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| committer | nfenwick <nfenwick@pglaf.org> | 2025-02-06 01:36:56 -0800 |
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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f9e39c2 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #52494 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/52494) diff --git a/old/52494-0.txt b/old/52494-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index b661451..0000000 --- a/old/52494-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,8860 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of The English Rogue: Continued in the Life of -Meriton Latroon, And other Extravagants, Co, by Francis Kirkman - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - - - -Title: The English Rogue: Continued in the Life of Meriton Latroon, And other Extravagants, Comprehending the most Eminent Cheats of Both Sexes - The Third Part - -Author: Francis Kirkman - -Release Date: July 4, 2016 [EBook #52494] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ENGLISH ROGUE: CONTINUED *** - - - - -Produced by KD Weeks, Chris Curnow and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -file was produced from images generously made available -by The Internet Archive) - - - - - - - Transcriber’s Note - -This version of the text cannot represent certain typographical effects. -Italics are delimited with the ‘_’ character as _italic_. - -Given the publication date (late 17th century), the capitalization, -spelling and punctuation of the original, is variable, There are a -number of instances where it is very likely a printer's error has been -made, These have been corrected, and are summarized in the transcriber’s -note at the end of the text. - -There are several full page panelled illustrations, which were not -included in the pagination, and have been moved slightly in the text in -order to avoid falling within a paragraph. Each panel serves as -illustration of a numbered chapter. - -Several concessions to modernity are made. The text employed the long -‘s’ (‘ſ’), which has been rendered here as a modern ‘s’. Likewise the -ligature of ‘ct’ is given as the two separate chararacters. - -[Illustration] - - THE - - English Rogue: - - Continued in the Life of - - MERITON LATROON - - AND OTHER - - EXTRAVAGANTS: - - Comprehending the most Eminent - - CHEATS - - OF - - BOTH SEXES. - - Read, _but do’nt_ Practice: _for the Author findes, - They which live_ Honest _have most quiet mindes_. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - The _Third_ Part. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - With the Illustration of Pictures to every - Chapter. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - _LONDON_: - - Printed by _Anne Johnson_ for _Fran. Kirkman_, and - are to be sold at his Shop in _Fan-Church - Street_ over against the Sign of the _Robin - Hood_ neer _Algate_. 1674. - -[Illustration: decoration] - - The Preface. - -Gentlemen! - -_In the first impression of this third part, a large and as I thought a -sufficient Apologie was made, for the Writing and publishing thereof. -Wherefore I shall not enlarge at this time, onely tell you that you have -here laid before you, a large Catalogue of all sorts of notorious -Rogueries; your own consciences may serve as a finger in the Margin, -pointing directly to the Guilt with which you are principally concern’d; -to deal plainly with you, had I lived in a less wicked Age than this is, -this Book had ne’re been extant; it was the vicious practices of these -corrupted times, that gave it matter and form, life and being: had the -evil inclinations of men extended no further, then to some wagish -excursions, I should have been silent; but since_ Villany _improves it -self daily, notwithstanding the many lamentable examples monthly -attending the commission thereof. I thought good to erect this Monument -of their shame and wickedness, which may serve instead of a continuall_ -Sessions, _an ever-lasting_ Tyburn, _to fright these vile miscreants -from their enormous practices: I know not with what faces they can -perpetrate that again, which is now so notoriously laid open to the view -of the whole world; the beastliness of their debaucheries stinking above -ground. But I have heard some men say, that the writing of this is not -the probable way of reducing, but increasing the number of such persons -whose enormities I have just cause to complain of: I would not have you -to be so rash in your Judgments, as uncharitably to believe me to be a_ -Seminary _of_ Vice, _and that I erected a Nursery for its propagation, -for I must assure you I am of better principles, and that no_ profit -_whatsoever shall buy out my interest in a good_ conscience. _What I -have done is well intended, and is the product of a painful Experience, -Travel, and Expence; and if you will have a little patience, you shall -find (in the winding up of the bottom by the conclusion of this Story, -in a fifth and last Part, which is very suddenly intended) that no crime -shall go unpunished, no particular Person who hath been guilty of these -vicious Extravagancies but shall have a punishment suitable to their -crimes: and then I hope all persons who make use of this Book to -practice debaucheries, will be induced to forbear and decline their -wickedness, lest a just judgment overtake them, as they will find it -hath done these_ Extravagants. _This is the true design and end of this -Book in generall, and whoever makes any other use or Construction do’s -greatly abuse the real and true intents of their honest_ Monitor. - - _Fra. Kirkman._ - -[Illustration] - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - THE - ENGLISH ROGUE: - - Continued in the Life of - Meriton Latroon, - - AND OTHER - EXTRAVAGANTS. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - _PART III._ - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAP. I. - -_Mrs._ Dorothy _rehearses how she cheats her Lovers; who being with - Child, made all that had to do with her contribute to her expence in - lying in, and recompence her lost honour. She goes into the country to - lay her great Belly; in her Journey she falls into the acquaintance of - a crafty Old Woman_ (alias: _a Procurer_.) - - -Mrs. _Dorothy_ having thus given me an account of her first Adventure, I -received much satisfaction in the Relation; and told her that I found -she was much improved in cunning since my first acquaintance with her; -for I had enjoyed her without much advantage to her self, for she had a -great Belly, with little profit, not knowing who was, or were to find a -Father: whereas now she had her choice of three, and money enough to -boot whereby to purchase a handsome provision for her self and child. -Yes, reply’d she, I did not intend to be caught again; for then it would -have been my own fault, you having experienced me in the fallacies of -your Sex; and therefore, as I told you, I made my bargain with all my -three Friends as politickly as I could; and upon second thoughts, -altered somewhat of the terms I had formerly agreed upon: for whereas my -first Customer had given me twenty pounds in hand, to provide me with -necessaries during my time of lying in, and had agreed to provide for -the Child, when it should be born: I told him I had provided a Nurse for -it already that was willing to take all the charge, and discharge him -from any further trouble, upon payment of fourty pounds more; to this he -easily consented, and gave Bond in to me, in the name of a Friend of -mine; whom I told him was the Party that would make provision for the -Child. - -Thus did I settle matters with the first: and with the second I -continued my bargain, of having twenty pounds down, and fifty pounds -more at the birth of the Child. And my Masters Brother and I continued -our old bargain of the like sum, of twenty pounds down, and fifty pounds -more, to be paid at 6 moneths; neither did I discontinue my -familiarities with any of them; for I managed my affairs so cunningly, -that some nights I lay with my first Customer without the knowledge of -my Master’s Brother, from whom I endeavoured only to conceal it, and not -from my second for he, as I told you, was privy to my dealings with him, -and by that means only first gained his ends upon me: sometimes I lay -with my second Customer, but it was with some regret, for I had the -least affection for him of the three; but now he since he had bled some -of his yellow pieces, and give me what I desired of him, I could not -well refuse him his desires of me, neither was he so shy as formerly; -for he valued not though my Masters Brother sometimes discovered us, for -he knew that our dealings were not concealed from him, and therefore he -was the bolder. But with my Masters Brother I was more free than ever; -he having as much again for his money as either of the other, neither -was it perceived by either of them; for he having the command of the -house, so ordered it, that my Lodging was nearest to his; and therefore -we had the more conveniency to come at one another. - -We drave this trade for some Moneths, till in the end my Master’s -Brother gaining the goodwill of his Sweet-heart, he was married to her, -and then he for some time fell off. But he had not lain with his Wife -above a fortnight, but he became weary of her embraces, and renewed his -love again to me; I at first withstood him, and used Arguments to -disswade him from any such course; but all would not do; for he told me -he found but little pleasure in the cold embraces of his Wife; neither -had he married her, but for her Estate, which was considerable; many -other Arguments he used to perswade me, who was not altogether -unwilling; and so we again renewed our former pleasure; but we were -necessitated to be very private, and only now and then to have a private -meeting in the day time, for he was to accompany his Wife in the Night. -But as privately, and craftily as we carried our selves, we were at -length discovered; for my second Customer, after he had paid for his -pleasure, was more desirous to have his penny-worths out of me, and -still importuned me to interviews so often, that I much grumbled at him; -and he being a weary Fox, still dogg’d and watch’d me, and that so -often, that at length he found me and my Masters Brother in our strict -embraces; he being both glad and angry, without any [by your leave] -entered the Room where we were (the door being only carelesly put to) -and without any words approaching the Bed whereon we lay, drew the -Curtains, and said; well, Master _John_ (for so was his name) that sawce -which is good for the Goose, I hope will be good for the Gander; self -do, self have; I hope, Sir, since you have put in for your share in the -pleasure, you will be share, and share like in the charge. Well, replyed -Mr. _John_, it shall be even as honest Mrs. _Dorothy_ will have it; and -thereupon removed, and sitting upon the Bed, I began to give him bad -words, calling him jealous Coxcomb; and he again flew at me, telling me -that I was insatiate, and that twenty would not serve my turn; and that -now he found the reason of my slighting him, for Mr. _John_; but if we -would not do him Justice, he would be revenged on us both: to that Mr. -_John_ replyed, asking him what he would have? I would, said he, have my -money, and my Bond again; for I see, and find, there is little reason -that I should pay for other mens Leachery; you make me provide for a -Child, that, for ought I know, hath twenty Fathers; well, said I, you -have had too much for your money; and if you are grieved, amend your -self; so I will, said he, furiously going away out of the Room. He being -gone, Mr. _John_ and I fell to consulting, what was to be done in this -affair; and after many propositions, we at length agreed, that it was -most convenient for me to be gone from my service, and to leave -_London_, for some Country Habitation; lest this angred Coxcomb should -mischief us, by discovering our practice to Mr. _John’s_ Wife, or some -else, that was worse: I was willing, and ready to take this course; but -I told Mr. _John_, that moneys would be wanting, to make a handsome -provision for me; for as affairs now stood, there was no expecting any -mony from my angred Customer, but what should be forced from him. That -is true, replyed he; but so soon as the money is due, for which he hath -given you Bond, I will take course with him, and compel him to pay it; -and in the mean time I will furnish you. This was that which I aimed at; -and I knowing that he had lately received a large sum of money for his -Wifes portion, with much ease gained him to pay me the fifty pounds -down, for which he had given me Bond, and being thus provided with -moneys, and making up my pack (which was much improved since my coming) -I prepared for my departure. I as yet knew not what Country to retire -to, but was resolved not to go back into my own; and therefore consulted -with Mr. _John_ about the place; who still hankered after me, resolving -I should not go far, but that he might easily visit me; appointed me a -place about ten Miles from _London_: and because he would not be -suspected of going with me, nor of being any wayes privy to my -departure, he permitted me to take my Journy without him; he promising -in a few dayes to take the opportunity of giving me a visit. - -Thus did I leave his Brother’s House; but not so abruptly, but that I -had the leave of my Master and Mistress; whom I told, that my Father -being sick, had sent for me immediately; and to that end, a Letter was -framed by Mr. _John_, and brought me by a Porter. - -Being now Coach’d for my Journy, I in short time arrived at the Inn, -where I was appointed to stay, till Mr. _John_ should arrive, and make -better provision for me; where an Adventure befell me, which is worthy -of your hearing: For among the rest of the Travellers, there was an -Antient Woman, who took great notice of me, still looking towards my -Apron, and eying very diligently my belly; which although it was now -somewhat greater, being about three Moneths gone with Child; yet I had -endeavoured, by busking it down, and using all other means to hide it; -but the Old Woman was not so dim-sighted, but she discovered the fraud; -and having been a good one her self in her time, quickly smelt out the -matter; and believed, and guessed the cause right, as it was; for my -thinn Chops, and sharp and whitely looks gave evident testimonies of -what disease I was sick of; and looking more throughly upon me, and -examining the features of my buxome Countenance, she conjectured right, -that some good Fellow had got up my belly at _London_, and I was going -into the Country to be lightned of my burthen: she having a while -considered with her self, that I might be very useful for her in an -affair she had then in hand, was very pleasant with me, desiring my -further acquaintance. I was not shye for the matter, but knowing that I -had money enough to bear me out in any cross adventure that might -happen, was resolved to see what the Old Woman meant by her familiarity. -She first gave me Joy of my great Belly; to which I replyed, she might -be mistaken; well, well, said she it matters not, whether I am or no; -but if it be not so, I wish it were; and methinks it is a pity that you -should be sick of any other disease; for I have so much skill in -_Physiognomy_, that I can tell that you are of a more Jovial Temper than -now your countenance shews for, and it is very unfit, that one of your -years and complexion should want the pleasures of a fit Bed-fellow; but -I suppose you are not ignorant of those enjoyments, and have a Husband, -with whom you have experienced the sweet of a Married Life. Truly, -Madam, said I, you are much mistaken; for I never yet entred into that -honourable Estate of Matrimony. Well, that matters not much, replyed -this good Old one; but I have miss’d of my aim, if you are ignorant of -what I have told you; and although you may have no Husband, yet I -believe you have a Friend, who has been dabling with you, and swel’d -your Belly; if it be so, you are not the only she that is guilty of that -pleasing Crime; for I my self have been good in my time; and still have -a Colts tooth in my head. - -Thus did the Old Dotterel initiate her acquaintance with me; and had -well near put me to the blush, but that I turned my face aside, and -gently wip’d it with my Handkerchief; and then I told her she was very -pleasant, and that a little in the extreams, considering the publickness -of the place (there were more Guests in the Room) and our small -acquaintance. As for the place, said she, I must confess, as we are not -all one Womans Children, so we ought to be somewhat careful; but I shall -make amends for that, by desireing you to withdraw into a more private -place; and as for the short time of our acquaintance, I question not, -but we shall quickly set our Horses together, and I hope our present -meeting may be advantagious to us both, especially, if it be as I yet -expect it. What do you mean, said I? That is, replyed she, if you be -with Child, and such a Gamester as I wish you. I was much amazed at this -Womans confidence; but however, she having been so open with me, I -resolved to be as free with her: hoping her words might prove true, and -that some benefit might be made out of her acquaintance; and therefore -advising her to leave that Room, for another more private, she soon -obey’d me; and having entred, and causing a good fire, and Wine to be -brought, we sat down together, not without my receiving some -salutations, and strict embraces from my Antient, but to me new -acquaintance. After we had each of us washed away sorrow with a Cup of -the best Canary, the Old Woman being now more bold than before; again -took me in her arms, & laid her hand hard upon my Belly; when it so -fortuned, that at that very instant the Child gave a gentle turn in my -Belly; which she quickly felt; and then cryed out, Well, Daughter, you -see I was in the right; therefore since I have discovered somewhat, I -pray tell me the rest of your condition; and I question not but you will -receive much profit by your discovery: I was resolved to be very free -with her, and acquaint her with the chiefest of my Adventures; still -concealing so much thereof, as should, or might be convenient to be made -known; whereupon I thus began. - -Mother (since you will have it so) I shall make a free confession of my -Crime; hoping you will be merciful in the pennance you shall impose; -seeing, as you say, I am not the alone guilty party; and thereupon I -recounted to her, how that I being born in such a Country, and desirous -to see fashions, went up to _London_, and there happened into a Service; -where my Masters Brother falling in love with me, after some Courtship -(he promising me marriage) we came to enjoyment; that he, -notwithstanding his promise married with another; who indeed exceeded me -in Fortune, as I her in beauty; but my sweet heart soon after marriage -came to me, and repented of his bargain; but since that was past could -not be remedied, I was forced to be contented; and indeed, I having a -great love for him, permitted him still to lye with me, that in the end, -I was with Child by him; and then we consulting what was most necessary -to be done, it was at length concluded, that I should leave my service, -and retire into the Country, till I were rid of my great Belly; and to -that end and purpose, I was now come into the Country, expecting him in -short time to follow me. Thus did I give her a short, though somewhat -true, account of my Fortunes; and when I had done, she thus replyed. - -Well, Daughter, since your condition is as I judged it, and indeed hop’d -it to be; I shall play the Chymist, and extract Golden Fortunes to you -out of your own desperate misfortunes; for I doubt, as your Lover hath -once been false to you, so he may prove the second time; and now he hath -sent you a journey, he may leave you to shift for your self; and to look -for another Father for your Child. But, Daughter, (continued she) if you -will be rul’d by me, you shall not only have a rich Father, but a great -fortune for your Child: and perhaps, so much ready money for your self, -as you will not only give me thanks, but reckon this our meeting to be -the most fortunate Accident of your whole Life. I thank you very kindly, -replyed I, for your fair offers, but I shall desire you to explain your -self further; and I suppose I shall put so much confidence in you, as to -be rul’d by you; although I do not in the least doubt that I shall be -put to those extremities you imagine. So much the better, replyed she; -but however, that I may fit you for those purposes I have designed, and -partly propounded to you; I shall give you an account of some part of my -Life and Adventures; and thereupon she thus Began. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAP. II. - -_The Old Woman relates to Mrs._ Dorothy, _where she was born, in an Ale - house; how educated in all manner of debauchery; how she had a - Bastard, which she murther’d, is after marriage gotten with Child by - a_ Moor, _and perswades her Husband it was his, notwithstanding, it - being conceived so by the strength of imagination. Her Husband growing - jealous of the Black_ Moor, _fights him; and they kill one the other. - A strange adventure between her Lover and a_ Frenchman, _with a Wind - mill_. - - -I was born (said she) at _Portsmouth_; a Sea-Port-Town, very well known, -not only to most _English_ Men, but also to many Strangers. My Parents -were of the ordinary ranck, keeping a fudling School, or House of good -fellow-ship. I was educated, according to the Custom of the place, to -learn to read, and Sew; in learning of which having spent two or three -years, at the Age of eleven I was taken home to sit in the Barr and keep -the scores; I was well pleased to be at home, because there was great -variety of Guests; especially merry drunken Saylors: who, when they had -liberty to come ashore, would lustily booz it; and sing, and dance, all -weathers. And to that end, our House was still accommodated with a blind -Harper, who pick’d up a merry living: I taking pleasure in Musick, and -my Father thinking it would advance his trading, bought for me a pair of -Virginals; and hired a man to teach me: I giving my mind to it, soon -learnt some tunes, which I played to the merry Saylers, whilst they -pull’d off their shoes, and danc’t Lustick; and sometimes I gaining a -Teaster, or Groat for my Musick, was so encouraged, that I quickly took -all the instructions my Master was able to give me; I likewise learned -some songs of him, and some of the Saylers; so that in little time I was -well furnished with fat and lean Songs; so we term’d the bawdy and -others. Although I soon understood what was meant by bawdy Songs; yet I -was yet to young to have experience of them: however, when my Auditors -laugh’d, and sometimes hug’d and kiss’d me, I had some kind of Notions -that were very pleasing to me; and although my Mother sometimes told me -of the hateful name of Whore, and how much it concerned me to keep my -Maiden-head; yet I resolved that if it were long ere I were married, yet -it should not be so before I tryed what it was to lye with a Man: -however I followed my Mothers directions, in frowning, and scouling on -those who forc’d a kiss from me. But, as I had designed, so it came to -pass; for at the Age of fourteen years, a Sayler, who of all other sort -of People, I liked best, gained my good liking: he newly came home from -a boon Voyage, and was full of half Crown pieces, and took up his -quarters at our house; my Father seeing him so flush, was resolved to -milk him; and therefore permitted him to keep me Company, though he saw -he was very familiar in hugging and kissing me; I likewise had a great -mind to some of his money, and therefore begg’d some of him to buy -Ginger-bread, Sugar, Plumbs, Figgs, Fruit, and such like liquorish -things; he believing, that as I had a liquorish tooth, so I might have a -liquorish Tail, refused me no moneys I desired; but I being somewhat -modest in the smallness of my demands, had but little that wayes by fair -play; therefore I bethought me, how I might be Mistress of more; -therefore was resolved, at the next opportunity, to pick his pocket, -which I guess’d would be no difficult matter to do; in regard he was -oftentimes much overtaken with the Creature; and therefore, to the end I -might effect my desires, when we were met next together, I drank pretty -smartly with him, and conveyed some strong waters into each cup of his -Beer; and so in short time he being somewhat tipsie, desired me to sing -him a song, which I performing, he was quickly, as I supposed fallen -asleep; I sat in his lap, and as cunningly as I could, slipt my hand -into his Pocket; where I gathered up three or four half Crowns; as -sleepy as he was, he observed me, and while I was at my work, he was at -his; and as slighly he conveyed one of his hands into another place, -having not as yet been at that sport; I squeek’d out, which made him -rise, and me withdraw my hand, and both of us leave our Prizes; and I -blushing for anger, that I was so doubly catch’d, would have left the -Room; but he taking hold of me, desired me to be quiet, and told me, -what was done on his part was but in jest, as he supposed what I did -was; and that it was but _quid_ for _quo_. I having by this time gained -some confidence, was, at his entreaty, content to stay longer with him, -and sung another song; which when I had done, he gave me four half -Crowns (a greater sum than I was ever till then Mistress of) and told -me, since he knew what I would have, he would give it me, as he hoped I -would do the like. To which I replyed, I knew not what I might do in -time, if he continued his kindness to me. Thus did I encourage him to be -liberal to me, in hopes of his desired reward: and thus neither of us -(knowing one anothers minds) was long backwards, without enjoying our -desires; he giving me some money and a Ring. I permitted him to enjoy me -as fully as he could wish or desire; and many rancounters we had -together, both at home and abroad, as time and place would permit: but -as the longest day will have an end so had his money; and then my Father -perceiving that it was low ebb in his Pocket, began to be more wary and -circumspect of him, and to watch him, and slight him, lest he should -gain anything upon me, and run into his score; and so he might lose as -much in the shire, as he had got in the hundred; the Old Woman, my -Mother, being somewhat suspicious of me, still watch’d us with much -wariness; and he not having money to treat me abroad at other houses, as -formerly, we were fain to have all our sports at home when we had -conveniency; and there we were so narrowly put to it, that we were -oftentimes in danger to be catch’d. - -When my sweet-heart could get any Moneys he would treat me abroad; and -one day having been walking with me, he committed one of the greatest -extravagancies I ever heard of he had drank very hard and was now almost -fluster’d, when coming by the Wind mill which is near our Town, the wind -blowing somewhat moderately, there was a _French man_, who challenged -some _English_ Saylers to shew some feats of activity; among other -exploits, he took hold of one of the wings of the Wind-mill, and holding -fast, was carried round therewith, lighting very orderly on the ground -upon his feet. This was a wonderful, and we thought desperate attempt, -and he much bragg’d of it daring any _English man_ to do the like: my -sweet-heart being with me, and desirous to gain my esteem, and being -somewhat pot shaken, makes no more ado, but likewise takes hold of one -of the wings of the Windmil; which by reason the wind blew more freshly -than it had done lately, caused the Mill to go more swiftly then -ordinary; and he not being able to hold fast, was thrown off: but though -it was a pretty way off, yet to his good Fortune, he was not thrown to -the ground (which would have broken his bones,) but into a pond of -water; and there he being very skilful in swimming, soon recovering -himself, swam to the shore; and not forgetting what he had done, cryed -out, _Now let any Mounsieur of ye all do the like_. All there present -did much applaud him; some attributing that to his design and skill, -which indeed was by chance; and truly, it was a good chance for him, -that he broke not his neck: but he then escaped any further danger: and -some Merchants being there present, were so surprized with the manner of -the action that they gave him ten shillings to drink; he being thus -rewarded for his folly, thought it his best course to go home; where we -being come, and my Father made acquainted with the matter, and that he -had money in his Pocket made much of him, and perswaded him to go to -bed; and my Mother procured him a Sack posset, which we all eat of at -his beds side; but little did they think that this was a kind of a -Bride-posset: for, although we were not married that day, yet we lay -together that night; for when they were in their bed, in went I to his; -where he expected me, having before enjoyned me to make use of that -opportunity, which I did, to both our good intents: for we enjoyed one -another in full freedom of all dilights: this being the first and last -time I ever lay with him: for not long after, his coyn being spent, and -a Voyage presented it self, he Shipp’d himself, and away he went for the -_East Indies_; we promising a constant continuance of our affections. -But he being gone, it was not long, ere I found a strange alteration in -my body, being taken with pewkings, and vomitings, such as young Married -folks are used to have; whereupon I concluded, that I should soon have a -great belly, which so fell out; but before that, I had a Husband to -Father it. - -Our House being publique, we entertained all Comers; amongst the rest, -there came a Sayler, who had had the Fortune to meet with a prize; and -he for his own share had two hundred pounds Sterling. This was so tall a -Fortune as was unusual to be the possession of an ordinary Sayler; and -he chancing in at our house, my Father was very desirous to rid him of -his mony: he acquainted my Mother with his purpose, and told her, that -this Fellow would make a very good Fortune for me their Daughter; and -they might by means of this live more plentifully then ever. The Fellow -soon expressed a great deal of love for me, which my mother taking -notice of, told me of her own and my Fathers intentions, and bid me -prepare to entertain his love, for they designed him for my Husband; she -advised me to be free and courteous to him, but by no means to let him -proceed further then the ordinary civility. I promised her all -obedience, and she was very diligent and watchful over me. My sweet -heart was very sweet upon me, and would fain have been dealing with me, -as Merchandize, bidding very fair for me, but I resolved to have all or -none; would not let him have a bit, but what was lawful: he being thus -stopt, was the more earnest; and at length, rather than lose me, agreed -to have me at my own terms which was marriage; which at length was fully -agreed upon. But my qualmes encreasing as did my belly, my Mother -suspected somewhat was the matter, and therefore took me strictly to -task; and so wrought with me; that I confessed I had been sporting with -my former sweet-heart; this news much startled her; but she who had -passed many such brunts, soon found out a remedy; and told me that if I -would be wholly ruled by her, she would still warrant the business -should go on prosperously enough; for, said she, I will direct you to -carry your self, so as the loss of your Maiden-head shall not be -discovered; and as for your great Belly, we will when you are marryed, -send your husband to Sea before your time of delivery: and in the mean -time, we will manage all matter cunningly enough. My Mother having thus -encouraged me, I prepared for the wedding day, which was soon after -appointed; which being come, and night also, we went to bed; and there -my Bride-groom going about to enjoy me, I counterfeited all kinds of -simplicity; I cryed, sob’d, and screeked out; and he had much ado, with -puffing and blowing, and sweating, to possess himself of me. I had all -the marks and symptoms of untouch’d Virginity; and the more to beguile -him, notwithstanding all his fair words, and endeavours, I made so great -a noise as raised my Mother; who coming into our chamber, found me in -swound; from which she soon brought me, by rubbing me with Vinegar, and -other Remedies; and she perswaded me to be patient, and desired him to -deal kindly with me, using this Proverb; _Gently_, John, _the Girls -Young_, She left us, and then with somewhat more Patience I permitted -him to take his pleasure with me. - -Thus was I marryed, and came off with all Credit imaginable; but -afterwards it did not proceed as we expected; for my Husband being very -fond of my company, would not by any means be perswaded to leave me for -the Sea; but intended, now he had gained money enough, to live on shore. -This resolution of his was very unpleasing; but I was forced to be -contended, and to provide against the time of my delivery of my great -Belly, which now came on a pace, and indeed was somewhat sooner than I -expected; for I was taken one day with a suddain pain, which much -surprized my Mother; for my Husband was in the House, and hearing my -cryes, would needs force his way into my Chamber; where I was -accompanyed by my Mother, who was instructing me what to do; on his -approach to the Bed, my pains encreased, and a Child was born into the -World; but, that he might not discover the fallacy, by the crying of the -Child, I smothered it; and lying still for some space, my Mother -perswaded him to depart; he being gone, my Mother fell to work; and -removed the Child, playing the Midwife in the best manner she could; and -all being buried, and _I_ put into order, she told her Son in law, that -these were extream fits of the Chollick, and would now they had begun, -continue for some dayes; wherefore she desired him to take another -Lodging, and let her lye with me: to this he hardly consented; but at -length, at both our importunities, he was content, and in ten dayes -time, I still every day counterfeited fits of groaning, but he seeing I -sensibly amended, would no longer forbear lying with me. - -Thus did I escape this misfortune, and came off with flying Colours, -without the least suspition; so that I was encouraged to proceed in -further Roguries; which was the ruine of my Husband, and in which I had -like to have been involved. I told you our house was for all Guests; and -now by the addition of my Husbands money, which was employed in my -Fathers Trade, to encrease his stock, our house the best furnished, was -the best customed house in the Town; amongst the rest, there came a -Person of Honour, who had been a Traveller, and among his Attendants a -Negro, or Black-man, which he had brought from _Guiana_. This Black-more -was reported by his Master and others, to be the Son of a Prince in his -own Country; I look’d on him with an affectionate and smiling -countenance; which he perceiving, and also that I was handsome, much -desired my company; and being Master of money enough to spend on me, he -had many opportunities of courting me; at the first, I examining what I -was about to do drew back, thinking it a very strange thing to be kiss’d -by a Black-more, but use brought it into Custom; and I endured not only -that, but also methought I had a minde to taste of his flesh, perswading -my self, that there would be more than ordinary satisfaction in that -enjoyment; and he finding me coming, so prosecuted his suit, that it was -not long ere I enjoyed him: I must confess much to my content, for -nothing but his sparkling eyes was to be seen in the dark, which indeed -were as shining, as two stars in a clear night; and he was as much -delighted with me: so that we promised to take all opportunities for -enjoyment. The Lords business kept him there so long, that we had so -much sport in jest, as turned to earnest; for I found my self to be with -child, and I did absolutely believe that my Black-friend was the Father -of it: this consideration put me into a deep melancholly; for we carried -our business not so privately, but that we were taken notice of, and -suspected by my Mother; but much more by my Husband, whose extreme love -to me was converted into as extreme a jealousie; and he looked on my -Black-friend with a great deal of horror. - -I finding my self with Childe, and doubting it was by him, a fancy -possessed me, that I should bring forth a Black-More like the Father: -this, I say put me to a very great _non-plus_; and I endeavoured by all -means to blind my Husband, and take all suspition from him: I told him, -I believed I was with Child, this pleased him; but I also added, I -doubted, I should not render him compleatly satisfied: for that I had a -very great fancy that the Child would be black, and I could give no -reason, but that the sight of my Lords Black-More was deeply imprinted -in my fancy: I told him, I had read the story of a Black Queen and King, -who had a Child that was white; and being so born, was thrust out of the -King his Fathers Dominions, for no other cause but because he was white; -and the Queen his Mother hardly escaped the fury of her Husband, who -shrewdly suspected her guilty of Adultry with some white-man, because -the Child was so. This said I, was the Crime laid to her charge; and it -seemed so reasonable to him and all his Nobility; that notwithstanding -the Queen was alwayes esteemed to be a vertuous woman, yet she hardly -escaped with her life. But at length, a wise man of that Kingdome coming -to the Court, and hearing of the matter, and that the Queen was banished -as well as her Son; he, said I, walking about the Court, and coming into -the Kings Bed-chamber, there saw the Picture of a fair white-woman, -which had, as great rariety, been presented to the King he then -remembring the unfortunate case of the Queen, did really believe that -the sight of that white Picture had occasioned the Queen to conceive and -bring forth a white Child. Being thus convinced, and perswaded in his -own opinion, he was not long before he perswaded the King to the same; -and the Queen having been alwayes of an unblemisht reputation, it was -concluded by the King, and all the Nobility, that the Queen was -innocent: and thereupon the banishment was repealed, and both received -home with great joy, state, and honour; and this Son, after his Fathers -decease, was crowned, and reigned King of the Place. Now sweet-heart, -said I, this being so, and fancy having so strong an operation in the -womb by the only site of a Picture, I cannot but imagine that the real -presence of one may work much more and greater effects, especially since -I find a very great inclination not only to love, but long for black -things; black cherries, I affect extreamly, as also damsons, sloes, & -black-bullies; I chiefly feed on black puddings; and it is not very -long, said I, since I longed for a black hat, and did eat it up every -bit: and now I have lately had a great desire to a dish of butter’d -char-coal. - -This discourse wrought variously with my Husband, who, although he did -somewhat suspect me, yet would he take no great notice at present, but -told me, that surely this was but fancy, and would in the end amount to -nothing: I was content with his answer; but knowing his mind stood -thereto bent, I first propounded, that the Black-more should depart our -house, or else that I might remove from home to some other place, to -see, if by his absence the fancy would leave me: to this he willingly -agreed; and in regard to move for the Black-more’s departure until his -Lord went also, would not only raise suspicious Discourses, but turn to -our disadvantage, by reason they were good Guests; we therefore resolved -that I should remove four or five miles from home; the which I did the -next day; but my departure was not so secret, but that I gave notice -thereof to my beloved Black-more, who promised not to be long before he -took the opportunity of giving me a visit; the which he did unseen of -any, I letting him in at a back Garden door; and thither he usually came -to me once in two or three days: we sometimes spent some hours together -in a Banqueting-house in the Garden; and at last grew so bold, as to -spend whole nights in bed together; so that my Husband, who sorely -suspected me, was resolved to watch my waters; and one Evening missing -the Black-more, who was then come to me, he at midnight departed; and -coming to the back door whereat the Black-more entred, he finding it -open, entered, saw the Candle in my Chamber, and I believe could hear -our voyces, but knew not how to enter without great noise; wherefore, -now resolving in his mind what to do, he waited till the morning, -walking about the Garden; but in regard the Black-more had some affairs -of his Lords that morning to dispatch, he arose early, and left me; I -shut fast the door, and left him; no sooner was he down, but my angry -Husband with a drawn sword meets him; he seeing and knowing him, guessed -his purpose, likewise quickly draws; and they running upon one anothers -swords, soon bereft each other of life. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAP. III. - -_The Old Woman relates, that her Husband and Black-friend having killed - one another, she removes her lodging; and is brought to bed of a young - Black-more, which she likewise murthereth; and then again removing her - quarters, and passing for a maid, is married to a young Inn-keeper; - who, instead of her, had a maid servant for his Bed fellow; who being - both sleepy, she sets fire of the House; and then pretending to fetch - water at the Well, tumbles her in, where she is drowned._ - - -Thus, said Mrs. _Dorothy_, did the old Hagg give me an account of her -mischievous beginning; and indeed, in the prosecution of her story, she -acquainted me with so many horrible actions, that I was agast; and -wondered that the Earth did not open, to swallow up a wretch so -monstrously wicked; but I think, said she, by what I have said, I have -told you enough to know her, and therefore shall pass over the rest of -her actions in silence: nay, said I, Mrs. _Dorothy_, since you have -begun to give us so fair an account of the foul actions of this your -wicked acquaintance, I shall desire you to take the pains to proceed -therein. Truly, said Mrs. _Mary_, although I have known many wretched -People in my dayes, yet I never heard of the like; and I suppose by what -you have already recounted, that all you have further to say will be -both remarkable, admirable, and pleasant (if we may account that -pleasant which is so mischievously, and wickedly witty;) and therefore -I, as well as our friend here, desire you to continue your relation; and -if you will take the pains, we will have the patience to hear you to the -least particular. Mrs. _Dorothy_ being thus requested by us both, -replyed, that she should be content to grant our desires, but then we -must have a great deal of patience, and pardon those impertinent -ignorances that she should be forced to recount, in relating so many -notable and various adventurous actions of another: We told her, we -should willingly attend, and excuse her in all; and thereupon she thus -continued. - -Although (said this old Trot) my Husband, and my black friend had -quickly dispatch’t their business, by thus dispatching one another, yet -they were neither so sudden nor so silent, but I both heard and saw them -tilt at one another with their swords, which were bathed in each others -heart blood; and so they fell, grinning at each other with horrible -Countenances and they lay so close together, that they could catch hold -of one another, and fight with their hands, their swords being sheathed -in one anothers bodies; but this contest could not, neither did it last -long, their hearts being suffocated with Blood, and so in short time -they both expired; which I discovered by the noise of hollow groans: and -thus continued she, was I deprived of a Friend, and a Husband. I was -startled at the present, but considering what was to be done, went to -bed, and lay there till some of the house came and bounc’d at my Chamber -door; I suffered them to continue knocking for some time, as if I had -been asleep; but they growing more furious by reason of my silence, were -ready to break open the door, when I jumped out of my bed, and in my -smock opening the door, asked them what was the cause of their violent -knocking; they replyed, they were glad to see me alive, which they much -doubted, by reason of my silence, and having seen such a doleful sight -as was then in the Garden: I seeming ignorant of all, desired them to -explain themselves, and acquaint me with their meaning; they were not -long then ere they had told me, that my Husband and the Black-more who -quartered at my Fathers, were both dead in the Garden: I was amazed, ran -then to the window, and there beheld what I too well knew already; and -then cryed out, and in lamentable and furious manner threw my self on -the floor, tearing my hair, and making great lamentation; by this time -the Constable and other Neighbors were come, but could not get any thing -out of me to discover any knowledge of the fact. I seemed a stranger to -all; and so the Bodies being removed, word was sent to my Father and -Mother, who quickly came thither; but finding me, as the rest, to -pretend ignorance, nothing could be done; but the People conjectured -variously, and though they could not accuse me as the murtherer, yet I -was shrewdly suspected to be the cause; they judging the truth as it -was: but however, I was without the compass of the law, and therefore -escaped all trouble. - -Their Bodies were soon after buried, and I thought it absolutely -necessary to abscond my self, lest (the time of child bearing being near -approaching) I might be further discovered by the Complexion of the -child, which I did verily believe would be black; and therefore I left -my Fathers house, and went to an obscure Village about ten miles off; I -took up my lodging with an old Woman of my Mothers acquaintance, -pretending a great melancholly since the death of my Husband, and -therefore avoided all Company: I had all along attempted to destroy the -Child in my Womb, and to that end I had taken _Savine_, and many other -drugs and potions, and using to jump, and leap, and wrastle, to cause my -self to miscarry, but all in vain; so that in fine, I was forced to use -the same remedy I had done, and smother the Child so soon as it was -born; I had all possible conveniences to do it, whilst the Midwife, who -lived at some distance, was not much looked after, although it was -somewhat black, which was now taken to be so, only by reason of its -strugling for passage; and wanting a Mid-wife, I caused it to be quickly -nail’d up in a box, and so with little trouble passed over the -difficulty of this affair: my Mother soon came to me, and accommodated -me, with every thing fit for my condition, so that it was not long ere I -perfectly recovered; and I having no mind to return to my Fathers nor to -stay in that place, caused my Mother to provide me with a gentile habit; -and money in my pocket, and being thus fitted, went twenty miles -further, to the house of another of my Mothers acquaintance; and having -been so unfortunate with a Husband, was resolved not to own that ever I -had been married, but to pass for a maid; which I might well enough do, -not being yet above eighteen years of age. My beauty then was so -charming, that I quickly gained many adorers; and it being given out -that I was a Virgin, and of a good fortune, had many Sutors in earnest, -that woed me in the honest terms of marriage. Having the choice of -several, I was the more coy; but in the end, there was one, who was an -Inn-keeper, whose Father being lately dead, and left a handsome -competency, him I accepted of, but with great jealousie and suspition of -my self; lest he was a cunning youngster, should discover the want of my -Virginity. I was sensible it would be no difficult matter for him to -finde me out, but I was resolved to try my Wits, and prevent his -discovery: to this end I delayed my marriage for some time, till I could -bring my matters to pass; which (said she) I did in this manner. - -There was a Servant-Maid in the House, whom I usually had for my -Bed-fellow, and with her I was very free in all my discourse, -acquainting her with all passages between me and my Sweethearts; and -many pleasing discourses we had upon those occasions, and commonly we -spent some hours every night when we were in Bed, in these Conferences: -I asking her which of my Sweet-hearts was the best, and likliest to -prove a good Husband; she and I both jumped in one mind, and she seemed -to rejoyce at the good Fortune I was likely to enjoy, in having so -handsome, and accomplish’d a Person, as he was with whom I was to be -Married; saying, that of all men breathing, she never saw one whom, she -thought, she could love better; and adding, that she would give all the -money in her Pocket to have my place on the Wedding Night. Well, thought -I, are you there? I’le be with you anon. Truly said she, I am a perfect -Maid, not having yet had to do with any Man; and for deed, nay, for -thought and word, untill this time, was a pure Virgin; but methinks, -since I saw your Sweetheart, I have such pleasing imaginations, that I -could willingly experiment the effects; but, continued she, I hope you -will take all this in good part, and not be jealous of me, for I shall -not in the least injure you, no, though your Sweet-heart should desire -it; besides, my Quality and condition is so much beneath yours, that it -would be but a folly to expect it: but shall wish you all happiness with -your beloved Bridegroom. She having opened her mind thus freely to me, -it was the thing I only aimed at, and above all things wish’d for; and -therefore, that I might now stricke while the Iron was hot, I thus -replyed; come, come, do not counterfeit more Modesty than needs, but -tell me truely, and sincerely, if I can find a way to compass your -desires; and be therewith content, and willing, will you obey me in what -I shall desire of you? This is a strange proposition, said she, and I -believe far from your heart to do, and only to try me farther; but I -pray let us talk no more of this matter. - -I quickly answered, that I was now in earnest, and would (if she would -swear to me to be secret) discover a secret that was of the highest -importance, and that then all things would be as she had wished; she -wondring what I meant, and being desirous (as all women are inquisitive -after secrets) to discover mine, soon made many protestations and vows, -to be secret in what ever I should impart to her; and thereupon I told -her, that indeed about twelve moneths since, being in my fathers house, -a Gentleman of quality lodging there, and having divers times courted -me; and I alwayes refusing to hear him; and being very obstinate, -notwithstanding all his endeavours by Presents, and otherwise; he, I -said being wholy impatient, and resolved to venture all for my -enjoyment, took his opportunity, and came to bed to me; I feeling him -near me, cry’d out but in vain, for my Lodging was at too great a -distance from any bodyes hearing; and so in the end, notwithstanding my -striving, and strugling, he had his will of me; and indeed, to tell you -the truth, the danger of the brunt being over, and I well knowing that -what was past could not be recalled, was, in the end, willing a second, -or third time, to permit him the same enjoyment; and so he went away in -the Morning well satisfied, and I better pleas’d than when he came to -me. I was resolved to keep this from the knowledge of my Parents, and -did so, though he offered me Marriage, which would have been -advantageous enough for me, he being, as I said, a Person of Quality; -but however, he continued his practice with me all the time of his stay -at my Fathers, which was two Moneths; and then he departing, promised a -sudden return, and that he would then discover himself to my Father, and -request me in Marriage; I trusted to his fair words, and permitted his -departure; but he had not been long absent ere I perceived my self to be -with Child: I kept this from the knowledge of all, so long as I could; -but in the end, my Mother suspecting me, charged me so roundly, that I -confessed the Fact; she thereupon took the best remedy she could, and -unknown to my Father, sent me away to a Friend of hers, where I lay in -of a Child, which soon after dying, and I recovered, I again removed -hither, where what hath befaln me you already know as well as I; and -now, my dear Friend, said I, the case being thus, you may do me a great -kindness, and please your self, as you say, by taking my place on the -Wedding-night; and he lying with you in my stead may be deceived, and -take me for a pure Virgin; whereas otherwise I am in much doubt to be -discovered, in regard, that not only I have lost my Maidenhead, but have -also lately had a Child. - -My Bed-fellow gave diligent attendance to what I had related, and after -I had satisfied her how she should behave her self in every respect, she -consented to take my turn. My business being in this forwardness, I -quickly consented to clap up the bargain with my Sweet-heart; and the -Wedding-day being come, we were accordingly Married; and at Bed time I -went to Bed with my Bride-groom, but feigning Modesty, commanded all to -depart the Room; which they did, leaving one Candle burning; I seeing -the Company gone, leap’d out of the Bed to put the Candle out; which I -did, and then, according to appointment, the Maid, who was ready in her -smock behind the Hangings, quickly got into the Bed, and enjoyed my -place; I staid in the Chamber, and could well enough discover all -passages between them, and how she made some faint resistance; but not -long it was ere they fell a sleep, and slept so long, that I was at a -very great stand what to do, lest day-light should come ere she should -awake, and then be seen by my Husband, and I disgraced and lost for -ever; I ruminated in my mind many wayes; at last I was resolved to -proceed to violence, and hazard all, rather than lose my credit; and -therefore seeing they still slept on, I went out of the Chamber into the -next; where with the help of a Tinder-box, I struck a light; and getting -a Torch, and lighting it, set fire on some part of the house, which soon -encreased to a great flame; I then made no great difficulty to make a -noise, and cry out fire, fire; this was soon seen, smelt, and heard by -my drousie bedfellows, who both arose; and I being there, caught hold of -him, as if I had lain with him; and his bedfellow being now a little -come to her self, and seeing me, began to consider what she was to do; -and ran where her cloaths were, put them on, and then came to help me to -mine. - -My Husband, and all the rest of the Family being thus raised, ran about -for water to quench the fire; I being left alone with my Husbands -Bed-fellow, could have found in my heart to have killed her with a Sword -there in the Chamber: because she had been the occasion of all this -mischief; and the thoughts of that, and remembring what hurt she might -do me hereafter, in discovering my secrets or, at least, in being my -Co-rival; these Considerations made me resolve to dispatch her into the -other world; and there-fore desiring her to go down with me into the -Yard to fetch water at the Well, she did so; where I spying my -opportunity, in the absence of the rest of the Family, as she was -stooping to draw Water, I turned her head forwards into the Well; where, -before any came to help her, she was dead. I pretended to bewail her -misfortunes; but the fire, by the asistance of some Neighbours, being -now quench’d, we all retired into that part of the House that was -unburn’d; where every one lamented, not only the misfortune of the fire, -but that of the Maids death; in which I alone was principally concerned. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAP. IV. - -_She being at home with her Husband, is Courted by Gallants; one of - which Cuckolds him; She is out witted by her Gallant, and cheated of a - Gown, and three Rings; she is Courted by another Gallant, and they - study a Revenge on the first; which she executes, by appointing the - first to come to Bed to her; where her Husband, by her appointment, - was in her stead; who taking him in the manner, soundly whips him; in - the mean time she is in Bed with her new Gallant._ - - -The next day after our unfortunate Wedding-night, all Persons concerned -began to reckon up their losses; in which, neither I, nor my Husband -suffered but little; for he had nothing there but the Clothes on his -back, and I only had mine, and a Trunk of Clothes, and Linnen, which -were safe. Our Land-lord lost some of his Goods, and an hundred pounds -would not repair the damage the House had sustained by the fire; he -therefore complained much of his losses: but his lamentations were not -equal to those of an Old Woman, who lived in the Town, and was the -Mother of the Unfortunate Maid, whom I had so treacherously, and -ungratefully murthered: I was almost as joyful as she was sad, that I -was rid of so dangerous a Corrival, whom I had entrusted with my -greatest secrets. - -The disorders of this House caused us to quit it sooner than we -intended; for that very day we removed to my Husbands Habitation, which -was not above four Miles distant, and there we Lodged, where that night -I received those imbraces from my Husband which were very pleasing to -me, and then all things were as well fixed as I could desire; only my -Mothers coming was every day expected, I having given her notice of my -Transactions by Letters: She came in few dayes, and that not -empty-handed; for she brought an hundred pounds in ready money with her: -this, she told her new son-in-law, was but part of a greater Sum, my -Father and she intended for my Portion; although my Husband expected -five hundred pounds with me (I having given out that I should have so -much) yet he was content with this for the present; and this money was -part of what was left me of my first Husbands. During the stay of my -Mother, we kept open House; and giving up our selves to all manner of -mirth, I found my Husband to be but an easie Coxcomb, and one whom I -thought I should out-wit, and over-rule; he was much inclined to -gameing; and, as the fortune of the Dice went, he sometimes won, and -lost again as often; at which he would be somewhat waspish and griping: -and what he lost by gameing, he would get up again out of large -Reckoning, and tricks he would put upon his Guests, who now were more in -number than formerly; for it being given out, that he was Married, and -that to one that was handsom, all the Countrey came in upon us; -especially all the roaring Lads, who spent highest, came all to see, and -present their service to their Land-lady; and as a Citizens shop is -never so well furnished, as when a handsome Wife is placed in a varnisht -seat; even so is an Inn-keepers Barr; and doth draw in Customers, all in -hopes to have a lick at her honey pot; and although a Woman be never so -chaste, and the Guests finde it so, yet if she be but handsome, her -company is still desired; but you know my temper so well, that you may -guess I should not hold out a seven years siege, if I were but once -bravely assaulted; but withall, I resolved to be as cunning as all my -Observations had taught me, and not be like a Glove for every ones -drawing on. If I had any Servants, I resolved they should be of the -best; and those I counted so, who wore most money in their Pockets, I -had my choice of several of that kind; and though I still counterfeited -a great Modesty yet I was treated, and regalia’d both at home and -abroad; there was no sport, or divertisements, but I made one of the -Company; no fair near our Town but I visited, being conducted thither by -one Gallant or other: where I had several Fairing presented me. I had my -Husbands consent to all my actions, for I still acquainted him with all; -and when I was carried to any place, I told him every particular, and -caused him to meet me at the place and time appointed; without which I -pretended a mighty unwillingness; and this I did, that he might put the -greater confidence in me. - -This trade I did drive for a long time, without joyning issue with any -of my Gallants, and they gained no more upon me than a kiss, or a -languishing look, which I sometimes cast upon them to cause them to -believe that in time they might arrive to the height of their desires; -and for these my kind looks I was as kindly rewarded; they presenting me -with Gloves, Scarffs, Hoods, Rings and Cabinets, and such like Womanish -toyes, and all in hopes that they might toy with me, as in fine they -did: I had several of these Gamesters, but one above all the rest was -most in my favour, he having been the most prodigal in expences upon me; -I gave him full freedome with me, and I cornuted this as well as I had -done my other Husband; he spent much of his time in gaming, and was very -earnest at it with his Guests: and while he was at his game, I and my -Gallant were at ours. My friend for his greater pretence of freedom in -our house, would humour my Husband, and Game with him, and lose his -money; for indeed my Husband was at that sport the better Gamester, -although my friend pleased me better at the other; by these -extravagancies of his, and his losses at Gameing, he in time came to a -low ebb of money in his pocket, and was necessitated to withdraw, and -lessen his expences; so that he was not so welcome to me or my Husband -as he had been: for I was of the Old Womans Opinion, _No longer Pipe, no -longer Dance_: as he avoided expences I shunn’d his Company; and having -Friends enough who desired to be my Customers, I endeavoured to be rid -of him. He still continued his wonted freedome, and desiring my Company -abroad; and so confident he was grown, that he would ask my husbands -leave, who had not yet refused him; and therefore a Comedy being to be -acted at a Town not far off, he gained my company to go with him; I had -other company that I liked better than his, but I could not shift him -off, although I very much endeavoured it. - -The Play being done, he desired to treat me privately, which I accepted -of, having a design to manage that was newly come in my head, and which -was this: I had seen a Gentlewoman at the Play, who had a new silk Gown, -of a pretty colour and fashion, I was resolved to beg such another of -him, and in case of refusal, to break with him totally: I therefore took -my opportunity, and when he desired his wonted freedom with me, I told -him he was mistaken, and I absolutely refused, and forbid him turning up -any more Coats then he was willing to pay for: he asked what I meant by -my discourse and refusal: I told him unless he would give me such a new -Gown as I prescribed to him, he should have no more to do with me: my -Gentleman was as blank as a Bell founder, and his courage was somewhat -cooled at my demands; so that he soon arose, and walked up and down in a -musing posture; at length he spake, and made some excuses and pauses: -but I being resolved on the question, told him, that he had forborn his -Pension a great while, and therefore I was resolved he should be the -more liberal, and that I would to try his love by performing that -request; if he would not grant my desires, I would also refuse him his; -but if he would give me such a Gown, he should still oblidge me, and -have the first taking of it up. Come, come, said he, you and I will not -fall out for such a matter as that, and you shall have it, or any thing -else that is in my power, or indeed that you can wish for; and within -these three dayes I will send it you, on condition that I may have a -full nights lodging with you, well, replyed I, be you so good as your -word, and I will order the matter so, as you shall have your desire: and -thus we having clapt up a bargain, concluded the discourse with two or -three kisses; and so after a considerable repast, we returned home, and -there we parted; he to contrive how to be so good as his word, and I to -order my Husbands absence, that we might lye together, as I had -promised. - -My Gallant examining the matter, found that at present the strength of -his Pocket would not be sufficient to accomplish his desire, and -therefore he supplyed that defect by the strength of wit; he visited the -Gentlewoman who was owner of the Gown, and being of her acquaintance, he -requested her to let him have her Gown to shew a Taylor to make such -another by for a Sister of his; his desires being modest were the sooner -granted; and a Taylor of his acquaintance receiv’d it of her, and -immediately at his commands brought it to me, I accepted it with a -smileing countenance, and giving him a small piece of Money for his -pains, dismiss’d him; when soon after my friend likewise followed; and -my Husband being absent, we concluded that night to devote our selves -holy to _Venus_; and he being us’d to lye at our house, it was no great -difficulty for him to quit his bed and come to mine, where we spent all -that night in all those amorous enjoyments that we could devise: but he -thinking he had paid dear for his nights pleasure, was resolved to have -something more into the bargain; and that he might engage me another -time, if I fell out with him, as he foresaw I would; wherefore he taking -his opportunity when I was asleep, slipt no less then three of my Rings -off from my fingers, and put them on his; and early in the morning he -left me and my Bed, and went into his own: and having before contrived -now to play his Cards, he went to the Taylor, and advised him to come to -me, and tell me he had forgot to finish somewhat that was very -necessary, and had been omitted to be done in the Gown, and therefore he -was come to fetch it, that it might be mended, and he might have no -disgrace by his work; I being without all suspition, and seeing indeed -there were some defects, which he shewed me, delivered it to him, -desireing him to make haste with it, because I intended to have it home -before my Husbands return, and then to tell him that my Father had sent -it me; but I reckond before my Host; for although I waited two or three -dayes, and sent to the Taylor, and asked my false friend, yet I could -have none, but idle excuses and flashes; so that in conclusion I found -my self cheated; for as I understood afterwards, the Gown was presently -sent home to the right owner; whom I saw wear it the next sunday; and -then knew it, by some particular marks to be the same. This passage -vexed me to the heart; but I was three times more angry when I missed my -Rings, and upon examination found that he had beguil’d me of them; and -indeed for further confirmation, I saw them upon his fingers; this (said -she) extreemly perplexed and inraged me; so that then I converted all my -love into (its contrary) hatred, and studyed nothing so much, as how to -compass revenge. He finding that I was angred, refrained my Company at -present, and that gave opportunity to another, who had long time courted -me at a distance, to lay a closer siege to me; and he so far prevailed -with me, what with gifts, treats and presents, that I promised him that -in short time he should reap the fruits of his desired Harvest; but I -was resolved to make him instrumental in my revenge upon my abuser; and -to that end I thus broke the matter to him. - -Sir, your friendship and love I very much esteem; and believing you to -be sincere, and one in whose breast I may repose trust and confidence; I -shall discover somewhat to you, that may for the future be of good -consequence to us both; and it is this: I believe you have not been so -dim sighted, but you have observed more than common familiarity between -me and Mr. such a one, naming my abusive Lover; some presents he hath -given me, for which he expected more freedome with me than I was willing -to impart; but I still kept him at a distance, although he pressed hard -upon me to enjoyment; which I not thinking fit at present to permit, he -began to clamour, at length through his importunities, I consented he -should lye with me at such a time, on condition he gave me such a silk -Gown as I named; to this he agreed, and sent in the Gown accordingly: -now it so fell out, that I could not perform what he expected, and -therefore delay’d him for a few dayes longer, till my Husband should be -absent, promising then to keep touch with him; but whether he not -believing me, or else the necessity of returning the Gown, which he had -but borrowed, as I since found; one or both these reasons induced him to -be false to me, and by a while he got the Gown out of my hands; and he -was not content with doing that only, but he also intending to abuse me -further, when we were toying together, cheated me of three of my rings; -which he as a Trophy of his Victory, and my weakness and shame, still -wears on his fingers; and I fear he is so prodigal and lavish of his -tongue, as to bray to his acquaintance, that he had those as my gifts -for unhandsome service done me. - -Thus did I disguise the truth of my dealings with my abusive Lover, and -having given my new one this account, desiring his assistance in a -revenge: to this he quickly answered, that as for the Gown I had been so -out-witted in, he would make up that loss, by giving me another; and so -he would also for the rings, if I pleased; or else compel my abusive -lover to deliver them; and in all things else he would vindicate my -credit. I replyed to him, that I would not have any compulsion, for that -would make too much noise; but rather have his assistance in my revenge, -which I had thus contrived. - -I would have him possess my Husband with jealousie against my abusive -Lover, and leave the rest to my ordring, which I managed thus: I gave my -abusive Friend more freedom, & shewed a kinder Countenance than I had -done of late, & that only to draw him on, which I did with much ease, -for he had a great desire to be friends with me, and upon our first -convenient parley, he confessed himself guilty, & made some trivial -excuses, which I admitted of, as I did his love, in hopes to gain my -rings, and a revenge; as for the rings, he presently returned me one, -and promised the other two the third night following, when I agreed to -lye with him, promising so to order the matter, that my Husband should -be then out of the house; we after this parley parted, and my new friend -had so dealt with my Husband, in discovering my abusive Friends freeness -and privacy with me, that he now became absolutely jealous, and intended -to make me sensible of his anger; but I knowing where the shooe wrung -him, was before hand, and the next night told him, that if he did not -take some speedy course, I was in danger, and he too, to be abused by my -abusive Lover; for said I, he hath gotten two of my rings, and shews -them abroad, reporting he had them of me, as tokens of my dishonour; and -to me he will not deliver them, unless I will promise him a nights -lodging: now said I, if you have a mind to save my honour, your own, and -revenge us both on him, I will thus do; I will seemingly consent that he -shall come to bed to me to morrow night, and to that end, I will have -you pretend to go out of Town; but instead of your going, I will go to -such a friends house, and there I’le stay; you shall lye in my Bed, and -at the hour I will appoint him he will come to bed to you, when you and -your friends, and servants, I hope taking him in the manner, will so -handle him, as he shall have little cause to boast of his nights -lodging; and you and I shall be sufficiently revenged on him for thus -attempting my Chastity. - -To all this discourse my Husband gave very good attention; and it -corresponding with what he suspected, he now wholly quitted any -suspitious thoughts of me, and agreed to execute all I had propounded; -so that when the time came, my Husband pretended to lye out, took his -leave of me, and my abusive Friend, who was glad of his absence: I made -haste with him to bed, telling him about ten a Clock he might come -safely into my Chamber, and bed which he knew well enough, not to -mistake the way. I then left him, and taking horse, went to my new -friend, who expected me at our appointed Rendevouz, where he presented -me with the desired Gown, and I according to my promise, gave him a -nights lodging with me, which was much more pleasant to us both, than -was that of my abusive Friend; who at the hour appointed, went to my -Chamber, and into the Bed where my husband was expecting him; he -believing it was I, began his embraces, and other actions, declaring his -intent; with that my husband leap’d out of the Bed, and four good Old -Women of my Friends, who were hid under the bed, discovered themselves, -and having a dark Lanthorn, lighted the Room, and fell to work: first, -they tyed his hands and feet to the posts of the Beds Head and feet; and -then each being provided with a good handful of Birch laid on lustily, -till he roar’d sufficiently; my Husband making offer to geld him: but -when it came to that point, he begg’d so heartily, that my Husband -consented to his desire, only he paid the two rings he had of mine, as -ransome for his Jewels. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAP. V. - -_Her abused and whipt Lover vows revenge, which is done in part; - afterwards he is kill’d, yet kills his Corrival: the manner how, with - other things very remarkable._ - - -Never did the Canicular dayes infuse into Dogs a greater madness and -fury, than did this whipping in Loves School inrage the minde of our -sufficiently jerkt Amorist; which for the present (whilst under his -Chirurgions hands) he durst not express; for all that he could do, was -to supplicate them not to deprive him of what would make him stand as a -Neuter between the Sexes of humane Generation; which they granted him. - -With much hazard, and greater fear, escaping their hands, only in his -shirt, without shooe or stocking, he got out into the streets; and being -overjoy’d that he was secure, but had the black mantle of night to -conceal his shame, and convey him home, without the knowledge of the -Town inhabitants, ran through the streets with all speed imaginable; -but, by the way, meeting with a sharp stone, it so hurt his foot, that -he was compell’d to slacken his pace, and lamely limp to his lodging. -The Clock had then struck twelve (an hour wherein supposed Bugg-bears -walk, to frighten Children) as he could see just before him two women, -whom a third had raised from their warm beds by her incessant cries, -proceeding from the intollerable pains she then indured, being ready to -be delivered, to hasten to call up a fourth, _viz._ a Midwife. Haste on -both sides had made them so carelesly heedless in their way, that they -were within a spit and a stride of each other, before they could discern -one the other. My cheating, and cheated Leacher perceived the women -first, which put him to a stand, what he were best to do, either to go -forward, or backward; they, on the other side, seeing a thing all in -white stand opposit in their way, judged it to be the troubled spirit of -the lately diseased Husband of this woman they were going to fetch the -Midwife for. He, on the other hand, resolved to go forward; and they -seeing him approach them (skreeking out) ran back as fast as they could; -who being stopt by the watch, and demanded why they made that hideous -outcry, made answer, they had met the Devil, or some thing like him. -Condemning the womens idle and causless fears (as they judged) they -advanced forwards, armed with Bills, Halberts, but principally with an -unparallell’d resolution. My Gallant had stept into a by-corner, when -the woman cried out to secure himself from what might ensue that -unexpected allarum, fully resolved to run home to his lodging directly, -with what speed he might; he started out just as the Watch were advanc’d -within half Pistol-shot of him; the sudden surprize confirmed them in -the womens report, so that, without consideration there was not one of -these desperate Kill-Devils to be seen, but such as with a too -precipitate haste, lay tumbling in the Kennel, one over the other. This -accident gave new wings to my Lovers feet, which were so benumm’d with -cold, that he very much stood in need of such _Icarian_ practices, -_Dædalian_ inventions. - -In conclusion, with much knocking, he made a shift to get in. His -Landlady (who was a Widow) seeing him in this condition, charg’d him -home, asking, Where he had been, how he came thus to lose his skin? -Whether he had been robb’d? Though wanting Garments, yet he would not be -without a Cloak to hide this Venereal enterprize of his, and therefore -replied, That falling into ill company, it was his ill hap to fall into -that damn’d itch, that tickling humour of playing; that having won -something, and like to win more, they would not let him play longer, but -seizing him, stript him, and would have done, I know not what, had not -his flight procured his safety. - -His loving Landlady believing that he was thus really abused, conducts -him to her own warm bed, and like a kind friend would not let him lie -alone, for fear of catching cold. But his Breech was so sore, he could -not lie on his back; and so troubled were his thoughts, he had no mind -to lie upon his belly. His Landlady finding him so backward, imagined -the cause to proceed from his being too forward abroad with others, and -gathered by too many apparent symptoms, that she was much deceived in -his pretended continencie at home; and being hartily vext to be thus -disappointed of her expectations, she leapt out of bed, telling him -angrily, she had more lodgings and Lodgers in her house, and would not -be beholden to him for either; and had she known so much before she did -let him in, as she hath done since, she would have tried how the cooling -Julip of standing in the street all night in his shirt, would have -wrought with his feaverish concupiscence. - -Netled he was to the purpose to hear his Landlady (who had ever since -their first acquaintance born him a more than common kindness and -respect) thus taunt at him; but his thoughts were so absolutely taken up -with a subject of another nature, that he returned her not one word; -which so exasperated her spirits, not to be replyed unto; that laying -aside discretion, with her modesty, she was resolved to ring him a peal -in the _ear-ratling-Rhetorick_ of _Billingsgate_. How now, (said she) is -it not enough that my Servants, from time to time, have sate up late, or -rather early, but that I must be disturb’d from my rest, to give repose -to a restless _Stallion_? Shall my roof prove the _Protector_ to such -_Caterwawling Night-walkers_? Is it not enough, that I have furnished -you continually with money, but you must ungratefully make that the -_Common-procurer_ of your private Veneries abroad, and those gawdy -Clothes I gave you must be the _Gentleman Usher_ that must lead you to -them? Are all your former respects come to this? are your hot pretences -grown so cold at home, that nothing can warm them, but a fire in another -mans Chimney, made there at my expences? She would have proceeded, but -that her clamorous tongue interrupted her, by raising one of Her -Lodgers, who came down at that instant, to know what the matter was; -when my Come-Rogue, not induring her rallery longer, rudely bid her, -rather than gently desired her to go to bed; begging that she would not -trouble him after that manner, charging her with incivility, for -disturbing him from his rest. - -The Gentleman, that came down the stairs, hearing this; and judging she -had prostituted those kindnesses to one that scornfully refused them, -which he had so frequently sollicited her for partly for pleasure, but -principally for profit, had not the patience to check her for it in any -other place, than these down-right; outragiously bellowing forth, Am not -I the oldest Guest in your house, and not a penny in your Debt? Have not -I pamper’d you at home, and Coacht you abroad, till I have not had a -wheel in my pocket for your extravagant delights to move further on; and -have afterwards stab’d my Credit, that you might deliciously feed, and -satiate your self on the blood of the grape: then (when few refuse to -give themselves satisfaction) I have attempted to enjoy what you now -prostitute; but you kept me at that distance, I knew not whether your -breath stunk or not. Nay, I have made use of Critical minutes to -purchase my desire, more especially then, when I could see by the -flaming of your eyes, what conspiracies wine and wanton discourse had -formed within you, to fire the Fortress of the most resolved Chastity. -And shall you now be bid to go to bed? be begg’d to retire from your -satiated Lovers embraces? how can you stand thus impudently in your -smock in a mans Chamber, and yet commanded to be gone? Come, you forget -your self; your _dark-Lanthorn delights_ have dazzled the sight of your -Reason; and let this (kicking her with his foot) light you to your own -Chamber; and withal laying hold on her, would have forcibly thrust her -out; which rude carriage of his made her cry out aloud, fearing some -further mischief. - -This out-cry so startled my Gentleman in bed, that not enduring to hear -his Land-lady so grosly abused, got up, and closing with him, threw him; -and having no other weapons, but their fists, pounded one another to -some purpose. The Woman fearing what mischief might ensue, put her head -out at the window, and cryed Murder as loud as she could bawl; the Watch -(hearing murder cryed out) came running to the house with all speed (not -dreaming they should see again that Spirit which had so lately frighted -them) and perceiving a great bustle in the house, and the same horrid -noise continuing, they broke open the doors, and entring, found two men -scuffling in their shirts, having blooded one the other sufficiently -(this bleeding excused very well the other blood that came from the -firked-back and breech of my Gallant) I say, finding them in this bloody -condition, they doubted they had injured one another with some sharp -instrument; they needed not to search farther than their hands, having -neither of them more cloathes to conceal anything than what modesty -commanded. Notwithstanding they were parted by the Watch, yet they could -not hold their hands off one another; which caused the Watch to -interpose again, and now they resolved to secure them that night (from -further mischieving one the other) at the Watch-houses, and so commanded -them to put on their Cloaths; which the one quickly did, but the other -could not. It would have been worth all my revenge to have seen in what -confusion he stood, at that word of command, or to have known what the -watch-men thought when they saw their Prisoner could finde no Cloaths. - -Though their wonder was great, yet they resolved to have their curiosity -resolved; and therefore askt him, where were his cloaths, and how he -come, or how he could be without them? by the way, surely there was not -much wit in that Constable and his Watch: for had they had any, they -might presently have concluded (from the posture they found those -Gentlemen in) that they were a couple of mendicant Poets, who had but -one suit of apparrel between them, that when the one went abroad, a -wheedling, the other was forc’d to lye a bed a staring; and disputing -who should next scout abroad to find out the Enemies of famine, and not -agreeing upon the point, fell together by the ears. But to return where -I left of, the Constable having interrogated him as aforesaid, he -(endeavouring to excuse himself, and palliate the scuruy usage of his -revengeful Mistriss) answered him, that walking that after noon, it was -his mischance, by a push of that Gentleman they found him fighting with, -to fall into a _Common-house_, (Pox on his witty allusion) and that -having no suit than that, he intended to have lain in bed till it had -been cleansed and dried. That the Gentleman aforesaid would not let him -rest, but came into his Chamber, and with scoffing and irritating -expressions, provok’d him to rise, and endeavour to be rid of his -trouble. - -The other told the Constable, that what was said was a greater lye than -the Devil could invent; that the cause of the Quarrel was his -endeavouring to hinder his Leachery that night, by preventing his -Landlady from going to bed to him. The Woman hearing this, replyed, they -were both of them a couple of confounded lyars, and (that she might make -one of the number) told them; that they intended to have ravisht her, -and that the one breaking up her Chamber-door, the other followed, and -fell together by the ears, who should be the first Actor in their damn’d -design: to prevent which, she was compell’d to cry out Murther, upon -which they withdrew out of her Chamber, and went into one of their own, -where (said she) you find them like a couple of malicious dogs, fighting -for that morsel neither of the Curs is ever likely to taste of. - -This Forgery was more semblable to probability in the Constables -opinion, than any thing else he had heard. Wherefore not to spend -further time in examination, he charged his Watchmen with my two -Gentlemen, and so inconsiderately rash he was, that he vow’d they should -go with him; and had carried them in that very condition, had not the -Woman of the house interceeded, that she might cloath his nakedness as -well as she could for the present; hereupon she furnished him with a -Peticoat of her own, having no other Cloathes that would fit him: -instead of a cloak, she helpt him to a red Rugg; and to crown all, she -clapt upon his head her straw-hat. Had it been day-light, it would have -been worth twelve pence a piece to have seen this _Slavonian_, whose -garb, for strangeness, the barbarous World might admire, but never -imitate. I do not hear that he over-slept himself that night; nor can I -believe that the morning gave his eyes no great satisfaction, in viewing -the preposterousness of his habit; and his Twinklers lookt, as I am -inform’d, as if they had been imployed in nothing all that night, but on -looking on the phantasms of some of his dead and damn’d acquaintance. - -I slept but little my self, that night, partly, by thinking how this -revengful plot of mine would take effect, but chiefly, by reason of my -unsatisfied Bed-fellow, who kept me waking, in spight of my teeth. -However I arose early, and being but a little way distant, soon got -home; where arrived, I understood from my husband, that my Rings were -restored, that he had left me his Breeches, as owning me his Master; and -so he might well acknowledge, for he was never so whipt for being a -naughty Boy, as I caused him to be; and well he escap’d so, having like -to have left behind him a most pretious remedy against several female -distempers; a _Recipe_, as infallible against all manner of -obstructions, as ever was applyed to any _Chalk_, or _Oatmeal Eater_, -since _Eve_ lay in with _Cain_ in her first _Child bed_. Immediately -after I heard of the rest of that Knights incomparable Adventures, and -how he was secured; and had a particular account of the pleasant dress -he was in: never did any thing tickle me more, than the Relation, how -amply and fully I was, revenged of him; yet I could not but entertain a -thought that might incline to pity him; but it would extend no further -then than to send him his Cloathes, and withall a Letter, to give my -self the plenary satisfaction of laughing at him; and those sufferings -he underwent by my procurement; the words and sense were to this -purpose. - - - The Letter. - - Sir, - -_I am much troubled that one of your age and experiance should prove so -meer a_ Novice _in_ Loves-School, _as to be guilty of an amorous_ -erratum, _that should deserve the lash: I see now you are a meer_ Baby -_in our Sex, and ought to be whipt again into a better understanding. -What, trust that Woman whom you have abused! Why, a Child of the_ first -head, _in the_ nonage _of Amorous matters, in the_ Hanging sleeves _of -Courtship, knew this as a_ Maxime--_that if Love, though never so -fervent, be once by abuse converted into hatred, the woman is -indefatigable in her revenge, till_ Death _hath put an end to the -Controversie. Henceforth be better advised from me, how you behave your -self before your little_ Sparkling Goddesses _(as wantonly you are -pleased to call them;) if you will preserve your good esteem and be -dayly cherisht with their Soul-winning and ravishing Smiles, you must -not be relax in your offerings; but if by slighting, cozenage, &c. you -instigate their incest_ Deities _to revenge, nothing but an absence, as -distant as the two Poles, shall protect you from their subtle and speedy -revenge. And now, thank me Sir, that mine hath fallen so slightly on -your Shoulders, having given a stript Simmar, for the Gown I should have -had: I am sorry though, I had not secured you_ witnesses of manhood, -_that they might have been_ Testimonies _continually by me, to assure my -self you will not for the future abuse my love, by fondly affecting an -other. Lastly, hearing that you are clad, as if you were sent_ -Embassadour _from the_ Northern Witches _to their_ Emperor _the_ Devil, -_I thought fit to send you some Cloaths (in lieu of those Rings you left -with my Husband) which are more sutable for humain conversation. But let -me advise you, haunt me no more in them, lest I conjure you out of them -again, and the Devil into you. Be wise, and have a care of being -amorous, when pennyless._ - - Your abused, in part - revenged, _&c._ - -I commanded the Messenger to observe his carriage in reading the Letter; -who told me, all the mad-men in the World, put them altogether, could -not in their most extravagant gestures, have exprest madness so to the -life as he did. However, he was not so mad, but that he did put on his -Cloaths, which upon old acquaintance so complyed, as to fit him to a -hair. Soon after he was discharged; and now invoking the Devil to be of -his Cabinet Council, he walkt into a solitary place, that he might hatch -mischief, that is, be revenged on me, my Husband, or any else that he -supposed might be his rivals. He was quickly furnished with a -mischievous design, agreeable to his desire; and how could he otherwise, -for there are millions of hellish imps of the worser sort, who -continually attend the motions of the malitious and revengeful, to -execute the commands of such who care not how they precipitate others -and themselves into ruine and destruction. - -This stratagem he contrived, by the help of a little credit he had yet -surviving, he puts himself into a new riding garb, mounted with sword -and pistol; having gotten a Perriwig of a colour clean contrary to what -he usually wore; having for the better carrying on his Plot, procured a -false beard, with a black patch on one of his eyes; in this disguise, -the most discerning eye of his most intimate, and familiar friends and -acquaintance, could not have discovered him who he was. In this equipage -he rides out of town, some half-score miles, only to dirty his horse and -boots; and leaves a Letter with a Friend to be delivered to my own -hands, in these terms. - - The Answer to the former Letter. - - Madam, - -_Or rather Mad-dame, for she that is madder that you was begotten in_ -Monte Gibello, _where troubling the Sulphurous wombe of that burning -Mountain, was belcht into the World, and carried on the back of a -whirlwind, to disturb the inhabitants thereof. Think not I will trouble -my self to answer particularly every flouting invective, the which your -letter is stuft withal, but shall tell you in general, you are too -dangerously wicked for my acquaintance; and he that intends to contract -a friendship with_ Hell, _must first shake hands with you; your eyes -will be his light, to guide him; your cheeks, and breasts, are his -highway; and your mouth the gate or entrance thereinto. I do not intend -to buy repentance at so dear a rate, as ever to see you again; therefore -your threats were needless. I am not yet fallen in love with my -winding-sheet, that I should court Death, or hug a Contagion. My sense -of smelling is indifferently well recovered of its late distemper, and -can now distinguish the scent of sound Bodies from putrifaction. My eyes -too have regained their sight, and can plainly see the she-devil in you, -maugre all the paint, and_ fucus, _that is on that daub’d face of thine. -Prithee name me not at any time, lest thy breath for ever poyson my -memory; and to that intent, forget that ever I had a being; and so -wishing thou never hadst one, I take my eternal farewell of thee,_ &c. - - -This Letter he sent me, to the intent I might believe he was so far from -revenging himself on me, that he never intended to see me more; by which -means he facilitated his purpose. In prosecution thereof; late in the -evening he came to Town, and directed his course to our house; upon his -alighting, he seemed much tyred, which we verily believed, his horse -being all of a foam; and desiring his Chamber might be shewn him, it was -done accordingly; and order being taken for a Sack-posset, he supt it -up, and laid his head to rest; he lay abed somewhat long the next day, -pretending indisposition by reason of his long journey, but getting up; -he seemed somewhat pleasant, calling for a pint of Sack for his and his -Land-ladyes Mornings draught, assuring me, that as a stranger he would -not be indebted for any civilities he should receive in my house. I on -the other side, seeing him so forward to part from his money, gave him a -considerable lift by my usual way of spunging. Dinner time approaching I -askt him what he would have; who ordered me to provide variety of what -was in season; not imagining that Table, on which this meat should -stand, should so soon prove the Stage on which a bloody Tragedy must be -acted. A little before we sate down to dinner, I sent for my friend -(that lay with me that night I acted my revenge) to participate in our -good cheer; who coming, we sate down together, there being no other, -than this disguised Gentleman, my Husband, my Self, and Friend. We did -eat, and drink freely; about half dinner this Gentleman seemed to be -very officious in helping me, at last, Madam, said he, I will help you -to one bit more, which you shall not refuse for my sake; I returning him -thanks, in an instant he whipt off with his knife, my Husbands ear, and -laid it hastily on my Trencher; and turning his head quick about, be not -angry, Sir, (said he) you shall have bitt for bitt; and thereupon -endeavoured to cut off my nose, but I was to nimble for him, and by -running out escap’d the danger; my Friend observing what had past, being -too suddenly done to be prevented, stept from the Table, and drawing, -bid the Rogue disguised draw too, or he would pin him to the wall, for -this matchless piece of villany; whereupon he did, but behaved himself -so ill, that my friend wounded him desperately in the body at the first -pass; concluding he had received his Mortal wound, he resolved not to -die alone, wherefore he made a full pass, and so running upon his -Adversaries point, each dyed at once by the swords of one another. I -soon returned with a long train of _Mirmidons_, whom I had instructed -how to chastise this insolence; but Lord! what a confusion was I in, -when I saw the two combatants lye dead on the floor, and my Husband -gazing on them motionless, like one converted into a Statue for the loss -of his ear; which he should have lost, by right, long before that time. - -Some more busie then the rest, stirring their bodies, the false beard of -the disguised fell off, by which he was presently known who he was; and -because it was every where known through the town, how this Gentleman -had spent what he had on me, and was abused for his pains; I was -immediatly cryed out upon, as the Authoress of all this mischief, I -endeavoured to excuse my self, by relating what he had done; _viz._ the -cutting my Husbands Ear off and the endeavouring to cut off my Nose; but -this allegation signified little. Searching his pockets, they found a -note, or letter, sealed, & seeing it was directed to me, they then, -without my consent, break it open, imagining they should find therein -the mystery of this tragical encounter but all they could discover was -only his intention of cutting off my Nose, and my Husbands Ear: the -Lines were these which follow. - - _Insatiate Strumpet; perjur’d-painted-Whore, - Who hast the vice of all thy Sex, and more, - Devil, nay worse; for thou canst by thy face - Make Men Apostate in the State of Grace. - By thee I fell; then did my_ Pagan _knee - Oft render Worship to thy Devilree. - I (being converted) Idols won’t allow; - Down must the_ Dagon _of thy face I vow. - See where it lyes; that Idol, once ador’d, - Must be for want of it, by all abhor’d. - Thy Husband lends an Ear, then let thy Nose, - To_ Sister-Sense _her wretched State disclose. - And then consult thy Glass; See thy fare face - Is vanisht, and Deaths-head stands in the place. - Thy lips some_ Nectar _sipt from I suppose - Will be exclaim’d on, fogh, they want a Nose. - And may thy sparkling eyes, which me did win, - Be thought to kindle from a fire within. - May ulcers seize thee, for the wrong th’ast done, - And living rott, without compassion._ - -The rumour of this sad disaster ran swifter than a Torrent through the -Town; insomuch that our house was so cram’d with People, that our -servants were forc’d to acquit their imployments, to give room to the -inquisitive In-comers, a chirurgeon was sent for to dress my Husband; & -a Coroner to sit upon the other two that were slain; glad I was, that I -had the opportune excuse to leave the Company; and attend my Husband; by -which means I avoided the hearing so many thousand accrimations that -were laid to my charge. In the meantime the Jury found their Deaths -hapned by Man-slaughter: and so thereby though we were present, we could -not be found accessories. - -The noise of this accident did also flye into the Countrey, not -escapeing the ear hardly of any one Guest that frequented our House; -report had rendred the Fact so horrible, and my Husband and Self so -notoriously accessory thereunto, and now all our former wickedness, and -roguery was drawn up in a long Scrol, and this last added in Capitals, -to make up a compleat Sum of Villany. By which means we had little -resort to our House; and our House-rent being great, and our Trading -small, my Husband and I were now necessitated to put our heads together, -by some other means to patch up a future lively-hood. Thou seest, said -he, the more serious, and reputable sort of People, shun our house, as -if old _Belzebub_ were there sitting abrood to hatch those diseases -which should be the destruction of the Universe. And therefore to be -revenged of their thus slighting us, I will meet them abroad, and what -moneys they forbear to spend with me, I will compel them to lend, and -more. Though I am not stout and resolute enough of my self to do this, -yet thou knowest _Humphrey_ our Tapster, is a strong Fellow, and hath a -good heart; he and I, fear not, will do the business. - -For my part, I must needs confess, I question’d not _Humphrey’s_ -performances, having made tryal again thereof; I ever fancyed to try -experience, and marking what a rough-hew’n Fellow he was, all Bone and -Sinew, with a face like a tann’d Bulls hide, I could not be at quiet, -till I had found the difference between this Man, nerv’d with wire, and -others, that were clean limb’d, and streight slender bodyed joynted like -_Bartholomew Babies_, with quaking Custard faces; but so vast a -disproportion between them, that were I Widdow; and were courted by a -Knight worth five thousand pounds a year, with a handsom fair whitely -face, I should hardly be perswaded to accept of a Lady-ship, but for the -sake of his revenew. - -To be short, Sir _Philip Sidney’s_ Cowards were not much ranker than my -Husband; but, thought I, if he hath courage enough to look a Man in the -face, and bid him stand, _Humphrey_ hath strength, and valour enough to -compel them to deliver. Wherefore I perswaded my Husband by all means to -go forward with what he had propounded: I was the more willing to it, in -hopes that he would be taken some time or other; and as he was marked -for a Knave, so he might be hang’d for a Thief; and so be freed from an -impotent Husband. He seemed well satisfied that I assented to his -proposal, and look’d upon it to be a good Omen, and promised success to -his undertaking. On the other side (said he) you must not be idle at -home; you know there is now none but the debauched that resort to our -house, and therefore suit their inclination, if ought can be gotten by -so doing. Your daughter is young, and handsom, let her be the sign to -attract; but pray let me have you furnish your self with other Utensils. -The Boy too is no fool, who, by observing your carriage, and direction, -hath very ill spent his time, if he cannot tolerably pimp as well for -others, as his Mother. Well, well, (said I) husband, you are merrily -disposed; look after your business, I shall manage my own well enough, I -warrant you. My Husband and his Tapster, committed many robberies in a -little time: and very few but what were on our Guests; who freely -discoursing their affairs over a glass of Wine after Supper, many times -discovering what store of money they carried with them, and for what -purpose, gave them a fair opportunity in the Morning to set on them, and -deprive them of it. Nay, so little suspected he was of robbing, that -several have returned to our house after he hath robb’d them, and made -their complaint to him, how basely they had been abused; it was alwayes -his care, and indeed therein he shewed the utmost of his prudence, to -return home with all the speed he might possibly, after he had rob’d -any; by which means, he and his Man rob’d a long time secretly. - -It was generally their good fortune to meet with such as durst not fight -them; a thing that Travellers generally, and justly, are to be condemned -for; who, with easie parting with their money, they not only shew how -meanly spirited they are, but encourage the Thief in his robberies. -Whereas, on the contrary, would they shew themselves as desperate, and -as resolute as their assaulters, it is my opinion they would quickly -turn tail, as not daring to venture the hazard of the dispute. But to -return, though my Husband succeeded so well in his attempts, by meeting -with none but Cow-hearted fellows; yet once, waiting with his man in a -thicket, earely in the morning, for the passing by of a Gentleman that -had lain the night before in our house, who had a considerable Sum of -Money, in his Port-mantle, there travelled by another in the dawning of -the day, whom, by a mistake, my husband assaults; the other drawing a -Pistol, fired it at him, but mist him; however, the report had like to -have done as much mischief, as if the bullet had past through his body, -for with fear he fell from his horse; and had like to have saved the -Hangman a labour, by breaking his own neck. Our Tapster seeing his -Master fall, and verily believing he was kill’d by that was resolved to -revenge his death, had not he seen another come Rideing to him (which -was the Gentleman they lay in wait for) which made him altar his -purpose, and ride away, for the preservation of his own life. The -Gentleman supposing too, that he had really dispatcht this Pad, not -seeing him move all this while (which he confest to me afterwards, he -politickly did, to the intent he might be exempted from fighting, and -securely see the event of the Combat: the other two that came to his -assistance judg’d the same, and advised him to ride away with all speed -to the next Justice; not only to avoid the present danger, for (said he) -this other Rogue is rid away but to get some more of his fellows, to -make a further attempt) but you will also receive the thanks of the -Country, for destroying such Caterpillars, that eat up the Fruit of -their Land. Setting Spurrs to their Horses away they Gallopt, to find -out the next Justice; my Husband perceiving they were gone, got up, and -mounting rode full speed home, without so much as once looking behind -him. Coming home, he found me almost drown’d in tears, and half frighted -out of my wits; not so much for sorrow of his death (which news I had -privately sent me by our Tapster) but for fear, as soon as it should be -known who this slain Thief was, I should have my goods instantly siezed -on, and my doors shut up. I was in a Room by my self, getting some Plate -together, with other choice portable things; and coming to the stair -head, with an intent to convey them out of the house, met with my -Husband full butt; whose face being pale and wan, by reason of his late -great fear, possest me with so strong a conceit, that this was his -Ghost, that the fright made me skreek out, and letting fall what I had -in my Apron, I retreated. This sudden surprize so amazed him, that he -stood indeed like an apparition at the Chamber-door, and had not the -power to come in: this increast my belief, however, I pluckt up my -Spirits, and boldly askt him, what he was, and what he came for? He -sneakingly, in a low voyce, (for he was more than half dead) answered, -he was my Husband, and that he came to see me. My Husband, said I is -dead; and if thou be his damn’d Ghost, I conjure thee, by all that is -good, presently depart, and trouble me not now, since whilst living, I -could never be content, nor at quiet for thee. Not speaking one word, he -turn’d his back upon me, and went down stairs. I never believed my self -a Conjurer till now (although I have been called Witch a thousand times) -and indeed I knew not what to think of it, (comparing altogether) -whether this was a phantasm, or not, but troubling my thoughts no -further about that matter, I took up what I had dropt, and getting into -the yard, would have march’d off with what I had in my lap, had he not -hastened after me, and holding me fast by the arm, told me, that he was -not quite dead, though almost frightned out of his life, and therefore -begg’d me I would not remove any thing that might tend to his prejudice; -and if I would walk in, he would tell me his whole morning Adventure. - -The two Gentlemen coming to the Justice, amply declared what an eminent -piece of Service they had done their Country, by killing on the place -one Padder, and putting to flight another; and that if his Worship -pleased to Summon a quantity of the Parish, to defend them if occasion -should require, they would shew them the place where the dead lay. -Hereupon there were a great many that offered themselves freely to go -along; but coming to the place, found neither man, nor horse, nor the -sign of one drop of blood. The Countrey People finding themselves thus -abused, and not knowing what the design of these two Gentlemen might be, -in putting such a trick upon them, laid hold on them, and carried them -back to the Justice; who being informed that there was not the least -appearance of what had pretendedly been done, askt them the reason, why -they thus abused themselves and others, with meer forgeries: to which -they both replyed, that their eyes had seen what their tongues related, -and concluded, that other padders, confederate with this, had carried -off the Body of their Brother, that they might avoid suspition. The -Justice and others were of the same opinion, and so the Gentlemen were -dismist. - -Our Tapster hearing that his Master was in health, returned home, -resolving for the future, never to hazard his life with so great a peice -of cowardize; and to speak the truth, it was high time to leave off, -since they were shrewdly suspected by the whole Town to be High-way men, -they being seen so often together on Horse-back, both early and late. My -Trade however diminisht not, for I was taken notice of, all the Country -round, to be a dealer in secrets, and ready money commodities; nay, -there were not a few honest mens wives, that would not stick to trust me -in the disposal of the whole _Cargo_ of their reputation. Nay, I was so -excellent at my art, that neither Privateer, nor Publican would act any -difficult matter without my advice. I could Pimp, if occasion served -most incomparably; and I was lookt upon as the best _Procuress_ in all -our Countrey; which I would not have been, but that I was so much tyred -with my daily, nay, hourly Visitants; for though Age and Time have -conspired to ruine the glories of my face, I can assure you, the remains -may inform any they were good. Being so generally noted not only for my -beauty, but my art in _Pandarizing_, a Song was composed on me by some -riming _Doggril_ or other, which I will sing you thus, and so finish the -Story of my former lifes actions, - - 1. _At the Sign of the_ Swan - _There liveth a man, - I go not about to deceive you; - Ten thousand to one, - If you come, he is gone, - That his Wife may the better receive you._ - - 2. _Lovely brown is her hair, - Her face comely fair, - Her waste you may span, ’tis so slender; - Negro black are eyes, - Passing white are her thighs, - All the allurements of_ Venus _attend her._ - - 3. _Her Twins of delight, - (Which are alwayes in sight) - Her breasts which are whiter than snow, - By their panting do beat - An Alarm to the feat, - To combate her Lovers below._ - - 4. _With her smiles she invites - To taste her delights; - Which I would, if I durst so presume; - But I fear she hath fires - Which will quench my desires, - But my body to ashes consume._ - - 5. _She’s an excellent_ Pimp, - _The_ Devils _best_ Imp; - _She’s a_ Bawd, _she’s a whore, that’s too common - If you intend for to fly - Hells flames, come not nigh; - She’s a thing, that is worse than a_ Woman. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAP. VI. - -_Mrs._ Dorothy _goes with her new Acquaintance, who perswades her to - accommodate a barren Gentlewoman a friend of hers, with her child, as - soon as born. A character of this Gentlewoman, and her amorous - practices: the manner of her being rob’d by one of her Gallants; he is - apprehended and executed. Mrs._ Dorothy _is delivered of a Boy, who is - made Heir to a great Estate, and she highly rewarded for her consent._ - - -The Old Woman having thus finisht her Story, she addrest her self to me, -saying, Dear Heart, you see how free I have been with you, not -concealing from your knowledg any one remarkable passage of my life, -though never so infamous or scandalous. I, and though our acquaintance -is very young, yet put your confidence in me, and question not, but that -I shall so assist you in the management of your concerns, that you shall -have cause to thank me as long as you live. Hereupon she acquainted me, -that there was a Gentleman (not far off) well known to her, that had -been married a dozen years and upwards to a very beautiful, and well -proportion’d Gentlewoman; yet had no issue by her; that for want of an -Heir, the Estate after his decease would fall to the younger Brother; -that it was a very great grief to the Gentleman, but especially to his -Wife; and (said she) this Gentlewoman knowing me to be a person fit to -be advised withal about matters of this nature, often sent for me to her -house, where some years since, I counselled her to make trial, whether -she or Husband was in fault; in order thereunto I have helpt her at -times to the enjoyment of at least a score of several lusty young -Persons. And because I would take the surest way, she never had more -than one at one time, and him neither not above a quarter of a year -together; he then frustrating our expectations, I counsell’d her to make -tryal of another. The first I made choice of for her, was a proper young -flaxen-hair’d man, tall and slender; a delicate young man he was indeed, -whose complexion (being Sanguine) furnished him with more heat than is -in any other temperature; which made his hair like fine threads of Gold, -twirl in rings, or rather you might call them the lines and hooks with -which the little wanton God of love did usually angle for female hearts; -had you seen them, you would have sworn that they were sufficient to -catch the heart of a _Vestal-Maiden_, or the most resolved _Votaress to -Chastity_, that ever had a being. His eyes, quick and nimble, and -penetrateing; he had a strong fancy, a quick invention, and a most -incomparable utterance; and his carriage and deportment was incredible -winning; whose single touch of the hand was sufficient to have thaw’d -the most congealed-frozen temper in the world into affection. -Notwithstanding all these allurements, and feir promising properties -with near upon an half years mutual converse with each other, she found -her expectations frustrated. - -Being resolved to make further tryal (for she would not be convinc’d -that she was either defective or barren,) she consulted me, how she -might be rid of this her amorous Hot-spur, and have some other in his -place, of a different constitution; alleadging that she being of the -same complexion, she verily believed her impregnancy proceeded thence; -saying further, that she had heard several, as Well Physitions as others -strongly affirm, that the grand reason, why several Women have no -children, was the too near affinity of their husbands complexion and -constitution to their own; and that on the other side, none more -infallible enjoy’d the fruits of their labours, the offspring of their -bodies, than such, whose corporal temperaments were dissimilar or -different. - -Understanding her humour, I was resolved to comply with her in -whatsoever she desired (being so profitable a friend to me) but I knew -not how to displace her Sanguine complexion’d Gallant, who grew by this -time a most passionate Lover; at length I bethought me to perswade him -to sollicite her waiting Gentlewoman, making him believe that she was -ardently in love with him, and that she had a good Sum by her, which -would infallibly be at his devotion; my credulous young Gamester -greedily swallowed my advice, and followed to a hair my dictations; -having won her (for I know not who could withstand him) he came to me, -and informed me of the time, and place, that he should commence those -delights they intended to continue as long as life lasted; being joyful -of this opportunity, I presently addrest my self to my Mistris, giving -an account to her of her friends new courtship, and when it should be -consumated; advising her to watch them, and catch them in the act, by -which means she should be freed from his future addresses, and likewise -confirm her Maids secresie and fidelity to her. All which she performed, -by threatning her Maid to turn her away, and shame her to boot, if ever -she associated her self, or entertained him again in her house; and -calling him false, faithless man, and I know not what, banisht him for -ever from her presence for his unconstancy. - -The next Dick I pickt up for her was a man of a colour as contrary to -the former, as light is to darkness, being swarthy; whose hair was as -black as a sloe; middle statur’d, well set, both strong and active, a -man so universally tryed, and so fruitfully succesful, that there was -hardly any female within ten miles gotten with child in hugger-mugger, -but he was more than suspected to be Father of all the legitimate. Yet -this too, proved an ineffectual Operator. She now began to suspect -herself of barrenness; but being prompted with hopes, and strangely -induced by the sense of pleasure which she reapt in the variety of her -amorous Confidents, she resolved on a third, a Gentle-man of her own -election, who having been a considerable time a Student in the Inns of -Court, was returned into the Country, to enjoy that plentiful estate his -lately deceas’d father had left him, the antient Seat of his Ancestors; -of stature so low, that he could but just take the upper-hand of a -dwarf, being only elevated by the pole above him. She was fain at first -to Court him, instead of his courting her: and indeed, I could not see -how he could presume (without her encouragement) to caress a Gyantess, -so much taller than himself. - -There was not so great a disproportion in their bodies, as there were -conformity and agreeableness in their wills; and that the Soul of his -which was coopt up, and confined within too narrow limits, became more -active and vigorous; so that attacking her with a lively and sprightful -courage possessed himself of the garrison without a tedious siege of a -12 months courtship, his hair was of a darkish brown, or chest-nut -colour, not handsome enough to be a woman, yet too fair to be a man. -Though he was not tall, yet nature exprest no irregularity in his -formation: being symmetrical, or proportionably composed from the lines -of his face you might have collected Capital Letters enough to have -spelt a Gentleman; and not an action, or expression of his (excepting -this of his too intimate familiarity with another mans wife) which did -not largely declare the immensity of his Soul, and the virtues that -thereunto belonged. - -So dearly she loved him, (that notwithstanding he did not answer her -expeditions in making her Belly swell) she so doted on his Company, and -converse, that she gave her husband too many palpable causes to suspect -her honesty, and integrity towards him. Not, but that for the sake of an -Heir, (which he question’d whether he should ever get himself) he would -be content to wink (as he hath done several times) at the freedome his -wife hath taken with several others besides himself. But looking on my -little dapper squire to be to little for that purpose, and that would -come short home, as to that business, took an occasion to affront him, -that it might produce a quarrel, that should eloign him from his house, -and further intimacy with his wife. However, though he had low and -undervaluing thoughts of this Gentleman, by reason of his stature, yet -he found him in field, full as tall as himself in true valour, being (as -we say) mettle to the back. It was the hap of this Gentleman to be -desperately wounded by the lesser, and so dangerously, that it was -supposed his wounds would end all the future differences between them; -however recovering this Combate separated them eternally. - -My Mistris was so well acquainted with the loss of her Gallants, that -she was not much troubled to be deprived of the society of this last; -but all her trouble was, to get another in his room. Shee applyed her -self to me again, her undeceiving Oracle, and received her accustomed -comfort, that in a little time I would procure her another, that should -out-throw the rest, at least a Barrs length; I was not long in the -procuration; for there was a Gentleman that frequented our House, who -spent his money very freely, yet had not a foot of land, neither had he -any trade, or tools, but the high way, sword and pistol to bring him in -a lively hood. He was a lusty well set man, and red-hair’d; a complexion -that hath often gone through-stich. I had often tryed him my self, and -therefore I could the better recommend him to a friend. One day (his -stock being low, and he at that time in our house) he desired me to lend -him half a peice. I being glad of this opportunity, told him I would, -and withall desired to confer with him in private; he joyfully accepted -my motion, thinking I had some secret design to take my accustomed use -for the loan; but he was strangly surprized, and even distracted with -excessive joy, when he heard me tell him, what a Mistris I had provided -for him; that he should have his belly full of sporting, & be liberally -paid for it too. We appointed the day when I should introduce him into -his new Mistriss’s acquaintance, but with this condition, that I should -share with him in his gettings. It was concluded on, and he possest of -his Treasure, to the full content of them both. My House was now his -constant receptacle, or dormitory, but when he was in the embraces of -his mistress; and he was very honest in giving me my share, my half -part, and commonly spent the rest (to my advantage) of what he had -received; and to the intent the more might come into my pocket, I -advised her by all means not to starve his service, but incourage him -often with sums of money; urging moreover, that the poor Gentleman could -not but be at great charges in maintaining himself in a strange place, -exiling himself freely from his own habitation, to be near at her -Command; beside the great expence he is daily at in costly broths, -jellies, with other provocatives, or restorers of decai’d nature. - -I needed not to have tempted her to liberality, she being naturally -prone thereunto; always extravagantly rewarding kindnesses of this -nature. She began now to grow very pensive, and unusually melancholy, to -see all her swelling hopes thus dasht; and was not so sociable as she -used to be with her friend; which gave him some cause to suspect her -inconstancie, or that she would speedily desert him, and accept some -other; which put him on the contrivance to save something, that might be -a support to him, if his sallary should fail, or at leastwise keep him -alive, till his Country-Contributions, or padding incomes should supply -his profuse, and unnecessary expences. - -When ever he came, she entertain’d him with such an undeserved -franckness, that she concealed nothing from him, that might either -please his fancie, or satisfie his curiosity. Understanding she was -admirable at her Needle, he desired her to shew him some pieces of her -art, that he might by the applauding of the one admire the other. She -readily condescended to what he propounded; being glad he had demanded a -thing which came within the verge of her power to please him withal. -Opening a large Cypress-Chest, she shew’d him great variety of excellent -pieces of her own hand-working; and withal he discovered several bags -cramm’d with other pieces, which he had a greater minde to handle; which -I conceiv’d she shew’d him out of meer ostentation, telling him withal, -that as long as one penny was in them his pockets should not be -unfurnisht with money; and that when all those bags were emptied, her -Husbands annual estate would quickly fill them again, and six times as -many. - -This assurance of having his constant stipend continued, prevailed not -in the least on this Caret-pated villains ingrateful designs; but he -resolved, with the first opportunity, to make himself Master of those -sums, although he knew he must unavoydably lose his Mistress thereby; -the next morning she sent for him, to acquaint him, that her Husband was -gone some twenty miles off, and that he would not return in five days, -having 300 _lib._ to receive of such a man, naming the place where he -lived. This damn’d Dog, hearing this, caper’d for joy, which the poor -Innocent believed, proceeded from his thinking what a long time he had -to enjoy his Mistress uncontroulably: whereas it was otherwise, for now -he knew how to kill two Birds with one stone. - -However, that she might not mistrust him as guilty of any treachery, he -behaved himself so pleasantly and his Caresses were so agreeable, that -his Mistress esteem’d her self the happiest woman in the world, in the -enjoyment of the person of so facetious, and most accomplisht Lover; -nay, so fond she was of his company, that she was resolved to make the -most of him in her husbands absence; and therefore caused him to lie in -the house, not induring him out of her sight, till the day before her -husbands returne; at which time he walkt out: what feastings, junketings -and jollitings together there were in that time, none are better able to -conceive than such who, with their large purses, have inlarged hearts, -caring not how dear the purchase is, so that the pleasure be great, -though not of two minutes lasting. You must understand, that I went -snips with him in these delights, as well as in his profits; I had a -liquorish tooth still in my head, and therefore would not be out of -call, to participate with them in their Viands, and Banquetings; Indeed, -I was ever an excellent smell feast. - -The day (wherein he went abroad, as I told you) was the cursed time in -which he procured assistants, to carry on his hellish plot, which had -like to have proved my utter ruine. It seems he appointed them about -four of the clock in the evening to come to the Gentlewomans house, -where (as before) we were all making merry; and knowing the strength of -the house, there being never a man at home, the Groom being gone with -his Master, and only a foot-boy left, he appointed only two that should -manage the design beside himself; who knocking at the gate, and the -foot-boy opening it to them, they instantly seiz’d him, both binding, -and gagging him. Having bolted the Gate, they advanced into the house, -and seemingly very peaceful, they mounted the stairs, having secured -those who were below in the same manner, as they had done the boy; as -soon I saw two men now entring the Chamber, where we were, I then -concluded that we were betrai’d, and that the principal Traytor was our -supposed friend; I hereupon opened as wide as my jaws would give me -leave; which one of the rogues perceiving, clapt a gag within my mouth, -and so kept them at that gaping distance, the Rogues might have had some -consideration before they had served me thus, as knowing I had few teeth -to barricadoe my gums from the injury they might receive from that -confounded instrument which stretcht my mouth asunder. - -The good Gentlewoman, seeing how barbarously they handled me, did not -question they would exercise the like cruelty next on her; to prevent -which, she fell on her knees, beseeching them not to abuse her, and -throwing them the keyes of what they lookt for, bid they take what they -pleased. Her accursed Villain had the impudence to view the tears run -down her lovely cheeks, without the least remorse, or pity on a soul so -dearly loved him, he only raised her with his hands, assuring her, she -should receive no other injurie than the loss of what money she shewed -him, and his eternal happiness; for I know Madam (said he) how insatiate -you are, how variable, how changeable upon the slightest occasion; I am -not insensible what variety you have already tyred (the more to blame me -that imforced him;) and how many more you intend, may be sufficiently -drawn from your unsatisfied humour, and inconstant nature. And now if -you love your life, stir not till we are gone; and thank our lenity, -that we have not secured you other-wayes. Taking up the money, every one -carrying a part; hold (said one) we have forgot something yet, that -Ladies hands must be tyed, least she ungag that serious and now silent -Matron there: her hands and legs must be tyed too, lest she talk or walk -to fright us. Having so done, come now let us go (said the Red headed -Traytor) it is high time, lest that old witch swallow on of us; don’t -you see how she gapes? God b’you (good Madam) you are bound to be -constant now; dear Partner (pointing to me) farewell, I thank you for -your procuration money, and so away they went; in less than half an hour -the Gentlewoman had with her teeth set her hands at liberty, which soon -gave my hands, feet, and tongue the like, and discending the stairs, we -found the maids, and boy bound, and gagg’d; having loos’d them she -whisper’d her boy in the ear, I knew not what, but it was to fetch a -Constable, which he did in an instant; and whilst I was condoleing my -Friends loss, and misfortune, I was apprehended by her command, and -conveyed to Goal, there to bewail my own too rigid fate. - -I cannot much blame her suspition of me, since there were arguments too -many, and strong enough to perswade her I could not be innocent, and -therefore what ever I alledged in my justification stood for a Cypher. I -sent for my husband, with many other friends, but none of them could -prevail with her from sending me to Prison; seeing there was no remedy, -I was resolved to endure my confinement as patiently as I could. - -These three rogues had their horses not far off, ready sadled, which -they mounting, rode directly in that road where they were sure to meet -their prize; and as the Devil would have it, they waited not two hours, -before they could perceive two riding directly towards them, and soon -after could discern them to be the Gentleman and his groom; the first of -an undaunted resolution, but weakly, by reason of a Chronical distemper, -that had a long time afflicted him; his man, by his bulk, shape and -looks, appeared like one that could teach a _Guy of Warwick_ to fight, -and give a president of such a valour, as only became a _Royal Champion_ -to own. The Gentleman was first commanded to stand and deliver, which he -did, but it was a Pistol, which he discharged without any execution; -they fired at him again; and wounding him in the sword arm, he dropt his -sword, and whilst he was submitting to their disposal, his man sets -spurs to his horse, and most valiantly ran for it; getting to the top of -a little hill, not far distant, where turning his horse head, most -manfully about, he had the confidence to look on, whilest the Thieves -robb’d his Master. - -The gentleman seeing himself thus deserted by this lubberly-cowardly Hog -driver was ready to burst with anger; but knew not how to come at him to -be revenged; and therefore begg’d the robbers, in lieu of what money -they had taken from him, to do him the kindness, to baste his man -soundly that stood on yonder hill, as a meer looker on. I, _I_, said the -one, _I_ will give you that satisfaction presently my self alone, and so -setting spurs to his horse, rode up to him, and complemented him no -otherwise at first, than with the flat of his sword, which -notwithstanding made his sides and shoulders smart to some purpose; this -great looby took all this with incredible patience; but the Pad by -chance cutting him; nay, now said he, flesh and blood is not longer able -to endure; and with that drew a broad two egg’d Scotch-sword, and -handled it so well, that he cut this fellow off his horse presently; the -other two seeing their fellow over-matcht, advanced with all speed, and -both assaulted him at once: but he seeing them approach, and being now -blooded, made ready to receive them by drawing a Pistol, which he fired -so luckily, that the shot deprived him of one of his enemies more, and -he had now no inequality of number to oppose him. Success had so flesht -him, that he fought more like a Devil, than a man, laying about him -backwards, and forwards; so that he disinabled the third, which was the -first Plotter. Had his Master been able to fight, and there had been as -many more against him, he so behaved himself, that there was no work for -any to do but himself. Thus did this one man, who had never fought -before (and therefore like an horse, knew not his own strength till it -was tryed) conquer three, that were accounted Cocks of the _Hectors_. - -The Gentlemen searching their Portmancicks, and finding 400 _lib._ was -amazed at so considerable a purchase; and securing it, with this -surviving Rogue, and their Horses, rode directly to the next Justice; -where leaving the Booty in his hands for the present, the Prisoner had -his _mittimus_ drawn up, and was sent to the same Gaol his Landlady, the -Hostess was in. Notwithstanding all those disguizes he made use of to -seem another man, he was known by me, and received from me a whole broad -side of just reproaches; which had like to have sunk him deeper, than -the pressures of his present misfortunes could do. What (said I) did you -not live too much at your ease? had you not but too much plenty, which -took you off those desperate courses, or might have done, which would -without doubt have brought you to the Gallowes in the end; but having so -little regard to your own wellfare, I could not expect much from you as -to mine; though gratitude might have commanded you to have studyed my -preservation, although you should hourly hazard your own. Instead of -applying smooth, and soothing answers (which might have been as -Cordials, or Balsom to my wounded mind) he gave me this corrasive, this -Choak-pear, that if I would not hold my clack, which dinn’d his ears -worse than the Catarachts of _Nile_, he would declare before the Bench, -upon his tryal, that he would never have done so foul a fact, but by my -instigation; and that if I held not my tongue, he assured me, that -(since he knew that it was impossible for him to escape with life) he -loved me so well, that I should dye with him, to bear him company in the -other world. - -Perceiving what his desperate resolution was, I thought good to alter -the Scene of my chat, and beg him to be patient; assuring him, that what -I had said was not out of any ill will, but to make him sensible how -much I was his friend at all times; and that my own imprisonment (for -his sake) troubled me not so much, as the danger that he was in; and -that he might accuse me, if he pleased, and so endanger my suffering -with him; but I charged, withall, his Conscience with my innocencie in, -and ignorance of what he and his accomplices had acted, contrary to my -privity. It was some comfort to hear him then acknowledge before a great -many witnesses, that I was no way accessary to his guilt; and when the -Assizes came, he acknowledged upon his Arraignment, that none abetted, -or were concerned in what he had done, and there stood arraigned for, -but himself and two others, which were slain in the contest. Whereupon I -was discharged by Proclamation of Court, none coming in against me; and -he received sentence of death, which was accordingly executed three -dayes afterward; he then again at the Gallows declaring to the -spectators my innocencie in his robbery. - -This Confession of his, I thought, would as well reintroduce me into the -favour of the abused Gentlewoman, my former friend, as by his suffering -death give full satisfaction to her inraged revenge. In order thereunto, -after my Gaol delivery, I sent her several Letters to pacifie her -passion, and imployed several friends to acquaint her with the reallity -of my former fidelity, and present integrity: at length they so far -mediated with her in my behalf, that she sent for me (when her Husband -was abroad) and in the walks of her Garden, discourst me largely, as to -whatever had past between us, or anybody else by my means. And now, said -she, this last unhappy and unexpected villany from a friend you procured -me, and one I dearly loved, hath tyed up my hands from ever enjoying the -like opportunities again. For my Husband finding that the purchase he -took from the Thieves was but a Pig of his own Sow, his own money, and -knowing the principal Robber to be the Person I often treated at our -house with much civility, shrewdly suspects, that I not only consented -to the Robbery, but would be easily induced to believe to his death too, -were it not for the great loss he knows I should receive by his death if -he should dye without issue. However he is much more cautious of me than -he used to be, taking his money into his own custody, and he sets a -watch over me to observe what company I keep abroad, or entertain in our -house: and therefore, if ever you intend to redeem your former credit -and estimation with me, study some project how I may carry on the design -afore propounded, of having an Heir, that the Estate may not pass to the -next Brother. A man I cannot but hate, for several weighty -considerations. The crookedness of his disposition, and the -unsuitableness of his humour to mine, were sufficient to make me not -love him; but his insufferable wicked practises, both against me, and my -Husband, make me absolutely detest the very sight of him. When I was -first married (quoth she) I thought my self as capable of conception as -any she that ever wore a head; & my husband being then healthful, & -actively vigorous, soon confirming me, in the opinion of being a teeming -woman: It seems I was with child, though I knew it not; and finding a -great change and alteration in my body, I was so ignorant, as to believe -I was breeding some ill humours, which, if not timely purged away, might -ingender a disease that might prove my death. My Husbands Brother (which -was wiser than my self in that point) knew very well I was breeding -young bones, the growth of which would infallibly lift him out of all -his flourishing hopes of enjoying his Brothers Estate; therefore out of -a seeming tenderness, and vigilant care of the presevation of my health, -followed my own perswations, with his damn’d advice; and at the end I -was induc’d to take a vomit to clear my stomack, he telling me, for -certain, it might be very foul, since I was so frequently troubled with -puking in the morning, and vomiting after Dinner. An Apothecary of his -own procuring (with his Devilish instructions) made up the Composition, -which, without imagining the least harm, I easily swallowed, which -wrought with me so strongly, that, having nothing left within my stomack -for it to work on, I thought it would have brought up my very heart -within its appurtenances; the Devil of a Physitian all this while seemed -to comfort me, by saying, be cheerful, Sister; this will clear you (and -so it did of what it should not) and clense you of those malignant -humours which so much prejudiced your healthful constitution; and that -he might make sure work of me, counselled me to take a purge, and that -would carry all downwards, and then my business was done; I poor easie -fool, was quickly drawn to it, and the second time swallowed that, which -the next day made what I went withal prove abortive. - -I had often seen, but more especially heard, that this Doctor was no -sooner gone from his Patient, but he was immediatly in the Company of my -brother, which made me, with a great deal of good reason, conjecture, -they plotted no good together; wherefore I got two Doctors more to visit -my Husband, who plainly told me, at the first sight (both agreeing in -one opinion) that he was poysoned. Hearing them say so, I could not -forbear; but, in the agony of my Spirit, cryed out, I know the -Murderers; and their lives shall here, for the loss of his, make -satisfaction in part, and in full, by their damnation hereafter. They -desired me to be patient, assuring me that they would use their utmost -skill to over-power the poyson; and doubtlessly he had dyed, had not -these two eminent Artists bestirred themselves to purpose. In a little -time they raised him on his feet (which made his former Doctor betake -himself to his, having not been heard of by us since;) but they could -not assure me how long it would be ere he would be down again; for (said -they) he will be an infirm, impotent man, as long as he lives. - -If now my hatred to my Husbands Brother be not justly grounded, do you -judge; and I hope Heaven will not be offended with me, in finding out -some way to disposses him of his hopes, in having the Estate, who rob’d -me of my fruitfulness, and would have deprived my Husband of his life. - -Madam (said I) there is just now a plot come into my head; which if you -please, shall be put in practice, and that is this. Since your Husband -is thus infirm, and you barren, this must be the only way, which must -crown your desires. I will immediately go upon the search for some young -thing with Child, whether she be Wife, nor neither Maid, Wife, nor -Widdow, it matters not; whom with large gifts, and larger promises, I -will perswade to part with her Child, when born, and you shall lye in -with it; let me alone to the management of all; but first, let me find -out a Person suitable to our purpose, and I will warrant you to carry on -the rest to your full satisfaction. I will instantly for _London_ where -I cannot miss of Subjects enough of this sort, out of which I may pick -and choose. She liked this proposal so well, that she would not suffer -me to stay a minute longer with her, but that I should instantly leave -her, and make my self ready for my Journey; and thus far have I -travelled in order to the finishing thereof, when I met with so blessed -an opportunity, of falling into discourse with you, Dearest Madam, which -I hope will tend to both our happinesses, if you will be ruled by me. - -Thus, said Mrs. _Dorothy_, I heard the whole relation of her self, and -others, with great attention: and thought it was now my Cue to speak, -which I did in this manner, not only cautelously, but with much seeming -reservedness. Mother (for so, by the disparity of our Age, I make bold -to call you) the account you give of your self is so monstrously wicked -that I know not whether, with safety, I may interchange any further -discourse with you; neither can I but take notice of your subtility, and -matchless craftiness, as well as your unparallel’d debauchery, and -wantonness; you may very well excuse me, if now I stand on my guard, and -wearily entertain a parley with you; since you are known to be an old -Souldier in the Wars of _Venus_, and so may fight too cunningly for me, -that am but a stripling upon any such account. However make your -proposals (and if I may be assured you pump me not to intrap me) as I -find them faisable, and profitable for the future, I shall accept them, -and be ready to be servicable to you, and your design. - -The good old Gentlewoman, as one transported, by hugging me in her Arms, -interrupted me, saying; Daughter, mistrust me not in this affair, and -try whether I will not in a little time make you as happy as your own -wishes can make you; and thereupon asked me how long I had been with -Child, and whether I could be content, that, by anothers owning it, the -Child hereafter might be owner of an Estate (it seems born to) the tenth -part whereof none of my Ancestors ever yet enjoyed. - -It is confest, said I, my own weakness, and Female frailty betraid me to -unlawful embraces of a handsom young man, whose subtle sollicitations -could not be withstood by a Nun, much less by me; and yielding, I now -carry both the Sin and the shame of those stolen delights about me, -where ever I go. That though it was my ill Fortune thus to lose (by one -throw at play, inconsiderately) a thing of that value, my Maiden head I -mean, yet it was some comfort to me, that it was a Gentleman of no mean -worth that won it; and I question’d not but the off-spring would be like -the Father, as well in the comely proportion of the Body, as Gallantry -of Mind; being thus fully perswaded it will prove so goodly a Person, it -will the more trouble me to part with it to another; that if I should do -any such thing it is not for necessity; for, as I had money considerable -of my own, before my deluding Lover came acquainted with me; yet, to -compensate that single kindness, he hath so showred his Gold and Silver -on me since, that my Wealth may procure a Match considerable enough, -though my face carryed in it no other invitation. Come, come, Daughter -(said the Old Woman) Something hath some savour: and although you have -enough, yet more will do no harm; besides your Child will be well look’d -after, well provided for (which you may see when you please) and you rid -of that incumbrance, will be in a better condition for any one to -sollicite you in Marriage. Being thus convinc’d by the subtle Arguments -of this cunning Matron, I condescended to whatever she would have me to -do; and so without further delay, the next morning we rode together to -the House of this old Gentlewoman; where alighting, she had no sooner -provided a necessary Room for me, and given order for my Supper, which -was extraordinary, but her impatience immediately hurried her to the -Gentlewoman, her Friend; and being out of breath, told her, as well as -she could, that she had effected the business beyond expectation; but -because she would not leave me too long, begg’d her excuse, promising -the next morning a full account of all her proceedings. That night was -spent in all the jollity imaginable; Fowles of all sorts, and the -choicest of the season were provided; Wine flowed so plentifully through -every room of the House, that I wonder it did not reel into the streets. -I am sure the servants would, had not a noise of Musick held them by the -ears, whil’st their Legs caper’d like a pair of Drum-sticks. Although -they took but little repose that night, yet my Hostess got up early to -wait on her Correspondent, who had not slept that night, for the eager -expectation to hear how her desires were accomplisht. - -But overjoyed she was, when she saw the old Woman approach, who taking -her aside in one of the walks of the garden, askt her how she had sped, -and in what manner. The old woman (as much transported with joy as she) -have patience, and I will tell you, said she; In my way to _London_, I -met with several that had nibled on the bait of concupisence; but they -were such flounder-mouth’d, draggle-tail’d, dirty Pusses, that I would -not venture upon any of them; but at length comming to an Inn on the -road, I accidentally fell into the Company of a Gentlewoman (which is -this that I have now brought with me, to be serviceable to you) who by -her deportment informed me, that she was not meanly extracted; and by -those wanton torches in her face, which Nature had drawn to allure, and -captivate hearts, I guest she was not unacquainted with the Masculine -gender; and as I imagined, so it proved; for I have so rigled my self by -discourse into her concerns, that I soon made her unravel the bottom of -her secrets. To be short, I found her every way fit for our purpose, and -by an extraordinary device, I have made her ours; and that you may -satisfie your self farther, I will bring her to the Park, a mile from -your house, where I shall desire you to meet us in the afternoon. -Hereupon she departed, and acquainted me how she had opened the way to -consummate what we had agreed on; and so having dined, we went to the -place appointed, where the Gentlewoman was already come to meet us. - -The Gentlewoman seeing us at a distance, made up to us, but was -strangely astonisht when she saw a person so unexpectedly handsome, and -in a Garb which as much exceeded that which she wore, as the face she -saw excelled most others that she had seen before; and therefore thought -it requisite to make her address, as to a person of no mean Quality; yet -thinking again, should she do so, I might think she mockt me; (for had I -been nobly born and bred, I would never have condescended so low, as to -prostitute my body to the unlawful embraces of some hot-blooded Gallant, -and afterwards mercenarily expose the Infant to the disposal of a meer -stranger;) therefore familiarly thus she spake; Sweet-heart, Though I -never saw you before, I am not unacquainted with your affairs, and am -much troubled, that so good a face should be so deluded, and grosly -abused by any Promise-breaker of them all; but since what is past cannot -be recalled, I shall endeavour to redress your misfortunes, after this -manner; you shall lodge with a good old Gentlewoman, not far off, a -friend of mine: but be sure you keep your self private; and when you -have a mind to take the air, and enjoy your self, you shall not want a -Coach to carry you whither you list, so it be far enough off: your -provision at home, with all things necessary, and your expences abroad, -shall be at my charge; all that I shall require of you is, that when you -cry out in labour, your Childe may be at the dispose of your Landlady, -whom I constitute your Guardian. If in the interim you want any thing, -let me know it, and you shall be supplyed, and enjoy your self as -freely, as if you were Empress of the whole World; and when you are -discharged of your great belly, you shall not want a sum to make you a -good portion for any honest man. Be not seen in the Town, and do not -come to our house, but be ruled by your Guardian; and assure your self -this, your Child shall be my Child, and what estate I have, or my -Husband, shall be his: and so she took her leave of me, cramming my hand -full of _Jacobusses_, as the earnest of a better penny. - -I was forthwith conducted to this house, which was intended for my -lodging privately, where I was entertain’d, according to instruction, -with much respect and gallantry; a Maid was there ready provided to -attend me, and there was nothing wanting in my entertainment to make my -life comfortable, and my looks cheerful. Here did I merrily pass my time -away, being often visited by my old Hostess, daily puzzling each others -invention, what we should have for Dinner; what recreation in the -afternoon; what for Supper, and what divertisement afterwards; how to -make our pleasure more poyant by their diversity, and variety; but the -greatest difficulty lay in our cunning projections of going abroad, -which we knew we must carry with a world of secrecie, or spoil all -whatever we intended to do. - -In the mean time, the Gentle-woman (understanding my true reckoning, -which was three moneths gone with Child) calculated her time -accordingly, and gave out, she was with Child: every one admired at the -news, having not had any in so long a time of marriage, and knew not -whether they had best give credit to the report; her Husband would not -be induced to believe it by any means, looking upon it as incredible, -nay, almost impossible; but that which most of all favoured what she -would have credited was her being troubled at that instant, with some -hydropical humours, which had so swelled her belly, that she had much -adoe from perswading her self, that she was really with Child. Her -Husband perceiving this, from an Unbeliever became a Convert, and by his -belief wrought all the Neighbourhood into the like perswation: but that -which knockt the nail on the head, was the opinion of the Midwife (a -Creature of the Gentlewomans, made absolute to her devotion by gifts, -and promise of future rewards) which proclaimed it every where as a -wonder, that one after so many years, having never born a Child, should -now at last conceive. Neither was the kind, and over-indulgent Husband, -backward in spreading ostentatiously, his glory, that he should at last -be called Father, when all the glimmerings of those hopes were quite -extinguisht. His joy made him so rash and inconsiderate, that he bespoke -Gossips, and concluded upon a name for it, though he knew not whether it -would be born alive, male or female. On the other side, the seemingly -over-joyed woman provided clouts for the bantling, and all other things -necessary, which an over-busie Lullaby could invent. So many wet Nurses -were sent for, that they came tumbling to the house by dozens; and so -many faults were found with them, that they Troopt off again as fast; -one was dislik’d for her Hair, it being of a red colour, and therefore -her milk was lookt upon as too hot, rank, and venemous; every one giving -in their Verdict, that she should not be wholesome, since the _Turks_ -were accustomed to make the rankest poyson of the flesh of slaves that -were red-hair’d. Another was too tall, and therefore slothfull, and -unactive, being not talkative enough; a third not clear skinn’d, nor -well featur’d, having a cast with the eye, which might be the ill -pattern of directing the Childs eyes amiss: a 4th. had a too indulgent -husband, whom they feared one time or other might curdle the Child’s -milk, and so endanger its health: a fifth had had formerly sore Breasts, -and they doubted from thence the Milky-way might be polluted: a sixth -was too melancholly enclin’d, which they judged would not only prejudice -her suck, but deprive her of the talking qualifications of most Nurses, -who look upon the impertinent nonsensical tittle-tattle to their -Children, to be the basis of all their future learning. With much adoe, -they at length pitch upon a lovely brown woman, full grown, well -featur’d, quick sighted, clear skinned, middle statur’d, with breasts -little and round, her blood cirkling them in the pleasant blew -_Meanders_ of her veins. Now lest they should loose her, if she went out -of their sight, she was hired, and entertained into the house -immediatly, although her Mistriss had five moneths to go of her supposed -time. - -Though her Husband was extasied with joy, his Brother was moved by a -contrary passion, his folly making him shew it, in so unseemly a way, -that every one now concluded him that, which they only surmized before, -a villain, that had both studied and practised the ruin of his nearest -relations; & he was often accused & upbraided for so doing, that he was -forc’d to leave the Town, and since is gone to a Cozen of his living in -_Barmudus_. - -My time began now to draw nigh, being groan so bigg I could not with -convenience stir abroad, and too restless to stay at home. As I felt any -pain, I caused my Mistriss to be acquainted therewith, that she might be -so too; if I felt my self much disordered, I sent away her confident -presently to allarm her; who acted her part as artificially, as I did it -really. These out-cries of hers made the whole Garrison continually -stand to their arms; there being about her continually the Midwife, -Wet-Nurse, Dry Nurse, with many Neighbouring assistants: the Maids below -ready at command, and a _Man Midwife_, if need should require with so -many instruments ready fixt, as would with the very Iron set up a -Black-smith: and all for the strangeness of shape, surpassing any rarity -in _Tredescants_ Collection. - -After so many false allarms, a true one came at last, carried by our -Confident aforesaid, with my Child in her lap; whose very appearance was -watch-word enough for the Gentlewoman to express the pangs of -Child-birth, which she did then in a more violent manner than before, -imagining something more than ordinary: she approaching the bed askt her -lowdly how she did, and how she felt her self, and at that very instant -clapt the Child into Bed to her; who immediately skreeking out, the -Midwife ran to her, where seeming to be busied about her a while, at -length takes the Child from her, and doing with it, and her, as is -usual; the news of this her happy delivery was conveyed to the Husband, -who was near at hand, attending, and with tears lamenting the sad pain -his poor wife underwent for him; but the joyful tydings of having a Son -born, wip’d away all those tears, and so animated his feeble Carkass, -that he would have entred the Room, before it was either Civil, or -Convenient, had he not been stopt by meer force. I shall not trouble you -by relating what an Universal rejoyceing there was through the whole -house, but only inform you, that before the expiration of a moneth the -Child was Christened, being as lovely a Child as could be born of a -Woman, not any limb or part of his body, which did not promise to exceed -his true Father in every thing. The Gentlewoman being up, as soon as she -understood I was well and fully recovered, appear’d abroad in publick, -whose happy delivery was by all congratulated. And to gratifie me, she -sent me an hundred pieces of old Gold, desiring me to remove my -Quarters, and to engage my tongue eternally to conceal the secret. - -I now thought it high time to send to my two Gallants, who were obliged -to me in bonds, the one to pay me fourty pound, and the other fifty, -upon my delivery; they being both assured of the truth thereof, delayed -me not, but sent me my moneys by the first conveniency, which added to -my late purchase; and what money I had before, made up to weighty a -portion, for so light an Houswife as my self. