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+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #52060 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/52060)
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-The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Sorceress (complete), by Margaret Oliphant
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
-almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
-re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
-with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license
-
-
-Title: The Sorceress (complete)
-
-Author: Margaret Oliphant
-
-Release Date: May 13, 2016 [EBook #52060]
-
-Language: English
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-Character set encoding: UTF-8
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-*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SORCERESS (COMPLETE) ***
-
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-Produced by Chuck Greif and the Online Distributed
-Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was
-produced from images available at The Internet Archive)
-
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-
-
- THE SORCERESS
-
-
-
- THE SORCERESS
-
- BY
-
- MRS. OLIPHANT
-
- AUTHOR OF
-
- "THE SON OF HIS FATHER," "THE CHRONICLES OF CARLINFORD,"
- "THE ROSE IN JUNE," "THE GREATEST HEIRESS IN ENGLAND,"
- "WHITELADIES," "WITHIN THE PRECINCTS," "IT WAS A
- LOVER AND HIS LASS," "ADAM GRAEME,"
- ETC., ETC.
-
- NEW YORK
- JOHN A. TAYLOR AND COMPANY
- 119 POTTER BULDING
-
-
- COPYRIGHT, 1893, BY
- JOHN A: TAYLOR AND COMPANY
-
-
-
-
-THE SORCERESS
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER I.
-
-
-It was the most exciting event which had ever occurred in the family,
-and everything was affected by it.
-
-Imagine to yourselves such a young family, all in the very heyday of
-life, parents and children alike. It is true that Mrs. Kingsward was
-something of an invalid, but nobody believed that her illness was
-anything very serious, only a reason why she should be taken abroad, to
-one place after another, to the great enjoyment of the girls, who were
-never so happy as when they were travelling and gaining, as they said,
-experience of life. She was not yet forty, while Charlie was twenty-one
-and Bee nineteen, so that virtually they were all of the same age, so to
-speak, and enjoyed everything together--mamma by no means put aside into
-the ranks of the dowagers, but going everywhere and doing everything
-just like the rest, and as much admired as anyone.
-
-To be sure she had not been able to walk about so much this time, and
-had not danced once, except a single turn with Charlie, which brought on
-a palpitation, so that she declared with a laugh that her dancing days
-were over. Her dancing days over! Considering how fond she had always
-been of dancing, the three young people laughed over this, and did not
-take the least alarm. Mamma had always been the ringleader in
-everything, even in the romps with the little ones at home. For you must
-not think that these three were all of the family by any means.
-
-Bee and Betty were the eldest of I can’t at this moment tell how many,
-who were safe in the big nursery at Kingswarden under the charge (very
-partial) of papa, and the strict and steady rule of nurse, who was a
-personage of high authority in the house. Papa had but lately left “the
-elder ones,” as he called them, including his pretty wife--and had gone
-back to his work, which was that of an official at the Horse Guards, in
-some military department of which I don’t even know the name, for I
-doubt whether the Intelligence Department, which satisfies all the
-necessities of description, had been invented in those days.
-
-Colonel Kingsward was a distinguished officer, and the occasion of great
-_éclat_ to the little group when he showed himself at their head,
-drawing round him a sort of cloud of foreign officers wherever he went,
-which Bee and Betty appreciated largely, and to which Mrs. Kingsward
-herself did not object; for they all liked the clank of spurs, as was
-natural, and the endless ranks of partners, attendants in the gardens,
-and general escort and retinue thus provided. It was not, however, among
-these officers, red, blue, green, and white--of all the colours in the
-rainbow--that Bee had found her fate. For I need scarcely say it was a
-proposal which had turned everything upside down and filled the little
-party with excitement.
-
-A proposal! The first in the family! Mamma’s head was as much turned by
-it as Bee’s. She lay on the sofa in her white dressing gown, so flushed
-with happiness and amusement and excitement, that you would have
-supposed it was she who was to be the bride.
-
-And then it was so satisfactory a thing all round. If ever Mrs.
-Kingsward had held anyone at arm’s length in her life it was a certain
-captain of Dragoons who had clanked about everywhere after her daughters
-and herself for three weeks past. The moment they had appeared anywhere,
-even at the springs, where she went to drink her morning glass of
-disagreeable warm water, at the concert in the afternoon, in “the rooms”
-at night, not to speak of every picnic and riding party, this tall
-figure would jump up like a jack-in-a-box. And there was no doubt that
-the girls were rather pleased than otherwise to see him jump up. He was
-six foot two at least, with a moustache nearly a yard long, curling in a
-tawny and powerful twist over his upper lip. He had half-a-dozen medals
-on his breast; his uniform was a compound of white and silver, with a
-helmet that literally blazed in the sun, and his spurs clanked louder
-than any other spurs in the gardens. The only thing that was wanting to
-him was a very little thing--a thing that an uninstructed English person
-might not have thought of at all--but which was a painful thing in his
-own troubled consciousness, and in that of the regiment, and even was
-doubtful to the English friends who had picked up, as was natural, all
-the prejudices of the class into which their own position brought them.
-
-Poor Captain Kreutzner, I blush to say it, had no “Von” to his name.
-Nobody could deny that he was a distinguished officer, the hope of the
-army in his branch of the service; but when Mrs. Kingsward thought how
-the Colonel would look if he heard his daughter announced as Madame
-Kreutzner _tout court_ in a London drawing-room, her heart sank within
-her, and a cold perspiration came out upon her forehead. “And I don’t
-believe Bee would care,” she cried, turning to her son for sympathy.
-
-Charlie was so well brought up a young man that he cared very much, and
-gave his mother all the weight of his support. His office it was to
-beguile Captain Kreutzner as to the movements of the party, to keep off
-that bold dragoon as much as was possible; when, lo! all their
-precautions were rendered unnecessary by the arrival of the real man
-from quite another quarter, at once, and in a moment cutting the Captain
-out!
-
-There was one thing Mrs. Kingsward could never be sufficiently thankful
-for in the light of after events, and that was, that it was Colonel
-Kingsward himself who introduced Mr. Aubrey Leigh to the family. He was
-a young man who was travelling for the good of his health, or rather for
-the good of his mind, poor fellow, as might be seen at a glance. He was
-still in deep mourning when he presented himself at the hotel, and his
-countenance was as serious as his hatband. Nevertheless, he had not been
-long among them before Bee taught him how to smile, even to laugh,
-though at first with many hesitations and rapid resuming of a still
-deeper tinge of gravity, as if asking pardon of some beloved object for
-whom he would not permit even himself to suppose that he had ceased to
-mourn. This way he had of falling into sudden gravity continued with him
-even when it was evident that every decorum required from him that he
-should cease to mourn. Perhaps it was one of the things that most
-attracted Bee, who had a touch of the sentimental in her character, as
-all young ladies had in those days, when Mrs. Hemans and L. E. L. were
-the favourite poets whom young ladies were expected to read. Well
-brought up girls were not permitted, I need not say, to read Byron.
-Shelley was a name of fear, and the poems of Mr. Thomas Campbell, not to
-say Mr. Thomas Moore (carefully selected) were likely to promote that
-quality.
-
-The pale young man, with his black coat, his hatband, his look of
-melancholy, drove out the image of the Captain at once from Bee’s mind.
-She had perhaps had enough of captains, fine uniforms, spurs, and all.
-They had become what modern levity calls a drug in the market. They made
-_Fenster_ parade all day long under her windows; they thronged upon her
-steps in the gardens; they tore the flounces from her tarlatan into
-pieces at the balls. It was something far more original to sit out in
-the moonlight and look at the moon with a sorrowful young hero, who
-gradually woke up into life under her hand. Poor, poor boy!--so young
-and so melancholy!--who had gone through so much!--who was really so
-handsome when the veil of grief began to blow away!--who had such a
-pretty name!
-
-Bee was only nineteen. She had mocked and charmed and laughed at a whole
-generation of young officers, thinking of nothing but picnics and dinner
-parties and balls. She wanted something new upon which to try her little
-hand--and now it was thrown, just when she felt the need, in her way.
-She had turned a young fool’s head several times, so that the operation
-had lost its charm. But to bring a sad man back to life, to drive away
-sorrow, to teach him to hold up his head again, to learn how sweet it
-was to live and smile, and ride and run about this beautiful world, and
-wake every day to a new pleasure--that was something she felt worthy of
-a woman’s powers. And she did it with such effect that Mr. Aubrey Leigh
-went on improving for three weeks more, and finally ended up with that
-proposal which was to the Kingsward family in general the most amusing,
-the most exciting, the most delightful incident in the world.
-
-And yet, of course, it was attended with a certain amount of anxiety
-which in her--temporarily--invalid state was not very good for mamma.
-Everybody insisted on all occasions that it was a most temporary state,
-and that by the end of the summer she would be all right--the
-palpitations quite calmed down, the flush--which made her so pretty--a
-little subdued, and herself as strong as ever. But in the meantime this
-delightful romantic incident, which certainly acted upon her like a
-glass of champagne, raising her spirits, brought her some care as well.
-Her first interview was of course with Bee, and took place in the
-privacy of her chamber, where she cross-examined her daughter as much as
-was compatible with the relations between them--- which indeed were
-rather those of companions and comrades than of mother and daughter.
-
-“Now, Bee, my dear child,” she said, “remember you have always been a
-little rover, and Mr. Leigh is so quiet. Do you think you really,
-really, can devote yourself to him, and never think of another man all
-your life?”
-
-“Mamma,” said Bee, “if you were not such a dear I should think you were
-very insulting. Another man! Why, where should I find another man in the
-world that was fit to tie Aubrey’s shoe?”
-
-“Well,” said Mrs. Kingsward, dubiously; but she added, after a moment,
-“You know, darling, that’s not quite the question. If you did find in
-the after ages a man that perhaps was--fit to tie Mr. Leigh’s shoe?”
-
-“Why in all this world, _petite mère_, will you go on calling him Mr.
-Leigh?”
-
-“Well, well,” said Mrs. Kingsward; “but I don’t feel,” she said again,
-after a moment’s hesitation, “that I ought to go so far as to call him
-Aubrey until we have heard from papa.”
-
-“What could papa find to object to?” said Bee. “Why, it was he who
-introduced him to us! We should not have known Aubrey, and I should
-never have been the happiest girl in the world, if it had not been for
-papa. Dear papa! I know what he’ll say: ‘I can’t understand, my dear,
-why you should hesitate for a moment. Of course, you don’t suppose I
-should have introduced Mr. Leigh to my family without first
-ascertaining, &c., &c.’ That, of course, is what papa will say.”
-
-“I dare say you are right, Bee. It is quite what I expect, for, of
-course, a man with girls knows what it is, though for my part I confess
-I always thought it would be a soldier--Captain Kreutzner or Otto
-von----”
-
-“Mamma!” cried Bee, almost violently, light flashing out of the blue
-eyes, which were so bright even on ordinary occasions as to dazzle the
-beholder--you may imagine what fire came out of them now--“as if I
-should ever have looked twice at one of those big, brainless, clinking
-and clanking Germans. (N.B.--Mr. Aubrey Leigh was not tall.) No! Though
-I may like foreigners well enough because it’s amusing to talk their
-language and to feel that one has such an advantage in knowing German
-and all that--yet, when it comes to be a question of spending one’s
-life, an Englishman for me!”
-
-Thus, it will be seen, Bee forestalled the patriotic sentiments of a
-later generation by resolving, in spite of all temptations, to belong to
-other nations--to select an Englishman for her partner in life. It is
-doubtful, however, how far this virtuous resolution had existed in her
-mind before the advent of Aubrey Leigh.
-
-“I am sure I am very glad, Bee,” said her mother, “for I always had a
-dread that you would be snatched off somewhere to--Styria or Dalecarlia,
-or heaven knows where--(these were the first out-of-the-way names that
-came to Mrs. Kingsward’s mind; but I don’t know that they were
-altogether without reference or possibilities), where one would have had
-no chance of seeing you more than once in two or three years. I am very
-thankful it is to be an Englishman--or at least I shall be,” she added,
-with a sigh of suspense, “as soon as I have heard from papa----”
-
-“One would think, _Mütterchen_, that you were frightened for papa.”
-
-“I shouldn’t like you ever to try and go against him, Bee!”
-
-“Oh, no,” said Bee, lightly, “of course I shouldn’t think of going
-against him--is the inquisition over?--for I promised,” she said, with a
-laugh and a blush, “to walk down with Aubrey as far as the river. He
-likes that so much better than those noisy blazing gardens, with no
-shade except under those stuffy trees--and so do I.”
-
-“Do you really, Bee? I thought you thought it was so nice sitting under
-the trees----”
-
-“With all the _gnadige_ Fraus knitting, and all the _wohlgeborne_ Herrs
-smoking. No, indeed, I always hated it!” said Bee.
-
-She jumped up from where she had been sitting on a stool by her mother’s
-sofa, and took her hat, which she had thrown down on the table. It was a
-broad, flexible, Leghorn hat, bought in Florence, with a broad blue
-ribbon--the colour of her eyes, as had often been said--floating in two
-long streamers behind. She had a sash of the same colour round the
-simple waist of her white frock. That is how girls were dressed in the
-early days of Victoria. These were the days of simplicity, and people
-liked it, seeing it was the fashion, as much as they liked crinolines
-and chignons when such ornamental arrangements “came in.” It does not
-become one period to boast itself over another, for fashion will still
-be lord--or lady--of all.
-
-Mrs. Kingsward looked with real pleasure at her pretty daughter,
-thinking how well she looked. She wore very nearly the same costume
-herself, and she knew that it also looked very well on her. Bee’s eyes
-were shining, blazing with brightness and happiness and love and fun and
-youth. She was not a creature of perfect features, or matchless beauty,
-as all the heroines were in the novels of her day, and she was conscious
-of a great many shortcomings from that high standard. She was not tall
-enough--which, perhaps, however, in view of the defective stature of Mr.
-Aubrey Leigh was not so great a disadvantage--and she was neither fair
-enough nor dark enough for a Minna or a Brenda, the definite and
-distinct blonde and brunette, which were the ideal of the time; and she
-was not at all aware that her irregularity, and her mingling of styles,
-and her possession of no style in particular, were her great charms. She
-was not a great beauty, but she was a very pretty girl with the
-additional attraction of those blue diamonds of eyes, the sparkle of
-which, when my young lady was angry or when she was excited in any more
-pleasurable way, was a sight to see.
-
-“All that’s very well, my dear,” said Mrs. Kingsward, “but you’ve never
-answered my question: and I hope you’ll make quite, quite sure before
-it’s all settled that you do like Aubrey Leigh above everybody in the
-world.”
-
-“_A la bonne heure_,” said Bee; “you have called him Aubrey at last,
-without waiting to know what papa will say;” with which words she gave
-her mother a flying kiss, and was gone in a moment, thinking very
-little, it must be allowed, of what papa might say.
-
-Mrs. Kingsward lay still for a little, and thought it all over after Bee
-was gone. She knew a little better than the others what her Colonel was,
-and that there were occasions on which he was not so easy to deal with
-as all the young ones supposed. She thought it all over from the moment
-that young Mr. Leigh had appeared on the scene. What a comfort it was
-to think that it was the Colonel himself who had introduced him! Of
-course, as Bee said, before presenting anyone to his wife and family,
-Colonel Kingsward would have ascertained, &c., &c. It was just how he
-would write no doubt. Still, a man may introduce another to his wife and
-family without being ready at once to accept him as a son-in-law. On the
-other hand, Colonel Kingsward knew well enough what is the possible
-penalty of such introductions. Young as Bee was, she had already
-attracted a good deal of attention, though this was the first time it
-had actually come to an offer. But Edward must surely have thought of
-that. She was, though it seemed so absurd, and though Bee had laughed at
-it, a little afraid of her husband. He had never had any occasion to be
-stern, yet he had it in him to be stern; and he would not hesitate to
-quench Bee’s young romance if he thought it right. And, on the other
-hand, Bee, though she was such a little thing, such a child, so full of
-fun and nonsense, had a spirit which would not yield as her mother’s
-did. Mrs. Kingsward drew another long fluttering sigh before she got up
-reluctantly in obedience to her maid, who came in with that other white
-gown, not unlike Bee’s, over her arm, to dress her mistress. She would
-have liked to lie still a little longer, to have finished the book she
-was reading, to have thought over the situation--anything, indeed, to
-justify her in keeping still upon the couch and being lazy, as she
-called it. Poor little mother! She had not been lazy, nor had the chance
-of being lazy much in her life. She had not begun to guess why it was
-she liked it so much now.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER II.
-
-
-I have now to explain how it was that Mr. Aubrey Leigh was so
-interesting and so melancholy, and thus awoke the friendship and
-compassion, and secured the ministrations of the Kingsward family. He
-was in deep mourning, for though he was only eight-and-twenty he was
-already a widower, and bereaved beside of his only child. Poor young
-man! He had married with every appearance of happiness and prosperity,
-but his wife had died at the end of the first year, leaving him with a
-baby on his inexperienced hands. He was a young man full of feeling,
-and, contrary to the advice of all his friends, he had shut himself up
-in his house in the country and dedicated himself to his child.
-Dedicated himself to a baby two months old!
-
-There was nobody who did not condemn this unnecessary self-sacrifice. He
-should have gone away; he should have left the child in the hands of its
-excellent nurse, under the supervision of that charming person who had
-been such a devoted nurse to dear Mrs. Leigh, and whom the desolate
-young widower had not the courage to send away from his house. Her
-presence there was a double reason, people said, why he should have gone
-away. For though his sorrow and trouble was so great that nobody for a
-moment supposed that he had any idea of such a thing, yet the presence
-of a lady, and of a lady still called by courtesy a young lady, though
-older than himself, and who could not be treated like a servant in his
-house, was embarrassing and not very seemly, everybody said. Suggestions
-were made to her that she should go away, but then she answered that she
-had nowhere to go to, and that she had promised to dear Amy never to
-forsake her child. The country ladies about who took an interest in the
-young man thought it was “just like” dear Amy, who had always been a
-rather silly young woman, to exact such a promise, but that Miss Lance
-would be quite justified in not keeping it, seeing the child had plenty
-of people to look after her--her grandmother within reach and her father
-dedicating himself to her.
-
-Miss Lance, however, did not see her duty in the same way; indeed, after
-the poor little child died--and there was no doubt she had been
-invaluable during its illness, and devoted herself to it as she had done
-to its mother--she stayed on still at Leigh Court, though now at last
-poor Aubrey was persuaded to go away. The mind of the county was
-relieved beyond description when at last he departed on his travels.
-These good people did not at all want to get up any scandal in their
-midst. They did not very much blame Miss Lance for declining to give up
-a comfortable home. They only felt it was dreadfully awkward and that
-something should be done about it, though nobody knew what to do. He had
-left home nearly six months before he appeared at the Baths with that
-letter to Mrs. Kingsward in his pocket, and the change and the travel
-had done him good.
-
-A young man of twenty-eight cannot go mourning all the days of his life
-for a baby of eight months old, and he had already begun to “get over”
-the death of his wife before the second event occurred. This troublous
-beginning of his life had left him very sad, with something of the
-feeling of a victim, far more badly treated than most in the beginning
-of his career. But this is not like real grief, which holds a man’s
-heart with a grip of steel. And he was in the stage when a man is ready
-to be consoled when Bee’s blue eyes first flashed upon him. The
-Kingswards had received him in these circumstances with more _abandon_
-than they would have done in any other. He was so melancholy; his
-confidences, when he began to make them, were so touching; his waking up
-to interest and happiness so delightful to see. And thus, before anyone
-had thoroughly realized it, the deed was done. They knew nothing about
-Miss Lance--as how should they?--and what could she have had to do with
-it if they had known?
-
-So there really was nothing but that doubt of Colonel Kingsward’s
-approval to alloy the pleasure of the party, and it was only Mrs.
-Kingsward who thought of it. Charlie pooh-poohed the idea altogether. “I
-think I should know my father better than anyone,” the young man said,
-with much scorn of his mother’s hesitation. He was very fond and very
-proud of his mother, but felt that as a man himself, he probably
-understood papa better than the ladies could. “Of course he will
-approve; why shouldn’t he approve? Leigh is a very decent fellow, though
-I don’t think all the world of him, as you girls do. Papa, of course,
-knew exactly what sort of a fellow he was; a little too quiet--not Bee’s
-sort at all. No, you may clamour as you like, but he’s not in the least
-Bee’s sort----”
-
-“I’m supposed to prefer a noisy trooper, I believe,” said Bee.
-
-“Well, I should have said that was more like it--but mind you, the
-governor would never have sent us out a man here who was not good enough
-for anything. Oh, I understand the old boy!”
-
-“Charlie, how dare you?” cried his mother; but the horror was modified
-by a laugh, for anything more unlike an old boy than Colonel Kingsward
-it would not have been very easy to conceive.
-
-“Well, mamma, you wouldn’t have me call him my honoured father, would
-you?” the young man said. He was at Oxford, and he thought himself on
-the whole not only by far the most solid and serious member of the
-present party, but on the whole rather more experienced in the world
-than the gentleman whom in the bosom of the family he still condescended
-to call “papa.”
-
-As for little Betty, who up to this time had been Bee’s shadow, and who
-had not yet begun to feel herself _de trop_, she, no more than her
-sister, was moved by any of these cares. She was wholly occupied in
-studying the new thing which had suddenly started into being before her
-eyes. Betty was of opinion that it was entirely got up for her amusement
-and instruction. When she and Bee were alone, she never ceased in her
-interrogatory. “Oh, Bee, when did you first begin to think about him
-like that? Oh, Bee, how did you first find out that he was thinking
-about you? Oh, Bee, don’t you mind that he was once in love before?”
-Such were the questions that poured in an incessant stream into Bee’s
-ears. That young lady was equal to them all, and she was not unwilling
-to let her sister share more or less in the new enlightenment that had
-come to herself.
-
-“When did I first begin to think of him?” she said. “Oh, Betty, the
-first minute I saw him coming through the garden with Charlie to speak
-to mamma! There were all those horrid men about, you remember, in those
-gaudy uniforms, and their swords and spurs, and so forth--such dreadful
-bad taste in foreigners always to be in uniform----”
-
-“But, Bee,” cried Betty, “why, I’ve heard you say----”
-
-“Oh, never mind what you’ve heard me say! I’ve been silly, I suppose, in
-my day, like almost everybody. Aubrey says he cannot think how they can
-live, always done up in those hot, stiff clothes--none of the ease of
-Englishmen about them.”
-
-“Papa says they are such soldier-like men,” says little Betty, who had
-not been converted from the _regime_ of the officers, like Bee.
-
-“Oh, well, papa--he is an officer himself, but he never wears his
-uniform when he can help it, you know.”
-
-“Well,” said Betty, “you may say what you like--for my part, I do love a
-nice uniform. I don’t want ever again to dance with a man in a black
-coat. But Bee, you’re too bad--you won’t say a word, and I want so to
-know how it all came about. What put it into your head? And what did you
-say to one another? And was it he that began first--or was it you?”
-
-“You little dreadful thing,” said Bee; “how could a girl ever begin? It
-shows how little you know! Of course he began; but we didn’t begin at
-all,” she said, after a pause, “it just came--all in a moment when I
-wasn’t thinking, and neither was he.”
-
-“Do you mean to say that he didn’t intend to propose to you?” said
-Betty, growing pale.
-
-“Oh!” said Bee, impatient, “as if proposing was all! Do you think he
-just came out with it point blank--‘Miss Kingsward, will you marry me?’”
-
-“Well,” said Betty: “what did he say then if he didn’t say that?”
-
-“Oh, you little goose!” said Bee.
-
-“I am sure if he had said ‘Oh, you little goose’ to me,” said Betty, “I
-should never have spoken a word to him again.”
-
-“It is no use talking to little girls,” said Bee, with a sigh. “You
-don’t understand; and, to be sure, how could you understand--at your age
-and all?”
-
-“Age!” said Betty, indignant, “there is but fifteen months between us,
-and I’ve always done everything with you. We’ve always had on new things
-together, and gone to the same places and everything. It is you that are
-very unkind now you have got engaged; and I do believe you like this big
-horrid man better than me.”
-
-“Oh, you little goose!” said Bee, again.
-
-“No, it isn’t a big but a little, horrid man. I made a mistake,” said
-Betty, “not like Captain Kreutzner that you used to like so much. It’s
-small people you care for now; not your own nice people like me and
-mamma, but a man that you had never heard the name of when you
-first came here, and now you quote and praise him, and make
-the most ridiculous fuss about him, even to Charlie, who is far
-nicer-looking!--and won’t even tell your sister what he says!”
-
-This argument came to so high a tone that mamma called out from her room
-to know what was amiss. “It does not become you girls to carry on your
-old scuffles and quarrels,” she said, “now that one of you, at least, is
-so grown up and about to take upon herself the responsibilities of
-life.”
-
-“Is Aubrey a responsibility?” Betty whispered in her sister’s ears.
-
-“Oh, you little silly thing!” Bee replied; and presently Mrs.
-Kingsward’s maid came in to say that Mr. Leigh was in the sitting-room,
-and would Miss Bee go to him as her mistress was not ready; for this was
-the little fiction that was kept up in those days before Colonel
-Kingsward’s letter had been received. It will be seen, however, that it
-was but a fiction, and that as a matter of fact there was very little
-restraint put on the young people’s intercourse. “You must not consider
-that anything is settled; you must not think there’s any engagement,”
-Mrs. Kingsward had said. “Indeed, indeed, I cannot take upon me to
-sanction anything till I hear from her papa.” But virtually they met as
-much as they liked, and even indulged in little talks apart, and
-meetings by themselves, before Mrs. Kingsward was ready; so that as a
-matter of fact this restriction did very little harm.
-
-And in due time Colonel Kingsward’s letter was received, and it was not
-unfavourable. The Colonel said that, on the whole, he should have
-preferred it had Mr. Leigh waited till they had all returned home. It
-would have been a seemly forbearance, and saved Mrs. Kingsward a great
-deal of anxiety; but as matters stood and as his dear wife approved, and
-he heard nothing but good of Mr. Leigh, he would not withdraw the
-provisional consent which she seemed to have given. “It will be
-expedient in the circumstances that you should all return home as soon
-as possible, that I may go into matters with the young man,” the Colonel
-added in that part of his letter which was not intended to be read to
-Aubrey Leigh. And he added, as Bee had prophesied, “You might have been
-sure that I should not introduce a young man to my family, and to
-yourself, my dear, without ascertaining previously,” etc., etc., just as
-Bee had said. He added, “Of course I never contemplated anything of this
-sort: but one can never tell what may happen when young people are
-thrown together. The property is a good one, and the young man
-unexceptionable, from all I can hear.” Then Mrs. Kingsward’s mind was
-set at ease. It seemed to Bee that her father might have said something
-on the subject of her happiness, and acknowledged Aubrey to be something
-more than an unexceptionable young man. It was inconceivable, she
-thought to herself, how cool people are when they come to that age. The
-property good, and the young man unexceptionable--was that all? Did papa
-take no more interest than that? But at all events the engagement was
-now quite permitted and acknowledged, and they might walk out together
-all day, and dance together all night, without a word said; for which
-Bee forgave and instantly forgot--it was really of so little
-importance--the coolness of papa.
-
-Mrs. Kingsward’s “cure” was over, and by this time most people were
-leaving the Bath. Our party made their preparations for leaving too, in
-the pleasantest way. It was not to be at all a rapid journey, which
-would not have been good for Mrs. Kingsward. They were to make their way
-at leisure from one beautiful old city to another across the breadth of
-Germany, staying a day here and a day there, travelling for the most
-part in a large, old-fashioned carriage, such as was the custom then,
-with a wide-hooded seat in front, like the _banquette_ of a French
-diligence, in which two people could be extremely happy, seeing the
-scenery much better than those inside could do, or perhaps not seeing
-the scenery at all, but occupying each other quite as agreeably with the
-endless talk of lovers, which is not interesting to anybody but
-themselves. Before they set out upon this journey, however, which was to
-hold so great a place in Bee’s life, a little incident occurred to her
-which did not appear to be of very much consequence, but which made some
-impression on her mind at the time, and vaguely appeared afterwards to
-throw light on various other events. The German Bath at which the
-little story of her love took place is surrounded with woods--woods of a
-kind that are never seen anywhere else, though they are the special
-feature of German Baths. They are chiefly composed of fir trees, and
-they are arranged upon the most strictly mathematical principles, with
-that precision which is dear to the German mind, row upon row standing
-close together, as if they had been stuck in so at their present height,
-with so many cubit feet of air to each, as in the London lodging-houses.
-They are traversed by broad roads, with benches at intervals, and at
-each corner there is a wooden board on which is painted indications how
-to find the nearest _restauration_ where beer is to be had, and the veal
-of the country--for the German, in his hours of ease and amusement, has
-continual occasion to be “restored.”
-
-Bee had gone out early in the morning to make a little sketch of an
-opening in the trees through which a village spire was visible. There
-were not many points for the artist in landscape, especially one of such
-moderate powers as Bee, and she was very anxious to finish this to
-present it, I need scarcely say, to Aubrey, as a memento of the place.
-Probably there was some other sentimental reason--such as that they had
-first spoken words of special meaning there, or had first exchanged
-looks that were of importance in their idyll, or some other incident of
-equal weight. She was seated on one of the benches, with her little
-colour box and bottle of water, giving the finishing touches to her
-sketch. Sooth to say, Bee was no great performer, and the ranks of the
-dark trees standing arithmetically apart to permit of that little
-glimpse of distance, were too much for her. They looked in her sketch
-like two dark green precipices rather than like trees, and had come to a
-very difficult point, when a lady coming along by one of the side walks,
-round the corner past the _restauration_, suddenly sat down by Bee’s
-side and startled her a little. She was not a girl who was easily
-frightened, but the suddenness of the apparition out of the silent
-morning when she had thought nobody was in sight was a little startling
-and made her hand shake.
-
-“I hope I am not intruding upon you,” the lady said.
-
-“Oh, no!” said Bee, looking up with her bright face. She was as fresh as
-the morning in her broad Leghorn hat with the blue ribbon, and her eyes
-that danced and sparkled. The stranger by her side was much older than
-Bee. She was a handsome woman; dark, with fine eyes, too, a sidelong
-look in them, and a curious half smile which was like La Gioconda, that
-famous picture Bee had seen in the Louvre, as we all have. She thought
-of La Gioconda at once, when she looked up into the lady’s face. She was
-entirely dressed in black, and there could not have been found anywhere
-a more perfect contrast to Bee.
-
-They got into conversation quite easily, for Bee was a girl who loved to
-talk. The lady gave her several hints about her little picture which Bee
-knew enough to know were dictated by superior knowledge, and then they
-got talking quite naturally about the place and the people who were
-there. After they had discussed the society and the number of English
-people at the Bath, and Bee had disclosed the hotel at which she was
-staying, and many details of her innocent life, which she was not at all
-conscious of disclosing--the stranger began to inquire about various
-people. It was not by any means at once that she introduced the name of
-Leigh; not indeed till she had been over the Reynoldses, and the
-Gainsboroughs, and the Collinses, under Bee’s exultant guidance and fine
-power of narrative; then she said tentatively, that there was she
-believed, at one of the hotels, a family of Leighs.
-
-“Oh!” cried Bee, her countenance flushing over with a sudden brilliant
-delightful blush, which seemed to envelop her from top to toe. She had
-been looking up into her companion’s face so that the stranger got the
-full benefit of this sudden resplendent change of colour. She then
-turned very demurely to her sketch, and said meekly, “I don’t know any
-family, but there is a Mr. Leigh at our hotel.”
-
-“Oh,” said the lady, but in a very different tone from Bee’s startled
-“oh!” She said it coldly, as if recording a fact. “I thought,” she said,
-“it was the Leighs of Hurstleigh, friends of mine. I may have been
-deceived by seeing the name in the lists.”
-
-“But I think, indeed I am sure, that Mr. Aubrey Leigh is connected with
-the Leighs of Hurstleigh,” Bee said.
-
-“Oh, a young man, a widower, an inconsolable; I think I remember hearing
-of him. Is that the man?”
-
-“I don’t know if he is an inconsolable,” cried Bee, with a quick
-movement of anger and then she thought how foolish that was, for of
-course a stranger like this could have no unkind meaning. She added with
-great gravity, “It is quite true that he has been married before.”
-
-Poor little Bee, she was not at all aware how she was betraying herself.
-She was more vexed and indignant than words can say, when the woman (who
-after all could not be a lady) burst into a laugh. “Oh! I think I can
-see how matters stand with Aubrey Leigh,” this impertinent intruder
-cried.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER III.
-
-
-It was just two days after the interview in the wood described above,
-that the Kingsward party got under weigh for home, accompanied, I need
-not say, by Aubrey Leigh. Bee had not told him of that chance meeting,
-restrained I do not know by what indefinite feeling that he would not
-care to hear of it, and also by the sensation that she had as good as
-told the lady, who was so disagreeable and impertinent as to laugh, what
-change had taken place in Aubrey’s sentiments, and what she had herself
-to do with that change. It was so silly, oh, so silly of her, and yet
-she had said nothing, or next to nothing. And there was no reason why
-she should not have said whatever she pleased, now that the engagement
-was fully acknowledged and known; indeed, if that woman were in any
-society at all, she must have heard of it, seeing that, as Bee was
-aware, not without pleasure, it had afforded a very agreeable diversion
-to the floating community, a pleasant episode in the tittle-tattle of
-the gardens and the wells. Bee had no absurd objection to being talked
-of. She knew that in her condition of life, which was so entirely
-satisfactory as a condition, everything that concerned a family was
-talked over and universally known. It was a thing inevitable to a
-certain position, and a due homage of society to its members. But
-somehow she did not mention it to Aubrey, nor, indeed, to anyone, which
-was a very unusual amount of reticence. She did not even give him the
-sketch, though it was finished. She had been quite grateful for that
-person’s hints at the time, and eagerly had taken advantage of them to
-improve her drawing; but it seemed to her, when she looked at it now,
-that it was not her own at all, that the other hand was so visible in it
-that it would be almost dishonest to call it hers. This, of course, was
-wholly fantastic, for even supposing that person to have given valuable
-hints, she had never touched the sketch, and Bee alone had carried them
-out. But, anyhow, her heart sickened at it, and she thrust it away at
-the very bottom of the box that Moulsey was packing. She had no desire
-to see the horrid thing again.
-
-In a day or two, however, Bee had altogether forgotten that interview in
-the wood. She had so many things to occupy her mind. There were few
-railways in those days, and the party had a long way to travel before
-they came to Cologne, where that method of travelling began. They all
-felt that common life would re-commence there and their delightful
-wandering would be over. In the meantime, there was a long interval of
-pleasure before them. The early breakfast at the hotel in the first
-hours of the autumnal morning, the fun of packing everyone away in the
-big coach, the books to be brought out to fill up corners, both of time
-and space, and “Murray” then alone in his glory, with no competitive
-American, no Badæker, no Joanne, to share his reign--spread out open at
-the right place, so that mamma inside should be able to lay her finger
-at once upon any village or castle that struck her--and above all the
-contrivances to be carried out for securing the _banquette_, as Bee
-said, for “ourselves,” made a lively beginning. Charlie and Betty
-sometimes managed to secure this favourite place if the attention of the
-others flagged for a moment, and though mamma generally interposed with
-a nod or a whisper to restore it to the privileged pair, sometimes she
-was mischievous too, and consented to their deprivation, and desired
-them for once to keep her company inside. She generally, however,
-repented of this before the day was over, and begged that their
-favourite seat might be restored to them.
-
-“For they are really no fun at all,” the poor lady said. “I might as
-well have two images from Madame Tussaud’s.”
-
-“It had been a little hard upon Aubrey at the moment of their departure
-to find half the garrison round the carriage, and bouquets enough to
-fill a separate vehicle thrust into every corner, the homage of those
-warriors to the gracious ladies. He had been very cross, and had made a
-great exhibition of himself, especially when Captain Kreutzner’s faggot
-of forget-me-nots, tied with a ribbon like that on Bee’s hat, had been
-presented with indescribable looks. What did the fellow mean by bringing
-forget-me-nots? He wanted to pitch it out of the window as soon as they
-were fairly started.
-
-“What an idiotic custom!” he cried. “What do the fools think you want
-with such loads of flowers when you are starting on a journey?”
-
-“Why, it is just then you do want them,” cried Betty, who had a dozen or
-so to her own share, “to smell sweet and show us how much our friends
-think of us.”
-
-“They will not smell sweet very long, and then what will your friends
-think of you?” said the angry lover.
-
-Was it possible that Bee was detaching a little knot of the blue flowers
-to put in her waistband? Bee, Bee! his own property, who had no right so
-much as to look at another man’s flowers! And what did she do, seeing
-the cloud upon his face, but arrange another little bouquet, which,
-with her sweetest smile--the little coquette--she endeavoured to put
-into his, Aubrey’s, button-hole! He snatched them out of her hand in a
-sort of fury. “Do you want me never to forget that heavy brute of a
-German?” he cried, in his indignation. “You may put him near your heart,
-but I should like to kick him!” These very natural sentiments made Bee
-laugh--which was cruel: but then poor Captain Kreutzner had been blotted
-out of her life some time ago, and knew his fate, and had really no
-right whatever to present her with these particular flowers. His lovely
-bouquet with its blue ribbon was given to a girl in the first village,
-and awakened the still more furious jealousy of another swain who was
-less easily appeased than Aubrey; but this _ricochet_ was not thought of
-by the first and principal pair.
-
-There was not perhaps so many remarkable features in that journey as if
-it had been through Italy. There were great plains to traverse, where
-the chief sights were cottages and farmhouses, women going by with great
-loads of freshly cut grass full of flowers on their heads, fodder for
-the home-dwelling cows--or men carrying their hops clinging to the
-pole, to be picked at home, or long straggling branches of the tobacco
-plant; and in the evening the postillion would whip up his horses, and
-Charlie in the _banquette_, or John, the manservant, in the rumble,
-would tootle upon a horn which the former had acquired clandestinely
-before the party set out--as they dashed through a village or little
-town with lighted windows, affording them many a flying peep of the
-domestic life of those tranquil places. And in the middle of the day
-they stopped to rest somewhere, where the invariable veal was to be
-found at some Guest-house a little better than the ordinary, where
-perhaps a bigger village stood with all its high peaked stream: and at
-night rattled into an old walled town with shadowy high houses which
-belonged to the fourteenth century, and had not changed a whit since
-that time. There they stayed a day or two, varying the confinement of
-the coach by a course through everything that was to be seen, setting
-out in a party through the roughly-paved streets, but parting company
-before long, so that Aubrey and Bee would find themselves alone in the
-shelter of a church or in an insignificant corner by the walls, while
-the others pursued their sightseeing conscientiously.
-
-“As for me, what I like is the general aspect,” said Bee, with an air of
-superiority. “I don’t care to poke into every corner, and Aubrey knows
-the history, which is the chief thing.”
-
-“Are they talking all the time of the history?” said Betty, overawed.
-
-But this perhaps, was not the opinion of Charlie and mamma. No, they did
-not care very much for the history. People are bad travellers in that
-stage of life. They are too much interested in their own history. They
-went about like a pair of Philistines through all these ancient streets,
-talking of nothing but the things of to-day. The most serious part of
-their talk was about the home in the depths of England in which they
-were henceforth to spend their lives. Aubrey had ideas about
-re-furnishing--about making everything new. It would be impossible to
-tell the reader how bad was the taste of the time, and with what
-terrible articles of furniture he proposed to replace the spindle legs
-and marquetry of his grandfathers. But then these things were the
-fashion, and supposed to be the best things of the time. To hear them
-talking of sofas and curtains, and of the colour for the boudoir and the
-hangings of the drawing-room in the midst of all those graceful old
-places, was inconceivable. You would have said the stupidest,
-unimpressionable pair, talking of ugly modern English furniture, when
-they should have been noting the old world of Nuremberg--the unchanging
-mediæval city. But you must remember that the furniture was only a
-symbol of their love and their new life, and all the blessedness of
-being together, and the endless delights of every day. The sofas and the
-curtains meant the _Vita Nuova_, and the refurnishing of the old house a
-beautiful fabric of all the honour and the joy of life.
-
-Then came the great river, and the progress down its shining stream, and
-between those beautiful banks, where again they made several pauses to
-enjoy the scenery. The Rhine is not now the river it was then. It was
-still the great river of romance in those days--Byron had been there,
-and the young people remembered Roland and his tower, with his love in
-the white convent opposite, and felt a shudder at the thought of the
-Lorelei as they floated under the high and gloomy bank. I doubt,
-however, whether the lovers thought much even of these things. They were
-busy just now about the gardens, which Bee was fully minded to remodel
-and fill with everything that was new and delightful in the way of
-flowers.
-
-“I shall have masses of colour about the terrace, and every spot
-covered. I wonder which you like best, majolica vases or rustic
-baskets?” Bee was saying, when her mother called her to point out the
-Platz and Bishop Hatto’s tower.
-
-“Oh, yes, mamma, it’s very pretty. But you like clematis, Aubrey, for
-the balustrade--to wind in and out of the pillars. Yes, yes, I can see
-it well enough. I like every kind of clematis, even the common one, the
-traveller’s joy--and it would hang down, you know, over that old bit of
-wall you told me of. Do go forward, Aubrey, and let them see you are
-taking an interest. I do see it all quite well, and it is very romantic,
-and we are quite enjoying it I can assure you, mamma.”
-
-This was how they made their way down stream; in the moonlight nights
-they ceased to talk of practical matters, and went back to the history
-of their loves.
-
-“Do you remember, Bee, that first time in the wood----?”
-
-“Oh, Aubrey, don’t you recollect that drive coming back in the
-dark--before I knew----?”
-
-“But you always did know from the very beginning, Bee?”
-
-“Well, perhaps I suspected--and used to think----”
-
-“You darling, what did you think?--and did you really care--as early as
-that?”
-
-They went on like this whatever happened outside, giving a careless
-glance at the heights, at the towers, at the robbers’ castle above and
-the little villages below; not so much as looking at them, and yet
-remembering them ever after, enclosing the flow of their young lives, as
-it were, in that strong flowing of the Rhine, noting nothing and yet
-seeing everything with the double sight which people possess at the
-highest moment and crisis of their career. They came at length to
-Cologne, where this enchanted voyage was more or less to end. To be
-sure, they were still to be together; but only in the railway, with all
-the others round them, hearing more or less what they said. They said
-good-bye to the Rhine with a little sentiment, a delightful little
-sadness full of pleasure.
-
-“Shall we ever be so happy again?” said Bee, with a sigh.
-
-“Oh, yes, my sweet, a hundred times, and happier, and happier,” said the
-young man; and thus they were assured it was to be.
-
-I don’t think any of them ever forgot that arrival at Cologne. They came
-into sight of the town just in the evening, when the last glow of sunset
-was still burning upon the great river, but lights beginning to show in
-the windows, and glimmering reflected in the water. The Cathedral was
-not completed then, and a crane, like some strange weird animal stood
-out against the sky upon the top of the tower. The hotel to which they
-were going had a covered terrace upon the river with lights gleaming
-through the green leaves. They decided they would have their table
-there, and dine with all that darkling panorama before their eyes
-through the veil of the foliage, the glowing water, the boats moving and
-passing, with now and then a raft coming down from the upper stream, and
-the bridge of boats opening to give passage to a fuming fretting
-steamboat. Aubrey and Bee went hand in hand up the steps; nobody noticed
-in the half dark how close they were together. They parted with a close
-pressure of warm hands.
-
-“Don’t be long, darling,” he said, as they parted, only for a moment,
-only to prepare a little for the evening, to slip into a fresh dress, to
-take out a new ribbon, to make one’s youthful self as fair as such
-unnecessary adjuncts permitted.
-
-But what did Aubrey care for a new ribbon? The only blue he thought of
-was that in Bee’s eyes.
-
-I do not think she was more than ten minutes over these little changes.
-She dressed like a flash of lightning, Betty said, who could not find
-her own things half so quickly, Moulsey being occupied with mamma. Such
-a short moment not worth counting, and yet enough, more than enough, to
-change a whole life!
-
-Bee ran down as light as air to the sitting-room which had been engaged
-for the party. She felt sure that Aubrey would hurry, too, so as to have
-a word before dinner, before the rest were ready--as if the whole day
-had not been one long word, running through everything. She came lightly
-to the door of the room in her fresh frock and her blue ribbons, walking
-on air, knowing no shadow of any obstacle before her or cloud upon the
-joyful triumphant sky. She did not even hear the sound of the subdued
-voices, her faint little sob, strangest of all sounds at such a moment,
-which seemed to come out to meet her as she opened the door. Bee opened
-it wondering only if Aubrey were there, thinking of some jibe to address
-to him about the length of time men took to their toilettes, if she
-happened to be ready first.
-
-She was very much startled by what she saw. Her mother, still in her
-travelling dress, sat by the table with a letter open in her hands. She
-had not made any preparation for dinner--she, usually so dainty, so
-anxious to get rid of the cloaks and of the soils of the journey. She
-had taken off her hat, which lay on the table, but was still enveloped
-in the shawl which she had put on to keep off the evening chills. As for
-Aubrey, he was exactly as he had been when they parted with him, except
-that all the light had gone out of his face. He was very pale, and he,
-too, had a letter in his hand. He uttered a stifled exclamation when he
-saw Bee at the door, and, lifting his arms as though in protest against
-something intolerable, walked away to the other end of the room.
-
-“Oh, Bee,” said Mrs. Kingsward, “Oh, go away, my dear, go away! I
-mean--get something to eat, you and Charlie, and Betty, and then get to
-bed. Get to bed! I am too tired to take anything, and I am going
-upstairs at once.”
-
-“I thought you had been upstairs, mamma, half-an-hour ago. What is the
-matter? You look like a ghost, and so does Aubrey. Has anything
-happened? Mamma, you won’t look at me, and Aubrey turns his back. What
-have I done? Is it anything about me?”
-
-“What nonsense, child!” said Mrs. Kingsward, with a pretence at a smile.
-“What could you have to do with it? We have both--Mr. Leigh and
-myself--found letters, and we are busy reading them. I am sure the
-dinner must be served. We ordered it in the balcony, don’t you remember?
-Run away and make Charlie and Betty sit down at once. I am too tired.
-Moulsey will run down in a little and get something for me.”
-
-“Mamma,” said Bee, “you cannot make up a story. Something has happened,
-I am sure of it; and it is something about me.”
-
-“Nonsense, child! Go away and have your dinner. I would come if I could.
-Don’t you see what a budget of letters I have got? And some of them I
-must answer to-night.”
-
-“Have you letters, too, Aubrey?” said Bee, in her amazement, standing
-still as she had paused, arrested by the sight of them, just within the
-door.
-
-“Bee, I must beg you will not put any questions; go and do what I tell
-you; your brother and sister will be coming downstairs. Yes, of course,
-you can see that Mr. Leigh has his letters to read as well as I.”
-
-“Mr. Leigh! I wonder if we have all gone mad, or what is the matter?
-Aubrey! tell me--you, at least, if mamma won’t. You must have had a
-quarrel. Mamma, why do you call him Mr. Leigh?”
-
-“Oh, for goodness sake, Bee, go away.”
-
-“I am not going away,” cried the girl. “You have had a quarrel about
-something. Come, mamma, you must not quarrel with Aubrey--if he has done
-something wrong or said something silly, I will answer for him, he never
-intended it. Aubrey, what do you mean, sir, turning your back both on
-mamma and me? Come here, quick, and ask her pardon, and say you will
-never do it again.”
-
-Poor little Bee’s heart was fluttering, but she would not allow herself
-to believe there was anything really wrong. She went close up to her
-mother and stood by her, with a hand upon her shoulder. “Aubrey!” she
-said, “never mind if you are wrong or not, come and beg mamma’s pardon,
-and she will forgive you. There must not--there must not--oh, it is too
-ridiculous!--be anything wrong between mamma and you. Aubrey!”
-
-He turned round slowly and faced them both with a face so pale that Bee
-stopped short with a gasp, and could not say a word more. Mrs. Kingsward
-had buried her face in her hands. Bee looked from one to the other with
-a dismay which she could not explain to herself. “Oh, what is the
-matter? What is the matter?” she said.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER IV.
-
-
-There was no merry dinner that night in the verandah of the hotel under
-the clinging wreaths of green. Mrs. Kingsward went up to her room still
-with her heavy shawl about her shoulders which she had forgotten, though
-it added something to her discomfort--followed by Bee, pale and rigid,
-offering no help, following her mother like an angry shadow. Charlie and
-Betty met them on the stairs and stood aside in consternation, unable to
-conceive what had happened. Mrs. Kingsward gave them a sort of troubled
-smile and said: “Get your dinner, dears; don’t wait for us. I am too
-tired to come down to-night.”
-
-“But, mamma----” they both began in remonstrance.
-
-“Go down and get your dinner,” said Mrs. Kingsward, peremptorily.
-
-As for Bee, she did not look at them at all. Her eyes were fierce with
-some sentiment which Betty could not divine, and angry, blazing, as if
-they might have set light to the hotel.
-
-Little Betty pressed against Charlie’s side as they went down, startled
-and alarmed. “Bee has had a quarrel with mamma,” she whispered, in tones
-of awe.
-
-“That’s impossible,” said Charlie.
-
-“Oh, no, it’s not impossible. There was once----”
-
-It comforted them both a little in the awful circumstances that such a
-thing had perhaps happened before. They went very silently and much cast
-down to that table in the verandah, whither obsequious waiters beckoned
-them, and contemplated with dismay all the plates laid, all the glitter
-of the lamps and the glasses.
-
-“I suppose we must not wait for them as they said so,” said Charlie,
-sitting down in his place at the bottom of the table. “Tell Mr.
-Leigh--that is the other gentleman--that we are ready.”
-
-“The other gentleman, sir,” said the waiter, who was the pride of the
-establishment for his English, “has gone out.”
-
-“Gone out!” said Charlie. He could only stare at Betty and she at him,
-not knowing what to think.
-
-“He has had his letters, too, sir,” said the waiter in a significant
-tone.
-
-His letters! What could that have to do with it? Charlie also had had
-his letters, one of them a bill which he did not view with any
-satisfaction; but even at twenty-one a man already learns to disguise
-his feelings, and sits down to dinner cheerfully though he has received
-a bill by the post. Charlie’s mind at first could not perceive any
-connection between Bee’s withdrawal upstairs and Aubrey’s disappearance.
-It was Betty who suggested, sitting down very close to him, that it
-looked as if Aubrey and Bee had quarrelled too.
-
-“Perhaps that is what it is,” she said, as if she had found out a
-satisfactory reason. “Lovers always quarrel; and mamma will have taken
-Aubrey’s part, and Bee will be so angry, and feel as if she could never
-forgive him. There, that is what it must be.”
-
-“A man may quarrel with his sweetheart,” said Charlie, severely, “but he
-needn’t spoil other people’s dinner for that;” however, they comforted
-themselves that this was the most likely explanation, and that all would
-come right in the morning. And they were very young and hungry, having
-eaten nothing since the veal at one o’clock. And these two made on the
-whole a very satisfactory meal.
-
-The scene upstairs was very different. Mrs. Kingsward sent Moulsey away
-on pretence of getting her some tea, and then turned to her daughter who
-stood by the dressing-table and stared blankly, without seeing anything,
-into those mysterious depths of the glass which are so suggestive to
-people in trouble. She said, faintly, “Bee, I would so much rather you
-would not ask me any more questions to-night.”
-
-“That is,” said Bee, “you would like to send me away to be miserable by
-myself without even knowing what it is, while you will take your
-sleeping draught and forget it. How can you be so selfish, mamma? And
-you have made my Aubrey join in the conspiracy against me--my Aubrey
-who belongs to me as papa does to you. If you are against us it is all
-very well, though I can’t imagine why you should be against us--but at
-least you need not interfere between Aubrey and me.”
-
-“Oh, my dear child, my poor darling!” said Mrs. Kingsward, wringing her
-hands.
-
-“It is all very well to call me your poor child, when it is you that are
-making me poor,” said Bee.
-
-She kept moving a little, first on one foot then on the other, but
-always gazing into the glass which presented the image of an excited
-girl, very pale, but lit up with a sort of blaze of indignation, and
-unable to keep still. It was not that girl’s face, however, that Bee was
-gazing at, but at the dim world of space beyond in which there were
-faint far-away reflections of the light and the world. “And if you think
-you will get rid of me like this, and hang me up till to-morrow without
-knowing what it is, you are mistaken, mamma. I will not leave you until
-you have told me. What is it? What has papa got in his head? What does
-he say in that horrid--horrid letter? I wish I had known when I gave it
-to you I should have thrown it into the river instead of ever letting it
-come into your hands.”
-
-“Bee, you must know that this passion is very wrong and very improper.
-You ought not to face me like that, and demand an answer. I am your
-mother,” said Mrs. Kingsward, but with a falter which was all unlike
-that assumption of authority, “and I have no need to tell you anything
-more than I think is for your good.”
-
-“Ah! I know where that comes from,” cried Bee; “that’s papa’s thunder!
-that’s what he has told you to say! You don’t believe, yourself, that
-you have a right to hang up a poor girl over some dreadful, dreadful
-abyss, when she was so happy and never suspected anything.” Here Bee’s
-voice faltered for a moment, but she quickly recovered herself. “And to
-drag her away from the one person that could support her, and to cut the
-ground from under her feet, and never to tell her what it means!”
-
-It was at this point that Moulsey, with a little discreet cough to
-herald her approach, came into the room, bearing a tray with tea, and a
-little cover from which came a faint but agreeable odour. Mrs. Kingsward
-was in great trouble about her child, but she was much exhausted and in
-want of physical support, and it did seem to her hard that she might not
-be permitted to eat the smallest of cutlets before embarking on a scene
-such as she knew this would be. Oh, why didn’t papa come and say it
-himself, when there was so much that was dreadful to say?
-
-“Shall I fetch something for Miss Bee, too?” said Moulsey. “It ain’t a
-good thing for a young creature to go without her dinner. If she’s not
-going down, ma’am, as would be much the best, I’ll just run and fetch a
-little something for Miss Bee too.”
-
-“Indeed, indeed, Bee, Moulsey is right. Think how miserable the others
-will feel all alone, and thinking something has happened. Do go down,
-darling, and strengthen yourself with a little food, and take a glass of
-wine just for once to please me. And after that you shall be told
-everything--all that I know.”
-
-Bee grew paler and paler, standing there before the glass, and her eyes
-blazed more and more. “It is as bad as that, then!” she said under her
-breath to herself, and then went away from where she was standing to the
-further end of the room. “I shall wait here, mamma, till you have had
-your tea. I know you want it. Oh, go away Moulsey! Let me alone! No, you
-shall not bring me anything! or, if you do, I will throw it out of the
-window,” she said, stamping her foot. The dark end of the room seemed
-suddenly lighted up by a sort of aurora borealis, with the fire of poor
-Bee’s burning eyes and the flashes here and there of her white
-frock--oh, poor white frock! put on in the sunshine of life and
-happiness to please her love, and now turned into a sort of sacrificial
-robe.
-
-“Take it away, Moulsey; I can’t eat anything--I can’t, indeed--no more
-than Miss Bee--”
-
-“But you must, ma’am,” said Moulsey. “Miss Bee’s young; she’s had
-nothing to drain away her strength. But it’s far different with you,
-after all your family and so weak as you are. If Miss Bee were a real
-good girl, as I always thought her, she’d go away and get something
-herself just for her poor mamma’s sake, and leave you alone for a moment
-to get a little peace and rest.”
-
-“There is no rest for me,” murmured the poor lady. “Oh, papa, papa, why
-didn’t you come and tell them yourself?”
-
-These piteous tones went to Bee’s heart. They moved her half with
-contempt, half with compassion--with something of that high indignant
-toleration of weakness which is one kind of pity. If mamma could eat and
-drink at such a moment, why shouldn’t she be left to do it? The girl
-started up and left the room in the quick flashing impulse of her
-passion. She walked up and down in the corridor outside, her arms folded
-over her high-beating, tumultuous heart. Yes, no doubt she was going to
-be miserable, all her happiness was cut down and withered away, but in
-her present passionate impulse of resistance and gathering of all her
-forces to resist the catastrophe, which she did not understand, it could
-scarcely be said that she was wretched yet. What was it--what was it?
-she was saying to herself. It might still be something that would pass
-away, which would be overcome by the determined, impassioned stand
-against it, which Bee felt that it was in her to make. The thing that
-was worst of all, that stole away her courage, was that Aubrey had
-failed her. He should have been there by her side whatever happened. He
-ought not to have abandoned her. No doubt he thought it was more
-delicate, more honourable, more something or other; and that it was his
-duty to leave her to brave it alone. It must have been one of those
-high-flown notions of honour that men have. Honour! to leave a girl to
-fight for herself and him, alone--but, no doubt, that was what had
-seemed right in his eyes. Bee walked up and down in the half-lighted
-passage, sometimes almost pushing against someone going up or down,
-waiters or chambermaids or surprised guests, who looked after her when
-she had passed; but she did not take any notice of them, and she heard
-as she passed her mother’s door little sounds of tea-cups and dishes,
-and Moulsey’s voice saying “A little more,” and her mother’s faint
-replies. Poor mamma! After all, what ever it was, it could not be her
-affair as it was Bee’s. She would be unhappy about it, but not all
-unhappy. She had the others, who were all right. She had papa. It would
-not shatter her to pieces even if one of the children was to be
-shipwrecked. It was the shipwrecked one only who would be broken to
-pieces. For the first time in her life Bee felt the poignant sensation,
-the jealous pride, the high, desolate satisfaction of suffering. The
-others could all eat and do the ordinary things. She was elevated over
-all that, silent as on a Peak in Darien. She felt almost a kind of
-dreadful pleasure in the situation, smiling to herself at the sounds of
-her mother’s little meal. She could dine while Bee was miserable. They
-could all dine--Charlie (which was natural), Betty, even Aubrey. She had
-no doubt that he, too, must be seated, feeling as a man does that dinner
-must go on whatever happens, at the table downstairs.
-
-After a while, which seemed a long time to Bee, Moulsey came out with
-the tray. She was startled, and exclaimed under her breath at the
-appearance of the girl walking up and down in the corridor: “I did
-think you would have had the sense to go and join the others, Miss
-Bee.” Bee was too much uplifted, too distant on her high pinnacle of
-martyrdom, to make any reply, but when Moulsey ventured to add a word of
-advice, to the effect that she must be careful of her mamma and not
-weary her with questions and she so tired and so weak, the girl flashed
-forth all her heart of indignation. “She has eaten her cutlet, it
-appears,” cried Bee. “I should think she may answer my questions.”
-
-“Oh!” cried the maid, who had the privileges of an old servant, “you
-have got a heart without pity. You are just like your papa!”
-
-Bee swept past her into the room, where poor Mrs. Kingsward, who after
-all had eaten but a morsel, sat lying back in an easy chair awaiting the
-dreadful conflict which she knew was coming. Poor lady, she had lost all
-her brightness, that pretty grace of the young mother among her grown up
-children, which prompted so many compliments. She lay back in her easy
-chair, feeling as she said “any age”--as old as any woman on the edge of
-the grave, not knowing how she was to bear the onslaught that was
-coming, and how she was to say what had to be said. He had borne it far
-better than Bee--poor Aubrey, poor Aubrey! whom she must not call Aubrey
-any more. He had not denied anything, he had fallen as it were at her
-feet, like a house that had been undermined and had no sound
-foundations, but Bee was different. Bee was a tower that had
-foundations--a girl that was able to stand up even to papa, and why--why
-had he not come to give forth his sentence in his own way?
-
-Bee came forward flashing into the light, in that white frock which
-shone, and with those eyes that blazed through all the neutral tints in
-the room. She did not sit down, which would have been a little relief,
-but seized a chair and stood with her hand upon the back, leaning upon
-it.
-
-“I hope, mamma,” she said, pitiless, “that you liked your tea, and ate
-something--and that you are better now.”
-
-“Oh, Bee!” cried the poor lady; “if there is one reproach more dreadful
-than another it is this of being able to eat when you ought to be
-overwhelmed with trouble.” Mrs. Kingsward could scarcely keep from
-crying at the imputation. And Bee, I fear, knew that it was the
-unkindest thing that could be said.
-
-“Now, mamma,” she resumed, almost stonily, “it is time that you should
-tell me what has happened. We arrived here all quite happy--it is just
-an hour ago----” here Bee’s voice shook a little, but she commanded it
-with an effort--“I ran up to dress for dinner, and when I came back in
-about ten minutes I found you and Aubrey--with your letters--looking as
-if you had both been dead and buried while I was away. You wouldn’t
-answer me, and he never said a word. You had done something to him in
-that little time to make him turn away from me, and yet you will not
-tell me what it is. Here I am alone,” said Bee, once more with a quiver
-in her voice. “Aubrey ought to be standing by me. I suppose he is having
-his dinner downstairs, too, and thinking no more of me. I just stand
-alone, nobody caring in all the world. What is the meaning of it,
-mamma?”
-
-“Bee, you are very hard upon me. And poor Aubrey, he is having no
-dinner--of that I am sure.”
-
-“You called him Mr. Leigh downstairs.”
-
-“So I did, and so I must, and all of us; but I cannot have you speaking
-of him like that, poor, poor fellow; and just for this once---- Oh, Bee,
-my darling, don’t stand and look at me so! I would rather have died than
-say it either to him or to you. Your papa has been hearing I don’t know
-what, and he has changed his mind about Mr. Leigh altogether, and says
-it must not be.”
-
-“What must not be?”
-
-“Oh, Bee! Oh, don’t take it so hard! Don’t look like that!
-Your--your--engagement, my darling. Have patience; oh, have patience! He
-has heard something. Men hear things that we would never hear. And he
-doesn’t deny it. Oh! he doesn’t deny it. I had a hope that he would
-contradict it at once, and flare up in a rage like you, and say it
-wasn’t true. But he doesn’t deny it--poor boy, poor boy! And after that,
-how can I say one word to papa?”
-
-“My engagement?” said Bee, in a hoarse voice. She had been staring at
-her mother as in a dream--only partially hearing, not understanding at
-all the rest that was said. “My engagement? He gave his consent. It was
-all settled. You would not allow us till the letter came, but then it
-was consent.”
-
-“Yes, yes, dear. That was at first. He consented at first because--and
-now it appears he has heard something--someone has called upon him--he
-has discovered--and he writes to me that it must be broken off. Oh, Bee,
-don’t think my heart doesn’t bleed for you. I think it will kill me. He
-says it must be broken off at once.”
-
-“Who says so?” said Bee, in her passion. “He! One would think you were
-speaking of God--that can say ‘Yes’ to-day and ‘No’ to-morrow, and build
-things up and then snatch them down. But I will not have it! I am not a
-doll, to be put in one position and then in another, as anybody pleases.
-My engagement! It is mine; it is not his.”
-
-“Bee, think; it is papa you are speaking of. Dear, I feel for you--I
-feel for you! but so does he. Oh, my darling, you don’t know what you
-are saying. Do you think he would do anything to make you unhappy if he
-could help it--your papa, Bee, who has been so good to you all your
-life?”
-
-“I do not care how good he has been. He is not good now. How will it
-harm him? He sits at home, and he thinks he can do as he pleases. But
-not with me. It is my affair more than it is his. He thinks he can break
-his word and it doesn’t matter--but I have given my word, and it does
-matter. Break my engagement!” cried Bee, her young bosom swelling, the
-sob rising in her throat that would soon choke her voice. “It is mine
-and not his; and nobody in the world shall break it. You can tell him
-so, mamma, or I will write myself and tell him so. I am not a wax image
-to take any shape he pleases. Who is he? He is not God----”
-
-“Bee--he is your father----”
-
-“Oh, my father! Yes, I do whatever he tells me. If he says I am to fetch
-anything I run like a little dog. I have never been disobedient. But
-this--this is different. I am not a child any longer. And, mamma, not
-for him nor for anyone--not even for you will I take back my word.”
-
-“Bee! You make me say a great deal more than I meant to say. I thought
-you would have been a good child and seen that papa must know best. My
-poor, poor little girl, there is worse behind. Mr. Leigh, whom we all
-thought so much of----”
-
-“Aubrey,” Bee managed to say, though for no other word could she command
-her voice.
-
-“Darling, he has deceived us. He is not what he seems. He has done, oh,
-so wrong--there have been things--that you ought never to hear----”
-
-“Stop!” said Bee. She had to speak in monosyllables with her labouring
-breath. “Wait!--not behind his back.” She rushed to the bell and rung it
-so wildly that both waiter and chambermaid appeared in alarm, with
-Moulsey rushing in calling for a doctor, and saying that her lady was
-going to faint. Bee pushed the woman aside and turned to the waiter, who
-stood anxious at the door. “Mr. Leigh!” she cried, impatiently; “the
-gentleman--who was with us: tell him--to come here.”
-
-“The tall young gentleman?” said the waiter.
-
-“No--the other: tell him he is to come here--instantly--this moment.”
-
-“I beg your pardon, miss,” said the man. “The other gentleman? He have
-been gone away this half-hour.”
-
-“Gone away!” she cried. And it seemed to Bee that the blackness of
-darkness closed over her and the room and everything in it. She did not
-faint, oh no, no such happiness--but everything grew dark, and through
-the dark she heard her own voice speaking--speaking, and did not know
-what she said.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER V.
-
-
-But Aubrey had not gone away. He had gone out in the dizziness of a
-great downfall, scarcely knowing how to keep his feet steady as he
-wandered along the dark street, not knowing where he went. The landscape
-that had charmed them all so much--was it scarcely an hour ago?--the
-lamps reflected in the water; the verandah, with its wreaths of green;
-the brilliant yet mysterious glimmer of the moon, made his heart sink to
-look at them now. He strayed off into the darkest of the narrow streets,
-into the great gloom of the cathedral shadow, where he could see nothing
-but a poor light twinkling here and there, making the darkness visible.
-Oh! how certain it is that, however sweet they may seem, your sins will
-find you out! Oh! how more than certain if you have let yourself be
-dragged down once, only once, in a spotless life, that the one fault
-will be made into the central fact of your whole existence. If he had
-been a bad, dissipated man, it would have been only fair. But this poor
-young fellow was like the young man whom our Lord loved though he went
-away. All good things he had kept from his youth up--but once, only
-once, half distracted by grief, and by the desire which is so natural to
-escape from grief, and by infernal temptation, he had fallen--oh, there
-was no need to tell him how he had fallen! Had it not been the canker in
-his soul ever since? And now this one thing, this miserable,
-much-repented fault, which revolted, disgusted, horrified himself, was
-brought up against him as if it were the pattern upon which he had
-shaped his life.
-
-And now, what was left for him but to fall down, down into the
-unfathomable abyss? The distracted feelings with which he had broken
-away from home, the horror and dismay that at once belonged to his
-natural grief and made the burden of it a thousand times harder to bear,
-all rushed back upon him, whirling him down and down to dimmer and more
-awful depths. He had partially healed himself in the intolerableness of
-his trouble by travel and change, and the arbitrary forgetfulness which
-comes from absence and the want of any association which could call back
-to him what was past; and then the touch of Bee’s soft, girlish hand,
-the sound of her voice, had suddenly called him back into an enchanted
-land where everything had again become possible. He had hesitated for
-some time, wondering if he might dare--he who had a secret smirch upon
-him which nobody suspected--to avail himself of this way of salvation.
-The reader will think that he had not hesitated very long--poor
-Aubrey--seeing that the introduction, the acquaintance, the love, the
-engagement had all occurred within the small space of one month; but to
-the brooding spirit the hours of one interminable day are long enough
-for a chronicle. Something like the phenomena of love at first sight had
-occurred in the bleeding yet young heart, which had felt itself cut
-loose from all the best associations of life. Deliverance, recreation,
-the new beginning of life and all its possibilities had gleamed upon him
-in Bee’s blue eyes. Her appearance swept away everything that was dark
-and ominous in his life. Did he dare to ask for her hand, to set out
-again to make himself a new career? He had worked at that question
-almost from the first day, discussing it with himself for the three
-weeks preceding their engagement, waking and sleeping, almost without
-intermission; and then in a moment he had forgotten all controversy, and
-let forth without intention the words that had been lying, so to speak,
-on the threshold of his lips--and in that moment all the clouds had been
-swept away. He was only eight and twenty after all--so young to have
-such a past behind him, and what so natural as that his life should
-begin again--begin now as for the first time? He had hesitated in the
-first fervour of his betrothal whether he should not tell all his story.
