +tion, and possibly cause some startling trouble. Besides, +I was anxious to take the wheel, the man in pink pyjamas +showing himself a hopeless duffer at the business. + +"This I did directly the simple funeral was over. We +were going half-speed, keeping right in the middle of +the stream, and I listened to the talk about me. They +had given up Kurtz, they had given up the station; +Kurtz was dead, and the station had been burnt--and +so on--and so on. The red-haired pilgrim was beside +himself with the thought that at least this poor Kurtz +had been properly revenged. 'Say! We must have +made a glorious slaughter of them in the bush. Eh? +What do you think? Say?' He positively danced, the +bloodthirsty little gingery beggar. And he had nearly +fainted when he saw the wounded man! I could not +help saying, 'You made a glorious lot of smoke, any- +how.' I had seen, from the way the tops of the bushes +rustled and flew, that almost all the shots had gone too +high. You can't hit anything unless you take aim and +fire from the shoulder; but these chaps fired from the +hip with their eyes shut. The retreat, I maintained-- +and I was right--was caused by the screeching of the +steam-whistle. Upon this they forgot Kurtz, and began +to howl at me with indignant protests. + +"The manager stood by the wheel murmuring confi- +dentially about the necessity of getting well away down +the river before dark at all events, when I saw in the +distance a clearing on the river-side and the outlines of +some sort of building. 'What's this?' I asked. He +clapped his hands in wonder. 'The station!' he cried. +I edged in at once, still going half-speed. + +"Through my glasses I saw the slope of a hill inter- +spersed with rare trees and perfectly free from under- +growth. A long decaying building on the summit was +half buried in the high grass; the large holes in the +peaked roof gaped black from afar; the jungle and +the woods made a background. There was no inclosure +or fence of any kind; but there had been one apparently, +for near the house half-a-dozen slim posts remained in +a row, roughly trimmed, and with their upper ends orna- +mented with round carved balls. The rails, or what- +ever there had been between, had disappeared. Of +course the forest surrounded all that. The river-bank +was clear, and on the water-side I saw a white man under +a hat like a cart-wheel beckoning persistently with his +whole arm. Examining the edge of the forest above and +below, I was almost certain I could see movements-- +human forms gliding here and there. I steamed past +prudently, then stopped the engines and let her drift +down. The man on the shore began to shout, urging us +to land. 'We have been attacked,' screamed the man- +ager. 'I know--I know. It's all right,' yelled back the +other, as cheerful as you please. 'Come along. It's all +right. I am glad.' + +"His aspect reminded me of something I had seen-- +something funny I had seen somewhere. As I maneuvered +to get alongside, I was asking myself, 'What does this +fellow look like?' Suddenly I got it. He looked like a +harlequin. His clothes had been made of some stuff +that was brown holland probably, but it was covered with +patches all over, with bright patches, blue, red, and yel- +low,--patches on the back, patches on front, patches on +elbows, on knees; colored binding round his jacket, scar- +let edging at the bottom of his trousers; and the sun- +shine made him look extremely gay and wonderfully neat +withal, because you could see how beautifully all this +patching had been done. A beardless, boyish face, very +fair, no features to speak of, nose peeling, little blue +eyes, smiles and frowns chasing each other over that +open countenance like sunshine and shadow on a wind- +swept plain. 'Look out, captain!' he cried; 'there's a +snag lodged in here last night.' What! Another +snag? I confess I swore shamefully. I had nearly holed +my cripple, to finish off that charming trip. The harle- +quin on the bank turned his little pug nose up to me. +'You English?' he asked, all smiles. 'Are you?' I +shouted from the wheel. The smiles vanished, and he +shook his head as if sorry for my disappointment. Then +he brightened up. 'Never mind!' he cried encourag- +ingly. 'Are we in time?' I asked. 'He is up there,' +he replied, with a toss of the head up the hill, and +becoming gloomy all of a sudden. His face was like +the autumn sky, overcast one moment and bright the +next. + +"When the manager, escorted by the pilgrims, all of +them armed to the teeth, had gone to the house, this +chap came on board. 'I say, I don't like this. These +natives are in the bush,' I said. He assured me earnestly +it was all right. 'They are simple people,' he added; +'well, I am glad you came. It took me all my time to +keep them off.' 'But you said it was all right,' I cried. +'Oh, they meant no harm,' he said; and as I stared he +corrected himself, 'Not exactly.' Then vivaciously, +'My faith, your pilot-house wants a clean up!' In the +next breath he advised me to keep enough steam on the +boiler to blow the whistle in case of any trouble. 'One +good screech will do more for you than all your rifles. +They are simple people,' he repeated. He rattled away +at such a rate he quite overwhelmed me. He seemed to +be trying to make up for lots of silence, and actually +hinted, laughing, that such was the case. 'Don't you +talk with Mr. Kurtz?' I said. 'You don't talk with +that man--you listen to him,' he exclaimed with severe +exaltation. 'But now--' He waved his arm, and in +the twinkling of an eye was in the uttermost depths of +despondency. In a moment he came up again with a +jump, possessed himself of both my hands, shook them +continuously, while he gabbled: 'Brother sailor . . . +honor . . . pleasure . . . delight . . . introduce +myself . . . Russian . . . son of an arch-priest +. . . Government of Tambov . . . What? Tobacco! +English tobacco; the excellent English tobacco! Now, +that's brotherly. Smoke? Where's a sailor that does +not smoke?' + +"The pipe soothed him, and gradually I made out he +had run away from school, had gone to sea in a Russian +ship; ran away again; served some time in English +ships; was now reconciled with the arch-priest. He made +a point of that. 'But when one is young one must see +things, gather experience, ideas; enlarge the mind.' +'Here!' I interrupted. 'You can never tell! Here I +have met Mr. Kurtz,' he said, youthfully solemn and +reproachful. I held my tongue after that. It appears +he had persuaded a Dutch trading-house on the coast +to fit him out with stores and goods, and had started for +the interior with a light heart, and no more idea of what +would happen to him than a baby. He had been wan- +dering about that river for nearly two years alone, cut +off from everybody and everything. 'I am not so young +as I look. I am twenty-five,' he said. 'At first old Van +Shuyten would tell me to go to the devil,' he narrated +with keen enjoyment; 'but I stuck to him, and talked +and talked, till at last he got afraid I would talk the +hind-leg off his favorite dog, so he gave me some cheap +things and a few guns, and told me he hoped he would +never see my face again. Good old Dutchman, Van +Shuyten. I've sent him one small lot of ivory a year +ago, so that he can't call me a little thief when I get +back. I hope he got it. And for the rest I don't care. +I had some wood stacked for you. That was my old +house. Did you see?' + +"I gave him Towson's book. He made as though he +would kiss me, but restrained himself. 'The only book +I had left, and I thought I had lost it,' he said, looking +at it ecstatically. 'So many accidents happen to a man +going about alone, you know. Canoes get upset some- +times--and sometimes you've got to clear out so quick +when the people get angry.' He thumbed the pages. +'You made notes in Russian?' I asked. He nodded. +'I thought they were written in cipher,' I said. He +laughed, then became serious. 'I had lots of trouble +to keep these people off,' he said. 'Did they want to +kill you?' I asked. 'Oh no!' he cried, and checked him- +self. 'Why did they attack us?' I pursued. He hesi- +tated, then said shamefacedly, 'They don't want him to +go.' 'Don't they?' I said, curiously. He nodded a +nod full of mystery and wisdom. 'I tell you,' he cried, +'this man has enlarged my mind.' He opened his arms +wide, staring at me with his little blue eyes that were +perfectly round." + + + + +III + + +"I looked at him, lost in astonishment. There he +was before me, in motley, as though he had absconded +from a troupe of mimes, enthusiastic, fabulous. His +very existence was improbable, inexplicable, and alto- +gether bewildering. He was an insoluble problem. It +was inconceivable how he had existed, how he had suc- +ceeded in getting so far, how he had managed to remain +--why he did not instantly disappear. 'I went a little +farther,' he said, 'then still a little farther--till I had +gone so far that I don't know how I'll ever get back. +Never mind. Plenty time. I can manage. You take +Kurtz away quick--quick--I tell you.' The glamour of +youth enveloped his particolored rags, his destitution, his +loneliness, the essential desolation of his futile wander- +ings. For months--for years--his life hadn't been +worth a day's purchase; and there he was gallantly, +thoughtlessly alive, to all appearance indestructible solely +by the virtue of his few years and of his unreflecting +audacity. I was seduced into something like admiration +--like envy. Glamour urged him on, glamour kept him +unscathed. He surely wanted nothing from the wilder- +ness but space to breathe in and to push on through. +His need was to exist, and to move onwards at the great- +est possible risk, and with a maximum of privation. If +the absolutely pure, uncalculating, unpractical spirit of +adventure had ever ruled a human being, it ruled this +be-patched youth. I almost envied him the possession +of this modest and clear flame. It seemed to have con- +sumed all thought of self so completely, that, even while +he was talking to you, you forgot that it was he--the +man before your eyes--who had gone through these +things. I did not envy him his devotion to Kurtz, +though. He had not meditated over it. It came to him, +and he accepted it with a sort of eager fatalism. I must +say that to me it appeared about the most dangerous +thing in every way he had come upon so far. + +"They had come together unavoidably, like two ships +becalmed near each other, and lay rubbing sides at last. +I suppose Kurtz wanted an audience, because on a cer- +tain occasion, when encamped in the forest, they had +talked all night, or more probably Kurtz had talked. +'We talked of everything,' he said, quite transported +at the recollection. 'I forgot there was such a thing +as sleep. The night did not seem to last an hour. Every- +thing! Everything! . . . Of love too.' 'Ah, he +talked to you of love!' I said, much amused. 'It isn't +what you think,' he cried, almost passionately. 'It was +in general. He made me see things--things.' + +"He threw his arms up. We were on deck at the time, +and the headman of my wood-cutters, lounging near by, +turned upon him his heavy and glittering eyes. I looked +around, and I don't know why, but I assure you that +never, never before, did this land, this river, this jungle, +the very arch of this blazing sky, appear to me so hope- +less and so dark, so impenetrable to human thought, so +pitiless to human weakness. 'And, ever since, you have +been with him, of course?' I said. + +"On the contrary. It appears their intercourse had +been very much broken by various causes. He had, as +he informed me proudly, managed to nurse Kurtz +through two illnesses (he alluded to it as you would to +some risky feat), but as a rule Kurtz wandered alone, +far in the depths of the forest. 'Very often coming to +this station, I had to wait days and days before he would +turn up,' he said. 'Ah, it was worth waiting for!-- +sometimes.' 'What was he doing? exploring or what?' +I asked. 'Oh yes, of course;' he had discovered lots of +villages, a lake too--he did not know exactly in what +direction; it was dangerous to inquire too much--but +mostly his expeditions had been for ivory. 'But he had +no goods to trade with by that time,' I objected. 'There's +a good lot of cartridges left even yet,' he answered, look- +ing away. 'To speak plainly, he raided the country,' +I said. He nodded. 'Not alone, surely!' He muttered +something about the villages round that lake. 'Kurtz +got the tribe to follow him, did he?' I suggested. He +fidgeted a little. 'They adored him,' he said. The tone +of these words was so extraordinary that I looked at +him searchingly. It was curious to see his mingled eager- +ness and reluctance to speak of Kurtz. The man filled +his life, occupied his thoughts, swayed his emotions. +'What can you expect?' he burst out; 'he came to them +with thunder and lightning, you know--and they had +never seen anything like it--and very terrible. He could +be very terrible. You can't judge Mr. Kurtz as you +would an ordinary man. No, no, no! Now--just to +give you an idea--I don't mind telling you, he wanted +to shoot me too one day--but I don't judge him.' +'Shoot you!' I cried. 'What for?' 'Well, I had a +small lot of ivory the chief of that village near my house +gave me. You see I used to shoot game for them. Well, +he wanted it, and wouldn't hear reason. He declared +he would shoot me unless I gave him the ivory and then +cleared out of the country, because he could do so, and +had a fancy for it, and there was nothing on earth to +prevent him killing whom he jolly well pleased. And it +was true too. I gave him the ivory. What did I care! +But I didn't clear out. No, no. I couldn't leave him. +I had to be careful, of course, till we got friendly again +for a time. He had his second illness then. Afterwards +I had to keep out of the way; but I didn't mind. He +was living for the most part in those villages on the +lake. When he came down to the river, sometimes he +would take to me, and sometimes it was better for me +to be careful. This man suffered too much. He hated +all this, and somehow he couldn't get away. When I had +a chance I begged him to try and leave while there was +time; I offered to go back with him. And he would +say yes, and then he would remain; go off on another +ivory hunt; disappear for weeks; forget himself amongst +these people--forget himself--you know.' 'Why! he's +mad,' I said. He protested indignantly. Mr. Kurtz +couldn't be mad. If I had heard him talk, only two +days ago, I wouldn't dare hint at such a thing. . . . +I had taken up my binoculars while we talked and +was looking at the shore, sweeping the limit of the +forest at each side and at the back of the house. The +consciousness of there being people in that bush, so silent, +so quiet--as silent and quiet as the ruined house on the +hill--made me uneasy. There was no sign on the face +of nature of this amazing tale that was not so much +told as suggested to me in desolate exclamations, com- +pleted by shrugs, in interrupted phrases, in hints ending +in deep sighs. The woods were unmoved, like a mask-- +heavy, like the closed door of a prison--they looked with +their air of hidden knowledge, of patient expectation, +of unapproachable silence. The Russian was explaining +to me that it was only lately that Mr. Kurtz had come +down to the river, bringing along with him all the fight- +ing men of that lake tribe. He had been absent for +several months--getting himself adored, I suppose--and +had come down unexpectedly, with the intention to all +appearance of making a raid either across the river or +down stream. Evidently the appetite for more ivory +had got the better of the--what shall I say?--less ma- +terial aspirations. However he had got much worse +suddenly. 'I heard he was lying helpless, and so I came +up--took my chance,' said the Russian. 'Oh, he is +bad, very bad.' I directed my glass to the house. There +were no signs of life, but there was the ruined roof, +the long mud wall peeping above the grass, with three +little square window-holes, no two of the same size; all +this brought within reach of my hand, as it were. And +then I made a brusque movement, and one of the remain- +ing posts of that vanished fence leaped up in the field +of my glass. You remember I told you I had been +struck at the distance by certain attempts at ornamenta- +tion, rather remarkable in the ruinous aspect of the place. +Now I had suddenly a nearer view, and its first result +was to make me throw my head back as if before a blow. +Then I went carefully from post to post with my glass, +and I saw my mistake. These round knobs were not +ornamental but symbolic; they were expressive and +puzzling, striking and disturbing--food for thought and +also for the vultures if there had been any looking down +from the sky; but at all events for such ants as were +industrious enough to ascend the pole. They would +have been even more impressive, those heads on the +stakes, if their faces had not been turned to the house. +Only one, the first I had made out, was facing my way. +I was not so shocked as you may think. The start back +I had given was really nothing but a movement of sur- +prise. I had expected to see a knob of wood there, you +know. I returned deliberately to the first I had seen-- +and there it was, black, dried, sunken, with closed eye- +lids,--a head that seemed to sleep at the top of that pole, +and, with the shrunken dry lips showing a narrow white +line of the teeth, was smiling too, smiling continuously +at some endless and jocose dream of that eternal slumber. + +"I am not disclosing any trade secrets. In fact the +manager said afterwards that Mr. Kurtz's methods had +ruined the district. I have no opinion on that point, +but I want you clearly to understand that there was +nothing exactly profitable in these heads being there. +They only showed that Mr. Kurtz lacked restraint in the +gratification of his various lusts, that there was some- +thing wanting in him--some small matter which, when +the pressing need arose, could not be found under his +magnificent eloquence. Whether he knew of this de- +ficiency himself I can't say. I think the knowledge came +to him at last--only at the very last. But the wilder- +ness had found him out early, and had taken on him +a terrible vengeance for the fantastic invasion. I think +it had whispered to him things about himself which he +did not know, things of which he had no conception till +he took counsel with this great solitude--and the whisper +had proved irresistibly fascinating. It echoed loudly +within him because he was hollow at the core. . . . I +put down the glass, and the head that had appeared +near enough to be spoken to seemed at once to have +leaped away from me into inaccessible distance. + +"The admirer of Mr. Kurtz was a bit crestfallen. In +a hurried, indistinct voice he began to assure me he had +not dared to take these--say, symbols--down. He was +not afraid of the natives; they would not stir till Mr. +Kurtz gave the word. His ascendency was extraor- +dinary. The camps of these people surrounded the +place, and the chiefs came every day to see him. They +would crawl. . . . 'I don't want to know anything of +the ceremonies used when approaching Mr. Kurtz,' I +shouted. Curious, this feeling that came over me that +such details would be more intolerable than those heads +drying on the stakes under Mr. Kurtz's windows. After +all, that was only a savage sight, while I seemed at one +bound to have been transported into some lightless +region of subtle horrors, where pure, uncomplicated +savagery was a positive relief, being something that had +a right to exist--obviously--in the sunshine. The +young man looked at me with surprise. I suppose it +did not occur to him Mr. Kurtz was no idol of mine. +He forgot I hadn't heard any of these splendid mono- +logues on, what was it? on love, justice, conduct of life +--or what not. If it had come to crawling before Mr. +Kurtz, he crawled as much as the veriest savage of them +all. I had no idea of the conditions, he said: these heads +were the heads of rebels. I shocked him excessively by +laughing. Rebels! What would be the next definition +I was to hear? There had been enemies, criminals, work- +ers--and these were rebels. Those rebellious heads looked +very subdued to me on their sticks. 'You don't know how +such a life tries a man like Kurtz,' cried Kurtz's last +disciple. 'Well, and you?' I said. 'I! I! I am a +simple man. I have no great thoughts. I want nothing +from anybody. How can you compare me to . . .?' +His feelings were too much for speech, and suddenly he +broke down. 'I don't understand,' he groaned. 'I've +been doing my best to keep him alive, and that's enough. +I had no hand in all this. I have no abilities. There +hasn't been a drop of medicine or a mouthful of invalid +food for months here. He was shamefully abandoned. +A man like this, with such ideas. Shamefully! +Shamefully! I--I--haven't slept for the last ten +nights. . . .' + +"His voice lost itself in the calm of the evening. The +long shadows of the forest had slipped down hill while +we talked, had gone far beyond the ruined hovel, be- +yond the symbolic row of stakes. All this was in the +gloom, while we down there were yet in the sunshine, +and the stretch of the river abreast of the clearing +glittered in a still and dazzling splendor, with a murky +and over-shadowed bend above and below. Not a living +soul was seen on the shore. The bushes did not rustle. + +"Suddenly round the corner of the house a group of +men appeared, as though they had come up from the +ground. They waded waist-deep in the grass, in a +compact body, bearing an improvised stretcher in their +midst. Instantly, in the emptiness of the landscape, a +cry arose whose shrillness pierced the still air like a sharp +arrow flying straight to the very heart of the land; and, +as if by enchantment, streams of human beings--of +naked human beings--with spears in their hands, with +bows, with shields, with wild glances and savage move- +ments, were poured into the clearing by the dark-faced +and pensive forest. The bushes shook, the grass swayed +for a time, and then everything stood still in attentive +immobility. + +"'Now, if he does not say the right thing to them we +are all done for,' said the Russian at my elbow. The +knot of men with the stretcher had stopped too, half-way +to the steamer, as if petrified. I saw the man on the +stretcher sit up, lank and with an uplifted arm, above +the shoulders of the bearers. 'Let us hope that the +man who can talk so well of love in general will find +some particular reason to spare us this time,' I said. I +resented bitterly the absurd danger of our situation, as +if to be at the mercy of that atrocious phantom had +been a dishonoring necessity. I could not hear a sound, +but through my glasses I saw the thin arm extended +commandingly, the lower jaw moving, the eyes of that +apparition shining darkly far in its bony head that +nodded with grotesque jerks. Kurtz--Kurtz--that +means short in German--don't it? Well, the name was +as true as everything else in his life--and death. He +looked at least seven feet long. His covering had fallen +off, and his body emerged from it pitiful and appalling +as from a winding-sheet. I could see the cage of his +ribs all astir, the bones of his arm waving. It was as +though an animated image of death carved out of old +ivory had been shaking its hand with menaces at a +motionless crowd of men made of dark and glittering +bronze. I saw him open his mouth wide--it gave him +a weirdly voracious aspect, as though he had wanted to +swallow all the air, all the earth, all the men before him. +A deep voice reached me faintly. He must have been +shouting. He fell back suddenly. The stretcher shook +as the bearers staggered forward again, and almost at +the same time I noticed that the crowd of savages was +vanishing without any perceptible movement of retreat, +as if the forest that had ejected these beings so suddenly +had drawn them in again as the breath is drawn in a +long aspiration. + +"Some of the pilgrims behind the stretcher carried his +arms--two shot-guns, a heavy rifle, and a light revolver- +carbine--the thunderbolts of that pitiful Jupiter. The +manager bent over him murmuring as he walked beside +his head. They laid him down in one of the little cabins +--just a room for a bed-place and a camp-stool or two, +you know. We had brought his belated correspondence, +and a lot of torn envelopes and open letters littered his +bed. His hand roamed feebly amongst these papers. I +was struck by the fire of his eyes and the composed +languor of his expression. It was not so much the ex- +haustion of disease. He did not seem in pain. This +shadow looked satiated and calm, as though for the +moment it had had its fill of all the emotions. + +"He rustled one of the letters, and looking straight +in my face said, 'I am glad.' Somebody had been writ- +ing to him about me. These special recommendations +were turning up again. The volume of tone he emitted +without effort, almost without the trouble of moving his +lips, amazed me. A voice! a voice! It was grave, pro- +found, vibrating, while the man did not seem capable +of a whisper. However, he had enough strength in +him--factitious no doubt--to very nearly make an end +of us, as you shall hear directly. + +"The manager appeared silently in the doorway; I +stepped out at once and he drew the curtain after me. +The Russian, eyed curiously by the pilgrims, was star- +ing at the shore. I followed the direction of his glance. + +"Dark human shapes could be made out in the distance, +flitting indistinctly against the gloomy border of the +forest, and near the river two bronze figures, leaning +on tall spears, stood in the sunlight under fantastic head- +dresses of spotted skins, warlike and still in statuesque +repose. And from right to left along the lighted shore +moved a wild and gorgeous apparition of a woman. + +"She walked with measured steps, draped in striped +and fringed cloths, treading the earth proudly, with a +slight jingle and flash of barbarous ornaments. She +carried her head high; her hair was done in the shape +of a helmet; she had brass leggings to the knee, brass +wire gauntlets to the elbow, a crimson spot on her tawny +cheek, innumerable necklaces of glass beads on her neck; +bizarre things, charms, gifts of witch-men, that hung +about her, glittered and trembled at every step. She +must have had the value of several elephant tusks upon +her. She was savage and superb, wild-eyed and magnifi- +cent; there was something ominous and stately in her +deliberate progress. And in the hush that had fallen +suddenly upon the whole sorrowful land, the immense +wilderness, the colossal body of the fecund and mys- +terious life seemed to look at her, pensive, as though it +had been looking at the image of its own tenebrous and +passionate soul. + +"She came abreast of the steamer, stood still, and faced +us. Her long shadow fell to the water's edge. Her face +had a tragic and fierce aspect of wild sorrow and of +dumb pain mingled with the fear of some struggling, +half-shaped resolve. She stood looking at us without +a stir and like the wilderness itself, with an air of brood- +ing over an inscrutable purpose. A whole minute passed, +and then she made a step forward. There was a low +jingle, a glint of yellow metal, a sway of fringed draper- +ies, and she stopped as if her heart had failed her. The +young fellow by my side growled. The pilgrims mur- +mured at my back. She looked at us all as if her life +had depended upon the unswerving steadiness of her +glance. Suddenly she opened her bared arms and threw +them up rigid above her head, as though in an uncon- +trollable desire to touch the sky, and at the same time +the swift shadows darted out on the earth, swept around +on the river, gathering the steamer into a shadowy em- +brace. A formidable silence hung over the scene. + +"She turned away slowly, walked on, following the +bank, and passed into the bushes to the left. Once only +her eyes gleamed back at us in the dusk of the thickets +before she disappeared. + +"'If she had offered to come aboard I really think I +would have tried to shoot her,' said the man of patches, +nervously. 'I had been risking my life every day for +the last fortnight to keep her out of the house. She +got in one day and kicked up a row about those miser- +able rags I picked up in the storeroom to mend my clothes +with. I wasn't decent. At least it must have been that, +for she talked like a fury to Kurtz for an hour, point- +ing at me now and then. I don't understand the dia- +lect of this tribe. Luckily for me, I fancy Kurtz felt +too ill that day to care, or there would have been mis- +chief. I don't understand. . . . No--it's too much +for me. Ah, well, it's all over now.' + +"At this moment I heard Kurtz's deep voice behind +the curtain, 'Save me!--save the ivory, you mean. Don't +tell me. Save ME! Why, I've had to save you. You +are interrupting my plans now. Sick! Sick! Not so +sick as you would like to believe. Never mind. I'll +carry my ideas out yet--I will return. I'll show you +what can be done. You with your little peddling no- +tions--you are interfering with me. I will return. +I . . .' + +"The manager came out. He did me the honor to +take me under the arm and lead me aside. 'He is very +low, very low,' he said. He considered it necessary to +sigh, but neglected to be consistently sorrowful. 'We +have done all we could for him--haven't we? But there +is no disguising the fact, Mr. Kurtz has done more +harm than good to the Company. He did not see the +time was not ripe for vigorous action. Cautiously, cau- +tiously--that's my principle. We must be cautious yet. +The district is closed to us for a time. Deplorable! Upon +the whole, the trade will suffer. I don't deny there is +a remarkable quantity of ivory--mostly fossil. We must +save it, at all events--but look how precarious the posi- +tion is--and why? Because the method is unsound.' +'Do you,' said I, looking at the shore, 'call it "unsound +method"?' 'Without doubt,' he exclaimed, hotly. +'Don't you?' . . . 'No method at all,' I murmured +after a while. 'Exactly,' he exulted. 'I anticipated +this. Shows a complete want of judgment. It is my +duty to point it out in the proper quarter.' 'Oh,' said +I, 'that fellow--what's his name?--the brickmaker, will +make a readable report for you.' He appeared con- +founded for a moment. It seemed to me I had never +breathed an atmosphere so vile, and I turned mentally +to Kurtz for relief--positively for relief. 'Neverthe- +less I think Mr. Kurtz is a remarkable man,' I said with +emphasis. He started, dropped on me a cold heavy +glance, said very quietly, 'He WAS,' and turned his back +on me. My hour of favor was over; I found myself +lumped along with Kurtz as a partisan of methods for +which the time was not ripe: I was unsound! Ah! but it +was something to have at least a choice of nightmares. + +"I had turned to the wilderness really, not to Mr. +Kurtz, who, I was ready to admit, was as good as buried. +And for a moment it seemed to me as if I also were +buried in a vast grave full of unspeakable secrets. I +felt an intolerable weight oppressing my breast, the +smell of the damp earth, the unseen presence of victorious +corruption, the darkness of an impenetrable night. . . . +The Russian tapped me on the shoulder. I heard him +mumbling and stammering something about 'brother +seaman--couldn't conceal--knowledge of matters that +would affect Mr. Kurtz's reputation.' I waited. For +him evidently Mr. Kurtz was not in his grave; I suspect +that for him Mr. Kurtz was one of the immortals. +'Well!' said I at last, 'speak out. As it happens, I am +Mr. Kurtz's friend--in a way.' + +"He stated with a good deal of formality that had +we not been 'of the same profession,' he would have +kept the matter to himself without regard to conse- +quences. 'He suspected there was an active ill-will to- +wards him on the part of these white men that--' +'You are right,' I said, remembering a certain conversa- +tion I had overheard. 'The manager thinks you ought +to be hanged.' He showed a concern at this intelligence +which amused me at first. 'I had better get out of the +way quietly,' he said, earnestly. 'I can do no more for +Kurtz now, and they would soon find some excuse. +What's to stop them? There's a military post three hun- +dred miles from here.' 'Well, upon my word,' said I, +'perhaps you had better go if you have any friends +amongst the savages near by.' 'Plenty,' he said. 'They +are simple people--and I want nothing, you know.' +He stood biting his lips, then: 'I don't want any harm to +happen to these whites here, but of course I was think- +ing of Mr. Kurtz's reputation--but you are a brother +seaman and--' 'All right,' said I, after a time. +'Mr. Kurtz's reputation is safe with me.' I did not +know how truly I spoke. + +"He informed me, lowering his voice, that it was +Kurtz who had ordered the attack to be made on the +steamer. 'He hated sometimes the idea of being taken +away--and then again. . . . But I don't understand +these matters. I am a simple man. He thought it would +scare you away--that you would give it up, thinking +him dead. I could not stop him. Oh, I had an awful +time of it this last month.' 'Very well,' I said. 'He is +all right now.' 'Ye-e-es,' he muttered, not very con- +vinced apparently. 'Thanks,' said I; 'I shall keep my +eyes open.' 'But quiet--eh?' he urged, anxiously. 'It +would be awful for his reputation if anybody here--' +I promised a complete discretion with great gravity. 'I +have a canoe and three black fellows waiting not very +far. I am off. Could you give me a few Martini-Henry +cartridges?' I could, and did, with proper secrecy. He +helped himself, with a wink at me, to a handful of my +tobacco. 'Between sailors--you know--good English +tobacco.' At the door of the pilot-house he turned round +--'I say, haven't you a pair of shoes you could spare?' +He raised one leg. 'Look.' The soles were tied with +knotted strings sandal-wise under his bare feet. I rooted +out an old pair, at which he looked with admiration be- +fore tucking it under his left arm. One of his pockets +(bright red) was bulging with cartridges, from the +other (dark blue) peeped 'Towson's Inquiry,' &c., &c. +He seemed to think himself excellently well equipped +for a renewed encounter with the wilderness. 'Ah! I'll +never, never meet such a man again. You ought to +have heard him recite poetry--his own too it was, he told +me. Poetry!' He rolled his eyes at the recollection +of these delights. 'Oh, he enlarged my mind!' 'Good- +by,' said I. He shook hands and vanished in the night. +Sometimes I ask myself whether I had ever really seen +him--whether it was possible to meet such a phenome- +non! . . . + +"When I woke up shortly after midnight his warning +came to my mind with its hint of danger that seemed, +in the starred darkness, real enough to make me get +up for the purpose of having a look round. On the +hill a big fire burned, illuminating fitfully a crooked +corner of the station-house. One of the agents with +a picket of a few of our blacks, armed for the purpose, +was keeping guard over the ivory; but deep within the +forest, red gleams that wavered, that seemed to sink and +rise from the ground amongst confused columnar shapes +of intense blackness, showed the exact position of the +camp where Mr. Kurtz's adorers were keeping their un- +easy vigil. The monotonous beating of a big drum filled +the air with muffled shocks and a lingering vibration. A +steady droning sound of many men chanting each to +himself some weird incantation came out from the black, +flat wall of the woods as the humming of bees comes +out of a hive, and had a strange narcotic effect upon +my half-awake senses. I believe I dozed off leaning +over the rail, till an abrupt burst of yells, an over- +whelming outbreak of a pent-up and mysterious frenzy, +woke me up in a bewildered wonder. It was cut short +all at once, and the low droning went on with an effect +of audible and soothing silence. I glanced casually into +the little cabin. A light was burning within, but Mr. +Kurtz was not there. + +"I think I would have raised an outcry if I had be- +lieved my eyes. But I didn't believe them at first--the +thing seemed so impossible. The fact is I was completely +unnerved by a sheer blank fright, pure abstract terror, +unconnected with any distinct shape of physical danger. +What made this emotion so overpowering was--how shall +I define it?