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAP. V. - -_Mrs_ Dorothy _relates several passages in the Inn: as, how the Host - drew Guests to his House, and then cheated them: the Boy by his - Example, attempts to cheat, but is taken in the manner; is beaten by - his Mistris, but is revenged of her and his Master; is turned over to - be corrected by the Under Hostle, but is wittily, and pleasantly - revenged on him._ - - -I was now (continued Mrs _Dorothy_) rid of my great Belly, and instead -of that, had a great Bag of money; and my Child being thus provided for, -as I have told you, I retired from the place where I had lain in -private, now to appear in publick at the House of my very good friend, -the old _Crony_; part of whose Adventures I have already related to you: -and since you have not thought me tedious in the discourse I have -already made you, I shall give you an account of some such Transactions -in her House, during my stay there, which, I believe, will be no less -pleasant than what you have already heard: and then having made a short -pause, we thuss proceeded. - -[Illustration] - -The whole Family, consisting of her self, her Husband, a Son of about -twenty four years of Age, and Daughter about nineteen, a Chamberlain, a -Tapster or Winer, an Hostler, Cook-maid, Scullion, and two or three -boyes; who were imployed under the others, were all alike, knavish -enough, all guilty of such unparallel’d Knaveries as I have rarely heard -of; and knowing of one anothers tricks, they out-vyed one another, -striving and contending which should exceed in Roguery, and so sly and -cunningly they carried it, that ’twas difficult to discover them, -especially when they all joyned together to cheat or abuse any body; but -when they fell out among themselves, they made excellent sport in acting -the revenges they took upon one another. My Landlord loved his pleasure -and profit so equally, that he made it his business to contrive how to -joyn them together; and although he commonly had the best Custom of any -house in the town, yet he would practice wayes to gain, and bring in -more; among other wayes, he used this for one. He would take his Horse -in an Afternoon, and ride out some ten or twelve miles, and so return -home again; but he seldome came home, but he brought Guests with him, -which he would take up by the way, thus. - -If he saw a parcel of Travellers, who he thought to be good fellowes, -and fit for his purpose, he would then enquire which way, and how far -they travelled; to this they commonly answered, directly; and if they -were for our Town, then he would joyn with them; and soon after, his -second question would be, to know if they were acquainted at the Town, -and at what Inn they would take up their Quarters: If they were -strangers, and by that means indifferent of the place where they should -lodge; then he told them, that the best Inn in the Town was his House, -but not naming it to be his, or that he had any Interest in it, but only -that he knew there was a good Hostess, who had a handsome Daughter that -would use them well; and he seldom missed with this Bait to win them to -agree to go thither with him, and accordingly to bring them home with -him. But if they would not agree upon the place, and he saw there was no -good to be done, then he would pretend some excuse to stay behind them, -& would wait for such company as would at all points be for his turn; -and with them would he enter the House as a Stranger: indeed he would -call the Chamberlain, Hostler, and Tapster, by their Names; but they, -who knew their Duties, would in no case shew any Duty to him. Then would -he, as being acquainted in the House, tell his Fellow Travellers what -provisions there was for Supper, and would be sure to draw them up to -the highest Bill of Fare he could. If the Hostess, or her Daughters -company were desired, he would be the forwardest to call them, and only -treat and converse with them as of some small acquaintance; after -supper, he would endeavour to draw on the Company to drink high, and use -all possible means to enflame the reckoning; and when he saw they were -well heated with wine, and the fury of their expences was over, he would -pretend, out of good Husbandry, to call for a Reckoning before they went -to bed, that they might not be mis-reckoned, or staid from the pursuit -of their Journey in the Morning; to this they would commonly agree, and -the Sum total of the reckoning being cast up, he would be the first man -that would, without scruple, or inquiry into the particulars, lay down -his share, and by his examples, the rest would follow; if any did -question the dearness of the Victuals, or the quantity of the drink, he -would by one means or other take them off, protesting that the Hostess -was too honest to mis-reckon them, and that he had kept a just account -himself, and was well satisfied; or else he should be as cautious from -parting from his money as any of them; and then they, not distrusting -him further, would by his example pay the shot. Thus would he many -times, by his Crown or six shillings share, mis-reckon on them sixteen -or twenty shillings; especially if they came to high drinking: and then -the reckoning being paid, they went to bed, he retiring with his wife, -and he would lye abed in the morning, and let them march off alone; but -if they, in the Morning, did fall to drinking again, taking a hair of -the Old Dog, then would he up, and at them again, make one at that -sport, and many times put them out of capacity to Travel that day, and -so keep them there to his profit, and their expences; he shifting his -Liquor, and in the end, shifting himself out of their Companies, when he -has seen his Conveniency, leaveing them to pay roundly for their folly. -If they enquired after him, my Hostess would pretend he was a Chance -Guest, as they were, only, she had seen him the last year, or such like; -and thus he would force a Trade, and enjoy his pleasure and profit, by -joyning them together; and this course did he frequently use when Guests -came not in of their own accord; so that our house was seldome empty. - -As mine Host, who was the Head and Chief of the House, had his tricks, -so had the rest of the Family theirs, even the least in the House; for -there was an unhappy boy, who was sometimes with the maid in the -Kitchin, sometimes with the Tapster, attending Guests in their lodgings, -and other times, with the Hostler and Horses in the Stable; this boy, -though he was little was witty; and seeing that every one had their -tricks, he cast about how he might have his, and have some profit in the -Adventure; so that one day, mine Host being abroad, and the Tapster out -of the way, he drew the drink; and not only the Beer, but carried -bottles of wine to the Guests, & seeing them in a merry vain, he thought -to try his skill at mis-reckoning them; and for six bottles which he -carried into them when they came to pay, he reckoned them eight; and -though there was some questioning of the truth, yet he justified it, and -stood to it, that he had the reckoning he demanded. - -This being his first considerable attempt in this Nature, for he had -gained two shillings for himself, he was resolved to keep the prize for -himself; and therefore putting that up in his Pocket, he delivered the -rest at the Bar; the reckoning being wiped out. - -But the Company falling into discourse, in short time called for more -wine, and then the Tapster being returned, he officiated in the boyes -place, and turning him into the stable; more wine they had, and staying -longer than ordinary, and falling again to drinking, they quaffed off -the other half dozen bottles of wine, and then calling to pay, the -Tapster, thinking to put his old trick of mis-reckoning in practice, -told them, there were seven bottles to pay; but one of the company who -was more cautious than the rest, had made his observation, and every -bottle that was brought in, he unbuttoned a button, and so was able to -aver and justify that there was but six; and withal, the rest of the -company believing him, they all fell a ranting, vowing that they would -pay for no more, and farther alledging that they were mis-reckoned one -or two bottles in the last reckoning; the Tapster, although he was -guilty as to himself, yet he did not believe them as to the other -reckoning, because he could not imagine, that the boy would be so bold -as to attempt to cheat them, and therefore he huff’d as high as they in -justification of the boy and himself; and such a noise they made, that -the Hostess went in to know the cause of that clamour: they at first -were so hot on both sides, that they would not hear her speak, neither -did they speak reasonably themselves; but in the end she understood the -matter, that they were wronged of one or two bottles by the Boy, and one -by the Tapster; she hearing the matter, did not so much stand to -justifie and vindicate the Tapster, whom she did imagine was guilty, but -as for the boy, she was very confident, that he had not wronged them, -and when the heat of their anger was somewhat over, she examined -particulars enquiring how many bottles they paid for, they said eight: -she who had not so soon forgotten what she had received, averred that -she had but six _shillings_ for wine, and therefore it was a mistake; -they still aledged _eight_, and she _six_, till now nobody could end the -controversie but the boy, who was sought after, and in short time found -in the hayloft asleep, or meditating how he should bestow his purchased -Treasure; but being found, he was without any questions there -immediately led away before the Gentlemen and his Mistress, who were to -be judges of this matter of fact. The question was soon stated to him, -and he too well understood the matter, which he stoutly deny’d, but -there was quickly such clear evidence appeared against him, that he was -found guilty; for he not dreaming or mistrusting any such matter, had -not conveyed the money away, so but that the pockets being searched, -there the two _shillings_ were found, to the great shame and confusion -of the small delinquent: this was to the great amazement of the Guests, -his Mistress, and the Tapster; but the money being laid down, and two -bottles wine being brought in for it, the Gentlemen were well enough -pleased, and made no further enquiry into the other bottle, which the -Tapster had likewise mis-reckoned them; so that he scaped without shame -or punishment, so did not the boy, who was not only ashamed, but was -ordered to be severely punished, and therefore the next morning was -fetched up by the under Hostler, (one who was not so wise as the boy, -though in growth he was much biggar) with a Cat of nine tailes, which -gave so great an impression on the poor boyes buttocks, that he was -resolved on a revenge, which he effected, as I shall presently tell you. -This boy was now looked on as an errant cunning Rogue, and one who -without good looking to would be too wise for them all, for he had -presumed to mis-reckon two _shillings_ in six _shillings_, and put it -all into his own pocket, whereas the Tapster who was a proficient in -cheating, and licensed therein (but with this _proviso_, that half of -what he gained thereby was to be paid to his Mistress) only endeavoured -to mis-reckon one _shilling_ in six; so that, I say, the boy was -narrowly watched, and had many a blow on the back, and box on the ear, -more than formerly; he who knew he had deserved it, for he was guilty of -many petty waggeries, was forced to bear, but however he made provision -against it, for his Mistress using to pommel him on the shoulders with -her fist, he one time took a paper of pins, sticking them with the -points upwards, placed them between his Doublet and Cassock; and his -Mistress striking him, as she was wont to do, did light upon the pins, -pricked her hand till the blood ran down her fingers ends, and the boy -running away, she could not imagine how this was done, for she saw -nothing upon his coat, that should cause it; so the boy getting away, -removed the paper with pins, and there was an end of the matter for that -time. The Mistress finding she had suffered by striking him on the -shoulders, would come no more there with her bare hands; but used a -cudgel, if it were near her, and if not she would use to slap him on the -mouth with the back of her hand; and one time, he being in the Kitchen, -and she running after him to strike him, he claps a knife, which lay -near him, into his mouth, with the edge outwards, she not minding that, -but endeavouring and intending to give him a great blow did so, but to -her cost, for she cut her knuckles in such pitious manner, that the -blood ran down abundantly, and now it was no fooling matter, but -Chyrurgions work, wherefore one was sent for, and the boy ran away to -his wonted dormitory, the hay-loft. The Mistress took her Chamber, and -towards Evening the Master came home, and bringing with him some Guests, -he soon missed his wife, and thereby knew the occasion of her -retirement, and it was not long ere he saw the boy, the Authour of the -harm; he therefore took up a cudgel, and ran hastily after the Boy, who -fearing the danger, betook him to his heels, and ran cross a dunghill in -the yard; the Master being eager to pursue the boy, did not take the -same course the boy had done, who had passed over a board he had laid -there on purpose, but the Master missing of that, went on one side, and -fell into a great filthy hole, which by reason of much wet and rain, was -there slightly covered; and had he not been helped out by the Hostler, -he might have stifled; he having recovered his feet, left the pursuit of -the boy, and was forc’d to be conducted to bed, which was to his great -grief and dammage, for he had spoiled his cloaths, wet himself, and -which was worst of all, he by this means was disappointed of his purpose -in making a prey of his guests he had brought in with him to that -purpose. But the Tapster and others, did their best in that behalf, and -the Boy was again committed to the disciplination of the under Hostler, -who by the command of his Master, almost flead the poor boys buttocks. - -The Boy was now revenged of his Master and Mistress, who finding him so -unlucky, had no great mind to meddle with him, neither did the Boy -studdy any revenge upon them; but so often as he saw the under-Hostler, -who had now twice been his tormentor, his blood would boyle at him, and -all his study was to be even with him; and thereupon he watched for all -opportunities, and it was not long ere he found one. There was meat at -the fire to be roasted, and he was ordered to look to and wind up the -Jack, which was made to go by a stone weight, which was fastned to -pulleys, and when the Jack was woond up, the stone weight being on the -out-side of the house, was drawn up two storyes high, to the eves of the -house; the boy observing this, and that the Jack-weight was down, and -seeing his Enemy the under Hostler in the Yard, just by the jack-weight -he lifted that off from the hook, and conveighed it under the girdle of -the Hostler, just behind, he not perceiving it: when he had thus done, -he ran into the Kitchin, and woond up the Jack, the Hostler being none -of the wisest, wondered what it was that first of all held him by the -back, and afterwards drew him up from the ground; but it was too late -ere he discovered the truth, for he was now hanging in the aire; his -girdle was of strong leather, with a great brass buckle and thong, which -he could not possibly undo; neither durst he attempt it for fear of -falling, and therefore he was in short time drawn up to the top; the boy -not thinking this revenge not enough, seeing no body came, proceeded -further, and taking a parcel of wet horse-litter, and some dry hay, he -placed it just underneath the Hostler, and set fire to it, which made -such a smother and smoke, that the poor Hostler was almost choaked, -wherefore he roared out most hideously; the boy having done all he -intended, said, _Now remember the Cat with nine tayles_, and so ran -away; by this time the Hostler made so much noise, and the jack -together, being forced by weight to go faster than ordinary, that at the -noise all the houshold ran to see what was the matter, when, in short, -there was found the poor Hostler hanging between heaven and earth, and -with coughing and roaring he purged forwards and backwards, but most -backwards; in regard his girdle forced it downwards by pressing and -gripeing his stomach, so that he was in a most lamentable pickle; and so -great was the astonishment of all the beholders, that he was come down -almost to the bottom, ere the smoaking hay was removed, or he relieved; -but at length down he came, and thus ended this adventure. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAP. VIII. - -_The Boy learns, and practises Vaulting and tumbling, the maid servant - attempting to do the like, is intangled, caught in the manner, and - laughed at: she puts a trick upon a Puritanical Church-Warden, and - makes the boy by another trick, to lye in bed, and lose his dinner; he - is revenged on her by a Gunpowder plot._ - - -Mrs. _Dorothy_ putting a stop to her discourse, gave us conveniency and -leisure to express our satisfaction by our laughter, in which we -continued for some space, and then rehearsing and commenting on what she -had told us, we again renewed our laughter, she joyning with us in the -same exercise, when we had put a stop to our mirth, she thus continued. - -Truly, Friends, I did think I might a little divert you by my relation; -but I see you are pleased much better than I expected, and if you are so -well contented with this which is but a taste of what I can tell you, I -am sure the rest would be much more delightful; but being desirous to -put an end to my discourse, by relating to you such matters as only -concern my self, till my arrival here, I therefore beg your excuse. Nay, -replyed I, and Mistress _Mary_, you must not refuse us the request we -both make you, of proceeding in these pleasing Adventures of your -houshold; and, continued I, it is enough to know and find you are here -with us, we are satisfied in that, and hope you will give us the other -satisfaction we desire; and I pray be as full and free in your recital -as you can, for we cannot think any thing to be tedious that is so -pleasant; she hearing my desires, after few excuses, agreed thereto; and -thereupon she thus reassumed the discourse. - -The poor under Hostler being thus descended from his place of Torment, -was almost in as pitiful a plight as one taken down from the Gibbet half -hanged to be quartered; he had as little motion or sense; for he was -almost suffocated with the smoak that ascended and flew up his nose, and -down his throat; and as Malefactors do (as they say) piss for fear, or -some other cause, so had he done; and not only so, but we could perceive -somewhat else, of a yellowish colour, that had soaked through his -breeches, run down his stockings, so that few would touch him; but at -length, the Hostler, his superiour, considering his condition and former -good service, took him up, and carried him to his bed adjoyning to the -Stable; where, with the assistance of _Aqua vitæ_, he was soon brought -to his former senses. Our young Rogue in the mean time lying in the -Hay-loft over him, laughing at the roguery he had done, and the groans -he heard the poor fellow fetch, were as so many instruments of musick to -raise his laughter to the higher pitch. - -This Rogue, who wanted nothing so much as Roping, or a good Cat of nine -tailes, now escap’d with out either; there being no body in the whole -house that had any mind to meddle with him; he was threatned by some, -whilst others only laughed at him, and he went merrily about his -business: and to conclude, much company coming that day to the house, -and the particulars of the Adventure being told them, they sent for the -boy and Hostler; and after several questions, and much laughter, they -made them drink to one another, and become Friends. - -The boy being thus freed from punishment, set his wits at work, how he -might employ his time to the best advantage, and be getting of money as -well as the rest of the Family did; and soon after there being a fair at -our Town, among other fooleries that attended it, there were a parcel of -Rope-Dancers, and Tumblers; our boy was Master of so much money, as to -see them two or three times; and having very much affection to that -quality, he purchased acquaintance with such another Crack Rope as -himself, who was a very nimble and active youth at the Art of Vaulting; -him he invites to our house, and treating him with such as the House -afforded, by all means desires his instructions in that nimble mistery; -he soon assented, and our boy being ingenuous, and very willing to -learn, soon attains to the knowledg of this mistery, and taking all -opportunities of practising, could soon leap through a hoop, vault over -two or three joynt stools, tumble on the ground in various manners; and -being a pretty proficient, had money several times given him by Guests -that came to our house, for shewing his tricks; by vertue of his money -he would brag and vapour as well as the best in the house; and the rest -of the servants seeing his gain would attempt to do the like, but many -times came off with the breaking of their shins; amongst the rest, the -Cook maid had a mighty great itch to learn and practise some of these -tricks belike, supposing that if he, who was a boy, did get so much -money by them, that then she might gain much more being a maid; and that -she might as well do them as he; the obstacle of Petticoats she removed -by, resolving when she had learned, to have a pair of Breeches and -Doublet for that purpose, and that she questioned not, but to get money -enough, it being a greater Novelty to see a woman in breeches; but -before she purchased them, she resolved to practice in her ordinary -Habit, her Petticoats, and did so when she had convenient time and -place; so that she likewise could perform somwhat in that practice. One -time most of the other servants being abroad, she was sent into the -Cellar to draw a Gallon Pot full of Claret Wine; she believing it would -be some time ere it were full, by reason it ran only through a small -Cane whilest the Pot was filling, she lies down on her back, and -resolved now to try whether she could put her feet in her neck, in order -to practice some new trick of tumbling; shee soon put one there, and -with some difficulty likewise put the other, when she had so done, she -could not possibly undoe what she had done, her feet were as fast to her -neck, as if they had grown there; and though she tumbled and tossed, yet -it was all to no purpose, for she could not by any means disentangle, or -disengage her self from the posture she was in; she finding her self in -this condition, knew not what to do, for the Pot was now full, and the -Wine ran about the Cellar, and with tumbling about she had made her -Coats to fly about her ears; at length she resolved to cry out, hoping -her Mistress, or some other of the females of the house might hear her, -and come to her rescue; this resolution she put in execution, and cryed -out amain, help, help; we were all in the Room over her, and therefore -soon heard her voice, but not knowing whose, or what was the matter; -mine Host at length said to the boy, sirrah, run down into Cellar, and -see what is the matter there; the boy did so, and after some little stay -came up again, and cryes out, Oh Heavens! Master, I think our Cook-maid -is murthered for I went down, and there lyes her body without a Head, -and a great deal of blood about her (which was the spilt Claret) but, -said his Master, are you sure her head was off? yes, yes, said the boy, -come see how it is cut of from the neck; and yet, continued he, I cannot -think she is yet dead, for she moved her hands, and still cryes out, but -her head I cannot find. Mine Host hearing of this strange matter, soon -ran down into the Cellar, which was not so dark, nor he so dim sighted, -but he presently discovered how the matter was. The only thing he did, -was to stop the Wine from running out, by putting the spiggot into the -faucet, and so returned up to us, and told us that the boy was a little -mistaken; but such a sight had he seen as was very unusual; and -thereupon desires us to desend into the Cellar, and see what he had -done; no sooner had he said so; but our curiosities likewise induced us -to go down, where in short time we likewise had the satisfaction of -seeing this strange sight: how said I, this is some Monster, and it -would do well to keep it in this manner till the next fair, and then we -may gain more by it then all the Tumblers did. A pox of Tumbling, said -mine Hostess, I believe this came from that Exercise. - -We thus having spent our Verdicts, helped the wench to disingage her -self, and put her in her wonted natural posture; but when she was so, -she was not come to her self, so much was she spent with strugling, and -her joynts were so out of order, that we were forced to lead her up -stairs, and put her to bed. - -She was mightily ashamed at this mischance, so that we could hardly -perswade her to be seen by anybody; but the boy was as well pleased, as -she was troubled; it was honey and nuts to him to tell the guests, how -the Cook-maid could do some feats of activity, as well as he, and then -relate to them, in what posture he found her. Much sport was made upon -this account; and although the Wench was shy at first in being seen, yet -in time she bore it out bravely, when the guests gave her money to talk -with her about this Adventure. - -By this means the wench became a great Enemy to the boy, and did him -many shrew’d turns, but durst not meddle with his body politick, -dreading the danger she should run into by the harmes of others who had -been his persecutors; wherefore she was forced to let him alone as to -matter of action, only now and then she would exercise her wit upon him, -in which she seldome came off but with the disadvantage. She was famous -for this her trick of activity, by which she got money, but much more by -another, which she soon after effected, and came more clearly off with -it: It was then in time of rebellion, and all observations of -_Christmas_, _Easter_, _Whitsontide_, or any Holy-days, were by the -Factious accounted superstitious, especially any observation of -_Christmas_; and therefore, the more to cross the desire and humour of -those who would observe the feast of _Christmas_, the men then in power -commanded a strict fast to be on that day kept and observed, with -penalties on all those who should dress any victuals; and althorough the -Town, and especially our house, was of another perswation, yet such was -the prevalency of the Faction, that it, was strictly observed; & it was -given out that the Officers of the Town would search houses, to find and -punish Offenders. Our Cook-maid hearing of this, was resolved to put a -trick upon the Officers; who about the middle of Sermon time came -attended with a Guard, to see and examine our Kitching, where they found -not the Jack a going, yet they found a good fire, and the pot a boyling: -_How now_, said Master Church warden, _How dare you break the Lawes, by -dressing victuals on this day? What have you in the Pot?_ Quoth the -Maid, _Nothing but plumb porridg? How,_ said the Church-warden, -_Superstitious Porridg? this is a very great offence, and deserves as -great punishment, to do thus in contempt of the Laws; I will see your -Master fined for this, and severely punished. Well_, replyed she, _but I -pray, Master_ Church-warden, _be not so angry, but be pacified; which I -know you will be, when you see further what is in the Pot, and with what -the porridge are made; and lest you should mistake I will shew you_; -whereupon she went to the Pot and took out a large pair of Rams-horns, -and said, _Look you_, Master Church-warden, _this is the meat; how like -you it? I hope so well, that you will tast of the broath your self -without scruple of conscience?_ The case was so plain, and -Master-Church-warden was so sensible that he was jeer’d, that he made -all possible haste out of the house, threatning what he would do to the -Wench, who now only laughed at him, as did some of his attendants, who -knew the Church-warden was very sensible of the affront, his wife being -one of those who wore cork-heeld shoes, which made her pass for a light -Huswife, as indeed she was. - -This trick which our Maid put upon the Churchwarden, raised a great -noise in the Town and Country, and brought all the Cavileers to our -house, who gave her somewhat to her box, so that she was very happy in -this project, and our Host had very great Custom. - -But still the Boy and Wench could not agree to set their horses -together; for his business was to be up in the morning with the first, -and help her make her fire, this he could not indure, for he loved his -bed mightily well, and would rather want his belly full of victuals, -then sleep, he had liberty to lye a bed on a _Sunday_ so long as he -pleased, because then they had few guests; wherefore he would constantly -lye by it, till dinner time, which he knew by the jack going; for so -long as the jack went, so long would he lie by it, but when that was -stopt, he thought it was time, to rise to dinner. - -The wench observing that he observed this Custome was resolved to put a -trick on him, and therefore one _Sunday_ though dinner was dressed by -twelve a clock, and eaten by one, yet she let the Jack go on till four a -Clock after-noon, still the boy lay listning to the Jacks going; and -hearing that go still on, gave himself to lazyness, and took many a -sweet turn, which she laughed at heartily; at length she stopt the Jack, -and immediately the boy arose, and came down stairs (for he lay in a -small loft over the Kitchin) to see what was become of the roast; but he -found none in the Kitchin, nor Hall, nor no body in the house but the -wench; who seeing him search about for his Dinner, and asking her -questions about the affairs of the belly, she could not answer him for -laughing; but soon after the family returning from Church, he discovered -his own mistake, and her roguery; for this, he resolved on a revenge, -which he had upon her the next day, when, a considerable dinner being to -be dressed; he was called up in the morning to make a fire; he did so, -and was more than ordinarily diligent, for he laid a row of Cinders, -then fresh Coals, then a row of gun powder, then a row of Cinders, then -more gun-powder, and so Cinders, till this pile of building was erected; -that done, he slightly kindled it and departed, going on an errand out -of the Town. The Wench not knowing, or distrusting the intended -mischief, hung on her Pot; and both the Spits of Geese, Capons, and -other Fowls; but before they were a quarter roasted, the train of Powder -took; with that up flew the Pot; and both the Spits, with all the Fowl, -took a second flight; the Wench was amazed, and the Dinner spoiled, for -the ashes and Cinders had made all the Fowls of a sad colour: so that -the Wench stamped and swore, as if she had been bewitch’d. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAP. IX. - -_The Maid is out-witted by a Country Fellow in an eateing wager, and so - is her Master, mine Host; who makes himself whole again by another - eating wager. Three Women drink off eighteen Gallons of Rhenish Wine - at one sitting, and the manner how._ - - -Mrs. _Dorothy_ pausing, and we laughing, gave her the conveniency to -consider of what she was to say further; wherefore in short time she -thus proceeded. - -The poor Wench was at a great loss, to think that the Guests must loose -their dinner; and she could not for a long time think how this came -about, nor distrust that the boy had been concerned in it; but at -length, the mist being removed, her eyes were opened, and she believed -the boy to be the Authour of this mischief. But since it was done, and -what was past could not be prevented or helped; she bethought her self -how to proceed; and therefore, her Mistress coming into the Kitchin, and -seeing the state of the matter, they likewise called me and the -Daughter, to assist in the remedy; whilst the Wench made the fire good, -we fell to washing the Fowls from the fowleness which the Cinders and -Ashes had caused; but when that was done, we had a further and more -tedious work, to pick out several corns of powder that were fastned into -the skins of the Fowls; at length, with many hands, we likewise -performed this work, and with an hours loss, the Dinner was in as much -forwardness as it had been; and at length, it was dressed and eaten; but -the Guests tasting, and seeing some remains of the Gun-powder, my Host -excused it well enough, by telling them that those Fowles were shot by -an accident. - -Thus was the Dinner eaten, and much Wine drank off before the boy -returned; but so soon as he came in, mine Host took him by the hand, and -led him into the room where the Guests were still a drinking: and first -desireing silence, and then their pardon, he told them this was the -Gunner, that had shot all those Fowls they had eaten, at one shot; how, -said they, he is an excellent marks-man: yes truly, said mine Host, but -he had a strange kind of instrument to do this Execution; and I pray, -Gentlemen, do you examine him how it was done. - -The Guests thinking there was somewhat in the matter that was pleasant, -desired the boy to acquaint them with it; he seeing how matters went, -and believing no harm would come to him, in plain terms told them all; -they were strangely pleased with the boyes discourse; and he having told -them the manner how he did it, they desired to know the cause, -wherefore; to this he replyed, it was because the maid had cheated him -of his Dinner, by letting the Jack to go, as I told you. - -The rehearsal of that Adventure pleased them as much as the other; and -the maid was call’d in, who confessing all that the boy had told them, -the Guests made them Friends, and gave money to each of them; advising -the Wench not by any means to fall out with the boy, and so they -dismissed them. - -Thus had we much pleasure by Adventures, which every day fell out -between this boy and some body or other, but I will leave that, to tell -you of somewhat else, as considerable and pleasant. Our Cook-maid, -though she were pretty cunning and witty; was yet sometimes out-witted; -for one day, an ordinary Country fellow came into the Kitchin; and -calling for a Flaggon of beer, sate down by the fire to drink it and -thus he began with the Wench: Here is good drink at your house, but I -wonder you are not as well provided with Victuals; why, said she, so we -are, for here is good meat at the fire, shewing him a piece of roast -beef, that weighed above a stone; yes, said he again, the meat may be -good, but there is but a little of it, there is enough for you, replyed -she; no, but there is not, said he; how, said she, can you eat all this? -Yes, that I can, said he; I’le lay a wager of that, said she; what you -dare, said the man, she would have the wager be a quart of wine (for she -was resolved against money wagers) nay, said the Man, a pint is enough -for me with this meat, and so much will I lay: She thinking, that the -less she layd the less she should lose, if she lost, and being very -desirous to see this great wager of eating performed, agreed to his -Terms, and thereupon he fell too lustily, and did eat considerably, but -far short of all, so that he consented his wager to be lost, and the -pint of wine was called for; he seizing on it first, put it to his nose, -and drank all off; and throwing down _six pence_ for his pint of wine, -and _two pence_ for his pot of beer, was departing, when her Mistress, -mine Hostess, enters the Kitchin, and seeing the fellow departing, asked -who must pay for the meat? Not I, said the fellow; Nor I, said the -wench, so that a controversie arose between them; but mine Host and some -company coming in, ended it, by ajudging, that since the Country-man -called for no meat, it was not fit he should pay for it, and he not -paying, the maid must, which she presently did it, but was laughed at -for her folly. But she was not the only over-reach’d person in the -house, for it was not long ere mine Host himself was finely caught. - - * * * * * - -There came three men, who although they were neighbours, and famous for -eating, yet mine Host not knowing them, they thus over-reach’d him: they -came to sup, and lye there that night, and therefore went into the -Kitchin to see what was for Supper. There was Capons, Pidgeons, and -Sparagus: Very good meat, said they: Now, mine Host, what shall we give -you a peice for our supper of these three sorts of victuals? He asked, -how much they would have drest: they asked him the same question, How -much he would dress: Why, said he, I will dress three Capons, three -dozen of Pidgeons, and fifteen hundred of Sparagus. Very good, said -they: but if this be not enough, we expect to have more. That you shall, -said he; but you shall sup first, and I hope there will be enough for my -self and family, when you have done. For that, you must adventure it, -said they; Well now, your price? Said mine Host, I will have three -_shillings_ four _pence_ a piece, that is, ten _shillings_ in all. -Content, said they; Make haste that we may drink afterwards. Thus was -the Bargain made up, and the Fowls laid down to the fire. In the mean -time the three Travellors fetched a walk, to get them (as they said) a -stomack to their Supper; which in convenient time being ready, and they -returned, they thus began; each of the three took, each of them, a Capon -whole on their trenchers; and cutting them into pieces, they made one -mouthful of each wing, another of each leg; and scraping all the meat -from the Carcass, into two or three mouth-fuls, the Capons were -invisible; then they drank each his cup of Claret, to whet their -appetites; that being done, they fell to the Pidgeons, and cutting each -Pidgeon into four quarters, they eat them, bones and all, at four bits; -and then they drank again, and fell to the Sparagus, which was in short -time bestowed where the rest of the victuals was; mine Host seeing them -so quick at their work, stared at them, and they calling for another -glass of wine drank to him, and told him, that he must provide more -victuals, or lose his wager, he being angry at both their propositions, -at length thought it was better to let them have more meat, than not to -be paid for what they had, and be laughed at into the Bargain; wherefore -he replyed, they should have enough; and calling for the Cook-maid, -commanded her to dress the same quantity of victuals; she staring on the -Guests, they bad her go down, and make haste for they wanted their -supper: down she went, and did accordingly; and whilst supper was -dressing, they walked and smoak’d, in their Chamber. In time the other -course, consisting of three Capons, three dozen of Pigeons, and fifteen -hundred of Sparagus was brought up, and in as little time as before it -was eaten up, as the former had been to the great cost, loss, and -confusion of mine Host; who stared now worse than he had done; but -however he again asked them, if they would have any more; to this they -readily replyed, _Yes_. He again called, and the Cook maid being come -up, was commanded to dress the same quantity again, and that quickly: -She replyed, she could not, for all the Fowl that was killed, was eaten; -and it would be a great while, ere she could kill, pull and dress the -like quantity; besides, there was no more Sparagus then to be had; they -told mine Host they must have their bargain, or he lose his wager: he -replyed, if he could not furnish them with that, yet they might have of -any other sort of victuals: they said, they would have that, or none, or -else a third way, come to composition, to this mine Host gave ear, and -asked what composition: they told him, that indeed though they could -give a dispatch to more victuals, yet they would for once forbear -further eating, and exchange their victuals for drink: so they reckoned -what their other mess of victuals might come to, which being computed to -ten shillings, they desired ten shillings worth of wine. Mine Host shook -his head at this and said, they did him too hard, which they confessing, -and a little further discoursing on, it was agreed that they should have -each of them a quart of _Canary_, in full satisfaction of the wager: -this they had, this they drank off, and so went to bed, where they slept -more soundly then mine Host, who with all his Family went supperless to -bed; and he was extreamly vex’d, that he should be out-witted and -over-reached by three Bumpkins; but what could not be cured must be -endured; it was but a folly to complain, self do, self have, and now he -remember’d the wager between the Cook-maid and Country-man, and had no -cause to laugh at her anymore. Night being spent, part in sleep, and -part in these cogitations, he arose, and so did his guests, who honestly -paid their shot, though not half so much as their reckoning came to; and -at departure they told him, that if ever he had occasion for an eating -wager, if he would send for any of them, they would do their weak -endeavours to assist him as much to his gain as this had been to his -loss; and thereupon acquainted him with the places of their dwellings, -they departed: and indeed, it was not long ere he had occasion to make -use of them; for a Person of Quality, being to travel our Road, sent his -boy before to our house to bespeak a Supper; the boy, having mistook his -Master in his direction, instead of a couple of Capons, and a dozen of -Larks, which he had ordered him to bespeak, he bespeak, a dozen of -Capons, and a Couple of Larks, mine Host did somewhat distrust the boy -for his directions, when he spake of a couple of Larks, and told him -surely he was mistaken, he must have two dozen of Larks; no, said the -boy, my Master is but a small eater, and the dozen of Capons and the two -Larks will be enough for him and his Company, which is but one -Gentleman, besides himself; well, replyed mine Host, however I’le -provide two dozen of Larks; and if your Master will not eat them, I’le -have them my self; to this the boy consented, and the fowls were ordered -to be dressed accordingly: mine Host was very sensible of the mistake, -and that the Boy should have bespoke but two Capons, and a dozen of -Larks; but however, the boy being so confident that it was a dozen of -Capons, he was resolved to dress them, and that his Master should pay -for them; but lest they should be left on his hands, and deducted for, -he bethought on a way to have them dispatched; wherefore he dispatched -away a boy to one of his three Capon and Pidgeon eaters, desiring him to -favour him so far, as to come that evening to his house; for he did -believe he might do him a kindness in some affairs relating to the teeth -and guts. The Country man was at home, and came at his time: but before -he came, the Master of the boy came thither, and asking what was for -Supper, was answered, a dozen of Capons, and two dozen of Larks; and for -whom is all this provision? said the Gentleman. For your worship, said -mine Host: how so, said the Gentleman, by whose order? by your servants, -replyed mine Host; and thereupon the boy being called, sirrah, said his -Master, what orders did I give you about my supper? Sir, said the boy, I -believe there is a mistake, and so I told mine Host. For I only bespake -a dozen of Capons, and a couple of Larks; and he said, it was too -little, and that he would dress two dozen of Larks. The Gentleman and -his Friend laughed at the Boyes mistake, and excuse; and mine Host said, -that he thought two dozen of Larks was little enough for one dozen of -Capons. That is true, said the Gentleman; but I ordered the boy to -bespeak only a couple of Capons, and a dozen of Larks. You see said mine -Host, It is not my mistake, and I did nothing but was reasonable. I but, -said the Gentleman, it is unreasonable to think, that we two and the boy -can eat so much as you have provided for us; not so unreasonable -neither, as you think, Sir, replyed mine Host; for I’le lay a good -wager, that I’le produce one man, that can, and will eat up all the -Capons himself; how, said the Gentleman? I’le never believe that, and -I’le lay twenty shillings of it, and venture my Supper; done, said mine -Host; done, said the Gentleman; and so both their moneys were laid into -the other Gentlemans hand. Thus was this wager concluded of and mine -Host went to his Teeth and Gut-Champion, who attended the sport; he told -him the wager; to that he shook his head, and said it was a hard task; -but he would strive to serve him. Supper being ready, it was Ushered in -by mine Host, leading his Champion by the hand; who, after due reverance -to the Company, sits down; and the meat being placed on the board, the -wager was again recited; and it was further agreed, that the Champion -might have what drink he would call for; and thereupon he began to use -his teeth, and the rest of the Company their eyes, to behold the manner -how he made so quick a dispatch of his Victuals. I told you already how, -and in that manner he did eat; but now being to do much, he took more -time than ordinary; but in time, ten of the twelve were made invisible, -being put into our Gut-mongers _Christmas_ Cup-board, and the eleventh -was on his Trencher, and part of it sent down his belly, when mine Host -looked on him with a more than curious eye, and discovered somewhat of -discontent, which caused him to cry out, _Come Friend! bear up, and -here’s to you_; thank you, replyed the Eater; and taking the drink from -mine Host, he whispering him in the ear, said; You have lost, I can eat -no more. How, said the Gentleman, what sayes he? Nothing, said mine -Host, but that he is sure you have lost, for he can eat a dozen more: -How, replyed the Gentle-man, but by my faith he shall not, for i’le have -this my self for my Supper: and thereupon he seized on the twelfth -Capon, and laying it on his Trencher, cuts it in peices, and gives to -his Friend. Nay then, said mine Host, I see you agree the wager to be -mine: yes, replyed the Gentleman, I had better do so, than fill his -belly, and lose my own supper; and thereupon the money was given to mine -Host; who now, meerly by his quickness of wit in thinking, and -confidence in speaking so contrary to the Eaters saying, won the wager; -and, which was most, saving his own credit, and that of his Champion, -who clearly confessed, that the wager was in great danger to be lost. - -Thus did mine Host get as much as he lost by the former wager, and the -Gentleman was well pleased at the loss of his; and all parties being -contented, they went to bed, and next day parted. - -And now, continued Mrs. _Dorothy_, that my hand is in, I’le tell you one -Story more of the like nature, and so conclude with this eating -discourse. - -It was not long ere some Company came to the House, and in the Company -three Women, who were good girls, absolute _Bona Roba’s_, they had a -great desire to drink _Rhenish_ wine, and therefore asked if we had any? -Mine Host told them yes, he had a Runlet of eighteen Gallons newly come -in, and it was excellent good; the women said that would hardly serve -one sitting: no said one of the Gentle-men surely it will: they said no, -they would wager that they themselves could drink it off at one sitting. -The Gentleman told them that if they would, he would not only pay for -it, but also give unto each of them forty shillings, to buy a new -Petticoat; this they agreed to, nay, they said they would not rise from -their seats e’re it was done, provided they might have Anchoves, and -Neats-tongues, and such like victuals to intermix: this was agreed on, -and that they might the more conveniently do their business, they had -each of them an empty Butter-firkin with the head knock’d off, and so -taking up their Coates, they laid their bare bums on the firkins, thus -they sate, and thus they drank, sometimes eating and other whiles -talking, so that in four hours time, all the wine was drank off, and if -they had occasion to evacuate, they did that without trouble sitting as -they did on butter-firkins. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAP. X. - -_Mrs._ Dorothy _discourses of the several cheats of Drawers and - Tapsters, inventing bad drink and small measure. The Host carries two - men before the Justice, where he came off with the loss. He is - out-witted by two Guests, but is revenged on them by the boyes - assistance._ - - -These were the frolicks we daily had at our house, which were commonly -to the profit of mine Host; for whoever won or lost he went away with -the profit and gain; and indeed his gain was very great both in his -victuals and drink, for when wine was to be sold at eighteen pence the -quart, we had two shillings or half a crown, and that we might not come -within the compass of the law, to every bottle of Wine, a small plate of -Olives was carried up, neither was this enough to have the price, but -the Wine was generally mixt, and bad; and that the Guests might as well -be cheated in quantity as quality, it was commonly sold in bottles, -where we many times had two shillings or half a crown for a bottle of -Wine that would not hold above a pinte and a half; and for instance, I -will relate one little fine Cheat to that purpose: A Company of -Gentlemen come to our house and call’d for Wine, which they drank off -but liked not, wherefore they called the Drawer, and desiring another -bottle told him that there was two faults in the Wine they had drank, -the one that it was not so good as they expected, the other, that the -bottle was not full measure; they therefore desired him to mend both the -quality and quantity in the next, since they intended him, and always -gave the best price, half a crown a bottle, he promised an amendment as -to both, and so went down, and indeed was as good as his word, drawing -the best wine in the Cellar, and that in a Bottle of the largest size; -they thanked him and for his encouragement to continue honest to them -they gave him a shilling, he pocketed the money and left them, they -drank on and finding their wine good, called for more, which they had: -But mark the falsness and ingratitude of this rascally Drawer, he in -short time first changed their wine, and gave them worse, and not -contented with that likewise cheated them of their measure, he carried a -bottle of wine and filled a glass out of it, when one of the Gentlemen -who was not yet so dim sighted but he could see somewhat of the intended -cheat, cry’d hold Drawer, let me see that Glass and Bottle, and -thereupon poured the wine into the bottle which was indifferent full but -looking on the bottle, and seeing it was very small, he said: surely -this Bottle does not hold a full quart, Oh Lord! Sir, said the Drawer, -do you think I would wrong you? I do not know; replyed the Gentleman, -but I much distrust it, you have no cause replyed the Drawer, for I am -sure that bottle is full measure, what will you wager of that said the -Gentleman? any thing you will, said the Drawer: But do you think I would -put any tricks upon Gentlemen I have so great respect for, no surely? -But said the Gentleman I must and will be satisfied, that you may -quickly be, replyed the Drawer, for I will fetch a new sealed quart pot -and measure it, this was agreed upon, and in short time up comes the -Drawer with a quart pot in his hand, being come to the Table he takes -the bottle and pours the wine out of that into the quart pot, which when -looked upon was full as it ought to be, now said one to the Gentleman -who complained, you have wronged the honest Drawer and must give him -satisfaction for the abuse, truly replyed he, I was very much mistaken, -and my mind still gives me that there is some cunning trick and cheat in -this contrivance, and that it is not as it appears to be; truly replyed -the Drawer, if you think I have done you any abuse you do me wrong, and -besides the great respect I have for you who are my Masters best -Customers, I know if I should attempt to wrong you, my Master would be -much troubled and would not keep a Servant in his House that should do -it; well for all this replyed the Gentleman, I pray let me see the -bottle and quart pot, the Drawer delivered him the quart pot freely, but -parted from the bottle with much unwillingness, but in fine the -Gentleman had them both when presently he takes the quart pot and out of -that filled the bottle, and then he found the Cheat, which was this; -there was more than half a pint of wine left in the quart pot, how now, -said the Gentleman who is wronged now, where lies the Cheat? The Drawer -seeing himself found out and fearing he should be beaten replyed, I do -not know, and so turn’d his back and left them; great was the admiration -of the whole company, of the management of this cheat, but much more at -the impudence of the Drawer; now they all perceived that the Drawer when -he went down into the Cellar to bring up a quart pot, brought wine in -it, and that above half a pint, the acting of the thing it self was not -so much as the manner, that this knavish Drawer should be so impudent as -to stand in it, and justifie it with language, when as if he had not -been too confident, and so soon as he had put the wine into a quart pot -had immediately gone away, he might have escaped undiscovered; but it -was his fortune so to be found out to the great admiration of the whole -company, who although they found themselves cheated, yet were hugely -pleased with the manner, and made it their discourse in all Taverns they -came into for a long time after; but I believe it was to as little -purpose with others, as with our folks, for when any such tricks or -cheats have been told in our house, our people would only give them the -hearing, and seem to be astonished with the discourse, but be never a -whit the better for it, but immediately upon the next opportunity do the -same thing or as bad, and this was their constant practice; they would -draw wine in glass bottles that were so thick at the bottom that when -they were empty they were as heavy as if they were half full, and also -batter’d pots that would not hold out measure, and sometimes would fill -a pot not above three quarters full, and when the Drawer brought it in, -he would presently fill out a glass, and stare them in the face as -Juglers do when they are about their _Hocus Pocus_, slight of hand -tricks, and so carry it off, and out of pretence to civility to fill the -first glasses they would do it, but their end was quite different, it -being only to deceive them and to hinder them from seeing the false -measure that is brought them, which cannot be discovered when a glass or -two is filled out. - -Mine Host was finely caught one day with a pot not being filled: Two Old -Country men coming to our house in a morning called for a quart of wine, -the Drawer believing they were to be choused, brought up a quart pot, -but it was little more than half full, he intended they should have it -raw, but it being a cold morning, they bad him rost it, that is put it -to the fire and burn it; he was now at a loss in not filling out the -first glass, but not knowing how to help it, he did set it down before -the fire, and I suppose, he intended to fill it up afterwards, but he -forgetting that, and the old men being busie in discourse forgot to look -to it, when on a sudden they look’d, and the pot was melted almost half -way down, which was as far as there was no wine in it; with that the -maid seeing it call’d out to them, what honest men do you melt your pot? -Not we, said they, it is the fire, but you are like to pay for it, -replyed the wench, that is when we do, said they, at this mine Host came -up, the maid tells how that these two old men had been telling their -_Canterbury_ tales so long that the pot was melted, then they must pay -for it said mine Host, for it was given to their charge; thereupon the -Drawer was call’d, who likewise averred that he gave them the pot with -the wine into their charge and custody, and that therefore they ought to -look after it, and since it was damaged to pay for it. They replyed, -they took no charge of it, neither did they touch it, but only ordered -him, to burn it well: mine Host said they should pay, and they said they -would not, whereupon he threatened them with a Justices Warrant; they -were somewhat unwilling to be troubled, and were content to pay for the -wine, and allow six pence more for mending the pot, mine Host replying -that would not do, for it could not be mended, and he must have a new -one; they seeing him so unreasonable, were content the Justice should -decide the Controversie; wherefore before the Justice they went, and -mine Host there made his Complaint that those two men had melted his -quart pot, and refused to pay for it. The Justice perceiving where the -matter lay, and that he told his tale wrong, desired the men to speak, -who in plain terms told him they took no charge of the pot, but onely -desired the Drawer to cause Wine to be burnt, that he had accordingly -set it down by the fire, and without their handling or touching it, the -pot was melted. So, said the Justice, and did neither of you drink of -the Wine? No, not one drop, replyed the old men, and yet we offered to -pay for the Wine, and give sixpence towards mending the pot. This is -more than you shall need to do, said the Justice, & then he thuss -proceeded to mine Host. - -Friend, with what confidence can you demand any money of these men that -had nothing of you? since you would not do them justice, I will; I do -hereby acquit them from paying any thing for Wine, because they never -had any; and for the melting the pot, how did they do it? It was not -they, but your servant who drew the Wine, who had he filled the pot full -of wine, the fire could not have melted it; for I very well understand -that the pot was melted no further than it was empty: And further, -continued the Justice, this shall not serve your turn, for I shall Fine -you for not filling your pot; Your Crime is very apparent and evident, -and so shall your punishment be, and I order you, as a Fine, to pay down -Twenty shillings for your misdemeanor, or else I shall make your -_Mittimus_, and send you to Prison. Thus was the Case altered, and the -Tale was now of another Hog; for mine Host who expected satisfaction, -was forced to give it, and that immediatly, or else go to Prison. - -This went against the hair, but Necessity hath no Law, and therefore -down he paid the money, and came home heartily vexed, not so much for -the money he had paid, as for the disgrace he received; for he was now -become the Town-talk: But however, since he could not help the disgrace, -he was forced to be contented with that; but for his loss, he soon -fetch’d it up either in false measures, Over-reckonings, or some such -practises as I have told you. And besides these extraordinary gains he -made by Drink, he had his ways to cheat in Victuals, he would reckon for -a Dish of anchoves that stood him in ten pence, or a shilling, two -shillings or half a Crown at the least; and carry them in a large Dish -an inch asunder from one another. _Whestphalia_ Ham of Bacon he would -cut so thin, and make such a large show of a little meat, that he would -reckon two shillings for that which stood him in two groats; nay, and -sometimes be paid six pence for fouling of Linnen to it. A Neats-tongue -of two shillings, he would reckon four shillings, or four shillings six -pence for it, nay though they were cheated of part of it, as I remember -he was caught in the manner about one. A Neat’s-tongue being call’d for, -and carried in to the Guests, but first (as the manner is) it was slit -down quite through the middle, and not barely so, but mine Hostess her -self had gelded it, and cut off from each side a fine large slice, which -she intended for some other Gentlemen in the House, to draw down -th’other Bottle of wine. This Neats-tongue being carried to the Guests, -one of them complained of the cutting it, saying, he had rather have had -it whole; for (said he) there is less loss in cutting it in slices -cross-ways than this. Why (said another) you may do so still, and -thereupon he took the Tongue and clapt it together again, but it would -not come close by above half an inch; and they discovered the place, -where it had been pared, to look wide like a mouth: they perceiving the -cheat, were resolv’d to try a little farther experiment, and therefore -called in for mine Host, who with a _Sit you merry Gentlemen_ came in: -Landlord (said one) I pray what do you reckon for this Neats-Tongue? Not -above four shillings, or four shillings sixpence, said he: I but that is -too much reply’d the man, this is but a little one, and I think not a -whole one. How! reply’d mine Host, not a whole one! that were a good -jest indeed; I say tis a whole one, and a large one too. I’le wager a -quart of Sack (said the Gentleman) that you are mistaken; Done, said -mine Host: whereupon the Neats-Tongue was clapt together, and mine Host -quickly saw that he had lost; he began to flounce and fluster, saying, -that some of the company had done it; but leaving the Room, and going to -his wife in the Kitchin, he soon found that he had lost indeed: the -company being good guests to the house he was unwilling to displease -them; wherefore he drew a quart of wine, went in and acknowledged his -error, and paid for it, excusing the matter as well as he could, and -they took all in good part. Thus was he sometimes caught, and paid for -it; but not once in twenty times but he caught his guests, and made them -pay for it. They would not only cheat their guests, but their own -servants bellies; for except they had good trading, that the Servants -might feed on the reversione of their guests dinners, they were like to -go without, or at least have a poor one: she was very niggardly, and -when they had salt fish, which was commonly once a week, she would allow -them neither Oyl nor Butter, but only Mustard, but she was broken of -that custom in this manner; after they had one day din’d with fish, -drest as I tell you, down stairs went one servant, then another, and so -one after another they all dropt away and went into the Cellar; where -when they were come, the Drawer said, now to our old Custom, that is, -since we have had no oyl nor butter, to our fish, we will soak it in -sack, my friends, and that of the best, every one his half pint, and so -away to our business: mine Host having some business with some of the -servants, and finding them all missing, went to the Cellar door, and -there he not only heard this proposition made by the Drawer, but saw it -also confirmed and executed; whereupon he went to his wife, and -commanded her for the future to allow his servants not onely oyl with -their mustard to their salt fish, but butter and eggs too if they would -have it, and so they had for the future. I have known mine Host sell and -take money for one Joynt of meat twice, in this manner: when a Feast -hath been above stairs, Joynts of Meat, and Fowles that have hardly been -touched, have been brought down and sold to guests below, as fresh -brought from the fire, at a very good rate: indeed no opportunity hath -been omitted, to gain money. There was a pretty passage hapned about a -couple of guests, that upon occasion lay there two or three nights -together; thus it was: two men came one night to lodge, and being not -well in health, it having been cold and rainy, they desired a good fire -in their Chamber, which they had without any supper, or any drink, but a -quart of burnt wine, and so they went to bed: the next day proving cold -and rainy and their business not being very urgent, they continued -there, and kept their Chamber, with little victuals, and as little -drink; but however they kept a good fire, and mine Host seeing they had -little else but fireing, was resolved he would get sufficiently by that, -and therefore the next morning when they call’d to know what was to pay, -he reckoned them ten shillings for fireing for two nights and one day: -this demand they thought was very unreasonable, but, they knew that they -could not help themselves, for he would have what he demanded; and -besides, to say truth, firing was very scarce and dear in that Country: -the two Travellers paid their shot, and intended to leave the house, but -the weather proved so cold and stormy, they could not; wherefore they -were forced to stay; but they resolved withall to be better Husbands of -their fireing than they had been, but could not tell how, till in the -end looking about the house they saw a great old fashion’d Bed-stead, -that lay useless in a Hole: they not telling for what use, asked my -Landlord the price of it, who not dreaming of their purpose, in few -words sold it to them for five shillings; when they had bought it, they -hired a fellow for one shilling to cut it in pieces fit for fireing; and -now being furnished with fewel, they resolved to keep a good fire which -they did, and calling for mine Host, and a quart of wine, bad him -welcome to their good Husbandry; for the wood they had bought of the -bed-stead was as much agen as they had paid ten shillings for, wherefore -they made a good fire, and sung old rose in the gun-room. Mine Host -being thus beaten at his own weapons, and his own Goods by himself sold -to his loss, was somewhat netled, and discovered his anger to his -servants. Master (said the unhappy boy) if you please I’le be revenged -of them: do if you can (said the Master) not doing mischief. The boy -having a commission, was not long e’re he put it in execution; for -joyning another Servant in confederacy with him, they went that evening -to wait on the two guests, when among other matters they talked of -spirits and apparitions; quoth the boy, we are often troubled with them -here, and especially in this Chamber: I am sorry for that (said one of -our Travellers) for I am very fearful of any such things: and thus the -boy possed them with fear of that which he intended and executed; for -about midnight he and his confederate took a Calf out of the Cow-house, -and tying his four legs together, but so as he might not only stand, but -go a little; they put him into our Travellers chamber, and there waited -the event; it was not long e’re the Calf began to pace it about the -Room, making an unusual noise; and in this manner he continued stamping -till both our Travellers were awake, who hearing the noise, were -possessed with fear and astonishment, supposing it to be a spirit that -was told them of: thereupon they shrunk close into the bed for fear; the -noise continuing, and no harm or danger coming to them, at length one of -them consented to rise and light a candle to see what was the matter; a -candle was found, and some remains of fire being still in the chimney, -thither he went: and stooping down fell a blowing with his mouth to -light the candle, the Calf seeing a light, went thitherwards, and -espying somewhat that was pendulous between the Travellers Legs, and -taking it to be his Mother Cows Teat, thrust his chaps thitherwards, and -seizing it in his mouth, fell full lustily to sucking, the Traveller -perceiving himself caught by the Members, and not knowing by what, and -being in fear of losing them, fell a roaring very loud, to the great -sorrow and grief of his bed-fellow, and as great joy of our unhappy Boy -and his Confederate. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAP. XI. - -_Six Country Blades steal a Goose and two Hens; by the contrivance of - two of them and the Host; the other four pay soundly for them, and - laugh at their Companions. A Traveller by a mistake lies with another - mans Wife. A noise of Fidlers are forced to pay for their sawciness._ - - -The poor Traveller, who was thus used by the Calf, still continued his -roaring out, and the Calf being hungry, did suck very hard, but to no -purpose, our young Crack-rope and his Companion still listening and -laughing: but in fine, the noise continuing, and they doubting that -there was more than sport, they entered the Chamber, where they saw the -Calf close to the Traveller, but could not tell what he did there; but -the Traveller still making a noise, they came near, and perceiving the -Calfs mistake; they thrust somewhat into his mouth, and thereby -disingaged him from the Travellers Bawble: He still lay on the Ground -whilst they carried the Calf out of the Chamber, soon returning with a -lighted Candle to see what was the matter: the Traveller was by that -time somewhat come to himself, and feeling that he had lost nothing, was -indifferently satisfied: they being now entered the Chamber, asked what -was the matter? and wherefore he made so much noise? he now looking -about the Chamber, and seeing nothing but People with a light, whom he -knew, could not well tell what answer to give, only he told them, that -the Devil, or some wicked Spirit had been there, and he had like to have -been mischiev’d by him, but that now he found himself well again: his -Fellow-Traveller likewise said that there had been some walking in the -Chamber, but what it was, and wherefore his Companion roared out, he -knew not: in fine, they who had done the mischief were thanked for their -readiness to come and assist them; and so with some perswations our -Traveller went to bed again, where he lay till the next morning, -although he slept not, so great was his fear of the foul Fiend; but so -soon as morning came they both arose, and though the weather still -continued cold and rainy, yet they could not be perswaded to stay any -longer in our Inn, but paying their reckoning left it, and half their -wood behind them; so that mine Host was now no looser by this bargain, -it being ready cleft to sell to the next cold Guest that should arrive -there. - -The last passage hapned in the Winter time, a little before _Christmas_, -which soon after coming, we had two or three notable Accidents that -befel in our Inn; the first was this: half a dozen of young Country -Blades had been abroad a Fowling, or a Fooling rather, and among other -purchase that they had, they coming near a Farm-house where there was -store of Poultry, at two shots which they made, they kill’d two Hens and -a Goose: this with the rest of their Game they brought to our house to -be dressed against the next day for dinner: they drank some bottles of -wine when they brought them, and being merry (said one) we will to -morrow drink a health to the owner of the Hens and Geese: well, that we -will (said another,) but I would not for forty shillings that he should -know of it, for if he did, I doubt he would make us pay sawce: and truly -I am yet somewhat fearful that we shall be discovered: so am I, said -another, and so a third; well, if we be found out we can pay for them, -and my share shall be ready. This was their discourse, and so for that -time they parted; but it was not long ere two of the Company returned, -and calling for a bottle of wine fell heartily a laughing; and (sayes -the one to the other) I am resolved it shall be so, and with the -assistance of mine Host we may carry the matter very closely; and -thereupon mine Host was call’d for: he being come, they told him that -they must have his assistance in a design, which he promised should not -be wanting, and thereupon one of them thus began: mine Host, we have -this day, as you know, been a Fowling, and part of what we brought in we -plunder’d for, or in plain English, stole; now some of our Company are -very conscious of their guilt and are not only penitent, but fearful; -now it is our design to increase their fear, and get some money out of -them to make us merry; and thus we have contrived it: to morrow when we -are towards the latter end of our dinner, I would have you to tell us, -that there is a Country fellow, who enquires for such persons as we are, -and likewise that he was here as this day to enquire of us, and that he -talks of a warrant that he hath against us about some Poultry his Master -lost, and that he suspected us to be guilty; and withal you may add, -that he is resolved to have the Law against us, and that you have had -much adoe to perswade him to be patient till we had din’d. Mine Host -having heard the instructions, was no Fool, but soon understood them, -and procur’d a Country Fellow to manage the business so well, that they -should be all startled, only (said he) you shall allow him half a Crown -for his labor, and the rest that he gets of you (for I know you intend a -Composition) shall be justly return’d you. Thus was this Affair agreed -on, and accordingly the next day managed: for the Guests also came at -the hour appointed, and merrily drank about till Dinner was brought in; -which being come they fell to eating, and the Goose being well nigh -eaten, a Glass of Wine was call’d for to drink a Health to the Owner, -and mine Host himself was then call’d for up to make one in the Frolick: -he being come, and seeing whereabouts Causes went, thought it now a fit -time to begin, and therefore he thus bespeaks the Company: Gentlemen, I -understand your Health, and shall willingly drink it, but if I be not -mistaken, you will have but little cause to be so merry on this -occasion: why? what’s the matter, says one? what’s the matter, said -another? I’le tell you presently, reply’d mine Host, but first let us -drink; whereupon up went his Glass, and down Gutter-lane went the Wine, -and mine Host being grave in his Countenance, and slow in his Speech, -they all, as amazed, star’d either on him or one another, wondring what -should be the meaning of mine Host’s Speech: At length he spake, and -acquainted them with the business, just as he and two of the Company had -agreed on; then having done, added farther, That he had endeavoured to -underfeel the Fellow that was below, but he found him very obstinate, -and doubted very much that he woad make no end but what the Law should: -How! (said one) is your fooling come to this! Oh Lord! (said another) we -have brought our Hogs to a fair Market: Well (said a third) but what -must we do in this case? Truly (said mine Host) if I may advise you, I -would have one of you go down to treat with the Fellow, and see what -composition you can draw him to: This was in the end thought to be the -best way, and thereupon one went down with mine Host; so soon as the -Country-man saw him (being well instructed in every thing) he cries out, -nay, I am sure I am in the right, for though the man hath changed his -Clothes, yet that won’t serve his turn: I know you well Sir, said he, by -your hair and beard: What do you know replyed the guest? why I know, -said the Country-man that you are one of the six that stole my Masters -two Hens and Goose; I saw you well enough when you did it, and know you -all well enough when I see you again; I follow’d you hither yesterday, & -see you hous’d, and able to swear before Mr. Justice that you are the -persons; and my Master is resolved to prosecute you, for he hath lost as -much Poultry this winter as is worth five pound, and now we have found -you you shall pay for all. How! (said the Guest) surely you do not mean -as you say; one body may be like another, and you may be mistaken; and -besides, if it were so, that we were the Parties, you mean yet a great -deal less than five Pound, which I hope will serve the turn for two hens -and a goose, which you say is all you lost. I (said the fellow) that is -all indeed that we lost yesterday, but I tell you five pound will not -pay for all my Master hath lost within this moneth, and my Master and I -both believe you had them all, or else you would not so readily have -found the way into our yard; and therefore I say, and so my Master -sayes, that you shall pay for them. Nay friend, (said mine Host) I pray -let me perswade you to be more reasonable in your demands; reason me no -reasons,(said the fellow) it was unreasonable for them to come and rob -my Master, and therefore I will not be reasonable; I am sure I shall -lose my share of Goose and other Poultry this _Christmas_, that I should -have had, had not we been robb’d. Nay but come, (said mine Host) let me -take up this matter: I say you shall not, (reply’d the Fellow) the -Justice shall know the matter, and no body else; but if they be your -friends, if you will make an end, and pay me the money, I’le be rul’d by -you. Whereupon mine Host took the Fellow by the Arm, and leading him -into a drinking room, said, come let you and I talk a little further of -this matter, and in the mean time, said he to the Guest, go you up to -your Friends and confer with them about it. How, said the fellow, you -mean to lead me out of the way while they get away from me. No, replyed -mine Host, I’le pass my word for their appearance. Nay, that matters not -much, quoth the fellow; for I have such a Warrant in my pocket, as will -fetch them again in the Devils name. Having thus said, he and mine Host -went to drink a pot of Ale together, and laugh a while; in the mean time -our Guest went up to his companions to relate how things were like to go -with the fellow, but he needed not tell them, for they being all -concern’d, had listned at the stairs head to what the Fellow had said, -and therefore knowing in what case they were, they all agreed to -contribute to the fellows satisfaction, but they thinking five pounds -were too much, grumbled at the demand, but was resolved to give that -rather than fail, and have further trouble. One of the two confederates -seeing how matters went, and though he was willing to put a trick upon -his companions, yet thought five pounds was too great a sum to get by -waggery, he therefore made a proposal that he would go down to the -fellow and mine Host and treat with them, and he would warrant to get -the business of for a great deal less: They were soon content with the -proposition, whereupon down he went, and after some time spent with mine -Host and the Country man, he returned, saying, Come, come Friends, draw -your moneys, for I have ended the Controversie, and I hope to your -content; we must be Noble-men, a Noble a piece, in all Forty shillings -is the sum agreed upon to compound this brabling Business, and herein we -are much engaged to mine Host for his civility, who hath much perswaded -the fellow, and indeed the fellow by his perswasions is brought to be so -civil, that I have promis’d him Half a Crown for himself. All the -Company were all well contented with this Composition, and thereupon -readily laid down their money, which one of our Confederates pretended -to carry down to the fellow, but he put it up in his own pocket, onely -giving him the Half Crown he had promised, and ordering half a dozen of -Beer more for managing the Affair so handsomly. And thus was this -Adventure ended, and in short time the Company separated, but the two -Confederates soon came back again, and shared stakes of the moneys, and -there they laughed at the easiness and credulity of their Companions, -and mine Host was as merry as they, and had as much cause, for if the -Proverb be true, _Let them laugh that win_, he was sure to win most, and -therefore might well laugh; for he made them pay sawcily for the Sawces -to their Goose, and in the confusion they were then in, it was no hard -matter to mis-reckon them several bottles of Wine, and the two -Confederates who onely managed this Affair to make sport and not for -gain, delivered all their profits, which was 26s. 8d. into mine Hosts -hands to be spent two or three days after, when they were to bring more -company to laugh at this Adventure, and I remember they then came, and -mine Host knowing they came easily by their moneys, was resolved to put -in for a share of it, and so he did, and had it; for they had but three -Dishes of Fish, but he again made them pay for their Sawce, reckoning -fourteen shillings for that and dressing it, although the Fish it self -did cost but half so much; these were his Tricks. - -But there was about that time such a trick plaid by a mistake, as I have -seldom heard of: Several Companies were in the house and lodged there, -and it being long nights, much of that tedious time was spent in Gaming, -and higgedly piggedly one with another, all Companies mixt in that -pastime; but it growing late, those that were weary and sleepy dropt -away to bed: Among the rest, one man who had a very handsome woman to -his Wife went to bed, and his Lodging was in a Chamber where there was -another Bed; the man being in Bed, laid his wearing Clothes, _viz._, -Doublet, Breeches and Cloak upon him, and putting out the candle went to -sleep; in short time after, another single man who was to lodge in the -Bed in the same Chamber went up, and walking about, a conceit came into -his head, that it was probable he might have a Shee-bedfellow, and in -order thereto he thus carried his on Design: He put off his own Clothes, -and laid them very orderly on the Bed where the man was asleep, first -taking off those of his Chamber-fellows, and when he had done, he very -fairly spread them on the Bed he was to lye in; having done this, he -went to bed and put out his Candle, expecting the event, which happened -to be so as he hoped and expected; for not long after up came the woman, -intending to go to bed to her Husband, undrest herself, and seeing and -well enough knowing her Husbands clothes, believing that to be a -sufficient sign of her Husbands being there, not looking on the face -which was purposely hid, she put out her Candle & went to Bed to the -wrong man, who although he pretended then to be asleep, yet he did her -right before morning; for she still supposing it was her husband, gave -him free liberty to do what he would. Her bed-fellow, though he had -taken much pains and was weary, yet towards morning considering that if -this matter were discovered, he might have sower Sauce to his sweet -Meat, studied and contrived how to come off as well as he had come on, -and therefore turning to his Bed-fellow and kissing her, &c. as a -Farewel, he pretended to rise and make water, went out of the Bed; he -soon found the way to his Chamber-fellows Beds side, and there took off -his clothes, dress’d himself and departed. The woman missing her -Bed-fellow, which she thought had been her Husband, much wondred what -was become of him, and lay and studied in great confusion, she knew not -what to do or say, and she began to distrust that she had a wrong -Bedfellow, especially when she consider’d with herself that her Husband -was not wont to be so kinde: when she was partly sensible of the -mistake, she could not tell how to think of a remedy; if she should -arise and go into the other Bed, she might chance to be mistaken again, -and therefore in this confusion she knew not what to do: whilest she was -in these thoughts a maid with a Candle appeared, who passing through the -Room gave her clear sight that her Husband was in the other Bed, she -therefore resolved now to rise, take her Clothes, and go to Bed to her -Husband; but he who had slept hard all night was now awaked with the -noise of the maid passing through the Chamber, and therefore he leaps -out of the Bed and felt for a Chamber-pot, at the length he found one, -having used it, and going to return to Bed where he had layen, his wife -then took the opportunity to call to him, saying, Sweet-heart, whither -go you? you mistake your Bed: No sure, said the man, where are you? -Here, she said; he hearing her voice soon found out where she was, but -could not presently be perswaded that he had layen there all night, you -shall see that by and by, replyed she, when you can see your clothes on -this Bed: if it be so, then you are in the right said he, and that he -agreed to soon after day light appeared and he seeing his clothes on the -Bed, was satisfied: and thus was his business done, and he not knew it, -and the woman in the morning enquiring for the man who had been her -Chamber-fellow, could not finde him; she was earnest in her inquiry -after him, and this raised some jealousie in me, but I was soon after -resolved of all by the man himself, who came again to our house and told -me. This was a fine Christmas Frolick, I will adde one more, and so have -done with them. - -The Fidlers of our Town haveing had good trading this _Christmas_ were -grown proud and surly, and had abused some Gentlemen, who told mine Host -of it; he who was good at inventing mischief, soon contrived a way to be -revenged of them, and in order thereunto, the next day a considerable -Dinner was bespoke, and the Fidlers were sent for to attend and play to -them, which they did all Dinner. The Gentlemen having dined, the Fidlers -had the Remains for their Dinner, and then again they fell a tuning -their instruments and played lustily, whilest the Guests drank of their -Cups as roundly; at length they fell to Dancing, and many Countrey -Dances they had, spending the day in all manner of Jovial and Sprightly -Recreations; the night being come, and therefore a fit time to put their -plot in execution, they again Danced several Rambling Dances, and anon -they all desired and agreed to Dance the Cushion-dance, which they did, -and in their humours rambled from one Room to another all over the -house, this musick pacing it afore them, and now one dropt away, and -anon another, till in the end all the Guests were gone, and none were -left but the Fidlers, who still plaid on expecting their Company. Mine -Host seeing it was now time came into them, and causing them to cease -their playing, asked where are the two guests? they reply’d they knew -not: no, said he, if you do not finde them, you are like to suffer; for -if you have played away my Guests, you shall pay their reckoning: he was -so peremptory in his demands, that it was to no purpose to contradict -it; and the reckoning amounting to three pounds, he made the five -Fidlers pay ten shillings a man, and told them he was a looser in -abaiting them ten shillings of his reckoning; they were forced and could -not help it, and therefore paid down their dust, and they who had not -money enough were fain to leave their Fidles, and go home without, and -end _Christmas_ to the Tune of _Lachrymæ_. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAP. XII - -_Mris._ Dorothy _discourses of mine Hosts misfortunes, As first how he - was cheated of a Silver Bowl. Secondly, of a thirty pound reckoning; - and Thirdly, was carried away Prisoner, and forced to pay Fifty pound - for his Ransom._ - - -Thus, continued Mris. _Dorothy_, was this revenge managed by mine Host -and the Guests who had the reckoning of thirty pound to pay, came the -next day and paid it, and then appointed to come the next week and spend -the fifty shillings mine Host had gotten from the Fidlers, which they -did accordingly; and thus said she, did we finish our _Christmas_: and -now I hope, friends, said she to me and Mris. _Mary_, that you will give -me leave to finish my discourse; not so long as you can think of any -more of these stories, replyed I, and so did M. _Mary_; and thereupon we -both joyned in our desires to entreat her to proceed. Well, replyed she, -if I must, then I will alter the Nature and Quality of my discourse, and -as I have told you of mine Hosts good fortune, and wayes to get money, -so I will acquaint you with some of his misfortunes, and how he lost -money; for Fortune was the same thing to him as she hath been to me, and -I think to all others; we all have our several turns and changes, -sometimes we are on the top, and anon on the bottom of Fortunes Wheel; -and as that is, so is the World, round and rouling, and still in motion, -and so are our Fortunes various: I replyed, I had full experience of -this truth, and could freely subscribe to it; but, continued I, good -honest _Doll_, let us be beholding to you so much as to prevent your -discourse, and relate all the other transactions that you can remember -befel during your stay in this pleasant place, for by what you have told -us, I must needs term it so. We, said she, since you will have it so, -i’le endeavour to satisfie you, and then she thus began. - -I have already told you of one of my Hosts misfortunes in the quart pot, -and how he was forced to pay twenty shillings instead of satisfaction -which he expected; it was not long before that, that he had a more -sensible loss, for one morning in comes a Countryman which calls for a -Flaggon of Beer, and desires a private Room, for, sayes he, I have -company a coming to me, and we have business. The Tapster accordingly -shews him a room, and brings a Flaggon of Beer, and with it a Silver Cup -worth three pound; the Countryman drank off his beer, and call’d for -another Flaggon, & withal for mine Host to bear him company: mine Host -seeing him alone, sate and talked with him about state affairs, till -they were both weary & mine host was ready to leave him: well, said the -Countryman, I see my Company will not come, and therefore I will not -stay no longer, neither did he; but having drank up his Beer, he call’d -to pay: A groat, quoth the Tapster; there ’tis, said the Countrey-man, -laying it down, and so he went out of the Room, the Tapster staide -behinde to bring away the Flaggon and Silver Cup, but though he found -the Flaggon, yet the Cup was not to be found, wherefore he hastily runs -out and cries, _Stop the man_. The Countrey-man was not in such haste, -but that he quickly stopt of himself; he was not quite out of the doors, -and therefore he soon returned to the Bar, where when he was come, he -said, Well, what is the matter? what would you have? The Cup, said the -Tapster that I brought to you; I left it in the Room, said the -Country-man: I cannot finde it, said the Tapster: and at this noise mine -Host appeared, who hearing what was the matter, said, I am sure the Cup -was there even now, for I drank in it; it is there still for me, said -the Countrey-man: Look then further, said mine Host; the Tapster did so, -but neither high nor low could he finde this Cup; well then, said mine -Host to the Countrey-man, if it be gone you must have it, or know of the -going of it, and therefore you shall pay for it: Not I, said the -Countrey-man, you see I have none of it: I have not been out of your -house, nor no body hath been with me, how then can I have it? you may -search me. Mine Host caused him to be searched, but there was no Cup to -be found, however mine Host was resolv’d not to lose his Cup so, and -therefore he sends for a Constable, and charges him with the -Countrey-man, and threatens him with the Justice; all this would not do, -and the Countrey-man told him, _That threatned Folks live long_, and if -he would go before a Justice, he was ready to go with him. Mine Host was -more and more perplexed, and seeing he could not have his cup, nor -nothing confess’d, before the Justice they went, when they came there -mine Host made his complaint, and told the story as truely it was, and -the Country-man made the same answer there, as he had done before to -mine Host; the Justice was perplexed, not knowing how to do justice, -here was a Cup lost, and the Country-man did not deny but he had it, but -gone it was, and although the Country-man was pursued he did not flie, -he had no body with him, and therefore it could not be conveighed away -by confederacy, and for his own part he had been, and was again -searched, but none found about him, and he in all respects pleaded -innocency: this, though considered and weighed in the ballance of -justice, he could not think that the Country-man had it, and therefore -to commit him would be injustice; he considered all he could, and -inclined to favour the Country-man, who was altogether a stranger, and -he believed innocent, especially when he considered what a kind of -Person mine Host his accuser was, of whose life and conversation he had -both known and heard enough, and cause him to believe that it might be -possible that all this might be a Trick of mine Hosts to cheat the -Country-man, and therefore he gave his judgement, that he did not -believe by the Evidence that was given, that the Country-man had the -Cup, and that he would not commit him unless mine Host would lay, and -swear point blank Felony to his charge, and of that he desired mine Host -to beware. Mine Host seeing which way it was like to go, said no more, -but that he left it to Mr. Justice, who being of this opinion I told you -of, discharged the country-man, and advised mine Host to let him hear no -more of these matters, & if he could not secure his plate, & know what -company he delivered it to, then to keep it up. Mine Host thanked the -Justice for his advice, and so departed, the Countrey-man going about -his business, and he returning home, being heartily vexed at his Loss, -and the carriage of the whole Affair, which was neither for his profit -nor credit; but he was forced to sit down with the Loss, being heartily -vexed to think how he should lose the Cup: he threw away some money in -going to a _Cunning-man_ to know what was become of it, but all they -could tell him was, that he would hear of it again, and so he did -shortly after; though it was to his further cost, and to little purpose. -He had some occasions at our Country-Town during the time of the -Assizes, and there seeing the prisoners brought to their Trials, among -others he espyed the Countrey-man whom he had charged with the Silver -Cup, by enquiring what was his crime? was told it was for picking a -Pocket: Nay then, said mine Host, I may chance to hear of my Bowl again, -and thereupon when the Tryal was over, and the Prisoners carried back to -the Goal, he went and enquired for the Countrey-man, to whose presence -he was soon brought; Oh Lord, master! said he, how do you? who thought -to have seen you here? nay said mine Host, who thought to have seen you -here? I believe you have not met with so good friends in this Countrey -as you did at our Town, of our Justice; but let that pass, come let us -drink together, whereupon a Flaggon of Beer was call’d for, and some -Tobacco, which they very lovingly drank off, and smoak’d together; which -done, said mine Host to the Countrey-man; I would gladly be resolved in -one point which (I question not) but you can do; I suppose you mean -(said the Countrey-man) about the old business, of the Silver Cup you -lost; yes truly said mine Host, & the losing of it doth not so much vex -me, as the manner how it was lost; & therefore, continued he if you will -do me the kindness, to give me satisfaction what became of it, I do -protest I will acquit you although you are directly guilty. No, this -will not do, replyed the Country-man, there is somewhat else in the -case: well then, said mine Host, if you will tell me, I will give you -ten shillings to drink. Ready money does very well in a Prison, said the -Country-man, and will prevail much; but how shall I be assured you will -not prosecute me, if I should chance to be concerned? for that, replyed -mine Host, I can give you no other Warrant but my Oath, which I will -inviolably keep: well then said the Country-man, down with the merry -Griggs, let me handle the money, and I’le be very true to you; and as -for your charging me with it, I fear you not. Mine host being big with -expectation to know how this cleanly conveyance was wrought, soon laid -down the ten shillings; and then the Country-man thus proceeded: I must -confess that I know which way your Cup went, but when you charged me -with it I had it not; neither was it out of the room, and I must tell -you this, that if you had sought narrowly, you might have found it, but -it was not there long after. We who live by our wits must work by policy -more then down right strength, and this cannot be done without -Confederates, and I had such in the management of this affair, for I -left the Cup fastned with soft wax under the middle of the board of the -Table where I drank, which place of the Table by reason it was covered -with a cloath, as you may remember it was, it could not well be seen; -and therefore you and your servants missed of it: you know that very -willingly I went with you to the Justices; and whilst we were gone those -Friends and Confederates of mine whom I had appointed, and knew the Room -and everything else, went into the house, and into the same Room, where -they found the silver Cup, and without the least suspition went fairly -off with it, and at a place appointed we met, and there acquainted one -another with our Adventures, and what purchases we had made, we equally -shared them between us. Mine Host at the hearing of this discourse was -mightily surprized, although fully satisfied; but yet, said he, I would -be resolved one question, which is this, how if we had found it where -you had put it whilst you were there? why truly replyed the cheat (for -now I may call him so) then you could have charged me with nothing, and -I would have put it off with a jest, and if that would not have done, -the most you could have done, had been only to have kicked and beaten -me, and those things we of our quality must venture: you know the old -Proverb, _Nothing venture, nothing have_, and _Faint heart never won -fair Lady_; and we have this other Proverb to encourage us, that -_Fortune helps the bold_; as it doth commonly those of our quality, and -she did me I thank her in that attempt. And there did this Varlet -descant upon his Actions, to the great satisfaction of mine Host, who -finding there was no more to be had of him, left him, and soon after the -Town; coming home, and giving us an account of this adventure; and this -was another of his misfortunes, which was soon after followed by another -worse than the last, and thus it was. A Company of pretending Gallants -one evening arrived at our house, and there was in their company a young -lad of about ten years of age, on whom they all waited, giving him -respect equal to a Person of Honor, and their Master; they were soon -furnished with Lodgings, the best in the house, where they bespake a -plentiful supper, which was provided, drest, and sent to them. Mine Host -enquiring what, and who the young Gentle-man was, whom he supposed was -their Master; they told him that he was the Son of a _French_ Marquess, -giving him a name to that purpose, and that his Father their Lord and -Master, would in few dayes be there; likewise that they being recomended -to this house by a Friend of his, who warranted them good usage, they -were come thither, and there they intended to stay till their Lord came. -Mine Host was highly pleased with this recital, and he questioned not -the truth of it, because the young Gentleman could not or would not -speak any thing but a little Gibberish _French_. These Guests staid -there a fortnight eating and drinking in most plentiful manner; and -every day some or all of them did ride out, leaving only one person to -wait on their Lord, and they came home very honestly at night. They had -now been fourteen dayes and lain at Wrack and Manger, they and their -Horses; and their Bill amounted to thirty pounds, which being a round -sum of money; he began to try if he could get any, and to that end spake -by the by to him that was chief person next to the young Lord, but he -was deaf of that ear, and told him that it would not be above two or -three dayes e’re he was sure their Lord himself would come, and then he -should not only be paid, but also rewarded for the care, and respects he -had shewed to his Son: Mine Host was satisfied with their reasons, and -so went about his business; and so did this Blade about his; for calling -a consultation of his Brethren, they resolved to be gone the next day, -and give mine Host the go by for his Reckoning, and therefore they so -ordered the matter, that that night whilst they were at supper, and mine -Host with them; in enters another man, a new face, and enquired if my -young Lord such a one, and his Attendants were there? yes said the -Hostler, who took his Horse, and then calling the Chamberlain, he was -conducted into the Room where the rest of his Acquaintance were, he -being entered the Room, made his obeysance to his young Master; and then -putting his hand into his Pocket pull’d out a Letter, which he presented -to him; and another who sate next him took from him, opened, and read, -telling mine Host that the Letter was from their Lord, who promised to -be there with them by the next day at noon; glad did they seem to be, -and so was mine Host, who thought now he was near the receiving of his -money: the company then told him that he must provide a plentiful -dinner, and that they would all ride forth in the morning to meet their -old Master, only they would leave their young Master behind to his care; -to this mine Host was content, and the next morning they arose early, -mounted their horses, and away they went, leaving their Lord in Bed. -Mine Host provided dinner according to the directions, and noon came, -but no Lord, or Attendants; at length dinner was forced to be taken up, -or spoiled, and then the young Lord was enquired for, who was still in -Bed, and could not rise, for they had taken his fine Clothes with them: -in fine, upon search, an old Country Suit was found, which now our young -Lord owned to be his, and could speak _English_, saying, they were gone -and carried away his fine cloaths. Mine Host hearing he could speak -_English_, asked him several questions, which the Boy answered readily -enough, and by that he understood that they took him up in those -Clothes, and other rare matters if he would go with them, be ruled by -them, and learn a few heard words; and so in conclusion mine Host found -to his cost, that they were a company of cheats, who came to do that to -him, he had done to others, and though his loss was great, yet he was -forced to sit down contented; as for the Boy he being absolutely -innocent, he was only turned out of the doors to seek his fortune. Thus, -said Mistress _Dorothy_ you see he had his bitter with the sweet, and to -his sweet meat he had sower sawce; and although his loss was -considerable enough, yet soon after he had another of worser -consequence, and thus it was: - -You must note, that it was now in the time of rebellion, and there was a -small garrison of Souldiers quartered in our Town of the Round-heads -Party, and about ten miles off there was another Garrison of Cavaliers. -Now one day there came to our Town two Gentlemen very well mounted and -armed, and they had a Pass from a round-headed Collonel our Neighbour, -and coming to our Town, and enquiring for the best Inn, they were -directed to our house, where they took up their Quarters; they pretended -themselves to be Persons of Quality, and therefore spent pretty -handsomely at the first, but in their stay there, which was about eight -dayes, they had run five pounds on the score; mine Host desiring his -money, they told him suddenly he should have it, moneys were coming to -them, but if he had not the patience to stay until their money came, -then (he knew) that they had two good Horses in his Stable, and he -should in lieu of his money have which he pleased, at such a rate as any -indifferent person should adjudg the best of them to be worth: mine Host -seeing them answer him so fair, was as kind as they, and told them that -he did believe them to be Gentlemen of quality, and that he scorned to -undervalue them so much as to dismount them, and as they came on -Horse-back to depart on foot, but that he had rather wait a while longer -for the Money, which they said they staid for: they kindly thanked him -for his courtesie, and promised him to requite it; and thereupon all -Persons rested well satisfied, but no money coming at the time they said -they expected, he again asked them for moneys; and indeed it was their -desire that he should do so, or else the design they had in hand, and -intended to carry on, could not be well executed; and therefore that -they might bring their project to execution, they again offered him one -of their horses; he had a great mind to one of them, having a Customer -ready that would give him a very good price, told them that since they -were so willing he was so too, and that they might possibly have their -Horse again when their money came: it is all as one for that, replyed -the Gentlemen, we had rather go without horses than you should be -dissatisfied, and therefore choose which of the two you will have: they -being both, said he good, I care not which of them, and to that end if -you please to morrow we will all three ride out of the Town a mile or -so, and then you may conclude which you like best, and as for the price -we will well enough agree upon that; to this mine host consented, and -the next day they all three mounted their horses, and away they rode, -but to the great sorrow of us all, for these Gentlemen who had lain thus -long in our house were Caveliers, and belonged to the adjoyning -Garrison, and when they had drawn mine host with them as far as they -could willingly perswade him, and that he offered to return, they then -drew, and with Sword in one hand, and Pistol in the other, they came up -to him and commanded him to stand, for he was their Prisoner, he asked -them for what? and would have disputed the case with them but it was to -no purpose; they were deaf to all perswations, and he living in a -Round-headed Garrison they concluded him to be one, and therefore he was -their lawful Prisonor, and as one they would guard him to their -quarters; so they said, and so they did, and taking his Sword from him, -they caused him to ride on apace, till they brought him to their -Quarters; before their Commander they conducted him, who adjudged him to -be a Prisoner, and the next day resolved on his Ransome, which he valued -at a hundred pounds: the one half he ordered the Gentlemen should have, -and the other to be devided among the indigent Souldiers? this was his -doom: and now my poor Host was delivered into Custody; he writ away to -his Wife to acquaint her with this doleful News, she could not raise so -much Money, and therefore he was like to continue; but in the end, by -the assistance of some Gentlemen who were Guests to the house and -Caveliers, she got one half of the Ransome to be abated, and so the -fifty pounds being sent, he was delivered up, and came home to chear his -Wife and Family. - -[Illustration] - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAP. XIII. - -_At the execution of a Felon several Cheaters meet, and seeing a - Countrey-man draw a Purse of money resolve to cheat him of it, which - they do first by a brass Chain, and afterwards by drawing him in to - bet at Gameing. They were again cheated by mine Host, and the - principal Cheat comically punished._ - - -Mistress _Dorothy_ here putting a stop to her discourse, we thereby -understood she had finished, wherefore I thus discoursed her: truly now -I find that to be true of your Host, which I have experimented in -myself, and that we must meet with many rubs & misfortunes, but these -were but trivial to him considering his great comings in, by his -extraordinary gain in trading: that’s true replyed M. _Dorothy_, but as -he had considerable gain, so he had many wayes to spend it, and many -spenders, his Wife and Children being all as expensive as might be, and -what was got over the Devils Back, was spent under the Devils belly: and -therefore though much money went through his hands in a year, yet it -went through, and little stuck there or staid with him, so that he was -seldome Master of any considerable sum of money; and therefore it went -hard to raise this sum of money, and some of his Plate was fain to march -off to produce it; but that being paid and he come home, we were all -well enough satisfied, and he told his wife this was most certainly the -fortune of War, but he questioned not but in short time he would fetch -it up again; as indeed he did in using those several ways I have told -you of; and now I hope (said she) I have told you enough to satisfie -your curiosity; truly, replyed I, you have taken a great deal of pains, -but if you have any more in your budget out with them, for what you have -hitherto related hath not only been pleasant but profitable, and very -full of variety. Well, (replyed she) since you will have it so, I will -proceed a little further, and recount some passages as considerable as -any you have hitherto heard. There was (continued she) not long before -this time a bloody murder committed, for an honest Country-man that -lived about six miles from us, one market day was driving his Team of -Horses and Cart loaden with Corn to our Town to sell, and being come -about half way, he was met by a lusty tatterdemallion rascal that was on -foot, travelling on the Road, he first asked the Countrey-man to give -him something, telling him he was a poor Traveller and had been robb’d: -quoth the Countrey-man, friend, I have nothing to give you, for I have -no money, being now going to Market with this Corn to make money of it; -the fellow seemed to rest contented with this answer, and thereupon -walked on with the Countrey-man; but they had not gone far but the Devil -entring into this fellow, perswaded him, here he might have a great -prize, and therefore still walked on, he at length seeing the Road clear -of Passengers, and a convenient place for him to put his purpose in -practice, with a lusty Cudgel he had in his hand, he struck the poor -Countrey-man over the Head, that down he fell a sprawling, and not -content therewith, drew him a little out of the road, and in most cruel -manner cut his throat; having this done, he seizes on the fore-horse of -the Team, and leads him also with the Team and Cart out of the road to a -convenient place, where he stops, and then drawing the body of the -murthered Countrey-man to a Ditch-side, he there made a hole, and having -strip’d him of all his clothes, buried him, and stripping himself of -those Rags he had on, he putting on the Countrey-mans cloathes, buried -his own with the Countrey-mans body; and having thus done, he lead the -Team into the Road again; this was done one winters morning early before -day; and so he had the conveniency to do all this without interruption, -and now with Whip in hand, and habited like a Country-man, he drives on -to our town to Market; he took up his standing at the usual place, and -had the good fortune not to be questioned of any body, but enquiring how -the rates of corn went, he accordingly sold his at a good price as any: -and he not only made money of his Corn, but hearing there was a horse -Fair that day at a Town but three miles off, and having dispatch’t -betimes he drove thither and soon had a Customer for both Horses and -Cart, and there he bought him a saddle horse to ride on, being thus -fitted to his purpose, he was not long e’re he met with a company of -Shirks and Cheats, who intending to chouse him, he was too crafty for -them, and enters himself into their society, and by degrees became a -Knight of the _Pad_, an obsolute High-way-man, but the Devil who had set -him to work, was not long e’re he paid him his Wages, for he was pursued -for a Robbery he had committed, and so narrowly followed that he was -forced to take the water, to cross a River, he leap’d in on Horseback, -but the Horse was soon drowned, and he narrowly escap’d to a little -Island in the River, where he was still in sight of his pursuers, they -getting a Boat came up to him, he being armed attempted to discharge a -Pistol, but by reason the powder was wet, it would not off whereupon -they coming nearer to him he drew his Sword, and though there were three -in the Boat he kept them from landing, and being resolved to sell his -life at a dear Rate, he kill’d one of them out-right, and wounded -another, but now another Boat with more help coming he was in danger to -be lost, wherefore putting his Sword in his mouth he again took the -water, and swam away, and they after him, but length seeing it was in -vain to resist he suffered himself to be taken, and bound, led away to -the Justice, and thence to Prison, where he believing he must dye, grew -some what penitent, and not onely confess’d the Fact he was then accused -for, but among other mischiefs he likewise acknowledged the Murther, and -Robbery I have told you off; and the Assizes being come, and he tryed, -and confessing, he was condemned to be hang’d in Chains at the place -where he committed the murther; this being not above a mile from our -Town, at the day of Execution it drew most of the people out of it to -see the end of this wicked wretch, who did somwhat penitently, but his -Penitence and Repentance did not work one jot upon others of his -quality, who were there present; but as commonly one Wedding-feast -begets another Wedding, so one Execution does usually produce another; -and they who are Spectators at one Execution, in short time come to be -executed themselves: whether there were any persons at this execution -that did soon after take his turn, I know not, but I am sure there were -present many Cheats, and Pick-pockets, and such sort of people, for our -Town was that day pretty well throng’d with them. Among other practises -that was used, this was one. - -Two or three Cheaters going together saw a Country-man who had a Purse -of money in his hand, they had observed him to draw it to pay for some -Gingerbread he bought on the way; wherefore they closed with him, and -endeavoured to nip his Bung, pick his Pocket, but could not, for he -knowing he was in a dangerous place, and among as dangerous Company, put -his Purse of money into his Breeches, which being close at the knees, -secured it from falling out, and besides he was very sly in having any -body come too near him. Our Practitioners in the Art of Thievery, seeing -this would not do, set their wits a working further; and having all -their tools about them in readiness, taking a convenient time and place, -one of them goes before and drops a Letter, another of his Companions -who had joyned himself to our Countrey-man, seeing it ly fairly for the -purpose, sayes to him, Look you what is here! but although the -Countrey-man did stoop to take up the Letter, yet the Cheat was too -nimble for him in that, and having it in his hand, said, Here is -somewhat else besides a Letter, I cry half, said the Country-man: well, -said the Cheat, indeed you stoop’d as well as I, but I have it; however -I’le be fair with you; but let us see what it is, & whether it is worth -the dividing; & thereupon he breaks open the letter, & there sees a fair -chain or neck-lace of Gold: Good Fortune (sayes the Cheater) if this be -right Gold: how shall we know that, said the Countrey man? let us see -what the Letter says, which being short and to the purpose spake thus: - -_Brother_ John, _I have here sent you back this necklace of gold you -sent me; not for any dislike I have to it, but my Wife is covetous and -would have a biggar, this comes not to above seven pounds, and she would -have one of ten pounds; therefore I pray get it changed for one of that -price, and send it by this bearer to your loving Brother_, N.B. - -Nay, then we have good luck (said the Cheater) but I hope, said he to -the Countrey-man, you will not expect a full share, for you know I found -it, and besides, if we should divide it, I know not how to break it in -pieces, but I doubt it would spoil it, therefore I had rather have my -share in money. Well, said the Countrey-man, I’le give you your share in -money, provided I may have a full share; that you shall, said the -Cheater, and therefore I must have of you three pounds ten shillings, -the price in all being as you see, seven pounds. I, but said the -Countreyman (thinking to be too cunning for the Cheat) it may be worth -seven pounds in money in all, fashion and all, but we must not value -that, but only the Gold, therefore I think three pounds in money is -better than half the Chain, and so much I’le give you if you will let me -have it: well content said the Cheat, but then you shall give me a pint -of wine over and above; to this the Countrey-man also agreed, and to our -town they came, and into our house, and there the Cheat had the three -pounds, and the Countrey-man the Chain, who believed he had that day -risen with his A--- upwards, because he had met with so good fortune. -They drank off their drink, and were going away, but the Cheat not -having yet done with him (intended to get the rest of the money from -him) offered him his pint of Wine, which the Countrey-man accepted of; -but before they had drank it off, in comes another of the same Tribe, -who asked whether such a man, naming one, were there? no, (said the -Bar-keeper,) our Cheater and Countrey-man sitting near the Cheat, asked -of the enquirer, did you not ask for such a man? Yes, said the enquirer, -why said our Cheater, I can tell you this news of him that it will not -be long e’re he comes hither, for I met him as I came in; and he -appointed me to come in here and stay for him: well, then I were best to -stay, said the Enquirer: but (continued he) we were best to take a -bigger Room, for we cannot stir our selves in this; agreed, said the -Cheater, so the reckoning was paid, and they agreed to take a larger -Room, leaving word at the Bar that if any enquiry were made for them, -there they should find them; they went into another Room, and our -Countrey-man having done his business would be going; no, said the -Cheater, I pray stay and keep us company, it shall not cost you nothing; -well, then said the Countrey-man, I am content to stay a little: they -being now entred into their Room, call’d for a quart of Wine, and drank -it off, what shall we do to spend time, said the last Cheater? for I am -weary of staying for this man, are you sure you are not mistaken? no, -said the other: one of them then pretends to walk a turn in the Room, -and coming to the window behind a Cushion he pretends to finde a pair of -Cards (which indeed he himself had laid there) look you here, said he to -the Countrey-man and th’other, I have found some tools, now we may go to -work, and spend our time, if you will play; not I, said the Country-man, -I’le never play; then I will, said the other Cheat, but not for money: -why then, said the other, for six pence, to be spent, and the Game Putt; -they being agreed, and my Countrey-man being made Overseer of the Game, -fell to playing, and the Countrey-mans first Acquaintance had the better -of it, winning twelve Games to the others four: come, said he, what -shall we do with all this drink? we will play two pence wet and four -pence dry; to this the other agreed, and so they play’d, and at this low -gaming the first Cheat had in short time won of the second ten shillings -in money; the second seemed to be angry, and therefore proposed to play -for all money, hoping to making himself whole again; nay, said the -other, I shall not refuse your proposition, because I have won your -money; and therefore to it they went, and the first Cheater had still -the same luck, and won ten shillings more; then the other would play for -twelve pence a Game, no, said the first Cheater, I am not willing to -exceed six pence a Game, I will not alter what I have begun, lest I -change luck, unless this honest Countrey-man will go my halves; I have -no mind to Gaming, reply’d the country-man; you need not play said the -other, I’le do that, and you see my luck is good, venture a Crown with -me, you know both our lucke have been, and I hope will continue good; -well, content, said the Countrey-man, and so they proceeded, still our -first Cheat had good fortune, and he, and the Countrey-man won ten -shillings a piece more of the other, which made them merry; and the -other was mad; he therefore told them he would win the Horse, or lose -the Saddle, and venture all now; and drawing out about thirty shillings; -said, come take it all, win it and wear it; and so they played; but they -had now drawn the Countrey-man in sufficiently, and he was flush; but it -lasted not long thus, e’re he was taken down a button-hole lower, for -the fortune changed, and all that he had won was lost, and forty -shillings more: He was now angry, but to no purpose, for he did not -discover their foul play, and he in hopes of his good fortune ventured, -and lost the other forty shillings; and then he said he would go halfes -no longer, for he thought he would be merry and wise, and if he could -not make a winning, he would be sure to make a saving Bargain, which he -reckoned he should do, because although he had lost four pounds in -money, & given the Cheat three pounds for his share of the Chain, that -yet he should make seven pounds of the Chain, and so be no Loser: they -seeing he would not play, left off, and he that had won the money was -content to give a Collation, which was called for, but our first Cheat -pretending much anger at his Loss, was resolved to venture more; and to -playing again he went, and in short time he recovered much of his -losses; this angred the Countrey-man that he had not joyned with him, -and in the end, seeing his good luck continued, and that he won, he -again went halfs, but then it was not long that they thrived, but the -Countrey-man was forced to draw his Purse, and in the end lose all his -money, which was near twenty pounds: He did not think his condition to -be so bad as it was, because he believed he had a Chain worth seven -pounds in his Pocket, and therefore he reckoned he had not lost all. By -this time several of the rest of the Gang (having been abroad, employed -on the same account, Couzening and Cheating of others) now flocked all -to our House, being the place appointed for their Rendezvouz, there they -acquainted one another of their several Gains and Prizes; and then they -fell a drinking, they drank about lustily for joy, and the Countrey-man -for anger; and mine Host was called up to make one in the Company; he -soon understood what kind of Guests he had, and how they had cheated the -poor Country-man; and therefore he was resolved to serve them in the -same kind; he therefore put forward the Affairs of drinking, and some -being hungry call’d for Victuals; he told them he would get them what -they pleas’d; and they being determined to take up their Quarters there, -for that night, a Supper was bespoke for all the Company, such as mine -Host in his discretion should think fit, he told them they should have -it, and accordingly went down to provide Supper, he soon returnes and -helps them to drink whilst Supper was dressing; by this time they were -all perfectly drunk, he then commands up supper, and they fall too with -a Shoulder of Mutton and two Capons, eat and drink hard, and call for -more, he tells them it is coming, but they now having sate still a while -were all fallen asleep, he makes use of this opportunity, and brings up -half a dozen empty foul Dishes, or at leastwise full of bones of several -fowls; as Pidgeons, Partridges, Phesants, and all the Remains of -Victuals that had been left in the house that day; and strews and places -some on their several Trenchers, and thus he leaves them. Some of them -sleeping, and sitting uneasily fell from their Chairs, and so awaked -themselves; and their companions being throughly awaked, they again fell -to eating and drinking; some turning over the bones that were brought, -said, How came these here, I do not remember that I eat any such -Victuals? Nor I, said another, whereupon mine Host was call’d, and the -question was asked him: why surely, Gentlemen, you forget your selves, -said he, you have slept fair; I believe you will forget the Coller of -Brawn you had too, that cost me six shillings out of my Pocket; how! -Brawn! said one, I, Brawn said mine Host, you had it, and are like to -pay for it; you’l remember nothing anon, this is a fine drunken bout -indeed; so it is, said one of the Company; sure we have been in a Dream; -but it matters not, mine Host, you must and shall be paid: Give us the -other dozen bottles, and bring a Bill, that we may pay our Reckoning. -This Order was presently obey’d, and a Bill brought, which in all came -to seven pounds; and I verily believe he misreckoned them for meat and -drink, the one half, and told them he used them very kindly; they were -bound to believe him, and therefore every man was call’d to pay their -shares; my Countrey-man shrunk behind, intending to escape, which one of -the Company seeing, call’d him forwards, and said Come, We must tell -Noses, and every man pay alike; the Countrey-man desired to be excus’d; -and said he had no money; which they knowing well enough, at length -agreed to acquit him. This done, they went to their several Lodgings to -bed, and it was time, for it was past midnight, they all slept better -than the Country-man, who could hardly sleep a wink for thinking of his -Misfortunes, and having such good luck in the morning, it should prove -so bad e’re night; But morning being come, he and they all arose, and -the Countrey-mans money being all spent, he knew it was to no purpose -for him to stay there; wherefore he resolved to go to the Goldsmith’s in -the Town, and sell, or pawn his Chain, that he might have some money to -carry him home: Being come to the Goldsmith’s he produced the Chain, -which although at the first sight he thought to be gold, yet upon trial -he found it otherwise, and that it was but brass guilt; he tells the -Countrey-man the same, who at this heavy News was like to break his -heart: The Goldsmith seeing the Countrey-man in such a melancholy dump, -enquires of him how he came by it? he soon acquainted him with the -manner, and every circumstance: the Goldsmith as soon understood the -Cheat, and advises him to go to the Justice, and get a Warrant for him -that had thus cheated him: and the Countrey-man telling him that he had -no money, nor friend, being a stranger; he himself went with him to the -Justice, who soon understanding the matter, granted his Warrant; and the -Goldsmith procured a Constable to go with him to our house, where the -first Cheater was apprehended, and carried before the Justice; who upon -examination explain’d the Case, and finding the fellow guilty, ordered -that he should be led to the whipping post, and there be whipped, and -then be sent on a horse back, with his face towards the horsetail, and -so led out of the Town; and withal, the Justice sent away the Constable -to our house, to apprehend and bring the rest of the gang before him; -but he came too late, for the Birds were flown, doubting some such -matter; so that only the first Cheater suffered the punishment -aforesaid; but I remember he was so impudent that when he came by our -house on horseback, with his face to the horse tail, Ah, ha! said one, -what is the meaning of this? nothing, said the Cheater, but that this -horse is given me, and I am resolved to ride this way to make good the -Proverb, _that I may not look a gift horse in the mouth_. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAP. XIV. - -_Two Shoemakers are cheated of a pair of Boots, and mine Host gets - another pair of them. Mine Host and one of the Shoemakers find out the - Cheater, who is apprehended, and sent to Prison but is released by the - Judge for an enterprize of his Companions, who acted wonderful Feats - by slight of hand._ - - -Thus was every one a gainer but the poor Countrey-man, who was forc’d to -march home by weeping Cross, only with a brass chain worth eighteen -pence, instead of above twenty pounds which he had brought out with him. -Mine Host gained indifferently well, but the Cheaters more, being fully -fraighted; but as they got it easily, so they spent it merrily; and then -went to work for more, though they devided the spoil equally between -them, yet none had the punishment but the Chain-Merchant, and I believe -he had as many lashes on the back as there was links on the chain; he -took his punishment very patiently, only when the blow came he would -shrink up his shoulders, which a stander by seeing, told him that did -him more harm than good; it is no matter for that, friend, said the -cheater, you may spare your instructions, for I shall not follow them, -and now I am to be whip’d I will do as I List, and when you come to the -same sport, and it is your turn to be whip’d, you may behave your self -then as you please, thus was he pleasantly roguish when he was in the -midst of his punishment, and when he was on horse-back he answered the -People as roguishly as I told you; but being come to the Towns end he -was dismounted, and sent packing. Thus were we rid of one Crew of -Cheats, but truly, if all the Cheats of the Town had been so served as -this was, mine Host must also have march’d off, who had he had his due, -did as justly deserve it; but it is the little sort of Knaves and Rogues -that are punished, the greater scaping Scot-free, as now mine Host did. -After this Trick we had another that was altogether as pleasant, and -before the finishing of it, there were some pleasant passages, and thus -it was. - -A Gentleman-Cheater comes to our house, and stays there a day; walks -about the Town to finde some purchase, but lost his labor, he seeing -there was no money to be had, was resolved to play at small Game rather -than stand out; and somewhat therefore he would do if it were but to -bear his charges; he had observed that there were but two Shoemakers in -the Town, one at the one end, and the other at the other end: he saw -they were well furnished with boots and he wanted a pair, he therefore -coming home to his quarters, sent our Boy to one of the Shoemakers to -desire him to come to our house, to bring a pair of boots to a -Gentleman; the Sho-maker in hopes of a good Customer returns with the -Boy, and brings two or three pair, our Gentleman trys them on, and at -last is pleas’d with one pair, only one of them was too little in the -instep, for that said the Shoemaker, it is a small fault, and I can -remedy it in an hours time, by putting it on the Last; our Gentleman -intending that so he should, asked, what price? eighteen shillings was -demanded, but fifteen was the price agreed upon; well, said the -Gentleman, carry back the boot that is so defective, and put it on the -Last, let it stay on it two hours at least, and then come and bring it, -and take your money; very good, said the Shoemaker, and so taking up the -remainder of the Boots he departed, not distrusting any thing, and not -thinking any man who had two legs could much advantage himself with one -single Boot. Our Gentleman being now Master of one Boot, was resolved to -have another, and therefore he again calls the Boy, and desires him to -go to the other Shoemaker, and wish him to come and bring a pair of -Boots: for, said he, the other Shoemaker you brought could not fit me; -the boy believed him, not thinking of the transaction, it being done -privately in his Chamber: The boy went, and brings the other Shoemaker -with him, who likewise brought two or three pairs of Boots; our -Gentleman likewise tries them, and chusing that pair that was likest to -the other he had, he likewise agreed with the Shoemaker upon price, but -made the same exceptions with this last, as he had done with the former, -advising him to put the Boot on the Last, for one hour and a half, and -at that time to come exactly and receive his money; away went the -Shoemaker with the rest of his Boots, leaving the odd one behind, and no -sooner was he gone but he draws on his new Boots, and calling for a -Reckoning, paid it, and his horse being bridled and sadled he mounted, -and away he rode. At the time appointed both the Shoemakers came, so -justly together that they met at the Gate with each of them a Boot under -his Arm; they both asked for our Gentleman, but hearing he was fled and -gone, they both look’d blank upon the matter; mine Host was present, and -understanding the story laughed heartily at it; they knew not whether -they should be angry or pleas’d, but being both Brothers of a Trade and -both served alike, they resolved to laugh too, though it were but with -one side of their mouths, and so they sate them down and drank together; -one Pot drew down an other, and being of the Gentle Craft they were both -good fellows, and at length a Bottle of wine they call’d for; mine Host -seeing them in a merry vain, said, Gentlemen, I’le make a proposition to -you, faith since the Gent. hath made a pair of two odd boots do you so -too and let these as the other two go together, and therefore fillip up -Cross or Pile who shall have both; I but said one, I am not willing to -hazard my Boot for nothing, therefore thus I propose it; let us have the -other Bottle of Wine, and then let us fillip Cross or Pile and take our -chance, and he that hath the fortune to have both the Boots shall pay -the Reckoning; agreed, said the other, and so they proceeded; and he -whose chance it was to have both the Boots, did not only agree to pay -the Reckoning, but also called for another Bottle of Wine. Mine Host -still kept them company, and helped them to laugh at the Frolick, and -now they were gotten into so merry a Vein, they resolv’d to club for the -other Bottle, which they likewise in short time drank off. Mine Host -having a Design upon them for the Boots, seeing them merry, said thus, -Gentlemen, I made one proposition to you, even now and you agreed upon -it; I have another to make, which I question not but you will assent to, -but in the first place, I pray tell me the just price of the Boots; -truly, replyed the Master of them, I was to have fifteen shillings of -the Gentleman for them, but they are really worth fourteen shillings, -well then, replyed mine Host, my Reckoning comes to six shillings; now -if you please I’le venture my Reckoning, which is near half of what your -Boots are worth against them, and fillip up Cross or Pile whether I -shall have the Boots for my Reckoning or nothing; we’l make no dry -bargain said the third person, we’l have some Wine to boot, or no Boots -shall be ventured; well, said mine Host, then I will add another bottle -of Wine to the Reckoning; and thus all Parties being agreed, Cross and -Pile being fillip’d up, mine Host had his Chance, and the Boots; and -thus he gained what the other lost, and neither of the Shoemakers could -laugh at one another for their loss was equal; and thus was this pair of -liquor’d Boots converted into liquor, and that drank up, and this was -the end of the adventure of the Boots for the present, but it was not -quite finished, for mine Host who again had some business at the -Assizes, went to the Country Town where it was kept, and there he met -with one of the Shoemakers his Neighbour; he had then the same Boots on -that he had in a manner gain’d by chance; and therefore remembring the -Jest, they went in to drink at the next Two-pot house; there they were -jesting and laughing at the passage of the Boots, when on a sudden mine -Host looking out of the Window call’d to the Shoemaker, look you here -quickly, and I think I can shew you your Boot-Merchant; the Shoemaker -look’d out and saw him, for it was he indeed, with the very Boots on his -Leggs; he was walking by, in company of others, who by their Garbs and -Mien did seem to be persons of Quality: The Shoemaker would have run out -presently and seized on him, but mine Host would not permit it, only -advising him to follow him, and see him hous’d; The Shoemaker followed -mine Host’s directions, and saw his Quarters, and upon enquiry found -that he was to continue there for some time; wherefore he returned to -mine Host, and acquainted him of his intelligence; they thereupon -advised together what most convenient to be done, and concluded that -mine Host should go into his company, and acquaint him that the -Shoemaker expected satisfaction for his Boots, and it may be he is a -Gentleman of Quality, and only did it in a Frollick, and will now pay -well enough for it; but, said mine Host, if I finde him to be otherwise, -we can soon have a Warrant to apprehend him, and have him punished; this -was reckoned to be sober, and the best advice, and accordingly it was -managed; for that evening mine Host seeing him walking alone in the Inn -Yard, went and spake to him, telling him if he were not mistaken he -thought he knew him; our Gentleman surveying of mine Host, reply’d, -certainly no, but however if he would go into a Room, he would gladly -drink with him; to this mine Host consented, they being come into a -Room, drank and smoak’d together; mine Host again asking him if he were -not long since at our Town? yes, said the Gentleman, and I pray you, -where did you lodge? at such an Inn, reply’d the Gentleman, and naming -ours; why then, reply’d mine Host, I am not mistaken, and if you please -to call to mind you may remember me to be the Master of the House; Oh! I -cry you mercy, reply’d the Gentleman, now I know you, I did partly -remember you, but could not call to mind where I had seen you; but I -pray what affair has brought you hither? no great matter, reply’d mine -Host, only a little curiosity; that’s well, said the Gentleman: but, -said mine Host, methinks your Boots and mine look as if they were -somewhat of kin together, I pray where did you buy them? Why? that may -well be, reply’d our Gentleman, for I bought them in your Town; but Sir, -I pray (be not angry) said mine Host, did you ever pay for them? Why do -you ask? said the Gentleman, because, said mine Host, if you did, then -you are slandered and abused, and what if I did not pay for them? said -the Gentleman; why then, said mine Host, you are best to do it, for the -men of whom you had them are both my Neighbours; well, well, said the -Gentleman, no more of this, for I paid for them as much as I will do: -mine Host seeing him so absolute, said no more to him of that matter, -but drank off their drink, and club’d for their Reckoning, which being -paid he again at parting said thus; Sir, it will be for your Credit to -pay for the Boots, I know all the story, and if you will not pay now, -one time or other you will be forc’d to it to your Cost, and Trouble; do -not you trouble your head with that, replied the Gentleman, let it alone -till that day comes; take your own course said mine Host; and you yours, -said the Gentleman, and so they parted. Mine Host having had this -huffing answer, made further enquiry what this person was, and found -that he was no better than a Cheat, and one that came thither for no -other purpose, he therefore tells his neighbour the Shoemaker of all -passages, and advises him to get a Warrant to apprehend him, and carry -him before the Judge; He who was forward enough before, now went -directly and made his Complaint to the Judge that evening, telling him -all the Circumstance of the matter; the Judge asked him if he had -enquired what quality he was of? he answered, yes, he was suspected to -be no better than a Pick-pocket, or Cut-purse: well then replied the -Judge, bring him hither to morrow morning before I go to the Court; our -Shoemaker did not fail in a tittle, but the next morning seized on him -in his Chamber, and carried him immediately before the Judge; when they -came there, the Shoemaker made his Complaint, and mine Host was there -present, not only to justifie it, but to produce the very fellows, which -indeed were easily enough to be known to be so, and so they managed -their evidence that the Gentleman-Cheat had little or nothing to say for -himself, and therefore he was committed to Prison. It happened at this -time that the Judge had a Kinsman with him who was somewhat wilde, and -only rid about the progress with him to see fashions, and he had one -scurvy humor, which was this; he had a good Estate, and was full of -mony; and therefore in a prodigal vapouring way, he would carry a Purse -with near a hundred pieces of Gold in it, in his pocket, and this he -would always carry about with him, and upon all occasions, though never -so trivial he would be drawing his Purse, and shewing his Gold, this was -his Custom; and the Judge his Unkle knowing it, had oft times chid him -for it, telling him that one time or other he would have his Pocket -pick’d and lose it; he would not take any warning, but still replied he -would warrant none could pick his pocket, so that his Unkle the Judge -did wish many times that he might lose it; and so be broken of that -foolish vainglorious humor. Our Cheat being now in Prison, his -Companions, who were all Workmen in the same Trade, were very much -troubled at his loss, because he would have done them much service, and -to be so taken up for so trivial a matter as a pair of Boots much vexed -them, and they knew there was no recovering him without the Judges -favour; they therefore resolved to put themselves in the best Equipage -they could, and go to him, accordingly that night they went, and told -him they were humble Petitioners to his Honour, for a poor friend of -theirs whom his Honour had commited about a pair of Boots, and they -hoped his Honour would release him; because they very well knew he was -wrongfully accused, being a Gentleman by birth, and of a very good -House, _&c._ To this the Judge gave ear, and told them that he very well -understood the quality of their friend; and theirs also, but, said he, -for once I shall pass by this business upon one Condition; to this they -reply’d, any Condition he pleased; he then being resolved what to do, -commanded all his Servants and Attendants out of the Room; and told them -he well understood their qualities, and had occasion to make use of them -in an Affair, telling them that he had such a one his Kinsman, who -carried a Purse of money in his Pocket, now, said he, I would have some -of you to follow him, and get it from him, and bring it to me untouch’d, -and then I promise not only to pardon you, but also to deliver your -friend to you: They hearing the Judges Proposition, star’d one upon -another, not knowing what answer to give, wherefore he again told them -that this he expected from them, or else their friend should suffer, -they thought fit to answer him with silence, and so departed; when they -were gone, they consulted together what was to be done, and believing -there would be no great difficulty nor harm in the doing it, resolv’d to -effect it accordingly: And therefore the next morning they waited at the -Judges Door, and seeing his Kinsman, they found means to perform their -Enterprize, and got the Purse of Gold without any considerable -difficulty, and forthwith pretending business to the Judge, they -delivered it to him; he nodded them an answer, advising them to come to -him in the evening; they did so, and he gave them a Discharge for their -friend; but that he might do equal justice, he commanded them to pay the -Shoemaker for the Boots, and gave them a piece of Gold to drink; they -very thankfully received it and did accordingly. The Judges Kinsman -being now come out of the Court had occasion for moneys, but seeking his -purse found he had lost it; this perplexed him to the heart; but -although the loss was considerable, yet the vexation that his unkle must -know it was more; he was exceeding melancholly and discontented; and his -Unkle enquired and sent for him, yet he would hardly come into his -presence: his Unkle knew well enough what disease he was sick of; but -however he asked him again and again what he ailed? and what was the -matter? he still answered him with silence, and turning away his head. -Supper time being come, they sate down together, but the young man would -not eat a bit; what will you eat? said his Unkle, nothing, said he: go -fetch me a dish of Partridges, said the Judge; it is a dish I know you -love: the meat was brought, but the young man could eat nothing: you -shall eat, said his Unkle before you rise, and I will have a dish shall -please you; and therefore, said he to the waiters, go bring up the Dish -I commanded should be last brought up; they thereupon went down, and -brought up a dish covered; come Cousin, said the Old man, eat some of -this; I cannot said the kinsman, you must and shall, said the Unkle, and -I pray uncover the dish and serve me some: the young man seeing his -Unkle so importunate, and believing because the dish was covered, that -it might be a dish of stew’d apples, resolv’d to uncover the dish, and -satisfie his Unkle by eating a little of that; wherefore at his Unkle’s -importunity he uncover’d the dish; when he beheld instead of stew’d -apples there was a better sort of fruit, it was his own Purse of Gold; -he no sooner saw it: how, said his Unkle, I told you I would please you -before you did rise from supper, and I think I have done so. The young -man smiling thanked him, and then reaching to the dish of Partridges, he -fell too lustily, and did eat as hearty a meal as ever; thus did the -recovery of his Purse of Gold recover his stomack, as indeed I think it -would do any others, it being to him and all others as good a Sawce as a -Cordial. And now although the young man was well enough pleased that he -had recovered his purse, yet he was vexed that his Unkle should thus -discover his folly, and studyed how he might be revenged on his Unkle; -he knew very well that his purse was taken from him by some cunning -cheat, and that by his Unkles consent; and it was not long e’re, upon -enquiry, he found out the manner, and also the People who did it; he -gave them therefore a piece to drink, and told them that he would give -them twenty pounds more, if they would do him one piece of service; they -seeing there was money coming, promised him to do any thing in their -powers; he then told them that it was indeed a high attempt, but he -would pay them as largely, and save them harmless; and this it was, he -would have them pick the Pocket of the Judge as he sate on the Bench: -they told him it was both difficult and dangerous; as for the -difficulty, said he, I’le make such means that one of you shall come -near him, and for the danger, I will take of his anger, and pay you as I -have said: to this they at length consented and the next day put in -execution; for when the Judge was most busie in examining Witnesses, he -that was the Artist that was to perform this, approaches the Bench: the -young Man sitting next the Judge his Unkle, beckons the Pick-pocket, and -he comes up, and under pretence of whispering the young man in the ear, -he pickt the Old Mans Pocket, and carryed off the Purse cleverly; when -he had so done he descended, and stood among the other Spectators. In -short time after the causes were heard, and one man who had laid long in -prison, only for his fees, petition’d the Judge to mitigate and lessen -them that he might be able to pay them, where’s the Jaylor? said the -Judge; here my Lord, said the Jaylor; what Fees do you demand of this -poor man? said the Judge; twenty shillings my Lord, if it please you, -and it is no more than your what Lorship order’d me at the lowest; then -said my Lord, you must have so much; I cannot help it; I must not make -Laws one day and break them another, I had rather pay the money out of -my own purse than do so. His Kinsman who sate next him, thought this was -a very good opportunity to speak, and therefore thus he said; May it -please honour; I had good Fortune yesterday as your Lordship knows, and -therefore am resolv’d to do some charitable Act, and I think this of -releasing this poor Prisoner who lies for his Fees, will be none of the -least: wherefore whereas your Honor motions paying all this poor mans -Fees, I make this offer, that if you please to pay one ten shillings, I -will pay the other, that the poor man may be discharged: a very good -motion, said the Judge. The young man soon found the way to his Purse, -and pull’d out an Angel; but the Judge although he searched both -Pockets, could find neither money nor Purse, he was therefore much -surprized not knowing what to say, nor think, but quickly recollecting -himself, thus he spake, I am sure, my friends, when I came in hither I -had a Purse of money in my pocket, but now I cannot finde it, he that -hath taken it from me while I was here sitting, was his Crafts-Master, -and very bold, but I question not but I shall find him, I have so good -skill in Physiognomy, that I know a Knave by his looks, therefore I -desire you all there below to look on me, every one did so, expecting -what the Judge would do, who by and by whispering to the Justice that -sate next him, at length arose, and said, look you Master Justice, if I -am not deceived, yonder fellow with the straw in his beard hath my -Purse; all the People stared one upon another, and the Cheat that had -the Purse being conscious of his guilt, doubting he was known to the -Judge, and that he had a straw in his beard, he lifting up his hand -stroaked it to wipe it away, supposing by that means to pass -undiscovered, but that discovered him; for the Judge who had a quick -eye, and expected that motion, saw, and observed it, thereupon pointed -to him, saying, that is he: it was now too late to fly, for the Jaylor -soon seized him, and upon search found the Purse in his Pocket. The -Purse was given to the Judge, who told out ten shillings to the Jaylor -for the Poor mans Fees, and ordered him to discharge him, and in his -Room to take away that bold Delinquent that had pick’d his Pocket; he -did so, neither did his kinsman contradict him in the open Court, but -when he came home he told him all the management, and desired a -discharge for the Prisoner; the Judge knowing that it was done but in -jest, granted his discharge, and the Kinsmen sent that, and the promised -twenty pounds, and Fees for discharge of the Prisoner. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAP. XV. - -_The Hostess’s Daughter being courted by an ignorant poetical Lover; he - brings a Soldier with him who becoming intimately acquainted with - Mistress_ Dorothy _relates to her; how he by pretending to be a - Cunning-man and raising a Spirit, had furnished himself, his Landlord - and Landlady with a plentiful Supper, which had been provided at the - Cost of another._ - - -Thus did these Cheats make the best of a bad market, for being at the -first obstructed in their designs by their Companions Imprisonment, they -were at a loss, and they got little money this bout but what the Judge -and his Kinsman gave them, and the people who were present at this bold -adventure of picking the Judges pocket on the Bench, were very curious -of their own, and for the future had some what more than ordinary to -talk of; but mine Host who knew more of the matter than ordinary, made -rare sport with this story at his return, and the Shoemaker who hath -receiv’d satisfaction for the loss of his Boot, having had money for the -other, by mine Hosts appointment sent for the other Shoemaker his fellow -Tradesman, and ordinary Charges being deducted, gave him the one half; -but mine Host so ordered the matter, that as they began, so they ended -in drink, and spent all they had received at our house, and thus ended -the adventure of the boots. Mistress _Dorothy_ now stopping, and we -thereby finding that she had concluded her discourse, we took the -liberty of laughing, and wondring at what she had told us, and therefore -desired her to give her self the trouble to relate some more adventures -to us, but she told us in plain terms that she had done, and that we -were to expect no more from her. I hearing her so peremptory in her -reply, told her that we had been very much engaged to her, for the -extraordinary pains she had taken in these several relations; but yet I -must need add this, that as yet she had not fully performed her promise, -for she had promis’d to give us an account of all the family, when as, -if I am not mistaken she had said little or nothing of two persons, whom -I supposed to be very considerable, and that was the Son and Daughter; -and therefore I made it my request to her, that she would recollect her -self, and relate to us somewhat of them, because indeed they were a -little active while they liv’d at home with their father and mother, but -after they went abroad in the world they were very remarkable, (and -continued she) since their leaving their father and mother, and my -leaving the house were at one and the same time, and one the same -occasion I shall now give you an account of it, and then she thus -proceeded. - -One young Man and Maid living in a house where so much roguery was -acted, must needs be well enough experienc’d to act their Parts, but -they were so warily looked after by their Mother, that it was almost -impossible to exercise their Talent at home, and the young man by reason -of the danger of the War, and least he should be taken Prisoner and -served as his Father was, was enforced to keep home and ramble but -little, but his Sister less, not being permitted to go any way out of -the Town. And although many Guests who came to our house saw her, and -liked her marvellously well, (for indeed she was handsom) and would have -made love to her, yet her Mother knowing the danger by her own -experience, watch’d her too narrowly to permit it, and was resolved to -use her best endeavor to preserve the Jewel of her daughters maiden-head -until she should be lawfully married. She being kept up so strictly had -few Suiters, only one in the Town, who was a Farmers Son had a moneths -mind to her, and having read the famous History of _Tom Thumb_, and from -thence proceeding to _Fortunatus_, and then to the most admirable -History of _Dorastus_ and _Fawnia_, was infected with Poetry and Love -both at once, and absolutely believing that all he read was really true, -did with himself to be as fortunate as _Fortunatus_ himself, and since -he could not meet with that blind Lady _Fortune_ to present him with -such a Purse, he did however resolve to be as absolute a lover as -_Dorastus_; and now nothing to that accomplishment being wanting but a -Mistriss who should be his _Fawnia_, he found out our Pretty Mistress -_Peggy_ my Hostess’s Daughter (Hers I may boldly call her, but mine -Host’s I dare not, the Case being doubtful, by what I have already -related to you) a Mistress being found for our Swain, he made some -addresses to her, and was permitted by the Mother to more freedom than -any, because the youth was not only indifferent handsome, but rich, and -mine Hostess was pretty free that they should strike up a match -together; I was still desired to keep Company with these Lovers, but I -had much ado to forbear laughing outright when I heard his Courtship, -all his language was Stuff stoln out of the books he had read; and when -he was answered by Mistress _Peggy_, or any question propounded by me to -him in any ordinary or different Dialect, he was as deaf as a -Bell-founder, and was not able to answer us; I being resolved to make -sport with him, told him that I thought he would do mainly well if he -would apply his fancy to writing of Poetry, and as an essay I advised -him to write a Letter to Mistress _Peggy_ in Verse, he thanked me for my -advice, and desir’d my friend-ship and said that he would go immediately -home and exercise himself in Poetry, and so he said, and so he did, for -behold the next morning Mistress _Peggy_ received a Letter from him, -which we both read and laugh’d at, for it was so foolishly forced, -conceited, and nonsensical that have I much ado to remember the words, -but having often repeated them, I shall now relate them to you. - - - Madam, - - _Ever till I saw thee my heart was still at rest, - Little did I think one Female could have pierc’t - Either Heart or Bowels, that on thee doth waste, - So sad all faint and feeble grow within my brest; - Alas, it is pity that sorrow to me should come, - For to tell you the truth as yet I am but very young, - And to express my self I want a better tongue; - But I can truly and sadly say that only you - Are she that hath brought me to grief and sorrow too - Brave Vertues that are in this lovely Damsel found - At the first sight gave my poor heart a desperate wound. - You have my sences very much decay’d - With love, that at one time they will be all dismai’d - Long of the tender love that to you I do bear, - Even now I will make and end my only Dear._ - - Your true Lover, - - _L. M._ - - -We all laughed heartily at this non-sensical stuff, and I told mistress -_Dorothy_ that sure she was mistaken in the recital of these verses, and -that they were to be said backwards, for that wayes that she repeated -them I discovered the humour of our Poetical Lover, and Mistress _Peggy_ -by my directions returned him this answer. - - - Amorous Friend, - -_Tis much you should receive two infections at once, the one Love, the -other Poetry, but it is not very strange since they commonly accompany -one another, but i’le assure you ’tis dangerous, for you know the old_ -Proverb, _that sad are the effects of_ Love and Pease Porridge; _and -besides Poetry is commonly attended with Poverty, but after a strict -perusal of your poetick Fancies, I find there is no great danger in your -poetick infection, for unless you improve your self mightily it will be -a long time e’re you be a compleat Poet, and since your Poetry and Love -came together, it will be as long e’re you be a compleat Lover; now if -you have still a mind to prosecute these two Designs, of Love and -Poetry, I advise you to make use of some other more fit and sublime -object that may raise your fancy to a higher pitch of eloquence, or at -least wise sense, as you have been in verse. I return this answer to you -in prose, and as you like this you may prosecute your Designs of Love -and Poetry, with some other Object, but I pray give no more trouble to_ - - Your Frind, - - _M. S._ - -This to the best of my remembrance was the answer to our Lovers poetical -Letter, and although what we writ might have been enough to have dashed -the designs of any other, yet our Lover came very confidently that -evening, and thanked his Mistress for receiving his Letter, and -answering it; telling her that he did acknowledge he had not as yet any -great Skill in Poetry, but he had written his best, and intended and -hoped in the next to mend it, and so he proceeded in his troublesome -Love-Suit. Our Cook-maid coming into the room where we were, and having -seen the Love Letter, it being made no secret, told us that she had a -Love Letter sent her not long since, which in her opinion was better -than that; and we believing that there must be somewhat in it worth the -seeing, commanded her to fetch it, and giving it into my hands, I read -these words. - - _Madam_, - -_I Hope the Brains of your Beauty being boyl’d in the Kettle of Kindness -with the Beef of Bounty, may at length prove a dish for my dyet, so that -the Marrowbone of your Maidenhead being crack’d with the Chopping-knife -of my Courage, may upon the Trencher of Truth declare how I love you; -let not the minc’d meat of Modesty baked in the Oven of Hatred in the -Crust of Coyness cause my Denial, lest the Dagger of Death being -drenched in the Barrel of my Blood may with the Spiggot draw forth the -Liquor of my Life._ - - Yours more than his own, - - _T. J._ - -This Letter pleas’d me more than the former, and I told her that her -Sweet-heart was ingenious and witty, for he had courted her in her own -language, and made use of such words she understood, and that in my -opinion it was far better to do so than to be altogether so poetical as -to make mocks of their Mistresses by comparing their fore-heads to -Alablaster, their eyes to Diamonds, their lips to Coral, and such kind -of fantastical similies, our Lover was of my opinion, and was so taken -with the Cook-maids Letter that he desired to copy it, and so he did; -and while he was thus employed, I remembred that I had a paper of verses -that would employ all his senses to understand, and it may be puzzle -him; and therefore fetch’d it, and he having copyed the other lines, I -shewed him these. - - _I saw a Peacock with a fiery Tail - I saw a Blazing star that dropt down Hail - I saw a Cloud begirt with Ivy round - I saw a Sturdy Oak creep on the ground - I saw a Pismire swallow up a Whale - I saw a brackish Sea brim full of Ale - I saw a Venice glass sixteen yards deep - I saw a Well full of mens tears that weep - I saw mens Eyes all on a flaming fire - I saw a House big as the Moon and higher - I saw the Sun all red even at midnight - I saw the man that saw this dreadful sight._ - -And most dreadful it was indeed, said our Lover, if it were true, but -however (continued he) the Verses are very good, and I pray let me have -a copy of them; which I permitted him to take; and he read them over, -and over again without understanding the Mystery, but the more he read, -the more he seemed to wonder at the strangeness of the several sights, -and said, sure this is impossible, not at all, said I, and if you will -lay ten shillings to be spent, I will make it out to you before you go, -that all that is there written is very true, and that I have seen it all -myself. I cannot believe it, replyed he, and I am content to lay the -wager, provided Mistress _Peggy_ may be the Judge. Content, said I, and -so the money was laid in her hands, and then I took up the paper and -began to read thus: _I saw a Peacock_, and there I made a stop, and -said, do you believe that? If you do not, I can shew you one in the -yard: Ay, but said he, the Verse is, _I saw a Peacock with a fiery -Tail_, and that is the wager: no, said I, you must stop when you have -red _I saw a Peacock_, and then go on, _with a fiery Tail I saw a -blazing Star_; and I am sure that I have seen that too, for blazing -Stars have all fiery Tails: that is true, replyed he, but I did not mean -to read it so: tis no matter how you meant, said I, but what I read is -true, and by vertue of that I suppose I shall win the wager, but however -I proceeded, and read; _That dropt down Hail I saw a Cloud; Begirt with -Ivy round I saw a a sturdy Oak; Creep on the ground I saw a Pismire, -Swallow up a Whale I saw a Brackish Sea; Brim full of Ale I saw a Venice -Glass_: And so I read on to the end of the Verses, still making a full -stop in the middle of the verse, where the sense required it; thus -making sense of the impossible nonsense: by this time our Lover saw he -was likely to lose his Wager, but however he cavelled at my thus reading -it, and said, I ought to stop only where the rhime ended; but all that -he said signified nothing, for his Mistress did me the justice to award -me the Wager, and accordingly gave me my money, and kept the other -twenty shillings to be spent; neither was the Poetical Lover much -displeased, for he had a very high esteem of the Lines he had, -protesting he would not part with them for forty shillings, and he -questioned not but he should win much money by Wagers he would lay about -them, and being thus satisfied he left us, promising the next night to -return, and then expecting a Colation for the ten shillings he had lost; -and so we were rid of our poetical Lover till the time appointed; which -being come, he likewise came and brought with him a young man, a Soldier -that belong’d to the Garrison in our Town; I knew the man by sight, for -he was very remarkable, it being the general report that he was a -Cunning-man and could tell fortunes, and our Lover brought him to give -his oppinion, whether he should have mistress _Peggy_ or not. We gave -him the ordinary welcome, he coming in company with our Lover we were -the more free with him, who demeaned himself so well that I had a more -than ordinary respect for him, and told him he should be welcome at any -other time; and so our Colation being ended, we for that time parted; -but in short time after he came again, and being as he said, much taken -with my company, desired to take all opportunities of waiting on me: I -seeing no harm in him, and finding that he was none of the pitifull sort -of fellows, but that he was handsom, witty, and above all things that he -wore money in his Pocket, permitted him frequently to visit me, and it -was not long e’re I grew into such familiarity with him, that I obliged -him to shew me so much of his Skill as to tell me my Fortune; he was -surprized at this proposition and made many Excuses, but I grew to that -height in my importunitie that I wearied him; at length he told me that -although all the Town had been mistaken in him yet I should not, and -that if I pleased he would undeceive me, and in short he told me that it -was a mistake to think that he was skillfull either in Astrology or -Magick, and although he had gained some moneys by pretending to be -knowing in that mystery, yet it was no such matter: I supposing that he -only said this to excuse himself, still importuned him in such manner, -that I brought him to this: that provided I would promise him secrecy, -he would discover his whole secrets to me, and thereby make it -absolutely appear that the Town was mistaken: I being desirous of -hearing Novelties, engaged to perform all he desired, and thereupon he -thus began. - - * * * * * - -Madam, in the discourse I shall make you, I shall be forced to discover -not only my own secrets, but also those of another, the most eminent of -this Town, and were it not to you, and onely to you, I should not do it -for any consideration whatsoever, for it is the secrets of a woman of -the best quality, and therefore you may be justly angry with me for so -doing, but my respects, & indeed my love to you is so great, that I -shall not stop at any obstacles to perform anything you require; & -withal I pray do not think, that since I am so easie to discover one -womans secrets, and that of such eminency and one to whom I am so much -obliged, that I should, or may at one time or another, serve you in the -like manner. No Madam (said he) assure your self of the contrary, for -although the woman I am to speak of be so eminent, indifferently -handsom, and one to whom I am so much obliged, yet my acquaintance with -her began after a strange manner, and it was a kind of necessity that -first induced her to permit me the freedom I enjoy with her; whereas on -the contrary, the respects I have for you are of another nature, for my -inclination and affection induce me to pay you all manner of service, -which I am confident will be very lasting. He having made this plausible -speech, thus proceeded. - -It is not many moneths since I was first acquainted with this place, you -know my quality is a Soldier of Fortune, and I may reasonably enough -term my self so, being of late some-what favoured by that blind and -inconstant Lady; our Commander in Chief thinking it convenient to draw -us out of the field where we had been all the last Summer, and place us -in Garrisons for the Winter season; it fell to my lot, among other of my -Comrades, to be ordered to be quartered in this Town, where when we -came, we had our several Billets delivered to us, and mine directed me -to the House of the wealthiest Mercer in your Town, where I still -Quarter, and who you know is a Person as eminent for Estate, as any in -the Town, I need not name him, you knowing where I Quarter: it so -fortuned, that the night I came thither first to Quarter, he was out of -the Town, as he had been for some dayes past and was to continue for two -or three more. It was somewhat late when I knock’d at the door, and -therefore the Maid-servant who heard me, ask’d me what I would have? I -answer’d that I was appointed in that House to take up my Quarters. The -Maid soon called her Mistress, and acquainted her with the matter; which -she knowing, thus answer’d me, that she was a young new-married woman, -that her Husband was absent, that she had onely one servant, and that -therefore she could not with any conveniency entertain any man in her -house. I could not be satisfied with this answer, but reply’d that I was -sorry I must be so troublesom, but withal that it was too late to seek -any other lodging; and that my Comrades were all in their Quarters, and -therefore I must unavoidably lye in the street if she did not entertain -me; wherefore I pray’d her to receive me into her house, and put me into -any place she pleas’d, and I promised that I would be as little -troublesome as possibly I could, and therefore I desired her not to deny -that fairly and by entreaty, which she knew I could command. The young -woman, although she was much troubled (believing that I might hinder a -design she had in hand) yet knowing withal that what I said was true, -and that I might command where I entreated, commanded her maid to open -the door, and shew me my lodging up in the Garret. When I was entred the -house, I told her that I was to lodge there, so I desir’d I might sup -with her, (not that I would command it, but that I would willingly pay -for what I had) because it was late, and I had not eaten any thing all -that day. She seemed angry at my proposal, telling me that I was -mistaken if I took her house for an Inn, and if I wanted a supper, want -I must, for I was like to have nothing there but my bare lodging, and -indeed bare I might call it, for it was a most pitiful one, however I -was forc’d to make use of it, and go supper-less to bed. Being thus -ready to dye for hunger, I had little mind to sleep, and therefore I -only tumbled and tossed without so much as closing mine eyes together. -After I had lain an hour in this manner, casting mine eyes about the -Chamber, I perceived some light which came through a Chink or Crevis in -the floor, and my curiosity inviting me to it, I leap’d out of the bed, -and laying my eye to the place, I might perceive under me a room very -well furnisht, wherein was a great Fire, two Spits, of roasted Fowls, -the Maid turning them, and the young Woman, the Mistress sitting in the -arms of a young Fellow a Lawyer, who to me appeared to be so by his -Gown. How! said I to myself, is this the Woman that in her Husbands -absence will not receive a man into her? Oh the unconstancy and -subtility of Women! this I thought, but however I believed it was not as -yet time to speak out; but being very hungry, I beheld the Spits with -some anger, and devoured the Fowls with my eyes; I had the patience to -see the Supper dress’d, though I was not to be a Guest; and though I -could not taste, yet I could smell the Victuals: I saw the Table spread, -the Bottles of Wine brought out, & the Victuals placed on the Table, but -just as they were going to sit down, one knock’d at the door; this -somewhat startled them, but their confusion was greater, when the Maid -asked who was at the door, understood it was her Master. They were all -frighted and confounded, not knowing where to put the man, or the -victuals, they had but little time to consider: There was but one little -Chamber adjoyning where the maid lay, and under her Bed at length they -laid him, and the Meat, Drink, and all the Appurtenances were placed in -a Closet in the Chamber: This being done, and the Woman sitting down by -the fire, the Master who was impatient with calling and knocking, was -let in, and coming up stairs, his Wife rises from her seat, and cryes -out, Oh dear Husband! Wellcome home, how glad am I to see you, -especially in coming sooner than I expected. That is true, said the good -man, I made haste and dispatched my Business, which being done, I took -Horse and made all possible speed to come home to you, and indeed, I -have rid full speed all this day; And very welcome you are, said she: -But how come you to have so great a fire? said the Husband: Oh Love, -said the Wife, I am troubled with the Belly-ake as passes, and I made -this fire to warm Trenchers and clothes, to put to my Belly to ease me; -and truely I think that this pain hath taken me with vexing at a -paultrey business that happened this night; for here came a Soldier and -said he must, and would quarter here, and it hath so angred and griev’d -me, to think that a man must lodge here in your absence, that I think -truly it hath brought my paine. I hearing this, thought it would be -convenient for me ere long to appear, and therefore put on my Clothes, -but still I gave attention to the end of their discourse, which was thus -continued: Said the Husband, well, let that pass; but I pray let me have -some Supper, for I have made such haste to day in travelling to come to -you, that I am almost dead with hunger, wherefore I pray give me some -Victuals. Victuals, replyed the woman, where do you think I should have -it? Do you think I make feasting in your absence? Alas, my maid and I -supp’d to night with each of us a Roasted Apple, I am sorry for that, -replyed the Husband, and am very loath if I could help it, to go to Bed -without a Supper, but what cannot be cured, must be endured. I hearing -this, and believing it to be very proper for my design, being already -dress’d, went down stairs, and knock’d at the door, which opened, I -entred, and saluting my Landlord, prayed him to excuse me for disturbing -his Wife, who had indeed refused to entertain me, till I had acquainted -her with my Orders, which, lest he should distrust any thing to the -contrary, I then pull’d out and shew’d him, and told him that I hoped -his Wife could not complain of any incivility I had offered her. No -truly, reply’d she. I having satisfi’d him in this, I told him that I -understood that he had not supped no more than I, and therefore if he -pleased I would give him and his Lady a Supper, for I had it in my power -to accommodate them very plentifully. How is that possible? reply’d my -Landlord, since it is so late, and nothing is to be had in the Town, and -besides that it will be too late to dress any thing. I bid him take no -care for that, but if he pleased he should be provided with victuals -ready dresed provided he and his wife would both promise me secresie; -they told me that they would do so, but he wondred, and she seemed to do -so too, at what I intended to do; whereupon I told them I had a -correspondency with Spirits, who would furnish me with what I desired, -and thereupon taking a piece of Chalk, and making a Circle I Placed -myself in it, made certain Figures about it, and taking a Staff in my -hand, waved it about my head, and then I uttered many words which were -onely conceited fustian stuff, which they understood not, nor I myself -neither, and then proceeding I named a Spirit, and told him that he must -quickly provide me a Supper for myself, my Landlord, and his Lady. I -seemed to listen, and then told them that my Spirit was obedient, and -nothing was wanting now but to know what they would have; I asked the -question, but they answered, What I pleased: Bring then, said I, a -Boyl’d Hen and Bacon, a Couple of Roasted Capons, a Dozen of Partridges, -two Dozen of Larks, a Pippin Tart, with Oranges and Lemmons, and Fruit -sufficient; Also bring us two Bottles of Canary and two of Claret; this -was the Victuals I had seen provided, and therefore this I call’d for; -and withal, said I, I charge thee not to appear in any horrible shape, -so as to frighten my Landlord or Landlady, but dispatch quickly and set -all down in the Closet of this Chamber. Having thus finisht my -Inclination and paused a little, now, said I, open the door and there -you shall see I am obeyed. The maid readily did as I commanded, and all -was there in ample manner ready dress’d, to the great astonishment of my -Landlord, but my Landlady, though she seem’d to be amazed, knew well -enough that she was discovered, but as yet could not disaprove of what I -had done. The meat being produced, the Table was spread and the -provision placed thereon, and now all things being in readiness, I -desired my Landlord and Landlady to take their places; at my request -they did so, but my Landlord was mighty unwilling to eat, until he see -me eat and commend the Victuals and Sauce, and I importuning him to -taste, he did so, and my Landlady by his example consented to accompany -us in the same employment: Having now done with one Dish, and my -Landlord finding that to be good, by my example fell to another, and -though he was somewhat cautious, yet he made a good Meal; I am sure I -did not spare, but fed like a Farmer, and my Landlady was not at all -behind hand, she well enough knowing, that though I told them it was -dress’d under ground, yet she could contradict me but she durst not; the -maid had her part too, and all were well enough content, except the poor -Lawyer, who was both hungry and fearful, lest as I had discovered the -meat, I would also discover the Caterer, but I minded no such matter, I -thought as I had begun well, so to end, and I would not be so -discourteous to him to make him fare ill, when by his means I had fared -so well. We not onely eat lustily, but drank off our Wine cheerily, -which was as good as ever tipp’d over Tongue, and for us three there was -enough; and now at last my Landlord did own that the Meat and Sauce, -Bread and Drink were all excellent good, and that if the Spirits could -command so good Fare, they were more harmless and better company than he -thought for: I told him my Spirit was still in his house, and expected -my further Commands, therefore I desired to know whether he would have -ought else e’re I discharged him? He told me, No: Then, replyed I, he -shall descend; but since he hath done us so good service, I will, if you -please, let you see him. Oh by no means Sir, said my Landlady, fearing I -would discover her greatest Secrets. Rest contented, replyed I, for I am -Master of more discretion that to disoblidge a Lady; assure your self it -shall be otherwise than you imagine: my Landlord too was very fearful, -but I assured him there should be no cause, and thereupon for the more -easie management of what I intended, I ordered the Servant-maid to open -the Street door, and all the other Doors of the House, that the Spirit -might have the more freedom to depart, otherwise I told them he would -raise a Tempest; and, continued I, he shall not appear in any horrid -form, but in the habit of one of your Neighbors; having told them this, -I thus began: Oh thou Spirit, who hast been unexpectedly disturbed, but -hast so plentifully catered for us, come forth for I now give thee leave -to go whither thou pleasest. The Lawyer who was but in the next room, -and who had heard all passages, was not so sottish as to neglect this -opportunity, but pulling his Hat over his face that he might go -undiscovered, came forth of the room where he had been hid, and with a -steady pace walked by us, going down stairs, and so leaving the house, -whilst my Landlady in a trembling manner sate and beheld what had -passed. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAP. XVI. - -_The Souldier is in danger to be caught by his Landlord in his - Landladies Chamber, but by her wit he escapeth. Mistris_ Dorothy - _relates that a parcel of Padders having rob’d a Knight of four - hundred pounds, two of them are taken, but the Knight will not swear - absolutely against them, because he might sue and get his Money of the - Hundred where he was rob’d. A Crew of Pick-pockets wanting money, two - of them pretend to be drunk and quarrel with the third, wherefore - these two are put into the stocks, and getting company, the third had - the opportunity of picking many Pockets._ - - -The Lawyer having thus pass’d by us to the amazement of my Landlord, he -then look’d on me with somewhat a distracted countenance, his wife -seeing that, and doubting that he had or would discover the matter; to -divert him from any questions or considerations, pretended to be so -mightily amaz’d & frighted, that she fell into a swoon, and then her -Husband, the maid, and I had enough to do to bring her again to her -self, neither could we do it so well, but that her Husband was forced to -help the maid to carry and put her into her bed, where for that night I -left them and went to my own, and now my belly being full it was not -long ere I fell asleep; awaking the next morning I began to consider -what had passed, and wondred at my self how I had the confidence to -manage an affair so difficult and dangerous, but when I considered what -I had done I resolved to proceed, and as I knew the secrets of my -Land-lady, to make some use of that knowledg, and out of her misfortunes -to make my self a fortune therefore I recommended my self, remembring -the old saying, _Audaces Fortuna juvat_, Fortune helps the bold, and -therefore I would try her favours, considering that she could do me no -injuries, I could not be much lower than I was, and I was in great -probability to rise higher by the prosecution of this Adventure. I did -not question but I should do well enough with my Landlady, for I had not -at all disobliged her in betraying her secrets, but rather mannaged them -as well as she could wish or desire, and therefore she could not take me -for a Clown or Fool, but rather think me worthy of her favour, and into -her favour I was resolved to get, or venture all; she was young, and as -you know indifferent handsome, her husband was old, and I believe -wanting in what most pleases a woman, and therefore she had permitted -the young Lawyer to supply that Defect, and considering that I might as -well as he pretend to her favor, for I was as young, and (if I am not -mistaken) as handsom; indeed he had this advantage, of having more money -than I, but I question’d not but she would well enough dispense with -that, she being out of possibility of wanting any, but rather able to -supply me; and I had this advantage above him, that I was in the house, -and likely for some time to continue there, and by that means I might -make use of all opportunities, and indeed it was not long ere I had one; -for I having spent good part of the morning in these congitations, I -could hear my Landlord rise and go out of the house, wherefore I also -arose and made my self ready, and indeed I spruced my self up in the -best manner I could; being now ready I went down stairs, and met with -the Maid-servant, who could not look on me without blushing, I gave her -the Good morrow, & asked her how her mistress did this morning she -replyed, something better than I left her last night. Truly replyed I, I -am sorry that she was so ill, but more especially to consider that I had -been the occasion of it, but I would study how to make her amends, & at -present I desired to make my excuses to her, if she would shew where she -was: she is not yet stirring, said the Maid; that matters not, said I, -and thereupon we went to her bed side; where when I was come, she seeing -me turned away her face: but Madam, to make short with my story, I spake -to her, and that in such manner, that she not only turned about, but -gave me thanks for the favors I had done, in managing her secrets with -so much discretion, and that she was, and should be eternally obliged to -me, and should study how to make me amends: I replyed, amends was -already made in the good opinion she had for me, desiring her to -continue in it, and I should endeavour to serve her in all things to my -power; and since it was her misfortune to be disturbed by her Husbands -unexpected return, and be disapointed in the enjoyment of her Friend, -that was a thing I could help, but however, if she pleased to accept of -me in his stead, I should give her the best satisfaction I could, she -seemed to be angry at this proposal, but I proceeding and telling her -that I was a Gentleman born and bred, and it may be in all things equal, -if not above her Friend; she was content to let me kiss her, and I -finding that I might without much difficulty proceed further, sent the -Maid out for a Mornings draught, and in her absence perswaded her to -accept of that from me which she should have had from her Friend the -Lawyer, had not her Husband disturbed them; and I then pleased her well, -that ever since she hath made no difficulty to let me enjoy her Person, -and be Master of that as well as I was of her secrets; and being thus -possessed of her person, I not only commanded that but her Purse, and -have led the pleasantest life in the World. This Adventure, Madam was -the occasion of my being accounted a Cunning-man, for my Landlord, -though I had enjoyned him secresie, yet he did not absolutely keep it, -but acquainted some of his familiar friends with my knowledg, so that I -was in short time pointed at as I passed along the street, and gazed at -with the eyes of wonder; nay some of the Neighborhood courted me very -earnestly to answer them several questions, and being often importuned, -did give them such answers as might probably come to pass, which falling -out accordingly I gain’d not only the reputation of a cunning man, but -my pockets were also indifferently well lyned with Half-crown pieces. -Thus had I a handsome enjoyment of money and pleasure; for I was free -with my Landlady, and very little suspected by her Husband; but I was -one time near being caught by him, and thus it was. He was not only well -stricken in years, but by an accident some years past, had lost one of -his eyes, or else he would have espyed us; for one day he being abroad, -and I being desirous to toy with my Landlady, we in order thereto entred -her Chamber and lay down on her bed, we had not long been there but we -heard a noise, and the maid-servant looking to see what was the matter, -came hastily in to us, and told us that her Master was coming up stairs; -she had hardly delivered this unpleasant message, but he was come up -stairs and was entring the Chamber, but he was not so quick, but his -wife and I were as nimble, and were got upon our feet, and she running -to the door caught hold of her Husband about the Neck and cryed out, _Oh -Lord Husband, how dearly welcome you are to me! especially at this time, -when I so longed to see you._ For what cause, said my Landlord? what is -the meaning of this language? Oh dear Husband, replyed she, I have been -asleep on the bed, where I had the pleasantest Dream that I have ever -had in all my life; nay, (continued she) it is more than a Dream, for it -is a Vision, and I hope a true one: well, what is it, said he? Why -truely Husband, said she, methoughts you and I were walking along -together in a pleasant Field, and we met with a man that begged an Alms -of you, which you very liberally gave him, and he being glad of your -liberality told you, that he would recompense it by restoring you the -sight of your other eye: Methoughts I was very joyfull at this -proposition, and desired him to do it, but you were doubtfull of his -performance, and therefore unwilling to let him meddle with you, but he -promising and assuring us that he would certainly cure you, I perswaded -you to permit him to wash your eye with a certain Water he had in a Viol -about him, which he had no sooner done, but methoughts you saw very well -with your blind eye, at the sight of which I was so over-joyed, that I -awaked, and you then came up stairs; and now Sweet-heart I am so -confident of the Truth of my Dream, that I desire to experiment the -same, and therefore I pray let me put my hand on your seeing Eye for a -tryal. My Landlady having done, her Husband replyed, Surely you have not -been asleep as you say, but talk idly for want of sleep, or else you -would never make so foolish a proposition. I know not, reply’d she, but -I must needs desire you to give me satisfaction in this particular, for -I long to try it. Well, said he, that you may see how much a fool you -are, I am content. She having liberty, clapt her hand on his seeing Eye, -and I who waited that opportunity needed no further instructions what to -do, but coming from behind the door where I had stood, with long strides -and easie, went out of the Chamber, and going down stairs left the -House: She seeing me gone, and thereby her business being done, asked -her Husband if he saw any thing? No, said he, but if you will remove -your hand I shall see a fool; she did so, and told him that she was -satisfied, but hoped it had been otherwise: And thus, continued the -Soldier, we escaped this brunt, as we did many others. And now Madam, -said he to me, I have been very free in relating to you the greatest -Secrets of my life, having so much confidence in your discretion, that I -shall run no hazard in your knowing it, but hope as I have been free -with you, so you will be so generous as to acquaint me with your quality -and condition, and permit me to serve you in all I can. To this request -I answer’d, That indeed I was not of that Countrey, but another, and -upon an urgent affair was some time since come from _London_, whither I -have a desire to return; so have I, said the Soldier, and if you please -to accept of my service, I shall gladly wait on you thither, for I have -so much respect from my Captain, that I question not but he will not -onely give me leave to go, but also give me a Pass to secure me thither. -I hearing him say so, told him that I would take such order in my -affairs, that I hoped in one months time to be ready to be gone, and -then I Should be glad of his Company. This was the discourse I held with -the Soldier, who was indeed very civil with me, spending his money -freely as often as he came into my company. I being resolved to leave -this place, took order to get into my hands what moneys I had, which I -had lent out to sufficient persons in the Town, which was in short time -paid me; but very strange Accidents happened in our house before my -departure, which made me hasten it, and which were thus: I have already -told you that our house had been a Receptacle for Cheats and -Pickpockets, who by degrees coming to be Thieves and High-way-men, they -still frequented it, and mine Host who seeing he gain’d moneys, cared -not much which ways he came by it, made no great scruple of Conscience -to entertain them, who indeed were very good Customers, and spent equal -to the best Guests we had, and he might do that with them he might not -with others, for they were bound to believe and pay all that he -reckoned, although never so unreasonable, so that he had an equal share, -if not more, of all the Prizes they made, some whereof were very -considerable; for a Knight of _Yorkshire_ having occasion to travel our -Road was set upon and rob’d by six of our Guests, he had onely Himself, -Wife and Daughter, Coachman, and one Horseman, this was his Company, but -the Prize was considerable, being four hundred pounds in money, besides -Watches, Rings, and other Jewels: Our Crew of Padders, although at first -they were severe enough in searching them, and stripping them of all -their Money and Jewels, yet dealt civily enough with them (if I may term -Thieves to be so) before they parted, for the Knight seeing it was in -vain to resist, and being too weak to do so, permitted them to take all -from him, but when they came to his Lady and had taken her little Money, -and proceeded to take her Rings from her Fingers, he was troubled, and -told them, that he hoped as they had found him civil to confess and -deliver all he had to them, and which he said was very considerable, so -he hoped they would not use any violence to his Wife and Daughter, in -taking their Rings from them which were inconsiderable, and might happen -to be prejudicial to them, in discovering of them to the Law. They, who -knew he said right, not onely desisted from proceeding against the -Ladies, but also gave him his Watch and Rings and all the odd Money they -had taken from him, contenting themselves only with the four hundred -pounds, and giving him an Oath that he, nor none of his company should -remove from that place for half an hours time, that they might have -leisure to escape; they left him. He was as good as his word and staid -out his time, and they with full speed rode to our Town, and at our -house took up their Quarters: They no sooner entred the house, but they -first deliver’d their Money to the custody of mine Host, and then called -for a Trunk wherein was their Clothes, for they had always Change of -Clothes lay there, so that in a quarter of an hours time these six -Blades of Fortune were so metamorphosed that they were not to be known; -he who when he came in had a black Perriwig and grey clothes, now had a -white Perriwig and black Clothes, and by that and pulling off Patches -and such like Disguisements, they were not to be known; for if a _Hue -and Cry_ coms out wherein is named the number of the Robbers, they -cannot distinguish or describe them otherwise than by their Clothes and -Horses; and as for their Habits they thus alter them, and their Horses -are presently either sent to Grass, or lock’d up in a private Stable, -and their Sadles and other Accoutrements are convey’d away and lock’d -up; and commonly if there be six or eight in a Robbery, not above the -one half, or three quarters of them go to one house, but divide -themselves into Companies untill the _Hue and Cry_ shall be over, and -then they meet and divide the Booty: This is their common practice when -a Robbery is done at any distance from _London_, but if it be done -within twenty miles of that place, then away they all flie thither, and -enter the City at several ends of the Town, and to several Quarters they -at present disperse themselves; this I say is their custom. I told -Mistress _Dorothy_ that I was very well acquainted with the Truth of -what she had said, and therefore desired her to proceed and acquaint me -how their Guests came off with their Prize; Very well, said she, for the -_Hue and Cry_ came not to our Town till the next day; and by that time -two of the six were gone, having taken their shares with them, and the -_Hue and Cry_ having passed about the Town it came to our house, where -the Officers failed in their Enquiry, for it nominated six, whereas our -Company was but four, and the Description of the Persons and their -Habits was so different from what our Guests had, that there was no -reason in the world to suspect them, and as for their Horses they were -not to be found, so that, I say, our Guests all escaped, and for joy -feasted and drank very highly, but in two days time their Joy was -lessen’d; for a trusty Messenger came to them and brought sad Newes from -the other two of their Companions, which was, that they were taken, -apprehended, and upon examination found so guilty, that they were sent -to Goal. Our Guests were very much surprized at the news, & upon -examination of the perticulars, thus they found it: The Knight who was -robb’d having staid in the place the time he promised, that being over, -he caused his Coachman to drive on to the next Town, where when he came, -he sent for the Town-Officers, and inform’d them of his Loss, and withal -told them that he must, and did expect satisfaction from them, and the -rest of the Inhabitants of that Hundred, because he was robb’d two hours -before Sun-set: They who heard him knew he said right, and that it must -be so, unless they produc’d all or some of the Felons, and had them -try’d and found guilty at Law, wherefore the Sum being considerable, and -the Case so evident and plain to be proved, they presently took an -account of the Knight of all particulars of the Robbers in the best -manner that he or his servants could direct, and having so done sent out -a _Hue and Cry_, directing and charging the Officers to use all possible -diligence in the discovery of these Fellons: but they miss’d of their -purpose for that day, but the next it was the misfortune of those two of -our Guests who had left our house to come thither, and being now again -upon the Pad, were accoutred in their Padding Habit; although they were -but two, and the number in the _Hue and Cry_ was six, yet their Habits -and Horses were so remarkable that they were soon suspected, and the -officers seized them quickly, hailing them before the Justice, whither -when they were come and examined, they could not answer so well, but -that they were shrewdly suspected; but to make the matter more clear, -the Knight and his servants who were still in the Town, were sent for, -and then it was not long ere the matter was but too plain for our two -Delinquents, especially when upon search of their Portmantua’s their -share of the Money was found, however they stoutly denied the Fact; but -notwithstanding all that could be said, they were sent to Prison. This -News alarmed our Guests, and made them bethink themselves of what should -be most necessary for their own preservation, and thereupon they thus -resolved, that two of the four should go near the place where the Knight -was, and observe his motions, and according to that act their matters as -should be convenient, and the other two resolved for the present to stay -at our house: but this Case which now at the beginning appeared to be -very bad and sad for their two Companions, in the end by the cunning -managment of the two Agents came off much better than was expected, and -indeed very well; for they understanding that the Knight was engaged by -the Justice to prosecute, and that the Countrey would see that he should -do so, whereby they might be discharged from payment of the money he was -robb’d off; This consideration being had, they resolved by some trusty -Messenger to send to the Knight, and therefore they drew up a Letter to -this purpose. - - -_That they were Gentlemen of a good Extraction, but the misfortunes of -times, and their own Necessities, had put them upon a Course of life far -different from their Inclinations; which, although it was not -justifiable by Law, yet they thought it not so unreasonable as the World -did, and they had plenty of Examples for their Practice, the whole -Nation being now engaged into Parties, who under fair and specious -pretence made it their business to Rob (which they termed_ Plunder _) -one another, especially the harmless Countrey, and that so often as they -should come in their way: This they said was the president by which they -walked, and by vertue of this Commission (which they believe as -Authentick as some of theirs who levyed great Forces,) they had taken up -Arms, and their good fortune, and this present mishap, had caused them -to meet, where, although he was dispossest of his Money, yet they were -confident he had no very ill opinion of them, in regard they had used -him and the Ladies in his company with all civility; this they hoped he -would not forget, and for that consideration he would deal as civilly -with their two Companions, who had the misfortune to fall under the -power of the Law. This they thought was reason enough for them to Expect -all favour at his hands, but there were also other reasons for him to do -it, and that which they thought would be the most prevalent, was, that -it was against his own interest to prosecute their Companions; for -should he at the approaching Assizes so absolutely charge them with the -Fact, as to bring them within the compass of the Law, and it may be take -their Lives from them, then he must expect no other satisfaction, but -lose his Money: whereas on the contrary if he and his servants spake -doubtfully in their Evidence against them, and they were not proved to -be guilty, then he might by Law recover his whole Money of the Country. -This they hoped would be a prevalent reason with him to order the matter -so as to let their Companions escape, which they prayed & hoped he would -do: but if (as they thought against all reason) he should rigorously -prosecute them, he was to remember that four of their Companions were -still left at liberty with swords in their hands, and his misfortune -might again bring him under their power, when he might not expect so -civil proceeding against him as he had the last time, but that they -might revenge their Companions, but they concluded they hoped he would -not give them that occassion._ And so they concluded. - -This Letter was carefully conveyed to the Knight, who having read and -consider’d the Contents, and finding their reasons to be good, and -withal considering that if he should by his Evidence cast these two men -for their Lives, he was not sure of his own so long as they had -companions, (who though at the first he found civil enough) who had -swords in their hands, and might be revengeful and bloody-minded enough -on that occasion; neither, as they had urged, would it be for his -interest, for he must then lose his Money, or the greatest part. These -reasons, I say, made him to manage the matter so as that upon Tryal they -should be acquitted, and therefore he sent to the Prison a Confident of -his, to tell them that he would do so, charging them to deny the Fact & -stand upon their justification; And thus the Assizes coming they were -indicted, but the Knight & his Servants (who were directed and -instructed by him) were all in one Tale, & said, that indeed he was -robb’d of four hundred pounds at such a place & time, by six men, two -whereof were in such habits, or like such as the prisoners at the Bar -had, but that he could not for all the world swear or say that they were -any of the persons. He saying no more than thus, and by his example his -Servants saying no more or less, & the Prisoners pleading Justification, -they were in the end acquitted, had their Money again deliver’d to them, -and the Knight now proceeding in his Suit against the Country, recover’d -his whole Moneys of them; and thus our two Prisoners with their two -Comrades who had attended the Tryall, came home to our house with great -joy. And thus did Thieves escape, and the honest Countrey was punish’d, -and this I have known is a trick that hath been used familiarly; so that -several Countreys have been almost undone with these kind of Robberies. - -Soon after this passage, there happened one as pleasant, thought not so -roguish, and thus it was: A Crew of Divers, Bung nippers, or Pick -pockets came to our house, and there being a Fair in the Town they -brought home very good Purchase, and spent their moneys very freely, but -their trade did not continue so good as it began, and they in expenses -were so profuse and prodigal, that they had out-run the Constable, spent -more than they were able to pay, and they were always us’d to pay their -Host well, and so they were resolv’d to do now, or set their Wits on the -Tenters; many Projects they had, and many Essays they made, some of them -going abroad by turns, and then returning and sending others, but our -Town was but thinly peopled, and they could not raise any considerable -Purchase, wherefore knowing that if they could get any number of people -together, they might then have the more convenient opportunity of -getting a Prize, they therefore thus laid their Plot; Three of them went -out, two whereof were to act the drunken mans part, and so they did very -Comically, for they reeling along the streets, tumbled down several -people who were in their way. The people believing them to be what they -appear’d, _viz._, drunk, let them pass on without much interruption; -their sober Companion seeing that no body else would take them up, he -therefore was resolv’d to do it, and thereupon meeting them as by -chance, they gave him the Justle, which he not taking so patiently as -the other had done, not onely worded it with them, but they proceeded to -blows, so that two being against one it was thought unequal, and they -having been abusive to others, a great company were assembled, and among -them the Constable, who seizing upon all three carried them before a -Justice, who hearing the matter, and finding by the testimony of the -people who went with them, that the two were wholly to blame, and -believing them to be as drunk as they seemed to be, he therefore ordered -that they should be set in the Stocks for two hours, and the third be -discharged. This his Order was obeyed, and they were conducted to the -Stocks, where they behav’d themselves so pleasantly in foolish discourse -to the people, that a very great number of people were about them; their -Companion who was at freedom seeing his conveniency, and being his -Arts-Master in the Mystery of Diving, fished money out of their pockets, -so that in two hours time that they were in the Stocks, he plyed his -work so well that he had gained near seven pounds; being thus fraighted, -he came to our house, and it was not long ere his Companions followed -him; when they finding so considerable a Purchase, paid my Landlord the -Reckoning and call’d for a new one, where they drank roundly, remembring -all those by whom they fared the better; and then having done the -business they came for, they paid their Shot and march’d off to the next -Town to see if they could fare any better than they had done at ours. -And these, continued Mistress _Dorothy_, were the Guests we now -entertained, _Padders_ and _Pick pockets_, who as they got their money -easily, so they spent it as lightly, to the great profit of mine Host, -for he gained at least fifty pounds of the four hundred, and still put -in for a share: but as the Pitcher goes not so often to the water, but -it comes home broken at last, so in short time not onely his Guests, but -he himself was caught and brought to condign punishment. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAP. XVII. - -_The Author relates a Story how he and six other Padders robb’d a - Carrier of six hundred pounds, and that one of the company in - consideration of an hundred pounds paid him by the Countrey where the - Robbery was committed, owned the Fact, and thereby saved the Countrey - (who were sued) from payment of the rest, and at length by their - assistance gained his pardon. Also how a young Pick-pocket is put on - by an old one, to cut an old womans Purse whilest she is at prayers in - a Church-yard by a Tomb-stone; the Boy performs the Exploit, but is - discover’d and shew’d by the old pick-pocket to the people, who coming - to stare on the Boy had their Pockets pickt by the old one and his - companions; And also how an old Padder being in danger to be hang’d - for a Robbery, a young one for fifty pounds took the Fact upon - himself, discharged the old one, and in the end came clearly off - himself._ - -I Finding by Mistress _Dorothy’s_ pausing that she was somewhat weary of -her large Discourse, and being desirous to know the conclusion of her -Adventures, desired her to refresh her self with a Cup of Wine which -stood by us, and then we all three, _viz._, Mistress _Mary_, Mistress -_Dorothy_, and my self, having drank off a quart of the best, I thus -bespake her; Truly Mistress _Dorothy_, you have taken much pains in -reciting these pleasant adventures that befel whil’st you liv’d in the -Inn, and you must needs have very great experience by what you have -related; for although I was well acquainted with knaveries and rogueries -enough whilest I lived in _England_, yet all our adventures are very -new, being such whose like I have seldom heard; and although I did -follow the _Padding_-Trade, especially at that time when I had the good -fortune at the first to meet with, and be acquainted with you, yet I -seldom knew, nor indeed ever heard of the like escape that your six -_Padders_ had; it was a neat and cleanly conveyance: but lest you should -be tyred with too long speaking, and that I might enable you the better -to give us a full and exact account of the rest of your adventures, I -will relate to you some of my former Adventures, and especially one, -which was somewhat like that of your six _Padders_, and thus it was. - -A stout gang of us who were _Knights of the Road_, were one time -assembled together at an Inn, from whence we understood a good round Sum -of money was to be carryed, and we only waited the departure and motions -of the Pack-horses, that we might put our project in execution, the Sum -was six hundred pounds, and we knew it was to be carried in a pack, but -which pack and which horse was to carry it, we were ignorant of, and -that we doubted would be a hindrance or at leastwise a trouble to our -design; for the Carrier having such a charge of money was resolv’d to -travel only by day light, and not in the night time, whereby if it -should happen he were robb’d, he might not bear the loss; and we knowing -this, and doubting that he would keep in as much company as he could, we -fear’d it would be troublesome and dangerous to rob him of that money, -unless we knew in what pack it was; for it would take up much time to -cut up and examine all the rest of the Packs, which were near twenty in -number; wherefore one of our Comrades made it his business to discover -that matter, but although he was watchful, yet the Carrier and Owners -were as shie, so that he could not possibly attain to his desires; -wherefore he was resolv’d to under-feel the Hostler, who upon a little -acquaintance and a Reward given him, and more promised if the project -should take, engaged to give him a certain Token how he should know the -Horse and Pack, and to that end directed him to wait the next morning -early when the Pack-horses went out: Our Companion did so, sitting in a -Drinking-room in the Yard where he could see all passages. The Horses -being loaded, went out one after another, and the Moneyed-horse in the -middle, when he came the Hostler lifted up his hand, and gave him a Clap -over the Buttock, saying, _Goe thy ways_ Dun, _for thou wilt never be -sold to thy worth_: This was _Item_ enough to our Companion to mark, and -know what he had to do; so that the Horses being all gone, and he having -dispatcht his drink, came up to us who attended him; And then he telling -us that he knew how to execute our Design, and that he had knowledge -enough, we rested contented, neither did we leave that Inn till noon, -although the Carrier went out in the morning early, and this we did that -we might not be suspected to have any design upon him, but soon after we -had din’d we all mounted and away we rode. It was not many hours before -we over-took the Carrier, or at least came near him, and then we sent -one of the company to scour the Road, and discover in what condition the -Carrier was in, and as occasion serv’d to come back to us and acquaint -us; one hour before night he came to us, who were not far off, and told -us, that then was the opportunity, for the Carrier had engag’d company -all the while before, but now the night coming on, and the Company being -to travel further than the Carrier, they had newly left him, and then he -was alone, onely with his man and two or three passengers; we being -eight in number, quickly made up to the Carrier, and one with Sword -drawn and Pistol cock’d seiz’d on him, another on his man, and the rest -of our Companions on the rest of the Passengers; he of our Companions -that knew the Horse and Pack onely went to him, singl’d him out, cut his -Girts, ripp’d up the Pack, and took forth the money, without medling -with any thing else; we the rest of his Companions in the mean time had -dismounted the Carrier, his man, and the Passengers, and having tyed -their hands, we left them to shift for themselves, and six of us taking -each of us a hundred pounds, and the other two riding one in the Van, -and the other in the Rere, away we march’d, but at that rate that in two -hours we were got thirty miles from the place where the robbery was -committed, and we had so cross’d the Country to prevent discovery, that -it was almost impossible to overtake or finde us. We took up our -Quarters at an Inn where we were very well acquainted, and for joy of -our purchase wanted for nothing that money could produce us, and there -we spent some time in all manner of delights, till being weary of the -place, and some of the Company having a desire to depart and separate, -we accordingly did so; and one of our Companions who had occasion to -ride that way where we committed this Robbery performed one of the -boldest exploits that I have ever heard of, and thus it was. - -He had an Uncle who kept an Inn in the Town near to the place where this -Robbery was done, to whose house he came & was welcom’d; he pretended he -was a Soldier, and was newly come from the Garrison at _Bristol_, and -with such kind of imaginary Stories he discours’d his Uncle, and telling -him the best news he could, and his Uncle likewise acquainted him with -the news of the Town, and as the chiefest told him that there had lately -been a great robbery done, for a Carrier was robb’d of six hundred -pound, and therefore it being done in the day time, that Town must pay -for it, and truely Cousin, said he, our Town hath been so mightily -pestred with Soldiers that we are very poor and not able and my share -comes to thirty pound of the money: but said our companion, can you not -meet with the thieves? no replyed his Uncle; we have offered a hundred -pound, to any that can discover them, but hitherto all hath been in -vain. This was the Hosts discourse with his Kinsman, who very well knew -he was one of the number; and a conceit came into his head, that it was -possible that as he had got almost a hundred pounds already by this -robbery, so he might get another whole hundred pounds; and therefore -being resolved what to do, he thus discovered himself to his Uncle: it -is now said he, three years since I left my Father, and ever since that -I have led a troublesome life, so that I am almost weary of it; and it -is not long since that for a misdemeanor I had done in our Garrison, I -was condemned to be hang’d, but I thank my stars I escaped it, and being -so near death and escaping, I soon after came acquainted with a cunning -man, who telling me my Fortune, told me that I had lately escaped a -danger, which I very well knew; and he withal added, that I should run -into many other dangers, and should escape them; and that he was certain -I was not born to be hang’d: and now therefore Uncle said he, I will -once again tempt my fate, and being assured that I shall not be hang’d, -I care not, if I may be ensured the hundred pounds you spake of, if I -take upon me and own the Robbery; and I think it will be no difficult -matter to do, for as I remember one of the Gentlemen Padders who did -that feat was habited and mounted just as I am. His Uncle having heard -his discourse, stared at him, and asked him if he were mad? no, replyed -he, but if you will warrant me the money I’le undertake the matter: his -Uncle seeing him thus resolved, began to consider a little more -seriously of the matter, and told his kinsman, that if he would do the -one, he would not only ensure him of the other, but also endeavour his -pardon, and thereupon he sent for some of the Neighbors whom he might -trust; and told them that there was a wild young man his kinsman, who -would save them five hundred pounds, and told them the manner how, they -were well enough satisfied with the proposition, and not only promised -him the money which was agreed on, should be presently put into any -friends hand, but also that they would undertake his pardon, or at -least-wise a reprieve that he might sue out his pardon; this being -agreed upon, they next proceeded in their discourse how this affair was -to be managed, and after several propositions made, it was concluded, -that as he came into the Town, so he should go out, and the next day he -should re-enter the Town when the Officers who should be then appointed -to search for suspitious persons should seize on him, and he should at -the first deny the fact, but upon examination should so vary and waver -in his discourse, that he should give just cause of suspition; they -having agreed on this, and several other particulars, and the money -being deposited in a young maidens hand, who was his Uncles Daughter; he -took horse and privately left the Town. The next day the Officers of the -Town being charged to keep strict watch, and search all suspitious -places; they did so, and as they had been a little way out of the town, -and were returning our Adventurer overtook them; who rides here says -one, sure that man is cloathed just as the Carrier described one of the -Padders were? he hearing them say this, made some stand, and offered to -turn his back, they therefore imagining that he might be suspected, -asked of him what he was? and came near to encompass him, he still -withdrawing drew his pistol and fired at them, they then staring on each -other, and seeing that none of their company was kill’d or wounded, were -encouraged to make up to him; and although he drew his sword yet they -being armed adventured upon him, and seizing on him, pull’d him from his -horse back, he then asked them, what was the matter, and what they would -have? they told him that he was a high-way man, and that they were very -certain of, or else why did he shoot at them, and were glad they had -caught him, he should pay for all the trouble he had put the Town to; -some railed at him in this manner, whilst others disarmed him and bound -his hands together, and then they led him away to the Town, where with -great noise they carried him before their Justice of the peace; he -strictly examined him and absolutely charged him with the former -Robbery, advising him to confess, and inform against his companions, and -then he told him he would endeavour to get him a pardon: our adventurer -gave him the hearing of all, but denyed all knowledge of the robbery, -but so faintly and with such faultering and uncertainties, that the -Justice committed him to prison. In few dayes after the Carrier came -that wayes, and he was conducted to the Thief, were after a light sight -and discourse with him, he and his servant remembred him, and the Owner -of the money was sent for who was also carried before the Justice; and -there he, the Carrier and his Servant were all bound to prosecute the -Felon, which was much in the vexation of the owner of the moneys, who -expected the next assizes to have a tryal against the Town, and to -recover his money of them, whereas now he saw he was like to lose that, -and only have an Endictment against the Felon, when as if he should find -him guilty, it would be a little satisfaction for such a sum of money as -he had lost. And as he expected, and as the plot was laid, so it fell -out; for the Assizes being come, an Endictment was brought in against -our Delinquent, and although he buss’ld to defend himself, yet he was -found guilty, and then he made an ingenious confession to the Judge of -the manner of the Robbery, only concealing as much as he thought -convenient, alleadging that indeed he was guilty, but it was his first -fact, but he was drawn in by chance being overtaken on the way by the -Robbers; he being coming to the Town to visit his Unkle, and therefore -he pray’d mercy of the court, the Judge told him that if he would -discover his companions somewhat might be done, but not else, he -replyed, that truly he was not in their company, above eight and forty -hours in all, and therefore knew not of their haunts, but if his honor -would spare his life he would if ever he met them, cause them to be -apprehended; to this the Judge made no Answer, so that our Adventurers -Uncle presented a Petition to the Judge in behalf of his Kins-man, and -the other Chief men of the Town pretending for his Unkles sake to do so -assisted him in it, and they drew the Petition so pitifully, that the -Judge at their importunity granted him reprieve for the present, leaving -him to sue out his pardon as fast as he could: and thus all Parties were -content except the owner of the moneys, who went away with a Flea in his -ear: and our Adventurer so plyed his business, wanting for neither money -nor friends, that in short time he gained his pardon, and he was set -free: and I will add this further of our companion, that after this he -turned honest man, for by virtue of the money he had gained in this -robbery, and what was given him, he first set up an Ale-house, and soon -after an Inn, and hath born all Offices in the Parish. And this story, -said I, Mistress _Dorothy_, somwhat resembles yours, for your Thieves -cheated the Country who paid the Knight what he had lost, and here on -the contrary, the Country outwitted the Party rob’d, and saved their -purses; and truly I have known several of these transactions, and -sometimes the guilty escape, and the innocent are punished. And now, -continued I, Mistress _Dorothy_: you see I am acquainted with these kind -of stories and as I have already related one of a Padder, which do -somwhat equal yours, I will now also tell you another of a Pick-pocket, -which shall be much like yours of that nature, and thus it was. - -A Crew of Blades of that Profession came to a Countrey-town on a market -day, and finding there was little good to be done without some occasion -to draw the People together more than ordinary, they therefore went to -an Ale-house to consult on what was necessary to be done, and there -after several debates held, it was concluded as follows, that whereas -they had lately taken up a boy of about ten years of age, who was very -desirous of learning their mystery, and whereas they had instructed him -sufficiently in the theory thereof, that it was now time to put him in -practice, and therefore the gravest man in the company was to walk out -with him, shew him what he was to do and help him if he stood in need -thereof, and the rest of the society were to be at hand to do as -occasion should offer; this being agreed upon, the old fellow took the -Boy by the hand, and leads him through the Market, but there was no -probabillity of a prize; and the Boy having promised to do much, the old -man sought out for some what that might be worthy his undertaking, and -so going out of the market they entred the Church-yard and there they -saw an old woman with a great pouch of mony by her side, kneeling by a -Tomb-stone and doing her devotions: Our old fellow seeing this, said to -the Boy, Sirrah, you see that old woman with the Pouch; yes Sir, replyes -the Boy, go thither said he, and bring away her Purse and money; the boy -was not at all daunted at the boldness of the undertaking, but went up -to the woman, and so soon as he came near her, he likewise fell on his -knees, and fell a mumbling as if he were also at his devotions; the old -woman seeing him so devout, permitted him to continue by her, but he -putting down one of his hands by virtue of a Knife and Horn-thimble cut -off her Purse: The old man stood not far off and saw his carriage which -was so cunningly contriv’d that he could not forbear laughing at it, but -bethinking him of a further Design, he was resolved to discover the Boy, -whereupon stopping some passengers that were going by, he said to them, -I pray friends behold yonder Boy how devout he is, do you not think he -will be a good one in time that is so religiously given already? yes -surely, said the people, Oh the cunningness of the young Rogue! said the -old fellow, and how much you are all mistaken for I have stood and seen -that young Rogue cut the old womans Purse, and thereupon he went to his -young practitioner in Roguery, and took him by the hand causing him to -arise, and bringing him to the people, shewed them the Purse he had thus -purchased; the old woman was not so intent at her devotions, but she -casting her eyes aside likewise saw a Purse in the Boys hand, missing -her own soon knew that to be it, wherefore she and all the people came -nearer the Boy, who stood still as a stock and said nothing to them, and -all the people, not only they that went by, but also at their report -most of the people in the market came thither to see this young Rogue, -admiring at the boldness of the fact, but they had been better to have -staid away and minded their own Affairs; for our old Rogue seeing his -opportunity, and that now there was a great many people together, he -fell a diving into their pockets, and got good Pillage, and his -Companions who were not far off at the noise came in to the sport, and -all laid about them so lustily that there were few who escaped without -their pockets being pick’d, onely the old woman had her purse again, but -in exchange of that our old Rogue and his Companions had twenty others -better fraught with moneys; in fine, they being weary with looking on -the boy, & the Pick-pockets thinking they had done sufficiently for that -time, the old fellow came to the boy, and told him that as he had first -of all discovered him, so he should go along with him; the boy who had -learned obedience to his Superiors, consented, and so they march’d off, -and went a little way out of the Town to an Ale-house, where they -divided the plunder of the field, which amounted to above twenty pounds. -And thus having told my Tale, I said to Mistress _Dorothy_ that I -thought this was somewhat like her discourse of the Pick-pockets. She -told me she must needs confess it, and that both my Tales exceeded hers, -and therefore she desired me to remitt her promise of proceeding any -further in her discourse; for, said she, I shall be able to acquaint you -with nothing but what you know already; as for that, said I, I must hear -the conclusion of your story, but since you seem to prove of what I have -told you, I shall proceed a little further, and relate a Story to you -somewhat like my first, and thus it was. - -A High-way-man who had used the Trade for a long time, was at length -catch’d, and the evidence was so clear against him that he was likely to -be cast, and then he was sure to go to pot, for he had been singed on -the Fist already, and the Judge who was to try him was very severe on -that account; wherefore he was very melancholly, and much perplexed, and -all the friends he had could not comfort him; however he was one day -drinking with some friends in the Jayl, and telling them the sadness of -his condition, and several ways were propounded for his safety; they -told him that it would be best to compound the fact with the Prosecutor; -I have offered that, said the Felon, and though I did not take above -twenty pounds from the party, yet I have offered him fifty pound for -composition if he will forbear prosecution; but he will not hear of any -thing but the Law, and will make no end but what that shall, and if it -comes to that, then I am certain sorrow will be my Sops; how, said one -that was present, will he not take fifty pounds for twenty? sure he -wants no money, for if he knew the want of it so much as I do, he would -not make so slight of fifty pounds; but I pray, continued he, what is -the reason he is so outragious against you? what is the cause of his -violent proceeding? Truly, reply’d the Thief, it was my misfortune to be -one of those two that met with him one night, and he having twenty -pounds and a Watch about him we eas’d him of them, my Companion escaped, -but I was seized the next night on suspition, and having besides my -share of the twenty pounds the watch about me which we had likewise -taken from him, it was as he said, a clear Testimony & evidence of the -Fact, he earnestly enquired for the ring which my companion had for his -share; & because I cannot help him to the ring he is thus obstinate, -well then, I see said the other, you have confess’d the fact, & -therefore there is no hope of saving you: truly replyed the Padder, I -never yet confessed it to any one that I think will do me any prejudice, -but much less to him; but instead of confessing I have always stoutly -denyed it, alleadging that I bought the Watch that Evening of one in -whose company I was; nay then, replyed the other, your case is not so -desperate as I thought it, and how say you now, continued he, are you -willing to be as good as your word, and give the fifty pounds you speak -of to be discharged of this matter? yes with all my heart, said the -Padder; well then said the other, if you will deposite the money into -another mans hands that I may be sure of it when you are discharged I -will undertake you shall be acquited; content, said the other, but I -pray acquaint me with the manner how you will manage this affair; our -Undertaker replyed, that he had considered of what was to be done, and -was resolved so he might be sure of the money, to venture his own neck -to save the others, and that he would take upon him the fact, and -thereby discharge him. The Padder was content to part with his money, -but withal he desired to have some cleer demonstration how he intended -to manage the business; to which our undertaker replyed, it must be your -care not to be tryed till the last day of the assizes, and then still -deny the fact very stoutly, continuing your allegation that you did buy -the Watch of a stranger, but one whom you knew if you again should see -him, and then I must borrow your Clothes, and the Perriwig you wore when -you committed the Fact, and then I purpose at that time not to be far -from you; and when I see a convenient time I wil appear, & the manner -shal be thus: I will attempt to pick a mans pocket, but I will do it so -unworkman like, that if he be not a very Dolt he shall discover me, I -being discovered must presently be brought before the Judge for the -Fact, and when you see me there you shall cry out as amazed and -surprized, that I am the very man of whom you bought the Watch, and you -shall then see that although I deny it a little at first, yet I will at -last confess my self guilty, and so you shall be discharged: This, said -our Undertaker is my proposition, and now if you can contrive it better, -do, and I will follow your directions. The Padder and all his friends -were hugely well satisfied & pleased with the Undertakers discourse, and -could not find any fault in any particular, wherefore their Agreement -was quickly perfected, and the fifty pounds were delivered into the -custody of one whom they both knew and entrusted, to be kept by him -until the Padder should be discharged. Several persons then present -asked of the Undertaker how he intended to come off himself? as for -that, replyed he, I have it in my head, and I will venture that, and -keep it safe enough too I hope: this business being thus agreed on they -at present parted, and the Undertaker had the Clothes and Perriwig of -the Padder delivered to him; and the Padder did put himself into a habit -quite different from that; Thus Affairs stood when the Assizes began, -which lasted two days, onely the first day was past, and our Padder had -by his endeavours kept himself from being called; the second day was -come and forenoon past, when in the after-noon this Cause was to be -heard; the Judges servant were some of them gone out of the Town to make -provision for their Master at another Town, whither he was that night to -follow, so that there was a necessity for his removal; & then about -three of the clock this prisoner was brought to the bar, his Indictment -was read, which was for robing the Countrey-man, of 20l. in money, and a -silver watch, and a gold Ring, to this the prisoner pleaded _not guilty_ -and so put himself upon his tryal, according to the ordinary form; then -was the Countryman called, who did alledge that the prisoner at the Bar -was the party, who with another his companion did rob him as aforesaid; -the prisoner denyed the fact, and desired the Judge to ask his accuser -what habit he was then in, to this the Countrey-man replyed, that indeed -his habit and hair were then different from what he now had, but that -was an easie thing to alter, but he was sure he was the man, for he had -his very watch in his pocket, to this the prisoner replyed as formerly, -that he bought it of a person who indeed was habited as the Country-man -had described. He was come to this part of his tryal when a noise was -heard in the Court of crying out a pick-pocket, a pick-pocket, and soon -after our undertaker was haled into Court; the Judge seeing him, said, -Sirrah, how durst you be so bold? I shall talk with you by and by, set -him by at present; the prisoner at the Bar seeing it was now a fit time, -cryed out, O my Lord! I pray let him stay here now, for indeed my Lord -that is the very person of whom I bought the watch, and whose just fate -hath brought him hither at this time, that my innocency may be cleared, -therefore I beseech you my Lord, let him be examined, and I question not -but you will soon find my innocency. The Judge hearing the exclamations -of the prisoner, and supposing there might be somewhat in the case, and -withal being desirous to execute justice caused the Undertaker to be -brought to the bar, and then he thus began: now, you who are the -prisoner at the bar, and upon your tryal, what do you say to, or charge -this man with; my Lord replyed the padder, I say and alledge that this -Person who now stands here by me, is the very person of whom I bought -the watch, and I gave him fifty shillings for it, let him deny it if he -can, and my Lord I further say, that I suppose he is the person who -committed the robbery, for he is habited just as this Country-man -described one of them to be: what say you to this: said my Lord to the -Country-man, truly my Lord, said he, I am somewhat at a stand, for -indeed one of those who robb’d me was habited as this fellow is, -pointing to the undertaker, but I finding my Watch in the custody of -this other did verily believe and was very confident that it was he that -robb’d me, but I must leave all to your Lord-ship and the Jury: Now, you -Sir, said my Lord to the undertaker, what say you for your self? did you -sell a Watch to this man here? my Lord, replyed he, I have never a -Watch, no, I know that now, said my Lord, but did you not sell a Watch -to this man? my Lord said the undertaker, I am an honest man, that’s a -sign of your honesty, when you pick a pocket in my presence, my Lord it -is a mistake, replyed the Fellow; I believe, said my Lord, we shall not -be mistaken in you by and by, having thus said the Watch it self was -produc’d, and shew’d to the undertaker; and he was asked if he knew it, -yes, my Lord, said he, I had such a watch as this; and where had you it? -I know not said the undertaker: at this the Padder cryed out, O my Lord, -he hath said enough to discharge me and accuse himself, for he ownes he -had the Watch, and I am sure I bought it of him, therefore good my Lord -do me Justice? acquit me, and punish him; all in due time said my Lord, -we must not condemn him before he be lawfully indicted, but I think he -hath confess’d enough against himself, and therefore he shall be -committed, and since I cannot stay now any longer he shall be indicted -the next Assizes, till then he must lye by it and have time to repent: -but I pray my Lord, said the Padder, let me be discharged; I cannot -discharge you reply’d my Lord, now you are upon your tryal, except the -Jury find you not guilty: I put myself upon them, said the Padder, -whereupon the Jury only asking the Undertaker some questions which he -doubtfully answered, the Jury gave their Verdict, _Not guilty_, and thus -was the Padder discharged, but however he was bound to come in evidence -the next Assizes against the undertaker, and so was the Country-man, but -he had been better to have taken fifty pounds than thus to have troubled -himself about the Ring, for in the end he lost all, and no hanging was -in the case; for when the next Assizes came, and our Undertaker was -indicted, the Tale was now of another Hogg, he denyed all knowledge of -the Watch, and as he had owned any thing before, he now again denyed it, -bringing witnesses to prove where he was at that hour, and all the time -of the robbery, and saying, he told them it was a mistake the last time, -that he was then only surprized; and indeed he spake so well, and to the -purpose, that he was acquitted of the robbery, and only whipt a little -for picking the pocket, and so he march’d off with fifty pounds; and the -Padder who did not appear at the Assizes as witness against him, let the -recognizance go against him, leaving the law to find him where they -could catch him. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAP. XVIII. - -_Mistress_ Mary _relates a notable story of a Countrey-Gentleman’s - cheating a Gold smith; another much more remarkable, of a Gentlemans - Boy by assistance of his Master, who put a notable trick on a - Goldsmith: afterwards going for_ France, _is notoriously robb’d by way - of retaliation, the manner how, with his accompanying a seeming - Gallant to a Feast who steals a piece of Plate._ - -Having now finished my discourse, I desired Mistress _Dorothy_ to -proceed in hers, and put an end to her Adventures, to which she replyed, -that since I was so well acquainted with these passages, and could -recount things so various and wittily-pleasant, which far exceeded -anything she could say, she desired to be excused from any further -recital; I told her I must needs however, hear what she could further -say, for all she had hitherto said was various from what I had related -to her; and Mistress _Mary_ likewise joyned with me in this request, -telling her that she must needs proceed in her Narrative, for she longed -to hear what was the end of the Host, and Hostess, and how she left them -and came to _London_, and what else had hapned to her till the first of -their Acquaintance. Truly replyed Mistress _Dorothy_, I shall give you -satisfaction to all these particulars; but methinks you were but short -in your Narrative and might have enlarg’d; and since you did as I -believe, omit many passages of your Life that were considerable, I pray -let us hear some of them from you. I must confess, said Mistress _Mary_, -that in the recital I made you of my actions, I only recounted to you -those things which did pertain to my own story, as thinking it -impertinent to relate any others; but if I had thought it pleasant, I -could likewise have told you of some such Robberies and Cheates, as some -of my acquaintance were engag’d in. It is not too late to do it now, -said I to her; and seeing Mistress _Dorothy_ is not yet pleased to -continue her story, I pray you therefore to let us know some of your -experience in this nature. I shall not deny your request, replyed -Mistress _Mary_, and therefore after some little pause to recollect her -self of what she had to say; she thus began. - -I must confess that I had several of my Customers whilest I liv’d -publickly at _London_, who although they come to me full, return’d -empty, and then necessity put them upon unlawful courses, and when they -could not live of themselves, then they liv’d by shirking upon others; -this was their first step, and when this would not do, and they began to -be angry and discontented that they could not wear money in their -pockets, they then fell to gameing, and all the Cheats of that Mystery -were put in practice; when that course left them, the next was to pick -pockets, steal Cloaks, and a hundred such kinde of shirking tricks, till -from one degree to another they came to the high pad, and from thence to -the Goal, and so to the Gibbet; many I say, of my acquaintance did run -through all these Courses, and beginning, as they say, with a pin, -proceeded to a point, and so to a biggar thing, till the rope held them; -but I alwayes made it my business to leave them off when they began -these Courses. Among others that came to me, I had a Country Gentleman -who designing to deal honestly with a shop-keeper, had occasion to -out-wit him, who intended to cheat the Country-man. The Countrey -Gentleman when he came to me had his Pockets well lined with Half-Crown -Pieces, but he loving his pleasure I made him pay for it so -considerably, that his Pocket was well near emptied: he had twenty -Pieces of Gold and several Rings, part of which I design’d to be -Mistress of, but he was to wise and wary to part from any such precious -Commodities: but an urgent occasion happening, and mony being wanting, -he was resolved to sell a Diamond Ring that he had, which was worth -fifty pounds, wherefore he keeping a Servant took him along, and to -_Lombard-street_ they went, when he came there, pitch’d upon a -Goldsmiths Shop where he intended to sell it; he therefore drew off his -Ring, and ask’d the Goldsmith what it was worth? The Goldsmith looking -on him, and then on the Ring, did hope to make this Ring his own for a -small matter; and seeing our Countrey-man in a plain Countrey Habit, did -believe that he had little skill in Diamonds, and that this came -accidentally to his possession, and that he might purchase it very -easily, wherefore he being doubtful what to answer as to Price, told the -Countrey-man that the worth of it was uncertain, for he could not -directly tell whether it was right, or counterfeit; As for that, said -the Countrey-man, I believe it is right, and dare warrant it, and indeed -I intend to sell it, and therefore would know what you will give me for -it: Truly, replyed the Goldsmith, I believe it may be worth ten pounds; -Yes, and more money, said the Countrey-man; Not much more, said the -Goldsmith, for look you here, said he, here is a Ring which I will -warrant is much better than yours, and I will also warrant it to be a -right good diamond, and I will sell it you for twenty pounds: This the -Goldsmith said, supposing that the Countrey-man who came to sell, had no -skill, inclination, nor money to buy; but the Countrey-man believing -that the Goldsmith onely said thus, thinking to draw him on to part from -his own Ring the more easily, and by that means cheat him, resolv’d if -he could, to be too wise for the Goldsmith; wherefore taking both the -Rings into his hands as to compare them together, he thus said: I am -sure mine is a right Diamond: and so is mine, reply’d the Goldsmith: and -said the Countrey-man, shall I have it for twenty pounds? Yes, reply’d -the Goldsmith; but said he, I suppose you come to sell, and not to buy; -and since you shall see I will be a good Customer, I will give you -fifteen pounds for yours. Nay reply’d the Countrey-man, since I have had -my choice to by or sell, I will never refuse a good Penny-worth, as I -think this is, therefore Master Goldsmith, I will keep my own and give -you money for yours: Where is it? said the Goldsmith hastily, and -endeavouring then to seize on his Ring; Hold a blow there, said the -Countrey-man, here’s your money, but the Ring I will keep. The Goldsmith -seeing himself caught, flustered and flounced like a mad man, and the -Countrey-man pulling out a little Purse, told down twenty Pieces of -Gold, & said, Here Shop-keeper, here’s your money; but I hope you will -allow me eighteen pence a piece in exchange for my Gold. Tell not me of -exchange, but give me my Ring, said the Goldsmith: It is mine, said the -Countrey-man, for I have bought it and paid for it, and have witness of -my Bargain. All this would not serve the Goldsmith’s turn, but he curs’d -& swore that the Countrey-man came to cheat him, & his ring he would -have; & at the noise several people came about his Shop, but he was so -perplexed that he could not tell his Tale, and the Countrey-Gentleman -could; at length a Constable came, and although the Goldsmith knew not -to what purpose, yet before a Justice he would go: the Countrey-man was -content, and therefore together they went; when they came there, the -Goldsmith who was the plaintiff, began his Tale, and said, that the -Countrey-man had taken a Diamond Ring from him worth one hundred pounds; -and would give him but twenty pounds for it, have a care what you say, -reply’d the Country-man; for if you charge me with taking a ring from -you, I suppose that is stealing; and if you say so, I shall vex you -farther than I have done, and then he told the Justice the whole story -as I have related, which was then a very plain case, & for proof of the -matter, the Countrey-Gentleman’s man was witness. The Goldsmith hearing -this, alleadged, that he believed the Countrey Gentleman and his man -were both Impostors and Cheats: to this the Countrey-man reply’d as -before, that he were best have a care he did not make his case worse, -and bring an old house on his head by slandering of him, for it was well -known that he was a Gentle-man of three hundred pounds _per Annum_, and -liv’d at a place he nam’d but twenty miles from _London_; and that he -being desirous to sell a ring, came to his shop to that purpose, but he -would have cheated him; but it prov’d he only made a rod for his own -breech, and what he intended to him, was fallen upon himself: thus did -the Country Gentleman make good his discourse, and the Justice seeing -there was no injustice done, dismiss’d them; but order’d that his -Neighbour the Goldsmith should have the twenty pieces of Gold for twenty -pounds, though they were worth more in exchange; and this was all the -satisfaction he had. The Country Gentleman went presently to a Citizen, -an acquaintance of his, to whom he deliver’d the ring he had so -purchased, desiring him to sell it for him which he did; for being known -to be a Citizen, the Goldsmith that bought it offered him at the first -word Ninety five pounds for it, and in the end gave him forty shillings -more, with which money he returned to the Countrey-man, and he giving -him the forty shillings for his pains, returned with the rest to me, -relating all the matter as it had passed. I was as much pleas’d as he, -because I question’d not but I should partake with him, and so I did; -for he gave me ten pound to buy me a Gown; and thus was our Goldsmith -well enough serv’d. And it was not long after, before another Goldsmith -had a considerable loss, and thus it was. - -Amongst the other Customers that came to me, there was a Gentleman, a -Blade of fortune, who although he was of a good Family, yet being a -younger Brother, had but little besides his wits to live upon; but as he -was a Gentleman, so kept himself in a Garb according to his Quality, and -had a foot boy in a Livery to attend him: this boy was a notable young -Rogue, and had assisted his Master in many an exploit, and was privy to -most of his secrets: this young man (continued Mistress _Mary_) coming -to visit me, and we falling into discourses of wit, I related to him the -adventure of the Countrey-Gentleman with the Goldsmith; he was much -pleased with the relation, and told me the Goldsmith was well enough -served, and that above all trades, he had a greater picque or anger -against them than any; for (said he) it grieves me to the heart to walk -through _Cheapside_ or _Lombard-street_, with little or no moneyes in my -pocket, and see so much jingling of money in their Shops, and so great a -quantity of _Jacobus’es_ and other Gold, either lying in their -Glass-cases, or telling on the Compters, and methinks when I see it my -fingers itch to be handling of some of them; but I believe if a -Gentleman should starve they would not part from any without very good -Security; but (said he) I have now thought upon a way how to get some of -them without much hazard; and I being desirous to know, he told me thus: -my boy and I will walk along; and Sirrah, said he to the boy, when I -make a small stop, do you go into the Goldsmiths Shop where you shall -see them telling of money; and laying your hand upon a heap, catch up a -handful, but so soon as you have taken it up, let it fall down again and -leave it where you had it, and come after me and leave the rest to my -management; the boy promis’d to do as he was directed: but, said I, what -advantage can you make by your boys handling of money and leaving it -behind him? as for that, said he, I question not before I have done I -shall make a good business of it, and thereupon he left me, and went -immediatly to put this his project in execution; he returned that -evening and told me all was well yet, and it would be better in time: I -desired to know his meaning, whereupon he told me, that according to his -appointment the boy went into the Goldsmiths shop, took up a handful of -money, laid it all down again and ran away to him, that he was no sooner -come to him, but the Goldsmiths Servants were at his heels, that he -looking about and seeing them, ask’d what the matter was? they reply’d, -his boy had stollen some money: he answer’d he knew it was false, they -said it was true; and he should go back with them to their Master: the -boy was content, and so was the Master, when coming to the Shop, the -Goldsmith himself said that that Boy, if he were his, had robb’d him. -The Boy and his Master both denyed it, and they fell to hot words, so -that the Goldsmith call’d me (said the Gentleman) Shirking Fellow, and -that he would have me sent to _Newgate_ for robbing him: for if the boy -did it, it was by my appointment: I (said the Gentleman) told him that -he did abuse me, and that in conclusion must, and should pay for it: but -first I desired to know with what Sum they charged the boy; they said -they knew not, but that he had taken money from a heap which they were -telling of, which heap was a hundred pounds; hearing them say thus, I -told them I would stay the telling of it, and then they might judge who -had the abuse: they were content with it, and accordingly went to -telling: half an hour had dispatched that matter, and then they found -that they had all their money right to a farthing. The Goldsmith seeing -this, asked my pardon for the affront: for, said he, it is a mistake: I -answer’d, that he must pay for his prating, and that I was a Person of -that quality that would not put up the affront, and that he must hear -further from me; he seeing me so hot, was as chollerick as I, and so we -parted, and thus far (said he) I have proceeded. But all this while -(said I) I do not see where is your gain: that is to come, said he, and -so it was, and did come in, and that considerably too; for the next day -he caused the Goldsmith to be arrested in an action of Defamation, and -the Sergeant who arrested him being well fee’d by the Gentleman, told -the Goldsmith that he were best to compound the matter, for the -Gentleman was a Person of Quality, and would not put it up, but make him -pay soundly for it, if he proceeded any further. The Goldsmith being -desirous of quiet harkned to his counsel, and agreed to give 10_l._ but -that would not be taken; but twenty pounds was given to the Gentleman, -and so the business was made up for the present. Our Gentleman who had -some of the Goldsmiths money, was resolv’d to have more, or venture hard -for it; wherefore having again given instructions to his Boy what to do, -he made several Journeys to the Goldsmiths, walking by his door to watch -an opportunity, at length he found one; for he seeing the Servants -telling of a considerable quantity of Gold; he gave the sign to his Boy, -who presently went in and clapping his hand on the heap, took up and -brought away a full handful, and coming to his Master gave it him; -neither did the Boy make such haste out of the Shop, but that he could -hear a stranger who was in the Shop receiving money, say to the -Apprentice, why do you not stop the Boy? no, said the Apprentice, I do -not mean it, I know him well enough, my Master paid Sauce lately for -stopping him; and so they continued telling their money, which I am sure -did not fall out so right as formerly; for that evening the Master and -Boy both came to my lodging, and not only told me how they had sped, but -I saw the effects of their enterprize; for this young rogue had brought -off with him between forty and fifty brave yellow pieces; we all three -rejoyced at our good fortune, for I was concerned, having five pieces of -it given to me, I then told the Gentleman that he had run a very great -hazard, and that I did not think he had practis’d these tricks; no -truly, replyed he, this is the first I ever did in _England_, but I have -been abroad in _France_ and other Countreys, where I was acquainted with -rare ingenious fellows at these tricks, and they had notable inventions -to get moneys; and sometimes I would put in as a Party with them, and -from them it was that I learned this confidence: I then desired him to -relate to me some of his practises in those Countreys, he soon granted -my request, and began as followeth. - -I had not been long in _Paris_ but I had some tricks put upon me; the -first was this, I endeavoured to appear brave, made a rich Sute and -Cloak, and with this strutted about the streets to shew my self, hoping -and expecting that some _French_ Madam or other would fall in love with -me, but instead of that, some of these Gentlemen _Divers_ fell in love -with my Cloak, and were resolved to have it, wherefore they watched me -one evening and as it growing late I was going home to my Quarters -passing through a blind Lane where was nothing but back doors of -Gentlemens stables; three fellows seized on me, one dives into my -pockets, whence he fish’d out all the little money I had about me, which -amounted to above thirty shillings _English_, another draws his knife -and cuts the Neck-button of my Cloak, and the third takes off my hat; I -had not lost all my spirits, so that I told them they did very uncivily -by me to take away my hat, and leave me to walk without one; they begun -to swear at me and forc’d me to entreat for my hat, and withal -considering that the loss of my Cloak would spoil my Suit, I told them -that I hoped as they were Gentlemen, so they would hear reason, and -offered if they would put any price upon the Cloak I would redeem it; -they thinking money would do them more good than the Cloak, told me that -if I would give them five pounds, I should have it: the Cloak stood me -in ten pounds, and therefore I was resolved to give them five pounds, -therefore I desired them to name the place and time when I should meet -them with the money; they answered me the next evening about that time, -and in a place there adjoyning in the street; but they told me that if I -thought by that appointment to bring any with me to catch them, that -then they would mischief me; I promis’d them that I would not, and so we -departed, but withal they were so civil as to give me my Hat along with -me; I went home to my Lodging, and though I was vexed at my misfortune, -yet I was forced to rest with patience till the next evening when -putting the promis’d money in my pocket, went at the time to the place -appointed; I had not staid there long but I heard the noise of a Coach, -and on a sudden two men came out at the boot, and seising on me muffled -me in one of their Cloaks and put me into the Coach; this done, the -Coach-man did drive on apace, and I was in but bad taking to think what -a case I was in, and did verily believe that those fellows who had the -last night taken my money and Cloak from me, had now a Design upon my -life, and therefore were come themselves, or had sent some of their -Companions, to rob and kill me, I had not continued long in these -thoughts but the coach stopt, and I was taken out of it, and being -carried into a Court-yard, was unmuffled, and led into a great Hall, -where I was met by those three who had the night before Dis-cloak’d me; -they told me I was wel-come, and that what had been done to me that -evening was only to prevent their being out-witted and discovered by me, -and withal, as I was a stranger, to treat and entertain me amongst them; -I hearing that it was no worse Pluck’d up my Spirits and answer’d them, -that I was resolv’d to be in every thing as good as my word, and -therefore came alone to the place appointed, and had brought my money -with me; they then led me through the Hall into an adjoyning Wardrobe -which was full of Cloaks, Gowns, Hatts, Swords, and all such kind of -Habiliments, and among the rest I saw my Cloak, wherefore I told out the -money and took my Cloak, put it on, and went into the Hall amongst them, -there I was welcomed by several of the Gang and they had women amongst -them, who all looked on me with a cheerful countenance, & treated me -very civily. This they all desired of me that if I intended their -friendship and my own safety, I must not take any notice of them before -any company, or if I met them abroad; I promis’d to perform this -Injunction, and so we went to supper, after that to dancing, and spent -three or four hours in very pleasant manner, and then several of them -departing I thought it was time for me to do so too, but I believed it -would be convenient to ask leave before I went; wherefore I told those -whom I best knew, that I was amind if they pleas’d, to go home; they -told me that I might do so, but it must be in the same manner as I came; -I consented to it, and two of them going into the Coach with me, hid my -face for a short space, and then let me see; but I quickly perceived -that I had gone through several By-lanes and passages, and at length -came to the place where I had been taken up, and there they set me down, -and the Coachman whirling about left me in a moment; I therefore went -the ready way home to my Lodging, where I went to bed and consulted with -my self about this Adventure, not having known or heard of the like; but -it was not many days before I was engaged in another which was as -strange as the former. Although I was in a strange Countrey, yet I had -some acquaintance whom I visited sometimes; One day being solitary a -walking, I met with one of these of my acquaintance, he saluted me very -courteously, and told me he supposed I was minded to break off the -friendship we had lately contracted because I had been so great a -stranger at his house: I replyed, that I intended suddenly to give him a -visit; I pray then, Sir, said he, let it be to morrow, the sooner the -better, for I have a great desire to converse with you; and Sir, said -he, if you have any friend bring him with you, and for your sake he -shall be as welcome as your self; I replyed, it was very likely that I -should wait upon him, and thus we parted: I remember since that about -the time I met this friend, I was overtaken by a gentile fellow, who had -followed me like my shaddow, and during the time of this converse he -waited as I did, and now I being parted from my friend, and having -walked a little faster than before, I had dropt my Gentleman who -sauntred behind. The next day about the time that mortals whet their -Knives on Thresholds, and Shooe-soles, I prepared to go to dinner to my -friends, and again by the way I was accosted by this gentile fellow, who -had the day before followed me, and now he did so again; and when I came -to my friends house and entred, there he did so too, and with as much -confidence as if he had been of great acquaintance with the Inviter; he -sate down among other Guests that were there, Dinner was soon after -brought in, and there being several Guests much victuals, and much -variety was served at the Table, my strange Gentleman did eat as -heartily and talk as boldly as any there, and I thought him to be one of -the Inviters acquaintance, and he supposed he was my friend which I had -brought with me; but he proved to be very no good friend to the man of -the house, for waiting his opportunity he went to the Cupboards head -which stood in a convenient place, and clapping a piece of plate worth -ten pounds under his Cloak, he walked off _incognito_. I soon after -missed him, and my friend missed my friend as he told me, but it was not -much longer e’re the Plate was missing, and although private search was -made, yet it was not found, and our friend being gone, the Inviter -missing none of the Guests but him, asked me for him, but when I told -him he was no friend nor acquaintance of mine, he soon knew which way -his Plate went. Thus (said he) he thinking him to be my friend, and I -thinking him to be his, this fellow had the conveniency of doing this -injury; but, continued he, I soon understood that it was a usual matter -to play such pranks and that more considerable, and that withal a very -bold confidence, unusual with other Nations, and upon second thoughts I -remember I had seen this fellow among those who had my Cloak, but it was -too late now to remember it, and it had been unsafe then to have taken -any notice of him, remembring the Charge had been given me. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - -[Illustration] - - - - - CHAP. XIX. - -_Two notorious Rogues robb’d a Church by the help of two Fryers habits - they had murther’d; afterwards they robb’d a Merchant of Silks, Plate, - &c. By a notable stratagem they laid for the purpose in an Inn next - adjacent, they ransack’d a Linnen-drapers Shop in the night by - conveying a boy into it being enclos’d within a supposed Bayl of - Goods, who proved the Key to let them in to perfect their design; by - counterfeiting a Gentlemans key, they stole from him six hundred - Crowns, and murdering him flead his face that he might not be known, - but were notwithstanding by a miraculous providence discovered and - executed, who being penitent at their death, confest many notorious - villanies. A notable trick a Gentleman puts upon a Pick pocket._ - - -Thus (continued Mistress _Mary_) did this Gentleman finish his two -stories of the Cloak, and the piece of Plate. I told him I wondered at -the boldness of those _French men_, and that they exceeded our Countrey -men in confidence; yes, (said he) if you knew so much as I, you would -have reason to say so, for it is a usual thing for them to seize -Gentlemen if they can light upon them in any convenient place: and carry -them some miles out of the Town, and make them pay money for a ransom, -neither dare they contradict it lest worse befal them, and they are -bloodily minded, for if they cannot get money, they will do any murder. -Not far from _Paris_, continued he, two of these Rogues had been hunting -for Prey, and because they could not meet with any purchase, they were -resolved rather than fail to commit some murder; the next that met them -were two Fryers, these having no money to redeem their lives they -dispatched into the other world, and having so done, they stript them; -and put on their Fryers weeds; being thus habited they march’d further -into the Country, and coming late to a Countrey-town, went to the -Parsons house, who entertained them; as they came in late, so they went -out early, pretending necessary occasions, and the Parson not being up -nor willing to rise so soon, they desired the Key of the Church (which -was adjoyning to the house) that they might go it to do their devotions -before they went? the Key was accordingly delivered, and they went in, -but instead of saying their prayers, they made a prey of what they met -with, the silver Chalices, and all the Ornaments of the Church they took -with them, and so went on their wayes to do more mischief, but not -having the conveniency to execute their designs in the habit they were -in, they therefore went to the place where they had hid their own, and -there putting them on, they march’d to _Paris_, where they walked about -the City to espy what mischief might be done; being now both weary, -hungry, and thirsty, they went into a drinking house, which being full -of Guests below, they were conducted up one pair of stairs, and there -they had both victuals and drink such as they desired, when their -bellies were full, their eyes did wander about the Room, to see if they -might espy any thing to make a purchase of; but although they could see -nothing in that room, yet they could discern that in the house opposite -to them, there was much rich Goods, fine Silks, and Sattins; their -fingers itch’d to be handling of them, but at present they knew not how, -however resolving that they would attempt it, but not finding any means -how at present to do it, they therefore were resolved to try if they -could take up their Quarters at the house they were drinking in, and -then they did not question but they should in short time find out some -means to execute their Design, having taken this resolution, they -therefore call’d for more drink, and their Landlords company, and being -frolick, and expensive, that they might be accounted good Guests, they -asked of the Landlord whether they might not have a Lodging there? he -believing it would be to his profit, told them they might, but they must -lodge one pair of Stairs higher; they were well enough content with -that, and therefore drank on till it was night, and then to bed they -went; and laid their plot how to rob this Merchants house, which they -did in few days after: In order to which Design of theirs, they went out -and purchased Ropes, and a Pully, and seeing a large Chest to be sold at -the second hand, they likewise bought that, and putting in their Ropes -and Pully, and a great quantity of Raggs and stones, and such like -Trash, that it might seem heavy, they caused it to be carried to their -Lodging: Their Host seeing so large a Chest, and so heavy, did believe -that his Guests were rich, and that a considerable quantity of Treasure -was therein enclosed, and therefore gave them a greater respect than -formerly. They every day when they went out, carried out part of the -Rubbish which they had bestowed in the Chest, so that in short time it -was empty, or at least, nothing but the Ropes and Pully was in it: They -only now waited for a convenient opportunity to execute their design, -which they considered must be done when both the houses, as well that -where they lodged, as the Merchants house they intended to rob, were -empty; and no day was so likely to leave them so, as a Sunday; wherefore -that they might have the better pretence for staying at home, they both -pretended some indisposition in their bodyes, for which they said they -thought it convenient to take Physick, they had been so good Guests to -the house, that the Host was willing to accommodate them in anything; -however, when he and his Family went to Church, they lock’d the -Street-door: No sooner was that house clear, but they were resolved to -attempt the other, and knowing that the Master and Mistress, and most, -if not all the Family, was likewise gone out, they were resolved to kill -the rest, if they found any single person that should oppose them: They -intended to make their way into the house by going down the chimny, and -therefore they had provided Ropes and a Pully, and there was no great -difficulty to get to the house top, for they ascended to the Garret of -their Landlords house, got out of the window to the top of that, and the -other house joyning to that, to the street side, they soon got to the -Chimny they intended to descend. The house where they lodged, and this -Merchants house were joyned together in the Front, but backwards there -was an Ally of about six foot wide that seperated them, and a cross this -Ally it was that they first saw the Room wherein the Silks were placed; -they being gotten to the Chimny’s top, laid a piece of Timber across, -and fastening their Pully to that, and putting their Rope in the Pully, -the one who was to descend the Chimny, took hold of one end of the Rope; -and his companion holding another part of the Rope, by degrees he was -let down into the Room he desired: It was two pair of stairs below the -Garret, and in regard the Silk might be soild and spoil’d if they were -drawn up the chimny, they did not take that course but a more easie one, -for he that was on the house top, went into their lodging the same way -he came up, and going down into the Chamber that was even with, and -opposite to that where his Companion was, he opened a Casement, and his -Companion doing the like, they could without much difficulty reach to -one another, and so in short time the richest, and best of the Merchants -Silk was conveyed into their Quarters. Our Thieves seeing they had -gained this prize with so little danger and difficulty, were resolved to -get more if they could; and therefore he that was in the house ransack’d -it all over, and finding a considerable quantity of Plate and money, he -likewise conveyed it to his Companion; and now having done all this, he -went into the Shop, intending to leave the street door open, that the -Merchant when he came home might suppose that the thieves who had robb’d -him did come in that ways, but the street door was double lock’d, and -therefore it could not be opened, wherefore he undid the bolts of one of -the Shop windows, and leaving it loosely open, he went up agen, and -telling his Companion what he had done, and that there was no more to be -done, he ordered him to go to the house top, and as he had assisted in -letting him down the Chimny, so to help to draw him up, which the other -did accordingly. There was one scruple came into their minds, that -although the Shop-window was opened, and the Merchant might reasonably -enough imagine that the Thieves who had robb’d him, had come in that -way, yet they were very sensible, that with descending and ascending the -Chimny they had thrown down much soot, which might cause a jealousie, -that they who robb’d the house might come in that way, and so they might -be discover’d; wherefore to prevent all such suspition as much as they -could, they tumbled down two or three Brick-batts that lay on the top of -the Chimny, which might be supposed to be blown down by the wind; and -having thus done they retired to their Quarters, disposing all their -Silks, Money, and Plate unto their Chest, and that there might be the -less suspition of them, the Landlord soon returning, one of them -pretending to be very ill, and the other very dilligent in attending his -Companion; their Landlord furnished them with strong waters, and such -other cordials as were at hand; and the Merchant coming home found his -Shop-window open, and his house robb’d, it being so apparent as he -thought that the Robbers came in, or went out at the Shop-windows; he -had no suspition of any other contrivance, all that he could do, was, to -have all suspitious places search’d, his neighbours house escaped, being -too near home to be suspected: the host only thinking he had escap’d a -danger being so near, and telling them that it was not good to leave a -house empty, and although all his folks went with him to Church, yet he -had left two honest Guests in his house, and besides they were locked in -fast enough. Thus, continued the Gentleman, was this Robbery committed, -and they who were guilty went away unsuspected. The next day they -conveyed part of their purchase away to a place where they hid all their -prizes, and by degrees getting the most part away, they continued not -long in those Quarters, but made another Remove. These fellows were -notable cunning Rascals, and had so many ways to bring in Purchases, -that they gathered much goods together, but covetous of more still -attempted further Projects, till in the end they were caught and -deservedly punished. - -The next Project they had (said the Gentleman) was this, they had a boy -who oftentimes served and assisted them in their undertaking, and he was -now very useful; for one day intending to steal, they pretended to buy -some Linnen cloath; and a conceit coming into their heads, they did buy -some considerable quantity; they left it at the Drapers where they -bought it, paying a small matter of money in part at present, promising -to come the next day and fetch it away, and pay the rest of the money: -the next day they came and brought a Porter with them loaden with a Bayl -made up, as they said, of Woollen-cloath which they said they had -bought, and intending to send that, and what they had bought of him into -the Countrey, the Carrier was gone before they came, and therefore they -could not send away either till the next day; when, they said, another -Carrier was to go to the place they intended to send to; and therefore -they desired the Shop-keeper to let them leave that Bayl of Cloth in his -Shop till the next day, when they intended to fetch them both. They -having been Customers to the Shop, he did not refuse them so small a -courtesie, but permitted them to set it in a convenient place in the -Shop; but his entertaining of that Bayl of Cloth, was almost as fatal to -him as the _Trojans_ entertainment of the wooden-horse; for at midnight -when the Draper was asleep, these Rogues were wakeful, and having -conveyed this Roguish Boy I told you of, into this Bayl, which they -pretended was Cloth, he taking out his Knife cut his way through, so -that he came out the Bayl, and not finding the Key of the Shop-door, he -opened the Shop-windows and did let in his two Masters, who waited there -for that purpose; they being within the Shop were not idle, but having -seen by day-light where the finest Cloth was plac’d they now removed it, -and breaking open a Desk wherein they had observed the Draper did put -his money, there they found four hundred _French_ Crowns, so taking that -money, and as much of the finest Cloth as they could carry, they march’d -off; neither did the boy stay behinde, but leaving an empty Bayl covered -with Canvas, and stuff’d round about with Cotton, he also loading -himself, went with his masters, the same way he had let them in, and so -they carried this purchase to the rest. The next morning the Draper, and -his Servants were soon sensible of the Robbery, and seeing the hole cut -in the Bayl, they quickly discovered the manner how, but it was such a -Novelty as had not been heard of; and he was forced to rest himself -contented with his loss, for notwithstanding all his endeavours, he -could not for the present hear of his Customers, who indeed were safe -enough in their Quarters. These Rogues who now had money enough put -themselves in a gentle habit, and kept company with the best, but still -they waited to do all the mischief they could, and to that end they -ingratiated themselves into the company of Countrey Gentlemen, such as -were best acquainted with the Customs and Humors of the Town; many they -met with, and few escaped them, but that they either got them into play, -cheated them, or pick’d their pockets or made some other prize of them: -Among others they met with a young Country-Gentleman, who had been -unfortunate enough already, for he having had a quarrel about a -mistress, and fighting with his Rival, had the Fortune, or Misfortune -rather, to kill him; Divine vengeance seldom misses to pursue, and -overtake those who are guilty of murther; & although these kind of -murthers, which are the most excusable, being as they term them, fairly -done, pass rather for pieces of gallantry than otherwise; yet some great -misfortune always attends them, as I have observ’d by several -Precedents, but more especially by this Gentlemans misfortunes; for no -sooner had he made his Enemy to fall in the place where they had fought, -but he was forc’d to fly away for his own safety, doubting else he might -fall in to the hands of Justice; he therefore with all speed retired to -a place, six miles from thence, where he had fought, to a friends house, -and not thinking himself safe, being there provided with money enough -for a long journey, he travelled on towards _Paris_, being a place whose -large Circuit, and number of inhabitants might hide him from all -pursuers; in his way thither he was met by Thieves, who attempted to rob -him, but they being but two and he valliant enough, as he thought to -oppose them, drew and defended himself, he here likewise had the fortune -to cause one of them to drop down by him, which the other seeing, fled, -but not so far but that he soon returned with three more in his company; -The Gentleman seeing this, and doubting that now he should not onely be -robb’d of what he had, but also believing that they would kill him to -revenge their fellow; he therefore takes one Purse of money and threw it -into a Hedge near him, hopeing that if he did escape, he might have that -for a reserve. By this time the thieves were come up to him, and all -drew upon him, he (knowing that odds did overcome _Hercules_ and might -do him) therefore told them, that if it were his mony they wanted, he -would deliver it to them; although they were very angry for the loss of -their Companion, yet it being money that they came for, they accepted of -that; he giving them another Purse of money which he had about him; but -in regard they had suffered so great a loss as the death of one of their -Companions, they stripp’d, and ty’d our young Gentleman, and taking away -their Companion with them, they departed. He lay not long there but was -unty’d, and reliev’d by some Passengers, who furnished him with an old -Coat, and he taking up his Purse of money, where he had laid it, went -along with them to the next Town; there he furnished himself with -Cloaths, and so travelled on towards _Paris_; but before he came -thither, he was again met with by Thieves, who then robb’d him of all -his money; so that when he came into the City he was in a sad condition, -being a Stranger, moneyless, and friendless: however these last Thieves -being so civil as to leave him his Cloaths, he took a lodging in a -convenient place of the Town, and presently sent away to his friends, -acquainting them with his misfortunes, and desiring them to send him -more money: Although it was a great way he had to send, yet in a little -time he received an answer according to his expectations, and although -till then he was forc’d to run on the Score, and keep house, yet now he -honestly paid his Host, and putting himself in a very good Garb, he now -went abroad, & light into the company of our two thievish Rogues who -dealt Roguishly with him; for perceiving him to be a stranger, they took -him up, and became his companions; and that they might be able to do him -the more mischief, they so far ingratiated themselves into his company, -as to take a lodging where he lay, and then finding that he was pretty -well furnished with moneys, they tryed several ways to get it from him, -they tempted him to gameing, but he was not guilty of that hazardous -vanity, and would not play; he carried but little money in his pocket, -but he left the rest in his Trunk which was also lock’d up in his -Chamber; and the Landlord of the house being an honest man, was very -careful of it; however they were resolved to be Masters of it by one -means or other: but they delayed it a while longer by an occasion that -fell out; he had written for more moneys, intending to pass from -_France_ into the Low-countreys; and thereupon a Letter came one day to -his hands, which acquainted him, that within fourteen days he might -receive six hundred Crowns of a Merchant in _Paris_, to whom a Bill of -Exchange was directed; this Letter he dropt by accident, and one of -these Rogues met with and read it, but knowing that it would advantage -him nothing to keep it, he soon gave it to the owner. He acquainted his -Companion with the News, and how he did believe that the Gentleman -would, when he received that money, bring it home to his Lodging, -wherefore they would stay until that time & then they would rob him of -it all; this resolution they both continued in, and that he might not -distrust them in any particular, they kept him company very much, seldom -permitting him to be in any other company; they also carried him abroad -with them to several of their friends, who treated him very well for -their sakes: In the mean time, they being often with him in his Chamber, -one of them took the Key out of his Chamber-door, and making an -impression of it upon Wax, put it in there again; his Companion keeping -our Gentleman company in the mean time: The fourteen days being come, he -went and received his money, and bringing it home lock’d it up in his -Trunk; And now being furnished with money, he was resolv’d to fit -himself with Clothes, and proceed on his intended Journey; but he was -prevented; as I shall presently tell you, for these two Rogues having -now got the key of the Chamber-door made, and having tryed it, were -resolv’d to delay no longer, but catch the Birds before they were flown, -as they would be in few days, if they did not prevent it; for this cause -they invited him one evening to go out with them to supper, he -distrusting nothing went with them, where was better cheer than Company, -for all the Entertainers were as very Rogues as these two, however they -treated him very civilly, and after supper fell to drinking, he being -desirous to return to his lodging, requested his companions to be going; -but they knowing it was yet too early to execute their Design; desired -him to stay longer, and so long as he had their companies, they told him -he would be safe enough; he seeing them resolv’d to stay, was content, -and so they drank on till about eleven of the clock at night; and then, -he not being willing to stay longer, they agreed to go with him; and to -the end they might not be stopp’d by any Watch, they agreed to go a -back-way, which was somewhat about; this they pretended was the reason -of their going that way, but it was indeed, that those who were his -entertainers, and who were to assist them in their Enterprize might by -going the nearest way, meet them; which accordingly they did, for at the -place appointed by all, but our Gentleman, they met, and pretending -themselves drunk, jostell’d one another so, that their swords were soon -drawn, and they assaulted one another, our Gentleman seeing that those -who met them were but four, and he and his Company were three, did not -question but he might have the better on it, or at least defend himself, -and therefore being perfectly valiant, he so prosecuted one of the two -who assaulted him that he laid him at his feet; the rest thinking that -those two who assaulted him would have performed their Enterprize well -enough had hitherto only plaid with one another, in clashing of their -swords, but now seeing one of their Companions fall, and doubting more -mischief, they all four, as well those whom he thought were his friends -as those whom he knew to be his Assaylants, left their jest and fell all -upon him in earnest, and he being thus over-match’d, was soon kill’d. -The Rogues who were left alive, seeing him, and one of the Companions -dead, knew not what resolution to take, but after a short consultation, -they resolved to carry off their dead Companion, and leave the other -there; but the two who were his Companions, fearing he might be known -before they had finished their Project, and they might be prevented; -they therefore drew their Knives, and like bloody Butchers fley’d all -the skin from the poor Gentlemans face, and so taking the Key of his -Trunk out of his pocket, and all his Letters, that they might leave -nothing about him to cause him to be known; they and their Companions -parted: the two Rogues went home to their Lodging; where when they were -let in, they were asked where the Gentleman their Companion was? they -reply’d, they left him presently after they went out; and this answer -serv’d for the present: they then went into their own Chamber, but soon -after with their false Key they got into his, and opening his Trunk they -took out all his money, and lock’d it up in a Trunk in their own -Chamber; and this being done, they went to Bed: The next morning they -went out, and carried the money with them to the place where all their -other Treasure lay; returning again, intended to get away all their -other things that were of any value, in the Trunk; purposing to be gone, -and leave that behind them, for they knew it would cause suspition if -they remov’d Trunk and all, so suddenly; in their removal of their -money, they had carelessly left their counterfeit-key of the Gentlemans -Chamber-door in their Chamber-window, wherefore the Landlord coming in -there, and seeing a Key, which although it was new yet he believed he -had seen it, or one like it; he therefore comparing some other Keys with -that, found that it was like the Key of the Gentlemans Chamber-door; he -therefore try’d it, and found that it would open it as well as the -other: he was in some kind of amaze to think of this, and the Gentleman -not coming home, he began to suspect that all was not well: About noon -he went in again into the Gentlemans Chamber, and knowing that he had -lately received a considerable Sum of money, which he believ’d he had -put in his Trunk, he therefore lifted up the Trunk in his hand to poize -it, and feel if it were heavy; but it was light enough; they having -already taken out all the money; he having set it down again saw lying -by it a pocket-handkerchief, which, he being now grown curious, -dilligently looked for the Marks of it, which he found not to be marked -with the two Letters of the Gentlemans name, but two others, which were -the name of one of the others: These things raised further scruples in -his minde, wherfore he was resolv’d to observe his two Guests with a -more curious eye; and one of them soon after returning, he watch’d him, -and saw that he went to his Trunk, and made up a Bundle which he carried -out; no sooner was he gone out, but he heard the report which had gone -about the Town all that day; that a Gentleman in such a place was -barbarously murthered, and was so much a Stranger that no body knew him; -the Landlord hearing this, his heart leap’d and he was in a very great -perplexity, so that he could hardly stand on his leggs; so soon as he -was come to himself he took a Neighbour with him, and went to the place -where the Gentleman lay murthered: It was to no purpose to think to know -him by his face, for that was quite disfigured; his skin being fley’d -off; but although his Cloathes were bloody, yet he could by them know -that it was his Guest, who lay there murthered; he then told his -Neighbour what were his thoughts, and withal, that he believ’d he knew -the Murderers, and thereupon having acquainted him with all his Doubts -and Jealousies of his two other Guests; he and his Neighbour both were -of the oppinion that they had hand in this Murther, and therefore they -hasted home to see what might be further discovered; Just as they came -in, one of the two went out with a bundle under his arm, which the -Landlord seeing, he caused one to follow him, and dilligently to observe -all he did. He that was sent was so careful, that he soon after -returned, and told him, that certainly there was some matter of great -consequence between his two Guests, and three others, who were dividing -and telling of moneys, and he heard one of the two say; that now all was -well, for he had brought off every thing, and intended to go no more; -where are they? said the Landlord; they are at such a house, naming it, -said the Messenger: but I followed your Guest to another place first, -where he left the parcel he carried out, and waiting some time, he came -out of that house, which was a private house; and went to the other, -which was a Victualing-house; I, said he, following him thither, was -permitted to go in there, as he did, to drink; he went to his -Companions, and I took a Room next adjoyning; where I heard, said he, -what I have told you, and several other discourses, which makes me -think, that these persons have lately been upon some Design; but what, I -cannot at present imagine. But I can, reply’d the Landlord, I doubt, -what I have imagined is true; wherefore Neighbours, said he, what is -best to be done? I pray advise me; they told him the best advice they -could give him was to go to the Magistrate, and acquaint him with what -had happened; he did so, and they at his request went with him; being -come before the Magistrate, the Landlord told him, that not long since a -Gentleman came to his house to lodge, and soon after him, two more who -being well acquainted together, went out (said he) to supper; the two -returned home; but it was somewhat late, and the third not coming home, -raised in me some suspition, which hath fallen out too true; for, said -he, the poor Gentleman is barbarously murdered, and lies in such a -place, I have been to see him, but, although I cannot know him by his -face; for they have fley’d off the skin, yet I believe it is he by his -Cloathes; and, continued he, I very much suspect my other two Guests are -guilty of the murther, for I have found a false Key of the Gentlemans -Chamber-door in their Chamber: and so he proceeded in telling the -Justice all the particular observations he, and the person he had Sent, -had made: the Justice was of their oppinion, that these two men had -murthered the third; and therefore sending for Officers, and a Guard, -sent immediatly to the place where they were all together, and securing -them, they were brought before him, he examined them severally, and so -finding them in Several Tales, he gathered so much from their -Examinations and Confessions, that he found them guilty; and then being -inform’d that one of them had left a parcel at a private house; he -caused that place to be search’d, and there was found a great deal of -wealth and goods; there was the Merchants Silks; the Drapers Cloth; the -Challices, and other Church utensils, and the two Fryars weeds, and much -other goods, Commodities, and Disguises; all which was seized on, and -the report of this murder, and the other particulars, running about the -City, it came to the ears of the Merchant and Draper, and many others -who had been lately robb’d; and they coming, knew and owned their Goods. -Our Rogues who were now fast enough for commiting any more Roguries, and -seeing that they were discovered, for they were told of all things that -had hapned; now saw it was to no purpose to deny those several facts -that would be too plainly proved against them; wherefore they confess’d -all this that I have told you of, and several murders they have -committed, among others that of the two poor Fryars; and robbing the -Church, wherefore the Parson, and the Church-wardens of that Parish -hearing of this confession, came to _Paris_, and the Felons executed, -they and the Merchant, and Draper, and all others whom they had robb’d -of any thing, had their goods returned them; and thus said the -Gentleman, was the end of these wretches; and I came to be thus -particularly acquainted with this story, because when I was at _Paris_, -I lodg’d at the same house where they had done, and my Landlord -acquainted me with all these particulars. - -The Gentleman having finish’d his discourse, said Mistress _Mary_, I -told him that these two were cruel, and bloody minded Thieves, and that -I did not care for hearing any such stories, for that I was much -troubled, and methought sensibly concerned in his relation; he replyed, -that indeed this was bloody and horrible, but that it was usual to have -such murthers committed in _Paris_; and that very frequently, and -continued he, both the Thieves and Pick-pockets, are far more cruel and -bold than in _England_; and although I have given you examples of both, -yet I could tell you many more, and enlarge very much upon this Subject, -for it is usual for Pick-pockets there, to perform their work in an -extraordinary manner, for they are furnished with Arms, and Hands made -with Wax or Wood; and by vertue of these, they will frequently and -without suspition, pick pockets in the Church; for they will hold two -hands with a true Arm, and a false one, that is an Arm of Wax or Wood -up, and in their hands they will hold a book and seem to be busily -employ’d in turning over leaves, at their Devotions, when as the third -Arm and hand is picking of pockets; and People standing by, nay, the -Parson himself whose pocket is pick’d, will have very little cause to -suspect him that does it: also if they get a man out of the way, and are -minded to rob him, they will put a piece of Iron or Brass into his -mouth, like unto a Pear, which they call a _Choak-pear_; and that -properly enough; for the party who hath it in his mouth, endeavouring to -get it out cannot, for there being a Spring within it which forceth it -open, it is impossible to get it out without a Key to it, which they -have; therefore they who put this Choak-pear into the mouths of any, -after they are first robb’d of what they have about them, they are told, -if they intend to be rid of that Pear, they must go and fetch more mony, -which they must bring to a place they appoint, or else they are like to -chew upon the Pear, without any other Victuals, which is like to be hard -Dyet to them. But continued he, I shall tell you one of these wax or -wooden-handed-fellows, and so conclude. - -A Gentleman having had his pocket several times pick’d of moneys and -Watches, was much troubled and resolv’d if possible to find out, and -catch one Pick-pocket that should pay for all; wherefore he advises with -a Smith, an ingenious fellow of that quality, to make him a band of Iron -or Steel, with some prickles about the side of his pocket, and a spring -towards the bottom, which when it should be touch’d, would cause the -band of Iron or Steel, at the top to close together, so that if a -Pick-pocket should come there, it would catch and hold him fast by the -hand: this he had made to his desire, and then he went to the next -Assembly, which was at a tryal of causes, and it was not long e’re his -project took; he heard his Engine discharge, and the fowl was caught; he -knew which Pocket it was, and therefore lookt on that side one stood -with hat off, and both his hands were upon his Hat, which were held up -as high as his face; he therefore wondring whose hand he had caught, and -seeing the man in that posture, doubted that his Engine had deceived -him, and had given false fire, but putting his hand towards his pocket -he found a hand there, which was in vain strugling to get out; wherefore -that he might know who this hand belonged to, he got out of the press of -people, and the man who held his Hat in that posture went with him; when -they were gone a little to the one side, the poor fellow cryed out; I -pray Sir, let me have my hand; how! replyed the Gentleman, I see you -have two already, and therefore if you have a third, you may well spare -me that to guard my pocket for the future: the fellow saw that he was -caught, and therefore replyed to the Gentleman; truly Sir, it is but a -tryal of skil, a new invention, and I hope you will not be angry with a -piece of ingenuity; but if you are, rather than fail, if you please to -let me go, and not discover me, ile give you any satisfaction; what -security shall I have for that said the Gentleman? all that I can give, -said the Diver; and thereupon he drew out a purse of money from his own -pocket, which it is like had an another owner but lately, but now it -helped to make his composition, for the Gentle-man and Pick-pocket going -to the Tavern they clapt up an agreement; he not only receiving -satisfaction for what he had formerly lost, but also discovered to him -the Nature, Use, and quality of a Wooden hand. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAP. XX. - -_Mistress_ Mary _continues the story of the young Gentleman; relates how - a Cheat (with two more) pretending to be a Countrey man, performed a - very profitable but most comical exploit on a Shop keeper; she is - interrupted by the Arrival of her comrades;_ Meriton Lattroon _enters - into a Pleasant Dialogue with her; his_ Indian _wife falls in love - with Mistress_ Mary _and Mistress_ Dorothy, _disguis’d in mans - apparel: and a pleasant Adventure there upon._ - - -Thus (said Mistress _Mary_) did the Gentleman discourse of the _French_ -manner of Thieving and Cheating, which was after a more confident and -bold manner than that of our Countrey-men; and their manner of picking -pockets was, I told him a great Novelty; he replyed that he could relate -many such tricks that were done at his being there; two more whereof, -continued he, I will tell you, and so conclude. - -Three Cheats intending a piece of roguery, had aparelled themselves like -Countrey-men; and two sauntring in the Street, one of the other went -into a Shop-keeper, whom they saw was alone in his Shop, and tells him -that he was a Countrey-man, and had born all offices in the Parish where -he liv’d: and was now Church-warden, and that he was come to Town to lay -out a little money for the use of the Parish; but more especially to buy -a Cope for the Parson; and, said he, I would buy a good one though it -cost me the more money: and thereupon fetch’d several and shew’d him: he -turn’d many of them over, but still desired to see better, at length one -was brought which he seemed to like: but, said he to the Shop-keeper, I -doubt it is too short: no, said the Shop-keeper, it is long enough of -all conscience, and thereupon measured it upon the Country-man: who -said, I cannot tell by this measuring, whether it be long enough or no: -but our Parson is a man much about your pitch, and therefore I pray do -you put it on, and I shall be better satisfied, the Shop-keeper to -satisfie his Customer, did so; and our cheating Church-warden did -assist, and help him to put it on; but in doing it, he clapt his hand -into the Shop-keepers pocket, and drew from thence a purse of money, the -Shop keeper perceiv’d it, and caught hold of his Customer, but he -slipping out of his hand, shew’d him a fair pair of heels, and the -Shop-keeper without putting off the Cope followed him; in the mean time -the other two of our cheats Companions acted their parts, for the one -went into the shop, and taking the next bundle of goods that came to -hand went away, and the third doubting that if the Shop-keeper kept his -pace he might overtake his Companion whom he pursued; he therefore -having plac’d himself in the way on purpose, catches hold on the -Shop-keeper, and sayes, O Lord Master Doctor! what makes you thus -distracted? as to run in the streets in this unseemly manner: the -Shop-keeper told him that he was mistaken, he was no Parson, and that he -was in pursuit of a fellow that robb’d him; by this time our Cheat who -was pursued, had turned a corner of a Street, and was out of sight; and -the Neighbors coming out to see what was the matter, perswaded the -Shop-keeper to go home again and put off that Garment, and then go look -for the Cheater; he did so, but there he found that he had a second -loss, which made him more angry than before, especially when he -considered that he was without all remedy, not being able to discover -who they were that had shown him this clenly conveyance. - -Another time said the Gentleman, a couple of these bold rogues -understanding that a Gentle-man was newly come from travel; and having -enquired into and been acquainted with many particulars in his Journey, -were resolved to get money out of him; and therefore waiting a time and -place convenient, and seeing him walking with another Gentleman, one of -these bold rogues thus accosts him: Sir, your very humble servant, I am -very joyful to see you after your return; although you have travelled -several Countries since I saw you last, yet you are not one jot alter’d: -but you are, replyed briskly the Gentleman, if ever I saw you before, -for to the best of my remembrance this is the first time: I shall bring -you, reply’d the Confident, to be of another mind when I tell you that -my name is _Mounsieur Brisack_, and that you and I travell’d many a mile -together, and were very merry at such and such places, naming them; I -hope Sir, continued he, that you do remember that we staid three dayes -at such a place, and then departed, having very bad way, and a tedious -Journey to such a place, still naming the places, and there we met with -such and such Gentlemen, who continued in our companies a fortnight, all -the while we staid there; and we came to such and such a place. All this -reply’d the Gentleman, and all those Persons I very well remember; but -indeed _Mounsieur Brisack_, if your name be so, I do not at all remember -you; but since you give me so good an account of my Journey, I must -needs believe you to be acquainted with me in those parts; and since you -are so, I pray how doth _Mounsieur Langone_? very well, reply’d our -Cheat; he intends to be here in short time, and then I will bring him to -you that we may renew our acquaintance: I shall be glad of the -opportunity, reply’d the Gentleman, and so good _Mounsieur Brisack_, -said he, till then I shall be your humble Servant; yours Sir, reply’d -the Cheat; but I pray, Sir, do you now remember me? yes, yes, reply’d -the Gentleman; then I hope reply’d the Cheat, you will also remember -that I did you a small courtsie in the time of our acquaintance; what -was it? said the Gentleman, that I may acknowledge it; and thank you; no -great matter, Sir, said the Cheat, it was but a friendly office, we -ought to do so for one another at such a distance; I do not understand -you, said the Gentleman; you are very forgetful, said the Cheat, but I -hope that as now you remember me, so you will remember to pay me that -little money you borrowed of me at such a place; I know nothing of it, -reply’d the Gentleman; I lent it to you replyed the Cheat, by the same -token, that your Horse was taken lame in one legg, and you were forc’d -to leave him behind you, and take another: truly, replyed the Gentleman, -the token is good, but I do not remember the other matter; but I hope -you will, reply’d the Cheat, and pay me for your Credit-sake before it -comes to the hearing of our Fellow-travellers; how much do you say it -was, reply’d the Gentleman; but twenty Crowns, a small sum, and soon -paid; I know you are not without so much money about you, and if you -please to pay it me now, it will do me as great a kindness in receiving -it now, as it did you when I lent it; well replyed the Gent. if it be -so, when _Mounsieur Langone_ returns I will pay you, which you say will -be in short time; I hope Sir, replyed the Cheat, you will not injure me -so much as to put me to stay so long, when you promised me to pay it at -our next meeting, and besides, Sir, it will not be for your Credit to -let him or any of our Fellow Travellers know that you boggle at the -payment of such a driblet as twenty Crowns: and thus did he importune -the Gentle-man for payment, by telling him that he had now acknowledged -it before witness, and that if he would not quietly pay, he would compel -him to it: so that the Gentleman to purchase his quiet gave him what he -demanded, lest, as he said, he should shame him. - -Whilst Mistress _Mary_ was busied in the recital of what was afore -delivered, and intending to have proceeded in the same discourse; she -was interrupted by the return of the Captain, _Drugster_, and -_Scrivener_, and _Gregory_; and her looks and colour discovered to the -Capt. that she had play’d the extravagant in the use of that liberty & -freedom which he freely gave her, and could not contain himself from -expressing some resentments thereof: and addressing his discourse to me -in a fleering manner, come Master _Meriton Latroon_ (said he) I shall -know you better by degrees, and do fear I shall find you too much guilty -of the humour of the _Turks_ and _Italians_, who unaturally delight in -the society of young men: they are pretty Smock-fac’d Lads, how do you -like them, Sir, if you could procure a change of their Sex, would not -either of them serve for fine play-fellows. - -I think (said I) they are best as they are, without any change; nay, -with your pardon, good Captain, I know it an undeniable truth, which -your own frequent experience doth, or must acknowledge; their unsuitable -habits, I confess at first muffled up, or quite darkned all former -knowledge of them: but you must excuse them, if they did unmask -themselves to be known to one, they once preferred before their own -safeties and reputations. Your sweet _William_ was once my little wanton -_Mally_, whom with many more, I first beguiled by hiring my self in -womans apparel, as a Servant maid in a boarding School. This other whom -you call _George_, was a Country-girl, whose beauty and good feature -disarm’d me in the road, as I went on the Pad, and although I had never -seen her till then, I was so passionately in love with her, that I never -rested till I had obtained my desires on her, which effected, I -ungreatfully left her. - -This said the Captain, is a thing I was wholly ignorant of till now, -although from our friend _Gregory_ I have been informed of the most -remarkable passages of your life: such wonderful and unheard of -transactions in one man’s life, that in his relation I thought him -reading to me some Legend of incredibilities. - -I replyed that I had reserved this secret with some others, to be -discovered as occasion should serve, and that in time, nothing should be -hid from him. And now Sir, said I, you nor the rest of your friends must -not entertain a jealousie that I participate and share with them in your -Mistress’s affections; to be plain if your belief of that raise in you -any anger or revenge, you will discover thereby your folly most -egregiously; for can you expect a constancy from such, who know they -cannot live, but by being inconstant; they are like such who are upon a -trading Voyage, it is not one Port, but a great many that makes up their -market; neither are they like some Merchants who particularly trade to -one place, as to _Guiney_, _Hambrough_, &c. They are generally trucking, -or vending their commodities through the Universe: _Mal_, said I, you -must not be angry that I thus plainly and boldly disclose the naked -truth; pray on, Sir, said she; I shall exercise my patience in hearing -your rallery, but I pray tell me when you are out of breath, that I may -inform you of the infirmities and frailties that belong to your more -noble Sex, and spare not ours; you will not be so unjust to deny me that -liberty you take your self; a match, quoth I, and therefore I shall -proceed. When you were but fourteen, you began like a Nut to grow brown -at bottom, which you know will then drop or fall of it self, or I might -more properly compare you to forward Summer fruit, which proves mellow -in the non-age of the spring, but rotts by too soon falling, when more -sollid fruit shall deny the nipping frosts of an approaching Winter. -There is a _Queen-apple_, and a _Bitter-sweet_ so call’d, you resemble -the one in the lovely colour, the other in the distasteful _Gusto_: but -since I speak of fruit, the most common resemblance is a _Medlar_, which -is never good till rotten; such are you, never finer drest than in your -winding sheet. Several of your Sex when married are but a parcel of -_Crab trees_, wall’d in at a great charge. As for thy part, thou art -like a honeycomb with a Bee in it, which infallibly stings him that -tastes thereof: to be short, ye have fair tongues and false hearts; fine -faces, but foul Consciences; pride prompts ye to all manner of -prodigality, and lust leads ye to that loosness, which ruinates -thousands in the destruction of yourselves. To conclude, I could love -thee, but that thou art female, and would never have married, but that I -thought it best expedient to bring me to repentance. Now Sir said she, I -believe it is my time to speak, for I find by your straining, you are -very needy; you have but little water left by the sucking of your Pump; -I see where your plot lies clearly, by undervaluing me and our Sex, you -would put our friends out of conceit with us and others, that you might -make a Monopoly of our Sex; be advised Sir, your Patent will not be -worth the procuring, if we are so variable and wavering, as you would -falsly make the world believe, you have Marshall’d up a fair company of -Metaphors, that your wit might flutter in our disparagement. Our sailing -from port to port to advance our profit, is not so discomendable as you -would have it, since it is rather our misfortune to meet with such -Bank-rupts, Broken-merchants, who have neither stock nor credit to -barter with us for our wares. Surely your wit is mightily improv’d -(since your poor Poetry you writ to my friend _Doll_, which she related -to me was almost all the reward she had for her lost Virginity) it skipt -so nimbly from Pole to Pole, from Sea to Land, to fetch a Lean starvelin -of a conceit, and that was the comparing of us to ripe Nutts, or Nutts -brown at bottom as you well know; for all we are slip-shell’d were it -not for truanting-waggs who rushing into our Thickets shake us down; we -might hang long enough, not like your Crack-ropes: and for your likening -us to fruit soon ripe, and as soon rotten, I dare confidently aver that -we might remain a long time on the tree, did not such unhappy Boys as -you are throw stones at us. Lastly, you say our sweets are accompanyed -with stings, I know not what you mean, but I am sure you stung this -Gentlewoman and my self in that manner that the swelling lasted nine -moneths, and by a Mid-wife was at last delivered of our pain. To -conclude, with what force can you condemn us for inconstancy? when every -new face you see shall change your affection, variety shall be as so -many winds to blow your amorous pretences to more points than are -contained within a Compass, and when you have had, after a long Seige, -the Town (you sate down before) surrendered, you fall a plundring -instantly, and it may be, after this, ingratefully set the Garrison on -fire; if not, at leastwise curse the time and money you spent in your -Conquest, throwing it off as a thing not worth the managing and keeping: -No more (dear _Mall_, said I,) no more, what hitherto I have express’d, -was but a tryal of thy wit, which since I find so pregnant, thy better -parts, thy mind, I will endeavour to enjoy hereafter. - -All the Company was greatly pleas’d with our Drollery, and now said I, -Gentlemen, without trifling the time away too much, since we know one -the others past lives, and present intentions; let us enter into a -serious consultation, how we may advantage each others interest here, in -order elsewhere. Although you, Sir (speaking to the Captain) have been -in these parts twice or thrice before, yet I question not but the -knowledge I have of this Country will prove as serviceable to our -design, as any others that have been here a longer time besides the -advantage of my projections; the Captain with all the rest readily -consented to be advised with me in every thing, as giving me the -priority in all manner of Roguery. Gentlemen, said I, the love I bear my -own Countrey (although all Countries indeed, should not be such -strangers to us, as not to make them absolutely our own, when necessity -compels us thereunto) I say, having a longing desire to see _Europe_, -and return for _England_, having now gotten something considerable for a -future maintenance, I shall make it my whole business to take up what -commodities I can on trust, and with what I have, and my self, I resolve -to accompany you homewards; and that I may be the better wellcome among -you, I will be assistant to you in the buying your commodities, and -procuring you a credit withal. - -These proposals commanded both their thanks and embraces, and to work we -went immediately. But before I proceed to tell you how, and in what -manner we enrich’d our selves by cheating and deceiving the Countrey: I -must give you an account, that my she-black divil, my wife, had a -moneths mind to no less than a brace of white _Josephs_, I mean my two -Girls in mans apparrel; I confess the temptation was great enough to -have deluded any other woman of more Christian principles; when I heard -of it, I thought I should have dyed by the excess of laughter, and that -I might have the more sport, I ordered my two Females not to -discountenance her amorous desires. I have heretofore inform’d you that -she was for feature and stature as handsome, and as proper as most -_Europeans_, and had a natural genius, her Sex is not ordinarily endued -withal: in the time of my living with her, I had taken considerable -pains to teach her _English_ of which she hath a competent understanding -and utterance. Seeing me go very gentile and gallant, she disserted her -own Country fashion, and thought herself obliged to be cloathed in mine, -which I condescended to, not so much to please my eye, as to sport my -fancy, for they became her as well as a Hat and Feather, Sword and Belt, -with a Red-coat would become a _Jack-an-apes_ riding before the Bears. - -We had not many _English_-women among us, however she imitated every one -of them in some thing or other, so that she seemed when drest to have -borrowed of at least twenty women, and those Habiliments look’d as if -they had been thrown on her with a pitchfork. She being extreemly -smitten in love with these 2 handsome young men, as she thought them, -began now to be less careless in her dress, but what disorders she -endeavoured to rectifie and amend, she made a thousand times worse; she -consulted her glass, and imagining her face was not naturally fair -enough, that is, not black (for blackness is esteem’d by them as beauty, -and tawniness the contrary) I say to correct that natural defect by Art, -she got some Lamp black, or some thing like it, by which paint she -resolved to be devilish fair. - -I wondred to see my pretty sweetings face, all of a sudden so strangely -chang’d, but I concerning my self but little with her, never demanded -how it came, but according to my usual Custome went to bed, and not long -after my wife followed me: I had drank very excessively that day, by -which means I slept profoundly and was not sensible what her petulancy -prompt’d her to when I was asleep; but certain I am, she did so all to -bekiss me, and so rubb’d the black paint off her face upon mine, that -none could tell which was the blacker of the two in the morning when I -arose. - -I got not out of bed till an hour after all the rest of the People in -the house were up, and staying somewhat longer above than I usually did, -she came up into the Chamber, and perceiving my face to be black, she -was at a stand, not knowing what to say, or do; but at length concluded -(as she confess’d afterwards) that her God was angry with her for loving -any other white besides her Husband, and therefore had taken away his -white face, and had given him a black one in the room: she retired down -with much more reverance than usual, and was so amazed, that she spake -not a word to any below. The Captain and his friends, with several of my -own acquaintance were attending my coming down, who seeing my face thus -discoloured, knew me not, yet knew my voice and clothes, and though I -bid them good morrow, they returned me not the like civilty, but instead -thereof, ask’d me whether I was not an impudent fellow to counterfeit -another voice and wear his clothes? Gentlemen said I, are ye all mad, or -have ye eyes that ye dare own? I am the man I was the last night I am -very certain; you may have the same body, said the Captain, but the foul -Fiend stole away thy head last night for being drunk, and left his own -in its room; hereupon a Looking-glass was fetcht, and put it into my -hands, but I no sooner saw my face in it, but it dropt out of my hands -breaking all in pieces, and with the amazement of this sudden -alteration, I was just ready to expire; now did all my former roguries -come fresh into my memory, believing that they, with what I was now -about to act, had rode poste to the Devil to inform him what I was; that -he was come to fetch me away alive, and that he had lent me this hellish -face, that I might be the fitter for his company in his Journey -homeward. - -The Company seeing me stand so like a changeling, could not forbear -laughing till they held their sides, at length one of them came, and -with a wet cloth rubbing my face, restored it me again, I could not -imagine who should serve me this trick, or how it should be done, but at -last recollecting my thoughts, I remembred that my wife of late seemed -to me to be more than usually black; whereupon I call’d her to me, and -with the same cloth I made her blackness vanish too. She perceiving I -was inflam’d with rage and fury, fell upon her knees, and begging my -pardon, she told me every circumstance of what she had done and -design’d, concealing her real contrivance; that she had painted her face -in that manner to increase my love, she said, and that in kissing me and -laying her face to mine, (not imagining the black would come off) she -had thus discoloured my face, and would never do so again: I was so far -from being Angry with her, that I could not forbear laughing heartily, -which renewed the like in my friends; however I charged her never to -make herself fairer than she was again, and if I found her pride extend -that way, I would devest her and reduce her to the Clout, it being all -the clothes the _indians_ wear, an insignificant fore covering; this -troubled her more than if I should have gashed her flesh and fill’d the -wound with salt, a punishment frequently used among them. -Notwithstanding the ill success of her first project, yet she was -resolv’d to prosecute her love but which she loved best, she could not -tell, if there had been an half dozen more, she had room enough in her -breasts to entertain them, and had affection to have scattered -plentifully among them all. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAP. XXI. - -Latroon’s _Wife prosecutes her love, the manner of her extravagant - Horse-courtship, inviting them to a bowl of Punch, she forc’d them to - the Squeak, is discovered in her amours by her Husband and would have - poysoned her self to escape his anger._ Latroon _brings his new - Comrades into the acquaintance of the_ Bannian, _whom by feasting him - aboard and ashore, they make their friend in their knavish Design._ - - -My Wife was none of those puling, whining, lovers, who not obtaining -their desires, presently exclaim against the injustice of Heaven in not -granting their wishes, and growing sullen to make amends for their -Blasphemy, hang themselves, or cut their own throats. She had a certain -way of Court-ship peculiar to herself, and a kind of Horse-play in her -kissing, which was so strong and eager: that you must have a special -care she did not beat some of your teeth down your throat; her embraces -were as soft as a Bears, I think fully as strong, she hath made me -sometimes in a merry humour, cry Oh: and therefore I cannot see how -these striplings will escape with life should they be encirkled in her -arms. - -What kind of Rhetorick she used to perswade them with, I am not yet -acquainted, but I understand she boarded them both at once and put them -to the squeak, without uttering a word, and had not they fled for it, -she had ransacked their carcasses to have tryed their Manhood, this made -them ever after shun being alone with her, which made her so mad, that -when she hath seen them in company, if by any means she could come at -them, she would have pinch’d them by the arms, or else where, her -fingers being as bad as a pair of pincers. She was ignorant of the way -of winning them by Presents, or the subtle insinuation of fine words, -varnished with love and Service; she was downright with them, if they -would not love her, she would see whether she could make them; but that -not doing, she was resolv’d to try whether drunkenness would operate any -thing upon them. Whilst I and my new Associates were gone abroad to -hasten our purposes of marching off together, she had prepar’d a Bowl of -Punch, with other excellent Liquors, not omitting several Dishes of -Sweetmeats; she strained her self at that time to the utmost to express -her civillity and kindness, drinking often to them till at last she -perceiv’d that the strength of those several Liquors they drank had -elevated them; then did she in as good _English_ as she was Mistress of, -tell them that she lov’d them, and they must love her, that she had -never seen such pretty white men before, with that she caught one of -them about the neck, the other fearing they should be now discovered, -indeavored to assist her Comrade, and struggled to disengage her hands -from about her neck, but she being too strong, would not disengage her -hold, but by main strength brought them both down to the ground together -with her; just as my business calling me home, I entred the Room wherein -I found my Spouse at _Tantum Scantum_ with the two supposed young-men, -tumbling all together promiscuously: I knew they could not if they -would, and would not if they could make me a Cuckold, therefore I had no -cause to be angry with any, but my Christian Infidel, and yet I had but -little reason to be so with her, considering the brutishness of her -nature, and barbarousness of her education: however so sensible she was -of the injury she design’d to do me, that taking a Dagger out of her -pocket, which she mightily delighted to carry always about her, she -would have stabb’d her self, had I not prevented her, by forcing it out -of her hands. I saw nothing but distruction and distraction in her eyes, -and therefore, watcht her narrowly she would not mischief her self, or -any else; she seeing that seem’d better compos’d, and stepping aside -drawing a small Box out of her pocket, which she always made her _Vade -mecum_, and was fill’d with the rankest poyson, she conveyed some of it -into a Cup, and offer’d to drink to me, which she would have done, had I -not dasht it out of her hand: she seeing me so careful of her -preservation, imagined I had no evil will against her, she fell upon her -knees again, and begg’d of me that I would kill her, for she deserv’d -it, or take for my satisfaction as many wives as I pleas’d into the -house, and she would not be offended at it in the least; I told her I -would have no more wives than she, and that I would forgive her this -time, so she would never do the like again. - -She now trebled her diligence at home, whilst I exercised my wit abroad, -among the _Bannians_ I invited one of the principal of them home to a -treat, a man of vast sway, and great credit in the Country; and having -acquainted my new Correspondents, or fellow Conspirators of the time of -our meeting, I ordered them to appear as splendidly as they could, -according to the Custome of the Country; and to be noble in their -expences, all which they performed so well, that they gain’d a great -esteem with the _Bannian_; Moreover I informed him privatly; that the -Captain (though an Interloper) was resolv’d not to be behind hand in the -lading his Ship homeward, with the best Factor in the company, having -Gold enough for that purpose, and that those young men that accompanied -him to the _indies_ were the sons of _English_ Lords, that had brought -with them great store of Gold to see this Country, and lay it out in the -Commodities thereof: he hearkened to me with much attention, and having -always had a very good oppinion for me, believ’d what I said to be no -less than truth, and therefore desired me that I would perswade them -that he might negotiate their Affairs for them; this was the thing I -desired, which I should have offer’d him, had he not so happily -prevented me by his own voluntary motion, and to encourage his -willingness therein, I whispered the Captain in the ear aside, informing -him that the _Bannian_ was fully wrought upon, and that now he had not -need to fear fraught at half credit, as I shall mannage the matter, I -desired him to invite him abroad to morrow, and what friends he should -think to bring along with him, which accordingly he did; after that we -had been sufficiently merry together in my house, and though he was -somewhat elderly, yet he was a very comely old man, and had wit and heat -enough in him to play the Good-fellow: We had so liberally entertained -him (and had so fitted every thing to his humour, I knowing his humour -to a hair) that on his going away, he acknowledged infinite satisfaction -in that he had received, promising for these civilities his utmost -Service and Assistance; the Captain stopt him in his further -acknowledgments, by assuring him they were nothing to what he and the -Company intended for him, desiring him that he would favour them with -his Company abroad the next day; the _Bannian_ gratefully accepted the -proffer, for he was a person that lov’d dearly his belly, and therefore -the more willing and ready to accept our _English_ treatment, which he -knew was no niggardly one; but had he known what a stale purgation he -should have had after all his feasting, he would have sooner swallowed a -_Pagod_, than one single morsel. - -About noon I found the _Bannian_ at his own house, and telling him that -he was expected abroad, he made himself ready to go with me, in our way -thither we met with some of his most intimate friends, and some of mine, -those which I thought would further our design I singled out, and took -them along with us. The Captain had made ample provision for us, and -understanding from me that the _Bannian_ was obliged to abstain from -some sort of meat, he had to be sure provided none thereof; having -feasted with all the jollity imaginable, firing several pieces of -Ordinance according to Command; now Sir, said the Captain, that you -might know we come not into your company empty-handed, or that we will -take up any of your Goods and Commodities without paying you for them -according to contract, I will shew you something which shall be a Secret -to every body else, so unlocking a Chest, he shew’d them a great -quantity of his own Gold, and his Undertakers; if this be not enough, -see there of this friend of mine fifteen hundred pieces, and of that -mans there, five hundred, with a thousand more if occasion should serve. - -This made the _Bannian_ and his friends admire to see so great a -quantity of Gold, however he seem’d to take but little notice, only -saying, you have a great deal of money, Sir, and we have a great deal of -valuable Commodities, which you shall not want, but trust them to my -procurement for you, and you shall not fail in your expectation; he -spake _English_ good enough to let us understand, that he would be our -Servant to do our business, and the Merchant too, to credit us if we so -pleas’d. What Goods we took of him at first we paid him ready money -before delivered, and by degrees caus’d him to send some abroad, and -paid him three or four days after: And to the intent we might not be in -the least suspected for any knavery, I advised the Scrivener, Drugster, -and _Gregory_ (their Hanger-on) to give out they intended to stay in the -Country some considerable while, that what goods they bought, they would -send for _England_, when the Captain should return thither, and to -confirm the truth of this report, they built them an house, befitting -the entertainment of them, and the securing what Goods they should -procure by way of Merchandize, servants I procur’d them, such as I -thought would be for their turn, both Male and Female, but if they -intended to have their Victuals well drest, they must not expect the -Cookery from them; however they resolv’d to try the ability of their new -servants, who handled the matter so scurvily, that when it was brought -to Table, there was not one, but was of a different oppinion in giving a -name for what was brought before them, not knowing whether it was -boil’d, bak’d, broyl’d, or roasted; for the looks thereof seem’d to have -a touch of them all; so that it was concluded by all that the Proverb -was never better verifi’d than now; _God sends meat, and the Devil sends -Cooks_; and so any Stranger would have taken them, they being of his own -smoaky complexion. Wherefore to avoid these foul inconveniences of -sluttish feeding, it was agreed on, that _Mall_ (alias _William_) _Doll_ -(alias _George_) notwithstanding their Breeches, should officiate as -Cooks, their friends should be caterers, and their menials Skullions. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAP. XXII. - -Latroon _in order to his returning to_ Europe _gets a great deal of - Goods, most on credit; he suspects his wife of some villanous Design, - discovers her wicked inclination, and hints at the common cause of - Cuckoldry. She under pretence of loving visit poyson’d one of the - supposed young-men, and had like to have dispatcht the other, and - afterwards kills her self: her Assistant in this Murther was found not - far distant from_ Bantam _torn to pieces by wild Beasts, three days - after the Fact._ - - -In this Equipage our friends were in, whilst the Captain, and my self -were daily bringing in Grist to the Mill; the _Bannian_ according to his -promise, with speedy sedulity procur’d us what ever we desired, and to -encourage his Industry had daily (almost) encouragements for his quick -dispatch. Our business now ran on wheels, neither did the pleasures of -our new Houskeepers slacken in their carreer, they had every thing which -the Country afforded, and more, for they had two such matchless -_European_ girls, which all _India_ could not parallel, whose luster was -the brighter by reason of those dark and dusky foils which were always -near them. - -But damn’d be that cursed instrument that totally eclipst the light of -those two _Wandring stars_, which must ne’er shine more in our -Hemisphere. Who would have thought a wife, after so much penitence and -submission (being obsequious beyond imitation) should renew her revenge, -and prosecute it to death. It is true, the found me remiss in the -cooling of her amorous Heats, but that from the first I used her to, -that she might not expect it when it came, as a duty, but a courtesie, -or a very signal favour, by reason hereof the was void of frequent -expectation; had the been as white, and as lovely fair as any of my own -Country-women, I would have serv’d her in the like manner; if I intended -to make my wife absolutely my own. For in my time I have observ’d at -least an hundred Examples of this nature; Women, whom I am confident -might have ran the Race of their lives in the way of modesty and -honesty, had they not been chafed or over heated at first by the -ostentatious humour of their hot brained Bride-groome, striving to -out-do himself, that he might purchase the esteem of being a lusty man -excelling others in strength and vigour; but when the wife shall finde -the satisfaction of her desires dis-continued, she will be apt to think -her husband was too prodigal at first, and so became Natures -Spend-thrift, and now thinks of no other thing than how she shall be -supplyed by others. Others again are like some childish appetites, who -feeding on some excellent Dish, they never tasted of before, and being -exceeding pleasant, eat beyond measure, thinking themselves never to be -satisfied, so getting a surfeit, ever after loath what they lov’d, the -very sight thereof will even nauseate their stomachs. I say by stinting -my wife after this manner, she could not suspect that by rambling -abroad, I disappointed her expectations at home, since custom made her -believe me indifferently honest. But her revenge was grounded on the -Basis of equity, for since she was so far from being jealous, that she -allowed me to make use of others, she judged I could not in reason -dis-allow her the enjoyment of one or so, especially of my own -complexion. - -The removal of these two young men (as she supposed, and in that belief -courted them to her embraces) she verily believ’d was occasion’d by me, -and design’d that she might have no converse with them. Whilst they were -in sight of her, she pleas’d her self in viewing them, but being -depriv’d of that hourly happiness, she had not so much prudence as to -conceal the resentment of her loss, and the injury was done her by me, -but exprest (in her manner) to my very face things that carried with -them suspitions of a dangerous consequence. - -For the prevention thereof, I seemingly show’d much kindness unto her, -giving her a many good words, & granting her with all leave to visit -those two young-men, with this proviso, she would not wrong me, and all -this was to pacifie for the present, till I was ready to go from the -implacableness of of her revengful spirit, which is an Inmate properly -not onely in her, but in all the _Indians_ her Countrey people. She -seem’d hereat to be very well satisfied, but so impatient she was to -have a review of them, that she went from me immediately to them, at the -sight of them she represented her joy in so many antick shapes, and -formes, that all which were present burst out into a great fit of -laughter, which she construed in favour of her self, supposing from -hence, they were over-joy’d to see her; and what made her believe it the -more, was their welcoming her to their new house, in the best manner -they could, drinking to her so often (in the best liquors they had) till -she was half Sea-over; the heat of the PERSIAN-wine she drank, gave fire -to the old train, which should kindle the Magazine of Love, which lay -covert in the Cole-pit of her hellish lust; and now breaking like a -Hand-granado, the pieces of the shell could not fly faster than her arms -did about their necks, there was no warding them, so that they were -forc’d to submit to the cruelty of her over-powerful affection. But when -she insisted upon the complement thereof, they bade her then desist, for -they were resolv’d never to wrong her Husband in that nature, and -threatned her, that if she would not be civil, they would acquaint him -therewith. Hearing them menace her after that fashion, she retreated and -sate down at a distance, and seem’d somewhat pensive, but having spoke -some few words to a Black that past by her in the _Indian_ tongue (which -I would have understood had I been by) to which there was a sudden -reply; she seem’d to throw off her melancholly and re-assume her jolly -attempt, telling them that the next day she would come again, if they -would make as much of her as they had done then; they told her they -would. - -I visiting them that evening, they acquainted me how welcome they had -made my wife for my sake, how she had renew’d her love, and how -preposterously she had manag’d it; in recital thereof we had good sport -over a Bowl of Punch: to avoid the dangers of going home late I bade -them goodnight. In the morning early coming down I found one of their -female Slaves close in discourse with my wife, who seeing me vanished; I -suspecting nothing, went to the _Bannian_ about my business, and that -day we had so much business to do, that it was near night, before I -could visit our friends, to acquaint them what progress I had made -therein, and how near it was brought to consummation. But I had no -sooner entred the doors, but my ears were entertain’d with the doleful -groans of my two disguised _Amazons_, who lay upon a Matt on the ground, -foaming at mouth with the Scrivener & Drugster, & _Gregory_ attending -them, offering their utmost assistance, which was to little purpose, -since they were ignorant of what they ail’d; as soon as I saw them, I -knew they were poyson’d, having seen several in the like condition (a -common practice among them upon the least suspition of an injury -design’d, or an offence already receiv’d) but knew not what remedy to -apply, and whilst I was in consultation with myself what was best to do, -I saw _Malls_ teeth drop out of her head, and _Gregory_ going to raise -her head, the skin and hair with it came off in his hands like a -Perriwig, so did the hair of the other; so strong was the poyson -administred, that _Mall_ died in less than half an hour after the -reception thereof; but _Dorothy_ escaped ever to a miracle. - -This sad accident had like to have converted the house into a Bedlam, -for the three young men which had attended them in this disaster, were -so strongly distracted at the sight of what had happened, that I thought -the Devil had just then by a reentry took possession of them, or that -they had taken the same potion of Poyson, which was very near as bad; -believing it would work as subtlely and as nimbly on them as it had -already done, (_Principiis obsta_) I ran with might and main for some -Sallad-oyl, a Jarr where of I brought in the twinkling of an eye, Drink, -drink, said I, to them all, quickly, quickly, one after the other, as -fast as you can, which they did, not knowing any reason therefore, but -that I commanded them; having even gorg’d themselves with it, and being -not able to drink anymore, I poured it down their throats till I had -almost choak’d them, or rather drowned them therein, they cried out to -me, for the love of God to forbear, or I should kill them, judging me to -be mad indeed: as they were evacuating what they had too plentifully -received, the Captain whom I had left with the _Bannian_ to follow after -me, came in, who asking me what was the matter? I told him particularly. -He could not but shew something of trouble, but having been acquainted -with all sorts of losses and miseries from his Cradle in a manner by -traversing to and fro the Universe, he bore this with a patience -agreeable to his courage and Man-hood, and now our friends having -disembogu’d the Oyl that was within them, shew’d all the appearances of -perfect health; now seeing them in a condition to return an answer to -what questions I should propound to them, I ask’d what strangers they -had entertained at home to day? they reply’d, None; but, said _Gregory_, -let us first see whether a certain she-devil of ours be within, and then -I shall tell you what I have observed; upon this we search’d for her, -but could not find her, it seems the same Black I found in the morning -discoursing with my wife, when having done this execrable murder, by the -instigation of my other devil at home, was fled, as more plainly by and -by will appear. Said _Gregory_, not full an hour since; whilst we were -at the farther end of the house busied about our wares, Mistress _Mary_, -and Mistress _Dorothy_, commanded some wine to be brought them, which -was accordingly done by this female we now miss, and brought in a -midling Cocoa-nut bowl; they were just drinking the third time round, as -we came in, nay, now said _Mall_, my little merry _Grigg_, here’s to the -Mistress of thy affections, speaking to me, and drinking heartily, I -looking into the Bowl to see how much was left, this Black dasht the -Bowl out of my hand, and because there was but little in it, I judged it -onely to be an effect of her rude petulancy, and so did the rest, taking -no further notice. Presently our two friends grew extraordinary ill, and -though we were three to two yet they would have found work for as many -more had not death thus bound one of them hand and foot, and the other -seemingly dead for the present: I will lay my life, said I, I know where -there is another of the Conspirators, so taking the Captain with me -only, we made all the hast we could to my own house, and found by the -extraordinary number of people therein, that something more than -ordinary was the matter, and so there was, for my wife with her beloved -Dagger, had with one home stabb made a hole through her heart, wide -enough for half a score lives to go out a brest without jostling one the -other. - -I was not troubled to see her thus weltring in her own blood, but that -she had not liv’d to be punish’d suitable to the crime she committed, if -any punishment could be invented. The President of _Bantam_ hearing of -this horrid Murder, sent for me, to whom I gave an ample relation as I -could by information, or otherwise, who seemed very much concerned, and -immediately dispatcht several in the search of the Coadjutrix to the -Murderess, about three days afterwards they found (some ten miles -distant from _Bantam_) a female Carkcass, turn all to pieces, the limbs -thereof were gnawed in that manner, that there was little flesh upon the -bones, onely the head was untouch’d, and some of the company that had -seen her before, would have sworn it was the same, and therefore it was -agreed upon to carry it to the President, which they did, and presently -order’d to be fastned on a long Pole, for a future terror to such like -Malefactors, especially the Natives. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAP. XXIII. - -Latroon _and his Comrades about to leave_ Bantam _and go to_ Surrat, - _having done lading their Vessel, shew some tricks to prevent - suspition of marching off, He sets sail from thence and meets with an - Enemy, an account of a most desperate and horrible fight with him. He - gives you an exact account or journal of that Voyage from_ Bantam _to_ - Surrat. - - -Having buried our dead, we resolv’d upon a General Counsel, to see what -we had done, and what we had left undone. We found that half our ready -money was disburst, and that we had above half as much goods upon -Credit, as our whole sum amounted to, and now resolving to make a final -and speedy dispatch of all, I got all my Estate aboard not leaving any -thing valuable behind me, excepting only what was in the house for the -accommodation of my Guests, having an happy opportunity of conveying my -own Goods with the Captains, and others that were concern’d with us the -_Scrivener_, and the rest did the like. - -That very day that we intended to set sayl, we were all merry at my -house with the _Bannian_, and promising that the next day we would pay -him what was in arrears, and also lay out five hundred peices more ready -money; he seem’d highly pleas’d, leaving him, we shew’d our selves -through the whole Factory with much Gallantry. The reason that we did -not take in our whole loading in this Port, was the great number of -_Dutch_ Vessels which lately came into the road, and more daily -expected, which we knew would not only obstruct our Credit, but raise -the Commodities of that place. We were fain to scuffle hard among our -Country-men for what we had already, there being at that time at Anchor -in the harbour several ships. And having ready money pretty store we -resolved to take in the rest at _Surrat_, which place would secure us -well enough, and what we had deceitfully got. Having spent most part of -the day in shewing our selves in the Town, about Three of the Clock in -the afternoon, it being the fourteenth day of _July_, we got aboard, as -if we intended to feast it, for there was none of the whole Factory, or -our _Bannian_ especially would think us so indiscreet to set sayl with -half our fraught, that was my policy, and being unsuspected upon that -account we might with the greater facility and security march off. -Getting all our Anchors aboard in a trice, we loost our Sayls away we -steer’d between the Main and _Paulo pan jan_, all the next day till six -in the Evening, being then athwart the _South-salt-hill_, we steered -_South-west_ and by _west_, and _west_ and by _south_, but from that -hill we steer’d _west south west_, having the wind for the most part at -_East south east_ with much rain, which afflicted me grievously, for my -fears of some pursuing us would not let me quit the Decks till I thought -we were out of all danger in being followed. The sixteenth of this -moneth at noon we espy’d _Hippins_ Island _Eastward_ ten leagues off, -having steer’d all night _West south west_. Latitude about 6 Degrees 38 -and Longitude from _South-salt-hil_ 6 Degrees 44 _West_, the wind at -_south-east_ with the help of a Currant for twenty four hours, from the -sixteenth to the twenty ninth of this month, we had the winds between -the _south-east_, and _east north east_, with most intolerable rains at -Noon, being in latitude 11 degrees 59 _south_, and longitude 20 Degrees -35 _West_, the variation about 12 Degrees 35 _Westerly_; we sailed this -month on several Courses, four hundred ninty six miles. - -Mistress _Dorothy_ being indifferently well recovered though a bad -spectacle to look on by reason of the skin of her body all coming off -with her nails, such was the malignity of the Venome; I say, speaking as -well as she could, desired me to write some lines on her dearly beloved -dead Comrade, knowing that my fancy did ever incline to measure lines, -and so to please my self, more than to give her satisfaction, I composed -these Verses. - - - On the death of his _Indian_ wife, and his old - Wench. - - _Start not my_ Muse, _what Paradox is this, - That the same cause works both my Woe and Bliss? - Here lies my bliss, a more than brutish Wife, - By her own Butch’ring hands bereft of life. - My Woe lies here, my murder’d Joy, Alas! - What_ Wicked hand _durst bring this_ Ill _to pass_? - Hells consistory _sate within that brest, - Which sent my_ Love _to her Eternal rest. - How happy had I been, had the_ Blest Powers, - _Enlarg’d her_ Minutes, _and have made them_ Hours. - _Turn’d these short hours into long days, that I - Might dread_ Deaths _approach, when she should dye. - But she is gone past all recal; and we - Can only weep and sigh her Elegie. - Though we don’t mourn she can no_ Mourners _lack, - Each_ Nature _is at her sad death in_ Black, - _Methinks they’re hoarse with crying, and their votes - (Being sad, and doleful) do befit their_ Coats. - _The_ Clouds _dropt tears; the_ Ayry-Quire _(which flies - Over our heads) do sing her_ Obsequies. - _Shall we be dumb, whilst Birds do use their Art? - No let’s in Sorrow bear with them a part, - When that y’ve done for_ Mall, _bereft of life, - Rejoyce with me, dead, dead’s my wicked_ Wife. - -_August_ the ninth, steering _Northerly_ forty two Leagues, we found -_per observationem_ the Ship to run but thirty seven Leagues, which is -five Leagues less by reason of the Current which sets us the -_South-wards_ Latitude at 6 Degrees 24 Longitude 36 Degrees 58 _West_ -from the _Salthil_. This afternoon we were in the Latitude of the -_Changus_, to the _West-wards_ of them, not seeing any sign of danger, -the variation is good help if heedfully observ’d, finding about 22 -Degrees when you are in 7 or 8 Degrees of _Southerly_ Latitude, a -_Northerly_ course will go clear of all danger. The twelfth of this -moneth we crost _Æquator_, steering _North, North east_, Latitude 10 -Degrees, Seconds 85 Digits _Southerly_ Longitude 36 Degrees 51 digits -_West_, the wind at _South_ and by _West_, the variation 19 Degrees, -Seconds 35 Digits _West_. - -The twenty-fifth of _August_ we lay a try with main course, and mizen -our Drift _North_ 9 Leagues, the wind at _South west_, a fresh Gale. One -of our men taking our main Top-sail, cryed out a Sail, a Sail. In a -quarter of an hour by the help of my Prospective, I could discern her to -be an Enemy of considerable force, about some forty four pieces of -Ordinance. She made towards us with all the speed she could, and we to -shorted our way, bore up to her with all the Sail we could make, so that -we fetch’t up one the other quickly although we had but thirty six Guns, -eight less than she carry’d, and having fewer men withal we feared her -not, but ran up board and board with her before we fir’d a Gun, and then -we poured in a whole broad-side into her, whilst we pepper’d them above -with whole Vollies of small shot: they returned us the like kindness, -which kill’d us four outright besides what were wounded. Our Captain -behav’d himself very manfully, and so bestirr’d himself in the fight, -shewing so clear a courage as would have animated a very Coward to -fight, as for my own part the meer observation of his magnanimous -behaviour, infus’d into me more valour than I thought my self capable to -contain, or able to make use of: my Land-water Soldiers, the Scrivener -and his two Companions, by the Captains example, and my encouraging, -look’d Death as boldly, and as daringly in the face, as if they had -intended to look him out of countenance, though at first no shot, either -great or small went whistling by them but what made them dap their -heads, as if that would secure them; that Bullet which injures man never -tattles in his ear the ensuing danger; that Bullet that whistles in the -Air, proclames your crown as safe from cracking, as is the Goose after -she hath past through the Barn door stooping lest her lofty head should -knock the top thereof. - -There was not any in the Ship exempted from Service, every man as he was -Quartered not budging, but doing the utmost he could to offend his -Enemy; a brave young stout fellow (whom I shall never forget) standing -by me and my _Bantam_ Comrades, a shot came and took away his legg with -that fury, that it rebounded from the side; falling, he seemed not a wit -daunted, but called out aloud, Courage Captain, I warrant you Victory, -if you will but send down this Foot and Legg of mine to the Gunner, and -let him send it to them instead of shot, and I shall laugh to see here, -how it will kick the Arses of those insolent Rogues; _Gregory_ standing -by and seeing what had past, though something scar’d, yet would not -discover any fright, and to hide it the better, commended the brave -resolution of the man, and as he was laughing at the odness of his -conceit (poor Fellow) a shot came and took away one side of his face, so -dyed immediately, now it may be said, _he could laugh at him but with -half a mouth_. This last unhappy Bout so scared the little valor which -was in the Scrivener, that he instantly quitted his station, and -disorder’d more men in his way to his supposed safety, the Hold, than -twenty Troopers could have done in the midst of a Foot-company, a little -afterwards the Drugster attempted to do the like, some of the men in the -waste, seeing him upon his flight (just as I was moving on the same -design) cried out, knock him down, knock down that cowardly fellow with -a handspike, thinking they had meant me, being on the motion, I -endeavour’d to prove the contrary by giving him a sore pelt over the -noddle with my Musquet which laid him a sleep on the Deck; was highly -commended by our Captain for so doing, telling me that two such fellows -among a thousand men, nay an Army of ten times the number, might by -their fear occasion their total overthrow. - -The Drugster recovering got to his Quarters, and thought it better to -dye fighting than to be kill’d for being afraid to dye, to work he went -with a Blunderbuss, and fired it so often that he durst not charge it -again till it was cooler, my Musquet was in the like condition. By this -time the Enemy began to stand away from us, but we were resolv’d to keep -her company, and make her pay for the trouble and cost she had put us -to. We perceiv’d she had much a doe to keep herself above water, so that -we were not long before we came to bear again upon her, which we did so -efficaciously, that by a lucky shot penetrating her powder room she blew -up, we being so near her, I verily thought she would have blown us into -the air too, as she did her own men, part of which fell down into our -Ship, as if you would have scatter’d faggot sticks off a house top: we -had not above six men in all kill’d, and about nine wounded, none -mortally, which were immediately committed into the hands of an -excellent Chirurgion we had aboard, who took such a special care of them -that before we came to _Surrat_, they were all perfectly cured. - -Our ship receiv’d some dammage which was rectifyed by our Carpenters as -well as they could for the present, and sail’d forward in our voyage. -The next day we were forc’d to lye a Try again, which we did the -thirtieth day, the wind at South-west allowing each days drift. The one -and thirtieth we shortned sail all but our Sprit-sail, top-sail because -of falling too soon with the Coast of _India_. This month we ran eight -hundred fifty two Leagues on several Courses. - -From the first to the fourth of _September_, we stood away only with a -sprit-sail top-sail the course and distances, _&c._, observed having a -fair wind Westerly, but the next we steer’d East and by North, with -Sprit-sail and fore-topsail. The fifth from twelve to six (_per -Compass_) East five Leagues, having at four of the Clock had ground -sixty four fathome Oazy sand, then set more sail and stood in _North, -North-west_ till six in the morning, our depth in running the Course of -seven Leagues was fifty five, sixty and sixty-four Fathome in Latitude, -about 20 Degrees, Seconds 42 and Longitude 30 Degrees, Seconds, 3 Digits -_West_. On the sixth day we steer’d _East_ and by _North_, till four in -the afternoon, at which time we saw Land, it was low and Sandy banks, -with some Trees, and a white Tower or Church which may be seen four or -five Leagues off. This place was judged by those men of ours that had -sail’d often this way, to be fourteen Leagues to the _westward_ of -_Diu_. This evening we took a small boat not far off _Poramena_, bound -to _Chichauho_ near _Caule_, they had only three horses in her, having -nothing in her worth making prize, we dismist them the next day without -taking ought from them. The seventh and eight dayes we stood off and on, -expecting to meet with some Jonks. On the ninth we met with a Jonk of -_Gogo_, coming from _Mare Rubram_, or the Red-Sea, richly laden, which -we took, imagining we now were made for ever, but the Commander soon -dasht all our joyes, by producing a pass from the President of _Surrat_, -upon sight hereof our Captain durst not detain her. I was on board her -and having seen some part of her _Cargo_, I judg’d by that the richness -of the rest, and therefore perswaded the Captain to make her prize -though she had a hundred president passes, but he would not yeild, -knowing better the danger than I did, and so dismist her to my great -sorrow. - -On the tenth we took a Jonk belonging to the King of _Succatore_, bound -as they said, to _Surrat_, (the Devil was in our Captain to believe a -word they said if ought might be gotten by them) and had aboard of her -little that was considerable, saving six horses, and bast to make Ropes -withal, wherefore he dismist her. - -On the eleventh we anchored in twenty fathom three Leagues off the -shore, to give notice if any Jonks should pass by in the night, they -stood to the _Westwards_; and met a Jonk coming from the Red-sea, but -this cowardly Hulk seeing our Boat, supposed her to be a Scout from some -Man of War not far off, ran and sheltered her self under a Fort some -fourteen Leagues to the West-ward of _Diu_-head. This Jonk had some -_Europeans_ aboard her, which plyed their small shot so that our Boat -was forced to leave her, and coming aboard us was sent out again better -provided with men and arms to lye as they had done before, to meet with -the said Jonk, but in the night came six Sayl of Friggats instead of her -and anchored by them. Our desperate daring less than little _Fan Fan_, -would not leave them (knowing who they were) till she had spit that -little Venom that was in her and then retir’d, this so allarm’d us that -we got all sayls loose; and weighing up our Anchor the Cable broke, so -our Anchor was lost; we stood in and having spent some shot on the -Friggats notwithstanding there was such inequality in the number, they -stood away for the shore and left us, however we would not let them pass -so, but being some seven Leagues from _Diu_-head, in the night we stood -in again amongst the Friggats, but there being little wind and a light -night, they crept under the shore, from the twelfth to the seventeenth -we plyed to and again, standing off in the day, and in again at night, -seeing these Friggats every day, but could not come at them; they lay -there to give the Jonks notice of us as we supposed. - -The eighteenth we made up to the Land of Saint _John’s_ fourteen or -fifteen Leagues off, near which we took a boat that came from _Danda -ja-vapore_, bound for a place near _Diu_, out of this boat we only took -two _Mestico’s_ and a boy, and so dismist her; anchoring at eighteen -Fathome Oazy (being high water and little wind) in Latitude 19 Degrees, -48 Digits, about nine Leagues of shore, _Valentines pike_, _East_ and by -_South_, _per_ Compass. - -The two and twentieth we saw a Jonk and gave chase to her, fetching her -up we found her to be a great Junk of _Surrat_, bound for _Acheen_ with -Merchandise, having a pass from the President and Councel, therefore he -medled not with them; but in the afternoon came to an anchor in two and -twenty Fathom, about thirty Leagues of shore. The weather was gusty with -much rain, but never did I hear such peals of Thunder, nor see such -great and continued flashes of Lightning: at four in the evening the -next day we anchor’d at eighteen fathom within six leagues of _Damon_, -the wind at _North North east_, and variable, with such terrible claps -of Thunder and Lightning, that my friends, the Scrivener and Drugster -would have freely parted with all they had to have been at the bottom of -a _Cornish_ Tinn-mine. They envied now poor _Gregories_ condition, -accounting his misery a great happiness, for since the Element of Water -had received him into the Womb of her protection, the Element of fire -might as soon give him a new soul as to detriment his body, theirs being -now minutely expos’d to the mercy of its uncontroulable fury. - -On the twenty fifths evening we anchored in ten fathom reddish clay, the -_Pagod_ _East, North east_, _per_ Compass, and the trees of old -_Swalley_, _North, North-east_, about three Leagues off; the next day -the wind being at _North, North-west_, we turn’d up and anchor’d in ten -fathom, the Toddy-trees _East_ and by _North_, _per_ Compass. - -Lastly, having laid one buoy on the tonge of the sand and another on the -point of the Main, we came over the Barr, the least water is four fathom -and half at half flood, so we ran in till the Souther-Toddy-tree bore -South and by East _per_ Compass, and there anchor’d in eight fathom -water. This month we sailed not above one Hundred and seven Leagues. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - CHAP. XXIV. - -Latroon _and his friends arrive in_ Swalley _Road, they go ashore at_ - Surrat, _are entertained with other Captains of Ships lately come to - an Anchor, by the President; he discovers an old Mistress of his and - his old fellow servant, waiting on a Captain in a disguising habit; he - renews his acquaintance with her; she tells him what befell her after - his unworthy shipping her to_ Virginia, _and the cause of her coming - for_ India. _She enters into a League with_ Latroon _to cheat her - pretended Master, which she did, the manner how. They sail together - from_ Surrat _homeward._ - - -The next day after our coming to an Anchor in _Swalley_ Road, there came -in to us six sail of _Dutch_-ships from _Nova Batavia_; and two days -after came in four _English_ ships more into the same Port. One of the -Captains meeting with a Fleet of Friggats entring in at the Rivers -mouth, was boarded by them and unhapily blown up, himself and others of -his Company escaped, but were miserably burnt with powder. The ship -drave into _Swalley_ over the Bar and was tow’d on shore by our Boats -and Barges, but all in a manner consumed by the fire; there was a -_Dutch_-ship fought with the Friggats this while, which Sunk three of -them, and in the fight there was three more surpriz’d, the first by the -_Charles_ Barge, the next by our Long-boat, which we doubly mann’d, and -the last by the _Dutch_: they were but of little value, being laden with -_Paddee, Beech-leaves_ and other trifles. - -Now did our Captain command the Skiffs to be mann’d, and taking me, the -Scrivener, Drugster, with some of the Ship, we went ashore, and -presented our selves to the President, who wellcom’d us in the best -manner he could, and to speak the truth, his entertainment was -magnificent; whilst we were frankly drinking Healths to our friends in -_England_, there came into us (who came ashore that morning) the -Captains of the other three Ships, with their Chief Officers, as also a -great many _Dutch_ Commanders and their Attendants, we used to say _The -more the merrier_, and so found it, for the President as he was a very -generous man, so he was prudent, and therefore by his noble deportment -towards us, was resolved to oblige us both. - -We on the other side, strove to out-vy each other in gallantry of -Spirit, and in this manner we continued feasting three days, swimming in -an Ocean of Liquor. - -In this time of our Jollity I minded especially a young man that waited -on one of the Captains; he had a very Sweet countenance, but his -Complexion was very much Sun-burnt by travelling; I did verily believe I -had seen the face before, and therefore very much eyed it, which he -perceiving fixt his eyes as often on me, for I never cast my eye that -way where he stood waiting, but I found him still looking towards me. - -My heart renewed private intelligence what he was, but my reason could -not so much as guess from whence it came; for by the extraordinary -motion thereof beating strokes on my brest as nimbly as a Drummer a -Travale on his Drum-head; I look’d on him as one I knew, neither was I -alone thus, for at that distance I could perceive that the sight of me -did put him into a strange confusion. - -As I was contriving how to have some private conference with him, his -Master commanded him to take some of the Boats Crew and go aboard and -fetch him something which he wanted, he had no sooner receiv’d the -Command, but casting his Eyes on me he endeavor’d to tell me by them, he -had an eager desire to speak with me. - -He going out, I withdrew from the Company, desiring their excuse for a -while and follow’d him, but coming near him he trembled so he could -hardly move a foot forward, seeing him in that agony, I asked him what -ailed him? Bade him not be afraid, that I came not after him to mischief -him, or injure him in the least. I believe, said he, you intend me no -harm now, but it would have been well if you had never done me any. How! -replyed I, it is impossible I should be so cruel as to injure a face so -innocently harmless as thine appears: yes, Sir, you have, said he, and -were it not for something within me I have no name for, I would be -reveng’d on thy very soul for the abuse thou hast done me; I have now no -longer time left to discourse you, but to-morrow meet me under the -Southern Toddy-trees, and there I shall not fail to let you understand -the miseries of ——, and there he dropt his tears so fast that he could -hardly see his way before him. I was so amazed at what I had seen and -heard, that there I stood as a thing immovable, speechless, and almost -sensless; staying somewhat too long, the Captain came out to look me, -and found me in this posture staring up into the Skie; What’s the matter -man? said he, what wonders dost thou see there, thou dost so gaze? I -tell thee man, said he, this is no proper time nor place to take an -observation, we are now at Land; but he knew not what observation I had -taken, if he had he would have spoiled the Instrument if he could. - -Recollecting my self, Your pardon good Sir, said I, I protest you drink -too smartly within, so that I was forc’d to come out to suck in some -little airy refreshment. This shall not excuse you, quoth he, therefore -come along with me. Coming in he told the whole company in what a -rediculous posture he found me, and did so Romance upon it, that he made -them all laugh. One while, said he, he was telling the Clouds he saw, -pleasing himself with the several monstrous shapes they bore, though I -could not see one in all our Hemisphere. Then he turned his ear up to -the firmament, as if he were hearkening to the Sweet harmony of the -Sphears, and in my conscience, if I had not prevented him, I had seen -him madly dance by himself without one stroke of Musick. After this he -turn’d his eyes upwards again, and fixing them there awhile, the nine -heavens or firmaments were so transparent to his sight, that looking -through them, he recounted their particular names to himself in order as -they were posited. He would have proceeded but that the company would -not let him, for my own part he might have talked till dooms-day without -any interruption from me, my thoughts being wholly imployed in searching -out the meaning of what the young man lately spake to me. - -I observed after his return, he could not or would not look once towards -me as long as I staid. That night we parted some staying ashore, others -going aboard; but I, knowing what business I had to do the next morning, -lay all night with one of the Factors, a true Toper, and one that I had -been formerly merry with in _London_. I got up early and went to the -place appointed, where I staid not long e’re I saw him whom I expected -advancing towards me, I arose to meet him, so walking together we chose -a place where we sate down, which was both convenient, and secret for -our purpose. As I was about to speak he prevented it, by calling me -base, faithless, perjur’d man (I starting up, laid my hand on my Sword) -Nay hold, Sir, said he, think not to expiate your offence by murdering -the person against whom they were committed, so pulling off his Perriwig -discovered some short red hair? do you know this colour, said he, which -once you told me you lov’d beyond any other? Here is the same Dimple in -the Chin, and Mole on the Lip, and the same skin (stripping open his -doublet) which you have unreasonably praised for its excelling -whiteness; these were the flatteries you used to delude a poor credulous -maiden, whom you not onely sham’d but ruin’d. You cannot forget your -matchless treachery in seducing me aboard a _Virginia_ ship, in whom I -was carry’d thither and sold, you hoping by that villany to have been -for ever rid of me and mine. - -I now saw who she was (my fellow servant when I was an Apprentice) and -knowing what she said to be a truth, I ask’d her forgiveness, -acknowledging all my unworthyness to her, and protested if she durst -trust me once more I would make her amends for all, at which she smil’d -(for she ever lov’d me too well to be angry with me) I taking hold of -this advantage did so press her to a forgiveness, that she could not -deny me, having seal’d it with a thousand kisses: and now dear _Jane_, -said I, I have a longing desire to know how you spent your time in -_Virginia_, and how you came hither with this Captain; that I shall do -briefly, she replyed. - -_When I saw that you had so cruelly trappan’d me, and that all your love -was nothing but a deluding pretence to enjoy what you could, and be shut -of me afterwards as I saw you had done, I attempted to fling my Self -into the Sea, but being prevented in that, I betook my self to my Cabbin -where for grief I lay the whole Voyage so desperately ill that none had -any hopes of my life, for my Child dying as I suppose for want of those -that should carefully looke after it. Arriving at_ Virginia, _and -anchoring at_ Potomack River: _several_ Planters _came aboard of us, and -made a quick riddance of all the Passengers but my self, none offering a -pipe of Tobacco for me, for I was grown so weak I could not stand, and -so lean that I was a meer skinful of bones. The Master seeing me in this -condition, and judging I could not live two dayes to an end, commanded -me to be carried ashore to dye. A Planters wife that was very antient, -seeing me lie in that miserable and deplorable manner, took pity on me, -and took me home to her house, where she proved so good a Nurse to me -that every day I did sensibly amend. Being well, there was a great -contest between the Husband of this good old woman, and the Master whose -Servant I should be, a Suit was commenced, and upon tryal the Master was -cast he putting me a shore as useless to him, acquitted himself of all -future trouble with me. I being clear from him, my good Patron and -Patroness discharged me in open Court for having any thing to say to me, -for what necessaries they had provided for me during my sickness, being -now a free-woman I had a hundred good matches offered me, all which I -refus’d; there were some of the great ones too courted me for their lust -(for I had now recovered my complexion, and my eyes had shaken off that -dulness which had clog’d the swiftness of their motion) but all these -temptations prevailed not, the memory of you had too large a power over -my heart than to yield to any one else. But length of time began by -degrees to extenuate that esteem I had of you, so that I did not behave -my self so reservedly as formerly I had, but assumed a great deal of -freedome. One day my Master (as I now call him) coming to the house -where I was (for his Ship then rode in the River not far off us) took so -great a likeing to me at the first sight, that as he hath confess’d -since, he was never at quiet but when in my society; So that in a little -time he had so won upon my affections, that my carriage towards him -sufficiently demonstrated how dearly I loved him. To conclude, he made a -perfect conquest of me, and as the earnest of a perpetual tye, he fully -enjoyed me, and promised marriage if I would go with him as soon as he -came to_ Weymouth _in the west of_ England, _where stood his Habitation. -I greedily swallowed all his perswations (although one would have -thought me more wary, having been so notoriously cheated by you before,) -& the time coming when he would set sail, I march’d down to his Ship -with as many as would have compleated a Regiment which followed me, -looking upon me as the most absolute mirror of Chastity which ever -arrived in those parts, joyful I was to return to my native Country, and -as glad was my overcomer in that he had obtained so pretty a play-fellow -to pass away his time in his passage homewards. In seven weeks we came -upon the coast of_ England, _and was by the stress of weather put into_ -Plymouth-_sound, where we rode with much difficulty between the Island -and the Land. The third day after our anchoring there, the wind ceasing -though the weather was somewhat hazy, he went ashore, and taking none -with him but my self Coxswain and his Crew. I wondred what he meant by -it, my fond hopes prompted me to believe that here he would perform the -promise he made me at_ Virginia, _but I found my self deceiv’d; for he -dismist the boat after he had fill’d their skins full of wine, and -commanded them to wait upon him in the morning._ - -There being now none left but he and I together; Dearest, said he, be -not troubled at what I shall tell you, and it shall be never the worse -for you. I have a Wife and Children at _Waymouth_, although to gain my -ends of you I pretended to have none; she is the most jealous woman in -the world, and well she may, for she knows there is no woman in the -Creation much more deform’d than her self, wherefore this I would have -you to do that I may continue your company; you shall change your -feminine habit for what is masculine, under which disguise you shall -pass as a young man I have met with abroad, which for fancy’s sake I -have chosen to be my Companion in my Travels. _I thought I should have -sunk into the Earth to hear him make this new confident proposition to -me after so many vowes and promises to make me his wife, but gathering -courage, I started out of his hand and would have gone down stairs, but -pulling me back, what said I, are all my expectations come to this? must -I be only your wandring whore at last? have I left so many wealthy -matches at_ Potomack _for this? no, I am in mine own Country, in a place -where I am not known, & I will wash and scour for a lively-hood rather -than submit so basely after so many worthy proffers. Notwithstanding a -thousand resolutions I had to leave him; yet such was the subtlety of -mans sly insinuation, that he made me unsay all that I had said in less -than half an hour; and I agreed to everything he would have me do. -Leaving me at the Tavern he went immediately, and bought a suite (which -he guest would fit me) with Hatt, Shooes, Stockings, and whatever was -requisite to cloath a young man fashionably, and brought them to me upon -tryal, they exactly fitted me. Now because we would not give any cause -of suspition to the people of the house where we were in changing my -habit, it was concluded on between us to walk out of the town somewhere, -he being well acquainted with all the places about the town, made choice -of_ Catdown, _where in the cleft of an hollow rock I unchas’d, throwing -my proper habit into the Sea, and although it was somewhat immodest I -was forc’d to beg his help in my new metamorphosis; he had procur’d me a -very_ All-a-mode _Perriwig, but before that would fit me he must play -the Barbar himself, which he did by cutting my hair off close to my -head. Being now clad with everything requisite from top to toe, we made -towards the town again, where entring the former house we were in, we -drank and were very merry, having a noise of musick, having supp’d one -bed serv’d us without suspition; in the morning came the boat for us -with the doctor in her, who asked my Master very seriously for the -Gentlewoman, he replyed she had kindred and friends in this place and -that she resolv’d to stay with them awhile; then he enquired what that -young man was; O, said he, he is of my former acquaintance, who having -little to depend on here, is resolv’d to see the world abroad with me. -Coming aboard our Master need not make a repetition of what he had -already said, the Doctor did it for him: now did we set sail steering -for_ Waymouth _which we did reach in a little time._ - -_I was entertain’d in his house with much civility from his wife, and -the servants observing what respect their Master shew’d me, paid me the -like. There was seldom a day wherein he had me not to a Tavern, -sometimes with company, but most commonly alone, and this life I led for -fourteen moneths; at the expiration of which my master being employed by -some Merchants in a Voyage to East_-India, _took me along with him by -which means we have the wonderful hap to see one another again._ - -My _Jinny_ having ended her discourse, I endeavoured to endear myself -unto her with all the outward demonstrations I could devise or imagine, -protesting for the future I would never violate my faith to her, that -she and I would run our fortune, live together, and she dying I would -voluntarily do so too, to accompany her to the other world. - -Fearing lest I should detain her too long, and give her Master any cause -of suspition, I dispatch’d her away, and soon after went aboard our own -ship, but before I went I appointed her to meet me there two days after. -The Captain, my self, and all that were concern’d, went roundly about -our business, for since he had gone beyond the bounds of his commission, -he was resolv’d not to return home with her, but convert Ship and goods -to his own use; this in secret he acquainted me with, as knowing my -ingenious rogueship would be very helpful and assistant to him in all -his enterprizes; and that I might oblidge him to me in an absolute bond -of friendship, I seem’d to make him my Cabinet-counsel in all my -affairs, and did really inform him of the truth of the last Adventure, -knowing I could not carry on my design without his privity and help. - -He did much wonder to hear me tell him that I had here also discovered -another of my wenches in man’s apparrel, but his wonder turn’d into -rejoycing when I told him how this wench should enrich our Stock by -robbing her or his pretended Master of his Gold and what else he had -valuable, and could hardly rest to think how I would effect my design. -Fear not, said I, his Gold is all our own, therefore let us lay out our -own as fast as we can, in the commodites of this place. The _Dutch_ -thought we had the Devil and all of mony, to see our goods come tumbling -in upon us so fast, so that with what goods we took in at _Bantam_, and -what we receiv’d here, our ship wanted but little of her full fraught. - -The time was come wherein I was to have another Mess of discourse with -my _Jinny_, who was punctual to her time, and there before me at the -place appointed. And after some few amorous ceremonies I seriously told -her that it was my intent never to part with her during life, she -answered that it was her desire, and that she would run any hazard to -bear me company; well, said I, make your self ready to go along with us, -for we are resolv’d to set sayl within these two dayes; that I shall -(she said) and know that I will not come with empty hands; my love shall -neither be burthensome to you, nor expensive; how prithee, how said I, -why thus, my pretended Master, as I have told you loves me dearly, -expressing it in whatever way I desire, and to let me see how great a -trust he dares impose upon me, and what confidence he hath of my -fidelity, I have the key of his Chest wherein is contain’d 8 hundred -Jacobuss’s, besides a box of rough diamonds with other stones of price, -all of which, or as much as I can carry off handsomely will I bring to -thee, so much efficacy hath my first Lover over me that I could be -content to undo all the rest to raise thee. I told her the notion was -very suitable to our present affair, and that it was the best and -easiest course I could propound for our happy living hereafter, and that -when she saw any white thing hanging in our shrowd she should then fall -to her work, which should be the token of our being all ready; which she -could easily do at any time, for the Captain being almost continually a -shore and she with him, it was but waiting for the boat (upon the sign -given) which at her command would carry her aboard and bring her with -the least word ashore. Moreover that having got the prize, she should -presently make down to the _Toddy-trees_, over against which we lay at -Anchor, and upon the signal of a Handkerchief, we would send our boat -instantly ashore to receive her. All which according to instruction was -exactly perform’d, the Captain whom she requited in this manner for all -his love being at that time dead drunk by an invitation of the Factors -of _Surrat_. - -Having got my double Treasure aboard, and what lading we desir’d, our -Hold shut up, our Anchors weigh’d, and our Canvas spread, away we sail’d -over the Bar, with an hundred shot after us, for our Country-men as well -as _Hollanders_, concluded there must be some damn’d inexpressible -Treachery in this our suddain sailing, neither giving notice some days -before, or fairly taking our leaves by fireing of Guns according to -Custom; besides they knew we had not taken in our full Lading. Let them -fire their hearts out we valued them not, in derision we fir’d a Gun at -stern, and so stood to the Southwards. - -I knew very well this female confident of mine would effectually do the -business we had plotted together, and so to divert my self and make -sport with the Captain of the discovery of my Rival, I wrote some few -Lines and nail’d them on a Toddy-tree on the shore directed to the said -Captain, which I knew would be discovered by some or other, and carried -to him the verses were as follow. - - Noble Captain. - - _’Twas a close plot y’ faith, but ’twould not hide - From me your_ wench, _which should have bin my_ Bride; - _You chang’d her Garb, but could not change her face; - Nor change her heart, where once I had a place - Nere thence to be remov’d although she show’d - Some love to you, the Debt to me she ow’d._ - Love _was a stranger to her till I came. - Whom seeing lov’d, and loving lost her fame. - Sated with her delights I basely prov’d - Th’ ingrate that loath’d what I should still have lov’d. - I turn’d her off, well might she then perplex - Herself, and curse th’_ inconstance _of our_ Sex. - _To be reveng’d, with me she did confer, - To do her_ right _on those that_ wronged _her. - I was the first, but me she did forgive, - Because as one, we must together live. - You were the next, whose crimes are manyfold, - Yet have sued out your pardon with your_ Gold: - _Your subtle Wheedlings cheated her belief, - And would have filch’d her heart to play the_ Thief. - _You stole into her Secrets, so that she - May at_ Loves-bar _charge you with_ Felony. - _For thus purloyning, stealing hearts away, - And being caught you now shall soundly pay. - She vows to me, she’l spare you not a bit, - But keep intire the_ Purchase _of her_ Wit. - _What_ Protestations, _and what_ Oaths _you made, - Were broke by you as soon as they were said. - Your great pretences and your bouncing Stories; - The idle flashings of your fancy’d glories; - All which she minds not, since she hath requir’d - A Treasure which so long we both desir’d. - Now we are now almost quits (against your will) - This is the_ Sum _that must discharge our_ Bill: - Imprimis _so much; lying by her side, - And breaking promise, made her not your_ Bride. - Item _for changing_ Petty-coats _for_ Hose, - _And doing something, which I wont disclose._ - Item _for making such a pretty toy, - Your_ wanton Mistris, _and your_ Cabbin-boy; - _Whom Morning, Noon, and sometimes very late, - Fail’d not to make your constant_ Trickry-mate. - _Thus stands th’ Account, and now we’re even just, - Discharging you of what we did intrust, - If not quite broke, for some new_ Credit _look, - You ne’re shall enter more into our_ Book. - -I shall not trouble you with the particulars of an exact Journal of our -voyage from _Surrat_ till we came to _Venice_, to which part we were -bound, but only give you some light touches by the way. - -The last day of _April_ we cross’d the _Æquator_, and the first of _May_ -made a new way by judgement, and by observation our way was four Leagues -to the South-wards, having a rowling Sea out of the Souther board. The -fourth of _June_ in the morning we saw the Island _Mauritius_ and a -little after three or four small Islands appeared also; we stood in -betwixt _Mauritius_ and these Islands, and when we were thwart the point -of Rocks which lye on _Mauritius_ side, we edg’d off towards the Island, -giving that point and breach a good birth; our depth was twenty, and two -and twenty fathom hard ground, and being within one mile of the -westermost rock, we had twenty four fathom, the wind being at south -east, we left into the shore about a mile distant from it we anchored -that night. Here we rode near ten days, refreshing our selves with what -the Island afforded, as Goats, Hogs, and fresh fish good store. It is -reported here are many fish rank poyson, we did eat all sorts, as -_Mullets_, _Lantarasks_, _Whiskers_, _Rockfish and Garfish_, and many -others, but found no harm by feeding on them. We set sail hence and -about 28 Leagues distance from _Mauritius_, we pass’d by an Island -call’d the _Moschachenas_, near which we sprung a leak, that each hour -we pumpt above two hundred and fifty strokes, it being gusty whether and -a great Sea out of the South-east, but by our Carpenters it was happily -stopt, although it was under the next timber abaft the well near the -Keel, which by rummidging the Hold they found it so to be. The next -place we anchored at was the Island of _Johanna_, here we had much -lightning and thunder, the wind having been out of the Sea in the day, -and off shore in the night. This place affordeth very good flesh great -quantity of fish and fowl, we had a Bullock for ten long red Cornelion -heads; we had also excellent _Oranges_ and _Lemmons_, the people are -very loving and friendly, having two Governours or Captains among them, -the one call’d _Androm Pela_, and the other _Masse Core_, they desired -of us no other money for ought we bought than those red heads. Sailing -from hence we sprung our main top-mast, which our Carpenters taking down -fisht it and got it up again the same day. On the third of _September_ -in latitude 16. d. 33 the wind at South east, we saw the Island of St. -_Helena_, to the west-ward of the Chappel thereof we anchored a mile -distant, the Captain caused the skiff to be hoisted out and so my -_Jinny_, the Scrivener, Drugster, and Doctor _&c._ we landed at -Lemmon-valley. Here with some Guns we carried with us we kill’d Hogs and -Goats, otherwise it is hard to take them, running at the sight of us up -inaccessible craggy Rocks. In ranging through the Isle, our men found -divers Oranges and Lemmon-trees but no fruit thereon, the _Dutch_ having -been there as we suppose, had gathered them, as appeared by their names -on certain Stones and Trees; we caught here _Mackrel_, _Breams_ and -_Borettoes_ good store. - - __FINIS.__ - - - To the Reader instead of the _Errata_. - - _The Author hath his faults the_ Printer _too - All men whilst here do err, and so do you._ - -_And therefore_ Reader _pardon the_ Printer, _who promises amendment; -and I hope thy acceptance of this and the fourth part already published -will induce me to finish this_ Story _with a fifth & last part. In the -mean time the Author of this, hath lately written Printed and Published, -another Book entitled._ - -_The_ Unlucky Citizen, _experimentially described in the various -misfortunes of an_ Unlucky Londoner. _Calculated for the Meridian of -this City: but may serve by way of advice to all the Comonality of_ -England. _More particularly to_ Parents _and_ Children, Masters _and_ -Servants, Husbands _and_ Wives. _Intermixed with several Choice Novels, -Stored with variety of Examples and advice president and precept. -Illustrated with Pictures fitted to the several Stories._ - -_And let me assure thee_ Reader _that no more is promised in the Title -than is performed in the Book for it not only equals this in relating -variety of pleasant extravagancies and other Novels but it is profitable -in the many reflections and good advices given to the_ Reader, _and is -intended to be prosecuted in a second part wherein you shall have not -only real and true examples and experiences, but also as good and sound -advice as can be collected from any Book either Morall or Divine which -this age hath produced. Therefore despise it not because of the_ Unlucky -_Title, for it is or will be worthy of thy perusall._ - - Transcriber’s Note. - -While acknowledging the ‘To the Reader’ message at the end of the text, -the Printer’s lapses in spelling, capitalization, hyphenation and -punctuation have been corrected where they are obviously typographical. - -The word ‘Gaol’ is printed, more often than not as ‘Goal’, and all such -instances are retained. There are two instance s (74.3 and 189.30) where -the first ‘d’ in ‘Landlady’ is missing, once on a end-of-line -hyphenation, and once midline. The remaining fifteen instances are -spelled as we would expect. In the summary of Chapter XXII, the word -‘youngmen’ appears. In the text, the phrase appears either as separate -words, or somewhat more frequently, with a hyphen, but never as a single -word. - -Due to the variability of hyphenation, where a hyphenation occurs on a -line or page break, the hyphen is retained or removed based on the -preponderance of the same word elsewhere. Where there are no other or -similar instances, the decision was based on modern usage. - -The header of Chapter XII was misprinted as ‘II’. - -The following table summarizes the issues encountered, and their -resolution: - - 24.26 (the time of child bearing being near Replaced. - approaching[,/)] - - 33.7 they presenting me with Gloves[,] Added. - - 36.33 in my revenge upon my abus[i]er; Removed - - 45.4 came running to[ to] Removed. - - 46.9 [(]endeavouring> to excuse himself, Probable, - added. - - 47.22 but on looking on the pha[n]tasms Added. - - 47.25 thinking how this revengful[,] plot of mine Removed. - - 51.26 any time, [b/l]est thy breath for ever Replaced. - poyson my memory; - - 66.12 [(]which he question’d Added. - - 73.3 that stood on yon[ ]der Removed. - - 74.3 to the same Gaol his Lan[d]lady, Added. - - 76.34 care of the [presevation] of my health _sic_ - - 81.6 promising the next morning a full Replaced. - accoun[s/t] - - 89.4 one another[,/.] My Landlord loved his Replaced. - pleasure - - 95.29 committed to the disciplination [a/o]f Replaced. - - 125.12 he continued stam[p]ing Added. - - 135.14 manner of Jov[i]al and Sprightly Added. - Recreations; - - 140.15 what[ what] was his crime? Removed. - - 150.33 wretch, who did somwhat peniten[r/t]ly Replaced. - - 152.11 changed for one of that pri[e/c]e Replaced. - - 179.29 where the [t/r]hime ended; Replaced. - - 187.22 drank off our[ our] Wine cheerily Removed. - - 188.23 whilst my [Lady/Land]lady Replaced. - - 189.30 I knew the secrets of my Lan[d]-lady, Added. - - 191.28 her Friend the La[w]yer Added. - - 212.18 to contin[n/u]e by her Replaced. - - 220.8 the manner how, with[ with] Removed. - - 228.6 given instructions to his Boy what[ to] do Added. - - 258.1 who unaturally _sic_ - - 263.13 these 2 handsome young m[a/e]n Replaced. - - 263.21 she got some Lam[b/p] black Replaced. - - 266.6 one of the supposed young[-]men Added. - - 269.21 to invite him abroad to morr[r]ow, Removed. - - 277.7 t[r]ouble, but having been acquainted with Added. - all sorts - - 282.25 _Northerly_ cou[r]se will go clear Added. - - 284.2 and my _Bantam_ Comrades) Comrades[)/,] a Replaced. - shot came - - 302.3 Imprimis so mu[e/c]h; lying by her side, Replaced. - - 302.12 Dischar[g]ing you of what we did intrust, Added. - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The English Rogue: Continued in the -Life of Meriton Latroon, And other , by Francis Kirkman - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ENGLISH ROGUE: CONTINUED *** - -***** This file should be named 52494-0.txt or 52494-0.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/2/4/9/52494/ - -Produced by KD Weeks, Chris Curnow and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -file was produced from images generously made available -by The Internet Archive) - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - - - -Title: The English Rogue: Continued in the Life of Meriton Latroon, And other Extravagants, Comprehending the most Eminent Cheats of Both Sexes - The Third Part - -Author: Francis Kirkman - -Release Date: July 4, 2016 [EBook #52494] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ENGLISH ROGUE: CONTINUED *** - - - - -Produced by KD Weeks, Chris Curnow and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -file was produced from images generously made available -by The Internet Archive) - - - - - - -</pre> - - -<div class='tnotes'> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><span class='large'>Transcriber’s Note</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c000'>Given the publication date (late 17th century), the capitalization, spelling -and punctuation of the original, is variable, There are a number of -instances where it is very likely a printer's error has been made, -These have been corrected, and are summarized in the transcriber’s <a href='#endnote'>note</a> -at the end of the text.</p> - -<div class='htmlonly'> - -<p class='c000'>Corrections appear in the text as <ins class='correction' title='original'>corrected</ins>. The -original text appears as a pop-up when the cursor hovers on the word or phrase.</p> - -</div> - -<p class='c000'>There are several full page panelled illustrations, which were not included -in the pagination, and have been moved slightly in the text in order to avoid -falling within a paragraph. Each panel serves as illustration of a numbered -chapter.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Several concessions to modernity are made. The text employed the long ‘s’ (‘ſ’), -which has been rendered here as a modern ‘s’. Likewise the ligature of ‘ct’ -is given as the two separate chararacters.</p> - -<div class='epubonly'> - -<p class='c000'>The cover image has been fabricated and is placed in the public domain. Each correction -is linked to the summary in the text.</p> - -</div> - -</div> -<div class='figcenter id001'> -<img src='images/i_frontis.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' /> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>THE</div> - <div class='c001'><span class='xlarge'>English Rogue:</span></div> - <div class='c001'><span class='small'>Continued in the Life of</span></div> - <div class='c001'><span class='large'>MERITON LATROON</span></div> - <div class='c001'>AND OTHER</div> - <div class='c001'><span class='large'>EXTRAVAGANTS:</span></div> - <div class='c001'><span class='small'>Comprehending the most Eminent</span></div> - <div class='c001'><span class='xlarge'>CHEATS</span></div> - <div class='c001'><span class='small'>OF</span></div> - <div class='c001'><span class='large'>BOTH SEXES.</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-b'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Read, <i>but do’nt</i> Practice: <i>for the Author findes,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>They which live</i> Honest <i>have most quiet mindes</i>.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c002' /> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>The <i>Third</i> Part.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c002' /> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>With the Illustration of Pictures to every</div> - <div>Chapter.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c002' /> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><em>LONDON</em>:</div> - <div class='c001'>Printed by <em>Anne Johnson</em> for <em>Fran. Kirkman</em>, and</div> - <div>are to be sold at his Shop in <em>Fan-Church</em></div> - <div><em>Street</em> over against the Sign of the <em>Robin</em></div> - <div><em>Hood</em> neer <em>Algate</em>. 1674.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='figcenter id002'> -<img src='images/i_deco1.jpg' alt='decoration' class='ig001' /> -</div> - -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c003'>The Preface.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c004'>Gentlemen!</p> - -<p class='c000'><i>In the first impression of this third part, a large and -as I thought a sufficient Apologie was made, for the -Writing and publishing thereof. Wherefore I shall not -enlarge at this time, onely tell you that you have here -laid before you, a large Catalogue of all sorts of notorious -Rogueries; your own consciences may serve as a -finger in the Margin, pointing directly to the Guilt -with which you are principally concern’d; to deal -plainly with you, had I lived in a less wicked Age -than this is, this Book had ne’re been extant; it was -the vicious practices of these corrupted times, that gave -it matter and form, life and being: had the evil -inclinations of men extended no further, then to some -wagish excursions, I should have been silent; but since</i> -Villany <i>improves it self daily, notwithstanding the -many lamentable examples monthly attending the -commission thereof. I thought good to erect this -Monument of their shame and wickedness, which -may serve instead of a continuall</i> Sessions, <i>an ever-lasting</i> -Tyburn, <i>to fright these vile miscreants from -their enormous practices: I know not with what -faces they can perpetrate that again, which is now so -notoriously laid open to the view of the whole world; -the beastliness of their debaucheries stinking above -ground. But I have heard some men say, that the -writing of this is not the probable way of reducing, -but increasing the number of such persons whose enormities -I have just cause to complain of: I would not -have you to be so rash in your Judgments, as uncharitably -to believe me to be a</i> Seminary <i>of</i> Vice, <i>and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_I'>I</span>that I erected a Nursery for its propagation, for I -must assure you I am of better principles, and that no</i> -profit <i>whatsoever shall buy out my interest in a good</i> -conscience. <i>What I have done is well intended, and -is the product of a painful Experience, Travel, and -Expence; and if you will have a little patience, you -shall find (in the winding up of the bottom by the conclusion -of this Story, in a fifth and last Part, which is -very suddenly intended) that no crime shall go unpunished, -no particular Person who hath been guilty of these -vicious Extravagancies but shall have a punishment -suitable to their crimes: and then I hope all persons -who make use of this Book to practice debaucheries, -will be induced to forbear and decline their wickedness, -lest a just judgment overtake them, as they will -find it hath done these</i> Extravagants. <i>This is the -true design and end of this Book in generall, and -whoever makes any other use or Construction do’s -greatly abuse the real and true intents of their honest</i> -Monitor.</p> - -<div class='c005'><em>Fra. Kirkman.</em></div> -<div class='figcenter id003'> -<img src='images/i_001fp.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' /> -</div> - -<div class='figcenter id004'> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_1'>1</span> -<img src='images/i_deco2.jpg' alt='decoration' class='ig001' /> -</div> - -<div> - <h1 class='c006'>THE <br /> <span class='xlarge'>ENGLISH ROGUE:</span></h1> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> -<div class='nf-center c001'> - <div><span class='small'>Continued in the Life of</span></div> - <div><span class='large'>Meriton Latroon,</span></div> - <div class='c001'>AND OTHER</div> - <div><span class='xlarge'>EXTRAVAGANTS.</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c007' /> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><i>PART III.</i></div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c007' /> - -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c003'>CHAP. I.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c008'><i>Mrs.</i> Dorothy <i>rehearses how she cheats her Lovers; -who being with Child, made all that had to do with -her contribute to her expence in lying in, and recompence -her lost honour. She goes into the country to -lay her great Belly; in her Journey she falls into -the acquaintance of a crafty Old Woman</i> (alias: -<i>a Procurer</i>.)</p> - -<p class='c004'>Mrs. <em>Dorothy</em> having thus given me an account -of her first Adventure, I received much satisfaction -in the Relation; and told her that I found -she was much improved in cunning since my first acquaintance -<span class='pageno' id='Page_2'>2</span>with her; for I had enjoyed her without -much advantage to her self, for she had a great Belly, -with little profit, not knowing who was, or were to -find a Father: whereas now she had her choice of -three, and money enough to boot whereby to purchase -a handsome provision for her self and child. Yes, -reply’d she, I did not intend to be caught again; for -then it would have been my own fault, you having experienced -me in the fallacies of your Sex; and therefore, -as I told you, I made my bargain with all my -three Friends as politickly as I could; and upon second -thoughts, altered somewhat of the terms I had -formerly agreed upon: for whereas my first Customer -had given me twenty pounds in hand, to provide -me with necessaries during my time of lying in, and -had agreed to provide for the Child, when it should be -born: I told him I had provided a Nurse for it already -that was willing to take all the charge, and discharge -him from any further trouble, upon payment of fourty -pounds more; to this he easily consented, and gave -Bond in to me, in the name of a Friend of mine; whom -I told him was the Party that would make provision -for the Child.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Thus did I settle matters with the first: and with -the second I continued my bargain, of having twenty -pounds down, and fifty pounds more at the birth of -the Child. And my Masters Brother and I continued -our old bargain of the like sum, of twenty pounds -down, and fifty pounds more, to be paid at 6 moneths; -neither did I discontinue my familiarities with any of -them; for I managed my affairs so cunningly, that -some nights I lay with my first Customer without the -knowledge of my Master’s Brother, from whom I endeavoured -only to conceal it, and not from my second -for he, as I told you, was privy to my dealings with -<span class='pageno' id='Page_3'>3</span>him, and by that means only first gained his ends upon -me: sometimes I lay with my second Customer, but -it was with some regret, for I had the least affection -for him of the three; but now he since he had bled -some of his yellow pieces, and give me what I desired -of him, I could not well refuse him his desires of me, -neither was he so shy as formerly; for he valued not -though my Masters Brother sometimes discovered us, -for he knew that our dealings were not concealed from -him, and therefore he was the bolder. But with my -Masters Brother I was more free than ever; he -having as much again for his money as either of -the other, neither was it perceived by either of them; -for he having the command of the house, so ordered -it, that my Lodging was nearest to his; and therefore -we had the more conveniency to come at one another.</p> - -<p class='c000'>We drave this trade for some Moneths, till in the -end my Master’s Brother gaining the goodwill of his -Sweet-heart, he was married to her, and then he for -some time fell off. But he had not lain with his Wife -above a fortnight, but he became weary of her embraces, -and renewed his love again to me; I at first -withstood him, and used Arguments to disswade him -from any such course; but all would not do; for he -told me he found but little pleasure in the cold embraces -of his Wife; neither had he married her, but -for her Estate, which was considerable; many other -Arguments he used to perswade me, who was not altogether -unwilling; and so we again renewed our -former pleasure; but we were necessitated to be very -private, and only now and then to have a private -meeting in the day time, for he was to accompany his -Wife in the Night. But as privately, and craftily as -we carried our selves, we were at length discovered; -for my second Customer, after he had paid for his -<span class='pageno' id='Page_4'>4</span>pleasure, was more desirous to have his penny-worths -out of me, and still importuned me to interviews so -often, that I much grumbled at him; and he being a -weary Fox, still dogg’d and watch’d me, and that so -often, that at length he found me and my Masters -Brother in our strict embraces; he being both glad -and angry, without any [by your leave] entered the -Room where we were (the door being only carelesly -put to) and without any words approaching the -Bed whereon we lay, drew the Curtains, and said; -well, Master <em>John</em> (for so was his name) that sawce -which is good for the Goose, I hope will be good for -the Gander; self do, self have; I hope, Sir, since you -have put in for your share in the pleasure, you will -be share, and share like in the charge. Well, replyed -Mr. <em>John</em>, it shall be even as honest Mrs. <em>Dorothy</em> will -have it; and thereupon removed, and sitting upon the -Bed, I began to give him bad words, calling him jealous -Coxcomb; and he again flew at me, telling me that I -was insatiate, and that twenty would not serve my -turn; and that now he found the reason of my slighting -him, for Mr. <em>John</em>; but if we would not do him -Justice, he would be revenged on us both: to that Mr. -<em>John</em> replyed, asking him what he would have? I -would, said he, have my money, and my Bond again; -for I see, and find, there is little reason that I should -pay for other mens Leachery; you make me provide -for a Child, that, for ought I know, hath twenty Fathers; -well, said I, you have had too much for your -money; and if you are grieved, amend your self; so -I will, said he, furiously going away out of the Room. -He being gone, Mr. <em>John</em> and I fell to consulting, what -was to be done in this affair; and after many propositions, -we at length agreed, that it was most convenient -for me to be gone from my service, and to leave -<span class='pageno' id='Page_5'>5</span><em>London</em>, for some Country Habitation; lest this angred -Coxcomb should mischief us, by discovering our -practice to Mr. <em>John’s</em> Wife, or some else, that was -worse: I was willing, and ready to take this course; -but I told Mr. <em>John</em>, that moneys would be wanting, -to make a handsome provision for me; for as affairs -now stood, there was no expecting any mony from -my angred Customer, but what should be forced -from him. That is true, replyed he; but so soon as -the money is due, for which he hath given you -Bond, I will take course with him, and compel him -to pay it; and in the mean time I will furnish you. -This was that which I aimed at; and I knowing that -he had lately received a large sum of money for his -Wifes portion, with much ease gained him to pay me -the fifty pounds down, for which he had given me -Bond, and being thus provided with moneys, and -making up my pack (which was much improved -since my coming) I prepared for my departure. I -as yet knew not what Country to retire to, but was -resolved not to go back into my own; and therefore -consulted with Mr. <em>John</em> about the place; who -still hankered after me, resolving I should not go -far, but that he might easily visit me; appointed me -a place about ten Miles from <em>London</em>: and because -he would not be suspected of going with me, nor of -being any wayes privy to my departure, he permitted -me to take my Journy without him; he promising -in a few dayes to take the opportunity of -giving me a visit.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Thus did I leave his Brother’s House; but not so abruptly, -but that I had the leave of my Master and -Mistress; whom I told, that my Father being sick, had -sent for me immediately; and to that end, a Letter -<span class='pageno' id='Page_6'>6</span>was framed by Mr. <em>John</em>, and brought me by a Porter.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Being now Coach’d for my Journy, I in short time -arrived at the Inn, where I was appointed to stay, till -Mr. <em>John</em> should arrive, and make better provision for -me; where an Adventure befell me, which is worthy -of your hearing: For among the rest of the Travellers, -there was an Antient Woman, who took great -notice of me, still looking towards my Apron, and eying -very diligently my belly; which although it was -now somewhat greater, being about three Moneths -gone with Child; yet I had endeavoured, by busking -it down, and using all other means to hide it; but the -Old Woman was not so dim-sighted, but she discovered -the fraud; and having been a good one her self -in her time, quickly smelt out the matter; and believed, -and guessed the cause right, as it was; for my -thinn Chops, and sharp and whitely looks gave evident -testimonies of what disease I was sick of; and -looking more throughly upon me, and examining the -features of my buxome Countenance, she conjectured -right, that some good Fellow had got up my belly at -<em>London</em>, and I was going into the Country to be lightned -of my burthen: she having a while considered -with her self, that I might be very useful for her in an -affair she had then in hand, was very pleasant with -me, desiring my further acquaintance. I was not shye -for the matter, but knowing that I had money enough -to bear me out in any cross adventure that might happen, -was resolved to see what the Old Woman meant -by her familiarity. She first gave me Joy of my great -Belly; to which I replyed, she might be mistaken; -well, well, said she it matters not, whether I am or no; -but if it be not so, I wish it were; and methinks it is a -pity that you should be sick of any other disease; for -<span class='pageno' id='Page_7'>7</span>I have so much skill in <em>Physiognomy</em>, that I can tell that -you are of a more Jovial Temper than now your countenance -shews for, and it is very unfit, that one of -your years and complexion should want the pleasures -of a fit Bed-fellow; but I suppose you are not ignorant -of those enjoyments, and have a Husband, with -whom you have experienced the sweet of a Married -Life. Truly, Madam, said I, you are much mistaken; -for I never yet entred into that honourable Estate of -Matrimony. Well, that matters not much, replyed this -good Old one; but I have miss’d of my aim, if you -are ignorant of what I have told you; and although -you may have no Husband, yet I believe you have a -Friend, who has been dabling with you, and swel’d -your Belly; if it be so, you are not the only she that is -guilty of that pleasing Crime; for I my self have been -good in my time; and still have a Colts tooth in my -head.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Thus did the Old Dotterel initiate her acquaintance -with me; and had well near put me to the blush, -but that I turned my face aside, and gently wip’d it -with my Handkerchief; and then I told her she was -very pleasant, and that a little in the extreams, considering -the publickness of the place (there were more -Guests in the Room) and our small acquaintance. As -for the place, said she, I must confess, as we are not all -one Womans Children, so we ought to be somewhat -careful; but I shall make amends for that, by desireing -you to withdraw into a more private place; and -as for the short time of our acquaintance, I question -not, but we shall quickly set our Horses together, and -I hope our present meeting may be advantagious to us -both, especially, if it be as I yet expect it. What do -you mean, said I? That is, replyed she, if you be -with Child, and such a Gamester as I wish you. I was -<span class='pageno' id='Page_8'>8</span>much amazed at this Womans confidence; but however, -she having been so open with me, I resolved to be -as free with her: hoping her words might prove true, -and that some benefit might be made out of her acquaintance; -and therefore advising her to leave that -Room, for another more private, she soon obey’d me; -and having entred, and causing a good fire, and Wine -to be brought, we sat down together, not without my -receiving some salutations, and strict embraces from -my Antient, but to me new acquaintance. After we -had each of us washed away sorrow with a Cup of -the best Canary, the Old Woman being now more -bold than before; again took me in her arms, & laid her -hand hard upon my Belly; when it so fortuned, that -at that very instant the Child gave a gentle turn in my -Belly; which she quickly felt; and then cryed out, -Well, Daughter, you see I was in the right; therefore -since I have discovered somewhat, I pray tell me the -rest of your condition; and I question not but you -will receive much profit by your discovery: I was -resolved to be very free with her, and acquaint her -with the chiefest of my Adventures; still concealing -so much thereof, as should, or might be convenient to -be made known; whereupon I thus began.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Mother (since you will have it so) I shall make -a free confession of my Crime; hoping you will be -merciful in the pennance you shall impose; seeing, -as you say, I am not the alone guilty party; and thereupon -I recounted to her, how that I being born in -such a Country, and desirous to see fashions, went up -to <em>London</em>, and there happened into a Service; where -my Masters Brother falling in love with me, after -some Courtship (he promising me marriage) we came -to enjoyment; that he, notwithstanding his promise -married with another; who indeed exceeded me in -<span class='pageno' id='Page_9'>9</span>Fortune, as I her in beauty; but my sweet heart soon -after marriage came to me, and repented of his bargain; -but since that was past could not be remedied, I -was forced to be contented; and indeed, I having a -great love for him, permitted him still to lye with me, -that in the end, I was with Child by him; and then -we consulting what was most necessary to be done, it -was at length concluded, that I should leave my service, -and retire into the Country, till I were rid of my -great Belly; and to that end and purpose, I was now -come into the Country, expecting him in short time -to follow me. Thus did I give her a short, though -somewhat true, account of my Fortunes; and when -I had done, she thus replyed.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Well, Daughter, since your condition is as I judged -it, and indeed hop’d it to be; I shall play the Chymist, -and extract Golden Fortunes to you out of your -own desperate misfortunes; for I doubt, as your Lover -hath once been false to you, so he may prove the -second time; and now he hath sent you a journey, he -may leave you to shift for your self; and to look for -another Father for your Child. But, Daughter, (continued -she) if you will be rul’d by me, you shall not -only have a rich Father, but a great fortune for your -Child: and perhaps, so much ready money for your -self, as you will not only give me thanks, but reckon -this our meeting to be the most fortunate Accident of -your whole Life. I thank you very kindly, replyed I, -for your fair offers, but I shall desire you to explain -your self further; and I suppose I shall put so much -confidence in you, as to be rul’d by you; although I -do not in the least doubt that I shall be put to those -extremities you imagine. So much the better, replyed -she; but however, that I may fit you for those purposes -I have designed, and partly propounded to you; I -<span class='pageno' id='Page_10'>10</span>shall give you an account of some part of my Life -and Adventures; and thereupon she thus Began.</p> - -<hr class='c007' /> -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c003'>CHAP. II.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c008'><i>The Old Woman relates to Mrs.</i> Dorothy, <i>where she -was born, in an Ale house; how educated in all manner -of debauchery; how she had a Bastard, which she -murther’d, is after marriage gotten with Child by a</i> -Moor, <i>and perswades her Husband it was his, notwithstanding, -it being conceived so by the strength of -imagination. Her Husband growing jealous of the -Black</i> Moor, <i>fights him; and they kill one the other. -A strange adventure between her Lover and a</i> Frenchman, -<i>with a Wind mill</i>.