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diff --git a/old/orig5240-h/v3.htm b/old/orig5240-h/v3.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..584dcbe --- /dev/null +++ b/old/orig5240-h/v3.htm @@ -0,0 +1,2246 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html> +<head> +<title>The Confessions of Harry Lorrequer, Volume 3</title> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1"> + +<style type="text/css"> + <!-- + body {background:#faebd7; margin:10%; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; + margin-top: .75em; + margin-bottom: .75em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; } + HR { width: 33%; text-align: center; } + .figleft {float: left;} + .figright {float: right;} + .toc { margin-left: 15%; margin-bottom: 0em;} + CENTER { padding: 10px;} + // --> +</style> + +</head> +<body> + +<center> +<table summary="" cellPadding=4 border=3> +<tr><td> + + <a href="5240-h.htm">Main Index</a> +</td><td> + <a href="v2.htm">Previous Volume</a> +</td><td> + <a href="v4.htm">Next Volume</a> + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + + + +<br> + +<br> +<br><br> + +<h2>THE CONFESSIONS OF HARRY LORREQUER</h2> + +<h3>[By Charles James Lever (1806-1872)]</h3> + +<h3>Dublin</h3> + +<h3>MDCCCXXXIX.</h3> + +<br><br> +<h3>Volume 3.</h3> +<br><br> + +<center><img alt="bookcover.jpg (95K)" src="images/bookcover.jpg" height="986" width="650"> +</center> + +<br><br> +<br><br> + +<center><img alt="spine.jpg (51K)" src="images/spine.jpg" height="1207" width="650"> +</center> + +<br><br><br><br> + + +<center><img alt="titlepage.jpg (48K)" src="images/titlepage.jpg" height="1141" width="601"> +</center> + +<br><br><br><br> +<center> +[Note: Though the title page has no author's name inscribed,<br> +this work is generally attributed to Charles James Lever.] +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<h3><a name="The Inn at Munich">The Inn at Munich</a></h3> + + +<br><br> +<center> +<a href="images2/00a%20The%20Inn%20at%20Munich.jpg"><img alt="00a The Inn at Munich (96K)" +src="images/00a%20The%20Inn%20at%20Munich.jpg" height="1179" width="693" /></a> +<br> +Click on this or any of the following images<br> +to view the engraving in black and white detail. +</center> + +<br><br> + + + + +<br> +<br> +<br> + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> +<b> + + "We talked of pipe-clay regulation caps—<br /> + Long twenty-fours—short culverins and mortars—<br /> + Condemn'd the 'Horse Guards' for a set of raps,<br /> + And cursed our fate at being in such quarters.<br /> + Some smoked, some sighed, and some were heard to snore;<br /> + Some wished themselves five fathoms 'neat the Solway;<br /> + And some did pray—who never prayed before—<br /> + That they might get the 'route' for Cork or Galway."<br /> + +</b> +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + +<br><br><br> + + +<h3>PLATES:</h3> + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + +<ol> + +<li><a href="#Mr. Burke's Enthusiasm for the Duke of Wellington">Mr. Burke's Enthusiasm +for the Duke of Wellington</a><br> + +<li><a href="#The Passport Office">The Passport +Office</a><br> + +</ol> + + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> + +<h3>CONTENTS:</h3> +<br> + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + + + <a href="#ch18">CHAPTER +XVIII</a> +<br> + Detachment +Duty—An Assize Town +<br> +<br> + <a href="#ch19">CHAPTER +XIX</a> +<br> + The Assize +Town +<br> +<br> + <a href="#ch20">CHAPTER +XX</a> +<br> + A Day in +Dublin +<br> +<br> + <a href="#ch21">CHAPTER +XXI</a> +<br> + A Night at +Howth +<br> +<br> + <a href="#ch22">CHAPTER +XXII</a> +<br> + The +Journey +<br> +<br> + <a href="#ch23">CHAPTER +XXIII</a> +<br> +Calais + + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + +<br> +<br> + + + + + + +<br> +<br> + +<h2><a name="ch18"></a>CHAPTER XVIII.</h2> + +<br> +<br> + +<h3>DETACHMENT DUTY—AN ASSIZE TOWN.</h3> + +<br> +<br> + +<P>As there appeared to be but little prospect of poor Fitzgerald ever +requiring any explanation from me as to the events of that morning, for +he feared to venture from his room, lest he might be recognised and +prosecuted for abduction, I thought it better to keep my own secret also; +and it was therefore with a feeling of any thing but regret, that I +received an order which, under other circumstances, would have rendered +me miserable—to march on detachment duty. To any one at all conversant +with the life we lead in the army, I need not say how unpleasant such a +change usually is. To surrender your capital mess, with all its +well-appointed equipments—your jovial brother officers—hourly flirtations +with the whole female population—never a deficient one in a garrison +town—not to speak of your matches at trotting, coursing, and +pigeon-shooting, and a hundred other delectable modes of getting over the ground +through life, till it please your ungrateful country and the Horse Guards +to make you a major-general—to surrender all these, I say, for the +noise, dust, and damp disagreeables of a country inn, with bacon to eat, +whiskey to drink, and the priest, or the constabulary chief, to get drunk +with—I speak of Ireland here—and your only affair, par amours, being +the occasional ogling of the apothecary's daughter opposite, as often as +she visits the shop, in the soi disant occupation of measuring out garden +seeds and senna. These are indeed, the exchanges with a difference, for +which there is no compensation; and, for my own part, I never went upon +such duty, that I did not exclaim with the honest Irishman, when the mail +went over him, "Oh, Lord! what is this for?"—firmly believing that in +the earthly purgatory of such duties, I was reaping the heavy retribution +attendant on past offences. + +<P>Besides, from being rather a crack man in my corps, I thought it somewhat +hard that my turn for such duty should come round about twice as often as +that of my brother officers; but so it is—I never knew a fellow a little +smarter than his neighbours, that was not pounced upon by his colonel for +a victim. Now, however, I looked at these matters in a very different +light. To leave head-quarters was to escape being questioned; while +there was scarcely any post to which I could be sent, where something +strange or adventurous might not turn up, and serve me to erase the +memory of the past, and turn the attention of my companions in any +quarter rather than towards myself. + +<P>My orders on the present occasion were to march to Clonmel; from whence I +was to proceed a short distance to the house of a magistrate, upon whose +information, transmitted to the Chief Secretary, the present assistance +of a military party had been obtained; and not without every appearance +of reason. The assizes of the town were about to be held, and many +capital offences stood for trial in the calendar; and as it was strongly +rumoured that, in the event of certain convictions being obtained, a +rescue would be attempted, a general attack upon the town seemed a too +natural consequence; and if so, the house of so obnoxious a person as him +I have alluded to, would be equally certain of being assailed. Such, at +least, is too frequently the history of such scenes, beginning with no +one definite object: sometimes a slight one—more ample views and wider +conceptions of mischief follow; and what has begun in a drunken riot—a +casual rencontre—may terminate in the slaughter of a family, or the +burning of a village. The finest peasantry—God bless them—are a vif +people, and quicker at taking a hint than most others, and have, withal, +a natural taste for fighting, that no acquired habits of other nations +can pretend to vie with. + +<P>As the worthy person to whose house I was now about to proceed was, and +if I am rightly informed is, rather a remarkable character in the local +history of Irish politics, I may as well say a few words concerning him. +Mr. Joseph Larkins, Esq.—(for so he signed himself)—had only been +lately elevated to the bench of magistrates. He was originally one of +that large but intelligent class called in Ireland "small farmers;" +remarkable chiefly for a considerable tact in driving hard bargains—a +great skill in wethers—a rather national dislike to pay all species of +imposts, whether partaking of the nature of tax, tithe, grand jury cess, +or any thing of that nature whatsoever. So very accountable—I had +almost said, (for I have been long quartered in Ireland,) so very +laudable a propensity, excited but little of surprise or astonishment in +his neighbours, the majority of whom entertained very similar +views—none, however, possessing any thing like the able and lawyer-like ability +of the worthy Larkins, for the successful evasion of these inroads upon +the liberty of the subject. Such, in fact, was his talent, and so great +his success in this respect, that he had established what, if it did not +actually amount to a statute of exemption in law, served equally well in +reality; and for several years he enjoyed a perfect immunity on the +subject of money-paying in general. His "little houldin'," as he +unostentatiously called some five hundred acres of bog, mountain, and +sheep-walk, lay in a remote part of the county, the roads were nearly +impassable for several miles in that direction, land was of little value; +the agent was a timid man, with a large family; of three tithe-proctors +who had penetrated into the forbidden territory, two laboured under a +dyspepsia for life, not being able to digest parchment and sealing-wax, +for they usually dined on their own writs; and the third gave five pounds +out of his pocket, to a large, fresh-looking man, with brown whiskers and +beard, that concealed him two nights in a hay-loft, to escape the +vengeance of the people, which act of philanthropy should never be +forgotten, if some ill-natured people were not bold enough to say the +kind individual in question was no other man than— + +<P>However this may be, true it is that this was the last attempt made to +bring within the responsibilities of the law so refractory a subject; and +so powerful is habit, that although he was to be met with at every market +and cattle-fair in the county, an arrest of his person was no more +contemplated than if he enjoyed the privilege of parliament to go at +large without danger. + +<P>When the country became disturbed, and nightly meetings of the peasantry +were constantly held, followed by outrages against life and property to +the most frightful extent, the usual resources of the law were employed +unavailingly. It was in vain to offer high rewards. Approvers could not +be found; and so perfectly organized were the secret associations, that +few beyond the very ringleaders knew any thing of consequence to +communicate. Special commissions were sent down from Dublin; additional +police force, detachments of military; long correspondences took place +between the magistracy and the government—but all in vain. The +disturbances continued; and at last to such a height had they risen, that +the country was put under martial law; and even this was ultimately found +perfectly insufficient to repel what now daily threatened to become an +open rebellion rather than mere agrarian disturbance. It was at this +precise moment, when all resources seemed to be fast exhausting +themselves, that certain information reached the Castle, of the most +important nature. The individual who obtained and transmitted it, had +perilled his life in so doing—but the result was a great one—no less +than the capital conviction and execution of seven of the most +influential amongst the disaffected peasantry. Confidence was at once +shaken in the secrecy of their associates; distrust and suspicion +followed. Many of the boldest sunk beneath the fear of betrayal, and +themselves, became evidence for the crown; and in five months, a county +shaken with midnight meetings, and blazing with insurrectionary fires, +became almost the most tranquil in its province. It may well be +believed, that he who rendered this important service on this trying +emergency, could not be passed over, and the name of J. Larkins soon +after appeared in the Gazette as one of his Majesty's justices of the +peace for the county; pretty much in the same spirit in which a country +gentleman converts the greatest poacher in his neighbourhood by making +him, his gamekeeper. + +<P>In person he was a large and powerfully built man, considerably above six +feet in height, and possessing great activity, combined with powers of +enduring fatigue almost incredible. With an eye like a hawk, and a heart +that never knew fear, he was the person, of all others, calculated to +strike terror into the minds of the country people. The reckless daring +with which he threw himself into danger—the almost impetuous quickness +with which he followed up a scent, whenever information reached him of an +important character—had their full effect upon a people who, long +accustomed to the slowness and the uncertainty of the law were almost +paralyzed at beholding detection and punishment follow on crime, as +certainly as the thunder-crash follows the lightning. + +<P>His great instrument for this purpose was the obtaining information from +sworn members of the secret societies, and whose names never appeared in +the course of a trial or a prosecution, until the measure of their +iniquity was completed, when they usually received a couple of hundred +pounds, blood-money, as it was called, with which they took themselves +away to America or Australia—their lives being only secured while they +remained, by the shelter afforded them in the magistrate's own house. +And so it happened that, constantly there numbered from ten to twelve of +these wretches, inmates of his family, each of whom had the burden of +participation in one murder at least, waiting for an opportunity to leave +the country, unnoticed and unwatched. + +<P>Such a frightful and unnatural state of things, can hardly be conceived; +and yet, shocking as it was, it was a relief to that which led to it. I +have dwelt, perhaps too long upon this painful subject; but let my reader +now accompany me a little farther, and the scene shall be changed. Does +he see that long, low, white house, with a tall, steep roof, perforated +with innumerable narrow windows. There are a few straggling beech trees, +upon a low, bleak-looking field before the house, which is called, par +excellence, the lawn; a pig or two, some geese, and a tethered goat are, +here and there musing over the state of Ireland, while some rosy +curly-headed noisy and bare-legged urchins are gamboling before the door. This +is the dwelling of the worshipful justice, to which myself and my party +were now approaching, with that degree of activity which attends on most +marches of twenty miles, under the oppressive closeness of a day in +autumn. Fatigued and tired as I was, yet I could not enter the little +enclosure before the house, without stopping for a moment to admire the +view before me. A large tract of rich country, undulating on every side, +and teeming with corn fields, in all the yellow gold of ripeness; here +and there, almost hid by small clumps of ash and alder, were scattered +some cottages, from which the blue smoke rose in a curling column into +the calm evening's sky. All was graceful, and beautifully tranquil; and +you might have selected the picture as emblematic of that happiness and +repose we so constantly associate with our ideas of the country; and yet, +before that sun had even set, which now gilded the landscape, its glories +would be replaced by the lurid glare of nightly incendiarism, and—but +here, fortunately for my reader, and perhaps myself, I am interrupted in +my meditations by a rich, mellifluous accent saying, in the true Doric of +the south— + +<P>"Mr. Loorequer! you're welcome to Curryglass, sir. You've had a hot day +for your march. Maybe you'd take a taste of sherry before dinner? Well +then, we'll not wait for Molowny, but order it up at once." + +<P>So saying, I was ushered into a long, low drawing-room, in which were +collected together about a dozen men, to whom I was specially and +severally presented, and among whom I was happy to find my boarding-house +acquaintance, Mr. Daly, who, with the others, had arrived that same day, +for the assizes, and who were all members of the legal profession, either +barristers, attorneys, or clerks of the peace. + +<P>The hungry aspect of the convives, no less than the speed with which +dinner made its appearance after my arrival, showed me that my coming was +only waited for to complete the party—the Mr. Molowny before alluded to, +being unanimously voted present. The meal itself had but slight +pretensions to elegance; there were neither vol au vents, nor croquettes; +neither were there poulets aux truffes, nor cotelletes a la soubise but +in their place stood a lordly fish of some five-and-twenty pounds weight, +a massive sirloin, with all the usual armament of fowls, ham, pigeon-pie, +beef-steak, lying in rather a promiscuous order along either side of +the table. The party were evidently disposed to be satisfied, and I +acknowledge, I did not prove an exception to the learned individuals +about me, either in my relish for the good things, or my appetite to +enjoy them. Dulce est desipere in loco, says some one, by which I +suppose is meant, that a rather slang company is occasionally good fun. +Whether from my taste for the "humanities" or not, I am unable to say, +but certainly in my then humour, I should not have exchanged my position +for one of much greater pretensions to elegance and ton. There was first +a general onslaught upon the viands, crashing of plates, jingling of +knives, mingling with requests for "more beef," "the hard side of the +salmon," or "another slice of ham." Then came a dropping fire of +drinking wine, which quickly increased, the decanters of sherry for about +ten minutes resting upon the table, about as long as Taglioni touches +this mortal earth in one of her flying ballets. Acquaintances were +quickly formed between the members of the bar and myself, and I found +that my momentary popularity was likely to terminate in my downfall; for, +as each introduction was followed by a bumper of strong sherry, I did not +expect to last till the end of the feast. The cloth at length +disappeared, and I was just thanking Providence for the respite from +hob-nobbing which I imagined was to follow, when a huge, square decanter of +whiskey appeared, flanked by an enormous jug of boiling water, and +renewed preparations for drinking upon a large scale seriously commenced. +It was just at this moment that I, for the first time, perceived the +rather remarkable figure who had waited upon us at dinner, and who, while +I chronicle so many things of little import, deserves a slight mention. +He was a little old man of about fifty-five or sixty years, wearing upon +his head a barrister's wig, and habited in clothes which originally had +been the costume of a very large and bulky person, and which, +consequently, added much to the drollery of his appearance. He had been, +for forty years, the servant of Judge Vandeleur, and had entered his +present service rather in the light of a preceptor than a menial, +invariably dictating to the worthy justice upon every occasion of +etiquette or propriety, by a reference to what "the judge himself" did, +which always sufficed to carry the day in Nicholas's favour, opposition +to so correct a standard, never being thought of by the justice. + +<P>"That's Billy Crow's own whiskey, the 'small still,'" said Nicholas, +placing the decanter upon the table, "make much of it, for there isn't +such dew in the county." + +<P>With this commendation upon the liquor, Nicholas departed, and we +proceeded to fill our glasses. + +<P>I cannot venture—perhaps it is so much the better that I cannot—to give +any idea of the conversation which at once broke out, as if the barriers +that restrained it had at length given way. But law talk in all its +plenitude, followed; and for two hours I heard of nothing but writs, +detainers, declarations, traverses in prox, and alibis, with sundry hints +for qui tam processes, interspersed, occasionally, with sly jokes about +packing juries and confusing witnesses, among which figured the usual +number of good things attributed to the Chief Baron O'Grady and the other +sayers of smart sayings at the bar. + +<P>"Ah!" said Mr. Daly, drawing a deep sigh at the same instant—"the bar is +sadly fallen off since I was called in the year seventy-six. There was +not a leader in one of the circuits at that time that couldn't puzzle +any jury that ever sat in a box; and as for driving through an act of +parliament, it was, as Sancho Panza says, cakes and gingerbread to them. +And then, there is one especial talent lost for ever to the present +generation—just like stained glass and illuminated manuscripts, and slow +poisons and the like—that were all known years ago—I mean the beautiful +art of addressing the judge before the jury, and not letting them know +you were quizzing them, if ye liked to do that same. Poor Peter Purcell +for that—rest his ashes—he could cheat the devil himself, if he had +need—and maybe he has had before now, Peter is sixteen years dead last +November." + +<P>"And what was Peter's peculiar tact in that respect, Mr. Daly?" said I. + +<P>"Oh, then I might try for hours to explain it to you in vain; but +I'll just give you an instance that'll show you better than all my +dissertations on the subject, and I was present myself when it happened, +more by token, it was the first time I ever met him on +circuit;— + +<p>"I suppose there is scarcely any one here now, except myself, that +remembers the great cause of Mills versus Mulcahy, a widow and others, +that was tried in Ennis, in the year '82. It's no matter if there is +not. Perhaps it may be more agreeable for me, for I can tell my story my +own version, and not be interrupted. Well, that was called the old +record, for they tried it seventeen times. I believe, on my conscience, +it killed old Jones, who was in the Common Pleas; he used to say, if he +put it for trial on the day of judgment, one of the parties would be sure +to lodge an appeal. Be that as it may, the Millses engaged Peter +special, and brought him down with a great retainer, in a chaise and +four, flags flying, and favors in the postillions' hats, and a fiddler on +the roof playing the 'hare in the corn.' The inn was illuminated the +same evening, and Peter made a speech from the windows upon the liberty +of the press and religious freedom all over the globe, and there wasn't a +man in the mob didn't cheer him, which was the more civil, because few of +them knew a word of English, and the others thought he was a play-actor. +But it all went off well, nevertheless, for Peter was a clever fellow; +and although he liked money well, he liked popularity more, and he never +went any where special that he hadn't a public meeting of some kind or +other, either to abolish rents, or suppress parsons, or some such popular +and beneficial scheme, which always made him a great favourite with the +people, and got him plenty of clients. But I am wandering from the +record. Purcell came down, as I said before, special for Mills; and when +he looked over his brief, and thought of the case, he determined to have +it tried by a gentlemen jury, for although he was a great man with the +mob, he liked the country gentlemen better in the jury box, for he was +always coming out with quotations from the classics, which, whether the +grand jury understood or not, they always applauded very much. Well, +when he came into court that morning, you may guess his surprise and +mortification to find that the same jury that had tried a common +ejectment case, were still in the box, and waiting, by the chief +justice's direction, to try Mills versus Mulcahy, the great case of the +assizes. + +<P>"I hear they were a set of common clod-hopping wretches, with frize coats +and brogues, that no man could get round at all, for they were as cunning +as foxes, and could tell blarney from good sense, rather better than +people with better coats on them. + +<P>"Now, the moment that Mr. Purcell came into the court, after bowing +politely to the judge, he looked up to the box, and when he saw the dirty +faces of the dealers in pork and potatoes, and the unshaven chins of the +small farmers, his heart fell within him, and he knew in a minute how +little they'd care for the classics—if he quoted Caesar's Commentaries +itself for them—ignorant creatures as they were! + +<P>"Well, the cause was called, and up gets Peter, and he began to +'express', (as he always called it himself,) 'the great distress his +client and himself would labour under, if the patient and most +intelligent jury then on the panel should come to the consideration of so +very tedious a case as this promised to be, after their already most +fatiguing exertions;' he commented upon their absence from their wives +and families, their farms neglected, their crops hazarded, and in about +fifteen minutes he showed them they were, if not speedily released and +sent home, worse treated and harder used than many of the prisoners +condemned to three months imprisonment; and actually so far worked upon +the feelings of the chief himself, that he turned to the foreman of the +jury, and said, 'that although it was a great deviation from his habitual +practice, if at this pressing season their prospects were involved to the +extent the learned counsel had pictured, why then, that he would so far +bend his practice on this occasion, and they should be dismissed.' Now +Peter, I must confess, here showed the most culpable ignorance in not +knowing that a set of country fellows, put up in a jury box, would rather +let every glade of corn rot in the ground, than give up what they always +supposed so very respectable an appointment; for they invariably imagine +in these cases that they are something very like my lord the judge, +'barrin' the ermine;' besides, that on the present occasion, Peter's +argument in their favour decided them upon staying, for they now felt +like martyrs, and firmly believed that they were putting the chief +justice under an obligation to them for life. + +<P>"When, therefore, they heard the question of the court, it did not take a +moment's time for the whole body to rise en masses and bowing to the +judge, call out, 'We'll stay, my lord, and try every mother's son of them +for you; ay, if it lasted till Christmas. + +<P>"'I am sure, my lord,' said Peter, collecting himself for an effort, 'I +cannot sufficiently express my gratitude for the great sacrifice these +gifted and highly intelligent gentlemen are making in my client's behalf; +for being persons who have great interests in the country at stake, their +conduct on the present occasion is the more praiseworthy; and I am +certain they fully appreciate, as does your lordship, the difficulty of +the case before us, when documents will be submitted, requiring a certain +degree of acquaintance with such testimonials sufficiently to comprehend. +Many of the title deeds, as your lordship is aware, being obtained under +old abbey charters, are in the learned languages; and we all know how +home to our hearts and bosoms comes the beautiful line of the Greek poet +'vacuus viator cantabit ante latronem.'" The sound of the quotation +roused the chief justice, who had been in some measure inattentive to the +preceding part of the learned counsel's address, and he called out rather +sharply, 'Greek! Mr. Purcell—why I must have mistaken—will you repeat +the passage?' + +<P>"'With pleasure, my lord. I was just observing to your lordship and the +jury, with the eloquent poet Hergesius, 'vacuus viator cantabit ante +latronem.' + +<P>"'Greek, did you call it?' + +<P>"'Yes, my lord, of course I did.' + +<P>"'Why, Mr. Purcell, you are quoting Latin to me—and what do you mean by +talking of the learned Hergesius, and Greek all this time?—the line is +Juvenal's.' + +<P>"'My lord, with much submission to your lordship, and every deference to +your great attainments and very superior talents, let me still assure you +that I am quoting Greek, and that your lordship is in error.' + +<P>"'Mr. Purcell, I have only to remark, that if you are desirous of making +a jest of the court, you had better be cautious, I say, sir;' and here +the judge waxed exceeding wroth. 