-But there was no one to tell it to but Mrs. Kingsward--a lady, even a
-young lady, not looking much older than Bee herself. That is one of the
-drawbacks of a young mother. She was still in the sphere of the girls,
-not in that of the old ladies whom Heaven has ordained to represent the
-mothers of the race. How could he tell to her the story of that
-entanglement? If Colonel Kingsward had been there, Aubrey was of opinion
-that he would have made a clean breast of everything to him. But I think
-it very likely that he might not have done so. He would have intended
-it, and he would have put it off from day to day; and then he knew how
-lightly men of the world look upon such matters. What would have
-horrified Mrs. Kingsward would probably call forth nothing but a
-pooh-pooh from her husband. Aubrey, as it proved, was mistaken there,
-for Colonel Kingsward had ideas of his own, not always corresponding to
-those of the ordinary man of the world; but no doubt had he heard the
-story from that side and not from the other, he would have regarded it
-in a very different light.
-
-But it was too late--too late for these reflections now. The fiat had
-gone forth, the sentence had been pronounced beyond appeal. Oh, Bee,
-Bee, she was too good for him; too fresh, too bright, unsullied by the
-world, for a man who had gone through so much already although he was
-still young enough. He who had loved and married--though, oh, how
-differently!--poor little Amy, who was nobody, whom he had liked for her
-yielding sweetness, sweetness which had cost him so dear--he who had
-been a father, who had lost his way in life amid the fogs of death and
-grief--how had he now dared to think that such a girl as Bee should
-dedicate her fresh young life to restore him again to the lost
-possibilities of his? It seemed to him the greatest presumption, the
-most dreadful, cynical, almost blasphemous attempt. It was the way of
-the world--to think that any woman, however good, might be sacrificed to
-the necessities of a man’s restoration whatever he had done; everybody
-thought so, his own mother even. But he, Aubrey, should have known
-better--he should have known that even at his best he could never have
-been good enough for Bee, and to think that he had dared now when he was
-no longer at his best! What a fool, what a fool he had been! He had come
-to be able to endure the daylight and “get on” well enough when he had
-arrived at the Bath and seen her first. Why had he not contented himself
-with that, knowing that he had no right to expect more? And now there
-was nothing--nothing before him but a plunge into the unutterable
-darkness--darker than ever, without any hope--worse almost, if worse
-were possible, than when he had fled from his home.
-
-He did not know how long he had been roaming about the dark town
-pondering all these dreadful thoughts. When he went back to the hotel,
-which he finally did, worn out, not knowing where else to go, one
-reproachful waiter, with eyes that said he ought to have been in bed
-long ago, was waiting for him with a curt demand what he would have to
-eat, and all the house, except that deserted eating-room, where one
-light twinkled--reproachful, like the waiter--was shut up. He went to
-his room when he had swallowed some brandy, which was the only thing he
-could find to put a little warmth into his chilled limbs and despairing
-heart, and threw himself miserable upon his bed, where I have no doubt
-he slept, though he was not aware of it--as Bee did, though she had no
-intention of doing so.
-
-The only one who was really a sufferer in this respect was poor Mrs.
-Kingsward, who was ill, and who had been far more agitated than her
-feeble strength could bear. She it was who lay and wondered all through
-the night what she must do. Was he really gone without a word, thus
-proving how much he was in the wrong, and how right the Colonel was? It
-would have saved her from a great deal of embarrassment, but I do not
-think Mrs. Kingsward wished that Aubrey might have really gone. It was
-too summary, it was not natural, it would show Colonel Kingsward to have
-been too right. Oh! she believed he was right! She did not doubt that
-his decision was for the best any more than she doubted that it was
-inexorable: but still the heart revolted a little, and she hoped that he
-might not be proved so unutterably right as that. And poor Bee--poor
-little Bee! She did not know, poor child, that there were bitters in the
-sweetest cup--that if she had twenty years of Aubrey she would not
-probably have thought quite so much of him as now--that nobody was
-perfect, which was a conviction that had been forced upon Mrs.
-Kingsward’s own mind, though it was not a strong one, by the passage of
-the years. And then the poor lady went off into perplexed considerations
-of what she personally must do. Must he leave them all at once, travel
-home in a different carriage, avoid them at the stations, not venture to
-come near their table when they dined on the way? It would seem so
-ridiculous, and it would be so embarrassing after their very close
-intercourse. But men never thought of these little things. She felt sure
-that the Colonel would expect her never to let the two meet again. And
-how could she do that when they were both travelling the same way?
-Besides, was it fair, was it just, would Bee endure it--never to see him
-again?
-
-Bee woke up in all the energy of despair. It burst upon her in the first
-moment of her waking that he had gone away, that it was all over; but
-her mind, when it had time to think, rejected that idea; he would not,
-could not have gone without a word, without even saying farewell,
-without asking her--anything, anything--to forgive him or to forget him,
-or to be faithful to him, or not to believe what was said against him.
-One or other of these things Aubrey must say to her before he went away.
-Therefore, he could not have gone away, and everything was still
-possible. In her passion and pride she had refused last night to let her
-mother tell her what it was. She had resolved that Aubrey should be
-present, that he should hear the accusation against him, that he should
-give his own explanation--that was only just, she said to herself--the
-poorest criminal had a right to that! And Aubrey should have it. He
-should not, whatever papa said and whatever mamma said, be condemned
-unheard. She dressed in great haste and rang the bell energetically to
-ascertain if he had come back. But the chambermaid who answered Bee’s
-bell was stupid and could not understand what Herr it was about whom the
-young lady questioned her so closely. Had he come back? Oh, yes, she
-believed all the Herren had come back; there was not a bed to be had in
-the house. But what Herr was it whom the gracious young lady sought.
-The old gentleman in the next room, who was so ill? She heard that he
-was a little better this morning--or the young Herr in number ten, or
-the Herr whose eyes were so bad, who was going to the great doctor at
-Dusseldorf? Perhaps poor Bee’s German was at fault. She was still
-attempting to make the matter clear when Moulsey came in with the news
-that Mrs. Kingsward was very poorly, and had not slept at all, a
-statement which Betty, rushing in half-dressed, confirmed anxiously.
-“Mamma has had a very bad night; and what is the matter, Bee, that we
-are all at sixes and sevens, and why did you lock your door? I came up
-as soon as I could--as soon as Charlie would let me. He said it was
-dreadful, nobody coming down; and that we must eat through the dinner
-for the sake of appearances. And Aubrey never showing neither, and me
-obliged to sleep in mamma’s room because you had locked the door.”
-
-“I want to know,” said Bee, “whether Aubrey came back last night.”
-
-“Oh, how should I know?” said Betty, “and why shouldn’t he come back?
-Of course he must have come back. Is he going anywhere else but home? I
-wish people would not get letters,” said the girl. “You are all so
-ridiculous since those letters came last night. Letters are nice when
-they are nice. But, oh! how much nicer it was yesterday morning when you
-had none, and we were all quite happy, and mamma well, and Aubrey and
-you as funny as you could be!”
-
-There flashed upon Bee as she spoke the whole bright panorama of
-yesterday. Not a cloud in the sky nor a trouble in the world. Mamma as
-fresh as the morning, the river shining, the steamboat thrilling through
-the water with a shiver of pleasure in its wooden sides, every group
-adding amusement, and they themselves affording it, no doubt, to the
-rest. How conscious they had been when they laughed under their breath
-at the young German pairs, that they themselves were lovers too, quite
-as happy, if not so demonstrative. Oh! yesterday--yesterday! You might
-as well say last century for anything that resembled it now. Bee turned
-almost fiercely to Moulsey, who stood looking on with that air of
-knowing all about it which so often exasperated the girls, and requested
-her to go downstairs immediately and ask if Mr. Leigh had come back.
-Moulsey hesitated and protested that the chambermaid would know. “And
-you that know the language, Miss Bee.”
-
-“Go down directly and inquire if Mr. Leigh has come back. You know the
-waiter that speaks such good English as well as I do,” said Bee,
-peremptorily. And Moulsey could do nothing but obey.
-
-Yes, Mr. Leigh had come back; he had occupied his room, but was not yet
-up so far as the attendants knew. There came such a change on Bee’s face
-at this news as startled both the curious observers. The light grew less
-fierce, more like the usual sunny brightness in her eyes. A softening
-came over her face. Her colour flashed back. “I want to know when mamma
-is coming downstairs,” she said. “Moulsey--or no, stop. I’ll go myself
-and see.”
-
-Moulsey was so roused that she caught the young lady by the arm. “If it
-was your papa himself, my lady shan’t be disturbed,” she said. “And not
-by you, Miss Bee, as are the cause of it all; not if you should put a
-knife into me afore her door.”
-
-“How dare you say I am the cause of it all?”
-
-“Because it’s the truth,” said the enraged maid. “She was worrited
-enough before by those letters, and you coming in like the wind, like
-your papa himself, as I always said you were his living image; and
-stopping her in the middle of her little bit of cutlet that would have
-given her strength, and questioning of her like a drum-major, and pacing
-up and down outside the door like a wild beast. Mind my words: you don’t
-know, none of you, how little strength my poor lady’s got. And you’re
-all so masterful, every one, with mamma here and mamma there, and you’ll
-not find out till it’s too late----”
-
-“But mamma’s better,” cried Betty. “She has taken her cure, and she’s
-all right till next year.”
-
-“I only wish as you may all find it so, miss,” said Moulsey, folding her
-arms across her broad chest and shaking her head.
-
-Bee was awe-struck for a moment by this speech, but she knew that
-Moulsey was always a croaker, and it was quite true about the cure. She
-paused a little uncertain, and then she resumed in a subdued voice--
-
-“I never want to disturb mamma. But Moulsey, we’ve got to leave here
-to-day.”
-
-“That can’t be,” said Moulsey, decisively. “My lady is not fit to travel
-after such a bad night, and I won’t have it,” she said. “The doctor has
-put my lady into my hands, and he says ‘She’s not to be overtired. Mind,
-I don’t respond for nothing if she’s overtired.’ And she just shan’t
-go--that’s flat. And you may all say what you like, and your papa, too.”
-
-“Not to-day?” said Bee, with another change of countenance. It flashed
-upon her that another day’s delay would give time for all the
-explanations in which she could not help hoping. Her excited pulses
-calmed down a little. She was not alarmed about her mother. Had she been
-so, it would no doubt have given her thoughts another direction. But Bee
-knew nothing of illness, much less anything of death. She was not
-afraid of them. In her experience people might be ill occasionally, but
-they always got better. Mamma, too, would be better presently, when she
-got up; and then they could all meet, and the letters and the whole
-matter could be discussed. And it seemed to be impossible--impossible
-that from this some better conclusion could be arrived at. There had
-been so much confusion last night, when it burst upon them like a
-thunderstroke. When looked at calmly, without flurry or haste, the
-better moment would bring better views, and who could say that all might
-not yet be well?
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER VI.
-
-
-Emboldened by this thought Bee went downstairs to breakfast, which was
-spread again in the verandah in the warm sunshine of the autumnal
-morning. The new hope, though it were a forlorn one, restored her
-youthful appetite as well as her courage, and her coffee and roll were a
-real restorative after the long fast and agitated night. But there was
-no appearance of Aubrey, neither at the table nor in the passages, nor
-anywhere about. He seemed to have disappeared as if he had never been.
-When Charlie came down from his mother’s room, where he had been shut up
-with her for some time, Bee, who had no particular respect for Charlie’s
-opinion or inclination to allow him any authority over herself, such as
-an elder brother is sometimes supposed to have, began at once to
-question him. “Where is Aubrey?” she said. “Why doesn’t he come to
-breakfast? Will you go and look for Aubrey, Charlie?”
-
-“Indeed, I will do no such thing,” said Charlie, almost roughly. “I hope
-he has had the sense to go away. I should just like to see him come
-calmly down to breakfast as if nothing had happened. If he came, then I
-can answer for it, you should not be allowed to say a word to him, Bee.”
-
-“Who should prevent me?” cried Bee, looking up with her eyes on fire and
-her nostrils dilating. She had not noticed before what a cloud was upon
-Charlie’s face and how heavy and scowling were his brows. She added,
-springing up, “We shall soon see about that. If you think I shall do
-what you tell me, or condemn any man unheard----”
-
-“The cad! He never denied it. You can ask mamma.”
-
-“I will not ask anyone but Mr. Leigh,” said Bee, throwing back her head;
-“and I advise you to mind your own business, and not to call names that
-may come back upon yourself.”
-
-“Stop where you are, Bee. I never went out into the world under false
-pretences. A man is a cad when he does that.”
-
-“I shall not stop for you, nor anyone but my parents,” said Bee, in a
-splendid flush of anger, her countenance glowing, her eyes blazing.
-“Stand out of my way. Oh, if that is all, and you want to make a scene
-for the edification of the tourists, I can go in by the other door.”
-
-And she did so, leaving Charlie standing flushed and angry, but quite
-unable, it need scarcely be said, to coerce his sister. To make an
-attempt of this kind, which comes to nothing, is confusing and
-humiliating. He looked round angrily for a moment to see if it were
-possible to intercept her, then, yielding to necessity, sat down where
-Betty, eager and full of a thousand questions, sat calling for
-explanations. That is the good of a family party, there is always
-someone ready to hear what you have to say.
-
-Bee went at once to the English-speaking waiter, and asked for Mr.
-Leigh, whom the man, curious as all lookers-on are at a social drama
-going on under their eyes, declared to be still in his room. She sent
-him off instantly with a message, and stood in the hall awaiting his
-return, angry and brave, like the rose in George Herbert’s poem, yet
-soon getting shamefaced and troubled, as the people coming and going,
-travellers, visitors, attendants, stared at her and brushed against her
-as they passed. Bee never forgot all her life the gleam of the river at
-the foot of the steps, of which she had a glimpse through the
-doorway--the Rhine barges slowly crossing that little space of vision,
-the little boats flitting across the gleam of the rosy morning, and the
-strong flowing tide, the figures going up and down breaking the
-prospect.
-
-The man came back to her after a time, looking half sympathetic, half
-malicious, with the message that the gentleman was just going out.
-
-“Just going out!” She repeated the words half-consciously. “Was it
-Aubrey that sent her that message? Aubrey--who yesterday would not let
-her out of his sight, who followed her everywhere, saw every sign she
-made, heard every word almost before it was spoken!” The surprise and
-the pang together made her heart sick. She could not rush upstairs and
-knock at his door and call him out imperatively, to tell her immediately
-what it all meant--at least, though it occurred to her that this would
-be the most natural thing to do, she did not. Intimidated by the
-circumstances, by the half impertinence of the waiter, by the stare of
-the people about, she reflected for a moment breathlessly that he must
-come out this way, and that if she remained there she must see him. But
-Bee’s instinct of a young woman, now for the first time awakened, made
-her shrink from this. When she was only a little girl, so very short a
-time ago, she did not mind who looked at her, who pushed past her. But
-now everything was different!
-
-She went away, still holding her head high that nobody (above all not
-Charlie, who was watching her through the glass of the verandah) should
-guess that her courage was drooping, and going into the deserted
-sitting-room, where last night that blow had fallen upon her, sat down
-and wrote to her lover a hurried little note:
-
-
- “Oh, Aubrey, what is the matter? Have you deserted me without a
- word? Do you think I am like them, to take up any report? I don’t
- know what report there is--I don’t know what it is, this terrible
- thing that has come between us. What is it? I will take your word
- and nobody else’s. I don’t believe you have done anything that is
- wrong. Aubrey! come and tell me out of your own mouth. I told mamma
- last night I would hear nothing unless you were there; but you were
- gone away, they said. And now you send me word that you are going
- out and can’t see me. Going out and can’t see _me_! What does it
- all mean?
-
- “If it is some fad of honour, of not seeing me against _their_
- will--though I do think your first duty is to me, Aubrey, before
- anyone else in the world--but if it should be so, mamma will be
- down here at twelve o’clock--and I invite you to meet her, to hear
- what is said, to answer for yourself and for me. If you have done
- anything wrong, what does that matter? Don’t we all do wrong? And
- why should it come between you and me? Am I without sin that I
- should throw stones at you? Aubrey, you can’t throw everything away
- without a word. You can’t desert me without a word. I can bear
- anything--anything, rather than this.
-
-“Your BEE----.”
-
-
-
-Bee, poor child, shrank from intrusting this to the impertinent waiter,
-who had a leer in his eye as if he were defending his own side from the
-importunities of the other. She went out furtively into the hall and
-studied the numbers of the rooms and the names of the tenants upon the
-board, necessity quickening her perceptions, and then she stole
-upstairs and gave her poor little appeal into the hands of the stout
-chambermaid who watched over that part of the hotel. It was for the Herr
-in No. 10, and the answer was to be brought immediately to the little
-salon No. 20 downstairs. “Eine Antwort,” she said over and over again in
-her imperfect speech. “Schnell, schnell!” This, with the aid of a
-thaler--for it was before the days of the mark--produced perfect
-understanding in the mind of the maid, who with becks and wreathed
-smiles accepted the commission, and in a short time brought her back the
-answer for which she waited with feverish anxiety. It was very much
-shorter than her own.
-
- “I am not worthy to stand before you. I cannot and I must not take
- advantage of your innocence; better I should disappear altogether
- than wound your ears with what they say. But I will not since you
- will it so. At twelve o’clock then, Bee, my darling, I will stand
- up before your mother, and say what I can for myself. Bee, my own
- dearest, my only hope!”
-
-This last was scrawled across the paper as if he had put it in after the
-despair of the former part. It was this that the poor little girl fixed
-upon--the sweet words to which she had been accustomed, which her heart
-was fainting for. It was not, one would have said, a very cheerful note
-for a love-letter. But Bee was ridiculously cheered by it. So long as
-she was his own dearest, his hope, his darling--so long as there was no
-change in his love for her--why then, in the long run, whatever was
-said, everything must come right.
-
-I need not follow Bee to her mother’s bedside, when Mrs. Kingsward woke
-and for the first moment did not remember what had happened.
-
-“Is that you, Bee?” she said, smiling, not thinking.
-
-“Are you better, mamma?”
-
-“Oh, yes, just in my usual----,” said Mrs. Kingsward. And then she
-caught a fuller sight of her daughter’s face. Bee had none of her usual
-pretty colour, the light in her eyes was like fire. The mother gave a
-little feeble cry, and in a moment was no longer in her usual, but lost
-in the feverish mists of a trouble far too great for her to bear. “Oh,
-Bee! Oh, Bee!”
-
-“We had better not say anything about it, mamma, to agitate you. I have
-told him you will be ready at twelve o’clock, that I may know what the
-story is, and what he has to say.”
-
-Mrs. Kingsward struggled up to a sitting position. “At twelve o’clock?
-No! I cannot, I cannot!” Then she dropped back upon her pillows sobbing,
-“Oh, Bee, spare me; I am not equal to it. There is Charlie can read your
-papa’s letter. Bee! Bee!”
-
-“Charlie!” cried Bee, with a flash of fury. “Who is Charlie, that he
-should sit in judgment on Aubrey and me? If he has anything to do with
-it, I tell you, mamma, I will go away. I will go with Aubrey. I will not
-hear a word.”
-
-“Oh, Bee,” cried Mrs. Kingsward, holding out her hot, feverish hands, “I
-am not fit for it! I am not fit for it! If I am to travel to-morrow--ask
-Moulsey--I ought to stop in bed and be quiet all day.”
-
-“I don’t see that it matters,” said Bee, sternly, “whether we travel
-to-morrow or in a week. To go home will be no pleasure to me.”
-
-“If we were there, then papa could manage it all himself; he is the
-proper person. On a journey is not the time to settle things so
-important. I will write and tell him I have put it all off, and have not
-said anything, till he could do it himself.”
-
-“But that will not be true,” cried the young Rhadamanthus, inexorable,
-with her blazing eyes.
-
-“O Bee! you are dreadfully, dreadfully hard upon me!” the poor young
-mother said. This is the drawback of being so young a mother, just as
-young as your grown-up children. It is very delightful, when all is
-sunny and bright, but in a great emergency like this it is trying for
-all parties when a girl’s mother is only, so to speak, a girl like
-herself. Bee lifted up her absolute young head, and gave forth her
-ultimatum unmoved.
-
-“Well, mamma, it must be as you choose. If you think my happiness is of
-less consequence than the chance of a headache to yourself, I have
-naturally nothing more to say.”
-
-A headache! That was all she knew.
-
-Mrs. Kingsward was ready by twelve o’clock, much against Moulsey’s will,
-who dressed her mistress under protest. “I ain’t one to interfere with
-what’s going on in a family,” said Moulsey, as she combed out the long
-locks, tangled with the restlessness of a troubled night, which were as
-silky and as smooth as Bee’s. “I’m only a servant, and I knows my place;
-but you’re not fit to struggle among them young ones. The nursery
-children, it’s all very well; if they’re naughty you whip them, or you
-put them in a corner, and there’s a good cry and all right again. But
-when it comes to a business with a young lady and a gentlemen, the
-Colonel ought to have come himself, or he ought to have put it off till
-we all got home.”
-
-“Oh, I wish, I wish he had!” Mrs. Kingsward said, sighing. “I am not in
-the least what I used to be, Moulsey; don’t you think I am very
-different from what I used to be? I have not half the strength.”
-
-“There often is,” said Moulsey, “a time when a lady isn’t so strong,
-after all these children and everything. It takes a deal out of you, it
-do. And I don’t hold much with them foreign cures. I’m one that stands
-for home. And there’s where you ought to be, ma’am, whatever anyone may
-say.”
-
-“I am sure it is where I wish to be,” said the poor lady, “but we must
-not be unjust, Moulsey. My cure did me a great deal of good, and I liked
-being out and seeing everything just as much as the girls.”
-
-“That is just it, ma’am,” said Moulsey; “you’re a deal too much the same
-as the young ladies, and can’t make up your mind as you haven’t the
-strength for it. I’m not one to ask any questions, but I can’t help
-seeing there’s something wrong. Don’t you give in to Miss Bee in
-everything. I wouldn’t go down to make up the quarrel if I was you.
-Leave ’em to themselves, and it’ll all come right. Bless us, lovers’
-quarrels is nothing--it wouldn’t be half the fun if it wasn’t for that.”
-
-Moulsey knew very well this was no lovers’ quarrel; but it seemed to her
-a good way of satisfying herself what it was.
-
-“Oh, if that were all!” sighed the poor lady. “Moulsey, you are an old
-friend, and take an interest in the family. You have known Miss Bee
-since ever she was born. I don’t know why I shouldn’t tell you. It is
-no quarrel; it’s something the Colonel has heard about Mr. Leigh.”
-
-“All lies, ma’am, I don’t make no manner of doubt.”
-
-“Do you think so, Moulsey; oh, do you think so? Have you heard anything?
-You often know more, hearing the servants speak, than we do. If you have
-any light to throw on the subject, oh, do so, do! I shall be grateful to
-you all my life.”
-
-“I don’t know as I have any light to throw. I knew as there was some
-trouble at the time the poor young lady died--some friend of hers, as
-Mr. Leigh, being a kind-hearted gentleman, couldn’t turn out of the
-house--and it made a talk. But if there was anything wrong, you take my
-word, ma’am, it was none of his fault.”
-
-“Ah, it’s so easy to say that, Moulsey; but the man must bear the
-blame.”
-
-“I’ve always heard, ma’am, as it was the woman that got the blame; and
-right enough, for they often deserve it the most,” Moulsey said.
-
-“Oh, I wish--I wish, whoever was to blame, that it was not I that had
-to clear it up,” poor Mrs. Kingsward said.
-
- “Oh, cursed spite,
- That ever I was born to set it right.”
-
-She would not have said this, poor lady. She would have thought it
-swearing and unbecoming for a woman’s lips; still, Hamlet’s sentiment
-was hers, with much stronger reason. She looked like anything but a
-strong representative of justice as she went downstairs. Charlie had
-come to give her his arm, and though he was very tender to her, Charlie
-had no idea of sparing her any more than Bee. He, too, thought that it
-was only the risk of a headache, and that a headache was no such great
-matter. Charlie’s idea was, however, that what the governor said was, of
-all things on earth, the most important to be carried out--especially
-when it did not concern himself.
-
-Bee was sitting at the window looking out upon the river, seeing the
-reflections flash and the boats pass. The steamer had just started with
-its lively freight--the steamboat which had brought them down the stream
-yesterday, with all its changing groups, and the pairs of German lovers
-with their arms about each other in the beatitude of the betrothal. All
-just the same, but how different, how different! She did not rise, but
-only turned her head when her mother came in. She was on the other side.
-She did not see, with so many other things in her head, how fragile Mrs.
-Kingsward looked. Betty was the only one who perceived at all that mamma
-was less strong than usual, and even Betty took no notice, for she, too,
-was on the other side. As for Charlie, he stood behind her, a sort of
-representative of executive force at the back of Justice, backing her
-authority up. It was he who arranged her chair, her footstool, the shawl
-Moulsey had insisted she should wear, and which Charlie, who knew
-nothing about shawls, huddled up about her neck, not unlike the judge’s
-ermine. He did it all, not with sympathetic touches as the girls would
-have done had they not been on the other side, but rather with an eye to
-her dignity as a representative of the law.
-
-And then, just as the hour of noon sounded from all the church clocks,
-Aubrey came in. He was very pale, but dressed with care, no symptoms of
-neglect about him, with an air of preparation which became a man who was
-going to stand his trial. Bee jumped up from her seat and went up to
-him, putting her hand through his arm, and Betty, half-frightened, with
-a glance at her mother, offered him a timid hand. She sat down behind
-them, on a chair that was ranged against the wall. The defendant’s side
-was her side. She wanted to show that, and yet not to go against mamma.
-Charlie took no notice at all of the new comer, but stood scowling,
-looking at nobody, behind his mother’s chair.
-
-Mrs. Kingsward, frightened at her own dignity and breathless with
-agitation, cried, “Oh, Mr. Leigh!” which was a kind of salutation. She
-had some papers in her lap, over which her hands fluttered restlessly,
-her husband’s letter, and something else beside, and she looked at the
-group before her with a little dubious smile, asking pardon of the
-culprit whom she had come here--oh, so much against her will--to try for
-his life.
-
-“Now, mamma,” said Bee, in a cheerful voice, “we are quite ready, Aubrey
-and I--”
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER VII.
-
-
-Mrs. Kingsward’s opening speech was a wonder to hear. She sat and looked
-at them all for a moment, trying to steady herself, but there was
-nothing to steady her in what she saw before her--Aubrey and Bee, the
-pair who had been so sweet to see, such a diversion in all
-circumstances, so amusing in their mutual absorption, so delightful in
-their romance. It all flashed back to her mind; the excitement of Bee’s
-first proposal, the pleasure of seeing “her bairn respected like the
-lave,” though Mrs. Kingsward might not have understood what these words
-meant, the little triumph it was to see her child engaged at nineteen,
-when everybody said there was nobody for the girls to marry--and now to
-have that triumph turned into humiliation and dismay! And to think of
-Bee’s bright face overcast, and her happiness over, and poor Aubrey
-thrown out into the uttermost darkness. Had she seen Charlie it might
-have given her some support, for Charlie was the impersonation of
-immovable severity; but Betty’s wistful little face behind the other
-pair, coming out from Aubrey’s shadow by moments to fix an appealing
-look upon her mother, was not calculated to make her any stronger. She
-cleared her throat--she tried hard to steady her voice. She said, “Oh,
-my dear children,” faltering, and then the poor lady ended in a burst of
-sobbing and tears. It gave her a little sting and stimulant to see
-through her weeping that though little Betty ran towards her with kisses
-and soothing, Bee took no notice, but stood hard and unaffected in her
-opposition, holding close to Aubrey’s arm. Mrs. Kingsward indeed got no
-sympathy except from little Betty. Charlie put his hand imperatively
-upon her shoulder, recalling her to herself, and Bee never moved,
-standing by the side of Aubrey Leigh. The mother, thus deserted,
-plucked up a little spirit in the midst of her weakness.
-
-“Bee,” she said, “I do not think it is quite nice of you to stand there
-as if your own people were against you. We are not against you. There
-has been, I fear, a great mistake made, which Colonel Kingsward”--here
-she turned her eyes to Aubrey--“has found out in--in time; though it is
-a pity, a sad pity, that it was not found out before. If Mr. Aubrey had
-only been frank and said at once--but I don’t see what difference that
-would have made. Papa says that from what he has heard and discovered
-things must not go any further. He is sorry, and so am I, that they have
-gone so far, and the engagement must be broken off at once. You hear
-what I say, Bee?”
-
-“I heard you say so last night, mamma, but I say it is my engagement,
-and I have a right to know why. I do not mean to break it off----”
-
-“Oh, how can I make explanations--how can I enter into such a question?
-I appeal to you, Mr. Aubrey--tell her.”
-
-“She ought not to ask any explanations. She is a minor, under age. My
-father has a right to do whatever he pleases--and she has none to ask
-why.”
-
-This was how Charlie reasoned on the height of his one-and-twenty years.
-Charlie was the intolerable element in all this question. Aubrey cast a
-look at him, and forcibly closed his own lips to keep in something that
-was bursting forth. Bee defied him, as was natural, on the spot. “I will
-not have Charlie put in his opinion,” she cried. “He has nothing to do
-with me. Even if I obeyed papa, I certainly should not obey him.”
-
-“Let Aubrey say, himself,” said Mrs. Kingsward, “whether you ought to be
-told everything, Bee.”
-
-“It is cruel to ask me,” said Aubrey, speaking for the first time. “If
-Bee could know all--if you could know all, Mrs. Kingsward! But how could
-I tell you all? Part of this is true, and part is not true. I could
-speak to Colonel Kingsward more freely. I am going off to-night to
-London to see him. It will free you from embarrassment, and it will give
-me perhaps a chance. I did not want to put you to this trial. I am ready
-to put myself unreservedly in Colonel Kingsward’s hands.”
-
-“Then,” said Bee, hastily, “it seems I am of no sort of importance at
-all to anyone. I am told my engagement is broken off, and then I am told
-I am not to know why, and then----. Go, then, Aubrey, as that is your
-choice, and fight it out with papa, if you please.” She loosed her arm
-from his, with a slight impulse, pushing him away. “But just mind
-this--everybody,” she cried; “you may think little of Bee--but my
-engagement shall not be broken by anybody but me, and it shall not be
-kept on by anybody but me; and I will neither give it up nor will I hold
-to it, neither one nor the other, until I know why.”
-
-Then the judge and the defendant looked each other in the face. They
-were, as may be supposed, on opposite sides, but they were the only two
-to consult each other in this emergency. Aubrey responded by a movement
-of his head, by a slight throwing up of his hand, to the question in
-Mrs. Kingsward’s eyes.
-
-“Then you shall know as much as I can tell you, Bee. Your father had a
-letter last week, from a lady, telling him that she had a revelation to
-make. The letter alarmed your father. He felt that he must know what it
-meant. He could not go himself, but he sent Mr. Passavant, the lawyer.
-The lady said that she had lived in Mr. Leigh’s house for years, in the
-time of his late wife. She said Mr. Leigh had--had behaved very badly to
-her.”
-
-“That I do not believe,” said Bee.
-
-The words flashed out like a knife. They made a stir in the air, as if a
-sudden gleam had come into it. And then all was still again, a strange
-dead quiet coming after, in which Bee perceived Aubrey silent, covering
-his face with his hand. It came across her with a sudden pang that she
-had heard somebody say this morning or last night--“He did not deny it.”
-
-“And that he had promised her--marriage--that he was engaged to her, as
-good as--as good as married to her--when he had the cruelty--oh, my dear
-child, my dear child!--to come to you.”
-
-Aubrey took his hand away from his white face. “That,” he said, in a
-strange, dead, tuneless voice, “is not true.”
-
-“Oh, more shame to you, Aubrey, more shame to you,” cried Mrs.
-Kingsward, forgetting her judicial character in her indignation as a
-woman, “if it is not true!--” She paused a moment to draw her breath,
-then added, “But indeed you were not so wicked as you say, for it is
-true. And here is the evidence. Oh!” she cried, with tears in her eyes,
-“it makes your conduct to my child worse; but it shows that you were not
-then, not then, as bad as you say.”
-
-Bee had dropped into the chair that was next to her, and there sat, for
-her limbs had so trembled that she could not stand, watching him, never
-taking her eyes from him, as if he were a book in which the
-interpretation of this mystery was----
-
-“Never mind about me,” he said, hoarsely. “I say nothing for myself.
-Allow me to be as bad as a man can be, but that is not true. And what is
-the evidence? You never told me there was any evidence.”
-
-“Sir,” said Mrs. Kingsward, fully roused, “I told you all that was in my
-husband’s letter last night.”
-
-“Yes--that she,” a sort of shudder seemed to run over him, to the keen
-sight of the watchers--“that she--said so. You don’t know, as I do, that
-_that_ is no evidence. But you speak now as if there was something
-more.”
-
-She took a piece of folded paper from her lap. “There is this,” she
-said, “a letter you wrote to her the morning you went away.”
-
-“I did write her a letter,” he said.
-
-Mrs. Kingsward held it out to him, but was stopped by Charlie, who put
-his hand on her arm. “Keep this document, mother. Don’t put the evidence
-against him into a man’s power. I’ll read it if Mr. Leigh thinks
-proper.”
-
-Once more Aubrey and Bee together, with a simultaneous impulse, looked
-at this intruder into their story.
-
-“Mamma! send him away. I should like to kill him!” said Bee within her
-clenched teeth.
-
-“Be quiet, Charlie. Mr. Leigh, I am ready to put this or any other
-evidence against you into your hands.”
-
-He bowed very gravely, and then stood once more as if he were made of
-stone. Mrs. Kingsward faltered very much, her agitated face flushed. “It
-begins,” she said, in a low fluttering voice, “My dear little wife----”
-
-Then there came a very strange sound into the agitated silence, for
-Aubrey Leigh, on trial for more than his life, here laughed. “What more,
-what more?” he said.
-
-“No, it is not that. It is--‘I don’t want my dear little wife to be
-troubled about anything. It can all be done quite easily and quietly,
-without giving an occasion for people to talk; a settlement made and
-everything you could desire. I shall make arrangements about everything
-to-day.’ It is signed A. L., and it is in your handwriting. Bee, you can
-see it is in his handwriting; look for yourself.”
-
-Bee would not turn her head. She thought she saw the writing written in
-fire upon the air--all his familiar turns in it. How well she knew the
-A. L.; but she did not look at it--would not look. She had enough to do
-looking at his face, which was the letter--the book she was studying
-now.
-
-“No doubt it is my handwriting,” he said, “only it was addressed not to
-any other woman, but to my wife.”
-
-“Your wife died two years ago, Mr. Leigh; and that is dated
-Christmas--this year.”
-
-“That is a lie!” he cried; then restrained himself painfully. “You know
-I don’t mean you--but the date and the assumption is entirely a lie.
-Give me time, and I will tell you exactly when it was written. I
-remember the letter. It was when I had promised Amy to provide for her
-friend on condition that she should be sent away--for she made my house
-miserable.”
-
-“And yet--and yet, Mr. Leigh----. Oh, don’t you see how things
-contradict each other? She made your house miserable, and yet---- when
-your wife was dead, and you were free----”
-
-He looked at her, growing paler and paler. “And yet!” he said. “I know
-what you mean. That is the infernal art of it. My own folly has cut the
-ground from beneath my feet, and put weapons into every hand against me.
-I know--I know.”
-
-Again there came into Bee’s mind the words she had heard last night--“He
-does not deny it.” And yet he was denying it with all his might!
-Denying, and not denying--what? The girl’s brain was all in a maze, and
-she could not tell.
-
-“You see?” said Mrs. Kingsward, gently. “Oh, I am sorry for you in my
-heart. Perhaps you were led into--a connection that you feel not to
-be--desirable. That I can understand. But that you should think you
-could save yourself by means of an innocent girl, almost a child, and
-impose yourself on a family that had no suspicions!--oh, Mr. Leigh, Mr.
-Leigh! you ought to have died sooner than have done that!”
-
-He looked at her piteously for a moment, and then a dreadful sort of
-smile came upon his face. “I allow,” he said, “that that would have been
-the best.”
-
-And there fell a silence upon the room. The sun was shining outside, and
-the sound of the water gurgling against the sides of boats, and of all
-the commotion of the landing place, and of the hundreds of voices in the
-air, and of the chiming of the clocks, came in and filled the place.
-And just then there burst out a carillon from one of the steeples
-setting the whole to music, harmonising all the discords, and sweeping
-into this silence with a sudden rush of sound as if some bodily presence
-had come in. It was the touch too much for all these excited and
-troubled people. Mrs. Kingsward lay back in her chair and began to weep
-silently. Aubrey Leigh turned away from where he was standing and leant
-his head against the wall. As for Bee, she sat quite still, dazed, not
-able to understand, but crushed out of all her youthful self-assertion
-and determination to clear it all up. She to clear it up!--who did not
-even understand it, who could not fathom what was meant. That there was
-something more than met the eye, something that was not put into words,
-seemed to show vaguely through the words that were said. But what it was
-Bee could not tell. She could not understand it all. And yet that there
-was a fatal obstacle rising up between her and her lover, something
-which no one could disperse or clear away, not a mistake, not a
-falsehood, not a thing that could be passed over triumphantly and
-forgotten--not as youth is so quick to believe a mere severity, tyranny,
-arbitrary conclusion of papa--she felt in every fibre of her frame. She
-could not deny it or struggle against it; her very being seemed
-paralysed. The meaning went out of her face, the absolute, certain,
-imperious youthfulness died out of her. She who loved to have her own
-way, who had just protested that she would neither give up nor hold fast
-except by her own will and understanding, now sat dumb, vaguely staring,
-seeing shadows pass before her and hearing of things which were
-undeniable, mighty things, far more powerful than her little hot
-resolutions and determinations. Bee had never yet come face to face with
-any trouble which could not be smoothed away. There was her own
-naughtiness, there were Charlie’s escapades at school and college--some
-of which she had known were serious. But in a little while they had been
-passed over and forgotten, and everything had been as before. One time
-she remembered papa had threatened not to let Charlie go back to Harrow,
-which was a dreadful thing, exposing him and his naughtiness to all the
-world. But after a while papa had changed his mind, and everything had
-gone smoothly as before. Could papa change his mind now? Would time make
-it, even if he did, as it was before? Bee had not mental power enough to
-think these things, or ask these questions of her own will. But they
-went through her mind as people come in and go out by an open door.
-
-It was Aubrey who was the first to speak. The carillon stopped, or else
-they got used to the sound and took no further notice of it, and he
-collected himself and came forward again to the middle of the room. He
-said, “I know it will be a relief that I should go away. There is an
-afternoon train which I shall take. It is slow, but it does not matter.
-I shall be as well there as anywhere--or as ill. I shall go direct to
-Colonel Kingsward and lay my whole case before him. He will perhaps
-confront me with my accuser--I hope so--if not, he will at least hear
-what I have to say for myself.”
-
-“Oh, Mr. Leigh! Oh, Aubrey! I can’t wish you anything but well,
-whatever--whatever may be done!”
-
-“Thank you, Mrs. Kingsward, I looked for nothing less from your kind
-heart. Will you give me that letter?”
-
-She put it into his hands without the least hesitation, and he examined
-it--with a sort of strained smile upon his face. “I should like to take
-this back to Colonel Kingsward,” he said. Then added quickly with a
-short laugh, “No, I forgot; there might be suspicions. Send it back to
-him, please, by the first post, that he may have it when I get there.”
-He gave the letter back, and then he looked round wistfully. “May I say
-good-bye to Bee?”
-
-She got up at the words, feeling herself vaguely called upon--yet quite
-dull, dumb, with all sorts of thoughts going and coming through those
-wide-open doors of her mind--thoughts like strays which she seemed to
-see as they passed. Even Aubrey himself appeared a ghost. She got up and
-stood awaiting him when he approached her, not putting out a finger.
-Nobody interfered, not even Charlie, who was fuming internally yet
-somehow did not move. Aubrey went up to her and put his hands upon her
-shoulders. Her unresponsiveness sent a chill to his heart.
-
-“Have you given me up, Bee?” he cried, “Already, already!” with anguish
-in his voice.
-
-She could not say a word. She shook her head like a mute, looking at him
-with her dazed eyes.
-
-“She does not understand it--not a word!” he said.
-
-Bee shook her head again. It was all she could do. No, she did not
-understand, except that it was a kind of dying, something against which
-nobody could struggle. And then he kissed her on her forehead as gravely
-as though he had been her father; and the next moment was gone--was it
-only out of the room, or out of the world, out of life?
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER VIII.
-
-
-It was a slow train. The slowest train that there is, is, of course,
-far, far quicker than any other mode of conveyance practicable in a land
-journey, but it does not seem so. It seems as if it were delay
-personified to the eager traveller, especially on the Continent. In
-England, when it stops at a multiplicity of stations at which there is
-nothing to do, it at least goes on again in most cases after it has
-dropped its half-passenger or taken in its empty bag of letters. But
-this can never be said of a German or even of a brisker Belgian train.
-The one in which Aubrey was meandered about Liege, for instance, till he
-had mastered every aspect of that smoky but interesting place. It
-stopped for what looked like an hour at every little roadside station,
-in order, apparently, that the guard might hold a long and excited
-conversation about nothing at all with the head man of the place. And
-all the while the little electric bell would go tingling, tingling upon
-his very brain. Thus he made his slow and weary progress through the
-afternoon and evening, stopping long at last at a midnight station
-(where everything was wrapped in sleep and darkness) for the arrival of
-the express, in which the latter portion of the journey was to be
-accomplished more quickly. If there had been anything wanted to complete
-the entire overthrow of a spirit in pain it was such an experience. All
-was dismal beyond words at the place where he had to wait--one poor
-light showing through the great universe of darkness, the dark big world
-that encompassed it around--one or two belated porters wandering through
-the blackness doing mysterious pieces of business, or pretending to do
-them. A poor little wailing family--a mother and two children, put out
-there upon a bench from some other train, one of the babies wailing
-vaguely into the dark, the other calling upon “mamma, mamma,” driving
-the poor mother frantic--were waiting like himself. It gave Aubrey a
-momentary consolation to see something that appeared at least to the
-external eye more forlorn than he. He remembered, too, that there had
-once been a baby cry that went to his heart, and though all the
-associations connected with that had now turned into gall and
-bitterness, so that the sound seemed like a spear penetrating his very
-being, and he walked away as far as the bounds of the station would
-allow, to get, if possible, out of hearing of it--yet pity, a better
-inspiration, at last gained the day. He went up and spoke to the woman,
-and found that she was an English workman’s wife making her way home
-with her children to a mother who was dying. They had turned her out
-here, with her babies, to wait--ah, not for the express train which was
-to carry on the gentleman, but for the slow, slow-creeping third-class
-which only started in the morning, and which would, after other long
-waits at other places, reach England sometime, but she could scarcely
-tell when.
-
-“And must you pass the night here out in the cold?” said Aubrey.
-
-“It isn’t not to call a cold night, sir,” said the woman, meekly, “and
-they’ve got plenty on to keep them warm.”
-
-“I’ll try and get them to open the waiting-room for you,” said Aubrey.
-
-“Oh, no, sir; thank you kindly, but don’t take the trouble--the rooms
-are that stuffy. It’s better for them in the open air, and they’ll go to
-sleep in a little while. Baby will be quite warm on my lap, and Johnny’s
-lying against me.”
-
-“And what is to become of you in this arrangement?” said Aubrey, looking
-pitifully, with eyes that had known the experiences both of husband and
-father, upon this little plump human bed, which was to stand in the
-place of down pillows for the children.
-
-“Oh, I’ll do very well, sir, when they go to sleep,” she said, looking
-up at him with a smile.
-
-“And when does your train go?”
-
-“Not till six in the morning,” she replied; “but perhaps that’s all the
-better, for I’ll be able to get them some bread and milk, and a good
-wash before we start.”
-
-Well, it was not much of an indulgence for a man who was well off. He
-might have thrown it away on any trifle, and nobody would have wasted a
-thought on the subject. He got hold of one of the wandering ghosts of
-porters, and got him, with a douceur, to change the poor woman’s cheap
-ticket for her into one for the express, and commissioned him, if
-possible, to get her a place in a sleeping carriage, where, I fear, she
-was not likely to be at all a warmly welcomed addition to the luxurious
-young men or delicate ladies in these conveyances. He saw that there was
-one found for her which was almost empty when the train came up. He
-scarcely knew if she were young or old--though indeed, as a matter of
-fact, the poor little mother, bewildered by her sudden elevation among
-the gentlefolks, and not quite sure that she would not have preferred to
-remain where she was and pick up in the morning her natural third-class
-train, was both young and pretty, a fact that was remarked by the one
-young lady in the carriage, who saw the young man through the window at
-her side, and recognised him in a flash of the guard’s lantern, with
-deep astonishment to see him handing in such a woman and such children
-to the privileged places. He disappeared himself into the dark, and
-indeed took his place in the corner of a smoking carriage, where his
-cigar was a faint soother of pain. In his human short-sightedness, poor
-Aubrey also was consoled a little, I think, by the thought that this
-poor fellow-passenger was comfortable--she and her children--and that
-instead of slumbering uneasily on a bench, she was able to lay the
-little things in a bed. It seemed to him a good omen, a little
-relaxation of the bonds of fate, and he went away cheered a little and
-encouraged by this simple incident and by the warmth of the kindness
-that was in his heart.
-
-He spoke to them again on one or two occasions on the way, sent the poor
-woman some tea in the morning, bought some fruit for the children, and
-again on the steamboat crossing, when he listened to the account of how
-they were going on, from Dover, with a certain interest. When they
-parted at the train he shook hands with the mother, hoping she would
-find her relation better, and put a sovereign into Johnny’s little fat
-hand. The lady who had been in the sleeping carriage kept her eye upon
-him all the time. She was not by any means a malicious or bad woman, but
-she did not believe the poor woman’s story of the gentleman’s kindness.
-She was, I am sorry to say, a lady who was apt to take the worst view of
-every transaction, especially between men and women. People who do so
-are bound in many cases to be right, and so are confirmed in their
-odious opinion; but in many cases they are wrong, yet always hold to it
-with a faith which would do credit to a better inspiration. “I thought
-young Mr. Leigh was going to marry again,” she said to a friend whom she
-met going up to town.
-
-“Oh, so he is! To the nicest girl--Bee Kingsward, the daughter of one of
-my dearest friends--such a satisfactory thing in every way.”
-
-“Wasn’t there something,” said the lady of the sleeping carriage, “about
-a woman, down at his place in the country?”
-
-“Oh, I don’t think there was ever anything against him. There was a
-woman who was a great friend of his poor wife, and lived with them. The
-wife was a goose, don’t you know, and could not be made to see what a
-foolish thing it was. My opinion is that he never could abide the woman,
-and I am sure she made mischief between them. But I believe that silly
-little Mrs. Leigh--poor thing, we should not speak ill of those that are
-gone--made him promise on her deathbed that this Miss Something-or-other
-should not be sent away from the house. It was a ridiculous arrangement,
-and no woman that respected herself would have done it. But she was
-poor, and it’s a comfortable place, and, perhaps, as there was no
-friendship between them she may have thought it was no harm.”
-
-“Perhaps she thought she would get over him in time and make him marry
-her.”
-
-“Oh, I can’t tell what she thought! He rushed off in a hurry at a
-moment’s notice, nobody knowing what he intended, after the poor baby
-died, the very day of its funeral. Not much to be wondered at, poor
-young man, after all he had gone through. I don’t know how things were
-settled with Miss Lance, but I believe that she has gone at last. And I
-am delighted to hear of his engagement. So will all his neighbours in
-the county be.”
-
-“I should not like a daughter of mine to marry a man like that.”
-
-“Why? I wish a daughter of mine could have the chance. Everybody likes
-him at home. Do you know anything of Aubrey Leigh?”
-
-He did not know in the least that this talk was going on as the train
-went rushing on to town; his ears did not tingle. He was in the next
-carriage, divided only by a plank from these two ladies in their
-compartment. The woman who took the bad view of everything did not wish
-him any harm. She did not even think badly of him. She thought it was
-only human nature, and that young men will do that sort of thing,
-however nice they may be, and whatever you may say of morals and so
-forth. I do not think, though she had made that little conventional
-speech, that she would at all have hesitated to give her own daughter to
-Aubrey, provided that she had a daughter. His advantages were so
-evident, and the disadvantages, after all, had so little to do with
-actual life.
-
-Aubrey did not present himself before Colonel Kingsward that night. He
-did not propose to follow him to Kingswarden, the old house in Kent,
-which was the sole remnant of territorial property belonging to the
-family. He wanted to have all his wits about him, to be cool and
-self-possessed, and able to remember everything, when he saw the man who
-had given him Bee and then had withdrawn her from his arms. He already
-knew Colonel Kingsward a little, and knew him as a man full of
-_bonhommie_, popular everywhere--a man of experience, who had been about
-the world, who knew men. By this time Aubrey had recovered his spirits a
-little. He thought it impossible that such a man, when a younger than
-himself laid bare his heart to him, could fail to understand. It was
-true that the Colonel was probably a martinet in morals as he was in his
-profession, and Aubrey had that behind him which he could not deny. He
-would not attempt to gloss it over, to make excuses for it. He would lay
-his life in this man’s hand as if he had been his confessor. And
-surely, surely the acknowledged sin would find absolution, the
-extenuating circumstances would be considered, the lie with which that
-accusation was accompanied would recoil upon the accuser. The young man
-buoyed himself up with these thoughts through the long evening. He did
-not go out or to his club, or anywhere where he was known. In September
-there are not so many inducements to stray about London. He sat in his
-room and thought of Bee, and wrote little letters to her, which were a
-relief to his mind though he knew he could not send them. By this time
-he reflected they must have started. They were beginning their journey
-as he ended his. He hoped that Charlie, that lout, would have the sense
-to take care of his mother, to see that she suffered as little as
-possible, to prevent her from having any trouble--which I fear was not
-the view at all that Charlie took of his duty to his mother. Aubrey,
-like all outsiders, had a clearer view of Mrs. Kingsward’s condition
-than her family had arrived at. He was very sorry for her, poor,
-delicate, tender woman--and grieved to the bottom of his heart that this
-trouble should have come upon her through him. Bee was different. There
-would be so many ways, please God, if all went well--and he could not
-bring himself to think that all would not go well--in which he could
-make it up to his Bee. Finally, he permitted himself to write a little
-letter to meet his darling on her return, and enclosed in it another to
-Mrs. Kingsward, directed to Kingswarden. They would receive it when they
-entered their house--and by that time, surely by that time, his letters
-would not be any longer a forbidden thing.
-
-That morning it rained, and the London skies hung very low. The world
-had the effect of a room with a low roof, stifling and without air. He
-set out to walk to Colonel Kingsward’s office. I forget whether the
-Intelligence Department of the War Office was in existence at that time,
-or if it has always been in existence only not so much heard of as in
-our vociferous days. If it did exist then, it was, of course, in Pall
-Mall, as we all know. Aubrey set out to walk, but soon recollected that
-muddy boots detracted from a man’s appearance, especially in the eyes of
-a spick and span person like Colonel Kingsward, who never had a speck
-upon any garment, and accordingly he got into a hansom. It did not go
-any faster than the beating of his heart, and yet he could have wished
-that it should only creep along like the heavier cabs. He would have put
-off this interview now had he been able. To think that you are within an
-hour at most of the moment when your life shall be settled for you
-absolutely by another person’s will, and that your happiness or
-unhappiness rest upon the manner in which he will look at the question,
-the perception he will have of your difficulties, the insight into your
-heart, is a terrible thing--especially if you know little of the person
-who has thus become endowed, as it were, with the power of life and
-death over you--do not know if his understanding is a large or limited
-one, if he has any human nature in him, or only mere conventionality and
-the shell of human nature. It is seldom, perhaps, that one man is thus
-consciously in the power of another--and yet it must come to that more
-or less, every day.
-
-Colonel Kingsward was in his room, seated at his writing table with
-piles of books and maps, and masses of newspapers all round him. He was
-an excellent linguist, and there were French papers and German papers,
-Russian, Scandinavian--all kinds of strange languages and strange little
-broadsheets, badly printed, black with excessive ink, or pale with
-imperfect impression, on the floor and the table. He had a large paper
-knife at his hand in ivory, with the natural brown upon it, looking like
-a weapon which could cut a man, not to say a book, in pieces. He looked
-up with an aspect which Aubrey, whose heart was in his mouth, could not
-read--whether it was mere politeness or something more--and bade Mr.
-Leigh be seated, putting aside deliberately as he did so the papers with
-which he was engaged. And then he turned round with the air of a man who
-says: Now you have my entire attention--and looked Aubrey in the face.
-The young man was facing the light which came in from a large high
-window reaching nearly to the roof. The elder man had his back half
-turned from it, so that his regard was less easy to read. It was not
-quite fair. Aubrey had everything against him; his agitation, his
-anxiety, an expressive tell-tale face, and the light searching every
-change that took place in it; whilst his opponent was calm as his own
-paper knife, impassive, with a countenance formed to conceal his
-emotions, and the light behind him. It was not an equal match in any
-way.
-
-“I have come direct from Cologne,” Aubrey said.
-
-“Ah, yes. I believe my wife says so in her letter.”
-
-“You have news from them to-day? I hope that Mrs. Kingsward is better.”
-
-“My wife never at any time speaks much of her health. She was a little
-fatigued and remained another day to rest.”
-
-“She is very delicate, sir,” said Aubrey. He did not know why, unless it
-was reluctance to begin what he had to say.
-
-“I am perfectly acquainted with Mrs. Kingsward’s condition,” said the
-Colonel, in a tone which was not encouraging. He added, “I don’t suppose
-you took the trouble to come here, Mr. Leigh, in order to speak to me
-about my wife’s health.”
-
-“No. It is true. I ought not to waste the time you have accorded me. I
-do not need to tell you, Colonel Kingsward, what I have come about.”
-
-“I think you do,” said the Colonel, calmly. “My letter to my wife, which
-I believe she communicated to you, conveyed all I had to say on the
-matter. It was not written without reflection, nor without every
-possible effort to arrive at the truth. Consequently, I have no desire
-to re-open the subject. It is in my mind concluded and put aside.”
-
-“But you will hear me?” said Aubrey. “You have heard one statement,
-surely you will hear the other. No man is condemned unheard. I have come
-here to throw myself upon your mercy--to tell you my story. However
-prejudiced you may be against me----”
-
-“A moment, Mr. Leigh. I have no prejudice against you. I am not the
-judge of your conduct. I claim the right to decide for my daughter--that
-is all. I have no prejudice or feeling against you.”
-
-“Colonel Kingsward,” cried Aubrey, “for God’s sake listen! Hear what I
-have to say!”
-
-The Colonel looked at him again. Perhaps it was the passion of
-earnestness in the young man’s face that touched him. Perhaps he felt
-that it was unwise to leave it to be said that he had not heard both
-sides. The end was that he waved his hand and said:
-
-“My time is not my own. I have no right to spend it on merely private
-interests; but if you will make your story as short as possible I will
-hear what you have to say.”
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER IX.
-
-
-The story which Aubrey Leigh had to tell was indeed made as short as
-possible. To describe the most painful crisis in your life, the moment
-which you yourself shudder to look back at, which awakens in you that
-fury of self-surprise, horror and wonder which a sudden departure from
-all the habits of your life brings after it when it is guilt, is not an
-easy thing; but it supplies terse expressions and rapidity of narration.
-There is no desire to dwell upon the details, and to tell a story so
-deeply affecting one’s self to a politely unsympathetic listener who
-does not affect to be much interested or at all moved by the subtle
-self-defence which runs through every such statement, is still more
-conducive to brevity. Aubrey laid bare the tempest that had swept over
-him with a breathless voice and broken words. He could not preserve his
-equanimity, or look as if it were an easy thing for him to do. He made
-the most hurried description of the visitor who had taken possession of
-his house, saying not a word beyond the bare fact. It had been deeply
-embarrassing that she should be there, though at first in the melancholy
-of his widowerhood he had not thought of it, or cared who was in the
-house. Afterwards he was prevented from doing anything to disturb her by
-his promise to his dying wife. Then had come the anxiety about the baby,
-the wavering of that little life in which the forlorn young father had
-come to take a little pleasure. She had been very kind to the child,
-watching over it, and when the little thing died, when the misery of the
-fresh desolation, and the pity of it, and the overwhelming oppression of
-the sad house had quite overcome the spirit of its young master, then
-she had thrown herself upon him, with all the signs of a sudden passion
-of sympathy and tenderness. Had any confessor skilled in the accounts of
-human suffering heard Aubrey’s broken tale he could have found nothing
-but truth in it, and would have recognised the subtle sequence of events
-which had led to that downfall. But Colonel Kingsward, though not
-unlearned in men, listened like a man of wood, playing with the large
-paper-knife, and never looking towards the penitent, who told his story
-with such a strain of the labouring breast and agonised spirit. Had a
-young officer in whom he had no particular interest thus explained and
-accounted for some dereliction of duty he might have understood or
-sympathised. But he had no wish to understand Aubrey; his only desire
-was to brush him off as quickly as possible, to be done with his
-ridiculous story, to hear of him no more. He might be as little guilty
-as he described himself. What then? Aubrey’s character was nothing to
-Colonel Kingsward, except as it affected his daughter. He had cut him
-off from all connection with his daughter, and it was now quite
-immaterial to him whether the man was a weak fool or a deceiver.
-Probably from as much as he heard while thus listening as little as he
-could, Leigh was in the former class, and certainly he did not intend
-to take a weak fool, who had shown himself to be at the mercy of any
-designing woman, into his family as the husband of Bee. Give him the
-benefit of the doubt, and allow that it had happened so, that the woman
-was much more to blame than the man, and what then? A sturdy sinner on
-the whole was not less but more easily pardoned than a weak fool.
-
-“This is all very well, Mr. Leigh,” Colonel Kingsward said, “and I am
-sorry that you have thought it necessary to enter into these painful
-details. They may be quite true. I will not offend you by doubting that
-you believe them to be quite true. But how, then, do you account for the
-letter which my wife, I believe, showed you, and which came direct from
-the lady’s own hand to mine?”
-
-“The letter was a letter which I wrote to my wife two years ago. There
-had been discussions between us on this very subject. I promised, on
-condition that Miss Lance should leave us, to make such arrangements for
-her comfort as were possible to me--to settle a yearly income on her,
-enough to live on.”
-
-“Was that arrangement ever carried out?”
-
-“No; my wife became ill immediately after. I found her on my return in
-Miss Lance’s arms, imploring that so long as she lived her friend should
-not be taken from her. What could I do? And that prayer was changed on
-my poor Amy’s deathbed to another--that I would never send Miss Lance
-away; that she should always have a home at Forest-leigh and watch over
-the child.”
-
-“I don’t wish to arouse any such painful recollections--especially as
-they can be of no advantage to anyone--but how does this letter come to
-have the date of last Christmas, more than a year after Mrs. Leigh’s
-death?”
-
-“How can I tell that, sir? How can I tell how the devilish web was woven
-at all? The note had no date, I suppose, and the person who could use it
-for this purpose would not hesitate at such a trifle as to add a date.”
-
-“Mr. Leigh, I repeat the whole matter is too painful to be treated by
-me. But how is it, if you regarded this lady with those sentiments,
-that you should have in a moment changed them, and, to put the mildest
-interpretation upon your proceedings, thus put yourself in her power?”
-
-The young man’s flushed and anxious face grew deadly pale. He turned his
-eyes from the inquisitor to the high blank light pouring in from the
-large window. “God knows,” he said, “that is what I cannot explain--or
-rather, I should say, the devil knows!” he cried with vehemence. “I was
-entirely off my guard--thinking, heaven knows, of nothing less.”
-
-“The devil is a safe sort of agency to put the blame on. We cannot in
-ordinary affairs accept him as the scapegoat, Mr. Leigh--excuse me for
-saying so. I will not refuse to say that I allow there may be excuses
-for you, with a woman much alive to her own interests and ready for any
-venture. You did write to her, however, on the day you left?”
-
-“I wrote to her, telling her the arrangement I had proposed to my wife,
-in the very letter which she has sent to you--that I would carry it out
-at once, and that I hoped she would perceive, as I did, that it was
-impossible we should remain under the same roof, or, indeed, meet
-again.”
-
-“That was on what date?”
-
-“The evening before my child’s funeral. Next day, as soon as it was
-over, I left the house, and have never set foot in it again.”
-
-“Yet this lady, to whom you had, you say, sent such a letter, was at the
-funeral, and stood at the child’s grave leaning on your arm.”
-
-“More than that,” cried Aubrey, with a gasp of his labouring breath,
-“she came up to me as I stood there and put her arm, as if to support
-me, within mine.”
-
-The Colonel could not restrain an exclamation. “By Jove,” he said, “she
-is a strong-minded woman, if that is true. Do you mean to say that this
-was after she had your letter?”
-
-“I suppose so. I sent it to her in the morning. I was anxious to avoid
-any scene.”
-
-“And then, on your way to London, on that day, you went to your
-solicitors, and gave instructions in respect to Miss Lance’s
-annuity--which you say now had been determined on long before?”
-
-“It was determined on long before.”
-
-“But never mentioned to any one until that time.”
-
-“I beg your pardon; on the day on which I wrote that letter to my
-wife I went direct to my lawyer and talked the matter over freely
-with Mr. Morell, who had known me all my life, and knew all the
-circumstances--and approved my resolution, as the best of two evils, he
-said.”
-
-“This is the most favourable thing I have heard, Mr. Leigh. He will, of
-course, be able to back you up in what you say?”
-
-“Mr. Morell!” Aubrey sprang to his feet with a start of dismay. “I
-think,” he cried, “all the powers of hell must be against me. Mr. Morell
-is dead.”
-
-They looked at each other for a moment in silence. A half smile came
-upon the Colonel’s face, though even he was a little overawed by the
-despair in the countenance of the young man.
-
-“I don’t know that it matters very much,” he said, “for, after all, Mr.
-Leigh, your anxiety to get rid of your wife’s companion might have two
-interpretations. You might have been sincerely desirous to free yourself
-from a temptation towards another woman, which would have given Mrs.
-Leigh pain. A man does not sacrifice two hundred a year without a strong
-motive. And subsequent events make this a far more likely reason than
-the desire to get rid of an unwelcome inmate.”
-
-“I cannot tell whether my motive was likely or not. I tell you, sir,
-what it was.”
-
-“Ah, yes--but unfortunately without any corroboration--and the story is
-very different from the other side. It appears from that that you wished
-to establish relationship during your poor wife’s life, and that it was
-the lady who was moved by pity for you in a moment of weakness--which is
-much more according to the rule in such matters.”
-
-“It is a lie!” Aubrey cried. “Colonel Kingsward, you are a man--and an
-honourable man. Can you imagine another man, with the same principles as
-yourself, guilty of such villainy as that? Can you believe----”
-
-“Mr. Leigh,” said the other, “it is unnecessary to ask me what I can
-believe; nor can I argue, from what I would do, as to what you would do.
-That may be of good Christianity, you know, but it is not tenable in
-life. Many men are capable enough of what I say; and, indeed, I do you
-the credit to believe that you were willing to keep the temptation at a
-distance--to make a sacrifice in order to ease the mind of your wife. I
-show a great deal of faith in you when I say that. Another man might say
-that Mrs. Leigh had exacted it from you as a thing necessary to her
-peace.”
-
-Aubrey Leigh rose up again, and began to pace the room from one side to
-the other. He could not keep still in his intolerable impatience and
-scorn of the net which was tightening about his feet. Anger rose up like
-a whirlwind in his mind; but to indulge it was to lose for ever the
-cause which, indeed, was already lost. When he had gained control over
-himself and his voice, he said, “We had neighbours; we had friends; our
-life was not lived in a corner unknown to the world. There is my mother;
-ask them--they all know----.”
-
-“Does anyone outside know what goes on between a husband and wife?” said
-Colonel Kingsward. “Such discussions do not go on before witnesses. If
-poor Mrs. Leigh----”
-
-“Sir,” cried Aubrey, stung beyond hearing, “I will not permit any man to
-pity my wife.”
-
-“It was beyond my province I allow, but one uses the word for those who
-die young. I don’t know why, for if all is true that we profess to
-believe they certainly have the best of it. Well, if Mrs. Leigh, to
-speak by the book, had any such burden on her mind, and really felt her
-happiness to depend on the banishment of that dangerous companion, it is
-not likely that she would speak of it either to your neighbours or to
-your mother.”
-
-“Why not? My mother was of that mind, though not for that villainous
-reason; my mother knew, everybody knew--everybody agreed with me in
-wishing her gone. I appeal to all who knew us, Colonel Kingsward! There
-is not a friend I have who did not compassionate me for Amy’s insensate
-affection. God forgive me that I should say a word against my poor
-little girl, but it was an infatuation--as all her friends knew.”
-
-“Don’t you think we are now getting into the region of the extravagant?”
-Colonel Kingsward said. “I cannot send out a royal commission to take
-the evidence of your friends.”
-
-Aubrey had to pause again to master himself. If this man, with his
-contemptuous accents, his cool disdain, were not Bee’s father!---- but
-he was so, and, therefore, must not be defied. He answered after a time
-in a subdued voice. “Will you allow me--to send one or two of them to
-tell you what they know. There is Fairfield, with whom you are
-acquainted already, there is Lord Langtry, there is Vavasour, who was
-with us constantly----”
-
-“To none of these gentlemen, I presume, would Mrs. Leigh be likely to
-unfold her most intimate sentiments.”
-
-“Two of them have wives,” said Aubrey, determined to hold fast, “whom
-she saw familiarly daily--country neighbours.”
-
-“I must repeat, Mr. Leigh, I cannot send out a royal commission to take
-the evidence of your friends.”
-
-“Do you mean that you will not hear any evidence, Colonel
-Kingsward?--that I am condemned already?--that it does not matter what I
-have in my favour?”
-
-Colonel Kingsward rose to dismiss his suitor. “I have already said, Mr.
-Leigh, that I am not your judge. I have no right to condemn you. Your
-account may be all true; your earnestness and air of sincerity, I allow,
-in a case in which I was not personally involved, would go far to making
-me believe it was true. But what then? The matter is this: Will I allow
-my daughter to marry a man of whom such a question has been raised? I
-say no: and there I am within my clear rights. You may be able to clear
-yourself, making out the lady to be a sort of demon in human shape. My
-friend, who saw her, said she was a very attractive woman. But really
-this is not the question. I am not a censor of public morals, and on the
-whole it is a matter of indifference to me whether you are guiltless or
-not. The sole thing is that I will not permit my daughter to put her
-foot where such a scandal has been. I have nothing to do with you but
-everything with her. And I think now that all has been said.”
-
-“That is, you will not hear anything more?”
-
-“Well--if you like to put it so--I prefer not to hear any more.”
-
-“Not if Bee’s happiness should be involved?”
-
-“My daughter’s happiness, I hope, does not depend upon a man whom she
-has known only for a month. She may think so now. But she will soon know
-better. That is a question into which I decline to enter with you.”
-
-“Men have died and worms have eaten them, but not for love,” said
-Aubrey, with a coarse laugh. He turned as if to go away. “But you do not
-mean that this is final, Colonel Kingsward---- not final? Not for ever?
-Never to be revised or reconsidered---- even if I were as bad as you
-think me?”
-
-“How needless is all this! I have told you your character does not
-concern me--and I do not say that you are bad--or think so. I am sorry
-for you. You have got into a rather dreadful position, Mr. Leigh, for a
-young man of your age.”
