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diff --git a/old/files/relative.htm b/old/files/relative.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b1968ef --- /dev/null +++ b/old/files/relative.htm @@ -0,0 +1,23940 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="iso-8859-1"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> + <head> + <title> + The Confessions of Harry Lorrequer, Complete + </title> + <style type="text/css"> + <!-- + body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + .indent5 { margin-left: 5%;} + .indent10 { margin-left: 10%;} + .indent15 { margin-left: 15%;} + .indent20 { margin-left: 20%;} + .indent30 { margin-left: 30%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + .pagenum {display:inline; font-size: 100%; font-style:normal; + margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%; + text-align: right;} + .side { float: left; font-size: 75%; width: 25%; padding-left: 0.8em; + border-left: dashed thin; text-align: left; + text-indent: 0; font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; + font-weight: bold; color: black; background: #eeeeee; border: solid 1px;} + p.pfirst, p.noindent {text-indent: 0} + span.dropcap { float: left; margin: 0 0.1em 0 0; line-height: 1 } + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + --> +</style> + </head> + <body> + <h2> + THE CONFESSIONS OF HARRY LORREQUER + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Confessions of Harry Lorrequer, Complete +by Charles James Lever (1806-1872) + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net + + +Title: The Confessions of Harry Lorrequer, Complete + +Author: Charles James Lever (1806-1872) + +Release Date: October 27, 2006 [EBook #5240] +Last Updated: July 20, 2014 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HARRY LORREQUER, COMPLETE *** + + + + +Produced by Mary Munarin and David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + <div class="mynote"> + <i><a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/5240/old/orig5240-h/main.htm"> + LINK TO THE ORIGINAL HTML FILE: This Ebook Has Been Reformatted For Better + Appearance In Mobile Viewers Such As Kindles And Others. The Original + Format, Which The Editor Believes Has A More Attractive Appearance For + Laptops And Other Computers, May Be Viewed By Clicking On This Box.</a></i> + </div> + + + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + THE CONFESSIONS OF HARRY LORREQUER + </h2> + <h3> + [By Charles James Lever (1806-1872)] + </h3> + <h3> + Dublin + </h3> + <h3> + MDCCCXXXIX. + </h3> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%;"> + <img alt="bookcover.jpg (95K)" src="images/bookcover.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%;"> + <img alt="spine.jpg (51K)" src="images/spine.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%;"> + <img alt="titlepage.jpg (48K)" src="images/titlepage.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Note: Though the title page has no author's name inscribed,<br /> this + work is widely attributed to Charles James Lever.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <h3> + <a name="The_Inn_at_Munich" id="The_Inn_at_Munich">The Inn at Munich</a> + </h3> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%;"> + <img alt="00a The Inn at Munich (96K)" + src="images/00a%20The%20Inn%20at%20Munich.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <a href="images2/00a%20The%20Inn%20at%20Munich.jpg">BLACK AND WHITE IMAGE</a> + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + Click on this box here or with any of the following images to view the + engraving in sharper black and white detail. + </p> + </blockquote> + <blockquote> + <p> + "We talked of pipe-clay regulation caps—<br /> + Long twenty-fours—short culverins and mortars—<br /> + Condemn'd the 'Horse Guards' for a set of raps,<br /> + And cursed our fate at being in such quarters.<br /> Some smoked, some + sighed, and some were heard to snore;<br /> Some + wished themselves five fathoms 'neat the Solway;<br /> And some did pray—who + never prayed before—<br /> That they might get + the 'route' for Cork or Galway."<br /> + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + <br /><br /><br /> + </p> + <h3> + PLATES: + </h3> + <ol> + <li> + <a href="#The_Inn_at_Munich">The Inn at Munich</a><br /> + </li> + <li> + <a href="#Lorrequer_On_Parade">Lorrequer on Parade</a><br /> + </li> + <li> + <a href="#Nicholas_Announcing_Miss_Betty_ODowds_Carriage">Nicholas + Announcing Miss Betty O'Dowd's Carriage</a><br /> + </li> + <li> + <a href="#The_Sentry_Challenging_Father_Luke_and_the_Abbe">The Sentry + Challenging Father Luke and the Abbe</a><br /> + </li> + <li> + <a href="#Supper_at_Father_Malachis">The Supper at Father Malachi's</a><br /> + </li> + <li> + <a href="#Mrs._Mulrooney_and_Sir_Stewart_Moore">Mrs. Mulrooney and Sir + Stewart Moore</a><br /> + </li> + <li> + <a href="#Lorrequer_Making_His_Escape_From_Col._Kamworths">Lorrequer + Making His Escape From Col. Kamworth's</a><br /> + </li> + <li> + <a href="#Mr._Cudmore_Filling_the_Teapot">Mr. Cudmore Filling the Teapot</a><br /> + </li> + <li> + <a href="#Dr._Finucane_and_the_Grey_Mare">Dr. Finucane and the Grey Mare</a><br /> + </li> + <li> + <a href="#Lorrequer_Practising_Physic">Lorrequer Practising Physic</a><br /> + </li> + <li> + <a href="#Mr._Burkes_Enthusiasm_for_the_Duke_of_Wellington">Mr. Burke's + Enthusiasm for the Duke of Wellington</a><br /> + </li> + <li> + <a href="#The_Passport_Office">The Passport Office</a><br /> + </li> + <li> + <a href="#The_Inn_at_Munich">The Inn at Munich</a><br /> + </li> + <li> + <a href="#Lorrequer_as_Postillion">Lorrequer as Postillion</a><br /> + </li> + <li> + <a href="#Mr._OLeary_Creating_a_Sensation_at_the_Salon_des_Etranges">Mr. + O'Leary Creating a Sensation at the Salon des Etranges</a><br /> + </li> + <li> + <a href="#The_Inn_at_Munich">The Inn at Munich</a><br /> + </li> + <li> + <a href="#Trevanion_Astonishing_the_Bully_Gendemar">Trevanion + Astonishing the Bully Gendemar</a><br /> + </li> + <li> + <a href="#Mr._OLeary_Charges_the_Mob">Mr. O'Leary Charges the Mob</a><br /> + </li> + <li> + <a href="#Mr._OLeary_Imagines_Himself_Kilt">Mr. O'Leary Imagines Himself + Kilt</a><br /> + </li> + <li> + <a href="#Harry_Proves_Himself_a_Man_of_Metal">Harry Proves Himself a + Man of Metal</a><br /> + </li> + <li> + <a href="#Mr._OLearys_Double_Capture">Mr. O'Leary's Double Capture</a><br /> + </li> + <li> + <a href="#The_Inn_at_Munich">The Inn at Munich</a><br /> + </li> + <li> + <a href="#Mr._Malone_and_His_Friend">Mr. Malone and Friend</a><br /> + </li> + <li> + <a href="#Lorrequers_Debut_at_Strasburg">Lorrequer's Debut at Strasburg</a> + </li> + </ol> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + CONTENTS: + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <a href="#ch1">CHAPTER I</a> <br /> Arrival in Cork—Civic + Festivities—Private Theatricals <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch2">CHAPTER + II</a> <br /> Detachment Duty—The Burton Arms—Callonby <br /> + <br /> <a href="#ch3">CHAPTER III</a> <br /> Life at Callonby—Love-making—Miss + O'Dowd's Adventure <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch4">CHAPTER IV</a> <br /> + Botanical Studies—The Natural System preferable to the Linnaean + <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch5">CHAPTER V</a> <br /> Puzzled—Explanation—Makes + bad worse—The Duel <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch6">CHAPTER VI</a> <br /> + The Priest's Supper—Father Malachi and the Coadjutor—Major + Jones and the Abbe <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch7">CHAPTER VII</a> <br /> The + Lady's Letter—Peter and his Acquaintances—Too late <br /> <br /> + <a href="#ch8">CHAPTER VIII</a> <br /> Congratulations—Sick Leave—How + to pass the Board <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch9">CHAPTER IX</a> <br /> The Road—Travelling + Acquaintances—A Packet Adventure <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch10">CHAPTER + X</a> <br /> Upset—Mind and Body <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch11">CHAPTER + XI</a> <br /> Cheltenham—Matrimonial Adventure—Showing how to + make love for a friend <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch12">CHAPTER XII</a> <br /> + Dublin—Tom O'Flaherty—A Reminiscence of the Peninsula <br /> + <br /> <a href="#ch13">CHAPTER XIII</a> <br /> Dublin—The + Boarding-house—Select Society <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch14">CHAPTER + XIV</a> <br /> The Chase <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch15">CHAPTER XV</a> <br /> + Mems Of the North Cork <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch16">CHAPTER XVI</a> <br /> + Theatricals <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch16b">CHAPTER XVI b</a> (The chapter + number is a repeat) <br /> The Wager <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch17">CHAPTER + XVII</a> <br /> The Elopement <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch18">CHAPTER XVIII</a> + Detachment Duty—An Assize Town <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch19">CHAPTER + XIX</a> <br /> The Assize Town <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch20">CHAPTER XX</a> A + Day in Dublin <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch21">CHAPTER XXI</a> <br /> A Night at + Howth <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch22">CHAPTER XXII</a> <br /> The Journey <br /> + <br /> <a href="#ch23">CHAPTER XXIII</a> <br /> Calais <br /> <br /> <a + href="#ch24">CHAPTER XXIV</a> <br /> The Gen d'Arme <br /> <br /> <a + href="#ch25">CHAPTER XXV</a> <br /> The Inn at Chantraine <br /> <br /> <a + href="#ch26">CHAPTER XXVI</a> <br /> Mr O'Leary <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch27">CHAPTER + XXVII</a> <br /> Paris <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch28">CHAPTER XXVIII</a> <br /> + Paris <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch29">CHAPTER XXIX</a> <br /> Captain + Trevanion's Adventure <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch30">CHAPTER XXX</a> <br /> + Difficulties <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch31">CHAPTER XXXI</a> <br /> + Explanation <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch32">CHAPTER XXXII</a> <br /> Mr + O'Leary's First Love <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch33">CHAPTER XXXIII</a> <br /> + Mr O'Leary's Second Love <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch34">CHAPTER XXXIV</a> The + Duel <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch35">CHAPTER XXXV</a> <br /> Early + Recollections—A First Love <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch36">CHAPTER XXXVI</a> + Wise Resolves <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch37">CHAPTER XXXVII</a> <br /> The + Proposal <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch38">CHAPTER XXXVIII</a> <br /> Thoughts + upon Matrimony in general, and in the Army <br />in particular—The + Knight of Kerry and Billy M'Cabe <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch39">CHAPTER XXXIX</a> + A Reminiscence <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch40">CHAPTER XL</a> <br /> The Two + Letters <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch41">CHAPTER XLI</a> <br /> Mr O'Leary's + Capture <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch42">CHAPTER XLII</a> <br /> The Journey + <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch43">CHAPTER XLIII</a> <br /> The Journey <br /> + <br /> <a href="#ch44">CHAPTER XLIV</a> <br /> A Reminscence of the East + <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch45">CHAPTER XLV</a> <br /> A Day in the Phoenix + <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch46">CHAPTER XLVI</a> <br /> An Adventure in Canada + <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch47">CHAPTER XLVII</a> <br /> The Courier's Passport + <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch48">CHAPTER XLVIII</a> <br /> A Night in Strasbourg + <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch49">CHAPTER XLIX</a> <br /> A Surprise <br /> <br /> + <a href="#ch50">CHAPTER L</a> <br /> Jack Waller's Story <br /> <br /> <a + href="#ch51">CHAPTER LI</a> <br /> Munich <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch52">CHAPTER + LII</a> <br /> Inn at Munich <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch53">CHAPTER LIII</a> + The Ball <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch54">CHAPTER LIV</a> <br /> A Discovery + <br /> <br /> <a href="#ch55">CHAPTER LV</a> <br /> Conclusion <br /> <br /> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + To Sir George Hamilton Seymour, G.C.H. + </p> + <p> + My Dear Sir Hamilton, + </p> + <p> + If a feather will show how the wind blows, perhaps my dedicating to you + even as light matter as these Confessions may in some measure prove how + grateful I feel for the many kindnesses I have received from you in the + course of our intimacy. While thus acknowledging a debt, I must also avow + that another motive strongly prompts me upon this occasion. I am not aware + of any one, to whom with such propriety a volume of anecdote and adventure + should be inscribed, as to one, himself well known as an inimitable + narrator. Could I have stolen for my story, any portion of the grace and + humour with which I have heard you adorn many of your own, while I should + deem this offering more worthy of your acceptance, I should also feel more + confident of its reception by the public. + </p> + <p> + With every sentiment of esteem and regard, Believe me very faithfully + yours, THE AUTHOR Bruxelles, December, 1839. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> + </p> + <h3> + PREFATORY EPISTLE. + </h3> + <p> + Dear Public, + </p> + <p> + When first I set about recording the scenes which occupy these pages, I + had no intention of continuing them, except in such stray and scattered + fragments as the columns of a Magazine (FOOTNOTE: The Dublin University + Magazine.) permit of; and when at length I discovered that some interest + had attached not only to the adventures, but to their narrator, I would + gladly have retired with my "little laurels" from a stage, on which, + having only engaged to appear between the acts, I was destined to come + forward as a principal character. + </p> + <p> + Among the "miseries of human life," a most touching one is spoken of—the + being obliged to listen to the repetition of a badly sung song, because + some well-wishing, but not over discreet friend of the singer has called + loudly for an encore. + </p> + <p> + I begin very much to fear that something of the kind has taken place here, + and that I should have acted a wiser part, had I been contented with even + the still small voice of a few partial friends, and retired from the + boards in the pleasing delusion of success; but unfortunately, the same + easy temperament that has so often involved me before, has been faithful + to me here; and when you pretended to be pleased, unluckily, I believed + you. + </p> + <p> + So much of apology for the matter—a little now for the manner of my + offending, and I have done. I wrote as I felt—sometimes in good + spirits, sometimes in bad—always carelessly—for, God help me, + I can do no better. + </p> + <p> + When the celibacy of the Fellows of Trinity College, Dublin, became an + active law in that University, the Board proceeded to enforce it, by + summoning to their presence all the individuals who it was well known had + transgressed the regulation, and among them figured Dr. S., many of whose + sons were at the same time students in the college. "Are you married, Dr. + S——-r?" said the bachelor vice-provost, in all the dignity and + pride of conscious innocence. "Married!" said the father of ten children, + with a start of involuntary horror;—"married?" "Yes sir, married." + "Why sir, I am no more married than the Provost." This was quite enough—no + further questions were asked, and the head of the University preferred a + merciful course towards the offender, to repudiating his wife and + disowning his children. Now for the application. Certain captious and + incredulous people have doubted the veracity of the adventures I have + recorded in these pages; I do not think it necessary to appeal to + concurrent testimony and credible witnesses for their proof, but I pledge + myself to the fact that every tittle I have related is as true as that my + name is Lorrequer—need I say more? + </p> + <p> + Another objection has been made to my narrative, and I cannot pass it by + without a word of remark;—"these Confessions are wanting in scenes + of touching and pathetic interest" (FOOTNOTE: We have the author's + permission to state, that all the pathetic and moving incidents of his + career he has reserved for a second series of "Confessions," to be + entitled "Lorrequer Married?"—Publisher's Note.)—true, quite + true; but I console myself on this head, for I remember hearing of an + author whose paraphrase of the book of Job was refused by a publisher, if + he could not throw a little more humour into it; and if I have not been + more miserable and more unhappy, I am very sorry for it on your account, + but you must excuse my regretting it on my own. Another story and I have + done;—the Newgate Calendar makes mention of a notorious + housebreaker, who closed his career of outrage and violence by the murder + of a whole family, whose house he robbed; on the scaffold he entreated + permission to speak a few words to the crowd beneath, and thus addressed + them:—"My friends, it is quite true I murdered this family; in cold + blood I did it—one by one they fell beneath my hand, while I rifled + their coffers, and took forth their effects; but one thing is imputed to + me, which I cannot die without denying—it is asserted that I stole + an extinguisher; the contemptible character of this petty theft is a stain + upon my reputation, that I cannot suffer to disgrace my memory." So would + I now address you for all the graver offences of my book; I stand forth + guilty—miserably, palpably guilty—they are mine every one of + them; and I dare not, I cannot deny them; but if you think that the + blunders in French and the hash of spelling so widely spread through these + pages, are attributable to me; on the faith of a gentleman I pledge myself + you are wrong, and that I had nothing to do with them. If my thanks for + the kindness and indulgence with which these hastily written and rashly + conceived sketches have been received by the press and the public, are of + any avail, let me add, in conclusion, that a more grateful author does not + exist than + </p> + <p> + HARRY LORREQUER <br /> <br /> <br /><br /> + </p> + <h3> + A WORD OF INTRODUCTION. + </h3> + <p> + "Story! God bless you; I have none to tell, sir." + </p> + <p> + It is now many—do not ask me to say how many—years since I + received from the Horse Guards the welcome intelligence that I was + gazetted to an ensigncy in his Majesty's __th Foot, and that my name, + which had figured so long in the "Duke's" list, with the words "a very + hard case" appended, should at length appear in the monthly record of + promotions and appointments. + </p> + <p> + Since then my life has been passed in all the vicissitudes of war and + peace. The camp and the bivouac—the reckless gaiety of the + mess-table—the comfortless solitude of a French prison—the + exciting turmoils of active service—the wearisome monotony of + garrison duty, I have alike partaken of, and experienced. A career of this + kind, with a temperament ever ready to go with the humour of those about + him will always be sure of its meed of adventure. Such has mine been; and + with no greater pretension than to chronicle a few of the scenes in which + I have borne a part, and revive the memory of the other actors in them—some, + alas! Now no more—I have ventured upon these "Confessions." + </p> + <p> + If I have not here selected that portion of my life which most abounded in + striking events and incidents most worthy of recording, my excuse is + simply, because being my first appearance upon the boards, I preferred + accustoming myself to the look of the house, while performing the "Cock," + to coming before the audience in the more difficult part of Hamlet. + </p> + <p> + As there are unhappily impracticable people in the world, who, as Curran + expressed it, are never content to know "who killed the gauger, if you + can't inform them who wove his corduroys"—to all such I would, in + deep humility, say, that with my "Confessions" they have nothing to do—I + have neither story nor moral—my only pretension to the one, is the + detail of a passion which marked some years of my life; my only attempt at + the other, the effort to show how prolific in hair-breadth 'scapes may a + man's career become, who, with a warm imagination and easy temper, + believes too much, and rarely can feign a part without forgetting that he + is acting. Having said thus much, I must once more bespeak the indulgence + never withheld from a true penitent, and at once begin my "Confessions." + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch1" id="ch1"></a>CHAPTER I. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + ARRIVAL IN CORK—CIVIC FESTIVITIES—PRIVATE THEATRICALS. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + <a name="Lorrequer_On_Parade" id="Lorrequer_On_Parade">Lorrequer On Parade</a> + </h3> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%;"> + <img alt="Ch 01 Lorrequer on Parade.jpg (69K)" + src="images/Ch%2001%20%20Lorrequer%20on%20Parade.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <a href="images2/Ch%2001%20%20Lorrequer%20on%20Parade.jpg">BLACK AND WHITE + IMAGE</a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + It was on a splendid morning in the autumn of the year 181_ that the + Howard transport, with four hundred of his Majesty's 4_th Regt., dropped + anchor in the beautiful harbour of Cove; the sea shone under the purple + light of the rising sun with a rich rosy hue, beautifully in contrast with + the different tints of the foliage of the deep woods already tinged with + the brown of autumn. Spike Island lay "sleeping upon its broad shadow," + and the large ensign which crowns the battery was wrapped around the + flag-staff, there not being even air enough to stir it. It was still so + early, that but few persons were abroad; and as we leaned over the + bulwarks, and looked now, for the first time for eight long years, upon + British ground, many an eye filled, and many a heaving breast told how + full of recollections that short moment was, and how different our + feelings from the gay buoyancy with which we had sailed from that same + harbour for the Peninsula; many of our best and bravest had we left behind + us, and more than one native to the land we were approaching had found his + last rest in the soil of the stranger. It was, then, with a mingled sense + of pain and pleasure, we gazed upon that peaceful little village, whose + white cottages lay dotted along the edge of the harbour. The moody silence + our thoughts had shed over us was soon broken: the preparations for + disembarking had begun, and I recollect well to this hour how, shaking off + the load that oppressed my heart, I descended the gangway, humming poor + Wolfe's well-known song— + </p> + <table summary=""> + <tr> + <td> + "Why, soldiers, why<br /> Should we be melancholy, boys?"<br /> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + <p> + And to this elasticity of spirits—whether the result of my + profession, or the gift of God—as Dogberry has it—I know not—I + owe the greater portion of the happiness I have enjoyed in a life, whose + changes and vicissitudes have equalled most men's. + </p> + <p> + Drawn up in a line along the shore, I could scarce refrain from a smile at + our appearance. Four weeks on board a transport will certainly not + contribute much to the "personnel" of any unfortunate therein confined; + but when, in addition to this, you take into account that we had not + received new clothes for three years—if I except caps for our + grenadiers, originally intended for a Scotch regiment, but found to be all + too small for the long-headed generation. Many a patch of brown and grey, + variegated the faded scarlet, "of our uniform," and scarcely a pair of + knees in the entire regiment did not confess their obligations to a + blanket. But with all this, we shewed a stout, weather-beaten front, that, + disposed as the passer-by might feel to laugh at our expense, very little + caution would teach him it was fully as safe to indulge it in his sleeve. + </p> + <p> + The bells from every steeple and tower rung gaily out a peal of welcome as + we marched into "that beautiful city called Cork," our band playing + "Garryowen"—for we had been originally raised in Ireland, and still + among our officers maintained a strong majority from that land of punch, + priests, and potatoes—the tattered flag of the regiment proudly + waving over our heads, and not a man amongst us whose warm heart did not + bound behind a Waterloo medal. Well—well! I am now—alas, that + I should say it—somewhat in the "sear and yellow;" and I confess, + after the experience of some moments of high, triumphant feeling, that I + never before felt within me, the same animating, spirit-filling glow of + delight, as rose within my heart that day, as I marched at the head of my + company down George's-street. + </p> + <p> + We were soon settled in barracks; and then began a series of + entertainments on the side of the civic dignities of Cork, which soon led + most of us to believe that we had only escaped shot and shell to fall less + gloriously beneath champagne and claret. I do not believe there is a + coroner in the island who would have pronounced but the one verdict over + the regiment—"Killed by the mayor and corporation," had we so + fallen. + </p> + <p> + First of all, we were dined by the citizens of Cork—and, to do them + justice, a harder drinking set of gentlemen no city need boast; then we + were feasted by the corporation; then by the sheriffs; then came the + mayor, solus; then an address, with a cold collation, that left eight of + us on the sick-list for a fortnight; but the climax of all was a grand + entertainment given in the mansion-house, and to which upwards of two + thousand were invited. It was a species of fancy ball, beginning by a + dejeune at three o'clock in the afternoon, and ending—I never yet + met the man who could tell when it ended; as for myself, my finale partook + a little of the adventurous, and I may as well relate it. + </p> + <p> + After waltzing for about an hour with one of the prettiest girls I ever + set eyes upon, and getting a tender squeeze of the hand, as I restored her + to a most affable-looking old lady in a blue turban and a red velvet gown + who smiled most benignly on me, and called me "Meejor," I retired to + recruit for a new attack, to a small table, where three of ours were + quaffing "ponche a la Romaine," with a crowd of Corkagians about them, + eagerly inquiring after some heroes of their own city, whose deeds of arms + they were surprised did not obtain special mention from "the Duke." I soon + ingratiated myself into this well-occupied clique, and dosed them with + glory to their hearts' content. I resolved at once to enter into their + humour; and as the "ponche" mounted up to my brain I gradually found my + acquaintanceship extend to every family and connexion in the country. + </p> + <p> + "Did ye know Phil Beamish of the 3_th, sir?" said a tall, red-faced, + red-whiskered, well-looking gentleman, who bore no slight resemblance to + Feargus O'Connor. + </p> + <p> + "Phil Beamish!" said I. "Indeed I did, sir, and do still; and there is not + a man in the British army I am prouder of knowing." Here, by the way, I + may mention that I never heard the name till that moment. + </p> + <p> + "You don't say so, sir?" said Feargus—for so I must call him, for + shortness sake. "Has he any chance of the company yet, sir?" + </p> + <p> + "Company!" said I, in astonishment. "He obtained his majority three months + since. You cannot possibly have heard from lately, or you would have known + that?" + </p> + <p> + "That's true, sir. I never heard since he quitted the 3_th to go to + Versailles, I think they call it, for his health. But how did he get the + step, sir?" + </p> + <p> + "Why, as to the company, that was remarkable enough!" said I, quaffing off + a tumbler of champagne, to assist my invention. "You know it was about + four o'clock in the afternoon of the 18th that Napoleon ordered Grouchy to + advance with the first and second brigade of the Old Guard and two + regiments of chasseurs, and attack the position occupied by Picton and the + regiments under his command. Well, sir, on they came, masked by the smoke + of a terrific discharge of artillery, stationed on a small eminence to our + left, and which did tremendous execution among our poor fellows—on + they came, Sir; and as the smoke cleared partially away we got a glimpse + of them, and a more dangerous looking set I should not desire to see: + grizzle-bearded, hard-featured, bronzed fellows, about five-and-thirty or + forty years of age; their beauty not a whit improved by the red glare + thrown upon their faces and along the whole line by each flash of the long + twenty-fours that were playing away to the right. Just at this moment + Picton rode down the line with his staff, and stopping within a few paces + of me, said, 'They're coming up; steady, boys; steady now: we shall have + something to do soon.' And then, turning sharply round, he looked in the + direction of the French battery, that was thundering away again in full + force, 'Ah, that must be silenced,' said he, 'Where's Beamish?'—"Says + Picton!" interrupted Feargus, his eyes starting from their sockets, and + his mouth growing wider every moment, as he listed with the most intense + interest. "Yes," said I, slowly; and then, with all the provoking + nonchalance of an Italian improvisatore, who always halts at the most + exciting point of his narrative, I begged a listener near me to fill my + glass from the iced punch beside him. Not a sound was heard as I lifted + the bumper to my lips; all were breathless in their wound-up anxiety to + hear of their countryman who had been selected by Picton—for what, + too, they knew not yet, and, indeed, at this instant I did not know + myself, and nearly laughed outright, for the two of our men who had + remained at the table had so well employed their interval of ease as to + become very pleasantly drunk, and were listening to my confounded story + with all the gravity and seriousness in the world. + </p> + <p> + "'Where's Beamish?' said Picton. 'Here, sir,' said Phil stepping out from + the line and touching his cap to the general, who, taking him apart for a + few minutes, spoke to him with great animation. We did not know what he + said; but before five minutes were over, there was Phil with three + companies of light-bobs drawn up at our left; their muskets at the charge, + they set off at a round trot down the little steep which closed our flank. + We had not much time to follow their movements, for our own amusement + began soon; but I well remember, after repelling the French attack, and + standing in square against two heavy charges of cuirassiers, the first + thing I saw where the French battery had stood, was Phil Beamish and about + a handful of brave fellows, all that remained from the skirmish. He + captured two of the enemy's field-pieces, and was 'Captain Beamish' on the + day after." + </p> + <p> + "Long life to him," said at least a dozen voices behind and about me, + while a general clinking of decanters and smacking of lips betokened that + Phil's health with all the honours was being celebrated. For myself, I was + really so engrossed by my narrative, and so excited by the "ponche," that + I saw or heard very little of what was passing around, and have only a + kind of dim recollection of being seized by the hand by "Feargus," who was + Beamish's brother, and who, in the fullness of his heart, would have + hugged me to his breast, if I had not opportunely been so overpowered as + to fall senseless under the table. + </p> + <p> + When I first returned to consciousness, I found myself lying exactly where + I had fallen. Around me lay heaps of slain—the two of "ours" amongst + the number. One of them—I remember he was the adjutant—held in + his hand a wax candle (three to the pound). Whether he had himself seized + it in the enthusiasm of my narrative of flood and field, or it had been + put there by another, I know not, but he certainly cut a droll figure. The + room we were in was a small one off the great saloon, and through the half + open folding-door I could clearly perceive that the festivities were still + continued. The crash of fiddles and French horns, and the tramp of feet, + which had lost much of their elasticity since the entertainments began, + rang through my ears, mingled with the sounds "down the middle," "hands + across," "here's your partner, Captain." What hour of the night or morning + it then was, I could not guess; but certainly the vigor of the party + seemed little abated, if I might judge from the specimens before me, and + the testimony of a short plethoric gentleman, who stood wiping his bald + head, after conducting his partner down twenty-eight couple, and who, + turning to his friend, said, "Oh, the distance is nothing, but it is the + pace that kills." + </p> + <p> + The first evidence I shewed of any return to reason, was a strong anxiety + to be at my quarters; but how to get there I knew not. The faint + glimmering of sense I possessed told me that "to stand was to fall," and I + was ashamed to go on all-fours, which prudence suggested. + </p> + <p> + At this moment I remembered I had brought with me my cane, which, from a + perhaps pardonable vanity, I was fond of parading. It was a present from + the officers of my regiment—many of them, alas, since dead—and + had a most splendid gold head, with a stag at the top—the arms of + the regiment. This I would not have lost for any consideration I can + mention; and this now was gone! I looked around me on every side; I groped + beneath the table; I turned the sleeping sots who lay about in no very + gentle fashion; but, alas, it was gone. I sprang to my feet and only then + remembered how unfit I was to follow up the search, as tables, chairs, + lights, and people seemed all rocking and waving before me. However, I + succeeded in making my way, through one room into another, sometimes + guiding my steps along the walls; and once, as I recollect, seeking the + diagonal of a room, I bisected a quadrille with such ill-directed speed, + as to run foul of a Cork dandy and his partner who were just performing + the "en avant:" but though I saw them lie tumbled in the dust by the shock + of my encounter—for I had upset them—I still held on the even + tenor of my way. In fact, I had feeling for but one loss; and, still in + pursuit of my cane, I reached the hall-door. Now, be it known that the + architecture of the Cork Mansion House has but one fault, but that fault + is a grand one, and a strong evidence of how unsuited English architects + are to provide buildings for a people whose tastes and habits they but + imperfectly understand—be it known, then, that the descent from the + hall-door to the street was by a flight of twelve stone steps. How I + should ever get down these was now my difficulty. If Falstaff deplored + "eight yards of uneven ground as being three score and ten miles a foot," + with equal truth did I feel that these twelve awful steps were worse to me + than would be M'Gillicuddy Reeks in the day-light, and with a head clear + from champagne. + </p> + <p> + While I yet hesitated, the problem resolved itself; for, gazing down upon + the bright gravel, brilliantly lighted by the surrounding lamps, I lost my + balance, and came tumbling and rolling from top to bottom, where I fell + upon a large mass of some soft substance, to which, in all probability, I + owe my life. In a few seconds I recovered my senses, and what was my + surprise to find that the downy cushion beneath, snored most audibly! I + moved a little to one side, and then discovered that in reality it was + nothing less than an alderman of Cork, who, from his position, I concluded + had shared the same fate with myself; there he lay, "like a warrior taking + his rest," but not with his "martial cloak around him," but a much more + comfortable and far more costly robe—a scarlet gown of office—with + huge velvet cuffs and a great cape of the same material. True courage + consists in presence of mind; and here mine came to my aid at once: + recollecting the loss I had just sustained, and perceiving that all was + still about me, with that right Peninsular maxim, that reprisals are fair + in an enemy's camp, I proceeded to strip the slain; and with some little + difficulty—partly, indeed, owing to my unsteadiness on my legs—I + succeeded in denuding the worthy alderman, who gave no other sign of life + during the operation than an abortive effort to "hip, hip, hurra," in + which I left him, having put on the spoil, and set out on my way the the + barrack with as much dignity of manner as I could assume in honour of my + costume. And here I may mention (en parenthese) that a more comfortable + morning gown no man ever possessed, and in its wide luxuriant folds I + revel, while I write these lines. + </p> + <p> + When I awoke on the following day I had considerable difficulty in tracing + the events of the past evening. The great scarlet cloak, however, + unravelled much of the mystery, and gradually the whole of my career + became clear before me, with the single exception of the episode of Phil + Beamish, about which my memory was subsequently refreshed—but I + anticipate. Only five appeared that day at mess; and, Lord! What spectres + they were!—yellow as guineas; they called for soda water without + ceasing, and scarcely spoke a word to each other. It was plain that the + corporation of Cork was committing more havoc among us than Corunna or + Waterloo, and that if we did not change our quarters, there would be quick + promotion in the corps for such as were "seasoned gentlemen." After a day + or two we met again together, and then what adventures were told—each + man had his own story to narrate; and from the occurrences detailed, one + would have supposed years had been passing, instead of the short hours of + an evening party. Mine were indeed among the least remarkable; but I + confess that the air of vraisemblance produced by my production of the + aldermanic gown gave me the palm above all competitors. + </p> + <p> + Such was our life in Cork—dining, drinking, dancing, riding steeple + chases, pigeon shooting, and tandem driving—filling up any little + interval that was found to exist between a late breakfast, and the time to + dress for dinner; and here I hope I shall not be accused of a tendency to + boasting, while I add, that among all ranks and degrees of men, and women + too, there never was a regiment more highly in estimation than the 4_th. + We felt the full value of all the attentions we were receiving; and we + endeavoured, as best we might, to repay them. We got up Garrison Balls and + Garrison Plays, and usually performed one or twice a week during the + winter. Here I shone conspicuously; in the morning I was employed painting + scenery and arranging the properties; as it grew later, I regulated the + lamps, and looked after the foot-lights, mediating occasionally between + angry litigants, whose jealousies abound to the full as much, in private + theatricals, as in the regular corps dramatique. Then, I was also leader + in the orchestra; and had scarcely to speak the prologues. Such are the + cares of greatness: to do myself justice, I did not dislike them; though, + to be sure, my taste for the drama did cost me a little dear, as will be + seen in the sequel. + </p> + <p> + We were then in the full career of popularity. Our balls pronounced the + very pleasantest; our plays far superior to any regular corps that had + ever honoured Cork with their talents; when an event occurred which threw + a gloom over all our proceedings, and finally put a stop to every project + for amusement, we had so completely given ourselves up to. This was no + less than the removal of our Lieutenant-Colonel. After thirty years of + active service in the regiment he then commanded, his age and infirmities, + increased by some severe wounds, demanded ease and repose; he retired from + us, bearing along with him the love and regard of every man in the + regiment. To the old officers he was endeared by long companionship, and + undeviating friendship; to the young, he was in every respect as a father, + assisting by his advice, and guiding by his counsel; while to the men, the + best estimate of his worth appeared in the fact, that corporeal punishment + was unknown in the corps. Such was the man we lost; and it may well be + supposed, that his successor, who, or whatever he might be, came under + circumstances of no common difficulty amongst us; but, when I tell, that + our new Lieutenant-Colonel was in every respect his opposite, it may be + believed how little cordiality he met with. + </p> + <p> + Lieutenant-Colonel Carden—for so I shall call him, although not his + real name—had not been a month at quarters, when he proved himself a + regular martinet; everlasting drills, continual reports, fatigue parties, + and ball practice, and heaven knows what besides, superseded our former + morning's occupation; and, at the end of the time I have metioned, we, who + had fought our way from Albuera to Waterloo, under some of the severest + generals of division, were pronounced a most disorderly and + ill-disciplined regiment, by a Colonel, who had never seen a shot fired + but at a review in Hounslow, or a sham-battle in the Fifteen Acres. The + winter was now drawing to a close—already some little touch of + spring was appearing; as our last play for the season was announced, every + effort to close with some little additional effort was made; and each + performer in the expected piece was nerving himself for an effort beyond + his wont. The Colonel had most unequivocally condemned these plays; but + that mattered not; they came not within his jurisdiction; and we took no + notice of his displeasure, further than sending him tickets, which were as + immediately returned as received. From being the chief offender, I had + become particularly obnoxious; and he had upon more than one occasion + expressed his desire for an opportunity to visit me with his vengeance; + but being aware of his kind intentions towards me, I took particular care + to let no such opportunity occur. + </p> + <p> + On the morning in question, then, I had scarcely left my quarters, when + one of my brother officers informed me that the Colonel had made a great + uproar, that one of the bills of the play had been put up on his door—which, + with his avowed dislike to such representations, he considered as intended + to insult him: he added, too, that the Colonel attributed it to me. In + this, however, he was wrong—and, to this hour, I never knew who did + it. I had little time, and still less inclination, to meditate upon the + Colonel's wrath—the theatre had all my thoughts; and indeed it was a + day of no common exertion, for our amusements were to conclude with a + grand supper on the stage, to which all the elite of Cork were invited. + Wherever I went through the city—and many were my peregrinations—the + great placard of the play stared me in the fact; and every gate and + shuttered window in Cork, proclaimed, <br /> + </p> + <h3> + "THE PART OF OTHELLO, BY MR. LORREQUER." + </h3> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + As evening drew near, my cares and occupations were redoubled. My Iago I + had fears for—'tis true he was an admirable Lord Grizzle in Tom + Thumb—but then—then I had to paint the whole company, and bear + all their abuse besides, for not making some of the most ill-looking + wretches, perfect Apollos; but, last of all, I was sent for, at a quarter + to seven, to lace Desdemona's stays. Start not, gentle reader—my + fair Desdemona—she "who might lie by an emperor's side, and command + him tasks"—was no other than the senior lieutenant of the regiment, + and who was a great a votary of the jolly god as honest Cassio himself. + But I must hasten on—I cannot delay to recount our successes in + detail. Let it suffice to say, that, by universal consent, I was preferred + to Kean; and the only fault the most critical observer could find to the + representative of Desdemona, was a rather unlady-like fondness for snuff. + But, whatever little demerits our acting might have displayed, were + speedily forgotten in a champagne supper. There I took the head of the + table; and, in the costume of the noble Moor, toasted, made speeches, + returned thanks, and sung songs, till I might have exclaimed with Othello + himself, "Chaos was come again;"—and I believe I owe my ever + reaching the barrack that night to the kind offices of Desdemona, who + carried me the greater part of the way on her back. + </p> + <p> + The first waking thoughts of him who has indulged over-night, was not + among the most blissful of existence, and certainly the pleasure is not + increased by the consciousness that he is called on to the discharge of + duties to which a fevered pulse and throbbing temples are but ill-suited. + My sleep was suddenly broken in upon the morning after the play, but a + "row-dow-dow" beat beneath my window. I jumped hastily from my bed, and + looked out, and there, to my horror, perceived the regiment under arms. It + was one of our confounded colonel's morning drills; and there he stood + himself with the poor adjutant, who had been up all night, shivering + beside him. Some two or three of the officers had descended; and the drum + was now summoning the others as it beat round the barrack-square. I saw + there was not a moment to lose, and proceeded to dress with all despatch; + but, to my misery, I discovered every where nothing but theatrical robes + and decorations—there lay a splendid turban, here a pair of buskins—a + spangled jacket glittered on one table, and a jewelled scimitar on the + other. At last I detected my "regimental small-clothes," Most + ignominiously thrust into a corner, in my ardour for my Moorish robes the + preceding evening. + </p> + <p> + I dressed myself with the speed of lightning; but as I proceeded in my + occupation-guess my annoyance to find that the toilet-table and glass, ay, + and even the basin-stand, had been removed to the dressing-room of the + theatre; and my servant, I suppose, following his master's example, was + too tipsy to remember to bring them back; so that I was unable to procure + the luxury of cold water—for now not a moment more remained—the + drum had ceased, and the men had all fallen in. Hastily drawing on my + coat, I put on my shako, and buckling on my belt as dandy-like as might + be, hurried down the stairs to the barrack-yard. By the time I got down, + the men were all drawn up in line along the square; while the adjutant was + proceeding to examine their accoutrements, as he passed down. The colonel + and the officers were standing in a group, but no conversing. The anger of + the commanding officer appeared still to continue, and there was a dead + silence maintained on both sides. To reach the spot where they stood, I + had to pass along part of the line. In doing so, how shall I convey my + amazement at the faces that met me—a general titter ran along the + entire rank, which not even their fears for consequences seemed able to + repress—for an effort, on the part of many, to stifle the laugh, + only ended in a still louder burst of merriment. I looked to the far side + of the yard for an explanation, but there was nothing there to account for + it. I now crossed over to where the officers were standing, determining in + my own mind to investigate the occurrence thoroughly, when free from the + presence of the colonel, to whom any representation of ill conduct always + brought a punishment far exceeding the merits of the case. + </p> + <p> + Scarcely had I formed this resolve, when I reached the group of officers; + but the moment I came near, one general roar of laughter saluted me,—the + like of which I never before heard—I looked down at my costume, + expecting to discover that, in my hurry to dress, I had put on some of the + garments of Othello—No: all was perfectly correct. I waited for a + moment, till the first burst of their merriment over, I should obtain a + clue to the jest. But their mirth appeared to increase. Indeed poor G——, + the senior major, one of the gravest men in Europe, laughed till the tears + ran down his cheeks; and such was the effect upon me, that I was induced + to laugh too—as men will sometimes, from the infectious nature of + that strange emotion; but, no sooner did I do this, than their fun knew no + bounds, and some almost screamed aloud, in the excess of their merriment; + just at this instant the Colonel, who had been examining some of the men, + approached our group, advancing with an air of evident displeasure, as the + shouts of loud laughter continued. As he came up, I turned hastily round, + and touching my cap, wished him good morning. Never shall I forget the + look he gave me. If a glance could have annihilated any man, his would + have finished me. For a moment his face became purple with rage, his eye + was almost hid beneath his bent brow, and he absolutely shook with + passion. + </p> + <p> + "Go, Sir," said he at length, as soon as he was able to find utterance for + his words; "Go, sir, to your quarters; and before you leave them, a + court-martial shall decide, if such continued insult to your commanding + officer, warrants your name being in the Army List." + </p> + <p> + "What the devil can all this mean?" I said, in a half-whisper, turning to + the others. But there they stood, their handkerchiefs to their mouths, and + evidently choking with suppressed laughter. + </p> + <p> + "May I beg, Colonel C_____," said I—— + </p> + <p> + "To your quarters, sir," roared the little man, in the voice of a lion. + And with a haughty wave of his hand, prevented all further attempt on my + part to seek explanation. + </p> + <p> + "They're all mad, every man of them," I muttered, as I betook byself + slowly back to my rooms, amid the same evidences of mirth my first + appearance had excited—which even the Colonel's presence, feared as + he was, could not entirely subdue. + </p> + <p> + With the air of a martyr I trod heavily up the stairs, and entered my + quarters, meditating within myself, awful schemes for vengeance, on the + now open tyranny of my Colonel; upon whom, I too, in my honest rectitude + of heart, vowed to have "a court-martial." I threw myself upon a chair, + and endeavoured to recollect what circumstance of the past evening could + have possibly suggested all the mirth in which both officers and men + seemed to participate equally; but nothing could I remember, capable of + solving the mystery,—surely the cruel wrongs of the manly Othello + were no laughter-moving subject. + </p> + <p> + I rang the bell hastily for my servant. The door opened. + </p> + <p> + "Stubbes," said I, "are you aware"—— + </p> + <p> + I had only got so far in my question, when my servant, one of the most + discreet of men, put on a broad grin, and turned away towards the door to + hide his face. + </p> + <p> + "What the devil does this mean?" said I, stamping with passion; "he is as + bad as the rest. Stubbes," and this I spoke with the most grave and severe + tone, "what is the meaning of the insolence?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, sir," said the man; "Oh, sir, surely you did not appear on parade + with that face?" and then he burst into a fit of the most uncontrollable + laughter. + </p> + <p> + Like lightning a horrid doubt shot across my mind. I sprung over to the + dressing-glass, which had been replaced, and oh: horror of horrors! There + I stood as black as the king of Ashantee. The cursed dye which I had put + on for Othello, I had never washed off,—and there with a huge + bear-skin shako, and a pair of black, bushy whiskers, shone my huge, + black, and polished visage, glowering at itself in the looking-glass. + </p> + <p> + My first impulse, after amazement had a little subsided, was to laugh + immoderately; in this I was joined by Stubbes, who, feeling that his mirth + was participated in, gave full vent to his risibility. And, indeed, as I + stood before the glass, grinning from ear to ear, I felt very little + surprise that my joining in the laughter of my brother officers, a short + time before, had caused an increase of their merriment. I threw myself + upon a sofa, and absolutely laughed till my sides ached, when, the door + opening, the adjutant made his appearance. He looked for a moment at me, + then at Stubbes, and then burst out himself, as loud as either of us. When + he had at length recovered himself, he wiped his face with his + handkerchief, and said, with a tone of much gravity:— + </p> + <p> + "But, my dear Lorrequer, this will be a serious—a devilish serious + affair. You know what kind of man Colonel C____ is; and you are aware, + too, you are not one of his prime favourites. He is firmly convinced that + you intended to insult him, and nothing will convince him to the contrary. + We told him how it must have occurred, but he will listen to no + explanation." + </p> + <p> + I thought for one second before I replied, my mind, with the practised + rapidity of an old campaigner, took in all the pros and cons of the case; + I saw at a glance, it were better to brave the anger of the Colonel, come + in what shape it might, than be the laughing-stock of the mess for life, + and with a face of the greatest gravity and self-possession, said, + </p> + <p> + "Well, adjutant, the Colonel is right. It was no mistake! You know I sent + him tickets yesterday for the theatre. Well, he returned them; this did + not annoy me, but on one account, I had made a wager with Alderman + Gullable, that the Colonel should see me in Othello—what was to be + done? Don't you see, now, there was only one course, and I took it, old + boy, and have won my bet!" + </p> + <p> + "And lost your commission for a dozen of champagne, I suppose," said the + adjutant. + </p> + <p> + "Never mind, my dear fellow," I repled; "I shall get out of this scrape, + as I have done many others." + </p> + <p> + "But what do you intend doing?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, as to that," said I, "I shall, of course, wait on the Colonel + immediately; pretend to him that it was a mere blunder, from the + inattention of my servant—hand over Stubbes to the powers that + punish, (here the poor fellow winced a little,) and make my peace as well + as I can. But, adjutant, mind," said I, "and give the real version to all + our fellows, and tell them to make it public as much as they please." + </p> + <p> + "Never fear," said he, as he left the room still laughing, "they shall all + know the true story; but I wish with all my heart you were well out of + it." + </p> + <p> + I now lost no time in making my toilet, and presented myself at the + Colonel's quarters. It is no pleasure for me to recount these passages in + my life, in which I have had to hear the "proud man's contumely." I shall + therefore merely observe, that after a very long interview, the Colonel + accepted my apologies, and we parted. + </p> + <p> + Before a week elapsed, the story had gone far and near; every dinner-table + in Cork had laughed at it. As for me, I attained immortal honour for my + tact and courage. Poor Gullable readily agreed to favour the story, and + gave us a dinner as the lost wager, and the Colonel was so unmercifully + quizzed on the subject, and such broad allusions to his being humbugged + were given in the Cork papers, that he was obliged to negociate a change + of quarters with another regiment, to get out of the continual jesting, + and in less than a month we marched to Limerick, to relieve, as it was + reported, the 9th, ordered for foreign service, but, in reality, only to + relieve Lieut.-Colonel C____, quizzed beyond endurance. + </p> + <p> + However, if the Colonel had seemed to forgive, he did not forget, for the + very second week after our arrival in Limerick, I received one morning at + my breakfast-table, the following brief note from our adjutant:— + </p> + <blockquote> + <blockquote> + <p> + "My Dear Lorrequer—The Colonel has received orders to despatch + two companies to some remote part of the county Clare; as you have + 'done the state some service,' you are selected for the beautiful town + of Kilrush, where, to use the eulogistic language of the geography + books, 'there is a good harbour, and a market plentifully supplied + with fish.' I have just heard of the kind intention in store for you, + and lose no time in letting you know. + </p> + <p> + "God give you a good deliverance from the 'garcons lances,' as the + Moniteur calls the Whiteboys, and believe me ever your's, Charles + Curzon." + </p> + </blockquote> + </blockquote> + <p> + I had scarcely twice read over the adjutant's epistle, when I received an + official notification from the Colonel, directing me to proceed to + Kilrush, then and there to afford all aid and assistance in suppressing + illicit distillation, when called on for that purpose; and other similar + duties too agreeable to recapitulate. Alas! Alas! Othello's occupation: + was indeed gone! The next morning at sun-rise saw me on my march, with + what appearance of gaiety I could muster, but in reality very much + chopfallen at my banishment, and invoking sundry things upon the devoted + head of the Colonel, which he would by no means consider as "blessings." + </p> + <p> + How short-sighted are we mortals, whether enjoying all the pump and state + of royalty, or marching like myself at the head of a company of his + Majesty's 4_th. + </p> + <p> + Little, indeed, did I anticipate that the Siberia to which I fancied I was + condemned should turn out the happiest quarters my fate ever threw me + into. But this, including as it does, one of the most important events of + my life, I reserve for another chapter.— + </p> + <p> + "What is that place called, Sergeant?"—"Bunratty Castle, sir," + </p> + <p> + "Where do we breakfast?"—"At Clare Island, sir." + </p> + <p> + "March away, boys!" + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch2" id="ch2"></a>CHAPTER II. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + DETACHMENT DUTY—THE BURTON ARMS—CALLONBY. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + For a week after my arrival at Kilrush, my life was one of the most dreary + monotony. The rain, which had begun to fall as I left Limerick, continued + to descend in torrents, and I found myself a close prisoner in the sanded + parlour of "mine inn." At no time would such "durance vile" have been + agreeable; but now, when I contrasted it with all I had left behind at + head quarters, it was absolutely maddening. The pleasant lounge in the + morning, the social mess, and the agreeable evening party, were all + exchanged for a short promenade of fourteen feet in one direction, and + twelve in the other, such being the accurate measurement of my "salle a + manger." A chicken, with legs as blue as a Highlander's in winter, for my + dinner; and the hours that all Christian mankind were devoting to pleasant + intercourse, and agreeable chit-chat, spent in beating that dead-march to + time, "the Devil's Tattoo," upon my ricketty table, and forming, between + whiles, sundry valorous resolutions to reform my life, and "eschew sack + and loose company." + </p> + <p> + My front-window looked out upon a long, straggling, ill-paved street, with + its due proportion of mud-heaps, and duck pools; the houses on either side + were, for the most part, dingy-looking edifices, with half-doors, and such + pretension to being shops as a quart of meal, or salt, displayed in the + window, confers; or sometimes two tobacco-pipes, placed "saltier-wise," + would appear the only vendible article in the establishment. A more + wretched, gloomy-looking picture of woe-begone poverty, I never beheld. + </p> + <p> + If I turned for consolation to the back of the house, my eyes fell upon + the dirty yard of a dirty inn; the half-thatched cow-shed, where two + famished animals mourned their hard fate,—"chewing the cud of sweet + and bitter fancy;" the chaise, the yellow post-chaise, once the pride and + glory of the establishment, now stood reduced from its wheels, and + ignominiously degraded to a hen-house; on the grass-grown roof a cock had + taken his stand, with an air of protective patronage to the feathered + inhabitants beneath: <br /> "To what base uses must we come at last." <br /> + </p> + <p> + That chaise, which once had conveyed the blooming bride, all blushes and + tenderness, and the happy groom, on their honeymoon visit to Ballybunion + and its romantic caves, or to the gigantic cliffs and sea-girt shores of + Moher—or with more steady pace and becoming gravity had borne along + the "going judge of assize,"—was now become a lying-in hospital for + fowl, and a nursery for chickens. Fallen as I was myself from my high + estate, it afforded me a species of malicious satisfaction to contemplate + these sad reverses of fortune; and I verily believe—for on such + slight foundation our greatest resolves are built—that if the rain + had continued a week longer, I should have become a misanthropist for + life. I made many inquiries from my landlady as to the society of the + place, but the answers I received only led to greater despondence. My + predecessor here, it seemed, had been an officer of a veteran battalion, + with a wife, and that amount of children which is algebraically expressed + by an X (meaning an unknown quantity). He, good man, in his two years' + sojourn here, had been much more solicitous about his own affairs, than + making acquaintance with his neighbours; and at last, the few persons who + had been in the habit of calling on "the officer," gave up the practice; + and as there were no young ladies to refresh Pa's memory on the matter, + they soon forgot completely that such a person existed—and to this + happy oblivion I, Harry Lorrequer, succeeded, and was thus left without + benefit of clergy to the tender mercies of Mrs. Healy of the Burton arms. + </p> + <p> + As during the inundation which deluged the whole country around I was + unable to stir from the house, I enjoyed abundant opportunity of + cultivating the acquaintance of my hostess, and it is but fair that my + reader, who has journeyed so far with me, should have an introduction. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Healy, the sole proprietor of the "Burton Arms," was of some five and + fifty—"or by'r lady," three score years, of a rubicund and hale + complexion; and though her short neck and corpulent figure might have set + her down as "doubly hazardous," she looked a good life for many years to + come. In height and breadth she most nearly resembled a sugar-hogshead, + whose rolling, pitching motion, when trundled along on edge, she emulated + in her gait. To the ungainliness of her figure her mode of dressing not a + little contributed. She usually wore a thick linsey-wolsey gown, with + enormous pockets on either side, and, like Nora Creina's, it certainly + inflicted no undue restrictions upon her charms, but left "Every beauty + free,<br /> To sink or swell as heaven pleases."<br /> + </p> + <p> + Her feet—ye gods! Such feet—were apparelled in listing + slippers, over which the upholstery of her ancles descended, and + completely relieved the mind of the spectator as to the superincumbent + weight being disproportioned to the support; I remember well my first + impression on seeing those feet and ancles reposing upon a straw + footstool, while she took her afternoon dose, and I wondered within myself + if elephants were liable to the gout. There are few countenances in the + world, that if wishing to convey an idea of, we cannot refer to some + well-known standard; and thus nothing is more common than to hear + comparisons with "Vulcan—Venus—Nicodemus," and the like; but + in the present case, I am totally at a loss for any thing resembling the + face of the worth Mrs. Healy, except it be, perhaps, that most ancient and + sour visage we used to see upon old circular iron rappers formerly—they + make none of them now—the only difference being, that Mrs. Healy's + nose had no ring through it; I am almost tempted to add, "more's the + pity." + </p> + <p> + Such was she in "the flesh;" would that I could say, she was more + fascinating in the "spirit!" but alas, truth, from which I never may + depart in these "my confessions," constrains me to acknowledge the + reverse. Most persons in this miserable world of ours, have some + prevailing, predominating characteristic, which usually gives the tone and + colour to all their thoughts and actions, forming what we denominate + temperament; this we see actuating them, now more, now less; but rarely, + however, is this great spring of action without its moments of repose. Not + so with her of whom I have been speaking. She had but one passion—but, + like Aaron's rod, it had a most consuming tendency—and that was to + scold, and abuse, all whom hard fate had brought within the unfortunate + limits of her tyranny. The English language, comprehensive as it is, + afforded not epithets strong enough for her wrath, and she sought among + the more classic beauties of her native Irish, such additional ones as + served her need, and with this holy alliance of tongues, she had been for + years long, the dread and terror of the entire village. + </p> + <p> + "The dawning of morn, the day-light sinking," ay, and even the "night's + dull hours," it was said, too, found her labouring in her congenial + occupation; and while thus she continued to "scold and grow fat," her inn, + once a popular and frequented one, became gradually less and less + frequented, and the dragon of the Rhine-fells did not more effectually lay + waste the territory about him, than did the evil influence of her tongue + spread desolation and ruin around her. Her inn, at the time of my visit, + had not been troubled with even a passing traveller for many months; and, + indeed, if I had any, even the least foreknowledge of the character of my + hostess, its privacy should have still remained uninvaded for some time + longer. + </p> + <p> + I had not been many hours installed, when I got a specimen of her powers; + and before the first week was over, so constant and unremitting were her + labours in this way, that I have upon the occasion of a slight lull in the + storm, occasioned by her falling asleep, actually left my room to inquire + if anything had gone wrong, in the same was as the miller is said to + awake, if the mill stops. I trust I have said enough, to move the reader's + pity and compassion for my situation—one more miserable it is + difficult to conceive. It may be though that much might be done by + management, and that a slight exercise of the favourite Whig plan of + concilliation, might avail. Nothing of the kind. She was proof against all + such arts; and what was still worse, there was no subject, no possible + circumstance, no matter, past, present, or to come, that she could not + wind by her diabolical ingenuity, into some cause of offence; and then + came the quick transition to instant punishment. Thus, my apparently + harmless inquiry as to the society of the neighbourhood, suggested to her—a + wish on my part to make acquaintance—therefore to dine out—therefore + not to dine at home—consequently to escape paying half-a-crown and + devouring a chicken—therefore to defraud her, and behave, as she + would herself observe, "like a beggarly scullion, with his four shillings + a day, setting up for a gentleman," + </p> + <p> + By a quiet and Job-like endurance of all manner of taunting suspicions, + and unmerited sarcasms, to which I daily became more reconciled, I + absolutely rose into something like favour; and before the first month of + my banishment expired, had got the length of an invitation to tea, in her + own snuggery—an honour never known to be bestowed on any before, + with the exception of Father Malachi Brennan, her ghostly adviser; and + even he, it is said, never ventured on such an approximation to intimacy, + until he was, in Kilrush phrase, "half screwed," thereby meaning more than + half tipsy. From time to time thus, I learned from my hostess such + particulars of the country and its inhabitants as I was desirous of + hearing; and among other matters, she gave me an account of the great + landed proprietor himself, Lord Callonby, who was daily expected at his + seat, within some miles of Kilrush, at the same time assuring me that I + need not be looking so "pleased and curling out my whiskers;" "that they'd + never take the trouble of asking even the name of me." This, though + neither very courteous, nor altogether flattering to listen to, was no + more than I had already learned from some brother officers who knew this + quarter, and who informed me that the Earl of Callonby, though only + visiting his Irish estates every three or four years, never took the + slightest notice of any of the military in his neighbourhood; nor, indeed + did he mix with the country gentry, confining himself to his own family, + or the guests, who usually accompanied him from England, and remained + during his few weeks' stay. My impression of his lordship was therefore + not calculated to cheer my solitude by any prospect of his rendering it + lighter. + </p> + <p> + The Earl's family consisted of her ladyship, an only son, nearly of age, + and two daughters; the eldest, Lady Jane, had the reputation of being + extremely beautiful; and I remembered when she came out in London, only + the year before, hearing nothing but praises of the grace and elegance of + her manner, united to the most classic beauty of her face and figure. The + second daughter was some years younger, and said to be also very handsome; + but as yet she had not been brought into society. Of the son, Lord Kilkee, + I only heard that he had been a very gay fellow at Oxford, where he was + much liked, and although not particularly studious, had given evidence of + talent. + </p> + <p> + Such were the few particulars I obtained of my neighbours, and thus little + did I know of those who were so soon to exercise a most important + influence upon my future life. + </p> + <p> + After some weeks' close confinement, which, judging from my feelings + alone, I should have counted as many years, I eagerly seized the + opportunity of the first glimpse of sunshine to make a short excursion + along the coast; I started early in the morning, and after a long stroll + along the bold headlands of Kilkee, was returning late in the evening to + my lodgings. My path lay across a wild, bleak moor, dotted with low clumps + of furze, and not presenting on any side the least trace of habitation. In + wading through the tangled bushes, my dog "Mouche" started a hare; and + after a run "sharp, short, and decisive," killed it at the bottom of a + little glen some hundred yards off. + </p> + <p> + I was just patting my dog, and examining the prize, when I heard a + crackling among the low bushes near me; and on looking up, perceived, + about twenty paces distant, a short, thick-set man, whose fustian jacket + and leathern gaiters at once pronounced him the gamekeeper; he stood + leaning upon his gun, quietly awaiting, as it seemed, for any movement on + my part, before he interfered. With one glance I detected how matters + stood, and immediately adopting my usual policy of "taking the bull by the + horns," called out, in a tone of very sufficient authority, + </p> + <p> + "I say, my man, are you his lordship's gamekeeper?" + </p> + <p> + Taking off his hat, the man approached me, and very respectfully informed + me that he was. + </p> + <p> + "Well then," said I, "present this hare to his lordship with my respects; + here is my card, and say I shall be most happy to wait on him in the + morning, and explain the circumstance." + </p> + <p> + The man took the card, and seemed for some moments undecided how to act; + he seemed to think that probably he might be ill-treating a friend of his + lordship's if he refused; and on the other hand might be merely "jockeyed" + by some bold-faced poacher. Meanwhile I whistled my dog close up, and + humming an air, with great appearance of indifference, stepped out + homeward. By this piece of presence of mind I saved poor "Mouche;" for I + saw at a glance, that, with true gamekeeper's law, he had been destined to + death the moment he had committed the offence. + </p> + <p> + The following morning, as I sat at breakfast, meditating upon the events + of the preceding day, and not exactly determined how to act, whether to + write to his lordship explaining how the matter occurred, or call + personally, a loud rattling on the pavement drew me to the window. As the + house stood at the end of a street, I could not see in the direction the + noise came; but as I listened, a very handsome tandem turned the corner of + the narrow street, and came along towards the hotel at a long, sling trot; + the horses were dark chestnuts, well matched, and shewing a deal of blood. + The carriage was a dark drab, with black wheels; the harness all of the + same colour. The whole turn-out—and I was an amateur of that sort of + thing—was perfect; the driver, for I come to him last, as he was the + last I looked at, was a fashionable looking young fellow, plainly, but + knowingly, dressed, and evidently handling the "ribbon," like an + experienced whip. + </p> + <p> + After bringing his nags up to the inn door in very pretty style, he gave + the reins to his servant, and got down. Before I was well aware of it, the + door of my room opened, and the gentleman entered with a certain easy air + of good breeding, and saying, + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Lorrequer, I presume—" introduced himself as Lord Kilkee. + </p> + <p> + I immediately opened the conversation by an apology for my dog's + misconduct on the day before, and assured his lordship that I knew the + value of a hare in a hunting country, and was really sorry for the + circumstance. + </p> + <p> + "Then I must say," replied his lordship, "Mr. Lorrequer is the only person + who regrets the matter; for had it not been for this, it is more than + probable we should never have known we were so near neighbours; in fact, + nothing could equal our amazement at hearing you were playing the 'Solitaire' + down here. You must have found it dreadfully heavy, 'ad have thought us + downright savages.' But then I must explain to you, that my father has + made some 'rule absolute' about visiting when down here. And though I know + you'll not consider it a compliment, yet I can assure you there is not + another man I know of he would pay attention to, but yourself. He made two + efforts to get here this morning, but the gout 'would not be denied,' and + so he deputed a most inferior 'diplomate;' and now will you let me return + with some character from my first mission, and inform my friends that you + will dine with us to-day at seven—a mere family party; but make your + arrangements to stop all night and to-morrow: we shall find some work for + my friend there on the hearth; what do you call him, Mr. Lorrequer?" + </p> + <p> + "'Mouche'—come here, 'Mouche.'" + </p> + <p> + "Ah 'Mouche,' come here, my fine fellow—a splendid dog, indeed; very + tall for a thorough-bred; and now you'll not forget, seven, 'temps + militaire,' and so, sans adieu." + </p> + <p> + And with these words his lordship shook me heartily by the hand; and + before two minutes had elapsed, had wrapped his box-coat once more across + him, and was round the corner. + </p> + <p> + I looked for a few moments on the again silent street, and was almost + tempted to believe I was in a dream, so rapidly had the preceding moments + passed over; and so surprised was I to find that the proud Earl of + Callonby, who never did the "civil thing" any where, should think proper + to pay attention to a poor sub in a marching regiment, whose only claim on + his acquaintance was the suspicion of poaching on his manor. I repeated + over and over all his lordship's most polite speeches, trying to solve the + mystery of them; but in vain: a thousand explanations occurred, but none + of them I felt at all satisfactory; that there was some mystery somewhere, + I had no doubt; for I remarked all through that Lord Kilkee laid some + stress upon my identity, and even seemed surprised at my being is such + banishment. "Oh," thought I at last, "his lordship is about to get up + private theatricals, and has seen my Captain Absolute, or perhaps my + Hamlet"—I could not say "Othello" even to myself—"and is + anxious to get 'such unrivalled talent' even 'for one night only.'" + </p> + <p> + After many guesses this seemed the nearest I could think of; and by the + time I had finished my dressing for dinner, it was quite clear to me I had + solved all the secret of his lordship's attentions. + </p> + <p> + The road to "Callonby" was beautiful beyond any thing I had ever seen in + Ireland. For upwards of two miles it led along the margin of the lofty + cliffs of Moher, now jutting out into bold promontories, and again + retreating, and forming small bays and mimic harbours, into which the + heavy swell of the broad Atlantic was rolling its deep blue tide. The + evening was perfectly calm, and at a little distance from the shore the + surface of the sea was without a ripple. The only sound breaking the + solemn stillness of the hour, was the heavy plash of the waves, as in + minute peals they rolled in upon the pebbly beach, and brought back with + them at each retreat, some of the larger and smoother stones, whose noise, + as they fell back into old ocean's bed, mingled with the din of the + breaking surf. In one of the many little bays I passed, lay three or four + fishing smacks. The sails were drying, and flapped lazily against the + mast. I could see the figures of the men as they passed backwards and + forwards upon the decks, and although the height was nearly eight hundred + feet, could hear their voices quite distinctly. Upon the golden strand, + which was still marked with a deeper tint, where the tide had washed, + stood a little white cottage of some fisherman—at least, so the net + before the door bespoke it. Around it, stood some children, whose merry + voices and laughing tones sometimes reached me where I was standing. I + could not but think, as I looked down from my lofty eyrie, upon that + little group of boats, and that lone hut, how much of the "world" to the + humble dweller beneath, lay in that secluded and narrow bay. There, the + deep sea, where their days were passed in "storm or sunshine,"—there, + the humble home, where at night they rested, and around whose hearth lay + all their cares and all their joys. How far, how very far removed from the + busy haunts of men, and all the struggles and contentions of the ambitious + world; and yet, how short-sighted to suppose that even they had not their + griefs and sorrows, and that their humble lot was devoid of the + inheritance of those woes, which all are heirs to. + </p> + <p> + I turned reluctantly, from the sea-shore to enter the gate of the park, + and my path in a few moments was as completely screened from all prospect + of the sea, as though it had lain miles inland. An avenue of tall and + ancient lime trees, so dense in their shadows as nearly to conceal the + road beneath, led for above a mile through a beautiful lawn, whose + surface, gently undulating, and studded with young clumps, was dotted over + with sheep. At length, descending by a very steep road, I reached a + beautiful little stream, over which a rustic bridge was thrown. As I + looked down upon the rippling stream beneath, on the surface of which the + dusky evening flies were dipping, I made a resolve, if I prospered in his + lordship's good graces, to devote a day to the "angle" there, before I + left the country. It was now growing late, and remember Lord Kilkee's + intimation of "sharp seven," I threw my reins over my cob, "Sir Roger's" + neck, (for I had hitherto been walking,) and cantered up the steep hill + before me. When I reached the top, I found myself upon a broad table land, + encircled by old and well-grown timber, and at a distance, most tastefully + half concealed by ornamental planting, I could catch some glimpse of + Callonby. Before, however, I had time to look about me, I heard the tramp + of horses' feet behind, and in another moment two ladies dashed up the + steep behind, and came towards me, at a smart gallop, followed by a groom, + who, neither himself nor his horse, seemed to relish the pace of his fair + mistresses. I moved off the road into the grass to permit them to pass; + but no sooner had they got abreast of me, than Sir Roger, anxious for a + fair start, flung up both heels at once, pricked up his ears, and with a + plunge that very nearly threw me from the saddle, set off at top speed. My + first thought was for the ladies beside me, and, to my utter horror, I now + saw them coming along in full gallop; their horses had got off the road, + and were, to my thinking, become quite unmanageable. I endeavoured to pull + up, but all in vain. Sir Roger had got the bit between his teeth, a + favourite trick of his, and I was perfectly powerless to hold him by this + time, they being mounted on thoroughbreds, got a full neck before me, and + the pace was now tremendous, on we all came, each horse at his utmost + stretch; they were evidently gaining from the better stride of their + cattle, and will it be believed, or shall I venture to acknowledge it in + these my confessions, that I, who a moment before, would have given my + best chance of promotion, to be able to pull in my horse, would now have + "pledged my dukedom" to be able to give Sir Roger one cut of the whip + unobserved. I leave it to the wise to decipher the rationale, but such is + the fact. It was complete steeple-chasing, and my blood was up. + </p> + <p> + On we came, and I now perceived that about two hundred yards before me + stood an iron gate and piers, without any hedge or wall on either side; + before I could conjecture the meaning of so strange a thing in the midst + of a large lawn, I saw the foremost horse, now two or three lengths before + the other, still in advance of me, take two or three short strides, and + fly about eight feet over a sunk fence—the second followed in the + same style, the riders sitting as steadily as in the gallop. It was now my + turn, and I confess, as I neared the dyke, I heartily wished myself well + over it, for the very possibility of a "mistake" was maddening. Sir Roger + came on at a slapping pace, and when within two yards of the brink, rose + to it, and cleared it like a deer. By the time I had accomplished this + feat, not the less to my satisfaction, that both ladies had turned in the + saddles to watch me, they were already far in advance; they held on still + at the same pace, round a small copse which concealed them an instant from + my view, and which, when I passed, I perceived that they had just reached + the hall door, and were dismounting. + </p> + <p> + On the steps stood a tall, elderly-looking, gentleman-like person, who I + rightly conjectured was his lordship. I heard him laughing heartily as I + came up. I at last succeeded in getting Sir Roger to a canter, and when + about twenty yards from where the group were standing, sprung off, and + hastened up to make my apologies as I best might, for my unfortunate + runaway. I was fortunately spared this awkwardness of an explanation, for + his lordship, approaching me with his hand extended, said— + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Lorrequer is most welcome at Callonby. I cannot be mistaken, I am + sure—I have the pleasure of addressing the nephew of my old friend, + Sir Guy Lorrequer of Elton. I am indeed most happy to see you, and not the + less so, that you are safe and sound, which, five minutes since, I assure + you I had my fears for—" + </p> + <p> + Before I could assure his lordship that my fears were all for my + competitors in the race—for such in reality they were—he + introduced me to the two ladies, who were still standing beside him—"Lady + Jane Callonby; Mr. Lorrequer; Lady Catherine." + </p> + <p> + "Which of you, young ladies, may I ask, planned this escapade, for I see + by your looks, it was no accident?" + </p> + <p> + "I think, papa," said Lady Jane, "you must question Mr. Lorrequer on that + head; he certainly started first." + </p> + <p> + "I confess, indeed," said I, "such was the case." + </p> + <p> + "Well, you must confess, too, you were distanced," said Lady Jane, at the + same time, most terribly provoked, to be quizzed on such a matter; that I, + a steeple-chase horseman of the first water, should be twitted by a couple + of young ladies, on the score of a most manly exercise. "But come," said + his lordship, "the first bell has rung long since, and I am longing to ask + Mr. Lorrequer all about my old college friend of forty years ago. So, + ladies, hasten your toilet, I beseech you." + </p> + <p> + With these words, his lordship, taking my arm, led me into the + drawing-room, where we had not been many minutes till we were joined by + her ladyship, a tall stately handsome woman, of a certain age; resolutely + bent upon being both young and beautiful, in spite of time and wrinkles; + her reception of me, though not possessing the frankness of his lordship, + was still very polite, and intended to be even gracious. I now found by + the reiterated inquiries for my old uncle, Sir Guy, that he it was, and + not Hamlet, to whom I owed my present notice, and I must include it among + my confessions, that it was about the first advantage I ever derived from + the relationship. After half an hour's agreeable chatting, the ladies + entered, and then I had time to remark the extreme beauty of their + appearance; they were both wonderfully like, and except that Lady Jane was + taller and more womanly, it would have been almost impossible to + discriminate between them. + </p> + <p> + Lady Jane Callonby was then about twenty years of age, rather above the + middle size, and slightly disposed towards embonpoint; her eye was of the + deepest and most liquid blue, and rendered apparently darker, by long + lashes of the blackest jet—for such was the colour of her hair; her + nose slightly, but slightly, deviated from the straightness of the Greek, + and her upper lip was faultless, as were her mouth and chin; the whole + lower part of the face, from the perfect "chiselling," and from the + character of her head, had certainly a great air of hauteur, but the + extreme melting softness of her eyes took from this, and when she spoke, + there was a quiet earnestness in her mild and musical voice, that disarmed + you at once of connecting the idea of self with the speaker; the word + "fascinating," more than any other I know of, conveys the effect of her + appearance, and to produce it, she had more than any other woman I ever + met, that wonderful gift, the "l'art de plaire." + </p> + <p> + I was roused from my perhaps too earnest, because unconscious gaze, at the + lovely figure before me, by his Lordship saying, "Mr. Lorrequer, her + Ladyship is waiting for you." I accordingly bowed, and, offering my arm, + led her into the dinner-room. And here I draw rein for the present, + reserving for my next chapter—My Adventure at Callonby. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch3" id="ch3"></a>CHAPTER III. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + LIFE AT CALLONBY—LOVE-MAKING—MISS O'DOWD'S ADVENTURE. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + My first evening at Callonby passed off as nearly all first evenings do + every where. His lordship was most agreeable, talked much of my uncle, Sir + Guy, whose fag he had been at Eton half a century before, promised me some + capital shooting in his preserves, discussed the state of politics; and, + as the second decanter of port "waned apace," grew wondrous confidential, + and told me of his intention to start his son for the county at the next + general election, such being the object which had now conferred the honour + of his presence on his Irish estates. + </p> + <p> + Her ladyship was most condescendingly civil, vouchsafed much tender + commiseration for my "exile," as she termed my quarters in Kilrush; + wondered how I could possibly exist in a marching regiment, (who had never + been in the cavalry in my life!) Spoke quite feelingly on my kindness in + joining their stupid family party, for they were living, to use her own + phrase, "like hermits;" and wound up all by a playful assurance that as + she perceived, from all my answers, that I was bent on preserving a strict + incognito, she would tell no tales about me on her return to "Town." Now, + it may readily be believed, that all this, and many more of her ladyship's + allusions, were a "Chaldee manuscript" to me; that she knew certain facts + of my family and relations, was certain; but that she had interwoven in + the humble web of my history, a very pretty embroidery of fiction was + equally so; and while she thus ran on, with innumerable allusions to Lady + Marys and Lord Johns, who she pretended to suppose were dying to hear from + me, I could not help muttering to myself with good Christopher Sly, "And + all this be true—then Lord be thanked for my good amends;" for up to + that moment I was an ungrateful man for all this high and noble + solicitude. One dark doubt shot for an instant across my brain. Maybe her + ladyship had "registered a vow" never to syllable a name unchronicled by + Debrett, or was actually only mystifying me for mere amusement. A minute's + consideration dispelled this fear; for I found myself treated "en + Seigneur" by the whole family. As for the daughters of the house, nothing + could possibly be more engaging than their manner. The eldest, Lady Jane, + was pleased from my near relationship to her father's oldest friend to + receive me, "from the first," on the most friendly footing; while, with + the younger, Lady Catherine, from her being less 'maniere' than her + sister, my progress was even greater; and thus, before we separated for + the night, I contrived to "take up my position" in such a fashion, as to + be already looked upon as one of the family party, to which object, Lord + and indeed Lady Callonby seemed most willing to contribute, and made me + promise to spend the entire of the following day at Callonby, and as many + of the succeeding ones as my military duties would permit. + </p> + <p> + As his lordship was wishing me "good night" at the door of the + drawing-room, he said, in a half whisper, + </p> + <p> + "We were ignorant yesterday, Mr. Lorrequer, how soon we should have had + the pleasure of seeing you here; and you are therefore condemned to a + small room off the library, it being the only one we can insure you as + being well aired. I must therefore apprize you that you are not to be + shocked at finding yourself surrounded by every member of my family, hung + up in frames around you. But as the room is usually my own snuggery, I + have resigned it without any alteration whatever." + </p> + <p> + The apartment for which his lordship had so strongly apologized, stood in + very pleasing contrast to my late one in Kilrush. The soft Persian carpet, + on which one's feet sank to the very ankles; the brightly polished dogs, + upon which a blazing wood fire burned; the well upholstered fauteuils + which seemed to invite sleep without the trouble of lying down for it; and + last of all, the ample and luxurious bed, upon whose rich purple hangings + the ruddy glare of the fire threw a most mellow light, was all a pleasing + exchange for the "garniture" of the "Hotel Healy." + </p> + <p> + "Certes, Harry Lorrequer," said I, as I threw myself upon a small ottoman + before the fire in all the slippered ease, and abandon of a man who has + changed a dress-coat for a morning-gown; "Certes, thou art destined for + great things; even here, where fate had seemed 'to do its worst' to thee, + a little paradise opens, and what, to ordinary mortals had proved but a + 'flat, stale, and most unprofitable' quarter, presents to thee all the + accumulated delight of a hospitable mansion, a kind, almost friendly, + host, a condescending Madame Mere, and daughters too! Ah ye Gods! But what + is this;" and here, for the first time, lifting up my eyes, I perceived a + beautiful water-colour drawing in the style of "Chalon," which was placed + above the chimney-piece. I rose at once, and taking a candle, proceeded to + examine it more minutely. It was a portrait of Lady Jane, a full-length + too, and wonderfully like; there was more complexion, and perhaps more + roundness in the figure than her present appearance would justify; but if + any thing was gained in brilliancy, it was certainly lost in point of + expression; and I infinitely preferred her pale, but beautifully fair + countenance, to the rosy cheek of the picture; the figure was faultless; + the same easy grace, the result of perfect symmetry and refinement + together, which only one in a thousand of even handsome girls possess, was + pourtrayed to the life. The more I looked, the more I felt charmed with + it. Never had I seen any thing so truly characteristic as this sketch, for + it was scarcely more. It was after nearly an hour's quiet contemplation, + that I began to remember the lateness of the night; an hour, in which my + thoughts had rambled from the lovely object before me, to wonder at the + situation in which I found myself placed; for there was so much of + "empressement" towards me, in the manner of every member of the family, + coupled with certain mistakes as to my habits and acquaintances, as left + me perfectly unable to unravel the mystery which so evidently surrounded + me. "Perhaps," thought I, "Sir Guy has written in my behalf to his + lordship. Oh, he would never do any thing half so civil. Well, to be sure, + I shall astonish them at head quarters; they'll not believe this. I wonder + if Lady Jane saw my 'Hamlet;' for they landed in Cork from Bristol about + that time. She is indeed a most beautiful girl. I wish I were a marquis, + if it were only for her sake. Well, my Lord Callonby, you may be a very + wise man in the House of Lords; but, I would just ask, is it exactly + prudent to introduce into your family on terms of such perfect intimacy, a + young, fascinating, well-looking fellow, of four-and-twenty, albeit only a + subaltern, with two such daughters as you have? Peut etre! One thing is + certain—I have no cause of complaint; and so, good night, Lady Jane"—and + with those words I fell asleep, to dream of the deepest blue eyes, and the + most melting tones that ever reduced a poor lieutenant in a marching + regiment to curse his fate, that he could not call the Commander of the + Forces his father. + </p> + <p> + When I descended to the breakfast-room, I found the whole family assembled + in a group around Lord Kilkee, who had just returned from a distant part + of the county, where he had been canvassing the electors, and spouting + patriotism the day before. He was giving an account of his progress with + much spirit and humour as I entered, but, on seeing me, immediately came + forward, and shook hands with me like an old acquaintance. By Lord + Callonby and the ladies I was welcomed also with much courtesy and + kindness, and some slight badinage passed upon my sleeping, in what Lord + Kilkee called the "Picture Gallery," which, for all I knew to the + contrary, contained but one fair portrait. I am not a believer in Mesmer; + but certainly there must have been some influence at work—very like + what we hear of "magnetism"—for before the breakfast was concluded, + there seemed at once to spring up a perfect understanding between this + family and myself, which made me feel as much 'chez moi', as I had ever + done in my life; and from that hour I may date an intimacy which every + succeeding day but served to increase. + </p> + <p> + After breakfast Lord Callonby consigned me to the guidance of his son, and + we sallied forth to deal destruction amongst the pheasants, with which the + preserves were stocked; and here I may observe, 'en passant', that with + the single exception of fox-hunting, which was ever a passion with me, I + never could understand that inveterate pursuit of game to which some men + devote themselves—thus, grouse-shooting, and its attendant + pleasures, of stumping over a boggy mountain from day-light till dark, + never had much attraction for me; and, as to the delights of widgeon and + wild-duck shooting, when purchased by sitting up all night in a barrel, + with your eye to the bung, I'll none of it—no, no! Give me shooting + or angling merely as a divertimento, a pleasant interlude between + breakfast and luncheon-time, when, consigning your Manton to a corner, and + the game keeper "to the dogs," you once more humanize your costume to take + a canter with the daughters of the house; or, if the day look loweringly, + a match of billiards with the men. + </p> + <p> + I have ever found that the happiest portions of existence are the most + difficult to chronicle. We may—nay, we must, impart our miseries and + annoyances to our many "dear friends," whose forte is sympathy or + consolation—and all men are eloquent on the subject of their woes; + not so with their joys: some have a miser-like pleasure in hoarding them + up for their own private gratification; others—and they are prudent—feel + that the narrative is scarcely agreeable even to their best friends; and a + few, of whom I confess myself one, are content to be happy without knowing + why, and to have pleasant souvenirs, without being able to explain them. + </p> + <p> + Such must be my apology for not more minutely entering upon an account of + my life at Callonby. A fortnight had now seen me 'enfonce', the daily + companion of two beautiful girls in all their walks and rides, through a + romantic, unfrequented country, seeing but little of the other members of + the family; the gentlemen being entirely occupied by their election + tactics, and Lady Callonby being a late riser, seldom appeared before the + dinner hour. There was not a cliff upon the bold and rocky coast we did + not climb, not a cave upon the pebbly beach unvisited; sometimes my fair + companions would bring a volume of Metastasio down to the little river + where I used to angle; and the "gentle craft" was often abandoned for the + heart-thrilling verses of that delightful poet. Yes, many years have + passed over, and these scenes are still as fresh in my memory as though + they had been of yesterday. In my memory, I say, as for thee "Qui sa si te<br /> + Ti sovrerai di me."<br /> + </p> + <p> + At the end of three weeks the house became full of company, from the + garret to the cellar. Country gentlemen and their wives and daughters came + pouring in, on every species of conveyance known since the flood; family + coaches, which, but for their yellow panels, might have been mistaken for + hearses, and high barouches, the "entree" to which was accomplished by a + step-ladder, followed each other in what appeared a never-ending + succession; and here I may note an instance of the anomalous character of + the conveyances, from an incident to which I was a witness at the time. + </p> + <p> + Among the visitors on the second day came a maiden lady from the + neighbourhood of Ennistimon, Miss Elizabeth O'Dowd, the last of a very old + and highly respectable family in the county, and whose extensive property, + thickly studded with freeholders, was a strong reason for her being paid + every attention in Lord Callonby's power to bestow; Miss Betty O'Dowd—for + so she was generally styled—was the very personification of an old + maid; stiff as a ramrod, and so rigid in observance of the proprieties of + female conduct, that in the estimation of the Clare gentry, Diana was a + hoyden compared to her. + </p> + <p> + Miss Betty lived, as I have said, near Ennistimon, and the road from + thence to Callonby at the time I speak of—it was before Mr. Nimmo—was + a like the bed of a mountain torrent as a respectable highway; there were + holes that would have made a grave for any maiden lady within fifty miles; + and rocks thickly scattered, enough to prove fatal to the strongest wheels + that ever issued from "Hutton's." Miss O'Dowd knew this well; she had upon + one occasion been upset in travelling it—and a slate-coloured silk + dress bore the dye of every species of mud and mire to be found there, for + many a year after, to remind her of her misfortune, and keep open the + wound of her sorrow. When, therefore, the invitation to Callonby arrived, + a grave council of war was summoned, to deliberate upon the mode of + transit, for the honour could not be declined, "coute qui coute." The + chariot was out of the question; Nicholas declared it would never reach + the "Moraan Beg," as the first precipice was called; the inside car was + long since pronounced unfit for hazardous enterprise; and the only + resource left, was what is called in Hibernian parlance, a "low-backed + car," that is, a car without any back whatever; it being neither more nor + less than the common agricultural conveyance of the country, upon which, a + feather bed being laid, the farmers' wives and daughters are generally + conveyed to fairs, wakes, and stations, Putting her dignity, if not in her + pocket, at least wherever it could be most easily accommodated, Miss + O'Dowd placed her fair self, in all the plenitude of her charms and the + grandeur of a "bran new green silk," a "little off the grass, and on the + bottle," (I love to be particular,) upon this humble voiture, and set out + on her way, if not "rejoicing," at least consoled by Nicholas, that "It + 'id be black dark when they reached the house, and the devil a one 'id be + the wiser than if she came in a coach and four." Nicholas was right; it + was perfectly dark on their arrival at Callonby, and Miss O'Dowd having + dismounted, and shook her plumage, a little crumpled by her half-recumbent + position for eight miles, appeared in the drawing-room, to receive the + most courteous attentions from Lady Callonby, and from his lordship the + most flattering speeches for her kindness in risking herself and bringing + her horses on such a dreadful road, and assured her of his getting a + presentment the very next assizes to repair it; "For we intend, Miss + O'Dowd," said he, "to be most troublesome neighbours to you in future." + </p> + <p> + The evening passed off most happily. Miss O'Dowd was delighted with her + hosts, whose character she resolved to maintain in spite of their + reputation for pride and haughtiness. Lady Jane sang an Irish melody for + her, Lady Callonby gave her slips of a rose geranium she got from the + Princess Augusta, and Lord Kilkee won her heart by the performance of that + most graceful step 'yclept "cover the buckle" in an Irish jig. But, alas! + how short-lived is human bliss, for while this estimable lady revelled in + the full enjoyment of the hour, the sword of Damocles hung suspended above + her head; in plain English, she had, on arriving at Callonby, to prevent + any unnecessary scrutiny into the nature of her conveyance, ordered + Nicholas to be at the door punctually at eleven; and then to take an + opportunity of quietly slipping open the drawing-room door, and giving her + an intimation of it, that she might take her leave at once. Nicholas was + up to time, and having disposed the conveyance under the shadow of the + porch, made his way to the door of the drawing-room unseen and unobserved. + He opened it gently and noiselessly, merely sufficient to take a survey of + the apartment, in which, from the glare of the lights, and the busy hum of + voices, he was so bewildered that it was some minutes before he recognized + his mistress. At last he perceived her; she was seated at a card-table, + playing whist with Lord Callonby for her partner. Who the other players + were, he knew not. A proud man was Nicholas, as he saw his mistress thus + placed, actually sitting, as he afterwards expressed it, "forenint the + Lord," but his thoughts were bent on other matters, and it was no time to + indulge his vauntings. + </p> + <p> + He strove for some time patiently, to catch her eye, for she was so + situated as to permit of this, but without success. He then made a slight + attempt to attract her attention by beckoning with his finger; all in + vain. "Oh murther," said he, "what is this for? I'll have to spake afther + all." + </p> + <p> + "Four by honours," said his lordship, "and the odd trick. Another double, + I believe, Miss O'Dowd." + </p> + <p> + Miss O'Dowd nodded a graceful assent, while a sharp-looking old dowager at + the side of the table called out, "a rubber of four on, my Lord;" and now + began an explanation from the whole party at once. Nicholas saw this was + his time, and thought that in the melee, his hint might reach his mistress + unobserved by the remainder of the company. He accordingly protruded his + head into the room, and placing his finger upon the side of his nose, and + shutting one eye knowingly, with an air of great secrecy, whispered out, + "Miss Betty—Miss Betty, alanah!" For some minutes the hum of the + voices drowned his admonitions—but as, by degrees waxing warmer in + the cause, he called out more loudly,—every eye was turned to the + spot from whence these extraordinary sounds proceeded; and certainly the + appearance of Nicholas at the moment was well calculated to astonish the + "elegans" of a drawing room. With his one eye fixed eagerly in the + direction of his mistress, his red scratch wig pushed back off his + forehead, in the eagerness of his endeavour to be heard, there he stood, + perfectly unmindful of all around, save Miss O'Dowd herself. It may well + be believed, that such an apparition could not be witnessed with gravity, + and, accordingly a general titter ran through the room, the whist party + still contending about odd tricks and honours, being the only persons + insensible to the mirth around them—"Miss Betty, arrah, Miss Betty," + said Nicholas with a sigh that converted the subdued laughter of the + guests into a perfect burst of mirth. + </p> + <p> + "Eh," said his lordship, turning round; "what is this? We are losing + something excellent, I fear." + </p> + <p> + At this moment, he caught a glimpse of Nicholas, and, throwing himself + back in this chair, laughed immoderately. It was now Miss Betty's turn; + she was about to rise from the table, when the well-known accents of + Nicholas fell upon her ear. She fell back in her seat—there he was: + the messenger of the foul fiend himself would have been more welcome at + that moment. Her blood rushed to her face and temples; her hands tingled; + she closed her eyes, and when she opened them, there stood the accursed + Nicholas glowering at her still. + </p> + <p> + "Man—man!" said she at length; "what do you mean, what do you want + here?" + </p> + <p> + Poor Nicholas, little guessing that the question was intended to throw a + doubt upon her acquaintance with him, and conceiving that the hour for the + announcement had come, hesitated for an instant how he should designate + the conveyance. He could not call it a coach! It certainly was not a buggy—neither + was it a jaunting car—what should he say—he looked earnestly, + and even imploringly at his mistress, as if to convey some sense of his + difficulty, and then, as it were, catching a sudden inspiration, winked + once more—as he said:— + </p> + <p> + "Miss Betty—the—the—the—," and here he looked + indescribably droll; "the thing, you know, is at the door." + </p> + <p> + All his Lordship's politeness was too little for the occasion, and Miss + O'Dowd's tenantry were lost to the Callonby interest for ever. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch4" id="ch4"></a>CHAPTER IV. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + BOTANICAL STUDIES—THE NATURAL SYSTEM PREFERABLE TO THE LINNEAN. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + <a name="Nicholas_Announcing_Miss_Betty_ODowds_Carriage" + id="Nicholas_Announcing_Miss_Betty_ODowds_Carriage">Nicholas Announcing + Miss Betty O'Dowds Carriage</a> + </h3> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%;"> + <img alt="Ch 04 Nicholas Announcing Carriage.jpg (72K)" + src="images/Ch%2004%20%20Nicholas%20Announcing%20Carriage.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <a href="images2/Ch%2004%20%20Nicholas%20Announcing%20Carriage.jpg">BLACK + AND WHITE IMAGE</a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + "The carriage is at the door, my lord," said a servant, entering the + luncheon-room where we were all assembled. + </p> + <p> + "Now then, Mr. Lorrequer," said Lord Callonby, "allons, take another glass + of wine, and let us away. I expect you to make a most brilliant speech, + remember!" + </p> + <p> + His lordship here alluded to our intention of visiting a remote barony, + where a meeting of the freeholders was that day to be held, and at which I + was pledged for a "neat and appropriate" oration in abuse of the corn laws + and the holy alliance. + </p> + <p> + "I beg pardon, my lord," said her ladyship in a most languishing tone; + "but Mr. Lorrequer is pre-engaged; he has for the last week been promising + and deterring his visit to the new conservatory with me; where he is to + find out four or five of the Swiss shrubs that Collins cannot make out—and + which I am dying to know all about." + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Lorrequer is a false man then," said Lady Catherine, "for he said at + breakfast, that we should devote this afternoon to the chalk caves—as + the tide will be so far out, we can see them all perfectly." + </p> + <p> + "And I," said Lord Kilkee, "must put in my plea, that the aforesaid Mr. + Lorrequer is booked for a coursing match—'Mouche versus Jessie.'—Guilty + or not guilty?" + </p> + <p> + Lady Jane alone of all said not a word. + </p> + <p> + "Guilty on every count of the indictment," said I; "I throw myself on the + mercy of the court." + </p> + <p> + "Let his sentence then be banishment," said Lady Catherine with affected + anger, "and let him go with papa." + </p> + <p> + "I rather think," said Lord Kilkee, "the better plan is to let him visit + the conservatory, for I'd wager a fifty he finds it more difficult to + invent botany, than canvass freeholders; eh?" + </p> + <p> + "I am sure," said Lady Jane, for the first time breaking silence, "that + mamma is infinitely flattered by the proposal that Mr. Lorrequer's company + is to be conferred upon her for his sins." + </p> + <p> + "I am not to be affronted, nor quizzed out of my chaperon; here, Mr. + Lorrequer," said Lady Callonby rising, "get Smith's book there, and let me + have your arm; and now, young ladies, come along, and learn something, if + you can." + </p> + <p> + "An admirable proviso," said Lord Kilkee, laughing; "if his botany be only + as authentic as the autographs he gave Mrs. MacDermot, and all of which he + wrote himself, in my dressing-room, in half an hour. Napoleon was the only + difficult one in the number." + </p> + <p> + Most fortunately this unfair disclosure did not reach her ladyship's ears, + as she was busily engaged putting on her bonnet, and I was yet unassailed + in reputation to her. + </p> + <p> + "Good bye, then," said Lord Callonby; "we meet at seven;" and in a few + moments the little party were scattered to their several destinations. + </p> + <p> + "How very hot you have this place, Collins," said Lady Callonby as we + entered the conservatory. + </p> + <p> + "Only seventy-five, my lady, and the Magnolias require heat." + </p> + <p> + I here dropped a little behind, as if to examine a plant, and in a + half-whisper said to Lady Jane— + </p> + <p> + "How came it that you alone, Lady Jane, should forget I had made another + appointment? I thought you wished to make a sketch of Craigmoran Abbey—did + you forget that we were to ride there to-day?" + </p> + <p> + Before she could reply, Lady Callonby called out—"Oh, here it is, + Mr. Lorrequer. Is this a heath? that is the question." + </p> + <p> + Here her ladyship pointed to a little scrubby thing, that looked very like + a birch rod. I proceeded to examine it most minutely, while Collins waited + with all the intense anxiety of a man whose character depended on the + sentence. + </p> + <p> + "Collins will have it a jungermania," said she. + </p> + <p> + "And Collins is right," said I, not trusting myself with the pronunciation + of the awful word her ladyship uttered. + </p> + <p> + Collins looked ridiculously happy. + </p> + <p> + "Now that is so delightful," said Lady Callonby, as she stopped to look + for another puzzle. + </p> + <p> + "What a wretch it is," said Lady Catherine, covering her face with a + handkerchief. + </p> + <p> + "What a beautiful little flower," said Lady Jane, lifting up the bell of a + "lobelia splendens." + </p> + <p> + "You know, of course," said I, "what they call that flower in France—L'amour + tendre." + </p> + <p> + "Indeed!" + </p> + <p> + "True, I assure you; may I present you with this sprig of it," cutting off + a small twig, and presenting it at the same instant unseen by the others. + </p> + <p> + She hesitated for an instant, and then extending her fair and taper hand + took it. I dared not look at her as she did so, but a proud swelling + triumph at my heart nearly choked me. + </p> + <p> + "Now Collins," said Lady Callonby, "I cannot find the Alpen tree I brought + home from the Grundenwald." + </p> + <p> + Collins hurried forward to her ladyship's side. + </p> + <p> + Lady Catherine was also called to assist in the search. + </p> + <p> + I was alone with Lady Jane. + </p> + <p> + "Now or never," thought I; I hesitated—I stammered—my voice + faltered. She saw my agitation; she participated in, and increased it. At + last I summoned up courage to touch her hand; she gently withdrew it—but + so gently, it was not a repulse. + </p> + <p> + "If Lady Jane," said I at length, "if the devoted—" + </p> + <p> + "Holloa, there," said a deep voice without; "is Mr. Lorrequer there?" + </p> + <p> + It was Lord Kilkee, returned from his coursing match. None but he who has + felt such an interruption, can feel for me. I shame to say that his + brotherhood to her, for whom I would have perilled my life, restrained me + not from something very like a hearty commendation of him to the powers + that burn— + </p> + <p> + "Down, dogs, there—down," continued he, and in a moment after + entered the conservatory flushed and heated with the chace. + </p> + <p> + "Mouche is the winner—two to one—and so, Master Shallow, I owe + you a thousand pounds." + </p> + <p> + Would to heaven that I had lost the wager, had it only taken a little + longer to decide it! I of course appeared overjoyed at my dog's success, + and listened with great pretence of interest to the narrative of the + "run;" the more so, because that though perhaps more my friend than the + older members of the family, Lord Kilkee evidently liked less than them, + my growing intimacy with his sister; and I was anxious to blind him on the + present occasion, when, but for his recent excitement, very little + penetration would have enabled him to detect that something unusual had + taken place. + </p> + <p> + It was now so nearly dark, that her ladyship's further search for the + alpine treasure became impossible, and so we turned our steps towards the + garden, where we continued to walk till joined by Lord Callonby. And now + began a most active discussion upon agriculture, rents, tithes, and + toryism, in which the ladies took but little part; and I had the + mortification to perceive that Lady Jane was excessively 'ennuyee', and + seized the first opportunity to leave the party and return to the house; + while her sister gave me from time to time certain knowing glances, as if + intimating that my knowledge of farming and political economy was pretty + much on a par with my proficiency in botany. + </p> + <p> + One has discovered me at least, thought I; but the bell had rung to dress + for dinner, and I hastened to my room to think over future plans, and once + more wonder at the singular position into which fate and the "rules of the + service" had thrown me. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch5" id="ch5"></a>CHAPTER V. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + PUZZLED—EXPLANATION—MAKES BAD WORSE—THE DEED + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + "Any letters?" said her ladyship to a servant, as she crossed the hall. + </p> + <p> + "Only one, my lady—for Mr. Lorrequer, I believe." + </p> + <p> + "For me!" thought I; "how is this?" My letters had been hitherto always + left in Kilrush. Why was this forwarded here? I hurried to the + drawing-room, where I found a double letter awaiting me. The writing was + Curzon's and contained the words "to be forwarded with haste" on the + direction. I opened and read as follows:— + </p> + <blockquote> + <blockquote> + <p> + "Dear Lorrequer,—Have you any recollection, among your numerous + 'escapades' at Cork, of having grievously insulted a certain Mr. Giles + Beamish, in thought, word, or deed? If you have, I say, let me know + with all convenient despatch, whether the offence be one admitting of + apology- -for if not, the Lord have mercy on your soul—a more + wrothy gentleman than the aforesaid, it having rarely been my evil + fortune to foregather with. He called here yesterday to inquire your + address, and at my suggestion wrote a note, which I now enclose. I + write in great haste, and am ever yours faithfully, C. Curzon. + </p> + <p> + "N.B.—I have not seen his note, so explain all and every thing." + </p> + </blockquote> + </blockquote> + <p> + The inclosed letter ran thus: + </p> + <blockquote> + <blockquote> + <p> + "Sir,—It can scarcely have escaped your memory, though now + nearly two months since, that at the Mayor's 'dejeune' in Cork, you + were pleased to make merry at my expense, and expose me and my family + for your amusement. This is to demand an immediate apology, or that + satisfaction which, as an officer, you will not refuse your most + obedient servant, Giles Beamish, Swinburne's Hotel." + </p> + </blockquote> + </blockquote> + <p> + "Giles Beamish! Giles Beamish!" said I, repeating the name in every + variety of emphasis, hoping to obtain some clue to the writer. Had I been + appointed the umpire between Dr. Wall and his reviewers, in the late + controversy about "phonetic signs," I could not have been more completely + puzzled than by the contents of this note. "Make merry at his expense!" a + great offence truly—I suppose I have laughed at better men than ever + he was; and I can only say of such innocent amusement, as Falstaff did of + sack and sugar, if such be a sin, "then heaven help the wicked." But I + wish I knew who he is, or what he alludes to, provided he is not mad, + which I begin to think not improbable. "By the bye, my Lord, do you know + any such person in the south as a Mr. Beamish—Giles Beamish?" + </p> + <p> + "To be sure," said Lord Callonby, looking up from his newspaper, "there + are several of the name of the highest respectability. One is an alderman + of Cork—a very rich man, too—but I don't remember his + Christian name." + </p> + <p> + "An alderman, did you say?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes. Alderman Beamish is very well known. I have seen him frequently—a + short florid, little man." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, it must be him," said I, musingly, "it must have been this worthy + alderman, from whose worshipful person I tore the robe of office on the + night of the fete. But what does he mean by 'my exposing him and his + family?' Why, zounds, his wife and children were not with him on the + pavement. Oh, I see it; it is the mansion-house school of eloquence; did + not Sir William Curtis apologise for not appearing at court, from having + lost an eye, which he designated as an awful 'domestic calamity.'" + </p> + <p> + It being now settled to my satisfaction, that Mr. Beamish and the great + uncloaked were "convertible terms," I set about making the 'amende' in the + most handsome manner possible. I wrote to the alderman a most pacific + epistle, regretting that my departure from Cork deprived me of making + reparation before, and expressing a most anxious hope that "he caught no + cold," and a fervent wish that "he would live many years to grace and + ornament the dignity of which his becoming costume was the emblem." This I + enclosed in a note to Curzon, telling him how the matter occurred, and + requesting that he would send it by his servant, together with the scarlet + vestment which he would find in my dressing-room. Having folded and sealed + this despatch, I turned to give Lord Callonby an account of the business, + and showed him Beamish's note, at which he was greatly amused: and, + indeed, it furnished food for mirth for the whole party during the + evening. The next morning I set out with Lord Callonby on the + long-threatened canvassing expedition—with the details of which I + need not burden my "Confessions." Suffice it to say, that when Lord Kilkee + was advocating Toryism in the west, I, his accredited ambassador, was + devoting to the infernal gods the prelacy, the peerage, and the pension + list—a mode of canvass well worthy of imitation in these troublesome + times; for, not to speak of the great prospect of success from having + friends on both sides of the question, the principal can always divest + himself of any unpleasant consequences as regards inconsistency, by + throing the blame on this friend, "who went too far," as the appropriate + phrase is. + </p> + <p> + Nothing could be more successful than our mission. Lord Callonby was + delighted beyond bounds with the prospect, and so completely carried away + by high spirits, and so perfectly assured that much of it was owing to my + exertions, that on the second morning of our tour—for we proceeded + through the county for three days—he came laughing into my + dressing-room, with a newspaper in his hand. + </p> + <p> + "Here, Lorrequer," said he, "here's news for you. You certainly must read + this," and he handed me a copy of the "Clare Herald," with an account of + our meeting the evening before. + </p> + <p> + After glancing my eye rapidly over the routine usual in such cases—Humph, + ha—nearly two hundred people—most respectable farmers—room + appropriately decorated—"Callonby Arms"—"after the usual loyal + toasts, the chairman rose"—Well, no matter. Ah! here it is: "Mr. + Lorrequer here addressed the meeting with a flow of eloquence it has + rarely, if ever, been our privilege to hear equalled. He began by"—humph— + </p> + <p> + "Ah," said his lordship, impatiently, "you will never find it out—look + here—'Mr. Lorrequer, whom we have mentioned as having made the + highly exciting speech, to be found in our first page, is, we understand, + the son of Sir Guy Lorrequer, of Elton, in Shropshire—one of the + wealthiest baronets in England. If rumour speak truly, there is a very + near prospect of an alliance between this talented and promising young + gentleman, and the beautiful and accomplished daughter of a certain noble + earl, with whom he has been for some time domesticated." + </p> + <p> + "Eh, what think you? Son of Sir Guy Lorrequer. I always thought my old + friend a bachelor, but you see the 'Clare Herald' knows better. Not to + speak of the last piece of intelligence, it is very good, is it not?" + </p> + <p> + "Capital, indeed," said I, trying to laugh, and at the same time blushing + confoundedly, and looking as ridiculously as need be. + </p> + <p> + It now struck me forcibly that there was something extremely odd in his + lordship's mention of this paragraph, particularly when coupled with his + and Lady Callonby's manner to me for the last two months. They knew enough + of my family, evidently, to be aware of my station and prospects—or + rather my want of both—and yet, in the face of this, they not only + encouraged me to prolong a most delightful visit, but by a thousand daily + and dangerous opportunities, absolutely threw me in the way of one of the + loveliest of her sex, seemingly without fear on their parts. "'Eh bien,'" + thought I, with my old philosophy, "Time, that 'pregnant old gentleman,' + will disclose all, and so 'laisse, aller.'" + </p> + <p> + My reveries on my good and evil fortune were suddenly interrupted by a + letter which reached me that evening, having been forwarded from Callonby + by a special messenger. "What! Another epistle from Curzon," said I, as my + eye caught the address, and wondering not a little what pressing emergency + had called forth the words on the cover—"to be forwarded with + haste." I eagerly broke the seal and read the following: + </p> + <p> + "My Dear Harry,—I received yours on the 11th, and immediately + despatched your note and the raiment to Mr. Beamish. He was from home at + the time, but at eight o'clock I was sent for from the mess to see two + gentlemen on most pressing business. I hurried to my quarters, and there + found the aforesaid Mr. B. accompanied by a friend, whom he introduced as + Dr. De Courcy Finucane, of the North Cork Militia—as warlike looking + a gentleman, of his inches, some five feet three, as you would wish to + see. The moment I appeared, both rose, and commenced a narrative, for such + I judge it to be, but so energetically and so completely together, that I + could only bow politely, and at last request that one, or the other, would + inform me of the object of their visit. Here began the tug of war, the + Doctor saying, 'Arrah, now Giles'—Mr. Beamish interrupting by + 'Whisht, I tell ye—now, can't you let me! Ye see, Mr. Curzoin'—for + so they both agreed to designate me. At last, completely worn out, I said, + 'Perhaps you have not received my friend's note?' At this Mr. Beamish + reddened to the eyes, and with the greatest volubility poured forth a + flood of indignant eloquence, that I thought it necessary to check; but in + this I failed, for after informing me pretty clearly, that he knew nothing + of your story of the alderman, or his cloak, added, that he firmly + believed your pretended reparation was only a renewed insult, and that—but + in a word, he used such language, that I was compelled to take him short; + and the finale is, that I agreed you should meet him, though still + ignorant of what he calls the 'original offence.'—But heaven knows, + his conduct here last night demands a reprimand, and I hope you may give + it; and if you shoot him, we may worm out the secret from his executors. + Nothing could exceed the politeness of the parties on my consenting to + this arrangement. Dr. Finucane proposed Carrigaholt, as the rendezvous, + about 12 miles, I believe, from Kilrush, and Tuesday evening at six as the + time, which will be the very earliest moment we can arrive there. So, pray + be up to time, and believe me yours, C. Curzon, Saturday Evening." + </p> + <p> + It was late on Monday evening when this letter reached me, and there was + no time to be lost, as I was then about 40 Irish miles from the place + mentioned by Curzon; so after briefly acquainting Lord Callonby that I was + called off by duty, I hurried to my room to pack my clothes, and again + read over this extraordinary epistle. + </p> + <p> + I confess it did appear something droll, how completely Curzon seemed to + imbibe the passion for fighting from these "blood-thirsty Irishmen." For + by his own showing he was utterly ignorant of my ever having offended this + Mr. Beamish, of whom I recollected nothing whatever. Yet when the + gentleman waxes wrothy, rather than inconvenience him, or perhaps anxious + to get back to the mess, he coolly says, "Oh, my friend shall meet you," + and then his pleasant jest, "find out the cause of quarrel from his + executors!" + </p> + <p> + Truly, thought I, there is no equanimity like his who acts as your second + in a duel. The gentlemanlike urbanity with which he waits on the opposite + friend—the conciliating tone with which he proffers implacable + enmity—the killing kindness with which he refuses all accommodation—the + Talleyrand air of his short notes, dated from the "Travellers," or + "Brookes," with the words 3 o'clock or 5 o'clock on the cover, all + indicative of the friendly precipitancy of the negociation. Then, when all + is settled, the social style with which he asks you to take a "cutlet" + with him at the "Clarendon," not to go home—are only to be equalled + by the admirable tact on the ground—the studiously elegant salute to + the adverse party, half a la Napoleon, and half Beau Brummell—the + politely offered snuff-box—the coquetting raillery about 10 paces or + 12—are certainly the beau ideal of the stoicism which preludes + sending your friend out of the world like a gentleman. + </p> + <p> + How very often is the face of external nature at variance with the + thoughts and actions—"the sayings and doings" we may be most intent + upon at the moment. How many a gay and brilliant bridal party has wended + its way to St. George's, Hanover-square, amid a downpour of rain, one + would suppose sufficient to quench the torch of Hymen, though it burned as + brightly as Capt. Drummond's oxygen light; and on the other hand, how + frequently are the bluest azure of heaven and the most balmy airs shed + upon the heart bursting with affliction, or the head bowed with grief; and + without any desire to impugn, as a much high authority has done, the moral + character of the moon, how many a scene of blood and rapine has its mild + radiance illumined. Such reflections as these came thronging to my mind, + as on the afternoon of Tuesday I neared the little village of our + rendezvous. + </p> + <p> + The scene which in all its peaceful beauty lay before me, was truly a + bitter contrast to the occasion that led me thither. I stood upon a little + peninsula which separates the Shannon from the wide Atlantic. On one side + the placed river flowed on its course, between fields of waving corn, or + rich pasturage—the beautiful island of Scattery, with its + picturesque ruins reflected in the unrippled tide—the cheerful + voices of the reapers, and the merry laugh of the children were mingled + with the seaman's cry of the sailors, who were "heaving short" on their + anchor, to take the evening tide. The village, which consisted of merely a + few small cabins, was still from its situation a pleasing object in the + picture, and the blue smoke that rose in slender columns from the humble + dwellings, took from the scene its character of loneliness, and suggested + feelings of home and homely enjoyments, which human habitations, however, + lowly, never fail to do. + </p> + <p> + "At any other time," thought I, "and how I could have enjoyed all this, + but now—and, ha, I find it is already past five o'clock, and if I am + rightly informed I am still above a mile from 'Carrigaholt,' where we were + to meet." + </p> + <p> + I had dismissed my conveyance when nearing the village, to avoid + observation, and now took a foot-path over the hills. Before I had + proceeded half a mile, the scene changed completely. I found myself + traversing a small glen, grown over with a low oak scrub, and not + presenting, on any side, the slightest trace of habitation. I saw that the + ground had been selected by an adept. The glen, which grew narrow as I + advanced, suddenly disclosed to my view a glimpse of the Atlantic, upon + which the declining sun was pouring a flood of purple glory. I had + scarcely turned from the contemplation of this beautiful object, when a + long low whistle attracted my attention. I looked in the direction from + whence it proceeded, and discovered at some distance from me three figures + standing beside the ruin of an old Abbey, which I now for the first time + perceived. + </p> + <p> + If I had entertained any doubt as to who they were, it had been speedily + resolved, for I now saw one of the party waving his hat to me, whom, I + soon recognized to be Curzon; he came forward to meet me, and, in the few + hundred yards that intervened before our reaching the others, told me as + much as he knew of the opposite party; which, after all, was but little. + Mr. Beamish, my adversary, he described as a morose, fire-eating southern, + that evidently longed for an "affair" with a military man, then considered + a circumstance of some eclat in the south; his second, the doctor, on the + contrary, was by far "the best of the cut-throats," a most amusing little + personage, full of his own importance, and profuse in his legends of his + own doings in love and war, and evidently disposed to take the pleasing + side of every occurrence in life; they both agreed in but one point—a + firm and fixed resolve to give no explanation of the quarrel with me. "So + then," said I, as Curzon hurried over the preceding account, "you + absolutely know nothing whatever of the reason for which I am about to + give this man a meeting." + </p> + <p> + "No more than you," said Curzon, with imperturbable gravity; "but one + thing I am certain of—had I not at once promised him such, he would + have posted you in Limerick the next morning; and as you know our mess + rule in the 4_th, I thought it best—" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, certainly, quite right; but now are you quite certain I am the man + who offended him? For I solemnly assure you, I have not the most remote + recollection of having ever heard of him." + </p> + <p> + "That point," said Curzon, "there can be no doubt of, for he not only + designated you as Mr. Harry Lorrequer, but the gentleman that made all + Cork laugh so heartily, by his representation of Othello." + </p> + <p> + "Stop!" said I, "say not a word more; I'm his man." + </p> + <p> + By this time we had reached the ruins, and turning a corner came in full + contact with the enemy; they had been resting themselves on a tombstone as + we approached. + </p> + <p> + "Allow me," said Curzon, stepping a little in advance of me; "allow me to + introduce my friend Mr. Lorrequer, Dr. Finicane,—Dr. Finicane, Mr. + Lorrequer." + </p> + <p> + "Finucane, if quite agreeable to you; Finucane," said the little + gentleman, as he lifted his hat straight off his head, and replaced it + most accurately, by way of salute. "Mr. Lorrequer, it is with sincere + pleasure I make your acquaintance." Here Mr. Beamish bowed stiffly, in + return to my salutation, and at the instant a kind of vague sensation + crossed my mind, that those red whiskers, and that fiery face were not + seen for the first time; but the thumbscrews of the holy office would have + been powerless to refresh my memory as to when. + </p> + <p> + "Captain," said the doctor, "may I request the favour of your company this + way, one minute;" they both walked aside; the only words which reached me + as I moved off, to permit their conference, being an assurance on the part + of the doctor, "that it was a sweet spot he picked out, for, by having + them placed north and south, neither need have a patch of sky behind him." + Very few minutes sufficed for preliminaries, and they both advanced, + smirking and smiling, as if they had just arranged a new plan for the + amelioration of the poor, or the benefit of the manufacturing classes, + instead of making preparations for sending a gentleman out of the world. + </p> + <p> + "Then if I understand you, captain," said the doctor, "you step the + distance, and I give the word." + </p> + <p> + "Exactly," said Curzon. + </p> + <p> + After a joking allusion to my friend's length of limb, at which we all + laughed heartily, we were placed, Curzon and the doctor standing and + breaking the line between us; the pistols were then put into our hands, + the doctor saying—"Now, gentlemen, I'll just retire six paces, and + turn round, which will be quite time enough to prepare, and at the word + 'fire,' ye'll blaze away; mind now." With a knowing wink, the doctor + delivered this direction, and immediately moved off; the word "fire" + followed, and both pistols went off together. My hat was struck near the + top, and, as the smoke cleared away, I perceived that my ball had taken + effect upon my adversary; he was wounded a little below the knee and + appeared to steady himself with the greatest difficulty. "You friend is + hit," said Curzon, to the doctor, who now came forward with another + pistol. "You friend is hit." + </p> + <p> + "So I perceive," said he, placing his finger on the spot; "but it is no + harm in life; so we proceed, if you please." + </p> + <p> + "You don't mean to demand another shot?" said Curzon. + </p> + <p> + "Faith, do I," said the doctor coolly. + </p> + <p> + "Then," said Curzon, "I must tell you most unequivocally, I refuse, and + shall now withdraw my friend; and had it not been for a regulation + peculiar to our regiment, but never intended to include cases of this + nature, we had not been here now; for up to this hour my principal and + myself are in utter ignorance of any cause of offence ever having been + offered by him to Mr. Beamish." + </p> + <p> + "Giles, do you hear this?" said the doctor. + </p> + <p> + But Giles did not hear it, for the rapid loss of blood from his wound had + so weakened him, that he had fainted, and now lay peaceably on the grass. + Etiquette was now at an end, and we all ran forward to assist the wounded + man; for some minutes he lay apparently quite senseless, and when he at + last rallied and looked wildly about him, it appeared to be with + difficulty that he recalled any recollection of the place, and the people + around him; for a few seconds he fixed his eyes steadily upon the doctor, + and with a lip pale and bloodless, and a voice quivering from weakness, + said, + </p> + <p> + "Fin! Didn't I tell ye, that pistol always threw high—oh!" and this + he said with a sigh that nearly overpowered him, "Oh, Fin, if you had only + given me the saw-handled one, that I AM USED TO; but it is no good talking + now." + </p> + <p> + In my inmost heart I was grateful to the little doctor for his mistake, + for I plainly perceived what "the saw-handled one he was used to" might + have done for me, and could not help muttering to myself with good Sir + Andrew—"If I had known he was so cunning of fence, I'd have seen him + damned before that I fought with him." + </p> + <p> + Our first duty was now to remove the wounded man to the high road, about + which both he himself and his second seemed disposed to make some + difficulty; they spoke together for a few moments in a low tone of voice, + and then the doctor addressed us—"We feel, gentlemen, this is not a + time for any concealment; but the truth is, we have need of great + circumspection here, for I must inform you, we are both of us bound over + in heavy recognizances to keep the peace." + </p> + <p> + "Bound over to keep the peace!" said Curzon and myself together. + </p> + <p> + "Nothing less; and although there is nobody hereabout would tell, yet if + the affair got into the papers by any means, why there are some people in + Cork would like to press my friend there, for he is a very neat shot when + he has the saw-handle," and here the doctor winked. + </p> + <p> + We had little time permitted us, to think upon the oddity of meeting a man + in such circumstances, for we were now obliged to contribute our aid in + conveying him to the road, where some means might be procured for his + transfer to Kilrush, or some other town in the neighbourhood, for he was + by this time totally unable to walk. + </p> + <p> + After half an hour's toiling, we at last did reach the highway, by which + time I had ample opportunity, short as the space was, to see something of + the character of our two opponents. It appeared the doctor exercised the + most absolute control over his large friend, dictating and commanding in a + tone which the other never ventured to resist; for a moment or two Mr. + Beamish expressed a great desire to be conveyed by night to Kilrush, where + he might find means to cross the Shannon into Kerry; this, however, the + doctor opposed strenuously, from the risque of publicity; and finally + settled that we should all go in a body to his friend, Father Malachi + Brennan's house, only two miles off, where the sick man would have the + most tender care, and what the doctor considered equally indispensable, we + ourselves a most excellent supper, and a hearty welcome. + </p> + <p> + "You know Father Malachi, of course, Mr. Lorrequer?" + </p> + <p> + "I am ashamed to say I do not." + </p> + <p> + "Not know Malachi Brennan and live in Clare! Well, well, that is strange; + sure he is the priest of this country for twelve miles in every direction + of you, and a better man, and a pleasanter, there does not live in the + diocese; though I'm his cousin that says it." + </p> + <p> + After professing all the possible pleasure it would afford my friend and + myself to make the acquaintance of Father Malachi, we proceeded to place + Mr. Beamish in a car that was passing at the time, and started for the + residence of the good priest. The whole of the way thither I was occupied + but by one thought, a burning anxiety to know the cause of our quarrel, + and I longed for the moment when I might get the doctor apart from his + friend, to make the inquiry. + </p> + <p> + "There—look down to your left, where you see the lights shining so + brightly, that is Father Malachi's house; as sure as my name is De Courcy + Finucane, there's fun going on there this night." + </p> + <p> + "Why, there certainly does seem a great illumination in the valley there," + said I. + </p> + <p> + "May I never," said the doctor, "if it isn't a station—" + </p> + <p> + "A station!—pray may I ask—" + </p> + <p> + "You need not ask a word on the subject; for, if I am a true prophet, + you'll know what it means before morning." + </p> + <p> + A little more chatting together, brought us to a narrow road, flanked on + either side by high hedges of hawthorn, and, in a few minutes more, we + stood before the priest's residence, a long, white-washed, thatched house, + having great appearance of comfort and convenience. Arrived here, the + doctor seemed at once to take on him the arrangement of the whole party; + for, after raising the latch and entering the house, he returned to us in + a few minutes, and said, + </p> + <p> + "Wait a while now; we'll not go in to Father Malachi, 'till we've put + Giles to bed." + </p> + <p> + We, accordingly, lifted him from off the car, and assisted him into the + house, and following Finucane down a narrow passage, at last reached a + most comfortable little chamber, with a neat bed; here we placed him, + while the doctor gave some directions to a bare-headed, red-legged hussey, + without shoes or stockings, and himself proceeded to examine the wound, + which was a more serious one than it at first appeared. + </p> + <p> + After half an hour thus occupied, during which time, roars of merriment + and hearty peals of laughter burst upon us every time the door opened, + from a distant part of the house, where his reverence was entertaining his + friends, and which, as often as they were heard by the doctor seemed to + produce in him sensations not unlike those that afflicted the "wedding + guest" in the "Ancient Mariner," when he heard the "loud bassoon," and as + certainly imparted an equally longing desire to be a partaker in the + mirth. We arranged every thing satisfactorily for Mr. Beamish's comfort, + and with a large basin of vinegar and water, to keep his knee cool, and a + strong tumbler of hot punch, to keep his heart warm—homeopathic + medicine is not half so new as Dr. Hahnneman would make us believe—we + left Mr. Beamish to his own meditations, and doubtless regrets that he did + not get "the saw-handled one, he was used to," while we proceeded to make + our bows to Father Malachi Brennan. + </p> + <p> + But, as I have no intention to treat the good priest with ingratitude, I + shall not present him to my readers at the tail of a chapter. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch6" id="ch6"></a>CHAPTER VI. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + THE PRIEST'S SUPPER—FATHER MALACHI AND THE COADJUTOR <br /> —MAJOR + JONES AND THE ABBE + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + <a name="The_Sentry_Challenging_Father_Luke_and_the_Abbe" + id="The_Sentry_Challenging_Father_Luke_and_the_Abbe">The Sentry + Challenging Father Luke and the Abbe</a> + </h3> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%;"> + <img alt="Ch 06a Sentry Challenging the Abbe.jpg (76K)" + src="images/Ch%2006a%20%20Sentry%20Challenging%20the%20Abbe.jpg" + width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <a href="images2/Ch%2006a%20%20Sentry%20Challenging%20the%20Abbe.jpg">BLACK + AND WHITE IMAGE</a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + At the conclusion of our last chapter we left our quondam antagonist, Mr. + Beamish, stretched at full length upon a bed practising homeopathy by + administering hot punch to his fever, while we followed our chaperon, + Doctor Finucane, into the presence of the Reverend Father Brennan. + </p> + <p> + The company into which we now, without any ceremony on our parts, + introduced ourselves, consisted of from five and twenty to thirty persons, + seated around a large oak table, plentifully provided with materials for + drinking, and cups, goblets, and glasses of every shape and form. The + moment we entered, the doctor stepped forward, and, touching Father + Malachi on the shoulder,—for so I rightly guessed him to be,—presented + himself to his relative, by whom he was welcomed with every demonstration + of joy. While their recognitions were exchanged, and while the doctor + explained the reasons of our visit, I was enabled, undisturbed and + unnoticed, to take a brief survey of the party. + </p> + <p> + Father Malachi Brennan, P.P. of Carrigaholt, was what I had often pictured + to myself as the beau ideal of his caste; his figure was short, fleshy, + and enormously muscular, and displayed proportions which wanted but height + to constitute a perfect Hercules; his legs so thick in the calf, so taper + in the ancle, looked like nothing I know, except perhaps, the metal + balustrades of Carlisle—bridge; his face was large and rosy, and the + general expression, a mixture of unbounded good humour and inexhaustible + drollery, to which the restless activity of his black and arched eye—brows + greatly contributed; and his mouth, were it not for a character of + sensuality and voluptuousness about the nether lip, had been actually + handsome; his head was bald, except a narrow circle close above the ears, + which was marked by a ring of curly dark hair, sadly insufficient however, + to conceal a development behind, that, if there be truth in phrenology, + bodes but little happiness to the disciples of Miss Martineau. + </p> + <p> + Add to these external signs a voice rich, fluent, and racy, with the + mellow "doric" of his country, and you have some faint resemblance of one + "every inch a priest." The very antipodes to the 'bonhomie' of this + figure, confronted him as croupier at the foot of the table. This, as I + afterwards learned, was no less a person than Mister Donovan, the + coadjutor or "curate;" he was a tall, spare, ungainly looking man of about + five and thirty, with a pale, ascetic countenance, the only readable + expression of which vibrated between low suspicion and intense vulgarity: + over his low, projecting forehead hung down a mass of straight red hair; + indeed—for nature is not a politician—it almost approached an + orange hue. This was cut close to the head all around, and displayed in + their full proportions a pair of enormous ears, which stood out in + "relief," like turrets from a watch-tower, and with pretty much the same + object; his skin was of that peculiar colour and texture, to which, not + all "the water in great Neptune's ocean" could impart a look of + cleanliness, while his very voice, hard, harsh, and inflexible, was + unprepossessing and unpleasant. And yet, strange as it may seem, he, too, + was a correct type of his order; the only difference being, that Father + Malachi was an older coinage, with the impress of Donay or St. Omers, + whereas Mister Donovan was the shining metal, fresh stamped from the mint + of Maynooth. <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + <a name="Supper_at_Father_Malachis" id="Supper_at_Father_Malachis">Supper + at Father Malachi's</a> + </h3> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%;"> + <img alt="Ch 06b Supper at Father Malachi's.jpg (77K)" + src="images/Ch%2006b%20Supper%20at%20Father%20Malachis.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <a href="images2/Ch%2006b%20Supper%20at%20Father%20Malachis.jpg">BLACK AND + WHITE IMAGE</a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + While thus occupied in my surveillance of the scene before me, I was + roused by the priest saying— + </p> + <p> + "Ah, Fin, my darling, you needn't deny it; you're at the old game as sure + as my name is Malachi, and ye'll never be easy nor quiet till ye're sent + beyond the sea, or maybe have a record of your virtues on half a ton of + marble in the church-yard, yonder." + </p> + <p> + "Upon my honour, upon the sacred honour of a De Courcy—." + </p> + <p> + "Well, well, never mind it now; ye see ye're just keeping your friends + cooling themselves there in the corner—introduce me at once." + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Lorrequer, I'm sure—." + </p> + <p> + "My name is Curzon," said the adjutant, bowing. + </p> + <p> + "A mighty pretty name, though a little profane; well, Mr. Curse-on," for + so he pronounced it, "ye're as welcome as the flowers in May; and it's + mighty proud I am to see ye here. + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Lorrequer, allow me to shake your hand—I've heard of ye + before." + </p> + <p> + There seemed nothing very strange in that; for go where I would through + this country, I seemed as generally known as ever was Brummell in + Bond-street. + </p> + <p> + "Fin tells me," continued Father Malachi, "that ye'd rather not be known + down here, in regard of a reason," and here he winked. "Make yourselves + quite easy; the king's writ was never but once in these parts; and the + 'original and true copy' went back to Limerick in the stomach of the + server; they made him eat it, Mr. Lorrequer; but it's as well to be + cautious, for there are a good number here. A little dinner, a little + quarterly dinner we have among us, Mr. Curseon, to be social together, and + raise a 'thrifle' for the Irish college at Rome, where we have a + probationer or two, ourselves. + </p> + <p> + "As good as a station, and more drink," whispered Fin into my ear. "And + now," continued the priest, "ye must just permit me to re-christen ye + both, and the contribution will not be the less for what I'm going to do; + and I'm certain you'll not be worse for the change Mr. Curseon—though + 'tis only for a few hours, ye'll have a dacent name." + </p> + <p> + As I could see no possible objection to this proposal, nor did Curzon + either, our only desire being to maintain the secrecy necessary for our + antagonist's safety, we at once assented; when Father Malachi took me by + the hand, but with such a total change in his whole air and deportment + that I was completely puzzled by it; he led me forward to the company with + a good deal of the ceremonious reverence I have often admired in Sir + Charles Vernon, when conducting some full—blown dowager through the + mazes of a castle minuet. The desire to laugh outright was almost + irresistible, as the Rev. Father stood at arm's length from me, still + holding my hand, and bowing to the company pretty much in the style of a + manager introducing a blushing debutante to an audience. A moment more, + and I must have inevitably given way to a burst of laughter, when what was + my horror to hear the priest present me to the company as their + "excellent, worthy, generous, and patriotic young landlord, Lord Kilkee. + Cheer every mother's son of ye; cheer I say;" and certainly precept was + never more strenuously backed by example, for he huzzaed till I thought he + would burst a blood-vessel; may I add, I almost wished it, such was + the insufferable annoyance, the chagrin, this announcement gave me; and I + waited with eager impatience for the din and clamour to subside, to + disclaim every syllable of the priest's announcement, and take the + consequences of my baptismal epithet, cost what it might. To this I was + impelled by many and important reasons. Situated as I was with respect to + the Callonby family, my assumption of their name at such a moment might + get abroad, and the consequences to me, be inevitable ruin; and + independent of my natural repugnance to such sailing under false colours, + I saw Curzon laughing almost to suffocation at my wretched predicament, + and (so strong within me was the dread of ridicule) I thought, "what a + pretty narrative he is concocting for the mess this minute." I rose to + reply; and whether Father Malachi, with his intuitive quickness, guessed + my purpose or not, I cannot say, but he certainly resolved to out-maneuver + me, and he succeeded: while with one hand he motioned to the party to keep + silence, with the other he took hold of Curzon, but with no peculiar or + very measured respect, and introduced him as Mr. MacNeesh, the new Scotch + steward and improver—a character at that time whose popularity might + compete with a tithe proctor or an exciseman. So completely did this + tactique turn the tables upon the poor adjutant, who the moment before was + exulting over me, that I utterly forgot my own woes, and sat down + convulsed with mirth at his situation—an emotion certainly not + lessened as I saw Curzon passed from one to the other at table, "like a + pauper to his parish," till he found an asylum at the very foot, in juxta + with the engaging Mister Donovan. A propinquity, if I might judge from + their countenances, uncoveted by either party. + </p> + <p> + While this was performing, Doctor Finucane was making his recognitions + with several of the company, to whom he had been long known during his + visits to the neighbourhood. I now resumed my place on the right of the + Father, abandoning for the present all intention of disclaiming my rank, + and the campaign was opened. The priest now exerted himself to the utmost + to recall conversation with the original channels, and if possible to draw + off attention from me, which he still feared, might, perhaps, elicit some + unlucky announcement on my part. Failing in his endeavours to bring + matters to their former footing, he turned the whole brunt of his + attentions to the worthy doctor, who sat on his left. + </p> + <p> + "How goes on the law," said he, "Fin? Any new proofs, as they call them, + forthcoming?" + </p> + <p> + What Fin replied, I could not hear, but the allusion to the "suit" was + explained by Father Malachi informing us that the only impediment between + his cousin and the title of Kinsale lay in the unfortunate fact, that his + grandmother, "rest her sowl," was not a man. + </p> + <p> + Doctor Finucane winced a little under the manner in which this was spoken: + but returned the fire by asking if the bishop was down lately in that + quarter? The evasive way in which "the Father" replied having stimulated + my curiosity as to the reason, little entreaty was necessary to persuade + the doctor to relate the following anecdote, which was not relished the + less by his superior, that it told somewhat heavily on Mr. Donovan. + </p> + <p> + "It is about four years ago," said the doctor, "since the Bishop, Dr. + Plunkett, took it into his head that he'd make a general inspection, 'a + reconnoisance," as we'd call it, Mr. Lor—that is, my lord! Through + the whole diocese, and leave no part far nor near without poking his nose + in it and seeing how matters were doing. He heard very queer stories about + his reverence here, and so down he came one morning in the month of July, + riding upon an old grey hack, looking just for all the world like any + other elderly gentleman in very rusty black. When he got near the village + he picked up a little boy to show him the short cut across the fields to + the house here; and as his lordship was a 'sharp man and a shrewd,' he + kept his eye on every thing as he went along, remarking this, and noting + down that. + </p> + <p> + "'Are ye regular in yer duties, my son?' said he to the gossoon. + </p> + <p> + "'I never miss a Sunday,' said the gossoon; 'for it's always walking his + reverence's horse I am the whole time av prayers.' + </p> + <p> + "His lordship said no more for a little while, when he muttered between + his teeth, 'Ah, it's just slander—nothing but slander and lying + tongues.' This soliloquy was caused by his remarking that on every gate he + passed, or from every cabin, two or three urchins would come out half + naked, but all with the finest heads of red hair he ever saw in his life. + </p> + <p> + "'How is it, my son,' said he, at length; 'they tell very strange stories + about Father Malachi, and I see so many of these children with red hair. + Eh—now Father Malachi's a dark man.' + </p> + <p> + "'True for ye,' said the boy; 'true for ye, Father Malachi's dark; but the + coadjutor!—the coadjutor's as red as a fox.'" + </p> + <p> + When the laugh this story caused had a little subsided, Father Malachi + called out, "Mickey Oulahan! Mickey, I say, hand his lordship over 'the + groceries'"—thus he designated a square decanter, containing about + two quarts of whiskey, and a bowl heaped high with sugar—"a dacent + boy is Mickey, my lord, and I'm happy to be the means of making him known + to you." I bowed with condescension, while Mr. Oulahan's eyes sparkled + like diamonds at the recognition. + </p> + <p> + "He has only two years of the lease to run, and a 'long charge,' (anglice, + a large family,) continued the priest. + </p> + <p> + "I'll not forget him, you may depend upon it," said I. + </p> + <p> + "Do you hear that," said Father Malachi, casting a glance of triumph round + the table, while a general buzz of commendation on priest and patron went + round, with many such phrases as, "Och thin, it's his riv'rance can do + it," "na bocklish," "and why not," As for me, I have already "confessed" + to my crying sin, a fatal, irresistible inclination to follow the humour + of the moment wherever it led me; and now I found myself as active a + partizan in quizzing Mickey Oulahan, as though I was not myself a party + included in the jest. I was thus fairly launched into my inveterate habit, + and nothing could arrest my progress. + </p> + <p> + One by one the different individuals round the table were presented to me, + and made known their various wants, with an implicit confidence in my + power of relieving them, which I with equal readiness ministered to. I + lowered the rent of every man at table. I made a general jail delivery, an + act of grace, (I blush to say,) which seemed to be peculiarly interesting + to the present company. I abolished all arrears—made a new line of + road through an impassable bog, and over an inaccessible mountain—and + conducted water to a mill, which (I learned in the morning) was always + worked by wind. The decanter had scarcely completed its third circuit of + the board, when I bid fair to be most popular specimen of the peerage that + ever visited the "far west." In the midst of my career of universal + benevolence, I was interrupted by Father Malachi, whom I found on his + legs, pronouncing a glowing eulogium on his cousin's late regiment, the + famous North Cork. + </p> + <p> + "That was the corps!" said he. "Bid them do a thing, and they'd never + leave off; and so, when they got orders to retire from Wexford, it's + little they cared for the comforts of baggage, like many another regiment, + for they threw away every thing but their canteens, and never stopped till + they ran to Ross, fifteen miles farther than the enemy followed them. And + when they were all in bed the same night, fatigued and tired with their + exertions, as ye may suppose, a drummer's boy called out in his sleep—'here + they are—they're coming'—they all jumped up and set off in + their shirts, and got two miles out of town before they discovered it was + a false alarm." + </p> + <p> + Peal after peal of laughter followed the priest's encomium on the doctor's + regiment; and, indeed, he himself joined most heartily in the mirth, as he + might well afford to do, seeing that a braver or better corps than the + North Cork, Ireland did not possess. + </p> + <p> + "Well," said Fin, "it's easy to see ye never can forget what they did at + Maynooth." + </p> + <p> + Father Malachi disclaimed all personal feeling on the subject; and I was + at last gratified by the following narrative, which I regret deeply I am + not enabled to give in the doctor's own verbiage; but writing as I do from + memory, (in most instances,) I can only convey the substance: + </p> + <p> + It was towards the latter end of the year '98—the year of the + troubles—that the North Cork was ordered, "for their sins" I + believe, to march from their snug quarters in Fermoy, and take up a + position in the town of Maynooth—a very considerable reverse of + fortune to a set of gentlemen extremely addicted to dining out, and living + at large upon a very pleasant neighbourhood. Fermoy abounded in gentry; + Maynooth at that, time had few, if any, excepting his Grace of Leinster, + and he lived very privately, and saw no company. Maynooth was stupid and + dull—there were neither belles nor balls; Fermoy (to use the + doctor's well remembered words) had "great feeding," and "very genteel + young ladies, that carried their handkerchiefs in bags, and danced with + the officers." + </p> + <p> + They had not been many weeks in their new quarters, when they began to + pine over their altered fortunes, and it was with a sense of delight, + which a few months before would have been incomprehensible to them, they + discovered, that one of their officers had a brother, a young priest in + the college: he introduced him to some of his confreres, and the natural + result followed. A visiting acquaintance began between the regiment and + such of the members of the college as had liberty to leave the precincts: + who, as time ripened the acquaintance into intimacy, very naturally + preferred the cuisine of the North Cork to the meagre fare of "the + refectory." At last seldom a day went by, without one or two of their + reverences finding themselves guests at the mess. The North Corkians were + of a most hospitable turn, and the fathers were determined the virtue + should not rust for want of being exercised; they would just drop in to + say a word to "Captain O'Flaherty about leave to shoot in the demesne," as + Carton was styled; or, they had a "frank from the Duke for the Colonel," + or some other equally pressing reason; and they would contrive to be + caught in the middle of a very droll story just as the "roast beef" was + playing. Very little entreaty then sufficed—a short apology for the + "dereglements" of dress, and a few minutes more found them seated at table + without further ceremony on either side. + </p> + <p> + Among the favourite guests from the college, two were peculiarly held in + estimation—"the Professor of the Humanities," Father Luke Mooney; + and the Abbe D'Array, "the Lecturer on Moral Philosophy, and Belles + Lettres;" and certain it is, pleasanter fellows, or more gifted with the + "convivial bump," there never existed. He of the Humanities was a droll + dog—a member of the Curran club, the "monks of the screw," told an + excellent story, and sang the "Cruiskeen Lawn" better than did any before + or since him;—the moral philosopher, though of a different genre, + was also a most agreeable companion, an Irishman transplanted in his youth + to St. Omers, and who had grafted upon his native humour a considerable + share of French smartness and repartee—such were the two, who ruled + supreme in all the festive arrangements of this jovial regiment, and were + at last as regular at table, as the adjutant and the paymaster, and so + might they have continued, had not prosperity, that in its blighting + influence upon the heart, spares neither priests nor laymen, and is + equally severe upon mice (see Aesop's fable) and moral philosophers, + actually deprived them, for the "nonce" of reason, and tempted them to + their ruin. You naturally ask, what did they do? Did they venture upon + allusions to the retreat upon Ross? Nothing of the kind. Did they, in that + vanity which wine inspires, refer by word, act, or inuendo, to the + well-known order of their Colonel when reviewing his regiment in "the + Phoenix," to "advance two steps backwards, and dress by the gutter." Far + be it from them: though indeed either of these had been esteemed light in + the balance compared with their real crime. "Then, what was their failing—come, + tell it, and burn ye?" They actually, "horresco referens," quizzed the + Major coram the whole mess!—Now, Major John Jones had only lately + exchanged into the North Cork from the "Darry Ragement," as he called it. + He was a red—hot orangeman, a deputy—grand something, and + vice-chairman of the "'Prentice Boys" beside. He broke his leg when a + school-boy, by a fall incurred in tying an orange handkerchief + around King William's August neck in College-green, on one 12th of July, + and three several times had closed the gates of Derry with his own loyal + hands, on the famed anniversary; in a word, he was one, that if his church + had enjoined penance as an expiation for sin, would have looked upon a + trip to Jerusalem on his bare knees, as a very light punishment for the + crime on his conscience, that he sat at table with two buck priests from + Maynooth, and carved for them, like the rest of the company! + </p> + <p> + Poor Major Jones, however, had no such solace, and the canker-worm eat + daily deeper and deeper into his pining heart. During the three or four + weeks of their intimacy with his regiment, his martyrdom was awful. His + figure wasted, and his colour became a deeper tinge of orange, and all + around averred that there would soon be a "move up" in the corps, for the + major had evidently "got his notice to quit" this world, and its pomps and + vanities. He felt "that he was dying," to use Haines Bayley's beautiful + and apposite words, and meditated an exchange, but that, from + circumstances, was out of the question. At last, subdued by grief, and + probably his spirit having chafed itself smooth by such constant + attrition, he became, to all seeming, calmer; but it was only the calm of + a broken and weary heart. Such was Major Jones at the time, when, + "suadente diabolo," it seemed meet to Fathers Mooney and D'Array to make + him the butt of their raillery. At first, he could not believe it; the + thing was incredible—impossible; but when he looked around the + table, when he heard the roars of laughter, long, loud, and vociferous; + when he heard his name bandied from one to the other across the table, + with some vile jest tacked to it "like a tin kettle to a dog's tail," he + awoke to the full measure of his misery—the cup was full. Fate had + done her worst, and he might have exclaimed with Lear, "spit, fire—spout, + rain," there was nothing in store for him of further misfortune. + </p> + <p> + A drum-head court-martial—a hint "to sell out"—ay, a sentence + of "dismissed the service," had been mortal calamities, and, like a man, + he would have borne them; but that he, Major John Jones, D.G.S. C.P.B., + etc. who had drank the "pious, glorious, and immortal," sitting astride of + "the great gun of Athlone," should come to this! Alas, and alas! He + retired that night to his chamber a "sadder if not a wiser man;" he + dreamed that the "statue" had given place to the unshapely figure of Leo + X., and that "Lundy now stood where Walker stood before." He humped from + his bed in a moment of enthusiasm, he vowed his revenge, and he kept his + vow. + </p> + <p> + That day the major was "acting field officer." The various patroles, + sentries, picquets, and out-posts, were all under his especial control; + and it was remarked that he took peculiar pains in selecting the men for + night duty, which, in the prevailing quietness and peace of that time, + seemed scarcely warrantable. + </p> + <p> + Evening drew near, and Major Jones, summoned by the "oft-heard beat," + wended his way to the mess. The officers were dropping in, and true as + "the needle to the pole," came Father Mooney and the Abbe. They were + welcomed with the usual warmth, and strange to say, by none more than the + major himself, whose hilarity knew no bounds. + </p> + <p> + How the evening passed, I shall not stop to relate: suffice it to say, + that a more brilliant feast of wit and jollification, not even the North + Cork ever enjoyed. Father Luke's drollest stories, his very quaintest + humour shone forth, and the Abbe sang a new "Chanson a Boire," that + Beranger might have envied. + </p> + <p> + "What are you about, my dear Father D'Array?" said the Colonel; "you are + surely not rising yet; here's a fresh cooper of port just come in; sit + down, I entreat." + </p> + <p> + "I say it with grief, my dear colonel, we must away; the half-hour has + just chimed, and we must be within 'the gates' before twelve. The truth + is, the superior has been making himself very troublesome about our + 'carnal amusements' as he calls our innocent mirth, and we must therefore + be upon our guard." + </p> + <p> + "Well, if it must be so, we shall not risk losing your society altogether, + for an hour or so now; so, one bumper to our next meeting—to-morrow, + mind, and now, M. D'Abbe, au revoir." + </p> + <p> + The worthy fathers finished their glasses, and taking a most affectionate + leave of their kind entertainers, sallied forth under the guidance of + Major Jones, who insisted upon accompanying them part of the way, as, + "from information he had received, the sentries were doubled in some + places, and the usual precautions against surprise all taken." Much as + this polite attention surprised the objects of it, his brother officers + wondered still more, and no sooner did they perceive the major and his + companions issue forth, than they set out in a body to watch where this + most novel and unexpected complaisance would terminate. + </p> + <p> + When the priests reached the door of the barrack-yard, they again turned + to utter their thanks to the major, and entreat him once more, "not to + come a step farther. There now, major, we know the path well, so just give + us the pass, and don't stay out in the night air." + </p> + <p> + "Ah oui, Monsieur Jones," said the Abbe, "retournez, je vous prie. We are, + I must say, chez nous. Ces braves gens, les North Cork know us by this + time." + </p> + <p> + The major smiled, while he still pressed his services to see them past the + picquets, but they were resolved and would not be denied. + </p> + <p> + "With the word for the night, we want nothing more," said Father Luke. + </p> + <p> + "Well, then," said the major, in the gravest tone, and he was naturally + grave, "you shall have your way, but remember to call out loud, for the + first sentry is a little deaf, and a very passionate, ill-tempered + fellow to boot." + </p> + <p> + "Never fear," said Father Mooney, laughing; "I'll go bail he'll hear me." + </p> + <p> + "Well—the word for the night is—'Bloody end to the Pope,'—don't + forget, now, 'Bloody end to the Pope,'" and with these words he banged the + door between him and the unfortunate priests; and, as bolt was fastened + after bolt, they heard him laughing to himself like a fiend over his + vengeance. + </p> + <p> + "And big bad luck to ye, Major Jones, for the same, every day ye see a + paving stone," was the faint sub-audible ejaculation of Father Luke, when + he was recovered enough to speak. + </p> + <p> + "Sacristi! Que nous sommes attrappes," said the Abbe, scarcely able to + avoid laughing at the situation in which they were placed. + </p> + <p> + "Well, there's the quarter chiming now; we've no time to lose—Major + Jones! Major, darling! Don't now, ah, don't! sure ye know we'll be ruined + entirely—there now, just change it, like a dacent fellow—the + devil's luck to him, he's gone. Well, we can't stay here in the rain all + night, and be expelled in the morning afterwards—so come along." + </p> + <p> + They jogged on for a few minutes in silence, till they came to that part + of the "Duke's" demesne wall, where the first sentry was stationed. By + this time the officers, headed by the major, had quietly slipped out of + the gate, and were following their steps at a convenient distance. + </p> + <p> + The fathers had stopped to consult together, what they should do in this + trying emergency—when their whisper being overheard, the sentinel + called out gruffly, in the genuine dialect of his country, "who goes + that?" + </p> + <p> + "Father Luke Mooney, and the Abbe D'Array," said the former, in his most + bland and insinuating tone of voice, a quality he most eminently + possessed. + </p> + <p> + "Stand and give the countersign." + </p> + <p> + "We are coming from the mess, and going home to the college," said Father + Mooney, evading the question, and gradually advancing as he spoke. + </p> + <p> + "Stand, or I'll shot ye," said the North Corkian. + </p> + <p> + Father Luke halted, while a muttered "Blessed Virgin" announced his state + of fear and trepidation. + </p> + <p> + "D'Array, I say, what are we to do." + </p> + <p> + "The countersign," said the sentry, whose figure they could perceive in + the dim distance of about thirty yards. + </p> + <p> + "Sure ye'll let us pass, my good lad, and ye'll have a friend in Father + Luke the longest day ye live, and ye might have a worse in time of need; + ye understand." + </p> + <p> + Whether he did understand or not, he certainly did not heed, for his only + reply was the short click of his gun-lock, that bespeaks a preparation to + fire. + </p> + <p> + "There's no help now," said Father Luke; "I see he's a haythen; and bad + luck to the major, I say again;" and this in the fulness of his heart he + uttered aloud. + </p> + <p> + "That's not the countersign," said the inexorable sentry, striking the + butt end of the musket on the ground with a crash that smote terror into + the hearts of the priests. + </p> + <p> + Mumble—mumble—"to the Pope," said Father Luke, pronouncing the + last words distinctly, after the approved practice of a Dublin watchman, + on being awoke from his dreams of row and riot by the last toll of the + Post-office, and not knowing whether it has struck "twelve" or "three," + sings out the word "o'clock," in a long sonorous drawl, that wakes every + sleeping citizen, and yet tells nothing how "time speeds on his flight." + </p> + <p> + "Louder," said the sentry, in a voice of impatience. + </p> + <p> + _____ "to the Pope." + </p> + <p> + "I don't hear the first part." + </p> + <p> + "Oh then," said the priest, with a sigh that might have melted the heart + of anything but a sentry, "Bloody end to the Pope; and may the saints in + heaven forgive me for saying it." + </p> + <p> + "Again," called out the soldier; "and no muttering." + </p> + <p> + "Bloody end to the Pope," cried Father Luke in bitter desperation. + </p> + <p> + "Bloody end to the Pope," echoed the Abbe. + </p> + <p> + "Pass bloody end to the Pope, and good night," said the sentry, resuming + his rounds, while a loud and uproarious peal of laughter behind, told the + unlucky priests they were overheard by others, and that the story would be + over the whole town in the morning. + </p> + <p> + Whether it was that the penance for their heresy took long in + accomplishing, or that they never could summon courage sufficient to face + their persecutor, certain it is, the North Cork saw them no more, nor were + they ever observed to pass the precincts of the college, while that + regiment occupied Maynooth. + </p> + <p> + Major Jones himself, and his confederates, could not have more heartily + relished this story, than did the party to whom the doctor heartily + related it. Much, if not all the amusement it afforded, however, resulted + from his inimitable mode of telling, and the power of mimicry, with which + he conveyed the dialogue with the sentry: and this, alas, must be lost to + my readers, at least to that portion of them not fortunate enough to + possess Doctor Finucane's acquaintance. + </p> + <p> + "Fin! Fin! your long story has nearly famished me," said the padre, as the + laugh subsided; "and there you sit now with the jug at your elbow this + half-hour; I never thought you would forget our old friend Martin + Hanegan's aunt." + </p> + <p> + "Here's to her health," said Fin; "and your reverence will get us the + chant." + </p> + <p> + "Agreed," said Father Malachi, finishing a bumper, and after giving a few + preparatory hems, he sang the following "singularly wild and beautiful + poem," as some one calls Christabel:— + </p> + <table summary=""> + <tr> + <td> + "Here's a health to Martin Hanegan's aunt,<br /> And I'll tell ye the + reason why!<br /> She eats bekase she is hungry,<br /> And drinks bekase + she is dry.<br /> <br /> "And if ever a man,<br /> Stopped the course of + a can,<br /> Martin Hanegan's aunt would cry—<br /> 'Arrah, fill + up your glass,<br /> And let the jug pass;<br /> How d'ye know but what + your neighbour's dhry?"<br /> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + <p> + "Come, my lord and gentlemen, da capo, if ye please—Fill up your + glass," and the chanson was chorussed with a strength and vigour that + would have astonished the Philharmonic. + </p> + <p> + The mirth and fun now grew "fast and furious;" and Father Malachi, rising + with the occasion, flung his reckless drollery and fun on every side, + sparing none, from his cousin to the coadjutor. It was not that peculiar + period in the evening's enjoyment, when an expert and practical chairman + gives up all interference or management, and leaves every thing to take + its course; this then was the happy moment selected by Father Malachi to + propose the little "contrhibution." He brought a plate from a side table, + and placing it before him, addressed the company in a very brief but + sensible speech, detailing the object of the institution he was + advocating, and concluding with the following words:—"and now ye'll + just give whatever ye like, according to your means in life, and what ye + can spare." + </p> + <p> + The admonition, like the "morale" of an income tax, having the immediate + effect of pitting each man against his neighbour, and suggesting to their + already excited spirits all the ardour of gambling, without, however, a + prospect of gain. The plate was first handed to me in honour of my "rank," + and having deposited upon it a handful of small silver, the priest ran his + finger through the coin, and called out:— + </p> + <p> + "Five pounds! at least; not a farthing less, as I am a sinner. Look, then,—see + now; they tell ye, the gentlemen don't care for the like of ye! but see + for yourselves. May I trouble y'r lordship to pass the plate to Mr. Mahony—he's + impatient, I see." + </p> + <p> + Mr. Mahony, about whom I perceived very little of the impatience alluded + to, was a grim-looking old Christian, in a rabbit-skin waistcoat, with + long flaps, who fumbled in the recesses of his breeches pocket for five + minutes, and then drew forth three shillings, which he laid upon the + plate, with what I fancied very much resembled a sigh. + </p> + <p> + "Six and sixpence, is it? or five shillings?—all the same, Mr. + Mahony, and I'll not forget the thrifle you were speaking about this + morning any way;" and here he leaned over as interceding with me for him, + but in reality to whisper into my ear, "the greatest miser from this to + Castlebar." + </p> + <p> + "Who's that put down the half guinea in goold?" (And this time he spoke + truth.) "Who's that, I say?" + </p> + <p> + "Tim Kennedy, your reverence," said Tim, stroking his hair down with one + hand, and looking proud and modest at the same moment. + </p> + <p> + "Tim, ye're a credit to us any day, and I always said so. It's a gauger + he'd like to be, my lord," said he, turning to me, in a kind of stage + whisper. I nodded and muttered something, when he thanked me most + profoundly as if his suit had prospered. + </p> + <p> + "Mickey Oulahan—the lord's looking at ye, Mickey." This was said + piannisime across the table, and had the effect of increasing Mr. + Oulahan's donation from five shillings to seven—the last two being + pitched in very much in the style of a gambler making his final coup, and + crying "va banque." "The Oulahans were always dacent people—dacent + people, my lord." + </p> + <p> + "Be gorra, the Oulahans was niver dacenter nor the Molowneys, any how," + said a tall athletic young fellow, as he threw down three crown pieces, + with an energy that made every coin leap from the plate. + </p> + <p> + "They'll do now," said Father Brennan; "I'll leave them to themselves;" + and truly the eagerness to get the plate and put down the subscription, + fully equalled the rapacious anxiety I have witnessed in an old maid at + loo, to get possession of a thirty-shilling pool, be the same more or + less, which lingered on its way to her, in the hands of many a fair + competitor. + </p> + <p> + "Mr. M'Neesh"—Curzon had hitherto escaped all notice—"Mr. + M'Neesh, to your good health," cried Father Brennan. "It's many a secret + they'll be getting out o'ye down there about the Scotch husbandry." + </p> + <p> + Whatever poor Curzon knew of "drills," certainly did not extend to them + when occupied by turnips. This allusion of the priest's being caught up by + the party at the foot of the table, they commenced a series of inquiries + into different Scotch plans of tillage—his brief and unsatisfactory + answers to which, they felt sure, were given in order to evade imparting + information. By degrees, as they continued to press him with questions, + his replies grew more short, and a general feeling of dislike on both + sides was not very long in following. + </p> + <p> + The father saw this, and determining with his usual tact to repress it, + called on the adjutant for a song. Now, whether he had but one in the + world, or whether he took this mode of retaliating for the annoyances he + had suffered, I know not; but true it is, he finished his tumbler at a + draught, and with a voice of no very peculiar sweetness, though abundantly + loud, began "The Boyne Water." + </p> + <p> + He had just reached the word "battle," in the second line upon which he + was bestowing what he meant to be a shake, when, as if the word suggested + it, it seemed the signal for a general engagement. Decanters, glasses, + jugs, candlesticks,—aye, and the money-dish, flew right and left—all + originally intended, it is true, for the head of the luckless adjutant, + but as they now and then missed their aim, and came in contact with the + "wrong man," invariably provoked retaliation, and in a very few minutes + the battle became general. + </p> + <p> + What may have been the doctor's political sentiments on this occasion, I + cannot even guess; but he seemed bent upon performing the part of a + "convivial Lord Stanley," and maintaining a dignified neutrality. With + this apparent object, he mounted upon the table, to raise himself, I + suppose, above the din and commotion of party clamour, and brandishing a + jug of scalding water, bestowed it with perfect impartiality on the + combatants on either side. This Whig plan of conciliation, however well + intended, seemed not to prosper with either party; and many were the + missiles directed at the ill-starred doctor. Meanwhile Father Malachi, + whether following the pacific instinct of his order, in seeking an asylum + in troublesome times, or equally moved by old habit to gather coin in low + places, (much of the money having fallen,) was industriously endeavouring + to insert himself beneath the table; in this, with one vigorous push, he + at last succeeded, but in so doing lifted it from its legs, and thus + destroying poor "Fin's" gravity, precipitated him, jug and all, into the + thickest part of the fray, where he met with that kind reception such a + benefactor ever receives at the hands of a grateful public. I meanwhile + hurried to rescue poor Curzon, who, having fallen to the ground, was + getting a cast of his features taken in pewter, for such seemed the + operation a stout farmer was performing on the adjutant's face with a + quart. With considerable difficulty, notwithstanding my supposed + "lordship," I succeeded in freeing him from his present position; and he + concluding, probably, that enough had been done for one "sitting," most + willingly permitted me to lead him from the room. I was soon joined by the + doctor, who assisted me in getting my poor friend to bed; which being + done, he most eagerly entreated me to join the company. This, however, I + firmly but mildly declined, very much to his surprise; for as he remarked—"They'll + all be like lambs now, for they don't believe there's a whole bone in his + body." + </p> + <p> + Expressing my deep sense of the Christian-like forbearance of the party, I + pleaded fatigue, and bidding him good night, adjourned to my bed-room; and + here, although the arrangements fell somewhat short of the luxurious ones + appertaining to my late apartment at Callonby, they were most grateful at + the moment; and having "addressed myself to slumber," fell fast asleep, + and only awoke late on the following morning to wonder where I was: from + any doubts as to which I was speedily relieved by the entrance of the + priest's bare-footed "colleen," to deposit on my table a bottle of soda + water, and announce breakfast, with his reverence's compliments. + </p> + <p> + Having made a hasty toilet, I proceeded to the parlour, which, however + late events might have impressed upon my memory, I could scarcely + recognise. Instead of the long oak table and the wassail bowl, there stood + near the fire a small round table, covered with a snow—white cloth, + upon which shone in unrivalled brightness a very handsome tea equipage—the + hissing kettle on one hob was vis a vis'd by a gridiron with three newly + taken trout, frying under the reverential care of Father Malachi himself—a + heap of eggs ranged like shot in an ordnance yard, stood in the middle of + the table, while a formidable pile of buttered toast browned before the + grate—the morning papers were airing upon the hearth—every + thing bespoke that attention to comfort and enjoyment one likes to + discover in the house where chance may have domesticated him for a day or + two. + </p> + <p> + "Good morning, Mr. Lorrequer. I trust you have rested well," said Father + Malachi as I entered. + </p> + <p> + "Never better; but where are our friends?" + </p> + <p> + "I have been visiting and comforting them in their affliction, and I may + with truth assert it is not often my fortune to have three as sickly + looking guests. That was a most unlucky affair last night, and I must + apologise." + </p> + <p> + "Don't say a word, I entreat; I saw how it all occurred, and am quite sure + if it had not been for poor Curzon's ill-timed melody—" + </p> + <p> + "You are quite right," said the father interrupting me. "Your friend's + taste for music—bad luck to it—was the 'teterrima causa + belli.'" + </p> + <p> + "And the subscription," said I; "how did it succeed?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, the money went in the commotion; and although I have got some seven + pounds odd shillings of it, the war was a most expensive one to me. I + caught old Mahony very busy under the table during the fray; but let us + say no more about it now—draw over your chair. Tea or coffee? + there's the rum if you like it 'chasse.'" + </p> + <p> + I immediately obeyed the injunction, and commenced a vigorous assault upon + the trout, caught, as he informed me, "within twenty perches of the + house." + </p> + <p> + "Your poor friend's nose is scarcely regimental," said he, "this morning; + and as for Fin, he was never remarkable for beauty, so, though they might + cut and hack, they could scarcely disfigure him, as Juvenal says—isn't + it Juvenal? + </p> + <p> + "'Vacuus viator cantabit ante Latronem;' + </p> + <p> + "or in the vernacular: + </p> + <p> + "'The empty traveller may whistle Before the robber and his pistil' + (pistol)." + </p> + <p> + "There's the Chili vinegar—another morsel of the trout?" + </p> + <p> + "I thank you; what excellent coffee, Father Malachi!" + </p> + <p> + "A secret I learned at St. Omer's some thirty years since. Any letters, + Bridget?"—to a damsel that entered with a pacquet in her hand. + </p> + <p> + "A gossoon from Kilrush, y'r reverence, with a bit of a note for the + gentleman there." + </p> + <p> + "For me!—ah, true enough. Harry Lorrequer, Esq. Kilrush—try + Carrigaholt." So ran the superscription—the first part being in a + lady's handwriting; the latter very like the "rustic paling" of the worthy + Mrs. Healy's style. The seal was a large one, bearing a coronet at top, + and the motto in old Norman—French, told me it came from Callonby. + </p> + <p> + With what a trembling hand and beating heart I broke it open, and yet + feared to read it—so much of my destiny might be in that simple + page. For once in my life my sanguine spirit failed me; my mind could take + in but one casualty, that Lady Jane had divulged to her family the nature + of my attentions, and that in the letter before me lay a cold mandate of + dismissal from her presence for ever. + </p> + <p> + At last I summoned courage to read it; but having scrupled to present to + my readers the Reverend Father Brennan at the tail of a chapter, let me + not be less punctilious in the introduction of her ladyship's billet. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch7" id="ch7"></a>CHAPTER VII. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + THE LADY'S LETTER—PETER AND HIS ACQUAINTANCES—TOO LATE. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + Her ladyship's letter ran thus— + </p> + <blockquote> + <blockquote> + <p> + "Callonby, Tuesday morning. + </p> + <p> + "My dear Mr. Lorrequer,—My lord has deputed me to convey to you + our adieus, and at the same time to express our very great regret that + we should not have seen you before out departure from Ireland. A + sudden call of the House, and some unexpected ministerial changes, + require Lord Callonby's immediate presence in town; and probably + before this reaches you we shall be on the road. Lord Kilkee, who left + us yesterday, was much distressed at not having seen you—he + desired me to say you shall hear from him from Leamington. Although + writing amid all the haste and bustle of departure, I must not forget + the principal part of my commission, nor lady-like defer it to a + postscript: my lord entreats that you will, if possible, pass a month + or two with us in London this season; make any use of his name you + think fit at the Horse-Guards, where he has some influence. Knowing as + I do, with what kindness you ever accede to the wishes of your + friends, I need not say how much gratification this will afford us + all; but, sans response, we expect you. Believe me to remain, yours + very sincerely, + </p> + <p> + "Charlotte Callonby." + </p> + <p> + "P.S.—We are all quite well, except Lady Jane, who has a slight + cold, and has been feverish for the last day or two." + </p> + </blockquote> + </blockquote> + <p> + Words cannot convey any idea of the torrent of contending emotions under + which I perused this letter. The suddenness of the departure, without an + opportunity of even a moment's leave-taking, completely unmanned me. What + would I not have given to be able to see her once more, even for an + instant—to say "a good bye"—to watch the feeling with which + she parted from me, and augur from it either favourably to my heart's + dearest hope, or darkest despair. As I continued to read on, the kindly + tone of the remainder reassured me, and when I came to the invitation to + London, which plainly argued a wish on their part to perpetuate the + intimacy, I was obliged to read it again and again, before I could + convince myself of its reality. There it was, however, most distinctly and + legibly impressed in her ladyship's fairest calligraphy; and certainly + great as was its consequence to me at the time, it by no means formed the + principal part of the communication. The two lines of postscript contained + more, far more food for hopes and fears than did all the rest of the + epistle. + </p> + <p> + Lady Jane was ill then, slightly however—a mere cold; true, but she + was feverish. I could not help asking myself what share had I causing that + flushed cheek and anxious eye, and pictured to myself, perhaps with more + vividness than reality, a thousand little traits of manner, all proofs + strong as holy writ to my sanguine mind, that my affection was returned, + and that I loved not in vain. Again and again I read over the entire + letter; never truly did a nisi prius lawyer con over a new act of + parliament with more searching ingenuity, to detect its hidden meaning, + than did I to unravel through its plain phraseology the secret intention + of the writer towards me. + </p> + <p> + There is an old and not less true adage, that what we wish we readily + believe; and so with me—I found myself an easy convert to my own + hopes and desires, and actually ended by persuading myself—no very + hard task —that my Lord Callonby had not only witnessed but approved + of my attachment to his beautiful daughter, and for reasons probably known + to him, but concealed from me, opined that I was a suitable "parti," and + gave all due encouragement to my suit. The hint about using his lordship's + influence at the Horse guards I resolved to benefit by; not, however, in + obtaining leave of absence, which I hoped to accomplish more easily, but + with his good sanction in pushing my promotion, when I claimed him as my + right honorable father-in-law—a point, on the propriety of which, I + had now fully satisfied myself. What visions of rising greatness burst + upon my mind, as I thought on the prospect that opened before me; but here + let me do myself the justice to record, that amid all my pleasure and + exultation, my proudest thought, was in the anticipation of possessing one + in every way so much my superior—the very consciousness of which + imparted a thrill of fear to my heart, that such good fortune was too much + even to hope for. + </p> + <p> + How long I might have luxuriated in such Chateaux en Espagne, heaven + knows; thick and thronging fancies came abundantly to my mind, and it was + with something of the feeling of the porter in the Arabian Nights, as he + surveyed the fragments of his broken ware, hurled down in a moment of + glorious dreaminess, that I turned to look at the squat and unaristocratic + figure of Father Malachi, as he sat reading his newspaper before the fire. + How came I in such company; methinks the Dean of Windsor, or the Bishop of + Durham had been a much more seemly associate for one destined as I was for + the flood-tide of the world's favour. + </p> + <p> + My eye at this instant rested upon the date of the letter, which was that + of the preceding morning, and immediately a thought struck me that, as the + day was a louring and gloomy one, perhaps they might have deferred their + journey, and I at once determined to hasten to Callonby, and, if possible, + see them before their departure. + </p> + <p> + "Father Brennan," said I, at length, "I have just received a letter which + compels me to reach Kilrush as soon as possible. Is there any public + conveyance in the village?" + </p> + <p> + "You don't talk of leaving us, surely," said the priest, "and a haunch of + mutton for dinner, and Fin says he'll be down, and your friend, too, and + we'll have poor Beamish in on a sofa." + </p> + <p> + "I am sorry to say my business will not admit of delay, but, if possible, + I shall return to thank you for all you kindness, in a day or two— + perhaps tomorrow." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, then," said Father Brennan, "if it must be so, why you can have + 'Pether,' my own pad, and a better you never laid leg over; only give him + his own time, and let him keep the 'canter,' and he'll never draw up from + morning till night; and now I'll just go and have him in readiness for + you." + </p> + <p> + After professing my warm acknowledgments to the good father for his + kindness, I hastened to take a hurried farewell of Curzon before going. I + found him sitting up in bed taking his breakfast; a large strip of black + plaster, extending from the corner of one eye across the nose, and + terminating near the mouth, denoted the locale of a goodly wound, while + the blue, purple and yellow patches into which his face was partitioned + out, left you in doubt whether he now resembled the knave of clubs or a + new map of the Ordnance survey; one hand was wrapped up in a bandage, and + altogether a more rueful and woe-begone looking figure I have rarely + looked upon; and most certainly I am of opinion that the "glorious, pious + and immortal memory" would have brought pleasanter recollections to Daniel + O'Connell himself, than it would on that morning to the adjutant of his + majesty's 4_th. + </p> + <p> + "Ah, Harry," said he, as I entered, "what Pandemonium is this we've got + into? did you ever witness such a business as last night's?" + </p> + <p> + "Why truly," said I, "I know of no one to blame but yourself; surely you + must have known what a fracas your infernal song would bring on." + </p> + <p> + "I don't know now whether I knew it or not; but certainly at the moment I + should have preferred anything to the confounded cross-examination I was + under, and was glad to end it by any coup d'etat. One wretch was + persecuting me about green crops, and another about the feeding of + bullocks; about either of which I knew as much as a bear does of a + ballet." + </p> + <p> + "Well, truly, you caused a diversion at some expense to your countenance, + for I never beheld anything—" + </p> + <p> + "Stop there," said he, "you surely have not seen the doctor—he beats + me hollow—they have scarcely left so much hair on his head as would + do for an Indian's scalp lock; and, of a verity, his aspect is awful this + morning; he has just been here, and by-the-bye has told me all about your + affair with Beamish. It appears that somewhere you met him at dinner, and + gave a very flourishing account of a relative of his who you informed him + was not only selected for some very dashing service, but actually the + personal friend of Picton; and, after the family having blazed the matter + all over Cork, and given a great entertainment in honor of their kinsman, + it turns out that, on the glorious 19th, he ran away to Brussels faster + than even the French to Charleroi; for which act, however, there was no + aspersion ever cast upon his courage, that quality being defended at the + expense of his honesty; in a word, he was the paymaster of the company, + and had what Theodore Hook calls an 'affection of his chest,' that + required change of air. Looking only to the running away part of the + matter, I unluckily expressed some regret that he did not belong to the + North Cork, and I remarked the doctor did not seem to relish the allusion, + and as I only now remember, it was his regiment, I suppose I'm in for more + mischief." + </p> + <p> + I had no time to enjoy Curzon's dilemma, and had barely informed him of my + intended departure, when a voice from without the room proclaimed that + "Pether" was ready, and having commissioned the adjutant to say the + "proper" to Mr. Beamish and the doctor, hurried away, and after a hearty + shake of the hand from Father Brennan, and a faithful promise to return + soon, I mounted and set off. + </p> + <p> + Peter's pace was of all others the one least likely to disturb the + lucubrations of a castle-builder like myself; without any admonition from + whip or spur he maintained a steady and constant canter, which, I am free + to confess, was more agreeable to sit, than it was graceful to behold; for + his head being much lower than his tail, he every moment appeared in the + attitude of a diver about to plunge into the water, and more than once I + had misgivings that I would consult my safety better if I sat with my face + to the tail; however, what will not habit accomplish? before I had gone a + mile or two, I was so lost in my own reveries and reflections, that I knew + nothing of my mode of progression, and had only thoughts and feelings for + the destiny that awaited me; sometimes I would fancy myself seated in the + House of Commons, (on the ministerial benches, of course,) while some + leading oppositionist was pronouncing a glowing panegyric upon the + eloquent and statesmanlike speech of the gallant colonel—myself; + then I thought I was making arrangements for setting out for my new + appointment, and Sancho Panza never coveted the government of an island + more than I did, though only a West Indian one; and, lastly, I saw myself + the chosen diplomate on a difficult mission, and was actually engaged in + the easy and agreeable occupation of outmaneuvering Talleyrand and Pozzo + di Borgo, when Peter suddenly drew up at the door of a small cabin, and + convinced me that I was still a mortal man, and a lieutenant in his + Majesty's 4_th. Before I had time afforded me even to guess at the reason + of this sudden halt, an old man emerged from the cabin, which I saw now + was a road-side ale-house, and presented Peter with a bucket of meal and + water, a species of "viaticum" that he evidently was accustomed to, at + this place, whether bestrode by a priest or an ambassador. Before me lay a + long straggling street of cabins, irregularly thrown, as if riddled over + the ground; this I was informed was Kilkee; while my good steed, + therefore, was enjoying his potation, I dismounted, to stretch my legs and + look about me, and scarcely had I done so when I found half the population + of the village assembled round Peter, whose claims to notoriety, I now + learned, depended neither upon his owner's fame, nor even my temporary + possession of him. Peter, in fact, had been a racer, once—when, the + wandering Jew might perhaps have told, had he ever visited Clare—for + not the oldest inhabitant knew the date of his triumphs on the turf; + though they were undisputed traditions, and never did any man appear bold + enough to call them in question: whether it was from his patriarchal + character, or that he was the only race-horse ever known in his county I + cannot say, but, of a truth, the Grand Lama could scarcely be a greater + object of reverence in Thibet, than was Peter in Kilkee. + </p> + <p> + "Musha, Peter, but it's well y'r looking," cried one. + </p> + <p> + "Ah, thin, maybe ye an't fat on the ribs," cried another. + </p> + <p> + "An' cockin' his tail like a coult," said a third. + </p> + <p> + I am very certain, if I might venture to judge from the faces about, that, + had the favourite for the St. Leger, passed through Kilkee at that moment, + comparisons very little to his favor had been drawn from the assemblage + around me. With some difficulty I was permitted to reach my much admired + steed, and with a cheer, which was sustained and caught up by every + denizen of the village as I passed through, I rode on my way, not a little + amused at my equivocal popularity. + </p> + <p> + Being desirous to lose no time, I diverged from the straight road which + leads to Kilrush, and took a cross bridle-path to Callonby; this, I + afterwards discovered was a detour of a mile or two, and it was already + sun-set when I reached the entrance to the park. I entered the avenue, and + now my impatience became extreme, for although Peter continued to move at + the same uniform pace, I could not persuade myself that he was not + foundering at every step, and was quite sure we were scarcely advancing; + at last I reached the wooden bridge, and ascended the steep slope, the + spot where I had first met her, on whom my every thought now rested. I + turned the angle of the clump of beech trees from whence the first view of + the house is caught—I perceived to my inexpressible delight that + gleams of light shone from many of the windows, and could trace their + passing from one to the other. I now drew rein, and with a heart relieved + from a load of anxiety, pulled up my good steed, and began to think of the + position in which a few brief seconds would place me. I reached the small + flower-garden, sacred by a thousand endearing recollections. Oh! of how + very little account are the many words of passing kindness, and moments of + light-hearted pleasure, when spoken or felt, compared to the memory of + them when hallowed by time or distance. + </p> + <p> + "The place, the hour, the sunshine and the shade," all reminded me of the + happy past, and all brought vividly before me every portion of that dream + of happiness in which I was so utterly—so completely steeped—every + thought of the hopelessness of my passion was lost in the intensity of it, + and I did not, in the ardour of my loving, stop to think of its possible + success. + </p> + <p> + It was strange enough that the extreme impatience, the hurried anxiety, I + had felt and suffered from, while riding up the avenue, had now fled + entirely, and in its place I felt nothing but a diffident distrust of + myself, and a vague sense of awkwardness about intruding thus unexpectedly + upon the family, while engaged in all the cares and preparations for a + speedy departure. The hall-door lay as usual wide open, the hall itself + was strewn and littered with trunks, imperials, and packing-cases, and the + hundred et ceteras of travelling baggage. I hesitated a moment whether I + should not ring, but at last resolved to enter unannounced, and, presuming + upon my intimacy, see what effect my sudden appearance would have on Lady + Jane, whose feelings towards me would be thus most unequivocally tested. I + passed along the wide corridor, entered the music-room—it was still—I + walked then to the door of the drawing-room—I paused—I drew a + full breath—my hand trembled slightly as I turned the lock—I + entered—the room was empty, but the blazing fire upon the hearth, + the large arm-chairs drawn around, the scattered books upon the small + tables, all told that it had been inhabited a very short time before. Ah! + thought I, looking at my watch, they are at dinner, and I began at once to + devise a hundred different plans to account for my late absence and + present visit. I knew that a few minutes would probably bring them into + the drawing-room, and I felt flurried and heated as the time drew near. At + last I heard voices without—I started from the examination of a + pencil drawing but partly finished, but the artist of which I could not be + deceived in—I listened —the sounds drew near—I could not + distinguish who were the speakers—the door-lock turned, and I rose + to make my well-conned, but half-forgotten speech; and oh, confounded + disappointment, Mrs. Herbert, the house-keeper, entered. She started, not + expecting to see me, and immediately said, + </p> + <p> + "Oh! Mr. Lorrequer! then you've missed them." + </p> + <p> + "Missed them!" said I; "how—when—where?" + </p> + <p> + "Did you not get a note from my lord?" + </p> + <p> + "No; when was it written?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, dear me, that is so very unfortunate. Why, sir, my lord sent off a + servant this morning to Kilrush, in Lord Kilkee's tilbury, to request you + would meet them all in Ennis this evening, where they had intended to stop + for to-night; and they waited here till near four o'clock to-day, but when + the servant came back with the intelligence that you were from home, and + not expected to return soon, they were obliged to set out, and are not + going to make any delay now, till they reach London. The last direction, + however, my lord gave, was to forward her ladyship's letter to you as soon + as possible." + </p> + <p> + What I thought, said, or felt, might be a good subject of confession to + Father Malachi, for I fear it may be recorded among my sins, as I doubt + not that the agony I suffered vented itself in no measured form of speech + or conduct; but I have nothing to confess here on the subject, being so + totally overwhelmed as not to know what I did or said. My first gleam of + reason elicited itself by asking, + </p> + <p> + "Is there, then, no chance of their stopping in Ennis to-night?" As I put + the question my mind reverted to Peter and his eternal canter. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, dear, no, sir; the horses are ordered to take them, since Tuesday; + and they only thought of staying in Ennis, if you came time enough to meet + them—and they will be so sorry." + </p> + <p> + "Do you think so, Mrs. Herbert? do you, indeed, think so?" said I, in a + most insinuating tone. + </p> + <p> + "I am perfectly sure of it, sir." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, Mrs. Herbert, you are too kind to think so; but perhaps—that is—may + be, Mrs. Herbert, she said something—" + </p> + <p> + "Who, sir?" + </p> + <p> + "Lady Callonby, I mean; did her ladyship leave any message for me about + her plants? or did she remember—" + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Herbert kept looking at me all the time, with her great wide grey + eyes, while I kept stammering and blushing like a school-boy. + </p> + <p> + "No, sir; her ladyship said nothing, sir; but Lady Jane—" + </p> + <p> + "Yes; well, what of Lady Jane, my dear Mrs. Herbert?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, sir! but you look pale; would not you like to have a little wine and + water—or perhaps—" + </p> + <p> + "No, thank you, nothing whatever; I am just a little fatigued—but + you were mentioning—" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, sir; I was saying that Lady Jane was mighty particular about a small + plant; she ordered it to be left in her dressing-room, though Collins told + her to have some of the handsome ones of the green-house, she would have + nothing but this; and if you were only to hear half the directions she + gave about keeping it watered, and taking off dead leaves, you'd think her + heart was set on it." + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Herbert would have had no cause to prescribe for my paleness had she + only looked at me this time; fortunately, however, she was engaged, + housekeeper-like, in bustling among books, papers, which she had come in + for the purpose of arranging and packing up. She being left behind to + bring up the rear, and the heavy baggage. + </p> + <p> + Very few moments' consideration were sufficient to show me that pursuit + was hopeless; whatever might have been Peter's performance in the reign of + "Queen Anne," he had now become like the goose so pathetically described + by my friend Lover, rather "stiff in his limbs," and the odds were + fearfully against his overtaking four horses, starting fresh every ten + miles, not to mention their being some hours in advance already. Having + declined all Mrs. Herbert's many kind offers, anent food and rest, I took + a last lingering look at the beautiful pictures, which still held its + place in the room lately mine, and hurried from a place so full of + recollections; and, notwithstanding the many reasons I had for + self-gratulation, every object around and about, filled me with sorrow and + regret for hours that had passed—never, never to return. + </p> + <p> + It was very late when I reached my old quarters at Kilrush; Mrs. Healy + fortunately was in bed asleep—fortunately I say, for had she + selected that occasion to vent her indignation for my long absence, I + greatly fear that, in my then temper I should have exhibited but little of + that Job-like endurance for which I was once esteemed; I entered my little + mean-looking parlour, with its three chairs and lame table, and, as I + flung myself upon the wretched substitute for a sofa, and thought upon the + varied events which a few weeks had brought about; it required the aid of + her ladyship's letter, which I opened before me, to assure me I was not + dreaming. + </p> + <p> + The entire of that night I could not sleep; my destiny seemed upon its + balance; and, whether the scale inclined to this side or that, good or + evil fortune seemed to betide me. How many were my plans and resolutions, + and how often abandoned; again to be pondered over, and once more given + up. The grey dawn of the morning was already breaking, and found me still + doubting and uncertain. At last the die was thrown; I determined at once + to apply for leave to my commanding officer, (which he could, if he + pleased, give me, without any application to the Horse Guards,) set out + for Elton, tell Sir Guy my whole adventure, and endeavour, by a more + moving love story than ever graced even the Minerva Press, to induce him + to make some settlement on me, and use his influence with Lord Callonby in + my behalf; this done, set out for London, and then —and then—what + then?—then for the Morning Post—"Cadeau de noces"—"happy + couple"—"Lord Callonby's seat in Hampshire," + </p> + <p> + "You wished to be called at five, sir," said Stubber. + </p> + <p> + "Yes; is it five o'clock?" + </p> + <p> + "No, sir; but I heard you call out something about 'four horses,' and I + thought you might be hurried, so I came a little earlier." + </p> + <p> + "Quite right, Stubber; let me have my breakfast as soon as possible, and + see that chestnut horse I brought here last night, fed." + </p> + <p> + "And now for it," said I, after writing a hurried note to Curzon, + requesting him to take command of my party at Kilrush, till he heard from + me, and sending my kindest remembrance to my three friends; I despatched + the epistle by my servant on Peter, while I hastened to acquire a place in + the mail for Ennis, on the box seat of which let my kind reader suppose me + seated, as wrapping my box-coat around me, I lit my cigar and turned my + eyes towards Limerick. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch8" id="ch8"></a>CHAPTER VIII. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + CONGRATULATIONS—SICK LEAVE—HOW TO PASS THE BOARD. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + I had scarcely seated myself to breakfast at Swinburn's hotel in Limerick, + when the waiter presented me with a letter. As my first glance at the + address showed it to be in Colonel Carden's handwriting, I felt not a + little alarmed for the consequences of the rash step I had taken in + leaving my detachment; and, while quickly thronging fancies of arrest and + courtmartial flitted before me, I summoned resolution at last to break the + seal, and read as follows:— + </p> + <blockquote> + <blockquote> + <p> + "My dear Lorrequer," ("dear Lorrequer!" dear me, thought I; cool + certainly, from one I have ever regarded as an open enemy)—"My + dear Lorrequer, I have just accidentally heard of your arrival here, + and hasten to inform you, that, as it may not be impossible your + reasons for so abruptly leaving your detachment are known to me, I + shall not visit your breach of discipline very heavily. My old and + worthy friend, Lord Callonby, who passed through here yesterday, has + so warmly interested himself in your behalf, that I feel disposed to + do all in my power to serve you; independently of my desire to do so + on your own account. Come over here, then, as soon as possible, and + let us talk over your plans together. + </p> + <p> + "Believe me, most truly yours,<br /> "Henry Carden.<br /> "Barracks, 10 + o'clock." + </p> + </blockquote> + </blockquote> + <p> + However mysterious and difficult to unravel, have been some of the + circumstances narrated in these "Confessions," I do not scruple to avow + that the preceding letter was to me by far the most inexplicable piece of + fortune I had hitherto met with. That Lord Callonby should have converted + one whom I believed an implacable foe, into a most obliging friend, was + intelligible enough, seeing that his lordship had through life been the + patron of the colonel; but why he had so done, and what communications he + could possibly have made with regard to me, that Colonel Carden should + speak of "my plans" and proffer assistance in them was a perfect riddle; + and the only solution, one so ridiculously flattering that I dared not + think of it. I read and re-read the note; misplaced the stops; canvassed + every expression; did all to detect a meaning different from the obvious + one, fearful of a self-deception where so much was at stake. Yet there it + stood forth, a plain straightforward proffer of services, for some object + evidently known to the writer; and my only conclusion, from all, was this, + that "my Lord Callonby was the gem of his order, and had a most remarkable + talent for selecting a son-in-law." + </p> + <p> + I fell into a deep reverie upon my past life, and the prospects which I + now felt were opening before me. Nothing seemed extravagant to hopes so + well founded—to expectations so brilliant—and, in my mind's + eye, I beheld myself at one moment leading my young and beautiful bride + through the crowded salons of Devonshire House; and, at the next, I was + contemplating the excellence and perfection of my stud arrangements at + Melton, for I resolved not to give up hunting. While in this pleasurable + exercise of my fancy, I was removing from before me some of the breakfast + equipage, or, as I then believed it, breaking the trees into better groups + upon my lawn, I was once more brought to the world and its dull reality, + by the following passage which my eye fell upon in the newspaper before me—"We + understand that the 4_th are daily expecting the route for Cork, from + whence they are to sail, early in the ensuing month for Halifax, to + relieve the 99th." While it did not take a moment's consideration to show + me that though the regiment there mentioned was the one I belonged to, I + could have no possible interest in the announcement; it never coming into + my calculation that I should submit to such expatriation; yet it gave me a + salutary warning that there was no time to be lost in making my + application for leave, which, once obtained, I should have ample time to + manage an exchange into another corps. The wonderful revolution a few days + had effected in all my tastes and desires, did not escape me at this + moment. But a week or two before and I should have regarded an order for + foreign service as anything rather than unpleasant—now the thought + was insupportable. Then there would have been some charm to me in the very + novelty of the locale, and the indulgence of that vagrant spirit I have + ever possessed; for, like Justice Woodcock, "I certainly should have been + a vagabond if Providence had not made me a justice of the peace"—now, + I could not even contemplate the thing as possible; and would have + actually refused the command of a regiment, if the condition of its + acceptance were to sail for the colonies. + </p> + <p> + Besides, I tried—and how ingenious is self-deception—I tried + to find arguments in support of my determination totally different from + the reasons which governed me. I affected to fear climate, and to dread + the effect of the tropics upon my health. It may do very well, thought I, + for men totally destitute of better prospects; with neither talent, + influence or powerful connexion, to roast their cheeks at Sierra Leone, or + suck a sugar-cane at St. Lucia. But that you, Harry Lorrequer, should + waste your sweetness upon planters' daughters—that have only to be + known, to have the world at your feet! The thing is absurd, and not to be + thought of! Yes, said I half aloud—we read in the army list, that + Major A. is appointed to the 50th, and Capt. B. to the 12th; but how much + more near the truth would it be, to say—"That His Majesty, in + consideration of the distinguished services of the one, has been + graciously pleased to appoint him to—a case of blue and collapsed + cholera, in India; and also, for the bravery and gallant conduct of the + other, in his late affair with the 'How-dow-dallah Indians,' has promoted + him to the—yellow fever now devastating and desolating Jamaica." How + far my zeal for the service might have carried me on this point, I know + not; for I was speedily aroused from my musings by the loud tramp of feet + upon the stairs, and the sound of many well-known voices of my brother + officers, who were coming to visit me. + </p> + <p> + "So, Harry, my boy," said the fat major as he entered; "is it true we are + not to have the pleasure of your company to Jamaica this time?" + </p> + <p> + "He prefers a pale face, it seems, to a black one; and certainly, with + thirty thousand in the same scale, the taste is excusable." + </p> + <p> + "But, Lorrequer," said a third, "we heard that you had canvassed the + county on the Callonby interest. Why, man, where do you mean to pull up?" + </p> + <p> + "As for me," lisped a large-eyed, white-haired ensign of three months' + standing, "I think it devilish hard, old Carden didn't send ME down there, + too, for I hear there are two girls in the family. Eh, Lorrequer?" + </p> + <p> + Having with all that peculiar bashfulness such occasions are sure to + elicit, disclaimed the happiness my friends so clearly ascribed to me, I + yet pretty plainly let it be understood that the more brilliant they + supposed my present prospects to be, the more near were they to estimate + them justly. One thing certainly gratified me throughout. All seemed + rejoiced at my good fortune, and even the old Scotch paymaster made no + more caustic remark than that he "wad na wonder if the chiel's black + whiskers wad get him made governor of Stirling Castle before he'd dee." + </p> + <p> + Should any of my most patient listeners to these my humble confessions, + wonder either here, or elsewhere, upon what very slight foundations I + built these my "Chateaux en Espagne," I have only one answer—"that + from my boyhood I have had a taste for florid architecture, and would + rather put up with any inconvenience of ground, than not build at all." + </p> + <p> + As it was growing late I hurriedly bade adieu to my friends, and hastened + to Colonel Carden's quarters, where I found him waiting for me, in company + with my old friend, Fitzgerald, our regimental surgeon. Our first + greetings over, the colonel drew me aside into a window, and said that, + from certain expressions Lord Callonby had made use of—certain hints + he had dropped—he was perfectly aware of the delicate position in + which I stood with respect to his lordship's family. "In fact, my dear + Lorrequer," he continued, "without wishing in the least to obtrude myself + upon your confidence, I must yet be permitted to say, you are the luckiest + fellow in Europe, and I most sincerely congratulate you on the prospect + before you." + </p> + <p> + "But, my dear Colonel, I assure you—" + </p> + <p> + "Well, well, there—not a word more; don't blush now. I know there is + always a kind of secrecy thought necessary on these occasions, for the + sake of other parties; so let us pass to your plans. From what I have + collected, you have not yet proposed formally. But, of course you desire a + leave. You'll not quit the army, I trust; no necessity for that; such + influence as yours can always appoint you to an unattached commission." + </p> + <p> + "Once more let me protest, sir, that though for certain reasons most + desirous to obtain a leave of absence, I have not the most remote—" + </p> + <p> + "That's right, quite right; I am sincerely gratified to hear you say so, + and so will be Lord Callonby; for he likes the service." + </p> + <p> + And thus was my last effort at a disclaimer cut short by the loquacious + little colonel, who regarded my unfinished sentence as a concurrence with + his own opinion. + </p> + <p> + "Allah il Allah," thought I, "it is my Lord Callonby's own plot; and his + friend Colonel Cardon aids and abets him." + </p> + <p> + "Now, Lorrequer," resumed the colonel, "let us proceed. You have, of + course, heard that we are ordered abroad; mere newspaper report for the + present; nevertheless, it is extremely difficult—almost impossible, + without a sick certificate, to obtain a leave sufficiently long for your + purpose." + </p> + <p> + And here he smirked, and I blushed, selon les regles.. + </p> + <p> + "A sick certificate," said I in some surprise. + </p> + <p> + "The only thing for you," said Fitzgerald, taking a long pinch of snuff; + "and I grieve to say you have a most villainous look of good health about + you." + </p> + <p> + "I must acknowledge I have seldom felt better." + </p> + <p> + "So much the worse—so much the worse," said Fitzgerald despondingly. + "Is there no family complaint; no respectable heir-loom of infirmity, you + can lay claim to from your kindred?" + </p> + <p> + "None, that I know of, unless a very active performance on the several + occasions of breakfast, dinner, and supper, with a tendency towards port, + and an inclination to sleep ten in every twenty-four hours, be a sign of + sickness; these symptoms I have known many of the family suffer for years, + without the slightest alleviation, though, strange as it may appear, they + occasionally had medical advice." + </p> + <p> + Fitz. took no notice of my sneer at the faculty, but proceeded to strike + my chest several times, with his finger tips. "Try a short cough now," + said he. "Ah, that will never do!" + </p> + <p> + "Do you ever flush. Before dinner I mean?" + </p> + <p> + "Occasionally, when I meet with a luncheon." + </p> + <p> + "I'm fairly puzzled," said poor Fitz. throwing himself into a chair; "gout + is a very good thing; but, then, you see you are only a sub., and it is + clearly against the articles of war, to have it before being a field + officer at least. Apoplexy is the best I can do for you; and, to say the + truth, any one who witnesses your performance at mess, may put faith in + the likelihood of it. + </p> + <p> + "Do you think you could get up a fit for the medical board," said Fitz., + gravely. + </p> + <p> + "Why, if absolutely indispensable," said I, "and with good instruction—something + this way. Eh, is it not?" + </p> + <p> + "Nothing of the kind: you are quite wrong." + </p> + <p> + "Is there not always a little laughing and crying," said I. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, no, no; take the cue from the paymaster any evening after mess, and + you'll make no mistake—very florid about the cheeks; rather a lazy + look in one eye, the other closed up entirely; snore a little from time to + time, and don't be too much disposed to talk." + </p> + <p> + "And you think I may pass muster in this way." + </p> + <p> + "Indeed you may, if old Camie, the inspector, happen to be (what he is not + often) in a good humour. But I confess I'd rather you were really ill, for + we've passed a great number of counterfeits latterly, and we may be all + pulled up ere long." + </p> + <p> + "Not the less grateful for your kindness," said I; "but still, I'd rather + matters stood as they do." + </p> + <p> + Having, at length, obtained a very formidable statement of my 'case' from + the Doctor, and a strong letter from the Colonel, deploring the temporary + loss of so promising a young officer, I committed myself and my + portmanteau to the inside of his Majesty's mail, and started for Dublin + with as light a heart and high spirits, as were consistent with so much + delicacy of health, and the directions of my Doctor. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch9" id="ch9"></a>CHAPTER IX. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + THE ROAD—TRAVELLING ACQUAINTANCES—A PACKET ADVENTURE. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + <a name="Mrs._Mulrooney_and_Sir_Stewart_Moore" + id="Mrs._Mulrooney_and_Sir_Stewart_Moore">Mrs. Mulrooney and Sir Stewart + Moore</a> + </h3> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%;"> + <img alt="Ch 09 Mrs. Mulrooney.jpg (86K)" + src="images/Ch%2009%20%20Mrs%20Mulrooney.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <a href="images2/Ch%2009%20%20Mrs%20Mulrooney.jpg">BLACK AND WHITE IMAGE</a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + I shall not stop now to narrate the particulars of my visit to the + worthies of the medical board; the rather, as some of my "confessions to + come" have reference to Dublin, and many of those that dwell therein. I + shall therefore content myself here with stating, that without any + difficulty I obtained a six months' leave, and having received much advice + and more sympathy from many members of that body, took a respectful leave + of them, and adjourned to Bilton's where I had ordered dinner, and (as I + was advised to live low) a bottle of Sneyd's claret. My hours in Dublin + were numbered; at eight o'clock on the evening of my arrival I hastened to + the Pidgeon House pier, to take my berth in the packet for Liverpool; and + here, gentle reader, let me implore you if you have bowels of compassion, + to commiserate the condition of a sorry mortal like myself. In the days of + which I now speak, steam packets were not—men knew not then, of the + pleasure of going to a comfortable bed in Kingstown harbour, and waking on + the morning after in the Clarence dock at Liverpool, with only the + addition of a little sharper appetite for breakfast, before they set out + on an excursion of forty miles per hour through the air. + </p> + <p> + In the time I have now to commemorate, the intercourse between the two + countries was maintained by two sailing vessels of small tonnage, and + still scantier accommodation. Of the one now in question I well recollect + the name—she was called the "Alert," and certainly a more + unfortunate misnomer could scarcely be conceived. Well, there was no + choice; so I took my place upon the crowded deck of the little craft, and + in a drizzling shower of chilly rain, and amid more noise, confusion, and + bustle, than would prelude the launch of a line-of-battle ship, we + "sidled," goose-fashion, from the shore, and began our voyage towards + England. + </p> + <p> + It is not my intention, in the present stage of "my Confessions," to delay + on the road towards an event which influenced so powerfully, and so + permanently, my after life; yet I cannot refrain from chronicling a slight + incident which occurred on board the packet, and which, I have no doubt, + may be remembered by some of those who throw their eyes on these pages. + </p> + <p> + One of my fellow-passengers was a gentleman holding a high official + appointment in the viceregal court, either comptroller of the household, + master of the horse, or something else equally magnificent; however, + whatever the nature of the situation, one thing is certain—one + possessed of more courtly manners, and more polished address, cannot be + conceived, to which he added all the attractions of a very handsome person + and a most prepossessing countenance. The only thing the most scrupulous + critic could possibly detect as faulty in his whole air and bearing, was a + certain ultra refinement and fastidiousness, which in a man of + acknowledged family and connections was somewhat unaccountable, and + certainly unnecessary. The fastidiousness I speak of, extended to + everything round and about him; he never eat of the wrong dish, nor spoke + to the wrong man in his life, and that very consciousness gave him a kind + of horror of chance acquaintances, which made him shrink within himself + from persons in every respect his equals. Those who knew Sir Stewart + Moore, will know I do not exaggerate in either my praise or censure, and + to those who have not had that pleasure, I have only to say, theirs was + the loss, and they must take my word for the facts. + </p> + <p> + The very antithesis to the person just mentioned, was another passenger + then on board. She, for even in sex they were different—she was a + short, squat, red-faced, vulgar-looking woman, of about fifty, possessed + of a most garrulous tendency, and talking indiscriminately with every one + about her, careless what reception her addresses met with, and quite + indifferent to the many rebuffs she momentarily encountered. To me by what + impulse driven Heaven knows this amorphous piece of womanhood seemed + determined to attach herself. Whether in the smoky and almost impenetrable + recesses of the cabin, or braving the cold and penetrating rain upon deck, + it mattered not, she was ever at my side, and not only martyring me by the + insufferable annoyance of her vulgar loquacity, but actually, from the + appearance of acquaintanceship such constant association gave rise to, + frightening any one else from conversing with me, and rendering me, ere + many hours, a perfect pariah among the passengers. By not one were we—for, + alas, we had become Siamese—so thoroughly dreaded as by the refined + baronet I have mentioned; he appeared to shrink from our very approach, + and avoided us as though we had the plagues of Egypt about us. I saw this—I + felt it deeply, and as deeply and resolutely I vowed to be revenged, and + the time was not long distant in affording me the opportunity. + </p> + <p> + The interesting Mrs. Mulrooney, for such was my fair companion called, was + on the present occasion making her debut on what she was pleased to call + the "says;" she was proceeding to the Liverpool market as proprietor and + supercargo over some legion of swine that occupied the hold of the vessel, + and whose mellifluous tones were occasionally heard in all parts of the + ship. Having informed me on these, together with some circumstances of her + birth and parentage, she proceeded to narrate some of the cautions given + by her friends as to her safety when making such a long voyage, and also + to detail some of the antiseptics to that dread scourge, sea-sickness, in + the fear and terror of which she had come on board, and seemed every hour + to be increasing in alarm about. + </p> + <p> + "Do you think then sir, that pork is no good agin the sickness? Mickey, + that's my husband, sir, says it's the only thing in life for it, av it's + toasted." + </p> + <p> + "Not the least use, I assure you." + </p> + <p> + "Nor sperits and wather?" + </p> + <p> + "Worse and worse, ma'am." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, thin, maybe oaten mail tay would do? it's a beautiful thing for the + stomick, any how." + </p> + <p> + "Rank poison on the present occasion, believe me." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, then, blessed Mary, what am I to do—what is to become of me?" + </p> + <p> + "Go down at once to your berth, ma'am; lie still and without speaking till + we come in sight of land; or," and here a bright thought seized me, "if + you really feel very ill, call for that man there, with the fur collar on + his coat; he can give you the only thing I ever knew of any efficacy; he's + the steward, ma'am, Stewart Moore; but you must be on your guard too as + you are a stranger, for he's a conceited fellow, and has saved a trifle, + and sets up for a half gentleman; so don't be surprised at his manner; + though, after all, you may find him very different; some people, I've + heard, think him extremely civil." + </p> + <p> + "And he has a cure, ye say?" + </p> + <p> + "The only one I ever heard of; it is a little cordial of which you take, I + don't know how much, every ten or fifteen minutes." + </p> + <p> + "And the naygur doesn't let the saycret out, bad manners to him?" + </p> + <p> + "No, ma'am; he has refused every offer on the subject.' + </p> + <p> + "May I be so bowld as to ax his name again?" + </p> + <p> + "Stewart Moore, ma'am. Moore is the name, but people always call him + Stewart Moore; just say that in a loud clear voice, and you'll soon have + him." + </p> + <p> + With the most profuse protestations of gratitude and promises of pork "at + discretion," if I ever sojourned at Ballinasloe, my fair friend proceeded + to follow my advice, and descended to the cabin. + </p> + <p> + Some hours after, I also betook myself to my rest, from which, however, + towards midnight I was awoke by the heavy working and pitching of the + little vessel, as she laboured in a rough sea. As I looked forth from my + narrow crib, a more woe-begone picture can scarcely be imagined than that + before me. Here and there through the gloomy cabin lay the victims of the + fell malady, in every stage of suffering, and in every attitude of misery. + Their cries and lamentings mingled with the creaking of the bulk-heads and + the jarring twang of the dirty lamp, whose irregular swing told plainly + how oscillatory was our present motion. I turned from the unpleasant + sight, and was about again to address myself to slumber with what success + I might, when I started at the sound of a voice in the very berth next to + me—whose tones, once heard, there was no forgetting. The words ran + as nearly as I can recollect thus:— + </p> + <p> + "Oh, then, bad luck to ye for pigs, that ever brought me into the like of + this. Oh, Lord, there it is again." And here a slight interruption to + eloquence took place, during which I was enabled to reflect upon the + author of the complaint, who, I need not say, was Mrs. Mulrooney. + </p> + <p> + "I think a little tay would settle my stomach, if I only could get it; but + what's the use of talking in this horrid place? They never mind me no more + than if I was a pig. Steward, steward—oh, then, it's wishing you + well I am for a steward. Steward, I say;" and this she really did say, + with an energy of voice and manner that startled more than one sleeper. + "Oh, you're coming at last, steward." + </p> + <p> + "Ma'am," said a little dapper and dirty personage, in a blue jacket, with + a greasy napkin negligently thrown over one arm "ex officio," "Ma'am, did + you call?" + </p> + <p> + "Call, is it call? No; but I'm roaring for you this half hour. Come here. + Have you any of the cordial dhrops agin the sickness?—you know what + I mean." + </p> + <p> + "Is it brandy, ma'am?" + </p> + <p> + "No, it isn't brandy;" + </p> + <p> + "We have got gin, ma'am, and bottled porter—cider, ma'am, if you + like." + </p> + <p> + "Agh, no! sure I want the dhrops agin the sickness." + </p> + <p> + "Don't know indeed, ma'am." + </p> + <p> + "Ah, you stupid creature; maybe you're not the real steward. What's your + name?" + </p> + <p> + "Smith, ma'am." + </p> + <p> + "Ah, I thought so; go away, man, go away." + </p> + <p> + This injunction, given in a diminuendo cadence, was quickly obeyed, and + all was silence for a moment or two. Once more was I dropping asleep, when + the same voice as before burst out with— + </p> + <p> + "Am I to die here like a haythen, and nobody to come near me? Steward, + steward, steward Moore, I say," + </p> + <p> + "Who calls me?" said a deep sonorous voice from the opposite side of the + cabin, while at the same instant a tall green silk nightcap, surmounting a + very aristocratic-looking forehead, appeared between the curtains of the + opposite berth. + </p> + <p> + "Steward Moore," said the lady again, with her eyes straining in the + direction of the door by which she expected him to enter. + </p> + <p> + "This is most strange," muttered the baronet, half aloud. "Why, madam, you + are calling me!" + </p> + <p> + "And if I am," said Mrs. Mulrooney, "and if ye heerd me, have ye no + manners to answer your name, eh? Are ye steward Moore?" + </p> + <p> + "Upon my soul ma'am I thought so last night, when I came on board; but you + really have contrived to make me doubt my own identity." + </p> + <p> + "And is it there ye're lying on the broad of yer back, and me as sick as a + dog fornent ye?" + </p> + <p> + "I concede ma'am the fact; the position is a most irksome one on every + account." + </p> + <p> + "Then why don't ye come over to me?" and this Mrs. Mulrooney said with a + voice of something like tenderness—wishing at all hazards to + conciliate so important a functionary. + </p> + <p> + "Why, really you are the most incomprehensible person I ever met." + </p> + <p> + "I'm what?" said Mrs. Mulrooney, her blood rushing to her face and temples + as she spoke—for the same reason as her fair townswoman is reported + to have borne with stoical fortitude every harsh epithet of the language, + until it occurred to her opponent to tell her that "the divil a bit better + she was nor a pronoun;" so Mrs. Mulrooney, taking "omne ignotum pro + horribili," became perfectly beside herself at the unlucky phrase. "I'm + what? repate it av ye dare, and I'll tear yer eyes out? Ye dirty bla—guard, + to be lying there at yer ease under the blankets, grinning at me. What's + your thrade—answer me that—av it isn't to wait on the ladies, + eh?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, the woman must be mad," said Sir Stewart. + </p> + <p> + "The devil a taste mad, my dear—I'm only sick. Now just come over to + me, like a decent creature, and give me the dhrop of comfort ye have. + Come, avick." + </p> + <p> + "Go over to you?" + </p> + <p> + "Ay, and why not? or if it's so lazy ye are, why then I'll thry and cross + over to your side." + </p> + <p> + These words being accompanied by a certain indication of change of + residence on the part of Mrs. Mulrooney, Sir Stewart perceived there was + no time to lose, and springing from his berth, he rushed half-dressed + through the cabin, and up the companion-ladder, just as Mrs. Mulrooney had + protruded a pair of enormous legs from her couch, and hung for a moment + pendulous before she dropped upon the floor, and followed him to the deck. + A tremendous shout of laughter from the sailors and deck passengers + prevented my hearing the dialogue which ensued; nor do I yet know how Mrs. + Mulrooney learned her mistake. Certain it is, she no more appeared among + the passengers in the cabin, and Sir Stewart's manner the following + morning at breakfast amply satisfied me that I had had my revenge. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch10" id="ch10"></a>CHAPTER X. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + UPSET—MIND—AND BODY. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + No sooner in Liverpool, than I hastened to take my place in the earliest + conveyance for London. At that time the Umpire Coach was the perfection of + fast travelling; and seated behind the box, enveloped in a sufficiency of + broad-cloth, I turned my face towards town with as much anxiety and as + ardent expectations as most of those about me. All went on in the regular + monotonous routine of such matters until we reached Northampton, passing + down the steep street of which town, the near wheel-horse stumbled and + fell; the coach, after a tremendous roll to one side, toppled over on the + other, and with a tremendous crash, and sudden shock, sent all the + outsides, myself among the number, flying through the air like sea-gulls. + As for me, after describing a very respectable parabola, my angle of + incidence landed me in a bonnet-maker's shop, having passed through a + large plate-glass window, and destroyed more leghorns and dunstables than + a year's pay would recompense. I have but light recollection of the + details of that occasion, until I found myself lying in a very spacious + bed at the George Inn, having been bled in both arms, and discovering by + the multitude of bandages in which I was enveloped, that at least some of + my bones were broken by the fall. That such fate had befallen my + collar-bone and three of my ribs I soon learned; and was horror-struck at + hearing from the surgeon who attended me, that four or five weeks would be + the very earliest period I could bear removal with safety. Here then at + once was a large deduction from my six months' leave, not to think of the + misery that awaited me for such a time, confined to my bed in an inn, + without books, friends, or acquaintances. However even this could be + remedied by patience, and summoning up all I could command, I "bided my + time," but not before I had completed a term of two months' imprisonment, + and had become, from actual starvation, something very like a living + transparency. + </p> + <p> + No sooner, however, did I feel myself once more on the road, than my + spirits rose, and I felt myself as full of high hope and buoyant + expectancy as ever. It was late at night when I arrived in London. I drove + to a quiet hotel in the west-end; and the following morning proceeded to + Portman-square, bursting with impatience to see my friends the Callonbys, + and recount all my adventures—for as I was too ill to write from + Northampton, and did not wish to entrust to a stranger the office of + communicating with them, I judged that they must be exceedingly uneasy on + my account, and pictured to myself the thousand emotions my appearance so + indicative of illness would give rise to; and could scarcely avoid running + in my impatience to be once more among them. How Lady Jane would meet me, + I thought of over again and again; whether the same cautious reserve + awaited me, or whether her family's approval would have wrought a change + in her reception of me, I burned to ascertain. As my thoughts ran on in + this way, I found myself at the door; but was much alarmed to perceive + that the closed window-shutters and dismantled look of the house + proclaimed them from home. I rung the bell, and soon learned from a + servant, whose face I had not seen before, that the family had gone to + Paris about a month before, with the intention of spending the winter + there. I need not say how grievously this piece of intelligence + disappointed me, and for a minute or two I could not collect my thoughts. + At last the servant said: + </p> + <p> + "If you have any thing very particular, sir, that my Lord's lawyer can do, + I can give you his address." + </p> + <p> + "No, thank you—nothing;" at the same time I muttered to myself, + "I'll have some occupation for him though ere long. The family were all + quite well, didn't you say?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes sir, perfectly well. My Lord had only a slight cold," + </p> + <p> + "Ah—yes—and there address is 'Meurice;' very well." + </p> + <p> + So saying I turned from the door, and with slower steps than I had come, + returned to my hotel. + </p> + <p> + My immediate resolve was to set out for Paris; my second was to visit my + uncle, Sir Guy Lorrequer, first, and having explained to him the nature of + my position, and the advantageous prospects before me, endeavour to induce + him to make some settlement on Lady Jane, in the event of my obtaining her + family's consent to our marriage. This, from his liking great people much, + and laying great stress upon the advantages of connexion, I looked upon as + a matter of no great difficulty; so that, although my hopes of happiness + were delayed in their fulfilment, I believed they were only about to be + the more securely realized. The same day I set out for Elton, and by ten + o'clock at night reached my uncle's house. I found the old gentleman + looking just as I had left him three years before, complaining a little of + gout in the left foot—praising his old specific, port-wine—abusing + his servants for robbing him—and drinking the Duke of Wellington's + health every night after supper; which meal I had much pleasure in + surprising him at on my arrival—not having eaten since my departure + from London. + </p> + <p> + "Well, Harry," said my uncle, when the servants had left the room, and we + drew over the spider table to the fire to discuss our wine with comfort, + "what good wind has blown you down to me, my boy? for it's odd enough, + five minutes before I heard the wheels on the gravel I was just wishing + some good fellow would join me at the grouse—and you see I have had + my wish! The old story, I suppose, 'out of cash.' Would not come down here + for nothing—eh? Come, lad, tell truth; is it not so?" + </p> + <p> + "Why, not exactly, sir; but I really had rather at present talk about you, + than about my own matters, which we can chat over tomorrow. How do you get + on, sir, with the Scotch steward?" + </p> + <p> + "He's a rogue, sir—a cheat—a scoundrel; but it is the same + with them all; and your cousin, Harry—your cousin, that I have + reared from his infancy to be my heir, (pleasant topic for me!) he cares + no more for me than the rest of them, and would never come near me, if it + were not that, like yourself, he was hard run for money, and wanted to + wheedle me out of a hundred or two." + </p> + <p> + "But you forget, sir—I told you I have not come with such an + object." + </p> + <p> + "We'll see that—we'll see that in the morning," replied he, with an + incredulous shake of the head. + </p> + <p> + "But Guy, sir—what has Guy done?" + </p> + <p> + "What has he not done? No sooner did he join that popinjay set of fellows, + the __th hussars, than he turned out, what he calls a four-in-hand drag, + which dragged nine hundred pounds out of my pocket—then he has got a + yacht at Cowes—a grouse mountain in Scotland—and has actually + given Tattersall an unlimited order to purchase the Wreckinton pack of + harriers, which he intends to keep for the use of the corps. In a word, + there is not an amusement of that villanous regiment, not a flask of + champagne drank at their mess, I don't bear my share in the cost of; all + through the kind offices of your worthy cousin, Guy Lorrequer." + </p> + <p> + This was an exceedingly pleasant expose for me, to hear of my cousin + indulged in every excess of foolish extravagance by his rich uncle, while + I, the son of an elder brother who unfortunately called me by his own + name, Harry, remained the sub. in a marching regiment, with not three + hundred pounds a year above my pay, and whom any extravagance, if such had + been proved against me would have deprived of even that small allowance. + My uncle however did not notice the chagrin with which I heard his + narrative, but continued to detail various instances of wild and reckless + expense the future possessor of his ample property had already launched + into. + </p> + <p> + Anxious to say something without well-knowing what, I hinted that probably + my good cousin would reform some of these days, and marry. + </p> + <p> + "Marry," said my uncle; "yes, that, I believe, is the best thing we can do + with him; and I hope now the matter is in good train—so the latest + accounts say, at least." + </p> + <p> + "Ah, indeed," said I, endeavouring to take an interest where I really felt + none—for my cousin and I had never been very intimate friends, and + the differences in our fortunes had not, at least to my thinking, been + compensated by any advances which he, under the circumstances, might have + made to me. + </p> + <p> + "Why, Harry, did you not hear of it?" said my uncle. + </p> + <p> + "No—not a word, sir." + </p> + <p> + "Very strange, indeed—a great match, Harry—a very great match, + indeed." + </p> + <p> + "Some rich banker's daughter," thought I. "What will he say when he hears + of my fortune?" + </p> + <p> + "A very fine young woman, too, I understand—quite the belle of + London—and a splendid property left by an aunt." + </p> + <p> + I was bursting to tell him of my affair, and that he had another nephew, + to whom if common justice were rendered, his fortune was as certainly made + for life. + </p> + <p> + "Guy's business happened this way," continued my uncle, who was quite + engrossed by the thought of his favourite's success. "The father of the + young lady met him in Ireland, or Scotland, or some such place, where he + was with his regiment—was greatly struck with his manner and address—found + him out to be my nephew—asked him to his house—and, in fact, + almost threw this lovely girl at his head before they were two months + acquainted." + </p> + <p> + "As nearly as possible my own adventure," thought I, laughing to myself. + </p> + <p> + "But you have not told me who they are, sir," said I, dying to have his + story finished, and to begin mine. + </p> + <p> + "I'm coming to that—I'm coming to that. Guy came down here, but did + not tell me one word of his having ever met the family, but begged me to + give him an introduction to them, as they were in Paris, where he was + going on a short leave; and the first thing I heard of the matter was a + letter from the papa, demanding from me if Guy was to be my heir, and + asking 'how far his attentions in his family, met with my approval.'" + </p> + <p> + "Then how did you know sir that they were previously known to each other?" + </p> + <p> + "The family lawyer told me, who heard it all talked over." + </p> + <p> + "And why, then, did Guy get the letter of introduction from you, when he + was already acquainted with them?" + </p> + <p> + "I am sure I cannot tell, except that you know he always does every thing + unlike every one else, and to be sure the letter seems to have excited + some amusement. I must show you his answer to my first note to know how + all was going on; for I felt very anxious about matters, when I heard from + some person who had met them, that Guy was everlastingly in the house, and + that Lord Callonby could not live without him." + </p> + <p> + "Lord who, sir?" said I in a voice that made the old man upset his glass, + and spring from his chair in horror. + </p> + <p> + "What the devil is the matter with the boy. What makes you so pale?" + </p> + <p> + "Whose name did you say at that moment, sir," said I with a slowness of + speech that cost me agony. + </p> + <p> + "Lord Callonby, my old schoolfellow and fag at Eton." + </p> + <p> + "And the lady's name, sir?" said I, in scarcely an audible whisper. + </p> + <p> + "I'm sure I forget her name; but here's the letter from Guy, and I think + he mentions her name in the postscript." + </p> + <p> + I snatched rudely the half-opened letter from the old man, as he was + vainly endeavouring to detect the place he wanted, and read as follows: + </p> + <p> + "My adored Jane is all your fondest wishes for my happiness could picture, + and longs to see her dear uncle, as she already calls you on every + occasion." I read no more—my eyes swam—the paper, the candles, + every thing before me, was misty and confused; and although I heard my + uncle's voice still going on, I knew nothing of what he said. + </p> + <p> + For some time my mind could not take in the full extent of the base + treachery I had met with, and I sat speechless and stupified. By degrees + my faculties became clearer, and with one glance I read the whole + business, from my first meeting with them at Kilrush to the present + moment. I saw that in their attentions to me, they thought they were + winning the heir of Elton, the future proprietor of fifteen thousand per + annum. From this tangled web of heartless intrigue I turned my thoughts to + Lady Jane herself. How had she betrayed me! for certainly she had not only + received, but encouraged my addresses—and so soon, too.—To + think that at the very moment when my own precipitate haste to see her had + involved me in a nearly fatal accident, she was actually receiving the + attentions of another! Oh, it was too, too bad. + </p> + <p> + But enough—even now I can scarcely dwell upon the memory of that + moment, when the hopes and dreams of many a long day and night were + destined to be thus rudely blighted. I seized the first opportunity of + bidding my uncle good night; and having promised him to reveal all my + plans on the morrow, hurried to my room. + </p> + <p> + My plans! alas, I had none—that one fatal paragraph had scattered + them to the winds; and I threw myself upon my bed, wretched and almost + heart-broken. + </p> + <p> + I have once before in these "Confessions" claimed to myself the privilege, + not inconsistent with a full disclosure of the memorabilia of my life, to + pass slightly over those passages, the burden of which was unhappy, and + whose memory is painful. I must now, therefore, claim the "benefit of this + act," and beg of the reader to let me pass from this sad portion of my + history, and for the full expression of my mingled rage, contempt, + disappointment, and sorrow, let me beg of him to receive instead, what a + learned pope once gave as his apology for not reading a rather + polysyllabic word in a Latin letter—"As for this," said he, looking + at the phrase in question, "soit qui'l dit," so say I. And now—en + route. <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch11" id="ch11"></a>CHAPTER XI. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + CHELTENHAM—MATRIMONIAL ADVENTURE—SHOWING HOW TO MAKE LOVE FOR + A FRIEND. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + <a name="Lorrequer_Making_His_Escape_From_Col._Kamworths" + id="Lorrequer_Making_His_Escape_From_Col._Kamworths">Lorrequer Making His + Escape From Col. Kamworth's</a> + </h3> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%;"> + <img alt="Ch 11 Lorrrequer Making His Escape.jpg (88K)" + src="images/Ch%2011%20%20Lorrrequer%20Making%20His%20Escape.jpg" + width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <a href="images2/Ch%2011%20%20Lorrrequer%20Making%20His%20Escape.jpg">BLACK + AND WHITE IMAGE</a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + It was a cold raw evening in February as I sat in the coffee-room of the + Old Plough in Cheltenham, "Lucullus c. Lucullo"—no companion save my + half-finished decanter of port. I had drawn my chair to the corner of the + ample fire-place, and in a half dreamy state was reviewing the incidents + of my early life, and like most men who, however young, have still to + lament talents misapplied, opportunities neglected, profitless labour, and + disastrous idleness. The dreary aspect of the large and ill-lighted room—the + close-curtained boxes—the unsocial look of every thing and body + about suited the habit of my soul, and I was on the verge of becoming + excessively sentimental—the unbroken silence, where several people + were present, had also its effect upon me, and I felt oppressed and + dejected. So sat I for an hour; the clock over the mantel ticked sharply + on—the old man in the brown surtout had turned in his chair, and now + snored louder—the gentleman who read the Times had got the + Chronicle, and I thought I saw him nodding over the advertisements. The + father who, with a raw son of about nineteen, had dined at six, sat still + and motionless opposite his offspring, and only breaking the silence + around by the grating of the decanter as he posted it across the table. + The only thing denoting active existence was a little, shrivelled man, + who, with spectacles on his forehead, and hotel slippers on his feet, + rapidly walked up and down, occasionally stopping at his table to sip a + little weak-looking negus, which was his moderate potation for two hours. + I have been particular in chronicling these few and apparently trivial + circumstances, for by what mere trifles are our greatest and most + important movements induced—had the near wheeler of the Umpire been + only safe on his fore legs, and while I write this I might—but let + me continue. The gloom and melancholy which beset me, momentarily + increased. But three months before, and my prospects presented every thing + that was fairest and brightest—now all the future was dark and + dismal. Then my best friends could scarcely avoid envy at my fortune—now + my reverses might almost excite compassion even in an enemy. It was + singular enough, and I should not like to acknowledge it, were not these + Confessions in their very nature intended to disclose the very penetralia + of my heart; but singular it certainly was—and so I have always felt + it since, when reflecting on it—that although much and warmly + attached to Lady Jane Callonby, and feeling most acutely what I must call + her abandonment of me, yet, the most constantly recurring idea of my mind + on the subject was, what will the mess say—what will they think at + head-quarters?—the raillery, the jesting, the half-concealed + allusion, the tone of assumed compassion, which all awaited me, as each of + my comrades took up his line of behaving towards me, was, after all, the + most difficult thing to be borne, and I absolutely dreaded to join my + regiment, more thoroughly than did ever schoolboy to return to his labour + on the expiration of his holidays. I had framed to myself all manner of + ways of avoiding this dread event; sometimes I meditated an exchange into + an African corps—sometimes to leave the army altogether. However, I + turned the affair over in my mind—innumerable difficulties presented + themselves, and I was at last reduced to that stand-still point, in which, + after continual vacillation, one only waits for the slightest impulse of + persuasion from another, to adopt any, no matter what suggestion. In this + enviable frame of mind I sat sipping my wine, and watching the clock for + that hour at which, with a safe conscience, I might retire to my bed, when + the waiter roused me by demanding if my name was Mr. Lorrequer, for that a + gentleman having seen my card in the bar, had been making inquiry for the + owner of it all through the hotel. + </p> + <p> + "Yes," said I, "such is my name; but I am not acquainted with any one + here, that I can remember." + </p> + <p> + "The gentleman has ony arrived an hour since by the London mail, sir, and + here he is." + </p> + <p> + At this moment, a tall, dashing-looking, half-swaggering fellow, in a very + sufficient envelope of box-coats, entered the coffee-room, and unwinding a + shawl from his throat, showed me the honest and manly countenance of my + friend Jack Waller, of the __th dragoons, with whom I had served in the + Peninsula. + </p> + <p> + Five minutes sufficed for Jack to tell me that he was come down on a bold + speculation at this unseasonable time for Cheltenham; that he was quite + sure his fortune was about to be made in a few weeks at farthest, and what + seemed nearly as engrossing a topic—that he was perfectly famished, + and desired a hot supper, "de suite." + </p> + <p> + Jack having despatched this agreeable meal with a traveller's appetite, + proceeded to unfold his plans to me as follows: + </p> + <p> + There resided somewhere near Cheltenham, in what direction he did not + absolutely know, an old East India colonel, who had returned from a long + career of successful staff-duties and government contracts, with the + moderate fortune of two hundred thousand. He possessed, in addition, a son + and a daughter; the former, being a rake and a gambler, he had long since + consigned to his own devices, and to the latter he had avowed his + intention of leaving all his wealth. That she was beautiful as an angel + —highly accomplished—gifted—agreeable—and all + that, Jack, who had never seen her, was firmly convinced; that she was + also bent resolutely on marrying him, or any other gentleman whose claims + were principally the want of money, he was quite ready to swear to; and, + in fact, so assured did he feel that "the whole affair was feasible," (I + use his own expression,) that he had managed a two months' leave, and was + come down express to see, make love to, and carry her off at once. + </p> + <p> + "But," said I, with difficulty interrupting him, "how long have you known + her father?" + </p> + <p> + "Known him? I never saw him." + </p> + <p> + "Well, that certainly is cool; and how do you propose making his + acquaintance. Do you intend to make him a "particeps criminis" in the + elopement of his own daughter, for a consideration to be hereafter paid + out of his own money?" + </p> + <p> + "Now, Harry, you've touched upon the point in which, you must confess, my + genius always stood unrivalled—acknowledge, if you are not dead to + gratitude—acknowledge how often should you have gone supperless to + bed in our bivouacs in the Peninsula, had it not been for the ingenuity of + your humble servant—avow, that if mutton was to be had, and beef to + be purloined, within a circuit of twenty miles round, our mess certainly + kept no fast days. I need not remind you of the cold morning on the + retreat from Burgos, when the inexorable Lake brought five men to the + halberds for stealing turkeys, that at the same moment, I was engaged in + devising an ox-tail soup, from a heifer brought to our tent in jack-boots + the evening before, to escape detection by her foot tracks." + </p> + <p> + "True, Jack, I never questioned your Spartan talent; but this affair, time + considered, does appear rather difficult." + </p> + <p> + "And if it were not, should I have ever engaged in it? No, no, Harry. I + put all proper value upon the pretty girl, with her two hundred thousand + pounds pin-money. But I honestly own to you, the intrigue, the scheme, has + as great charm for me as any part of the transaction." + </p> + <p> + "Well, Jack, now for the plan, then!" + </p> + <p> + "The plan! oh, the plan. Why, I have several; but since I have seen you, + and talked the matter over with you, I have begun to think of a new mode + of opening the trenches." + </p> + <p> + "Why, I don't see how I can possibly have admitted a single new ray of + light upon the affair." + </p> + <p> + "There are you quite wrong. Just hear me out without interruption, and + I'll explain. I'll first discover the locale of this worthy colonel—'Hydrabad + Cottage' he calls it; good, eh?—then I shall proceed to make a tour + of the immediate vicinity, and either be taken dangerously ill in his + grounds, within ten yards of the hall-door, or be thrown from my gig at + the gate of his avenue, and fracture my skull; I don't much care which. + Well, then, as I learn that the old gentleman is the most kind, hospitable + fellow in the world, he'll admit me at once; his daughter will tend my + sick couch—nurse—read to me; glorious fun, Harry. I'll make + fierce love to her; and now, the only point to be decided is whether, + having partaken of the colonel's hospitality so freely, I ought to carry + her off, or marry her with papa's consent. You see there is much to be + said for either line of proceeding." + </p> + <p> + "I certainly agree with you there; but since you seem to see your way so + clearly up to that point, why, I should advise you leaving that an 'open + question,' as the ministers say, when they are hard pressed for an + opinion." + </p> + <p> + "Well, Harry, I consent; it shall remain so. Now for your part, for I have + not come to that." + </p> + <p> + "Mine," said I, in amazement; "why how can I possibly have any character + assigned to me in the drama?" + </p> + <p> + "I'll tell you, Harry, you shall come with me in the gig in the capacity + of my valet." + </p> + <p> + "Your what?" said I, horror-struck at his impudence. + </p> + <p> + "Come, no nonsense, Harry, you'll have a glorious time of it—shall + choose as becoming a livery as you like—and you'll have the whole + female world below stairs dying for you; and all I ask for such an + opportunity vouchsafed to you is to puff me, your master, in every + possible shape and form, and represent me as the finest and most liberal + fellow in the world, rolling in wealth, and only striving to get rid of + it." + </p> + <p> + The unparalleled effrontery of Master Jack, in assigning to me such an + office, absolutely left me unable to reply to him; while he continued to + expatiate upon the great field for exertion thus open to us both. At last + it occurred to me to benefit by an anecdote of a something similar + arrangement, of capturing, not a young lady, but a fortified town, by + retorting Jack's proposition. + </p> + <p> + "Come," said I, "I agree, with one only difference—I'll be the + master and you the man on this occasion." + </p> + <p> + To my utter confusion, and without a second's consideration, Waller + grasped my hand, and cried, "done." Of course I laughed heartily at the + utter absurdity of the whole scheme, and rallied my friend on his + prospects of Botany Bay for such an exploit; never contemplating in the + most remote degree the commission of such extravagance. + </p> + <p> + Upon this Jack, to use the expressive French phrase, "pris la parole," + touching with a master-like delicacy on my late defeat among the + Callonbys, (which up to this instant I believed him in ignorance of;) he + expatiated upon the prospect of my repairing that misfortune, and + obtaining a fortune considerably larger; he cautiously abstained from + mentioning the personal charms of the young lady, supposing, from my + lachrymose look, that my heart had not yet recovered the shock of Lady + Jane's perfidy, and rather preferred to dwell upon the escape such a + marriage could open to me from the mockery of the mess-table, the jesting + of my brother officers, and the life-long raillery of the service, + wherever the story reached. + </p> + <p> + The fatal facility of my disposition, so often and so frankly chronicled + in these Confessions—the openness to be led whither any one might + take the trouble to conduct me—the easy indifference to assume any + character which might be pressed upon me, by chance, accident, or design, + assisted by my share of three flasks of champagne, induced me first to + listen—then to attend to—soon after to suggest—and + finally, absolutely to concur in and agree to a proposal, which, at any + other moment, I must have regarded as downright insanity. As the clock + struck two, I had just affixed my name to an agreement, for Jack Waller + had so much of method in his madness, that, fearful of my retracting in + the morning, he had committed the whole to writing, which, as a specimen + of Jack's legal talents I copy from the original document now in my + posession. + </p> + <blockquote> + <blockquote> + <p> + "The Plough, Cheltenham, Tuesday night or morning, two o'clock—be + the same more or less. I, Harry Lorrequer, sub. in his Majesty's __th + regiment of foot, on the one part; and I, John Waller, commonly called + Jack Waller, of the __th light dragoons on the other; hereby promise + and agree, each for himself, and not one for the other, to the + following conditions, which are hereafter subjoined, to wit, the + aforesaid Jack Waller is to serve, obey, and humbly follow the + aforementioned Harry Lorrequer, for the space of one month of four + weeks; conducting himself in all respects, modes, ways, manners, as + his, the aforesaid Lorrequer's own man, skip, valet, or saucepan—duly + praising, puffing, and lauding the aforesaid Lorrequer, and in every + way facilitating his success to the hand and fortune of—" + </p> + </blockquote> + </blockquote> + <p> + "Shall we put in her name, Harry, here?" said Jack. + </p> + <p> + "I think not; we'll fill it up in pencil; that looks very knowing." + </p> + <p> + "—at the end of which period, if successful in his suit, the + aforesaid Harry Lorrequer is to render to the aforesaid Waller the sum of + ten thousand pounds three and a half per cent. with a faithful discharge + in writing for his services, as may be. If, on the other hand, and which + heaven forbid, the aforesaid Lorrequer fail in obtaining the hand of + _____, that he will evacuate the territory within twelve hours, and + repairing to a convenient spot selected by the aforesaid Waller, then and + there duly invest himself with a livery chosen by the aforesaid Waller—" + </p> + <p> + "You know, each man uses his choice in this particular," said Jack. + </p> + <p> + "—and for the space of four calendar weeks, be unto the aforesaid + Waller, as his skip, or valet, receiving, in the event of success, the + like compensation, as aforesaid, each promising strictly to maintain the + terms of this agreement, and binding, by a solemn pledge, to divest + himself of every right appertaining to his former condition, for the space + of time there mentioned." + </p> + <p> + We signed and sealed it formally, and finished another flask to its + perfect ratification. This done, and after a hearty shake hands, we parted + and retired for the night. + </p> + <p> + The first thing I saw on waking the following morning was Jack Waller + standing beside my bed, evidently in excellent spirits with himself and + all the world. + </p> + <p> + "Harry, my boy, I have done it gloriously," said he. "I only remembered on + parting with you last night, that one of the most marked features in our + old colonel's character is a certain vague idea, he has somewhere picked + up, that he has been at some very remote period of his history a most + distinguished officer. This notion, it appears, haunts his mind, and he + absolutely believes he has been in every engagement from the seven years + war, down to the Battle of Waterloo. You cannot mention a siege he did not + lay down the first parallel for, nor a storming party where he did not + lead the forlorn hope; and there is not a regiment in the service, from + those that formed the fighting brigade of Picton, down to the London + trainbands, with which, to use his own phrase, he has not fought and bled. + This mania of heroism is droll enough, when one considers that the sphere + of his action was necessarily so limited; but yet we have every reason to + be thankful for the peculiarity, as you'll say, when I inform you that + this morning I despatched a hasty messenger to his villa, with a most + polite note, setting forth that a Mr. Lorrequer—ay, Harry, all above + board—there is nothing like it—'as Mr. Lorrequer, of the __th, + was collecting for publication, such materials as might serve to + commemorate the distinguished achievements of British officers, who have, + at any time, been in command—he most respectfully requests an + interview with Colonel Kamworth, whose distinguished services, on many + gallant occasions, have called forth the unqualified approval of his + majesty's government. Mr. Lorrequer's stay is necessarily limited to a few + days, as he proceeds from this to visit Lord Anglesey; and, therefore, + would humbly suggest as early a meeting as may suit Colonel K.'s + convenience.' What think you now? Is this a master-stroke or not?" + </p> + <p> + "Why, certainly, we are in for it now," said I, drawing a deep sigh. "But + Jack, what is all this? Why, you're in livery already." + </p> + <p> + I now, for the first time, perceived that Waller was arrayed in a very + decorous suit of dark grey, with cord shorts and boots, and looked a very + knowing style of servant for the side of a tilbury. + </p> + <p> + "You like it, don't you? Well, I should have preferred something a little + more showy myself; but as you chose this last night, I, of course, gave + way, and after all, I believe you're right, it certainly is neat." + </p> + <p> + "Did I choose it last night? I have not the slightest recollection of it." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, you were most particular about the length of the waistcoat, and the + height of the cockade, and you see I have followed your orders tolerably + close; and now, adieu to sweet equality for the season, and I am your most + obedient servant for four weeks—see that you make the most of it." + </p> + <p> + While we were talking, the waiter entered with a note addressed to me, + which I rightly conjectured could only come from Colonel Kamworth. It ran + thus— + </p> + <blockquote> + <blockquote> + <p> + "Colonel Kamworth feels highly flattered by the polite attention of + Mr. Lorrequer, and will esteem it a particular favour if Mr. L. can + afford him the few days his stay in this part of the country will + permit, by spending them at Hydrabad Cottage. Any information as to + Colonel Kamworth's services in the four quarters of the globe, he need + not say, is entirely at Mr. L.'s disposal. + </p> + <p> + "Colonel K. dines at six precisely." + </p> + </blockquote> + </blockquote> + <p> + When Waller had read the note through, he tossed his hat up in the air, + and, with something little sort of an Indian whoop, shouted out— + </p> + <p> + "The game is won already. Harry, my man, give me the check for the ten + thousand: she is your own this minute." + </p> + <p> + Without participating entirely in Waller's exceeding delight, I could not + help feeling a growing interest in the part I was advertised to perform, + and began my rehearsal with more spirit than I thought I should have been + able to command. + </p> + <p> + That same evening, at the same hour as that in which on the preceding I + sat lone and comfortless by the coffee-room fire, I was seated opposite a + very pompous, respectable-looking old man, with a large, stiff queue of + white hair, who pressed me repeatedly to fill my glass and pass the + decanter. The room was a small library, with handsomely fitted shelves; + there were but four chairs, but each would have made at least three of any + modern one; the curtains of deep crimson cloth effectually secured the + room from draught; and the cheerful wood fire blazing on the hearth, which + was the only light in the apartment, gave a most inviting look of comfort + and snugness to every thing. This, thought I, is all excellent; and + however the adventure ends, this is certainly pleasant, and I never tasted + better Madeira. + </p> + <p> + "And so, Mr. Lorrequer, you heard of my affair at Cantantrabad, when I + took the Rajah prisoner?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes," said I; "the governor-general mentioned the gallant business the + very last time I dined at Government-House." + </p> + <p> + "Ah, did he? kind of him though. Well, sir, I received two millions of + rupees on the morning after, and a promise of ten more if I would permit + him to escape—but no—I refused flatly." + </p> + <p> + "Is it possible; and what did you do with the two millions?—sent + them, of course—." + </p> + <p> + "No, that I didn't; the wretches know nothing of the use of money. No, no; + I have them this moment in good government security. + </p> + <p> + "I believe I never mentioned to you the storming of Java. Fill yourself + another glass, and I'll describe it all to you, for it will be of infinite + consequence that a true narrative of this meets the public eye—they + really are quire ignorant of it. Here now is Fort Cornelius, and there is + the moat, the sugar-basin is the citadel, and the tongs is the first + trench, the decanter will represent the tall tower towards the south-west + angle, and here, the wine glass—this is me. Well, it was a little + after ten at night that I got the order from the general in command to + march upon this plate of figs, which was an open space before Fort + Cornelius, and to take up my position in front of the fort, and with four + pieces of field artillery—these walnuts here—to be ready to + open my fire at a moment's warning upon the sou-west tower; but, my dear + sir, you have moved the tower; I thought you were drinking Madeira. As I + said before, to open my fire upon the sou-west tower, or if necessary + protect the sugar tongs, which I explained to you was the trench. Just at + the same time the besieged were making preparations for a sortie to occupy + this dish of almonds and raisins—the high ground to the left of my + position—put another log on the fire, if you please, sir, for I + cannot see myself—I thought I was up near the figs, and I find + myself down near the half moon." + </p> + <p> + "It is past nine," said a servant entering the room; "shall I take the + carriage for Miss Kamworth, sir?" This being the first time the name of + the young lady was mentioned since my arrival, I felt somewhat anxious to + hear more of her, in which laudable desire I was not however to be + gratified, for the colonel, feeling considerably annoyed by the + interruption, dismissed the servant by saying— + </p> + <p> + "What do you mean, sirrah, by coming in at this moment; don't you see I am + preparing for the attack on the half moon? Mr. Lorrequer, I beg your + pardon for one moment, this fellow has completely put me out; and besides, + I perceive, you have eaten the flying artillery, and in fact, my dear sir, + I shall be obliged to lay down the position again." + </p> + <p> + With this praiseworthy interest the colonel proceeded to arrange the + "materiel" of our dessert in battle array, when the door was suddenly + thrown open, and a very handsome girl, in a most becoming demi toilette, + sprung into the room, and either not noticing, or not caring, that a + stranger was present, threw herself into the old gentleman's arms, with a + degree of empressement, exceedingly vexatious for any third and unoccupied + party to witness. + </p> + <p> + "Mary, my dear," said the colonel, completely forgetting Java and Fort + Cornelius at once, "you don't perceive I have a gentleman to introduce to + you, Mr. Lorrequer, my daughter, Miss Kamworth," here the young lady + courtesied somewhat stiffly, and I bowed reverently; and we all resumed + places. I now found out that Miss Kamworth had been spending the preceding + four or five days at a friend's in the neighbourhood; and had preferred + coming home somewhat unexpectedly, to waiting for her own carriage. + </p> + <p> + My confessions, if recorded verbatim, from the notes of that four weeks' + sojourn, would only increase the already too prolix and uninteresting + details of this chapter in my life; I need only say, that without falling + in love with Mary Kamworth, I felt prodigiously disposed thereto; she was + extremely pretty; had a foot and ancle to swear by, the most silvery toned + voice I almost ever heard, and a certain witchery and archness of manner + that by its very tantalizing uncertainty continually provoked attention, + and by suggesting a difficulty in the road to success, imparted a more + than common zest in the pursuit. She was little, a very little blue, + rather a dabbler in the "ologies," than a real disciple. Yet she made + collections of minerals, and brown beetles, and cryptogamias, and various + other homeopathic doses of the creation, infinitessimally small in their + subdivision; in none of which I felt any interest, save in the excuse they + gave for accompanying her in her pony-phaeton. This was, however, a rare + pleasure, for every morning for at least three or four hours I was obliged + to sit opposite the colonel, engaged in the compilation of that narrative + of his "res gestae," which was to eclipse the career of Napoleon and leave + Wellington's laurels but a very faded lustre in comparison. In this + agreeable occupation did I pass the greater part of my day, listening to + the insufferable prolixity of the most prolix of colonels, and at times, + notwithstanding the propinquity of relationship which awaited us, almost + regretting that he was not blown up in any of the numerous explosions his + memoir abounded with. I may here mention, that while my literary labour + was thus progressing, the young lady continued her avocations as before—not + indeed with me for her companion—but Waller; for Colonel Kamworth, + "having remarked the steadiness and propriety of my man, felt no scruple + in sending him out to drive Miss Kamworth," particularly as I gave him a + most excellent character for every virtue under heaven. + </p> + <p> + I must hasten on.—The last evening of my four weeks was drawing to a + close. Colonel Kamworth had pressed me to prolong my visit, and I only + waited for Waller's return from Cheltenham, whither I had sent him for my + letters, to make arrangements with him to absolve me from my ridiculous + bond, and accept the invitation. We were sitting round the library fire, + the colonel, as usual, narrating his early deeds and hair-breadth 'scapes. + Mary, embroidering an indescribable something, which every evening made + its appearance but seemed never to advance, was rather in better spirits + than usual, at the same time her manner was nervous and uncertain; and I + could perceive by her frequent absence of mind, that her thoughts were not + as much occupied by the siege of Java as her worthy father believed them. + Without laying any stress upon the circumstance, I must yet avow that + Waller's not having returned from Cheltenham gave me some uneasiness, and + I more than once had recourse to the bell to demand if "my servant had + come back yet?" At each of these times I well remember the peculiar + expression of Mary's look, the half embarrassment, half drollery, with + which she listened to the question, and heard the answer in the negative. + Supper at length made its appearance; and I asked the servant who waited, + "if my man had brought me any letters," varying my inquiry to conceal my + anxiety; and again, I heard he had not returned. Resolving now to propose + in all form for Miss Kamworth the next morning, and by referring the + colonel to my uncle Sir Guy, smooth, as far as I could, all difficulties, + I wished them good night and retired; not, however, before the colonel had + warned me that they were to have an excursion to some place in the + neighbourhood the next day; and begging that I might be in the + breakfast-room at nine, as they were to assemble there from all parts, and + start early on the expedition. I was in a sound sleep the following + morning, when a gentle tap at the door awoke me; at the same time I + recognised the voice of the colonel's servant, saying, "Mr. Lorrequer, + breakfast is waiting, sir." + </p> + <p> + I sprung up at once, and replying, "Very well, I shall come down," + proceeded to dress in all haste, but to my horror, I could not discern a + vestige of my clothes; nothing remained of the habiliments I possessed + only the day before—even my portmanteau had disappeared. After a + most diligent search, I discovered on a chair in a corner of the room, a + small bundle tied up in a handkerchief, on opening which I perceived a new + suit of livery of the most gaudy and showy description and lace; of which + colour was also the coat, which had a standing collar and huge cuffs, + deeply ornamented with worked button holes and large buttons. As I turned + the things over, without even a guess of what they could mean, for I was + scarcely well awake, I perceived a small slip of paper fastened to the + coat sleeve, upon which, in Waller's hand-writing, the following few words + were written: + </p> + <blockquote> + <blockquote> + <p> + "The livery I hope will fit you, as I am rather particular about how + you'll look; get quietly down to the stable-yard and drive the tilbury + into Cheltenham, where wait for further orders from your kind master, + </p> + <p> + "John Waller." + </p> + </blockquote> + </blockquote> + <p> + The horrible villany of this wild scamp actually paralysed me. That I + should put on such ridiculous trumpery was out of the question; yet what + was to be done? I rung the bell violently; "Where are my clothes, Thomas?" + </p> + <p> + "Don't know, sir; I was out all the morning, sir, and never seed them." + </p> + <p> + "There, Thomas, be smart now and send them up, will you?" Thomas + disappeared, and speedily returned to say, "that my clothes could not be + found any where; no one knew any thing of them, and begged me to come + down, as Miss Kamworth desired him to say that they were still waiting, + and she begged Mr. Lorrequer would not make an elaborate toilette, as they + were going on a country excursion." An elaborate toilette! I wish to + heaven she saw my costume; no, I'll never do it. "Thomas, you must tell + the ladies and the colonel, too, that I feel very ill; I am not able to + leave my bed; I am subject to attacks—very violent attacks in my + head, and must always be left quiet and alone—perfectly alone—mind + me, Thomas—for a day at least." Thomas departed; and as I lay + distracted in my bed, I heard, from the breakfast room, the loud laughter + of many persons evidently enjoying some excellent joke; could it be me + they were laughing at; the thought was horrible. + </p> + <p> + "Colonel Kamworth wishes to know if you'd like the doctor, sir," said + Thomas, evidently suppressing a most inveterate fit of laughing, as he + again appeared at the door. + </p> + <p> + "No, certainly not," said I, in a voice of thunder; "what the devil are + you grinning at?" + </p> + <p> + "You may as well come, my man; you're found out; they all know it now," + said the fellow with an odious grin. + </p> + <p> + I jumped out of the bed, and hurled the boot-jack at him with all my + strength; but had only the satisfaction to hear him go down stairs + chuckling at his escape; and as he reached the parlour, the increase of + mirth and the loudness of the laughter told me that he was not the only + one who was merry at my expense. Any thing was preferable to this; down + stairs I resolved to go at once—but how; a blanket I thought would + not be a bad thing, and particularly as I had said I was ill; I could at + least get as far as Colonel Kamworth's dressing-room, and explain to him + the whole affair; but then if I was detected en route, which I was almost + sure to be, with so many people parading about the house. No; that would + never do, there was but one alternative, and dreadful, shocking as it was, + I could not avoid it, and with a heavy heart, and as much indignation at + Waller for what I could not but consider a most scurvy trick, I donned the + yellow inexpressibles; next came the vest, and last the coat, with its + broad flaps and lace excrescenses, fifty times more absurd and + merry-andrew than any stage servant who makes off with his table and two + chairs amid the hisses and gibes of an upper gallery. + </p> + <p> + If my costume leaned towards the ridiculous, I resolved that my air and + bearing should be more than usually austere and haughty; and with + something of the stride of John Kemble in Coriolanus, I was leaving my + bed-room, when I accidentally caught a view of myself in the glass; and so + mortified, so shocked was I, that I sank into a chair, and almost + abandoned my resolution to go on; the very gesture I had assumed for + vindication only increased the ridicule of my appearance; and the strange + quaintness of the costume totally obliterated every trace of any + characteristic of the wearer, so infernally cunning was its contrivance. I + don't think that the most saturnine martyr of gout and dyspepsia could + survey me without laughing. With a bold effort, I flung open my door, + hurried down the stairs, and reached the hall. The first person I met was + a kind of pantry boy, a beast only lately emancipated from the plough, and + destined after a dozen years' training as a servant, again to be turned + back to his old employ for incapacity; he grinned horribly for a minute, + as I passed, and then in a half whisper said— + </p> + <p> + "Maester, I advise ye run for it; they're a waiting for ye with the + constables in the justice's room!" I gave him a look of contemptuous + superiority at which he grinned the more, and passed on. + </p> + <p> + Without stopping to consider where I was going, I opened the door of the + breakfast-parlour, and found myself in one plunge among a room full of + people. My first impulse was to retreat again; but so shocked was I, at + the very first thing that met my sight, that I was perfectly powerless to + do any thing. Among a considerable number of people who stood in small + groups round the breakfast-table, I discerned Jack Waller, habited in a + very accurate black frock and dark trowsers, supporting upon his arm—shall + I confess—no less a person than Mary Kamworth, who leaned on him + with the familiarity of an old acquaintance, and chatted gaily with him. + The buzz of conversation which filled the apartment when I entered, ceased + for a second of deep silence; and then followed a peal of laughter so long + and so vociferous, that in my momentary anger I prayed some one might + burst a blood-vessel, and frighten the rest. I put on a look of + indescribable indignation, and cast a glance of what I intended should be + most withering scorn on the assembly; but alas! my infernal harlequin + costume ruined the effect; and confound me, if they did not laugh the + louder. I turned from one to the other with the air of a man who marks out + victims for his future wrath; but with no better success; at last, amid + the continued mirth of the party, I made my way towards where Waller stood + absolutely suffocated with laughter, and scarcely able to stand without + support. + </p> + <p> + "Waller," said I, in a voice half tremulous with rage and shame together; + "Waller, if this rascally trick be yours, rest assured no former term of + intimacy between us shall—" + </p> + <p> + Before I could conclude the sentence, a bustle at the door of the room, + called every attention in that direction; I turned and beheld Colonel + Kamworth, followed by a strong posse comitatus of constables, tipstaffs, , + armed to the teeth, and evidently prepared for vigorous battle. Before I + was able to point out my woes to my kind host, he burst out with— + </p> + <p> + "So you scoundrel, you impostor, you damned young villain, pretending to + be a gentleman, you get admission into a man's house and dine at his + table, when your proper place had been behind his chair.