'I say the line is Latin—Latin, sir, +Juvenal's Latin, sir—every schoolboy knows it.' + +<P>"'Of course, my lord,' said Peter, with great humility, 'I bow myself to +the decision of your lordship; the line is, therefore, Latin. Yet I may +be permitted to hint that were your lordship disposed to submit this +question, as you are shortly about to do another and a similar one, to +those clear-sighted and intelligent gentlemen there, I am satisfied, my +lord, it would be Greek to every man of them.' + +<P>"The look, the voice, and the peculiar emphasis with which Peter gave +these words, were perfectly successful. The acute judge anticipated the +wish of the counsel—the jury were dismissed, and Peter proceeded to his +case before those he knew better how to deal with, and with whom the +result was more certain to be as he wished it." + +<P>To this anecdote of the counsellor, succeeded many others, of which, as +the whiskey was potent and the hour late, my memory is not over +retentive: the party did not break up till near four o'clock; and even +then, our seance only concluded, because some one gravely remarked "that +as we should be all actively engaged on the morrow, early hours were +advisable." + +<hr> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> + +<h2><a name="ch19"></a>CHAPTER XIX.</h2> + +<br> +<br> + +<h3>THE ASSIZE TOWN.</h3> + +<br> +<br> + +<P>I had not been above a week in my new quarters, when my servant presented +me, among my letters one morning, with a packet, which with considerable +pains, I at length recognised to be directed to me. The entire envelope +was covered with writing in various hands, among which I detected +something which bore a faint resemblance to my name; but the address +which followed was perfectly unreadable, not only to me, as it appeared, +but also to the "experts" of the different post-offices, for it had been +followed by sundry directions to try various places beginning with T, +which seemed to be the letter commencing the "great unknown locality:" +thus I read "try Tralee," "try Tyrone," "try Tanderagee," I +wonder that they didn't add, "try Teheran," and I suppose they would at +last, rather than abandon the pursuit. + +<P>"But, Stubber," said I, as I conned over the various addresses on this +incomprehensible cover, "are you sure this is for me?" + +<P>"The postmaster, sir, desired me to ask you if you'd have it, for he has +offered it to every one down in these parts lately; the waterguard +officers will take it at 8d. Cir, if you won't, but I begged you might +have the refusal." + +<P>"Oh! very well; I am happy to find matters are managed so impartially in +the post-office here. Nothing like a public cant for making matters find +their true level. Tell the postmaster, then, I'll keep the letter, and +the rather, as it happens, by good luck, to be intended for me." + +<P>"And now for the interior," said I, as I broke the seal and read: +<blockquote><blockquote> +<P> "Paris, Rue Castiglione. + +<P> "My dear Mr. Lorrequer—As her ladyship and my son have in vain + essayed to get any thing from you in the shape of reply to their + letters, it has devolved upon me to try my fortune, which were I to + augur from the legibility of my writing, may not, I should fear, + prove more successful than the"—(what can the word be?) "the—the" + —why, it can't be damnable, surely?—no, it is amiable, + I see—"than the amiable epistle of my lady. I cannot, however, permit + myself to leave this without apprising you that we are about to + start for Baden, where we purpose remaining a month or two. Your + cousin Guy, who has been staying for some time with us, has been + obliged to set out for Geneva, but hopes to join in some weeks + hence. He is a great favourite with us all, but has not effaced the + memory of our older friend, yourself. Could you not find means to + come over and see us—if only a flying visit? Rotterdam is the + route, and a few days would bring you to our quarters. Hoping that + you may feel so disposed, I have enclosed herewith a letter to the + Horse Guards, which I trust may facilitate your obtaining leave of + absence. I know of no other mode of making your peace with the + ladies, who are too highly incensed at your desertion to send one + civil postscript to this letter; and Kilkee and myself are + absolutely exhausted in our defence of you. Believe me, yours + truly, + +<P> "Callonby." +</blockquote></blockquote> +<P>Had I received an official notification of my being appointed paymaster +to the forces, or chaplain to Chelsea hospital, I believe I should have +received the information with less surprise than I perused this +letter—that after the long interval which had elapsed, during which I had +considered myself totally forgotten by this family, I should now receive +a letter—and such a letter, too—quite in the vein of our former +intimacy and good feeling, inviting me to their house, and again +professing their willingness that I should be on the terms of our old +familiarity—was little short of wonderful to me. I read, too—with what +pleasure?—that slight mention of my cousin, whom I had so long regarded +as my successful rival, but who I began now to hope had not been +preferred to me. Perhaps it was not yet too late to think that all was +not hopeless. It appeared, too, that several letters had been written +which had never reached me; so, while I accused them of neglect and +forgetfulness, I was really more amenable to the charge myself; for, from +the moment I had heard of my cousin Guy's having been domesticated +amongst them, and the rumours of his marriage had reached me, I suffered +my absurd jealousy to blind my reason, and never wrote another line +after. I ought to have known how "bavarde" [boasting] Guy always +was—that he never met with the most commonplace attentions any where, that he +did not immediately write home about settlements and pin-money, and +portions for younger children, and all that sort of nonsense. Now I saw +it all plainly, and ten thousand times quicker than my hopes were +extinguished before were they again kindled, and I could not refrain from +regarding Lady Jane as a mirror of constancy, and myself the most +fortunate man in Europe. My old castle-building propensities came back +upon me in an instant, and I pictured myself, with Lady Jane as my +companion, wandering among the beautiful scenery of the Neckar, beneath +the lofty ruins of Heidelberg, or skimming the placid surface of the +Rhine, while, "mellowed by distance," came the rich chorus of a student's +melody, filling the air with its flood of song. How delightful, I +thought, to be reading the lyrics of Uhland, or Buerger, with one so +capable of appreciating them, with all the hallowed associations of the +"Vaterland" about us! Yes, said I aloud, repeating the well-known line +of a German "Lied"— +<center> +<P> "Bakranzt mit Laub, den lieben vollen Becher." +</center> +<P>"Upon my conscience," said Mr. Daly, who had for some time past been in +silent admiration of my stage-struck appearance—"upon my conscience, Mr. +Lorrequer, I had no conception you knew Irish." + +<P>The mighty talisman of the Counsellor's voice brought me back in a moment +to a consciousness of where I was then standing, and the still more +fortunate fact that I was only a subaltern in his majesty's __th—. + +<P>"Why, my dear Counsellor, that was German I was quoting, not Irish." + +<P>"With all my heart," said Mr. Daly, breaking the top off his third +egg—"with all my heart; I'd rather you'd talk it than me. Much conversation +in that tongue, I'm thinking, would be mighty apt to loosen one's teeth." + +<P>"Not at all, it is the most beautiful language in Europe, and the most +musical too. Why, even for your own peculiar taste in such matters, +where can you find any language so rich in Bacchanalian songs as German?" + +<P>"I'd rather hear the "Cruiskeen Lawn" or the "Jug of Punch" as my old +friend Pat. Samson could sing them, than a score of your high Dutch +jawbreakers." + +<P>"Shame upon ye, Mr. Daly; and for pathos, for true feeling, where is +there anything equal to Schiller's ballads?" + +<P>"I don't think I've ever heard any of his; but if you will talk of +ballads," said the Counsellor, "give me old Mosey M'Garry's: what's finer +than"—and here began, with a most nasal twang and dolorous emphasis, to +sing— +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + + "'And I stepp'd up unto her,<br /> + An' I made a congee—<br /> + And I ax'd her, her pardon<br /> + For the making so free.'<br /> + + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + +<P>"And then the next verse, she says— +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + + "'Are you goin' to undo me,<br /> + In this desert alone?'—<br /> + + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + +<P>"There's a shake there." + +<P>"For Heaven's sake," I cried, "stop; when I spoke of ballads, I never +meant such infernal stuff as that." + +<P>"I'll not give up my knowledge of ballads to any man breathing," said Mr. +Daly; "and, with God's blessing, I'll sing you one this evening, after +dinner, that will give you a cramp in the stomach." + +<P>An animated discussion upon lyrical poetry was here interrupted by a +summons from our host to set out for the town. My party were, by the +desire of the magistracy, to be in readiness near the court-house, in the +event of any serious disturbance, which there existed but too much reason +to fear from the highly excited state of feeling on the subject of the +approaching trials. The soldiers were, under the guidance of Mr. +Larkins, safely ensconced in a tan-yard; and I myself, having consigned +them for the present to a non-commissioned officer, was left at perfect +liberty to dispose of my time and person as it might please me. + +<P>While these arrangements were taking place, I had entirely lost sight of +Mr. Daly, under whose guidance and protection I trusted to obtain a place +within the bar to hear the trials; so that I was now perfectly alone, for +my host's numerous avocations entirely precluded any thought of my +putting myself under his care. + +<P>My first object was to reach the court-house, and there could be little +difficulty in finding it, for the throng of persons in the street were +all eagerly bending their way thither. I accordingly followed with the +stream, and soon found myself among an enormous multitude of frize-coated +and red-cloaked people, of both sexes, in a large open square, which +formed the market-place, one side of which was flanked by the +court-house—for as such I immediately recognized a massive-looking grey stone +building—in which the numerous windows, all open and filled with people, +exhaled a continued steam from the crowded atmosphere within. To +approach it was perfectly impossible: for the square was packed so +closely, that as the people approached, by the various streets, they were +obliged to stand in the avenues leading to it, and regard what was going +on from a distance. Of this large multitude I soon became one, hoping +that at length some fortunate opportunity might enable me to obtain +admission through some of my legal acquaintances. + +<P>That the fate of those who were then upon their trial for their lives +absorbed the entire feelings of those without, a momentary glance at the +hundreds of anxious and care-worn faces in the crowd, would completely +satisfy. Motionless and silent they stood: they felt no fatigue—no want +of food or refreshment—their interest was one and undivided—all their +hopes and fears were centered in the events then passing at a short +distance from them, but to which their ignorance imparted an additional +and more painful excitement—the only information of how matters were +going on being by an occasional word, sometimes a mere gesture from some +one stationed in the windows to a friend in the crowd. + +<P>When the contemplation of this singularly impressive scene was beginning +to weary from the irksomeness of my position, I thought of retiring: but +soon discovered how impossible was such a step. The crowd had blocked up +so completely all the avenues of approach, that even had I succeeded in +getting from the market-place, it would be only to remain firmly impacted +among the mob in the street. + +<P>It now also occurred to me, that although I had been assured by Larkins +no call could possibly be made upon my services or those of my party, +till after the trial, yet, were that to conclude at any moment, I should +be perfectly unable to regain the place where I had stationed them, and +the most serious consequences might ensue from the absence of their +officer, if the men were required to act. + +<P>From the time this thought took possession of me, I became excessively +uncomfortable. Every expression of the people that denoted the progress +of the trial, only alarmed me for the conclusion, which I supposed, might +not be distant, and I began, with all my ingenuity, to attempt my +retreat, which, after half an hour's severe struggle, I completely +abandoned, finding myself scarcely ten yards from where I started. + +<P>At length, the counsel for the crown, who had been speaking to evidence, +ceased; and an indistinct murmur was heard through the court-house, which +was soon repressed by the voice of the crier calling "silence." All now +seemed still and silent as the grave—yet, on listening attentively, for +some time, you could catch the low tones of a voice speaking, as it +appeared, with great deliberation and slowness. This was the judge +addressing the jury. In a short time this also ceased; and, for about +half an hour, the silence was perfectly unbroken, and both within and +without there reigned one intense and aching sense of anxiety that +absorbed every feeling, and imparted to every face an expression of +almost agonizing uncertainty. It was, indeed, a space well calculated to +excite such emotions. The jury had retired to deliberate upon their +verdict. At length a door was heard to open, and the footsteps of the +jury, as they resumed their places, sounded through the court, and were +heard by those without. How heavily upon many a stout