--the moral shock I received, as if something +altogether monstrous, intolerable to thought and odious +to the soul, had been thrust upon me unexpectedly. This +lasted of course the merest fraction of a second, and +then the usual sense of commonplace, deadly danger, the +possibility of a sudden onslaught and massacre, or some- +thing of the kind, which I saw impending, was positively +welcome and composing. It pacified me, in fact, so +much, that I did not raise an alarm. + +"There was an agent buttoned up inside an ulster +and sleeping on a chair on deck within three feet of +me. The yells had not awakened him; he snored very +slightly; I left him to his slumbers and leaped ashore. +I did not betray Mr. Kurtz--it was ordered I should +never betray him--it was written I should be loyal to +the nightmare of my choice. I was anxious to deal +with this shadow by myself alone,--and to this day I +don't know why I was so jealous of sharing with any- +one the peculiar blackness of that experience. + +"As soon as I got on the bank I saw a trail--a broad +trail through the grass. I remember the exultation with +which I said to myself, 'He can't walk--he is crawling +on all-fours--I've got him.' The grass was wet with +dew. I strode rapidly with clenched fists. I fancy I +had some vague notion of falling upon him and giving +him a drubbing. I don't know. I had some imbecile +thoughts. The knitting old woman with the cat ob- +truded herself upon my memory as a most improper +person to be sitting at the other end of such an affair. +I saw a row of pilgrims squirting lead in the air out +of Winchesters held to the hip. I thought I would +never get back to the steamer, and imagined myself +living alone and unarmed in the woods to an advanced +age. Such silly things--you know. And I remember +I confounded the beat of the drum with the beating of +my heart, and was pleased at its calm regularity. + +"I kept to the track though--then stopped to listen. +The night was very clear: a dark blue space, sparkling +with dew and starlight, in which black things stood +very still. I thought I could see a kind of motion ahead +of me. I was strangely cocksure of everything that +night. I actually left the track and ran in a wide semi- +circle (I verily believe chuckling to myself) so as to +get in front of that stir, of that motion I had seen-- +if indeed I had seen anything. I was circumventing +Kurtz as though it had been a boyish game. + +"I came upon him, and, if he had not heard me coming, +I would have fallen over him too, but he got up in +time. He rose, unsteady, long, pale, indistinct, like a +vapor exhaled by the earth, and swayed slightly, misty +and silent before me; while at my back the fires loomed +between the trees, and the murmur of many voices issued +from the forest. I had cut him off cleverly; but when +actually confronting him I seemed to come to my senses, +I saw the danger in its right proportion. It was by +no means over yet. Suppose he began to shout? Though +he could hardly stand, there was still plenty of vigor +in his voice. 'Go away--hide yourself,' he said, in that +profound tone. It was very awful. I glanced back. +We were within thirty yards from the nearest fire. A +black figure stood up, strode on long black legs, waving +long black arms, across the glow. It had horns--ante- +lope horns, I think--on its head. Some sorcerer, some +witch-man, no doubt: it looked fiend-like enough. 'Do +you know what you are doing?' I whispered. 'Per- +fectly,' he answered, raising his voice for that single +word: it sounded to me far off and yet loud, like a hail +through a speaking-trumpet. 'If he makes a row we +are lost,' I thought to myself. This clearly was not a +case for fisticuffs, even apart from the very natural +aversion I had to beat that Shadow--this wandering and +tormented thing. 'You will be lost,' I said--'utterly +lost.' One gets sometimes such a flash of inspiration, +you know. I did say the right thing, though indeed +he could not have been more irretrievably lost than he +was at this very moment, when the foundations of our +intimacy were being laid--to endure--to endure--even +to the end--even beyond. + +"'I had immense plans,' he muttered irresolutely. +'Yes,' said I; 'but if you try to shout I'll smash your +head with--' There was not a stick or a stone near. 'I +will throttle you for good,' I corrected myself. 'I was +on the threshold of great things,' he pleaded, in a voice +of longing, with a wistfulness of tone that made my +blood run cold. 'And now for this stupid scoundrel--' +'Your success in Europe is assured in any case,' I af- +firmed, steadily. I did not want to have the throttling +of him, you understand--and indeed it would have been +very little use for any practical purpose. I tried to +break the spell--the heavy, mute spell of the wilder- +ness--that seemed to draw him to its pitiless breast by +the awakening of forgotten and brutal instincts, by the +memory of gratified and monstrous passions. This alone, +I was convinced, had driven him out to the edge of the +forest, to the bush, towards the gleam of fires, the throb +of drums, the drone of weird incantations; this alone +had beguiled his unlawful soul beyond the bounds of +permitted aspirations. And, don't you see, the terror +of the position was not in being knocked on the head +--though I had a very lively sense of that danger too +--but in this, that I had to deal with a being to whom +I could not appeal in the name of anything high or low. +I had, even like the niggers, to invoke him--himself-- +his own exalted and incredible degradation. There was +nothing either above or below him, and I knew it. He +had kicked himself loose of the earth. Confound the +man! he had kicked the very earth to pieces. He was +alone, and I before him did not know whether I stood +on the ground or floated in the air. I've been telling +you what we said--repeating the phrases we pronounced, +--but what's the good? They were common everyday +words,--the familiar, vague sounds exchanged on every +waking day of life. But what of that? They had be- +hind them, to my mind, the terrific suggestiveness of +words heard in dreams, of phrases spoken in night- +mares. Soul! If anybody had ever struggled with a +soul, I am the man. And I wasn't arguing with a luna- +tic either. Believe me or not, his intelligence was per- +fectly clear--concentrated, it is true, upon himself with +horrible intensity, yet clear; and therein was my only +chance--barring, of course, the killing him there and +then, which wasn't so good, on account of unavoidable +noise. But his soul was mad. Being alone in the wilder- +ness, it had looked within itself, and, by heavens! I tell +you, it had gone mad. I had--for my sins, I suppose-- +to go through the ordeal of looking into it myself. No +eloquence could have been so withering to one's belief +in mankind as his final burst of sincerity. He struggled +with himself, too. I saw it,--I heard it. I saw the in- +conceivable mystery of a soul that knew no restraint, no +faith, and no fear, yet struggling blindly with itself. I +kept my head pretty well; but when I had him at last +stretched on the couch, I wiped my forehead, while my +legs shook under me as though I had carried half a +ton on my back down that hill. And yet I had only +supported him, his bony arm clasped round my neck +--and he was not much heavier than a child. + +"When next day we left at noon, the crowd, of whose +presence behind the curtain of trees I had been acutely +conscious all the time, flowed out of the woods again, +filled the clearing, covered the slope with a mass of naked, +breathing, quivering, bronze bodies. I steamed up a +bit, then swung down-stream, and two thousand eyes +followed the evolutions of the splashing, thumping, +fierce river-demon beating the water with its terrible tail +and breathing black smoke into the air. In front of +the first rank, along the river, three men, plastered with +bright red earth from head to foot, strutted to and fro +restlessly. When we came abreast again, they faced the +river, stamped their feet, nodded their horned heads, +swayed their scarlet bodies; they shook towards the fierce +river-demon a bunch of black feathers, a mangy skin +with a pendent tail--something that looked like a dried +gourd; they shouted periodically together strings of +amazing words that resembled no sounds of human lan- +guage; and the deep murmurs of the crowd, inter- +rupted suddenly, were like the response of some satanic +litany. + +"We had carried Kurtz into the pilot-house: there was +more air there. Lying on the couch, he stared through +the open shutter. There was an eddy in the mass of +human bodies, and the woman with helmeted head and +tawny cheeks rushed out to the very brink of the stream. +She put out her hands, shouted something, and all that +wild mob took up the shout in a roaring chorus of +articulated, rapid, breathless utterance. + +"'Do you understand this?' I asked. + +"He kept on looking out past me with fiery, longing +eyes, with a mingled expression of wistfulness and hate. +He made no answer, but I saw a smile, a smile of inde- +finable meaning, appear on his colorless lips that a mo- +ment after twitched convulsively. 'Do I not?' he said +slowly, gasping, as if the words had been torn out of +him by a supernatural power. + +"I pulled the string of the whistle, and I did this +because I saw the pilgrims on deck getting out their +rifles with an air of anticipating a jolly lark. At the +sudden screech there was a movement of abject terror +through that wedged mass of bodies. 'Don't! Don't +you frighten them away,' cried someone on deck dis- +consolately. I pulled the string time after time. They +broke and ran, they leaped, they crouched, they swerved, +they dodged the flying terror of the sound. The three +red chaps had fallen flat, face down on the shore, as +though they had been shot dead. Only the barbarous +and superb woman did not so much as flinch, and +stretched tragically her bare arms after us over the +somber and glittering river. + +"And then that imbecile crowd down on the deck +started their little fun, and I could see nothing more +for smoke. + +"The brown current ran swiftly out of the heart of +darkness, bearing us down towards the sea with twice +the speed of our upward progress; and Kurtz's life was +running swiftly too, ebbing, ebbing out of his heart +into the sea of inexorable time. The manager was very +placid, he had no vital anxieties now, he took us both +in with a comprehensive and satisfied glance: the 'affair' +had come off as well as could be wished. I saw the time +approaching when I would be left alone of the party of +'unsound method.' The pilgrims looked upon me with +disfavor. I was, so to speak, numbered with the dead. +It is strange how I accepted this unforeseen partner- +ship, this choice of nightmares forced upon me in the +tenebrous land invaded by these mean and greedy phan- +toms. + +"Kurtz discoursed. A voice! a voice! It rang deep +to the very last. It survived his strength to hide in +the magnificent folds of eloquence the barren darkness +of his heart. Oh, he struggled! he struggled! The +wastes of his weary brain were haunted by shadowy +images now--images of wealth and fame revolving +obsequiously round his unextinguishable gift of noble +and lofty expression. My Intended, my station, my +career, my ideas--these were the subjects for the occa- +sional utterances of elevated sentiments. The shade of +the original Kurtz frequented the bedside of the hollow +sham, whose fate it was to be buried presently in the +mold of primeval earth. But both the diabolic love and +the unearthly hate of the mysteries it had penetrated +fought for the possession of that soul satiated with +primitive emotions, avid of lying fame, of sham dis- +tinction, of all the appearances of success and power. + +"Sometimes he was contemptibly childish. He desired +to have kings meet him at railway-stations on his return +from some ghastly Nowhere, where he intended to ac- +complish great things. 'You show them you have in +you something that is really profitable, and then there +will be no limits to the recognition of your ability,' he +would say. 'Of course you must take care of the mo- +tives--right motives--always.' The long reaches that +were like one and the same reach, monotonous bends that +were exactly alike, slipped past the steamer with their +multitude of secular trees looking patiently after this +grimy fragment of another world, the forerunner of +change, of conquest, of trade, of massacres, of blessings. +I looked ahead--piloting. 'Close the shutter,' said +Kurtz suddenly one day; 'I can't bear to look at this.' +I did so. There was a silence. 'Oh, but I will wring +your heart yet!' he cried at the invisible wilderness. + +"We broke down--as I had expected--and had to lie +up for repairs at the head of an island. This delay +was the first thing that shook Kurtz's confidence. One +morning he gave me a packet of papers and a photo- +graph,--the lot tied together with a shoe-string. 'Keep +this for me,' he said. 'This noxious fool' (meaning +the manager) 'is capable of prying into my boxes when +I am not looking.' In the afternoon I saw him. He +was lying on his back with closed eyes, and I withdrew +quietly, but I heard him mutter, 'Live rightly, die, +die . . .' I listened. There was nothing more. Was +he rehearsing some speech in his sleep, or was it a frag- +ment of a phrase from some newspaper article? He had +been writing for the papers and meant to do so again, +'for the furthering of my ideas. It's a duty.' + +"His was an impenetrable darkness. I looked at him +as you peer down at a man who is lying at the bottom +of a precipice where the sun never shines. But I had +not much time to give him, because I was helping the +engine-driver to take to pieces the leaky cylinders, to +straighten a bent connecting-rod, and in other such +matters. I lived in an infernal mess of rust, filings, +nuts, bolts, spanners, hammers, ratchet-drills--things I +abominate, because I don't get on with them. I tended +the little forge we fortunately had aboard; I toiled +wearily in a wretched scrap-heap--unless I had the +shakes too bad to stand. + +"One evening coming in with a candle I was startled +to hear him say a little tremulously, 'I am lying here +in the dark waiting for death.' The light was within +a foot of his eyes. I forced myself to murmur, 'Oh, +nonsense!' and stood over him as if transfixed. + +"Anything approaching the change that came over +his features I have never seen before, and hope never +to see again. Oh, I wasn't touched. I was fascinated. +It was as though a veil had been rent. I saw on that +ivory face the expression of somber pride, of ruthless +power, of craven terror--of an intense and hopeless +despair. Did he live his life again in every detail of +desire, temptation, and surrender during that supreme +moment of complete knowledge? He cried in a whisper +at some image, at some vision,--he cried out twice, a +cry that was no more than a breath-- + +"'The horror! The horror!' + +"I blew the candle out and left the cabin. The pil- +grims were dining in the mess-room, and I took my +place opposite the manager, who lifted his eyes to give +me a questioning glance, which I successfully ignored. +He leaned back, serene, with that peculiar smile of his +sealing the unexpressed depths of his meanness. A con- +tinuous shower of small flies streamed upon the lamp, +upon the cloth, upon our hands and faces. Suddenly +the manager's boy put his insolent black head in the +doorway, and said in a tone of scathing contempt-- + +"'Mistah Kurtz--he dead.' + +"All the pilgrims rushed out to see. I remained, and +went on with my dinner. I believe I was considered +brutally callous. However, I did not eat much. There +was a lamp in there--light, don't you know--and outside +it was so beastly, beastly dark. I went no more near +the remarkable man who had pronounced a judgment +upon the adventures of his soul on this earth. The +voice was gone. What else had been there? But I am +of course aware that next day the pilgrims buried some- +thing in a muddy hole. + +"And then they very nearly buried me. + +"However, as you see, I did not go to join Kurtz +there and then. I did not. I remained to dream the +nightmare out to the end, and to show my loyalty to +Kurtz once more. Destiny. My destiny! Droll thing +life is--that mysterious arrangement of merciless logic +for a futile purpose. The most you can hope from it +is some knowledge of yourself--that comes too late--a +crop of unextinguishable regrets. I have wrestled with +death. It is the most unexciting contest you can imagine. +It takes place in an impalpable grayness, with nothing +underfoot, with nothing around, without spectators, +without clamor, without glory, without the great desire +of victory, without the great fear of defeat, in a sickly +atmosphere of tepid skepticism, without much belief in +your own right, and still less in that of your adversary. +If such is the form of ultimate wisdom, then life is a +greater riddle than some of us think it to be. I was +within a hair's-breadth of the last opportunity for pro- +nouncement, and I found with humiliation that probably +I would have nothing to say. This is the reason why I +affirm that Kurtz was a remarkable man. He had some- +thing to say. He said it. Since I had peeped over the +edge myself, I understand better the meaning of his +stare, that could not see the flame of the candle, but was +wide enough to embrace the whole universe, piercing +enough to penetrate all the hearts that beat in the dark- +ness. He had summed up--he had judged. 'The +horror!' He was a remarkable man. After all, this +was the expression of some sort of belief; it had candor, +it had conviction, it had a vibrating note of revolt in its +whisper, it had the appalling face of a glimpsed truth +--the strange commingling of desire and hate. And it +is not my own extremity I remember best--a vision of +grayness without form filled with physical pain, and a +careless contempt for the evanescence of all things--even +of this pain itself. No! It is his extremity that I seem +to have lived through. True, he had made that last +stride, he had stepped over the edge, while I had been +permitted to draw back my hesitating foot. And per- +haps in this is the whole difference; perhaps all the wis- +dom, and all truth, and all sincerity, are just compressed +into that inappreciable moment of time in which we step +over the threshold of the invisible. Perhaps! I like to +think my summing-up would not have been a word of +careless contempt. Better his cry--much better. It was +an affirmation, a moral victory paid for by innumerable +defeats, by abominable terrors, by abominable satisfac- +tions. But it was a victory! That is why I have re- +mained loyal to Kurtz to the last, and even beyond, +when a long time after I heard once more, not his own +voice, but the echo of his magnificent eloquence thrown +to me from a soul as translucently pure as a cliff of +crystal. + +"No, they did not bury me, though there is a period +of time which I remember mistily, with a shuddering +wonder, like a passage through some inconceivable world +that had no hope in it and no desire. I found myself +back in the sepulchral city resenting the sight of people +hurrying through the streets to filch a little money from +each other, to devour their infamous cookery, to gulp +their unwholesome beer, to dream their insignificant and +silly dreams. They trespassed upon my thoughts. They +were intruders whose knowledge of life was to me an +irritating pretense, because I felt so sure they could +not possibly know the things I knew. Their bearing, +which was simply the bearing of commonplace individuals +going about their business in the assurance of perfect +safety, was offensive to me like the outrageous flaunt- +ings of folly in the face of a danger it is unable to +comprehend. I had no particular desire to enlighten +them, but I had some difficulty in restraining myself +from laughing in their faces, so full of stupid impor- +tance. I dare say I was not very well at that time. I +tottered about the streets--there were various affairs to +settle--grinning bitterly at perfectly respectable per- +sons. I admit my behavior was inexcusable, but then my +temperature was seldom normal in these days. My dear +aunt's endeavors to 'nurse up my strength' seemed alto- +gether beside the mark. It was not my strength that +wanted nursing, it was my imagination that wanted +soothing. I kept the bundle of papers given me by +Kurtz, not knowing exactly what to do with it. His +mother had died lately, watched over, as I was told, by +his Intended. A clean-shaved man, with an official +manner and wearing gold-rimmed spectacles, called on +me one day and made inquiries, at first circuitous, after- +wards suavely pressing, about what he was pleased to +denominate certain 'documents.' I was not surprised, +because I had had two rows with the manager on the +subject out there. I had refused to give up the smallest +scrap out of that package, and I took the same attitude +with the spectacled man. He became darkly menacing +at last, and with much heat argued that the Company +had the right to every bit of information about its 'ter- +ritories.' And, said he, 'Mr. Kurtz's knowledge of +unexplored regions must have been necessarily extensive +and peculiar--owing to his great abilities and to the +deplorable circumstances in which he had been placed: +therefore'--I assured him Mr. Kurtz's knowledge, +however extensive, did not bear upon the problems of +commerce or administration. He invoked then the name +of science. 'It would be an incalculable loss if,' &c., &c. +I offered him the report on the 'Suppression of Savage +Customs,' with the postscriptum torn off. He took it +up eagerly, but ended by sniffing at it with an air of +contempt. 'This is not what we had a right to expect,' +he remarked. 'Expect nothing else,' I said. 'There +are only private letters.' He withdrew upon some threat +of legal proceedings, and I saw him no more; but an- +other fellow, calling himself Kurtz's cousin, appeared +two days later, and was anxious to hear all the details +about his dear relative's last moments. Incidentally he +gave me to understand that Kurtz had been essentially +a great musician. 'There was the making of an im- +mense success,' said the man, who was an organist, I +believe, with lank gray hair flowing over a greasy coat- +collar. I had no reason to doubt his statement; and to +this day I am unable to say what was Kurtz's pro- +fession, whether he ever had any--which was the greatest +of his talents. I had taken him for a painter who wrote +for the papers, or else for a journalist who could paint +--but even the cousin (who took snuff during the inter- +view) could not tell me what he had been--exactly. He +was a universal genius--on that point I agreed with the +old chap, who thereupon blew his nose noisily into a +large cotton handkerchief and withdrew in senile agita- +tion, bearing off some family letters and memoranda +without importance. Ultimately a journalist anxious to +know something of the fate of his 'dear colleague' +turned up. This visitor informed me Kurtz's proper +sphere ought to have been politics 'on the popular side.' +He had furry straight eyebrows, bristly hair cropped +short, an eye-glass on a broad ribbon, and, becoming +expansive, confessed his opinion that Kurtz really +couldn't write a bit--'but heavens! how that man could +talk! He electrified large meetings. He had faith-- +don't you see?--he had the faith. He could get himself +to believe anything--anything. He would have been +a splendid leader of an extreme party.' 'What party?' +I asked. 'Any party,' answered the other. 'He was +an--an--extremist.' Did I not think so? I assented. +Did I know, he asked, with a sudden flash of curiosity, +'what it was that had induced him to go out there?' +'Yes,' said I, and forthwith handed him the famous +Report for publication, if he thought fit. He glanced +through it hurriedly, mumbling all the time, judged 'it +would do,' and took himself off with this plunder. + +"Thus I was left at last with a slim packet of letters +and the girl's portrait. She struck me as beautiful-- +I mean she had a beautiful expression. I know that the +sunlight can be made to lie too, yet one felt that no +manipulation of light and pose could have conveyed the +delicate shade of truthfulness upon those features. She +seemed ready to listen without mental reservation, with- +out suspicion, without a thought for herself. I con- +cluded I would go and give her back her portrait and +those letters myself. Curiosity? Yes; and also some +other feeling perhaps. All that had been Kurtz's had +passed out of my hands: his soul, his body, his station, +his plans, his ivory, his career. There remained only +his memory and his Intended--and I wanted to give that +up too to the past, in a way,--to surrender personally +all that remained of him with me to that oblivion which +is the last word of our common fate. I don't defend +myself. I had no clear perception of what it was I +really wanted. Perhaps it was an impulse of uncon- +scious loyalty, or the fulfillment of one of these ironic +necessities that lurk in the facts of human existence. +I don't know. I can't tell. But I went. + +"I thought his memory was like the other memories +of the dead that accumulate in every man's life,--a vague +impress on the brain of shadows that had fallen on it +in their swift and final passage; but before the high and +ponderous door, between the tall houses of a street as +still and decorous as a well-kept alley in a cemetery, I +had a vision of him on the stretcher, opening his mouth +voraciously, as if to devour all the earth with all its +mankind. He lived then before me; he lived as much +as he had ever lived--a shadow insatiable of splendid +appearances, of frightful realities; a shadow darker than +the shadow of the night, and draped nobly in the folds +of a gorgeous eloquence. The vision seemed to enter +the house with me--the stretcher, the phantom-bearers, +the wild crowd of obedient worshipers, the gloom of the +forests, the glitter of the reach between the murky bends, +the beat of the drum, regular and muffled like the beat- +ing of a heart--the heart of a conquering darkness. It +was a moment of triumph for the wilderness, an invad- +ing and vengeful rush which, it seemed to me, I would +have to keep back alone for the salvation of another +soul. And the memory of what I had heard him say +afar there, with the horned shapes stirring at my back, +in the glow of fires, within the patient woods, those +broken phrases came back to me, were heard again in +their ominous and terrifying simplicity. I remembered +his abject pleading, his abject threats, the colossal scale +of his vile desires, the meanness, the torment, the tem- +pestuous anguish of his soul. And later on I seemed to +see his collected languid manner, when he said one day, +'This lot of ivory now is really mine. The Company +did not pay for it. I collected it myself at a very great +personal risk. I am afraid they will try to claim it as +theirs though. H'm. It is a difficult case. What do +you think I ought to do--resist? Eh? I want no more +than justice.' . . . He wanted no more than justice-- +no more than justice. I rang the bell before a mahogany +door on the first floor, and while I waited he seemed to +stare at me out of the glassy panel--stare with that wide +and immense stare embracing, condemning, loathing all +the universe. I seemed to hear the whispered cry, 'The +horror! The horror!' + +"The dusk was falling. I had to wait in a lofty draw- +ing-room with three long windows from floor to ceiling +that were like three luminous and bedraped columns. +The bent gilt legs and backs of the furniture shone in +indistinct curves. The tall marble fireplace had a cold +and monumental whiteness. A grand piano stood mas- +sively in a corner, with dark gleams on the flat sur- +faces like a somber and polished sarcophagus. A high +door opened--closed. I rose. + +"She came forward, all in black, with a pale head, +floating towards me in the dusk. She was in mourning. +It was more than a year since his death, more than a +year since the news came; she seemed as though she +would remember and mourn for ever. She took both +my hands in hers and murmured, 'I had heard you +were coming.' I noticed she was not very young--I +mean not girlish. She had a mature capacity for fidelity, +for belief, for suffering. The room seemed to have +grown darker, as if all the sad light of the cloudy +evening had taken refuge on her forehead. This fair +hair, this pale visage, this pure brow, seemed surrounded +by an ashy halo from which the dark eyes looked out at +me. Their glance was guileless, profound, confident, and +trustful. She carried her sorrowful head as though she +were proud of that sorrow, as though she would say, 'I +--I alone know how to mourn for him as he deserves. +But while we were still shaking hands, such a look of +awful desolation came upon her face that I perceived she +was one of those creatures that are not the playthings +of Time. For her he had died only yesterday. And, +by Jove! the impression was so powerful that for me too +he seemed to have died only yesterday--nay, this very +minute. I saw her and him in the same instant of time +--his death and her sorrow--I saw her sorrow in the +very moment of his death. Do you understand? I saw +them together--I heard them together. She had said, +with a deep catch of the breath, 'I have survived;' while +my strained ears seemed to hear distinctly, mingled with +her tone of despairing regret, the summing-up whisper +of his eternal condemnation. I asked myself what I +was doing there, with a sensation of panic in my heart +as though I had blundered into a place of cruel and +absurd mysteries not fit for a human being to behold. +She motioned me to a chair. We sat down. I laid the +packet gently on the little table, and she put her hand +over it. . . . 'You knew him well,' she murmured, +after a moment of mourning silence. + +"'Intimacy grows quick out there,' I said. 'I knew +him as well as it is possible for one man to know another.' + +"'And you admired him,' she said. 'It was impossible +to know him and not to admire him. Was it?' + +"'He was a remarkable man,' I said, unsteadily. Then +before the appealing fixity of her gaze, that seemed to +watch for more words on my lips, I went on, 'It was +impossible not to--' + +"'Love him,' she finished eagerly, silencing me into +an appalled dumbness. 'How true! how true! But +when you think that no one knew him so well as I! I +had all his noble confidence. I knew him best.' + +"'You knew him best,' I repeated. And perhaps she +did. But with every word spoken the room was growing +darker, and only her forehead, smooth and white, re- +mained illumined by the unextinguishable light of belief +and love. + +"'You were his friend,' she went on. 'His friend,' +she repeated, a little louder. 'You must have been, if +he had given you this, and sent you to me. I feel I +can speak to you--and oh! I must speak. I want you +--you who have heard his last words--to know I have +been worthy of him. . . . It is not pride. . . . Yes! +I am proud to know I understood him better than any- +one on earth--he told me so himself. And since his +mother died I have had no one--no one--to--to--' + +"I listened. The darkness deepened. I was not even +sure whether he had given me the right bundle. I rather +suspect he wanted me to take care of another batch of +his papers which, after his death, I saw the manager +examining under the lamp. And the girl talked, easing +her pain in the certitude of my sympathy; she talked as +thirsty men drink. I had heard that her engagement +with Kurtz had been disapproved by her people. He +wasn't rich enough or something. And indeed I don't +know whether he had not been a pauper all his life. He +had given me some reason to infer that it was his im- +patience of comparative poverty that drove him out +there. + +"'. . . Who was not his friend who had heard him +speak once?' she was saying. 'He drew men towards +him by what was best in them.' She looked at me with +intensity. 'It is the gift of the great,' she went on, +and the sound of her low voice seemed to have the ac- +companiment of all the other sounds, full of mystery, +desolation, and sorrow, I had ever heard--the ripple of +the river, the soughing of the trees swayed by the wind, +the murmurs of wild crowds, the faint ring of incom- +prehensible words cried from afar, the whisper of a +voice speaking from beyond the threshold of an eternal +darkness. 'But you have heard him! You know!' she +cried. + +"'Yes, I know,' I said with something like despair +in my heart, but bowing my head before the faith that +was in her, before that great and saving illusion that +shone with an unearthly glow in the darkness, in the +triumphant darkness from which I could not have de- +fended her--from which I could not even defend +myself. + +"'What a loss to me--to us!'--she corrected herself +with beautiful generosity; then added in a murmur, 'To +the world.' By the last gleams of twilight I could see +the glitter of her eyes, full of tears--of tears that would +not fall. + +"'I have been very happy--very fortunate--very +proud,' she went on. 'Too fortunate. Too happy for +a little while. And now I am unhappy for--for +life.' + +"She stood up; her fair hair seemed to catch all the +remaining light in a glimmer of gold. I rose too. + +"'And of all this,' she went on, mournfully, 'of all his +promise, and of all his greatness, of his generous mind, +of his noble heart, nothing remains--nothing but a +memory. You and I--' + +"'We shall always remember him,' I said, hastily. + +"'No!' she cried. 'It is impossible that all this should +be lost--that such a life should be sacrificed to leave +nothing--but sorrow. You know what vast plans he +had. I knew of them too--I could not perhaps under- +stand,--but others knew of them. Something must re- +main. His words, at least, have not died.' + +"'His words will remain,' I said. + +"'And his example,' she whispered to herself. 'Men +looked up to him,--his goodness shone in every act. His +example--' + +"'True,' I said; 'his example too. Yes, his example. +I forgot that.' + +"'But I do not. I cannot--I cannot believe--not yet. +I cannot believe that I shall never see him again, that +nobody will see him again, never, never, never.' + +"She put out her arms as if after a retreating figure, +stretching them black and with clasped pale hands across +the fading and narrow sheen of the window. Never see +him! I saw him clearly enough then. I shall see this +eloquent phantom as long as I live, and I shall see her +too, a tragic and familiar Shade, resembling in this ges- +ture another one, tragic also, and bedecked with power- +less charms, stretching bare brown arms over the glitter +of the infernal stream, the stream of darkness. She said +suddenly very low, 'He died as he lived.' + +"'His end,' said I, with dull anger stirring in me, +'was in every way worthy of his life.' + +"'And I was not with him,' she murmured. My anger +subsided before a feeling of infinite pity. + +"'Everything that could be done--' I mumbled. + +"'Ah, but I believed in him more than anyone on +earth--more than his own mother, more than--himself. +He needed me! Me! I would have treasured every sigh, +every word, every sign, every glance.' + +"I felt like a chill grip on my chest. 