—How far he + might have gone, heaven can tell, if that excellent young gentleman, his + master, had not traced him here this morning—but you'll pay dearly + for it, you young rascal, that you shall." + </p> + <p> + "Colonel Kamworth," said I, drawing myself proudly up, (and I confess + exciting new bursts of laughter,) "Colonel Kamworth, for the expressions + you have just applied to me, a heavy reckoning awaits you; not, however, + before another individual now present shall atone for the insult he has + dared to pass upon me." Colonel Kamworth's passion at this declaration + knew no bounds; he cursed and swore absolutely like a madman, and vowed + that transportation for life would be a mild sentence for such iniquity. + </p> + <p> + Waller at length wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes, interposed + between the colonel and his victim, and begged that I might be forgiven; + "for indeed my dear sir," said he, "the poor fellow is of rather + respectable parentage, and such is his taste for good society that he'd + run any risk to be among his betters, although, as in the present case the + exposure brings a rather heavy retribution, however, let me deal with him. + Come, Henry," said he, with an air of insufferable superiority, "take my + tilbury into town, and wait for me at the George, I shall endeavour to + make your peace with my excellent friend, Colonel Kamworth; and the best + mode you can contribute to that object, is to let us have no more of your + society." + </p> + <p> + I cannot attempt to picture my rage at these words; however, escape from + this diabolical predicament was my only present object; and I rushed from + the room, and springing into the tilbury at the door, drove down the + avenue at the rate of fifteen miles per hour, amid the united cheers, + groans, and yells of the whole servants' hall, who seemed to enjoy my + "detection," even more than their betters. Meditating vengeance, sharp, + short, and decisive on Waller, the colonel, and every one else in the + infernal conspiracy against me, for I utterly forgot every vestige of our + agreement in the surprise by which I was taken, I reached Cheltenham. + Unfortunately I had no friend there to whose management I could commit the + bearing of a message, and was obliged as soon as I could procure suitable + costume, to hasten up to Coventry where the __th dragoons were then + quartered. I lost no time in selecting an adviser, and taking the + necessary steps to bring Master Waller to a reckoning; and on the third + morning we again reached Cheltenham, I thirsting for vengeance, and + bursting still with anger; not so, my friend, however, who never could + discuss the affair with common gravity, and even ventured every now and + then on a sly allusion to my yellow shorts. As we passed the last + toll-bar, a travelling carriage came whirling by with four horses at a + tremendous pace; and as the morning was frosty, and the sun scarcely + risen, the whole team were smoking and steaming so as to be half + invisible. We both remarked on the precipitancy of the party; for as our + own pace was considerable, the two vehicles passed like lightning. We had + scarcely dressed, and ordered breakfast, when a more than usual bustle in + the yard called us to the window; the waiter who came in at the same + instant told us that four horses were ordered out to pursue a young lady + who had eloped that morning with an officer. + </p> + <p> + "Ah, our friend in the green travelling chariot, I'll be bound," said my + companion; but as neither of us knew that part of the country, and I was + too engrossed by my own thoughts, I never inquired further. As the chaise + in chase drove round to the door, I looked to see what the pursuer was + like; and as he issued from the inn, recognised my "ci devant host," + Colonel Kamworth. I need not say my vengeance was sated at once; he had + lost his daughter, and Waller was on the road to be married. Apologies and + explanations came in due time, for all my injuuries and sufferings; and I + confess, the part which pleased me most was, that I saw no more of Jack + for a considerable period after; he started for the continent, where he + has lived ever since on a small allowance, granted by his father-in-law, + and never paying me the stipulated sum, as I had clearly broken the + compact. + </p> + <p> + So much for my second attempt at matrimony; one would suppose that such + experience should be deemed sufficient to show that my talent did not lie + in that way. And here I must rest for the present, with the additional + confession, that so strong was the memory of that vile adventure, that I + refused a lucrative appointment under Lord Anglesey's government, when I + discovered that his livery included "yellow plush breeches;" to have such + "souvenirs" flitting around and about me, at dinner and elsewhere, would + have left me without a pleasure in existence. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch12" id="ch12"></a>CHAPTER XII. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + DUBLIN—TOM O'FLAHERTY—A REMINISCENCE OF THE PENINSULA. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + Dear, dirty Dublin—"Io te salute"—how many excellent things + might be said of thee, if, unfortunately, it did not happen that the theme + is an old one, and has been much better sung than it can ever now be said. + With thus much of apology for no more lengthened panegyric, let me beg of + my reader, if he be conversant with that most moving melody—the + Groves of Blarney—to hum the following lines, which I heard shortly + after my landing, and which well express my own feelings for the "loved + spot." + </p> + <table summary=""> + <tr> + <td> + Oh! Dublin, sure, there is no doubtin',<br /> Beats every city upon the + say.<br /> 'Tis there you'll see O'Connell spouting,<br /> And Lady + Morgan making "tay."<br /> For 'tis the capital of the greatest nation<br /> + With finest peasantry on a fruitful sod,<br /> Fighting like devils for + conciliation,<br /> And hating each other for the love of God.<br /> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + <p> + Once more, then, I found myself in the "most car-drivingest city," en + route to join on the expiration of my leave. Since my departure, my + regiment had been ordered to Kilkenny, that sweet city, so famed in song + for its "fire without smoke;" but which, were its character in any way to + be derived from its past or present representative, might certainly, with + more propriety, reverse the epithet, and read "smoke without fire." My + last communication from head-quarters was full of nothing but gay doings + —balls, dinners, dejeunes, and more than all, private theatricals, + seemed to occupy the entire attention of every man of the gallant __th. I + was earnestly entreated to come, without waiting for the end of my leave—that + several of my old "parts were kept open for me;" and that, in fact, the + "boys of Kilkenny" were on tip-toe in expectation of my arrival, as though + his Majesty's mail were to convey a Kean or a Kemble. I shuddered a little + as I read this, and recollected "my last appearance on any stage," little + anticipating, at the moment, that my next was to be nearly as productive + of the ludicrous, as time and my confessions will show. One circumstance, + however, gave me considerable pleasure. It was this:—I took it for + granted that, in the varied and agreeable occupations which so pleasurable + a career opened, my adventures in love would escape notice, and that I + should avoid the merciless raillery my two failures, in six months, might + reasonably be supposed to call forth. I therefore wrote a hurried note to + Curzon, setting forth the great interest all their proceedings had for me, + and assuring him that my stay in town should be as short as possible, for + that I longed once more to "strut the monarch of the boards," and + concluded with a sly paragraph, artfully intended to act as a + "paratonnere" to the gibes and jests which I dreaded, by endeavouring to + make light of my matrimonial speculations. The postscript ran somewhat + thus—"Glorious fun have I had since we met; but were it not that my + good angel stood by me, I should write these hurried lines with a wife at + my elbow; but luck, that never yet deserted, is still faithful to your old + friend, H. Lorrequer." + </p> + <p> + My reader may suppose—for he is sufficiently behind the scenes with + me—with what feelings I penned these words; yet any thing was better + than the attack I looked forward to: and I should rather have changed into + the Cape Rifle Corps, or any other army of martyrs, than meet my mess with + all the ridicule my late proceedings exposed me to. Having disburthened my + conscience of this dread, I finished my breakfast, and set out on a stroll + through the town. + </p> + <p> + I believe it is Coleridge who somewhere says, that to transmit the first + bright and early impressions of our youth, fresh and uninjured to a remote + period of life, constitutes one of the loftiest prerogatives of genius. If + this be true, and I am not disposed to dispute it—what a gifted + people must be the worthy inhabitants of Dublin; for I scruple not to + affirm, that of all cities of which we have any record in history, sacred + or profane, there is not one so little likely to disturb the tranquil + current of such reminiscences. "As it was of old, so is it now," enjoying + a delightful permanency in all its habits and customs, which no changes + elsewhere disturb or affect; and in this respect I defy O'Connell and all + the tail to refuse it the epithet of "Conservative." + </p> + <p> + Had the excellent Rip Van Winkle, instead of seeking his repose upon the + cold and barren acclivities of the Kaatskills—as we are veritably + informed by Irving—but betaken himself to a comfortable bed at + Morrison's or the Bilton, not only would he have enjoyed a more agreeable + siesta, but, what the event showed of more consequence, the pleasing + satisfaction of not being disconcerted by novelty on his awakening. It is + possible that the waiter who brought him the water to shave, for Rip's + beard, we are told, had grown uncommonly long—might exhibit a little + of that wear and tear to which humanity is liable from time; but had he + questioned him as to the ruling topics—the proper amusements of the + day —he would have heard, as he might have done twenty years before, + that there was a meeting to convert Jews at the Rotunda; another to rob + parsons at the Corn Exchange; that the Viceroy was dining with the + Corporation, and congratulating them on the prosperity of Ireland, while + the inhabitants were regaled with a procession of the "broad ribbon + weavers," who had not weaved, heaven knows when! This, with an occasional + letter from Mr. O'Connell, and now and then a duel in the "Phaynix," + constituted the current pastimes of the city. Such, at least, were they in + my day; and though far from the dear locale, an odd flitting glance at the + newspapers induces me to believe that matters are not much changed since. + </p> + <p> + I rambled through the streets for some hours, revolving such thoughts as + pressed upon me involuntarily by all I saw. The same little grey + homunculus that filled my "prince's mixture" years before, stood behind + the counter at Lundy Foot's, weighing out rappee and high toast, just as I + last saw him. The fat college porter, that I used to mistake in my + school-boy days for the Provost, God forgive me! was there as fat and as + ruddy as heretofore, and wore his Roman costume of helmet and plush + breeches, with an air as classic. The old state trumpeter at the castle, + another object of my youthful veneration, poor "old God save the King" as + we used to call him, walked the streets as of old; his cheeks indeed, a + little more lanky and tendinous; but then there had been many viceregal + changes, and the "one sole melody his heart delighted in," had been more + frequently called in requisition, as he marched in solemn state with the + other antique gentlemen in tabards. As I walked along, each moment some + old and early association being suggested by the objects around, I felt my + arm suddenly seized. I turned hastily round, and beheld a very old + companion in many a hard-fought field and merry bivouack, Tom O'Flaherty + of the 8th. Poor Tom was sadly changed since we last met, which was at a + ball in Madrid. He was then one of the best-looking fellows of his "style" + I ever met,—tall and athletic, with the easy bearing of a man of the + world, and a certain jauntiness that I have never seen but in Irishmen who + have mixed much in society. + </p> + <p> + There was also a certain peculiar devil-may-care recklessness about the + self-satisfied swagger of his gait, and the free and easy glance of his + sharp black eye, united with a temper that nothing could ruffle, and a + courage nothing could daunt. With such qualities as these, he had been the + prime favourite of his mess, to which he never came without some droll + story to relate, or some choice expedient for future amusement. Such had + Tom once been; now he was much altered, and though the quiet twinkle of + his dark eye showed that the spirit of fun within was not "dead, but only + sleeping,"—to myself, who knew something of his history, it seemed + almost cruel to awaken him to any thing which might bring him back to the + memory of by-gone days. A momentary glance showed me that he was no longer + what he had been, and that the unfortunate change in his condition, the + loss of all his earliest and oldest associates, and his blighted + prospects, had nearly broken a heart that never deserted a friend, nor + quailed before an enemy. Poor O'Flaherty was no more the delight of the + circle he once adorned; the wit that "set the table in a roar" was all but + departed. He had been dismissed the service!!—The story is a brief + one:— + </p> + <p> + In the retreat from Burgos, the __ Light Dragoons, after a most fatiguing + day's march, halted at the wretched village of Cabenas. It had been + deserted by the inhabitants the day before, who, on leaving, had set it on + fire; and the blackened walls and fallen roof-trees were nearly all that + now remained to show where the little hamlet had once stood. + </p> + <p> + Amid a down-pour of rain, that had fallen for several hours, drenched to + the skin, cold, weary, and nearly starving, the gallant 8th reached this + melancholy spot at nightfall, with little better prospect of protection + from the storm than the barren heath through which their road led might + afford them. Among the many who muttered curses, not loud but deep, on the + wretched termination to their day's suffering, there was one who kept up + his usual good spirits, and not only seemed himself nearly regardless of + the privations and miseries about him, but actually succeeded in making + the others who rode alongside as perfectly forgetful of their annoyances + and troubles as was possible under such circumstances. Good stories, + joking allusions to the more discontented ones of the party, ridiculous + plans for the night's encampment, followed each other so rapidly, that the + weariness of the way was forgotten; and while some were cursing their hard + fate, that ever betrayed them into such misfortunes, the little group + round O'Flaherty were almost convulsed with laughter at the wit and + drollery of one, over whom if the circumstances had any influence, they + seemed only to heighten his passion for amusement. In the early part of + the morning he had captured a turkey, which hung gracefully from his + holster on one side, while a small goat-skin of Valencia wine balanced it + on the other. These good things were destined to form a feast that + evening, to which he had invited four others; that being, according to his + most liberal calculation, the greatest number to whom he could afford a + reasonable supply of wine. + </p> + <p> + When the halt was made, it took some time to arrange the dispositions for + the night; and it was nearly midnight before all the regiment had got + their billets and were housed, even with such scanty accommodation as the + place afforded. Tom's guests had not yet arrived, and he himself was + busily engaged in roasting the turkey before a large fire, on which stood + a capacious vessel of spiced wine, when the party appeared. A very cursory + "reconnaissance" through the house, one of the only ones untouched in the + village, showed that from the late rain it would be impossible to think of + sleeping in the lower story, which already showed signs of being flooded; + they therefore proceeded in a body up stairs, and what was their delight + to find a most comfortable room, neatly furnished with chairs, and a + table; but, above all, a large old-fashioned bed, an object of such luxury + as only an old campaigner can duly appreciate. The curtains were closely + tucked in all round, and, in their fleeting and hurried glance, they felt + no inclination to disturb them, and rather proceeded to draw up the table + before the hearth, to which they speedily removed the fire from below; + and, ere many minutes, with that activity which a bivouack life invariably + teaches, their supper smoked before them, and five happier fellows did not + sit down that night within a large circuit around. Tom was unusually + great; stories of drollery unlocked before, poured from him unceasingly, + and what with his high spirits to excite them, and the reaction inevitable + after a hard day's severe march, the party soon lost the little reason + that usually sufficed to guide them, and became as pleasantly tipsy as can + well be conceived. However, all good things must have an end, and so had + the wine-skin. Tom had placed it affectionately under his arm like a + bag-pipe and failed, with even a most energetic squeeze, to extract a + drop; there was no nothing for it but to go to rest, and indeed it seemed + the most prudent thing for the party. + </p> + <p> + The bed became accordingly a subject of grave deliberation; for as it + could only hold two, and the party were five, there seemed some difficulty + in submitting their chances to lot, which all agreed was the fairest way. + While this was under discussion, one of the party had approached the + contested prize, and, taking up the curtains, proceeded to jump in—when, + what was his astonishment to discover that it was already occupied. The + exclamation of surprise he gave forth soon brought the others to his side; + and to their horror, drunk as they were, they found that the body before + them was that of a dead man, arrayed in all the ghastly pomp of a corpse. + A little nearer inspection showed that he had been a priest, probably the + Padre of the village; on his head he had a small velvet skull cap, + embroidered with a cross, and his body was swathed in a vestment, such as + priests usually wear at the mass; in his hand he held a large wax taper, + which appeared to have burned only half down, and probably been + extinguished by the current of air on opening the door. After the first + brief shock which this sudden apparition had caused, the party recovered + as much of their senses as the wine had left them, and proceeded to + discuss what was to be done under the circumstances; for not one of them + ever contemplated giving up a bed to a dead priest, while five living men + slept on the ground. After much altercation, O'Flaherty, who had hitherto + listened without speaking, interrupted the contending parties, saying, + "stop, lads, I have it." + </p> + <p> + "Come," said one of them, "let us hear Tom's proposal." + </p> + <p> + "Oh," said he, with difficulty steadying himself while he spoke, "we'll + put him to bed with old Ridgeway, the quarter-master!" + </p> + <p> + The roar of loud laughter that followed Tom's device was renewed again and + again, till not a man could speak from absolute fatigue. There was not a + dissentient voice. Old Ridgeway was hated in the corps, and a better way + of disposing of the priest and paying off the quarter-master could not be + thought of. + </p> + <p> + Very little time sufficed for their preparations; and if they had been + brought up under the Duke of Portland himself, they could not have + exhibited a greater taste for a "black job." The door of the room was + quickly taken from its hinges, and the priest placed upon it at full + length; a moment more sufficed to lift the door upon their shoulders, and, + preceded by Tom, who lit a candle in honour of being, as he said, "chief + mourner," they took their way through the camp towards Ridgeway's + quarters. When they reached the hut where their victim lay, Tom ordered a + halt, and proceeded stealthily into the house to reconnoitre. The old + quarter-master he found stretched on his sheep-skin before a large fire, + the remnants of an ample supper strewed about him, and two empty bottles + standing on the hearth—his deep snoring showed that all was safe, + and that no fears of his awaking need disturb them. His shako and sword + lay near him, but his sabertasche was under his head. Tom carefully + withdrew the two former; and hastening to his friends without, proceeded + to decorate the priest with them; expressing, at the same time, + considerable regret that he feared it might wake Ridgeway, if he were to + put the velvet skull-cap on him for a night-cap. + </p> + <p> + Noiselessly and steadily they now entered, and proceeded to put down their + burden, which, after a moment's discussion, they agreed to place between + the quarter-master and the fire, of which, hitherto, he had reaped ample + benefit. This done, they stealthily retreated, and hurried back to their + quarters, unable to speak with laughter at the success of their plot, and + their anticipation of Ridgeway's rage on awakening in the morning. + </p> + <p> + It was in the dim twilight of a hazy morning, that the bugler of the 8th + aroused the sleeping soldiers from their miserable couches, which, + wretched as they were, they, nevertheless, rose from reluctantly—so + wearied and fatigued had they been by the preceding day's march; not one + among the number felt so indisposed to stir as the worthy quarter-master; + his peculiar avocations had demanded a more than usual exertion on his + part, and in the posture he had laid down at night, he rested till + morning, without stirring a limb. Twice the reveille had rung through the + little encampment, and twice the quarter-master had essayed to open his + eyes, but in vain; at last he made a tremendous effort, and sat bolt + upright on the floor, hoping that the sudden effort might sufficiently + arouse him; slowly his eyes opened, and the first thing they beheld was + the figure of the dead priest, with a light cavalry helmet on his head, + seated before him. Ridgeway, who was "bon Catholique," trembled in every + joint—it might be a ghost, it might be a warning, he knew not what + to think—he imagined the lips moved, and so overcome with terror was + he at last, that he absolutely shouted like a maniac, and never cased till + the hut was filled with officers and men, who hearing the uproar ran to + his aid—the surprise of the poor quarter-master at the apparition, + was scarcely greater than that of the beholders—no one was able to + afford any explanation of the circumstance, though all were assured that + it must have been done in jest—the door upon which the priest had + been conveyed, afforded the clue—they had forgotten to restore it to + its place—accordingly the different billets were examined, and at + last O'Flaherty was discovered in a most commodious bed, in a large room + without a door, still fast asleep, and alone; how and when he had parted + from his companions, he never could precisely explain, though he has since + confessed it was part of his scheme to lead them astray in the village, + and then retire to the bed, which he had determined to appropriate to his + sole use. + </p> + <p> + Old Ridgeway's rage knew no bounds; he absolutely foamed with passion, and + in proportion as he was laughed at his choler rose higher; had this been + the only result, it had been well for poor Tom, but unfortunately the + affair got to be rumoured through the country—the inhabitants of the + village learned the indignity with which the Padre had been treated; they + addressed a memorial to Lord Wellington—inquiry was immediately + instituted—O'Flaherty was tried by court martial, and found guilty; + nothing short of the heaviest punishment that could be inflicted under the + circumstances would satisfy the Spaniards, and at that precise period it + was part of our policy to conciliate their esteem by every means in our + power. The commander-in-chief resolved to make what he called an + "example," and poor O'Flaherty—the life and soul of his regiment—the + darling of his mess, was broke, and pronounced incapable of ever serving + his Majesty again. Such was the event upon which my poor friend's fortune + in life seemed to hinge—he returned to Ireland, if not entirely + broken-hearted, so altered that his best friends scarcely knew him; his + "occupation was gone;" the mess had been his home; his brother officers + were to him in place of relatives, and he had lost all. His after life was + spent in rambling from one watering place to another, more with the air of + one who seeks to consume than enjoy his time; and with such a change in + appearance as the alteration in his fortune had effected, he now stood + before me, but altogether so different a man, that but for the well-known + tones of a voice that had often convulsed me with laughter, I should + scarcely have recognised him. + </p> + <p> + "Lorrequer, my old friend, I never thought of seeing you here—this + is indeed a piece of good luck." + </p> + <p> + "Why, Tom? You surely knew that the __ were in Ireland, didn't you?" + </p> + <p> + "To be sure. I dined with them only a few days ago, but they told me you + were off to Paris, to marry something superlatively beautiful, and most + enormously rich, the daughter of a duke, if I remember right; but certes, + they said your fortune was made, and I need not tell you, there was not a + man among them better pleased that I was to hear it." + </p> + <p> + "Oh! they said so, did they? Droll dogs—always quizzing—I + wonder you did not perceive the hoax—eh—very good, was it + not?" This I poured out in short broken sentences, blushing like scarlet, + and fidgeting like a school girl with downright nervousness. + </p> + <p> + "A hoax! devilish well done too,"—said Tom, "for old Carden believed + the whole story, and told me that he had obtained a six months' leave for + you to make your 'com.' and, moreover, said that he had got a letter from + the nobleman, Lord _____ confound his name." + </p> + <p> + "Lord Grey, is it?" said I, with a sly look at Tom. + </p> + <p> + "No, my dear friend," said he drily, "it was not Lord Grey—but to + continue—he had got a letter from him, dated from Paris, stating his + surprise that you had never joined them there, according to promise, and + that they knew your cousin Guy, and a great deal of other matter I can't + remember—so what does all this mean? Did you hoax the noble Lord as + well as the Horse Guards, Harry?" + </p> + <p> + This was indeed a piece of news for me; I stammered out some ridiculous + explanation, and promised a fuller detail. Could it be that I had done the + Callonbys injustice, and that they never intended to break off my + attention to Lady Jane—that she was still faithful, and that of all + concerned I alone had been to blame. Oh! how I hoped this might be the + case; heavily as my conscience might accuse, I longed ardently to forgive + and deal mercifully with myself. Tom continued to talk about indifferent + matters, as these thoughts flitted through my mind; perceiving at last + that I did not attend, he stopped suddenly and said— + </p> + <p> + "Harry, I see clearly that something has gone wrong, and perhaps I can + make a guess at the mode too: but however, you can do nothing about it + now; come and dine with me to-day, and we'll discuss the affair together + after dinner; or if you prefer a 'distraction,' as we used to say in + Dunkerque, why then I'll arrange something fashionable for your evening's + amusement. Come, what say you to hearing Father Keogh preach, or would you + like a supper at the Carlingford, or perhaps you prefer a soiree chez + Miladi; for all of these Dublin affords—all three good in their way, + and very intellectual." + </p> + <p> + "Well, Tom, I'm yours; but I should prefer your dining with me; I am at + Bilton's; we'll have our cutlet quite alone, and—" + </p> + <p> + "And be heartily sick of each other, you were going to add. No, no, Harry; + you must dine with me; I have some remarkably nice people to present you + to—six is the hour—sharp six—number ___ + Molesworth-street, Mrs. Clanfrizzle's—easily find it—large + fanlight over the door—huge lamp in the hall, and a strong odour of + mutton broth for thirty yards on each side of the premises—and as + good luck would have it, I see old Daly the counsellor, as they call him, + he's the very man to get to meet you, you always liked a character, eh!" + </p> + <p> + Saying this, O'Flaherty disengaged himself from my arm, and hurried across + the street towards a portly middle-aged looking gentleman, with the + reddest face I ever beheld. After a brief but very animated colloquy, Tom + returned, and informed that that all was right; he had secured Daly. + </p> + <p> + "And who is Daly?" said I, inquiringly, for I was rather interested in + hearing what peculiar qualification as a diner-out the counsellor might + lay claim to, many of Tom's friends being as remarkable for being the + quizzed as the quizzers. + </p> + <p> + "Daly," said he, "is the brother of a most distinguished member of the + Irish bar, of which he himself is also a follower, bearing however, no + other resemblance to the clever man than the name, for as assuredly as the + reputation of the one is inseparably linked with success, so unerringly is + the other coupled with failure, and strange to say, that the stupid man is + fairly convinced that his brother owes all his success to him, and that to + his disinterested kindness the other is indebted for his present exalted + station. Thus it is through life; there seems ever to accompany dullness a + sustaining power of vanity, that like a life-buoy, keeps a mass afloat + whose weight unassisted would sink into obscurity. Do you know that my + friend Denis there imagines himself the first man that ever enlightened + Sir Robert Peel as to Irish affairs; and, upon my word, his reputation on + this head stands incontestably higher than on most others." + </p> + <p> + "You surely cannot mean that Sir Roert Peel ever consulted with, much less + relied upon, the statements of such a person, as you described you friend + Denis to be?" + </p> + <p> + "He did both—and if he was a little puzzled by the information, the + only disgrace attaches to a government that send men to rule over us + unacquainted with our habits of thinking, and utterly ignorant of the + language—ay, I repeat it—but come, you shall judge for + yourself; the story is a short one, and fortunately so, for I must hasten + home to give timely notice of your coming to dine with me. When the + present Sir Robert Peel, then Mr. Peel, came over here, as secretary to + Ireland, a very distinguished political leader of the day invited a party + to meet him at dinner, consisting of men of different political leanings; + among whom were, as may be supposed, many members of the Irish bar; the + elder Daly was too remarkable a person to be omitted, but as the two + brothers resided together, there was a difficulty about getting him—however, + he must be had, and the only alternative that presented itself was adopted + —both were invited. When the party descended to the dining-room, by + one of those unfortunate accidents, which as the proverb informs us + occasionally take place in the best regulated establishments, the wrong + Mr. Daly got placed beside Mr. Peel, which post of honor had been destined + by the host for the more agreeable and talented brother. There was now no + help for it; and with a heart somewhat nervous for the consequences of the + proximity, the worthy entertainer sat down to do the honors as best he + might; he was consoled during dinner by observing that the devotion + bestowed by honest Denis on the viands before him effectually absorbed his + faculties, and thereby threw the entire of Mr. Peel's conversation towards + the gentleman on his other flank. This happiness was like most others, + destined to be a brief one. As the dessert made its appearance, Mr. Peel + began to listen with some attention to the conversation of the persons + opposite; with one of whom he was struck most forcibly—so happy a + power of illustration, so vivid a fancy, such logical precision in + argument as he evinced, perfectly charmed and surprised him. Anxious to + learn the name of so gifted an individual, he turned towards his hitherto + silent neighbour and demanded who he was. + </p> + <p> + "'Who is he, is it?' said Denis, hesitatingly, as if he half doubted such + extent of ignorance as not to know the person alluded to. + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Peel bowed in acquiescence. + </p> + <p> + "'That's Bushe!' said Denis, giving at the same time the same sound to the + vowel, u, as it obtains when occurring in the word 'rush.' + </p> + <p> + "'I beg pardon,' said Mr. Peel, 'I did not hear.' + </p> + <p> + "'Bushe!' replied Denis, with considerable energy of tone. + </p> + <p> + "'Oh, yes! I know,' said the secretary, 'Mr. Bushe, a very distinguished + member of your bar, I have heard.' + </p> + <p> + "'Faith, you may say that!' said Denis, tossing off his wine at what he + esteemed a very trite observation. + </p> + <p> + "'Pray,' said Mr. Peel, again returning to the charge, though certainly + feeling not a little surprised at the singular laconicism of his + informant, no less than the mellifluous tones of an accent then perfectly + new to him. 'Pray, may I ask, what is the peculiar character of Mr. + Bushe's eloquence? I mean of course, in his professional capacity.' + </p> + <p> + "'Eh!' said Denis, 'I don't comprehend you exactly.' + </p> + <p> + "'I mean,' said Mr. Peel, 'in one word, what's his forte?' + </p> + <p> + "'His forte!' + </p> + <p> + "'I mean what his peculiar gift consists in—' + </p> + <p> + "'Oh, I perceave—I have ye now—the juries!' + </p> + <p> + "'Ah! addressing a jury.' + </p> + <p> + "'Ay, the juries.' + </p> + <p> + "'Can you oblige me by giving me any idea of the manner in which he + obtains such signal success in this difficult branch of eloquence.' + </p> + <p> + "'I'll tell ye,' said Denis, leisurely finishing his glass, and smacking + his lips, with the air of a man girding up his loins for a mighty effort, + 'I'll tell ye—well, ye see the way he has is this,'—here Mr. + Peel's expectation rose to the highest degree of interest,—'the way + he has is this—he first butthers them up, and then slithers them + down! that's all, devil a more of a secret there's in it.'" + </p> + <p> + How much reason Denis had to boast of imparting early information to the + new secretary I leave my English readers to guess; my Irish ones I may + trust to do him ample justice. + </p> + <p> + My friend now left me to my own devices to while away the hours till time + to dress for dinner. Heaven help the gentleman so left in Dublin, say I. + It is, perhaps, the only city of its size in the world, where there is no + lounge—no promenade. Very little experience of it will convince you + that it abounds in pretty women, and has its fair share of agreeable men; + but where are they in the morning? I wish Sir Dick Lauder, instead of + speculating where salmon spent the Christmas holidays, would apply his + most inquiring mind to such a question as this. True it is, however, they + are not to be found. The squares are deserted—the streets are very + nearly so—and all that is left to the luckless wanderer in search of + the beautiful, is to ogle the beauties of Dame-street, who are shopkeepers + in Grafton-street, or the beauties of Grafton-street, who are shopkeepers + in Dame-street. But, confound it, how cranky I am getting—I must be + tremendously hungry. True, it's past six. So now for my suit of sable, and + then to dinner. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch13" id="ch13"></a>CHAPTER XIII. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + DUBLIN—THE BOARDING-HOUSE—SELECT SOCIETY. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + <a name="Mr._Cudmore_Filling_the_Teapot" + id="Mr._Cudmore_Filling_the_Teapot">Mr. Cudmore Filling the Teapot</a> + </h3> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%;"> + <img alt="Ch 13 Mr. Cudmore Filling Teapot.jpg (68K)" + src="images/Ch%2013%20%20Mr.%20Cudmore%20Filling%20Teapot.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <a href="images2/Ch%2013%20%20Mr.%20Cudmore%20Filling%20Teapot.jpg">BLACK + AND WHITE IMAGE</a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + Punctual to my appointment with O'Flaherty, I found myself a very few + minutes after six o'clock at Mrs. Clanfrizzle's door. My very + authoritative summons at the bell was answered by the appearance of a + young, pale-faced invalid, in a suit of livery the taste of which bore a + very unpleasant resemblance to the one I so lately figured in. It was with + considerable difficulty I persuaded this functionary to permit my carrying + my hat with me to the drawing-room, a species of caution on my part—as + he esteemed it—savouring much of distrust. This point however, I + carried, and followed him up a very ill-lighted stair to the drawing-room; + here I was announced by some faint resemblance to my real name, but + sufficiently near to bring my friend Tom at once to meet me, who + immediately congratulated me on my fortune in coming off so well, for that + the person who preceded me, Mr. Jones Blennerhasset, had been just + announced as Mr. Blatherhasit—a change the gentleman himself was not + disposed to adopt—"But come along, Harry, while we are waiting for + Daly, let me make you known to some of our party; this, you must know, is + a boarding-house, and always has some capital fun—queerest people + you ever met—I have only one hint—cut every man, woman, and + child of them, if you meet them hereafter—I do it myself, though I + have lived here these six months." Pleasant people, thought I, these must + be, with whom such a line is advisable, much less practicable. + </p> + <p> + "Mrs. Clanfrizzle, my friend Mr. Lorrequer; thinks he'll stay the summer + in town. Mrs. Clan—, should like him to be one of us." This latter + was said sotto voce, and was a practice he continued to adopt in + presenting me to his several friends through the room. + </p> + <p> + Miss Riley, a horrid old fright, in a bird of paradise plume, and corked + eyebrows, gibbetted in gilt chains and pearl ornaments, and looking as the + grisettes say, "superbe en chrysolite"—"Miss Riley, Captain + Lorrequer, a friend I have long desired to present to you—fifteen + thousand a-year and a baronetcy, if he has sixpence"—sotto again. + "Surgeon M'Culloch—he likes the title," said Tom in a whisper—"Surgeon, + Captain Lorrequer. By the by, lest I forget it, he wishes to speak to you + in the morning about his health; he is stopping at Sandymount for the + baths; you could go out there, eh!" The tall thing in green spectacles + bowed, and acknowledged Tom's kindness by a knowing touch of the elbow. In + this way he made the tour of the room for about ten minutes, during which + brief space, I was according to the kind arrangements of O'Flaherty, + booked as a resident in the boarding-house—a lover to at least five + elderly, and three young ladies—a patient—a client—a + second in a duel to a clerk in the post-office—and had also + volunteered (through him always) to convey, by all of his Majesty's mails, + as many parcels, packets, band-boxes, and bird-cages, as would have + comfortably filled one of Pickford's vans. All this he told me was + requisite to my being well received, though no one thought much of any + breach of compact subsequently, except Mrs. Clan—herself. The ladies + had, alas! been often treated vilely before; the doctor had never had a + patient; and as for the belligerent knight of the dead office, he'd rather + die than fight any day. + </p> + <p> + The last person to whom my friend deemed it necessary to introduce me, was + a Mr. Garret Cudmore, from the Reeks of Kerry, lately matriculated to all + the honors of freshmanship in the Dublin university. This latter was a + low-sized, dark-browed man, with round shoulders, and particularly long + arms, the disposal of which seemed sadly to distress him. He possessed the + most perfect brogue I ever listened to; but it was difficult to get him to + speak, for on coming up to town some weeks before, he had been placed by + some intelligent friend at Mrs. Clanfrizzle's establishment, with the + express direction to mark and thoroughly digest as much as he could of the + habits and customs of the circle about him, which he was rightly informed + was the very focus of good breeding and haut ton; but on no account, + unless driven thereto by the pressure of sickness, or the wants of nature, + to trust himself with speech, which, in his then uninformed state, he was + assured would inevitably ruin him among his fastidiously cultivated + associates. + </p> + <p> + To the letter and the spirit of the despatch he had received, the worthy + Garret acted rigidly, and his voice was scarcely ever known to transgress + the narrow limits prescribed by his friends. In more respects that one, + was this a good resolve; for so completely had he identified himself with + college habits, things, and phrases, that whenever he conversed, he became + little short of unintelligible to the vulgar—a difficulty not + decreased by his peculiar pronunciation. + </p> + <p> + My round of presentation was just completed, when the pale figure in light + blue livery announced Counsellor Daly and dinner, for both came + fortunately together. Taking the post of honour, Miss Riley's arm, I + followed Tom, who I soon perceived ruled the whole concern, as he led the + way with another ancient vestal in black satin and bugles. The long + procession wound its snake-like length down the narrow stair, and into the + dining-room, where at last we all got seated; and here let me briefly + vindicate the motives of my friend—should any unkind person be found + to impute to his selection of a residence, any base and grovelling passion + for gourmandaise, that day's experience should be an eternal vindication + of him. The soup—alas! that I should so far prostitute the word; for + the black broth of Sparta was mock turtle in comparison—retired to + make way for a mass of beef, whose tenderness I did not question; for it + sank beneath the knife of the carver like a feather bed—the skill of + Saladin himself would have failed to divide it. The fish was a most + rebellious pike, and nearly killed every loyal subject at table; and then + down the sides were various comestibles of chickens, with azure bosoms, + and hams with hides like a rhinoceros; covered dishes of decomposed + vegetable matter, called spinach and cabbage; potatoes arrayed in small + masses, and browned, resembling those ingenious architectural structures + of mud, children raise in the high ways, and call dirt-pies. Such were the + chief constituents of the "feed;" and such, I am bound to confess, waxed + beautifully less under the vigorous onslaught of the party. + </p> + <p> + The conversation soon became both loud and general. That happy familiarity—which + I had long believed to be the exclusive prerogative of a military mess, + where constant daily association sustains the interest of the veriest + trifles—I here found in a perfection I had not anticipated, with + this striking difference, that there was no absurd deference to any + existing code of etiquette in the conduct of the party generally, each + person quizzing his neighbour in the most free and easy style imaginable, + and all, evidently from long habit and conventional usage, seeming to + enjoy the practice exceedingly. Thus, droll allusions, good stories, and + smart repartees, fell thick as hail, and twice as harmless, which any + where else that I had ever heard of, would assuredly have called for more + explanations, and perhaps gunpowder, in the morning, than usually are + deemed agreeable. Here, however, they knew better; and though the lawyer + quizzed the doctor for never having another patient than the house dog, + all of whose arteries he had tied in the course of the winter for practice—and + the doctor retorted as heavily, by showing that the lawyer's practice had + been other than beneficial to those for whom he was concerned—his + one client being found guilty, mainly through his ingenious defence of + him; yet they never showed the slightest irritation—on the + contrary, such little playful badinage ever led to some friendly passages + of taking wine together, or in arrangements for a party to the "Dargle," + or "Dunleary;" and thus went on the entire party, the young ladies darting + an occasion slight at their elders, who certainly returned the fire, often + with advantage; all uniting now and then, however, in one common cause, an + attack of the whole line upon Mrs. Clanfrizzle herself, for the beef, or + the mutton, or the fish, or the poultry—each of which was sure to + find some sturdy defamer, ready and willing to give evidence in dispraise. + Yet even these, and I thought them rather dangerous sallies, led to no + more violent results than dignified replies from the worthy hostess, upon + the goodness of her fare, and the evident satisfaction it afforded while + being eaten, if the appetites of the party were a test. While this was at + its height, Tom stooped behind my chair, and whispered gently— + </p> + <p> + "This is good—isn't it, eh?—life in a boarding-house—quite + new to you; but they are civilized now compared to what you'll find them + in the drawing-room. When short whist for five-penny points sets in—then + Greek meets Greek, and we'll have it." + </p> + <p> + During all this melee tournament, I perceived that the worthy jib as he + would be called in the parlance of Trinity, Mr. Cudmore, remained + perfectly silent, and apparently terrified. The noise, the din of voices, + and the laughing, so completely addled him, that he was like one in a very + horrid dream. The attention with which I had observed him, having been + remarked by my friend O'Flaherty, he informed me that the scholar, as he + was called there, was then under a kind of cloud—an adventure which + occurred only two nights before, being too fresh in his memory to permit + him enjoying himself even to the limited extent it had been his wont to + do. As illustrative, not only of Mr. Cudmore, but the life I have been + speaking of, I may as well relate it. + </p> + <p> + Soon after Mr. Cudmore's enlistment under the banners of the Clanfrizzle, + he had sought and found an asylum in the drawing-room of the + establishment, which promised, from its geographical relations, to expose + him less to the molestations of conversation than most other parts of the + room. This was a small recess beside the fire-place, not uncommon in + old-fashioned houses, and which, from its incapacity to hold more than + one, secured to the worthy recluse the privacy he longed for; and here, + among superannuated hearth-brushes, an old hand screen, an asthmatic + bellows, and a kettle-holder, sat the timid youth, "alone, but in a + crowd." Not all the seductions of loo, limited to three pence, nor even + that most appropriately designated game, beggar-my-neighbour—could + withdraw him from his blest retreat. Like his countryman, St. Kevin—my + friend Petrie has ascertained that the saint was a native of Tralee—he + fled from the temptations of the world, and the blandishments of the fair; + but, alas! like the saint himself, the + </p> + <p> + "poor jib little knew<br /> All that wily sex can do;" + </p> + <p> + For while he hugged himself in the security of his fortress, the web of + his destiny was weaving. So true is it, as he himself used, no less + pathetically than poetically to express it, "misfortune will find you out, + if ye were hid in a tay chest." + </p> + <p> + It happened that in Mrs. Clanfrizzle's establishment, the "enfant bleu," + already mentioned, was the only individual of his sex retained; and + without for a moment disparaging the ability or attentions of this gifted + person, yet it may reasonably be credited, that in waiting on a party of + twenty-five or thirty persons at dinner, all of whom he had admitted as + porter, and announced as maitre d'hotel, with the subsequent detail of his + duties in the drawing-room, that Peter, blue Peter—his + boarding-house soubriquet—not enjoying the bird-like privilege of + "being in two places at once," gave one rather the impression of a person + of hasty and fidgetty habits—for which nervous tendency the + treatment he underwent was certainly injudicious—it being the + invariable custom for each guest to put his services in requisition, + perfectly irrespective of all other claims upon him, from whatsoever + quarter coming—and then, at the precise moment that the luckless + valet was snuffing the candles, he was abused by one for not bringing + coal; by another for having carried off his tea-cup, sent on an expedition + for sugar; by a third for having left the door open, which he had never + been near; and so on to the end of the chapter. + </p> + <p> + It chanced that a few evenings previous to my appearance at the house, + this indefatigable Caleb was ministering as usual to the various and + discrepant wants of the large party assembled in the drawing-room. With + his wonted alacrity he had withdrawn from their obscure retreat against + the wall, sundry little tables, destined for the players at whist, or + "spoil five"—the popular game of the establishment. With a dexterity + that savoured much of a stage education, he had arranged the candles, the + cards, the counters; he had poked the fire, settled the stool for Miss + Riley's august feet, and was busily engaged in changing five shillings + into small silver for a desperate victim of loo—when Mrs. + Clanfrizzle's third, and, as it appeared, last time, of asking for the + kettle smote upon his ear. His loyalty would have induced him at once to + desert every thing on such an occasion; but the other party engaged, held + him fast, saying— + </p> + <p> + "Never mind HER, Peter—you have sixpence more to give me." + </p> + <p> + Poor Peter rummaged one pocket, then another—discovering at last + three pence in copper, and some farthings, with which he seemed + endeavouring to make a composition with his creditor for twelve shillings + in the pound; when Mrs. Clan's patience finally becoming exhausted, she + turned towards Mr. Cudmore, the only unemployed person she could perceive, + and with her blandest smile said, + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Cudmore, may I take the liberty of requesting you would hand me the + kettle beside you." + </p> + <p> + Now, though the kettle aforesaid was, as the hostess very properly + observed, beside him, yet the fact that in complying with the demand, it + was necessary for the bashful youth to leave the recess he occupied, and, + with the kettle, proceed to walk half across the room—there to + perform certain manual operations requiring skill and presence of mind, + before a large and crowded assembly—was horror to the mind of the + poor Jib; and he would nearly as soon have acceded to a desire to dance a + hornpipe, if such had been suggested as the wish of the company. However, + there was nothing for it; and summoning up all his nerve—knitting + his brows—clenching his teeth, like one prepared to "do or die," he + seized the hissing cauldron, and strode through the room, like the + personified genius of steam, very much to the alarm of all the old ladies + in the vicinity, whose tasteful drapery benefitted but little from his + progress. Yet he felt but little of all this; he had brought up his + courage to the sticking place, and he was absolutely half unconscious of + the whole scene before him; nor was it till some kind mediator had seized + his arm, while another drew him back by the skirts of the coat, that he + desisted from the deluge of hot water, with which, having filled the + tea-pot, he proceeded to swamp every thing else upon the tray, in his + unfortunate abstraction. Mrs. Clanfrizzle screamed—the old ladies + accompanied her —the young ones tittered—the men laughed—and, + in a word, poor Cudmore, perfectly unconscious of any thing extraordinary, + felt himself the admired of all admirers,—very little, it is true, + to his own satisfaction. After some few minutes exposure to these eclats + de rire, he succeeded in depositing the source of his griefs within the + fender, and once more retired to his sanctuary,—having registered a + vow, which, should I speak it, would forfeit his every claim to gallantry + for ever. + </p> + <p> + Whether in the vow aforesaid Mr. Cudmore had only been engaged in that + species of tesselating which furnishes the pavement so celebrated in the + lower regions, I know not; but true it is, that he retired that night to + his chamber very much discomfited at his debut in the great world, and + half disposed to believe that nature had neither intended him for a + Brummel nor a D'Orsay. While he was ruminating on such matters, he was + joined by O'Flaherty, with whom he had been always more intimate than any + other inmate of the house—Tom's tact having entirely concealed what + the manners of the others too plainly evinced, the perfect appreciation of + the student's oddity and singularity. After some few observations on + general matters, O'Flaherty began with a tone of some seriousness to + express towards Cudmore the warm interest he had ever taken in him, since + his first coming among them; his great anxiety for his welfare, and his + firm resolve that no chance or casual inattention to mere ceremonial + observances on his part should ever be seized on by the other guests as a + ground for detraction or an excuse for ridicule of him. + </p> + <p> + "Rely upon it, my dear boy," said he, "I have watched over you like a + parent; and having partly foreseen that something like this affair of + to-night would take place sooner or later"— + </p> + <p> + "What affair?" said Cudmore—his eyes staring half out of his head. + </p> + <p> + "That business of the kettle." + </p> + <p> + "Kett—el. The kettle! What of that?" said Cudmore. + </p> + <p> + "What of it? Why, if you don't feel it, I am sure it is not my duty to + remind you; only"— + </p> + <p> + "Feel it—oh, yes. I saw them laughing, because I spilled the water + over old Mrs. Jones, or something of that sort." + </p> + <p> + "No, no, my dear young friend, they were not laughing at that—their + mirth had another object." + </p> + <p> + "What the devil was it at, then?" + </p> + <p> + "You don't know, don't you?" + </p> + <p> + "No; I really do not." + </p> + <p> + "Nor can't guess—eh?" + </p> + <p> + "Confound me if I can." + </p> + <p> + "Well. I see, Mr. Cudmore, you are really too innocent for these people. + But come—it shall never be said that youth and inexperience ever + suffered from the unworthy ridicule and cold sarcasm of the base world, + while Tom O'Flaherty stood by a spectator. + </p> + <p> + "Sir," said Tom, striking his hand with energy on the table, and darting a + look of fiery indignation from his eye, "Sir, you were this night + trepanned—yes, sir, vilely, shamefully trepanned—I repeat the + expression—into the performance of a menial office—an office + so degrading, so offensive, so unbecoming the rank, the station, and the + habits of gentlemen, my very blood recoils when I only think of the + indignity." + </p> + <p> + The expression of increasing wonder and surprise depicted in Mr. Cudmore's + face at these words, my friend Phiz might convey—I cannot venture to + describe it—suffice it to say, that even O'Flaherty himself found it + difficult to avoid a burst of laughter, as he looked at him and resumed. + </p> + <p> + "Witnessing, as I did, the entire occurrence; feeling deeply for the + inexperience which the heartless worldlings had dared to trample upon, I + resolved to stand by you, and here I am come for that purpose." + </p> + <p> + "Well, but what in the devil's name have I done all this time?" + </p> + <p> + "What! are you still ignorant?—is it possible? Did you not hand the + kettle from the fire-place, and fill the tea-pot?—answer me that!" + </p> + <p> + "I did," said Cudmore, with a voice already becoming tremulous. + </p> + <p> + "Is that the duty of a gentleman?—answer me that." + </p> + <p> + A dead pause stood in place of a reply, while Tom proceeded— + </p> + <p> + "Did you ever hear any one ask me, or Counsellor Daly, or Mr. Fogarty, or + any other person to do so?—answer me that." + </p> + <p> + "No; never" muttered Cudmore, with a sinking spirit. + </p> + <p> + "Well then why may I ask, were you selected for an office that by your own + confession, no one else would stoop to perform? I'll tell you, because + from your youth and inexperience, your innocence was deemed a fit victim + to the heartless sneers of a cold and unfeeling world." And here Tom broke + forth into a very beautiful apostrophe, beginning— + </p> + <p> + "Oh, virtue!" (this I am unfortunately unable to present to my readers; + and must only assure them that it was a very faithful imitation of the + well-known one delivered by Burke in the case of Warren Hastings,) and + concluding with an exhortation to Cudmore to wipe out the stain of his + wounded honour, by repelling with indignation the slightest future attempt + at such an insult. + </p> + <p> + This done, O'Flaherty retired, leaving Cudmore to dig among Greek roots, + and chew over the cud of his misfortune. Punctual to the time and place, + that same evening beheld the injured Cudmore resume his wonted corner, + pretty much with the feeling with which a forlorn hope stands match in + hand to ignite the train destined to explode with ruin to thousands—himself + perhaps amongst the number: there he sat with a brain as burning, and a + heart as excited, as though, instead of sipping his bohea beside a + sea-coal fire, he was that instant trembling beneath the frown of Dr. + Elrington, for the blunders in his Latin theme, and what terror to the + mind of a "Jib" can equal that one? + </p> + <p> + As luck would have it, this was a company night in the boarding-house. + Various young ladies in long blue sashes, and very broad ribbon sandals, + paraded the rooms, chatting gaily with very distinguished looking young + gentlemen, with gold brooches, and party-coloured inside waistcoats; + sundry elderly ladies sat at card-tables, discussing the "lost honour by + an odd trick they played," with heads as large as those of Jack or Jill in + the pantomime; spruce clerks in public offices, (whose vocation the + expansive tendency of the right ear, from long pen-carrying, betokened) + discussed fashion, "and the musical glasses" to some very over-dressed + married ladies, who preferred flirting to five-and-ten. The tea-table, + over which the amiable hostess presided, had also its standing votaries: + mostly grave parliamentary-looking gentlemen, with powdered heads, and + very long-waisted black coats, among whom the Sir Oracle was a functionary + of his Majesty's High Court of Chancery, though I have reason to believe, + not, Lord Manners: meanwhile, in all parts of the room might be seen Blue + Peter, distributing tea, coffee, and biscuit, and occasionally + interchanging a joke with the dwellers in the house. While all these + pleasing occupations proceeded, the hour of Cudmore's trial was + approaching. The tea-pot which had stood the attack of fourteen cups + without flinching, at last began to fail, and discovered to the prying + eyes of Mrs. Clanfrizzle, nothing but an olive-coloured deposit of soft + matter, closely analogous in appearance and chemical property to the + residuary precipitate in a drained fish-pond; she put down the lid with a + gentle sigh and turning towards the fire bestowed one of her very blandest + and most captivating looks on Mr. Cudmore, saying—as plainly as + looks could say—"Cudmore, you're wanting." Whether the youth did, or + did not understand, I am unable to record: I can only say, the appeal was + made without acknowledgment. Mrs. Clanfrizzle again essayed, and by a + little masonic movement of her hand to the tea-pot, and a sly glance at + the hob, intimated her wish—still hopelessly; at last there was + nothing for it but speaking; and she donned her very softest voice, and + most persuasive tone, saying— + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Cudmore, I am really very troublesome: will you permit me to ask + you?"— + </p> + <p> + "Is it for the kettle, ma'am?" said Cudmore, with a voice that startled + the whole room, disconcerting three whist parties, and so absorbing the + attention of the people at loo, that the pool disappeared without any one + being able to account for the circumstance. + </p> + <p> + "Is it for the kettle, ma'am?" + </p> + <p> + "If you will be so very kind," lisped the hostess. + </p> + <p> + "Well, then, upon my conscience, you are impudent," said Cudmore, with his + face crimsoned to the ears, and his eyes flashing fire. + </p> + <p> + "Why, Mr. Cudmore," began the lady, "why, really, this is so strange. Why + sir, what can you mean?" + </p> + <p> + "Just that," said the imperturbable jib, who now that his courage was up, + dared every thing. + </p> + <p> + "But sir, you must surely have misunderstood me. I only asked for the + kettle, Mr. Cudmore." + </p> + <p> + "The devil a more," said Cud, with a sneer. + </p> + <p> + "Well, then, of course"— + </p> + <p> + "Well, then, I'll tell you, of course," said he, repeating her words; "the + sorrow taste of the kettle, I'll give you. Call you own skip—Blue + Pether there—damn me, if I'll be your skip any longer." + </p> + <p> + For the uninitiated I have only to add, that "skip" is the Trinity College + appellation for servant, which was therefore employed by Mr. Cudmore, on + this occasion, as expressing more contemptuously his sense of the + degradation of the office attempted to be put upon him. Having already + informed my reader on some particulars of the company, I leave him to + suppose how Mr. Cudmore's speech was received. Whist itself was at an end + for that evening, and nothing but laughter, long, loud, and reiterated, + burst from every corner of the room for hours after. + </p> + <p> + As I have so far travelled out of the record of my own peculiar + confessions, as to give a leaf from what might one day form the matter of + Mr. Cudmore's, I must now make the only amende in my power, by honestly + narrating, that short as my visit was to the classic precincts of this + agreeable establishment, I did not escape without exciting my share of + ridicule, though, I certainly had not the worst of the joke, and may, + therefore, with better grace tell the story, which, happily for my + readers, is a very brief one. A custom prevailed in Mrs. Clanfrizzle's + household, which from my unhappy ignorance of boarding-houses, I am unable + to predicate if it belong to the genera at large, or this one specimen in + particular, however, it is a sufficiently curious fact, even though + thereby hang no tale, for my stating it here. The decanters on the + dinner-table were never labelled, with their more appropriate designation + of contents, whether claret, sherry, or port, but with the names of their + respective owners, it being a matter of much less consequence that any + individual at table should mix his wine, by pouring "port upon madeira," + than commit the truly legal offence of appropriating to his own use and + benefit, even by mistake, his neighbour's bottle. However well the system + may work among the regular members of the "domestic circle," and I am + assured that it does succeed extremely—to the newly arrived guest, + or uninitiated visitor, the affair is perplexing, and leads occasionally + to awkward results. + </p> + <p> + It so chanced, from my friend O'Flaherty's habitual position at the foot + of the table, and my post of honour near the head, that on the first day + of my appearing there, the distance between us, not only precluded all + possible intercourse, but any of those gentle hints as to habits and + customs, a new arrival looks for at the hands of his better informed + friend. The only mode of recognition, to prove that we belonged to each + other, being by that excellent and truly English custom of drinking wine + together, Tom seized the first idle moment from his avocation as carver to + say, + </p> + <p> + "Lorrequer, a glass of wine with you." + </p> + <p> + Having, of course, acceded, he again asked, + </p> + <p> + "What wine do you drink?" intending thereby, as I afterwards learned, to + send me from his end of the table, what wine I selected. Not conceiving + the object of the inquiry, and having hitherto without hesitation helped + myself from the decanter, which bore some faint resemblance to sherry, I + immediately turned for correct information to the bottle itself, upon + whose slender neck was ticketed the usual slip of paper. My endeavours to + decypher the writing occupied time sufficient again to make O'Flaherty + ask, + </p> + <p> + "Well, Harry, I'm waiting for you. Will you have port?" + </p> + <p> + "No, I thank you," I replied, having by this revealed the inscription. + "No, I thank you; I'll just stick to my old friend here, Bob M'Grotty;" + for thus I rendered familiarly the name of Rt. M'Grotty on the decanter, + and which I in my ignorance believed to be the boarding-house soubriquet + for bad sherry. That Mr. M'Grotty himself little relished my familiarity + with either his name or property I had a very decisive proof, for turning + round upon his chair, and surveying my person from head to foot with a + look of fiery wrath, he thundered out in very broad Scotch, + </p> + <p> + "And by my saul, my freend, ye may just as weel finish it noo, for deil a + glass o' his ain wine did Bob M'Grotty, as ye ca' him, swallow this day." + </p> + <p> + The convulsion of laughter into which my blunder and the Scotchman's + passion threw the whole board, lasted till the cloth was withdrawn, and + the ladies had retired to the drawing-room, the only individual at table + not relishing the mistake being the injured proprietor of the bottle, who + was too proud to accept reparation from my friend's decanter, and would + scarcely condescend to open his lips during the evening; notwithstanding + which display of honest indignation, we contrived to become exceedingly + merry and jocose, most of the party communicating little episodes of their + life, in which, it is true, they frequently figured in situations that + nothing but their native and natural candour would venture to avow. One + story I was considerably amused at; it was told by the counsellor, Mr. + Daly, in illustration of the difficulty of rising at the bar, and which, + as showing his own mode of obviating the delay that young professional men + submit to from hard necessity, as well as in evidence of his strictly + legal turn, I shall certainly recount, one of these days, for the + edification of the junior bar. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch14" id="ch14"></a>CHAPTER XIV. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + THE CHASE. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + On the morning after my visit to the boarding-house, I received a few + hurried lines from Curzon, informing me that no time was to be lost in + joining the regiment—that a grand fancy ball was about to be given + by the officers of the Dwarf frigate, then stationed off Dunmore; who, + when inviting the ___, specially put in a demand for my well-known + services, to make it to go off, and concluding with an extract from the + Kilkenny Moderator, which ran thus— + </p> + <blockquote> + <blockquote> + <p> + "An intimation has just reached us, from a quarter on which we can + place the fullest reliance, that the celebrated amateur performer, Mr. + Lorrequer, may shortly be expected amongst us; from the many accounts + we have received of this highly-gifted gentleman's powers, we + anticipate a great treat to the lovers of the drama," "So you see, my + dear Hal," continued Curzon, "thy vocation calls thee; therefore come, + and come quickly—provide thyself with a black satin costume, + slashed with light blue—point lace collar and ruffles—a + Spanish hat looped in front—and, if possible, a long rapier, + with a flap hilt.—Carden is not here; so you may show your face + under any colour with perfect impunity.—Yours from the side + scenes, + </p> + <p> + "C. Curzon." + </p> + </blockquote> + </blockquote> + <p> + This clever epistle sufficed to show me that the gallant __th had gone + clean theatrical mad; and although from my "last appearance on any stage," + it might be supposed I should feel no peculiar desire to repeat the + experiment, yet the opportunity of joining during Col. Carden's absence, + was too tempting to resist, and I at once made up my mind to set out, and, + without a moment's delay, hurried across the street to the coach office, + to book myself an inside in the mail of that night; fortunately no + difficulty existed in my securing the seat, for the way-bill was a perfect + blank, and I found myself the only person who had, as yet, announced + himself a passenger. On returning to my hotel, I found O'Flaherty waiting + for me; he was greatly distressed on hearing my determination to leave + town—explained how he had been catering for my amusement for the + week to come—that a picnic to the Dargle was arranged in a committee + of the whole house, and a boating party, with a dinner at the + Pigeon-house, was then under consideration; resisting, however, such + extreme temptations, I mentioned the necessity of my at once proceeding to + headquarters, and all other reasons for my precipitancy failing, concluded + with that really knock-down argument, "I have taken my place;" this, I + need scarcely add, finished the matter—at least I have never known + it fail in such cases. Tell your friends that your wife is hourly + expecting to be confined; your favourite child is in the measles—you + best friend waiting your aid in an awkward scrape—your one vote only + wanting to turn the scale in an election. Tell them, I say, each or all of + these, or a hundred more like them, and to any one you so speak, the + answer is—"Pooh, pooh, my dear fellow, never fear—don't fuss + yourself —take it easy—to-morrow will do just as well." If, on + the other hand, however, you reject such flimsy excuses, and simply say, + "I'm booked in the mail," the opposition at once falls to the ground, and + your quondam antagonist, who was ready to quarrel with you, is at once + prepared to assist in packing your portmanteau. + </p> + <p> + Having soon satisfied my friend Tom that resistance was in vain, I + promised to eat an early dinner with him at Morrisson's, and spent the + better part of the morning in putting down a few notes of my Confessions, + as well as the particulars of Mr. Daly's story, which, I believe, I half + or wholly promised my readers at the conclusion of my last chapter; but + which I must defer to a more suitable opportunity, when mentioning the + next occasion of my meeting him on the southern circuit. + </p> + <p> + My dispositions were speedily made. I was fortunate in securing the exact + dress my friend's letter alluded to among the stray costumes of + Fishamble-street; and rich in the possession of the only "properties" it + has been my lot to acquire, I despatched my treasure to the coach office, + and hastened to Morrisson's, it being by this time nearly five o'clock. + There, true to time, I found O'Flaherty deep in the perusal of the bill, + along which figured the novel expedients for dining, I had been in the + habit of reading in every Dublin hotel since my boyhood. "Mock turtle, + mutton, gravy, roast beef and potatoes—shoulder of mutton and + potatoes! —ducks and peas, potatoes!! ham and chicken, cutlet steak + and potatoes!!! apple tart and cheese:" with a slight cadenza of a sigh + over the distant glories of Very, or still better the "Freres," we sat + down to a very patriarchal repast, and what may be always had par + excellence in Dublin, a bottle of Sneyd's claret. + </p> + <p> + Poor Tom's spirits were rather below their usual pitch; and although he + made many efforts to rally and appear gay, he could not accomplish it. + However, we chatted away over old times and old friends, and forgetting + all else but the topics we talked of, the time-piece over the chimney + first apprised me that two whole hours had gone by, and that it was now + seven o'clock, the very hour the coach was to start. I started up at once, + and notwithstanding all Tom's representations of the impossibility of my + being in time, had despatched waiters in different directions for a + jarvey, more than ever determined upon going; so often is it that when + real reasons for our conduct are wanting, any casual or chance opposition + confirms us in an intention which before was but uncertain. Seeing me so + resolved, Tom, at length, gave way, and advised my pursuing the mail, + which must be now gone at least ten minutes, and which, with smart + driving, I should probably overtake before getting free of the city, as + they have usually many delays in so doing. I at once ordered out the + "yellow post-chaise," and before many minutes had elapsed, what, with + imprecation and bribery, I started in pursuit of his Majesty's Cork and + Kilkenny mail coach, then patiently waiting in the court-yard of the Post + Office. + </p> + <p> + "Which way now, your honor?" said a shrill voice from the dark—for + such the night had already become, and threatened with a few heavy drops + of straight rain, the fall of a tremendous shower. + </p> + <p> + "The Naas road," said I; "and, harkye, my fine fellow, if you overtake the + coach in half an hour, I'll double your fare." + </p> + <p> + "Be gorra, I'll do my endayvour," said the youth; at the same time instant + dashing in both spurs, we rattled down Nassau-street at a very respectable + pace for harriers. Street after street we passed, and at last I perceived + we had got clear of the city, and were leaving the long line of + lamp-lights behind us. The night was now pitch dark. I could not see any + thing whatever. The quick clattering of the wheels, the sharp crack of the + postillion's whip, or the still sharper tone of his "gee hup," showed me + we were going at a tremendous pace, had I not even had the experience + afforded by the frequent visits my head paid to the roof of the chaise, so + often as we bounded over a stone, or splashed through a hollow. Dark and + gloomy as it was, I constantly let down the window, and with half my body + protruded, endeavores to catch a glimpse of the "Chase;" but nothing could + I see. The rain now fell in actual torrents; and a more miserable night it + is impossible to conceive. + </p> + <p> + After about an hour so spent, he at last came to a check, so sudden and + unexpected on my part, that I was nearly precipitated, harlequin fashion, + through the front window. Perceiving that we no longer moved, and + suspecting that some part of our tackle had given way, I let down the + sash, and cried out—"Well now, my lad, any thing wrong?" My + questions was, however, unheard; and although, amid the steam arising from + the wet and smoking horses, I could perceive several figures indistinctly + moving about, I could not distinguish what they were doing, nor what they + said. A laugh I certainly did hear, and heartily cursed the unfeeling + wretch, as I supposed him to be, who was enjoying himself at my + disappointment. I again endeavoured to find out what had happened, and + called out still louder than before. + </p> + <p> + "We are at Ra'coole, your honor," said the boy, approaching the door of + the chaise, "and she's only beat us by hafe a mile." + </p> + <p> + "Who the devil is she?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "The mail, your honor, is always a female in Ireland." + </p> + <p> + "Then why do you stop now? You're not going to feed I suppose?" + </p> + <p> + "Of course not, your honor, it's little feeding troubles these bastes, any + how, but they tell me the road is so heavy we'll never take the chaise + over the next stage without leaders." + </p> + <p> + "Without leaders!" said I. "Pooh! my good fellow, no humbugging, four + horses for a light post-chaise and no luggage; come get up, and no + nonsense." At this moment a man approached the window with a lantern in + his hand, and so strongly represented the dreadful state of the roads from + the late rains—the length of the stage—the frequency of + accidents latterly from under-horsing, that I yielded, a reluctant assent, + and ordered out the leaders, comforting myself the while, that considering + the inside fare of the coach, I made such efforts to overtake, was under a + pound, and that time was no object to me, I certainly was paying somewhat + dearly for my character for resolution. + </p> + <p> + At last we got under way once more, and set off cheered by a tremendous + shout from at least a dozen persons, doubtless denizens of that + interesting locality, amid which I once again heard the laugh that had so + much annoyed me already. The rain was falling, if possible, more heavily + than before, and had evidently set in for the entire night. Throwing + myself back into a corner of the "leathern convenience," I gave myself up + to the full enjoyment of the Rouchefoucauld maxim, that there is always a + pleasure felt in the misfortunes of even our best friends, and certainly + experienced no small comfort in my distress, by contrasting my present + position with that of my two friends in the saddle, as they sweltered on + through mud and mire, rain and storm. On we went, splashing, bumping, + rocking, and jolting, till I began at last to have serious thoughts of + abdicating the seat and betaking myself to the bottom of the chaise, for + safety and protection. Mile after mile succeeded, and as after many a + short and fitful slumber, which my dreams gave an apparent length to, I + woke only to find myself still in pursuit—the time seemed so + enormously protracted that I began to fancy my whole life was to be passed + in the dark, in chase of the Kilkenny mail, as we read in the true history + of the flying Dutchman, who, for his sins of impatience—like mine—spent + centuries vainly endeavouring to double the Cape, or the Indian mariner in + Moore's beautiful ballad, of whom we are told as— + </p> + <table summary=""> + <tr> + <td> + "Many a day to night gave way,<br /> And many a morn succeeded,<br /> + Yet still his flight, by day and night,<br /> That restless mariner + speeded."<br /> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + <p> + This might have been all very well in the tropics, with a smart craft and + doubtless plenty of sea store—but in a chaise, at night, and on the + Naas road, I humbly suggest I had all the worse of the parallel. + </p> + <p> + At last the altered sound of the wheels gave notice of our approach to a + town, and after about twenty minutes; rattling over the pavement we + entered what I supposed, correctly, to be Naas. Here I had long since + determined my pursuit should cease. I had done enough, and more than + enough, to vindicate my fame against any charge of irresolution as to + leaving Dublin, and was bethinking me of the various modes of prosecuting + my journey on the morrow, when we drew up suddenly at the door of the + Swan. The arrival of a chaise and four at a small country town inn, + suggests to the various employees therein, any thing rather than the + traveller in pursuit of the mail, and so the moment I arrived, I was + assailed with innumerable proffers of horses, supper, bed, My anxious + query was thrice repeated in vain, "When did the coach pass?" + </p> + <p> + "The mail," replied the landlord at length. "Is it the down mail?" + </p> + <p> + Not understanding the technical, I answered, "Of course not the Down—the + Kilkenny and Cork mail." + </p> + <p> + "From Dublin, sir?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, from Dublin." + </p> + <p> + "Not arrived yet, sir, nor will it for three quarters of an hour; they + never leave Dublin till a quarter past seven; that is, in fact, half past, + and their time here is twenty minutes to eleven." + </p> + <p> + "Why, you stupid son of a boot-top, we have been posting on all night like + the devil, and all this time the coach has been ten miles behind us." + </p> + <p> + "Well, we've cotch them any how," said the urchin, as he disengaged + himself from his wet saddle, and stood upon the ground; "and it is not my + fault that the coach is not before us." + </p> + <p> + With a satisfactory anathema upon all innkeepers, waiters, hostlers, and + post-boys, with a codicil including coach-proprietors, I followed the + smirking landlord into a well-lighted room, with a blazing fire, when + having ordered supper, I soon regained my equanimity. + </p> + <p> + My rasher and poached eggs, all Naas could afford me, were speedily + despatched, and as my last glass, from my one pint of sherry, was poured + out, the long expected coach drew up. A minute after the coachman entered + to take his dram, followed by the guard; a more lamentable spectacle of + condensed moisture cannot be conceived; the rain fell from the entire + circumference of his broad-brimmed hat, like the ever-flowing drop from + the edge of an antique fountain; his drab-coat had become a deep orange + hue, while his huge figure loomed still larger, as he stood amid a nebula + of damp, that would have made an atmosphere for the Georgium Sidus. + </p> + <p> + "Going on to-night, sir?" said he, addressing me; "severe weather, and no + chance of its clearing, but of course you're inside." + </p> + <p> + "Why, there is very little doubt of that," said I. "Are you nearly full + inside?" + </p> + <p> + "Only one, sir; but he seems a real queer chap; made fifty inquiries at + the office if he could not have the whole inside to himself, and when he + heard that one place had been taken—your's, I believe, sir—he + seemed like a scalded bear." + </p> + <p> + "You don't know his name then?" + </p> + <p> + "No, sir, he never gave a name at the office, and his only luggage is two + brown paper parcels, without any ticket, and he has them inside; indeed he + never lets them from him even for a second." + </p> + <p> + Here the guard's horn, announcing all ready, interrupted our colloquy, and + prevented my learning any thing further of my fellow-traveller, whom, + however, I at once set down in my own mind for some confounded old churl + that made himself comfortable every where, without ever thinking of any + one else's convenience. + </p> + <p> + As I passed from the inn door to the coach, I once more congratulated + myself that I was about to be housed from the terrific storm of wind and + rain that railed about. + </p> + <p> + "Here's the step, sir," said the guard, "get in, sir, two minutes late + already." + </p> + <p> + "I beg your pardon, sir," said I, as I half fell over the legs of my + unseen companion. "May I request leave to pass you?" While he made way for + me for this purpose, I perceived that he stooped down towards the guard, + and said something, who from his answer had evidently been questioned as + to who I was. "And how did he get here, if he took his place in Dublin?" + asked the unknown. + </p> + <p> + "Came half an hour since, sir, in a chaise and four," said the guard, as + he banged the door behind him, and closed the interview. + </p> + <p> + Whatever might have been the reasons for my fellow-traveller's anxiety + about my name and occupation, I knew not, yet could not help feeling + gratified at thinking that as I had not given my name at the coach office, + I was a great a puzzle to him as he to me. + </p> + <p> + "A severe night, sir," said I, endeavouring to break ground in + conversation. + </p> + <p> + "Mighty severe," briefly and half crustily replied the unknown, with a + richness of brogue, that might have stood for a certificate of baptism in + Cork or its vicinity. + </p> + <p> + "And a bad road too, sir," said I, remembering my lately accomplished + stage. + </p> + <p> + "That's the reason I always go armed," said the unknown, clinking at the + same moment something like the barrel of a pistol. + </p> + <p> + Wondering somewhat at his readiness to mistake my meaning, I felt disposed + to drop any further effort to draw him out, and was about to address + myself to sleep, as comfortably as I could. + </p> + <p> + "I'll jist trouble ye to lean aff that little parcel there, sir," said he, + as he displaced from its position beneath my elbow, one of the paper + packages the guard had already alluded to. + </p> + <p> + In complying with this rather gruff demand, one of my pocket pistols, + which I carried in my breast pocket, fell out upon his knee, upon which he + immediately started, and asked hurriedly—"and are you armed too?" + </p> + <p> + "Why, yes," said I, laughingly; "men of my trade seldom go without + something of this kind." + </p> + <p> + "Be gorra, I was just thinking that same," said the traveller, with a half + sigh to himself. + </p> + <p> + Why he should or should not have thought so, I never troubled myself to + canvass, and was once more settling myself in my corner, when I was + startled by a very melancholy groan, which seemed to come from the bottom + of my companion's heart. + </p> + <p> + "Are you ill, sir?" said I, in a voice of some anxiety. + </p> + <p> + "You might say that," replied he—"if you knew who you were talking + to—although maybe you've heard enough of me, though you never saw me + till now." + </p> + <p> + "Without having that pleasure even yet," said I, "it would grieve me to + think you should be ill in the coach." + </p> + <p> + "May be it might," briefly replied the unknown, with a species of meaning + in his words I could not then understand. "Did ye never hear tell of + Barney Doyle?" said he. + </p> + <p> + "Not to my recollection." + </p> + <p> + "Then I'm Barney," said he; "that's in all the newspapers in the + metropolis; I'm seventeen weeks in Jervis-street hospital, and four in the + Lunatic, and the devil a better after all; you must be a stranger, I'm + thinking, or you'd know me now." + </p> + <p> + "Why I do confess, I've only been a few hours in Ireland for the last six + months." + </p> + <p> + "Ay, that's the reason; I knew you would not be fond of travelling with + me, if you knew who it was." + </p> + <p> + "Why, really," said I, beginning at the moment to fathom some of the hints + of my companion, "I did not anticipate the pleasure of meeting you." + </p> + <p> + "It's pleasure ye call it; then there's no accountin' for tastes, as Dr. + Colles said, when he saw me bite Cusack Rooney's thumb off." + </p> + <p> + "Bite a man's thumb off!" said I, in a horror. + </p> + <p> + "Ay," said he with a kind of fiendish animation, "in one chop; I wish + you'd see how I scattered the consultation; begad they didn't wait to ax + for a fee." + </p> + <p> + Upon my soul, a very pleasant vicinity, though I. "And, may I ask sir," + said I, in a very mild and soothing tone of voice, "may I ask the reason + for this singular propensity of yours?" + </p> + <p> + "There it is now, my dear," said he, laying his hand upon my knee + familiarly, "that's just the very thing they can't make out; Colles says, + it's all the ceribellum, ye see, that's inflamed and combusted, and some + of the others think it's the spine; and more, the muscles; but my real + impression is, the devil a bit they know about it at all." + </p> + <p> + "And have they no name for the malady?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "Oh sure enough they have a name for it." + </p> + <p> + "And, may I ask—" + </p> + <p> + "Why, I think you'd better not, because ye see, maybe I might be + throublesome to ye in the night, though I'll not, if I can help it; and it + might be uncomfortable to you to be here if I was to get one of the fits." + </p> + <p> + "One of the fits! Why it's not possible, sir," said I, "you would travel + in a public conveyance in the state you mention; your friends surely would + not permit it?" + </p> + <p> + "Why, if they knew, perhaps," slily responded the interesting invalid, "if + they knew they might not exactly like it, but ye see, I escaped only last + night, and there'll be a fine hub-bub in the morning, when they find I'm + off; though I'm thinking Rooney's barking away by this time." + </p> + <p> + "Rooney barking, why, what does that mean?" + </p> + <p> + "They always bark for a day or two after they're bit, if the infection + comes first from the dog." + </p> + <p> + "You are surely not speaking of hydrophobia," said I, my hair actually + bristling with horror and consternation. + </p> + <p> + "Ayn't I?" replied he; "may be you've guessed it though." + </p> + <p> + "And have you the malady on you at present?" said I, trembling for the + answer. + </p> + <p> + "This is the ninth day since I took to biting," said he gravely, perfectly + unconscious as it appeared of the terror such information was calculated + to convey. + </p> + <p> + "Any with such a propensity, sir, do you think yourself warranted in + travelling in a public coach, exposing others—" + </p> + <p> + "You'd better not raise your voice, that way," quietly responded he, "if + I'm roused, it 'll be worse for ye, that's all." + </p> + <p> + "Well but," said I, moderating my zeal, "is it exactly prudent, in your + present delicate state, to undertake a journey?" + </p> + <p> + "Ah," said he, with a sigh, "I've been longing to see the fox hounds throw + off, near Kilkenny; these three weeks I've been thinking of nothing else; + but I'm not sure how my nerves will stand the cry; I might be + throublesome." + </p> + <p> + "Upon my soul," thought I, "I shall not select that morning for my debut + in the field." + </p> + <p> + "I hope, sir, there's no river, or watercourse on this road—any + thing else, I can, I hope, control myself against; but water—running + water particularly—makes me throublesome." + </p> + <p> + Well knowing what he meant by the latter phrase, I felt the cold + perspiration settling on my forehead, as I remembered that we must be + within about ten or twelve miles of Leighlin-bridge, where we should have + to pass a very wide river. I strictly concealed this fact from him, + however, and gave him to understand that there was not a well, brook, or + rivulet, for forty miles on either side of us. He now sunk into a kind of + moody silence, broken occasionally by a low muttering noise, as if + speaking to himself—what this might portend, I knew not—but + thought it better, under all circumstances, not to disturb him. How + comfortable my present condition was, I need scarcely remark—sitting + vis a vis to a lunatic, with a pair of pistols in his possession—who + had already avowed his consciousness of his tendency to do mischief, and + his inability to master it; all this in the dark, and in the narrow limits + of a mail-coach, where there was scarcely room for defence, and no + possibility of escape—how heartily I wished myself back in the + Coffee-room at Morrisson's, with my poor friend Tom—the infernal + chaise, that I cursed a hundred times, would have been an "exchange," + better than into the Life Guards—ay, even the outside of the coach, + if I could only reach it, would, under present circumstances, be a + glorious alternative to my existing misfortune. What were rain and storm, + thunder and lightning, compared with the chances that awaited me here?—wet + through I should inevitably be, but then I had not yet contracted the + horror of moisture my friend opposite laboured under. "Ha! what is that? + is it possible he can be asleep; is it really a snore?—Heaven grant + that little snort be not what the medical people call a premonitory + symptom—if so, he'll be in upon me now in no time. Ah, there it is + again; he must be asleep surely; now then is my time or never." With these + words, muttered to myself, and a heart throbbing almost audibly at the + risk of his awakening, I slowly let down the window of the coach, and + stretching forth my hand, turned the handle cautiously and slowly; I next + disengaged my legs, and by a long continuous effort of creeping—which + I had learned perfectly once, when practising to go as a boa constrictor + to a fancy ball—I withdrew myself from the seat and reached the + step, when I muttered something very like a thanksgiving to Providence for + my rescue. With little difficulty I now climbed up beside the guard, whose + astonishment at my appearance was indeed considerable—that any man + should prefer the out, to the inside of a coach, in such a night, was + rather remarkable; but that the person so doing should be totally + unprovided with a box-coat, or other similar protection, argued something + so strange, that I doubt not, if he were to decide upon the applicability + of the statute of lunacy to a traveller in the mail, the palm would + certainly have been awarded to me, and not to my late companion. Well, on + we rolled, and heavily as the rain poured down, so relieved did I feel at + my change of position, that I soon fell fast asleep, and never awoke till + the coach was driving up Patrick-street. Whatever solace to my feelings + reaching the outside of the coach might have been attended with at night, + the pleasure I experienced on awaking, was really not unalloyed. More dead + than alive, I sat a mass of wet clothes, like nothing under heaven except + it be that morsel of black and spongy wet cotton at the bottom of a + schoolboy's ink bottle, saturated with rain, and the black dye of my coat. + My hat too had contributed its share of colouring matter, and several long + black streaks coursed down my "wrinkled front," giving me very much the + air of an Indian warrior, who had got the first priming of his war paint. + I certainly must have been rueful object, were I only to judge from the + faces of the waiters as they gazed on me when the coach drew up at Rice + and Walsh's hotel. Cold, wet, and weary as I was, my curiosity to learn + more of my late agreeable companion was strong as ever within me—perhaps + stronger, from the sacrifices his acquaintance had exacted from me. + Before, however, I had disengaged myself from the pile of trunks and + carpet bags I had surrounded myself with—he had got out of the + coach, and all I could catch a glimpse of was the back of a little short + man in a kind of grey upper coat, and long galligaskins on his legs. He + carried his two bundles under his arm, and stepped nimbly up the steps of + the hotel, without turning his head to either side. + </p> + <p> + "Don't fancy you shall escape me now, my good friend," I cried out, as I + sprung from the roof to the ground, with one jump, and hurried after the + great unknown into the coffee-room. By the time I reached it he had + approached the fire, on the table near which, having deposited the + mysterious paper parcels, he was now busily engaged in divesting himself + of his great coat; his face was still turned from me, so that I had time + to appear employed in divesting myself of my wet drapery before he + perceived me; at last the coat was unbuttoned, the gaiters followed, and + throwing them carelessly on a chair, he tucked up the skirts of his coat; + and spreading himself comfortably a l'Anglais, before the fire, displayed + to my wondering and stupified gaze, the pleasant features of Doctor + Finucane. + </p> + <p> + "Why, Doctor—Doctor Finucane," cried I, "is this possible? were you + really the inside in the mail last night." + </p> + <p> + "Devil a doubt of it, Mr. Lorrequer; and may I make bould to ask,—were + you the outside?" + </p> + <p> + "Then what, may I beg to know, did you mean by your damned story about + Barney Doyle, and the hydrophobia, and Cusack Rooney's thumb—eh?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, by the Lord," said Finucane, "this will be the death of me; and it + was you that I drove outside in all the rain last night! Oh, it will kill + Father Malachi outright with laughing, when I tell him;" and he burst out + into a fit of merriment that nearly induced me to break his head with the + poker. + </p> + <p> + "Am I to understand, then, Mr. Finucane, that this practical joke of your + was contrived for my benefit, and for the purpose of holding me up to the + ridicule of your confounded acquaintances." + </p> + <p> + "Nothing of the kind, upon my conscience," said Fin, drying his eyes, and + endeavouring to look sorry and sentimental. "If I had only the least + suspicion in life that it was you, upon my oath I'd not have had the + hydrophobia at all, and, to tell you the truth, you were not the only one + frightened—you alarmed me devilishly too." + </p> + <p> + "I alarmed you! Why, how can that be?" + </p> + <p> + "Why, the real affair is this: I was bringing these two packages of notes + down to my cousin Callaghan's bank in Cork—fifteen thousand pounds—devil + a less; and when you came into the coach at Naas, after driving there with + your four horses, I thought it was all up with me. The guard just + whispered in my ear, that he saw you look at the priming of your pistols + before getting in; and faith I said four paters, and a hail Mary, before + you'd count five. Well, when you got seated, the thought came into my mind + that maybe, highwayman as you were, you would not like dying a natural + death, more particularly if you were an Irishman; and so I trumped up that + long story about the hydrophobia, and the gentleman's thumb, and devil + knows what besides; and, while I was telling it, the cold perspiration was + running down my head and face, for every time you stirred, I said to + myself, now he'll do it. Two or three times, do you know, I was going to + offer you ten shillings in the pound, and spare my life; and once, God + forgive me, I thought it would not be a bad plan to shoot you by + 'mistake,' do you perceave?" + </p> + <p> + "Why, upon my soul, I'm very much obliged to you for your excessively kind + intentions; but really I feel you have done quite enough for me on the + present occasion. But, come now, doctor, I must get to bed, and before I + go, promise me two things—to dine with us to-day at the mess, and + not to mention a syllable of what occurred last night—it tells, + believe me, very badly for both; so, keep the secret, for if these + confounded fellows of ours ever get hold of it, I may sell out, or quit + the army; I'll never hear the end of it!" + </p> + <p> + "Never fear, my boy; trust me. I'll dine with you, and you're as safe as a + church-mouse for any thing I'll tell them; so, now you'd better change + your clothes, for I'm thinking it rained last night." + </p> + <p> + Muttering some very dubious blessings upon the learned Fin, I left the + room, infinitely more chagrined and chop-fallen at the discovery I had + made, than at all the misery and exposure the trick had consigned me to; + "however," thought I, "if the doctor keep his word, it all goes well; the + whole affair is between us both solely; but, should it not be so, I may + shoot half the mess before the other half would give up quizzing me." + Revolving such pleasant thought, I betook myself to bed, and what with + mulled port, and a blazing fire, became once more conscious of being a + warm-blooded animal, and feel sound asleep, to dream of doctors, strait + waistcoats, shaved heads, and all the pleasing associations my late + companion's narrative so readily suggested. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch15" id="ch15"></a>CHAPTER XV. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + MEMS. OF THE NORTH CORK. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + <a name="Dr._Finucane_and_the_Grey_Mare" + id="Dr._Finucane_and_the_Grey_Mare">Dr. Finucane and the Grey Mare</a> + </h3> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%;"> + <img alt="Ch 15 Dr Finucane and Grey Mare.jpg (84K)" + src="images/Ch%2015%20%20Dr%20Finucane%20and%20Grey%20Mare.jpg" + width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <a href="images2/Ch%2015%20%20Dr%20Finucane%20and%20Grey%20Mare.jpg">BLACK + AND WHITE IMAGE</a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + At six o'clock I had the pleasure of presenting the worthy Doctor Finucane + to our mess, taking at the same time an opportunity, unobserved by him, to + inform three or four of my brother officers that my friend was really a + character, abounding in native drollery, and richer in good stories than + even the generality of his countrymen. + </p> + <p> + Nothing could possibly go on better than the early part of the evening. + Fin, true to his promise, never once alluded to what I could plainly + perceive was ever uppermost in his mind, and what with his fund of humour, + quaintness of expression, and quickness at reply, garnished throughout by + his most mellifluous brogue, the true "Bocca Corkana," kept us from one + roar of laughter to another. It was just at the moment in which his + spirits seemed at their highest, that I had the misfortune to call upon + him for a story, which his cousin Father Malachi had alluded to on the + ever-memorable evening at his house, and which I had a great desire to + hear from Fin's own lips. He seemed disposed to escape telling it, and + upon my continuing to press my request, drily remarked, + </p> + <p> + "You forget, surely, my dear Mr. Lorrequer, the weak condition I'm in; and + these gentlemen here, they don't know what a severe illness I've been + labouring under lately, or they would not pass the decanter so freely down + this quarter." + </p> + <p> + I had barely time to throw a mingled look of entreaty and menace across + the table, when half-a-dozen others, rightly judging from the Doctor's + tone and serio-comic expression, that his malady had many more symptoms of + fun than suffering about it, called out together— + </p> + <p> + "Oh, Doctor, by all means, tell us the nature of your late attack—pray + relate it." + </p> + <p> + "With Mr. Lorrequer's permission I'm your slave, gentlemen," said Fin, + finishing off his glass. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, as for me," I cried, "Dr. Finucane has my full permission to detail + whatever he pleases to think a fit subject for your amusement." + </p> + <p> + "Come then, Doctor, Harry has no objection you see; so out with it, and we + are all prepared to sympathise with your woes and misfortunes, whatever + they be." + </p> + <p> + "Well, I am sure, I never could think of mentioning it without his leave; + but now that he sees no objection—Eh, do you though? if so, then, + don't be winking and making faces at me; but say the word, and devil a + syllable of it I'll tell to man or mortal." + </p> + <p> + The latter part of this delectable speech was addressed to me across the + table, in a species of stage whisper, in reply to some telegraphic signals + I had been throwing him, to induce him to turn the conversation into any + other channel. + </p> + <p> + "Then, that's enough," continued he sotto voce—"I see you'd rather + I'd not tell it." + </p> + <p> + "Tell it and be d____d," said I, wearied by the incorrigible pertinacity + with which the villain assailed me. My most unexpected energy threw the + whole table into a roar, at the conclusion of which Fin began his + narrative of the mail-coach adventure. + </p> + <p> + I need not tell my reader, who has followed me throughout in these my + Confessions, that such a story lost nothing of its absurdity, when + entrusted to the Doctor's powers of narration; he dwelt with a poet's + feeling upon the description of his own sufferings, and my sincere + condolence and commiseration; he touched with the utmost delicacy upon the + distant hints by which he broke the news to me; but when he came to + describe my open and undisguised terror, and my secret and precipitate + retreat to the roof of the coach, there was not a man at table that was + not convulsed with laughter—-and, shall I acknowledge it, even I + myself was unable to withstand the effect, and joined in the general + chorus against myself. + </p> + <p> + "Well," said the remorseless wretch, as he finished his story, "if ye + haven't the hard hearts to laugh at such a melancholy subject. Maybe, + however, you're not so cruel after all—here's a toast for you, 'a + speedy recovery to Cusack Rooney.'" This was drank amid renewed peals, + with all the honors; and I had abundant time before the uproar was over, + to wish every man of them hanged. It was to no purpose that I endeavoured + to turn the tables, by describing Fin's terror at my supposed resemblance + to a highwayman—-his story had the precedence, and I met nothing + during my recital but sly allusions to mad dogs, muzzles, and doctors; and + contemptible puns were let off on every side at my expense. + </p> + <p> + "It's little shame I take to myself for the mistake, any how," said Fin, + "for putting the darkness of the night out of question, I'm not so sure I + would not have ugly suspicions of you by daylight." + </p> + <p> + "And besides, Doctor," added I, "it would not be your first blunder in the + dark." + </p> + <p> + "True for you, Mr. Lorrequer," said he, good-humouredly; "and now that I + have told them your story, I don't care if they hear mine, though maybe + some of ye have heard it already—it's pretty well known in the North + Cork." + </p> + <p> + We all gave our disclaimers on this point, and having ordered in a fresh + cooper of port, disposed ourselves in our most easy attitudes, while the + Doctor proceeded as follows:— + </p> + <p> + "It was in the hard winter of the year __99, that we were quartered in + Maynooth, as many said, for our sins—for a more stupid place, the + Lord be merciful to it, never were men condemned to. The people at the + college were much better off than us—they had whatever was to be got + in the country, and never were disturbed by mounting guard, or night + patrols. Many of the professors were good fellows, that liked grog fully + as well as Greek, and understood short whist, and five and ten quite as + intimately as they knew the Vulgate, or the confessions of St. Augustine + —they made no ostentacious display of their pious zeal, but whenever + they were not fasting, or praying, or something of that kind, they were + always pleasant and agreeable; and to do them justice, never refused, by + any chance, an invitation to dinner—no matter at what inconvenience. + Well, even this little solace in our affliction we soon lost, by an + unfortunate mistake of that Orange rogue of the world, Major Jones, that + gave a wrong pass one night—Mr. Lorrequer knows the story, (here he + alluded to an adventure detailed in an early chapter of my Confessions)—and + from that day forward we never saw the pleasant faces of the Abbe D'Array, + or the Professor of the Humanities, at the mess. Well, the only thing I + could do, was just to take an opportunity to drop in at the College in the + evening, where we had a quiet rubber of whist, and a little social and + intellectual conversation, with maybe an oyster and a glass of punch, just + to season the thing, before we separated; all done discreetly and quietly—no + shouting nor even singing, for the 'superior' had a prejudice about + profane songs. Well, one of those nights it was, about the first week in + February, I was detained by stress of weather from 11 o'clock, when we + usually bade good-night, to past twelve, and then to one o'clock, waiting + for a dry moment to get home to the barracks—a good mile and a half + off. Every time old Father Mahony went to look at the weather, he came + back saying, 'It's worse it's getting; such a night of rain, glory be to + God, never was seen.' So there was no good in going out to be drenched to + the skin, and I sat quietly waiting, taking, between times, a little + punch, just not to seem impatient, nor distress their rev'rances. At last + it struck two, and I thought—'well, the decanter is empty now, and I + think, if I mean to walk, I've taken enough for the present;' so, wishing + them all manner of happiness, and pleasant dreams, I stumbled by way down + stairs, and set out on my journey. I was always in the habit of taking a + short cut on my way home, across the 'gurt na brocha,' the priest's + meadows, as they call them, it saved nearly half a mile, although, on the + present occasion, it exposed one wofully to the rain, for there was + nothing to shelter against the entire way, not even a tree. Well, out I + set in a half trot, for I staid so late I was pressed for time; besides, I + felt it easier to run than walk; I'm sure I can't tell why; maybe the drop + of drink I took got into my head. Well, I was just jogging on across the + common; the rain beating hard in my face, and my clothes pasted to me with + the wet; notwithstanding, I was singing to myself a verse of an old song, + to lighten the road, when I heard suddenly a noise near me, like a man + sneezing. I stopped and listened,—in fact, it was impossible to see + your hand, the night was so dark—but I could hear nothing; the + thought then came over me, maybe it's something 'not good,' for there were + very ugly stories going about what the priests used to do formerly in + these meadows; and bones were often found in different parts of them. Just + as I was thinking this, another voice came nearer than the last; it might + be only a sneeze, after all; but in real earnest it was mighty like a + groan. 'The Lord be about us,' I said to myself, 'what's this?—have + ye the pass?' I cried out, 'have ye the pass? or what brings ye walking + here, in nomine patri?' for I was so confused whether it was a 'sperit' or + not, I was going to address him in Latin—there's nothing equal to + the dead languages to lay a ghost, every body knows. Faith the moment I + said these words he gave another groan, deeper and more melancholy like + than before. 'If it's uneasy ye are,' says I, 'for any neglect of your + friends,' for I thought he might be in purgatory longer than he thought + convenient, 'tell me what you wish, and go home peaceably out of the rain, + for this weather can do no good to living or dead; go home,' said I, 'and, + if it's masses ye'd like, I'll give you a day's pay myself, rather than + you should fret yourself this way.' The words were not well out of my + mouth, when he came so near me that the sigh he gave went right through + both my ears; 'the Lord be merciful to me,' said I, trembling. 'Amen,' + says he, 'whether you're joking or not.' The moment he said that my mind + was relieved, for I knew it was not a sperit, and I began to laugh + heartily at my mistake; 'and who are ye at all?' said I, 'that's roving + about, at this hour of the night, ye can't be Father Luke, for I left him + asleep on the carpet before I quitted the college, and faith, my friend, + if you hadn't the taste for divarsion ye would not be out now?' He coughed + then so hard that I could not make out well what he said, but just + perceived that he had lost his way on the common, and was a little + disguised in liquor. 'It's a good man's case,' said I, 'to take a little + too much, though it's what I don't ever do myself; so, take a hold of my + hand, and I'll see you safe.' I stretched out my hand, and got him, not by + the arm, as I hoped, but by the hair of the head, for he was all dripping + with wet, and had lost his hat. 'Well, you'll not be better of this + night's excursion,' thought I, 'if ye are liable to the rheumatism; and, + now, whereabouts do you live, my friend, for I'll see you safe, before I + leave you?' What he said then I never could clearly make out, for the wind + and rain were both beating so hard against my face that I could not hear a + word; however, I was able just to perceive that he was very much disguised + in drink, and spoke rather thick. 'Well, never mind,' said I, 'it's not a + time of day for much conversation; so, come along, and I'll see you safe + in the guard-house, if you can't remember your own place of abode in the + meanwhile.' It was just at the moment I said this that I first discovered + he was not a gentleman. Well, now, you'd never guess how I did it; and, + faith I always thought it a very cute thing of me, and both of us in the + dark." + </p> + <p> + "Well, I really confess it must have been a very difficult thing, under + the circumstances; pray how did you contrive?" said the major. + </p> + <p> + "Just guess how." + </p> + <p> + "By the tone of his voice perhaps, and his accent," said Curzon. + </p> + <p> + "Devil a bit, for he spoke remarkably well, considering how far gone he + was in liquor." + </p> + <p> + "Well, probably by the touch of his hand; no bad test." + </p> + <p> + "No; you're wrong again, for it was by the hair I had a hold of him for + fear of falling, for he was always stooping down. Well, you'd never guess + it; it was just by the touch of his foot." + </p> + <p> + "His foot! Why how did that give you any information?" + </p> + <p> + "There it is now; that's just what only an Irishman would ever have made + any thing out of; for while he was stumbling about, he happened to tread + upon my toes, and never, since I was born, did I feel any thing like the + weight of him. 'Well,' said I, 'the loss of your hat may give you a cold, + my friend; but upon my conscience you are in no danger of wet feet with + such a pair of strong brogues as you have on you.' Well, he laughed at + that till I thought he'd split his sides, and, in good truth, I could not + help joining in the fun, although my foot was smarting like mad, and so we + jogged along through the rain, enjoying the joke just as if we were + sitting by a good fire, with a jorum of punch between us. I am sure I + can't tell you how often we fell that night, but my clothes the next + morning were absolutely covered with mud, and my hat crushed in two; for + he was so confoundedly drunk it was impossible to keep him up, and he + always kept boring along with his head down, so that my heart was almost + broke in keeping him upon his legs. I'm sure I never had a more fatiguing + march in the whole Peninsula, than that blessed mile and a half; but every + misfortune has an end at last, and it was four o'clock, striking by the + college clock, as we reached the barracks. After knocking a couple of + times, and giving the countersign, the sentry opened the small wicket, and + my heart actually leaped with joy that I had done with my friend; so, I + just called out the sergeant of the guard, and said, 'will you put that + poor fellow on the guard-bed till morning, for I found him on the common, + and he could neither find his way home nor tell me where he lived.' 'And + where is he?' said the sergeant. 'He's outside the gate there,' said I, + 'wet to the skin, and shaking as if he had the ague.' 'And is this him?' + said the sergeant as we went outside. 'It is,' said I, 'maybe you know + him?' 'Maybe I've a guess,' said he, bursting into a fit of laughing, that + I thought he'd choke with. 'Well, sergeant,' said I, 'I always took you + for a humane man; but, if that's the way you treat a fellow-creature in + distress.' 'A fellow-creature,' said he, laughing louder than before. 'Ay, + a fellow-creature,' said I—for the sergeant was an orangeman—'and + if he differs from you in matters of religion, sure he's your + fellow-creature still.' 'Troth, Doctor, I think there's another trifling + difference betune us,' said he. 'Damn your politics,' said I; 'never let + them interfere with true humanity.' Wasn't I right, Major? 'Take good care + of him, and there's a half-a-crown for ye.' So saying these words, I + steered along by the barrack wall, and, after a little groping about, got + up stairs to my quarters, when, thanks to a naturally good constitution, + and regular habits of life, I soon fell fast asleep." + </p> + <p> + When the Doctor had said thus much, he pushed his chair slightly from the + table, and, taking off his wine, looked about him with the composure of a + man who has brought his tale to a termination. + </p> + <p> + "Well, but Doctor," said the Major, "you are surely not done. You have not + yet told us who your interesting friend turned out to be." + </p> + <p> + "That's the very thing, then, I'm not able to do." + </p> + <p> + "But, of course," said another, "your story does not end there." + </p> + <p> + "And where the devil would you have it end?" replied he. "Didn't I bring + my hero home, and go asleep afterwards myself, and then, with virtue + rewarded, how could I finish it better?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, of course; but still you have not accounted for a principal character + in the narrative," said I. + </p> + <p> + "Exactly so," said Curzon. "We were all expecting some splendid + catastrophe in the morning; that your companion turned out to be the Duke + of Leinster, at least—or perhaps a rebel general, with an immense + price upon his head." + </p> + <p> + "Neither the one nor the other," said Fin, drily. + </p> + <p> + "And do you mean to say there never was any clue to the discovery of him?" + </p> + <p> + "The entire affair is wrapt in mystery to this hour," said he. "There was + a joke about it, to be sure, among the officers; but the North Cork never + wanted something to laugh at." + </p> + <p> + "And what was the joke?" said several voices together. + </p> + <p> + "Just a complaint from old Mickey Oulahan, the postmaster, to the Colonel, + in the morning, that some of the officers took away his blind mare off the + common, and that the letters were late in consequence." + </p> + <p> + "And so, Doctor," called out seven or eight, "your friend turned out to be—" + </p> + <p> + "Upon my conscience they said so, and that rascal, the serjeant, would + take his oath of it; but my own impression I'll never disclose to the hour + of my death." + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch16" id="ch16"></a>CHAPTER XVI. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + THEATRICALS. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + <a name="Lorrequer_Practising_Physic" id="Lorrequer_Practising_Physic">Lorrequer + Practising Physic</a> + </h3> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%;"> + <img alt="Ch 16 Lorrequer Practising Physic.jpg (88K)" + src="images/Ch%2016%20%20Lorrequer%20Practising%20Physic.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <a href="images2/Ch%2016%20%20Lorrequer%20Practising%20Physic.jpg">BLACK + AND WHITE IMAGE</a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + Our seance at the mess that night was a late one, for after we had + discussed some coopers of claret, there was a very general public feeling + in favour of a broiled bone and some devilled kidneys, followed by a very + ample bowl of bishop, over which simple condiments we talked "green room" + till near the break of day. + </p> + <p> + From having been so long away from the corps I had much to learn of their + doings and intentions to do, and heard with much pleasure that they + possessed an exceedingly handsome theatre, well stocked with scenery, + dresses, and decorations; that they were at the pinnacle of public + estimation, from what they had already accomplished, and calculated on the + result of my appearance to crown them with honour. I had indeed very + little choice left me in the matter; for not only had they booked me for a + particular part, but bills were already in circulation, and sundry little + three-cornered notes enveloping them, were sent to the elite of the + surrounding country, setting forth that "on Friday evening the committee + of the garrison theatricals, intending to perform a dress rehearsal of the + 'Family Party,' request the pleasure of Mr. ____ and Mrs. ____'s company + on the occasion. Mr. Lorrequer will undertake the part of Captain + Beauguarde. Supper at twelve. An answer will oblige." + </p> + <p> + The sight of one of these pleasant little epistles, of which the foregoing + is a true copy—was presented to me as a great favour that evening, + it having been agreed upon that I was to know nothing of their high and + mighty resolves till the following morning. It was to little purpose that + I assured them all, collectively and individually, that of Captain + Beauguarde I absolutely knew nothing—had never read the piece—nor + even seen it performed. I felt, too, that my last appearance in character + in a "Family Party," was any thing but successful; and I trembled lest, in + the discussion of the subject, some confounded allusion to my adventure at + Cheltenham might come out. Happily they seemed all ignorant of this; and + fearing to bring conversation in any way to the matter of my late travels, + I fell in with their humour, and agreed that if it were possible, in the + limited time allowed me to manage it—I had but four days—I + should undertake the character. My concurrence failed to give the full + satisfaction I expected, and they so habitually did what they pleased with + me, that, like all men so disposed, I never got the credit for concession + which a man more niggardly of his services may always command. + </p> + <p> + "To be sure you will do it, Harry," said the Major, "why not? I could + learn the thing myself in a couple of hours, as for that." + </p> + <p> + Now, be it known that the aforesaid Major was so incorrigibly slow of + study, and dull of comprehension, that he had been successively degraded + at our theatrical board from the delivering of a stage message to the + office of check-taker. + </p> + <p> + "He's so devilish good in the love scene," said the junior ensign, with + the white eyebrows. "I say, Curzon, you'll be confoundedly jealous though, + for he is to play with Fanny." + </p> + <p> + "I rather think not," said Curzon, who was a little tipsy. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, yes," said Frazer, "Hepton is right. Lorrequer has Fanny for his + 'Frou;' and, upon my soul, I should feel tempted to take the part myself + upon the same terms; though I verily believe I should forget I was acting, + and make fierce love to her on the stage." + </p> + <p> + "And who may la charmante Fanny be?" said I, with something of the air of + the "Dey of Algiers" in my tone. + </p> + <p> + "Let Curzon tell him," said several voices together, "he is the only man to + do justice to such perfection." + </p> + <p> + "Quiz away, my merry men," said Cruzon, "all I know is, that you are a + confoundedly envious set of fellows; and if so lovely a girl had thrown + her eyes on one amongst you--" + </p> + <p> + "Hip! hip! hurrah!" said old Fitzgerald, "Curzon is a gone man. He'll be + off to the palace for a license some fine morning, or I know nothing of + such matters." + </p> + <p> + "Well, Bat," said I, "if matters are really as you all say, why does not + Curzon take the part you destine for me?" + </p> + <p> + "We dare not trust him," said the Major, "Lord bless you, when the + call-boy would sing out for Captain Beaugarde in the second act, we'd find + that he had Levanted with our best slashed trowsers, and a bird of + paradise feather in his cap." + </p> + <p> + "Well," thought I, "this is better at least than I anticipated, for if + nothing else offers, I shall have rare fun teasing my friend Charley"—for + it was evident that he had been caught by the lady in question. + </p> + <p> + "And so you'll stay with us; give me your hand—you are a real + trump." These words, which proceeded from a voice at the lower end of the + table, were addressed to my friend Finucane. + </p> + <p> + "I'll stay with ye, upon my conscience," said Fin; "ye have a most + seductive way about ye; and a very superior taste in milk punch." + </p> + <p> + "But, Doctor," said I, "you must not be a drone in the hive; what will ye + do for us? You should be a capital Sir Lucius O'Trigger, if we could get + up the Rivals." + </p> + <p> + "My forte is the drum—the big drum; put me among what the Greeks + call the 'Mousikoi,' and I'll astonish ye." + </p> + <p> + It was at once agreed that Fin should follow the bent of his genius; and + after some other arrangements for the rest of the party, we separated for + the night, having previously toasted the "Fanny," to which Curzon + attempted to reply, but sank, overpowered by punch and feelings, and + looked unutterable things, without the power to frame a sentence. + </p> + <p> + During the time which intervened between the dinner and the night + appointed for our rehearsal, I had more business upon my hands than a + Chancellor of the Exchequer the week of the budget being produced. The + whole management of every department fell, as usual, to my share, and all + those who, previously to my arrival, had contributed their quota of + labour, did nothing whatever now but lounge about the stage, or sit half + the day in the orchestra, listening to some confounded story of + Finucane's, who contrived to have an everlasting mob of actors, + scene-painters, fiddlers, and call-boys always about him, who, from their + uproarious mirth, and repeated shouts of merriment, nearly drove me + distracted, as I stood almost alone and unassisted in the whole + management. Of la belle Fanny, all I learned was, that she was a + professional actress of very considerable talent, and extremely pretty; + that Curzon had fallen desperately in love with her the only night she had + appeared on the boards there, and that to avoid his absurd persecution of + her, she had determined not to come into town until the morning of the + rehearsal, she being at that time on a visit to the house of a country + gentleman in the neighbourhood. Here was a new difficulty I had to contend + with—to go through my part alone was out of the question to making + it effective; and I felt so worried and harassed that I often fairly + resolved on taking the wings of the mail, and flying away to the uttermost + parts of the south of Ireland, till all was tranquil again. By degrees, + however, I got matters into better train, and by getting our rehearsal + early before Fin appeared, as he usually slept somewhat later after his + night at mess, I managed to have things in something like order; he and + his confounded drum, which, whenever he was not story-telling, he was sure + to be practising on, being, in fact the greatest difficulties opposed to + my managerial functions. One property he possessed, so totally at variance + with all habits of order, that it completely baffled me. So numerous were + his narratives, that no occasion could possibly arise, no chance + expression be let fall on the stage, but Fin had something he deemed, + apropos, and which, sans facon, he at once related for the benefit of all + whom it might concern; that was usually the entire corps dramatique, who + eagerly turned from stage directions and groupings, to laugh at his + ridiculous jests. I shall give an instance of this habit of interruption, + and let the unhappy wight who has filled such an office as mine pity my + woes. + </p> + <p> + I was standing one morning on the stage drilling my "corps" as usual. One + most refractory spirit, to whom but a few words were entrusted, and who + bungled even those, I was endeavouring to train into something like his + part. + </p> + <p> + "Come now, Elsmore, try it again—just so. Yes, come forward in this + manner—take her hand tenderly—press it to your lips; retreat + towards the flat, and then bowing deferentially—thus, say 'Good + night, good night'—that's very simple, eh? Well, now that's all you + have to do, and that brings you over here—so you make your exit at + once." + </p> + <p> + "Exactly so, Mr. Elsmore, always contrive to be near the door under such + circumstances. That was the way with my poor friend, Curran. Poor Philpot, + when he dined with the Guild of Merchant Tailors, they gave him a gold box + with their arms upon it—a goose proper, with needles saltier wise, + or something of that kind; and they made him free of their 'ancient and + loyal corporation,' and gave him a very grand dinner. Well, Curran was + mighty pleasant and agreeable, and kept them laughing all night, till the + moment he rose to go away, and then he told them that he never spent so + happy an evening, and all that. 'But, gentlemen,' said he, 'business has + its calls, and I must tear myself away; so wishing you now'—there + were just eighteen of them—'wishing you now every happiness and + prosperity, permit me to take my leave'—and here he stole near the + door—'to take my leave, and bid you both good night.'" With a + running fire of such stories, it may be supposed how difficult was my task + in getting any thing done upon the stage. + </p> + <p> + Well, at last the long-expected Friday arrived, and I rose in the morning + with all that peculiar tourbillon of spirits that a man feels when he is + half pleased and whole frightened with the labour before him. I had + scarcely accomplished dressing when a servant tapped at my door, and + begged to know if I could spare a few moments to speak to Miss Ersler, who + was in the drawing-room. I replied, of course, in the affirmative, and, + rightly conjecturing that my fair friend must be the lovely Fanny already + alluded to, followed the servant down stairs. + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Lorrequer," said the servant, and closing the door behind me, left me + in sole possession of the lady. + </p> + <p> + "Will you do me the favour to sit here, Mr. Lorrequer," said one of the + sweetest voices in the world, as she made room for me on the sofa beside + her. "I am particularly short-sighted; so pray sit near me, as I really + cannot talk to any one I don't see." + </p> + <p> + I blundered out some platitude of a compliment to her eyes—the + fullest and most lovely blue that ever man gazed into—at which she + smiled as if pleased, and continued, "Now, Mr. Lorrequer, I have really + been longing for your coming; for your friends of the 4_th are doubtless + very dashing, spirited young gentlemen, perfectly versed in war's alarms; + but pardon me if I say that a more wretched company of strolling wretches + never graced a barn. Now, come, don't be angry, but let me proceed. Like + all amateur people, they have the happy knack in distributing the + characters—to put every man in his most unsuitable position—and + then that poor dear thing Curzon—I hope he's not a friend of yours—by + some dire fatality always plays the lover's parts, ha! ha! ha! True, I + assure you, so that if you had not been announced as coming this week, I + should have left them and gone off to Bath." + </p> + <p> + Here she rose and adjusted her brown ringlets at the glass, giving me + ample time to admire one of the most perfect figures I ever beheld. She + was most becomingly dressed, and betrayed a foot and ancle which for + symmetry and "chaussure," might have challenged the Rue Rivoli itself to + match it. + </p> + <p> + My first thought was poor Curzon; my second, happy and trice fortunate + Harry Lorrequer. There was no time, however, for indulgence in such very + pardonable gratulation; so I at once proceeded "pour faire l'aimable," to + profess my utter inability to do justice to her undoubted talents, but + slyly added, "that in the love making part of the matter she should never + be able to discover that I was not in earnest." We chatted then gaily for + upwards of an hour, until the arrival of her friend's carriage was + announced, when, tendering me most graciously her hand, she smiled + benignly and saying "au revoir, donc," drove off. + </p> + <p> + As I stood upon the steps of the hotel, viewing her "out of the visible + horizon," I was joined by Curzon, who evidently, from his self-satisfied + air, and jaunty gait, little knew how he stood in the fair Fanny's + estimation. + </p> + <p> + "Very pretty, very pretty, indeed, deeper and deeper still," cried he, + alluding to my most courteous salutation as the carriage rounded the + corner, and it lovely occupant kissed her hand once more. "I say Harry, my + friend, you don't think that was meant for you, I should hope?" + </p> + <p> + "What! the kiss of the hand? Yes, faith, but I do." + </p> + <p> + "Well, certainly that is good! why, man, she just saw me coming up that + instant. She and I—we understand each other—never mind, don't + be cross—no fault of yours, you know." + </p> + <p> + "Ah, so she is taken with you," said I. "Eh, Charley?" + </p> + <p> + "Why, I believe that. I may confess to you the real state of matters. She + was devilishly struck with me the first time we rehearsed together. We + soon got up a little flirtation; but the other night when I played Mirabel + to her, it finished the affair. She was quite nervous, and could scarcely + go through with her part. I saw it, and upon my soul I am sorry for it; + she's a prodigiously fine girl—such lips and such teeth! Egad I was + delighted when you came; for, you see, I was in a manner obliged to take + one line of character, and I saw pretty plainly where it must end; and you + know with you it's quite different, she'll laugh and chat, and all that + sort of thing, but she'll not be carried away by her feelings; you + understand me?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, perfectly; it's quite different, as you observed." + </p> + <p> + If I had not been supported internally during this short dialogue by the + recently expressed opinion of the dear Fanny herself upon my friend + Curzon's merits, I think I should have been tempted to take the liberty of + wringing his neck off. However, the affair was much better as it stood, as + I had only to wait a little with proper patience, and I had no fears but + that my friend Charley would become the hero of a very pretty episode for + the mess. + </p> + <p> + "So I suppose you must feel considerably bored by this kind of thing," I + said, endeavouring to draw him out. + </p> + <p> + "Why, I do," replied he, "and I do not. The girl is very pretty. The place + is dull in the morning; and altogether it helps to fill up time." + </p> + <p> + "Well," said I, "you are always fortunate, Curzon. You have ever your + share of what floating luck the world affords." + </p> + <p> + "It is not exactly all luck, my dear friend; for, as I shall explain to + you—" + </p> + <p> + "Not now," replied I, "for I have not yet breakfasted." So saying I turned + into the coffee-room, leaving the worthy adjutant to revel in his fancied + conquest, and pity such unfortunates as myself. + </p> + <p> + After an early dinner at the club-house, I hastened down to the theatre, + where numerous preparations for the night were going forward. The + green-room was devoted to the office of a supper-room, to which the + audience had been invited. The dressing-rooms were many of them filled + with the viands destined for the entertainment. Where, among the wooden + fowls and "impracticable" flagons, were to be seen very imposing pasties + and flasks of champaigne, littered together in most admirable disorder. + The confusion naturally incidental to all private theatricals, was + ten-fold increased by the circumstances of our projected supper. Cooks and + scene-shifters, fiddlers and waiters, were most inextricably mingled; and + as in all similar cases, the least important functionaries took the + greatest airs upon them, and appropriated without hesitation whatever came + to their hands—thus the cook would not have scrupled to light a fire + with the violoncello of the orchestra; and I actually caught one of the + "gens de cuisine" making a "soufflet" in a brass helmet I had once worn + when astonishing the world as Coriolanus. + </p> + <p> + Six o'clock struck. In another short hour and we begin, thought I, with a + sinking heart, as I looked upon the littered stage crowded with hosts of + fellows that had nothing to do there. Figaro himself never wished for + ubiquity more than I did, as I hastened from place to place, entreating, + cursing, begging, scolding, execrating, and imploring by turns. To mend + the matter, the devils in the orchestra had begun to tune their + instruments, and I had to bawl like a boatswain of a man-of-war, to be + heard by the person beside me. + </p> + <p> + As seven o'clock struck, I peeped through the small aperture in the + curtain, and saw, to my satisfaction, mingled, I confess, with fear, that + the house was nearly filled—the lower tier of boxes entirely so. + There were a great many ladies handsomely dressed, chatting gaily with + their chaperons, and I recognised some of my acquaintances on every side; + in fact, there was scarcely a family of rank in the county that had not at + least some member of it present. As the orchestra struck up the overture + to Don Giovanni, I retired from my place to inspect the arrangements + behind. + </p> + <p> + Before the performance of the "Family Party," we were to have a little + one-act piece called "a day in Madrid," written by myself—the + principal characters being expressly composed for "Miss Ersler and Mr. + Lorrequer." + </p> + <p> + The story of this trifle, it is not necessary to allude to; indeed, if it + were, I should scarcely have patience to do so, so connected is my + recollection of it with the distressing incident which followed. + </p> + <p> + In the first scene of the piece, the curtain rising displays la belle + Fanny sitting at her embroidery in the midst of a beautiful garden, + surrounded with statues, fountains, At the back is seen a pavillion in the + ancient Moorish style of architecture, over which hang the branches of + some large and shady trees—she comes forward, expressing her + impatience at the delay of her lover, whose absence she tortures herself + to account for by a hundred different suppositions, and after a very + sufficient expose of her feelings, and some little explanatory details of + her private history, conveying a very clear intimation of her own + amiability, and her guardian's cruelty, she proceeds, after the fashion of + other young ladies similarly situated, to give utterance to her feelings + by a song; after, therefore, a suitable prelude from the orchestra, for + which, considering the impassioned state of her mind, she waits patiently, + she comes forward and begins a melody— + </p> + <p> + "Oh why is he far from the heart that adores him?" + </p> + <p> + in which, for two verses, she proceeds with sundry sol feggio's, to + account for the circumstances, and show her disbelief of the explanation + in a very satisfactory manner,—meanwhile, for I must not expose my + reader to an anxiety on my account, similar to what the dear Fanny here + laboured under, I was making the necessary preparations for flying to her + presence, and clasping her to my heart—that is to say, I had already + gummed on a pair of mustachios, had corked and arched a ferocious pair of + eyebrows, which, with my rouged cheeks, gave me a look half Whiskerando, + half Grimaldi; these operations were performed, from the stress of + circumstances, sufficiently near the object of my affections, to afford me + the pleasing satisfaction of hearing from her own sweet lips, her + solicitude about me—in a word, all the dressing-rooms but two were + filled with hampers of provisions, glass, china, and crockery, and from + absolute necessity, I had no other spot where I could attire myself + unseen, except in the identical pavillion already alluded to—here, + however, I was quite secure, and had abundant time also, for I was not to + appear till scene the second, when I was to come forward in full Spanish + costume, "every inch a Hidalgo." Meantime, Fanny had been singing— + </p> + <p> + "Oh why is he far," + </p> + <p> + At the conclusion of the last verse, just as she repeats the words "why, + why, why," in a very distracted and melting cadence, a voice behind + startles her—she turns and beholds her guardian—so at least + run the course of events in the real drama—that it should follow + thus now however, "Dus aliter visum"—for just as she came to the + very moving apostrophe alluded to, and called out, "why comes he not?"—a + gruff voice from behind answered in a strong Cork brogue—"ah! would + ye have him come in a state of nature?" at the instant a loud whistle rang + through the house, and the pavillion scene slowly drew up, discovering me, + Harry Lorrequer, seated on a small stool before a cracked looking-glass, + my only habiliments, as I am an honest man, being a pair of long white + silk stockings, and a very richly embroidered shirt with point lace + collar. The shouts of laughter are yet in my ears, the loud roar of + inextinguishable mirth, which after the first brief pause of astonishment + gave way, shook the entire building—my recollection may well have + been confused at such a moment of unutterable shame and misery; yet, I + clearly remember seeing Fanny, the sweet Fanny herself, fall into an + arm-chair nearly suffocated with convulsions of laughter. I cannot go on; + what I did I know not. I suppose my exit was additionally ludicrous, for a + new eclat de rire followed me out. I rushed out of the theatre, and + wrapping only my cloak round me, ran without stopping to the barracks. But + I must cease; these are woes too sacred for even confessions like mine, so + let me close the curtain of my room and my chapter together, and say, + adieu for a season. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch16b" id="ch16b"></a>CHAPTER XVIb. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h4> + [Note: There are two Chapter XVIs. In the table of contents, + </h4> + <h4> + this one has an asterisk but no explanation.] + </h4> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + THE WAGER. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + It might have been about six weeks after the events detailed in my last + chapter had occurred, that Curzon broke suddenly into my room one morning + before I had risen, and throwing a precautionary glance around, as if to + assure himself that we were alone, seized my hand with a most unusual + earnestness, and, steadfastly looking at me, said— + </p> + <p> + "Harry Lorrequer, will you stand by me?" + </p> + <p> + So sudden and unexpected was his appearance at the moment, that I really + felt but half awake, and kept puzzling myself for an explanation of the + scene, rather than thinking of a reply to his question; perceiving which, + and auguring but badly from my silence, he continued— + </p> + <p> + "Am I then, really deceived in what I believed to be an old and tried + friend?" + </p> + <p> + "Why, what the devil's the matter?" I cried out. "If you are in a scrape, + why of course you know I'm your man; but, still, it's only fair to let one + know something of the matter in the meanwhile." + </p> + <p> + "In a scrape!" said he, with a long-drawn sigh, intended to beat the whole + Minerva press in its romantic cadence. + </p> + <p> + "Well, but get on a bit," said I, rather impatiently; "who is the fellow + you've got the row with? Not one of ours, I trust?" + </p> + <p> + "Ah, my dear Hal," said he, in the same melting tone as before—"How + your imagination does run upon rows, and broils, and duelling rencontres," + (he, the speaker, be it known to the reader, was the fire-eater of the + regiment,) "as if life had nothing better to offer than the excitement of + a challenge, or the mock heroism of a meeting." + </p> + <p> + As he made a dead pause here, after which he showed no disposition to + continue, I merely added— + </p> + <p> + "Well, at this rate of proceeding we shall get at the matter in hand, on + our way out to Corfu, for I hear we are the next regiment for the + Mediterranean." + </p> + <p> + The observation seemed to have some effect in rousing him from his + lethargy, and he added— + </p> + <p> + "If you only knew the nature of the attachment, and how completely all my + future hopes are concerned upon the issue—" + </p> + <p> + "Ho!" said I, "so it's a money affair, is it? and is it old Watson has + issued the writ? I'll bet a hundred." + </p> + <p> + "Well, upon my soul, Lorrequer," said he, jumping from his chair, and + speaking with more energy than he had before evinced, "you are, without + exception, the most worldly-minded, cold-blooded fellow I ever met. What + have I said that could have led you to suppose I had either a duel or a + law-suit upon my hands this morning? Learn, once and for all, man, that I + am in love—desperately and over head and ears in love." + </p> + <p> + "Et puis," said I coolly. + </p> + <p> + "And intend to marry immediately." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, very well," said I; "the fighting and debt will come later, that's + all. But to return—now for the lady." + </p> + <p> + "Come, you must make a guess." + </p> + <p> + "Why, then, I really must confess my utter inability; for your attentions + have been so generally and impartially distributed since our arrival here, + that it may be any fair one, from your venerable partner at whist last + evening, to Mrs. Henderson, the pastry-cook inclusive, for whose macaroni + and cherry-brandy your feelings have been as warm as they are constant." + </p> + <p> + "Come, no more quizzing, Hal. You surely must have remarked that lovely + girl I waltzed with at Power's ball on Tuesday last." + </p> + <p> + "Lovely girl! Why, in all seriousness, you don't mean the small woman with + the tow wig?" + </p> + <p> + "No, I do not mean any such thing—but a beautiful creature, with the + brightest locks in Christendom—the very light-brown waving ringlets, + Dominicheno loved to paint, and a foot—did you see her foot?" + </p> + <p> + "No; that was rather difficult, for she kept continually bobbing up and + down, like a boy's cork-float in a fish-pond." + </p> + <p> + "Stop there. I shall not permit this any longer—I came not here to + listen to—" + </p> + <p> + "But, Curzon, my boy, you're not angry?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, sir, I am angry." + </p> + <p> + "Why, surely, you have not been serious all this time?" + </p> + <p> + "And why not, pray?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh! I don't exactly know—that is, faith I scarcely thought you were + in earnest, for if I did, of course I should honestly have confessed to + you that the lady in question struck me as one of the handsomest persons I + ever met." + </p> + <p> + "You think so really, Hal?" + </p> + <p> + "Certainly I do, and the opinion is not mine alone; she is, in fact + universally admired." + </p> + <p> + "Come, Harry, excuse my bad temper. I ought to have known you better—give + me your hand, old boy, and wish me joy, for with you aiding and abetting + she is mine to-morrow morning." + </p> + <p> + I wrung his hand heartily—congratulating myself, meanwhile, how + happily I had got out of my scrape; as I now, for the first time, + perceived that Curzon was bona fide in earnest. + </p> + <p> + "So, you will stand by me, Hal," said he. + </p> + <p> + "Of course. Only show me how, and I'm perfectly at your service. Any thing + from riding postillion on the leaders to officiating as brides-maid, and I + am your man. And if you are in want of such a functionary, I shall stand + in 'loco parentis' to the lady, and give her away with as much 'onction' + and tenderness as tho' I had as many marriageable daughters as king Priam + himself. It is with me in marriage as in duelling—I'll be any thing + rather than a principal; and I have long since disapproved of either + method as a means of 'obtaining satisfaction.'" + </p> + <p> + "Ah, Harry, I shall not be discouraged by your sneers. You've been rather + unlucky, I'm aware; but now to return: Your office, on this occasion, is + an exceedingly simple one, and yet that which I could only confide to one + as much my friend as yourself. You must carry my dearest Louisa off." + </p> + <p> + "Carry her off! Where?—when?—how?" + </p> + <p> + "All that I have already arranged, as you shall hear." + </p> + <p> + "Yes. But first of all please to explain why, if going to run away with + the lady, you don't accompany her yourself." + </p> + <p> + "Ah! I knew you would say that, I could have laid a wager you'd ask that + question, for it is just that very explanation will show all the native + delicacy and feminine propriety of my darling Loo; and first, I must tell + you, that old Sir Alfred Jonson, her father, has some confounded prejudice + against the army, and never would consent to her marriage with a red-coat—so + that, his consent being out of the question, our only resource is an + elopement. Louisa consents to this, but only upon one condition—and + this she insists upon so firmly—I had almost said obstinately—that, + notwithstanding all my arguments and representations, and even entreaties + against it, she remains inflexible; so that I have at length yielded, and + she is to have her own way." + </p> + <p> + "Well, and what is the condition she lays such stress upon?" + </p> + <p> + "Simply this—that we are never to travel a mile together until I + obtain my right to do so, by making her my wife. She has got some trumpery + notions in her head that any slight transgression over the bounds of + delicacy made by women before marriage is ever after remembered by the + husband to their disadvantage, and she is, therefore, resolved not to + sacrifice her principle even at such a crisis as the present." + </p> + <p> + "All very proper, I have no doubt; but still, pray explain what I confess + appears somewhat strange to me at present. How does so very + delicately-minded a person reconcile herself to travelling with a perfect + stranger under such circumstances?" + </p> + <p> + "That I can explain perfectly to you. You must know that when my darling + Loo consented to take this step, which I induced her to do with the + greatest difficulty, she made the proviso I have just mentioned; I at once + showed her that I had no maiden aunt or married sister to confide her to + at such a moment, and what was to be done? She immediately replied, 'Have + you no elderly brother officer, whose years and discretion will put the + transaction in such a light as to silence the slanderous tongues of the + world, for with such a man I am quite ready and willing to trust myself.' + You see I was hard pushed there. What could I do?—whom could I + select? Old Hayes, the paymaster, is always tipsy; Jones is five-and-forty—but + egad! I'm not so sure I'd have found my betrothed at the end of the stage. + You were my only hope; I knew I could rely upon you. You would carry on + the whole affair with tact and discretion; and as to age, your stage + experience would enable you, with a little assistance from costume, to + pass muster; besides that, I have always represented you as the very + Methuselah of the corps; and in the grey dawn of an autumnal morning—with + maiden bashfulness assisting—the scrutiny is not likely to be a + close one. So, now, your consent is alone wanting to complete the + arrangements which, before this time to-morrow, shall have made me the + happiest of mortals." + </p> + <p> + Having expressed, in fitting terms, my full sense of obligation for the + delicate flattery with which he pictured me as "Old Lorrequer" to the + Lady, I begged a more detailed account of his plan, which I shall shorten + for my reader's sake, by the following brief expose. + </p> + <p> + A post-chaise and four was to be in waiting at five o'clock in the morning + to convey me to Sir Alfred Jonson's residence, about twelve miles distant. + There I was to be met by a lady at the gate-lodge, who was subsequently to + accompany me to a small village on the Nore, where an old college friend + of Curzon's happened to reside, as parson, and by whom the treaty was to + be concluded. + </p> + <p> + This was all simple and clear enough—the only condition necessary to + insure success being punctuality, particularly on the lady's part. As to + mine I readily promised my best aid and warmest efforts in my friend's + behalf. + </p> + <p> + "There is only one thing more," said Curzon. "Louisa's younger brother is + a devilish hot-headed, wild sort of a fellow; and it would be as well, + just for precaution sake, to have your pistols along with you, if, by any + chance, he should make out what was going forward—not but that you + know if any thing serious was to take place, I should be the person to + take all that upon my hands." + </p> + <p> + "Oh! of course—I understand," said I. Meanwhile I could not help + running over in my mind the pleasant possibilities such an adventure + presented, heartily wishing that Curzon had been content to marry by bans + or any other of the legitimate modes in use, without risking his friend's + bones. The other pros and cons of the matter, with full and accurate + directions as to the road to be taken on obtaining possession of the lady, + being all arranged, we parted, I to settle my costume and appearance for + my first performance in an old man's part, and Curzon to obtain a short + leave for a few days from the commanding officer of the regiment. + </p> + <p> + When we again met, which was at the mess-table, it was not without + evidence on either side of that peculiar consciousness which persons feel + who have, or think they have, some secret in common, which the world wots + not of. Curzon's unusually quick and excited manner would at once have + struck any close observer as indicating the eve of some important step, no + less than continual allusions to whatever was going on, by sly and + equivocal jokes and ambiguous jests. Happily, however, on the present + occasion, the party were otherwise occupied than watching him—being + most profoundly and learnedly engaged in discussing medicine and matters + medical with all the acute and accurate knowledge which characterises such + discussions among the non-medical public. + </p> + <p> + The present conversation originated from some mention our senior surgeon + Fitzgerald had just made of a consultation which he was invited to attend + on the next morning, at the distance of twenty miles, and which + necessitated him to start at a most uncomfortably early hour. While he + continued to deplore the hard fate of such men as himself, so eagerly + sought after by the world, that their own hours were eternally broken in + upon by external claims, the juniors were not sparing of their mirth on + the occasion, at the expense of the worthy doctor, who, in plain truth, + had never been disturbed by a request like the present within any one's + memory. Some asserted that the whole thing was a puff, got up by Fitz. + himself, who was only going to have a day's partridge-shooting; others + hinting that it was a blind to escape the vigilance of Mrs. Fitzgerald—a + well-known virago in the regiment—while Fitz. enjoyed himself; and a + third party, pretending to sympathise with the doctor, suggested that a + hundred pounds would be the least he could possibly be offered for such + services as his on so grave an occasion. + </p> + <p> + "No, no, only fifty," said Fitz. gravely. + </p> + <p> + "Fifty! Why, you tremendous old humbug, you don't mean to say you'll make + fifty pounds before we are out of our beds in the morning?" cried one. + </p> + <p> + "I'll take your bet on it," said the doctor, who had, in this instance, + reason to suppose his fee would be a large one. + </p> + <p> + During this discussion, the claret had been pushed round rather freely; + and fully bent, as I was, upon the adventure before me, I had taken my + share of it as a preparation. I thought of the amazing prize I was about + to be instrumental in securing for my friend—for the lady had really + thirty thousand pounds—and I could not conceal my triumph at such a + prospect of success in comparison with the meaner object of ambition. They + all seemed to envy poor Fitzgerald. I struggled with my secret for some + time—but my pride and the claret together got the better of me, and + I called out, "Fifty pounds on it, then, that before ten to-morrow + morning, I'll make a better hit of it than you—and the mess shall + decide between us afterwards as to the winner." + </p> + <p> + "And if you will," said I, seeing some reluctance on Fitz.'s part to take + the wager, and getting emboldened in consequence, "let the judgment be + pronounced over a couple of dozen of champaigne, paid by the loser." + </p> + <p> + This was a coup d'etat on my part, for I knew at once there were so many + parties to benefit by the bet, terminate which way it might, there could + be no possibility of evading it. My ruse succeeded, and poor Fitzgerald, + fairly badgered into a wager, the terms of which he could not in the least + comprehend, was obliged to sign the conditions inserted in the adjutant's + note-book—his greatest hope in so doing being in the quantity of + wine he had seen me drink during the evening. As for myself, the bet was + no sooner made than I began to think upon the very little chance I had of + winning it; for even supposing my success perfect in the department + allotted to me, it might with great reason be doubted what peculiar + benefit I myself derived as a counterbalance to the fee of the doctor. For + this, my only trust lay in the justice of a decision which I conjectured + would lean more towards the goodness of a practical joke than the equity + of the transaction. The party at mess soon after separated, and I wished + my friend good night for the last time before meeting him as a + bride-groom. + </p> + <p> + I arranged every thing in order for my start. My pistol-case I placed + conspicuously before me, to avoid being forgotten in the haste of + departure; and, having ordered my servant to sit up all night in the + guard-room until he heard the carriage at the barrack-gate, threw myself + on my bed, but not to sleep. The adventure I was about to engage in + suggested to my mind a thousand associations, into which many of the + scenes I have already narrated entered. I thought how frequently I had + myself been on the verge of that state which Curzon was about to try, and + how it always happened that when nearest to success, failure had + intervened. From my very school-boy days my love adventures had the same + unfortunate abruptness in their issue; and there seemed to be something + very like a fatality in the invariable unsuccess of my efforts at + marriage. I feared, too, that my friend Curzon had placed himself in very + unfortunate hands—if augury were to be relied upon. Something will + surely happen, thought I, from my confounded ill luck, and all will be + blown up. Wearied at last with thinking I fell into a sound sleep for + about three-quarters of an hour, at the end of which I was awoke by my + servant informing me that a chaise and four were drawn up at the end of + the barrack lane. + </p> + <p> + "Why, surely, they are too early, Stubber? It's only four o'clock." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, sir; but they say that the road for eight miles is very bad, and + they must go it almost at a walk." + </p> + <p> + That is certainly pleasant, thought I, but I'm in for it now, so can't + help it. + </p> + <p> + In a few minutes I was up and dressed, and so perfectly transformed by the + addition of a brown scratch-wig and large green spectacles, and a + deep-flapped waistcoat, that my servant, on re-entering my room, could not + recognise me. I followed him now across the barrack-yard, as, with my + pistol-case under one arm and a lantern in his hand, he proceeded to the + barrack-gate. + </p> + <p> + As I passed beneath the adjutant's window, I saw a light—the sash + was quickly thrown open, and Curzon appeared. + </p> + <p> + "Is that you, Harry?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes—when do you start?" + </p> + <p> + "In about two hours. I've only eight miles to go—you have upwards of + twelve, and no time to lose. God bless you, my boy—we'll meet soon." + </p> + <p> + "Here's the carriage, sir; this way." + </p> + <p> + "Well, my lads, you know the road I suppose?" + </p> + <p> + "Every inch of it, your honour's glory; we're always coming it for doctors + and 'pothecaries; they're never a week without them." + </p> + <p> + I was soon seated, the door clapped to, and the words "all right" given, + and away we went. + </p> + <p> + Little as I had slept during the night, my mind was too much occupied with + the adventure I was engaged in, to permit any thoughts of sleep now, so + that I had abundant opportunity afforded me of pondering over all the + bearings of the case, with much more of deliberation and caution than I + had yet bestowed upon it. One thing was certain, whether success did or + did not attend our undertaking, the risk was mine and mine only; and if by + any accident the affair should be already known to the family, I stood a + very fair chance of being shot by one of the sons, or stoned to death by + the tenantry; while my excellent friend Curzon should be eating his + breakfast with his reverend friend, and only interrupting himself in his + fourth muffin, to wonder "what could keep them;" and besides for minor + miseries will, like the little devils in Don Giovanni, thrust up their + heads among their better-grown brethren, my fifty-pound bet looked rather + blue; for even under the most favourable light considered, however Curzon + might be esteemed a gainer, it might be well doubted how far I had + succeeded better than the doctor, when producing his fee in evidence. + Well, well, I'm in for it now; but it certainly is strange, all these very + awkward circumstances never struck me so forcibly before; and after all, + it was not quite fair of Curzon to put any man forward in such a + transaction; the more so, as such a representation might be made of it at + the Horse-Guards as to stop a man's promotion, or seriously affect his + prospects for life, and I at last began to convince myself that many a man + so placed, would carry the lady off himself, and leave the adjutant to + settle the affair with the family. For two mortal hours did I conjure up + every possible disagreeable contingency that might arise. My being mulcted + of my fifty and laughed at by the mess seemed inevitable, even were I + fortunate enough to escape a duel with the fire-eating brother. Meanwhile + a thick misty rain continued to fall, adding so much to the darkness of + the early hour, that I could see nothing of the country about me, and knew + nothing of where I was. + </p> + <p> + Troubles are like laudanum, a small dose only excites, a strong one sets + you to sleep—not a very comfortable sleep mayhap—but still it + is sleep, and often very sound sleep; so it now happened with me. I had + pondered over, weighed, and considered all the pros, cons, turnings, and + windings of this awkward predicament, till I had fairly convinced myself + that I was on the high road to a confounded scrape; and then, having + established that fact to my entire satisfaction, I fell comfortably back + in the chaise, and sunk into a most profound slumber. + </p> + <p> + If to any of my readers I may appear here to have taken a very despondent + view of this whole affair, let him only call to mind my invariable ill + luck in such matters, and how always it had been my lot to see myself on + the fair road to success, only up to that point at which it is certain, + besides—but why explain? These are my confessions. I may not alter + what are matters of fact, and my reader must only take me with all the + imperfections of wrong motives and headlong impulses upon my head, or + abandon me at once. + </p> + <p> + Meanwhile the chaise rolled along, and the road being better and the pace + faster, my sleep became more easy; thus, about an hour and a half after I + had fallen asleep, passed rapidly over, when the sharp turning of an angle + distended me from my leaning position, and I awoke. I started up and + rubbed my eyes; several seconds elapsed before I could think where I was + or whither going. Consciousness at last came, and I perceived that we were + driving up a thickly planted avenue. Why, confound it, they can't have + mistaken it, thought I, or are we really going up to the house, instead of + waiting at the lodge? I at once lowered the sash, and stretching out my + head, cried out, "Do you know what ye are about, lads; is this all right?" + but unfortunately, amid the rattling of the gravel and the clatter of the + horses, my words were unheard; and thinking I was addressing a request to + go faster, the villains cracked their whips, and breaking into a full + gallop, before five minutes flew over, they drew up with a jerk at the + foot of a long portico to a large and spacious cut-stone mansion. When I + rallied from the sudden check, which had nearly thrown me through the + window, I gave myself up for lost: here I was vis a vis to the very + hall-door of the man whose daughter I was about to elope with, whether so + placed by the awkwardness and blundering of the wretches who drove me, or + delivered up by their treachery, it mattered not, my fate seemed certain; + before I had time to determine upon any line of acting in this confounded + dilemma, the door was jerked open by a servant in a sombre livery; who, + protruding his head and shoulders into the chaise, looked at me steadily + for a moment, and said, "Ah! then, doctor darlin', but ye're welcome." + With the speed with which sometimes the bar of an air long since heard, or + the passing glance of an old familiar fact can call up the memory of our + very earliest childhood, bright and vivid before us, so that one single + phrase explained the entire mystery of my present position, and I saw in + one rapid glance that I had got into the chaise intended for Dr. + Fitzgerald, and was absolutely at that moment before the hall-door of the + patient. My first impulse was an honest one, to avow the mistake and + retrace my steps, taking my chance to settle with Curzon, whose + matrimonial scheme I foresaw was doomed to the untimely fate of all those + I had ever been concerned in. My next thought, how seldom is the adage + true which says "that second thoughts are best," was upon my luckless + wager; for, even supposing that Fitzgerald should follow me in the other + chaise, yet as I had the start of him, if I could only pass muster for + half an hour, I might secure the fee, and evacuate the territory; besides + that there was a great chance of Fitz's having gone on my errand, while I + was journeying on his, in which case I should be safe from interruption. + Meanwhile, heaven only could tell, what his interference in poor Curzon's + business might not involve. These serious reflections took about ten + seconds to pass through my mind, as the grave-looking old servant + proceeded to encumber himself with my cloak and my pistol-case, remarking + as he lifted the latter, "And may the Lord grant ye won't want the + instruments this time, doctor, for they say he is better this morning;" + heartily wishing amen to the benevolent prayer of the honest domestic, for + more reasons than one, I descended leisurely, as I conjectured a doctor + ought to do, from the chaise, and with a solemn pace and grave demeanour + followed him into the house. + </p> + <p> + In the small parlour to which I was ushered, sat two gentlemen somewhat + advanced in years, who I rightly supposed were my medical confreres. One + of these was a tall, pale, ascetic-looking man, with grey hairs, and + retreating forehead, slow in speech, and lugubrious in demeanour. The + other, his antithesis, was a short, rosy-cheeked, apoplectic-looking + subject, with a laugh like a suffocating wheeze, and a paunch like an + alderman; his quick, restless eye, and full nether lip denoting more of + the bon vivant than the abstemious disciple of Aesculapius. A moment's + glance satisfied me, that if I had only these to deal with, I was safe, + for I saw that they were of that stamp of country practitioner, + half-physician, half-apothecary, who rarely come in contact with the + higher orders of their art, and then only to be dictated to, obey, and + grumble. + </p> + <p> + "Doctor, may I beg to intrude myself, Mr. Phipps, on your notice? Dr. + Phipps or Mr. It's all one; but I have only a license in pharmacy, though + they call me doctor." + </p> + <p> + "Surgeon Riley, sir; a very respectable practitioner," said he, waving his + hand towards his rubicund confrere. + </p> + <p> + I at once expressed the great happiness it afforded me to meet such highly + informed and justly celebrated gentlemen; and fearing every moment the + arrival of the real Simon Pure should cover me with shame and disgrace, + begged they would afford me as soon as possible, some history of the case + we were concerned for. They accordingly proceeded to expound in a species + of duet, some curious particulars of an old gentleman who had the evil + fortune to have them for his doctors, and who laboured under some swelling + of the neck, which they differed as to the treatment of, and in + consequence of which, the aid of a third party (myself, God bless the + mark!) was requested. + </p> + <p> + As I could by no means divest myself of the fear of Fitz.'s arrival, I + pleaded the multiplicity of my professional engagements as a reason for at + once seeing the patient; upon which I was conducted up stairs by my two + brethren, and introduced to a half-lighted chamber. In a large easy chair + sat a florid-looking old man, with a face in which pain and habitual + ill-temper had combined to absorb every expression. + </p> + <p> + "This is the doctor of the regiment, sir, that you desired to see," said + my tall coadjutor. + </p> + <p> + "Oh! then very well; good morning, sir. I suppose you will find out + something new the matter, for them two there have been doing so every day + this two months." + </p> + <p> + "I trust, sir," I replied stiffly, "that with the assistance of my learned + friends, much may be done for you. Ha! hem! So this is the malady. Turn + your head a little to that side;" here an awful groan escaped the sick + man, for I, it appears, had made considerable impression upon rather a + delicate part, not unintentionally I must confess; for as I remembered + Hoyle's maxim at whist, "when in doubt play a trump," so I thought it + might be true in physic, when posed by a difficulty to do a bold thing + also. "Does that hurt you, sir?" said I in a soothing and affectionate + tone of voice. "Like the devil," growled the patient. "And here?" said I. + "Oh! oh! I can't bear it any longer." "Oh! I perceive," said I, "the thing + is just as I expected." Here I raised my eyebrows, and looked + indescribably wise at my confreres. + </p> + <p> + "No aneurism, doctor," said the tall one. + </p> + <p> + "Certainly not." + </p> + <p> + "Maybe," said the short man, "maybe it's a stay-at-home-with-us tumour + after all;" so at least he appeared to pronounce a confounded technical, + which I afterwards learned was "steatomatous;" conceiving that my rosy + friend was disposed to jeer at me, I gave him a terrific frown, and + resumed, "this must not be touched." + </p> + <p> + "So you won't operate upon it," said the patient. + </p> + <p> + "I would not take a thousand pounds and do so," I replied. "Now if you + please gentlemen," said I, making a step towards the door, as if to + withdraw for consultation; upon which they accompanied me down stairs to + the breakfast-room. As it was the only time in my life I had performed in + this character, I had some doubts as to the propriety of indulging a very + hearty breakfast appetite, not knowing if it were unprofessional to eat; + but from this doubt my learned friends speedily relieved me, by the entire + devotion which they bestowed for about twenty minutes upon ham, rolls, + eggs, and cutlets, barely interrupting these important occupations by sly + allusions to the old gentleman's malady, and his chance of recovery. + </p> + <p> + "Well, doctor," said the pale one, as at length he rested from his + labours, "what are we to do?" + </p> + <p> + "Ay," said the other," there's the question." + </p> + <p> + "Go on," said I, "go on as before; I can't advise you better." Now, this + was a deep stroke of mine; for up to the present moment I do not know what + treatment they were practising; but it looked a shrewd thing to guess it, + and it certainly was civil to approve of it. + </p> + <p> + "So you think that will be best." + </p> + <p> + "I am certain—I know nothing better," I answered. + </p> + <p> + "Well, I'm sure, sir, we have every reason to be gratified for the very + candid manner you have treated us. Sir, I'm your most obedient servant," + said the fat one. + </p> + <p> + "Gentlemen, both your good healths and professional success also:" here I + swallowed a petit verre of brandy; thinking all the while there were worse + things than the practice of physic. + </p> + <p> + "I hope you are not going," said one, as my chaise drew up at the door. + </p> + <p> + "Business calls me," said I, "and I can't help it." + </p> + <p> + "Could not you manage to see our friend here again, in a day or two?" said + the rosy one. + </p> + <p> + "I fear it will be impossible," replied I; "besides I have a notion he may + not desire it." + </p> + <p> + "I have been commissioned to hand you this," said the tall doctor, with a + half sigh, as he put a check into my hand. + </p> + <p> + I bowed slightly, and stuffed the crumpled paper with a half careless air + into my waistcoat pocket, and wishing them both every species of happiness + and success, shook hands four times with each, and drove off; never + believing myself safe 'till I saw the gate-lodge behind me, and felt + myself flying on the road to Kilkenny at about twelve miles Irish an hour. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch17" id="ch17"></a>CHAPTER XVII. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + THE ELOPEMENT. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + It was past two o'clock when I reached the town. On entering the + barrack-yard, I perceived a large group of officers chatting together, and + every moment breaking into immoderate fits of laughter. I went over, and + immediately learned the source of their mirth, which was this: No sooner + had it been known that Fitzgerald was about to go to a distance, on a + professional call, than a couple of young officers laid their heads + together, and wrote an anonymous note to Mrs. Fitz. who was the very + dragon of jealousy, informing her, that her husband had feigned the whole + history of the patient and consultation as an excuse for absenting himself + on an excursion of gallantry; and that if she wished to satisfy herself of + the truth of the statement, she had only to follow him in the morning, and + detect his entire scheme; the object of these amiable friends being to + give poor Mrs. Fitz. a twenty miles' jaunt, and confront her with her + injured husband at the end of it. + </p> + <p> + Having a mind actively alive to suspicions of this nature, the worthy + woman made all her arrangements for a start, and scarcely was the chaise + and four, with her husband, out of the town, than was she on the track of + it, with a heart bursting with jealousy, and vowing vengeance to the + knife, against all concerned in this scheme to wrong her. + </p> + <p> + So far the plan of her persecutors had perfectly succeeded; they saw her + depart, on a trip of, as they supposed, twenty miles, and their whole + notions of the practical joke were limited to the eclaircissement that + must ensue at the end. Little, however, were they aware how much more + nearly the suspected crime, was the position of the poor doctor to turn + out; for, as by one blunder I had taken his chaise, so he, without any + inquiry whatever, had got into the one intended for me; and never awoke + from a most refreshing slumber, till shaken by the shoulder by the + postillion, who whispered in his ear—"here we are sir; this is the + gate." + </p> + <p> + "But why stop at the gate? Drive up the avenue, my boy." + </p> + <p> + "His honor told me, sir, not for the world to go farther than the lodge; + nor to make as much noise as a mouse." + </p> + <p> + "Ah! very true. He may be very irritable, poor man! Well stop here, and + I'll get out." + </p> + <p> + Just as the doctor had reached the ground, a very smart-looking soubrette + tripped up, and said to him— + </p> + <p> + "Beg pardon, sir; but you are the gentleman from the barrack, sir?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, my dear," said Fitz., with a knowing look at the pretty face of the + damsel, "what can I do for you?" + </p> + <p> + "Why sir, my mistress is here in the shrubbery; but she is so nervous, and + so frightened, I don't know how she'll go through it." + </p> + <p> + "Ah! she's frightened, poor thing; is she? Oh! she must keep up her + spirits, while there's life there's hope." + </p> + <p> + "Sir." + </p> + <p> + "I say, my darling, she must not give way. I'll speak to her a little. Is + not he rather advanced in life?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, Lord! no sir. Only two-and-thirty, my mistress tells me?" + </p> + <p> + "Two-and-thirty! Why I thought he was above sixty." + </p> + <p> + "Above sixty! Law! sir. You have a bright fancy. This is the gentleman, + ma'am. Now sir, I'll just slip aside for a moment, and let you talk to + her." + </p> + <p> + "I am grieved, ma'am, that I have not the happiness to make your + acquaintance under happier circumstances." + </p> + <p> + "I must confess, sir—though I am ashamed"— + </p> + <p> + "Never be ashamed, ma'am. Your grief, although, I trust causeless, does + you infinite honor." + </p> + <p> + "Upon my soul she is rather pretty," said the doctor to himself here. + </p> + <p> + "Well, sir! as I have the most perfect confidence in you, from all I have + heard of you, I trust you will not think me abrupt in saying that any + longer delay here is dangerous." + </p> + <p> + "Dangerous! Is he in so critical a state as that then?" + </p> + <p> + "Critical a state, sir! Why what do you mean?" + </p> + <p> + "I mean, ma'am, do you think, then, it must be done to-day?" + </p> + <p> + "Of course I do, sir, and I shall never leave the spot without your + assuring me of it." + </p> + <p> + "Oh! in that case make your mind easy. I have the instruments in the + chaise." + </p> + <p> + "The instruments in the chaise! Really, sir, if you are not jesting—I + trust you don't think this is a fitting time for such—I entreat of + you to speak more plainly and intelligibly." + </p> + <p> + "Jesting, ma'am! I'm incapable of jesting at such a moment." + </p> + <p> + "Ma'am! ma'am! I see one of the rangers, ma'am, at a distance; so don't + lose a moment, but get into the chaise at once." + </p> + <p> + "Well, sir, let us away; for I have now gone too far to retract." + </p> + <p> + "Help my mistress into the chaise, sir. Lord! what a man it is." + </p> + <p> + A moment more saw the poor doctor seated beside the young lady, while the + postillions plied whip and spur with their best energy; and the road flew + beneath them. Meanwhile the delay caused by this short dialogue, enabled + Mrs. Fitz.'s slower conveyance to come up with the pursuit, and her chaise + had just turned the angle of the road as she caught a glimpse of a muslin + dress stepping into the carriage with her husband. + </p> + <p> + There are no words capable of conveying the faintest idea of the feelings + that agitated Mrs. Fitz. at this moment. The fullest confirmation to her + worst fears was before her eyes—just at the very instant when a + doubt was beginning to cross over her mind that it might have been merely + a hoax that was practised on her, and that the worthy Doctor was innocent + and blameless. As for the poor Doctor himself, there seemed little chance + of his being enlightened as to the real state of matters; for from the + moment the young lady had taken her place in the chaise, she had buried + her face in her hands, and sobbed continually. Meanwhile he concluded that + they were approaching the house by some back entrance, to avoid noise and + confusion, and waited, with due patience, for the journey's end. + </p> + <p> + As, however, her grief continued unabated, Fitz. at length began to think + of the many little consolatory acts he had successfully practised in his + professional career, and was just insinuating some very tender speech on + the score of resignation, with his head inclined towards the weeping lady + beside him, when the chaise of Mrs. Fitz. came up along-side, and the + postillions having yielded to the call to halt, drew suddenly up, + displaying to the enraged wife the tableau we have mentioned. + </p> + <p> + "So, wretch," she screamed rather than spoke, "I have detected you at + last." + </p> + <p> + "Lord bless me! Why it is my wife." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, villain! your injured, much-wronged wife! And you, madam, may I ask + what you have to say for thus eloping with a married man?" + </p> + <p> + "Shame! My dear Jemima," said Fitz. "how can you possibly permit your + foolish jealousy so far to blind your reason. Don't you see I am going + upon a professional call?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh! you are. Are you? Quite professional, I'll be bound." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, sir! Oh, madam! I beseech you, save me from the anger of my + relatives, and the disgrace of exposure. Pray bring me back at once." + </p> + <p> + "Why, my God! ma'am, what do you mean? You are not gone mad, as well as my + wife." + </p> + <p> + "Really, Mr. Fitz." said Mrs. F. "this is carrying the joke too far. Take + your unfortunate victim—as I suppose she is such—home to her + parents, and prepare to accompany me to the barrack; and if there be law + and justice in—" + </p> + <p> + "Well! may the Lord in his mercy preserve my senses, or you will both + drive me clean mad." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, dear! oh, dear!" sobbed the young lady, while Mrs. Fitzgerald + continued to upbraid at the top of her voice, heedless of the disclaimers + and protestations of innocence poured out with the eloquence of despair, + by the poor doctor. Matters were in this state, when a man dressed in a + fustian jacket, like a groom, drove up to the side of the road, in a + tax-cart; he immediately got down, and tearing open the door of the + doctor's chaise, lifted out the young lady, and deposited her safely in + his own conveyance, merely adding— + </p> + <p> + "I say, master, you're in luck this morning, that Mr. William took the + lower road; for if he had come up with you instead of me, he'd blow the + roof off your scull, that's all." + </p> + <p> + While these highly satisfactory words were being addressed to poor Fitz. + Mrs. Fitzgerald had removed from her carriage to that of her husband, + perhaps preferring four horses to two; or perhaps she had still some + unexplained views of the transaction, which might as well be told on the + road homeward. + </p> + <p> + Whatever might have been the nature of Mrs. F.'s dissertation, nothing is + known. The chaise containing these turtle doves arrived late at night at + Kilkenny, and Fitz. was installed safely in his quarters before any one + knew of his having come back. The following morning he was reported ill; + and for three weeks he was but once seen, and at that time only at his + window, with a flannel night-cap on his head, looking particularly pale, + and rather dark under one eye. + </p> + <p> + As for Curzon—the last thing known of him that luckless morning, was + his hiring a post-chaise for the Royal Oak, from whence he posted to + Dublin, and hastened on to England. In a few days we learned that the + adjutant had exchanged into a regiment in Canada; and to this hour there + are not three men in the __th who know the real secret of that morning's + misadventures. <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch18" id="ch18"></a>CHAPTER XVIII. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + DETACHMENT DUTY—AN ASSIZE TOWN. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + As there appeared to be but little prospect of poor Fitzgerald ever + requiring any explanation from me as to the events of that morning, for he + feared to venture from his room, lest he might be recognised and + prosecuted for abduction, I thought it better to keep my own secret also; + and it was therefore with a feeling of any thing but regret, that I + received an order which, under other circumstances, would have rendered me + miserable—to march on detachment duty. To any one at all conversant + with the life we lead in the army, I need not say how unpleasant such a + change usually is. To surrender your capital mess, with all its + well-appointed equipments—your jovial brother officers—hourly + flirtations with the whole female population—never a deficient one + in a garrison town—not to speak of your matches at trotting, + coursing, and pigeon-shooting, and a hundred other delectable modes of + getting over the ground through life, till it please your ungrateful + country and the Horse Guards to make you a major-general—to + surrender all these, I say, for the noise, dust, and damp disagreeables of + a country inn, with bacon to eat, whiskey to drink, and the priest, or the + constabulary chief, to get drunk with—I speak of Ireland here—and + your only affair, par amours, being the occasional ogling of the + apothecary's daughter opposite, as often as she visits the shop, in the + soi disant occupation of measuring out garden seeds and senna. These are + indeed, the exchanges with a difference, for which there is no + compensation; and, for my own part, I never went upon such duty, that I + did not exclaim with the honest Irishman, when the mail went over him, + "Oh, Lord! what is this for?"—firmly believing that in the earthly + purgatory of such duties, I was reaping the heavy retribution attendant on + past offences. + </p> + <p> + Besides, from being rather a crack man in my corps, I thought it somewhat + hard that my turn for such duty should come round about twice as often as + that of my brother officers; but so it is—I never knew a fellow a + little smarter than his neighbours, that was not pounced upon by his + colonel for a victim. Now, however, I looked at these matters in a very + different light. To leave head-quarters was to escape being questioned; + while there was scarcely any post to which I could be sent, where + something strange or adventurous might not turn up, and serve me to erase + the memory of the past, and turn the attention of my companions in any + quarter rather than towards myself. + </p> + <p> + My orders on the present occasion were to march to Clonmel; from whence I + was to proceed a short distance to the house of a magistrate, upon whose + information, transmitted to the Chief Secretary, the present assistance of + a military party had been obtained; and not without every appearance of + reason. The assizes of the town were about to be held, and many capital + offences stood for trial in the calendar; and as it was strongly rumoured + that, in the event of certain convictions being obtained, a rescue would + be attempted, a general attack upon the town seemed a too natural + consequence; and if so, the house of so obnoxious a person as him I have + alluded to, would be equally certain of being assailed. Such, at least, is + too frequently the history of such scenes, beginning with no one definite + object: sometimes a slight one—more ample views and wider + conceptions of mischief follow; and what has begun in a drunken riot—a + casual rencontre—may terminate in the slaughter of a family, or the + burning of a village. The finest peasantry—God bless them—are + a vif people, and quicker at taking a hint than most others, and have, + withal, a natural taste for fighting, that no acquired habits of other + nations can pretend to vie with. + </p> + <p> + As the worthy person to whose house I was now about to proceed was, and if + I am rightly informed is, rather a remarkable character in the local + history of Irish politics, I may as well say a few words concerning him. + Mr. Joseph Larkins, Esq.—(for so he signed himself)—had only + been lately elevated to the bench of magistrates. He was originally one of + that large but intelligent class called in Ireland "small farmers;" + remarkable chiefly for a considerable tact in driving hard bargains—a + great skill in wethers—a rather national dislike to pay all species + of imposts, whether partaking of the nature of tax, tithe, grand jury + cess, or any thing of that nature whatsoever. So very accountable—I + had almost said, (for I have been long quartered in Ireland,) so very + laudable a propensity, excited but little of surprise or astonishment in + his neighbours, the majority of whom entertained very similar views—none, + however, possessing any thing like the able and lawyer-like ability of the + worthy Larkins, for the successful evasion of these inroads upon the + liberty of the subject. Such, in fact, was his talent, and so great his + success in this respect, that he had established what, if it did not + actually amount to a statute of exemption in law, served equally well in + reality; and for several years he enjoyed a perfect immunity on the + subject of money-paying in general. His "little houldin'," as he + unostentatiously called some five hundred acres of bog, mountain, and + sheep-walk, lay in a remote part of the county, the roads were nearly + impassable for several miles in that direction, land was of little value; + the agent was a timid man, with a large family; of three tithe-proctors + who had penetrated into the forbidden territory, two laboured under a + dyspepsia for life, not being able to digest parchment and sealing-wax, + for they usually dined on their own writs; and the third gave five pounds + out of his pocket, to a large, fresh-looking man, with brown whiskers and + beard, that concealed him two nights in a hay-loft, to escape the + vengeance of the people, which act of philanthropy should never be + forgotten, if some ill-natured people were not bold enough to say the kind + individual in question was no other man than— + </p> + <p> + However this may be, true it is that this was the last attempt made to + bring within the responsibilities of the law so refractory a subject; and + so powerful is habit, that although he was to be met with at every market + and cattle-fair in the county, an arrest of his person was no more + contemplated than if he enjoyed the privilege of parliament to go at large + without danger. + </p> + <p> + When the country became disturbed, and nightly meetings of the peasantry + were constantly held, followed by outrages against life and property to + the most frightful extent, the usual resources of the law were employed + unavailingly. It was in vain to offer high rewards. Approvers could not be + found; and so perfectly organized were the secret associations, that few + beyond the very ringleaders knew any thing of consequence to communicate. + Special commissions were sent down from Dublin; additional police force, + detachments of military; long correspondences took place between the + magistracy and the government—but all in vain. The disturbances + continued; and at last to such a height had they risen, that the country + was put under martial law; and even this was ultimately found perfectly + insufficient to repel what now daily threatened to become an open + rebellion rather than mere agrarian disturbance. It was at this precise + moment, when all resources seemed to be fast exhausting themselves, that + certain information reached the Castle, of the most important nature. The + individual who obtained and transmitted it, had perilled his life in so + doing—but the result was a great one—no less than the capital + conviction and execution of seven of the most influential amongst the + disaffected peasantry. Confidence was at once shaken in the secrecy of + their associates; distrust and suspicion followed. Many of the boldest + sunk beneath the fear of betrayal, and themselves, became evidence for the + crown; and in five months, a county shaken with midnight meetings, and + blazing with insurrectionary fires, became almost the most tranquil in its + province. It may well be believed, that he who rendered this important + service on this trying emergency, could not be passed over, and the name + of J. Larkins soon after appeared in the Gazette as one of his Majesty's + justices of the peace for the county; pretty much in the same spirit in + which a country gentleman converts the greatest poacher in his + neighbourhood by making him, his gamekeeper. + </p> + <p> + In person he was a large and powerfully built man, considerably above six + feet in height, and possessing great activity, combined with powers of + enduring fatigue almost incredible. With an eye like a hawk, and a heart + that never knew fear, he was the person, of all others, calculated to + strike terror into the minds of the country people. The reckless daring + with which he threw himself into danger—the almost impetuous + quickness with which he followed up a scent, whenever information reached + him of an important character—had their full effect upon a people + who, long accustomed to the slowness and the uncertainty of the law were + almost paralyzed at beholding detection and punishment follow on crime, as + certainly as the thunder-crash follows the lightning. + </p> + <p> + His great instrument for this purpose was the obtaining information from + sworn members of the secret societies, and whose names never appeared in + the course of a trial or a prosecution, until the measure of their + iniquity was completed, when they usually received a couple of hundred + pounds, blood-money, as it was called, with which they took themselves + away to America or Australia—their lives being only secured while + they remained, by the shelter afforded them in the magistrate's own house. + And so it happened that, constantly there numbered from ten to twelve of + these wretches, inmates of his family, each of whom had the burden of + participation in one murder at least, waiting for an opportunity to leave + the country, unnoticed and unwatched. + </p> + <p> + Such a frightful and unnatural state of things, can hardly be conceived; + and yet, shocking as it was, it was a relief to that which led to it. I + have dwelt, perhaps too long upon this painful subject; but let my reader + now accompany me a little farther, and the scene shall be changed. Does he + see that long, low, white house, with a tall, steep roof, perforated with + innumerable narrow windows. There are a few straggling beech trees, upon a + low, bleak-looking field before the house, which is called, par + excellence, the lawn; a pig or two, some geese, and a tethered goat are, + here and there musing over the state of Ireland, while some rosy + curly-headed noisy and bare-legged urchins are gamboling before the door. + This is the dwelling of the worshipful justice, to which myself and my + party were now approaching, with that degree of activity which attends on + most marches of twenty miles, under the oppressive closeness of a day in + autumn. Fatigued and tired as I was, yet I could not enter the little + enclosure before the house, without stopping for a moment to admire the + view before me. A large tract of rich country, undulating on every side, + and teeming with corn fields, in all the yellow gold of ripeness; here and + there, almost hid by small clumps of ash and alder, were scattered some + cottages, from which the blue smoke rose in a curling column into the calm + evening's sky. All was graceful, and beautifully tranquil; and you might + have selected the picture as emblematic of that happiness and repose we so + constantly associate with our ideas of the country; and yet, before that + sun had even set, which now gilded the landscape, its glories would be + replaced by the lurid glare of nightly incendiarism, and—but here, + fortunately for my reader, and perhaps myself, I am interrupted in my + meditations by a rich, mellifluous accent saying, in the true Doric of the + south— + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Loorequer! you're welcome to Curryglass, sir. You've had a hot day + for your march. Maybe you'd take a taste of sherry before dinner? Well + then, we'll not wait for Molowny, but order it up at once." + </p> + <p> + So saying, I was ushered into a long, low drawing-room, in which were + collected together about a dozen men, to whom I was specially and + severally presented, and among whom I was happy to find my boarding-house + acquaintance, Mr. Daly, who, with the others, had arrived that same day, + for the assizes, and who were all members of the legal profession, either + barristers, attorneys, or clerks of the peace. + </p> + <p> + The hungry aspect of the convives, no less than the speed with which + dinner made its appearance after my arrival, showed me that my coming was + only waited for to complete the party—the Mr. Molowny before alluded + to, being unanimously voted present. The meal itself had but slight + pretensions to elegance; there were neither vol au vents, nor croquettes; + neither were there poulets aux truffes, nor cotelletes a la soubise but in + their place stood a lordly fish of some five-and-twenty pounds weight, a + massive sirloin, with all the usual armament of fowls, ham, pigeon-pie, + beef-steak, lying in rather a promiscuous order along either side of the + table. The party were evidently disposed to be satisfied, and I + acknowledge, I did not prove an exception to the learned individuals about + me, either in my relish for the good things, or my appetite to enjoy them. + Dulce est desipere in loco, says some one, by which I suppose is meant, + that a rather slang company is occasionally good fun. Whether from my + taste for the "humanities" or not, I am unable to say, but certainly in my + then humour, I should not have exchanged my position for one of much + greater pretensions to elegance and ton. There was first a general + onslaught upon the viands, crashing of plates, jingling of knives, + mingling with requests for "more beef," "the hard side of the salmon," or + "another slice of ham." Then came a dropping fire of drinking wine, which + quickly increased, the decanters of sherry for about ten minutes resting + upon the table, about as long as Taglioni touches this mortal earth in one + of her flying ballets. Acquaintances were quickly formed between the + members of the bar and myself, and I found that my momentary popularity + was likely to terminate in my downfall; for, as each introduction was + followed by a bumper of strong sherry, I did not expect to last till the + end of the feast. The cloth at length disappeared, and I was just thanking + Providence for the respite from hob-nobbing which I imagined was to + follow, when a huge, square decanter of whiskey appeared, flanked by an + enormous jug of boiling water, and renewed preparations for drinking upon + a large scale seriously commenced. It was just at this moment that I, for + the first time, perceived the rather remarkable figure who had waited upon + us at dinner, and who, while I chronicle so many things of little import, + deserves a slight mention. He was a little old man of about fifty-five or + sixty years, wearing upon his head a barrister's wig, and habited in + clothes which originally had been the costume of a very large and bulky + person, and which, consequently, added much to the drollery of his + appearance. He had been, for forty years, the servant of Judge Vandeleur, + and had entered his present service rather in the light of a preceptor + than a menial, invariably dictating to the worthy justice upon every + occasion of etiquette or propriety, by a reference to what "the judge + himself" did, which always sufficed to carry the day in Nicholas's favour, + opposition to so correct a standard, never being thought of by the + justice. + </p> + <p> + "That's Billy Crow's own whiskey, the 'small still,'" said Nicholas, + placing the decanter upon the table, "make much of it, for there isn't + such dew in the county." + </p> + <p> + With this commendation upon the liquor, Nicholas departed, and we + proceeded to fill our glasses. + </p> + <p> + I cannot venture—perhaps it is so much the better that I cannot—to + give any idea of the conversation which at once broke out, as if the + barriers that restrained it had at length given way. But law talk in all + its plenitude, followed; and for two hours I heard of nothing but writs, + detainers, declarations, traverses in prox, and alibis, with sundry hints + for qui tam processes, interspersed, occasionally, with sly jokes about + packing juries and confusing witnesses, among which figured the usual + number of good things attributed to the Chief Baron O'Grady and the other + sayers of smart sayings at the bar. + </p> + <p> + "Ah!" said Mr. Daly, drawing a deep sigh at the same instant—"the + bar is sadly fallen off since I was called in the year seventy-six. There + was not a leader in one of the circuits at that time that couldn't puzzle + any jury that ever sat in a box; and as for driving through an act of + parliament, it was, as Sancho Panza says, cakes and gingerbread to them. + And then, there is one especial talent lost for ever to the present + generation—just like stained glass and illuminated manuscripts, and + slow poisons and the like—that were all known years ago—I mean + the beautiful art of addressing the judge before the jury, and not letting + them know you were quizzing them, if ye liked to do that same. Poor Peter + Purcell for that—rest his ashes—he could cheat the devil + himself, if he had need—and maybe he has had before now, Peter is + sixteen years dead last November." + </p> + <p> + "And what was Peter's peculiar tact in that respect, Mr. Daly?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, then I might try for hours to explain it to you in vain; but I'll + just give you an instance that'll show you better than all my + dissertations on the subject, and I was present myself when it happened, + more by token, it was the first time I ever met him on circuit;— + </p> + <p> + "I suppose there is scarcely any one here now, except myself, that + remembers the great cause of Mills versus Mulcahy, a widow and others, + that was tried in Ennis, in the year '82. It's no matter if there is not. + Perhaps it may be more agreeable for me, for I can tell my story my own + version, and not be interrupted. Well, that was called the old record, for + they tried it seventeen times. I believe, on my conscience, it killed old + Jones, who was in the Common Pleas; he used to say, if he put it for trial + on the day of judgment, one of the parties would be sure to lodge an + appeal. Be that as it may, the Millses engaged Peter special, and brought + him down with a great retainer, in a chaise and four, flags flying, and + favors in the postillions' hats, and a fiddler on the roof playing the + 'hare in the corn.' The inn was illuminated the same evening, and Peter + made a speech from the windows upon the liberty of the press and religious + freedom all over the globe, and there wasn't a man in the mob didn't cheer + him, which was the more civil, because few of them knew a word of English, + and the others thought he was a play-actor. But it all went off well, + nevertheless, for Peter was a clever fellow; and although he liked money + well, he liked popularity more, and he never went any where special that + he hadn't a public meeting of some kind or other, either to abolish rents, + or suppress parsons, or some such popular and beneficial scheme, which + always made him a great favourite with the people, and got him plenty of + clients. But I am wandering from the record. Purcell came down, as I said + before, special for Mills; and when he looked over his brief, and thought + of the case, he determined to have it tried by a gentlemen jury, for + although he was a great man with the mob, he liked the country gentlemen + better in the jury box, for he was always coming out with quotations from + the classics, which, whether the grand jury understood or not, they always + applauded very much. Well, when he came into court that morning, you may + guess his surprise and mortification to find that the same jury that had + tried a common ejectment case, were still in the box, and waiting, by the + chief justice's direction, to try Mills versus Mulcahy, the great case of + the assizes. + </p> + <p> + "I hear they were a set of common clod-hopping wretches, with frize coats + and brogues, that no man could get round at all, for they were as cunning + as foxes, and could tell blarney from good sense, rather better than + people with better coats on them. + </p> + <p> + "Now, the moment that Mr. Purcell came into the court, after bowing + politely to the judge, he looked up to the box, and when he saw the dirty + faces of the dealers in pork and potatoes, and the unshaven chins of the + small farmers, his heart fell within him, and he knew in a minute how + little they'd care for the classics—if he quoted Caesar's + Commentaries itself for them—ignorant creatures as they were! + </p> + <p> + "Well, the cause was called, and up gets Peter, and he began to 'express', + (as he always called it himself,) 'the great distress his client and + himself would labour under, if the patient and most intelligent jury then + on the panel should come to the consideration of so very tedious a case as + this promised to be, after their already most fatiguing exertions;' he + commented upon their absence from their wives and families, their farms + neglected, their crops hazarded, and in about fifteen minutes he showed + them they were, if not speedily released and sent home, worse treated and + harder used than many of the prisoners condemned to three months + imprisonment; and actually so far worked upon the feelings of the chief + himself, that he turned to the foreman of the jury, and said, 'that + although it was a great deviation from his habitual practice, if at this + pressing season their prospects were involved to the extent the learned + counsel had pictured, why then, that he would so far bend his practice on + this occasion, and they should be dismissed.' Now Peter, I must confess, + here showed the most culpable ignorance in not knowing that a set of + country fellows, put up in a jury box, would rather let every glade of + corn rot in the ground, than give up what they always supposed so very + respectable an appointment; for they invariably imagine in these cases + that they are something very like my lord the judge, 'barrin' the ermine;' + besides, that on the present occasion, Peter's argument in their favour + decided them upon staying, for they now felt like martyrs, and firmly + believed that they were putting the chief justice under an obligation to + them for life. + </p> + <p> + "When, therefore, they heard the question of the court, it did not take a + moment's time for the whole body to rise en masses and bowing to the + judge, call out, 'We'll stay, my lord, and try every mother's son of them + for you; ay, if it lasted till Christmas. + </p> + <p> + "'I am sure, my lord,' said Peter, collecting himself for an effort, 'I + cannot sufficiently express my gratitude for the great sacrifice these + gifted and highly intelligent gentlemen are making in my client's behalf; + for being persons who have great interests in the country at stake, their + conduct on the present occasion is the more praiseworthy; and I am certain + they fully appreciate, as does your lordship, the difficulty of the case + before us, when documents will be submitted, requiring a certain degree of + acquaintance with such testimonials sufficiently to comprehend. Many of + the title deeds, as your lordship is aware, being obtained under old abbey + charters, are in the learned languages; and we all know how home to our + hearts and bosoms comes the beautiful line of the Greek poet 'vacuus + viator cantabit ante latronem.'" The sound of the quotation roused the + chief justice, who had been in some measure inattentive to the preceding + part of the learned counsel's address, and he called out rather sharply, + 'Greek! Mr. Purcell—why I must have mistaken—will you repeat + the passage?' + </p> + <p> + "'With pleasure, my lord. I was just observing to your lordship and the + jury, with the eloquent poet Hergesius, 'vacuus viator cantabit ante + latronem.' + </p> + <p> + "'Greek, did you call it?' + </p> + <p> + "'Yes, my lord, of course I did.' + </p> + <p> + "'Why, Mr. Purcell, you are quoting Latin to me—and what do you mean + by talking of the learned Hergesius, and Greek all this time?—the + line is Juvenal's.' + </p> + <p> + "'My lord, with much submission to your lordship, and every deference to + your great attainments and very superior talents, let me still assure you + that I am quoting Greek, and that your lordship is in error.' + </p> + <p> + "'Mr. Purcell, I have only to remark, that if you are desirous of making a + jest of the court, you had better be cautious, I say, sir;' and here the + judge waxed exceeding wroth. 'I say the line is Latin—Latin, sir, + Juvenal's Latin, sir—every schoolboy knows it.' + </p> + <p> + "'Of course, my lord,' said Peter, with great humility, 'I bow myself to + the decision of your lordship; the line is, therefore, Latin. Yet I may be + permitted to hint that were your lordship disposed to submit this + question, as you are shortly about to do another and a similar one, to + those clear-sighted and intelligent gentlemen there, I am satisfied, my + lord, it would be Greek to every man of them.' + </p> + <p> + "The look, the voice, and the peculiar emphasis with which Peter gave + these words, were perfectly successful. The acute judge anticipated the + wish of the counsel—the jury were dismissed, and Peter proceeded to + his case before those he knew better how to deal with, and with whom the + result was more certain to be as he wished it." + </p> + <p> + To this anecdote of the counsellor, succeeded many others, of which, as + the whiskey was potent and the hour late, my memory is not over retentive: + the party did not break up till near four o'clock; and even then, our + seance only concluded, because some one gravely remarked "that as we + should be all actively engaged on the morrow, early hours were advisable." + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch19" id="ch19"></a>CHAPTER XIX. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + THE ASSIZE TOWN. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + I had not been above a week in my new quarters, when my servant presented + me, among my letters one morning, with a packet, which with considerable + pains, I at length recognised to be directed to me. The entire envelope + was covered with writing in various hands, among which I detected + something which bore a faint resemblance to my name; but the address which + followed was perfectly unreadable, not only to me, as it appeared, but + also to the "experts" of the different post-offices, for it had been + followed by sundry directions to try various places beginning with T, + which seemed to be the letter commencing the "great unknown locality:" + thus I read "try Tralee," "try Tyrone," "try Tanderagee," I wonder that + they didn't add, "try Teheran," and I suppose they would at last, rather + than abandon the pursuit. + </p> + <p> + "But, Stubber," said I, as I conned over the various addresses on this + incomprehensible cover, "are you sure this is for me?" + </p> + <p> + "The postmaster, sir, desired me to ask you if you'd have it, for he has + offered it to every one down in these parts lately; the waterguard + officers will take it at 8d. Cir, if you won't, but I begged you might + have the refusal." + </p> + <p> + "Oh! very well; I am happy to find matters are managed so impartially in + the post-office here. Nothing like a public cant for making matters find + their true level. Tell the postmaster, then, I'll keep the letter, and the + rather, as it happens, by good luck, to be intended for me." + </p> + <p> + "And now for the interior," said I, as I broke the seal and read: + </p> + <blockquote> + <blockquote> + <p> + "Paris, Rue Castiglione. + </p> + <p> + "My dear Mr. Lorrequer—As her ladyship and my son have in vain + essayed to get any thing from you in the shape of reply to their + letters, it has devolved upon me to try my fortune, which were I to + augur from the legibility of my writing, may not, I should fear, prove + more successful than the"—(what can the word be?) "the—the" + —why, it can't be damnable, surely?—no, it is amiable, I + see—"than the amiable epistle of my lady. I cannot, however, + permit myself to leave this without apprising you that we are about to + start for Baden, where we purpose remaining a month or two. Your + cousin Guy, who has been staying for some time with us, has been + obliged to set out for Geneva, but hopes to join in some weeks hence. + He is a great favourite with us all, but has not effaced the memory of + our older friend, yourself. Could you not find means to come over and + see us—if only a flying visit? Rotterdam is the route, and a few + days would bring you to our quarters. Hoping that you may feel so + disposed, I have enclosed herewith a letter to the Horse Guards, which + I trust may facilitate your obtaining leave of absence. I know of no + other mode of making your peace with the ladies, who are too highly + incensed at your desertion to send one civil postscript to this + letter; and Kilkee and myself are absolutely exhausted in our defence + of you. Believe me, yours truly, + </p> + <p> + "Callonby." + </p> + </blockquote> + </blockquote> + <p> + Had I received an official notification of my being appointed paymaster to + the forces, or chaplain to Chelsea hospital, I believe I should have + received the information with less surprise than I perused this letter—that + after the long interval which had elapsed, during which I had considered + myself totally forgotten by this family, I should now receive a letter—and + such a letter, too—quite in the vein of our former intimacy and good + feeling, inviting me to their house, and again professing their + willingness that I should be on the terms of our old familiarity—was + little short of wonderful to me. I read, too—with what pleasure?—that + slight mention of my cousin, whom I had so long regarded as my successful + rival, but who I began now to hope had not been preferred to me. Perhaps + it was not yet too late to think that all was not hopeless. It appeared, + too, that several letters had been written which had never reached me; so, + while I accused them of neglect and forgetfulness, I was really more + amenable to the charge myself; for, from the moment I had heard of my + cousin Guy's having been domesticated amongst them, and the rumours of his + marriage had reached me, I suffered my absurd jealousy to blind my reason, + and never wrote another line after. I ought to have known how "bavarde" + [boasting] Guy always was—that he never met with the most + commonplace attentions any where, that he did not immediately write home + about settlements and pin-money, and portions for younger children, and + all that sort of nonsense. Now I saw it all plainly, and ten thousand + times quicker than my hopes were extinguished before were they again + kindled, and I could not refrain from regarding Lady Jane as a mirror of + constancy, and myself the most fortunate man in Europe. My old + castle-building propensities came back upon me in an instant, and I + pictured myself, with Lady Jane as my companion, wandering among the + beautiful scenery of the Neckar, beneath the lofty ruins of Heidelberg, or + skimming the placid surface of the Rhine, while, "mellowed by distance," + came the rich chorus of a student's melody, filling the air with its flood + of song. How delightful, I thought, to be reading the lyrics of Uhland, or + Buerger, with one so capable of appreciating them, with all the hallowed + associations of the "Vaterland" about us! Yes, said I aloud, repeating the + well-known line of a German "Lied"— + </p> + <p> + "Bakranzt mit Laub, den lieben vollen Becher." + </p> + <p> + "Upon my conscience," said Mr. Daly, who had for some time past been in + silent admiration of my stage-struck appearance—"upon my conscience, + Mr. Lorrequer, I had no conception you knew Irish." + </p> + <p> + The mighty talisman of the Counsellor's voice brought me back in a moment + to a consciousness of where I was then standing, and the still more + fortunate fact that I was only a subaltern in his majesty's __th—. + </p> + <p> + "Why, my dear Counsellor, that was German I was quoting, not Irish." + </p> + <p> + "With all my heart," said Mr. Daly, breaking the top off his third egg—"with + all my heart; I'd rather you'd talk it than me. Much conversation in that + tongue, I'm thinking, would be mighty apt to loosen one's teeth." + </p> + <p> + "Not at all, it is the most beautiful language in Europe, and the most + musical too. Why, even for your own peculiar taste in such matters, where + can you find any language so rich in Bacchanalian songs as German?" + </p> + <p> + "I'd rather hear the "Cruiskeen Lawn" or the "Jug of Punch" as my old + friend Pat. Samson could sing them, than a score of your high Dutch + jawbreakers." + </p> + <p> + "Shame upon ye, Mr. Daly; and for pathos, for true feeling, where is there + anything equal to Schiller's ballads?" + </p> + <p> + "I don't think I've ever heard any of his; but if you will talk of + ballads," said the Counsellor, "give me old Mosey M'Garry's: what's finer + than"—and here began, with a most nasal twang and dolorous emphasis, + to sing— + </p> + <table summary=""> + <tr> + <td> + "'And I stepp'd up unto her,<br /> An' I made a congee—<br /> And + I ax'd her, her pardon<br /> For the making so free.'<br /> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + <p> + "And then the next verse, she says— + </p> + <table summary=""> + <tr> + <td> + "'Are you goin' to undo me,<br /> In this desert alone?'—<br /> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + <p> + "There's a shake there." + </p> + <p> + "For Heaven's sake," I cried, "stop; when I spoke of ballads, I never + meant such infernal stuff as that." + </p> + <p> + "I'll not give up my knowledge of ballads to any man breathing," said Mr. + Daly; "and, with God's blessing, I'll sing you one this evening, after + dinner, that will give you a cramp in the stomach." + </p> + <p> + An animated discussion upon lyrical poetry was here interrupted by a + summons from our host to set out for the town. My party were, by the + desire of the magistracy, to be in readiness near the court-house, in the + event of any serious disturbance, which there existed but too much reason + to fear from the highly excited state of feeling on the subject of the + approaching trials. The soldiers were, under the guidance of Mr. Larkins, + safely ensconced in a tan-yard; and I myself, having consigned them for + the present to a non-commissioned officer, was left at perfect liberty to + dispose of my time and person as it might please me. + </p> + <p> + While these arrangements were taking place, I had entirely lost sight of + Mr. Daly, under whose guidance and protection I trusted to obtain a place + within the bar to hear the trials; so that I was now perfectly alone, for + my host's numerous avocations entirely precluded any thought of my putting + myself under his care. + </p> + <p> + My first object was to reach the court-house, and there could be little + difficulty in finding it, for the throng of persons in the street were all + eagerly bending their way thither. I accordingly followed with the stream, + and soon found myself among an enormous multitude of frize-coated and + red-cloaked people, of both sexes, in a large open square, which formed + the market-place, one side of which was flanked by the court-house—for + as such I immediately recognized a massive-looking grey stone building—in + which the numerous windows, all open and filled with people, exhaled a + continued steam from the crowded atmosphere within. To approach it was + perfectly impossible: for the square was packed so closely, that as the + people approached, by the various streets, they were obliged to stand in + the avenues leading to it, and regard what was going on from a distance. + Of this large multitude I soon became one, hoping that at length some + fortunate opportunity might enable me to obtain admission through some of + my legal acquaintances. + </p> + <p> + That the fate of those who were then upon their trial for their lives + absorbed the entire feelings of those without, a momentary glance at the + hundreds of anxious and care-worn faces in the crowd, would completely + satisfy. Motionless and silent they stood: they felt no fatigue—no + want of food or refreshment—their interest was one and undivided—all + their hopes and fears were centered in the events then passing at a short + distance from them, but to which their ignorance imparted an additional + and more painful excitement—the only information of how matters were + going on being by an occasional word, sometimes a mere gesture from some + one stationed in the windows to a friend in the crowd. + </p> + <p> + When the contemplation of this singularly impressive scene was beginning + to weary from the irksomeness of my position, I thought of retiring: but + soon discovered how impossible was such a step. The crowd had blocked up + so completely all the avenues of approach, that even had I succeeded in + getting from the market-place, it would be only to remain firmly impacted + among the mob in the street. + </p> + <p> + It now also occurred to me, that although I had been assured by Larkins no + call could possibly be made upon my services or those of my party, till + after the trial, yet, were that to conclude at any moment, I should be + perfectly unable to regain the place where I had stationed them, and the + most serious consequences might ensue from the absence of their officer, + if the men were required to act. + </p> + <p> + From the time this thought took possession of me, I became excessively + uncomfortable. Every expression of the people that denoted the progress of + the trial, only alarmed me for the conclusion, which I supposed, might not + be distant, and I began, with all my ingenuity, to attempt my retreat, + which, after half an hour's severe struggle, I completely abandoned, + finding myself scarcely ten yards from where I started. + </p> + <p> + At length, the counsel for the crown, who had been speaking to evidence, + ceased; and an indistinct murmur was heard through the court-house, which + was soon repressed by the voice of the crier calling "silence." All now + seemed still and silent as the grave—yet, on listening attentively, + for some time, you could catch the low tones of a voice speaking, as it + appeared, with great deliberation and slowness. This was the judge + addressing the jury. In a short time this also ceased; and, for about half + an hour, the silence was perfectly unbroken, and both within and without + there reigned one intense and aching sense of anxiety that absorbed every + feeling, and imparted to every face an expression of almost agonizing + uncertainty. It was, indeed, a space well calculated to excite such + emotions. The jury had retired to deliberate upon their verdict. At length + a door was heard to open, and the footsteps of the jury, as they resumed + their places, sounded through the court, and were heard by those without. + How heavily upon many a stout heart those footsteps fell! They had taken + their seats—then came another pause—after which the monotonous + tones of the clerk of the court were heard, addressing the jury for their + verdict. As the foreman rises every ear is bent—every eye strained—every + heart-string vibrates: his lips move, but he is not heard; he is desired + by the judge to speak louder; the colour mounts to his before bloodless + face; he appears to labour for a few seconds with a mighty effort, and, at + last, pronounces the words, "Guilty, my Lord—all guilty!" + </p> + <p> + I have heard the wild war-whoop of the red Indian, as, in his own pine + forest, he has unexpectedly come upon the track of his foe, and the almost + extinguished hope of vengeance has been kindled again in his cruel heart—I + have listened to the scarcely less savage hurra of a storming party, as + they have surmounted the crumbling ruins of a breach, and devoted to fire + and sword, with that one yell, all who await them—and once in my + life it has been my fortune to have heard the last yell of defiance from a + pirate crew, as they sunk beneath the raking fire of a frigate, rather + than surrender, and went down with a cheer of defiance that rose even + above the red artillery that destroyed but could not subdue them;—but + never, in any or all of these awful moments, did my heart vibrate to such + sounds as rent the air when the fatal "Guilty" was heard by those within, + and repeated to those without. It was not grief—it was not despair—neither + was it the cry of sharp and irrepressible anguish, from a suddenly + blighted hope—but it was the long pent-up and carefully-concealed + burst of feeling which called aloud for vengeance—red and reeking + revenge upon all who had been instrumental in the sentence then delivered. + It ceased, and I looked towards the court-house, expecting that an + immediate and desperate attack upon the building and those whom it + contained would at once take place. But nothing of the kind ensued; the + mob were already beginning to disperse, and before I recovered perfectly + from the excitement of these few and terrible moments, the square was + nearly empty, and I almost felt as if the wild and frantic denunciation + that still rang through my ears, had been conjured up by a heated and + fevered imagination. + </p> + <p> + When I again met our party at the dinner table, I could not help feeling + surprised on perceiving how little they sympathized in my feeling for the + events of the day; which, indeed, they only alluded to in a professional + point of view—criticising the speeches of the counsel on both sides, + and the character of the different witnesses who were examined. + </p> + <p> + "Well," said Mr. Daly, addressing our host, "you never could have had a + conviction to-day if it wasn't for Mike. He's the best evidence I ever + heard. I'd like to know very much how you ever got so clever a fellow + completely in your clutches?" + </p> + <p> + "By a mere accident, and very simply," replied the justice. "It was upon + one of our most crowded fair days—half the county was in town, when + the information arrived that the Walshes were murdered the night before, + at the cross-roads above Telenamuck mills. The news reached me as I was + signing some tithe warrants, one of which was against Mickey. I sent for + him into the office, knowing that as he was in the secret of all the evil + doings, I might as well pretend to do him a service, and offer to stop the + warrant, out of kindness as it were. Well, one way or another, he was kept + waiting for several hours while I was engaged in writing, and all the + country people, as they passed the window, could look in and see Mickey + Sheehan standing before me, while I was employed busily writing letters. + It was just at this time, that a mounted policeman rode in with the + account of the murder; upon which I immediately issued a warrant to arrest + the two MacNeills and Owen Shirley upon suspicion. I thought I saw Mike + turn pale, as I said the names over to the serjeant of police, and I at + once determined to turn it to account; so I immediately began talking to + Mickey about his own affairs, breaking off, every now and then, to give + some directions about the men to be captured. The crowd outside was + increasing every instant, and you need not have looked at their faces + twice, to perceive that they had regarded Mickey as an approver; and the + same night that saw the MacNeills in custody, witnessed the burning of + Sheehan's house and haggart, and he only escaped by a miracle over to + Curryglass, where, once under my protection, with the imputation upon his + character of having turned King's evidence, I had little trouble in + persuading him that he might as well benefit by the report as enjoy the + name without the gain. He soon complied, and the convictions of this day + are partly the result." + </p> + <p> + When the applause which greeted this clever stroke of our host had + subsided, I enquired what results might, in all likelihood, follow the + proceedings of which I had that day been a witness? + </p> + <p> + "Nothing will be done immediately," replied the justice, "because we have + a large force of police and military about us; but let either, or + unhappily both, be withdrawn, and the cry you heard given in the + market-place to-day will be the death-wail for more than one of those who + are well and hearty at this moment." + </p> + <p> + The train of thought inevitably forced upon me by all I had been a + spectator of during the day, but little disposed me to be a partaker in + the mirth and conviviality which, as usual, formed the staple of the + assize dinners of Mr. Larkins; and I accordingly took an early opportunity + to quit the company and retire for the night. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch20" id="ch20"></a>CHAPTER XX. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + A DAY IN DUBLIN. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + <a name="Mr._Burkes_Enthusiasm_for_the_Duke_of_Wellington" + id="Mr._Burkes_Enthusiasm_for_the_Duke_of_Wellington">Mr. Burke's + Enthusiasm for the Duke of Wellington</a> + </h3> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%;"> + <img alt="Ch 20 Mr Burke's Enthusiasm.jpg (77K)" + src="images/Ch%2020%20%20Mr%20Burkes%20Enthusiasm.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <a href="images2/Ch%2020%20%20Mr%20Burkes%20Enthusiasm.jpg">BLACK AND + WHITE IMAGE</a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + On the third day of my residence at Curryglass, arrived my friend, + Mortimer, to replace me, bringing my leave from the colonel, and a most + handsome letter, in which he again glanced at the prospect before me in + the Callonby family, and hinted at my destination, which I had not alluded + to, adding, that if I made the pretence of study in Germany the reason for + my application at the Horse Guards, I should be almost certain to obtain a + six months' leave. With what spirits I ordered Stubber to pack up my + portmanteau, and secure our places in the Dublin mail for that night, + while I myself hurried to take leave of my kind entertainer and his + guests, as well as to recommend to their favor and attention my excellent + friend Mortimer, who, being a jovial fellow, not at all in love, was a + happy exchange for me, who, despite Daly's capital stories, had spent the + last two days in watching the high road for my successor's arrival. + </p> + <p> + Once more then, I bade adieu to Curryglass and its hospitable owner, whose + labours for "justice to Ireland" I shall long remember, and depositing + myself in the bowels of his majesty's mail, gave way to the full current + of my hopes and imaginings, which at last ended in a sound and refreshing + sleep, from which I only awoke as we drew up at the door of the Hibernian, + in Dawson-street. + </p> + <p> + Even at that early hour there was considerable bustle and activity of + preparation, which I was at some loss to account for, till informed by the + waiter that there were upwards of three hundred strangers in the house, it + being the day of his majesty's expected arrival on his visit to Ireland, + and a very considerable section of the county Galway being at that moment, + with their wives and families, installed, for the occasion, in this, their + favourite hotel. + </p> + <p> + Although I had been reading of this approaching event every day for the + last three months, I could not help feeling surprised at the intense + appearance of excitement it occasioned, and, in the few minutes' + conversation I held with the waiter, learned the total impossibility of + procuring a lodging anywhere, and that I could not have a bed, even were I + to offer five guineas for it. Having, therefore, no inclination for sleep, + even upon easier terms, I ordered my breakfast to be ready at ten, and set + out upon a stroll through the town. I could not help, in my short ramble + through the streets, perceiving how admirably adapted were the worthy + Dublinites for all the honors that awaited them; garlands of flowers, + transparencies, flags, and the other insignia of rejoicing, were + everywhere in preparation, and, at the end of Sackville-street, a + considerable erection, very much resembling an impromptu gallows, was + being built, for the purpose, as I afterwards learnt, of giving the + worshipful the lord mayor the opportunity of opening the city gates to + royalty; creating the obstacle where none existed; being a very ingenious + conceit, and considerably Irish into the bargain. I could not help feeling + some desire to witness how all should go off, to use the theatrical + phrase; but, in my anxiety to get on to the continent, I at once abandoned + every thought of delay. When I returned to the coffee-room of my hotel, I + found it crowded to excess; every little table, originally destined for + the accommodation of one, having at least two, and sometimes three + occupants. In my hurried glance round the room, to decide where I should + place myself, I was considerably struck with the appearance of a stout + elderly gentleman, with red whiskers, and a high, bald forehead; he had, + although the day was an oppressively hot one, three waistcoats on, and by + the brown York tan of his long topped boots, evinced a very considerable + contempt either for weather or fashion; in the quick glance of his sharp + grey eye, I read that he listened half doubtingly to the narrative of his + companion, whose back was turned towards me, but who appeared, from the + occasional words which reached me, to be giving a rather marvellous and + melodramatic version of the expected pleasures of the capital. There was + something in the tone of the speaker's voice that I thought I recognised; + I accordingly drew near, and what was my surprise to discover my friend + Tom O'Flaherty. After our first salutation was over, Tom presented me to + his friend, Mr. Burke, of somewhere, who, he continued to inform me, in a + stage whisper, was a "regular dust," and never in Dublin in his life + before. + </p> + <p> + "And so, you say, sir, that his majesty cannot enter without the + permission of the lord mayor?" + </p> + <p> + "And the aldermen, too," replied Tom. "It is an old feudal ceremony; when + his majesty comes up to the gate, he demands admission, and the lord mayor + refuses, because he would be thus surrendering his great prerogative of + head of the city; then the aldermen get about him, and cajole him, and by + degrees he's won over by the promise of being knighted, and the king gains + the day, and enters." + </p> + <p> + "Upon my conscience, a mighty ridiculous ceremony it is, after all," said + Mr. Burke, "and very like a bargain for sheep in Ballinasloe fair, when + the buyer and seller appear to be going to fight, till a mutual friend + settles the bargain between them." + </p> + <p> + At this moment, Mr. Burke suddenly sprung from his chair, which was + nearest the window, to look out; I accordingly followed his example, and + beheld a rather ludicrous procession, if such it could be called, + consisting of so few persons. The principal individual in the group was a + florid, fat, happy-looking gentleman of about fifty, with a profusion of + nearly white whiskers, which met at his chin, mounted upon a sleek + charger, whose half-ambling, half-prancing pace, had evidently been + acquired by long habit of going in procession; this august figure was + habited in a scarlet coat and cocked hat, having aiguillettes, and all the + other appanage of a general officer; he also wore tight buckskin breeches, + and high jack-boots, like those of the Blues and Horse Guards; as he + looked from side to side, with a self-satisfied contented air, he appeared + quite insensible of the cortege which followed and preceded him; the + latter, consisting of some score of half-ragged boys, yelling and shouting + with all their might, and the former, being a kind of instalment in hand + of the Dublin Militia Band, and who, in numbers and equipment, closely + resembled the "army which accompanies the first appearance of Bombastes." + The only difference, that these I speak of did not play "the Rogue's + March," which might have perhaps appeared personal. + </p> + <p> + As this goodly procession advanced, Mr. Burke's eyes became riveted upon + it; it was the first wonder he had yet beheld, and he devoured it. "May I + ask, sir," said he, at length, "who that is?" + </p> + <p> + "Who that is!" said Tom, surveying him leisurely as he spoke; "why, + surely, sir, you must be jesting, or you would not ask such a question; I + trust, indeed, every one knows who he is. Eh, Harry," said he, looking at + me for a confirmation of what he said, and to which, of course, I assented + by a look. + </p> + <p> + "Well, but, my dear Mr. O'Flaherty, you forget how ignorant I am of every + thing here—" + </p> + <p> + "Ah, true," said Tom, interrupting; "I forgot you never saw him before." + </p> + <p> + "And who is he, sir?" + </p> + <p> + "Why, that's the Duke of Wellington." + </p> + <p> + "Lord have mercy upon me, is it?" said Mr. Burke, as he upset the table, + and all its breakfast equipage, and rushed through the coffee-room like + one possessed. Before I could half recover from the fit of laughing this + event threw me into, I heard him as he ran full speed down Dawson-street, + waving his hat, and shouting out at the top of his lungs, "God bless your + grace—Long life to your grace—Hurra for the hero of Waterloo; + the great captain of the age," ; which I grieve to say, for the + ingratitude of the individual lauded, seemed not to afford him half the + pleasure, and none of the amusement it did the mob, who reechoed the + shouts and cheering till he was hid within the precincts of the Mansion + House. + </p> + <p> + "And, now," said Tom to me, "finish your breakfast as fast as possible; + for, when Burke comes back he will be boring me to dine with him, or some + such thing, as a kind of acknowledgment of his gratitude for showing him + the Duke. Do you know he has seen more wonders through my poor + instrumentality, within the last three days in Dublin than a six months' + trip to the continent would show most men. I have made him believe that + Burke Bethel is Lord Brougham, and I am about to bring him to a soiree at + Mi-Ladi's, who he supposes to be the Marchioness of Conyngham. Apropos to + the Bellissima, let me tell you of a 'good hit' I was witness to a few + nights since; you know, perhaps, old Sir Charles Giesecke, eh?" + </p> + <p> + "I have seen him once, I think—the professor of mineralogy." + </p> + <p> + "Well, poor old Sir Charles, one of the most modest and retiring men in + existence, was standing the other night among the mob, in one of the + drawing-rooms, while a waltzing-party were figuring away, at which, with + that fondness for 'la danse' that characterizes every German of any age, + he was looking with much interest, when my lady came tripping up, and the + following short dialogue ensued within my ear-shot:—" + </p> + <p> + "Ah, mon cher, Sir Charles, ravi de vous voir. But why are you not + dancing?" + </p> + <p> + "Ah, mi ladi, Je ne puis pas, c'est a dire, Ich kann es nicht; I am too + old; Ich bin—" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, you horrid man; I understand you perfectly. You hate ladies, that is + the real reason. You do—you know you do." + </p> + <p> + "Ah, my ladi, Gnaedige frau; glauben sie mir; I do loave de ladies; I do + adore de sex. Do you know, my ladi, when I was in Greenland I did keep + four womans." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, shocking, horrid, vile Sir Charles, how could you tell me such a + story? I shall die of it." + </p> + <p> + "Ah, mine Gott, mi ladi; sie irren sich, vous, vous trompez. You are quite + in mistake; it was only to row my boat!" + </p> + <p> + "I leave you to guess how my lady's taste for the broad-side of the story, + and poor Sir Charles's vindication of himself, in regard to his estimation + of 'le beau sexe,' amused all who heard it; as for me, I had to leave the + room, half-choked with suppressed laughter. And, now, let us bolt, for I + see Burke coming, and, upon my soul I am tired of telling him lies, and + must rest on my oars for a few hours at least." + </p> + <p> + "But where is the necessity for so doing?" said I, "surely, where there is + so much of novelty as a large city presents to a visitor for the first + time, there is little occasion to draw upon imagination for your facts." + </p> + <p> + "Ah, my dear Harry, how little do you know of life; there is a kind of man + whose appetite for the marvellous is such, that he must be crammed with + miracles or he dies of inanition, and you might as well attempt to feed a + tiger upon pate de foie gras, as satisfy him by mere naked unvarnished + truth. I'll just give you an easy illustration; you saw his delight this + morning when the 'Duke' rode past; well I'll tell you the converse of that + proposition now. The night before last, having nothing better to do, we + went to the theatre; the piece was 'La Perouse,' which they have been + playing here for the last two months to crowded houses, to exhibit some + North American Indians whom some theatrical speculator brought over + 'expres', in all the horrors of fur, wampum, and yellow ochre. Finding the + 'spectacle' rather uninteresting I leaned back in my box, and fell into a + doze. Meanwhile, my inquiring friend, Mr. Burke, who felt naturally + anxious, as he always does, to get au fond at matters, left his place to + obtain information about the piece, the audience, and, above all, the + authenticity of the Indians, who certainly astonished him considerably. + </p> + <p> + "Now it so happened that about a fortnight previously some violent passion + to return home to their own country had seized these interesting + individuals, and they felt the most irresistible longing to abandon the + savage and unnatural condiments of roast beef and Guinness's porter, and + resume their ancient and more civilized habits of life. In fact, like the + old African lady, mentioned by the missionary at the Cape, they felt they + could die happy if they 'could only once more have a roast child for + supper,' and as such luxuries are dear in this country, stay another week + they would not, whatever the consequences might be; the manager reasoned, + begged, implored and threatened, by turns; all would not do, go they were + determined, and all that the unfortunate proprietor could accomplish was, + to make a purchase of their properties in fur, belts, bows, arrows, and + feathers, and get them away quietly, without the public being the wiser. + The piece was too profitable a one to abandon, so he looked about + anxiously, to supply the deficiency in his corps dramatique. For several + days nothing presented itself to his thoughts, and the public were + becoming more clamorous for the repetition of a drama which had greatly + delighted them. What was to be done? In a mood of doubt and uncertainty + the wretched manager was taking his accustomed walk upon the light-house + pier, while a number of unfortunate country fellows, bare legged and + lanky, with hay ropes fastening their old grey coats around them, were + standing beside a packet about to take their departure for England, for + the harvest. Their uncouth appearance, their wild looks, their violent + gestures, and, above all, their strange and guttural language, for they + were all speaking Irish, attracted the attention of the manager; the + effect, to his professional eye was good, the thought struck him at once. + Here were the very fellows he wanted. It was scarcely necessary to alter + any thing about them, they were ready made to his hand, and in many + respects better savages than their prototypes. Through the mediation of + some whiskey, the appropriate liquor in all treaties of this nature, a + bargain was readily struck, and in two hours more, 'these forty thieves' + were rehearsing upon the classic boards of our theatre, and once more, La + Perouse, in all the glory of red capital letters, shone forth in the + morning advertisements. The run of the piece continued unabated; the + Indians were the rage; nothing else was thought or spoken of in Dublin, + and already the benefit of Ashewaballagh Ho was announced, who, by the by, + was a little fellow from Martin's estate in Connemara, and one of the + drollest dogs I ever heard of. Well, it so happened that it was upon one + of their nights of performing that I found myself, with Mr. Burke, a + spectator of their proceedings; I had fallen into an easy slumber, while a + dreadful row in the box lobby roused me from my dream, and the loud cry of + 'turn him out,' 'pitch him over,' 'beat his brains out,' and other humane + proposals of the like nature, effectually restored me to consciousness; I + rushed out of the box into the lobby, and there, to my astonishment, in + the midst of a considerable crowd, beheld my friend, Mr. Burke, belaboring + the box-keeper with all his might with a cotton umbrella of rather + unpleasant proportions, accompanying each blow with an exclamation of + 'well, are they Connaughtmen, now, you rascal, eh? are they all west of + Athlone, tell me that, no? I wonder what's preventing me beating the soul + out of ye.' After obtaining a short cessation of hostilities, and + restoring poor Sharkey to his legs, much more dead than alive from pure + fright, I learned, at last, the teterrima causa belli. Mr. Burke, it + seems, had entered into conversation with Sharkey, the box-keeper, as to + all the particulars of the theatre, and the present piece, but especially + as to the real and authentic history of the Indians, whose language he + remarked, in many respects to resemble Irish. Poor Sharkey, whose + benefit-night was approaching, thought he might secure a friend for life, + by imparting to him an important state secret; and when, therefore, + pressed rather closely as to the 'savages' whereabout' resolved to try a + bold stroke, and trust his unknown interrogator. 'And so you don't really + know where they come from, nor can't guess?' 'Maybe, Peru,' said Mr. + Burke, innocently. 'Try again, sir,' said Sharkey, with a knowing grin. + 'Is it Behring's Straits?' said Mr. Burke. 'What do you think of Galway, + sir?' said Sharkey, with a leer intended to cement a friendship for life; + the words were no sooner out of his lips, than Burke, who immediately took + them as a piece of direct insolence to himself and his country, felled him + to the earth, and was in the act of continuing the discipline when I + arrived on the field of battle." + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch21" id="ch21"></a>CHAPTER XXI. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + A NIGHT AT HOWTH. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + "And must you really leave us so soon," said Tom as we issued forth into + the street; "why I was just planning a whole week's adventure for you. + Town is so full of all kinds of idle people, I think I could manage to + make your time pass pleasantly enough." + </p> + <p> + "Of that," I replied, "I have little doubt; but for the reasons I have + just mentioned, it is absolutely necessary that I should not lose a + moment; and after arranging a few things here, I shall start to-morrow by + the earliest packet, and hasten up to London at once." + </p> + <p> + "By Jupiter," said Tom, "how lucky. I just remember something, which comes + admirably apropos. You are going to Paris—is it not so?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, direct to Paris." + </p> + <p> + "Nothing could be better. There is a particularly nice person, a great + friend of mine, Mrs. Bingham, waiting for several days in hopes of a + chaperon to take care of herself and daughter—a lovely girl, only + nineteen, you wretch—to London, en route to the continent: the mamma + a delightful woman, and a widow, with a very satisfactory jointure—you + understand—but the daughter, a regular downright beauty, and a ward + in chancery, with how many thousand pounds I am afraid to trust myself to + say. You must know then they are the Binghams of—, upon my soul, I + forget where; but highly respectable." + </p> + <p> + "I regret I have not the pleasure of their acquaintance, and the more + because I shall not be able to make it now." + </p> + <p> + "As why?" said Tom gravely. + </p> + <p> + "Because, in the first place, I am so confoundedly pressed for time that I + could not possibly delay under any contingency that might arise; and your + fair friends are, doubtless, not so eagerly determined upon travelling + night and day till they reach Paris. Secondly, to speak candidly, with my + present hopes and fears weighing upon my mind, I should not be the most + agreeable travelling companion to two ladies with such pretensions as you + speak of; and thirdly,—" + </p> + <p> + "Confound your thirdly. I suppose we shall have sixteenthly, like a + Presbyterian minister's sermon, if I let you go on. Why, they'll not delay + you one hour. Mrs. Bingham, man, cares as little for the road as yourself; + and as for your petits soins, I suppose if you get the fair ladies through + the Custom-House, and see them safe in a London hotel, it is all will be + required at your hands." + </p> + <p> + "Notwithstanding all you say, I see the downright impossibility of my + taking such a charge at this moment, when my own affairs require all the + little attention I can bestow; and when, were I once involved with your + fair friends, it might be completely out of my power to prosecute my own + plans." + </p> + <p> + As I said this, we reached the door of a handsome looking house in + Kildare-street; upon which Tom left my arm, and informing me that he + desired to drop a card, knocked loudly. + </p> + <p> + "Is Mrs. Bingham at home," said he, as the servant opened the door. + </p> + <p> + "No sir, she's out in the carriage." + </p> + <p> + "Well, you see Harry, your ill luck befriends you; for I was resolved on + presenting you to my friends and leaving the rest to its merits." + </p> + <p> + "I can safely assure you that I should not have gone up stairs," said I. + "Little as I know of myself, there is one point of my character I have + never been deceived in, the fatal facility by which every new incident or + adventure can turn me from following up my best matured and longest + digested plans; and as I feel this weakness and cannot correct it; the + next best thing I can do is fly the causes." + </p> + <p> + "Upon my soul," said Tom, "you have become quite a philosopher since we + met. There is an old adage which says, 'no king is ever thoroughly + gracious if he has not passed a year or two in dethronement;' so I believe + your regular lady-killer—yourself for instance—becomes a very + quiet animal for being occasionally jilted. But now, as you have some + commissions to do, pray get done with them as fast as possible, and let us + meet at dinner. Where do you dine to-day?" + </p> + <p> + "Why, upon that point, I am at your service completely." + </p> + <p> + "Well, then, I have got a plan which I think will suit you. You said you + wished to go by Holyhead, for fear of delay; so, we'll drive down at six + o'clock to Skinner's and dine with him on board the packet at Howth. Bring + your luggage with you, and it will save you a vast deal of fuss and + trouble in the morning." + </p> + <p> + Nothing could be better management for me than this, so I accordingly + promised acquiescence; and having appointed a rendezvous for six o'clock, + bade O'Flaherty good by, inwardly rejoicing that my plans were so far + forwarded, and that I was not to be embarrassed with either Mrs. Bingham + or her daughter, for whose acquaintance or society I had no peculiar + ambition. + </p> + <p> + My commissions, though not very numerous, occupied the few hours which + remained, and it was already a few minutes past six o'clock when I took my + stand under the piazza of the Post Office to wait for O'Flaherty. I had + not long to do so, for immediately after I had reached the spot, he + arrived in an open barouche and four posters, with three other young men, + to whom he severally introduced me, but whose names I have totally + forgotten; I only remember that two of the party were military men then + quartered in town. + </p> + <p> + When I had taken my seat, I could not help whispering to Tom, that + although his friend Skinner might be "bon" for a visitation or two at his + dinner, yet as we were now so strong a party, it might be as well to dine + at the hotel. + </p> + <p> + "Oh," said he, "I have arranged all that; I have sent him a special + messenger two hours since, and so make your mind easy—we shall not + be disappointed, nor be short-taken." + </p> + <p> + Our drive, although a long one, passed quickly over, and before we had + reached our destination, I had become tolerably intimate with all the + party, who were evidently picked men, selected by O'Flaherty for a + pleasant evening. + </p> + <p> + We drove along the pier to the wharf, where the steamer lay, and were + received at once by Tom's friend with all the warm welcome and hospitality + of a sailor, united with the address and polish of a very finished + gentleman. As we descended the companion-ladder to the cabin, my mind + became speedily divested of any fears I might have indulged in, as to the + want of preparation of our entertainer. The table was covered with all the + appanage of handsome plate and cut glass, while the side-tables glittered + with a magnificent dessert, and two large wine-coolers presented an array + of champagne necks shining with their leaden cravats that would have + tempted an anchorite. + </p> + <p> + I remember very little else of that evening than the coup d'oeil I have + mentioned; besides, were my memory more retentive, I might scruple to + trespass farther on my reader's patience, by the detail of those + pleasures, which, like love-letters, however agreeable to the parties + immediately concerned, are very unedifying to all others. I do remember, + certainly, that good stories and capital songs succeeded each other with a + rapidity only to be equalled by the popping of corks; and have also a very + vague and indistinct recollection of a dance round the table, evidently to + finish a chorus, but which, it appears, finished me too, for I saw no more + that night. + </p> + <p> + How many men have commemorated the waking sensations of their fellow-men, + after a night's debauch; yet at the same time, I am not aware of any one + having perfectly conveyed even a passing likeness to the mingled throng of + sensations which crowd one's brain on such an occasion. The doubt of what + has passed, by degrees yielding to the half-consciousness of the truth, + the feeling of shame, inseparable except to the habitually hard-goer, for + the events thus dimly pictured, the racking headache and intense thirst, + with the horror of the potation recently indulged in: the recurring sense + of the fun or drollery of a story or an incident which provokes us again + to laugh despite the jarring of our brain from the shaking. All this and + more most men have felt, and happy are they when their waking thoughts are + limited to such, at such times as these—the matter becomes + considerably worse, when the following morning calls for some considerable + exertion, for which even in your best and calmest moments, you only find + yourself equal. + </p> + <p> + It is truly unpleasant, on rubbing your eyes and opening your ears, to + discover that the great bell is ringing the half-hour before your + quarterly examination at college, while Locke, Lloyd, and Lucian are + dancing a reel through your brain, little short of madness; scarcely less + agreeable is it, to learn that your friend Captain Wildfire is at the door + in his cab, to accompany you to the Phoenix, to stand within twelve paces + of a cool gentleman who has been sitting with his arm in Eau de Cologne + for the last half-hour, that he may pick you out "artist-like." There are, + besides these, innumerable situations in which our preparations of the + night would appear, as none of the wisest; but I prefer going at once to + my own, which, although considerably inferior in difficulty, was not + without its own "desagremens." + </p> + <p> + When I awoke, therefore, on board the "Fire-fly," the morning after our + dinner-party, I was perfectly unable, by any mental process within my + reach, to discover where I was. On ship-board I felt I must be—the + narrow berth—the gilded and panelled cabin which met my eye, through + my half-open curtains, and that peculiar swelling motion inseparable from + a vessel in the water, all satisfied me of this fact. I looked about me, + but could see no one to give me the least idea of my position. Could it be + that we were on our way out to Corfu, and that I had been ill for some + time past? + </p> + <p> + But this cabin had little resemblance to a transport; perhaps it might be + a frigate—I knew not. Then again, were we sailing, or at anchor, for + the ship was nearly motionless; at this instant a tremendous noise like + thunder crashed through my head, and for a moment I expected we had + exploded, and would be all blown up; but an instant after I discovered it + must be the escape of the steam, and that I was on board a packet ship. + Here, then, was some clue to my situation, and one which would probably + have elicited all in due season; but just at this moment a voice on deck + saved me from any further calculations. Two persons were conversing whose + voices were not altogether unknown to me, but why I knew not. + </p> + <p> + "Then, Captain, I suppose you consider this as an excellent passage." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, of course I do," replied the captain, "it's only five hours since we + left Howth, and now you see we are nearly in; if we have this run of the + tide we shall reach the Head before twelve o'clock." + </p> + <p> + "Ha! ha!" said I to myself, "now I begin to learn something. So we have + crossed the channel while I was sleeping—not the least agreeable + thing for a man to hear who suffers martyrdom from sea sickness—but + let me listen again." + </p> + <p> + "And that large mountain there—is that Snowdon?" + </p> + <p> + "No. You cannot see Snowdon; there is too much mist about it; that + mountain is Capel Carrig; and there that bold bluff to the eastward, that + is Penmen Mawr." + </p> + <p> + "Come, there is no time to be lost," thought I; so springing out of my + berth, accoutred as I was, in merely trowsers and slippers, with a red + handkerchief fastened night-cap fashion round my head, I took my way + through the cabin. + </p> + <p> + My first thought on getting upon my legs was how tremendously the vessel + pitched, which I had not remarked while in my berth, but now I could + scarce keep myself from falling at every step. I was just about to call + the steward, when I again heard the voices on deck. + </p> + <p> + "You have but few passengers this trip." + </p> + <p> + "I think only yourself and a Captain Lorrequer," replied the captain, + "who, by-the-by, is losing all this fine coast, which is certainly a great + pity." + </p> + <p> + "He shall not do so much longer," thought I; "for as I find that there are + no other passengers, I'll make my toilet on deck, and enjoy the view + besides." With this determination I ascended slowly and cautiously the + companion ladder, and stepped out upon the deck; but scarcely had I done + so, when a roar of the loudest laughter made me turn my head towards the + poop, and there to my horror of horrors, I beheld Tom O'Flaherty seated + between two ladies, whose most vociferous mirth I soon perceived was + elicited at my expense. + </p> + <p> + All the party of the preceding night were also there, and as I turned from + their grinning faces to the land, I saw, to my shame and confusion, that + we were still lying beside the pier at Howth; while the band-boxes, + trunks, and imperials of new arrivals were incessantly pouring in, as + travelling carriages kept driving up to the place of embarkation. I stood + perfectly astounded and bewildered—shame for my ridiculous costume + would have made me fly at any other time—but there I remained to be + laughed at patiently, while that villain O'Flaherty leading me passively + forward, introduced me to his friends—"Mrs. Bingham, Mr. Lorrequer; + Mr. Lorrequer, Miss Bingham. Don't be prepossessed against him, ladies, + for when not in love, and properly dressed, he is a marvellously + well-looking young gentleman; and as—" + </p> + <p> + What the remainder of the sentence might be, I knew not, for I rushed down + into the cabin, and locking the door, never opened it till I could + perceive from the stern windows that we were really off on our way to + England, and recognized once more the laughing face of O'Flaherty, who, as + he waved his hat to his friends from the pier, reminded them that "they + were under the care and protection of his friend Lorrequer, who, he + trusted, would condescend to increase his wearing apparel under the + circumstances." + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch22" id="ch22"></a>CHAPTER XXII. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + THE JOURNEY. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + <a name="The_Passport_Office" id="The_Passport_Office">The PassportOffice</a> + </h3> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%;"> + <img alt="Ch 22 The Passport Office.jpg (70K)" + src="images/Ch%2022%20%20The%20Passport%20Office.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <a href="images2/Ch%2022%20%20The%20Passport%20Office.jpg">BLACK AND WHITE + IMAGE</a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + When I did at last venture upon deck, it was with a costume studiously + accurate, and as much of manner as I could possibly muster, to endeavour + at once to erase the unfortunate impression of my first appearance; this, + however, was not destined to be a perfectly successful manoeuvre, and I + was obliged after a few minutes to join the laugh, which I found could not + be repressed, at my expense. One good result certainly followed from all + this. I became almost immediately on intimate terms with Mrs. Bingham and + her daughter, and much of the awkwardness in my position as their + chaperon, which bon gre, mal gre I was destined to be, was at once got + over. Mrs. Bingham herself was of that "genre" of widow which comes under + the "fat, fair, and forty" category, with a never-ceasing flow of high, + almost boisterous, spirits—an excellent temper, good health—and + a well-stocked purse. Life to her was like a game of her favourite + "speculation." When, as she believed, the "company honest," and knew her + cards trumps, she was tolerably easy for the result. She liked Kingstown—she + liked short whist—she liked the military—she liked "the junior + bar," of which she knew a good number—she had a well furnished house + in Kildare-street—and a well cushioned pew in St. Anne's—she + was a favourite at the castle—and Dr. Labatt "knew her + constitution." Why, with all these advantages, she should ever have + thought of leaving the "happy valley" of her native city, it was somewhat + hard to guess. Was it that thoughts of matrimony, which the continent held + out more prospect for, had invaded the fair widow's heart? was it that the + altered condition to which politics had greatly reduced Dublin, had + effected this change of opinion? or was it like that indescribable longing + for the unknown something, which we read of in the pathetic history of the + fair lady celebrated, I believe, by Petrarch, but I quote from memory: + </p> + <table summary=""> + <tr> + <td> + "Mrs. Gill is very ill,<br /> Nothing can improve her,<br /> But to see + the Tuillerie,<br /> And waddle through the Louvre."<br /> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + <p> + None of these, I believe, however good and valid reasons in themselves, + were the moving powers upon the present occasion; the all-sufficient one + being that Mrs. Bingham had a daughter. Now Miss Bingham was Dublin too + —but Dublin of a later edition—and a finer, more hot-pressed + copy than her mamma. She had been educated at Mrs. Somebody's seminary in + Mountjoy-square—had been taught to dance by Montague—and had + learned French from a Swiss governess—with a number of similar + advantages—a very pretty figure—dark eyes—long + eye-lashes and a dimple—and last, but of course least, the deserved + reputation of a large fortune. She had made a most successful debut in the + Dublin world, where she was much admired and flattered, and which soon + suggested to her quick mind, as it has often done in similar cases to a + young provincial debutante, not to waste her "fraicheur" upon the minor + theatres, but at once to appear upon the "great boards;" so far evidencing + a higher flight of imagination and enterprise than is usually found among + the clique of her early associates, who may be characterized as that + school of young ladies, who like the "Corsair" and Dunleary, and say, "ah + don't!" + </p> + <p> + She possessed much more common sense than her mamma, and promised under + proper advantages to become speedily quite sufficiently acquainted with + the world and its habitudes. In the meanwhile, I perceived that she ran a + very considerable risque of being carried off by some mustachoed Pole, + with a name like a sneeze, who might pretend to enjoy the entree into the + fashionable circles of the continent. + </p> + <p> + Very little study of my two fair friends enabled me to see thus much; and + very little "usage" sufficed to render me speedily intimate with both; the + easy bonhommie of the mamma, who had a very methodistical appreciation of + what the "connexion" call "creature comforts," amused me much, and opened + one ready path to her good graces by the opportunity afforded of getting + up a luncheon of veal cutlets and London porter, of which I partook, not a + little to the evident loss of the fair daughter's esteem. + </p> + <p> + While, therefore, I made the tour of the steward's cell in search of + Harvey's sauce, I brushed up my memory of the Corsair and Childe Harold, + and alternately discussed Stilton and Southey, Lover and lobsters, Haynes + Bayley and ham. + </p> + <p> + The day happened to be particularly calm and delightful, so that we never + left the deck; and the six hours which brought us from land to land, + quickly passed over in this manner; and ere we reached "the Head," I had + become the warm friend and legal adviser of the mother; and with the + daughter I was installed as chief confidant of all her griefs and sorrows, + both of which appointments cost me a solemn promise to take care of them + till their arrival in Paris, where they had many friends and acquaintances + awaiting them. Here, then, as usual, was the invincible facility with + which I gave myself up to any one who took the trouble to influence me. + One thing, nevertheless, I was determined on, to let no circumstance defer + my arrival at Paris a day later than was possible: therefore, though my + office as chaperon might diminish my comforts en route, it should not + interfere with the object before me. Had my mind not been so completely + engaged with my own immediate prospects, when hope suddenly and + unexpectedly revived, had become so tinged with fears and doubts as to be + almost torture, I must have been much amused with my present position, as + I found myself seated with my two fair friends, rolling along through + Wales in their comfortable travelling carriage—giving all the orders + at the different hotels—seeing after the luggage —and acting + en maitre in every respect. + </p> + <p> + The good widow enjoyed particularly the difficulty which my precise + position, with regard to her and her daughter, threw the different + innkeepers on the road into, sometimes supposing me to be her husband, + sometimes her son, and once her son-in-law; which very alarming conjecture + brought a crimson tinge to the fair daughter's cheek, an expression, + which, in my ignorance, I thought looked very like an inclination to faint + in my arms. + </p> + <p> + At length we reached London, and having been there safely installed at + "Mivart's," I sallied forth to present my letter to the Horse Guards, and + obtain our passport for the continent. + </p> + <p> + "Number nine, Poland-street, sir" said the waiter, as I inquired the + address of the French Consul. Having discovered that my interview with the + commander-in-chief was appointed for four o'clock, I determined to lose no + time, but make every possible arrangement for leaving London in the + morning. + </p> + <p> + A cab quietly conveyed me to the door of the Consul, around which stood + several other vehicles, of every shape and fashion, while in the doorway + were to be seen numbers of people, thronging and pressing, like the Opera + pit on a full night. Into the midst of this assemblage I soon thrust + myself, and, borne upon the current, at length reached a small back + parlour, filled also with people; a door opening into another small room + in the front, showed a similar mob there, with the addition of a small + elderly man, in a bag wig and spectacles, very much begrimed with snuff, + and speaking in a very choleric tone to the various applicants for + passports, who, totally ignorant of French, insisted upon interlarding + their demands with an occasional stray phrase, making a kind of tesselated + pavement of tongues, which would have shamed Babel. Nearest to the table + at which the functionary sat, stood a mustachoed gentleman, in a blue + frock and white trowsers, a white hat jauntily set upon one side of his + head, and primrose gloves. He cast a momentary glance of a very + undervaluing import upon the crowd around him, and then, turning to the + Consul, said in a very soprano tone— + </p> + <p> + "Passport, monsieur!" + </p> + <p> + "Que voulez vous que je fasse," replied the old Frenchman, gruffly. + </p> + <p> + "Je suis j'ai—that is, donnez moi passport." + </p> + <p> + "Where do you go?" replied the Consul. + </p> + <p> + "Calai." + </p> + <p> + "Comment diable, speak Inglis, an I understan' you as besser. Your name?" + </p> + <p> + "Lorraine Snaggs, gentilhomme." + </p> + <p> + "What age have you?—how old?" + </p> + <p> + "Twenty-two." + </p> + <p> + "C'est ca," said the old consul, flinging the passport across the table, + with the air of a man who thoroughly comprehended the applicant's + pretension to the designation of gentilhomme Anglais. + </p> + <p> + "Will you be seated ma'mselle?" said the polite old Frenchman, who had + hitherto been more like a bear than a human being—"Ou allez vous + donc; where to, ma chere?" + </p> + <p> + "To Paris, sir." + </p> + <p> + "By Calais?" + </p> + <p> + "No, sir; by Boulogne"— + </p> + <p> + "C'est bon; quel age avez vous. What old, ma belle?" + </p> + <p> + "Nineteen, sir, in June." + </p> + <p> + "And are you alone, quite, eh?" + </p> + <p> + "No, sir, my little girl." + </p> + <p> + "Ah! your leetel girl—c'est fort bien—je m'appercois; and your + name?" + </p> + <p> + "Fanny Linwood, sir." + </p> + <p> + "C'est fini, ma chere, Mademoiselle Fanni Linwood," said the old man, as + he wrote down the name. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, sir, I beg your pardon, but you have put me down Mademoiselle, and— + and—you see, sir, I have my little girl." + </p> + <p> + "A c'est egal, mam'selle, they don't mind these things in France—au + plaisir de vous voir. Adieu." + </p> + <p> + "They don't mind these things in France," said I to myself, repeating the + old consul's phrase, which I could not help feeling as a whole chapter on + his nation. + </p> + <p> + My business was soon settled, for I spoke nothing but English—very + little knowledge of the world teaching me that when we have any favour, + however slight, to ask, it is always good policy to make the amende by + gratifying the amour propre of the granter—if, happily, there be an + opportunity for so doing. + </p> + <p> + When I returned to Mivart's, I found a written answer to my letter of the + morning, stating that his lordship of the Horse Guards was leaving town + that afternoon, but would not delay my departure for the continent, to + visit which a four month's leave was granted me, with a recommendation to + study at Weimar. + </p> + <p> + The next day brought us to Dover, in time to stroll about the cliffs + during the evening, when I again talked sentiment with the daughter till + very late. The Madame herself was too tired to come out, so that we had + our walk quite alone. It is strange enough how quickly this travelling + together has shaken us into intimacy. Isabella says she feels as if I were + her brother; and I begin to think myself she is not exactly like a sister. + She has a marvellously pretty foot and ancle. + </p> + <p> + The climbing of cliffs is a very dangerous pastime. How true the French + adage—"C'est plus facile de glisser sur la gazon que sur la glace." + But still nothing can come of it; for if Lady Jane be not false, I must + consider myself an engaged man. + </p> + <p> + "Well, but I hope," said I, rousing myself from a reverie of some minutes, + and inadvertently pressing the arm which leaned upon me—"your mamma + will not be alarmed at our long absence?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh! not in the least; for she knows I'm with you." + </p> + <p> + And here I felt a return of the pressure—perhaps also inadvertently + given, but which, whether or not, effectually set all my reasonings and + calculations astray; and we returned to the hotel, silent on both sides. + </p> + <p> + The appearance of la chere mamma beside the hissing tea-urn brought us + both back to ourselves; and, after an hour's chatting, we wished good + night, to start on the morrow for the continent. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch23" id="ch23"></a>CHAPTER XXIII. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + CALAIS. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + It was upon a lovely evening in autumn, as the Dover steam-boat rounded + the wooden pier at Calais, amid a fleet of small boats filled with eager + and anxious faces, soliciting, in every species of bad English and + "patois" [vulgar] French, the attention and patronage of the passengers. + </p> + <p> + "Hotel de Bain, mi lor'." + </p> + <p> + "Hotel d'Angleterre," said another, in a voice of the most imposing + superiority. "C'est superbe—pretty well." + </p> + <p> + "Hotel du Nord, votre Excellence—remise de poste and 'delays' (quere + relays) at all hours." + </p> + <p> + "Commissionaire, mi ladi," sung out a small shrill treble from the midst + of a crowded cock-boat, nearly swamped beneath our paddle-wheel. + </p> + <p> + What a scene of bustle, confusion, and excitement does the deck of a + steamer present upon such an occasion. Every one is running hither or + thither. "Sauve qui peut" is now the watch-word; and friendships, that + promised a life-long endurance only half an hour ago, find here a speedy + dissolution. The lady who slept all night upon deck, enveloped in the + folds of your Astracan cloak, scarcely deigns an acknowledgment of you, as + she adjusts her ringlets before the looking-glass over the stove in the + cabin. The polite gentleman, that would have flown for a reticule or a + smelling-bottle upon the high seas, won't leave his luggage in the + harbour; and the gallantry and devotion that stood the test of half a gale + of wind and a wet jacket, is not proof when the safety of a carpet-bag or + the security of a "Mackintosh" is concerned. + </p> + <p> + And thus here, as elsewhere, is prosperity the touchstone of good feeling. + All the various disguises which have been assumed, per viaggio, are here + immediately abandoned, and, stripped of the travelling costume of urbanity + and courtesy, which they put on for the voyage, they stand forth in all + the unblushing front of selfishness and self-interest. + </p> + <p> + Some tender scenes yet find their place amid the debris of this chaotic + state. Here may be seen a careful mother adjusting innumerable shawls and + handkerchiefs round the throat of a sea-green young lady with a cough; her + maid is at the same instant taking a tender farewell of the steward in the + after-cabin. + </p> + <p> + Here is a very red-faced and hot individual, with punch-coloured breeches + and gaiters, disputing "one brandy too much" in his bill, and vowing that + the company shall hear of it when he returns to England. There, a tall, + elderly woman, with a Scotch-grey eye, and a sharp cheek-bone, is + depositing within her muff various seizable articles, that, until now, had + been lying quietly in her trunk. Yonder, that raw-looking young gentleman, + with the crumpled frock-coat, and loose cravat, and sea-sick visage, is + asking every one "if they think he may land without a passport." You + scarcely recognise him for the cigar-smoking dandy of yesterday, that + talked as if he had lived half his life on the continent. While there, a + rather pretty girl is looking intently at some object in the blue water, + beside the rudder post. You are surprised you cannot make it out; but + then, she has the advantage of you, for the tall, well-looking man, with + the knowing whiskers, is evidently whispering something in her ear. + </p> + <p> + "Steward, this is not my trunk—mine was a leather—" + </p> + <p> + "All the 'leathers' are gone in the first boat, sir." + </p> + <p> + "Most scandalous way of doing business." + </p> + <p> + "Trouble you for two-and-sixpence, sir." + </p> + <p> + "There's Matilda coughing again," says a thin, shrewish woman, with a kind + of triumphant scowl at her better half; "but you would have her wear that + thin shawl!" + </p> + <p> + "Whatever may be the fault of the shawl, I fancy no one will reproach her + ancles for thinness," murmurs a young Guard's man, as he peeps up the + companion-ladder. + </p> + <p> + Amid all the Babel of tongues, and uproar of voices, the thorough bass of + the escape steam keeps up its infernal thunders, till the very brain + reels, and, sick as you have been of the voyage, you half wish yourself + once more at sea, if only to have a moment of peace and tranquillity. + </p> + <p> + Numbers now throng the deck who have never made their appearance before. + Pale, jaundiced, and crumpled, they have all the sea-sick look and haggard + cheek of the real martyr—all except one, a stout, swarthy, + brown-visaged man, of about forty, with a frame of iron, and a voice like + the fourth string of a violincello. You wonder why he should have taken to + his bed: learn, then, that he is his Majesty's courier from the foreign + office, going with despatches to Constantinople, and that as he is not + destined to lie down in a bed for the next fourteen days, he is glad even + of the narrow resemblance to one, he finds in the berth of a steam-boat. + At length you are on shore, and marched off in a long string, like a gang + of convicts to the Bureau de l'octroi, and here is begun an examination of + the luggage, which promises, from its minuteness, to last for the three + months you destined to spend in Switzerland. At the end of an hour you + discover that the soi disant commissionaire will transact all this affair + for a few francs; and, after a tiresome wait in a filthy room, jostled, + elbowed, and trampled upon, by boors with sabots, you adjourn to your inn, + and begin to feel that you are not in England. + </p> + <p> + Our little party had but few of the miseries here recounted to contend + with. My "savoir faire," with all modesty be it spoken, has been long + schooled in the art and practice of travelling; and while our less + experienced fellow-travellers were deep in the novel mysteries of cotton + stockings and petticoats, most ostentatiously displayed upon every table + of the Bureau, we were comfortably seated in the handsome saloon of the + Hotel du Nord, looking out upon a pretty grass plot, surrounded with + orange trees, and displaying in the middle a jet d'eau about the size of a + walking stick. + </p> + <p> + "Now, Mr. Lorrequer," said Mrs. Bingham, as she seated herself by the open + window, "never forget how totally dependent we are upon your kind offices. + Isabella has discovered already that the French of Mountjoy-square, + however intelligible in that neighbourhood, and even as far as + Mount-street, is Coptic and Sanscrit here; and as for myself, I intend to + affect deaf and dumbness till I reach Paris, where I hear every one can + speak English a little." + </p> + <p> + "Now, then, to begin my functions," said I, as I rung for the waiter, and + ran over in my mind rapidly how many invaluable hints for my new position + my present trip might afford me, "always provided" (as the lawyers say,) + that Lady Jane Callonby might feel herself tempted to become my travelling + companion, in which case—But, confound it, how I am castle-building + again. Meanwhile, Mrs. Bingham is looking as hungry and famished as though + she would eat the waiter. Ha! this is the "carte." + </p> + <p> + "Allons faire petit souper." + </p> + <p> + "Cotelettes d'Agneau." + </p> + <p> + "Maionnaise d'homard." + </p> + <p> + "Perdreaux rouges aux truffes—mark that, aux truffes." + </p> + <p> + "Gelee au maraschin." + </p> + <p> + "And the wine, sir," said the waiter, with a look of approval at my + selection, "Champagne—no other wine, sir?" + </p> + <p> + "No," said I, "Champagne only. Frappe de glace, of course," I added, and + the waiter departed with a bow that would have graced St. James's. + </p> + <p> + As long as our immaterial and better part shall be doomed to keep company + with its fleshy tabernacle, with all its attendant miseries of gout and + indigestion, how much of our enjoyment in this world is dependent upon the + mere accessory circumstances by which the business of life is carried on + and maintained, and to despise which is neither good policy nor sound + philosophy. In this conclusion a somewhat long experience of the life of a + traveller has fully established me. And no where does it press more + forcibly upon the mind than when first arrived in a continental inn, after + leaving the best hotels of England still fresh in your memory. I do not + for a moment dispute the very great superiority in comfort of the latter, + by which I would be understood to mean all those resemblances to one's own + home which an English hotel so eminently possesses, and every other one so + markedly wants; but I mean that in contrivances to elevate the spirit, + cheer the jaded and tired wayfarer by objects which, however they may + appeal to the mere senses, seem, at least, but little sensual, give me a + foreign inn; let me have a large spacious saloon, with its lofty walls and + its airy, large-paned windows, (I shall not object if the cornices and + mouldings be gilded, because such is usually the case,)—let the sun + and heat of a summer's day come tempered through the deep lattices of a + well-fitting "jalousie," bearing upon them the rich incense of a fragrant + orange tree in blossom—and the sparkling drops of a neighbouring + fountain, the gentle plash of which is faintly audible amid the hum of the + drone-bee—let such be the "agremens" without—while within, let + the more substantial joys of the table await, in such guise as only a + French cuisine can present them—give me these, I say, and I shall + never sigh for the far-famed and long-deplored comforts of a box in a + coffee-room, like a pew in a parish church, though certainly not so well + cushioned, and fully as dull, with a hot waiter and a cold beefsteak—the + only thing higher than your game being your bill, and the only thing less + drinkable than your port being the porter. + </p> + <p> + With such exotic notions, figures vous, my dear reader, whether or not I + felt happy as I found myself seated between my two fair friends doing the + honours of a little supper, and assisting the exhilaration of our + champagne by such efforts of wit as, under favourable circumstances like + these, are ever successful—and which, being like the foaming liquid + which washes them down, to be swallowed without waiting, are ever esteemed + good, from the excitement that results, and never seriously canvassed for + any more sterling merit. Nothing ever makes a man so agreeable as the + belief that he is so: and certainly my fair companions appeared to have + the most excellent idea of my powers in that respect; and I fancy, that I + made more bon mots, hit off more epigrams, and invented more choice + incidents on that happy evening, than, if now remembered, would suffice to + pay my tailor's bill, when collated for Bentley's Miscellany, and + illustrated by Cruikshank—alas! that, like the good liquor that + seasoned them, both are gone by, and I am left but to chronicle their + memory of the fun, in dulness, and counterfeit the effervescence of the + grape juice, by soda water. One thing, however, is certain—we formed + a most agreeable party; and if a feeling of gloom ever momentarily shot + through my mind, it was, that evenings like these came so rarely in this + work-a-day world—that each such should be looked on, as our last. + </p> + <p> + If I had not already shown myself up to my reader as a garcon volage of + the first water, perhaps I should now hesitate about confessing that I + half regretted the short space during which it should be my privilege to + act as the guide and mentor of my two friends. The impetuous haste which I + before felt necessary to exercise in reaching Paris immediately, was not + tempered by prudent thoughts about travelling at night, and reflections + about sun-stroke by day; and even moments most devoted to the object of my + heart's aspirations were fettered by the very philosophic idea, that it + could never detract from the pleasure of the happiness that awaited me, if + I travelled on the primrose path to its attainment. I argued thus: if Lady + Jane be true—if—if, in a word, I am destined to have any + success in the Callonby family, then will a day or two more not risk it. + My present friends I shall, of course, take leave of at Paris, where their + own acquaintances await them; and, on the other hand, should I be doomed + once more to disappointment, I am equally certain I should feel no + disposition to form a new attachment. Thus did I reason, and thus I + believed; and though I was a kind of consultation opinion among my friends + in "suits of love," I was really then unaware that at no time is a man so + prone to fall in love as immediately after his being jilted. If common + sense will teach us not to dance a bolero upon a sprained ancle, so might + it also convey the equally important lesson, not to expose our more vital + and inflammatory organ to the fire the day after its being singed. + </p> + <p> + Reflections like these did not occur to me at this moment; besides that I + was "going the pace" with a forty-horse power of agreeability that left me + little time for thought—least of all, if serious. So stood matters. + I had just filled our tall slender glasses with the creaming and + "petillan" source of wit and inspiration, when the loud crack, crack, + crack of a postillion's whip, accompanied by the shaking trot of a heavy + team, and the roll of wheels, announced a new arrival. "Here they come," + said I, "only look at them—four horses and one postillion, all + apparently straggling and straying after their own fancy, but yet going + surprisingly straight notwithstanding. See how they come through that + narrow archway—it might puzzle the best four-in-hand in England to + do it better." + </p> + <p> + "What a handsome young man, if he had not those odious moustaches. Why, + Mr. Lorrequer, he knows you: see, he is bowing to you." + </p> + <p> + "Me! Oh! no. Why, surely, it must be—the devil—it is Kilkee, + Lady Jane's brother. I know his temper well. One five minutes' observation + of my present intimacy with my fair friends, and adieu to all hopes for me + of calling Lord Callonby my father-in-law. There is not therefore, a + moment to lose." + </p> + <p> + As these thoughts revolved through my mind, the confusion I felt had + covered my face with scarlet; and, with a species of blundering apology + for abruptly leaving them for a moment, I ran down stairs only in time + sufficient to anticipate Kilkee's questions as to the number of my + apartments, to which he was desirous of proceeding at once. Our first + greetings over, Kilkee questioned me as to my route—adding, that his + now was necessarily an undecided one, for if his family happened not to be + at Paris, he should be obliged to seek after them among the German + watering-places. "In any case, Mr. Lorrequer," said he, "we shall hunt + them in couples. I must insist upon your coming along with me." + </p> + <p> + "Oh! that," said I, "you must not think of. Your carriage is a coupe, and + I cannot think of crowding you." + </p> + <p> + "Why, you don't seriously want to affront me, I hope, for I flatter myself + that a more perfect carriage for two people cannot be built. Hobson made + it on a plan of my own, and I am excessively proud of it, I assure you. + Come, that matter is decided—now for supper. Are there many English + here just now?