heart those +footsteps fell! They had taken their seats—then came another +pause—after which the monotonous tones of the clerk of the court were heard, +addressing the jury for their verdict. As the foreman rises every ear is +bent—every eye strained—every heart-string vibrates: his lips move, but +he is not heard; he is desired by the judge to speak louder; the colour +mounts to his before bloodless face; he appears to labour for a few +seconds with a mighty effort, and, at last, pronounces the words, +"Guilty, my Lord—all guilty!" + +<P>I have heard the wild war-whoop of the red Indian, as, in his own pine +forest, he has unexpectedly come upon the track of his foe, and the +almost extinguished hope of vengeance has been kindled again in his cruel +heart—I have listened to the scarcely less savage hurra of a storming +party, as they have surmounted the crumbling ruins of a breach, and +devoted to fire and sword, with that one yell, all who await them—and +once in my life it has been my fortune to have heard the last yell of +defiance from a pirate crew, as they sunk beneath the raking fire of a +frigate, rather than surrender, and went down with a cheer of defiance +that rose even above the red artillery that destroyed but could not +subdue them;—but never, in any or all of these awful moments, did my +heart vibrate to such sounds as rent the air when the fatal "Guilty" was +heard by those within, and repeated to those without. It was not +grief—it was not despair—neither was it the cry of sharp and irrepressible +anguish, from a suddenly blighted hope—but it was the long pent-up and +carefully-concealed burst of feeling which called aloud for +vengeance—red and reeking revenge upon all who had been instrumental in the +sentence then delivered. It ceased, and I looked towards the +court-house, expecting that an immediate and desperate attack upon the building +and those whom it contained would at once take place. But nothing of the +kind ensued; the mob were already beginning to disperse, and before I +recovered perfectly from the excitement of these few and terrible +moments, the square was nearly empty, and I almost felt as if the wild +and frantic denunciation that still rang through my ears, had been +conjured up by a heated and fevered imagination. + +<P>When I again met our party at the dinner table, I could not help feeling +surprised on perceiving how little they sympathized in my feeling for the +events of the day; which, indeed, they only alluded to in a professional +point of view—criticising the speeches of the counsel on both sides, and +the character of the different witnesses who were examined. + +<P>"Well," said Mr. Daly, addressing our host, "you never could have had a +conviction to-day if it wasn't for Mike. He's the best evidence I ever +heard. I'd like to know very much how you ever got so clever a fellow +completely in your clutches?" + +<P>"By a mere accident, and very simply," replied the justice. "It was upon +one of our most crowded fair days—half the county was in town, when the +information arrived that the Walshes were murdered the night before, at +the cross-roads above Telenamuck mills. The news reached me as I was +signing some tithe warrants, one of which was against Mickey. I sent for +him into the office, knowing that as he was in the secret of all the evil +doings, I might as well pretend to do him a service, and offer to stop +the warrant, out of kindness as it were. Well, one way or another, he +was kept waiting for several hours while I was engaged in writing, and +all the country people, as they passed the window, could look in and see +Mickey Sheehan standing before me, while I was employed busily writing +letters. It was just at this time, that a mounted policeman rode in with +the account of the murder; upon which I immediately issued a warrant to +arrest the two MacNeills and Owen Shirley upon suspicion. I thought I +saw Mike turn pale, as I said the names over to the serjeant of police, +and I at once determined to turn it to account; so I immediately began +talking to Mickey about his own affairs, breaking off, every now and +then, to give some directions about the men to be captured. The crowd +outside was increasing every instant, and you need not have looked at +their faces twice, to perceive that they had regarded Mickey as an +approver; and the same night that saw the MacNeills in custody, witnessed +the burning of Sheehan's house and haggart, and he only escaped by a +miracle over to Curryglass, where, once under my protection, with the +imputation upon his character of having turned King's evidence, I had +little trouble in persuading him that he might as well benefit by the +report as enjoy the name without the gain. He soon complied, and the +convictions of this day are partly the result." + +<P>When the applause which greeted this clever stroke of our host had +subsided, I enquired what results might, in all likelihood, follow the +proceedings of which I had that day been a witness? + +<P>"Nothing will be done immediately," replied the justice, "because we +have a large force of police and military about us; but let either, or +unhappily both, be withdrawn, and the cry you heard given in the +market-place to-day will be the death-wail for more than one of those who are +well and hearty at this moment." + +<P>The train of thought inevitably forced upon me by all I had been a +spectator of during the day, but little disposed me to be a partaker in +the mirth and conviviality which, as usual, formed the staple of the +assize dinners of Mr. Larkins; and I accordingly took an early +opportunity to quit the company and retire for the night. + +<hr> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> + +<h2><a name="ch20"></a>CHAPTER XX.</h2> + +<br> +<br> + +<h3>A DAY IN DUBLIN.</h3> + +<br> +<br> + +<h3><a name= +"Mr. Burke's Enthusiasm for the Duke of Wellington">Mr. +Burke's Enthusiasm for the Duke of +Wellington</a></h3> + +<center> +<a href="images2/Ch%2020%20%20Mr%20Burkes%20Enthusiasm.jpg"> +<img alt="Ch 20 Mr Burke's Enthusiasm.jpg (77K)" src= +"images/Ch%2020%20%20Mr%20Burkes%20Enthusiasm.jpg" height="780" width="480"></a> +</center> + +<br> +<br> +<br> + +<P>On the third day of my residence at Curryglass, arrived my friend, +Mortimer, to replace me, bringing my leave from the colonel, and a most +handsome letter, in which he again glanced at the prospect before me in +the Callonby family, and hinted at my destination, which I had not +alluded to, adding, that if I made the pretence of study in Germany the +reason for my application at the Horse Guards, I should be almost certain +to obtain a six months' leave. With what spirits I ordered Stubber to +pack up my portmanteau, and secure our places in the Dublin mail for that +night, while I myself hurried to take leave of my kind entertainer and +his guests, as well as to recommend to their favor and attention my +excellent friend Mortimer, who, being a jovial fellow, not at all in +love, was a happy exchange for me, who, despite Daly's capital stories, +had spent the last two days in watching the high road for my successor's +arrival. + +<P>Once more then, I bade adieu to Curryglass and its hospitable owner, +whose labours for "justice to Ireland" I shall long remember, and +depositing myself in the bowels of his majesty's mail, gave way to the +full current of my hopes and imaginings, which at last ended in a sound +and refreshing sleep, from which I only awoke as we drew up at the door +of the Hibernian, in Dawson-street. + +<P>Even at that early hour there was considerable bustle and activity of +preparation, which I was at some loss to account for, till informed by +the waiter that there were upwards of three hundred strangers in the +house, it being the day of his majesty's expected arrival on his visit to +Ireland, and a very considerable section of the county Galway being at +that moment, with their wives and families, installed, for the occasion, +in this, their favourite hotel. + +<P>Although I had been reading of this approaching event every day for the +last three months, I could not help feeling surprised at the intense +appearance of excitement it occasioned, and, in the few minutes' +conversation I held with the waiter, learned the total impossibility of +procuring a lodging anywhere, and that I could not have a bed, even were +I to offer five guineas for it. Having, therefore, no inclination for +sleep, even upon easier terms, I ordered my breakfast to be ready at ten, +and set out upon a stroll through the town. I could not help, in my +short ramble through the streets, perceiving how admirably adapted were +the worthy Dublinites for all the honors that awaited them; garlands of +flowers, transparencies, flags, and the other insignia of rejoicing, were +everywhere in preparation, and, at the end of Sackville-street, a +considerable erection, very much resembling an impromptu gallows, was +being built, for the purpose, as I afterwards learnt, of giving the +worshipful the lord mayor the opportunity of opening the city gates to +royalty; creating the obstacle where none existed; being a very ingenious +conceit, and considerably Irish into the bargain. I could not help +feeling some desire to witness how all should go off, to use the +theatrical phrase; but, in my anxiety to get on to the continent, I at +once abandoned every thought of delay. When I returned to the +coffee-room of my hotel, I found it crowded to excess; every little table, +originally destined for the accommodation of one, having at least two, +and sometimes three occupants. In my hurried glance round the room, to +decide where I should place myself, I was considerably struck with the +appearance of a stout elderly gentleman, with red whiskers, and a high, +bald forehead; he had, although the day was an oppressively hot one, +three waistcoats on, and by the brown York tan of his long topped boots, +evinced a very considerable contempt either for weather or fashion; in +the quick glance of his sharp grey eye, I read that he listened half +doubtingly to the narrative of his companion, whose back was turned +towards me, but who appeared, from the occasional words which reached me, +to be giving a rather marvellous and melodramatic version of the expected +pleasures of the capital. There was something in the tone of the +speaker's voice that I thought I recognised; I accordingly drew near, and +what was my surprise to discover my friend Tom O'Flaherty. After our +first salutation was over, Tom presented me to his friend, Mr. Burke, of +somewhere, who, he continued to inform me, in a stage whisper, was a +"regular dust," and never in Dublin in his life before. + +<P>"And so, you say, sir, that his majesty cannot enter without the +permission of the lord mayor?" + +<P>"And the aldermen, too," replied Tom. "It is an old feudal ceremony; +when his majesty comes up to the gate, he demands admission, and the lord +mayor refuses, because he would be thus surrendering his great +prerogative of head of the city; then the aldermen get about him, and +cajole him, and by degrees he's won over by the promise of being +knighted, and the king gains the day, and enters." + +<P>"Upon my conscience, a mighty ridiculous ceremony it is, after all," said +Mr. Burke, "and very like a bargain for sheep in Ballinasloe fair, when +the buyer and seller appear to be going to fight, till a mutual friend +settles the bargain between them." + +<P>At this moment, Mr. Burke suddenly sprung from his chair, which was +nearest the window, to look out; I accordingly followed his example, and +beheld a rather ludicrous procession, if such it could be called, +consisting of so few persons. The principal individual in the group was +a florid, fat, happy-looking gentleman of about fifty, with a profusion +of nearly white whiskers, which met at his chin, mounted upon a sleek +charger, whose half-ambling, half-prancing pace, had evidently been +acquired by long habit of going in procession; this august figure was +habited in a scarlet coat and cocked hat, having aiguillettes, and all +the other appanage of a general officer; he also wore tight buckskin +breeches, and high jack-boots, like those of the Blues and Horse Guards; +as he looked from side to side, with a self-satisfied contented air, he +appeared quite insensible of the cortege which followed and preceded him; +the latter, consisting of some score of half-ragged boys, yelling and +shouting with all their might, and the former, being a kind of instalment +in hand of the Dublin Militia Band, and who, in numbers and equipment, +closely resembled the "army which accompanies the first appearance of +Bombastes." The only difference, that these I speak of did not play "the +Rogue's March," which might have perhaps appeared personal. + +<P>As this goodly procession advanced, Mr. Burke's eyes became riveted upon +it; it was the first wonder he had yet beheld, and he devoured it. "May +I ask, sir," said he, at length, "who that is?" + +<P>"Who that is!" said Tom, surveying him leisurely as he spoke; "why, +surely, sir, you must be jesting, or you would not ask such a question; +I trust, indeed, every one knows who he is. Eh, Harry," said he, looking +at me for a confirmation of what he said, and to which, of course, I +assented by a look. + +<P>"Well, but, my dear Mr. O'Flaherty, you forget how ignorant I am of every +thing here—" + +<P>"Ah, true," said Tom, interrupting; "I forgot you never saw him before." + +<P>"And who is he, sir?" + +<P>"Why, that's the Duke of Wellington." + +<P>"Lord have mercy upon me, is it?" said Mr. Burke, as he upset the table, +and all its breakfast equipage, and rushed through the coffee-room like +one possessed. Before I could half recover from the fit of laughing this +event threw me into, I heard him as he ran full speed down Dawson-street, +waving his hat, and shouting out at the top of his lungs, "God bless your +grace—Long life to your grace—Hurra for the hero of Waterloo; the great +captain of the age," ; which I grieve to say, for the ingratitude +of the individual lauded, seemed not to afford him half the pleasure, and +none of the amusement it did the mob, who reechoed the shouts and +cheering till he was hid