-
-“And yet at my age you think I should be cut off for ever from every
-hope of salvation!”
-
-“Not so; this is all extravagant--ridiculous! And if you will excuse me,
-I am particularly busy this morning, with a hundred things to do.”
-
-Poor Aubrey would have killed with pleasure, knocked down and trampled
-upon, the immovable man of the world who thus dismissed him; but to be
-humble, even abject, was his only hope. “I will try, then, to find some
-moment of leisure another time.”
-
-“It is unnecessary, Mr. Leigh. I shall not change my mind; surely you
-must see that it is better for all parties to give it up at once.”
-
-“I shall never give it up.”
-
-“Pooh! one nail drives out another. You don’t seem to have been a
-miracle of constancy in your previous relationships. Good morning. I
-trust to hear soon that you have made as satisfactory a settlement of
-other claims.”
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER X.
-
-
-Other claims! What other claims? Aubrey Leigh went out of the office in
-Pall Mall with these words circling through his mind. They seemed to
-have nothing to do with that which occupied him, which filled every
-thought. His dazed memory and imagination caught them up as he went
-forth in the fury of suppressed anger, and the dizzy, stifled sensation
-of complete failure. He had felt sure, even when he felt least sure,
-that when it was possible to tell his tale fully, miserable story as it
-was, the man to whom he humbled himself thus, not being a recluse or a
-mere formalist--a man of the world--would at least, to some degree,
-understand and perceive how little real guilt there might be even in
-such a fault as he had committed. It was not a story which could be
-repeated in a woman’s ears; but a man, who knew more or less what was in
-man--the momentary lapses, the sudden impulses, the aberrations of
-intolerable trouble, sorrow, and despair----. Aubrey did not take into
-account the fact that there are some men to whom such a condition as
-that into which he himself had fallen in the desolation of his silent
-house--when death came a second time within the sad year, and his young
-soul felt in the first sensation of despair that he could not bear it;
-that he was a man signalled out by fate, to whom it was vain to
-struggle, to whom life was a waste and heaven a mockery--was
-inconceivable. Colonel Kingsward was certainly not a man like that. He
-would have said to himself that the mother being gone it was only a
-blessing and advantage that the child should go too, and he would have
-withdrawn himself decorously to his London lodgings and his club, and
-his friends would all have said that it was on the whole a good thing
-for him, and that he was young, and his life still before him. So,
-indeed, they had said of Aubrey, and so poor Aubrey had proved for
-himself. Had there not been that terrible moment behind him, that
-intolerable blackness and midnight of despair, in which any hand that
-gripped his could lead him till the light of morning burst upon him, and
-showed him whither in his misery he had been led!
-
-Satisfy other claims? The words blew like a noxious wind through his
-brain. He laughed to himself softly as he went along. What claims had he
-to satisfy? He had done all that honour and scorn could do to satisfy
-the harpy who had dug her claws into his life. Should he try to
-propitiate her with other gifts? No, no! That would be but to prolong
-the scandal, to give her a motive for continuance, to make it appear
-that he was in her power. He was in her power, alas, fatally as it
-proved, if it should be so that she had made an end of the happiness of
-his life. She had blighted the former chapter of that existence,
-bringing out all that was petty in the poor little bride over whom she
-had gained so complete an ascendancy, showing her husband Amy’s
-worst side, the aspect of her which he might never have known but
-for that fatal companion ever near. And now she had ruined him
-altogether--ruined him as in old stories the Pamelas of the village were
-ruined by a villain who took advantage of their simplicity. What lovely
-woman who had stooped to folly could be more ruined than this unhappy
-young man? He laughed to himself at this horrible travesty of that old
-familiar eighteenth century tale. This was the _fin de siecle_ version
-of it, he supposed--the version in which it was the designing woman who
-seized upon the moment of weakness and the man who suffered shipwreck of
-everything in consequence. There was a horrible sort of ridicule in it
-which wrought poor Aubrey almost to madness. When the woman is the
-victim, however sorely she may be to blame for her own disgrace, a sort
-of pathos and romance is about her, and pity is winged with indignation
-against the man who is supposed to have taken advantage of her weakness.
-But when it is a man who is the victim! Then the mildest condemnation he
-can look for is the coarse laugh of contempt, the inextinguishable
-ridicule, to which even in fiction it is too great a risk to expose a
-hero. He was no hero--but an unhappy young man fallen into the most
-dreadful position in which man could be, shut out of all hope of ever
-recovering himself, marked by the common scorn--no ordinary sinner, a
-man who had profaned his own home, and all the most sacred prejudices of
-humanity. He had felt all that deeply when he rushed from his house, a
-man distraught not knowing where he went. And then morning and evening,
-and the dews and the calm, and the freshness and elasticity inalienable
-from youth had driven despair and horror away. He had felt it at last
-impossible that all his life--a life which he desired to live out in
-duty and kindness, and devotion to God and man--should be spoiled for
-ever by his momentary yielding to a horrible temptation. He had thought
-at first that he never could hold up his head again. But gradually the
-impression had been soothed away, and he had vainly hoped that such a
-thing might be left behind him and might be heard of no more.
-
-Now he was undeceived--now he was convinced that for what a man does he
-must answer, not only at the bar of God, where all the secrets of the
-heart are revealed, but also before men. There are times in which the
-former judgment is more easy to think of than the latter--for God knows
-all, everything that is in favour of the culprit, while men only know
-what is against him. A man with sorrow in his heart for all his
-shortcomings, can endure, upon his knees, that all-embracing gaze of
-infinite understanding and pity. But to stand before men who
-misconstrue, mis-see, misapprehend, how different a thing it is--who do
-not know the end from the beginning, to whom the true balance and
-perfect poise of justice is almost impossible--who can judge only as
-they know, and who can know only the husk and shell of fact, the
-external aspect of affairs by the side which is visible to them. All
-these thoughts went through Aubrey’s mind as he went listlessly about
-those familiar streets in their autumnal quiet, no crowd about, nothing
-to interrupt the progress of the wayfarer. He went across the Green
-Park, which is brown in the decadence of summer, almost as solitary as
-if he had been in his own desolate glades at home. London has a
-soothing effect sometimes on such a still, sunny autumn day, when it
-seems to rest after the worry and heat and strain of all its frivolity
-and folly. The soft haze blurs all the outlines, makes the trees too
-dark and the sky too pale; yet it is sunshine and not fog which wraps
-the landscape, even that landscape which lies between Pall Mall and
-Piccadilly. It soothed our young man a little in the despair of his
-thoughts. Surely, surely at eight-and-twenty everything could not be
-over. Bee would in a year or two be the mistress of her own actions. She
-was not a meek girl, to be coerced by her father. She would judge for
-herself in such a dreadful emergency. After all that had passed, the
-whole facts of the case would have to be submitted to her, which was a
-thought that enveloped him as in flames of shame. Yet she would judge
-for herself, and her judgment would be more like that of heaven than
-like that of earth. A kind of celestial ray gleamed upon him in this
-thought.
-
-And as for these other claims--well, if any claim were put forth he
-would not shrink--would not try to compromise, would not try to hide
-his shame under piles of gold. Now he had no motive for concealment, he
-would face it out and have the question set straight in the eye of day.
-To be sure, for a man to accuse a woman is against the whole
-conventional code of honour. To accuse all women is the commonplace of
-every day; but to put the blame of seduction upon one is what a man dare
-not do save in the solitude of his chamber--or in such a private
-inquisition as Aubrey had gone through that day. This is one of the
-proofs that there is much to be said on both sides, and that it is the
-unscrupulous of either side who has the most power to humble and to
-destroy. But the bravado did him good for the moment--let her make her
-claim, whatever that claim was, and he would meet it in the face of day!
-
-Other ideas came rapidly into Aubrey’s mind when he strolled listlessly
-into his club, and almost ran against the friend in whose house he had
-first met Colonel Kingsward, and through whom consequently all that had
-afterwards happened had come about. “Fairfield!” he cried, with a gleam
-of sudden hope in his eyes.
-
-“Leigh! You here?--I thought you were philandering on the banks of--some
-German river or other. Well! and so I hear I have to congratulate you,
-my boy--and I’m sure I do so with all my heart----”
-
-“You might have done so a week ago, and I should have responded with all
-mine. But you see me fallen again on darker days. Fate’s against me, it
-seems, in every way.”
-
-“Why, what’s the matter?” cried his friend. “I expected to see you
-triumphant. What has gone wrong? Not settlements already, eh?”
-
-“Settlements! They are free to make what settlements they like so far as
-I am concerned.”
-
-“Kingsward’s a very cool hand, Aubrey. You may lose your head if you
-like, but he always knows what he is about. You are an excellent
-match----”
-
-“You think so,” said poor Aubrey, with a laugh. “Not badly off; a mild,
-domestic fellow, with no devil in me at all.
-
-“I should not exactly say that. A man is no man without a spice of the
-devil. Why, what’s the matter? Now I look at you, instead of a
-victorious lover, you have the most miserable hang-dog----”
-
-“Hang-dog, that is it--a rope’s end, and all over. Hang it, no! I am not
-going to give in. Fairfield, I don’t want to speak disrespectfully of
-any woman.”
-
-“Is it Mrs. Kingsward who is too young, herself, to think of enacting
-the part of mother-in-law so soon as this?”
-
-“Mrs. Kingsward is a sort of an angel, Fairfield, if it were not
-old-fashioned to say so--and, alas, I fear, she will not enact any part
-long, which is so much the worse for me.”
-
-“You don’t say so! That pretty creature, with all her pretty ways, and
-her daughter just the same age as she! Poor Kingsward. Aubrey, if a man
-shows a little impatience with your raptures in such circumstances, I
-don’t think you ought to be hard upon him.”
-
-“I don’t believe he knows what are the circumstances, nor any of them.
-It is not from that cause, Fairfield. You know Miss Lance, poor Amy’s
-friend----”
-
-Once more he grew hot all over as he named her name, and turned his face
-from his friend’s gaze.
-
-“Remember her! I should think so, and all you had to bear on that point,
-old man. We have often said, Mary and I, that if ever there was a
-hero----”
-
-“Fairfield! they have got up a tale that it was I who kept her at
-Forest-leigh against poor Amy’s will, and that my poor wife’s life was
-made miserable by my attentions to that fi----.” Fiend he would have
-said, but he changed it to “woman,” which meant to him at that moment
-the same thing.
-
-Fairfield stared for a moment--was he taking a new idea into his
-commonplace mind? Then he burst into a loud laugh. “You can call the
-whole county to bear witness to that,” he cried. “Attentions! Well, I
-suppose you were civil, which was really more than anyone expected from
-you.”
-
-“You know, and everybody knows, what a thorn in the flesh it was. My
-poor Amy! Without that, there would have been no cloud on our life, and
-it all arose from her best qualities, her tender heart, her
-faithfulness----”
-
-A dubious shade came over Fairfield’s face. “Yes, no doubt; and Miss
-Lance’s flattery and blandishments. Aubrey, I don’t mind saying it now
-that you are well quit of her--that was a woman to persuade a fellow
-into anything. I should no more have dared to keep her--especially
-after--in my house, and to expose myself to her wiles----”
-
-“They never were wiles for me,” said Aubrey, again turning his head
-away. It was true, true--far more true than the fatal contradiction of
-it, which lay upon his heart like a stone. “I never came nearer to
-hating any of God’s creatures than that woman. She made my life a burden
-to me. She took my wife from me----. She---- I needn’t get dithyrambic
-on the subject; you all know.”
-
-“Oh, yes, we all know; but you were too soft-hearted. You should have
-risked a fit of tears from poor Mrs. Leigh--excuse me for saying so
-now--and sent her away.”
-
-“I tried it a dozen times. Poor Amy would have broken her heart. She
-threatened even to go with her. And they say women don’t make
-friendships with each other!”
-
-Fairfield shrugged his shoulders a little. “I suffer myself from my
-wife’s friends,” he said; “there’s always some ‘dear Clara’ or other
-putting the table out of joint, making me search heaven and earth when
-there’s anybody to dinner to find an odd man. But Mary has some----”
-Sense, he was going to say, but stopped short. Mrs. Fairfield was one of
-those who had concluded long ago that dear Amy was a little goose, taken
-sad advantage of by her persistent friend.
-
-“Fairfield,” said Aubrey, “you could do me a great service if you would.
-Colonel Kingsward has just told me that he can’t send out a royal
-commission to examine my friends on this subject. You see him sometimes,
-I suppose. I know you belong to one of his clubs. Still more, he’s at
-his office all the morning, and you know him well enough to look in upon
-him there.”
-
-“Well?” said Fairfield, dubiously.
-
-“Couldn’t you stretch a point for my sake, and go--and tell him the real
-state of affairs in respect to Miss Lance, and how untrue it is, how
-ridiculously untrue, that she was kept at Forest-leigh by any will of
-mine? Why, it was a thing, as you have just said, that all the county
-knew! An infatuation--and nothing less than the bane of my whole
-married life.”
-
-“Yes, I know--everybody thought so,” Mr. Fairfield said. That new
-idea--was it perhaps germinating faintly in his mind?--no one had
-thought of any other explanation, but yet----”
-
-“If you were only to say so--only as much as that--that all my friends
-recognised the state of the case.”
-
-“I could say that,” said Fairfield, with hesitation. “Don’t think me
-unfriendly, Aubrey, but it’s a little awkward for a man to interfere in
-another man’s affairs, and it’s not only your affairs that I know so
-well, but you see Kingsward’s too----”
-
-“I am aware of that, Fairfield; still, to break off what I believe in my
-heart would be for his daughter’s happiness too----”
-
-“To be sure there’s the young lady to be taken into consideration,” said
-Fairfield, dubiously.
-
-It will be as well to carry this incident to its completion at once. Mr.
-Fairfield at the last allowed himself to be convinced, and he went that
-afternoon to the club, to which he still belonged by some early
-military experiences, and where Colonel Kingsward was one of those who
-ruled supreme. He knew exactly when to find him at the club, where he
-strolled in after leaving his office, to refresh himself with a cup of
-tea, or something else in its place. The intercessor went up to the
-table at which the Colonel sat with the evening paper, and conversed for
-a little on the topics of the day. After these had been run over, and
-the prospects of war slightly discussed--for Colonel Kingsward had not
-much respect for Mr. Fairfield’s opinion on that subject--the latter
-gentleman said abruptly--
-
-“I say, Kingsward, I am very sorry to hear there is some hitch in the
-marriage which I was so glad to hear of last week.”
-
-“Ah, oh! So Leigh has been with you, I presume?” the Colonel replied.
-
-“Yes; and, upon my life, Colonel, there is not a word of truth in any
-talk you may have heard about that Miss Lance----. We all know quite
-well the whole business. You should hear Mary on the subject. Of course,
-he can’t say to you, poor fellow, that his first wife was a little
-queer, and that that woman made her her slave.”
-
-“No; it wasn’t to be expected that he would tell me that.”
-
-“But it’s true. She got completely the upper hand of that poor little
-thing. The husband had no influence. I believe he hated her--like the
-devil.”
-
-“You think so,” said the Colonel, with a strange smile, “yet it is a
-curious thing that he endured her all the same, and also that a wife
-should insist so in keeping another woman in her husband’s constant
-company--and an attractive woman, as I hear.”
-
-“Oh! a devil of a woman,” cried Fairfield. “I was telling Aubrey I
-should no more have ventured to expose myself to her blandishments----.
-One of those sort of women, you know, that you cannot abide, yet who can
-turn you round their little finger.”
-
-“And what did he say to that?” the Colonel asked, still with that smile.
-
-“Oh, he said she never had any charm for him--and I believe it--for what
-with poor little Mrs. Leigh’s whims and vagaries, and the other’s
-flatteries and adulation and complete empire over her, his life was
-made a burden to him. You should hear Mary on that subject--none of the
-ladies could keep their patience.”
-
-“Yet it appears Mr. Aubrey Leigh kept his---- until he got tired,” said
-the Colonel. “Believe me, Fairfield, when there is such an unnatural
-situation as that, there must be more in it than meets the eye.”
-
-Fairfield, a good, steady soul, who generally had his ideas suggested to
-him, went away very serious from that interview. It was very strange
-indeed that a woman should prefer her friend to her husband, and make
-things wretched for him in order to keep her comfortable--it was very
-curious that with a woman so much superior to Amy in the house, a woman
-of the kind that turn men’s heads, that mild Aubrey Leigh, who was not
-distinguished for force of character, should have never sought a
-moment’s relief with her from poor Mrs. Leigh’s querulousness. Fairfield
-accelerated his departure by an hour or two in order not to meet Aubrey
-again before he had poured those strange doubts and suggestions into his
-own Mary’s ears.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XI.
-
-
-The party of travellers whose progress had hitherto been like that of a
-party of pleasure, who had been interested in everything they saw, and
-hailed every new place with delight, as if that had been the haven of
-all their hopes, travelled home from Cologne in a very different spirit.
-For one thing, it could not be concealed that Mrs. Kingsward was ill,
-which was a thing that she herself and the whole family stoutly, one
-standing by another, had hitherto been able to deny. She had not gone
-far, not an hour’s journey, when she had to abandon her seat by the
-window--where it had always been her delight to “see the country,” and
-point out every village to her children--and lie down upon the temporary
-couch which Moulsey prepared for her with shawls and cushions along one
-side of the carriage. She cried out against herself as “self-indulgent”
-and “lazy,” but she did not resist this arrangement. It effectually took
-any pleasure that there might have been out of the journey: for Bee, as
-may be supposed, though she was not melancholy, and would not admit,
-even to Betty, in the closest confidence, that she was at all afraid of
-the ultimate issue, was certainly self-absorbed, and glad not to be
-called upon to notice the scenery, but allowed to subside into a corner
-with her own thoughts. Charlie was in the opposite corner, exceedingly
-glum, and not conversible. Bee would not speak to him or look at him,
-and even Betty, that little thing, had said, “Oh, Charlie, how could you
-be so nasty to Aubrey?” for her sole salutation that morning. He was not
-sure even that his mother, though he had stood on her side and backed
-her up, was pleased with him for it. She talked to him, it is true,
-occasionally, and made him do little things for her, but rather in the
-way in which a mother singles out the pariah of the family, the one who
-is boycotted for some domestic offence, to show him that all are not
-against him, than in the tone which is used to a champion and defender.
-So it was not wonderful that Charlie was glum; but to see him in one
-corner, biting or trying to bite the few hairs that he called his
-moustache, with his brows bent down to his chin, and his chin sunk in
-the collar of his coat--and Bee in another, very different--indeed, her
-face glorified with dreams, and her eyes full of latent light, ready to
-flash out at any moment--was not cheerful for the others.
-
-Mrs. Kingsward looked at them from one to another, and at little Betty
-between busied in a little book, with that baffled feeling which arises
-in the mind of a delicate woman when the strong individualities and
-wills of her children become first developed before her, after that time
-of their youth when all were guided by her decision, and mamma’s leave
-was asked for everything. How fierce, how self-willed, how determined in
-his opposition Charlie looked like his father, not to be moved by
-anything! And Bee, how possessed by those young hopes of her own, which
-the mother knew would be of no avail against the fiat gone forth against
-her! Mrs. Kingsward knew her husband better than her children did. She
-knew that having taken up his position he would not give in. And Bee,
-with all that light of resistance in her eyes--Bee as little willing to
-give in as he! The invalid trembled when she thought of the clash of
-arms that would resound over her head--of the struggle which would rend
-her cheerful house in two. She did not at all realise that the cheerful
-days of that house were numbered--that soon it would be reduced into its
-elements, as a somewhat clamorous, restless, too energetic brood of
-children, with a father very self-willed, who hitherto had known nothing
-of them but as happy and obedient creatures, whose individual
-determinations concerned games and lessons, and who, so far as the
-conduct of life was affected, were of no particular account. Mrs.
-Kingsward was not yet aware that this was the dolorous prospect before
-her household; she only thought, “How am I to manage them all?” and felt
-her heart fail before Charlie’s ill humour and _parti pris_, and before
-the bright defiance in Bee’s eyes. Poor Aubrey, whom she had learned to
-look upon as one of her own, half a son, and half a brother--poor
-Aubrey, who had gone so wrong, and yet had so many excuses for him, a
-victim rather than a seducer--what was happening to Aubrey this fine
-September morning? It made her heart sick in her bosom as she thought of
-all these newly-raised conflicting powers, and she so little able to
-cope with them. If she did not get strong soon, what would all these
-children do? Charlie would go back to college, and would be out of it.
-He had so strong a will, and was so determined to get on, that little
-harm would happen to him--and besides, he was entirely in accord with
-his father, which was a great matter. But Bee--Bee! It seemed to Mrs.
-Kingsward that it was on the cards that Bee might take matters into her
-own hands, and run away with her lover, if her father would not yield.
-What else was there for these young creatures? Mrs. Kingsward knew that
-she herself would have done so in the circumstances had _her_ lover
-insisted; and she knew that he would no more have consented to such a
-sentence--never, never!--than he had done to anything he disliked all
-his life. And Bee was like him, though she had never hitherto been
-anything but an obedient child. Mrs. Kingsward could not help picturing
-to herself, as she lay there, the elopement--Bee’s room found empty in
-the morning, the note left on the table, the so easy, so certain
-explanation, which already she felt herself to be reading. And then her
-husband’s wrath, his unalterable verdict on the criminal “never to enter
-this house again!” Poor mother! She foresaw, as we all do, tortures for
-herself, which she was never to be called upon to bear.
-
-As for Betty, it was the most tiresome journey in all her little
-experiences. A long journey was generally fun to Betty. The scuffle of
-getting away, of seeing that all the little packets were right, of
-abusing Moulsey for hiding away the luncheon basket under the rugs and
-the books in some locked bag, the trouble of securing a compartment,
-arranging umbrellas and other things in the vacant seats to make believe
-that every place was full, the watch at every station to prevent the
-intrusion of strangers, the running from one side to another to see the
-pretty village or old castle, or the funny people at the country
-stations and the queer names--the luncheon in the middle of the day,
-which was as good as a pic-nic--all these things much diverted Betty,
-who loved the rapid movement through the air, and to feel the wind on
-her face; but none of these delights were to be had to-day. She was in
-one of the middle places, between Charlie, so glum and in a temper, and
-Bee, lost in her own thoughts and without a word to say, and opposite to
-mamma, who was so much more serious than usual, giving little Betty a
-smile from time to time, but not able to speak loud enough to be heard
-through the din of the train. She tried to read her book but it was not
-a very interesting book, and it was short too, and evidently would not
-last out half the journey. Betty was the only member of the party who
-had a free mind. The commotion of the romance between Bee and Aubrey had
-been pure amusement to her. It would be a bore if it did not end in a
-speedy marriage, with all the excitement of the presents, the
-trousseau, the dresses (especially the bridesmaids’ dresses), the
-wedding day itself, the increased dignity of Betty as Miss Kingsward,
-the pleasure of talking of “my married sister,” the pleasure of visiting
-Bee, in her own house, and sharing all her grandeur as a county lady. To
-miss all this would be a real trial, but Betty had confidence in the
-fitness of things, and felt it was impossible that she should miss all
-this. And she was at ease in her little mind, and the present dreariness
-of this unamusing, unattractive journey hung all the more heavy upon her
-consciousness now.
-
-They arrived next day, having slept at Brussels to break the journey for
-Mrs. Kingsward, and the Colonel met them, as in duty bound, at Victoria.
-He gave Charlie his hand, and allowed Bee and Betty to kiss him, but his
-whole attention, as was natural, was for his wife.
-
-“You look dreadfully tired,” he said, with that half-tone of offence in
-which a man shows his disappointment at the aspect of an invalid. “You
-must have been worried on the journey to look so tired.”
-
-“Oh, no, I have not been at all worried on the journey--they have all
-been so good, sparing me every fatigue; but it is a tiresome long way,
-Edward, you know.”
-
-“Yes, of course, I know: but I never saw you look so tired before.” He
-cast a reproachful look round upon the young people, who were all ready
-to stand on the defensive. “You must have bothered your mother to
-death,” he said. “I am sorry I did not come out for her myself--undoing
-all the effect of her cure.”
-
-“Oh, you will see, I shall be all right when I get home,” Mrs. Kingsward
-said, cheerfully. “As for the children, Edward, they have all been as
-good as gold.”
-
-“You had better see to the luggage and bring your sisters home in a cab.
-I can’t let mamma hang about here,” said the Colonel, in his peremptory
-way. “Moulsey will come with us. I suppose you three have brains enough
-to manage by yourselves?”
-
-Thus insulting his grown-up children, among whom a flame of indignation
-lighted up, partially burning away their difficulties between
-themselves, Colonel Kingsward half carried his wife to the carriage. “I
-thought at first I should have waited at Kingswarden till you came back.
-I am glad I changed my mind and came back to Harley Street,” he said.
-
-“Oh, is it to Harley Street we are going?” said Mrs. Kingsward, faintly.
-“I had rather hoped for the country, Edward.”
-
-“You don’t look much like another twenty miles of a journey,” said her
-husband.
-
-“Well, perhaps not. I own I shall be glad to be quiet,” the poor lady
-said. What he wished had always turned out after a moment to be just
-what his wife wished for all the years of their union. She even meekly
-accepted the fact that the children--the nursery children, as they were
-called--the little ones, who were no trouble but only a refreshment and
-delight, would have been too much for her that first night. Secretly,
-she had been looking forward to the touch and sight of her placid
-smiling baby as the one thing that would do her good--and all those
-large wet kisses of Johnny and Tommy and Lucy and little Margaret, and
-the burst of delighted voices at the sight of mamma. “Yes, I believe it
-would have been too much for me,” she said, with a look aside at
-Moulsey, who, as on many a previous occasion, would dearly have loved to
-box her master’s ears. “And I _do_ believe it would have been too much
-for me,” Mrs. Kingsward added, when that confidential attendant put her
-to bed.
-
-“Perhaps it would, ma’am,” Moulsey said. “They would have made a noise,
-bless them--and baby will not go to anyone when he sees me--and
-altogether I shall be more fit for them, Moulsey, after a good night’s
-rest----”
-
-“If you get that, you poor dear,” said Moulsey, under her breath. But
-her mistress did not hear that remark any more than many others which
-Moulsey made in her own mind, always addressed to that mistress whom she
-loved. “If he said dying would be good for you, you would say you were
-sure of it, and that was what you wanted most,” the maid said within
-herself.
-
-It must not, however, be supposed from this that Colonel Kingsward was
-not a good husband. He had always been like a lover, though a somewhat
-peremptory one, to his wife. And without him her young, gay,
-pleasure-loving ways, her love of life and amusement might have made her
-a much less successful personage, and not the example of every virtue
-that she was. Had Mrs. Kingsward had the upper hand, the family would
-have been a very different family, and its career probably a very
-broken, tumultuous, happy-go-lucky career. It was that strong hand which
-had controlled and guided her, which had been, as people say, the making
-of Mrs. Kingsward; and though she feared his severity in the present
-crisis, she yet felt the most unspeakable relief from the baffled,
-helpless condition in which she had looked at her children, feeling
-herself all unable to cope with them in the presence of papa.
-
-“I wonder if he thinks we are cabbages,” was Bee’s indignant exclamation
-as he turned his back upon them.
-
-“Apparently,” said Charlie, coming a little out of his sullenness. “Look
-here, you girls, get into this omnibus--happily we’ve got an
-omnibus--with the little things, while I go to the Custom House to get
-the luggage through.”
-
-“Betty, you get in,” said Bee. “I will go with you, Charlie, for I have
-got mamma’s keys.”
-
-“Can’t you give them to me?” Charlie cast a gloomy look about, thinking
-that Leigh might perhaps be somewhere awaiting a word, a thought which
-now for the first time traversed Bee’s mind, too.
-
-“Then, Betty, you had better go with him, for he doesn’t know half the
-boxes,” she said.
-
-“Oh, you can come yourself if you like,” said Charlie, feeling in that
-case that this was the safest arrangement after all.
-
-“No, Betty had better go. Betty, you know Moulsey’s box and that new
-basket that mamma brought me before we left the Baths.”
-
-“Come along yourself, quick, Bee.”
-
-“No, I shall stop in the omnibus.”
-
-“When you have made up your minds,” cried Betty, who had slipped out of
-the vehicle at the first word. Betty thought it would be more fun to go
-through the Custom House than to wait all the time cooped up here.
-
-And Bee had her reward; for Aubrey was there, waiting at a distance
-till the matter was settled. “I should have risked everything and come,
-even if the penalty had been a quarrel with Charlie,” Aubrey said, “but
-I must not quarrel with anyone if I can help it. We shall have hard work
-enough without that.”
-
-“You have seen papa?”
-
-“Yes, I have seen him: but I have not done myself much good, I fear,”
-said Aubrey, shaking his head. “Bee, you won’t give me up whatever they
-may say?”
-
-“Give you up? Never, Aubrey, till you give me up!”
-
-“Then all is safe, my darling. However things look now they can’t hold
-out for ever. Lies must be found out, and then--in time--you will be
-able to act for yourself.”
-
-“Do you think papa will stand to it like that, Aubrey?”
-
-Aubrey shook his head. He did not make any reply.
-
-“Tell me. Is it a lie?” she said.
-
-He bent down his head upon her hand, kissing it.
-
-“Not all,” he said, in an almost inaudible voice. “ I said that--at
-Cologne----”
-
-“I did not understand,” said Bee. “No; it does not matter to me,
-Aubrey--not so very much; but if you promised----”
-
-“I never promised--never! My only thought was to escape----”
-
-“Then I can’t think what you have done wrong. Aubrey, is she tall, with
-dark hair, and beautiful dark eyes, and a way of looking at you as if
-she would look you through and through?”
-
-“Bee!” he said, gripping her fast, as if someone had been about to decoy
-her away.
-
-“And a mouth,” said Bee, “that is very pretty, but looks as if it were
-cut out of steel? Then, I have seen her. She sat down by me one day in
-the wood, when I was doing that sketch, and gave me such clever hints,
-telling me how to finish it, till she made me hate it, don’t you know.
-Is she horribly clever, and a good artist? and like that----”
-
-“Bee! What did that woman say to you?”
-
-“Nothing very much. Asked me about the people at the hotel, and if there
-were any Leighs--not you, she pretended, but the Leighs of Hurst-leigh,
-whom she knew. I thought it very strange at the time why she should ask
-about the Leighs without knowing anything--and then I forgot all about
-it. But to-day it came back to my mind, and I have been thinking of
-nothing else. Aubrey--she is older than you are?”
-
-“Yes,” he said.
-
-“And she made you promise to marry her?” said Bee, half unconscious yet
-half conscious of that wile of the cross-examiner, coming back to the
-point suddenly.
-
-“Never, Bee, never for one moment in my misery! That I should have to
-make such a confession to you!--but there was no promise nor thought of
-a promise. I desired nothing--nothing but to escape from her. You don’t
-doubt my word, Bee?”
-
-“No; I don’t doubt anything you say. But I think she is a dreadful woman
-to get anybody in her power, Aubrey. My little drawing was for you. It
-was the place we first met, and she told me how to do it and make it
-look so much better. I am not very clever at it, you know; and then I
-hated the very sight of it, and tore it in two. I don’t know why.”
-
-“I understand why. Bee, you will be faithful to me, whatever you are
-told?”
-
-“Till I die, Aubrey.”
-
-“And never, never believe that for a moment my heart will change from
-you.”
-
-“Not till I hear it from yourself,” she said, with a woeful smile. The
-despair in him communicated itself to her, who had not been despairing
-at all.
-
-“Which will never be--and when you are your own mistress, my
-darling----”
-
-“Oh, we shan’t have to wait for that!” she cried, with a burst of her
-native energy. “Dear Aubrey, they are coming back; you must go away.”
-
-“Till we meet again, darling?”
-
-“Till we meet again!”
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XII.
-
-
-Bee stole into her mother’s room as she went upstairs before that first
-dinner at home which used to be such a joyous meal. How they had all
-enjoyed it--until now. The ease and space, the going from room to room,
-the delight in finding everything with which they were familiar, the
-flowers in the vases (never were any such flowers as those at home!),
-the incursions of the little ones shouting to each other, “Mamma’s come
-home!” Even the little air of disorder which all these interruptions
-brought into the orderly house was delightful to the young people. They
-looked forward as to an ideal life, to beginning all their usual
-occupations again and doing them all better than ever. “Oh, how nice it
-is to be at home!” the girls had said to each other. Instead of those
-hotel rooms, which at their best are never more than hotel rooms, a
-_genre_ not to be mistaken, how delightful was the drawing-room at home,
-with all its corners--Bee’s little table where she muddled at her
-drawings, mamma’s great basket of needlework where everything could be
-thrown under charitable cover, Betty’s stool on which she sat at the
-feet of her oracle of the moment, whoever that might be, and all the
-little duties to be resumed--the evening papers arranged for papa (as if
-he had not seen enough of them in the daytime in his office!), the
-flowers to see after, the little notes to write, all the pleasant
-common-places of the home life. But to-night, for the first time, dinner
-was a silent meal, hurried over--not much better than a dinner at a
-railway station, with a sensation in it of being still on the road, of
-not having yet reached their destination. The drawing-room was in brown
-holland still, for they were all going on to Kingswarden to-morrow. The
-house felt formal, uninhabited, as if they had come home to lodgings.
-All this was bad enough; but the primary trouble of all was the fact
-that mamma was upstairs--gone to bed before dinner, too tired to sit up.
-Such a thing had never happened before. However tired she was, she had
-always so brightened up at the sensation of coming home.
-
-And papa, though kind, was very grave. The happiness of getting his
-family back did not show in his face and all his actions as it generally
-did. Colonel Kingsward was very kind as a father, and very tender as a
-husband; the severity of his character showed little at home. His wife
-was aware of it, and so were the servants, and Charlie, I think, had
-begun to suspect what a hand of iron was covered by that velvet glove.
-But the girls had never had any occasion to fear their father. Bee
-thought that the additional gravity of his behaviour was owing to
-herself and her introduction of a new individual interest into the
-family; so that, notwithstanding a touch of indignation, with which she
-felt the difference, she was timid and not without a sense of guilt
-before her father. Never had she been rebellious or disobedient before;
-and she was both now, determined not to submit. This made her
-self-conscious and rather silent; she who was always overflowing with
-talk and fun and the story of their travels. Colonel Kingsward did not
-ask many questions about that. What he did ask was all about “your
-mother.”
-
-“She is not looking so well as when she went away,” he said.
-
-“Oh, papa, it’s only because she’s so tired,” cried little Betty. Betty
-taking upon her to answer papa, to take the responsibility upon her
-little shoulders! But Bee felt as if she could not say anything.
-
-“Do you really think so?” he said, turning to that confident little
-speaker--to Betty. As if Betty could know anything about it! But Bee
-seemed paralysed and could not speak.
-
-She stole, as I have said, into her mother’s room on her way upstairs,
-but she had hardly time to say a word when papa came in to see if Mrs.
-Kingsward had eaten anything, and how she felt now that she was
-comfortably established in her own bed. It irritated Bee to feel herself
-thus deprived of the one little bit of possible expansion, and stirred
-her spirit. With her cheek to her mother’s, she said in her ear, “Mamma,
-I saw Aubrey at the station,” with a thrill of pleasure and defiance in
-saying that, though secretly, in her father’s presence.
-
-“Oh, Bee!” said Mrs. Kingsward, with a faint cry of alarm.
-
-“And he told me,” continued Bee, breathless in her whisper, “that papa
-was firm against us.”
-
-“Bee! Bee!”
-
-“And we promised each other we should never, never give up, whatever
-anyone might say.”
-
-“Oh, child, how dare you, how dare you?” Mrs. Kingsward said.
-
-How Bee’s heart beat! What an enlivening, inspiriting strain of
-opposition came into her mind, making her cheeks glow and her eyes
-flame! The whisper was, perhaps, a child’s device, perhaps a woman’s
-weakness, but it exhilarated her beyond description to say all this in
-the very presence of her father. There was a sensation of girlish
-mischief in it as well as defiance, which relieved all the heavier
-sentiments that had weighed down her heart.
-
-“What are you saying to your mother, Bee? She must not be disturbed. Run
-away and let her rest. If we are to go back to Kingswarden to-morrow she
-must get all the rest that is possible now.”
-
-“I was never the one to disturb mamma,” said Bee, bestowing another kiss
-on her mother’s cheek.
-
-“Oh, be a good child, Bee!” pleaded Mrs. Kingsward, almost without
-sound; for by this time the Colonel was hovering over the bed, with a
-touch of suspicion, wondering what was going on between these two.
-
-“Yes, mamma dear, always,” said Bee, aloud.
-
-“What is she promising, Lucy? And what were you saying to her? Bee
-should know better at her age than to disturb you with talk.”
-
-“Oh, nothing, Edward. She was only giving me a kiss, and I told her to
-be a good child--as I am always doing; thinking to be heard, you know,
-for so much speaking,” the mother said, with a soft laugh.
-
-“Bee has always been a sufficiently good child. I don’t think you need
-trouble yourself on that point. The thing is for you to get well, my
-dear, and keep an easy mind. Don’t trouble about anything; leave all
-that to me, and try and think a little about yourself.”
-
-“I always do, Edward,” she said with a smile.
-
-He shook his head, but agitation had brought a colour to her cheeks, and
-to persuade one’s-self that it is only fatigue that makes a beloved face
-look pale is so easy at first, before any grave alarm has been roused.
-Yet, Colonel Kingsward’s mind was not an easy one that night. He was _au
-fond_, a severe man, very rigid as to what he thought his duty, taking
-life seriously on the whole. His young wife, who loved pleasure, had
-made him far more a man of society than was natural or indeed pleasing
-to him; but he had thus got into that current which it is so difficult
-to get out of without a too stern withdrawal, and his large young family
-had warmed his heart and dressed his aspect in many smiles and graces
-which did not belong to him by nature. The mixture of the rigid and the
-yielding had produced nothing but good effects upon his character till
-now. But there is no telling what a man is till the first conflict of
-wills arises in his own household. Hitherto there had been nothing of
-the kind. His children had amused him and pleased him and made him
-proud. Their health, their prettiness, their infantile gaiety and
-delight in every favour accorded to them had been all so many tributes
-to his own supreme influence and power. Their very health was a standing
-compliment to his own health and vigour, from whom they took their
-excellent constitutions, and to the wonderful care and attention to
-every law of health which he enforced in his house. Not a drain escaped
-trapping, not a gas was left undisposed of where Colonel Kingsward was.
-He had every new suggestion in his nursery that sanitary science could
-bring up. “And look at the result!” he was in the habit of saying. Not a
-pale face, not a headache, not an invalid member there. And among the
-children he was as the sun in his splendour. Every delight rayed out
-from him. The hour of his coming home was watched for; it was the
-greatest treat for the little boys to go in the dogcart with Simmons,
-the groom, to fetch papa from the station, while the others assembled at
-the door as at a daily celebration to see him arrive. Charlie was now a
-man grown, but he was a good boy, full of all right impulses, and there
-had never been any difficulty with him.
-
-Thus Colonel Kingsward had been kept from all knowledge of those
-contrarieties of nature which appear even in the most favoured regions.
-He was of opinion that he surrounded his wife with every care, bore
-everything for her, did not suffer the winds of heaven to visit her
-cheek too roughly. And it was true. But he was not at all aware that she
-saved him anything, or that his joyful omnipotence and security from
-every fret and all opposition depended upon her more than on anything
-else in the world. He did not know the little inevitable jars which she
-smoothed away, the youthful wills growing into individuality which she
-kept in check. Which was a pity, for the strong man was thus deprived of
-the graces of precaution, and knew no more than the merest weakling
-what, as his children grow into men and women, every man has to face and
-provide against. If Colonel Kingsward was too arbitrary, too trenchant
-in his measures, too certain that there was no will but his own to be
-taken into account, the blame must thus be partially laid upon those
-natural fictions of boundless love and duty and sweet affectionate
-submission, which grow up in the nursery and reign as long as childhood
-lasts--until a more potent force of self or will or love, comes in to
-put the gentle dream to flight.
-
-It was thus that Colonel Kingsward considered the matter about Bee. It
-had been, of course, necessary to cross Bee two or three times in her
-life before. It had been necessary, or at least he had thought it
-necessary, to send her to school; it had been thought expedient to keep
-her back a year longer than she wished from appearing in the world.
-These decisions had cost tears and a little struggle, but in a few days
-Bee had forgotten all about them--or so, at least, her father thought.
-And a lover--at nineteen--what was that but another plaything, a
-novelty, a compliment, such as girls love? How could it mean anything
-more serious? Why, Bee was a child--a little girl, an ornamental adjunct
-to her mother, a sort of reflection, not to be detached for a long time
-from that source of all that was delightful in her. Colonel Kingsward
-had felt with a delighted surprise that the child and the mother did
-“throw up” each other when he began to go out with them together. Bee’s
-young beauty showing what mamma’s had been, and Mrs. Kingsward’s beauty
-(so much higher and sweeter than any girl’s wild-rose bloom could be)
-showing what in the after days her child would grow to. To cut these two
-asunder for a stranger--another man, an intruding personality thrusting
-himself between the child and her natural allegiance--was oppressive in
-any shape. At the first word, indeed, and in the amusement furnished him
-by the letters that had been poured upon him, Colonel Kingsward’s
-consent had been given almost without thought. Aubrey Leigh was a good
-match, he had a fine place, a valuable estate, and was well spoken of
-among men. If Lucy was so absurd as to wish her daughter to marry; if
-Bee, the silly child, was so foolish as to think of leaving her father’s
-house for another, that was probably as good a one as she could have
-chosen. I don’t know if fathers generally feel it a sort of desecration
-when their young daughters marry. Some fathers do, and some brothers, as
-if the creature pure by nature from all such thoughts were descending to
-a lower place, and becoming such an one as themselves. Colonel Kingsward
-was not, perhaps, visionary enough for such a view, yet he was slightly
-shocked in his sentiment about the perfection of his own house by this
-idea on his child’s part of leaving it for another. However, it was true
-he had a very large family, and to provide so well for one of them at
-the very outset of her career was a thing which was not to be despised.
-
-But when the second chapter of this romance, all so simple, so natural
-in its first phase, opened out, and there appeared a dark passage
-behind--a woman wronged who had a claim upon the man, a story, a
-scandal--whether it were true or untrue!--Colonel Kingsward, in his
-knowledge of the world, knew that it did not so much matter whether a
-story was true or untrue. It stuck, anyhow; and years, generations
-after, when, if false, it had been contradicted and exploded, and
-acknowledged to be false, people still would shake their heads and say,
-“Wasn’t there some story?” For this reason he was not very rigid about
-the facts, part of which, at least, the culprit admitted. There was a
-woman and there was a story, and all the explanations in the world could
-not do away with these. What did it matter about the man? He, Colonel
-Kingsward, was not Aubrey Leigh’s keeper. And as for Bee, there would be
-some tears, no doubt, as when she was sent to school--a little passion
-of disappointment, as when she was kept back for a whole year, from
-seventeen to eighteen, in her “coming out”--but the tears and the
-passion once over, things would go on the same as before. The little
-girl would go back to her place, and all would be well.
-
-This was the man’s delusion, and perhaps it was a natural one, and he
-was conscious of wishing to do the best thing for her, of saving her
-from the after tortures which a wife has to endure whose husband has
-proclivities towards strange women, and capabilities of being “led
-away.” That was a risk that he could understand much better than she
-could, at her age. The fellow might be proud of her, small blame to
-him--he might strive to escape from disgraceful entanglements by such an
-exceptionable connection as that of Colonel Kingsward, of Kingswarden,
-Harley Street, and the Intelligence Department; he might be very much in
-earnest and all that. He did not altogether blame the man; indeed, he
-was willing enough to allow that he was not a bad fellow, and that he
-was popular among his friends.
-
-But these were not enough in the case of a girl like Bee. And it was
-certainly for her good that her father was acting. She had known the man
-a month, what could he be to her in so short a time? This is the most
-natural of questions, constantly asked, and never finding any sufficient
-answer. Why should a girl in three or four weeks be so changed in all
-her thoughts as to be ready to give up her father’s house, the place in
-which she has all her associations, the company in which she has been
-so happy, and go away to the end of the world, perhaps with a man whom
-she has known only for a month? It is the commonest thing in the world,
-but also the most mysterious, and Colonel Kingsward refused to believe
-in it, as so many other fathers have done. Bee would cry, and her mother
-would console her. She would fly into a childish passion, and struggle
-against her fate--for a few days. She would swear that she would never,
-never give up that new plaything, and the joy of parading it before the
-other girls, who perhaps had not such toys to play with--but all that
-nonsense would give way in a little to firm guidance and considerate
-care, and the fresh course of amusement and pleasure which the winter
-would bring.
-
-The winter is by no means barren to those who spend it habitually in
-town. It has many distractions. There is the theatre, there are
-Christmas gatherings without number, there are new dresses also to be
-got for the same, perhaps a pretty new bonnet or two thrown in by a
-penitent father, very sorry even in his own interests to give his
-little girl pain. If all these pleasant things could not make up for the
-loss of a man--of doubtful character, too--whom she had only known for a
-month, Colonel Kingsward felt that it would be a strange thing indeed,
-and altogether beyond his power to explain.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XIII.
-
-
-It was not possible, however, to remove Mrs. Kingsward to Kingswarden
-next day. She was too much fatigued even to leave her bed, and the
-doctor who came to see her, her own familiar doctor who had sent her to
-Germany to the celebrated bath, looked a little grave when he saw the
-condition in which she had come home. “No fatigue, no excitement,” was
-what he enjoined. She was to have nothing to excite, nothing to disturb
-her--to go to the country? Oh, yes, but not for some days. To see the
-children? Certainly, the children could not be kept from their mother;
-but all in moderation, with great judgment, not too long at a time, not
-too often. And above all she must not be worried. Nothing must be done,
-nothing said to cross or vex her. When he heard from the Colonel a very
-brief and studiously subdued version of a little family business which
-had disturbed her--“I need not keep any secrets from you, doctor. The
-fact is that someone wanted to marry my girl Bee, and that I made some
-discoveries about him which obliged me to withdraw my consent.” The
-doctor formed his lips into a whistle, to which he did not give vent.
-“That accounts for it,” he said.
-
-“That accounts for--what?” cried Colonel Kingsward, not without
-irritation.
-
-“For the state in which I find her. And mind my words, Kingsward, you’d
-better let your girl marry anybody that isn’t a blackguard than risk
-that sort of shock with your wife. Never forget that her life---- I mean
-to say that she’s very delicate. Don’t let her be worried--stretch a
-point--have things done as she wishes. You will find it pay best in the
-end.”
-
-“For once you are talking nonsense, my dear fellow,” said Colonel
-Kingsward; “my wife is not a woman who has ever been set upon having her
-own way.”
-
-“Let her have it this time,” said the doctor, “and you’ll never repent
-it. If she wants Bee to marry, let her marry. Bee is a dear little
-thing, but her mother, Kingsward, her mother--is of far more consequence
-to you than even she--”
-
-“That is a matter of course,” said Colonel Kingsward. “Lucy is of more
-importance to me than all the world beside; but neither must I neglect
-the interests of my child.”
-
-“Oh, bother the child,” cried the doctor, “let her have her lover; the
-mother is what you must think of now.”
-
-“You seem tremendously in earnest, Southwood.”
-
-“So I am--tremendously in earnest. And don’t you work your mind on the
-subject, but do what I say.”
-
-“Do you mean to say that my wife is in a--state of danger?”
-
-“I mean that she must be kept from worry--she must not be
-contradicted--things must not be allowed to go contrary to her wishes.
-Poor little Bee! I don’t say you are to let her marry a blackguard. But
-don’t worry her mother about it--that is the chief thing I’ve got to
-say.”
-
-“No, I shan’t worry her mother about it,” said the Colonel, shutting his
-mouth closely as if he were locking it up. When Dr. Southwood was gone,
-however, he stopped the two girls who were lingering about to know the
-doctor’s opinion, and detaching Betty’s arm from about Bee’s waist drew
-his eldest daughter into his study and shut the door. “I want to speak
-to you, Bee,” he said.
-
-“Yes, papa.” In this call to her alone to receive some communication,
-Bee, as may be imagined, jumped to a conclusion quite different from
-what her father intended, and almost for the moment forgot mamma.
-
-“The doctor tells me that above everything your mother must be kept from
-worry. Do you understand? In the circumstances it is extremely important
-that you should know this.”
-
-“Papa,” she cried, half in indignation half in disappointment, “do you
-think that I would worry her--in any circumstances?”
-
-“I think that girls of your age often think that no affairs are so
-important as your own, and it is very likely that you may be of that
-opinion, and I wish you to know what the doctor says.”
-
-“Is mamma--very ill?” Bee asked, bewildered.
-
-“He does not say so--only that she is not to be fretted or contradicted,
-or disturbed about anything. I feel it necessary to warn you, Bee.”
-
-“Why me above the rest?” she cried. “Am I likely to be the one to worry
-mamma?”
-
-“The others have no particular affairs of their own to worry her with.
-There must be no private talks, no discussions, no endeavours to get her
-upon what you may suppose to be your side.”
-
-Bee gave her father a glance of fire, but she felt that a little
-prudence was necessary, and kept the tumult of feeling which was within
-her as much as possible in her own breast. “I have always talked to
-mamma of everything that was in my mind,” she said, piteously. “I don’t
-know how I am to stop. She would wonder so if I stopped talking; and how
-can I talk to her except of things that are in my mind?”
-
-“You must learn,” said the Colonel, “to think of her more than of
-yourself.” He did not at all mean to prescribe to her a course of
-conduct more elevated than that he meant to pursue himself, but then it
-was only in action that he meant to carry out his purposes, he was not
-afraid of committing himself in speech.
-
-Bee looked at him again with a gaze that asked a great many questions,
-but she only answered, “I will try my very best, papa.”
-
-“If you do, I am sure you will succeed, my dear,” he said, in a gentler
-tone.
-
-“Is that all?” she asked, hesitating.
-
-“That is all I want with you just now.”
-
-Bee turned away towards the door, and then she paused and made a step
-back.
-
-“Papa!”
-
-“Yes, Bee.”
-
-“Would you mind telling me--I will not say a word to her--but oh, please
-tell me--”
-
-“What is it?” said the Colonel. He went to his writing table, and
-sitting down began to turn over his papers. His tone was slightly
-impatient, his eyebrows slightly raised, as if in surprise.
-
-“Papa, you must know what it is. I know that you have seen--Mr. Leigh!”
-
-“How do you know anything about it? What have you to do with whom I have
-seen? Run away. I do not mean to enter into any explanations on this
-subject with you.”
-
-“Then with whom will you enter into explanations? You cannot speak to
-mamma; she must not be worried. Papa, I am not a little girl now, to be
-told to run away.”
-
-“You seem to be determined not to lose a moment in telling me so.”
-
-“I should not have told you so,” said Bee, looking at him over the high
-back of his writing-table, “if you had not told me I was not to talk to
-mamma.”
-
-He looked up at her, and their eyes met; both of them keenly, fiercely
-blue, lit up with fires of combat. It is often imagined that blue eyes
-are the softest eyes--but not by those who are acquainted with the kind
-which belonged to the Kingswards, which might have been called
-sapphires, if sapphires ever flash and cut the air as diamonds do. They
-were not either so dark as sapphires--they were like nothing but
-themselves, two pairs of blue eyes that might have been made to order,
-so like were they to each other, and both blazing across that table as
-if they would have set the house on fire.
-
-“That’s an excellent point,” he said. “I can’t deny it. What made you so
-terrifically clever all at once?”
-
-There is nothing more stinging than to be called clever in the midst of
-a discussion. Bee’s eyes seemed to set fire to her face, at least, which
-flashed crimson upon her father’s startled sight.
-
-“When one has someone else to think of, someone’s interests to take care
-of----”
-
-“Which are your own interests--and vastly more important than anything
-which concerns your father and mother.”
-
-“I never said so--nor thought so, papa--but if they are different from
-yours, that’s no reason,” said Bee, bold in words but faltering in
-manner, “is it, why I should not think of them, if, as you say, they’re
-my own interests, papa?”
-
-“You are very bold, Bee.”
-
-“What am I to do if I have no one to speak for me? Papa, Aubrey----”
-
-“I forbid you to speak with such familiarity of a man whom you have
-nothing to do with, and whom you scarcely know.”
-
-“Papa, Aubrey--” cried Bee, with astonishment.
-
-Colonel Kingsward jumped up from his table in a fury of impatience. “How
-dare you come and besiege me here in my own room with your Aubrey?--a
-man whom you have not known a month; a stranger to the family.”
-
-“Papa, you must let me speak. You allowed me to be engaged to him. If
-you had said ‘no’ at first, there might, perhaps, have been some reason
-in it.”
-
-“Perhaps--some reason!” he repeated, with an angry laugh.
-
-“Yes, for even then it was not your own happiness that was in question.
-It was I, after all, that was to marry him.”
-
-“And you think that is a reason for defying me?”
-
-“It is always said to be a reason--not for defying anybody--but for
-standing up for what you call my own interests, papa--when they are
-somebody else’s interests as well. You said we might be engaged--and we
-were. And how can I let anyone, even you, say he is a stranger? He is my
-_fiancé_. He is betrothed to me. We belong to each other. Whatever
-anyone may say, that is the fact,” cried Bee, very rapidly, to get it
-all out before she was interrupted.
-
-“It is not at all a cheerful or pleasant fact--if it changes my little
-Bee, whom I thought I knew, to this flushed and brazen woman, fighting
-for her----. Go, child, and don’t make an exhibition of yourself. Your
-mother’s daughter! It is not credible--to assault me, your father, in my
-own room, for the sake of----”
-
-“Papa! don’t you remember that it is said in the Bible you are not to
-provoke your children to wrath? Mamma would have stood up for you, I
-suppose, when she was engaged to you. I may be flushed,” cried Bee,
-putting her hands to her blazing cheeks, “how could I help it? Forced to
-talk to you, to ask you--on a subject that gives you a right to speak to
-me, your own child, like that----”
-
-“I am glad you think I have a right to speak as the circumstances demand
-to my own child,” said the Colonel, cooling down; “but why you should
-be forced, as you say, to take up such an unbecoming and unwomanly
-position is beyond my guessing.”
-
-“It is because I have no longer mamma to speak for me,” Bee said.
-
-The creature was not without skill. Now she came back to the point that
-was not to be gainsaid.
-
-“We have had quite enough of this,” Colonel Kingsward replied. “Your
-mother, as you are quite aware, never set up her will against mine. She
-was aware, if you are not, that I knew the world better than she did,
-and was more competent to decide. Your mother would never have stood up
-to me as you have done.”
-
-“It would have been better, perhaps, sometimes, if she had,” cried Bee,
-carried away by the tide of her excitement. Colonel Kingsward was so
-astounded that he had scarcely power to be angry. He gazed at his
-excited child with a surprise that was beyond words.
-
-“Oh, papa, papa! Forgive me! I never meant that; it came out before I
-was aware.”
-
-“The thought must have been there or it could not have come out,” he
-said.
-
-“Oh, no; there was no thought there. It may be so with you, but not with
-us, papa. Words come into our mouths. We don’t think them; we don’t mean
-to say--they only seem to--hook on to--something that went before; and
-then they come out with a crash. Oh, forgive me, forgive me, papa!”
-
-“I suppose,” he said, with a half laugh, “that may be taken as a woman’s
-exposition of her own style of argument.”
-
-“Don’t call me a woman,” she said, with her soft small voice, aggrieved
-and wounded, drawing closer to him. “Oh, papa! I am only your little
-girl after all.”
-
-“A naughty little girl,” he said, shaking his head.
-
-“And without mamma to speak for me,” added Bee.
-
-The Colonel laughed aloud. “You wily little natural lawyer!” he said;
-but immediately became very grave, for underneath this burst of half
-angry amusement Bee had given him a shock she did not know of. All
-unaware of the edge of the weapons which she used with a certain
-instinctive deftness, it did not occur to her that these words of hers
-might penetrate not only deeper than she thought, but far deeper than
-her own thoughts had ever gone. His wife’s worn face seemed suddenly to
-appear before Colonel Kingsward’s eyes in a light which he had never
-seen before, and the argument which this child used so keenly, yet so
-ignorantly, pierced him like a knife. “Without mamma to speak for me!”
-These words sounded very simple to Bee, a mischievous expedient to trap
-him in the snare he had laid for her. But if the time should ever come
-when they should be true! The Colonel was struck down by that arrow
-flown at a venture. He went back to his table subdued, and sat down
-there. “That will do,” he said, “that will do. Now run away and leave me
-to my work, Bee.”
-
-She came up to him and gave him a timid kiss, which the Colonel accepted
-quietly in the softening of that thought. She roamed about the table a
-little, flicking off an imperceptible speck of dust with her
-handkerchief, arranging some books upon the upper shelf of his bureau,
-sometimes looking at him over that row of books, sometimes lingering
-behind him as if doing something there. He did not interfere with her
-movements for a few minutes, in the _attendrissement_ of his thoughts.
-Without a mother to speak for her! Poor little girl, if that should ever
-be so! Poor little children unconscious in their nursery crying for
-mamma; and, oh, worse than all, himself without his Lucy, who had made
-all the world sweet to him! He was a masterfull man, who would stand to
-his arms in any circumstances, who would not give in even if his heart
-was broken; but what a strange, dull, gloomy world it would be to him if
-the children had no mother to speak for them! He made a sudden effort to
-shake off that thought, and the first thing that recalled him to himself
-was to hear Bee, having no other mischief, he supposed, to turn her hand
-to, heaping coals upon the little bit of fire which had been lighted for
-cheerfulness only.
-
-“Bee,” he cried, “are you still there? What are you doing? The room is
-like an oven already, and you are making up a sort of Christmas fire.”
-
-“Oh, I am so sorry--I forgot,” cried Bee, putting down the shovel
-hastily. “I thought it wanted mending--for you always like a good fire.”
-
-“Not in September,” he said, “and such weather; the finest we have had
-since July. Come, cease this fluttering about--you disturb me--and I
-have a hundred things to do.”
-
-“Yes, papa.” Bee’s little figure stole from behind him in the meekest
-way. She stopped in her progress towards the door to give a touch to the
-flowers on a side table; and then she went slowly on, going out. She had
-got her hand upon the handle of the door, and Colonel Kingsward thanked
-heaven he had got rid of her for the moment, when she turned round,
-eyeing him closely again though keeping by that means of escape. “Papa,”
-she said, softly, “after all the talk we have been having--you perhaps
-don’t remember that--you have never--answered my question yet.”
-
-“What question?” he said sharply.
-
-Bee put her hands together like a child, she looked at him beseechingly,
-coaxingly, like that child returning to its point, and then she said
-still more softly, “About Aubrey, dear papa!”
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XIV.
-
-
-I will not attempt to follow in detail the course of that autumn. It was
-a fine season, and Mrs. Kingsward was taken to her home in the country
-and recovered much of her lost health in the serene ending of the month
-and the bright days of October, which was a model October--everything
-that month ought to be. The trees had scarcely begun to take any
-autumnal colouring upon them when they reached Kingswarden--a house
-which stood among the Surrey hills; an old house placed not as modern
-houses are, pitched upon hillsides, or at points where there is “a
-view.” The old Kingswards had been moved by no such ridiculous modern
-sentiments. They had planted their mansion in a sheltered spot, where it
-would be safe from the winds that range over the country and all the
-moorland heights. The gates opened upon a wild country road with an
-extravagant breadth of green pathway and grassy bank on either
-side--enough to have made a farmer swear, but very pleasant to the eye
-and delightful to a horse’s feet, as well as to the pedestrians, whether
-they were tramps or tourists, who walked or rode on bicycles--the latter
-class only--from London to Portsmouth. The house was old, red, and
-straggling, covered with multitudes of creepers. Sheets of purple
-clematis--the Jackmanni, if anybody wishes to know; intolerable name for
-such a royal garment of blossom--covered half-a-dozen corners, hanging
-down in great brilliant wreaths over old ivy and straggling Virginia
-creeper and the strong stalks of the climbing roses, which still bore
-here and there a flower. Other sheets of other flowers threw themselves
-about in other places as if at their own sweet will, especially the wild
-exuberance of the Traveller’s Joy; though I need not say that this
-wildness was under the careful eye of the gardener, who would not let it
-go too far. I cannot attempt to tell how many other pleasant and
-fragrant and flowery things there were which insisted on growing in that
-luxurious place, even to the fastidious Highland creeper, which in that
-autumn season was the most gay, luxuriant, and delightful of all. The
-flowers abounded like the children, not to be checked, as healthy and as
-brilliant, in the fine, peaty soil and pure air. The scent of the
-mignonette, which in this late season straggled anywhere, seemed to fill
-half the country round. The borders were crowned with those autumn
-flowers which make up as well as they can for their want of sweetness by
-lavish wealth of colour--the glowing single dahlias, which this
-generation has had the good sense to re-capture from Nature after the
-quilled and rosetted artificial things which the gardeners had
-manufactured out of them, and the fine scarlet and blue of the salvias,
-and the glory of all those golden tribes of the daisy kind that now make
-our borders bright, instead of the old sturdy red geranium, which once
-sufficed for all the supplies of autumn, an honest servant but a poor
-lord. I prefer the sweetness of the Spring, when every flower has a soul
-in it, and breathes it all about in the air, that is full of hope. But
-as it cannot always be Spring, that triumph of bright hues is something
-to mask the face of winter with until the time when the tortured and
-fantastic chrysanthemum reigns alone.
-
-This was the sort of garden they had at Kingswarden; not shut off in a
-place by itself, but bordering all the lawns, which were of the velvet
-it takes centuries to perfect. The immediate grounds sloped a little to
-the south, and beyond them was a very extensive, if somewhat flat,
-prospect, ending on the horizon in certain mild blue shadows which were
-believed to be hills. There was not much that could be called a park at
-Kingswarden. The few farms which Colonel Kingsward possessed pressed his
-little circle of trees rather close; but as long as the farms were let
-the family felt they could bear this. It gave them a comfortable feeling
-of modest natural wealth and company; the yeomen keeping the squire
-warm, they in their farmsteadings, he in the hall.
-
-And the autumn went on in its natural course, gaining colour as it began
-to lose its greenness and the days their warmth. The fruit got all
-gathered in after the corn, the apple trees that had been such a sight,
-every bough bent down with its balls of russet or gold, looked shabby
-and worn, their season done, the hedges ran over with their harvest,
-every kind of wild berry and feathery seedpod, wild elderberries, hips
-and haws, the dangerous unwholesome fruit of the nightshade, the
-triumphant wreaths of bryony of every colour, green, crimson, and
-purple. The robins began to appear about Kingswarden, hopping about the
-lawns, and coming very near the dining-room windows after breakfast,
-when the little tribe of the nursery children had their accustomed
-half-hour with mamma, and delighted in nothing so much as to crumble the
-bread upon the terrace and tempt the redbreasts nearer and nearer. When,
-quite satisfied and comforted about his wife’s looks, Colonel Kingsward
-went off to the shooting, this little flock of children trailed after
-mamma wherever she went, a little blooming troop. By this time Charlie
-had gone back to Oxford, and the little ones liked to have the run of
-the lawns outside and the sitting rooms within, with nothing more
-alarming than Betty to keep them in order. It is to be feared that the
-relaxation of discipline which occurred when papa was absent was
-delightful to all those little people, and neither was Mrs. Kingsward
-sorry now and then to feel herself at full ease--with no necessity
-anywhere of further restraint than her own softened perceptions of
-family decorum required. It was a moment in which, if that could be
-said, she was self-indulgent--sometimes not getting up at her usual
-hour, but taking her breakfast in her room, with clusters of little boys
-and girls all over her bed, and over the carpet, sharing every morsel,
-climbing over her in their play. And when she went out to drive she had
-the carriage full of them; and when she took her stroll about the
-grounds they were all about, shouting and racing, nobody suggesting that
-it would be “too much for her,” or sending them off because they
-disturbed mamma. She was disturbed to her heart’s content while the
-Colonel was away. She said, “You know this is very nice for a time, but
-it would not do always,” to her elder daughter: but I think that she saw
-no necessity, except in the return of her husband, why it should not
-do, and she enjoyed herself singing to them, dancing (a very little)
-with them, playing for them as only the mother of a large family ever
-can play, that simple dance music which is punctuated and kept in
-perfect time by her heart as much as by her ear. For myself, I know the
-very touch upon the piano of a woman who is the orchestra of the
-children, who makes their little feet twinkle to the music. There is no
-band equal to it for harmony, and precision, and go. They enjoyed the
-freedom of having no one to say, “Hush, don’t make such a noise in the
-house,” of the absence of all the disturbable people, “the gentlemen,”
-as the servants plainly said, “being away” more, Mrs. Kingsward
-sometimes thought, with a faint twinge of conscience, than it was right
-they should enjoy anything in the absence of papa. Charlie was quite as
-bad as papa, and declared that they made his head ache, and that no
-fellow could work with such a row going on; it made the little carnival
-all the more joyous that he was out of the way.
-
-Bee had spent the six weeks since their return in a sort of splendour of
-girlish superiority and elation, of which her mother had not been
-unobservant, though nothing had been said between them. I am not sure
-that Bee did not enjoy the situation more than if Aubrey had been at
-Kingswarden wooing her all day long, playing tennis with her, riding
-with her--in every way appearing as her accepted lover. Circumstances
-had saved her from this mere vulgarity of beatitude, and she felt that
-in the very uncertainty of their correspondence, which was
-private--almost secret, and yet not clandestine--there was a wonderful
-charm, a romance and tinge of the unhappy and desperate, while yet
-everything within herself was happy and triumphant. It had never been
-said, neither by the Colonel nor by his wife (who had said nothing at
-all), that Bee was not to write letters to Aubrey nor to receive letters
-from him. I cannot imagine how Colonel Kingsward, in bidding her
-understand that all was over between Aubrey and herself, did not make a
-condition of this. But probably he thought her too young and simple to
-maintain any such correspondence, and her lover too little determined,
-too persuadeable, to begin it. When Bee had received her lover’s first
-letter it had been under her father’s very eyes. It had come at
-breakfast between two girl-epistles, and Colonel Kingsward would not
-have been guilty of the pettiness of looking at his daughter’s
-correspondence for any inducement yet before him. She had the tremendous
-thrill and excitement of reading it in his very sight, which she did not
-hesitate to do, for the sake of the bravado, feeling her ears tingle and
-the blood coursing in her veins, never imagining that he would not
-observe, and setting her young slight strength like a rock in momentary
-expectation of a question on the subject. But no question came. Colonel
-Kingsward was looking at the papers, and at the few letters which came
-to him at his house. The greater part of his correspondence went to the
-office. He took it very quietly, and he never remarked Bee at all, which
-was little less than a miracle, she thought. And it was very well for
-her that this was one of the mornings on which mamma did not come
-downstairs.
-
-This immense excitement was a little too strong for ordinary use, and
-Bee so arranged it afterwards that her letters came by a later post,
-when she could read them by herself in her room. The servants knew
-perfectly well of this arrangement--the butler who opened the post bag
-at Kingswarden, and the maid who carried Miss Bee’s letters
-upstairs--but neither father nor mother thought of it. That is, I will
-not answer for Mrs. Kingsward. She perhaps had her suspicions; but, if
-her husband did not forbid correspondence, she said to herself that it
-was not her business to do so. It seemed to her that nothing else could
-keep Bee so bright. Her disappointment, the shock of the severance, must
-have affected her otherwise than appeared if she had not been buoyed up
-by some such expedient. As for the Colonel, he thought nothing about it.
-He thought that, as for love, properly so called, the thing was
-preposterous for a girl of her years, and that the foolish business had
-been all made up of imaginative novelty, and the charm of the position,
-which had flattered and dazzled the girl. Now that she had returned to
-all her old associations and occupations, the pretty bubble had floated
-away into the air. It had not been necessary even to burst it--it had
-dispersed of itself, as he said to himself he always knew it would. Thus
-he deceived himself with the easiest mind and did not interfere.