'Don't,' I said, +in a muffled voice. + +"'Forgive me. I--I--have mourned so long in silence +--in silence. . . . You were with him--to the last? +I think of his loneliness. Nobody near to understand +him as I would have understood. Perhaps no one to +hear. . . .' + +"'To the very end,' I said, shakily. 'I heard his very +last words. . . .' I stopped in a fright. + +"'Repeat them,' she said in a heart-broken tone. 'I +want--I want--something--something--to--to live +with.' + +"I was on the point of crying at her, 'Don't you hear +them?' The dusk was repeating them in a persistent +whisper all around us, in a whisper that seemed to swell +menacingly like the first whisper of a rising wind. 'The +horror! The horror!' + +"'His last word--to live with,' she murmured. 'Don't +you understand I loved him--I loved him--I loved him!' + +"I pulled myself together and spoke slowly. + +"'The last word he pronounced was--your name.' + +"I heard a light sigh, and then my heart stood still, +stopped dead short by an exulting and terrible cry, by +the cry of inconceivable triumph and of unspeakable +pain. 'I knew it--I was sure!' . . . She knew. She +was sure. I heard her weeping; she had hidden her +face in her hands. It seemed to me that the house would +collapse before I could escape, that the heavens would +fall upon my head. But nothing happened. The +heavens do not fall for such a trifle. Would they have +fallen, I wonder, if I had rendered Kurtz that justice +which was his due? Hadn't he said he wanted only jus- +tice? But I couldn't. I could not tell her. It would +have been too dark--too dark altogether. . . ." + +Marlow ceased, and sat apart, indistinct and silent, in +the pose of a meditating Buddha. Nobody moved for a +time. "We have lost the first of the ebb," said the Di- +rector, suddenly. I raised my head. The offing was +barred by a black bank of clouds, and the tranquil water- +way leading to the uttermost ends of the earth flowed +somber under an overcast sky--seemed to lead into the +heart of an immense darkness. + + + + + +End of The Project Gutenberg Etext of Heart of Darkness + diff --git a/old/hdark11a.zip b/old/hdark11a.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..9a9e790 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/hdark11a.zip diff --git a/old/hdark12a.txt b/old/hdark12a.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0959e93 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/hdark12a.txt @@ -0,0 +1,3889 @@ +******The Project Gutenberg Etext of Heart of Darkness******** +#8 in our series by Joseph Conrad +#1 was from another edition of Heart of Darkness + +[See also the movie Apocalypse Now] + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check +the copyright laws for your country before posting these files! + +Please take a look at the important information in this header. +We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an +electronic path open for the next readers. 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The flood had made, +the wind was nearly calm, and being bound down the river, +the only thing for it was to come to and wait for the turn +of the tide. + +The sea-reach of the Thames stretched before us like the beginning of an +interminable waterway. In the offing the sea and the sky were welded +together without a joint, and in the luminous space the tanned sails +of the barges drifting up with the tide seemed to stand still in red +clusters of canvas sharply peaked, with gleams of varnished sprits. +A haze rested on the low shores that ran out to sea in vanishing flatness. +The air was dark above Gravesend, and farther back still seemed +condensed into a mournful gloom, brooding motionless over the biggest, +and the greatest, town on earth. + +The Director of Companies was our captain and our host. We four +affectionately watched his back as he stood in the bows looking to seaward. +On the whole river there was nothing that looked half so nautical. +He resembled a pilot, which to a seaman is trustworthiness personified. +It was difficult to realize his work was not out there in the luminous +estuary, but behind him, within the brooding gloom. + +Between us there was, as I have already said somewhere, the bond +of the sea. Besides holding our hearts together through long +periods of separation, it had the effect of making us tolerant +of each other's yarns--and even convictions. The Lawyer--the best +of old fellows--had, because of his many years and many virtues, +the only cushion on deck, and was lying on the only rug. +The Accountant had brought out already a box of dominoes, and was +toying architecturally with the bones. Marlow sat cross-legged +right aft, leaning against the mizzen-mast. He had sunken cheeks, +a yellow complexion, a straight back, an ascetic aspect, and, with his +arms dropped, the palms of hands outwards, resembled an idol. +The Director, satisfied the anchor had good hold, made his way +aft and sat down amongst us. We exchanged a few words lazily. +Afterwards there was silence on board the yacht. +For some reason or other we did not begin that game of dominoes. +We felt meditative, and fit for nothing but placid staring. +The day was ending in a serenity of still and exquisite brilliance. +The water shone pacifically; the sky, without a speck, was a +benign immensity of unstained light; the very mist on the Essex +marshes was like a gauzy and radiant fabric, hung from the wooded +rises inland, and draping the low shores in diaphanous folds. +Only the gloom to the west, brooding over the upper reaches, +became more somber every minute, as if angered by the approach +of the sun. + +And at last, in its curved and imperceptible fall, the sun sank low, +and from glowing white changed to a dull red without rays and without heat, +as if about to go out suddenly, stricken to death by the touch of that gloom +brooding over a crowd of men. + +Forthwith a change came over the waters, and the serenity +became less brilliant but more profound. The old river +in its broad reach rested unruffled at the decline of day, +after ages of good service done to the race that peopled its banks, +spread out in the tranquil dignity of a waterway leading +to the uttermost ends of the earth. We looked at the venerable +stream not in the vivid flush of a short day that comes and +departs for ever, but in the august light of abiding memories. +And indeed nothing is easier for a man who has, as the phrase goes, +"followed the sea" with reverence and affection, than to +evoke the great spirit of the past upon the lower reaches +of the Thames. The tidal current runs to and fro in its +unceasing service, crowded with memories of men and ships it +had borne to the rest of home or to the battles of the sea. +It had known and served all the men of whom the nation is proud, +from Sir Francis Drake to Sir John Franklin, knights all, +titled and untitled--the great knights-errant of the sea. +It had borne all the ships whose names are like jewels +flashing in the night of time, from the Golden Hind returning +with her round flanks full of treasure, to be visited by +the Queen's Highness and thus pass out of the gigantic tale, +to the Erebus and Terror, bound on other conquests-- +and that never returned. It had known the ships and the men. +They had sailed from Deptford, from Greenwich, from Erith-- +the adventurers and the settlers; kings' ships and the ships +of men on `Change; captains, admirals, the dark "interlopers" +of the Eastern trade, and the commissioned "generals" +of East India fleets. Hunters for gold or pursuers of fame, +they all had gone out on that stream, bearing the sword, +and often the torch, messengers of the might within the land, +bearers of a spark from the sacred fire. What greatness had not +floated on the ebb of that river into the mystery of an unknown +earth! . . . The dreams of men, the seed of commonwealths, +the germs of empires. + +The sun set; the dusk fell on the stream, and lights began to +appear along the shore. The Chapman lighthouse, a three-legged +thing erect on a mud-flat, shone strongly. Lights of ships moved +in the fairway--a great stir of lights going up and going down. +And farther west on the upper reaches the place of the monstrous town +was still marked ominously on the sky, a brooding gloom in sunshine, +a lurid glare under the stars. + +"And this also," said Marlow suddenly, "has been one of the dark places +of the earth." + +He was the only man of us who still "followed the sea." +The worst that could be said of him was that he did not represent +his class. He was a seaman, but he was a wanderer, too, while most +seamen lead, if one may so express it, a sedentary life. +Their minds are of the stay-at-home order, and their home is +always with them--the ship; and so is their country--the sea. +One ship is very much like another, and the sea is always the same. +In the immutability of their surroundings the foreign shores, +the foreign faces, the changing immensity of life, glide past, +veiled not by a sense of mystery but by a slightly disdainful ignorance; +for there is nothing mysterious to a seaman unless it be +the sea itself, which is the mistress of his existence and as +inscrutable as Destiny. For the rest, after his hours of work, +a casual stroll or a casual spree on shore suffices to unfold for him +the secret of a whole continent, and generally he finds the secret +not worth knowing. The yarns of seamen have a direct simplicity, +the whole meaning of which lies within the shell of a cracked nut. +But Marlow was not typical (if his propensity to spin yarns be +excepted), and to him the meaning of an episode was not inside +like a kernel but outside, enveloping the tale which brought it +out only as a glow brings out a haze, in the likeness of one of +these misty halos that sometimes are made visible by the spectral +illumination of moonshine. + +His remark did not seem at all surprising. It was just like Marlow. It was +accepted in silence. No one took the trouble to grunt even; and presently +he said, very slow-- + +"I was thinking of very old times, when the Romans first came here, +nineteen hundred years ago--the other day. . . . Light came +out of this river since--you say Knights? Yes; but it is like a +running blaze on a plain, like a flash of lightning in the clouds. +We live in the flicker--may it last as long as the old +earth keeps rolling! But darkness was here yesterday. +Imagine the feelings of a commander of a fine--what d'ye call +`em?--trireme in the Mediterranean, ordered suddenly to the north; +run overland across the Gauls in a hurry; put in charge of one +of these craft the legionaries,--a wonderful lot of handy men they +must have been too--used to build, apparently by the hundred, +in a month or two, if we may believe what we read. Imagine him here-- +the very end of the world, a sea the color of lead, a sky +the color of smoke, a kind of ship about as rigid as a concertina-- +and going up this river with stores, or orders, or what you like. +Sandbanks, marshes, forests, savages,--precious little to eat +fit for a civilized man, nothing but Thames water to drink. +No Falernian wine here, no going ashore. Here and there +a military camp lost in a wilderness, like a needle in a bundle +of hay--cold, fog, tempests, disease, exile, and death,-- +death skulking in the air, in the water, in the bush. +They must have been dying like flies here. Oh yes--he did it. +Did it very well, too, no doubt, and without thinking much +about it either, except afterwards to brag of what he had gone +through in his time, perhaps. They were men enough to face +the darkness. And perhaps he was cheered by keeping his eye +on a chance of promotion to the fleet at Ravenna by-and-by, +if he had good friends in Rome and survived the awful climate. +Or think of a decent young citizen in a toga--perhaps too much dice, +you know--coming out here in the train of some prefect, +or tax-gatherer, or trader even, to mend his fortunes. +Land in a swamp, march through the woods, and in some inland post +feel the savagery, the utter savagery, had closed round him,-- +all that mysterious life of the wilderness that stirs +in the forest, in the jungles, in the hearts of wild men. +There's no initiation either into such mysteries. He has to live +in the midst of the incomprehensible, which is also detestable. +And it has a fascination, too, that goes to work upon him. +The fascination of the abomination--you know. Imagine the +growing regrets, the longing to escape, the powerless disgust, +the surrender, the hate." + +He paused. + +"Mind," he began again, lifting one arm from the elbow, the palm +of the hand outwards, so that, with his legs folded before him, +he had the pose of a Buddha preaching in European clothes and without +a lotus-flower--"Mind, none of us would feel exactly like this. +What saves us is efficiency--the devotion to efficiency. +But these chaps were not much account, really. They were no colonists; +their administration was merely a squeeze, and nothing more, I suspect. +They were conquerors, and for that you want only brute force-- +nothing to boast of, when you have it, since your strength +is just an accident arising from the weakness of others. +They grabbed what they could get for the sake of what was to be got. +It was just robbery with violence, aggravated murder on a great scale, +and men going at it blind--as is very proper for those who tackle +a darkness. The conquest of the earth, which mostly means +the taking it away from those who have a different complexion +or slightly flatter noses than ourselves, is not a pretty thing +when you look into it too much. What redeems it is the idea only. +An idea at the back of it; not a sentimental pretense but an idea; +and an unselfish belief in the idea--something you can set up, +and bow down before, and offer a sacrifice to. . . ." + +He broke off. Flames glided in the river, small green flames, red flames, +white flames, pursuing, overtaking, joining, crossing each other-- +then separating slowly or hastily. The traffic of the great city went +on in the deepening night upon the sleepless river. We looked on, +waiting patiently--there was nothing else to do till the end of the flood; +but it was only after a long silence, when he said, in a hesitating voice, +"I suppose you fellows remember I did once turn fresh-water sailor +for a bit," that we knew we were fated, before the ebb began to run, +to hear about one of Marlow's inconclusive experiences. + +"I don't want to bother you much with what happened to me personally," +he began, showing in this remark the weakness of many tellers +of tales who seem so often unaware of what their audience would best +like to hear; "yet to understand the effect of it on me you ought +to know how I got out there, what I saw, how I went up that river +to the place where I first met the poor chap. It was the farthest +point of navigation and the culminating point of my experience. +It seemed somehow to throw a kind of light on everything about me-- +and into my thoughts. It was somber enough too--and pitiful-- +not extraordinary in any way--not very clear either. No, not very clear. +And yet it seemed to throw a kind of light. + +"I had then, as you remember, just returned to London +after a lot of Indian Ocean, Pacific, China Seas--a regular +dose of the East--six years or so, and I was loafing about, +hindering you fellows in your work and invading your homes, +just as though I had got a heavenly mission to civilize you. +It was very fine for a time, but after a bit I did get tired +of resting. Then I began to look for a ship--I should think +the hardest work on earth. But the ships wouldn't even look at me. +And I got tired of that game too. + +"Now when I was a little chap I had a passion for maps. +I would look for hours at South America, or Africa, or Australia, +and lose myself in all the glories of exploration. +At that time there were many blank spaces on the earth, +and when I saw one that looked particularly inviting on a map +(but they all look that) I would put my finger on it and say, `When I +grow up I will go there.' The North Pole was one of these places, +I remember. Well, I haven't been there yet, and shall not try now. +The glamour's off. Other places were scattered about the Equator, +and in every sort of latitude all over the two hemispheres. +I have been in some of them, and . . . well, we won't talk about that. +But there was one yet--the biggest, the most blank, so to speak-- +that I had a hankering after. + +"True, by this time it was not a blank space any more. +It had got filled since my boyhood with rivers and lakes and names. +It had ceased to be a blank space of delightful mystery--a white patch +for a boy to dream gloriously over. It had become a place of darkness. +But there was in it one river especially, a mighty big river, that you +could see on the map, resembling an immense snake uncoiled, with its +head in the sea, its body at rest curving afar over a vast country, +and its tail lost in the depths of the land. And as I looked at the map +of it in a shop-window, it fascinated me as a snake would a bird-- +a silly little bird. Then I remembered there was a big concern, +a Company for trade on that river. Dash it all! I thought to myself, +they can't trade without using some kind of craft on that lot of +fresh water--steamboats! Why shouldn't I try to get charge of one? +I went on along Fleet Street, but could not shake off the idea. +The snake had charmed me. + +"You understand it was a Continental concern, that Trading society; +but I have a lot of relations living on the Continent, because it's +cheap and not so nasty as it looks, they say. + +"I am sorry to own I began to worry them. This was already a fresh +departure for me. I was not used to get things that way, you know. +I always went my own road and on my own legs where I had a mind to go. +I wouldn't have believed it of myself; but, then--you see--I felt +somehow I must get there by hook or by crook. So I worried them. +The men said `My dear fellow,' and did nothing. Then--would you +believe it?--I tried the women. I, Charlie Marlow, set the women to work-- +to get a job. Heavens! Well, you see, the notion drove me. +I had an aunt, a dear enthusiastic soul. She wrote: `It will be delightful. +I am ready to do anything, anything for you. It is a glorious idea. +I know the wife of a very high personage in the Administration, +and also a man who has lots of influence with,' &c., &c. She was determined +to make no end of fuss to get me appointed skipper of a river steamboat, +if such was my fancy. + +"I got my appointment--of course; and I got it very quick. +It appears the Company had received news that one of their +captains had been killed in a scuffle with the natives. +This was my chance, and it made me the more anxious to go. +It was only months and months afterwards, when I made the attempt +to recover what was left of the body, that I heard the original +quarrel arose from a misunderstanding about some hens. +Yes, two black hens. Fresleven--that was the fellow's name, +a Dane--thought himself wronged somehow in the bargain, +so he went ashore and started to hammer the chief of the village +with a stick. Oh, it didn't surprise me in the least to +hear this, and at the same time to be told that Fresleven was +the gentlest, quietest creature that ever walked on two legs. +No doubt he was; but he had been a couple of years already out +there engaged in the noble cause, you know, and he probably felt +the need at last of asserting his self-respect in some way. +Therefore he whacked the old nigger mercilessly, while a big +crowd of his people watched him, thunderstruck, till some man,-- +I was told the chief's son,--in desperation at hearing the old +chap yell, made a tentative jab with a spear at the white man-- +and of course it went quite easy between the shoulder-blades. +Then the whole population cleared into the forest, expecting all +kinds of calamities to happen, while, on the other hand, +the steamer Fresleven commanded left also in a bad panic, +in charge of the engineer, I believe. Afterwards nobody seemed +to trouble much about Fresleven's remains, till I got out and +stepped into his shoes. I couldn't let it rest, though; but when +an opportunity offered at last to meet my predecessor, the grass +growing through his ribs was tall enough to hide his bones. +They were all there. The supernatural being had not been +touched after he fell. And the village was deserted, the huts +gaped black, rotting, all askew within the fallen enclosures. +A calamity had come to it, sure enough. The people had vanished. +Mad terror had scattered them, men, women, and children, +through the bush, and they had never returned. +What became of the hens I don't know either. I should think +the cause of progress got them, anyhow. However, through this +glorious affair I got my appointment, before I had fairly begun +to hope for it. + +"I flew around like mad to get ready, and before forty-eight +hours I was crossing the Channel to show myself to my employers, +and sign the contract. In a very few hours I arrived in a city that +always makes me think of a whited sepulcher. Prejudice no doubt. +I had no difficulty in finding the Company's offices. It was +the biggest thing in the town, and everybody I met was full of it. +They were going to run an over-sea empire, and make no end +of coin by trade. + +"A narrow and deserted street in deep shadow, high houses, +innumerable windows with venetian blinds, a dead silence, +grass sprouting between the stones, imposing carriage archways +right and left, immense double doors standing ponderously ajar. +I slipped through one of these cracks, went up a swept and ungarnished +staircase, as arid as a desert, and opened the first door I came to. +Two women, one fat and the other slim, sat on straw-bottomed chairs, +knitting black wool. The slim one got up and walked straight at me-- +still knitting with downcast eyes--and only just as I began to +think of getting out of her way, as you would for a somnambulist, +stood still, and looked up. Her dress was as plain as an +umbrella-cover, and she turned round without a word and preceded +me into a waiting-room. I gave my name, and looked about. +Deal table in the middle, plain chairs all round the walls, on one +end a large shining map, marked with all the colors of a rainbow. +There was a vast amount of red--good to see at any time, because one +knows that some real work is done in there, a deuce of a lot +of blue, a little green, smears of orange, and, on the East Coast, +a purple patch, to show where the jolly pioneers of progress drink +the jolly lager-beer. However, I wasn't going into any of these. +I was going into the yellow. Dead in the center. And the river +was there--fascinating--deadly--like a snake. Ough! A door opened, +a white-haired secretarial head, but wearing a compassionate expression, +appeared, and a skinny forefinger beckoned me into the sanctuary. +Its light was dim, and a heavy writing-desk squatted in the middle. +From behind that structure came out an impression of pale plumpness +in a frock-coat. The great man himself. He was five feet six, +I should judge, and had his grip on the handle-end of ever +so many millions. He shook hands, I fancy, murmured vaguely, +was satisfied with my French. Bon voyage. + +"In about forty-five seconds I found myself again in the waiting-room +with the compassionate secretary, who, full of desolation and sympathy, +made me sign some document. I believe I undertook amongst other things +not to disclose any trade secrets. Well, I am not going to. + +"I began to feel slightly uneasy. You know I am not used to +such ceremonies, and there was something ominous in the atmosphere. +It was just as though I had been let into some conspiracy-- +I don't know--something not quite right; and I was glad to get out. +In the outer room the two women knitted black wool feverishly. +People were arriving, and the younger one was walking back +and forth introducing them. The old one sat on her chair. +Her flat cloth slippers were propped up on a foot-warmer, and a cat +reposed on her lap. She wore a starched white affair on her head, +had a wart on one cheek, and silver-rimmed spectacles hung +on the tip of her nose. She glanced at me above the glasses. +The swift and indifferent placidity of that look troubled me. +Two youths with foolish and cheery countenances were being piloted over, +and she threw at them the same quick glance of unconcerned wisdom. +She seemed to know all about them and about me too. +An eerie feeling came over me. She seemed uncanny and fateful. +Often far away there I thought of these two, guarding the door +of Darkness, knitting black wool as for a warm pall, +one introducing, introducing continuously to the unknown, +the other scrutinizing the cheery and foolish faces with unconcerned +old eyes. Ave! Old knitter of black wool. Morituri te salutant. +Not many of those she looked at ever saw her again--not half, +by a long way. + +"There was yet a visit to the doctor. `A simple formality,' assured me +the secretary, with an air of taking an immense part in all my sorrows. +Accordingly a young chap wearing his hat over the left eyebrow, +some clerk I suppose,--there must have been clerks in the business, +though the house was as still as a house in a city of the dead,-- +came from somewhere up-stairs, and led me forth. He was shabby +and careless, with ink-stains on the sleeves of his jacket, +and his cravat was large and billowy, under a chin shaped like the toe +of an old boot. It was a little too early for the doctor, so I +proposed a drink, and thereupon he developed a vein of joviality. +As we sat over our vermouths he glorified the Company's business, +and by-and-by I expressed casually my surprise at him not going +out there. He became very cool and collected all at once. +`I am not such a fool as I look, quoth Plato to his disciples,' +he said sententiously, emptied his glass with great resolution, +and we rose. + +"The old doctor felt my pulse, evidently thinking of something +else the while. `Good, good for there,' he mumbled, +and then with a certain eagerness asked me whether I would +let him measure my head. Rather surprised, I said Yes, +when he produced a thing like calipers and got the dimensions +back and front and every way, taking notes carefully. +He was an unshaven little man in a threadbare coat like a gaberdine, +with his feet in slippers, and I thought him a harmless fool. +`I always ask leave, in the interests of science, to measure +the crania of those going out there,' he said. `And when they +come back, too?' I asked. `Oh, I never see them,' he remarked; +`and, moreover, the changes take place inside, you know.' +He smiled, as if at some quiet joke. `So you are going +out there. Famous. Interesting too.' He gave me a searching glance, +and made another note. `Ever any madness in your family?' +he asked, in a matter-of-fact tone. I felt very annoyed. +`Is that question in the interests of science too?' +`It would be,' he said, without taking notice of my irritation, +`interesting for science to watch the mental changes +of individuals, on the spot, but . . .' `Are you an alienist?' +I interrupted. `Every doctor should be--a little,' +answered that original, imperturbably. `I have a little theory +which you Messieurs who go out there must help me to prove. +This is my share in the advantages my country shall reap +from the possession of such a magnificent dependency. +The mere wealth I leave to others. Pardon my questions, +but you are the first Englishman coming under my observation. +. . .' I hastened to assure him I was not in the least typical. +`If I were,' said I, `I wouldn't be talking like this with you.' +`What you say is rather profound, and probably erroneous,' +he said, with a laugh. `Avoid irritation more than +exposure to the sun. Adieu. How do you English say, eh? +Good-by. Ah! Good-by. Adieu. In the tropics one must before +everything keep calm.' . . . He lifted a warning forefinger. +. . . `Du calme, du calme. Adieu.' + +"One thing more remained to do--say good-by to my excellent aunt. +I found her triumphant. I had a cup of tea--the last decent +cup of tea for many days--and in a room that most soothingly +looked just as you would expect a lady's drawing-room to look, +we had a long quiet chat by the fireside. In the course of these +confidences it became quite plain to me I had been represented +to the wife of the high dignitary, and goodness knows to how many +more people besides, as an exceptional and gifted creature-- +a piece of good fortune for the Company--a man you don't get hold +of every day. Good heavens! and I was going to take charge of a +two-penny-halfpenny river-steamboat with a penny whistle attached! +It appeared, however, I was also one of the Workers, with a capital-- +you know. Something like an emissary of light, something like a +lower sort of apostle. There had been a lot of such rot let loose +in print and talk just about that time, and the excellent woman, +living right in the rush of all that humbug, got carried off her feet. +She talked about `weaning those ignorant millions from their +horrid ways,' till, upon my word, she made me quite uncomfortable. +I ventured to hint that the Company was run for profit. + +"`You forget, dear Charlie, that the laborer is worthy of his hire,' +she said, brightly. It's queer how out of touch with truth women are. +They live in a world of their own, and there had never been anything +like it, and never can be. It is too beautiful altogether, and if they +were to set it up it would go to pieces before the first sunset. +Some confounded fact we men have been living contentedly with ever +since the day of creation would start up and knock the whole thing over. + +"After this I got embraced, told to wear flannel, be sure to write often, +and so on--and I left. In the street--I don't know why--a queer feeling +came to me that I was an impostor. Odd thing that I, who used to clear out +for any part of the world at twenty-four hours' notice, with less thought +than most men give to the crossing of a street, had a moment--I won't say +of hesitation, but of startled pause, before this commonplace affair. +The best way I can explain it to you is by saying that, for a second +or two, I felt as though, instead of going to the center of a continent, +I were about to set off for the center of the earth. + +"I left in a French steamer, and she called in every blamed +port they have out there, for, as far as I could see, +the sole purpose of landing soldiers and custom-house officers. +I watched the coast. Watching a coast as it slips by the ship +is like thinking about an enigma. There it is before you-- +smiling, frowning, inviting, grand, mean, insipid, or savage, +and always mute with an air of whispering, `Come and find out.' +This one was almost featureless, as if still in the making, +with an aspect of monotonous grimness. The edge of a colossal jungle, +so dark-green as to be almost black, fringed with white surf, +ran straight, like a ruled line, far, far away along +a blue sea whose glitter was blurred by a creeping mist. +The sun was fierce, the land seemed to glisten and drip with steam. +Here and there grayish-whitish specks showed up, clustered inside +the white surf, with a flag flying above them perhaps. +Settlements some centuries old, and still no bigger than +pin-heads on the untouched expanse of their background. +We pounded along, stopped, landed soldiers; went on, +landed custom-house clerks to levy toll in what looked like a +God-forsaken wilderness, with a tin shed and a flag-pole lost +in it; landed more soldiers--to take care of the custom-house +clerks, presumably. Some, I heard, got drowned in the surf; +but whether they did or not, nobody seemed particularly to care. +They were just flung out there, and on we went. +Every day the coast looked the same, as though we had not moved; +but we passed various places--trading places--with names +like Gran' Bassam Little Popo, names that seemed to belong +to some sordid farce acted in front of a sinister backcloth. +The idleness of a passenger, my isolation amongst all these men +with whom I had no point of contact, the oily and languid sea, +the uniform somberness of the coast, seemed to keep me away +from the truth of things, within the toil of a mournful +and senseless delusion. The voice of the surf heard now and +then was a positive pleasure, like the speech of a brother. +It was something natural, that had its reason, that had a meaning. +Now and then a boat from the shore gave one a momentary +contact with reality. It was paddled by black fellows. +You could see from afar the white of their eyeballs glistening. +They shouted, sang; their bodies streamed with perspiration; +they had faces like grotesque masks--these chaps; but they +had bone, muscle, a wild vitality, an intense energy of movement, +that was as natural and true as the surf along their coast. +They wanted no excuse for being there. They were a great comfort +to look at. For a time I would feel I belonged still to a world +of straightforward facts; but the feeling would not last long. +Something would turn up to scare it away. Once, I remember, +we came upon a man-of-war anchored off the coast. +There wasn't even a shed there, and she was shelling the bush. +It appears the French had one of their wars going on thereabouts. +Her ensign dropped limp like a rag; the muzzles of the long +eight-inch guns stuck out all over the low hull; the greasy, +slimy swell swung her up lazily and let her down, swaying her +thin masts. In the empty immensity of earth, sky, and water, +there she was, incomprehensible, firing into a continent. +Pop, would go one of the eight-inch guns; a small flame would +dart and vanish, a little white smoke would disappear, a tiny +projectile would give a feeble screech--and nothing happened. +Nothing could happen. There was a touch of insanity in +the proceeding, a sense of lugubrious drollery in the sight; +and it was not dissipated by somebody on board assuring me +earnestly there was a camp of natives--he called them enemies!