within the precincts of the Mansion House. + +<P>"And, now," said Tom to me, "finish your breakfast as fast as possible; +for, when Burke comes back he will be boring me to dine with him, or some +such thing, as a kind of acknowledgment of his gratitude for showing him +the Duke. Do you know he has seen more wonders through my poor +instrumentality, within the last three days in Dublin than a six months' +trip to the continent would show most men. I have made him believe that +Burke Bethel is Lord Brougham, and I am about to bring him to a soiree at +Mi-Ladi's, who he supposes to be the Marchioness of Conyngham. Apropos +to the Bellissima, let me tell you of a 'good hit' I was witness to a few +nights since; you know, perhaps, old Sir Charles Giesecke, eh?" + +<P>"I have seen him once, I think—the professor of mineralogy." + +<P>"Well, poor old Sir Charles, one of the most modest and retiring men in +existence, was standing the other night among the mob, in one of the +drawing-rooms, while a waltzing-party were figuring away, at which, with +that fondness for 'la danse' that characterizes every German of any age, +he was looking with much interest, when my lady came tripping up, and the +following short dialogue ensued within my ear-shot:—" + +<P>"Ah, mon cher, Sir Charles, ravi de vous voir. But why are you not +dancing?" + +<P>"Ah, mi ladi, Je ne puis pas, c'est a dire, Ich kann es nicht; I am too +old; Ich bin—" + +<P>"Oh, you horrid man; I understand you perfectly. You hate ladies, that +is the real reason. You do—you know you do." + +<P>"Ah, my ladi, Gnaedige frau; glauben sie mir; I do loave de ladies; I do +adore de sex. Do you know, my ladi, when I was in Greenland I did keep +four womans." + +<P>"Oh, shocking, horrid, vile Sir Charles, how could you tell me such a +story? I shall die of it." + +<P>"Ah, mine Gott, mi ladi; sie irren sich, vous, vous trompez. You are +quite in mistake; it was only to row my boat!" + +<P>"I leave you to guess how my lady's taste for the broad-side of the +story, and poor Sir Charles's vindication of himself, in regard to his +estimation of 'le beau sexe,' amused all who heard it; as for me, I had +to leave the room, half-choked with suppressed laughter. And, now, let +us bolt, for I see Burke coming, and, upon my soul I am tired of telling +him lies, and must rest on my oars for a few hours at least." + +<P>"But where is the necessity for so doing?" said I, "surely, where there +is so much of novelty as a large city presents to a visitor for the first +time, there is little occasion to draw upon imagination for your facts." + +<P>"Ah, my dear Harry, how little do you know of life; there is a kind of +man whose appetite for the marvellous is such, that he must be crammed +with miracles or he dies of inanition, and you might as well attempt to +feed a tiger upon pate de foie gras, as satisfy him by mere naked +unvarnished truth. I'll just give you an easy illustration; you saw his +delight this morning when the 'Duke' rode past; well I'll tell you the +converse of that proposition now. The night before last, having nothing +better to do, we went to the theatre; the piece was 'La Perouse,' which +they have been playing here for the last two months to crowded houses, to +exhibit some North American Indians whom some theatrical speculator +brought over 'expres', in all the horrors of fur, wampum, and yellow +ochre. Finding the 'spectacle' rather uninteresting I leaned back in my +box, and fell into a doze. Meanwhile, my inquiring friend, Mr. Burke, +who felt naturally anxious, as he always does, to get au fond at matters, +left his place to obtain information about the piece, the audience, and, +above all, the authenticity of the Indians, who certainly astonished him +considerably. + +<P>"Now it so happened that about a fortnight previously some violent +passion to return home to their own country had seized these interesting +individuals, and they felt the most irresistible longing to abandon the +savage and unnatural condiments of roast beef and Guinness's porter, and +resume their ancient and more civilized habits of life. In fact, like +the old African lady, mentioned by the missionary at the Cape, they felt +they could die happy if they 'could only once more have a roast child for +supper,' and as such luxuries are dear in this country, stay another week +they would not, whatever the consequences might be; the manager reasoned, +begged, implored and threatened, by turns; all would not do, go they were +determined, and all that the unfortunate proprietor could accomplish was, +to make a purchase of their properties in fur, belts, bows, arrows, and +feathers, and get them away quietly, without the public being the wiser. +The piece was too profitable a one to abandon, so he looked about +anxiously, to supply the deficiency in his corps dramatique. For several +days nothing presented itself to his thoughts, and the public were +becoming more clamorous for the repetition of a drama which had greatly +delighted them. What was to be done? In a mood of doubt and uncertainty +the wretched manager was taking his accustomed walk upon the light-house +pier, while a number of unfortunate country fellows, bare legged and +lanky, with hay ropes fastening their old grey coats around them, were +standing beside a packet about to take their departure for England, for +the harvest. Their uncouth appearance, their wild looks, their violent +gestures, and, above all, their strange and guttural language, for they +were all speaking Irish, attracted the attention of the manager; the +effect, to his professional eye was good, the thought struck him at once. +Here were the very fellows he wanted. It was scarcely necessary to alter +any thing about them, they were ready made to his hand, and in many +respects better savages than their prototypes. Through the mediation of +some whiskey, the appropriate liquor in all treaties of this nature, a +bargain was readily struck, and in two hours more, 'these forty thieves' +were rehearsing upon the classic boards of our theatre, and once more, La +Perouse, in all the glory of red capital letters, shone forth in the +morning advertisements. The run of the piece continued unabated; the +Indians were the rage; nothing else was thought or spoken of in Dublin, +and already the benefit of Ashewaballagh Ho was announced, who, by the +by, was a little fellow from Martin's estate in Connemara, and one of the +drollest dogs I ever heard of. Well, it so happened that it was upon one +of their nights of performing that I found myself, with Mr. Burke, a +spectator of their proceedings; I had fallen into an easy slumber, while +a dreadful row in the box lobby roused me from my dream, and the loud cry +of 'turn him out,' 'pitch him over,' 'beat his brains out,' and other +humane proposals of the like nature, effectually restored me to +consciousness; I rushed out of the box into the lobby, and there, to my +astonishment, in the midst of a considerable crowd, beheld my friend, Mr. +Burke, belaboring the box-keeper with all his might with a cotton +umbrella of rather unpleasant proportions, accompanying each blow with an +exclamation of 'well, are they Connaughtmen, now, you rascal, eh? are +they all west of Athlone, tell me that, no? I wonder what's preventing +me beating the soul out of ye.' After obtaining a short cessation of +hostilities, and restoring poor Sharkey to his legs, much more dead than +alive from pure fright, I learned, at last, the teterrima causa belli. +Mr. Burke, it seems, had entered into conversation with Sharkey, the +box-keeper, as to all the particulars of the theatre, and the present piece, +but especially as to the real and authentic history of the Indians, whose +language he remarked, in many respects to resemble Irish. Poor Sharkey, +whose benefit-night was approaching, thought he might secure a friend for +life, by imparting to him an important state secret; and when, therefore, +pressed rather closely as to the 'savages' whereabout' resolved to try a +bold stroke, and trust his unknown interrogator. 'And so you don't +really know where they come from, nor can't guess?' 'Maybe, Peru,' said +Mr. Burke, innocently. 'Try again, sir,' said Sharkey, with a knowing +grin. 'Is it Behring's Straits?' said Mr. Burke. 'What do you think of +Galway, sir?' said Sharkey, with a leer intended to cement a friendship +for life; the words were no sooner out of his lips, than Burke, who +immediately took them as a piece of direct insolence to himself and his +country, felled him to the earth, and was in the act of continuing the +discipline when I arrived on the field of battle." + +<hr> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> + +<h2><a name="ch21"></a>CHAPTER XXI.</h2> + +<br> +<br> + +<h3>A NIGHT AT HOWTH.</h3> + +<br> +<br> + +<P>"And must you really leave us so soon," said Tom as we issued forth into +the street; "why I was just planning a whole week's adventure for you. +Town is so full of all kinds of idle people, I think I could manage to +make your time pass pleasantly enough." + +<P>"Of that," I replied, "I have little doubt; but for the reasons I have +just mentioned, it is absolutely necessary that I should not lose a +moment; and after arranging a few things here, I shall start to-morrow by +the earliest packet, and hasten up to London at once." + +<P>"By Jupiter," said Tom, "how lucky. I just remember something, which +comes admirably apropos. You are going to Paris—is it not so?" + +<P>"Yes, direct to Paris." + +<P>"Nothing could be better. There is a particularly nice person, a great +friend of mine, Mrs. Bingham, waiting for several days in hopes of a +chaperon to take care of herself and daughter—a lovely girl, only +nineteen, you wretch—to London, en route to the continent: the mamma +a delightful woman, and a widow, with a very satisfactory jointure—you +understand—but the daughter, a regular downright beauty, and a ward in +chancery, with how many thousand pounds I am afraid to trust myself to +say. You must know then they are the Binghams of—, upon my soul, I +forget where; but highly respectable." + +<P>"I regret I have not the pleasure of their acquaintance, and the more +because I shall not be able to make it now." + +<P>"As why?" said Tom gravely. + +<P>"Because, in the first place, I am so confoundedly pressed for time that +I could not possibly delay under any contingency that might arise; and +your fair friends are, doubtless, not so eagerly determined upon +travelling night and day till they reach Paris. Secondly, to speak +candidly, with my present hopes and fears weighing upon my mind, I should +not be the most agreeable travelling companion to two ladies with such +pretensions as you speak of; and thirdly,—" + +<P>"Confound your thirdly. I suppose we shall have sixteenthly, like a +Presbyterian minister's sermon, if I let you go on. Why, they'll not +delay you one hour. Mrs. Bingham, man, cares as little for the road as +yourself; and as for your petits soins, I suppose if you get the fair +ladies through the Custom-House, and see them safe in a London hotel, +it is all will be required at your hands." + +<P>"Notwithstanding all you say, I see the downright impossibility of my +taking such a charge at this moment, when my own affairs require all the +little attention I can bestow; and when, were I once involved with your +fair friends, it might be completely out of my power to prosecute my own +plans." + +<P>As I said this, we reached the door of a handsome looking house in +Kildare-street; upon which Tom left my arm, and informing me that he +desired to drop a card, knocked loudly. + +<P>"Is Mrs. Bingham at home," said he, as the servant opened the door. + +<P>"No sir, she's out in the carriage." + +<P>"Well, you see Harry, your ill luck befriends you; for I was resolved on +presenting you to my friends and leaving the rest to its merits." + +<P>"I can safely assure you that I should not have gone up stairs," said I. +"Little as I know of myself, there is one point of my character I have +never been deceived in, the fatal facility by which every new incident +or adventure can turn me from following up my best matured and longest +digested plans; and as I feel this weakness and cannot correct it; the +next best thing I can do is fly the causes." + +<P>"Upon my soul," said Tom, "you have become quite a philosopher since we +met. There is an old adage which says, 'no king is ever thoroughly +gracious if he has not passed a year or two in dethronement;' so I +believe your regular lady-killer—yourself for instance—becomes a very +quiet animal for being occasionally jilted. But now, as you have some +commissions to do, pray get done with them as fast as possible, and let +us meet at dinner. Where do you dine to-day?" + +<P>"Why, upon that point, I am at your service completely." + +<P>"Well, then, I have got a plan which I think will suit you. You said you +wished to go by Holyhead, for fear of delay; so, we'll drive down at six +o'clock to Skinner's and dine with him on board the packet at Howth. +Bring your luggage with you, and it will save you a vast deal of fuss and +trouble in the morning." + +<P>Nothing could be better management for me than this, so I accordingly +promised acquiescence; and having appointed a rendezvous for six o'clock, +bade O'Flaherty good by, inwardly rejoicing that my plans were so far +forwarded, and that I was not to be embarrassed with either Mrs. Bingham +or her daughter, for whose acquaintance or society I had no peculiar +ambition. + +<P>My commissions, though not very numerous, occupied the few hours which +remained, and it was already a few minutes past six o'clock when I took +my stand under the piazza of the Post Office to wait for O'Flaherty. I +had not long to do so, for immediately after I had reached the spot, he +arrived in an open barouche and four posters, with three other young men, +to whom he severally introduced me, but whose names I have totally +forgotten; I only remember that two of the party were military men then +quartered in town. + +<P>When I had taken my seat, I could not help whispering to Tom, that +although his friend Skinner might be "bon" for a visitation or two at his +dinner, yet as we were