-
-Mrs. Kingsward had come upon her daughter seated out on the lawn under
-the great walnut tree, reading one of these letters, one morning when
-she had gone out earlier than usual, on an exceptionally fine day. Bee
-had thrust it away hastily into her pocket and came forward with burning
-cheeks when she heard her mother’s voice--but it was not till some time
-later that Mrs. Kingsward spoke. The day had kept up its morning
-promise. It was one of those warm days that sometimes come in October,
-breathing the very spirit of that contented season, when all things have
-come to fruition and the work of the year is done, and its produce
-garnered into the barns. Now we may sit and rest, is the sentiment of
-the much toiling earth--all the labour being over, the harvest done,
-and no immediate need yet to rise again and plough. The world hangs
-softly swaying in space, the fields are fallow, the labourer rests. The
-sunshine lay warm upon the velvet grass, the foliage, thinned by one
-good blast a week ago, gave just shade enough, not too much; the
-tea-table was set out upon the lawn--the little horde had gone off
-shouting and skirmishing through the grounds, Betty at the head of them,
-supposed captain and controller, virtually ringleader, which comes to
-much the same thing. The air so hushed and silent in itself, half drowsy
-with profound peace, was just touched and made musical by their shouts,
-and Bee and her mother, with this triumphant sound of a multitude close
-by, were alone.
-
-“Bee,” Mrs. Kingsward said, “I have long wanted an opportunity to speak
-to you.”
-
-“Yes, mamma,” she said, looking up with a rush of blood to her heart,
-feeling that the moment had come. But she would not have been Bee if she
-had not put a little something of her own into the thick of the crisis.
-“There were plenty of opportunities--we have been together all day.”
-
-“You know what I mean,” said Mrs. Kingsward. “Bee, I saw you reading a
-letter this morning.”
-
-“Yes, mamma.”
-
-“Who was it from?”
-
-Bee looked her mother in the face. “I have never made any secret of it,”
-she said. “I have read them openly before papa--I never would pretend
-they were anything different. Of course it was from Aubrey, mamma.”
-
-“Oh, Bee!” said her mother. “You have never told me what your father
-said to you that morning. He told me that it was all over and done
-with--that he would never listen to another word on the subject.”
-
-“That was what he told me.”
-
-“Oh, Bee, Bee! and yet----”
-
-“Stop a moment, mamma! He never said I was not to write; he never said
-there was to be no correspondence. Had he said so, I should have, at
-least, considered what it was best to do.”
-
-“Considered what was best! But you were not the judge. I hope you would
-have obeyed your father, Bee.”
-
-“I cannot say, mamma. You must remember that it is my case and not his.
-I don’t know what I should have done. But it was not necessary, for he
-said nothing about it.”
-
-“Bee, my dear child, he may have said nothing; but you know very well
-that when he said it was entirely broken off he meant what he said.”
-
-“Papa is very capable of saying what he means,” said Bee. “I did not
-think it was any business of mine to inquire what might be his secret
-meaning. Mamma, dear, don’t be vexed; but, oh, that would have been too
-hard! And for Aubrey, too.”
-
-“I think much less of Aubrey that he should carry on a clandestine
-correspondence with a girl like you.”
-
-“Clandestine!” cried Bee, with blazing eyes. “No more clandestine than
-your letters that come by the post with your own name upon them. If
-Aubrey did not scorn anything that is clandestine, I should. There is
-nothing like that between him and me.”
-
-“I never supposed you would be guilty of any artifice, Bee; but you are
-going completely against your father--making a fool of him,
-indeed--making it all ridiculous--when you carry on a correspondence, as
-if you were engaged, after he has broken everything off.”
-
-“I am engaged,” said Bee, very low.
-
-“What do you say? Bee, this is out of the question. I shall have to tell
-your father when he comes back. “Oh! child, child, how you turn this
-delightful time into trouble. I shall be obliged to tell your father
-when he comes back.”
-
-“Perhaps it will be your duty, mamma,” said Bee, the colour going out of
-her face; “and then I shall have to consider what is mine,” she said.
-
-“Oh, Bee, Bee! Oh! how hard you make it for me. Oh! how I wish you had
-never seen him, nor heard of him,” Mrs. Kingsward cried.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XV.
-
-
-This communication made a little breach between Bee and her mother and
-planted a thorn in Mrs. Kingsward’s breast. She had been getting on so
-well; the quiet (which meant the riot of the seven nursery children and
-all their troublesome ways) had been doing her so much good, and the
-absence of every care save that Johnny should not take cold, and Lucy
-eat enough dinner--that it was hard upon her thus to be brought back in
-a moment to another and a more pressing kind of care. However, after an
-hour or two’s estrangement from Bee, which ended in a fuller expansion
-than ever of sympathy between them--and a morning or two in which Mrs.
-Kingsward remembered as soon as she awoke that it would be her duty to
-tell her husband and break up the pleasant peace and harmony of the
-household--the sweetness of that _dolce far niente_ swept over her again
-and obliterated or at least blurred the outline of all such troublous
-thoughts. Colonel Kingsward sent a hasty telegram to say that he was
-going on somewhere else for another ten days’ shooting, and that, though
-she exclaimed at first with a countenance of dismay, “Oh, children, papa
-is not coming home for another week!” in reality gave a pang of relief
-to her mind. Gliding into her being, she scarcely knew how, was an
-inclination to take every day as it came without thinking of
-to-morrow--which was perfectly natural, no doubt, and yet was an
-unconscious realisation of the fact, which as yet she had never put into
-words, nor had suggested to her, that those gentle days were numbered.
-Her husband’s delay was in one way like a reprieve to her. She had, like
-all simple natures, a vague faith in accident, in something that might
-turn up--“perhaps the world may end to-night”--something at least might
-happen in another ten days to make it unnecessary for her to disturb
-the existing state of affairs and throw new trouble into the house. She
-did not waver at first as to her duty, though nothing in the world could
-be more painful; and Bee did not say a word to change her mother’s
-resolution. Bee had always been aware that as soon as it was known the
-matter must come to another crisis--and the scorn with which she
-regarded the idea of doing anything clandestine prevented her even from
-asking that her secret should be kept. It was not in her mind but in her
-mother’s that those faint doubtings at last arose--those half
-entertained thoughts that a letter or two could do no harm; that the
-correspondence would drop of itself when it was seen between the two
-that there was no hope in it; and that almost anything would be better
-than a storm of domestic dispeace and the open rebellion in which Mrs.
-Kingsward felt with a shudder Bee would place herself. How are you to
-break the will of a girl who will not be convinced, who says it is not
-your, but her affair?
-
-No doubt that was true enough. It was Bee, not Colonel Kingsward, whose
-happiness was concerned. According to all the canons of poetry and
-literature in general, which in such matters permeate theoretically the
-general mind when there is no strong personal instinct to crush them,
-Bee had right on her side--and her mother’s instinct was all on the side
-of poetry and romance and Bee. She had not the courage to cut short that
-correspondence, not clandestine though unrevealed, which kept the girl’s
-heart alive, and was not without attractions to the mother also, into
-whose ear it might be whispered now and then (with always a faint
-protest on her part) that Aubrey had better hopes, that he had a
-powerful friend who was going to speak for him. If they really meant to
-be faithful to each other--and there was no doubt that was what they
-meant--they must win the day in the end; and what harm would it do in
-the meantime that they should hear of each other from time to time?
-Whereas, if she betrayed the secret, there would at once be a dreadful
-commotion in the house, and Bee would confront her father and tell him
-with those blazing eyes, so like his, that it was her affair. Mrs.
-Kingsward knew that her husband would never stoop to the manœuvre of
-intercepting letters, or keeping a watch upon those that his daughter
-received; and what can you do to a girl who says that? She shrank more
-than any words could say from the renewal of the conflict. She had been
-so thankful to believe that it had passed over and all things settled
-into peace while she was ill. Now that she was better her heart sank
-within her at the thought of bringing it all on again, which would also
-make her ill again she was convinced. Yet, at the same time, if she
-could not persuade Bee to give it up of herself (of which there was no
-hope whatever), then she must, it was her duty, inform her husband. But
-her heart rose a little at that ten days’ reprieve. Perhaps the world
-might end to-night. Something might happen to make it unnecessary in
-those ten days.
-
-And something did happen, though not in any way what Mrs. Kingsward
-could have wished.
-
-Colonel Kingsward’s return was approaching very near when on one of
-those bright October afternoons a lady from the neighbourhood--nay, it
-was the clergywoman of the parish, the Rector of Kingswarden’s wife, the
-very nearest of all neighbours--came to call. She had just returned from
-that series of visits which in the autumn is--with all who respect
-themselves--the natural course of events. Mrs. Chichester was a woman of
-good connection, of “private means,” and more or less “in society,” so
-that she carried out this programme quite as if she had been a great
-lady. She had an air of importance about her, which seemed to shadow
-forth from her very entrance something that she had to say--an unusual
-gravity, a look of having to make up her mind to a certain action which
-was not without difficulty. There passed a glance between Mrs. Kingsward
-and Bee, in which they said to each other, “What is it this time?” as
-clearly as words could have said; for, to be sure, they were well
-acquainted with this lady’s ways. She sat for a little, and talked of
-their respective travels since they had last met; and of the pleasant
-weeks she had passed at Homburg, where so many pleasant people were
-always to be met after the London season; and then she lightly touched
-on the fact that she had come over early in September, and since then
-had been staying at a number of country places, with the dear Bishop,
-and at Lady Grandmaison’s, and with old Sir Thomas down in Devonshire,
-and so on.
-
-“Or,” she concluded, with a disproportionate emphasis on that apparently
-unimportant word, “I should have been to see you long ago.”
-
-There was a significance in this which again made Mrs. Kingsward and Bee
-exchange a look--a laughing glance--as of those who had heard the phrase
-before. When, however, she had asked some questions about Mrs.
-Kingsward’s health, and expressed the proper feeling--sorry to hear she
-had been so poorly; delighted that she was so much better--Mrs.
-Chichester departed from her established use and wont. Instead of
-beginning upon the real object of her visit, after she had taken her cup
-of tea, with a “Now,” (also very emphatic) “I want to interest you in
-something I have very much at heart,”--which was generally a
-subscription, a society, a bazaar, a missionary meeting, or something of
-the sort--Mrs. Chichester bent forward and said, in a half whisper, “I
-have something I want very much to talk to you about. Could I speak to
-you for a moment--alone?”
-
-Bee was much surprised, but took her part with promptitude. “You want to
-get rid of me,” she said. “I shall go out on to the terrace, mamma, and
-you can call me from the window when you want me. I shall be sure to
-hear.”
-
-There was another look between them, always with a laugh in it, as she
-stepped out of the open window, with a book in her hand, a look which
-repeated, “What can it be, now?” with the same amusement as at first,
-but with more surprise. Bee made a circuit round the lawn with her book,
-one finger shut in it to mark the place; looking at the flowers, as one
-does who knows every plant individually, and notes each bud that is
-opening, and which are about to fall. She calculated within herself how
-long the dahlias would last, and that the Gloire de Dijon roses must be
-cut to-morrow, as she pursued her way towards the walnut tree, under
-which she meant to place herself. But Bee had not been there many
-minutes before she felt a little shiver creep over her. It was getting
-rather cold in this late October to sit out of doors, when the sun was
-already off the garden, and she had, as girls say, “nothing on.” She got
-up again, and made her way round to a garden bench which was set against
-the wall of the house, at the spot where the sunshine lasted longest.
-There was still a level ray of ruddy light pouring on that seat, and Bee
-forgot, or rather never thought, that it was close to the drawing-room
-window. Her mind was not much exercised about Mrs. Chichester’s secret,
-which probably concerned the mothers and babies of the parish, and which
-she certainly had no curiosity to hear. Besides, no doubt, the visitor
-had told by this time all the private details there were to tell. Bee
-sat down upon the bench, taking no precautions to disguise the sound of
-her footsteps, and opened her book. She was not an enthusiastic student,
-though she liked a novel as well as anyone; but her eyes strayed from
-it to the great width of the horizon in front of her, and the ruddy
-glory in the west, in which was just about to disappear that last long
-golden ray of the sun.
-
-Then she heard a low cry--an exclamation, stifled, yet full of horror.
-Was it mamma? What could the clergywoman be saying to bring from mamma’s
-lips such a cry? Bee--I cannot blame her--pricked up her ears. Mrs.
-Kingsward was not strong enough to be disturbed by horrors with which
-she had nothing to do.
-
-“Oh, I cannot believe it; I cannot believe it!” she said.
-
-“But,” said the other voice, with that emphasis at which Bee had laughed
-so often, “I can assure you it is true. I saw him myself shaking hands
-with the woman at the station. I might not have believed Miss Tatham’s
-story, but I saw with my own eyes that it was Mr. Leigh. I had met him
-at Sir Thomas’s the year before--when he was still in deep mourning for
-his wife, you know.”
-
-“Mr. Leigh! So it was something about Aubrey! Then it was Bee’s
-business still more than her mother’s, and she listened without any
-further thought.
-
-“But,” said Mrs. Kingsward, as if taking courage, “you must be mistaken;
-oh, not about seeing him shake hands with a woman--why shouldn’t he
-shake hands with a woman? He is very friendly with everybody. Perhaps he
-knew her, and there is nothing to find fault with in that.”
-
-“Now,” said Mrs. Chichester, solemnly, “should I have mentioned it had
-it been confined to that? I only told you of that as a proof. The thing
-is that he put in this woman--a common woman, like a servant--into a
-sleeping carriage--you know what those sleeping carriages cost; a
-perfect fortune; far too much for any comfort there is in them--in the
-middle of the night, with her two children. The woman behaved quite
-nicely, Miss Tatham says, and looked shocked to be put in with a lady,
-and blushed all over her face, and told that ridiculous story to account
-for it. Poor thing! One can only be sorry for her. Probably some poor
-thing deceived, and thinking she was to be made a lady of. But I know
-what you must think of the man, Mrs. Kingsward, who could do such a
-thing on his way from staying with your own family, even if there had
-been no more in it than that.”
-
-“But Mr. Leigh is very kind--kind to everybody--it might have been
-nothing but charity.”
-
-“Charity--in an express train sleeping carriage! Well, I confess I never
-heard of charity like that. Gentlemen generally know better than to
-compromise themselves for nothing in that sort of way. They are more
-afraid of risking themselves in railway carriages and that kind of thing
-than girls are--much more afraid. And if you remember, Mrs. Kingsward,
-what kind of reputation Mr. Leigh had in his poor wife’s time--keeping
-that Miss Lance all the time in her very house under her eyes.”
-
-“I have always heard that it was Mrs. Leigh who insisted upon keeping
-Miss Lance----”
-
-“Is it likely?” said Mrs. Chichester. “I ask you, knowing what you do of
-human nature? And then a thing to happen like this on his very way
-home--when he had just left you and poor little Bee. Oh, it is
-shameless, shameless! I could not contain myself when I heard of it. And
-then it was said that the Colonel had broken off the engagement, and I
-thought it would be a comfort to you to know that other things were
-occurring every day, and that it was the only thing to do.”
-
-“It is no comfort to me--and I cannot--I cannot believe it!”
-
-“Dear Mrs. Kingsward, you always take the best view; but if you had seen
-him, as I did, holding the woman’s hand, bending over her with such a
-look!--I was afraid he would kiss her, there, before everybody. And I,
-knowing of the engagement, and that he had just left you--before Miss
-Tatham said a word--I sat and stared, and couldn’t believe my eyes. It
-was the tenth of September, and he had left Bee, hadn’t he, the night
-before?”
-
-“I never remember dates,” said Mrs. Kingsward, querulously.
-
-“I do,” replied the visitor, “and I took the trouble to find out. At
-least, I found out by accident, through someone who saw him at the
-club, and who had just discovered the rights of that story about Miss
-Lance. Oh, I trust you will not be beguiled by his being a good _parti_,
-or that sort of thing, to trust dear Bee in such hands! Marriage is
-always rather a disenchantment; but think what it would be in such a
-case--a man that can’t be trusted to travel between Cologne and London
-without----”
-
-“I don’t believe it! I don’t believe it!” said Mrs. Kingsward; and Bee
-heard that her mother had melted into tears.
-
-“That is as good as saying you don’t believe me, who saw it with my own
-eyes,” said the visitor, getting up. “Indeed, I didn’t mean at all to
-distress you, for I thought that, as everything was broken off--I
-thought only if you had any doubts, as one has sometimes after one has
-settled a thing--that to know he was a man like that, with no respect
-for anything, who could leave his _fiancée_, and just plunge,
-plunge--there is no other word for it----”
-
-It was evident that Mrs. Kingsward, reduced to helplessness, here made
-no effort either to detain her visitor or to contradict her further, or
-indeed to make any remark. There was a step or two across the room, and
-then Mrs. Chichester said again--“Good-bye, dear. I am very sorry to
-have distressed you--but I couldn’t leave you in ignorance of such a
-thing for dear Bee’s sake; that is the one thing to be thankful for in
-the whole matter, that Bee doesn’t seem to mind a bit! She looks just as
-bright and just as nice as if nothing had happened. She can’t have cared
-for him! Only flattered, I suppose, and pleased to have a proposal--as
-those little things are, poor things. We should all thank heaven on our
-knees that there’s no question of a broken heart in Bee’s case----”
-
-She might not have been so sure of that had she seen the figure which
-came through the window the moment the door had closed upon her--Bee
-with her blue eyes blazing wildly out of her white face, and strange
-passion in every line both of features and form.
-
-“What is the meaning of it?” she said, briefly, with dry lips.
-
-“Oh, Bee, you have heard it all!”
-
-“I have heard enough--what does it mean, mamma?”
-
-Mrs. Kingsward roused herself, dried her eyes, and went forward to Bee
-with outstretched arms; but the girl turned away. “I don’t want to be
-petted. I want to know what--what it means,” she said.
-
-“I don’t believe it,” cried Mrs. Kingsward.
-
-“Give a reason; don’t say things to quiet me. Oh, keep your arms away,
-mamma! Don’t pet me as if I wanted that! Why don’t you believe it? And
-if you did believe it--what does it mean--what does it mean?”
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XVI.
-
-
-Bee’s look of scared and horrified misery was something new in Mrs.
-Kingsward’s experience. The girl had not known any trouble. Her father’s
-rejection of her lover and the apparent break between them had been in
-reality only another feature in the romance. She had almost liked it
-better so. There had been no time to pine, to feel the pain of
-separation. It was all the more like a poem, like what every love story
-should be, that this breaking off should have come.
-
-And now, all at once, without any warning! The worst of it was that Bee
-had only heard a part of the story, the recapitulation of it. Mrs.
-Chichester had given the accused more or less fair play. She had given
-an imperfect account of the explanation, the story the woman had
-told--as was almost inevitable to a third party, but she had given it to
-the best of her ability, not meaning to deceive, willing enough that he
-should have the benefit of the doubt, or perhaps that the judgment upon
-him should be all the more hard, because of his attempt to mingle deceit
-with his sin, and throw dust in the eyes of any possible spectators.
-This was the way in which it had appeared to herself, but she was not
-unfair. She told the story which had been told to the astonished lady
-upon whose solitude the little party had been obtruded in the middle of
-the night, and who had heard it perhaps even imperfectly at first hand
-mingled with the jolting and jarring of the train and the murmur of the
-children. And yet Mrs. Chichester had repeated it honestly.
-
-But Bee had not heard that part of the tale. She had heard only the
-facts of the case which had presented to her inexperienced young mind
-the most wild and dreadful picture. Her lover, who had just left her,
-whom she had promised to stand by till death, suddenly appeared to her
-in the pale darkness of the midnight with a woman and children hanging
-on to him--belonging to him, as appeared. Where had he met them? How had
-he arranged to meet them? When her hand had been in his, when he had
-been asking from her that pledge till death, had he just been arranging
-all that--giving them that rendezvous--settling how they were to meet,
-and where? A horror and sickness came over poor Bee. It made her head
-swim and her limbs tremble. To leave her with her pledge in his ears,
-and to meet, perhaps at the very outset of his journey, the woman with
-the children--a common sort of woman, like a servant. As if that made
-any difference! If she had been a duchess it would have been all the
-same. He must have met her fresh from Bee’s presence, with his farewell
-to the girl whom he had pretended to love still on his lips. She could
-not think so clearly. Was this picture burnt in upon her mind? She
-seemed to see the dim, half-lighted carriage, and Aubrey at the door
-putting the party in. And then at Dover, in the daylight, shaking hands
-with his companion, bending over her as if he meant to kiss her! These
-two pictures took possession of Bee’s mind completely. And all this just
-when he had left Bee--between his farewell to her and his interview with
-her father! If she had heard of the story which the woman had told to
-the startled Miss Tatham in the dim sleeping carriage, from which,
-looking out, she had recognised Aubrey Leigh, it might have made a
-difference. But that story had not been told in Bee’s hearing. And Mrs.
-Kingsward did not know this, but supposed she had heard the whole from
-beginning to end.
-
-Bee’s mother, to tell the truth, after the first shock, was glad of that
-unconscious eaves-dropping on Bee’s part; for how could she have told
-her? Indeed, the story was too gross, too flagrant to be believed by
-herself. She felt sure that there must be some explanation of it other
-than the vulgar one which was put upon it by these ladies; but she knew
-very well that the same interpretation would be put upon it by her
-husband, and many other people to whom Aubrey’s innocent interference in
-such a case would have seemed much less credible than guilt. Guilt is
-the thing that generally rises first as the explanation of everything,
-to the mind, both of the man and woman of the world. The impossibility
-of a man leaving a delicate flower of womanhood like Bee, whose first
-love he had won, in order to fall back at once into the bonds of a
-common intrigue, and provide for the comfort of his paramour, who had
-been waiting for him on the journey, would not prove so great to most
-people as the impossibility that he, as a stranger, would step out of
-his way to succour a poor little mother and children whom he had never
-seen before, and risk thereby a compromising situation.
-
-The latter was the thing which would have seemed unutterably ridiculous
-and impossible to Colonel Kingsward. A first-class sleeping carriage
-secured for a mere waif upon his way, whom he had never seen before and
-never would see again! The fellow might be a fool, but he was not such a
-fool as that. Had the woman even been old and ugly the Colonel would
-have laughed and shrugged his shoulders at Aubrey’s bad taste; but the
-woman was pretty and young. A long-standing affair, no doubt; and, of
-course, it was quite possible, nay likely, that she was being sent, poor
-creature, to some retreat or other, where she would be out of the way
-with her children.
-
-Mrs. Kingsward knew, as if she had heard him say these words, how her
-husband would speak. And who was she, with not half his experience of
-the world, to maintain a different opinion? Yet she did so. She thought
-it was like Aubrey to turn the poor woman’s lingering, melancholy
-journey into a quick and comfortable one, out of pure kindness, without
-thought of compromising himself any more than of having any recompense
-for what he did. But she did not know that Bee knew nothing of this
-explanation of the story. When she found that her child evidently
-thought nothing of that, but received at once the darker miserable tale
-into her mind, she was startled, but not perhaps astonished. Bee was
-young to think the worst of anybody, but at the same time it is by far
-the commonest way of thinking, and the offence was one against herself,
-which gives a sharper edge to everything. And then she knew what was
-going on in Bee’s mind chiefly by guesswork, for the girl said little.
-The colour went out of her face, her eyes sometimes gave a gleam of
-their old fire, but mostly had a strange set look, as if they were fixed
-on something not visible to the ordinary spectator. She sat all the
-evening through and never spoke. This was not so noticeable while the
-children were still about with their perpetual flow of observations and
-flood of questions; but when they went off in detachments to bed, and
-the two elder girls were left alone with their mother, Bee’s silence
-fell upon the others like a cloud. Betty, who knew nothing, after a few
-minutes rushed away upstairs to find refuge in the nursery, and then
-Mrs. Kingsward was left alone, face to face with this silent figure, so
-unlike Bee, which neither moved nor spoke. She had scarcely the courage
-to break the dreadful silence, but yet it had to be broken. Poor Mrs.
-Kingsward’s heart began to beat violently against her breast as it had
-not done since her return home.
-
-“Bee!” she said. “Bee!”
-
-Already the pumping of her heart had taken away her breath.
-
-“Yes, mamma.”
-
-“Oh! Bee, what--what are you going to do?”
-
-“To do, mamma?”
-
-“Oh! don’t repeat my words after me, but give me some sort of an answer.
-Betty may be back again in a moment. What are you going to do?”
-
-“What can I do?” the girl said, in a low voice.
-
-“I can’t suppose but that you have been thinking about it--what else
-could you be thinking of, poor child? For my part, I don’t believe it.
-Do you hear me, Bee?”
-
-“Yes--I heard you say that before, mamma.”
-
-“And that is all you think of what I say! My darling, you can’t remain
-like this. The first thing your father will ask will be, ‘What has
-happened?’ I cannot bear that you should give up--without a word.”
-
-Mrs. Kingsward had disapproved of the correspondence, had felt that it
-would be incumbent upon her to tell her husband of it, but yet in this
-unforeseen emergency she forgot all that.
-
-“Without a word! What words could I say? You don’t suppose I could
-discuss it with him--ask if it was true? If it’s true, there isn’t a
-word to say, is there? And if it isn’t true it would be an insult to ask
-him. And so one way or another it is all just done with and over. And I
-wish you would leave me quiet, mamma.”
-
-“Done with and over! Without a word--on a mere story of something that
-took place on a journey!”
-
-“Oh! leave me quiet, mamma. Do you think I need to be reminded of that
-journey? As if I did not see it, and the lamps burning, and hear the
-very wheels!”
-
-“Bee, dear, how can I leave you quiet? Do you mean just to let it break
-off like that, without a word, without giving him the chance to
-explain?”
-
-“I thought,” said Bee, with a faint satirical smile, for, indeed, her
-heart was capable of all bitterness, “that it was broken off completely
-by papa, and all that remained was only--what you called clandestine,
-mamma.”
-
-“I did not call it clandestine. I knew you would do nothing that was
-dishonourable. And it is true that it was--broken off. But, Bee! Bee!
-you don’t seem to feel the dreadful thing this is. After all that has
-passed, to let it drop in a moment, without saying a word!”
-
-“I thought it was what I ought to have done, as soon as papa’s will was
-made known.”
-
-“Oh! Bee, you will drive me mad. And I have got no breath to speak. So
-you ought, perhaps--but you have not, when perhaps there was a reason.
-And now, for a mere chance story, and without giving him--an
-opportunity--to speak for himself.”
-
-Bee raised her face, now crimson as it had before been pale.
-
-“How could I put any questions on such a thing? How could it be
-discussed between him and me? To think of it is bad enough, but to speak
-of it--mamma! How do I know, even, what words to say?”
-
-“In that case, every engagement would be at the mercy of any slanderer,
-if the girl never could bring herself to ask what it meant.”
-
-“I am not any girl,” cried poor Bee, with a quiver of her lip. “I am
-just myself. I don’t think very much of myself any more than you do, but
-I can’t change myself. Oh, let me alone, let me alone, mamma!”
-
-Mrs. Kingsward was very much excited. Her nostrils grew pinched and
-dilated in the struggle for breath; her lips were open and panting from
-the same cause. She was caught in that dreadful contradiction of
-sentiment and feeling which is worse than any unmingled catastrophe. She
-had been rent asunder before this by her desire to shield her daughter,
-yet the sense of her duty to her husband remained, and now it was the
-correspondence which she seemed to be called upon to defend almost at
-peril of her life; that actually clandestine, at least secret
-correspondence, of which she could not approve, which she was bound to
-cut short. And yet to cut it short like this was something which she
-could not bear. She threw aside the work with which she had been
-struggling and fixed her eyes on Bee, who did not look at her nor see
-how agitated her expression was.
-
-“If you can do this, I can’t,” she said. “I will write to him. The
-other dreadful story may be true, for anything I know. And that, of
-course, is enough. But this one I don’t believe, if an angel from Heaven
-told it me. He shall at least have the chance of clearing himself!”
-
-“I don’t know,” said Bee, “what the other dreadful story was. I thought
-it was only pretending to love--some other woman; and then--pretending
-to love _me_”--she broke off into a little hoarse laugh. The offence of
-it was more than Bee could bear. The insult--to suffer (she said to
-herself) was one thing--but to be insulted! She laughed to think what a
-fool she had been; how she had been taken in; how she had said--oh, like
-the veriest credulous fool--“Till death.”
-
-“He was not pretending to love you. What went before I know not, but
-with you he was true.”
-
-“One before--and one after,” said Bee, rising in an irrepressible rage
-of indignation. “Oh, mamma, how can we sit quietly and discuss it, as
-if--as if it were a thing that could be talked about? Am I to come in
-between--two others--two---- I think it will make me mad,” the girl
-cried, stamping her foot. How does a man dare to do that--to insult a
-girl--who never sought him nor heard of him, wanted nothing of him--till
-he came and forced himself into her life!”
-
-“Oh! Bee, my darling,” cried the mother, going up to her child with
-outstretched arms.
-
-“Don’t touch me, don’t touch me, don’t pet me; I cannot bear it. Let me
-stand by myself. I am not a little thing like Lucy to be caught up and
-kissed till I forget. I don’t want to forget. There is nothing that can
-ever be done to me, if I were to live to an hundred, to put this out of
-my head.”
-
-“Bee, be patient with me for a moment. I have lived longer than you
-have. What went before could be no offence to you, whatever it was. It
-might be bad, but it was no offence to you. And this--I don’t believe
-it----”
-
-Bee was far too much self-absorbed to see the labouring breath, the pink
-spot on each cheek, the panting which made her mother’s fine nostrils
-quiver and kept her lips apart, or that she caught at the back of a
-chair to support herself as she stood.
-
-“I don’t know why--you shouldn’t believe it. I don’t believe it; I see
-it, I hear it,” cried Bee. “It’s like a story--and I thought these
-things were always stories, things made up to keep up the interest in a
-book---- I’m the--deceived heroine, the one that’s disappointed, don’t
-you know, mamma? We’ve read all about her dozens of times. But she
-generally makes a fuss over it,” the girl said, with her suffocating
-laugh. “I shall make--no fuss---- Mamma! What is the matter, mamma?”
-
-Nothing more was the matter than the doctor could have told Mrs.
-Kingsward’s family long ago--a spasm of the heart. She stumbled backward
-to the sofa, and flung herself down before consciousness forsook her.
-Did consciousness forsake her at all? Bee rushing to the bell, making
-its violent sound peal through the house, then flinging herself at her
-mother’s feet, and calling to her in the helplessness of utter
-ignorance, “Mamma, mamma!” did not think that she was unconscious.
-Broken words fell from her in the midst of her gasps for breath, then
-there was a moment of dread stillness. By this time the room seemed to
-be full of people--Bee did not know who was there--and then there
-suddenly appeared out of the mist Moulsey with a glass and teaspoon in
-her hands.
-
-“Go away, all of you,” cried Moulsey, “she’ll be better directly--open
-all the windows and take a fan and fan her, Miss Bee.”
-
-The blast of the cold October night air came in like a flood, Bee seemed
-to come out of a horrible dream in the waft of air brought by the fan
-which she was herself waving to and fro--and in a little time, as
-Moulsey said, Mrs. Kingsward was better. The labouring breath which had
-come back after that awful moment of stillness gradually calmed down and
-became softer with an occasional long drawn sigh, and then she opened
-her eyes and said, with a faint smile, “What is it? What is it?” She
-looked round her for a moment puzzled--and then she said, “Ah! you are
-fanning me,” with a smile to Bee, but presently, “How cold it is! I
-don’t think I want to be fanned, Moulsey.”
-
-“No, ma’am, not now. And White is just a-going to shut all the windows.
-The fire was a bit too hot, and you know you never can bear it when the
-room gets too hot.”
-
-“No, I never can bear it,” Mrs. Kingsward said, in a docile tone. She
-followed the lead of any suggestion given to her. “I must have got
-faint--with the heat.”
-
-“That was just it,” said Moulsey. “When you have a fire in the
-drawing-room so early it looks so cheerful you’re apt to pile it too
-high without thinking--for it ain’t really cold in October, not cold
-enough to have a fire like that. You want it for cheerfulness, ma’am,
-more than for heat. A big bit of wood that will make a nice blaze, and
-very little coal, as is too much for the season, is what your
-drawing-room fire should be.”
-
-Mrs. Kingsward gradually came to herself during this long speech, which
-no doubt was what Moulsey intended. But she said she felt a little weak,
-and that she would keep on the sofa until it was time to go to bed. The
-agitation she had gone through seemed to have passed from her mind.
-“Read me a little of that story,” she said, pointing to a book on the
-table. “We left off last night at a most interesting part. Read me the
-next chapter, Bee.”
-
-Bee sat down beside her mother’s sofa and opened the book. It was not a
-book of a very exciting kind it may be supposed, when it was thus read a
-chapter at a time, without any one of the party opening it from evening
-to evening to see how things went on. But as it happened at this point
-of the story, the heroine had found out that her lover was not so
-blameless as she thought, and was making up her mind to have nothing to
-do with him. Bee began to read with an indignation beyond words for both
-hero and heroine, who were so pale, so colourless, beside her own story.
-To waste one’s time reading stuff like this, while the tide of one’s own
-passion was ten times stronger! She did not think very much of her
-mother’s faint. It was, no doubt, the too large fire, as Moulsey said.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XVII.
-
-
-IT was perhaps a very good thing for Bee at this distracting and
-distracted moment of her life, that her mother’s illness came in to fill
-up every thought. Her own little fabric of happiness crumbled down about
-her ears like a house of cards, only as it was far more deeply founded
-and strongly built, the downfall was with a rumbling that shook the
-earth and a dust that rose up to the skies. Heaven was blurred out to
-her by the rising clouds, and all the earth was full of the noise, like
-an earthquake, of the falling walls. She could not get that sound out of
-her ears even in Mrs. Kingsward’s sick room, where the quiet was
-preternatural, and everybody spoke in the lowest tone, and every step
-was hushed. Even then it went on roaring, the stones and the rafters
-flying, the storms of dust and ruin blackening the air, so that Bee
-could not but wonder that nobody saw them, that the atmosphere was not
-thick and stifling with those _debris_ that were continually falling
-about her own ears. For everything was coming down; not only the idol
-and the shrine he abode in, but heaven and earth, in which she felt that
-no truth, no faith, could dwell any longer. Who was there to believe in?
-Not any man if not Aubrey; not any goodness, any truth, if not his--not
-anything! For it was without object, without warning, for nothing at
-all, that he had deserted her, as if it had been of no importance: with
-the ink not dry on his letter, with her name still upon his lips. A
-great infidelity, like a great faith, is always something. It is tragic,
-one of the awful events of life in which there is, or may be, fate; an
-evil destiny, a terrible chastisement prepared beforehand. In such a
-case one can at least feel one’s self only a great victim, injured by
-God himself and the laws of the universe, though that was not the common
-fashion of thought then, as it is now-a-days. But Bee’s downfall did not
-mean so much as that it was not intended by anyone--not even by the
-chief worker in it. He had meant to hold Bee fast with one hand while he
-amused himself with the other. Amused himself--oh, heaven! Bee’s heart
-seemed to contract with a speechless spasm of anguish and rage. That she
-should be of no more account than that! Played with as if she were
-nobody--the slight creature of a moment. She, Bee! She, Colonel
-Kingsward’s daughter!
-
-At first the poor girl went on in a mist of self-absorption, through
-which everything else pierced but dully, wrapped up and hidden in it as
-in the storm which would have arisen had the house actually fallen about
-her ears, perceiving her mother through it, and the doctor, and all the
-accessories of the scene--but dimly, not as if they were real. When,
-however, there began to penetrate through this, strange words, with
-strange meanings in them: “Danger”--danger to whom?--“Strength
-failing”--but whose strength?--a dull wonder came in, bringing her back
-to other thoughts. By-and-by, Bee began to understand a little that it
-was of her mother of whom these things were being said. Her mother? But
-it was not her mother’s house that had fallen; what did it mean? The
-doctor talked apart with Moulsey, and Moulsey turned her back, and her
-shoulders heaved, and her apron seemed to be put to her eyes. Bee, in
-her dream said, half aloud, “Danger?” and both the doctor and Moulsey
-turned upon her as if they would have killed her. Then she was beckoned
-out of the room, and found herself standing face to face with that grave
-yet kindly countenance which she had known all her life, in which she
-believed as in the greatest authority. She heard his voice speaking to
-her through all the rumbling and downfall.
-
-“You must be very courageous,” it said, “You are the eldest, and till
-your father comes home----”
-
-What did it matter about her father coming home, or about her being the
-eldest? What had all these things to do with the earthquake, with the
-failure of truth, and meaning, and everything in life? She looked at him
-blankly, wondering if it were possible that he did not hear the sound of
-the great falling, the rending of the walls, and the tearing of the
-roof, and the choking dust that filled all earth and heaven.
-
-“My dear Beatrice,” he said, for he had known her all his life, “you
-don’t understand me, do you, my poor child?”
-
-Bee shook her head, looking at him wistfully. Could he know anything
-more about it, she wondered--anything that had still to be said?
-
-He took her hand, and her poor little hand was very cold with emotion
-and trouble. The good doctor, who knew nothing about any individual
-cause little Bee could have for agitation, thought he saw that her very
-being was arrested by a terror which as yet her intelligence had not
-grasped; something dreadful in the air which she did not understand. He
-drew her into the dining-room, the door of which stood open, and poured
-out a little wine for her. “Now, Bee,” he said, “no fainting, no
-weakness. You must prove what is in you now. It is a dreadful trial for
-you, my dear, but you can do a great deal for your dear mother’s sake,
-as she would for yours.”
-
-“I have never said it was a trial,” cried Bee, with a gasp. “Why do you
-speak to me so? Has mamma told you? No one has anything to do with it
-but me.”
-
-He looked at her with great surprise, but the doctor was a man of too
-much experience not to see that here was something into which it was
-better not to inquire. He said, very quietly, “You, as the eldest, have
-no doubt the chief part to play; but the little ones will all depend
-upon your strength and courage. Your mother does not herself know. She
-is very ill. It will require all that we can do--to pull her through.”
-
-Bee repeated the last words after him with a scared look, but scarcely
-any understanding in her face--“To pull her--through?”
-
-“Don’t you understand me now? Your mother--has been ill for a long time.
-Your father is aware of it. I suppose he thought you were too young to
-be told. But now that he is absent, and your brother, I have no
-alternative. Your mother is in great danger. I have telegraphed for
-Colonel Kingsward, but in the meantime, Bee--child, don’t lose your
-head! Do you understand me? She may be dying, and you are the only one
-to stand by her, to give her courage.”
-
-Bee did not look as if she had courage for anyone at that dreadful
-moment. She fell a-trembling from head to foot and fell back against the
-wall where she was standing. Her eyes grew large, staring at him yet
-veiled as if they did not see--and she stammered forth at length,
-“Mother, mother!” with almost no meaning, in the excess of misery and
-surprise.
-
-“Yes, your mother; whatever else you may have to think of, she is the
-first consideration now.”
-
-He went on speaking, but Bee did not hear him; everything floated around
-her in a mist. The scenes at the Bath, the agitations, Mrs. Kingsward’s
-sudden pallors and flushings, her pretence, which they all laughed at,
-of not being able to walk; her laziness, lying on the sofa, the
-giddiness when she made that one turn with Charlie, she who had always
-been so fond of dancing; the hurry of bringing her to Kingswarden when
-Bee had felt they would have been so much better in London, and her
-strange, strange new fancy, mutely condemned by Bee, of finding the
-children too much for her. Half of these things had been silently
-remarked and disapproved of by the daughters. Mamma getting so
-idle--self-indulgent almost, so unlike herself! Had they not been too
-busily engaged in their own affairs, Bee and Betty would both have been
-angry with mamma. All these things seem to float about Bee in a mist
-while she leaned against the wall and the doctor stood opposite to her
-talking. It was only perhaps about a minute after all, but she saw
-waving round her, passing before her eyes, one scene melting into
-another, or rather all visible at once, innumerable episodes--the whole
-course of the three months past which had contained so much. She came
-out of this strange whirl very miserable but very quiet.
-
-“I think it is chiefly my fault,” she said, faltering, interrupting the
-doctor who was talking, always talking; “but how could I know, for
-nobody told me? Doctor, tell me what to do now? You said we should--pull
-her through.”
-
-She gave him a faint, eager, conciliatory smile, appealing to him to do
-it. Of course he could do it! “Tell me--tell me only what to do.”
-
-He patted her kindly upon the shoulder. “That is right,” he said. “Now
-you understand me, and I know I can trust you. There is not much to do.
-Only to be quiet and steady--no crying or agitation. Moulsey knows
-everything. But you must be ready and steady, my dear. Sit by her and
-look happy and keep up her courage--that’s the chief thing. If she gives
-in it is all over. She must not see that you are frightened or
-miserable. Come, it’s a great thing to do for a little girl that has
-never known any trouble. But you are of a good sort, and you must rise
-to it for your mother’s sake.”
-
-Look happy! That was all she had to do. “Can’t I help Moulsey,” she
-asked. “I could fetch her what she wants. I could--go errands for her.
-Oh, doctor, something a little easier,” cried Bee, clasping her hands,
-“just at first!”
-
-“All that’s arranged,” he said, hastily, “Come, we must go back to our
-patient. She will be wondering what I am talking to you about. She will
-perhaps take fright. No, nothing easier, my poor child--if you can do
-that you may help me a great deal; if you can’t, go to bed, my dear,
-that will be best.”
-
-She gave him a look of great scorn, and moved towards her mother’s room,
-leading the way.
-
-Mrs. Kingsward was lying with her face towards the door, watching, in a
-blaze of excitement and fever. Her eyes had never been so bright nor her
-colour so brilliant. She was breathing quickly, panting, with her heart
-very audible to herself, pumping in her ears, and almost audible in the
-room, so evident was it that every pulse was at fever speed. “What have
-you been telling Bee, doctor? What have you been telling Bee? What----”
-When she had begun this phrase it did not seem as if she could stop
-repeating it again and again.
-
-“I have been telling her that she may sit with you, my dear lady, on
-condition of being very quiet, very quiet,” said the doctor. “It’s a
-great promotion at her age. She has promised to sit very still, and talk
-very little, and hush her mamma to sleep. It is you who must be the baby
-to-night. If you can get a good long quiet sleep, it will do you all the
-good in the world. Yes, you may hold her hand if you like, my dear, and
-pat it, and smooth it--a little gentle mesmerism will do no harm. That,
-my dear lady, is what I have been telling Miss Bee.”
-
-“Oh, doctor,” said Mrs. Kingsward, “don’t you know she has had great
-trouble herself, poor child? Poor little Bee! At her age I was married
-and happy; and here is she, poor thing, plunged into trouble. Doctor,
-you know, there is a--gentleman----”
-
-Mrs. Kingsward had raised herself upon her elbow, and the panting of her
-breath filled all the room.
-
-“Another time--another time you shall tell me all about it. But I shall
-take Miss Bee away, and consign you to a dark room, and silence, if you
-say another word----”
-
-“Oh, don’t make my room dark! I like the light. I want my child. Let me
-keep her, let me keep her! Who should--comfort her--but her mother?”
-
-“Yes, so long as you keep quiet. If you talk I will take her away. Not a
-word--not a word--till to-morrow.” In spite of himself there was a
-change in the doctor’s voice as he said that word--or Bee thought so--as
-if there might never be any to-morrow. The girl felt as if she must cry
-out, shriek aloud, to relieve her bursting brain, but did not, overborne
-by his presence and by the new sense of duty and self-restraint. “Come
-now,” he went on, “I am very kind to let you have your little girl by
-you, holding your hand--don’t you think so? Go to sleep, both of you. If
-you’re quite, quite, quiet you’ll both doze, and towards the morning
-I’ll look in upon you again. Now, not another word. Good-night,
-good-night.”
-
-Bee, whose heart was beating almost as strongly as her mother’s, heard
-his measured step withdraw on the soft carpets with a sense of wild
-despair, as if the last hope was going from her. Her inexperienced
-imagination had leaped from complete ignorance and calm to the last
-possibilities of calamity. She had never seen death, and what if that
-awful presence were to come while she was alone, incapable of any
-struggle, of giving any help. She listened to the steps getting fainter
-in the distance with anguish and terror unspeakable. She clasped her
-mother’s hand tightly without knowing it. That only aid, the only man
-who could do anything, was going away--deserting them--leaving her alone
-in her ignorance to stand between her mother and death. Death! Every
-pulse sprang up and fluttered in mortal terror. And she was put there to
-be quiet--ready and steady, he had said--to look happy! Bee kept silent;
-kept sitting upon her chair; kept down her shriek after him with a
-superhuman effort. She could do no more.
-
-“Listen--he’s talking to Moulsey now,” said Mrs. Kingsward, “about me;
-they’re always--whispering, about me--telling the symptoms--and how I
-am. That is the worst of nurses----”
-
-“Mamma! Oh, don’t talk, don’t talk!” cried Bee; though she was more
-comforted than words can tell by the sound of her mother’s voice.
-
-“Whispering: can’t you hear them? About temperature--and things.
-I can bear talking--but whispering. Bee--don’t you hear
-’em--whis--whispering----”
-
-“Oh, mamma,” cried Bee, “I love to hear you speak! But don’t, don’t,
-don’t, or they’ll make me go away.”
-
-“My baby,” said the mother, diverted in her wandering and weakness to a
-new subject, “my little thing! He said we were to go to sleep. Put your
-head there--and I’ll sing you--I’ll sing you--to sleep--little Bee,
-little Bee, poor little Bee!”
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XVIII.
-
-
-THIS night was the strangest in Bee Kingsward’s life. She had never
-known what it was to remain silent and awake in the darkness and warmth
-of a sick room, which of itself is a strange experience for a girl, and
-shows the young spirit its own weakness, its craving for rest and
-comfort, the difficulty of overcoming the instincts of nature--with such
-a sense of humiliation as nothing else could give. Could you not watch
-with me one hour? She believed that she had lain awake crying all night
-when her dream of happiness had so suddenly been broken in upon at
-Cologne; but now, while she sat by her mother’s side, and the little
-soft crooning of the song, which Mrs. Kingsward supposed herself to be
-singing to put her child to sleep, sank into a soft murmur, and the poor
-lady succeeded in hushing herself into a doze by this characteristic
-method. Bee’s head dropped too, and her eyelids closed. Then she woke,
-with a little shiver, to see the large figure of Moulsey like a ghost by
-the bed, and struggled dumbly back to her senses, only remembering that
-she must not start nor cry to disturb Mrs. Kingsward, whose quick
-breathing filled the room with a sensation of danger and dismay to which
-the girl was sensible as soon as the film of sleep that had enveloped
-her was broken. Mrs. Kingsward’s head was thrown back on the pillow; now
-and then a faint note of the lullaby which she had been singing came
-from the parted lips, through which the hot, quick breath came so
-audibly. Now and then she stirred in her feverish sleep. Moulsey stood
-indistinguishable with her back to the light, a mass of solid shadow by
-the bedside. She shook her head. “Sleep’s best,” she said, in the
-whisper which the patient hated. “Sleep’s better than the best of
-physic.” Bee caught those solid skirts with a sensation of hope, to
-feel them so real and substantial in her hand. She did not care to
-speak, but lifted her face, pale with alarm and trouble, to the
-accustomed nurse. Moulsey shook her head again. It was all the
-communication that passed between them, and it crushed the hope that was
-beginning to rise in Bee’s mind. She had thought when she heard the
-doctor go away that death might be coming as soon as his back was
-turned. She had felt when her mother fell asleep as if the danger must
-be past. Now she sank into that second stage of hopelessness, when there
-is no longer any immediate panic, when the unaccustomed intelligence
-dimly realises that the sufferer may be better, and may live through the
-night, or through many nights, and yet there may be no real change. Very
-dim as yet was this consciousness in Bee’s heart, and yet the first
-dawning of it bowed her down.
-
-In the middle of the night--after hours so long!--more like years, when
-Bee seemed to have sat there half her life, to have become used to it,
-to be uncertain about everything outside, but only that her mother lay
-there more ill than words could say--Mrs. Kingsward awoke. She opened
-her eyes without any change of position with the habit of a woman who
-has been long ill, without acknowledging her illness. It was Moulsey who
-saw a faint reflection of the faint light in the softly opening eyes,
-and detected that little change in the breathing which comes with
-returning consciousness. Bee, with her head leant back upon her chair
-and her eyes closed, was dozing again.
-
-“You must take your cordial, ma’am, now you’re awake. You’ve had such a
-nice sleep.”
-
-“Have I? I thought I was with the children and singing to baby. Who’s
-this that has my hand--Bee?”
-
-“Mamma,” cried the girl, with a little start, and then, “Oh! I have
-waked her, Moulsey, I have waked her!”
-
-“Is this her little hand? Poor little Bee! No, you have not waked me,
-love; but why, why is the child here?”
-
-“The doctor said she might stay--to send for him if you wanted
-anything--and--and to satisfy her.”
-
-“To satisfy her, why so, why so? Am I so bad? Did he think I would
-die--in the night?”
-
-“No, no, no,” said Moulsey, standing by her, patting her shoulder, as if
-she had been a fretful child. “What a thing to fancy! As if he’d have
-sent the child here for that!”
-
-“No,” said the poor lady, “he wouldn’t have sent the child, would
-he--not the child--for that--to frighten her! But Bee must go to bed.
-I’m so much better. Go to bed. Moulsey; poor Moulsey, never tires, she’s
-so good. But you must go to bed.”
-
-“Oh, mother, let me stay. When you sleep, I sleep too; and I’m so much
-happier here.”
-
-“Happier, are you? Well--but there was something wrong. Something had
-happened. What was it that happened? And your father away! It never does
-for anything to happen when--my husband is away. I’ve grown so silly. I
-never know what to do. What was it that happened, Bee?”
-
-“There was--nothing,” said Bee, with a sudden chill of despair. She had
-forgotten everything but the dim bed-chamber, the faint light, the
-quick, quick breathing. And now there came a stab at her poor little
-heart. She scarcely knew what it was, but a cut like a knife going to
-the very centre of her being. Then there came the doctor’s words, as if
-they were written in light across the darkness of the room--“Ready, and
-steady.” She said in a stronger voice, “You have been dreaming. There
-was nothing, mamma.”
-
-Mrs. Kingsward, who had raised herself on her elbow, sank back again on
-her pillow.
-
-“Yes,” she said, “I must have been dreaming. I thought somebody
-came--and told us. Dreams are so strange. People say they’re things
-you’ve been--thinking of. But I was not thinking of that--the very last
-thing! Bee, it’s a pity--it’s a great pity--when a woman with so many
-children falls into this kind of silly, bad health.”
-
-“Oh, mamma,” was all that poor Bee could say.
-
-“Oh--let me alone, Moulsey--I want to talk a little. I’ve had such a
-good sleep, you said; sometimes--I want to talk, and Moulsey won’t let
-me--nor your father, and I have it all here,” she said, putting her
-hand to her heart, “or here,” laying it over her eyebrows, “and I never
-get it out. Let me talk, Moulsey--let me talk.”
-
-Bee, leaning forward, and Moulsey standing over her by the bedside,
-there was a pause. Their eyes, accustomed to the faint light, saw her
-eyes shining from the pillow, and the flush of her cheeks against the
-whiteness of the bed. Then, after a while, there came a little faint
-laugh, and, “What was I saying?” Mrs. Kingsward asked. “You look so big,
-Moulsey, like the shadows I used to throw on the wall to please the
-children. You always liked the rabbit best, Bee. Look!” She put up her
-hands as if to make that familiar play upon the wall. “But Moulsey,” she
-added, “is so big. She shuts out all the light, and what is Bee doing
-here at this hour of the night? Moulsey, send Miss Bee to bed.”
-
-“Oh, mother, let me stay. You were going to tell me something.”
-
-“Miss Bee, you must not make her talk.”
-
-“How like Moulsey!” said the invalid. “Make me talk! when I have wanted
-so much to talk. Bee, it’s horrid to go on in this silly ill way,
-when--when one has children to think of. Your father’s always good--but
-a man often doesn’t understand. About you, now--if I had been a little
-stronger, it might have been different. What was it we heard? I don’t
-think it was true what we heard.”
-
-“Oh, mamma, don’t think of that, now.”
-
-“It is _so_ silly, always being ill! And there’s nothing really the
-matter. Ask the doctor. They all say there’s nothing really the matter.
-Your father--but then he doesn’t know how a woman feels. I feel as if I
-were sinking, sinking down through the bed and the floor and everything,
-away, I don’t know where. So silly, for nothing hurts me--I’ve no
-pain--except that I always want more air. If you were to open the
-window, Moulsey; and Bee, give me your hand and hold me fast, that I
-mayn’t sink away. It’s all quite silly, you know, to think so,” she
-added, with again a faint laugh.
-
-Bee’s eyes sought those of Moulsey with a terrified question in them;
-the great shadow only slightly shook its head.
-
-“Do you remember, Bee, the picture--we saw it in Italy, and I’ve got a
-photograph--where there is a saint lying so sweetly in the air, with
-angels holding her up? They’re flying with her through the blue sky--two
-at her head, and other two--and her mantle so wrapped round her, and she
-lying, oh! so easy, resting, though there’s nothing but the air and the
-angels. Do you remember, Bee?”
-
-“Yes, mamma. Oh, mamma, mamma!”
-
-“That’s what I should like,” said Mrs. Kingsward; “it’s strange, isn’t
-it? The bed’s solid, and the house is solid, and Moulsey there, she’s
-very solid too, and air isn’t solid at all. But there never was anybody
-that lay so easy and looked so safe as that woman in the air. Their arms
-must be so soft under her, and yet so strong, you know; stronger than
-your father’s. He’s so kind, but he hurries me sometimes; and
-soft--you’re soft, Bee, but you’re not strong. You’ve got a soft little
-hand, hasn’t she, Moulsey? Poor little thing! And to think one doesn’t
-know what she may have to do with it before she is like me.”
-
-“She’ll have no more to do with it, ma’am, than a lady should, no more
-than you’ve had. But you must be quiet, dear lady, and try and go to
-sleep.”
-
-“I might never have such a good chance of talking to her again. The
-middle of the night and nobody here--her father not even in the house.
-Bee, you must try never to begin being ill in any silly way, feeling not
-strong and that sort of foolish thing, and say out what you think. Don’t
-be frightened. It’s--it’s bad for him as well as for you. He gets to
-think you haven’t any opinion. And then all at once they find out--And,
-perhaps, it’s too late--.”
-
-“Mamma, you’re not very ill? Oh, no; you’re looking so beautiful, and
-you talk just as you always did.”
-
-“She says am I very ill, Moulsey? Poor little Bee! I feel a great deal
-better. I had surely a nice sleep. But why should the doctor be here,
-and you made to sit up, you poor little thing. Moulsey, why is the
-doctor here?”
-
-“I never said, ma’am, as he was here. He’s coming round first thing in
-the morning. He’s anxious--because the Colonel’s away.”
-
-“Ah! you think I don’t know. I’m not so very bad; but he thinks--he
-thinks--perhaps I might die, Bee.”
-
-“Mamma, mamma!”
-
-“Don’t be frightened,” said Mrs. Kingsward, drawing the girl close to
-her. “That’s a secret; he doesn’t think I know. It would be a curious,
-curious thing, when people think you are only ill to go and die. It
-would surprise them so. And so strange altogether--instead of worries,
-you know, every day, to be all by yourself, lying so easy and the angels
-carrying you. No trouble at all then to think whether he would be
-pleased--or anything; giving yourself to be carried like that, like a
-little child.”
-
-“But mamma,” cried Bee, “you could not, would not leave us--you
-wouldn’t, would you, mamma?--all the children, and me; and I with nobody
-else, no one to care for me. You couldn’t, mother, leave us; you
-wouldn’t! Say you wouldn’t! Oh! Moulsey! Moulsey! look how far away she
-is looking, as if she didn’t see you and me!”
-
-“You forget, Bee,” said Mrs. Kingsward, “How easy it looked for that
-saint in the picture. I always liked to watch the birds floating down
-on the wind, never moving their wings. That’s what seems no trouble, so
-easy; not too hot nor too cold, nor tiring, neither to the breath nor
-anything. I shouldn’t like to leave you. No--But then:” she added, with
-a smile, “I should not require to leave you. I’d--I’d--What was I
-saying? Moulsey, will you please give me some--more--”
-
-She held out her hand again for the glass which Moulsey had just put
-down.
-
-“It makes me strong--it makes me speak. I’m--sinking away again, Bee.
-Hold me--hold me tight. If I was to slip away--down--down--down to the
-cellars or somewhere.” The feeble laugh was dreadful for the listeners
-to hear.
-
-“Run,” cried Moulsey, in Bee’s ear, “the doctor--the doctor! in the
-library.”
-
-And then there was a strange phantasmagoria that seemed to fill the
-night, one scene melting into another. The doctor rousing from his doze,
-his measured step coming back; the little struggle round the bed;
-Moulsey giving place to the still darker shadow; the glow of Mrs.
-Kingsward’s flushed and feverish countenance between; then the quiet,
-and then again sleep--sleep broken by feeble movements, by the quick
-panting of the breath.
-
-“She’ll be easier now,” the doctor said. “You must go to bed, my dear
-young lady. Moulsey can manage for the rest of the night.”
-
-“Doctor,” said Bee, with something in her throat that stopped the words,
-“doctor--will she--must she? Oh, doctor, say that is not what it means?
-One of us, it would not matter, but mother--mother!”
-
-“It is not in our hands,” the doctor said. “It is not much we can do.
-Don’t look at me as if I were God. It is little, little I can do.”
-
-“They say,” cried poor Bee, “that you can do anything. It is when there
-is no doctor, no nurse that people---- Oh, my mother--my mother! Doctor,
-don’t let it be.”
-
-“You are but a child,” said the doctor, patting her kindly on the
-shoulder, “you’ve not forgotten how to say your prayers. That’s the
-only thing for you to do. Those that say such things of doctors know
-very little. We stand and look on. Say your prayers, little girl--if
-they do her no good, they’ll do you good. And now she’ll have a little
-sleep.”
-
-Bee caught him by the arm. “Sleep,” she said, looking at him
-suspiciously. “Sleep?”
-
-“Yes, sleep--that may give her strength for another day. Oh, ask no
-more, child. Life is not mine to give.”
-
-What a night! Out of doors it was moonlight as serene as heaven--the
-moon departing in the west, and another faint light that was day coming
-on the other side, and the first birds beginning to stir in the
-branches; but not even baby moving in the house. All fast asleep, safe
-as if trouble never was, as if death could not be. Bee went upstairs to
-her chill, white room, where the white bed, unoccupied, looked to her
-like death itself--all cold, dreadful, full of suggestion. Bee’s heart
-was more heavy than could be told. She had nothing to fall back upon, no
-secret strength to uphold her. She had forgotten how wretched she had
-been, but she felt it, nevertheless, behind the present anguish.
-Nevertheless, she was only nineteen, and when she flung herself down to
-cry upon her white pillow--only to cry, to get her passion
-out--beneficent nature took hold of the girl and made her sleep. She did
-not wake for hours. Was it beneficent? For when she was roused by the
-opening of the door and sat up in her bed, and found herself still
-dressed in her evening frock, with her little necklace round her throat,
-there pressed back upon Bee such a flood of misery and trouble as she
-thought did not exist in the world.
-
-“Miss Bee, Miss Bee! Master’s come home. He’s been travelling all
-night--and I dare not disturb Mrs. Moulsey in Missis’s room; and he
-wants to see you this minit, please. Oh, come, come, quick, and don’t
-keep the Colonel waiting,” the woman said.
-
-Half awakened, but wholly miserable, Bee sprang up and rushed downstairs
-to her father. He came forward to meet her at the door, frowning and
-pale.
-
-“What is this I hear?” he said. “What have you been doing to upset your
-mother? She was well enough when I went away. What have you been doing
-to your mother? You children are the plague of our lives!”
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XIX.
-
-
-THE week passed in the sombre hurry yet tedium of a house lying under
-the shadow of death--that period during which when it is night we long
-for morning, and when it is morning we long for night, hoping always for
-the hope that never comes, trembling to mark the progress which does go
-on silently towards the end.
-
-Colonel Kingsward was rough and angry with Bee that first morning, to
-her consternation and dismay. She had never been the object of her
-father’s anger before, and this hasty and imperious questioning seemed
-to take all power of reply out of her. “What had she been doing to her
-mother?” She! to her mother! Bee was too much frightened by his
-threatening look, the cloud on his face, the fire in his eyes, to say
-anything. Her mind ran hurriedly over all that had happened, and that
-last terrible visit, which had changed the whole aspect of the earth to
-herself. But it was to herself that this stroke of misfortune had come,
-and not to her mother. A gleam of answering anger came into Bee’s eyes,
-sombre with the unhappiness which had been pushed aside by more
-immediate suffering, yet was still there like a black background, to
-frame whatever other miseries might come after. As for Colonel
-Kingsward, it was to him, as to so many men, a relief to blame somebody
-for the trouble which was unbearable. The blow was approaching which he
-had never allowed himself to believe in. He had blamed his wife
-instinctively, involuntarily, at the first hearing of every
-inconvenience in life; and it had helped to accustom him to the
-annoyance to think that it was her fault. He had done so in what he
-called this unfortunate business of Bee’s, concluding that but for Mrs.
-Kingsward’s weakness, Mr. Aubrey Leigh and his affairs would never have
-become of any importance to the family. He had blamed her, too, and
-greatly, for that weakening of health which he had so persistently
-endeavoured to convince himself did not mean half so much as the doctors
-said. Women are so idiotic in these respects. They will insist on
-wearing muslin and lace when they ought to wear flannel. They will put
-on evening dresses when they ought to be clothed warmly to the throat,
-and shoes made of paper when they ought to be solidly and stoutly shod,
-quite indifferent to the trouble and anxiety they may cause to their
-family. And now that Mrs. Kingsward’s state had got beyond the
-possibility of reproach, he turned upon his daughter. It must be her
-fault. Her mother had been better or he should not have left her. The
-quiet of the country was doing her good; if she had not been agitated
-all would have been well. But Bee, with all her declarations of devotion
-to her mother; Bee, the eldest, who ought to have had some sense; Bee
-had brought on this trumpery love business to overset the delicate
-equilibrium which he himself, a man with affairs so much more important
-in hand, had refrained from disturbing. It did him a little good,
-unhappy and anxious as he was, to pour out his wrath upon Bee. And she
-did not reply. She did not shed tears, as her mother had weakly done in
-similar circumstances, or attempt excuses. Even if he had been
-sufficiently at leisure to note it, an answering fire awoke in Bee’s
-eyes. He had not leisure to note, but he perceived it all the same.
-
-Presently, however, every faculty, every thought, became absorbed in
-that sick chamber; things had still to be thought of outside of it, but
-they seemed strange, artificial things, having no connection with life.
-Then Charlie was summoned from Oxford, and the younger boys from school,
-which increased the strange commotion of the house, adding that restless
-element of young life which had no place there, nothing to do with
-itself, and which roused an almost frenzied irritation in Colonel
-Kingsward when he saw any attempt on the part of the poor boys to amuse
-themselves, or resume their usual occupations. “Clods!” he said; “young
-brutes! They would play tennis if the world were falling to pieces.” And
-again that glance of fire came into Bee’s eyes, marked unconsciously,
-though he did not know he had seen it, by her father. The boys hung
-about her when she stole out for a little air, one at each arm. “How is
-mother, Bee? She’s no worse? Don’t you think we might go over to
-Hillside for that tournament? Don’t you think Fred might play in the
-parish match with Siddemore? They’re so badly off for bowlers. Don’t you
-think----”
-
-“Oh, I think it would be much better for you to be doing something,
-boys; but, then, papa might hear, and he would be angry. If we could but
-keep it from papa.”
-
-“We’re doing mother no good,” said Fred.
-
-“How could we do mother good? Why did the governor send for us, Bee,
-only to kick our heels here, and get into mischief? A fellow can’t help
-getting into mischief when he has nothing to do.”
-
-“Yes,” repeated Fred, “what did he send for us for? I wish mother was
-better. I suppose as soon as she’s better we’ll be packed off again.”
-
-They were big boys, but they did not understand the possibility of their
-mother not getting better, and, indeed, neither did Bee. When morning
-followed morning and nothing happened, it seemed to her that getting
-better was the only conclusion to be looked for. If it had been Death
-that was coming, surely it must have come by this time. Her hopes rose
-with every new day.
-
-But Mrs. Kingsward had been greatly agitated by the sight of Charlie
-when he was allowed to see her. “Why has Charlie come home?” she said.
-“Was he sent for? Was it your father that brought him? Charlie, my dear,
-what are you doing here? Why have you come back? You should have been
-going on with---- Did your father send for you? Why--why did your father
-send for you, my boy?”
-
-“I thought,” said Charlie, quite unmanned by the sight of her, and by
-this unexpected question, and by all he had been told about her state,
-“I thought--you wanted to see me, mother.”
-
-“I always like to see you--but not to take you away from---- And why
-was he sent for, Moulsey? Does the doctor think?--does my husband
-think?----”
-
-Her feverish colour grew brighter and brighter. Her eyes shone with a
-burning eagerness. She put her hot hand upon that of her son. “Was it to
-say good-bye to me?” she said, with a strange flutter of a smile.
-
-At the same time an argument on the same subject was going on between
-the doctor and the Colonel.
-
-“What can the children do in a sick room? Keep them away. I should never
-have sent for them if you had consulted me. It is bad enough to have let
-her see Charlie, summoned express--do you want to frighten your wife to
-death?”
-
-“There can be no question,” said the Colonel, “if what you tell me is
-true, of frightening her to death. I think, Benson, that a patient in
-such circumstances ought to know. She ought to be told----”
-
-“What?” the doctor said, sharply, with a harsh tone in his voice.
-
-“What? Do you need to ask? Of her state--of what is imminent--that she
-is going to----”
-
-Colonel Kingsward loved his wife truly, and he could not say those last
-words.
-
-“Yes,” said the doctor, “going to----? Well, we hope it’s to One who has
-called her, that knows all about it, Kingsward. Doctors are not supposed
-to take that view much, but I do. I’d tell her nothing of the sort. I
-would not agitate her either with the sight of the children or those
-heathenish thoughts about dying. Well, I suppose you’ll take your own
-way, if you think she’s in danger of damnation; but you see I don’t. I
-think where she’s going she’ll find more consideration and more
-understanding than ever she got here.”
-
-“You are all infidels--every one of you,” said Colonel Kingsward; “you
-would let a soul rush unprepared into the presence of--”
-
-“Her Father,” said Doctor Benson. “So I would; if he’s her Father he’ll
-take care of that. And if he’s only a Judge, you know, a Judge is an
-extraordinarily considerate person. He leaves no means untried of coming
-to a right decision. I would rather trust my case in the hands of the
-Bench than make up my own little plea any day. And, anyhow you can put
-it, the Supreme Judge must be better than the best Bench that ever was.
-Leave her alone. She’s safer with Him than either with you or me.”
-
-“It’s an argument I never would pardon--in my own case. I shudder at the
-thought of being plunged into eternity without the time to--to
-think--to--to prepare----”
-
-“But if your preparations are all seen through from the beginning? If
-it’s just as well known then, or better, what you are thinking, or
-trying to think, to make yourself ready for that event? You knew
-yourself, more or less, didn’t you, when you were in active service, the
-excuses a wretched private would make when he was hauled up, and how he
-would try to make the worse appear the better cause. Were you moved by
-that, Colonel Kingsward? Didn’t you know the man, and judge him by what
-you knew?”
-
-“It seems to me a very undignified argument; there’s no analogy between
-a wretched private and my--and my--and one of us--at the Judgment Seat.”