</p> - -<p class='c004'>I was born (said she) at <em>Portsmouth</em>; a Sea-Port-Town, -very well known, not only to most -<em>English</em> Men, but also to many Strangers. My Parents -were of the ordinary ranck, keeping a fudling School, -or House of good fellow-ship. I was educated, according -to the Custom of the place, to learn to read, -and Sew; in learning of which having spent two or -three years, at the Age of eleven I was taken home to -sit in the Barr and keep the scores; I was well pleased -to be at home, because there was great variety of -Guests; especially merry drunken Saylors: who, -when they had liberty to come ashore, would lustily -booz it; and sing, and dance, all weathers. And to -that end, our House was still accommodated with a -blind Harper, who pick’d up a merry living: I taking -pleasure in Musick, and my Father thinking it would -advance his trading, bought for me a pair of Virginals; -and hired a man to teach me: I giving my mind to it, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_11'>11</span>soon learnt some tunes, which I played to the merry -Saylers, whilst they pull’d off their shoes, and danc’t -Lustick; and sometimes I gaining a Teaster, or Groat -for my Musick, was so encouraged, that I quickly -took all the instructions my Master was able to give -me; I likewise learned some songs of him, and some -of the Saylers; so that in little time I was well furnished -with fat and lean Songs; so we term’d the -bawdy and others. Although I soon understood what -was meant by bawdy Songs; yet I was yet to young -to have experience of them: however, when my Auditors -laugh’d, and sometimes hug’d and kiss’d me, I -had some kind of Notions that were very pleasing to -me; and although my Mother sometimes told me of -the hateful name of Whore, and how much it concerned -me to keep my Maiden-head; yet I resolved -that if it were long ere I were married, yet it should -not be so before I tryed what it was to lye with a -Man: however I followed my Mothers directions, in -frowning, and scouling on those who forc’d a kiss -from me. But, as I had designed, so it came to pass; -for at the Age of fourteen years, a Sayler, who of all -other sort of People, I liked best, gained my good -liking: he newly came home from a boon Voyage, and -was full of half Crown pieces, and took up his quarters -at our house; my Father seeing him so flush, was -resolved to milk him; and therefore permitted him to -keep me Company, though he saw he was very familiar -in hugging and kissing me; I likewise had a great -mind to some of his money, and therefore begg’d some -of him to buy Ginger-bread, Sugar, Plumbs, Figgs, -Fruit, and such like liquorish things; he believing, that -as I had a liquorish tooth, so I might have a liquorish -Tail, refused me no moneys I desired; but I being -somewhat modest in the smallness of my demands, had -<span class='pageno' id='Page_12'>12</span>but little that wayes by fair play; therefore I bethought -me, how I might be Mistress of more; therefore -was resolved, at the next opportunity, to pick -his pocket, which I guess’d would be no difficult matter -to do; in regard he was oftentimes much overtaken -with the Creature; and therefore, to the end I -might effect my desires, when we were met next together, -I drank pretty smartly with him, and conveyed -some strong waters into each cup of his Beer; and -so in short time he being somewhat tipsie, desired me -to sing him a song, which I performing, he was quickly, -as I supposed fallen asleep; I sat in his lap, and as -cunningly as I could, slipt my hand into his Pocket; -where I gathered up three or four half Crowns; as -sleepy as he was, he observed me, and while I was at my -work, he was at his; and as slighly he conveyed one -of his hands into another place, having not as yet been -at that sport; I squeek’d out, which made him rise, and -me withdraw my hand, and both of us leave our -Prizes; and I blushing for anger, that I was so doubly -catch’d, would have left the Room; but he taking -hold of me, desired me to be quiet, and told me, what -was done on his part was but in jest, as he supposed -what I did was; and that it was but <em>quid</em> for <em>quo</em>. I -having by this time gained some confidence, was, at -his entreaty, content to stay longer with him, and sung -another song; which when I had done, he gave me -four half Crowns (a greater sum than I was ever till -then Mistress of) and told me, since he knew what I -would have, he would give it me, as he hoped I would -do the like. To which I replyed, I knew not what I -might do in time, if he continued his kindness to me. -Thus did I encourage him to be liberal to me, in hopes -of his desired reward: and thus neither of us (knowing -one anothers minds) was long backwards, without -<span class='pageno' id='Page_13'>13</span>enjoying our desires; he giving me some money -and a Ring. I permitted him to enjoy me as fully as he -could wish or desire; and many rancounters we had -together, both at home and abroad, as time and place -would permit: but as the longest day will have an end -so had his money; and then my Father perceiving that -it was low ebb in his Pocket, began to be more wary -and circumspect of him, and to watch him, and slight -him, lest he should gain anything upon me, and run into -his score; and so he might lose as much in the shire, -as he had got in the hundred; the Old Woman, my -Mother, being somewhat suspicious of me, still watch’d -us with much wariness; and he not having money to -treat me abroad at other houses, as formerly, we were -fain to have all our sports at home when we had conveniency; -and there we were so narrowly put to it, -that we were oftentimes in danger to be catch’d.</p> - -<p class='c000'>When my sweet-heart could get any Moneys he -would treat me abroad; and one day having been -walking with me, he committed one of the greatest extravagancies -I ever heard of he had drank very hard -and was now almost fluster’d, when coming by the -Wind mill which is near our Town, the wind blowing -somewhat moderately, there was a <em>French man</em>, -who challenged some <em>English</em> Saylers to shew some -feats of activity; among other exploits, he took hold -of one of the wings of the Wind-mill, and holding -fast, was carried round therewith, lighting very orderly -on the ground upon his feet. This was a wonderful, -and we thought desperate attempt, and he much -bragg’d of it daring any <em>English man</em> to do the like: -my sweet-heart being with me, and desirous to gain -my esteem, and being somewhat pot shaken, makes no -more ado, but likewise takes hold of one of the wings -of the Windmil; which by reason the wind blew -<span class='pageno' id='Page_14'>14</span>more freshly than it had done lately, caused the Mill -to go more swiftly then ordinary; and he not being -able to hold fast, was thrown off: but though it was -a pretty way off, yet to his good Fortune, he was -not thrown to the ground (which would have broken -his bones,) but into a pond of water; and there he -being very skilful in swimming, soon recovering himself, -swam to the shore; and not forgetting what he -had done, cryed out, <em>Now let any Mounsieur of ye all -do the like</em>. All there present did much applaud him; -some attributing that to his design and skill, which -indeed was by chance; and truly, it was a good chance -for him, that he broke not his neck: but he then -escaped any further danger: and some Merchants being -there present, were so surprized with the manner -of the action that they gave him ten shillings to drink; -he being thus rewarded for his folly, thought it his best -course to go home; where we being come, and my -Father made acquainted with the matter, and that he -had money in his Pocket made much of him, and -perswaded him to go to bed; and my Mother procured -him a Sack posset, which we all eat of at his -beds side; but little did they think that this was a kind -of a Bride-posset: for, although we were not married -that day, yet we lay together that night; for when -they were in their bed, in went I to his; where he -expected me, having before enjoyned me to make use -of that opportunity, which I did, to both our good intents: -for we enjoyed one another in full freedom of -all dilights: this being the first and last time I ever -lay with him: for not long after, his coyn being -spent, and a Voyage presented it self, he Shipp’d himself, -and away he went for the <em>East Indies</em>; we promising -a constant continuance of our affections. But -he being gone, it was not long, ere I found a strange -<span class='pageno' id='Page_15'>15</span>alteration in my body, being taken with pewkings, -and vomitings, such as young Married folks are used -to have; whereupon I concluded, that I should soon -have a great belly, which so fell out; but before that, -I had a Husband to Father it.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Our House being publique, we entertained all -Comers; amongst the rest, there came a Sayler, who -had had the Fortune to meet with a prize; and he for -his own share had two hundred pounds Sterling. This -was so tall a Fortune as was unusual to be the possession -of an ordinary Sayler; and he chancing in at -our house, my Father was very desirous to rid him of -his mony: he acquainted my Mother with his purpose, -and told her, that this Fellow would make a very -good Fortune for me their Daughter; and they might -by means of this live more plentifully then ever. The -Fellow soon expressed a great deal of love for me, -which my mother taking notice of, told me of her own -and my Fathers intentions, and bid me prepare to entertain -his love, for they designed him for my Husband; -she advised me to be free and courteous to him, -but by no means to let him proceed further then the -ordinary civility. I promised her all obedience, and -she was very diligent and watchful over me. My sweet -heart was very sweet upon me, and would fain have -been dealing with me, as Merchandize, bidding very -fair for me, but I resolved to have all or none; would -not let him have a bit, but what was lawful: he being -thus stopt, was the more earnest; and at length, rather -than lose me, agreed to have me at my own terms -which was marriage; which at length was fully agreed -upon. But my qualmes encreasing as did my -belly, my Mother suspected somewhat was the matter, -and therefore took me strictly to task; and so wrought -with me; that I confessed I had been sporting with my -<span class='pageno' id='Page_16'>16</span>former sweet-heart; this news much startled her; but -she who had passed many such brunts, soon found out -a remedy; and told me that if I would be wholly ruled -by her, she would still warrant the business should -go on prosperously enough; for, said she, I will direct -you to carry your self, so as the loss of your Maiden-head -shall not be discovered; and as for your great -Belly, we will when you are marryed, send your husband -to Sea before your time of delivery: and in the -mean time, we will manage all matter cunningly enough. -My Mother having thus encouraged me, I -prepared for the wedding day, which was soon after -appointed; which being come, and night also, we -went to bed; and there my Bride-groom going about -to enjoy me, I counterfeited all kinds of simplicity; I -cryed, sob’d, and screeked out; and he had much ado, -with puffing and blowing, and sweating, to possess -himself of me. I had all the marks and symptoms of -untouch’d Virginity; and the more to beguile him, -notwithstanding all his fair words, and endeavours, I -made so great a noise as raised my Mother; who coming -into our chamber, found me in swound; from -which she soon brought me, by rubbing me with Vinegar, -and other Remedies; and she perswaded me to -be patient, and desired him to deal kindly with me, using -this Proverb; <em>Gently</em>, John, <em>the Girls Young</em>, She -left us, and then with somewhat more Patience I permitted -him to take his pleasure with me.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Thus was I marryed, and came off with all Credit -imaginable; but afterwards it did not proceed as we -expected; for my Husband being very fond of my -company, would not by any means be perswaded to -leave me for the Sea; but intended, now he had gained -money enough, to live on shore. This resolution -of his was very unpleasing; but I was forced to be -<span class='pageno' id='Page_17'>17</span>contended, and to provide against the time of my delivery -of my great Belly, which now came on a pace, -and indeed was somewhat sooner than I expected; -for I was taken one day with a suddain pain, which -much surprized my Mother; for my Husband was in -the House, and hearing my cryes, would needs force -his way into my Chamber; where I was accompanyed -by my Mother, who was instructing me what to -do; on his approach to the Bed, my pains encreased, -and a Child was born into the World; but, that he -might not discover the fallacy, by the crying of the -Child, I smothered it; and lying still for some space, -my Mother perswaded him to depart; he being gone, -my Mother fell to work; and removed the Child, -playing the Midwife in the best manner she could; and -all being buried, and <em>I</em> put into order, she told her Son -in law, that these were extream fits of the Chollick, -and would now they had begun, continue for some -dayes; wherefore she desired him to take another -Lodging, and let her lye with me: to this he hardly -consented; but at length, at both our importunities, -he was content, and in ten dayes time, I still every day -counterfeited fits of groaning, but he seeing I sensibly -amended, would no longer forbear lying with me.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Thus did I escape this misfortune, and came off -with flying Colours, without the least suspition; so -that I was encouraged to proceed in further Roguries; -which was the ruine of my Husband, and in which I -had like to have been involved. I told you our house -was for all Guests; and now by the addition of my -Husbands money, which was employed in my Fathers -Trade, to encrease his stock, our house the best furnished, -was the best customed house in the Town; amongst -the rest, there came a Person of Honour, who -had been a Traveller, and among his Attendants a -<span class='pageno' id='Page_18'>18</span>Negro, or Black-man, which he had brought from -<em>Guiana</em>. This Black-more was reported by his Master -and others, to be the Son of a Prince in his own -Country; I look’d on him with an affectionate and -smiling countenance; which he perceiving, and also -that I was handsome, much desired my company; and -being Master of money enough to spend on me, he -had many opportunities of courting me; at the first, -I examining what I was about to do drew back, thinking -it a very strange thing to be kiss’d by a Black-more, -but use brought it into Custom; and I endured not only -that, but also methought I had a minde to taste of -his flesh, perswading my self, that there would be -more than ordinary satisfaction in that enjoyment; -and he finding me coming, so prosecuted his suit, that -it was not long ere I enjoyed him: I must confess -much to my content, for nothing but his sparkling -eyes was to be seen in the dark, which indeed were as -shining, as two stars in a clear night; and he was as -much delighted with me: so that we promised to take -all opportunities for enjoyment. The Lords business -kept him there so long, that we had so much sport in -jest, as turned to earnest; for I found my self to be -with child, and I did absolutely believe that my Black-friend -was the Father of it: this consideration put -me into a deep melancholly; for we carried our business -not so privately, but that we were taken notice -of, and suspected by my Mother; but much more by -my Husband, whose extreme love to me was converted -into as extreme a jealousie; and he looked on my -Black-friend with a great deal of horror.</p> - -<p class='c000'>I finding my self with Childe, and doubting it was -by him, a fancy possessed me, that I should bring forth -a Black-More like the Father: this, I say put me to a -very great <em>non-plus</em>; and I endeavoured by all means -<span class='pageno' id='Page_19'>19</span>to blind my Husband, and take all suspition from him: -I told him, I believed I was with Child, this pleased -him; but I also added, I doubted, I should not render -him compleatly satisfied: for that I had a very great -fancy that the Child would be black, and I could give -no reason, but that the sight of my Lords Black-More -was deeply imprinted in my fancy: I told him, I had -read the story of a Black Queen and King, who had a -Child that was white; and being so born, was thrust -out of the King his Fathers Dominions, for no other -cause but because he was white; and the Queen his -Mother hardly escaped the fury of her Husband, who -shrewdly suspected her guilty of Adultry with some -white-man, because the Child was so. This said I, was -the Crime laid to her charge; and it seemed so reasonable -to him and all his Nobility; that notwithstanding -the Queen was alwayes esteemed to be a vertuous -woman, yet she hardly escaped with her life. But at -length, a wise man of that Kingdome coming to the -Court, and hearing of the matter, and that the Queen -was banished as well as her Son; he, said I, walking -about the Court, and coming into the Kings Bed-chamber, -there saw the Picture of a fair white-woman, -which had, as great rariety, been presented to the King -he then remembring the unfortunate case of the -Queen, did really believe that the sight of that white -Picture had occasioned the Queen to conceive and -bring forth a white Child. Being thus convinced, and -perswaded in his own opinion, he was not long before -he perswaded the King to the same; and the -Queen having been alwayes of an unblemisht reputation, -it was concluded by the King, and all the Nobility, -that the Queen was innocent: and thereupon -the banishment was repealed, and both received home -with great joy, state, and honour; and this Son, after -<span class='pageno' id='Page_20'>20</span>his Fathers decease, was crowned, and reigned King of -the Place. Now sweet-heart, said I, this being so, -and fancy having so strong an operation in the womb -by the only site of a Picture, I cannot but imagine -that the real presence of one may work much more -and greater effects, especially since I find a very great -inclination not only to love, but long for black things; -black cherries, I affect extreamly, as also damsons, -sloes, & black-bullies; I chiefly feed on black puddings; -and it is not very long, said I, since I longed for a -black hat, and did eat it up every bit: and now I have -lately had a great desire to a dish of butter’d char-coal.</p> - -<p class='c000'>This discourse wrought variously with my Husband, -who, although he did somewhat suspect me, -yet would he take no great notice at present, but told -me, that surely this was but fancy, and would in the -end amount to nothing: I was content with his answer; -but knowing his mind stood thereto bent, I first -propounded, that the Black-more should depart our -house, or else that I might remove from home to some -other place, to see, if by his absence the fancy would -leave me: to this he willingly agreed; and in regard -to move for the Black-more’s departure until -his Lord went also, would not only raise suspicious -Discourses, but turn to our disadvantage, by -reason they were good Guests; we therefore resolved -that I should remove four or five miles from home; -the which I did the next day; but my departure was -not so secret, but that I gave notice thereof to my -beloved Black-more, who promised not to be long before -he took the opportunity of giving me a visit; -the which he did unseen of any, I letting him in at a -back Garden door; and thither he usually came to me -once in two or three days: we sometimes spent some -<span class='pageno' id='Page_21'>21</span>hours together in a Banqueting-house in the Garden; -and at last grew so bold, as to spend whole nights in -bed together; so that my Husband, who sorely suspected -me, was resolved to watch my waters; and one -Evening missing the Black-more, who was then come -to me, he at midnight departed; and coming to the -back door whereat the Black-more entred, he finding -it open, entered, saw the Candle in my Chamber, and -I believe could hear our voyces, but knew not how to -enter without great noise; wherefore, now resolving -in his mind what to do, he waited till the morning, -walking about the Garden; but in regard the Black-more -had some affairs of his Lords that morning to -dispatch, he arose early, and left me; I shut fast the -door, and left him; no sooner was he down, but my -angry Husband with a drawn sword meets him; he -seeing and knowing him, guessed his purpose, likewise -quickly draws; and they running upon one anothers -swords, soon bereft each other of life.</p> - -<hr class='c007' /> -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_22'>22</span> - <h2 class='c003'>CHAP. III.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c008'><i>The Old Woman relates, that her Husband and Black-friend -having killed one another, she removes her -lodging; and is brought to bed of a young Black-more, -which she likewise murthereth; and then again removing -her quarters, and passing for a maid, is married -to a young Inn-keeper; who, instead of her, had -a maid servant for his Bed fellow; who being both -sleepy, she sets fire of the House; and then pretending -to fetch water at the Well, tumbles her in, where -she is drowned.</i></p> - -<p class='c004'>Thus, said Mrs. <em>Dorothy</em>, did the old Hagg give me -an account of her mischievous beginning; and -indeed, in the prosecution of her story, she acquainted -me with so many horrible actions, that I was agast; -and wondered that the Earth did not open, to swallow -up a wretch so monstrously wicked; but I think, said -she, by what I have said, I have told you enough to -know her, and therefore shall pass over the rest of her -actions in silence: nay, said I, Mrs. <em>Dorothy</em>, since you -have begun to give us so fair an account of the foul -actions of this your wicked acquaintance, I shall desire -you to take the pains to proceed therein. Truly, -said Mrs. <em>Mary</em>, although I have known many -wretched People in my dayes, yet I never heard of the -like; and I suppose by what you have already recounted, -that all you have further to say will be both remarkable, -admirable, and pleasant (if we may account -that pleasant which is so mischievously, and -wickedly witty;) and therefore I, as well as our -<span class='pageno' id='Page_23'>23</span>friend here, desire you to continue your relation; and -if you will take the pains, we will have the patience -to hear you to the least particular. Mrs. <em>Dorothy</em> being -thus requested by us both, replyed, that she should -be content to grant our desires, but then we must have -a great deal of patience, and pardon those impertinent -ignorances that she should be forced to recount, in relating -so many notable and various adventurous actions -of another: We told her, we should willingly -attend, and excuse her in all; and thereupon she thus -continued.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Although (said this old Trot) my Husband, and -my black friend had quickly dispatch’t their business, -by thus dispatching one another, yet they were neither -so sudden nor so silent, but I both heard and saw -them tilt at one another with their swords, which -were bathed in each others heart blood; and so they -fell, grinning at each other with horrible Countenances -and they lay so close together, that they could catch -hold of one another, and fight with their hands, their -swords being sheathed in one anothers bodies; but -this contest could not, neither did it last long, their -hearts being suffocated with Blood, and so in short -time they both expired; which I discovered by the -noise of hollow groans: and thus continued she, was I -deprived of a Friend, and a Husband. I was startled at -the present, but considering what was to be done, went -to bed, and lay there till some of the house came and -bounc’d at my Chamber door; I suffered them to continue -knocking for some time, as if I had been asleep; -but they growing more furious by reason of my silence, -were ready to break open the door, when I -jumped out of my bed, and in my smock opening the -door, asked them what was the cause of their violent -knocking; they replyed, they were glad to see me -<span class='pageno' id='Page_24'>24</span>alive, which they much doubted, by reason of my -silence, and having seen such a doleful sight as was -then in the Garden: I seeming ignorant of all, desired -them to explain themselves, and acquaint me with -their meaning; they were not long then ere they had -told me, that my Husband and the Black-more who -quartered at my Fathers, were both dead in the Garden: -I was amazed, ran then to the window, and -there beheld what I too well knew already; and then -cryed out, and in lamentable and furious manner threw -my self on the floor, tearing my hair, and making -great lamentation; by this time the Constable and -other Neighbors were come, but could not get any -thing out of me to discover any knowledge of the fact. -I seemed a stranger to all; and so the Bodies being removed, -word was sent to my Father and Mother, who -quickly came thither; but finding me, as the rest, to pretend -ignorance, nothing could be done; but the People -conjectured variously, and though they could not accuse -me as the murtherer, yet I was shrewdly suspected -to be the cause; they judging the truth as it was: -but however, I was without the compass of the law, -and therefore escaped all trouble.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Their Bodies were soon after buried, and I thought -it absolutely necessary to abscond my self, lest (the -time of child bearing being near <a id='corr24.26'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='approaching,'>approaching)</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_24.26'><ins class='correction' title='approaching,'>approaching)</ins></a></span> I might -be further discovered by the Complexion of the child, -which I did verily believe would be black; and therefore -I left my Fathers house, and went to an obscure -Village about ten miles off; I took up my lodging -with an old Woman of my Mothers acquaintance, -pretending a great melancholly since the death of my -Husband, and therefore avoided all Company: I had -all along attempted to destroy the Child in my -Womb, and to that end I had taken <em>Savine</em>, and many -<span class='pageno' id='Page_25'>25</span>other drugs and potions, and using to jump, and leap, -and wrastle, to cause my self to miscarry, but all in -vain; so that in fine, I was forced to use the same remedy -I had done, and smother the Child so soon as it -was born; I had all possible conveniences to do it, -whilst the Midwife, who lived at some distance, was -not much looked after, although it was somewhat -black, which was now taken to be so, only by reason -of its strugling for passage; and wanting a Mid-wife, -I caused it to be quickly nail’d up in a box, and so with -little trouble passed over the difficulty of this affair: -my Mother soon came to me, and accommodated me, -with every thing fit for my condition, so that it was -not long ere I perfectly recovered; and I having no -mind to return to my Fathers nor to stay in that place, -caused my Mother to provide me with a gentile habit; -and money in my pocket, and being thus fitted, went -twenty miles further, to the house of another of my -Mothers acquaintance; and having been so unfortunate -with a Husband, was resolved not to own that ever I -had been married, but to pass for a maid; which I -might well enough do, not being yet above eighteen -years of age. My beauty then was so charming, that -I quickly gained many adorers; and it being given out -that I was a Virgin, and of a good fortune, had many -Sutors in earnest, that woed me in the honest terms -of marriage. Having the choice of several, I was the -more coy; but in the end, there was one, who was an -Inn-keeper, whose Father being lately dead, and left a -handsome competency, him I accepted of, but with -great jealousie and suspition of my self; lest he -was a cunning youngster, should discover the -want of my Virginity. I was sensible it would -be no difficult matter for him to finde me out, but -<span class='pageno' id='Page_26'>26</span>I was resolved to try my Wits, and prevent his -discovery: to this end I delayed my marriage for -some time, till I could bring my matters to pass; -which (said she) I did in this manner.</p> - -<p class='c000'>There was a Servant-Maid in the House, whom I -usually had for my Bed-fellow, and with her I was very -free in all my discourse, acquainting her with all passages -between me and my Sweethearts; and many pleasing -discourses we had upon those occasions, and commonly -we spent some hours every night when we were -in Bed, in these Conferences: I asking her which of my -Sweet-hearts was the best, and likliest to prove a good -Husband; she and I both jumped in one mind, and she -seemed to rejoyce at the good Fortune I was likely to -enjoy, in having so handsome, and accomplish’d a Person, -as he was with whom I was to be Married; saying, -that of all men breathing, she never saw one whom, she -thought, she could love better; and adding, that she -would give all the money in her Pocket to have my -place on the Wedding Night. Well, thought I, are -you there? I’le be with you anon. Truly said she, I -am a perfect Maid, not having yet had to do with any -Man; and for deed, nay, for thought and word, untill -this time, was a pure Virgin; but methinks, since I saw -your Sweetheart, I have such pleasing imaginations, -that I could willingly experiment the effects; but, continued -she, I hope you will take all this in good part, -and not be jealous of me, for I shall not in the least injure -you, no, though your Sweet-heart should desire -it; besides, my Quality and condition is so much beneath -yours, that it would be but a folly to expect it: -but shall wish you all happiness with your beloved -Bridegroom. She having opened her mind thus freely -to me, it was the thing I only aimed at, and above all -things wish’d for; and therefore, that I might now -<span class='pageno' id='Page_27'>27</span>stricke while the Iron was hot, I thus replyed; come, -come, do not counterfeit more Modesty than needs, but -tell me truely, and sincerely, if I can find a way to compass -your desires; and be therewith content, and willing, -will you obey me in what I shall desire of you? -This is a strange proposition, said she, and I believe -far from your heart to do, and only to try me farther; -but I pray let us talk no more of this matter.</p> - -<p class='c000'>I quickly answered, that I was now in earnest, and -would (if she would swear to me to be secret) discover -a secret that was of the highest importance, and -that then all things would be as she had wished; she -wondring what I meant, and being desirous (as all women -are inquisitive after secrets) to discover mine, -soon made many protestations and vows, to be secret -in what ever I should impart to her; and thereupon I -told her, that indeed about twelve moneths since, being -in my fathers house, a Gentleman of quality lodging -there, and having divers times courted me; and I -alwayes refusing to hear him; and being very obstinate, -notwithstanding all his endeavours by -Presents, and otherwise; he, I said being wholy -impatient, and resolved to venture all for -my enjoyment, took his opportunity, and came to -bed to me; I feeling him near me, cry’d out but in vain, -for my Lodging was at too great a distance from any -bodyes hearing; and so in the end, notwithstanding -my striving, and strugling, he had his will of me; and -indeed, to tell you the truth, the danger of the brunt being -over, and I well knowing that what was past could -not be recalled, was, in the end, willing a second, or -third time, to permit him the same enjoyment; and so -he went away in the Morning well satisfied, and I better -pleas’d than when he came to me. I was resolved -to keep this from the knowledge of my Parents, and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_28'>28</span>did so, though he offered me Marriage, which would -have been advantageous enough for me, he being, as I -said, a Person of Quality; but however, he continued -his practice with me all the time of his stay at my Fathers, -which was two Moneths; and then he departing, -promised a sudden return, and that he would then discover -himself to my Father, and request me in Marriage; -I trusted to his fair words, and permitted his departure; -but he had not been long absent ere I perceived -my self to be with Child: I kept this from the -knowledge of all, so long as I could; but in the end, -my Mother suspecting me, charged me so roundly, -that I confessed the Fact; she thereupon took the best -remedy she could, and unknown to my Father, sent me -away to a Friend of hers, where I lay in of a Child, -which soon after dying, and I recovered, I again removed -hither, where what hath befaln me you already -know as well as I; and now, my dear Friend, said I, -the case being thus, you may do me a great kindness, -and please your self, as you say, by taking my place on -the Wedding-night; and he lying with you in my -stead may be deceived, and take me for a pure Virgin; -whereas otherwise I am in much doubt to be discovered, in -regard, that not only I have lost my Maidenhead, -but have also lately had a Child.</p> - -<p class='c000'>My Bed-fellow gave diligent attendance to what I -had related, and after I had satisfied her how she should -behave her self in every respect, she consented to take -my turn. My business being in this forwardness, I -quickly consented to clap up the bargain with my -Sweet-heart; and the Wedding-day being come, we -were accordingly Married; and at Bed time I went to -Bed with my Bride-groom, but feigning Modesty, commanded -all to depart the Room; which they did, leaving -one Candle burning; I seeing the Company gone, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_29'>29</span>leap’d out of the Bed to put the Candle out; which I -did, and then, according to appointment, the Maid, who -was ready in her smock behind the Hangings, quickly -got into the Bed, and enjoyed my place; I staid in the -Chamber, and could well enough discover all passages -between them, and how she made some faint resistance; -but not long it was ere they fell a sleep, and slept so -long, that I was at a very great stand what to do, lest -day-light should come ere she should awake, and then -be seen by my Husband, and I disgraced and lost for -ever; I ruminated in my mind many wayes; at last I -was resolved to proceed to violence, and hazard all, -rather than lose my credit; and therefore seeing they -still slept on, I went out of the Chamber into the -next; where with the help of a Tinder-box, I struck -a light; and getting a Torch, and lighting it, set fire -on some part of the house, which soon encreased to a -great flame; I then made no great difficulty to make a -noise, and cry out fire, fire; this was soon seen, smelt, -and heard by my drousie bedfellows, who both arose; -and I being there, caught hold of him, as if I had lain -with him; and his bedfellow being now a little come -to her self, and seeing me, began to consider what she -was to do; and ran where her cloaths were, put them -on, and then came to help me to mine.</p> - -<p class='c000'>My Husband, and all the rest of the Family -being thus raised, ran about for water to quench -the fire; I being left alone with my Husbands -Bed-fellow, could have found in my heart to -have killed her with a Sword there in the Chamber: -because she had been the occasion of all -this mischief; and the thoughts of that, and remembring -what hurt she might do me hereafter, -in discovering my secrets or, at least, in being my -<span class='pageno' id='Page_30'>30</span>Co-rival; these Considerations made me resolve -to dispatch her into the other world; and there-fore -desiring her to go down with me into the -Yard to fetch water at the Well, she did so; -where I spying my opportunity, in the absence of -the rest of the Family, as she was stooping to draw -Water, I turned her head forwards into the Well; -where, before any came to help her, she was dead. I -pretended to bewail her misfortunes; but the fire, by -the asistance of some Neighbours, being now quench’d, -we all retired into that part of the House that was unburn’d; -where every one lamented, not only the misfortune -of the fire, but that of the Maids death; in -which I alone was principally concerned.</p> - -<hr class='c007' /> -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c003'>CHAP. IV.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c008'><i>She being at home with her Husband, is Courted by Gallants; -one of which Cuckolds him; She is out witted -by her Gallant, and cheated of a Gown, and three -Rings; she is Courted by another Gallant, and they -study a Revenge on the first; which she executes, by appointing -the first to come to Bed to her; where her Husband, -by her appointment, was in her stead; who taking -him in the manner, soundly whips him; in the -mean time she is in Bed with her new Gallant.</i></p> - -<p class='c004'>The next day after our unfortunate Wedding-night, -all Persons concerned began to reckon up -their losses; in which, neither I, nor my Husband suffered -but little; for he had nothing there but the -Clothes on his back, and I only had mine, and a Trunk -<span class='pageno' id='Page_31'>31</span>of Clothes, and Linnen, which were safe. Our Land-lord -lost some of his Goods, and an hundred pounds -would not repair the damage the House had sustained -by the fire; he therefore complained much of his losses: -but his lamentations were not equal to those of -an Old Woman, who lived in the Town, and was the -Mother of the Unfortunate Maid, whom I had so -treacherously, and ungratefully murthered: I was almost -as joyful as she was sad, that I was rid of so -dangerous a Corrival, whom I had entrusted with -my greatest secrets.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The disorders of this House caused us to quit it -sooner than we intended; for that very day we removed -to my Husbands Habitation, which was not -above four Miles distant, and there we Lodged, where -that night I received those imbraces from my Husband -which were very pleasing to me, and then all things -were as well fixed as I could desire; only my Mothers -coming was every day expected, I having given her -notice of my Transactions by Letters: She came in few -dayes, and that not empty-handed; for she brought -an hundred pounds in ready money with her: this, she -told her new son-in-law, was but part of a greater -Sum, my Father and she intended for my Portion; although -my Husband expected five hundred pounds -with me (I having given out that I should have so -much) yet he was content with this for the present; -and this money was part of what was left me of my -first Husbands. During the stay of my Mother, we -kept open House; and giving up our selves to all manner -of mirth, I found my Husband to be but an easie -Coxcomb, and one whom I thought I should out-wit, -and over-rule; he was much inclined to gameing; and, -as the fortune of the Dice went, he sometimes won, and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_32'>32</span>lost again as often; at which he would be somewhat -waspish and griping: and what he lost by gameing, he -would get up again out of large Reckoning, and tricks -he would put upon his Guests, who now were more in -number than formerly; for it being given out, that he -was Married, and that to one that was handsom, all -the Countrey came in upon us; especially all the roaring -Lads, who spent highest, came all to see, and present -their service to their Land-lady; and as a Citizens -shop is never so well furnished, as when a handsome -Wife is placed in a varnisht seat; even so is an Inn-keepers -Barr; and doth draw in Customers, all in -hopes to have a lick at her honey pot; and although -a Woman be never so chaste, and the Guests finde it so, -yet if she be but handsome, her company is still desired; -but you know my temper so well, that you may -guess I should not hold out a seven years siege, if I -were but once bravely assaulted; but withall, I resolved -to be as cunning as all my Observations had taught -me, and not be like a Glove for every ones drawing -on. If I had any Servants, I resolved they should be -of the best; and those I counted so, who wore most -money in their Pockets, I had my choice of several -of that kind; and though I still counterfeited a great -Modesty yet I was treated, and regalia’d both at home -and abroad; there was no sport, or divertisements, -but I made one of the Company; no fair near our -Town but I visited, being conducted thither by one -Gallant or other: where I had several Fairing presented -me. I had my Husbands consent to all my actions, -for I still acquainted him with all; and when I -was carried to any place, I told him every particular, -and caused him to meet me at the place and time appointed; -without which I pretended a mighty unwillingness; -and this I did, that he might put the -greater confidence in me.</p> - -<p class='c000'><span class='pageno' id='Page_33'>33</span>This trade I did drive for a long time, without -joyning issue with any of my Gallants, and they gained -no more upon me than a kiss, or a languishing -look, which I sometimes cast upon them to cause them -to believe that in time they might arrive to the height -of their desires; and for these my kind looks I was -as kindly rewarded; they presenting me with <a id='corr33.7'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='Gloves'>Gloves,</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_33.7'><ins class='correction' title='Gloves'>Gloves,</ins></a></span> -Scarffs, Hoods, Rings and Cabinets, and such like -Womanish toyes, and all in hopes that they might -toy with me, as in fine they did: I had several of these -Gamesters, but one above all the rest was most in my -favour, he having been the most prodigal in expences -upon me; I gave him full freedome with me, and I -cornuted this as well as I had done my other Husband; -he spent much of his time in gaming, and was -very earnest at it with his Guests: and while he was at -his game, I and my Gallant were at ours. My friend -for his greater pretence of freedom in our house, would -humour my Husband, and Game with him, and lose -his money; for indeed my Husband was at that sport -the better Gamester, although my friend pleased me -better at the other; by these extravagancies of his, -and his losses at Gameing, he in time came to a low -ebb of money in his pocket, and was necessitated to -withdraw, and lessen his expences; so that he was not -so welcome to me or my Husband as he had been: for -I was of the Old Womans Opinion, <em>No longer Pipe, -no longer Dance</em>: as he avoided expences I shunn’d -his Company; and having Friends enough who desired -to be my Customers, I endeavoured to be rid of him. -He still continued his wonted freedome, and desiring -my Company abroad; and so confident he was -grown, that he would ask my husbands leave, who -had not yet refused him; and therefore a Comedy being -to be acted at a Town not far off, he gained my -<span class='pageno' id='Page_34'>34</span>company to go with him; I had other company that -I liked better than his, but I could not shift him off, -although I very much endeavoured it.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The Play being done, he desired to treat me privately, -which I accepted of, having a design to manage -that was newly come in my head, and which was -this: I had seen a Gentlewoman at the Play, who had -a new silk Gown, of a pretty colour and fashion, I -was resolved to beg such another of him, and in case -of refusal, to break with him totally: I therefore took -my opportunity, and when he desired his wonted freedom -with me, I told him he was mistaken, and I absolutely -refused, and forbid him turning up any more -Coats then he was willing to pay for: he asked what -I meant by my discourse and refusal: I told him unless -he would give me such a new Gown as I prescribed -to him, he should have no more to do with me: my -Gentleman was as blank as a Bell founder, and his -courage was somewhat cooled at my demands; so that -he soon arose, and walked up and down in a musing -posture; at length he spake, and made some excuses -and pauses: but I being resolved on the question, told -him, that he had forborn his Pension a great while, and -therefore I was resolved he should be the more liberal, -and that I would to try his love by performing that -request; if he would not grant my desires, I would -also refuse him his; but if he would give me such a -Gown, he should still oblidge me, and have the first -taking of it up. Come, come, said he, you and I will -not fall out for such a matter as that, and you shall -have it, or any thing else that is in my power, or indeed -that you can wish for; and within these three dayes -I will send it you, on condition that I may have a full -nights lodging with you, well, replyed I, be you so -good as your word, and I will order the matter so, as -<span class='pageno' id='Page_35'>35</span>you shall have your desire: and thus we having clapt -up a bargain, concluded the discourse with two or -three kisses; and so after a considerable repast, we returned -home, and there we parted; he to contrive -how to be so good as his word, and I to order my -Husbands absence, that we might lye together, as I -had promised.</p> - -<p class='c000'>My Gallant examining the matter, found that at -present the strength of his Pocket would not be sufficient -to accomplish his desire, and therefore he supplyed -that defect by the strength of wit; he visited the -Gentlewoman who was owner of the Gown, and being -of her acquaintance, he requested her to let him -have her Gown to shew a Taylor to make such another -by for a Sister of his; his desires being modest -were the sooner granted; and a Taylor of his acquaintance -receiv’d it of her, and immediately at his -commands brought it to me, I accepted it with a smileing -countenance, and giving him a small piece of Money -for his pains, dismiss’d him; when soon after my -friend likewise followed; and my Husband being absent, -we concluded that night to devote our selves holy -to <em>Venus</em>; and he being us’d to lye at our house, it -was no great difficulty for him to quit his bed and -come to mine, where we spent all that night in all -those amorous enjoyments that we could devise: but -he thinking he had paid dear for his nights pleasure, -was resolved to have something more into the bargain; -and that he might engage me another time, if -I fell out with him, as he foresaw I would; wherefore -he taking his opportunity when I was asleep, slipt no -less then three of my Rings off from my fingers, and -put them on his; and early in the morning he left me -and my Bed, and went into his own: and having before -contrived now to play his Cards, he went to the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_36'>36</span>Taylor, and advised him to come to me, and tell me -he had forgot to finish somewhat that was very necessary, -and had been omitted to be done in the Gown, -and therefore he was come to fetch it, that it might -be mended, and he might have no disgrace by his work; -I being without all suspition, and seeing indeed there -were some defects, which he shewed me, delivered it -to him, desireing him to make haste with it, because I -intended to have it home before my Husbands return, -and then to tell him that my Father had sent it me; -but I reckond before my Host; for although I waited -two or three dayes, and sent to the Taylor, and asked -my false friend, yet I could have none, but idle excuses -and flashes; so that in conclusion I found my self -cheated; for as I understood afterwards, the Gown -was presently sent home to the right owner; whom I -saw wear it the next sunday; and then knew it, by -some particular marks to be the same. This passage -vexed me to the heart; but I was three times more -angry when I missed my Rings, and upon examination -found that he had beguil’d me of them; and indeed -for further confirmation, I saw them upon his fingers; -this (said she) extreemly perplexed and inraged me; -so that then I converted all my love into (its contrary) -hatred, and studyed nothing so much, as how to -compass revenge. He finding that I was angred, refrained -my Company at present, and that gave opportunity -to another, who had long time courted me at a -distance, to lay a closer siege to me; and he so far -prevailed with me, what with gifts, treats and presents, -that I promised him that in short time he should reap -the fruits of his desired Harvest; but I was resolved -to make him instrumental in my revenge upon my <a id='corr36.33'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='abusier'>abuser</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_36.33'><ins class='correction' title='abusier'>abuser</ins></a></span>; -and to that end I thus broke the matter to -him.</p> - -<p class='c000'><span class='pageno' id='Page_37'>37</span>Sir, your friendship and love I very much esteem; -and believing you to be sincere, and one in whose -breast I may repose trust and confidence; I shall discover -somewhat to you, that may for the future be -of good consequence to us both; and it is this: I believe -you have not been so dim sighted, but you have -observed more than common familiarity between me -and Mr. such a one, naming my abusive Lover; some -presents he hath given me, for which he expected more -freedome with me than I was willing to impart; but I -still kept him at a distance, although he pressed hard -upon me to enjoyment; which I not thinking fit at -present to permit, he began to clamour, at length -through his importunities, I consented he should lye -with me at such a time, on condition he gave me such a -silk Gown as I named; to this he agreed, and sent in -the Gown accordingly: now it so fell out, that I could -not perform what he expected, and therefore delay’d -him for a few dayes longer, till my Husband should be -absent, promising then to keep touch with him; but -whether he not believing me, or else the necessity of -returning the Gown, which he had but borrowed, as -I since found; one or both these reasons induced him -to be false to me, and by a while he got the Gown out -of my hands; and he was not content with doing that -only, but he also intending to abuse me further, when -we were toying together, cheated me of three of my -rings; which he as a Trophy of his Victory, and my -weakness and shame, still wears on his fingers; and I -fear he is so prodigal and lavish of his tongue, as to -bray to his acquaintance, that he had those as my -gifts for unhandsome service done me.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Thus did I disguise the truth of my dealings with -my abusive Lover, and having given my new one this -account, desiring his assistance in a revenge: to this he -<span class='pageno' id='Page_38'>38</span>quickly answered, that as for the Gown I had been -so out-witted in, he would make up that loss, by -giving me another; and so he would also for the rings, -if I pleased; or else compel my abusive lover to deliver -them; and in all things else he would vindicate -my credit. I replyed to him, that I would not have any -compulsion, for that would make too much noise; -but rather have his assistance in my revenge, which I -had thus contrived.</p> - -<p class='c000'>I would have him possess my Husband with jealousie -against my abusive Lover, and leave the rest to my ordring, -which I managed thus: I gave my abusive Friend -more freedom, & shewed a kinder Countenance than I -had done of late, & that only to draw him on, which -I did with much ease, for he had a great desire to be -friends with me, and upon our first convenient parley, -he confessed himself guilty, & made some trivial excuses, -which I admitted of, as I did his love, in hopes to -gain my rings, and a revenge; as for the rings, he -presently returned me one, and promised the other -two the third night following, when I agreed to lye -with him, promising so to order the matter, that my -Husband should be then out of the house; we after -this parley parted, and my new friend had so dealt -with my Husband, in discovering my abusive Friends -freeness and privacy with me, that he now became absolutely -jealous, and intended to make me sensible of -his anger; but I knowing where the shooe wrung him, -was before hand, and the next night told him, that if -he did not take some speedy course, I was in danger, -and he too, to be abused by my abusive Lover; for -said I, he hath gotten two of my rings, and shews them -abroad, reporting he had them of me, as tokens of -my dishonour; and to me he will not deliver them, unless -<span class='pageno' id='Page_39'>39</span>I will promise him a nights lodging: now said I, -if you have a mind to save my honour, your own, and -revenge us both on him, I will thus do; I will seemingly -consent that he shall come to bed to me to morrow -night, and to that end, I will have you pretend to go -out of Town; but instead of your going, I will go to -such a friends house, and there I’le stay; you shall lye -in my Bed, and at the hour I will appoint him he will -come to bed to you, when you and your friends, and -servants, I hope taking him in the manner, will so handle -him, as he shall have little cause to boast of his nights -lodging; and you and I shall be sufficiently revenged -on him for thus attempting my Chastity.</p> - -<p class='c000'>To all this discourse my Husband gave very good -attention; and it corresponding with what he suspected, -he now wholly quitted any suspitious thoughts -of me, and agreed to execute all I had propounded; so -that when the time came, my Husband pretended to -lye out, took his leave of me, and my abusive Friend, -who was glad of his absence: I made haste with him -to bed, telling him about ten a Clock he might come -safely into my Chamber, and bed which he knew well -enough, not to mistake the way. I then left him, and -taking horse, went to my new friend, who expected -me at our appointed Rendevouz, where he presented -me with the desired Gown, and I according to my -promise, gave him a nights lodging with me, which -was much more pleasant to us both, than was that of -my abusive Friend; who at the hour appointed, went -to my Chamber, and into the Bed where my husband -was expecting him; he believing it was I, began his -embraces, and other actions, declaring his intent; -with that my husband leap’d out of the Bed, and four -good Old Women of my Friends, who were hid under -the bed, discovered themselves, and having a dark -<span class='pageno' id='Page_40'>40</span>Lanthorn, lighted the Room, and fell to work: first, -they tyed his hands and feet to the posts of the Beds -Head and feet; and then each being provided with a -good handful of Birch laid on lustily, till he roar’d -sufficiently; my Husband making offer to geld him: -but when it came to that point, he begg’d so heartily, -that my Husband consented to his desire, only he -paid the two rings he had of mine, as ransome for his -Jewels.</p> - -<hr class='c007' /> -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c003'>CHAP. V.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c008'><i>Her abused and whipt Lover vows revenge, which is -done in part; afterwards he is kill’d, yet kills his -Corrival: the manner how, with other things -very remarkable.</i></p> - -<p class='c004'>Never did the Canicular dayes infuse into Dogs a -greater madness and fury, than did this whipping -in Loves School inrage the minde of our sufficiently -jerkt Amorist; which for the present (whilst under -his Chirurgions hands) he durst not express; for -all that he could do, was to supplicate them not to deprive -him of what would make him stand as a Neuter -between the Sexes of humane Generation; which -they granted him.</p> - -<p class='c000'>With much hazard, and greater fear, escaping their -hands, only in his shirt, without shooe or stocking, he -got out into the streets; and being overjoy’d that he -was secure, but had the black mantle of night to conceal -his shame, and convey him home, without the -knowledge of the Town inhabitants, ran through the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_41'>41</span>streets with all speed imaginable; but, by the way, -meeting with a sharp stone, it so hurt his foot, that he -was compell’d to slacken his pace, and lamely limp to -his lodging. The Clock had then struck twelve (an -hour wherein supposed Bugg-bears walk, to frighten -Children) as he could see just before him two women, -whom a third had raised from their warm beds by her -incessant cries, proceeding from the intollerable pains -she then indured, being ready to be delivered, to hasten -to call up a fourth, <em>viz.</em> a Midwife. Haste on both -sides had made them so carelesly heedless in their way, -that they were within a spit and a stride of each other, -before they could discern one the other. My cheating, -and cheated Leacher perceived the women first, which -put him to a stand, what he were best to do, either to go -forward, or backward; they, on the other side, seeing -a thing all in white stand opposit in their way, judged it -to be the troubled spirit of the lately diseased Husband -of this woman they were going to fetch the Midwife -for. He, on the other hand, resolved to go forward; -and they seeing him approach them (skreeking out) -ran back as fast as they could; who being stopt by the -watch, and demanded why they made that hideous outcry, -made answer, they had met the Devil, or some -thing like him. Condemning the womens idle and -causless fears (as they judged) they advanced forwards, -armed with Bills, Halberts, but principally with -an unparallell’d resolution. My Gallant had stept into -a by-corner, when the woman cried out to secure -himself from what might ensue that unexpected -allarum, fully resolved to run home to his lodging -directly, with what speed he might; he started out just -as the Watch were advanc’d within half Pistol-shot of -him; the sudden surprize confirmed them in the womens -report, so that, without consideration there was -<span class='pageno' id='Page_42'>42</span>not one of these desperate Kill-Devils to be seen, but -such as with a too precipitate haste, lay tumbling in -the Kennel, one over the other. This accident gave -new wings to my Lovers feet, which were so benumm’d -with cold, that he very much stood in need of such -<em>Icarian</em> practices, <em>Dædalian</em> inventions.</p> - -<p class='c000'>In conclusion, with much knocking, he made a shift -to get in. His Landlady (who was a Widow) seeing -him in this condition, charg’d him home, asking, -Where he had been, how he came thus to lose his -skin? Whether he had been robb’d? Though -wanting Garments, yet he would not be without a -Cloak to hide this Venereal enterprize of his, and -therefore replied, That falling into ill company, it was -his ill hap to fall into that damn’d itch, that tickling -humour of playing; that having won something, and -like to win more, they would not let him play longer, -but seizing him, stript him, and would have done, I know -not what, had not his flight procured his safety.</p> - -<p class='c000'>His loving Landlady believing that he was thus -really abused, conducts him to her own warm bed, -and like a kind friend would not let him lie alone, -for fear of catching cold. But his Breech was so sore, -he could not lie on his back; and so troubled were -his thoughts, he had no mind to lie upon his belly. -His Landlady finding him so backward, imagined the -cause to proceed from his being too forward abroad -with others, and gathered by too many apparent -symptoms, that she was much deceived in his pretended -continencie at home; and being hartily vext -to be thus disappointed of her expectations, she leapt -out of bed, telling him angrily, she had more lodgings -and Lodgers in her house, and would not be beholden -to him for either; and had she known so much before -she did let him in, as she hath done since, she would -<span class='pageno' id='Page_43'>43</span>have tried how the cooling Julip of standing in the -street all night in his shirt, would have wrought with -his feaverish concupiscence.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Netled he was to the purpose to hear his Landlady -(who had ever since their first acquaintance born him -a more than common kindness and respect) thus taunt -at him; but his thoughts were so absolutely taken up -with a subject of another nature, that he returned her -not one word; which so exasperated her spirits, not to -be replyed unto; that laying aside discretion, with her -modesty, she was resolved to ring him a peal in the <em>ear-ratling-Rhetorick</em> -of <em>Billingsgate</em>. How now, (said she) -is it not enough that my Servants, from time to time, -have sate up late, or rather early, but that I must be -disturb’d from my rest, to give repose to a restless <em>Stallion</em>? -Shall my roof prove the <em>Protector</em> to such <em>Caterwawling -Night-walkers</em>? Is it not enough, that I have -furnished you continually with money, but you must -ungratefully make that the <em>Common-procurer</em> of your -private Veneries abroad, and those gawdy Clothes I -gave you must be the <em>Gentleman Usher</em> that must lead -you to them? Are all your former respects come to -this? are your hot pretences grown so cold at home, -that nothing can warm them, but a fire in another -mans Chimney, made there at my expences? She -would have proceeded, but that her clamorous tongue -interrupted her, by raising one of Her Lodgers, who -came down at that instant, to know what the matter -was; when my Come-Rogue, not induring her rallery -longer, rudely bid her, rather than gently desired her -to go to bed; begging that she would not trouble him -after that manner, charging her with incivility, for -disturbing him from his rest.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The Gentleman, that came down the stairs, hearing -this; and judging she had prostituted those kindnesses -<span class='pageno' id='Page_44'>44</span>to one that scornfully refused them, which he had so -frequently sollicited her for partly for pleasure, but -principally for profit, had not the patience to check -her for it in any other place, than these down-right; -outragiously bellowing forth, Am not I the oldest -Guest in your house, and not a penny in your Debt? -Have not I pamper’d you at home, and Coacht you -abroad, till I have not had a wheel in my pocket -for your extravagant delights to move further on; -and have afterwards stab’d my Credit, that you -might deliciously feed, and satiate your self on the -blood of the grape: then (when few refuse to give -themselves satisfaction) I have attempted to enjoy -what you now prostitute; but you kept me at that -distance, I knew not whether your breath stunk or -not. Nay, I have made use of Critical minutes to -purchase my desire, more especially then, when I -could see by the flaming of your eyes, what conspiracies -wine and wanton discourse had formed -within you, to fire the Fortress of the most resolved -Chastity. And shall you now be bid to go to bed? -be begg’d to retire from your satiated Lovers embraces? -how can you stand thus impudently in your -smock in a mans Chamber, and yet commanded to -be gone? Come, you forget your self; your <em>dark-Lanthorn -delights</em> have dazzled the sight of your -Reason; and let this (kicking her with his foot) -light you to your own Chamber; and withal laying -hold on her, would have forcibly thrust her out; -which rude carriage of his made her cry out aloud, -fearing some further mischief.</p> - -<p class='c000'>This out-cry so startled my Gentleman in bed, that -not enduring to hear his Land-lady so grosly abused, -got up, and closing with him, threw him; and having -no other weapons, but their fists, pounded one another -<span class='pageno' id='Page_45'>45</span>to some purpose. The Woman fearing what mischief -might ensue, put her head out at the window, -and cryed Murder as loud as she could bawl; the -Watch (hearing murder cryed out) came <a id='corr45.4'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='running to to'>running to</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_45.4'><ins class='correction' title='running to to'>running to</ins></a></span> -the house with all speed (not dreaming they should -see again that Spirit which had so lately frighted them) -and perceiving a great bustle in the house, and the same -horrid noise continuing, they broke open the doors, -and entring, found two men scuffling in their shirts, -having blooded one the other sufficiently (this bleeding -excused very well the other blood that came from -the firked-back and breech of my Gallant) I say, -finding them in this bloody condition, they doubted -they had injured one another with some sharp instrument; -they needed not to search farther than their -hands, having neither of them more cloathes to conceal -anything than what modesty commanded. Notwithstanding -they were parted by the Watch, yet they -could not hold their hands off one another; which -caused the Watch to interpose again, and now they -resolved to secure them that night (from further mischieving -one the other) at the Watch-houses, and so -commanded them to put on their Cloaths; which the -one quickly did, but the other could not. It would -have been worth all my revenge to have seen in what -confusion he stood, at that word of command, or to -have known what the watch-men thought when they -saw their Prisoner could finde no Cloaths.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Though their wonder was great, yet they resolved -to have their curiosity resolved; and therefore askt -him, where were his cloaths, and how he come, or -how he could be without them? by the way, surely -there was not much wit in that Constable and his -Watch: for had they had any, they might presently -have concluded (from the posture they found those -<span class='pageno' id='Page_46'>46</span>Gentlemen in) that they were a couple of mendicant -Poets, who had but one suit of apparrel between -them, that when the one went abroad, a wheedling, -the other was forc’d to lye a bed a staring; and disputing -who should next scout abroad to find out the -Enemies of famine, and not agreeing upon the point, -fell together by the ears. But to return where I left of, -the Constable having interrogated him as aforesaid, he -<a id='corr46.9'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='endeavouring'>(endeavouring</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_46.9'><ins class='correction' title='endeavouring'>(endeavouring</ins></a></span> to excuse himself, and palliate the scuruy -usage of his revengeful Mistriss) answered him, that -walking that after noon, it was his mischance, by a -push of that Gentleman they found him fighting with, -to fall into a <em>Common-house</em>, (Pox on his witty allusion) -and that having no suit than that, he intended to -have lain in bed till it had been cleansed and dried. -That the Gentleman aforesaid would not let him rest, -but came into his Chamber, and with scoffing and -irritating expressions, provok’d him to rise, and endeavour -to be rid of his trouble.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The other told the Constable, that what was said -was a greater lye than the Devil could invent; that the -cause of the Quarrel was his endeavouring to hinder -his Leachery that night, by preventing his Landlady -from going to bed to him. The Woman hearing this, -replyed, they were both of them a couple of confounded -lyars, and (that she might make one of the -number) told them; that they intended to have ravisht -her, and that the one breaking up her Chamber-door, -the other followed, and fell together by the ears, who -should be the first Actor in their damn’d design: to -prevent which, she was compell’d to cry out Murther, -upon which they withdrew out of her Chamber, and -went into one of their own, where (said she) you -find them like a couple of malicious dogs, fighting for -that morsel neither of the Curs is ever likely to taste of.</p> - -<p class='c000'><span class='pageno' id='Page_47'>47</span>This Forgery was more semblable to probability -in the Constables opinion, than any thing else he had -heard. Wherefore not to spend further time in examination, -he charged his Watchmen with my two -Gentlemen, and so inconsiderately rash he was, that -he vow’d they should go with him; and had carried -them in that very condition, had not the Woman of -the house interceeded, that she might cloath his nakedness -as well as she could for the present; hereupon she -furnished him with a Peticoat of her own, having no -other Cloathes that would fit him: instead of a cloak, -she helpt him to a red Rugg; and to crown all, she -clapt upon his head her straw-hat. Had it been day-light, -it would have been worth twelve pence a piece -to have seen this <em>Slavonian</em>, whose garb, for strangeness, -the barbarous World might admire, but never -imitate. I do not hear that he over-slept himself that -night; nor can I believe that the morning gave his -eyes no great satisfaction, in viewing the preposterousness -of his habit; and his Twinklers lookt, as I -am inform’d, as if they had been imployed in nothing -all that night, but on looking on the <a id='corr47.22'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='phatasms'>phantasms</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_47.22'><ins class='correction' title='phatasms'>phantasms</ins></a></span> of -some of his dead and damn’d acquaintance.</p> - -<p class='c000'>I slept but little my self, that night, partly, by -thinking how this <a id='corr47.25'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='revengful,'>revengful</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_47.25'><ins class='correction' title='revengful,'>revengful</ins></a></span> plot of mine would take -effect, but chiefly, by reason of my unsatisfied Bed-fellow, -who kept me waking, in spight of my teeth. -However I arose early, and being but a little way distant, -soon got home; where arrived, I understood from -my husband, that my Rings were restored, that he had -left me his Breeches, as owning me his Master; and so -he might well acknowledge, for he was never so whipt -for being a naughty Boy, as I caused him to be; and -well he escap’d so, having like to have left behind him -a most pretious remedy against several female distempers; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_48'>48</span>a <em>Recipe</em>, as infallible against all manner of obstructions, -as ever was applyed to any <em>Chalk</em>, or <em>Oatmeal -Eater</em>, since <em>Eve</em> lay in with <em>Cain</em> in her first -<em>Child bed</em>. Immediately after I heard of the rest of -that Knights incomparable Adventures, and how he -was secured; and had a particular account of the pleasant -dress he was in: never did any thing tickle me -more, than the Relation, how amply and fully I was, -revenged of him; yet I could not but entertain a -thought that might incline to pity him; but it would -extend no further then than to send him his Cloathes, -and withall a Letter, to give my self the plenary -satisfaction of laughing at him; and those sufferings -he underwent by my procurement; the words and -sense were to this purpose.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> -<div class='nf-center c009'> - <div>The Letter.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>Sir,</p> - -<p class='c000'><i>I am much troubled that one of your age and experiance -should prove so meer a</i> Novice <i>in</i> Loves-School, -<i>as to be guilty of an amorous</i> erratum, <i>that -should deserve the lash: I see now you are a meer</i> Baby -<i>in our Sex, and ought to be whipt again into a better -understanding. What, trust that Woman whom you -have abused! Why, a Child of the</i> first head, <i>in the</i> nonage -<i>of Amorous matters, in the</i> Hanging sleeves <i>of -Courtship, knew this as a</i> Maxime--<i>that if Love, -though never so fervent, be once by abuse converted -into hatred, the woman is indefatigable in her -revenge, till</i> Death <i>hath put an end to the Controversie. -Henceforth be better advised from me, how -you behave your self before your little</i> Sparkling -Goddesses <i>(as wantonly you are pleased to call -them;) if you will preserve your good esteem -<span class='pageno' id='Page_49'>49</span>and be dayly cherisht with their Soul-winning and ravishing -Smiles, you must not be relax in your offerings; -but if by slighting, cozenage, &c. you instigate their incest</i> -Deities <i>to revenge, nothing but an absence, as distant -as the two Poles, shall protect you from their subtle and -speedy revenge. And now, thank me Sir, that mine hath -fallen so slightly on your Shoulders, having given a stript -Simmar, for the Gown I should have had: I am sorry -though, I had not secured you</i> witnesses of manhood, -<i>that they might have been</i> Testimonies <i>continually by -me, to assure my self you will not for the future abuse my -love, by fondly affecting an other. Lastly, hearing that -you are clad, as if you were sent</i> Embassadour <i>from the</i> -Northern Witches <i>to their</i> Emperor <i>the</i> Devil, <i>I -thought fit to send you some Cloaths (in lieu of those -Rings you left with my Husband) which are more sutable -for humain conversation. But let me advise you, -haunt me no more in them, lest I conjure you out of them -again, and the Devil into you. Be wise, and have a care -of being amorous, when pennyless.</i></p> - -<div class='c011'>Your abused, in part</div> -<div class='c011'>revenged, <i>&c.</i> </div> -<p class='c000'>I commanded the Messenger to observe his carriage -in reading the Letter; who told me, all the mad-men -in the World, put them altogether, could not in their -most extravagant gestures, have exprest madness so to -the life as he did. However, he was not so mad, but -that he did put on his Cloaths, which upon old acquaintance -so complyed, as to fit him to a hair. Soon -after he was discharged; and now invoking the Devil -to be of his Cabinet Council, he walkt into a solitary -place, that he might hatch mischief, that is, be revenged -on me, my Husband, or any else that he supposed -<span class='pageno' id='Page_50'>50</span>might be his rivals. He was quickly furnished -with a mischievous design, agreeable to his desire; and -how could he otherwise, for there are millions of hellish -imps of the worser sort, who continually attend -the motions of the malitious and revengeful, to execute -the commands of such who care not how they -precipitate others and themselves into ruine and destruction.</p> - -<p class='c000'>This stratagem he contrived, by the help of a little -credit he had yet surviving, he puts himself into -a new riding garb, mounted with sword and pistol; -having gotten a Perriwig of a colour clean contrary to -what he usually wore; having for the better carrying -on his Plot, procured a false beard, with a black patch -on one of his eyes; in this disguise, the most discerning -eye of his most intimate, and familiar friends and -acquaintance, could not have discovered him who he -was. In this equipage he rides out of town, some -half-score miles, only to dirty his horse and boots; -and leaves a Letter with a Friend to be delivered -to my own hands, in these terms.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><span class='pageno' id='Page_51'>51</span>The Answer to the former Letter.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>Madam,</p> - -<p class='c000'><i>Or rather Mad-dame, for she that is madder that you -was begotten in</i> Monte Gibello, <i>where troubling -the Sulphurous wombe of that burning Mountain, was -belcht into the World, and carried on the back of a whirlwind, -to disturb the inhabitants thereof. Think not I will -trouble my self to answer particularly every flouting invective, -the which your letter is stuft withal, but shall -tell you in general, you are too dangerously wicked for my -acquaintance; and he that intends to contract a friendship -with</i> Hell, <i>must first shake hands with you; your -eyes will be his light, to guide him; your cheeks, and -breasts, are his highway; and your mouth the gate or entrance -thereinto. I do not intend to buy repentance at -so dear a rate, as ever to see you again; therefore your -threats were needless. I am not yet fallen in love with -my winding-sheet, that I should court Death, or hug a -Contagion. My sense of smelling is indifferently well -recovered of its late distemper, and can now distinguish -the scent of sound Bodies from putrifaction. My eyes -too have regained their sight, and can plainly see the she-devil -in you, maugre all the paint, and</i> fucus, <i>that is on -that daub’d face of thine. Prithee name me not at -any time, <a id='corr51.26'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='best'>lest</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_51.26'><ins class='correction' title='best'>lest</ins></a></span> thy breath for ever poyson my memory; -and to that intent, forget that ever I had a being; and -so wishing thou never hadst one, I take my eternal farewell -of thee,</i> &c.</p> - -<p class='c004'><span class='pageno' id='Page_52'>52</span>This Letter he sent me, to the intent I might believe -he was so far from revenging himself on me, that -he never intended to see me more; by which means he -facilitated his purpose. In prosecution thereof; late -in the evening he came to Town, and directed his -course to our house; upon his alighting, he seemed -much tyred, which we verily believed, his horse being -all of a foam; and desiring his Chamber might be -shewn him, it was done accordingly; and order being -taken for a Sack-posset, he supt it up, and laid -his head to rest; he lay abed somewhat long the next -day, pretending indisposition by reason of his long -journey, but getting up; he seemed somewhat pleasant, -calling for a pint of Sack for his and his Land-ladyes -Mornings draught, assuring me, that as a -stranger he would not be indebted for any civilities he -should receive in my house. I on the other side, seeing -him so forward to part from his money, gave him -a considerable lift by my usual way of spunging. -Dinner time approaching I askt him what he would -have; who ordered me to provide variety of what -was in season; not imagining that Table, on which -this meat should stand, should so soon prove the Stage -on which a bloody Tragedy must be acted. A little -before we sate down to dinner, I sent for my friend -(that lay with me that night I acted my revenge) to -participate in our good cheer; who coming, we sate -down together, there being no other, than this disguised -Gentleman, my Husband, my Self, and Friend. -We did eat, and drink freely; about half dinner this -Gentleman seemed to be very officious in helping me, -at last, Madam, said he, I will help you to one bit -more, which you shall not refuse for my sake; I returning -him thanks, in an instant he whipt off with his -knife, my Husbands ear, and laid it hastily on my -<span class='pageno' id='Page_53'>53</span>Trencher; and turning his head quick about, be not -angry, Sir, (said he) you shall have bitt for bitt; -and thereupon endeavoured to cut off my nose, but -I was to nimble for him, and by running out escap’d -the danger; my Friend observing what had past, being -too suddenly done to be prevented, stept from -the Table, and drawing, bid the Rogue disguised draw -too, or he would pin him to the wall, for this matchless -piece of villany; whereupon he did, but behaved -himself so ill, that my friend wounded him desperately -in the body at the first pass; concluding he had received -his Mortal wound, he resolved not to die alone, -wherefore he made a full pass, and so running upon -his Adversaries point, each dyed at once by the swords -of one another. I soon returned with a long train -of <em>Mirmidons</em>, whom I had instructed how to chastise -this insolence; but Lord! what a confusion was I in, -when I saw the two combatants lye dead on the floor, -and my Husband gazing on them motionless, like one -converted into a Statue for the loss of his ear; which -he should have lost, by right, long before that time.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Some more busie then the rest, stirring their bodies, -the false beard of the disguised fell off, by which he -was presently known who he was; and because it -was every where known through the town, how this -Gentleman had spent what he had on me, and was abused -for his pains; I was immediatly cryed out upon, -as the Authoress of all this mischief, I endeavoured -to excuse my self, by relating what he had done; <em>viz.</em> -the cutting my Husbands Ear off and the endeavouring -to cut off my Nose; but this allegation signified -little. Searching his pockets, they found a note, or letter, -sealed, & seeing it was directed to me, they then, without -my consent, break it open, imagining they should -find therein the mystery of this tragical encounter but -all they could discover was only his intention of cutting -<span class='pageno' id='Page_54'>54</span>off my Nose, and my Husbands Ear: the Lines -were these which follow.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><i>Insatiate Strumpet; perjur’d-painted-Whore,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Who hast the vice of all thy Sex, and more,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Devil, nay worse; for thou canst by thy face</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Make Men Apostate in the State of Grace.</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>By thee I fell; then did my</i> Pagan <i>knee</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Oft render Worship to thy Devilree.</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>I (being converted) Idols won’t allow;</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Down must the</i> Dagon <i>of thy face I vow.</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>See where it lyes; that Idol, once ador’d,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Must be for want of it, by all abhor’d.</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Thy Husband lends an Ear, then let thy Nose,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>To</i> Sister-Sense <i>her wretched State disclose.</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>And then consult thy Glass; See thy fare face</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Is vanisht, and Deaths-head stands in the place.</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Thy lips some</i> Nectar <i>sipt from I suppose</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Will be exclaim’d on, fogh, they want a Nose.</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>And may thy sparkling eyes, which me did win,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Be thought to kindle from a fire within.</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>May ulcers seize thee, for the wrong th’ast done,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>And living rott, without compassion.</i></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c000'>The rumour of this sad disaster ran swifter than a -Torrent through the Town; insomuch that our house -was so cram’d with People, that our servants were -forc’d to acquit their imployments, to give room to the -inquisitive In-comers, a chirurgeon was sent for to dress -my Husband; & a Coroner to sit upon the other two -that were slain; glad I was, that I had the opportune -excuse to leave the Company; and attend my Husband; -by which means I avoided the hearing so many -thousand accrimations that were laid to my charge. -In the meantime the Jury found their Deaths hapned -<span class='pageno' id='Page_55'>55</span>by Man-slaughter: and so thereby though we were -present, we could not be found accessories.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The noise of this accident did also flye into the -Countrey, not escapeing the ear hardly of any one -Guest that frequented our House; report had rendred -the Fact so horrible, and my Husband and Self so notoriously -accessory thereunto, and now all our former -wickedness, and roguery was drawn up in a long -Scrol, and this last added in Capitals, to make up a -compleat Sum of Villany. By which means we had -little resort to our House; and our House-rent being -great, and our Trading small, my Husband and I were -now necessitated to put our heads together, by some -other means to patch up a future lively-hood. Thou -seest, said he, the more serious, and reputable sort of -People, shun our house, as if old <em>Belzebub</em> were there -sitting abrood to hatch those diseases which should be -the destruction of the Universe. And therefore to be -revenged of their thus slighting us, I will meet them -abroad, and what moneys they forbear to spend with -me, I will compel them to lend, and more. Though -I am not stout and resolute enough of my self to do -this, yet thou knowest <em>Humphrey</em> our Tapster, is a -strong Fellow, and hath a good heart; he and I, fear -not, will do the business.</p> - -<p class='c000'>For my part, I must needs confess, I question’d not -<em>Humphrey’s</em> performances, having made tryal again -thereof; I ever fancyed to try experience, and marking -what a rough-hew’n Fellow he was, all Bone and -Sinew, with a face like a tann’d Bulls hide, I could not -be at quiet, till I had found the difference between this -Man, nerv’d with wire, and others, that were clean -limb’d, and streight slender bodyed joynted like <em>Bartholomew -Babies</em>, with quaking Custard faces; but -so vast a disproportion between them, that were I -<span class='pageno' id='Page_56'>56</span>Widdow; and were courted by a Knight worth five -thousand pounds a year, with a handsom fair whitely -face, I should hardly be perswaded to accept of a Lady-ship, -but for the sake of his revenew.</p> - -<p class='c000'>To be short, Sir <em>Philip Sidney’s</em> Cowards were not -much ranker than my Husband; but, thought I, if he -hath courage enough to look a Man in the face, and -bid him stand, <em>Humphrey</em> hath strength, and valour -enough to compel them to deliver. Wherefore I perswaded -my Husband by all means to go forward with -what he had propounded: I was the more willing to -it, in hopes that he would be taken some time or other; -and as he was marked for a Knave, so he might -be hang’d for a Thief; and so be freed from an impotent -Husband. He seemed well satisfied that I -assented to his proposal, and look’d upon it to be a -good Omen, and promised success to his undertaking. -On the other side (said he) you must not be idle at -home; you know there is now none but the debauched -that resort to our house, and therefore suit their inclination, -if ought can be gotten by so doing. Your -daughter is young, and handsom, let her be the sign -to attract; but pray let me have you furnish your self -with other Utensils. The Boy too is no fool, who, by -observing your carriage, and direction, hath very ill -spent his time, if he cannot tolerably pimp as well -for others, as his Mother. Well, well, (said I) husband, -you are merrily disposed; look after your business, -I shall manage my own well enough, I warrant -you. My Husband and his Tapster, committed many -robberies in a little time: and very few but what were -on our Guests; who freely discoursing their affairs -over a glass of Wine after Supper, many times discovering -what store of money they carried with them, -and for what purpose, gave them a fair opportunity in -<span class='pageno' id='Page_57'>57</span>the Morning to set on them, and deprive them of it. -Nay, so little suspected he was of robbing, that several -have returned to our house after he hath robb’d -them, and made their complaint to him, how basely -they had been abused; it was alwayes his care, and -indeed therein he shewed the utmost of his prudence, -to return home with all the speed he might possibly, -after he had rob’d any; by which means, he and his -Man rob’d a long time secretly.</p> - -<p class='c000'>It was generally their good fortune to meet with -such as durst not fight them; a thing that Travellers -generally, and justly, are to be condemned for; who, -with easie parting with their money, they not only -shew how meanly spirited they are, but encourage the -Thief in his robberies. Whereas, on the contrary, -would they shew themselves as desperate, and as resolute -as their assaulters, it is my opinion they would -quickly turn tail, as not daring to venture the hazard -of the dispute. But to return, though my Husband succeeded -so well in his attempts, by meeting with none -but Cow-hearted fellows; yet once, waiting with his -man in a thicket, earely in the morning, for the passing -by of a Gentleman that had lain the night before -in our house, who had a considerable Sum of -Money, in his Port-mantle, there travelled by another -in the dawning of the day, whom, by a mistake, my -husband assaults; the other drawing a Pistol, fired it -at him, but mist him; however, the report had like -to have done as much mischief, as if the bullet had -past through his body, for with fear he fell from his -horse; and had like to have saved the Hangman a -labour, by breaking his own neck. Our Tapster -seeing his Master fall, and verily believing he -was kill’d by that was resolved to revenge his -death, had not he seen another come Rideing -<span class='pageno' id='Page_58'>58</span>to him (which was the Gentleman they lay in wait -for) which made him altar his purpose, and ride -away, for the preservation of his own life. The -Gentleman supposing too, that he had really dispatcht -this Pad, not seeing him move all this while (which -he confest to me afterwards, he politickly did, to the -intent he might be exempted from fighting, and securely -see the event of the Combat: the other two -that came to his assistance judg’d the same, and advised -him to ride away with all speed to the next Justice; -not only to avoid the present danger, for (said he) -this other Rogue is rid away but to get some more of -his fellows, to make a further attempt) but you will -also receive the thanks of the Country, for destroying -such Caterpillars, that eat up the Fruit of their -Land. Setting Spurrs to their Horses away they -Gallopt, to find out the next Justice; my Husband -perceiving they were gone, got up, and mounting rode -full speed home, without so much as once looking behind -him. Coming home, he found me almost drown’d -in tears, and half frighted out of my wits; not so -much for sorrow of his death (which news I had privately -sent me by our Tapster) but for fear, as soon as -it should be known who this slain Thief was, I should -have my goods instantly siezed on, and my doors shut -up. I was in a Room by my self, getting some Plate -together, with other choice portable things; and -coming to the stair head, with an intent to convey -them out of the house, met with my Husband full -butt; whose face being pale and wan, by reason of -his late great fear, possest me with so strong a conceit, -that this was his Ghost, that the fright made me skreek -out, and letting fall what I had in my Apron, I retreated. -This sudden surprize so amazed him, that -he stood indeed like an apparition at the Chamber-door, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_59'>59</span>and had not the power to come in: this increast -my belief, however, I pluckt up my Spirits, and boldly -askt him, what he was, and what he came for? He -sneakingly, in a low voyce, (for he was more than -half dead) answered, he was my Husband, and that he -came to see me. My Husband, said I is dead; and if -thou be his damn’d Ghost, I conjure thee, by all that -is good, presently depart, and trouble me not now, -since whilst living, I could never be content, nor at -quiet for thee. Not speaking one word, he turn’d his -back upon me, and went down stairs. I never believed -my self a Conjurer till now (although I have -been called Witch a thousand times) and indeed I -knew not what to think of it, (comparing altogether) -whether this was a phantasm, or not, but troubling -my thoughts no further about that matter, I took -up what I had dropt, and getting into the yard, would -have march’d off with what I had in my lap, had he -not hastened after me, and holding me fast by the arm, -told me, that he was not quite dead, though almost -frightned out of his life, and therefore begg’d me -I would not remove any thing that might tend to -his prejudice; and if I would walk in, he would tell -me his whole morning Adventure.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The two Gentlemen coming to the Justice, amply -declared what an eminent piece of Service they had -done their Country, by killing on the place one Padder, -and putting to flight another; and that if his -Worship pleased to Summon a quantity of the Parish, -to defend them if occasion should require, they would -shew them the place where the dead lay. Hereupon -there were a great many that offered themselves freely -to go along; but coming to the place, found neither -man, nor horse, nor the sign of one drop of blood. -The Countrey People finding themselves thus abused, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_60'>60</span>and not knowing what the design of these two Gentlemen -might be, in putting such a trick upon them, -laid hold on them, and carried them back to the -Justice; who being informed that there was not the -least appearance of what had pretendedly been done, -askt them the reason, why they thus abused themselves -and others, with meer forgeries: to which they both -replyed, that their eyes had seen what their tongues -related, and concluded, that other padders, confederate -with this, had carried off the Body of their Brother, -that they might avoid suspition. The Justice and -others were of the same opinion, and so the Gentlemen -were dismist.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Our Tapster hearing that his Master was in health, -returned home, resolving for the future, never to hazard -his life with so great a peice of cowardize; -and to speak the truth, it was high time to leave -off, since they were shrewdly suspected by the -whole Town to be High-way men, they being seen so -often together on Horse-back, both early and late. -My Trade however diminisht not, for I was taken -notice of, all the Country round, to be a dealer in secrets, -and ready money commodities; nay, there were -not a few honest mens wives, that would not stick to -trust me in the disposal of the whole <em>Cargo</em> of their -reputation. Nay, I was so excellent at my art, that -neither Privateer, nor Publican would act any difficult -matter without my advice. I could Pimp, if occasion -served most incomparably; and I was lookt upon -as the best <em>Procuress</em> in all our Countrey; which I -would not have been, but that I was so much tyred -with my daily, nay, hourly Visitants; for though Age -and Time have conspired to ruine the glories of my -face, I can assure you, the remains may inform any -they were good. Being so generally noted not only -<span class='pageno' id='Page_61'>61</span>for my beauty, but my art in <em>Pandarizing</em>, a Song was -composed on me by some riming <em>Doggril</em> or other, -which I will sing you thus, and so finish the Story of -my former lifes actions,</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>1. <i>At the Sign of the</i> Swan</div> - <div class='line in6'><i>There liveth a man,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>I go not about to deceive you;</i></div> - <div class='line in4'><i>Ten thousand to one,</i></div> - <div class='line in4'><i>If you come, he is gone,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>That his Wife may the better receive you.</i></div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>2. <i>Lovely brown is her hair,</i></div> - <div class='line in6'><i>Her face comely fair,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Her waste you may span, ’tis so slender;</i></div> - <div class='line in4'><i>Negro black are eyes,</i></div> - <div class='line in4'><i>Passing white are her thighs,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>All the allurements of</i> Venus <i>attend her.</i></div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>3. <i>Her Twins of delight,</i></div> - <div class='line in6'><i>(Which are alwayes in sight)</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Her breasts which are whiter than snow,</i></div> - <div class='line in4'><i>By their panting do beat</i></div> - <div class='line in4'><i>An Alarm to the feat,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>To combate her Lovers below.</i></div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>4. <i>With her smiles she invites</i></div> - <div class='line in6'><i>To taste her delights;</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Which I would, if I durst so presume;</i></div> - <div class='line in4'><i>But I fear she hath fires</i></div> - <div class='line in4'><i>Which will quench my desires,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>But my body to ashes consume.</i></div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>5. <i>She’s an excellent</i> Pimp,</div> - <div class='line in6'><i>The</i> Devils <i>best</i> Imp;</div> - <div class='line'><i>She’s a</i> Bawd, <i>she’s a whore, that’s too common</i></div> - <div class='line in4'><i>If you intend for to fly</i></div> - <div class='line in4'><i>Hells flames, come not nigh;</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>She’s a thing, that is worse than a</i> Woman.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c007' /> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_62'>62</span> - <h2 class='c003'>CHAP. VI.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c008'><i>Mrs.</i> Dorothy <i>goes with her new Acquaintance, who -perswades her to accommodate a barren Gentlewoman -a friend of hers, with her child, as soon as born. A -character of this Gentlewoman, and her amorous -practices: the manner of her being rob’d by one of -her Gallants; he is apprehended and executed. Mrs.</i> -Dorothy <i>is delivered of a Boy, who is made Heir to a -great Estate, and she highly rewarded for her consent.</i></p> - -<p class='c004'>The Old Woman having thus finisht her Story, -she addrest her self to me, saying, Dear Heart, -you see how free I have been with you, not concealing -from your knowledg any one remarkable passage of my -life, though never so infamous or scandalous. I, and -though our acquaintance is very young, yet put your -confidence in me, and question not, but that I shall so -assist you in the management of your concerns, -that you shall have cause to thank me as long as you -live. Hereupon she acquainted me, that there was a -Gentleman (not far off) well known to her, that -had been married a dozen years and upwards to a very -beautiful, and well proportion’d Gentlewoman; yet -had no issue by her; that for want of an Heir, the -Estate after his decease would fall to the younger Brother; -that it was a very great grief to the Gentleman, -but especially to his Wife; and (said she) this Gentlewoman -knowing me to be a person fit to be advised -withal about matters of this nature, often sent for me -to her house, where some years since, I counselled her -to make trial, whether she or Husband was in fault; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_63'>63</span>in order thereunto I have helpt her at times to the enjoyment -of at least a score of several lusty young -Persons. And because I would take the surest way, -she never had more than one at one time, and him neither -not above a quarter of a year together; he then -frustrating our expectations, I counsell’d her to make -tryal of another. The first I made choice of for -her, was a proper young flaxen-hair’d man, tall and -slender; a delicate young man he was indeed, whose -complexion (being Sanguine) furnished him with -more heat than is in any other temperature; which -made his hair like fine threads of Gold, twirl in rings, -or rather you might call them the lines and hooks -with which the little wanton God of love did usually -angle for female hearts; had you seen them, you -would have sworn that they were sufficient to catch -the heart of a <em>Vestal-Maiden</em>, or the most resolved <em>Votaress -to Chastity</em>, that ever had a being. His eyes, -quick and nimble, and penetrateing; he had a strong -fancy, a quick invention, and a most incomparable utterance; -and his carriage and deportment was incredible -winning; whose single touch of the hand was -sufficient to have thaw’d the most congealed-frozen -temper in the world into affection. Notwithstanding -all these allurements, and feir promising properties -with near upon an half years mutual converse with -each other, she found her expectations frustrated.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Being resolved to make further tryal (for she -would not be convinc’d that she was either defective -or barren,) she consulted me, how she might be rid -of this her amorous Hot-spur, and have some other in -his place, of a different constitution; alleadging that -she being of the same complexion, she verily believed -her impregnancy proceeded thence; saying further, -that she had heard several, as Well Physitions as -<span class='pageno' id='Page_64'>64</span>others strongly affirm, that the grand reason, why several -Women have no children, was the too near affinity -of their husbands complexion and constitution -to their own; and that on the other side, none more -infallible enjoy’d the fruits of their labours, the offspring -of their bodies, than such, whose corporal -temperaments were dissimilar or different.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Understanding her humour, I was resolved to comply -with her in whatsoever she desired (being so profitable -a friend to me) but I knew not how to displace -her Sanguine complexion’d Gallant, who grew -by this time a most passionate Lover; at length I bethought -me to perswade him to sollicite her waiting -Gentlewoman, making him believe that she was ardently -in love with him, and that she had a good Sum -by her, which would infallibly be at his devotion; my -credulous young Gamester greedily swallowed my -advice, and followed to a hair my dictations; having -won her (for I know not who could withstand him) -he came to me, and informed me of the time, and -place, that he should commence those delights they intended -to continue as long as life lasted; being joyful -of this opportunity, I presently addrest my self -to my Mistris, giving an account to her of her friends -new courtship, and when it should be consumated; -advising her to watch them, and catch them in the act, -by which means she should be freed from his future -addresses, and likewise confirm her Maids secresie and -fidelity to her. All which she performed, by threatning -her Maid to turn her away, and shame her to boot, if -ever she associated her self, or entertained him again -in her house; and calling him false, faithless man, and -I know not what, banisht him for ever from her presence -for his unconstancy.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The next Dick I pickt up for her was a man of a -<span class='pageno' id='Page_65'>65</span>colour as contrary to the former, as light is to darkness, -being swarthy; whose hair was as black as a -sloe; middle statur’d, well set, both strong and active, -a man so universally tryed, and so fruitfully succesful, -that there was hardly any female within ten miles -gotten with child in hugger-mugger, but he was more -than suspected to be Father of all the legitimate. Yet -this too, proved an ineffectual Operator. She now began -to suspect herself of barrenness; but being prompted -with hopes, and strangely induced by the sense of -pleasure which she reapt in the variety of her amorous -Confidents, she resolved on a third, a Gentle-man -of her own election, who having been a considerable -time a Student in the Inns of Court, was returned into -the Country, to enjoy that plentiful estate his -lately deceas’d father had left him, the antient Seat of -his Ancestors; of stature so low, that he could but -just take the upper-hand of a dwarf, being only elevated -by the pole above him. She was fain at first to -Court him, instead of his courting her: and indeed, I -could not see how he could presume (without her encouragement) -to caress a Gyantess, so much taller -than himself.</p> - -<p class='c000'>There was not so great a disproportion in their bodies, -as there were conformity and agreeableness in -their wills; and that the Soul of his which was coopt -up, and confined within too narrow limits, became -more active and vigorous; so that attacking her with a -lively and sprightful courage possessed himself of the -garrison without a tedious siege of a 12 months courtship, -his hair was of a darkish brown, or chest-nut colour, -not handsome enough to be a woman, yet too fair -to be a man. Though he was not tall, yet nature exprest -no irregularity in his formation: being symmetrical, -or proportionably composed from the lines -<span class='pageno' id='Page_66'>66</span>of his face you might have collected Capital Letters -enough to have spelt a Gentleman; and not an -action, or expression of his (excepting this of his too -intimate familiarity with another mans wife) which -did not largely declare the immensity of his Soul, and -the virtues that thereunto belonged.</p> - -<p class='c000'>So dearly she loved him, (that notwithstanding he -did not answer her expeditions in making her Belly -swell) she so doted on his Company, and converse, -that she gave her husband too many palpable causes -to suspect her honesty, and integrity towards him. -Not, but that for the sake of an Heir, <a id='corr66.12'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='which'>(which</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_66.12'><ins class='correction' title='which'>(which</ins></a></span> he question’d -whether he should ever get himself) he would -be content to wink (as he hath done several times) -at the freedome his wife hath taken with several others -besides himself. But looking on my little dapper -squire to be to little for that purpose, and -that would come short home, as to that business, -took an occasion to affront him, that it might produce -a quarrel, that should eloign him from his house, and -further intimacy with his wife. However, though he -had low and undervaluing thoughts of this Gentleman, -by reason of his stature, yet he found him in -field, full as tall as himself in true valour, being (as -we say) mettle to the back. It was the hap of this -Gentleman to be desperately wounded by the lesser, -and so dangerously, that it was supposed his wounds -would end all the future differences between them; -however recovering this Combate separated them eternally.</p> - -<p class='c000'>My Mistris was so well acquainted with the loss of -her Gallants, that she was not much troubled to be -deprived of the society of this last; but all her -trouble was, to get another in his room. Shee applyed -her self to me again, her undeceiving Oracle, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_67'>67</span>and received her accustomed comfort, that in a little -time I would procure her another, that should out-throw -the rest, at least a Barrs length; I was not -long in the procuration; for there was a Gentleman -that frequented our House, who spent his money very -freely, yet had not a foot of land, neither had he any -trade, or tools, but the high way, sword and pistol -to bring him in a lively hood. He was a lusty well -set man, and red-hair’d; a complexion that hath often -gone through-stich. I had often tryed him my self, and -therefore I could the better recommend him to a friend. -One day (his stock being low, and he at that time in our -house) he desired me to lend him half a peice. I being -glad of this opportunity, told him I would, and -withall desired to confer with him in private; he -joyfully accepted my motion, thinking I had some secret -design to take my accustomed use for the loan; -but he was strangly surprized, and even distracted with -excessive joy, when he heard me tell him, what a -Mistris I had provided for him; that he should have -his belly full of sporting, & be liberally paid for it too. -We appointed the day when I should introduce him into -his new Mistriss’s acquaintance, but with this condition, -that I should share with him in his gettings. It -was concluded on, and he possest of his Treasure, to -the full content of them both. My House was now his -constant receptacle, or dormitory, but when he was -in the embraces of his mistress; and he was very honest -in giving me my share, my half part, and commonly -spent the rest (to my advantage) of what he had received; -and to the intent the more might come into -my pocket, I advised her by all means not to starve his -service, but incourage him often with sums of money; -urging moreover, that the poor Gentleman could -not but be at great charges in maintaining himself -<span class='pageno' id='Page_68'>68</span>in a strange place, exiling himself freely from his own -habitation, to be near at her Command; beside the -great expence he is daily at in costly broths, jellies, -with other provocatives, or restorers of decai’d nature.</p> - -<p class='c000'>I needed not to have tempted her to liberality, she -being naturally prone thereunto; always extravagantly -rewarding kindnesses of this nature. She began now -to grow very pensive, and unusually melancholy, to -see all her swelling hopes thus dasht; and was not so -sociable as she used to be with her friend; which gave -him some cause to suspect her inconstancie, or that she -would speedily desert him, and accept some other; -which put him on the contrivance to save something, -that might be a support to him, if his sallary should -fail, or at leastwise keep him alive, till his Country-Contributions, -or padding incomes should supply his -profuse, and unnecessary expences.</p> - -<p class='c000'>When ever he came, she entertain’d him with such -an undeserved franckness, that she concealed nothing -from him, that might either please his fancie, or satisfie -his curiosity. Understanding she was admirable at -her Needle, he desired her to shew him some pieces of -her art, that he might by the applauding of the one -admire the other. She readily condescended to what -he propounded; being glad he had demanded a thing -which came within the verge of her power to please -him withal. Opening a large Cypress-Chest, she -shew’d him great variety of excellent pieces of her -own hand-working; and withal he discovered several -bags cramm’d with other pieces, which he had a greater -minde to handle; which I conceiv’d she shew’d him -out of meer ostentation, telling him withal, that as -long as one penny was in them his pockets should not -be unfurnisht with money; and that when all those -<span class='pageno' id='Page_69'>69</span>bags were emptied, her Husbands annual estate -would quickly fill them again, and six times as many.</p> - -<p class='c000'>This assurance of having his constant stipend continued, -prevailed not in the least on this Caret-pated -villains ingrateful designs; but he resolved, with the -first opportunity, to make himself Master of those -sums, although he knew he must unavoydably lose his -Mistress thereby; the next morning she sent for him, -to acquaint him, that her Husband was gone some -twenty miles off, and that he would not return in five -days, having 300 <em>lib.</em> to receive of such a man, naming -the place where he lived. This damn’d Dog, hearing -this, caper’d for joy, which the poor Innocent believed, -proceeded from his thinking what a long time he had -to enjoy his Mistress uncontroulably: whereas it was -otherwise, for now he knew how to kill two Birds -with one stone.</p> - -<p class='c000'>However, that she might not mistrust him as guilty -of any treachery, he behaved himself so pleasantly -and his Caresses were so agreeable, that his Mistress -esteem’d her self the happiest woman in the world, in -the enjoyment of the person of so facetious, and most -accomplisht Lover; nay, so fond she was of his company, -that she was resolved to make the most of him -in her husbands absence; and therefore caused him -to lie in the house, not induring him out of her sight, -till the day before her husbands returne; at which -time he walkt out: what feastings, junketings and -jollitings together there were in that time, none are better -able to conceive than such who, with their large -purses, have inlarged hearts, caring not how dear the -purchase is, so that the pleasure be great, though not of -two minutes lasting. You must understand, that I went -snips with him in these delights, as well as in his -profits; I had a liquorish tooth still in my head, and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_70'>70</span>therefore would not be out of call, to participate -with them in their Viands, and Banquetings; Indeed, -I was ever an excellent smell feast.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The day (wherein he went abroad, as I told you) -was the cursed time in which he procured assistants, to -carry on his hellish plot, which had like to have proved -my utter ruine. It seems he appointed them about -four of the clock in the evening to come to the Gentlewomans -house, where (as before) we were all -making merry; and knowing the strength of the -house, there being never a man at home, the Groom -being gone with his Master, and only a foot-boy left, -he appointed only two that should manage the design -beside himself; who knocking at the gate, and the -foot-boy opening it to them, they instantly seiz’d -him, both binding, and gagging him. Having bolted -the Gate, they advanced into the house, and seemingly -very peaceful, they mounted the stairs, having -secured those who were below in the same manner, as -they had done the boy; as soon I saw two men now -entring the Chamber, where we were, I then concluded -that we were betrai’d, and that the principal -Traytor was our supposed friend; I hereupon opened -as wide as my jaws would give me leave; which one -of the rogues perceiving, clapt a gag within my -mouth, and so kept them at that gaping distance, the -Rogues might have had some consideration before -they had served me thus, as knowing I had few teeth -to barricadoe my gums from the injury they might -receive from that confounded instrument which -stretcht my mouth asunder.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The good Gentlewoman, seeing how barbarously -they handled me, did not question they would exercise -the like cruelty next on her; to prevent which, she -fell on her knees, beseeching them not to abuse her, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_71'>71</span>and throwing them the keyes of what they lookt for, -bid they take what they pleased. Her accursed Villain -had the impudence to view the tears run down -her lovely cheeks, without the least remorse, or pity -on a soul so dearly loved him, he only raised her with -his hands, assuring her, she should receive no other injurie -than the loss of what money she shewed him, -and his eternal happiness; for I know Madam (said -he) how insatiate you are, how variable, how changeable -upon the slightest occasion; I am not insensible -what variety you have already tyred (the more to -blame me that imforced him;) and how many more -you intend, may be sufficiently drawn from your unsatisfied -humour, and inconstant nature. And now -if you love your life, stir not till we are gone; and -thank our lenity, that we have not secured you other-wayes. -Taking up the money, every one carrying a -part; hold (said one) we have forgot something yet, -that Ladies hands must be tyed, least she ungag that -serious and now silent Matron there: her hands -and legs must be tyed too, lest she talk or walk to -fright us. Having so done, come now let us go (said -the Red headed Traytor) it is high time, lest that old -witch swallow on of us; don’t you see how she gapes? -God b’you (good Madam) you are bound to be constant -now; dear Partner (pointing to me) farewell, -I thank you for your procuration money, and so away -they went; in less than half an hour the Gentlewoman -had with her teeth set her hands at liberty, -which soon gave my hands, feet, and tongue the like, -and discending the stairs, we found the maids, and boy -bound, and gagg’d; having loos’d them she whisper’d -her boy in the ear, I knew not what, but it was to -fetch a Constable, which he did in an instant; and -whilst I was condoleing my Friends loss, and misfortune, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_72'>72</span>I was apprehended by her command, and conveyed -to Goal, there to bewail my own too rigid fate.</p> - -<p class='c000'>I cannot much blame her suspition of me, since there -were arguments too many, and strong enough to perswade -her I could not be innocent, and therefore what -ever I alledged in my justification stood for a Cypher. -I sent for my husband, with many other friends, but -none of them could prevail with her from sending me -to Prison; seeing there was no remedy, I was resolved -to endure my confinement as patiently as I could.</p> - -<p class='c000'>These three rogues had their horses not far off, ready -sadled, which they mounting, rode directly in that road -where they were sure to meet their prize; and as the -Devil would have it, they waited not two hours, before -they could perceive two riding directly towards -them, and soon after could discern them to be the -Gentleman and his groom; the first of an undaunted -resolution, but weakly, by reason of a Chronical distemper, -that had a long time afflicted him; his man, -by his bulk, shape and looks, appeared like one that -could teach a <em>Guy of Warwick</em> to fight, and give a president -of such a valour, as only became a <em>Royal Champion</em> -to own. The Gentleman was first commanded to -stand and deliver, which he did, but it was a Pistol, -which he discharged without any execution; they fired -at him again; and wounding him in the sword arm, -he dropt his sword, and whilst he was submitting to -their disposal, his man sets spurs to his horse, and most -valiantly ran for it; getting to the top of a little hill, -not far distant, where turning his horse head, most -manfully about, he had the confidence to look on, -whilest the Thieves robb’d his Master.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The gentleman seeing himself thus deserted by this -lubberly-cowardly Hog driver was ready to burst -with anger; but knew not how to come at him to be -<span class='pageno' id='Page_73'>73</span>revenged; and therefore begg’d the robbers, in lieu of -what money they had taken from him, to do him the -kindness, to baste his man soundly that stood on <a id='corr73.3'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='yon der'>yonder</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_73.3'><ins class='correction' title='yon der'>yonder</ins></a></span> -hill, as a meer looker on. I, <em>I</em>, said the one, <em>I</em> will -give you that satisfaction presently my self alone, and -so setting spurs to his horse, rode up to him, and complemented -him no otherwise at first, than with the -flat of his sword, which notwithstanding made his -sides and shoulders smart to some purpose; this great -looby took all this with incredible patience; but the -Pad by chance cutting him; nay, now said he, flesh and -blood is not longer able to endure; and with that drew -a broad two egg’d Scotch-sword, and handled it so -well, that he cut this fellow off his horse presently; -the other two seeing their fellow over-matcht, advanced -with all speed, and both assaulted him at once: but -he seeing them approach, and being now blooded, made -ready to receive them by drawing a Pistol, which he -fired so luckily, that the shot deprived him of one of -his enemies more, and he had now no inequality of -number to oppose him. Success had so flesht him, that -he fought more like a Devil, than a man, laying about -him backwards, and forwards; so that he disinabled -the third, which was the first Plotter. Had his Master -been able to fight, and there had been as many more -against him, he so behaved himself, that there was no -work for any to do but himself. Thus did this one -man, who had never fought before (and therefore like -an horse, knew not his own strength till it was tryed) -conquer three, that were accounted Cocks of the -<em>Hectors</em>.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The Gentlemen searching their Portmancicks, and -finding 400 <em>lib.</em> was amazed at so considerable a purchase; -and securing it, with this surviving Rogue, -and their Horses, rode directly to the next Justice; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_74'>74</span>where leaving the Booty in his hands for the present, -the Prisoner had his <em>mittimus</em> drawn up, and was sent -to the same Gaol his <a id='corr74.3'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='Lanlady'>Landlady</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_74.3'><ins class='correction' title='Lanlady'>Landlady</ins></a></span>, the Hostess was in. Notwithstanding -all those disguizes he made use of to seem -another man, he was known by me, and received from -me a whole broad side of just reproaches; which had -like to have sunk him deeper, than the pressures of his -present misfortunes could do. What (said I) did -you not live too much at your ease? had you not but -too much plenty, which took you off those desperate -courses, or might have done, which would without -doubt have brought you to the Gallowes in the -end; but having so little regard to your own wellfare, -I could not expect much from you as to mine; -though gratitude might have commanded you to have -studyed my preservation, although you should hourly -hazard your own. Instead of applying smooth, and -soothing answers (which might have been as Cordials, -or Balsom to my wounded mind) he gave me -this corrasive, this Choak-pear, that if I would not -hold my clack, which dinn’d his ears worse than the -Catarachts of <em>Nile</em>, he would declare before the -Bench, upon his tryal, that he would never have done -so foul a fact, but by my instigation; and that if I -held not my tongue, he assured me, that (since he -knew that it was impossible for him to escape with -life) he loved me so well, that I should dye with him, -to bear him company in the other world.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Perceiving what his desperate resolution was, I -thought good to alter the Scene of my chat, and beg -him to be patient; assuring him, that what I had said -was not out of any ill will, but to make him sensible -how much I was his friend at all times; and that my -own imprisonment (for his sake) troubled me not so -much, as the danger that he was in; and that he might -<span class='pageno' id='Page_75'>75</span>accuse me, if he pleased, and so endanger my suffering -with him; but I charged, withall, his Conscience -with my innocencie in, and ignorance of what -he and his accomplices had acted, contrary to my -privity. It was some comfort to hear him then acknowledge -before a great many witnesses, that I -was no way accessary to his guilt; and when the Assizes -came, he acknowledged upon his Arraignment, -that none abetted, or were concerned in what he had -done, and there stood arraigned for, but himself and -two others, which were slain in the contest. Whereupon -I was discharged by Proclamation of Court, -none coming in against me; and he received sentence -of death, which was accordingly executed three dayes -afterward; he then again at the Gallows declaring -to the spectators my innocencie in his robbery.</p> - -<p class='c000'>This Confession of his, I thought, would as well -reintroduce me into the favour of the abused Gentlewoman, -my former friend, as by his suffering death -give full satisfaction to her inraged revenge. In order -thereunto, after my Gaol delivery, I sent her several -Letters to pacifie her passion, and imployed several -friends to acquaint her with the reallity of my -former fidelity, and present integrity: at length they -so far mediated with her in my behalf, that she sent -for me (when her Husband was abroad) and in the -walks of her Garden, discourst me largely, as to -whatever had past between us, or anybody else by my -means. And now, said she, this last unhappy and unexpected -villany from a friend you procured me, and one -I dearly loved, hath tyed up my hands from ever enjoying -the like opportunities again. For my Husband -finding that the purchase he took from the Thieves -was but a Pig of his own Sow, his own money, and -knowing the principal Robber to be the Person I often -<span class='pageno' id='Page_76'>76</span>treated at our house with much civility, shrewdly -suspects, that I not only consented to the Robbery, -but would be easily induced to believe to his death too, -were it not for the great loss he knows I should receive -by his death if he should dye without issue. However -he is much more cautious of me than he used to be, -taking his money into his own custody, and he sets a -watch over me to observe what company I keep abroad, -or entertain in our house: and therefore, if -ever you intend to redeem your former credit and estimation -with me, study some project how I may -carry on the design afore propounded, of having an -Heir, that the Estate may not pass to the next Brother. -A man I cannot but hate, for several weighty -considerations. The crookedness of his disposition, -and the unsuitableness of his humour to mine, were -sufficient to make me not love him; but his insufferable -wicked practises, both against me, and my Husband, -make me absolutely detest the very sight of him. When -I was first married (quoth she) I thought my self as -capable of conception as any she that ever wore a -head; & my husband being then healthful, & actively -vigorous, soon confirming me, in the opinion of being -a teeming woman: It seems I was with child, though -I knew it not; and finding a great change and alteration -in my body, I was so ignorant, as to believe I was -breeding some ill humours, which, if not timely purged -away, might ingender a disease that might prove -my death. My Husbands Brother (which was wiser -than my self in that point) knew very well I was -breeding young bones, the growth of which would -infallibly lift him out of all his flourishing hopes of -enjoying his Brothers Estate; therefore out of a -seeming tenderness, and vigilant care of the <a id='corr76.34'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='sic'>presevation</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_76.34'><ins class='correction' title='sic'>presevation</ins></a></span> -of my health, followed my own perswations, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_77'>77</span>with his damn’d advice; and at the end I was induc’d -to take a vomit to clear my stomack, he telling me, -for certain, it might be very foul, since I was so frequently -troubled with puking in the morning, and -vomiting after Dinner. An Apothecary of his own -procuring (with his Devilish instructions) made up -the Composition, which, without imagining the least -harm, I easily swallowed, which wrought with me so -strongly, that, having nothing left within my stomack -for it to work on, I thought it would have brought -up my very heart within its appurtenances; the Devil -of a Physitian all this while seemed to comfort me, -by saying, be cheerful, Sister; this will clear you (and -so it did of what it should not) and clense you of those -malignant humours which so much prejudiced your -healthful constitution; and that he might make sure -work of me, counselled me to take a purge, and that -would carry all downwards, and then my business -was done; I poor easie fool, was quickly drawn to -it, and the second time swallowed that, which the next -day made what I went withal prove abortive.</p> - -<p class='c000'>I had often seen, but more especially heard, that -this Doctor was no sooner gone from his Patient, but -he was immediatly in the Company of my brother, -which made me, with a great deal of good reason, -conjecture, they plotted no good together; wherefore -I got two Doctors more to visit my Husband, -who plainly told me, at the first sight (both agreeing -in one opinion) that he was poysoned. Hearing -them say so, I could not forbear; but, in the -agony of my Spirit, cryed out, I know the Murderers; -and their lives shall here, for the loss of his, make -satisfaction in part, and in full, by their damnation -hereafter. They desired me to be patient, assuring -me that they would use their utmost skill to over-power -<span class='pageno' id='Page_78'>78</span>the poyson; and doubtlessly he had dyed, had -not these two eminent Artists bestirred themselves -to purpose. In a little time they raised him on his -feet (which made his former Doctor betake himself -to his, having not been heard of by us since;) but they -could not assure me how long it would be ere he would -be down again; for (said they) he will be an infirm, -impotent man, as long as he lives.</p> - -<p class='c000'>If now my hatred to my Husbands Brother be not -justly grounded, do you judge; and I hope Heaven will -not be offended with me, in finding out some way to -disposses him of his hopes, in having the Estate, who -rob’d me of my fruitfulness, and would have deprived -my Husband of his life.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Madam (said I) there is just now a plot come -into my head; which if you please, shall be put in -practice, and that is this. Since your Husband is -thus infirm, and you barren, this must be the only -way, which must crown your desires. I will immediately -go upon the search for some young thing -with Child, whether she be Wife, nor neither Maid, -Wife, nor Widdow, it matters not; whom with -large gifts, and larger promises, I will perswade to -part with her Child, when born, and you shall lye -in with it; let me alone to the management of all; -but first, let me find out a Person suitable to our -purpose, and I will warrant you to carry on the rest -to your full satisfaction. I will instantly for <em>London</em> -where I cannot miss of Subjects enough of this sort, -out of which I may pick and choose. She liked this -proposal so well, that she would not suffer me to stay -a minute longer with her, but that I should instantly -leave her, and make my self ready for my Journey; -and thus far have I travelled in order to the finishing -thereof, when I met with so blessed an opportunity, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_79'>79</span>of falling into discourse with you, Dearest Madam, -which I hope will tend to both our happinesses, if you -will be ruled by me.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Thus, said Mrs. <em>Dorothy</em>, I heard the whole relation -of her self, and others, with great attention: -and thought it was now my Cue to speak, which I -did in this manner, not only cautelously, but with much -seeming reservedness. Mother (for so, by the disparity -of our Age, I make bold to call you) the account -you give of your self is so monstrously wicked -that I know not whether, with safety, I may interchange -any further discourse with you; neither can -I but take notice of your subtility, and matchless -craftiness, as well as your unparallel’d debauchery, -and wantonness; you may very well excuse me, if -now I stand on my guard, and wearily entertain a parley -with you; since you are known to be an old Souldier -in the Wars of <em>Venus</em>, and so may fight too cunningly -for me, that am but a stripling upon any such -account. However make your proposals (and if I -may be assured you pump me not to intrap me) as I -find them faisable, and profitable for the future, I -shall accept them, and be ready to be servicable to -you, and your design.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The good old Gentlewoman, as one transported, -by hugging me in her Arms, interrupted me, saying; -Daughter, mistrust me not in this affair, and -try whether I will not in a little time make you as -happy as your own wishes can make you; and thereupon -asked me how long I had been with Child, -and whether I could be content, that, by anothers -owning it, the Child hereafter might be owner of an -Estate (it seems born to) the tenth part whereof -none of my Ancestors ever yet enjoyed.</p> - -<p class='c000'>It is confest, said I, my own weakness, and Female -<span class='pageno' id='Page_80'>80</span>frailty betraid me to unlawful embraces of -a handsom young man, whose subtle sollicitations -could not be withstood by a Nun, much less by me; -and yielding, I now carry both the Sin and the shame -of those stolen delights about me, where ever I go. -That though it was my ill Fortune thus to lose (by -one throw at play, inconsiderately) a thing of that -value, my Maiden head I mean, yet it was some -comfort to me, that it was a Gentleman of no mean -worth that won it; and I question’d not but the off-spring -would be like the Father, as well in the -comely proportion of the Body, as Gallantry of -Mind; being thus fully perswaded it will prove so -goodly a Person, it will the more trouble me to part -with it to another; that if I should do any such thing -it is not for necessity; for, as I had money considerable -of my own, before my deluding Lover came -acquainted with me; yet, to compensate that single -kindness, he hath so showred his Gold and Silver -on me since, that my Wealth may procure a Match -considerable enough, though my face carryed in it -no other invitation. Come, come, Daughter (said -the Old Woman) Something hath some savour: -and although you have enough, yet more will do no -harm; besides your Child will be well look’d after, -well provided for (which you may see when you -please) and you rid of that incumbrance, will be -in a better condition for any one to sollicite you in -Marriage. Being thus convinc’d by the subtle Arguments -of this cunning Matron, I condescended to -whatever she would have me to do; and so without -further delay, the next morning we rode together to -the House of this old Gentlewoman; where alighting, -she had no sooner provided a necessary Room -for me, and given order for my Supper, which was -<span class='pageno' id='Page_81'>81</span>extraordinary, but her impatience immediately hurried -her to the Gentlewoman, her Friend; and being -out of breath, told her, as well as she could, that she -had effected the business beyond expectation; but -because she would not leave me too long, begg’d -her excuse, promising the next morning a full <a id='corr81.6'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='accouns'>account</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_81.6'><ins class='correction' title='accouns'>account</ins></a></span> -of all her proceedings. That night was spent -in all the jollity imaginable; Fowles of all sorts, and -the choicest of the season were provided; Wine -flowed so plentifully through every room of the -House, that I wonder it did not reel into the streets. -I am sure the servants would, had not a noise of Musick -held them by the ears, whil’st their Legs caper’d -like a pair of Drum-sticks. Although they took but -little repose that night, yet my Hostess got up early -to wait on her Correspondent, who had not slept -that night, for the eager expectation to hear how her -desires were accomplisht.</p> - -<p class='c000'>But overjoyed she was, when she saw the old Woman -approach, who taking her aside in one of the -walks of the garden, askt her how she had sped, and -in what manner. The old woman (as much transported -with joy as she) have patience, and I will tell -you, said she; In my way to <em>London</em>, I met with -several that had nibled on the bait of concupisence; -but they were such flounder-mouth’d, draggle-tail’d, -dirty Pusses, that I would not venture upon any of -them; but at length comming to an Inn on the road, -I accidentally fell into the Company of a Gentlewoman -(which is this that I have now brought with me, -to be serviceable to you) who by her deportment informed -me, that she was not meanly extracted; and -by those wanton torches in her face, which Nature -had drawn to allure, and captivate hearts, I guest she -was not unacquainted with the Masculine gender; and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_82'>82</span>as I imagined, so it proved; for I have so rigled my -self by discourse into her concerns, that I soon made -her unravel the bottom of her secrets. To be short, -I found her every way fit for our purpose, and by an -extraordinary device, I have made her ours; and -that you may satisfie your self farther, I will bring -her to the Park, a mile from your house, where I shall -desire you to meet us in the afternoon. Hereupon -she departed, and acquainted me how she had opened -the way to consummate what we had agreed on; -and so having dined, we went to the place appointed, -where the Gentlewoman was already come to meet us.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The Gentlewoman seeing us at a distance, made -up to us, but was strangely astonisht when she saw a -person so unexpectedly handsome, and in a Garb -which as much exceeded that which she wore, as the -face she saw excelled most others that she had seen -before; and therefore thought it requisite to make -her address, as to a person of no mean Quality; yet -thinking again, should she do so, I might think she -mockt me; (for had I been nobly born and bred, I -would never have condescended so low, as to prostitute -my body to the unlawful embraces of some hot-blooded -Gallant, and afterwards mercenarily expose -the Infant to the disposal of a meer stranger;) therefore -familiarly thus she spake; Sweet-heart, Though I -never saw you before, I am not unacquainted with -your affairs, and am much troubled, that so good a -face should be so deluded, and grosly abused by any -Promise-breaker of them all; but since what is past -cannot be recalled, I shall endeavour to redress your -misfortunes, after this manner; you shall lodge with -a good old Gentlewoman, not far off, a friend of -mine: but be sure you keep your self private; and -when you have a mind to take the air, and enjoy -<span class='pageno' id='Page_83'>83</span>your self, you shall not want a Coach to carry you -whither you list, so it be far enough off: your provision -at home, with all things necessary, and your -expences abroad, shall be at my charge; all that I -shall require of you is, that when you cry out in labour, -your Childe may be at the dispose of your -Landlady, whom I constitute your Guardian. If in -the interim you want any thing, let me know it, and -you shall be supplyed, and enjoy your self as freely, -as if you were Empress of the whole World; -and when you are discharged of your great belly, -you shall not want a sum to make you a good portion -for any honest man. Be not seen in the Town, and -do not come to our house, but be ruled by your Guardian; -and assure your self this, your Child shall be -my Child, and what estate I have, or my Husband, -shall be his: and so she took her leave of me, cramming -my hand full of <em>Jacobusses</em>, as the earnest of a -better penny.</p> - -<p class='c000'>I was forthwith conducted to this house, which -was intended for my lodging privately, where I was -entertain’d, according to instruction, with much respect -and gallantry; a Maid was there ready provided -to attend me, and there was nothing wanting in -my entertainment to make my life comfortable, and -my looks cheerful. Here did I merrily pass my time -away, being often visited by my old Hostess, daily -puzzling each others invention, what we should have -for Dinner; what recreation in the afternoon; what -for Supper, and what divertisement afterwards; how -to make our pleasure more poyant by their diversity, -and variety; but the greatest difficulty lay in our cunning -projections of going abroad, which we knew we -must carry with a world of secrecie, or spoil all whatever -we intended to do.</p> - -<p class='c000'><span class='pageno' id='Page_84'>84</span>In the mean time, the Gentle-woman (understanding -my true reckoning, which was three moneths -gone with Child) calculated her time accordingly, -and gave out, she was with Child: every one admired -at the news, having not had any in so long a time -of marriage, and knew not whether they had best -give credit to the report; her Husband would not -be induced to believe it by any means, looking upon it -as incredible, nay, almost impossible; but that which -most of all favoured what she would have credited -was her being troubled at that instant, with some hydropical -humours, which had so swelled her belly, -that she had much adoe from perswading her self, -that she was really with Child. Her Husband perceiving -this, from an Unbeliever became a Convert, -and by his belief wrought all the Neighbourhood into -the like perswation: but that which knockt the -nail on the head, was the opinion of the Midwife (a -Creature of the Gentlewomans, made absolute to -her devotion by gifts, and promise of future rewards) -which proclaimed it every where as a wonder, that -one after so many years, having never born a Child, -should now at last conceive. Neither was the kind, -and over-indulgent Husband, backward in spreading -ostentatiously, his glory, that he should at last be -called Father, when all the glimmerings of those -hopes were quite extinguisht. His joy made him so -rash and inconsiderate, that he bespoke Gossips, and -concluded upon a name for it, though he knew not -whether it would be born alive, male or female. On -the other side, the seemingly over-joyed woman provided -clouts for the bantling, and all other things necessary, -which an over-busie Lullaby could invent. So -many wet Nurses were sent for, that they came tumbling -to the house by dozens; and so many faults were -<span class='pageno' id='Page_85'>85</span>found with them, that they Troopt off again as fast; -one was dislik’d for her Hair, it being of a red colour, -and therefore her milk was lookt upon as too hot, -rank, and venemous; every one giving in their Verdict, -that she should not be wholesome, since the <em>Turks</em> -were accustomed to make the rankest poyson of the -flesh of slaves that were red-hair’d. Another was -too tall, and therefore slothfull, and unactive, being -not talkative enough; a third not clear skinn’d, nor -well featur’d, having a cast with the eye, which might -be the ill pattern of directing the Childs eyes amiss: -a 4th. had a too indulgent husband, whom they feared -one time or other might curdle the Child’s milk, -and so endanger its health: a fifth had had formerly -sore Breasts, and they doubted from thence the Milky-way -might be polluted: a sixth was too melancholly -enclin’d, which they judged would not only prejudice -her suck, but deprive her of the talking qualifications -of most Nurses, who look upon the impertinent -nonsensical tittle-tattle to their Children, to be the -basis of all their future learning. With much adoe, -they at length pitch upon a lovely brown woman, full -grown, well featur’d, quick sighted, clear skinned, -middle statur’d, with breasts little and round, her blood -cirkling them in the pleasant blew <em>Meanders</em> of her -veins. Now lest they should loose her, if she went -out of their sight, she was hired, and entertained -into the house immediatly, although her Mistriss had -five moneths to go of her supposed time.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Though her Husband was extasied with joy, his -Brother was moved by a contrary passion, his folly -making him shew it, in so unseemly a way, that every -one now concluded him that, which they only surmized -before, a villain, that had both studied and practised the -ruin of his nearest relations; & he was often accused & -<span class='pageno' id='Page_86'>86</span>upbraided for so doing, that he was forc’d to leave the -Town, and since is gone to a Cozen of his living in -<em>Barmudus</em>.</p> - -<p class='c000'>My time began now to draw nigh, being groan so -bigg I could not with convenience stir abroad, and too -restless to stay at home. As I felt any pain, I caused my -Mistriss to be acquainted therewith, that she might be -so too; if I felt my self much disordered, I sent away -her confident presently to allarm her; who acted her -part as artificially, as I did it really. These out-cries -of hers made the whole Garrison continually stand to -their arms; there being about her continually the Midwife, -Wet-Nurse, Dry Nurse, with many Neighbouring -assistants: the Maids below ready at command, -and a <em>Man Midwife</em>, if need should require -with so many instruments ready fixt, as would with -the very Iron set up a Black-smith: and all for the -strangeness of shape, surpassing any rarity in <em>Tredescants</em> -Collection.