now so strong a party, it might be as well to dine +at the hotel. + +<P>"Oh," said he, "I have arranged all that; I have sent him a special +messenger two hours since, and so make your mind easy—we shall not be +disappointed, nor be short-taken." + +<P>Our drive, although a long one, passed quickly over, and before we had +reached our destination, I had become tolerably intimate with all the +party, who were evidently picked men, selected by O'Flaherty for a +pleasant evening. + +<P>We drove along the pier to the wharf, where the steamer lay, and were +received at once by Tom's friend with all the warm welcome and +hospitality of a sailor, united with the address and polish of a very +finished gentleman. As we descended the companion-ladder to the cabin, +my mind became speedily divested of any fears I might have indulged in, +as to the want of preparation of our entertainer. The table was covered +with all the appanage of handsome plate and cut glass, while the +side-tables glittered with a magnificent dessert, and two large wine-coolers +presented an array of champagne necks shining with their leaden cravats +that would have tempted an anchorite. + +<P>I remember very little else of that evening than the coup d'oeil I have +mentioned; besides, were my memory more retentive, I might scruple to +trespass farther on my reader's patience, by the detail of those +pleasures, which, like love-letters, however agreeable to the parties +immediately concerned, are very unedifying to all others. I do remember, +certainly, that good stories and capital songs succeeded each other with +a rapidity only to be equalled by the popping of corks; and have also a +very vague and indistinct recollection of a dance round the table, +evidently to finish a chorus, but which, it appears, finished me too, for +I saw no more that night. + +<P>How many men have commemorated the waking sensations of their fellow-men, +after a night's debauch; yet at the same time, I am not aware of any one +having perfectly conveyed even a passing likeness to the mingled throng +of sensations which crowd one's brain on such an occasion. The doubt of +what has passed, by degrees yielding to the half-consciousness of the +truth, the feeling of shame, inseparable except to the habitually +hard-goer, for the events thus dimly pictured, the racking headache and +intense thirst, with the horror of the potation recently indulged in: the +recurring sense of the fun or drollery of a story or an incident which +provokes us again to laugh despite the jarring of our brain from the +shaking. All this and more most men have felt, and happy are they when +their waking thoughts are limited to such, at such times as these—the +matter becomes considerably worse, when the following morning calls for +some considerable exertion, for which even in your best and calmest +moments, you only find yourself equal. + +<P>It is truly unpleasant, on rubbing your eyes and opening your ears, to +discover that the great bell is ringing the half-hour before your +quarterly examination at college, while Locke, Lloyd, and Lucian are +dancing a reel through your brain, little short of madness; scarcely less +agreeable is it, to learn that your friend Captain Wildfire is at the +door in his cab, to accompany you to the Phoenix, to stand within twelve +paces of a cool gentleman who has been sitting with his arm in Eau de +Cologne for the last half-hour, that he may pick you out "artist-like." +There are, besides these, innumerable situations in which our +preparations of the night would appear, as none of the wisest; but I +prefer going at once to my own, which, although considerably inferior in +difficulty, was not without its own "desagremens." + +<P>When I awoke, therefore, on board the "Fire-fly," the morning after our +dinner-party, I was perfectly unable, by any mental process within my +reach, to discover where I was. On ship-board I felt I must be—the +narrow berth—the gilded and panelled cabin which met my eye, through my +half-open curtains, and that peculiar swelling motion inseparable from a +vessel in the water, all satisfied me of this fact. I looked about me, +but could see no one to give me the least idea of my position. Could it +be that we were on our way out to Corfu, and that I had been ill for some +time past? + +<P>But this cabin had little resemblance to a transport; perhaps it might be +a frigate—I knew not. Then again, were we sailing, or at anchor, for +the ship was nearly motionless; at this instant a tremendous noise like +thunder crashed through my head, and for a moment I expected we had +exploded, and would be all blown up; but an instant after I discovered it +must be the escape of the steam, and that I was on board a packet ship. +Here, then, was some clue to my situation, and one which would probably +have elicited all in due season; but just at this moment a voice on deck +saved me from any further calculations. Two persons were conversing +whose voices were not altogether unknown to me, but why I knew not. + +<P>"Then, Captain, I suppose you consider this as an excellent passage." + +<P>"Yes, of course I do," replied the captain, "it's only five hours since +we left Howth, and now you see we are nearly in; if we have this run of +the tide we shall reach the Head before twelve o'clock." + +<P>"Ha! ha!" said I to myself, "now I begin to learn something. So we have +crossed the channel while I was sleeping—not the least agreeable thing +for a man to hear who suffers martyrdom from sea sickness—but let me +listen again." + +<P>"And that large mountain there—is that Snowdon?" + +<P>"No. You cannot see Snowdon; there is too much mist about it; that +mountain is Capel Carrig; and there that bold bluff to the eastward, that +is Penmen Mawr." + +<P>"Come, there is no time to be lost," thought I; so springing out of my +berth, accoutred as I was, in merely trowsers and slippers, with a red +handkerchief fastened night-cap fashion round my head, I took my way +through the cabin. + +<P>My first thought on getting upon my legs was how tremendously the vessel +pitched, which I had not remarked while in my berth, but now I could +scarce keep myself from falling at every step. I was just about to call +the steward, when I again heard the voices on deck. + +<P>"You have but few passengers this trip." + +<P>"I think only yourself and a Captain Lorrequer," replied the captain, +"who, by-the-by, is losing all this fine coast, which is certainly a +great pity." + +<P>"He shall not do so much longer," thought I; "for as I find that there are +no other passengers, I'll make my toilet on deck, and enjoy the view +besides." With this determination I ascended slowly and cautiously the +companion ladder, and stepped out upon the deck; but scarcely had I done +so, when a roar of the loudest laughter made me turn my head towards the +poop, and there to my horror of horrors, I beheld Tom O'Flaherty seated +between two ladies, whose most vociferous mirth I soon perceived was +elicited at my expense. + +<P>All the party of the preceding night were also there, and as I turned +from their grinning faces to the land, I saw, to my shame and confusion, +that we were still lying beside the pier at Howth; while the band-boxes, +trunks, and imperials of new arrivals were incessantly pouring in, as +travelling carriages kept driving up to the place of embarkation. I +stood perfectly astounded and bewildered—shame for my ridiculous costume +would have made me fly at any other time—but there I remained to be +laughed at patiently, while that villain O'Flaherty leading me passively +forward, introduced me to his friends—"Mrs. Bingham, Mr. Lorrequer; Mr. +Lorrequer, Miss Bingham. Don't be prepossessed against him, ladies, for +when not in love, and properly dressed, he is a marvellously well-looking +young gentleman; and as—" + +<P>What the remainder of the sentence might be, I knew not, for I rushed +down into the cabin, and locking the door, never opened it till I could +perceive from the stern windows that we were really off on our way to +England, and recognized once more the laughing face of O'Flaherty, who, +as he waved his hat to his friends from the pier, reminded them that +"they were under the care and protection of his friend Lorrequer, who, he +trusted, would condescend to increase his wearing apparel under the +circumstances." + +<hr> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> + +<h2><a name="ch22"></a>CHAPTER XXII.</h2> + +<br> +<br> + +<h3>THE JOURNEY.</h3> + +<br> +<br> + +<h3><a name="The Passport Office">The PassportOffice</a></h3> + +<center> +<a href="images2/Ch%2022%20%20The%20Passport%20Office.jpg"> +<img alt="Ch 22 The Passport Office.jpg (70K)" src= +"images/Ch%2022%20%20The%20Passport%20Office.jpg" height="780" width="480"></a> +</center> + +<br> +<br> +<br> + +<P>When I did at last venture upon deck, it was with a costume studiously +accurate, and as much of manner as I could possibly muster, to endeavour +at once to erase the unfortunate impression of my first appearance; this, +however, was not destined to be a perfectly successful manoeuvre, and I +was obliged after a few minutes to join the laugh, which I found could +not be repressed, at my expense. One good result certainly followed from +all this. I became almost immediately on intimate terms with Mrs. +Bingham and her daughter, and much of the awkwardness in my position as +their chaperon, which bon gre, mal gre I was destined to be, was at once +got over. Mrs. Bingham herself was of that "genre" of widow which comes +under the "fat, fair, and forty" category, with a never-ceasing flow of +high, almost boisterous, spirits—an excellent temper, good +health—and a well-stocked purse. Life to her was like a game of her favourite +"speculation." When, as she believed, the "company honest," and knew her +cards trumps, she was tolerably easy for the result. She liked +Kingstown—she liked short whist—she liked the military—she liked "the +junior bar," of which she knew a good number—she had a well furnished +house in Kildare-street—and a well cushioned pew in St. Anne's—she was +a favourite at the castle—and Dr. Labatt "knew her constitution." Why, +with all these advantages, she should ever have thought of leaving the +"happy valley" of her native city, it was somewhat hard to guess. Was it +that thoughts of matrimony, which the continent held out more prospect +for, had invaded the fair widow's heart? was it that the altered +condition to which politics had greatly reduced Dublin, had effected this +change of opinion? or was it like that indescribable longing for the +unknown something, which we read of in the pathetic history of the fair +lady celebrated, I believe, by Petrarch, but I quote from memory: +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + + "Mrs. Gill is very ill,<br /> + Nothing can improve her,<br /> + But to see the Tuillerie,<br /> + And waddle through the Louvre."<br /> + + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + +<P>None of these, I believe, however good and valid reasons in themselves, +were the moving powers upon the present occasion; the all-sufficient one +being that Mrs. Bingham had a daughter. Now Miss Bingham was Dublin too +—but Dublin of a later edition—and a finer, more hot-pressed copy than +her mamma. She had been educated at Mrs. Somebody's seminary in +Mountjoy-square—had been taught to dance by Montague—and had learned +French from a Swiss governess—with a number of similar +advantages—a very pretty figure—dark eyes—long eye-lashes and a dimple—and last, +but of course least, the deserved reputation of a large fortune. She had +made a most successful debut in the Dublin world, where she was much +admired and flattered, and which soon suggested to her quick mind, as it +has often done in similar cases to a young provincial debutante, not to +waste her "fraicheur" upon the minor theatres, but at once to appear upon +the "great boards;" so far evidencing a higher flight of imagination +and enterprise than is usually found among the clique of her early +associates, who may be characterized as that school of young ladies, +who like the "Corsair" and Dunleary, and say, "ah don't!" + +<P>She possessed much more common sense than her mamma, and promised under +proper advantages to become speedily quite sufficiently acquainted with +the world and its habitudes. In the meanwhile, I perceived that she ran +a very considerable risque of being carried off by some mustachoed Pole, +with a name like a sneeze, who might pretend to enjoy the entree into the +fashionable circles of the continent. + +<P>Very little study of my two fair friends enabled me to see thus much; and +very little "usage" sufficed to render me speedily intimate with both; +the easy bonhommie of the mamma, who had a very methodistical +appreciation of what the "connexion" call "creature comforts," amused me +much, and opened one ready path to her good graces by the opportunity +afforded of getting up a luncheon of veal cutlets and London porter, of +which I partook, not a little to the evident loss of the fair daughter's +esteem. + +<P>While, therefore, I made the tour of the steward's cell in search of +Harvey's sauce, I brushed up my memory of the Corsair and Childe Harold, +and alternately discussed Stilton and Southey, Lover and lobsters, Haynes +Bayley and ham. + +<P>The day happened to be particularly calm and delightful, so that we never +left the deck; and the six hours which brought us from land to land, +quickly passed over in this manner; and ere we reached "the Head," I had +become the warm friend and legal adviser of the mother; and with the +daughter I was installed as chief confidant of all her griefs and +sorrows, both of which appointments cost me a solemn promise to take care +of them till their arrival in Paris, where they had many friends and +acquaintances awaiting them. Here, then, as usual, was the invincible +facility with which I gave myself up to any one who took the trouble to +influence me. One thing, nevertheless, I was determined on, to let no +circumstance defer my arrival at Paris a day later than was possible: +therefore, though my office as chaperon might diminish my comforts en +route, it should not