—By-the-by, those new 'natives' I think I saw you + standing with on the balcony—who are they?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh! the ladies—oh! Yes, people I came over with—" + </p> + <p> + "One was pretty, I fancied. Have you supped? Just order something, will + you—meanwhile, I shall write a few lines before the post leaves."—Saying + which, he dashed up stairs after the waiter, and left me to my + meditations. + </p> + <p> + "This begins to be pleasant," thought I, as the door closed, leaving me + alone in the "salon." In circumstances of such moment, I had never felt so + nonplussed as now, how to decline Kilkee's invitation, without discovering + my intimacy with the Binghams—and yet I could not, by any + possibility, desert them thus abruptly. Such was the dilemma. "I see but + one thing for it," said I, gloomily, as I strode through the coffee-room, + with my head sunk and my hands behind my back—"I see but one thing + left—I must be taken ill to-night, and not be able to leave my bed + in the morning—a fever—a contagious fever—blue and red + spots all over me—and be raving wildly before breakfast time; and if + ever any discovery takes place of my intimacy above stairs, I must only + establish it as a premonitory symptom of insanity, which seized me in the + packet. And now for a doctor that will understand my case, and listen to + reason, as they would call it in Ireland." With this idea uppermost, I + walked out into the court-yard to look for a commissionaire to guide me in + my search. Around on every side of me stood the various carriages and + voitures of the hotel and its inmates, to the full as distinctive and + peculiar in character as their owners. "Ah! there is Kilkee's," said I, as + my eye lighted upon the well-balanced and elegant little carriage which he + had been only with justice encomiumizing. "It is certainly perfect, and + yet I'd give a handful of louis-d'ors it was like that venerable cabriolet + yonder, with the one wheel and no shafts. But, alas! these springs give + little hope of a break down, and that confounded axle will outlive the + patentee. But still, can nothing be done?—eh? Come, the thought is a + good one—I say, garcon, who greases the wheels of the carriage + here?" + </p> + <p> + "C'est moi, monsieur," said a great oaf, in wooden shoes and a blouse. + </p> + <p> + "Well, then, do you understand these?" said I, touching the patent + axle-boxes with my cane. + </p> + <p> + He shook his head. + </p> + <p> + "Then who does, here?" + </p> + <p> + "Ah! Michael understands them perfectly." + </p> + <p> + "Then bring him here," said I. + </p> + <p> + In a few minutes, a little shrewd old fellow, with a smith's apron, made + his appearance, and introduced himself as M. Michael. I had not much + difficulty in making him master of my plan, which was, to detach one of + the wheels as if for the purpose of oiling the axle, and afterwards render + it incapable of being replaced—at least for twenty-four hours. + </p> + <p> + "This is my idea," said I; "nevertheless, do not be influenced by me. All + I ask is, disable the carriage from proceeding to-morrow, and here are + three louis-d'ors at your service." + </p> + <p> + "Soyez bien tranquille, monsieur, mi lor' shall spend to-morrow in Calais, + if I know any thing of my art"—saying which he set out in search of + his tools, while I returned to the salon with my mind relieved, and fully + prepared to press the urgency of my reaching Paris without any delay. + </p> + <p> + "Well, Mr. Lorrequer," said Kilkee, as I entered, "here is supper waiting, + and I am as hungry as a wolf." + </p> + <p> + "Oh! I beg pardon—I've been getting every thing in readiness for our + start to-morrow morning, for I have not told you how anxious I am to get + to Paris before the 8th—some family business, which requires my + looking after, compelling me to do so." + </p> + <p> + "As to that, let your mind be at rest, for I shall travel to-morrow night + if you prefer it. Now for the Volnay. Why you are not drinking your wine. + What do you say to our paying our respects to the fair ladies above + stairs? I am sure the petits soins you have practised coming over would + permit the liberty." + </p> + <p> + "Oh! hang it, no. There's neither of them pretty, and I should rather + avoid the risk of making a regular acquaintance with them" said I. + </p> + <p> + "As you like, then—only, as you'll not take any wine, let us have a + stroll through the town." + </p> + <p> + After a short stroll through the town, in which Kilkee talked the entire + time, but of what I know not, my thoughts being upon my own immediate + concerns, we returned to the hotel. As we entered the porte-couchere, my + friend Michael passed me, and as he took off his hat in salutation, gave + me one rapid glance of his knowing eye that completely satisfied me that + Hobson's pride in my friend's carriage had by that time received quite + sufficient provocation to throw him into an apoplexy. + </p> + <p> + "By-the-by," said I, "let us see your carriage. I am curious to look at + it"—(and so I was.) + </p> + <p> + "Well, then come along, this way; they have placed it under some of these + sheds, which they think coach-houses." + </p> + <p> + I followed my friend through the court till we arrived near the fatal + spot; but before reaching, he had caught a glimpse of the mischief, and + shouted out a most awful imprecation upon the author of the deed which met + his eye. The fore-wheel of the coupe had been taken from the axle, and in + the difficulty of so doing, from the excellence of the workmanship, two of + the spokes were broken—the patent box was a mass of rent metal, and + the end of the axle turned downwards like a hoe. + </p> + <p> + I cannot convey any idea of poor Kilkee's distraction; and, in reality, my + own was little short of it; for the wretch had so far out-stripped my + orders, that I became horrified at the cruel destruction before me. We + both, therefore, stormed in the most imposing English and French, first + separately and then together. We offered a reward for the apprehension of + the culprit, whom no one appeared to know, although, as it happened, every + one in a large household was aware of the transaction but the proprietor + himself. We abused all—innkeeper, waiters, ostlers, and + chambermaids, collectively and individually—condemned Calais as a + den of iniquity, and branded all Frenchmen as rogues and vagabonds. This + seemed to alleviate considerably my friend's grief, and excite my thirst—fortunately, + perhaps for us; for if our eloquence had held out much longer, I am afraid + our auditory might have lost their patience; and, indeed, I am quite + certain if our French had not been in nearly as disjointed a condition as + the spokes of the caleche, such must have been the case. + </p> + <p> + "Well, Mr. Lorrequer, I suppose, then, we are not destined to be + fellow-travellers—for if you must go to-morrow—" + </p> + <p> + "Alas! It is imperative," said I. + </p> + <p> + "Then in any case, let us arrange where we shall meet, for I hope to be in + Paris the day after you." + </p> + <p> + "I'll stop at Meurice." + </p> + <p> + "Meurice, be it," said he, "so now good night, till we meet in Paris." + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch24" id="ch24"></a>CHAPTER XXIV. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + THE GEN D'ARME. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + I had fortunately sufficient influence upon my fair friends to persuade + them to leave Calais early on the morning following; and two hours before + Kilkee had opened his eyes upon this mortal life, we were far upon the + road to Paris. + </p> + <p> + Having thus far perfectly succeeded in my plot, my spirit rose rapidly, + and I made every exertion to make the road appear short to my + fellow-travellers. This part of France is unfortunately deficient in any + interest from scenery; large undivided tracts of waving cornfields, with a + back-ground of apparently interminable forests, and occasionally, but + rarely, the glimpse of some old time-worn chateau, with its pointed gable + and terraced walk, are nearly all that the eye can detect in the intervals + between the small towns and villages. Nothing, however, is "flat or + unprofitable" to those who desire to make it otherwise; good health, good + spirits, and fine weather, are wonderful travelling companions, and render + one tolerably independent of the charms of scenery. Every mile that + separated me from Calais, and took away the chance of being overtaken, + added to my gaiety, and I flatter myself that a happier party have rarely + travelled that well frequented road. + </p> + <p> + We reached Abbeville to dinner, and adjourned to the beautiful little + garden of the inn for our coffee; the evening was so delightful that I + proposed to walk on the Paris road, until the coming up of the carriage, + which required a screw, or a washer, or some such trifle as always occurs + in French posting. To this la chere mamma objected, she being tired, but + added, that Isabella and I might go on, and that she would take us up in + half an hour. This was an arrangement so very agreeable and unlooked for + by me, that I pressed Miss Bingham as far as I well could, and at last + succeeded in overcoming her scruples, and permitting me to shawl her. One + has always a tremendous power of argument with the uninitiated abroad, by + a reference to a standard of manners and habits totally different from our + own. Thus the talismanic words—"Oh! don't be shocked; remember you + are in France," did more to satisfy my young friend's mind than all I + could have said for an hour. Little did she know that in England only, has + an unmarried young lady any liberty, and that the standard of foreign + propriety on this head is far, very far more rigid than our own. + </p> + <p> + "La premiere Rue a gauche," said an old man of whom I inquired the road; + "et puis," added I. + </p> + <p> + "And then quite straight; it is a chaussee all the way, and you cannot + mistake it." + </p> + <p> + "Now for it, mademoiselle," said I. "Let us try if we cannot see a good + deal of the country before the carriage comes up." + </p> + <p> + We had soon left the town behind and reached a beautifully shaded high + road, with blossoming fruit trees, and honeysuckle-covered cottages; there + had been several light showers during the day, and the air had all the + fresh fragrant feeling of an autumn evening, so tranquillizing and calming + that few there are who have not felt at some time or other of their lives, + its influence upon their minds. I fancied my fair companion did so, for, + as she walked beside me, her silence, and the gentle pressure of her arm, + were far more eloquent than words. + </p> + <p> + If that extraordinary flutter and flurry of sensations which will now and + then seize you, when walking upon a lonely country road with a pretty girl + for your companion, whose arm is linked in yours, and whose thoughts, as + far you can guess at least, are travelling the same path with your own—if + this be animal magnetism, or one of its phenomena, then do I swear by + Mesmer, whatever it be, delusion or otherwise, it has given me the + brightest moments of my life—these are the real "winged dreams" of + pleasures which outlive others of more absorbing and actual interest at + the time. After all, for how many of our happiest feelings are we indebted + to the weakness of our nature. The man that is wise at nineteen, "Je l'en + fais mon compliment," but I assuredly do not envy him; and now, even now, + when I number more years than I should like to "confess," rather than + suffer the suspicious watchfulness of age to creep on me, I prefer to "go + on believing," even though every hour of the day should show me, duped and + deceived. While I plead guilty to this impeachment, let me show + mitigation, that it has its enjoyments—first, although I am the most + constant and devoted man breathing, as a very cursory glance at these + confessions may prove, yet I have never been able to restrain myself from + a propensity to make love, merely as a pastime. The gambler that sits down + to play cards, or hazard against himself, may perhaps be the only person + that can comprehend this tendency of mine. We both of us are playing for + nothing (or love, which I suppose is synonymous;) we neither of us put + forth our strength; for that very reason, and in fact like the waiter at + Vauxhall who was complimented upon the dexterity with which he poured out + the lemonade, and confessed that he spent his mornings "practising with + vater," we pass a considerable portion of our lives in a mimic warfare, + which, if it seem unprofitable, is, nevertheless, pleasant. + </p> + <p> + After all this long tirade, need I say how our walk proceeded? We had + fallen into a kind of discussion upon the singular intimacy which had so + rapidly grown up amongst us, and which years long might have failed to + engender. Our attempts to analyse the reasons for, and the nature of the + friendship thus so suddenly established—a rather dangerous and + difficult topic, when the parties are both young—one eminently + handsome, and the other disposed to be most agreeable. Oh, my dear young + friends of either sex, whatever your feelings be for one another, keep + them to yourselves; I know of nothing half so hazardous as that "comparing + of notes" which sometimes happens. Analysis is a beautiful thing in + mathematics or chemistry, but it makes sad havoc when applied to the + "functions of the heart." + </p> + <p> + "Mamma appears to have forgotten us," said Isabella, as she spoke, after + walking for some time in silence beside me. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, depend upon it, the carriage has taken all this time to repair; but + are you tired?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, by no means; the evening is delightful, but—" + </p> + <p> + "Then perhaps you are ennuyee," said I, half pettishly, to provoke a + disclaimer if possible. To this insidiously put quere I received, as I + deserved, no answer, and again we sauntered on without speaking. + </p> + <p> + "To whom does that chateau belong, my old friend?" said I addressing a man + on the road-side. + </p> + <p> + "A Monsieur le Marquis, sir," replied he. + </p> + <p> + "But what's his name, though?" + </p> + <p> + "Ah, that I can't tell you," replied the man again. + </p> + <p> + There you may perceive how, even yet, in provincial France, the old + respect for the aristocracy still survives; it is sufficient that the + possessor of that fine place is "Monsieur le Marquis;" but any other + knowledge of who he is, and what, is superfluous. "How far are we from the + next village, do you know?" + </p> + <p> + "About a league." + </p> + <p> + "Indeed. Why I thought 'La Scarpe' was quite near us." + </p> + <p> + "Ah, you are thinking of the Amiens road." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, of course; and is not this the Amiens road?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, no; the Amiens road lies beyond those low hills to the right. You + passed the turn at the first 'barriere'." + </p> + <p> + "Is it possible we could have come wrong?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, Mr. Lorrequer, don't say so, I entreat of you." + </p> + <p> + "And what road is this, then, my friend?" + </p> + <p> + "This is the road to Albert and Peronne." + </p> + <p> + "Unfortunately, I believe he is quite right. Is there any crossroad from + the village before us now, to the Amiens road?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes; you can reach it about three leagues hence." + </p> + <p> + "And we can get a carriage at the inn probably?" + </p> + <p> + "Ah, that I am not sure of—. Perhaps at the Lion d'or you may." + </p> + <p> + "But why not go back to Abbeville?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, Mrs. Bingham must have left long since, and beside you forget the + distance; we have been walking two hours." + </p> + <p> + "Now for the village," said I, as I drew my friend's arm closer within + mine, and we set out in a fast walk. + </p> + <p> + Isabella seemed terribly frightened at the whole affair; what her mamma + might think, and what might be her fears at not finding us on the road, + and a hundred other encouraging reflections of this nature she poured + forth unceasingly. As for myself, I did not know well what to think of it; + my old fondness for adventure being ever sufficiently strong in me to give + a relish to any thing which bore the least resemblance to one. This I now + concealed, and sympathised with my fair friend upon our mishap, and + assuring her, at the same time, that there could be no doubt of our + overtaking Mrs. Bingham before her arrival at Amiens. + </p> + <p> + "Ah, there is the village in the valley; how beautifully situated." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, I can't admire any thing now, Mr. Lorrequer, I am so frightened." + </p> + <p> + "But surely without cause," said I, looking tenderly beneath her bonnet. + </p> + <p> + "Is this," she answered, "nothing," and we walked on in silence again. + </p> + <p> + On reaching the Lion d'or we discovered that the only conveyance to be had + was a species of open market-cart drawn by two horses, and in which it was + necessary that my fair friend and myself should seat ourselves side by + side upon straw: there was no choice, and as for Miss Bingham, I believe + if an ass with panniers had presented itself, she would have preferred it + to remaining where she was. We therefore took our places, and she could + not refrain from laughing as we set out upon our journey in this absurd + equipage, every jolt of which threw us from side to side, and rendered + every attention on my part requisite to prevent her being upset. + </p> + <p> + After about two hours' travelling we arrived at the Amiens road, and + stopped at the barriere. I immediately inquired if a carriage had passed, + resembling Mrs. Bingham's, and learned that it had, about an hour before, + and that the lady in it had been informed that two persons, like those she + asked after, had been seen in a caleche driving rapidly to Amiens, upon + which she set out as fast as possible in pursuit. + </p> + <p> + "Certainly," said I, "the plot is thickening; but for that unlucky mistake + she might in all probability have waited here for us. Amiens is only two + leagues now, so our drive will not be long, and before six o'clock we + shall all be laughing over the matter as a very good joke." + </p> + <p> + On we rattled, and as the road became less frequented, and the shadows + lengthened, I could not but wonder at the strange situations which the + adventurous character of my life had so often involved me in. Meanwhile, + my fair friend's spirits became more and more depressed, and it was not + without the greatest difficulty I was enabled to support her courage. I + assured her, and not altogether without reason, that though so often in my + eventful career accidents were occurring which rendered it dubious and + difficult to reach the goal I aimed at, yet the results had so often been + more pleasant than I could have anticipated, that I always felt a kind of + involuntary satisfaction at some apparent obstacle to my path, setting it + down as some especial means of fortune, to heighten the pleasure awaiting + me; "and now," added I, "even here, perhaps, in this very mistake of our + road—the sentiments I have heard—the feelings I have given + utterance to—" What I was about to say, heaven knows—perhaps + nothing less than a downright proposal was coming; but at that critical + moment a gen-d'arme rode up to the side of our waggon, and surveyed us + with the peculiarly significant scowl his order is gifted with. After + trotting alongside for a few seconds he ordered the driver to halt, and, + turning abruptly to us, demanded our passports. Now our passports were, at + that precise moment, peaceably reposing in the side pocket of Mrs. + Bingham's carriage; I therefore explained to the gen-d'arme how we were + circumstanced, and added, that on arriving at Amiens the passport should + be produced. To this he replied that all might be perfectly true, but he + did not believe a word of it—that he had received an order for the + apprehension of two English persons travelling that road—and that he + should accordingly request our company back to Chantraine, the + commissionaire of which place was his officer. + </p> + <p> + "But why not take us to Amiens," said I; "particularly when I tell you + that we can then show our passports?" + </p> + <p> + "I belong to the Chantraine district," was the laconic answer; and like + the gentleman who could not weep at the sermon because he belonged to + another parish, this specimen of a French Dogberry would not hear reason + except in his own "commune." + </p> + <p> + No arguments which I could think of had any effect upon him, and amid a + volley of entreaty and imprecation, both equally vain, we saw ourselves + turn back upon the road to Amiens, and set out at a round trot to + Chantraine, on the road to Calais. + </p> + <p> + Poor Isabella, I really pitied her; hitherto her courage had been + principally sustained by the prospect of soon reaching Amiens; now there + was no seeing where our adventure was to end. Besides that, actual fatigue + from the wretched conveyance began to distress her, and she was scarcely + able to support herself, though assisted by my arm. What a perilous + position mine, whispering consolation and comfort to a pretty girl on a + lonely road, the only person near being one who comprehended nothing of + the language we spoke in. Ah, how little do we know of fate, and how often + do we despise circumstances that determine all our fortunes in the world. + To think that a gen-d'arme should have any thing to do with my future lot + in life, and that the real want of a passport to travel should involve the + probable want of a licence to marry. Yes, it is quite in keeping, thought + I, with every step I have taken through life. I may be brought before the + "maire" as a culprit, and leave him as a Benedict. + </p> + <p> + On reaching the town, we were not permitted to drive to the inn, but at + once conveyed to the house of the "commissaire," who was also the "maire" + of the district. The worthy functionary was long since in bed, and it was + only after ringing violently for half an hour that a head, surmounted with + a dirty cotton night-cap, peeped from an upper window, and seemed to + survey the assemblage beneath with patient attention. By this time a + considerable crowd had collected from the neighbouring ale-houses and + cabarets, who deemed it a most fitting occasion to honour us with the most + infernal yells and shouts, as indicating their love of justice, and + delight in detecting knavery; and that we were both involved in such + suspicion, we had not long to learn. Meanwhile the poor old maire, who had + been an employe in the stormy days of the revolution, and also under + Napoleon, and who full concurred with Swift that "a crowd is a mob, if + composed even of bishops," firmly believed that the uproar beneath in the + street was the announcement of a new change of affairs at Paris, + determined to be early in the field, and shouted therefore with all his + lungs—"vive le peuple"—"Vive la charte"—"A bas les + autres." A tremendous shout of laughter saluted this exhibition of + unexpected republicanism, and the poor maire retired from the window, + having learned his mistake, covered with shame and confusion. + </p> + <p> + Before the mirth caused by this blunder had subsided, the door had opened, + and we were ushered into the bureau of the commissaire, accompanied by the + anxious crowd, all curious to know the particulars of our crime. + </p> + <p> + The maire soon appeared, his night-cap being replaced by a small black + velvet skull-cap, and his lanky figure enveloped in a tarnished silk + dressing-gown; he permitted us to be seated, while the gen-d'arme + recounted the suspicious circumstances of our travelling, and produced the + order to arrest an Englishman and his wife who had arrived in one of the + late Boulogne packets, and who had carried off from some banking-house + money and bills for a large amount. + </p> + <p> + "I have no doubt these are the people," said the gen-d'arme; "and here is + the 'carte descriptive.' Let us compare it—'Forty-two or forty-three + years of age.'" + </p> + <p> + "I trust, M. le Maire," said I, overhearing this, "that ladies do not + recognize me as so much." + </p> + <p> + "Of a pale and cadaverous aspect," continued the gen-d'arme. + </p> + <p> + Upon this the old functionary, wiping his spectacles with a snuffy + handkerchief, as if preparing them to examine an eclipse of the sun, + regarded me fixedly for several minutes, and said—"Oh, yes, I + perceive it plainly; continue the description." + </p> + <p> + "Five feet three inches," said the gen-d'arme. + </p> + <p> + "Six feet one in England, whatever this climate may have done since." + </p> + <p> + "Speaks broken and bad French." + </p> + <p> + "Like a native," said I; "at least so said my friends in the chaussee + D'Antin, in the year fifteen." + </p> + <p> + Here the catalogue ended, and a short conference between the maire and the + gen-d'arme ensued, which ended in our being committed for examination on + the morrow; meanwhile we were to remain at the inn, under the surveillance + of the gen-d'arme. + </p> + <p> + On reaching the inn my poor friend was so completely exhausted that she at + once retired to her room, and I proceeded to fulfil a promise I had made + her to despatch a note to Mrs. Bingham at Amiens by a special messenger, + acquainting her with all our mishaps, and requesting her to come or send + to our assistance. This done, and a good supper smoking before me, of + which with difficulty I persuaded Isabella to partake in her own room, I + again regained my equanimity, and felt once more at ease. + </p> + <p> + The gen-d'arme in whose guardianship I had been left was a fine specimen + of his caste; a large and powerfully built man of about fifty, with an + enormous beard of grizzly brown and grey hair, meeting above and beneath + his nether lip; his eyebrows were heavy and beetling, and nearly concealed + his sharp grey eyes, while a deep sabre-wound had left upon his cheek a + long white scar, giving a most warlike and ferocious look to his features. + </p> + <p> + As he sat apart from me for some time, silent and motionless, I could not + help imagining in how many a hard-fought day he had borne a part, for he + evidently, from his age and bearing, had been one of the soldiers of the + empire. I invited him to partake of my bottle of Medoc, by which he seemed + flattered. When the flask became low, and was replaced by another, he + appeared to have lost much of his constrained air, and seemed forgetting + rapidly the suspicious circumstances which he supposed attached to me—waxed + wondrous confidential and communicative, and condescended to impart some + traits of a life which was not without its vicissitudes, for he had been, + as I suspected, one of the "Guarde"—the old guarde—was wounded + at Marengo, and received the croix d'honneur in the field of Wagram, from + the hands of the Emperor himself. The headlong enthusiasm of attachment to + Napoleon, which his brief and stormy career elicited even from those who + suffered long and deeply in his behalf, is not one of the least singular + circumstances which this portion of history displays. While the rigours of + the conscription had invaded every family in France, from Normandie to La + Vendee—while the untilled fields, the ruined granaries, the + half-deserted villages, all attested the depopulation of the land, those + talismanic words, "l'Empereur et la gloire," by some magic mechanism + seemed all-sufficient not only to repress regret and suffering, but even + stimulate pride, and nourish valour; and even yet, when it might be + supposed that like the brilliant glass of a magic lantern, the gaudy + pageant had passed away, leaving only the darkness and desolation behind + it—the memory of those days under the empire survives untarnished + and unimpaired, and every sacrifice of friends or fortune is accounted but + little in the balance when the honour of La Belle France, and the triumphs + of the grand "armee," are weighted against them. The infatuated and + enthusiastic followers of this great man would seem, in some respects, to + resemble the drunkard in the "Vaudeville," who alleged as his excuse for + drinking, that whenever he was sober his poverty disgusted him. "My + cabin," said he, "is a cell, my wife a mass of old rags, my child a + wretched object of misery and malady. But give me brandy; let me only have + that, and then my hut is a palace, my wife is a princess, and my child the + very picture of health and happiness;" so with these people—intoxicated + with the triumphs of their nation, "tete monte" with victory—they + cannot exist in the horror of sobriety which peace necessarily enforces; + and whenever the subject turns in conversation upon the distresses of the + time or the evil prospects of the country, they call out, not like the + drunkard, for brandy, but in the same spirit they say—"Ah, if you + would again see France flourishing and happy, let us once more have our + croix d'honneur, our epaulettes, our voluntary contributions, our + Murillos, our Velasquez, our spoils from Venice, and our increased + territories to rule over." This is the language of the Buonapartiste every + where, and at all seasons; and the mass of the nation is wonderfully + disposed to participate in the sentiment. The empire was the Aeneid of the + nation, and Napoleon the only hero they now believe in. You may satisfy + yourself of this easily. Every cafe will give evidence of it, every + society bears its testimony to it, and even the most wretched Vaudeville, + however, trivial the interest —however meagre the story, and poor + the diction, let the emperor but have his "role"—let him be as + laconic as possible, carry his hands behind his back, wear the well-known + low cocked-hat, and the "redingote gris"—the success is certain—every + sentence he utters is applauded, and not a single allusion to the + Pyramids, the sun of Austerlitz, l'honneur, et al vieille garde, but is + sure to bring down thunders of acclamation. But I am forgetting myself, + and perhaps my reader too; the conversation of the old gen-d'arme + accidentally led me into reflections like these, and he was well + calculated, in many ways, to call them forth. His devoted attachment—his + personal love of the emperor—of which he gave me some touching + instances, was admirably illustrated by an incident, which I am inclined + to tell, and hope it may amuse the reader as much as it did myself on + hearing it. + </p> + <p> + When Napoleon had taken possession of the papal dominions, as he virtually + did, and carried off the pope, Pius VI, to Paris, this old soldier, then a + musketeer in the garde, formed part of the company that mounted guard over + the holy father. During the earlier months of the holy father's + confinement he was at liberty to leave his apartments at any hour he + pleased, and cross the court-yard of the palace to the chapel where he + performed mass. At such moments the portion of the Imperial Guard then on + duty stood under arms, and received from the august hand of the pope his + benediction as he passed. But one morning a hasty express arrived from the + Tuilleries, and the officer on duty communicated his instructions to his + party, that the apostolic vicar was not to be permitted to pass, as + heretofore, to the chapel, and that a most rigid superintendence was to be + exercised over his movements. My poor companion had his turn for duty on + that ill-starred day; he had not been long at his post when the sound of + footsteps was heard approaching, and he soon saw the procession which + always attended the holy father to his devotions, advancing towards him; + he immediately placed himself across the passage, and with his musket in + rest barred the exit, declaring, at the same time, that such were his + orders. In vain the priests who formed the cortege addressed themselves to + his heart, and spoke to his feelings, and at last finding little success + by these methods, explained to him the mortal sin and crime for which + eternal damnation itself might not be a too heavy retribution if he + persisted in preventing his holiness to pass, and thus be the means of + opposing an obstacle to the head of the whole Catholic church, for + celebrating the mass; the soldier remained firm and unmoved, the only + answer he returned being, "that he had his orders, and dared not disobey + them." The pope, however, persisted in his resolution, and endeavoured to + get by, when the hardy veteran retreated a step, and placing his musket + and bayonet at the charge, called out "au nom de l'Empereur," when the + pious party at last yielded and slowly retired within the palace. + </p> + <p> + Not many days after, this severe restriction was recalled, and once more + the father was permitted to go to and from the chapel of the palace, at + such times as he pleased, and again, as before, in passing the corridor, + the guards presented arms and received the holy benediction, all except + one; upon him the head of the church frowned severely, and turned his + back, while extending his pious hands towards the others. "And yet," said + the poor fellow in concluding his story, "and yet I could not have done + otherwise; I had my orders and must have followed them, and had the + emperor commanded it, I should have run my bayonet through the body of the + holy father himself. + </p> + <p> + "Thus, you see, my dear sir, how I have loved the emperor, for I have many + a day stood under fire for him in this world, 'et il faut que j'aille + encore au feu pour lui apres ma mort.'." + </p> + <p> + He received in good part the consolations I offered him on this head, but + I plainly saw they did not, could not relieve his mind from the horrible + conviction he lay under, that his soul's safety for ever had been bartered + for his attachment to the emperor. + </p> + <p> + This story had brought us to the end of the third bottle of Medoc; and, as + I was neither the pope, nor had any very decided intentions of saying + mass, he offered no obstacle to my retiring for the night, and betaking + myself to my bed. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch25" id="ch25"></a>CHAPTER XXV. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + THE INN AT CHANTRAINE. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + <a name="Lorrequer_as_Postillion" id="Lorrequer_as_Postillion">Lorrequer + as Postillion</a> + </h3> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%;"> + <img alt="Ch 25 Lorrequer as Postillion.jpg (74K)" + src="images/Ch%2025%20Lorrequer%20as%20Postillion.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <a href="images2/Ch%2025%20Lorrequer%20as%20Postillion.jpg">BLACK AND + WHITE IMAGE</a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + When contrasted with the comforts of an English bed-room in a good hotel, + how miserably short does the appearance of a French one fall in the + estimation of the tired traveller. In exchange for the carpeted floor, the + well-curtained windows, the richly tapestried bed, the well cushioned + arm-chair, and the innumerable other luxuries which await him; he has + nought but a narrow, uncurtained bed, a bare floor, occasionally a flagged + one, three hard cane-bottomed chairs, and a looking-glass which may convey + an idea of how you would look under the combined influence of the cholera, + and a stroke of apoplexy, one half of your face being twice the length of + the other, and the entire of it of a bluish-green tint—pretty enough + in one of Turner's landscapes, but not at all becoming when applied to the + "human face divine." Let no late arrival from the continent contradict me + here by his late experiences, which a stray twenty pounds and the + railroads—(confound them for the same)—have enabled him to + acquire. I speak of matters before it occurred to all Charing-Cross and + Cheapside to "take the water" between Dover and Calais, and inundate the + world with the wit of the Cider Cellar, and the Hole in the Wall. No! In + the days I write of, the travelled were of another genus, and you might + dine at Very's or have your loge at "Les Italiens," without being dunned + by your tailor at the one, or confronted with your washer-woman at the + other. Perhaps I have written all this in the spite and malice of a man + who feels that his louis-d'or only goes half as far now as heretofore; and + attributes all his diminished enjoyments and restricted luxuries to the + unceasing current of his countrymen, whom fate, and the law of + imprisonment for debt, impel hither. Whether I am so far guilty or not, is + not now the question; suffice it to say, that Harry Lorrequer, for reasons + best known to himself, lives abroad, where he will be most happy to see + any of his old and former friends who take his quarters en route; and in + the words of a bellicose brother of the pen, but in a far different + spirit, he would add, "that any person who feels himself here alluded to, + may learn the author's address at his publishers." "Now let us go back to + our muttons," as Barney Coyle used to say in the Dublin Library formerly—for + Barney was fond of French allusions, which occasionally too he gave in + their own tongue, as once describing an interview with Lord Cloncurry, in + which he broke off suddenly the conference, adding, "I told him I never + could consent to such a proposition, and putting my chateau (chapeau) on + my head, I left the house at once." + </p> + <p> + It was nearly three o'clock in the morning, as accompanied by the waiter, + who, like others of his tribe, had become a kind of somnambulist + ex-officio, I wended my way up one flight of stairs, and down another, + along a narrow corridor, down two steps, through an antechamber, and into + another corridor, to No. 82, my habitation for the night. Why I should + have been so far conducted from the habitable portion of the house I had + spent my evening in, I leave the learned in such matters to explain; as + for me, I have ever remarked it, while asking for a chamber in a large + roomy hotel, the singular pride with which you are ushered up grand + stair-cases, down passages, through corridors, and up narrow back flights, + till the blue sky is seen through the sky-light, to No. 199, "the only + spare bed-room in the house," while the silence and desolation of the + whole establishment would seem to imply far otherwise—the only + evidence of occupation being a pair of dirty Wellingtons at the door of + No. 2. + </p> + <p> + "Well, we have arrived at last," said I, drawing a deep sigh, as I threw + myself upon a ricketty chair, and surveyed rapidly my meagre-looking + apartment. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, this is Monsieur's chamber," said the waiter, with a very peculiar + look, half servile, half droll. "Madame se couche, No. 28." + </p> + <p> + "Very well, good night," said I, closing the door hastily, and not liking + the farther scrutiny of the fellow's eye, as he fastened it on me, as if + to search what precise degree of relationship existed between myself and + my fair friend, whom he had called "Madame" purposely to elicit an + observation from me. "Ten to one though," said I, as I undressed myself, + "but they think she is my wife—how good—but again—ay, it + is very possible, considering we are in France. Numero vingt-huit, quite + far enough from this part of the house I should suppose from my number,—that + old gen-d'arme was a fine fellow—what strong attachment to Napoleon; + and the story of the pope; I hope I may remember that. Isabella, poor girl—this + adventure must really distress her—hope she is not crying over it—what + a devil of a hard bed—and it is not five feet long too—and, + bless my soul, is this all by way of covering; why I shall be perished + here. Oh! I must certainly put all my clothes over me in addition, + unfortunately there is no hearth-rug—well, there is no help for it + now —so let me try to sleep—numero vingt-huit." + </p> + <p> + How long I remained in a kind of uneasy, fitful slumber, I cannot tell; + but I awoke shivering with cold—puzzled to tell where I was, and my + brain addled with the broken fragments of half a dozen dreams, all + mingling and mixing themselves with the unpleasant realities of my + situation. What an infernal contrivance for a bed, thought I, as my head + came thump against the top, while my legs projected far beyond the + foot-rail; the miserable portion of clothing over me at the same time + being only sufficient to temper the night air, which in autumn is + occasionally severe and cutting. This will never do. I must ring the bell + and rouse the house, if only to get a fire, if they don't possess such a + thing as blankets. I immediately rose, and groping my way along the wall + endeavoured to discover the bell, but in vain; and for the same + satisfactory reason that Von Troil did not devote one chapter of his work + on "Iceland" to "snakes," because there were none such there. What was now + to be done? About the geography of my present abode I knew, perhaps, as + much as the public at large know about the Coppermine river and Behring's + straits. The world, it was true, was before me, "where top choose," + admirable things for an epic, but decidedly an unfortunate circumstance + for a very cold gentleman in search of a blanket. Thus thinking, I opened + the door of my chamber, and not in any way resolved how I should proceed, + I stepped forth into the long corridor, which was dark as midnight itself. + </p> + <p> + Tracing my path along the wall, I soon reached a door which I in vain + attempted to open; in another moment I found another and another, each of + which were locked. Thus along the entire corridor I felt my way, making + every effort to discover where any of the people of the house might have + concealed themselves, but without success. What was to be done now? It was + of no use to go back to my late abode, and find it comfortless as I left + it; so I resolved to proceed in my search; by this time I had arrived at + the top of a small flight of stairs, which I remembered having come up, + and which led to another long passage similar to the one I had explored, + but running in a transverse direction, down this I now crept, and reached + the landing, along the wall of which I was guided by my hand, as well for + safety as to discover the architrave of some friendly door, where the + inhabitant might be sufficiently Samaritan to lend some portion of his + bed-clothes; door after door followed in succession along this confounded + passage, which I began to think as long as the gallery of the lower one; + at last, however, just as my heart was sinking within me from + disappointment, the handle of a lock turned, and I found myself inside a + chamber. How was I now to proceed? for if this apartment did not contain + any of the people of the hotel, I had but a sorry excuse for disturbing + the repose of any traveller who might have been more fortunate than myself + in the article of blankets. To go back however, would be absurd, having + already taken so much trouble to find out a room that was inhabited—for + that such was the case, a short, thick snore assured me—so that my + resolve was at once made, to waken the sleeper, and endeavour to interest + him in my destitute situation. I accordingly approached the place where + the nasal sounds seemed to issue from, and soon reached the post of a bed. + I waited for an instant, and then began, + </p> + <p> + "Monsier, voulez vous bien me permettre—" + </p> + <p> + "As to short whist, I never could make it out, so there is an end of it," + said my unknown friend, in a low, husky voice, which, strangely enough, + was not totally unfamiliar to me: but when or how I had heard it before I + could not then think. + </p> + <p> + Well, thought I, he is an Englishman at all events, so I hope his + patriotism may forgive my intrusion, so here goes once more to rouse him, + though he seems a confoundedly heavy sleeper. "I beg your pardon, sir, but + unfortunately in a point like the present, perhaps—" + </p> + <p> + "Well, do you mark the points, and I'll score the rubber," said he. + </p> + <p> + "The devil take the gambling fellow's dreaming," thought I, raising my + voice at the same time. + </p> + <p> + "Perhaps a cold night, sir, may suffice as my apology." + </p> + <p> + "Cold, oh, ay! put a hot poker to it," muttered he; "a hot poker, a little + sugar, and a spice of nutmeg—nothing else—then it's + delicious." + </p> + <p> + "Upon my soul, this is too bad," said I to myself. "Let us see what + shaking will do. Sir, sir, I shall feel obliged by—" + </p> + <p> + "Well there, don't shake me, and I'll tell you where I hid the cigars—they + are under my straw hat in the window." + </p> + <p> + "Well, really," thought I, "if this gentleman's confessions were of an + interesting nature, this might be good fun; but as the night is cold, I + must shorten the 'seance,' so here goes for one effort more. + </p> + <p> + "If, sir, you could kindly spare me even a small portion of your + bed-clothes." + </p> + <p> + "No, thank you, no more wine; but I'll sing with pleasure;" and here the + wretch, in something like the voice of a frog with the quinsy, began, + "'I'd mourn the hopes that leave me.'" + </p> + <p> + "You shall mourn something else for the same reason," said I, as losing + all patience, I seized quilts and blankets by the corner, and with one + vigourous pull wrenched them from the bed, and darted from the room—in + a second I was in the corridor, trailing my spoil behind—which in my + haste I had not time to collect in a bundle. I flew rather than ran along + the passage, reached the stairs, and in another minute had reached the + second gallery, but not before I heard the slam of a door behind me, and + the same instant the footsteps of a person running along the corridor, who + could be no other than my pursuer, effectually aroused by my last appeal + to his charity. I darted along the dark and narrow passage; but soon to my + horror discovered that I must have passed the door of my chamber, for I + had reached the foot of a narrow back stair, which led to the grenier and + the servants' rooms, beneath the roof. To turn now would only have led me + plump in the face of my injured countryman, of whose thew and sinew I was + perfectly ignorant, and did not much like to venture upon. There was + little time for reflection, for he had now reached the top of the stair, + and was evidently listening for some clue to guide him on; stealthily and + silently, and scarcely drawing breath, I mounted the narrow stairs step by + step, but before I had arrived at the landing, he heard the rustle of the + bed-clothes, and again gave chace. There was something in the unrelenting + ardour of his pursuit, which suggested to my mind the idea of a most + uncompromising foe; and as fear added speed to my steps, I dashed along + beneath the low-roofed passage, wondering what chance of escape might yet + present itself. Just at this instant, the hand by which I had guided + myself along the wall, touched the handle of a door—I turned it—it + opened—I drew in my precious bundle, and closing the door + noiselessly, sat down, breathless and still, upon the floor. + </p> + <p> + Scarcely was this, the work of a second, accomplished, when the heavy + tread of my pursuer resounded on the floor. + </p> + <p> + "Upon my conscience it's strange if I haven't you now, my friend," said + he: "you're in a cul de sac here, as they say, if I know any thing of the + house; and faith I'll make a salad of you, when I get you, that's all. + Devil a dirtier trick ever I heard tell of." + </p> + <p> + Need I say that these words had the true smack of an Irish accent, which + circumstance, from whatever cause, did not by any means tend to assuage my + fears in the event of discovery. + </p> + <p> + However, from such a misfortune my good genius now delivered me; for after + traversing the passage to the end, he at last discovered another, which + led by a long flight to the second story, down which he proceeded, venting + at every step his determination for vengeance, and his resolution not to + desist from the pursuit, if it took the entire night for it. + </p> + <p> + "Well now," thought I, "as he will scarcely venture up here again, and as + I may, by leaving this, be only incurring the risk of encountering him, my + best plan is to stay where I am if it be possible." With this intent I + proceeded to explore the apartment, which from its perfect stillness, I + concluded to be unoccupied. After some few minutes groping I reached a low + bed, fortunately empty, and although the touch of the bed-clothes led to + no very favourable augury of its neatness or elegance, there was little + choice at this moment, so I rolled myself up in my recent booty, and + resolved to wait patiently for day-break to regain my apartment. + </p> + <p> + As always happens in such circumstances, sleep came on me unawares—so + at least every one's experience I am sure can testify, that if you are + forced to awake early to start by some morning coach, and that + unfortunately you have not got to bed till late at night, the chances are + ten to one, that you get no sleep whatever, simply because you are + desirous for it; but make up your mind ever so resolutely, that you'll not + sleep, and whether your determination be built on motives of propriety, + duty, convenience, or health, and the chances are just as strong that you + are sound and snoring before ten minutes. + </p> + <p> + How many a man has found it impossible, with every effort of his heart and + brain aiding his good wishes, to sit with unclosed eyes and ears through a + dull sermon in the dog-days; how many an expectant, longing heir has + yielded to the drowsy influence when endeavouring to look contrite under + the severe correction of a lecture on extravagance from his uncle. Who has + not felt the irresistible tendency to "drop off" in the half hour before + dinner at a stupid country-house? I need not catalogue the thousand other + situations in life infinitely more "sleep-compelling" than Morphine; for + myself, my pleasantest and soundest moments of perfect forgetfulness of + this dreary world and all its cares, have been taken in an oaken bench, + seated bolt upright and vis a vis to a lecturer on botany, whose calming + accents, united with the softened light of an autumnal day, piercing its + difficult rays through the narrow and cobwebbed windows, the odour of the + recent plants and flowers aiding and abetting, all combined to steep the + soul in sleep, and you sank by imperceptible and gradual steps into that + state of easy slumber, in which "come no dreams," and the last sounds of + the lecturer's "hypogenous and perigenous" died away, becoming beautifully + less, till your senses sank into rest, the syllables "rigging us, rigging + us," seemed to melt away in the distance and fade from your memory—Peace + be with you, Doctor A. If I owe gratitude any where I have my debt with + you. The very memory I bear of you has saved me no inconsiderable sum in + hop and henbane. Without any assistance from the sciences on the present + occasion, I was soon asleep, and woke not till the cracking of whips, and + trampling of horses' feet on the pavement of the coach-yard apprised me + that the world had risen to its daily labour, and so should I. From the + short survey of my present chamber which I took on waking, I conjectured + it must have been the den of some of the servants of the house upon + occasion—two low truckle-beds of the meanest description lay along + the wall opposite to mine; one of them appeared to have been slept in + during the past night, but by what species of animal the Fates alone can + tell. An old demi-peak saddle, capped and tipped with brass, some rusty + bits, and stray stirrup-irons lay here and there upon the floor; while + upon a species of clothes-rack, attached to a rafter, hung a tarnished + suit of postillion's livery, cap, jacket, leathers, and jack-boots, all + ready for use; and evidently from their arrangement supposed by the owner + to be a rather creditable "turn out." + </p> + <p> + I turned over these singular habiliments with much of the curiosity with + which an antiquary would survey a suit of chain armour; the long + epaulettes of yellow cotton cord, the heavy belt with its brass buckle, + the cumbrous boots, plaited and bound with iron like churns were in rather + a ludicrous contrast to the equipment of our light and jockey-like boys in + nankeen jackets and neat tops, that spin along over our level "macadam." + </p> + <p> + "But," thought I, "it is full time I should get back to No. 82, and make + my appearance below stairs;" though in what part of the building my room + lay, and how I was to reach it without my clothes, I had not the slightest + idea. A blanket is an excessively comfortable article of wearing apparel + when in bed, but as a walking costume is by no means convenient or + appropriate; while to making a sorti en sauvage, however appropriate + during the night, there were many serious objections if done "en plein + jour," and with the whole establishment awake and active; the noise of + mopping, scrubbing, and polishing, which is eternally going forward in a + foreign inn amply testified there was nothing which I could adopt in my + present naked and forlorn condition, save the bizarre and ridiculous dress + of the postillion, and I need not say the thought of so doing presented + nothing agreeable. I looked from the narrow window out upon the tiled + roof, but without any prospect of being heard if I called ever so loudly. + </p> + <p> + The infernal noise of floor-cleansing, assisted by a Norman peasant's + "chanson du pays," the time being well marked by her heavy sabots, gave + even less chance to me within; so that after more than half an hour passed + in weighing difficulties, and canvassing plans, upon donning the blue and + yellow, and setting out for my own room without delay, hoping sincerely, + that with proper precaution, I should be able to reach it unseen and + unobserved. + </p> + <p> + As I laid but little stress upon the figure I should make in my new + habiliments, it did not cause me much mortification to find that the + clothes were considerably too small, the jacket scarcely coming beneath my + arms, and the sleeves being so short that my hands and wrists projected + beyond the cuffs like two enormous claws; the leathers were also limited + in their length, and when drawn up to a proper height, permitted my knees + to be seen beneath, like the short costume of a Spanish Tauridor, but + scarcely as graceful; not wishing to encumber myself in the heavy and + noisy masses of wood, iron, and leather, they call "les bottes forts," I + slipped my feet into my slippers, and stole gently from the room. How I + must have looked at the moment I leave my reader to guess, as with anxious + and stealthy pace I crept along the low gallery that led to the narrow + staircase, down which I proceeded, step by step; but just as I reached the + bottom, perceived a little distance from me, with her back turned towards + me, a short, squat peasant on her knees, belabouring with a brush the well + waxed floor; to pass therefore, unobserved was impossible, so that I did + not hesitate to address her, and endeavour to interest her in my behalf, + and enlist her as my guide. + </p> + <p> + "Bon jour, ma chere," said I in a soft insinuating tone; she did not hear + me, so I repeated, + </p> + <p> + "Bon jour, ma chere, bon jour." + </p> + <p> + Upon this she turned round, and looking fixedly at me for a second, called + out in a thick pathos, "Ah, le bon Dieu! qu'il est drole comme ca, + Francois, savez vous, mais ce n'est pas Francois;" saying which, she + sprang from her kneeling position to her feet, and with a speed that her + shape and sabots seemed little to promise, rushed down the stairs as if + she had seen the devil himself. + </p> + <p> + "Why, what is the matter with the woman?" said I, "surely if I am not + Francois—which God be thanked is true—yet I cannot look so + frightful as all this would imply." I had not much time given me for + consideration now, for before I had well deciphered the number over a door + before me, the loud noise of several voices on the floor beneath attracted + my attention, and the moment after the heavy tramp of feet followed, and + in an instant the gallery was thronged by the men and women of the house—waiters, + hostlers, cooks, scullions, filles de chambre, mingled with gens-d'armes, + peasants, and town's people, all eagerly forcing their way up stairs; yet + all on arriving at the landing-place, seemed disposed to keep at a + respectful distance, and bundling themselves at one end of the corridor, + while I, feelingly alive to the ridiculous appearance I made, occupied the + other—the gravity with which they seemed at first disposed to regard + me soon gave way, and peal after peal of laughter broke out, and young and + old, men and women, even to the most farouche gens-d'armes, all appearing + incapable of controlling the desire for merriment my most singular figure + inspired; and unfortunately this emotion seemed to promise no very speedy + conclusion; for the jokes and witticisms made upon my appearance + threatened to renew the festivities, ad libitum. + </p> + <p> + "Regardez donc ses epaules," said one. + </p> + <p> + "Ah, mon Dieu! Il me fait l'idee d'une grenouille aves ses jambes jaunes," + cried another. + </p> + <p> + "Il vaut son pesant de fromage pour une Vaudeville," said the director of + the strolling theatre of the place. + </p> + <p> + "I'll give seventy francs a week, 'd'appointment,' and 'Scribe' shall + write a piece express for himself, if he'll take it." + </p> + <p> + "May the devil fly away with your grinning baboon faces," said I, as I + rushed up the stairs again, pursued by the mob at full cry; scarcely, + however, had I reached the top step, when the rough hand of the gen-d'arme + seized me by the shoulder, while he said in a low, husky voice, "c'est + inutile, Monsieur, you cannot escape—the thing was well contrived, + it is true; but the gens-d'armes of France are not easily outwitted, and + you could not have long avoided detection, even in that dress." It was my + turn to laugh now, which, to their very great amazement, I did, loud and + long; that I should have thought my present costume could ever have been + the means of screening me from observation, however it might have been + calculated to attract it, was rather too absurd a supposition even for the + mayor of a village to entertain; besides, it only now occurred to me that + I was figuring in the character of a prisoner. The continued peals of + laughing which this mistake on their part elicited from me seemed to + afford but slight pleasure to my captor, who gruffly said— + </p> + <p> + "When you have done amusing yourself, mon ami, perhaps you will do us the + favour to come before the mayor." + </p> + <p> + "Certainly," I replied; "but you will first permit me to resume my own + clothes, I am quite sick of masquerading 'en postillion.'" + </p> + <p> + "Not so fast, my friend," said the suspicious old follower of Fouche—"not + so fast; it is but right the maire should see you in the disguise you + attempted your escape in. It must be especially mentioned in the proces + verbal." + </p> + <p> + "Well, this is becoming too ludicrous," said I. "It need not take five + minutes to satisfy you why, how, and where, I put on these confounded rags—" + </p> + <p> + "Then tell it to the maire, at the Bureau." + </p> + <p> + "But for that purpose it is not necessary I should be conducted through + the streets in broad day, to be laughed at. No, positively, I'll not go. + In my own dress I'll accompany you with pleasure." + </p> + <p> + "Victor, Henri, Guillame," said the gen-d'arme, addressing his companions, + who immediately closed round me. "You see," added he, "there is no use in + resisting." + </p> + <p> + Need I recount my own shame and ineffable disgrace? Alas! it is too, too + true. Harry Lorrequer—whom Stultze entreated to wear his coats, the + ornament of Hyde Park, the last appeal in dress, fashion, and equipage—was + obliged to parade through the mob of a market-town in France, with four + gens-d'armes for his companions, and he himself habited in a mongrel + character—half postillion, half Delaware Indian. The incessant yells + of laughter—the screams of the children, and the outpouring of every + species of sarcasm and ridicule, at my expense, were not all—for, as + I emerged from the porte-chochere I saw Isabella in the window: her eyes + were red with weeping; but no sooner had she beheld me, than she broke out + into a fit of laughter that was audible even in the street. + </p> + <p> + Rage had now taken such a hold upon me, that I forgot my ridiculous + appearance in my thirst for vengeance. I marched on through the grinning + crowd, with the step of a martyr. I suppose my heroic bearing and warlike + deportment must have heightened the drollery of the scene; for the devils + only laughed the more. The bureau of the maire could not contain one-tenth + of the anxious and curious individuals who thronged the entrance, and for + about twenty minutes the whole efforts of the gens-d'armes were little + enough to keep order and maintain silence. At length the maire made his + appearance, and accustomed as he had been for a long life to scenes of an + absurd and extraordinary nature, yet the ridicule of my look and costume + was too much, and he laughed outright. This was of course the signal for + renewed mirth for the crowd, while those without doors, infected by the + example, took up the jest, and I had the pleasure of a short calculation, + a la Babbage, of how many maxillary jaws were at that same moment wagging + at my expense. + </p> + <p> + However, the examination commenced; and I at length obtained an + opportunity of explaining under what circumstances I had left my room, and + how and why I had been induced to don this confounded cause of all my + misery. + </p> + <p> + "This may be very true," said the mayor, "as it is very plausible; if you + have evidence to prove what you have stated—" + </p> + <p> + "If it's evidence only is wanting, Mr. Maire, I'll confirm one part of the + story," said a voice in the crowd, in an accent and tone that assured me + the speaker was the injured proprietor of the stolen blankets. I turned + round hastily to look at my victim, and what was my surprise to recognize + a very old Dublin acquaintance, Mr. Fitzmaurice O'Leary. + </p> + <p> + "Good morning, Mr. Lorrequer," said he; "this is mighty like our ould + practices in College-green; but upon my conscience the maire has the + advantage of Gabbet. It's lucky for you I know his worship, as we'd call + him at home, or this might be a serious business. Nothing would persuade + them that you were not Lucien Buonaparte, or the iron mask, or something + of that sort, if they took it into their heads." + </p> + <p> + Mr. O'Leary was as good as his word. In a species of French, that I'd + venture to say would be perfectly intelligible in Mullingar, he contrived + to explain to the maire that I was neither a runaway nor a swindler, but a + very old friend of his, and consequently sans reproche. The official was + now as profuse of his civilities as he had before been of his suspicions, + and most hospitably pressed us to stay for breakfast. This, for many + reasons, I was obliged to decline—not the least of which was, my + impatience to get out of my present costume. We accordingly procured a + carriage, and I returned to the hotel, screened from the gaze but still + accompanied by the shouts of the mob, who evidently took a most lively + interest in the entire proceeding. + </p> + <p> + I lost no time in changing my costume, and was about to descend to the + saloon, when the master of the house came to inform me that Mrs. Bingham's + courier had arrived with the carriage, and that she expected us at Amiens + as soon as possible. + </p> + <p> + "That is all right. Now, Mr. O'Leary, I must pray you to forgive all the + liberty I have taken with you, and also permit me to defer the explanation + of many circumstances which seem at present strange, till—" + </p> + <p> + "Till sine die, if the story be a long one, my dear sir—there's + nothing I hate so much, except cold punch." + </p> + <p> + "You are going to Paris," said I; "is it not so?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, I'm thinking of it. I was up at Trolhatten, in Norway, three weeks + ago, and I was obliged to leave it hastily, for I've an appointment with a + friend in Geneva." + </p> + <p> + "Then how do you travel?" + </p> + <p> + "On foot, just as you see, except that I've a tobacco bag up stairs, and + an umbrella." + </p> + <p> + "Light equipment, certainly; but you must allow me to give you a set down + as far as Amiens, and also to present you to my friends there." + </p> + <p> + To this Mr. O'Leary made no objection; and as Miss Bingham could not bear + any delay, in her anxiety to join her mother, we set out at once—the + only thing to mar my full enjoyment at the moment being the sight of the + identical vestments I had so lately figured in, bobbing up and down before + my eyes for the whole length of the stage, and leading to innumerable + mischievous allusions from my friend Mr. O'Leary, which were far too much + relished by my fair companion. + </p> + <p> + At twelve we arrived at Amiens, when I presented my friend Mr. O'Leary to + Mrs. Bingham. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch26" id="ch26"></a>CHAPTER XXVI. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + MR. O'LEARY. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + At the conclusion of my last chapter I was about to introduce to my + reader's acquaintance my friend Mr. O'Leary; and, as he is destined to + occupy some place in the history of these Confessions, I may, perhaps, be + permitted to do so at more length than his intrinsic merit at first sight + might appear to warrant. + </p> + <p> + Mr. O'Leary was, and I am induced to believe is, a particularly short, + fat, greasy-looking gentleman, with a head as free from phrenological + development as a billiard-ball, and a countenance which, in feature and + colour, nearly resembled the face of a cherub, carved in oak, as we see + them in old pulpits. + </p> + <p> + Short as is his stature, his limbs compose the least part of it. His hands + and feet, forming some compensation by their ample proportions, with + short, thick fins, vulgarly called a cobbler's thumb. His voice varying in + cadence from a deep barytone, to a high falsetto, maintains throughout the + distinctive characteristic of a Dublin accent and pronunciation, and he + talks of the "Veel of Ovoca, and a beef-steek," with some price of + intonation. What part of the Island he came originally from, or what may + be his age, are questions I have the most profound ignorance of; I have + heard many anecdotes which would imply his being what the French call + "d'un age mur"—but his own observations are generally limited to + events occurring since the peace of "fifteen." To his personal + attractions, such as they are, he has never been solicitous of + contributing by the meretricious aids of dress. His coat, calculating from + its length of waist, and ample skirt, would fit Bumbo Green, while his + trowsers, being made of some cheap and shrinking material, have gradually + contracted their limits, and look now exactly like knee-breeches, without + the usual buttons at the bottom. + </p> + <p> + These, with the addition of a pair of green spectacles, the glass of one + being absent, and permitting the look-out of a sharp, grey eye, twinkling + with drollery and good humour, form the most palpable of his externals. In + point of character, they who best knew him represented him as the + best-tempered, best-hearted fellow breathing; ever ready to assist a + friend, and always postponing his own plans and his own views, when he had + any, to the wishes and intentions of others. Among the many odd things + about him, was a constant preference to travelling on foot, and a great + passion for living abroad, both of which tastes he gratified, although his + size might seem to offer obstacles to the one, and his total ignorance of + every continental language, would appear to preclude the other; with a + great liking for tobacco, which he smoked all day—a fondness for + whist and malt liquors—his antipathies were few; so that except when + called upon to shave more than once in the week, or wash his hands twice + on the same day, it was difficult to disconcert him. His fortune was very + ample; but although his mode of living was neither very ostentatious nor + costly, he contrived always to spend his income. Such was the gentleman I + now presented to my friends, who, I must confess, appeared strangely + puzzled by his manner and appearance. This feeling, however, soon wore + off; and before he had spent the morning in their company, he had made + more way in their good graces, and gone farther to establish intimacy, + than many a more accomplished person, with an unexceptionable coat and + accurate whisker might have effected in a fortnight. What were his gifts + in this way, I am, alas, most deplorably ignorant of; it was not, heaven + knows, that he possessed any conversational talent—of successful + flattery he knew as much as a negro does of the national debt—and + yet the "bon-hommie" of his character seemed to tell at once; and I never + knew him fail in any one instance to establish an interest for himself + before he had completed the ordinary period of a visit. + </p> + <p> + I think it is Washington Irving who has so admirably depicted the + mortification of a dandy angler, who, with his beaver garnished with brown + hackles, his well-posed rod, polished gaff, and handsome landing-net, with + every thing befitting, spends his long summer day whipping a trout stream + without a rise or even a ripple to reward him, while a ragged urchin, with + a willow wand, and a bent pin, not ten yards distant, is covering the + greensward with myriads of speckled and scaly backs, from one pound weight + to four; so it is in every thing—"the race is not to the swift;" the + elements of success in life, whatever be the object of pursuit, are very, + very different from what we think them at first sight, and so it was with + Mr. O'Leary, and I have more than once witnessed the triumph of his homely + manner and blunt humour over the more polished and well-bred taste of his + competitors for favour; and what might have been the limit to such + success, heaven alone can tell, if it were not that he laboured under a + counter-balancing infirmity, sufficient to have swamped a line-of-battle + ship itself. It was simply this—a most unfortunate propensity to + talk of the wrong place, person, or time, in any society he found himself; + and this taste for the mal apropos, extended so far, that no one ever + ventured into company with him as his friend, without trembling for the + result; but even this, I believe his only fault, resulted from the natural + goodness of his character and intentions; for, believing as he did, in his + honest simplicity, that the arbitrary distinctions of class and rank were + held as cheaply by others as himself, he felt small scruple at recounting + to a duchess a scene in a cabaret, and with as little hesitation would he, + if asked, have sung the "Cruiskeen lawn," or the "Jug of Punch," after + Lablanche had finished the "Al Idea," from Figaro. 'Mauvaise honte,' he + had none; indeed I am not sure that he had any kind of shame whatever, + except possibly when detected with a coat that bore any appearance of + newness, or if overpersuaded to wear gloves, which he ever considered as a + special effeminacy. + </p> + <p> + Such, in a few words, was the gentleman I now presented to my friends, and + how far he insinuated himself into their good graces, let the fact tell, + that on my return to the breakfast-room, after about an hour's absence, I + heard him detailing the particulars of a route they were to take by his + advice, and also learned that he had been offered and had accepted a seat + in their carriage to Paris. + </p> + <p> + "Then I'll do myself the pleasure of joining your party, Mrs. Bingham," + said he. "Bingham, I think, madam, is your name." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Sir." + </p> + <p> + "Any relation, may I ask, of a most dear friend of mine, of the same name, + from Currynaslattery, in the county Wexford?" + </p> + <p> + "I am really not aware," said Mrs. Bingham. "My husband's family are, I + believe, many of them from that county." + </p> + <p> + "Ah, what a pleasant fellow was Tom!" said Mr. O'Leary musingly, and with + that peculiar tone which made me tremble, for I knew well that a + reminiscence was coming. "A pleasant fellow indeed." + </p> + <p> + "Is he alive, sir, now?" + </p> + <p> + "I believe so, ma'am; but I hear the climate does not agree with him." + </p> + <p> + "Ah, then, he's abroad! In Italy probably?" + </p> + <p> + "No, ma'am, in Botany Bay. His brother, they say, might have saved him, + but he left poor Tom to his fate, for he was just then paying court to a + Miss Crow, I think, with a large fortune. Oh, Lord, what have I said, it's + always the luck of me!" The latter exclamation was the result of a heavy + saugh upon the floor, Mrs. Bingham having fallen in a faint—she + being the identical lady alluded to, and her husband the brother of + pleasant Tom Bingham. + </p> + <p> + To hurl Mr. O'Leary out of the room by one hand, and ring the bell with + the other, was the work of a moment; and with proper care, and in due + time, Mrs. Bingham was brought to herself, when most fortunately, she + entirely forgot the cause of her sudden indisposition; and, of course, + neither her daughter nor myself suffered any clue to escape us which might + lead to its discovery. + </p> + <p> + When we were once more upon the road, to efface if it might be necessary + any unpleasant recurrence to the late scene, I proceeded to give Mrs. + Bingham an account of my adventure at Chantraine, in which, of course, I + endeavoured to render my friend O'Leary all the honours of being laughed + at in preference to myself, laying little stress upon my masquerading in + the jack-boots. + </p> + <p> + "You are quite right," said O'Leary, joining in the hearty laugh against + him, "quite right, I was always a very heavy sleeper—indeed if I + wasn't I wouldn't be here now, travelling about en garcon, free as air;" + here he heaved a sigh, which from its incongruity with his jovial look and + happy expression, threw us all into renewed laughter. + </p> + <p> + "But why, Mr. O'Leary—what can your sleepiness have to do with such + tender recollections, for such, I am sure, that sigh bespeaks them?" + </p> + <p> + "Ah! ma'am, it may seem strange, but it is nevertheless true, if it were + not for that unfortunate tendency, I should now be the happy possessor of + a most accomplished and amiable lady, and eight hundred per annum three + and a half per cent. stock." + </p> + <p> + "You overslept yourself on the wedding-day, I suppose." + </p> + <p> + "You shall hear, ma'am, the story is a very short one: It is now about + eight years ago, I was rambling through the south of France, and had just + reached Lyons, where the confounded pavement, that sticks up like pears, + with the point upwards, had compelled me to rest some days and recruit; + for this purpose I installed myself in the pension of Madame Gourgead, Rue + de Petits Carmes, a quiet house—where we dined at twelve, ten in + number, upon about two pounds of stewed beef, with garlic and carrots—a + light soup, being the water which accompanied the same to render it tender + in stewing—some preserved cherries, and an omelette, with a pint + bottle of Beaune, 6me qualite, I believe—a species of pyroligneous + wine made from the vine stalks, but pleasant in summer with your salad; + then we played dominos in the evening, or whist for sous points, leading + altogether a very quiet and virtuous existence, or as Madame herself + expressed it, 'une vie tout-a-fait patriarchale;' of this I cannot myself + affirm how far she was right in supposing the patriarchs did exactly like + us. But to proceed, in the same establishment there lived a widow whose + late husband had been a wine merchant at Dijon—he had also, I + suppose from residing in that country, been imitating the patriarchs, for + he died one day. Well, the lady was delayed at Lyons for some law + business, and thus it came about, that her husband's testament and the + sharp paving stones in the streets determined we should be acquainted. I + cannot express to you the delight of my fair countrywoman at finding that + a person who spoke English had arrived at the 'pension'—a feeling I + myself somewhat participated in; for to say truth, I was not at that time + a very great proficient in French. We soon became intimate, in less time + probably than it could otherwise have happened, for from the ignorance of + all the others of one word of English, I was enabled during dinner to say + many soft and tender things, which one does not usually venture on in + company. + </p> + <p> + "I recounted my travels, and told various adventures of my wanderings, + till at last, from being merely amused, I found that my fair friend began + to be interested in my narratives; and frequently when passing the + bouillon to her, I have seen a tear in the corner of her eye: in a word, + 'she loved me for the dangers I had passed,' as Othello says. Well, laugh + away if you like, but it's truth I am telling you." At this part of Mr. + O'Leary's story we all found it impossible to withstand the ludicrous mock + heroic of his face and tone, and laughed loud and long. When we at length + became silent he resumed—"Before three weeks had passed over, I had + proposed and was accepted, just your own way, Mr. Lorrequer, taking the + ball at the hop, the very same way you did at Cheltenham, the time the + lady jilted you, and ran off with your friend Mr. Waller; I read it all in + the news, though I was then in Norway fishing." Here there was another + interruption by a laugh, not, however, at Mr. O'Leary's expense. I gave + him a most menacing look, while he continued—"the settlements were + soon drawn up, and consisted, like all great diplomatic documents, of a + series of 'gains and compensations;' thus, she was not to taste any thing + stronger than kirsch wasser, or Nantz brandy; and I limited myself to a + pound of short-cut weekly, and so on: but to proceed, the lady being a + good Catholic, insisted upon being married by a priest of her own + persuasion, before the performance of the ceremony at the British embassy + in Paris; to this I could offer no objection, and we were accordingly + united in the holy bonds the same morning, after signing the law papers." + </p> + <p> + "Then, Mr. O'Leary, you are really a married man." + </p> + <p> + "That's the very point I'm coming to, ma'am; for I've consulted all the + jurists upon the subject, and they never can agree. But you shall hear. I + despatched a polite note to Bishop Luscombe, and made every arrangement + for the approaching ceremony, took a quartier in the Rue Helder, near the + Estaminet, and looked forward with anxiety for the day which was to make + my happy; for our marriage in Lyons was only a kind of betrothal. Now, my + fair friend had but one difficulty remaining, poor dear soul—I + refrain from mentioning her name for delicacy sake; but poor dear Mrs. Ram + could not bear the notion of our going up to Paris in the same conveyance, + for long as she had lived abroad, she had avoided every thing French, even + the language, so she proposed that I should go in the early 'Diligence,' + which starts at four-o'clock in the morning, while she took her departure + at nine; thus I should be some hours sooner in Paris, and ready to receive + her on her arriving; besides sparing her bashfulness all reproach of our + travelling together. It was no use my telling her that I always travelled + on foot, and hated a 'Diligence;' she coolly replied that at our time of + life we could not spare the time necessary for a pilgrimage to Jerusalem, + for so she supposed the journey from Lyons to Paris to be; so fearing lest + any doubt might be thrown upon the ardour of my attachment, I yielded at + once, remembering at the moment what my poor friend Tom Bing—Oh + Lord, I'm at it again!" + </p> + <p> + "Sir, I did not hear." + </p> + <p> + "Nothing, ma'am, I was just going to observe, that ladies of a certain + time of life, and widows especially, like a lover that seems a little + ardent or so, all the better." Here Mrs. Bingham blushed, her daughter + bridled, and I nearly suffocated with shame and suppressed laughter. + </p> + <p> + "After a most tender farewell of my bride or wife, I don't know which, I + retired for the night with a mind vacillating between my hopes of + happiness and my fears for the result of a journey so foreign to all my + habits of travelling, and in which I could not but tremble at the many + casualties my habitual laziness and dislike to any hours but of my own + choosing might involve me in. + </p> + <p> + "I had scarcely lain down in bed, ere these thoughts took such possession + of me, that sleep for once in my life was out of the question; and then + the misery of getting up at four in the morning—putting on your + clothes by the flickering light of the porter's candle—getting your + boots on the wrong feet, and all that kind of annoyance—I am sure I + fretted myself into the feeling of a downright martyr before an hour was + over. Well at least, thought I, one thing is well done,—I have been + quite right in coming to sleep here at the Messagerie Hotel, where the + diligence starts from, or the chances are ten to one that I never should + wake till the time was past. Now, however, they are sure to call me; so I + may sleep tranquilly till then. Meanwhile I had forgotten to pack my trunk—my + papers, laying all about the room in a state of considerable confusion. I + rose at once with all the despatch I could muster; this took a long time + to effect, and it was nearly two o'clock ere I finished, and sat down to + smoke a solitary pipe,—the last, as I supposed it might be my lot to + enjoy for heaven knows how long, Mrs. R. having expressed, rather late in + our intimacy I confess, strong opinions against tobacco within doors. + </p> + <p> + "When I had finished my little sac of the 'weed,' the clock struck three, + and I started to think how little time I was destined to have in bed. In + bed! why, said I, there is no use thinking of it now, for I shall scarcely + have lain down ere I shall be obliged to get up again. So thinking, I set + about dressing myself for the road; and by the time I had enveloped myself + in a pair of long Hungarian gaiters, and a kurtcha of sheep's wool, with a + brown bear-skin outside, with a Welsh wig, and a pair of large dark glass + goggles to defend the eyes from the snow, I was not only perfectly + impervious to all effects of the weather, but so thoroughly defended from + any influence of sight or sound, that a volcano might be hissing and + thundering within ten yards of me, without attracting my slightest + attention. Now, I thought, instead of remaining here, I'll just step down + to the coach, and get snugly in the diligence, and having secured the + corner of the coupe, resign myself to sleep with the certainty of not + being left behind, and, probably, too, be some miles on my journey before + awaking. + </p> + <p> + "I accordingly went down stairs, and to my surprise found, even at that + early hour, that many of the garcons of the house were stirring and + bustling about, getting all the luggage up in the huge wooden leviathan + that was to convey us on our road. There they stood, like bees around a + hive, clustering and buzzing, and all so engaged that with difficulty + could I get an answer to my question of, What diligence it was? 'La + diligence pour Paris, Monsieur.' + </p> + <p> + "'Ah, all right then,' said I; so watching an opportunity to do so + unobserved, for I supposed they might have laughed at me, I stepped + quietly into the coupe; and amid the creaking of cordage, and the thumping + of feet on the roof, fell as sound asleep as ever I did in my life—these + sounds coming to my muffled ears, soft as the echoes on the Rhine. When it + was that I awoke I cannot say; but as I rubbed my eyes and yawned after a + most refreshing sleep, I perceived that it was still quite dark all + around, and that the diligence was standing before the door of some inn + and not moving. Ah, thought I, this is the first stage; how naturally one + always wakes at the change of horses,—a kind of instinct implanted + by Providence, I suppose, to direct us to a little refreshment on the + road. With these pious feelings I let down the glass, and called out to + the garcon for a glass of brandy and a cigar. While he was bringing them, + I had time to look about, and perceived, to my very great delight, that I + had the whole coupe to myself. 'Are there any passengers coming in here?' + said I, as the waiter came forward with my petit verre. 'I should think + not, sir,' said the fellow with a leer. 'Then I shall have the whole coupe + to myself?' said I. 'Monsieur need have no fear of being disturbed; I can + safely assure him that he will have no one there for the next twenty-four + hours.' This was really pleasant intelligence; so I chucked him a ten sous + piece, and closing up the window as the morning was cold, once more lay + back to sleep with a success that has never failed me. It was to a bright + blue cloudless sky, and the sharp clear air of a fine day in winter, that + I at length opened my eyes. I pulled out my watch, and discovered it was + exactly two o'clock; I next lowered the glass and looked about me, and + very much to my surprise discovered that the diligence was not moving, but + standing very peaceably in a very crowded congregation of other similar + and dissimilar conveyances, all of which seemed, I thought, to labour + under some physical ailment, some wanting a box, others a body, , and in + fact suggesting the idea of an infirmary for old and disabled carriages of + either sex, mails and others. 'Oh, I have it,' cried I, 'we are arrived at + Mt. Geran, and they are all at dinner, and from my being alone in the + coupe, they have forgotten to call me.' I immediately opened the door and + stepped out into the innyard, crowded with conducteurs, grooms, and + ostlers, who, I thought, looked rather surprised at seeing me emerge from + the diligence. + </p> + <p> + "'You did not know I was there,' said I, with a knowing wink at one of + them as I passed. + </p> + <p> + "'Assurement non,' said the fellow with a laugh, that was the signal for + all the others to join in it. 'Is the table d'hote over?' said I, + regardless of the mirth around me. 'Monsieur is just in time,' said the + waiter, who happened to pass with a soup-tureen in his hand. 'Have the + goodness to step this way.' I had barely time to remark the close + resemblance of the waiter to the fellow who presented me with my brandy + and cigar in the morning, when he ushered me into a large room with about + forty persons sitting at a long table, evidently waiting with impatience + for the 'Potage' to begin their dinner. Whether it was they enjoyed the + joke of having neglected to call me, or that they were laughing at my + travelling costume, I cannot say, but the moment I came in, I could + perceive a general titter run through the assembly. 'Not too late, after + all, gentlemen,' said I, marching gravely up the table. + </p> + <p> + "'Monsieur is in excellent time,' said the host, making room for me beside + his chair. Notwithstanding the incumbrance of my weighty habiliments, I + proceeded to do ample justice to the viands before me, apologizing + laughingly to the host, by pleading a traveller's appetite. + </p> + <p> + "'Then you have perhaps come far this morning,' said a gentleman opposite. + </p> + <p> + "'Yes,' said I, 'I have been on the road since four o'clock.' + </p> + <p> + "'And how are the roads?' said another. 'Very bad,' said I, 'the first few + stages from Lyons, afterwards much better.' This was said at a venture, as + I began to be ashamed of being always asleep before my fellow-travellers. + They did not seem, however, to understand me perfectly; and one old fellow + putting down his spectacles from his forehead, leaned over and said: 'And + where, may I ask, has Monsieur come from this morning?' + </p> + <p> + "'From Lyons,' said I, with the proud air of a man who has done a stout + feat, and is not ashamed of the exploit. + </p> + <p> + "'From Lyons!' said one. 'From Lyons!' cried another. 'From Lyons!' + repeated a third. + </p> + <p> + "'Yes,' said I; 'what the devil is so strange in it; travelling is so + quick now-a-days, one thinks nothing of twenty leagues before dinner.' + </p> + <p> + "The infernal shout of laughing that followed my explanation is still in + my ears; from one end of the table to the other there was one continued + ha, ha, ha—from the greasy host to the little hunchbacked waiter, + they were all grinning away. + </p> + <p> + "'And how did Monsieur travel?' said the old gentleman, who seemed to + carry on the prosecution against me. + </p> + <p> + "'By the diligence, the "Aigle noir,"' said I, giving the name with some + pride, that I was not altogether ignorant of the conveyance. + </p> + <p> + "'The you should certainly not complain of the roads,' said the host + chuckling; 'for the only journey that diligence has made this day has been + from the street-door to the inn-yard; for as they found when the luggage + was nearly packed that the axle was almost broken through, they wheeled it + round to the court, and prepared another for the travellers.' + </p> + <p> + "'And where am I now?' said I. + </p> + <p> + "'In Lyons,' said twenty voices, half choked with laughter at my question. + </p> + <p> + "I was thunderstruck at the news at first; but as I proceeded with my + dinner, I joined in the mirth of the party, which certainly was not + diminished on my telling them the object of my intended journey. + </p> + <p> + "'I think, young man,' said the old fellow with the spectacles, 'that you + should take the occurrence as a warning of Providence that marriage will + not suit you.' I began to be of the same opinion;—but then there was + the jointure. To be sure, I was to give up tobacco; and perhaps I should + not be as free to ramble about as when en garcon. So taking all things + into consideration, I ordered in another bottle of burgundy, to drink Mrs. + Ram's health—got my passport vised for Barege—and set out for + the Pyrenees the same evening." + </p> + <p> + "And have you never heard any thing more of the lady?" said Mrs. Bingham. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, yes. She was faithful to the last; for I found out when at Rome last + winter that she had offered a reward for me in the newspapers, and indeed + had commenced a regular pursuit of me through the whole continent. And to + tell the real fact, I should not now fancy turning my steps towards Paris, + if I had not very tolerable information that she is in full cry after me + through the Wengen Alps, I having contrived a paragraph in Galignani, to + seduce her thither, and where, with the blessing of Providence, if the + snow set in early, she must pass the winter." + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch27" id="ch27"></a>CHAPTER XXVII. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + PARIS. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + <a name="Mr._OLeary_Creating_a_Sensation_at_the_Salon_des_Etranges" + id="Mr._OLeary_Creating_a_Sensation_at_the_Salon_des_Etranges"> Mr. + O'Leary Creating a Sensation at the Salon des Etranges</a> + </h3> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%;"> + <img alt="Ch 27 Mr O'Leary Creating Sensation.jpg (70K)" + src="images/Ch%2027%20Mr%20OLeary%20Creating%20Sensation.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <a href="images2/Ch%2027%20Mr%20OLeary%20Creating%20Sensation.jpg">BLACK + AND WHITE IMAGE</a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + Nothing more worthy of recording occurred before our arrival at Meurice on + the third day of our journey. My friend O'Leary had, with his usual good + fortune, become indispensable to his new acquaintance, and it was not + altogether without some little lurking discontent that I perceived how + much less often my services were called in request since his having joined + our party; his information, notwithstanding its very scanty extent, was + continually relied upon, and his very imperfect French everlastingly + called into requisition to interpret a question for the ladies. Yes, + thought I, "Othello's occupation's gone;" one of two things has certainly + happened, either Mrs. Bingham and her daughter have noticed my continued + abstraction of mind, and have attributed it to the real cause, the + pre-occupation of my affections; or thinking, on the other hand, that I am + desperately in love with one or other of them, have thought that a little + show of preference to Mr. O'Leary may stimulate me to a proposal at once. + In either case I resolved to lose no time in taking my leave, which there + could be no difficulty in doing now, as the ladies had reached their + intended destination, and had numerous friends in Paris to advise and + assist them; besides that I had too long neglected the real object of my + trip, and should lose no time in finding out the Callonbys, and at once + learn what prospect of success awaited me in that quarter. Leaving my fair + friends then to refresh themselves after the journey, and consigning Mr. + O'Leary to the enjoyment of his meershaum, through the aid of which he had + rendered his apartment like a Dutch swamp in autumn, the only portion of + his own figure visible through the mist being his short legs and heavy + shoes. + </p> + <p> + On reaching the house in the Rue de la Paix, where the Callonbys had + resided, I learned that they were still at Baden, and were not expected in + Paris for some weeks; that Lord Kilkee had arrived that morning, and was + then dining at the Embassy, having left an invitation for me to dine with + him on the following day, if I happened to call. As I turned from the + door, uncertain whither to turn my steps, I walked on unconsciously + towards the Boulevard, and occupied as I was, thinking over all the + chances before me, did not perceive where I stood till the bright glare of + a large gas lamp over my head apprised me that I was at the door of the + well known Salon des Etrangers, at the corner of the Rue Richelieu; + carriages, citadines, and vigilantes were crowding, crashing, and + clattering on all sides, as the host of fashion and the gaming-table were + hastening to their champ de bataille. Not being a member of the Salon, and + having little disposition to enter, if I had been, I stood for some + minutes looking at the crowd as it continued to press on towards the + splendid and brilliantly lighted stairs, which leads from the very street + to the rooms of the palace, for such, in the magnificence and luxury of + its decorations, it really is. As I was on the very eve of turning away, a + large and very handsome cab-horse turned the corner from the balustrade, + with the most perfect appointment of harness and carriage I had seen for a + long time. + </p> + <p> + While I continued to admire the taste and propriety of the equipage, a + young man in deep mourning sprung from the inside and stood upon the + pavement before me. "A deux heures, Charles," said he to his servant, as + the cab turned slowly around. The voice struck me as well known. I waited + till he approached the lamp, to catch a glimpse of the face; and what was + my surprise to recognise my cousin, Guy Lorrequer of the 10th, whom I had + not met with for six years before. My first impulse was not to make myself + known to him. Our mutual position with regard to Lady Jane was so much a + mystery, as regarded myself, that I feared the result of any meeting, + until I was sufficiently aware of how matters stood, and whether we were + to meet as friends and relations, or rivals, and consequently enemies. + </p> + <p> + Before I had time to take my resolution, Guy had recognised me, and + seizing me by the hand with both his, called, "Harry, my old friend, how + are you? how long have you been here, and never to call on me? Why man, + what is the meaning of this?" Before I had time to say that I was only a + few hours in Paris, he again interrupted me by saying: "And how comes it + that you are not in mourning? You must surely have heard it." + </p> + <p> + "Heard what?" I cried, nearly hoarse from agitation. "Our poor old friend, + Sir Guy, didn't you know, is dead." Only those who have felt how strong + the ties of kindred are, as they decrease in number, can tell how this + news fell upon my heart. All my poor uncle's kindnesses came one by one + full upon my memory; his affectionate letters of advice; his well-meant + chidings, too, even dearer to me than his praise and approval, completely + unmanned me; and I stood speechless and powerless before my cousin as he + continued to detail to me the rapid progress of Sir Guy's malady, and + attack of gout in the head, which carried him off in three days. Letters + had been sent to me in different places, but none reached; and at the very + moment the clerk of my uncle's lawyer was in pursuit of me through the + highlands, where some mistaken information had induced him to follow me. + </p> + <p> + "You are, therefore," continued Guy, "unaware that our uncle has dealt so + fairly by you, and indeed by both of us; I have got the Somersetshire + estates, which go with the baronetcy; but the Cumberland property is all + yours; and I heartily wish you joy of having nearly eight thousand per + annum, and one of the sweetest villas that ever man fancied on + Derwentwater. But come along here," continued he, and he led me through + the crowded corridor and up the wide stair. "I have much to tell you, and + we can be perfectly alone here; no one will trouble themselves with us." + Unconscious of all around me, I followed Guy along the gilded and + glittering lobby, which led to the Salon, and it was only as the servant + in rich livery came forward to take my hat and cane that I remembered + where I was. Then the full sense of all I had been listening to rushed + upon me, and the unfitness, and indeed the indecency of the place for such + communications as we were engaged in, came most forcibly before me. Sir + Guy, it is true, had always preferred my cousin to me; he it was who was + always destined to succeed both to his title and his estates, and his + wildness and extravagance had ever met with a milder rebuke and weaker + chastisement than my follies and my misfortunes. Yet still he was my last + remaining relative; the only one I possessed in all the world to whom in + any difficulty or trial I had to look up; and I felt, in the very midst of + my newly acquired wealth and riches, poorer and more alone than ever I had + done in my lifetime. I followed Guy to a small and dimly lighted cabinet + off the great salon, where, having seated ourselves, he proceeded to + detail to me the various events which a few short weeks had accomplished. + Of himself he spoke but little, and never once alluded to the Callonbys at + all; indeed all I could learn was that he had left the army, and purposed + remaining for the winter at Paris, where he appeared to have entered into + all its gaiety and dissipation at once. + </p> + <p> + "Of course," said he, "you will give up 'sodgering' now; at the best it is + but poor sport after five and twenty, and is perfectly unendurable when a + man has the means of pushing himself in the gay world; and now, Harry, let + us mix a little among the mob here; for Messieurs les Banquiers don't hold + people in estimation who come here only for the 'chapons au riz.' and the + champagne glacee, as we should seem to do were we to stay here much + longer." + </p> + <p> + Such was the whirl of my thoughts, and so great the confusion in my ideas + from all I had just heard, that I felt myself implicitly following every + direction of my cousin with a child-like obedience, of the full extent of + which I became only conscious when I found myself seated at the table of + the Salon, between my cousin Guy and an old, hard-visaged, + pale-countenanced man, who he told me in a whisper was Vilelle the + Minister. + </p> + <p> + What a study for the man who would watch the passions and emotions of his + fellow-men, would the table of a rouge et noir gambling-house present—the + skill and dexterity which games of other kinds require, being here + wanting, leave the player free to the full abandonment of the passion. The + interest is not a gradually increasing or vacillating one, as fortune and + knowledge of the game favour; the result is uninfluenced by any thing of + his doing; with the last turned card of the croupier is he rich or ruined; + and thus in the very abstraction of the anxiety is this the most painfully + exciting of all gambling whatever; the very rattle of the dice-box to the + hazard player is a relief; and the thought that he is in some way + instrumental in his good or bad fortune gives a turn to his thoughts. + There is something so like the inevitable character of fate associated + with the result of a chance, which you can in no way affect or avert, that + I have, notwithstanding a strong bias for play, ever dreaded and avoided + the rouge et noir table; hitherto prudential motives had their share in + the resolve; a small loss at play becomes a matter of importance to a sub + in a marching regiment; and therefore I was firm in my determination to + avoid the gambling-table. Now my fortunes were altered; and as I looked at + the heap of shining louis d'or, which Guy pushed before me in exchange for + a billet de banque of large amount, I felt the full importance of my + altered position, mingling with the old and long practised prejudices + which years had been accumulating to fix. There is besides some wonderful + fascination to most men in the very aspect of high play: to pit your + fortune against that of another—to see whether or not your luck + shall not exceed some others—are feelings that have a place in most + bosoms, and are certainly, if not naturally existing, most easily + generated in the bustle and excitement of the gambling-house. The + splendour of the decorations; the rich profusion of gilded ornaments; the + large and gorgeously framed mirrors; the sparkling lustres; mingling their + effect with the perfumed air of the apartment, filled with orange trees + and other aromatic shrubs; the dress of the company, among whom were many + ladies in costumes not inferior to those of a court; the glitter of + diamonds; the sparkle of stars and decorations, rendered more magical by + knowing that the wearers were names in history. There, with his round but + ample shoulder, and large massive head, covered with long snow-white hair, + stands Talleyrand, the maker and unmaker of kings, watching with a look of + ill-concealed anxiety the progress of his game. Here is Soult, with his + dogged look and beetled brow; there stands Balzac the author, his gains + here are less derived from the betting than the bettors; he is evidently + making his own of some of them, while in the seeming bon hommie of his + careless manners and easy abandon, they scruple not to trust him with + anecdotes and traits, that from the crucible of his fiery imagination come + forth, like the purified gold from the furnace. And there, look at that + old and weather-beaten man, with grey eyebrows, and moustaches, who throws + from the breast-pocket of his frock ever and anon, a handful of gold + pieces upon the table; he evidently neither knows nor cares for the + amount, for the banker himself is obliged to count over the stake for him—that + is Blucher, the never-wanting attendant at the Salon; he has been an + immense loser, but plays on with the same stern perseverance with which he + would pour his bold cavalry through a ravine torn by artillery; he stands + by the still waning chance with a courage that never falters. + </p> + <p> + One strong feature of the levelling character of a taste for play has + never ceased to impress me most forcibly—not only do the individual + peculiarities of the man give way before the all-absorbing passion—but + stranger still, the very boldest traits of nationality even fade and + disappear before it; and man seems, under the high-pressure power of this + greatest of all stimulants, resolved into a most abstract state. + </p> + <p> + Among all the traits which distinguish Frenchmen from natives of every + country, none is more prominent than a kind of never-failing elasticity of + temperament, which seems almost to defy all the power of misfortune to + depress. Let what will happen, the Frenchman seems to possess some strong + resource within himself, in his ardent temperament, upon which he can draw + at will; and whether on the day after a defeat, the moment of being + deceived in his strongest hopes of returned affection—the overthrow + of some long-cherished wish—it matters not—he never gives way + entirely; but see him at the gaming-table—watch the intense, the + aching anxiety with which his eye follows every card as it falls from the + hand of the croupier—behold the look of cold despair that tracks his + stake as the banker rakes it in among his gains—and you will at once + perceive that here, at least, his wonted powers fail him. No jest escapes + the lips of one, that would badinet upon the steps of the guillotine. The + mocker who would jeer at the torments of revolution, stands like a coward + quailing before the impassive eye and pale cheek of a croupier. While I + continued to occupy myself by observing the different groups about me, I + had been almost mechanically following the game, placing at each deal some + gold upon the table; the result however had interested me so slightly, + that it was only by remarking the attention my game had excited in others, + that my own was drawn towards it. I then perceived that I had permitted my + winnings to accumulate upon the board, and that in the very deal then + commencing, I had a stake of nearly five hundred pounds upon the deal. + </p> + <p> + "Faites votre jeu, le jeu est fait," said the croupier, "trente deux." + </p> + <p> + "You have lost, by Jove," said Guy, in a low whisper, in which I could + detect some trait of agitation. + </p> + <p> + "Trente et une," added the croupier. "Rouge perd, et couleur." + </p> + <p> + There was a regular buz of wonder through the room at my extraordinary + luck, for thus, with every chance against me, I had won again. + </p> + <p> + As the croupier placed the billets de banque upon the table, I overheard + the muttered commendations of an old veteran behind me, upon the coolness + and judgment of my play; so much for fortune, thought I, my judgment + consists in a perfect ignorance of the chances, and my coolness is merely + a thorough indifference to success; whether it was now that the flattery + had its effect upon me, or that the passion for play, so long dormant, had + suddenly seized hold upon me, I know not, but my attention became from + that moment rivetted upon the game, and I played every deal. Guy, who had + been from the first betting with the indifferent success which I have so + often observed to attend upon the calculations of old and experienced + gamblers, now gave up, and employed himself merely in watching my game. + </p> + <p> + "Harry," said he at last, "I am completely puzzled as to whether you are + merely throwing down your louis at hazard, or are not the deepest player I + have ever met with." + </p> + <p> + "You shall see," said I, as I stooped over towards the banker, and + whispered, "how far is the betting permitted?" + </p> + <p> + "Fifteen thousand francs," said the croupier, with a look of surprise. + </p> + <p> + "Then be it," said I; "quinze mille francs, rouge." + </p> + <p> + In a moment the rouge won, and the second deal I repeated the bet, and so + continuing on with the like success; when I was preparing my rouleau for + the fifth, the banquier rose, and saying— + </p> + <p> + "Messiers, la banque est fermee pour ce soir," proceeded to lock his + casette, and close the table. + </p> + <p> + "You are satisfied now," said Guy, rising, "you see you have broke the + banque, and a very pretty incident to commence with your first + introduction to a campaign in Paris." + </p> + <p> + Having changed my gold for notes, I stuffed them, with an air of + well-affected carelessness, into my pocket, and strolled through the + Salon, where I had now become an object of considerably more interest than + all the marshals and ministers about me. + </p> + <p> + "Now, Hal," said Guy, "I'll just order our supper in the cabinet, and join + you in a moment." + </p> + <p> + As I remained for some minutes awaiting Guy's return, my attention was + drawn towards a crowd, in a smaller salon, among whom the usual silent + decorum of the play-table seemed held in but small respect, for every + instant some burst of hearty laughter, or some open expression of joy or + anger burst forth, by which I immediately perceived that they were the + votaries of the roulette table, a game at which the strict propriety and + etiquette ever maintained at rouge et noir, are never exacted. As I + pressed nearer, to discover the cause of the mirth, which every moment + seemed to augment, guess my surprise to perceive among the foremost rank + of the players, my acquaintance, Mr. O'Leary, whom I at that moment + believed to be solacing himself with his meershaum at Meurice. My + astonishment at how he obtained admission to the Salon was even less than + my fear of his recognising me. At no time is it agreeable to find that the + man who is regarded as the buffo of a party turns out to be your friend, + but still less is this so, when the individual claiming acquaintance with + you presents any striking absurdity in his dress or manner, strongly at + contrast with the persons and things about him; and thus it now happened—Mr. + O'Leary's external man, as we met him on the Calais road, with its various + accompaniments of blouse-cap, spectacles, and tobacco-pipe, were nothing + very outre or remarkable, but when the same figure presented itself among + the elegans of the Parisian world, redolent of eau de Portugal, and superb + in the glories of brocade waistcoats and velvet coats, the thing was too + absurd, and I longed to steal away before any chance should present itself + of a recognition. This, however, was impossible, as the crowd from the + other table were all gathered round us, and I was obliged to stand fast, + and trust that the excitement of the game, in which he appeared to be + thoroughly occupied, might keep his eye fixed on another quarter; I now + observed that the same scene in which I had so lately been occupied at the + rouge et noir table, was enacting here, under rather different + circumstances. Mr. O'Leary was the only player, as I had just been—not, + however, because his success absorbed all the interest of the bystanders, + but that, unfortunately, his constant want of it elicited some strong + expression of discontent and mistrust from him, which excited the loud + laughter of the others; but of which, from his great anxiety in his game, + he seemed totally unconscious. + </p> + <p> + "Faites votre jeu, Messieurs," said the croupier. + </p> + <p> + "Wait a bit till I change this," said Mr. O'Leary, producing an English + sovereign; the action interpreted his wishes, and the money was converted + into coupons de jeu. + </p> + <p> + I now discovered one great cause of the mirth of the bystanders, at least + the English portion of them. Mr. O'Leary, when placing his money upon the + table, observed the singular practice of announcing aloud the amount of + his bet, which, for his own information, he not only reduced to English + but also Irish currency; thus the stillness of the room was every instant + broken by a strong Irish accent pronouncing something of this sort—"five + francs," "four and a penny"—"ten francs," "eight and three + ha'pence." The amusement thus caused was increased by the excitement his + losses threw him into. He now ceased to play for several times, when at + last, he made an offering of his usual stake. + </p> + <p> + "Perd," said the croupier, raking in the piece with a contemptuous air at + the smallness of the bet, and in no way pleased that the interest Mr. + O'Leary excited should prevent the other players from betting. + </p> + <p> + "Perd," said O'Leary, "again. Divil another song you sing than 'perd,' and + I'm not quite clear you're not cheating all the while—only, God help + you if you are!" + </p> + <p> + As he so said, the head of a huge black-thorn stick was half protruded + across the table, causing renewed mirth; for, among other regulations, + every cane, however trifling, is always demanded at the door; and thus a + new subject of astonishment arose as to how he had succeeded in carrying + it with him into the salon. + </p> + <p> + "Here's at you again," said O'Leary, regardless of the laughter, and + covering three or four numbers with his jetons. + </p> + <p> + Round went the ball once more, and once more he lost. + </p> + <p> + "Look now, divil a lie in it, he makes them go wherever he pleases. I'll + take a turn now at the tables; fair play's a jewel—and we'll see how + you'll get on." + </p> + <p> + So saying, he proceeded to insinuate himself into the chair of the + croupier, whom he proposed to supersede by no very gentle means. This was + of course resisted, and as the loud mirth of the bystanders grew more and + more boisterous, the cries of "a la porte, a la porte," from the friends + of the bank, rung through the crowd. + </p> + <p> + "Go it, Pat—go it, Pat," said Guy, over my shoulder, who seemed to + take a prodigious interest in the proceedings. + </p> + <p> + At this unexpected recognition of his nativity, for Mr. O'Leary never + suspected he could be discovered by his accent; he looked across the + table, and caught my eye at once. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, I'm safe now! stand by me, Mr. Lorrequer, and we'll clear the room." + </p> + <p> + So saying, and without any further provocation, he upset the croupier, + chair and all, with one sudden jerk upon the floor, and giving a + tremendous kick to the casette, sent all the five-franc pieces flying over + him; he then jumped upon the table, and brandishing his black-thorn + through the ormolu lustre, scattered the wax-lights on all sides, + accompanying the exploit by a yell that would have called up all Connemara + at midnight, if it had only been heard there; in an instant, the gens + d'armes, always sufficiently near to be called in if required, came + pouring into the room, and supposing the whole affair had been a + preconcerted thing to obtain possession of the money in the bank, + commenced capturing different members of the company who appeared, by + enjoying the confusion, to be favouring and assisting it. My cousin Guy + was one of the first so treated—a proceeding to which he responded + by an appeal rather in favour with most Englishmen, and at once knocked + down the gen d'arme; this was the signal for a general engagement, and + accordingly, before an explanation could possibly be attempted, a most + terrific combat ensued. The Frenchmen in the room siding with the gen + d'armerie, and making common cause against the English; who, although + greatly inferior in number, possessed considerable advantage, from long + habit in street-rows and boxing encounters. As for myself, I had the good + fortune to be pitted against a very pursy and unwieldy Frenchman, who + sacre'd to admiration, but never put in a single blow at me; while, + therefore, I amused myself practising what old Cribb called "the one, + two," upon his fat carcase, I had abundant time and opportunity to watch + all that was doing about me, and truly a more ludicrous affair I never + beheld. Imagine about fifteen or sixteen young Englishmen, most of them + powerful, athletic fellows, driving an indiscriminate mob of about five + times their number before them, who, with courage enough to resist, were + yet so totally ignorant of the boxing art, that they retreated, pell-mell, + before the battering phalanx of their sturdy opponents—the most + ludicrous figure of all being Mr. O'Leary himself, who, standing upon the + table, laid about him with a brass lustre that he had unstrung, and did + considerable mischief with this novel instrument of warfare, crying out + the entire time, "murder every mother's son of them," "give them another + taste of Waterloo." Just as he had uttered the last patriotic sentiment, + he received a slight admonition from behind, by the point of a gen + d'arme's sword, which made him leap from the table with the alacrity of a + harlequin, and come plump down among the thickest of the fray. My + attention was now directed elsewhere, for above all the din and "tapage" + of the encounter I could plainly hear the row-dow-dow of the drums, and + the measured tread of troops approaching, and at once guessed that a + reinforcement of the gen d'armerie were coming up. Behind me there was a + large window, with a heavy scarlet curtain before it; my resolution was at + once taken, I floored my antagonist, whom I had till now treated with the + most merciful forbearance, and immediately sprung behind the curtain. A + second's consideration showed that in the search that must ensue this + would afford no refuge, so I at once opened the sash, and endeavoured to + ascertain at what height I was above the ground beneath me; the night was + so dark that I could see nothing, but judging from the leaves and twigs + that reached to the window, that it was a garden beneath, and auguring + from the perfumed smell of the shrubs, that they could not be tall trees, + I resolved to leap, a resolve I had little time to come to, for the step + of the soldiers was already heard upon the stair. Fixing my hat then down + upon my brows, and buttoning my coat tightly, I let myself down from the + window-stool by my hands, and fell upon my legs in the soft earth of the + garden, safe and unhurt. From the increased clamour and din overhead, I + could learn the affray was at its height, and had little difficulty in + detecting the sonorous accent and wild threats of my friend Mr. O'Leary, + high above all the other sounds around him. I did not wait long, however, + to enjoy them; but at once set about securing my escape from my present + bondage. In this I had little difficulty, for I was directed by a light to + a small door, which, as I approached, found that it led into the den of + the Concierge, and also communicated by another door with the street. I + opened it, therefore, at once, and was in the act of opening the second, + when I felt myself seized by the collar by a strong hand; and on turning + round saw the sturdy figure of the Concierge himself, with a drawn bayonet + within a few inches of my throat, "Tenez, mon ami," said I quietly, and + placing half a dozen louis, some of my recent spoils, in his hand, at once + satisfied him that, even if I were a robber, I was at least one that + understood and respected the conveniences of society. He at once + relinquished his hold and dropped his weapon, and pulling off his cap with + one hand, to draw the cord which opened the Porte Cochere with the other, + bowed me politely to the street. I had scarcely had time to insinuate + myself into the dense mass of people whom the noise and confusion within + had assembled around the house, when the double door of the building + opened, and a file of gens d'armerie came forth, leading between them my + friend Mr. O'Leary and some others of the rioters—among whom I + rejoiced to find my cousin did not figure. If I were to judge from his + disordered habiliments and scarred visage, Mr. O'Leary's resistance to the + constituted authorities must have been a vigorous one, and the drollery of + his appearance was certainly not decreased by his having lost the entire + brim of his hat—the covering of his head bearing, under these + distressing circumstances, a strong resemblance to a saucepan. + </p> + <p> + As I could not at that moment contribute in any way to his rescue, I + determined on the following day to be present at his examination, and + render him all the assistance in my power. Meanwhile, I returned to + Meurice, thinking of every adventure of the evening much more than of my + own changed condition and altered fortunes. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch28" id="ch28"></a>CHAPTER XXVIII. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + PARIS. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + The first thing which met my eye, when waking in the morning, after the + affair at the salon, was the rouleau of billets de banque which I had won + at play; and it took several minutes before I could persuade myself that + the entire recollection of the evening had any more solid foundation than + a heated brain and fevered imagination. The sudden spring, from being a + subaltern in the __th, with a few hundreds per annum—"pour tout + potage," to becoming the veritable proprietor of several thousands, with a + handsome house in Cumberland, was a consideration which I could scarcely + admit into my mind—so fearful was I, that the very first occurrence + of the day should dispel the illusion, and throw me back into the dull + reality which I was hoping to escape from. + </p> + <p> + There is no adage more true than the old Latin one—"that what we + wish, we readily believe;" so, I had little difficulty in convincing + myself that all was as I desired—although, certainly, my confused + memory of the past evening contributed little to that conviction. It was, + then, amid a very whirl of anticipated pleasures, and new schemes for + enjoying life, that I sat down to a breakfast, at which, that I might lose + no time in commencing my race, I had ordered the most recherche viands + which even French cookery can accomplish for the occasion. + </p> + <p> + My plans were soon decided upon. I resolved to remain only long enough in + Paris to provide myself with a comfortable travelling carriage—secure + a good courier—and start for Baden; when I trusted that my + pretensions, whatever favour they might have been once received with, + would certainly now, at least, be listened to with more prospect of being + successful. + </p> + <p> + I opened the Galignani's paper of the day, to direct me in my search, and + had scarcely read a few lines before a paragraph caught my eye, which not + a little amused me; it was headed—Serious riot at the Salon des + Etrangers, and attempt to rob the Bank:— + </p> + <p> + "Last evening, among the persons who presented themselves at the table of + this fashionable resort, were certain individuals, who, by their names and + dress bespoke any thing rather than the rank and condition of those who + usually resort there, and whose admission is still unexplained, + notwithstanding the efforts of the police to unravel the mystery. The + proprietors of the bank did not fail to remark these persons; but + scrupled, from fear of disturbing the propriety of the salon, to take the + necessary steps for their exclusion—reserving their attention to the + adoption of precautions against such intrusion in future—unfortunately, + as it turned out eventually, for, towards eleven o'clock, one of these + individuals, having lost a considerable sum at play, proceeded in a very + violent and outrageous manner to denounce the bank, and went so far as to + accuse the croupier of cheating. This language having failed to excite the + disturbance it was evidently intended to promote, was soon followed up by + a most dreadful personal attack upon the banquier, in which he was thrown + from his seat, and the cassette, containing several thousand francs in + gold and notes, immediately laid hold of. The confusion now became + considerable, and it was apparent, that the whole had been a pre-concerted + scheme. Several persons, leaping upon the table, attempted to extinguish + the great lustre of the salon, in which bold attempt, they were most + spiritedly resisted by some of the other players and the gens-d'arme, who + had by this time arrived in force. The riot was quelled after a prolonged + and desperate resistance, and the rioters, with the exception of two, were + captured, and conveyed to prison, where they await the result of a + judicial investigation—of which we shall not fail to lay the + particulars before our readers. + </p> + <p> + "Since our going to press, we have learned that one of the ringleaders in + this vile scheme is a noted English escroc—a swindler, who was + already arrest at C____ for travelling with a false passport; but who + contrives, by some collusion with another of the gang, to evade the local + authorities. If this be the case, we trust he will speedily be detected + and brought to punishment." + </p> + <p> + Whatever amusement I had found in reading the commencing portion of this + ridiculous misstatement, the allusion in the latter part by no means + afforded me equal pleasure; and I saw, in one rapid glance, how much + annoyance, and how many delays and impediments—a charge even of this + ridiculous nature, might give rise to in my present circumstances. My + passport, however, will settle all—thought I—as I thrust my + hand towards my pocket, in which I had placed it along with some letters. + </p> + <p> + Guess my misery, to discover that the whole of the pocket had been cut + away, probably in the hope of obtaining the billets de banque I had won at + play, but which I had changed from that pocket to a breast one on leaving + the table. This at once led me to suspect that there might be some truth + in the suspicion of the newspaper writer of a pre-concerted scheme, and at + once explained to me what had much puzzled me before—the extreme + rapidity with which the elements of discord were propagated, for the whole + affair was the work of a few seconds. While I continued to meditate on + these matters, the waiter entered with a small note in an envelope, which + a commissionaire had just left at the hotel for me, and went away, saying + there was no answer. I opened it hastily, and read:— + </p> + <blockquote> + <blockquote> + <p> + "Dear H.—The confounded affair of last night has induced me to + leave this for a few days; besides that I have obtained a most + excellent reason for absenting myself in the presence of a black eye, + which will prevent my appearance in public for a week to come. As you + are a stranger here, you need not fear being detected. With all its + desagremens, I can't help laughing at the adventure, and I am heartily + glad to have had the opportunity of displaying old Jackson's science + upon those wretched gens-d'arme. + </p> + <p> + "Your, truly,<br /> "G.L." + </p> + </blockquote> + </blockquote> + <p> + This, certainly, thought I, improves my position. Here is my cousin Guy + —the only one to whom, in any doubt or difficulty here, I could + refer—here he is—flown, without letting me know where to + address him or find him out. I rung my bell hastily, and having written a + line on my card, requesting Lord Kilkee to come to me as soon as he could, + despatched it to the Rue de la Paix. The messenger soon returned with an + answer, that Lord Kilkee had been obliged to leave Paris late the evening + before, having received some important letters from Baden. My anxiety now + became greater. I did not know but that the moment I ventured to leave the + hotel I should be recognised by some of the witnesses of the evening's + fray; and all thoughts of succouring poor O'Leary were completely + forgotten in my fear for the annoyances the whole of this ridiculous + affair might involve me in. Without any decision as to my future steps, I + dressed myself, and proceeded to pay my respects to Mrs. Bingham and her + daughter, who were in the same hotel, and whom I had not seen since our + arrival. + </p> + <p> + As I entered the drawing-room, I was surprised to find Miss Bingham alone. + She appeared to have been weeping—at least the efforts she made to + appear easy and in good spirits contrasted a good deal with the expression + of her features as I came in. To my inquiries for Mrs. Bingham, I received + for answer that the friends Mrs. Bingham had expected having left a few + days before for Baden, she had resolved on following them, and had now + merely driven out to make a few purchases before her departure, which was + to take place in the morning. + </p> + <p> + There is something so sad in the thought of being deserted and left by + one's friends under any circumstances, that I cannot express how much this + intelligence affected me. It seemed, too, like the last stroke of bad news + filling up the full measure, that I was to be suddenly deprived of the + society of the very few friends about me, just as I stood most in need of + them. + </p> + <p> + Whether or not Miss Bingham noticed my embarrassment, I cannot say; but + certainly she seemed not displeased, and there was in the half-encouraging + tone of her manner something which led me to suspect that she was not + dissatisfied with the impression her news seemed to produce upon me. + </p> + <p> + Without at all alluding to my own improved fortune, or to the events of + the preceding night, I began to talk over the coming journey, and + expressed my sincere regret that, having lost my passport under + circumstances which might create some delay in retrieving it, I could not + join their party as I should otherwise have done. + </p> + <p> + Miss Bingham heard this speech with rather more emotion than so simple a + declaration was calculated to produce; and, while she threw down her eyes + beneath their long dark lashes, and coloured slightly, asked— + </p> + <p> + "And did you really wish to come with us?" + </p> + <p> + "Undoubtedly," said I. + </p> + <p> + "And is there no other objection than the passport?" + </p> + <p> + "None whatever," said I, warming as I spoke, for the interest she appeared + to take in me completely upset all my calculations, besides that I had + never seen her looking so handsome, and that, as the French wisely remark, + "vaut toujours quelque chose." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, then, pray come with us, which you can do, for mamma has just got her + passport for her nephew along with her own; and as we really don't want + him, nor he us, we shall both be better pleased to be free of each other, + and you can easily afterwards have your own forwarded to Baden by post." + </p> + <p> + "Ah, but," said I, "how shall I be certain, if I take so flattering an + offer, that you will forgive me for filling up the place of the dear + cousin; for, if I conjecture aright, it is 'Le Cher Edouard' that purposes + to be your companion." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, you have guessed quite correctly; but you must not tax me with + inconsistency, but really I have grown quite tired of my poor cousin, + since I saw him last night." + </p> + <p> + "And you used to admire him prodigiously." + </p> + <p> + "Well, well, that is all true, but I do so no longer." + </p> + <p> + "Eh! perche," said I, looking cunningly in her eye. + </p> + <p> + "For reasons that Mr. Lorrequer shall never know if he has to ask them," + said the poor girl, covering her eyes with her hands, and sobbing + bitterly. + </p> + <p> + What I thought, said, or did upon this occasion, with all my most sincere + desire to make a "clean breast of it in these confessions," I know not; + but this I do know, that two hours after, I found myself still sitting + upon the sofa beside Miss Bingham, whom I had been calling Emily all the + while, and talking more of personal matters and my own circumstances than + is ever safe or prudent for a young man to do with any lady under the age + of his mother. + </p> + <p> + All that I can now remember of this interview, is the fact of having + arranged my departure in the manner proposed by Miss Bingham—a + proposition to which I acceded with an affectation of satisfaction that I + fear went very far to deceive my fair friend. Not that the pleasure I felt + in the prospect was altogether feigned; but certainly the habit of being + led away by the whim and temper of the moment had so much become part of + my nature, that I had long since despaired of ever guarding myself against + the propensity I had acquired, of following every lead which any one might + throw out for me. And thus, as poor Harry Lorrequer was ever the first man + to get into a row at the suggestion of a friend, so he only waited the + least possible pressing on any occasion, to involve himself in any scrape + or misfortune that presented itself, provided there was only some one good + enough to advise him to do so. + </p> + <p> + As I entered my own room, to make preparations for my departure, I could + not help thinking over all the events thus crowded into the space of a few + hours. My sudden possession of wealth—my prospects at Callonby still + undecided—my scrape at the Salon—my late interview with Miss + Bingham, in which I had only stopped short of a proposal to marry, were + almost sufficient to occupy any reasonable mind; and so I was beginning to + suspect, when the waiter informed me that the Commissaire of Police was in + waiting below, and wished to speak to me. Affecting some surprise at the + request which I at once perceived the object of, I desired him to be + introduced. I was quite correct in my guess. The information of my being + concerned in the affair at the Salon had been communicated to the + authorities, and the Commissaire had orders to obtain bail for my + appearance at the Tribunal de Justice, on that day week, or commit me at + once to prison. The Commissaire politely gave me till evening to procure + the required bail, satisfying himself that he could adopt measures to + prevent my escape, and took his leave. He had scarcely gone when Mr. + Edward Bingham was announced—the reason for this visit I could not + so easily divine; but I had little time allowed for my conjectures, as the + same instant a very smart, dapper little gentleman presented himself, + dressed in all the extravagance of French mode. His hair, which was + permitted to curl upon his shoulders, was divided along the middle of the + head; his moustaches were slightly upturned and carefully waxed, and his + small chin-tuft or Henri-quatre most gracefully pointed; he wore three + most happily contrasting coloured waistcoats, and spurs of glittering + brass. His visit was of scarcely five minutes' duration; but was evidently + the opening of a breaching battery by the Bingham family in all form—the + object of which I could at least guess at. + </p> + <p> + My embarrassments were not destined to end here; for scarcely had I + returned Mr. Bingham's eighth salutation at the head of the staircase, + when another individual presented himself before me. This figure was in + every respect the opposite of my last visitor. Although framed perfectly + upon the late Parisian school of dandyism, his, however, was the "ecole + militaire." Le Capitaine Eugene de Joncourt, for so he introduced himself, + was a portly personage, of about five-and-thirty or forty years of age, + with that mixture of bon hommie and ferocity in his features which the + soldiers of Napoleon's army either affected or possessed naturally. His + features, which were handsome, and the expression of which was pleasing, + were, as it seemed, perverted, by the warlike turn of a most terrific pair + of whiskers and moustaches, from their naturally good-humoured bent; and + the practised frown and quick turn of his dark eye were evidently only the + acquired advantages of his military career; a handsome mouth, with + singularly regular and good teeth, took much away from the farouche look + of the upper part of his face; and contributed, with the aid of a most + pleasing voice, to impress you in his favour; his dress was a blue braided + frock, decorated with the cordon of the legion; but neither these, nor the + clink of his long cavalry spurs, were necessary to convince you that the + man was a soldier; besides that, there was that mixture of urbanity and + aplomb in his manner which showed him to be perfectly accustomed to the + usages of the best society. + </p> + <p> + "May I beg to know," said he, as he seated himself slowly, "if this card + contains your name and address," handing me at the same moment one of my + visiting cards. I immediately replied in the affirmative. + </p> + <p> + "You are then in the English service?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes." + </p> + <p> + "Then, may I entreat your pardon for the trouble of these questions, and + explain the reason of my visit. I am the friend of Le Baron D'Haulpenne, + with whom you had the altercation last night in the Salon, and in whose + name I have come to request the address of a friend on your part." + </p> + <p> + Ho, ho, thought I, the Baron is then the stout gentleman that I pummelled + so unmercifully near the window; but how came he by my card; and besides, + in a row of that kind, I am not aware how far the matter can be conceived + to go farther, than what happens at the moment. These were the thoughts of + a second of time, and before I could reply any thing, the captain resumed. + </p> + <p> + "You seem to have forgotten the circumstance, and so indeed should I like + to do; but unfortunately D'Haulpenne says that you struck him with your + walking-cane, so you know, under such a state of things, there is but one + course." + </p> + <p> + "But gently," added I, "I had no cane whatever the last evening." + </p> + <p> + "Oh! I beg pardon," interrupted he; "but my friend is most positive in his + account, and describes the altercation as having continued from the Salon + to the street, when you struck him, and at the same time threw him your + card. Two of our officers were also present; and although, as it appears + from your present forgetfulness, that the thing took place in the heat and + excitement of the moment, still—" + </p> + <p> + "But still," said I, catching up his last words, "I never did strike the + gentleman as you describe—never had any altercation in the street—and—" + </p> + <p> + "Is that your address?" said the Frenchman, with a slight bow. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, certainly it is." + </p> + <p> + "Why then," said he, with a slight curl of his upper lip—half smile, + half derision— + </p> + <p> + "Oh! make yourself perfectly easy," I replied. "If any one has by an + accident made use of my name, it shall not suffer by such a mistake. I + shall be quite at your service, the moment I can find out a friend to + refer you to." + </p> + <p> + I had much difficulty to utter these few words with a suitable degree of + temper, so stung was I by the insolent demeanour of the Frenchman, whose + coolness and urbanity seemed only to increase every moment. + </p> + <p> + "Then I have the honour to salute you," said he, rising with great + mildness in his voice; "and shall take the liberty to leave my card for + the information of your friend." + </p> + <p> + So saying, he placed his card upon the table—"Le Capitaine Eugene de + Joncourt, Cuirassiers de la Garde." + </p> + <p> + "I need not press upon Monsieur the value of despatch." + </p> + <p> + "I shall not lose a moment," said I, as he clattered down the stairs of + the hotel, with that perfect swaggering nonchalance which a Frenchman is + always an adept in; and I returned to my room, to meditate upon my + numerous embarrassments, and think over the difficulties which every + moment was contributing to increase the number of. + </p> + <p> + "The indictment has certainly many counts," thought I. + </p> + <p> + Imprimis—A half-implied, but fully comprehended promise to marry a + young lady, with whom, I confess, I only intend to journey this life—as + far as Baden. + </p> + <p> + Secondly, a charge of swindling—for such the imputation goes to—at + the Salon. + </p> + <p> + Thirdly, another unaccountable delay in joining the Callonbys, with whom I + am every hour in the risque of being "compromis;" and lastly, a duel in + perspective with some confounded Frenchman, who is at this very moment + practising at a pistol gallery. + </p> + <p> + Such were the heads of my reflections, and such the agreeable impressions + my visit to Paris was destined to open with; how they were to be followed + up I reserve for another chapter. <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch29" id="ch29"></a>CHAPTER XXIX. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + CAPTAIN TREVANION'S ADVENTURE. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + <a name="Trevanion_Astonishing_the_Bully_Gendemar" + id="Trevanion_Astonishing_the_Bully_Gendemar">Trevanion Astonishing the + Bully Gendemar</a> + </h3> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%;"> + <img alt="Ch 29 Trevanion Astonishing the Bully.jpg (68K)" + src="images/Ch%2029%20Trevanion%20Astonishing%20the%20Bully.jpg" + width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <a href="images2/Ch%2029%20Trevanion%20Astonishing%20the%20Bully.jpg">BLACK + AND WHITE IMAGE</a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + As the day was now waning apace, and I was still unprovided with any one + who could act as my second, I set out upon a search through the various + large hotels in the neighbourhood, trusting that amid my numerous + acquaintance I should be fortunate enough to find some of them at Paris. + With a most anxious eye I scanned the lists of arrivals at the usual + haunts of my countrymen, in the Rue Rivoli, and the Place Vendome, but + without success; there were long catalogues of "Milors," with their + "couriers," but not one name known to me in the number. + </p> + <p> + I repaired to Galignani's library, which, though crowded as ever with + English, did not present to me one familiar face. From thence I turned + into the Palais Royale, and at last, completely jaded by walking, and sick + from disappointment, I sat down upon a bench in the Tuilleries Garden. + </p> + <p> + I had scarcely been there many minutes when a gentleman accosted me in + English, saying, "May I ask if this be your property?" showing, at the + same time, a pocket-book which I had inadvertently dropped in pulling out + my handkerchief. As I thanked him for his attention, and was about to turn + away, I perceived that he continued to look very steadily at me. At length + he said, + </p> + <p> + "I think I am not mistaken; I have the pleasure to see Mr. Lorrequer, who + may perhaps recollect my name, Trevanion of the 43rd. The last time we met + was at Malta." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, I remember perfectly. Indeed I should be very ungrateful if I did + not; for to your kind offices there I am indebted for my life. You must + surely recollect the street row at the 'Caserne?'" + </p> + <p> + "Yes; that was a rather brisk affair while it lasted; but, pray, how long + are you here?" + </p> + <p> + "Merely a few days; and most anxious am I to leave as soon as possible; + for, independently of pressing reasons to wish myself elsewhere, I have + had nothing but trouble and worry since my arrival, and at this instant am + involved in a duel, without the slightest cause that I can discover, and, + what is still worse, without the aid of a single friend to undertake the + requisite negociation for me." + </p> + <p> + "If my services can in any way assist—" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, my dear captain, this is really so great a favour that I cannot say + how much I thank you." + </p> + <p> + "Say nothing whatever, but rest quite assured that I am completely at your + disposal; for although we are not very old friends, yet I have heard so + much of you from some of ours, that I feel as if we had been long + acquainted." + </p> + <p> + This was an immense piece of good fortune to me; for, of all the persons I + knew, he was the most suited to aid me at this moment. In addition to a + thorough knowledge of the continent and its habits, he spoke French + fluently, and had been the most renomme authority in the duello to a large + military acquaintance; joining to a consummate tact and cleverness in his + diplomacy, a temper that never permitted itself to be ruffled, and a most + unexceptionable reputation for courage. In a word, to have had Trevanion + for your second, was not only to have secured odds in your favour, but, + still better, to have obtained the certainty that, let the affair take + what turn it might, you were sure of coming out of it with credit. He was + the only man I have ever met, who had much mixed himself in transactions + of this nature, and yet never, by any chance, had degenerated into the + fire-eater; more quiet, unassuming manners it was impossible to meet with, + and, in the various anecdotes I have heard of him, I have always traced a + degree of forbearance, that men of less known bravery might not venture to + practise. At the same time, when once roused by any thing like + premeditated insult—or pre-determined affront—he became almost + ungovernable, and it would be safer to beard the lion in his den than + cross his path. Among the many stories, and there were a great many + current in his regiment concerning him, there was one so singularly + characteristic of the man, that, as I have passingly mentioned his name + here, I may as well relate it; at the same time premising that, as it is + well known, I may only be repeating an often-heard tale to many of my + readers. + </p> + <p> + When the regiment to which Trevanion belonged became part of the army of + occupation in Paris, he was left at Versailles seriously ill from the + effects of a sabre-wound he received at Waterloo, and from which his + recovery at first was exceedingly doubtful. At the end of several weeks, + however, he became out of danger, and was able to receive the visits of + his brother officers, whenever they were fortunate enough to obtain a + day's leave of absence, to run down and see him. From them he learned that + one of his oldest friends in the regiment had fallen in a duel, during the + time of his illness, and that two other officers were dangerously wounded—one + of whom was not expected to survive. When he inquired as to the reasons of + these many disasters, he was informed that since the entrance of the + allies into Paris, the French officers, boiling with rage and indignation + at their recent defeat, and smarting under the hourly disgrace which the + presence of their conquerors suggested, sought out, by every means in + their power, opportunities of insult; but always so artfully contrived as + to render the opposite party the challenger, thus reserving to themselves + the choice of weapons. When therefore it is borne in mind that the French + are the most expert swordsmen in Europe, little doubt can exist as to the + issue of these combats; and, in fact, scarcely a morning passed without + three or four English or Prussian officers being carried through the + Barriere de l'Etoile, if not dead, at least seriously wounded, and + condemned to carry with them through life the inflictions of a sanguinary + and savage spirit of revenge. + </p> + <p> + While Trevanion listened to this sad recital, and scarcely did a day come + without adding to the long catalogue of disasters, he at once perceived + that the quiet deportment and unassuming demeanour which so strongly + characterise the English officer, were construed by their French opponents + into evidences of want of courage, and saw that to so systematic a plan + for slaughter no common remedy could be applied, and that some "coup + d'etat" was absolutely necessary, to put it down once and for ever. + </p> + <p> + In the history of these sanguinary rencontres, one name was continually + recurring, generally as the principal, sometimes the instigator of the + quarrel. This was an officer of a chasseur regiment, who had the + reputation of being the best swordsman in the whole French army, and was + no less distinguished for his "skill at fence," than his uncompromising + hatred of the British, with whom alone, of all the allied forces, he was + ever known to come in contact. So celebrated was the "Capitaine Augustin + Gendemar" for his pursuits, that it was well known at that time in Paris + that he was the president of a duelling club, associated for the express + and avowed object of provoking to insult, and as certainly dooming to + death every English officer upon whom they could fasten a quarrel. + </p> + <p> + The Cafe Philidor, at that period in the Rue Vivienne, was the rendezvous + of this reputable faction, and here "le Capitaine" reigned supreme, + receiving accounts of the various "affairs" which were transacting—counselling + and plotting for the future. His ascendancy among his countrymen was + perfectly undisputed, and being possessed of great muscular strength, with + that peculiarly "farouche" exterior, without which courage is nothing in + France, he was in every way calculated for the infamous leadership he + assumed. + </p> + <p> + It was, unfortunately, to this same cafe, being situated in what was + called the English quarter, that the officers of the 43rd regiment were in + the habit of resorting, totally unaware of the plots by which they were + surrounded, and quite unsuspecting the tangled web of deliberate and + cold-blooded assassination in which they were involved, and here took + place the quarrel, the result of which was the death of Trevanion's + friend, a young officer of great promise, and universally beloved in his + regiment. + </p> + <p> + As Trevanion listened to these accounts, his impatience became daily + greater, that his weak state should prevent his being among his brother + officers, when his advice and assistance were so imperatively required, + and where, amid all the solicitude for his perfect recovery, he could not + but perceive they ardently wished for him. + </p> + <p> + The day at last arrived, and restored to something like his former self, + Trevanion once more appeared in the mess-room of his regiment. Amid the + many sincere and hearty congratulations on his recovered looks, were not a + few half-expressed hints that he might not go much out into the world for + some little time to come. To these friendly admonitions Trevanion replied + by a good-humoured laugh, and a ready assurance that he understood the + intended kindness, and felt in no wise disposed to be invalided again. "In + fact," said he, "I have come up here to enjoy life a little, not to risque + it; but, among the sights of your gay capital, I must certainly have a + peep at your famed captain, of whom I have heard too much not to feel an + interest in him." + </p> + <p> + Notwithstanding the many objections to this, made with a view to delay his + visit to the Philidor to a later period, it was at length agreed, that + they should all repair to the cafe that evening, but upon the express + understanding that every cause of quarrel should be strictly avoided, and + that their stay should be merely sufficient to satisfy Trevanion's + curiosity as to the personnel of the renomme captain. + </p> + <p> + It was rather before the usual hour of the cafe's filling, that a number + of English officers, among whom was Trevanion, entered the "salon" of the + "Philidor;" having determined not to attract any unusual attention, they + broke into little knots and parties of threes and fours, and dispersed + through the room, where they either sipped their coffee or played at + dominoes, then, as now, the staple resource of a French cafe. + </p> + <p> + The clock over the "comptoir" struck eight, and, at the same instant, a + waiter made his appearance, carrying a small table, which he placed beside + the fire, and, having trimmed a lamp, and placed a large fauteuil before + it, was about to withdraw, when Trevanion, whose curiosity was roused by + the singularity of these arrangements, determined upon asking for whose + comfort they were intended. The waiter stared for a moment at the + question, with an air as if doubting the seriousness of him who put it, + and at last replied—"Pour Monsieur le Capitaine, je crois," with a + certain tone of significance upon the latter words. + </p> + <p> + "Le Capitaine! but what captain?" said he, carelessly; "for I am a + captain, and that gentleman there—and there, too, is another," at + the same instant throwing himself listlessly into the well-cushioned + chair, and stretching out his legs at full length upon the hearth. + </p> + <p> + The look of horror which this quiet proceeding on his part, elicited from + the poor waiter, so astonished him that he could not help saying—"is + there any thing the matter with you, my friend; are you ill?" + </p> + <p> + "No, monsieur, not ill; nothing the matter with me; but you, sir; oh, you, + sir, pray come away." + </p> + <p> + "Me," said Trevanion; "me! why, my good man, I was never better in my + life; so now just bring me my coffee and the Moniteur, if you have it; + there, don't stare that way, but do as I bid you." + </p> + <p> + There was something in the assured tone of these few words that either + overawed or repressed every rising feeling of the waiter, for his + interrogator; for, silently handing his coffee and the newspaper, he left + the room; not, however, without bestowing a parting glance so full of + terror and dismay that our friend was obliged to smile at it. All this was + the work of a few minutes, and not until the noise of new arrivals had + attracted the attention of his brother officers, did they perceive where + he had installed himself, and to what danger he was thus, as they + supposed, unwittingly exposed. + </p> + <p> + It was now, however, too late for remonstrance; for already several French + officers had noticed the circumstance, and by their interchange of looks + and signs, openly evinced their satisfaction at it, and their delight at + the catastrophe which seemed inevitable to the luckless Englishman. + </p> + <p> + In perfect misery at what they conceived their own fault, in not apprising + him of the sacred character of that place, they stood silently looking at + him as he continued to sip his coffee, apparently unconscious of every + thing and person about him. + </p> + <p> + There was now a more than ordinary silence in the cafe, which at all times + was remarkable for the quiet and noiseless demeanour of its frequenters, + when the door was flung open by the ready waiter, and the Capitaine + Augustin Gendemar entered. He was a large, squarely-built man, with a most + savage expression of countenance, which a bushy beard and shaggy + overhanging moustache served successfully to assist; his eyes were shaded + by deep, projecting brows, and long eyebrows slanting over them, and + increasing their look of piercing sharpness; there was in his whole air + and demeanour that certain French air of swaggering bullyism, which ever + remained in those who, having risen from the ranks, maintained the look of + ruffianly defiance which gave their early character for courage peculiar + merit. + </p> + <p> + To the friendly salutations of his countrymen he returned the slightest + and coldest acknowledgments, throwing a glance of disdain around him as he + wended his way to his accustomed place beside the fire; this he did with + as much of noise and swagger as he could well contrive; his sabre and + sabretasch clanking behind, his spurs jangling, and his heavy step, made + purposely heavier to draw upon him the notice and attention he sought for. + Trevanion alone testified no consciousness of his entrance, and appeared + totally engrossed by the columns of his newspaper, from which he never + lifted his eyes for an instant. Le Capitaine at length reached the + fire-place, when, no sooner did he behold his accustomed seat in the + possession of another, than he absolutely started back with surprise and + anger. + </p> + <p> + What might have been his first impulse it is hard to say, for, as the + blood rushed to his face and forehead, he clenched his hands firmly, and + seemed for an instant, as he eyed the stranger, like a tiger about to + spring upon its victim; this was but for a second, for turning rapidly + round towards his party, he gave them a look of peculiar meaning, showing + two rows of white teeth, with a grin which seemed to say, "I have taken my + line;" and he had done so. He now ordered the waiter, in a voice of + thunder, to bring him a chair, this he took roughly from him, and placed, + with a crash, upon the floor, exactly opposite that of Trevanion, and + still so near as scarcely to permit of his sitting down upon it. The noisy + vehemence of this action at last appeared to have roused Trevanion's + attention, for he now, for the first time, looked up from his paper, and + quietly regarded his vis-a-vis. There could not in the world be a stronger + contrast to the bland look and courteous expression of Trevanion's + handsome features, than the savage scowl of the enraged Frenchman, in + whose features the strong and ill-repressed workings of passion were + twitching and distorting every lineament and line; indeed no words could + ever convey one half so forcibly as did that look, insult—open, + palpable, deep, determined insult. + </p> + <p> + Trevanion, whose eyes had been merely for a moment lifted from his paper, + again fell, and he appeared to take no notice whatever of the + extraordinary proximity of the Frenchman, still less of the savage and + insulting character of his looks. + </p> + <p> + Le Capitaine, having thus failed to bring on the eclaircissement he sought + for, proceeded to accomplish it by other means; for, taking the lamp, by + the light of which Trevanion was still reading, he placed it at his side + of the table, and at the same instant stretching across his arm, he + plucked the newspaper from his hand, giving at the same moment a glance of + triumph towards the bystanders, as though he would say, "you see what he + must submit to." Words cannot describe the astonishment of the British + officers, as they beheld Trevanion, under this gross and open insult, + content himself by a slight smile and half bow, as if returning a + courtesy, and then throw his eyes downward, as if engaged in deep thought, + while the triumphant sneer of the French, at this unaccountable conduct, + was absolutely maddening to them to endure. + </p> + <p> + But their patience was destined to submit to stronger proof, for at this + instant le Capitaine stretched forth one enormous leg, cased in his + massive jack-boot, and with a crash deposited the heel upon the foot of + their friend Trevanion. At length he is roused, thought they, for a slight + flush of crimson flitted across his cheek, and his upper lip trembled with + a quick spasmodic twitching; but both these signs were over in a second, + and his features were as calm and unmoved as before, and his only + appearance of consciousness of the affront, was given by his drawing back + his chair and placing his legs beneath it, as for protection. + </p> + <p> + This last insult, and the tame forbearance with which it was submitted to, + produced all their opposite effects upon the by-standers, and looks of + ungovernable rage and derisive contempt were every moment interchanging; + indeed, were it not for the all-absorbing interest which the two great + actors in the scene had concentrated upon themselves, the two parties must + have come at once into open conflict. + </p> + <p> + The clock of the cafe struck nine, the hour at which Gendemar always + retired, so calling to the waiter for his petit verre of brandy, he placed + his newspaper upon the table, and putting both his elbows upon it, and his + chin upon his hands, he stared full in Trevanion's face, with a look of + the most derisive triumph, meant to crown the achievement of the evening. + To this, as to all his former insults, Trevanion appeared still + insensible, and merely regarded him with his never—changing half + smile; the petite verre arrived; le Capitaine took it in his hand, and, + with a nod of most insulting familiarity, saluted Trevanion, adding with a + loud voice, so as to be heard on every side—"a votre courage, + Anglais." He had scarcely swallowed the liqueur when Trevanion rose slowly + from his chair, displaying to the astonished gaze of the Frenchman the + immense proportions and gigantic frame of a man well known as the largest + officer in the British army; with one stride he was beside the chair of + the Frenchman, and with the speed of lightening he seized his nose by one + hand, while with the other he grasped his lower jaw, and, wrenching open + his mouth with the strength of an ogre, he spat down his throat. + </p> + <p> + So sudden was the movement, that before ten seconds had elapsed, all was + over, and the Frenchman rushed from the room, holding the fragments of his + jaw-bone, (for it was fractured!) And followed by his countrymen, who, + from that hour, deserted the Cafe Philidor, nor was there ever any mention + of the famous captain during the stay of the regiment in Paris. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch30" id="ch30"></a>CHAPTER XXX. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + DIFFICULTIES. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + While we walked together towards Meurice, I explained to Trevanion the + position in which I stood; and having detailed, at full length, the fracas + at the Salon, and the imprisonment of O'Leary, entreated his assistance in + behalf of him, as well as to free me from some of my many embarrassments. + </p> + <p> + It was strange enough—though at first so pre-occupied was I with + other thoughts, that I paid but little attention to it—that no part + of my eventful evening seemed to make so strong an impression on him as my + mention of having seen my cousin Guy, and heard from him of the death of + my uncle. At this portion of my story he smiled, with so much significance + of meaning, that I could not help asking his reason. + </p> + <p> + "It is always an unpleasant task, Mr. Lorrequer, to speak in any way, + however delicately, in a tone of disparagement of a man's relatives; and, + therefore, as we are not long enough acquainted—" + </p> + <p> + "But pray," said I, "waive that consideration, and only remember the + position in which I now am. If you know any thing of this business, I + entreat you to tell me—I promise to take whatever you may be + disposed to communicate, in the same good part it is intended." + </p> + <p> + "Well, then, I believe you are right; but, first, let me ask you, how do + you know of your uncle's death; for I have reason to doubt it?" + </p> + <p> + "From Guy; he told me himself." + </p> + <p> + "When did you see him, and where?" + </p> + <p> + "Why, I have just told you; I saw him last night at the Salon." + </p> + <p> + "And you could not be mistaken?" + </p> + <p> + "Impossible! Besides, he wrote to me a note which I received this morning—here + it is." + </p> + <p> + "Hem—ha. Well, are you satisfied that this is his handwriting?" said + Trevanion, as he perused the note slowly twice over. + </p> + <p> + "Why, of course—but stop—you are right; it is not his hand, + nor do I know the writing, now that you direct my attention to it. But + what can that mean? You, surely, do not suppose that I have mistaken any + one for him; for, independent of all else, his knowledge of my family, and + my uncle's affairs, would quite disprove that." + </p> + <p> + "This is really a complex affair," said Trevanion, musingly. "How long may + it be since you saw your cousin—before last night, I mean?" + </p> + <p> + "Several years; above six, certainly." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, it is quite possible, then," said Trevanion, musingly; "do you know, + Mr. Lorrequer, this affair seems much more puzzling to me than to you, and + for this plain reason—I am disposed to think you never saw your + cousin last night." + </p> + <p> + "Why, confound it, there is one circumstance that I think may satisfy you + on that head. You will not deny that I saw some one, who very much + resembled him; and certainly, as he lent me above three thousand franks to + play with at the table, it looks rather more like his act than that of a + perfect stranger." + </p> + <p> + "Have you got the money?" asked Trevanion dryly. + </p> + <p> + "Yes," said I; "but certainly you are the most unbelieving of mortals, and + I am quite happy that I have yet in my possession two of the billets de + banque, for, I suppose, without them, you would scarcely credit me." I + here opened my pocket-book, and produced the notes. + </p> + <p> + He took them, examined them attentively for an instant, held them between + him and the light, refolded them, and, having placed them in my + pocket-book, said—"I thought as much—they are forgeries." + </p> + <p> + "Hold!" said I, "my cousin Guy, whatever wildness he may have committed, + is yet totally incapable of—" + </p> + <p> + "I never said the contrary, replied Trevanion, in the same dry tone as + before. + </p> + <p> + "Then what can you mean, for I see no alternative between that and totally + discrediting the evidence of my senses?" + </p> + <p> + "Perhaps I can suggest a middle course," said Trevanion; "lend me, + therefore, a patient hearing for a few moments, and I may be able to throw + some light upon this difficult matter. You may never have heard that there + is, in this same city of Paris, a person so extremely like your cousin + Guy, that his most intimate friends have daily mistaken one for the other, + and this mistake has the more often been made, from the circumstances of + their both being in the habit of frequenting the same class in society, + where, knowing and walking with the same people, the difficulty of + discriminating has been greatly increased. This individual, who has too + many aliases for one to know which to particularise him by, is one of that + numerous order of beings whom a high state of civilization is always + engendering and throwing up on the surface of society; he is a man of low + birth and mean connexions, but gifted with most taking manners and an + unexceptionable address and appearance; these advantages, and the + possession of apparently independent means, have opened to him the access + to a certain set of people, who are well known and well received in + society, and obtained for him, what he prizes much more, the admission + into several clubs where high play is carried on. In this mixed + assemblage, which sporting habits and gambling, (that grand leveller of + all distinctions,) have brought together, this man and your cousin Guy met + frequently, and, from the constant allusion to the wonderful resemblance + between them, your eccentric cousin, who, I must say, was never too select + in his acquaintances, frequently amused himself by practical jokes upon + their friends, which served still more to nurture the intimacy between + them; and from this habit, Mr. Dudley Morewood, for such is his latest + patronymic, must have enjoyed frequent opportunities of hearing much of + your family and relations, a species of information he never neglected, + though at the moment it might appear not so immediately applicable to his + purposes. Now, this man, who knows of every new English arrival in Paris, + with as much certainty as the police itself, would at once be aware of + your being here, and having learned from Guy how little intercourse there + had been of late years between you, would not let slip an opportunity of + availing himself of the likeness, if any thing could thereby turn to his + profit." + </p> + <p> + "Stop," cried I; "you have opened my eyes completely, for now I remember + that, as I continued to win last night, this man, who was playing hazard + at another table, constantly borrowed from me, but always in gold, + invariably refusing the billets de banque as too high for his game." + </p> + <p> + "There his object was clear enough; for besides obtaining your gold, he + made you the means of disseminating his false billets de banque." + </p> + <p> + "So that I have been actually playing and winning upon this fellow's + forgeries," said I; "and am perhaps at this very instant inscribed in the + 'Livre noir' of the police, as a most accomplished swindler; but what + could be the intention of his note of this morning?" + </p> + <p> + "As to that," said Trevanion, "it is hard to say; one thing you may + assuredly rely upon—it is not an unnecessary epistle, whatever be + its object; he never wastes his powder when the game flies too high; so we + must only wait patiently for the unravelment of his plans, satisfied that + we, at least, know something. What most surprises me is, his venturing, at + present, to appear in public; for it is not above two months since an + escapade of his attracted so much attention of the play world here, that + he was obliged to leave, and it was supposed that he would never return to + Paris." + </p> + <p> + "One piece of good fortune there is at least," said I, "which, I can + safely say repays me for any and all the annoyance this unhappy affair may + cause me; it is, that my poor old uncle is still alive and well. Not all + my anticipated pleasures, in newly acquired wealth, could have afforded me + the same gratification that this fact does, for, although never so much + his favourite as my cousin, yet the sense of protection—the feeling + of confidence, which is inseparable from the degree of relationship + between us—standing, as he has ever done, in the light of a father + to me, is infinitely more pleasurable than the possession of riches, which + must ever suggest to me, the recollection of a kind friend lost to me for + ever. But so many thoughts press on me—so many effects of this + affair are staring me in the face—I really know not which way to + turn, nor can I even collect my ideas sufficiently, to determine what is + first to be done." + </p> + <p> + "Leave all that to me," said Trevanion; "it is a tangled web, but I think + I can unravel it; meanwhile, where does the Militaire reside? for, among + all your pressing engagements, this affair with the Frenchman must come + off first; and for this reason, although you are not really obliged to + give him satisfaction, by his merely producing your card, and insisting + that you are to be responsible for the misdeeds of any one who might show + it as his own address, yet I look upon it as a most fortunate thing, while + charges so heavy may be at this moment hanging over your head, as the + proceedings of last night involve, that you have a public opportunity of + meeting an antagonist in the field—thereby evincing no fear of + publicity, nor any intention of absconding; for be assured, that the + police are at this moment in possession of what has occurred, and from the + fracas which followed, are well disposed to regard the whole as a + concerted scheme to seize upon the property of the banque, a not uncommon + wind-up here after luck fails. My advice is therefore, meet the man at + once; I shall take care that the prefect is informed that you have been + imposed upon by a person passing himself off as your relative, and enter + bail for your appearance, whenever you are called upon; that being done, + we shall have time for a moment's respite to look around us, and consider + the other bearings of this difficult business." + </p> + <p> + "Here, then, is the card of address," said I; "Eugene Dejoncourt Capitaine + de Cavalerie, No. 8, Chausse D'Antin." + </p> + <p> + "Dejoncourt! why, confound it, this is not so pleasant; he is about the + best shot in Paris, and a very steady swordsman besides, I don't like + this." + </p> + <p> + "But you forget he is the friend, not the principal here." + </p> + <p> + "The more good fortune yours," said Trevanion, drily; "for I acknowledge I + should not give much for your chance at twenty paces opposite his pistol; + then who is the other?" + </p> + <p> + "Le Baron d'Haulpenne," said I, "and his name is all that I know of him; + his very appearance is unknown to me." + </p> + <p> + "I believe I am acquainted with him," said Trevanion; "but here we are at + Meurice. Now I shall just write a few lines to a legal friend, who will + manage to liberate Mr. O'Leary, whose services we shall need, two persons + are usual on each side in this country, and then, 'a l'ouvrage.'" + </p> + <p> + The note written and despatched; Trevanion jumped into a cab, and set out + for the Chausse D'Antin; leaving me to think over, as well as I could, the + mass of trouble and confusion that twenty-four hours of life in Paris had + involved me in. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch31" id="ch31"></a>CHAPTER XXXI. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + EXPLANATION. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + It was past seven o'clock when Trevanion made his appearance, accompanied + by O'Leary; and having in few words informed me that a meeting was fixed + for the following morning, near St. Cloud, proposed that we should go to + dinner at Verey's, after which we should have plenty of time to discuss + the various steps to be taken. As we were leaving the hotel for this + purpose, a waiter requested of me to permit Mr. Meurice to speak a few + words to me; which, having agreed to, I entered the little bureau where + this Czar of hotels sits enthroned, and what was my surprise to learn the + request he had to prefer, was nothing less than that I would so far oblige + him as to vacate the room I possessed in the hotel, adding that my + compliance would confer upon him the power to accommodate a "milor" who + had written for apartments, and was coming with a large suite of servants. + Suspecting that some rumour of the late affair at Frescati might have + influenced my friend Meurice in this unusual demand, I abruptly refused, + and was about to turn away, when he, perhaps guessing that I had not + believed his statements, handed me an open letter, saying, "You see, sir, + this is the letter; and, as I am so pressed for spare room, I must now + refuse the writer." + </p> + <p> + As my eye glanced at the writing, I started back with amazement to + perceive it was in my cousin Guy's hand, requesting that apartments might + be retained for Sir Guy Lorrequer, my uncle, who was to arrive in Paris by + the end of the week. If any doubt had remained on my mind as to the + deception I had been duped by, this would completely have dispelled it, + but I had long before been convinced of the trick, and only wondered how + the false Guy—Mr. Dudley Morewood—had contrived to present + himself to me so opportunely, and by what means, in so short a space of + time, he had become acquainted with my personal appearance. + </p> + <p> + As I mentioned this circumstance of the letter to Trevanion, he could not + conceal his satisfaction at his sagacity in unravelling the mystery, while + this new intelligence confirmed the justness and accuracy of all his + explanations. + </p> + <p> + While we walked along towards the Palais Royale, Trevanion endeavoured not + very successfully, to explain to my friend O'Leary, the nature of the + trick which had been practised, promising, at another time, some + revelations concerning the accomplished individual who had planned it, + which, in boldness and daring, eclipsed even this. + </p> + <p> + Any one who in waking has had the confused memory of a dream in which + events have been so mingled and mixed as to present no uniform narrative, + but only a mass of strange and incongruous occurrences, without object or + connexion, may form some notion of the state of restless excitement my + brain suffered from, as the many and conflicting ideas my late adventures + suggested, presented themselves to my mind in rapid succession. + </p> + <p> + The glare, the noise, and the clatter of a French cafe are certainly not + the agents most in request for restoring a man to the enjoyment of his + erring faculties; and, if I felt addled and confused before, I had + scarcely passed the threshold of Verey's when I became absolutely like one + in a trance. The large salon was more than usually crowded, and it was + with difficulty that we obtained a place at a table where some other + English were seated, among whom I recognised by lately made acquaintance, + Mr. Edward Bingham. + </p> + <p> + Excepting a cup of coffee I had taken nothing the entire day, and so + completely did my anxieties of different kinds subdue all appetite, that + the most recherche viands of this well-known restaurant did not in the + least tempt me. The champagne alone had any attraction for me; and, + seduced by the icy coldness of the wine, I drank copiously. This was all + that was wanting to complete the maddening confusion of my brain, and the + effect was instantaneous; the lights danced before my eyes; the lustres + whirled round; and, as the scattered fragments of conversations, on either + side met my ear, I was able to form some not very inaccurate conception of + what insanity may be. Politics and literature, Mexican bonds and Noblet's + legs, Pates de perdreaux and the quarantine laws, the extreme gauche and + the "Bains Chinois," Victor Hugo and rouge et noir, had formed a species + of grand ballet d'action in my fevered brain, and I was perfectly beside + myself; occasionally, too, I would revert to my own concerns, although I + was scarcely able to follow up any train of thought for more than a few + seconds together, and totally inadequate to distinguish the false from the + true. I continued to confound the counterfeit with my cousin, and wonder + how my poor uncle, for whom I was about to put on the deepest mourning, + could possibly think of driving me out of my lodgings. Of my duel for the + morning, I had the most shadowy recollection, and could not perfectly + comprehend whether it was O'Leary or I was the principal, and indeed cared + but little. In this happy state of independent existence I must have + passed a considerable time, and as my total silence when spoken to, or my + irrelevant answers, appeared to have tired out my companions, they left me + to the uninterrupted enjoyment of my own pleasant imaginings. + </p> + <p> + "Do you hear, Lorrequer," at last said Trevanion; "are you asleep, my dear + friend? This gentleman has been good enough to invite us to breakfast + to-morrow at St. Cloud." + </p> + <p> + I looked up, and was just able to recognise the well-trimmed moustache of + Mr. Edward Bingham, as he stood mumbling something before me. "St. Cloud + —what of St. Cloud?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "We have something in that quarter to-morrow." + </p> + <p> + "What is it, O'Leary? Can we go?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh! certainly—our engagement's an early one." + </p> + <p> + "We shall accept your polite invitation with pleasure"— + </p> + <p> + Here he stooped over, and whispered something in my ear; what, I cannot + say, but I know that my reply, now equally lost to me, produced a hearty + fit of laughing to my two friends. + </p> + <p> + My next recollection is, finding myself in a crowded loge at the theatre. + It seems that O'Leary had acceded to a proposal from some of the other + party to accompany them to the Porte St. Martin, where Mrs. Bingham and + her daughter had engaged a box. Amid all the confusion which troubled + thoughts and wine produced in me, I could not help perceiving a studied + politeness and attention on the part of Mr. Edward Bingham towards me; and + my first sobering reflection came, on finding that a place was reserved + for me beside Miss Bingham, into which, by some contrivance I can in no + wise explain, I found myself almost immediately installed. To all the + excitements of champagne and punch, let the attractions of a French ballet + be added, and, with a singularly pretty companion at your side, to whom + you have already made sufficient advances to be aware that you are no + longer indifferent to her, and I venture to predict, that it is much more + likely your conversation will incline to flirting than political economy; + and, moreover, that you make more progress during the performance of one + single pas de deux upon the stage, than you have hitherto done in ten + morning calls, with an unexceptionable whisker and the best fitting gloves + in Paris. Alas! alas! it is only the rich man that ever wins at rouge et + noir. The well-insured Indiaman, with her cargo of millions, comes safe + into port; while the whole venture of some hardy veteran of the wave, + founders within sight of his native shore. So is it ever; where success + would be all and every thing, it never comes—but only be indifferent + or regardless, and fortune is at your feet, suing and imploring your + acceptance of her favours. What would I not have given for one half of + that solicitude now so kindly expressed in my favour by Miss Bingham, if + syllabled by the lips of Lady Jane Callonby—how would my heart have + throbbed for one light smile from one, while I ungratefully basked in the + openly avowed preference of the other. These were my first thoughts—what + were the succeeding ones? + </p> + <p> + "Comment elle est belle," said a Frenchwoman, turning round in the box + next to us, and directing at the same moment the eyes of a moustached hero + upon my fair companion. + </p> + <p> + What a turn to my thoughts did this unexpected ejaculation give rise to! I + now began to consider her more attentively, and certainly concurred fully + in the Frenchwoman's verdict. I had never see her look half so well + before. The great fault in her features, which were most classically + regular, lay in the monotony and uniform character of their expression. + Now this was quite changed. Her cheek was slightly flushed, and her eyes + more brilliant than ever; while her slightly parted lips gave a degree of + speaking earnestness to her expression, that made her perfectly beautiful. + </p> + <p> + Whether it was from this cause I cannot say, but I certainly never felt so + suddenly decided in my life from one course to its very opposite, as I now + did to make l'aimable to my lovely companion. And here, I fear, I must + acknowledge, in the honesty of these confessional details, that vanity had + also its share in the decision. To be the admitted and preferred suitor of + the prettiest woman in company, is generally a strong inducement to fall + desperately in love with her, independently of other temptations for so + doing. + </p> + <p> + How far my successes tallied with my good intentions in this respect, I + cannot now say. I only remember, that more than once O'Leary whispered to + me something like a caution of some sort or other; but Emily's encouraging + smiles and still more encouraging speeches had far more effect upon me + than all the eloquence of the united service, had it been engaged in my + behalf, would have effected. Mrs. Bingham, too—who, to do her + justice, seemed but little cognisant of our proceedings—from time to + time evinced that species of motherly satisfaction which very young men + rejoice much in, and older ones are considerably alarmed at. + </p> + <p> + The play over O'Leary charged himself with the protection of madam, while + I enveloped Emily in her cachmere, and drew her arm within my own. What my + hand had to do with her's I know not; it remains one of the unexplained + difficulties of that eventful evening. I have, it is true, a hazy + recollection of pressing some very taper and delicately formed finger—and + remember, too, the pain I felt next morning on awaking, by the pressure of + a too tight ring, which had, by some strange accident, found its way to my + finger, for which its size was but ill adapted. + </p> + <p> + "You will join us at supper, I hope," said Mrs. Bingham, as Trevanion + handed her to her carriage. "Mr. Lorrequer, Mr. O'Leary, we shall expect + you." + </p> + <p> + I was about to promise to do so, when Trevanion, suddenly interrupted me, + saying that he had already accepted an invitation, which would, + unfortunately, prevent us; and having hastily wished the ladies good + night, hurried me away so abruptly, that I had not a moment given for even + one parting look at the fair Emily. + </p> + <p> + "Why, Trevanion," said I, "what invitation are you dreaming of? I, for + one, should have been delighted to have gone home with the Binghams." + </p> + <p> + "So I perceived," said Trevanion, gravely; "and it was for that precise + reason I so firmly refused what, individually, I should have been most + happy to accept." + </p> + <p> + "Then, pray, have the goodness to explain." + </p> + <p> + "It is easily done. You have already, in recounting your manifold + embarrassments, told me enough of these people, to let me see that they + intend you should marry among them; and, indeed, you have gone quite far + enough to encourage such an expectation. Your present excited state has + led you sufficiently far this evening, and I could not answer for your not + proposing in all form before the supper was over; therefore, I had no + other course open to me than positively to refuse Mrs. Bingham's + invitation. But here we are now at the 'Cadran rouge;' we shall have our + lobster and a glass of Moselle, and then to bed, for we must not forget + that we are to be at St. Cloud by seven." + </p> + <p> + "Ah! that is a good thought of yours about the lobster," said O'Leary; + "and now, as you understand these matters, just order supper, and let us + enjoy ourselves." + </p> + <p> + With all the accustomed despatch of a restaurant, a most appetizing petit + souper made its speedy appearance; and although now perfectly divested of + the high excitement which had hitherto possessed me, my spirits were + excellent, and I never more relished our good fare and good fellowship. + </p> + <p> + After a full bumper to the health of the fair Emily had been proposed and + drained by all three, Trevanion again explained how much more serious + difficulty would result from any false step in that quarter than from all + my other scrapes collectively. + </p> + <p> + This he represented so strongly, that for the first time I began to + perceive the train of ill consequences that must inevitably result, and + promised most faithfully to be guided by any counsel he might feel + disposed to give me. + </p> + <p> + "Ah! what a pity," said O'Leary, "it is not my case. It's very little + trouble it would cost any one to break off a match for me. I had always a + most peculiar talent for those things. + </p> + <p> + "Indeed!" said Trevanion. "Pray, may we know your secret? for, perhaps, + ere long we may have occasion for its employment." + </p> + <p> + "Tell it, by all means," said I. + </p> + <p> + "If I do," said O'Leary, "it will cost you a patient hearing; for my + experiences are connected with two episodes in my early life, which, + although not very amusing, are certainly instructive." + </p> + <p> + "Oh! by all means, let us hear them," said Trevanion; "for we have yet two + bottles of chambertin left, and must finish them ere we part." + </p> + <p> + "Well, agreed," said O'Leary; "only, once for all, as what I am about to + confide is strictly confidential, you must promise never even to allude to + it hereafter in even the most remote manner, much less indulge in any + unseemly mirth at what I shall relate." + </p> + <p> + Having pledged ourselves to secrecy and a becoming seriousness, O'Leary + began his story as follows:— + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch32" id="ch32"></a>CHAPTER XXXII. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + MR. O'LEARY'S FIRST LOVE. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + "It was during the vice-royalty of the late Duke of Richmond that the + incidents I am about to mention took place. That was a few years since, + and I was rather younger, and a little more particular about my dress than + at present." Here the little man cast an eye of stoical satisfaction upon + his uncouth habiliments, that nearly made us forget our compact, and laugh + outright. "Well, in those wild and headstrong days of youthful ardour, I + fell in love—desperately in love—and as always is, I believe, + the case with our early experiments in that unfortunate passion, the + object of my affection was in every way unsuited to me. She was a tall, + dark-haired, dark-eyed maiden, with a romantic imagination, and a kind of + a half-crazed poetic fervour, that often made me fear for her intellect. + I'm a short, rather fat—I was always given this way"—here he + patted a waistcoat that would fit Dame Lambert—"happy-minded little + fellow, that liked my supper of oysters at the Pigeon-house, and my other + creature-comforts, and hated every thing that excited or put one out of + one's way, just as I would have hated a blister. Then, the devil would + have it—for as certainly as marriages are made in heaven, + flirtations have something to say to the other place—that I should + fall most irretrievably in love with Lady Agnes Moreton. Bless my soul, it + absolutely puts me in a perspiration this hot day, just to think over all + I went through on her account; for, strange to say, the more I appeared to + prosper in her good graces, the more did she exact on my part; the pursuit + was like Jacob's ladder—if it did lead to heaven it was certainly an + awfully long journey, and very hard on one's legs. There was not an + amusement she could think of, no matter how unsuited to my tastes or my + abilities, that she did not immediately take a violent fancy to; and then + there was no escaping, and I was at once obliged to go with the tide, and + heaven knows if it would not have carried me to my grave if it were not + for the fortunate (I now call it) accident that broke off the affair for + ever. One time she took a fancy for yachting, and all the danglers about + her—and she always had a cordon of them—young aides-de-camp of + her father the general, and idle hussars, in clanking sabertasches and + most absurd mustachios—all approved of the taste, and so kept + filling her mind with anecdotes of corsairs and smugglers, that at last + nothing would satisfy her till I—I who always would rather have + waited for low water, and waded the Liffey in all its black mud, than + cross over in the ferry-boat, for fear of sickness—I was obliged to + put an advertisement in the newspaper for a pleasure-boat, and, before + three weeks, saw myself owner of a clinker-built schooner, of forty-eight + tons, that by some mockery of fortune was called 'The Delight.' I wish you + saw me, as you might have done every morning for about a month, as I stood + on the Custom-house quay, giving orders for the outfit of the little + craft. At first, as she bobbed and pitched with the flood-tide, I used to + be a little giddy and rather qualmish, but at last I learned to look on + without my head reeling. I began to fancy myself very much of a sailor, a + delusion considerably encouraged by a huge P. jacket and a sou'-wester, + both of which, though it was in the dog-days, Agnes insisted upon my + wearing, saying I looked more like Dirk Hatteraick, who, I understood, was + one of her favourite heroes in Walter Scott. In fact, after she suggested + this, she and all her friends called me nothing but Dirk. + </p> + <p> + "Well, at last, after heaven knows how many excuses on my part, and + entreaties for delay, a day was appointed for our first excursion. I shall + never forget that day—the entire night before it I did not close my + eyes; the skipper had told me in his confounded sea-jargon, that if the + wind was in one quarter we should have a short tossing sea; and if in + another a long rolling swell; and if in a third, a happy union of both—in + fact, he made it out that it could not possibly blow right, an opinion I + most heartily coincided in, and most devoutly did I pray for a calm, that + would not permit of our stirring from our moorings, and thus mar our + projected party of pleasure. My prayer was unheard, but my hopes rose on + the other hand, for it blew tremendously during the entire night, and + although there was a lull towards morning, the sea, even in the river, was + considerable. + </p> + <p> + "I had just come to the conclusion that I was safe for this time, when the + steward poked his head into the room and said, + </p> + <p> + "'Mr. Brail wishes to know, sir, if he'll bend the new mainsail to-day, as + it's blowing rather fresh, and he thinks the spars light.' + </p> + <p> + "'Why the devil take him, he would not have us go out in a hurricane; + surely, Pipes, we could not take out ladies to-day?' + </p> + <p> + "'O, bless your heart, yes, sir; it blows a bit to be sure, but she's a + good sea-boat, and we can run for Arklow or the Hook, if it comes + fresher.' + </p> + <p> + "'Oh, nonsense, there's no pleasure in that; besides I'm sure they won't + like it—the ladies won't venture, you'll see.' + </p> + <p> + "'Ay sir, but they're all on board already: there's eight ladies in the + cabin, and six on deck, and as many hampers of victuals and as much + crockery as if we were a-goin' to Madeira. Captain Grantham, sir, the + soldier officer, with the big beard, is a mixing punch in the grog-tub.' + </p> + <p> + "'From the consequences of this day I proclaim myself innocent,' said I + with a solemn voice, as I drew on my duck trowsers, and prepared to set + out. + </p> + <p> + "'And the mainsail, sir,' said the steward, not understanding what I said. + </p> + <p> + "'I care not which,' said I, doggedly; 'act or part in this wilful + proceeding I'll not take.' + </p> + <p> + "'Ay, ay, sir,' said the stupid wretch, 'then I'll say you're coming, and + he may stretch the large canvas; for the skipper says he likes a wet + jacket when he has gentlemen out.' + </p> + <p> + "Never did a victim put on a flame-coloured garment, the emblem of fate, + and set out on the march of death, with a heavier heart, than did I put on + my pilot-coat that morning to join my friends. + </p> + <p> + "My last hope deserted me as I saw the little vessel lying beside the + quay; for I continued to trust that in getting out from the dock some + accident or mischance might occur to spoil our sport. But no; there she + lay, rolling and pitching in such a way that, even at anchor, they could + not stand on the deck without holding. Amid the torrent of compliments for + the perfection of all my arrangements, and innumerable sweet things on my + taste in the decoration and fitting up of my cabin, I scarcely felt myself + afloat for some minutes, and we got under weigh amid a noise and uproar + that absolutely prevented the possibility of thought. + </p> + <p> + "Hitherto our destination had not been mentioned, and as all the party + appealed to Lady Agnes, I could not be less gallant, and joined them in + their request. + </p> + <p> + "'Well then, what do you think of Lambay?' said she, looking at the same + moment towards the skipper. + </p> + <p> + "'We can make it, my lady,' said the man, 'but we'll have a roughish sea + of it, for there's a strong point of westward in the wind.' + </p> + <p> + "'Then don't think of it,' said I. 'We have come out for pleasure, not to + make our friends sick, or terrify them. It does very well for us men.' + </p> + <p> + "'There you are, Dirk, with your insolent sneers about women's nerves and + female cowardice. Now, nothing but Lambay will content me—what say + you, ladies?' + </p> + <p> + "A general reply of approval met this speech, and it was carried by + acclamation. + </p> + <p> + "'Lambay then be it,' said I, with the voice of a man, who, entreating to + be shot, is informed that he cannot be afforded that pleasure, as his + sentence is to be hanged. But I must hasten over these painful + recollections. We dropped down the river, and soon left the light-house + and its long pier behind us, the mast bending like a whip, and the sea + boiling like barm over the lee gunwale. Still the spirit of our party only + rose the lighter, and nothing but eulogies upon the men and sailing of the + craft resounded on all sides; the din and buz of the conversation went on + only more loudly and less restrictedly than if the party had been on + shore, and all, even myself, seemed happy, for up to this moment I had not + been sea-sick, yet certain pleasant sensations, that alternately evinced + themselves in my stomach and my head, warned me of what was in store for + me. The word was now given to tack; I was in the act of essaying a soft + speech to Lady Agnes, when the confounded cry of 'ready about, starboard + there, let go sheets and tacks, stand by, hawl.' The vessel plunged + head-foremost into the boiling sea, which hissed on either bow; the heavy + boom swung over, carrying my hat along with it—and almost my head + too. The rest of the party, possibly better informed than myself, speedily + changed their places to the opposite side of the boat, while I remained + holding off fast by the gunwale, till the sea rushing over, what was now + becoming the lee-side, carried me head over heels into the shingle ballast + in the waist. Lord, how they did laugh! Agnes, too, who never before could + get beyond a very faint smile, grew almost hysterical at my performance. + As for me, I only wanted this to complete my long threatened misfortune; + sea sickness in all its most miserable forms, set in upon me, and, ere + half an hour, I lay upon that heap of small stones, as indifferent to all + round and about me as though I were dead. Oh, the long, dreary hours of + that melancholy day; it seemed like a year. They tacked and tacked, they + were beat and tacked again, the sea washing over me, and the ruffianly + sailors trampling upon me without the slightest remorse, whenever they had + any occasion to pass back or forward. From my long trance of suffering I + was partly roused by the steward shaking my shoulder, saying, + </p> + <p> + "'The gentlemen wish to know, sir, if you'd like summat to eat, as they're + a goin' to have a morsel; we are getting into slack water now.' + </p> + <p> + "'Where are we?' I replied, in a sepulchral voice. + </p> + <p> + "'Off the Hook, sir; we have had a most splendid run, but I fear we'll + catch it soon; there's some dirty weather to the westward.' + </p> + <p> + "'God grant it,' said I, piously and in a low tone. + </p> + <p> + "'Did you say you'd have a bit to eat. Sir?' + </p> + <p> + "'No!—eat!—am I a cannibal?—eat—go away—mark + me, my good fellow, I'll pay you your wages, if ever we get ashore; you'll + never set another foot aboard with me.' + </p> + <p> + "The man looked perfectly astounded as he moved away, and my thoughts were + soon engrossed by the proceedings near me. The rattle of knives, and the + jingling of plates and glasses went on very briskly for some time, + accompanied by various pleasant observations of my guests, for such I + judged them, from the mirth which ever followed them. At last I thought I + heard my name, or at least what they pleased to use as its substitute, + mentioned; I strained my ears to listen, and learnt that they were + planning to talk over the pretended intention to run for Cowes, and see + the regatta. This they discussed then, for about twenty minutes, in a very + loud voice, purposely to see its effects upon me; but as I was now aware + of the trick, I gave no sign of any intelligence. + </p> + <p> + "'Poor Dirk,' said Grantham; 'I believe by this time he cares very little + which way her head lies; but here comes something better than all our + discussions. Lady Agnes, sit here—Miss Pelham, here's a dry cushion + for you—did you say a wing, Lady Mary?' + </p> + <p> + "Now began the crash and clatter of dinner; champagne corks popping, + glasses ringing, and all that peculiar admixture of fracas and fun, which + accompanies a scrambled meal. How they did laugh, and eat, ay, and drink + too. G's punch seemed to have its success, for sick as I was, I could + perceive the voices of the men grow gradually louder, and discovered that + two gentlemen who had been remarkably timid in the morning, and scarcely + opened their lips, were now rather uproariously given, and one even + proposed to sing. + </p> + <p> + "If any man, thought I, were to look for an instant at the little scene + now enacting here, what a moral might he reap from it; talk of the base + ingratitude of the world, you cannot say too much of it. Who would suppose + that it was my boat these people were assembled in; that it was my + champagne these people were drinking; that my venison and my pheasants + were feeding those lips, which rarely spoke, except to raise a jest at my + expense. My chagrin increased my sickness and my sickness redoubled my + chagrin. + </p> + <p> + "'Mr. Brail,' said I, in a low whisper, 'Mr. Brail.' + </p> + <p> + "'Did you speak, sir?' said he, with about as much surprise in his manner, + as though he had been addressed by a corpse. + </p> + <p> + "'Mr. Brail,' said I, 'is there any danger here?' + </p> + <p> + "'Lord love you, no, sir, she's walking Spanish, and the sea going down; + we shall have lovely weather, and they're all enjoying it, sir,—the + ladies.' + </p> + <p> + "'So I perceive,' said I, with a groan; 'so I perceive; but Mr. Brail, + could you do nothing—just to—to startle them a little, I mean + for fun only? Just ship a heavy sea or two, I don't care for a little + damage, Mr. Brail, and if it were to wash over the dinner-service, and all + the wine, I should not like it worse.' + </p> + <p> + "'Why, sir, you are getting quite funny, the sickness is going.' + </p> + <p> + "'No, Mr. Brail, worse than ever; my head is in two pieces, and my stomach + in the back of my mouth; but I should like you to do this—so just + manage it, will you, and there's twenty pounds in my pocket-book, you can + have it; there now, won't you oblige me, and hark ye, Mr. Brail—if + Captain Grantham were to be washed over by mere accident it cannot be + helped; accidents are always occurring in boating parties. Go now, you + know what I mean.' + </p> + <p> + "'But sir,' began he. + </p> + <p> + "'Well, then, Mr. Brail, you won't—very well: now all I have to say + is this: that the moment I can find strength to do it, I'll stave out a + plank; I'll scuttle the vessel, that's all; I have made up my mind, and + look to yourselves now.' + </p> + <p> + "Saying these words, I again threw myself upon the ballast, and, as the + gay chorus of a drinking song was wafted across me, prayed devoutly that + we might all go down to the bottom. The song over, I heard a harsh, gruff + voice mixing with the more civilized tones of the party, and soon + perceived that Mr. Brail was recounting my proposal amid the most + uproarious shouts of laughter I ever listened to. Then followed a number + of pleasant suggestions for my future management; one proposing to have me + tried for mutiny, and sentenced to a ducking over the side, another that I + should be tarred on my back, to which latter most humane notion, the fair + Agnes subscribed, averring that she was resolved upon my deserving my + sobriquet of Dirk Hatteraick. My wrath was now the master even of deadly + sickness. I got upon my knees, and having in vain tried to reach my legs, + I struggled aft. In this posture did I reach the quarter-deck. What my + intention precisely was in this excursion, I have no notion of now, but I + have some very vague idea, that I meant to re-enact the curse of Kehama + upon the whole party. At last I mustered strength to rise; but alas! I had + scarcely reached the standing position, when a tremendous heel of the boat + to one side, threw me in the gunwale, and before I was able to recover my + balance, a second lurch pitched me headlong into the sea. I have, thank + God, no further recollection of my misfortunes. When I again became + conscious, I found myself wrapped up in a pilot-coat, while my clothes + were drying: the vessel was at anchor in Wexford. My attached friends had + started for town with post-horses, leaving me no less cured of love than + aquatics. + </p> + <p> + "'The Delight' passed over in a few days, to some more favoured son of + Neptune, and I hid my shame and my misfortunes by a year's tour on the + continent." + </p> + <p> + "Although I acknowledge," said Trevanion, "that hitherto I have reaped no + aid from Mr. O'Leary's narrative, yet I think it is not without a moral." + </p> + <p> + "Well, but," said I, "he has got another adventure to tell us; we have + quite time for it, so pray pass the wine and let us have it." + </p> + <p> + "I have just finished the burgundy," said O'Leary, "and if you will ring + for another flask, I have no objection to let you hear the story of my + second love." + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch33" id="ch33"></a>CHAPTER XXXIII. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + MR. O'LEARY'S SECOND LOVE. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + <a name="Mr._OLeary_Charges_the_Mob" id="Mr.O_Leary_Charges_the_Mob">Mr. + O'Leary Charges the Mob</a> + </h3> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%;"> + <img alt="Ch 33 Mr O'Leary Charges a Mob.jpg (70K)" + src="images/Ch%2033%20Mr%20OLeary%20Charges%20a%20Mob.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <a href="images2/Ch%2033%20Mr%20OLeary%20Charges%20a%20Mob.jpg">BLACK AND + WHITE IMAGE</a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + "You may easily suppose," began Mr. O'Leary, "that the unhappy termination + of my first passion served as a shield to me for a long time against my + unfortunate tendencies towards the fair; and such was really the case. I + never spoke to a young lady for three years after, without a reeling in my + head, so associated in my mind was love and sea-sickness. However, at last + what will not time do. It was about four years from the date of this + adventure, when I became so, from oblivion of my former failure, as again + to tempt my fortune. My present choice, in every way unlike the last, was + a gay, lively girl, of great animal spirits, and a considerable turn for + raillery, that spared no one; the members of her own family were not even + sacred in her eyes; and her father, a reverend dean, as frequently figured + among the ludicrous as his neighbours. + </p> + <p> + "The Evershams had been very old friends of a rich aunt of mine, who + never, by the by, had condescended to notice me till I made their + acquaintance; but no sooner had I done so, than she sent for me, and gave + me to understand that in the event of my succeeding to the hand of Fanny + Eversham, I should be her heir, and the possessor of about sixty thousand + pounds. She did not stop here; but by canvassing the dean in my favour, + speedily put the matter on a most favourable footing, and in less than two + months I was received as the accepted suitor of the fair Fanny, then one + of the reigning belles of Dublin. + </p> + <p> + "They lived at this time about three miles from town, in a very pretty + country, where I used to pass all my mornings, and many of my evenings + too, in a state of happiness that I should have considered perfect, if it + were not for two unhappy blots—one, the taste of my betrothed for + laughing at her friends; another the diabolical propensity to talk + politics of my intended father-in-law—to the former I could submit; + but with the latter, submission only made bad worse; for he invariably + drew up as I receded, drily observing that with men who had no avowed + opinions, it was ill agreeing; or that, with persons who kept their + politics as a school-boy does his pocket-money, never to spend, and always + ready to change, it was unpleasant to dispute. Such taunts as these I + submitted to as well as I might; secretly resolving, that as I now knew + the meaning of whig and tory, I'd contrive to spend my life, after + marriage, out of the worthy dean's diocese. + </p> + <p> + "Time wore on, and at length, to my most pressing solicitations, it was + conceded that a day for our marriage should be appointed. Not even the + unlucky termination of this my second love affair can deprive me of the + happy souvenir of the few weeks which were to intervene before our + destined union. + </p> + <p> + "The mornings were passed in ransacking all the shops where wedding finery + could be procured—laces, blondes, velvets, and satins, littered + every corner of the deanery—and there was scarcely a carriage in a + coach-maker's yard in the city that I had not sat and jumped in, to try + the springs, by the special directions of Mrs. Eversham; who never ceased + to impress me with the awful responsibility I was about to take upon me, + in marrying so great a prize as her daughter—a feeling I found very + general among many of my friends at the Kildare-street club. + </p> + <p> + "Among the many indispensable purchases which I was to make, and about + which Fanny expressed herself more than commonly anxious, was a + saddle-horse for me. She was a great horsewoman, and hated riding with + only a servant; and had given me to understand as much about half-a-dozen + times each day for the last five weeks. How shall I acknowledge it—equestrianism + was never my forte. I had all my life considerable respect for the horse + as an animal, pretty much as I dreaded a lion or a tiger; but as to my + intention of mounting upon the back of one, and taking a ride, I should as + soon have dreamed of taking an airing upon a giraffe; and as to the + thought of buying, feeding, and maintaining such a beast at my own proper + cost, I should just as soon have determined to purchase a pillory or a + ducking-stool, by way of amusing my leisure hours. + </p> + <p> + "However, Fanny was obstinate—whether she suspected any thing or not + I cannot say—but nothing seemed to turn her from her purpose; and + although I pleaded a thousand things in delay, yet she each day grew more + impatient, and at last I saw that there was nothing for it but to submit. + </p> + <p> + "When I arrived at this last and bold resolve, I could not help feeling + that to possess a horse and not be able to mount him, was only deferring + the ridicule; and as I had so often expressed the difficulty I felt in + suiting myself as a cause of my delay, I could not possibly come forward + with any thing very objectionable, or I should be only the more laughed + at. There was then but one course to take; a fortnight still intervened + before the day which was to make me happy, and I accordingly resolved to + take lessons in riding during the intervals, and by every endeavour in my + power become, if possible, able to pass muster on the saddle before my + bride. + </p> + <p> + "Poor old Lalouette understood but little of the urgency of the case, when + I requested his leave to take my lessons each morning at six o'clock, for + I dared not absent myself during the day without exciting suspicion; and + never, I will venture to assert, did knight-errant of old strive harder + for the hand of his lady-love than did I during that weary fortnight, if a + hippogriff had been the animal I bestrode, instead of being, as it was, an + old wall-eyed grey, I could not have felt more misgivings at my temerity, + or more proud of my achievement. In the first three days the unaccustomed + exercise proved so severe, that when I reached the deanery I could hardly + move, and crossed the floor, pretty much as a pair of compasses might be + supposed to do if performing that exploit. Nothing, however, could equal + the kindness of my poor dear mother-in-law in embryo, and even the dean + too. Fanny, indeed, said nothing; but I rather think she was disposed to + giggle a little; but my rheumatism, as it was called, was daily inquired + after, and I was compelled to take some infernal stuff in my port wine at + dinner that nearly made me sick at table. + </p> + <p> + "'I am sure you walk too much,' said Fanny, with one of her knowing looks. + 'Papa, don't you think he ought to ride; it would be much better for him.' + </p> + <p> + "'I do, my dear,' said the dean. 'But then you see he is so hard to be + pleased in a horse. Your old hunting days have spoiled you; but you must + forget Melton and Grantham, and condescend to keep a hack.' + </p> + <p> + "I must have looked confoundedly foolish here, for Fanny never took her + eyes off me, and continued to laugh in her own wicked way. + </p> + <p> + "It was now about the ninth or tenth day of my purgatorial performances; + and certainly if there be any merit in fleshly mortifications, these + religious exercises of mine should stand my part hereafter. A review had + been announced in the Phoenix-park, which Fanny had expressed herself most + desirous to witness; and as the dean would not permit her to go without a + chaperon, I had no means of escape, and promised to escort her. No sooner + had I made this rash pledge, than I hastened to my confidential friend, + Lalouette, and having imparted to him my entire secret, asked him in a + solemn and imposing manner, 'Can I do it?' The old man shook his head + dubiously, looked grave, and muttered at length, 'Mosch depend on de + horse.' 'I know it—I know it—I feel it,' said I eagerly—'then + where are we to find an animal that will carry me peaceably through this + awful day—I care not for his price?' + </p> + <p> + "'Votre affaire ne sera pas trop chere,' said he. + </p> + <p> + "'Why. How do you mean?' said I. + </p> + <p> + "He then proceeded to inform me, that by a singularly fortunate chance, + there took place that day an auction of 'cast horses,' as they are termed, + which had been used in the horse police force; and that from long riding, + and training to stand fire, nothing could be more suitable than one of + these; being both easy to ride, and not given to start at noise. + </p> + <p> + "I could have almost hugged the old fellow for his happy suggestion, and + waited with impatience for three o'clock to come, when we repaired + together to Essex-bridge, at that time the place selected for these sales. + </p> + <p> + "I was at first a little shocked at the look of the animals drawn up; they + were most miserably thin—most of them swelled in the legs—few + without sore backs—and not one eye, on an average, in every three; + but still they were all high steppers, and carried a great tail. 'There's + your affaire,' said the old Frenchman, as a long-legged fiddle-headed + beast was led out; turning out his forelegs so as to endanger the man who + walked beside him. + </p> + <p> + "'Yes, there's blood for you, said Charley Dycer, seeing my eye fixed on + the wretched beast; 'equal to fifteen stone with any foxhounds; safe in + all his paces, and warranted sound; except,' added he, in a whisper, 'a + slight spavin in both hind legs, ring gone, and a little touched in the + wind.' Here the animal gave an approving cough. 'Will any gentleman say + fifty pounds to begin?' But no gentleman did. A hackney coachman, however, + said five, and the sale was opened; the beast trotting up and down nearly + over the bidders at every moment, and plunging on so that it was + impossible to know what was doing. + </p> + <p> + "'Five, ten—fifteen—six pounds—thank you, sir,—guineas'—'seven + pounds,' said I, bidding against myself, not perceiving that I had spoken + last. 'Thank you, Mr. Moriarty,' said Dycer, turning towards an invisible + purchaser supposed to be in the crowd. 'Thank you, sir, you'll not let a + good one go that way.' Every one here turned to find out the very knowing + gentleman; but he could no where be seen. + </p> + <p> + "Dycer resumed, 'Seven ten for Mr. Moriarty. Going for seven ten—a + cruel sacrifice—there's action for you—playful beast.' Here + the devil had stumbled and nearly killed a basket-woman with two children. + </p> + <p> + "'Eight,' said I, with a loud voice. + </p> + <p> + "'Eight pounds, quite absurd,' said Dycer, almost rudely; 'a charger like + that for eight pounds—going for eight pounds—going—nothing + above eight pounds—no reserve, gentlemen, you are aware of that. + They are all as it were, his majesty's stud—no reserve whatever—last + time, eight pounds—gone.' + </p> + <p> + "Amid a very hearty cheer from the mob—God knows why—but a + Dublin mob always cheer—I returned, accompanied by a ragged fellow, + leading my new purchase after me with a bay halter. 'What is the meaning + of those letters,' said I, pointing to a very conspicuous G.R. with sundry + other enigmatical signs, burned upon the animal's hind quarter. + </p> + <p> + "'That's to show he was a po-lice,' said the fellow with a grin; 'and whin + ye ride with ladies, ye must turn the decoy side.' + </p> + <p> + "The auspicious morning at last arrived; and strange to say that the first + waking thought was of the unlucky day that ushered in my yachting + excursion, four years before. Why this was so, I cannot pretend to guess; + there was but little analogy in the circumstances, at least so far as any + thing had then gone. 'How is Marius?' said I to my servant, as he opened + my shutters. Here let me mention that a friend of the Kildare-street club + had suggested this name from the remarkably classic character of my + steed's countenance; his nose, he assured me, was perfectly Roman. + </p> + <p> + "'Marius is doing finely, sir, barring his cough, and the thrifle that + ails his hind legs.' + </p> + <p> + "'He'll carry me quietly, Simon, eh?' + </p> + <p> + "'Quietly. I'll warrant he'll carry you quietly, if that's all.' + </p> + <p> + "Here was comfort. Certainly Simon had lived forty years as pantry boy + with my mother, and knew a great deal about horses. I dressed myself, + therefore, in high spirits; and if my pilot jacket and oil-skin cap in + former days had half persuaded me that I was born for marine achievements, + certainly my cords and tops, that morning, went far to convince me that I + must have once been a very keen sportsman somewhere, without knowing it. + It was a delightful July day that I set out to join my friends, who having + recruited a large party, were to rendezvous at the corner of + Stephen's-green; thither I proceeded in a certain ambling trot, which I + have often observed is a very favourite pace with timid horsemen, and + gentlemen of the medical profession. I was hailed with a most hearty + welcome by a large party as I turned out of Grafton-street, among whom I + perceived several friends of Miss Eversham, and some young dragoon + officers, not of my acquaintance, but who appeared to know Fanny + intimately, and were laughing heartily with her as I rode up. + </p> + <p> + "I don't know if other men have experienced what I am about to mention or + not; but certainly to me there is no more painful sensation than to find + yourself among a number of well-mounted, well-equipped people, while the + animal you yourself bestride seems only fit for the kennel. Every look + that is cast at your unlucky steed—every whispered observation about + you are so many thorns in your flesh, till at last you begin to feel that + your appearance is for very little else than the amusement and mirth of + the assembly; and every time you rise in your stirrups you excite a laugh. + </p> + <p> + "'Where for mercy's sake did you find that creature?' said Fanny, + surveying Marius through her glass. + </p> + <p> + "'Oh, him, eh? Why he is a handsome horse, if in condition—a charger + your know—that's his style.' + </p> + <p> + "'Indeed,' lisped a young lancer, 'I should be devilish sorry to charge or + be charged with him.' And here they all chuckled at this puppy's silly + joke, and I drew up to repress further liberties. + </p> + <p> + "'Is he anything of a fencer?' said a young country gentleman. + </p> + <p> + "'To judge from his near eye, I should say much more of a boxer,' said + another. + </p> + <p> + "Here commenced a running fire of pleasantry at the expense of my poor + steed; which, not content with attacking his physical, extended to his + moral qualities. An old gentleman near me observing, 'that I ought not to + have mounted him at all, seeing he was so damned groggy;' to which I + replied, by insinuating, that if others present were as free from the + influence of ardent spirits, society would not be a sufferer; an + observation that I flatter myself turned the mirth against the old fellow, + for they all laughed for a quarter of an hour after. + </p> + <p> + "Well, at last we set out in a brisk trot, and, placed near Fanny, I + speedily forgot all my annoyances in the prospect of figuring to advantage + before her. When we reached College-green the leaders of the cortege + suddenly drew up, and we soon found that the entire street opposite the + Bank was filled with a dense mob of people, who appeared to be swayed + hither and thither, like some mighty beast, as the individuals composing + it were engaged in close conflict. It was nothing more nor less than one + of those almost weekly rows, which then took place between the students of + the University and the town's-people, and which rarely ended without + serious consequences. The numbers of people pressing on to the scene of + action soon blocked up our retreat, and we found ourselves most unwilling + spectators of the conflict. Political watch-words were loudly shouted by + each party; and at last the students, who appeared to be yielding to + superior numbers, called out for the intervention of the police. The aid + was nearer than they expected; for at the same instant a body of mounted + policemen, whose high helmets rendered them sufficiently conspicuous, were + seen trotting at a sharp pace down Dame-street. On they came with drawn + sabres, led by a well-looking gentlemanlike personage in plain clothes, + who dashed at once into the midst of the fray, issuing his orders, and + pointing out to his followers to secure the ringleaders. Up to this moment + I had been a most patient, and rather amused spectator, of what was doing. + Now, however, my part was to commence, for at the word 'charge,' given in + a harsh, deep voice by the sergeant of the party, Marius, remembering his + ancient instinct, pricked up his ears, cocked his tail, flung up both his + hind legs till they nearly broke the Provost's windows, and plunged into + the thickest of the fray like a devil incarnate. + </p> + <p> + "Self-preservation must be a strong instinct, for I well remember how + little pain it cost me to see the people tumbling and rolling before and + beneath me, while I continued to keep my seat. It was only the moment + before and that immense mass were in man to man encounter; now all the + indignation of both parties seemed turned upon me; brick-bats were loudly + implored, and paving stones begged to throw at my devoted head; the wild + huntsman of the German romance never created half the terror, nor + one-tenth of the mischief that I did in less than fifteen minutes, for the + ill-starred beast continued twining and twisting like a serpent, plunging + and kicking the entire time, and occasionally biting too; all which + accomplishments I afterwards learned, however little in request in civil + life, are highly prized in the horse police. + </p> + <p> + "Every new order of the sergeant was followed in his own fashion by + Marius; who very soon contrived to concentrate in my unhappy person, all + the interest of about fifteen hundred people. + </p> + <p> + "'Secure that scoundrel,' said the magistrate, pointing with his finger + towards me, as I rode over a respectable looking old lady, with a grey + muff. 'Secure him. Cut him down.' + </p> + <p> + "'Ah, devil's luck to him, if ye do,' said a newsmonger with a broken + shin. + </p> + <p> + "On I went, however, and now, as the Fates would have it, instead of + bearing me out of further danger, the confounded brute dashed onwards to + where the magistrate was standing, surrounded by policemen. I thought I + saw him change colour as I came on. I suppose my own looks were none of + the pleasantest, for the worthy man liked them not. Into the midst of them + we plunged, upsetting a corporal, horse and all, and appearing as if bent + upon reaching the alderman. + </p> + <p> + "'Cut him down for heaven's sake. Will nobody shoot him' said he, with a + voice trembling with fear and anger. + </p> + <p> + "At these words a wretch lifted up his sabre, and made a cut at my head. I + stooped suddenly, and throwing myself from the saddle, seized the poor + alderman round the neck, and we both came rolling to the ground together. + So completely was he possessed with the notion that I meant to assassinate + him, that while I was endeavouring to extricate myself from his grasp, he + continued to beg his life in the most heartrending manner. + </p> + <p> + "My story is now soon told. So effectually did they rescue the alderman + from his danger, that they left me insensible; and I only came to myself + some days after by finding myself in the dock in Green-street, charged + with an indictment of nineteen counts; the only word of truth is what lay + in the preamble, for the 'devil inciting' me only, would ever have made me + the owner of that infernal beast, the cause of all my misfortunes. I was + so stupified from my hearing, that I know little of the course of the + proceedings. My friends told me afterwards that I had a narrow escape from + transportation; but for the greatest influence exerted in my behalf, I + should certainly have passed the autumn in the agreeable recreation of + pounding oyster shells or carding wool; and it certainly must have gone + hard with me, for stupified as I was, I remember the sensation in court, + when the alderman made his appearance with a patch over his eye. The + affecting admonition of the little judge—who, when passing sentence + upon me, adverted to the former respectability of my life, and the rank of + my relatives—actually made the galleries weep. + </p> + <p> + "Four months in Newgate, and a fine to the king, then rewarded my taste + for horse-exercise; and it's no wonder if I prefer going on foot. + </p> + <p> + "As to Miss Eversham, the following short note from the dean concluded my + hopes in that quarter. + </p> + <blockquote> + <blockquote> + <p> + "'Deanery, Wednesday morning. + </p> + <p> + "'Sir,—After the very distressing publicity to which your late + conduct has exposed you—the so open avowal of political opinion, + at variance with those (I will say) of every gentleman—and the + recorded sentence of a judge on the verdict of twelve of your + countrymen—I should hope that you will not feel my present + admonition necessary to inform you, that your visits at my house shall + cease. + </p> + <p> + "'The presents you made my daughter, when under our unfortunate + ignorance of your real character, have been addressed to your hotel, + and I am your most obedient, humble servant, + </p> + <p> + "'Oliver Eversham.' + </p> + </blockquote> + </blockquote> + <p> + "Here ended my second affair 'par amours;' and I freely confess to you + that if I can only obtain a wife in a sea voyage, or a steeple chase, I am + likely to fulfill one great condition in modern advertising—'as + having no incumbrance, or any objection to travel.'" + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch34" id="ch34"></a>CHAPTER XXXIV. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + THE DUEL. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + <a name="Mr._OLeary_Imagines_Himself_Kilt" + id="Mr._OLeary_Imagines_Himself_Kilt">Mr. O'Leary Imagines Himself Kilt</a> + </h3> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%;"> + <img alt="Ch 34 Mr O'Leary Imagines Himself Kilt.jpg (70K)" + src="images/Ch%2034%20Mr%20OLeary%20Imagines%20Himself%20Kilt.jpg" + width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <a href="images2/Ch%2034%20Mr%20OLeary%20Imagines%20Himself%20Kilt.jpg">BLACK + AND WHITE IMAGE</a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + Mr. O'Leary had scarcely concluded the narrative of his second adventure, + when the grey light of the breaking day was seen faintly struggling + through the half-closed curtains, and apprising us of the lateness of the + hour. + </p> + <p> + "I think we shall just have time for one finishing flask of Chambertin," + said O'Leary, as he emptied the bottle into his glass. + </p> + <p> + "I forbid the bans, for one," cried Trevanion. "We have all had wine + enough, considering what we have before us this morning; and besides you + are not aware it is now past four o'clock. So garcon—garcon, there—how + soundly the poor fellow sleeps—let us have some coffee, and then + inquire if a carriage is in waiting at the corner of the Rue Vivienne." + </p> + <p> + The coffee made its appearance, very much, as it seemed, to Mr. O'Leary's + chagrin, who, however, solaced himself by sundry petits verres, to correct + the coldness of the wine he had drank, and at length recovered his good + humour. + </p> + <p> + "Do you know, now," said he, after a short pause, in which we had all kept + silence, "I think what we are about to do, is the very ugliest way of + finishing a pleasant evening. For my own part I like the wind up we used + to have in 'Old Trinity' formerly; when, after wringing off half a dozen + knockers, breaking the lamps at the post-office, and getting out the fire + engines of Werburgh's parish, we beat a few watchmen, and went peaceably + to bed." + </p> + <p> + "Well, not being an Irishman," said Trevanion, "I'm half disposed to think + that even our present purpose is nearly as favourable to life and limb; + but here comes my servant. Well, John, is all arranged, and the carriage + ready?" + </p> + <p> + Having ascertained that the carriage was in waiting, and that the small + box—brass bound and Bramah-locked—reposed within, we paid our + bill and departed. A cold, raw, misty-looking morning, with masses of dark + louring clouds overhead, and channels of dark and murky water beneath, + were the pleasant prospects which met us as we issued forth from the Cafe. + The lamps, which hung suspended midway across the street, (we speak of + some years since,) creaked, with a low and plaintive sound, as they swung + backwards and forwards in the wind. Not a footstep was heard in the street—nothing + but the heavy patter of the rain as it fell ceaselessly upon the broad + pavement. It was, indeed, a most depressing and dispiriting accompaniment + to our intended excursion: and even O'Leary, who seemed to have but slight + sympathy with external influences, felt it, for he spoke but little, and + was scarcely ten minutes in the carriage till he was sound asleep. This + was, I confess, a great relief to me; for, however impressed I was, and to + this hour am, with the many sterling qualitites of my poor friend, yet, I + acknowledge, that this was not precisely the time I should have cared for + their exercise, and would have much preferred the companionship of a + different order of person, even though less long acquainted with him. + Trevanion was, of all others, the most suitable for this purpose; and I + felt no embarrassment in opening my mind freely to him upon subjects + which, but twenty-four hours previous, I could not have imparted to a + brother. + </p> + <p> + There is no such unlocker of the secrets of the heart as the possibly near + approach of death. Indeed, I question if a great deal of the bitterness + the thought of it inspires, does not depend upon that very circumstance. + The reflection that the long-treasured mystery of our lives (and who is + there without some such?) is about to become known, and the secret of our + inmost heart laid bare, is in itself depressing. Not one kind word, nor + one remembrancing adieu, to those we are to leave for ever, can be spoken + or written, without calling up its own story of half-forgotten griefs or, + still worse, at such a moment, of happiness never again to be partaken of. + </p> + <p> + "I cannot explain why," said I to Trevanion, "but although it has + unfortunately been pretty often my lot to have gone out on occasions like + this, both as principal and friend, yet never before did I feel so + completely depressed and low-spirited—and never, in fact, did so + many thoughts of regret arise before me for much of the past, and sorrow + for the chance of abandoning the future"— + </p> + <p> + "I can understand," said Trevanion, interrupting—"I have heard of + your prospect in the Callonby family, and certainly, with such hopes, I + can well conceive how little one would be disposed to brook the slightest + incident which could interfere with their accomplishment; but, now that + your cousin Guy's pretensions in that quarter are at an end, I suppose, + from all I have heard, that there can be no great obstacle to yours." + </p> + <p> + "Guy's pretensions at an end! For heaven's sake, tell me all you know of + this affair—for up to this moment I am in utter ignorance of every + thing regarding his position among the Callonby family." + </p> + <p> + "Unfortunately," replied Trevanion, "I know but little, but still that + little is authentic—Guy himself having imparted the secret to a very + intimate friend of mine. It appears, then, that your cousin, having heard + that the Callonbys had been very civil to you in Ireland, and made all + manner of advances to you—had done so under the impression that you + were the other nephew of Sir Guy, and consequently the heir of a large + fortune—that is, Guy himself—and that they had never + discovered the mistake during the time they resided in Ireland, when they + not only permitted, but even encouraged the closest intimacy between you + and Lady Jane. Is so far true?" + </p> + <p> + "I have long suspected it. Indeed in no other way can I account for the + reception I met with from the Callonbys. But is it possible that Lady Jane + could have lent herself to any thing so unworthy."— + </p> + <p> + "Pray, hear me out," said Trevanion, who was evidently struck by the + despondency of my voice and manner. "Guy having heard of their mistake, + and auguring well to himself from this evidence of their disposition, no + sooner heard of their arrival in Paris, than he came over here and got + introduced to them. From that time he scarcely ever left their house, + except to accompany them into society, or to the theatres. It is said that + with Lady Jane he made no progress. Her manner, at the beginning cold and + formal, became daily more so; until, at last, he was half disposed to + abandon the pursuit—in which, by the by, he has since confessed, + monied views entered more than any affection for the lady—when the + thought struck him to benefit by what he supposed at first to be the great + bar to his success. He suddenly pretended to be only desirous of intimacy + with Lady Jane, from having heard so much of her from you—affected + to be greatly in your confidence—and, in fact, assumed the character + of a friend cognizant of all your feelings and hopes, and ardently + desiring, by every means in his power, to advance your views—" + </p> + <p> + "And was it thus he succeeded," I broke in. + </p> + <p> + "'Twas thus he endeavoured to succeed," said Trevanion. + </p> + <p> + "Ah, with what success I but too well know" said I. "My uncle himself + showed me a letter from Guy, in which he absolutely speaks of the affair + as settled, and talks of Lady Jane as about to be his wife." + </p> + <p> + "That may be all quite true; but a little consideration of Guy's tactics + will show what he intended; for I find that he induced your uncle, by some + representations of his, to make the most handsome proposals, with regard + to the marriage, to the Callonbys; and that, to make the story short, + nothing but the decided refusal of Lady Jane, who at length saw through + his entire game prevented the match." + </p> + <p> + "And then she did refuse him," said I, with ill-repressed exultation. + </p> + <p> + "Of that there can be no doubt; for independently of all the gossip and + quizzing upon the subject, to which Guy was exposed in the coteries, he + made little secret of it himself—openly avowing that he did not + consider a repulse a defeat, and that he resolved to sustain the siege as + vigorously as ever." + </p> + <p> + However interested I felt in all Trevanion was telling me, I could not + help falling into a train of thinking on my first acquaintance with the + Callonbys. There are, perhaps, but few things more humiliating than the + knowledge that any attention or consideration we have met with, has been + paid us in mistake for another; and in the very proportion that they were + prized before, are they detested when the truth is known to us. + </p> + <p> + To all the depressing influences these thoughts suggested, came the + healing balm that Lady Jane was true to me—that she, at least, + however others might be biassed by worldly considerations—that she + cared for me —for myself alone. My reader (alas! for my character + for judgment) knows upon how little I founded the conviction; but I have + often, in these Confessions, avowed my failing, par excellence, to be a + great taste for self-deception; and here was a capital occasion for its + indulgence. + </p> + <p> + "We shall have abundant time to discuss this later on," said Trevanion, + laying his hand upon my shoulder to rouse my wandering attention—"for + now, I perceive, we have only eight minutes to spare." + </p> + <p> + As he spoke, a dragoon officer, in an undress, rode up to the window of + the carriage, and looking steadily at our party for a few seconds, asked + if we were "Messieurs les Anglais;" and, almost without waiting for reply, + added, "You had better not go any farther in your carriage, for the next + turn of the road will bring you in sight of the village." + </p> + <p> + We accordingly stopped the driver, and having (with) some difficulty + aroused O'Leary, got out upon the road. The militaire here gave his horse + to a groom, and proceeded to guide us through a corn-field by a narrow + path, with whose windings and crossings he appeared quite conversant. We + at length reached the brow of a little hill, from which an extended view + of the country lay before us, showing the Seine winding its tranquil + course between the richly tilled fields, dotted with many a pretty + cottage. Turning abruptly from this point, our guide led us, by a narrow + and steep path, into a little glen, planted with poplar and willows. A + small stream ran through this, and by the noise we soon detected that a + mill was not far distant, which another turning brought us at once in + front of. + </p> + <p> + And here I cannot help dwelling upon the "tableau" which met our view. In + the porch of the little rural mill sat two gentlemen, one of whom I + immediately recognised as the person who had waited upon me, and the other + I rightly conjectured to be my adversary. Before them stood a small table, + covered with a spotless napkin, upon which a breakfast equipage was spread—a + most inviting melon and a long, slender-necked bottle, reposing in a + little ice-pail, forming part of the "materiel." My opponent was cooly + enjoying his cigar—a half-finished cup of coffee lay beside him—his + friend was occupied in examining the caps of the duelling pistols, which + were placed upon a chair. No sooner had we turned the angle which brought + us in view, than they both rose, and, taking off their hats with much + courtesy, bade us good morning. + </p> + <p> + "May I offer you a cup of coffee," said Monsieur Derigny to me, as I came + up, at the same time filling it out, and pushing over a little flask of + Cogniac towards me. + </p> + <p> + A look from Trevanion decided my acceptance of the proferred civility, and + I seated myself in the chair beside the baron. Trevanion meanwhile had + engaged my adversary in conversation along with the stranger, who had been + our guide, leaving O'Leary alone unoccupied, which, however, he did not + long remain; for, although uninvited by the others, he seized a knife and + fork, and commenced a vigorous attack upon a partridge pie near him; and, + with equal absence of ceremony, uncorked the champaign and filled out a + foaming goblet, nearly one-third of the whole bottle, adding— + </p> + <p> + "I think, Mr. Lorrequer, there's nothing like showing them that we are + just as cool and unconcerned as themselves." + </p> + <p> + If I might judge from the looks of the party, a happier mode of convincing + them of our "free-and-easy" feelings could not possibly have been + discovered. From any mortification this proceeding might have caused me, I + was speedily relieved by Trevanion calling O'Leary to one side, while he + explained to him that he must nominally act as second on the ground, as + Trevanion, being a resident in Paris, might become liable to a + prosecution, should any thing serious arise, while O'Leary, as a mere + passer through, could cross the frontier into Germany, and avoid all + trouble. + </p> + <p> + O'Leary at once acceded—perhaps the more readily because he expected + to be allowed to return to his breakfast—but in this he soon found + himself mistaken, for the whole party now rose, and preceded by the baron, + followed the course of the little stream. + </p> + <p> + After about five minutes' walking, we found ourselves at the outlet of the + glen, which was formed by a large stone quarry, making a species of + amphitheatre, with lofty walls of rugged granite, rising thirty or forty + feet on either side of us. The ground was smooth and level as a boarded + floor, and certainly to amateurs in these sort of matters, presented a + most perfect spot for a "meeting." + </p> + <p> + The stranger who had just joined us, could not help remarking our looks of + satisfaction at the choice of ground, and observed to me— + </p> + <p> + "This is not the first affair that this little spot has witnessed; and the + moulinet of St. Cloud is, I think, the very best 'meet' about Paris." + </p> + <p> + Trevanion who, during these few minutes, had been engaged with Derigny, + now drew me aside. + </p> + <p> + "Well, Lorrequer, have you any recollection now of having seen your + opponent before? or can you make a guess at the source of all this?" + </p> + <p> + "Never till this instant," said I, "have I beheld him," as I looked + towards the tall, stoutly-built figure of my adversary, who was very + leisurely detaching a cordon from his tightly fitting frock, doubtless to + prevent its attracting my aim. + </p> + <p> + "Well, never mind, I shall manage every thing properly. What can you do + with the small sword, for they have rapiers at the mill?" + </p> + <p> + "Nothing whatever; I have not fenced since I was a boy." + </p> + <p> + "N'importe—then we'll fight at a barriere. I know they're not + prepared for that from Englishmen; so just step on one side now, and leave + me to talk it over." + </p> + <p> + As the limited nature of the ground did not permit me to retire to a + distance, I became involuntarily aware of a dialogue, which even the + seriousness of the moment could scarcely keep me from laughing at + outright. + </p> + <p> + It was necessary, for the sake of avoiding any possible legal difficulty + in the result, that O'Leary should give his assent to every step of the + arrangement; and being totally ignorant of French, Trevanion had not only + to translate for him, but also to render in reply O'Leary's own comments + or objections to the propositions of the others. + </p> + <p> + "Then it is agreed—we fight at a barriere," said the Captain + Derigny. + </p> + <p> + "What's that, Trevanion?" + </p> + <p> + "We have agreed to place them at a barriere," replied Trevanion. + </p> + <p> + "That's strange," muttered O'Leary to himself, who, knowing that the word + meant a "turnpike," never supposed it had any other signification. + </p> + <p> + "Vingt quatre pas, n'est pas," said Derigny. + </p> + <p> + "Too far," interposed Trevanion. + </p> + <p> + "What does he say now?" asked O'Leary. + </p> + <p> + "Twenty-four paces for the distance." + </p> + <p> + "Twenty-four of my teeth he means," said O'Leary, snapping his fingers. + "What does he think of the length of Sackville-street? Ask him that, will + ye?" + </p> + <p> + "What says Monsieur?" said the Frenchman. + </p> + <p> + "He thinks the distance much too great." + </p> + <p> + "He may be mistaken," said the Captain, half sneeringly. "My friend is 'de + la premiere force.'" + </p> + <p> + "That must be something impudent, from your looks, Mr. Trevanion. Isn't it + a thousand pities I can't speak French?" + </p> + <p> + "What say you, then, to twelve paces? Fire together, and two shots each, + if the first fire be inconclusive," said Trevanion. + </p> + <p> + "And if necessary," added the Frenchman, carelessly, "conclude with these"—touching + the swords with his foot as he spoke. + </p> + <p> + "The choice of the weapon lies with us, I opine," replied Trevanion. "We + have already named pistols, and by them we shall decide this matter." + </p> + <p> + It was at length, after innumerable objections, agreed upon that we should + be placed back to back, and at a word given each walk forward to a certain + distance marked out by a stone, where we were to halt, and at the signal, + "une," "deux," turn round and fire. + </p> + <p> + This, which is essentially a French invention in duelling, was perfectly + new to me, but by no means to Trevanion, who was fully aware of the + immense consequence of not giving even a momentary opportunity for aim to + my antagonist; and in this mode of firing the most practised and deadly + shot is liable to err—particularly if the signal be given quickly. + </p> + <p> + While Trevanion and the Captain were measuring out the ground, a little + circumstance which was enacted near me was certainly not over calculated + to strengthen my nerve. The stranger who had led us to the ground had + begun to examine the pistols, and finding that one of them was loaded, + turned towards my adversary, saying, "De Haultpenne, you have forgotten to + draw the charge. Come let us see what vein you are in." At the same time, + drawing off his large cavalry glove, he handed the pistol to his friend. + </p> + <p> + "A double Napoleon you don't hit the thumb." + </p> + <p> + "Done," said the other, adjusting the weapon in his hand. + </p> + <p> + The action was scarcely performed, when the bettor flung the glove into + the air with all his force. My opponent raised his pistol, waited for an + instant, till the glove, having attained its greatest height, turned to + fall again. Then click went the trigger—the glove turned round and + round half-a-dozen times, and fell about twenty yards off, and the thumb + was found cut clearly off at the juncture with the hand. + </p> + <p> + This—which did not occupy half as long as I have spent in recounting + it —was certainly a pleasant introduction to standing at fifteen + yards from the principal actor; and I should doubtless have felt it in all + its force, had not my attention been drawn off by the ludicrous expression + of grief in O'Leary's countenance, who evidently regarded me as already + defunct. + </p> + <p> + "Now, Lorrequer, we are ready," said Trevanion, coming forward; and then, + lowering his voice, added, "All is in your favour; I have won the 'word,' + which I shall give the moment you halt. So turn and fire at once: be sure + not to go too far round in the turn—that is the invariable error in + this mode of firing; only no hurry—be calm." + </p> + <p> + "Now, Messieurs," said Derigny, as he approached with his friend leaning + upon his arm, and placed him in the spot allotted to him. Trevanion then + took my arm, and placed me back to back to my antagonist. As I took up my + ground, it so chanced that my adversary's spur slightly grazed me, upon + which he immediately turned round, and, with the most engaging smile, + begged a "thousand pardons," and hoped I was not hurt. + </p> + <p> + O'Leary, who saw the incident, and guessed the action aright, called out: + </p> + <p> + "Oh, the cold-blooded villain; the devil a chance for you, Mr. Lorrequer." + </p> + <p> + "Messieurs, your pistols," said Le Capitaine la Garde, who, as he handed + the weapons, and repeated once more the conditions of the combat, gave the + word to march. + </p> + <p> + I now walked slowly forward to the place marked out by the stone; but it + seemed that I must have been in advance of my opponent, for I remember + some seconds elapsed before Trevanion coughed slightly, and then with a + clear full voice called out "Une," "Deux." I had scarcely turned myself + half round, when my right arm was suddenly lifted up, as if by a galvanic + shock. My pistol jerked upwards, and exploded the same moment, and then + dropped powerlessly from my hand, which I now felt was covered with warm + blood from a wound near the elbow. From the acute but momentary pang this + gave me, my attention was soon called off; for scarcely had my arm been + struck, when a loud clattering noise to my left induced me to turn, and + then, to my astonishment, I saw my friend O'Leary about twelve feet from + the ground, hanging on by some ash twigs that grew from the clefts of the + granite. Fragments of broken rock were falling around him, and his own + position momentarily threatened a downfall. He was screaming with all his + might; but what he said was entirely lost in the shouts of laughter of + Trevanion and the Frenchmen, who could scarcely stand with the immoderate + exuberance of their mirth. + </p> + <p> + I had not time to run to his aid—which, although wounded, I should + have done—when the branch he clung to, slowly yielded with his + weight, and the round, plump figure of my poor friend rolled over the + little cleft of rock, and, after a few faint struggles, came tumbling + heavily down, and at last lay peaceably in the deep heather at the bottom—his + cries the whole time being loud enough to rise even above the vociferous + laughter of the others. + </p> + <p> + I now ran forward, as did Trevanion, when O'Leary, turning his eyes + towards me, said, in the most piteous manner— + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Lorrequer, I forgive you—here is my hand—bad luck to + their French way of fighting, that's all—it's only good for killing + one's friend. I thought I was safe up there, come what might." + </p> + <p> + "My dear O'Leary," said I, in an agony, which prevented my minding the + laughing faces around me, "surely you don't mean to say that I have + wounded you?" + </p> + <p> + "No, dear, not wounded, only killed me outright—through the brain it + must be, from the torture I'm suffering." + </p> + <p> + The shout with which this speech was received, sufficiently aroused me; + while Trevanion, with a voice nearly choked with laughter, said— + </p> + <p> + "Why, Lorrequer, did you not see that your pistol, on being struck, threw + your ball high up on the quarry; fortunately, however, about a foot and a + half above Mr. O'Leary's head, whose most serious wounds are his scratched + hands and bruised bones from his tumble." + </p> + <p> + This explanation, which was perfectly satisfactory to me, was by no means + so consoling to poor O'Leary, who lay quite unconscious to all around, + moaning in the most melancholy manner. Some of the blood, which continued + to flow fast from my wound, having dropped upon his face, roused him a + little—but only to increase his lamentation for his own destiny, + which he believed was fast accomplishing. + </p> + <p> + "Through the skull—clean through the skull—and preserving my + senses to the last! Mr. Lorrequer, stoop down—it is a dying man asks + you—don't refuse me a last request. There's neither luck nor grace, + honor nor glory in such a way of fighting—so just promise me you'll + shoot that grinning baboon there, when he's going off the ground, since + it's the fashion to fire at a man with his back to you. Bring him down, + and I'll die easy." + </p> + <p> + And with these words he closed his eyes, and straightened out his legs—stretched + his arm at either side, and arranged himself as much corpse fashion as the + circumstances of the ground would permit—while I now freely + participated in the mirth of the others, which, loud and boisterous as it + was, never reached the ears of O'Leary. + </p> + <p> + My arm had now become so painful, that I was obliged to ask Trevanion to + assist me in getting off my coat. The surprise of the Frenchmen on + learning that I was wounded was very considerable—O'Leary's + catastrophe having exclusively engaged all attention. My arm was now + examined, when it was discovered that the ball had passed through from one + side to the other, without apparently touching the bone; the bullet and + the portion of my coat carried in by it both lay in my sleeve. The only + serious consequence to be apprehended was the wound of the blood-vessel, + which continued to pour forth blood unceasingly, and I was just surgeon + enough to guess that an artery had been cut. + </p> + <p> + Trevanion bound his handkerchief tightly across the wound, and assisted me + to the high road, which, so sudden was the loss of blood, I reached with + difficulty. During all these proceedings, nothing could be possibly more + kind and considerate than the conduct of our opponents. All the farouche + and swaggering air which they had deemed the "rigueur" before, at once + fled, and in its place we found the most gentlemanlike attention and true + politeness. + </p> + <p> + As soon as I was enabled to speak upon the matter, I begged Trevanion to + look to poor O'Leary, who still lay upon the ground in a state of perfect + unconsciousness. Captain Derigny, on hearing my wish, at once returned to + the quarry, and, with the greatest difficulty, persuaded my friend to rise + and endeavour to walk, which at last he did attempt, calling him to bear + witness that it perhaps was the only case on record where a man with a + bullet in his brain had made such an exertion. + </p> + <p> + With a view to my comfort and quiet, they put him into the cab of Le + Baron; and, having undertaken to send Dupuytrien to me immediately on my + reaching Paris, took their leave, and Trevanion and I set out homeward. + </p> + <p> + Not all my exhaustion and debility—nor even the acute pain I was + suffering, could prevent my laughing at O'Leary's adventure; and it + required all Trevanion's prudence to prevent my indulging too far in my + recollection of it. + </p> + <p> + When we reached Meurice's, I found Dupuytrien in waiting, who immediately + pronounced the main artery of the limb as wounded; and almost as + instantaneously proceeded to pass a ligature round it. This painful + business being concluded, I was placed upon a sofa, and being plentifully + supplied with lemonade, and enjoined to keep quiet, left to my own + meditations, such as they were, till evening—Trevanion having taken + upon him to apologize for our absence at Mrs. Bingham's dejeune, and + O'Leary being fast asleep in his own apartments. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch35" id="ch35"></a>CHAPTER XXXV. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + EARLY RECOLLECTIONS—A FIRST LOVE. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + I know of no sensations so very nearly alike, as those felt on awaking + after very sudden and profuse loss of blood, and those resulting from a + large dose of opium. The dizziness, the confusion, and the abstraction at + first, gradually yielding, as the senses became clearer, to a vague and + indistinct consciousness; then the strange mistiness, in which fact and + fiction are wrapped up—the confounding of persons, and places, and + times, not so as to embarrass and annoy—for the very debility you + feel subdues all irritation—but rather to present a panoramic + picture of odd and incongruous events more pleasing than otherwise. + </p> + <p> + Of the circumstances by which I was thus brought to a sick couch, I had + not even the most vague recollection—the faces and the dress of all + those I had lately seen were vividly before me; but how, and for what + purpose I knew not. Something in their kindness and attention had left an + agreeable impression upon my mind, and without being able, or even + attempting to trace it, I felt happy in the thought. While thus the "hour + before" was dim and indistinct, the events of years past were vividly and + brightly pictured before me; and strange, too, the more remote the period, + the more did it seem palpable and present to my imagination. For so it is, + there is in memory a species of mental long-sightedness, which, though + blind to the object close beside you, can reach the blue mountains and the + starry skies, which lie full many a league away. Is this a malady? or is + it rather a providential gift to alleviate the tedious hours of the sick + bed, and cheer the lonely sufferer, whose thoughts are his only realm? + </p> + <p> + My school-boy days, in all their holiday excitement; the bank where I had + culled the earliest cowslips of the year; the clear but rapid stream, + where days long I have watched the speckled trout, as they swam peacefully + beneath, or shook their bright fins in the gay sunshine; the gorgeous + dragon-fly that played above the water, and dipped his bright wings in its + ripple—they were all before me. And then came the thought of school + itself, with its little world of boyish cares and emulations; the early + imbibed passion for success; the ardent longing for superiority; the high + and swelling feeling of the heart, as home drew near, to think that I had + gained the wished for prize—the object of many an hour's toil—the + thought of many a long night's dream; my father's smile; my mother's kiss! + Oh! what a very world of tender memory that one thought suggests; for what + are all our later successes in life—how bright soever our fortune be—compared + with the early triumphs of our infancy? Where, among the jealous rivalry + of some, the cold and half-wrung praise of others, the selfish and + unsympathising regard of all, shall we find any thing to repay us for the + swelling extacy of our young hearts, as those who have cradled and loved + us grow proud in our successes? For myself, a life that has failed in + every prestige of those that prophesied favourably—years that have + followed on each other only to blight the promise that kind and + well-wishing friends foretold—leave but little to dwell upon, that + can be reckoned as success. And yet, some moments I have had, which half + seemed to realize my early dream of ambition, and rouse my spirit within + me; but what were they all compared to my boyish glories? what the passing + excitement one's own heart inspires in the lonely and selfish solitude, + when compared with that little world of sympathy and love our early home + teemed with, as, proud in some trifling distinction, we fell into a + mother's arms, and heard our father's "God bless you, boy?" No, no; the + world has no requital for this. It is like the bright day-spring, which, + as its glories gild the east, display before us a whole world of beauty + and promise—blighted hopes have not withered, false friendships have + not scathed, cold, selfish interest has not yet hardened our hearts, or + dried up our affections, and we are indeed happy; but equally like the + burst of morning is it fleeting and short-lived; and equally so, too, does + it pass away, never, never to return. + </p> + <p> + From thoughts like these my mind wandered on to more advanced years, when, + emerging from very boyhood, I half believed myself a man, and was fully + convinced I was in love. + </p> + <p> + Perhaps, after all, for the time it lasted—ten days, I think—it + was the most sincere passion I ever felt. I had been spending some weeks + at a small watering-place in Wales with some relatives of my mother. There + were, as might be supposed, but few "distractions" in such a place, save + the scenery, and an occasional day's fishing in the little river of + Dolgelly, which ran near. In all these little rambles which the younger + portion of the family made together, frequent mention was ever being made + of a visit from a very dear cousin, and to which all looked forward with + the greatest eagerness—the elder ones of the party with a certain + air of quiet pleasure, as though they knew more than they said, and the + younger with all the childish exuberance of youthful delight. Clara + Mourtray seemed to be, from all I was hourly hearing, the very paragon and + pattern of every thing. If any one was praised for beauty, Clara was + immediately pronounced much prettier—did any one sing, Clara's voice + and taste were far superior. In our homeward walk, should the shadows of + the dark hills fall with a picturesque effect upon the blue lake, some one + was sure to say, "Oh! how Clara would like to sketch that." In short, + there was no charm nor accomplishment ever the gift of woman, that Clara + did not possess; or, what amounted pretty much to the same thing, that my + relatives did not implicitly give her credit for. The constantly recurring + praises of the same person affect us always differently as we go on in + life. In youth the prevailing sentiment is an ardent desire to see the + prodigy of whom we have heard so much—in after years, heartily to + detest what hourly hurts our self-love by comparisons. We would take any + steps to avoid meeting what we have inwardly decreed to be a "bore." The + former was my course; and though my curiosity was certainly very great, I + had made up my mind to as great a disappointment, and half wished for the + longed arrival as a means of criticising what they could see no fault in. + </p> + <p> + The wished-for evening at length came, and we all set out upon a walk to + meet the carriage which was to bring the bien aime Clara among us. We had + not walked above a mile when the eager eye of the foremost detected a + cloud of dust upon the road at some distance; and, after a few minutes + more, four posters were seen coming along at a tremendous rate. The next + moment she was making the tour of about a dozen uncles, aunts, cousins, + and cousines, none of whom, it appeared to me, felt any peculiar desire to + surrender the hearty embrace to the next of kin in succession. At last she + came to me, when, perhaps, in the confusion of the moment, not exactly + remembering whether or not she had seen me before, she stood for a moment + silent—a deep blush mantling her lovely cheek—masses of waving + brown hair disordered and floating upon her shoulders—her large and + liquid blue eyes beaming upon me. One look was enough. I was deeply—irretrievably + in love. + </p> + <p> + "Our cousin Harry—Harry Lorrequer—wild Harry, as we used to + call him, Clara," said one of the girls introducing me. + </p> + <p> + She held out her hand, and said something with a smile. What, I know not—nor + can I tell how I replied; but something absurd it must have been, for they + all laughed heartily, and the worthy papa himself tapped my shoulder + jestingly, adding, + </p> + <p> + "Never mind, Harry—you will do better one day, or I am much mistaken + in you." + </p> + <p> + Whether I was conscious that I had behaved foolishly or not, I cannot well + say; but the whole of that night I thought over plans innumerable how I + should succeed in putting myself forward before "Cousin Clara," and + vindicating myself against any imputation of schoolboy mannerisms that my + first appearance might have caused. + </p> + <p> + The next day we remained at home. Clara was too much fatigued to walk out, + and none of us would leave her. What a day of happiness that was! I knew + something of music, and could sing a second. Clara was delighted at this, + for the others had not cultivated singing much. We therefore spent the + whole morning in this way. Then she produced her sketch-book, and I + brought out mine, and we had a mutual interchange of prisoners. What + cutting out of leaves and detaching of rice-paper landscapes! The she came + out upon the lawn to see my pony leap, and promised to ride him the + following day. She patted the greyhounds, and said Gipsy, which was mine, + was the prettiest. In a word, before night fell Clara had won my heart in + its every fibre, and I went to my room the very happiest of mortals. + </p> + <p> + I need not chronicle my next three days—to me the most glorious + "trois jours" of my life. Clara had evidently singled me out and preferred + me to all the rest. It was beside me she rode—upon my arm she leaned + in walking—and, to comble me with delight unutterable, I overheard + her say to my uncle, "Oh, I doat upon poor Harry! And it is so pleasant, + for I'm sure Mortimer will be so jealous." + </p> + <p> + "And who is Mortimer," thought I; "he is a new character in the piece, of + whom we have seen nothing." + </p> + <p> + I was not long in doubt upon this head, for that very day, at dinner, the + identical Mortimer presented himself. He was a fine, dashing-looking, + soldier-like fellow, of about thirty-five, and with a heavy moustache, and + a bronzed cheek—rather grave in his manner, but still perfectly + good-natured, and when he smiled showing a most handsome set of regular + teeth. Clara seemed less pleased (I thought) at his coming than the + others, and took pleasure in tormenting him by a thousand pettish and + frivolous ways, which I was sorry for, as I thought he did not like it; + and used to look half chidingly at her from time to time, but without any + effect, for she just went on as before, and generally ended by taking my + arm and saying, "Come away, Harry; you always are kind, and never look + sulky. I can agree with you." These were delightful words for me to listen + to, but I could not hear them without feeling for him, who evidently was + pained by Clara's avowed preference for me; and whose years—for I + thought thirty-five at that time a little verging upon the patriarchal—entitled + him to more respect. + </p> + <p> + "Well," thought I, one evening, as this game had been carried rather + farther than usual, "I hope she is content now, for certainly Mortimer is + jealous;" and the result proved it, for the whole of the following day he + absented himself, and never came back till late in the evening. He had + been, I found, from a chance observation I overheard, at the bishop's + palace, and the bishop himself, I learned, was to breakfast with us in the + morning. + </p> + <p> + "Harry, I have a commission for you," said Clara. "You must get up very + early to-morrow, and climb the Cader mountain, and bring me a grand + bouquet of the blue and purple heath that I liked so much the last time I + was there. Mind very early, for I intend to surprise the bishop to-morrow + with my taste in a nosegay." + </p> + <p> + The sun had scarcely risen as I sprang from my bed, and started upon my + errand. Oh! the glorious beauty of that morning's walk. As I climbed the + mountain, the deep mists lay upon all around, and except the path I was + treading, nothing was visible; but before I reached the top, the heavy + masses of vapour were yielding to the influence of the sun; and as they + rolled from the valleys up the mountain sides, were every instant opening + new glens and ravines beneath me—bright in all their verdure, and + speckled with sheep, whose tingling bells reached me even where I stood. + </p> + <p> + I counted above twenty lakes at different levels, below me; some + brilliant, and shining like polished mirrors; others not less beautiful, + dark and solemn with some mighty mountain shadow. As I looked landward, + the mountains reared their huge crests, one above the other, to the + farthest any eye could reach. Towards the opposite side, the calm and + tranquil sea lay beneath me, bathed in the yellow gold of a rising sun; a + few ships were peaceably lying at anchor in the bay; and the only thing in + motion was a row-boat, the heavy monotonous stroke of whose oars rose in + the stillness of the morning air. Not a single habitation of man could I + descry, nor any vestige of a human being, except that mass of something + upon the rock far down beneath be one, and I think it is, for I see the + sheep-dog ever returning again and again to the same spot. + </p> + <p> + My bouquet was gathered; the gentian of the Alps, which is found here, + also contributing its evidence to show where I had been to seek it, and I + turned home. + </p> + <p> + The family were at breakfast as I entered; at least so the servants said, + for I only remembered then that the bishop was our guest, and that I could + not present myself without some slight attention to my dress. I hastened + to my room, and scarcely had I finished, when one of my cousins, a little + girl of eight years, came to the door and said, + </p> + <p> + "Harry, come down; Clara wants you." + </p> + <p> + I rushed down stairs, and as I entered the breakfast parlour, stood still + with surprise. The ladies were all dressed in white, and even my little + cousin wore a gala costume that amazed me. + </p> + <p> + "My bouquet, Harry; I hope you have not forgotten it," said Clara, as I + approached. + </p> + <p> + I presented it at once, when she gaily and coquettishly held out her hand + for me to kiss. This I did, my blood rushing to my face and temples the + while, and almost depriving me of consciousness. + </p> + <p> + "Well, Clara, I am surprised at you," said Mortimer. "How can you treat + the poor boy so?" + </p> + <p> + I grew deadly pale at these words, and, turning round, looked at the + speaker full in the face. Poor fellow, thought I, he is jealous, and I am + really grieved for him; and turned again to Clara. + </p> + <p> + "Here it is—oh! how handsome, papa," said one of the younger + children, running eagerly to the window, as a very pretty open carriage + with four horses drew up before the house. + </p> + <p> + "The bishop has taste," I murmured to myself, scarcely deigning to give a + second look at the equipage. + </p> + <p> + Clara now left the room, but speedily returned—her dress changed, + and shawled as if for a walk. What could all this mean?—and the + whispering, too, what is all that?—and why are they all so sad?—Clara + has been weeping. + </p> + <p> + "God bless you, my child—good by," said my aunt, as she folded her + in her arms for the third time. + </p> + <p> + "Good by, good by," I heard on every side. At length, approaching me, + Clara took my hand and said— + </p> + <p> + "My poor Harry, so we are going to part. I am going to Italy." + </p> + <p> + "To Italy, Clara? Oh! no—say no. Italy! I shall never see you + again." + </p> + <p> + "Won't you wear this ring for me, Harry? It is an old favourite of yours—and + when we meet again"— + </p> + <p> + "Oh! dearest Clara," I said, "do not speak thus." + </p> + <p> + "Good by, my poor boy, good by," said Clara hurriedly; and, rushing out of + the room, she was lifted by Mortimer into the carriage, who, immediately + jumping in after her, the whip cracked, the horses clattered, and all was + out of sight in a second. + </p> + <p> + "Why is she gone with him?" said I, reproachfully, turning towards my + aunt. + </p> + <p> + "Why, my dear, a very sufficient reason. She was married this morning." + </p> + <p> + This was my first love. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch36" id="ch36"></a>CHAPTER XXXVI. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + WISE RESOLVES. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + Musing over this boyish adventure, I fell into a deep slumber, and on + awakening it took me some minutes before I could recall my senses + sufficiently to know where I was. The whole face of things in my room was + completely changed. Flowers had been put in the china vases upon the + tables—two handsome lamps, shaded with gauzes, stood upon the + consoles—illustrated books, prints, and caricatures, were scattered + about. A piano-forte had also, by some witchcraft, insinuated itself into + a recess near the sofa—a handsome little tea service, of old Dresden + china, graced a marquetry table—and a little picquet table stood + most invitingly beside the fire. I had scarcely time to turn my eyes from + one to the other of these new occupants, when I heard the handle of my + door gently turn, as if by some cautious hand, and immediately closed my + eyes and feigned sleep. Through my half-shut lids I perceived the door + opened. After a pause of about a second, the skirt of a white muslin dress + appeared—then a pretty foot stole a little farther—and at last + the slight and graceful figure of Emily Bingham advanced noiselessly into + the room. Fear had rendered her deadly pale; but the effect of her rich + brown hair, braided plainly on either side of her cheek, suited so well + the character of her features, I thought her far handsomer than ever. She + came forward towards the table, and I now could perceive that she had + something in her hand resembling a letter. This she placed near my hand + —so near as almost to touch it. She leaned over me—I felt her + breath upon my brow, but never moved. At this instant, a tress of her + hair, becoming unfastened, fell over upon my face. She started—the + motion threw me off my guard, and I looked up. She gave a faint, scarce + audible shriek, and sank into the chair beside me. Recovering, however, + upon the instant, she grasped the letter she had just laid down, and, + having crushed it between her fingers, threw it into the fire. This done—as + if the effort had been too much for her strength—she again fell back + upon her seat, and looked so pale I almost thought she had fainted. + </p> + <p> + Before I had time to speak, she rose once more; and now her face was + bathed in blushes, her eyes swam with rising tears, and her lips trembled + with emotion as she spoke. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, Mr. Lorrequer, what will you—what can you think of this? If you + but knew—;" and here she faltered and again grew pale, while I with + difficulty rising from the sofa, took her hand, and led her to the chair + beside it. + </p> + <p> + "And may I not know?" said I; "may I not know, my dear"—I am not + sure I did not say dearest—"Miss Bingham, when, perhaps, the + knowledge might make me the happiest of mortals?" + </p> + <p> + This was a pretty plunge as a sequel to my late resolutions. She hid her + face between her hands, and sobbed for some seconds. + </p> + <p> + "At least," said I, "as that letter was destined for me but a few moments + since, I trust that you will let me hear its contents." + </p> + <p> + "Oh no—not now—not now," said she entreatingly; and, rising at + the same time, she turned to leave the room. I still held her hand, and + pressed it within mine. I thought she returned the pressure. I leaned + forward to catch her eye, when the door was opened hastily, and a most + extraordinary figure presented itself. + </p> + <p> + It was a short, fat man, with a pair of enormous moustaches, of a fiery + red; huge bushy whiskers of the same colour; a blue frock covered with + braiding, and decorated with several crosses and ribbons; tight pantaloons + and Hessian boots, with long brass spurs. He held a large gold-headed cane + in his hand, and looked about with an expression of very equivocal + drollery, mingled with fear. + </p> + <p> + "May I ask, sir," said I, as this individual closed the door behind him, + "may I ask the reason for this intrusion?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, upon my conscience, I'll do—I'm sure to pass muster now," said + the well-known voice of Mr. O'Leary, whose pleasant features began to + dilate amid the forest of red hair he was disguised in. "But I see you are + engaged," said he, with a sly look at Miss Bingham, whom he had not yet + recognised; "so I must contrive to hide myself elsewhere, I suppose." + </p> + <p> + "It is Miss Bingham," said I, "who has been kind enough to come here with + her maid, to bring me some flowers. Pray present my respectful compliments + to Mrs. Bingham, and say how deeply I feel her most kind attention." + </p> + <p> + Emily rose at the instant, and recovering her self-possession at once, + said— + </p> + <p> + "You forget, Mr. Lorrequer, it is a secret from whom the flowers came; at + least mamma hoped to place them in your vases without you knowing. So, + pray, don't speak of it—and I'm sure Mr. O'Leary will not tell." + </p> + <p> + If Mr. O'Leary heard one word of this artful speech, I know not, but he + certainly paid no attention to it, nor the speaker, who left the room + without his appearing aware of it. + </p> + <p> + "Now that she is gone—for which heaven be praised," said I to + myself; "let me see what this fellow can mean." + </p> + <p> + As I turned from the door, I could scarcely avoid laughing aloud at the + figure before me. He stood opposite a large mirror, his hat on one side of + his head, one arm in his breast, and the other extended, leaning upon his + stick; a look of as much ferocity as such features could accomplish had + been assumed, and his whole attitude was a kind of caricature of a + melo-dramatic hero in a German drama. + </p> + <p> + "Why, O'Leary, what is all this?" + </p> + <p> + "Hush, hush," said he, in a terrified whisper—"never mention that + name again, till we are over the frontier." + </p> + <p> + "But, man, explain—what do you mean?" + </p> + <p> + "Can't you guess," said he drily. + </p> + <p> + "Impossible; unless the affair at the saloon has induced you to take this + disguise, I cannot conceive the reason." + </p> + <p> + "Nothing farther from it, my dear friend; much worse than that." + </p> + <p> + "Out with it, then, at once." + </p> + <p> + "She's come—she's here—in this very house—No. 29, above + the entre sol." + </p> + <p> + "Who is here, in No. 29, above the entre sol?" + </p> + <p> + "Who, but Mrs. O'Leary herself. I was near saying bad luck to her." + </p> + <p> + "And does she know you are here?" + </p> + <p> + "That is what I can't exactly say," said he, "but she has had the Livre + des Voyageurs brought up to her room, and has been making rather + unpleasant inquiries for the proprietor of certain hieroglyphics beginning + with O, which have given me great alarm—the more, as all the waiters + have been sent for in turn, and subjected to long examination by her. So I + have lost no time, but, under the auspices of your friend Trevanion, have + become the fascinating figure you find me, and am now Compte O'Lieuki, a + Pole of noble family, banished by the Russian government, with a father in + Siberia, and all that; and I hope, by the end of the week, to be able to + cheat at ecarte, and deceive the very police itself." + </p> + <p> + The idea of O'Leary's assuming such a metamorphosis was too absurd not to + throw me into a hearty fit of laughing, in which the worthy emigre + indulged also. + </p> + <p> + "But why not leave this at once," said I, "if you are so much in dread of + a recognition?" + </p> + <p> + "You forget the trial," added O'Leary, "I must be here on the 18th or all + my bail is forfeited." + </p> + <p> + "True—I had forgot that. Well, now, your plans?"— + </p> + <p> + "Simply to keep very quiet here till the affair of the tribunal is over, + and then quit France at once. Meanwhile, Trevanion thinks that we may, by + a bold stratagem, send Mrs. O'Leary off on a wrong scent, and has + requested Mrs. Bingham to contrive to make her acquaintance, and ask her + to tea in her room, when she will see me, en Polonais, at a distance, you + know—hear something of my melancholy destiny from Trevanion—and + leave the hotel quite sure she has no claim on me. Meanwhile, some others + of the party are to mention incidentally having met Mr. O'Leary somewhere, + or heard of his decease, or any pleasant little incident that may occur to + them." + </p> + <p> + "The plan is excellent," said I, "for in all probability she may never + come in your way again, if sent off on a good errand this time." + </p> + <p> + "That's what I'm thinking," said O'Leary; "and I am greatly disposed to + let her hear that I'm with Belzoni in Egypt, with an engagement to spend + the Christmas with the Dey of Algiers. That would give her a very pretty + tour for the remainder of the year, and show her the pyramids. But, tell + me fairly, am I a good Pole?" + </p> + <p> + "Rather short," said I, "and a little too fat, perhaps." + </p> + <p> + "That comes from the dash of Tartar blood, nothing more; and my mother was + a Fin," said he, "she'll never ask whether from Carlow or the Caucasus. + How I revel in the thought, that I may smoke in company without a breach + of the unities. But I must go: there is a gentleman with a quinsey in No. + 9, that gives me a lesson in Polish this morning. So good-by, and don't + forget to be well enough to-night, for you must be present at my debut." + </p> + <p> + O'Leary had scarcely gone, when my thoughts reverted to Emily Bingham. I + was not such a coxcomb as to fancy her in love with me; yet certainly + there was something in the affair which looked not unlike it; and though, + by such a circumstance, every embarrassment which pressed upon me had + become infinitely greater, I could not dissemble from myself a sense of + pleasure at the thought. She was really a very pretty girl, and improved + vastly upon acquaintance. "Le absens ont toujours torts" is the truest + proverb in any language, and I felt it in its fullest force when Trevanion + entered my room. + </p> + <p> + "Well, Lorrequer," said he, "your time is certainly not likely to hang + heavily on your hands in Paris, if occupation will prevent it, for I find + you are just now booked for a new scrape." + </p> + <p> + "What can you mean?" said I, starting up. + </p> + <p> + "Why, O'Leary, who has been since your illness, the constant visiter at + the Binghams—dining there every day, and spending his evenings—has + just told me that the mamma is only waiting for the arrival of Sir Guy + Lorrequer in Paris to open the trenches in all form; and from what she has + heard of Sir Guy, she deems it most likely he will give her every aid and + support to making you the husband of the fair Emily." + </p> + <p> + "And with good reason, too," said I; "for if my uncle were only given to + understand that I had once gone far in my attentions, nothing would induce + him to break off the match. He was crossed in love himself when young, and + has made a score of people miserable since, in the benevolent idea of + marrying them against every obstacle." + </p> + <p> + "How very smart you have become," said Trevanion, taking a look round my + room, and surveying in turn each of the new occupants. "You must certainly + reckon upon seeing your fair friend here, or all this propriete is sadly + wasted." + </p> + <p> + This was the time to explain all about Miss Bingham's visit; and I did so, + of course omitting any details which might seem to me needless, or + involving myself in inconsistency. + </p> + <p> + Trevanion listened patiently to the end—was silent for some moments—then + added— + </p> + <p> + "And you never saw the letter?" + </p> + <p> + "Of course not. It was burned before my eyes." + </p> + <p> + "I think the affair looks very serious, Lorrequer. You may have won this + girl's affections. It matters little whether the mamma be a hacknied + match-maker, or the cousin a bullying duellist. If the girl have a heart, + and that you have gained it"— + </p> + <p> + "Then I must marry, you would say." + </p> + <p> + "Exactly so—without the prompting of your worthy uncle, I see no + other course open to you without dishonour. My advice, therefore, is, + ascertain—and that speedily—how far your attentions have been + attended with the success you dread—and then decide at once. Are you + able to get as far as Mrs. Bingham's room this morning? If so, come along. + I shall take all the frais of la chere mamma off your hands, while you + talk to the daughter; and half-an-hour's courage and resolution will do it + all." + </p> + <p> + Having made the most effective toilet my means would permit, my right arm + in a sling, and my step trembling from weakness, I sallied forth with + Trevanion to make love with as many fears for the result as the most + bashful admirer ever experienced, when pressing his suit upon some haughty + belle—but for a far different reason. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch37" id="ch37"></a>CHAPTER XXXVII. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + THE PROPOSAL. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + On reaching Mrs. Bingham's apartments, we found that she had just left + home to wait upon Mrs. O'Leary, and consequently, that Miss Bingham was + alone. Trevanion, therefore, having wished me a safe deliverance through + my trying mission, shook my hand warmly, and departed. + </p> + <p> + I stood for some minutes irresolutely, with my hand upon the lock of the + door. To think that the next few moments may decide the fortune of one's + after life, is a sufficiently anxious thought; but that your fate may be + so decided, by compelling you to finish in sorrow what you have begun in + folly, is still more insupportable. Such, then, was my condition. I had + resolved within myself, if the result of this meeting should prove that I + had won Miss Bingham's affections, to propose for her at once in all form, + and make her my wife. If, on the other hand, I only found that she too had + amused herself with a little passing flirtation, why then, I was a free + man once more: but, on catechising myself a little closer, also, one + somewhat disposed to make love de novo. + </p> + <p> + With the speed of lightning, my mind ran over every passage of our + acquaintance—our first meeting—our solitary walks—our + daily, hourly associations—our travelling intimacy—the + adventure at Chantraine.