</p> - -<p class='c000'>After so many false allarms, a true one came at last, -carried by our Confident aforesaid, with my Child in -her lap; whose very appearance was watch-word enough -for the Gentlewoman to express the pangs of -Child-birth, which she did then in a more violent manner -than before, imagining something more than ordinary: -she approaching the bed askt her lowdly how -she did, and how she felt her self, and at that very instant -clapt the Child into Bed to her; who immediately -skreeking out, the Midwife ran to her, where seeming -to be busied about her a while, at length takes the -Child from her, and doing with it, and her, as is usual; -the news of this her happy delivery was conveyed -to the Husband, who was near at hand, attending, -and with tears lamenting the sad pain his poor wife -underwent for him; but the joyful tydings of having -<span class='pageno' id='Page_87'>87</span>a Son born, wip’d away all those tears, and so animated -his feeble Carkass, that he would have entred -the Room, before it was either Civil, or Convenient, -had he not been stopt by meer force. I shall -not trouble you by relating what an Universal rejoyceing -there was through the whole house, but only -inform you, that before the expiration of a -moneth the Child was Christened, being as lovely -a Child as could be born of a Woman, not any limb -or part of his body, which did not promise to exceed -his true Father in every thing. The Gentlewoman -being up, as soon as she understood I was -well and fully recovered, appear’d abroad in publick, -whose happy delivery was by all congratulated. -And to gratifie me, she sent me an hundred pieces of -old Gold, desiring me to remove my Quarters, and -to engage my tongue eternally to conceal the secret.</p> - -<p class='c000'>I now thought it high time to send to my two -Gallants, who were obliged to me in bonds, the one -to pay me fourty pound, and the other fifty, upon my -delivery; they being both assured of the truth thereof, -delayed me not, but sent me my moneys by the -first conveniency, which added to my late purchase; -and what money I had before, made up to weighty a -portion, for so light an Houswife as my self.</p> -<hr class='c007' /> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_88'>88</span> - <h2 class='c003'>CHAP. V.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c008'><i>Mrs</i> Dorothy <i>relates several passages in the Inn: as, -how the Host drew Guests to his House, and then -cheated them: the Boy by his Example, attempts to -cheat, but is taken in the manner; is beaten by his -Mistris, but is revenged of her and his Master; is -turned over to be corrected by the Under Hostle, but -is wittily, and pleasantly revenged on him.</i></p> - -<p class='c004'>I was now (continued Mrs <em>Dorothy</em>) rid of my -great Belly, and instead of that, had a great Bag -of money; and my Child being thus provided for, as I -have told you, I retired from the place where I had -lain in private, now to appear in publick at the House -of my very good friend, the old <em>Crony</em>; part of whose -Adventures I have already related to you: and since -you have not thought me tedious in the discourse I -have already made you, I shall give you an account of -some such Transactions in her House, during my stay -there, which, I believe, will be no less pleasant than -what you have already heard: and then having made -a short pause, we thuss proceeded.</p> - -<div class='figcenter id005'> -<img src='images/i_088fp.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' /> -</div> - -<p class='c000'>The whole Family, consisting of her self, her Husband, -a Son of about twenty four years of Age, and -Daughter about nineteen, a Chamberlain, a Tapster or -Winer, an Hostler, Cook-maid, Scullion, and two or -three boyes; who were imployed under the others, -were all alike, knavish enough, all guilty of such unparallel’d -Knaveries as I have rarely heard of; and knowing -of one anothers tricks, they out-vyed one another, -striving and contending which should exceed in Roguery, -and so sly and cunningly they carried it, that -’twas difficult to discover them, especially when they -<span class='pageno' id='Page_89'>89</span>all joyned together to cheat or abuse any body; but -when they fell out among themselves, they made excellent -sport in acting the revenges they took upon -one <a id='corr89.4'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='another,'>another.</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_89.4'><ins class='correction' title='another,'>another.</ins></a></span> My Landlord loved his pleasure and profit -so equally, that he made it his business to contrive -how to joyn them together; and although he commonly -had the best Custom of any house in the town, -yet he would practice wayes to gain, and bring in -more; among other wayes, he used this for one. He -would take his Horse in an Afternoon, and ride out -some ten or twelve miles, and so return home again; -but he seldome came home, but he brought Guests -with him, which he would take up by the way, thus.</p> - -<p class='c000'>If he saw a parcel of Travellers, who he thought -to be good fellowes, and fit for his purpose, he would -then enquire which way, and how far they travelled; -to this they commonly answered, directly; and if -they were for our Town, then he would joyn with -them; and soon after, his second question would be, to -know if they were acquainted at the Town, and at -what Inn they would take up their Quarters: If -they were strangers, and by that means indifferent -of the place where they should lodge; then he told -them, that the best Inn in the Town was his House, but -not naming it to be his, or that he had any Interest in -it, but only that he knew there was a good Hostess, -who had a handsome Daughter that would use them -well; and he seldom missed with this Bait to win them -to agree to go thither with him, and accordingly to -bring them home with him. But if they would not agree -upon the place, and he saw there was no good to -be done, then he would pretend some excuse to stay -behind them, & would wait for such company as would -at all points be for his turn; and with them would he -enter the House as a Stranger: indeed he would -<span class='pageno' id='Page_90'>90</span>call the Chamberlain, Hostler, and Tapster, by their -Names; but they, who knew their Duties, would in -no case shew any Duty to him. Then would he, as -being acquainted in the House, tell his Fellow Travellers -what provisions there was for Supper, and -would be sure to draw them up to the highest Bill of -Fare he could. If the Hostess, or her Daughters company -were desired, he would be the forwardest to call -them, and only treat and converse with them as of -some small acquaintance; after supper, he would endeavour -to draw on the Company to drink high, and -use all possible means to enflame the reckoning; and -when he saw they were well heated with wine, and -the fury of their expences was over, he would pretend, -out of good Husbandry, to call for a Reckoning -before they went to bed, that they might not be -mis-reckoned, or staid from the pursuit of their Journey -in the Morning; to this they would commonly -agree, and the Sum total of the reckoning being cast up, -he would be the first man that would, without scruple, -or inquiry into the particulars, lay down his share, -and by his examples, the rest would follow; if any -did question the dearness of the Victuals, or the quantity -of the drink, he would by one means or other -take them off, protesting that the Hostess was too honest -to mis-reckon them, and that he had kept a just -account himself, and was well satisfied; or else he -should be as cautious from parting from his money as -any of them; and then they, not distrusting him further, -would by his example pay the shot. Thus would -he many times, by his Crown or six shillings share, -mis-reckon on them sixteen or twenty shillings; especially -if they came to high drinking: and then the -reckoning being paid, they went to bed, he retiring -with his wife, and he would lye abed in the morning, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_91'>91</span>and let them march off alone; but if they, in the -Morning, did fall to drinking again, taking a hair of -the Old Dog, then would he up, and at them again, -make one at that sport, and many times put them out -of capacity to Travel that day, and so keep them -there to his profit, and their expences; he shifting his -Liquor, and in the end, shifting himself out of their -Companies, when he has seen his Conveniency, leaveing -them to pay roundly for their folly. If they enquired -after him, my Hostess would pretend he was -a Chance Guest, as they were, only, she had seen him -the last year, or such like; and thus he would force a -Trade, and enjoy his pleasure and profit, by joyning -them together; and this course did he frequently use -when Guests came not in of their own accord; so -that our house was seldome empty.</p> - -<p class='c000'>As mine Host, who was the Head and Chief of the -House, had his tricks, so had the rest of the Family -theirs, even the least in the House; for there was an -unhappy boy, who was sometimes with the maid in -the Kitchin, sometimes with the Tapster, attending -Guests in their lodgings, and other times, with the -Hostler and Horses in the Stable; this boy, though he -was little was witty; and seeing that every one had -their tricks, he cast about how he might have his, and -have some profit in the Adventure; so that one day, -mine Host being abroad, and the Tapster out of the -way, he drew the drink; and not only the Beer, but -carried bottles of wine to the Guests, & seeing them in -a merry vain, he thought to try his skill at mis-reckoning -them; and for six bottles which he carried into -them when they came to pay, he reckoned them eight; -and though there was some questioning of the truth, -yet he justified it, and stood to it, that he had the -reckoning he demanded.</p> - -<p class='c000'><span class='pageno' id='Page_92'>92</span>This being his first considerable attempt in this Nature, -for he had gained two shillings for himself, he -was resolved to keep the prize for himself; and therefore -putting that up in his Pocket, he delivered the rest -at the Bar; the reckoning being wiped out.</p> - -<p class='c000'>But the Company falling into discourse, in short -time called for more wine, and then the Tapster being -returned, he officiated in the boyes place, and turning -him into the stable; more wine they had, and staying -longer than ordinary, and falling again to drinking, -they quaffed off the other half dozen bottles of wine, -and then calling to pay, the Tapster, thinking to put -his old trick of mis-reckoning in practice, told them, -there were seven bottles to pay; but one of the company -who was more cautious than the rest, had made -his observation, and every bottle that was brought in, -he unbuttoned a button, and so was able to aver and -justify that there was but six; and withal, the rest of -the company believing him, they all fell a ranting, -vowing that they would pay for no more, and farther -alledging that they were mis-reckoned one or two -bottles in the last reckoning; the Tapster, although -he was guilty as to himself, yet he did not believe -them as to the other reckoning, because he could not -imagine, that the boy would be so bold as to attempt -to cheat them, and therefore he huff’d as high as they -in justification of the boy and himself; and such a -noise they made, that the Hostess went in to know the -cause of that clamour: they at first were so hot on both -sides, that they would not hear her speak, neither did -they speak reasonably themselves; but in the end she -understood the matter, that they were wronged of -one or two bottles by the Boy, and one by the Tapster; -she hearing the matter, did not so much stand to justifie -<span class='pageno' id='Page_93'>93</span>and vindicate the Tapster, whom she did imagine was -guilty, but as for the boy, she was very confident, that -he had not wronged them, and when the heat of their -anger was somewhat over, she examined particulars -enquiring how many bottles they paid for, they said -eight: she who had not so soon forgotten what she -had received, averred that she had but six <em>shillings</em> for -wine, and therefore it was a mistake; they still aledged -<em>eight</em>, and she <em>six</em>, till now nobody could end -the controversie but the boy, who was sought after, -and in short time found in the hayloft asleep, or meditating -how he should bestow his purchased Treasure; -but being found, he was without any questions there -immediately led away before the Gentlemen and his -Mistress, who were to be judges of this matter of fact. -The question was soon stated to him, and he too well -understood the matter, which he stoutly deny’d, -but there was quickly such clear evidence appeared -against him, that he was found guilty; for he not -dreaming or mistrusting any such matter, had not conveyed -the money away, so but that the pockets being -searched, there the two <em>shillings</em> were found, to the -great shame and confusion of the small delinquent: -this was to the great amazement of the Guests, his -Mistress, and the Tapster; but the money being laid -down, and two bottles wine being brought in for it, -the Gentlemen were well enough pleased, and made -no further enquiry into the other bottle, which -the Tapster had likewise mis-reckoned them; so -that he scaped without shame or punishment, so -did not the boy, who was not only ashamed, but was -ordered to be severely punished, and therefore the -next morning was fetched up by the under Hostler, -(one who was not so wise as the boy, though in -growth he was much biggar) with a Cat of nine tailes, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_94'>94</span>which gave so great an impression on the poor boyes -buttocks, that he was resolved on a revenge, which he -effected, as I shall presently tell you. This boy was -now looked on as an errant cunning Rogue, and one -who without good looking to would be too wise for -them all, for he had presumed to mis-reckon two <em>shillings</em> -in six <em>shillings</em>, and put it all into his own pocket, -whereas the Tapster who was a proficient in cheating, -and licensed therein (but with this <em>proviso</em>, that -half of what he gained thereby was to be paid to his -Mistress) only endeavoured to mis-reckon one <em>shilling</em> -in six; so that, I say, the boy was narrowly -watched, and had many a blow on the back, and box -on the ear, more than formerly; he who knew he had -deserved it, for he was guilty of many petty waggeries, -was forced to bear, but however he made provision -against it, for his Mistress using to pommel him -on the shoulders with her fist, he one time took a paper -of pins, sticking them with the points upwards, -placed them between his Doublet and Cassock; and -his Mistress striking him, as she was wont to do, did -light upon the pins, pricked her hand till the blood ran -down her fingers ends, and the boy running away, she -could not imagine how this was done, for she saw nothing -upon his coat, that should cause it; so the boy -getting away, removed the paper with pins, and there -was an end of the matter for that time. The Mistress -finding she had suffered by striking him on the shoulders, -would come no more there with her bare hands; -but used a cudgel, if it were near her, and if not she -would use to slap him on the mouth with the back of -her hand; and one time, he being in the Kitchen, and -she running after him to strike him, he claps a knife, -which lay near him, into his mouth, with the edge -outwards, she not minding that, but endeavouring and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_95'>95</span>intending to give him a great blow did so, but to her -cost, for she cut her knuckles in such pitious manner, -that the blood ran down abundantly, and now it was -no fooling matter, but Chyrurgions work, wherefore -one was sent for, and the boy ran away to his -wonted dormitory, the hay-loft. The Mistress took -her Chamber, and towards Evening the Master came -home, and bringing with him some Guests, he soon -missed his wife, and thereby knew the occasion of her -retirement, and it was not long ere he saw the boy, -the Authour of the harm; he therefore took up a -cudgel, and ran hastily after the Boy, who fearing the -danger, betook him to his heels, and ran cross a dunghill -in the yard; the Master being eager to pursue the -boy, did not take the same course the boy had done, -who had passed over a board he had laid there on purpose, -but the Master missing of that, went on one -side, and fell into a great filthy hole, which by reason -of much wet and rain, was there slightly covered; -and had he not been helped out by the Hostler, he -might have stifled; he having recovered his feet, -left the pursuit of the boy, and was forc’d to be conducted -to bed, which was to his great grief and dammage, -for he had spoiled his cloaths, wet himself, and -which was worst of all, he by this means was disappointed -of his purpose in making a prey of his guests -he had brought in with him to that purpose. But the -Tapster and others, did their best in that behalf, and the -Boy was again committed to the disciplination <a id='corr95.29'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='af'>of</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_95.29'><ins class='correction' title='af'>of</ins></a></span> the -under Hostler, who by the command of his Master, -almost flead the poor boys buttocks.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The Boy was now revenged of his Master and -Mistress, who finding him so unlucky, had no great -mind to meddle with him, neither did the Boy studdy -any revenge upon them; but so often as he saw the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_96'>96</span>under-Hostler, who had now twice been his tormentor, -his blood would boyle at him, and all his study -was to be even with him; and thereupon he watched -for all opportunities, and it was not long ere he found -one. There was meat at the fire to be roasted, and he -was ordered to look to and wind up the Jack, which -was made to go by a stone weight, which was fastned -to pulleys, and when the Jack was woond up, the -stone weight being on the out-side of the house, was -drawn up two storyes high, to the eves of the house; -the boy observing this, and that the Jack-weight was -down, and seeing his Enemy the under Hostler in the -Yard, just by the jack-weight he lifted that off from -the hook, and conveighed it under the girdle of the -Hostler, just behind, he not perceiving it: when he had -thus done, he ran into the Kitchin, and woond up the -Jack, the Hostler being none of the wisest, wondered -what it was that first of all held him by the back, and -afterwards drew him up from the ground; but it was -too late ere he discovered the truth, for he was now -hanging in the aire; his girdle was of strong leather, -with a great brass buckle and thong, which he could -not possibly undo; neither durst he attempt it for fear -of falling, and therefore he was in short time drawn -up to the top; the boy not thinking this revenge not -enough, seeing no body came, proceeded further, and -taking a parcel of wet horse-litter, and some dry hay, -he placed it just underneath the Hostler, and set fire to -it, which made such a smother and smoke, that the -poor Hostler was almost choaked, wherefore he roared -out most hideously; the boy having done all he intended, -said, <em>Now remember the Cat with nine tayles</em>, -and so ran away; by this time the Hostler made so -much noise, and the jack together, being forced by -weight to go faster than ordinary, that at the noise all -<span class='pageno' id='Page_97'>97</span>the houshold ran to see what was the matter, when, in -short, there was found the poor Hostler hanging between -heaven and earth, and with coughing and roaring -he purged forwards and backwards, but most -backwards; in regard his girdle forced it downwards -by pressing and gripeing his stomach, so that he was -in a most lamentable pickle; and so great was the astonishment -of all the beholders, that he was come down -almost to the bottom, ere the smoaking hay was removed, -or he relieved; but at length down he came, -and thus ended this adventure.</p> -<hr class='c007' /> - -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c003'>CHAP. VIII.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c008'><i>The Boy learns, and practises Vaulting and tumbling, -the maid servant attempting to do the like, is intangled, -caught in the manner, and laughed at: she puts a -trick upon a Puritanical Church-Warden, and -makes the boy by another trick, to lye in bed, and -lose his dinner; he is revenged on her by a Gunpowder -plot.</i></p> - -<p class='c004'>Mrs. <em>Dorothy</em> putting a stop to her discourse, -gave us conveniency and leisure to express our -satisfaction by our laughter, in which we continued -for some space, and then rehearsing and commenting -on what she had told us, we again renewed our laughter, -she joyning with us in the same exercise, when we -had put a stop to our mirth, she thus continued.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Truly, Friends, I did think I might a little divert -you by my relation; but I see you are pleased -much better than I expected, and if you are -<span class='pageno' id='Page_98'>98</span>so well contented with this which is but a taste of -what I can tell you, I am sure the rest would be much -more delightful; but being desirous to put an end to -my discourse, by relating to you such matters as only -concern my self, till my arrival here, I therefore beg -your excuse. Nay, replyed I, and Mistress <em>Mary</em>, -you must not refuse us the request we both make you, -of proceeding in these pleasing Adventures of your -houshold; and, continued I, it is enough to know -and find you are here with us, we are satisfied in that, -and hope you will give us the other satisfaction we desire; -and I pray be as full and free in your recital as -you can, for we cannot think any thing to be tedious -that is so pleasant; she hearing my desires, after few -excuses, agreed thereto; and thereupon she thus reassumed -the discourse.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The poor under Hostler being thus descended from -his place of Torment, was almost in as pitiful a plight -as one taken down from the Gibbet half hanged to be -quartered; he had as little motion or sense; for he -was almost suffocated with the smoak that ascended -and flew up his nose, and down his throat; and as Malefactors -do (as they say) piss for fear, or some other -cause, so had he done; and not only so, but we could -perceive somewhat else, of a yellowish colour, that -had soaked through his breeches, run down his stockings, -so that few would touch him; but at length, the -Hostler, his superiour, considering his condition and -former good service, took him up, and carried him -to his bed adjoyning to the Stable; where, with the -assistance of <em>Aqua vitæ</em>, he was soon brought to his -former senses. Our young Rogue in the mean time lying -in the Hay-loft over him, laughing at the roguery -he had done, and the groans he heard the poor fellow -<span class='pageno' id='Page_99'>99</span>fetch, were as so many instruments of musick to raise -his laughter to the higher pitch.</p> - -<p class='c000'>This Rogue, who wanted nothing so much as Roping, -or a good Cat of nine tailes, now escap’d with -out either; there being no body in the whole house -that had any mind to meddle with him; he was threatned -by some, whilst others only laughed at him, and -he went merrily about his business: and to conclude, -much company coming that day to the house, and the -particulars of the Adventure being told them, they -sent for the boy and Hostler; and after several questions, -and much laughter, they made them drink to one -another, and become Friends.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The boy being thus freed from punishment, set his -wits at work, how he might employ his time to the -best advantage, and be getting of money as well as -the rest of the Family did; and soon after there being -a fair at our Town, among other fooleries that attended -it, there were a parcel of Rope-Dancers, and -Tumblers; our boy was Master of so much money, as -to see them two or three times; and having very much -affection to that quality, he purchased acquaintance -with such another Crack Rope as himself, who was a -very nimble and active youth at the Art of Vaulting; -him he invites to our house, and treating him with -such as the House afforded, by all means desires his instructions -in that nimble mistery; he soon assented, and -our boy being ingenuous, and very willing to learn, -soon attains to the knowledg of this mistery, and taking -all opportunities of practising, could soon leap through -a hoop, vault over two or three joynt stools, tumble -on the ground in various manners; and being a pretty -proficient, had money several times given him by -Guests that came to our house, for shewing his tricks; -by vertue of his money he would brag and vapour as -<span class='pageno' id='Page_100'>100</span>well as the best in the house; and the rest of the servants -seeing his gain would attempt to do the like, but -many times came off with the breaking of their shins; -amongst the rest, the Cook maid had a mighty great -itch to learn and practise some of these tricks belike, -supposing that if he, who was a boy, did get so much -money by them, that then she might gain much more -being a maid; and that she might as well do them as -he; the obstacle of Petticoats she removed by, resolving -when she had learned, to have a pair of Breeches -and Doublet for that purpose, and that she questioned -not, but to get money enough, it being a greater -Novelty to see a woman in breeches; but before she -purchased them, she resolved to practice in her ordinary -Habit, her Petticoats, and did so when she had convenient -time and place; so that she likewise could perform -somwhat in that practice. One time most of the -other servants being abroad, she was sent into the Cellar -to draw a Gallon Pot full of Claret Wine; she -believing it would be some time ere it were full, by -reason it ran only through a small Cane whilest the -Pot was filling, she lies down on her back, and resolved -now to try whether she could put her feet in her -neck, in order to practice some new trick of tumbling; -shee soon put one there, and with some difficulty -likewise put the other, when she had so done, -she could not possibly undoe what she had done, her -feet were as fast to her neck, as if they had grown -there; and though she tumbled and tossed, yet it was -all to no purpose, for she could not by any means disentangle, -or disengage her self from the posture she -was in; she finding her self in this condition, knew -not what to do, for the Pot was now full, and -the Wine ran about the Cellar, and with tumbling -about she had made her Coats to fly about her -<span class='pageno' id='Page_101'>101</span>ears; at length she resolved to cry out, hoping her -Mistress, or some other of the females of the house -might hear her, and come to her rescue; this resolution -she put in execution, and cryed out amain, -help, help; we were all in the Room over her, -and therefore soon heard her voice, but not knowing -whose, or what was the matter; mine Host at length -said to the boy, sirrah, run down into Cellar, and see -what is the matter there; the boy did so, and after -some little stay came up again, and cryes out, Oh -Heavens! Master, I think our Cook-maid is murthered -for I went down, and there lyes her body without a -Head, and a great deal of blood about her (which -was the spilt Claret) but, said his Master, are you -sure her head was off? yes, yes, said the boy, come see -how it is cut of from the neck; and yet, continued he, -I cannot think she is yet dead, for she moved her -hands, and still cryes out, but her head I cannot find. -Mine Host hearing of this strange matter, soon ran -down into the Cellar, which was not so dark, nor he -so dim sighted, but he presently discovered how the -matter was. The only thing he did, was to stop the -Wine from running out, by putting the spiggot into -the faucet, and so returned up to us, and told us that -the boy was a little mistaken; but such a sight had he -seen as was very unusual; and thereupon desires us to -desend into the Cellar, and see what he had done; no -sooner had he said so; but our curiosities likewise induced -us to go down, where in short time we likewise -had the satisfaction of seeing this strange sight: how -said I, this is some Monster, and it would do well to -keep it in this manner till the next fair, and then we -may gain more by it then all the Tumblers did. A -pox of Tumbling, said mine Hostess, I believe this -came from that Exercise.</p> - -<p class='c000'><span class='pageno' id='Page_102'>102</span>We thus having spent our Verdicts, helped the -wench to disingage her self, and put her in her wonted -natural posture; but when she was so, she was not -come to her self, so much was she spent with strugling, -and her joynts were so out of order, that we were -forced to lead her up stairs, and put her to bed.</p> - -<p class='c000'>She was mightily ashamed at this mischance, so that -we could hardly perswade her to be seen by anybody; -but the boy was as well pleased, as she was troubled; -it was honey and nuts to him to tell the guests, how -the Cook-maid could do some feats of activity, as -well as he, and then relate to them, in what posture he -found her. Much sport was made upon this account; -and although the Wench was shy at first in being seen, -yet in time she bore it out bravely, when the guests -gave her money to talk with her about this Adventure.</p> - -<p class='c000'>By this means the wench became a great Enemy to -the boy, and did him many shrew’d turns, but durst -not meddle with his body politick, dreading the danger -she should run into by the harmes of others who -had been his persecutors; wherefore she was forced -to let him alone as to matter of action, only now and -then she would exercise her wit upon him, in which -she seldome came off but with the disadvantage. -She was famous for this her trick of activity, by -which she got money, but much more by another, -which she soon after effected, and came more clearly -off with it: It was then in time of rebellion, and all -observations of <em>Christmas</em>, <em>Easter</em>, <em>Whitsontide</em>, or any -Holy-days, were by the Factious accounted superstitious, -especially any observation of <em>Christmas</em>; -and therefore, the more to cross the desire and humour -of those who would observe the feast of <em>Christmas</em>, the -men then in power commanded a strict fast to be on -that day kept and observed, with penalties on all those -<span class='pageno' id='Page_103'>103</span>who should dress any victuals; and althorough the -Town, and especially our house, was of another perswation, -yet such was the prevalency of the Faction, -that it, was strictly observed; & it was given out that the -Officers of the Town would search houses, to find and -punish Offenders. Our Cook-maid hearing of this, -was resolved to put a trick upon the Officers; who -about the middle of Sermon time came attended with -a Guard, to see and examine our Kitching, where they -found not the Jack a going, yet they found a good -fire, and the pot a boyling: <em>How now</em>, said Master -Church warden, <em>How dare you break the Lawes, by -dressing victuals on this day? What have you in the Pot?</em> -Quoth the Maid, <em>Nothing but plumb porridg? How,</em> -said the Church-warden, <em>Superstitious Porridg? this -is a very great offence, and deserves as great punishment, -to do thus in contempt of the Laws; I will see your -Master fined for this, and severely punished. Well</em>, replyed -she, <em>but I pray, Master</em> Church-warden, <em>be not -so angry, but be pacified; which I know you will be, when -you see further what is in the Pot, and with what the -porridge are made; and lest you should mistake I will shew -you</em>; whereupon she went to the Pot and took out a -large pair of Rams-horns, and said, <em>Look you</em>, Master -Church-warden, <em>this is the meat; how like you it? I hope -so well, that you will tast of the broath your self without -scruple of conscience?</em> The case was so plain, and -Master-Church-warden was so sensible that he was -jeer’d, that he made all possible haste out of the house, -threatning what he would do to the Wench, who -now only laughed at him, as did some of his attendants, -who knew the Church-warden was very sensible -of the affront, his wife being one of those who -wore cork-heeld shoes, which made her pass for a -light Huswife, as indeed she was.</p> - -<p class='c000'><span class='pageno' id='Page_104'>104</span>This trick which our Maid put upon the Churchwarden, -raised a great noise in the Town and Country, -and brought all the Cavileers to our house, who gave -her somewhat to her box, so that she was very happy -in this project, and our Host had very great Custom.</p> - -<p class='c000'>But still the Boy and Wench could not agree to set -their horses together; for his business was to be up -in the morning with the first, and help her make her -fire, this he could not indure, for he loved his bed -mightily well, and would rather want his belly full -of victuals, then sleep, he had liberty to lye a bed on -a <em>Sunday</em> so long as he pleased, because then they -had few guests; wherefore he would constantly lye -by it, till dinner time, which he knew by the jack -going; for so long as the jack went, so long would -he lie by it, but when that was stopt, he thought -it was time, to rise to dinner.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The wench observing that he observed this Custome -was resolved to put a trick on him, and therefore one -<em>Sunday</em> though dinner was dressed by twelve a clock, -and eaten by one, yet she let the Jack go on till four -a Clock after-noon, still the boy lay listning to the -Jacks going; and hearing that go still on, gave himself -to lazyness, and took many a sweet turn, which she -laughed at heartily; at length she stopt the Jack, and -immediately the boy arose, and came down stairs (for -he lay in a small loft over the Kitchin) to see what -was become of the roast; but he found none in the -Kitchin, nor Hall, nor no body in the house but the -wench; who seeing him search about for his Dinner, -and asking her questions about the affairs of the belly, -she could not answer him for laughing; but soon after -the family returning from Church, he discovered his -own mistake, and her roguery; for this, he resolved -on a revenge, which he had upon her the next day, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_105'>105</span>when, a considerable dinner being to be dressed; he -was called up in the morning to make a fire; he did so, -and was more than ordinarily diligent, for he laid a -row of Cinders, then fresh Coals, then a row of gun -powder, then a row of Cinders, then more gun-powder, -and so Cinders, till this pile of building was erected; -that done, he slightly kindled it and departed, -going on an errand out of the Town. The Wench -not knowing, or distrusting the intended mischief, -hung on her Pot; and both the Spits of Geese, Capons, -and other Fowls; but before they were a quarter -roasted, the train of Powder took; with that up -flew the Pot; and both the Spits, with all the Fowl, -took a second flight; the Wench was amazed, and -the Dinner spoiled, for the ashes and Cinders had -made all the Fowls of a sad colour: so that the Wench -stamped and swore, as if she had been bewitch’d.</p> - -<hr class='c007' /> - -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c003'>CHAP. IX.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c008'><i>The Maid is out-witted by a Country Fellow in an -eateing wager, and so is her Master, mine Host; -who makes himself whole again by another eating -wager. Three Women drink off eighteen Gallons of -Rhenish Wine at one sitting, and the manner how.</i></p> - -<p class='c004'>Mrs. <em>Dorothy</em> pausing, and we laughing, gave -her the conveniency to consider of what she -was to say further; wherefore in short time she thus -proceeded.</p> - -<p class='c000'><span class='pageno' id='Page_106'>106</span>The poor Wench was at a great loss, to think that -the Guests must loose their dinner; and she could not -for a long time think how this came about, nor distrust -that the boy had been concerned in it; but at -length, the mist being removed, her eyes were opened, -and she believed the boy to be the Authour of this -mischief. But since it was done, and what was past -could not be prevented or helped; she bethought her -self how to proceed; and therefore, her Mistress coming -into the Kitchin, and seeing the state of the matter, -they likewise called me and the Daughter, to assist in -the remedy; whilst the Wench made the fire good, -we fell to washing the Fowls from the fowleness -which the Cinders and Ashes had caused; but when -that was done, we had a further and more tedious -work, to pick out several corns of powder that were -fastned into the skins of the Fowls; at length, with -many hands, we likewise performed this work, and -with an hours loss, the Dinner was in as much forwardness -as it had been; and at length, it was dressed -and eaten; but the Guests tasting, and seeing some -remains of the Gun-powder, my Host excused it well -enough, by telling them that those Fowles were shot -by an accident.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Thus was the Dinner eaten, and much Wine drank -off before the boy returned; but so soon as he came -in, mine Host took him by the hand, and led him into -the room where the Guests were still a drinking: and -first desireing silence, and then their pardon, he told -them this was the Gunner, that had shot all those -Fowls they had eaten, at one shot; how, said they, he -is an excellent marks-man: yes truly, said mine Host, -but he had a strange kind of instrument to do this Execution; -and I pray, Gentlemen, do you examine him -how it was done.</p> - -<p class='c000'><span class='pageno' id='Page_107'>107</span>The Guests thinking there was somewhat in the -matter that was pleasant, desired the boy to acquaint -them with it; he seeing how matters went, and believing -no harm would come to him, in plain terms told -them all; they were strangely pleased with the boyes -discourse; and he having told them the manner how -he did it, they desired to know the cause, wherefore; -to this he replyed, it was because the maid had -cheated him of his Dinner, by letting the Jack to go, -as I told you.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The rehearsal of that Adventure pleased them as -much as the other; and the maid was call’d in, who -confessing all that the boy had told them, the Guests -made them Friends, and gave money to each of -them; advising the Wench not by any means to fall -out with the boy, and so they dismissed them.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Thus had we much pleasure by Adventures, which -every day fell out between this boy and some body or -other, but I will leave that, to tell you of somewhat -else, as considerable and pleasant. Our Cook-maid, -though she were pretty cunning and witty; was yet -sometimes out-witted; for one day, an ordinary -Country fellow came into the Kitchin; and calling -for a Flaggon of beer, sate down by the fire to drink -it and thus he began with the Wench: Here is good -drink at your house, but I wonder you are not as well -provided with Victuals; why, said she, so we are, for -here is good meat at the fire, shewing him a piece of -roast beef, that weighed above a stone; yes, said he -again, the meat may be good, but there is but a little -of it, there is enough for you, replyed she; no, but -there is not, said he; how, said she, can you eat all -this? Yes, that I can, said he; I’le lay a wager of -that, said she; what you dare, said the man, she would -have the wager be a quart of wine (for she was -<span class='pageno' id='Page_108'>108</span>resolved against money wagers) nay, said the Man, a -pint is enough for me with this meat, and so much will -I lay: She thinking, that the less she layd the less she -should lose, if she lost, and being very desirous to see -this great wager of eating performed, agreed to his -Terms, and thereupon he fell too lustily, and did eat -considerably, but far short of all, so that he consented -his wager to be lost, and the pint of wine was called -for; he seizing on it first, put it to his nose, and drank -all off; and throwing down <em>six pence</em> for his pint of -wine, and <em>two pence</em> for his pot of beer, was departing, -when her Mistress, mine Hostess, enters the Kitchin, -and seeing the fellow departing, asked who must pay -for the meat? Not I, said the fellow; Nor I, said the -wench, so that a controversie arose between them; but -mine Host and some company coming in, ended it, -by ajudging, that since the Country-man called for no -meat, it was not fit he should pay for it, and he not -paying, the maid must, which she presently did it, -but was laughed at for her folly. But she was not the -only over-reach’d person in the house, for it was not -long ere mine Host himself was finely caught.</p> - -<hr class='c012' /> - -<p class='c000'>There came three men, who although they were -neighbours, and famous for eating, yet mine Host not -knowing them, they thus over-reach’d him: they -came to sup, and lye there that night, and therefore -went into the Kitchin to see what was for Supper. -There was Capons, Pidgeons, and Sparagus: Very -good meat, said they: Now, mine Host, what -shall we give you a peice for our supper of these -three sorts of victuals? He asked, how much they -would have drest: they asked him the same -question, How much he would dress: Why, said -he, I will dress three Capons, three dozen of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_109'>109</span>Pidgeons, and fifteen hundred of Sparagus. Very -good, said they: but if this be not enough, we -expect to have more. That you shall, said he; -but you shall sup first, and I hope there will be -enough for my self and family, when you have -done. For that, you must adventure it, said they; -Well now, your price? Said mine Host, I will have -three <em>shillings</em> four <em>pence</em> a piece, that is, ten <em>shillings</em> -in all. Content, said they; Make haste that we -may drink afterwards. Thus was the Bargain made -up, and the Fowls laid down to the fire. In the mean -time the three Travellors fetched a walk, to get them -(as they said) a stomack to their Supper; which in -convenient time being ready, and they returned, they -thus began; each of the three took, each of them, a -Capon whole on their trenchers; and cutting them -into pieces, they made one mouthful of each wing, another -of each leg; and scraping all the meat from -the Carcass, into two or three mouth-fuls, the Capons -were invisible; then they drank each his cup of Claret, -to whet their appetites; that being done, they fell -to the Pidgeons, and cutting each Pidgeon into four -quarters, they eat them, bones and all, at four bits; -and then they drank again, and fell to the Sparagus, -which was in short time bestowed where the rest of -the victuals was; mine Host seeing them so quick at -their work, stared at them, and they calling for another -glass of wine drank to him, and told him, that he must -provide more victuals, or lose his wager, he being angry -at both their propositions, at length thought it was -better to let them have more meat, than not to be paid -for what they had, and be laughed at into the Bargain; -wherefore he replyed, they should have enough; and -calling for the Cook-maid, commanded her to -dress the same quantity of victuals; she staring -<span class='pageno' id='Page_110'>110</span>on the Guests, they bad her go down, and make haste -for they wanted their supper: down she went, and did -accordingly; and whilst supper was dressing, they -walked and smoak’d, in their Chamber. In time the -other course, consisting of three Capons, three dozen -of Pigeons, and fifteen hundred of Sparagus was -brought up, and in as little time as before it was eaten -up, as the former had been to the great cost, loss, and -confusion of mine Host; who stared now worse than -he had done; but however he again asked them, if -they would have any more; to this they readily replyed, -<em>Yes</em>. He again called, and the Cook maid being -come up, was commanded to dress the same quantity -again, and that quickly: She replyed, she could not, -for all the Fowl that was killed, was eaten; and it -would be a great while, ere she could kill, pull and -dress the like quantity; besides, there was no more -Sparagus then to be had; they told mine Host they -must have their bargain, or he lose his wager: he replyed, -if he could not furnish them with that, yet they -might have of any other sort of victuals: they said, -they would have that, or none, or else a third way, -come to composition, to this mine Host gave ear, and -asked what composition: they told him, that indeed -though they could give a dispatch to more victuals, -yet they would for once forbear further eating, and -exchange their victuals for drink: so they reckoned -what their other mess of victuals might come to, which -being computed to ten shillings, they desired ten shillings -worth of wine. Mine Host shook his head at this -and said, they did him too hard, which they confessing, -and a little further discoursing on, it was agreed -that they should have each of them a quart of -<em>Canary</em>, in full satisfaction of the wager: this they -had, this they drank off, and so went to bed, where -<span class='pageno' id='Page_111'>111</span>they slept more soundly then mine Host, who with all -his Family went supperless to bed; and he was extreamly -vex’d, that he should be out-witted and over-reached -by three Bumpkins; but what could not be -cured must be endured; it was but a folly to complain, -self do, self have, and now he remember’d the wager -between the Cook-maid and Country-man, and had -no cause to laugh at her anymore. Night being spent, -part in sleep, and part in these cogitations, he arose, -and so did his guests, who honestly paid their shot, -though not half so much as their reckoning came to; -and at departure they told him, that if ever he had occasion -for an eating wager, if he would send for -any of them, they would do their weak endeavours -to assist him as much to his gain as this had -been to his loss; and thereupon acquainted him with -the places of their dwellings, they departed: and indeed, -it was not long ere he had occasion to make use -of them; for a Person of Quality, being to travel our -Road, sent his boy before to our house to bespeak a -Supper; the boy, having mistook his Master in his -direction, instead of a couple of Capons, and a dozen -of Larks, which he had ordered him to bespeak, he -bespeak, a dozen of Capons, and a Couple of Larks, -mine Host did somewhat distrust the boy for his directions, -when he spake of a couple of Larks, and -told him surely he was mistaken, he must have two dozen -of Larks; no, said the boy, my Master is but a -small eater, and the dozen of Capons and the two -Larks will be enough for him and his Company, which -is but one Gentleman, besides himself; well, replyed -mine Host, however I’le provide two dozen of Larks; -and if your Master will not eat them, I’le have them -my self; to this the boy consented, and the fowls -were ordered to be dressed accordingly: mine Host -<span class='pageno' id='Page_112'>112</span>was very sensible of the mistake, and that the Boy -should have bespoke but two Capons, and a dozen -of Larks; but however, the boy being so confident -that it was a dozen of Capons, he was resolved -to dress them, and that his Master should pay -for them; but lest they should be left on his -hands, and deducted for, he bethought on a way to -have them dispatched; wherefore he dispatched away -a boy to one of his three Capon and Pidgeon eaters, -desiring him to favour him so far, as to come that -evening to his house; for he did believe he might do -him a kindness in some affairs relating to the teeth and -guts. The Country man was at home, and came at -his time: but before he came, the Master of the boy -came thither, and asking what was for Supper, was -answered, a dozen of Capons, and two dozen of -Larks; and for whom is all this provision? said the -Gentleman. For your worship, said mine Host: how -so, said the Gentleman, by whose order? by your -servants, replyed mine Host; and thereupon the boy -being called, sirrah, said his Master, what orders did I -give you about my supper? Sir, said the boy, I believe -there is a mistake, and so I told mine Host. For -I only bespake a dozen of Capons, and a couple of -Larks; and he said, it was too little, and that he would -dress two dozen of Larks. The Gentleman and his -Friend laughed at the Boyes mistake, and excuse; and -mine Host said, that he thought two dozen of Larks -was little enough for one dozen of Capons. That is -true, said the Gentleman; but I ordered the boy to bespeak -only a couple of Capons, and a dozen of Larks. -You see said mine Host, It is not my mistake, and I -did nothing but was reasonable. I but, said the Gentleman, -it is unreasonable to think, that we two and -the boy can eat so much as you have provided for us; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_113'>113</span>not so unreasonable neither, as you think, Sir, replyed -mine Host; for I’le lay a good wager, that I’le produce -one man, that can, and will eat up all the Capons -himself; how, said the Gentleman? I’le never believe -that, and I’le lay twenty shillings of it, and venture my -Supper; done, said mine Host; done, said the Gentleman; -and so both their moneys were laid into the other -Gentlemans hand. Thus was this wager concluded of -and mine Host went to his Teeth and Gut-Champion, -who attended the sport; he told him the wager; -to that he shook his head, and said it was a hard task; -but he would strive to serve him. Supper being ready, -it was Ushered in by mine Host, leading his Champion -by the hand; who, after due reverance to the Company, -sits down; and the meat being placed on the -board, the wager was again recited; and it was further -agreed, that the Champion might have what drink -he would call for; and thereupon he began to use his -teeth, and the rest of the Company their eyes, to behold -the manner how he made so quick a dispatch of -his Victuals. I told you already how, and in that manner -he did eat; but now being to do much, he took -more time than ordinary; but in time, ten of the -twelve were made invisible, being put into our Gut-mongers -<em>Christmas</em> Cup-board, and the eleventh was -on his Trencher, and part of it sent down his belly, -when mine Host looked on him with a more than curious -eye, and discovered somewhat of discontent, which -caused him to cry out, <em>Come Friend! bear up, and -here’s to you</em>; thank you, replyed the Eater; and -taking the drink from mine Host, he whispering -him in the ear, said; You have lost, I can eat no -more. How, said the Gentleman, what sayes he? -Nothing, said mine Host, but that he is sure you -have lost, for he can eat a dozen more: How, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_114'>114</span>replyed the Gentle-man, but by my faith he shall -not, for i’le have this my self for my Supper: and -thereupon he seized on the twelfth Capon, and laying -it on his Trencher, cuts it in peices, and gives to his -Friend. Nay then, said mine Host, I see you agree -the wager to be mine: yes, replyed the Gentleman, -I had better do so, than fill his belly, and lose my -own supper; and thereupon the money was given to -mine Host; who now, meerly by his quickness of -wit in thinking, and confidence in speaking so contrary -to the Eaters saying, won the wager; and, which -was most, saving his own credit, and that of his Champion, -who clearly confessed, that the wager was in -great danger to be lost.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Thus did mine Host get as much as he lost by the -former wager, and the Gentleman was well pleased -at the loss of his; and all parties being contented, -they went to bed, and next day parted.</p> - -<p class='c000'>And now, continued Mrs. <em>Dorothy</em>, that my hand -is in, I’le tell you one Story more of the like nature, -and so conclude with this eating discourse.</p> - -<p class='c000'>It was not long ere some Company came to the -House, and in the Company three Women, who were -good girls, absolute <em>Bona Roba’s</em>, they had a great -desire to drink <em>Rhenish</em> wine, and therefore asked if -we had any? Mine Host told them yes, he had a -Runlet of eighteen Gallons newly come in, and it was -excellent good; the women said that would hardly -serve one sitting: no said one of the Gentle-men surely -it will: they said no, they would wager that they -themselves could drink it off at one sitting. The Gentleman -told them that if they would, he would not -only pay for it, but also give unto each of them forty -shillings, to buy a new Petticoat; this they agreed -to, nay, they said they would not rise from their seats -<span class='pageno' id='Page_115'>115</span>e’re it was done, provided they might have Anchoves, -and Neats-tongues, and such like victuals to intermix: -this was agreed on, and that they might the more -conveniently do their business, they had each of them -an empty Butter-firkin with the head knock’d off, and -so taking up their Coates, they laid their bare bums -on the firkins, thus they sate, and thus they drank, -sometimes eating and other whiles talking, so that in -four hours time, all the wine was drank off, and if -they had occasion to evacuate, they did that without -trouble sitting as they did on butter-firkins.</p> - -<hr class='c007' /> - -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c003'>CHAP. X.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c008'><i>Mrs.</i> Dorothy <i>discourses of the several cheats of -Drawers and Tapsters, inventing bad drink and -small measure. The Host carries two men before the -Justice, where he came off with the loss. He is out-witted -by two Guests, but is revenged on them by the -boyes assistance.</i></p> - -<p class='c004'>These were the frolicks we daily had at our house, -which were commonly to the profit of mine -Host; for whoever won or lost he went away with -the profit and gain; and indeed his gain was very -great both in his victuals and drink, for when wine -was to be sold at eighteen pence the quart, we had -two shillings or half a crown, and that we might not -come within the compass of the law, to every bottle -of Wine, a small plate of Olives was carried up, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_116'>116</span>neither was this enough to have the price, but the -Wine was generally mixt, and bad; and that the -Guests might as well be cheated in quantity as quality, -it was commonly sold in bottles, where we many -times had two shillings or half a crown for a bottle of -Wine that would not hold above a pinte and a half; -and for instance, I will relate one little fine Cheat to -that purpose: A Company of Gentlemen come to our -house and call’d for Wine, which they drank off but -liked not, wherefore they called the Drawer, and desiring -another bottle told him that there was two faults -in the Wine they had drank, the one that it was not -so good as they expected, the other, that the bottle was -not full measure; they therefore desired him to mend -both the quality and quantity in the next, since they -intended him, and always gave the best price, half a -crown a bottle, he promised an amendment as to both, -and so went down, and indeed was as good as his word, -drawing the best wine in the Cellar, and that in a Bottle -of the largest size; they thanked him and for his encouragement -to continue honest to them they gave him -a shilling, he pocketed the money and left them, they -drank on and finding their wine good, called for more, -which they had: But mark the falsness and ingratitude -of this rascally Drawer, he in short time first changed -their wine, and gave them worse, and not contented -with that likewise cheated them of their measure, he -carried a bottle of wine and filled a glass out of it, -when one of the Gentlemen who was not yet so -dim sighted but he could see somewhat of the intended -cheat, cry’d hold Drawer, let me see that Glass -and Bottle, and thereupon poured the wine into the -bottle which was indifferent full but looking on the -bottle, and seeing it was very small, he said: surely -this Bottle does not hold a full quart, Oh Lord! Sir, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_117'>117</span>said the Drawer, do you think I would wrong you? -I do not know; replyed the Gentleman, but I much distrust -it, you have no cause replyed the Drawer, for I -am sure that bottle is full measure, what will you wager -of that said the Gentleman? any thing you will, -said the Drawer: But do you think I would put any -tricks upon Gentlemen I have so great respect for, no -surely? But said the Gentleman I must and will be satisfied, -that you may quickly be, replyed the Drawer, -for I will fetch a new sealed quart pot and measure it, -this was agreed upon, and in short time up comes the -Drawer with a quart pot in his hand, being come to -the Table he takes the bottle and pours the wine out of -that into the quart pot, which when looked upon was -full as it ought to be, now said one to the Gentleman -who complained, you have wronged the honest Drawer -and must give him satisfaction for the abuse, truly -replyed he, I was very much mistaken, and my -mind still gives me that there is some cunning trick and -cheat in this contrivance, and that it is not as it appears -to be; truly replyed the Drawer, if you think I have -done you any abuse you do me wrong, and besides the -great respect I have for you who are my Masters best -Customers, I know if I should attempt to wrong you, -my Master would be much troubled and would not -keep a Servant in his House that should do it; well for -all this replyed the Gentleman, I pray let me see the -bottle and quart pot, the Drawer delivered him the -quart pot freely, but parted from the bottle with much -unwillingness, but in fine the Gentleman had them both -when presently he takes the quart pot and out of that -filled the bottle, and then he found the Cheat, which -was this; there was more than half a pint of wine left -in the quart pot, how now, said the Gentleman who is -wronged now, where lies the Cheat? The Drawer seeing -himself found out and fearing he should be beaten -<span class='pageno' id='Page_118'>118</span>replyed, I do not know, and so turn’d his back and left -them; great was the admiration of the whole company, -of the management of this cheat, but much more at -the impudence of the Drawer; now they all perceived -that the Drawer when he went down into the Cellar -to bring up a quart pot, brought wine in it, and that above -half a pint, the acting of the thing it self was -not so much as the manner, that this knavish Drawer -should be so impudent as to stand in it, and justifie it -with language, when as if he had not been too confident, -and so soon as he had put the wine into a quart -pot had immediately gone away, he might have escaped -undiscovered; but it was his fortune so to be found -out to the great admiration of the whole company, -who although they found themselves cheated, yet -were hugely pleased with the manner, and made it -their discourse in all Taverns they came into for a long -time after; but I believe it was to as little purpose -with others, as with our folks, for when any such -tricks or cheats have been told in our house, our people -would only give them the hearing, and seem to be -astonished with the discourse, but be never a whit the -better for it, but immediately upon the next opportunity -do the same thing or as bad, and this was their -constant practice; they would draw wine in glass bottles -that were so thick at the bottom that when they -were empty they were as heavy as if they were half -full, and also batter’d pots that would not hold out -measure, and sometimes would fill a pot not above -three quarters full, and when the Drawer brought it in, -he would presently fill out a glass, and stare them in -the face as Juglers do when they are about their <em>Hocus -Pocus</em>, slight of hand tricks, and so carry it off, and out -of pretence to civility to fill the first glasses they -would do it, but their end was quite different, it -<span class='pageno' id='Page_119'>119</span>being only to deceive them and to hinder them from -seeing the false measure that is brought them, which -cannot be discovered when a glass or two is filled out.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Mine Host was finely caught one day with a pot not -being filled: Two Old Country men coming to our -house in a morning called for a quart of wine, the -Drawer believing they were to be choused, brought -up a quart pot, but it was little more than half full, -he intended they should have it raw, but it being a -cold morning, they bad him rost it, that is put it to -the fire and burn it; he was now at a loss in not filling -out the first glass, but not knowing how to help it, he -did set it down before the fire, and I suppose, he intended -to fill it up afterwards, but he forgetting that, -and the old men being busie in discourse forgot to look -to it, when on a sudden they look’d, and the pot was -melted almost half way down, which was as far as -there was no wine in it; with that the maid seeing it -call’d out to them, what honest men do you melt your -pot? Not we, said they, it is the fire, but you are like -to pay for it, replyed the wench, that is when we do, -said they, at this mine Host came up, the maid tells -how that these two old men had been telling their -<em>Canterbury</em> tales so long that the pot was melted, then -they must pay for it said mine Host, for it was given -to their charge; thereupon the Drawer was call’d, -who likewise averred that he gave them the pot with -the wine into their charge and custody, and that therefore -they ought to look after it, and since it was damaged -to pay for it. They replyed, they took no charge -of it, neither did they touch it, but only ordered him, -to burn it well: mine Host said they should pay, and -they said they would not, whereupon he threatened -them with a Justices Warrant; they were somewhat -unwilling to be troubled, and were content to pay for -<span class='pageno' id='Page_120'>120</span>the wine, and allow six pence more for mending the -pot, mine Host replying that would not do, for it could -not be mended, and he must have a new one; they seeing -him so unreasonable, were content the Justice -should decide the Controversie; wherefore before the -Justice they went, and mine Host there made his Complaint -that those two men had melted his quart pot, -and refused to pay for it. The Justice perceiving where -the matter lay, and that he told his tale wrong, -desired the men to speak, who in plain terms told him -they took no charge of the pot, but onely desired the -Drawer to cause Wine to be burnt, that he had accordingly -set it down by the fire, and without their handling -or touching it, the pot was melted. So, said the -Justice, and did neither of you drink of the Wine? No, -not one drop, replyed the old men, and yet we offered -to pay for the Wine, and give sixpence towards mending -the pot. This is more than you shall need to do, -said the Justice, & then he thuss proceeded to mine Host.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Friend, with what confidence can you demand any -money of these men that had nothing of you? since -you would not do them justice, I will; I do hereby acquit -them from paying any thing for Wine, because -they never had any; and for the melting the pot, how -did they do it? It was not they, but your servant who -drew the Wine, who had he filled the pot full of wine, -the fire could not have melted it; for I very well understand -that the pot was melted no further than it -was empty: And further, continued the Justice, this -shall not serve your turn, for I shall Fine you for not -filling your pot; Your Crime is very apparent and evident, -and so shall your punishment be, and I order you, -as a Fine, to pay down Twenty shillings for your misdemeanor, -or else I shall make your <em>Mittimus</em>, and -send you to Prison. Thus was the Case altered, and the -Tale was now of another Hog; for mine Host who expected -<span class='pageno' id='Page_121'>121</span>satisfaction, was forced to give it, and that immediatly, -or else go to Prison.</p> - -<p class='c000'>This went against the hair, but Necessity hath no -Law, and therefore down he paid the money, and came -home heartily vexed, not so much for the money he -had paid, as for the disgrace he received; for he was -now become the Town-talk: But however, since he -could not help the disgrace, he was forced to be contented -with that; but for his loss, he soon fetch’d it -up either in false measures, Over-reckonings, or some -such practises as I have told you. And besides these -extraordinary gains he made by Drink, he had his -ways to cheat in Victuals, he would reckon for a Dish -of anchoves that stood him in ten pence, or a shilling, -two shillings or half a Crown at the least; and carry -them in a large Dish an inch asunder from one another. -<em>Whestphalia</em> Ham of Bacon he would cut so thin, and -make such a large show of a little meat, that he would -reckon two shillings for that which stood him in two -groats; nay, and sometimes be paid six pence for fouling -of Linnen to it. A Neats-tongue of two shillings, -he would reckon four shillings, or four shillings six -pence for it, nay though they were cheated of part of -it, as I remember he was caught in the manner about -one. A Neat’s-tongue being call’d for, and carried in -to the Guests, but first (as the manner is) it was slit -down quite through the middle, and not barely so, -but mine Hostess her self had gelded it, and cut off from -each side a fine large slice, which she intended for some -other Gentlemen in the House, to draw down th’other -Bottle of wine. This Neats-tongue being carried to the -Guests, one of them complained of the cutting it, saying, -he had rather have had it whole; for (said he) -there is less loss in cutting it in slices cross-ways than -this. Why (said another) you may do so still, -and thereupon he took the Tongue and clapt it -<span class='pageno' id='Page_122'>122</span>together again, but it would not come close by -above half an inch; and they discovered the place, -where it had been pared, to look wide like a mouth: -they perceiving the cheat, were resolv’d to try a little -farther experiment, and therefore called in for mine -Host, who with a <em>Sit you merry Gentlemen</em> came in: -Landlord (said one) I pray what do you reckon for -this Neats-Tongue? Not above four shillings, or four -shillings sixpence, said he: I but that is too much reply’d -the man, this is but a little one, and I think not -a whole one. How! reply’d mine Host, not a whole -one! that were a good jest indeed; I say tis a whole -one, and a large one too. I’le wager a quart of Sack -(said the Gentleman) that you are mistaken; Done, -said mine Host: whereupon the Neats-Tongue was -clapt together, and mine Host quickly saw that he had -lost; he began to flounce and fluster, saying, that some -of the company had done it; but leaving the Room, -and going to his wife in the Kitchin, he soon found that -he had lost indeed: the company being good guests to -the house he was unwilling to displease them; wherefore -he drew a quart of wine, went in and acknowledged -his error, and paid for it, excusing the matter as -well as he could, and they took all in good part. Thus -was he sometimes caught, and paid for it; but not once -in twenty times but he caught his guests, and made -them pay for it. They would not only cheat their -guests, but their own servants bellies; for except they -had good trading, that the Servants might feed on the -reversione of their guests dinners, they were like to go -without, or at least have a poor one: she was very niggardly, -and when they had salt fish, which was commonly -once a week, she would allow them neither -Oyl nor Butter, but only Mustard, but she was broken -of that custom in this manner; after they had one -<span class='pageno' id='Page_123'>123</span>day din’d with fish, drest as I tell you, down stairs -went one servant, then another, and so one after another -they all dropt away and went into the Cellar; -where when they were come, the Drawer said, now -to our old Custom, that is, since we have had no oyl -nor butter, to our fish, we will soak it in sack, my -friends, and that of the best, every one his half pint, -and so away to our business: mine Host having some -business with some of the servants, and finding them -all missing, went to the Cellar door, and there he not -only heard this proposition made by the Drawer, but -saw it also confirmed and executed; whereupon he -went to his wife, and commanded her for the future -to allow his servants not onely oyl with their mustard -to their salt fish, but butter and eggs too if they would -have it, and so they had for the future. I have known -mine Host sell and take money for one Joynt of meat -twice, in this manner: when a Feast hath been above -stairs, Joynts of Meat, and Fowles that have hardly -been touched, have been brought down and sold to -guests below, as fresh brought from the fire, at a very -good rate: indeed no opportunity hath been omitted, -to gain money. There was a pretty passage hapned -about a couple of guests, that upon occasion lay there -two or three nights together; thus it was: two men -came one night to lodge, and being not well in health, -it having been cold and rainy, they desired a good -fire in their Chamber, which they had without any -supper, or any drink, but a quart of burnt wine, and so -they went to bed: the next day proving cold and rainy -and their business not being very urgent, they continued -there, and kept their Chamber, with little victuals, -and as little drink; but however they kept a good -fire, and mine Host seeing they had little else but fireing, -was resolved he would get sufficiently by that, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_124'>124</span>and therefore the next morning when they call’d to -know what was to pay, he reckoned them ten shillings -for fireing for two nights and one day: this demand -they thought was very unreasonable, but, they knew -that they could not help themselves, for he would -have what he demanded; and besides, to say truth, firing -was very scarce and dear in that Country: the two -Travellers paid their shot, and intended to leave the -house, but the weather proved so cold and stormy, they -could not; wherefore they were forced to stay; but -they resolved withall to be better Husbands of their -fireing than they had been, but could not tell how, -till in the end looking about the house they saw a -great old fashion’d Bed-stead, that lay useless in a -Hole: they not telling for what use, asked my Landlord -the price of it, who not dreaming of their purpose, -in few words sold it to them for five shillings; -when they had bought it, they hired a fellow for one -shilling to cut it in pieces fit for fireing; and now being -furnished with fewel, they resolved to keep a good -fire which they did, and calling for mine Host, and a -quart of wine, bad him welcome to their good Husbandry; -for the wood they had bought of the bed-stead -was as much agen as they had paid ten shillings -for, wherefore they made a good fire, and sung old -rose in the gun-room. Mine Host being thus beaten -at his own weapons, and his own Goods by himself -sold to his loss, was somewhat netled, and discovered -his anger to his servants. Master (said the unhappy -boy) if you please I’le be revenged of them: do if you -can (said the Master) not doing mischief. The boy -having a commission, was not long e’re he put it in execution; -for joyning another Servant in confederacy -with him, they went that evening to wait on the two -guests, when among other matters they talked of spirits -<span class='pageno' id='Page_125'>125</span>and apparitions; quoth the boy, we are often -troubled with them here, and especially in this Chamber: -I am sorry for that (said one of our Travellers) -for I am very fearful of any such things: and thus the -boy possed them with fear of that which he intended -and executed; for about midnight he and his confederate -took a Calf out of the Cow-house, and tying his -four legs together, but so as he might not only stand, -but go a little; they put him into our Travellers chamber, -and there waited the event; it was not long e’re -the Calf began to pace it about the Room, making an -unusual noise; and in this manner he continued <a id='corr125.12'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='staming'>stamping</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_125.12'><ins class='correction' title='staming'>stamping</ins></a></span> -till both our Travellers were awake, who hearing -the noise, were possessed with fear and astonishment, -supposing it to be a spirit that was told them of: -thereupon they shrunk close into the bed for fear; the -noise continuing, and no harm or danger coming to -them, at length one of them consented to rise and light -a candle to see what was the matter; a candle was -found, and some remains of fire being still in the chimney, -thither he went: and stooping down fell a blowing -with his mouth to light the candle, the Calf seeing a -light, went thitherwards, and espying somewhat that -was pendulous between the Travellers Legs, and taking -it to be his Mother Cows Teat, thrust his chaps -thitherwards, and seizing it in his mouth, fell full lustily -to sucking, the Traveller perceiving himself caught -by the Members, and not knowing by what, and being -in fear of losing them, fell a roaring very loud, to the -great sorrow and grief of his bed-fellow, and as great -joy of our unhappy Boy and his Confederate.</p> - -<hr class='c007' /> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_126'>126</span> - <h2 class='c003'>CHAP. XI.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c008'><i>Six Country Blades steal a Goose and two Hens; by -the contrivance of two of them and the Host; the other -four pay soundly for them, and laugh at their Companions. -A Traveller by a mistake lies with another -mans Wife. A noise of Fidlers are forced to pay for -their sawciness.</i></p> - -<p class='c004'>The poor Traveller, who was thus used by the -Calf, still continued his roaring out, and the Calf -being hungry, did suck very hard, but to no purpose, -our young Crack-rope and his Companion still listening -and laughing: but in fine, the noise continuing, -and they doubting that there was more than sport, -they entered the Chamber, where they saw the Calf -close to the Traveller, but could not tell what he did -there; but the Traveller still making a noise, they -came near, and perceiving the Calfs mistake; they -thrust somewhat into his mouth, and thereby disingaged -him from the Travellers Bawble: He still lay -on the Ground whilst they carried the Calf out of the -Chamber, soon returning with a lighted Candle to see -what was the matter: the Traveller was by that time -somewhat come to himself, and feeling that he had -lost nothing, was indifferently satisfied: they being -now entered the Chamber, asked what was the matter? -and wherefore he made so much noise? he now -looking about the Chamber, and seeing nothing but -People with a light, whom he knew, could not well -<span class='pageno' id='Page_127'>127</span>tell what answer to give, only he told them, that the -Devil, or some wicked Spirit had been there, and he -had like to have been mischiev’d by him, but that now -he found himself well again: his Fellow-Traveller -likewise said that there had been some walking in the -Chamber, but what it was, and wherefore his Companion -roared out, he knew not: in fine, they who -had done the mischief were thanked for their readiness -to come and assist them; and so with some perswations -our Traveller went to bed again, where he -lay till the next morning, although he slept not, so -great was his fear of the foul Fiend; but so soon as -morning came they both arose, and though the weather -still continued cold and rainy, yet they could not -be perswaded to stay any longer in our Inn, but paying -their reckoning left it, and half their wood behind -them; so that mine Host was now no looser by this -bargain, it being ready cleft to sell to the next cold -Guest that should arrive there.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The last passage hapned in the Winter time, a little -before <em>Christmas</em>, which soon after coming, we had -two or three notable Accidents that befel in our Inn; -the first was this: half a dozen of young Country -Blades had been abroad a Fowling, or a Fooling rather, -and among other purchase that they had, they -coming near a Farm-house where there was store of -Poultry, at two shots which they made, they kill’d -two Hens and a Goose: this with the rest of their -Game they brought to our house to be dressed against -the next day for dinner: they drank some bottles of -wine when they brought them, and being merry (said -one) we will to morrow drink a health to the owner -of the Hens and Geese: well, that we will (said another,) -but I would not for forty shillings that he -should know of it, for if he did, I doubt he would -<span class='pageno' id='Page_128'>128</span>make us pay sawce: and truly I am yet somewhat -fearful that we shall be discovered: so am I, said another, -and so a third; well, if we be found out we can -pay for them, and my share shall be ready. This was -their discourse, and so for that time they parted; but -it was not long ere two of the Company returned, and -calling for a bottle of wine fell heartily a laughing; -and (sayes the one to the other) I am resolved it shall -be so, and with the assistance of mine Host we may -carry the matter very closely; and thereupon mine -Host was call’d for: he being come, they told him that -they must have his assistance in a design, which he promised -should not be wanting, and thereupon one of -them thus began: mine Host, we have this day, as you -know, been a Fowling, and part of what we brought -in we plunder’d for, or in plain English, stole; now -some of our Company are very conscious of their guilt -and are not only penitent, but fearful; now it is our -design to increase their fear, and get some money out -of them to make us merry; and thus we have contrived -it: to morrow when we are towards the latter end of -our dinner, I would have you to tell us, that there is a -Country fellow, who enquires for such persons as we -are, and likewise that he was here as this day to enquire -of us, and that he talks of a warrant that he -hath against us about some Poultry his Master lost, and -that he suspected us to be guilty; and withal you may -add, that he is resolved to have the Law against us, and -that you have had much adoe to perswade him to be -patient till we had din’d. Mine Host having heard the -instructions, was no Fool, but soon understood them, -and procur’d a Country Fellow to manage the business -so well, that they should be all startled, only (said he) -you shall allow him half a Crown for his labor, and -the rest that he gets of you (for I know you intend a -<span class='pageno' id='Page_129'>129</span>Composition) shall be justly return’d you. Thus was -this Affair agreed on, and accordingly the next day -managed: for the Guests also came at the hour appointed, -and merrily drank about till Dinner was -brought in; which being come they fell to eating, and -the Goose being well nigh eaten, a Glass of Wine was -call’d for to drink a Health to the Owner, and mine -Host himself was then call’d for up to make one in the -Frolick: he being come, and seeing whereabouts Causes -went, thought it now a fit time to begin, and therefore -he thus bespeaks the Company: Gentlemen, I understand -your Health, and shall willingly drink it, but -if I be not mistaken, you will have but little cause to be -so merry on this occasion: why? what’s the matter, -says one? what’s the matter, said another? I’le tell -you presently, reply’d mine Host, but first let us drink; -whereupon up went his Glass, and down Gutter-lane -went the Wine, and mine Host being grave in his -Countenance, and slow in his Speech, they all, as -amazed, star’d either on him or one another, wondring -what should be the meaning of mine Host’s Speech: At -length he spake, and acquainted them with the business, -just as he and two of the Company had agreed on; -then having done, added farther, That he had endeavoured -to underfeel the Fellow that was below, but he -found him very obstinate, and doubted very much that -he woad make no end but what the Law should: How! -(said one) is your fooling come to this! Oh Lord! -(said another) we have brought our Hogs to a fair -Market: Well (said a third) but what must we do in -this case? Truly (said mine Host) if I may advise -you, I would have one of you go down to treat with -the Fellow, and see what composition you can draw -him to: This was in the end thought to be the best -way, and thereupon one went down with mine Host; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_130'>130</span>so soon as the Country-man saw him (being well instructed -in every thing) he cries out, nay, I am sure I -am in the right, for though the man hath changed his -Clothes, yet that won’t serve his turn: I know you -well Sir, said he, by your hair and beard: What do -you know replyed the guest? why I know, said the -Country-man that you are one of the six that stole my -Masters two Hens and Goose; I saw you well enough -when you did it, and know you all well enough when -I see you again; I follow’d you hither yesterday, & see -you hous’d, and able to swear before Mr. Justice that -you are the persons; and my Master is resolved to prosecute -you, for he hath lost as much Poultry this winter -as is worth five pound, and now we have found you -you shall pay for all. How! (said the Guest) surely -you do not mean as you say; one body may be like -another, and you may be mistaken; and besides, if it -were so, that we were the Parties, you mean yet a -great deal less than five Pound, which I hope will serve -the turn for two hens and a goose, which you say is all -you lost. I (said the fellow) that is all indeed that we -lost yesterday, but I tell you five pound will not pay -for all my Master hath lost within this moneth, and my -Master and I both believe you had them all, or else you -would not so readily have found the way into our -yard; and therefore I say, and so my Master sayes, that -you shall pay for them. Nay friend, (said mine Host) -I pray let me perswade you to be more reasonable in -your demands; reason me no reasons,(said the fellow) -it was unreasonable for them to come and rob my -Master, and therefore I will not be reasonable; I am -sure I shall lose my share of Goose and other Poultry -this <em>Christmas</em>, that I should have had, had not we -been robb’d. Nay but come, (said mine Host) let me -take up this matter: I say you shall not, (reply’d the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_131'>131</span>Fellow) the Justice shall know the matter, and no body -else; but if they be your friends, if you will make -an end, and pay me the money, I’le be rul’d by you. -Whereupon mine Host took the Fellow by the Arm, -and leading him into a drinking room, said, come let -you and I talk a little further of this matter, and in -the mean time, said he to the Guest, go you up to -your Friends and confer with them about it. How, -said the fellow, you mean to lead me out of the way -while they get away from me. No, replyed mine Host, -I’le pass my word for their appearance. Nay, that matters -not much, quoth the fellow; for I have such a -Warrant in my pocket, as will fetch them again in the -Devils name. Having thus said, he and mine Host went -to drink a pot of Ale together, and laugh a while; in -the mean time our Guest went up to his companions to -relate how things were like to go with the fellow, but -he needed not tell them, for they being all concern’d, -had listned at the stairs head to what the Fellow had -said, and therefore knowing in what case they were, -they all agreed to contribute to the fellows satisfaction, -but they thinking five pounds were too much, grumbled -at the demand, but was resolved to give that rather -than fail, and have further trouble. One of the two -confederates seeing how matters went, and though he -was willing to put a trick upon his companions, yet -thought five pounds was too great a sum to get by waggery, -he therefore made a proposal that he would go -down to the fellow and mine Host and treat with them, -and he would warrant to get the business of for a great -deal less: They were soon content with the proposition, -whereupon down he went, and after some -time spent with mine Host and the Country man, -he returned, saying, Come, come Friends, draw -your moneys, for I have ended the Controversie, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_132'>132</span>and I hope to your content; we must be Noble-men, -a Noble a piece, in all Forty shillings is the sum agreed -upon to compound this brabling Business, and herein -we are much engaged to mine Host for his civility, -who hath much perswaded the fellow, and indeed the -fellow by his perswasions is brought to be so civil, that -I have promis’d him Half a Crown for himself. All -the Company were all well contented with this Composition, -and thereupon readily laid down their money, -which one of our Confederates pretended to carry -down to the fellow, but he put it up in his own pocket, -onely giving him the Half Crown he had promised, and -ordering half a dozen of Beer more for managing the -Affair so handsomly. And thus was this Adventure -ended, and in short time the Company separated, but the -two Confederates soon came back again, and shared -stakes of the moneys, and there they laughed at the -easiness and credulity of their Companions, and mine -Host was as merry as they, and had as much cause, for -if the Proverb be true, <em>Let them laugh that win</em>, he -was sure to win most, and therefore might well laugh; -for he made them pay sawcily for the Sawces to their -Goose, and in the confusion they were then in, it was -no hard matter to mis-reckon them several bottles of -Wine, and the two Confederates who onely managed -this Affair to make sport and not for gain, delivered all -their profits, which was 26s. 8d. into mine Hosts -hands to be spent two or three days after, when they -were to bring more company to laugh at this Adventure, -and I remember they then came, and mine Host -knowing they came easily by their moneys, was resolved -to put in for a share of it, and so he did, and had it; -for they had but three Dishes of Fish, but he again -made them pay for their Sawce, reckoning fourteen -shillings for that and dressing it, although the Fish it self -<span class='pageno' id='Page_133'>133</span>did cost but half so much; these were his Tricks.</p> - -<p class='c000'>But there was about that time such a trick plaid by -a mistake, as I have seldom heard of: Several Companies -were in the house and lodged there, and it being -long nights, much of that tedious time was spent in -Gaming, and higgedly piggedly one with another, all -Companies mixt in that pastime; but it growing late, -those that were weary and sleepy dropt away to bed: -Among the rest, one man who had a very handsome -woman to his Wife went to bed, and his Lodging was -in a Chamber where there was another Bed; the man -being in Bed, laid his wearing Clothes, <em>viz.</em>, Doublet, -Breeches and Cloak upon him, and putting out the -candle went to sleep; in short time after, another single -man who was to lodge in the Bed in the same Chamber -went up, and walking about, a conceit came into his -head, that it was probable he might have a Shee-bedfellow, -and in order thereto he thus carried his on Design: -He put off his own Clothes, and laid them very -orderly on the Bed where the man was asleep, first taking -off those of his Chamber-fellows, and when he had -done, he very fairly spread them on the Bed he was to -lye in; having done this, he went to bed and put out -his Candle, expecting the event, which happened to -be so as he hoped and expected; for not long after -up came the woman, intending to go to bed to her -Husband, undrest herself, and seeing and well enough -knowing her Husbands clothes, believing that to be a -sufficient sign of her Husbands being there, not looking -on the face which was purposely hid, she put out -her Candle & went to Bed to the wrong man, who although -he pretended then to be asleep, yet he did her -right before morning; for she still supposing it was her -husband, gave him free liberty to do what he would. Her -bed-fellow, though he had taken much pains and was -<span class='pageno' id='Page_134'>134</span>weary, yet towards morning considering that if this -matter were discovered, he might have sower Sauce -to his sweet Meat, studied and contrived how to come -off as well as he had come on, and therefore turning -to his Bed-fellow and kissing her, &c. as a Farewel, he -pretended to rise and make water, went out of the -Bed; he soon found the way to his Chamber-fellows -Beds side, and there took off his clothes, dress’d himself -and departed. The woman missing her Bed-fellow, -which she thought had been her Husband, much -wondred what was become of him, and lay and studied -in great confusion, she knew not what to do or say, -and she began to distrust that she had a wrong Bedfellow, -especially when she consider’d with herself that -her Husband was not wont to be so kinde: when she -was partly sensible of the mistake, she could not tell -how to think of a remedy; if she should arise and go -into the other Bed, she might chance to be mistaken -again, and therefore in this confusion she knew not -what to do: whilest she was in these thoughts a maid -with a Candle appeared, who passing through the Room -gave her clear sight that her Husband was in the other -Bed, she therefore resolved now to rise, take her Clothes, -and go to Bed to her Husband; but he who had slept -hard all night was now awaked with the noise of the -maid passing through the Chamber, and therefore he -leaps out of the Bed and felt for a Chamber-pot, at the -length he found one, having used it, and going to return -to Bed where he had layen, his wife then took the opportunity -to call to him, saying, Sweet-heart, whither -go you? you mistake your Bed: No sure, said the man, -where are you? Here, she said; he hearing her voice -soon found out where she was, but could not presently -be perswaded that he had layen there all night, you shall -see that by and by, replyed she, when you can see your -<span class='pageno' id='Page_135'>135</span>clothes on this Bed: if it be so, then you are in the right -said he, and that he agreed to soon after day light appeared -and he seeing his clothes on the Bed, was satisfied: -and thus was his business done, and he not knew -it, and the woman in the morning enquiring for the man -who had been her Chamber-fellow, could not finde -him; she was earnest in her inquiry after him, and this -raised some jealousie in me, but I was soon after resolved -of all by the man himself, who came again to our -house and told me. This was a fine Christmas Frolick, -I will adde one more, and so have done with them.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The Fidlers of our Town haveing had good trading -this <em>Christmas</em> were grown proud and surly, and had -abused some Gentlemen, who told mine Host of it; he -who was good at inventing mischief, soon contrived -a way to be revenged of them, and in order thereunto, -the next day a considerable Dinner was bespoke, and -the Fidlers were sent for to attend and play to them, -which they did all Dinner. The Gentlemen having dined, -the Fidlers had the Remains for their Dinner, and -then again they fell a tuning their instruments and -played lustily, whilest the Guests drank of their Cups -as roundly; at length they fell to Dancing, and many -Countrey Dances they had, spending the day in all -manner of <a id='corr135.14'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='Joval'>Jovial</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_135.14'><ins class='correction' title='Joval'>Jovial</ins></a></span> and Sprightly Recreations; the night -being come, and therefore a fit time to put their plot -in execution, they again Danced several Rambling Dances, -and anon they all desired and agreed to Dance the -Cushion-dance, which they did, and in their humours -rambled from one Room to another all over the house, -this musick pacing it afore them, and now one dropt -away, and anon another, till in the end all the Guests -were gone, and none were left but the Fidlers, who still -plaid on expecting their Company. Mine Host seeing -it was now time came into them, and causing them to -<span class='pageno' id='Page_136'>136</span>cease their playing, asked where are the two guests? -they reply’d they knew not: no, said he, if you do -not finde them, you are like to suffer; for if you have -played away my Guests, you shall pay their reckoning: -he was so peremptory in his demands, that it -was to no purpose to contradict it; and the reckoning -amounting to three pounds, he made the five -Fidlers pay ten shillings a man, and told them he -was a looser in abaiting them ten shillings of his -reckoning; they were forced and could not help it, -and therefore paid down their dust, and they who -had not money enough were fain to leave their -Fidles, and go home without, and end <em>Christmas</em> to -the Tune of <em>Lachrymæ</em>.</p> - -<hr class='c007' /> -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c003'>CHAP. XII</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c008'><i>Mris.</i> Dorothy <i>discourses of mine Hosts misfortunes, -As first how he was cheated of a Silver Bowl. Secondly, -of a thirty pound reckoning; and Thirdly, -was carried away Prisoner, and forced to pay Fifty -pound for his Ransom.</i></p> - -<p class='c004'>Thus, continued Mris. <em>Dorothy</em>, was this revenge -managed by mine Host and the Guests who had -the reckoning of thirty pound to pay, came the next -day and paid it, and then appointed to come the next -week and spend the fifty shillings mine Host had gotten -from the Fidlers, which they did accordingly; and -thus said she, did we finish our <em>Christmas</em>: and now I -hope, friends, said she to me and Mris. <em>Mary</em>, that you -will give me leave to finish my discourse; not so long as -you can think of any more of these stories, replyed I, -and so did M. <em>Mary</em>; and thereupon we both joyned -<span class='pageno' id='Page_137'>137</span>in our desires to entreat her to proceed. Well, replyed -she, if I must, then I will alter the Nature and Quality -of my discourse, and as I have told you of mine -Hosts good fortune, and wayes to get money, so I -will acquaint you with some of his misfortunes, and how -he lost money; for Fortune was the same thing to him -as she hath been to me, and I think to all others; we -all have our several turns and changes, sometimes we -are on the top, and anon on the bottom of Fortunes -Wheel; and as that is, so is the World, round and rouling, -and still in motion, and so are our Fortunes various: -I replyed, I had full experience of this truth, and -could freely subscribe to it; but, continued I, good -honest <em>Doll</em>, let us be beholding to you so much as to -prevent your discourse, and relate all the other transactions -that you can remember befel during your stay -in this pleasant place, for by what you have told us, -I must needs term it so. We, said she, since you will -have it so, i’le endeavour to satisfie you, and then -she thus began.</p> - -<p class='c000'>I have already told you of one of my Hosts misfortunes -in the quart pot, and how he was forced to -pay twenty shillings instead of satisfaction which he -expected; it was not long before that, that he had -a more sensible loss, for one morning in comes a -Countryman which calls for a Flaggon of Beer, and -desires a private Room, for, sayes he, I have company -a coming to me, and we have business. The Tapster -accordingly shews him a room, and brings a Flaggon of -Beer, and with it a Silver Cup worth three pound; the -Countryman drank off his beer, and call’d for another -Flaggon, & withal for mine Host to bear him company: -mine Host seeing him alone, sate and talked with him -about state affairs, till they were both weary & mine host -was ready to leave him: well, said the Countryman, I see -<span class='pageno' id='Page_138'>138</span>my Company will not come, and therefore I will not -stay no longer, neither did he; but having drank up -his Beer, he call’d to pay: A groat, quoth the Tapster; -there ’tis, said the Countrey-man, laying it down, and -so he went out of the Room, the Tapster staide behinde -to bring away the Flaggon and Silver Cup, but though -he found the Flaggon, yet the Cup was not to be found, -wherefore he hastily runs out and cries, <em>Stop the man</em>. -The Countrey-man was not in such haste, but that he -quickly stopt of himself; he was not quite out of the -doors, and therefore he soon returned to the Bar, where -when he was come, he said, Well, what is the matter? -what would you have? The Cup, said the Tapster that -I brought to you; I left it in the Room, said the -Country-man: I cannot finde it, said the Tapster: and -at this noise mine Host appeared, who hearing what -was the matter, said, I am sure the Cup was there even -now, for I drank in it; it is there still for me, said the -Countrey-man: Look then further, said mine Host; -the Tapster did so, but neither high nor low could he -finde this Cup; well then, said mine Host to the Countrey-man, -if it be gone you must have it, or know of the -going of it, and therefore you shall pay for it: Not -I, said the Countrey-man, you see I have none of it: -I have not been out of your house, nor no body hath -been with me, how then can I have it? you may search -me. Mine Host caused him to be searched, but there -was no Cup to be found, however mine Host was resolv’d -not to lose his Cup so, and therefore he sends -for a Constable, and charges him with the Countrey-man, -and threatens him with the Justice; all this -would not do, and the Countrey-man told him, <em>That -threatned Folks live long</em>, and if he would go before -a Justice, he was ready to go with him. -Mine Host was more and more perplexed, and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_139'>139</span>seeing he could not have his cup, nor nothing confess’d, -before the Justice they went, when they came -there mine Host made his complaint, and told the story -as truely it was, and the Country-man made the -same answer there, as he had done before to mine Host; -the Justice was perplexed, not knowing how to do -justice, here was a Cup lost, and the Country-man did -not deny but he had it, but gone it was, and although -the Country-man was pursued he did not flie, he had -no body with him, and therefore it could not be conveighed -away by confederacy, and for his own part he -had been, and was again searched, but none found about -him, and he in all respects pleaded innocency: -this, though considered and weighed in the ballance of -justice, he could not think that the Country-man had -it, and therefore to commit him would be injustice; he -considered all he could, and inclined to favour the -Country-man, who was altogether a stranger, and he -believed innocent, especially when he considered what -a kind of Person mine Host his accuser was, of whose -life and conversation he had both known and heard -enough, and cause him to believe that it might be -possible that all this might be a Trick of mine Hosts -to cheat the Country-man, and therefore he gave his -judgement, that he did not believe by the Evidence -that was given, that the Country-man had the Cup, -and that he would not commit him unless mine Host -would lay, and swear point blank Felony to his charge, -and of that he desired mine Host to beware. Mine Host -seeing which way it was like to go, said no more, but -that he left it to Mr. Justice, who being of this opinion -I told you of, discharged the country-man, and advised -mine Host to let him hear no more of these matters, & -if he could not secure his plate, & know what company -he delivered it to, then to keep it up. Mine Host thanked -<span class='pageno' id='Page_140'>140</span>the Justice for his advice, and so departed, the Countrey-man -going about his business, and he returning -home, being heartily vexed at his Loss, and the carriage -of the whole Affair, which was neither for his profit -nor credit; but he was forced to sit down with the Loss, -being heartily vexed to think how he should lose the -Cup: he threw away some money in going to a <em>Cunning-man</em> -to know what was become of it, but all they -could tell him was, that he would hear of it again, and -so he did shortly after; though it was to his further -cost, and to little purpose. He had some occasions at -our Country-Town during the time of the Assizes, and -there seeing the prisoners brought to their Trials, among -others he espyed the Countrey-man whom he -had charged with the Silver Cup, by enquiring <a id='corr140.15'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='what what'>what</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_140.15'><ins class='correction' title='what what'>what</ins></a></span> was his crime? was told it was for picking a Pocket: -Nay then, said mine Host, I may chance to hear of my -Bowl again, and thereupon when the Tryal was over, -and the Prisoners carried back to the Goal, he went -and enquired for the Countrey-man, to whose presence -he was soon brought; Oh Lord, master! said he, how -do you? who thought to have seen you here? nay said -mine Host, who thought to have seen you here? I believe -you have not met with so good friends in this -Countrey as you did at our Town, of our Justice; but -let that pass, come let us drink together, whereupon -a Flaggon of Beer was call’d for, and some Tobacco, -which they very lovingly drank off, and smoak’d together; -which done, said mine Host to the Countrey-man; -I would gladly be resolved in one point which -(I question not) but you can do; I suppose you mean -(said the Countrey-man) about the old business, of the -Silver Cup you lost; yes truly said mine Host, & the -losing of it doth not so much vex me, as the manner -how it was lost; & therefore, continued he if you will do -<span class='pageno' id='Page_141'>141</span>me the kindness, to give me satisfaction what became of -it, I do protest I will acquit you although you are directly -guilty. No, this will not do, replyed the Country-man, -there is somewhat else in the case: well then, -said mine Host, if you will tell me, I will give you ten -shillings to drink. Ready money does very well in a -Prison, said the Country-man, and will prevail much; -but how shall I be assured you will not prosecute me, -if I should chance to be concerned? for that, replyed -mine Host, I can give you no other Warrant but my -Oath, which I will inviolably keep: well then said the -Country-man, down with the merry Griggs, let me -handle the money, and I’le be very true to you; and as -for your charging me with it, I fear you not. Mine host -being big with expectation to know how this cleanly -conveyance was wrought, soon laid down the ten shillings; -and then the Country-man thus proceeded: I -must confess that I know which way your Cup went, -but when you charged me with it I had it not; neither -was it out of the room, and I must tell you this, that if -you had sought narrowly, you might have found it, but -it was not there long after. We who live by our wits -must work by policy more then down right strength, -and this cannot be done without Confederates, and I -had such in the management of this affair, for I left the -Cup fastned with soft wax under the middle of the -board of the Table where I drank, which place of the -Table by reason it was covered with a cloath, as you -may remember it was, it could not well be seen; and -therefore you and your servants missed of it: you -know that very willingly I went with you to the -Justices; and whilst we were gone those Friends and -Confederates of mine whom I had appointed, and -knew the Room and everything else, went into the -house, and into the same Room, where they found the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_142'>142</span>silver Cup, and without the least suspition went fairly -off with it, and at a place appointed we met, and -there acquainted one another with our Adventures, -and what purchases we had made, we equally shared -them between us. Mine Host at the hearing of this -discourse was mightily surprized, although fully satisfied; -but yet, said he, I would be resolved one question, -which is this, how if we had found it where you -had put it whilst you were there? why truly replyed -the cheat (for now I may call him so) then you could -have charged me with nothing, and I would have -put it off with a jest, and if that would not have -done, the most you could have done, had been only to -have kicked and beaten me, and those things we of our -quality must venture: you know the old Proverb, <em>Nothing -venture, nothing have</em>, and <em>Faint heart never -won fair Lady</em>; and we have this other Proverb to encourage -us, that <em>Fortune helps the bold</em>; as it doth commonly -those of our quality, and she did me I thank her -in that attempt. And there did this Varlet descant upon -his Actions, to the great satisfaction of mine Host, -who finding there was no more to be had of him, left -him, and soon after the Town; coming home, and giving -us an account of this adventure; and this was another -of his misfortunes, which was soon after followed -by another worse than the last, and thus it was. -A Company of pretending Gallants one evening arrived -at our house, and there was in their company a -young lad of about ten years of age, on whom they -all waited, giving him respect equal to a Person of Honor, -and their Master; they were soon furnished with -Lodgings, the best in the house, where they bespake a -plentiful supper, which was provided, drest, and sent -to them. Mine Host enquiring what, and who the -young Gentle-man was, whom he supposed was their -<span class='pageno' id='Page_143'>143</span>Master; they told him that he was the Son of a <em>French</em> -Marquess, giving him a name to that purpose, and -that his Father their Lord and Master, would in few -dayes be there; likewise that they being recomended -to this house by a Friend of his, who warranted them -good usage, they were come thither, and there they intended -to stay till their Lord came. Mine Host was -highly pleased with this recital, and he questioned not -the truth of it, because the young Gentleman could -not or would not speak any thing but a little Gibberish -<em>French</em>. These Guests staid there a fortnight eating -and drinking in most plentiful manner; and every -day some or all of them did ride out, leaving only one -person to wait on their Lord, and they came home very -honestly at night. They had now been fourteen -dayes and lain at Wrack and Manger, they and their -Horses; and their Bill amounted to thirty pounds, -which being a round sum of money; he began to try -if he could get any, and to that end spake by the by -to him that was chief person next to the young Lord, -but he was deaf of that ear, and told him that it -would not be above two or three dayes e’re he was -sure their Lord himself would come, and then he should -not only be paid, but also rewarded for the care, and -respects he had shewed to his Son: Mine Host was satisfied -with their reasons, and so went about his business; -and so did this Blade about his; for calling a -consultation of his Brethren, they resolved to be gone -the next day, and give mine Host the go by for his -Reckoning, and therefore they so ordered the matter, -that that night whilst they were at supper, and mine -Host with them; in enters another man, a new face, -and enquired if my young Lord such a one, and his -Attendants were there? yes said the Hostler, who took -his Horse, and then calling the Chamberlain, he was -<span class='pageno' id='Page_144'>144</span>conducted into the Room where the rest of his Acquaintance -were, he being entered the Room, made his -obeysance to his young Master; and then putting his -hand into his Pocket pull’d out a Letter, which he -presented to him; and another who sate next him -took from him, opened, and read, telling mine Host -that the Letter was from their Lord, who promised to -be there with them by the next day at noon; glad did -they seem to be, and so was mine Host, who thought -now he was near the receiving of his money: the company -then told him that he must provide a plentiful -dinner, and that they would all ride forth in the morning -to meet their old Master, only they would leave -their young Master behind to his care; to this mine -Host was content, and the next morning they arose -early, mounted their horses, and away they went, -leaving their Lord in Bed. Mine Host provided dinner -according to the directions, and noon came, but no -Lord, or Attendants; at length dinner was forced to -be taken up, or spoiled, and then the young Lord was -enquired for, who was still in Bed, and could not rise, -for they had taken his fine Clothes with them: in fine, -upon search, an old Country Suit was found, which -now our young Lord owned to be his, and could speak -<em>English</em>, saying, they were gone and carried away his -fine cloaths. Mine Host hearing he could speak <em>English</em>, -asked him several questions, which the Boy answered -readily enough, and by that he understood that they -took him up in those Clothes, and other rare matters -if he would go with them, be ruled by them, and learn -a few heard words; and so in conclusion mine Host -found to his cost, that they were a company of cheats, -who came to do that to him, he had done to others, -and though his loss was great, yet he was forced to sit -down contented; as for the Boy he being absolutely -<span class='pageno' id='Page_145'>145</span>innocent, he was only turned out of the doors to seek -his fortune. Thus, said Mistress <em>Dorothy</em> you see he had -his bitter with the sweet, and to his sweet meat he had -sower sawce; and although his loss was considerable -enough, yet soon after he had another of worser consequence, -and thus it was:</p> - -<p class='c000'>You must note, that it was now in the time of rebellion, -and there was a small garrison of Souldiers -quartered in our Town of the Round-heads Party, -and about ten miles off there was another Garrison of -Cavaliers. Now one day there came to our Town -two Gentlemen very well mounted and armed, and -they had a Pass from a round-headed Collonel our -Neighbour, and coming to our Town, and enquiring -for the best Inn, they were directed to our house, where -they took up their Quarters; they pretended themselves -to be Persons of Quality, and therefore spent -pretty handsomely at the first, but in their stay there, -which was about eight dayes, they had run five pounds -on the score; mine Host desiring his money, they told -him suddenly he should have it, moneys were coming -to them, but if he had not the patience to stay until -their money came, then (he knew) that they had two -good Horses in his Stable, and he should in lieu of his -money have which he pleased, at such a rate as any indifferent -person should adjudg the best of them to be -worth: mine Host seeing them answer him so fair, was -as kind as they, and told them that he did believe them -to be Gentlemen of quality, and that he scorned to undervalue -them so much as to dismount them, and as -they came on Horse-back to depart on foot, but -that he had rather wait a while longer for the -Money, which they said they staid for: they -kindly thanked him for his courtesie, and promised -him to requite it; and thereupon all Persons rested -<span class='pageno' id='Page_146'>146</span>well satisfied, but no money coming at the time they -said they expected, he again asked them for moneys; -and indeed it was their desire that he should do so, or -else the design they had in hand, and intended to carry -on, could not be well executed; and therefore that -they might bring their project to execution, they again -offered him one of their horses; he had a great -mind to one of them, having a Customer ready that -would give him a very good price, told them that since -they were so willing he was so too, and that they might -possibly have their Horse again when their money -came: it is all as one for that, replyed the Gentlemen, -we had rather go without horses than you should be -dissatisfied, and therefore choose which of the two you -will have: they being both, said he good, I care not -which of them, and to that end if you please to morrow -we will all three ride out of the Town a mile or -so, and then you may conclude which you like best, and -as for the price we will well enough agree upon that; -to this mine host consented, and the next day they all -three mounted their horses, and away they rode, but -to the great sorrow of us all, for these Gentlemen who -had lain thus long in our house were Caveliers, and belonged -to the adjoyning Garrison, and when they had -drawn mine host with them as far as they could willingly -perswade him, and that he offered to return, -they then drew, and with Sword in one hand, and Pistol -in the other, they came up to him and commanded -him to stand, for he was their Prisoner, he asked them -for what? and would have disputed the case with them -but it was to no purpose; they were deaf to all perswations, -and he living in a Round-headed Garrison -they concluded him to be one, and therefore he was -their lawful Prisonor, and as one they would guard him -to their quarters; so they said, and so they did, and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_147'>147</span>taking his Sword from him, they caused him to ride -on apace, till they brought him to their Quarters; -before their Commander they conducted him, who adjudged -him to be a Prisoner, and the next day resolved -on his Ransome, which he valued at a hundred -pounds: the one half he ordered the Gentlemen should -have, and the other to be devided among the indigent -Souldiers? this was his doom: and now my poor -Host was delivered into Custody; he writ away to his -Wife to acquaint her with this doleful News, she -could not raise so much Money, and therefore he was -like to continue; but in the end, by the assistance of -some Gentlemen who were Guests to the house and -Caveliers, she got one half of the Ransome to be abated, -and so the fifty pounds being sent, he was delivered -up, and came home to chear his Wife and Family.</p> - -<div class='figcenter id006'> -<img src='images/i_147fp.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' /> -</div> - -<hr class='c007' /> - -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c003'>CHAP. XIII.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c008'><i>At the execution of a Felon several Cheaters meet, and -seeing a Countrey-man draw a Purse of money resolve -to cheat him of it, which they do first by a brass -Chain, and afterwards by drawing him in to bet at -Gameing. They were again cheated by mine Host, -and the principal Cheat comically punished.</i></p> - -<p class='c004'>Mistress <em>Dorothy</em> here putting a stop to her discourse, -we thereby understood she had finished, -wherefore I thus discoursed her: truly now I find that -to be true of your Host, which I have experimented in -myself, and that we must meet with many rubs & misfortunes, -but these were but trivial to him considering -his great comings in, by his extraordinary gain in trading: -that’s true replyed M. <em>Dorothy</em>, but as he had considerable -<span class='pageno' id='Page_148'>148</span>gain, so he had many wayes to spend it, and -many spenders, his Wife and Children being all as expensive -as might be, and what was got over the Devils -Back, was spent under the Devils belly: and therefore -though much money went through his hands in a -year, yet it went through, and little stuck there or staid -with him, so that he was seldome Master of any considerable -sum of money; and therefore it went hard to -raise this sum of money, and some of his Plate was -fain to march off to produce it; but that being paid -and he come home, we were all well enough satisfied, -and he told his wife this was most certainly the fortune -of War, but he questioned not but in short time he -would fetch it up again; as indeed he did in using those -several ways I have told you of; and now I hope (said -she) I have told you enough to satisfie your curiosity; -truly, replyed I, you have taken a great deal of pains, -but if you have any more in your budget out with -them, for what you have hitherto related hath not only -been pleasant but profitable, and very full of variety. -Well, (replyed she) since you will have it so, I will -proceed a little further, and recount some passages as -considerable as any you have hitherto heard. There -was (continued she) not long before this time a bloody -murder committed, for an honest Country-man that -lived about six miles from us, one market day was driving -his Team of Horses and Cart loaden with Corn -to our Town to sell, and being come about half way, -he was met by a lusty tatterdemallion rascal that was -on foot, travelling on the Road, he first asked the Countrey-man -to give him something, telling him he was -a poor Traveller and had been robb’d: quoth the -Countrey-man, friend, I have nothing to give you, -for I have no money, being now going to Market -with this Corn to make money of it; the fellow -<span class='pageno' id='Page_149'>149</span>seemed to rest contented with this answer, and thereupon -walked on with the Countrey-man; but they -had not gone far but the Devil entring into this fellow, -perswaded him, here he might have a great prize, and -therefore still walked on, he at length seeing the Road -clear of Passengers, and a convenient place for him to -put his purpose in practice, with a lusty Cudgel he had -in his hand, he struck the poor Countrey-man over the -Head, that down he fell a sprawling, and not content -therewith, drew him a little out of the road, and in -most cruel manner cut his throat; having this done, -he seizes on the fore-horse of the Team, and leads him -also with the Team and Cart out of the road to a convenient -place, where he stops, and then drawing the -body of the murthered Countrey-man to a Ditch-side, -he there made a hole, and having strip’d him of all his -clothes, buried him, and stripping himself of those -Rags he had on, he putting on the Countrey-mans -cloathes, buried his own with the Countrey-mans body; -and having thus done, he lead the Team into the -Road again; this was done one winters morning early -before day; and so he had the conveniency to do all -this without interruption, and now with Whip in -hand, and habited like a Country-man, he drives on to -our town to Market; he took up his standing at the -usual place, and had the good fortune not to be questioned -of any body, but enquiring how the rates of corn -went, he accordingly sold his at a good price as any: -and he not only made money of his Corn, but hearing -there was a horse Fair that day at a Town but three -miles off, and having dispatch’t betimes he drove thither -and soon had a Customer for both Horses and Cart, -and there he bought him a saddle horse to ride on, being -thus fitted to his purpose, he was not long e’re he met -with a company of Shirks and Cheats, who intending -<span class='pageno' id='Page_150'>150</span>to chouse him, he was too crafty for them, and enters -himself into their society, and by degrees became a -Knight of the <em>Pad</em>, an obsolute High-way-man, but -the Devil who had set him to work, was not long e’re -he paid him his Wages, for he was pursued for a Robbery -he had committed, and so narrowly followed that -he was forced to take the water, to cross a River, he -leap’d in on Horseback, but the Horse was soon drowned, -and he narrowly escap’d to a little Island in the River, -where he was still in sight of his pursuers, they getting -a Boat came up to him, he being armed attempted -to discharge a Pistol, but by reason the powder was -wet, it would not off whereupon they coming nearer -to him he drew his Sword, and though there were three -in the Boat he kept them from landing, and being resolved -to sell his life at a dear Rate, he kill’d one of -them out-right, and wounded another, but now -another Boat with more help coming he was in danger -to be lost, wherefore putting his Sword in his mouth -he again took the water, and swam away, and they after -him, but length seeing it was in vain to resist he suffered -himself to be taken, and bound, led away to the -Justice, and thence to Prison, where he believing he -must dye, grew some what penitent, and not onely confess’d -the Fact he was then accused for, but among other -mischiefs he likewise acknowledged the Murther, -and Robbery I have told you off; and the Assizes being -come, and he tryed, and confessing, he was condemned -to be hang’d in Chains at the place where he -committed the murther; this being not above a mile -from our Town, at the day of Execution it drew most -of the people out of it to see the end of this wicked -wretch, who did somwhat <a id='corr150.33'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='penitenrly'>penitently</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_150.33'><ins class='correction' title='penitenrly'>penitently</ins></a></span>, but his Penitence -and Repentance did not work one jot upon others of -his quality, who were there present; but as commonly -<span class='pageno' id='Page_151'>151</span>one Wedding-feast begets another Wedding, so -one Execution does usually produce another; and they -who are Spectators at one Execution, in short time -come to be executed themselves: whether there were -any persons at this execution that did soon after take -his turn, I know not, but I am sure there were present -many Cheats, and Pick-pockets, and such sort of people, -for our Town was that day pretty well throng’d -with them. Among other practises that was used, this -was one.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Two or three Cheaters going together saw a Country-man -who had a Purse of money in his hand, they -had observed him to draw it to pay for some Gingerbread -he bought on the way; wherefore they closed -with him, and endeavoured to nip his Bung, pick his -Pocket, but could not, for he knowing he was in a -dangerous place, and among as dangerous Company, -put his Purse of money into his Breeches, which being -close at the knees, secured it from falling out, and besides -he was very sly in having any body come too near -him. Our Practitioners in the Art of Thievery, seeing -this would not do, set their wits a working further; and -having all their tools about them in readiness, taking -a convenient time and place, one of them goes before and -drops a Letter, another of his Companions who had -joyned himself to our Countrey-man, seeing it ly fairly -for the purpose, sayes to him, Look you what is here! -but although the Countrey-man did stoop to take up -the Letter, yet the Cheat was too nimble for him in that, -and having it in his hand, said, Here is somewhat else -besides a Letter, I cry half, said the Country-man: well, -said the Cheat, indeed you stoop’d as well as I, but I -have it; however I’le be fair with you; but let us see -what it is, & whether it is worth the dividing; & thereupon -he breaks open the letter, & there sees a fair chain -<span class='pageno' id='Page_152'>152</span>or neck-lace of Gold: Good Fortune (sayes the -Cheater) if this be right Gold: how shall we know -that, said the Countrey man? let us see what the -Letter says, which being short and to the purpose -spake thus:</p> - -<p class='c000'><i>Brother</i> John, <i>I have here sent you back this necklace -of gold you sent me; not for any dislike I have to it, -but my Wife is covetous and would have a biggar, this -comes not to above seven pounds, and she would have one -of ten pounds; therefore I pray get it changed for one of -that <a id='corr152.11'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='priee'>price</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_152.11'><ins class='correction' title='priee'>price</ins></a></span>, and send it by this bearer to your loving Brother</i>, -N.B.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Nay, then we have good luck (said the Cheater) -but I hope, said he to the Countrey-man, you will not -expect a full share, for you know I found it, and besides, -if we should divide it, I know not how to break -it in pieces, but I doubt it would spoil it, therefore I -had rather have my share in money. Well, said the -Countrey-man, I’le give you your share in money, -provided I may have a full share; that you shall, said -the Cheater, and therefore I must have of you three -pounds ten shillings, the price in all being as you see, -seven pounds. I, but said the Countreyman (thinking -to be too cunning for the Cheat) it may be worth -seven pounds in money in all, fashion and all, but we -must not value that, but only the Gold, therefore I -think three pounds in money is better than half the -Chain, and so much I’le give you if you will let me -have it: well content said the Cheat, but then you shall -give me a pint of wine over and above; to this the -Countrey-man also agreed, and to our town they came, -and into our house, and there the Cheat had the three -pounds, and the Countrey-man the Chain, who believed -he had that day risen with his A--- upwards, because -he had met with so good fortune. They drank off -<span class='pageno' id='Page_153'>153</span>their drink, and were going away, but the Cheat not -having yet done with him (intended to get the rest of -the money from him) offered him his pint of Wine, -which the Countrey-man accepted of; but before they -had drank it off, in comes another of the same Tribe, -who asked whether such a man, naming one, were -there? no, (said the Bar-keeper,) our Cheater and -Countrey-man sitting near the Cheat, asked of the -enquirer, did you not ask for such a man? Yes, said the -enquirer, why said our Cheater, I can tell you this -news of him that it will not be long e’re he comes -hither, for I met him as I came in; and he appointed me -to come in here and stay for him: well, then I were -best to stay, said the Enquirer: but (continued he) -we were best to take a bigger Room, for we cannot stir -our selves in this; agreed, said the Cheater, so the -reckoning was paid, and they agreed to take a larger -Room, leaving word at the Bar that if any enquiry were -made for them, there they should find them; they -went into another Room, and our Countrey-man having -done his business would be going; no, said the -Cheater, I pray stay and keep us company, it shall not -cost you nothing; well, then said the Countrey-man, I -am content to stay a little: they being now entred into -their Room, call’d for a quart of Wine, and drank it -off, what shall we do to spend time, said the last Cheater? -for I am weary of staying for this man, are you -sure you are not mistaken? no, said the other: one of -them then pretends to walk a turn in the Room, and -coming to the window behind a Cushion he pretends -to finde a pair of Cards (which indeed he himself had -laid there) look you here, said he to the Countrey-man -and th’other, I have found some tools, now we -may go to work, and spend our time, if you will play; -not I, said the Country-man, I’le never play; then -<span class='pageno' id='Page_154'>154</span>I will, said the other Cheat, but not for money: why -then, said the other, for six pence, to be spent, and -the Game Putt; they being agreed, and my Countrey-man -being made Overseer of the Game, fell to playing, -and the Countrey-mans first Acquaintance had the -better of it, winning twelve Games to the others four: -come, said he, what shall we do with all this drink? we -will play two pence wet and four pence dry; to this -the other agreed, and so they play’d, and at this low -gaming the first Cheat had in short time won of the second -ten shillings in money; the second seemed to be -angry, and therefore proposed to play for all money, -hoping to making himself whole again; nay, said the -other, I shall not refuse your proposition, because I have -won your money; and therefore to it they went, and -the first Cheater had still the same luck, and won ten -shillings more; then the other would play for twelve -pence a Game, no, said the first Cheater, I am not willing -to exceed six pence a Game, I will not alter what -I have begun, lest I change luck, unless this honest -Countrey-man will go my halves; I have no mind to -Gaming, reply’d the country-man; you need not play -said the other, I’le do that, and you see my luck is good, -venture a Crown with me, you know both our lucke -have been, and I hope will continue good; well, content, -said the Countrey-man, and so they proceeded, -still our first Cheat had good fortune, and he, and the -Countrey-man won ten shillings a piece more of the -other, which made them merry; and the other was -mad; he therefore told them he would win the Horse, -or lose the Saddle, and venture all now; and drawing -out about thirty shillings; said, come take it all, win it -and wear it; and so they played; but they had now -drawn the Countrey-man in sufficiently, and he was -flush; but it lasted not long thus, e’re he was taken -<span class='pageno' id='Page_155'>155</span>down a button-hole lower, for the fortune changed, -and all that he had won was lost, and forty shillings -more: He was now angry, but to no purpose, for he -did not discover their foul play, and he in hopes of his -good fortune ventured, and lost the other forty shillings; -and then he said he would go halfes no longer, -for he thought he would be merry and wise, and if he -could not make a winning, he would be sure to make -a saving Bargain, which he reckoned he should do, -because although he had lost four pounds in money, & -given the Cheat three pounds for his share of the Chain, -that yet he should make seven pounds of the Chain, -and so be no Loser: they seeing he would not play, left -off, and he that had won the money was content to -give a Collation, which was called for, but our first -Cheat pretending much anger at his Loss, was resolved -to venture more; and to playing again he went, and in -short time he recovered much of his losses; this angred -the Countrey-man that he had not joyned with him, -and in the end, seeing his good luck continued, and that -he won, he again went halfs, but then it was not long -that they thrived, but the Countrey-man was forced -to draw his Purse, and in the end lose all his money, -which was near twenty pounds: He did not think his -condition to be so bad as it was, because he believed he -had a Chain worth seven pounds in his Pocket, and -therefore he reckoned he had not lost all. By this time -several of the rest of the Gang (having been abroad, -employed on the same account, Couzening and Cheating -of others) now flocked all to our House, being the -place appointed for their Rendezvouz, there they -acquainted one another of their several Gains and -Prizes; and then they fell a drinking, they drank -about lustily for joy, and the Countrey-man for -anger; and mine Host was called up to make one in -<span class='pageno' id='Page_156'>156</span>the Company; he soon understood what kind of -Guests he had, and how they had cheated the poor -Country-man; and therefore he was resolved to serve -them in the same kind; he therefore put forward the -Affairs of drinking, and some being hungry call’d for -Victuals; he told them he would get them what they -pleas’d; and they being determined to take up their -Quarters there, for that night, a Supper was bespoke -for all the Company, such as mine Host in his discretion -should think fit, he told them they should have it, and -accordingly went down to provide Supper, he soon returnes -and helps them to drink whilst Supper was dressing; -by this time they were all perfectly drunk, he -then commands up supper, and they fall too with a -Shoulder of Mutton and two Capons, eat and drink -hard, and call for more, he tells them it is coming, but -they now having sate still a while were all fallen asleep, -he makes use of this opportunity, and brings up half -a dozen empty foul Dishes, or at leastwise full of bones -of several fowls; as Pidgeons, Partridges, Phesants, and -all the Remains of Victuals that had been left in the -house that day; and strews and places some on their -several Trenchers, and thus he leaves them. Some -of them sleeping, and sitting uneasily fell from their -Chairs, and so awaked themselves; and their companions -being throughly awaked, they again fell to eating -and drinking; some turning over the bones that were -brought, said, How came these here, I do not remember -that I eat any such Victuals? Nor I, said another, -whereupon mine Host was call’d, and the question was -asked him: why surely, Gentlemen, you forget your -selves, said he, you have slept fair; I believe you will -forget the Coller of Brawn you had too, that cost me -six shillings out of my Pocket; how! Brawn! said -one, I, Brawn said mine Host, you had it, and are -<span class='pageno' id='Page_157'>157</span>like to pay for it; you’l remember nothing anon, this -is a fine drunken bout indeed; so it is, said one of the -Company; sure we have been in a Dream; but it matters -not, mine Host, you must and shall be paid: Give -us the other dozen bottles, and bring a Bill, that we -may pay our Reckoning. This Order was presently -obey’d, and a Bill brought, which in all came to seven -pounds; and I verily believe he misreckoned them for -meat and drink, the one half, and told them he used -them very kindly; they were bound to believe him, -and therefore every man was call’d to pay their shares; -my Countrey-man shrunk behind, intending to escape, -which one of the Company seeing, call’d him forwards, -and said Come, We must tell Noses, and every man -pay alike; the Countrey-man desired to be excus’d; -and said he had no money; which they knowing well -enough, at length agreed to acquit him. This done, -they went to their several Lodgings to bed, and it was -time, for it was past midnight, they all slept better than -the Country-man, who could hardly sleep a wink for -thinking of his Misfortunes, and having such good luck -in the morning, it should prove so bad e’re night; But -morning being come, he and they all arose, and the -Countrey-mans money being all spent, he knew it -was to no purpose for him to stay there; wherefore he -resolved to go to the Goldsmith’s in the Town, and -sell, or pawn his Chain, that he might have some money -to carry him home: Being come to the Goldsmith’s he -produced the Chain, which although at the first sight -he thought to be gold, yet upon trial he found it -otherwise, and that it was but brass guilt; he -tells the Countrey-man the same, who at this -heavy News was like to break his heart: The -Goldsmith seeing the Countrey-man in such a -<span class='pageno' id='Page_158'>158</span>melancholy dump, enquires of him how he came by -it? he soon acquainted him with the manner, and every -circumstance: the Goldsmith as soon understood -the Cheat, and advises him to go to the Justice, and get -a Warrant for him that had thus cheated him: and -the Countrey-man telling him that he had no money, -nor friend, being a stranger; he himself went with -him to the Justice, who soon understanding the matter, -granted his Warrant; and the Goldsmith procured -a Constable to go with him to our house, where -the first Cheater was apprehended, and carried before -the Justice; who upon examination explain’d -the Case, and finding the fellow guilty, ordered -that he should be led to the whipping post, and there -be whipped, and then be sent on a horse back, with -his face towards the horsetail, and so led out of -the Town; and withal, the Justice sent away -the Constable to our house, to apprehend and -bring the rest of the gang before him; but he -came too late, for the Birds were flown, doubting -some such matter; so that only the first -Cheater suffered the punishment aforesaid; but I -remember he was so impudent that when he came -by our house on horseback, with his face to the horse -tail, Ah, ha! said one, what is the meaning of this? -nothing, said the Cheater, but that this horse is given -me, and I am resolved to ride this way to make -good the Proverb, <em>that I may not look a gift horse -in the mouth</em>.</p> - -<hr class='c007' /> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_159'>159</span> - <h2 class='c003'>CHAP. XIV.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c008'><i>Two Shoemakers are cheated of a pair of Boots, and -mine Host gets another pair of them. Mine Host -and one of the Shoemakers find out the Cheater, -who is apprehended, and sent to Prison but is released -by the Judge for an enterprize of his Companions, -who acted wonderful Feats by slight of -hand.</i></p> - -<p class='c004'>Thus was every one a gainer but the poor Countrey-man, -who was forc’d to march home by -weeping Cross, only with a brass chain worth eighteen -pence, instead of above twenty pounds which -he had brought out with him. Mine Host gained indifferently -well, but the Cheaters more, being fully -fraighted; but as they got it easily, so they spent it -merrily; and then went to work for more, though -they devided the spoil equally between them, yet -none had the punishment but the Chain-Merchant, -and I believe he had as many lashes on the back -as there was links on the chain; he took his punishment -very patiently, only when the blow came he -would shrink up his shoulders, which a stander by -seeing, told him that did him more harm than good; -it is no matter for that, friend, said the cheater, you -may spare your instructions, for I shall not follow -them, and now I am to be whip’d I will do as I List, -and when you come to the same sport, and it is your -turn to be whip’d, you may behave your self then as -you please, thus was he pleasantly roguish when he -was in the midst of his punishment, and when he was -<span class='pageno' id='Page_160'>160</span>on horse-back he answered the People as roguishly as -I told you; but being come to the Towns end he was -dismounted, and sent packing. Thus were we rid of -one Crew of Cheats, but truly, if all the Cheats of the -Town had been so served as this was, mine Host must -also have march’d off, who had he had his due, did -as justly deserve it; but it is the little sort of Knaves -and Rogues that are punished, the greater scaping -Scot-free, as now mine Host did. After this Trick -we had another that was altogether as pleasant, and -before the finishing of it, there were some pleasant -passages, and thus it was.