interfere with the object before me. Had my mind +not been so completely engaged with my own immediate prospects, when hope +suddenly and unexpectedly revived, had become so tinged with fears and +doubts as to be almost torture, I must have been much amused with my +present position, as I found myself seated with my two fair friends, +rolling along through Wales in their comfortable travelling +carriage—giving all the orders at the different hotels—seeing after the luggage +—and acting en maitre in every respect. + +<P>The good widow enjoyed particularly the difficulty which my precise +position, with regard to her and her daughter, threw the different +innkeepers on the road into, sometimes supposing me to be her husband, +sometimes her son, and once her son-in-law; which very alarming +conjecture brought a crimson tinge to the fair daughter's cheek, an +expression, which, in my ignorance, I thought looked very like an +inclination to faint in my arms. + +<P>At length we reached London, and having been there safely installed at +"Mivart's," I sallied forth to present my letter to the Horse Guards, +and obtain our passport for the continent. + +<P>"Number nine, Poland-street, sir" said the waiter, as I inquired the +address of the French Consul. Having discovered that my interview with +the commander-in-chief was appointed for four o'clock, I determined to +lose no time, but make every possible arrangement for leaving London in +the morning. + +<P>A cab quietly conveyed me to the door of the Consul, around which stood +several other vehicles, of every shape and fashion, while in the doorway +were to be seen numbers of people, thronging and pressing, like the Opera +pit on a full night. Into the midst of this assemblage I soon thrust +myself, and, borne upon the current, at length reached a small back +parlour, filled also with people; a door opening into another small room +in the front, showed a similar mob there, with the addition of a small +elderly man, in a bag wig and spectacles, very much begrimed with snuff, +and speaking in a very choleric tone to the various applicants for +passports, who, totally ignorant of French, insisted upon interlarding +their demands with an occasional stray phrase, making a kind of +tesselated pavement of tongues, which would have shamed Babel. Nearest +to the table at which the functionary sat, stood a mustachoed gentleman, +in a blue frock and white trowsers, a white hat jauntily set upon one +side of his head, and primrose gloves. He cast a momentary glance of a +very undervaluing import upon the crowd around him, and then, turning to +the Consul, said in a very soprano tone— + +<P>"Passport, monsieur!" + +<P>"Que voulez vous que je fasse," replied the old Frenchman, gruffly. + +<P>"Je suis j'ai—that is, donnez moi passport." + +<P>"Where do you go?" replied the Consul. + +<P>"Calai." + +<P>"Comment diable, speak Inglis, an I understan' you as besser. Your +name?" + +<P>"Lorraine Snaggs, gentilhomme." + +<P>"What age have you?—how old?" + +<P>"Twenty-two." + +<P>"C'est ca," said the old consul, flinging the passport across the table, +with the air of a man who thoroughly comprehended the applicant's +pretension to the designation of gentilhomme Anglais. + +<P>"Will you be seated ma'mselle?" said the polite old Frenchman, who had +hitherto been more like a bear than a human being—"Ou allez vous donc; +where to, ma chere?" + +<P>"To Paris, sir." + +<P>"By Calais?" + +<P>"No, sir; by Boulogne"— + +<P>"C'est bon; quel age avez vous. What old, ma belle?" + +<P>"Nineteen, sir, in June." + +<P>"And are you alone, quite, eh?" + +<P>"No, sir, my little girl." + +<P>"Ah! your leetel girl—c'est fort bien—je m'appercois; and your name?" + +<P>"Fanny Linwood, sir." + +<P>"C'est fini, ma chere, Mademoiselle Fanni Linwood," said the old man, as +he wrote down the name. + +<P>"Oh, sir, I beg your pardon, but you have put me down Mademoiselle, and— +and—you see, sir, I have my little girl." + +<P>"A c'est egal, mam'selle, they don't mind these things in France—au +plaisir de vous voir. Adieu." + +<P>"They don't mind these things in France," said I to myself, repeating the +old consul's phrase, which I could not help feeling as a whole chapter on +his nation. + +<P>My business was soon settled, for I spoke nothing but English—very +little knowledge of the world teaching me that when we have any favour, +however slight, to ask, it is always good policy to make the amende by +gratifying the amour propre of the granter—if, happily, there be an +opportunity for so doing. + +<P>When I returned to Mivart's, I found a written answer to my letter of the +morning, stating that his lordship of the Horse Guards was leaving town +that afternoon, but would not delay my departure for the continent, to +visit which a four month's leave was granted me, with a recommendation to +study at Weimar. + +<P>The next day brought us to Dover, in time to stroll about the cliffs +during the evening, when I again talked sentiment with the daughter till +very late. The Madame herself was too tired to come out, so that we had +our walk quite alone. It is strange enough how quickly this travelling +together has shaken us into intimacy. Isabella says she feels as if I +were her brother; and I begin to think myself she is not exactly like a +sister. She has a marvellously pretty foot and ancle. + +<P>The climbing of cliffs is a very dangerous pastime. How true the French +adage—"C'est plus facile de glisser sur la gazon que sur la glace." But +still nothing can come of it; for if Lady Jane be not false, I must +consider myself an engaged man. + +<P>"Well, but I hope," said I, rousing myself from a reverie of some +minutes, and inadvertently pressing the arm which leaned upon me—"your +mamma will not be alarmed at our long absence?" + +<P>"Oh! not in the least; for she knows I'm with you." + +<P>And here I felt a return of the pressure—perhaps also inadvertently +given, but which, whether or not, effectually set all my reasonings and +calculations astray; and we returned to the hotel, silent on both sides. + +<P>The appearance of la chere mamma beside the hissing tea-urn brought us +both back to ourselves; and, after an hour's chatting, we wished good +night, to start on the morrow for the continent. + +<hr> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> + +<h2><a name="ch23"></a>CHAPTER XXIII.</h2> + +<br> +<br> + +<h3>CALAIS.</h3> + +<br> +<br> + +<P>It was upon a lovely evening in autumn, as the Dover steam-boat rounded +the wooden pier at Calais, amid a fleet of small boats filled with eager +and anxious faces, soliciting, in every species of bad English and +"patois" [vulgar] French, the attention and patronage of the passengers. + +<P>"Hotel de Bain, mi lor'." + +<P>"Hotel d'Angleterre," said another, in a voice of the most imposing +superiority. "C'est superbe—pretty well." + +<P>"Hotel du Nord, votre Excellence—remise de poste and 'delays' (quere +relays) at all hours." + +<P>"Commissionaire, mi ladi," sung out a small shrill treble from the midst +of a crowded cock-boat, nearly swamped beneath our paddle-wheel. + +<P>What a scene of bustle, confusion, and excitement does the deck of a +steamer present upon such an occasion. Every one is running hither or +thither. "Sauve qui peut" is now the watch-word; and friendships, that +promised a life-long endurance only half an hour ago, find here a speedy +dissolution. The lady who slept all night upon deck, enveloped in the +folds of your Astracan cloak, scarcely deigns an acknowledgment of you, +as she adjusts her ringlets before the looking-glass over the stove in +the cabin. The polite gentleman, that would have flown for a reticule or +a smelling-bottle upon the high seas, won't leave his luggage in the +harbour; and the gallantry and devotion that stood the test of half a +gale of wind and a wet jacket, is not proof when the safety of a +carpet-bag or the security of a "Mackintosh" is concerned. + +<P>And thus here, as elsewhere, is prosperity the touchstone of good +feeling. All the various disguises which have been assumed, per viaggio, +are here immediately abandoned, and, stripped of the travelling costume +of urbanity and courtesy, which they put on for the voyage, they stand +forth in all the unblushing front of selfishness and self-interest. + +<P>Some tender scenes yet find their place amid the debris of this chaotic +state. Here may be seen a careful mother adjusting innumerable shawls +and handkerchiefs round the throat of a sea-green young lady with a +cough; her maid is at the same instant taking a tender farewell of the +steward in the after-cabin. + +<P>Here is a very red-faced and hot individual, with punch-coloured breeches +and gaiters, disputing "one brandy too much" in his bill, and vowing that +the company shall hear of it when he returns to England. There, a tall, +elderly woman, with a Scotch-grey eye, and a sharp cheek-bone, is +depositing within her muff various seizable articles, that, until now, +had been lying quietly in her trunk. Yonder, that raw-looking young +gentleman, with the crumpled frock-coat, and loose cravat, and sea-sick +visage, is asking every one "if they think he may land without a +passport." You scarcely recognise him for the cigar-smoking dandy of +yesterday, that talked as if he had lived half his life on the continent. +While there, a rather pretty girl is looking intently at some object in +the blue water, beside the rudder post. You are surprised you cannot +make it out; but then, she has the advantage of you, for the tall, +well-looking man, with the knowing whiskers, is evidently whispering something +in her ear. + +<P>"Steward, this is not my trunk—mine was a leather—" + +<P>"All the 'leathers' are gone in the first boat, sir." + +<P>"Most scandalous way of doing business." + +<P>"Trouble you for two-and-sixpence, sir." + +<P>"There's Matilda coughing again," says a thin, shrewish woman, with a +kind of triumphant scowl at her better half; "but you would have her wear +that thin shawl!" + +<P>"Whatever may be the fault of the shawl, I fancy no one will reproach her +ancles for thinness," murmurs a young Guard's man, as he peeps up the +companion-ladder. + +<P>Amid all the Babel of tongues, and uproar of voices, the thorough bass of +the escape steam keeps up its infernal thunders, till the very brain +reels, and, sick as you have been of the voyage, you half wish yourself +once more at sea, if only to have a moment of peace and tranquillity. + +<P>Numbers now throng the deck who have never made their appearance before. +Pale, jaundiced, and crumpled, they have all the sea-sick look and +haggard cheek of the real martyr—all except one, a stout, swarthy, +brown-visaged man, of about forty, with a frame of iron, and a voice like +the fourth string of a violincello. You wonder why he should have taken +to his bed: learn, then, that he is his Majesty's courier from the +foreign office, going with despatches to Constantinople, and that as he +is not destined to lie down in a bed for the next fourteen days, he is +glad even of the narrow resemblance to one, he finds in the berth of a +steam-boat. At length you are on shore, and marched off in a long +string, like a gang of convicts to the Bureau de l'octroi, and here is +begun an examination of the luggage, which promises, from its minuteness, +to last for the three months you destined to spend in Switzerland. At +the end of an hour you discover that the soi disant commissionaire will +transact all this affair for a few francs; and, after a tiresome wait in +a filthy room, jostled, elbowed, and trampled upon, by boors with sabots, +you adjourn to your inn, and begin to feel that you are not in England. + +<P>Our little party had but few of the miseries here recounted to contend +with. My "savoir faire," with all modesty be it spoken, has been long +schooled in the art and practice of travelling; and while our less +experienced fellow-travellers were deep in the novel mysteries of cotton +stockings and petticoats, most ostentatiously displayed upon every table +of the Bureau, we were comfortably seated in the handsome saloon of the +Hotel du Nord, looking out upon a pretty grass plot, surrounded with +orange trees, and displaying in the middle a jet d'eau about the size of +a walking stick. + +<P>"Now, Mr. Lorrequer," said Mrs. Bingham, as she seated herself by the +open window, "never forget how totally dependent we are upon your kind +offices. Isabella has discovered already that the French of +Mountjoy-square, however intelligible in that neighbourhood, and even as far as +Mount-street, is Coptic and Sanscrit here; and as for myself, I intend to +affect deaf and dumbness till I reach Paris, where I hear every one can +speak English a little." + +<P>"Now, then, to begin my functions," said I, as I rung for the waiter, and +ran over in my mind rapidly how many invaluable hints for my new position +my present trip might afford me, "always provided" (as the lawyers say,) +that Lady Jane Callonby might feel herself tempted to become my +travelling companion, in which case—But, confound it, how I am +castle-building again. Meanwhile, Mrs. Bingham is looking as hungry and +famished as though she would eat the waiter. Ha! this is the "carte." + +<P>"Allons faire petit souper." + +<P>"Cotelettes d'Agneau." + +<P>"Maionnaise d'homard." + +<P>"Perdreaux rouges aux truffes—mark that, aux truffes." + +<P>"Gelee au maraschin." + +<P>"And the wine, sir," said the waiter, with a look of approval at my +selection, "Champagne—no other wine, sir?" + +<P>"No," said I, "Champagne only. Frappe de glace, of course," I added, and +the waiter departed with a bow that would have graced St. James's. + +<P>As long as our immaterial and better part shall be doomed to keep company +with its fleshy tabernacle, with all its attendant miseries of gout and +indigestion, how much of our enjoyment in this world is dependent upon +the mere accessory circumstances by which the business of life is carried +on and maintained, and to despise which is neither good policy nor sound +philosophy. In this conclusion a somewhat long experience of the life of +a traveller has fully established me. And no where does it press more +forcibly upon the