-
-“No--it’s more like one of your boys making up the defence--when brought
-before you--and the poor boy would need it too,” Dr. Benson added
-within himself. But naturally he made no impression with his argument,
-whether it was good or bad, upon his hearer. Colonel Kingsward was in
-reality a very unhappy man. He had nobody to blame for the dreadful
-misfortune which was threatening him except God, for whom he entertained
-only a great terror as of an overwhelming tyrannical Power ready to
-catch him at any moment when he neglected the observances or rites
-necessary to appease it. He was very particular in these
-observances--going to church, keeping up family prayers, contributing
-his proper and carefully calculated proportion to the charities, &c.
-Nobody could say of him that he was careless or negligent. And now how
-badly was his devotion repaid!--by the tearing away from him of the
-companion of his life. But he felt that there was still much more that
-the awful Master of the Universe might inflict, perhaps upon her if she
-was not prepared to meet her God. He was wretched till he had told her,
-warned her, till she had fulfilled everything that was necessary, seen
-a clergyman, and got herself into the state of mind becoming a dying
-person. He had collected all the children that she might take leave of
-them in a becoming way. He had, so far as he knew, thought of everything
-to make her exit from the world a right one in all the forms--and now to
-be told that he was not to agitate her, that the God whom he wished to
-prepare her to meet knew more of her and understood her better than he
-did! Agitate her! When the alternative might be unspeakable miseries of
-punishment, instead of the acquittal which would have to be given to a
-soul properly prepared. These arguments did not in the least change his
-purpose, but they fretted and irritated him beyond measure. At the
-bottom of all, the idea that anybody should know better than he what was
-the right thing for his own wife was an intolerable thought.
-
-He went in and out of her room with that irritated, though
-self-controlled look, which she knew so well. He had never shown it to
-the world, and when he had demanded of her in his angry way why this was
-and that, and how on earth such and such things had happened, Mrs.
-Kingsward had till lately taken it so sweetly that he had not himself
-suspected how heavy it was upon her. And when she had begun to show
-signs of being unable to bear the responsibility of everything in earth
-and heaven, the Colonel had felt himself an injured man. There were
-signs that he might eventually throw that responsibility on Bee. But in
-the meantime he had nobody to blame, as has been said, and the burden of
-irritation and disturbance was heavy upon him.
-
-The next morning after his talk with Dr. Brown he came in with that
-clouded brow to find Charlie by her bedside. The Colonel came up and
-stood looking at the face on the pillow, now wan in the reaction of the
-fever, and utterly weak, but still smiling at his approach.
-
-“I have been telling Charlie,” she said, in her faint voice, “that he
-must go back to his college. Why should he waste his time here?”
-
-“He will not go back yet,” said Colonel Kingsward; “are you feeling a
-little better this morning, my dear?”
-
-“Oh, not to call ill at all,” said the sufferer. “Weak--a sort of
-sinking, floating away. I take hold of somebody’s hand to keep me from
-falling through. Isn’t it ridiculous?” she said, after a little pause.
-
-“Your weakness is very great,” said the husband, almost sternly.
-
-“Oh, no, Edward. It’s more silly than anything--when I am not really
-ill, you know. I’ve got Charlie’s hand here under the counterpane,” she
-said again, with her faint little laugh.
-
-“You won’t always have Charlie’s hand, or anyone’s hand, Lucy.”
-
-She looked at him with a little anxiety.
-
-“No, no. I’ll get stronger, perhaps, Edward.”
-
-“Do you feel as if you were at all stronger, my dear?”
-
-She loosed her son’s hand, giving him a little troubled smile. “Go away
-now, Charlie dear. I don’t believe you’ve had your breakfast. I want to
-speak to--papa.” Then she waited, looking wistfully in her husband’s
-face till the door had closed. “You have something to say to me, Edward.
-Oh, what is it? Nothing has happened to anyone?”
-
-“No, nothing has happened,” he said. He turned away and walked to the
-window, then came back again, turning his head half-way from her as he
-spoke. “It is only that you are, my poor darling--weaker every day.”
-
-“Does the doctor think so?” she said, with a little eagerness, with a
-faint suffusion of colour in her face.
-
-He did not say anything--could not perhaps--but slightly moved his head.
-
-“Weaker every day, and that means, Edward!” She put out her thin, hot
-hands. “That means----”
-
-The man could not say anything. He could do his duty grimly, but when
-the moment came he could not put it into words. He sank down on the
-chair Charlie had left, and put down his face on the pillow, his large
-frame shaken by sobs which he could not restrain.
-
-These sobs made Mrs. Kingsward forget the meaning of this communication
-altogether. She put her hands upon him trying to raise his head.
-“Edward! Oh, don’t cry, don’t cry! I have never seen you cry in all my
-life. Edward, for goodness’ sake! You will kill me if you go on sobbing
-like that. Oh, Edward, Edward, I never saw you cry before.”
-
-Moulsey had darted forward from some shadowy corner where she was and
-gripped him by the arm.
-
-“Stop, sir--stop it,” she cried, in an authoritative whisper, “or you’ll
-kill her.”
-
-He flung Moulsey off and raised his head a little from the pillow.
-
-“You have never seen me with any such occasion before,” he said, taking
-her hands into his and kissing them repeatedly.
-
-He was not a man of many caresses, and her heart was touched with a
-feeble sense of pleasure.
-
-“Dear!” she said softly, “dear!” feebly drawing a little nearer to him
-to put her cheek against his.
-
-Colonel Kingsward looked up as soon as he was able and saw her lying
-smiling at him, her hand in his, her eyes full of that wonderful liquid
-light which belongs to great weakness. The small worn face was all
-illuminated with smiles; it was like the face of a child--or perhaps an
-angel. He looked at first with awe, then with doubt and alarm. Had he
-failed after all in the commission which he had executed at so much cost
-to himself, and against the doctor’s orders? He had been afraid for the
-moment of the sight of her despair--and now he was frightened by her
-look of ease, the absence of all perturbations. Had she not understood
-him? Would it have to be told again, more severely, more distinctly,
-this dreadful news?
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XX.
-
-
-MRS. KINGSWARD said nothing of the communication her husband had made to
-her. Did she understand it? He went about heavily all day, pondering the
-matter, going and coming to her room, trying in vain to make out what
-was in her mind. But he could not divine what was in that mind, hidden
-from him in those veils of individual existence which never seemed to
-him to have been so baffling before. In the afternoon she had heard,
-somehow, the voices of the elder boys, and had asked if they were there,
-and had sent for them. The two big fellows, with the mud on their boots
-and the scent of the fresh air about them, stood huddled together,
-speechless with awe and grief, by the bedside, when their father came
-in. They did not know what to say to their mother in such circumstances.
-They had never talked to her about herself, but always about themselves;
-and now they were entirely at a loss after they had said, “How are you,
-mamma? Are you very bad, mamma? Oh, I’m so sorry;” and “Oh, I wish you
-were better.” What could boys of twelve and fourteen say? For the moment
-they felt as if their hearts were broken; but they did not want to stay
-there; they had nothing to say to her. Their pang of sudden trouble was
-confused with shyness and awkwardness, and their consciousness that she
-was altogether in another atmosphere and another world. Mrs. Kingsward
-was not a clever woman, but she understood miraculously what was in
-those inarticulate young souls. She kissed them both, drawing each close
-to her for a moment, and then bade them run away. “Were you having a
-good game?” she said, with that ineffable, feeble smile. “Go and finish
-it, my darlings.” And they stumbled out very awkwardly, startled to meet
-their father’s look as they turned round, and greatly disturbed and
-mystified altogether, though consoled somehow by their mother’s look.
-
-They said to each other after a while that she looked “jolly bad,” but
-that she was in such good spirits it must be all right.
-
-Their father was as much mystified as they; but he was troubled in
-conscience, as if he had not spoken plainly enough, had not made it
-clear enough what “her state” was. She had not asked for the
-clergyman--she had not asked for anything. Was it necessary that he
-should speak again? There was one thing she had near her, but that so
-fantastic a thing!--a photograph--one of the quantities of such rubbish
-the girls and she had brought home--a woman wrapped in a mantle floating
-in the air.
-
-“Take that thing away,” he said to Moulsey. It irritated him to see a
-frivolous thing like that--a twopenny-halfpenny photograph--so near his
-wife’s bed.
-
-“Don’t take it away,” she said, in the whisper to which her voice had
-sunk; “it gives me such pleasure.”
-
-“Pleasure!” he cried; even to speak of pleasure was wrong at such a
-moment. And then he added, “Would you like me to read to you? Would you
-like to see--anyone?”
-
-“To see anyone? Whom should I wish to see but you, Edward, and the
-children?”
-
-“We haven’t been--so religious, my dear, as perhaps we ought,” stammered
-the anxious man. “If I sent for--Mr. Baldwin perhaps, to read the
-prayers for the sick and--and talk to you a little?”
-
-She looked at him with some wonder for a moment, and then she said, with
-a smile, “Yes, yes; by all means, Edward, if you like it.”
-
-“I shall certainly like it, my dearest; and it is right--it is what we
-should all wish to do at the----” He could not say at the last--he could
-not say when we are dying--it was too much for him; but certainly she
-must understand now. And he went away hurriedly to call the clergyman,
-that no more time might be lost.
-
-“Moulsey,” said Mrs. Kingsward, “have we come then quite--to the end
-now?”
-
-“Oh, ma’am! Oh, my dear lady!” Moulsey said.
-
-“My husband--seems to think so. It is a little hard--to leave them all.
-Where is Bee?”
-
-“I am here, mamma,” said a broken voice; and the mother’s hand was
-caught and held tight, as she liked it to be. “May Betty come too?”
-
-“Yes, let Betty come. It is you I want, not Mr. Baldwin.”
-
-“Mr. Baldwin is a good man, ma’am. He’ll be a comfort to them and to the
-Colonel.”
-
-“Yes, I suppose so; he will be a comfort to--your father. But I don’t
-want anyone. I haven’t done very much harm----”
-
-“No! oh, no, ma’am, none!” said Moulsey, while Betty, thrown on her
-knees by the bedside, tried to smother her sobs; and Bee, worn out and
-feeling as if she felt nothing, sat and held her mother’s hand.
-
-“But, then,” she said, “I’ve never, never, done any good.”
-
-“Oh! my dear lady, my dear lady! And all the poor people, and all the
-children.”
-
-“Hush! Moulsey. I never gave anything--not a bit of bread, not a
-shilling--but because I liked to do it. Never! oh, never from any good
-motive. I always liked to do it. It was my pleasure. It never cost me
-anything. I have done no good in my life. I just liked the poor
-children, that was all, and thought if they were my own---- Oh, Bee and
-Betty, try to be better women--different from me.”
-
-Betty, who was so young, crept nearer and nearer on her knees, till she
-came to the head of the bed. She lifted up her tear-stained face,
-“Mother! oh, mother! are you frightened?” she cried.
-
-Mrs. Kingsward put forth her other arm and put it freely round the
-weeping girl. “Perhaps I ought to be, perhaps I ought to be!” she said,
-with a little thrill and quaver.
-
-“Mother,” said Betty, pushing closer and closer, almost pushing Bee
-away, “if I had been wicked, ever so wicked, I shouldn’t be frightened
-for you.”
-
-A heavenly smile came over the woman’s face. “I should think not,
-indeed.”
-
-And then Betty, in the silence of the room, put her hands together and
-said very softly, “Our Father, which art in Heaven--”
-
-“Oh, children, children,” cried Moulsey, “don’t break our hearts! She’s
-too weak to bear it. Leave her alone.”
-
-“Yes, go away, children dear--go away. I have to rest--to see Mr.
-Baldwin.” Then she smiled, and said in gasps, “To tell the
-truth--I’m--I’m not afraid; look--” She pointed to the picture by her
-bedside. “So easy--so easy! Just resting--and the Saviour will put out
-his hand and take me in.”
-
-Mr. Baldwin came soon after--the good Rector, who was a good man, but
-who believed he had the keys, and that what he bound on earth was bound
-in Heaven--or, at least, he thought he believed so--with Colonel
-Kingsward, who felt that he was thus fulfilling all righteousness, and
-that this was the proper way in which to approach the everlasting doors.
-He put away the little picture in which Catherine of Siena lay in the
-hold of the angels, in the perfect peace of life accomplished, the rest
-that was so easy and so sweet--hastily with displeasure and contempt. He
-did not wish the Rector to see the childish thing in which his wife had
-taken pleasure, nor even that she had been taking pleasure at all at
-such a solemn moment; even that she should smile the same smile of
-welcome with which she would have greeted her kind neighbour had she
-been in her usual place in the drawing-room disturbed her husband. So
-near death and yet able to think of that! He watched her face as the
-Rector read the usual prayers. Did she enter into them--did she
-understand them? He could scarcely join in them himself in his anxiety
-to make sure that she felt and knew what was her “state,” and was
-preparing--preparing to meet her God. That God was awaiting severely the
-appearance of that soul before him, the Colonel could not but feel. He
-would not have said so in words, but the instinctive conviction in his
-heart was so. When she looked round for the little picture it hurt him
-like a sting. Oh, if she would but think of the things that concerned
-her peace--not of follies, childish distractions, amusements for the
-fancy. On her side, the poor lady was conscious more or less of all that
-was going on, understood here and there the prayers that were going over
-her head, prayers of others for her, rather than anything to be said by
-herself. In the midst of them, she felt herself already like St.
-Catherine, floating away into ineffable peace, then coming back again to
-hear the sacred words, to see the little circle round her on their
-knees, and to smile upon them in an utter calm of weakness without pain,
-feeling only that they were good to her, thinking of her, which was
-sweet, but knowing little more.
-
-It was the most serene and cloudless night after that terrible day. A
-little after Colonel Kingsward had left the room finally and shut
-himself up in his study, Moulsey took the two girls out into the garden,
-through a window which opened upon it. “Children, go and breathe the
-sweet air. I’ll not have you in a room to break your hearts. Look up
-yonder--yonder where she’s gone,” said the kind nurse who had done
-everything for their mother. And they stole out--the two little ghosts,
-overborne with the dreadful burden of humanity, the burden which none of
-us can shake off, and crept across the grass to the seat where she had
-been used to sit among the children. The night was peace itself--not a
-breath stirring, a young moon with something wistful in her light
-looking down, making the garden bright as with a softened ethereal day.
-A line of white cloud dimly detached from the softness of the blue lay
-far off towards the west amid the radiance, a long faint line as of
-something in the far distance. Bee and Betty stood and gazed at it with
-eyes and hearts over-charged, each leaning upon the other. Their young
-souls were touched with awe and an awful quiet. They were too near the
-departure to have fallen down as yet into the vacancy and emptiness of
-re-awakening life. “Oh,” they said, “if that should be her!” And why
-should it not be? Unless perhaps there was a quicker way. They watched
-it with that sob in the throat which is of all sounds and sensations the
-most overwhelming. It seemed to them as if they were watching her a
-little further on her way, to the very horizon, till the soft distance
-closed over, and that speck like a sail upon the sea could be seen no
-more. And when it was gone they sank down together upon her seat, under
-the trees she loved, where the children had played and tumbled on the
-grass about her, and talked of her in broken words, a little phrase now
-and then, sometimes only “Mother,” or “Oh, mamma, mamma,” now from one,
-now from another--in that first extraordinary exaltation and anguish
-which is not yet grief.
-
-They did not know how long they had been there when something stirred in
-the bushes, and the two big boys, Arthur and Fred, came heavily into
-sight, holding each other by the arm. The boys were bewildered, heavy
-and miserable, not knowing what to do with themselves nor where to go.
-But they came up with a purpose, which was a little ease in the trouble.
-It cost them a little convulsion of reluctant crying before they could
-get out what they had to say. Then it came out in broken words from both
-together. “Bee, there’s someone wants to speak to you at the gate.”
-
-“Oh! who could want to speak to me--to-night? I cannot speak to anyone;
-you might have known.”
-
-“Bee,” said Arthur, the eldest, “it isn’t just--anyone; it’s--we thought
-you would perhaps--”
-
-“He told us,” said Fred, “who he was; and begged so hard--”
-
-Then there came back upon poor Bee all the other trouble that she had
-pushed away from her. Her heart seemed to grow hard and cold after all
-the softening and tenderness of this dreadful yet heavenly hour. “I will
-see no one--no one,” she said.
-
-“Bee,” said the boys, “we shut the gate upon him; but he took hold of
-our hands, and--and cried, too.” They had to stop and swallow the sob
-before either could say any more. “He said she was his best friend. He
-said he couldn’t bear it no more than us. And if you would only speak to
-him.”
-
-Bee got up from her mother’s seat; her poor little heart swelled in her
-bosom as if it would burst. Oh! how was she to bear all this--to bear it
-all--to have no one to help her! “No, no, I will not. I will not!” she
-said.
-
-“Oh, Bee,” cried Betty, “if it is Aubrey--poor Aubrey! She was fond of
-him. She would not like him to be left out. Oh, Bee, come; come and
-speak to him. Suppose one of us were alone, with nobody to say mother’s
-name to!”
-
-“No, I will not,” said Bee. “Oh! Betty, mother knows why; she knows.”
-
-“What does she know?” cried Betty, pleading. “She was fond of him. I am
-fond of him, without thinking of you, for mother’s sake.”
-
-“Oh, let me go! I am going in; I am going to her. I wish, I wish she had
-taken me with her! No, no, no! I will never see him more.”
-
-“I think,” said Betty to the boys, pushing them away, “that she is not
-quite herself. Tell him she’s not herself. Say she’s not able to speak
-to anyone, and we can’t move her. And--and give poor Aubrey--oh, poor
-Aubrey!--my love.”
-
-The boys turned away on their mission, crossing the gravel path with a
-commotion of their heavy feet which seemed to fill the air with echoes.
-
-Colonel Kingsward heard it from his study, though that was closed up
-from any influence outside. He opened his window and came out, standing
-a black figure surrounded by the moonlight. “Who is there?” he said.
-“Are there any of you so lost to all feeling as to be out in the
-garden, of all nights in the world on this night?”
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XXI.
-
-
-AUBREY LEIGH had been living a troubled life during the time which had
-elapsed since the swallowing up in the country of the family in which he
-had become so suddenly interested, of which, for a short time, he had felt
-himself a member, and from which, as he felt, he could never be
-separated, whatever arbitrary laws might be made by its head. When they
-disappeared from London, which was done so suddenly, he was much cast
-down for the moment, but, as he had the fullest faith in Bee, and was
-sustained by her independence of character and determined to stand by
-him whatever happened, he was, though anxious and full of agitation,
-neither despairing nor even in very low spirits. To be sure there were
-moments in which his heart sank, recalling the blank countenance of the
-father, and the too gentle and yielding disposition of the mother, and
-Bee’s extreme youth and habits of obedience to both. He felt how much
-there was to be said against himself--a man who had been forced into
-circumstances of danger which nobody but himself could fully understand,
-and against which his whole being had revolted, though he could say but
-little on the subject. And, indeed, who was to understand that a man
-might yield to a sudden temptation which he despised and hated, and that
-he could not even explain that this was so, laying the blackest blame
-upon another--to a man, and still less to a woman; which last was
-impossible, and not even to be thought of. He might tell it, perhaps, to
-his mother, and there was a possibility of help there; though even there
-a hundred difficulties existed. But he was not wound up to that last
-appeal, and he felt, at first, but little fear of the eventual result He
-was assured of Bee’s faithfulness, and how could any parent stand out
-against Bee? Not even, he tried to persuade himself, the stern Colonel,
-who had so crushed himself. And she had received his first letters, and
-had answered them, professing her determination never to be coerced in
-this respect.
-
-He was agitated, his life was full of excitement, and speculation, and
-trouble. But this is nothing dreadful in a young man’s life. It was
-perhaps better, more enlivening, more vivid, than the delights of an
-undisturbed love-making, followed by a triumphant marriage. It is well
-sometimes that the course of true love should not run smooth. He thought
-himself unhappy in being separated from Bee; but the keen delight of her
-determination to stand by him for good or evil, her faith in him, her
-championship, and the conviction that this being so all must come right
-in the end, was like a stream of bright fresh water flowing through the
-somewhat sombre flat of his existence. It had been very sombre in the
-early days of what people thought his youthful happiness--very flat,
-monotonous, yet with ignoble contentions in it. Bee’s sunshiny nature,
-full of lights and shadows, had changed the whole landscape, and now
-the excitement of this struggle for her, changed it still more. It might
-be a hard battle, but they would win in the end. Whether he, a somewhat
-unlucky fellow, would have done so was very doubtful--but for her the
-stars would fight in their courses. Everything would be overturned in
-the world, rather than that Bee should be made miserable, and since she
-had set her dear heart on him, on his behalf too the very elements would
-fight, for how otherwise could Bee be made happy? The argument was
-without a flaw.
-
-This was his reasoning, never put, I need not say, into any formula of
-words, yet vaguely believed in, and forming a source of the brightest
-exhilaration in his life, rousing all combative influences by the power
-of that hope of success which was a certainty in such a case. This
-exhilaration was crossed by the blackest of disappointments, and
-threatened to become despair when for days he had no sign of existence
-from Bee: but that after all was only a keener excitement--the sting of
-anxiety which makes after satisfaction more sweet. And then he was
-consoled to hear of Mrs. Kingsward’s illness, which explained
-everything. Not that Aubrey was selfish enough to rejoice in that poor
-lady’s suffering. He would have been shocked and horrified by the
-thought. But then it was no unusual thing for Mrs. Kingsward to be ill;
-it is not unusual, a young man so easily thinks, for any middle-aged
-person to be ill--and in so many cases it does not seem to do them much
-harm; whereas it did him much good--for it explained the silence of Bee!
-
-And then it came to Aubrey’s ears that Mrs. Kingsward was very
-ill--worse than she had ever been before; and then that all the family
-had been summoned that she was dying. Such rumours spread like
-wildfire--they get into the air--nobody knows how they come. He went
-down to the village nearest Kingswarden, and found a lodging there, when
-this news reached him, and endeavoured to send a note to Bee, to let her
-know he was at hand. But in the trouble of the house this note, sent by
-a private hand--always in these days an unsafe method--was somehow lost
-and never reached her. He hung about the house in the evenings,
-avoiding on various occasions an encounter with Charlie, who was not
-friendly, and with the Colonel, who was his enemy. These two were the
-only members of the family visible outside the gates of
-Kingswarden--until he managed to identify the two boys, whose
-disconsolate wanderings about pointed them out to him, and who did not
-know, therefore had no hostility or suspicion of the stranger who
-inquired after their mother so anxiously. Everybody inquired after their
-mother. It was nothing strange to them to be stopped on the road with
-this question. It was thus at last, hearing the final blow had fallen,
-Aubrey had ventured to send a message, to ask for a word from Bee. The
-thought of what the girl must be suffering in her first grief, and to
-feel himself so near her--almost within hearing--yet altogether shut
-out, was more than he could bear. He pushed in within the gate, into the
-shelter of the shrubbery, and there he stopped short, bound by invisible
-restraints. It was the home of his love, and yet it was the house of his
-enemy. He could not take advantage of the darkness of the night and of
-the misery of the moment to violate the sanctuary of a man soul-stricken
-by such trouble. But from where he stood he could see the little group
-of shadows under the tree. And how could he go away and not say a word
-to her--not take her in his arms, tell her his heart was with her, and
-that he was a mourner too? “Ask Bee to speak to me. Ask her to speak to
-me--only for a moment. I am Aubrey Leigh,” he said to the two brothers,
-taking an arm of each, imploring them. The boys did not know much about
-Aubrey Leigh, but still they had heard the name. And they were overawed
-by his earnestness; the sound of his voice which, full of passion and
-feeling as it was, was strange to their undeveloped consciousness. They
-took his message, as we have seen, and then there came a mysterious
-moment which Aubrey could not understand. He could not hear what was
-said, but he was conscious of a resistance, of denial, and that Bee did
-not make a step towards him; that she recoiled rather than advanced.
-Though he could scarcely see anything distinctly, he could see
-that--that there was no impulse towards him, but rather the reverse;
-that Bee did not wish to come. And then the harsh voice of the Colonel
-broke the spell of the quiet, of the mournful, tranquil night, which it
-was so easy for a roused imagination to think was penetrated, too, by
-the sentiment of sorrow and of peace. The Colonel’s voice put every
-gentler vision to flight. “Is it possible that any of you are out here
-in the garden--of all nights in the world on this night?” Oh! the very
-night of all nights to be there--in the first awe and silence, watching
-her pass, as it were, to the very gates of Heaven! Perhaps, it was
-unawares from Bee’s mind that this idea came to his--“to watch her
-ascending, trailing clouds of glory,” as the poet said; but that was the
-spirit coming and not going. These thoughts flew through his mind in the
-shock and irritation of the Colonel’s voice. And then the shadows under
-the tree seemed to fly away and disperse, and silence fell upon all
-around, the great ghostly trees standing up immovable like muffled
-giants in the moonlight, their shadows making lines and heavy clumps of
-blackness on the turf, the late roses showing pale in the distance, the
-garden paths white and desolate. A moment more, and the harsh sound,
-almost angry, of the Colonel’s window shutting, of bolts and bars, and a
-final closing up of everything came unkindly upon the hushed air. And
-then the moonlight reached the shut up house, all unresponsive, with
-death in it, with one faint light burning in the large window upstairs,
-showing where the gentle inmate lay who needed light no more. Strange
-prejudice of humanity that put out all the lights for sleep, but
-surrounds death with them, that no careless spirit may mistake for a
-common chamber the place where that last majesty lies.
-
-Aubrey stood alone in this hushed and silent world. His heart was as
-heavy as a stone, heavy with grief for the friend who had passed for
-ever out of his life. He had not known perhaps till now what he too had
-lost--a friend, who would not have forsaken him not a very strong
-champion to fight for him; but a friend that never, whatever might be
-said, would have refused to hear him, refused to give him her sympathy.
-Had Bee, his own Bee, refused? The young man was bewildered beyond the
-power of thought. Was it his fault to have come too soon? Was it an
-outrage to be there on the night of the mother’s death? But there was no
-outrage in his thoughts, not even any selfishness. It was her he had
-been thinking of, not himself; that she might feel there was someone
-whose thoughts were all hers, who was herself, not another, feeling with
-her, mourning with her, her very own to take the half of her burden. He
-had felt that he could not be far away while Bee was in trouble--that
-even to stand outside would be something, would somehow lighten her
-load, would make her feel in the very air a consciousness of the mighty
-love that would
-
- cleave in twain
- The lading of a single pain
- And part it giving half to him.
-
-His heart, which had so gone out to her, seemed to come back confused,
-with all the life out of it, full of wonder and dismay. Had she rejected
-him and his sympathy? Was it the fault of the others, the boys who did
-not know what to say? Was she angry that he should come so soon? But it
-was now, immediately on the very stroke of the distress, that love
-should come. He stood for a long time silent, bewildered, not knowing
-what to think. Was it possible that she could have misunderstood him,
-have thought that he had come here only to beguile her into his arms, to
-take advantage of an opportunity? It pained poor Aubrey to the heart to
-think that she might have thought so. Ah! Mrs. Kingsward would not have
-done it, would not have let Bee do it. But she lay there, where the
-light was, never to say anything more: and Bee--Bee!
-
-He got out of the little park that surrounded Kingswarden by the stile
-near the village, some time after, he did not know how long. He thought
-it was in the middle of the night. The moon had set, everything was
-dark, and all the cottagers asleep. But time is long to watchers
-unaccustomed to long vigils, and the lights were not out at the small
-inn in the village where he was lodging. He found the master of the
-house and his wife talking at the door in subdued tones, over the event
-of the evening. “She was always a weakly body, but she’ll be sore
-missed,” the woman said. “She kept everything going. The Colonel, he’ll
-not have a servant left as will put up with him in three months. You
-take my word. She kept all straight. Lord, that’s how women mostly
-is--no account as long as they’re living--and then you finds the want o’
-them when they’re gone.”
-
-“Here you are, mister,” said the landlord; “we thought as you was lost.
-It was a fine night, tempting for a walk. But it’s clouding over now.”
-
-“Oh, no, sir, nought of the sort,” said the woman. “My master here, he
-never goes to bed afore the middle of the night, he don’t, and it’s an
-excuse for not getting up in the mornin’. But you’ll have to be early
-to-morrow, Gregg, you take my word, for there’ll be undertakers’ men and
-that sort down from London, and I’ll not be bothered with them, mind you
-that.”
-
-“I suppose you’re right this time,” said the man. “They drinks a deal to
-keep up their spirits, being as it is a kind of depressing trade.”
-
-“If I hear you laugh again like that!--and the missis lying in her
-coffin! Don’t you think, sir, as he’s got no feeling. He puts it off
-like with a laugh not to cry. I was kitchen-maid up there, and he was
-groom in the old days, and many and many’s the kindness she done to me
-and mine. Oh, and such a pretty lady and sweet--and a young family left
-just at the ages that most need a mother’s care.”
-
-“They’re all ages, Molly, if you come to that.”
-
-“Well, and don’t they want a mother’s care at all ages? What would you
-do with my children if I was took, John Gregg? And the Colonel, he’s
-just a helpless man like you are. The only hope is as Miss Bee will turn
-out like her mother. I always thought she favoured Missis, though some
-said it was the Colonel she was like. It’s a dreadful charge for her,
-poor thing, at her age; but if she takes after the Missis there will be
-some hope for them,” the woman said.
-
-“I thought as Miss Bee was going to be married?” said the landlord.
-
-“Oh, that’s all broken off,” she said, “and a good thing too, seeing
-what’s happened, for what could ever little Miss Betty do?”
-
-Aubrey, who had lingered listening, went slowly up the narrow wooden
-stair to his shabby little room as the pair locked the door and put out
-their lights. He heard them carrying on the conversation in the kitchen
-underneath for a few minutes before they, too, in their turn clambered
-upstairs to bed. “Oh, that’s all broken off, and a good thing too.” He
-kept saying these words over and over miserably, as if they had been the
-chorus of some dreadful song of fate.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XXII.
-
-
-AUBREY stayed at the village public-house day after day, hoping for some
-sign or message. He wrote to Bee, this time by the post; but he had no
-better success. Was it only because of her grief that she took no
-notice? Terrible as that grief must be, and rigorous as evidently were
-the rules of the closed-up house, from which no one came forth, even for
-a mouthful of air, it did not seem to him that this was reason enough
-for putting him from her--he who was to share her life, and whose
-sympathy was so full and overflowing. Surely it was the moment when all
-who loved her should gather round her, when she most wanted solace and
-support. It could not be that her heart was so wrapped up in sorrow
-that she should push from her the man who had the best right to share
-her tears--whom her mother approved and liked, whose acceptance she had
-ratified and confirmed. It could not be that. He felt that, had he been
-in the same circumstances, his cry would have been for Bee to stand by
-him, to comfort him. Was she so different, or was she overwhelmed by
-what was before her--the charge of her father’s house, the dreadful
-suggestion that it was to him and the children she should dedicate
-herself henceforward, giving up her own happiness? It seemed to Aubrey,
-after long thinking, that this must be the cause of her silence; the
-burden which surely was not for her young shoulders, which never could
-be intended for her, must have come down upon her, crushing her. She was
-the eldest girl. She must have, like so many girls, an exaggerated sense
-of what was her duty. Her duty! Could anything be more fantastic, more
-impossible? To take her mother’s place--and her mother had been killed
-by it!--to humour the stern father--to take care of the tribe of
-children, to be their nurse, their ruler--everything that a creature of
-nineteen could not, should not be! And for this she would throw aside
-her own life--and him, whose life it was also. He would never, never
-consent to such a sacrifice, he said to himself. Bee was not soft and
-yielding, like their mother. She was a determined little thing. She
-would stand to it, and sacrifice him as she sacrificed herself, unless
-he made a bold stand from the first. No, no, no! Whatever was to be
-done, that must not be done. He would not have it--he must let her know
-from the very first--if it were not that she knew already, and that this
-was the reason why she was silent, feeling that if ever they met she
-could not hold out against him. Poor little Bee! Poor, poor little Bee!
-Her mother dead, and her father so stern; and thinking it her duty--her
-duty, God bless her!--to take all that household upon her little
-shoulders. The tears came into his eyes with a sudden softening. She
-thought it better to keep him at arm’s length, the darling, knowing that
-she never could stand against him, that he would never, never consent;
-the little, sublime, unreasonable girl! The things they took into their
-heads, these inexperienced, generous creatures! But, thank heaven, he
-was here; even though she held him at bay--here, to make all right.
-
-The reader knows that poor Bee was not actuated by such lofty feelings,
-but then Aubrey had no knowledge in his mind of that strange story which
-had destroyed her faith in him. When a man is guilty he knows all that
-can be brought against him, in which, in its way, there is a certain
-advantage. He cannot be taken by surprise. He knows that this or that is
-lying ready like a secret weapon apt to be picked up by any man who may
-wish to do him harm. But the innocent man has not that safeguard. It is
-not likely to occur to him that harmless circumstances may be so twisted
-as to look like guilt. For his own part he had forgotten all about that
-little episode on the railway--or if he remembered it, it was with a
-smile and a glow of momentary pleasure, to think how, with a little
-money--so small a matter--he had been able to make comfort take the
-place of misery to the poor little family, whom perhaps he would never
-have noticed at all had not his thoughts been full of Bee. He had done
-that for her with the feeling with which he might have given her an
-ornament or a basket of flowers; the only drawback to the pleasure of it
-being that he could not tell her off-hand, and get the smile of thanks
-she would give him for it--far more than he deserved, for he liked doing
-it--kindness coming natural to this young man. It was hard on Aubrey in
-the complications of fate that this innocent, nay praiseworthy, incident
-should be made the occasion of his trouble. But he had no suspicion of
-it--forgot the fact, indeed, altogether--and would have laughed at the
-idea that such an accidental occurrence could in any way influence his
-fate.
-
-He went to the funeral, unnoticed in the crowd of people who were
-there--some for love and some for conventional necessity, but almost all
-with a pang of natural sympathy to see the train of children who
-followed their mother to her last rest. The Colonel, rigid in all
-things, had insisted at last, that all, except the very youngest, should
-be there--having wavered for a moment whether it would not be more in
-order that the girls should remain at home, and only the boys be present
-at the melancholy ceremony. To see the little wondering faces
-two-and-two that followed the elder children up the aisle, and were
-installed in the mourners’ places, some of them scarcely tall enough to
-see over the edge of the pew, brought many a gush of tears to
-sympathetic eyes. Bee and Betty, the two inseparable “eldest,”--slim,
-black figures--drooping under the heavy veils that covered them from the
-daylight, almost touched Aubrey with their clinging black garments as
-they passed. Did they see him? He saw, wherever he was, at whatever
-distance, any movement they made. He saw that Bee never raised her head;
-but Betty was younger, and less self-restrained--that she had seen him
-at least he felt sure. And he felt the Colonel’s eyes upon him,
-penetrating the thickest of the crowd. Colonel Kingsward had a glance
-that saw everything. He was a man bereaved, the light of his eyes taken
-from him, and the comfort of his life--and yet he saw everything at his
-wife’s funeral, saw and noted the faces that were dull and tired of the
-tension, and those that were alive with sympathy--making notes for or
-against them in his memory, and, above all, he saw Aubrey Leigh. Charlie
-saw him more accidentally, without any conscious observation, and the
-boys who had cried all they were capable of, and now could not help
-their eyes straying a little, conscious of the spectacle, and of the
-important part they played in it, everybody looking at them. All of them
-saw him, but Bee. Was it only Bee who was so little in sympathy with him
-that she did not know he must be there?
-
-He went back to his lodging a little angry through his emotion. It was
-too much. Even in the interval between her mother’s death and funeral he
-felt that a girl who loved him should not be so obdurate as that, and he
-listened with a very sombre face to all the landlady’s discussion of the
-proceedings. “It was a shame,” she said, “to bring those little children
-there, not much more than babies--what could they know? I’d have kept
-them safe in the nursery with some quiet game to play, the poor little
-innocents! And so would Missis. Missis would have thought what was best
-for them, not for making a display. But God knows what will become of
-them children now.”
-
-“What should become of them?” said the husband. “They’ll get the best of
-everything and servants to wait on them hand and foot. The Colonel, he
-ain’t like a poor man who could do nothing for them. When the mother’s
-gone the children had better go too--in a poor man’s house.”
-
-“It’s little you know about it,” said the woman with contempt. “Rich
-house or poor house, it don’t make no such great difference. Nurses is a
-long way different from mothers. Not as I’m saying a word against Sarah
-Langridge, as is a good honest woman, that would wrong her master not by
-a candle end or a boot lace, not she. But that’s not like being a
-mother. The Lord grant that if I die and there’s a baby it may go too,
-as you say. You’re more than a nurse, you’re their father, and you’re
-part of them; but Lord forbid that I should leave a poor little baby on
-your hands.”
-
-The man turned on his heel with a tremulous laugh. “Well, I ain’t
-wishing it, am I?” he said.
-
-“But,” said Aubrey, “there are the--elder sisters--the young ladies.”
-
-“Miss Bee! Lord bless us, sir, do ye know the age that child is?
-Nineteen, and no more. Is that an age to take the charge of a nursery
-full of children? Why, her mother was but forty as has been laid in her
-grave to-day. I wish to goodness as that marriage hadn’t been broke off.
-He was a widower--and I don’t much hold with widowers--but I wish that I
-could give him a sign to come back, if he has any spirit in him, and try
-and get that poor young lady away.”
-
-“If he has been sent about his business,” said Aubrey, forcing a smile,
-“he could have no right to come back.”
-
-“I don’t know whose fault it was,” said the landlady. “None o’ missis’s,
-you take my word; but, Lord, if a gentleman loves a young lady, what’s
-to hinder him putting his pride in his pocket? A man does when he’s real
-fond of a woman in our rank of life.”
-
-“I don’t know about that,” said her husband. “If I had been sent away
-with a cuff on the side of my head, blessed if I’d ever have come back.”
-
-“You’re a poor lot, all of you,” the woman said.
-
-Aubrey could not but smile at the end of the argument, but he asked
-himself when he was alone--Was he a poor lot? Was he unwilling to put
-his pride in his pocket? Walking about his little room, turning over and
-over the circumstances, remembering the glare from Colonel Kingsward’s
-eye, which had recognised him, he at last evolved out of his own
-troubled feelings and imagination the idea that it was his part to offer
-sympathy, to hold out an olive branch. Perhaps, after all, the stern
-man’s heart was really touched; perhaps it would soothe him in his grief
-to hear that “when the eye saw her, then it blessed her,” which was
-Aubrey’s sincere feeling at this moment in respect to Bee’s mother. It
-seemed to him that it was best to act upon this impulse before other
-arguments came in; before the sense of wounding and pain in Bee’s
-silence got the upper hand. He spent most of the afternoon in writing a
-letter, so carefully put together, copied over and over again, that
-there might be nothing in it to wound the most sensitive feelings;
-offering to Colonel Kingsward his profound sympathy, telling him with
-emotion of her kindness to himself, her sweetness, her beauty, with that
-heightening of enthusiastic admiration, which, if it is permissible
-anywhere, is so over a new-made grave. And at the end he asked, with all
-the delicacy he could, whether in these new circumstances he might not
-ask a hearing, a renewed consideration, for her dear sake who had been
-so good to him, and who was gone.
-
-I am not sure that his judgment went fully with this renewed effort, and
-his landlady’s remarks were but a poor reason for any such step. But his
-heart was longing after Bee, angry with her, impatient beyond words,
-disturbed, miserable, not knowing how to support the silence and
-separation while yet so near. And to do something is always a relief,
-even though it may be the worst and not the best thing to do. In the
-evening after dark, when there was no one about, he went up to
-Kingswarden, and himself put his letter into the hands of the butler,
-who did not know him, and therefore knew no reason why the letter should
-either be carried in haste to his master or delayed. Aubrey heard that
-the young ladies were quite as well as could be expected, and the
-Colonel very composed, considering--and then he returned to the village.
-How silent the house was! Not a creature about, and how disturbing and
-painful to the anxious spirit even the simple noises and commotion of
-the village street.
-
-Next morning a letter came, delivered by the postman, from Kingswarden.
-It contained only a few words.
-
- “Colonel Kingsward is obliged to Mr. Aubrey Leigh for his message
- of sympathy, but, on consideration of the whole circumstances,
- thinks it better that no pretence at intercourse should be resumed.
- It could be nothing but painful to both parties, and Colonel
- Kingsward, with his compliments, takes the liberty to suggest that
- Mr. Aubrey Leigh would do well to remain in the neighbourhood as
- short a time as suits his convenience.
-
-“Kingswarden, October 15.”
-
-
-
-Inside were the two or three notes which Aubrey on different
-occasions--twice by post and once by a private messenger--had sent to
-Bee. They had not been opened. The young man’s colour rose with a fiery
-indignation--his heart thumped in his ears. This was an explanation of
-which he had not thought. To keep back anyone’s letters had not occurred
-to him as a thing that in the end of the eighteenth century any man
-would dare to do. It seemed to bring him back face to face with
-old-fashioned, forgotten methods, of all sorts of antiquated kinds. He
-put down the papers on the table with a sort of awe. How was he to
-struggle against such ways of warfare? Bee might think he had not
-written at all--had shown no sympathy with her in her trouble. How
-likely that it was this that had made her angry, that kept her from
-saying a word, from vouchsafing a look! She might think it was he who
-was deficient, who showed no feeling. What was he to do? The landlady
-coming up with his breakfast broke in upon this distracting course of
-thought.
-
-“I didn’t know, sir, as you were acquainted with the Colonel’s family,”
-the woman said.
-
-“A little,” said poor Aubrey. The letters were all lying on the table,
-giving to a sharp observer a very good clue to the position. Mrs. Gregg
-had noted the unopened letters returned to him in the Colonel’s
-enclosure at the first glance.
-
-“You didn’t ought to have let us talk. Why, we might have been saying,
-without thinking, some ill of the Colonel or of Miss Bee.”
-
-He smiled, though with little heart. “You were once in their service,”
-he said, “do you ever go there now?”
-
-“Oh, yes, now and again,” said Mrs. Gregg. “Sarah Langridge, as is in
-the nursery, is a cousin of mine, and I do go just to see them all now
-and again.”
-
-“Would you venture to take a letter from me to--Miss Kingsward?”
-
-“Sir,” said Mrs. Gregg, “is it about the marriage as was broke off? Is
-it?” she added quickly, as he answered her by nodding his head, “likely
-to come on again? That’s what I want to know.”
-
-“If it does not,” said Aubrey, “it will not be my fault.”
-
-“Then I will and welcome,” the landlady said. “It’s natural I should
-want to go the day after the funeral, to see about everything. Give me
-your letter, sir, and I’ll get it put safe into Miss Bee’s own hands.”
-
-All that he sent was half-a-dozen words of appeal.
-
- “Bee, these have been sent back to me. Was it by your will? I have
- been here since ever I heard of her illness, longing to be with
- you, to tell you what I felt for her and you. And you would not
- speak to me! Bee, dearest, say you did not mean it. Tell me what I
- am to do.
-
-“A.L.”
-
-
-
-How long the woman was in getting ready--how long in going! Before she
-came back it was almost night again of the lingering, endless day. She
-brought him a little note, not returning the enclosures--that was always
-something--with a reproach. “Oh, sir, and you very near got me into
-terrible trouble! I’ll never, never carry anything from you again.” The
-note was still shorter than his own:--
-
- “It was not by my will. I have never seen them till now. But
- please--please let this be the last. We can’t meet again. There can
- never more be anything between us--not from my father’s will, but
- my own. And this for ever--and your own heart will tell you why.
-
-“BEE.”
-
-
-
-“My own heart will tell me why! My heart tells me nothing--nothing!”
-poor Aubrey said to himself in the silence of his little room. But there
-was little use in repeating it to himself, and there was no other ear to
-hear.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XXIII.
-
-
-IT was with a sort of stupified bewilderment that Aubrey read over and
-over the little letter of Bee’s. Letter! To call it a letter. Those
-straggling lines without any beginning, no name of him to whom they were
-addressed, nothing even of the most superficial courtesy, nothing that
-marked the link that had been--unless it were, perhaps, the abruptness,
-the harshness, which she would have used to no other. This was a kind of
-painful comfort in its way, when he came to think of it. To nobody but
-him would she have written so--this was the little gleam of light. And
-she had retained his letters, though she had forbidden him from sending
-more. These lights of consolation leaped into his mind with the first
-reading, but the more he repeated that reading, the darker grew the
-prospect, and the less comfort they gave him. “Not by my father’s will,
-but my own; and your own heart will tell you why.” What did she mean by
-his own heart? She had begun to write conscience, and then drew her pen
-through it. Conscience! What had he done? What had he done? The real
-trouble of his life Bee had forgiven. Her father had stood upon it, and
-nothing had changed his standing ground so far as the Colonel was
-concerned; but Bee, who did not understand--how should any girl
-understand?--had forgiven him, had flung his reproach away and accepted
-him as he was. How was it that she should thus go back on her decision
-now? “Not my father’s will, but mine. And your conscience will tell you
-why.” Aubrey’s conscience reproached him with nothing, with no thought
-of unfaithfulness to the young and spotless love which had re-created
-his being. He had never denied the old reproach. But what was it, what
-was it which she bid him to remember, which would explain the change in
-her? “Your heart will tell you why”--why his heart? and what was there
-that could be told him, which could explain this? He walked about his
-little room all night, shaking the little rickety little house with his
-tread, asking himself, “What was it, what was it?” and finding no answer
-anywhere.
-
-When he got up from a troubled morning sleep, these disturbed and
-unrefreshing slumbers, full of visions which turn the appearance of rest
-into the most fatiguing of labour, Aubrey formed a resolution, which he
-said to himself he should perhaps have carried out from the first. He
-had an advocate who could take charge of his cause without any fear of
-betrayal, his mother, and to her he would go without delay. Of all
-things in the world to do, after the reception of Bee’s note, giving in
-was the last thing he could think of. To accept that strange and
-agitated decision, to allow that there was something in his own heart
-that would explain it to him, was what he would not and could not do.
-There was nothing in his own consciousness, in his heart or conscience,
-as she had said, that could explain it. Nothing! It was not to his
-credit to accept such a dismissal, even if he had been unaffected by it.
-He could not let a mystery fall over this, leaving it as one of those
-things unexplained which tear life in pieces. That would be mere
-weakness, not the mode of action of a man of sense who had no exposure
-to face. But if his letters were intercepted--miserable folly!--by the
-father, a man of the world who ought to have known that such proceedings
-were an anachronism--and rejected by herself, it was little use that he
-should continue writing. Against two such methods of silencing him no
-man could contend. But there was still one other great card to play. He
-went out and took a last view of the sheltered and flowery dwelling of
-Kingswarden, as it could be seen among the trees at one part of the
-road. The windows were open and all the blinds drawn up. The house had
-come back out of the shadow of death into the every-day composure of
-living. White curtains fluttered in the wind at the upper windows. The
-late climbing roses and pretty bunches of clematis seemed again to look
-in. It was still like summer, though the year was waning, and the sun
-still shone, notwithstanding all sorrow. Aubrey saw no one, however, but
-a housemaid, who paused as she passed to put up a window, and looked out
-for a moment. That was all. He had not the chance of seeing any face
-that he wished to see. In the village he met the two boys, who
-recognised him sheepishly with their eyes, and a look from one to
-another, but were about to shuffle past, Reginald on the heels of
-Arthur, to escape his notice--when he stopped them, which was a fact
-they were unprepared for, and had not calculated how to meet. He told
-them that he was going away, a definite fact upon which they seized
-eagerly. “Oh, so are we,” they said, both together, one of them adding
-the explanation that there was always something going on at school. “And
-there’s nothing to do here,” the other added. “I hope we’ll, sometime or
-other, know each other better,” said Aubrey, at which the boys hung
-their heads. “There is a good deal of shooting down at my little
-place,” he added. He was not above such a mean act; whereupon the two
-heads raised themselves by one impulse, as if they had been upon wires,
-and two pairs of eyes shone. “Try if you can do anything for me, and
-I’ll do everything I can for you,” this insidious plotter said. The boys
-shook hands with him with a warmth which they never expected to have
-felt for any such “spoon,” and said to each other that he didn’t seem
-such a bad fellow at bottom--as if they had searched his being through
-and through. Mr. Leigh met Charlie when on his way to the railway
-station, but he had no encouragement to say anything to Charlie. They
-passed each other with a nod, very surly on Charlie’s part, whose anger
-at the sight of him--as if that man had anything to do with _our_
-trouble--was perhaps not so unnatural. Charlie, too, was going back to
-Oxford next day, and thankful to be doing so, out of this dreary place,
-where there was nothing to do.
-
-It was the afternoon of the next day when Aubrey arrived at his mother’s
-house. It was at some distance from his own house, much too far to
-drive, and only to be got at by cross-country railways, with an interval
-of an hour or two of waiting at several junctions, facts which he could
-not help remembering his poor little wife and her companion had
-congratulated themselves upon in those old, strange days, which had
-disappeared so entirely, like a tale that is told. He wondered whether
-she would equally think it an advantage--if she ever was the partner of
-his home. There seemed to him now something wrong in the thought, a mean
-sort of petty feeling, unworthy of a fine nature. He wondered if
-Bee--Bee! How unlikely it was that she would ever consider that
-question, or know anything further about his house or his ways of
-living--she who had thrust him away from her at the very moment when her
-heart ought to have been most soft--when love was most wanted to
-strengthen and uphold. Not her father’s will, but her own. And your own
-heart will explain it. His own heart! in which there was nothing but
-truth and devotion to her.
-
-He arrived thus at his mother’s house very depressed in spirits. Mrs.
-Leigh was not the ordinary kind of mother for a young man like Aubrey
-Leigh. She was not one of those mothers wholly wrapped up in their
-children, who are so general. She had all along made an attempt at an
-independent life of her own. When Aubrey married she was still a
-comparatively young woman, by no means disposed to sink her identity in
-him or his household. Mrs. Aubrey Leigh might possess the first place in
-the family as the queen regnant, but Mrs. Leigh, in her personality a
-much more important person, had no idea of being swamped, and giving up
-her natural consequence. She was still a considerable person, though she
-was not rich, and inhabited only a sort of jointure-house, a “small
-place” capable of holding very few visitors. Aubrey was her only son,
-and she was, of course, very fond of him--_of course_, she was very fond
-of him--but she had no intention of sinking into insignificance or
-living only in the reflection of Aubrey, still less of his wife.
-
-Hurstleigh, where Mrs. Leigh lived, was near the sea, and near also to
-the county town, which was a brisk and thriving seaport. It was an old
-house that had known many fluctuations, an ancient manor house,
-inhabited once by the Leighs when they were of humbler pretentions than
-now; then it became a farm-house, then was let to a hunting man, who
-greatly enlarged the stables; and now it was a jointure-house, the
-stables veiled by a new wing, the place in that trim order which denotes
-a careful master, and more particularly mistress; with large lattice
-windows, heavy mullions, and a terrace with stone balustrades running
-all the length of the house. Mrs. Leigh generally sat in a room opening
-upon this terrace, with the windows always open, except in the coldest
-weather, and there it was that Aubrey made his way, without passing
-through the house. His mother was sitting at one of her favourite
-occupations--writing letters. She was one of those women who maintain a
-large correspondence, chiefly for the reason that it amuses them to
-receive letters and to feel themselves a centre of lively and varied
-life; besides that, she was considered a very clever letter writer,
-which is a temptation to everyone who possesses, or is supposed to
-possess, that qualification. She rose quickly, with a cry of “Aubrey!”
-in great surprise.
-
-“You are the last person I expected to see,” she said, when she had
-given him a warm welcome. “I saw the death in the papers, and I
-supposed, of course, you would be there.”
-
-“I have just come from Kingswarden,” he said, with a little nod of his
-head in assent; “and yet I was not there.”
-
-“Riddle me no riddles, Aubrey, for I never was good at guessing. You
-were there and yet you were not there?”
-
-“I am afraid--I am no longer a welcome visitor, mother,” he said, with a
-faint smile.
-
-“What!” Mrs. Leigh’s astonishment was so great that it seemed to disturb
-the afternoon quiet which reigned over the whole domain. “What! Why,
-Aubrey! It was only the other day I heard of your engagement.”
-
-“It is quite true, and yet it has become ancient history, and nobody
-remembers it any more.”
-
-“What do you mean?” she cried. “My dear Aubrey, I do not understand you.
-I thought you were dangling about after your young lady, and that this
-was the reason why I heard so little of you; and then I was much
-startled to see that announcement in the papers. But you said she was
-always delicate. Well, but what on earth is the meaning of this other
-change?”
-
-“I told you, mother. For some time I was but half accepted, pending
-Colonel Kingsward’s decision.”
-
-“Oh, yes; one knows what that sort of thing means! And then Colonel
-Kingsward generously consented--to one of the best matches in
-England--in your condition of life.”
-
-“I am not a young duke, mother.”
-
-“No, you are not a young duke. I said in your condition of life, and the
-Kingswards are nothing superior to that, I believe. Well--and then? That
-was where your last letter left me.”
-
-“I am ashamed not to have written, mother; but it wasn’t pleasant
-news--and I always hoped to change their mind.”
-
-“Well? I suppose there was some cause for it?” she said, after waiting a
-long minute or two for his next words.
-
-He got up and walked to the window, which, as has been intimated, was
-also a door opening and leading out on to the terrace. “May I shut this
-window?” he said, turning his back on her; and then he added, still
-keeping that attitude, “it was of course because of that old affair.”
-
-“What old affair?”
-
-“You generally understand at half a word, mother; must I go into the
-whole nauseous business?”
-
-She came up to him and laid her hand on his shoulder. “Miss Lance,” she
-said.
-
-“What else? I haven’t had so many scandals in my life that you should
-stand in any doubt.”
-
-“Scandals!” she exclaimed; and again was silent for a moment. “Aubrey,
-explain it to me a little. How did that business come to their ears?”
-
-“Oh, in the easiest way, the simplest way!” he cried, “The injured woman
-called on the father of the girl who was going to be given to such a
-reprobate as me.” He laughed loudly and harshly, preserving the most
-tragic face all the time.
-
-“The injured woman! Good heavens! And was the man such an ass--such an
-ass----?”
-
-“He is not an ass, mother; he is a model of every virtue. My engagement,
-if you like to call it so, lasted about a week, and then I was suddenly
-turned adrift.”
-
-“Aubrey, when did all this happen?”
-
-“I suppose about three weeks ago. Pardon me, mother, for not having
-written, but I had no heart to write. I left them at Cologne, and
-travelled home by myself, and the first thing I did, of course, was to
-go and see Colonel Kingsward.”
-
-“Well?”
-
-“No, it wasn’t well at all. He refused to listen to me. Of course, I got
-it out from my side as well as I could, but it made no difference. He
-would not hear me. He would understand no excuse.”
-
-“And the ladies?”
-
-“Mrs. Kingsward was too gentle and yielding. She never opposed him,
-and--”
-
-“Aubrey, the girl whom you loved, and had such faith in--Bee, don’t you
-call her?--”
-
-“Bee--stood by me, mother; never hesitated, gave me her hand, and stood
-by me.”
-
-“Ah, well,” said Mrs. Leigh, with a little sigh of relief, “then that’s
-all right. The father will soon come round--”
-
-“So I should have said yesterday. I left them in that full faith. But
-since they came back to Kingswarden something has happened. I wrote to
-her, but I got no answer--I supposed it was her mother’s illness--now I
-have found that he stops my letters; but something far worse--wait a
-moment--she, Bee herself, wrote to me yesterday, dismissing me without a
-word of explanation--declaring she did it by her own will, not her
-father’s--and adding, my conscience would tell me why.”
-
-Mrs. Leigh looked her son straight in the face for a full minute.
-“Aubrey--and does your conscience tell you why?”
-
-“No, mother. I am too bewildered even to be able to think--I have not an
-idea what she means. She knew all there was to know--without
-understanding it in the least, it needn’t be said--and held fast to her
-word; and now I know no more what she means than you do. Mother,
-there’s only one thing to be done--you must take it in hand.”
-
-“I---- take your love affairs in hand!” she said.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XXIV.
-
-
-BUT though Mrs. Leigh said this it is by no means certain that she meant
-it even at the first moment. It is only a very prudent woman who objects
-to being asked to interfere in a young man’s love affairs. Generally the
-request itself is a compliment, and not less, but perhaps more so, when
-made to a mother by her son. And Mrs. Leigh, though a sensible and
-prudent person enough in ordinary affairs, did not attain to the height
-of virtue above indicated. When she went upstairs to change her gown for
-dinner, after talking it over and over with Aubrey in every possible
-point of view, her mind, though she had not yet consented in words, had
-begun to turn over the best methods of opening the question with the
-Kingswards, and what it would be wisest in the circumstances to do. That
-Aubrey should be beaten, that he should have to give up the girl whom he
-loved, and of whom he gave so exalted a description, seemed the one
-thing that must not be permitted to be. Mrs. Leigh was very anxious that
-her son should marry, if it were only to wipe out the episode of that
-little, silly Amy, who was fonder of her friend than of her husband; and
-the half ludicrous, half tragic chapter of _that_ woman, staying on,
-resisting all efforts to dislodge her for so long, until she had as she
-thought acquired rights over the poor young man, who was not
-strong-minded enough to turn her out of his house. To obliterate these
-circumstances from the mind of the county altogether, as could only be
-done by a happy and suitable marriage, Mrs. Leigh would have done much,
-and, to be sure, her son’s happiness was also dear to her. Poor Aubrey!
-His first adventure into life had not been a happy one, and his
-descriptions of Bee and all her belongings had been full of a young
-lover’s enthusiasm, not tame and tepid as she had always felt his
-sentiments towards Amy to be. What would it be best to do if I really
-undertake this business, she said to herself. Herself replied that it
-was not a business for her to meddle with, that she would do no good,
-and many other dissuasions of the conventional kind; but, when her
-imagination and feelings were once lit up, Mrs. Leigh was not a woman to
-be smothered in that way. After dinner, without still formally
-undertaking the mission, she talked with Aubrey of the best ways of
-carrying it out. If she did interfere, how should she set about it?
-“Mind, I don’t promise anything, but supposing----” Should she write?
-Should she go? Which thing would it be best to do? If she made up her
-mind to go, should she write beforehand to warn them? What, on the
-whole, would it be most appropriate to do?
-
-The method finally decided upon between them--“if I go--but I don’t say
-that I will go--” was that Mrs. Leigh should first, without warning or
-preparation, endeavour to see Bee, and ascertain whether any new
-representations had been made to her to change her mind; and then,
-according to her success or non-success with Bee, decide whether she
-should ask an interview with her father. Aubrey slept under his mother’s
-roof with greater tranquility and refreshment than he had known for some
-time, and with something of the vague hope of his childhood that she
-could set everything right, do away with punishment or procure pleasure,
-when she took it in hand. It had always been so in the childish days,
-which seemed to come near him in the sight of the old furniture, the
-well-known pictures and ornaments and curiosities which Mrs. Leigh had
-brought with her when she settled in this diminished house. How well he
-remembered them all!--the old print of the little Samuel on his knees,
-the attitude of which he used half-consciously to copy when he said his
-prayers; the little old-fashioned books in blue and brown morocco on the
-shelves, the china ornaments on the mantel-piece. He smiled at their
-antiquity now-a-days, but he had thought them very grand and imposing
-once upon a time.
-
-In the morning Mrs. Leigh coquetted a little, or else saw the whole
-subject in a colder light. “Don’t you think it is possible that I might
-do more harm than good,” she said; “things might settle of themselves if
-you only give them a little time. Colonel Kingsward would come to his
-senses, and Miss Bee--”
-
-“Mother,” cried Aubrey, pale with alarm, “on the contrary. Do you forget
-the circumstances? Mrs. Kingsward is dead, there is a large family of
-little children, and Bee is of the race of the Quixotes. Don’t you see
-what will happen? She will get it into her mind, and everybody will
-persuade her, that as the eldest daughter she is wanted at home. It will
-be impressed upon her on all sides, and unless there is a strong
-influence to counteract it, and at once, Bee is lost to me for ever.”
-
-“My dear, don’t be so tragical. These dreadful things don’t happen in
-our days.”
-
-“You may laugh, mother, but it is no laughing matter to me.”
-
-“I don’t laugh,” she said. “I see the strength of your argument; but, my
-dear boy, nothing will be so effectual in showing your Bee the happiness
-that is awaiting her as a little trial of the troubles of a large
-family on her shoulders. I know what it is.”
-
-Aubrey sprang from his seat though it was in the middle of his
-breakfast. “Mother,” he said, “there is one thing that I believe you
-will never know--and that is, Bee. The burden is exactly what will hold
-her fast beyond any argument--the sense of duty--the feeling that she is
-bound to take her mother’s place.”
-
-What was in Mrs. Leigh’s mind was the thought: Ah, that’s all very well
-at first, till she has tried it. But what she said was: “I beg your
-pardon, Aubrey. Of course, that is a much more elevated feeling. Sit
-down, my dear, and take your breakfast. It is not my fault that I don’t
-know Bee.”
-
-Upon which Aubrey had to beg her pardon and sit down, commiserating her
-for that deficiency, which was indeed her misfortune and not her fault.
-
-At the end Mrs. Leigh was wound up to take the strongest step possible.
-She joined her son in London after about a week had elapsed. He chafed
-at the delay, but allowed that to leave Bee in quiet for a few days
-after all the storms that had gone over her head was necessary. Mrs.
-Leigh went down early on a bright October morning to Kingswarden with
-much more excitement than she had expected to feel. She was herself
-inclined to take a lighter view, to laugh at the idea of interrupted
-letters or parental cruelty, and to believe that poor Bee was worn out,
-her nerves all wrong, and possibly her temper affected by the
-irritability which is so apt to accompany unaccustomed grief, and that
-in a little time she would of herself come round. Seeing, however, that
-these suggestions only made Aubrey angry, she had given them up, and was
-in fact more influenced than she cared to show by his emotion and
-anxiety when she thus sallied forth into the unknown to plead her son’s
-cause. They had ascertained that Colonel Kingsward had returned to his
-office, so the coast was clear. Only the two girls and the little
-children were at home. Mrs. Leigh said to herself as she walked to the
-gate that it was a shame to take the little girl, poor little thing,
-thus unprotected, with nobody to stand by her. If it were not that it
-was entirely for her good--nobody that knew Aubrey would deny that he
-would make the best husband in the world, and surely to have a good
-house of her own, and a good husband, and distinct place in the world
-was better than to grow to maturity a harassed woman at the head of her
-father’s house, acting mother to a troop of children who would not obey
-her, nor even be grateful for her kindness to them. Surely there could
-not be two opinions as to what it would be best for the girl to do. Yet
-she felt a little like a wolf going down into the midst of the lambkins
-when she opened the unguarded gate.
-
-Mrs. Leigh was a clever woman, and a woman of the world. She had a great
-deal of natural understanding, and a considerable knowledge of life, but
-she was not unlike in appearance the ordinary British matron, who is not
-much credited with these qualities. That is to say, she was stout--which
-is a calamity common with the kind. She had white hair, considerably
-frizzed on the top of the forehead, as it is becoming to white hair to
-be, and dark eyes and good complexion. These things were in her favour;
-still, it is impossible to deny that when Bee and Betty saw coming
-towards them, following the footman across the lawn, a stout figure, not
-very tall, nor distinguishable from various ladies in both country and
-town whom they knew, and with the natural impertinence of youth set down
-as bores, they had both a strong revolt in their minds against their
-visitor. “Oh, who is it--who is it?” they said to each other. “Why did
-James let her in? Why did he let anyone in?”
-
-It was a warm morning, though the season was far advanced, and they were
-seated again on that bench under the tree where they had watched the
-white cloud floating away on the night of their mother’s death. They
-went there instinctively whenever they went out. “Mother’s tree,” they
-began to call it, and sat as she had been used to do, with the children
-playing near, and nurse walking up and down with the baby in her arms.
-They had been talking more that morning than ever before. It was little
-more than a week since Mrs. Kingsward’s funeral, but they were so young
-that their hearts now and then for a moment burst the bondage of their
-sorrow, and escaped the length of a smile or two. It was not much; and,
-to be sure, for the children’s sake it was indispensable that they
-should not be crying and miserable always, as at first they had felt as
-if they must continually be. But it was another thing to receive
-visitors and have perhaps to answer questions about the circumstances of
-their loss.
-
-“Mrs.--? what did James say?” Neither of them were sure, though a thrill
-ran through Bee’s veins. It was a stranger. Who could it be?
-
-“I have to apologise for coming--without knowing you--and at such a
-time,” said Mrs. Leigh, making a little pause till the nurse had got to
-the end of the gravel walk with the baby, and James was out of hearing.
-“It is you who are Bee, is it not?” she said, suddenly taking the girl’s
-hands. “I am the mother of Aubrey Leigh.”
-
-All the colour went out of Bee’s face; she drew away her hands
-hurriedly, and dropped upon her mother’s seat. She felt that she had no
-power to say a word.
-
-“Oh, I thought it was Mrs. Leigh he said,” cried Betty, “but I could not
-suppose--oh, Mrs. Leigh, whatever Bee may say, I am so glad, so glad to
-see you--perhaps you will be able to make things right.”
-
-“I hope I shall,” said Mrs. Leigh, “and I shall always be obliged to
-you, my dear, for giving me your countenance. But your sister does not
-look as if she meant to let me put things right.”
-
-“I am sorry if I seem rude,” said Bee, gathering herself together,
-“but--I don’t think that papa would like us to receive visitors.”
-
-“I am not a common visitor,” said Mrs. Leigh. “I hope you will do me the
-credit to think that it is with a very different feeling I come. I am
-very, very sorry for you, so young as you are--more sorry than I can
-say. And, Bee, if indeed I am to hope to be one day your mother--”
-
-Bee did not speak; but she fixed her blue eyes upon her visitor with a
-sort of entreaty to be left alone, and mournfully shook her head.
-
-“We can’t think just now of that name,” said little Betty, with the
-tears standing in her eyes.
-
-“My dear children, I came to try to comfort you, not to open your
-wounds. Dear,” she said, putting her hand on Bee’s shoulder, “you would
-not see Aubrey, nor let him have a word from you. But he said you had
-heard everything an evil woman could say, and did not give him up for
-that--and he is heart-broken. He thought perhaps you would tell me if he
-had done anything to displease you--or if it was only the effect of your
-grief, to which he would be submissive at once. All he wanted was to
-share your trouble, my dear child.”
-
-This was not at all what Mrs. Leigh intended to say. She had meant to
-represent her visit as one of sympathy solely, without at first
-referring to the hard case of Aubrey; but Bee’s looks had confused even
-this experienced woman. The girl’s pale face put on an expression of
-determined decision, or rather of that blank of resistance to entering
-upon the question, which is a kind of defence which it is almost
-impossible to break down.
-
-“I would rather, if you please, not say anything of Mr. Leigh.”
-
-“Dear child! Do not take that tone. If he has done anything that does
-not please you, how is he ever to clear himself if you will not tell him
-what it is.”
-
-“She is like this all the time,” cried Betty; “she will not say what is
-wrong--and yet she is just as miserable herself as anyone could be.”
-
-Bee gave her sister a look in which Mrs. Leigh, closely watching, saw
-the lightening of the glance, the brilliancy and splendour of the blue
-eyes of which Aubrey had raved. Poor little Betty was illuminated as if
-with a great flame. It was all that she could do to restrain a very
-inappropriate smile. “You know nothing, and how do you dare to say
-anything?” Bee said.
-
-“I am sure that Bee is just,” said the older lady. “She would not
-condemn anyone unheard. Aubrey Leigh is my son, but we have been
-separated for many years, and I think I judge him impartially. He does
-not always please me, and I am sure that at some time or other he has
-much displeased you. Your eyes tell me, though you have not said a
-word. But, my dear, I have never, since he was a child, found him out in
-anything except the one thing you know, in which he was so sorely,
-sorely tried. He has always been kind. He gets into trouble by his
-kindness as other men do by ill-behaviour. I don’t know what you have
-against him, but I feel sure that he will clear himself if you will let
-him speak. Bee----”
-
-“I do not want,” cried Bee, “to seem rude. Oh, I don’t want to be rude!
-I am sure, quite sure, that you are kind; but I have nothing to say, oh!