-- +hidden out of sight somewhere. + +"We gave her her letters (I heard the men in that lonely ship were dying +of fever at the rate of three a day) and went on. We called at some more +places with farcical names, where the merry dance of death and trade +goes on in a still and earthy atmosphere as of an overheated catacomb; +all along the formless coast bordered by dangerous surf, as if Nature +herself had tried to ward off intruders; in and out of rivers, +streams of death in life, whose banks were rotting into mud, +whose waters, thickened into slime, invaded the contorted mangroves, +that seemed to writhe at us in the extremity of an impotent despair. +Nowhere did we stop long enough to get a particularized impression, +but the general sense of vague and oppressive wonder grew upon me. +It was like a weary pilgrimage amongst hints for nightmares. + +"It was upward of thirty days before I saw the mouth of +the big river. We anchored off the seat of the government. +But my work would not begin till some two hundred miles farther on. +So as soon as I could I made a start for a place thirty +miles higher up. + +"I had my passage on a little sea-going steamer. Her captain was +a Swede, and knowing me for a seaman, invited me on the bridge. +He was a young man, lean, fair, and morose, with lanky hair and a +shuffling gait. As we left the miserable little wharf, he tossed +his head contemptuously at the shore. `Been living there?' he asked. +I said, `Yes.' `Fine lot these government chaps--are they not?' he went on, +speaking English with great precision and considerable bitterness. +`It is funny what some people will do for a few francs a month. +I wonder what becomes of that kind when it goes up country?' +I said to him I expected to see that soon. `So-o-o!' he exclaimed. +He shuffled athwart, keeping one eye ahead vigilantly. `Don't be too sure,' +he continued. `The other day I took up a man who hanged himself on the road. +He was a Swede, too.' `Hanged himself! Why, in God's name?' I cried. +He kept on looking out watchfully. `Who knows? The sun too much for him, +or the country perhaps.' + +"At last we opened a reach. A rocky cliff appeared, mounds of turned-up +earth by the shore, houses on a hill, others, with iron roofs, +amongst a waste of excavations, or hanging to the declivity. +A continuous noise of the rapids above hovered over this scene +of inhabited devastation. A lot of people, mostly black and naked, +moved about like ants. A jetty projected into the river. +A blinding sunlight drowned all this at times in a sudden recrudescence +of glare. `There's your Company's station,' said the Swede, +pointing to three wooden barrack-like structures on the rocky slope. +`I will send your things up. Four boxes did you say? So. Farewell.' + +"I came upon a boiler wallowing in the grass, then found a path leading up +the hill. It turned aside for the bowlders, and also for an undersized +railway-truck lying there on its back with its wheels in the air. +One was off. The thing looked as dead as the carcass of some animal. +I came upon more pieces of decaying machinery, a stack of rusty rails. +To the left a clump of trees made a shady spot, where dark things seemed +to stir feebly. I blinked, the path was steep. A horn tooted to the right, +and I saw the black people run. A heavy and dull detonation shook +the ground, a puff of smoke came out of the cliff, and that was all. +No change appeared on the face of the rock. They were building a railway. +The cliff was not in the way or anything; but this objectless blasting +was all the work going on. + +"A slight clinking behind me made me turn my head. +Six black men advanced in a file, toiling up the path. +They walked erect and slow, balancing small baskets full of earth +on their heads, and the clink kept time with their footsteps. +Black rags were wound round their loins, and the short ends +behind wagged to and fro like tails. I could see every rib, +the joints of their limbs were like knots in a rope; each had +an iron collar on his neck, and all were connected together with +a chain whose bights swung between them, rhythmically clinking. +Another report from the cliff made me think suddenly +of that ship of war I had seen firing into a continent. +It was the same kind of ominous voice; but these men could +by no stretch of imagination be called enemies. They were +called criminals, and the outraged law, like the bursting shells, +had come to them, an insoluble mystery from over the sea. +All their meager breasts panted together, the violently +dilated nostrils quivered, the eyes stared stonily uphill. +They passed me within six inches, without a glance, +with that complete, deathlike indifference of unhappy savages. +Behind this raw matter one of the reclaimed, the product of the new +forces at work, strolled despondently, carrying a rifle by its middle. +He had a uniform jacket with one button off, and seeing a white man +on the path, hoisted his weapon to his shoulder with alacrity. +This was simple prudence, white men being so much alike at a distance +that he could not tell who I might be. He was speedily reassured, +and with a large, white, rascally grin, and a glance at his charge, +seemed to take me into partnership in his exalted trust. +After all, I also was a part of the great cause of these high +and just proceedings. + +"Instead of going up, I turned and descended to the left. +My idea was to let that chain-gang get out of sight before I +climbed the hill. You know I am not particularly tender; +I've had to strike and to fend off. I've had to resist +and to attack sometimes--that's only one way of resisting-- +without counting the exact cost, according to the demands +of such sort of life as I had blundered into. I've seen +the devil of violence, and the devil of greed, and the devil +of hot desire; but, by all the stars! these were strong, lusty, +red-eyed devils, that swayed and drove men--men, I tell you. +But as I stood on this hillside, I foresaw that in the blinding +sunshine of that land I would become acquainted with a flabby, +pretending, weak-eyed devil of a rapacious and pitiless folly. +How insidious he could be, too, I was only to find +out several months later and a thousand miles farther. +For a moment I stood appalled, as though by a warning. +Finally I descended the hill, obliquely, towards the trees +I had seen. + +"I avoided a vast artificial hole somebody had been digging on +the slope, the purpose of which I found it impossible to divine. +It wasn't a quarry or a sandpit, anyhow. It was just a hole. +It might have been connected with the philanthropic desire +of giving the criminals something to do. I don't know. +Then I nearly fell into a very narrow ravine, almost no +more than a scar in the hillside. I discovered that a lot +of imported drainage-pipes for the settlement had been +tumbled in there. There wasn't one that was not broken. +It was a wanton smash-up. At last I got under the trees. +My purpose was to stroll into the shade for a moment; +but no sooner within than it seemed to me I had stepped +into a gloomy circle of some Inferno. The rapids were near, +and an uninterrupted, uniform, headlong, rushing noise filled +the mournful stillness of the grove, where not a breath stirred, +not a leaf moved, with a mysterious sound--as though the tearing +pace of the launched earth had suddenly become audible. + +"Black shapes crouched, lay, sat between the trees, leaning against +the trunks, clinging to the earth, half coming out, half effaced within +the dim light, in all the attitudes of pain, abandonment, and despair. +Another mine on the cliff went off, followed by a slight shudder +of the soil under my feet. The work was going on. The work! +And this was the place where some of the helpers had withdrawn to die. + +"They were dying slowly--it was very clear. They were not enemies, +they were not criminals, they were nothing earthly now,-- +nothing but black shadows of disease and starvation, lying +confusedly in the greenish gloom. Brought from all the recesses +of the coast in all the legality of time contracts, lost in +uncongenial surroundings, fed on unfamiliar food, they sickened, +became inefficient, and were then allowed to crawl away and rest. +These moribund shapes were free as air--and nearly as thin. +I began to distinguish the gleam of eyes under the trees. +Then, glancing down, I saw a face near my hand. +The black bones reclined at full length with one shoulder +against the tree, and slowly the eyelids rose and the sunken +eyes looked up at me, enormous and vacant, a kind of blind, +white flicker in the depths of the orbs, which died out slowly. +The man seemed young--almost a boy--but you know with them it's +hard to tell. I found nothing else to do but to offer him +one of my good Swede's ship's biscuits I had in my pocket. +The fingers closed slowly on it and held--there was no +other movement and no other glance. He had tied a bit +of white worsted round his neck--Why? Where did he get it? +Was it a badge--an ornament--a charm--a propitiatory act? +Was there any idea at all connected with it? It looked +startling round his black neck, this bit of white thread from +beyond the seas. + +"Near the same tree two more bundles of acute angles sat with +their legs drawn up. One, with his chin propped on his knees, +stared at nothing, in an intolerable and appalling manner: +his brother phantom rested its forehead, as if overcome with a +great weariness; and all about others were scattered in every pose +of contorted collapse, as in some picture of a massacre or a pestilence. +While I stood horror-struck, one of these creatures rose to his hands +and knees, and went off on all-fours towards the river to drink. +He lapped out of his hand, then sat up in the sunlight, crossing his +shins in front of him, and after a time let his woolly head fall +on his breastbone. + +"I didn't want any more loitering in the shade, and I made +haste towards the station. When near the buildings I met +a white man, in such an unexpected elegance of get-up +that in the first moment I took him for a sort of vision. +I saw a high starched collar, white cuffs, a light alpaca jacket, +snowy trousers, a clear necktie, and varnished boots. No hat. +Hair parted, brushed, oiled, under a green-lined parasol held +in a big white hand. He was amazing, and had a penholder +behind his ear. + +"I shook hands with this miracle, and I learned he was the Company's +chief accountant, and that all the bookkeeping was done at this station. +He had come out for a moment, he said, `to get a breath of fresh air.' +The expression sounded wonderfully odd, with its suggestion of sedentary +desk-life. I wouldn't have mentioned the fellow to you at all, only it was +from his lips that I first heard the name of the man who is so indissolubly +connected with the memories of that time. Moreover, I respected the fellow. +Yes; I respected his collars, his vast cuffs, his brushed hair. +His appearance was certainly that of a hairdresser's dummy; but in the great +demoralization of the land he kept up his appearance. That's backbone. +His starched collars and got-up shirt-fronts were achievements of character. +He had been out nearly three years; and, later on, I could not help asking +him how he managed to sport such linen. He had just the faintest blush, +and said modestly, `I've been teaching one of the native women about +the station. It was difficult. She had a distaste for the work.' +This man had verily accomplished something. And he was devoted to his books, +which were in apple-pie order. + +"Everything else in the station was in a muddle,--heads, things, buildings. +Strings of dusty niggers with splay feet arrived and departed; a stream +of manufactured goods, rubbishy cottons, beads, and brass-wire set into +the depths of darkness, and in return came a precious trickle of ivory. + +"I had to wait in the station for ten days--an eternity. +I lived in a hut in the yard, but to be out of the chaos +I would sometimes get into the accountant's office. +It was built of horizontal planks, and so badly put together that, +as he bent over his high desk, he was barred from neck +to heels with narrow strips of sunlight. There was no need +to open the big shutter to see. It was hot there too; +big flies buzzed fiendishly, and did not sting, but stabbed. +I sat generally on the floor, while, of faultless appearance +(and even slightly scented), perching on a high stool, +he wrote, he wrote. Sometimes he stood up for exercise. +When a truckle-bed with a sick man (some invalided agent +from up-country) was put in there, he exhibited a gentle annoyance. +`The groans of this sick person,' he said, distract my attention. +And without that it is extremely difficult to guard against +clerical errors in this climate.' + +"One day he remarked, without lifting his head, `In the +interior you will no doubt meet Mr. Kurtz.' On my asking +who Mr. Kurtz was, he said he was a first-class agent; +and seeing my disappointment at this information, he added slowly, +laying down his pen, `He is a very remarkable person.' +Further questions elicited from him that Mr. Kurtz was at +present in charge of a trading post, a very important one, +in the true ivory-country, at `the very bottom of there. +Sends in as much ivory as all the others put together. +. . .' He began to write again. The sick man was too ill to groan. +The flies buzzed in a great peace. + +"Suddenly there was a growing murmur of voices and a great +tramping of feet. A caravan had come in. A violent babble +of uncouth sounds burst out on the other side of the planks. +All the carriers were speaking together, and in the midst of the uproar +the lamentable voice of the chief agent was heard `giving it up' +tearfully for the twentieth time that day. . . . He rose slowly. +`What a frightful row,' he said. He crossed the room gently +to look at the sick man, and returning, said to me, `He does +not hear.' `What! Dead?' I asked, startled. `No, not yet,' +he answered, with great composure. Then, alluding with a toss +of the head to the tumult in the station-yard, `When one has +got to make correct entries, one comes to hate those savages-- +hate them to the death.' He remained thoughtful for a moment. +`When you see Mr. Kurtz,' he went on, `tell him from me that +everything here'--he glanced at the desk--'is very satisfactory. +I don't like to write to him--with those messengers of ours +you never know who may get hold of your letter--at that +Central Station.' He stared at me for a moment with his mild, +bulging eyes. `Oh, he will go far, very far,' he began again. +`He will be a somebody in the Administration before long. +They, above--the Council in Europe, you know--mean him to be.' + +"He turned to his work. The noise outside had ceased, +and presently in going out I stopped at the door. +In the steady buzz of flies the homeward-bound agent was lying +flushed and insensible; the other, bent over his books, +was making correct entries of perfectly correct transactions; +and fifty feet below the doorstep I could see the still tree-tops +of the grove of death. + +"Next day I left that station at last, with a caravan of sixty men, +for a two-hundred-mile tramp. + +"No use telling you much about that. Paths, paths, everywhere; +a stamped-in network of paths spreading over the empty land, +through long grass, through burnt grass, through thickets, +down and up chilly ravines, up and down stony hills ablaze +with heat; and a solitude, a solitude, nobody, not a hut. +The population had cleared out a long time ago. Well, if a lot +of mysterious niggers armed with all kinds of fearful weapons +suddenly took to traveling on the road between Deal and Gravesend, +catching the yokels right and left to carry heavy loads +for them, I fancy every farm and cottage thereabouts would +get empty very soon. Only here the dwellings were gone too. +Still I passed through several abandoned villages. +There's something pathetically childish in the ruins of grass walls. +Day after day, with the stamp and shuffle of sixty pair +of bare feet behind me, each pair under a 60-lb. load. +Camp, cook, sleep, strike camp, march. Now and then a carrier +dead in harness, at rest in the long grass near the path, +with an empty water-gourd and his long staff lying by his side. +A great silence around and above. Perhaps on some quiet night +the tremor of far-off drums, sinking, swelling, a tremor vast, faint; +a sound weird, appealing, suggestive, and wild--and perhaps with as +profound a meaning as the sound of bells in a Christian country. +Once a white man in an unbuttoned uniform, camping on the path +with an armed escort of lank Zanzibaris, very hospitable and festive-- +not to say drunk. Was looking after the upkeep of the road, +he declared. Can't say I saw any road or any upkeep, +unless the body of a middle-aged negro, with a bullet-hole +in the forehead, upon which I absolutely stumbled three miles +farther on, may be considered as a permanent improvement. +I had a white companion too, not a bad chap, but rather too fleshy +and with the exasperating habit of fainting on the hot hillsides, +miles away from the least bit of shade and water. Annoying, you know, +to hold your own coat like a parasol over a man's head +while he is coming-to. I couldn't help asking him once what +he meant by coming there at all. `To make money, of course. +What do you think?' he said, scornfully. Then he got fever, +and had to be carried in a hammock slung under a pole. +As he weighed sixteen stone I had no end of rows with the carriers. +They jibbed, ran away, sneaked off with their loads in the night-- +quite a mutiny. So, one evening, I made a speech in English +with gestures, not one of which was lost to the sixty pairs of eyes +before me, and the next morning I started the hammock off in front +all right. An hour afterwards I came upon the whole concern +wrecked in a bush--man, hammock, groans, blankets, horrors. +The heavy pole had skinned his poor nose. He was very anxious for me +to kill somebody, but there wasn't the shadow of a carrier near. +I remembered the old doctor,--'It would be interesting for science +to watch the mental changes of individuals, on the spot.' +I felt I was becoming scientifically interesting. +However, all that is to no purpose. On the fifteenth day +I came in sight of the big river again, and hobbled into +the Central Station. It was on a back water surrounded by scrub +and forest, with a pretty border of smelly mud on one side, +and on the three others inclosed by a crazy fence of rushes. +A neglected gap was all the gate it had, and the first glance +at the place was enough to let you see the flabby devil was +running that show. White men with long staves in their hands +appeared languidly from amongst the buildings, strolling up +to take a look at me, and then retired out of sight somewhere. +One of them, a stout, excitable chap with black mustaches, +informed me with great volubility and many digressions, as soon as I +told him who I was, that my steamer was at the bottom of the river. +I was thunderstruck. What, how, why? Oh, it was `all right.' +The `manager himself' was there. All quite correct. +`Everybody had behaved splendidly! splendidly!'--'you must,' +he said in agitation, `go and see the general manager at once. +He is waiting!' + +"I did not see the real significance of that wreck at once. +I fancy I see it now, but I am not sure--not at all. +Certainly the affair was too stupid--when I think of it--to be +altogether natural. Still. . . . But at the moment it presented +itself simply as a confounded nuisance. The steamer was sunk. +They had started two days before in a sudden hurry up the river +with the manager on board, in charge of some volunteer skipper, +and before they had been out three hours they tore the bottom +out of her on stones, and she sank near the south bank. +I asked myself what I was to do there, now my boat was lost. +As a matter of fact, I had plenty to do in fishing my command +out of the river. I had to set about it the very next day. +That, and the repairs when I brought the pieces to the station, +took some months. + +"My first interview with the manager was curious. He did not +ask me to sit down after my twenty-mile walk that morning. +He was commonplace in complexion, in features, in manners, and in voice. +He was of middle size and of ordinary build. His eyes, of the usual blue, +were perhaps remarkably cold, and he certainly could make his glance +fall on one as trenchant and heavy as an ax. But even at these +times the rest of his person seemed to disclaim the intention. +Otherwise there was only an indefinable, faint expression of his lips, +something stealthy--a smile--not a smile--I remember it, but I +can't explain. It was unconscious, this smile was, though just +after he had said something it got intensified for an instant. +It came at the end of his speeches like a seal applied on the words to make +the meaning of the commonest phrase appear absolutely inscrutable. +He was a common trader, from his youth up employed in these parts-- +nothing more. He was obeyed, yet he inspired neither love nor fear, +nor even respect. He inspired uneasiness. That was it! +Uneasiness. Not a definite mistrust--just uneasiness--nothing more. +You have no idea how effective such a . . . a . . . faculty can be. +He had no genius for organizing, for initiative, or for order even. +That was evident in such things as the deplorable state of the station. +He had no learning, and no intelligence. His position had come +to him--why? Perhaps because he was never ill . . . He had served +three terms of three years out there . . . Because triumphant health +in the general rout of constitutions is a kind of power in itself. +When he went home on leave he rioted on a large scale--pompously. +Jack ashore--with a difference--in externals only. +This one could gather from his casual talk. He originated nothing, +he could keep the routine going--that's all. But he was great. +He was great by this little thing that it was impossible to tell +what could control such a man. He never gave that secret away. +Perhaps there was nothing within him. Such a suspicion made one pause-- +for out there there were no external checks. Once when various +tropical diseases had laid low almost every `agent' in the station, +he was heard to say, `Men who come out here should have no entrails.' +He sealed the utterance with that smile of his, as though it +had been a door opening into a darkness he had in his keeping. +You fancied you had seen things--but the seal was on. +When annoyed at meal-times by the constant quarrels of the white +men about precedence, he ordered an immense round table to be made, +for which a special house had to be built. This was the station's +mess-room. Where he sat was the first place--the rest were nowhere. +One felt this to be his unalterable conviction. He was neither civil +nor uncivil. He was quiet. He allowed his `boy'--an overfed young +negro from the coast--to treat the white men, under his very eyes, +with provoking insolence. + +"He began to speak as soon as he saw me. I had been very long +on the road. He could not wait. Had to start without me. +The up-river stations had to be relieved. There had been so many +delays already that he did not know who was dead and who was alive, +and how they got on--and so on, and so on. He paid no attention +to my explanations, and, playing with a stick of sealing-wax, repeated +several times that the situation was `very grave, very grave.' +There were rumors that a very important station was in jeopardy, +and its chief, Mr. Kurtz, was ill. Hoped it was not true. +Mr. Kurtz was . . . I felt weary and irritable. Hang Kurtz, I thought. +I interrupted him by saying I had heard of Mr. Kurtz on the coast. +`Ah! So they talk of him down there,' he murmured to himself. +Then he began again, assuring me Mr. Kurtz was the best agent he had, +an exceptional man, of the greatest importance to the Company; +therefore I could understand his anxiety. He was, he said, +`very, very uneasy.' Certainly he fidgeted on his chair a +good deal, exclaimed, `Ah, Mr. Kurtz!' broke the stick of sealing-wax +and seemed dumbfounded by the accident. Next thing he wanted +to know `how long it would take to' . . . I interrupted him again. +Being hungry, you know, and kept on my feet too, I was getting savage. +`How could I tell,' I said. `I hadn't even seen the wreck yet-- +some months, no doubt.' All this talk seemed to me so futile. +`Some months,' he said. `Well, let us say three months before we +can make a start. Yes. That ought to do the affair.' I flung out +of his hut (he lived all alone in a clay hut with a sort of veranda) +muttering to myself my opinion of him. He was a chattering idiot. +Afterwards I took it back when it was borne in upon me startlingly +with what extreme nicety he had estimated the time requisite +for the `affair.' + +"I went to work the next day, turning, so to speak, my back +on that station. In that way only it seemed to me I could +keep my hold on the redeeming facts of life. Still, one must +look about sometimes; and then I saw this station, these men +strolling aimlessly about in the sunshine of the yard. +I asked myself sometimes what it all meant. They wandered +here and there with their absurd long staves in their hands, +like a lot of faithless pilgrims bewitched inside a rotten fence. +The word `ivory' rang in the air, was whispered, was sighed. +You would think they were praying to it. A taint of imbecile +rapacity blew through it all, like a whiff from some corpse. +By Jove! I've never seen anything so unreal in my life. +And outside, the silent wilderness surrounding this cleared +speck on the earth struck me as something great and invincible, +like evil or truth, waiting patiently for the passing away +of this fantastic invasion. + +"Oh, these months! Well, never mind. Various things happened. +One evening a grass shed full of calico, cotton prints, beads, and I don't +know what else, burst into a blaze so suddenly that you would have thought +the earth had opened to let an avenging fire consume all that trash. +I was smoking my pipe quietly by my dismantled steamer, and saw +them all cutting capers in the light, with their arms lifted high, +when the stout man with mustaches came tearing down to the river, a tin +pail in his hand, assured me that everybody was `behaving splendidly, +splendidly,' dipped about a quart of water and tore back again. +I noticed there was a hole in the bottom of his pail. + +"I strolled up. There was no hurry. You see the thing had gone off +like a box of matches. It had been hopeless from the very first. +The flame had leaped high, driven everybody back, lighted up everything-- +and collapsed. The shed was already a heap of embers glowing fiercely. +A nigger was being beaten near by. They said he had caused the fire +in some way; be that as it may, he was screeching most horribly. +I saw him, later on, for several days, sitting in a bit of shade looking +very sick and trying to recover himself: afterwards he arose and went out-- +and the wilderness without a sound took him into its bosom again. +As I approached the glow from the dark I found myself at the back of +two men, talking. I heard the name of Kurtz pronounced, then the words, `take +advantage of this unfortunate accident.' One of the men was the manager. +I wished him a good evening. `Did you ever see anything like it-- +eh? it is incredible,' he said, and walked off. The other man remained. +He was a first-class agent, young, gentlemanly, a bit reserved, +with a forked little beard and a hooked nose. He was stand-offish +with the other agents, and they on their side said he was the manager's +spy upon them. As to me, I had hardly ever spoken to him before. +We got into talk, and by-and-by we strolled away from the hissing ruins. +Then he asked me to his room, which was in the main building of the station. +He struck a match, and I perceived that this young aristocrat had not only +a silver-mounted dressing-case but also a whole candle all to himself. +Just at that time the manager was the only man supposed to have any +right to candles. Native mats covered the clay walls; a collection +of spears, assegais, shields, knives was hung up in trophies. +The business intrusted to this fellow was the making of bricks-- +so I had been informed; but there wasn't a fragment of a brick anywhere +in the station, and he had been there more than a year--waiting. It seems +he could not make bricks without something, I don't know what--straw maybe. +Anyways, it could not be found there, and as it was not likely to be sent +from Europe, it did not appear clear to me what he was waiting for. +An act of special creation perhaps. However, they were all waiting-- +all the sixteen or twenty pilgrims of them--for something; and upon +my word it did not seem an uncongenial occupation, from the way they +took it, though the only thing that ever came to them was disease-- +as far as I could see. They beguiled the time by backbiting and +intriguing against each other in a foolish kind of way. There was an air +of plotting about that station, but nothing came of it, of course. +It was as unreal as everything else--as the philanthropic pretense of the +whole concern, as their talk, as their government, as their show of work. +The only real feeling was a desire to get appointed to a trading-post +where ivory was to be had, so that they could earn percentages. +They intrigued and slandered and hated each other only on that account,-- +but as to effectually lifting a little finger--oh, no. By heavens! there +is something after all in the world allowing one man to steal a horse +while another must not look at a halter. Steal a horse straight out. +Very well. He has done it. Perhaps he can ride. But there is a way +of looking at a halter that would provoke the most charitable of saints +into a kick. + +"I had no idea why he wanted to be sociable, but as we chatted in there +it suddenly occurred to me the fellow was trying to get at something-- +in fact, pumping me. He alluded constantly to Europe, to the people I was +supposed to know there--putting leading questions as to my acquaintances +in the sepulchral city, and so on. His little eyes glittered like mica discs-- +with curiosity,--though he tried to keep up a bit of superciliousness. +At first I was astonished, but very soon I became awfully curious +to see what he would find out from me. I couldn't possibly imagine +what I had in me to make it worth his while. It was very pretty to see +how he baffled himself, for in truth my body was full of chills, +and my head had nothing in it but that wretched steamboat business. +It was evident he took me for a perfectly shameless prevaricator. +At last he got angry, and to conceal a movement of furious annoyance, +he yawned. I rose. Then I noticed a small sketch in oils, on a panel, +representing a woman, draped and blindfolded, carrying a lighted torch. +The background was somber--almost black. The movement of the woman +was stately, and the effect of the torchlight on the face was sinister. + +"It arrested me, and he stood by civilly, holding a half-pint champagne bottle +(medical comforts) with the candle stuck in it. To my question he said +Mr. Kurtz had painted this--in this very station more than a year ago-- +while waiting for means to go to his trading-post. `Tell me, pray,' said I, +`who is this Mr. Kurtz?' + +"`The chief of the Inner Station,' he answered in a short tone, +looking away. `Much obliged,' I said, laughing. `And you are +the brickmaker of the Central Station. Everyone knows that.' +He was silent for a while. `He is a prodigy,' he said at last. +`He is an emissary of pity, and science, and progress, and devil +knows what else. We want,' he began to declaim suddenly, +`for the guidance of the cause intrusted to us by Europe, so to speak, +higher intelligence, wide sympathies, a singleness of purpose.' +`Who says that?' I asked. `Lots of them,' he replied. +`Some even write that; and so HE comes here, a special being, +as you ought to know.' `Why ought I to know?' I interrupted, +really surprised. He paid no attention. `Yes. To-day he is chief +of the best station, next year he will be assistant-manager, +two years more and . . . but I dare say you know what he will be +in two years' time. You are of the new gang--the gang of virtue. +The same people who sent him specially also recommended you. +Oh, don't say no. I've my own eyes to trust.' Light dawned upon me. +My dear aunt's influential acquaintances were producing an unexpected +effect upon that young man. I nearly burst into a laugh. +`Do you read the Company's confidential correspondence?' +I asked. He hadn't a word to say. It was great fun. +`When Mr. Kurtz,' I continued severely, `is General Manager, +you won't have the opportunity.' + +"He blew the candle out suddenly, and we went outside. +The moon had risen. Black figures strolled about listlessly, +pouring water on the glow, whence proceeded a sound of hissing; +steam ascended in the moonlight, the beaten nigger groaned somewhere. +`What a row the brute makes!' said the indefatigable man +with the mustaches, appearing near us. `Serve him right. +Transgression--punishment--bang! Pitiless, pitiless. +That's the only way. This will prevent all conflagrations +for the future. I was just telling the manager . . .' He +noticed my companion, and became crestfallen all at once. +`Not in bed yet,' he said, with a kind of servile heartiness; +`it's so natural. Ha! Danger--agitation.' He vanished. +I went on to the river-side, and the other followed me. +I heard a scathing murmur at my ear, `Heap of muffs--go to.' +The pilgrims could be seen in knots gesticulating, discussing. +Several had still their staves in their hands. I verily believe they +took these sticks to bed with them. Beyond the fence the forest +stood up spectrally in the moonlight, and through the dim stir, +through the faint sounds of that lamentable courtyard, the silence +of the land went home to one's very heart,--its mystery, +its greatness, the amazing reality of its concealed life. +The hurt nigger moaned feebly somewhere near by, and then +fetched a deep sigh that made me mend my pace away from there. +I felt a hand introducing itself under my arm. `My dear sir,' +said the fellow, `I don't want to be misunderstood, and especially +by you, who will see Mr. Kurtz long before I can have that pleasure. +I wouldn't like him to get a false idea of my disposition. +. . .' + +"I let him run on, this papier-mache Mephistopheles, and it seemed +to me that if I tried I could poke my forefinger through him, +and would find nothing inside but a little loose dirt, maybe. +He, don't you see, had been planning to be assistant-manager +by-and-by under the present man, and I could see that +the coming of that Kurtz had upset them both not a little. +He talked precipitately, and I did not try to stop him. +I had my shoulders against the wreck of my steamer, hauled up +on the slope like a carcass of some big river animal. +The smell of mud, of primeval mud, by Jove! was in my nostrils, +the high stillness of primeval forest was before my eyes; +there were shiny patches on the black creek. +The moon had spread over everything a thin layer of silver-- +over the rank grass, over the mud, upon the wall of matted +vegetation standing higher than the wall of a temple, +over the great river I could see through a somber gap glittering, +glittering, as it flowed broadly by without a murmur. +All this was great, expectant, mute, while the man jabbered +about himself. I wondered whether the stillness on the face +of the immensity looking at us two were meant as an appeal +or as a menace. What were we who had strayed in here? +Could we handle that dumb thing, or would it handle us? +I felt how big, how confoundedly big, was that thing that +couldn't talk, and perhaps was deaf as well. What was in there? +I could see a little ivory coming out from there, and I had +heard Mr. Kurtz was in there. I had heard enough about it too-- +God knows! Yet somehow it didn't bring any image with it-- +no more than if I had been told an angel or a fiend was in there. +I believed it in the same way one of you might believe there are +inhabitants in the planet Mars. I knew once a Scotch sailmaker +who was certain, dead sure, there were people in Mars. If you +asked him for some idea how they looked and behaved, he would +get shy and mutter something about `walking on all-fours.' +If you as much as smiled, he would--though a man of sixty-- +offer to fight you. I would not have gone so far as to +fight for Kurtz, but I went for him near enough to a lie. +You know I hate, detest, and can't bear a lie, not because I am +straighter than the rest of us, but simply because it appalls me. +There is a taint of death, a flavor of mortality in lies,-- +which is exactly what I hate and detest in the world-- +what I want to forget. It makes me miserable and sick, +like biting something rotten would do. Temperament, I suppose. +Well, I went near enough to it by letting the young fool +there believe anything he liked to imagine as to my influence +in Europe. I became in an instant as much of a pretense as the rest +of the bewitched pilgrims. This simply because I had a notion +it somehow would be of help to that Kurtz whom at the time +I did not see--you understand. He was just a word for me. +I did not see the man in the name any more than you do. +Do you see him? Do you see the story? Do you see anything? +It seems to me I am trying to tell you a dream--making a vain attempt, +because no relation of a dream can convey the dream-sensation, +that commingling of absurdity, surprise, and bewilderment +in a tremor of struggling revolt, that notion of being captured +by the incredible which is of the very essence of dreams. +. . ." + +He was silent for a while. + +". . . No, it is impossible; it is impossible to convey the life-sensation +of any given epoch of one's existence,--that which makes its truth, +its meaning--its subtle and penetrating essence. It is impossible. +We live, as we dream--alone. . . ." + +He paused again as if reflecting, then added-- + +"Of course in this you fellows see more than I could then. +You see me, whom you know. . . ." + +It had become so pitch dark that we listeners could hardly see +one another. For a long time already he, sitting apart, had been +no more to us than a voice. There was not a word from anybody. +The others might have been asleep, but I was awake. +I listened, I listened on the watch for the sentence, for the word, +that would give me the clew to the faint uneasiness inspired +by this narrative that seemed to shape itself without human +lips in the heavy night-air of the river. + +". . . Yes--I let him run on," Marlow began again, "and think +what he pleased about the powers that were behind me. I did! +And there was nothing behind me! There was nothing but that wretched, +old, mangled steamboat I was leaning against, while he talked +fluently about `the necessity for every man to get on.' `And when +one comes out here, you conceive, it is not to gaze at the moon.' +Mr. Kurtz was a `universal genius,' but even a genius would +find it easier to work with `adequate tools--intelligent men.' +He did not make bricks--why, there was a physical impossibility +in the way--as I was well aware; and if he did secretarial +work for the manager, it was because `no sensible man rejects +wantonly the confidence of his superiors.' Did I see it? +I saw it. What more did I want? What I really wanted was rivets, +by heaven! Rivets. To get on with the work--to stop the hole. +Rivets I wanted. There were cases of them down at the coast-- +cases--piled up--burst--split! You kicked a loose rivet +at every second step in that station yard on the hillside. +Rivets had rolled into the grove of death. You could fill +your pockets with rivets for the trouble of stooping down-- +and there wasn't one rivet to be found where it was wanted. +We had plates that would do, but nothing to fasten them with. +And every week the messenger, a lone negro, letter-bag on +shoulder and staff in hand, left our station for the coast. +And several times a week a coast caravan came in with trade goods,-- +ghastly glazed calico that made you shudder only to look at it, +glass beads value about a penny a quart, confounded spotted +cotton handkerchiefs. And no rivets. Three carriers could +have brought all that was wanted to set that steamboat afloat. + +"He was becoming confidential now, but I fancy my unresponsive +attitude must have exasperated him at last, for he judged it necessary +to inform me he feared neither God nor devil, let alone any mere man. +I said I could see that very well, but what I wanted was a certain +quantity of rivets--and rivets were what really Mr. Kurtz wanted, +if he had only known it. Now letters went to the coast every week. +. . . `My dear sir,' he cried, `I write from dictation.' +I demanded rivets. There was a way--for an intelligent man. +He changed his manner; became very cold, and suddenly began to talk +about a hippopotamus; wondered whether sleeping on board the steamer +(I stuck to my salvage night and day) I wasn't disturbed. +There was an old hippo that had the bad habit of getting out +on the bank and roaming at night over the station grounds. +The pilgrims used to turn out in a body and empty every rifle they +could lay hands on at him. Some even had sat up o' nights for him. +All this energy was wasted, though. `That animal has a charmed life,' +he said; `but you can say this only of brutes in this country. +No man--you apprehend me?