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While thus acknowledging a debt, I must also +avow that another motive strongly prompts me upon this occasion. I am +not aware of any one, to whom with such propriety a volume of anecdote +and adventure should be inscribed, as to one, himself well known as an +inimitable narrator. Could I have stolen for my story, any portion of +the grace and humour with which I have heard you adorn many of your own, +while I should deem this offering more worthy of your acceptance, I +should also feel more confident of its reception by the public. + +<p> With every sentiment of esteem and regard, + Believe me very faithfully yours, + THE AUTHOR +Bruxelles, December, 1839. + +<br><br><br><br><br> + +<h3>PREFATORY EPISTLE.</h3> + +<p>Dear Public, + +<p>When first I set about recording the scenes which occupy these pages, I +had no intention of continuing them, except in such stray and scattered +fragments as the columns of a Magazine (FOOTNOTE: The Dublin University +Magazine.) permit of; and when at length I discovered that some interest +had attached not only to the adventures, but to their narrator, I would +gladly have retired with my "little laurels" from a stage, on which, +having only engaged to appear between the acts, I was destined to come +forward as a principal character. + +<p>Among the "miseries of human life," a most touching one is spoken of—the +being obliged to listen to the repetition of a badly sung song, because +some well-wishing, but not over discreet friend of the singer has called +loudly for an encore. + +<p>I begin very much to fear that something of the kind has taken place +here, and that I should have acted a wiser part, had I been contented +with even the still small voice of a few partial friends, and retired +from the boards in the pleasing delusion of success; but unfortunately, +the same easy temperament that has so often involved me before, has been +faithful to me here; and when you pretended to be pleased, unluckily, I +believed you. + +<p>So much of apology for the matter—a little now for the manner of my +offending, and I have done. I wrote as I felt—sometimes in good +spirits, sometimes in bad—always carelessly—for, God help me, I can do +no better. + +<p>When the celibacy of the Fellows of Trinity College, Dublin, became an +active law in that University, the Board proceeded to enforce it, by +summoning to their presence all the individuals who it was well known had +transgressed the regulation, and among them figured Dr. S., many of whose +sons were at the same time students in the college. "Are you married, +Dr. S——-r?" said the bachelor vice-provost, in all the dignity and +pride of conscious innocence. "Married!" said the father of ten +children, with a start of involuntary horror;—"married?" "Yes sir, +married." "Why sir, I am no more married than the Provost." This was +quite enough—no further questions were asked, and the head of the +University preferred a merciful course towards the offender, to +repudiating his wife and disowning his children. Now for the +application. Certain captious and incredulous people have doubted the +veracity of the adventures I have recorded in these pages; I do not think +it necessary to appeal to concurrent testimony and credible witnesses for +their proof, but I pledge myself to the fact that every tittle I have +related is as true as that my name is Lorrequer—need I say more? + +<p>Another objection has been made to my narrative, and I cannot pass it by +without a word of remark;—"these Confessions are wanting in scenes of +touching and pathetic interest" (FOOTNOTE: We have the author's +permission to state, that all the pathetic and moving incidents of his +career he has reserved for a second series of "Confessions," to be +entitled "Lorrequer Married?"—Publisher's Note.)—true, quite true; but +I console myself on this head, for I remember hearing of an author whose +paraphrase of the book of Job was refused by a publisher, if he could not +throw a little more humour into it; and if I have not been more miserable +and more unhappy, I am very sorry for it on your account, but you must +excuse my regretting it on my own. Another story and I have done;—the +Newgate Calendar makes mention of a notorious housebreaker, who closed +his career of outrage and violence by the murder of a whole family, whose +house he robbed; on the scaffold he entreated permission to speak a few +words to the crowd beneath, and thus addressed them:—"My friends, it is +quite true I murdered this family; in cold blood I did it—one by one +they fell beneath my hand, while I rifled their coffers, and took forth +their effects; but one thing is imputed to me, which I cannot die without +denying—it is asserted that I stole an extinguisher; the contemptible +character of this petty theft is a stain upon my reputation, that I +cannot suffer to disgrace my memory." So would I now address you for all +the graver offences of my book; I stand forth guilty—miserably, palpably +guilty—they are mine every one of them; and I dare not, I cannot deny +them; but if you think that the blunders in French and the hash of +spelling so widely spread through these pages, are attributable to me; +on the faith of a gentleman I pledge myself you are wrong, and that I had +nothing to do with them. If my thanks for the kindness and indulgence +with which these hastily written and rashly conceived sketches have been +received by the press and the public, are of any avail, let me add, in +conclusion, that a more grateful author does not exist than + +<p>HARRY LORREQUER + +<br> +<br> +<br><br> + + +<h3>A WORD OF INTRODUCTION. +</h3> +<p>"Story! God bless you; I have none to tell, sir." + +<p>It is now many—do not ask me to say how many—years since I received +from the Horse Guards the welcome intelligence that I was gazetted to an +insigncy in his Majesty's __th Foot, and that my name, which had figured +so long in the "Duke's" list, with the words "a very hard case" appended, +should at length appear in the monthly record of promotions and +appointments. + +<p>Since then my life has been passed in all the vicissitudes of war and +peace. The camp and the bivouac—the reckless gaiety of the +mess-table—the comfortless solitude of a French prison—the exciting turmoils of +active service—the wearisome monotony of garrison duty, I have alike +partaken of, and experienced. A career of this kind, with a temperament +ever ready to go with the humour of those about him will always be sure +of its meed of adventure. Such has mine been; and with no greater +pretension than to chronicle a few of the scenes in which I have borne a +part, and revive the memory of the other actors in them—some, alas! Now +no more—I have ventured upon these "Confessions." + +<p>If I have not here selected that portion of my life which most abounded +in striking events and incidents most worthy of recording, my excuse is +simply, because being my first appearance upon the boards, I preferred +accustoming myself to the look of the house, while performing the "Cock," +to coming before the audience in the more difficult part of Hamlet. + +<p>As there are unhappily impracticable people in the world, who, as Curran +expressed it, are never content to know "who killed the gauger, if you +can't inform them who wore his corduroys"—to all such I would, in deep +humility, say, that with my "Confessions" they have nothing to do—I have +neither story nor moral—my only pretension to the one, is the detail of +a passion which marked some years of my life; my only attempt at the +other, the effort to show how prolific in hair-breadth 'scapes may a +man's career become, who, with a warm imagination and easy temper, +believes too much, and rarely can feign a part without forgetting that he +is acting. Having said thus much, I must once more bespeak the +indulgence never withheld from a true penitent, and at once begin my +"Confessions." + +<hr> + +<br><br><br><br> + +<h2><a name="ch1"></a>CHAPTER I.</h2> +<br> +<br> + +<h3>ARRIVAL IN +CORK—CIVIC FESTIVITIES—PRIVATE +THEATRICALS.</h3> + +<br> +<br> + +<h3><a name="Lorrequer On Parade">Lorrequer On Parade</a></h3> + +<center> + +<a href="images2/Ch%2001%20%20Lorrequer%20on%20Parade.jpg"> +<img alt="Ch 01 Lorrequer on Parade.jpg (69K)" src= +"images/Ch%2001%20%20Lorrequer%20on%20Parade.jpg" height="780" width="480"></a> +<br> +</center> + +<br> +<br> +<br> + + +<p>It was on a splendid morning in the autumn of the year 181_ that the +Howard transport, with four hundred of his Majesty's 4_th Regt., dropped +anchor in the beautiful harbour of Cove; the sea shone under the purple +light of the rising sun with a rich rosy hue, beautifully in contrast +with the different tints of the foliage of the deep woods already tinged +with the brown of autumn. Spike Island lay "sleeping upon its broad +shadow," and the large ensign which crowns the battery was wrapped around +the flag-staff, there not being even air enough to stir it. It was still +so early, that but few persons were abroad; and as we leaned over the +bulwarks, and looked now, for the first time for eight long years, upon +British ground, many an eye filled, and many a heaving breast told how +full of recollections that short moment was, and how different our +feelings from the gay buoyancy with which we had sailed from that same +harbour for the Peninsula; many of our best and bravest had we left +behind us, and more than one native to the land we were approaching had +found his last rest in the soil of the stranger. It was, then, with a +mingled sense of pain and pleasure, we gazed upon that peaceful little +village, whose white cottages lay dotted along the edge of the harbour. +The moody silence our thoughts had shed over us was soon broken: the +preparations for disembarking had begun, and I recollect well to this +hour how, shaking off the load that oppressed my heart, I descended the +gangway, humming poor Wolfe's well-known song— +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + + "Why, soldiers, why<br> + Should we be melancholy, boys?"<br> + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + +<p>And to this elasticity of spirits—whether the result of my profession, +or the gift of God—as Dogberry has it—I know not—I owe the greater +portion of the happiness I have enjoyed in a life, whose changes and +vicissitudes have equalled most men's. + +<p>Drawn up in a line along the shore, I could scarce refrain from a smile +at our appearance. Four weeks on board a transport will certainly not +contribute much to the "personnel" of any unfortunate therein confined; +but when, in addition to this, you take into account that we had not +received new clothes for three years—if I except caps for our +grenadiers, originally intended for a Scotch regiment, but found to be +all too small for the long-headed generation. Many a patch of brown and +grey, variegated the faded scarlet, "of our uniform," and scarcely a pair +of knees in the entire regiment did not confess their obligations to a +blanket. But with all this, we shewed a stout, weather-beaten front, +that, disposed as the passer-by might feel to laugh at our expense, very +little caution would teach him it was fully as safe to indulge it in his +sleeve. + +<p>The bells from every steeple and tower rung gaily out a peal of welcome +as we marched into "that beautiful city called Cork," our band playing +"Garryowen"—for we had been originally raised in Ireland, and still +among our officers maintained a strong majority from that land of punch, +priests, and potatoes—the tattered flag of the regiment proudly waving +over our heads, and not a man amongst us whose warm heart did not bound +behind a Waterloo medal. Well—well! I am now—alas, that I should say +it—somewhat in the "sear and yellow;" and I confess, after the +experience of some moments of high, triumphant feeling, that I never +before felt within me, the same animating, spirit-filling glow of +delight, as rose within my heart that day, as I marched at the head +of my company down George's-street. + +<p>We were soon settled in barracks; and then began a series of +entertainments on the side of the civic dignities of Cork, which soon led +most of us to believe that we had only escaped shot and shell to fall +less gloriously beneath champagne and claret. I do not believe there is +a coroner in the island who would have pronounced but the one verdict +over the regiment—"Killed by the mayor and corporation," had we so +fallen. + +<p>First of all, we were dined by the citizens of Cork—and, to do them +justice, a harder drinking set of gentlemen no city need boast; then we +were feasted by the corporation; then by the sheriffs; then came the +mayor, solus; then an address, with a cold collation, that left eight of +us on the sick-list for a fortnight; but the climax of all was a grand +entertainment given in the mansion-house, and to which upwards of two +thousand were invited. It was a species of fancy ball, beginning by a +dejeune at three o'clock in the afternoon, and ending—I never yet met +the man who could tell when it ended; as for myself, my finale partook a +little of the adventurous, and I may as well relate it. + +<p>After waltzing for about an hour with one of the prettiest girls I ever +set eyes upon, and getting a tender squeeze of the hand, as I restored +her to a most affable-looking old lady in a blue turban and a red velvet +gown who smiled most benignly on me, and called me "Meejor," I retired to +recruit for a new attack, to a small table, where three of ours were +quaffing "ponche a la Romaine," with a crowd of Corkagians about them, +eagerly inquiring after some heroes of their own city, whose deeds of +arms they were surprised did not obtain special mention from "the Duke." +I soon ingratiated myself into this well-occupied clique, and dosed them +with glory to their hearts' content. I resolved at once to enter into +their humour; and as the "ponche" mounted up to my brain I gradually +found my acquaintanceship extend to every family and connexion in the +country. + +<p>"Did ye know Phil Beamish of the 3_th, sir?" said a tall, red-faced, +red-whiskered, well-looking gentleman, who bore no slight resemblance to +Feargus O'Connor. + +<p>"Phil Beamish!" said I. "Indeed I did, sir, and do still; and there is +not a man in the British army I am prouder of knowing." Here, by the +way, I may mention that I never heard the name till that moment. + +<p>"You don't say so, sir?" said Feargus—for so I must call him, for +shortness sake. "Has he any chance of the company yet, sir?" + +<p>"Company!" said I, in astonishment. "He obtained his majority three +months since. You cannot possibly have heard from lately, or you would +have known that?" + +<p>"That's true, sir. I never heard since he quitted the 3_th to go to +Versailles, I think they call it, for his health. But how did he get the +step, sir?" + +<p>"Why, as to the company, that was remarkable enough!" said I, quaffing +off a tumbler of champagne, to assist my invention. "You know it was +about four o'clock in the afternoon of the 18th that Napoleon ordered +Grouchy to advance with the first and second brigade of the Old Guard and +two regiments of chasseurs, and attack the position occupied by Picton +and the regiments under his command. Well, sir, on they came, masked by +the smoke of a terrific discharge of artillery, stationed on a small +eminence to our left, and which did tremendous execution among our poor +fellows—on they came, Sir; and as the smoke cleared partially away we +got a glimpse of them, and a more dangerous looking set I should not +desire to see: grizzle-bearded, hard-featured, bronzed fellows, about +five-and-thirty or forty years of age; their beauty not a whit improved +by the red glare thrown upon their faces and along the whole line by each +flash of the long twenty-fours that were playing away to the right. Just +at this moment Picton rode down the line with his staff, and stopping +within a few paces of me, said, 'They're coming up; steady, boys; steady +now: we shall have something to do soon.' And then, turning sharply +round, he looked in the direction of the French battery, that was +thundering away again in full force, 'Ah, that must be silenced,' said +he, 'Where's Beamish?'—"Says Picton!" interrupted Feargus, his eyes +starting from their sockets, and his mouth growing wider every moment, as +he listed with the most intense interest. "Yes," said I, slowly; and +then, with all the provoking nonchalance of an Italian improvisatore, who +always halts at the most exciting point of his narrative, I begged a +listener near me to fill my glass from the iced punch beside him. Not a +sound was heard as I lifted the bumper to my lips; all were breathless in +their wound-up anxiety to hear of their countryman who had been selected +by Picton—for what, too, they knew not yet, and, indeed, at this instant +I did not know myself, and nearly laughed outright, for the two of our +men who had remained at the table had so well employed their interval of +ease as to become very pleasantly drunk, and were listening to my +confounded story with all the gravity and seriousness in the world. + +<p>"'Where's Beamish?' said Picton. 'Here, sir,' said Phil stepping out +from the line and touching his cap to the general, who, taking him apart +for a few minutes, spoke to him with great animation. We did not know +what he said; but before five minutes were over, there was Phil with +three companies of light-bobs drawn up at our left; their muskets at the +charge, they set off at a round trot down the little steep which closed +our flank. We had not much time to follow their movements, for our own +amusement began soon; but I well remember, after repelling the French +attack, and standing in square against two heavy charges of cuirassiers, +the first thing I saw where the French battery had stood, was Phil +Beamish and about a handful of brave fellows, all that remained from the +skirmish. He captured two of the enemy's field-pieces, and was 'Captain +Beamish' on the day after." + +<p>"Long life to him," said at least a dozen voices behind and about me, +while a general clinking of decanters and smacking of lips betokened that +Phil's health with all the honours was being celebrated. For myself, I +was really so engrossed by my narrative, and so excited by the "ponche," +that I saw or heard very little of what was passing around, and have only +a kind of dim recollection of being seized by the hand by "Feargus," who +was Beamish's brother, and who, in the fullness of his heart, would have +hugged me to his breast, if I had not opportunely been so overpowered as +to fall senseless under the table. + +<p>When I first returned to consciousness, I found myself lying exactly +where I had fallen. Around me lay heaps of slain—the two of "ours" +amongst the number. One of them—I remember he was the adjutant—held in +his hand a wax candle (three to the pound). Whether he had himself +seized it in the enthusiasm of my narrative of flood and field, or it had +been put there by another, I know not, but he certainly cut a droll +figure. The room we were in was a small one off the great saloon, and +through the half open folding-door I could clearly perceive that the +festivities were still continued. The crash of fiddles and French horns, +and the tramp of feet, which had lost much of their elasticity since the +entertainments began, rang through my ears, mingled with the sounds "down +the middle," "hands across," "here's your partner, Captain." What hour +of the night or morning it then was, I could not guess; but certainly the +vigor of the party seemed little abated, if I might judge from the +specimens before me, and the testimony of a short plethoric gentleman, +who stood wiping his bald head, after conducting his partner down +twenty-eight couple, and who, turning to his friend, said, "Oh, the distance is +nothing, but it is the pace that kills." + +<p>The first evidence I shewed of any return to reason, was a strong +anxiety to be at my quarters; but how to get there I knew not. The faint +glimmering of sense I possessed told me that "to stand was to fall," and +I was ashamed to go on all-fours, which prudence suggested. + +<p>At this moment I remembered I had brought with me my cane, which, from a +perhaps pardonable vanity, I was fond of parading. It was a present from +the officers of my regiment—many of them, alas, since dead—and had a +most splendid gold head, with a stag at the top—the arms of the +regiment. This I would not have lost for any consideration I can +mention; and this now was gone! I looked around me on every side; I +groped beneath the table; I turned the sleeping sots who lay about in no +very gentle fashion; but, alas, it was gone. I sprang to my feet and +only then remembered how unfit I was to follow up the search, as tables, +chairs, lights, and people seemed all rocking and waving before me. +However, I succeeded in making my way, through one room into another, +sometimes guiding my steps along the walls; and once, as I recollect, +seeking the diagonal of a room, I bisected a quadrille with such +ill-directed speed, as to run foul of a Cork dandy and his partner who were +just performing the "en avant:" but though I saw them lie tumbled in the +dust by the shock of my encounter—for I had upset them—I still held on +the even tenor of my way. In fact, I had feeling for but one loss; and, +still in pursuit of my cane, I reached the hall-door. Now, be it known +that the architecture of the Cork Mansion House has but one fault, but +that fault is a grand one, and a strong evidence of how unsuited English +architects are to provide buildings for a people whose tastes and habits +they but imperfectly understand—be it known, then, that the descent from +the hall-door to the street was by a flight of twelve stone steps. How I +should ever get down these was now my difficulty. If Falstaff deplored +"eight yards of uneven ground as being three score and ten miles a foot," +with equal truth did I feel that these twelve awful steps were worse to +me than would be M'Gillicuddy Reeks in the day-light, and with a head +clear from champagne. + +<p>While I yet hesitated, the problem resolved itself; for, gazing down upon +the bright gravel, brilliantly lighted by the surrounding lamps, I lost +my balance, and came tumbling and rolling from top to bottom, where I +fell upon a large mass of some soft substance, to which, in all +probability, I owe my life. In a few seconds I recovered my senses, and +what was my surprise to find that the downy cushion beneath, snored most +audibly! I moved a little to one side, and then discovered that in +reality it was nothing less than an alderman of Cork, who, from his +position, I concluded had shared the same fate with myself; there he lay, +"like a warrior taking his rest," but not with his "martial cloak around +him," but a much more comfortable and far more costly robe—a scarlet +gown of office—with huge velvet cuffs and a great cape of the same +material. True courage consists in presence of mind; and here mine came +to my aid at once: recollecting the loss I had just sustained, and +perceiving that all was still about me, with that right Peninsular maxim, +that reprisals are fair in an enemy's camp, I proceeded to strip the +slain; and with some little difficulty—partly, indeed, owing to my +unsteadiness on my legs—I succeeded in denuding the worthy alderman, who +gave no other sign of life during the operation than an abortive effort +to "hip, hip, hurra," in which I left him, having put on the spoil, and +set out on my way the the barrack with as much dignity of manner as I +could assume in honour of my costume. And here I may mention (en +parenthese) that a more comfortable morning gown no man ever possessed, +and in its wide luxuriant folds I revel, while I write these lines. + +<p>When I awoke on the following day I had considerable difficulty in +tracing the events of the past evening. The great scarlet cloak, +however, unravelled much of the mystery, and gradually the whole of my +career became clear before me, with the single exception of the episode +of Phil Beamish, about which my memory was subsequently refreshed—but I +anticipate. Only five appeared that day at mess; and, Lord! What +spectres they were!—yellow as guineas; they called for soda water +without ceasing, and scarcely spoke a word to each other. It was plain +that the corporation of Cork was committing more havoc among us than +Corunna or Waterloo, and that if we did not change our quarters, there +would be quick promotion in the corps for such as were "seasoned +gentlemen." After a day or two we met again together, and then what +adventures were told—each man had his own story to narrate; and from the +occurrences detailed, one would have supposed years had been passing, +instead of the short hours of an evening party. Mine were indeed among +the least remarkable; but I confess that the air of vraisemblance +produced by my production of the aldermanic gown gave me the palm above +all competitors. + +<p>Such was our life in Cork—dining, drinking, dancing, riding steeple +chases, pigeon shooting, and tandem driving—filling up any little +interval that was found to exist between a late breakfast, and the time +to dress for dinner; and here I hope I shall not be accused of a tendency +to boasting, while I add, that among all ranks and degrees of men, and +women too, there never was a regiment more highly in estimation than the +4_th. We felt the full value of all the attentions we were receiving; +and we endeavoured, as best we might, to repay them. We got up Garrison +Balls and Garrison Plays, and usually performed one or twice a week +during the winter. Here I shone conspicuously; in the morning I was +employed painting scenery and arranging the properties; as it grew later, +I regulated the lamps, and looked after the foot-lights, mediating +occasionally between angry litigants, whose jealousies abound to the full +as much, in private theatricals, as in the regular corps dramatique. +Then, I was also leader in the orchestra; and had scarcely to speak the +prologues. Such are the cares of greatness: to do myself justice, I did +not dislike them; though, to be sure, my taste for the drama did cost me +a little dear, as will be seen in the sequel. + +<p>We were then in the full career of popularity. Our balls pronounced the +very pleasantest; our plays far superior to any regular corps that had +ever honoured Cork with their talents; when an event occurred which threw +a gloom over all our proceedings, and finally put a stop to every project +for amusement, we had so completely given ourselves up to. This was no +less than the removal of our Lieutenant-Colonel. After thirty years of +active service in the regiment he then commanded, his age and +infirmities, increased by some severe wounds, demanded ease and repose; +he retired from us, bearing along with him the love and regard of every +man in the regiment. To the old officers he was endeared by long +companionship, and undeviating friendship; to the young, he was in every +respect as a father, assisting by his advice, and guiding by his counsel; +while to the men, the best estimate of his worth appeared in the fact, +that corporeal punishment was unknown in the corps. Such was the man we +lost; and it may well be supposed, that his successor, who, or whatever +he might be, came under circumstances of no common difficulty amongst us; +but, when I tell, that our new Lieutenant-Colonel was in every respect +his opposite, it may be believed how little cordiality he met with. + +<p>Lieutenant-Colonel Carden—for so I shall call him, although not his real +name—had not been a month at quarters, when he proved himself a regular +martinet; everlasting drills, continual reports, fatigue parties, and +ball practice, and heaven knows what besides, superseded our former +morning's occupation; and, at the end of the time I have metioned, we, +who had fought our way from Albuera to Waterloo, under some of the +severest generals of division, were pronounced a most disorderly and +ill-disciplined regiment, by a Colonel, who had never seen a shot fired but +at a review in Hounslow, or a sham-battle in the Fifteen Acres. The +winter was now drawing to a close—already some little touch of spring +was appearing; as our last play for the season was announced, every +effort to close with some little additional effort was made; and each +performer in the expected piece was nerving himself for an effort beyond +his wont. The Colonel had most unequivocally condemned these plays; but +that mattered not; they came not within his jurisdiction; and we took no +notice of his displeasure, further than sending him tickets, which were +as immediately returned as received. From being the chief offender, I +had become particularly obnoxious; and he had upon more than one occasion +expressed his desire for an opportunity to visit me with his vengeance; +but being aware of his kind intentions towards me, I took particular care +to let no such opportunity occur. + +<p>On the morning in question, then, I had scarcely left my quarters, when +one of my brother officers informed me that the Colonel had made a great +uproar, that one of the bills of the play had been put up on his +door—which, with his avowed dislike to such representations, he considered as +intended to insult him: he added, too, that the Colonel attributed it to +me. In this, however, he was wrong—and, to this hour, I never knew who +did it. I had little time, and still less inclination, to meditate upon +the Colonel's wrath—the theatre had all my thoughts; and indeed it was a +day of no common exertion, for our amusements were to conclude with a +grand supper on the stage, to which all the elite of Cork were invited. +Wherever I went through the city—and many were my peregrinations—the +great placard of the play stared me in the fact; and every gate and +shuttered window in Cork, proclaimed, +<br> + + <h3>"THE PART OF OTHELLO, BY MR. LORREQUER."