-nothing to say to anyone. I am not able to discuss any subject, or enter
-into things. I have a great deal to think of, for I am the eldest and it
-will not do for me to--to break down, or to have any more to bear. I am
-very, very sorry--and you are so kind. But I must go in now--I must go
-in now.”
-
-“Bee, Bee----”
-
-“You can stay, Betty, and talk to the lady. You can stay, but--oh,
-forgive me--I cannot--cannot help it! I must go in now.”
-
-This was the end of Mrs. Leigh’s embassy. She had a long talk with
-Betty, who was but too glad to pour into this kind woman’s bosom all her
-troubles. Betty could not tell what had happened to Bee. She was not the
-Bee of old, and she did not know what it was that had happened about
-Aubrey, or if Bee had heard anything against him. She was as much in the
-dark as Mrs. Leigh herself. But she made it very evident that Bee had a
-grievance, a real or supposed ground of complaint which made her very
-angry, and which she resented bitterly. What was it? But this Betty did
-not know.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XXV.
-
-
-MRS. LEIGH went back to her son with a sense of humiliation which was
-rare in her consciousness. She had been completely unsuccessful, which
-was a thing which had very rarely happened to her. She had expected if
-she got admission at all that anything which so young a girl might have
-on her mind must have burst forth and all have been made clear. She had
-expected at once to overawe and to soothe a young creature who loved
-Aubrey, and who had some untold grievance against Aubrey. But she was
-not prepared for the dual personality, so to speak, of Bee, or the power
-she had of retreating, herself, and leaving her little sister as her
-representative to fulfil all necessary civilities without the power of
-betraying anything that the visitor wanted to know. She went back to
-town very angry with Bee; turned against her; very little disposed to
-sympathise with Aubrey, which she had so freely done before. “My dear
-boy,” she said, “you have made a mistake, that’s all. The elder sister
-has a temper like her father. Everybody will tell you that Colonel
-Kingsward is a sharp-tempered man. But Betty is a little darling. It is
-she that should have been the mistress of Forest-leigh.”
-
-In answer to this, Aubrey simply turned his back upon his mother. He was
-deeply disappointed, but this speech turned his disappointment into a
-kind of rage. She had mismanaged the whole matter. That was as clear as
-daylight, and such a suggestion was an added insult. Betty! a child--a
-little girl--a nobody. His Bee seemed to tower over her in his
-imagination, so different, so high above her, another species. It was
-some minutes before he could trust himself to speak.
-
-“Of course, you think me a fool,” said Mrs. Leigh, “and so I am, to
-tell a young man that there is another in the world equal to the object
-of his fancy.”
-
-“Mother,” said Aubrey, in a choked voice, “you mistake the matter
-altogether. That is not what is in question. What I want to know is,
-what has been said against me, what new thing she has heard, or in what
-new light she has been taught to see me. You might as well suggest,” he
-cried, angrily, “that another person might have been better in your
-place--as in hers.”
-
-“If that is all I don’t mind allowing it,” said Mrs. Leigh, with an
-aggravation peculiar to mothers. “You might have had some one who would
-have been, all round, of more use to you as a mother--only it’s a little
-late to think of that. However, without any persiflage, here is one
-thing evident, that she has some grievance against you, something new,
-something definite, which she believes you to be conscious of, which she
-is too proud to discuss--I suppose?” said Mrs. Leigh, looking at him
-with the look of the too-profoundly experienced, never sure how far
-human weakness may go.
-
-“Mother!” Aubrey cried. He was as indignant as she was unassured.
-
-“Well, my dear, don’t be angry. I am not imagining anything. I only ask
-whether you are quite sure that there is nothing which might be twisted
-into a new accusation against you? There might be many incidents, in
-which you were quite blameless, which an enemy might twist--”
-
-“You need not be melo-dramatic, mother. I have nothing in the world that
-could be an enemy--so far as I know.”
-
-“Oh, as for that, there are people who make up stories out of pure
-devilry. And I had no intention of being melo-dramatic,” said Mrs. Leigh
-with displeasure. She added, after a moment, “Examine--I don’t say your
-conscience, which probably has nothing to do with it--but what has
-occurred for the last six months? See if there is anything which admits
-of a wrong interpretation, which could be, as I say, twisted.”
-
-Aubrey paused a moment to attempt to do as she said, but the little
-episode of the railway station, the poor woman and her babies, he did
-not think of. If truth must be told, he thought that incident was one
-of the most creditable things in his life. He felt a little pleased with
-himself when he thought of it. It was one of those things which to
-mention might seem like a brag of his own generosity. He felt that it
-was really one of the few incidents in his life which modesty kept him
-from telling, one of the things in which the right hand should not know
-what the left hand did. Had he thought of it that would have been his
-feeling; but when he was asked suddenly to endeavour to recollect
-something which might be twisted to his disadvantage, naturally this
-good deed--a deed of charity if ever one was--did not come into his mind
-at all. He shook his head. “You know whether I am that kind of man,
-mother.”
-
-“Don’t refer it to me, Aubrey--a young man’s mother probably is the very
-last person to know. I know you, my dear, _au fond_. I know a great deal
-about you; but I know, too, that you have done many things which I never
-could have supposed you would have done: consult your own recollection.
-Probably it is something so insignificant that you will have difficulty
-in recalling it. One can never calculate what trifle may move a young
-girl’s imagination. A grain of sand is enough to put a watch all wrong.”
-
-Thus it will be seen that Mrs. Leigh’s long experience was after all
-good for something. She divined the character of the dreadful obstacle
-which had come in her son’s way and shattered all his hopes. If he had
-recounted to her that incident which it would have seemed ostentation to
-him to refer to, probably she would have pierced the _imbroglio_ at
-once--or could she have seen into his life and his memory, she would, no
-doubt, have put her finger at once on that place. But there they stood,
-two human creatures in the closest relation to each other that nature
-can make, anxious to find out between them the key to a puzzle which
-neither of them could divine, but the secret of which lay certainly
-between them, could they but find it--and could make out nothing. A word
-from the son might have set the keen-witted mother, better acquainted
-than he with the manner in which scandals arise, on the scent. But it
-never occurred to him to say that word. They looked into each other’s
-faces and made out nothing. Strange veil of individuality which is
-between two human creatures, as the sea is between two worlds, and more
-confusing, more impenetrable still than any distance! Aubrey made the
-most conscientious efforts to lay bare his heart, to discover something
-that might be twisted, as she said; but he found nothing. His thoughts
-since he met the Kingswards first had been full of nothing but Bee--his
-very dreams had been full of her. He wandered vaguely through his own
-recollections, not knowing what to look for--what was there? There was
-nothing. His mother sat by, and, notwithstanding her anxiety, could
-scarcely refrain from smiling at his puzzled, troubled endeavour to find
-out something against himself. But there was nothing to find out. He
-shook his head at last, with a sort of appeal to her out of his troubled
-eyes. He was distressed not to find what he sought. “I know nothing,” he
-said, shaking his head. “One never does anything very good indeed--but
-not very bad either. I have just been as I always am--not much to brag
-of--but nothing to be ashamed of, between one man and another.”
-
-“The question is between one man and one woman, Aubrey, which is
-different.”
-
-“Then,” he cried, with a short laugh, “I defy discovery. There has been
-nothing in all my thoughts that need have been hidden. You do me
-grievous wrong, mother, if you can think--even if I had been inclined
-that way.”
-
-“I don’t think. I have the most complete faith in you, Aubrey. I
-say--anything that could be twisted by a malign interpretation?”
-
-He shook his head again. “And who would take the trouble to make a
-malign interpretation? I assure you, I have no enemy.”
-
-“Colonel Kingsward is enemy enough.”
-
-“Ah! Colonel Kingsward. I have no reason, however, to think that he
-would do a dishonourable action.”
-
-“What do you call intercepting letters, Aubrey?”
-
-“It is very antiquated and out of date, but I don’t know that it need be
-called dishonourable; and he has a high idea of his authority; but to
-make a false representation of another man----”
-
-“Aubrey, these distinctions are too fine for me. There is only one thing
-that I can do. I will now go and interview Colonel Kingsward. If he
-knows of anything new, he will soon reveal it to me. If he goes only
-over the old ground, then we may be sure that your _fiancée_ has been
-told something in her own ear--something apart from her father--which
-she has betrayed to no one. Unless, perhaps, it was got from the
-mother----”
-
-“Not a word about the mother. She is dead, and she is sacred; and
-besides she was the last, the very last----”
-
-“You have yourself said she was very weak, Aubrey.”
-
-“Weak so far as resisting her husband was concerned, but incapable of an
-unkind word; incapable of any treachery or falsehood; a creature, both
-in body and soul, whom you could almost see through.”
-
-Mrs. Leigh shook her head a little.
-
-“I know those transparent people,” she said. “They are not always
-so---- But never mind; I am going to interview Colonel Kingsward now.”
-
-Colonel Kingsward was very courteous to his visitor. He received her
-visit of sympathy with polite gratitude, accepting her excuse that so
-nearly connected as the families had been about to be, she could not be
-in town without coming to express her great regret and feeling for his
-family left motherless. Colonel Kingsward was very _digne_. He had the
-fullest sense of what was expected in his position, and he did not allow
-any other feeling to come in the way of that. He thanked Mrs. Leigh for
-her sympathy, and exaggerated his sense of her goodness in coming to
-express it. It was more, much more, than he had any right to expect. If
-there was any alleviation to his grief it was in the sense of the great
-kindness of friends--“and even of strangers,” he said, with a grave bow,
-which seemed to throw Mrs. Leigh indefinitely back into the regions of
-the unknown. This put her on her mettle at once.
-
-“I do not feel like a stranger,” she said. “I have heard so much of your
-family--every member of it--through my son, Aubrey. I regret greatly
-that the connection which seemed to be so suitable should hang at all in
-doubt----”
-
-“It does not hang in doubt,” said Colonel Kingsward, “I am sorry if you
-have got that impression. It is quite broken off--once for all.”
-
-“That is a hard thing to say to Aubrey Leigh’s mother,” she said; “such
-a stigma should not be put upon a young man lightly.”
-
-“I am sorry to discuss such matters with a lady. But I don’t know what
-you call lightly, Mrs. Leigh. I do not believe for a moment that you
-would give a daughter of your own--I do not know whether you have
-daughters of your own----”
-
-“Two--happily married, thank heaven, and off my hands.”
-
-“You will understand me so much the better. (Colonel Kingsward knew
-perfectly well all about Mrs. Leigh’s two daughters). I do not believe
-that you would have given one of them to a man--to whom another lady put
-forth a prior claim.”
-
-“I am not at all sure of that. I should have ascertained first what
-kind of person put forth the claim----”
-
-“We need not go into these details,” said Colonel Kingsward, waving his
-hand.
-
-“It is most important to go into these details. I can give you every
-particular about this lady, Colonel Kingsward; and so can a dozen
-people, at least, who have no interest in the matter except to tell the
-truth.”
-
-“The question is closed in my mind, Mrs. Leigh. I have no intention of
-opening it again.”
-
-“And this is the sole ground upon which my son is rejected?” she said,
-fixing her keen eyes upon his face.
-
-“It is the sole ground; it is quite enough, I believe. Supposing even
-that the lady was everything you allege, an intimacy between a woman of
-that character and your son is quite enough to make him unsuitable for
-my daughter.”
-
-“Who is not of your opinion, however,” Mrs. Leigh said.
-
-Colonel Kingsward was confused by this speech. He got up and stood
-before the fire. He avoided meeting her eye. “My daughter is very young
-and very inexperienced,” he said. “She is at present more moved by her
-feelings than her reason. I believe that with an increase of maturer
-judgment she will fully adopt my view.”
-
-Colonel Kingsward believed that he had altogether crushed his visitor,
-but he was not so right as he thought. Mrs. Leigh went back to her son
-with triumph in her eyes. “He knows nothing more,” she said. “He does
-not know that she has turned against you. Whatever is her reason, it is
-something different from his, and she has not confided it to him. I
-thought as much when you told me of the letters stopped. A man does not
-intercept a girl’s letters when he knows she has come round to his way
-of thinking. Now you have got to find out what she has heard, and to set
-her right about it whatever it may be.”
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XXVI.
-
-
-TO set oneself to find out without any clue or guidance what it is which
-has affected the thoughts of a girl for or against her lover--without
-any knowledge of her surroundings, or from what quarter an adverse
-influence, an ill report, could have come--who could have spoken to her
-on the subject of Aubrey, or what kind of story to his disadvantage (for
-this was what Mrs. Leigh convinced herself must have happened) she had
-heard--to discover everything and counteract it, was a mission that
-might well have frightened anyone who undertook it. And I don’t doubt
-that Mrs. Leigh, to encourage her son, spoke a great deal more
-confidently than she felt, and that she really intended to give herself
-up to this discovery, and to take no rest until she had made it, and
-cleared up the matter which threatened to separate these two young
-people for ever, and make havoc in both their lives.
-
-Aubrey himself shook his head and declared himself to have little hope;
-but he was not really more hopeless than his mother was the reverse.
-While he shook his head there was a warm sensation of comfort at his
-heart. That she should have undertaken to find it out seemed like half
-the battle. When a man retains any confidence in his mother at all,
-which is by no means always the case, he is apt to be influenced more
-than he is aware by the old prejudice of childhood that she can do
-anything that is wanted. She by no means felt herself to be so powerful
-as he did, though she professed her certainty of success, and he was
-much more held up and supported by her supposed convictions than he
-himself allowed to appear. Thus they separated, Aubrey remaining in
-town, ready to take advantage of any occasion that might present itself,
-while she returned to her home, to make every exertion to discover the
-cause of Bee’s estrangement. Very easy words to say--but how to do it?
-She had not a notion even what kind of story had been told to Bee. She
-did not know any special point of weakness on the part of Aubrey which
-could have been exaggerated or made to appear worse than it was. There
-was no inclination towards dissipation about him; he did not gamble; he
-was not addicted to bad company. What was there to say about him? The
-episode of Miss Lance--and that was all. And it was not the episode of
-Miss Lance which had revolted Bee. Had Mrs. Leigh ever heard of Aubrey’s
-adventure at the railway station, it is possible that her mind, excited
-in that direction, would have been keen enough to have divined that the
-mystery was somehow connected with that; for it was certainly Quixotic
-of a young man to put a poor woman and her children into a
-sleeping-carriage--the most expensive mode of travelling, and wholly
-beyond her condition--by a mere charitable and kindly impulse. And the
-world, which believes that nothing is given without an equivalent, might
-easily have made a story out of it. But then, Mrs. Leigh was quite
-ignorant on this point, which, as has been said, had never occurred
-again to Aubrey himself, except as one of the few actions in his life
-which he could look back upon with entire satisfaction and even a little
-complacence. And thus the only way of setting things right was
-hermetically closed.
-
-Mrs. Leigh went back to her jointure-house. It was near the sea, as has
-been said, and near a lively seaside town, where, in the summer, there
-were many visitors and a great deal going on, strangers appearing and
-disappearing from all parts of the country. But in winter there was
-nothing of the kind; the world closed up without, leaving only the
-residents, the people who were indigenous, the contracted society of
-neighbours who knew all about each other, and were acquainted with the
-same pieces of news, and, excepting by long intervals, heard but little
-of the outside gossip, or the doings of other circles. Mrs. Leigh
-returned to her natural surroundings, which knew no more of Colonel
-Kingsward and his family than people in what is called “a certain
-position” know of each other--something of his name, something of his
-connections, but nothing of his immediate circumstances. There were
-indeed many questions about Aubrey’s marriage which she had to answer as
-she could. The news of his engagement had been received with many
-congratulations. Everybody felt that poor Aubrey’s first essay at
-matrimony had been a very unfortunate one. The sooner he brings a nice
-wife to Forest-leigh the better, everybody had said. And when Mrs. Leigh
-returned after her brief absence, the many callers whom she received
-daily were full of inquiries about the marriage. It was generally
-supposed that his mother’s hasty expedition had been in some way
-connected with it. She had gone about the refurnishing, about the
-household linen, which perhaps wanted renewing, and which was not in a
-man’s sphere--about something in the settlements; at all events,
-whatever it was, her object must have been connected with the
-approaching marriage. They came down upon her full of the most eager
-questions. “I suppose the day is fixed? I suppose all the arrangements
-are made? How nice it will be to see the house opened, and
-a new, lively, young married couple to put a little life in
-everything”--matrons and little maids all concurred in this speech.
-
-“You have not heard then?” said Mrs. Leigh, with a very grave
-countenance--“everything, alas, is postponed for the moment. Mrs.
-Kingsward, a most charming woman, adored by her family, died last week.”
-
-“I told you it was those Kingswards!” one of the ladies said to another.
-
-“There are no other Kingswards that I know of,” said Mrs. Leigh, who
-always held her head so high. “I went up with Aubrey to pay them a visit
-of sympathy. There is a very large young family. I found them quite
-broken down with grief. Of course we had not the heart, either Aubrey or
-I, to press an arrangement in these dreadful circumstances. I confess I
-am rather down about it altogether. Poor little Bee, my future
-daughter-in-law, is the eldest. I am quite terrified to hear that she
-has taken some tragic resolution, such as girls are so apt to do
-now-a-days, and think it her duty to dedicate herself to her little
-brothers and sisters.”
-
-“Oh, but surely she would not be permitted to do that--when everything
-was settled!”
-
-“I hope not. I most sincerely hope not,” said Mrs. Leigh. “Naturally, I
-have not said a word to Aubrey. But girls now-a-days are so full of
-their ideas, their missions, and their duty, and all that!”
-
-“Not when they are engaged to be married,” said a scoffing lady.
-
-“I wish I could be sure of that. Miss Kingsward is only nineteen, just
-the self-sacrificing age. I wish I could be sure----. There was
-something in her eye. But, however, not a word, not a word about this. I
-still hope that as soon as a reasonable time has passed----”
-
-“It is such a pity,” said another, “where unnecessary delays are made. I
-am sure no mother would wish her daughter’s marriage to be put
-off--things are so apt to happen. I think it’s tempting Providence when
-there is unnecessary delay.”
-
-“Colonel Kingsward is a very particular man. He will allow nothing to
-be done that the most punctilious could object to. He will not have
-anything spoken of even. All the arrangements are in abeyance. It is
-most trying. Of course, I am very sorry for the family, and for him, who
-has lost so excellent a wife. But, at the same time, I can’t help
-thinking of my own son kept hanging in suspense, and all his plans
-broken up.”
-
-There was a chorus of regrets from all the visitors, one party after
-another; but from more than one group of ladies as they drove away there
-arose the most gloomy auguries, spoken amid much shaking of heads. “I
-don’t believe it will ever come to a marriage after all,” some said, “if
-Colonel Kingsward is so very particular a man, and if he hears of all
-that took place at Forest-leigh in the first wife’s time.” “Whatever
-took place,” said another, “it was her fault, as everybody knows.” “Ah,
-yes,” said the first speaker, who represented more or less the common
-voice, “I know the first wife was a little fool, and whatever happened,
-brought it all on herself. But there is never any business of that sort
-without blame on both sides.” Thus the world generally judges, having
-half forgotten what the facts of the case were, though most of the
-individuals who constitute the world could have recalled them very
-easily with an effort of memory. Still, the blurred general view is the
-one that prevails after a time, and works out great injustices without
-any evil intention at all.
-
-It was thus that Mrs. Leigh thought it prudent to forestall all remarks
-as to the postponement of her son’s marriage. She succeeded well enough,
-perhaps too well. Mrs. Kingsward’s death accounted for everything.
-Still, the impression got abroad that Aubrey Leigh, that unlucky fellow,
-had somehow broken down again. And as the days went on and silence
-closed around, further and further did Aubrey’s mother find herself from
-making any discovery. Indeed, she did not try, strong as her resolves to
-do so had been. For, indeed, she did not know what to do. How was she to
-clear up such a mystery? Had she known the neighbours about Kingswarden,
-and heard their talk among themselves, she might have been able to form
-some plan of action. But her own neighbours, who did not even know of
-Mrs. Kingsward’s death--how could she find out anything from them? She
-thought it over a great deal, and when any friend of her son’s drifted
-near her expended a great deal of ingenuity in endeavouring to ascertain
-whether there was anything in Aubrey’s life which could have injured him
-in Bee’s estimation. But Mrs. Leigh was perfectly aware, even while
-cautiously making these inquiries, that whatever his friends might know
-against him, his mother was the last person who was likely to be told.
-As a matter of fact, however, there was nothing to tell, and gradually
-this very fruitless quest died from her mind, and she did not even dream
-of pursuing it any more.
-
-And Aubrey remained in town disconsolately getting through the
-winter as best he could, neglecting all his duties of hospitality,
-keeping his house shut up, and leaving his game to be shot by the
-gamekeepers--indifferent to everything. He could not bear the place with
-which he had so many painful associations, sharpened now by the loss of
-all the hopes that had fallen so quickly of taking Bee to it, and
-beginning a real life of happiness and usefulness. What he wanted most
-in life was to fulfil all his duties--in the happiest way in which such
-duties can be fulfilled, after the methods of an English country
-gentleman with sufficient, but not too great position, money, and all
-that accompanies them. He was not an _enragé_ foxhunter, or sportsman,
-but he was quite disposed to follow all the occupations and recreations
-of country life, to maintain a hospitable house, to take his part of
-everything that was going on in the county, and above all, to efface the
-recollection of that first chapter of his life which had not been happy.
-But all these hopes and intentions seemed to have been killed in him by
-the cutting off of his new hopes. He kept up his confidence in his
-mother until he went to her at Christmas to spend with her those days of
-enforced family life which, when they are not more, are so much less
-happy than the ordinary course of life. He went down still full of hope,
-and though Mrs. Leigh received him with professions of unimpaired
-confidence, he was quick to see that she had in reality done
-nothing--for that best of all reasons, that there was nothing to do.
-“You don’t seem to have made progress, however,” he said, on the first
-night.
-
-“No, perhaps I have not made much progress. I don’t know that I expected
-to make much progress--at this time of the year. You know in winter one
-only sees one’s neighbours, who know nothing. Later on, when the weather
-improves, when there is more coming and going, when I have more
-opportunities----”
-
-This did not sound very cheerful, but it was still less cheerful when he
-saw how little even his mother’s mind was occupied with his affairs. It
-was not her fault; all the thinking in the world could not make Bee’s
-motives more clear to a woman living at a distance of three or four
-broad counties from Bee. And one of Aubrey’s married sisters was in some
-family difficulty which occupied all her mother’s thoughts. Aubrey did
-not refuse to be interested in his sister. He was willing to give
-anything he could, either of sympathy or help, to the solving of her
-problem; but, conscious of so much in his own fate that was harder than
-could fall to the lot of any comfortable, middle-aged person, it must be
-allowed that he got very tired of hearing of Mary’s troubles. He
-answered rather curtly on one or two occasions, and chilled his mother,
-whose heart was full of Mary, and who was already disposed to blame
-herself in respect to Aubrey, yet to be irritated by any suspicion of
-blame from him. On the last morning of his stay he had begged her, if
-she could abstract her thoughts for a moment from Mary, to think of him.
-“I don’t want to trouble you further, mother. I only want you to tell me
-if you think my whole business so hopeless that I had better give every
-expectation up?”
-
-“Think your business hopeless, Aubrey? Oh, no; I don’t think that.”
-
-“But we know just as much now as we did in October. I do not think we
-have advanced a step----”
-
-“If you mean to reproach me with my want of success, Aubrey!”
-
-“No--I don’t mean to reproach you with anything, mother. But I think it
-seems just as hopeless as ever--and not a step nearer.”
-
-“Things cannot be done in a moment,” she said, hurriedly. “I never
-expected--When the summer comes round, when one sees more people, when
-one can really pursue one’s inquiries----.” Mrs. Leigh was very
-conscious that she had pursued few inquiries, and the thought made her
-angry. “Rome,” she added, “was not built in a day.”
-
-Aubrey Leigh said no more--but he went back to London feeling that he
-was a beaten man, and the battle once more lost.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XXVII.
-
-
-THERE is nothing more curious in life than the way in which it closes
-over those great incidents that shape its course. Like a stone
-disappearing in a pool, the slow circles of commotion widen and melt
-away, the missile sinks into the depths of the water, and tranquility
-comes back to its surface. Every ripple is gone, and yet the stone is
-always there.
-
-This curious calm came into the life of Bee Kingsward after the
-incidents related above. The man with whom she had expected to share
-everything disappeared from her existence as if he had never entered
-into it, and a dead peace fell over her, and all things around her. It
-was at once better for Bee and worse that the mourning for her mother
-swept her away out of all the coming and going of ordinary life for a
-time--better because she was saved the torment of a perpetual struggle
-with her trouble, and worse because it shut her up to a perpetual
-recollection of that trouble. The Kingsward family remained at
-Kingswarden for the whole of that winter and spring. When the season
-began there was some question of removing to town, which Bee opposed
-strongly. “I have no wish to go out,” she said. “I could not, papa, so
-soon---- And we have no one to take us.”
-
-“You will find plenty of people ready to take you,” he said.
-
-And then Bee took refuge in tears. “Nobody--that we could endure to go
-with--so soon, so soon!--not yet a year,” she said. Betty followed her
-sister dubiously. It was natural that she should always echo what Bee
-said, but this time she was not quite so sure as usual. Not to balls?
-Oh, not to balls! was Betty’s secret comment, but--Betty felt that to
-speak occasionally to some one who was not of her own family--not the
-Rector or the Rector’s wife, the Curate or the Doctor--would be an
-advantage; but she did not utter that sentiment. After all, what was one
-season to the measureless horizon of eighteen? Bee renounced her season
-eagerly, and uttered exclamations of content when Colonel Kingsward
-announced that, in those circumstances, he had let their house in town.
-But I am not sure that she was so completely satisfied as she professed
-to be. She had dismissed Aubrey “for ever”--and yet, when the deed was
-done, a longing seized her sometimes to hear his name, that someone
-should speak of him in her presence, that she should hear accidentally
-where he was, and what he was doing. She had imagined little scenes to
-herself in which she had heard strangers saying to each other that
-Aubrey Leigh had soon got over his disappointment, that he was going to
-be married to So-and-So; or that he was going to make the tour of the
-world, or to shoot big game in Africa; or, anything in short, so long as
-it was about him. Even when she had been so determined against going
-out, there had been a hope in her mind that somehow, she did not know
-how, some news of him and what he was doing might be wafted her way
-accidentally. She did not want, she said to herself passionately, ever
-to hear his name again! Yet she had calculated on hearing as much as
-that, hearing quite accidentally, at the Royal Academy, perhaps, or
-somewhere where she might happen to be calling, that he was going to the
-ends of the earth, or that he was going to be married--things which the
-speakers might suppose were not of the slightest interest to her. She
-said all the same that she was delighted when Colonel Kingsward informed
-them that he had let the house in town--very glad! before it had time to
-get shabby, the poor old house; yet, when she retired to her room for
-the night, Bee cried, shedding many salt tears.
-
-But nothing of this was apparent in her life. The circles had all melted
-away from the still bosom of the pool. The household resumed its former
-regularity, quickened a little, perhaps, by the energetic sweeping of
-the new broom. Mrs. Kingsward had been an easy mistress about many
-trifles, which Bee, new to authority, and more enterprising than her
-mother, exacted a rigid account of. At the beginning she set all the
-servants by the ears, each of them being anxious to show that their own
-conscientiousness was perfect, and their desire to consider their
-master’s interests; but, by degrees, matters settled down with an
-increased strictness of order. “As mamma would have wished it,” Bee
-said; and she herself changed in a way that would be almost miraculous
-were it not a transformation commonly visible from time to time, from a
-light-hearted girl, full of little amusing misdemeanours and mistakes,
-into that sweet serious figure of the eldest daughter, the
-mother-sister, so often visible in England when the mistress of the
-household has been removed in early life. There is no more beautiful or
-more tender vision; it is fine at all ages, but in the first bloom of
-youth it has a pathetic grace which goes to the heart. Bee underwent
-this change quite suddenly, after a period of trouble and agitation and
-over activity. It might not perhaps have come but for the letting for
-the season of the town house, which seemed to make so complete a
-severance between her and the ordinary current of life.
-
-It was perhaps this that opened what might almost be called a new
-relationship between Bee and her brother Charlie, who was the nearest to
-her in the family, though there had not been hitherto an unusual
-sympathy between them. For one thing, Betty feeling herself a little
-forlorn in the country with all the echoes of London, which occasionally
-came to her ears, had been permitted to accept an invitation to Portman
-Square to visit a quiet elderly family, not likely to lead her into any
-dissipation out of keeping with her black frock, and Bee was virtually
-alone with the children, to whom she gave herself up with a devotion
-which was the very quintessence of motherhood. Colonel Kingsward also
-was in town--a man cannot shut himself up (this was what he said)
-whatever his private griefs may be. He must keep a calm face before the
-world, he must not allow himself to be hustled out of the way. For this
-reason, he remained in London, living in chambers, to which he had an
-official right, in the dingy official grandeur of Pall Mall, and coming
-to Kingswarden only now and then from Saturday to Monday. This sundered
-Bee still more completely from the world. And when Charlie came back
-from Oxford she was more eager to meet him, more pleased with his
-company than ever before. This was not perhaps entirely the young man’s
-mind. That he should choose to shut himself up in the country in June
-was perhaps scarcely to be expected. According to the curious rule which
-prevails in England he “did not mind” the country in January. But in
-June! However, it was soon apparent that there were other things than
-the season in Charlie’s mind. He began a series of lamentations to Bee
-upon the situation of the family and things in general, by the usual
-complaint of a young man in the country of having “nothing to do.”
-
-“A man cannot sit at home and dot up the accounts like you,” he said,
-“though I don’t say but that it’s hard upon you, too. Still, women like
-to tie up children’s sashes and that sort of thing, and calculate how
-much their boots cost in a year. I say, mother can’t have had half such
-an easy life as we all thought.”
-
-“I never thought she had an easy life,” said Bee, which was perhaps not
-exactly true, but the things that Bee had thought a year ago were so
-unlike the things she thought now that she did not believe life had ever
-appeared to her in a different light.
-
-“Well,” said Charlie, “she had a way of making it appear so. Do you
-remember that last time at the Baths? What a little thing you seemed
-then, Bee, and now here I am talking to you quite seriously, as if you
-were mother. Look here, I want you to speak to the governor for me. I am
-doing no good here. In fact, there’s nothing to do--unless I am to drop
-into drinking and that sort of thing in the village.”
-
-“Charlie!”
-
-“Well,” he said, “I can’t sit and sew strings on pinafores like you. A
-man must do something at my age.”
-
-“And what should you do at Oxford? And why do you want to go there when
-everybody is away?”
-
-“Everybody away! That is all you know. The dons are away, if that is
-what you mean. There are no lectures going on. But lectures are a mere
-loss of time. There are lots of fellows up there reading. If you want to
-read hard, now is the best time.”
-
-“How curious,” said Bee, in genuine surprise, “when all the people who
-teach are away! And I never knew that you wanted to read hard.”
-
-“No. I never was made to think that I ought to,” said Charlie, with
-rising colour. “In this house nobody thinks of anything more than just
-getting through.”
-
-Bee was a little angry as well as surprised by this censure upon the
-family. She said, “The rest of us may not be clever--but everybody says
-there are few men that know as much as papa.”
-
-“Oh, in his special subjects, I suppose, but I am not going in for the
-army, Bee,” said Charlie, the colour rising higher on his young face,
-which was still an ingenuous face, though not of a very high order. “It
-is such a wonderful thing to have your duty set before you, and how you
-ought to make the best of your life. I, for one, never thought of it
-before. I was always quite satisfied to get through and to have plenty
-of time to amuse myself; but if you come to think of it that’s a very
-poor sort of ideal for a life.”
-
-Bee looked up at Charlie with more and more surprise. He was pulling his
-young moustache nervously, and there was a great deal of emotion in his
-face. It seemed amazing to his sister that Charlie--Charlie who had
-always been on the unemotional side, should take this heroic tone, or do
-anything but laugh at the suggestion of an ideal in life. She gazed at
-him in some bewilderment. “What are you going to read?” she asked, with
-doubt and wonder in her voice.
-
-“It is just like a girl to ask a man what he is going to read! Why,
-everything. I just pushed through my mods., you know--a pass--which it
-covers me with shame to think of now. I must do something better than
-that. I don’t know that I’m very good at anything, but work, after all,
-steady work, is the great thing; and if work can do it----!” cried
-Charley, breaking off, a little breathless, with a strange light in his
-eyes.
-
-“You almost frighten me, Charlie. You were never meant for honours or a
-high degree, were you? Papa said you need not go in for honours, it
-would lose time; and you thought so, too.”
-
-“I have changed my mind,” said Charlie, nervously. “I thought, like
-other asses, that in diplomacy you don’t want much; but now I think
-differently. How are you to understand how to conduct national affairs
-and all that, and reconcile conflicting claims, and so forth, and settle
-the real business of the world----”
-
-“But Charlie, I thought it was languages, and great politeness, and--and
-even dancing, and that sort of thing, that was wanted in an attaché----”
-
-“Attachés,” said the young man, with a gravity which, serious as she
-also was, almost made Bee laugh, “are the material out of which
-ambassadors are made. Of course, it takes time----”
-
-Here Bee burst, without meaning it, into a nervous laugh.
-
-“You are so dreadfully serious about it,” she cried.
-
-“And what should a man be serious about, if not that?” the young man
-replied.
-
-Here for the moment, in great impatience on his part, and in the call
-of some little household necessity on hers, the conversation closed; but
-it was resumed as soon as the brother and sister were together again.
-The big boys were still at school, the little ones engaged with their
-lessons, and baby walking up and down in his nurse’s arms, did not
-interrupt the talk which went on between the elders of the family. And
-there is nothing with which it is so easy to indoctrinate a girl than
-enthusiasm about an ideal, whatever that may be, or sympathy in a lofty
-view of duty such as this, which had dawned, it seemed, upon her
-brother. Bee took fire, as was so natural. She said to herself, that in
-the utter downfall of her own life, it would be a fine thing to be able
-to further his, and kept to the idea of Charlie as ambassador, settling
-all sorts of difficulties and deciding the fortunes of the world for war
-or for peace, as easily as if the question had been one of leading a
-cotillion. How splendid it would be! She thought of herself as an old
-lady, white-haired, in a cap and shawl--for, in an imagination of
-twenty, there are few gradations between youth and that pathetic, yet
-satisfactory ultimate period--seated in a particular corner of a
-magnificent room at the Embassy, looking on at her brother’s triumph.
-These sort of reflected successes were the only ones she thought that
-would ever come to Bee.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XXVIII.
-
-
-“CHARLIE wishes to go up to Oxford to read. Why does he wish to go up to
-Oxford to read? And what reading is it necessary to do there?”
-
-“He says, papa, that it is easier to get on when you have all your books
-about you--and when you can arrange all your way of living for that,
-instead of the interruptions at home.”
-
-“Oh, there are too many interruptions at home? I should have thought you
-were quiet enough here. I hope you have not thrown yourself into lawn
-tennis parties, and tea parties, and that sort of thing--so soon, Bee.”
-
-Her father looked at her with a seriously reproachful air. He had begun
-to dine out pretty freely, though only in serious houses, and where, he
-explained, it would be prejudicial to him in his profession not to
-appear.
-
-The undeserved reproach brought quick tears to Bee’s eyes. “I have
-thrown myself into no parties,” she said, hastily. “Nobody has been
-here. What Charlie means is the meal times, and hours for everything,
-and all the children about. I have often heard you say that you couldn’t
-work when the children were playing about.”
-
-“My work and Charlie’s are rather different,” Colonel Kingsward said,
-with a smile.
-
-“Well, papa! but to read for a good degree, so that you may distinguish
-yourself, must want a great deal of application----”
-
-“Oh, he wants a good degree, does he? He should have thought of it a
-little earlier. And what use will that be to him in the Foreign Office?
-Let him learn French and German--that’s what he has got to do.”
-
-“But even for French and German,” said Bee. “German is dreadfully
-difficult, and Charlie does not pick up a language easily; and,
-besides,” she added, “he has nobody to teach him at home----”
-
-“And who would he have at Oxford? Why, in the Long, even the shopkeepers
-go away!”
-
-“But that is just the time for good, hard reading,” said Bee, acting on
-her instructions, “when there are no lectures or anything formal to
-interrupt you.”
-
-“He means, I suppose, when he can do whatever he likes, and there are no
-proctors nor gate bills to keep him right.”
-
-“Papa,” said Bee, earnestly, “I don’t think that is at all what Charlie
-means. I am sure that he has a real desire to get on. He says that he
-feels he has been wasting his time, and--and not--not responding
-properly to all you have done for him. He wants to make himself fit for
-anything that may happen. If you will think, papa,” she added, with the
-deepest gravity, “what a great deal of study and reading an ambassador
-must require----”
-
-“An ambassador!” Colonel Kingsward was not given to laughter, but he
-laughed now. “He may think himself fortunate if he is anything but an
-unpaid attaché for the next ten years--which is an office which does not
-require a great deal of study.”
-
-“But, papa----”
-
-“Nonsense, Bee. He wants, I suppose, complete freedom, and to amuse
-himself as he pleases, with no control. I know what it means to stay up
-at Oxford to read during the Long. Oh, yes. I don’t doubt men who know
-how to grind, grind, but Charlie is not one of them. Let him stay at
-home. You are a great deal sharper than he is at languages; you can help
-him with his German as well as anyone.”
-
-“Oh,” cried Bee, from the bottom of her heart, “not with German, not
-with German, papa!”
-
-And there came over her a sudden vision of the gardens at the Baths, the
-murmur of talk in the air, the German officers with their spurs, and one
-Englishman coming forward among them, an Englishman without spurs,
-without uniform, so much more distinguished, it had been Bee’s pride to
-think, in his simplicity, than all these bedizened warriors--and now! A
-gush of hot tears came to her eyes. There was reason enough for them
-without Aubrey Leigh, and Colonel Kingsward, whose heart was still
-tender to every recollection of his wife, did not think of the other
-memory that thrilled poor Bee’s heart. He walked up and down through the
-room for a moment saying nothing, and then he paused by her side and put
-his hand with an unusual caress upon his daughter’s bowed head.
-
-“You are right, you are right,” he said. “I could not ask that of you,
-Bee.”
-
-Oh! if I had but known! Bee felt not only miserable, but guilty, when
-her father’s touch came upon her hair. To think how little the dear
-mother’s presence told in that picture, and how much, how much! that of
-the man--who had been vulgarly untrue to her, a man without sense of
-purity or honour! One whose name she never desired to hear again. She
-could hardly accept the imputation of so much higher and nobler feeling
-which her father’s touch conveyed. The dear mother! who never condemned,
-who was always kind. She was moved to cry out in self-abasement, “It
-was not mamma I was thinking of, it was him! him!” But she did not do
-this. She raised her head and took up her work again with a trembling
-hand.
-
-“I suppose,” said Colonel Kingsward, as anxious as his daughter was to
-get away from a subject which was too moving for discussion, “that
-Charlie finds Kingswarden dull. It is not unnatural at his age, and I
-shall not object if he wishes to come to town for a week or so. His own
-good feeling, I hope, would keep him from anything unbecoming in the
-circumstances. But I must hear no more of this going to Oxford. It is
-quite out of the question. If he had shown any desire to go in for
-honours at the right time----. But now it is worse than folly. He must
-get through as quickly as he can, and take advantage of his nomination
-at once. Who can tell how soon it may be of no value? The Foreign Office
-may be thrown open, like all the rest, to every costermonger in the
-country, in a year or two, for anything one knows.”
-
-Charlie received this conclusion with disappointment, rapidly turning
-into rage and rebellion. “I should have thought the most old-fashioned
-old fogey in the world would have known better,” he cried. “What,
-prevent a man from reading when he is at the University! Did you ever
-hear of such a thing, Bee? Why, even a military man, though they are the
-most obstinate in the world, must know that to be really educated is
-everything in these days. A week in town! What do I care for a week in
-town? It is exactly like the man in the Bible who, being asked for
-bread, gave a stone.”
-
-Bee was greatly impressed by her brother’s anxiety to continue his
-studies. It filled her with a respect and admiration which up to this
-time she had never entertained for Charlie, and occupied her mind much
-with the question how, if her father were obdurate, he might be aided at
-home in those studies. She remembered suddenly that Mr. Burton’s curate
-had been spoken of as a great scholar when he came first to the parish.
-He had taken tremendous honours she had heard. And why might not he be
-secured as an aid to Charlie in his most laudable ambition? She thought
-this over a great deal as she moved about her household duties. Bee as a
-housekeeper was much more anxious than her mother had been for many
-years. She thought that everything that was done required her personal
-attention. She had prolonged interviews every morning with the cook, who
-had been more or less the housekeeper for a long time, and who (with a
-secret sense of humour) perplexed Bee with technicalities which she
-would not allow that she did not understand. The girl ordered everything
-minutely for dinner and lunch and breakfast, and decided what was to be
-for the nursery as if she knew all about it, and reproved cook gravely
-when she found that certain alterations had been made in the menu when
-those meals were served. “I assure you as that is what you ordered,
-miss,” cook said, with a twinkle in her eye. All this Bee did, not only
-because of her strong determination to do her duty, but also because
-preoccupation with all these details was her great salvation from
-thoughts which, do what she would, claimed her attention more than
-nursery puddings and the entrées that pleased papa. But while she
-pursued these labours there was still time for other thoughts, and she
-occupied herself very much with this question about Charlie. Why could
-not Mr. Delaine come to read with him? Mr. Delaine had shown an
-inclination to flirt with Betty, but Betty was now absent, so that no
-harm could be done in that direction. She thought it all out during the
-somewhat gloomy days which Colonel Kingsward spent with his family in
-the country. It rained all the Sunday, which is a doleful addition to
-the usual heaviness of a day in which all usual occupations are put
-away. Colonel Kingsward himself wrote letters, and was very fully
-occupied on Sunday afternoon, after the Church parade on Sunday morning,
-which was as vigorously maintained as if the lessening rows of little
-ones all marshalled for morning service had been a regiment--but he did
-not like to see Bee doing anything but “reading a book” on Sunday. And
-it had always been a rule in that well-ordered house that the toys
-should be put away on Saturday evening, so that the day hung rather
-heavily, especially when it rained, on the young ones’ heads. Colonel
-Kingsward did not mean to be a gloomy visitor. He was always kind to his
-children, and willing to be interested in what they did and said; but,
-as a matter of fact, those three days were the longest and the most
-severe of any that passed over the widowed and motherless house. When
-Bee came downstairs from the Sunday lesson, which she gave in the
-nursery, she found her brother at the writing-table in the drawing-room,
-composing what seemed a very long letter. His pen was hurrying over the
-page; he was at the fourth side of a sheet of large paper--and opened
-out on the table before him were several sheets of a very long,
-closely-written letter, to which he was evidently replying. When Bee
-appeared, Charlie snatched up this letter, and hastily folding it,
-thrust it into its envelope, which he placed in his breast pocket. He
-put the blotting paper hastily over the letter which he was himself
-writing, and the colour mounted to his very forehead as he turned half
-round. It was not any colour of guilt, but a glow of mingled enthusiasm
-and shamefacedness, beautiful upon the face of a youth. Bee was too
-young herself to admire and appreciate this flush of early feeling, but
-she was so far sympathetic in her own experience, that she divined
-something at least of what it meant.
-
-“Oh, Charlie!” she said, “you are writing to someone----”
-
-“Most assuredly, I am writing to someone,” he said, with the half pride,
-half shame of a young lover.
-
-“Who is she?” cried Bee. “Oh, Charlie, tell me! Oh, tell me! Do I know
-who it is?”
-
-“I don’t know,” he said, “what you are making such a fuss about. I am
-writing to--a friend.” He paused a moment, and then said with
-fervour--“the best friend that ever man had.”
-
-“A friend,” cried Bee, a little disappointed. “But isn’t it a lady?” she
-asked.
-
-“I hope,” he said, with a haughty air, “that you are not one of those
-limited people that think there can be no friendship between a man and a
-woman, for if that’s so I’ve got nothing to say.”
-
-Bee was scarcely philosophical enough to take up this challenge. She
-looked at him, bewildered, for a moment, and then said, “Oh, tell me
-about her, Charlie! It would do me good--it would, indeed, to hear about
-somebody whom there could not be any objection to, who would be,
-perhaps, happier than me,” cried poor little Bee, the tears coming to
-her eyes.
-
-“Happier than you? And why shouldn’t you be happy?” said the elder
-brother. He made an effort to turn away in dignified silence, but the
-effort was too much for the young man, longing to talk of the new thing
-in his life. “There is no comparison at all between a little thing like
-you and--and the lady I was writing to,” he said, holding his head high.
-“If you think it is any sort of nonsense you are very much mistaken.
-Why, she--she is as much above me as heaven is from earth. That she
-should take the trouble to show any interest in me at all, just proves
-what an angel she is. I, an idle, ordinary sort of fellow, and she!--the
-sort of woman that one dreams of. Bee, you can’t think what she has done
-for me already,” Charlie cried, forgetting his first defiance. “I’m
-another fellow ever since she began to take notice of me.”
-
-Bee stole to her brother’s side and gave him a sympathetic stroke upon
-his shoulder. “Oh! Charlie! what is her name?”
-
-“You wouldn’t know her name if I were to tell you,” he said. And then,
-after a moment’s hesitation: “Her name,” he went on, “her real name as I
-call it, is Laura, like Petrarch’s Laura, don’t you know, Bee? But I
-don’t suppose you do know.”
-
-“Yes, indeed, I do,” said Bee, eagerly. She added in her turn, “I
-shouldn’t have thought you would know anything like that.”
-
-“No; I’m not up to it,” said Charlie, with unexpected humility; “but I
-read it all up as soon as she said it. Don’t you think it’s a beautiful
-name?”
-
-“Yes,” said Bee, yet not with enthusiasm. “But, oh!” she added, “I hope
-she is not married, Charlie; for that would not be nice at all.”
-
-“Married!” cried Charlie. “I wish you were not such a horrid
-little--Philistine. But she is not married, if that is any satisfaction
-to you.”
-
-“And is she--beautiful, Charlie? and are you very, very fond of her? Oh,
-Charlie!” Bee clasped his arm in both her hands and sobbed. It made her
-feel wretched, yet filled her with a delicious tender sense of
-fellow-feeling. If he would only tell her all! It would be hard upon
-her, and yet it would be a sort of heavenly pang to hear another, and,
-oh! surely, this time, a happy love tale. Bee sat down close by him, and
-clasped his arm, and sometimes leaned her head upon it in the warmth of
-her tenderness and sympathy. And Charlie was persuaded, by degrees, to
-speak. But his tale was not like Bee’s. It was a tale of a lady who had
-stooped as from her throne to the young fellow of no account--the
-ordinary young man, who could not understand how she had come to think
-of him at all. It was she who had inspired him with his new ambition,
-who had made him so anxious to distinguish himself, to make something of
-his life. She had taken the trouble to write to him, to keep him up to
-it since he had come “down.” She had promised to let him come to see her
-when he came “up” again, to inspire him and encourage him. “One look at
-her is better than a dozen coaches,” Charlie cried, in the fervour of
-his heart.
-
-“Do you mean that you are going to see her--in town?” asked Bee,
-doubtfully.
-
-“In town? No. She detests town. It’s all so vain and so hollow, and such
-a rush. She came to live in Oxford at the beginning of last term,”
-Charlie said.
-
-“Oh,” said Bee, and she found no more to say. She did not herself
-understand how it was that a little chill came upon her great sympathy
-with Charlie and this unknown lady of his--friendship, if not love.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XXIX.
-
-
-COLONEL KINGSWARD, however, could not be moved either by Bee’s
-representations or by anything said by his son to grant to Charlie the
-permission, and the funds necessary, to pursue his studies in Oxford by
-going “up” to read “in the Long.” It was indeed very little that Charlie
-said to his father on the subject. He responded somewhat sullenly to the
-Colonel’s questions.
-
-“So I hear you want to go back to Oxford to read?”
-
-“Yes,” said the young man.
-
-“You have generally found before this that by the end of the term you
-had had too much reading.”
-
-No reply.
-
-“I suppose you want to be free of supervision and do exactly what you
-please. And you find it dull at home?”
-
-“I have never said so,” said Charlie.
-
-“You ought to feel that in the circumstances it was appropriate that it
-should be dull. Good heavens! Were you contemplating amusing yourself,
-rioting with your comrades, when your poor mother--”
-
-“I have never thought of rioting with comrades,” said Charlie, with
-averted head.
-
-“One knows what that means--going up to read in the Long: boats and
-billiards and hotels, bands of young men in flannels lounging about, and
-every decorum thrown to the winds.”
-
-The Colonel looked severely at his son, who stood before him turning
-over the pages of a book in his hand, with lowering brows and closed
-mouth.
-
-“You think I don’t know,” he said, sharply; “but you are mistaken. What
-would have been best for you would have been the discipline of a
-regiment. I always thought so, but at least I’m not going to permit
-every decent bond to be broken through.”
-
-“I think, sir,” said Charlie, “that it’s enough to say ‘No,’ without
-accusing me of things I never thought of.”
-
-“I am the best judge of what is enough,” said the angry father. “If you
-want a week or so in town, I don’t object; but Oxford in the Long--No. I
-only hope,” he added severely, “that there’s no woman in the case.”
-
-Charlie’s countenance flushed crimson. He gave his father a furious
-glance. “If that’s all,” he said, “I may now go, perhaps?”
-
-“Yes, go,” said the Colonel, angrily. He was himself sorry for that last
-insinuation as soon as his son had left the room. His angry
-suspiciousness had carried him too far. Not that he blamed himself for
-the suspicion, but he was aware that to speak of it was a false step and
-could do no good. If there was a woman in the case, that flying dart
-would not move the young man to penitence or turn him from any dangerous
-way. Colonel Kingsward, however, quickly forgave himself for this
-inadvertence, and reflected with satisfaction that, at least, he had
-prevented the young fool from making an ass of himself for this summer.
-And in such cases absence is the best remedy and hinders much mischief.
-Charlie rejected with indignation the week in town which his father
-offered. “A week in town!” he said to Bee, contemptuously, “to waste my
-time and debase all my ideas! What does he think I want with a week in
-town? That’s the way a fellow’s father encourages him to do the best he
-can. Cuts off all inspiration, and throws one on the dregs of life! It’s
-enough to make a man kick over the traces altogether.”
-
-“But, Charlie,” said Bee, with timidity, “don’t you think it’s very,
-very quiet here. We have nothing to disturb us. If you were to try to do
-your work at home?--you would have the library to sit in all the week
-while papa is in town.”
-
-“Out of reach of books, out of reach of any coach--it’s like telling a
-mason to build a wall without any stone.”
-
-“The library is full of books,” said Bee, with a little indignation.
-
-“What kind of books? Military books, and travels, and things for
-reference--old peerages, and so forth--and some of the heavy old
-reviews, and a few novels. Much good a man who is going in for real
-reading would get out of those!”
-
-“But you have your own books--all those that you carry about with you,
-Charlie.”
-
-“Oh!” he said, with impatience, “What are they? Horrible cribs and
-things, that I promised not to use any more.”
-
-“Does Laura,” said Bee, with a little awe, “say you are not to use
-cribs?”
-
-“And as for the quiet,” said Charlie, continuing his strain of
-complaint, “if you call that quiet! When you never know that next moment
-there may not be a rush down the nursery stairs like wild horses let
-loose, and shrieks all over the house for Bee or for nurse, sending
-every idea out of a man’s head; or else baby screaming fit to bring down
-the house. You know nothing about it, to be sure; it is like talking to
-the wind to talk to a little thing like you. A man can’t work unless
-he’s in the right place for working. If any difficulty arises in a
-passage, for instance, what do you think I am to do here?”
-
-“Do you go to---- Laura, when there is a difficulty about a passage,
-Charlie?”
-
-“No, you little fool!” With a flush of anger and shame he begged her
-pardon next minute. “But it is so hard to explain things to you, Bee.
-You are so ignorant--naturally, for, of course, you never were taught
-anything. Don’t you know that Oxford is full of coaches?” he said.
-
-“That was just what I was thinking of, Charlie--if you will not be
-angry, but let me speak.”
-
-“Speak away,” he said. This was on Monday, after Colonel Kingsward had
-left. The days which he spent at Kingswarden were the heaviest, as has
-been said, to the young party; nevertheless when he went away the blank
-of that long world of a week, without any communication to speak of from
-without, closed down alarmingly upon the elders of the family. Even when
-papa was cross, when he was dissatisfied with his dinner or found fault
-with the noise of the children, it was more or less an event. But when
-he departed there was a sense of being cut off from all events,
-separated from the world altogether, shut out from the news and the hum
-of society, which was very blank and deadening. Bee and Charlie dined
-alone, and it was dreary; they spent the evening together, or else--one
-in the library, one in the garden, where the beauty of the summer
-evening was terrible to the one poor little girl with her recollections,
-incapable of shutting them out in that utter stillness, and trying very
-ineffectually not to be unhappy. When Charlie threw open the window of
-the library and strolled forth to join her, as he generally did, it was
-a little better. Bee had just done very conscientiously all her duties
-in the nursery--had heard the children say their prayers, in which they
-still, with a little pause of awe, prayed God to bless dear mother--and
-had made all the valorous little efforts she could to keep down the
-climbing sorrow. When she heard the sound of the library window she
-quickly dried her eyes and contrived to smile. And she was a very good
-listener. She suffered Charlie to talk about himself as much as he
-pleased, and was interested in all he said. She made those little
-allusions to Laura which pleased him, though he generally answered with
-a scornful word, as who should say that “a little thing like you” was
-incapable of comprehending that lady. But this was the sole diversion of
-these young people in the evening. People called in the afternoon, and
-there was occasionally a game of tennis. But in the evening they were
-almost invariably alone.
-
-They were strolling about the garden on this occasion when the young man
-bewailed himself. Bee, though she made those allusions to Laura, had
-never got over that little chill in respect to her which had arisen in
-the most capricious, causeless way when she knew that Laura lived in
-Oxford. Nothing could be more unreasonable, but yet it was so. It
-suggested something fictitious in her brother’s eagerness to get back,
-and in his supposed devotion to his work. Had his Egeria been anywhere
-else Bee would not have felt this; but she did feel it, though she could
-not tell why. She was very anxious to please him, to content him, if
-possible, with his present life, to make her sympathy sweet to him,
-seeing that he had nobody but herself to console him, and must be
-separated from Laura until October. Poor Charlie! It was hard indeed
-that this should be the case, that he should have so dull a home and no
-companion but his sister. But it could not be helped; his sister, at
-least, must do what she could.
-
-“You must not be angry,” said Bee, very humbly. “It is only an idea that
-has come into my head--there may be nothing at all in it--but don’t
-please shut me up as you do sometimes--hear me out. Charlie! there is
-Mr. Delaine.”
-
-“Mister--what?” said Charlie, which indeed did not show a very
-complaisant frame of mind--but a curate in the country is of less
-importance in the horizon of the son of a house who is at Oxford than he
-is in that of the daughter at home.
-
-“Mr. Delaine,” repeated Bee. “You don’t remember him, perhaps, at all.
-He is the curate. When he came first he was said to be a great scholar.
-He took a first class. You need not say, pooh! Everybody said so, and it
-is quite true.”
-
-“A first in theology, I suppose,” said Charlie, disdainfully.
-
-“No, not that--that’s not what people call a first. Mr. Burton, I have
-always heard, is a good scholar himself, and he said a first; of course
-you know better than I do what that means.”
-
-“Well,” said Charlie, “and supposing for the sake of argument that he
-took a first--what then?”
-
-“Why, Charlie dear! He is an Oxford man too; he must know all the things
-you want to know--difficult passages and all that. Don’t you think,
-perhaps----”
-
-“Oh, a coach!” cried Charlie. Then he paused, and with withering satire,
-added “No doubt, for little boys--your curate might do very well, Bee.”
-
-“He is not my curate,” said Bee, with indignation; “but I have always
-heard he was a great scholar. I thought that was what you wanted.”
-
-“It is not to be expected,” said her brother, loftily, “that you should
-know what I want. It is not a coach that is everything. If that were
-all, there need be no such things as universities. What a man needs is
-the whole machinery, the ways of thinking, the arrangements, the very
-atmosphere.”
-
-He strolled along the walk with his hands in his pockets and his
-shoulders up to his ears.
-
-“I do not think it is possible,” he added, turning to her with a
-softened tone, “that I could make you understand; for it is so different
-from anything you have ever known.”
-
-“I hope I am not so dreadfully stupid!” said Bee, incensed. “If Laura
-understands, why should it be so impossible for me?”
-
-“Oh, for goodness’ sake talk of things you can know something about; as
-if there was any comparison between her and you.”
-
-“I think you are very uncivil,” said Bee, ready to weep. “I may not be
-clever, but yet I am your sister, and it is only because I wanted to
-help you that I took the trouble to speak at all.”
-
-“You are very well meaning, Bee, I am sure,” said Charlie, with
-condescension; “I do full justice to your good intentions. Another
-fellow might think you wanted to have Delaine here for yourself.”
-
-“Me!” cried Bee, with a wild pang of injured feeling and a sense of the
-injustice, and inappropriateness, the cruel wrong of such a suggestion.
-And that Charlie could speak like that--who knew everything! It was
-almost more than she could bear.
-
-“But I don’t say that,” he went on in his lofty tones. “I know you mean
-well. It is only that you don’t--that you can’t understand.” How should
-she? he said to himself with amusing superiority, and a nod of his head
-as if agreeing to the impossibility. Bee resented the tone, the
-assumption, the comparison that was implied in every word.
-
-“I wonder,” she cried, “if you ever tell Laura that she doesn’t and
-can’t understand?”
-
-He stopped short opposite to her, and grasped her arm. “Bee,” he said
-almost solemnly, “Don’t! If you knew her you would know what folly it is
-and presumption to compare yourself for one moment!--and do me the
-favour not to profane that name, as if it were only a girl’s name like
-your own.”
-
-“Is she a princess, then?” cried Bee, “or an angel? Or what is she?”
-
-“She is both, I think,” said Charlie, in a voice full of awe, “at least
-to me. I wish you wouldn’t talk of her in that way. I am sorry I ever
-told you her name. And please just let my affairs alone. You haven’t
-been able to do anything for me with my father, which is the only thing
-you might have done--and I don’t want to discuss other things with you.
-So please just let my concerns alone from this day.”
-
-“It was not I that ever wished to interfere!” cried Bee, with great
-mortification and resentment, and after a few minutes’ silent walk
-together in much gloom and stateliness the brother and sister bade each
-other an offended and angry good-night.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XXX.
-
-
-THIS made, however, but a very temporary breach between Bee and her
-brother. They were a little stiff next morning at breakfast, and
-elaborately refrained from talking on any but the most trivial things,
-but by noon this reserve had broken down, and in the evening, though Bee
-proudly refrained from any reference to Laura, they were as confidential
-as ever. Bee’s mind had passed through various vicissitudes in respect
-to the object of Charlie’s adoration. Her first overwhelming interest
-had given way to a little doubt, and this was naturally strengthened by
-the overweaning estimate of the unknown which Charlie thrust upon her. A
-girl is very willing to admire at second-hand her brother’s love, but
-when she is told that it is presumption to compare herself with that
-divinity, her sympathy is strained too far. Bee began to have an uneasy
-feeling about this unknown Laura. It was one thing to stimulate Charlie
-to work, to stir up all that was best in him, to urge him to distinguish
-himself, for Charlie’s sake or for their joint sakes, if they married
-and became one--which was the only thing that could happen in Bee’s
-idea--but it was quite another thing to pretend an enthusiasm for this
-in order that Charlie should be kept within her reach and at her feet
-during that quiet time of the long vacation. Bee knew enough to know
-that severe work is not compatible with much love-making. She imagined
-her brother strolling away from his books to take Laura out on the
-river, or lie at her feet in the garden, which had become the habit of
-his life, as he betrayed to her accidentally. Bee thought, with a little
-indignation, that the lofty intentions which would probably end in these
-proceedings were of the nature of false pretences, and that the girl
-whom Charlie endowed with the most superlative qualities should not
-attempt to take him from his home for such reason; or, at least, if she
-did should do it frankly for love’s sake--which was always a thing to be
-forgiven--and not on any fictitious pretence.
-
-For Charlie, being refused that heroic way of working, “going up to
-read,” did not read at all, as was apparent to his sister’s keen eyes.
-He did not attempt to do the best he could, being prevented from doing
-what he desired. He settled himself, it is true, in the library after
-breakfast, with his books, as if with the intention of working, but
-before Bee got through the little lesson which she gave every morning to
-the little ones, Charlie was out strolling about the garden, or lying on
-the grass in the shade with a book, which was usually a novel, or one
-which lay closed by his side while he abandoned himself to thought--to
-thought, not about his books it was to be feared, for Bee, with tremors
-of sympathy in her heart, recognised too well the dreamy look, the
-drooped eyelids, the air astray from anything going on around. From
-questions of study, as far as Bee had perceived in her short experience,
-the merest footstep on a path, the dropping of a leaf, was enough to
-rouse the student. Charlie’s thoughts were of a far more absorbing kind.
-
-Colonel Kingsward suggested once more the week in town, when he came on
-another Saturday evening to Kingswarden. He was a man not very open to a
-perception of the wants of others, but as time went on, and he himself
-became more and more sensible of the ameliorating influences of society
-and occupation, the stagnant atmosphere at home, where his two elder
-children were vegetating, so much against all their previous habits,
-struck him with a sensation which he could not wholly get the better of.
-It was only right that Bee, at least, should remain in the country and
-in retirement the first summer after her mother’s death. It would have
-been most unbecoming had she been in town seeing people, and
-necessarily, more or less, been seen by the world. But yet he felt the
-stillness close round him like a sensible chill, and was aware of the
-great quiet--aggravated by his own presence, though of this he was
-scarcely aware--as if it had been a blight in the air. It made him angry
-for the moment. In other times his house in the country had always been
-refreshing and delightful to him. Now, the air, notwithstanding that it
-was full summer, chilled him to the bone.
-
-When you are escaping from the atmosphere of grief, anything that draws
-you back to it feels like an injury. He was very cross, very impatient
-with the silence at table, the subdued looks of the young people, and
-that they had nothing to say. Was it not worse for him than for them? He
-was the one who had lost the most, and to whom all ministrations were
-due, to soften the smart of sorrow. But afterwards his thoughts towards
-his children softened. It was very dull for them. On the Sunday evening
-he took the trouble to press that week in town upon Charlie. “There’s a
-spare closet you can have at my rooms at the office,” he said. “It’s
-very central if not much else, and I daresay your friends will ask you
-out quietly as they do me. I think even you might bring up Bee for the
-day to see the pictures. She could stay the night with the Hammonds and
-see Betty.”
-
-“Oh, don’t think of me, papa,” cried Bee. “I would rather, far rather,
-stay at home. I don’t care for the pictures--this year.”
-
-“That is foolish, my dear,” said the Colonel. “There is nothing in the
-least unbecoming to your mourning in going there. Indeed, I wish you to
-go. You ought not to miss the pictures, and it will be a little change.
-Of course, I cannot go with you myself, but Charlie will take you, and
-you can go to Portman Square to sleep. You will see Betty, who must be
-thinking of coming home about now; indeed, it is quite necessary you
-should settle that with her. She can’t stay there all the season, and it
-is rather heartless leaving you like this alone.”
-
-“Oh, no, papa. It is I that wish her to stay. She would have come back
-long ago but for me.”
-
-Bee’s generous assumption of the blame, if there was any blame, excited
-her father’s suspicion rather than admiration. He looked at her somewhat
-severely. “I cannot conceive what object you can have in preferring to
-be alone,” he said. “It is either morbid, or--In either case it makes it
-more desirable that Betty should come back. You can arrange that. We
-will say Wednesday. I suppose you will not be nervous about returning
-home alone?”
-
-“But, papa--”
-
-“I consider the question settled, Bee,” said Colonel Kingsward, and
-after that there was nothing more to be said.
-
-Poor Bee wept many tears over this compulsory first step back into the
-world--without her mother, without---- She did not mean (as she said in
-her inmost thoughts) _anyone else_; but it made the whole world vacant
-around her to think that neither on one side nor the other was there
-anyone to walk by her side, to take her hand, to make her feel that she
-was not alone. Nevertheless, it cannot be denied that, in the morning,
-this was the first thought that came into her mind, with a faint
-expansion of her young being. The change, though it was not joyful, was
-still something; and when she set out with Charlie on Wednesday morning
-her heart, in spite of herself, rose a little. To see the pictures! The
-pictures are not generally very exciting, and there was not, as it
-happened, a sensation in any one of them in this particular year, even
-had Bee been capable of it, which she was not. But yet she had a
-sensation, and one of the most startling description. As she was going
-languidly along, looking at one picture after another, mechanically
-referring to the catalogue, which conveyed very little idea to her mind,
-her attention was suddenly attracted by a lady standing in front of one
-of the chief pictures of the year. She was talking with great animation
-to some friends who surrounded her, pointing out the qualities and
-excellencies (or non-excellencies, for Bee was not near enough to hear)
-of the picture. She was picturesquely dressed in black, a tall and
-commanding figure, with a great deal of lace about her, and a fine
-profile, clearly cut and impressive. Bee’s whole attention was called to
-her as by a charm. Where had she seen her before? She seemed acquainted
-with every detail of her figure, and penetrated by a vague reminiscence
-as of someone who had been of personal importance to herself, though she
-could not tell when or how. “Who is she? Oh, who is she?” Bee asked
-herself. She was very handsome--indeed Bee thought her a beautiful
-woman; not young, which is a thing always noted with a certain pain and
-compassion by a young girl--but full of grace and interest. While Bee
-gazed, open-eyed, forgetful of herself--a young figure, very
-interesting, too, to behold, in her deep mourning, and with the complete
-forgetfulness of herself involved in that wistful, inquiring, and
-admiring gaze--the lady turned round, presenting her full face to the
-girl’s troubled vision. Bee felt her breath come short, her heart beat.
-She fell back hurriedly upon a vacant place on one of the benches which
-someone had charitably left empty. Bee did not know who the woman was,
-nor what possible connections she could have with her own fate, and yet
-there was a conviction in the girl’s heart that she had to do with it,
-that somehow or other her life was in this woman’s hands. It was the
-lady whom she had met that autumn morning last year in the firwoods
-round the Baths, where Bee had gone to finish her sketch--the lady who
-had appeared suddenly from among the trees, who had sat down by her, and
-pointed out the errors in the little picture, and advised her how to
-put them right. The black lace which was so conspicuous in the
-stranger’s dress, seemed to sweep over Bee as she passed, with the same
-faint, penetrating odour, the same thrill of unaccountable sensation.
-Bee could not take her eyes from this figure as it moved slowly along,
-pausing here and there with the air of a connoisseur. Who was she? Who
-was she? Bee turned as she turned, following her with her eyes.
-
-And then there occurred the most wonderful incident, so strange, so
-unsuspected, so unaccountable, that Bee could scarcely suppress a cry of
-astonishment. Charlie had been “doing” the pictures in his way, going
-faster than his sister, and had been roaming down the whole side of the
-long gallery while Bee occupied herself with one or two favourites. He
-appeared now at a little distance, having made the round of the room,
-and Bee was the involuntary, much surprised witness of the effect
-produced upon Charlie by the sudden appearance which had so much excited
-herself. He stopped short, with it seemed a sudden exclamation, let the
-book in his hands drop in his amazement, then, cleaving the crowd,
-precipitated himself upon the group in which the lady stood. Bee watched
-with consternation the hurried, eager greeting, the illumination of his
-boyish face, even the gesture--both hands put forth, and the quiver of
-his whole eager figure. She even heard a little cry of surprise from the
-lady, who presently separated herself from her friends and went on with
-Charlie in the closest conversation. It seemed to Bee as she watched,
-following them as well as she could through the crowd which got between
-her and these two figures, that there were no two heads so close
-together in all the throng. They seemed to drift into a corner where the
-pictures were of no importance, where they were comparatively
-undisturbed as if for the most confidential talk. It was not mere
-acquaintanceship, a chance meeting with some one he knew, it was utter
-forgetfulness of everything else, complete absorption in this new
-interest that seemed to move her brother. For a time Bee formed no
-conclusion, thought of no explanation, but watched them only with all
-her faculties. The catalogue which Charlie had dropped was shuffled and
-kicked to her feet by the passers by, a visible sign that something
-unusual had happened. What was it? Who was she?