— There was, it is true, nothing in all this + which could establish the fact of wooing, but every thing which should + convince an old offender like myself that the young lady was "en prise," + and that I myself—despite my really strong attachment elsewhere—was + not entirely scathless. + </p> + <p> + "Yes," said I, half aloud, as I once more reviewed the past, "it is but + another chapter in my history in keeping with all the rest—one step + has ever led me to a second, and so on to a third; what with other men + have passed for mere trifles, have ever with me become serious + difficulties, and the false enthusiasm with which I ever follow any object + in life, blinds me for the time, and mistaking zeal for inclination, I + never feel how little my heart is interested in success, till the fever of + pursuit is over." + </p> + <p> + These were pleasant thoughts for one about to throw himself at a pretty + girl's feet, and pour out his "soul of love before her;" but that with me + was the least part of it. Curran, they say, usually picked up his facts in + a case from the opposite counsel's statements; I always relied for my + conduct in carrying on any thing, to the chance circumstances of the + moment, and trusted to my animal spirits to give me an interest in + whatever for the time being engaged me. + </p> + <p> + I opened the door. Miss Bingham was sitting at a table, her head leaning + upon her hands—some open letters which lay before her, evidently so + occupying her attention, that my approach was unheard. On my addressing + her, she turned round suddenly, and became at first deep scarlet, then + pale as death: while, turning to the table, she hurriedly threw her + letters into a drawer, and motioned me to a place beside her. + </p> + <p> + After the first brief and common-place inquiry for my health, and hopes + for my speedy recovery, she became silent; and I too, primed with topics + innumerable to discuss—knowing how short my time might prove before + Mrs. Bingham's return—could not say a word. + </p> + <p> + "I hope, Mr. Lorrequer," said she, at length, "that you have incurred no + risque by leaving your room so early." + </p> + <p> + "I have not," I replied, "but, even were there a certainty of it, the + anxiety I laboured under to see and speak with you alone, would have + overcome all fears on this account. Since this unfortunate business has + confined me to my chamber, I have done nothing but think over + circumstances which have at length so entirely taken possession of me, + that I must, at any sacrifice, have sought an opportunity to explain to + you"—here Emily looked down, and I continued—"I need scarcely + say what my feelings must long since have betrayed, that to have enjoyed + the daily happiness of living in your society, of estimating your worth, + of feeling your fascinations, were not the means most in request for him, + who knew, too well, how little he deserved, either by fortune or desert, + to hope, to hope to make you his; and yet, how little has prudence or + caution to do with situations like this." She did not guess the animus of + this speech. "I felt all I have described; and yet, and yet, I lingered + on, prizing too dearly the happiness of the present hour, to risque it by + any avowal of sentiments, which might have banished me from your presence + for ever. If the alteration of these hopes and fears have proved too + strong for my reason at last, I cannot help it; and this it is which now + leads me to make this avowal to you." Emily turned her head away from me; + but her agitated manner showed how deeply my words had affected her; and I + too, now that I had finished, felt that I had been "coming it rather + strong." + </p> + <p> + "I hoped, Mr. Lorrequer," said she, at length, "I hoped, I confess, to + have had an opportunity of speaking with you." Then, thought I, the game + is over, and Bishop Luscombe is richer by five pounds, than I wish him.— + "Something, I know not what, in your manner, led me to suspect that your + affections might lean towards me; hints you have dropped, and, now and + then, your chance allusions strengthened the belief, and I determined, at + length, that no feeling of maidenly shame on my part should endanger the + happiness of either of us, and I determined to see you; this was so + difficult, that I wrote a letter, and that letter, which might have saved + me all distressing explanation, I burned before you this morning." + </p> + <p> + "But, why, dearest girl,"—here was a plunge—"why, if the + letter could remove any misconstruction, or could be the means of + dispelling any doubt—why not let me see it?" + </p> + <p> + "Hear me out," cried she, eagerly, and evidently not heeding my + interruption, "I determined if your affections were indeed"—a flood + of tears here broke forth, and drowned her words; her head sank between + her hands, and she sobbed bitterly. + </p> + <p> + "Corpo di Baccho!" said I to myself, "It is all over with me; the poor + girl is evidently jealous, and her heart will break." + </p> + <p> + "Dearest, dearest Emily," said I, passing my arm round her, and + approaching my head close to her's, "if you think that any other love than + yours could ever beat within this heart—that I could see you hourly + before me—live beneath your smile, and gaze upon your beauty—and, + still more than all—pardon the boldness of the thought—feel + that I was not indifferent to you."— + </p> + <p> + "Oh! spare me this at least," said she, turning round her tearful eyes + upon me, and looking most bewitchingly beautiful. "Have I then showed you + this plainly?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, dearest girl! That instinct which tells us we are loved has spoken + within me. And here in this beating heart"— + </p> + <p> + "Oh! say not more," said she, "if I have, indeed, gained your affections"— + </p> + <p> + "If—if you have," said I, clasping her to my heart, while she + continued to sob still violently, and I felt half disposed to blow my + brains out for my success. However, there is something in love-making as + in fox-hunting, which carries you along in spite of yourself; and I + continued to pour forth whole rhapsodies of love that the Pastor Fido + could not equal. + </p> + <p> + "Enough," said she, "it is enough that you love me and that I have + encouraged your so doing. But oh! tell me once more, and think how much of + future happiness may rest upon your answer—tell me, may not this be + some passing attachment, which circumstances have created, and others may + dispel? Say, might not absence, time, or another more worthy"— + </p> + <p> + This was certainly a very rigid cross-examination when I thought the trial + was over; and not being exactly prepared for it, I felt no other mode of + reply than pressing her taper fingers alternately to my lips, and + muttering something that might pass for a declaration of love unalterable, + but, to my own ears, resembled a lament on my folly. + </p> + <p> + "She is mine now," thought I, "so we must e'en make the best of it; and + truly she is a very handsome girl, though not a Lady Jane Callonby. The + next step is the mamma; but I do not anticipate much difficulty in that + quarter." + </p> + <p> + "Leave me now," said she, in a low and broken voice; "but promise not to + speak of this meeting to any one before we meet again. I have my reasons; + believe me they are sufficient ones, so promise me this before we part." + </p> + <p> + Having readily given the pledge required, I again kissed her hand and bade + farewell, not a little puzzled the whole time at perceiving that ever + since my declaration and acceptance Emily seemed any thing but happy, and + evidently struggling against some secret feeling of which I knew nothing. + "Yes," thought I, as I wended my way along the corridor, "the poor girl is + tremendously jealous, and I must have said may a thing during our intimacy + to hurt her. However, that is all past and gone; and now comes a new + character for me: my next appearance wil be 'en bon mari.'" + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch38" id="ch38"></a>CHAPTER XXXVIII. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + THOUGHTS UPON MATRIMONY IN GENERAL, AND IN THE ARMY IN PARTICULAR —THE + KNIGHT OF KERRY AND BILLY M'CABE. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + "So," thought I, as I closed the door of my room behind me, "I am accepted—the + die is cast which makes me a Benedict: yet heaven knows that never was a + man less disposed to be over joyous at his good fortune!" What a happy + invention it were, if when adopting any road in life, we could only manage + to forget that we had ever contemplated any other! It is the eternal + looking back in this world that forms the staple of all our misery; and we + are but ill-requited for such unhappiness by the brightest anticipations + we can conjure up for the future. How much of all that "past" was now to + become a source of painful recollection, and to how little of the future + could I look forward with even hope! + </p> + <p> + Our weaknesses are much more constantly the spring of all our annoyances + and troubles than even our vices. The one we have in some sort of + subjection: we are perfectly slaves to the others. This thought came home + most forcibly to my bosom, as I reflected upon the step which led me on + imperceptibly to my present embarrassment. "Well, c'est fini, now," said + I, drawing upon that bountiful source of consolation ever open to the man + who mars his fortune—that "what is past can't be amended;" which + piece of philosophy, as well as its twin brother, that "all will be the + same a hundred years hence," have been golden rules to me from my + childhood. + </p> + <p> + The transition from one mode of life to another perfectly different has + ever seemed to me a great trial of a man's moral courage; besides that the + fact of quitting for ever any thing, no matter how insignificant or + valueless, is always attended with painful misgivings. My bachelor life + had its share of annoyances and disappointments, it is true; but, upon the + whole it was a most happy one—and now I was about to surrender it + for ever, not yielding to the impulse of affection and love for one + without whom life were valueless to me, but merely a recompense for the + indulgence of that fatal habit I had contracted of pursuing with eagerness + every shadow that crossed my path. All my early friends—all my + vagrant fancies—all my daydreams of the future I was now to + surrender—for, what becomes of any man's bachelor friends when he is + once married? Where are his rambles in high and bye-ways when he has a + wife? and what is left for anticipation after his wedding except, perhaps, + to speculate upon the arrangement of his funeral? To a military man more + than to any other these are serious thoughts. All the fascinations of an + army life, in war or peace, lie in the daily, hourly associations with + your brother officers—the morning cigar, the barrack-square lounge—the + afternoon ride—the game of billiards before dinner—the mess + (that perfection of dinner society)—the plans for the evening—the + deviled kidney at twelve—forming so many points of departure whence + you sail out upon your daily voyage through life. Versus those you have + that awful perversion of all that is natural—an officer's wife. She + has been a beauty when young, had black eyes and high complexion, a good + figure, rather inclined to embonpoint, and a certain springiness in her + walk, and a jauntiness in her air, that are ever sure attractions to a sub + in a marching regiment. She can play backgammon, and sing "di tanti + palpiti," and, if an Irishwoman, is certain to be able to ride a + steeple-chase, and has an uncle a lord, who (en parenthese) always turns + out to be a creation made by King James after his abdication. In + conclusion, she breakfasts en papillote—wears her shoes down at heel—calls + every officer of the regiment by his name—has a great taste for + increasing his majesty's lieges, and delights in London porter. To this + genus of Frow I have never ceased to entertain the most thrilling + abhorrence; and yet how often have I seen what appeared to be pretty and + interesting girls fall into something of this sort! and how often have I + vowed any fate to myself rather than become the husband of a + baggage-waggon wife! + </p> + <p> + Had all my most sanguine hopes promised realizing—had my suit with + Lady Jane been favourable, I could scarcely have bid adieu to my bachelor + life without a sigh. No prospect of future happiness can ever perfectly + exclude all regret at quitting our present state for ever. I am sure if I + had been a caterpillar, it would have been with a heavy heart that I would + have donned my wings as a butterfly. Now the metamorphosis was reversed: + need it be wondered if I were sad? + </p> + <p> + So completely was I absorbed in my thoughts upon this matter, that I had + not perceived the entrance of O'Leary and Trevanion, who, unaware of my + being in the apartment, as I was stretched upon a sofa in a dark corner, + drew their chairs towards the fire and began chatting. + </p> + <p> + "Do you know, Mr. Trevanion," said O'Leary, "I am half afraid of this + disguise of mine. I sometimes think I am not like a Pole; and if she + should discover me"— + </p> + <p> + "No fear of that in the world; your costume is perfect, your beard + unexceptionable. I could, perhaps, have desired a little less paunch; but + then"— + </p> + <p> + "That comes of fretting, as Falstaff says; and you must not forget that I + am banished from my country." + </p> + <p> + "Now, as to your conversation, I should advise you saying very little—not + one word in English. You may, if you like, call in the assistance of Irish + when hard pressed? + </p> + <p> + "I have my fears on that score. There is no knowing where that might lead + to discovery. You know the story of the Knight of Kerry and Billy McCabe?" + </p> + <p> + "I fear I must confess my ignorance—I have never heard of it." + </p> + <p> + "Then may be you never knew Giles Daxon?" + </p> + <p> + "I have not had that pleasure either." + </p> + <p> + "Lord bless me, how strange that is! I thought he was better known than + the Duke of Wellington or the travelling piper. Well, I must tell you the + story, for it has a moral, too—indeed several morals; but you'll + find that out for yourself. Well, it seems that one day the Knight of + Kerry was walking along the Strand in London, killing an hour's time, till + the house was done prayers, and Hume tired of hearing himself speaking; + his eye was caught by an enormous picture displayed upon the wall of a + house, representing a human figure covered with long dark hair, with huge + nails upon his hands, and a most fearful expression of face. At first the + Knight thought it was Dr. Bowring; but on coming nearer he heard a man + with a scarlet livery and a cocked hat, call out, 'Walk in, ladies and + gentlemen—the most vonderful curiosity ever exhibited—only one + shilling—the vild man from Chippoowango, in Africay—eats raw + wittles without being cooked, and many other surprising and pleasing + performances.' + </p> + <p> + "The knight paid his money, and was admitted. At first the crowd prevented + his seeing any thing—for the place was full to suffocation, and the + noise awful—for, besides the exclamations and applause of the + audience, there were three barrel-organs, playing 'Home, sweet Home!' and + 'Cherry Ripe,' and the wild man himself contributed his share to the + uproar. At last, the Knight obtained, by dint of squeezing, and some + pushing a place in the front, when, to his very great horror, he beheld a + figure that far eclipsed the portrait without doors. + </p> + <p> + "It was a man nearly naked, covered with long, shaggy hair, that grew even + over his nose and cheek bones. He sprang about, sometimes on his feet, + sometimes, all-fours, but always uttering the most fearful yells, and + glaring upon the crowd, in a manner that was really dangerous. The Knight + did not feel exactly happy at the whole proceeding, and began heartily to + wish himself back in the 'House,' even upon a committee of privileges, + when, suddenly, the savage gave a more frantic scream than before, and + seized upon a morsel of raw beef, which a keeper extended to him upon a + long fork, like a tandem whip—he was not safe, it appears, at close + quarters;—this he tore to pieces eagerly and devoured in the most + voracious manner, amid great clapping of hands, and other evidences of + satisfaction from the audience. I'll go, now, thought the Knight: for, God + knows whether, in his hungry moods, he might not fancy to conclude his + dinner by a member of parliament. Just at this instant, some sounds struck + upon his ear that surprised him not a little. He listened more + attentively; and, conceive if you can, his amazement, to find that, amid + his most fearful cries, and wild yells, the savage was talking Irish. + Laugh, if you like; but it's truth I am telling you; nothing less than + Irish. There he was, jumping four feet high in the air, eating his raw + meat: pulling out his hair by handfuls; and, amid all this, cursing the + whole company to his heart's content, in as good Irish as ever was heard + in Tralee. Now, though the Knight had heard of red Jews and white Negroes, + he had never happened to read any account of an African Irishman; so, he + listened very closely, and by degrees, not only the words were known to + him, but the very voice was familiar. At length, something he heard, left + no further doubt upon his mind, and, turning to the savage, he addressed + him in Irish, at the same time fixing a look of most scrutinizing import + upon him. + </p> + <p> + "'Who are you, you scoundrel' said the Knight. + </p> + <p> + "'Billy M'Cabe your honour.' + </p> + <p> + "'And what do you mean by playing off these tricks here, instead of + earning your bread like an honest man?' + </p> + <p> + "'Whisht,' said Billy, 'and keep the secret. I'm earning the rent for your + honour. One must do many a queer thing that pays two pound ten an acre for + bad land.' + </p> + <p> + "This was enough: the Knight wished Billy every success, and left him amid + the vociferous applause of a well satisfied audience. This adventure, it + seems, has made the worthy Knight a great friend to the introduction of + poor laws; for, he remarks very truly, 'more of Billy's countrymen might + take a fancy to a savage life, if the secret was found out.'" + </p> + <p> + It was impossible for me to preserve my incognito, as Mr. O'Leary + concluded his story, and I was obliged to join in the mirth of Trevanion, + who laughed loud and long as he finished it. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch39" id="ch39"></a>CHAPTER XXXIX. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + A REMINISCENCE. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + <a name="Harry_Proves_Himself_a_Man_of_Metal" + id="Harry_Proves_Himself_a_Man_of_Metal">Harry Proves Himself a Man of + Metal</a> + </h3> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%;"> + <img alt="Ch 39 Harry Proves a Man of Metal.jpg (74K)" + src="images/Ch%2039%20Harry%20Proves%20a%20Man%20of%20Metal.jpg" + width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <a href="images2/Ch%2039%20Harry%20Proves%20a%20Man%20of%20Metal.jpg">BLACK + AND WHITE IMAGE</a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + O'Leary and Trevanion had scarcely left the room when the waiter entered + with two letters—the one bore a German post-mark, and was in the + well-known hand of Lady Callonby—the other in a writing with which I + was no less familiar—that of Emily Bingham. + </p> + <p> + Let any one who has been patient enough to follow me through these + "Confessions," conceive my agitation at this moment. There lay my fate + before me, coupled, in all likelihood, with a view of what it might have + been under happier auspices—at least so in anticipation did I read + the two unopened epistles. My late interview with Miss Bingham left no + doubt upon my mind that I had secured her affections; and acting in + accordance with the counsel of Trevanion, no less than of my own sense of + right, I resolved upon marrying her, with what prospect of happiness I + dared not to think of! + </p> + <p> + Alas! and alas! there is no infatuation like the taste for flirtation—mere + empty, valueless, heartless flirtation. You hide the dice-box and the + billiard queue, lest your son become a gambler—you put aside the + racing calendar, lest he imbibe a jockey predilection—but you never + tremble at his fondness for white muslin and a satin slipper, far more + dangerous tastes though they be, and infinitely more perilous to a man's + peace and prosperity than all the "queens of trumps" that ever figured, + whether on pasteboard or the Doncaster. "Woman's my weakness, yer honor," + said an honest Patlander, on being charged before the lord mayor with + having four wives living; and without having any such "Algerine act" upon + my conscience, I must, I fear, enter a somewhat similar plea for my + downfallings, and avow in humble gratitude, that I have scarcely had a + misfortune through life unattributable to them in one way or another. And + this I say without any reference to country, class, or complexion, "black, + brown or fair," from my first step forth into life, a raw sub. in the + gallant 4_th, to this same hour, I have no other avowal, no other + confession to make. "Be always ready with the pistol," was the dying + advice of an Irish statesman to his sons: mine, in a similar circumstance, + would rather be "Gardez vous des femmes," and more especially if they be + Irish. + </p> + <p> + There is something almost treacherous in the facility with which an Irish + girl receives your early attentions and appears to like them, that + invariably turns a young fellow's head very long before he has any + prospect of touching her heart. She thinks it so natural to be made love + to, that there is neither any affected coyness nor any agitated surprise. + She listens to your declaration of love as quietly as the chief justice + would to one of law, and refers the decision to a packed jury of her + relatives, who rarely recommend you to mercy. Love and fighting, too, are + so intimately united in Ireland, that a courtship rarely progresses + without at least one exchange of shots between some of the parties + concerned. My first twenty-four hours in Dublin is so pleasantly + characteristic of this that I may as well relate it here, while the + subject is before us; besides, as these "Confessions" are intended as + warnings and guides to youth, I may convey a useful lesson, showing why a + man should not "make love in the dark." + </p> + <p> + It was upon a raw, cold, drizzling morning in February, 18__, that our + regiment landed on the North-wall from Liverpool, whence we had been + hurriedly ordered to repress some riots and disturbances then agitating + Dublin. + </p> + <p> + We marched to the Royal Barracks, our band playing Patrick's Day, to the + very considerable admiration of as naked a population as ever loved music. + The __th dragoons were at the same time quartered there—right + pleasant jovial fellows, who soon gave us to understand that the troubles + were over before we arrived, and that the great city authorities were now + returning thanks for their preservation from fire and sword, by a series + of entertainments of the most costly, but somewhat incongruous kind—the + company being scarce less melee than the dishes. Peers and playactors, + judges and jailors, archbishops, tailors, attorneys, ropemakers and + apothecaries, all uniting in the festive delight of good feeding, and + drinking the "glorious memory"—but of whom half the company knew + not, only surmising "it was something agin the papists." You may smile, + but these were pleasant times, and I scarcely care to go back there since + they were changed. But to return. The __th had just received an invitation + to a ball, to be given by the high sheriff, and to which they most + considerately said we should also be invited. This negociation was so well + managed that before noon we all received our cards from a green liveried + youth, mounted on a very emaciated pony—the whole turn-out not + auguring flatteringly of the high sheriff's taste in equipage. + </p> + <p> + We dined with the __th, and, as customary before going to an evening + party, took the "other bottle" of claret that lies beyond the frontier of + prudence. In fact, from the lieutenant-colonel down to the newly-joined + ensign, there was not a face in the party that did not betray "signs of + the times" that boded most favourably for the mirth of the sheriff's ball. + We were so perfectly up to the mark, that our major, a Connemara man, + said, as we left the mess-room, "a liqueure glass would spoil us." + </p> + <p> + In this acme of our intellectual wealth, we started about eleven o'clock + upon every species of conveyance that chance could press into the service. + Of hackney coaches there were few—but in jingles, noddies, and + jaunting-cars, with three on a side and "one in the well," we mustered + strong—Down Barrack-street we galloped, the mob cheering us, we + laughing, and I'm afraid shouting a little, too—the watchmen + springing their rattles, as if instinctively at noise, and the whole + population up and awake, evidently entertaining a high opinion of our + convivial qualities. Our voices became gradually more decorous, however, + as we approached the more civilized quarter of the town; and with only the + slight stoppage of the procession to pick up an occasional dropper-off, as + he lapsed from the seat of a jaunting-car, we arrived at length at our + host's residence, somewhere in Sackville-street. + </p> + <p> + Had our advent conferred the order of knighthood upon the host, he could + not have received us with more "empressement." He shook us all in turn by + the hand, to the number of eight and thirty, and then presented us + seriatim to his spouse, a very bejewelled lady of some forty years—who, + what between bugles, feathers, and her turban, looked excessively like a + Chinese pagoda upon a saucer. The rooms were crowded to suffocation—the + noise awful—and the company crushing and elbowing rather a little + more than you expect where the moiety are of the softer sex. However, "on + s'habitue a tout," sayeth the proverb, and with truth, for we all so + perfectly fell in with the habits of the place, that ere half an hour, we + squeezed, ogled, leered, and drank champagne like the rest of the + corporation. + </p> + <p> + "Devilish hot work, this," said the colonel, as he passed me with two + rosy-cheeked, smiling ladies on either arm; "the mayor—that little + fellow in the punch-coloured shorts—has very nearly put me hors de + combat with champagne; take care of him, I advise you." + </p> + <p> + Tipsy as I felt myself, I was yet sufficiently clear to be fully alive to + the drollery of the scene before me. Flirtations that, under other + circumstances, would demand the secrecy and solitude of a country green + lane, or some garden bower, were here conducted in all the open effrontery + of wax lights and lustres; looks were interchanged, hands were squeezed, + and soft things whispered, and smiles returned; till the intoxication of + "punch negus" and spiced port, gave way to the far greater one of bright + looks and tender glances. Quadrilles and country dances—waltzing + there was none, (perhaps all for the best)—whist, backgammon, loo—unlimited + for uproar—sandwiches, and warm liquors, employed us pretty briskly + till supper was announced, when a grand squeeze took place on the stairs—the + population tending thitherward with an eagerness that a previous + starvation of twenty-four hours could alone justify. Among this dense mass + of moving muslin, velvet and broad-cloth, I found myself chaperoning an + extremely tempting little damsel, with a pair of laughing blue eyes and + dark eyelashes, who had been committed to my care and guidance for the + passage. + </p> + <p> + "Miss Moriarty, Mr. Lorrequer," said an old lady in green and spangles, + who I afterwards found was the lady mayoress. + </p> + <p> + "The nicest girl in the room," said a gentleman with a Tipperary accent, + "and has a mighty nice place near Athlone." + </p> + <p> + The hint was not lost upon me, and I speedily began to faire l'amiable to + my charge; and before we reached the supper room, learned certain + particulars of her history, which I have not yet forgot. She was, it + seems, sister to a lady then in the room, the wife of an attorney, who + rejoiced in the pleasing and classical appellation of Mr. Mark Anthony + Fitzpatrick; the aforesaid Mark Anthony being a tall, raw-boned, + black-whiskered, ill-looking dog, that from time to time contrived to + throw very uncomfortable looking glances at me and Mary Anne, for she was + so named, the whole time of supper. After a few minutes, however, I + totally forgot him, and, indeed, every thing else, in the fascination of + my fair companion. She shared her chair with me, upon which I supported + her by my arm passed round the back; we eat our pickled salmon, jelly, + blanc mange, cold chicken, ham, and custard; off the same plate, with an + occasional squeeze of the finger, as our hands met—her eyes making + sad havoc with me all the while, as I poured my tale of love—love, + lasting, burning, all-consuming—into her not unwilling ear. + </p> + <p> + "Ah! now, ye'r not in earnest?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Mary Anne, by all that's"— + </p> + <p> + "Well, there now, don't swear, and take care—sure Mark Anthony is + looking." + </p> + <p> + "Mark Anthony be—" + </p> + <p> + "Oh! how passionate you are; I'm sure I never could live easy with you. + There, now, give me some sponge cake, and don't be squeezing me, or + they'll see you." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, to my heart, dearest girl." + </p> + <p> + "Och, it's cheese you're giving me," said she, with a grimace that nearly + cured my passion. + </p> + <p> + "A cottage, a hut, with you—with you," said I, in a cadence that I + defy Macready to rival—"what is worldly splendour, or the empty + glitter of rank." + </p> + <p> + I here glanced at my epaulettes, upon which I saw her eyes rivetted. + </p> + <p> + "Isn't the ginger beer beautiful," said she, emptying a glass of + champagne. + </p> + <p> + Still I was not to be roused from my trance, and continued my courtship as + warmly as ever. + </p> + <p> + "I suppose you'll come home now," said a gruff voice behind Mary Anne. + </p> + <p> + I turned and perceived Mark Anthony with a grim look of peculiar import. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, Mark dear, I'm engaged to dance another set with this gentleman." + </p> + <p> + "Ye are, are ye?" replied Mark, eyeing me askance. "Troth and I think the + gentleman would be better if he went off to his flea-bag himself." + </p> + <p> + In my then mystified intellect this west country synonyme for a bed a + little puzzled me. + </p> + <p> + "Yes sir, the lady is engaged to me: have you any thing to say to that?" + </p> + <p> + "Nothing at present, at all," said Mark, almost timidly. + </p> + <p> + "Oh dear, oh dear," sobbed Mary Anne; "they're going to fight, and he'll + be killed—I know he will." + </p> + <p> + For which of us this fate was destined, I stopped not to consider, but + amid a very sufficient patting upon the back, and thumping between the + shoulders, bestowed by members of the company who approved of my + proceedings. The three fiddles, the flute, and bassoon, that formed our + band, being by this time sufficiently drunk, played after a fashion of + their own, which by one of those strange sympathies of our nature, + imparted its influence to our legs, and a country dance was performed in a + style of free and easy gesticulation that defies description. At the end + of eighteen couple, tired of my exertions—and they were not slight—I + leaned my back against the wall of the room, which I now, for the first + time, perceived was covered with a very peculiar and novel species of + hanging—no less than a kind of rough, green baize cloth, that moved + and floated at every motion of the air. I paid little attention to this, + till suddenly turning my head, something gave way behind it. I felt myself + struck upon the back of the neck, and fell forward into the room, covered + by a perfect avalanche of fenders, fire-irons, frying-pans, and copper + kettles, mingled with the lesser artillery of small nails, door keys, and + holdfasts. There I lay amid the most vociferous mirth I ever listened to, + under the confounded torrent of ironmongery that half-stunned me. The + laughter over, I was assisted to rise, and having drank about a pint of + vinegar, and had my face and temples washed in strong whiskey punch—the + allocation of the fluids being mistaken, I learned that our host, the high + sheriff, was a celebrated tin and iron man, and that his salles de + reception were no other than his magazine of metals, and that to conceal + the well filled shelves from the gaze of his aristocratic guests, they + were clothed in the manner related; which my unhappy head, by some + misfortune, displaced, and thus brought on a calamity scarcely less + afflicting to him than to myself. I should scarcely have stopped to + mention this here, were it not that Mary Anne's gentle nursing of me in my + misery went far to complete what her fascination had begun; and although + she could not help laughing at the occurrence, I forgave her readily for + her kindness. + </p> + <p> + "Remember," said I, trying to ogle through a black eye, painted by the + angle of a register grate—"remember, Mary Anne, I am to see you + home." + </p> + <p> + "Oh! dear, sir, sure I don't know how you can manage it—" + </p> + <p> + Here Mark Anthony's entrance cut short this speech, for he came to declare + that some of the officers had taken his coach, and was, as might be + supposed, in a towering passion. + </p> + <p> + "If, sir," said I, with an air of the most balmy courtesy—"If I can + be of any use in assisting you to see your friends home—" + </p> + <p> + "Ah! then, ye'r a nice looking article to see ladies home. I wish you seen + yourself this minute," said he. + </p> + <p> + As I felt it would be no breach of the unities—time, place, and + every thing considered—to smash his skull, I should certainly have + proceeded to do so, had not a look of the most imploring kind from Mary + Anne restrained me. By this time, he had taken her under the arm, and was + leading her away. I stood irresolute, till a glance from my charmer caught + me; when I rallied at once, and followed them down stairs. Here the scene + was the full as amusing as above; the cloaking, shawling, shoeing, , of + the ladies being certainly as mirth-moving a process as I should wish to + see. Here were mothers trying to collect their daughters, as a hen her + chickens, and as in that case, the pursuit of one usually lost all the + others; testy papas swearing, lovers leering, as they twisted the boas + round the fair throats of their sweethearts; vows of love, mingling with + lamentations for a lost slipper, or a stray mantle. Sometimes the candles + were extinguished, and the melee became greater, till the order and light + were restored together. Meanwhile, each of our fellows had secured his + fair one, save myself, and I was exposed to no small ridicule for my want + of savoir faire. Nettled at this, I made a plunge to the corner of the + room, where Mary Anne was shawling; I recognized her pink sash, threw her + cloak over her shoulders, and at the very moment that Mark Anthony drew + his wife's arm within his, I performed the same by my friend, and followed + them to the door. Here, the grim brother-in-law turned round to take Mary + Anne's arm, and seeing her with me, merely gave a kind of hoarse chuckle, + and muttered, "Very well, sir: upon my conscience you will have it, I + see." During this brief interval, so occupied was I in watching him, that + I never once looked in my fair friend's face; but the gentle squeeze of + her arm, as she leaned upon me, assured me that I had her approval of what + I was doing. + </p> + <p> + What were the precise train of my thoughts, and what the subjects of + conversation between us, I am unfortunately now unable to recollect. It is + sufficient to remember, that I could not believe five minutes had elapsed, + when we arrived at York-street. "Then you confess you love me," said I, as + I squeezed her arm to my side. + </p> + <p> + "Then, by this kiss," said I, "I swear, never to relinquish."— + </p> + <p> + What I was about to add, I am sure I know not; but true it is, that a + certain smacking noise here attracted Mr. Mark Anthony's attention, who + started round, looked as full in the face, and then gravely added, "Enough + is as good as a feast. I wish you pleasant drames, Mr. Larry Kar, if + that's your name; and you'll hear from me in the morning." + </p> + <p> + "I intend it," said I. "Good night, dearest; think of—" The slam of + the street door in my face spoiled the peroration, and I turned towards + home. + </p> + <p> + By the time I reached the barracks, the united effects of the champagne, + sherry, and Sheffield iron, had, in a good measure subsided, and my head + had become sufficiently clear to permit a slight retrospect of the + evening's amusement. + </p> + <p> + From two illusions I was at least awakened:—First, the high + sheriff's ball was not the most accurate representation of high society; + secondly, I was not deeply enamoured of Mary Anne Moriarty. Strange as it + may seem, and how little soever the apparent connexion between those two + facts, the truth of one had a considerable influence in deciding the + other. N'importe, said I, the thing is over; it was rather good fun, too, + upon the whole—saving the "chute des casseroles;" and as to the + lady, she must have seen it was a joke as well as myself. At least, so I + am decided it shall be; and as there was no witness to our conversation, + the thing is easily got out of. + </p> + <p> + The following day, as I was dressing to ride out, my servant announced no + less a person than Mr. Mark Anthony Fitzpatrick, who said "that he came + upon a little business, and must see me immediately." + </p> + <p> + Mr. Fitzpatrick, upon being announced, speedily opened his negociation by + asking in very terse and unequivocal phrase, my intentions regarding his + sister-in-law. After professing the most perfect astonishment at the + question, and its possible import, I replied, that she was a most charming + person, with whom I intended to have nothing whatever to do. + </p> + <p> + "And maybe you never proposed for her at the ball last night?" + </p> + <p> + "Propose for a lady at a ball the first time I ever met her!" + </p> + <p> + "Just so. Can you carry your memory so far back? or, perhaps I had better + refresh it;" and he here repeated the whole substance of my conversation + on the way homeward, sometimes in the very words I used. + </p> + <p> + "But, my dear sir, the young lady could never have supposed I used such + language as this you have repeated?" + </p> + <p> + "So, then, you intend to break off? Well, then, it's right to tell you + that you're in a very ugly scrape, for it was my wife you took home last + night—not Miss Moriarty; and I leave you to choose at your leisure + whether you'd rather be defendant in a suit for breach of promise or + seduction; and, upon my conscience, I think it's civil in me to give you a + choice." + </p> + <p> + What a pretty disclosure was here! So that while I was imaging myself + squeezing the hand and winning the heart of the fair Mary Anne, I was + merely making a case of strong evidence for a jury, that might expose me + to the world, and half ruin me in damages. There was but one course open—to + make a fight for it; and, from what I saw of my friend Mark Anthony, this + did not seem difficult. + </p> + <p> + I accordingly assumed a high tone—laughed at the entire affair—said + it was a "way we had in the army"—that "we never meant any thing by + it," + </p> + <p> + In a few minutes I perceived the bait was taking. Mr. Fitzpatrick's west + country blood was up: all thought of the legal resource was abandoned; and + he flung out of the room to find a friend, I having given him the name of + "one of ours" as mine upon the occasion. + </p> + <p> + Very little time was lost, for before three o'clock that afternoon a + meeting was fixed for the following morning at the North Bull; and I had + the satisfaction of hearing that I only escaped the malignant eloquence of + Holmes in the King's Bench, to be "blazed" at by the best shot on the + western circuit. The thought was no way agreeable, and I indemnified + myself for the scrape by a very satisfactory anathema upon the high + sheriff and his ball, and his confounded saucepans; for to the lady's + sympathy for my sufferings I attributed much of my folly. + </p> + <p> + At eight the next morning I found myself standing with Curzon and the + doctor upon that bleak portion of her majesty's dominion they term the + North Bull, waiting in a chilly rain, and a raw fog, till it pleased Mark + Anthony Fitzpatrick, to come and shoot me—such being the precise + terms of our combat, in the opinion of all parties. + </p> + <p> + The time, however, passed on, and half-past eight, three quarters, and at + last nine o'clock, without his appearing; when, just as Curzon had + resolved upon our leaving the ground, a hack jaunting-car was seen driving + at full speed along the road near us. It came nearer and at length drew + up; two men leaped off and came towards us; one of whom, as he came + forward, took off his hat politely, and introduced himself as Mr. + O'Gorman, the fighting friend of Mark Anthony. + </p> + <p> + "It's a mighty unpleasant business I'm come upon, gentlemen," said he, + "Mr. Fitzpatrick has been unavoidedly prevented from having the happiness + to meet you this morning—" + </p> + <p> + "Then you can't expect us, sir, to dance attendance upon him here + to-morrow," said Curzon, interrupting. + </p> + <p> + "By no manner of means," replied the other, placidly; "for it would be + equally inconvenient for him to be here then. But I have only to say, + maybe you'd have the kindness to waive all etiquette, and let me stand in + his place." + </p> + <p> + "Certainly and decidedly not," said Curzon. "Waive etiquette!—why, + sir, we have no quarrel with you; never saw you before." + </p> + <p> + "Well, now, isn't this hard?" said Mr. O'Gorman, addressing his friend, + who stood by with a pistol-case under his arm; "but I told Mark that I was + sure they'd be standing upon punctilio, for they were English. Well, sir," + said he, turning towards Curzon, "there's but one way to arrange it now, + that I see. Mr. Fitzpatrick, you must know, was arrested this morning for + a trifle of L140. If you or your friend there, will join us in the bail we + can get him out, and he'll fight you in the morning to your satisfaction." + </p> + <p> + When the astonishment this proposal had created subsided, we assured Mr. + O'Gorman that we were noways disposed to pay such a price for our + amusement—a fact that seemed considerably to surprise both him and + his friend—and adding, that to Mr. Fitzpatrick personally, we should + feel bound to hold ourselves pledged at a future period, we left the + ground, Curzon laughing heartily at the original expedient thus suggested, + and I inwardly pronounced a most glowing eulogy on the law of imprisonment + for debt. + </p> + <p> + Before Mr. Fitzpatrick obtained the benefit of the act, we were ordered + abroad, and I have never since heard of him. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch40" id="ch40"></a>CHAPTER XL. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + THE TWO LETTERS. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + From the digression of the last chapter I was recalled by the sight of the + two letters which lay during my reverie unopened before me. I first broke + the seal of Lady Callonby's epistle, which ran thus: + </p> + <blockquote> + <blockquote> + <p> + "Munich, La Croix Blanche, + </p> + <p> + "My dear Mr. Lorrequer—I have just heard from Kilkee, that you + are at length about to pay us your long promised visit, and write + these few lines to beg that before leaving Paris you will kindly + execute for me the commissions of which I enclose a formidable list, + or at least as many of them as you can conveniently accomplish. Our + stay here now will be short, that it will require all your despatch to + overtake us before reaching Milan, Lady Jane's health requiring an + immediate change of climate. Our present plans are, to winter in + Italy, although such will interfere considerably with Lord Callonby, + who is pressed much by his friends to accept office. However, all this + and our other gossip I reserve for our meeting. Meanwhile, adieu, and + if any of my tasks bore you, omit them at once, except the white roses + and the Brussels veil, which Lady Jane is most anxious for. + </p> + <p> + "Sincerely yours,<br /> "Charlotte Callonby." + </p> + </blockquote> + </blockquote> + <p> + How much did these few and apparently common-place lines convey to me? + First, my visit was not only expected, but actually looked forward to, + canvassed—perhaps I might almost whisper to myself the flattery—wished + for. Again, Lady Jane's health was spoken of as precarious, less actual + illness—I said to myself—than mere delicacy requiring the + bluer sky and warmer airs of Italy. Perhaps her spirits were affected—some + mental malady—some ill-placed passion—que sais je? In fact my + brain run on so fast in its devisings, that by a quick process, less + logical than pleasing, I satisfied myself that the lovely Lady Jane + Callonby was actually in love, with whom let the reader guess at. And Lord + Callonby too, about to join the ministry—well, all the better to + have one's father-in-law in power—promotion is so cursed slow now + a-days. And lastly, the sly allusion to the commissions—the + mechancete of introducing her name to interest me. With such materials as + these to build upon, frail as they may seem to others, I found no + difficulty in regarding myself as the dear friend of the family, and the + acknowledged suitor of Lady Jane. + </p> + <p> + In the midst, however, of all my self-gratulation, my eye fell upon the + letter of Emily Bingham, and I suddenly remembered how fatal to all such + happy anticipations it might prove. I tore it open in passionate haste and + read— + </p> + <blockquote> + <blockquote> + <p> + "My dear Mr. Lorrequer—As from the interview we have had this + morning I am inclined to believe that I have gained your affections, I + think that I should ill requite such a state of your feeling for me, + were I to conceal that I cannot return you mine—in fact they are + not mine to bestow. This frank avowal, whatever pain it may have cost + me, I think I owe to you to make. You will perhaps say, the confession + should have been earlier; to which I reply, it should have been so, + had I known, or even guessed at the nature of your feelings for me. + For—and I write it in all truth, and perfect respect for you—I + only saw in your attentions the flirting habits of a man of the world, + with a very uninformed and ignorant girl of eighteen, with whom as it + was his amusement to travel, he deemed it worth his while to talk. I + now see, and bitterly regret my error, yet deem it better to make this + painful confession than suffer you to remain in a delusion which may + involve your happiness in the wreck of mine. I am most faithfully your + friend, + </p> + <p> + "Emily Bingham." + </p> + </blockquote> + </blockquote> + <p> + What a charming girl she is, I cried, as I finished the letter; how full + of true feeling, how honourably, how straight-forward: and yet it is + devilish strange how cunningly she played her part—and it seems now + that I never did touch her affections; Master Harry, I begin to fear you + are not altogether the awful lady-killer you have been thinking. Thus did + I meditate upon this singular note—my delight at being once more + "free" mingling with some chagrin that I was jockied, and by a young miss + of eighteen, too. Confoundedly disagreeable if the mess knew it, thought + I. Per Baccho—how they would quiz upon my difficulty to break off a + match, when the lady was only anxious to get rid of me. + </p> + <p> + This affair must never come to their ears, or I am ruined; and now, the + sooner all negociations are concluded the better. I must obtain a meeting + with Emily. Acknowledge the truth and justice of all her views, express my + deep regret at the issue of the affair, slily hint that I have been merely + playing her own game back upon her; for it would be the devil to let her + go off with the idea that she had singed me, yet never caught fire + herself; so that we both shall draw stakes, and part friends. + </p> + <p> + This valiant resolution taken, I wrote a very short note, begging an + interview, and proceeded to make as formidable a toilet as I could for the + forthcoming meeting; before I had concluded which, a verbal answer by her + maid informed me, that "Miss Bingham was alone, and ready to receive me." + </p> + <p> + As I took my way along the corridor, I could not help feeling that among + all my singular scrapes and embarassing situations through life, my + present mission was certainly not the least—the difficulty, such as + it was, being considerably increased by my own confounded "amour propre," + that would not leave me satisfied with obtaining my liberty, if I could + not insist upon coming off scathless also. In fact, I was not content to + evacuate the fortress, if I were not to march out with all the honours of + war. This feeling I neither attempt to palliate nor defend, I merely + chronicle it as, are too many of these confessions, a matter of truth, yet + not the less a subject for sorrow. + </p> + <p> + My hand was upon the lock of the door. I stopped, hesitated, and listened. + I certainly heard something. Yes, it is too true—she is sobbing. + What a total overthrow to all my selfish resolves, all my egotistical + plans, did that slight cadence give. She was crying—her tears for + the bitter pain she concluded I was suffering—mingling doubtless + with sorrow for her own sources of grief—for it was clear to me that + whoever may have been my favoured rival, the attachment was either unknown + to, or unsanctioned by the mother. I wished I had not listened; all my + determinations were completely routed and as I opened the door I felt my + heart beating almost audibly against my side. + </p> + <p> + In a subdued half-light—tempered through the rose-coloured curtains, + with a small sevres cup of newly-plucked moss-roses upon the table—sat, + or rather leaned, Emily Bingham, her face buried in her hands as I + entered. She did not hear my approach, so that I had above a minute to + admire the graceful character of her head, and the fine undulating curve + of her neck and shoulders, before I spoke. + </p> + <p> + "Miss Bingham," said I— + </p> + <p> + She started—looked up—her dark blue eyes, brilliant though + tearful, were fixed upon me for a second, as if searching my very inmost + thoughts. She held out her hand, and turning her head aside, made room for + me on the sofa beside her. Strange girl, thought I, that in the very + moment of breaking with a man for ever, puts on her most fascinating + toilette—arrays herself in her most bewitching manner, and gives him + a reception only calculated to turn his head, and render him ten times + more in love than ever. Her hand, which remained still in mine, was + burning as if in fever, and the convulsive movement of her neck and + shoulders showed me how much this meeting cost her. We were both silent, + till at length, feeling that any chance interruption might leave us as far + as ever from understanding each other, I resolved to begin. + </p> + <p> + "My dear, dear Emily," I said, "do not I entreat of you add to the misery + I am this moment enduring by letting me see you thus. Whatever your wrongs + towards me, this is far too heavy a retribution. My object was never to + make you wretched, if I am not to obtain the bliss, to strive and make you + happy." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, Harry"—this was the first time she had ever so called me—"how + like you, to think of me—of me, at such a time, as if I was not the + cause of all our present unhappiness—but not wilfully, not + intentionally. Oh, no, no—your attentions—the flattery of your + notice, took me at once, and, in the gratification of my self-esteem, I + forgot all else. I heard, too, that you were engaged to another, and + believing, as I did, that you were trifling with my affections, I spared + no effort to win your's. I confess it, I wished this with all my soul." + </p> + <p> + "And now," said I, "that you have gained them"—Here was a pretty + sequel to my well matured plans!—"And now Emily"— + </p> + <p> + "But have I really done so?" said she, hurriedly turning round and fixing + her large full eyes upon me, while one of her hands played convulsively + through my hair—"have I your heart? your whole heart?" + </p> + <p> + "Can you doubt it, dearest," said I, passionately pressing her to my + bosom; and at the same time muttering, "What the devil's in the wind now; + we are surely not going to patch up our separation, and make love in + earnest." + </p> + <p> + There she lay, her head upon my shoulder, her long, brown, waving ringlets + falling loosely across my face and on my bosom, her hand in mine. What + were her thoughts I cannot guess—mine, God forgive me, were a + fervent wish either for her mother's appearance, or that the hotel would + suddenly take fire, or some other extensive calamity arise to put the + finishing stroke to this embarassing situation. + </p> + <p> + None of these, however, were destined to occur; and Emily lay still and + motionless as she was, scarce seeming to breathe, and pale as death. What + can this mean, said I, surely this is not the usual way to treat with a + rejected suitor; if it be, why then, by Jupiter the successful one must + have rather the worst of it—and I fervently hope that Lady Jane be + not at this moment giving his conge to some disappointed swain. She slowly + raised her long, black fringed eyelids, and looked into my face, with an + expression at once so tender and so plaintive, that I felt a struggle + within myself whether to press her to my heart, or—what the deuce + was the alternative. I hope my reader knows, for I really do not. And + after all, thought I, if we are to marry, I am only anticipating a little; + and if not, why then a "chaste salute," as Winifred Jenkins calls it, + she'll be none the worse for. Acting at once upon this resolve, I leaned + downwards, and passing back her ringlets from her now flushed cheek, I was + startled by my name, which I heard called several times in the corridor. + The door at the same instant was burst suddenly open, and Trevanion + appeared. + </p> + <p> + "Harry, Harry Lorrequer," cried he, as he entered; then suddenly checking + himself, added "a thousand, ten thousand pardons. But—" + </p> + <p> + "But what," cried I passionately, forgetting all save the situation of + poor Emily at the moment, "what can justify—" + </p> + <p> + "Nothing certainly can justify such an intrusion," said Trevanion, + finishing my sentence for me, "except the very near danger you run this + moment in being arrested. O'Leary's imprudence has compromised your + safety, and you must leave Paris within an hour." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, Mr. Trevanion," said Emily, who by this time had regained a more + befitting attitude, "pray speak out; what is it? is Harry—is Mr. + Lorrequer, I mean, in any danger?" + </p> + <p> + "Nothing of consequence, Miss Bingham, if he only act with prudence, and + be guided by his friends. Lorrequer, you will find me in your apartments + in half an hour—till then, adieu." + </p> + <p> + While Emily poured forth question after question, as to the nature and + extent of my present difficulty, I could not help thinking of the tact by + which Trevanion escaped, leaving me to make my adieux to Emily as best I + might—for I saw in a glance that I must leave Paris at once. I, + therefore, briefly gave her to understand the affair at the salon—which + I suspected to be the cause of the threatened arrest—and was about + to profess my unaltered and unalterable attachment, when she suddenly + stopped me. + </p> + <p> + "No, Mr. Lorrequer, no. All is over between us. We must never meet again—never. + We have been both playing a part. Good by—good by: do not altogether + forget me—and once more, Harry good by." + </p> + <p> + What I might have said, thought, or done, I know not; but the arrival of + Mrs. Bingham's carriage at the door left no time for any thing but escape. + So, once more pressing her hand firmly to my lips, I said—"au + revoir, Emily, au revoir, not good by," and rushing from the room, + regained my own, just as Mrs. Bingham reached the corridor. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch41" id="ch41"></a>CHAPTER XLI. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + MR. O'LEARY'S CAPTURE. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + <a name="Mr._OLearys_Double_Capture" id="Mr._OLearys_Double_Capture">Mr. + O'Leary's Double Capture</a> + </h3> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%;"> + <img alt="Ch 41 Mr. O'Leary's Double Capture.jpg (70K)" + src="images/Ch%2041%20Mr.%20OLearys%20Double%20Capture.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <a href="images2/Ch%2041%20Mr.%20OLearys%20Double%20Capture.jpg">BLACK AND + WHITE IMAGE</a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + Does she really care for me? was my first question to myself as I left the + room. Is this story about pre-engaged affections merely a got up thing, to + try the force of my attachment for her? for, if not, her conduct is most + inexplicable; and great as my experience has been in such affairs, I avow + myself out maneuvered. While I thought over this difficulty, Trevanion + came up, and in a few words, informed me more fully upon what he hinted at + before. It appeared that O'Leary, much more alive to the imperative + necessity of avoiding detection by his sposa, than of involving himself + with the police, had thrown out most dark and mysterious hints in the + hotel as to the reason of his residence at Paris; fully impressed with the + idea that, to be a good Pole, he need only talk "revolutionary;" devote to + the powers below, all kings, czars, and kaisers; weep over the wrongs of + his nation; wear rather seedy habiliments, and smoke profusely. The latter + were with him easy conditions, and he so completely acted the former to + the life, that he had been that morning arrested in the Tuilleries + gardens, under several treasonable charges—among others, the + conspiracy, with some of his compatriots to murder the minister of war. + </p> + <p> + However laughable such an accusation against poor O'Leary, one + circumstance rendered the matter any thing but ludicrous. Although he must + come off free of this grave offence, yet, the salon transaction would + necessarily now become known; I should be immediately involved, and my + departure from Paris prevented. + </p> + <p> + "So," said Trevanion, as he briefly laid before me the difficulty of my + position, "you may perceive that however strongly your affections may be + engaged in a certain quarter, it is quite as well to think of leaving + Paris without delay. O'Leary's arrest will be followed by yours, depend + upon it; and once under the surveillance of the police, escape is + impossible." + </p> + <p> + "But, seriously, Trevanion," said I, nettled at the tone of raillery he + spoke in, "you must see that there is nothing whatever in that business. I + was merely taking my farewell of the fair Emily. Her affections have been + long since engaged, and I—" + </p> + <p> + "Only endeavouring to support her in her attachment to the more favoured + rival. Is it not so?" + </p> + <p> + "Come, no quizzing. Faith I began to feel very uncomfortable about parting + with her, the moment that I discovered that I must do so." + </p> + <p> + "So I guessed," said Trevanion, with a dry look, "from the interesting + scene I so abruptly trespassed upon. But you are right; a little bit of + tendresse is never misplaced, so long as the object is young, pretty, and + still more than all, disposed for it." + </p> + <p> + "Quite out; perfectly mistaken, believe me. Emily not only never cared for + me; but she has gone far enough to tell me so." + </p> + <p> + "Then, from all I know of such matters," replied he, "you were both in a + very fair way to repair that mistake on her part. But hark! what is this?" + A tremendous noise in the street here interrupted our colloquy, and on + opening the window, a strange scene presented itself to our eyes. In the + middle of a dense mass of moving rabble, shouting, yelling, and screaming, + with all their might, were two gens d'armes with a prisoner between them. + The unhappy man was followed by a rather well-dressed, middle-aged looking + woman, who appeared to be desirous of bestowing the most covam publico + endearments upon the culprit, whom a second glance showed us was O'Leary. + </p> + <p> + "I tell you, my dear madam, you are mistaken," said O'Leary, addressing + her with great sternness of manner and voice. + </p> + <p> + "Mistaken! Never, never. How could I ever be mistaken in that dear voice, + those lovely eyes, that sweet little nose?" + </p> + <p> + "Take her away; she's deranged," said O'Leary to the gens d'armes. "Sure, + if I'm a Pole, that's enough of misfortune." + </p> + <p> + "I'll follow him to the end of the earth, I will." + </p> + <p> + "I'm going to the galleys, God be praised," said O'Leary. + </p> + <p> + "To the galleys—to the guillotine—any where," responded she, + throwing herself upon his neck, much less, as it seemed, to his + gratification, than that of the mob, who laughed and shouted most + uproariously. + </p> + <p> + "Mrs. Ram, ain't you ashamed?" + </p> + <p> + "He calls me by my name," said she, "and he attempts to disown me. Ha! ha! + ha! ha!" and immediately fell off into a strong paroxysm of kicking, and + pinching, and punching the bystanders, a malady well known under the name + of hysterics; but being little more than a privileged mode, among certain + ladies, of paying off some scores, which it is not thought decent to do in + their more sober moments. + </p> + <p> + "Lead me away—anywhere—convict me of what you like," said he, + "but don't let her follow me." + </p> + <p> + The gens d'armes, who little comprehended the nature of the scene before + them, were not sorry to anticipate a renewal of it on Mrs. Ram's recovery, + and accordingly seized the opportunity to march on with O'Leary, who + turned the corner of the Rue Rivoli, under a shower of "meurtriers" and + "scelerats" from the mob, that fell fortunately most unconsciously upon + his ears. + </p> + <p> + The possibility of figuring in such a procession contributed much to the + force of Trevanion's reasonings, and I resolved to leave Paris at once. + </p> + <p> + "Promise me, then, to involve yourself in no more scrapes for + half-an-hour. Pack every thing you shall want with you, and, by seven + o'clock, I shall be here with your passport and all ready for a start." + </p> + <p> + With a beating brain, and in a whirlwind of conflicting thoughts, I threw + my clothes hither and thither into my trunk; Lady Jane and Emily both + flitting every instant before my imagination, and frequently an + irresolution to proceed stopping all my preparations for departure, I sat + down musing upon a chair, and half determined to stay where I was, coute + qui coute. Finally, the possibility of exposure in a trial, had its + weight. I continued my occupation till the last coat was folded, and the + lock turned, when I seated myself opposite my luggage, and waited + impatiently for my friend's return. <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch42" id="ch42"></a>CHAPTER XLII. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + THE JOURNEY. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + Trevanion came at last. He had obtained my passport, and engaged a + carriage to convey me about eight miles, where I should overtake the + diligence—such a mode of travelling being judged more likely to + favour my escape, by attracting less attention than posting. It was past + ten when I left the Rue St. Honore, having shaken hands with Trevanion for + the last time, and charged him with ten thousand soft messages for the + "friends" I left behind me. + </p> + <p> + When I arrived at the village of St. Jacques, the diligence had not come + up. To pass away the time, I ordered a little supper and a bottle of St. + Julien. Scarcely had I seated myself to my "cotelette," when the rapid + whirl of wheels was heard without, and a cab drew up suddenly at the door. + So naturally does the fugitive suspect pursuit, that my immediate + impression was, that I was followed. In this notion I was strengthened by + the tones of a cracked, discordant voice, asking in very peculiar French + if the "diligence had passed?" Being answered in the negative he walked + into the room where I was, and speedily by his appearance, removed any + apprehensions I had felt as to my safety. Nothing could less resemble the + tall port and sturdy bearing of a gendarme, than the diminutive and + dwarfish individual before me. His height could scarcely have reached five + feet, of which the head formed fully a fourth part; and even this was + rendered in appearance still greater by a mass of loosely floating black + hair that fell upon his neck and shoulders, and gave him much the air of a + "black lion" on a sign board. His black frock, fur-collared and braided—his + ill-made boots, his meerschaum projecting from his breast-pocket, above + all, his unwashed hands, and a heavy gold ring upon his thumb—all + made up an ensemble of evidences that showed he could be nothing but a + German. His manner was bustling, impatient, and had it not been ludicrous, + would certainly be considered as insolent to every one about him, for he + stared each person abruptly in the face, and mumbled some broken + expressions of his opinion of them half-aloud in German. His comments ran + on:—"Bon soir, Monsieur," to the host: "Ein boesewicht, ganz sicher"—"a + scoundrel without doubt;" and then added, still lower, "Rob you here as + soon as look at you." "Ah, postillion! comment va?"—"much more like + a brigand after all—I know which I'd take you for." "Ver fluchte + fraw"—"how ugly the woman is." This compliment was intended for the + hostess, who curtsied down to the ground in her ignorance. At last + approaching me, he stopped, and having steadily surveyed me, muttered, + "Ein echter Englander"—"a thorough Englishman, always eating." I + could not resist the temptation to assure him that I was perfectly aware + of his flattering impression in my behalf, though I had speedily to regret + my precipitancy, for, less mindful of the rebuke than pleased at finding + some one who understood German, he drew his chair beside me and entered + into conversation. + </p> + <p> + Every one has surely felt, some time or other in life, the insufferable + annoyance of having his thoughts and reflections interfered with, and + broken in upon by the vulgar impertinence and egotism of some "bore," who, + mistaking your abstraction for attention and your despair for delight, + inflicts upon you his whole life and adventures, when your own immediate + destinies are perhaps vacillating in the scale. + </p> + <p> + Such a doom was now mine! Occupied as I was by the hope of the future, and + my fears lest any impediment to my escape should blast my prospects for + ever, I preferred appearing to pay attention to this confounded fellow's + "personal narrative" lest his questions, turning on my own affairs, might + excite suspicions as to the reasons of my journey. + </p> + <p> + I longed most ardently for the arrival of the diligence, trusting that + with true German thrift, by friend might prefer the cheapness of the + "interieure" to the magnificence of the "coupe," and that thus I should + see no more of him. But in this pleasing hope I was destined to be + disappointed, for I was scarcely seated in my place when I found him + beside me. The third occupant of this "privileged den," as well as my + lamp-light survey of him permitted, afforded nothing to build on as a + compensation for the German. He was a tall, lanky, lantern-jawed man, with + a hook nose and projecting chin; his hair, which had only been permitted + to grow very lately, formed that curve upon his forehead we see in certain + old fashioned horse-shoe wigs; his compressed lip and hard features gave + the expression of one who had seen a good deal of the world, and didn't + think the better of it in consequence. I observed that he listened to the + few words we spoke while getting in with some attention, and then, like a + person who did not comprehend the language, turned his shoulder towards + us, and soon fell asleep. I was now left to the "tender mercies" of my + talkative companion, who certainly spared me not. Notwithstanding my + vigorous resolves to turn a deaf ear to his narratives, I could not avoid + learning that he was the director of music to some German prince—that + he had been to Paris to bring out an opera which having, as he said, a + "succes pyramidal," he was about to repeat in Strasbourg. He further + informed me that a depute from Alsace had obtained for him a government + permission to travel with the courier; but that he being "social" withal, + and no ways proud, preferred the democracy of the diligence to the + solitary grandeur of the caleche, (for which heaven confound him,) and + thus became my present companion. + </p> + <p> + Music, in all its shapes and forms made up the staple of the little man's + talk. There was scarcely an opera or an overture, from Mozart to + Donizetti, that he did not insist upon singing a scene from; and wound up + all by a very pathetic lamentation over English insensibility to music, + which he in great part attributed to our having only one opera, which he + kindly informed me was "Bob et Joan." However indisposed to check the + current of his loquacity by any effort of mine, I could not avoid the + temptation to translate for him a story which Sir Walter Scott once + related to me, and was so far apropos, as conveying my own sense of the + merits of our national music, such as we have it, by its association with + scenes, and persons, and places we are all familiar with, however + unintelligible to the ear of a stranger. + </p> + <p> + A young French viscomte was fortunate enough to obtain in marriage the + hand of a singularly pretty Scotch heiress of an old family and good + fortune, who, amongst her other endowments, possessed a large + old-fashioned house in a remote district of the highlands, where her + ancestors had resided for centuries. Thither the young couple repaired to + pass their honeymoon; the enamoured bridegroom gladly availing himself of + the opportunity to ingratiate himself with his new connexion, by adopting + the seclusion he saw practised by the English on such occasions. However + consonant to our notions of happiness, and however conducive to our + enjoyment this custom be—and I have strong doubts upon the subject + —it certainly prospered ill with the volatile Frenchman, who pined + for Paris, its cafes, its boulevards, its maisons de jeu, and its soirees. + His days were passed in looking from the deep and narrow windows of some + oak-framed room upon the bare and heath-clad moors, or watching the + cloud's shadows as they passed across the dark pine trees that closed the + distance. + </p> + <p> + Ennuyee to death, and convinced that he had sacrificed enough and more + than enough to the barbarism which demanded such a "sejour," he was + sitting one evening listlessly upon the terrace in front of the house, + plotting a speedy escape from his gloomy abode, and meditating upon the + life of pleasure that awaited him, when the discordant twang of some + savage music broke upon his ear, and roused him from his reverie. The wild + scream and fitful burst of a highland pibroch is certainly not the most + likely thing in nature to allay the irritable and ruffled feelings of an + irascible person—unless, perhaps, the hearer eschew breeches. So + thought the viscomte. He started hurriedly up, and straight before him, + upon the gravel-walk, beheld the stalwart figure and bony frame of an old + highlander, blowing, with all his lungs, the "Gathering of the clans." + With all the speed he could muster, he rushed into the house, and, calling + his servants, ordered them to expel the intruder, and drive him at once + outside the demesne. When the mandate was made known to the old piper, it + was with the greatest difficulty he could be brought to comprehend it—for, + time out of mind, his approach had been hailed with every demonstration of + rejoicing; and now—but no; the thing was impossible—there must + be a mistake somewhere. He was accordingly about to recommence, when a + second and stronger hint suggested to him that it were safer to depart. + "Maybe the 'carl' did na like the pipes," said the highlander musingly, as + he packed them up for his march. "Maybe he did na like me;" "perhaps, too, + he was na in the humour of music." He paused for an instant as if + reflecting—not satisfied, probably, that he had hit upon the true + solution—when suddenly his eye brightened, his lips curled, and + fixing a look upon the angry Frenchman, he said—"Maybe ye are right + enow—ye heard them ower muckle in Waterloo to like the skirl o' them + ever since;" with which satisfactory explanation, made in no spirit of + bitterness or raillery, but in the simple belief that he had at last hit + the mark of the viscomte's antipathy, the old man gathered up his plaid + and departed. + </p> + <p> + However disposed I might have felt towards sleep, the little German + resolved I should not obtain any, for when for half an hour together I + would preserve a rigid silence, he, nowise daunted, had recourse to some + German "lied," which he gave forth with an energy of voice and manner that + must have aroused every sleeper in the diligence: so that, fain to avoid + this, I did my best to keep him on the subject of his adventures, which, + as a man of successful gallantry, were manifold indeed. Wearying at last, + even of this subordinate part, I fell into a kind of half doze. The words + of a student song he continued to sing without ceasing for above an hour—being + the last waking thought on my memory. + </p> + <p> + Less as a souvenir of the singer than a specimen of its class I give here + a rough translation of the well-known Burschen melody called <br /> + </p> + <table summary=""> + <tr> + <td> + THE POPE<br /> <br /> I.<br /> The Pope, he leads a happy life,<br /> He + fears not married care, nor strife,<br /> He drinks the best of Rhenish + wine,<br /> I would the Pope's gay lot were mine.<br /> <br /> CHORUS.<br /> + He drinks the best of Rhenish wine.<br /> I would the Pope's gay lot + were mine.<br /> <br /> II.<br /> But then all happy's not his life,<br /> + He has not maid, nor blooming wife;<br /> Nor child has he to raise his + hope—<br /> I would not wish to be the Pope.<br /> <br /> III.<br /> + The Sultan better pleases me,<br /> His is a life of jollity;<br /> His + wives are many as he will—<br /> I would the Sultan's throne then + fill.<br /> <br /> IV.<br /> But even he's a wretched man,<br /> He must + obey his Alcoran;<br /> And dares not drink one drop of wine—<br /> + I would not change his lot for mine.<br /> <br /> V.<br /> So then I'll + hold my lowly stand,<br /> And live in German Vaterland;<br /> I'll kiss + my maiden fair and fine,<br /> And drink the best of Rhenish wine.<br /> + <br /> VI.<br /> Whene'er my maiden kisses me,<br /> I'll think that I + the Sultan be;<br /> And when my cheery glass I tope,<br /> I'll fancy + then I am the Pope.<br /> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch43" id="ch43"></a>CHAPTER XLIII. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + THE JOURNEY. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + It was with a feeling of pleasure I cannot explain, that I awoke in the + morning, and found myself upon the road. The turmoil, the bustle, the + never-ending difficulties of my late life in Paris had so over-excited and + worried me, that I could neither think nor reflect. Now all these cares + and troubles were behind me, and I felt like a liberated prisoner as I + looked upon the grey dawn of the coming day, as it gradually melted from + its dull and leaden tint to the pink and yellow hue of the rising sun. The + broad and richly-coloured plains of "la belle France" were before me—and + it is "la belle France," however inferior to parts of England in rural + beauty—the large tracts of waving yellow corn, undulating like a sea + in the morning breeze—the interminable reaches of forest, upon which + the shadows played and flitted, deepening the effect and mellowing the + mass, as we see them in Ruysdael's pictures—while now and then some + tall-gabled, antiquated chateau, with its mutilated terrace and + dowager-like air of bye-gone grandeur, would peep forth at the end of some + long avenue of lime trees, all having their own features of beauty—and + a beauty with which every object around harmonizes well. The sluggish + peasant, in his blouse and striped night-cap—the heavily caparisoned + horse, shaking his head amidst a Babel-tower of gaudy worsted tassels and + brass bells—the deeply laden waggon, creeping slowly along—are + all in keeping with a scene, where the very mist that rises from the + valley seems indolent and lazy, and unwilling to impart the rich perfume + of verdure with which it is loaded. Every land has its own peculiar + character of beauty. The glaciered mountain, the Alpine peak, the dashing + cataract of Switzerland and the Tyrol, are not finer in their way than the + long flat moorlands of a Flemish landscape, with its clump of stunted + willows cloistering over some limpid brook, in which the oxen are standing + for shelter from the noon-day heat—while, lower down, some rude + water-wheel is mingling its sounds with the summer bees and the merry + voices of the miller and his companions. So strayed my thoughts as the + German shook me by the arm, and asked if "I were not ready for my + breakfast?" Luckily to this question there is rarely but the one answer. + Who is not ready for his breakfast when on the road? How delightful, if on + the continent, to escape from the narrow limits of the dungeon-like + diligence, where you sit with your knees next your collar-bone, fainting + with heat and suffocated by dust, and find yourself suddenly beside the + tempting "plats" of a little French dejeune, with its cutlets, its fried + fish, its poulet, its salad, and its little entre of fruit, tempered with + a not despicable bottle of Beaune. If in England, the exchange is nearly + as grateful—for though our travelling be better, and our equipage + less "genante," still it is no small alterative from the stage-coach to + the inn parlour, redolent of aromatic black tea, eggs, and hot toast, with + a hospitable side-board of red, raw surloins, and York hams, that would + made a Jew's mouth water. While, in America, the change is greatest of + all, as any one can vouch for who has been suddenly emancipated from the + stove-heat of a "nine-inside" leathern "conveniency," bumping ten miles an + hour over a corduroy road, the company smoking, if not worse; to the ample + display of luxurious viands displayed upon the breakfast-table, where, + what with buffalo steaks, pumpkin pie, gin cock-tail, and other + aristocratically called temptations, he must be indeed fastidious who + cannot employ his half-hour. Pity it is, when there is so much good to + eat, that people will not partake of it like civilized beings, and with + that air of cheerful thankfulness that all other nations more or less + express when enjoying the earth's bounties. But true it is, that there is + a spirit of discontent in the Yankee, that seems to accept of benefits + with a tone of dissatisfaction, if not distrust. I once made this remark + to an excellent friend of mine now no more, who, however, would not permit + of my attributing this feature to the Americans exclusively, adding, + "Where have you more of this than in Ireland? and surely you would not + call the Irish ungrateful?" He illustrated his first remark by the + following short anecdote:— + </p> + <p> + The rector of the parish my friend lived in was a man who added to the + income he derived from his living a very handsome private fortune, which + he devoted entirely to the benefit of the poor around him. Among the + objects of his bounty one old woman—a childless widow, was + remarkably distinguished. Whether commiserating her utter helplessness or + her complete isolation, he went farther to relieve her than to many, if + not all, the other poor. She frequently was in the habit of pleading her + poverty as a reason for not appearing in church among her neighbours; and + he gladly seized an opportunity of so improving her condition, that on + this score at least no impediment existed. When all his little plans for + her comfort had been carried into execution, he took the opportunity one + day of dropping in, as if accidentally, to speak to her. By degrees he led + the subject to her changed condition in life—the alteration from a + cold, damp, smoky hovel, to a warm, clean, slated house—the cheerful + garden before the door that replaced the mud-heap and the duck-pool—and + all the other happy changes which a few weeks had effected. And he then + asked, did she not feel grateful to a bountiful Providence that had + showered down so many blessings upon her head? + </p> + <p> + "Ah, troth, its thrue for yer honour, I am grateful," she replied, in a + whining discordant tone, which astonished the worthy parson. + </p> + <p> + "Of course you are, my good woman, of course you are—but I mean to + say, don't you feel that every moment you live is too short to express + your thankfulness to this kind Providence for what he has done?" + </p> + <p> + "Ah, darlin', it's all thrue, he's very good, he's mighty kind, so he is." + </p> + <p> + "Why then, not acknowledge it in a different manner?" said the parson, + with some heat—"has he not housed you, and fed you, and clothed + you?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, alanah, he done it all." + </p> + <p> + "Well, where is your gratitude for all these mercies?" + </p> + <p> + "Ah, sure if he did," said the old crone, roused at length by the + importunity of the questioner—"sure if he did, doesn't he take it + out o' me in the corns?" + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch44" id="ch44"></a>CHAPTER XLIV. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + A REMINISCENCE OF THE EAST. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + The breakfast-table assembled around it the three generations of men who + issued from the three subdivisions of the diligence, and presented that + motley and mixed assemblage of ranks, ages, and countries, which forms so + very amusing a part of a traveller's experience. + </p> + <p> + First came the "haute aristocratie" of the coupe, then the middle class of + the interieure, and lastly, the tiers etat of the rotonde, with its + melange of Jew money-lenders, under-officers and their wives, a Norman + nurse with a high cap and a red jupe; while, to close the procession, a + German student descended from the roof, with a beard, a blouse, and a + meerschaum. Of such materials was our party made up; and yet, differing in + all our objects and interests, we speedily amalgamated into a very social + state of intimacy, and chatted away over our breakfast with much good + humour and gaiety. Each person of the number seeming pleased at the + momentary opportunity of finding a new listener, save my tall companion of + the coupe. He preserved a dogged silence, unbroken by even a chance + expression to the waiter, who observed his wants and supplied them by a + species of quick instinct, evidently acquired by practice. As I could not + help feeling somewhat interested about the hermit-like attachment he + evinced for solitude, I watched him narrowly for some time, and at length + as the "roti" made its appearance before him, after he had helped himself + and tasted it, he caught my eye fixed upon him, and looking at me intently + for a few seconds, he seemed to be satisfied in some passing doubt he + laboured under, as he said with a most peculiar shake of the head—"No + mangez, no mangez cela." + </p> + <p> + "Ah," said I, detecting in my friend's French his English origin, "you are + an Englishman I find." + </p> + <p> + "The devil a doubt of it, darlin'," said he half testily. + </p> + <p> + "An Irishman, too—still better," said I. + </p> + <p> + "Why then isn't it strange that my French always shows me to be English, + and my English proves me Irish? It's lucky for me there's no going farther + any how." + </p> + <p> + Delighted to have thus fallen upon a "character," as the Irishman + evidently appeared, I moved my chair towards his; and finding, however, he + was not half pleased at the manner in which my acquaintance had been made + with him, and knowing his country's susceptibility of being taken by a + story, I resolved to make my advances by narrating a circumstance which + had once befallen me in my early life. + </p> + <p> + Our countrymen, English and Irish, travel so much now a days, that one + ought never to feel surprised at finding them anywhere. The instance I am + about to relate will verify to a certain extent the fact, by showing that + no situation is too odd or too unlikely to be within the verge of + calculation. + </p> + <p> + When the 10th foot, to which I then belonged, were at Corfu, I obtained + with three other officers a short leave of absence, to make a hurried tour + of the Morea, and taking a passing glance at Constantinople—in those + days much less frequently visited by travellers than at present. + </p> + <p> + After rambling pleasantly about for some weeks, we were about to return, + when we determined that before sailing we should accept an invitation some + officers of the "Dwarf" frigate, then stationed there, had given us, to + pass a day at Pera, and pic-nic in the mountain. + </p> + <p> + One fine bright morning was therefore selected—a most appetizing + little dinner being carefully packed up—we set out, a party of + fourteen, upon our excursion. + </p> + <p> + The weather was glorious, and the scene far finer than any of us had + anticipated—the view from the mountain extending over the entire + city, gorgeous in the rich colouring of its domes and minarets; while, at + one side, the golden horn was visible, crowded with ships of every nation, + and, at the other, a glimpse might be had of the sea of Marmora, blue and + tranquil as it lay beneath. The broad bosom of the Bosphorus was sheeted + out like a map before us—peaceful yet bustling with life and + animation. Here lay the union-jack of old England, floating beside the + lilies of France—we speak of times when lilies were and barricades + were not—the tall and taper spars of a Yankee frigate towering above + the low timbers and heavy hull of a Dutch schooner—the gilded poop + and curved galleries of a Turkish three-decker, anchored beside the raking + mast and curved deck of a suspicious looking craft, whose red-capped and + dark-visaged crew needed not the naked creese at their sides to bespeak + them Malays. The whole was redolent of life, and teeming with food for + one's fancy to conjure from. + </p> + <p> + While we were debating upon the choice of a spot for our luncheon, which + should command the chief points of view within our reach, one of the party + came to inform us that he had just discovered the very thing we were in + search of. It was a small kiosk, built upon a projecting rock that looked + down upon the Bosphorus and the city, and had evidently, from the extended + views it presented, been selected as the spot to build upon. The building + itself was a small octagon, open on every side, and presenting a series of + prospects, land and seaward, of the most varied and magnificent kind. + </p> + <p> + Seeing no one near, nor any trace of habitation, we resolved to avail + ourselves of the good taste of the founder; and spreading out the contents + of our hampers, proceeded to discuss a most excellent cold dinner. When + the good things had disappeared, and the wine began to circulate, one of + the party observed that we should not think of enjoying ourselves before + we had filled a bumper to the brim, to the health of our good king, whose + birth-day it chanced to be. Our homeward thoughts and loyalty uniting, we + filled our glasses, and gave so hearty a "hip, hip, hurra," to our toast, + that I doubt if the echoes of those old rocks ever heard the equal of it. + </p> + <p> + Scarcely was the last cheer dying away in the distance, when the door of + the kiosk opened, and a negro dressed in white muslin appeared, his arms + and ancles bearing those huge rings of massive gold, which only persons of + rank distinguish their servants by. + </p> + <p> + After a most profound obeisance to the party, he explained in very + tolerable French, that his master the Effendi, Ben Mustapha Al Halak, at + whose charge (in house rent) we were then resting, sent us greetings, and + begged that if not considered as contrary to our usages, we should permit + him and his suite to approach the kiosk and observe us at our meal. + </p> + <p> + Independent of his politeness in the mode of conveying the request, as he + would prove fully as entertaining a sight to us as we could possibly be to + him, we immediately expressed our great willingness to receive his visit, + coupled with a half hint that perhaps he might honour us by joining the + party. + </p> + <p> + After a half hour's delay, the door was once more thrown open, and a + venerable old Turk entered: he salaamed three times most reverently, and + motioned to us to be seated, declining, at the same time, by a gentle + gesture of his hand, our invitation. He was followed by a train of six + persons, all splendidly attired, and attesting, by their costume and + manner, the rank and importance of their chief. Conceiving that his visit + had but one object—to observe our convivial customs—we + immediately reseated ourselves, and filled our glasses. + </p> + <p> + As one after another the officers of the effendi's household passed round + the apartments, we offered them a goblet of champagne, which they + severally declined, with a polite but solemn smile—all except one, a + large, savage-looking Turk, with a most ferocious scowl, and the largest + black beard I ever beheld. He did not content himself with a mute refusal + of our offer, but stopping suddenly, he raised up his hands above his + head, and muttered some words in Turkish, which one of the party informed + us was a very satisfactory recommendation of the whole company to Satan + for their heretic abomination. + </p> + <p> + The procession moved slowly round the room, and when it reached the door + again retired, each member of it salaaming three times as they had done on + entering. Scarcely had they gone, when we burst into a loud fit of + laughter at the savage-looking fellow who thought proper to excommunicate + us, and were about to discuss his more than common appearance of disgust + at our proceedings, when again the door opened, and a turbaned head peeped + in, but so altered were the features, that although seen but the moment + before, we could hardly believe them the same. The dark complexion—the + long and bushy beard were there—but instead of the sleepy and solemn + character of the oriental, with heavy eye and closed lip, there was a + droll, half-devilry in the look, and partly open mouth, that made a most + laughable contrast with the head-dress. He looked stealthily around him + for an instant, as if to see that all was right, and then, with an accent + and expression I shall never forget, said, "I'll taste your wine, + gentleman, an it be pleasing to ye." + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch45" id="ch45"></a>CHAPTER XLV. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + A DAY IN THE PHOENIX. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + When we were once more in the coupe of the diligence, I directed my entire + attention towards my Irish acquaintance, as well because of his apparent + singularity, as to avoid the little German in the opposite corner. + </p> + <p> + "You have not been long in France, then, sir," said I, as we resumed our + conversation. + </p> + <p> + "Three weeks, and it seems like three years to me—nothing to eat—nothing + to drink—and nobody to speak to. But I'll go back soon—I only + came abroad for a month." + </p> + <p> + "You'll scarcely see much of the Continent in so short a time." + </p> + <p> + "Devil a much that will grieve me—I didn't come to see it." + </p> + <p> + "Indeed!" + </p> + <p> + "Nothing of the kind; I only came—to be away from home." + </p> + <p> + "Oh! I perceive." + </p> + <p> + "You're quite out there," said my companion, misinterpreting my meaning. + "It wasn't any thing of that kind. I don't owe sixpence. I was laughed out + of Ireland—that's all, though that same is bad enough." + </p> + <p> + "Laughed out of it!" + </p> + <p> + "Just so—and little you know of Ireland if that surprises you." + </p> + <p> + After acknowledging that such an event was perfectly possible, from what I + myself had seen of that country, I obtained the following very brief + account of my companion's reasons for foreign travel: + </p> + <p> + "Well, sir," began he, "it is about four months since I brought up to + Dublin from Galway a little chesnut mare, with cropped ears and a short + tail, square-jointed, and rather low—just what you'd call a smart + hack for going to cover with—a lively thing on the road with a light + weight. Nobody ever suspected that she was a clean bred thing—own + sister to Jenny, that won the Corinthians, and ran second to Giles for the + Riddlesworth—but so she was, and a better bred mare never leaped the + pound in Ballinasloe. Well, I brought her to Dublin, and used to ride her + out two or three times a week, making little matches sometimes to trot—and, + for a thorough bred, she was a clipper at trotting—to trot a mile or + so on the grass—another day to gallop the length of the nine acres + opposite the Lodge—and then sometimes, back her for a ten pound + note, to jump the biggest furze bush that could be found—all or + which she could do with ease, nobody thinking, all the while, that the + cock-tailed pony was out of Scroggins, by a 'Lamplighter mare.' As every + fellow that was beat to-day was sure to come back to-morrow, with + something better, either of his own or a friend's, I had matches booked + for every day in the week—for I always made my little boy that rode, + win by half a neck, or a nostril, and so we kept on day after day + pocketing from ten to thirty pounds or thereabouts. + </p> + <p> + "It was mighty pleasant while it lasted, for besides winning the money, I + had my own fun laughing at the spoonies that never could book my bets fast + enough. Young infantry officers and the junior bar—they were for the + most part mighty nice to look at, but very raw about racing. How long I + might have gone on in this way I cannot say; but one morning I fell in + with a fat, elderly gentleman, in shorts and gaiters, mounted on a dun cob + pony, that was very fidgety and hot tempered, and appeared to give the + rider a great deal of uneasiness. + </p> + <p> + "'He's a spicy hack you're on, sir,' said I, 'and has a go in him, I'll be + bound.' + </p> + <p> + "'I rayther think he has,' said the old gentleman, half testily. + </p> + <p> + "'And can trot a bit, too.' + </p> + <p> + "'Twelve Irish miles in fifty minutes, with my weight.' Here he looked + down at a paunch like a sugar hosghead. + </p> + <p> + "'Maybe he's not bad across a country,' said I, rather to humour the old + fellow, who, I saw, was proud of his poney. + </p> + <p> + "'I'd like to see his match, that's all.' Here he gave a rather + contemptuous glance at my hack. + </p> + <p> + "Well, one word led to another, and it ended at last in our booking a + match, with which one party was no less pleased than the other. It was + this: each was to ride his own horse, starting from the school in the + Park, round the Fifteen Acres, outside the Monument, and back to the start—just + one heat, about a mile and a half—the ground good, and only soft + enough. In consideration, however, of his greater weight, I was to give + odds in the start; and as we could not well agree on how much, it was at + length decided that he was to get away first, and I to follow as fast as I + could, after drinking a pewter quart full of Guinness's double stout—droll + odds, you'll say, but it was the old fellow's own thought, and as the + match was a soft one, I let him have his way. + </p> + <p> + "The next morning the Phoenix was crowded as if for a review. There were + all the Dublin notorieties, swarming in barouches, and tilburies, and + outside jaunting-cars—smart clerks in the post-office, mounted upon + kicking devils from Dycer's and Lalouette's stables—attorney's wives + and daughters from York-street, and a stray doctor or so on a hack that + looked as if it had been lectured on for the six winter months at the + College of Surgeons. My antagonist was half an hour late, which time I + occupied in booking bets on every side of me—offering odds of ten, + fifteen, and at last, to tempt the people, twenty-five to one against the + dun. At last, the fat gentleman came up on a jaunting-car, followed by a + groom leading the cob. I wish you heard the cheer that greeted him on his + arrival, for it appeared he was a well-known character in town, and much + in favour with the mob. When he got off the car, he bundled into a tent, + followed by a few of his friends, where they remained for about five + minutes, at the end of which he came out in full racing costume—blue + and yellow striped jacket, blue cap and leathers—looking as funny a + figure as ever you set eyes upon. I now thought it time to throw off my + white surtout, and show out in pink and orange, the colours I had been + winning in for two months past. While some of the party were sent on to + station themselves at different places round the Fifteen Acres, to mark + out the course, my fat friend was assisted into his saddle, and gave a + short preliminary gallop of a hundred yards or so, that set us all + a-laughing. The odds were now fifty to one in my favour, and I gave them + wherever I could find takers. 'With you, sir, if you please, in pounds, + and the gentleman in the red whiskers, too, if he likes—very well, + in half sovereigns, if you prefer it.' So I went on, betting on every + side, till the bell rung to mount. As I knew I had plenty of time to + spare, I took little notice, and merely giving a look to my girths, I + continued leisurely booking my bets. At last the time came, and at the + word 'Away!' off went the fat gentleman on the dun, at a spluttering + gallop, that flung the mud on every side of us, and once more threw us all + a-laughing. I waited patiently till he got near the upper end of the park, + taking bets every minute; and now that he was away, every one offered to + wager. At last, when I had let him get nearly half round, and found no + more money could be had, I called out to his friends for the porter, and, + throwing myself into the saddle, gathered up the reins in my hand. The + crowd fell back on each side, while from the tent I have already mentioned + came a thin fellow with one eye, with a pewter quart in his hand: he + lifted it up towards me, and I took it; but what was my fright to find + that the porter was boiling, and the vessel so hot I could barely hold it. + I endeavoured to drink, however: the first mouthful took all the skin off + my lips and tongue—the second half choked, and the third nearly + threw me into an apoplectic fit—the mob cheering all the time like + devils. Meantime, the old fellow had reached the furze, and was going + along like fun. Again I tried the porter, and a fit of coughing came on + that lasted five minutes. The pewter was now so hot that the edge of the + quart took away a piece of my mouth at every effort. I ventured once more, + and with the desperation of a madman I threw down the hot liquid to its + last drop. My head reeled—my eyes glared—and my brain was on + fire. I thought I beheld fifty fat gentlemen galloping on every side of + me, and all the sky raining jackets in blue and yellow. Half mechanically + I took the reins, and put spurs to my horse; but before I got well away, a + loud cheer from the crowd assailed me. I turned, and saw the dun coming in + at a floundering gallop, covered with foam, and so dead blown that neither + himself nor the rider could have got twenty yards farther. The race was, + however, won. My odds were lost to every man on the field, and, worse than + all, I was so laughed at, that I could not venture out in the streets, + without hearing allusions to my misfortune; for a certain friend of mine, + one Tom O'Flaherty—" + </p> + <p> + "Tom of the 11th light dragoons?" + </p> + <p> + "The same—you know Tom, then? Maybe you have heard him mention me—Maurice + Malone?" + </p> + <p> + "Not Mr. Malone, of Fort Peak?" + </p> + <p> + "Bad luck to him. I am as well known in connexion with Fort Peak, as the + Duke is with Waterloo. There is not a part of the globe where he has not + told that confounded story." + </p> + <p> + As my readers may not possibly be all numbered in Mr. O'Flaherty's + acquaintance, I shall venture to give the anecdote which Mr. Malone + accounted to be so widely circulated. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch46" id="ch46"></a>CHAPTER XLVI. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + AN ADVENTURE IN CANADA. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + <a name="Mr._Malone_and_His_Friend" id="Mr._Malone_and_His_Friend">Mr. + Malone and His Friend</a> + </h3> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%;"> + <img alt="Ch 46 Mr Malone and Friend.jpg (70K)" + src="images/Ch%2046%20Mr%20Malone%20and%20Friend.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <a href="images2/Ch%2046%20Mr%20Malone%20and%20Friend.jpg">BLACK AND WHITE + IMAGE</a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + Towards the close of the last war with America, a small detachment of + military occupied the little block house of Fort Peak, which, about eight + miles from the Falls of Niagara, formed the last outpost on the frontier. + The Fort, in itself inconsiderable, was only of importance as commanding a + part of the river where it was practicable to ford, and where the easy + ascent of the bank offered a safe situation for the enemy to cross over, + whenever they felt disposed to carry the war into our territory. + </p> + <p> + There having been, however, no threat of invasion in this quarter, and the + natural strength of the position being considerable, a mere handful of + men, with two subaltern officers, were allotted for this duty—such + being conceived ample to maintain it till the arrival of succour from + head-quarters, then at Little York, on the opposite side of the lake. The + officers of this party were our old acquaintance Tom O'Flaherty, and our + newly-made one Maurice Malone. + </p> + <p> + Whatever may be the merits of commanding officers, one virtue they + certainly can lay small claim to—viz. any insight into character, or + at least any regard for the knowledge. Seldom are two men sent off on + detachment duty to some remote quarter, to associate daily and hourly for + months together, that they are not, by some happy chance, the very people + who never, as the phrase is, "took to each other" in their lives. The + grey-headed, weather-beaten, disappointed "Peninsular" is coupled with the + essenced and dandified Adonis of the corps; the man of literary tastes and + cultivated pursuits, with the empty headed, ill informed youth, fresh from + Harrow or Westminster. This case offered no exception to the rule; for + though there were few men possessed of more assimilating powers than + O'Flaherty, yet certainly his companion did put the faculty to the test, + for any thing more unlike him, there never existed. Tom all good humour + and high spirits—making the best of every thing—never + non-plussed—never taken aback—perfectly at home, whether + flirting with a Lady Charlotte in her drawing-room, or crossing a grouse + mountain in the highlands—sufficiently well read to talk on any + ordinary topic—and always ready-witted enough to seem more so. A + thorough sportsman, whether showing forth in the "park" at Melton, + whipping a trout-stream in Wales, or filling a country-house with black + cock and moor-fowl; an unexceptionable judge of all the good things in + life, from a pretty ancle to a well hung tilbury—from the odds at + hazard to the "Comet vintage." Such, in brief, was Tom. Now his confrere + was none of these; he had been drafted from the Galway militia to the + line, for some election services rendered by his family to the government + candidate; was of a saturnine and discontented habit; always miserable + about some trifle or other, and never at rest till he had drowned his + sorrows in Jamaica rum—which, since the regiment was abroad, he had + copiously used as a substitute for whiskey. To such an extent had this + passion gained upon him, that a corporal's guard was always in attendance + whenever he dined out, to convey him home to the barracks. + </p> + <p> + The wearisome monotony of a close garrison, with so ungenial a companion, + would have damped any man's spirits but O'Flaherty's. He, however, upon + this, as other occasions in life, rallied himself to make the best of it; + and by short excursions within certain prescribed limits along the river + side, contrived to shoot and fish enough to get through the day, and + improve the meagre fare of his mess-table. Malone never appeared before + dinner—his late sittings at night requiring all the following day to + recruit him for a new attack upon the rum bottle. + </p> + <p> + Now, although his seeing so little of his brother officer was any thing + but unpleasant to O'Flaherty, yet the ennui of such a life was gradually + wearing him, and all his wits were put in requisition to furnish + occupation for his time. Never a day passed without his praying ardently + for an attack from the enemy; any alternative, any reverse, had been a + blessing compared with his present life. No such spirit, however, seemed + to animate the Yankee troops; not a soldier was to be seen for miles + around, and every straggler that passed the Fort concurred in saying that + the Americans were not within four day's march of the frontier. + </p> + <p> + Weeks passed over, and the same state of things remaining unchanged, + O'Flaherty gradually relaxed some of his strictness as to duty; small + foraging parties of three and four being daily permitted to leave the Fort + for a few hours, to which they usually returned laden with wild turkeys + and fish—both being found in great abundance near them. + </p> + <p> + Such was the life of the little garrison for two or three long summer + months—each day so resembling its fellow, that no difference could + be found. + </p> + <p> + As to how the war was faring, or what the aspect of affairs might be, they + absolutely knew nothing. Newspapers never reached them; and whether from + having so much occupation at head-quarters, or that the difficulty of + sending letters prevented, their friends never wrote a line; and thus they + jogged on, a very vegetable existence, till thought at last was stagnating + in their brains, and O'Flaherty half envied his companion's resource in + the spirit flask. + </p> + <p> + Such was the state of affairs at the Fort, when one evening O'Flaherty + appeared to pace the little rampart that looked towards Lake Ontario, with + an appearance of anxiety and impatience strangely at variance with his + daily phlegmatic look. It seemed that the corporal's party he had + despatched that morning to forage, near the "Falls," had not returned, and + already were four hours later than their time away. + </p> + <p> + Every imaginable mode of accounting for their absence suggested itself to + his mind. Sometimes he feared that they had been attacked by the Indian + hunters, who were far from favourably disposed towards their poaching + neighbours. Then, again, it might be merely that they had missed their + track in the forest; or could it be that they had ventured to reach Goat + Island in a canoe, and had been carried down the rapids. Such were the + torturing doubts that passed as some shrill squirrel, or hoarse night owl + pierced the air with a cry, and then all was silent again. While thus the + hours went slowly by, his attention was attracted by a bright light in the + sky. It appeared as if part of the heavens were reflecting some strong + glare from beneath, for as he looked, the light, at first pale and + colourless, gradually deepened into a rich mellow hue, and at length, + through the murky blackness of the night, a strong clear current of flame + rose steadily upwards from the earth, and pointed towards the sky. From + the direction, it must have been either at the Falls, or immediately near + them; and now the horrible conviction flashed upon his mind that the party + had been waylaid by the Indians, who were, as is their custom, making a + war feast over their victims. + </p> + <p> + Not an instant was to be lost. The little garrison beat to arms; and, as + the men fell in, O'Flaherty cast his eyes around, while he selected a few + brave fellows to accompany him. Scarcely had the men fallen out from the + ranks, when the sentinel at the gate was challenged by a well-known voice, + and in a moment more the corporal of the foraging party was among them. + Fatigue and exhaustion had so overcome him, that for some minutes he was + speechless. At length he recover sufficiently to give the following brief + account:— + </p> + <p> + The little party having obtained their supply of venison above Queenston, + were returning to the Fort, when they suddenly came upon a track of feet, + and little experience in forest life soon proved that some new arrivals + had reached the hunting grounds, for on examining them closely, they + proved neither to be Indian tracks, nor yet those made by the shoes of the + Fort party. Proceeding with caution to trace them backwards for three or + four miles, they reached the bank of the Niagara river, above the + whirlpools, where the crossing is most easily effected from the American + side. The mystery was at once explained: it was a surprise party of the + Yankees, sent to attack Fort Peak; and now the only thing to be done was + to hasten back immediately to their friends, and prepare for their + reception. + </p> + <p> + With this intent they took the river path as the shortest, but had not + proceeded far when their fears were confirmed; for in a little embayment + of the bank they perceived a party of twenty blue coats, who, with their + arms piled, were lying around as if waiting for the hour of attack. The + sight of this party added greatly to their alarm, for they now perceived + that the Americans had divided their force—the foot-tracks first + seen being evidently those of another division. As the corporal and his + few men continued, from the low and thick brushwood, to make their + reconnaisance of the enemy, they observed with delight that they were not + regulars, but a militia force. With this one animating thought, they + again, with noiseless step, regained the forest, and proceeded upon their + way. Scarcely, however, had they marched a mile, when the sound of voices + and loud laughter apprised them that another party was near, which, as + well as they could observe in the increasing gloom, was still larger than + the former. They were now obliged to make a considerable circuit, and + advance still deeper into the forest—their anxiety hourly + increasing, lest the enemy should reach the Fort before themselves. In + this dilemma it was resolved that the party should separate—the + corporal determining to proceed alone by the river bank, while the others, + by a detour of some miles, should endeavour to learn the force of the + Yankees, and, as far as they could, their mode of attack. From that + instant the corporal knew no more; for, after two hours' weary exertion, + he reached the Fort, which, had it been but another mile distant, his + strength had not held out for him to attain. + </p> + <p> + However gladly poor O'Flaherty might have hailed such information under + other circumstances, now it came like a thunderbolt upon him. Six of his + small force were away, perhaps ere this made prisoners by the enemy; the + Yankees, as well as he could judge, were a numerous party; and he himself + totally without a single adviser—for Malone had dined, and was, + therefore, by this time in that pleasing state of indifference, in which + he could only recognise an enemy, in the man that did not send round the + decanter. + </p> + <p> + In the half indulged hope that his state might permit some faint exercise + of the reasoning faculty, O'Flaherty walked towards the small den they had + designated as the mess-room, in search of his brother officer. + </p> + <p> + As he entered the apartment, little disposed as he felt to mirth at such a + moment, the tableau before him was too ridiculous not to laugh at. At one + side of the fire-place sat Malone, his face florid with drinking, and his + eyeballs projecting. Upon his head was a small Indian skull cap, with two + peacock feathers, and a piece of scarlet cloth which hung down behind. In + one hand he held a smoking goblet of rum punch, and in the other a long, + Indian Chibook pipe. Opposite to him, but squatted upon the floor, reposed + a red Indian, that lived in the Fort as a guide, equally drunk, but + preserving, even in his liquor, an impassive, grave aspect, strangely + contrasting with the high excitement of Malone's face. The red man wore + Malone's uniform coat, which he had put on back foremost—his + head-dress having, in all probability been exchanged for it, as an + amicable courtesy between the parties. There they sat, looking fixedly at + each other; neither spoke, nor even smiled—the rum bottle, which at + brief intervals passed from one to the other, maintained a friendly + intercourse that each was content with. + </p> + <p> + To the hearty fit of laughing of O'Flaherty, Malone replied by a look of + drunken defiance, and then nodded to his red friend, who returned the + courtesy. As poor Tom left the room, he saw that nothing was to be hoped + for in this quarter, and determined to beat the garrison to arms without + any further delay. Scarcely had he closed the door behind him, when a + sudden thought flashed through his brain. He hesitated, walked forward a + few paces, stopped again, and calling out to the corporal, said— + </p> + <p> + "You are certain they were militia?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, sir; quite sure." + </p> + <p> + "Then, by Jove, I have it," cried O'Flaherty. "If they should turn out to + be the Buffalo fencibles, we may get through this scrape better than I + hoped for." + </p> + <p> + "I believe you are right, sir; for I heard one of the men as I passed + observe, 'what will they say in Buffalo when it's over?'." + </p> + <p> + "Send Mathers here, corporal; and do you order four rank and file, with + side-arms to be in readiness immediately." + </p> + <p> + "Mathers, you have heard the news," said O'Flaherty, as the sergeant + entered. "Can the Fort hold out against such a force as Jackson reports? + You doubt; well, so do I; so let's see what's to be done. Can you + remember, was it not the Buffalo militia that were so tremendously + thrashed by the Delawares last autumn?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, sir, they chased them for two days and nights, and had they not + reached the town of Buffalo, the Delawares would not have left a scalp in + the regiment." + </p> + <p> + "Can you recollect the chief's name—it was Carran—something, + eh?" + </p> + <p> + "Caudan-dacwagae." + </p> + <p> + "Exactly. Where is he supposed to be now?" + </p> + <p> + "Up in Detroit, sir, they say, but no one knows. Those fellows are here + to-day, and there to-morrow." + </p> + <p> + "Well then, sergeant, here's my plan." Saying these words, O'Flaherty + proceeded to walk towards his quarters, accompanied by the sergeant, with + whom he conversed for some time eagerly—occasionally replying, as it + appeared, to objections, and offering explanations as the other seemed to + require them. The colloquy lasted half an hour—and although the + veteran sergeant seemed difficult of conviction, it ended by his saying, + as he left the room, + </p> + <p> + "Well, sir, as you say, it can only come to hard knocks at worst. Here + goes—I'll send off the scout party to make the fires and choose the + men for the out picquets, for no time is to be lost." + </p> + <p> + In about an hour's time from the scene I have mentioned, a number of + militia officers, of different grades, were seated round a bivouac fire, + upon the bank of the Niagara river. The conversation seemed of an angry + nature, for the voices of the speakers were loud and irrascible, and their + gestures evidenced a state of high excitement. + </p> + <p> + "I see," said one, who seemed the superior of the party—"I see well + where this will end. We shall have another Queenston affair, as we had + last fall with the Delawares." + </p> + <p> + "I only say," replied another, "that if you wish our men to stand fire + to-morrow morning, the less you remind them of the Delawares the better. + What is that noise? Is not that a drum beating?" + </p> + <p> + The party at these words sprung to their legs, and stood in an attitude of + listening for some seconds. + </p> + <p> + "Who goes there?" sung out a sentinel from his post; and then, after a + moment's delay, added—"Pass flag of truce to Major Brown's + quarters." + </p> + <p> + Scarcely were the words spoken, when three officers in scarlet, preceded + by a drummer with a white flag, stood before the American party. + </p> + <p> + "To whom may I address myself?" said one of the British—who, I may + inform my reader, en passant, was no other than O'Flaherty—"To whom + may I address myself as the officer in command?" + </p> + <p> + "I am Major Brown," said a short, plethoric little man, in a blue uniform + and round hat—"And who are you?" + </p> + <p> + "Major O'Flaherty, of his majesty's fifth foot," said Tom, with a very + sonorous emphasis on each word—"the bearer of a flag of truce and an + amicable proposition from Major-General Allen, commanding the garrison of + Fort Peak." + </p> + <p> + The Americans, who were evidently taken by surprise at their intentions of + attack being known, were silent, while he continued— + </p> + <p> + "Gentlemen, it may appear somewhat strange that a garrison, possessing the + natural strength of a powerful position—supplied with abundant + ammunition and every muniment of war—should despatch a flag of truce + on the eve of an attack, in preference to waiting for the moment, when a + sharp and well-prepared reception might best attest its vigilance and + discipline. But the reasons for this step are soon explained. In the first + place, you intend a surprise. We have been long aware of your projected + attack. Our spies have tracked you from your crossing the river above the + whirlpool to your present position. Every man of your party is numbered by + us; and, what is still more, numbered by our allies —yes, gentlemen, + I must repeat it, 'allies'—though, as a Briton, I blush at the word. + Shame and disgrace for ever be that man's portion, who first associated + the honourable usages of war with the atrocious and bloody cruelties of + the savage. Yet so it is: the Delawares of the hills"—here the + Yankees exchanged very peculiar looks—"have this morning arrived at + Fort Peak, with orders to ravage the whole of your frontier, from Fort + George to Lake Erie. They brought us the information of your approach, and + their chief is, while I speak, making an infamous proposition, by which a + price is to paid for every scalp he produces in the morning. Now, as the + general cannot refuse to co-operate with the savages, without compromising + himself with the commander-in-chief, neither can he accept of such + assistance without some pangs of conscience. He has taken the only course + open to him: he has despatched myself and my brother officers here"—O'Flaherty + glanced at two privates dressed up in his regimentals—"to offer you + terms"— + </p> + <p> + O'Flaherty paused when he arrived thus far, expecting that the opposite + party would make some reply; but they continued silent: when suddenly, + from the dense forest, there rung forth a wild and savage yell, that rose + and fell several times, like the pibroch of the highlander, and ended at + last in a loud whoop, that was echoed and re-echoed again and again for + several seconds after. + </p> + <p> + "Hark!" said O'Flaherty, with an accent of horror—"Hark! the war-cry + of the Delawares! The savages are eager for their prey. May it yet be time + enough to rescue you from such a fate! Time presses—our terms are + these—as they do not admit of discussion, and must be at once + accepted or rejected, to your own ear alone can I impart them." + </p> + <p> + Saying which, he took Major Brown aside, and, walking apart from the + others, led him, by slow steps, into the forest. While O'Flaherty + continued to dilate upon the atrocities of Indian war, and the revengeful + character of the savages, he contrived to be always advancing towards the + river side, till at length the glare of a fire was perceptible through the + gloom. Major Brown stopped suddenly, and pointed in the direction of the + flame. + </p> + <p> + "It is the Indian picquet," said O'Flaherty, calmly; "and as the facts I + have been detailing may be more palpable to your mind, you shall see them + with your own eyes. Yes, I repeat it, you shall, through the cover of this + brushwood, see Caudan-dacwagae himself—for he is with them in + person." + </p> + <p> + As O'Flaherty said this, he led Major Brown, now speechless with terror, + behind a massive cork tree, from which spot they could look down upon the + river side, where in a small creek sat five or six persons in blankets, + and scarlet head-dresses; their faces streaked with patches of yellow and + red paint, to which the glare of the fire lent fresh horror. In the midst + sat one, whose violent gestures and savage cries gave him the very + appearance of a demon, as he resisted with all his might the efforts of + the others to restrain him, shouting like a maniac all the while, and + struggling to rise. + </p> + <p> + "It is the chief," said O'Flaherty; "he will wait no longer. We have + bribed the others to keep him quiet, if possible, a little time; but I see + they cannot succeed." + </p> + <p> + A loud yell of triumph from below interrupted Tom's speech. The infuriated + savage—who was no other than Mr. Malone—having obtained the + rum bottle, for which he was fighting with all his might—his temper + not being improved in the struggle by occasional admonitions from the red + end of a cigar, applied to his naked skin by the other Indians—who + were his own soldiers acting under O'Flaherty's orders. + </p> + <p> + "Now," said Tom, "that you have convinced yourself, and can satisfy your + brother officers, will you take your chance? or will you accept the + honoured terms of the General—pile your arms, and retreat beyond the + river before day-break? Your muskets and ammunition will offer a bribe to + the cupidity of the savage, and delay his pursuit till you can reach some + place of safety." + </p> + <p> + Major Brown heard the proposal in silence, and at last determined upon + consulting his brother officers. + </p> + <p> + "I have outstaid my time," said O'Flaherty, "but stop; the lives of so + many are at stake, I consent." Saying which, they walked on without + speaking, till they arrived where the others were standing around the + watch-fire. + </p> + <p> + As Brown retired to consult with the officers, Tom heard with pleasure how + much his two companions had worked upon the Yankees' fears, during his + absence, by details of the vindictive feelings of the Delawares, and their + vows to annihilate the Buffalo militia. + </p> + <p> + Before five minutes they had decided. Upon a solemn pledge from O'Flaherty + that the terms of the compact were to be observed as he stated them, they + agreed to march with their arms to the ford, where, having piled them, + they were to cross over, and make the best of their way home. + </p> + <p> + By sunrise the next morning, all that remained of the threatened attack on + Fort Peak, were the smouldering ashes of some wood fires—eighty + muskets piled in the fort—and the yellow ochre, and red stripes that + still adorned the countenance of the late Indian chief,—but now + snoring Lieutenant Maurice Malone. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch47" id="ch47"></a>CHAPTER XLVII. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + THE COURIER'S PASSPORT. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + A second night succeeded the long dreary day of the diligence, and the + only one agreeable reflection arose in the feeling that every mile + travelled, was diminishing the chance of pursuit, and removing me still + further from that scene of trouble and annoyance that was soon to furnish + gossip for Paris—under the title of "The Affaire O'Leary." + </p> + <p> + How he was ever to extricate himself from the numerous and embarrassing + difficulties of his position, gave me, I confess, less uneasiness than the + uncertainty of my own fortunes. Luck seemed ever to befriend him—me + it had always accompanied far enough through life to make its subsequent + desertion more painful. How far I should blame myself for this, I stopped + not to consider; but brooded over the fact in a melancholy and + discontented mood. The one thought uppermost in my mind was, how will Lady + Jane receive me—am I forgotten—or am I only remembered as the + subject of that unlucky mistake, when, under the guise of an elder son, I + was feted and made much of. What pretensions I had, without fortune, rank, + influence, or even expectations of any kind, to seek the hand of the most + beautiful girl of the day, with the largest fortune as her dowry, I dare + not ask myself—the reply would have dashed all my hopes, and my + pursuit would have at once been abandoned. "Tell the people you are an + excellent preacher," was the advice of an old and learned divine to a + younger and less experienced one—"tell them so every morning, and + every noon, and every evening, and at last they will begin to believe it." + So thought I. I shall impress upon the Callonbys that I am a most + unexceptionable "parti." Upon every occasion they shall hear it—as + they open their newspapers at breakfast—as they sip their soup at + luncheon—as they adjust their napkin at dinner—as they chat + over their wine at night. My influence in the house shall be unbounded—my + pleasures consulted—my dislikes remembered. The people in favour + with me shall dine there three times a-week—those less fortunate + shall be put into schedule A. My opinions on all subjects shall be a law—whether + I pronounce upon politics, or discuss a dinner: and all this I shall + accomplish by a successful flattery of my lady—a little bullying of + my lord—a devoted attention to the youngest sister—a special + cultivation of Kilkee—and a very "prononce" neglect of Lady Jane. + These were my half-waking thoughts, as the heavy diligence rumbled over + the pave into Nancy; and I was aroused by the door being suddenly jerked + open, and a bronzed face, with a black beard and moustache, being thrust + in amongst us. + </p> + <p> + "Your passports, Messieurs," as a lantern was held up in succession across + our faces, and we handed forth our crumpled and worn papers to the + official. + </p> + <p> + The night was stormy and dark—gusts of wind sweeping along, bearing + with them the tail of some thunder cloud—mingling their sounds with + a falling tile from the roofs, or a broken chimney-pot. The officer in + vain endeavoured to hold open the passports while he inscribed his name; + and just as the last scrawl was completed, the lantern went out. Muttering + a heavy curse upon the weather, he thrust them in upon us en masse, and, + banging the door to, called out to the conducteur, "en route." + </p> + <p> + Again we rumbled on, and, ere we cleared the last lamps of the town, the + whole party were once more sunk in sleep, save myself. Hour after hour + rolled by, the rain pattering upon the roof, and the heavy plash of the + horses' feet contributing their mournful sounds to the melancholy that was + stealing over me. At length we drew up at the door of a little auberge; + and, by the noise and bustle without, I perceived there was a change of + horses. Anxious to stretch my legs, and relieve, if even for a moment, the + wearisome monotony of the night, I got out and strode into the little + parlour of the inn. There was a cheerful fire in an open stove, beside + which stood a portly figure in a sheepskin bunta and a cloth travelling + cap, with a gold band; his legs were cased in high Russia leather boots, + all evident signs of the profession of the wearer, had even his haste at + supper not bespoke the fact that he was a government courier. + </p> + <p> + "You had better make haste with the horses, Antoine, if you don't wish the + postmaster to hear of it," said he, as I entered, his mouth filled with + pie crust and vin de Beaune, as he spoke. + </p> + <p> + A lumbering peasant, with a blouse, sabots, and a striped nightcap, + replied in some unknown patois; when the courier again said— + </p> + <p> + "Well, then, take the diligence horses; I must get on at all events; they + are not so presse, I'll be bound; besides it will save the gens-d'armes + some miles of a ride if they overtake them here." + </p> + <p> + "Have we another vise of our passports here, then?" said I, addressing the + courier, "for we have already been examined at Nancy?" + </p> + <p> + "Not exactly a vise," said the courier, eyeing me most suspiciously as he + spoke, and then continuing to eat with his former voracity. + </p> + <p> + "Then, what, may I ask, have we to do with the gens-d'armes?" + </p> + <p> + "It is a search," said the courier, gruffly, and with the air of one who + desired no further questioning. + </p> + <p> + I immediately ordered a bottle of Burgundy, and filling the large goblet + before him, said, with much respect, + </p> + <p> + "A votre bonne voyage, Monsier le Courier." + </p> + <p> + To this he at once replied, by taking off his cap and bowing politely as + he drank off the wine. + </p> + <p> + "Have we any runaway felon or a stray galerien among us?" said I, + laughingly, "that they are going to search us?" + </p> + <p> + "No, monsieur," said the courier; "but there has been a government order + to arrest a person on this road connected with the dreadful Polish plot, + that has just eclated at Paris. I passed a vidette of cavalry at Nancy, + and they will be up here in half an hour." + </p> + <p> + "A Polish plot! Why, I left Paris only two days ago, and never heard of + it." + </p> + <p> + "C'est bien possible, Monsieur? Perhaps, after all, it may only be an + affair of the police; but they have certainly arrested one prisoner at + Meurice, charged with this, as well as the attempt to rob Frascati, and + murder the croupier." + </p> + <p> + "Alas," said I, with a half-suppressed groan, "it is too true; that + infernal fellow O'Leary has ruined me, and I shall be brought back to + Paris, and only taken from prison to meet the open shame and ignominy of a + public trial." + </p> + <p> + What was to be done?—every moment was precious. I walked to the door + to conceal my agitation. All was dark and gloomy. The thought of escape + was my only one; but how to accomplish it! Every stir without suggested to + my anxious mind the approaching tread of horses—every rattle of the + harness seemed like the clink of accoutrements. + </p> + <p> + While I yet hesitated, I felt that my fate was in the balance. Concealment + where I was, was impossible; there were no means of obtaining horses to + proceed. My last only hope then rested in the courier; he perhaps might be + bribed to assist me at this juncture. Still his impression as to the + enormity of the crime imputed, might deter him; and there was no time for + explanation, if even he would listen to it. I returned to the room; he had + finished his meal, and was now engaged in all the preparations for + encountering a wet and dreary night. I hesitated; my fears that if he + should refuse my offers, all chance of my escape was gone, deterred me for + a moment. At length as he wound a large woollen shawl around his throat, + and seemed to have completed his costume, I summoned nerve for the effort, + and with as much boldness in my manner as I could muster, said— + </p> + <p> + "Monsieur le Courier, one word with you." I here closed the door, and + continued. "My fortunes—my whole prospects in life depend upon my + reaching Strasbourg by to-morrow night. You alone can be the means of my + doing so. Is there any price you can mention, for which you will render me + this service?—if so, name it." + </p> + <p> + "So then, Monsieur," said the Courier, slowly—"so, then, you are the—" + </p> + <p> + "You have guessed it," said I, interrupting. "Do you accept my proposal?" + </p> + <p> + "It is impossible," said he, "utterly impossible; for even should I be + disposed to run the risk on my own account, it would avail you nothing; + the first town we entered your passport would be demanded, and not being + vised by the minister to travel en courier, you would at once be detained + and arrested." + </p> + <p> + "Then am I lost," said I, throwing myself upon a chair; at the same + instant my passport, which I carried in my breast pocket, fell out at the + feet of the courier. He lifted it and opened it leisurely. So engrossed + was I by my misfortunes, that for some minutes I did not perceive, that as + he continued to read the passport, he smiled from time to time, till at + length a hearty fit of laughing awoke me from my abstraction. My first + impulse was to seize him by the throat; controlling my temper, however, + with an effort, I said— + </p> + <p> + "And pray, Monsieur, may I ask in what manner the position I stand in at + this moment affords you so much amusement? Is there any thing so + particularly droll—any thing so excessively ludicrous in my + situation—or what particular gift do you possess that shall prevent + me throwing you out of the window?" + </p> + <p> + "Mais, Monsieur," said he, half stifled with laughter, "do you know the + blunder I fell into? it is really too good. Could you only guess who I + took you for, you would laugh too." + </p> + <p> + Here he became so overcome with merriment, that he was obliged to sit + down, which he did opposite to me, and actually shook with laughter. + </p> + <p> + "When this comedy is over," thought I, "we may begin to understand each + other." Seeing no prospect of this, I became at length impatient, and + jumping on my legs, said— + </p> + <p> + "Enough, sir, quite enough of this foolery. Believe me, you have every + reason to be thankful that my present embarrassment should so far engross + me, that I cannot afford time to give you a thrashing." + </p> + <p> + "Pardon, mille pardons," said he humbly; "but you will, I am sure, forgive + me when I tell you that I was stupid enough to mistake you for the + fugitive Englishman, whom the gens-d'armes are in pursuit of. How good, + eh?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh! devilish good—but what do you mean?" + </p> + <p> + "Why, the fellow that caused the attack at Frascati, and all that, and—" + </p> + <p> + "Yes—well, eh? Did you think I was him?" + </p> + <p> + "To be sure I did, till I saw your passport." + </p> + <p> + "Till you saw my passport!" Why, what on earth can he mean? thought I. + "No, but," said I, half jestingly, "how could you make such a blunder?" + </p> + <p> + "Why, your confused manner—your impatience to get on—your + hurried questions, all convinced me. In fact, I'd have wagered any thing + you were the Englishman." + </p> + <p> + "And what, in heaven's name, does he think me now?" thought I, as I + endeavoured to join the laugh so ludicrous a mistake occasioned. + </p> + <p> + "But we are delaying sadly," said the courier. "Are you ready?" + </p> + <p> + "Ready?—ready for what?" + </p> + <p> + "To go on with me, of course. Don't you wish to get early to Strasbourg?" + </p> + <p> + "To be sure I do." + </p> + <p> + "Well, then, come along. But, pray, don't mind your luggage, for my + caleche is loaded. Your instruments can come in the diligence." + </p> + <p> + "My instruments in the diligence! He's mad—that's flat." + </p> + <p> + "How they will laugh at Strasbourg at my mistake." + </p> + <p> + "That they will," thought I. "The only doubt is, will you join in the + merriment?" + </p> + <p> + So saying, I followed the courier to the door, jumped into his caleche, + and in another moment was hurrying over the pave at a pace that defied + pursuit, and promised soon to make up for all our late delay. Scarcely was + the fur-lined apron of the caleche buttoned around me, and the German + blinds let down, when I set to work to think over the circumstance that + had just befallen me. As I had never examined my passport from the moment + Trevanion handed it to me in Paris, I knew nothing of its contents; + therefore, as to what impression it might convey of me, I was totally + ignorant. To ask the courier for it now might excite suspicion; so that I + was totally at sea how to account for his sudden change in my favour, or + in what precise capacity I was travelling beside him. Once, and once only, + the thought of treachery occurred to me. Is he about to hand me over to + the gens-d'armes? and are we now only retracing our steps towards Nancy? + If so, Monsieur le Courier, whatever be my fate, your's is certainly an + unenviable one. My reflections on this head were soon broken in upon, for + my companion again returned to the subject of his "singular error," and + assured me that he was as near as possible leaving me behind, under the + mistaken impression of my being "myself;" and informed me that all + Strasbourg would be delighted to see me, which latter piece of news was + only the more flattering, that I knew no one there, nor had ever been in + that city in my life; and after about an hour's mystification as to my + tastes, habits, and pursuits, he fell fast asleep, leaving me to solve the + difficult problem as to whether I was not somebody else, or the only + alternative—whether travelling en courier might not be prescribed by + physicians as a mode of treating insane patients. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch48" id="ch48"></a>CHAPTER XLVIII. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + A NIGHT IN STRASBOURG. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + <a name="Lorrequers_Debut_at_Strasburg" id="Lorrequers_Debut_at_Strasburg">Lorrequer's + Debut at Strasburg</a> + </h3> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%;"> + <img alt="Ch 48 Lorrequer's Debut at Strasburg.jpg (81K)" + src="images/Ch%2048%20Lorrequers%20Debut%20at%20Strasburg.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <a href="images2/Ch%2048%20Lorrequers%20Debut%20at%20Strasburg.jpg">BLACK + AND WHITE IMAGE</a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + With the dawn of day my miseries recommenced; for after letting down the + sash, and venting some very fervent imprecations upon the postillion for + not going faster than his horses were able, the courier once more recurred + to his last night's blunder, and proceeded very leisurely to catechise me + as to my probable stay at Strasbourg, when I should go from there, As I + was still in doubt what or whom he took me for, I answered with the + greatest circumspection—watching, the while, for any clue that might + lead me to a discovery of myself. Thus, occasionally evading all pushing + and home queries, and sometimes, when hard pressed, feigning drowsiness, I + passed the long and anxious day—the fear of being overtaken ever + mingling with the thoughts that some unlucky admission of mine might + discover my real character to the courier, who, at any post station, might + hand me over to the authorities. Could I only guess at the part I am + performing, thought I, and I might manage to keep up the illusion; but my + attention was so entirely engrossed by fencing off all his threats, that I + could find out nothing. At last, as night drew near, the thought that we + were approaching Strasbourg rallied my spirits, suggesting an escape from + all pursuit, as well as the welcome prospect of getting rid of my present + torturer, who, whenever I awoke from a doze, reverted to our singular + meeting with a pertinacity that absolutely seemed like malice. + </p> + <p> + "As I am aware that this is your first visit to Strasbourg," said the + courier, "perhaps I can be of service to you in recommending a hotel. Put + up, I advise you, at the 'Bear'—a capital hotel, and not ten + minutes' distance from the theatre." + </p> + <p> + I thanked him for the counsel; and, rejoicing in the fact that my + prototype, whoever he might be, was unknown in the city, began to feel + some little hope of getting through this scrape, as I had done so many + others. + </p> + <p> + "They have been keeping the 'Huguenots' for your arrival, and all + Strasbourg is impatient for your coming." + </p> + <p> + "Indeed!" said I, mumbling something meant to be modest. "Who the devil am + I, then, to cause all this fracas? Heaven grant, not the new 'prefect,' or + the commander of the forces." + </p> + <p> + "I am told the 'Zauberflotte' is your favourite opera?" + </p> + <p> + "I can't say that I ever heard it—that is, I mean that I could say—well + got up." + </p> + <p> + Here I floundered on having so far forgot myself as to endanger every + thing. + </p> + <p> + "How very unfortunate! Well, I hope you will not long have as much to say. + Meanwhile, here we are—this is the 'Bear.'" + </p> + <p> + We rattled into the ample porte cochere of a vast hotel—the + postillion cracking his enormous whip, and bells ringing on every side, as + if the crown prince of Russia had been the arrival, and not a poor sub. in + the __th. + </p> + <p> + The courier jumped out, and running up to the landlord, whispered a few + words in his ear, to which the other answered by a deep "ah, vraiment!" + and then saluted me with an obsequiousness that made my flesh quake. + </p> + <p> + "I shall make 'mes hommages' in the morning," said the courier, as he + drove off at full speed to deliver his despatches, and left me to my own + devices to perform a character, without even being able to guess what it + might be. My passport, too, the only thing that could throw any light upon + the affair, he had taken along with him, promising to have it vised, and + save me any trouble. + </p> + <p> + Of all my difficulties and puzzling situations in life, this was certainly + the worst; for however often my lot had been to personate another, yet + hitherto I had had the good fortune to be aware of what and whom I was + performing. Now I might be any body from Marshal Soult to Monsieur Scribe; + one thing only was certain, I must be a "celebrity." The confounded pains + and trouble they were taking to receive me, attested that fact, and left + me to the pleasing reflection that my detection, should it take place, + would be sure of attracting a very general publicity. Having ordered my + supper from the landlord, with a certain air of reserve, sufficient to + prevent even an Alsace host from obtruding any questions upon me, I took + my opportunity to stroll from the inn down to the river side. There lay + the broad, rapid Rhine, separating me, by how narrow a gulph, from that + land, where, if I once arrived, my safety was certain. Never did that + great boundary of nations strike me so forcibly, as now when my own petty + interests and fortunes were at stake. Night was fast settling upon the low + flat banks of the stream, and nothing stirred, save the ceaseless ripple + of the river. One fishing barque alone was on the water. I hailed the + solitary tenant of it, and after some little parley, induced him to ferry + me over. This, however, could only be done when the night was farther + advanced—it being against the law to cross the river except at + certain hours, and between two established points, where officers of the + revenue were stationed. The fisherman was easily bribed, however, to evade + the regulation, and only bargained that I should meet him on the bank + before daybreak. Having settled this point to my satisfaction, I returned + to my hotel in better spirits; and with a Strasbourg pate, and a flask of + Nierensteiner, drank to my speedy deliverance. + </p> + <p> + How to consume the long, dreary hours between this time and that of my + departure, I knew not; for though greatly fatigued, I felt that sleep was + impossible; the usual resource of a gossip with the host was equally out + of the question; and all that remained was the theatre, which I happily + remembered was not far from the hotel. + </p> + <p> + It was an opera night, and the house was crowded to excess; but with some + little management, I obtained a place in a box near the stage. The piece + was "Les Franc Macons," which was certainly admirably supported, and drew + down from the audience—no mean one as judges of music—the + loudest thunders of applause. As for me, the house was a great a curiosity + as the opera. The novel spectacle of some hundred (thousand?) people + relishing and appreciating the highest order of musical genius, was + something totally new and surprising to me. The curtain at length fell + upon the fifth act. + </p> + <p> + And now the deafening roar of acclamation was tremendous; and amid a + perfect shout of enthusiasm, the manager announced the opera for the + ensuing evening. Scarcely had this subsided, when a buzz ran through the + house; at first subdued, but gradually getting louder—extending from + the boxes to the balcone—from the balcone to the parterre—and + finally even to the galleries. Groups of people stood upon the benches, + and looked fixedly in one part of the house; then changed and regarded as + eagerly the other. + </p> + <p> + What can this mean? thought I. Is the theatre on fire? Something surely + has gone wrong! + </p> + <p> + In this conviction, with the contagious spirit of curiosity, I mounted + upon a seat, and looked about me on every side; but unable still to catch + the object which seemed to attract the rest, as I was about to resume my + place, my eyes fell upon a well-known face, which in an instant I + remembered was that of my late fellow-traveller the courier. Anxious to + avoid his recognition, I attempted to get down at once; but before I could + accomplish it, the wretch had perceived and recognised me; and I saw him, + even with a gesture of delight, point me out to some friends beside him. + </p> + <p> + "Confound the fellow," muttered I; "I must leave this at once, or I shall + be involved in some trouble." + </p> + <p> + Scarcely was my my resolve taken, when a new burst of voices arose from + the pit—the words "l'Auteur," "l'Auteur," mingling with loud cries + for "Meerberger," "Meerberger," to appear. So, thought I, it seems the + great composer is here. Oh, by Jove! I must have a peep at him before I + go. So, leaning over the front rail of the box, I looked anxiously about + to catch one hasty glimpse of one of the great men of his day and country. + What was my surprise, however, to perceive that about two thousand eyes + were firmly rivetted upon the box I was seated in; while about half the + number of tongues called out unceasingly, "Mr. Meerberger—vive + Meerberger—vive l'Auteur des Franc Macons—vive Franc Macons," + Before I could turn to look for the hero of the scene, my legs were taken + from under me, and I felt myself lifted by several strong men and held out + in front of the box, while the whole audience, rising en masse, saluted me—yes, + me, Harry Lorrequer—with a cheer that shook the building. Fearful of + precipitating myself into the pit beneath, if I made the least effort, and + half wild with terror and amazement, I stared about like a maniac, while a + beautiful young woman tripped along the edge of the box, supported by her + companion's hand, and placed lightly upon my brow a chaplet of roses and + laurel. Here the applause was like an earthquake. + </p> + <p> + "May the devil fly away with half of ye," was my grateful response, to as + full a cheer of applause as ever the walls of the house re-echoed to. + </p> + <p> + "On the stage—on the stage!" shouted that portion of the audience + who, occupying the same side of the house as myself, preferred having a + better view of me; and to the stage I was accordingly hurried, down a + narrow stair, through a side scene, and over half the corps de ballet who + were waiting for their entree. Kicking, plunging, buffetting like a + madman, they carried me to the "flats," when the manager led me forward to + the foot lights, my wreath of flowers contrasting rather ruefully with my + bruised cheeks and torn habiliments. Human beings, God be praised, are + only capable of certain efforts—so that one-half the audience were + coughing their sides out, while the other were hoarse as bull-frogs from + their enthusiasm in less than five minutes. + </p> + <p> + "You'll have what my friend Rooney calls a chronic bronchitis for this, + these three weeks," said I, "that's one comfort," as I bowed my way back + to the "practicable" door, through which I made my exit, with the thousand + faces of the parterre shouting my name, or, as fancy dictated, that of one + of "my" operas. I retreated behind the scenes, to encounter very nearly as + much, and at closer quarters, too, as that lately sustained before the + audience. After an embrace of two minutes duration from the manager, I ran + the gauntlet from the prima donna to the last triangle of the orchestra, + who cut away a back button of my coat as a "souvenir." During all this, I + must confess, very little acting was needed on my part. They were so + perfectly contented with their self-deception, that if I had made an + affidavit before the mayor—if there be such a functionary in such an + insane town—they would not have believed me. Wearied and exhausted + at length, by all I had gone through, I sat down upon a bench, and, + affecting to be overcome by my feelings, concealed my face in my + handkerchief. This was the first moment of relief I experienced since my + arrival; but it was not to last long, for the manager, putting down his + head close to my ear, whispered— + </p> + <p> + "Monsieur Meerberger, I have a surprise for you—such as you have not + had for some time, I venture to say"— + </p> + <p> + "I defy you on this head," thought I. "If they make me out king Solomon + now, it will not amaze me"— + </p> + <p> + "And when I tell you my secret," continued he, "you will acknowledge I + cannot be of a very jealous disposition. Madame Baptiste has just told me + she knew you formerly, and that—she—that is, you—were—in + fact, you understand—there had been—so to say—a little + 'amourette' between you." + </p> + <p> + I groaned in spirit as I thought, now am I lost without a chance of escape—the + devil take her reminiscences. + </p> + <p> + "I see," continued le bon mari, "you cannot guess of whom I speak; but + when I tell you of Amelie Grandet, your memory will, perhaps, be better." + </p> + <p> + "Amelie Grandet!" said I, with a stage start. I need not say that I had + never heard the name before. "Amelie Grandet here!" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, that she is," said the manager, rubbing his hands; "and my wife, + too"— + </p> + <p> + "Married!—Amelie Grandet married! No, no; it is impossible—I + cannot believe it. But were it true—true, mark me—for worlds + would I not meet her." + </p> + <p> + "Comment il est drole," said the manager, soliloquising aloud; "for my + wife takes it much easier, seeing they never met each other since they + were fifteen." + </p> + <p> + "Ho, ho!" thought I, "the affair is not so bad either—time makes + great changes in that space." "And does she still remember me?" said I, in + a very Romeo-in-the-garden voice. + </p> + <p> + "Why, so far as remembering the little boy that used to play with her in + the orchard at her mother's cottage near Pirna, and with whom she used to + go boating upon the Elbe, I believe the recollection is perfect. But come + along—she insists upon seeing you, and is this very moment waiting + supper in our room for you." + </p> + <p> + "A thorough German she must be," thought I, "with her sympathies and her + supper—her reminiscences and her Rhine wine hunting in couples + through her brain." + </p> + <p> + Summoning courage from the fact of our long absence from each other, I + followed the manager through a wilderness of pavilions, forests, clouds + and cataracts, and at length arrived at a little door, at which he knocked + gently. + </p> + <p> + "Come in," said a soft voice inside. We opened, and beheld a very + beautiful young woman, in Tyrolese costume. She was to perform in the + afterpiece—her low boddice and short scarlet petticoat displaying + the most perfect symmetry of form and roundness of proportion. She was + dressing her hair before a low glass as we came in, and scarcely turned at + our approach; but in an instant, as if some sudden thought had struck her, + she sprung fully round, and looking at me fixedly for above a minute—a + very trying one for me—she glanced at her husband, whose countenance + plainly indicated that she was right, and calling out, "C'est lui—c'est + bien lui," threw herself into my arms, and sobbed convulsively. + </p> + <p> + "If this were to be the only fruits of my impersonation," thought I, "it + is not so bad—but I am greatly afraid these good people will find + out a wife and seven babies for me before morning." + </p> + <p> + Whether the manager thought that enough had been done for stage effect, I + know not; but he gently disengaged the lovely Amelie, and deposited her + upon a sofa, to a place upon which she speedily motioned me by a look from + a pair of very seducing blue eyes. + </p> + <p> + "Francois, mon cher, you must put off La Chaumiere. I can't play + to-night." + </p> + <p> + "Put it off! But only think of the audience, ma mie—they will pull + down the house." + </p> + <p> + "C'est possible," said she, carelessly. "If that give them any pleasure, I + suppose they must be indulged; but I, too, must have a little of my own + way. I shall not play." + </p> + <p> + The tone this was said in—the look—the easy gesture of command—no + less than the afflicted helplessness of the luckless husband, showed me + that Amelie, however docile as a sweetheart, had certainly her own way as + wife. + </p> + <p> + While Le cher Francois then retired, to make his proposition to the + audience, of substituting something for the Chaumiere—the "sudden + illness of Madame Baptiste having prevented her appearance,"—we + began to renew our old acquaintance, by a thousand inquiries from that + long-past time, when we were sweethearts and lovers. + </p> + <p> + "You remember me then so well?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "As of yesterday. You are much taller, and your eyes darker; but still—there + is something. You know, however, I have been expecting to see you these + two days; and tell me frankly how do you find me looking?" + </p> + <p> + "More beautiful, a thousand times more beautiful than ever—all save + in one thing, Amelie." + </p> + <p> + "And that is—" + </p> + <p> + "You are married." + </p> + <p> + "How you jest. But let us look back. Do you ever think on any of our old + compacts?" Here she pulled a leaf from a rose bud in her bouquet, and + kissed it. "I wager you have forgotten that." + </p> + <p> + How I should have replied to this masonic sign, God knows; but the manager + fortunately entered, to assure us that the audience had kindly consented + not to pull down the house, but to listen to a five act tragedy instead, + in which he had to perform the principal character. "So, then, don't wait + supper, Amelie; but take care of Monsieur Meerberger till my return." + </p> + <p> + Thus, once more were we left to our souvenirs, in which, whenever hard + pushed myself, I regularly carried the war into the enemy's camp, by + allusions to incidents, which I need not observe had never occurred. After + a thousand stories of our early loves, mingled with an occasional sigh + over their fleeting character—now indulging a soft retrospect of the + once happy past—now moralising on the future—Amelie and I + chatted away the hours till the conclusion of the tragedy. + </p> + <p> + By this time, the hour was approaching for my departure; so, after a very + tender leave-taking with my new friend and my old love, I left the + theatre, and walked slowly along to the river. + </p> + <p> + "So much for early associations," thought I; "and how much better pleased + are we ever to paint the past according to our own fancy, than to remember + it as it really was. Hence all the insufferable cant about happy infancy, + and 'the glorious schoolboy days,' which have generally no more foundation + in fact than have the 'Chateaux en Espagne' we build up for the future. I + wager that the real Amant d'enfance, when he arrives, is not half so great + a friend with the fair Amelie as his unworthy shadow. At the same time, I + had just as soon that Lady Jane should have no 'premiers amours' to look + back upon, except such as I have performed a character in." + </p> + <p> + The plash of oars near me broke up my reflections, and the next moment + found me skimming the rapid Rhine, as I thought for the last time. What + will they say in Strasbourg to-morrow? How will they account for the + mysterious disappearance of Monsieur Meerberger? Poor Amelie Grandet! For + so completely had the late incidents engrossed my attention, that I had + for the moment lost sight of the most singular event of all—how I + came to be mistaken for the illustrious composer. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch49" id="ch49"></a>CHAPTER XLIX. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + A SURPRISE. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + It was late upon the following day ere I awoke from the long deep sleep + that closed my labours in Strasbourg. In the confusion of my waking + thoughts, I imagined myself still before a crowded and enthusiastic + audience—the glare of the foot-lights—the crash of the + orchestra—the shouts of "l'Auteur," "l'Auteur," were all before me, + and so completely possessed me, that, as the waiter entered with hot + water, I could not resist the impulse to pull off my night-cap with one + hand, and press the other to my heart in the usual theatrical style of + acknowledgments for a most flattering reception. The startled look of the + poor fellow as he neared the door to escape, roused me from my + hallucination, and awakened me to the conviction that the suspicion of + lunacy might be a still heavier infliction than the personation of + Monsieur Meerberger. + </p> + <p> + With thoughts of this nature, I assumed my steadiest demeanour—ordered + my breakfast in the most orthodox fashion—eat it like a man in his + senses; and when I threw myself back in the wicker conveniency they call a + caleche, and bid adieu to Kehl, the whole fraternity of the inn would have + given me a certificate of sanity before any court in Europe. + </p> + <p> + "Now for Munich," said I, as we rattled along down the steep street of the + little town. "Now for Munich, with all the speed that first of postmasters + and slowest of men, the Prince of Tour and Taxis, will afford us." + </p> + <p> + The future engrossed all my thoughts; and puzzling as my late adventures + had been to account for, I never for a moment reverted to the past. "Is + she to be mine?" was the ever-rising question in my mind. The thousand + difficulties that had crossed my path might long since have terminated a + pursuit where there was so little of promise, did I not cherish the idea + in my heart, that I was fated to succeed. Sheridan answered the ribald + sneers of his first auditory, by saying, "Laugh on; but I have it in me, + and by ____ it shall come out." So I whispered to myself:—Go on + Harry. Luck has been hitherto against you, it is true; but you have yet + one throw of the dice, and something seems to say, a fortunate one in + store; and, if so——, but I cannot trust myself with such + anticipations. I am well aware how little the world sympathises with the + man whose fortunes are the sport of his temperament—that April-day + frame of mind is ever the jest and scoff of those hardier and sterner + natures, who, if never overjoyed by success, are never much depressed by + failure. That I have been cast in the former mould, these Confessions + have, alas! plainly proved; but that I regret it, I fear also, for my + character for sound judgment, I must answer "No." + </p> + <table summary=""> + <tr> + <td> + Better far to be<br /> In utter darkness lying,<br /> Than be blest with + light, and see<br /> That light for ever flying<br /> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + <p> + is, doubtless, very pretty poetry, but very poor philosophy. For myself + —and some glimpses of sunshine this fair world has afforded me, + fleeting and passing enough, in all conscience—and yet I am not so + ungrateful as to repine at my happiness, because it was not permanent, as + I am thankful for those bright hours of "Love's young dream," which, if + nothing more, are at least delightful souvenirs. They form the golden + thread in the tangled web of our existence, ever appearing amid the darker + surface around, and throwing a fair halo of brilliancy on what, without + it, were cold, bleak, and barren. No, no— The light that lies<br /> + In woman's eyes, + </p> + <p> + were it twice as fleeting—as it is ten times more brilliant—than + the forked lightning, irradiates the dark gloom within us for many a long + day after it has ceased to shine upon us. As in boyhood it is the + humanizing influence that tempers the fierce and unruly passions of our + nature, so in manhood it forms the goal to which all our better and higher + aspirations tend, telling us there is something more worthy than gold, and + a more lofty pinnacle of ambition than the praise and envy of our + fellow-men; and we may rest assured, that when this feeling dies within + us, that all the ideal of life dies with it, and nothing remains save the + dull reality of our daily cares and occupations. "I have lived and have + loved," saith Schiller; and if it were not that there seems some tautology + in the phrase, I should say, such is my own motto. If Lady Jane but prove + true—if I have really succeeded—if, in a word—but why + speculate upon such chances?—what pretensions have I?—what + reasons to look for such a prize? Alas! and alas! were I to catechise + myself too closely, I fear that my horses' heads would face towards + Calais, and that I should turn my back upon the only prospect of happiness + I can picture to myself in this world. In reflections such as these, the + hours rolled over, and it was already late at night when we reached the + little village of Merchem. While fresh horses were being got ready, I + seized the occasion to partake of the table d'hote supper of the inn, at + the door of which the diligence was drawn up. Around the long, and not + over-scrupulously clean table, sat the usual assemblage of a German + "Eilwagen"—smoking, dressing salad, knitting, and occasionally + picking their teeth with their forks, until the soup should make its + appearance. Taking my place amid this motley assemblage of mustachioed + shopkeepers and voluminously-petticoated frows, I sat calculating how long + human patience could endure such companionship, when my attention was + aroused by hearing a person near me narrate to his friend the + circumstances of my debut at Strasbourg, with certain marginal notes of + his own that not a little surprised me. + </p> + <p> + "And so it turned out not to be Meerberger, after all,": said the + listener. + </p> + <p> + "Of course not," replied the other. "Meerberger's passport was stolen from + him in the diligence by this English escroc, and the consequence was, that + our poor countryman was arrested, the other passport being found upon him; + while the Englishman, proceeding to Strasbourg, took his benefit at the + opera, and walked away with above twelve thousand florins. + </p> + <p> + "Sappermint" said the other, tossing off his beer. "He must have been a + clever fellow, though, to lead the orchestra in the Franc Macons." + </p> + <p> + "That is the most astonishing part of all; for they say in Strasbourg that + his performance upon the violin was far finer than Paganini's; but there + seems some secret in it, after all: for Madame Baptiste swears that he is + Meerberger; and in fact the matter is far from being cleared up—nor + can it be till he is apprehended." + </p> + <p> + "Which shall not be for some time to come," said I to myself, as, slipping + noiselessly from the room, I regained my "caleche," and in ten minutes + more was proceeding on my journey. So much for correct information, + thought I. One thing, however, is certain—to the chance interchange + of passports I owe my safety, with the additional satisfaction that my + little German acquaintance is reaping a pleasant retribution for all his + worry and annoyance of me in the coupe. + </p> + <p> + Only he who has toiled over the weary miles of a long journey—exclusively + occupied with one thought—one overpowering feeling—can + adequately commiserate my impatient anxiety as the days rolled slowly over + on the long tiresome road that leads from the Rhine to the south of + Germany. + </p> + <p> + The morning was breaking on the fourth day of my journey as the tall + spires of Munich rose to my view, amid the dull and arid desert of sand + that city is placed in. At last! was my exclamation as the postilion + tapped at the window with his whip, and then pointed towards the city. At + last! Oh! what would be the extacy of my feelings now could I exchange the + torturing anxieties of suspense for the glorious certainty my heart throbs + for; now my journey is nearing its end to see me claim as my own what I + now barely aspire to in the sanguine hope of a heart that will not + despair. But cheer up, Harry. It is a noble stake you play for; and it is + ever the bold gambler that wins. Scarcely was this reflection made half + aloud, when a sudden shock threw me from my seat. I fell towards the door, + which, bursting open, launched me out upon the road, at the same moment + that the broken axletree of the caleche had upset it on the opposite side, + carrying one horse along with it, and leaving the other with the + postillion on his back, kicking and plunging with all his might. After + assisting the frightened fellow to dismount, and having cut the traces of + the restive animal, I then perceived that in the melee I had not escaped + scatheless. I could barely stand; and, on passing my hand upon my instep, + perceived I had sprained my ancle in the fall. The day was only breaking, + no one was in sight, so that after a few minutes' consideration, the best + thing to do, appeared to get the other horse upon his legs, and + despatching the postillion to Munich, then about three leagues distant, + for a carriage, wait patiently on the road-side for his return. No sooner + was the resolve made than carried into execution; and in less than a + quarter of an hour from the moment of the accident, I was seated upon the + bank, watching the retiring figure of the postillion, as he disappeared + down a hill, on his way to Munich. When the momentary burst of impatience + was over, I could not help congratulating myself, that I was so far + fortunate in reaching the end of my journey ere the mischance befell me. + Had it occurred at Stuttgard I really think that it would have half driven + me distracted. + </p> + <p> + I was not long in my present situation till a number of peasants, with + broad-brimmed hats, and many-buttoned coats, passed on their way to work; + they all saluted me respectfully; but although they saw the broken + carriage, and might well guess at the nature of my accident, yet not one + ever thought of proffering his services, or even indulging curiosity, by + way of inquiry. "How thoroughly German," thought I; "these people are the + Turks of Europe, stupified with tobacco and 'starkes bier.' They have no + thought for any thing but themselves, and their own immediate + occupations." Perceiving at length one whose better dress and more + intelligent look bespoke a rank above the common, I made the effort with + such "platt deutsch," as I could muster, to ask if there were any house + near, where I could remain till the postillion's return? and learned + greatly to my gratification, that by taking the path which led through a + grove of pine trees near me, I should find a chateau; but who was the + proprietor he knew not; indeed the people were only newly come, and he + believed were foreigners. English he thought. Oh, how my heart jumped as I + said, "can they be the Callonbys; are they many in family; are there + ladies—young ladies, among them?"—he knew not. Having hastily + arranged with my new friend to watch the carriage till my return, I took + the path he showed me, and smarting with pain at every step, hurried along + as best I could towards the chateau. I had not walked many minutes, when a + break in the wood gave me a view of the old mansion, and at once dispelled + the illusion that was momentarily gaining upon me. "They could not be the + Callonbys." The house was old; and though it had once been a fine and + handsome structure, exhibited now abundant traces of decay; the rich + cornices which supported the roof had fallen in many places, and lay in + fragments upon the terrace beneath; the portico of the door was half + tumbling; and the architraves of the windows were broken and dismantled; + the tall and once richly ornamented chimnies, were bereft of all their + tracery, and stood bolt upright in all their nakedness above the high + pitched roof. A straggling "jet d'eau" was vigorously fighting its way + amid a mass of creeping shrubs and luxuriant lichens that had grown around + and above a richly carved fountain, and fell in a shower of sparkling dew + upon the rank grass and tall weeds around. The gentle murmur was the only + sound that broke the stillness of the morning. + </p> + <p> + A few deities in lead and stone, mutilated and broken, stood like the + Genii loci, guarding the desolation about them, where an old, + superannuated peacock, with dropping, ragged tail was the only living + thing to be seen. All bespoke the wreck of what once was great and noble, + and all plainly told me that such could not be the abode of the Callonbys. + </p> + <p> + Half doubting that the house were inhabited, and half scrupling if so to + disturb its inmates from their rest, I sat down upon the terrace steps and + fell into a fit of musing on the objects about. That strange propensity of + my countrymen to settle down in remote and unfrequented spots upon the + continent, had never struck me so forcibly; for although unquestionably + there were evident traces of the former grandeur of the place, yet it was + a long past greatness; and in the dilapidated walls, broken statues, weed + grown walls, and dark and tangled pine grove, there were more hints for + sadness than I should willingly surround myself by in a residence. The + harsh grating of a heavy door behind roused me; I turned and beheld an old + man in a species of tarnished and worm-eaten livery, who, holding the + door, again gazed at me with a mingled expression of fear and curiosity. + Having briefly explained the circumstances which had befallen me, and + appealed to the broken caleche upon the road to corroborate a testimony + that I perceived needed such aid, the old man invited me to enter, saying + that his master and mistress were not risen, but that he would himself + give me some breakfast, of which by this time I stood much in want. The + room into which I was ushered, corresponded well with the exterior of the + house. It was large, bleak, and ill furnished; the ample, uncurtained + windows; the cold, white pannelled walls; the uncarpeted floor; all giving + it an air of uninhabitable misery. A few chairs of the Louis-quatorze + taste, with blue velvet linings, faded and worn, a cracked marble table + upon legs that once had been gilt; two scarcely detectable portraits of a + mail-clad hero and a scarcely less formidable fair, with a dove upon her + wrist, formed the principal articles of furniture in the dismal abode, + where so "triste" and depressing did every thing appear, that I half + regretted the curiosity that had tempted me from the balmy air, and + cheerful morning without, to the gloom and solitude around me. + </p> + <p> + The old man soon re-appeared with a not despicable cup of "Cafe noir," and + a piece of bread as large as a teaspoon, and used by the Germans pretty + much in the same way. As the adage of the "gift horse" is of tolerably + general acceptation, I eat and was thankful, mingling my acknowledgments + from time to time with some questions about the owners of the mansion, + concerning whom I could not help feeling curious. The ancient servitor, + however, knew little or nothing of those he served; his master was the + honourable baron; but of his name he was ignorant; his mistress was young; + they had not been many months there; they knew no one—had no + visitors—he had heard they were English, but did not know it + himself; they were "Gute leute," "good people," and that was enough for + him. How strange did all this seem, that two people, young, too, should + separate themselves from all the attractions and pleasures of the world, + and settle down in the dark and dreary solitude, where every association + was of melancholy, every object a text for sad reflections. Lost in these + thoughts I sat down beside the window, and heeded not the old man as he + noiselessly left the room. My thoughts ran on over the strange phases in + which life presents itself, and how little after all external influences + have to do with that peace of mind whose origin is within. The Indian, + whose wigwam is beside the cataract, heeds not its thunders, nor feels its + sprays as they fall in everlasting dews upon him; the Arab of the desert + sees no bleakness in those never ending plains, upon whose horizon his eye + has rested from childhood to age. Who knows but he who inhabits this + lonely dwelling may have once shone in the gay world, mixing in its + follies, tasting of its fascination; and to think that now —the low + murmurs of the pine tops, the gentle rustle of the water through the rank + grass, and my own thoughts combining, overcame me at length, and I slept—how + long I know not; but when I awoke, certain changes about showed me that + some length of time had elapsed; a gay wood fire was burning on the + hearth; an ample breakfast covered the table; and the broadsheet of the + "Times" newspaper was negligently reposing in the deep hollow of an arm + chair. Before I had well thought how to apologize for the cool insouciance + of my intrusion, the door opened, and a tall, well built man entered; his + shooting jacket and gaiters were evidence of his English origin, while a + bushy moustache and most ample "Henri quatre" nearly concealed features, + that still were not quite unknown to me; he stopped, looked steadily at + me, placed a hand on either shoulder, and calling out, "Harry—Harry + Lorrequer, by all that's glorious!" rushed from the room in a transport of + laughter. + </p> + <p> + If my escape from the gallows depended upon my guessing my friend, I + should have submitted to the last penalty of the law; never was I so + completely nonplussed. Confound him what does he mean by running away in + that fashion. It would serve him right were I to decamp by one of the + windows before he comes back; but hark! some one is approaching. + </p> + <p> + "I tell you I cannot be mistaken," said the man's voice from without. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, impossible!" said a lady-like accent that seemed not heard by me for + the first time. + </p> + <p> + "Judge for yourself; though certainly the last time you saw him may + confuse your memory a little." + </p> + <p> + "What the devil does he mean by that?" said I, as the door opened, and a + very beautiful young woman came forward, who, after a moment's hesitation, + called out— + </p> + <p> + "True, indeed, it is Mr. Lorrequer, but he seems to have forgotten me." + </p> + <p> + The eyes, the lips, the tone of the voice, were all familiar. What! can it + be possible? Her companion who had now entered, stood behind her, holding + his sides with ill-suppressed mirth; and at length called out— + </p> + <p> + "Harry, my boy, you scarcely were more discomposed the last morning we + parted, when the yellow plush—" + </p> + <p> + "By Jove it is," said I, as I sprang forward, and seizing my fair friend + in my arms, saluted upon both cheeks my quondam flame, Miss Kamworth, now + the wife of my old friend Jack Waller, of whom I have made due mention in + an early chapter of these Confessions. + </p> + <p> + Were I given a muster roll of my acquaintance to say which of them might + inhabit this deserted mansion, Jack Waller would certainly have been the + last I should have selected—the gay, lively, dashing, high-spirited + Jack, fond of society, dress, equipage, living greatly in the world, known + to and liked by every body, of universal reputation. Did you want a + cavalier to see your wife through a crush at the opera, a friend in a + duel, a rider for your kicking horse in a stiff steeple chase, a bow oar + for your boat at a rowing match, Jack was your man. Such then was my + surprise at finding him here, that although there were many things I + longed to inquire about, my first question was— + </p> + <p> + "And how came you here?" + </p> + <p> + "Life has its vicissitudes," replied Jack, laughing; "many stranger things + have come to pass than my reformation. But first of all let us think of + breakfast; you shall have ample satisfaction for all your curiosity + afterwards." + </p> + <p> + "Not now, I fear; I am hurrying on to Munich." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, I perceive; but you are aware that—your friends are not there." + </p> + <p> + "The Callonbys not at Munich!" said I, with a start. + </p> + <p> + "No; they have been at Saltzburgh, in the Tyrol, for some weeks; but don't + fret yourself, they are expected to-morrow in time for the court + masquerade; so that until then at least you are my guest." + </p> + <p> + Overjoyed at this information, I turned my attention towards madame, whom + I found much improved; the embonpoint of womanhood had still farther + increased the charms of one who had always been handsome; and I could not + help acknowledging that my friend Jack was warrantable in any scheme for + securing such a prize. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch50" id="ch50"></a>CHAPTER L. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + JACK WALLER'S STORY. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + The day passed quickly over with my newly-found friends, whose curiosity + to learn my adventures since we parted, anticipated me in my wish to learn + theirs. After an early dinner, however, with a fresh log upon the hearth, + a crusty flask of red hermitage before us, Jack and I found ourselves + alone and at liberty to speak freely together. + </p> + <p> + "I scarcely could have expected such would be our meeting, Jack," said I, + "from the way we last parted." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, by Jove, Harry; I believe I behaved but shabbily to you in that + affair; but 'Love and War,' you know; and besides we had a distinct + agreement drawn up between us." + </p> + <p> + "All true; and after all you are perhaps less to blame than my own + miserable fortune that lies in wait to entrap and disappoint me at every + turn in life. Tell me what do you know of the Callonbys?" + </p> + <p> + "Nothing personally; we have met them at dinner, a visit passed + subsequently between us, 'et voila tout;' they have been scenery hunting, + picture hunting, and all that sort of thing since their arrival; and + rarely much in Munich; but how do you stand there? to be or not to be—eh?" + </p> + <p> + "That is the very question of all others I would fain solve; and yet am in + most complete ignorance of all about it; but the time approaches which + must decide all. I have neither temper nor patience for further + contemplation of it; so here goes; success to the Enterprize." + </p> + <p> + "Or," said Jack, tossing off his glass at the moment, "or, as they would + say in Ireland, 'your health and inclinations, if they be virtuous.'" + </p> + <p> + "And now, Jack, tell me something of your own fortunes since the day you + passed me in the post-chaise and four." + </p> + <p> + "The story is soon told. You remember that when I carried off Mary, I had + no intention of leaving England whatever: my object was, after making her + my wife, to open negociations with the old colonel, and after the approved + routine of penitential letters, imploring forgiveness, and setting forth + happiness only wanting his sanction to make it heaven itself, to have + thrown ourselves at his feet 'selon les regles,' sobbed, blubbered, blew + our noses, and dressed for dinner, very comfortable inmates of that + particularly snug residence, 'Hydrabad Cottage.' Now Mary, who behaved + with great courage for a couple of days, after that got low-spirited and + depressed; the desertion of her father, as she called it, weighed upon her + mind, and all my endeavours to rally and comfort her, were fruitless and + unavailing. Each day, however, I expected to hear something of, or from, + the colonel, that would put an end to this feeling of suspense; but no—three + weeks rolled on, and although I took care that he knew of our address, we + never received any communication. You are aware that when I married, I + knew Mary had, or was to have, a large fortune; and that I myself had not + more than enough in the world to pay the common expenses of our wedding + tour. My calculation was this —the reconciliation will possibly, + what with delays of post—distance—and deliberation, take a + month—say five weeks—now, at forty pounds per week, that makes + exactly two hundred pounds—such being the precise limit of my + exchequer, when blessed with a wife, a man, and a maid, three imperials, a + cap-case, and a poodle, I arrived at the Royal Hotel, in Edinburgh. Had I + been Lord Francis Egerton, with his hundred thousand a year, looking for a + new 'distraction,' at any price; or still more—were I a London + shopkeeper, spending a Sunday in Boulogne sur Mer, and trying to find out + something expensive, as he had only one day to stay, I could not have more + industriously sought out opportunities for extravagance, and each day + contrived to find out some two or three acquaintances to bring home to + dinner. And as I affected to have been married for a long time, Mary felt + less genee among strangers, and we got on famously; still the silence of + the colonel weighed upon her mind, and although she partook of none of my + anxieties from that source, being perfectly ignorant of the state of my + finances, she dwelt so constantly upon this subject, that I at length + yielded to her repeated solicitations, and permitted her to write to her + father. Her letter was a most proper one; combining a dutiful regret for + leaving her home, with the hope that her choice had been such as to excuse + her rashness, or, at least, palliate her fault. It went to say, that her + father's acknowledgment of her, was all she needed or cared for, to + complete her happiness, and asking for his permission to seek it in + person. This was the substance of the letter, which upon the whole, + satisfied me, and I waited anxiously for the reply. At the end of five + days the answer arrived. It was thus:— + </p> + <blockquote> + <blockquote> + <p> + "'Dear Mary, + </p> + <p> + "'You have chosen your own path in life, and having done so, I have + neither the right nor inclination to interfere with your decision; I + shall neither receive you, nor the person you have made your husband; + and to prevent any further disappointment, inform you that, as I leave + this to-morrow, any future letters you might think proper to address, + will not reach me. + </p> + <p> + "'Yours very faithful,<br /> C. Kamworth, Hydrabad Cottage.' + </p> + </blockquote> + </blockquote> + <p> + "This was a tremendous coup, and not in the least anticipated by either of + us; upon me the effect was stunning, knowing, as I did, that our + fast-diminishing finances were nearly expended. Mary on the other hand, + who neither knew nor thought of the exchequer, rallied at once from her + depression, and after a hearty fit of crying, dried her eyes, and putting + her arm round my neck, said: + </p> + <p> + "'Well, Jack, I must only love you the more, since papa will not share any + of my affection.' + </p> + <p> + "'I wish he would his purse though,' muttered I, as I pressed her in my + arms, and strove to seem perfectly happy. + </p> + <p> + "I shall not prolong my story by dwelling upon the agitation this letter + cost me; however, I had yet a hundred pounds left, and an aunt in + Harley-street, with whom I had always been a favourite. This thought, the + only rallying one I possessed, saved me for the time; and as fretting was + never my forte, I never let Mary perceive that any thing had gone wrong, + and managed so well in this respect, that my good spirits raised her's, + and we set out for London one fine sunshiny morning, as happy a looking + couple as ever travelled the north road. + </p> + <p> + "When we arrived at the 'Clarendon,' my first care was to get into a cab, + and drive to Harley-street. I rung the bell; and not waiting to ask if my + aunt was at home, I dashed up stairs to the drawing-room; in I bolted, and + instead of the precise old Lady Lilford, sitting at her embroidery, with + her fat poodle beside her, beheld a strapping looking fellow, with a black + moustache, making fierce love to a young lady on a sofa beside him. + </p> + <p> + "'Why, how is this—I really—there must be some mistake here.' + In my heart I knew that such doings in my good aunt's dwelling were + impossible. + </p> + <p> + "'I should suspect there is, sir,' drawled out he of the moustache, as he + took a very cool survey of me, through his glass. + </p> + <p> + "'Is Lady Lilford at home, may I ask,' said I, in a very apologetic tone + of voice. + </p> + <p> + "'I haven't the honor of her ladyship's acquaintance,' replied he in a + lisp, evidently enjoying my perplexity, which was every moment becoming + more evident. + </p> + <p> + "'But this is her house,' said I, 'at least—' + </p> + <p> + "'Lady Lilford is at Paris, sir,' said the young lady, who now spoke for + the first time. 'Papa has taken the house for the season, and that may + perhaps account for your mistake.' + </p> + <p> + "What I muttered by way of apology for my intrusion, I know not; but I + stammered—the young lady blushed—the beau chuckled, and turned + to the window, and when I found myself in the street, I scarcely knew + whether to laugh at my blunder, or curse my disappointment. + </p> + <p> + "The next morning I called upon my aunt's lawyer, and having obtained her + address in Paris, sauntered to the 'Junior Club,' to write her a letter + before post hour. As I scanned over the morning papers, I could not help + smiling at the flaming paragraph which announced my marriage, to the only + daughter and heiress of the Millionaire, Colonel Kamworth. Not well + knowing how to open the correspondence with my worthy relative, I folded + the paper containing the news, and addressed it to 'Lady Lilford, Hotel de + Bristol, Paris.' + </p> + <p> + "When I arrived at the 'Clarendon,' I found my wife and her maid + surrounded by cases and band-boxes; laces, satins and velvets were + displayed on all sides, while an emissary from 'Storr and Mortimer' was + arranging a grand review of jewellery on a side table, one half of which + would have ruined the Rajah of Mysore, to purchase. My advice was + immediately called into requisition; and pressed into service, I had + nothing left for it, but to canvass, criticise, and praise, between times, + which I did, with a good grace, considering that I anticipated the + 'Fleet,' for every flounce of Valenciennes lace; and could not help + associating a rich diamond aigrette, with hard labour for life, and the + climate of New South Wales. The utter abstraction I was in, led to some + awkward contre temps; and as my wife's enthusiasm for her purchases + increased, so did my reverie gain ground. + </p> + <p> + "'Is it not beautiful, Jack?—how delicately worked—it must + have taken a long time to do it.' + </p> + <p> + "'Seven years,' I muttered, as my thoughts ran upon a very different + topic. + </p> + <p> + "'Oh, no—not so much,' said she laughing; 'and it must be such a + hard thing to do.' + </p> + <p> + "'Not half so hard as carding wool, or pounding oyster shells.' + </p> + <p> + "'How absurd you are. Well, I'll take this, it will look so well in—' + </p> + <p> + "'Botany Bay,' said I, with a sigh that set all the party laughing, which + at last roused me, and enabled me to join in the joke. + </p> + <p> + "As, at length, one half of the room became filled with millinery, and the + other glittered with jewels and bijouterie, my wife grew weary with her + exertions, and we found ourselves alone. + </p> + <p> + "When I told her that my aunt had taken up her residence in Paris, it + immediately occurred to her, how pleasant it would be to go there too; + and, although I concurred in the opinion for very different reasons, it + was at length decided we should do so; and the only difficulty now existed + as to the means, for although the daily papers teem with 'four ways to go + from London to Paris;' they all resolved themselves into one, and that + one, unfortunately to me, the most difficult and impracticable—by + money. + </p> + <p> + "There was, however, one last resource open—the sale of my + commission. I will not dwell upon what it cost me to resolve upon this—the + determination was a painful one, but it was soon come to, and before + five-o'clock that day, Cox and Greenwood had got their instructions to + sell out for me, and had advanced a thousand pounds of the purchase. Our + bill settled—the waiters bowing to the ground (it is your ruined man + that is always most liberal)—the post-horses harnessed, and + impatient for the road, I took my place beside my wife, while my valet + held a parasol over the soubrette in the rumble, all in the approved + fashion of those who have an unlimited credit with Coutts and Drummond; + the whips cracked, the leaders capered, and with a patronizing bow to the + proprietor of the 'Clarendon,' away we rattled to Dover. + </p> + <p> + "After the usual routine of sea sickness, fatigue, and poisonous cookery, + we reached Paris on the fifth day, and put up at the 'Hotel de Londres,' + Place Vendome. + </p> + <p> + "To have an adequate idea of the state of my feelings as I trod the + splendid apartments of this princely Hotel, surrounded by every luxury + that wealth can procure, or taste suggest, you must imagine the condition + of a man, who is regaled with a sumptuous banquet on the eve of his + execution. The inevitable termination to all my present splendour, was + never for a moment absent from my thoughts, and the secrecy with which I + was obliged to conceal my feelings, formed one of the greatest sources of + my misery. The coup, when it does come, will be sad enough, and poor Mary + may as well have the comfort of the deception, as long as it lasts, + without suffering as I do. Such was the reasoning by which I met every + resolve to break to her the real state of our finances, and such the frame + of mind in which I spent my days at Paris, the only really unhappy ones I + can ever charge my memory with. + </p> + <p> + "We had scarcely got settled in the hotel, when my aunt, who inhabited the + opposite side of the 'Place,' came over to see us and wish us joy. She had + seen the paragraph in the Post, and like all other people with plenty of + money, fully approved a match like mine. + </p> + <p> + "She was delighted with Mary, and despite the natural reserve of the old + maiden lady, became actually cordial, and invited us to dine with her that + day, and every succeeding one we might feel disposed to do so. So far so + well, thought I, as I offered her my arm to see her home; but if she knew + of what value even this small attention is to us, am I quite so sure she + would offer it?—however, no time is to be lost; I cannot live in + this state of hourly agitation; I must make some one the confidant of my + sorrows, and none so fit as she who can relieve as well as advise upon + them. Although such was my determination, yet somehow I could not pluck up + courage for the effort. My aunt's congratulations upon my good luck, made + me shrink from the avowal; and while she ran on upon the beauty and grace + of my wife, topics I fully concurred in, I also chimed in with her + satisfaction at the prudential and proper motives which led to the match. + Twenty times I was on the eve of interrupting her, and saying, 'But, + madam, I am a beggar—my wife has not a shilling—I have + absolutely nothing—her father disowns us—my commission is + sold, and in three weeks, the 'Hotel de Londres' and the 'Palais Royale,' + will be some hundred pounds the richer, and I without the fare of a cab, + to drive me to the Seine to drown myself.' + </p> + <p> + "Such were my thoughts; but whenever I endeavoured to speak them, some + confounded fulness in my throat nearly choked me; my temples throbbed, my + hands trembled, and whether it was shame, or the sickness of despair, I + cannot say; but the words would not come, and all that I could get out was + some flattery of my wife's beauty, or some vapid eulogy upon my own + cleverness in securing such a prize. To give you in one brief sentence an + idea of my state, Harry—know, then, that though loving Mary with all + my heart and soul, as I felt she deserved to be loved, fifty times a day I + would have given my life itself that you had been the successful man, on + the morning I carried her off, and that Jack Waller was once more a + bachelor, to see the only woman he ever loved, the wife of another. + </p> + <p> + "But, this is growing tedious, Harry, I must get over the ground faster; + two months passed over at Paris, during which we continued to live at the + 'Londres,' giving dinners, soirees, dejeuners, with the prettiest equipage + in the 'Champs Elysees,' we were quite the mode; my wife, which is rare + enough for an Englishwoman, knew how to dress herself. Our evening parties + were the most recherche things going, and if I were capable of partaking + of any pleasure in the eclat, I had my share, having won all the pigeon + matches in the Bois de Boulegard, and beat Lord Henry Seymour himself in a + steeple chase. The continual round of occupation in which pleasure + involves a man, is certainly its greatest attraction—reflection is + impossible—the present is too full to admit any of the past, and + very little of the future; and even I, with all my terrors awaiting me, + began to feel a half indifference to the result in the manifold cares of + my then existence. To this state of fatalism, for such it was becoming, + had I arrived, when the vision was dispelled in a moment, by a visit from + my aunt, who came to say, that some business requiring her immediate + presence in London, she was to set out that evening, but hoped to find us + in Paris on her return. I was thunderstruck at the news, for, although as + yet I had obtained no manner of assistance from the old lady, yet, I felt + that her very presence was a kind of security to us, and that in every + sudden emergency, she was there to apply to. My money was nearly expended, + the second and last instalment of my commission was all that remained, and + much of even that I owed to trades-people. I now resolved to speak out—the + worst must be known, thought I, in a few days—and now or never be + it. So saying, I drew my aunt's arm within my own, and telling her that I + wished a few minutes conversation alone, led her to one of the less + frequented walks in the Tuilleries gardens. When we had got sufficiently + far to be removed from all listeners, I began then—'my dearest aunt, + what I have suffered in concealing from you so long, the subject of my + present confession, will plead as my excuse in not making you sooner my + confidante.' When I had got thus far, the agitation of my aunt was such, + that I could not venture to say more for a minute or two. At length, she + said, in a kind of hurried whisper, 'go on;' and although then I would + have given all I possessed in the world to have continued, I could not + speak a word. + </p> + <p> + "'Dear John, what is it, any thing about Mary—for heavens sake + speak.' + </p> + <p> + "'Yes,' dearest aunt, 'it is about Mary, and entirely about Mary.' + </p> + <p> + "'Ah, dear me, I feared it long since; but then, John, consider she is + very handsome—very much admired—and—' + </p> + <p> + "'That makes it all the heavier, my dear aunt—the prouder her + present position, the more severely will she feel the reverse.' + </p> + <p> + "'Oh, but surely, John, your fears must exaggerate the danger.' + </p> + <p> + "'Nothing of the kind—I have not words to tell you—' + </p> + <p> + "'Oh dear, oh dear, don't say so,' said the old lady blushing, 'for though + I have often remarked a kind of gay flirting manner she has with men—I + am sure she means nothing by it—she is so young—and so—' + </p> + <p> + "I stopped, stepped forward, and looking straight in my aunt's face, broke + out into a fit of laughter, that she, mistaking for hysterical from its + violence, nearly fainted upon the spot. + </p> + <p> + "As soon as I could sufficiently recover gravity to explain to my aunt her + mistake, I endeavoured to do so, but so ludicrous was the contre temps, + and so ashamed the old lady for her gratuitous suspicions, that she would + not listen to a word, and begged me to return to her hotel. Such an + unexpected turn to my communication routed all my plans, and after a very + awkward silence of some minutes on both sides, I mumbled something about + our expensive habits of life, costly equipage, number of horses, , and + hinted at the propriety of retrenchment. + </p> + <p> + "'Mary rides beautifully,' said my aunt, drily.' + </p> + <p> + "'Yes, but my dear aunt, it was not exactly of that I was going to speak, + for in fact—' + </p> + <p> + "Oh John,' said she, interrupting—'I know your delicacy too well to + suspect; but, in fact, I have myself perceived what you allude to, and + wished very much to have some conversation with you on the subject.' + </p> + <p> + "'Thank God,' said I to myself, 'at length, we understand each other—and + the ice is broken at last.' + </p> + <p> + "'Indeed, I think I have anticipated your wish in the matter; but as time + presses, and I must look after all my packing, I shall say good by for a + few weeks, and in the evening, Jepson, who stays here, will bring you, + "what I mean," over to your hotel; once more, then, good by.' + </p> + <p> + "'Good by, my dearest, kindest friend,' said I, taking a most tender adieu + of the old lady. 'What an excellent creature she is,' said I, half aloud, + as I turned towards home—'how considerate, how truly kind—to + spare me too all the pain of explanation.' Now I begin to breathe once + more. 'If there be a flask of Johannisberg in the "Londres," I'll drink + your health this day, and so shall Mary;' so saying, I entered the hotel + with a lighter heart, and a firmer step than ever it had been my fortune + to do hitherto. + </p> + <p> + "'We shall miss the old lady, I'm sure, Mary, she is so kind.' + </p> + <p> + "'Oh! indeed she is; but then, John, she is such a prude.' + </p> + <p> + "Now I could not help recurring in my mind to some of the conversation in + the Tuilleries garden, and did not feel exactly at ease. + </p> + <p> + "'Such a prude, and so very old-fashioned in her notions.' + </p> + <p> + "'Yes, Mary,' said I, with more gravity than she was prepared for, 'she is + a prude; but I am not certain that in foreign society, where less + liberties are tolerated than in our country, if such a bearing be not + wiser.' What I was going to plunge into, heaven knows, for the waiter + entered at the moment, and presenting me with a large and carefully sealed + package, said, 'de la part de mi ladi Lilfore,'—'but stay, here + comes, if I am not mistaken, a better eulogy upon my dear aunt, than any I + can pronounce.' + </p> + <p> + "How heavy it is, said I to myself, balancing the parcel in my hand. + 'There is no answer,' said I, aloud to the waiter, who stood as if + expecting one. + </p> + <p> + "'The servant wishes to have some acknowledgment in writing, sir, that it + has been delivered into your own hands.' + </p> + <p> + "Jepson entered,—'well, George, your parcel is all right, and here + is a Napoleon to drink my health.' + </p> + <p> + "Scarcely had the servants left the room, when Mary, whose curiosity was + fully roused, rushed over, and tried to get the packet from me; after a + short struggle, I yielded, and she flew to the end of the room, and + tearing open the seals, several papers fell to the ground; before I could + have time to snatch them up, she had read some lines written on the + envelope, and turning towards me, threw her arms around my neck, and said, + 'yes Jack, she is, indeed, all you have said; look here,' I turned and + read—with what feeling I leave to you to guess—the following:— + </p> + <blockquote> + <blockquote> + <p> + "'Dear Nephew and Niece, + </p> + <p> + "'The enclosed will convey to you, with my warmest wishes for your + happiness, a ticket on the Francfort Lottery, of which I inclose the + scheme. I also take the opportunity of saying that I have purchased + the Hungarian pony for Mary—which we spoke of this morning. It + is at Johnston's stable, and will be delivered on sending for it.' + </p> + </blockquote> + </blockquote> + <p> + "'Think of that, Jack, the Borghese poney, with the silky tail; mine—Oh! + what a dear good old soul; it was the very thing of all others I longed + for, for they told me the princess had refused every offer for it.' + </p> + <p> + "While Mary ran on in this strain, I sat mute and stupified; the sudden + reverse my hopes had sustained, deprived me, for a moment, of all thought, + and it was several minutes before I could rightly take in the full extent + of my misfortunes. + </p> + <p> + "How that crazy old maid, for such, alas, I called her to myself now, + could have so blundered all my meaning—how she could so palpably + have mistaken, I could not conceive; what a remedy for a man overwhelmed + with debt—a ticket in a German lottery, and a cream-coloured pony, + as if my whole life had not been one continued lottery, with every day a + blank; and as to horses, I had eleven in my stables already. Perhaps she + thought twelve would read better in my schedule, when I, next week, + surrendered as insolvent. + </p> + <p> + "Unable to bear the delight, the childish delight of Mary, on her new + acquisition, I rushed out of the house, and wandered for several hours in + the Boulevards. At last I summoned up courage to tell my wife. I once more + turned towards home, and entered her dressing-room, where she was having + her hair dressed for a ball at the Embassy. My resolution failed me—not + now thought I—to-morrow will do as well—one night more of + happiness for her and then—I looked on with pleasure and pride, as + ornament after ornament, brilliant with diamonds and emeralds, shone in + her hair, and upon her arms, still heightened her beauty, and lit up with + a dazzling brilliancy her lovely figure.—But it must come—and + whenever the hour arrives—the reverse will be fully as bitter; + besides I am able now—and when I may again be so, who can tell—now + then be it, said I, as I told the waiting-maid to retire; and taking a + chair beside my wife, put my arm round her. + </p> + <p> + "'There, John dearest, take care; don't you see you'll crush all that + great affair of Malines lace, that Rosette has been breaking her heart to + manage this half hour.' + </p> + <p> + "'Et puis,' said I. + </p> + <p> + "'Et puis. I could not go to the ball, naughty boy. I am bent on great + conquest to-night; so pray don't mar such good intentions.' + </p> + <p> + "'And you should be greatly disappointed were you not to go?' + </p> + <p> + "'Of course I should; but what do you mean; is there any reason why I + should not? You are silent, John—speak—oh speak—has any + thing occurred to my—' + </p> + <p> + "'No, no, dearest—nothing that I know has occurred to the Colonel.' + </p> + <p> + "'Well then, who is it? Oh tell me at once.' + </p> + <p> + "'Oh, my dear, there is no one in the case but ourselves;' so saying, + despite the injunction about the lace, I drew her towards me, and in as + few words, but as clearly as I was able, explained all our circumstances + —my endeavour to better them—my hopes—my fears—and + now my bitter disappointment, if not despair. + </p> + <p> + "The first shock over, Mary showed not only more courage, but more sound + sense than I could have believed. All the frivolity of her former + character vanished at the first touch of adversity; just as of old, Harry, + we left the tinsel of our gay jackets behind, when active service called + upon us for something more sterling. She advised, counselled, and + encouraged me by turns; and in half an hour the most poignant regret I had + was in not having sooner made her my confidante, and checked the progress + of our enormous expenditure somewhat earlier. + </p> + <p> + "I shall not now detain you much longer. In three weeks we sold our + carriages and horses, our pictures, (we had begun this among our other + extravagances,) and our china followed; and under the plea of health set + out for Baden; not one among our Paris acquaintances ever suspecting the + real reason of our departure, and never attributing any monied + difficulties to us—for we paid our debts. + </p> + <p> + "The same day we left Paris, I despatched a letter to my aunt, explaining + fully all about us, and suggesting that as I had now left the army for + ever, perhaps she would interest some of her friends—and she has + powerful ones—to do something for me. + </p> + <p> + "After some little loitering on the Rhine, we fixed upon Hesse Cassel for + our residence. It was very quiet—very cheap. The country around + picturesque, and last but not least, there was not an Englishman in the + neighbourhood. The second week after our arrival brought us letters from + my aunt. She had settled four hundred a year upon us for the present, and + sent the first year in advance; promised us a visit as soon as we were + ready to receive her; and pledged herself not to forget when an + opportunity of serving me should offer. + </p> + <p> + "From that moment to this," said Jack, "all has gone well with us. We + have, it is true, not many luxuries, but we have no wants, and better + still, no debts. The dear old aunt is always making us some little present + or other; and somehow I have a kind of feeling that better luck is still + in store; but faith, Harry, as long as I have a happy home, and a warm + fireside, for a friend when he drops in upon me, I scarcely can say that + better luck need be wished for." + </p> + <p> + "There is only one point, Jack, you have not enlightened me upon, how came + you here? You are some hundred miles from Hesse, in your present chateau." + </p> + <p> + "Oh! by Jove, that was a great omission in my narrative; but come, this + will explain it; see here"—so saying, he drew from a little drawer a + large lithographic print of a magnificent castellated building, with + towers and bastions, keep, moat, and even draw-bridge, and the walls + bristled with cannon, and an eagled banner floated proudly above them. + </p> + <p> + "What in the name of the Sphynxes is this?" + </p> + <p> + "There," said Jack, "is the Schloss von Eberhausen; or, if you like it in + English, Eberhausen Castle, as it was the year of the deluge; for the + present mansion that we are now sipping our wine in bears no very close + resemblance to it. But to make the mystery clear, this was the great prize + in the Francfort lottery, the ticket of which my aunt's first note + contained, and which we were fortunate enough to win. We have only been + here a few weeks, and though the affair looks somewhat meagre, we have + hopes that in a little time, and with some pains, much may be done to make + it habitable. There is a capital chasses of some hundred acres; plenty of + wood and innumerable rights, seignorial, memorial, , which, fortunately + for my neighbours, I neither understand nor care for; and we are therefore + the best friends in the world. Among others I am styled the graf or count—." + </p> + <p> + "Well, then, Monsieur Le Comte, do you intend favouring me with your + company at coffee this evening; for already it is ten o'clock; and + considering my former claim upon Mr. Lorrequer, you have let me enjoy very + little of his society." + </p> + <p> + We now adjourned to the drawing-room, where we gossipped away till past + midnight; and I retired to my room, meditating over Jack's adventures, and + praying in my heart, that despite all his mischances, my own might end as + happily. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch51" id="ch51"></a>CHAPTER LI. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + MUNICH. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + The rest and quietness of the preceding day had so far recovered me from + the effects of my accident, that I resolved, as soon as breakfast was + over, to take leave of my kind friends, and set out for Munich. + </p> + <p> + "We shall meet to-night, Harry," said Waller, as we parted—"we shall + meet at the Casino—and don't forget that the Croix Blanche is your + hotel; and Schnetz, the tailor, in the Grande Place, will provide you with + every thing you need in the way of dress." + </p> + <p> + This latter piece of information was satisfactory, inasmuch as the greater + part of my luggage, containing my uniform, , had been left in the French + diligence; and as the ball was patronised by the court, I was greatly + puzzled how to make my appearance. + </p> + <p> + Bad roads and worse horses made me feel the few leagues I had to go the + most tiresome part of my journey. But, of course, in this feeling + impatience had its share. A few hours more, and my fate should be decided; + and yet I thought the time would never come. If the Callonbys should not + arrive—if, again, my evil star be in the ascendant, and any new + impediment to our meeting arise—but I cannot, will not, think this—Fortune + must surely be tired of persecuting me by this time, and, even to sustain + her old character for fickleness, must befriend me now. Ah! here we are in + Munich—and this is the Croix Blanche—what a dingy old mansion! + Beneath a massive porch, supported by heavy stone pillars, stood the stout + figure of Andreas Behr, the host. A white napkin, fastened in one + button-hole, and hanging gracefully down beside him—a soup-ladle + held sceptre-wise in his right hand, and the grinding motion of his nether + jaw, all showed that he had risen from his table d'hote to welcome the new + arrival; and certainly, if noise and uproar might explain the phenomenon, + the clatter of my equipage over the pavement might have risen the dead. + <br /><br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + <a href="images2/00a%20The%20Inn%20at%20Munich.jpg"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%;"> + <img alt="00a The Inn at Munich.jpg" + src="images/00a%20The%20Inn%20at%20Munich.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + While my postillion was endeavouring, by mighty efforts, with a heavy + stone, to turn the handle of the door, and thus liberate me from my cage, + I perceived that the host came forward and said something to him—on + replying, to which, he ceased his endeavours to open the door, and looked + vacantly about him. Upon this I threw down the sash, and called out— + </p> + <p> + "I say, is not this the Croix Blanche?" + </p> + <p> + "Ya," said the man-mountain with the napkin. + </p> + <p> + "Well, then, open the door, pray—I'm going to stop here." + </p> + <p> + "Nein." + </p> + <p> + "No! What do you mean by that? Has not Lord Callonby engaged rooms here?" + </p> + <p> + "Ya." + </p> + <p> + "Well, then, I am a particular friend of his, and will stay here also." + </p> + <p> + "Nein." + </p> + <p> + "What the devil are you at, with your ya and nein?" said I. "Has your + confounded tongue nothing better than a monosyllable to reply with." + </p> + <p> + Whether disliking the tone the controversy was assuming, or remembering + that his dinner waited, I know not, but at these words my fat friend + turned leisurely round, and waddled back into the house; where, in a + moment after, I had the pleasure of beholding him at the head of a long + table, distributing viands with a very different degree of activity from + what he displayed in dialogue. + </p> + <p> + With one vigorous jerk, I dashed open the door, upsetting, at the same + time, the poor postillion, who had recommenced his operations on the lock, + and, foaming with passion, strode into the "salle a manger." Nothing is + such an immediate damper to any sudden explosion of temper, as the placid + and unconcerned faces of a number of people, who, ignorant of yourself and + your peculiar miseries at the moment, seem only to regard you as a madman. + This I felt strongly, as, flushed in face and tingling in my fingers, I + entered the room. + </p> + <p> + "Take my luggage," said I to a gaping waiter, "and place a chair there, do + you hear?" + </p> + <p> + There seemed, I suppose, something in my looks that did not admit of much + parley, for the man made room for me at once at the table, and left the + room, as if to discharge the other part of my injunction, without saying a + word. As I arranged my napkin before me, I was collecting my energies and + my German, as well as I was able, for the attack of the host, which, I + anticipated from his recent conduct, must now ensue; but, greatly to my + surprise, he sent me my soup without a word, and the dinner went on + without any interruption. When the desert had made its appearance, I + beckoned the waiter towards me, and asked what the landlord meant by his + singular reception of me. The man shrugged his shoulders, and raised his + eyebrows, without speaking, as if to imply, "it's his way." + </p> + <p> + "Well, then, no matter," said I. "Have you sent my luggage up stairs?" + </p> + <p> + "No, sir, there is no room—the house is full." + </p> + <p> + "The house full! Confound it—this is too provoking. I have most + urgent reasons for wishing to stay here. Cannot you make some arrangement—see + about it, waiter." I here slipped a Napoleon into the fellow's hand, and + hinted that as much more awaited the finale of the negociation. + </p> + <p> + In about a minute after, I perceived him behind the host's chair, pleading + my cause with considerable energy; but to my complete chagrin, I heard the + other answer all his eloquence by a loud "Nein," that he grunted out in + such a manner as closed the conference. + </p> + <p> + "I cannot succeed, sir," said the man, as he passed behind me, "but don't + leave the house till I speak with you again." + </p> + <p> + What confounded mystery is there in all this, thought I. Is there any + thing so suspicious in my look or appearance, that the old bear in the fur + cap will not even admit me. What can it all mean. One thing I'm resolved + upon—nothing less than force shall remove me. + </p> + <p> + So saying I lit my cigar, and in order to give the waiter an opportunity + of conferring with me unobserved by his master, walked out into the porch + and sat down. + </p> + <p> + In a few minutes he joined me, and after a stealthy look on each side, + said— + </p> + <p> + "The Herr Andreas is a hard man to deal with, and when he says a thing, + never goes back of it. Now he has been expecting the new English Charge + d'Affaires here these last ten days, and has kept the hotel half empty in + consequence; and as mi Lor Callonby has engaged the other half, why we + have nothing to do; so that when he asked the postillion if you were mi + Lor, and found that you were not, he determined not to admit you." + </p> + <p> + "But why not have the civility to explain that?" + </p> + <p> + "He seldom speaks, and when he does only a word or two at a time. He is + quite tired with what he has gone through to-day, and will retire very + early to bed; and for this reason I have requested you to remain, for as + he never ventures up stairs, I will then manage to give you one of the + ambassador's rooms, which, even if he come, he'll never miss. So that if + you keep quiet, and do not attract any particular attention towards you, + all will go well." + </p> + <p> + This advice seemed so reasonable, that I determined to follow it—any + inconvenience being preferable, provided I could be under the same roof + with my beloved Jane; and from the waiter's account, there seemed no doubt + whatever of their arrival that evening. In order, therefore, to follow his + injunctions to the letter, I strolled out toward the Place in search of + the tailor, and also to deliver a letter from Waller to the chamberlain, + to provide me with a card for the ball. Monsieur Schnetz, who was the very + pinnacle of politeness, was nevertheless, in fact, nearly as untractable + as my host of the "Cross." All his "sujets" were engaged in preparing a + suit for the English Charge d'Affaires, whose trunks had been sent in a + wrong direction, and who had despatched a courier from Frankfort, to order + a uniform. This second thwarting, and from the same source, so nettled me, + that I greatly fear, all my respect for the foreign office and those who + live thereby, would not have saved them from something most unlike a + blessing, had not Monsieur Schnetz saved diplomacy from such desecration + by saying, that if I could content myself with a plain suit, such as + civilians wore, he would do his endeavour to accommodate me. + </p> + <p> + "Any thing, Monsieur Schnetz—dress me like the Pope's Nuncio, or the + Mayor of London, if you like, but only enable me to go." + </p> + <p> + Although my reply did not seem to convey a very exalted idea of my taste + in costume to the worthy artiste, it at least evinced my anxiety for the + ball; and running his measure over me, he assured me that the dress he + would provide was both well looking and becoming; adding, "At nine + o'clock, sir, you'll have it—exactly the same size as his Excellency + the Charge d'Affaires." + </p> + <p> + "Confound the Charge d'Affaires!" I added, and left the house. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch52" id="ch52"></a>CHAPTER LII. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + INN AT MUNICH. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + As I had never been in Munich before, I strolled about the town till dusk. + At that time the taste of the present king had not enriched the capital + with the innumerable objects of art which render it now second to none in + Europe. There were, indeed, then but few attractions—narrow streets, + tall, unarchitectural-looking houses, and gloomy, unimpressive churches. + Tired of this, I turned towards my inn, wondering in my mind if Antoine + had succeeded in procuring me the room, or whether yet I should be obliged + to seek my lodging elsewhere. Scarcely had I entered the porch, when I + found him waiting my arrival, candle in hand. He conducted me at once up + the wide oaken stair, then along the gallery, into a large wainscotted + room, with a most capacious bed. A cheerful wood fire burned and crackled + away in the grate—the cloth was already spread for supper—(remember + it was in Germany)—the newspapers of the day were placed before me—and, + in a word, every attention showed that I had found the true avenue to + Antoine's good graces, who now stood bowing before me, in apparent ecstasy + at his own cleverness. + </p> + <p> + "All very well done, Antoine, and now for supper—order it yourself + for me—I never can find my way in a German 'carte de diner;' and be + sure to have a fiacre here at nine—nine precisely." + </p> + <p> + Antoine withdrew, leaving me to my own reflections, which now, if not + gloomy, were still of the most anxious kind. + </p> + <p> + Scarcely was the supper placed upon the table, when a tremendous tramping + of horses along the street, and loud cracking of whips, announced a new + arrival. + </p> + <p> + "Here they are," said I, as, springing up, I upset the soup, and nearly + threw the roti into Antoine's face, as he was putting it before me. + </p> + <p> + Down stairs I rushed, through the hall, pushing aside waiters and + overturning chambermaids in my course. The carriage was already at the + door. Now for a surprise, thought I, as I worked through the crowd in the + porch, and reached the door just as the steps were clattered down, and a + gentleman began to descend, whom twenty expectant voices, now informed of + his identity, welcomed as the new Charge d'Affaires. <br /> <br /> <br /> <a + href="images2/00b%20Arrival%20of%20Charge%20dAffairs.jpg"> </a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%;"> + <img alt="00b Arrival of Charge d'Affairs.jpg (99K)" + src="images/00b%20Arrival%20of%20Charge%20dAffairs.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + "May all the—" + </p> + <p> + What I wished for his excellency it would not be polite to repeat, nor + most discreet even to remember; but, certes, I mounted the stairs with as + little good will towards the envoy extraordinary as was consistent with + due loyalty. + </p> + <p> + When once more in my room, I congratulated myself that now at least no + more "false starts" could occur—"the eternal Charge d'Affaires, of + whom I have been hearing since my arrival, cannot come twice—he is + here now, and I hope I'm done with him." + </p> + <p> + The supper—some greasiness apart—was good—the wine + excellent. My spirits were gradually rising, and I paced my room in that + mingled state of hope and fear, that amid all its anxieties, has such + moments of ecstasy. A new noise without—some rabble in the street; + hark, it comes nearer—I hear the sound of wheels; yes, there go the + horses—nearer and nearer. Ah, it is dying away again—stay—yes, + yes—here it is—here they are. The noise and tumult without now + increased every instant—the heavy trot of six or eight horses shook + the very street, and I heard the round, dull, rumbling sound of a heavy + carriage, as it drew up at last at the door of the inn. Why it was I know + not, but this time I could not stir—my heart beat almost loud enough + for me to hear—my temples throbbed, and then a cold and clammy + perspiration came over me, and I sank into a chair. Fearing that I was + about to faint, sick as I was, I felt angry with myself, and tried to + rally, but could not, and only at length was roused by hearing that the + steps were let down, and shortly after the tread of feet coming along the + gallery towards my room. + </p> + <p> + They are coming—she is coming, thought I. Now then for my doom! + </p> + <p> + There was some noise of voices outside. I listened, for I still felt + unable to rise. The talking grew louder—doors were opened and shut—then + came a lull—then more slamming of doors, and more talking—then + all was still again—and at last I heard the steps of people as if + retiring, and in a few minutes after the carriage door was jammed to, and + again the heavy tramp of the horses rattled over the pave. At this instant + Antoine entered. + </p> + <p> + "Well, Antoine," said I, in a voice trembling with weakness and agitation, + "not them yet?" + </p> + <p> + "It was his Grace the Grand Mareschal," said Antoine, scarcely heeding my + question, in the importance of the illustrious visitor who had arrived. + </p> + <p> + "Ah, the Grand Mareschal," said I, carelessly; "does he live here?" + </p> + <p> + "Sappermint nein, Mein Herr; but he has just been to pay his respects to + his Excellency the new Charge d'Affaires." + </p> + <p> + In the name of all patience, I ask, who could endure this? From the hour + of my arrival I am haunted by this one image—the Charge d'Affaires. + For him I have been almost condemned to go houseless, and naked; and now + the very most sacred feelings of my heart are subject to his influence. I + walked up and down in an agony. Another such disappointment, and my brain + will turn, thought I, and they may write my epitaph—"Died of love + and a Charge d'Affaires." + </p> + <p> + "It is time to dress," said the waiter. + </p> + <p> + "I could strangle him with my own hands," muttered I, worked up into a + real heat by the excitement of my passion. + </p> + <p> + "The Charge—" + </p> + <p> + "Say that name again, villain, and I'll blow your brains out," cried I, + seizing Antoine by the throat, and pinning him against the wall; "only + dare to mutter it, and you'll ever breathe another syllable." + </p> + <p> + The poor fellow grew green with terror, and fell upon his knees before me. + </p> + <p> + "Get my dressing things ready," said I, in a more subdued tone. "I did not + mean to terrify you—but beware of what I told you." + </p> + <p> + While Antoine occupied himself with the preparations for my toilette, I + sat broodingly over the wood embers, thinking of my fate. + </p> + <p> + A knock came to the door. It was the tailor's servant with my clothes. He + laid down the parcel and retired, while Antoine proceeded to open it, and + exhibit before me a blue uniform with embroidered collar and cuffs—the + whole, without being gaudy, being sufficiently handsome, and quite as + showy as I could wish. + </p> + <p> + The poor waiter expressed his unqualified approval of the costume, and + talked away about the approaching ball as something pre-eminently + magnificent. + </p> + <p> + "You had better look after the fiacre, Antoine," said I; "it is past + nine." + </p> + <p> + He walked towards the door, opened it, and then, turning round, said, in a + kind of low, confidential whisper, pointing, with the thumb of his left + hand, towards the wall of the room as he spoke— + </p> + <p> + "He won't go—very strange that." + </p> + <p> + "Who do you mean?" said I, quite unconscious of the allusion. + </p> + <p> + "The Charge d'Aff—" + </p> + <p> + I made one spring at him, but he slammed the door to, and before I could + reach the lobby, I heard him rolling from top to bottom of the oak + staircase, making noise enough in his fall to account for the fracture of + every bone in his body. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch53" id="ch53"></a>CHAPTER LIII. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + THE BALL. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + As I was informed that the King would himself be present at the ball, I + knew that German etiquette required that the company should arrive before + his Majesty; and although now every minute I expected the arrival of the + Callonbys, I dared not defer my departure any longer. + </p> + <p> + "They are certain to be at the ball," said Waller, and that sentence never + left my mind. + </p> + <p> + So saying, I jumped into the fiacre, and in a few minutes found myself in + the long line of carriages that led to the "Hof saal." Any one who has + been in Munich will testify for me, that the ball room is one of the most + beautiful in Europe, and to me who for some time had not been living much + in the world, its splendour was positively dazzling. The glare of the + chandeliers—the clang of the music—the magnificence of the + dresses—the beauty of the Bavarian women too, all surprized and + amazed me. There were several hundred people present, but the king not + having yet arrived, dancing had not commenced. Feeling as I then did, it + was rather a relief to me than otherwise, that I knew no one. There was + quite amusement enough in walking through the saloons, observing the + strange costumes, and remarking the various groups as they congregated + around the trays of ices and the champagne glacee. The buzz of talking and + the sounds of laughter and merriment prevailed over even the orchestra; + and, as the gay crowds paraded the rooms, all seemed pleasure and + excitement. Suddenly a tremendous noise was heard without—then came + a loud roll of the drums, which lasted for several seconds, and the clank + of musketry—then a cheer;—it is the king. + </p> + <p> + The king! resounded on all sides; and in another moment the large + folding-doors at the end of the saal were thrown open, and the music + struck up the national anthem of Bavaria. + </p> + <p> + His majesty entered, accompanied by the queen, his brother, two or three + archduchesses, and a long suite of officers. + </p> + <p> + I could not help remarking upon the singular good taste with which the + assembly—all anxious and eager to catch a glimpse of his majesty—behaved + on this occasion. There was no pressing forward to the "estrade" where he + stood,—no vulgar curiosity evinced by any one, but the group + continued, as before, to gather and scatter. The only difference being, + that the velvet chair and cushion, which had attracted some observers + before, were, now that they were tenanted by royalty, passed with a deep + and respectful salutation. How proper this, thought I, and what an + inducement for a monarch to come among his people, who remember to receive + him with such true politeness. While these thoughts were passing through + my mind, as I was leaning against a pillar that supported the gallery of + the orchestra, a gentleman whose dress, covered with gold and embroidery, + bespoke him as belonging to the court, eyed me aside with his lorgnette + and then passed rapidly on. A quadrille was now forming near me, and I was + watching, with some interest, the proceeding, when the same figure that I + remarked before, approached me, bowing deeply at every step, and shaking a + very halo of powder from his hair at each reverence. + </p> + <p> + "May I take the liberty of introducing myself to you?" said he.—"Le + Comte Benningsen." Here he bowed again, and I returned the obeisance still + deeper. "Regretted much that I was not fortunate enough to make your + acquaintance this evening, when I called upon you." + </p> + <p> + "Never heard of that," said I to myself. + </p> + <p> + "Your excellency arrived this evening?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes," said I, "only a few hours since." + </p> + <p> + "How fond these Germans are of titles," thought I. Remembering that in + Vienna every one is "his grace," I thought it might be Bavarian politeness + to call every one his excellency. + </p> + <p> + "You have not been presented, I believe?" + </p> + <p> + "No," said I; "but I hope to take an early opportunity of paying 'mes + homages' to his majesty." + </p> + <p> + "I have just received his orders to present you now," replied he, with + another bow. + </p> + <p> + "The devil, you have," thought I. "How very civil that." And, although I + had heard innumerable anecdotes of the free-and-easy habits of the + Bavarian court, this certainly surprized me, so that I actually, to + prevent a blunder, said, "Am I to understand you, Monsieur le Comte, that + his majesty was graciously pleased"— + </p> + <p> + "If you will follow me," replied the courtier, motioning with his chapeau; + and in another moment I was elbowing my way through the mob of marquisses + and duchesses, on my way to the raised platform where the king was + standing. + </p> + <p> + "Heaven grant I have not misunderstood all he has been saying," was my + last thought as the crowd of courtiers fell back on either side, and I + found myself bowing before his majesty. How the grand mareschal entitled + me I heard not; but when the king addressed me immediately in English, + saying, + </p> + <p> + "I hope your excellency has had a good journey?" + </p> + <p> + I felt, "Come, there is no mistake here, Harry; and it is only another + freak of fortune, who is now in good humour with you." + </p> + <p> + The king, who was a fine, tall, well-built man, with a large, bushy + moustache, possessed, though not handsome, a most pleasing expression; his + utterance was very rapid, and his English none of the best, so that it was + with the greatest difficulty I contrived to follow his questions, which + came thick as hail upon me. After some commonplaces about the roads, the + weather, and the season, his majesty said, + </p> + <p> + "My Lord Callonby has been residing some time here. You know him?" And + then, not waiting for a reply, added, "Pleasant person—well informed—like + him much, and his daughters, too, how handsome they are." Here I blushed, + and felt most awkwardly, while the king continued. + </p> + <p> + "Hope they will remain some time—quite an ornament to our court. + Monsieur le Comte, his excellency will dance?" I here muttered an apology + about my sprained ankle, and the king turned to converse with some of the + ladies of the court. His majesty's notice brought several persons now + around me, who introduced themselves; and, in a quarter of an hour, I felt + myself surrounded by acquaintances, each vieing with the other in showing + me attention. + </p> + <p> + Worse places than Munich, Master Harry, thought I, as I chaperoned a fat + duchess, with fourteen quarterings, towards the refreshment-room, and had + just accepted invitations enough to occupy me three weeks in advance. + </p> + <p> + "I have been looking every where for your excellency," said the grand + mareschal, bustling his way to me, breathless and panting. "His majesty + desires you will make one of his party at whist, so pray come at once." + </p> + <p> + "Figaro qua, Figaro la," muttered I. "Never was man in such request. God + grant the whole royal family of Bavaria be not mad, for this looks very + like it. Lady Jane had better look sharp, for I have only to throw my eyes + on an archduchess, to be king of the Tyrol some fine morning." + </p> + <p> + "You play whist, of course; every Englishman does," said the king. "You + shall be my partner." + </p> + <p> + Our adversaries were the Prince Maximilian, brother to his Majesty and the + Prussian Ambassador. As I sat down at the table, I could not help saying + in my heart, "now is your time, Harry, if my Lord Callonby should see you, + your fortune is made." Waller passed at this moment, and as he saluted the + king, I saw him actually start with amazement as he beheld me—"better + fun this than figuring in the yellow plush, Master Jack," I muttered as he + passed on actually thunder-struck with amazement. But the game was begun, + and I was obliged to be attentive. We won the first game, and the king was + in immense good humour as he took some franc pieces from the Prussian + minister, who, small as the stake was, seemed not to relish losing. His + majesty now complimented me upon my play, and was about to add something + when he perceived some one in the crowd, and sent an Aide de camp for him. + </p> + <p> + "Ah, my Lord, we expected you earlier," and then said some words in too + low a tone for me to hear, motioning towards me as he spoke. If Waller was + surprised at seeing me where I was, it was nothing to the effect produced + upon the present party, whom I now recognized as Lord Callonby. Respect + for the presence we were in, restrained any expression on either side, and + a more ludicrous tableau than we presented can scarcely be conceived. What + I would have given that the whist party was over, I need not say, and + certainly his majesty's eulogy upon my play came too soon, for I was now + so "destrait and unhinged," my eyes wandering from the table to see if + Lady Jane was near, that I lost every trick, and finished by revoking. The + king rose half pettishly, observing that "Son Excellence a apparement + perdu la tete," and I rushed forward to shake hands with Lord Callonby, + totally forgetting the royal censure in my delight at discovering my + friend. + </p> + <p> + "Lorrequer, I am indeed rejoiced to see you, and when did you arrive." + </p> + <p> + "This evening." + </p> + <p> + "This evening! and how the deuce have you contrived already, eh? why you + seem quite chez vous here?" + </p> + <p> + "You shall hear all," said I hastily, "but is Lady Callonby here?" + </p> + <p> + "No. Kilkee only is with me, there he is figuranting away in a gallope. + The ladies were too tired to come, particularly as they dine at court + to-morrow, the fatigue would be rather much." + </p> + <p> + "I have his majesty's order to invite your Excellency to dinner + to-morrow," said the grand Mareschal coming up at this instant. + </p> + <p> + I bowed my acknowledgments, and turned again to Lord Callonby, whose + surprise now seemed to have reached the climax. + </p> + <p> + "Why Lorrequer, I never heard of this? when did you adopt this new + career?" + </p> + <p> + Not understanding the gist of the question, and conceiving that it applied + to my success at court, I answered at random, something about "falling + upon my legs, good luck, ," and once more returned to the charge, + enquiring most anxiously for Lady Callonby's health. + </p> + <p> + "Ah! she is tolerably well. Jane is the only invalid, but then we hope + Italy will restore her." Just at this instant, Kilkee caught my eye, and + rushing over from his place beside his partner, shook me by both hands, + saying, + </p> + <p> + "Delighted to see you here Lorrequer, but as I can't stay now, promise to + sup with me to-night at the 'Cross'." + </p> + <p> + I accepted of course, and the next instant, he was whirling along in his + waltze, with one of the most lovely German girls I ever saw. Lord Callonby + saw my admiration of her, and as it were replying to my gaze, remarked, + </p> + <p> + "Yes, very handsome indeed, but really Kilkee is going too far with it. I + rely upon you very much to reason him out of his folly, and we have all + agreed that you have most influence over him, and are most likely to be + listened to patiently." + </p> + <p> + Here was a new character assigned me, the confidential friend and adviser + of the family, trusted with a most delicate and important secret, likely + to bring me into most intimate terms of intercourse with them all, for the + "we" of Lord Callonby bespoke a family consultation, in which I was + deputed as the negociator. I at once promised my assistance, saying, at + the same time, that if Kilkee really was strongly attached, and had also + reason to suppose that the Lady liked him, it was not exactly fair; that + in short, if the matter had gone beyond flirtation, any interference of + mine would be imprudent, if not impertinent. Lord Callonby smiled slightly + as he replied, + </p> + <p> + "Quite right, Lorrequer, I am just as much against constraint as yourself, + if only no great barriers exist; but here with a difference of religion, + country, language, habits, in fact, everything that can create disparity, + the thing is not to be thought of." + </p> + <p> + I suspected that his Lordship read in my partial defence of Kilkee, a + slight attempt to prop up my own case, and felt confused and embarrassed + beyond measure at the detection. + </p> + <p> + "Well, we shall have time enough for all this. Now let us hear something + of my old friend Sir Guy. How is he looking?" + </p> + <p> + "I am unfortunately unable to give you any account of him. I left Paris + the very day before he was expected to arrive there." + </p> + <p> + "Oh then, I have all the news myself in that case, for in his letter which + I received yesterday, he mentions that we are not to expect him before + Tuesday." + </p> + <p> + "Expect him. Is he coming here then?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes. Why, I thought you were aware of that, he has been long promising to + pay us a visit, and at last, by great persuasion, we have succeeded in + getting him across the sea, and, indeed, were it not that he was coming, + we should have been in Florence before this." + </p> + <p> + A gleam of hope shot through my heart as I said to myself, what can this + visit mean? and the moment after I felt sick, almost to fainting, as I + asked if "my cousin Guy were also expected." + </p> + <p> + "Oh yes. We shall want him I should think" said Lord Callonby with a very + peculiar smile. + </p> + <p> + I thought I should have fallen at these few words. Come, Harry, thought I, + it is better to learn your fate at once. Now or never; death itself were + preferable to this continued suspense. If the blow is to fall, it can + scarcely sink me lower than I now feel: so reasoning, I laid my hand upon + Lord Callonby's arm, and with a face pale as death, and a voice all but + inarticulate, said, + </p> + <p> + "My Lord, you will pardon, I am sure—" + </p> + <p> + "My dear Lorrequer," said his lordship interrupting me, "for heaven's sake + sit down. How ill you are looking, we must nurse you, my poor fellow." + </p> + <p> + I sank upon a bench—the light danced before my eyes—the clang + of the music sounded like the roar of a waterfall, and I felt a cold + perspiration burst over my face and forehead; at the same instant, I + recognized Kilkee's voice, and without well knowing why, or how, + discovered myself in the open air. + </p> + <p> + "Come, you are better now," said Kilkee, "and will be quite well when you + get some supper, and a little of the tokay, his majesty has been good + enough to send us." + </p> + <p> + "His majesty desires to know if his excellency is better," said an aide de + camp. + </p> + <p> + I muttered my most grateful acknowledgments. + </p> + <p> + "One of the court carriages is in waiting for your excellency," said a + venerable old gentleman in a tie wig, whom I recognized as the minister + for foreign affairs—as he added in a lower tone to Lord Callonby, "I + fear he has been greatly overworked lately—his exertions on the + subject of the Greek loan are well known to his majesty." + </p> + <p> + "Indeed," said Lord Callonby, with a start of surprise, "I never heard of + that before." + </p> + <p> + If it had not been for that start of amazement, I should have died of + terror. It was the only thing that showed me I was not out of my senses, + which I now concluded the old gentleman must be, for I never had heard of + the Greek loan in my life before. + </p> + <p> + "Farewell, mon cher colleague," said the venerable minister as I got into + the carriage, wondering as well I might what singular band of brotherhood + united one of his majesty's __th with the minister for foreign affairs of + the Court of Bavaria. + </p> + <p> + When I arrived at the White-cross, I found my nerves, usually proof to any + thing, so shaken and shattered, that fearing with the difficult game + before me any mistake, however trivial, might mar all my fortunes for + ever, I said a good night to my friends, and went to bed. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch54" id="ch54"></a>CHAPTER LIV. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + A DISCOVERY. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + "A note for Monsieur," said the waiter, awaking me at the same time from + the soundest sleep and most delightful dream. The billet was thus:— + </p> + <p> + "If your excellency does not intend to slumber during the next twenty-four + hours, it might be as well to remember that we are waiting breakfast. Ever + yours, + </p> + <p> + "Kilkee." + </p> + <p> + "It is true, then," said I—following up the delusion of my dream. + "It is true, I am really domesticated once more with the Callonbys. My + suit is prospering, and at length the long-sought, long-hoped for moment + is come—" + </p> + <p> + "Well, Harry," said Kilkee, as he dashed open the door. "Well, Harry, how + are you, better than last night, I hope?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh yes, considerably. In fact, I can't think what could have been the + matter with me; but I felt confoundedly uncomfortable." + </p> + <p> + "You did! Why, man, what can you mean; was it not a joke?" + </p> + <p> + "A joke," said I, with a start. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, to be sure. I thought it was only the sequel of the other humbug." + </p> + <p> + "The sequel of the other humbug!" Gracious mercy! thought I, getting pale + with horror, is it thus he ventures to designate my attachment to his + sister? + </p> + <p> + "Come, come, it's all over now. What the devil could have persuaded you to + push the thing so far?" + </p> + <p> + "Really, I am so completely in the dark as to your meaning that I only get + deeper in mystery by my chance replies. What do you mean?" + </p> + <p> + "What do I mean! Why, the affair of last night of course. All Munich is + full of it, and most fortunately for you, the king has taken it all in the + most good-humoured way, and laughs more than any one else about it." + </p> + <p> + Oh, then, thought I, I must have done or said something last night during + my illness, that I can't remember now. "Come, Kilkee, out with it. What + happened last night, that has served to amuse the good people of Munich? + for as I am a true man, I forget all you are alluding to." + </p> + <p> + "And don't remember the Greek Loan—eh?" + </p> + <p> + "The Greek Loan!" + </p> + <p> + "And your Excellency's marked reception by his Majesty? By Jove though, it + was the rarest piece of impudence I ever heard of; hoaxing a crowned head, + quizzing one of the Lord's anointed is un peu trop fort." + </p> + <p> + "If you really do not wish to render me insane at once, for the love of + mercy say, in plain terms, what all this means." + </p> + <p> + "Come, come, I see you are incorrigible; but as breakfast is waiting all + this time, we shall have your explanations below stairs." + </p> + <p> + Before I had time for another question Kilkee passed his arm within mine, + and led me along the corridor, pouring out, the entire time a whole + rhapsody about the practical joke of my late illness, which he was pleased + to say would ring from one end of Europe to the other. + </p> + <p> + Lord Callonby was alone in the breakfast-room when we entered, and the + moment he perceived me called out, + </p> + <p> + "Eh, Lorrequer, you here still? Why, man, I thought you'd have been over + the frontier early this morning?" + </p> + <p> + "Indeed, my lord, I am not exactly aware of any urgent reason for so rapid + a flight." + </p> + <p> + "You are not! The devil, you are not. Why, you must surely have known his + majesty to be the best tempered man in his dominions then, or you would + never have played off such a ruse, though I must say, there never was + anything better done. Old Heldersteen, the minister for foreign affairs, + is nearly deranged this morning about it—it seems that he was the + first that fell into the trap; but seriously speaking, I think it would be + better if you got away from this; the king, it is true, has behaved with + the best possible good feeling; but—" + </p> + <p> + "My lord, I have a favour to ask, perhaps, indeed in all likelihood the + last I shall ever ask of your lordship, it is this—what are you + alluding to all this while, and for what especial reason do you suggest my + immediate departure from Munich?" + </p> + <p> + "Bless my heart and soul—you surely cannot mean to carry the thing + on any further—you never can intend to assume your ministerial + functions by daylight?" + </p> + <p> + "My what!—my ministerial functions." + </p> + <p> + "Oh no, that were too much—even though his majesty did say—that + you were the most agreeable diplomate he had met for a long time." + </p> + <p> + "I, a diplomate." + </p> + <p> + "You, certainly. Surely you cannot be acting now; why, gracious mercy, + Lorrequer! can it be possible that you were not doing it by design, do you + really not know in what character you appeared last night?" + </p> + <p> + "If in any other than that of Harry Lorrequer, my lord, I pledge my + honour, I am ignorant." + </p> + <p> + "Nor the uniform you wore, don't you know what it meant?" + </p> + <p> + "The tailor sent it to my room." + </p> + <p> + "Why, man, by Jove, this will kill me," said Lord Callonby, bursting into + a fit of laughter, in which Kilkee, a hitherto silent spectator of our + colloquy, joined to such an extent, that I thought he should burst a + bloodvessel. "Why man, you went as the Charge d'Affaires." + </p> + <p> + "I, the Charge d'Affaires!" + </p> + <p> + "That you did, and a most successful debut you made of it." + </p> + <p> + While shame and confusion covered me from head to foot at the absurd and + ludicrous blunder I had been guilty of, the sense of the ridiculous was so + strong in me, that I fell upon a sofa and laughed on with the others for + full ten minutes. + </p> + <p> + "Your Excellency is, I am rejoiced to find, in good spirits," said Lady + Callonby, entering and presenting her hand. + </p> + <p> + "He is so glad to have finished the Greek Loan," said Lady Catherine, + smiling with a half malicious twinkle of the eye. Just at this instant + another door opened, and Lady Jane appeared. Luckily for me, the increased + mirth of the party, as Lord Callonby informed them of my blunder, + prevented their paying any attention to me, for as I half sprung forward + toward her, my agitation would have revealed to any observer, the whole + state of my feelings. I took her hand which she extended to me, without + speaking, and bowing deeply over it, raised my head and looked into her + eyes, as if to read at one glance, my fate, and when I let fall her hand, + I would not have exchanged my fortune for a kingdom. + </p> + <p> + "You have heard, Jane, how our friend opened his campaign in Munich last + night." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, I hope, Mr. Lorrequer, they are only quizzing. You surely could not—" + </p> + <p> + "Could not. What he could not—what he would not do, is beyond my + calculation to make out," said Kilkee, laughing, "anything in life, from + breaking an axletree to hoaxing a king;" I turned, as may be imagined, a + deaf ear to this allusion, which really frightened me, not knowing how far + Kilkee's information might lead, nor how he might feel disposed to use it. + Lady Jane turned a half reproachful glance at me, as if rebuking my folly; + but in the interest she thus took in me, I should not have bartered it for + the smile of the proudest queen in Christendom. + </p> + <p> + Breakfast over, Lord Callonby undertook to explain to the Court the + blunder, by which I had unwittingly been betrayed into personating the + newly arrived minister, and as the mistake was more of their causing than + my own, my excuses were accepted, and when his lordship returned to the + hotel, he brought with him an invitation for me to dine at Court in my own + unaccredited character. By this time I had been carrying on the siege as + briskly as circumstances permitted; Lady Callonby being deeply interested + in her newly arrived purchases, and Lady Catherine being good-natured + enough to pretend to be so also, left me, at intervals, many opportunities + of speaking to Lady Jane. + </p> + <p> + As I feared that such occasions would not often present themselves, I + determined on making the best use of my time, and at once led the + conversation towards the goal I aimed at, by asking, "if Lady Jane had + completely forgotten the wild cliffs and rocky coast of Clare, amid the + tall mountains and glaciered peaks of the Tyrol?" + </p> + <p> + "Far from it," she replied. "I have a most clear remembrance of bold + Mogher and the rolling swell of the blue Atlantic, and long to feel its + spray once more upon my cheek; but then, I knew it in childhood—your + acquaintance with it was of a later date, and connected with fewer happy + associations." + </p> + <p> + "Fewer happy associations—how can you say so? Was it not there the + brightest hours of my whole life were passed, was it not there I first met—" + </p> + <p> + "Kilkee tells me," said Lady Jane, interrupting me shortly, "that Miss + Bingham is extremely pretty." + </p> + <p> + This was turning my flank with a vengeance; so I muttered something about + differences of tastes, and continued, "I understand my worthy cousin Guy, + had the good fortune to make your acquaintance in Paris." + </p> + <p> + It was now her turn to blush, which she did deeply, and said nothing. + </p> + <p> + "He is expected, I believe, in a few days at Munich," said I, fixing my + eyes upon her, and endeavouring to read her thoughts; she blushed more + deeply, and the blood at my own heart ran cold, as I thought over all I + had heard, and I muttered to myself "she loves him." + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Lorrequer, the carriage is waiting, and as we are going to the + Gallery this morning, and have much to see, pray let us have your escort." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, I am sure," said Catherine, "his assistance will be considerable—particularly + if his knowledge of art only equals his tact in botany. Don't you think + so, Jane?"—But Jane was gone. + </p> + <p> + They left the room to dress, and I was alone—alone with my anxious, + now half despairing thoughts, crowding and rushing upon my beating brain. + She loves him, and I have only come to witness her becoming the wife of + another. I see it all, too plainly;—my Uncle's arrival—Lord + Callonby's familiar manner—Jane's own confession. All—all + convince me, that my fate is decided. Now, then, for one last brief + explanation, and I leave Munich, never to see her more. Just as I had so + spoken, she entered. Her gloves had been forgotten in the room, and she + came in not knowing that I was there. What would I not have given at that + moment, for the ready witted assurance, the easy self-possession, with + which I should have made my advances had my heart not been as deeply + engaged as I now felt it. Alas! My courage was gone; there was too much at + stake, and I preferred, now, that the time was come, any suspense, any + vacillation, to the dreadful certainty of refusal. + </p> + <p> + These were my first thoughts, as she entered; how they were followed, I + cannot say. The same evident confusion of my brain, which I once felt when + mounting the breach in a storm-party, now completely beset me; and as + then, when death and destruction raged on every side, I held on my way + regardless of every obstacle, and forgetting all save the goal before me; + so did I now, in the intensity of my excitement, disregard every thing, + save the story of my love, which I poured forth with that fervour which + truth only can give. But she spoke not,—her averted head,—her + cold and tremulous hand, and half-drawn sigh were all that replied to me, + as I waited for that one word upon which hung all my fortune. At length + her hand, which I scarcely held within my own, was gently withdrawn. She + lifted it to her eyes, but still was silent. + </p> + <p> + "Enough," said I, "I seek not to pain you more. The daring ambition that + prompted me to love you, has met its heaviest retribution. Farewell,—You, + Lady Jane, have nothing to reproach yourself with—You never + encouraged, you never deceived me. I, and I alone have been to blame, and + mine must be the suffering. Adieu, then once more, and now for ever." + </p> + <p> + She turned slowly round, and as the handkerchief fell from her hand,—her + features were pale as marble,—I saw that she was endeavouring to + speak, but could not; and at length, as the colour came slowly back to her + cheek, her lips moved, and just as I leaned forward, with a beating heart + to hear, her sister came running forward, and suddenly checked herself in + her career, as she said, laughingly,— + </p> + <p> + "Mille pardons, Jane, but his Excellency must take another occasion to + explain the quadruple alliance, for mamma has been waiting in the carriage + these ten minutes." + </p> + <p> + I followed them to the door, placed them in the carriage, and was turning + again towards the house, when Lady Callonby said— + </p> + <p> + "Oh, Mr. Lorrequer, we count upon you—you must not desert us." + </p> + <p> + I muttered something about not feeling well. + </p> + <p> + "And then, perhaps, the Greek loan is engaging your attention," said + Catherine; "or, mayhap, some reciprocity treaty is not prospering." + </p> + <p> + The malice of this last sally told, for Jane blushed deeply, and I felt + overwhelmed with confusion. + </p> + <p> + "But pray come—the drive will do you good." + </p> + <p> + "Your ladyship will, I am certain, excuse"— + </p> + <p> + Just as I had got so far, I caught Lady Jane's eye, for the first time + since we had left the drawing-room. What I read there, I could not, for + the life of me, say; but, instead of finishing my sentence, I got into the + carriage, and drove off, very much to the surprise of Lady Callonby, who, + never having studied magnetism, knew very little the cause of my sudden + recovery. + </p> + <p> + The thrill of hope that shot through my heart succeeding so rapidly the + dark gloom of my despairing thoughts, buoyed me up, and while I whispered + to myself, "all may not yet be lost," I summoned my best energies to my + aid. Luckily for me, I was better qualified to act as cicerone in a + gallery than as a guide in a green-house; and with the confidence that + knowledge of a subject ever inspires, I rattled away about art and + artists, greatly to the edification of Lady Callonby—much to the + surprise of Lady Catherine—and, better than all, evidently to the + satisfaction of her, to win whose praise I would gladly have risked my + life. + </p> + <p> + "There," said I, as I placed my fair friend before a delicious little + madonna of Carl Dolci—"there is, perhaps, the triumph of colouring—for + the downy softness of that cheek—the luscious depth of that blue eye—the + waving richness of those sunny locks, all is perfect—fortunately so + beautiful a head is not a monopoly, for he painted many copies of this + picture." + </p> + <p> + "Quite true," said a voice behind, "and mine at Elton is, I think, if + anything, better than this." + </p> + <p> + I turned, and beheld my good old uncle, Sir Guy, who was standing beside + Lady Callonby. While I welcomed my worthy relative, I could not help + casting a glance around to see if Guy were also there, and not perceiving + him, my heart beat freely again. + </p> + <p> + My uncle, it appeared, had just arrived, and lost no time in joining us at + the gallery. His manner to me was cordial to a degree; and I perceived + that, immediately upon being introduced to Lady Jane, he took considerable + pains to observe her, and paid her the most marked attention. + </p> + <p> + The first moment I could steal unnoticed, I took the opportunity of asking + if Guy were come. That one fact were to me all, and upon the answer to my + question, I hung with deep anxiety. + </p> + <p> + "Guy here!—no, not yet. The fact is, Harry, my boy, Guy has not got + on here as well as I could have wished. Everything had been arranged among + us—Callonby behaved most handsomely—and, as far as regarded + myself, I threw no impediment in the way. But still, I don't know how it + was, but Guy did not advance, and the matter now"— + </p> + <p> + "Pray, how does it stand? Have you any hopes to put all to rights again?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Harry, I think, with your assistance, much may be done." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, count upon me by all means," said I, with a sneering bitterness, that + my uncle could not have escaped remarking, had his attention not been + drawn off by Lady Callonby. + </p> + <p> + What have I done—what sin did I meditate before I was born, that I + should come into the world branded with failure in all I attempt? Is it + not enough that my cousin, my elder by some months, should be rich while I + am poor—honoured and titled, while I am unknown and unnoticed?—but + is he also to be preferred to me in every station in life? Is there no + feeling of the heart so sacred that it must not succumb to primogeniture? + </p> + <p> + "What a dear old man Sir Guy is," said Catherine, interrupting my sad + reflections, "and how gallant; he is absolutely flirting with Lady Jane." + </p> + <p> + And quite true it was. The old gentleman was paying his devoirs with a + studied anxiety to please, that went to my very heart as I witnessed it. + The remainder of that day to me was a painful and suffering one. My + intention of suddenly leaving Munich had been abandoned, why, I knew not. + I felt that I was hoping against hope, and that my stay was only to + confirm, by the most "damning proof," how surely I was fated to + disappointment. My reasonings all ended in one point. If she really love + Guy, then my present attentions can only be a source of unhappiness to + her; if she do not, is there any prospect that from the bare fact of my + attachment, so proud a family as the Callonbys will suffer their daughter + to make a mere "marriage d'inclination?" + </p> + <p> + There was but one answer to this question, and I had at last the courage + to make it: and yet the Callonbys had marked me out for their attentions, + and had gone unusually out of their way to inflict injury upon me, if all + were meant to end in nothing. If I only could bring myself to think that + this was a systematic game adopted by them, to lead to the subsequent + arrangement with my cousin!—if I could but satisfy my doubts on this + head——What threats of vengeance I muttered, I cannot remember, + for I was summoned at that critical moment to attend the party to the + palace. + </p> + <p> + The state of excitement I was in, was an ill preparative for the rigid + etiquette of a court dinner. All passed off, however, happily, and the + king, by a most good-natured allusion to the blunder of the night before, + set me perfectly at ease on that head. + </p> + <p> + I was placed next to Lady Jane at dinner; and half from wounded pride, + half from the momentarily increasing conviction that all was lost, chatted + away gaily, without any evidence of a stronger feeling than the mere + vicinity of a pretty person is sure to inspire. What success this game was + attended with I know not; but the suffering it cost me, I shall never + cease to remember. One satisfaction I certainly did experience—she + was manifestly piqued, and several times turned towards the person on the + other side of her, to avoid the tone of indifference in which I discussed + matters that were actually wringing my own heart at the moment. Yet such + was the bitterness of my spirit, that I set down this conduct on her part + as coquetry; and quite convinced myself that any slight encouragement she + might ever have given my attentions, was only meant to indulge a spirit of + vanity, by adding another to the list of her conquests. + </p> + <p> + As the feeling grew upon me, I suppose my manner to her became more + palpably cutting, for it ended at last in our discontinuing to speak, and + when we retired from the palace, I accompanied her to the carriage in + silence, and wished her a cold and distant good night, without any advance + to touch her hand at parting—and yet that parting, I had destined + for our last. + </p> + <p> + The greater part of that night I spent in writing letters. One was to Jane + herself owning my affection, confessing that even the "rudesse" of my late + conduct was the fruit of it, and finally assuring her that failing to win + from her any return of my passion, I had resolved never to meet her more—I + also wrote a short note to my uncle, thanking him for all he had formerly + done in my behalf, but coldly declining for the future, any assistance + upon his part, resolving that upon my own efforts alone should I now rest + my fortunes. To Lord Callonby I wrote at greater length, recapitulating + the history of our early intimacy, and accusing him of encouraging me in + expectations, which, as he never intended to confirm them, were fated to + prove my ruin. More—much more I said, which to avow, I should gladly + shrink from, were it not that I have pledged myself to honesty in these + "Confessions," and as they depict the bitterness and misery of my spirit, + I must plead guilty to them here. In a word, I felt myself injured. I saw + no outlet for redress, and the only consolation open to my wounded pride + and crushed affection, was to show, that if I felt myself a victim, at + least I was not a dupe. I set about packing up for the journey, whither, I + knew not. My leave was nearly expired, yet I could not bear the thought of + rejoining the regiment. My only desire was to leave Munich, and that + speedily. When all my arrangements were completed I went down noiselessly + to the inn yard to order post-horses by day-break, there to my surprise I + found all activity and bustle. Though so late at night, a courier had + arrived from England for Lord Callonby, with some important dispatches + from the Government; this would, at any other time, have interested me + deeply; now I heard the news without a particle of feeling, and I made all + the necessary dispositions for my journey, without paying the slightest + attention to what was going on about me. I had just finished, when Lord + Callonby's valet came to say, that his lordship wished to see me + immediately in his dressing room. Though I would gladly have declined any + further interview, I saw no means of escape, and followed the servant to + his lordship's room. + </p> + <p> + There I found Lord Callonby in his dressing gown and night cap, surrounded + by papers, letters, despatch boxes, and red tape-tied parcels, that all + bespoke business. + </p> + <p> + "Lorrequer, sit down, my boy, I have much to say to you, and as we have no + time to lose, you must forego a little sleep. Is the door closed? I have + just received most important news from England, and to begin," here his + lordship opened a letter and read as follow:— + </p> + <blockquote> + <blockquote> + <p> + "My Lord—They are out at last—the majority on Friday + increased to forty yesterday evening, when they resigned; the Duke + has, meanwhile, assumed the reins till further arrangements can be + perfected, and despatches are now preparing to bring all our friends + about us. The only rumours as yet are, L___, for the Colonies, H___, + to the Foreign Office, W____ President of the Council, and we + anxiously hope yourself Viceroy to Ireland. In any case lose no time + in coming back to England. The struggle will be a sharp one, as the + outs are distracted, and we shall want you much. Ever yours, my dear + lord, + </p> + <p> + "Henry ____." + </p> + </blockquote> + </blockquote> + <p> + "This is much sooner than I looked for, Lorrequer, perhaps almost than I + wished; but as it has taken place, we must not decline the battle; now + what I wanted with you is this—if I go to Ireland I should like your + acceptance of the Private Secretary's Office. Come, come, no objections; + you know that you need not leave the army, you can become unattached, I'll + arrange all that; apropos, this concerns you, it is from the Horse Guards, + you need not read it now though, it is merely your gazette to the company; + your promotion, however, shall not stop there; however, the important + thing I want with you is this, I wish you to start for England to-morrow; + circumstances prevent my going from this for a few days. You can see L____ + and W____, , and explain all I have to say; I shall write a few letters, + and some hints for your own guidance; and as Kilkee never would have head + for these matters, I look to your friendship to do it for me." + </p> + <p> + Looking only to the post, as the proposal suited my already made resolve + to quit Munich, I acceded at once, and assured Lord Callonby that I should + be ready in an hour. + </p> + <p> + "Quite right, Lorrequer, but still I shall not need this, you cannot leave + before eleven or twelve o'clock, in fact I have another service to exact + at your hands before we part with you; meanwhile, try and get some sleep, + you are not likely to know anything of a bed before you reach the + Clarendon." So saying, he hurried me from the room, and as he closed the + door, I heard him muttering his satisfaction, that already so far all had + been well arranged. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + <a name="ch55" id="ch55"></a>CHAPTER LV. + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + CONCLUSION. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + Sleep came on me, without my feeling it, and amid all the distracting + cares and pressing thoughts that embarrassed me, I only awoke when the + roll of the caleche sounded beneath my window, and warned me that I must + be stirring and ready for the road. + </p> + <p> + Since it is to be thus, thought I, it is much better that this opportunity + should occur of my getting away at once, and thus obviate all the + unpleasantness of my future meeting with Lady Jane; and the thousand + conjectures that my departure, so sudden and unannounced might give rise + to. So be it, and I have now only one hope more—that the terms we + last parted on, may prevent her appearing at the breakfast table; with + these words I entered the room, where the Callonbys were assembled, all + save Lady Jane. + </p> + <p> + "This is too provoking; really, Mr. Lorrequer," said Lady Callonby, with + her sweetest smile, and most civil manner, "quite too bad to lose you now, + that you have just joined us." + </p> + <p> + "Come, no tampering with our party," said Lord Callonby, "my friend here + must not be seduced by honied words and soft speeches, from the high road + that leads to honours and distinctions—now for your instructions." + Here his lordship entered into a very deep discussion as to the conditions + upon which his support might be expected, and relied upon, which Kilkee + from time to time interrupted by certain quizzing allusions to the low + price he put upon his services, and suggested that a mission for myself + should certainly enter into the compact. + </p> + <p> + At length breakfast was over, and Lord Callonby said, "now make your + adieux, and let me see you for a moment in Sir Guy's room, we have a + little discussion there, in which your assistance is wanting." I + accordingly took my farewell of Lady Callonby, and approached to do so to + Lady Jane, but much to my surprise, she made me a very distant salute, and + said in her coldest tone, "I hope you may have a pleasant journey." Before + I had recovered my surprise at this movement, Kilkee came forward and + offered to accompany me a few miles of the road. I accepted readily the + kind offer, and once more bowing to the ladies, withdrew. And thus it is, + thought I, that I leave all my long dreamed of happiness, and such is the + end of many a long day's ardent expectation. When I entered my uncle's + room, my temper was certainly not in the mood most fit for further trials, + though it was doomed to meet them. + </p> + <p> + "Harry, my boy, we are in great want of you here, and as time presses, we + must state our case very briefly. You are aware, Sir Guy tells me, that + your cousin Guy has been received among us as the suitor of my eldest + daughter. It has been an old compact between us to unite our families by + ties still stronger than our very ancient friendship, and this match has + been accordingly looked to, by us both with much anxiety. Now, although on + our parts I think no obstacle intervenes, yet I am sorry to say, there + appear difficulties in other quarters. In fact, certain stories have + reached Lady Jane's ears concerning your cousin, which have greatly + prejudiced her against him, and we have reason to think most unfairly; for + we have succeeded in tracing some of the offences in question, not to Guy, + but to a Mr. Morewood, who it seems has personated your cousin upon more + than one occasion, and not a little to his disadvantage. Now we wish you + to sift these matters to the bottom, by your going to Paris as soon as you + can venture to leave London—find out this man, and if possible, make + all straight; if money is wanting, he must of course have it; but bear one + thing in mind, that any possible step which may remove this unhappy + impression from my daughter's mind, will be of infinite service, and never + forgotten by us. Kilkee too has taken some dislike to Guy. You have only, + however, to talk to him on the matter, and he is sure to pay attention to + you." + </p> + <p> + "And, Harry," said my uncle, "tell Guy, I am much displeased that he is + not here, I expected him to leave Paris with me, but some absurd wager at + the Jockey Club detained him." + </p> + <p> + "Another thing, Harry, you may as well mention to your cousin, that Sir + Guy has complied with every suggestion that he formerly threw out—he + will understand the allusion." + </p> + <p> + "Oh yes," said my uncle, "tell him roundly, he shall have Elton Hall; I + have fitted up Marsden for myself; so no difficulty lies in that quarter." + </p> + <p> + "You may add, if you like, that my present position with the government + enables me to offer him a speedy prospect of a Regiment, and that I think + he had better not leave the army." + </p> + <p> + "And say that by next post Hamercloth's bond for the six thousand shall be + paid off, and let him send me a note of any other large sum he owes." + </p> + <p> + "And above all things, no more delays. I must leave this for England + inevitably, and as the ladies will probably prefer wintering in Italy—" + </p> + <p> + "Oh certainly," said my uncle, "the wedding must take place." + </p> + <p> + "I scarcely can ask you to come to us on the occasion, though I need not + say how greatly we should all feel gratified if you could do so," said my + Lord. + </p> + <p> + While this cross fire went on from both sides, I looked from one to the + other of the speakers. My first impression being, that having perceived + and disliked my attention to Lady Jane, they adopted this "mauvaise + plaisanterie" as a kind of smart lesson for my future guidance. My next + impression was that they were really in earnest, but about the very + stupidest pair of old gentlemen that ever wore hair powder. + </p> + <p> + "And this is all," said I, drawing a long breath, and inwardly uttering a + short prayer for patience. + </p> + <p> + "Why, I believe, I have mentioned everything," said Lord Callonby, "except + that if anything occurs to yourself that offers a prospect of forwarding + this affair, we leave you a carte blanche to adopt it." + </p> + <p> + "Of course, then," said I, "I am to understand that as no other + difficulties lie in the way than those your Lordship has mentioned, the + feelings of the parties, their affections are mutual." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, of course, your cousin, I suppose, has made himself agreeable; he is + a good looking fellow, and in fact, I am not aware, why they should not + like each other, eh Sir Guy?" + </p> + <p> + "To be sure, and the Elton estates run half the shire with your Gloucester + property; never was there a more suitable match." + </p> + <p> + "Then only one point remains, and that being complied with, you may reckon + upon my services; nay, more, I promise you success. Lady Jane's own + consent must be previously assured to me, without this, I most positively + decline moving a step in the matter; that once obtained, freely and + without constraint, I pledge myself to do all you require." + </p> + <p> + "Quite fair, Harry, I perfectly approve of your scruples," so saying, his + Lordship rose and left the room. + </p> + <p> + "Well, Harry, and yourself, what is to be done for you, has Callonby + offered you anything yet?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes sir, his Lordship has most kindly offered me the under secretaryship + in Ireland, but I have resolved on declining it, though I shall not at + present say so, lest he should feel any delicacy in employing me upon the + present occasion." + </p> + <p> + "Why, is the boy deranged—decline it—what have you got in the + world, that you should refuse such an appointment." + </p> + <p> + The colour mounted to my cheeks, my temples burned, and what I should have + replied to this taunt, I know not, for passion had completely mastered me. + When Lord Callonby again entered the room, his usually calm and pale face + was agitated and flushed; and his manner tremulous and hurried; for an + instant he was silent, then turning towards my uncle, he took his hand + affectionately, and said, + </p> + <p> + "My good old friend, I am deeply, deeply grieved; but we must abandon this + scheme. I have just seen my daughter, and from the few words which we have + had together, I find that her dislike to the match is invincible, and in + fact, she has obtained my promise never again to allude to it. If I were + willing to constrain the feelings of my child, you yourself would not + permit it. So here let us forget that we ever hoped for, ever calculated + on a plan in which both our hearts were so deeply interested." + </p> + <p> + These words, few as they were, were spoken with deep feeling, and for the + first time, I looked upon the speaker with sincere regard. They were both + silent for some minutes; Sir Guy, who was himself much agitated, spoke + first. + </p> + <p> + "So be it then, Callonby, and thus do I relinquish one—perhaps the + only cheering prospect my advanced age held out to me. I have long wished + to have your daughter for my niece, and since I have known her, the wish + has increased tenfold." + </p> + <p> + "It was the chosen dream of all my anticipations," said Lord Callonby, + "and now Jane's affections only—but let it pass." + </p> + <p> + "And is there then really no remedy, can nothing be struck out?" + </p> + <p> + "Nothing." + </p> + <p> + "I am not quite so sure, my Lord," said I tremulously. + </p> + <p> + "No, no, Lorrequer, you are a ready witted fellow I know, but this passes + even your ingenuity, besides I have given her my word." + </p> + <p> + "Even so." + </p> + <p> + "Why, what do you mean, speak out man," said Sir Guy, "I'll give you ten + thousand pounds on the spot if you suggest a means of overcoming this + difficulty." + </p> + <p> + "Perhaps you might not accede afterwards." + </p> + <p> + "I pledge myself to it." + </p> + <p> + "And I too," said Lord Callonby, "if no unfair stratagem be resorted to + towards my daughter. If she only give her free and willing consent, I + agree." + </p> + <p> + "Then you must bid higher, uncle, ten thousand won't do, for the bargain + is well worth the money." + </p> + <p> + "Name your price, boy, and keep your word." + </p> + <p> + "Agreed then," holding my uncle to his promise, "I pledge myself that his + nephew shall be husband of Lady Jane Callonby, and now, my Lord, read + Harry vice Guy in the contract, and I am certain my uncle is too faithful + to his plighted word, and too true to his promise not to say it shall be." + </p> + <p> + The suddenness of this rash declaration absolutely stunned them both, and + then recovering at the same moment, their eyes met. + </p> + <p> + "Fairly caught, Guy" said Lord Callonby, "a bold stroke if it only + succeeds." + </p> + <p> + "And it shall, by G—," said my uncle, "Elton is yours, Harry, and + with seven thousand a year, and my nephew to boot, Callonby won't refuse + you." + </p> + <p> + There are moments in life in which conviction will follow a bold "coup de + main," that never would have ensued from the slow process of reasoning. + Luckily for me, this was one of those happy intervals. Lord Callonby + catching my uncle's enthusiasm, seized me by the hand and said, + </p> + <p> + "With her consent, Lorrequer, you may count upon mine, and faith if truth + must be told, I always preferred you to the other." + </p> + <p> + What my uncle added, I waited not to listen to; but with one bound sprung + from the room—dashed up stairs to Lady Callonby's drawing-room—looked + rapidly around to see if SHE were there, and then without paying the + slightest attention to the questions of Lady Callonby and her younger + daughter, was turning to leave the room, when my eye caught the flutter of + a Cachmere shawl in the garden beneath. In an instant the window was torn + open—I stood upon the sill, and though the fall was some twenty + feet, with one spring I took it, and before the ladies had recovered from + their first surprise at my unaccountable conduct, put the finishing stroke + to their amazement, by throwing my arms around Lady Jane, and clasping her + to my heart. + </p> + <p> + I cannot remember by what process I explained the change that had taken + place in my fortunes. I had some very vague recollection of vows of + eternal love being mingled with praises of my worthy uncle, and the state + of my affections and finances were jumbled up together, but still + sufficiently intelligible to satisfy my beloved Jane—that this time + at least, I made love with something more than my own consent to support + me. Before we had walked half round the garden, she had promised to be + mine; and Harry Lorrequer, who rose that morning with nothing but despair + and darkness before him, was now the happiest of men. + </p> + <p> + Dear reader, I have little more to confess. Lord Callonby's politics were + fortunately deemed of more moment than maidenly scruples, and the treasury + benches more respected than the trousseau. Our wedding was therefore + settled for the following week. Meanwhile, every day seemed to teem with + its own meed of good fortune. My good uncle, under whose patronage, forty + odd years before, Colonel Kamworth had obtained his commission, undertook + to effect the reconciliation between him and the Wallers, who now only + waited for our wedding, before they set out for Hydrabad cottage, that + snug receptacle of Curry and Madeira, Jack confessing that he had rather + listen to the siege of Java, by that fire-side, than hear an account of + Waterloo from the lips of the great Duke himself. + </p> + <p> + I wrote to Trevanion to invite him to Munich for the ceremony, and the + same post which informed me that he was en route to join us, brought also + a letter from my eccentric friend O'Leary, whose name having so often + occurred in these confessions, I am tempted to read aloud, the more so as + its contents are no secret, Kilkee having insisted upon reading it to a + committee of the whole family assembled after dinner. + </p> + <blockquote> + <blockquote> + <p> + "Dear Lorrequer, + </p> + <p> + "The trial is over, and I am acquitted, but still in St. Pelagie; for + as the government were determined to cut my head off if guilty, so the + mob resolved to murder me if innocent. A pleasant place this: before + the trial, I was the most popular man in Paris; my face was in every + print shop; plaster busts of me, with a great organ behind the ear, in + all the thoroughfares; my autograph selling at six and twenty sous, + and a lock of my hair at five francs. Now that it is proved I did not + murder the "minister at war," (who is in excellent health and spirits) + the popular feeling against me is very violent; and I am looked upon + as an imposter, who obtained his notoriety under false pretences; and + Vernet, who had begun my picture for a Judas, has left off in disgust. + Your friend Trevanion is a trump; he procured a Tipperary gentleman to + run away with Mrs. Ram, and they were married at Frankfort, on Tuesday + last. By the by, what an escape you had of Emily: she was only + quizzing you all the time. She is engaged to be married to Tom + O'Flaherty, who is here now. Emily's imitation of you, with the hat a + little on one side, and a handkerchief flourishing away in one hand, + is capital; but when she kneels down and says, 'dearest Emily, ' you'd + swear it was yourself."—[Here the laughter of the auditory + prevented Kilkee proceeding, who, to my utter confusion, resumed after + a little.]—"Don't be losing your time making up to Lord + Callonby's daughter"—[here came another burst of laughter]—"they + say here you have not a chance, and moreover she's a downright flirt."—["It + is your turn now, Jane," said Kilkee, scarcely able to proceed.]—"Besides + that, her father's a pompous old Tory, that won't give a sixpence with + her; and the old curmudgeon, your uncle, has as much idea of providing + for you, as he has of dying."—[This last sally absolutely + convulsed all parties.]—"To be sure Kilkee's a fool, but he is + no use to you."—["Begad I thought I was going to escape," said + the individual alluded to, "but your friend O'Leary cuts on every side + of him."] The letter, after some very grave reflections upon the + hopelessness of my pursuit, concluded with a kind pledge to meet me + soon, and become my travelling companion. Meanwhile, added he, "I must + cross over to London, and look after my new work, which is to come out + soon, under the title of 'the Loiterings of Arthur O'Leary.'" + </p> + </blockquote> + </blockquote> + <p> + This elegant epistle formed the subject of much laughter and conversation + amongst us long after it was concluded; and little triumph could be + claimed by any party, when nearly all were so roughly handled. So passed + the last evening I spent in Munich—the next morning I was married. + </p> + <p> + THE END. <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> +EBOOK EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS FOR ALL VOLUMES: + +A c'est egal, mam'selle, they don't mind these things in France +A rather unlady-like fondness for snuff +A crowd is a mob, if composed even of bishops +Accept of benefits with a tone of dissatisfaction +Accustomed to the slowness and the uncertainty of the law +Air of one who seeks to consume than enjoy his time +Always a pleasure felt in the misfortunes of even our best friend +Amount of children which is algebraically expressed by an X +And some did pray—who never prayed before +Annoyance of her vulgar loquacity +Brought a punishment far exceeding the merits of the case +Chateaux en Espagne +Chew over the cud of his misfortune +Daily association sustains the interest of the veriest trifles +Dear, dirty Dublin—Io te salute +Delectable modes of getting over the ground through life +Devilish hot work, this, said the colonel +Disputing "one brandy too much" in his bill +Empty, valueless, heartless flirtation +Ending—I never yet met the man who could tell when it ended +Enjoy the name without the gain +Enough is as good as a feast +Escaped shot and shell to fall less gloriously beneath champagne +Every misfortune has an end at last +Exclaimed with Othello himself, "Chaos was come again;" +Fearful of a self-deception where so much was at stake +Fighting like devils for conciliation +Finish in sorrow what you have begun in folly +Gardez vous des femmes, and more especially if they be Irish +Green silk, "a little off the grass, and on the bottle" +Had a most remarkable talent for selecting a son-in-law +Had to hear the "proud man's contumely" +Half pleased and whole frightened with the labour before him +Has but one fault, but that fault is a grand one +Hating each other for the love of God +He first butthers them up, and then slithers them down +He was very much disguised in drink +How ingenious is self-deception +If such be a sin, "then heaven help the wicked" +Indifferent to the many rebuffs she momentarily encountered +Involuntary satisfaction at some apparent obstacle to my path +Jaunting-cars, with three on a side and "one in the well" +Least important functionaries took the greatest airs upon them +Levelling character of a taste for play +Listen to reason, as they would call it in Ireland +Memory of them when hallowed by time or distance +Might almost excite compassion even in an enemy +Misfortune will find you out, if ye were hid in a tay chest +Mistaking zeal for inclination +Mistaking your abstraction for attention +My English proves me Irish +My French always shows me to be English +Never able to restrain myself from a propensity to make love +Nine-inside leathern "conveniency," bumping ten miles an hour +No equanimity like his who acts as your second in a duel +Nothing seemed extravagant to hopes so well founded +Nothing ever makes a man so agreeable as the belief that he is +Now, young ladies, come along, and learn something, if you can +Oh, the distance is nothing, but it is the pace that kills +Opportunely been so overpowered as to fall senseless +Other bottle of claret that lies beyond the frontier of prudence +Packed jury of her relatives, who rarely recommend you to mercy +Pleased are we ever to paint the past according to our own fancy +Profoundly and learnedly engaged in discussing medicine +Profuse in his legends of his own doings in love and war +Rather better than people with better coats on them +Rather a dabbler in the "ologies" +Recovered as much of their senses as the wine had left them +Respectable heir-loom of infirmity +Seems ever to accompany dullness a sustaining power of vanity +Sixteenthly, like a Presbyterian minister's sermon +Stoicism which preludes sending your friend out of the world +Strong opinions against tobacco within doors +Suppose I have laughed at better men than ever he was +Sure if he did, doesn't he take it out o' me in the corns? +That vanity which wine inspires +That "to stand was to fall," +That land of punch, priests, and potatoes +The divil a bit better she was nor a pronoun +The tone of assumed compassion +The "fat, fair, and forty" category +There are unhappily impracticable people in the world +There is no infatuation like the taste for flirtation +They were so perfectly contented with their self-deception +Time, that 'pregnant old gentleman,' will disclose all +Unwashed hands, and a heavy gold ring upon his thumb +Vagabond if Providence had not made me a justice of the peace +We pass a considerable portion of our lives in a mimic warfare +What will not habit accomplish +What we wish, we readily believe +What we wish we readily believe +When you pretended to be pleased, unluckily, I believed you +Whenever he was sober his poverty disgusted him +Whiskey, the appropriate liquor in all treaties of this nature +Whose paraphrase of the book of Job was refused +Wretched, gloomy-looking picture of woe-begone poverty + +</pre> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Confessions of Harry Lorrequer, +Complete, by Charles James Lever (1806-1872) + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HARRY LORREQUER, COMPLETE *** + +***** This file should be named 5240-h.htm or 5240-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.net/5/2/4/5240/ + +Produced by Mary Munarin and David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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