</h3> +<br> + +<p>As evening drew near, my cares and occupations were redoubled. My Iago I +had fears for—'tis true he was an admirable Lord Grizzle in Tom +Thumb—but then—then I had to paint the whole company, and bear all their abuse +besides, for not making some of the most ill-looking wretches, perfect +Apollos; but, last of all, I was sent for, at a quarter to seven, to lace +Desdemona's stays. Start not, gentle reader—my fair Desdemona—she "who +might lie by an emperor's side, and command him tasks"—was no other than +the senior lieutenant of the regiment, and who was a great a votary of +the jolly god as honest Cassio himself. But I must hasten on—I cannot +delay to recount our successes in detail. Let it suffice to say, that, +by universal consent, I was preferred to Kean; and the only fault the +most critical observer could find to the representative of Desdemona, was +a rather unlady-like fondness for snuff. But, whatever little demerits +our acting might have displayed, were speedily forgotten in a champagne +supper. There I took the head of the table; and, in the costume of the +noble Moor, toasted, made speeches, returned thanks, and sung songs, till +I might have exclaimed with Othello himself, "Chaos was come again;"—and +I believe I owe my ever reaching the barrack that night to the kind +offices of Desdemona, who carried me the greater part of the way on her +back. + +<p>The first waking thoughts of him who has indulged over-night, was not +among the most blissful of existence, and certainly the pleasure is not +increased by the consciousness that he is called on to the discharge of +duties to which a fevered pulse and throbbing temples are but ill-suited. +My sleep was suddenly broken in upon the morning after the play, but a +"row-dow-dow" beat beneath my window. I jumped hastily from my bed, and +looked out, and there, to my horror, perceived the regiment under arms. +It was one of our confounded colonel's morning drills; and there he stood +himself with the poor adjutant, who had been up all night, shivering +beside him. Some two or three of the officers had descended; and the +drum was now summoning the others as it beat round the barrack-square. +I saw there was not a moment to lose, and proceeded to dress with all +despatch; but, to my misery, I discovered every where nothing but +theatrical robes and decorations—there lay a splendid turban, here a +pair of buskins—a spangled jacket glittered on one table, and a jewelled +scimitar on the other. At last I detected my "regimental small-clothes," + Most ignominiously thrust into a corner, in my ardour for my Moorish +robes the preceding evening. + +<p>I dressed myself with the speed of lightning; but as I proceeded in my +occupation-guess my annoyance to find that the toilet-table and glass, +ay, and even the basin-stand, had been removed to the dressing-room of +the theatre; and my servant, I suppose, following his master's example, +was too tipsy to remember to bring them back; so that I was unable to +procure the luxury of cold water—for now not a moment more remained—the +drum had ceased, and the men had all fallen in. Hastily drawing on my +coat, I put on my shako, and buckling on my belt as dandy-like as might +be, hurried down the stairs to the barrack-yard. By the time I got down, +the men were all drawn up in line along the square; while the adjutant +was proceeding to examine their accoutrements, as he passed down. +The colonel and the officers were standing in a group, but no conversing. +The anger of the commanding officer appeared still to continue, and there +was a dead silence maintained on both sides. To reach the spot where +they stood, I had to pass along part of the line. In doing so, how shall +I convey my amazement at the faces that met me—a general titter ran +along the entire rank, which not even their fears for consequences seemed +able to repress—for an effort, on the part of many, to stifle the laugh, +only ended in a still louder burst of merriment. I looked to the far +side of the yard for an explanation, but there was nothing there to +account for it. I now crossed over to where the officers were standing, +determining in my own mind to investigate the occurrence thoroughly, when +free from the presence of the colonel, to whom any representation of ill +conduct always brought a punishment far exceeding the merits of the case. + +<p>Scarcely had I formed this resolve, when I reached the group of officers; +but the moment I came near, one general roar of laughter saluted me,—the +like of which I never before heard—I looked down at my costume, +expecting to discover that, in my hurry to dress, I had put on some of +the garments of Othello—No: all was perfectly correct. I waited for a +moment, till the first burst of their merriment over, I should obtain a +clue to the jest. But their mirth appeared to increase. Indeed poor +G——, the senior major, one of the gravest men in Europe, laughed till +the tears ran down his cheeks; and such was the effect upon me, that I +was induced to laugh too—as men will sometimes, from the infectious +nature of that strange emotion; but, no sooner did I do this, than their +fun knew no bounds, and some almost screamed aloud, in the excess of +their merriment; just at this instant the Colonel, who had been examining +some of the men, approached our group, advancing with an air of evident +displeasure, as the shouts of loud laughter continued. As he came up, +I turned hastily round, and touching my cap, wished him good morning. +Never shall I forget the look he gave me. If a glance could have +annihilated any man, his would have finished me. For a moment his face +became purple with rage, his eye was almost hid beneath his bent brow, +and he absolutely shook with passion. + +<p>"Go, Sir," said he at length, as soon as he was able to find utterance +for his words; "Go, sir, to your quarters; and before you leave them, a +court-martial shall decide, if such continued insult to your commanding +officer, warrants your name being in the Army List." + +<p>"What the devil can all this mean?" I said, in a half-whisper, turning to +the others. But there they stood, their handkerchiefs to their mouths, +and evidently choking with suppressed laughter. + +<p>"May I beg, Colonel C_____," said I—— + +<p>"To your quarters, sir," roared the little man, in the voice of a lion. +And with a haughty wave of his hand, prevented all further attempt on my +part to seek explanation. + +<p>"They're all mad, every man of them," I muttered, as I betook byself +slowly back to my rooms, amid the same evidences of mirth my first +appearance had excited—which even the Colonel's presence, feared as +he was, could not entirely subdue. + +<p>With the air of a martyr I trod heavily up the stairs, and entered my +quarters, meditating within myself, awful schemes for vengeance, on the +now open tyranny of my Colonel; upon whom, I too, in my honest rectitude +of heart, vowed to have "a court-martial." I threw myself upon a chair, +and endeavoured to recollect what circumstance of the past evening could +have possibly suggested all the mirth in which both officers and men +seemed to participate equally; but nothing could I remember, capable of +solving the mystery,—surely the cruel wrongs of the manly Othello were +no laughter-moving subject. + +<p>I rang the bell hastily for my servant. The door opened. + +<p>"Stubbes," said I, "are you aware"—— + +<p>I had only got so far in my question, when my servant, one of the most +discreet of men, put on a broad grin, and turned away towards the door to +hide his face. + +<p>"What the devil does this mean?" said I, stamping with passion; "he is as +bad as the rest. Stubbes," and this I spoke with the most grave and +severe tone, "what is the meaning of the insolence?" + +<p>"Oh, sir," said the man; "Oh, sir, surely you did not appear on parade +with that face?" and then he burst into a fit of the most uncontrollable +laughter. + +<p>Like lightning a horrid doubt shot across my mind. I sprung over to the +dressing-glass, which had been replaced, and oh: horror of horrors! +There I stood as black as the king of Ashantee. The cursed dye which I +had put on for Othello, I had never washed off,—and there with a huge +bear-skin shako, and a pair of black, bushy whiskers, shone my huge, +black, and polished visage, glowering at itself in the looking-glass. + +<p>My first impulse, after amazement had a little subsided, was to laugh +immoderately; in this I was joined by Stubbes, who, feeling that his +mirth was participated in, gave full vent to his risibility. And, +indeed, as I stood before the glass, grinning from ear to ear, I felt +very little surprise that my joining in the laughter of my brother +officers, a short time before, had caused an increase of their merriment. +I threw myself upon a sofa, and absolutely laughed till my sides ached, +when, the door opening, the adjutant made his appearance. He looked for +a moment at me, then at Stubbes, and then burst out himself, as loud as +either of us. When he had at length recovered himself, he wiped his face +with his handkerchief, and said, with a tone of much gravity:— + +<p>"But, my dear Lorrequer, this will be a serious—a devilish serious +affair. You know what kind of man Colonel C____ is; and you are aware, +too, you are not one of his prime favourites. He is firmly convinced +that you intended to insult him, and nothing will convince him to the +contrary. We told him how it must have occurred, but he will listen to +no explanation." + +<p>I thought for one second before I replied, my mind, with the practised +rapidity of an old campaigner, took in all the pros and cons of the case; +I saw at a glance, it were better to brave the anger of the Colonel, come +in what shape it might, than be the laughing-stock of the mess for life, +and with a face of the greatest gravity and self-possession, said, + +<p>"Well, adjutant, the Colonel is right. It was no mistake! You know I +sent him tickets yesterday for the theatre. Well, he returned them; this +did not annoy me, but on one account, I had made a wager with Alderman +Gullable, that the Colonel should see me in Othello—what was to be done? +Don't you see, now, there was only one course, and I took it, old boy, +and have won my bet!" + +<p>"And lost your commission for a dozen of champagne, I suppose," said the +adjutant. + +<p>"Never mind, my dear fellow," I repled; "I shall get out of this scrape, +as I have done many others." + +<p>"But what do you intend doing?" + +<p>"Oh, as to that," said I, "I shall, of course, wait on the Colonel +immediately; pretend to him that it was a mere blunder, from the +inattention of my servant—hand over Stubbes to the powers that punish, +(here the poor fellow winced a little,) and make my peace as well as I +can. But, adjutant, mind," said I, "and give the real version to all our +fellows, and tell them to make it public as much as they please." + +<p>"Never fear," said he, as he left the room still laughing, "they shall +all know the true story; but I wish with all my heart you were well out +of it." + +<p>I now lost no time in making my toilet, and presented myself at the +Colonel's quarters. It is no pleasure for me to recount these passages +in my life, in which I have had to hear the "proud man's contumely." I +shall therefore merely observe, that after a very long interview, the +Colonel accepted my apologies, and we parted. + +<p>Before a week elapsed, the story had gone far and near; every +dinner-table in Cork had laughed at it. As for me, I attained immortal honour +for my tact and courage. Poor Gullable readily agreed to favour the +story, and gave us a dinner as the lost wager, and the Colonel was so +unmercifully quizzed on the subject, and such broad allusions to his +being humbugged were given in the Cork papers, that he was obliged to +negociate a change of quarters with another regiment, to get out of the +continual jesting, and in less than a month we marched to Limerick, to +relieve, as it was reported, the 9th, ordered for foreign service, but, +in reality, only to relieve Lieut.-Colonel C____, quizzed beyond +endurance. + +<p>However, if the Colonel had seemed to forgive, he did not forget, for the +very second week after our arrival in Limerick, I received one morning at +my breakfast-table, the following brief note from our adjutant:— + +<blockquote><blockquote> +<p> "My Dear Lorrequer—The Colonel has received orders to despatch two + companies to some remote part of the county Clare; as you have 'done + the state some service,' you are selected for the beautiful town of + Kilrush, where, to use the eulogistic language of the geography + books, 'there is a good harbour, and a market plentifully supplied + with fish.' I have just heard of the kind intention in store for + you, and lose no time in letting you know. + +<p> "God give you a good deliverance from the 'garcons lances,' as the + Moniteur calls the Whiteboys, and believe me ever your's, Charles + Curzon." +</blockquote></blockquote> + +<p>I had scarcely twice read over the adjutant's epistle, when I received +an official notification from the Colonel, directing me to proceed to +Kilrush, then and there to afford all aid and assistance in suppressing +illicit distillation, when called on for that purpose; and other similar +duties too agreeable to recapitulate. Alas! Alas! Othello's +occupation: was indeed gone! The next morning at sun-rise saw me on my +march, with what appearance of gaiety I could muster, but in reality very +much chopfallen at my banishment, and invoking sundry things upon the +devoted head of the Colonel, which he would by no means consider as +"blessings." + +<p>How short-sighted are we mortals, whether enjoying all the pump and state +of royalty, or marching like myself at the head of a company of his +Majesty's 4_th. + +<p>Little, indeed, did I anticipate that the Siberia to which I fancied I +was condemned should turn out the happiest quarters my fate ever threw me +into. But this, including as it does, one of the most important events +of my life, I reserve for another chapter.— + +<p>"What is that place called, Sergeant?"—"Bunratty Castle, sir," + +<p>"Where do we breakfast?"—"At Clare Island, sir." + +<p>"March away, boys!" + +<hr> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> + +<h2><a name="ch2"></a>CHAPTER II.</h2> + +<br> +<br> + +<h3>DETACHMENT +DUTY—THE BURTON ARMS—CALLONBY.</h3> + +<br> +<br> + +<p>For a week after my arrival at Kilrush, my life was one of the most +dreary monotony. The rain, which had begun to fall as I left Limerick, +continued to descend in torrents, and I found myself a close prisoner in +the sanded parlour of "mine inn." At no time would such "durance vile" +have been agreeable; but now, when I contrasted it with all I had left +behind at head quarters, it was absolutely maddening. The pleasant +lounge in the morning, the social mess, and the agreeable evening party, +were all exchanged for a short promenade of fourteen feet in one +direction, and twelve in the other, such being the accurate measurement +of my "salle a manger." A chicken, with legs as blue as a Highlander's +in winter, for my dinner; and the hours that all Christian mankind were +devoting to pleasant intercourse, and agreeable chit-chat, spent in +beating that dead-march to time, "the Devil's Tattoo," upon my ricketty +table, and forming, between whiles, sundry valorous resolutions to reform +my life, and "eschew sack and loose company." + +<p>My front-window looked out upon a long, straggling, ill-paved street, +with its due proportion of mud-heaps, and duck pools; the houses on +either side were, for the most part, dingy-looking edifices, with +half-doors, and such pretension to being shops as a quart of meal, or salt, +displayed in the window, confers; or sometimes two tobacco-pipes, placed +"saltier-wise," would appear the only vendible article in the +establishment. A more wretched, gloomy-looking picture of woe-begone +poverty, I never beheld. + +<p>If I turned for consolation to the back of the house, my eyes fell upon +the dirty yard of a dirty inn; the half-thatched cow-shed, where two +famished animals mourned their hard fate,—"chewing the cud of sweet and +bitter fancy;" the chaise, the yellow post-chaise, once the pride and +glory of the establishment, now stood reduced from its wheels, and +ignominiously degraded to a hen-house; on the grass-grown roof a cock had +taken his stand, with an air of protective patronage to the feathered +inhabitants beneath: +<br> + <center>"To what base uses must we come at last."</center> +<br> +<p>That chaise, which once had conveyed the blooming bride, all blushes and +tenderness, and the happy groom, on their honeymoon visit to Ballybunion +and its romantic caves, or to the gigantic cliffs and sea-girt shores of +Moher—or with more steady pace and becoming gravity had borne along the +"going judge of assize,"—was now become a lying-in hospital for fowl, +and a nursery for chickens. Fallen as I was myself from my high estate, +it afforded me a species of malicious satisfaction to contemplate these +sad reverses of fortune; and I verily believe—for on such slight +foundation our greatest resolves are built—that if the rain had +continued a week longer, I should have become a misanthropist for life. +I made many inquiries from my landlady as to the society of the place, +but the answers I received only led to greater despondence. My +predecessor here, it seemed, had been an officer of a veteran battalion, +with a wife, and that amount of children which is algebraically expressed +by an X (meaning an unknown quantity). He, good man, in his two years' +sojourn here, had been much more solicitous about his own affairs, than +making acquaintance with his neighbours; and at last, the few persons who +had been in the habit of calling on "the officer," gave up the practice; +and as there were no young ladies to refresh Pa's memory on the matter, +they soon forgot completely that such a person existed—and to this happy +oblivion I, Harry Lorrequer, succeeded, and was thus left without benefit +of clergy to the tender mercies of Mrs. Healy of the Burton arms. + +<p>As during the inundation which deluged the whole country around I was +unable to stir from the house, I enjoyed abundant opportunity of +cultivating the acquaintance of my hostess, and it is but fair that my +reader, who has journeyed so far with me, should have an introduction. + +<p>Mrs. Healy, the sole proprietor of the "Burton Arms," was of some five +and fifty—"or by'r lady," three score years, of a rubicund and hale +complexion; and though her short neck and corpulent figure might have set +her down as "doubly hazardous," she looked a good life for many years to +come. In height and breadth she most nearly resembled a sugar-hogshead, +whose rolling, pitching motion, when trundled along on edge, she emulated +in her gait. To the ungainliness of her figure her mode of dressing not +a little contributed. She usually wore a thick linsey-wolsey gown, with +enormous pockets on either side, and, like Nora Creina's, it certainly +inflicted no undue restrictions upon her charms, but left +<center> + "Every beauty free,<br> + To sink or swell as heaven pleases."<br> +</center> +<p>Her feet—ye gods! Such feet—were apparelled in listing slippers, over +which the upholstery of her ancles descended, and completely relieved the +mind of the spectator as to the superincumbent weight being +disproportioned to the support; I remember well my first impression on +seeing those feet and ancles reposing upon a straw footstool, while she +took her afternoon dose, and I wondered within myself if elephants were +liable to the gout. There are few countenances in the world, that if +wishing to convey an idea of, we cannot refer to some well-known +standard; and thus nothing is more common than to hear comparisons with +"Vulcan—Venus—Nicodemus," and the like; but in the present case, I am +totally at a loss for any thing resembling the face of the worth Mrs. +Healy, except it be, perhaps, that most ancient and sour visage we used +to see upon old circular iron rappers formerly—they make none of them +now—the only difference being, that Mrs. Healy's nose had no ring +through it; I am almost tempted to add, "more's the pity." + +<p>Such was she in "the flesh;" would that I could say, she was more +fascinating in the "spirit!" but alas, truth, from which I never may +depart in these "my confessions," constrains me to acknowledge the +reverse. Most persons in this miserable world of ours, have some +prevailing, predominating characteristic, which usually gives the tone +and colour to all their thoughts and actions, forming what we denominate +temperament; this we see actuating them, now more, now less; but rarely, +however, is this great spring of action without its moments of repose. +Not so with her of whom I have been speaking. She had but one +passion—but, like Aaron's rod, it had a most consuming tendency—and that was to +scold, and abuse, all whom hard fate/ had brought within the unfortunate +limits of her tyranny. The English language, comprehensive as it is, +afforded not epithets strong enough for her wrath, and she sought among +the more classic beauties of her native Irish, such additional ones as +served her need, and with this holy alliance of tongues, she had been for +years long, the dread and terror of the entire village. + +<p>"The dawning of morn, the day-light sinking," ay, and even the "night's +dull hours," it was said, too, found her labouring in her congenial +occupation; and while thus she continued to "scold and grow fat," her +inn, once a popular and frequented one, became gradually less and less +frequented, and the dragon of the Rhine-fells did not more effectually +lay waste the territory about him, than did the evil influence of her +tongue spread desolation and ruin around her. Her inn, at the time of my +visit, had not been troubled with even a passing traveller for many +months; and, indeed, if I had any, even the least foreknowledge of the +character of my hostess, its privacy should have still remained uninvaded +for some time longer. + +<p>I had not been many hours installed, when I got a specimen of her powers; +and before the first week was over, so constant and unremitting were her +labours in this way, that I have upon the occasion of a slight lull in +the storm, occasioned by her falling asleep, actually left my room to +inquire if anything had gone wrong, in the same was as the miller is said +to awake, if the mill stops. I trust I have said enough, to move the +reader's pity and compassion for my situation—one more miserable it is +difficult to conceive. It may be though that much might be done by +management, and that a slight exercise of the favourite Whig plan of +concilliation, might avail. Nothing of the kind. She was proof against +all such arts; and what was still worse, there was no subject, no +possible circumstance, no matter, past, present, or to come, that she +could not wind by her diabolical ingenuity, into some cause of offence; +and then came the quick transition to instant punishment. Thus, my +apparently harmless inquiry as to the society of the neighbourhood, +suggested to her—a wish on my part to make acquaintance—therefore to +dine out—therefore not to dine at home—consequently to escape paying +half-a-crown and devouring a chicken—therefore to defraud her, and +behave, as she would herself observe, "like a beggarly scullion, with his +four shillings a day, setting up for a gentleman," + +<p>By a quiet and Job-like endurance of all manner of taunting suspicions, +and unmerited sarcasms, to which I daily became more reconciled, I +absolutely rose into something like favour; and before the first month of +my banishment expired, had got the length of an invitation to tea, in her +own snuggery—an honour never known to be bestowed on any before, with +the exception of Father Malachi Brennan, her ghostly adviser; and even +he, it is said, never ventured on such an approximation to intimacy, +until he was, in Kilrush phrase, "half screwed," thereby meaning more +than half tipsy. From time to time thus, I learned from my hostess such +particulars of the country and its inhabitants as I was desirous of +hearing; and among other matters, she gave me an account of the great +landed proprietor himself, Lord Callonby, who was daily expected at his +seat, within some miles of Kilrush, at the same time assuring me that I +need not be looking so "pleased and curling out my whiskers;" "that +they'd never take the trouble of asking even the name of me." This, +though neither very courteous, nor altogether flattering to listen to, +was no more than I had already learned from some brother officers who +knew this quarter, and who informed me that the Earl of Callonby, though +only visiting his Irish estates every three or four years, never took the +slightest notice of any of the military in his neighbourhood; nor, indeed +did he mix with the country gentry, confining himself to his own familyl, +or the guests, who usually accompanied him from England, and remained +during his few weeks' stay. My impression of his lordship was therefore +not calculated to cheer my solitude by any prospect of his rendering ti +lighter. + +<p>The Earl's family consisted of her ladyship, an only son, nearly of age, +and two daughters; the eldest, Lady Jane, had the reputation of being +extremely beautiful; and I remembered when she came out in London, only +the year before, hearing nothing but praises of the grace and elegance of +her manner, united to the most classic beauty of her face and figure. +The second daughter was some years younger, and said to be also very +handsome; but as yet she had not been brought into society. Of the son, +Lord Kilkee, I only heard that he had been a very gay fellow at Oxford, +where he was much liked, and although not particularly studious, had +given evidence of talent. + +<p>Such were the few particulars I obtained of my neighbours, and thus +little did I know of those who were so soon to exercise a most important +influence upon my future life. + +<p>After some weeks' close confinement, which, judging from my feelings +alone, I should have counted as many years, I eagerly seized the +opportunity of the first glimpse of sunshine to make a short excursion +along the coast; I started early in the morning, and after a long stroll +along the bold headlands of Kilkee, was returning late in the evening to +my lodgings. My path lay across a wild, bleak moor, dotted with low +clumps of furze, and not presenting on any side the least trace of +habitation. In wading through the tangled bushes, my dog "Mouche" +started a hare; and after a run "sharp, short, and decisive," killed it +at the bottom of a little glen some hundred yards off. + +<p>I was just patting my dog, and examining the prize, when I heard a +crackling among the low bushes near me; and on looking up, perceived, +about twenty paces distant, a short, thick-set man, whose fustian jacket +and leathern gaiters at once pronounced him the gamekeeper; he stood +leaning upon his gun, quietly awaiting, as it seemed, for any movement on +my part, before he interfered. With one glance I detected how matters +stood, and immediately adopting my usual policy of "taking the bull by +the horns," called out, in a tone of very sufficient authority, + +<p>"I say, my man, are you his lordship's gamekeeper?" + +<p>Taking off his hat, the man approached me, and very respectfully informed +me that he was. + +<p>"Well then," said I, "present this hare to his lordship with my respects; +here is my card, and say I shall be most happy to wait on him in the +morning, and explain the circumstance." + +<p>The man took the card, and seemed for some moments undecided how to act; +he seemed to think that probably he might be ill-treating a friend of his +lordship's if he refused; and on the other hand might be merely +"jockeyed" by some bold-faced poacher. Meanwhile I whistled my dog close +up, and humming an air, with great appearance of indifference, stepped +out homeward. By this piece of presence of mind I saved poor "Mouche;" +for I saw at a glance, that, with true gamekeeper's law, he had been +destined to death the moment he had committed the offence. + +<p>The following morning, as I sat at breakfast, meditating upon the events +of the preceding day, and not exactly determined how to act, whether to +write to his lordship explaining how the matter occurred, or call +personally, a loud rattling on the pavement drew me to the window. As +the house stood at the end of a street, I could not see in the direction +the noise came; but as I listened, a very handsome tandem turned the +corner of the narrow street, and came along towards the hotel at a long, +sling trot; the horses were dark chestnuts, well matched, and