-
-And then there darted into Bee’s mind a suggestion, an idea which she
-could not, would not entertain. Laura! Was it possible that this could
-be Laura? The thought sent a thrill through and through her. But no! no!
-no! she cried within herself; impossible! This lady was years older than
-Charlie--of another generation altogether--not a girl at all. She gazed
-through the crowd at the two heads in the corner of the room, standing
-as if they were looking at the pictures. They had their backs to Bee,
-and she could see nothing but occasionally a side glimpse of Charlie’s
-cheek and the lace bonnet, with the unusual accompaniment of a floating
-veil, which covered his companion’s head. She had remembered the veil at
-once--not primly fastened over her face, as most ladies wore them, but
-thrown back and falling behind, a head-dress such as nobody else wore.
-It distinguished from every other head that of the woman who, Bee now
-felt sure, was like somebody in a tragedy of Fate--somebody who had to
-do, she could not tell how, with the shipwreck of her own life--for had
-she not appeared mysteriously, from she knew not where, on the very eve
-of misery and ruin?--and now was overshadowing Charlie’s, bringing him
-some calamity. Bee shivered and trembled among all the crowding people
-on the seat which so many people envied her, and felt that she was
-retaining far longer than her share. She was too much frightened to do
-as she could have wished to do, to rush after them, to draw her brother
-away, to break the spell. Such a dark lady had been known in story long
-before Bee was born. Could it be true that hateful beings were permitted
-to stray about even in the brightest scenes, bringing evil augury and
-all kinds of trouble with them? Many a time had Bee thought of this
-lady--of her sudden appearance, and of her questions about the Leighs;
-of something in her look, an air of meaning which even at the moment had
-confused the unsuspicious, unalarmed girl. And now, What was she? Who
-was she? Laura? Oh, no, no; a hundred times no. If Bee could have
-supposed that her respectable father or any member of her innocent
-family could have wronged anyone, she would have thought it was a
-ghost-lady ominous of trouble. Oh, what a silly thought in broad
-daylight, in the Academy of all places in the world! There was very
-little that was visionary or superstitious in such a place.
-
-Charlie came back to join his sister after a considerable time with a
-glowing face. “Oh, you are there!” he cried. “I’ve been looking
-everywhere for you. I couldn’t think where you could have gone----”
-
-“I should have seen you had you been looking for me,” said Bee.
-
-“Well, never mind, now that I have found you. Have you seen as much as
-you wish? It’s time to be moving off if you mean to get to Portman
-Square in time for tea.”
-
-“Charlie,” said Bee, very gravely, getting up and moving with him
-towards the door, “who is that lady you were talking to with the black
-lace about her head?”
-
-“What lady?” said Charlie, with a very fictitious look of surprise, and
-the colour mounting all over his face. “Oh, the lady I met--that lady?
-Well, she is a lady--whom I have met elsewhere----”
-
-“I have met her, too,” cried Bee, breathless, “down at the Baths just
-before---- Oh, who is she--who is she, Charlie? I think she is one of
-the Fates.”
-
-“You little goose,” cried her brother, and then he laughed in an
-unsteady way. “Perhaps she is--if there was a good one,” he cried. “She
-is,” he added, in a different tone, and then paused again; “but I
-couldn’t tell you half what she is if I were to talk till next week--and
-never in such a noisy, vulgar place as this.”
-
-Then Bee’s mind, driven from one thought to another, came suddenly back
-with a jar and strain of her nerves to the question about Laura; was it
-possible that this should be she?--for it was the tone sacred to Laura
-in which her brother now spoke. “Oh! tell me about her, tell me about
-her!” she cried, involuntarily clasping her hands--“she isn’t--is she?
-Oh, Charlie, you will have time to tell me when we get into the park.
-Didn’t she want to speak to me? Why didn’t you introduce me to her if
-she is such a great friend of yours?”
-
-“Hush! for goodness’ sake, now; you are making people stare,” said
-Charlie. He hurried down the stairs and across the road outside, making
-her almost run to keep up with him. “I say, Bee,” he cried hurriedly,
-when he had signalled to a hansom, “should you mind going by yourself? I
-hate driving when I can walk. Why, you’ve been in a hansom by yourself
-before! You’re not going to be such a little goose as to make a fuss
-about it now.”
-
-“Oh, but Charlie--I’d rather walk too, and then you can tell me--”
-
-“Oh, nonsense,” he cried, “you’re tired already. It would be too much
-for you. Portman Square, No.--. Good-bye, Bee. I’ll look up later,” he
-cried, as, to Bee’s consternation, the wheels of the hansom jarred upon
-the curb and she felt herself carried rapidly away.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XXXI.
-
-
-PORTMAN SQUARE had seemed to Bee the first step into the world, after
-all that had happened, but when she was there this gentle illusion
-faded. It was not the world, but only another dry and faded corner out
-of the world, more silent and recluse than even Kingswarden had become,
-for there were no voices of children within, and no rustle of trees and
-singing of birds without. The meeting with Betty was sweet, but the air
-of the little old-fashioned tea-table, the long, solemn dinner, with the
-butler and the footman stealing like ghosts about the table, which was
-laid out with heavy silver and cut glass, with only one small bunch of
-flowers as a sacrifice to modern ideas in the middle, and the silence
-of the great drawing-room afterwards, half lighted and dreary, came with
-a chill upon the girl who had been afraid of being dazzled by too much
-brightness. There were only the old lady and the old gentleman, Betty
-and herself, around the big table, and only the same party without the
-old gentleman afterwards. Mrs. Lyon asked Bee questions about her
-excellent father, and she examined Bee closely about her dear mother,
-wishing to know all the particulars of Mrs. Kingsward’s illness.
-
-“I can’t get a nice serious answer from Betty. She is such a little
-thing; and she tells me she was not at home through the worst,” Mrs.
-Lyon said.
-
-It was not a subject to inspire Bee, or enable her to rise above the
-level of her home thoughts. Betty did not seem to feel it in the same
-way. She was in a white frock with black ribbons, for Mrs. Lyon did not
-like to see her in black, “such a little thing, you know.” Bee wondered
-vaguely whether she herself, only a year-and-a-half the elder, was
-supposed to be quite middle-aged and beyond all the happier surroundings
-of life. Mrs. Lyon gave her a great deal of advice as to what she ought
-to do, and talked much of the responsibilities of the elder sister. “You
-must teach them to obey you, my dear. You must not let down the habit of
-obedience, you must be very strict with them; a sister has more need
-even than a mother to be very strict, to keep them in a good way.” Bee
-sat very still, while the old lady prosed. It was so silent but for that
-voice, that the ticking of the clock became quite an important sound in
-the large dim room. And Bee strained her ears for the sound of a hansom
-drawing up, for Charlie’s step on the pavement. Many hansoms stopped at
-neighbouring houses, and footsteps sounded, but Charlie did not make his
-appearance. “My brother said he would look in later,” she had told Mrs.
-Lyon when she arrived. “Well, my dear, we shall hope he will,” the old
-lady had said, “but a young man in London finds a hundred engagements.”
-And Betty, who had been so serious, who had been so sweet, a perfect
-companion at the time of their mother’s death, more deeply penetrated by
-all the influences of the time than Bee herself, now flitted about in
-her white frock, with all her old brightness, and sang her little song
-without faltering, to show Bee what progress she had made since she had
-been taking lessons. Bee could scarcely yet sing the hymns in church
-without breaking down, though to be sure a girl who was having the best
-lessons would be obliged to get over that. After the long evening when
-they were at last alone together, Betty did not respond warmly to Bee’s
-suggestion that she should now be thinking of returning home. “You seem
-to think of nothing but the children,” she said; “you can’t want me,” to
-which Bee could only reply that there were more things than the children
-to think of, and that she was very lonely and had no one to talk to----
-
-“But you have Charlie,” said Betty.
-
-“Charlie is very full of his own concerns. He has not much sympathy with
-me. All that he wants is to get back to Oxford.”
-
-“To Oxford in the vacation? What would he do there?”
-
-“He says he would work,” said Bee.
-
-“Oh, Bee, how nice of Charlie! I know they do sometimes, Gerald Lyon
-tells me; but I never thought that Charlie----”
-
-“No,” said Bee, “and I don’t feel very sure now, there is someone---- to
-whom he writes such long letters----”
-
-“Oh, Bee! This is far, far more interesting than reading! Do you know
-who she is? Does he tell you about her?”
-
-“Her name is Laura,” said Bee, “that is all I know.”
-
-“Oh,” cried Betty, “Charlie too!” And then a flush came over the girl’s
-uplifted face. Bee, poor Bee, absorbed in the many things which had
-dawned upon her which were beyond Betty, did not observe the colour nor
-even that significant “too” which had come to Betty’s lips in spite of
-herself.
-
-“I think he met her or someone belonging to her--at the Academy to-day;
-and that’s why he hasn’t come---- Oh, Betty, I am not happy about it--I
-am not happy at all!”
-
-Betty put her arms round Bee and kissed her. She thought it was the
-remembrance of her own disappointment and disaster which made her sister
-cry out in this heart-broken way. Betty looked very wistfully in Bee’s
-eyes. She was more sorry than words could say. If she could have done
-anything in the world “to make it all come right” she would have done
-so, and in the bottom of her heart she still had a conviction that all
-would “come right.” “Oh, Bee, Bee!” she cried, “cannot anything be done?
-If only--only you would have listened to his mother!--Bee----”
-
-Bee held up a warning finger. “Do you think it is myself I am thinking
-of?” she said, and then, wringing her hands, she added, “I don’t know
-what harm we have done to bring it on, but, oh! I think we are in the
-hands of fate.”
-
-What did this mean? Betty thought her sister had gone out of her mind,
-and Bee would make no explanation. But I think this strange conversation
-made Betty rather less willing to return home. She was the darling of
-the house in Portman Square; though they did not go into society, they
-had all manner of indulgences for Betty, and took her to the Park, and
-encouraged the visits of their nephew, Gerald, who was a very merry
-companion for the girl. He was permitted to take her to see various
-sights, and the old people, as usual, did not perceive what was
-beginning to dawn under their very eyes. Betty was such a little thing.
-The consequence was that, though Bee thought Portman Square still duller
-than Kingswarden, her little sister was not of that opinion. Bee
-accordingly went back alone next day, Betty accompanying her to the
-railway station. Neither at Portman Square nor at the railway station
-did Charlie appear, and it was with a heavy heart that Bee went home. It
-seemed to her as she travelled alone, for, I think, the first time in
-her life--she was not yet quite twenty--that everyone was following his
-or her own way, and that only she was bearing the whole burden of the
-family. Her father had returned to his own world, his club, his dinners,
-official and otherwise. It was indispensable that he should do so. Bee
-had understood, it being impossible for a man in his position to
-withdraw from the world on account of any private feeling of his own.
-And Betty had flashed back again into her music, and her white frock,
-and was seeing everything as of old. And Charlie--oh, what was Charlie
-doing, drifting off into some tragic enchantment? The poor girl’s heart
-was very heavy. There seemed only herself to think of them all in their
-separate paths, one here and another there, going further and further
-off in so many different directions from the event which had broken the
-unity of the family, yet surely should have held them together in their
-common trouble. That event had gone into the regions of the past. The
-time of the mother was over, like a tale that is told. There were still
-the children in the nursery, and Bee, their guardian, watching over
-them--but the others all going off, each at their separate angle. It is
-hard enough to realise this, even when age has gained a certain
-insensibility, but to the girl, this breaking up of the family was
-terrible. “I--even I alone remain,” she was inclined to say with the
-prophet, and what could she do to stop the closing of these toils of
-Fate? Her mind gradually concentrated on that last and most alarming
-theme of all--the woman, the lady, without a name or history, or any
-evident link with the family, who had thus, for the second time,
-appeared in the path. Bee tried to fall back upon her reason, to
-represent to herself that she had no real cause for assuming that the
-stranger of whom she knew nothing, who might simply have been walking
-through that German wood, and have stopped by chance to speak to the
-little English girl with her stupid sketch, had anything to do with the
-disaster which so soon overtook that poor little English girl in the
-midst of her happy love. She had no reason, none, for thinking so. She
-tried to represent to herself how foolish she had been to entertain such
-a notion, how natural and without meaning the incident had been. And now
-again, for the second time, what reason had she to believe that anything
-fatal or even dangerous to Charlie was in this lady’s appearance now?
-She was a distinguished-looking woman, much older than Charlie. What was
-more likely than that such a woman, probably by her looks a married
-lady, a person of importance, should have a great deal of influence over
-a youth like Charlie if she took notice of him at all? All this was
-very reasonable. There was far more sense in it than in that foolish
-terror and alarm which had taken possession of her mind. She had almost
-persuaded herself that these apprehensions were foolish before she
-reached home, and yet the moment after she had succeeded in reasoning it
-all out, and convincing herself how foolish they had been, they had
-risen up in a crowd and seized her anxious mind again.
-
-It was some days beyond the week which Charlie had been allowed in town
-when he came back. He was in agitated spirits, with a look of mingled
-excitement and exhaustion, which gave Bee many alarms, but which she was
-not sufficiently skilled or experienced to interpret. Colonel Kingsward
-had not come home in the interval, having gone somewhere else to spend
-his weekly holiday, and when he did come there were various colloquies
-between him and his son, which were evidently of a disturbing kind. Some
-of these were about money, as was to be made out by various allusions.
-Charlie had either been spending too much, or had set up a claim to
-more in the future, a claim which his father was reluctant to allow. But
-it seemed that he had come out triumphant in the end, to judge by their
-respective looks, when they issued from the library together, just
-before Colonel Kingsward left for town.
-
-“I hope, at least, you’ll make good use of it,” were the father’s last
-words--and “you may trust me, sir,” said Charlie, with all the elation
-of victory.
-
-He was in great spirits all day, teasing the children, and giving Bee
-half confidences as to the great things he meant to do.
-
-“They shan’t put me off with any of their beastly Governorships at the
-end of the world,” said Charlie. “I shall play for high stakes, Bee, I
-can’t afford to be a mere attaché long, but they shan’t shelve me at
-some horrible African station, I can tell you. That’s not a kind of
-promotion that will suit me.”
-
-“But you will have to go where you are sent,” said Bee.
-
-“Oh, shall I?” cried Charlie, “that is all you know about it. Besides,
-when a man has a particularly charming wi----” He stopped and coughed
-over the words, and laughed and grew red.
-
-“Do you think your manners are so particularly charming?” said Bee, with
-familiar scorn, upon which Charlie laughed louder than ever and walked
-away.
-
-Next day he left home hurriedly, saying he was going to make a run for a
-day or two to “see a man,” and came back in the same excited, exhausted
-state on Saturday morning, before his father returned--a process which
-was repeated almost every week, to the great consternation and trouble
-of Bee. For Charlie never mentioned these absences to his father, and
-Bee felt herself spell-bound, as if she were incapable of doing so. How
-could she betray her brother? And the letters to Laura ceased. He had no
-time now to write these long letters. Neither did he receive them as
-used to be the case. Had the correspondence ceased, or was there any
-other explanation? But Charlie talked but little to his sister now, and
-not at all on this subject, and thus the web of mystery seemed to be
-woven more and more about his feet--Bee alone suspecting or fearing
-anything, Bee alone entirely unable to make it clear.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XXXII.
-
-
-THE year went on in its usual routine, the boys came back from school,
-there was the usual move to the seaside, all mechanically performed
-under the impulse of use, and when the anniversary came round of the
-mother’s death, it passed, and the black dresses were gradually laid
-aside. And everything came back, and everybody referred to Bee as if
-there had always been a slim elder sister at the head of affairs. Betty
-came home at the end of the season with a sentiment in respect to Gerald
-Lyon, and with the prospect of many returns to Portman Square, but
-nothing final in her little case, nothing that prevented her from being
-one of the ringleaders in all the mischief which inevitably occurred
-when the family were gathered together. Bee had become so prematurely
-serious, so over-wrought with the cares of the family, that Betty, who
-was too energetic to be suppressed, gradually came to belong rather to
-the faction of the boys than to share the responsibilities of the elder
-sister, which might have been her natural place. The second Christmas,
-instead of being forlorn, like the first, was almost the gayest that had
-been known in Kingswarden for many years. For the boys were growing, and
-demanded invitations for their friends, and great skating while the
-frost lasted, which, as the pond at Kingswarden was the best for a great
-number of miles round, brought many cheerful youthful visitors about the
-house. Colonel Kingsward was nothing if not correct; he did not neglect
-the interests of any of his children. He perceived at once that to have
-Bee alone at the head of affairs, without any support, especially when
-his own time at home was so much broken by visits, would be bad at once
-for her “prospects,” and for the discipline of the family. He procured
-a harmless, necessary aunt accordingly, a permanent member of the
-household, yet only a visitor, who could be displaced at any time, to
-provide for all necessary proprieties, an arrangement which left him
-very free to go and come as he pleased. And thus life resumed its usual
-lightness, and youth triumphed, and things at Kingswarden went on as of
-old, with a little more instead of less commotion and company and
-entertainment as the young people developed and advanced.
-
-It was perhaps natural enough, too, in the circumstances that Charlie,
-though the oldest son, should be so little at home. He came for
-Christmas, but he did not throw himself into the festivities with the
-spirit he ought to have shown. He was in a fitful state of mind,
-sometimes in high spirits, sometimes overclouded and impatient,
-contemptuous of the boys, as having himself reached so different a line
-of development, and indifferent to all the family re-unions and
-pleasures. Sometimes it seemed to Bee, who was the only one in the
-family who concerned herself about Charlie’s moods, that he was anxious
-and unhappy, and that the air of being bored which he put on so readily,
-and the hurried way in which he rushed out and in, impatient of the
-family calls upon him, concealed a secret trouble. He complained to her
-of want of money, of his father’s niggardliness, of the unhappy lot of
-young men who never had any “margin,” who dared not spend an extra
-shilling without thinking where it was to come from. But whether this
-was the only trouble, or how it came about that he had discovered
-himself to be so poor, Bee, poor child, who knew so little, could not
-divine. How miserable it was that it was she who was in the mother’s
-place! Mamma would have divined, she would have understood, she would
-have helped him through that difficult passage, but what could Bee do,
-who knew nothing about life, who thought it very likely that she was
-making mountains out of molehills, and that all young men were bored and
-uneasy at home--oh, if people would only be all good, all happy with
-each other, all ready to do what pleased the whole, instead of merely
-what pleased themselves!
-
-To Bee, so prematurely introduced into the midst of those jars and
-individual strivings of will and fancy, it seemed as if everything might
-be made so easy in life by this simple method. If only everybody would
-be good! The reader may think it was a nursery view of human life, and
-yet what a solution it would give to every problem! Colonel Kingsward
-then would have been more at home, would have been the real father who
-commanded his children’s confidence, instead of papa, whose
-peculiarities had to be studied, and in whose presence the children had
-to be hushed and every occasion of disturbance avoided, and of whom they
-were all more or less afraid. And Charlie would have been more or less a
-second to him, thoughtful of all, chivalrous to the girls, fond of home,
-instead of, as he was, pausing as it were on one foot while he was with
-his family, anxious only to get away. And Bee--well, Bee perhaps would
-have been different too had that new, yet old, golden rule come into
-full efficacy. Oh, if everybody, including always one’s own self, would
-only be good!
-
-It makes the head go round to think what a wonderful revolution in the
-world generally the adoption of that simplest method would produce. But
-in poor Bee’s experience it was the last rule likely to be adopted in
-Kingswarden, where, more and more to the puzzled consciousness of the
-girl not able to cope with so many warring individualities, everyone was
-going his own way.
-
-It was in the early spring that Colonel Kingsward came down from town to
-Kingswarden, looking less like the adoption of this method than ever
-before. The children were in the hall when he came, busy with some great
-game in which various skins which were generally laid out there were in
-use as properties, making, it must be allowed, a scene of confusion in
-that place. The Colonel was not expected. He had walked from the
-station, and the sound of his voice stopped the fun with a sudden horror
-of silence and fright, which, indeed, was not complimentary to a father.
-Instead of greetings, he asked why the children were allowed to make
-such a confusion in the place, with a voice which penetrated to the
-depths of the house and brought Bee and Betty flying from the
-drawing-room.
-
-“Papa!” they both cried, in surprise, mingled with alarm. Colonel
-Kingsward walked into the room they had left, ordering peremptorily the
-children to the nursery, but finding certain friends of Betty’s there,
-in full enjoyment of talk and tea, retreated again to his library, Bee
-following nervously.
-
-“Is your brother here?” he asked, harshly, establishing himself with his
-back to the fire.
-
-“My brother?” echoed Bee, for indeed there were half-a-dozen, and how
-was she to know on the spur of the moment which he meant.
-
-Colonel Kingsward looked, in the partial light (for a lamp which smoked
-had been brought in hurriedly, to make things worse), as if he would
-have liked to seize his daughter and wring her slender neck. He went on
-with additional irritation: “I said your brother. The others, I have no
-doubt, will provide trouble enough in their turn. For the moment it is,
-of course, Charlie I mean. Is he here?”
-
-“Papa! Why, he is at Oxford, you know, in the schools----”
-
-Colonel Kingsward laughed harshly. “He was going in for honours, wasn’t
-he? Wanted to go up to read in the long vacation--was full of what he
-was going to do? Well, it has all ended in less than nothing, as I might
-have known it would. Read that!” he cried, tossing a letter on the
-table.
-
-Bee, with her heart sick, took up and opened the letter, and struggled
-to read, in her agitation, an exceedingly bad hand by an indifferent
-light. She made out enough to see that Charlie had not succeeded in his
-“schools,” that he had not even secured a “pass,” that he had incurred
-the continual censure of his college authorities by shirking lectures,
-failing in engagements, and doing absolutely no work. So far as was
-known there was nothing against his moral character, but---- Bee, to
-whom the censure of the college sounded like a sentence of death, put
-down the dreadful letter carefully, as if it might explode, and raised
-large eyes, widened with alarm and misery, to her father’s face.
-
-“Oh, papa!” was all that she could say.
-
-“I telegraphed to him to come home at once and meet me here. The fool,”
-said Colonel Kingsward, pacing about the room, “is capable of not doing
-that--of going away--of----”
-
-“Papa, they say there is nothing against his character. Oh! you couldn’t
-think that he would--do anything dreadful; not disappear, not----” Bee
-said the rest in an anguish of suspicion and ignorance with her eyes.
-
-“God knows what an idiot like that may do! Things are bad enough, but he
-will, of course, think them worse than they are. There is one thing we
-may be sure of,” he said, with a fierce laugh, “Charlie will do nothing
-to make himself uncomfortable. He knows how to take care of himself.”
-Colonel Kingsward walked up and down the room, gnawing the end of his
-moustache. The lamp smoked, but he took no notice of it. “There is one
-thing certain,” he said, “and that is, there’s a woman in it. I remember
-now, he was always thinking of something; like an ass, I supposed it was
-his studies. No doubt it was some Jezebel or other.”
-
-“Papa,” said Bee.
-
-“Speak out! Has he told you anything?” He stopped in front of her, and
-stood looking with threatening eyes into her face. “If you keep back
-anything from me,” he said, “your brother’s ruin will be on your head.”
-
-“Papa,” said Bee, faltering, “it is not much I know. I know that there
-was a lady who lived in Oxford----”
-
-“Ah! The long vacation,” he exclaimed, with another angry laugh.
-
-“He used to write long letters to her, and he told me her name.”
-
-“That is something to the purpose. What was her name?”
-
-“He said,” said Bee, in a horror of betraying her brother, yet impelled
-to speak, “he said that she was called--Laura, papa.”
-
-“What?” he cried, for Bee’s voice had sunk very low; and then he turned
-away again with an impatient exclamation, calling her again a little
-fool. “Laura, confound her! What does that matter? I thought you had
-some real information to give.”
-
-“Papa,” said Bee, timidly, “there is a little more, though perhaps it
-isn’t information. When he took me to the Academy in summer I saw him
-meet a lady. Oh, not a common person, a beautiful, grand-looking lady.
-But it could not be the same,” Bee added, after a pause, “for she was
-much older than Charlie--not a young lady at all.”
-
-“Why didn’t you tell me this at the time?” cried Colonel Kingsward. “Can
-one never secure the truth even from one’s own children? I should have
-sent him off at once had I known. What do you mean by not young at all?”
-
-“I should think,” said Bee, with diffidence and a great anxiety not to
-exaggerate such a dreadful statement, “that she might perhaps have
-been--thirty, papa.”
-
-“You little idiot,” her father kindly replied.
-
-Why was she a little idiot? But Bee had not time to go into that
-question. The evening was full of agitation and anxiety. The poor little
-girl, unused to such sensations, sat through dinner in a quiver of
-anxious abstraction, listening for every sound. There were several
-trains by which he might still come, and at any moment when the door
-opened Charlie might present himself, pale with downfall and distress,
-to meet his father’s angry look, whose eyes were fixed on the door
-whenever it opened with as much preoccupation as Bee’s--with this
-difference, that Bee’s eyes were soft with excuses and pity, while those
-brilliant steely eyes which shone from beneath her father’s dark brows,
-and which were the originals of her own, blazed with anger. When dinner
-was over, which he hurried through, disturbing the servants in their
-leisurely routine, Colonel Kingsward again called Bee to him into the
-library. She was the only person to whom he could talk of the subject of
-which his mind was full, which was the sole reason for this great
-distinction, for he had very little patience with Bee’s trembling
-remarks. “Don’t be a little fool,” was the answer he made to any timid
-suggestion upon which she ventured; but yet there was a necessity upon
-him to discuss it with someone, and Bee, however inadequate, had this
-burden to bear.
-
-“If the woman is the kind you say, and if she thinks there’s anything to
-be made by it--why the fool may have married her,” he cried. “Heavens!
-Think of it; married at three and twenty, without a penny! But,” he
-added, colouring a little, “they are very knowing, these women. She
-would find out that he was not worth her while, and probably throw him
-off in time.”
-
-“Oh, papa!” cried Bee, horrified by the thought that her brother might
-be deserted in the moment of his downfall.
-
-“That is the best we can hope. He will have Kingswarden, of course, when
-I die, but not a penny--not a penny in the meantime to keep up any such
-ridiculous--Listen! Is that the train?”
-
-There was a cutting near Kingswarden through which the thundering of the
-train was heard as it passed. This had been a great grievance at first,
-but it was not without its conveniences to the accustomed ears of the
-household now. They both listened with anxiety, knowing that by this
-time it must have stopped at the station and deposited any passenger,
-and for the next half-hour watched and waited; Bee, with all her being
-in her ears, listened with an intensity of attention such as she had
-never known before, holding her breath; while Captain Kingsward himself,
-though he kept walking up and down the room, did so with a softened
-step which made no sound on the thick carpet, not uttering a word,
-listening too. To describe all the sounds they heard, or thought they
-heard, how often the gate seemed to swing in the distance, and the
-gravel start under a quick foot, would be endless. It was the last
-train; if he did not come now it would be clear that he did not mean to
-come. And it was now too late for any telegram. When it was no longer
-possible to believe that he could have been detained on the way, Colonel
-Kingsward drew a long breath of that disappointment which, in the
-yielding of nervous tension, is almost for the moment a relief.
-
-“If there is no letter to-morrow morning I shall go up to Oxford,” he
-said, “and, Bee, if you like, you can come with me. You might be of use.
-Don’t say anything to Betty or your aunt. Say you are going with me to
-town by the early train, and that you may possibly not return till next
-day. There is no need for saying any more.”
-
-“Yes, papa,” said Bee, submissively. That was all he knew! No need for
-saying any more to Betty, who had known every movement her sister made
-since ever she was born! But, at all events, Bee made up her mind to
-escape explanation so far as she could to-night. She paused for a moment
-at the door of the drawing-room as she passed. No more peaceful scene
-could have been presented. Betty was at the piano singing one song after
-another, half for practice, half to amuse the aunt, who sat dozing in
-her chair by the fire. The others had gone to bed, and careless youth
-and still more careless age, knowing nothing of any trouble, pursued
-their usual occupations in perfect composure and calm. The aunt knitted
-mechanically, and dozed in the warmth and quiet which she loved, and
-Betty went on singing her songs, indifferent to her audience, yet
-claiming attention, breaking off now and then in the middle of a line to
-ask “Do you like that, Aunt Ellen? Are you paying any attention, Aunt
-Ellen?” “Yes, my dear, I like it very much,” the old lady said, and
-dozed again. Bee turned away with a suppressed sob. Where was Charlie?
-In disgrace, perhaps heart-broken, deserted by his love, afraid to meet
-his father! It was foolish to think that he was out in the night,
-wandering without shelter, without hope, for there was no need of any
-such tragic circumstances, but this was the picture that presented
-itself to Bee’s aching and inexperienced heart.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XXXIII.
-
-
-CHARLIE was not in his rooms at College, he had not been there for some
-days, and nobody could furnish any information as to where he was.
-Colonel Kingsward had left Bee in the hotel while he went on to make his
-inquiries. He was very guarded in the questions he asked, for though he
-was himself very angry with his son, he was still careful for Charlie’s
-reputation, explaining even to the college porter, who was very well
-acquainted with the eccentricities of the gentlemen, that he had no
-doubt his son had returned home, though they had unfortunately crossed
-each other on the way. The Colonel tried to keep up this fiction even
-with the sympathetic Don, who made matters so much worse by his
-compassion, but who was very full and detailed in his relation of poor
-Charlie’s backslidings, the heaviness of whose gate bill and the amount
-of whose sins and penalties were terrible to hear. He had attended no
-lectures, he had written no essays, he had been dumb and blank in every
-examination.
-
-“Out of consideration to you, Colonel Kingsward, the College has been
-very forbearing, and shut its eyes as long as possible.”
-
-“I wish, sir, the College had shown more common sense and let me know,”
-the Colonel cried, in wrath; but that did not throw any light upon the
-subject.
-
-As it turned out, Charlie had not “gone in” for his “schools” at all. He
-had done nothing that he ought to have done. What things he had done
-which he ought not to have done remained to be discovered. His stern
-father did not doubt that a sufficient number of these actual offences
-would soon be found to add to the virtues omitted. He went back to the
-hotel where Bee had been spending a miserable morning, and they sat
-together in gloom and silence.
-
-“You had better go home,” he said to her. “He may have got home by this
-time, and I don’t see what use you can be here.”
-
-Bee was very submissive, yet begged hard to return as far as London, at
-least, with her father; to wait for another day, in case some trace of
-the prodigal might be found. Many such parties have occupied the dreary
-hotel rooms and stared in vain out of the windows, and watched with sick
-hearts the passing throng, the shoals of undergraduates, to their eyes
-all dutiful and well-doing, while the one in whom they are concerned is
-absent, in what evil ways they know not. Poor Bee was too young to feel
-the full weight of such alarms but she was as miserable as if she had
-known everything that could happen in the vagueness of her consciousness
-of despair and pain. What Charlie could have done, what would become of
-him, what his father would do or could do, were all hidden from Bee. But
-there was in it all a vague misery which was almost worse than clear
-perception. Colonel Kingsward, with all his knowledge of the world, was
-scarcely less vague. He did not know how to find out the secrets of an
-under-graduate. Charlie had friends, but all of them protested that
-they had seen very little of him of late. He had fallen off from sports
-and exercise as much as from study. He had scarcely been on the cricket
-ground all the summer; he had given up football; “boating on the river
-with ladies,” he had been seen, but not recently, for the floods were
-out and such amusements were no longer practicable. At night the Colonel
-knew almost as little about his son as when he had arrived full of
-certainty that the whole matter could be cleared up in a few hours.
-
-Next day began gloomily with another visit to the Don, whom Colonel
-Kingsward hoped to have seen the last of on their former exasperating
-interview. As he had discovered nothing elsewhere, he went back again to
-the authority, who had also hoped on his side to be free from the
-anxious but impatient father, and they had another long talk, which
-ended like the first in nothing. The college potentate had no idea where
-the youth could have gone. Charlie had left most of his property still
-in his rooms; he had gone out with only a little bag, nobody suspecting
-him of an intention to “go down.” After they had gone over the question
-again, the Don being by no means as sympathetic as the first time, and
-contributing a good deal to Colonel Kingsward’s acquaintance with his
-son’s proceedings--a sudden light was for the first time thrown upon the
-question by a chance remark. “You know, of course, that he had friends
-in Oxford?”
-
-“Like other young men, I suppose. I have seen several of them, and they
-can give me no information.”
-
-“I don’t mean undergraduates: people living in the town--ladies,” said
-the Don, who was a young man, almost with a blush. And after sending for
-Charlie’s scout, and making other inquiries, Colonel Kingsward was
-furnished with an address. He went back to the hotel quickly, in some
-excitement, to inform Bee of the new clue he had obtained, but he
-scarcely reached the room where she was awaiting him when he was told
-that a lady had just asked for him downstairs. Bee was sent off
-immediately to her room while her father received this unexpected
-visitor. Bee had been watching at the window all the morning, looking
-down upon that world of young men, all going about their work or their
-pleasure, all in their fit place, while Charlie was no one knew where.
-The poor girl had been breaking her heart over that thought, wistfully
-watching the others among whom he ought to have been, feeling the pang
-of that comparison, sometimes imagining she saw a figure like his in the
-distance, and watching, as it approached, how every trace died away.
-Where was he? Bee’s young heart was very sore. The vacancy was appalling
-to her, filling itself with all kinds of visionary shapes of terror. She
-could not think of him only as wandering away in misery and despair,
-feeling himself to have failed, ashamed and afraid to look anyone in the
-face. She scarcely understood her father when he hurried her out of the
-sitting-room, but obeyed him with a sense of trouble and injury though
-without knowing why.
-
-Bee spent a very forlorn hour in her room. She heard the sound of the
-voices next door. Her father’s well known tones, and a low voice which
-she felt must be a woman’s. She would have been much tempted to listen
-to what they said if it had been possible, but there was no door between
-the rooms, and she could only hear that a long and close conversation
-was going on, without making out a word of it. She was very restless in
-her anxiety, wandering from the window to the door, which she opened
-with a desire to hear better, which defeated itself--and to see better,
-though there was nothing to be seen. It seemed to Bee that half the day
-was over before the sound of movement in the sitting-room warned her
-that the conference was breaking up. Even after that there was a long
-pause, and the talking went on, though it moved closer to the door. Bee
-had gradually grown in excitement as those sounds went on. She stole to
-her own half-open door, as the one next to it was opened, and the
-visitor came forth attended with the greatest courtesy by Colonel
-Kingsward, who accompanied her to the stairs. There the lady turned
-round and gave him her hand, turning her face towards the spot where the
-unsuspected watcher stood gazing with eyes of wonder and terror.
-
-“Not another step,” she said, with a sweet but decided voice. “The only
-thing I will ask from you, Colonel Kingsward, will be a line, a single
-line, to say that all is well.”
-
-“You may rely upon that,” the Colonel said, bowing over the hand he
-held, “but may not I see you to your carriage, call your servant?”
-
-“I am walking,” she said, “and I am alone; come no further, please; one
-line to say that all is well.” He still held her hand and she gave it a
-little, significant pressure, adding in a low tone: “And happy--and
-forgiven!”
-
-Bee stood as if she had been turned to stone; a little, clandestine
-figure within the shelter of the door. It was a beautiful face that was
-thus turned towards her for a minute, unconscious of her scrutiny, and
-the voice was sweet. Oh, not a woman like any other woman! She said to
-herself that she remembered the voice and would have known it anywhere;
-and the look, half kind, yet with a touch of ridicule, of mockery in it.
-This was evidently not what the Colonel felt. He descended a few of the
-stairs after her, until turning again with a smile and with her hands
-extended as if to drive him back, she forbade his further attendance. He
-returned to the sitting-room thoughtfully, yet with a curious, softened
-expression upon his face, and a few minutes afterwards, not at once, he
-came to the door again and called Bee. There was still a smile lingering
-about his lips, though his mouth had stiffened back into its usual
-somewhat stern composure.
-
-“Come in,” he said, “I have something to tell you. I have had a very
-strange visit--a visit from a lady.”
-
-“I saw her,” said Bee, under her breath, but her father was too much
-pre-occupied to hear.
-
-“If this was, as I suppose, the lady whom you and your brother met, you
-are right, Bee, in thinking her very remarkable. She is one of the
-handsomest women I ever saw, and with a charm about her, which--. But,
-of course what you want to hear is about Charlie. I am glad to tell you
-that she has very much relieved my mind about Charlie, Bee.”
-
-Bee stood before her father with her hands folded, with the most
-curious sense of revolt and opposition in her mind--looking at him, a
-spectator would have said, with something of the sternness that was
-habitual to him, but so very inappropriate on her soft brow. She made no
-reply to this. Her countenance did not relax. Relieved about Charlie?
-No! Bee did not believe it. Pity and terror for Charlie seemed to take
-stronger and stronger possession of her heart.
-
-“It is a long story,” he said. “Sit down, you have got a way of standing
-staring, my dear. I wish you had more womanly models like the lady I
-have just been talking to--perfectly clear and straightforward in what
-she said, but with a feminine grace and sweetness. Well, it appears that
-Charlie had the good luck to get introduced to this lady about a year
-ago. Sit down, I tell you, I won’t have you staring at me in that rude
-way.”
-
-There was a little pause, and Bee sat down abruptly, and not very
-gracefully. Colonel Kingsward could not but remark the difference. He
-followed her movements for a moment with his eyes, and then he began
-again--
-
-“For all I can make out, he has been treated with a kindness which
-should have done everything for a young man. He has been invited to the
-house of these ladies--he has met all sorts of people who ought to be of
-use to him, whom it was a distinct advantage to meet--he has been kept
-out of the usual foolish diversions of young men. So far as I can make
-out, there is nothing against his character except what these
-Don-fellows call idleness--a thing that scarcely tells against a young
-man in after-life, unless he is a parson, or a schoolmaster, or
-something of that kind. Even the missing of his degree,” said the
-Colonel, pulling his moustache reflectively, “is of little importance
-among practical men. So long as he can get through in his modern
-languages, and so forth, of what importance are the classics? I am very
-much relieved in my mind about Charlie. She thinks he must have gone
-straight down to London, instead of going home.”
-
-“Who is the lady, papa?”
-
-Bee’s interest in Charlie seemed to have dropped, as the Colonel’s had
-done, for the moment. His advocate had made herself the first person on
-the horizon.
-
-“The lady? So far as I can make out she is living here with some
-friends, up in the district called the Parks, where a great many people
-now live. She says she has always taken an interest in the
-undergraduates, who are left so sadly to themselves, and that, being of
-an age to make it possible, she has wished very much to devote herself
-to do what she could for these boys. Unfortunately, with her unusual
-personal attractions----.” The Colonel stopped short and bit his
-moustache. “After all her kindness to your brother, encouraging him in
-his work and setting his duty before him--and no elder sister, no
-mother, could have been kinder, from all she tells me--the foolish boy
-repaid her good offices by--what do you think? But you will never
-guess.”
-
-“And I will never, never believe it,” cried Bee, “if it was
-anything--anything that was not nice on Charlie’s part!” Her voice was
-quite hoarse in her emotion, her secret fury against this woman, of whom
-she knew nothing, rising more and more.
-
-“You little fool!” her father said, rising and standing up against the
-mantel-piece. He laughed angrily, and looked at her with his most
-contemptuous air. “One would think that even in their cradles women must
-begin to hate women,” he said.
-
-Bee, who hated no one unless it was this woman whom she feared but did
-not know, grew angry red. Her blue eyes flashed and shone like northern
-lights. The cruel and contemptuous assumption which touched her pride of
-sex, added vehemence to the other emotion which was already strong
-enough, and roused her up into a kind of fury.
-
-“If she says anything bad of Charlie I don’t believe it,” she cried,
-“not a word, not a word! Whatever he has done she has driven him to it!”
-Then Bee was suddenly silent, panting, terrified or afraid that her
-little outburst of passion would close all further revelations.
-
-“It seems unnecessary to add another word in face of such fierce
-prejudice!”
-
-“Oh, papa, forgive me. Tell me; I shall say nothing more.”
-
-“You have said a great deal too much already. After this,” he said,
-sarcastically, “you will perhaps think that your brother--of three and
-twenty, without a penny or a prospect--did Miss Lance honour by forcing
-a proposal upon her, making love to her at the end of all----”
-
-“Miss Lance!” Bee said, with a sharp cry.
-
-The Colonel took no notice of the interruption. He went on with a kind
-of disdainful comment to himself rather than to her.
-
-“After all, there are things which a lady has to put up with, which we
-don’t take into consideration. A young fool whom she has been kind to,
-knowing he has nobody near to look after him, no mother”--his voice even
-grew a little tender at this point--“and by way of reward the idiot
-falls in love with her, asks a woman like that to share his
-insignificant little life! Jove! What a piece of impertinence!” the
-Colonel said, with an angry laugh.
-
-“Did you say,” said Bee, with faltering lips, “Miss Lance, papa?”
-
-He turned upon her with a look of extreme surprise.
-
-“Why shouldn’t I have said Miss Lance? What is there unusual in the
-name?”
-
-Bee looked at him with a dumb rebellion, an almost scorn and passion far
-greater than his own. He had forgotten the name--but Bee had not
-forgotten it. The fact that Bee’s own young life had suffered shipwreck
-had perhaps escaped from his memory altogether, though it was she who
-had done it. Bee looked at him with her blue eyes blazing, remembering
-everything that he had forgotten. Her brother had gone out of her mind,
-and all the history of his Laura, and the way in which he had been
-enfolded in this fatal web. She went back to her own wrongs--forgetting
-that she had keenly confirmed her father’s decision and rejected Aubrey
-on what she thought to be other and sufficient grounds. She thought only
-of the moment when sudden darkness had fallen upon her in the first
-sunshine of her life, and she had struggled against the rigid will of
-her father, who would listen to no explanations--who would not
-understand. And all for the sake of this woman--the spider who dragged
-fly after fly into her net; the witch, the enchantress of whom all
-poems and stories spoke! Her exasperation was so intense that she forgot
-all the laws of respect and obedience in which her very being had been
-bound, and looked at her father as at an equal, an enemy whom she
-scorned as well as feared.
-
-“What is the meaning of these looks,” he said, “I am altogether at a
-loss to understand you, Bee. Why this fury at a name--which you have
-never heard before, so far as I know.”
-
-“You think I have never heard it before?” said Bee, in her passion. “It
-shows how little you think of me, or care for anything that has happened
-to me. Oh, I have heard it before, and I shall hear it again, I know. I
-know I shall hear it again. And you don’t mind, though you are our
-father! You don’t remember!” Bee was still very young, and she had that
-fatal woman’s weakness which spoils every crisis with inevitable tears.
-Her exasperation was too great for words. “You don’t remember!” she
-cried, flinging the words at him like a storm; and then broke down in a
-passion of choking sobs, unable to say more.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XXXIV.
-
-
-TO do Colonel Kingsward justice, he was taken entirely by surprise by
-Bee’s outburst. He had no remembrance of the name. The name had been
-wholly unimportant to him even at the time when it had come under his
-notice. The previous claimant to Aubrey Leigh’s affections had been “the
-woman,” no more, to his consciousness. He did not remember anything
-about the business now, except that there was a story about a woman, and
-that he would not permit his young daughter to marry a man concerning
-whom such a story existed. Even after Bee had left him, when he really
-made an effort to pursue into the recesses of his mind anything that was
-connected with that name, he could not make it out. Was it perhaps a
-tyrannical governess? but that would not explain the girl’s vehement
-outcry. He had not thought for a long time of Bee’s interrupted love,
-and broken-off engagement. Of what consequence is such an episode to so
-young a girl? And there were other matters in his mind of what seemed a
-great deal more importance. Whatever was the source of Bee’s previous
-knowledge of Miss Lance, she hated that singularly attractive woman, as
-it is usual for the sex--Colonel Kingsward thought--to hate
-instinctively every other woman who is endowed with unusual attractions.
-
-What a magnificent creature that woman was! How finely she had talked of
-the undeveloped boy to whom she had hoped to be of service, and with
-what genuine feeling, half-abashed, distressed, yet not without a gleam
-of amusement, she had told him of the wonderful scene at the end, when
-Charlie had asked her to marry him.
-
-“Me! A woman who might be his mother!” she had said, with beautiful
-candour; though it was not candour, it was more like jest, seeing that
-she was still young--young enough to turn any man’s head. And she had
-added hastily, “It must have been my fault. Somehow I must have led him
-astray, though I was so far from intending it. A boy like your son would
-not have done such a wild thing had he not supposed----” She put up her
-hands to her face to hide a blush. “That is the worst of us, poor
-women,” she had said, “we cannot show an interest even in a boy but he
-supposes--oh, Colonel Kingsward, can’t you imagine what I felt, wishing
-solely to be of use to your son, who is such a good, ingenuous, _nice_
-boy--and finding in a moment, without the least warning, that he had
-mistaken me like _that_!”
-
-Colonel Kingsward was of opinion, and so was everybody who knew him,
-that he was by no means an impressionable man; but it would be
-impossible to say how touched he had been by that explanation. And she
-was so sorry for Charlie. She avowed that, after what had happened, she
-would have considered herself inexcusable if she had not come to his
-father, however unpleasant it might be to herself, to show him how
-little, how very little, Charlie was to blame.
-
-“You must not--must not be angry with him,” she had said, joining her
-hands in appeal. “Oh, forgive him; it is so much my fault. If I could
-but bear the penalty! But I cannot endure to think that the poor boy
-should be punished when all the time I, who am so much older than he is,
-am the one to blame. I ought to have known better. I am at your mercy,
-Colonel Kingsward. You cannot say anything worse to me than I have done
-to myself; but he, poor boy, is really not to blame.”
-
-The Colonel had no wish to say anything to her that was uncomplimentary.
-He entered into her position with the most unusual sympathy. Perhaps he
-had never had so warm a feeling of understanding and affection for
-anyone before. The compassion and the appeal was something quite new and
-original to him. He was not a man to be sympathetic with the troubles of
-a middle-aged spinster--an elderly flirt, as he would probably have
-called her, had he heard the story at second hand; in such a case he
-would have denounced the mature siren in the terms usual to men of
-experience. But the presence of this lady made all the difference. She
-was not like anyone else. The usual phrases brought forward on such
-occasions were meaningless or worse in respect to her. He was softened
-to Charlie, too, by the story, though he could have raved at his son’s
-folly. The puppy!--to think a woman like that could care for him! And
-yet, as she said, there was no harm in the boy; only absurdity,
-presumption, the last depths of fatuity. Poor young fool! But it was a
-different thing from racing towards the bottomless pit for the mere
-indulgence of his own appetites, as so many young men did, and if this
-was the only reason of Charlie’s downfall it involved no loss of
-character and need make no breach in his career, which was the chief
-thing. He could make up his lost ground, and the F.O. would care very
-little for what the Dons said. The idleness of a boy in love (the puppy!
-inexcusable in his presumption, but yet with plenty of justification at
-least) could do him no more than temporary harm in any case.
-
-These thoughts passed through the Colonel’s mind with a great sense of
-relief. It did not occur to him that Charlie, when he saw his folly,
-could have much difficulty in getting over such a misplaced sentiment.
-It must be done, and the boy must feel that such a hope was as much
-above him as was the moon in the skies. He must make up his mind to
-apply himself, to get through his examination, to begin his real
-life--which his father would certainly impress upon him was not mere
-amusement or happiness, if he liked to call it so, but work and a sharp
-struggle to secure his standing. As for his degree, that was a matter of
-complete indifference to Colonel Kingsward. The boy had his experience
-of Oxford life to talk of and fall back upon; he was a University man
-all the same, though he had not been crowned by any laurels he had made
-some friends, and he had gained the necessary familiarity with that
-phase of a young man’s existence. What did the details matter, and who
-would ever ask about his degree? An attaché does not put B.A. or M.A.
-(which was which, or if there was any difference, or on what occasion
-such vanities should be displayed the Colonel was quite unaware) to his
-name like a schoolmaster. Nothing could be of less importance than this.
-He dismissed Charlie from his mind accordingly with much relief. It was
-not at all unnatural that the boy should have gone to town instead of
-going to Kingswarden. No doubt by this time he had made his way home,
-and this reminded the Colonel that it would be as well to send his
-sister off at once to meet Charlie there. He called Bee again
-accordingly from her room, where she had taken refuge, and instructed
-her in what he desired.
-
-“There is a train in an hour,” he said. “You had better get ready. I
-wish you to go home at once. Charlie will be there by this time, I have
-no doubt, and I should like you to let him know that if he is reasonable
-and drives all folly from his mind, and addresses himself at once to his
-preparation for the exam., he shall hear no more from me about the
-Oxford business. It depends upon himself whether it is ever alluded to
-again.”
-
-“Papa,” said Bee, faltering a little, “am I to go alone?”
-
-“Why shouldn’t you go alone? Are you afraid of getting into a cab at
-Paddington and driving to Victoria, the most ordinary everyday business?
-Why, I thought the girls of your period revolted against being
-protected, and were able to take care of themselves wherever they went?”
-
-Now Colonel Kingsward had always insisted on surrounding his daughters
-with quite unnecessary care, being, as he prided himself, on all
-questions in respect to women, of the old school.
-
-“Oh, no,” said Bee, very tremulous, looking at him with eyes full of
-meaning, “I am not afraid.”
-
-“Then why do you make any fuss about it?” he said. “I shall stay behind
-for a few hours, perhaps for another night. I must see whether he has
-left any debts, and square accounts with the College, and--settle
-everything.” Bee was still looking at him with that troubled air of
-meaning, and he looked at her with a stern look, putting her down; but
-there was in his eyes a certain understanding of her meaning and a
-shrinking from her scrutiny all the same. “You have just time to get
-ready,” he said, pulling out his watch and holding it up to her. And Bee
-had nothing to do but to obey. It was not the drive from Paddington to
-Victoria, the change from one railway to another, which frightened her,
-though for a girl who had never done anything alone, that was not a
-pleasant thought; but the girl was deeply disturbed to leave her father
-there within the power of the woman whom more than ever she looked upon
-with terror as if she had been an embodied Fate. How ludicrous was the
-idea that a girl of twenty should be disturbed and anxious at the
-thought of leaving her father unprotected by her poor little
-guardianship--and such a father as Colonel Kingsward! Bee saw at once
-the folly and futility of such a notion, but she could not rid herself
-of the alarm. Her terror of this woman, now fully evident as the same
-who had wrecked her own life, was more than ever a superstitious panic.
-
-Bee’s mind was wholly possessed with this idea. She thought of the
-beautiful, dreadful lady in Christabel. She thought of that other
-shuddering image in the poem, of “the angel, beautiful and bright,” who
-looked the hero in the face; “And how he knew it was a fiend, that
-miserable knight----” Aubrey had not known she was a fiend, nor Charlie;
-and now papa! What could such a woman do to papa? He was old (Bee
-thought) beyond the reach of the influences which had moved the others.
-What could Fate do to him? She asked herself this question in her great
-alarm, trying to beat down the terror in her bosom, and persuade herself
-that it was foolishness. But the more she thought the more her heart
-beat with fright and apprehension. It seemed to her, somehow, as if the
-former dangers had been nothing in comparison with this, although she
-did not know what it was that she feared.
-
-Colonel Kingsward walked with his daughter to the station, and he was
-very affable and kind to her, taking unusual pains to make her feel that
-there was nothing to fear. He selected carefully a carriage which was
-reserved for ladies, and put her into the charge of the guard, whom he
-desired to find a cab for her at Paddington, and look after her in every
-way. Nothing could be more fatherly, more thoughtful than he was; but
-all these precautions, instead of reassuring Bee, increased her
-sensation of danger. For the Colonel, though he had always insisted upon
-every precaution, had not been in the habit of personally seeing to the
-comfort of his children. She followed him with her eyes as he occupied
-himself with all these little cares, and explained to the guard what was
-to be done. And then he went to the bookstall and bought her illustrated
-papers and a book to amuse her on the journey, Bee watching all the time
-with growing wonder. She gave a hurried glance now and then around her,
-sweeping the station from one end to another, with a terror of seeing
-somewhere appear the woman who had brought such pain and trouble into
-her life--though this, too, was folly, as she was aware. And when at
-last the carriage door was closed, and the train almost in motion, Bee
-gave her father a last look, in which there were unutterable things. He
-had not met her eyes hitherto, whether by chance or precaution. But now
-he was off his guard and did so. Their looks encountered with a clash,
-as if they had been meeting swords, the same eyes, brilliant with that
-blue blaze, flashing like lightning. But it was the father’s fiery eyes
-which gave way. The girl’s look penetrated into his very being; his
-dropped, almost abashed. How did this strange change of position come
-about? It was anything but reassuring to Bee. It seemed to her as if
-already a new chapter of misery and dismay had opened in life, although
-her fears had taken no shape, and she could not tell what calamity was
-possible. The very vagueness made it all the more appalling to her
-inexperienced heart.
-
-As for Colonel Kingsward, he saw his little daughter go away with a
-relief which he felt to be ridiculous. That Bee’s looks should affect
-his movements one way or another was beyond measure absurd, and yet he
-was relieved that she was gone, and felt himself more at ease. He had a
-great many things to do--to settle his son’s accounts, to take his name
-off the college books, to wind up that early unsuccessful chapter of
-Charlie’s life. But he now felt very little real anger against
-Charlie--this shipwreck of his had suddenly introduced his father to
-what seemed a new view and new objects, which indeed he did not in any
-way define to himself, but of which he felt the stimulus with vague
-exhilaration to the bottom of his heart.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XXXV.
-
-
-WHEN Charlie Kingsward fled from Oxford, half mad with disappointment
-and misery, he had no idea or intention about the future left in his
-mind. He had come to one of those strange passes in life beyond which
-the imagination does not go. He had been rejected with that deepest
-contumely which takes the aspect of the sweetest kindness, when a woman
-affects the most innocent suspicion at the climax to which, consciously
-or unconsciously, she has been working up.
-
-“Oh, my poor boy, was that what you were thinking of?” There is no way
-in which a blow can be administered with such sharp and keen effect. It
-made the young man’s brain, which was only an ordinary brain, and for
-some time had exercised but small restraining power upon him in the
-hurry and sweep of his feelings, reel. When he pulled the door upon him
-of those gardens of Aminda, that fool’s paradise in which he had been
-wasting his youth, and which were represented in his case by a very
-ordinary suburban garden in that part of Oxford called the Parks, his
-rejected and disappointed passion had every possible auxiliary emotion
-to make it unbearable. Keen mortification, humiliation, the sharp sense
-of being mocked and deceived; the sudden conviction of having given what
-seemed to the half-maddened boy his whole life, for nothing whipped him
-like the lashes of the Furies. In most of the crises of life the thought
-what to do next occurs with almost the rapidity of lightning after a
-great catastrophe, but Charlie felt as if there was nothing beyond. The
-whole world had crumbled about him. There was no next step; his very
-fooling had failed him. He rushed back to his rooms by instinct, as a
-wounded creature would rush to its lair, but on his way was met by eager
-groups returning from the “Schools,” in which he ought to have been,
-discussing among each other the stiffness of the papers, and how they
-had been done. This would scarcely add to his pain, but it added to that
-sickening effort of absolute failure of the demolition of everything
-around and before him, which was what he felt the most. They made the
-impossible more impossible still, and cut off every retreat. When he
-stood in his room, amid all the useless books which he had not opened
-for days or weeks, and heard the others mounting the staircase outside
-his locked door, it seemed to the unhappy young man as though the floor
-under his feet was the last spot on which standing ground was possible,
-and that beyond and around there was nothing but chaos. For what reason
-and on what impulse he rushed to London it would be difficult to tell.
-He had little money, few friends--or rather none who were not also the
-friends of his family--no idea or intention of doing anything.
-
-“Perhaps the world will end to-night.”
-
-He did not even think so much as that, though perhaps it was in some
-sort the feeling in his mind. Yet no suggestions of suicide, or of
-anything that constitutes a moral suicide, occurred to him. These would
-have been something definite, they would have provided for a future, but
-Charlie was stupefied and had none. He had not so much sense of any
-resource as consisted in a pistol or a plunge into the river. He flung
-himself into the train and went to London, because after a time the
-sound of his comrades, or of those who ought to have been his comrades,
-became intolerable to him. They kept pacing, rushing up and down the
-staircase, calling to each other. One or two, indeed, talked at his own
-closed door, driving him into a silent frenzy. As soon as they were gone
-he seized a travelling bag, thrust something, he did not know what, into
-it, and fled--to the desert--to London, where he would be lost and no
-one would drive him frantic by calling to him, by making believe that
-there was something left in life.
-
-It occurred to him somehow, by force of that secondary consciousness
-which works for us when our minds are past all exertion, to fling
-himself into the corner of a third-class carriage as the place where he
-was least likely to meet anyone he knew, though indeed the precaution
-was scarcely necessary, since he could not have recognised anyone, as he
-sat huddled up in his corner, staring blankly at the landscape that flew
-past the window and seeing nothing. When he arrived in the midst of the
-din and bustle of the great railway station, he fled once more through
-the crowd into the greater crowd outside, clutching instinctively at the
-bag which lay beside him, but seeing no one, nor whither he went nor
-where he was going. He walked fast, and in a fierce unconsciousness
-pushing his way through everything, and though he had in reality no aim,
-took instinctively the way to his father’s house--his home--though it
-was at that time no home for him, being occupied by strangers. When he
-got into the park a vague recollection of this penetrated through the
-maze in which he was enveloped, and for a moment he paused, but then
-went on walking at the same pace, making the circuit of the park which
-lay before him in the mists of the afternoon, the frosty sun setting,
-the hay taking a rosy tint. He went all round the silences of the
-half-deserted walks, beginning to feel vaguely the strange desolate
-sentiment of not knowing where to go, though only in the secondary phase
-of his consciousness. Until all at once his strength seemed to fail him,
-his limbs grew feeble, his steps slow, and he stopped short,
-mechanically, as he had walked, not knowing why, and flung himself upon
-a bench, where he sat long, motionless, as if that had now become the
-only thing solid in the world and there was no step remaining to him
-beyond.
-
-A young man, though he may have numberless friends, may yet make a
-despairing transit like this from one place to another through the midst
-of a crowd without being seen by anyone who knows him; if the encounters
-of life are wonderful, the failures to encounter, the manner in which we
-walk alone with friends on all hands, and in our desperate moments, when
-help is most necessary, do not meet or come within sight of any, is
-equally wonderful. The Kingswards had a large circle of acquaintance,
-and Charlie himself had the numberless intimates of a public school boy,
-a young university man, acquainted with half the youth of his
-period--yet nobody saw him, except one to whom he would scarcely have
-accorded a salutation in ordinary circumstances. Aubrey Leigh, who had
-been so strangely and closely connected for a moment with the Kingsward
-family, and then so swiftly and peremptorily cut off, arrived in London
-from a short visit to a suburban house by the same train which brought
-Charlie, and caught sight of him as he jumped out of his compartment
-with his bag in his hand. A very cool, self-possessed, and trim young
-man young Kingsward had always appeared to the other, with whose
-brightest and at the same time most painful recollections his figure was
-so connected. To see him now suddenly, with that air of desperation
-which had triumphed over all his natural habits and laws, that
-abstracted look, clutching his bag, half leaping, half stumbling out of
-the carriage, going off at a swift, unconscious pace, pushing through
-every crowd, filled Aubrey with surprise which soon turned into anxiety.
-Charlie Kingsward, with a bag in his hand, rushing through the London
-streets conveyed an entirely new idea to the minds of the spectators.
-What such an arrival would have meant in ordinary circumstances would
-have been the rattling up of a hansom, the careless calling out of an
-address, the noisy progress over the stones, of the driver expectant of
-something more than his fare, and keenly cognisant of the habits of the
-young gentlemen from Oxford.
-
-Aubrey quickened his own pace to follow the other, whose arrival this
-time was in such different guise. A sudden terror seized his mind,
-naturally quite unjustified by the outward circumstances. Was anyone
-ill?--which meant, was Bee ill? Had anything dreadful happened? A
-moment’s reflection would have shown that in such a case the hansom
-would be more needed than usual, as conveying her brother the more
-quickly to his home. But Aubrey did not pause on probabilities. A moment
-more would have made him sure of the unlikelihood that Charlie would be
-sent for in case of Bee’s illness, unless, indeed, the question had been
-one of life and death.
-
-But he had not even heard of his love for many months. His heart was
-hungry for news of her, and in that case he would have done his best to
-intercept Charlie, to extract from him, if possible, some news of his
-sister. He followed, accordingly, with something of the same headlong
-haste with which Charlie was pushing through the streets, and for a long
-time, up to the gates of the park, indeed, kept him in sight. At the
-rate at which the young man was going it was impossible to do more.
-
-Then Aubrey suddenly lost sight of the figure he was pursuing. There was
-a group of people collected for some vulgar, unsupportable object or
-other at that point, and it was there that Charlie deflected from the
-straight road for home, which he had hitherto taken, and which his
-pursuer took it for granted he would follow for the rest of the way.
-When Aubrey had pushed his way through the little crowd Charlie was no
-longer visible. He looked to left and to right in vain, scrutinised the
-short cut over the park, and the broad road full of passing carriages
-and wayfarers, but saw no trace of the figure he sought. Aubrey then
-walked quickly to the point where Charlie, as he supposed, must be
-going, and soon came to the gate on the other side and the street itself
-in which the house of the Kingswards was. But he saw no sign of Charlie,
-nor of anyone looking for him. He himself had no acquaintance with that
-house, to which he had never been admitted, but he had passed it many
-times in the vain hope of seeing Bee at a window, not knowing that it
-was occupied by strangers. While he walked down the street, however,
-anxiously gazing to see if there were any signs of illness, asking
-himself whether he dared to inquire at the door, he saw a gentleman come
-up and enter with a latch key, who certainly did not belong to the
-Kingsward family. This changed the whole current of Aubrey’s thoughts.
-It was not here then that Charlie was coming. His rapid and wild walk
-could not mean any disaster to the family--any trouble to Bee.
-
-The discovery was at once a disappointment and a relief; a relief from
-the anxiety which had gradually been gaining upon him, a disappointment
-of the hope of hearing something of her. For if Charlie was not going
-home, who could trace out where such a young man might be going? To the
-dogs, Aubrey thought, instinctively; to the devil, to judge by his
-looks. Yet Charlie Kingsward, the most correct of modern young men, had
-surely in him no natural proclivity towards that facile descent. What
-could it be that had driven him along like a leaf before the wind?
-
-Aubrey was himself greatly disturbed and stirred up by this encounter.
-He had schooled himself to quiet, and the pangs of his overthrow, though
-not quenched, had been kept under with a strong hand. The life which he
-desired for himself, which he had so fully planned, so warmly hoped for,
-had been broken to pieces and made an end of, leaving the way he had
-chosen blank to him, as he thought, for evermore. He had been very
-unfortunate in that way, his early venture ending in bitter
-disappointment; his other, more wise, more sweet, cut off before it had
-ever been. But he was a reasonable being, and knew that life had to be
-put to other uses, even when that sole fair path which the heart desired
-was closed. He had given it up definitely, neither thinking nor hoping
-again for the household life, the patriarchal existence among his own
-fields, his own people, under his own roof, and was now doing his best
-to conform his life to a more grey and monotonous standard.
-
-But the sight of Charlie, or rather the sight of Bee’s brother,
-evidently under the influence of some strong feeling, and utterly
-carried away by it so as to ignore all that regard for appearance and
-decorum which had been his leading principle, came suddenly like a touch
-upon a wound, reviving all the questions and impatiences of the past.
-Aubrey felt that he could not endure the ignorance of her and all her
-ways which had fallen over him like a pall, cutting off her being from
-him as if they were not still living in the same world, still within
-reach of each other. He might endure, he said to himself, to be parted
-from her, to give up hope of her, since she willed it so--yet, at
-least, he must know something of her, find out if she were ill or well,
-what she was doing, where she was even; for that mere outside detail he
-did not know. How was it possible he should bear this--not even to know
-where she was? This thought took hold of him, and drove him into a fever
-of sudden feeling. Oh! yes; he had resigned himself to live without her,
-to endure his solitary existence far from her, since she willed it so;
-but not even to know where she was, how she was, what she was doing!
-
-Suddenly, in a moment, the fiery stinging came back, the sword plunged
-into the wound. He had not for a moment deluded himself with the idea
-that he was cured of it, but yet it had been subdued by necessity, by
-the very silence which now he felt to be intolerable. He went back into
-the park, where the long lines of the misty paths were now almost
-deserted, gleams of the lamps outside shining through the dark tracery
-of the branches, and all quiet except in the broad road, still sounding
-with a diminished stream of carriages. He dived into the intersections
-of the deserted paths, something as Charlie had done, seeking
-instinctively a silent place where he could be alone with the
-newly-aroused torment of his thoughts.
-
-When he came suddenly upon the bench upon which Charlie had flung
-himself, his first movement was to turn back. He had been walking over
-the grass, and his steps were consequently noiseless, and he was in the
-mood to which any human presence--the possible encounter of anyone who
-might speak to him and disturb his own hurrying passions--was
-intolerable. But as he turned, his eye fell on the bag--the dusty,
-half-empty thing still clutched by a hand that seemed more or less
-unconscious. This insignificant detail arrested Aubrey. He moved a
-little way, keeping on the grass, to get a fuller view of the
-half-reclining figure. And then he made out in the partial light that it
-was the same figure which he had pursued so long.
-
-What was Charlie doing here in this secluded spot--he, the most unlike
-any such retirement, the well-equipped, confident, prosperous young man
-of the world, subject to so few delusions, knowing his way so well, both
-in the outer and the inner world?
-
-Aubrey was more startled than tongue can tell. He thought no longer of
-family disaster, of illness, or trouble. Whatever was amiss, it was
-evidently Charlie who was the sufferer. He paused for a minute or more,
-reflecting what he should do. Then he stepped forward upon the gravel,
-and sitting down, put his hand suddenly upon that which held the
-half-filled bag.
-
-“Kingsward!” he said.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XXXVI.
-
-
-MEANWHILE Colonel Kingsward had remained in Oxford. It was necessary
-that he should regulate all Charlie’s affairs, find out and pay what
-bills he had left, and formally sever his connection with the
-University. It is a thing which many fathers have had to do, with pain
-and sorrow, and a sense of premature failure, which is one of the
-bitterest things in life; but Colonel Kingsward had not this painful
-feeling to aggravate the annoyance and vexation which he actually felt.