--no man here bears a charmed life.' +He stood there for a moment in the moonlight with his delicate +hooked nose set a little askew, and his mica eyes glittering +without a wink, then, with a curt Good night, he strode off. +I could see he was disturbed and considerably puzzled, +which made me feel more hopeful than I had been for days. +It was a great comfort to turn from that chap to my influential +friend, the battered, twisted, ruined, tin-pot steamboat. +I clambered on board. She rang under my feet like an empty +Huntley & Palmer biscuit-tin kicked along a gutter; she was +nothing so solid in make, and rather less pretty in shape, +but I had expended enough hard work on her to make me love her. +No influential friend would have served me better. She had given +me a chance to come out a bit--to find out what I could do. +No, I don't like work. I had rather laze about and think of all +the fine things that can be done. I don't like work--no man does-- +but I like what is in the work,--the chance to find yourself. +Your own reality--for yourself, not for others--what no other man +can ever know. They can only see the mere show, and never can +tell what it really means. + +"I was not surprised to see somebody sitting aft, on the deck, +with his legs dangling over the mud. You see I rather chummed with +the few mechanics there were in that station, whom the other pilgrims +naturally despised--on account of their imperfect manners, I suppose. +This was the foreman--a boiler-maker by trade--a good worker. +He was a lank, bony, yellow-faced man, with big intense eyes. +His aspect was worried, and his head was as bald as the palm of my hand; +but his hair in falling seemed to have stuck to his chin, and had +prospered in the new locality, for his beard hung down to his waist. +He was a widower with six young children (he had left them in charge +of a sister of his to come out there), and the passion of his +life was pigeon-flying. He was an enthusiast and a connoisseur. +He would rave about pigeons. After work hours he used sometimes to come +over from his hut for a talk about his children and his pigeons; at work, +when he had to crawl in the mud under the bottom of the steamboat, +he would tie up that beard of his in a kind of white serviette +he brought for the purpose. It had loops to go over his ears. +In the evening he could be seen squatted on the bank rinsing that +wrapper in the creek with great care, then spreading it solemnly +on a bush to dry. + +"I slapped him on the back and shouted, `We shall have rivets!' +He scrambled to his feet exclaiming `No! Rivets!' as though +he couldn't believe his ears. Then in a low voice, `You . . . eh?' +I don't know why we behaved like lunatics. I put my finger +to the side of my nose and nodded mysteriously. `Good for you!' +he cried, snapped his fingers above his head, lifting one foot. +I tried a jig. We capered on the iron deck. A frightful clatter came +out of that hulk, and the virgin forest on the other bank of the creek +sent it back in a thundering roll upon the sleeping station. +It must have made some of the pilgrims sit up in their hovels. +A dark figure obscured the lighted doorway of the manager's hut, +vanished, then, a second or so after, the doorway itself vanished too. +We stopped, and the silence driven away by the stamping +of our feet flowed back again from the recesses of the land. +The great wall of vegetation, an exuberant and entangled mass of trunks, +branches, leaves, boughs, festoons, motionless in the moonlight, +was like a rioting invasion of soundless life, a rolling wave +of plants, piled up, crested, ready to topple over the creek, +to sweep every little man of us out of his little existence. +And it moved not. A deadened burst of mighty splashes and snorts +reached us from afar, as though an ichthyosaurus had been taking a bath +of glitter in the great river. `After all,' said the boiler-maker +in a reasonable tone, `why shouldn't we get the rivets?' +Why not, indeed! I did not know of any reason why we shouldn't. +`They'll come in three weeks,' I said confidently. + +"But they didn't. Instead of rivets there came an invasion, +an infliction, a visitation. It came in sections during +the next three weeks, each section headed by a donkey carrying +a white man in new clothes and tan shoes, bowing from +that elevation right and left to the impressed pilgrims. +A quarrelsome band of footsore sulky niggers trod on the heels +of the donkeys; a lot of tents, camp-stools, tin boxes, white cases, +brown bales would be shot down in the courtyard, and the air +of mystery would deepen a little over the muddle of the station. +Five such installments came, with their absurd air of +disorderly flight with the loot of innumerable outfit shops +and provision stores, that, one would think, they were lugging, +after a raid, into the wilderness for equitable division. +It was an inextricable mess of things decent in themselves +but that human folly made look like the spoils of thieving. + +"This devoted band called itself the Eldorado Exploring Expedition, +and I believe they were sworn to secrecy. Their talk, however, +was the talk of sordid buccaneers: it was reckless without hardihood, +greedy without audacity, and cruel without courage; there was not an atom +of foresight or of serious intention in the whole batch of them, and they +did not seem aware these things are wanted for the work of the world. +To tear treasure out of the bowels of the land was their desire, with no +more moral purpose at the back of it than there is in burglars breaking +into a safe. Who paid the expenses of the noble enterprise I don't know; +but the uncle of our manager was leader of that lot. + +"In exterior he resembled a butcher in a poor neighborhood, +and his eyes had a look of sleepy cunning. He carried his fat +paunch with ostentation on his short legs, and during the time +his gang infested the station spoke to no one but his nephew. +You could see these two roaming about all day long with their +heads close together in an everlasting confab. + +"I had given up worrying myself about the rivets. +One's capacity for that kind of folly is more limited than +you would suppose. I said Hang!--and let things slide. +I had plenty of time for meditation, and now and then I would +give some thought to Kurtz. I wasn't very interested in him. +No. Still, I was curious to see whether this man, who had come +out equipped with moral ideas of some sort, would climb to the top +after all, and how he would set about his work when there." + + +II + + +"One evening as I was lying flat on the deck of my steamboat, +I heard voices approaching--and there were the nephew and the uncle +strolling along the bank. I laid my head on my arm again, +and had nearly lost myself in a doze, when somebody said in my ear, +as it were: `I am as harmless as a little child, but I don't +like to be dictated to. Am I the manager--or am I not? +I was ordered to send him there. It's incredible.' +. . . I became aware that the two were standing on the shore +alongside the forepart of the steamboat, just below my head. +I did not move; it did not occur to me to move: I was sleepy. +`It IS unpleasant,' grunted the uncle. `He has asked the +Administration to be sent there,' said the other, `with the idea +of showing what he could do; and I was instructed accordingly. +Look at the influence that man must have. Is it not frightful?' +They both agreed it was frightful, then made several bizarre remarks: +`Make rain and fine weather--one man--the Council--by the nose'-- +bits of absurd sentences that got the better of my drowsiness, +so that I had pretty near the whole of my wits about me when the +uncle said, `The climate may do away with this difficulty for you. +Is he alone there?' `Yes,' answered the manager; `he sent +his assistant down the river with a note to me in these terms: +"Clear this poor devil out of the country, and don't +bother sending more of that sort. I had rather be alone +than have the kind of men you can dispose of with me." +It was more than a year ago. Can you imagine such impudence!' +`Anything since then?' asked the other, hoarsely. `Ivory,' jerked +the nephew; `lots of it--prime sort--lots--most annoying, +from him.' `And with that?' questioned the heavy rumble. +`Invoice,' was the reply fired out, so to speak. Then silence. +They had been talking about Kurtz. + +"I was broad awake by this time, but, lying perfectly at ease, +remained still, having no inducement to change my position. +`How did that ivory come all this way?' growled the elder man, +who seemed very vexed. The other explained that it had come +with a fleet of canoes in charge of an English half-caste +clerk Kurtz had with him; that Kurtz had apparently intended +to return himself, the station being by that time bare +of goods and stores, but after coming three hundred miles, +had suddenly decided to go back, which he started to do alone +in a small dug-out with four paddlers, leaving the half-caste +to continue down the river with the ivory. The two fellows +there seemed astounded at anybody attempting such a thing. +They were at a loss for an adequate motive. As to me, I seemed +to see Kurtz for the first time. It was a distinct glimpse: +the dug-out, four paddling savages, and the lone white man +turning his back suddenly on the headquarters, on relief, +on thoughts of home--perhaps; setting his face towards the depths +of the wilderness, towards his empty and desolate station. +I did not know the motive. Perhaps he was just simply a fine +fellow who stuck to his work for its own sake. His name, +you understand, had not been pronounced once. He was `that man.' +The half-caste, who, as far as I could see, had conducted +a difficult trip with great prudence and pluck, was invariably +alluded to as `that scoundrel.' The `scoundrel' had reported +that the `man' had been very ill--had recovered imperfectly. +. . . The two below me moved away then a few paces, +and strolled back and forth at some little distance. I heard: +`Military post--doctor--two hundred miles--quite alone now-- +unavoidable delays--nine months--no news--strange rumors.' +They approached again, just as the manager was saying, `No one, +as far as I know, unless a species of wandering trader-- +a pestilential fellow, snapping ivory from the natives.' +Who was it they were talking about now? I gathered in snatches +that this was some man supposed to be in Kurtz's district, and of whom +the manager did not approve. `We will not be free from unfair +competition till one of these fellows is hanged for an example,' +he said. `Certainly,' grunted the other; `get him hanged! +Why not? Anything--anything can be done in this country. +That's what I say; nobody here, you understand, HERE, can endanger +your position. And why? You stand the climate--you outlast them all. +The danger is in Europe; but there before I left I took care to--' +They moved off and whispered, then their voices rose again. +`The extraordinary series of delays is not my fault. +I did my possible.' The fat man sighed, `Very sad.' +`And the pestiferous absurdity of his talk,' continued the other; +`he bothered me enough when he was here. "Each station +should be like a beacon on the road towards better things, +a center for trade of course, but also for humanizing, +improving, instructing." Conceive you--that ass! +And he wants to be manager! No, it's--' Here he got choked +by excessive indignation, and I lifted my head the least bit. +I was surprised to see how near they were--right under me. +I could have spat upon their hats. They were looking on the ground, +absorbed in thought. The manager was switching his leg +with a slender twig: his sagacious relative lifted his head. +`You have been well since you came out this time?' he asked. +The other gave a start. `Who? I? Oh! Like a charm--like a charm. +But the rest--oh, my goodness! All sick. They die so quick, +too, that I haven't the time to send them out of the country-- +it's incredible!' `H'm. Just so,' grunted the uncle. +`Ah! my boy, trust to this--I say, trust to this.' +I saw him extend his short flipper of an arm for a gesture +that took in the forest, the creek, the mud, the river,-- +seemed to beckon with a dishonoring flourish before the sunlit +face of the land a treacherous appeal to the lurking death, +to the hidden evil, to the profound darkness of its heart. +It was so startling that I leaped to my feet and looked +back at the edge of the forest, as though I had expected +an answer of some sort to that black display of confidence. +You know the foolish notions that come to one sometimes. +The high stillness confronted these two figures with its ominous +patience, waiting for the passing away of a fantastic invasion. + +"They swore aloud together--out of sheer fright, I believe--then pretending +not to know anything of my existence, turned back to the station. +The sun was low; and leaning forward side by side, they seemed to be +tugging painfully uphill their two ridiculous shadows of unequal length, +that trailed behind them slowly over the tall grass without bending +a single blade. + +"In a few days the Eldorado Expedition went into the patient +wilderness, that closed upon it as the sea closes over a diver. +Long afterwards the news came that all the donkeys were dead. +I know nothing as to the fate of the less valuable animals. +They, no doubt, like the rest of us, found what they deserved. +I did not inquire. I was then rather excited at the prospect of meeting +Kurtz very soon. When I say very soon I mean it comparatively. +It was just two months from the day we left the creek when we +came to the bank below Kurtz's station. + +"Going up that river was like traveling back to the earliest beginnings +of the world, when vegetation rioted on the earth and the big trees +were kings. An empty stream, a great silence, an impenetrable forest. +The air was warm, thick, heavy, sluggish. There was no joy +in the brilliance of sunshine. The long stretches of the waterway +ran on, deserted, into the gloom of overshadowed distances. +On silvery sandbanks hippos and alligators sunned themselves side by side. +The broadening waters flowed through a mob of wooded islands; +you lost your way on that river as you would in a desert, and butted +all day long against shoals, trying to find the channel, till you +thought yourself bewitched and cut off for ever from everything you +had known once--somewhere--far away--in another existence perhaps. +There were moments when one's past came back to one, as it +will sometimes when you have not a moment to spare to yourself; +but it came in the shape of an unrestful and noisy dream, +remembered with wonder amongst the overwhelming realities +of this strange world of plants, and water, and silence. +And this stillness of life did not in the least resemble a peace. +It was the stillness of an implacable force brooding over an +inscrutable intention. It looked at you with a vengeful aspect. +I got used to it afterwards; I did not see it any more; I had no time. +I had to keep guessing at the channel; I had to discern, mostly by +inspiration, the signs of hidden banks; I watched for sunken stones; +I was learning to clap my teeth smartly before my heart flew out, +when I shaved by a fluke some infernal sly old snag that would +have ripped the life out of the tin-pot steamboat and drowned +all the pilgrims; I had to keep a look-out for the signs of dead +wood we could cut up in the night for next day's steaming. +When you have to attend to things of that sort, to the mere incidents +of the surface, the reality--the reality, I tell you--fades. The inner +truth is hidden--luckily, luckily. But I felt it all the same; +I felt often its mysterious stillness watching me at my monkey tricks, +just as it watches you fellows performing on your respective +tight-ropes for--what is it? half-a-crown a tumble--" + +"Try to be civil, Marlow," growled a voice, and I knew there was at least +one listener awake besides myself. + +"I beg your pardon. I forgot the heartache which makes up +the rest of the price. And indeed what does the price matter, +if the trick be well done? You do your tricks very well. +And I didn't do badly either, since I managed not to sink +that steamboat on my first trip. It's a wonder to me yet. +Imagine a blindfolded man set to drive a van over a bad road. +I sweated and shivered over that business considerably, +I can tell you. After all, for a seaman, to scrape the bottom +of the thing that's supposed to float all the time under +his care is the unpardonable sin. No one may know of it, +but you never forget the thump--eh? A blow on the very heart. +You remember it, you dream of it, you wake up at night +and think of it--years after--and go hot and cold all over. +I don't pretend to say that steamboat floated all the time. +More than once she had to wade for a bit, with twenty cannibals +splashing around and pushing. We had enlisted some of these chaps +on the way for a crew. Fine fellows--cannibals--in their place. +They were men one could work with, and I am grateful to them. +And, after all, they did not eat each other before my face: +they had brought along a provision of hippo-meat which +went rotten, and made the mystery of the wilderness stink +in my nostrils. Phoo! I can sniff it now. I had the manager +on board and three or four pilgrims with their staves-- +all complete. Sometimes we came upon a station close by the bank, +clinging to the skirts of the unknown, and the white men +rushing out of a tumble-down hovel, with great gestures +of joy and surprise and welcome, seemed very strange,-- +had the appearance of being held there captive by a spell. +The word ivory would ring in the air for a while--and on we went +again into the silence, along empty reaches, round the still bends, +between the high walls of our winding way, reverberating in +hollow claps the ponderous beat of the stern-wheel. Trees, +trees, millions of trees, massive, immense, running up high; +and at their foot, hugging the bank against the stream, +crept the little begrimed steamboat, like a sluggish beetle +crawling on the floor of a lofty portico. It made you feel +very small, very lost, and yet it was not altogether depressing, +that feeling. After all, if you were small, the grimy +beetle crawled on--which was just what you wanted it to do. +Where the pilgrims imagined it crawled to I don't know. +To some place where they expected to get something, I bet! +For me it crawled toward Kurtz--exclusively; but when +the steam-pipes started leaking we crawled very slow. +The reaches opened before us and closed behind, as if the forest had +stepped leisurely across the water to bar the way for our return. +We penetrated deeper and deeper into the heart of darkness. +It was very quiet there. At night sometimes the roll +of drums behind the curtain of trees would run up the river +and remain sustained faintly, as if hovering in the air +high over our heads, till the first break of day. +Whether it meant war, peace, or prayer we could not tell. +The dawns were heralded by the descent of a chill stillness; +the woodcutters slept, their fires burned low; the snapping of a twig +would make you start. We were wanderers on a prehistoric earth, +on an earth that wore the aspect of an unknown planet. +We could have fancied ourselves the first of men taking +possession of an accursed inheritance, to be subdued at the cost +of profound anguish and of excessive toil. But suddenly, as we +struggled round a bend, there would be a glimpse of rush walls, +of peaked grass-roofs, a burst of yells, a whirl of black limbs, +a mass of hands clapping, of feet stamping, of bodies swaying, +of eyes rolling, under the droop of heavy and motionless foliage. +The steamer toiled along slowly on the edge of a black +and incomprehensible frenzy. The prehistoric man was +cursing us, praying to us, welcoming us--who could tell? +We were cut off from the comprehension of our surroundings; +we glided past like phantoms, wondering and secretly appalled, +as sane men would be before an enthusiastic outbreak in a madhouse. +We could not understand, because we were too far and could +not remember, because we were traveling in the night of +first ages, of those ages that are gone, leaving hardly a sign-- +and no memories. + +"The earth seemed unearthly. We are accustomed to look +upon the shackled form of a conquered monster, but there-- +there you could look at a thing monstrous and free. +It was unearthly, and the men were--No, they were not inhuman. +Well, you know, that was the worst of it--this suspicion +of their not being inhuman. It would come slowly to one. +They howled, and leaped, and spun, and made horrid faces; +but what thrilled you was just the thought of their humanity-- +like yours--the thought of your remote kinship with this +wild and passionate uproar. Ugly. Yes, it was ugly enough; +but if you were man enough you would admit to yourself +that there was in you just the faintest trace of a response +to the terrible frankness of that noise, a dim suspicion +of there being a meaning in it which you--you so remote from +the night of first ages--could comprehend. And why not? +The mind of man is capable of anything--because everything is in it, +all the past as well as all the future. What was there after all? +Joy, fear, sorrow, devotion, valor, rage--who can tell?-- +but truth--truth stripped of its cloak of time. Let the fool +gape and shudder--the man knows, and can look on without a wink. +But he must at least be as much of a man as these on the shore. +He must meet that truth with his own true stuff--with his +own inborn strength. Principles? Principles won't do. +Acquisitions, clothes, pretty rags--rags that would fly off +at the first good shake. No; you want a deliberate belief. +An appeal to me in this fiendish row--is there? Very well; +I hear; I admit, but I have a voice too, and for good or evil +mine is the speech that cannot be silenced. Of course, a fool, +what with sheer fright and fine sentiments, is always safe. +Who's that grunting? You wonder I didn't go ashore for a howl +and a dance? Well, no--I didn't. Fine sentiments, you say? +Fine sentiments, be hanged! I had no time. I had to mess +about with white-lead and strips of woolen blanket helping +to put bandages on those leaky steam-pipes--I tell you. +I had to watch the steering, and circumvent those snags, +and get the tin-pot along by hook or by crook. There was +surface-truth enough in these things to save a wiser man. +And between whiles I had to look after the savage who was fireman. +He was an improved specimen; he could fire up a vertical boiler. +He was there below me, and, upon my word, to look at him +was as edifying as seeing a dog in a parody of breeches +and a feather hat, walking on his hind-legs. A few +months of training had done for that really fine chap. +He squinted at the steam-gauge and at the water-gauge with an +evident effort of intrepidity--and he had filed teeth too, +the poor devil, and the wool of his pate shaved into queer +patterns, and three ornamental scars on each of his cheeks. +He ought to have been clapping his hands and stamping his +feet on the bank, instead of which he was hard at work, +a thrall to strange witchcraft, full of improving knowledge. +He was useful because he had been instructed; and what he knew +was this--that should the water in that transparent thing disappear, +the evil spirit inside the boiler would get angry through +the greatness of his thirst, and take a terrible vengeance. +So he sweated and fired up and watched the glass fearfully +(with an impromptu charm, made of rags, tied to his arm, and a +piece of polished bone, as big as a watch, stuck flatways through +his lower lip), while the wooded banks slipped past us slowly, +the short noise was left behind, the interminable miles of silence-- +and we crept on, towards Kurtz. But the snags were thick, +the water was treacherous and shallow, the boiler seemed indeed +to have a sulky devil in it, and thus neither that fireman nor +I had any time to peer into our creepy thoughts. + +"Some fifty miles below the Inner Station we came upon a hut of reeds, +an inclined and melancholy pole, with the unrecognizable tatters of what had +been a flag of some sort flying from it, and a neatly stacked woodpile. +This was unexpected. We came to the bank, and on the stack of firewood +found a flat piece of board with some faded pencil-writing on it. +When deciphered it said: `Wood for you. Hurry up. Approach cautiously.' +There was a signature, but it was illegible--not Kurtz--a much longer word. +`Hurry up.' Where? Up the river? `Approach cautiously.' +We had not done so. But the warning could not have been meant +for the place where it could be only found after approach. +Something was wrong above. But what--and how much? That was the question. +We commented adversely upon the imbecility of that telegraphic style. +The bush around said nothing, and would not let us look very far, either. +A torn curtain of red twill hung in the doorway of the hut, +and flapped sadly in our faces. The dwelling was dismantled; +but we could see a white man had lived there not very long ago. +There remained a rude table--a plank on two posts; a heap of rubbish +reposed in a dark corner, and by the door I picked up a book. +It had lost its covers, and the pages had been thumbed into a state +of extremely dirty softness; but the back had been lovingly +stitched afresh with white cotton thread, which looked clean yet. +It was an extraordinary find. Its title was, `An Inquiry into some +Points of Seamanship,' by a man Tower, Towson--some such name-- +Master in his Majesty's Navy. The matter looked dreary reading enough, +with illustrative diagrams and repulsive tables of figures, +and the copy was sixty years old. I handled this amazing antiquity with +the greatest possible tenderness, lest it should dissolve in my hands. +Within, Towson or Towser was inquiring earnestly into the breaking +strain of ships' chains and tackle, and other such matters. +Not a very enthralling book; but at the first glance you could see +there a singleness of intention, an honest concern for the right +way of going to work, which made these humble pages, thought out +so many years ago, luminous with another than a professional light. +The simple old sailor, with his talk of chains and purchases, +made me forget the jungle and the pilgrims in a delicious sensation +of having come upon something unmistakably real. Such a book being +there was wonderful enough; but still more astounding were the notes +penciled in the margin, and plainly referring to the text. I couldn't +believe my eyes! They were in cipher! Yes, it looked like cipher. +Fancy a man lugging with him a book of that description into this +nowhere and studying it--and making notes--in cipher at that! +It was an extravagant mystery. + +"I had been dimly aware for some time of a worrying noise, +and when I lifted my eyes I saw the wood-pile was gone, +and the manager, aided by all the pilgrims, was shouting at +me from the river-side. I slipped the book into my pocket. +I assure you to leave off reading was like tearing myself away +from the shelter of an old and solid friendship. + +"I started the lame engine ahead. `It must be this miserable trader-- +this intruder,' exclaimed the manager, looking back malevolently +at the place we had left. `He must be English,' I said. +`It will not save him from getting into trouble if he is not careful,' +muttered the manager darkly. I observed with assumed innocence +that no man was safe from trouble in this world. + +"The current was more rapid now, the steamer seemed at her +last gasp, the stern-wheel flopped languidly, and I caught myself +listening on tiptoe for the next beat of the boat, for in sober +truth I expected the wretched thing to give up every moment. +It was like watching the last flickers of a life. But still we crawled. +Sometimes I would pick out a tree a little way ahead to measure our +progress towards Kurtz by, but I lost it invariably before we got abreast. +To keep the eyes so long on one thing was too much for human patience. +The manager displayed a beautiful resignation. I fretted and fumed and took +to arguing with myself whether or no I would talk openly with Kurtz; +but before I could come to any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech +or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility. +What did it matter what anyone knew or ignored? What did it matter +who was manager? One gets sometimes such a flash of insight. +The essentials of this affair lay deep under the surface, beyond my reach, +and beyond my power of meddling. + +"Towards the evening of the second day we judged ourselves +about eight miles from Kurtz's station. I wanted to push on; +but the manager looked grave, and told me the navigation up +there was so dangerous that it would be advisable, the sun being +very low already, to wait where we were till next morning. +Moreover, he pointed out that if the warning to approach +cautiously were to be followed, we must approach in daylight-- +not at dusk, or in the dark. This was sensible enough. +Eight miles meant nearly three hours' steaming for us, and I +could also see suspicious ripples at the upper end of the reach. +Nevertheless, I was annoyed beyond expression at the delay, +and most unreasonably too, since one night more could not +matter much after so many months. As we had plenty of wood, +and caution was the word, I brought up in the middle of the stream. +The reach was narrow, straight, with high sides like a railway cutting. +The dusk came gliding into it long before the sun had set. +The current ran smooth and swift, but a dumb immobility sat +on the banks. The living trees, lashed together by the creepers +and every living bush of the undergrowth, might have been changed +into stone, even to the slenderest twig, to the lightest leaf. +It was not sleep--it seemed unnatural, like a state of trance. +Not the faintest sound of any kind could be heard. +You looked on amazed, and began to suspect yourself of being deaf-- +then the night came suddenly, and struck you blind as well. +About three in the morning some large fish leaped, and the loud +splash made me jump as though a gun had been fired. +When the sun rose there was a white fog, very warm and clammy, +and more blinding than the night. It did not shift or drive; +it was just there, standing all round you like something solid. +At eight or nine, perhaps, it lifted as a shutter lifts. +We had a glimpse of the towering multitude of trees, of the immense +matted jungle, with the blazing little ball of the sun hanging +over it--all perfectly still--and then the white shutter came +down again, smoothly, as if sliding in greased grooves. I ordered +the chain, which we had begun to heave in, to be paid out again. +Before it stopped running with a muffled rattle, a cry, a very loud cry, +as of infinite desolation, soared slowly in the opaque air. +It ceased. A complaining clamor, modulated in savage discords, +filled our ears. The sheer unexpectedness of it made my hair +stir under my cap. I don't know how it struck the others: +to me it seemed as though the mist itself had screamed, so suddenly, +and apparently from all sides at once, did this tumultuous +and mournful uproar arise. It culminated in a hurried outbreak +of almost intolerably excessive shrieking, which stopped short, +leaving us stiffened in a variety of silly attitudes, and obstinately +listening to the nearly as appalling and excessive silence. +`Good God! What is the meaning--?' stammered at my elbow one of +the pilgrims,--a little fat man, with sandy hair and red whiskers, +who wore side-spring boots, and pink pyjamas tucked into his socks. +Two others remained open-mouthed a whole minute, then dashed +into the little cabin, to rush out incontinently and stand darting +scared glances, with Winchesters at `ready' in their hands. +What we could see was just the steamer we were on, her outlines blurred +as though she had been on the point of dissolving, and a misty strip +of water, perhaps two feet broad, around her--and that was all. +The rest of the world was nowhere, as far as our eyes and ears +were concerned. Just nowhere. Gone, disappeared; swept off +without leaving a whisper or a shadow behind. + +"I went forward, and ordered the chain to be hauled in short, +so as to be ready to trip the anchor and move the steamboat at +once if necessary. `Will they attack?' whispered an awed voice. +`We will all be butchered in this fog,' murmured another. +The faces twitched with the strain, the hands trembled slightly, +the eyes forgot to wink. It was very curious to see the contrast +of expressions of the white men and of the black fellows of our crew, +who were as much strangers to that part of the river as we, +though their homes were only eight hundred miles away. +The whites, of course greatly discomposed, had besides a curious +look of being painfully shocked by such an outrageous row. +The others had an alert, naturally interested expression; +but their faces were essentially quiet, even those of the one or two +who grinned as they hauled at the chain. Several exchanged short, +grunting phrases, which seemed to settle the matter to +their satisfaction. Their headman, a young, broad-chested black, +severely draped in dark-blue fringed cloths, with fierce +nostrils and his hair all done up artfully in oily ringlets, +stood near me. `Aha!' I said, just for good fellowship's sake. +`Catch `im,' he snapped, with a bloodshot widening of his eyes +and a flash of sharp teeth--'catch `im. Give `im to us.' +`To you, eh?' I asked; `what would you do with them?' `Eat `im!' +he said curtly, and, leaning his elbow on the rail, looked out +into the fog in a dignified and profoundly pensive attitude. +I would no doubt have been properly horrified, had it not +occurred to me that he and his chaps must be very hungry: +that they must have been growing increasingly hungry for at +least this month past. They had been engaged for six months +(I don't think a single one of them had any clear idea of time, +as we at the end of countless ages have. They still belonged +to the beginnings of time--had no inherited experience to teach +them as it were), and of course, as long as there was a piece +of paper written over in accordance with some farcical law +or other made down the river, it didn't enter anybody's head +to trouble how they would live. Certainly they had brought +with them some rotten hippo-meat, which couldn't have lasted +very long, anyway, even if the pilgrims hadn't, in the midst +of a shocking hullabaloo, thrown a considerable quantity +of it overboard. It looked like a high-handed proceeding; +but it was really a case of legitimate self-defense. You can't +breathe dead hippo waking, sleeping, and eating, and at the same +time keep your precarious grip on existence. Besides that, +they had given them every week three pieces of brass wire, +each about nine inches long; and the theory was they were to buy +their provisions with that currency in river-side villages. +You can see how THAT worked. There were either no villages, +or the people were hostile, or the director, who like the rest +of us fed out of tins, with an occasional old he-goat thrown in, +didn't want to stop the steamer for some more or less +recondite reason. So, unless they swallowed the wire itself, +or made loops of it to snare the fishes with, I don't see +what good their extravagant salary could be to them. +I must say it was paid with a regularity worthy of a large and +honorable trading company. For the rest, the only thing to eat-- +though it didn't look eatable in the least--I saw in their +possession was a few lumps of some stuff like half-cooked dough, +of a dirty lavender color, they kept wrapped in leaves, +and now and then swallowed a piece of, but so small that it +seemed done more for the looks of the thing than for any serious +purpose of sustenance. Why in the name of all the gnawing devils +of hunger they didn't go for us--they were thirty to five-- +and have a good tuck in for once, amazes me now when I think of it. +They were big powerful men, with not much capacity to weigh +the consequences, with courage, with strength, even yet, though their +skins were no longer glossy and their muscles no longer hard. +And I saw that something restraining, one of those human +secrets that baffle probability, had come into play there. +I looked at them with a swift quickening of interest-- +not because it occurred to me I might be eaten by them before +very long, though I own to you that just then I perceived-- +in a new light, as it were--how unwholesome the pilgrims looked, +and I hoped, yes, I positively hoped, that my aspect was not so-- +what shall I say?