</p> - -<p class='c000'>A Gentleman-Cheater comes to our house, and -stays there a day; walks about the Town to finde some -purchase, but lost his labor, he seeing there was no -money to be had, was resolved to play at small Game -rather than stand out; and somewhat therefore he -would do if it were but to bear his charges; he -had observed that there were but two Shoemakers -in the Town, one at the one end, and the other at -the other end: he saw they were well furnished with -boots and he wanted a pair, he therefore coming -home to his quarters, sent our Boy to one of the -Shoemakers to desire him to come to our house, to -bring a pair of boots to a Gentleman; the Sho-maker -in hopes of a good Customer returns with the Boy, -and brings two or three pair, our Gentleman trys -them on, and at last is pleas’d with one pair, only -one of them was too little in the instep, for that -said the Shoemaker, it is a small fault, and I can -remedy it in an hours time, by putting it on the -Last; our Gentleman intending that so he should, -asked, what price? eighteen shillings was demanded, -but fifteen was the price agreed upon; well, said -the Gentleman, carry back the boot that is so defective, -and put it on the Last, let it stay on it two -<span class='pageno' id='Page_161'>161</span>hours at least, and then come and bring it, and take -your money; very good, said the Shoemaker, and so -taking up the remainder of the Boots he departed, not -distrusting any thing, and not thinking any man who -had two legs could much advantage himself with one -single Boot. Our Gentleman being now Master of one -Boot, was resolved to have another, and therefore -he again calls the Boy, and desires him to go to the other -Shoemaker, and wish him to come and bring a pair -of Boots: for, said he, the other Shoemaker you -brought could not fit me; the boy believed him, not -thinking of the transaction, it being done privately in -his Chamber: The boy went, and brings the other -Shoemaker with him, who likewise brought two or -three pairs of Boots; our Gentleman likewise tries -them, and chusing that pair that was likest to the other -he had, he likewise agreed with the Shoemaker upon -price, but made the same exceptions with this last, -as he had done with the former, advising him to put the -Boot on the Last, for one hour and a half, and at that -time to come exactly and receive his money; away -went the Shoemaker with the rest of his Boots, leaving -the odd one behind, and no sooner was he gone but -he draws on his new Boots, and calling for a Reckoning, -paid it, and his horse being bridled and sadled he -mounted, and away he rode. At the time appointed -both the Shoemakers came, so justly together that they -met at the Gate with each of them a Boot under his -Arm; they both asked for our Gentleman, but hearing -he was fled and gone, they both look’d blank upon -the matter; mine Host was present, and understanding -the story laughed heartily at it; they knew not whether -they should be angry or pleas’d, but being both -Brothers of a Trade and both served alike, they resolved -to laugh too, though it were but with -<span class='pageno' id='Page_162'>162</span>one side of their mouths, and so they sate them down -and drank together; one Pot drew down an other, and -being of the Gentle Craft they were both good fellows, -and at length a Bottle of wine they call’d for; -mine Host seeing them in a merry vain, said, Gentlemen, -I’le make a proposition to you, faith since the Gent. -hath made a pair of two odd boots do you so too and -let these as the other two go together, and therefore -fillip up Cross or Pile who shall have both; I but said -one, I am not willing to hazard my Boot for nothing, -therefore thus I propose it; let us have the other Bottle -of Wine, and then let us fillip Cross or Pile -and take our chance, and he that hath the fortune to -have both the Boots shall pay the Reckoning; agreed, -said the other, and so they proceeded; and he whose -chance it was to have both the Boots, did not only agree -to pay the Reckoning, but also called for another -Bottle of Wine. Mine Host still kept them company, -and helped them to laugh at the Frolick, and now they -were gotten into so merry a Vein, they resolv’d to club -for the other Bottle, which they likewise in short -time drank off. Mine Host having a Design upon them -for the Boots, seeing them merry, said thus, Gentlemen, -I made one proposition to you, even now and you -agreed upon it; I have another to make, which I question -not but you will assent to, but in the first place, I -pray tell me the just price of the Boots; truly, replyed -the Master of them, I was to have fifteen shillings of -the Gentleman for them, but they are really worth -fourteen shillings, well then, replyed mine Host, my -Reckoning comes to six shillings; now if you please -I’le venture my Reckoning, which is near half of what -your Boots are worth against them, and fillip up -Cross or Pile whether I shall have the Boots for -my Reckoning or nothing; we’l make no dry -<span class='pageno' id='Page_163'>163</span>bargain said the third person, we’l have some Wine -to boot, or no Boots shall be ventured; well, said -mine Host, then I will add another bottle of Wine -to the Reckoning; and thus all Parties being agreed, -Cross and Pile being fillip’d up, mine Host had his -Chance, and the Boots; and thus he gained what the other -lost, and neither of the Shoemakers could laugh -at one another for their loss was equal; and thus was -this pair of liquor’d Boots converted into liquor, and -that drank up, and this was the end of the adventure -of the Boots for the present, but it was not quite finished, -for mine Host who again had some business at the -Assizes, went to the Country Town where it was -kept, and there he met with one of the Shoemakers his -Neighbour; he had then the same Boots on that he -had in a manner gain’d by chance; and therefore remembring -the Jest, they went in to drink at the next -Two-pot house; there they were jesting and laughing -at the passage of the Boots, when on a sudden mine -Host looking out of the Window call’d to the Shoemaker, -look you here quickly, and I think I can shew -you your Boot-Merchant; the Shoemaker look’d out -and saw him, for it was he indeed, with the very Boots -on his Leggs; he was walking by, in company of others, -who by their Garbs and Mien did seem to be -persons of Quality: The Shoemaker would have run -out presently and seized on him, but mine Host would -not permit it, only advising him to follow him, and see -him hous’d; The Shoemaker followed mine Host’s directions, -and saw his Quarters, and upon enquiry found -that he was to continue there for some time; wherefore -he returned to mine Host, and acquainted him -of his intelligence; they thereupon advised together -what most convenient to be done, and concluded that -mine Host should go into his company, and acquaint -<span class='pageno' id='Page_164'>164</span>him that the Shoemaker expected satisfaction for his -Boots, and it may be he is a Gentleman of Quality, -and only did it in a Frollick, and will now pay well -enough for it; but, said mine Host, if I finde him to be -otherwise, we can soon have a Warrant to apprehend -him, and have him punished; this was reckoned to be -sober, and the best advice, and accordingly it was managed; -for that evening mine Host seeing him walking -alone in the Inn Yard, went and spake to him, telling -him if he were not mistaken he thought he knew him; -our Gentleman surveying of mine Host, reply’d, certainly -no, but however if he would go into a Room, he -would gladly drink with him; to this mine Host consented, -they being come into a Room, drank and -smoak’d together; mine Host again asking him if he -were not long since at our Town? yes, said the Gentleman, -and I pray you, where did you lodge? at such -an Inn, reply’d the Gentleman, and naming ours; why -then, reply’d mine Host, I am not mistaken, and if you -please to call to mind you may remember me to be the -Master of the House; Oh! I cry you mercy, reply’d -the Gentleman, now I know you, I did partly remember -you, but could not call to mind where I had seen -you; but I pray what affair has brought you hither? -no great matter, reply’d mine Host, only a little curiosity; -that’s well, said the Gentleman: but, said mine -Host, methinks your Boots and mine look as if they -were somewhat of kin together, I pray where did you -buy them? Why? that may well be, reply’d our -Gentleman, for I bought them in your Town; but Sir, -I pray (be not angry) said mine Host, did you ever -pay for them? Why do you ask? said the Gentleman, -because, said mine Host, if you did, then you are -slandered and abused, and what if I did not pay -for them? said the Gentleman; why then, said -<span class='pageno' id='Page_165'>165</span>mine Host, you are best to do it, for the men of whom -you had them are both my Neighbours; well, well, -said the Gentleman, no more of this, for I paid for them -as much as I will do: mine Host seeing him so absolute, -said no more to him of that matter, but drank off their -drink, and club’d for their Reckoning, which being paid -he again at parting said thus; Sir, it will be for your -Credit to pay for the Boots, I know all the story, and -if you will not pay now, one time or other you will -be forc’d to it to your Cost, and Trouble; do not you -trouble your head with that, replied the Gentleman, -let it alone till that day comes; take your own course -said mine Host; and you yours, said the Gentleman, -and so they parted. Mine Host having had this huffing -answer, made further enquiry what this person -was, and found that he was no better than a Cheat, -and one that came thither for no other purpose, he -therefore tells his neighbour the Shoemaker of all passages, -and advises him to get a Warrant to apprehend -him, and carry him before the Judge; He who was -forward enough before, now went directly and made -his Complaint to the Judge that evening, telling him -all the Circumstance of the matter; the Judge asked -him if he had enquired what quality he was of? he answered, -yes, he was suspected to be no better than a -Pick-pocket, or Cut-purse: well then replied the -Judge, bring him hither to morrow morning before I -go to the Court; our Shoemaker did not fail in a tittle, -but the next morning seized on him in his Chamber, -and carried him immediately before the Judge; when -they came there, the Shoemaker made his Complaint, -and mine Host was there present, not only to justifie -it, but to produce the very fellows, which indeed were -easily enough to be known to be so, and so they managed -their evidence that the Gentleman-Cheat had -<span class='pageno' id='Page_166'>166</span>little or nothing to say for himself, and therefore he -was committed to Prison. It happened at this time that -the Judge had a Kinsman with him who was somewhat -wilde, and only rid about the progress with him -to see fashions, and he had one scurvy humor, which -was this; he had a good Estate, and was full of mony; -and therefore in a prodigal vapouring way, he would -carry a Purse with near a hundred pieces of Gold in it, -in his pocket, and this he would always carry about -with him, and upon all occasions, though never so trivial -he would be drawing his Purse, and shewing his Gold, -this was his Custom; and the Judge his Unkle knowing -it, had oft times chid him for it, telling him that -one time or other he would have his Pocket pick’d and -lose it; he would not take any warning, but still replied -he would warrant none could pick his pocket, -so that his Unkle the Judge did wish many times that -he might lose it; and so be broken of that foolish vainglorious -humor. Our Cheat being now in Prison, his -Companions, who were all Workmen in the same -Trade, were very much troubled at his loss, because he -would have done them much service, and to be so taken -up for so trivial a matter as a pair of Boots much vexed -them, and they knew there was no recovering him -without the Judges favour; they therefore resolved -to put themselves in the best Equipage they could, and -go to him, accordingly that night they went, and told -him they were humble Petitioners to his Honour, for -a poor friend of theirs whom his Honour had commited -about a pair of Boots, and they hoped his Honour -would release him; because they very well knew -he was wrongfully accused, being a Gentleman -by birth, and of a very good House, <em>&c.</em> To -this the Judge gave ear, and told them that he -very well understood the quality of their friend; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_167'>167</span>and theirs also, but, said he, for once I shall pass by -this business upon one Condition; to this they reply’d, -any Condition he pleased; he then being resolved -what to do, commanded all his Servants and -Attendants out of the Room; and told them he well -understood their qualities, and had occasion to make -use of them in an Affair, telling them that he had such -a one his Kinsman, who carried a Purse of money in -his Pocket, now, said he, I would have some of you to -follow him, and get it from him, and bring it to me -untouch’d, and then I promise not only to pardon -you, but also to deliver your friend to you: They -hearing the Judges Proposition, star’d one upon another, -not knowing what answer to give, wherefore -he again told them that this he expected from -them, or else their friend should suffer, they thought -fit to answer him with silence, and so departed; when -they were gone, they consulted together what -was to be done, and believing there would be no -great difficulty nor harm in the doing it, resolv’d -to effect it accordingly: And therefore the next -morning they waited at the Judges Door, and seeing -his Kinsman, they found means to perform -their Enterprize, and got the Purse of Gold -without any considerable difficulty, and forthwith -pretending business to the Judge, they delivered -it to him; he nodded them an answer, advising them -to come to him in the evening; they did so, and he gave -them a Discharge for their friend; but that he might -do equal justice, he commanded them to pay the -Shoemaker for the Boots, and gave them a piece of -Gold to drink; they very thankfully received it and did -accordingly. The Judges Kinsman being now come -out of the Court had occasion for moneys, -but seeking his purse found he had lost it; this -<span class='pageno' id='Page_168'>168</span>perplexed him to the heart; but although the loss was -considerable, yet the vexation that his unkle must -know it was more; he was exceeding melancholly -and discontented; and his Unkle enquired and sent -for him, yet he would hardly come into his presence: -his Unkle knew well enough what disease he was sick -of; but however he asked him again and again what he -ailed? and what was the matter? he still answered him -with silence, and turning away his head. Supper time -being come, they sate down together, but the young -man would not eat a bit; what will you eat? said his -Unkle, nothing, said he: go fetch me a dish of Partridges, -said the Judge; it is a dish I know you love: the -meat was brought, but the young man could eat nothing: -you shall eat, said his Unkle before you rise, and -I will have a dish shall please you; and therefore, said -he to the waiters, go bring up the Dish I commanded -should be last brought up; they thereupon went down, -and brought up a dish covered; come Cousin, said the -Old man, eat some of this; I cannot said the kinsman, -you must and shall, said the Unkle, and I pray uncover -the dish and serve me some: the young man seeing his -Unkle so importunate, and believing because the dish -was covered, that it might be a dish of stew’d apples, -resolv’d to uncover the dish, and satisfie his Unkle by -eating a little of that; wherefore at his Unkle’s importunity -he uncover’d the dish; when he beheld instead -of stew’d apples there was a better sort of fruit, -it was his own Purse of Gold; he no sooner saw it: -how, said his Unkle, I told you I would please you before -you did rise from supper, and I think I have done -so. The young man smiling thanked him, and then -reaching to the dish of Partridges, he fell too lustily, -and did eat as hearty a meal as ever; thus did the recovery -of his Purse of Gold recover his stomack, as -<span class='pageno' id='Page_169'>169</span>indeed I think it would do any others, it being to him -and all others as good a Sawce as a Cordial. And now -although the young man was well enough pleased that -he had recovered his purse, yet he was vexed that his -Unkle should thus discover his folly, and studyed how he -might be revenged on his Unkle; he knew very well -that his purse was taken from him by some cunning -cheat, and that by his Unkles consent; and it was not -long e’re, upon enquiry, he found out the manner, and -also the People who did it; he gave them therefore a -piece to drink, and told them that he would give them -twenty pounds more, if they would do him one piece -of service; they seeing there was money coming, promised -him to do any thing in their powers; he then -told them that it was indeed a high attempt, but he -would pay them as largely, and save them harmless; -and this it was, he would have them pick the Pocket of -the Judge as he sate on the Bench: they told him it -was both difficult and dangerous; as for the difficulty, -said he, I’le make such means that one of you shall come -near him, and for the danger, I will take of his anger, -and pay you as I have said: to this they at length consented -and the next day put in execution; for when -the Judge was most busie in examining Witnesses, he -that was the Artist that was to perform this, approaches -the Bench: the young Man sitting next -the Judge his Unkle, beckons the Pick-pocket, -and he comes up, and under pretence of whispering -the young man in the ear, he pickt the Old -Mans Pocket, and carryed off the Purse cleverly; -when he had so done he descended, and stood among -the other Spectators. In short time after the causes -were heard, and one man who had laid long in prison, -only for his fees, petition’d the Judge to mitigate and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_170'>170</span>lessen them that he might be able to pay them, where’s -the Jaylor? said the Judge; here my Lord, said the -Jaylor; what Fees do you demand of this poor man? -said the Judge; twenty shillings my Lord, if it please -you, and it is no more than your what Lorship order’d -me at the lowest; then said my Lord, you must have -so much; I cannot help it; I must not make Laws one -day and break them another, I had rather pay the money -out of my own purse than do so. His Kinsman -who sate next him, thought this was a very good opportunity -to speak, and therefore thus he said; May it -please honour; I had good Fortune yesterday as your -Lordship knows, and therefore am resolv’d to do some -charitable Act, and I think this of releasing this poor -Prisoner who lies for his Fees, will be none of the -least: wherefore whereas your Honor motions paying -all this poor mans Fees, I make this offer, that if -you please to pay one ten shillings, I will pay the other, -that the poor man may be discharged: a very good -motion, said the Judge. The young man soon found -the way to his Purse, and pull’d out an Angel; but -the Judge although he searched both Pockets, could -find neither money nor Purse, he was therefore much -surprized not knowing what to say, nor think, but -quickly recollecting himself, thus he spake, I am -sure, my friends, when I came in hither I had a Purse -of money in my pocket, but now I cannot finde it, he -that hath taken it from me while I was here sitting, was -his Crafts-Master, and very bold, but I question not -but I shall find him, I have so good skill in Physiognomy, -that I know a Knave by his looks, therefore I desire -you all there below to look on me, every one did -so, expecting what the Judge would do, who by and -by whispering to the Justice that sate next him, at -length arose, and said, look you Master Justice, if I am -<span class='pageno' id='Page_171'>171</span>not deceived, yonder fellow with the straw in his beard -hath my Purse; all the People stared one upon another, -and the Cheat that had the Purse being conscious of -his guilt, doubting he was known to the Judge, and -that he had a straw in his beard, he lifting up his hand -stroaked it to wipe it away, supposing by that means -to pass undiscovered, but that discovered him; for the -Judge who had a quick eye, and expected that motion, -saw, and observed it, thereupon pointed to him, saying, -that is he: it was now too late to fly, for the Jaylor -soon seized him, and upon search found the Purse in -his Pocket. The Purse was given to the Judge, who -told out ten shillings to the Jaylor for the Poor mans -Fees, and ordered him to discharge him, and in his -Room to take away that bold Delinquent that had -pick’d his Pocket; he did so, neither did his kinsman -contradict him in the open Court, but when he came -home he told him all the management, and desired a -discharge for the Prisoner; the Judge knowing that it -was done but in jest, granted his discharge, and the -Kinsmen sent that, and the promised twenty pounds, -and Fees for discharge of the Prisoner.</p> - -<hr class='c007' /> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_172'>172</span> - <h2 class='c003'>CHAP. XV.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c008'><i>The Hostess’s Daughter being courted by an ignorant -poetical Lover; he brings a Soldier with him who becoming -intimately acquainted with Mistress</i> Dorothy -<i>relates to her; how he by pretending to be a Cunning-man -and raising a Spirit, had furnished himself, his -Landlord and Landlady with a plentiful Supper, -which had been provided at the Cost of another.</i></p> - -<p class='c004'>Thus did these Cheats make the best of a bad market, -for being at the first obstructed in their designs -by their Companions Imprisonment, they were -at a loss, and they got little money this bout but what -the Judge and his Kinsman gave them, and the people -who were present at this bold adventure of picking the -Judges pocket on the Bench, were very curious of their -own, and for the future had some what more than ordinary -to talk of; but mine Host who knew more of -the matter than ordinary, made rare sport with this -story at his return, and the Shoemaker who hath receiv’d -satisfaction for the loss of his Boot, having had -money for the other, by mine Hosts appointment sent -for the other Shoemaker his fellow Tradesman, and -ordinary Charges being deducted, gave him the one -half; but mine Host so ordered the matter, that as they -began, so they ended in drink, and spent all they had -received at our house, and thus ended the adventure of -the boots. Mistress <em>Dorothy</em> now stopping, and we -thereby finding that she had concluded her discourse, -we took the liberty of laughing, and wondring at what -she had told us, and therefore desired her to give her -self the trouble to relate some more adventures to us, -but she told us in plain terms that she had done, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_173'>173</span>and that we were to expect no more from her. I hearing -her so peremptory in her reply, told her that we -had been very much engaged to her, for the extraordinary -pains she had taken in these several relations; -but yet I must need add this, that as yet she had not -fully performed her promise, for she had promis’d to -give us an account of all the family, when as, if I am -not mistaken she had said little or nothing of two persons, -whom I supposed to be very considerable, and -that was the Son and Daughter; and therefore I made -it my request to her, that she would recollect her self, -and relate to us somewhat of them, because indeed -they were a little active while they liv’d at home with -their father and mother, but after they went abroad -in the world they were very remarkable, (and continued -she) since their leaving their father and mother, and -my leaving the house were at one and the same time, -and one the same occasion I shall now give you an -account of it, and then she thus proceeded.</p> - -<p class='c000'>One young Man and Maid living in a house where -so much roguery was acted, must needs be well enough -experienc’d to act their Parts, but they were so warily -looked after by their Mother, that it was almost impossible -to exercise their Talent at home, and the -young man by reason of the danger of the War, and -least he should be taken Prisoner and served as his -Father was, was enforced to keep home and ramble -but little, but his Sister less, not being permitted to -go any way out of the Town. And although many -Guests who came to our house saw her, and liked her -marvellously well, (for indeed she was handsom) and -would have made love to her, yet her Mother knowing -the danger by her own experience, watch’d her -too narrowly to permit it, and was resolved to use -her best endeavor to preserve the Jewel of her -<span class='pageno' id='Page_174'>174</span>daughters maiden-head until she should be lawfully -married. She being kept up so strictly had few -Suiters, only one in the Town, who was a Farmers -Son had a moneths mind to her, and having read -the famous History of <em>Tom Thumb</em>, and from thence -proceeding to <em>Fortunatus</em>, and then to the most -admirable History of <em>Dorastus</em> and <em>Fawnia</em>, was infected -with Poetry and Love both at once, and absolutely -believing that all he read was really true, did -with himself to be as fortunate as <em>Fortunatus</em> himself, -and since he could not meet with that blind Lady <em>Fortune</em> -to present him with such a Purse, he did however -resolve to be as absolute a lover as <em>Dorastus</em>; and now -nothing to that accomplishment being wanting but a -Mistriss who should be his <em>Fawnia</em>, he found out our -Pretty Mistress <em>Peggy</em> my Hostess’s Daughter (Hers -I may boldly call her, but mine Host’s I dare not, the -Case being doubtful, by what I have already related to -you) a Mistress being found for our Swain, he made -some addresses to her, and was permitted by the Mother -to more freedom than any, because the youth was not -only indifferent handsome, but rich, and mine Hostess -was pretty free that they should strike up a match together; -I was still desired to keep Company with these -Lovers, but I had much ado to forbear laughing outright -when I heard his Courtship, all his language was -Stuff stoln out of the books he had read; and when he -was answered by Mistress <em>Peggy</em>, or any question propounded -by me to him in any ordinary or different -Dialect, he was as deaf as a Bell-founder, and was not -able to answer us; I being resolved to make sport with -him, told him that I thought he would do mainly well -if he would apply his fancy to writing of Poetry, and -as an essay I advised him to write a Letter to Mistress -<em>Peggy</em> in Verse, he thanked me for my advice, and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_175'>175</span>desir’d my friend-ship and said that he would go immediately -home and exercise himself in Poetry, and so he -said, and so he did, for behold the next morning Mistress -<em>Peggy</em> received a Letter from him, which we both -read and laugh’d at, for it was so foolishly forced, conceited, -and nonsensical that have I much ado to remember -the words, but having often repeated them, -I shall now relate them to you.</p> - -<p class='c013'>Madam,</p> - -<div class='lg-container-l c014'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><i>Ever till I saw thee my heart was still at rest,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Little did I think one Female could have pierc’t</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Either Heart or Bowels, that on thee doth waste,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>So sad all faint and feeble grow within my brest;</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Alas, it is pity that sorrow to me should come,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>For to tell you the truth as yet I am but very young,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>And to express my self I want a better tongue;</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>But I can truly and sadly say that only you</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Are she that hath brought me to grief and sorrow too</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Brave Vertues that are in this lovely Damsel found</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>At the first sight gave my poor heart a desperate wound.</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>You have my sences very much decay’d</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>With love, that at one time they will be all dismai’d</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Long of the tender love that to you I do bear,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Even now I will make and end my only Dear.</i></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='c015'>Your true Lover,</div> -<div class='c016'><em>L. M.</em></div> -<p class='c004'>We all laughed heartily at this non-sensical stuff, -and I told mistress <em>Dorothy</em> that sure she was mistaken -in the recital of these verses, and that they -were to be said backwards, for that wayes that she -<span class='pageno' id='Page_176'>176</span>repeated them I discovered the humour of our Poetical -Lover, and Mistress <em>Peggy</em> by my directions -returned him this answer.</p> - -<p class='c013'>Amorous Friend,</p> - -<p class='c000'><i>Tis much you should receive two infections at once, -the one Love, the other Poetry, but it is not very -strange since they commonly accompany one another, -but i’le assure you ’tis dangerous, for you know the -old</i> Proverb, <i>that sad are the effects of</i> Love and Pease -Porridge; <i>and besides Poetry is commonly attended -with Poverty, but after a strict perusal of your poetick -Fancies, I find there is no great danger in your -poetick infection, for unless you improve your -self mightily it will be a long time e’re you be a compleat -Poet, and since your Poetry and Love came together, -it will be as long e’re you be a compleat Lover; -now if you have still a mind to prosecute these two -Designs, of Love and Poetry, I advise you to make -use of some other more fit and sublime object that -may raise your fancy to a higher pitch of eloquence, -or at least wise sense, as you have been in verse. I -return this answer to you in prose, and as you like -this you may prosecute your Designs of Love and Poetry, -with some other Object, but I pray give no more -trouble to</i></p> - -<div class='c017'>Your Frind,</div> -<div class='c016'><i>M. S.</i></div> - -<p class='c000'><span class='pageno' id='Page_177'>177</span>This to the best of my remembrance was the answer -to our Lovers poetical Letter, and although what we -writ might have been enough to have dashed the designs -of any other, yet our Lover came very confidently -that evening, and thanked his Mistress for -receiving his Letter, and answering it; telling her -that he did acknowledge he had not as yet any great -Skill in Poetry, but he had written his best, and intended -and hoped in the next to mend it, and so he -proceeded in his troublesome Love-Suit. Our Cook-maid -coming into the room where we were, and -having seen the Love Letter, it being made no secret, -told us that she had a Love Letter sent her not long -since, which in her opinion was better than that; and -we believing that there must be somewhat in it -worth the seeing, commanded her to fetch it, and -giving it into my hands, I read these words.</p> - -<p class='c018'><em>Madam</em>,</p> - -<p class='c000'><i>I Hope the Brains of your Beauty being boyl’d in the -Kettle of Kindness with the Beef of Bounty, may -at length prove a dish for my dyet, so that the Marrowbone -of your Maidenhead being crack’d with the -Chopping-knife of my Courage, may upon the Trencher -of Truth declare how I love you; let not the minc’d -meat of Modesty baked in the Oven of Hatred in the -Crust of Coyness cause my Denial, lest the Dagger of -Death being drenched in the Barrel of my Blood may -with the Spiggot draw forth the Liquor of my Life.</i></p> - -<p class='c019'>Yours more than his own,</p> -<div class='c017'><em>T. J.</em></div> - -<p class='c000'><span class='pageno' id='Page_178'>178</span>This Letter pleas’d me more than the former, and I -told her that her Sweet-heart was ingenious and witty, -for he had courted her in her own language, and made -use of such words she understood, and that in my opinion -it was far better to do so than to be altogether so -poetical as to make mocks of their Mistresses by comparing -their fore-heads to Alablaster, their eyes to -Diamonds, their lips to Coral, and such kind of fantastical -similies, our Lover was of my opinion, and was so -taken with the Cook-maids Letter that he desired to -copy it, and so he did; and while he was thus employed, -I remembred that I had a paper of verses that -would employ all his senses to understand, and it may -be puzzle him; and therefore fetch’d it, and he having -copyed the other lines, I shewed him these.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-l c014'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><i>I saw a Peacock with a fiery Tail</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>I saw a Blazing star that dropt down Hail</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>I saw a Cloud begirt with Ivy round</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>I saw a Sturdy Oak creep on the ground</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>I saw a Pismire swallow up a Whale</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>I saw a brackish Sea brim full of Ale</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>I saw a Venice glass sixteen yards deep</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>I saw a Well full of mens tears that weep</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>I saw mens Eyes all on a flaming fire</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>I saw a House big as the Moon and higher</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>I saw the Sun all red even at midnight</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>I saw the man that saw this dreadful sight.</i></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c000'>And most dreadful it was indeed, said our Lover, -if it were true, but however (continued he) the Verses -are very good, and I pray let me have a copy of them; -which I permitted him to take; and he read them over, -and over again without understanding the Mystery, but -the more he read, the more he seemed to wonder at the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_179'>179</span>strangeness of the several sights, and said, sure this is -impossible, not at all, said I, and if you will lay ten shillings -to be spent, I will make it out to you before you -go, that all that is there written is very true, and that I -have seen it all myself. I cannot believe it, replyed he, -and I am content to lay the wager, provided Mistress -<em>Peggy</em> may be the Judge. Content, said I, and so the -money was laid in her hands, and then I took up the paper -and began to read thus: <em>I saw a Peacock</em>, and there -I made a stop, and said, do you believe that? If you do -not, I can shew you one in the yard: Ay, but said he, -the Verse is, <em>I saw a Peacock with a fiery Tail</em>, and that -is the wager: no, said I, you must stop when you have -red <em>I saw a Peacock</em>, and then go on, <em>with a fiery Tail I -saw a blazing Star</em>; and I am sure that I have seen that -too, for blazing Stars have all fiery Tails: that is true, -replyed he, but I did not mean to read it so: tis no -matter how you meant, said I, but what I read is true, -and by vertue of that I suppose I shall win the wager, -but however I proceeded, and read; <em>That dropt down -Hail I saw a Cloud; Begirt with Ivy round I saw a -a sturdy Oak; Creep on the ground I saw a Pismire, -Swallow up a Whale I saw a Brackish Sea; Brim -full of Ale I saw a Venice Glass</em>: And so I read on to -the end of the Verses, still making a full stop in the -middle of the verse, where the sense required it; thus -making sense of the impossible nonsense: by this -time our Lover saw he was likely to lose his Wager, -but however he cavelled at my thus reading it, and -said, I ought to stop only where the <a id='corr179.29'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='thime'>rhime</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_179.29'><ins class='correction' title='thime'>rhime</ins></a></span> ended; -but all that he said signified nothing, for his Mistress -did me the justice to award me the Wager, -and accordingly gave me my money, and kept the -other twenty shillings to be spent; neither was -the Poetical Lover much displeased, for he had -a very high esteem of the Lines he had, protesting -<span class='pageno' id='Page_180'>180</span>he would not part with them for forty shillings, and -he questioned not but he should win much money by -Wagers he would lay about them, and being thus satisfied -he left us, promising the next night to return, -and then expecting a Colation for the ten shillings he -had lost; and so we were rid of our poetical Lover till -the time appointed; which being come, he likewise -came and brought with him a young man, a Soldier -that belong’d to the Garrison in our Town; I knew -the man by sight, for he was very remarkable, it being -the general report that he was a Cunning-man and -could tell fortunes, and our Lover brought him to give -his oppinion, whether he should have mistress <em>Peggy</em> or -not. We gave him the ordinary welcome, he coming in -company with our Lover we were the more free with -him, who demeaned himself so well that I had a more -than ordinary respect for him, and told him he should -be welcome at any other time; and so our Colation -being ended, we for that time parted; but in short time -after he came again, and being as he said, much taken -with my company, desired to take all opportunities of -waiting on me: I seeing no harm in him, and finding -that he was none of the pitifull sort of fellows, but that -he was handsom, witty, and above all things that he -wore money in his Pocket, permitted him frequently -to visit me, and it was not long e’re I grew into such -familiarity with him, that I obliged him to shew me -so much of his Skill as to tell me my Fortune; he was -surprized at this proposition and made many Excuses, -but I grew to that height in my importunitie that I -wearied him; at length he told me that although all the -Town had been mistaken in him yet I should not, and -that if I pleased he would undeceive me, and in short -he told me that it was a mistake to think that he -was skillfull either in Astrology or Magick, and although -<span class='pageno' id='Page_181'>181</span>he had gained some moneys by pretending -to be knowing in that mystery, yet it was no such -matter: I supposing that he only said this to excuse -himself, still importuned him in such manner, that I -brought him to this: that provided I would promise -him secrecy, he would discover his whole secrets to -me, and thereby make it absolutely appear that -the Town was mistaken: I being desirous of hearing -Novelties, engaged to perform all he desired, and -thereupon he thus began.</p> - -<hr class='c012' /> - -<p class='c000'>Madam, in the discourse I shall make you, I shall -be forced to discover not only my own secrets, but also -those of another, the most eminent of this Town, and -were it not to you, and onely to you, I should not do -it for any consideration whatsoever, for it is the secrets -of a woman of the best quality, and therefore you may -be justly angry with me for so doing, but my respects, -& indeed my love to you is so great, that I shall not stop -at any obstacles to perform anything you require; & -withal I pray do not think, that since I am so easie to -discover one womans secrets, and that of such eminency -and one to whom I am so much obliged, that I should, -or may at one time or another, serve you in the like -manner. No Madam (said he) assure your self of the -contrary, for although the woman I am to speak of -be so eminent, indifferently handsom, and one to -whom I am so much obliged, yet my acquaintance -with her began after a strange manner, and it was a -kind of necessity that first induced her to permit me the -freedom I enjoy with her; whereas on the contrary, the -respects I have for you are of another nature, for my -inclination and affection induce me to pay you all manner -of service, which I am confident will be very lasting. -He having made this plausible speech, thus proceeded.</p> - -<p class='c000'><span class='pageno' id='Page_182'>182</span>It is not many moneths since I was first acquainted -with this place, you know my quality is a Soldier of -Fortune, and I may reasonably enough term my self -so, being of late some-what favoured by that blind and -inconstant Lady; our Commander in Chief thinking -it convenient to draw us out of the field where we had -been all the last Summer, and place us in Garrisons for -the Winter season; it fell to my lot, among other of -my Comrades, to be ordered to be quartered in this -Town, where when we came, we had our several Billets -delivered to us, and mine directed me to the House -of the wealthiest Mercer in your Town, where I still -Quarter, and who you know is a Person as eminent -for Estate, as any in the Town, I need not name him, -you knowing where I Quarter: it so fortuned, that the -night I came thither first to Quarter, he was out of -the Town, as he had been for some dayes past and was -to continue for two or three more. It was somewhat -late when I knock’d at the door, and therefore the -Maid-servant who heard me, ask’d me what I would -have? I answer’d that I was appointed in that House -to take up my Quarters. The Maid soon called her -Mistress, and acquainted her with the matter; which -she knowing, thus answer’d me, that she was a young -new-married woman, that her Husband was absent, -that she had onely one servant, and that therefore she -could not with any conveniency entertain any man in -her house. I could not be satisfied with this answer, but -reply’d that I was sorry I must be so troublesom, but -withal that it was too late to seek any other lodging; -and that my Comrades were all in their Quarters, and -therefore I must unavoidably lye in the street if she did -not entertain me; wherefore I pray’d her to receive me -into her house, and put me into any place she pleas’d, -and I promised that I would be as little troublesome as -<span class='pageno' id='Page_183'>183</span>possibly I could, and therefore I desired her not to deny -that fairly and by entreaty, which she knew I could -command. The young woman, although she was much -troubled (believing that I might hinder a design she -had in hand) yet knowing withal that what I said was -true, and that I might command where I entreated, -commanded her maid to open the door, and shew me -my lodging up in the Garret. When I was entred the -house, I told her that I was to lodge there, so I desir’d -I might sup with her, (not that I would command it, -but that I would willingly pay for what I had) because -it was late, and I had not eaten any thing all that day. -She seemed angry at my proposal, telling me that I -was mistaken if I took her house for an Inn, and if I -wanted a supper, want I must, for I was like to have -nothing there but my bare lodging, and indeed bare -I might call it, for it was a most pitiful one, however -I was forc’d to make use of it, and go supper-less to -bed. Being thus ready to dye for hunger, I had little -mind to sleep, and therefore I only tumbled and tossed -without so much as closing mine eyes together. After -I had lain an hour in this manner, casting mine eyes -about the Chamber, I perceived some light which came -through a Chink or Crevis in the floor, and my curiosity -inviting me to it, I leap’d out of the bed, and laying -my eye to the place, I might perceive under me a room -very well furnisht, wherein was a great Fire, two Spits, -of roasted Fowls, the Maid turning them, and the young -Woman, the Mistress sitting in the arms of a young -Fellow a Lawyer, who to me appeared to be so by his -Gown. How! said I to myself, is this the Woman that -in her Husbands absence will not receive a man into -her? Oh the unconstancy and subtility of Women! -this I thought, but however I believed it was not as yet -<span class='pageno' id='Page_184'>184</span>time to speak out; but being very hungry, I beheld -the Spits with some anger, and devoured the Fowls -with my eyes; I had the patience to see the Supper -dress’d, though I was not to be a Guest; and though -I could not taste, yet I could smell the Victuals: I saw -the Table spread, the Bottles of Wine brought out, & -the Victuals placed on the Table, but just as they were -going to sit down, one knock’d at the door; this somewhat -startled them, but their confusion was greater, -when the Maid asked who was at the door, understood -it was her Master. They were all frighted and confounded, -not knowing where to put the man, or the -victuals, they had but little time to consider: There -was but one little Chamber adjoyning where the maid -lay, and under her Bed at length they laid him, and -the Meat, Drink, and all the Appurtenances were placed -in a Closet in the Chamber: This being done, and -the Woman sitting down by the fire, the Master who -was impatient with calling and knocking, was let in, -and coming up stairs, his Wife rises from her seat, and -cryes out, Oh dear Husband! Wellcome home, how -glad am I to see you, especially in coming sooner than -I expected. That is true, said the good man, I made -haste and dispatched my Business, which being done, -I took Horse and made all possible speed to come home -to you, and indeed, I have rid full speed all this day; -And very welcome you are, said she: But how come -you to have so great a fire? said the Husband: Oh -Love, said the Wife, I am troubled with the Belly-ake -as passes, and I made this fire to warm Trenchers and -clothes, to put to my Belly to ease me; and truely I -think that this pain hath taken me with vexing -at a paultrey business that happened this night; for -here came a Soldier and said he must, and would quarter -here, and it hath so angred and griev’d me, to think -<span class='pageno' id='Page_185'>185</span>that a man must lodge here in your absence, that I -think truly it hath brought my paine. I hearing -this, thought it would be convenient for me ere long -to appear, and therefore put on my Clothes, but still -I gave attention to the end of their discourse, which -was thus continued: Said the Husband, well, let that -pass; but I pray let me have some Supper, for I have -made such haste to day in travelling to come to you, -that I am almost dead with hunger, wherefore I pray -give me some Victuals. Victuals, replyed the woman, -where do you think I should have it? Do you think -I make feasting in your absence? Alas, my maid and -I supp’d to night with each of us a Roasted Apple, I -am sorry for that, replyed the Husband, and am very -loath if I could help it, to go to Bed without a Supper, -but what cannot be cured, must be endured. I -hearing this, and believing it to be very proper for -my design, being already dress’d, went down stairs, -and knock’d at the door, which opened, I entred, and -saluting my Landlord, prayed him to excuse me for -disturbing his Wife, who had indeed refused to entertain -me, till I had acquainted her with my Orders, -which, lest he should distrust any thing to the contrary, -I then pull’d out and shew’d him, and told him that -I hoped his Wife could not complain of any incivility -I had offered her. No truly, reply’d she. I having satisfi’d -him in this, I told him that I understood that he -had not supped no more than I, and therefore if he -pleased I would give him and his Lady a Supper, -for I had it in my power to accommodate them very -plentifully. How is that possible? reply’d my Landlord, -since it is so late, and nothing is to be had in -the Town, and besides that it will be too late to dress -any thing. I bid him take no care for that, but if he -pleased he should be provided with victuals ready dresed -provided he and his wife would both promise me -<span class='pageno' id='Page_186'>186</span>secresie; they told me that they would do so, but he -wondred, and she seemed to do so too, at what I intended -to do; whereupon I told them I had a correspondency -with Spirits, who would furnish me with -what I desired, and thereupon taking a piece of Chalk, -and making a Circle I Placed myself in it, made certain -Figures about it, and taking a Staff in my hand, -waved it about my head, and then I uttered many -words which were onely conceited fustian stuff, which -they understood not, nor I myself neither, and then -proceeding I named a Spirit, and told him that he -must quickly provide me a Supper for myself, my -Landlord, and his Lady. I seemed to listen, and then -told them that my Spirit was obedient, and nothing -was wanting now but to know what they would have; -I asked the question, but they answered, What I -pleased: Bring then, said I, a Boyl’d Hen and Bacon, -a Couple of Roasted Capons, a Dozen of Partridges, -two Dozen of Larks, a Pippin Tart, with Oranges -and Lemmons, and Fruit sufficient; Also bring us -two Bottles of Canary and two of Claret; this was -the Victuals I had seen provided, and therefore this -I call’d for; and withal, said I, I charge thee not to -appear in any horrible shape, so as to frighten my -Landlord or Landlady, but dispatch quickly and set -all down in the Closet of this Chamber. Having thus -finisht my Inclination and paused a little, now, said -I, open the door and there you shall see I am obeyed. -The maid readily did as I commanded, and all was -there in ample manner ready dress’d, to the great -astonishment of my Landlord, but my Landlady, -though she seem’d to be amazed, knew well enough that -she was discovered, but as yet could not disaprove of -what I had done. The meat being produced, the Table -was spread and the provision placed thereon, and now -<span class='pageno' id='Page_187'>187</span>all things being in readiness, I desired my Landlord -and Landlady to take their places; at my request they -did so, but my Landlord was mighty unwilling to -eat, until he see me eat and commend the Victuals -and Sauce, and I importuning him to taste, he did -so, and my Landlady by his example consented to -accompany us in the same employment: Having now -done with one Dish, and my Landlord finding that to -be good, by my example fell to another, and though he -was somewhat cautious, yet he made a good Meal; I -am sure I did not spare, but fed like a Farmer, and my -Landlady was not at all behind hand, she well enough -knowing, that though I told them it was dress’d under -ground, yet she could contradict me but she durst not; -the maid had her part too, and all were well enough -content, except the poor Lawyer, who was both hungry -and fearful, lest as I had discovered the meat, -I would also discover the Caterer, but I minded no -such matter, I thought as I had begun well, so to -end, and I would not be so discourteous to him to -make him fare ill, when by his means I had fared so -well. We not onely eat lustily, but drank off <a id='corr187.22'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='our our'>our</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_187.22'><ins class='correction' title='our our'>our</ins></a></span> Wine cheerily, which was as good as ever tipp’d -over Tongue, and for us three there was enough; -and now at last my Landlord did own that the Meat -and Sauce, Bread and Drink were all excellent -good, and that if the Spirits could command so good -Fare, they were more harmless and better company -than he thought for: I told him my Spirit was still -in his house, and expected my further Commands, -therefore I desired to know whether he would have -ought else e’re I discharged him? He told me, No: -Then, replyed I, he shall descend; but since he hath -done us so good service, I will, if you please, let you -see him. Oh by no means Sir, said my Landlady, -fearing I would discover her greatest Secrets. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_188'>188</span>Rest contented, replyed I, for I am Master of more -discretion that to disoblidge a Lady; assure your self -it shall be otherwise than you imagine: my Landlord -too was very fearful, but I assured him there -should be no cause, and thereupon for the more -easie management of what I intended, I ordered the -Servant-maid to open the Street door, and all the -other Doors of the House, that the Spirit might -have the more freedom to depart, otherwise I told -them he would raise a Tempest; and, continued I, -he shall not appear in any horrid form, but in the -habit of one of your Neighbors; having told them -this, I thus began: Oh thou Spirit, who hast been -unexpectedly disturbed, but hast so plentifully -catered for us, come forth for I now give thee leave -to go whither thou pleasest. The Lawyer who was -but in the next room, and who had heard all passages, -was not so sottish as to neglect this opportunity, -but pulling his Hat over his face that he might -go undiscovered, came forth of the room where he -had been hid, and with a steady pace walked by -us, going down stairs, and so leaving the house, -whilst my <a id='corr188.23'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='Ladylady'>Landlady</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_188.23'><ins class='correction' title='Ladylady'>Landlady</ins></a></span> in a trembling manner sate and -beheld what had passed.</p> - -<hr class='c007' /> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_189'>189</span> - <h2 class='c003'>CHAP. XVI.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c008'><i>The Souldier is in danger to be caught by his Landlord in -his Landladies Chamber, but by her wit he escapeth. -Mistris</i> Dorothy <i>relates that a parcel of Padders having -rob’d a Knight of four hundred pounds, two of -them are taken, but the Knight will not swear absolutely -against them, because he might sue and get his Money -of the Hundred where he was rob’d. A Crew of -Pick-pockets wanting money, two of them pretend to be -drunk and quarrel with the third, wherefore these two -are put into the stocks, and getting company, the third -had the opportunity of picking many Pockets.</i></p> - -<p class='c004'>The Lawyer having thus pass’d by us to the amazement -of my Landlord, he then look’d on me with -somewhat a distracted countenance, his wife seeing that, -and doubting that he had or would discover the matter; -to divert him from any questions or considerations, -pretended to be so mightily amaz’d & frighted, -that she fell into a swoon, and then her Husband, the -maid, and I had enough to do to bring her again to her -self, neither could we do it so well, but that her Husband -was forced to help the maid to carry and put her into -her bed, where for that night I left them and went to my -own, and now my belly being full it was not long ere I -fell asleep; awaking the next morning I began to consider -what had passed, and wondred at my self how I had -the confidence to manage an affair so difficult and dangerous, -but when I considered what I had done I resolved -to proceed, and as I knew the secrets of my <a id='corr189.30'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='Lan-lady'>Land-lady</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_189.30'><ins class='correction' title='Lan-lady'>Land-lady</ins></a></span>, -to make some use of that knowledg, and out of her -misfortunes to make my self a fortune therefore I recommended -my self, remembring the old saying, <span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>Audaces -Fortuna juvat</em></span>, Fortune helps the bold, and therefore -I would try her favours, considering that she -<span class='pageno' id='Page_190'>190</span>could do me no injuries, I could not be much lower -than I was, and I was in great probability to rise higher -by the prosecution of this Adventure. I did not -question but I should do well enough with my Landlady, -for I had not at all disobliged her in betraying -her secrets, but rather mannaged them as well as she -could wish or desire, and therefore she could not take -me for a Clown or Fool, but rather think me worthy -of her favour, and into her favour I was resolved to -get, or venture all; she was young, and as you know -indifferent handsome, her husband was old, and I believe -wanting in what most pleases a woman, and therefore -she had permitted the young Lawyer to supply -that Defect, and considering that I might as well as he -pretend to her favor, for I was as young, and (if I am not -mistaken) as handsom; indeed he had this advantage, -of having more money than I, but I question’d not -but she would well enough dispense with that, she being -out of possibility of wanting any, but rather able to -supply me; and I had this advantage above him, that -I was in the house, and likely for some time to continue -there, and by that means I might make use of -all opportunities, and indeed it was not long ere I -had one; for I having spent good part of the morning -in these congitations, I could hear my Landlord rise -and go out of the house, wherefore I also arose and made -my self ready, and indeed I spruced my self up in the -best manner I could; being now ready I went down -stairs, and met with the Maid-servant, who could -not look on me without blushing, I gave her the Good -morrow, & asked her how her mistress did this morning -she replyed, something better than I left her last night. -Truly replyed I, I am sorry that she was so ill, but more -especially to consider that I had been the occasion of it, -but I would study how to make her amends, & at present -<span class='pageno' id='Page_191'>191</span>I desired to make my excuses to her, if she would shew -where she was: she is not yet stirring, said the Maid; -that matters not, said I, and thereupon we went to her -bed side; where when I was come, she seeing me turned -away her face: but Madam, to make short with my -story, I spake to her, and that in such manner, that she -not only turned about, but gave me thanks for the favors -I had done, in managing her secrets with so much -discretion, and that she was, and should be eternally -obliged to me, and should study how to make me amends: -I replyed, amends was already made in the -good opinion she had for me, desiring her to continue -in it, and I should endeavour to serve her in all things -to my power; and since it was her misfortune to be disturbed -by her Husbands unexpected return, and be -disapointed in the enjoyment of her Friend, that was -a thing I could help, but however, if she pleased to accept -of me in his stead, I should give her the best satisfaction -I could, she seemed to be angry at this proposal, -but I proceeding and telling her that I was a Gentleman -born and bred, and it may be in all things equal, -if not above her Friend; she was content to let me kiss -her, and I finding that I might without much difficulty -proceed further, sent the Maid out for a Mornings -draught, and in her absence perswaded her to accept -of that from me which she should have had from her -Friend the <a id='corr191.28'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='Layer'>Lawyer</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_191.28'><ins class='correction' title='Layer'>Lawyer</ins></a></span>, had not her Husband disturbed -them; and I then pleased her well, that ever since she -hath made no difficulty to let me enjoy her Person, and -be Master of that as well as I was of her secrets; and -being thus possessed of her person, I not only commanded -that but her Purse, and have led the pleasantest life -in the World. This Adventure, Madam was the occasion -of my being accounted a Cunning-man, for my -Landlord, though I had enjoyned him secresie, yet he -<span class='pageno' id='Page_192'>192</span>did not absolutely keep it, but acquainted some of his -familiar friends with my knowledg, so that I was in -short time pointed at as I passed along the street, and -gazed at with the eyes of wonder; nay some of the -Neighborhood courted me very earnestly to answer -them several questions, and being often importuned, did -give them such answers as might probably come to pass, -which falling out accordingly I gain’d not only the reputation -of a cunning man, but my pockets were also -indifferently well lyned with Half-crown pieces. Thus -had I a handsome enjoyment of money and pleasure; -for I was free with my Landlady, and very little suspected -by her Husband; but I was one time near being -caught by him, and thus it was. He was not only well -stricken in years, but by an accident some years past, had -lost one of his eyes, or else he would have espyed us; -for one day he being abroad, and I being desirous to toy -with my Landlady, we in order thereto entred her -Chamber and lay down on her bed, we had not long -been there but we heard a noise, and the maid-servant -looking to see what was the matter, came hastily in to -us, and told us that her Master was coming up stairs; -she had hardly delivered this unpleasant message, but -he was come up stairs and was entring the Chamber, -but he was not so quick, but his wife and I were as nimble, -and were got upon our feet, and she running to the -door caught hold of her Husband about the Neck and -cryed out, <em>Oh Lord Husband, how dearly welcome you -are to me! especially at this time, when I so longed to see -you.</em> For what cause, said my Landlord? what is the -meaning of this language? Oh dear Husband, replyed -she, I have been asleep on the bed, where I had the -pleasantest Dream that I have ever had in all my life; -nay, (continued she) it is more than a Dream, for it is -a Vision, and I hope a true one: well, what is it, said -<span class='pageno' id='Page_193'>193</span>he? Why truely Husband, said she, methoughts you -and I were walking along together in a pleasant Field, -and we met with a man that begged an Alms of you, -which you very liberally gave him, and he being glad of -your liberality told you, that he would recompense it -by restoring you the sight of your other eye: Methoughts -I was very joyfull at this proposition, and desired -him to do it, but you were doubtfull of his performance, -and therefore unwilling to let him meddle -with you, but he promising and assuring us that he -would certainly cure you, I perswaded you to permit -him to wash your eye with a certain Water he had in a -Viol about him, which he had no sooner done, but methoughts -you saw very well with your blind eye, at the -sight of which I was so over-joyed, that I awaked, and -you then came up stairs; and now Sweet-heart I am so -confident of the Truth of my Dream, that I desire to experiment -the same, and therefore I pray let me put my -hand on your seeing Eye for a tryal. My Landlady -having done, her Husband replyed, Surely you have not -been asleep as you say, but talk idly for want of sleep, -or else you would never make so foolish a proposition. -I know not, reply’d she, but I must needs desire you to -give me satisfaction in this particular, for I long to try -it. Well, said he, that you may see how much a fool -you are, I am content. She having liberty, clapt her -hand on his seeing Eye, and I who waited that opportunity -needed no further instructions what to do, but -coming from behind the door where I had stood, with -long strides and easie, went out of the Chamber, and going -down stairs left the House: She seeing me gone, and -thereby her business being done, asked her Husband if -he saw any thing? No, said he, but if you will remove -your hand I shall see a fool; she did so, and told him -that she was satisfied, but hoped it had been otherwise: -<span class='pageno' id='Page_194'>194</span>And thus, continued the Soldier, we escaped this -brunt, as we did many others. And now Madam, said -he to me, I have been very free in relating to you the -greatest Secrets of my life, having so much confidence -in your discretion, that I shall run no hazard in your -knowing it, but hope as I have been free with you, so -you will be so generous as to acquaint me with your -quality and condition, and permit me to serve you in all -I can. To this request I answer’d, That indeed I was not -of that Countrey, but another, and upon an urgent affair -was some time since come from <em>London</em>, whither I have -a desire to return; so have I, said the Soldier, and if you -please to accept of my service, I shall gladly wait on -you thither, for I have so much respect from my Captain, -that I question not but he will not onely give me -leave to go, but also give me a Pass to secure me thither. -I hearing him say so, told him that I would take such -order in my affairs, that I hoped in one months time -to be ready to be gone, and then I Should be glad of his -Company. This was the discourse I held with the Soldier, -who was indeed very civil with me, spending his -money freely as often as he came into my company. I -being resolved to leave this place, took order to get into -my hands what moneys I had, which I had lent out -to sufficient persons in the Town, which was in short -time paid me; but very strange Accidents happened in -our house before my departure, which made me hasten -it, and which were thus: I have already told you that -our house had been a Receptacle for Cheats and Pickpockets, -who by degrees coming to be Thieves and -High-way-men, they still frequented it, and mine Host -who seeing he gain’d moneys, cared not much which -ways he came by it, made no great scruple of Conscience -to entertain them, who indeed were very good -Customers, and spent equal to the best Guests we -<span class='pageno' id='Page_195'>195</span>had, and he might do that with them he might not -with others, for they were bound to believe and pay -all that he reckoned, although never so unreasonable, -so that he had an equal share, if not more, of all the -Prizes they made, some whereof were very considerable; -for a Knight of <em>Yorkshire</em> having occasion to -travel our Road was set upon and rob’d by six of -our Guests, he had onely Himself, Wife and Daughter, -Coachman, and one Horseman, this was his Company, -but the Prize was considerable, being four hundred -pounds in money, besides Watches, Rings, and -other Jewels: Our Crew of Padders, although at first -they were severe enough in searching them, and stripping -them of all their Money and Jewels, yet dealt civily -enough with them (if I may term Thieves to be so) -before they parted, for the Knight seeing it was in vain -to resist, and being too weak to do so, permitted them -to take all from him, but when they came to his Lady -and had taken her little Money, and proceeded to take -her Rings from her Fingers, he was troubled, and told -them, that he hoped as they had found him civil to confess -and deliver all he had to them, and which he said -was very considerable, so he hoped they would not use -any violence to his Wife and Daughter, in taking their -Rings from them which were inconsiderable, and might -happen to be prejudicial to them, in discovering of them -to the Law. They, who knew he said right, not onely -desisted from proceeding against the Ladies, but also -gave him his Watch and Rings and all the odd Money -they had taken from him, contenting themselves only -with the four hundred pounds, and giving him an -Oath that he, nor none of his company should remove -from that place for half an hours time, that they -might have leisure to escape; they left him. He was -as good as his word and staid out his time, and they -<span class='pageno' id='Page_196'>196</span>with full speed rode to our Town, and at our house -took up their Quarters: They no sooner entred the -house, but they first deliver’d their Money to the -custody of mine Host, and then called for a Trunk -wherein was their Clothes, for they had always Change -of Clothes lay there, so that in a quarter of an hours -time these six Blades of Fortune were so metamorphosed -that they were not to be known; he who when -he came in had a black Perriwig and grey clothes, now -had a white Perriwig and black Clothes, and by that -and pulling off Patches and such like Disguisements, -they were not to be known; for if a <em>Hue and Cry</em> coms -out wherein is named the number of the Robbers, they -cannot distinguish or describe them otherwise than by -their Clothes and Horses; and as for their Habits they -thus alter them, and their Horses are presently either -sent to Grass, or lock’d up in a private Stable, and their -Sadles and other Accoutrements are convey’d away and -lock’d up; and commonly if there be six or eight in a -Robbery, not above the one half, or three quarters of -them go to one house, but divide themselves into Companies -untill the <em>Hue and Cry</em> shall be over, and then they -meet and divide the Booty: This is their common practice -when a Robbery is done at any distance from <em>London</em>, -but if it be done within twenty miles of that place, -then away they all flie thither, and enter the City at -several ends of the Town, and to several Quarters they -at present disperse themselves; this I say is their custom. -I told Mistress <em>Dorothy</em> that I was very well acquainted -with the Truth of what she had said, and -therefore desired her to proceed and acquaint me how -their Guests came off with their Prize; Very well, -said she, for the <em>Hue and Cry</em> came not to our Town -till the next day; and by that time two of -the six were gone, having taken their shares -<span class='pageno' id='Page_197'>197</span>with them, and the <em>Hue and Cry</em> having passed about -the Town it came to our house, where the Officers -failed in their Enquiry, for it nominated six, whereas -our Company was but four, and the Description of -the Persons and their Habits was so different from -what our Guests had, that there was no reason in the -world to suspect them, and as for their Horses they -were not to be found, so that, I say, our Guests all escaped, -and for joy feasted and drank very highly, but -in two days time their Joy was lessen’d; for a trusty -Messenger came to them and brought sad Newes from -the other two of their Companions, which was, that -they were taken, apprehended, and upon examination -found so guilty, that they were sent to Goal. Our -Guests were very much surprized at the news, & upon -examination of the perticulars, thus they found it: The -Knight who was robb’d having staid in the place the -time he promised, that being over, he caused his Coachman -to drive on to the next Town, where when he -came, he sent for the Town-Officers, and inform’d them -of his Loss, and withal told them that he must, and did -expect satisfaction from them, and the rest of the Inhabitants -of that Hundred, because he was robb’d two -hours before Sun-set: They who heard him knew he -said right, and that it must be so, unless they produc’d -all or some of the Felons, and had them try’d and found -guilty at Law, wherefore the Sum being considerable, -and the Case so evident and plain to be proved, they -presently took an account of the Knight of all particulars -of the Robbers in the best manner that he or his -servants could direct, and having so done sent out a <em>Hue -and Cry</em>, directing and charging the Officers to use all -possible diligence in the discovery of these Fellons: -but they miss’d of their purpose for that day, but -the next it was the misfortune of those two of our -<span class='pageno' id='Page_198'>198</span>Guests who had left our house to come thither, and -being now again upon the Pad, were accoutred in -their Padding Habit; although they were but two, -and the number in the <em>Hue and Cry</em> was six, yet their -Habits and Horses were so remarkable that they were -soon suspected, and the officers seized them quickly, -hailing them before the Justice, whither when they -were come and examined, they could not answer so -well, but that they were shrewdly suspected; but to -make the matter more clear, the Knight and his servants -who were still in the Town, were sent for, and then -it was not long ere the matter was but too plain for our -two Delinquents, especially when upon search of their -Portmantua’s their share of the Money was found, -however they stoutly denied the Fact; but notwithstanding -all that could be said, they were sent to Prison. -This News alarmed our Guests, and made them -bethink themselves of what should be most necessary -for their own preservation, and thereupon they thus -resolved, that two of the four should go near the -place where the Knight was, and observe his motions, -and according to that act their matters as should be -convenient, and the other two resolved for the present -to stay at our house: but this Case which now at the -beginning appeared to be very bad and sad for their -two Companions, in the end by the cunning managment -of the two Agents came off much better than -was expected, and indeed very well; for they understanding -that the Knight was engaged by the Justice -to prosecute, and that the Countrey would see that -he should do so, whereby they might be discharged -from payment of the money he was robb’d off; This -consideration being had, they resolved by some -trusty Messenger to send to the Knight, and therefore -they drew up a Letter to this purpose.</p> -<p class='c004'><span class='pageno' id='Page_199'>199</span><i>That they were Gentlemen of a good Extraction, but -the misfortunes of times, and their own Necessities, -had put them upon a Course of life far different from their -Inclinations; which, although it was not justifiable by -Law, yet they thought it not so unreasonable as the World -did, and they had plenty of Examples for their Practice, -the whole Nation being now engaged into Parties, who -under fair and specious pretence made it their business to -Rob (which they termed</i> Plunder <i>) one another, especially -the harmless Countrey, and that so often as they should -come in their way: This they said was the president by -which they walked, and by vertue of this Commission -(which they believe as Authentick as some of theirs who -levyed great Forces,) they had taken up Arms, and their -good fortune, and this present mishap, had caused them to -meet, where, although he was dispossest of his Money, yet -they were confident he had no very ill opinion of them, in -regard they had used him and the Ladies in his company -with all civility; this they hoped he would not forget, and -for that consideration he would deal as civilly with their -two Companions, who had the misfortune to fall under the -power of the Law. This they thought was reason enough -for them to Expect all favour at his hands, but there were -also other reasons for him to do it, and that which they -thought would be the most prevalent, was, that it was against -his own interest to prosecute their Companions; for -should he at the approaching Assizes so absolutely charge -them with the Fact, as to bring them within the compass -of the Law, and it may be take their Lives from them, -then he must expect no other satisfaction, but lose his Money: -whereas on the contrary if he and his servants spake -doubtfully in their Evidence against them, and they were -not proved to be guilty, then he might by Law recover his -whole Money of the Country. This they hoped would be a -prevalent reason with him to order the matter so as to let -their Companions escape, which they prayed & hoped he -<span class='pageno' id='Page_200'>200</span>would do: but if (as they thought against all reason) he -should rigorously prosecute them, he was to remember that -four of their Companions were still left at liberty with -swords in their hands, and his misfortune might again -bring him under their power, when he might not expect so -civil proceeding against him as he had the last time, but -that they might revenge their Companions, but they concluded -they hoped he would not give them that occassion.</i> -And so they concluded.</p> - -<p class='c000'>This Letter was carefully conveyed to the Knight, -who having read and consider’d the Contents, and finding -their reasons to be good, and withal considering -that if he should by his Evidence cast these two men -for their Lives, he was not sure of his own so long as -they had companions, (who though at the first he found -civil enough) who had swords in their hands, and might -be revengeful and bloody-minded enough on that occasion; -neither, as they had urged, would it be for his -interest, for he must then lose his Money, or the greatest -part. These reasons, I say, made him to manage the -matter so as that upon Tryal they should be acquitted, -and therefore he sent to the Prison a Confident of his, -to tell them that he would do so, charging them to deny -the Fact & stand upon their justification; And thus the -Assizes coming they were indicted, but the Knight & his -Servants (who were directed and instructed by him) -were all in one Tale, & said, that indeed he was robb’d of -four hundred pounds at such a place & time, by six men, -two whereof were in such habits, or like such as the prisoners -at the Bar had, but that he could not for all the -world swear or say that they were any of the persons. -He saying no more than thus, and by his example his -Servants saying no more or less, & the Prisoners pleading -Justification, they were in the end acquitted, -had their Money again deliver’d to them, and the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_201'>201</span>Knight now proceeding in his Suit against the Country, -recover’d his whole Moneys of them; and thus our -two Prisoners with their two Comrades who had attended -the Tryall, came home to our house with great -joy. And thus did Thieves escape, and the honest Countrey -was punish’d, and this I have known is a trick -that hath been used familiarly; so that several Countreys -have been almost undone with these kind of Robberies.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Soon after this passage, there happened one as pleasant, -thought not so roguish, and thus it was: A Crew -of Divers, Bung nippers, or Pick pockets came to our -house, and there being a Fair in the Town they brought -home very good Purchase, and spent their moneys very -freely, but their trade did not continue so good as it -began, and they in expenses were so profuse and prodigal, -that they had out-run the Constable, spent more -than they were able to pay, and they were always us’d -to pay their Host well, and so they were resolv’d to do -now, or set their Wits on the Tenters; many Projects -they had, and many Essays they made, some of them -going abroad by turns, and then returning and sending -others, but our Town was but thinly peopled, and they -could not raise any considerable Purchase, wherefore -knowing that if they could get any number of people -together, they might then have the more convenient -opportunity of getting a Prize, they therefore thus laid -their Plot; Three of them went out, two whereof were -to act the drunken mans part, and so they did very -Comically, for they reeling along the streets, tumbled -down several people who were in their way. The people -believing them to be what they appear’d, <em>viz.</em>, -drunk, let them pass on without much interruption; -their sober Companion seeing that no body else -would take them up, he therefore was resolv’d -<span class='pageno' id='Page_202'>202</span>to do it, and thereupon meeting them as by chance, they -gave him the Justle, which he not taking so patiently as -the other had done, not onely worded it with them, but -they proceeded to blows, so that two being against -one it was thought unequal, and they having been abusive -to others, a great company were assembled, and -among them the Constable, who seizing upon all three -carried them before a Justice, who hearing the matter, -and finding by the testimony of the people who went -with them, that the two were wholly to blame, and -believing them to be as drunk as they seemed to be, he -therefore ordered that they should be set in the Stocks -for two hours, and the third be discharged. This his -Order was obeyed, and they were conducted to the -Stocks, where they behav’d themselves so pleasantly in -foolish discourse to the people, that a very great number -of people were about them; their Companion who was -at freedom seeing his conveniency, and being his Arts-Master -in the Mystery of Diving, fished money out of -their pockets, so that in two hours time that they were -in the Stocks, he plyed his work so well that he had -gained near seven pounds; being thus fraighted, he -came to our house, and it was not long ere his Companions -followed him; when they finding so considerable -a Purchase, paid my Landlord the Reckoning and call’d -for a new one, where they drank roundly, remembring -all those by whom they fared the better; and then having -done the business they came for, they paid their -Shot and march’d off to the next Town to see if they -could fare any better than they had done at ours. And -these, continued Mistress <em>Dorothy</em>, were the Guests -we now entertained, <em>Padders</em> and <em>Pick pockets</em>, who -as they got their money easily, so they spent it as -lightly, to the great profit of mine Host, for he -gained at least fifty pounds of the four hundred, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_203'>203</span>and still put in for a share: but as the Pitcher goes -not so often to the water, but it comes home broken -at last, so in short time not onely his Guests, but he -himself was caught and brought to condign punishment.</p> - -<hr class='c007' /> - -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c003'>CHAP. XVII.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c008'><i>The Author relates a Story how he and six other Padders -robb’d a Carrier of six hundred pounds, and -that one of the company in consideration of an hundred -pounds paid him by the Countrey where the -Robbery was committed, owned the Fact, and thereby -saved the Countrey (who were sued) from payment -of the rest, and at length by their assistance -gained his pardon. Also how a young Pick-pocket -is put on by an old one, to cut an old womans Purse -whilest she is at prayers in a Church-yard by a Tomb-stone; -the Boy performs the Exploit, but is discover’d -and shew’d by the old pick-pocket to the people, -who coming to stare on the Boy had their Pockets -pickt by the old one and his companions; And also -how an old Padder being in danger to be hang’d -for a Robbery, a young one for fifty pounds took the -Fact upon himself, discharged the old one, and in -the end came clearly off himself.</i></p> - -<p class='c000'>I Finding by Mistress <em>Dorothy’s</em> pausing that she was -somewhat weary of her large Discourse, and being -desirous to know the conclusion of her Adventures, -desired her to refresh her self with a Cup of Wine -which stood by us, and then we all three, <em>viz.</em>, Mistress -<em>Mary</em>, Mistress <em>Dorothy</em>, and my self, having -drank off a quart of the best, I thus bespake her; -Truly Mistress <em>Dorothy</em>, you have taken much pains in -<span class='pageno' id='Page_204'>204</span>reciting these pleasant adventures that befel whil’st -you liv’d in the Inn, and you must needs have very -great experience by what you have related; for although -I was well acquainted with knaveries and -rogueries enough whilest I lived in <em>England</em>, yet all -our adventures are very new, being such whose like -I have seldom heard; and although I did follow the -<em>Padding</em>-Trade, especially at that time when I had the -good fortune at the first to meet with, and be acquainted -with you, yet I seldom knew, nor indeed ever heard -of the like escape that your six <em>Padders</em> had; it was -a neat and cleanly conveyance: but lest you should -be tyred with too long speaking, and that I might -enable you the better to give us a full and exact -account of the rest of your adventures, I will relate -to you some of my former Adventures, and especially -one, which was somewhat like that of your six -<em>Padders</em>, and thus it was.</p> - -<p class='c000'>A stout gang of us who were <em>Knights of the Road</em>, -were one time assembled together at an Inn, from -whence we understood a good round Sum of money -was to be carryed, and we only waited the departure -and motions of the Pack-horses, that we might put -our project in execution, the Sum was six hundred -pounds, and we knew it was to be carried in a pack, -but which pack and which horse was to carry it, we -were ignorant of, and that we doubted would be a -hindrance or at leastwise a trouble to our design; for -the Carrier having such a charge of money was resolv’d -to travel only by day light, and not in the night time, -whereby if it should happen he were robb’d, he might -not bear the loss; and we knowing this, and doubting -that he would keep in as much company as he could, -we fear’d it would be troublesome and dangerous to rob -him of that money, unless we knew in what pack it was; -for it would take up much time to cut up and examine all -<span class='pageno' id='Page_205'>205</span>the rest of the Packs, which were near twenty in number; -wherefore one of our Comrades made it his business -to discover that matter, but although he was watchful, -yet the Carrier and Owners were as shie, so that he -could not possibly attain to his desires; wherefore he -was resolv’d to under-feel the Hostler, who upon a little -acquaintance and a Reward given him, and more promised -if the project should take, engaged to give him a -certain Token how he should know the Horse and Pack, -and to that end directed him to wait the next morning -early when the Pack-horses went out: Our Companion -did so, sitting in a Drinking-room in the Yard where -he could see all passages. The Horses being loaded, -went out one after another, and the Moneyed-horse in -the middle, when he came the Hostler lifted up his -hand, and gave him a Clap over the Buttock, saying, -<em>Goe thy ways</em> Dun, <em>for thou wilt never be sold to thy -worth</em>: This was <em>Item</em> enough to our Companion to -mark, and know what he had to do; so that the Horses -being all gone, and he having dispatcht his drink, came -up to us who attended him; And then he telling us -that he knew how to execute our Design, and that he -had knowledge enough, we rested contented, neither -did we leave that Inn till noon, although the Carrier -went out in the morning early, and this we did that we -might not be suspected to have any design upon him, -but soon after we had din’d we all mounted and away -we rode. It was not many hours before we over-took -the Carrier, or at least came near him, and then we -sent one of the company to scour the Road, and discover -in what condition the Carrier was in, and as occasion -serv’d to come back to us and acquaint us; one hour -before night he came to us, who were not far off, and -told us, that then was the opportunity, for the Carrier -<span class='pageno' id='Page_206'>206</span>had engag’d company all the while before, but now -the night coming on, and the Company being to travel -further than the Carrier, they had newly left him, and -then he was alone, onely with his man and two or -three passengers; we being eight in number, quickly -made up to the Carrier, and one with Sword drawn -and Pistol cock’d seiz’d on him, another on his man, -and the rest of our Companions on the rest of the Passengers; -he of our Companions that knew the Horse -and Pack onely went to him, singl’d him out, cut his -Girts, ripp’d up the Pack, and took forth the money, -without medling with any thing else; we the rest of -his Companions in the mean time had dismounted -the Carrier, his man, and the Passengers, and having -tyed their hands, we left them to shift for themselves, -and six of us taking each of us a hundred pounds, -and the other two riding one in the Van, and the other -in the Rere, away we march’d, but at that rate that -in two hours we were got thirty miles from the place -where the robbery was committed, and we had so -cross’d the Country to prevent discovery, that it was -almost impossible to overtake or finde us. We took -up our Quarters at an Inn where we were very well -acquainted, and for joy of our purchase wanted for -nothing that money could produce us, and there we -spent some time in all manner of delights, till being -weary of the place, and some of the Company having -a desire to depart and separate, we accordingly did -so; and one of our Companions who had occasion -to ride that way where we committed this Robbery -performed one of the boldest exploits that I have -ever heard of, and thus it was.</p> - -<p class='c000'>He had an Uncle who kept an Inn in the Town near -to the place where this Robbery was done, to whose -house he came & was welcom’d; he pretended he was a -<span class='pageno' id='Page_207'>207</span>Soldier, and was newly come from the Garrison at -<em>Bristol</em>, and with such kind of imaginary Stories he -discours’d his Uncle, and telling him the best news he -could, and his Uncle likewise acquainted him with -the news of the Town, and as the chiefest told him -that there had lately been a great robbery done, for a -Carrier was robb’d of six hundred pound, and therefore -it being done in the day time, that Town must pay -for it, and truely Cousin, said he, our Town hath been -so mightily pestred with Soldiers that we are very poor -and not able and my share comes to thirty pound of -the money: but said our companion, can you not meet -with the thieves? no replyed his Uncle; we have -offered a hundred pound, to any that can discover -them, but hitherto all hath been in vain. This was -the Hosts discourse with his Kinsman, who very well -knew he was one of the number; and a conceit came -into his head, that it was possible that as he had got almost -a hundred pounds already by this robbery, so he -might get another whole hundred pounds; and therefore -being resolved what to do, he thus discovered himself -to his Uncle: it is now said he, three years since I -left my Father, and ever since that I have led a troublesome -life, so that I am almost weary of it; and it is not -long since that for a misdemeanor I had done in our -Garrison, I was condemned to be hang’d, but I thank -my stars I escaped it, and being so near death and escaping, -I soon after came acquainted with a cunning -man, who telling me my Fortune, told me that I had -lately escaped a danger, which I very well knew; and -he withal added, that I should run into many other -dangers, and should escape them; and that he was -certain I was not born to be hang’d: and now therefore -Uncle said he, I will once again tempt my fate, -and being assured that I shall not be hang’d, I care not, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_208'>208</span>if I may be ensured the hundred pounds you spake of, -if I take upon me and own the Robbery; and I think -it will be no difficult matter to do, for as I remember -one of the Gentlemen Padders who did that feat was -habited and mounted just as I am. His Uncle having -heard his discourse, stared at him, and asked him if he -were mad? no, replyed he, but if you will warrant me -the money I’le undertake the matter: his Uncle seeing -him thus resolved, began to consider a little more -seriously of the matter, and told his kinsman, that if -he would do the one, he would not only ensure him -of the other, but also endeavour his pardon, and thereupon -he sent for some of the Neighbors whom he -might trust; and told them that there was a wild -young man his kinsman, who would save them five -hundred pounds, and told them the manner how, -they were well enough satisfied with the proposition, -and not only promised him the money which was agreed -on, should be presently put into any friends hand, -but also that they would undertake his pardon, or at -least-wise a reprieve that he might sue out his pardon; -this being agreed upon, they next proceeded in their -discourse how this affair was to be managed, and after -several propositions made, it was concluded, that as he -came into the Town, so he should go out, and the next -day he should re-enter the Town when the Officers -who should be then appointed to search for suspitious -persons should seize on him, and he should at the first -deny the fact, but upon examination should so vary -and waver in his discourse, that he should give just cause -of suspition; they having agreed on this, and several -other particulars, and the money being deposited in a -young maidens hand, who was his Uncles Daughter; -he took horse and privately left the Town. The next -day the Officers of the Town being charged to keep -<span class='pageno' id='Page_209'>209</span>strict watch, and search all suspitious places; they did -so, and as they had been a little way out of the town, -and were returning our Adventurer overtook them; -who rides here says one, sure that man is cloathed just -as the Carrier described one of the Padders were? he -hearing them say this, made some stand, and offered -to turn his back, they therefore imagining that he -might be suspected, asked of him what he was? and -came near to encompass him, he still withdrawing -drew his pistol and fired at them, they then staring on -each other, and seeing that none of their company was -kill’d or wounded, were encouraged to make up to -him; and although he drew his sword yet they being -armed adventured upon him, and seizing on him, pull’d -him from his horse back, he then asked them, what -was the matter, and what they would have? they -told him that he was a high-way man, and that they were -very certain of, or else why did he shoot at them, and -were glad they had caught him, he should pay for all -the trouble he had put the Town to; some railed at -him in this manner, whilst others disarmed him and -bound his hands together, and then they led him -away to the Town, where with great noise they carried -him before their Justice of the peace; he strictly examined -him and absolutely charged him with the former -Robbery, advising him to confess, and inform against his -companions, and then he told him he would endeavour -to get him a pardon: our adventurer gave him the hearing -of all, but denyed all knowledge of the robbery, -but so faintly and with such faultering and uncertainties, -that the Justice committed him to prison. In few -dayes after the Carrier came that wayes, and he was -conducted to the Thief, were after a light sight and -discourse with him, he and his servant remembred -him, and the Owner of the money was sent for -who was also carried before the Justice; and there -<span class='pageno' id='Page_210'>210</span>he, the Carrier and his Servant were all bound to -prosecute the Felon, which was much in the vexation -of the owner of the moneys, who expected the -next assizes to have a tryal against the Town, and -to recover his money of them, whereas now he saw -he was like to lose that, and only have an Endictment -against the Felon, when as if he should find -him guilty, it would be a little satisfaction for such a -sum of money as he had lost. And as he expected, -and as the plot was laid, so it fell out; for the Assizes -being come, an Endictment was brought in against -our Delinquent, and although he buss’ld to defend -himself, yet he was found guilty, and then he made -an ingenious confession to the Judge of the manner -of the Robbery, only concealing as much as he thought -convenient, alleadging that indeed he was guilty, -but it was his first fact, but he was drawn in by -chance being overtaken on the way by the Robbers; -he being coming to the Town to visit his Unkle, and -therefore he pray’d mercy of the court, the Judge -told him that if he would discover his companions -somewhat might be done, but not else, he replyed, -that truly he was not in their company, above eight -and forty hours in all, and therefore knew not of -their haunts, but if his honor would spare his life he -would if ever he met them, cause them to be apprehended; -to this the Judge made no Answer, so that -our Adventurers Uncle presented a Petition to the -Judge in behalf of his Kins-man, and the other Chief -men of the Town pretending for his Unkles sake to -do so assisted him in it, and they drew the Petition so -pitifully, that the Judge at their importunity granted -him reprieve for the present, leaving him to sue out -his pardon as fast as he could: and thus all Parties -were content except the owner of the moneys, who went -away with a Flea in his ear: and our Adventurer so -<span class='pageno' id='Page_211'>211</span>plyed his business, wanting for neither money nor -friends, that in short time he gained his pardon, and -he was set free: and I will add this further of our companion, -that after this he turned honest man, for by -virtue of the money he had gained in this robbery, -and what was given him, he first set up an Ale-house, -and soon after an Inn, and hath born all -Offices in the Parish. And this story, said I, Mistress -<em>Dorothy</em>, somwhat resembles yours, for your Thieves -cheated the Country who paid the Knight what he -had lost, and here on the contrary, the Country outwitted -the Party rob’d, and saved their purses; and -truly I have known several of these transactions, and -sometimes the guilty escape, and the innocent are -punished. And now, continued I, Mistress <em>Dorothy</em>: -you see I am acquainted with these kind of stories -and as I have already related one of a Padder, which -do somwhat equal yours, I will now also tell you -another of a Pick-pocket, which shall be much like -yours of that nature, and thus it was.</p> - -<p class='c000'>A Crew of Blades of that Profession came to a -Countrey-town on a market day, and finding there -was little good to be done without some occasion to -draw the People together more than ordinary, they -therefore went to an Ale-house to consult on what -was necessary to be done, and there after several debates -held, it was concluded as follows, that whereas -they had lately taken up a boy of about ten years of -age, who was very desirous of learning their mystery, -and whereas they had instructed him sufficiently in -the theory thereof, that it was now time to put him in -practice, and therefore the gravest man in the company -was to walk out with him, shew him what he was to do -and help him if he stood in need thereof, and the rest -of the society were to be at hand to do as occasion should -<span class='pageno' id='Page_212'>212</span>offer; this being agreed upon, the old fellow took -the Boy by the hand, and leads him through the Market, -but there was no probabillity of a prize; and the -Boy having promised to do much, the old man sought -out for some what that might be worthy his undertaking, -and so going out of the market they entred the -Church-yard and there they saw an old woman with a -great pouch of mony by her side, kneeling by a Tomb-stone -and doing her devotions: Our old fellow seeing -this, said to the Boy, Sirrah, you see that old woman -with the Pouch; yes Sir, replyes the Boy, go thither -said he, and bring away her Purse and money; the -boy was not at all daunted at the boldness of the undertaking, -but went up to the woman, and so soon as -he came near her, he likewise fell on his knees, and -fell a mumbling as if he were also at his devotions; -the old woman seeing him so devout, permitted him -to <a id='corr212.18'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='continne'>continue</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_212.18'><ins class='correction' title='continne'>continue</ins></a></span> by her, but he putting down one of his -hands by virtue of a Knife and Horn-thimble cut -off her Purse: The old man stood not far off and saw -his carriage which was so cunningly contriv’d that -he could not forbear laughing at it, but bethinking -him of a further Design, he was resolved to discover -the Boy, whereupon stopping some passengers that -were going by, he said to them, I pray friends behold -yonder Boy how devout he is, do you not think he -will be a good one in time that is so religiously given -already? yes surely, said the people, Oh the cunningness -of the young Rogue! said the old fellow, and -how much you are all mistaken for I have stood -and seen that young Rogue cut the old womans -Purse, and thereupon he went to his young practitioner -in Roguery, and took him by the hand -causing him to arise, and bringing him to the -people, shewed them the Purse he had thus purchased; -the old woman was not so intent at her devotions, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_213'>213</span>but she casting her eyes aside likewise saw a -Purse in the Boys hand, missing her own soon knew -that to be it, wherefore she and all the people came -nearer the Boy, who stood still as a stock and said -nothing to them, and all the people, not only they -that went by, but also at their report most of the -people in the market came thither to see this young -Rogue, admiring at the boldness of the fact, but they -had been better to have staid away and minded their -own Affairs; for our old Rogue seeing his opportunity, -and that now there was a great many people -together, he fell a diving into their pockets, and got -good Pillage, and his Companions who were not far -off at the noise came in to the sport, and all laid -about them so lustily that there were few who escaped -without their pockets being pick’d, onely the old -woman had her purse again, but in exchange of that -our old Rogue and his Companions had twenty others -better fraught with moneys; in fine, they being weary -with looking on the boy, & the Pick-pockets thinking -they had done sufficiently for that time, the old -fellow came to the boy, and told him that as he had -first of all discovered him, so he should go along with -him; the boy who had learned obedience to his Superiors, -consented, and so they march’d off, and went -a little way out of the Town to an Ale-house, where -they divided the plunder of the field, which amounted -to above twenty pounds. And thus having told my -Tale, I said to Mistress <em>Dorothy</em> that I thought this -was somewhat like her discourse of the Pick-pockets. -She told me she must needs confess it, and that both -my Tales exceeded hers, and therefore she desired -me to remitt her promise of proceeding any further -in her discourse; for, said she, I shall be able to acquaint -you with nothing but what you know already; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_214'>214</span>as for that, said I, I must hear the conclusion of your -story, but since you seem to prove of what I have -told you, I shall proceed a little further, and relate -a Story to you somewhat like my first, and thus it -was.</p> - -<p class='c000'>A High-way-man who had used the Trade for a long -time, was at length catch’d, and the evidence was so -clear against him that he was likely to be cast, and -then he was sure to go to pot, for he had been singed -on the Fist already, and the Judge who was to try -him was very severe on that account; wherefore he -was very melancholly, and much perplexed, and all -the friends he had could not comfort him; however -he was one day drinking with some friends in the -Jayl, and telling them the sadness of his condition, -and several ways were propounded for his safety; -they told him that it would be best to compound the -fact with the Prosecutor; I have offered that, said the -Felon, and though I did not take above twenty -pounds from the party, yet I have offered him fifty -pound for composition if he will forbear prosecution; -but he will not hear of any thing but the Law, and -will make no end but what that shall, and if it comes -to that, then I am certain sorrow will be my Sops; -how, said one that was present, will he not take fifty -pounds for twenty? sure he wants no money, for if -he knew the want of it so much as I do, he would -not make so slight of fifty pounds; but I pray, continued -he, what is the reason he is so outragious -against you? what is the cause of his violent proceeding? -Truly, reply’d the Thief, it was my misfortune -to be one of those two that met with him -one night, and he having twenty pounds and a Watch -about him we eas’d him of them, my Companion -escaped, but I was seized the next night on suspition, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_215'>215</span>and having besides my share of the twenty pounds -the watch about me which we had likewise taken from -him, it was as he said, a clear Testimony & evidence -of the Fact, he earnestly enquired for the ring -which my companion had for his share; & because I -cannot help him to the ring he is thus obstinate, well -then, I see said the other, you have confess’d the fact, & -therefore there is no hope of saving you: truly replyed -the Padder, I never yet confessed it to any one that I -think will do me any prejudice, but much less to him; -but instead of confessing I have always stoutly denyed -it, alleadging that I bought the Watch that Evening of -one in whose company I was; nay then, replyed the -other, your case is not so desperate as I thought it, and -how say you now, continued he, are you willing to be -as good as your word, and give the fifty pounds you -speak of to be discharged of this matter? yes with all -my heart, said the Padder; well then said the other, -if you will deposite the money into another mans -hands that I may be sure of it when you are discharged -I will undertake you shall be acquited; content, said the -other, but I pray acquaint me with the manner how -you will manage this affair; our Undertaker replyed, -that he had considered of what was to be done, and -was resolved so he might be sure of the money, to venture -his own neck to save the others, and that he would -take upon him the fact, and thereby discharge him. -The Padder was content to part with his money, but -withal he desired to have some cleer demonstration how -he intended to manage the business; to which our undertaker -replyed, it must be your care not to be tryed -till the last day of the assizes, and then still deny the -fact very stoutly, continuing your allegation that you -did buy the Watch of a stranger, but one whom you -knew if you again should see him, and then I must borrow -<span class='pageno' id='Page_216'>216</span>your Clothes, and the Perriwig you wore when -you committed the Fact, and then I purpose at that -time not to be far from you; and when I see a convenient -time I wil appear, & the manner shal be thus: -I will attempt to pick a mans pocket, but I will do -it so unworkman like, that if he be not a very Dolt -he shall discover me, I being discovered must presently -be brought before the Judge for the Fact, -and when you see me there you shall cry out as -amazed and surprized, that I am the very man of -whom you bought the Watch, and you shall then -see that although I deny it a little at first, yet I will -at last confess my self guilty, and so you shall be -discharged: This, said our Undertaker is my proposition, -and now if you can contrive it better, do, and -I will follow your directions. The Padder and all -his friends were hugely well satisfied & pleased with -the Undertakers discourse, and could not find any -fault in any particular, wherefore their Agreement -was quickly perfected, and the fifty pounds were -delivered into the custody of one whom they both -knew and entrusted, to be kept by him until the -Padder should be discharged. Several persons then -present asked of the Undertaker how he intended -to come off himself? as for that, replyed he, I have -it in my head, and I will venture that, and keep it -safe enough too I hope: this business being thus -agreed on they at present parted, and the Undertaker -had the Clothes and Perriwig of the Padder -delivered to him; and the Padder did put himself -into a habit quite different from that; Thus Affairs -stood when the Assizes began, which lasted two -days, onely the first day was past, and our Padder -had by his endeavours kept himself from being -called; the second day was come and forenoon -<span class='pageno' id='Page_217'>217</span>past, when in the after-noon this Cause was to be -heard; the Judges servant were some of them gone -out of the Town to make provision for their Master -at another Town, whither he was that night to follow, -so that there was a necessity for his removal; -& then about three of the clock this prisoner was -brought to the bar, his Indictment was read, which -was for robing the Countrey-man, of 20l. in money, -and a silver watch, and a gold Ring, to this the prisoner -pleaded <em>not guilty</em> and so put himself upon his -tryal, according to the ordinary form; then was the -Countryman called, who did alledge that the prisoner -at the Bar was the party, who with another -his companion did rob him as aforesaid; the prisoner -denyed the fact, and desired the Judge to ask his -accuser what habit he was then in, to this the -Countrey-man replyed, that indeed his habit and -hair were then different from what he now had, but -that was an easie thing to alter, but he was sure he -was the man, for he had his very watch in his -pocket, to this the prisoner replyed as formerly, that -he bought it of a person who indeed was habited as -the Country-man had described. He was come to -this part of his tryal when a noise was heard in the -Court of crying out a pick-pocket, a pick-pocket, -and soon after our undertaker was haled into Court; -the Judge seeing him, said, Sirrah, how durst you be -so bold? I shall talk with you by and by, set him -by at present; the prisoner at the Bar seeing it was -now a fit time, cryed out, O my Lord! I pray let -him stay here now, for indeed my Lord that is the -very person of whom I bought the watch, and whose -just fate hath brought him hither at this time, that -my innocency may be cleared, therefore I beseech -you my Lord, let him be examined, and I question -not but you will soon find my innocency. The -<span class='pageno' id='Page_218'>218</span>Judge hearing the exclamations of the prisoner, and -supposing there might be somewhat in the case, and -withal being desirous to execute justice caused the -Undertaker to be brought to the bar, and then he -thus began: now, you who are the prisoner at the -bar, and upon your tryal, what do you say to, or -charge this man with; my Lord replyed the padder, -I say and alledge that this Person who now stands -here by me, is the very person of whom I bought -the watch, and I gave him fifty shillings for it, let -him deny it if he can, and my Lord I further say, -that I suppose he is the person who committed the -robbery, for he is habited just as this Country-man -described one of them to be: what say you to this: -said my Lord to the Country-man, truly my Lord, -said he, I am somewhat at a stand, for indeed one -of those who robb’d me was habited as this fellow -is, pointing to the undertaker, but I finding my -Watch in the custody of this other did verily believe -and was very confident that it was he that robb’d -me, but I must leave all to your Lord-ship and the -Jury: Now, you Sir, said my Lord to the undertaker, -what say you for your self? did you sell a -Watch to this man here? my Lord, replyed he, I -have never a Watch, no, I know that now, said my -Lord, but did you not sell a Watch to this man? -my Lord said the undertaker, I am an honest man, -that’s a sign of your honesty, when you pick a pocket -in my presence, my Lord it is a mistake, replyed the -Fellow; I believe, said my Lord, we shall not be -mistaken in you by and by, having thus said the -Watch it self was produc’d, and shew’d to the undertaker; -and he was asked if he knew it, yes, my -Lord, said he, I had such a watch as this; and where -had you it? I know not said the undertaker: at this -the Padder cryed out, O my Lord, he hath said -<span class='pageno' id='Page_219'>219</span>enough to discharge me and accuse himself, for he -ownes he had the Watch, and I am sure I bought it -of him, therefore good my Lord do me Justice? acquit -me, and punish him; all in due time said my Lord, -we must not condemn him before he be lawfully indicted, -but I think he hath confess’d enough against -himself, and therefore he shall be committed, and since -I cannot stay now any longer he shall be indicted the -next Assizes, till then he must lye by it and have time -to repent: but I pray my Lord, said the Padder, let -me be discharged; I cannot discharge you reply’d my -Lord, now you are upon your tryal, except the Jury -find you not guilty: I put myself upon them, said the -Padder, whereupon the Jury only asking the Undertaker -some questions which he doubtfully answered, -the Jury gave their Verdict, <em>Not guilty</em>, and thus was -the Padder discharged, but however he was bound to -come in evidence the next Assizes against the undertaker, -and so was the Country-man, but he had been -better to have taken fifty pounds than thus to have -troubled himself about the Ring, for in the end he lost -all, and no hanging was in the case; for when the -next Assizes came, and our Undertaker was indicted, -the Tale was now of another Hogg, he denyed all -knowledge of the Watch, and as he had owned any -thing before, he now again denyed it, bringing witnesses -to prove where he was at that hour, and all the -time of the robbery, and saying, he told them it was -a mistake the last time, that he was then only surprized; -and indeed he spake so well, and to the purpose, -that he was acquitted of the robbery, and only -whipt a little for picking the pocket, and so he march’d -off with fifty pounds; and the Padder who did not -appear at the Assizes as witness against him, let the -recognizance go against him, leaving the law to find -him where they could catch him.</p> - -<hr class='c007' /> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_220'>220</span> - <h2 class='c003'>CHAP. XVIII.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c008'><i>Mistress</i> Mary <i>relates a notable story of a Countrey-Gentleman’s -cheating a Gold smith; another much -more remarkable, of a Gentlemans Boy by assistance -of his Master, who put a notable trick on a Goldsmith: -afterwards going for</i> France, <i>is notoriously -robb’d by way of retaliation, the manner how, <a id='corr220.8'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='with with'>with</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_220.8'><ins class='correction' title='with with'>with</ins></a></span> -his accompanying a seeming Gallant to a -Feast who steals a piece of Plate.</i></p> - -<p class='c000'>Having now finished my discourse, I desired Mistress -<em>Dorothy</em> to proceed in hers, and put an -end to her Adventures, to which she replyed, that since -I was so well acquainted with these passages, and could -recount things so various and wittily-pleasant, which -far exceeded anything she could say, she desired to be -excused from any further recital; I told her I must -needs however, hear what she could further say, for -all she had hitherto said was various from what I had -related to her; and Mistress <em>Mary</em> likewise joyned -with me in this request, telling her that she must needs -proceed in her Narrative, for she longed to hear what -was the end of the Host, and Hostess, and how she left -them and came to <em>London</em>, and what else had hapned -to her till the first of their Acquaintance. Truly replyed -Mistress <em>Dorothy</em>, I shall give you satisfaction -to all these particulars; but methinks you were but -short in your Narrative and might have enlarg’d; and -since you did as I believe, omit many passages of your -Life that were considerable, I pray let us hear some -<span class='pageno' id='Page_221'>221</span>of them from you. I must confess, said Mistress <em>Mary</em>, -that in the recital I made you of my actions, I -only recounted to you those things which did pertain -to my own story, as thinking it impertinent to relate -any others; but if I had thought it pleasant, I -could likewise have told you of some such Robberies -and Cheates, as some of my acquaintance were -engag’d in. It is not too late to do it now, said I -to her; and seeing Mistress <em>Dorothy</em> is not yet pleased -to continue her story, I pray you therefore to let us -know some of your experience in this nature. I shall -not deny your request, replyed Mistress <em>Mary</em>, and -therefore after some little pause to recollect her self -of what she had to say; she thus began.</p> - -<p class='c000'>I must confess that I had several of my Customers -whilest I liv’d publickly at <em>London</em>, who although -they come to me full, return’d empty, and then necessity -put them upon unlawful courses, and when -they could not live of themselves, then they liv’d by -shirking upon others; this was their first step, and -when this would not do, and they began to be angry -and discontented that they could not wear money -in their pockets, they then fell to gameing, and all -the Cheats of that Mystery were put in practice; -when that course left them, the next was to pick -pockets, steal Cloaks, and a hundred such kinde of -shirking tricks, till from one degree to another they -came to the high pad, and from thence to the Goal, -and so to the Gibbet; many I say, of my acquaintance -did run through all these Courses, and beginning, -as they say, with a pin, proceeded to a point, -and so to a biggar thing, till the rope held them; -but I alwayes made it my business to leave them -off when they began these Courses. Among others -that came to me, I had a Country Gentleman who -designing to deal honestly with a shop-keeper, had -<span class='pageno' id='Page_222'>222</span>occasion to out-wit him, who intended to cheat the -Country-man. The Countrey Gentleman when he -came to me had his Pockets well lined with Half-Crown -Pieces, but he loving his pleasure I made -him pay for it so considerably, that his Pocket was -well near emptied: he had twenty Pieces of Gold -and several Rings, part of which I design’d to be -Mistress of, but he was to wise and wary to part -from any such precious Commodities: but an urgent -occasion happening, and mony being wanting, he -was resolved to sell a Diamond Ring that he had, -which was worth fifty pounds, wherefore he keeping -a Servant took him along, and to <em>Lombard-street</em> -they went, when he came there, pitch’d upon a Goldsmiths -Shop where he intended to sell it; he therefore -drew off his Ring, and ask’d the Goldsmith -what it was worth? The Goldsmith looking on him, -and then on the Ring, did hope to make this Ring -his own for a small matter; and seeing our Countrey-man -in a plain Countrey Habit, did believe that he -had little skill in Diamonds, and that this came accidentally -to his possession, and that he might purchase -it very easily, wherefore he being doubtful -what to answer as to Price, told the Countrey-man -that the worth of it was uncertain, for he could not -directly tell whether it was right, or counterfeit; As -for that, said the Countrey-man, I believe it is right, -and dare warrant it, and indeed I intend to sell it, -and therefore would know what you will give me -for it: Truly, replyed the Goldsmith, I believe it -may be worth ten pounds; Yes, and more money, -said the Countrey-man; Not much more, said the -Goldsmith, for look you here, said he, here is a -Ring which I will warrant is much better than -yours, and I will also warrant it to be a right good -diamond, and I will sell it you for twenty pounds: -<span class='pageno' id='Page_223'>223</span>This the Goldsmith said, supposing that the Countrey-man -who came to sell, had no skill, inclination, -nor money to buy; but the Countrey-man believing -that the Goldsmith onely said thus, thinking to draw -him on to part from his own Ring the more easily, -and by that means cheat him, resolv’d if he could, -to be too wise for the Goldsmith; wherefore taking -both the Rings into his hands as to compare them -together, he thus said: I am sure mine is a right -Diamond: and so is mine, reply’d the Goldsmith: -and said the Countrey-man, shall I have it for -twenty pounds? Yes, reply’d the Goldsmith; but -said he, I suppose you come to sell, and not to buy; -and since you shall see I will be a good Customer, I -will give you fifteen pounds for yours. Nay reply’d -the Countrey-man, since I have had my choice to -by or sell, I will never refuse a good Penny-worth, -as I think this is, therefore Master Goldsmith, I will -keep my own and give you money for yours: -Where is it? said the Goldsmith hastily, and endeavouring -then to seize on his Ring; Hold a blow -there, said the Countrey-man, here’s your money, -but the Ring I will keep. The Goldsmith seeing -himself caught, flustered and flounced like a mad -man, and the Countrey-man pulling out a little -Purse, told down twenty Pieces of Gold, & said, -Here Shop-keeper, here’s your money; but I hope -you will allow me eighteen pence a piece in exchange -for my Gold. Tell not me of exchange, -but give me my Ring, said the Goldsmith: It is -mine, said the Countrey-man, for I have bought it -and paid for it, and have witness of my Bargain. All -this would not serve the Goldsmith’s turn, but he curs’d -& swore that the Countrey-man came to cheat him, & -his ring he would have; & at the noise several people -came about his Shop, but he was so perplexed that he -<span class='pageno' id='Page_224'>224</span>could not tell his Tale, and the Countrey-Gentleman -could; at length a Constable came, and although the -Goldsmith knew not to what purpose, yet before a -Justice he would go: the Countrey-man was content, -and therefore together they went; when they -came there, the Goldsmith who was the plaintiff, -began his Tale, and said, that the Countrey-man -had taken a Diamond Ring from him worth one hundred -pounds; and would give him but twenty pounds -for it, have a care what you say, reply’d the Country-man; -for if you charge me with taking a ring -from you, I suppose that is stealing; and if you say -so, I shall vex you farther than I have done, and -then he told the Justice the whole story as I have -related, which was then a very plain case, & for -proof of the matter, the Countrey-Gentleman’s man -was witness. The Goldsmith hearing this, alleadged, -that he believed the Countrey Gentleman and his -man were both Impostors and Cheats: to this the -Countrey-man reply’d as before, that he were best -have a care he did not make his case worse, and -bring an old house on his head by slandering of -him, for it was well known that he was a Gentle-man -of three hundred pounds <em>per Annum</em>, and liv’d at a -place he nam’d but twenty miles from <em>London</em>; and -that he being desirous to sell a ring, came to his shop -to that purpose, but he would have cheated him; but -it prov’d he only made a rod for his own breech, and -what he intended to him, was fallen upon himself: -thus did the Country Gentleman make good his -discourse, and the Justice seeing there was no injustice -done, dismiss’d them; but order’d that his Neighbour -the Goldsmith should have the twenty pieces of Gold -for twenty pounds, though they were worth more in -exchange; and this was all the satisfaction he had. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_225'>225</span>The Country Gentleman went presently to a Citizen, -an acquaintance of his, to whom he deliver’d the -ring he had so purchased, desiring him to sell it for -him which he did; for being known to be a Citizen, -the Goldsmith that bought it offered him at the first -word Ninety five pounds for it, and in the end gave -him forty shillings more, with which money he returned -to the Countrey-man, and he giving him the -forty shillings for his pains, returned with the rest -to me, relating all the matter as it had passed. I -was as much pleas’d as he, because I question’d not -but I should partake with him, and so I did; for he -gave me ten pound to buy me a Gown; and thus -was our Goldsmith well enough serv’d. And it was -not long after, before another Goldsmith had a considerable -loss, and thus it was.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Amongst the other Customers that came to me, -there was a Gentleman, a Blade of fortune, who although -he was of a good Family, yet being a younger -Brother, had but little besides his wits to live upon; -but as he was a Gentleman, so kept himself in a -Garb according to his Quality, and had a foot boy in -a Livery to attend him: this boy was a notable young -Rogue, and had assisted his Master in many an exploit, -and was privy to most of his secrets: this -young man (continued Mistress <em>Mary</em>) coming to -visit me, and we falling into discourses of wit, I related -to him the adventure of the Countrey-Gentleman -with the Goldsmith; he was much pleased -with the relation, and told me the Goldsmith was -well enough served, and that above all trades, -he had a greater picque or anger against them -than any; for (said he) it grieves me to the heart -to walk through <em>Cheapside</em> or <em>Lombard-street</em>, with -little or no moneyes in my pocket, and see so -much jingling of money in their Shops, and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_226'>226</span>so great a quantity of <em>Jacobus’es</em> and other Gold, -either lying in their Glass-cases, or telling on the -Compters, and methinks when I see it my fingers -itch to be handling of some of them; but I believe -if a Gentleman should starve they would not part -from any without very good Security; but (said he) -I have now thought upon a way how to get some of -them without much hazard; and I being desirous -to know, he told me thus: my boy and I will walk -along; and Sirrah, said he to the boy, when I make -a small stop, do you go into the Goldsmiths Shop -where you shall see them telling of money; and laying -your hand upon a heap, catch up a handful, but -so soon as you have taken it up, let it fall down -again and leave it where you had it, and come after -me and leave the rest to my management; the boy -promis’d to do as he was directed: but, said I, what -advantage can you make by your boys handling of -money and leaving it behind him? as for that, said -he, I question not before I have done I shall make -a good business of it, and thereupon he left me, and -went immediatly to put this his project in execution; -he returned that evening and told me all was -well yet, and it would be better in time: I desired -to know his meaning, whereupon he told me, that -according to his appointment the boy went into the -Goldsmiths shop, took up a handful of money, laid -it all down again and ran away to him, that he was -no sooner come to him, but the Goldsmiths Servants -were at his heels, that he looking about and seeing -them, ask’d what the matter was? they reply’d, -his boy had stollen some money: he answer’d he -knew it was false, they said it was true; and he -should go back with them to their Master: the boy -was content, and so was the Master, when coming to -the Shop, the Goldsmith himself said that that Boy, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_227'>227</span>if he were his, had robb’d him. The Boy and his -Master both denyed it, and they fell to hot words, -so that the Goldsmith call’d me (said the Gentleman) -Shirking Fellow, and that he would have me sent -to <em>Newgate</em> for robbing him: for if the boy did it, -it was by my appointment: I (said the Gentleman) -told him that he did abuse me, and that in conclusion -must, and should pay for it: but first I desired -to know with what Sum they charged the boy; -they said they knew not, but that he had taken -money from a heap which they were telling of, -which heap was a hundred pounds; hearing them -say thus, I told them I would stay the telling of it, -and then they might judge who had the abuse: they -were content with it, and accordingly went to telling: -half an hour had dispatched that matter, and -then they found that they had all their money right -to a farthing. The Goldsmith seeing this, asked my -pardon for the affront: for, said he, it is a mistake: -I answer’d, that he must pay for his prating, and -that I was a Person of that quality that would not -put up the affront, and that he must hear further -from me; he seeing me so hot, was as chollerick as -I, and so we parted, and thus far (said he) I have -proceeded. But all this while (said I) I do not see -where is your gain: that is to come, said he, and so -it was, and did come in, and that considerably too; -for the next day he caused the Goldsmith to be arrested -in an action of Defamation, and the Sergeant -who arrested him being well fee’d by the Gentleman, -told the Goldsmith that he were best to compound -the matter, for the Gentleman was a Person of Quality, -and would not put it up, but make him pay -soundly for it, if he proceeded any further. The -Goldsmith being desirous of quiet harkned to his -counsel, and agreed to give 10<em>l.</em> but that would not -<span class='pageno' id='Page_228'>228</span>be taken; but twenty pounds was given to the Gentleman, -and so the business was made up for the -present. Our Gentleman who had some of the -Goldsmiths money, was resolv’d to have more, or -venture hard for it; wherefore having again given -instructions to his Boy <a id='corr228.6'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='what do'>what to do</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_228.6'><ins class='correction' title='what do'>what to do</ins></a></span>, he made several -Journeys to the Goldsmiths, walking by his door to -watch an opportunity, at length he found one; for -he seeing the Servants telling of a considerable -quantity of Gold; he gave the sign to his Boy, who -presently went in and clapping his hand on the -heap, took up and brought away a full handful, and -coming to his Master gave it him; neither did the -Boy make such haste out of the Shop, but that he -could hear a stranger who was in the Shop receiving -money, say to the Apprentice, why do you not stop -the Boy? no, said the Apprentice, I do not mean it, -I know him well enough, my Master paid Sauce -lately for stopping him; and so they continued telling -their money, which I am sure did not fall out -so right as formerly; for that evening the Master -and Boy both came to my lodging, and not only -told me how they had sped, but I saw the effects -of their enterprize; for this young rogue had brought -off with him between forty and fifty brave -yellow pieces; we all three rejoyced at our good -fortune, for I was concerned, having five pieces of -it given to me, I then told the Gentleman that he -had run a very great hazard, and that I did not -think he had practis’d these tricks; no truly, -replyed he, this is the first I ever did in <em>England</em>, -but I have been abroad in <em>France</em> and other -Countreys, where I was acquainted with rare -ingenious fellows at these tricks, and they had -notable inventions to get moneys; and sometimes -I would put in as a Party with them, and -from them it was that I learned this confidence: I -<span class='pageno' id='Page_229'>229</span>then desired him to relate to me some of his practises -in those Countreys, he soon granted my request, and -began as followeth.</p> - -<p class='c000'>I had not been long in <em>Paris</em> but I had some tricks -put upon me; the first was this, I endeavoured to appear -brave, made a rich Sute and Cloak, and with this -strutted about the streets to shew my self, hoping and -expecting that some <em>French</em> Madam or other would -fall in love with me, but instead of that, some of these -Gentlemen <em>Divers</em> fell in love with my Cloak, and -were resolved to have it, wherefore they watched me -one evening and as it growing late I was going home -to my Quarters passing through a blind Lane where -was nothing but back doors of Gentlemens stables; -three fellows seized on me, one dives into my pockets, -whence he fish’d out all the little money I had about -me, which amounted to above thirty shillings <em>English</em>, -another draws his knife and cuts the Neck-button of -my Cloak, and the third takes off my hat; I had not -lost all my spirits, so that I told them they did very -uncivily by me to take away my hat, and leave me to -walk without one; they begun to swear at me and -forc’d me to entreat for my hat, and withal considering -that the loss of my Cloak would spoil my Suit, I -told them that I hoped as they were Gentlemen, so -they would hear reason, and offered if they would -put any price upon the Cloak I would redeem it; they -thinking money would do them more good than the -Cloak, told me that if I would give them five pounds, -I should have it: the Cloak stood me in ten pounds, -and therefore I was resolved to give them five pounds, -therefore I desired them to name the place and time -when I should meet them with the money; they answered -me the next evening about that time, and in -a place there adjoyning in the street; but they told me -<span class='pageno' id='Page_230'>230</span>that if I thought by that appointment to bring any -with me to catch them, that then they would mischief -me; I promis’d them that I would not, and so -we departed, but withal they were so civil as to give -me my Hat along with me; I went home to my Lodging, -and though I was vexed at my misfortune, yet I -was forced to rest with patience till the next evening -when putting the promis’d money in my pocket, went -at the time to the place appointed; I had not staid -there long but I heard the noise of a Coach, and on -a sudden two men came out at the boot, and seising -on me muffled me in one of their Cloaks and put -me into the Coach; this done, the Coach-man did -drive on apace, and I was in but bad taking to think -what a case I was in, and did verily believe that those -fellows who had the last night taken my money and -Cloak from me, had now a Design upon my life, and -therefore were come themselves, or had sent some of -their Companions, to rob and kill me, I had not -continued long in these thoughts but the coach stopt, -and I was taken out of it, and being carried into a -Court-yard, was unmuffled, and led into a great Hall, -where I was met by those three who had the night -before Dis-cloak’d me; they told me I was wel-come, -and that what had been done to me that evening -was only to prevent their being out-witted and discovered -by me, and withal, as I was a stranger, to -treat and entertain me amongst them; I hearing -that it was no worse Pluck’d up my Spirits and answer’d -them, that I was resolv’d to be in every thing -as good as my word, and therefore came alone to -the place appointed, and had brought my money -with me; they then led me through the Hall into -an adjoyning Wardrobe which was full of Cloaks, -Gowns, Hatts, Swords, and all such kind of Habiliments, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_231'>231</span>and among the rest I saw my Cloak, wherefore -I told out the money and took my Cloak, put -it on, and went into the Hall amongst them, there -I was welcomed by several of the Gang and they -had women amongst them, who all looked on me with -a cheerful countenance, & treated me very civily. -This they all desired of me that if I intended their -friendship and my own safety, I must not take any -notice of them before any company, or if I met them -abroad; I promis’d to perform this Injunction, and -so we went to supper, after that to dancing, and spent -three or four hours in very pleasant manner, and -then several of them departing I thought it was time -for me to do so too, but I believed it would be convenient -to ask leave before I went; wherefore I told -those whom I best knew, that I was amind if they -pleas’d, to go home; they told me that I might do -so, but it must be in the same manner as I came; I -consented to it, and two of them going into the Coach -with me, hid my face for a short space, and then let -me see; but I quickly perceived that I had gone -through several By-lanes and passages, and at length -came to the place where I had been taken up, and -there they set me down, and the Coachman whirling -about left me in a moment; I therefore went -the ready way home to my Lodging, where I went -to bed and consulted with my self about this Adventure, -not having known or heard of the like; but it -was not many days before I was engaged in another -which was as strange as the former. Although I was -in a strange Countrey, yet I had some acquaintance -whom I visited sometimes; One day being solitary -a walking, I met with one of these of my acquaintance, -he saluted me very courteously, and told me -he supposed I was minded to break off the friendship -<span class='pageno' id='Page_232'>232</span>we had lately contracted because I had been so -great a stranger at his house: I replyed, that I intended -suddenly to give him a visit; I pray then, -Sir, said he, let it be to morrow, the sooner the better, -for I have a great desire to converse with you; -and Sir, said he, if you have any friend bring him -with you, and for your sake he shall be as welcome -as your self; I replyed, it was very likely that I -should wait upon him, and thus we parted: I remember -since that about the time I met this friend, -I was overtaken by a gentile fellow, who had followed -me like my shaddow, and during the time of -this converse he waited as I did, and now I being -parted from my friend, and having walked a little -faster than before, I had dropt my Gentleman who -sauntred behind. The next day about the time that -mortals whet their Knives on Thresholds, and Shooe-soles, -I prepared to go to dinner to my friends, and -again by the way I was accosted by this gentile -fellow, who had the day before followed me, and -now he did so again; and when I came to my -friends house and entred, there he did so too, and -with as much confidence as if he had been of great -acquaintance with the Inviter; he sate down among -other Guests that were there, Dinner was soon after -brought in, and there being several Guests much -victuals, and much variety was served at the Table, -my strange Gentleman did eat as heartily and talk -as boldly as any there, and I thought him to be -one of the Inviters acquaintance, and he supposed -he was my friend which I had brought with me; -but he proved to be very no good friend to the man -of the house, for waiting his opportunity he went to -the Cupboards head which stood in a convenient -place, and clapping a piece of plate worth ten -<span class='pageno' id='Page_233'>233</span>pounds under his Cloak, he walked off <em>incognito</em>. -I soon after missed him, and my friend missed my -friend as he told me, but it was not much longer -e’re the Plate was missing, and although private -search was made, yet it was not found, and our -friend being gone, the Inviter missing none of the -Guests but him, asked me for him, but when I told -him he was no friend nor acquaintance of mine, he -soon knew which way his Plate went. Thus (said he) -he thinking him to be my friend, and I thinking him -to be his, this fellow had the conveniency of doing -this injury; but, continued he, I soon understood -that it was a usual matter to play such pranks and -that more considerable, and that withal a very bold -confidence, unusual with other Nations, and upon -second thoughts I remember I had seen this fellow -among those who had my Cloak, but it was too -late now to remember it, and it had been unsafe -then to have taken any notice of him, remembring -the Charge had been given me.</p> - -<hr class='c007' /> - -<div class='figcenter id007'> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_234'>234</span> -<img src='images/i_234fp.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' /> -</div> - -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c003'>CHAP. XIX.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c008'><i>Two notorious Rogues robb’d a Church by the help of -two Fryers habits they had murther’d; afterwards -they robb’d a Merchant of Silks, Plate, &c. By a -notable stratagem they laid for the purpose in an Inn -next adjacent, they ransack’d a Linnen-drapers Shop -in the night by conveying a boy into it being enclos’d -within a supposed Bayl of Goods, who proved the -Key to let them in to perfect their design; by counterfeiting -a Gentlemans key, they stole from him six -hundred Crowns, and murdering him flead his face -that he might not be known, but were notwithstanding -by a miraculous providence discovered and executed, -who being penitent at their death, confest many -notorious villanies. A notable trick a Gentleman -puts upon a Pick pocket.