shewing a +deal of blood. The carriage was a dark drab, with black wheels; the +harness all of the same colour. The whole turn-out—and I was an amateur +of that sort of thing—was perfect; the driver, for I come to him last, +as he was the last I looked at, was a fashionable looking young fellow, +plainly, but knowingly, dressed, and evidently handling the "ribbon," +like an experienced whip. + +<p>After bringing his nags up to the inndoor in very pretty style, he gave +the reins to his servant, and got down. Before I was well aware of it, +the door of my room opened, and the gentleman entered with a certain easy +air of good breeding, and saying, + +<p>"Mr. Lorrequer, I presume—" introduced himself as Lord Kilkee. + +<p>I immediately opened the conversation by an apology for my dog's +misconduct on the day before, and assured his lordship that I knew the +value of a hare in a hunting country, and was really sorry for the +circumstance. + +<p>"Then I must say," replied his lordship, "Mr. Lorrequer is the only +person who regrets the matter; for had it not been for this, it is more +than probable we should never have known we were so near neighbours; in +fact, nothing could equal our amazement at hearing were playing the +'Solitaire' down here. You must have found it dreadfully heavy, 'ad have +thought us downright savages.' But then I must explain to you, that my +father has made some 'rule absolute' about visiting when down here. And +though I know you'll not consider it a compliment, yet I can assure you +there is not another man I know of he would pay attention to, but +yourself. He made two efforts to get here this morning, but the gout +'would not be denied,' and so he deputed a most inferior 'diplomate;' and +now will you let me return with some character from my first mission, and +inform my friends that you will dine with us to-day at seven—a mere +family party; but make your arrangements to stop all night and to-morrow: +we shall find some work for my friend there on the hearth; what do you +call him, Mr. Lorrequer?" + +<p>"'Mouche'—come here, 'Mouche.'" + +<p>"Ah 'Mouche,' come here, my fine fellow—a splendid dog, indeed; very +tall for a thorough-bred; and now you'll not forget, seven, 'temps +militaire,' and so, sans adieu." + +<p>And with these words his lordship shook me heartily by the hand; and +before two minutes had elapsed, had wrapped his box-coat once more across +him, and was round the corner. + +<p>I looked for a few moments on the again silent street, and was almost +tempted to believe I was in a dream, so rapidly had the preceding moments +passed over; and so surprised was I to find that the proud Earl of +Callonby, who never did the "civil thing" any where, should think proper +to pay attention to a poor sub in a marching regiment, whose only claim +on his acquaintance was the suspicion of poaching on his manor. I +repeated over and over all his lordship's most polite speeches, trying to +solve the mystery of them; but in vain: a thousand explanations occurred, +but none of them I felt at all satisfactory; that there was some mystery +somewhere, I had no doubt; for I remarked all through that Lord Kilkee +laid some stress upon my identity, and even seemed surprised at my being +is such banishment. "Oh," thought I at last, "his lordship is about to +get up private theatricals, and has seen my Captain Absolute, or perhaps +my Hamlet"—I could not say "Othello" even to myself—"and is anxious to +get 'such unrivalled talent' even 'for one night only.'" + +<p>After many guesses this seemed the nearest I could think of; and by the +time I had finished my dressing for dinner, it was quite clear to me I +had solved all the secret of his lordship's attentions. + +<p>The road to "Callonby" was beautiful beyond any thing I had ever seen in +Ireland. For upwards of two miles it led along the margin of the lofty +cliffs of Moher, now jutting out into bold promontories, and again +retreating, and forming small bays and mimic harbours, into which the +heavy swell of the broad Atlantic was rolling its deep blue tide. The +evening was perfectly calm, and at a little distance from the shore the +surface of the sea was without a ripple. The only sound breaking the +solemn stillness of the hour, was the heavy plash of the waves, as in +minute peals they rolled in upon the pebbly beach, and brought back with +them at each retreat, some of the larger and smoother stones, whose +noise, as they fell back into old ocean's bed, mingled with the din of +the breaking surf. In one of the many little bays I passed, lay three or +four fishing smacks. The sails were drying, and flapped lazily against +the mast. I could see the figures of the men as they passed backwards ad +forwards upon the decks, and although the height was nearly eight hundred +feet, could hear their voices quite distinctly. Upon the golden strand, +which was still marked with a deeper tint, where the tide had washed, +stood a little white cottage of some fisherman—at least, so the net +before the door bespoke it. Around it, stood some children, whose merry +voices and laughing tones sometimes reached me where I was standing. I +could not but think, as I looked down from my lofty eyrie, upon that +little group of boats, and that lone hut, how much of the "world" to the +humble dweller beneath, lay in that secluded and narrow bay. There, the +deep sea, where their days were passed in "storm or sunshine,"—there, +the humble home, where at night they rested, and around whose hearth lay +all their cares and all their joys. How far, how very far removed from +the busy haunts of men, and all the struggles and contentions of the +ambitious world; and yet, how short-sighted to suppose that even they had +not their griefs and sorrows, and that their humble lot was devoid of the +inheritance of those woes, which all are heirs to. + +<p>I turned reluctantly, from the sea-shore to enter the gate of the park, +and my path in a few moments was as completely screened from all prospect +of the sea, as though it had lain miles inland. An avenue of tall and +ancient lime trees, so dense in their shadows as nearly to conceal the +road beneath, led for above a mile through a beautiful lawn, whose +surface, gently undulating, and studded with young clumps, was dotted +over with sheep. At length, descending by a very steep road, I reached a +beautiful little stream, over which a rustic bridge was thrown. As I +looked down upon the rippling stream beneath, on the surface of which the +dusky evening flies were dipping, I made a resolve, if I prospered in his +lordship's good graces, to devote a day to the "angle" there, before I +left the country. It was now growing late, and remember Lord Kilkee's +intimation of "sharp seven," I threw my reins over my cob, "Sir Roger's" +neck, (for I had hitherto been walking,) and cantered up the steep hill +before me. When I reached the top, I found myself upon a broad table +land, encircled by old and well-grown timber, and at a distance, most +tastefully half concealed by ornamental planting, I could catch some +glimpse of Callonby. Before, however, I had time to look about me, I +heard the tramp of horses' feet behind, and in another moment two ladies +dashed up the steep behind, and came towards me, at a smart gallop, +followed by a groom, who, neither himself nor his horse, seemed to relish +the pace of his fair mistresses. I moved off the road into the grass to +permit them to pass; but no sooner had they got abreast of me, than Sir +Roger, anxious for a fair start, flung up both heels at once, pricked up +his ears, and with a plunge that very nearly threw me from the saddle, +set off at top speed. My first thought was for the ladies beside me, +and, to my utter horror, I now saw them coming alongin full gallop; their +horses had got off the road, and were, to my thinking, become quite +unmanageable. I endeavoured to pull up, but all in vain. Sir Roger had +got the bit between his teeth, a favourite trick of his, and I was +perfectly powerless to hold him by this time, they being mounted on +thoroughbreds, got a full neck before me, and the pace was not +tremendous, on we all came, each horse at his utmost stretch; they were +evidently gaining from the better stride of their cattle, and will it be +believed, or shall I venture to acknowledge it in these my confessions, +that I, who a moment before, would have given my best chance of +promotion, to be able to pull in my horse, would now have "pledged my +dukedom" to be able to give Sir Roger one cut of the whip unobserved. I +leave it to the wise to decipher the rationale, but such is the fact. It +was complete steeple-chasing, and my blood was up. + +<p>On we came, and I now perceived that about two hundred yards before me +stood an iron gate and piers, without any hedge or wall on either side; +before I could conjecture the meaning of so strange a thing in the midst +of a large lawn, I saw the foremost horse, now two or three lengths +before the other, still in advance of me, take two or three short +strides, and fly about eight feet over a sunk fence—the second followed +in the same style, the riders sitting as steadily as in the gallop. It +was now my turn, and I confess, as I neared the dyke, I heartily wished +myself well over it, for the very possibility of a "mistake" was +maddening. Sir Roger came on at a slapping pace, and when within two +yards of the brink, rose to it, and cleared it like a deer. By the time +I had accomplished this feat, not the less to my satisfaction, that both +ladies had turned in the saddles to watch me, they were already far in +advance; they held on still at the same pace, round a small copse which +concealed them an instant from my view, and which, when I passed, I +perceived that they had just reached the hall door, and were dismounting. + +<p>On the steps stood a tall, elderly-looking, gentleman-like person, who I +rightly conjectured was his lordship. I heard him laughing heartily as I +came up. I at last succeeded in getting Sir Roger to a canter, and when +about twenty yards from where the group were standing, sprung off, and +hastened up to make my apologies as I best might, for my unfortunate +runaway. I was fortunately spared this awkwardness of an explanation, +for his lordship, approaching me with his hand extended, said— + +<p>"Mr. Lorrequer is most welcome at Callonby. I cannot be mistaken, I am +sure—I have the pleasure of addressing the nephew of my old friend, Sir +Guy Lorrequer of Elton. I am indeed most happy to see you, and not the +less so, that you are safe and sound, which, five minutes since, I assure +you I had my fears for—" + +<p>Before I could assure his lordship that my fears were all for my +competitors in the race—for such in reality they were—he introduced me +to the two ladies, who were still standing beside him—"Lady Jane +Callonby; Mr. Lorrequer; Lady Catherine." + +<p>"Which of you, young ladies, may I ask, planned this escapade, for I see +by your looks, it was no accident?" + +<p>"I think, papa," said Lady Jane, "you must question Mr. Lorrequer on that +head; he certainly started first." + +<p>"I confess, indeed," said I, "such was the case." + +<p>"Well, you must confess, too, you were distanced," said Lady Jane, at the +same time, most terribly provoked, to be quizzed on such a matter; that +I, a steeple-chase horseman of the first water, should be twitted by a +couple of young ladies, on the score of a most manly exercise. "But +come," said his lordship, "the first bell has rung long since, and I am +longing to ask Mr. Lorrequer all about my old college friend of forty +years ago. So, ladies, hasten your toilet, I beseech you." + +<p>With these words, his lordship, taking my arm, led me into the +drawing-room, where we had not been many minutes till we were joined by her +ladyship, a tall stately handsome woman, of a certain age; resolutely +bent upon being both young and beautiful, in spite of time and wrinkles; +her reception of me, though not possessing the frankness of his lordship, +was still very polite, and intended to be even gracious. I now found by +the reiterated inquiries for my old uncle, Sir Guy, that he it was, and +not Hamlet, to whom I owed my present notice, and I must include it among +my confessions, that it was about the first advantage I ever derived from +the relationship. After half an hour's agreeable chatting, the ladies +entered, and then I had time to remark the extreme beauty of their +appearance; they were both wonderfully like, and except that Lady Jane +was taller and more womanly, it would have been almost impossible to +discriminate between them. + +<p>Lady Jane Callonby was then about twenty years of age, rather above the +middle size, and slightly disposed towards embonpoint; her eye was of the +deepest and most liquid blue, and rendered apparently darker, by long +lashes of the blackest jet—for such was the colour of her hair; her nose +slightly, but slightly, deviated from the straightness of the Greek, and +her upper lip was faultless, as were her mouth and chin; the whole lower +part of the face, from the perfect "chiselling," and from the character +of her head, had certainly a great air of hauteur, but the extreme +melting softness of her eyes took from this, and when she spoke, there +was a quiet earnestness in her mild and musical voice, that disarmed you +at once of connecting the idea of self with the speaker; the word +"fascinating," more than any other I know of, conveys the effect of her +appearance, and to produce it, she had more than any other woman I ever +met, that wonderful gift, the "l'art de plaire." + +<p>I was roused from my perhaps too earnest, because unconscious gaze, at +the lovely figure before me, by his Lordship saying, "Mr. Lorrequer, her +Ladyship is waiting for you." I accordingly bowed, and, offering my arm, +led her into the dinner-room. And here I draw rein for the present, +reserving for my next chapter—My Adventure at Callonby. + +<hr> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> + +<h2><a name="ch3"></a>CHAPTER +III.</h2> + +<br> +<br> + +<h3>LIFE AT +CALLONBY—LOVE-MAKING—MISS O'DOWD'S +ADVENTURE.</h3> + +<br> +<br> + +<p>My first evening at Callonby passed off as nearly all first evenings do +every where. His lordship was most agreeable, talked much of my uncle, +Sir Guy, whose fag he had been at Eton half a century before, promised me +some capital shooting in his preserves, discussed the state of politics; +and, as the second decanter of port "waned apace," grew wondrous +confidential, and told me of his intention to start his son for the +county at the next general election, such being the object which had +now conferred the honour of his presence on his Irish estates. + +<p>Her ladyship was most condescendingly civil, vouchsafed much tender +commiseration for my "exile," as she termed my quarters in Kilrush; +wondered how I could possibly exist in a marching regiment, (who had +never been in the cavalry in my life!) Spoke quite feelingly on my +kindness in joining their stupid family party, for they were living, to +use her own phrase, "like hermits;" and wound up all by a playful +assurance that as she perceived, from all my answers, that I was bent on +preserving a strict incognito, she would tell no tales about me on her +return to "Town." Now, it may readily be believed, that all this, and +many more of her ladyship's allusions, were a "Chaldee manuscript" to me; +that she knew certain facts of my family and relations, was certain; but +that she had interwoven in the humble web of my history, a very pretty +embroidery of fiction was equally so; and while she thus ran on, with +innumerable allusions to Lady Marys and Lord Johns, who she pretended to +suppose were dying to hear from me, I could not help muttering to myself +with good Christopher Sly, "And all this be true—then Lord be thanked +for my good amends;" for up to that moment I was an ungrateful man for +all this high and noble solicitude. One dark doubt shot for an instant +across my brain. Maybe her ladyship had "registered a vow" never to +syllable a name unchronicled by Debrett, or was actually only mystifying +me for mere amusement. A minute's consideration dispelled this fear; +for I found myself treated "en Seigneur" by the whole family. As for +the daughters of the house, nothing could possibly be more engaging than +their manner. The eldest, Lady Jane, was pleased from my near +relationship to her father's oldest friend to receive me, "from the +first," on the most friendly footing; while, with the younger, Lady +Catherine, from her being less 'maniere' than her sister, my progress was +even greater; and thus, before we separated for the night, I contrived to +"take up my position" in such a fashion, as to be already looked upon as +one of the family party, to which object, Lord and indeed Lady Callonby +seemed most willing to contribute, and made me promise to spend the +entire of the following day at Callonby, and as many of the succeeding +ones as my military duties would permit. + +<p>As his lordship was wishing me "good night" at the door of the +drawing-room, he said, in a half whisper, + +<p>"We were ignorant yesterday, Mr. Lorrequer, how soon we should have had +the pleasure of seeing you here; and you are therefore condemned to a +small room off the library, it being the only one we can insure you as +being well aired. I must therefore apprize you that you are not to be +shocked at finding yourself surrounded by every member of my family, +hung up in frames around you. But as the room is usually my own +snuggery, I have resigned it without any alteration whatever." + +<p>The apartment for which his lordship had so strongly apologized, stood in +very pleasing contrast to my late one in Kilrush. The soft Persian +carpet, on which one's feet sank to the very ankles; the brightly +polished dogs, upon which a blazing wood fire burned; the well +upholstered fauteuils which seemed to invite sleep without the trouble of +lying down for it; and last of all, the ample and luxurious bed, upon +whose rich purple hangings the ruddy glare of the fire threw a most +mellow light, was all a pleasing exchange for the "garniture" of the +"Hotel Healy." + +<p>"Certes, Harry Lorrequer," said I, as I threw myself upon a small ottoman +before the fire in all the slippered case, and abandon of a man who has +changed a dress-coat for a morning-gown; "Certes, thou art destined for +great things; even here, where fate had seemed 'to do its worst' to thee, +a little paradise opens, and what, to ordinary mortals had proved but a +'flat, stale, and most unprofitable' quarter, presents to thee all the +accumulated delight of a hospitable mansion, a kind, almost friendly, +host, a condescending Madame Mere, and daughters too! Ah ye Gods! But +what is this;" and here, for the first time, lifting up my eyes, I +perceived a beautiful water-colour drawing in the style of "Chalon," +which was placed above the chimney-piece. I rose at once, and taking a +candle, proceeded to examine it more minutely. It was a portrait of Lady +Jane, a full-length too, and wonderfully like; there was more complexion, +and perhaps more roundness in the figure than her present appearance +would justify; but if any thing was gained in brilliancy, it was +certainly lost in point of expression; and I infinitely preferred her +pale, but beautifully fair countenance, to the rosy cheek of the picture; +the figure was faultless; the same easy grace, the result of perfect +symmetry and refinement together, which only one in a thousand of even +handsome girls possess, was pourtrayed to the life. The more I looked, +the more I felt charmed with it. Never had I seen any thing so truly +characteristic as this sketch, for it was scarcely more. It was after +nearly an hour's quiet contemplation, that I began to remember the +lateness of the night; an hour, in which my thoughts had rambled from the +lovely object before me, to wonder at the situation in which I found +myself placed; for there was so much of "empressement" towards me, in the +manner of every member of the family, coupled with certain mistakes as to +my habits and acquaintances, as left me perfectly unable to unravel the +mystery which so evidently surrounded me. "Perhaps," thought I, "Sir Guy +has written in my behalf to his lordship. Oh, he would never do any +thing half so civil. Well, to be sure, I shall astonish them at head +quarters; they'll not believe this. I wonder if Lady Jane saw my +'Hamlet;' for they landed in Cork from Bristol about that time. She is +indeed a most beautiful girl. I wish I were a marquis, if it were only +for her sake. Well, my Lord Callonby, you may be a very wise man in the +House of Lords; but, I would just ask, is it exactly prudent to introduce +into your family on terms of such perfect intimacy, a young, fascinating, +well-looking fellow, of four-and-twenty, albeit only a subaltern, with +two such daughters as you have? Peut etre! One thing is certain—I have +no cause of complaint; and so, good night, Lady Jane"—and with those +words I fell asleep, to dream of the deepest blue eyes, and the most +melting tones that ever reduced a poor lieutenant in a marching regiment +to curse his fate, that he could not call the Commander of the Forces his +father. + +<p>When I descended to the breakfast-room, I found the whole family +assembled in a group around Lord Kilkee, who had just returned from a +distant part of the county, where he had been canvassing the electors, +and spouting patriotism the day before. He was giving an account of his +progress with much spirit and humour as I entered, but, on seeing me, +immediately came forward, and shook hands with me like an old +acquaintance. By Lord Callonby and the ladies I was welcomed also +with much courtesy and kindness, ad some slight badinage passed upon my +sleeping, in what Lord Kilkee called the "Picture Gallery," which, for +all I knew to the contrary, contained but one fair portrait. I am not a +believer in Mesmer; but certainly there must have been some influence at +work—very like what we hear of "magnetism"—for before the breakfast was +concluded, there seemed at once to spring up a perfect understanding +between this family and myself, which made me feel as much 'chez moi', +as I had ever done in my life; and from that hour I may date an intimacy +which every succeeding day but served to increase. + +<p>After breakfast Lord Callonby consigned me to the guidance of his son, +and we sallied forth to deal destruction amongst the pheasants, with +which the preserves were stocked; and here I may observe, 'en passant', +that with the single exception of fox-hunting, which was ever a passion +with me, I never could understand that inveterate pursuit of game to +which some men devote themselves—thus, grouse-shooting, and its +attendant pleasures, of stumping over a boggy mountain from day-light +till dark, never had much attraction for me; and, as to the delights of +widgeon and wild-duck shooting, when purchased by sitting up all night in +a barrel, with your eye to the bung, I'll none of it—no, no! Give me +shooting or angling merely as a divertimento, a pleasant interlude +between breakfast and luncheon-time, when, consigning your Manton to a +corner, and the game keeper "to the dogs," you once more humanize your +costume to take a canter with the daughters of the house; or, if the day +look loweringly, a match of billiards with the men. + +<p>I have ever found that the happiest portions of existence are the most +difficult to chronicle. We may—nay, we must, impart our miseries and +annoyances to our many "dear friends," whose forte is sympathy or +consolation—and all men are eloquent on the subject of their woes; not +so with their joys: some have a miser-like pleasure in hoarding them up +for their own private gratification; others—and they are prudent—feel +that the narrative is scarcely agreeable even to their best friends; and +a few, of whom I confess myself one, are content to be happy without +knowing why, and to have pleasant souvenirs, without being able to +explain them. + +<p>Such must be my apology for not more minutely entering upon an account of +my life at Callonby. A fortnight had now seen me 'enfonce', the daily +companion of two beautiful girls in all their walks and rides, through a +romantic, unfrequented country, seeing but little of the other members of +the family; the gentlemen being entirely occupied by their election +tactics, and Lady Callonby being a late riser, seldom appeared before the +dinner hour. There was not a cliff upon the bold and rocky coast we did +not climb, not a cave upon the pebbly beach unvisited; sometimes my fair +companions would bring a volume of Metastasio down to the little river +where I used to angle; and the "gentle craft" was often abandoned for the +heart-thrilling verses of that delightful poet. Yes, many years have +passed over, and these scenes are still as fresh in my memory as though +they had been of yesterday. In my memory, I say, as for thee +<center> + "Qui sa si te<br> + Ti sovrerai di me."