mind than when first arrived in a continental inn, +after leaving the best hotels of England still fresh in your memory. I +do not for a moment dispute the very great superiority in comfort of the +latter, by which I would be understood to mean all those resemblances to +one's own home which an English hotel so eminently possesses, and every +other one so markedly wants; but I mean that in contrivances to elevate +the spirit, cheer the jaded and tired wayfarer by objects which, however +they may appeal to the mere senses, seem, at least, but little sensual, +give me a foreign inn; let me have a large spacious saloon, with its +lofty walls and its airy, large-paned windows, (I shall not object if the +cornices and mouldings be gilded, because such is usually the case,)—let +the sun and heat of a summer's day come tempered through the deep +lattices of a well-fitting "jalousie," bearing upon them the rich incense +of a fragrant orange tree in blossom—and the sparkling drops of a +neighbouring fountain, the gentle plash of which is faintly audible amid +the hum of the drone-bee—let such be the "agremens" without—while +within, let the more substantial joys of the table await, in such guise +as only a French cuisine can present them—give me these, I say, and I +shall never sigh for the far-famed and long-deplored comforts of a box in +a coffee-room, like a pew in a parish church, though certainly not so +well cushioned, and fully as dull, with a hot waiter and a cold +beefsteak—the only thing higher than your game being your bill, and the +only thing less drinkable than your port being the porter. + +<P>With such exotic notions, figures vous, my dear reader, whether or not I +felt happy as I found myself seated between my two fair friends doing the +honours of a little supper, and assisting the exhilaration of our +champagne by such efforts of wit as, under favourable circumstances like +these, are ever successful—and which, being like the foaming liquid +which washes them down, to be swallowed without waiting, are ever +esteemed good, from the excitement that results, and never seriously +canvassed for any more sterling merit. Nothing ever makes a man so +agreeable as the belief that he is so: and certainly my fair companions +appeared to have the most excellent idea of my powers in that respect; +and I fancy, that I made more bon mots, hit off more epigrams, and +invented more choice incidents on that happy evening, than, if now +remembered, would suffice to pay my tailor's bill, when collated for +Bentley's Miscellany, and illustrated by Cruikshank—alas! that, like the +good liquor that seasoned them, both are gone by, and I am left but to +chronicle their memory of the fun, in dulness, and counterfeit the +effervescence of the grape juice, by soda water. One thing, however, is +certain—we formed a most agreeable party; and if a feeling of gloom ever +momentarily shot through my mind, it was, that evenings like these came +so rarely in this work-a-day world—that each such should be looked on, +as our last. + +<P>If I had not already shown myself up to my reader as a garcon volage of +the first water, perhaps I should now hesitate about confessing that I +half regretted the short space during which it should be my privilege to +act as the guide and mentor of my two friends. The impetuous haste which +I before felt necessary to exercise in reaching Paris immediately, was +not tempered by prudent thoughts about travelling at night, and +reflections about sun-stroke by day; and even moments most devoted to the +object of my heart's aspirations were fettered by the very philosophic +idea, that it could never detract from the pleasure of the happiness that +awaited me, if I travelled on the primrose path to its attainment. I +argued thus: if Lady Jane be true—if—if, in a word, I am destined to +have any success in the Callonby family, then will a day or two more not +risk it. My present friends I shall, of course, take leave of at Paris, +where their own acquaintances await them; and, on the other hand, should +I be doomed once more to disappointment, I am equally certain I should +feel no disposition to form a new attachment. Thus did I reason, and +thus I believed; and though I was a kind of consultation opinion among my +friends in "suits of love," I was really then unaware that at no time is +a man so prone to fall in love as immediately after his being jilted. If +common sense will teach us not to dance a bolero upon a sprained ancle, +so might it also convey the equally important lesson, not to expose our +more vital and inflammatory organ to the fire the day after its being +singed. + +<P>Reflections like these did not occur to me at this moment; besides that I +was "going the pace" with a forty-horse power of agreeability that left +me little time for thought—least of all, if serious. So stood matters. +I had just filled our tall slender glasses with the creaming and +"petillan" source of wit and inspiration, when the loud crack, crack, +crack of a postillion's whip, accompanied by the shaking trot of a heavy +team, and the roll of wheels, announced a new arrival. "Here they come," +said I, "only look at them—four horses and one postillion, all +apparently straggling and straying after their own fancy, but yet going +surprisingly straight notwithstanding. See how they come through that +narrow archway—it might puzzle the best four-in-hand in England to do it +better." + +<P>"What a handsome young man, if he had not those odious moustaches. Why, +Mr. Lorrequer, he knows you: see, he is bowing to you." + +<P>"Me! Oh! no. Why, surely, it must be—the devil—it is Kilkee, Lady +Jane's brother. I know his temper well. One five minutes' observation +of my present intimacy with my fair friends, and adieu to all hopes for +me of calling Lord Callonby my father-in-law. There is not therefore, a +moment to lose." + +<P>As these thoughts revolved through my mind, the confusion I felt had +covered my face with scarlet; and, with a species of blundering apology +for abruptly leaving them for a moment, I ran down stairs only in time +sufficient to anticipate Kilkee's questions as to the number of my +apartments, to which he was desirous of proceeding at once. Our first +greetings over, Kilkee questioned me as to my route—adding, that his now +was necessarily an undecided one, for if his family happened not to be at +Paris, he should be obliged to seek after them among the German +watering-places. "In any case, Mr. Lorrequer," said he, "we shall hunt them in +couples. I must insist upon your coming along with me." + +<P>"Oh! that," said I, "you must not think of. Your carriage is a coupe, +and I cannot think of crowding you." + +<P>"Why, you don't seriously want to affront me, I hope, for I flatter +myself that a more perfect carriage for two people cannot be built. +Hobson made it on a plan of my own, and I am excessively proud of it, +I assure you. Come, that matter is decided—now for supper. Are there +many English here just now?—By-the-by, those new 'natives' I think I saw +you standing with on the balcony—who are they?" + +<P>"Oh! the ladies—oh! Yes, people I came over with—" + +<P>"One was pretty, I fancied. Have you supped? Just order something, will +you—meanwhile, I shall write a few lines before the post +leaves."—Saying which, he dashed up stairs after the waiter, and left me to my +meditations. + +<P>"This begins to be pleasant," thought I, as the door closed, leaving me +alone in the "salon." In circumstances of such moment, I had never felt +so nonplussed as now, how to decline Kilkee's invitation, without +discovering my intimacy with the Binghams—and yet I could not, by any +possibility, desert them thus abruptly. Such was the dilemma. "I see +but one thing for it," said I, gloomily, as I strode through the +coffee-room, with my head sunk and my hands behind my back—"I see but one thing +left—I must be taken ill to-night, and not be able to leave my bed in +the morning—a fever—a contagious fever—blue and red spots all over +me—and be raving wildly before breakfast time; and if ever any discovery +takes place of my intimacy above stairs, I must only establish it as a +premonitory symptom of insanity, which seized me in the packet. And now +for a doctor that will understand my case, and listen to reason, as they +would call it in Ireland." With this idea uppermost, I walked out into +the court-yard to look for a commissionaire to guide me in my search. +Around on every side of me stood the various carriages and voitures of +the hotel and its inmates, to the full as distinctive and peculiar in +character as their owners. "Ah! there is Kilkee's," said I, as my eye +lighted upon the well-balanced and elegant little carriage which he had +been only with justice encomiumizing. "It is certainly perfect, and yet +I'd give a handful of louis-d'ors it was like that venerable cabriolet +yonder, with the one wheel and no shafts. But, alas! these springs give +little hope of a break down, and that confounded axle will outlive the +patentee. But still, can nothing be done?—eh? Come, the thought is a +good one—I say, garcon, who greases the wheels of the carriage here?" + +<P>"C'est moi, monsieur," said a great oaf, in wooden shoes and a blouse. + +<P>"Well, then, do you understand these?" said I, touching the patent +axle-boxes with my cane. + +<P>He shook his head. + +<P>"Then who does, here?" + +<P>"Ah! Michael understands them perfectly." + +<P>"Then bring him here," said I. + +<P>In a few minutes, a little shrewd old fellow, with a smith's apron, made +his appearance, and introduced himself as M. Michael. I had not much +difficulty in making him master of my plan, which was, to detach one of +the wheels as if for the purpose of oiling the axle, and afterwards +render it incapable of being replaced—at least for twenty-four hours. + +<P>"This is my idea," said I; "nevertheless, do not be influenced by me. +All I ask is, disable the carriage from proceeding to-morrow, and here +are three louis-d'ors at your service." + +<P>"Soyez bien tranquille, monsieur, mi lor' shall spend to-morrow in +Calais, if I know any thing of my art"—saying which he set out in search +of his tools, while I returned to the salon with my mind relieved, and +fully prepared to press the urgency of my reaching Paris without any +delay. + +<P>"Well, Mr. Lorrequer," said Kilkee, as I entered, "here is supper +waiting, and I am as hungry as a wolf." + +<P>"Oh! I beg pardon—I've been getting every thing in readiness for our +start to-morrow morning, for I have not told you how anxious I am to get +to Paris before the 8th—some family business, which requires my looking +after, compelling me to do so." + +<P>"As to that, let your mind be at rest, for I shall travel to-morrow night +if you prefer it. Now for the Volnay. Why you are not drinking your +wine. What do you say to our paying our respects to the fair ladies +above stairs? I am sure the petits soins you have practised coming over +would permit the liberty." + +<P>"Oh! hang it, no. There's neither of them pretty, and I should rather +avoid the risk of making a regular acquaintance with them" said I. + +<P>"As you like, then—only, as you'll not take any wine, let us have a +stroll through the town." + +<P>After a short stroll through the town, in which Kilkee talked the entire +time, but of what I know not, my thoughts being upon my own immediate +concerns, we returned to the hotel. As we entered the porte-couchere, my +friend Michael passed me, and as he took off his hat in salutation, gave +me one rapid glance of his knowing eye that completely satisfied me that +Hobson's pride in my friend's carriage had by that time received quite +sufficient provocation to throw him into an apoplexy. + +<P>"By-the-by," said I, "let us see your carriage. I am curious to look at +it"—(and so I was.) + +<P>"Well, then come along, this way; they have placed it under some of these +sheds, which they think coach-houses." + +<P>I followed my friend through the court till we arrived near the fatal +spot; but before reaching, he had caught a glimpse of the mischief, and +shouted out a most awful imprecation upon the author of the deed which +met his eye. The fore-wheel of the coupe had been taken from the axle, +and in the difficulty of so doing, from the excellence of the +workmanship, two of the spokes were broken—the patent box was a mass of +rent metal, and the end of the axle turned downwards like a hoe. + +<P>I cannot convey any idea of poor Kilkee's distraction; and, in reality, +my own was little short of it; for the wretch had so far out-stripped my +orders, that I became horrified at the cruel destruction before me. We +both, therefore, stormed in the most imposing English and French, first +separately and then together. We offered a reward for the apprehension +of the culprit, whom no one appeared to know, although, as it happened, +every one in a large household was aware of the transaction but the +proprietor himself. We abused all—innkeeper, waiters, ostlers, and +chambermaids, collectively and individually—condemned Calais as a den of +iniquity, and branded all Frenchmen as rogues and vagabonds. This seemed +to alleviate considerably my friend's grief, and excite my +thirst—fortunately, perhaps for us; for if our eloquence had held out much +longer, I am afraid our auditory might have lost their patience; and, +indeed, I am quite certain if our French had not been in nearly as +disjointed a condition as the spokes of the caleche, such must have been +the case. + +<P>"Well, Mr. Lorrequer, I suppose, then, we are not destined to be +fellow-travellers—for if you must go to-morrow—" + +<P>"Alas! It is imperative," said I. + +<P>"Then in any case, let us arrange where we shall meet, for I hope to be +in Paris the day after you." + +<P>"I'll stop at Meurice." + +<P>"Meurice, be it," said he, "so now good night, till we meet in Paris." + +<br> +<br> + + +<center> +<table summary="" cellPadding=4 border=3> +<tr><td> + + <a href="5240-h.htm">Main Index</a> +</td><td> + <a href="v2.htm">Previous Volume</a> +</td><td> + <a href="v4.htm">Next Volume</a> + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + + + +<br> + +<br> + + + +</body> +</html> + |