</i></p> - -<p class='c004'>Thus (continued Mistress <em>Mary</em>) did this Gentleman -finish his two stories of the Cloak, and the -piece of Plate. I told him I wondered at the boldness -of those <em>French men</em>, and that they exceeded our -Countrey men in confidence; yes, (said he) if you -knew so much as I, you would have reason to say so, -for it is a usual thing for them to seize Gentlemen if -they can light upon them in any convenient place: and -carry them some miles out of the Town, and make -them pay money for a ransom, neither dare they contradict -it lest worse befal them, and they are bloodily -minded, for if they cannot get money, they will do any -murder. Not far from <em>Paris</em>, continued he, two of -these Rogues had been hunting for Prey, and because -they could not meet with any purchase, they were -resolved rather than fail to commit some murder; -the next that met them were two Fryers, these having -no money to redeem their lives they dispatched -into the other world, and having so done, they stript -them; and put on their Fryers weeds; being thus -habited they march’d further into the Country, and -coming late to a Countrey-town, went to the Parsons -house, who entertained them; as they came in -late, so they went out early, pretending necessary occasions, -and the Parson not being up nor willing to -rise so soon, they desired the Key of the Church -(which was adjoyning to the house) that they might -go it to do their devotions before they went? the -Key was accordingly delivered, and they went in, but -instead of saying their prayers, they made a prey of -what they met with, the silver Chalices, and all the -Ornaments of the Church they took with them, and -so went on their wayes to do more mischief, but not -having the conveniency to execute their designs in the -habit they were in, they therefore went to the place -where they had hid their own, and there putting -them on, they march’d to <em>Paris</em>, where they walked -about the City to espy what mischief might be done; -being now both weary, hungry, and thirsty, they went -into a drinking house, which being full of Guests -below, they were conducted up one pair of stairs, and -there they had both victuals and drink such as they -desired, when their bellies were full, their eyes did -wander about the Room, to see if they might espy -any thing to make a purchase of; but although they -could see nothing in that room, yet they could discern -that in the house opposite to them, there was much -rich Goods, fine Silks, and Sattins; their fingers itch’d -to be handling of them, but at present they knew -<span class='pageno' id='Page_235'>235</span>not how, however resolving that they would attempt -it, but not finding any means how at present -to do it, they therefore were resolved to try if they -could take up their Quarters at the house they -were drinking in, and then they did not question -but they should in short time find out some means -to execute their Design, having taken this resolution, -they therefore call’d for more drink, and -their Landlords company, and being frolick, and -expensive, that they might be accounted good Guests, -they asked of the Landlord whether they might not -have a Lodging there? he believing it would be to his -profit, told them they might, but they must lodge -one pair of Stairs higher; they were well enough content -with that, and therefore drank on till it was -night, and then to bed they went; and laid their plot -how to rob this Merchants house, which they did in -few days after: In order to which Design of theirs, -they went out and purchased Ropes, and a Pully, -and seeing a large Chest to be sold at the second hand, -they likewise bought that, and putting in their Ropes -and Pully, and a great quantity of Raggs and stones, -and such like Trash, that it might seem heavy, they -caused it to be carried to their Lodging: Their Host -seeing so large a Chest, and so heavy, did believe that -his Guests were rich, and that a considerable quantity -of Treasure was therein enclosed, and therefore -gave them a greater respect than formerly. They -every day when they went out, carried out part of -the Rubbish which they had bestowed in the Chest, -so that in short time it was empty, or at least, nothing -but the Ropes and Pully was in it: They only -now waited for a convenient opportunity to execute -their design, which they considered must be done -when both the houses, as well that where they lodged, -as the Merchants house they intended to rob, were -<span class='pageno' id='Page_236'>236</span>empty; and no day was so likely to leave them so, -as a Sunday; wherefore that they might have the -better pretence for staying at home, they both pretended -some indisposition in their bodyes, for which -they said they thought it convenient to take Physick, -they had been so good Guests to the house, that the -Host was willing to accommodate them in anything; -however, when he and his Family went to Church, -they lock’d the Street-door: No sooner was that -house clear, but they were resolved to attempt the -other, and knowing that the Master and Mistress, -and most, if not all the Family, was likewise gone out, -they were resolved to kill the rest, if they found any -single person that should oppose them: They intended -to make their way into the house by going -down the chimny, and therefore they had provided -Ropes and a Pully, and there was no great difficulty -to get to the house top, for they ascended to the -Garret of their Landlords house, got out of the window -to the top of that, and the other house joyning to -that, to the street side, they soon got to the Chimny -they intended to descend. The house where they -lodged, and this Merchants house were joyned together -in the Front, but backwards there was an -Ally of about six foot wide that seperated them, and -a cross this Ally it was that they first saw the Room -wherein the Silks were placed; they being gotten -to the Chimny’s top, laid a piece of Timber across, -and fastening their Pully to that, and putting their -Rope in the Pully, the one who was to descend the -Chimny, took hold of one end of the Rope; and his -companion holding another part of the Rope, by -degrees he was let down into the Room he desired: -It was two pair of stairs below the Garret, and in -regard the Silk might be soild and spoil’d if they -were drawn up the chimny, they did not take that -<span class='pageno' id='Page_237'>237</span>course but a more easie one, for he that was on the -house top, went into their lodging the same way he -came up, and going down into the Chamber that was -even with, and opposite to that where his Companion -was, he opened a Casement, and his Companion doing -the like, they could without much difficulty reach -to one another, and so in short time the richest, and -best of the Merchants Silk was conveyed into their -Quarters. Our Thieves seeing they had gained this -prize with so little danger and difficulty, were resolved -to get more if they could; and therefore he -that was in the house ransack’d it all over, and finding -a considerable quantity of Plate and money, he -likewise conveyed it to his Companion; and now having -done all this, he went into the Shop, intending -to leave the street door open, that the Merchant when -he came home might suppose that the thieves who -had robb’d him did come in that ways, but the street -door was double lock’d, and therefore it could not -be opened, wherefore he undid the bolts of one of -the Shop windows, and leaving it loosely open, he -went up agen, and telling his Companion what he -had done, and that there was no more to be done, he -ordered him to go to the house top, and as he had -assisted in letting him down the Chimny, so to help -to draw him up, which the other did accordingly. -There was one scruple came into their minds, that -although the Shop-window was opened, and the Merchant -might reasonably enough imagine that the -Thieves who had robb’d him, had come in that way, -yet they were very sensible, that with descending and -ascending the Chimny they had thrown down much -soot, which might cause a jealousie, that they who -robb’d the house might come in that way, and so they -might be discover’d; wherefore to prevent all such -<span class='pageno' id='Page_238'>238</span>suspition as much as they could, they tumbled down -two or three Brick-batts that lay on the top of the -Chimny, which might be supposed to be blown down -by the wind; and having thus done they retired to -their Quarters, disposing all their Silks, Money, and -Plate unto their Chest, and that there might be the less -suspition of them, the Landlord soon returning, one -of them pretending to be very ill, and the other very -dilligent in attending his Companion; their Landlord -furnished them with strong waters, and such other -cordials as were at hand; and the Merchant coming -home found his Shop-window open, and his house -robb’d, it being so apparent as he thought that the -Robbers came in, or went out at the Shop-windows; -he had no suspition of any other contrivance, all that -he could do, was, to have all suspitious places search’d, -his neighbours house escaped, being too near home -to be suspected: the host only thinking he had escap’d -a danger being so near, and telling them that -it was not good to leave a house empty, and although -all his folks went with him to Church, yet he had -left two honest Guests in his house, and besides they -were locked in fast enough. Thus, continued the -Gentleman, was this Robbery committed, and they -who were guilty went away unsuspected. The next -day they conveyed part of their purchase away to a -place where they hid all their prizes, and by degrees -getting the most part away, they continued not long -in those Quarters, but made another Remove. These -fellows were notable cunning Rascals, and had so -many ways to bring in Purchases, that they gathered -much goods together, but covetous of more still -attempted further Projects, till in the end they were -caught and deservedly punished.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The next Project they had (said the Gentleman) -<span class='pageno' id='Page_239'>239</span>was this, they had a boy who oftentimes served and -assisted them in their undertaking, and he was now -very useful; for one day intending to steal, they pretended -to buy some Linnen cloath; and a conceit coming -into their heads, they did buy some considerable -quantity; they left it at the Drapers where they -bought it, paying a small matter of money in part at -present, promising to come the next day and fetch it -away, and pay the rest of the money: the next day -they came and brought a Porter with them loaden -with a Bayl made up, as they said, of Woollen-cloath -which they said they had bought, and intending to send -that, and what they had bought of him into the Countrey, -the Carrier was gone before they came, and -therefore they could not send away either till the next -day; when, they said, another Carrier was to go to -the place they intended to send to; and therefore they -desired the Shop-keeper to let them leave that Bayl of -Cloth in his Shop till the next day, when they intended -to fetch them both. They having been Customers -to the Shop, he did not refuse them so small a -courtesie, but permitted them to set it in a convenient -place in the Shop; but his entertaining of that Bayl -of Cloth, was almost as fatal to him as the <em>Trojans</em> entertainment -of the wooden-horse; for at midnight -when the Draper was asleep, these Rogues were wakeful, -and having conveyed this Roguish Boy I told you -of, into this Bayl, which they pretended was Cloth, -he taking out his Knife cut his way through, so that -he came out the Bayl, and not finding the Key of the -Shop-door, he opened the Shop-windows and did let -in his two Masters, who waited there for that purpose; -they being within the Shop were not idle, but having -seen by day-light where the finest Cloth was plac’d -they now removed it, and breaking open a Desk -<span class='pageno' id='Page_240'>240</span>wherein they had observed the Draper did put his -money, there they found four hundred <em>French</em> Crowns, -so taking that money, and as much of the finest Cloth -as they could carry, they march’d off; neither did -the boy stay behinde, but leaving an empty Bayl -covered with Canvas, and stuff’d round about with -Cotton, he also loading himself, went with his masters, -the same way he had let them in, and so they -carried this purchase to the rest. The next morning -the Draper, and his Servants were soon sensible of -the Robbery, and seeing the hole cut in the Bayl, -they quickly discovered the manner how, but it was -such a Novelty as had not been heard of; and he -was forced to rest himself contented with his loss, for -notwithstanding all his endeavours, he could not for -the present hear of his Customers, who indeed were -safe enough in their Quarters. These Rogues who -now had money enough put themselves in a gentle -habit, and kept company with the best, but still they -waited to do all the mischief they could, and to that -end they ingratiated themselves into the company of -Countrey Gentlemen, such as were best acquainted -with the Customs and Humors of the Town; many -they met with, and few escaped them, but that they -either got them into play, cheated them, or pick’d -their pockets or made some other prize of them: -Among others they met with a young Country-Gentleman, -who had been unfortunate enough already, -for he having had a quarrel about a mistress, and -fighting with his Rival, had the Fortune, or Misfortune -rather, to kill him; Divine vengeance seldom -misses to pursue, and overtake those who are guilty -of murther; & although these kind of murthers, -which are the most excusable, being as they term -them, fairly done, pass rather for pieces of gallantry -<span class='pageno' id='Page_241'>241</span>than otherwise; yet some great misfortune always -attends them, as I have observ’d by several Precedents, -but more especially by this Gentlemans misfortunes; -for no sooner had he made his Enemy to -fall in the place where they had fought, but he was -forc’d to fly away for his own safety, doubting else -he might fall in to the hands of Justice; he therefore -with all speed retired to a place, six miles from thence, -where he had fought, to a friends house, and not thinking -himself safe, being there provided with money -enough for a long journey, he travelled on towards -<em>Paris</em>, being a place whose large Circuit, and number -of inhabitants might hide him from all pursuers; in -his way thither he was met by Thieves, who attempted -to rob him, but they being but two and he valliant -enough, as he thought to oppose them, drew and -defended himself, he here likewise had the fortune to -cause one of them to drop down by him, which the -other seeing, fled, but not so far but that he soon -returned with three more in his company; The Gentleman -seeing this, and doubting that now he should -not onely be robb’d of what he had, but also believing -that they would kill him to revenge their fellow; -he therefore takes one Purse of money and threw it -into a Hedge near him, hopeing that if he did escape, -he might have that for a reserve. By this time the -thieves were come up to him, and all drew upon -him, he (knowing that odds did overcome <em>Hercules</em> -and might do him) therefore told them, that if it -were his mony they wanted, he would deliver it to -them; although they were very angry for the loss of -their Companion, yet it being money that they came -for, they accepted of that; he giving them another -Purse of money which he had about him; but in regard -they had suffered so great a loss as the death of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_242'>242</span>one of their Companions, they stripp’d, and ty’d our -young Gentleman, and taking away their Companion -with them, they departed. He lay not long there -but was unty’d, and reliev’d by some Passengers, who -furnished him with an old Coat, and he taking up his -Purse of money, where he had laid it, went along with -them to the next Town; there he furnished himself -with Cloaths, and so travelled on towards <em>Paris</em>; but -before he came thither, he was again met with by -Thieves, who then robb’d him of all his money; so -that when he came into the City he was in a sad condition, -being a Stranger, moneyless, and friendless: -however these last Thieves being so civil as to leave -him his Cloaths, he took a lodging in a convenient -place of the Town, and presently sent away to his -friends, acquainting them with his misfortunes, and -desiring them to send him more money: Although it -was a great way he had to send, yet in a little time -he received an answer according to his expectations, -and although till then he was forc’d to run on the -Score, and keep house, yet now he honestly paid his -Host, and putting himself in a very good Garb, he -now went abroad, & light into the company of our -two thievish Rogues who dealt Roguishly with him; -for perceiving him to be a stranger, they took him -up, and became his companions; and that they might -be able to do him the more mischief, they so far ingratiated -themselves into his company, as to take a -lodging where he lay, and then finding that he was -pretty well furnished with moneys, they tryed several -ways to get it from him, they tempted him to -gameing, but he was not guilty of that hazardous -vanity, and would not play; he carried but little -money in his pocket, but he left the rest in his Trunk -which was also lock’d up in his Chamber; and the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_243'>243</span>Landlord of the house being an honest man, was very -careful of it; however they were resolved to be Masters -of it by one means or other: but they delayed -it a while longer by an occasion that fell out; he had -written for more moneys, intending to pass from -<em>France</em> into the Low-countreys; and thereupon a -Letter came one day to his hands, which acquainted -him, that within fourteen days he might receive six -hundred Crowns of a Merchant in <em>Paris</em>, to whom a -Bill of Exchange was directed; this Letter he dropt -by accident, and one of these Rogues met with and -read it, but knowing that it would advantage him -nothing to keep it, he soon gave it to the owner. -He acquainted his Companion with the News, and -how he did believe that the Gentleman would, when -he received that money, bring it home to his Lodging, -wherefore they would stay until that time & -then they would rob him of it all; this resolution they -both continued in, and that he might not distrust -them in any particular, they kept him company -very much, seldom permitting him to be in any other -company; they also carried him abroad with them to -several of their friends, who treated him very well for -their sakes: In the mean time, they being often with -him in his Chamber, one of them took the Key out -of his Chamber-door, and making an impression of -it upon Wax, put it in there again; his Companion -keeping our Gentleman company in the mean time: -The fourteen days being come, he went and received -his money, and bringing it home lock’d it up in his -Trunk; And now being furnished with money, he was -resolv’d to fit himself with Clothes, and proceed on -his intended Journey; but he was prevented; as I -shall presently tell you, for these two Rogues having -now got the key of the Chamber-door made, and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_244'>244</span>having tryed it, were resolv’d to delay no longer, but -catch the Birds before they were flown, as they would -be in few days, if they did not prevent it; for this -cause they invited him one evening to go out with -them to supper, he distrusting nothing went with -them, where was better cheer than Company, for all -the Entertainers were as very Rogues as these two, -however they treated him very civilly, and after supper -fell to drinking, he being desirous to return to -his lodging, requested his companions to be going; -but they knowing it was yet too early to execute -their Design; desired him to stay longer, and so long -as he had their companies, they told him he would -be safe enough; he seeing them resolv’d to stay, was -content, and so they drank on till about eleven of -the clock at night; and then, he not being willing to -stay longer, they agreed to go with him; and to the -end they might not be stopp’d by any Watch, they -agreed to go a back-way, which was somewhat about; -this they pretended was the reason of their going -that way, but it was indeed, that those who were his -entertainers, and who were to assist them in their -Enterprize might by going the nearest way, meet -them; which accordingly they did, for at the place -appointed by all, but our Gentleman, they met, and -pretending themselves drunk, jostell’d one another -so, that their swords were soon drawn, and they assaulted -one another, our Gentleman seeing that those -who met them were but four, and he and his Company -were three, did not question but he might have -the better on it, or at least defend himself, and therefore -being perfectly valiant, he so prosecuted one of -the two who assaulted him that he laid him at his -feet; the rest thinking that those two who assaulted -him would have performed their Enterprize well -<span class='pageno' id='Page_245'>245</span>enough had hitherto only plaid with one another, -in clashing of their swords, but now seeing one of -their Companions fall, and doubting more mischief, -they all four, as well those whom he thought were his -friends as those whom he knew to be his Assaylants, -left their jest and fell all upon him in earnest, and -he being thus over-match’d, was soon kill’d. The -Rogues who were left alive, seeing him, and one of -the Companions dead, knew not what resolution to -take, but after a short consultation, they resolved to -carry off their dead Companion, and leave the other -there; but the two who were his Companions, fearing -he might be known before they had finished their Project, -and they might be prevented; they therefore -drew their Knives, and like bloody Butchers fley’d -all the skin from the poor Gentlemans face, and so -taking the Key of his Trunk out of his pocket, and -all his Letters, that they might leave nothing about -him to cause him to be known; they and their Companions -parted: the two Rogues went home to their -Lodging; where when they were let in, they were -asked where the Gentleman their Companion was? -they reply’d, they left him presently after they went -out; and this answer serv’d for the present: they then -went into their own Chamber, but soon after with -their false Key they got into his, and opening his -Trunk they took out all his money, and lock’d it -up in a Trunk in their own Chamber; and this being -done, they went to Bed: The next morning they -went out, and carried the money with them to the -place where all their other Treasure lay; returning -again, intended to get away all their other things -that were of any value, in the Trunk; purposing to -be gone, and leave that behind them, for they knew -it would cause suspition if they remov’d Trunk and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_246'>246</span>all, so suddenly; in their removal of their money, -they had carelessly left their counterfeit-key of the -Gentlemans Chamber-door in their Chamber-window, -wherefore the Landlord coming in there, and -seeing a Key, which although it was new yet he -believed he had seen it, or one like it; he therefore -comparing some other Keys with that, found that it -was like the Key of the Gentlemans Chamber-door; -he therefore try’d it, and found that it would open it -as well as the other: he was in some kind of amaze -to think of this, and the Gentleman not coming home, -he began to suspect that all was not well: About -noon he went in again into the Gentlemans Chamber, -and knowing that he had lately received a considerable -Sum of money, which he believ’d he had -put in his Trunk, he therefore lifted up the Trunk -in his hand to poize it, and feel if it were heavy; but -it was light enough; they having already taken out -all the money; he having set it down again saw -lying by it a pocket-handkerchief, which, he being -now grown curious, dilligently looked for the Marks -of it, which he found not to be marked with the two -Letters of the Gentlemans name, but two others, -which were the name of one of the others: These -things raised further scruples in his minde, wherfore -he was resolv’d to observe his two Guests with a -more curious eye; and one of them soon after returning, -he watch’d him, and saw that he went to -his Trunk, and made up a Bundle which he carried -out; no sooner was he gone out, but he heard the -report which had gone about the Town all that day; -that a Gentleman in such a place was barbarously -murthered, and was so much a Stranger that no -body knew him; the Landlord hearing this, his -heart leap’d and he was in a very great perplexity, -so that he could hardly stand on his leggs; so soon -<span class='pageno' id='Page_247'>247</span>as he was come to himself he took a Neighbour with -him, and went to the place where the Gentleman lay -murthered: It was to no purpose to think to know -him by his face, for that was quite disfigured; his -skin being fley’d off; but although his Cloathes were -bloody, yet he could by them know that it was his -Guest, who lay there murthered; he then told his -Neighbour what were his thoughts, and withal, that -he believ’d he knew the Murderers, and thereupon -having acquainted him with all his Doubts and Jealousies -of his two other Guests; he and his Neighbour -both were of the oppinion that they had hand -in this Murther, and therefore they hasted home to -see what might be further discovered; Just as they -came in, one of the two went out with a bundle under -his arm, which the Landlord seeing, he caused -one to follow him, and dilligently to observe all he -did. He that was sent was so careful, that he soon -after returned, and told him, that certainly there was -some matter of great consequence between his two -Guests, and three others, who were dividing and telling -of moneys, and he heard one of the two say; that -now all was well, for he had brought off every thing, -and intended to go no more; where are they? said the -Landlord; they are at such a house, naming it, said -the Messenger: but I followed your Guest to another -place first, where he left the parcel he carried out, -and waiting some time, he came out of that house, -which was a private house; and went to the other, -which was a Victualing-house; I, said he, following -him thither, was permitted to go in there, as he did, -to drink; he went to his Companions, and I took a -Room next adjoyning; where I heard, said he, what -I have told you, and several other discourses, which -makes me think, that these persons have lately been -upon some Design; but what, I cannot at present -<span class='pageno' id='Page_248'>248</span>imagine. But I can, reply’d the Landlord, I doubt, -what I have imagined is true; wherefore Neighbours, -said he, what is best to be done? I pray advise me; -they told him the best advice they could give him -was to go to the Magistrate, and acquaint him with -what had happened; he did so, and they at his request -went with him; being come before the Magistrate, -the Landlord told him, that not long since a -Gentleman came to his house to lodge, and soon -after him, two more who being well acquainted together, -went out (said he) to supper; the two returned -home; but it was somewhat late, and the third not -coming home, raised in me some suspition, which -hath fallen out too true; for, said he, the poor Gentleman -is barbarously murdered, and lies in such a -place, I have been to see him, but, although I cannot -know him by his face; for they have fley’d off -the skin, yet I believe it is he by his Cloathes; and, -continued he, I very much suspect my other two -Guests are guilty of the murther, for I have found a -false Key of the Gentlemans Chamber-door in their -Chamber: and so he proceeded in telling the Justice -all the particular observations he, and the person he -had Sent, had made: the Justice was of their oppinion, -that these two men had murthered the third; and -therefore sending for Officers, and a Guard, sent immediatly -to the place where they were all together, -and securing them, they were brought before him, he -examined them severally, and so finding them in Several -Tales, he gathered so much from their Examinations -and Confessions, that he found them guilty; -and then being inform’d that one of them had left a -parcel at a private house; he caused that place to be -search’d, and there was found a great deal of wealth -and goods; there was the Merchants Silks; the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_249'>249</span>Drapers Cloth; the Challices, and other Church -utensils, and the two Fryars weeds, and much other -goods, Commodities, and Disguises; all which was -seized on, and the report of this murder, and the other -particulars, running about the City, it came to the -ears of the Merchant and Draper, and many others -who had been lately robb’d; and they coming, knew -and owned their Goods. Our Rogues who were now -fast enough for commiting any more Roguries, and -seeing that they were discovered, for they were told -of all things that had hapned; now saw it was to -no purpose to deny those several facts that would be -too plainly proved against them; wherefore they confess’d -all this that I have told you of, and several -murders they have committed, among others that of -the two poor Fryars; and robbing the Church, wherefore -the Parson, and the Church-wardens of that -Parish hearing of this confession, came to <em>Paris</em>, and -the Felons executed, they and the Merchant, and -Draper, and all others whom they had robb’d of any -thing, had their goods returned them; and thus said -the Gentleman, was the end of these wretches; and -I came to be thus particularly acquainted with this -story, because when I was at <em>Paris</em>, I lodg’d at the -same house where they had done, and my Landlord -acquainted me with all these particulars.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The Gentleman having finish’d his discourse, said -Mistress <em>Mary</em>, I told him that these two were cruel, -and bloody minded Thieves, and that I did not care -for hearing any such stories, for that I was much -troubled, and methought sensibly concerned in his -relation; he replyed, that indeed this was bloody and -horrible, but that it was usual to have such murthers -committed in <em>Paris</em>; and that very frequently, and -continued he, both the Thieves and Pick-pockets, are -<span class='pageno' id='Page_250'>250</span>far more cruel and bold than in <em>England</em>; and although -I have given you examples of both, yet I -could tell you many more, and enlarge very much -upon this Subject, for it is usual for Pick-pockets -there, to perform their work in an extraordinary -manner, for they are furnished with Arms, and -Hands made with Wax or Wood; and by vertue of -these, they will frequently and without suspition, pick -pockets in the Church; for they will hold two hands -with a true Arm, and a false one, that is an Arm of -Wax or Wood up, and in their hands they will hold a -book and seem to be busily employ’d in turning over -leaves, at their Devotions, when as the third Arm and -hand is picking of pockets; and People standing by, -nay, the Parson himself whose pocket is pick’d, will -have very little cause to suspect him that does it: also -if they get a man out of the way, and are minded to -rob him, they will put a piece of Iron or Brass into his -mouth, like unto a Pear, which they call a <em>Choak-pear</em>; -and that properly enough; for the party who hath it -in his mouth, endeavouring to get it out cannot, for -there being a Spring within it which forceth it open, -it is impossible to get it out without a Key to it, -which they have; therefore they who put this Choak-pear -into the mouths of any, after they are first robb’d -of what they have about them, they are told, if they -intend to be rid of that Pear, they must go and fetch -more mony, which they must bring to a place they -appoint, or else they are like to chew upon the Pear, -without any other Victuals, which is like to be hard -Dyet to them. But continued he, I shall tell you -one of these wax or wooden-handed-fellows, and so -conclude.</p> - -<p class='c000'>A Gentleman having had his pocket several times -pick’d of moneys and Watches, was much troubled -<span class='pageno' id='Page_251'>251</span>and resolv’d if possible to find out, and catch one -Pick-pocket that should pay for all; wherefore he -advises with a Smith, an ingenious fellow of that -quality, to make him a band of Iron or Steel, with -some prickles about the side of his pocket, and a -spring towards the bottom, which when it should be -touch’d, would cause the band of Iron or Steel, at -the top to close together, so that if a Pick-pocket -should come there, it would catch and hold him fast -by the hand: this he had made to his desire, and -then he went to the next Assembly, which was at a -tryal of causes, and it was not long e’re his project -took; he heard his Engine discharge, and the fowl -was caught; he knew which Pocket it was, and -therefore lookt on that side one stood with hat off, and -both his hands were upon his Hat, which were held -up as high as his face; he therefore wondring whose -hand he had caught, and seeing the man in that -posture, doubted that his Engine had deceived him, -and had given false fire, but putting his hand towards -his pocket he found a hand there, which was -in vain strugling to get out; wherefore that he might -know who this hand belonged to, he got out of the -press of people, and the man who held his Hat in -that posture went with him; when they were gone a -little to the one side, the poor fellow cryed out; I -pray Sir, let me have my hand; how! replyed the -Gentleman, I see you have two already, and therefore -if you have a third, you may well spare me that to -guard my pocket for the future: the fellow saw that -he was caught, and therefore replyed to the Gentleman; -truly Sir, it is but a tryal of skil, a new invention, -and I hope you will not be angry with a piece -of ingenuity; but if you are, rather than fail, if you -please to let me go, and not discover me, ile give you -<span class='pageno' id='Page_252'>252</span>any satisfaction; what security shall I have for that -said the Gentleman? all that I can give, said the -Diver; and thereupon he drew out a purse of money -from his own pocket, which it is like had an another -owner but lately, but now it helped to make his -composition, for the Gentle-man and Pick-pocket -going to the Tavern they clapt up an agreement; -he not only receiving satisfaction for what he had -formerly lost, but also discovered to him the Nature, -Use, and quality of a Wooden hand.</p> - -<hr class='c007' /> - -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c003'>CHAP. XX.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c008'><i>Mistress</i> Mary <i>continues the story of the young Gentleman; -relates how a Cheat (with two more) pretending -to be a Countrey man, performed a very profitable -but most comical exploit on a Shop keeper; she -is interrupted by the Arrival of her comrades;</i> Meriton -Lattroon <i>enters into a Pleasant Dialogue with -her; his</i> Indian <i>wife falls in love with Mistress</i> -Mary <i>and Mistress</i> Dorothy, <i>disguis’d in mans -apparel: and a pleasant Adventure there upon.</i></p> - -<p class='c004'>Thus (said Mistress <em>Mary</em>) did the Gentleman -discourse of the <em>French</em> manner of Thieving and -Cheating, which was after a more confident and bold -manner than that of our Countrey-men; and their -manner of picking pockets was, I told him a great -Novelty; he replyed that he could relate many such -tricks that were done at his being there; two more -whereof, continued he, I will tell you, and so conclude.</p> - -<p class='c000'><span class='pageno' id='Page_253'>253</span>Three Cheats intending a piece of roguery, had -aparelled themselves like Countrey-men; and two -sauntring in the Street, one of the other went into a -Shop-keeper, whom they saw was alone in his Shop, -and tells him that he was a Countrey-man, and had -born all offices in the Parish where he liv’d: and was -now Church-warden, and that he was come to Town -to lay out a little money for the use of the Parish; -but more especially to buy a Cope for the Parson; -and, said he, I would buy a good one though it cost -me the more money: and thereupon fetch’d several -and shew’d him: he turn’d many of them over, but -still desired to see better, at length one was brought -which he seemed to like: but, said he to the Shop-keeper, -I doubt it is too short: no, said the Shop-keeper, -it is long enough of all conscience, and thereupon -measured it upon the Country-man: who said, -I cannot tell by this measuring, whether it be long -enough or no: but our Parson is a man much about -your pitch, and therefore I pray do you put it on, -and I shall be better satisfied, the Shop-keeper to -satisfie his Customer, did so; and our cheating -Church-warden did assist, and help him to put it on; -but in doing it, he clapt his hand into the Shop-keepers -pocket, and drew from thence a purse of -money, the Shop keeper perceiv’d it, and caught hold -of his Customer, but he slipping out of his hand, -shew’d him a fair pair of heels, and the Shop-keeper -without putting off the Cope followed him; in the -mean time the other two of our cheats Companions -acted their parts, for the one went into the shop, and -taking the next bundle of goods that came to hand -went away, and the third doubting that if the Shop-keeper -kept his pace he might overtake his Companion -whom he pursued; he therefore having plac’d -<span class='pageno' id='Page_254'>254</span>himself in the way on purpose, catches hold on the -Shop-keeper, and sayes, O Lord Master Doctor! -what makes you thus distracted? as to run in the -streets in this unseemly manner: the Shop-keeper -told him that he was mistaken, he was no Parson, -and that he was in pursuit of a fellow that robb’d -him; by this time our Cheat who was pursued, had -turned a corner of a Street, and was out of sight; -and the Neighbors coming out to see what was the -matter, perswaded the Shop-keeper to go home again -and put off that Garment, and then go look for the -Cheater; he did so, but there he found that he had a -second loss, which made him more angry than before, -especially when he considered that he was without -all remedy, not being able to discover who they were -that had shown him this clenly conveyance.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Another time said the Gentleman, a couple of -these bold rogues understanding that a Gentle-man -was newly come from travel; and having enquired -into and been acquainted with many particulars in -his Journey, were resolved to get money out of him; -and therefore waiting a time and place convenient, -and seeing him walking with another Gentleman, one -of these bold rogues thus accosts him: Sir, your very -humble servant, I am very joyful to see you after -your return; although you have travelled several -Countries since I saw you last, yet you are not one -jot alter’d: but you are, replyed briskly the Gentleman, -if ever I saw you before, for to the best of -my remembrance this is the first time: I shall bring -you, reply’d the Confident, to be of another mind -when I tell you that my name is <em>Mounsieur Brisack</em>, -and that you and I travell’d many a mile together, -and were very merry at such and such places, naming -them; I hope Sir, continued he, that you do remember -<span class='pageno' id='Page_255'>255</span>that we staid three dayes at such a place, -and then departed, having very bad way, and a tedious -Journey to such a place, still naming the places, -and there we met with such and such Gentlemen, who -continued in our companies a fortnight, all the while -we staid there; and we came to such and such a -place. All this reply’d the Gentleman, and all those -Persons I very well remember; but indeed <em>Mounsieur -Brisack</em>, if your name be so, I do not at all remember -you; but since you give me so good an account -of my Journey, I must needs believe you to be acquainted -with me in those parts; and since you are -so, I pray how doth <em>Mounsieur Langone</em>? very well, -reply’d our Cheat; he intends to be here in short -time, and then I will bring him to you that we may -renew our acquaintance: I shall be glad of the opportunity, -reply’d the Gentleman, and so good <em>Mounsieur -Brisack</em>, said he, till then I shall be your humble -Servant; yours Sir, reply’d the Cheat; but I pray, -Sir, do you now remember me? yes, yes, reply’d the -Gentleman; then I hope reply’d the Cheat, you will -also remember that I did you a small courtsie in the -time of our acquaintance; what was it? said the -Gentleman, that I may acknowledge it; and thank -you; no great matter, Sir, said the Cheat, it was but -a friendly office, we ought to do so for one another at -such a distance; I do not understand you, said the -Gentleman; you are very forgetful, said the Cheat, -but I hope that as now you remember me, so you will -remember to pay me that little money you borrowed -of me at such a place; I know nothing of it, reply’d -the Gentleman; I lent it to you replyed the Cheat, by -the same token, that your Horse was taken lame in -one legg, and you were forc’d to leave him behind -you, and take another: truly, replyed the Gentleman, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_256'>256</span>the token is good, but I do not remember the -other matter; but I hope you will, reply’d the Cheat, -and pay me for your Credit-sake before it comes to -the hearing of our Fellow-travellers; how much do -you say it was, reply’d the Gentleman; but twenty -Crowns, a small sum, and soon paid; I know you are -not without so much money about you, and if you -please to pay it me now, it will do me as great a kindness -in receiving it now, as it did you when I lent it; -well replyed the Gent. if it be so, when <em>Mounsieur -Langone</em> returns I will pay you, which you say will -be in short time; I hope Sir, replyed the Cheat, you -will not injure me so much as to put me to stay so -long, when you promised me to pay it at our next -meeting, and besides, Sir, it will not be for your Credit -to let him or any of our Fellow Travellers know that -you boggle at the payment of such a driblet as -twenty Crowns: and thus did he importune the Gentle-man -for payment, by telling him that he had now -acknowledged it before witness, and that if he would -not quietly pay, he would compel him to it: so that -the Gentleman to purchase his quiet gave him what -he demanded, lest, as he said, he should shame him.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Whilst Mistress <em>Mary</em> was busied in the recital of -what was afore delivered, and intending to have proceeded -in the same discourse; she was interrupted by -the return of the Captain, <em>Drugster</em>, and <em>Scrivener</em>, -and <em>Gregory</em>; and her looks and colour discovered -to the Capt. that she had play’d the extravagant in -the use of that liberty & freedom which he freely -gave her, and could not contain himself from expressing -some resentments thereof: and addressing his -discourse to me in a fleering manner, come Master -<em>Meriton Latroon</em> (said he) I shall know you better by -degrees, and do fear I shall find you too much guilty -<span class='pageno' id='Page_257'>257</span>of the humour of the <em>Turks</em> and <em>Italians</em>, who <a id='corr258.1'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='sic'>unaturally</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_258.1'><ins class='correction' title='sic'>unaturally</ins></a></span> -delight in the society of young men: they are -pretty Smock-fac’d Lads, how do you like them, Sir, -if you could procure a change of their Sex, would -not either of them serve for fine play-fellows.</p> - -<p class='c000'>I think (said I) they are best as they are, without -any change; nay, with your pardon, good Captain, I -know it an undeniable truth, which your own frequent -experience doth, or must acknowledge; their -unsuitable habits, I confess at first muffled up, or -quite darkned all former knowledge of them: but -you must excuse them, if they did unmask themselves -to be known to one, they once preferred before -their own safeties and reputations. Your sweet -<em>William</em> was once my little wanton <em>Mally</em>, whom -with many more, I first beguiled by hiring my self in -womans apparel, as a Servant maid in a boarding -School. This other whom you call <em>George</em>, was a -Country-girl, whose beauty and good feature disarm’d -me in the road, as I went on the Pad, and although I -had never seen her till then, I was so passionately in -love with her, that I never rested till I had obtained my -desires on her, which effected, I ungreatfully left her.</p> - -<p class='c000'>This said the Captain, is a thing I was wholly ignorant -of till now, although from our friend <em>Gregory</em> -I have been informed of the most remarkable passages -of your life: such wonderful and unheard of transactions -in one man’s life, that in his relation I thought -him reading to me some Legend of incredibilities.</p> - -<p class='c000'>I replyed that I had reserved this secret with some -others, to be discovered as occasion should serve, and -that in time, nothing should be hid from him. And -now Sir, said I, you nor the rest of your friends must -not entertain a jealousie that I participate and share -with them in your Mistress’s affections; to be plain if -<span class='pageno' id='Page_258'>258</span>your belief of that raise in you any anger or revenge, -you will discover thereby your folly most egregiously; -for can you expect a constancy from such, who know -they cannot live, but by being inconstant; they are -like such who are upon a trading Voyage, it is not one -Port, but a great many that makes up their market; -neither are they like some Merchants who particularly -trade to one place, as to <em>Guiney</em>, <em>Hambrough</em>, -&c. They are generally trucking, or vending their -commodities through the Universe: <em>Mal</em>, said I, you -must not be angry that I thus plainly and boldly disclose -the naked truth; pray on, Sir, said she; I shall -exercise my patience in hearing your rallery, but I -pray tell me when you are out of breath, that I -may inform you of the infirmities and frailties that -belong to your more noble Sex, and spare not ours; -you will not be so unjust to deny me that liberty you -take your self; a match, quoth I, and therefore I shall -proceed. When you were but fourteen, you began -like a Nut to grow brown at bottom, which you know -will then drop or fall of it self, or I might more properly -compare you to forward Summer fruit, which -proves mellow in the non-age of the spring, but rotts -by too soon falling, when more sollid fruit shall deny -the nipping frosts of an approaching Winter. There is -a <em>Queen-apple</em>, and a <em>Bitter-sweet</em> so call’d, you resemble -the one in the lovely colour, the other in the -distasteful <em>Gusto</em>: but since I speak of fruit, the most -common resemblance is a <em>Medlar</em>, which is never -good till rotten; such are you, never finer drest than -in your winding sheet. Several of your Sex when -married are but a parcel of <em>Crab trees</em>, wall’d in at -a great charge. As for thy part, thou art like a -honeycomb with a Bee in it, which infallibly stings -him that tastes thereof: to be short, ye have fair -<span class='pageno' id='Page_259'>259</span>tongues and false hearts; fine faces, but foul Consciences; -pride prompts ye to all manner of prodigality, -and lust leads ye to that loosness, which ruinates thousands -in the destruction of yourselves. To conclude, -I could love thee, but that thou art female, and would -never have married, but that I thought it best expedient -to bring me to repentance. Now Sir said -she, I believe it is my time to speak, for I find by -your straining, you are very needy; you have but -little water left by the sucking of your Pump; I see -where your plot lies clearly, by undervaluing me and -our Sex, you would put our friends out of conceit -with us and others, that you might make a Monopoly -of our Sex; be advised Sir, your Patent will not -be worth the procuring, if we are so variable and -wavering, as you would falsly make the world believe, -you have Marshall’d up a fair company of Metaphors, -that your wit might flutter in our disparagement. -Our sailing from port to port to advance -our profit, is not so discomendable as you would have -it, since it is rather our misfortune to meet with such -Bank-rupts, Broken-merchants, who have neither -stock nor credit to barter with us for our wares. -Surely your wit is mightily improv’d (since your poor -Poetry you writ to my friend <em>Doll</em>, which she related -to me was almost all the reward she had for her lost -Virginity) it skipt so nimbly from Pole to Pole, from -Sea to Land, to fetch a Lean starvelin of a conceit, -and that was the comparing of us to ripe Nutts, or -Nutts brown at bottom as you well know; for all -we are slip-shell’d were it not for truanting-waggs -who rushing into our Thickets shake us down; we -might hang long enough, not like your Crack-ropes: -and for your likening us to fruit soon ripe, and as -soon rotten, I dare confidently aver that we might -<span class='pageno' id='Page_260'>260</span>remain a long time on the tree, did not such unhappy -Boys as you are throw stones at us. Lastly, -you say our sweets are accompanyed with stings, I -know not what you mean, but I am sure you stung -this Gentlewoman and my self in that manner that -the swelling lasted nine moneths, and by a Mid-wife -was at last delivered of our pain. To conclude, with -what force can you condemn us for inconstancy? -when every new face you see shall change your affection, -variety shall be as so many winds to blow -your amorous pretences to more points than are -contained within a Compass, and when you have -had, after a long Seige, the Town (you sate down -before) surrendered, you fall a plundring instantly, -and it may be, after this, ingratefully set the Garrison -on fire; if not, at leastwise curse the time and -money you spent in your Conquest, throwing it off -as a thing not worth the managing and keeping: -No more (dear <em>Mall</em>, said I,) no more, what hitherto -I have express’d, was but a tryal of thy wit, which -since I find so pregnant, thy better parts, thy mind, -I will endeavour to enjoy hereafter.</p> - -<p class='c000'>All the Company was greatly pleas’d with our -Drollery, and now said I, Gentlemen, without trifling -the time away too much, since we know one the -others past lives, and present intentions; let us enter -into a serious consultation, how we may advantage -each others interest here, in order elsewhere. Although -you, Sir (speaking to the Captain) have been -in these parts twice or thrice before, yet I question -not but the knowledge I have of this Country will -prove as serviceable to our design, as any others that -have been here a longer time besides the advantage of -my projections; the Captain with all the rest readily -consented to be advised with me in every thing, as -<span class='pageno' id='Page_261'>261</span>giving me the priority in all manner of Roguery. -Gentlemen, said I, the love I bear my own Countrey -(although all Countries indeed, should not be such -strangers to us, as not to make them absolutely our -own, when necessity compels us thereunto) I say, having -a longing desire to see <em>Europe</em>, and return for -<em>England</em>, having now gotten something considerable -for a future maintenance, I shall make it my whole -business to take up what commodities I can on -trust, and with what I have, and my self, I resolve -to accompany you homewards; and that I may be -the better wellcome among you, I will be assistant -to you in the buying your commodities, and procuring -you a credit withal.</p> - -<p class='c000'>These proposals commanded both their thanks -and embraces, and to work we went immediately. -But before I proceed to tell you how, and in what -manner we enrich’d our selves by cheating and deceiving -the Countrey: I must give you an account, -that my she-black divil, my wife, had a moneths -mind to no less than a brace of white <em>Josephs</em>, I mean -my two Girls in mans apparrel; I confess the temptation -was great enough to have deluded any other -woman of more Christian principles; when I heard -of it, I thought I should have dyed by the excess -of laughter, and that I might have the more sport, -I ordered my two Females not to discountenance -her amorous desires. I have heretofore inform’d -you that she was for feature and stature as handsome, -and as proper as most <em>Europeans</em>, and had a natural -genius, her Sex is not ordinarily endued withal: in -the time of my living with her, I had taken considerable -pains to teach her <em>English</em> of which she hath -a competent understanding and utterance. Seeing -me go very gentile and gallant, she disserted her own -<span class='pageno' id='Page_262'>262</span>Country fashion, and thought herself obliged to be -cloathed in mine, which I condescended to, not so -much to please my eye, as to sport my fancy, for -they became her as well as a Hat and Feather, -Sword and Belt, with a Red-coat would become a -<em>Jack-an-apes</em> riding before the Bears.</p> - -<p class='c000'>We had not many <em>English</em>-women among us, however -she imitated every one of them in some thing -or other, so that she seemed when drest to have borrowed -of at least twenty women, and those Habiliments -look’d as if they had been thrown on her with -a pitchfork. She being extreemly smitten in love -with these 2 handsome young <a id='corr263.13'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='man'>men</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_263.13'><ins class='correction' title='man'>men</ins></a></span>, as she thought -them, began now to be less careless in her dress, but -what disorders she endeavoured to rectifie and -amend, she made a thousand times worse; she consulted -her glass, and imagining her face was not -naturally fair enough, that is, not black (for blackness -is esteem’d by them as beauty, and tawniness -the contrary) I say to correct that natural defect by -Art, she got some <a id='corr263.21'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='Lamb'>Lamp</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_263.21'><ins class='correction' title='Lamb'>Lamp</ins></a></span> black, or some thing like -it, by which paint she resolved to be devilish fair.</p> - -<p class='c000'>I wondred to see my pretty sweetings face, all of -a sudden so strangely chang’d, but I concerning my -self but little with her, never demanded how it -came, but according to my usual Custome went to -bed, and not long after my wife followed me: I had -drank very excessively that day, by which means I -slept profoundly and was not sensible what her petulancy -prompt’d her to when I was asleep; but certain -I am, she did so all to bekiss me, and so rubb’d -the black paint off her face upon mine, that none -could tell which was the blacker of the two in the -morning when I arose.</p> - -<p class='c000'>I got not out of bed till an hour after all the rest -<span class='pageno' id='Page_263'>263</span>of the People in the house were up, and staying somewhat -longer above than I usually did, she came up -into the Chamber, and perceiving my face to be -black, she was at a stand, not knowing what to say, -or do; but at length concluded (as she confess’d afterwards) -that her God was angry with her for loving -any other white besides her Husband, and therefore -had taken away his white face, and had given -him a black one in the room: she retired down with -much more reverance than usual, and was so amazed, -that she spake not a word to any below. The Captain -and his friends, with several of my own acquaintance -were attending my coming down, who -seeing my face thus discoloured, knew me not, yet -knew my voice and clothes, and though I bid them -good morrow, they returned me not the like civilty, -but instead thereof, ask’d me whether I was not an -impudent fellow to counterfeit another voice and -wear his clothes? Gentlemen said I, are ye all mad, -or have ye eyes that ye dare own? I am the man I -was the last night I am very certain; you may have -the same body, said the Captain, but the foul Fiend -stole away thy head last night for being drunk, and -left his own in its room; hereupon a Looking-glass -was fetcht, and put it into my hands, but I no sooner -saw my face in it, but it dropt out of my hands breaking -all in pieces, and with the amazement of this sudden -alteration, I was just ready to expire; now did -all my former roguries come fresh into my memory, -believing that they, with what I was now about to -act, had rode poste to the Devil to inform him what -I was; that he was come to fetch me away alive, and -that he had lent me this hellish face, that I might be -the fitter for his company in his Journey homeward.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The Company seeing me stand so like a changeling, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_264'>264</span>could not forbear laughing till they held their -sides, at length one of them came, and with a wet -cloth rubbing my face, restored it me again, I could -not imagine who should serve me this trick, or how it -should be done, but at last recollecting my thoughts, -I remembred that my wife of late seemed to me to be -more than usually black; whereupon I call’d her to -me, and with the same cloth I made her blackness -vanish too. She perceiving I was inflam’d with rage -and fury, fell upon her knees, and begging my pardon, -she told me every circumstance of what she had -done and design’d, concealing her real contrivance; -that she had painted her face in that manner to increase -my love, she said, and that in kissing me and laying -her face to mine, (not imagining the black would -come off) she had thus discoloured my face, and would -never do so again: I was so far from being Angry -with her, that I could not forbear laughing heartily, -which renewed the like in my friends; however I -charged her never to make herself fairer than she -was again, and if I found her pride extend that way, -I would devest her and reduce her to the Clout, it -being all the clothes the <em>indians</em> wear, an insignificant -fore covering; this troubled her more than if -I should have gashed her flesh and fill’d the wound -with salt, a punishment frequently used among them. -Notwithstanding the ill success of her first project, -yet she was resolv’d to prosecute her love but which -she loved best, she could not tell, if there had been -an half dozen more, she had room enough in her -breasts to entertain them, and had affection to have -scattered plentifully among them all.</p> - -<hr class='c007' /> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_265'>265</span> - <h2 class='c003'>CHAP. XXI.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c008'>Latroon’s <i>Wife prosecutes her love, the manner of her -extravagant Horse-courtship, inviting them to a -bowl of Punch, she forc’d them to the Squeak, is -discovered in her amours by her Husband and would -have poysoned her self to escape his anger.</i> Latroon -<i>brings his new Comrades into the acquaintance of -the</i> Bannian, <i>whom by feasting him aboard and -ashore, they make their friend in their knavish Design.</i></p> - -<p class='c004'>My Wife was none of those puling, whining, lovers, -who not obtaining their desires, presently -exclaim against the injustice of Heaven in not -granting their wishes, and growing sullen to make -amends for their Blasphemy, hang themselves, or -cut their own throats. She had a certain way of -Court-ship peculiar to herself, and a kind of Horse-play -in her kissing, which was so strong and eager: -that you must have a special care she did not beat -some of your teeth down your throat; her embraces -were as soft as a Bears, I think fully as strong, she hath -made me sometimes in a merry humour, cry Oh: and -therefore I cannot see how these striplings will escape -with life should they be encirkled in her arms.</p> - -<p class='c000'>What kind of Rhetorick she used to perswade -them with, I am not yet acquainted, but I understand -she boarded them both at once and put them -to the squeak, without uttering a word, and had not -they fled for it, she had ransacked their carcasses to -have tryed their Manhood, this made them ever -<span class='pageno' id='Page_266'>266</span>after shun being alone with her, which made her so -mad, that when she hath seen them in company, if -by any means she could come at them, she would -have pinch’d them by the arms, or else where, her -fingers being as bad as a pair of pincers. She was -ignorant of the way of winning them by Presents, or -the subtle insinuation of fine words, varnished with -love and Service; she was downright with them, if -they would not love her, she would see whether she -could make them; but that not doing, she was resolv’d -to try whether drunkenness would operate -any thing upon them. Whilst I and my new Associates -were gone abroad to hasten our purposes of -marching off together, she had prepar’d a Bowl of -Punch, with other excellent Liquors, not omitting -several Dishes of Sweetmeats; she strained her self -at that time to the utmost to express her civillity -and kindness, drinking often to them till at last she -perceiv’d that the strength of those several Liquors -they drank had elevated them; then did she in as -good <em>English</em> as she was Mistress of, tell them that -she lov’d them, and they must love her, that she had -never seen such pretty white men before, with that -she caught one of them about the neck, the other -fearing they should be now discovered, indeavored -to assist her Comrade, and struggled to disengage -her hands from about her neck, but she being too -strong, would not disengage her hold, but by main -strength brought them both down to the ground together -with her; just as my business calling me home, -I entred the Room wherein I found my Spouse at -<em>Tantum Scantum</em> with the two supposed young-men, -tumbling all together promiscuously: I knew they -could not if they would, and would not if they could -make me a Cuckold, therefore I had no cause to be -<span class='pageno' id='Page_267'>267</span>angry with any, but my Christian Infidel, and yet -I had but little reason to be so with her, considering -the brutishness of her nature, and barbarousness of -her education: however so sensible she was of the injury -she design’d to do me, that taking a Dagger out -of her pocket, which she mightily delighted to carry -always about her, she would have stabb’d her self, -had I not prevented her, by forcing it out of her -hands. I saw nothing but distruction and distraction -in her eyes, and therefore, watcht her narrowly -she would not mischief her self, or any else; she -seeing that seem’d better compos’d, and stepping aside -drawing a small Box out of her pocket, which she -always made her <em>Vade mecum</em>, and was fill’d with -the rankest poyson, she conveyed some of it into a -Cup, and offer’d to drink to me, which she would -have done, had I not dasht it out of her hand: she -seeing me so careful of her preservation, imagined I -had no evil will against her, she fell upon her knees -again, and begg’d of me that I would kill her, for -she deserv’d it, or take for my satisfaction as many -wives as I pleas’d into the house, and she would -not be offended at it in the least; I told her I would -have no more wives than she, and that I would forgive -her this time, so she would never do the like again.</p> - -<p class='c000'>She now trebled her diligence at home, whilst I -exercised my wit abroad, among the <em>Bannians</em> I invited -one of the principal of them home to a treat, a -man of vast sway, and great credit in the Country; -and having acquainted my new Correspondents, or -fellow Conspirators of the time of our meeting, I ordered -them to appear as splendidly as they could, according -to the Custome of the Country; and to be -noble in their expences, all which they performed so -well, that they gain’d a great esteem with the <em>Bannian</em>; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_268'>268</span>Moreover I informed him privatly; that the -Captain (though an Interloper) was resolv’d not to be -behind hand in the lading his Ship homeward, with -the best Factor in the company, having Gold enough -for that purpose, and that those young men that accompanied -him to the <em>indies</em> were the sons of <em>English</em> -Lords, that had brought with them great store of -Gold to see this Country, and lay it out in the Commodities -thereof: he hearkened to me with much attention, -and having always had a very good oppinion -for me, believ’d what I said to be no less than truth, -and therefore desired me that I would perswade them -that he might negotiate their Affairs for them; this -was the thing I desired, which I should have offer’d -him, had he not so happily prevented me by his own -voluntary motion, and to encourage his willingness -therein, I whispered the Captain in the ear aside, -informing him that the <em>Bannian</em> was fully wrought -upon, and that now he had not need to fear fraught at -half credit, as I shall mannage the matter, I desired -him to invite him abroad to <a id='corr269.21'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='morrrow'>morrow</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_269.21'><ins class='correction' title='morrrow'>morrow</ins></a></span>, and what friends -he should think to bring along with him, which accordingly -he did; after that we had been sufficiently -merry together in my house, and though he was somewhat -elderly, yet he was a very comely old man, and -had wit and heat enough in him to play the Good-fellow: -We had so liberally entertained him (and had so -fitted every thing to his humour, I knowing his humour -to a hair) that on his going away, he acknowledged -infinite satisfaction in that he had received, -promising for these civilities his utmost Service and -Assistance; the Captain stopt him in his further acknowledgments, -by assuring him they were nothing -to what he and the Company intended for him, -desiring him that he would favour them with -his Company abroad the next day; the <em>Bannian</em> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_269'>269</span>gratefully accepted the proffer, for he was -a person that lov’d dearly his belly, and therefore -the more willing and ready to accept our <em>English</em> -treatment, which he knew was no niggardly one; but -had he known what a stale purgation he should have -had after all his feasting, he would have sooner swallowed -a <em>Pagod</em>, than one single morsel.</p> - -<p class='c000'>About noon I found the <em>Bannian</em> at his own house, -and telling him that he was expected abroad, he -made himself ready to go with me, in our way thither -we met with some of his most intimate friends, and -some of mine, those which I thought would further -our design I singled out, and took them along with -us. The Captain had made ample provision for -us, and understanding from me that the <em>Bannian</em> -was obliged to abstain from some sort of meat, he -had to be sure provided none thereof; having feasted -with all the jollity imaginable, firing several pieces of -Ordinance according to Command; now Sir, said -the Captain, that you might know we come not into -your company empty-handed, or that we will take -up any of your Goods and Commodities without -paying you for them according to contract, I will -shew you something which shall be a Secret to every -body else, so unlocking a Chest, he shew’d them a -great quantity of his own Gold, and his Undertakers; -if this be not enough, see there of this friend -of mine fifteen hundred pieces, and of that mans -there, five hundred, with a thousand more if occasion -should serve.</p> - -<p class='c000'>This made the <em>Bannian</em> and his friends admire to -see so great a quantity of Gold, however he seem’d to -take but little notice, only saying, you have a great -deal of money, Sir, and we have a great deal of valuable -Commodities, which you shall not want, but -trust them to my procurement for you, and you shall -<span class='pageno' id='Page_270'>270</span>not fail in your expectation; he spake <em>English</em> good -enough to let us understand, that he would be our -Servant to do our business, and the Merchant too, to -credit us if we so pleas’d. What Goods we took of -him at first we paid him ready money before delivered, -and by degrees caus’d him to send some -abroad, and paid him three or four days after: And -to the intent we might not be in the least suspected -for any knavery, I advised the Scrivener, Drugster, -and <em>Gregory</em> (their Hanger-on) to give out they intended -to stay in the Country some considerable while, -that what goods they bought, they would send for -<em>England</em>, when the Captain should return thither, -and to confirm the truth of this report, they built -them an house, befitting the entertainment of them, -and the securing what Goods they should procure by -way of Merchandize, servants I procur’d them, such -as I thought would be for their turn, both Male and -Female, but if they intended to have their Victuals -well drest, they must not expect the Cookery from -them; however they resolv’d to try the ability of their -new servants, who handled the matter so scurvily, -that when it was brought to Table, there was not -one, but was of a different oppinion in giving a name -for what was brought before them, not knowing -whether it was boil’d, bak’d, broyl’d, or roasted; for -the looks thereof seem’d to have a touch of them all; -so that it was concluded by all that the Proverb was -never better verifi’d than now; <em>God sends meat, and -the Devil sends Cooks</em>; and so any Stranger would -have taken them, they being of his own smoaky -complexion. Wherefore to avoid these foul inconveniences -of sluttish feeding, it was agreed on, that -<em>Mall</em> (alias <em>William</em>) <em>Doll</em> (alias <em>George</em>) notwithstanding -their Breeches, should officiate as Cooks, their -friends should be caterers, and their menials Skullions.</p> -<hr class='c007' /> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_271'>271</span> - <h2 class='c003'>CHAP. XXII.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c008'>Latroon <i>in order to his returning to</i> Europe <i>gets a -great deal of Goods, most on credit; he suspects his -wife of some villanous Design, discovers her wicked -inclination, and hints at the common cause of Cuckoldry. -She under pretence of loving visit poyson’d -one of the supposed <a id='corr266.6'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='youngmen'>young-men</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_266.6'><ins class='correction' title='youngmen'>young-men</ins></a></span>, and had like to have -dispatcht the other, and afterwards kills her self: -her Assistant in this Murther was found not far -distant from</i> Bantam <i>torn to pieces by wild Beasts, -three days after the Fact.</i></p> - -<p class='c004'>In this Equipage our friends were in, whilst the -Captain, and my self were daily bringing in Grist -to the Mill; the <em>Bannian</em> according to his promise, -with speedy sedulity procur’d us what ever we desired, -and to encourage his Industry had daily (almost) -encouragements for his quick dispatch. Our business -now ran on wheels, neither did the pleasures of our -new Houskeepers slacken in their carreer, they had -every thing which the Country afforded, and more, -for they had two such matchless <em>European</em> girls, which -all <em>India</em> could not parallel, whose luster was the -brighter by reason of those dark and dusky foils -which were always near them.</p> - -<p class='c000'>But damn’d be that cursed instrument that totally -eclipst the light of those two <em>Wandring stars</em>, which -must ne’er shine more in our Hemisphere. Who -would have thought a wife, after so much penitence -and submission (being obsequious beyond imitation) -<span class='pageno' id='Page_272'>272</span>should renew her revenge, and prosecute it to death. -It is true, the found me remiss in the cooling of her -amorous Heats, but that from the first I used her to, -that she might not expect it when it came, as a duty, -but a courtesie, or a very signal favour, by reason -hereof the was void of frequent expectation; had -the been as white, and as lovely fair as any of my -own Country-women, I would have serv’d her in -the like manner; if I intended to make my wife absolutely -my own. For in my time I have observ’d -at least an hundred Examples of this nature; Women, -whom I am confident might have ran the Race -of their lives in the way of modesty and honesty, had -they not been chafed or over heated at first by the -ostentatious humour of their hot brained Bride-groome, -striving to out-do himself, that he might -purchase the esteem of being a lusty man excelling -others in strength and vigour; but when the wife -shall finde the satisfaction of her desires dis-continued, -she will be apt to think her husband was too prodigal -at first, and so became Natures Spend-thrift, and -now thinks of no other thing than how she shall be -supplyed by others. Others again are like some -childish appetites, who feeding on some excellent -Dish, they never tasted of before, and being exceeding -pleasant, eat beyond measure, thinking themselves -never to be satisfied, so getting a surfeit, ever after -loath what they lov’d, the very sight thereof will -even nauseate their stomachs. I say by stinting my -wife after this manner, she could not suspect that by -rambling abroad, I disappointed her expectations at -home, since custom made her believe me indifferently -honest. But her revenge was grounded on the -Basis of equity, for since she was so far from being -jealous, that she allowed me to make use of others, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_273'>273</span>she judged I could not in reason dis-allow her the -enjoyment of one or so, especially of my own complexion.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The removal of these two young men (as she supposed, -and in that belief courted them to her embraces) -she verily believ’d was occasion’d by me, and design’d -that she might have no converse with them. -Whilst they were in sight of her, she pleas’d her self -in viewing them, but being depriv’d of that hourly -happiness, she had not so much prudence as to conceal -the resentment of her loss, and the injury was -done her by me, but exprest (in her manner) to my -very face things that carried with them suspitions -of a dangerous consequence.</p> - -<p class='c000'>For the prevention thereof, I seemingly show’d -much kindness unto her, giving her a many good -words, & granting her with all leave to visit those -two young-men, with this proviso, she would not -wrong me, and all this was to pacifie for the present, -till I was ready to go from the implacableness of -of her revengful spirit, which is an Inmate properly -not onely in her, but in all the <em>Indians</em> her Countrey -people. She seem’d hereat to be very well satisfied, -but so impatient she was to have a review of them, -that she went from me immediately to them, at the -sight of them she represented her joy in so many -antick shapes, and formes, that all which were present -burst out into a great fit of laughter, which she -construed in favour of her self, supposing from hence, -they were over-joy’d to see her; and what made -her believe it the more, was their welcoming her to -their new house, in the best manner they could, -drinking to her so often (in the best liquors they -had) till she was half Sea-over; the heat of the -<span class='sc'>Persian</span>-wine she drank, gave fire to the old train, -which should kindle the Magazine of Love, which -<span class='pageno' id='Page_274'>274</span>lay covert in the Cole-pit of her hellish lust; and -now breaking like a Hand-granado, the pieces of -the shell could not fly faster than her arms did about -their necks, there was no warding them, so that they -were forc’d to submit to the cruelty of her over-powerful -affection. But when she insisted upon the -complement thereof, they bade her then desist, for -they were resolv’d never to wrong her Husband in -that nature, and threatned her, that if she would -not be civil, they would acquaint him therewith. -Hearing them menace her after that fashion, she -retreated and sate down at a distance, and seem’d -somewhat pensive, but having spoke some few words -to a Black that past by her in the <em>Indian</em> tongue -(which I would have understood had I been by) to -which there was a sudden reply; she seem’d to throw -off her melancholly and re-assume her jolly attempt, -telling them that the next day she would come -again, if they would make as much of her as they -had done then; they told her they would.</p> - -<p class='c000'>I visiting them that evening, they acquainted me -how welcome they had made my wife for my sake, -how she had renew’d her love, and how preposterously -she had manag’d it; in recital thereof we had -good sport over a Bowl of Punch: to avoid the dangers -of going home late I bade them goodnight. In -the morning early coming down I found one of their -female Slaves close in discourse with my wife, who -seeing me vanished; I suspecting nothing, went to -the <em>Bannian</em> about my business, and that day we had -so much business to do, that it was near night, before -I could visit our friends, to acquaint them what progress -I had made therein, and how near it was brought -to consummation. But I had no sooner entred -the doors, but my ears were entertain’d with the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_275'>275</span>doleful groans of my two disguised <em>Amazons</em>, who lay -upon a Matt on the ground, foaming at mouth with -the Scrivener & Drugster, & <em>Gregory</em> attending them, -offering their utmost assistance, which was to little -purpose, since they were ignorant of what they ail’d; -as soon as I saw them, I knew they were poyson’d, -having seen several in the like condition (a common -practice among them upon the least suspition of an -injury design’d, or an offence already receiv’d) but -knew not what remedy to apply, and whilst I was in -consultation with myself what was best to do, I saw -<em>Malls</em> teeth drop out of her head, and <em>Gregory</em> going -to raise her head, the skin and hair with it came off -in his hands like a Perriwig, so did the hair of the -other; so strong was the poyson administred, that -<em>Mall</em> died in less than half an hour after the reception -thereof; but <em>Dorothy</em> escaped ever to a miracle.</p> - -<p class='c000'>This sad accident had like to have converted the -house into a Bedlam, for the three young men which -had attended them in this disaster, were so strongly -distracted at the sight of what had happened, that I -thought the Devil had just then by a reentry took -possession of them, or that they had taken the same -potion of Poyson, which was very near as bad; believing -it would work as subtlely and as nimbly on -them as it had already done, (<span lang="la" xml:lang="la"><em>Principiis obsta</em></span>) I ran -with might and main for some Sallad-oyl, a Jarr where -of I brought in the twinkling of an eye, Drink, drink, -said I, to them all, quickly, quickly, one after the -other, as fast as you can, which they did, not knowing -any reason therefore, but that I commanded them; -having even gorg’d themselves with it, and being not -able to drink anymore, I poured it down their throats -till I had almost choak’d them, or rather drowned -them therein, they cried out to me, for the love of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_276'>276</span>God to forbear, or I should kill them, judging me to -be mad indeed: as they were evacuating what they -had too plentifully received, the Captain whom I -had left with the <em>Bannian</em> to follow after me, came -in, who asking me what was the matter? I told him -particularly. He could not but shew something of -<a id='corr277.7'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='touble'>trouble</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_277.7'><ins class='correction' title='touble'>trouble</ins></a></span>, but having been acquainted with all sorts of -losses and miseries from his Cradle in a manner by -traversing to and fro the Universe, he bore this with -a patience agreeable to his courage and Man-hood, -and now our friends having disembogu’d the Oyl -that was within them, shew’d all the appearances of -perfect health; now seeing them in a condition -to return an answer to what questions I should propound -to them, I ask’d what strangers they had entertained -at home to day? they reply’d, None; but, -said <em>Gregory</em>, let us first see whether a certain she-devil -of ours be within, and then I shall tell you -what I have observed; upon this we search’d for her, -but could not find her, it seems the same Black I -found in the morning discoursing with my wife, when -having done this execrable murder, by the instigation -of my other devil at home, was fled, as more -plainly by and by will appear. Said <em>Gregory</em>, not -full an hour since; whilst we were at the farther end -of the house busied about our wares, Mistress <em>Mary</em>, -and Mistress <em>Dorothy</em>, commanded some wine to be -brought them, which was accordingly done by this -female we now miss, and brought in a midling Cocoa-nut -bowl; they were just drinking the third -time round, as we came in, nay, now said <em>Mall</em>, my -little merry <em>Grigg</em>, here’s to the Mistress of thy -affections, speaking to me, and drinking heartily, I -looking into the Bowl to see how much was left, -this Black dasht the Bowl out of my hand, and because -<span class='pageno' id='Page_277'>277</span>there was but little in it, I judged it onely to -be an effect of her rude petulancy, and so did the -rest, taking no further notice. Presently our two -friends grew extraordinary ill, and though we were -three to two yet they would have found work for as -many more had not death thus bound one of them -hand and foot, and the other seemingly dead for the -present: I will lay my life, said I, I know where there -is another of the Conspirators, so taking the Captain -with me only, we made all the hast we could to my -own house, and found by the extraordinary number -of people therein, that something more than ordinary -was the matter, and so there was, for my wife -with her beloved Dagger, had with one home stabb -made a hole through her heart, wide enough for half -a score lives to go out a brest without jostling one -the other.</p> - -<p class='c000'>I was not troubled to see her thus weltring in her -own blood, but that she had not liv’d to be punish’d -suitable to the crime she committed, if any punishment -could be invented. The President of <em>Bantam</em> -hearing of this horrid Murder, sent for me, to whom -I gave an ample relation as I could by information, -or otherwise, who seemed very much concerned, and -immediately dispatcht several in the search of the -Coadjutrix to the Murderess, about three days afterwards -they found (some ten miles distant from <em>Bantam</em>) -a female Carkcass, turn all to pieces, the limbs -thereof were gnawed in that manner, that there was -little flesh upon the bones, onely the head was untouch’d, -and some of the company that had seen -her before, would have sworn it was the same, and -therefore it was agreed upon to carry it to the President, -which they did, and presently order’d to be -fastned on a long Pole, for a future terror to such -like Malefactors, especially the Natives.</p> -<hr class='c007' /> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_278'>278</span> - <h2 class='c003'>CHAP. XXIII.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c008'>Latroon <i>and his Comrades about to leave</i> Bantam <i>and -go to</i> Surrat, <i>having done lading their Vessel, shew -some tricks to prevent suspition of marching off, -He sets sail from thence and meets with an -Enemy, an account of a most desperate and horrible -fight with him. He gives you an exact account -or journal of that Voyage from</i> Bantam <i>to</i> -Surrat.</p> - -<p class='c004'>Having buried our dead, we resolv’d upon a -General Counsel, to see what we had done, -and what we had left undone. We found that half -our ready money was disburst, and that we had -above half as much goods upon Credit, as our whole -sum amounted to, and now resolving to make a final -and speedy dispatch of all, I got all my Estate aboard -not leaving any thing valuable behind me, excepting -only what was in the house for the accommodation -of my Guests, having an happy opportunity -of conveying my own Goods with the Captains, and -others that were concern’d with us the <em>Scrivener</em>, and -the rest did the like.</p> - -<p class='c000'>That very day that we intended to set sayl, we -were all merry at my house with the <em>Bannian</em>, and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_279'>279</span>promising that the next day we would pay him what -was in arrears, and also lay out five hundred peices -more ready money; he seem’d highly pleas’d, leaving -him, we shew’d our selves through the whole Factory -with much Gallantry. The reason that we did not -take in our whole loading in this Port, was the great -number of <em>Dutch</em> Vessels which lately came into the -road, and more daily expected, which we knew would -not only obstruct our Credit, but raise the Commodities -of that place. We were fain to scuffle hard among -our Country-men for what we had already, there being -at that time at Anchor in the harbour several ships. -And having ready money pretty store we resolved to -take in the rest at <em>Surrat</em>, which place would secure -us well enough, and what we had deceitfully got. -Having spent most part of the day in shewing our -selves in the Town, about Three of the Clock in the -afternoon, it being the fourteenth day of <em>July</em>, we -got aboard, as if we intended to feast it, for there -was none of the whole Factory, or our <em>Bannian</em> especially -would think us so indiscreet to set sayl with -half our fraught, that was my policy, and being unsuspected -upon that account we might with the -greater facility and security march off. Getting all -our Anchors aboard in a trice, we loost our Sayls -away we steer’d between the Main and <em>Paulo pan -jan</em>, all the next day till six in the Evening, being -then athwart the <em>South-salt-hill</em>, we steered <em>South-west</em> -and by <em>west</em>, and <em>west</em> and by <em>south</em>, but from -that hill we steer’d <em>west south west</em>, having the wind -for the most part at <em>East south east</em> with much rain, -which afflicted me grievously, for my fears of some -pursuing us would not let me quit the Decks till I -thought we were out of all danger in being followed. -The sixteenth of this moneth at noon we espy’d <em>Hippins</em> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_280'>280</span>Island <em>Eastward</em> ten leagues off, having steer’d -all night <em>West south west</em>. Latitude about 6 Degrees -38 and Longitude from <em>South-salt-hil</em> 6 Degrees 44 -<em>West</em>, the wind at <em>south-east</em> with the help of a Currant -for twenty four hours, from the sixteenth to -the twenty ninth of this month, we had the winds -between the <em>south-east</em>, and <em>east north east</em>, with most -intolerable rains at Noon, being in latitude 11 degrees -59 <em>south</em>, and longitude 20 Degrees 35 <em>West</em>, -the variation about 12 Degrees 35 <em>Westerly</em>; we -sailed this month on several Courses, four hundred -ninty six miles.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Mistress <em>Dorothy</em> being indifferently well recovered -though a bad spectacle to look on by reason of the -skin of her body all coming off with her nails, such -was the malignity of the Venome; I say, speaking as -well as she could, desired me to write some lines on -her dearly beloved dead Comrade, knowing that my -fancy did ever incline to measure lines, and so to -please my self, more than to give her satisfaction, I -composed these Verses.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> -<div class='nf-center c009'> - <div>On the death of his <em>Indian</em> wife, and his old</div> - <div>Wench.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-b'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><i>Start not my</i> Muse, <i>what Paradox is this,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>That the same cause works both my Woe and Bliss?</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Here lies my bliss, a more than brutish Wife,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>By her own Butch’ring hands bereft of life.</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>My Woe lies here, my murder’d Joy, Alas!</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>What</i> Wicked hand <i>durst bring this</i> Ill <i>to pass</i>?</div> - <div class='line'>Hells consistory <i>sate within that brest,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Which sent my</i> Love <i>to her Eternal rest.</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>How happy had I been, had the</i> Blest Powers,</div> - <div class='line'><i>Enlarg’d her</i> Minutes, <i>and have made them</i> Hours.</div> - <div class='line'><span class='pageno' id='Page_281'>281</span><i>Turn’d these short hours into long days, that I</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Might dread</i> Deaths <i>approach, when she should dye.</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>But she is gone past all recal; and we</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Can only weep and sigh her Elegie.</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Though we don’t mourn she can no</i> Mourners <i>lack,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Each</i> Nature <i>is at her sad death in</i> Black,</div> - <div class='line'><i>Methinks they’re hoarse with crying, and their votes</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>(Being sad, and doleful) do befit their</i> Coats.</div> - <div class='line'><i>The</i> Clouds <i>dropt tears; the</i> Ayry-Quire <i>(which flies</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Over our heads) do sing her</i> Obsequies.</div> - <div class='line'><i>Shall we be dumb, whilst Birds do use their Art?</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>No let’s in Sorrow bear with them a part,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>When that y’ve done for</i> Mall, <i>bereft of life,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Rejoyce with me, dead, dead’s my wicked</i> Wife.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c000'><em>August</em> the ninth, steering <em>Northerly</em> forty two -Leagues, we found <em>per observationem</em> the Ship to run -but thirty seven Leagues, which is five Leagues less -by reason of the Current which sets us the <em>South-wards</em> -Latitude at 6 Degrees 24 Longitude 36 Degrees -58 <em>West</em> from the <em>Salthil</em>. This afternoon we -were in the Latitude of the <em>Changus</em>, to the <em>West-wards</em> -of them, not seeing any sign of danger, the -variation is good help if heedfully observ’d, finding -about 22 Degrees when you are in 7 or 8 Degrees -of <em>Southerly</em> Latitude, a <em>Northerly</em> <a id='corr282.25'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='couse'>course</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_282.25'><ins class='correction' title='couse'>course</ins></a></span> will go clear -of all danger. The twelfth of this moneth we crost -<em>Æquator</em>, steering <em>North, North east</em>, Latitude 10 Degrees, -Seconds 85 Digits <em>Southerly</em> Longitude 36 Degrees -51 digits <em>West</em>, the wind at <em>South</em> and by <em>West</em>, -the variation 19 Degrees, Seconds 35 Digits <em>West</em>.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The twenty-fifth of <em>August</em> we lay a try with -main course, and mizen our Drift <em>North</em> 9 Leagues, -the wind at <em>South west</em>, a fresh Gale. One of our men -taking our main Top-sail, cryed out a Sail, a Sail. In -<span class='pageno' id='Page_282'>282</span>a quarter of an hour by the help of my Prospective, -I could discern her to be an Enemy of considerable -force, about some forty four pieces of Ordinance. -She made towards us with all the speed she could, -and we to shorted our way, bore up to her with all -the Sail we could make, so that we fetch’t up one the -other quickly although we had but thirty six Guns, -eight less than she carry’d, and having fewer men -withal we feared her not, but ran up board and board -with her before we fir’d a Gun, and then we poured -in a whole broad-side into her, whilst we pepper’d -them above with whole Vollies of small shot: they returned -us the like kindness, which kill’d us four outright -besides what were wounded. Our Captain behav’d -himself very manfully, and so bestirr’d himself -in the fight, shewing so clear a courage as would have -animated a very Coward to fight, as for my own part -the meer observation of his magnanimous behaviour, -infus’d into me more valour than I thought my self -capable to contain, or able to make use of: my Land-water -Soldiers, the Scrivener and his two Companions, -by the Captains example, and my encouraging, -look’d Death as boldly, and as daringly in the face, as -if they had intended to look him out of countenance, -though at first no shot, either great or small went -whistling by them but what made them dap their -heads, as if that would secure them; that Bullet which -injures man never tattles in his ear the ensuing danger; -that Bullet that whistles in the Air, proclames -your crown as safe from cracking, as is the Goose after -she hath past through the Barn door stooping lest her -lofty head should knock the top thereof.</p> - -<p class='c000'>There was not any in the Ship exempted from Service, -every man as he was Quartered not budging, -but doing the utmost he could to offend his Enemy; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_283'>283</span>a brave young stout fellow (whom I shall never forget) -standing by me and my <em>Bantam</em> <a id='corr284.2'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='Comrades)'>Comrades,</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_284.2'><ins class='correction' title='Comrades)'>Comrades,</ins></a></span> a -shot came and took away his legg with that fury, -that it rebounded from the side; falling, he seemed -not a wit daunted, but called out aloud, Courage Captain, -I warrant you Victory, if you will but send down -this Foot and Legg of mine to the Gunner, and let -him send it to them instead of shot, and I shall laugh -to see here, how it will kick the Arses of those insolent -Rogues; <em>Gregory</em> standing by and seeing what -had past, though something scar’d, yet would not discover -any fright, and to hide it the better, commended -the brave resolution of the man, and as he was -laughing at the odness of his conceit (poor Fellow) -a shot came and took away one side of his face, so -dyed immediately, now it may be said, <em>he could laugh -at him but with half a mouth</em>. This last unhappy Bout -so scared the little valor which was in the Scrivener, -that he instantly quitted his station, and disorder’d -more men in his way to his supposed safety, the Hold, -than twenty Troopers could have done in the midst -of a Foot-company, a little afterwards the Drugster -attempted to do the like, some of the men in the -waste, seeing him upon his flight (just as I was moving -on the same design) cried out, knock him down, -knock down that cowardly fellow with a handspike, -thinking they had meant me, being on the motion, -I endeavour’d to prove the contrary by giving him -a sore pelt over the noddle with my Musquet which -laid him a sleep on the Deck; was highly commended -by our Captain for so doing, telling me that two such -fellows among a thousand men, nay an Army of ten -times the number, might by their fear occasion their -total overthrow.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The Drugster recovering got to his Quarters, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_284'>284</span>and thought it better to dye fighting than to be kill’d -for being afraid to dye, to work he went with a Blunderbuss, -and fired it so often that he durst not charge -it again till it was cooler, my Musquet was in the like -condition. By this time the Enemy began to stand away -from us, but we were resolv’d to keep her company, -and make her pay for the trouble and cost she -had put us to. We perceiv’d she had much a doe to -keep herself above water, so that we were not long -before we came to bear again upon her, which we did -so efficaciously, that by a lucky shot penetrating her -powder room she blew up, we being so near her, I verily -thought she would have blown us into the air too, -as she did her own men, part of which fell down into -our Ship, as if you would have scatter’d faggot sticks -off a house top: we had not above six men in all -kill’d, and about nine wounded, none mortally, which -were immediately committed into the hands of an -excellent Chirurgion we had aboard, who took such -a special care of them that before we came to <em>Surrat</em>, -they were all perfectly cured.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Our ship receiv’d some dammage which was rectifyed -by our Carpenters as well as they could for -the present, and sail’d forward in our voyage. The -next day we were forc’d to lye a Try again, which -we did the thirtieth day, the wind at South-west -allowing each days drift. The one and thirtieth we -shortned sail all but our Sprit-sail, top-sail because -of falling too soon with the Coast of <em>India</em>. This -month we ran eight hundred fifty two Leagues on -several Courses.</p> - -<p class='c000'>From the first to the fourth of <em>September</em>, we stood -away only with a sprit-sail top-sail the course and distances, -<em>&c.</em>, observed having a fair wind Westerly, -but the next we steer’d East and by North, with -Sprit-sail and fore-topsail. The fifth from twelve to -<span class='pageno' id='Page_285'>285</span>six (<em>per Compass</em>) East five Leagues, having at four -of the Clock had ground sixty four fathome Oazy -sand, then set more sail and stood in <em>North, North-west</em> -till six in the morning, our depth in running the -Course of seven Leagues was fifty five, sixty and sixty-four -Fathome in Latitude, about 20 Degrees, Seconds -42 and Longitude 30 Degrees, Seconds, 3 Digits <em>West</em>. -On the sixth day we steer’d <em>East</em> and by <em>North</em>, till four -in the afternoon, at which time we saw Land, it was -low and Sandy banks, with some Trees, and a white -Tower or Church which may be seen four or five -Leagues off. This place was judged by those men of -ours that had sail’d often this way, to be fourteen -Leagues to the <em>westward</em> of <em>Diu</em>. This evening we -took a small boat not far off <em>Poramena</em>, bound to <em>Chichauho</em> -near <em>Caule</em>, they had only three horses in her, -having nothing in her worth making prize, we dismist -them the next day without taking ought from them. -The seventh and eight dayes we stood off and on, expecting -to meet with some Jonks. On the ninth we -met with a Jonk of <em>Gogo</em>, coming from <em>Mare Rubram</em>, -or the Red-Sea, richly laden, which we took, -imagining we now were made for ever, but the Commander -soon dasht all our joyes, by producing a pass -from the President of <em>Surrat</em>, upon sight hereof our -Captain durst not detain her. I was on board her -and having seen some part of her <em>Cargo</em>, I judg’d by -that the richness of the rest, and therefore perswaded -the Captain to make her prize though she had a hundred -president passes, but he would not yeild, knowing -better the danger than I did, and so dismist her -to my great sorrow.</p> - -<p class='c000'>On the tenth we took a Jonk belonging to the King -of <em>Succatore</em>, bound as they said, to <em>Surrat</em>, (the Devil -was in our Captain to believe a word they said if -ought might be gotten by them) and had aboard of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_286'>286</span>her little that was considerable, saving six horses, and -bast to make Ropes withal, wherefore he dismist her.</p> - -<p class='c000'>On the eleventh we anchored in twenty fathom -three Leagues off the shore, to give notice if any -Jonks should pass by in the night, they stood to the -<em>Westwards</em>; and met a Jonk coming from the Red-sea, -but this cowardly Hulk seeing our Boat, supposed -her to be a Scout from some Man of War not far off, -ran and sheltered her self under a Fort some fourteen -Leagues to the West-ward of <em>Diu</em>-head. This Jonk -had some <em>Europeans</em> aboard her, which plyed their -small shot so that our Boat was forced to leave her, -and coming aboard us was sent out again better provided -with men and arms to lye as they had done before, -to meet with the said Jonk, but in the night came -six Sayl of Friggats instead of her and anchored by -them. Our desperate daring less than little <em>Fan Fan</em>, -would not leave them (knowing who they were) till -she had spit that little Venom that was in her and then -retir’d, this so allarm’d us that we got all sayls loose; -and weighing up our Anchor the Cable broke, so our -Anchor was lost; we stood in and having spent some -shot on the Friggats notwithstanding there was such inequality -in the number, they stood away for the shore -and left us, however we would not let them pass so, -but being some seven Leagues from <em>Diu</em>-head, in the -night we stood in again amongst the Friggats, but there -being little wind and a light night, they crept under -the shore, from the twelfth to the seventeenth we -plyed to and again, standing off in the day, and in -again at night, seeing these Friggats every day, but -could not come at them; they lay there to give the -Jonks notice of us as we supposed.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The eighteenth we made up to the Land of Saint -<em>John’s</em> fourteen or fifteen Leagues off, near which -<span class='pageno' id='Page_287'>287</span>we took a boat that came from <em>Danda ja-vapore</em>, -bound for a place near <em>Diu</em>, out of this boat we only -took two <em>Mestico’s</em> and a boy, and so dismist her; -anchoring at eighteen Fathome Oazy (being high -water and little wind) in Latitude 19 Degrees, 48 -Digits, about nine Leagues of shore, <em>Valentines pike</em>, -<em>East</em> and by <em>South</em>, <em>per</em> Compass.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The two and twentieth we saw a Jonk and gave -chase to her, fetching her up we found her to be a -great Junk of <em>Surrat</em>, bound for <em>Acheen</em> with Merchandise, -having a pass from the President and Councel, -therefore he medled not with them; but in the -afternoon came to an anchor in two and twenty Fathom, -about thirty Leagues of shore. The weather -was gusty with much rain, but never did I hear such -peals of Thunder, nor see such great and continued -flashes of Lightning: at four in the evening the next -day we anchor’d at eighteen fathom within six leagues -of <em>Damon</em>, the wind at <em>North North east</em>, and variable, -with such terrible claps of Thunder and Lightning, -that my friends, the Scrivener and Drugster -would have freely parted with all they had to have -been at the bottom of a <em>Cornish</em> Tinn-mine. They envied -now poor <em>Gregories</em> condition, accounting his misery -a great happiness, for since the Element of Water -had received him into the Womb of her protection, -the Element of fire might as soon give him a new -soul as to detriment his body, theirs being now minutely -expos’d to the mercy of its uncontroulable fury.</p> - -<p class='c000'>On the twenty fifths evening we anchored in ten -fathom reddish clay, the <em>Pagod</em> <em>East, North east</em>, <em>per</em> -Compass, and the trees of old <em>Swalley</em>, <em>North, North-east</em>, -about three Leagues off; the next day the wind -being at <em>North, North-west</em>, we turn’d up and anchor’d -in ten fathom, the Toddy-trees <em>East</em> and by <em>North</em>, -<em>per</em> Compass.</p> - -<p class='c000'><span class='pageno' id='Page_288'>288</span>Lastly, having laid one buoy on the tonge of the -sand and another on the point of the Main, we came -over the Barr, the least water is four fathom and -half at half flood, so we ran in till the Souther-Toddy-tree -bore South and by East <em>per</em> Compass, -and there anchor’d in eight fathom water. This -month we sailed not above one Hundred and seven -Leagues.</p> - -<hr class='c007' /> -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c003'>CHAP. XXIV.</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c008'>Latroon <i>and his friends arrive in</i> Swalley <i>Road, -they go ashore at</i> Surrat, <i>are entertained with other -Captains of Ships lately come to an Anchor, by the -President; he discovers an old Mistress of his and -his old fellow servant, waiting on a Captain in a -disguising habit; he renews his acquaintance with -her; she tells him what befell her after his unworthy -shipping her to</i> Virginia, <i>and the cause of her coming -for</i> India. <i>She enters into a League with</i> Latroon -<i>to cheat her pretended Master, which she did, -the manner how. They sail together from</i> Surrat -<i>homeward.</i></p> - -<p class='c004'>The next day after our coming to an Anchor in -<em>Swalley</em> Road, there came in to us six sail of -<em>Dutch</em>-ships from <em>Nova Batavia</em>; and two days after -came in four <em>English</em> ships more into the same Port. -One of the Captains meeting with a Fleet of Friggats -entring in at the Rivers mouth, was boarded by them -and unhapily blown up, himself and others of his -Company escaped, but were miserably burnt with -powder. The ship drave into <em>Swalley</em> over the Bar -<span class='pageno' id='Page_289'>289</span>and was tow’d on shore by our Boats and Barges, -but all in a manner consumed by the fire; there -was a <em>Dutch</em>-ship fought with the Friggats this -while, which Sunk three of them, and in the fight -there was three more surpriz’d, the first by the -<em>Charles</em> Barge, the next by our Long-boat, which we -doubly mann’d, and the last by the <em>Dutch</em>: they were -but of little value, being laden with <em>Paddee, Beech-leaves</em> -and other trifles.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Now did our Captain command the Skiffs to be -mann’d, and taking me, the Scrivener, Drugster, with -some of the Ship, we went ashore, and presented our -selves to the President, who wellcom’d us in the best -manner he could, and to speak the truth, his entertainment -was magnificent; whilst we were frankly drinking -Healths to our friends in <em>England</em>, there came into -us (who came ashore that morning) the Captains of -the other three Ships, with their Chief Officers, as -also a great many <em>Dutch</em> Commanders and their -Attendants, we used to say <em>The more the merrier</em>, -and so found it, for the President as he was a very -generous man, so he was prudent, and therefore by -his noble deportment towards us, was resolved to -oblige us both.</p> - -<p class='c000'>We on the other side, strove to out-vy each other -in gallantry of Spirit, and in this manner we continued -feasting three days, swimming in an Ocean -of Liquor.</p> - -<p class='c000'>In this time of our Jollity I minded especially a -young man that waited on one of the Captains; he -had a very Sweet countenance, but his Complexion -was very much Sun-burnt by travelling; I did -verily believe I had seen the face before, and therefore -very much eyed it, which he perceiving fixt -his eyes as often on me, for I never cast my eye -<span class='pageno' id='Page_290'>290</span>that way where he stood waiting, but I found him -still looking towards me.</p> - -<p class='c000'>My heart renewed private intelligence what he was, -but my reason could not so much as guess from -whence it came; for by the extraordinary motion -thereof beating strokes on my brest as nimbly as a -Drummer a Travale on his Drum-head; I look’d -on him as one I knew, neither was I alone thus, -for at that distance I could perceive that the sight -of me did put him into a strange confusion.</p> - -<p class='c000'>As I was contriving how to have some private -conference with him, his Master commanded him to -take some of the Boats Crew and go aboard and -fetch him something which he wanted, he had no -sooner receiv’d the Command, but casting his Eyes -on me he endeavor’d to tell me by them, he had an -eager desire to speak with me.</p> - -<p class='c000'>He going out, I withdrew from the Company, desiring -their excuse for a while and follow’d him, but -coming near him he trembled so he could hardly -move a foot forward, seeing him in that agony, I -asked him what ailed him? Bade him not be afraid, -that I came not after him to mischief him, or injure -him in the least. I believe, said he, you intend me -no harm now, but it would have been well if you -had never done me any. How! replyed I, it is impossible -I should be so cruel as to injure a face so -innocently harmless as thine appears: yes, Sir, you -have, said he, and were it not for something within -me I have no name for, I would be reveng’d on thy -very soul for the abuse thou hast done me; I have -now no longer time left to discourse you, but to-morrow -meet me under the Southern Toddy-trees, and there -I shall not fail to let you understand the miseries -<span class='pageno' id='Page_291'>291</span>of ——, and there he dropt his tears so fast that he -could hardly see his way before him. I was so amazed -at what I had seen and heard, that there I stood -as a thing immovable, speechless, and almost sensless; -staying somewhat too long, the Captain came out to -look me, and found me in this posture staring up into -the Skie; What’s the matter man? said he, what -wonders dost thou see there, thou dost so gaze? I -tell thee man, said he, this is no proper time nor -place to take an observation, we are now at Land; -but he knew not what observation I had taken, if -he had he would have spoiled the Instrument if he -could.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Recollecting my self, Your pardon good Sir, said I, -I protest you drink too smartly within, so that I was -forc’d to come out to suck in some little airy refreshment. -This shall not excuse you, quoth he, therefore -come along with me. Coming in he told the whole -company in what a rediculous posture he found me, -and did so Romance upon it, that he made them all -laugh. One while, said he, he was telling the Clouds -he saw, pleasing himself with the several monstrous -shapes they bore, though I could not see one in all our -Hemisphere. Then he turned his ear up to the firmament, -as if he were hearkening to the Sweet harmony -of the Sphears, and in my conscience, if I had not prevented -him, I had seen him madly dance by himself -without one stroke of Musick. After this he turn’d his -eyes upwards again, and fixing them there awhile, the -nine heavens or firmaments were so transparent to his -sight, that looking through them, he recounted their -particular names to himself in order as they were posited. -He would have proceeded but that the company -would not let him, for my own part he might have talked -till dooms-day without any interruption from me, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_292'>292</span>my thoughts being wholly imployed in searching out -the meaning of what the young man lately spake to me.</p> - -<p class='c000'>I observed after his return, he could not or would -not look once towards me as long as I staid. That -night we parted some staying ashore, others going -aboard; but I, knowing what business I had to do the -next morning, lay all night with one of the Factors, -a true Toper, and one that I had been formerly merry -with in <em>London</em>. I got up early and went to the place -appointed, where I staid not long e’re I saw him whom -I expected advancing towards me, I arose to meet -him, so walking together we chose a place where we -sate down, which was both convenient, and secret for -our purpose. As I was about to speak he prevented it, -by calling me base, faithless, perjur’d man (I starting -up, laid my hand on my Sword) Nay hold, Sir, said -he, think not to expiate your offence by murdering -the person against whom they were committed, so -pulling off his Perriwig discovered some short red hair? -do you know this colour, said he, which once you told -me you lov’d beyond any other? Here is the same -Dimple in the Chin, and Mole on the Lip, and the -same skin (stripping open his doublet) which you have -unreasonably praised for its excelling whiteness; -these were the flatteries you used to delude a poor -credulous maiden, whom you not onely sham’d but -ruin’d. You cannot forget your matchless treachery -in seducing me aboard a <em>Virginia</em> ship, in whom I -was carry’d thither and sold, you hoping by that villany -to have been for ever rid of me and mine.</p> - -<p class='c000'>I now saw who she was (my fellow servant when I -was an Apprentice) and knowing what she said to be a -truth, I ask’d her forgiveness, acknowledging all my -unworthyness to her, and protested if she durst trust -me once more I would make her amends for all, at -<span class='pageno' id='Page_293'>293</span>which she smil’d (for she ever lov’d me too well to -be angry with me) I taking hold of this advantage did -so press her to a forgiveness, that she could not deny -me, having seal’d it with a thousand kisses: and now -dear <em>Jane</em>, said I, I have a longing desire to know -how you spent your time in <em>Virginia</em>, and how you -came hither with this Captain; that I shall do briefly, -she replyed.</p> - -<p class='c000'><i>When I saw that you had so cruelly trappan’d -me, and that all your love was nothing but a -deluding pretence to enjoy what you could, and be shut of -me afterwards as I saw you had done, I attempted to -fling my Self into the Sea, but being prevented in that, -I betook my self to my Cabbin where for grief I -lay the whole Voyage so desperately ill that none had -any hopes of my life, for my Child dying as I suppose -for want of those that should carefully looke after it. -Arriving at</i> Virginia, <i>and anchoring at</i> Potomack -River: <i>several</i> Planters <i>came aboard of us, and made -a quick riddance of all the Passengers but my self, none -offering a pipe of Tobacco for me, for I was grown so -weak I could not stand, and so lean that I was a meer -skinful of bones. The Master seeing me in this condition, -and judging I could not live two dayes to an -end, commanded me to be carried ashore to dye. A -Planters wife that was very antient, seeing me lie in -that miserable and deplorable manner, took pity on me, -and took me home to her house, where she proved so -good a Nurse to me that every day I did sensibly amend. -Being well, there was a great contest between the -Husband of this good old woman, and the Master whose -Servant I should be, a Suit was commenced, and upon -tryal the Master was cast he putting me a shore as useless -to him, acquitted himself of all future trouble with -me. I being clear from him, my good Patron and Patroness -<span class='pageno' id='Page_294'>294</span>discharged me in open Court for having any -thing to say to me, for what necessaries they had provided for -me during my sickness, being now a free-woman -I had a hundred good matches offered me, all which -I refus’d; there were some of the great ones too courted -me for their lust (for I had now recovered my complexion, -and my eyes had shaken off that dulness which -had clog’d the swiftness of their motion) but all these -temptations prevailed not, the memory of you had -too large a power over my heart than to yield to any one -else. But length of time began by degrees to extenuate -that esteem I had of you, so that I did not behave my -self so reservedly as formerly I had, but assumed a great -deal of freedome. One day my Master (as I now call -him) coming to the house where I was (for his Ship -then rode in the River not far off us) took so great a -likeing to me at the first sight, that as he hath confess’d -since, he was never at quiet but when in my society; -So that in a little time he had so won upon my affections, -that my carriage towards him sufficiently demonstrated -how dearly I loved him. To conclude, he -made a perfect conquest of me, and as the earnest of a -perpetual tye, he fully enjoyed me, and promised marriage -if I would go with him as soon as he came to</i> -Weymouth <i>in the west of</i> England, <i>where stood his -Habitation. I greedily swallowed all his perswations -(although one would have thought me more wary, -having been so notoriously cheated by you before,) & -the time coming when he would set sail, I march’d down -to his Ship with as many as would have compleated a -Regiment which followed me, looking upon me as the -most absolute mirror of Chastity which ever arrived in -those parts, joyful I was to return to my native Country, -and as glad was my overcomer in that he had obtained -so pretty a play-fellow to pass away his time in -his passage homewards. In seven weeks we came -<span class='pageno' id='Page_295'>295</span>upon the coast of</i> England, <i>and was by the stress of -weather put into</i> Plymouth-<i>sound, where we rode with -much difficulty between the Island and the Land. The -third day after our anchoring there, the wind ceasing -though the weather was somewhat hazy, he went ashore, -and taking none with him but my self Coxswain and -his Crew. I wondred what he meant by it, my fond -hopes prompted me to believe that here he would perform -the promise he made me at</i> Virginia, <i>but I found -my self deceiv’d; for he dismist the boat after he had -fill’d their skins full of wine, and commanded them -to wait upon him in the morning.</i></p> - -<p class='c000'>There being now none left but he and I together; -Dearest, said he, be not troubled at what I shall tell -you, and it shall be never the worse for you. I have a -Wife and Children at <em>Waymouth</em>, although to gain -my ends of you I pretended to have none; she is the -most jealous woman in the world, and well she may, -for she knows there is no woman in the Creation -much more deform’d than her self, wherefore this I -would have you to do that I may continue your company; -you shall change your feminine habit for what -is masculine, under which disguise you shall pass as a -young man I have met with abroad, which for fancy’s -sake I have chosen to be my Companion in my Travels. -<i>I thought I should have sunk into the Earth to -hear him make this new confident proposition to me -after so many vowes and promises to make me his wife, -but gathering courage, I started out of his hand and -would have gone down stairs, but pulling me back, -what said I, are all my expectations come to this? -must I be only your wandring whore at last? have I -left so many wealthy matches at</i> Potomack <i>for this? -no, I am in mine own Country, in a place where I am -not known, & I will wash and scour for a lively-hood -rather than submit so basely after so many worthy -<span class='pageno' id='Page_296'>296</span>proffers. Notwithstanding a thousand resolutions I -had to leave him; yet such was the subtlety of mans -sly insinuation, that he made me unsay all that I had -said in less than half an hour; and I agreed to everything -he would have me do. Leaving me at the Tavern -he went immediately, and bought a suite (which he -guest would fit me) with Hatt, Shooes, Stockings, and -whatever was requisite to cloath a young man fashionably, -and brought them to me upon tryal, they exactly -fitted me. Now because we would not give any cause -of suspition to the people of the house where we were in -changing my habit, it was concluded on between us to -walk out of the town somewhere, he being well acquainted -with all the places about the town, made choice of</i> Catdown, -<i>where in the cleft of an hollow rock I unchas’d, -throwing my proper habit into the Sea, and although it -was somewhat immodest I was forc’d to beg his help in -my new metamorphosis; he had procur’d me a very</i> All-a-mode -<i>Perriwig, but before that would fit me he must -play the Barbar himself, which he did by cutting my hair -off close to my head. Being now clad with everything requisite -from top to toe, we made towards the town again, -where entring the former house we were in, we drank and -were very merry, having a noise of musick, having supp’d -one bed serv’d us without suspition; in the morning came -the boat for us with the doctor in her, who asked my Master -very seriously for the Gentlewoman, he replyed she had -kindred and friends in this place and that she resolv’d to -stay with them awhile; then he enquired what that young -man was; O, said he, he is of my former acquaintance, -who having little to depend on here, is resolv’d to see the -world abroad with me. Coming aboard our Master need -not make a repetition of what he had already said, the -Doctor did it for him: now did we set sail steering for</i> -Waymouth <i>which we did reach in a little time.</i></p> - -<p class='c000'><i>I was entertain’d in his house with much civility -<span class='pageno' id='Page_297'>297</span>from his wife, and the servants observing what respect -their Master shew’d me, paid me the like. There was -seldom a day wherein he had me not to a Tavern, sometimes -with company, but most commonly alone, and this -life I led for fourteen moneths; at the expiration of which -my master being employed by some Merchants in a Voyage -to East</i>-India, <i>took me along with him by which means -we have the wonderful hap to see one another again.</i></p> - -<p class='c000'>My <em>Jinny</em> having ended her discourse, I endeavoured -to endear myself unto her with all the outward -demonstrations I could devise or imagine, protesting -for the future I would never violate my faith -to her, that she and I would run our fortune, live -together, and she dying I would voluntarily do so -too, to accompany her to the other world.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Fearing lest I should detain her too long, and give -her Master any cause of suspition, I dispatch’d her -away, and soon after went aboard our own ship, but -before I went I appointed her to meet me there two -days after. The Captain, my self, and all that were -concern’d, went roundly about our business, for since -he had gone beyond the bounds of his commission, he -was resolv’d not to return home with her, but convert -Ship and goods to his own use; this in secret he -acquainted me with, as knowing my ingenious -rogueship would be very helpful and assistant to him -in all his enterprizes; and that I might oblidge him -to me in an absolute bond of friendship, I seem’d to -make him my Cabinet-counsel in all my affairs, and -did really inform him of the truth of the last Adventure, -knowing I could not carry on my design -without his privity and help.</p> - -<p class='c000'>He did much wonder to hear me tell him that I -had here also discovered another of my wenches in -man’s apparrel, but his wonder turn’d into rejoycing -when I told him how this wench should enrich our -<span class='pageno' id='Page_298'>298</span>Stock by robbing her or his pretended Master of his -Gold and what else he had valuable, and could hardly -rest to think how I would effect my design. Fear -not, said I, his Gold is all our own, therefore let us -lay out our own as fast as we can, in the commodites -of this place. The <em>Dutch</em> thought we had the -Devil and all of mony, to see our goods come tumbling -in upon us so fast, so that with what goods -we took in at <em>Bantam</em>, and what we receiv’d here, our -ship wanted but little of her full fraught.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The time was come wherein I was to have another -Mess of discourse with my <em>Jinny</em>, who was punctual -to her time, and there before me at the place appointed. -And after some few amorous ceremonies I seriously -told her that it was my intent never to part -with her during life, she answered that it was her -desire, and that she would run any hazard to bear -me company; well, said I, make your self ready to -go along with us, for we are resolv’d to set sayl within -these two dayes; that I shall (she said) and know -that I will not come with empty hands; my love -shall neither be burthensome to you, nor expensive; -how prithee, how said I, why thus, my pretended -Master, as I have told you loves me dearly, expressing -it in whatever way I desire, and to let me see -how great a trust he dares impose upon me, and what -confidence he hath of my fidelity, I have the key of -his Chest wherein is contain’d 8 hundred Jacobuss’s, -besides a box of rough diamonds with other stones of -price, all of which, or as much as I can carry off -handsomely will I bring to thee, so much efficacy hath -my first Lover over me that I could be content to -undo all the rest to raise thee. I told her the notion -was very suitable to our present affair, and that it -was the best and easiest course I could propound for -our happy living hereafter, and that when she saw -<span class='pageno' id='Page_299'>299</span>any white thing hanging in our shrowd she should -then fall to her work, which should be the token of -our being all ready; which she could easily do at -any time, for the Captain being almost continually -a shore and she with him, it was but waiting for the -boat (upon the sign given) which at her command -would carry her aboard and bring her with the least -word ashore. Moreover that having got the prize, -she should presently make down to the <em>Toddy-trees</em>, -over against which we lay at Anchor, and upon the -signal of a Handkerchief, we would send our boat instantly -ashore to receive her. All which according -to instruction was exactly perform’d, the Captain -whom she requited in this manner for all his love -being at that time dead drunk by an invitation of -the Factors of <em>Surrat</em>.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Having got my double Treasure aboard, and what -lading we desir’d, our Hold shut up, our Anchors -weigh’d, and our Canvas spread, away we sail’d over -the Bar, with an hundred shot after us, for our Country-men -as well as <em>Hollanders</em>, concluded there must -be some damn’d inexpressible Treachery in this our -suddain sailing, neither giving notice some days before, -or fairly taking our leaves by fireing of Guns according -to Custom; besides they knew we had not -taken in our full Lading. Let them fire their hearts -out we valued them not, in derision we fir’d a Gun at -stern, and so stood to the Southwards.</p> - -<p class='c000'>I knew very well this female confident of mine -would effectually do the business we had plotted together, -and so to divert my self and make sport with -the Captain of the discovery of my Rival, I wrote -some few Lines and nail’d them on a Toddy-tree on -the shore directed to the said Captain, which I knew -would be discovered by some or other, and carried to -him the verses were as follow.</p> - -<p class='c018'><span class='pageno' id='Page_300'>300</span>Noble Captain.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><i>’Twas a close plot y’ faith, but ’twould not hide</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>From me your</i> wench, <i>which should have bin my</i> Bride;</div> - <div class='line'><i>You chang’d her Garb, but could not change her face;</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Nor change her heart, where once I had a place</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Nere thence to be remov’d although she show’d</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Some love to you, the Debt to me she ow’d.</i></div> - <div class='line'>Love <i>was a stranger to her till I came.</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Whom seeing lov’d, and loving lost her fame.</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Sated with her delights I basely prov’d</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Th’ ingrate that loath’d what I should still have lov’d.</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>I turn’d her off, well might she then perplex</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Herself, and curse th’</i> inconstance <i>of our</i> Sex.</div> - <div class='line'><i>To be reveng’d, with me she did confer,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>To do her</i> right <i>on those that</i> wronged <i>her.</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>I was the first, but me she did forgive,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Because as one, we must together live.</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>You were the next, whose crimes are manyfold,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Yet have sued out your pardon with your</i> Gold:</div> - <div class='line'><i>Your subtle Wheedlings cheated her belief,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>And would have filch’d her heart to play the</i> Thief.</div> - <div class='line'><i>You stole into her Secrets, so that she</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>May at</i> Loves-bar <i>charge you with</i> Felony.</div> - <div class='line'><i>For thus purloyning, stealing hearts away,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>And being caught you now shall soundly pay.</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>She vows to me, she’l spare you not a bit,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>But keep intire the</i> Purchase <i>of her</i> Wit.</div> - <div class='line'><i>What</i> Protestations, <i>and what</i> Oaths <i>you made,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Were broke by you as soon as they were said.</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Your great pretences and your bouncing Stories;</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>The idle flashings of your fancy’d glories;</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>All which she minds not, since she hath requir’d</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>A Treasure which so long we both desir’d.</i></div> - <div class='line'><i><span class='pageno' id='Page_301'>301</span> Now we are now almost quits (against your will)</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>This is the</i> Sum <i>that must discharge our</i> Bill:</div> - <div class='line'>Imprimis <i>so <a id='corr302.3'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='mueh'>much</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_302.3'><ins class='correction' title='mueh'>much</ins></a></span>; lying by her side,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>And breaking promise, made her not your</i> Bride.</div> - <div class='line'>Item <i>for changing</i> Petty-coats <i>for</i> Hose,</div> - <div class='line'><i>And doing something, which I wont disclose.</i></div> - <div class='line'>Item <i>for making such a pretty toy,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Your</i> wanton Mistris, <i>and your</i> Cabbin-boy;</div> - <div class='line'><i>Whom Morning, Noon, and sometimes very late,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>Fail’d not to make your constant</i> Trickry-mate.</div> - <div class='line'><i>Thus stands th’ Account, and now we’re even just,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i><a id='corr302.12'></a><span class='htmlonly'><ins class='correction' title='Discharing'>Discharging</ins></span><span class='epubonly'><a href='#c_302.12'><ins class='correction' title='Discharing'>Discharging</ins></a></span> you of what we did intrust,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>If not quite broke, for some new</i> Credit <i>look,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>You ne’re shall enter more into our</i> Book.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c000'>I shall not trouble you with the particulars of an -exact Journal of our voyage from <em>Surrat</em> till we -came to <em>Venice</em>, to which part we were bound, but -only give you some light touches by the way.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The last day of <em>April</em> we cross’d the <em>Æquator</em>, and -the first of <em>May</em> made a new way by judgement, and -by observation our way was four Leagues to the -South-wards, having a rowling Sea out of the Souther -board. The fourth of <em>June</em> in the morning we saw the -Island <em>Mauritius</em> and a little after three or four small -Islands appeared also; we stood in betwixt <em>Mauritius</em> -and these Islands, and when we were thwart the point -of Rocks which lye on <em>Mauritius</em> side, we edg’d off -towards the Island, giving that point and breach a -good birth; our depth was twenty, and two and twenty -fathom hard ground, and being within one mile of the -westermost rock, we had twenty four fathom, the wind -being at south east, we left into the shore about a mile -distant from it we anchored that night. Here we rode -near ten days, refreshing our selves with what the -Island afforded, as Goats, Hogs, and fresh fish good -<span class='pageno' id='Page_302'>302</span>store. It is reported here are many fish rank poyson, -we did eat all sorts, as <em>Mullets</em>, <em>Lantarasks</em>, <em>Whiskers</em>, -<em>Rockfish and Garfish</em>, and many others, but found -no harm by feeding on them. We set sail hence and -about 28 Leagues distance from <em>Mauritius</em>, we pass’d -by an Island call’d the <em>Moschachenas</em>, near which we -sprung a leak, that each hour we pumpt above two -hundred and fifty strokes, it being gusty whether and -a great Sea out of the South-east, but by our Carpenters -it was happily stopt, although it was under -the next timber abaft the well near the Keel, which -by rummidging the Hold they found it so to be. The -next place we anchored at was the Island of <em>Johanna</em>, -here we had much lightning and thunder, the wind -having been out of the Sea in the day, and off shore -in the night. This place affordeth very good flesh -great quantity of fish and fowl, we had a Bullock for -ten long red Cornelion heads; we had also excellent -<em>Oranges</em> and <em>Lemmons</em>, the people are very loving and -friendly, having two Governours or Captains among -them, the one call’d <em>Androm Pela</em>, and the other -<em>Masse Core</em>, they desired of us no other money for -ought we bought than those red heads. Sailing from -hence we sprung our main top-mast, which our Carpenters -taking down fisht it and got it up again the -same day. On the third of <em>September</em> in latitude 16. d. -33 the wind at South east, we saw the Island of St. -<em>Helena</em>, to the west-ward of the Chappel thereof we -anchored a mile distant, the Captain caused the skiff -to be hoisted out and so my <em>Jinny</em>, the Scrivener, -Drugster, and Doctor <em>&c.</em> we landed at Lemmon-valley. -Here with some Guns we carried with us we -kill’d Hogs and Goats, otherwise it is hard to take -them, running at the sight of us up inaccessible craggy -Rocks. In ranging through the Isle, our men -<span class='pageno' id='Page_303'>303</span>found divers Oranges and Lemmon-trees but no fruit -thereon, the <em>Dutch</em> having been there as we suppose, -had gathered them, as appeared by their names -on certain Stones and Trees; we caught here <em>Mackrel</em>, -<em>Breams</em> and <em>Borettoes</em> good store.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><em class='gesperrt'><em>FINIS.</em></em></div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> -<div class='nf-center c009'> - <div>To the Reader instead of the <em>Errata</em>.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-b'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><i>The Author hath his faults the</i> Printer <i>too</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>All men whilst here do err, and so do you.</i></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c020'><i>And therefore</i> Reader <i>pardon the</i> Printer, <i>who -promises amendment; and I hope thy acceptance -of this and the fourth part already published will induce -me to finish this</i> Story <i>with a fifth & last part. -In the mean time the Author of this, hath lately written -Printed and Published, another Book entitled.</i></p> - -<p class='c020'><i>The</i> Unlucky Citizen, <i>experimentially described in -the various misfortunes of an</i> Unlucky Londoner. -<i>Calculated for the Meridian of this City: but may -serve by way of advice to all the Comonality of</i> England. -<i>More particularly to</i> Parents <i>and</i> Children, -Masters <i>and</i> Servants, Husbands <i>and</i> Wives. <i>Intermixed -with several Choice Novels, Stored with variety -of Examples and advice president and precept. Illustrated -with Pictures fitted to the several Stories.</i></p> - -<p class='c020'><i>And let me assure thee</i> Reader <i>that no more is promised -in the Title than is performed in the Book for it not only -equals this in relating variety of pleasant extravagancies -and other Novels but it is profitable in the many reflections -and good advices given to the</i> Reader, <i>and is intended -to be prosecuted in a second part wherein you shall -have not only real and true examples and experiences, -but also as good and sound advice as can be collected from -any Book either Morall or Divine which this age hath -produced. Therefore despise it not because of the</i> Unlucky -<i>Title, for it is or will be worthy of thy perusall.</i></p> - -<div class='tnotes'> - -<p class='c000'><a id='endnote'></a></p> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><span class='large'>Transcriber’s Note.</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c000'>While acknowledging the ‘To the Reader’ message at the end of the text, the -Printer’s lapses in spelling, capitalization, hyphenation and punctuation -have been corrected where they are obviously typographical.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The word ‘Gaol’ is printed, more often than not as ‘Goal’, and all -such instances are retained. There are two instance s (74.3 and 189.30) -where the first ‘d’ in ‘Landlady’ is missing, once on a end-of-line -hyphenation, and once midline. The remaining fifteen instances are -spelled as we would expect. In the summary of Chapter XXII, the word -‘youngmen’ appears. In the text, the phrase appears either as separate -words, or somewhat more frequently, with a hyphen, but never as a single -word.</p> - -<p class='c000'>Due to the variability of hyphenation, where a hyphenation occurs on a line -or page break, the hyphen is retained or removed based on the preponderance -of the same word elsewhere. Where there are no other or similar instances, -the decision was based on modern usage.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The header of Chapter XII was misprinted as ‘II’.</p> - -<p class='c000'>The following table summarizes the issues encountered, and their -resolution:</p> - -<table class='table0' summary=''> -<colgroup> -<col width='14%' /> -<col width='63%' /> -<col width='22%' /> -</colgroup> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_24.26'></a><a href='#corr24.26'>24.26</a></td> - <td class='c021'>(the time of child bearing being near approaching[,/)]</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_33.7'></a><a href='#corr33.7'>33.7</a></td> - <td class='c021'>they presenting me with Gloves[,]</td> - <td class='c022'>Added.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_36.33'></a><a href='#corr36.33'>36.33</a></td> - <td class='c021'>in my revenge upon my abus[i]er;</td> - <td class='c022'>Removed</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_45.4'></a><a href='#corr45.4'>45.4</a></td> - <td class='c021'>came running to[ to]</td> - <td class='c022'>Removed.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_46.9'></a><a href='#corr46.9'>46.9</a></td> - <td class='c021'>[(]endeavouring> to excuse himself,</td> - <td class='c022'>Probable, added.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_47.22'></a><a href='#corr47.22'>47.22</a></td> - <td class='c021'>but on looking on the pha[n]tasms</td> - <td class='c022'>Added.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_47.25'></a><a href='#corr47.25'>47.25</a></td> - <td class='c021'>thinking how this revengful[,] plot of mine</td> - <td class='c022'>Removed.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_51.26'></a><a href='#corr51.26'>51.26</a></td> - <td class='c021'>any time, [b/l]est thy breath for ever poyson my memory;</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_66.12'></a><a href='#corr66.12'>66.12</a></td> - <td class='c021'>[(]which he question’d</td> - <td class='c022'>Added.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_73.3'></a><a href='#corr73.3'>73.3</a></td> - <td class='c021'>that stood on yon[ ]der</td> - <td class='c022'>Removed.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_74.3'></a><a href='#corr74.3'>74.3</a></td> - <td class='c021'>to the same Gaol his Lan[d]lady,</td> - <td class='c022'>Added.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_76.34'></a><a href='#corr76.34'>76.34</a></td> - <td class='c021'>care of the [presevation] of my health</td> - <td class='c022'><em>sic</em></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_81.6'></a><a href='#corr81.6'>81.6</a></td> - <td class='c021'>promising the next morning a full accoun[s/t]</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_89.4'></a><a href='#corr89.4'>89.4</a></td> - <td class='c021'>one another[,/.] My Landlord loved his pleasure</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_95.29'></a><a href='#corr95.29'>95.29</a></td> - <td class='c021'>committed to the disciplination [a/o]f</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_125.12'></a><a href='#corr125.12'>125.12</a></td> - <td class='c021'>he continued stam[p]ing</td> - <td class='c022'>Added.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_135.14'></a><a href='#corr135.14'>135.14</a></td> - <td class='c021'>manner of Jov[i]al and Sprightly Recreations;</td> - <td class='c022'>Added.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_140.15'></a><a href='#corr140.15'>140.15</a></td> - <td class='c021'>what[ what] was his crime?</td> - <td class='c022'>Removed.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_150.33'></a><a href='#corr150.33'>150.33</a></td> - <td class='c021'>wretch, who did somwhat peniten[r/t]ly</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_152.11'></a><a href='#corr152.11'>152.11</a></td> - <td class='c021'>changed for one of that pri[e/c]e</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_179.29'></a><a href='#corr179.29'>179.29</a></td> - <td class='c021'>where the [t/r]hime ended;</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_187.22'></a><a href='#corr187.22'>187.22</a></td> - <td class='c021'>drank off our[ our] Wine cheerily</td> - <td class='c022'>Removed.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_188.23'></a><a href='#corr188.23'>188.23</a></td> - <td class='c021'>whilst my [Lady/Land]lady</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_189.30'></a><a href='#corr189.30'>189.30</a></td> - <td class='c021'>I knew the secrets of my Lan[d]-lady,</td> - <td class='c022'>Added.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_191.28'></a><a href='#corr191.28'>191.28</a></td> - <td class='c021'>her Friend the La[w]yer</td> - <td class='c022'>Added.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_212.18'></a><a href='#corr212.18'>212.18</a></td> - <td class='c021'>to contin[n/u]e by her</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_220.8'></a><a href='#corr220.8'>220.8</a></td> - <td class='c021'>the manner how, with[ with]</td> - <td class='c022'>Removed.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_228.6'></a><a href='#corr228.6'>228.6</a></td> - <td class='c021'>given instructions to his Boy what[ to] do</td> - <td class='c022'>Added.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_258.1'></a><a href='#corr258.1'>258.1</a></td> - <td class='c021'>who unaturally</td> - <td class='c022'><em>sic</em></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_263.13'></a><a href='#corr263.13'>263.13</a></td> - <td class='c021'>these 2 handsome young m[a/e]n</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_263.21'></a><a href='#corr263.21'>263.21</a></td> - <td class='c021'>she got some Lam[b/p] black</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_266.6'></a><a href='#corr266.6'>266.6</a></td> - <td class='c021'>one of the supposed young[-]men</td> - <td class='c022'>Added.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_269.21'></a><a href='#corr269.21'>269.21</a></td> - <td class='c021'>to invite him abroad to morr[r]ow,</td> - <td class='c022'>Removed.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_277.7'></a><a href='#corr277.7'>277.7</a></td> - <td class='c021'>t[r]ouble, but having been acquainted with all sorts</td> - <td class='c022'>Added.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_282.25'></a><a href='#corr282.25'>282.25</a></td> - <td class='c021'><em>Northerly</em> cou[r]se will go clear</td> - <td class='c022'>Added.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_284.2'></a><a href='#corr284.2'>284.2</a></td> - <td class='c021'>and my <em>Bantam</em> Comrades) Comrades[)/,] a shot came</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_302.3'></a><a href='#corr302.3'>302.3</a></td> - <td class='c021'>Imprimis so mu[e/c]h; lying by her side,</td> - <td class='c022'>Replaced.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c021'><a id='c_302.12'></a><a href='#corr302.12'>302.12</a></td> - <td class='c021'>Dischar[g]ing you of what we did intrust,</td> - <td class='c022'>Added.</td> - </tr> -</table> - -</div> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The English Rogue: Continued in the -Life of Meriton Latroon, And other , by Francis Kirkman - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ENGLISH ROGUE: CONTINUED *** - -***** This file should be named 52494-h.htm or 52494-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/2/4/9/52494/ - -Produced by KD Weeks, Chris Curnow and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -file was produced from images generously made available -by The Internet Archive) - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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