<br> +</center> +<p>At the end of three weeks the house became full of company, from the +garret to the cellar. Country gentlemen and their wives and daughters +came pouring in, on every species of conveyance known since the flood; +family coaches, which, but for their yellow panels, might have been +mistaken for hearses, and high barouches, the "entree" to which was +accomplished by a step-ladder, followed each other in what appeared a +never-ending succession; and here I may note an instance of the anomalous +character of the conveyances, from an incident to which I was a witness +at the time. + +<p>Among the visitors on the second day came a maiden lady from the +neighbourhood of Ennistimon, Miss Elizabeth O'Dowd, the last of a very +old and highly respectable family in the county, and whose extensive +property, thickly studded with freeholders, was a strong reason for her +being paid every attention in Lord Callonby's power to bestow; Miss Betty +O'Dowd—for so she was generally styled—was the very personification of +an old maid; stiff as a ramrod, and so rigid in observance of the +proprieties of female conduct, that in the estimation of the Clare +gentry, Diana was a hoyden compared to her. + +<p>Miss Betty lived, as I have said, near Ennistimon, and the road from +thence to Callonby at the time I speak of—it was before Mr. Nimmo—was a +like the bed of a mountain torrent as a respectable highway; there were +holes that would have made a grave for any maiden lady within fifty +miles; and rocks thickly scattered, enough to prove fatal to the +strongest wheels that ever issued from "Hutton's." Miss O'Dowd knew this +well; she had upon one occasion been upset in travelling it—and a +slate-coloured silk dress bore the dye of every species of mud and mire to be +found there, for many a year after, to remind her of her misfortune, and +keep open the wound of her sorrow. When, therefore, the invitation to +Callonby arrived, a grave council of war was summoned, to deliberate upon +the mode of transit, for the honour could not be declined, "coute qui +coute." The chariot was out of the question; Nicholas declared it would +never reach the "Moraan Beg," as the first precipice was called; the +inside car was long since pronounced unfit for hazardous enterprise; and +the only resource left, was what is called in Hibernian parlance, a +"low-backed car," that is, a car without any back whatever; it being neither +more nor less than the common agricultural conveyance of the country, +upon which, a feather bed being laid, the farmers' wives and daughters +are generally conveyed to fairs, wakes, and stations, Putting her +dignity, if not in her pocket, at least wherever it could be most easily +accommodated, Miss O'Dowd placed her fair self, in all the plenitude of +her charms and the grandeur of a "bran new green silk," a "little off the +grass, and on the bottle," (I love to be particular,) upon this humble +voiture, and set out on her way, if not "rejoicing," at least consoled by +Nicholas, that "It 'id be black dark when they reached the house, and the +devil a one 'id be the wiser than if she came in a coach and four." +Nicholas was right; it was perfectly dark on their arrival at Callonby, +and Miss O'Dowd having dismounted, and shook her plumage, a little +crumpled by her half-recumbent position for eight miles, appeared in the +drawing-room, to receive the most courteous attentions from Lady +Callonby, and from his lordship the most flattering speeches for her +kindness in risking herself and bringing her horses on such a dreadful +road, and assured her of his getting a presentment the very next assizes +to repair it; "For we intend, Miss O'Dowd," said he, "to be most +troublesome neighbours to you in future." + +<p>The evening passed off most happily. Miss O'Dowd was delighted with her +hosts, whose character she resolved to maintain in spite of their +reputation for pride and haughtiness. Lady Jane sang an Irish melody for +her, Lady Callonby gave her slips of a rose geranium she got from the +Princess Augusta, and Lord Kilkee won her heart by the performance of +that most graceful step 'yclept "cover the buckle" in an Irish jig. But, +alas! how short-lived is human bliss, for while this estimable lady +revelled in the full enjoyment of the hour, the sword of Damocles hung +suspended above her head; in plain English, she had, on arriving at +Callonby, to prevent any unnecessary scrutiny into the nature of her +conveyance, ordered Nicholas to be at the door punctually at eleven; and +then to take an opportunity of quietly slipping open the drawing-room +door, and giving her an intimation of it, that she might take her leave +at once. Nicholas was up to time, and having disposed the conveyance +under the shadow of the porch, made his way to the door of the +drawing-room unseen and unobserved. He opened it gently and noiselessly, merely +sufficient to take a survey of the apartment, in which, from the glare of +the lights, and the busy hum of voices, he was so bewildered that it was +some minutes before he recognized his mistress. At last he perceived +her; she was seated at a card-table, playing whist with Lord Callonby for +her partner. Who the other players were, he knew not. A proud man was +Nicholas, as he saw his mistress thus placed, actually sitting, as he +afterwards expressed it, "forenint the Lord," but his thoughts were bent +on other matters, and it was no time to indulge his vauntings. + +<p>He strove for some time patiently, to catch her eye, for she was so +situated as to permit of this, but without success. He then made a +slight attempt to attract her attention by beckoning with his finger; all +in vain. "Oh murther," said he, "what is this for? I'll have to spake +afther all." + +<p>"Four by honours," said his lordship, "and the odd trick. Another +double, I believe, Miss O'Dowd." + +<p>Miss O'Dowd nodded a graceful assent, while a sharp-looking old dowager +at the side of the table called out, "a rubber of four on, my Lord;" and +now began an explanation from the whole party at once. Nicholas saw this +was his time, and thought that in the melee, his hint might reach his +mistress unobserved by the remainder of the company. He accordingly +protruded his head into the room, and placing his finger upon the side of +his nose, and shutting one eye knowingly, with an air of great secrecy, +whispered out, "Miss Betty—Miss Betty, alanah!" For some minutes the +hum of the voices drowned his admonitions—but as, by degrees waxing +warmer in the cause, he called out more loudly,—every eye was turned to +the spot from whence these extraordinary sounds proceeded; and certainly +the appearance of Nicholas at the moment was well calculated to astonish +the "elegans" of a drawing room. With his one eye fixed eagerly in the +direction of his mistress, his red scratch wig pushed back off his +forehead, in the eagerness of his endeavour to be heard, there he stood, +perfectly unmindful of all around, save Miss O'Dowd herself. It may well +be believed, that such an apparition could not be witnessed with gravity, +and, accordingly a general titter ran through the room, the whist party +still contending about odd tricks and honours, being the only persons +insensible to the mirth around them—"Miss Betty, arrah, Miss Betty," +said Nicholas with a sigh that converted the subdued laughter of the +guests into a perfect burst of mirth. + +<p>"Eh," said his lordship, turning round; "what is this? We are losing +something excellent, I fear." + +<p>At this moment, he caught a glimpse of Nicholas, and, throwing himself +back in this chair, laughed immoderately. It was now Miss Betty's turn; +she was about to rise from the table, when the well-known accents of +Nicholas fell upon her ear. She fell back in her seat—there he was: the +messenger of the foul fiend himself would have been more welcome at that +moment. Her blood rushed to her face and temples; her hands tingled; she +closed her eyes, and when she opened them, there stood the accursed +Nicholas glowering at her still. + +<p>"Man—man!" said she at length; "what do you mean, what do you want +here?" + +<p>Poor Nicholas, little guessing that the question was intended to throw a +doubt upon her acquaintance with him, and conceiving that the hour for +the announcement had come, hesitated for an instant how he should +designate the conveyance. He could not call it a coach! It certainly +was not a buggy—neither was it a jaunting car—what should he say—he +looked earnestly, and even imploringly at his mistress, as if to convey +some sense of his difficulty, and then, as it were, catching a sudden +inspiration, winked once more—as he said:— + +<p>"Miss Betty—the—the—the—," and here he looked indescribably droll; +"the thing, you know, is at the door." + +<p>All his Lordship's politeness was too little for the occasion, and Miss +O'Dowd's tenantry were lost to the Callonby interest for ever. + +<hr> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> + +<h2><a name="ch4"></a>CHAPTER +IV.</h2> + +<br> +<br> + +<h3>BOTANICAL +STUDIES—THE NATURAL SYSTEM PREFERABLE TO THE +LINNEAN.</h3> + +<br> +<br> + +<h3><a name= +"Nicholas Announcing Miss Betty O'Dowds Carriage">Nicholas +Announcing Miss Betty O'Dowds +Carriage</a></h3> + +<center> + + +<a href="images2/Ch%2004%20%20Nicholas%20Announcing%20Carriage.jpg"> +<img alt="Ch 04 Nicholas Announcing Carriage.jpg (72K)" +src="images/Ch%2004%20%20Nicholas%20Announcing%20Carriage.jpg" height="780" +width="480"></a> +</center> + +<br> +<br> +<br> + +<p>"The carriage is at the door, my lord," said a servant, entering the +luncheon-room where we were all assembled. + +<p>"Now then, Mr. Lorrequer," said Lord Callonby, "allons, take another +glass of wine, and let us away. I expect you to make a most brilliant +speech, remember!" + +<p>His lordship here alluded to our intention of visiting a remote barony, +where a meeting of the freeholders was that day to be held, and at which +I was pledged for a "neat and appropriate" oration in abuse of the corn +laws and the holy alliance. + +<p>"I beg pardon, my lord," said her ladyship in a most languishing tone; +"but Mr. Lorrequer is pre-engaged; he has for the last week been +promising and deterring his visit to the new conservatory with me; where +he is to find out four or five of the Swiss shrubs that Collins cannot +make out—and which I am dying to know all about." + +<p>"Mr. Lorrequer is a false man then," said Lady Catherine, "for he said at +breakfast, that we should devote this afternoon to the chalk caves—as +the tide will be so far out, we can see them all perfectly." + +<p>"And I," said Lord Kilkee, "must put in my plea, that the aforesaid Mr. +Lorrequer is booked for a coursing match—'Mouche versus Jessie.'—Guilty +or not guilty?" + +<p>Lady Jane alone of all said not a word. + +<p>"Guilty on every count of the indictment," said I; "I throw myself on the +mercy of the court." + +<p>"Let his sentence then be banishment," said Lady Catherine with affected +anger, "and let him go with papa." + +<p>"I rather think," said Lord Kilkee, "the better plan is to let him visit +the conservatory, for I'd wager a fifty he finds it more difficult to +invent botany, than canvass freeholders; eh?" + +<p>"I am sure," said Lady Jane, for the first time breaking silence, "that +mamma is infinitely flattered by the proposal that Mr. Lorrequer's +company is to be conferred upon her for his sins." + +<p>"I am not to be affronted, nor quizzed out of my chaperon; here, Mr. +Lorrequer," said Lady Callonby rising, "get Smith's book there, and let +me have your arm; and now, young ladies, come along, and learn something, +if you can." + +<p>"An admirable proviso," said Lord Kilkee, laughing; "if his botany be +only as authentic as the autographs he gave Mrs. MacDermot, and all of +which he wrote himself, in my dressing-room, in half an hour. Napoleon +was the only difficult one in the number." + +<p>Most fortunately this unfair disclosure did not reach her ladyship's +ears, as she was busily engaged putting on her bonnet, and I was yet +unassailed in reputation to her. + +<p>"Good bye, then," said Lord Callonby; "we meet at seven;" and in a few +moments the little party were scattered to their several destinations. + +<p>"How very hot you have this place, Collins," said Lady Callonby as we +entered the conservatory. + +<p>"Only seventy-five, my lady, and the Magnolias require heat." + +<p>I here dropped a little behind, as if to examine a plant, and in a +half-whisper said to Lady Jane— + +<p>"How came it that you alone, Lady Jane, should forget I had made another +appointment? I thought you wished to make a sketch of Craigmoran +Abbey—did you forget that we were to ride there to-day?" + +<p>Before she could reply, Lady Callonby called out—"Oh, here it is, Mr. +Lorrequer. Is this a heath? that is the question." + +<p>Here her ladyship pointed to a little scrubby thing, that looked very +like a birch rod. I proceeded to examine it most minutely, while Collins +waited with all the intense anxiety of a man whose character depended on +the sentence. + +<p>"Collins will have it a jungermania," said she. + +<p>"And Collins is right," said I, not trusting myself with the +pronunciation of the awful word her ladyship uttered. + +<p>Collins looked ridiculously happy. + +<p>"Now that is so delightful," said Lady Callonby, as she stopped to look +for another puzzle. + +<p>"What a wretch it is," said Lady Catherine, covering her face with a +handkerchief. + +<p>"What a beautiful little flower," said Lady Jane, lifting up the bell of +a "lobelia splendens." + +<p>"You know, of course," said I, "what they call that flower in +France—L'amour tendre." + +<p>"Indeed!" + +<p>"True, I assure you; may I present you with this sprig of it," cutting +off a small twig, and presenting it at the same instant unseen by the +others. + +<p>She hesitated for an instant, and then extending her fair and taper hand +took it. I dared not look at her as she did so, but a proud swelling +triumph at my heart nearly choked me. + +<p>"Now Collins," said Lady Callonby, "I cannot find the Alpen tree I +brought home from the Grundenwald." + +<p>Collins hurried forward to her ladyship's side. + +<p>Lady Catherine was also called to assist in the search. + +<p>I was alone with Lady Jane. + +<p>"Now or never," thought I; I hesitated—I stammered—my voice faltered. +She saw my agitation; she participated in, and increased it. At last I +summoned up courage to touch her hand; she gently withdrew it—but so +gently, it was not a repulse. + +<p>"If Lady Jane," said I at length, "if the devoted—" + +<p>"Holloa, there," said a deep voice without; "is Mr. Lorrequer there?" + +<p>It was Lord Kilkee, returned from his coursing match. None but he who +has felt such an interruption, can feel for me. I shame to say that his +brotherhood to her, for whom I would have perilled my life, restrained me +not from something very like a hearty commendation of him to the powers +that burn— + +<p>"Down, dogs, there—down," continued he, and in a moment after entered +the conservatory flushed and heated with the chace. + +<p>"Mouche is the winner—two to one—and so, Master Shallow, I owe you a +thousand pounds." + +<p>Would to heaven that I had lost the wager, had it only taken a little +longer to decide it! I of course appeared overjoyed at my dog's success, +and listened with great pretence of interest to the narrative of the +"run;" the more so, because that though perhaps more my friend than the +older members of the family, Lord Kilkee evidently liked less than them, +my growing intimacy with his sister; and I was anxious to blind him on +the present occasion, when, but for his recent excitement, very little +penetration would have enabled him to detect that something unusual had +taken place. + +<p>It was now so nearly dark, that her ladyship's further search for the +alpine treasure became impossible, and so we turned our steps towards the +garden, where we continued to walk till joined by Lord Callonby. And now +began a most active discussion upon agriculture, rents, tithes, and +toryism, in which the ladies took but little part; and I had the +mortification to perceive that Lady Jane was excessively 'ennuyee', and +seized the first opportunity to leave the party and return to the house; +while her sister gave me from time to time certain knowing glances, as if +intimating that my knowledge of farming and political economy was pretty +much on a par with my proficiency in botany. + +<p>One has discovered me at least, thought I; but the bell had rung to dress +for dinner, and I hastened to my room to think over future plans, and +once more wonder at the singular position into which fate and the "rules +of the service" had thrown me. + +<hr> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> + +<h2><a name="ch5"></a>CHAPTER V.</h2> + +<br> +<br> + +<h3>PUZZLED—EXPLANATION—MAKES BAD WORSE—THE DEED</h3> + +<br> +<br> + + +<p>"Any letters?" said her ladyship to a servant, as she crossed the hall. + +<p>"Only one, my lady—for Mr. Lorrequer, I believe." + +<p>"For me!" thought I; "how is this?" My letters had been hitherto always +left in Kilrush. Why was this forwarded here? I hurried to the +drawing-room, where I found a double letter awaiting me. The writing was +Curzon's and contained the words "to be forwarded with haste" on the +direction. I opened and read as follows:—</p> +<blockquote><blockquote> +<p>"Dear Lorrequer,—Have you any recollection, among your numerous +'escapades' at Cork, of having grievously insulted a certain Mr. Giles +Beamish, in thought, word, or deed? If you have, I say, let me know with +all convenient despatch, whether the offence be one admitting of apology- +-for if not, the Lord have mercy on your soul—a more wrothy gentleman +than the aforesaid, it having rarely been my evil fortune to foregather +with. He called here yesterday to inquire your address, and at my +suggestion wrote a note, which I now enclose. I write in great haste, +and am ever yours faithfully, C. Curzon. + +<p>"N.B.—I have not seen his note, so explain all and every thing."</p> +</blockquote></blockquote> +<p>The inclosed letter ran thus: +<blockquote><blockquote> +<p>"Sir,—It can scarcely have escaped your memory, though now nearly two +months since, that at the Mayor's 'dejeune' in Cork, you were pleased to +make merry at my expense, and expose me and my family for your amusement. +This is to demand an immediate apology, or that satisfaction which, as an +officer, you will not refuse your most obedient servant, Giles Beamish, +Swinburne's Hotel."</p> +</blockquote></blockquote> +<p>"Giles Beamish! Giles Beamish!" said I, repeating the name in every +variety of emphasis, hoping to obtain some clue to the writer. Had I +been appointed the umpire between Dr. Wall and his reviewers, in the late +controversy about "phonetic signs," I could not have been more completely +puzzled than by the contents of this note. "Make merry at his expense!" +a great offence truly—I suppose I have laughed at better men than ever +he was; and I can only say of such innocent amusement, as Falstaff did of +sack and sugar, if such be a sin, "then heaven help the wicked." But I +wish I knew who he is, or what he alludes to, provided he is not mad, +which I begin to think not improbable. "By the bye, my Lord, do you know +any such person in the south as a Mr. Beamish—Giles Beamish?" + +<p>"To be sure," said Lord Callonby, looking up from his newspaper, "there +are several of the name of the highest respectability. One is an +alderman of Cork—a very rich man, too—but I don't remember his +Christian name." + +<p>"An alderman, did you say?" + +<p>"Yes. Alderman Beamish is very well known. I have seen him +frequently—a short florid, little man." + +<p>"Oh, it must be him," said I, musingly, "it must have been this worthy +alderman, from whose worshipful person I tore the robe of office on the +night of the fete. But what does he mean by 'my exposing him and his +family?' Why, zounds, his wife and children were not with him on the +pavement. Oh, I see it; it is the mansion-house school of eloquence; did +not Sir William Curtis apologise for not appearing at court, from having +lost an eye, which he designated as an awful 'domestic calamity.'" + +<p>It being now settled to my satisfaction, that Mr. Beamish and the great +uncloaked were "convertible terms," I set about making the 'amende' in +the most handsome manner possible. I wrote to the alderman a most +pacific epistle, regretting that my departure from Cork deprived me of +making reparation before, and expressing a most anxious hope that "he +caught no cold," and a fervent wish that "he would live many years to +grace and ornament the dignity of which his becoming costume was the +emblem." This I enclosed in a note to Curzon, telling him how the matter +occurred, and requesting that he would send it by his servant, together +with the scarlet vestment which he would find in my dressing-room. +Having folded and sealed this despatch, I turned to give Lord Callonby an +account of the business, and showed him Beamish's note, at which he was +greatly amused: and, indeed, it furnished food for mirth for the whole +party during the evening. The next morning I set out with Lord Callonby +on the long-threatened canvassing expedition—with the details of which I +need not burden my "Confessions." Suffice it to say, that when Lord +Kilkee was advocating Toryism in the west, I, his accredited ambassador, +was devoting to the infernal gods the prelacy, the peerage, and the +pension list—a mode of canvass well worthy of imitation in these +troublesome times; for, not to speak of the great prospect of success +from having friends on both sides of the question, the principal can +always divest himself of any unpleasant consequences as regards +inconsistency, by throing the blame on this friend, "who went too far," +as the appropriate phrase is. + +<p>Nothing could be more successful than our mission. Lord Callonby was +delighted beyond bounds with the prospect, and so completely carried away +by high spirits, and so perfectly assured that much of it was owing to my +exertions, that on the second morning of our tour—for we proceeded +through the county for three days—he came laughing into my +dressing-room, with a newspaper in his hand. + +<p>"Here, Lorrequer," said he, "here's news for you. You certainly must +read this," and he handed me a copy of the "Clare Herald," with an +account of our meeting the evening before. + +<p>After glancing my eye rapidly over the routine usual in such +cases—Humph, ha—nearly two hundred people—most respectable farmers—room +appropriately decorated—"Callonby Arms"—"after the usual loyal toasts, +the chairman rose"—Well, no matter. Ah! here it is: "Mr. Lorrequer here +addressed the meeting with a flow of eloquence it has rarely, if ever, +been our privilege to hear equalled. He began by"—humph— + +<p>"Ah," said his lordship, impatiently, "you will never find it out—look +here—'Mr. Lorrequer, whom we have mentioned as having made the highly +exciting speech, to be found in our first page, is, we understand, the +son of Sir Guy Lorrequer, of Elton, in Shropshire—one of the wealthiest +baronets in England. If rumour speak truly, there is a very near +prospect of an alliance between this talented and promising young +gentleman, and the beautiful and accomplished daughter of a certain +noble earl, with whom he has been for some time domesticated." + +<p>"Eh, what think you? Son of Sir Guy Lorrequer. I always thought my old +friend a bachelor, but you see the 'Clare Herald' knows better. Not to +speak of the last piece of intelligence, it is very good, is it not?" + +<p>"Capital, indeed," said I, trying to laugh, and at the same time blushing +confoundedly, and looking as ridiculously as need be. + +<p>It now struck me forcibly that there was something extremely odd in his +lordship's mention of this paragraph, particularly when coupled with his +and Lady Callonby's manner to me for the last two months. They knew +enough of my family, evidently, to be aware of my station and +prospects—or rather my want of both—and yet, in the face of this, they not only +encouraged me to prolong a most delightful visit, but by a thousand daily +and dangerous opportunities, absolutely threw me in the way of one of the +loveliest of her sex, seemingly without fear on their parts. "'Eh bien,'" +thought I, with my old philosophy, "Time, that 'pregnant old gentleman,' +will disclose all, and so 'laisse, aller.'" + +<p>My reveries on my good and evil fortune were suddenly interrupted by a +letter which reached me that evening, having been forwarded from Callonby +by a special messenger. "What! Another epistle from Curzon," said I, as +my eye caught the address, and wondering not a little what pressing +emergency had called forth the words on the cover—"to be forwarded with +haste." I eagerly broke the seal and read the following: + +<p>"My Dear Harry,—I received yours on the 11th, and immediately despatched +your note and the raiment to Mr. Beamish. He was from home at the time, +but at eight o'clock I was sent for from the mess to see two gentlemen on +most pressing business. I hurried to my quarters, and there found the +aforesaid Mr. B. accompanied by a friend, whom he introduced as Dr. De +Courcy Finucane, of the North Cork Militia—as warlike looking a +gentleman, of his inches, some five feet three, as you would wish to see. +The moment I appeared, both rose, and commenced a narrative, for such I +judge it to be, but so energetically and so completely together, that I +could only bow politely, and at last request that one, or the other, +would inform me of the object of their visit. Here began the tug of war, +the Doctor saying, 'Arrah, now Giles'—Mr. Beamish interrupting by +'Whisht, I tell ye—now, can't you let me! Ye see, Mr. Curzoin'—for so +they both agreed to designate me. At last, completely worn out, I said, +'Perhaps you have not received my friend's note?' At this Mr. Beamish +reddened to the eyes, and with the greatest volubility poured forth a +flood of indignant eloquence, that I thought it necessary to check; but +in this I failed, for after informing me pretty clearly, that he knew +nothing of your story of the alderman, or his cloak, added, that he +firmly believed your pretended reparation was only a renewed insult, and +that—but in a word, he used such language, that I was compelled to take +him short; and the finale is, that I agreed you should meet him, though +still ignorant of what he calls the 'original offence.'—But heaven +knows, his conduct here last night demands a reprimand, and I hope you +may give it; and if you shoot him, we may worm out the secret from his +executors. Nothing could exceed the politeness of the parties on my +consenting to this arrangement. Dr. Finucane proposed Carrigaholt, as +the rendezvous, about 12 miles, I believe, from Kilrush, and Tuesday +evening at six as the time, which will be the very earliest moment we can +arrive there. So, pray be up to time, and believe me yours, C. Curzon, +Saturday Evening." + +<p>It was late on Monday evening when this letter reached me, and there was +no time to be lost, as I was then about 40 Irish miles from the place +mentioned by Curzon; so after briefly acquainting Lord Callonby that I +was called off by duty, I hurried to my room to pack my clothes, and +again read over this extraordinary epistle. + +<p>I confess it did appear something droll, how completely Curzon seemed to +imbibe the passion for fighting from these "blood-thirsty Irishmen." +For by his own showing he was utterly ignorant of my ever having offended +this Mr. Beamish, of whom I recollected nothing whatever. Yet when the +gentleman waxes wrothy, rather than inconvenience him, or perhaps anxious +to get back to the mess, he coolly says, "Oh, my friend shall meet you," +and then his pleasant jest, "find out the cause of quarrel from his +executors!" + +<p>Truly, thought I, there is no equanimity like his who acts as your second +in a duel. The gentlemanlike urbanity with which he waits on the +opposite friend—the conciliating tone with which he proffers implacable +enmity—the killing kindness with which he refuses all accommodation—the +Talleyrand air of his short notes, dated from the "Travellers," or +"Brookes," with the words 3 o'clock or 5 o'clock on the cover, all +indicative of the friendly precipitancy of the negociation. Then, when +all is settled, the social style with which he asks you to take a +"cutlet" with him at the "Clarendon," not to go home—are only to be +equalled by the admirable tact on the ground—the studiously elegant +salute to the adverse party, half a la Napoleon, and half Beau +Brummell—the politely offered snuff-box—the coquetting raillery about 10 paces or +12—are certainly the beau ideal of the stoicism which preludes sending +your friend out of the world like a gentleman. + +<p>How very often is the face of external nature at variance with the +thoughts and actions—"the sayings and doings" we may be most intent upon +at the moment. How many a gay and brilliant bridal party has wended its +way to St. George's, Hanover-square, amid a downpour of rain, one would +suppose sufficient to quench the torch of Hymen, though it burned as +brightly as Capt. Drummond's oxygen light; and on the other hand, how +frequently are the bluest azure of heaven and the most balmy airs shed +upon the heart bursting with affliction, or the head bowed with grief; +and without any desire to impugn, as a much high authority has done, the +moral character of the moon, how many a scene of blood and rapine has its +mild radiance illumined. Such reflections as these came thronging to my +mind, as on the afternoon of Tuesday I neared the little village of our +rendezvous. + +<p>The scene which in all its peaceful beauty lay before me, was truly a +bitter contrast to the occasion that led me thither. I stood upon a +little peninsula which separates the Shannon from the wide Atlantic. On +one side the placed river flowed on its course, between fields of waving +corn, or rich pasturage—the beautiful island of Scattery, with its +picturesque ruins reflected in the unrippled tide—the cheerful voices of +the reapers, and the merry laugh of the children were mingled with the +seaman's cry of the sailors, who were "heaving short" on their anchor, +to take the evening tide. The village, which consisted of merely a few +small cabins, was still from its situation a pleasing object in the +picture, and the blue smoke that rose in slender columns from the humble +dwellings, took from the scene its character of loneliness, and suggested +feelings of home and homely enjoyments, which human habitations, however, +lowly, never fail to do. + +<p>"At any other time," thought I, "and how I could have enjoyed all this, +but now—and, ha, I find it is already past five o'clock, and if I am +rightly informed I am still above a mile from 'Carrigaholt,' where we +were to meet." + +<p>I had dismissed my conveyance when nearing the village, to avoid +observation, and now took a foot-path over the hills. Before I had +proceeded half a mile, the scene changed completely. I found myself +traversing a small glen, grown over with a low oak scrub, and not +presenting, on any side, the slightest trace of habitation. I saw that +the ground had been selected by an adept. The glen, which grew narrow as +I advanced, suddenly disclosed to my view a glimpse of the Atlantic, upon +which the declining sun was pouring a flood of purple glory. I had +scarcely turned from the contemplation of this beautiful object, when a +long low whistle attracted my attention. I looked in the direction from +whence it proceeded, and discovered at some distance from me three +figures standing beside the ruin of an old Abbey, which I now for the +first time perceived. + +<p>If I had entertained any doubt as to who they were, it had been speedily +resolved, for I now saw one of the party waving his hat to me, whom, I +soon recognized to be Curzon; he came forward to meet me, and, in the few +hundred yards that intervened before our reaching the others, told me as +much as he knew of the opposite party; which, after all, was but little. +Mr. Beamish, my adversary, he described as a morose, fire-eating +southern, that evidently longed for an "affair" with a military man, then +considered a circumstance of some eclat in the south; his second, the +doctor, on the contrary, was by far "the best of the cut-throats," a most +amusing little personage, full of his own importance, and profuse in his +legends of his own doings in love and war, and evidently disposed to take +the pleasing side of every occurrence in life; they both agreed in but +one point—a firm and fixed resolve to give no explanation of the quarrel +with me. "So then," said I, as Curzon hurried over the preceding +account, "you absolutely know nothing whatever of the reason for which I +am about to give this man a meeting." + +<p>"No more than you," said Curzon, with imperturbable gravity; "but one +thing I am certain of—had I not at once promised him such, he would have +posted you in Limerick the next morning; and as you know our mess rule in +the 4_th, I thought it best—" + +<p>"Oh, certainly, quite right; but now are you quite certain I am the man +who offended him? For I solemnly assure you, I have not the most remote +recollection of having ever heard of him." + +<p>"That point," said Curzon, "there can be no doubt of, for he not only +designated you as Mr. Harry Lorrequer, but the gentleman that made all +Cork laugh so heartily, by his representation of Othello." + +<p>"Stop!" said I, "say not a word more; I'm his man." + +<p>By this time we had reached the ruins, and turning a corner came in full +contact with the enemy; they had been resting themselves on