--so--unappetizing: a touch of fantastic +vanity which fitted well with the dream-sensation that pervaded +all my days at that time. Perhaps I had a little fever too. +One can't live with one's finger everlastingly on one's pulse. +I had often `a little fever,' or a little touch of other things-- +the playful paw-strokes of the wilderness, the preliminary trifling +before the more serious onslaught which came in due course. +Yes; I looked at them as you would on any human being, +with a curiosity of their impulses, motives, capacities, +weaknesses, when brought to the test of an inexorable +physical necessity. Restraint! What possible restraint? +Was it superstition, disgust, patience, fear--or some kind +of primitive honor? No fear can stand up to hunger, no patience +can wear it out, disgust simply does not exist where hunger is; +and as to superstition, beliefs, and what you may call principles, +they are less than chaff in a breeze. Don't you know +the devilry of lingering starvation, its exasperating torment, +its black thoughts, its somber and brooding ferocity? Well, I do. +It takes a man all his inborn strength to fight hunger properly. +It's really easier to face bereavement, dishonor, and the perdition +of one's soul--than this kind of prolonged hunger. Sad, but true. +And these chaps too had no earthly reason for any kind +of scruple. Restraint! I would just as soon have expected restraint +from a hyena prowling amongst the corpses of a battlefield. +But there was the fact facing me--the fact dazzling, to be seen, +like the foam on the depths of the sea, like a ripple on an +unfathomable enigma, a mystery greater--when I thought of it-- +than the curious, inexplicable note of desperate grief in this +savage clamor that had swept by us on the river-bank, behind +the blind whiteness of the fog. + +"Two pilgrims were quarreling in hurried whispers as to +which bank. `Left.' `No, no; how can you? Right, right, of course.' +`It is very serious,' said the manager's voice behind me; `I would be +desolated if anything should happen to Mr. Kurtz before we came up.' +I looked at him, and had not the slightest doubt he was sincere. +He was just the kind of man who would wish to preserve appearances. +That was his restraint. But when he muttered something about +going on at once, I did not even take the trouble to answer him. +I knew, and he knew, that it was impossible. Were we to let go our +hold of the bottom, we would be absolutely in the air--in space. +We wouldn't be able to tell where we were going to--whether up +or down stream, or across--till we fetched against one bank +or the other,--and then we wouldn't know at first which it was. +Of course I made no move. I had no mind for a smash-up. You couldn't +imagine a more deadly place for a shipwreck. Whether drowned at once +or not, we were sure to perish speedily in one way or another. +`I authorize you to take all the risks,' he said, after a short silence. +`I refuse to take any,' I said shortly; which was just the answer +he expected, though its tone might have surprised him. +`Well, I must defer to your judgment. You are captain,' he said, +with marked civility. I turned my shoulder to him in sign of +my appreciation, and looked into the fog. How long would it last? +It was the most hopeless look-out. The approach to this Kurtz grubbing +for ivory in the wretched bush was beset by as many dangers as though +he had been an enchanted princess sleeping in a fabulous castle. +`Will they attack, do you think?' asked the manager, +in a confidential tone. + +"I did not think they would attack, for several obvious reasons. +The thick fog was one. If they left the bank in their canoes they +would get lost in it, as we would be if we attempted to move. +Still, I had also judged the jungle of both banks quite impenetrable-- +and yet eyes were in it, eyes that had seen us. The river-side +bushes were certainly very thick; but the undergrowth behind +was evidently penetrable. However, during the short lift I +had seen no canoes anywhere in the reach--certainly not abreast +of the steamer. But what made the idea of attack inconceivable +to me was the nature of the noise--of the cries we had heard. +They had not the fierce character boding of immediate hostile intention. +Unexpected, wild, and violent as they had been, they had given me +an irresistible impression of sorrow. The glimpse of the steamboat +had for some reason filled those savages with unrestrained grief. +The danger, if any, I expounded, was from our proximity to a great +human passion let loose. Even extreme grief may ultimately vent +itself in violence--but more generally takes the form of apathy. +. . . + +"You should have seen the pilgrims stare! They had no heart to grin, or even +to revile me; but I believe they thought me gone mad--with fright, maybe. +I delivered a regular lecture. My dear boys, it was no good bothering. +Keep a look-out? Well, you may guess I watched the fog for the signs +of lifting as a cat watches a mouse; but for anything else our eyes +were of no more use to us than if we had been buried miles deep in a heap +of cotton-wool. It felt like it too--choking, warm, stifling. Besides, all +I said, though it sounded extravagant, was absolutely true to fact. +What we afterwards alluded to as an attack was really an attempt at repulse. +The action was very far from being aggressive--it was not even defensive, +in the usual sense: it was undertaken under the stress of desperation, +and in its essence was purely protective. + +"It developed itself, I should say, two hours after the fog lifted, +and its commencement was at a spot, roughly speaking, +about a mile and a half below Kurtz's station. We had just +floundered and flopped round a bend, when I saw an islet, a mere +grassy hummock of bright green, in the middle of the stream. +It was the only thing of the kind; but as we opened the reach more, +I perceived it was the head of a long sandbank, or rather of a chain +of shallow patches stretching down the middle of the river. +They were discolored, just awash, and the whole lot was seen +just under the water, exactly as a man's backbone is seen +running down the middle of his back under the skin. +Now, as far as I did see, I could go to the right or to +the left of this. I didn't know either channel, of course. +The banks looked pretty well alike, the depth appeared the same; +but as I had been informed the station was on the west side, +I naturally headed for the western passage. + +"No sooner had we fairly entered it than I became aware it was much +narrower than I had supposed. To the left of us there was the long +uninterrupted shoal, and to the right a high, steep bank heavily +overgrown with bushes. Above the bush the trees stood in serried ranks. +The twigs overhung the current thickly, and from distance to distance +a large limb of some tree projected rigidly over the stream. +It was then well on in the afternoon, the face of the forest was gloomy, +and a broad strip of shadow had already fallen on the water. +In this shadow we steamed up--very slowly, as you may imagine. +I sheered her well inshore--the water being deepest near the bank, +as the sounding-pole informed me. + +"One of my hungry and forbearing friends was sounding in the bows +just below me. This steamboat was exactly like a decked scow. +On the deck there were two little teak-wood houses, with doors and windows. +The boiler was in the fore-end, and the machinery right astern. +Over the whole there was a light roof, supported on stanchions. +The funnel projected through that roof, and in front of the funnel +a small cabin built of light planks served for a pilot-house. +It contained a couch, two camp-stools, a loaded Martini-Henry +leaning in one corner, a tiny table, and the steering-wheel. +It had a wide door in front and a broad shutter at each side. +All these were always thrown open, of course. I spent my days perched +up there on the extreme fore-end of that roof, before the door. +At night I slept, or tried to, on the couch. An athletic black +belonging to some coast tribe, and educated by my poor predecessor, +was the helmsman. He sported a pair of brass earrings, wore a blue +cloth wrapper from the waist to the ankles, and thought all the world +of himself. He was the most unstable kind of fool I had ever seen. +He steered with no end of a swagger while you were by; but if he lost +sight of you, he became instantly the prey of an abject funk, +and would let that cripple of a steamboat get the upper hand of him +in a minute. + +"I was looking down at the sounding-pole, and feeling much annoyed +to see at each try a little more of it stick out of that river, +when I saw my poleman give up the business suddenly, and stretch himself +flat on the deck, without even taking the trouble to haul his pole in. +He kept hold on it though, and it trailed in the water. +At the same time the fireman, whom I could also see below me, +sat down abruptly before his furnace and ducked his head. +I was amazed. Then I had to look at the river mighty quick, +because there was a snag in the fairway. Sticks, little sticks, +were flying about--thick: they were whizzing before my nose, +dropping below me, striking behind me against my pilot-house. +All this time the river, the shore, the woods, were very quiet-- +perfectly quiet. I could only hear the heavy splashing thump +of the stern-wheel and the patter of these things. We cleared +the snag clumsily. Arrows, by Jove! We were being shot at! +I stepped in quickly to close the shutter on the land side. +That fool-helmsman, his hands on the spokes, was lifting his knees high, +stamping his feet, champing his mouth, like a reined-in horse. +Confound him! And we were staggering within ten feet of the bank. +I had to lean right out to swing the heavy shutter, and I saw +a face amongst the leaves on the level with my own, looking at me +very fierce and steady; and then suddenly, as though a veil had +been removed from my eyes, I made out, deep in the tangled gloom, +naked breasts, arms, legs, glaring eyes,--the bush was swarming +with human limbs in movement, glistening, of bronze color. +The twigs shook, swayed, and rustled, the arrows flew out +of them, and then the shutter came to. `Steer her straight,' +I said to the helmsman. He held his head rigid, face forward; +but his eyes rolled, he kept on lifting and setting down +his feet gently, his mouth foamed a little. `Keep quiet!' +I said in a fury. I might just as well have ordered a tree +not to sway in the wind. I darted out. Below me there was +a great scuffle of feet on the iron deck; confused exclamations; +a voice screamed, `Can you turn back?' I caught shape of a +V-shaped ripple on the water ahead. What? Another snag! +A fusillade burst out under my feet. The pilgrims had opened with +their Winchesters, and were simply squirting lead into that bush. +A deuce of a lot of smoke came up and drove slowly forward. +I swore at it. Now I couldn't see the ripple or the snag either. +I stood in the doorway, peering, and the arrows came in swarms. +They might have been poisoned, but they looked as though +they wouldn't kill a cat. The bush began to howl. +Our wood-cutters raised a warlike whoop; the report of a rifle +just at my back deafened me. I glanced over my shoulder, +and the pilot-house was yet full of noise and smoke when I made +a dash at the wheel. The fool-nigger had dropped everything, +to throw the shutter open and let off that Martini-Henry. He stood +before the wide opening, glaring, and I yelled at him to come back, +while I straightened the sudden twist out of that steamboat. +There was no room to turn even if I had wanted to, the snag +was somewhere very near ahead in that confounded smoke, +there was no time to lose, so I just crowded her into the bank-- +right into the bank, where I knew the water was deep. + +"We tore slowly along the overhanging bushes in a whirl of broken +twigs and flying leaves. The fusillade below stopped short, +as I had foreseen it would when the squirts got empty. +I threw my head back to a glinting whizz that traversed +the pilot-house, in at one shutter-hole and out at the other. +Looking past that mad helmsman, who was shaking the empty rifle +and yelling at the shore, I saw vague forms of men running +bent double, leaping, gliding, distinct, incomplete, evanescent. +Something big appeared in the air before the shutter, the rifle +went overboard, and the man stepped back swiftly, looked at me +over his shoulder in an extraordinary, profound, familiar manner, +and fell upon my feet. The side of his head hit the wheel twice, +and the end of what appeared a long cane clattered round and knocked +over a little camp-stool. It looked as though after wrenching that +thing from somebody ashore he had lost his balance in the effort. +The thin smoke had blown away, we were clear of the snag, +and looking ahead I could see that in another hundred yards +or so I would be free to sheer off, away from the bank; +but my feet felt so very warm and wet that I had to look down. +The man had rolled on his back and stared straight up at me; +both his hands clutched that cane. It was the shaft of a spear that, +either thrown or lunged through the opening, had caught him +in the side just below the ribs; the blade had gone in out +of sight, after making a frightful gash; my shoes were full; +a pool of blood lay very still, gleaming dark-red under the wheel; +his eyes shone with an amazing luster. The fusillade burst out again. +He looked at me anxiously, gripping the spear like something precious, +with an air of being afraid I would try to take it away from him. +I had to make an effort to free my eyes from his gaze and attend +to the steering. With one hand I felt above my head for the line +of the steam-whistle, and jerked out screech after screech hurriedly. +The tumult of angry and warlike yells was checked instantly, +and then from the depths of the woods went out such a tremulous +and prolonged wail of mournful fear and utter despair as may be +imagined to follow the flight of the last hope from the earth. +There was a great commotion in the bush; the shower of arrows stopped, +a few dropping shots rang out sharply--then silence, in which +the languid beat of the stern-wheel came plainly to my ears. +I put the helm hard a-starboard at the moment when the pilgrim +in pink pyjamas, very hot and agitated, appeared in the doorway. +`The manager sends me--' he began in an official tone, +and stopped short. `Good God!' he said, glaring at the wounded man. + +"We two whites stood over him, and his lustrous and inquiring +glance enveloped us both. I declare it looked as though he would +presently put to us some question in an understandable language; +but he died without uttering a sound, without moving a limb, +without twitching a muscle. Only in the very last moment, as though +in response to some sign we could not see, to some whisper we could +not hear, he frowned heavily, and that frown gave to his black +death-mask an inconceivably somber, brooding, and menacing expression. +The luster of inquiring glance faded swiftly into vacant glassiness. +`Can you steer?' I asked the agent eagerly. He looked very dubious; +but I made a grab at his arm, and he understood at once I +meant him to steer whether or no. To tell you the truth, +I was morbidly anxious to change my shoes and socks. `He is dead,' +murmured the fellow, immensely impressed. `No doubt about it,' +said I, tugging like mad at the shoe-laces. `And, by the way, +I suppose Mr. Kurtz is dead as well by this time.' + +"For the moment that was the dominant thought. There was a sense +of extreme disappointment, as though I had found out I had been +striving after something altogether without a substance. +I couldn't have been more disgusted if I had traveled all this way +for the sole purpose of talking with Mr. Kurtz. Talking with. +. . . I flung one shoe overboard, and became aware +that that was exactly what I had been looking forward to-- +a talk with Kurtz. I made the strange discovery that I had +never imagined him as doing, you know, but as discoursing. +I didn't say to myself, `Now I will never see him,' +or `Now I will never shake him by the hand,' but, `Now I +will never hear him.' The man presented himself as a voice. +Not of course that I did not connect him with some sort of action. +Hadn't I been told in all the tones of jealousy and admiration +that he had collected, bartered, swindled, or stolen more ivory +than all the other agents together? That was not the point. +The point was in his being a gifted creature, and that of all his +gifts the one that stood out pre-eminently, that carried with it +a sense of real presence, was his ability to talk, his words-- +the gift of expression, the bewildering, the illuminating, +the most exalted and the most contemptible, the pulsating +stream of light, or the deceitful flow from the heart of +an impenetrable darkness. + +"The other shoe went flying unto the devil-god of that river. +I thought, `By Jove! it's all over. We are too late; he has vanished-- +the gift has vanished, by means of some spear, arrow, or club. +I will never hear that chap speak after all,'--and my sorrow +had a startling extravagance of emotion, even such as I had +noticed in the howling sorrow of these savages in the bush. +I couldn't have felt more of lonely desolation somehow, had I been +robbed of a belief or had missed my destiny in life. . . . Why +do you sigh in this beastly way, somebody? Absurd? Well, absurd. +Good Lord! mustn't a man ever--Here, give me some tobacco." +. . . + +There was a pause of profound stillness, then a match flared, +and Marlow's lean face appeared, worn, hollow, with downward folds +and dropped eyelids, with an aspect of concentrated attention; +and as he took vigorous draws at his pipe, it seemed to retreat and +advance out of the night in the regular flicker of the tiny flame. +The match went out. + +"Absurd!" he cried. "This is the worst of trying to tell. . . . Here you +all are, each moored with two good addresses, like a hulk with two anchors, +a butcher round one corner, a policeman round another, excellent appetites, +and temperature normal--you hear--normal from year's end to year's end. +And you say, Absurd! Absurd be--exploded! Absurd! My dear boys, what can +you expect from a man who out of sheer nervousness had just flung overboard +a pair of new shoes. Now I think of it, it is amazing I did not shed tears. +I am, upon the whole, proud of my fortitude. I was cut to the quick +at the idea of having lost the inestimable privilege of listening to the +gifted Kurtz. Of course I was wrong. The privilege was waiting for me. +Oh yes, I heard more than enough. And I was right, too. A voice. +He was very little more than a voice. And I heard--him--it--this voice-- +other voices--all of them were so little more than voices--and the memory +of that time itself lingers around me, impalpable, like a dying vibration +of one immense jabber, silly, atrocious, sordid, savage, or simply mean, +without any kind of sense. Voices, voices--even the girl herself--now--" + +He was silent for a long time. + +"I laid the ghost of his gifts at last with a lie," +he began suddenly. "Girl! What? Did I mention a girl? +Oh, she is out of it--completely. They--the women, I mean-- +are out of it--should be out of it. We must help them to stay +in that beautiful world of their own, lest ours gets worse. +Oh, she had to be out of it. You should have heard the disinterred +body of Mr. Kurtz saying, `My Intended.' You would have +perceived directly then how completely she was out of it. +And the lofty frontal bone of Mr. Kurtz! They say the hair goes +on growing sometimes, but this--ah specimen, was impressively bald. +The wilderness had patted him on the head, and, behold, it was +like a ball--an ivory ball; it had caressed him, and--lo!-- +he had withered; it had taken him, loved him, embraced him, +got into his veins, consumed his flesh, and sealed his soul to its +own by the inconceivable ceremonies of some devilish initiation. +He was its spoiled and pampered favorite. Ivory? I should think so. +Heaps of it, stacks of it. The old mud shanty was bursting with it. +You would think there was not a single tusk left either above +or below the ground in the whole country. `Mostly fossil,' +the manager had remarked disparagingly. It was no more fossil than I am; +but they call it fossil when it is dug up. It appears these niggers +do bury the tusks sometimes--but evidently they couldn't bury this +parcel deep enough to save the gifted Mr. Kurtz from his fate. +We filled the steamboat with it, and had to pile a lot on the deck. +Thus he could see and enjoy as long as he could see, because the +appreciation of this favor had remained with him to the last. +You should have heard him say, `My ivory.' Oh yes, I heard him. +`My Intended, my ivory, my station, my river, my--' everything belonged +to him. It made me hold my breath in expectation of hearing +the wilderness burst into a prodigious peal of laughter that would +shake the fixed stars in their places. Everything belonged to him-- +but that was a trifle. The thing was to know what he belonged to, +how many powers of darkness claimed him for their own. +That was the reflection that made you creepy all over. +It was impossible--it was not good for one either--trying to imagine. +He had taken a high seat amongst the devils of the land-- +I mean literally. You can't understand. How could you?-- +with solid pavement under your feet, surrounded by kind neighbors +ready to cheer you or to fall on you, stepping delicately between +the butcher and the policeman, in the holy terror of scandal and +gallows and lunatic asylums--how can you imagine what particular +region of the first ages a man's untrammeled feet may take him +into by the way of solitude--utter solitude without a policeman-- +by the way of silence, utter silence, where no warning voice +of a kind neighbor can be heard whispering of public opinion? +These little things make all the great difference. +When they are gone you must fall back upon your own +innate strength, upon your own capacity for faithfulness. +Of course you may be too much of a fool to go wrong--too dull +even to know you are being assaulted by the powers of darkness. +I take it, no fool ever made a bargain for his soul with the devil: +the fool is too much of a fool, or the devil too much of a devil-- +I don't know which. Or you may be such a thunderingly exalted +creature as to be altogether deaf and blind to anything but heavenly +sights and sounds. Then the earth for you is only a standing place-- +and whether to be like this is your loss or your gain I won't +pretend to say. But most of us are neither one nor the other. +The earth for us is a place to live in, where we must put up with sights, +with sounds, with smells too, by Jove!--breathe dead hippo, +so to speak, and not be contaminated. And there, don't you see? +Your strength comes in, the faith in your ability for the digging +of unostentatious holes to bury the stuff in--your power of devotion, +not to yourself, but to an obscure, back-breaking business. +And that's difficult enough. Mind, I am not trying to excuse or +even explain--I am trying to account to myself for--for--Mr. Kurtz-- +for the shade of Mr. Kurtz. This initiated wraith from the back +of Nowhere honored me with its amazing confidence before it +vanished altogether. This was because it could speak English to me. +The original Kurtz had been educated partly in England, and--as he was +good enough to say himself--his sympathies were in the right place. +His mother was half-English, his father was half-French. All Europe +contributed to the making of Kurtz; and by-and-by I learned that, +most appropriately, the International Society for the Suppression +of Savage Customs had intrusted him with the making of a report, +for its future guidance. And he had written it too. I've seen it. +I've read it. It was eloquent, vibrating with eloquence, +but too high-strung, I think. Seventeen pages of close writing +he had found time for! But this must have been before his-- +let us say--nerves, went wrong, and caused him to preside at certain +midnight dances ending with unspeakable rites, which--as far +as I reluctantly gathered from what I heard at various times-- +were offered up to him--do you understand?--to Mr. Kurtz himself. +But it was a beautiful piece of writing. The opening paragraph, +however, in the light of later information, strikes me now as ominous. +He began with the argument that we whites, from the point of development +we had arrived at, `must necessarily appear to them [savages] in +the nature of supernatural beings--we approach them with the might +as of a deity,' and so on, and so on. `By the simple exercise +of our will we can exert a power for good practically unbounded,' +&c., &c. From that point he soared and took me with him. +The peroration was magnificent, though difficult to remember, +you know. It gave me the notion of an exotic Immensity ruled +by an august Benevolence. It made me tingle with enthusiasm. +This was the unbounded power of eloquence--of words-- +of burning noble words. There were no practical hints to +interrupt the magic current of phrases, unless a kind of note +at the foot of the last page, scrawled evidently much later, +in an unsteady hand, may be regarded as the exposition of a method. +It was very simple, and at the end of that moving appeal to every +altruistic sentiment it blazed at you, luminous and terrifying, +like a flash of lightning in a serene sky: `Exterminate all +the brutes!' The curious part was that he had apparently +forgotten all about that valuable postscriptum, because, later on, +when he in a sense came to himself, he repeatedly entreated me +to take good care of `my pamphlet' (he called it), as it was +sure to have in the future a good influence upon his career. +I had full information about all these things, and, besides, +as it turned out, I was to have the care of his memory. +I've done enough for it to give me the indisputable right to lay it, +if I choose, for an everlasting rest in the dust-bin of progress, +amongst all the sweepings and, figuratively speaking, all the dead +cats of civilization. But then, you see, I can't choose. +He won't be forgotten. Whatever he was, he was not common. +He had the power to charm or frighten rudimentary souls into +an aggravated witch-dance in his honor; he could also fill +the small souls of the pilgrims with bitter misgivings: +he had one devoted friend at least, and he had conquered one +soul in the world that was neither rudimentary nor tainted with +self-seeking. No; I can't forget him, though I am not prepared to affirm +the fellow was exactly worth the life we lost in getting to him. +I missed my late helmsman awfully,--I missed him even while his +body was still lying in the pilot-house. Perhaps you will think it +passing strange this regret for a savage who was no more account +than a grain of sand in a black Sahara. Well, don't you see, +he had done something, he had steered; for months I had him at +my back--a help--an instrument. It was a kind of partnership. +He steered for me--I had to look after him, I worried about +his deficiencies, and thus a subtle bond had been created, +of which I only became aware when it was suddenly broken. +And the intimate profundity of that look he gave me when he received +his hurt remains to this day in my memory--like a claim of distant +kinship affirmed in a supreme moment. + +"Poor fool! If he had only left that shutter alone. +He had no restraint, no restraint--just like Kurtz--a tree swayed +by the wind. As soon as I had put on a dry pair of slippers, +I dragged him out, after first jerking the spear out of his side, +which operation I confess I performed with my eyes shut tight. +His heels leaped together over the little door-step; his shoulders +were pressed to my breast; I hugged him from behind desperately. +Oh! he was heavy, heavy; heavier than any man on earth, +I should imagine. Then without more ado I tipped him overboard. +The current snatched him as though he had been a wisp of grass, +and I saw the body roll over twice before I lost sight +of it for ever. All the pilgrims and the manager were then +congregated on the awning-deck about the pilot-house, +chattering at each other like a flock of excited magpies, +and there was a scandalized murmur at my heartless promptitude. +What they wanted to keep that body hanging about for I can't guess. +Embalm it, maybe. But I had also heard another, and a very ominous, +murmur on the deck below. My friends the wood-cutters +were likewise scandalized, and with a better show of reason-- +though I admit that the reason itself was quite inadmissible. +Oh, quite! I had made up my mind that if my late helmsman +was to be eaten, the fishes alone should have him. +He had been a very second-rate helmsman while alive, but now +he was dead he might have become a first-class temptation, +and possibly cause some startling trouble. Besides, I was +anxious to take the wheel, the man in pink pyjamas showing +himself a hopeless duffer at the business. + +"This I did directly the simple funeral was over. We were going half-speed, +keeping right in the middle of the stream, and I listened to the talk +about me. They had given up Kurtz, they had given up the station; +Kurtz was dead, and the station had been burnt--and so on--and so on. +The red-haired pilgrim was beside himself with the thought that at +least this poor Kurtz had been properly revenged. `Say! We must +have made a glorious slaughter of them in the bush. Eh? What do +you think? Say?' He positively danced, the bloodthirsty little +gingery beggar. And he had nearly fainted when he saw the wounded man! +I could not help saying, `You made a glorious lot of smoke, anyhow.' +I had seen, from the way the tops of the bushes rustled and flew, +that almost all the shots had gone too high. You can't hit anything +unless you take aim and fire from the shoulder; but these chaps +fired from the hip with their eyes shut. The retreat, I maintained-- +and I was right--was caused by the screeching of the steam-whistle. Upon +this they forgot Kurtz, and began to howl at me with indignant protests. + +"The manager stood by the wheel murmuring confidentially about +the necessity of getting well away down the river before dark at +all events, when I saw in the distance a clearing on the river-side +and the outlines of some sort of building. `What's this?' +I asked. He clapped his hands in wonder. `The station!' he cried. +I edged in at once, still going half-speed. + +"Through my glasses I saw the slope of a hill interspersed +with rare trees and perfectly free from undergrowth. A long +decaying building on the summit was half buried in the high grass; +the large holes in the peaked roof gaped black from afar; +the jungle and the woods made a background. There was no inclosure +or fence of any kind; but there had been one apparently, for near +the house half-a-dozen slim posts