a tombstone +as we approached. + +<p>"Allow me," said Curzon, stepping a little in advance of me; "allow me to +introduce my friend Mr. Lorrequer, Dr. Finicane,—Dr. Finicane, Mr. +Lorrequer." + +<p>"Finucane, if quite agreeable to you; Finucane," said the little +gentleman, as he lifted his hat straight off his head, and replaced it +most accurately, by way of salute. "Mr. Lorrequer, it is with sincere +pleasure I make your acquaintance." Here Mr. Beamish bowed stiffly, in +return to my salutation, and at the instant a kind of vague sensation +crossed my mind, that those red whiskers, and that fiery face were not +seen for the first time; but the thumbscrews of the holy office would +have been powerless to refresh my memory as to when. + +<p>"Captain," said the doctor, "may I request the favour of your company +this way, one minute;" they both walked aside; the only words which +reached me as I moved off, to permit their conference, being an assurance +on the part of the doctor, "that it was a sweet spot he picked out, for, +by having them placed north and south, neither need have a patch of sky +behind him." Very few minutes sufficed for preliminaries, and they both +advanced, smirking and smiling, as if they had just arranged a new plan +for the amelioration of the poor, or the benefit of the manufacturing +classes, instead of making preparations for sending a gentleman out of +the world. + +<p>"Then if I understand you, captain," said the doctor, "you step the +distance, and I give the word." + +<p>"Exactly," said Curzon. + +<p>After a joking allusion to my friend's length of limb, at which we all +laughed heartily, we were placed, Curzon and the doctor standing and +breaking the line between us; the pistols were then put into our hands, +the doctor saying—"Now, gentlemen, I'll just retire six paces, and turn +round, which will be quite time enough to prepare, and at the word +'fire,' ye'll blaze away; mind now." With a knowing wink, the doctor +delivered this direction, and immediately moved off; the word "fire" +followed, and both pistols went off together. My hat was struck near the +top, and, as the smoke cleared away, I perceived that my ball had taken +effect upon my adversary; he was wounded a little below the knee and +appeared to steady himself with the greatest difficulty. "You friend is +hit," said Curzon, to the doctor, who now came forward with another +pistol. "You friend is hit." + +<p>"So I perceive," said he, placing his finger on the spot; "but it is no +harm in life; so we proceed, if you please." + +<p>"You don't mean to demand another shot?" said Curzon. + +<p>"Faith, do I," said the doctor coolly. + +<p>"Then," said Curzon, "I must tell you most unequivocally, I refuse, and +shall now withdraw my friend; and had it not been for a regulation +peculiar to our regiment, but never intended to include cases of this +nature, we had not been here now; for up to this hour my principal and +myself are in utter ignorance of any cause of offence ever having been +offered by him to Mr. Beamish." + +<p>"Giles, do you hear this?" said the doctor. + +<p>But Giles did not hear it, for the rapid loss of blood from his wound had +so weakened him, that he had fainted, and now lay peaceably on the grass. +Etiquette was now at an end, and we all ran forward to assist the wounded +man; for some minutes he lay apparently quite senseless, and when he at +last rallied and looked wildly about him, it appeared to be with +difficulty that he recalled any recollection of the place, and the people +around him; for a few seconds he fixed his eyes steadily upon the doctor, +and with a lip pale and bloodless, and a voice quivering from weakness, +said, + +<p>"Fin! Didn't I tell ye, that pistol always threw high—oh!" and this he +said with a sigh that nearly overpowered him, "Oh, Fin, if you had only +given me the saw-handled one, that I AM USED TO; but it is no good +talking now." + +<p>In my inmost heart I was grateful to the little doctor for his mistake, +for I plainly perceived what "the saw-handled one he was used to" might +have done for me, and could not help muttering to myself with good Sir +Andrew—"If I had known he was so cunning of fence, I'd have seen him +damned before that I fought with him." + +<p>Our first duty was now to remove the wounded man to the high road, about +which both he himself and his second seemed disposed to make some +difficulty; they spoke together for a few moments in a low tone of voice, +and then the doctor addressed us—"We feel, gentlemen, this is not a +time for any concealment; but the truth is, we have need of great +circumspection here, for I must inform you, we are both of us bound +over in heavy recognizances to keep the peace." + +<p>"Bound over to keep the peace!" said Curzon and myself together. + +<p>"Nothing less; and although there is nobody hereabout would tell, yet if +the affair got into the papers by any means, why there are some people in +Cork would like to press my friend there, for he is a very neat shot when +he has the saw-handle," and here the doctor winked. + +<p>We had little time permitted us, to think upon the oddity of meeting a +man in such circumstances, for we were now obliged to contribute our aid +in conveying him to the road, where some means might be procured for his +transfer to Kilrush, or some other town in the neighbourhood, for he was +by this time totally unable to walk. + +<p>After half an hour's toiling, we at last did reach the highway, by which +time I had ample opportunity, short as the space was, to see something of +the character of our two opponents. It appeared the doctor exercised the +most absolute control over his large friend, dictating and commanding in +a tone which the other never ventured to resist; for a moment or two Mr. +Beamish expressed a great desire to be conveyed by night to Kilrush, +where he might find means to cross the Shannon into Kerry; this, however, +the doctor opposed strenuously, from the risque of publicity; and finally +settled that we should all go in a body to his friend, Father Malachi +Brennan's house, only two miles off, where the sick man would have the +most tender care, and what the doctor considered equally indispensable, +we ourselves a most excellent supper, and a hearty welcome. + +<p>"You know Father Malachi, of course, Mr. Lorrequer?" + +<p>"I am ashamed to say I do not." + +<p>"Not know Malachi Brennan and live in Clare! Well, well, that is +strange; sure he is the priest of this country for twelve miles in every +direction of you, and a better man, and a pleasanter, there does not live +in the diocese; though I'm his cousin that says it." + +<p>After professing all the possible pleasure it would afford my friend and +myself to make the acquaintance of Father Malachi, we proceeded to place +Mr. Beamish in a car that was passing at the time, and started for the +residence of the good priest. The whole of the way thither I was +occupied but by one thought, a burning anxiety to know the cause of our +quarrel, and I longed for the moment when I might get the doctor apart +from his friend, to make the inquiry. + +<p>"There—look down to your left, where you see the lights shining so +brightly, that is Father Malachi's house; as sure as my name is +De Courcy Finucane, there's fun going on there this night." + +<p>"Why, there certainly does seem a great illumination in the valley +there," said I. + +<p>"May I never," said the doctor, "if it isn't a station—" + +<p>"A station!—pray may I ask—" + +<p>"You need not ask a word on the subject; for, if I am a true prophet, +you'll know what it means before morning." + +<p>A little more chatting together, brought us to a narrow road, flanked on +either side by high hedges of hawthorn, and, in a few minutes more, we +stood before the priest's residence, a long, white-washed, thatched +house, having great appearance of comfort and convenience. Arrived here, +the doctor seemed at once to take on him the arrangement of the whole +party; for, after raising the latch and entering the house, he returned +to us in a few minutes, and said, + +<p>"Wait a while now; we'll not go in to Father Malachi, 'till we've put +Giles to bed." + +<p>We, accordingly, lifted him from off the car, and assisted him into the +house, and following Finucane down a narrow passage, at last reached a +most comfortable little chamber, with a neat bed; here we placed him, +while the doctor gave some directions to a bare-headed, red-legged +hussey, without shoes or stockings, and himself proceeded to examine the +wound, which was a more serious one than it at first appeared. + +<p>After half an hour thus occupied, during which time, roars of merriment +and hearty peals of laughter burst upon us every time the door opened, +from a distant part of the house, where his reverence was entertaining +his friends, and which, as often as they were heard by the doctor seemed +to produce in him sensations not unlike those that afflicted the "wedding +guest" in the "Ancient Mariner," when he heard the "loud bassoon," and as +certainly imparted an equally longing desire to be a partaker in the +mirth. We arranged every thing satisfactorily for Mr. Beamish's comfort, +and with a large basin of vinegar and water, to keep his knee cool, and a +strong tumbler of hot punch, to keep his heart warm—homeopathic medicine +is not half so new as Dr. Hahnneman would make us believe—we left Mr. +Beamish to his own meditations, and doubtless regrets that he did not get +"the saw-handled one, he was used to," while we proceeded to make our +bows to Father Malachi Brennan. + +<p>But, as I have no intention to treat the good priest with ingratitude, I +shall not present him to my readers at the tail of a chapter. + +<hr> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> + +<h2><a name="ch6"></a>CHAPTER VI.</h2> + +<br> +<br> + +<h3>THE PRIEST'S +SUPPER—FATHER MALACHI AND THE COADJUTOR +<br> +—MAJOR JONES AND THE ABBE</h3> + +<br> +<br> +<h3><a name= +"The Sentry Challenging Father Luke and the Abbe">The Sentry +Challenging Father Luke and the +Abbe</a></h3> + +<center> +<a href="images2/Ch%2006a%20%20Sentry%20Challenging%20the%20Abbe.jpg"> +<img alt="Ch 06a Sentry Challenging the Abbe.jpg (76K)" src= +"images/Ch%2006a%20%20Sentry%20Challenging%20the%20Abbe.jpg" height= +"780" width="480"></a> +</center> + +<br> +<br> +<br> + +<p>At the conclusion of our last chapter we left our quondam antagonist, +Mr. Beamish, stretched at full length upon a bed practising homeopathy +by administering hot punch to her fever, while we followed our chaperon, +Doctor Finucane, into the presence of the Reverend Father Brennan. + +<p>The company into which we now, without any ceremony on our parts, +introduced ourselves, consisted of from five and twenty to thirty +persons, seated around a large oak table, plentifully provided with +materials for drinking, and cups, goblets, and glasses of every shape and +form. The moment we entered, the doctor stepped forward, and, touching +Father Malachi on the shoulder,—for so I rightly guessed him +to be,—presented himself to his relative, by whom he was welcomed with every +demonstration of joy. While their recognitions were exchanged, and while +the doctor explained the reasons of our visit, I was enabled, undisturbed +and unnoticed, to take a brief survey of the party. + +<p>Father Malachi Brennan, P.P. of Carrigaholt, was what I had often +pictured to myself as the beau ideal of his caste; his figure was short, +fleshy, and enormously muscular, and displayed proportions which wanted +but height to constitute a perfect Hercules; his legs so thick in the +calf, so taper in the ancle, looked like nothing I know, except perhaps, +the metal balustrades of Carlisle—bridge; his face was large and rosy, +and the general expression, a mixture of unbounded good humour and +inexhaustible drollery, to which the restless activity of his black and +arched eye—brows greatly contributed; and his mouth, were it not for a +character of sensuality and voluptuousness about the nether lip, had been +actually handsome; his head was bald, except a narrow circle close above +the ears, which was marked by a ring of curly dark hair, sadly +insufficient however, to conceal a development behind, that, if there be +truth in phrenology, bodes but little happiness to the disciples of Miss +Martineau. + +<p>Add to these external signs a voice rich, fluent, and racy, with the +mellow "doric" of his country, and you have some faint resemblance of one +"every inch a priest." The very antipodes to the 'bonhomie' of this +figure, confronted him as croupier at the foot of the table. This, +as I afterwards learned, was no less a person than Mister Donovan, the +coadjutor or "curate;" he was a tall, spare, ungainly looking man of +about five and thirty, with a pale, ascetic countenance, the only +readable expression of which vibrated between low suspicion and intense +vulgarity: over his low, projecting forehead hung down a mass of straight +red hair; indeed—for nature is not a politician—it almost approached an +orange hue. This was cut close to the head all around, and displayed in +their full proportions a pair of enormous ears, which stood out in +"relief," like turrets from a watch-tower, and with pretty much the same +object; his skin was of that peculiar colour and texture, to which, not +all "the water in great Neptune's ocean" could impart a look of +cleanliness, while his very voice, hard, harsh, and inflexible, was +unprepossessing and unpleasant. And yet, strange as it may seem, he, +too, was a correct type of his order; the only difference being, that +Father Malachi was an older coinage, with the impress of Donay or St. +Omers, whereas Mister Donovan was the shining metal, fresh stamped from +the mint of Maynooth. + +<br> +<br> +<br> + +<h3><a name= +"Supper at Father Malachi's">Supper at Father +Malachi's</a></h3> + +<center> +<a href="images2/Ch%2006b%20Supper%20at%20Father%20Malachis.jpg"> +<img alt="Ch 06b Supper at Father Malachi's.jpg (77K)" src= +"images/Ch%2006b%20Supper%20at%20Father%20Malachis.jpg" height="780" +width="480"></a> +</center> + +<br> +<br> +<br> + +<p>While thus occupied in my surveillance of the scene before me, I was +roused by the priest saying— + +<p>"Ah, Fin, my darling, you needn't deny it; you're at the old game as sure +as my name is Malachi, and ye'll never be easy nor quiet till ye're sent +beyond the sea, or maybe have a record of your virtues on half a ton of +marble in the church—yard, yonder." + +<p>"Upon my honour, upon the sacred honour of a De Courcy—." + +<p>"Well, well, never mind it now; ye see ye're just keeping your friends +cooling themselves there in the corner—introduce me at once." + +<p>"Mr. Lorrequer, I'm sure—." + +<p>"My name is Curzon," said the adjutant, bowing. + +<p>"A mighty pretty name, though a little profane; well, Mr. Curse-on," for +so he pronounced it, "ye're as welcome as the flowers in May; and it's +mighty proud I am to see ye here. + +<p>"Mr. Lorrequer, allow me to shake your hand—I've heard of ye before." + +<p>There seemed nothing very strange in that; for go where I would through +this country, I seemed as generally known as ever was Brummell +in Bond-street. + +<p>"Fin tells me," continued Father Malachi, "that ye'd rather not be known +down here, in regard of a reason," and here he winked. "Make yourselves +quite easy; the king's writ was never but once in these parts; and the +'original and true copy' went back to Limerick in the stomach of the +server; they made him eat it, Mr. Lorrequer; but it's as well to be +cautious, for there are a good number here. A little dinner, a little +quarterly dinner we have among us, Mr. Curseon, to be social together, +and raise a 'thrifle' for the Irish college at Rome, where we have a +probationer or two, ourselves. + +<p>"As good as a station, and more drink," whispered Fin into my ear. "And +now," continued the priest, "ye must just permit me to re-christen ye +both, and the contribution will not be the less for what I'm going to do; +and I'm certain you'll not be worse for the change Mr. Curseon—though +'tis only for a few hours, ye'll have a dacent name." + +<p>As I could see no possible objection to this proposal, nor did Curzon +either, our only desire being to maintain the secrecy necessary for our +antagonist's safety, we at once assented; when Father Malachi took me by +the hand, but with such a total change in his whole air and deportment +that I was completely puzzled by it; he led me forward to the company +with a good deal of the ceremonious reverence I have often admired in Sir +Charles Vernon, when conducting some full—blown dowager through the +mazes of a castle minuet. The desire to laugh outright was almost +irresistible, as the Rev. Father stood at arm's length from me, still +holding my hand, and bowing to the company pretty much in the style of a +manager introducing a blushing debutante to an audience. A moment more, +and I must have inevitably given way to a burst of laughter, when what +was my horror to hear the priest present me to the company as their +"excellent, worthy, generous, and patriotic young landlord, Lord Kilkee. +Cheer every mother's son of ye; cheer I say;" and certainly precept was +never more strenuously backed by example, for he huzzaed till I thought +he would burst a blood—vessel; may I add, I almost wished it, such was +the insufferable annoyance, the chagrin, this announcement gave me; and +I waited with eager impatience for the din and clamour to subside, to +disclaim every syllable of the priest's announcement, and take the +consequences of my baptismal epithet, cost what it might. To this I was +impelled by many and important reasons. Situated as I was with respect +to the Callonby family, my assumption of their name at such a moment +might get abroad, and the consequences to me, be inevitable ruin; and +independent of my natural repugnance to such sailing under false colours, +I saw Curzon laughing almost to suffocation at my wretched predicament, +and (so strong within me was the dread of ridicule) I thought, "what a +pretty narrative he is concocting for the mess this minute." I rose +to reply; and whether Father Malachi, with his intuitive quickness, +guessed my purpose or not, I cannot say, but he certainly resolved to +out-maneuver me, and he succeeded: while with one hand he motioned to the +party to keep silence, with the other he took hold of Curzon, but with no +peculiar or very measured respect, and introduced him as Mr. MacNeesh, +the new Scotch steward and improver—a character at that time whose +popularity might compete with a tithe proctor or an exciseman. So +completely did this tactique turn the tables upon the poor adjutant, who +the moment before was exulting over me, that I utterly forgot my own +woes, and sat down convulsed with mirth at his situation—an emotion +certainly not lessened as I saw Curzon passed from one to the other at +table, "like a pauper to his parish," till he found an asylum at the very +foot, in juxta with the engaging Mister Donovan. A propinquity, if I +might judge from their countenances, uncoveted by either party. + +<p>While this was performing, Doctor Finucane was making his recognitions +with several of the company, to whom he had been long known during his +visits to the neighbourhood. I now resumed my place on the right of the +Father, abandoning for the present all intention of disclaiming my rank, +and the campaign was opened. The priest now exerted himself to the +utmost to recall conversation with the original channels, and if possible +to draw off attention from me, which he still feared, might, perhaps, +elicit some unlucky announcement on my part. Failing in his endeavours +to bring matters to their former footing, he turned the whole brunt of +his attentions to the worthy doctor, who sat on his left. + +<p>"How goes on the law," said he, "Fin? Any new proofs, as they call them, +forthcoming?" + +<p>What Fin replied, I could not hear, but the allusion to the "suit" was +explained by Father Malachi informing us that the only impediment between +his cousin and the title of Kinsale lay in the unfortunate fact, that his +grandmother, "rest her sowl," was not a man. + +<p>Doctor Finucane winced a little under the manner in which this was +spoken: but returned the fire by asking if the bishop was down lately in +that quarter? The evasive way in which "the Father" replied having +stimulated my curiosity as to the reason, little entreaty was necessary +to persuade the doctor to relate the following anecdote, which was not +relished the less by his superior, that it told somewhat heavily on Mr. +Donovan. + +<p>"It is about four years ago," said the doctor, "since the Bishop, Dr. +Plunkett, took it into his head that he'd make a general inspection, 'a +reconnoisance," as we'd call it, Mr. Lor—that is, my lord! Through the +whole diocese, and leave no part far nor near without poking his nose in +it and seeing how matters were doing. He heard very queer stories about +his reverence here, and so down he came one morning in the month of July, +riding upon an old grey hack, looking just for all the world like any +other elderly gentleman in very rusty black. When he got near the +village he picked up a little boy to show him the short cut across the +fields to the house here; and as his lordship was a 'sharp man and a +shrewd,' he kept his eye on every thing as he went along, remarking this, +and noting down that. + +<p>"'Are ye regular in yer duties, my son?' said he to the gossoon. + +<p>"'I never miss a Sunday,' said the gossoon; 'for it's always walking his +reverence's horse I am the whole time av prayers.' + +<p>"His lordship said no more for a little while, when he muttered between +his teeth, 'Ah, it's just slander—nothing but slander and lying +tongues.' This soliloquy was caused by his remarking that on every gate +he passed, or from every cabin, two or three urchins would come out half +naked, but all with the finest heads of red hair he ever saw in his life. + +<p>"'How is it, my son,' said he, at length; 'they tell very strange stories +about Father Malachi, and I see so many of these children with red hair. +Eh—now Father Malachi's a dark man.' + +<p>"'True for ye,' said the boy; 'true for ye, Father Malachi's dark; but +the coadjutor!—the coadjutor's as red as a fox.'" + +<p>When the laugh this story caused had a little subsided, Father Malachi +called out, "Mickey Oulahan! Mickey, I say, hand his lordship over 'the +groceries'"—thus he designated a square decanter, containing about two +quarts of whiskey, and a bowl heaped high with sugar—"a dacent boy is +Mickey, my lord, and I'm happy to be the means of making him known to +you." I bowed with condescension, while Mr. Oulahan's eyes sparkled like +diamonds at the recognition. + +<p>"He has only two years of the lease to run, and a 'long charge,' +(anglice, a large family,) continued the priest. + +<p>"I'll not forget him, you may depend upon it," said I. + +<p>"Do you hear that," said Father Malachi, casting a glance of triumph +round the table, while a general buzz of commendation on priest and +patron went round, with many such phrases as, "Och thin, it's his +riv'rance can do it," "na bocklish," "and why not," As for me, +I have already "confessed" to my crying sin, a fatal, irresistible +inclination to follow the humour of the moment wherever it led me; and +now I found myself as active a partizan in quizzing Mickey Oulahan, as +though I was not myself a party included in the jest. I was thus fairly +launched into my inveterate habit, and nothing could arrest my progress. + +<p>One by one the different individuals round the table were presented to +me, and made known their various wants, with an implicit confidence in my +power of relieving them, which I with equal readiness ministered to. I +lowered the rent of every man at table. I made a general jail delivery, +an act of grace, (I blush to say,) which seemed to be peculiarly +interesting to the present company. I abolished all arrears—made a new +line of road through an impassable bog, and over an inaccessible +mountain—and conducted water to a mill, which (I learned in the morning) +was always worked by wind. The decanter had scarcely completed its third +circuit of the board, when I bid fair to be most popular specimen of the +peerage that ever visited the "far west." In the midst of my career of +universal benevolence, I was interrupted by Father Malachi, whom I found +on his legs, pronouncing a glowing eulogium on his cousin's late +regiment, the famous North Cork. + +<p>"That was the corps!" said he. "Bid them do a thing, and they'd never +leave off; and so, when they got orders to retire from Wexford, it's +little they cared for the comforts of baggage, like many another +regiment, for they threw away every thing but their canteens, and never +stopped till they ran to Ross, fifteen miles farther than the enemy +followed them. And when they were all in bed the same night, fatigued +and tired with their exertions, as ye may suppose, a drummer's boy called +out in his sleep—'here they are—they're coming'—they all jumped up and +set off in their shirts, and got two miles out of town before they +discovered it was a false alarm." + +<p>Peal after peal of laughter followed the priest's encomium on the +doctor's regiment; and, indeed, he himself joined most heartily in the +mirth, as he might well afford to do, seeing that a braver or better +corps than the North Cork, Ireland did not possess. + +<p>"Well," said Fin, "it's easy to see ye never can forget what they did at +Maynooth." + +<p>Father Malachi disclaimed all personal feeling on the subject; and I was +at last gratified by the following narrative, which I regret deeply I am +not enabled to give in the doctor's own verbiage; but writing as I do +from memory, (in most instances,) I can only convey the substance: + +<p>It was towards the latter end of the year '98—the year of the +troubles—that the North Cork was ordered, "for their sins" I believe, to march +from their snug quarters in Fermoy, and take up a position in the town of +Maynooth—a very considerable reverse of fortune to a set of gentlemen +extremely addicted to dining out, and living at large upon a very +pleasant neighbourhood. Fermoy abounded in gentry; Maynooth at that, +time had few, if any, excepting his Grace of Leinster, and he lived very +privately, and saw no company. Maynooth was stupid and dull—there were +neither belles nor balls; Fermoy (to use the doctor's well remembered +words) had "great feeding," and "very genteel young ladies, that carried +their handkerchiefs in bags, and danced with the officers." + +<p>They had not been many weeks in their new quarters, when they began to +pine over their altered fortunes, and it was with a sense of delight, +which a few months before would have been incomprehensible to them, they +discovered, that one of their officers had a brother, a young priest in +the college: he introduced him to some of his confreres, and the natural +result followed. A visiting acquaintance began between the regiment and +such of the members of the college as had liberty to leave the precincts: +who, as time ripened the acquaintance into intimacy, very naturally +preferred the cuisine of the North Cork to the meagre fare of "the +refectory." At last seldom a day went by, without one or two of their +reverences finding themselves guests at the mess. The North Corkians +were of a most hospitable turn, and the fathers were determined the +virtue should not rust for want of being exercised; they would just drop +in to say a word to "Captain O'Flaherty about leave to shoot in the +demesne," as Carton was styled; or, they had a "frank from the Duke for +the Colonel," or some other equally pressing reason; and they would +contrive to be caught in the middle of a very droll story just as the +"roast beef" was playing. Very little entreaty then sufficed—a short +apology for the "dereglements" of dress, and a few minutes more found +them seated at table without further ceremony on either side. + +<p>Among the favourite guests from the college, two were peculiarly held in +estimation—"the Professor of the Humanities," Father Luke Mooney; and the +Abbe D'Array, "the Lecturer on Moral Philosophy, and Belles Lettres;" and +certain it is, pleasanter fellows, or more gifted with the "convivial +bump," there never existed. He of the Humanities was a droll dog—a +member of the Curran club, the "monks of the screw," told an excellent +story, and sang the "Cruiskeen Lawn" better than did any before or since +him;—the moral philosopher, though of a different genre, was also a most +agreeable companion, an Irishman transplanted in his youth to St. Omers, +and who had grafted upon his native humour a considerable share of French +smartness and repartee—such were the two, who ruled supreme in all the +festive arrangements of this jovial regiment, and were at last as regular +at table, as the adjutant and the paymaster, and so might they have +continued, had not prosperity, that in its blighting influence upon the +heart, spares neither priests nor laymen, and is equally severe upon mice +(see Aesop's fable) and moral philosophers, actually deprived them, for +the "nonce" of reason, and tempted them to their ruin. You naturally +ask, what did they do? Did they venture upon allusions to the retreat +upon Ross? Nothing of the kind. Did they, in that vanity which wine +inspires, refer by word, act, or inuendo, to the well-known order of +their Colonel when reviewing his regiment in "the Phoenix," to "advance +two steps backwards, and dress by the gutter." Far be it from them: +though indeed either of these had been esteemed light in the balance +compared with their real crime. "Then, what was their failing—come, +tell it, and burn ye?" They actually, "horresco referens," quizzed the +Major coram the whole mess!—Now, Major John Jones had only lately +exchanged into the North Cork from the "Darry Ragement," as he called it. +He was a red—hot orangeman, a deputy—grand something, and vice-chairman +of the "'Prentice Boys" beside. He broke his leg when a school—boy, by +a fall incurred in tying an orange handkerchief around King William's +August neck in College-green, on one 12th of July, and three several +times had closed the gates of Derry with his own loyal hands, on the +famed anniversary; in a word, he was one, that if his church had enjoined +penance as an expiation for sin, would have looked upon a trip to +Jerusalem on his bare knees, as a very light punishment for the crime on +his conscience, that he sat at table with two buck priests from Maynooth, +and carved for them, like the rest of the company! + +<p>Poor Major Jones, however, had no such solace, and the canker-worm eat +daily deeper and deeper into his pining heart. During the three or four +weeks of their intimacy with his regiment, his martyrdom was awful. His +figure wasted, and his colour became a deeper tinge of orange, and all +around averred that there would soon be a "move up" in the corps, for the +major had evidently "got his notice to quit" this world, and its pomps +and vanities. He felt "that he was dying," to use Haines Bayley's +beautiful and apposite words, and meditated an exchange, but that, from +circumstances, was out of the question. At last, subdued by grief, and +probably his spirit having chafed itself smooth by such constant +attrition, he became, to all seeming, calmer; but it was only the calm of +a broken and weary heart. Such was Major Jones at the time, when, +"suadente diabolo," it seemed meet to Fathers Mooney and D'Array to make +him the butt of their raillery. At first, he could not believe it; the +thing was incredible—impossible; but when he looked around the table, +when he heard the roars of laughter, long, loud, and vociferous; when he +heard his name bandied from one to the other across the table, with some +vile jest tacked to it "like a tin kettle to a dog's tail," he awoke to +the full measure of his misery—the cup was full. Fate had done her +worst, and he might have exclaimed with Lear, "spit, fire-spout, rain," +there was nothing in store for him of further misfortune. + +<p>A drum-head court-martial—a hint "to sell out"—ay, a sentence of +"dismissed the service," had been mortal calamities, and, like a man, he +would have borne them; but that he, Major John Jones, D.G.S. C.P.B., etc. +who had drank the "pious, glorious, and immortal," sitting astride of +"the great gun of Athlone," should come to this! Alas, and alas! He +retired that night to his chamber a "sadder if not a wiser man;" he +dreamed that the "statue" had given place to the unshapely figure of Leo +X., and that "Lundy now stood where Walker stood before." He humped from +his bed in a moment of enthusiasm, he vowed his revenge, and he kept his +vow. + +<p>That day the major was "acting field officer." The various patroles, +sentries, picquets, and out-posts, were all under his especial control; +and it was remarked that he took peculiar pains in selecting the men for +night duty, which, in the prevailing quietness and peace of that time, +seemed scarcely warrantable. + +<p>Evening drew near, and Major Jones, summoned by the "oft-heard beat," +wended his way to the mess. The officers were dropping in, and true as +"the needle to the pole," came Father Mooney and the Abbe. They were +welcomed with the usual warmth, and strange to say, by none more than the +major himself, whose hilarity knew no bounds. + +<p>How the evening passed, I shall not stop to relate: suffice it to say, +that a more brilliant feast of wit and jollification, not even the North +Cork ever enjoyed. Father Luke's drollest stories, his very quaintest +humour shone forth, and the Abbe sang a new "Chanson a Boire," that +Beranger might hav envied. + +<p>"What are you about, my dear Father D'Array?" said the Colonel; "you are +surely not rising yet; here's a fresh cooper of port just come in; sit +down, I entreat." + +<p>"I say it with grief, my dear colonel, we must away; the half-hour has +just chimed, and we must be within 'the gates' before twelve. The truth +is, the superior has been making himself very troublesome about our +'carnal amusements' as he calls our innocent mirth, and we must therefore +be upon our guard." + +<p>"Well, if it must be so, we shall not risk losing your society +altogether, for an hour or so now; so, one bumper to our next +meeting—to-morrow, mind, and now, M. D'Abbe, au revoir." + +<p>The worthy fathers finished their glasses, and taking a most affectionate +leave of their kind entertainers, sallied forth under the guidance of +Major Jones, who insisted upon accompanying them part of the way, as, +"from information he had received, the sentries were doubled in some +places, and the usual precautions against surprise all taken." Much as +this polite attention surprised the objects of it, his brother officers +wondered still more, and no sooner did they perceive the major and his +companions issue forth, than they set out in a body to watch where this +most novel and unexpected complaisance would terminate. + +<p>When the priests reached the door of the barrack-yard, they again turned +to utter their thanks to the major, and entreat him once more, "not to +come a step farther. There now, major, we know the path well, so just +give us the pass, and don't stay out in the night air." + +<p>"Ah oui, Monsieur Jones," said the Abbe, "retournez, je vous prie. We +are, I must say, chez nous. Ces braves gens, les North Cork know us by +this time." + +<p>The major smiled, while he still pressed his services to see them past +the picquets, but they were resolved and would not be denied. + +<p>"With the word for the night, we want nothing more," said Father Luke. + +<p>"Well, then," said the major, in the gravest tone, and he was naturally +grave, "you shall have your way, but remember to call out loud, for the +first sentry is a little deaf, and a very passionate, ill—tempered +fellow to boot." + +<p>"Never fear," said Father Mooney, laughing; "I'll go bail he'll hear me." + +<p>"Well—the word for the night is—'Bloody end to the Pope,'—don't +forget, now, 'Bloody end to the Pope,'" and with these words he banged +the door between him and the unfortunate priests; and, as bolt was +fastened after bolt, they heard him laughing to himself like a fiend over +his vengeance. + +<p>"And big bad luck to ye, Major Jones, for the same, every day ye see a +paving stone," was the faint sub-audible ejaculation of Father Luke, when +he was recovered enough to speak. + +<p>"Sacristi! Que nous sommes attrappes," said the Abbe, scarcely able to +avoid laughing at the situation in which they were placed. + +<p>"Well, there's the quarter chiming now; we've no time to lose—Major +Jones! Major, darling! Don't now, ah, don't! sure ye know we'll be +ruined entirely—there now, just change it, like a dacent fellow—the +devil's luck to him, he's gone. Well, we can't stay here in the rain all +night, and be expelled in the morning afterwards—so come along." + +<p>They jogged on for a few minutes in silence, till they came to that part +of the "Duke's" demesne wall, where the first sentry was stationed. By +this time the officers, headed by the major, had quietly slipped out of +the gate, and were following their steps at a convenient distance. + +<p>The fathers had stopped to consult together, what they should do in this +trying emergency—when their whisper being overheard, the sentinel called +out gruffly, in the genuine dialect of his country, "who goes that?" + +<p>"Father Luke Mooney, and the Abbe D'Array," said the former, in his most +bland and insinuating tone of voice, a quality he most eminently +possessed. + +<p>"Stand and give the countersign." + +<p>"We are coming from the mess, and going home to the college," said Father +Mooney, evading the question, and gradually advancing as he spoke. + +<p>"Stand, or I'll shot ye," said the North Corkian. + +<p>Father Luke halted, while a muttered "Blessed Virgin" announced his state +of fear and trepidation. + +<p>"D'Array, I say, what are we to do." + +<p>"The countersign," said the sentry, whose figure they could perceive in +the dim distance of about thirty yards. + +<p>"Sure ye'll let us pass, my good lad, and ye'll have a friend in Father +Luke the longest day ye live, and ye might have a worse in time of need; +ye understand." + +<p>Whether he did understand or not, he certainly did not heed, for his only +reply was the short click of his gun-lock, that bespeaks a preparation to +fire. + +<p>"There's no help now," said Father Luke; "I see he's a haythen; and bad +luck to the major, I say again;" and this in the fulness of his heart he +uttered aloud. + +<p>"That's not the countersign," said the inexorable sentry, striking the +butt end of the musket on the ground with a crash that smote terror into +the hearts of the priests. + +<p>Mumble—mumble—"to the Pope," said Father Luke, pronouncing the last +words distinctly, after the approved practice of a Dublin watchman, on +being awoke from his dreams of row and riot by the last toll of the +Post-office, and not knowing whether it has struck "twelve" or "three," sings +out the word "o'clock," in a long sonorous drawl, that wakes every +sleeping citizen, and yet tells nothing how "time speeds on his flight." + +<p>"Louder," said the sentry, in a voice of impatience. + +<p>_____ "to the Pope." + +<p>"I don't hear the first part." + +<p>"Oh then," said the priest, with a sigh that might have melted the heart +of anything but a sentry, "Bloody end to the Pope; and may the saints in +heaven forgive me for saying it." + +<p>"Again," called out the soldier; "and no muttering." + +<p>"Bloody end to the Pope," cried Father Luke in bitter desperation. + +<p>"Bloody end to the Pope," echoed the Abbe. + +<p>"Pass bloody end to the Pope, and good night," said the sentry, resuming +his rounds, while a loud and uproarious peal of laughter behind, told the +unlucky priests they were overheard by others, and that the story would +be over the whole town in the morning. + +<p>Whether it was that the penance for their heresy took long in +accomplishing, or that they never could summon courage sufficient to face +their persecutor, certain it is, the North Cork saw them no more, nor +were they ever observed to pass the precincts of the college, while that +regiment occupied Maynooth. + +<p>Major Jones himself, and his confederates, could not have more heartily +relished this story, than did the party to whom the doctor heartily +related it. Much, if not all the amusement it afforded, however, +resulted from his inimitable mode of telling, and the power of mimicry, +with which he conveyed the dialogue with the sentry: and this, alas, must +be lost to my readers, at least to that portion of them not fortunate +enough to possess Doctor Finucane's acquaintance. + +<p>"Fin! Fin! your long story has nearly famished me," said the padre, as +the laugh subsided; "and there you sit now with the jug at your elbow +this half-hour; I never thought you would forget our old friend Martin +Hanegan's aunt." + +<p>"Here's to her health," said Fin; "and your reverence will get us the +chant." + +<p>"Agreed," said Father Malachi, finishing a bumper, and after giving a few +preparatory hems, he sang the following "singularly wild and beautiful +poem," as some one calls Christabel:— +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + +"Here's a health to Martin Hanegan's aunt,<br /> +And I'll tell ye the reason why!<br /> +She eats bekase she is hungry,<br /> +And drinks bekase she is dry.<br /> +<br /> +"And if ever a man,<br /> +Stopped the course of a can,<br /> +Martin Hanegan's aunt would cry—<br /> +'Arrah, fill up your glass,<br /> +And let the jug pass;<br /> +How d'ye know but what your neighbour's dhry?"<br /> + + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + +<p>"Come, my lord and gentlemen, da capo, if ye please—Fill up your glass," +and the chanson was chorussed with a strength and vigour that would +have astonished the Philharmonic. + +<p>The mirth and fun now grew "fast and furious;" and Father Malachi, rising +with the occasion, flung his reckless drollery and fun on every side, +sparing none, from his cousin to the coadjutor. It was not that peculiar +period in the evening's enjoyment, when an expert and practical chairman +gives up all interference or management, and leaves every thing to take +its course; this then was the happy moment selected by Father Malachi to +propose the little "contrhibution." He brought a plate from a side +table, and placing it before him, addressed the company in a very brief +but sensible speech, detailing the object of the institution he was +advocating, and concluding with the following words:—"and now ye'll just +give whatever ye like, according to your means in life, and what ye can +spare." + +<p>The admonition, like the "morale" of an income tax, having the immediate +effect of pitting each man against his neighbour, and suggesting to their +already excited spirits all the ardour of gambling, without, however, +a prospect of gain. The plate was first handed to me in honour of my +"rank," and having deposited upon it a handful of small silver, the +priest ran his finger through the coin, and called out:— + +<p>"Five pounds! at least; not a farthing less, as I am a sinner. Look, +then,—see now; they tell ye, the gentlemen don't care for the like of +ye! but see for yourselves. May I trouble y'r lordship to pass the plate +to Mr. Mahony—he's impatient, I see." + +<p>Mr. Mahony, about whom I perceived very little of the impatience alluded +to, was a grim-looking old Christian, in a rabbit-skin waistcoat, with +long flaps, who fumbled in the recesses of his breeches pocket for five +minutes, and then drew forth three shillings, which he laid upon the +plate, with what I fancied very much resembled a sigh. + +<p>"Six and sixpence, is it? or five shillings?—all the same, Mr. Mahony, +and I'll not forget the thrifle you were speaking about this morning any +way;" and here he leaned over as interceding with me for him, but in +reality to whisper into my ear, "the greatest miser from this to +Castlebar." + +<p>"Who's that put down the half guinea in goold?" (And this time he spoke +truth.) "Who's that, I say?" + +<p>"Tim Kennedy, your reverence," said Tim, stroking his hair down with one +hand, and looking proud and modest at the same moment. + +<p>"Tim, ye're a credit to us any day, and I always said so. It's a gauger +he'd like to be, my lord," said he, turning to me, in a kind of stage +whisper. I nodded and muttered something, when he thanked me most +profoundly as if his suit had prospered. + +<p>"Mickey Oulahan—the lord's looking at ye, Mickey." This was said +piannisime across the table, and had the effect of increasing Mr. +Oulahan's donation from five shillings to seven—the last two being +pitched in very much in the style o a gambler making his final coup, and +crying "va banque." "The Oulahans were always dacent people—dacent +people, my lord." + +<p>"Be gorra, the Oulahans was niver dacenter nor the Molowneys, any how," +said a tall athletic young fellow, as he threw down three crown pieces, +with an energy that made every coin leap from the plate. + +<p>"They'll do now," said Father Brennan; "I'll leave them to themselves;" +and truly the eagerness to get the plate and put down the subscription, +fully equalled the rapacious anxiety I have witnessed in an old maid at +loo, to get possession of a thirty-shilling pool, be the same more or +less, which lingered on its way to her, in the hands of many a fair +competitor. + +<p>"Mr. M'Neesh"—Curzon had hitherto escaped all notice—"Mr. M'Neesh, to +your good health," cried Father Brennan. "It's many a secret they'll be +getting out o'ye down there about the Scotch husbandry." + +<p>Whatever poor Curzon knew of "drills," certainly did not extend to them +when occupied by turnips. This allusion of the priest's being caught up +by the party at the foot of the table, they commenced a series of +inquiries into different Scotch plans of tillage—his brief and +unsatisfactory answers to which, they felt sure, were given in order to +evade imparting information. By degrees, as they continued to press him +with questions, his replies grew more short, and a general feeling of +dislike on both sides was not very long in following. + +<p>The father saw this, and determining with his usual tact to repress it, +called on the adjutant for a song. Now, whether he had but one in the +world, or whether he took this mode of retaliating for the annoyances he +had suffered, I know not; but true it is, he finished his tumbler at a +draught, and with a voice of no very peculiar sweetness, though +abundantly loud, began "The Boyne Water." + +<p>He had just reached the word "battle," in the second line upon which he +was bestowing what he meant to be a shake, when, as if the word suggested +it, it seemed the signal for a general engagement. Decanters, glasses, +jugs, candlesticks,—aye, and the money-dish, flew right and left—all +originally intended, it is ture, for the head of the luckless adjutant, +but as they now and then missed their aim, and came in contact with the +"wrong man," invariably provoked retaliation, and in a very few minutes +the battle became general. + +<p>What may have been the doctor's political sentiments on this occasion, I +cannot even guess; but he seemed bent upon performing the part of a +"convivial Lord Stanley," and maintaining a dignified neutrality. With +this apparent object, he mounted upon the table, to raise himself, I +suppose, above the din and commotion of party clamour, and brandishing a +jug of scalding water, bestowed it with perfect impartiality on the +combatants on either side. This Whig plan of conciliation, however well +intended, seemed not to prosper with either party; and many were the +missiles directed at the ill-starred doctor. Meanwhile Father Malachi, +whether following the pacific instinct of his order, in seeking an asylum +in troublesome times, or equally moved by old habit to gather coin in low +places, (much of the money having fallen,) was industriously endeavouring +to insert himself beneath the table; in this, with one vigorous push, he +at last succeeded, but in so doing lifted it from its legs, and thus +destroying poor "Fin's" gravity, precipitated him, jug and all, into the +thickest part of the fray, where he met with that kind reception such a +benefactor ever receives at the hands of a grateful public. I meanwhile +hurried to rescue poor Curzon, who, having fallen to the ground, was +getting a cast of his features taken in pewter, for such seemed the +operation a stout farmer was performing on the adjutant's face with a +quart. With considerable difficulty, notwithstanding my supposed +"lordship," I succeeded in freeing him from his present position; and he +concluding, probably, that enough had been done for one "sitting," most +willingly permitted me to lead him from the room. I was soon joined by +the doctor, who assisted me in getting my poor friend to bed; which being +done, he most eagerly entreated me to join the company. This, however, +I firmly but mildly declined, very much to his surprise; for as he +remarked—"They'll all be like lambs now, for they don't believe there's +a whole bone in his body." + +<p>Expressing my deep sense of the Christian-like forbearance of the party, +I pleaded fatigue, and bidding him good night, adjourned to my bed-room; +and here, although the arrangements fell somewhat short of the luxurious +ones appertaining to my late apartment at Callonby, they were most +grateful at the moment; and having "addressed myself to slumber," fell +fast asleep, and only awoke late on the following morning to wonder where +I was: from any doubts as to which I was speedily relieved by the +entrance of the priest's bare-footed "colleen," to deposit on my table a +bottle of soda water, and announce breakfast, with his reverence's +compliments. + +<p>Having made a hasty toilet, I proceeded to the parlour, which, however +late events might have impressed upon my memory, I could scarcely +recognise. Instead of the long oak table and the wassail bowl, there +stood near the fire a small round table, covered with a snow—white +cloth, upon which shone in unrivalled brightness a very handsome tea +equipage—the hissing kettle on one hob was vis a vis'd by a gridiron +with three newly taken trout, frying under the reverential care of Father +Malachi himself—a heap of eggs ranged like shot in an ordnance yard, +stood in the middled of the table, while a formidable pile of buttered +toast browned before the grate—the morning papers were airing upon the +hearth—every thing bespoke that attention to comfort and enjoyment one +likes to discover in the house where chance may have domesticated him for +a day or two. + +<p>"Good morning, Mr. Lorrequer. I trust you have rested well," said Father +Malachi as I entered. + +<p>"Never better; but where are our friends?" + +<p>"I have been visiting and comforting them in their affliction, and I may +with truth assert it is not often my fortune to have three as sickly +looking guests. That was a most unlucky affair last night, and I must +apologise." + +<p>"Don't say a word, I entreat; I saw how it all occurred, and am quite +sure if it had not been for poor Curzon's ill-timed melody—" + +<p>"You are quite right," said the father interrupting me. "Your friend's +taste for music—bad luck to it—was the 'teterrima causa belli.'" + +<p>"And the subscription," said I; "how did it succeed?" + +<p>"Oh, the money went in the commotion; and although I have got some seven +pounds odd shillings of it, the war was a most expensive one to me. I +caught old Mahony very busy under the table during the fray; but let us +say no more about it now—draw over your chair. Tea or coffee? there's +the rum if you like it 'chasse.'" + +<p>I immediately obeyed the injunction, and commenced a vigorous assault +upon the trout, caught, as he informed me, "within twenty perches of the +house." + +<p>"Your poor friend's nose is scarcely regimental," said he, "this morning; +and as for Fin, he was never remarkable for beauty, so, though they might +cut and hack, they could scarcely disfigure him, as Juvenal says—isn't +it Juvenal? + +<p>"'Vacuus viator cantabit ante Latronem;' + +<p>"or in the vernacular: + +<p>"'The empty traveller may whistle +Before the robber and his pistil' (pistol)." + +<p>"There's the Chili vinegar—another morsel of the trout?" + +<p>"I thank you; what excellent coffee, Father Malachi!" + +<p>"A secret I learned at St. Omer's some thirty years since. Any letters, +Bridget?"—to a damsel that entered with a pacquet in her hand. + +<p>"A gossoon from Kilrush, y'r reverence, with a bit of a note for the +gentleman there." + +<p>"For me!—ah, true enough. Harry Lorrequer, Esq. Kilrush—try +Carrigaholt." So ran the superscription—the first part being in a +lady's handwriting; the latter very like the "rustic paling" of the +worthy Mrs. Healy's style. The seal was a large one, bearing a coronet +at top, and the motto in old Norman—French, told me it came from +Callonby. + +<p>With what a trembling hand and beating heart I broke it open, and yet +feared to read it—so much of my destiny might be in that simple page. +For once in my life my sanguine spirit failed me; my mind could take in +but one casualty, that Lady Jane had divulged to her family the nature of +my attentions, and that in the letter before me lay a cold mandate of +dismissal from her presence for ever. + +<p>At last I summoned courage to read it; but having scrupled to present to +my readers the Reverend Father Brennan at the tail of a chapter, let me +not be less punctilious in the introduction of her ladyship's billet. + +<hr> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> + +<h2><a name="ch7"></a>CHAPTER VII.</h2> + +<br> +<br> + +<h3>THE LADY'S +LETTER—PETER AND HIS ACQUAINTANCES—TOO +LATE.</h3> + +<br> +<br> + +<p>Her ladyship's letter ran thus— +<blockquote><blockquote> +<p>"Callonby, Tuesday morning. + +<p>"My dear Mr. Lorrequer,—My lord has deputed me to convey to you our +adieus, and at the same time to express our very great regret that we +should not have seen you before out departure from Ireland. A sudden +call of the House, and some unexpected ministerial changes, require Lord +Callonby's immediate presence in town; and probably before this reaches +you we shall be on the road. Lord Kilkee, who left us yesterday, was +much distressed at not having seen you—he desired me to say you shall +hear from him from Leamington. Although writing amid all the haste +and bustle of departure, I must not forget the principal part of my +commission, nor lady-like defer it to a postscript: my lord entreats that +you will, if possible, pass a month or two with us in London this season; +make any use of his name you think fit at the Horse-Guards, where he has +some influence. Knowing as I do, with what kindness you ever accede to +the wishes of your friends, I need not say how much gratification this +will afford us all; but, sans response, we expect you. Believe me to +remain, yours very sincerely, + +<p>"Charlotte Callonby." + +<p>"P.S.