remained in a row, roughly trimmed, +and with their upper ends ornamented with round carved balls. +The rails, or whatever there had been between, had disappeared. +Of course the forest surrounded all that. The river-bank +was clear, and on the water-side I saw a white man under a hat +like a cart-wheel beckoning persistently with his whole arm. +Examining the edge of the forest above and below, I was almost +certain I could see movements--human forms gliding here and there. +I steamed past prudently, then stopped the engines and let her +drift down. The man on the shore began to shout, urging us to land. +`We have been attacked,' screamed the manager. `I know--I know. +It's all right,' yelled back the other, as cheerful as you please. +`Come along. It's all right. I am glad.' + +"His aspect reminded me of something I had seen--something funny +I had seen somewhere. As I maneuvered to get alongside, I was +asking myself, `What does this fellow look like?' Suddenly I got it. +He looked like a harlequin. His clothes had been made of some stuff +that was brown holland probably, but it was covered with patches all over, +with bright patches, blue, red, and yellow,--patches on the back, +patches on front, patches on elbows, on knees; colored binding +round his jacket, scarlet edging at the bottom of his trousers; +and the sunshine made him look extremely gay and wonderfully neat withal, +because you could see how beautifully all this patching had been done. +A beardless, boyish face, very fair, no features to speak of, +nose peeling, little blue eyes, smiles and frowns chasing each other over +that open countenance like sunshine and shadow on a windswept plain. +`Look out, captain!' he cried; `there's a snag lodged in here +last night.' What! Another snag? I confess I swore shamefully. +I had nearly holed my cripple, to finish off that charming trip. +The harlequin on the bank turned his little pug nose up to me. +`You English?' he asked, all smiles. `Are you?' I shouted from the wheel. +The smiles vanished, and he shook his head as if sorry for my disappointment. +Then he brightened up. `Never mind!' he cried encouragingly. +`Are we in time?' I asked. `He is up there,' he replied, with a toss +of the head up the hill, and becoming gloomy all of a sudden. +His face was like the autumn sky, overcast one moment and bright the next. + +"When the manager, escorted by the pilgrims, all of them armed +to the teeth, had gone to the house, this chap came on board. +`I say, I don't like this. These natives are in the bush,' +I said. He assured me earnestly it was all right. +`They are simple people,' he added; `well, I am glad you came. +It took me all my time to keep them off.' `But you said it +was all right,' I cried. `Oh, they meant no harm,' he said; +and as I stared he corrected himself, `Not exactly.' +Then vivaciously, `My faith, your pilot-house wants a clean up!' +In the next breath he advised me to keep enough steam +on the boiler to blow the whistle in case of any trouble. +`One good screech will do more for you than all your rifles. +They are simple people,' he repeated. He rattled away at such +a rate he quite overwhelmed me. He seemed to be trying to make +up for lots of silence, and actually hinted, laughing, that such +was the case. `Don't you talk with Mr. Kurtz?' I said. +`You don't talk with that man--you listen to him,' he exclaimed +with severe exaltation. `But now--' He waved his arm, and in +the twinkling of an eye was in the uttermost depths of despondency. +In a moment he came up again with a jump, possessed himself +of both my hands, shook them continuously, while he gabbled: +`Brother sailor . . . honor . . . pleasure . . . delight . . . +introduce myself . . . Russian . . . son of an arch-priest . . +. Government of Tambov . . . What? Tobacco! English tobacco; +the excellent English tobacco! Now, that's brotherly. +Smoke? Where's a sailor that does not smoke?' + +"The pipe soothed him, and gradually I made out he had +run away from school, had gone to sea in a Russian ship; +ran away again; served some time in English ships; was now +reconciled with the arch-priest. He made a point of that. +`But when one is young one must see things, gather experience, +ideas; enlarge the mind.' `Here!' I interrupted. +`You can never tell! Here I have met Mr. Kurtz,' he said, +youthfully solemn and reproachful. I held my tongue after that. +It appears he had persuaded a Dutch trading-house on the coast to fit +him out with stores and goods, and had started for the interior +with a light heart, and no more idea of what would happen to him +than a baby. He had been wandering about that river for nearly +two years alone, cut off from everybody and everything. +`I am not so young as I look. I am twenty-five,' he said. +`At first old Van Shuyten would tell me to go to the devil,' +he narrated with keen enjoyment; `but I stuck to him, and talked +and talked, till at last he got afraid I would talk the hind-leg off +his favorite dog, so he gave me some cheap things and a few guns, +and told me he hoped he would never see my face again. +Good old Dutchman, Van Shuyten. I've sent him one small lot +of ivory a year ago, so that he can't call me a little thief when I +get back. I hope he got it. And for the rest I don't care. +I had some wood stacked for you. That was my old house. +Did you see?' + +"I gave him Towson's book. He made as though he would kiss me, +but restrained himself. `The only book I had left, and I +thought I had lost it,' he said, looking at it ecstatically. +`So many accidents happen to a man going about alone, you know. +Canoes get upset sometimes--and sometimes you've got to clear +out so quick when the people get angry.' He thumbed the pages. +`You made notes in Russian?' I asked. He nodded. `I thought they +were written in cipher,' I said. He laughed, then became serious. +`I had lots of trouble to keep these people off,' he said. +`Did they want to kill you?' I asked. `Oh no!' he cried, +and checked himself. `Why did they attack us?' I pursued. +He hesitated, then said shamefacedly, `They don't want him to go.' +`Don't they?' I said, curiously. He nodded a nod full of mystery +and wisdom. `I tell you,' he cried, `this man has enlarged my mind.' +He opened his arms wide, staring at me with his little blue eyes +that were perfectly round." + + + + +III + + +"I looked at him, lost in astonishment. There he was before me, in motley, +as though he had absconded from a troupe of mimes, enthusiastic, fabulous. +His very existence was improbable, inexplicable, and altogether bewildering. +He was an insoluble problem. It was inconceivable how he had existed, +how he had succeeded in getting so far, how he had managed to remain-- +why he did not instantly disappear. `I went a little farther,' +he said, `then still a little farther--till I had gone so far that I +don't know how I'll ever get back. Never mind. Plenty time. +I can manage. You take Kurtz away quick--quick--I tell you.' +The glamour of youth enveloped his particolored rags, his destitution, +his loneliness, the essential desolation of his futile wanderings. +For months--for years--his life hadn't been worth a day's purchase; +and there he was gallantly, thoughtlessly alive, to all appearance +indestructible solely by the virtue of his few years and of his +unreflecting audacity. I was seduced into something like admiration-- +like envy. Glamour urged him on, glamour kept him unscathed. +He surely wanted nothing from the wilderness but space to breathe +in and to push on through. His need was to exist, and to move onwards +at the greatest possible risk, and with a maximum of privation. +If the absolutely pure, uncalculating, unpractical spirit of adventure +had ever ruled a human being, it ruled this be-patched youth. +I almost envied him the possession of this modest and clear flame. +It seemed to have consumed all thought of self so completely, that, +even while he was talking to you, you forgot that it was he--the man +before your eyes--who had gone through these things. I did not envy +him his devotion to Kurtz, though. He had not meditated over it. +It came to him, and he accepted it with a sort of eager fatalism. +I must say that to me it appeared about the most dangerous thing +in every way he had come upon so far. + +"They had come together unavoidably, like two ships becalmed near +each other, and lay rubbing sides at last. I suppose Kurtz wanted +an audience, because on a certain occasion, when encamped in the forest, +they had talked all night, or more probably Kurtz had talked. +`We talked of everything,' he said, quite transported at the recollection. +`I forgot there was such a thing as sleep. The night did not seem +to last an hour. Everything! Everything! . . . Of love too.' +`Ah, he talked to you of love!' I said, much amused. `It isn't +what you think,' he cried, almost passionately. `It was in general. +He made me see things--things.' + +"He threw his arms up. We were on deck at the time, and the headman +of my wood-cutters, lounging near by, turned upon him his heavy and +glittering eyes. I looked around, and I don't know why, but I assure +you that never, never before, did this land, this river, this jungle, +the very arch of this blazing sky, appear to me so hopeless and so dark, +so impenetrable to human thought, so pitiless to human weakness. +`And, ever since, you have been with him, of course?' I said. + +"On the contrary. It appears their intercourse had been very much +broken by various causes. He had, as he informed me proudly, +managed to nurse Kurtz through two illnesses (he alluded to it as you +would to some risky feat), but as a rule Kurtz wandered alone, +far in the depths of the forest. `Very often coming to this station, +I had to wait days and days before he would turn up,' he said. +`Ah, it was worth waiting for!--sometimes.' `What was +he doing? exploring or what?' I asked. `Oh yes, of course;' +he had discovered lots of villages, a lake too--he did not know +exactly in what direction; it was dangerous to inquire too much-- +but mostly his expeditions had been for ivory. `But he had no +goods to trade with by that time,' I objected. `There's a good +lot of cartridges left even yet,' he answered, looking away. +`To speak plainly, he raided the country,' I said. He nodded. +`Not alone, surely!' He muttered something about the villages +round that lake. `Kurtz got the tribe to follow him, did he?' +I suggested. He fidgeted a little. `They adored him,' he said. +The tone of these words was so extraordinary that I looked at +him searchingly. It was curious to see his mingled eagerness +and reluctance to speak of Kurtz. The man filled his life, +occupied his thoughts, swayed his emotions. `What can you expect?' +he burst out; `he came to them with thunder and lightning, you know-- +and they had never seen anything like it--and very terrible. +He could be very terrible. You can't judge Mr. Kurtz as you would +an ordinary man. No, no, no! Now--just to give you an idea-- +I don't mind telling you, he wanted to shoot me too one day-- +but I don't judge him.' `Shoot you!' I cried. `What for?' +`Well, I had a small lot of ivory the chief of that village +near my house gave me. You see I used to shoot game +for them. Well, he wanted it, and wouldn't hear reason. +He declared he would shoot me unless I gave him the ivory +and then cleared out of the country, because he could do so, +and had a fancy for it, and there was nothing on earth +to prevent him killing whom he jolly well pleased. +And it was true too. I gave him the ivory. What did I care! +But I didn't clear out. No, no. I couldn't leave him. +I had to be careful, of course, till we got friendly +again for a time. He had his second illness then. +Afterwards I had to keep out of the way; but I didn't mind. +He was living for the most part in those villages on the lake. +When he came down to the river, sometimes he would take to me, +and sometimes it was better for me to be careful. This man suffered +too much. He hated all this, and somehow he couldn't get away. +When I had a chance I begged him to try and leave while there +was time; I offered to go back with him. And he would say yes, +and then he would remain; go off on another ivory hunt; +disappear for weeks; forget himself amongst these people-- +forget himself--you know.' `Why! he's mad,' I said. +He protested indignantly. Mr. Kurtz couldn't be mad. +If I had heard him talk, only two days ago, I wouldn't dare +hint at such a thing. . . . I had taken up my binoculars +while we talked and was looking at the shore, sweeping the limit +of the forest at each side and at the back of the house. +The consciousness of there being people in that bush, so silent, +so quiet--as silent and quiet as the ruined house on the hill-- +made me uneasy. There was no sign on the face of nature +of this amazing tale that was not so much told as suggested +to me in desolate exclamations, completed by shrugs, +in interrupted phrases, in hints ending in deep sighs. +The woods were unmoved, like a mask--heavy, like the closed door +of a prison--they looked with their air of hidden knowledge, +of patient expectation, of unapproachable silence. +The Russian was explaining to me that it was only lately +that Mr. Kurtz had come down to the river, bringing along +with him all the fighting men of that lake tribe. He had been +absent for several months--getting himself adored, I suppose-- +and had come down unexpectedly, with the intention to all appearance +of making a raid either across the river or down stream. +Evidently the appetite for more ivory had got the better of the-- +what shall I say?--less material aspirations. However he had got much +worse suddenly. `I heard he was lying helpless, and so I came up-- +took my chance,' said the Russian. `Oh, he is bad, very bad.' +I directed my glass to the house. There were no signs of life, +but there was the ruined roof, the long mud wall peeping above +the grass, with three little square window-holes, no two of the +same size; all this brought within reach of my hand, as it were. +And then I made a brusque movement, and one of the remaining +posts of that vanished fence leaped up in the field of my glass. +You remember I told you I had been struck at the distance by certain +attempts at ornamentation, rather remarkable in the ruinous aspect +of the place. Now I had suddenly a nearer view, and its first +result was to make me throw my head back as if before a blow. +Then I went carefully from post to post with my glass, and I saw +my mistake. These round knobs were not ornamental but symbolic; +they were expressive and puzzling, striking and disturbing-- +food for thought and also for the vultures if there had been +any looking down from the sky; but at all events for such +ants as were industrious enough to ascend the pole. +They would have been even more impressive, those heads on +the stakes, if their faces had not been turned to the house. +Only one, the first I had made out, was facing my way. +I was not so shocked as you may think. The start back I +had given was really nothing but a movement of surprise. +I had expected to see a knob of wood there, you know. +I returned deliberately to the first I had seen--and there +it was, black, dried, sunken, with closed eyelids,--a head +that seemed to sleep at the top of that pole, and, with the +shrunken dry lips showing a narrow white line of the teeth, +was smiling too, smiling continuously at some endless and jocose +dream of that eternal slumber. + +"I am not disclosing any trade secrets. In fact the manager said +afterwards that Mr. Kurtz's methods had ruined the district. +I have no opinion on that point, but I want you clearly to understand +that there was nothing exactly profitable in these heads being there. +They only showed that Mr. Kurtz lacked restraint in the gratification +of his various lusts, that there was something wanting in him-- +some small matter which, when the pressing need arose, +could not be found under his magnificent eloquence. +Whether he knew of this deficiency himself I can't say. +I think the knowledge came to him at last--only at the very last. +But the wilderness had found him out early, and had taken on him +a terrible vengeance for the fantastic invasion. I think it +had whispered to him things about himself which he did not know, +things of which he had no conception till he took counsel with this +great solitude--and the whisper had proved irresistibly fascinating. +It echoed loudly within him because he was hollow at the core. +. . . I put down the glass, and the head that had appeared near +enough to be spoken to seemed at once to have leaped away from me +into inaccessible distance. + +"The admirer of Mr. Kurtz was a bit crestfallen. In a hurried, +indistinct voice he began to assure me he had not dared to +take these--say, symbols--down. He was not afraid of the natives; +they would not stir till Mr. Kurtz gave the word. His ascendency +was extraordinary. The camps of these people surrounded the place, +and the chiefs came every day to see him. They would crawl. +. . . `I don't want to know anything of the ceremonies used +when approaching Mr. Kurtz,' I shouted. Curious, this feeling +that came over me that such details would be more intolerable +than those heads drying on the stakes under Mr. Kurtz's windows. +After all, that was only a savage sight, while I seemed at one bound +to have been transported into some lightless region of subtle horrors, +where pure, uncomplicated savagery was a positive relief, +being something that had a right to exist--obviously-- +in the sunshine. The young man looked at me with surprise. +I suppose it did not occur to him Mr. Kurtz was no idol of mine. +He forgot I hadn't heard any of these splendid monologues on, +what was it? on love, justice, conduct of life--or what not. +If it had come to crawling before Mr. Kurtz, he crawled as much as the +veriest savage of them all. I had no idea of the conditions, he said: +these heads were the heads of rebels. I shocked him excessively +by laughing. Rebels! What would be the next definition I was to hear? +There had been enemies, criminals, workers--and these were rebels. +Those rebellious heads looked very subdued to me on their sticks. +`You don't know how such a life tries a man like Kurtz,' cried Kurtz's +last disciple. `Well, and you?' I said. `I! I! I am a simple man. +I have no great thoughts. I want nothing from anybody. +How can you compare me to . . .?' His feelings were too much for speech, +and suddenly he broke down. `I don't understand,' he groaned. +`I've been doing my best to keep him alive, and that's enough. +I had no hand in all this. I have no abilities. There hasn't been +a drop of medicine or a mouthful of invalid food for months here. +He was shamefully abandoned. A man like this, with such ideas. +Shamefully! Shamefully! I--I-- haven't slept for the last ten nights. +. . .' + +"His voice lost itself in the calm of the evening. The long shadows +of the forest had slipped down hill while we talked, had gone +far beyond the ruined hovel, beyond the symbolic row of stakes. +All this was in the gloom, while we down there were yet in the sunshine, +and the stretch of the river abreast of the clearing glittered +in a still and dazzling splendor, with a murky and over-shadowed +bend above and below. Not a living soul was seen on the shore. +The bushes did not rustle. + +"Suddenly round the corner of the house a group of men appeared, +as though they had come up from the ground. They waded waist-deep +in the grass, in a compact body, bearing an improvised stretcher +in their midst. Instantly, in the emptiness of the landscape, a cry +arose whose shrillness pierced the still air like a sharp arrow flying +straight to the very heart of the land; and, as if by enchantment, +streams of human beings--of naked human beings--with spears in their hands, +with bows, with shields, with wild glances and savage movements, +were poured into the clearing by the dark-faced and pensive forest. +The bushes shook, the grass swayed for a time, and then everything +stood still in attentive immobility. + +"`Now, if he does not say the right thing to them we are all +done for,' said the Russian at my elbow. The knot of men +with the stretcher had stopped too, half-way to the steamer, +as if petrified. I saw the man on the stretcher sit up, +lank and with an uplifted arm, above the shoulders of the bearers. +`Let us hope that the man who can talk so well of love in general +will find some particular reason to spare us this time,' I said. +I resented bitterly the absurd danger of our situation, as if to be at +the mercy of that atrocious phantom had been a dishonoring necessity. +I could not hear a sound, but through my glasses I saw the thin +arm extended commandingly, the lower jaw moving, the eyes of +that apparition shining darkly far in its bony head that nodded +with grotesque jerks. Kurtz--Kurtz--that means short in German-- +don't it? Well, the name was as true as everything else +in his life--and death. He looked at least seven feet long. +His covering had fallen off, and his body emerged from it +pitiful and appalling as from a winding-sheet. I could see +the cage of his ribs all astir, the bones of his arm waving. +It was as though an animated image of death carved out of old +ivory had been shaking its hand with menaces at a motionless +crowd of men made of dark and glittering bronze. I saw him +open his mouth wide--it gave him a weirdly voracious aspect, +as though he had wanted to swallow all the air, all the earth, +all the men before him. A deep voice reached me faintly. +He must have been shouting. He fell back suddenly. +The stretcher shook as the bearers staggered forward again, +and almost at the same time I noticed that the crowd of savages +was vanishing without any perceptible movement of retreat, +as if the forest that had ejected these beings so suddenly had +drawn them in again as the breath is drawn in a long aspiration. + +"Some of the pilgrims behind the stretcher carried his arms-- +two shot-guns, a heavy rifle, and a light revolver-carbine-- +the thunderbolts of that pitiful Jupiter. The manager bent over him +murmuring as he walked beside his head. They laid him down in one +of the little cabins--just a room for a bed-place and a camp-stool +or two, you know. We had brought his belated correspondence, +and a lot of torn envelopes and open letters littered his bed. +His hand roamed feebly amongst these papers. I was struck by +the fire of his eyes and the composed languor of his expression. +It was not so much the exhaustion of disease. He did not seem in pain. +This shadow looked satiated and calm, as though for the moment it +had had its fill of all the emotions. + +"He rustled one of the letters, and looking straight in my face said, +`I am glad.' Somebody had been writing to him about me. +These special recommendations were turning up again. +The volume of tone he emitted without effort, almost without +the trouble of moving his lips, amazed me. A voice! a voice! +It was grave, profound, vibrating, while the man did not seem +capable of a whisper. However, he had enough strength in him-- +factitious no doubt--to very nearly make an end of us, as you +shall hear directly. + +"The manager appeared silently in the doorway; I stepped +out at once and he drew the curtain after me. The Russian, +eyed curiously by the pilgrims, was staring at the shore. +I followed the direction of his glance. + +"Dark human shapes could be made out in the distance, +flitting indistinctly against the gloomy border of the forest, +and near the river two bronze figures, leaning on tall spears, +stood in the sunlight under fantastic headdresses of spotted skins, +warlike and still in statuesque repose. And from right to left +along the lighted shore moved a wild and gorgeous apparition +of a woman. + +"She walked with measured steps, draped in striped and +fringed cloths, treading the earth proudly, with a slight jingle +and flash of barbarous ornaments. She carried her head high; +her hair was done in the shape of a helmet; she had brass +leggings to the knee, brass wire gauntlets to the elbow, +a crimson spot on her tawny cheek, innumerable necklaces of glass +beads on her neck; bizarre things, charms, gifts of witch-men, +that hung about her, glittered and trembled at every step. +She must have had the value of several elephant tusks upon her. +She was savage and superb, wild-eyed and magnificent; there was +something ominous and stately in her deliberate progress. +And in the hush that had fallen suddenly upon the whole +sorrowful land, the immense wilderness, the colossal body of +the fecund and mysterious life seemed to look at her, pensive, +as though it had been looking at the image of its own tenebrous +and passionate soul. + +"She came abreast of the steamer, stood still, and faced us. +Her long shadow fell to the water's edge. Her face had a tragic +and fierce aspect of wild sorrow and of dumb pain mingled +with the fear of some struggling, half-shaped resolve. +She stood looking at us without a stir and like the wilderness +itself, with an air of brooding over an inscrutable purpose. +A whole minute passed, and then she made a step forward. +There was a low jingle, a glint of yellow metal, a sway of +fringed draperies, and she stopped as if her heart had failed her. +The young fellow by my side growled. The pilgrims murmured +at my back. She looked at us all as if her life had depended +upon the unswerving steadiness of her glance. Suddenly she +opened her bared arms and threw them up rigid above her head, +as though in an uncontrollable desire to touch the sky, and at +the same time the swift shadows darted out on the earth, swept around +on the river, gathering the steamer into a shadowy embrace. +A formidable silence hung over the scene. + +"She turned away slowly, walked on, following the bank, and passed +into the bushes to the left. Once only her eyes gleamed back at us +in the dusk of the thickets before she disappeared. + +"`If she had offered to come aboard I really think I would have tried +to shoot her,' said the man of patches, nervously. `I had been risking +my life every day for the last fortnight to keep her out of the house. +She got in one day and kicked up a row about those miserable rags I +picked up in the storeroom to mend my clothes with. I wasn't decent. +At least it must have been that, for she talked like a fury to Kurtz +for an hour, pointing at me now and then. I don't understand the dialect +of this tribe. Luckily for me, I fancy Kurtz felt too ill that day +to care, or there would have been mischief. I don't understand. +. . . No--it's too much for me. Ah, well, it's all over now.' + +"At this moment I heard Kurtz's deep voice behind the curtain, +`Save me!--save the ivory, you mean. Don't tell me. +Save ME! Why, I've had to save you. You are interrupting my +plans now. Sick! Sick! Not so sick as you would like to believe. +Never mind. I'll carry my ideas out yet--I will return. +I'll show you what can be done. You with your little +peddling notions--you are interfering with me. I will return. +I . . .' + +"The manager came out. He did me the honor to take me under +the arm and lead me aside. `He is very low, very low,' he said. +He considered it necessary to sigh, but neglected to be +consistently sorrowful. `We have done all we could for him--haven't we? +But there is no disguising the fact, Mr. Kurtz has done more harm +than good to the Company. He did not see the time was not ripe +for vigorous action. Cautiously, cautiously--that's my principle. +We must be cautious yet. The district is closed to us for +a time. Deplorable! Upon the whole, the trade will suffer. +I don't deny there is a remarkable quantity of ivory--mostly fossil. +We must save it, at all events--but look how precarious +the position is--and why? Because the method is unsound.' +`Do you,' said I, looking at the shore, `call it "unsound method"?' +`Without doubt,' he exclaimed, hotly. `Don't you?' . . . `No +method at all,' I murmured after a while. `Exactly,' he exulted. +`I anticipated this. Shows a complete want of judgment. +It is my duty to point it out in the proper quarter.' +`Oh,' said I, `that fellow--what's his name?--the brickmaker, will make +a readable report for you.' He appeared confounded for a moment. +It seemed to me I had never breathed an atmosphere so vile, +and I turned mentally to Kurtz for relief--positively for relief. +`Nevertheless I think Mr. Kurtz is a remarkable man,' I said +with emphasis. He started, dropped on me a cold heavy glance, +said very quietly, `He WAS,' and turned his back on me. +My hour of favor was over; I found myself lumped along with Kurtz +as a partisan of methods for which the time was not ripe: +I was unsound! Ah! but it was something to have at least +a choice of nightmares. + +"I had turned to the wilderness really, not to Mr. Kurtz, who, +I was ready to admit, was as good as buried. And for a moment +it seemed to me as if I also were buried in a vast grave full +of unspeakable secrets. I felt an intolerable weight oppressing +my breast, the smell of the damp earth, the unseen presence +of victorious corruption, the darkness of an impenetrable night. +. . . The Russian tapped me on the shoulder. I heard him mumbling +and stammering something about `brother seaman--couldn't conceal-- +knowledge of matters that would affect Mr. Kurtz's reputation.' +I waited. For him evidently Mr. Kurtz was not in his grave; +I suspect that for him Mr. Kurtz was one of the immortals. +`Well!' said I at last, `speak out. As it happens, I am +Mr. Kurtz's friend--in a way.' + +"He stated with a good deal of formality that had we not been `of +the same profession,' he would have kept the matter to himself +without regard to consequences. `He suspected there was an active +ill-will towards him on the part of these white men that--' +`You are right,' I said, remembering a certain conversation I +had overheard. `The manager thinks you ought to be hanged.' +He showed a concern at this intelligence which amused me at first. +`I had better get out of the way quietly,' he said, earnestly. +`I can do no more for Kurtz now, and they would soon find some excuse. +What's to stop them? There's a military post three hundred miles +from here.' `Well, upon my word,' said I, `perhaps you had +better go if you have any friends amongst the savages near by.' +`Plenty,' he said. `They are simple people--and I want nothing, +you know.' He stood biting his lips, then: `I don't want any harm +to happen to these whites here, but of course I was thinking of +Mr. Kurtz's reputation--but you are a brother seaman and--' `All right,' +said I, after a time. `Mr. Kurtz's reputation is safe with me.' +I did not know how truly I spoke. + +"He informed me, lowering his voice, that it was Kurtz +who had ordered the attack to be made on the steamer. +`He hated sometimes the idea of being taken away--and then again. +. . . But I don't understand these matters. I am a simple man. +He thought it would scare you away--that you would give it up, +thinking him dead. I could not stop him. Oh, I had an awful time +of it this last month.' `Very well,' I said. `He is all right now.' +`Ye-e-es,' he muttered, not very convinced apparently. +`Thanks,' said I; `I shall keep my eyes open.' `But quiet--eh?' +he urged, anxiously. `It would be awful for his reputation if +anybody here--' I promised a complete discretion with great gravity. +`I have a canoe and three black fellows waiting not very far. +I am off. Could you give me a few Martini-Henry cartridges?' +I could, and did, with proper secrecy. He helped himself, +with a wink at me, to a handful of my tobacco. `Between sailors-- +you know--good English tobacco.' At the door of the pilot-house +he turned round--' I say, haven't you a pair of shoes you could spare?' +He raised one leg. `Look.' The soles were tied with knotted +strings sandal-wise under his bare feet. I rooted out an old pair, +at which he looked with admiration before tucking it under his left arm. +One of his pockets (bright red) was bulging with cartridges, +from the other (dark blue) peeped `Towson's Inquiry,' &c., &c. He +seemed to think himself excellently well equipped for a renewed +encounter with the wilderness. `Ah! I'll never, never meet +such a man again. You ought to have heard him recite poetry-- +his own too it was, he told me. Poetry!' He rolled his eyes at +the recollection of these delights. `Oh, he enlarged my mind!' +`Goodby,' said I. He shook hands and vanished in the night. +Sometimes I ask myself whether I had ever really seen him-- +whether it was possible to meet such a phenomenon! . . . + +"When I woke up shortly after midnight his warning came to my mind +with its hint of danger that seemed, in the starred darkness, +real enough to make me get up for the purpose of having a look round. +On the hill a big fire burned, illuminating fitfully a crooked corner +of the station-house. One of the agents with a picket of a few of +our blacks, armed for the purpose, was keeping guard over the ivory; +but deep within the forest, red gleams that wavered, that seemed +to sink and rise from the ground amongst confused columnar shapes +of intense blackness, showed the exact position of the camp +where Mr. Kurtz's adorers were keeping their uneasy vigil. +The monotonous beating of a big drum filled the air with muffled +shocks and a lingering vibration. A steady droning sound of many men +chanting each to himself some weird incantation came out from the black, +flat wall of the woods as the humming of bees comes out of a hive, +and had a strange narcotic effect upon my half-awake senses. +I believe I dozed off leaning over the rail, till an abrupt burst +of yells, an overwhelming outbreak of a pent-up and mysterious frenzy, +woke me up in a bewildered wonder. It was cut short all at once, +and the low droning went on with an effect of audible and soothing silence. +I glanced casually into the little cabin. A light was burning within, +but Mr. Kurtz was not there. + +"I think I would have raised an outcry if I had believed my eyes. +But I didn't believe them at first--the thing seemed so impossible. +The fact is I was completely unnerved by a sheer blank fright, +pure abstract terror, unconnected with any distinct shape +of physical danger. What made this emotion so overpowering was-- +how shall I define it?