—We are all quite well, except Lady Jane, who has a slight cold, +and has been feverish for the last day or two." +</blockquote></blockquote> +<p> +Words cannot convey any idea of the torrent of contending emotions under +which I perused this letter. The suddenness of the departure, without an +opportunity of even a moment's leave-taking, completely unmanned me. +What would I not have given to be able to see her once more, even for an +instant—to say "a good bye"—to watch the feeling with which she parted +from me, and augur from it either favourably to my heart's dearest hope, +or darkest despair. As I continued to read on, the kindly tone of the +remainder reassured me, and when I came to the invitation to London, +which plainly argued a wish on their part to perpetuate the intimacy, +I was obliged to read it again and again, before I could convince myself +of its reality. There it was, however, most distinctly and legibly +impressed in her ladyship's fairest calligraphy; and certainly great as +was its consequence to me at the time, it by no means formed the +principal part of the communication. The two lines of postscript +contained more, far more food for hopes and fears than did all the +rest of the epistle. + +<p>Lady Jane was ill then, slightly however—a mere cold; true, but she was +feverish. I could not help asking myself what share had I causing that +flushed cheek and anxious eye, and pictured to myself, perhaps with more +vividness than reality, a thousand little traits of manner, all proofs +strong as holy writ to my sanguine mind, that my affection was returned, +and that I loved not in vain. Again and again I read over the entire +letter; never truly did a nisi prius lawyer con over a new act of +parliament with more searching ingenuity, to detect its hidden meaning, +than did I to unravel through its plain phraseology the secret intention +of the writer towards me. + +<p>There is an old and not less true adage, that what we wish we readily +believe; and so with me—I found myself an easy convert to my own hopes +and desires, and actually ended by persuading myself—no very hard task +—that my Lord Callonby had not only witnessed but approved of my +attachment to his beautiful daughter, and for reasons probably known to +him, but concealed from me, opined that I was a suitable "parti," and +gave all due encouragement to my suit. The hint about using his +lordship's influence at the Horse guards I resolved to benefit by; not, +however, in obtaining leave of absence, which I hoped to accomplish more +easily, but with his good sanction in pushing my promotion, when I +claimed him as my right honorable father-in-law—a point, on the +propriety of which, I had now fully satisfied myself. What visions of +rising greatness burst upon my mind, as I thought on the prospect that +opened before me; but here let me do myself the justice to record, that +amid all my pleasure and exultation, my proudest thought, was in the +anticipation of possessing one in every way so much my superior—the very +consciousness of which imparted a thrill of fear to my heart, that such +good fortune was too much even to hope for. + +<p>How long I might have luxuriated in such Chateaux en Espagne, heaven +knows; thick and thronging fancies came abundantly to my mind, and it +was with something of the feeling of the porter in the Arabian Nights, +as he surveyed the fragments of his broken ware, hurled down in a moment +of glorious dreaminess, that I turned to look at the squat and +unaristocratic figure of Father Malachi, as he sat reading his newspaper +before the fire. How came I in such company; methinks the Dean of +Windsor, or the Bishop of Durham had been a much more seemly associate +for one destined as I was for the flood-tide of the world's favour. + +<p>My eye at this instant rested upon the date of the letter, which was that +of the preceding morning, and immediately a thought struck me that, as +the day was a louring and gloomy one, perhaps they might have deferred +their journey, and I at once determined to hasten to Callonby, and, if +possible, see them before their departure. + +<p>"Father Brennan," said I, at length, "I have just received a letter which +compels me to reach Kilrush as soon as possible. Is there any public +conveyance in the village?" + +<p>"You don't talk of leaving us, surely," said the priest, "and a haunch of +mutton for dinner, and Fin says he'll be down, and your friend, too, and +we'll have poor Beamish in on a sofa." + +<p>"I am sorry to say my business will not admit of delay, but, if possible, +I shall return to thank you for all you kindness, in a day or two— +perhaps tomorrow." + +<p>"Oh, then," said Father Brennan, "if it must be so, why you can have +'Pether,' my own pad, and a better you never laid leg over; only give him +his own time, and let him keep the 'canter,' and he'll never draw up from +morning till night; and now I'll just go and have him in readiness for +you." + +<p>After professing my warm acknowledgments to the good father for his +kindness, I hastened to take a hurried farewell of Curzon before going. +I found him sitting up in bed taking his breakfast; a large strip of +black plaster, extending from the corner of one eye across the nose, and +terminating near the mouth, denoted the locale of a goodly wound, while +the blue, purple and yellow patches into which his face was partitioned +out, left you in doubt whether he now resembled the knave of clubs or a +new map of the Ordnance survey; one hand was wrapped up in a bandage, and +altogether a more rueful and woe-begone looking figure I have rarely +looked upon; and most certainly I am of opinion that the "glorious, pious +and immortal memory" would have brought pleasanter recollections to +Daniel O'Connell himself, than it would on that morning to the adjutant +of his majesty's 4_th. + +<p>"Ah, Harry," said he, as I entered, "what Pandemonium is this we've got +into? did you ever witness such a business as last night's?" + +<p>"Why truly," said I, "I know of no one to blame but yourself; surely you +must have known what a fracas your infernal song would bring on." + +<p>"I don't know now whether I knew it or not; but certainly at the moment +I should have preferred anything to the confounded cross-examination I +was under, and was glad to end it by any coup d'etat. One wretch was +persecuting me about green crops, and another about the feeding of +bullocks; about either of which I knew as much as a bear does of a +ballet." + +<p>"Well, truly, you caused a diversion at some expense to your countenance, +for I never beheld anything—" + +<p>"Stop there," said he, "you surely have not seen the doctor—he beats me +hollow—they have scarcely left so much hair on his head as would do for +an Indian's scalp lock; and, of a verity, his aspect is awful this +morning; he has just been here, and by-the-bye has told me all about your +affair with Beamish. It appears that somewhere you met him at dinner, +and gave a very flourishing account of a relative of his who you informed +him was not only selected for some very dashing service, but actually the +personal friend of Picton; and, after the family having blazed the matter +all over Cork, and given a great entertainment in honor of their kinsman, +it turns out that, on the glorious 19th, he ran away to Brussels faster +than even the French to Charleroi; for which act, however, there was no +aspersion ever cast upon his courage, that quality being defended at the +expense of his honesty; in a word, he was the paymaster of the company, +and had what Theodore Hook calls an 'affection of his chest,' that +required change of air. Looking only to the running away part of the +matter, I unluckily expressed some regret that he did not belong to the +North Cork, and I remarked the doctor did not seem to relish the +allusion, and as I only now remember, it was his regiment, I suppose +I'm in for more mischief." + +<p>I had no time to enjoy Curzon's dilemma, and had barely informed him of +my intended departure, when a voice from without the room proclaimed that +"Pether" was ready, and having commissioned the adjutant to say the +"proper" to Mr. Beamish and the doctor, hurried away, and after a hearty +shake of the hand from Father Brennan, and a faithful promise to return +soon, I mounted and set off. + +<p>Peter's pace was of all others the one least likely to disturb the +lucubrations of a castle-builder like myself; without any admonition from +whip or spur he maintained a steady and constant canter, which, I am free +to confess, was more agreeable to sit, than it was graceful to behold; +for his head being much lower than his tail, he every moment appeared in +the attitude of a diver about to plunge into the water, and more than +once I had misgivings that I would consult my safety better if I sat with +my face to the tail; however, what will not habit accomplish? before I +had gone a mile or two, I was so lost in my own reveries and reflections, +that I knew nothing of my mode of progression, and had only thoughts and +feelings for the destiny that awaited me; sometimes I would fancy myself +seated in the House of Commons, (on the ministerial benches, of course,) +while some leading oppositionist was pronouncing a glowing panegyric upon +the eloquent and statesmanlike speech of the gallant colonel—myself; +then I thought I was making arrangements for setting out for my new +appointment, and Sancho Panza never coveted the government of an island +more than I did, though only a West Indian one; and, lastly, I saw myself +the chosen diplomate on a difficult mission, and was actually engaged in +the easy and agreeable occupation of outmaneuvering Talleyrand and Pozzo +di Borgo, when Peter suddenly drew up at the door of a small cabin, and +convinced me that I was still a mortal man, and a lieutenant in his +Majesty's 4_th. Before I had time afforded me even to guess at the +reason of this sudden halt, an old man emerged from the cabin, which I +saw now was a road-side ale-house, and presented Peter with a bucket of +meal and water, a species of "viaticum" that he evidently was accustomed +to, at this place, whether bestrode by a priest or an ambassador. Before +me lay a long straggling street of cabins, irregularly thrown, as if +riddled over the ground; this I was informed was Kilkee; while my good +steed, therefore, was enjoying his potation, I dismounted, to stretch my +legs and look about me, and scarcely had I done so when I found half the +population of the village assembled round Peter, whose claims to +notoriety, I now learned, depended neither upon his owner's fame, nor +even my temporary possession of him. Peter, in fact, had been a racer, +once—when, the wandering Jew might perhaps have told, had he ever +visited Clare—for not the oldest inhabitant knew the date of his +triumphs on the turf; though they were undisputed traditions, and never +did any man appear bold enough to call them in question: whether it was +from his patriarchal character, or that he was the only race-horse ever +known in his county I cannot say, but, of a truth, the Grand Lama could +scarcely be a greater object of reverence in Thibet, than was Peter in +Kilkee. + +<p>"Musha, Peter, but it's well y'r looking," cried one. + +<p>"Ah, thin, maybe ye an't fat on the ribs," cried another. + +<p>"An' cockin' his tail like a coult," said a third. + +<p>I am very certain, if I might venture to judge from the faces about, +that, had the favourite for the St. Leger, passed through Kilkee at that +moment, comparisons very little to his favor had been drawn from the +assemblage around me. With some difficulty I was permitted to reach my +much admired steed, and with a cheer, which was sustained and caught up +by every denizen of the village as I passed through, I rode on my way, +not a little amused at my equivocal popularity. + +<p>Being desirous to lose no time, I diverged from the straight road which +leads to Kilrush, and took a cross bridle-path to Callonby; this, I +afterwards discovered was a detour of a mile or two, and it was already +sun-set when I reached the entrance to the park. I entered the avenue, +and now my impatience became extreme, for although Peter continued to +move at the same uniform pace, I could not persuade myself that he was +not foundering at every step, and was quite sure we were scarcely +advancing; at last I reached the wooden bridge, and ascended the steep +slope, the spot where I had first met her, on whom my every thought now +rested. I turned the angle of the clump of beech trees from whence the +first view of the house is caught—I perceived to my inexpressible +delight that gleams of light shone from many of the windows, and could +trace their passing from one to the other. I now drew rein, and with a +heart relieved from a load of anxiety, pulled up my good steed, and began +to think of the position in which a few brief seconds would place me. +I reached the small flower-garden, sacred by a thousand endearing +recollections. Oh! of how very little account are the many words of +passing kindness, and moments of light-hearted pleasure, when spoken or +felt, compared to the memory of them when hallowed by time or distance. + +<p>"The place, the hour, the sunshine and the shade," all reminded me of the +happy past, and all brought vividly before me every portion of that dream +of happiness in which I was so utterly—so completely steeped—every +thought of the hopelessness of my passion was lost in the intensity of +it, and I did not, in the ardour of my loving, stop to think of its +possible success. + +<p>It was strange enough that the extreme impatience, the hurried anxiety, I +had felt and suffered from, while riding up the avenue, had now fled +entirely, and in its place I felt nothing but a diffident distrust of +myself, and a vague sense of awkwardness about intruding thus +unexpectedly upon the family, while engaged in all the cares and +preparations for a speedy departure. The hall-door lay as usual wide +open, the hall itself was strewn and littered with trunks, imperials, +and packing-cases, and the hundred et ceteras of travelling baggage. +I hesitated a moment whether I should not ring, but at last resolved to +enter unannounced, and, presuming upon my intimacy, see what effect my +sudden appearance would have on Lady Jane, whose feelings towards me +would be thus most unequivocally tested. I passed along the wide +corridor, entered the music-room—it was still—I walked then to the door +of the drawing-room—I paused—I drew a full breath—my hand trembled +slightly as I turned the lock—I entered—the room was empty, but the +blazing fire upon the hearth, the large arm-chairs drawn around, the +scattered books upon the small tables, all told that it had been +inhabited a very short time before. Ah! thought I, looking at my watch, +they are at dinner, and I began at once to devise a hundred different +plans to account for my late absence and present visit. I knew that a +few minutes would probably bring them into the drawing-room, and I felt +flurried and heated as the time drew near. At last I heard voices +without—I started from the examination of a pencil drawing but partly +finished, but the artist of which I could not be deceived in—I listened +—the sounds drew near—I could not distinguish who were the +speakers—the door-lock turned, and I rose to make my well-conned, but +half-forgotten speech; and oh, confounded disappointment, Mrs. Herbert, the +house-keeper, entered. She started, not expecting to see me, and +immediately said, + +<p>"Oh! Mr. Lorrequer! then you've missed them." + +<p>"Missed them!" said I; "how—when—where?" + +<p>"Did you not get a note from my lord?" + +<p>"No; when was it written?" + +<p>"Oh, dear me, that is so very unfortunate. Why, sir, my lord sent off a +servant this morning to Kilrush, in Lord Kilkee's tilbury, to request you +would meet them all in Ennis this evening, where they had intended to +stop for to-night; and they waited here till near four o'clock to-day, +but when the servant came back with the intelligence that you were from +home, and not expected to return soon, they were obliged to set out, and +are not going to make any delay now, till they reach London. The last +direction, however, my lord gave, was to forward her ladyship's letter to +you as soon as possible." + +<p>What I thought, said, or felt, might be a good subject of confession to +Father Malachi, for I fear it may be recorded among my sins, as I doubt +not that the agony I suffered vented itself in no measured form of speech +or conduct; but I have nothing to confess here on the subject, being so +totally overwhelmed as not to know what I did or said. My first gleam of +reason elicited itself by asking, + +<p>"Is there, then, no chance of their stopping in Ennis to-night?" As I +put the question my mind reverted to Peter and his eternal canter. + +<p>"Oh, dear, no, sir; the horses are ordered to take them, since Tuesday; +and they only thought of staying in Ennis, if you came time enough to +meet them—and they will be so sorry." + +<p>"Do you think so, Mrs. Herbert? do you, indeed, think so?" said I, in a +most insinuating tone. + +<p>"I am perfectly sure of it, sir." + +<p>"Oh, Mrs. Herbert, you are too kind to think so; but +perhaps—that is—may be, Mrs. Herbert, she said something—" + +<p>"Who, sir?" + +<p>"Lady Callonby, I mean; did her ladyship leave any message for me about +her plants? or did she remember—" + +<p>Mrs. Herbert kept looking at me all the time, with her great wide grey +eyes, while I kept stammering and blushing like a school-boy. + +<p>"No, sir; her ladyship said nothing, sir; but Lady Jane—" + +<p>"Yes; well, what of Lady Jane, my dear Mrs. Herbert?" + +<p>"Oh, sir! but you look pale; would not you like to have a little wine and +water—or perhaps—" + +<p>"No, thank you, nothing whatever; I am just a little fatigued—but you +were mentioning—" + +<p>"Yes, sir; I was saying that Lady Jane was mighty particular about a +small plant; she ordered it to be left in her dressing-room, though +Collins told her to have some of the handsome ones of the green-house, +she would have nothing but this; and if you were only to hear half the +directions she gave about keeping it watered, and taking off dead leaves, +you'd think her heart was set on it." + +<p>Mrs. Herbert would have had no cause to prescribe for my paleness had she +only looked at me this time; fortunately, however, she was engaged, +housekeeper-like, in bustling among books, papers, which she had come +in for the purpose of arranging and packing up. She being left behind to +bring up the rear, and the heavy baggage. + +<p>Very few moments' consideration were sufficient to show me that pursuit +was hopeless; whatever might have been Peter's performance in the reign +of "Queen Anne," he had now become like the goose so pathetically +described by my friend Lover, rather "stiff in his limbs," and the odds +were fearfully against his overtaking four horses, starting fresh every +ten miles, not to mention their being some hours in advance already. +Having declined all Mrs. Herbert's many kind offers, anent food and rest, +I took a last lingering look at the beautiful pictures, which still held +its place in the room lately mine, and hurried from a place so full of +recollections; and, notwithstanding the many reasons I had for +self-gratulation, every object around and about, filled me with sorrow and +regret for hours that had passed—never, never to return. + +<p>It was very late when I reached my old quarters at Kilrush; Mrs. Healy +fortunately was in bed asleep—fortunately I say, for had she selected +that occasion to vent her indignation for my long absence, I greatly fear +that, in my then temper I should have exhibited but little of that +Job-like endurance for which I was once esteemed; I entered my little +mean-looking parlour, with its three chairs and lame table, and, as I flung +myself upon the wretched substitute for a sofa, and thought upon the +varied events which a few weeks had brought about; it required the aid of +her ladyship's letter, which I opened before me, to assure me I was not +dreaming. + +<p>The entire of that night I could not sleep; my destiny seemed upon its +balance; and, whether the scale inclined to this side or that, good or +evil fortune seemed to betide me. How many were my plans and +resolutions, and how often abandoned; again to be pondered over, and once +more given up. The grey dawn of the morning was already breaking, and +found me still doubting and uncertain. At last the die was thrown; I +determined at once to apply for leave to my commanding officer, (which he +could, if he pleased, give me, without any application to the Horse +Guards,) set out for Elton, tell Sir Guy my whole adventure, and +endeavour, by a more moving love story than ever graced even the Minerva +Press, to induce him to make some settlement on me, and use his influence +with Lord Callonby in my behalf; this done, set out for London, and then +—and then—what then?—then for the Morning Post—"Cadeau de +noces"—"happy couple"—"Lord Callonby's seat in Hampshire," + +<p>"You wished to be called at five, sir," said Stubber. + +<p>"Yes; is it five o'clock?" + +<p>"No, sir; but I heard you call out something about 'four horses,' and I +thought you might be hurried, so I came a little earlier." + +<p>"Quite right, Stubber; let me have my breakfast as soon as possible, and +see that chestnut horse I brought here last night, fed." + +<p>"And now for it," said I, after writing a hurried note to Curzon, +requesting him to take command of my party at Kilrush, till he heard from +me, and sending my kindest remembrance to my three friends; I despatched +the epistle by my servant on Peter, while I hastened to acquire a place in +the mail for Ennis, on the box seat of which let my kind reader suppose +me seated, as wrapping my box-coat around me, I lit my cigar and turned +my eyes towards Limerick. + +<hr> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> + +<h2><a name="ch8"></a>CHAPTER +VIII.</h2> + +<br> +<br> + +<h3>CONGRATULATIONS—SICK +LEAVE—HOW TO PASS THE BOARD.</h3> + +<br> +<br> + +<p>I had scarcely seated myself to breakfast at Swinburn's hotel in +Limerick, when the waiter presented me with a letter. As my first glance +at the address showed it to be in Colonel Carden's handwriting, I felt +not a little alarmed for the consequences of the rash step I had taken in +leaving my detachment; and, while quickly thronging fancies of arrest and +courtmartial flitted before me, I summoned resolution at last to break +the seal, and read as follows:— +<blockquote><blockquote> +<p> "My dear Lorrequer," ("dear Lorrequer!" dear me, thought I; cool + certainly, from one I have ever regarded as an open enemy)—"My dear + Lorrequer, I have just accidentally heard of your arrival here, and + hasten to inform you, that, as it may not be impossible your reasons + for so abruptly leaving your detachment are known to me, I shall not + visit your breach of discipline very heavily. My old and worthy + friend, Lord Callonby, who passed through here yesterday, has so + warmly interested himself in your behalf, that I feel disposed to do + all in my power to serve you; independently of my desire to do so on + your own account. Come over here, then, as soon as possible, and + let us talk over your plans together. + +<p> "Believe me, most truly yours,<br> + "Henry Carden.<br> + "Barracks, 10 o'clock." +</blockquote></blockquote> +<p>However mysterious and difficult to unravel, have been some of the +circumstances narrated in these "Confessions," I do not scruple to avow +that the preceding letter was to me by far the most inexplicable piece of +fortune I had hitherto met with. That Lord Callonby should have +converted one whom I believed an implacable foe, into a most obliging +friend, was intelligible enough, seeing that his lordship had through +life been the patron of the colonel; but why he had so done, and what +communications he could possibly have made with regard to me, that +Colonel Carden should speak of "my plans" and proffer assistance in them +was a perfect riddle; and the only solution, one so ridiculously +flattering that I dared not think of it. I read and re-read the note; +misplaced the stops; canvassed every expression; did all to detect a +meaning different from the obvious one, fearful of a self-deception where +so much was at stake. Yet there it stood forth, a plain straightforward +proffer of services, for some object evidently known to the writer; and +my only conclusion, from all, was this, that "my Lord Callonby was the +gem of his order, and had a most remarkable talent for selecting a +son-in-law." + +<p>I fell into a deep reverie upon my past life, and the prospects which I +now felt were opening before me. Nothing seemed extravagant to hopes so +well founded—to expectations so brilliant—and, in my mind's eye, I +beheld myself at one moment leading my young and beautiful bride through +the crowded salons of Devonshire House; and, at the next, I was +contemplating the excellence and perfection of my stud arrangements at +Melton, for I resolved not to give up hunting. While in this pleasurable +exercise of my fancy, I was removing from before me some of the breakfast +equipage, or, as I then believed it, breaking the trees into better +groups upon my lawn, I was once more brought to the world and its dull +reality, by the following passage which my eye fell upon in the newspaper +before me—"We understand that the 4_th are daily expecting the route for +Cork, from whence they are to sail, early in the ensuing month for +Halifax, to relieve the 99th." While it did not take a moment's +consideration to show me that though the regiment there mentioned was the +one I belonged to, I could have no possible interest in the announcement; +it never coming into my calculation that I should submit to such +expatriation; yet it gave me a salutary warning that there was no time +to be lost in making my application for leave, which, once obtained, +I should have ample time to manage an exchange into another corps. +The wonderful revolution a few days had effected in all my tastes and +desires, did not escape me at this moment. But a week or two before and +I should have regarded an order for foreign service as anything rather +than unpleasant—now the thought was insupportable. Then there would +have been some charm to me in the very novelty of the locale, and the +indulgence of that vagrant spirit I have ever possessed; for, like +Justice Woodcock, "I certainly should have been a vagabond if Providence +had not made me a justice of the peace"—now, I could not even +contemplate the thing as possible; and would have actually refused the +command of a regiment, if the condition of its acceptance were to sail +for the colonies. + +<p>Besides, I tried—and how ingenious is self-deception—I tried to find +arguments in support of my determination totally different from the +reasons which governed me. I affected to fear climate, and to dread the +effect of the tropics upon my health. It may do very well, thought I, +for men totally destitute of better prospects; with neither talent, +influence or powerful connexion, to roast their cheeks at Sierra Leone, +or suck a sugar-cane at St. Lucia. But that you, Harry Lorrequer, should +waste your sweetness upon planters' daughters—that have only to be +known, to have the world at your feet! The thing is absurd, and not to +be thought of! Yes, said I half aloud—we read in the army list, that +Major A. is appointed to the 50th, and Capt. B. to the 12th; but how much +more near the truth would it be, to say—"That His Majesty, in +consideration of the distinguished services of the one, has been +graciously pleased to appoint him to—a case of blue and collapsed +cholera, in India; and also, for the bravery and gallant conduct of the +other, in his late affair with the 'How-dow-dallah Indians,' has promoted +him to the—yellow fever now devastating and desolating Jamaica." How +far my zeal for the service might have carried me on this point, I know +not; for I was speedily aroused from my musings by the loud tramp of feet +upon the stairs, and the sound of many well-known voices of my brother +officers, who were coming to visit me. + +<p>"So, Harry, my boy," said the fat major as he entered; "is it true we are +not to have the pleasure of your company to Jamaica this time?" + +<p>"He prefers a pale face, it seems, to a black one; and certainly, with +thirty thousand in the same scale, the taste is excusable." + +<p>"But, Lorrequer," said a third, "we heard that you had canvassed the +county on the Callonby interest. Why, man, where do you mean to pull +up?" + +<p>"As for me," lisped a large-eyed, white-haired ensign of three months' +standing, "I think it devilish hard, old Carden didn't send ME down +there, too, for I hear there are two girls in the family. Eh, +Lorrequer?" + +<p>Having with all that peculiar bashfulness such occasions are sure to +elicit, disclaimed the happiness my friends so clearly ascribed to me, +I yet pretty plainly let it be understood that the more brilliant they +supposed my present prospects to be, the more near were they to estimate +them justly. One thing certainly gratified me throughout. All seemed +rejoiced at my good fortune, and even the old Scotch paymaster made no +more caustic remark than that he "wad na wonder if the chiel's black +whiskers wad get him made governor of Stirling Castle before he'd dee." + +<p>Should any of my most patient listeners to these my humble confessions, +wonder either here, or elsewhere, upon what very slight foundations I +built these my "Chateaux en Espagne," I have only one answer—"that from +my boyhood I have had a taste for florid architecture, and would rather +put up with any inconvenience of ground, than not build at all." + +<p>As it was growing late I hurriedly bade adieu to my friends, and hastened +to Colonel Carden's quarters, where I found him waiting for me, in +company with my old friend, Fitzgerald, our regimental surgeon. Our +first greetings over, the colonel drew me aside into a window, and said +that, from certain expressions Lord Callonby had made use of—certain +hints he had dropped—he was perfectly aware of the delicate position in +which I stood with respect to his lordship's family. "In fact, my dear +Lorrequer," he continued, "without wishing in the least to obtrude myself +upon your confidence, I must yet be permitted to say, you are the +luckiest fellow in Europe, and I most sincerely congratulate you on the +prospect before you." + +<p>"But, my dear Colonel, I assure you—" + +<p>"Well, well, there—not a word more; don't blush now. I know there is +always a kind of secrecy thought necessary on these occasions, for the +sake of other parties; so let us pass to your plans. From what I have +collected, you have not yet proposed formally. But, of course you desire +a leave. You'll not quit the army, I trust; no necessity for that; such +influence as yours can always appoint you to an unattached commission." + +<p>"Once more let me protest, sir, that though for certain reasons most +desirous to obtain a leave of absence, I have not the most remote—" + +<p>"That's right, quite right; I am sincerely gratified to hear you say so, +and so will be Lord Callonby; for he likes the service." + +<p>And thus was my last effort at a disclaimer cut short by the loquacious +little colonel, who regarded my unfinished sentence as a concurrence with +his own opinion. + +<p>"Allah il Allah," thought I, "it is my Lord Callonby's own plot; and his +friend Colonel Cardon aids and abets him." + +<p>"Now, Lorrequer," resumed the colonel, "let us proceed. You have, of +course, heard that we are ordered abroad; mere newspaper report for the +present; nevertheless, it is extremely difficult—almost impossible, +without a sick certificate, to obtain a leave sufficiently long for your +purpose." + +<p>And here he smirked, and I blushed, selon les regles.. + +<p>"A sick certificate," said I in some surprise. + +<p>"The only thing for you," said Fitzgerald, taking a long pinch of snuff; +"and I grieve to say you have a most villainous look of good health about +you." + +<p>"I must acknowledge I have seldom felt better." + +<p>"So much the worse—so much the worse," said Fitzgerald despondingly. +"Is there no family complaint; no respectable heir-loom of infirmity, you +can lay claim to from your kindred?" + +<p>"None, that I know of, unless a very active performance on the several +occasions of breakfast, dinner, and supper, with a tendency towards port, +and an inclination to sleep ten in every twenty-four hours, be a sign of +sickness; these symptoms I have known many of the family suffer for +years, without the slightest alleviation, though, strange as it may +appear, they occasionally had medical advice." + +<p>Fitz. took no notice of my sneer at the faculty, but proceeded to strike +my chest several times, with his finger tips. "Try a short cough now," +said he. "Ah, that will never do!" + +<p>"Do you ever flush. Before dinner I mean?" + +<p>"Occasionally, when I meet with a luncheon." + +<p>"I'm fairly puzzled," said poor Fitz. throwing himself into a chair; +"gout is a very good thing; but, then, you see you are only a sub., and +it is clearly against the articles of war, to have it before being a +field officer at least. Apoplexy is the best I can do for you; and, to +say the truth, any one who witnesses your performance at mess, may put +faith in the likelihood of it. + +<p>"Do you think you could get up a fit for the medical board," said Fitz., +gravely. + +<p>"Why, if absolutely indispensable," said I, "and with good +instruction—something this way. Eh, is it not?" + +<p>"Nothing of the kind: you are quite wrong." + +<p>"Is there not always a little laughing and crying," said I. + +<p>"Oh, no, no; take the cue from the paymaster any evening after mess, and +you'll make no mistake—very florid about the cheeks; rather a lazy look +in one eye, the other closed up entirely; snore a little from time to +time, and don't be too much disposed to talk." + +<p>"And you think I may pass muster in this way." + +<p>"Indeed you may, if old Camie, the inspector, happen to be (what he is +not often) in a good humour. But I confess I'd rather you were really +ill, for we've passed a great number of counterfeits latterly, and we may +be all pulled up ere long." + +<p>"Not the less grateful for your kindness," said I; "but still, I'd rather +matters stood as they do." + +<p>Having, at length, obtained a very formidable statement of my 'case' from +the Doctor, and a strong letter from the Colonel, deploring the temporary +loss of so promising a young officer, I committed myself and my +portmanteau to the inside of his Majesty's mail, and started for Dublin +with as light a heart and high spirits, as were consistent with so much +delicacy of health, and the directions of my Doctor. + +<hr> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> + +<h2><a name="ch9"></a>CHAPTER IX.</h2> + +<br> +<br> + +<h3>THE ROAD—TRAVELLING ACQUAINTANCES—A PACKET ADVENTURE.</h3> + +<br> +<br> +<h3><a name= +"Mrs. Mulrooney and Sir Stewart Moore">Mrs. Mulrooney and Sir +Stewart Moore</a></h3> + + +<center> +<a href="images2/Ch%2009%20%20Mrs%20Mulrooney.jpg"> +<img alt="Ch 09 Mrs. Mulrooney.jpg (86K)" src= +"images/Ch%2009%20%20Mrs%20Mulrooney.jpg" height="780" width="480"></a> +</center> + +<br> +<br> +<br> + +<p>I shall not stop now to narrate the particulars of my visit to the +worthies of the medical board; the rather, as some of my "confessions +to come" have reference to Dublin, and many of those that dwell therein. +I shall therefore content myself here with stating, that without any +difficulty I obtained a six months' leave, and having received much +advice and more sympathy from many members of that body, took a +respectful leave of them, and adjourned to Bilton's where I had ordered +dinner, and (as I was advised to live low) a bottle of Sneyd's claret. +My hours in Dublin were numbered; at eight o'clock on the evening of my +arrival I hastened to the Pidgeon House pier, to take my berth in the +packet for Liverpool; and here, gentle reader, let me implore you if you +have bowels of compassion, to commiserate the condition of a sorry mortal +like myself. In the days of which I now speak, steam packets were +not—men knew not then, of the pleasure of going to a comfortable bed in +Kingstown harbour, and waking on the morning after in the Clarence dock +at Liverpool, with only the addition of a little sharper appetite for +breakfast, before they set out on an excursion of forty miles per hour +through the air. + +<p>In the time I have now to commemorate, the intercourse between the two +countries was maintained by two sailing vessels of small tonnage, and +still scantier accommodation. Of the one now in question I well +recollect the name—she was called the "Alert," and certainly a more +unfortunate misnomer could scarcely be conceived. Well, there was no +choice; so I took my place upon the crowded deck of the little craft, and +in a drizzling shower of chilly rain, and amid more noise, confusion, and +bustle, than would prelude the launch of a line-of-battle ship, we +"sidled," goose-fashion, from the shore, and began our voyage towards +England. + +<p>It is not my intention, in the present stage of "my Confessions," to +delay on the road towards an event which influenced so powerfully, and so +permanently, my after life; yet I cannot refrain from chronicling a +slight incident which occurred on board the packet, and which, I have no +doubt, may be remembered by some of those who throw their eyes on these +pages. + +<p>One of my fellow-passengers was a gentleman holding a high official +appointment in the viceregal court, either comptroller of the household, +master of the horse, or something else equally magnificent; however, +whatever the nature of the situation, one thing is certain—one possessed +of more courtly manners, and more polished address, cannot be conceived, +to which he added all the attractions of a very handsome person and a +most prepossessing countenance. The only thing the most scrupulous +critic could possibly detect as faulty in his whole air and bearing, was +a certain ultra refinement and fastidiousness, which in a man of +acknowledged family and connections was somewhat unaccountable, and +certainly unnecessary. The fastidiousness I speak of, extended to +everything round and about him; he never eat of the wrong dish, nor spoke +to the wrong man in his life, and that very consciousness gave him a kind +of horror of chance acquaintances, which made him shrink within himself +from persons in every respect his equals. Those who knew Sir Stewart +Moore, will know I do not exaggerate in either my praise or censure, and +to those who have not had that pleasure, I have only to say, theirs was +the loss, and they must take my word for the facts. + +<p>The very antithesis to the person just mentioned, was another passenger +then on board. She, for even in sex they were different—she was a +short, squat, red-faced, vulgar-looking woman, of about fifty, possessed +of a most garrulous tendency, and talking indiscriminately with every one +about her, careless what reception her addresses met with, and quite +indifferent to the many rebuffs she momentarily encountered. To me by +what impulse driven Heaven knows this amorphous piece of womanhood seemed +determined to attach herself. Whether in the smoky and almost +impenetrable recesses of the cabin, or braving the cold and penetrating +rain upon deck, it mattered not, she was ever at my side, and not only +martyring me by the insufferable annoyance of her vulgar loquacity, but +actually, from the appearance of acquaintanceship such constant +association gave rise to, frightening any one else from conversing with +me, and rendering me, ere many hours, a perfect Paria among the +passengers. By not one were we—for, alas, we had become Siamese—so +thoroughly dreaded as by the refined baronet I have mentioned; he +appeared to shrink from our very approach, and avoided us as though we +had the plagues of Egypt about us. I saw this—I felt it deeply, and as +deeply and resolutely I vowed to be revenged, and the time was not long +distant in affording me the opportunity. + +<p>The interesting Mrs. Mulrooney, for such was my fair companion called, +was on the present occasion making her debut on what she was pleased to +call the "says;" she was proceeding to the Liverpool market as proprietor +and supercargo over some legion of swine that occupied the hold of the +vessel, and whose mellifluous tones were occasionally heard in all +parts of the ship. Having informed me on these, together with some +circumstances of her birth and parentage, she proceeded to narrate some +of the cautions given by her friends as to her safety when making such a +long voyage, and also to detail some of the antiseptics to that dread +scourge, sea-sickness, in the fear and terror of which she had come on +board, and seemed every hour to be increasing in alarm about. + +<p>"Do you think then sir, that pork is no good agin the sickness? Mickey, +that's my husband, sir, says it's the only thing in life for it, av it's +toasted." + +<p>"Not the least use, I assure you." + +<p>"Nor sperits and wather?" + +<p>"Worse and worse, ma'am." + +<p>"Oh, thin, maybe oaten mail tay would do? it's a beautiful thing for the +stomick, any how." + +<p>"Rank poison on the present occasion, believe me." + +<p>"Oh, then, blessed Mary, what am I to do—what is to become of me?" + +<p>"Go down at once to your berth, ma'am; lie still and without speaking +till we come in sight of land; or," and here a bright thought seized me, +"if you really feel very ill, call for that man there, with the fur +collar on his coat; he can give you the only thing I ever knew of any +efficacy; he's the steward, ma'am, Stewart Moore; but you must be on your +guard too as you are a stranger, for he's a conceited fellow, and has +saved a trifle, and sets up for a half gentleman; so don't be surprised +at his manner; though, after all, you may find him very different; some +people, I've heard, think him extremely civil." + +<p>"And he has a cure, ye say?" + +<p>"The only one I ever heard of; it is a little cordial of which you take, +I don't know how much, every ten or fifteen minutes." + +<p>"And the naygur doesn't let the saycret out, bad manners to him?" + +<p>"No, ma'am; he has refused every offer on the subject.' + +<p>"May I be so bowld as to ax his name again?" + +<p>"Stewart Moore, ma'am. Moore is the name, but people always call him +Stewart Moore; just say that in a loud clear voice, and you'll soon have +him." + +<p>With the most profuse protestations of gratitude and promises of pork "a +discretion," if I ever sojourned at Ballinasloe, my fair friend proceeded +to follow my advice, and descended to the cabin. + +<p>Some hours after, I also betook myself to my rest, from which, however, +towards midnight I was awoke by the heavy working and pitching of the +little vessel, as she laboured in a rough sea. As I looked forth from my +narrow crib, a more woe-begone picture can scarcely be imagined than that +before me. Here and there through the gloomy cabin lay the victims of +the fell malady, in every stage of suffering, and in every attitude of +misery. Their cries and lamentings mingled with the creaking of the +bulk-heads and the jarring twang of the dirty lamp, whose irregular swing +told plainly how oscillatory was our present motion. I turned from the +unpleasant sight, and was about again to address myself to slumber with +what success I might, when I started at the sound of a voice in the very +berth next to me—whose tones, once heard, there was no forgetting. The +words ran as nearly as I can recollect thus:— + +<p>"Oh, then, bad luck to ye for pigs, that ever brought me into the like of +this. Oh, Lord, there it is again." And here a slight interruption to +eloquence took place, during which I was enabled to reflect upon the +author of the complaint, who, I need not say, was Mrs. Mulrooney. + +<p>"I think a little tay would settle my stomach, if I only could get it; +but what's the use of talking in this horrid place? They never mind me +no more than if I was a pig. Steward, steward—oh, then, it's wishing +you well I am for a steward. Steward, I say;" and this she really did +say, with an energy of voice and manner that startled more than one +sleeper. "Oh, you're coming at last, steward." + +<p>"Ma'am," said a little dapper and dirty personage, in a blue jacket, with +a greasy napkin negligently thrown over one arm "ex officio," "Ma'am, did +you call?" + +<p>"Call, is it call? No; but I'm roaring for you this half hour. Come +here. Have you any of the cordial dhrops agin the sickness?—you know +what I mean." + +<p>"Is it brandy, ma'am?" + +<p>"No, it isn't brandy;" + +<p>"We have got gin, ma'am, and bottled porter—cider, ma'am, if you like." + +<p>"Agh, no! sure I want the dhrops agin the sickness." + +<p>"Don't know indeed, ma'am." + +<p>"Ah, you stupid creature; maybe you're not the real steward. What's your +name?" + +<p>"Smith, ma'am." + +<p>"Ah, I thought so; go away, man, go away." + +<p>This injunction, given in a diminuendo cadence, was quickly obeyed, and +all was silence for a moment or two. Once more was I dropping asleep, +when the same voice as before burst out with— + +<p>"Am I to die here like a haythen, and nobody to come near me? Steward, +steward, steward Moore, I say," + +<p>"Who calls me?" said a deep sonorous voice from the opposite side of the +cabin, while at the same instant a tall green silk nightcap, surmounting +a very aristocratic-looking forehead, appeared between the curtains of +the opposite berth. + +<p>"Steward Moore," said the lady again, with her eyes straining in the +direction of the door by which she expected him to enter. + +<p>"This is most strange," muttered the baronet, half aloud. "Why, madam, +you are calling me!" + +<p>"And if I am," said Mrs. Mulrooney, "and if ye heerd me, have ye no +manners to answer your name, eh? Are ye steward Moore?" + +<p>"Upon my soul ma'am I thought so last night, when I came on board; but +you really have contrived to make me doubt my own identity." + +<p>"And is it there ye're lying on the broad of yer back, and me as sick as +a dog fornent ye?" + +<p>"I concede ma'am the fact; the position is a most irksome one on every +account." + +<p>"Then why don't ye come over to me?" and this Mrs. Mulrooney said with a +voice of something like tenderness—wishing at all hazards to conciliate +so important a functionary. + +<p>"Why, really you are the most incomprehensible person I ever met." + +<p>"I'm what?" said Mrs. Mulrooney, her blood rushing to her face and +temples as she spoke—for the same reason as her fair townswoman is +reported to have borne with stoical fortitude every harsh epithet of the +language, until it occurred to her opponent to tell her that "the divil a +bit better she was nor a pronoun;" so Mrs. Mulrooney, taking "omne +ignotum pro horribili," became perfectly beside herself at the unlucky +phrase. "I'm what? repate it av ye dare, and I'll tear yer eyes out? Ye +dirty bla—guard, to be lying there at yer ease under the blankets, +grinning at me. What's your thrade—answer me that—av it isn't to wait +on the ladies, eh?" + +<p>"Oh, the woman must be mad," said Sir Stewart. + +<p>"The devil a taste mad, my dear—I'm only sick. Now just come over to +me, like a decent creature, and give me the dhrop of comfort ye have. +Come, avick." + +<p>"Go over to you?" + +<p>"Ay, and why not? or if it's so lazy ye are, why then I'll thry and cross +over to your side." + +<p>These words being accompanied by a certain indication of change of +residence on the part of Mrs. Mulrooney, Sir Stewart perceived there was +no time to lose, and springing from his berth, he rushed half-dressed +through the cabin, and up the companion-ladder, just as Mrs. Mulrooney +had protruded a pair of enormous legs from her couch, and hung for a +moment pendulous before she dropped upon the floor, and followed him to +the deck. A tremendous shout of laughter from the sailors and deck +passengers prevented my hearing the dialogue which ensued; nor do I yet +know how Mrs. Mulrooney learned her mistake. Certain it is, she no more +appeared among the passengers in the cabin, and Sir Stewart's manner the +following morning at breakfast amply satisfied me that I had had my +revenge. + +<hr> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> + +<h2><a name="ch10"></a>CHAPTER X.</h2> + +<br> +<br> + +<h3>UPSET—MIND—AND BODY.</h3> + +<br> +<br> + +<p>No sooner in Liverpool, than I hastened to take my place in the earliest +conveyance for London. At that time the Umpire Coach was the perfection +of fast travelling; and seated behind the box, enveloped in a sufficiency +of broad-cloth, I turned my face towards town with as much anxiety and as +ardent expectations as most of those about me. All went on in the +regular monotonous routine of such matters until we reached Northampton, +passing down the steep street of which town, the near wheel-horse +stumbled and fell; the coach, after a tremendous roll to one side, +toppled over on the other, and with a tremendous crash, and sudden shock, +sent all the outsides, myself among the number, flying through the air +like sea-gulls. As for me, after describing a very respectable parabola, +my angle of incidence landed me in a bonnet-maker's shop, having passed +through a large plate-glass window, and destroyed more leghorns and +dunstables than a year's pay would recompense. I have but light +recollection of the details of that occasion, until I found myself lying +in a very spacious bed at the George Inn, having been bled in both arms, +and discovering by the multitude of bandages in which I was enveloped, +that at least some of my bones were broken by the fall. That such fate +had befallen my collar-bone and three of my ribs I soon learned; and was +horror-struck at hearing from the surgeon who attended me, that four or +five weeks would be the very earliest period I could bear removal with +safety. Here then at once was a large deduction from my six months' +leave, not to think of the misery that awaited me for such a time, +confined to my bed in an inn, without books, friends, or acquaintances. +However even this could be remedied by patience, and summoning up all I +could command, I "bided my time," but not before I had completed a term +of two months' imprisonment, and had become, from actual starvation, +something very like a living transparency. + +<p>No sooner, however, did I feel myself once more on the road, than my +spirits rose, and I felt myself as full of high hope and buoyant +expectancy as ever. It was late at night when I arrived in London. +I drove to a quiet hotel in the west-end; and the following morning +proceeded to Portman-square, bursting with impatience to see my friends +the Callonbys, and recount all my adventures—for as I was too ill to +write from Northampton, and did not wish to entrust to a stranger the +office of communicating with them, I judged that they must be exceedingly +uneasy on my account, and pictured to myself the thousand emotions my +appearance so indicative of illness would give rise to; and could +scarcely avoid running in my impatience to be once more among them. How +Lady Jane would meet me, I thought of over again and again; whether the +same cautious reserve awaited me, or whether her family's approval would +have wrought a change in her reception of me, I burned to ascertain. As +my thoughts ran on in this way, I found myself at the door; but was much +alarmed to perceive that the closed window-shutters and dismantled look +of the house proclaimed them from home. I rung the bell, and soon +learned from a servant, whose face I had not seen before, that the family +had gone to Paris about a month before, with the intention of spending +the winter there. I need not say how grievously this piece of +intelligence disappointed me, and for a minute or two I could not +collect my thoughts. At last the servant said: + +<p>"If you have any thing very particular, sir, that my Lord's lawyer can +do, I can give you his address." + +<p>"No, thank you—nothing;" at the same time I muttered to myself, "I'll +have some occupation for him though ere long. The family were all quite +well, didn't you say?" + +<p>"Yes sir, perfectly well. My Lord had only a slight cold," + +<p>"Ah—yes—and there address is 'Meurice;' very well." + +<p>So saying I turned from the door, and with slower steps than I had come, +returned to my hotel. + +<p>My immediate resolve was to set out for Paris; my second was to visit my +uncle, Sir Guy Lorrequer, first, and having explained to him the nature +of my position, and the advantageous prospects before me, endeavour to +induce him to make some settlement on Lady Jane, in the event of my +obtaining her family's consent to our marriage. This, from his liking +great people much, and laying great stress upon the advantages of +connexion, I looked upon as a matter of no great difficulty; so that, +although my hopes of happiness were delayed in their fulfilment, I +believed they were only about to be the more securely realized. The same +day I set out for Elton, and by ten o'clock at night reached my uncle's +house. I found the old gentleman looking just as I had left him three +years before, complaining a little of gout in the left foot—praising his +old specific, port-wine—abusing his servants for robbing him—and +drinking the Duke of Wellington's health every night after supper; which +meal I had much pleasure in surprising him at on my arrival—not having +eaten since my departure from London. + +<p>"Well, Harry," said my uncle, when the servants had left the room, and we +drew over the spider table to the fire to discuss our wine with comfort, +"what good wind has blown you down to me, my boy? for it's odd enough, +five minutes before I heard the wheels on the gravel I was just wishing +some good fellow would join me at the grouse—and you see I have had my +wish! The old story, I suppose, 'out of cash.' Would not come down here +for nothing—eh? Come, lad, tell truth; is it not so?" + +<p>"Why, not exactly, sir; but I really had rather at present talk about +you, than about my own matters, which we can chat over tomorrow. How do +you get on, sir, with the Scotch steward?" + +<p>"He's a rogue, sir—a cheat—a scoundrel; but it is the same with them +all; and your cousin, Harry—your cousin, that I have reared from his +infancy to be my heir, (pleasant topic for me!) he cares no more for me +than the rest of them, and would never come near me, if it were not that, +like yourself, he was hard run for money, and wanted to wheedle me out of +a hundred or two." + +<p>"But you forget, sir—I told you I have not come with such an object." + +<p>"We'll see that—we'll see that in the morning," replied he, with an +incredulous shake of the head. + +<p>"But Guy, sir—what has Guy done?" + +<p>"What has he not done? No sooner did he join that popinjay set of +fellows, the __th hussars, than he turned out, what he calls a +four-in-hand drag, which dragged nine hundred pounds out of my pocket—then he +has got a yacht at Cowes—a grouse mountain in Scotland—and has actually +given Tattersall an unlimited order to purchase the Wreckinton pack of +harriers, which he intends to keep for the use of the corps. In a word, +there is not an amusement of that villanous regiment, not a flask of +champagne drank at their mess, I don't bear my share in the cost of; all +through the kind offices of your worthy cousin, Guy Lorrequer." + +<p>This was an exceedingly pleasant expose for me, to hear of my cousin +indulged in every excess of foolish extravagance by his rich uncle, while +I, the son of an elder brother who unfortunately called me by his own +name, Harry, remained the sub. in a marching regiment, with not three +hundred pounds a year above my pay, and whom any extravagance, if such +had been proved against me would have deprived of even that small +allowance. My uncle however did not notice the chagrin with which I +heard his narrative, but continued to detail various instances of wild +and reckless expense the future possessor of his ample property had +already launched into. + +<p>Anxious to say something without well-knowing what, I hinted that +probably my good cousin would reform some of these days, and marry. + +<p>"Marry," said my uncle; "yes, that, I believe, is the best thing we can +do with him; and I hope now the matter is in good train—so the latest +accounts say, at least." + +<p>"Ah, indeed," said I, endeavouring to take an interest where I really +felt none—for my cousin and I had never been very intimate friends, and +the differences in our fortunes had not, at least to my thinking, been +compensated by any advances which he, under the circumstances, might have +made to me. + +<p>"Why, Harry, did you not hear of it?" said my uncle. + +<p>"No—not a word, sir." + +<p>"Very strange, indeed—a great match, Harry—a very great match, indeed." + +<p>"Some rich banker's daughter," thought I. "What will he say when he +hears of my fortune?" + +<p>"A very fine young woman, too, I understand—quite the belle of +London—and a splendid property left by an aunt." + +<p>I was bursting to tell him of my affair, and that he had another nephew, +to whom if common justice were rendered, his fortune was as certainly +made for life. + +<p>"Guy's business happened this way," continued my uncle, who was quite +engrossed by the thought of his favourite's success. "The father of the +young lady met him in Ireland, or Scotland, or some such place, where he +was with his regiment—was greatly struck with his manner and +address—found him out to be my nephew—asked him to his house—and, in fact, +almost threw this lovely girl at his head before they were two months +acquainted." + +<p>"As nearly as possible my own adventure," thought I, laughing to myself. + +<p>"But you have not told me who they are, sir," said I, dying to have his +story finished, and to begin mine. + +<p>"I'm coming to that—I'm coming to that. Guy came down here, but did not +tell me one word of his having ever met the family, but begged me to give +him an introduction to them, as they were in Paris, where he was going on +a short leave; and the first thing I heard of the matter was a letter +from the papa, demanding from me if Guy was to be my heir, and asking +'how far his attentions in his family, met with my approval.'" + +<p>"Then how did you know sir that they were previously known to each +other?" + +<p>"The family lawyer told me, who heard it all talked over." + +<p>"And why, then, did Guy get the letter of introduction from you, when he +was already acquainted with them?" + +<p>"I am sure I cannot tell, except that you know he always does every thing +unlike every one else, and to be sure the letter seems to have excited +some amusement. I must show you his answer to my first note to know how +all was going on; for I felt very anxious about matters, when I heard +from some person who had met them, that Guy was everlastingly in the +house, and that Lord Callonby could not live without him." + +<p>"Lord who, sir?" said I in a voice that made the old man upset his glass, +and spring from his chair in horror. + +<p>"What the devil is the matter with the boy. What makes you so pale?" + +<p>"Whose name did you say at that moment, sir," said I with a slowness of +speech that cost me agony. + +<p>"Lord Callonby, my old schoolfellow and fag at Eton." + +<p>"And the lady's name, sir?" said I, in scarcely an audible whisper. + +<p>"I'm sure I forget her name; but here's the letter from Guy, and I think +he mentions her name in the postscript." + +<p>I snatched rudely the half-opened letter from the old man, as he was +vainly endeavouring to detect the place he wanted, and read as follows: + +<p>"My adored Jane is all your fondest wishes for my happiness could +picture, and longs to see her dear uncle, as she already calls you on +every occasion." I read no more—my eyes swam—the paper, the candles, +every thing before me, was misty and confused; and although I heard my +uncle's voice still going on, I knew nothing of what he said. + +<p>For some time my mind could not take in the full extent of the base +treachery I had met with, and I sat speechless and stupified. By degrees +my faculties became clearer, and with one glance I read the whole +business, from my first meeting with them at Kilrush to the present +moment. I saw that in their attentions to me, they thought they were +winning the heir of Elton, the future proprietor of fifteen thousand per +annum. From this tangled web of heartless intrigue I turned my thoughts +to Lady Jane herself. How had she betrayed me! for certainly she had not +only received, but encouraged my addresses—and so soon, too.—To think +that at the very moment when my own precipitate haste to see her had +involved me in a nearly fatal accident, she was actually receiving the +attentions of another! Oh, it was too, too bad. + +<p>But enough—even now I can scarcely dwell upon the memory of that moment, +when the hopes and dreams of many a long day and night were destined to +be thus rudely blighted. I seized the first opportunity of bidding my +uncle good night; and having promised him to reveal all my plans on the +morrow, hurried to my room. + +<p>My plans! alas, I had none—that one fatal paragraph had scattered them +to the winds; and I threw myself upon my bed, wretched and almost +heart-broken. + +<p>I have once before in these "Confessions" claimed to myself the +privilege, not inconsistent with a full disclosure of the memorabilia of +my life, to pass slightly over those passages, the burden of which was +unhappy, and whose memory is painful. I must now, therefore, claim the +"benefit of this act," and beg of the reader to let me pass from this sad +portion of my history, and for the full expression of my mingled rage, +contempt, disappointment, and sorrow, let me beg of him to receive +instead, what a learned pope once gave as his apology for not reading a +rather polysyllabic word in a Latin letter—"As for this," said he, +looking at the phrase in question, "soit qui'l dit," so say I. And +now—en route. + +<br> +<br> + +<center> +<table summary="" cellPadding=4 border=3> +<tr><td> + + <a href="5240-h.htm">Main Index</a> +</td><td> + <a href="v2.htm">Next Volume</a> + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> +<br> +<br> + +</body> +</html> + |