--the moral shock I received, +as if something altogether monstrous, intolerable to thought +and odious to the soul, had been thrust upon me unexpectedly. +This lasted of course the merest fraction of a second, and then +the usual sense of commonplace, deadly danger, the possibility +of a sudden onslaught and massacre, or something of the kind, +which I saw impending, was positively welcome and composing. +It pacified me, in fact, so much, that I did not raise an alarm. + +"There was an agent buttoned up inside an ulster and sleeping on a chair +on deck within three feet of me. The yells had not awakened him; +he snored very slightly; I left him to his slumbers and leaped ashore. +I did not betray Mr. Kurtz--it was ordered I should never betray him-- +it was written I should be loyal to the nightmare of my choice. +I was anxious to deal with this shadow by myself alone,--and to this day +I don't know why I was so jealous of sharing with anyone the peculiar +blackness of that experience. + +"As soon as I got on the bank I saw a trail--a broad trail through +the grass. I remember the exultation with which I said to myself, +`He can't walk--he is crawling on all-fours--I've got him.' +The grass was wet with dew. I strode rapidly with clenched fists. +I fancy I had some vague notion of falling upon him and giving +him a drubbing. I don't know. I had some imbecile thoughts. +The knitting old woman with the cat obtruded herself upon my memory +as a most improper person to be sitting at the other end of such +an affair. I saw a row of pilgrims squirting lead in the air +out of Winchesters held to the hip. I thought I would never get +back to the steamer, and imagined myself living alone and unarmed +in the woods to an advanced age. Such silly things--you know. +And I remember I confounded the beat of the drum with the beating +of my heart, and was pleased at its calm regularity. + +"I kept to the track though--then stopped to listen. +The night was very clear: a dark blue space, sparkling with +dew and starlight, in which black things stood very still. +I thought I could see a kind of motion ahead of me. +I was strangely cocksure of everything that night. +I actually left the track and ran in a wide semicircle (I verily +believe chuckling to myself) so as to get in front of that stir, +of that motion I had seen--if indeed I had seen anything. +I was circumventing Kurtz as though it had been a boyish game. + +"I came upon him, and, if he had not heard me coming, +I would have fallen over him too, but he got up in time. +He rose, unsteady, long, pale, indistinct, like a vapor exhaled +by the earth, and swayed slightly, misty and silent before me; +while at my back the fires loomed between the trees, and the murmur +of many voices issued from the forest. I had cut him off cleverly; +but when actually confronting him I seemed to come to my senses, +I saw the danger in its right proportion. It was by no means over yet. +Suppose he began to shout? Though he could hardly stand, +there was still plenty of vigor in his voice. `Go away-- +hide yourself,' he said, in that profound tone. It was very awful. +I glanced back. We were within thirty yards from the nearest fire. +A black figure stood up, strode on long black legs, waving long +black arms, across the glow. It had horns--antelope horns, I think-- +on its head. Some sorcerer, some witch-man, no doubt: it looked +fiend-like enough. `Do you know what you are doing?' I whispered. +`Perfectly,' he answered, raising his voice for that single word: +it sounded to me far off and yet loud, like a hail through a +speaking-trumpet. `If he makes a row we are lost,' I thought to myself. +This clearly was not a case for fisticuffs, even apart from +the very natural aversion I had to beat that Shadow--this wandering +and tormented thing. `You will be lost,' I said--'utterly lost.' +One gets sometimes such a flash of inspiration, you know. +I did say the right thing, though indeed he could not have +been more irretrievably lost than he was at this very moment, +when the foundations of our intimacy were being laid--to endure-- +to endure--even to the end--even beyond. + +"`I had immense plans,' he muttered irresolutely. +`Yes,' said I; `but if you try to shout I'll smash your +head with--' There was not a stick or a stone near. +`I will throttle you for good,' I corrected myself. +`I was on the threshold of great things,' he pleaded, in a voice +of longing, with a wistfulness of tone that made my blood run cold. +`And now for this stupid scoundrel--' `Your success in Europe +is assured in any case,' I affirmed, steadily. I did not want +to have the throttling of him, you understand--and indeed it +would have been very little use for any practical purpose. +I tried to break the spell--the heavy, mute spell of the wilderness-- +that seemed to draw him to its pitiless breast by the awakening +of forgotten and brutal instincts, by the memory of gratified +and monstrous passions. This alone, I was convinced, +had driven him out to the edge of the forest, to the bush, +towards the gleam of fires, the throb of drums, the drone +of weird incantations; this alone had beguiled his unlawful soul +beyond the bounds of permitted aspirations. And, don't you see, +the terror of the position was not in being knocked on the head-- +though I had a very lively sense of that danger too--but in this, +that I had to deal with a being to whom I could not appeal in +the name of anything high or low. I had, even like the niggers, +to invoke him--himself his own exalted and incredible degradation. +There was nothing either above or below him, and I knew it. +He had kicked himself loose of the earth. Confound the man! +he had kicked the very earth to pieces. He was alone, +and I before him did not know whether I stood on the ground +or floated in the air. I've been telling you what we said-- +repeating the phrases we pronounced,--but what's the good? +They were common everyday words,--the familiar, vague sounds +exchanged on every waking day of life. But what of that? +They had behind them, to my mind, the terrific suggestiveness +of words heard in dreams, of phrases spoken in nightmares. +Soul! If anybody had ever struggled with a soul, I am the man. +And I wasn't arguing with a lunatic either. Believe me or not, +his intelligence was perfectly clear--concentrated, it is true, +upon himself with horrible intensity, yet clear; and therein +was my only chance--barring, of course, the killing him there +and then, which wasn't so good, on account of unavoidable noise. +But his soul was mad. Being alone in the wilderness, it had looked +within itself, and, by heavens! I tell you, it had gone mad. +I had--for my sins, I suppose--to go through the ordeal of looking +into it myself. No eloquence could have been so withering +to one's belief in mankind as his final burst of sincerity. +He struggled with himself, too. I saw it,--I heard it. +I saw the inconceivable mystery of a soul that knew no restraint, +no faith, and no fear, yet struggling blindly with itself. +I kept my head pretty well; but when I had him at last stretched +on the couch, I wiped my forehead, while my legs shook under me +as though I had carried half a ton on my back down that hill. +And yet I had only supported him, his bony arm clasped round my neck-- +and he was not much heavier than a child. + +"When next day we left at noon, the crowd, of whose presence behind +the curtain of trees I had been acutely conscious all the time, +flowed out of the woods again, filled the clearing, covered the slope +with a mass of naked, breathing, quivering, bronze bodies. +I steamed up a bit, then swung down-stream, and two thousand eyes followed +the evolutions of the splashing, thumping, fierce river-demon beating +the water with its terrible tail and breathing black smoke into the air. +In front of the first rank, along the river, three men, plastered with +bright red earth from head to foot, strutted to and fro restlessly. +When we came abreast again, they faced the river, stamped their feet, +nodded their horned heads, swayed their scarlet bodies; they shook +towards the fierce river-demon a bunch of black feathers, a mangy +skin with a pendent tail--something that looked like a dried gourd; +they shouted periodically together strings of amazing words that resembled +no sounds of human language; and the deep murmurs of the crowd, +interrupted suddenly, were like the response of some satanic litany. + +"We had carried Kurtz into the pilot-house: there was more air there. +Lying on the couch, he stared through the open shutter. +There was an eddy in the mass of human bodies, and the woman +with helmeted head and tawny cheeks rushed out to the very brink +of the stream. She put out her hands, shouted something, +and all that wild mob took up the shout in a roaring chorus +of articulated, rapid, breathless utterance. + +"`Do you understand this?' I asked. + +"He kept on looking out past me with fiery, longing eyes, with a +mingled expression of wistfulness and hate. He made no answer, +but I saw a smile, a smile of indefinable meaning, appear on +his colorless lips that a moment after twitched convulsively. +`Do I not?' he said slowly, gasping, as if the words had been +torn out of him by a supernatural power. + +"I pulled the string of the whistle, and I did this because I +saw the pilgrims on deck getting out their rifles with an air +of anticipating a jolly lark. At the sudden screech there was +a movement of abject terror through that wedged mass of bodies. +`Don't! Don't you frighten them away,' cried someone on +deck disconsolately. I pulled the string time after time. +They broke and ran, they leaped, they crouched, they swerved, +they dodged the flying terror of the sound. The three red chaps had +fallen flat, face down on the shore, as though they had been shot dead. +Only the barbarous and superb woman did not so much as flinch, +and stretched tragically her bare arms after us over the somber +and glittering river. + +"And then that imbecile crowd down on the deck started their little fun, +and I could see nothing more for smoke. + +"The brown current ran swiftly out of the heart of darkness, +bearing us down towards the sea with twice the speed of our +upward progress; and Kurtz's life was running swiftly too, +ebbing, ebbing out of his heart into the sea of inexorable time. +The manager was very placid, he had no vital anxieties now, +he took us both in with a comprehensive and satisfied glance: +the `affair' had come off as well as could be wished. +I saw the time approaching when I would be left alone of +the party of `unsound method.' The pilgrims looked upon me +with disfavor. I was, so to speak, numbered with the dead. +It is strange how I accepted this unforeseen partnership, +this choice of nightmares forced upon me in the tenebrous land +invaded by these mean and greedy phantoms. + +"Kurtz discoursed. A voice! a voice! It rang deep to the very last. +It survived his strength to hide in the magnificent folds of eloquence +the barren darkness of his heart. Oh, he struggled! he struggled! +The wastes of his weary brain were haunted by shadowy images now--images of +wealth and fame revolving obsequiously round his unextinguishable gift +of noble and lofty expression. My Intended, my station, my career, my ideas-- +these were the subjects for the occasional utterances of elevated sentiments. +The shade of the original Kurtz frequented the bedside of the hollow sham, +whose fate it was to be buried presently in the mold of primeval earth. +But both the diabolic love and the unearthly hate of the mysteries +it had penetrated fought for the possession of that soul satiated +with primitive emotions, avid of lying fame, of sham distinction, +of all the appearances of success and power. + +"Sometimes he was contemptibly childish. He desired to have +kings meet him at railway-stations on his return from some +ghastly Nowhere, where he intended to accomplish great things. +`You show them you have in you something that is really profitable, +and then there will be no limits to the recognition of your ability,' +he would say. `Of course you must take care of the motives-- +right motives--always.' The long reaches that were like one +and the same reach, monotonous bends that were exactly alike, +slipped past the steamer with their multitude of secular trees +looking patiently after this grimy fragment of another world, +the forerunner of change, of conquest, of trade, of massacres, +of blessings. I looked ahead--piloting. `Close the shutter,' +said Kurtz suddenly one day; `I can't bear to look at this.' +I did so. There was a silence. `Oh, but I will wring your heart yet!' +he cried at the invisible wilderness. + +"We broke down--as I had expected--and had to lie up for repairs at the head +of an island. This delay was the first thing that shook Kurtz's confidence. +One morning he gave me a packet of papers and a photograph,-- +the lot tied together with a shoe-string. `Keep this for me,' he said. +`This noxious fool' (meaning the manager) `is capable of prying +into my boxes when I am not looking.' In the afternoon I saw him. +He was lying on his back with closed eyes, and I withdrew quietly, +but I heard him mutter, `Live rightly, die, die . . .' I listened. +There was nothing more. Was he rehearsing some speech in his sleep, +or was it a fragment of a phrase from some newspaper article? +He had been writing for the papers and meant to do so again, +`for the furthering of my ideas. It's a duty.' + +"His was an impenetrable darkness. I looked at him as you peer +down at a man who is lying at the bottom of a precipice where the sun +never shines. But I had not much time to give him, because I was +helping the engine-driver to take to pieces the leaky cylinders, +to straighten a bent connecting-rod, and in other such matters. +I lived in an infernal mess of rust, filings, nuts, bolts, spanners, +hammers, ratchet-drills--things I abominate, because I don't get +on with them. I tended the little forge we fortunately had aboard; +I toiled wearily in a wretched scrap-heap--unless I had the shakes +too bad to stand. + +"One evening coming in with a candle I was startled to hear him say +a little tremulously, `I am lying here in the dark waiting for death.' +The light was within a foot of his eyes. I forced myself to murmur, +`Oh, nonsense!' and stood over him as if transfixed. + +"Anything approaching the change that came over his features I have +never seen before, and hope never to see again. Oh, I wasn't touched. +I was fascinated. It was as though a veil had been rent. +I saw on that ivory face the expression of somber pride, +of ruthless power, of craven terror--of an intense and hopeless despair. +Did he live his life again in every detail of desire, temptation, +and surrender during that supreme moment of complete knowledge? +He cried in a whisper at some image, at some vision,--he cried +out twice, a cry that was no more than a breath-- + +"`The horror! The horror!' + +"I blew the candle out and left the cabin. The pilgrims were dining +in the mess-room, and I took my place opposite the manager, who lifted +his eyes to give me a questioning glance, which I successfully ignored. +He leaned back, serene, with that peculiar smile of his sealing +the unexpressed depths of his meanness. A continuous shower of small +flies streamed upon the lamp, upon the cloth, upon our hands and faces. +Suddenly the manager's boy put his insolent black head in the doorway, +and said in a tone of scathing contempt-- + +"`Mistah Kurtz--he dead.' + +"All the pilgrims rushed out to see. I remained, and went on with my dinner. +I believe I was considered brutally callous. However, I did not eat much. +There was a lamp in there--light, don't you know--and outside it was +so beastly, beastly dark. I went no more near the remarkable man who had +pronounced a judgment upon the adventures of his soul on this earth. +The voice was gone. What else had been there? But I am of course aware +that next day the pilgrims buried something in a muddy hole. + +"And then they very nearly buried me. + +"However, as you see, I did not go to join Kurtz there and then. +I did not. I remained to dream the nightmare out to the end, and to show +my loyalty to Kurtz once more. Destiny. My destiny! Droll thing life is-- +that mysterious arrangement of merciless logic for a futile purpose. +The most you can hope from it is some knowledge of yourself--that comes +too late--a crop of unextinguishable regrets. I have wrestled with death. +It is the most unexciting contest you can imagine. It takes place +in an impalpable grayness, with nothing underfoot, with nothing around, +without spectators, without clamor, without glory, without the great desire +of victory, without the great fear of defeat, in a sickly atmosphere +of tepid skepticism, without much belief in your own right, and still +less in that of your adversary. If such is the form of ultimate wisdom, +then life is a greater riddle than some of us think it to be. +I was within a hair's-breadth of the last opportunity for pronouncement, +and I found with humiliation that probably I would have nothing to say. +This is the reason why I affirm that Kurtz was a remarkable man. +He had something to say. He said it. Since I had peeped over the edge +myself, I understand better the meaning of his stare, that could not see +the flame of the candle, but was wide enough to embrace the whole universe, +piercing enough to penetrate all the hearts that beat in the darkness. +He had summed up--he had judged. `The horror!' He was a remarkable man. +After all, this was the expression of some sort of belief; it had candor, +it had conviction, it had a vibrating note of revolt in its whisper, +it had the appalling face of a glimpsed truth--the strange commingling +of desire and hate. And it is not my own extremity I remember best-- +a vision of grayness without form filled with physical pain, +and a careless contempt for the evanescence of all things--even of this +pain itself. No! It is his extremity that I seem to have lived through. +True, he had made that last stride, he had stepped over the edge, +while I had been permitted to draw back my hesitating foot. +And perhaps in this is the whole difference; perhaps all the wisdom, +and all truth, and all sincerity, are just compressed into that +inappreciable moment of time in which we step over the threshold +of the invisible. Perhaps! I like to think my summing-up would not +have been a word of careless contempt. Better his cry--much better. +It was an affirmation, a moral victory paid for by innumerable defeats, +by abominable terrors, by abominable satisfactions. But it was a victory! +That is why I have remained loyal to Kurtz to the last, and even beyond, +when a long time after I heard once more, not his own voice, but the echo +of his magnificent eloquence thrown to me from a soul as translucently +pure as a cliff of crystal. + +"No, they did not bury me, though there is a period of time which I +remember mistily, with a shuddering wonder, like a passage through +some inconceivable world that had no hope in it and no desire. +I found myself back in the sepulchral city resenting the sight +of people hurrying through the streets to filch a little money +from each other, to devour their infamous cookery, to gulp their +unwholesome beer, to dream their insignificant and silly dreams. +They trespassed upon my thoughts. They were intruders whose +knowledge of life was to me an irritating pretense, because I +felt so sure they could not possibly know the things I knew. +Their bearing, which was simply the bearing of commonplace +individuals going about their business in the assurance of +perfect safety, was offensive to me like the outrageous flauntings +of folly in the face of a danger it is unable to comprehend. +I had no particular desire to enlighten them, but I had some +difficulty in restraining myself from laughing in their faces, so full +of stupid importance. I dare say I was not very well at that time. +I tottered about the streets--there were various affairs +to settle--grinning bitterly at perfectly respectable persons. +I admit my behavior was inexcusable, but then my temperature +was seldom normal in these days. My dear aunt's endeavors +to `nurse up my strength' seemed altogether beside the mark. +It was not my strength that wanted nursing, it was my +imagination that wanted soothing. I kept the bundle of papers +given me by Kurtz, not knowing exactly what to do with it. +His mother had died lately, watched over, as I was told, +by his Intended. A clean-shaved man, with an official manner +and wearing gold-rimmed spectacles, called on me one day and +made inquiries, at first circuitous, afterwards suavely pressing, +about what he was pleased to denominate certain `documents.' +I was not surprised, because I had had two rows with the manager +on the subject out there. I had refused to give up the smallest +scrap out of that package, and I took the same attitude +with the spectacled man. He became darkly menacing at last, +and with much heat argued that the Company had the right to every +bit of information about its `territories.' And, said he, +`Mr. Kurtz's knowledge of unexplored regions must have been +necessarily extensive and peculiar--owing to his great abilities +and to the deplorable circumstances in which he had been placed: +therefore'--I assured him Mr. Kurtz's knowledge, however extensive, +did not bear upon the problems of commerce or administration. +He invoked then the name of science. `It would be an incalculable +loss if,' &c., &c. I offered him the report on the `Suppression +of Savage Customs,' with the postscriptum torn off. He took it +up eagerly, but ended by sniffing at it with an air of contempt. +`This is not what we had a right to expect,' he remarked. +`Expect nothing else,' I said. `There are only private letters.' +He withdrew upon some threat of legal proceedings, and I saw him +no more; but another fellow, calling himself Kurtz's cousin, +appeared two days later, and was anxious to hear all the details +about his dear relative's last moments. Incidentally he gave me +to understand that Kurtz had been essentially a great musician. +`There was the making of an immense success,' said the man, +who was an organist, I believe, with lank gray hair flowing over +a greasy coat-collar. I had no reason to doubt his statement; +and to this day I am unable to say what was Kurtz's profession, +whether he ever had any--which was the greatest of his talents. +I had taken him for a painter who wrote for the papers, +or else for a journalist who could paint--but even the cousin +(who took snuff during the interview) could not tell me what +he had been--exactly. He was a universal genius--on that point +I agreed with the old chap, who thereupon blew his nose noisily +into a large cotton handkerchief and withdrew in senile agitation, +bearing off some family letters and memoranda without importance. +Ultimately a journalist anxious to know something of the fate +of his `dear colleague' turned up. This visitor informed me Kurtz's +proper sphere ought to have been politics `on the popular side.' +He had furry straight eyebrows, bristly hair cropped short, +an eye-glass on a broad ribbon, and, becoming expansive, +confessed his opinion that Kurtz really couldn't write +a bit--'but heavens! how that man could talk! He electrified +large meetings. He had faith--don't you see?--he had the faith. +He could get himself to believe anything--anything. +He would have been a splendid leader of an extreme party.' +`What party?' I asked. `Any party,' answered the other. +`He was an--an--extremist.' Did I not think so? I assented. +Did I know, he asked, with a sudden flash of curiosity, +`what it was that had induced him to go out there?' +`Yes,' said I, and forthwith handed him the famous Report +for publication, if he thought fit. He glanced through +it hurriedly, mumbling all the time, judged `it would do,' +and took himself off with this plunder. + +"Thus I was left at last with a slim packet of letters +and the girl's portrait. She struck me as beautiful--I mean +she had a beautiful expression. I know that the sunlight can +be made to lie too, yet one felt that no manipulation of light +and pose could have conveyed the delicate shade of truthfulness +upon those features. She seemed ready to listen without mental +reservation, without suspicion, without a thought for herself. +I concluded I would go and give her back her portrait and those +letters myself. Curiosity? Yes; and also some other feeling perhaps. +All that had been Kurtz's had passed out of my hands: +his soul, his body, his station, his plans, his ivory, +his career. There remained only his memory and his Intended-- +and I wanted to give that up too to the past, in a way,-- +to surrender personally all that remained of him with me +to that oblivion which is the last word of our common fate. +I don't defend myself. I had no clear perception of what it was I +really wanted. Perhaps it was an impulse of unconscious loyalty, +or the fulfillment of one of these ironic necessities that lurk +in the facts of human existence. I don't know. I can't tell. +But I went. + +"I thought his memory was like the other memories of the dead +that accumulate in every man's life,--a vague impress on the brain +of shadows that had fallen on it in their swift and final passage; +but before the high and ponderous door, between the tall +houses of a street as still and decorous as a well-kept +alley in a cemetery, I had a vision of him on the stretcher, +opening his mouth voraciously, as if to devour all the earth +with all its mankind. He lived then before me; he lived as much +as he had ever lived--a shadow insatiable of splendid appearances, +of frightful realities; a shadow darker than the shadow of the night, +and draped nobly in the folds of a gorgeous eloquence. +The vision seemed to enter the house with me--the stretcher, +the phantom-bearers, the wild crowd of obedient worshipers, +the gloom of the forests, the glitter of the reach between +the murky bends, the beat of the drum, regular and muffled +like the beating of a heart--the heart of a conquering darkness. +It was a moment of triumph for the wilderness, an invading +and vengeful rush which, it seemed to me, I would have +to keep back alone for the salvation of another soul. +And the memory of what I had heard him say afar there, +with the horned shapes stirring at my back, in the glow of fires, +within the patient woods, those broken phrases came back to me, +were heard again in their ominous and terrifying simplicity. +I remembered his abject pleading, his abject threats, +the colossal scale of his vile desires, the meanness, the torment, +the tempestuous anguish of his soul. And later on I seemed to see +his collected languid manner, when he said one day, `This lot +of ivory now is really mine. The Company did not pay for it. +I collected it myself at a very great personal risk. +I am afraid they will try to claim it as theirs though. +H'm. It is a difficult case. What do you think I ought +to do--resist? Eh? I want no more than justice.' +. . . He wanted no more than justice--no more than justice. +I rang the bell before a mahogany door on the first floor, +and while I waited he seemed to stare at me out of the glassy panel-- +stare with that wide and immense stare embracing, condemning, +loathing all the universe. I seemed to hear the whispered cry, +`The horror! The horror!' + +"The dusk was falling. I had to wait in a lofty drawing-room +with three long windows from floor to ceiling that were +like three luminous and bedraped columns. The bent gilt +legs and backs of the furniture shone in indistinct curves. +The tall marble fireplace had a cold and monumental whiteness. +A grand piano stood massively in a corner, with dark gleams +on the flat surfaces like a somber and polished sarcophagus. +A high door opened--closed. I rose. + +"She came forward, all in black, with a pale head, floating towards +me in the dusk. She was in mourning. It was more than a year +since his death, more than a year since the news came; +she seemed as though she would remember and mourn for ever. +She took both my hands in hers and murmured, `I had heard you +were coming.' I noticed she was not very young--I mean not girlish. +She had a mature capacity for fidelity, for belief, for suffering. +The room seemed to have grown darker, as if all the sad light +of the cloudy evening had taken refuge on her forehead. +This fair hair, this pale visage, this pure brow, seemed surrounded +by an ashy halo from which the dark eyes looked out at me. +Their glance was guileless, profound, confident, and trustful. +She carried her sorrowful head as though she were proud +of that sorrow, as though she would say, `I--I alone know +how to mourn for him as he deserves. But while we were still +shaking hands, such a look of awful desolation came upon her face +that I perceived she was one of those creatures that are not +the playthings of Time. For her he had died only yesterday. +And, by Jove! the impression was so powerful that for me too +he seemed to have died only yesterday--nay, this very minute. +I saw her and him in the same instant of time--his death and +her sorrow--I saw her sorrow in the very moment of his death. +Do you understand? I saw them together--I heard them together. +She had said, with a deep catch of the breath, `I have survived;' +while my strained ears seemed to hear distinctly, mingled with +her tone of despairing regret, the summing-up whisper of his +eternal condemnation. I asked myself what I was doing there, +with a sensation of panic in my heart as though I had blundered +into a place of cruel and absurd mysteries not fit for a human +being to behold. She motioned me to a chair. We sat down. +I laid the packet gently on the little table, and she put +her hand over it. . . . `You knew him well,' she murmured, +after a moment of mourning silence. + +"`Intimacy grows quick out there,' I said. `I knew him as well as it +is possible for one man to know another.' + +"`And you admired him,' she said. `It was impossible to know +him and not to admire him. Was it?' + +"`He was a remarkable man,' I said, unsteadily. Then before the appealing +fixity of her gaze, that seemed to watch for more words on my lips, I went on, +`It was impossible not to--' + +"`Love him,' she finished eagerly, silencing me into an appalled dumbness. +`How true! how true! But when you think that no one knew him so well +as I! I had all his noble confidence. I knew him best.' + +"`You knew him best,' I repeated. And perhaps she did. +But with every word spoken the room was growing darker, +and only her forehead, smooth and white, remained illumined +by the unextinguishable light of belief and love. + +"`You were his friend,' she went on. `His friend,' she repeated, +a little louder. `You must have been, if he had given you this, +and sent you to me. I feel I can speak to you--and oh! +I must speak. I want you--you who have heard his last words-- +to know I have been worthy of him. . . . It is not pride. +. . . Yes! I am proud to know I understood him better than +anyone on earth--he told me so himself. And since his mother +died I have had no one--no one--to--to--' + +"I listened. The darkness deepened. I was not even sure whether +he had given me the right bundle. I rather suspect he wanted me +to take care of another batch of his papers which, after his death, +I saw the manager examining under the lamp. And the girl talked, +easing her pain in the certitude of my sympathy; she talked as thirsty +men drink. I had heard that her engagement with Kurtz had been +disapproved by her people. He wasn't rich enough or something. +And indeed I don't know whether he had not been a pauper all his life. +He had given me some reason to infer that it was his impatience +of comparative poverty that drove him out there. + +"`. . . Who was not his friend who had heard him speak once?' +she was saying. `He drew men towards him by what was best in them.' +She looked at me with intensity. `It is the gift of the great,' +she went on, and the sound of her low voice seemed to have the +accompaniment of all the other sounds, full of mystery, desolation, +and sorrow, I had ever heard--the ripple of the river, the soughing +of the trees swayed by the wind, the murmurs of wild crowds, +the faint ring of incomprehensible words cried from afar, the whisper +of a voice speaking from beyond the threshold of an eternal darkness. +`But you have heard him! You know!' she cried. + +"`Yes, I know,' I said with something like despair in my heart, +but bowing my head before the faith that was in her, before that great +and saving illusion that shone with an unearthly glow in the darkness, +in the triumphant darkness from which I could not have defended her-- +from which I could not even defend myself. + +"`What a loss to me--to us!'--she corrected herself with +beautiful generosity; then added in a murmur, `To the world.' +By the last gleams of twilight I could see the glitter of her eyes, +full of tears--of tears that would not fall. + +"`I have been very happy--very fortunate--very proud,' +she went on. `Too fortunate. Too happy for a little while. +And now I am unhappy for--for life.' + +"She stood up; her fair hair seemed to catch all the remaining +light in a glimmer of gold. I rose too. + +"`And of all this,' she went on, mournfully, `of all +his promise, and of all his greatness, of his generous mind, +of his noble heart, nothing remains--nothing but a memory. +You and I--' + +"`We shall always remember him,' I said, hastily. + +"`No!' she cried. `It is impossible that all this should be lost-- +that such a life should be sacrificed to leave nothing--but sorrow. +You know what vast plans he had. I knew of them too--I could not +perhaps understand,--but others knew of them. Something must remain. +His words, at least, have not died.' + +"`His words will remain,' I said. + +"`And his example,' she whispered to herself. `Men looked up to him,-- +his goodness shone in every act. His example--' + +"`True,' I said; `his example too. Yes, his example. +I forgot that.' + +"`But I do not. I cannot--I cannot believe--not yet. +I cannot believe that I shall never see him again, that nobody +will see him again, never, never, never.' + +"She put out her arms as if after a retreating figure, stretching them +black and with clasped pale hands across the fading and narrow sheen +of the window. Never see him! I saw him clearly enough then. +I shall see this eloquent phantom as long as I live, and I shall see her too, +a tragic and familiar Shade, resembling in this gesture another one, +tragic also, and bedecked with powerless charms, stretching bare brown +arms over the glitter of the infernal stream, the stream of darkness. +She said suddenly very low, `He died as he lived.' + +"`His end,' said I, with dull anger stirring in me, `was in every +way worthy of his life.' + +"`And I was not with him,' she murmured. My anger subsided before a feeling +of infinite pity. + +"`Everything that could be done--' I mumbled. + +"`Ah, but I believed in him more than anyone on earth--more than +his own mother, more than--himself. He needed me! Me! I would +have treasured every sigh, every word, every sign, every glance.' + +"I felt like a chill grip on my chest. `Don't,' I said, +in a muffled voice. + +"`Forgive me. I--I-- have mourned so long in silence--in silence. +. . . You were with him--to the last? I think of his loneliness. +Nobody near to understand him as I would have understood. +Perhaps no one to hear. . . .' + +"`To the very end,' I said, shakily. `I heard his very last words. +. . .' I stopped in a fright. + +"`Repeat them,' she said in a heart-broken tone. `I want-- +I want--something--something--to--to live with.' + +"I was on the point of crying at her, `Don't you hear them?' +The dusk was repeating them in a persistent whisper all around us, +in a whisper that seemed to swell menacingly like the first whisper +of a rising wind. `The horror! The horror!' + +"`His last word--to live with,' she murmured. `Don't you understand +I loved him--I loved him--I loved him!' + +"I pulled myself together and spoke slowly. + +"`The last word he pronounced was--your name.' + +"I heard a light sigh, and then my heart stood still, +stopped dead short by an exulting and terrible cry, +by the cry of inconceivable triumph and of unspeakable pain. +`I knew it--I was sure!' . . . She knew. She was sure. +I heard her weeping; she had hidden her face in her hands. +It seemed to me that the house would collapse before I could escape, +that the heavens would fall upon my head. But nothing happened. +The heavens do not fall for such a trifle. Would they have fallen, +I wonder, if I had rendered Kurtz that justice which was his due? +Hadn't he said he wanted only justice? But I couldn't. I could +not tell her. It would have been too dark--too dark altogether. +. . ." + +Marlow ceased, and sat apart, indistinct and silent, +in the pose of a meditating Buddha. Nobody moved for a time. +"We have lost the first of the ebb," said the Director, suddenly. +I raised my head. The offing was barred by a black bank +of clouds, and the tranquil waterway leading to the uttermost +ends of the earth flowed somber under an overcast sky-- +seemed to lead into the heart of an immense darkness. + + + + + +End of The Project Gutenberg Etext of Heart of Darkness + + diff --git a/old/hdark12a.zip b/old/hdark12a.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..360a8aa --- /dev/null +++ b/old/hdark12a.zip |