-The fact that his son had been idle in the way of books, and was leaving
-Oxford without taking his degree, did not affect his mind much. Many
-young fellows did that, especially in the portion of the world to which
-Charlie belonged. The Colonel was irritated by having to interfere, by
-the trouble he was having, and the deviation from salutary routine, but
-he felt no humiliation either for himself or his son. And Charlie’s
-liabilities were not large, so far as he could discover. The fellow, at
-least, had no vices, he said to himself. Even the unsympathetic Don had
-nothing to say against him but that charge of idleness, which the
-Colonel rather liked than otherwise. Had he been able to say that it was
-his son’s social or even athletic successes which were the causes of the
-idleness he would have liked it altogether. He paid Charlie’s bills with
-a compensating consciousness that these were the last that would have to
-be paid at Oxford, and he was not even sorry that he could not get back
-to town by the last train. Indeed, I think he could have managed that
-very well had he tried. He remained for the second night with wonderful
-equanimity, finding, as a matter of course, a man he knew in the hotel,
-and dining not unpleasantly that day. Before he went back to town, he
-thought it only civil to go out to the Parks to return, as politeness
-demanded, the visit of the lady who had so kindly and courageously gone
-to see him, and from whom he had received the only explanation of
-Charlie’s strange behaviour. He went forth as soon as he had eaten an
-early luncheon, in order to be sure to find Miss Lance before she went
-out, and stopped only to throw a rapid glance in passing at a band of
-young ruffians--mud up to their eyes, and quite undistinguishable for
-the elegant undergraduates which some of them were--who were playing
-football in the Parks. The Colonel had, like most men, a warm interest
-in athletic sports, but his soldierly instincts disliked the mud. Miss
-Lance’s house was beyond that much broken up and down-trampled green. It
-was a house in a garden of the order brought into fashion by the late
-Randolph Caldecott, red with white “fixings” and pointed roof, and it
-bore triumphantly upon its little gate post the name of Wensleydale,
-Oxford Dons, and the inhabitants of that district generally, being fond
-of such extension titles. Colonel Kingsward unconsciously drew himself
-together, settled his head into his collar, and twisted his moustache,
-as he knocked at the door, and yet it was not an imposing door. It was
-opened, not by a solemn butler, but by a neat maid, who showed Colonel
-Kingsward into a trim drawing-room, very feminine and full of flowers
-and knick-knacks. Here he waited full five minutes before anyone
-appeared, looking about him with much curiosity, examining the little
-stands of books, the work-tables, the writing-tables, the corners for
-conversation. It was not a large room, and yet space had been found for
-two little centres of social intercourse. There were, therefore, the
-Colonel divined, two ladies who shared this abode. Colonel Kingsward had
-never been what is called a ladies’ man. The feminine element in life
-had been supplied to him in that subdued way naturally exhibited by a
-yielding and gentle wife in a house where the husband is supreme. He was
-quite unacquainted with it in its unalloyed state, and the spectacle
-amused and pleasantly affected him with a sense at once of superiority
-and of novelty. It was pleasant to see how these little known creatures
-arranged themselves in their own private dominion, where they had
-everything their own way, and the touch of the artificial which
-appeared in all these dainty particulars seemed appropriate and
-commended itself agreeably to the man who was accustomed to a broader
-and larger style of household economy. A man likes to see the difference
-well marked, at least a man who holds Colonel Kingsward’s ideas of life.
-He had gone so far as to note the “Laura” with a large and flowing “L”
-on the notepaper, which “L” was repeated on various pretty articles
-about. When the door opened and Miss Lance appeared, she came up to him
-holding out both her hands as to an old friend.
-
-“Will you forgive me for keeping you waiting, Colonel Kingsward? The
-fact is we have just come in, and you know that a woman has always a
-toilette to make, not like you lucky people who put on or put off a hat
-and all is done.”
-
-“I did not think you were likely to be out so early,” the Colonel said.
-
-“My friend has a son at Oriel,” replied Miss Lance. “He is a great
-football player as it happens, and we are bound to be present when he
-is playing; besides, the Parks are so near.”
-
-“I did not think it was a game that would interest you.”
-
-“It does not, except in so far that I am interested in everything that
-interests my surroundings. My friend goes into it with enthusiasm; she
-even believes that she understands what it is all about.”
-
-“It seems chiefly mud that is about,” said the Colonel, with a slight
-tone of disapproval, for it displeased him to think that a woman like
-this should go to a football match, and also it displeased him after his
-private amusement and reflections on the feminine character of the house
-to find, after all, a man connected with it, even if that man were only
-a boy.
-
-“Come,” said Miss Lance, indicating a certain chair, “sit down here by
-me, Colonel Kingsward, and let us not talk commonplaces any longer. You
-have been obliged to stay longer than you intended. I had been thinking
-of you as in London to-day.”
-
-“It was very kind to think of me at all.”
-
-“Oh, don’t say so--that is one of the commonplaces too. Of course, I
-have been thinking of you with a great deal of interest, and with some
-rather rebellious, undutiful sort of thoughts.”
-
-“What thoughts?” cried the Colonel, in surprise.
-
-“Well,” she said, “it is a great blessing, no doubt, to have
-children--to women, perhaps, an unalloyed blessing; and yet, you know,
-an unattached person like myself cannot help a grudge occasionally. Here
-are you, for instance, in the prime of life; your thoughts about
-everything matured, your reason more important to the world than any of
-the escapades of youth, and yet you are depleted from your own grave
-path in life; your mind occupied, your thoughts distracted; really your
-use to your country interrupted by--by what are called the cares of a
-family,” she concluded, with a short laugh.
-
-She spoke with much use of her hands in graceful movement that could
-scarcely be called gesticulation--clasping them together, spreading them
-out, making them emphasise everything. And they were very white and
-pretty hands, with a diamond on one, which sparkled at appropriate
-moments, and added its special emphasis too.
-
-The Colonel was flattered with this description of himself and his
-capacities.
-
-“There is great truth,” he said, “in what you say. I have felt it, but
-for a father at the head of a family to put forth such sentiments would
-shock many good people.”
-
-“Fortunately there are no good people here, and if there were I might
-still express them freely. It is a thing that strikes me every day. In
-feeble specimens it destroys the individuality; in strong characters
-like yourself----”
-
-“You do me too much honour, Miss Lance. My position, you are aware, is
-doubly unfortunate, for I have all upon my shoulders. Still, one must do
-one’s duty at whatever cost.”
-
-“That would be your feeling, of course,” said Miss Lance, with a sort of
-admiring and regretful expression. “For my part, I am the most dreadful
-rebel. I kick against duty. I think a man has a duty to himself. To
-stint a noble human being for the sake of nourishing some half-dozen
-secondary ones, is to me---- Oh, don’t let us talk of it! Tell me, dear
-Colonel Kingsward, have you got everything satisfactorily settled, and
-heard of the arrival----? Oh,” she cried, clasping those white hands,
-“how can I sit here calmly and ask, seeing that I have a share in
-causing all this trouble--though, heaven knows, how unintentionally on
-my part!”
-
-“Don’t say so,” said the Colonel, putting his hands for a second on
-those clasped white hands. “I am sure that you can have done nothing but
-good to my foolish boy. To be admitted here at all was too much honour.”
-
-“I shall never be able to take an interest in anyone again,” she said,
-drooping her head. “It is so strange, so strange to have one’s motives
-misunderstood, but you don’t do so. I am so thankful I had the courage
-to go to you. My friend dissuaded me strongly from taking such a step.
-She said that a parent would naturally blame anyone rather than his own
-son----”
-
-“My dear Miss Lance, who could blame you? I don’t know,” said the
-Colonel, “that I blame poor Charlie so much either. To be much in your
-company might well be dangerous for any man.”
-
-“You must not speak so--indeed, indeed, you must not! I feel more and
-more ashamed! When a woman comes to a certain age--and has no children
-of her own. Surely, surely----”
-
-“Come!” he cried. “You said a parent’s cares destroyed one’s
-individuality----”
-
-“Not with a woman. What individuality has a woman? The only use of her
-is to sink that pride in a better--the pride of being of some use. What
-I regretted was for you--and such as you--if there are enough of such to
-make a class--. Yes, yes,” she added, looking up, “I acknowledge the
-inconsistency. I have not sense enough to see the pity of it in all
-cases--but my real principle, my deep belief is that to draw a man like
-you away from your career, to trouble and distress you about others, who
-are not of half your value--is a thing that ought to be prevented by Act
-of Parliament,” she cried, breaking off with a laugh. “But you have not
-told me yet how everything has finished,” she added, in a confidential
-low tone, after a pause.
-
-Then he told her in some detail what he had done. It was delightful to
-tell her, a woman so sympathising, so quick to understand, with that
-approving, consoling, remonstrating action of her white hands which
-seemed at the same moment to applaud and deprecate, with a constant
-inference that he was too good, that really he ought not to be so good.
-She laughed at his description of the Don, adding a graphic touch or two
-to make the picture more perfect--till Colonel Kingsward was surprised
-at himself to think how cleverly he had done it, and was delighted with
-his own success. This gave a slightly comic character to his other
-sketches of poor Charlie’s tradesmen, and scout, and an unutterable cad
-of a young fellow who had met the Colonel leaving the college and had
-told him of a small sum which Charlie owed him.
-
-“The little beast!” the Colonel said.
-
-“Worse!” cried Miss Lance, “I would not slander any gentlemanly dog by
-calling him of the same species.”
-
-Altogether, her interest and sympathy changed this not particularly
-lively occasion into one of the brightest moments of Colonel
-Kingsward’s life. He had not been used to a woman so clever, who took
-him up at half a word, and enhanced the interest of everything. Had he
-been asked, indeed, he would have said that he did not like clever
-women. But then Miss Lance had other qualities. She was very handsome,
-and she had an evident and undisguised admiration for him. She was so
-very frank and sure of her position as a woman of a certain age--a
-qualification which she appropriated to herself constantly, though most
-women thought it an insult--that she did not find it needful to conceal
-that admiration. When he thanked her for her kindness for the patient
-hearing of all his story, and the interest she had shown, to which he
-had so little claim, Miss Lance smiled and held out those white hands.
-
-“I assure you,” she said, “the benefit is all on my side. Living here
-among very young men, you must think what it is to talk to, to be
-treated confidentially, by a man like yourself. It is like a glance into
-another life.” She sighed, and added, “The young are delightful. I am
-very fond of young people. Still, to meet now and then with someone of
-one’s own age, of one’s own species, if I may say so--”
-
-“You do me too much honour,” said Colonel Kingsward, feeling with a
-curious elation, how superior he was. She went with him to the garden
-gate, not afraid of the wintry air, showing no sense of the chill, and
-though she had given him her hand before, offered it again with the
-sweetest friendliness.
-
-“And you promised,” she said, looking in his face while he held it,
-“that you would send me one line when you got home, to tell me how you
-find him--and that all is well--and forgiven.”
-
-“I shall be too happy to be permitted to write,” Colonel Kingsward said.
-
-“Forgiven,” she said, “and forgotten!” holding up a finger of the other
-hand, the hand with the diamond. She stood for a moment watching while
-he closed the low gate, and then, waving her hand to him, turned away.
-Colonel Kingsward had never been a finer fellow, in his own estimation,
-than when he walked slowly off from that closed door.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XXXVII.
-
-
-I WILL not repeat the often described scene of anxiety which existed in
-Kingswarden for some time after. Colonel Kingsward returned, as Bee had
-done, to find that nothing had been seen or heard of Charlie, whom both
-had expected to find defiant and wretched at home. It is astonishing how
-quickly in such circumstances the tables are turned, and the young
-culprit--whom parents and friends have been ready to crush the moment he
-appears with well-deserved rebuke--becomes, when he does not appear, the
-object of the most eager appeals; forgiveness, and advantages of every
-kind all ready to greet him if only he will come back. The girls were
-frightened beyond description by their brother’s disappearance, and
-conjured up every dreadful image of disaster and misery. They thought of
-Charlie in his despair going off to the ends of the earth and never
-being seen more. They thought of him as in some wretched condition on
-shipboard, sick and miserable, reduced to dreadful work and still more
-dreadful privations, he who had lain in the lilies and fed on the roses
-of life. They thought of him, Colonel Kingsward’s son, enlisted as a
-private soldier, in a crowded barrack-room. They thought of him
-wandering about the street, cold, perhaps hungry, without a shelter. The
-most dreadful images came before their inexperienced eyes. The old aunt
-who was their companion told them dreadful stories of family prodigals
-who disappeared and were never heard of again, and terror took hold of
-the girls’ minds.
-
-Their constant walk was to the station, with the idea that he might
-perhaps come as far as the village, and that there his heart might fail
-him. Except for that melancholy indulgence, they would not be out of the
-house at any time together, lest at that moment Charlie might arrive,
-and no one be there to welcome him. There was always one who ran to the
-door at every sound, scandalising the servant, who could never get there
-so fast but one of the young ladies was before him. They had endless
-conversations and consultations on the subject, forming a hundred plans
-as to how they should go forth into the world to seek for him, all
-rendered abortive by the reflection that they knew not where to go. Bee
-and Betty were very unhappy during these lingering, chilly days of early
-spring. The tranquillity of the family life seemed to be destroyed in a
-moment. Where was Charlie? Was there any news of Charlie? This was the
-question that filled their minds day and night.
-
-Colonel Kingsward was not less affectionate, but he was more practical
-and experienced. He knew that now and then it does happen that a young
-man disappears, sinks under the stream, and goes, as people say, to the
-dogs, and is heard of no more--or, at least, only in a shipwrecked
-condition, the shame and trouble of his friends. It did not seem to him,
-at first, that there could be any such danger for his son. He
-anticipated nothing more than a few days’ sullenness, perhaps in some
-friend’s house, who would make cautious overtures and intercede for the
-rebellious but shame-stricken boy. When, however, the time passed on,
-and a longer interval than any judicious friend would permit had
-elapsed, a deep anxiety arose also in Colonel Kingsward’s mind. The
-_esclandre_ of an Oxford failure did not trouble him much, but, in view
-of Charlie’s future career, he could not employ detectives, or advertise
-in the papers, or take any steps which might lead to a paragraph as to
-the anxiety of a distinguished family on account of a son who had
-disappeared. Colonel Kingsward might not be a very tender parent, but he
-was fully alive to the advantage of his children, and would allow no
-stigma to be attached to them which he could prevent. He went a great
-deal about London in these days, going into many a spot where a man of
-his dignity was out of place, with an anxious and troubled eye upon the
-crowds of young men, the familiars of these confused regions, among
-whom, however, no trace was to be found of his son.
-
-Nobody ever knew how much the Colonel undertook, in how many strange
-scenes he found himself, or half of what he really did to recover
-Charlie, and save him from the consequences of his folly. The most
-devoted father could scarcely have done more, and his mind was almost as
-full of the prodigal as were the minds of the girls, who thought of so
-many grievous dangers, yet did not think of those that filled their
-father’s mind. Colonel Kingsward went about everywhere, groping, saying
-not a word to betray his ignorance of Charlie’s whereabouts. To those
-who had any right to know his family affairs, he explained that he had
-decided not to press Charlie to undergo any examination beyond what was
-necessary, that he had given up the thought of taking his degree, and
-was studying modern languages and international law, which were so much
-more likely to be useful to him. “He is a steady fellow--he has no
-vices,” he said, “and I think it is wise to let him have his head.”
-Colonel Kingsward was by nature a despotic man, and his friends were
-very glad to hear that he was, in respect to Charlie, so amiable--they
-said to each other that his wife’s death had softened Kingsward, and
-what a good thing it was that he was behaving so judiciously about his
-son.
-
-A pause like this in the life of a family--a period of darkness in which
-the life of one of its members is suspended, interrupted, as it were, in
-mid career, cut off, yet not with that touch of death which stills all
-anxieties--is always a difficult and miserable one. Some, and the number
-increases of these uncontrolled persons, cry out to earth and heaven,
-and make the lapse public and set all the world talking of their
-affairs. But Colonel Kingsward sternly put down even the tears of his
-young daughters.
-
-“If you cannot keep a watch over yourselves before the servants, you had
-better leave the house,” he said, all the more stern to them that he was
-soft to Charlie; but indeed it was not so much that he was soft to
-Charlie as that he was concerned and anxious about Charlie’s career.
-
-“Betty, I suppose, can go back to the Lyons’ in Portman Square, and
-Bee----”
-
-“If you think that I can go visiting, papa, and no one with the
-children, and poor Charlie----”
-
-“I think--and, indeed, I know, that you can and will do what I think
-best for you,” said Colonel Kingsward.
-
-Bee looked up at him quickly and met her father’s eyes. The two looked
-at each other suspiciously, almost fiercely. Bee saw in her father’s
-look possibilities and dangers as yet undeveloped, mysteries which she
-divined and feared, yet neither could nor would have put into words,
-while he looked at her divining her divinations, defying unconsciously
-the suspicion which he could not have expressed any more than she.
-
-“Let it be understood once for all,” he said, “that the children have
-their nurses and governess, and that your presence is by no means
-indispensable to them. You are their eldest sister, you are not the
-mistress of the house. Nothing will happen to the children. In
-considering what is best for you----”
-
-“Papa!” cried Bee, almost fiercely; but she did not pour out upon him
-that bitterness which had been collecting in her heart. She paused in
-time; but then added, “I have not asked you to consider what was best
-for me.”
-
-“That is enough to show that it is time for me to consider it,” he said.
-
-And then, once more their looks met, and clashed like the encounter of
-two armies. What did she suspect? What did he intend? They both breathed
-short, as if with the impulse of battle, but neither, even to
-themselves, could have answered that question. Colonel Kingsward cried
-“Take care, Bee!” as he went away, a by no means happy man, to his
-library, while she threw herself down upon a sofa, and--inevitable
-result in a girl of any such rising of passion--burst into tears.
-
-“Bee,” said the sensible Betty, “you ought not to speak like that to
-papa.”
-
-“I ought to be thankful that he has considered what was best for me, and
-spoilt my life!” cried Bee, through her tears. “Oh, it is very easy for
-you to speak. You are to go to the Lyons’, where you wish to go--to be
-free of all anxiety--for what is Charlie to you but only your brother,
-and you know that you can’t do him any good by making yourself miserable
-about him? And you will see Gerald Lyon, who is doing well at
-Cambridge, and listen to all the talk about him, and smile, and not hate
-him for being so smug and prosperous, while poor Charlie----”
-
-“How unjust you are!” cried Betty, growing red and then pale. “It is not
-Gerald Lyon’s fault that Charlie has not done well--even if I cared
-anything for Gerald Lyon.”
-
-“It is you who ought to take care,” said Bee, “if papa thinks it
-necessary to consider what is best for you.”
-
-“There is nothing to consider,” said Betty, with a little movement of
-her hands.
-
-“But it can never be so bad for you,” said Bee, with a tone of regret.
-“Never! To think that my life should be ruined and all ended for the
-sake of a woman--a woman--who has now ruined Charlie, and whom papa--oh,
-papa!” she cried, with a tone indescribable of exasperation and scorn
-and contempt.
-
-“What is it about papa? You look at each other, you and he, like two
-tigers. You have got the same dreadful eyes. Yes, they are dreadful
-eyes; they give out fire. I wonder often that they don’t make a noise
-like an explosion. And Bee, you said yourself that there was something
-else. You never would have given in to papa, but there was something of
-your own that parted you from Aubrey--for ever. You said so, Bee--when
-his mother----”
-
-“Is there any need for bringing in any gentleman’s name?” cried Bee,
-with the dignity of a dowager. And then, ignoring her own rule, she
-burst forth, “What I have got against him is nothing to anyone--but that
-Aubrey Leigh should be insulted and rejected and turned away from our
-door, and that my heart should be broken because of a woman whom papa
-and Charlie--whom papa----! He writes to her, and she writes to him--he
-tells her everything--he consults her about us, us, my mother’s
-children! And yet it was on her account that Aubrey Leigh was turned
-from the door---- Oh, if you think I can bear that, you must think me
-more than flesh and blood!” Bee cried, the tears adding to the fire and
-sparkle of her blazing eyes.
-
-“It isn’t very nice,” said little Betty, sagely, “but I am not so sure
-that it was her fault, for if you had stuck to Aubrey as you meant to do
-at first, your heart would not have been broken, and if Charlie had not
-been very silly, a person of that age could not have done him any harm;
-and then papa----. What can she do to papa? I suppose he thinks as she
-is old he may write to her as a friend and ask her advice. There is not
-any harm that I can see in that.”
-
-Bee was too much agitated to make any reply to this. She resumed again,
-after a pause, as if Betty had not spoken: “He writes to her, and she
-writes to him, just as she did to Charlie, for I have seen them
-both--long letters, with that ridiculous “Laura,” and a big L, as if she
-were a girl. You can see them, if you like, at breakfast, when he reads
-them instead of his papers, and smiles to himself when he is reading
-them, and looks--ridiculous”--cried Bee, in her indignation.
-“Ridiculous! as if he were young too; a man who is father of all of us;
-and not much more than a year ago--. Oh, if I were not to speak I think
-the very trees would, and the bushes in the shrubbery! It is more than
-anyone can bear.”
-
-“You are making up a story,” said Betty, wonderingly. “I don’t know what
-you mean.” Then she cried, carrying the war into the enemy’s country,
-“Oh, Bee, if you had not given him up, if you had been faithful to
-him!--now we should have had somebody to consult with, somebody that
-could have gone and looked for poor Charlie; for we are only two girls,
-and what can we do?”
-
-Bee did not make any reply, but looked at her sister with startled eyes.
-
-“Mamma was never against Aubrey Leigh,” said Betty, pursuing her
-advantage. “She never would have wished you to give him up. And it is
-all your own doing, not papa’s doing, or anyone’s. If I had ever cared
-for him I never, never should have given him up; and then we should have
-had as good as another brother, that could have gone into the world and
-hunted everywhere and brought Charlie home.”
-
-The argument was taken up at hazard, a chance arrow lying in the young
-combatant’s way, without intention--but it went straight to its mark.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XXXVIII.
-
-
-THE house that had been so peaceful was thus full of agitation and
-disturbance, the household, anxious and alarmed, turning their weapons
-upon each other, to relieve a little the gnawing of that suspense which
-they were so unaccustomed to bear. It was true what Bee’s keen and
-sharply aroused observation had convinced her, that Colonel Kingsward
-was in correspondence with Miss Lance, and that her letters were very
-welcome to him, and read with great interest. He threw down the paper
-after he had made a rush through its contents, and read eagerly the long
-sheets of paper, upon which the great L, stamped at the head of every
-page, could be read on the other side of the table. How did that woman
-know the days he was to be at home, that her letters should always come
-on those mornings and never at any other time? Bee almost forgot her
-troubles, those of the family in respect to Charlie, and those which
-were her very own, in her passionate hatred and distrust of the new
-correspondent to whom Colonel Kingsward, like his son, had opened his
-heart.
-
-He was not, naturally, a man given to correspondence. His letters to his
-wife, in those days which now seemed so distant, had been models of
-concise writing. His opinions, or rather verdicts, upon things great and
-small had been conveyed in terse sentences, very much to the purpose;
-deliverances not of his way of thinking, but of the unalterable dogmas
-that were to rule the family life; and her replies, though diffuse, were
-always more or less regulated by her consciousness of the little time
-there would be given to them, and the necessity of making every
-explanation as brief as possible--not to worry papa, who had so much to
-do.
-
-Why it was that he found the long letters, which he read with a certain
-defiant pride in the presence of his daughters at the breakfast table,
-so agreeable, it would be difficult to tell. They were very carefully
-adapted to please him, it is true; and they were what are called clever
-letters--such letters as clever women write, with a _faux air_ of
-brilliancy which deceives both the writer and the recipient, making the
-one feel herself a Sevigné and the other a hero worthy the exercise of
-such powers. And there was something very novel in this sudden inroad of
-sentimental romance into an existence never either sentimental or
-romantic, which had fallen into the familiar calm of family life so long
-ago with a wife, who though sweet and fair enough to delight any man,
-had become in reality only the chief of his vassals, following every
-indication of his will, when not eagerly watching an opportunity of
-anticipating his wishes. His new friend treated the Colonel in a very
-different way. She expounded her views of life with all the adroitness
-of a mind experienced in the treatment of those philosophies which touch
-the questions of sex, the differences between a man’s and a woman’s
-view, the sentiment which can be carried into the most simple subjects.
-There is nothing that can give more entertaining play of argument, or
-piquancy of intercourse, than this mode of correspondence when cleverly
-carried out, and Miss Laura Lance was a mistress of all its methods. It
-was all entirely new to Colonel Kingsward. He was as much enchanted with
-it as his son had been, and thought the writer as brilliant, as
-original, as poor Charlie had done, who had no way of knowing better.
-The Colonel’s head, which generally had been occupied by professional or
-public matters--by the intrigues of the service or the incompetencies of
-the Department--now found a much more interesting private subject of
-thought. He was a man full of anxiety and annoyance at this particular
-crisis of his career, and his correspondent was by way of sharing his
-anxiety to the utmost and even blaming herself as the cause of it; yet
-she contrived to amuse him, to bring a smile, to touch a lighter key, to
-relieve the tension of his mind from time to time, without ever allowing
-him to feel that the chief subject of their correspondence was out of
-her thoughts. He got no relief of this description at home, where the
-girls’ anxious questions about Charlie, their eagerness to know what had
-been done, seemed to upbraid him with indifference, as if he were not
-doing everything that was possible. Miss Lance knew better the dangers
-that were being run, the real difficulties of the case, than these
-inexperienced chits of children; but she knew also that a man’s mind
-requires relief, and that, in point of fact, the Colonel’s health,
-strength and comfort, were of more importance than many Charlie’s. This
-was a thing that had to be understood, not said, and the Colonel indeed
-was as anxious and concerned about Charlie as it was almost possible to
-be. He did not form dreadful pictures as Bee and Betty did of what the
-boy might be suffering. The boy deserved to suffer, and this
-consideration, had he dwelt upon it, would have afforded a certain
-satisfaction. But what did make him wretched was the fear of any
-exposure, the mention in public of anything that might injure his son’s
-career. An opportunity was already dawning of getting him an
-appointment upon which the Colonel had long kept his eye, and which
-would be of double importance at present as sending him out of the
-country and into new scenes. But of what use were all a father’s careful
-arrangements if they were thus balked by the perversity of the boy?
-
-Things were still in this painful suspense when Miss Lance announced to
-Colonel Kingsward her arrival in town. She described to him how it was
-that she was coming.
-
-“My friend is absent with her son till after Easter, and I am understood
-to be fond of town, and am coming to spend a week or two to see the
-first of the season, the pictures, &c., as well as a few friends whom I
-still keep up, the relics of brighter and younger days--this is the
-reason I give, but you will easily understand, dear Colonel Kingsward,
-that there is another reason far more near to my heart. Your poor boy!
-Or may I for once say our poor boy? For you are aware that I have never
-ceased to upbraid myself for what has happened, and that I shall always
-bear a mother’s heart to Charlie, dear fellow, to whom, in wishing him
-nothing but good, I have been so unfortunate as to do such dreadful
-wrong. Every word you say about your hopes for him, and the great chance
-which he is so likely to miss, cuts me to the heart. And it has occurred
-to me that there are some places in which he may have been heard of, to
-which I could myself go, or where I might take you if you wished, which
-you would not yourself be likely to know. I wish I had thought of them
-before. I come up now full of hope that we may hear something and find a
-reliable clue. I shall be in George Street, Hanover Square, a place
-which is luckily in the way for everything. Please come and see me. I
-hope you will not think I am presuming in endeavouring to solve a
-difficulty for which I am, alas, alas! partially to blame. To assure me
-of this at least if no more, come, do come to see me to-morrow, Tuesday
-afternoon. I shall do nothing till I have your approval.”
-
-This letter had an exciting effect upon the Colonel, more than anything
-he had known for years. He held it before him, yielding himself up to
-this pleasurable sensation for some minutes after he had read it. The
-Easter recess had left London empty, and he had been deprived of some of
-the ordinary social solaces which, though they increased the difficulty
-of keeping his son’s disappearance a secret, still broke the blank of
-his suspense and made existence possible. Hard to bear was the point
-blank shock which he had sometimes received, as when an indiscreet but
-influential friend suddenly burst upon him, “I don’t see your son’s name
-in the Oxford lists, Kingsward.” “No,” the Colonel had replied, with a
-countenance from which all expression had been dismissed, “we thought it
-better that he should keep to his special studies.” “Quite right, quite
-right,” answered that great official, for what is a mere degree to F.
-O.? Even to have such things as this said to him, with the chance of
-putting in a response, was better than the stagnation, in which a man is
-so apt to feel that all kinds of whispers are circulating in respect to
-the one matter which it is his interest to conceal.
-
-And his heart, though it was a middle-aged, and no longer nimble organ
-given to leaping, jumped up in his breast when he read his letter. There
-was the possible clue which it was good to hear of--and there was the
-listener to whom he could tell everything, who took such an entire and
-flattering share in his anxieties, with whom there was no need to invent
-excuses, or to conceal anything. Perhaps there were other reasons, too,
-which he did not put into words. The image which had dazzled him at
-Oxford rose again before his eyes. It was an image which had already
-often visited him. One of the handsomest women he had ever seen, and so
-flattering, so confidential, so deeply impressed by himself, so candid
-and anxious to blame herself, to place herself in his hands. He went
-back to town with agreeable instead of painful anticipations. To share
-one’s cares is always an alleviation--to be able openly to take a
-friend’s advice. The girls, to whom alone he could be perfectly open on
-this matter, were such little fools that he had ceased to discuss it
-with them, if, indeed, he had ever discussed it. And to nobody else
-could he speak on the subject at all. The opportunity of pouring forth
-all his speculations and alarms, of hearing the suggestions of another
-mind--and such a mind as hers--of finding a new clue, was balm to his
-angry, annoyed and excited spirit. There were other douceurs involved,
-which were not absent from his thoughts. The pleasure of the woman’s
-society, who was so flatteringly pleased with his, her mature beauty,
-which had so much attraction in it, the look of her eyes, which said
-more than words, the touch--laid upon his for a moment with so much
-eloquent expression, appeal, sympathy, consolation, provocation--of her
-beautiful hands. All this was in the Colonel’s mind. He had scarcely
-known what was the touch of a woman’s hand, at least in this way, during
-the course of his long, calm domestic life. He had been very fond of his
-wife, of course, and very tender, as well as he knew how, during her
-illness, though entirely unconscious of how much he demanded from her
-even in the course of that illness. But this was utterly different,
-apart from everything he had ever known. Friendship--that friendship
-between man and woman which has been the subject of so much sentimental
-controversy. Somebody whom Miss Lance had quoted to him, some great man
-in Oxford, had said it was the only real friendship; many others,
-amongst whom Colonel Kingsward himself had figured when at any moment so
-ridiculous an argument had crossed his path, denounced it as a mere
-unfounded fiction to conceal other sentiments. Dolts! It was the Oxford
-great man who was in the right of it. The only friendship!--with
-sweetness in it which no man could give, a more entire confidence, a
-more complete sympathy. He knew that he could say things to Laura--Miss
-Lance--which he could say to no man, and that a look from her eyes would
-do more to strengthen him than oceans of kind words from lips which
-would address him as “old fellow.” He had her image before him all the
-time as he went up in the train; it went with him into the decorous
-dulness of his office, and when he left his work an hour earlier than
-usual his steps were as light as a young man’s. He had not felt so much
-exhilaration of spirit since----; but he could scarcely go back to a
-date on which his bosom’s lord had sat so lightly on his throne. Truth
-to tell, Colonel Kingsward had fallen on evil days. Even the course of
-his ordinary existence, when he had gone through life with his pretty
-wife by his side, dining out constantly, going everywhere, though
-enjoyable in its way, and with the satisfaction of keeping up to the
-right mark, had not been exciting. She no doubt told for a great deal in
-his happiness, but there were no risks, no excitements, and not as much
-as the smart of an occasional quarrel between them. He had known what to
-expect of her in every emergency; there was nothing novel to be looked
-for, no unaccustomed flavour in anything she was likely to do or say. He
-did not make this comparison consciously, for indeed there was no
-comparison at all between his late wife (he called her so already in his
-mind) and Miss Lance--not the slightest comparison! The latter was a far
-more piquant thing--a friend--and the most delightful friend, surely,
-that ever man had!
-
-He found her in a little drawing-room on the first floor of what looked
-very much like an ordinary London lodging-house; but within it had
-changed its character completely, and had become, though in a different,
-more subtle way than that of the drawing-room in Oxford, the bower of
-Laura, a special habitation marked with her very name, like the
-notepaper on her table. He could not for the first moment avoid a
-bewildering idea that it was the same room in which he had seen her in
-Oxford transported thither. There seemed the same pictures on the walls,
-the same writing-table, or at least one arranged in precisely the same
-way, the same chairs placed two together for conversation. What a
-wonderful creature she was, thus to put the stamp of her own being upon
-everything she touched. Once more he had to wait for a minute or two
-before she came, but she made no apology for her delay. She came in with
-her hand extended, with an air of sympathy yet satisfaction at the sight
-of him which went to Colonel Kingsward’s heart. If she had been sorry
-only it would have displeased him, as showing a mind occupied wholly
-with Charlie, but the delicate mingling of pleasure with concern was
-exactly what the Colonel felt to be most fit.
-
-“I am so glad to see you,” she said. “How kind of you to come so soon,
-to pay such prompt attention to my wish.”
-
-“Considering that it was my own wish,” he said, “and what I desired
-most, I should say how good of you to come, but I can’t venture to hope
-that it was entirely for me.”
-
-“It was very much for you, Colonel Kingsward. You know what blame I take
-to myself for all that has happened. And I think, perhaps, I may have it
-in my power to make some inquiries that would not suggest themselves.
-But we must talk of this after. In the meantime, I can’t but think first
-of you. What an ordeal for you--what weary work! But what a pull over us
-you men have! You keep your great spirit and command over yourself
-through everything, while, whatever little trouble we may have, it shows
-immediately. Oh,” said Miss Lance, clasping her hands, “a calm strong
-man is a sight which it elevates one only to see.”
-
-“You give me far too much credit. One is obliged to keep a good face to
-the world. I don’t approve of people who wash their dirty linen in
-public.”
-
-“Don’t try to make yourself little with all this commonplace reasoning.
-You need not explain yourself to me, dear Colonel Kingsward. I flatter
-myself that I have the gift of understanding, if nothing else.”
-
-“A great many things else,” he said; “and indeed my keeping up in this
-emergency has been greatly helped by your great friendship and moral
-support. I don’t know what you have done to this room,” he added,
-changing the theme quickly, “did you bring it with you? It is not a mere
-room in London--it is your room. I should have known it among a
-thousand.”
-
-“What a delightful compliment,” she said. “I am so glad you think so,
-for it is one of the things I pride myself on. I think I can always make
-even a lodging-house look a bit like home.”
-
-“It looks like you,” he repeated. “I don’t notice such matters much, but
-no one could help seeing. And I hope you are to be here for some time,
-and that if I can be of any use--”
-
-“Oh! Colonel Kingsward, don’t hold out such flattering hopes. You of
-use! Of course, to a lone woman in town you would be far more than of
-use--you would simply be a tower of strength. But I do not come here to
-make use of you. I come--”
-
-“You could not give me greater pleasure than by making use of me. I am
-not going much into society, my house is not open--my girls are too
-young to take the responsibilities of a season upon themselves; but
-anything that a single individual can do to be of service--”
-
-“Your dear girls--how I should like to see them, to be able to take them
-about a little, to make up to those poor children as far as a stranger
-could! But I can scarcely hope that you would trust them to me after the
-trouble I have helped to bring on you all. Dear Colonel Kingsward, your
-chivalrous offer will make all the difference in my life. If you will
-give me your arm sometimes, on a rare occasion--”
-
-“As often as you please--and the oftener the more it will please me,” he
-cried, in tones full of warmth and eagerness. Miss Lance raised her
-grateful eyes to him full of unspeakable things. She made no further
-reply except by one of those light touches upon his arm less than
-momentary, if that were possible, like the brush of a wing, or an
-ethereal contact of ideas.
-
-And then she said gravely, “Now about that poor, dear boy; we must find
-him, oh, we must find him. I have thought of several places where he may
-have been seen. Do you know that I met him once by chance in town last
-year? It was at the Academy, where I was with some artist friends. I
-introduced him to them, and you know there is great freedom among them,
-and they have a great charm for young men. I think some of them may have
-seen him. I have put myself in communication with them.”
-
-“I would not for a moment,” said the Colonel, somewhat stiffly, “consent
-to burden you with inquiries of this kind!”
-
-“You do not think,” she said, sweetly, “that I would do anything, or say
-anything to compromise him or you?”
-
-The Colonel looked at her with the strangest sudden irritation. “I was
-not thinking either of him or myself. Why should you receive men, who
-must be entirely out of your way, for our sakes?”
-
-“Oh,” she said, with a soft laugh, “you are afraid that I may compromise
-myself.” She rose with an unspoken impulse, which made him rise also, in
-spite of himself, with a feeling of unutterable downfall, and the sense
-of being dismissed. “Don’t be afraid for me, Colonel Kingsward, I beg. I
-shall not compromise anyone.” Then she turned with a sudden illumination
-of a smile. “Come back and see me to-morrow, and you shall hear what I
-have found out.”
-
-And he went away humbly, relieved yet mortified, not holding his head as
-high as when he came, but already longing for to-morrow, when he might
-come back.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XXXIX.
-
-
-COLONEL KINGSWARD had been flattered, he had been pleased. He had felt
-himself for a moment one of the exceptional men in whom women find an
-irresistible attraction, and then he had been put down and dismissed
-with the calmest decision, with a peremptoriness which nobody in his
-life had ever used to him. All these sweetnesses, and then to be, as it
-were, huddled out of doors the moment he said a word which was not
-satisfactory to that imperial person! He could not get it out of his
-mind during the evening nor all the night through, during which it
-occurred to him whenever he woke, as a prevailing thought does. And he
-had been right, too. To send for men, any kind of men, artists whom she
-herself described as having so much freedom in their ways, and have
-interviews with them, was a thing to which he had a good right to
-object. That is, her friend had a right to object to it--her friend who
-took the deepest interest in her and all that she was doing. That it was
-for Charlie’s advantage made really no difference. This gave a beautiful
-and admirable motive, but then all her motives were beautiful and
-admirable, and it must be necessary in some cases to defend her against
-the movements of her own good heart. Evidently she did not sufficiently
-think of what the world would say, nor, indeed, of what was essentially
-right; for that a woman of her attractions, still young, living
-independently in rooms of her own, should receive artists
-indiscriminately, nay, send for them, admit them to sit perhaps for an
-hour with her, with no chaperon or companion, was a thing that could not
-be borne. This annoyance almost drove Charlie out of Colonel Kingsward’s
-head. He felt that when he went to her next day he must, with all the
-precautions possible, speak his mind upon this subject. A woman with
-such attractions, really a young woman, alone; nobody could have more
-need of guarding against evil tongues. And artists were proverbially an
-unregulated, free-and-easy race, with long hair and defective linen, not
-men to be privileged with access under any circumstances to such a
-woman. Unquestionably he must deliver his soul on that subject for her
-own sake.
-
-He thought about it all the morning, how to do it best. It relieved his
-mind about Charlie. Charlie! Charlie was only a young fellow after all,
-taking his own way, as they all did, never thinking of the anxiety he
-gave his family. And no doubt he would turn up of his own accord when he
-was tired of it. That she should depart from the traditions which
-naturally are the safeguards of ladies for the sake of a silly boy, who
-took so little trouble about the peace of mind of his family, was
-monstrous. It was a thing which he could not permit to be.
-
-When he went into his private room at his office, Colonel Kingsward
-found a card upon his table which increased the uneasiness in his mind,
-though he could not have told why. He took it up with great surprise
-and anger. “Mr. Aubrey Leigh.” He supposed it must have been a card left
-long ago, when Aubrey Leigh was Bee’s suitor, and had come repeatedly,
-endeavouring to shake her father’s determination. He looked at it
-contemptuously, and then pitched it into the fire.
-
-What a strange perversity there is in these inanimate things! It seemed
-as if some malicious imp must have replaced that card there on that very
-morning to disturb him.
-
-Colonel Kingsward did not remember how it was that the name, the sacred
-name, of Miss Lance was associated with that of Aubrey Leigh. He had
-been much surprised, as well as angry, at the manner in which Bee
-repeated that name, when she heard it first, with a vindictive jealousy
-(these words came instinctively to his mind) which was not
-comprehensible. He had refused indignantly to allow that she had ever
-heard the name before. Nevertheless, her cry awakened a vague
-association in his mind. Something or other, he could not recollect
-what, of connection, of suggestion, was in the sound. He threw Aubrey’s
-card into the fire, and endeavoured to dismiss all thought on the
-subject. But it was a difficult thing to do. It is to be feared that
-during those morning hours the work which Colonel Kingsward usually
-executed with so much exactitude, never permitting, as he himself
-stated, private matters--even such as the death of his wife or the
-disappearance of his son--to interfere with it, was carried through with
-many interruptions and pauses for thought, and at the earliest possible
-moment was laid aside for that other engagement which had nothing to do
-either with the office or the Service, though it was, he flattered
-himself, a duty, and one of the most lofty kind.
-
-To save a noble creature, if possible, from the over generosity of her
-own heart; to convince her that such proceedings were inappropriate,
-inconsistent with her dignity, as well as apt to give occasion for the
-adversary to blaspheme--this was the mission which inspired him. If he
-thought of a natural turning towards himself, the friend of friends, in
-respect to whom the precautions he enforced were unnecessary, in
-consequence of these remonstrances, he kept it carefully in the
-background of his thoughts. It was a duty. This beautiful, noble woman,
-all frankness and candour, had taken the part of an angel in
-endeavouring to help him in his trouble. Could he permit her to sully
-even the tip of a wing of that generous effort. Certainly not! On the
-contrary, it became doubly his duty to protect her in every way.
-
-This time Miss Lance was in her drawing-room, seated in one of the pair
-of chairs which were arranged for intimate conversation. She did not
-rise, but held out her hand to him, with a soft impulse towards the
-other--in which Colonel Kingsward accordingly seated himself, with a
-solemnity upon his brow which she had no difficulty in interpreting,
-quick-witted as she was. She did not loose a shade upon that forehead, a
-note of additional gravity in his voice. She knew as well as he did the
-duty which he had come to perform. And she was a woman--not only
-quick-witted and full of a definite aim, but one who took real pleasure
-in her own dexterity, and played her _rôle_ with genuine enjoyment. She
-allowed him to open the conversation with much dignified earnestness,
-and even to begin, “My dear Miss Lance,” his countenance charged with
-warning before she cut the ground from under his feet in the lightest,
-yet most complete way.
-
-“I know you are going to say something very serious when you adopt that
-tone, so please let me discharge my mind first. Mrs. Revel kindly came
-to me after you left yesterday, and she has made every inquiry--indeed,
-as she compelled me to go back with her to dinner, I saw for myself----”
-
-“Mrs. Revel?” said the Colonel.
-
-“Didn’t you know he was married? Oh, yes, to a great friend of mine, a
-dear little woman. It is in their house I meet my artists, whom I told
-you of. Tuesday is her night, and they were all there. I was able to
-make my investigations without any betrayal. But I am very, very sorry
-to say, dear Colonel Kingsward, equally without any effect.”
-
-“Without any effect,” Colonel Kingsward repeated, confused. He was not
-so quick-witted as she was, and it took him some time to make his way
-through these mazes. Revel, the painter, was a name, indeed, that he had
-heard vaguely, but his wife, so suddenly introduced, and her “night,”
-and the people described as my artists, wound him in webs of
-bewilderment through which it was very difficult to guide his steps. It
-became apparent to him, however, after a moment, that whatever those
-things might mean, the ground had been cut from under his feet. “Does
-Mrs. Revel know?” he added after a moment, in his bewilderment.
-
-“Know--our poor dear boy? Oh, yes; I took him there--in my foolish
-desire to do the best I could for him, and thinking that to see other
-circles outside of his own was good for a young man. I couldn’t take him
-the round of the studios, you know--could I? But I took him to the
-Revels. She is a charming little woman, a woman whom I am very fond of,
-and--more extraordinary still, don’t you think, Colonel Kingsward?--who
-is fond of me.”
-
-The Colonel was not up to the mark in this emergency. He did not give
-the little compliment which is expected after such a speech. He sat
-dumb, a dull, middle-aged blush rising over his face. He had no longer
-anything to say; instead of the serious, even impassioned remonstrance
-which he was about to address to her, he could only murmur a faint
-assent, a question without meaning. And in place of the generous,
-imprudent creature, following her own hasty impulses, disregarding the
-opinion of the world, whom he had expected to find, here was female
-dignity in person, regulated by all the nicest laws of propriety. He was
-struck dumb--the ground was cut from beneath his feet.
-
-“This is only an interruption on my part. You were going to say
-something to me? And something serious? I prize so much everything you
-say that I must not lose it. Pray say it now, dear Colonel Kingsward.
-Have I done something you don’t like? I am ready to accept even
-blame--though you know what women are in that way, always standing out
-that they are right--from you.”
-
-Colonel Kingsward looked at her, helpless, still without a word to say.
-There was surely a laughing demon in her eyes which saw through and
-through him and knew the trouble in his mind; but her face was serious,
-appealing, a little raised towards him, waiting for his words as if her
-fate hung upon them. The colour rose over his middle-aged countenance to
-the very hair which was beginning to show traces of white over his high
-forehead.
-
-“Blame!” he stammered, scarcely knowing what he said, “I hope you don’t
-think me quite a fool.”
-
-“What,” she cried, picking him up as it were on the end of her lance,
-holding him out to the scorn--if not of the world, yet of himself. “Do
-you think so little of a woman, Colonel Kingsward, that you would not
-take the trouble to find fault with her? Ah! Don’t be so hard! You would
-not be a fool if you did that--you should find that I would take it with
-gratitude, accept it, be guided by it. Believe me, I am worthy, if you
-think me in the wrong, to be told so--I am, indeed I am!”
-
-Were these tears in her fine eyes? She made them look as if they were,
-and filled him with a compunction and a shame of his own superficial
-judgment impossible to put into words.
-
-“I--think you wrong!” he said, stammering and faltering. “I would as
-soon think that--heaven was wrong. I--blame you! Dear Miss Laura, how,
-how can you imagine such a thing? I should be a miserable idiot indeed
-if----”
-
-“Come,” she said, “I begin to think you didn’t mean--now that you have
-called me by my name.”
-
-“I beg you a thousand pardons. I--I--It was a slip of the tongue. It
-was--from the signature to your letters--which is somehow so like
-you----”
-
-“Yes,” she said. “It pleases me very much that you should think so--more
-like me than Lance. Lance! What a name! My mother made a mésalliance. I
-don’t give up my father, poor dear, though he has saddled me with such a
-family--but Laura is me, whereas Lance is only--an accident.”
-
-“An accident that may be removed,” he said, involuntarily. It was a
-thing that might be said to any unmarried woman, a conventional sort of
-half compliment, which custom would have permitted him to put in even
-stronger terms--but to her! When he had said it horror seized his soul.
-
-“No,” she said, gently shaking her head. “No. At my age one does not
-recover from an accident like that; one must bear the scar all one’s
-days. And you really had nothing to find fault with me about?”
-
-“How monstrous!” he cried, “to entertain such a thought.” Then, for he
-was really uneasy in his sense of guilt, he plunged into a new snare.
-“My little daughter, Betty,” he said, “is coming to town to-day to visit
-some friends in Portman Square. I wonder if I might bring her to see
-you.”
-
-“Your daughter!” cried Miss Lance, clasping her hands, “a thing I did
-not venture to ask--the very first desire of my heart. Your daughter! I
-would go anywhere to see her. If you will be so nice, so sweet, so kind
-as to bring her, Colonel Kingsward!”
-
-“I shall, indeed, to-morrow. It will do her good to see you. At her
-susceptible age the very sight of such a woman as you--”
-
-“No compliments,” she cried, “if I am not to be blamed I must not be
-praised either--and I deserve it much less. Is she the eldest?” There
-was a gleam under her half-dropped eyelids which the Colonel was vaguely
-aware of but did not understand.
-
-“The second,” he said. “My eldest girl is Bee, in many respects a
-stronger character than her sister, but on the other hand--”
-
-“I know,” said Miss Lance, “a little wilful, fond of her own way and her
-own opinion. Oh, that is a good fault in a girl! When they are a little
-chastened they turn out the finest women. But I understand what a man
-must feel for this little sweet thing who has not begun to have a will
-of her own.”
-
-It was not perhaps a very perfect characterisation of Betty, but still
-it flattered him to see how she entered into his thoughts. “I think you
-understand everything,” he said.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XL.
-
-
-IT was not with any intention, but solely to deliver himself from the
-dilemma in which he found himself--the inconceivable error he had made,
-imagining that it was necessary to censure, however gently, and warn
-against too much freedom of action, a woman so absolutely above
-reproach, and so full of ladylike dignity as Miss Lance--that Colonel
-Kingsward had named the name of Betty, his little daughter, just arrived
-in that immaculate stronghold of the correct and respectable Portman
-Square. He was a little uneasy about it when he thought of it
-afterwards. He was not sure that he desired even Betty to be aware of
-his intimacy with Miss Lance. He felt that her youthful presence would
-change, in some degree, the character of his relations with the
-enchantress who was stealing his wits away. The kind of conversation
-that had arisen so naturally between them, the sentiment, the
-confidences, the singular strain of mutual understanding which he felt,
-with mingled pride and bashfulness--bashfulness sat strangely upon the
-much-experienced Colonel, yet such was his feeling--to exist between
-Laura and himself, must inevitably sustain certain modifications under
-the sharp eyes of the child. She would not understand that subtle but
-strong link of friendship. He would require to be more distant, to treat
-his exquisite friend more like an ordinary acquaintance while under the
-inspection of Betty, even though he was perfectly assured that Betty
-knew nothing about such matters. And what, then, would Laura say?
-Confident as she was in her own perfect honour and candour, would she
-understand the subdued manner, the more formal address which would be
-necessary in the presence of the child? It was true that she understood
-everything without a word said; but then her own entire innocence of
-any motive but those of heavenly kindness and friendship might induce
-her to laugh at his precautions. Was it, perhaps, because he felt his
-motives to be not unmingled that the Colonel felt this? Anyhow, the
-introduction of Betty, whom he had snatched at in his haste to save him
-from the consequences of his own folly, would be a trouble to the
-intercourse which, as it was, was so consolatory and so sweet.
-
-It must be added that Miss Lance, before he left her, had been very
-consolatory to him on the subject of Charlie, which, though always lying
-at the bottom of his thoughts, had begun in the midst of these new
-developments to weigh upon him less, perhaps, than it was natural it
-should have done. She had suggested that Charlie had friends in
-Scotland, that he had most probably gone there to avoid for a time his
-father’s wrath, that in all probability he was enjoying himself, and
-very well cared for, putting off from day to day the necessity of
-writing.
-
-“He never was, I suppose, much of a correspondent?” she said.
-
-“No,” Colonel Kingsward had replied, doubtfully; for indeed there never
-had been anything at all to call correspondence between him and his son.
-Charlie had written to his mother, occasionally to his sisters, but to
-his father, save when he wanted money, scarcely at all.
-
-“Then this is what has happened,” said Laura; “he has gone off to be as
-far out of the way as possible. He is fishing in Loch Tay--or he is
-playing golf somewhere--you know his habits.”
-
-“And so it seems do you,” said the Colonel, a little jealous of his son.
-
-“Oh, you know how a boy chatters of everything he does and likes.”
-
-Colonel Kingsward nodded his head gloomily. He did not know how boys
-chattered--no boy had ever chattered to him; but he accepted with a
-moderate satisfaction the fact that she, Laura, from whom he felt that
-he himself could have no secret, had taken, and did take, the trouble of
-turning the heart even--of a boy--outside in.
-
-“Depend upon it,” said Miss Lance, “that is where he has gone, and he
-has not meant to make you anxious. Perhaps he thinks you have never
-discovered that he had left Oxford, and he has meant to write day by
-day. Don’t you know how one does that? It is a little difficult to
-begin, and one says, ‘To-morrow,’ and then ‘To-morrow’; and the time
-flies on. Dear Colonel Kingsward, you will find that all this time he is
-quite happy on Loch Tay.” She held out her hand to emphasise these
-words, and the Colonel, though all unaccustomed to such signs of
-enthusiasm, kissed that hand which held out comfort to him. It was a
-beautiful hand, so soft, like velvet, so yielding and flexible in his,
-and yet so firm in its delicate pressure. He went away with his head
-slightly turned, and the blood coursing through his veins. But when he
-thought of little Betty he dropped down, down into a blank of decorum
-and commonplace. Before Betty he certainly could not kiss any lady’s
-hand. He would have to shake hands with Laura as he did with old Mrs.
-Lyon in Portman Square, who, indeed, was a much older friend. This
-thought gave him a little feeling of contrariety and uneasiness in the
-contemplation of his promise to take his little girl to George Street,
-Hanover Square.
-
-And next morning when he went into his office, Colonel Kingsward’s
-annoyance and indignation could not be expressed when he found once more
-upon his writing-table, placed in a conspicuous position so that he
-could not overlook it, the card of Mr. Aubrey Leigh. Who had fished it
-out of the waste paper basket and placed it there? He rang his bell
-hastily to overwhelm his attendant with angry reproof. He could not have
-told, himself, why it made him so angry to see that card. It looked like
-some vulgar interference with his most private affairs.
-
-“Where did you find this card?” he said, angrily, “and why is it
-replaced here? I threw it into the fire--or somewhere, yesterday--and
-here it is again as if the man had called to-day.”
-
-“The gentleman did call, sir, yesterday.”
-
-“What?” cried Colonel Kingsward, in a voice like a trumpet; but the man
-stood his ground.
-
-“The gentleman did call, sir, yesterday. He has called two or three
-times; once when you were in the country. He seemed very anxious to see
-you. I said two o’clock for a general thing, but you have been leaving
-the office earlier for a day or two.”
-
-“You are very impertinent to say anything of the kind, or to give anyone
-information of my private movements; see that it never occurs again. And
-as for this gentleman,” he held up his card for a moment, looked at it
-contemptuously and then pitched it once more into the fireplace, “be so
-good as to understand that I will not see him, whether he comes at two
-or at any other hour.”
-
-“Am I to tell him so, sir?” said the man, annoyed.
-
-“Of course you are to tell him so; and mind you don’t bring me any
-message or explanation. I will not see him--that is enough; now you can
-go.”
-
-“Shall I---- say you’re too busy, Colonel, or just going out, or
-engaged----?”
-
-“No!” shouted Colonel Kingsward, with a force of breath which blew the
-attendant away like a strong wind. The Colonel returned to his work and
-his correspondence with an irritation and annoyance which even to
-himself seemed beyond the occasion. Bee’s old lover, he supposed, had
-taken courage to make another attempt; but nothing would induce him to
-change his former decision. He would not hear a word, not a word! A kind
-of panic mingled in his hasty impulse of rage. He would not so much as
-see the fellow--give him any opportunity of renewing---- Was it his suit
-to Bee? Was it something else indefinite behind? Colonel Kingsward did
-not very well know, but he was determined on one thing--not to allow the
-presence of this intruder, not to hear a word that he had to say.
-
-And then about Betty--that was annoying too, but he had promised to do
-it, and to break his word to Laura was a thing he could not do.
-Laura--Miss Laura, if she pleased, though that is not a usual mode of
-address--but not Lance--how right she was! The name of Lance did not
-suit her at all, and yet how just and sweet all the same. Her mother had
-made a mésalliance, but there was no pettiness about her. She held by
-her father, though she was aware of his inferiority. And then he thought
-of her as she shook her head gently, and smiled at his awkward
-stumbling suggestion that the accident of the name was not irremediable.
-“At my age,”--what was her age? The most delightful, the most
-fascinating of ages, whatever it was. Not the silly girlhood of Bee and
-Betty, but something far more entrancing, far more charming. These
-thoughts interfered greatly with his correspondence, and made the mass
-of foreign newspapers, and the military intelligence from all over the
-world, which it was his business to look over, appear very dull,
-uninteresting and confused. He rose hastily after a while, and took his
-hat and sallied forth to Portman Square, where he was expected to
-luncheon. He was relieved, on the whole, to be thus legitimately out of
-the way in case that fellow should have the audacity to call again.
-
-“I want you to come out with me, Betty,” he said, after that meal, which
-was very solemn, serious and prolonged, but very dull and not
-appetising. “I want to take you to see a friend--”
-
-“Oh, papa! we are going to---- Mrs. Lyon was going to take me to see
-Mr. Revel’s picture before he sends it in.”
-
-“To-morrow will do, my dear, equally well, if your papa wants you to go
-anywhere.”
-
-“Mr. Revel’s picture? He is precisely a friend of the friend I am going
-to take you to see.” For a moment Colonel Kingsward wavered thinking how
-much more agreeable it would be to have his interview with Laura
-undisturbed by the presence of this little chit with her sharp eyes. But
-he was a soldier and faithful to his consignee. “If it will do as well
-to-morrow, and will not derange Mrs. Lyon’s plans, I should like you to
-come now.”
-
-“Run and get ready, Betty,” cried the old lady, to whom obedience was a
-great quality, “and there will still be time to go there, if you are not
-very long, when you come back.”
-
-The Colonel felt as if his foot was upon more solid ground; not that any
-doubt of Laura had ever been in his mind--but yet---- He had not
-suspected the existence of any link between her and Portman Square.
-
-“Mr. Revel is a very good painter, I suppose?” he said.
-
-“A great painter, we all think; and beginning to be really acknowledged
-in the art world,” said the old lady, who liked it to be known that she
-knew a great deal about pictures, and was herself considered to have
-some authority in that interesting sphere.
-
-“And--hasn’t he a wife? I think I heard someone talking of his wife.”
-
-“Yes, a dear little woman!” cried Mrs. Lyon. “Her Tuesdays are the most
-pleasant parties. We always go when we are able. Ah! here is Betty, like
-a little rose. Now, acknowledge you are proud to have a little thing
-like that, Colonel, to walk with you through the park on a fine day like
-this?”
-
-Colonel Kingsward looked at Betty. She was a pretty little blooming
-creature. He did not regard her with any enthusiasm, and yet she was a
-creditable creature enough to belong to one. He gave a little nod of
-approving indifference. Betty was very much admired at Portman
-Square--from Gerald, who kept up an artillery of glances across the big
-table, to the old butler, who called her attention specially to any
-dish that was nicer than usual, and carried meringues to her twice, she
-was the object of everybody’s regards. Her father did not, naturally,
-look at her from the same point of view, but he was sufficiently pleased
-with her appearance. He was pleased, too, exhilarated, he could scarcely
-tell why, by the fact that Mrs. Lyon knew the painter’s wife and spoke
-of her as a “dear little woman,” the very words Laura had used. Did he
-require any guarantee that Laura herself was of the same order, knew the
-same sort of people as his other friends? Had such a question been put
-to him, the Colonel would have knocked the man down who made it, as in
-days when duelling was possible he would have called him out---- But
-yet--at all events it gave him much satisfaction that the British matron
-in the shape of Mrs. Lyon spoke no otherwise of the lady whom for one
-terrible moment of delusion he had intended to warn against intercourse,
-too little guarded, with such equivocal men as artists. He shuddered
-when he thought of that extraordinary aberration.
-
-“Who is it, papa, we are going to see?” said Betty’s little voice by his
-side.
-
-“It is a lady--who has taken a great interest in your brother.”
-
-“Oh, papa, that I should not have asked that the first thing! Have you
-any news?”
-
-“Nothing that I can call news, but I think I may say I have reason to
-believe that Charlie has gone up to the north to the Mackinnons. That
-does not excuse him for having left us in this anxiety; but the idea,
-which did not occur to me till yesterday, has relieved my mind.”
-
-“To the Mackinnons!” said Betty, doubtfully, “but then I heard----” She
-stopped herself suddenly, and added after a moment, “How strange, papa,
-if he is there, that none of them should have written.”
-
-“It is strange; but perhaps when you think of all things, not so very
-strange. He probably has not explained the circumstances to them, and
-they will think that he has written; they would not feel it
-necessary--why should they?--to let us know of his arrival. That, as a
-matter of course, they would expect him to have done. I don’t think, on
-the whole, it is at all strange; on his part inexcusable, but not to be
-expected from them.”
-
-“But, papa!” cried Betty.
-
-“What is it?” he said, almost crossly. “I don’t mind saying,” he added,
-“that even for him there may be excuses--if such folly can ever be
-excused. He never writes to me in a general way, and it would not be a
-pleasant letter to write; and no doubt he has put it off from day to
-day, intending always to do it to-morrow--and every day would naturally
-make it more difficult.” Thus he went on repeating unconsciously all the
-suggestions that had been made to him. “Remember, Betty,” he said, “as
-soon as you see that you have done anything wrong, always make a clean
-breast of it at once; the longer you put it off the more difficult you
-will find it to do.”
-
-“Yes, papa,” said little Betty, with great doubt in her tone. She did
-not know what to think, for she had in her blotting book at Portman
-Square a letter lately received from one of these same Mackinnons in
-which not a word was said of Charlie. Why should not Helen have
-mentioned him had he been there? And yet, if papa thought so, and if it
-relieved his mind to think so, what was Betty to set up a different
-opinion? Her mind was still full of this thought when she found herself
-following her father up the narrow stairs into the little drawing-room.
-There she was met by a lady, who rose and came forward to her, holding
-out two beautiful hands. “Such hands!” Betty said afterwards. Her own
-were plump, reddish articles, small enough and not badly shaped, but
-scarcely free from the scars and smirches of gardening, wild-flower
-collecting, pony saddling, all the unnecessary pieces of work that a
-country girl’s, like a country boy’s, are employed for. She had at the
-moment a hopeless passion for white hands. And these drew her close,
-while the beautiful face stooped over her and gave her a soft lingering
-kiss. Was it a beautiful face? At least it was very, very handsome--fine
-features, fine eyes, an imposing benignity, like a grand duchess at the
-very least.
-
-“So this is little Betty,” the lady said, to whom she was presented by
-that title, “just out of last century, with her grandmother’s name, and
-the newest version of her grandmother’s hat. How pretty! Oh, it is your
-hat, you know, not you, that I am admiring. Like a little rose!”
-
-Betty had no prejudices aroused in her mind by this lady’s name, for
-Colonel Kingsward did not think it necessary to pronounce it. He said,
-“My little Betty,” introducing the girl, but he did not think it needful
-to make any explanations to her. And she thus fell, all unprotected,
-under the charm. Laura talked to her for full five minutes without
-taking any notice of the Colonel, and drew from her all she wanted to
-see, and the places to which she was going, making a complete conquest
-of the little girl. It was only when Colonel Kingsward’s patience was
-quite exhausted, and he was about to jump up and propose somewhat
-sullenly to leave his daughter with her new friend, that Miss Lance
-turned to him suddenly with an exclamation of pleasure.
-
-“Did you hear, Colonel Kingsward? She was going to see Arthur Revel’s
-picture this afternoon. And so was I! Will you come too? He is a great
-friend of mine, as I told you, and he knew dear Charlie, and, of course,
-he would be proud and delighted to see you. Shall we take Betty back to
-Portman Square to pick up her carriage and her old lady, and will you go
-humbly on foot with me? We shall meet them, and Mrs. Revel shall give us
-tea.”
-
-“Oh, papa, do!” Betty cried.
-
-It was not perhaps what he would have liked best, but he yielded with a
-very good grace. He had not, perhaps, been so proud of little Betty by
-his side as the Lyons had expected, but Laura by his side was a
-different matter. He could not help remarking how people looked at her
-as they went along, and his mind was full of pride in the handsome,
-commanding figure, almost as tall as himself, and walking like a queen.
-Yet it made his head turn round a little when he saw Miss Lance seated
-by Mrs. Lyon’s side in the studio, talking intimately to her of the
-whole Kingsward family, while Betty clung to her new friend as if she
-had known her all her life. Old Mrs. Lyon was still more startled, and
-her head went round too. “What a handsome woman!” she said, in Colonel
-Kingsward’s ear. “What a delightful woman! Who is she?”
-
-“Miss Lance,” he said, rather stupidly, feeling how little information
-these words conveyed. Miss Lance? Who was Miss Lance? If he had said
-Laura it might have been a different matter.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XLI.
-
-
-WHILE all these things were going on, Bee was left at Kingswarden alone.
-That is to say, she was so far from being alone that her solitude was
-absolute. She had all the children and was very busy among them. She had
-the two boys home for the Easter holidays; the house was full of the
-ordinary noise, mirth and confusion natural to a large young family
-under no more severe discipline than that exercised by a young elder
-sister. The big boys, were in their boyish way, gentlemen, and deferred
-to Bee more or less--which set a good example to the younger ones; but
-she was enveloped in a torrent of talk, fun, games and jest, which raged
-round her from before she got up in the morning till at least the
-twilight, when the nursery children got tired, and the big boys having
-exhausted every method of amusement during the day, began to feel the
-burden of nothing to do, and retired into short-lived attempts at
-reading, or games of beggar-my-neighbour, or any other simple mode of
-possible recreation--descending to the level of imaginary football with
-an old hat through the corridor before it was time to go to bed.
-
-In the evening Bee was thus completely alone, listening to the distant
-bumps in the passage, and the voices of the players. The drawing-room
-was large, but it was indifferently lighted, which is apt to make a
-country drawing-room gloomy in the evening. There was one shaded lamp on
-a writing-table, covered at this moment with colour boxes and rough
-drawings of the boys, who had been constructing a hut in the grounds,
-and wasting much vermillion and Prussian blue on their plans for it; and
-near the fireplace, in which the chill of the Spring still required a
-little fire, was another lamp, shining silently upon Bee’s white dress
-and her hands crossed in her lap. Her face and all its thoughts were in
-the shade, nobody to share, nobody to care what they were.
-
-Betty was in town. Her one faithful though not always entirely
-sympathetic companion, the aunt--at all times not much more than a piece
-of still life--was unwell and had gone to bed; Charlie was lost in the
-great depth and silence of the world; Bee was thus alone. She had been
-working for the children, making pinafores or some other necessary, as
-became her position as sister-mother; for where there are so many
-children there is always a great deal to do; but she had grown tired of
-the pinafores. If it were not a hard thing to say she was a little tired
-of the children too, tired of having to look after them perpetually, of
-the nurse’s complaints, and the naughtiness of baby who was spoilt and
-unmanageable--tired of the bumping and laughing of the boys, and tired
-too of bidding them be quiet, not to rouse the children.
-
-All these things had suddenly become intolerable to Bee. She had a great
-many times expressed her thankfulness that she had so much to do, and no
-time to think--and probably to-morrow morning she would again be of
-that opinion; but in the meantime she was very tired of it all--tired of
-a position which was too much for her age, and which she was not able to
-bear. She was only a speck in the long, empty drawing-room, her white
-skirts and her hands crossed in her lap being all that showed
-distinctly, betraying the fact that someone was there, but with her face
-hidden in the rosy shade, there was nobody to see that tears had stolen
-up into Bee’s eyes. Her hands were idle, folded in her lap. She was
-tired of being dutiful and a good girl, as the best of girls are
-sometimes. It seemed to her for the moment a dreary world in which she
-was placed, merely to take care of the children, not for any pleasure of
-her own. She felt that she could not endure for another moment the
-bumping in the passage, and the distant voices of the boys. Probably if
-they went on there would be a querulous message from Aunt Helen, or
-pipings from the nursery of children woke up, and a furious descent of
-nurse, more than insinuating that Miss Bee did not care whether baby’s
-sleep was broken or not. But even with this certainty before her, Bee
-did not feel that she had energy to get up from her chair and interfere;
-it was too much. She was too solitary, left alone to bear all the
-burden.
-
-Then the habitual thought of Charlie returned to her mind. Poor Charlie!
-Where was he, still more alone than she. Perhaps hidden away in the
-silence of the seas, or tossing in a storm, going away, away where no
-one who cared for him would ever see him more. The tears which had come
-vaguely to her eyes dropped, making a mark upon her dress, legitimatised
-by this thought. Bee would have been ashamed had they fallen for
-herself; but for Charlie--Charlie lost!--none of his family knowing
-where he was--she might indeed be allowed to cry. Where was he? Where
-was he? If he had been here he would have been sitting with her, making
-things more possible. Bee knew very well in her heart that if Charlie
-had been with her he would not have been much help to her, that he would
-have been grumbling over his own hard fate, and calling upon her to pity
-him; but the absent, if they are sometimes wronged, have, on the other
-hand, the privilege of being remembered in their best aspect. Then Bee’s
-thoughts glided on from Charlie to someone else whom she had for a long
-time refused to think of, or tried to refuse to think of. She was so
-solitary to-night, with all her doors open to recollections, that he had
-stolen in before she knew, and now there was quite a shower of round
-blots upon her white dress. Aubrey--oh, Aubrey! who had betrayed her
-trust so, who had done her such cruel wrong!--but yet, but yet----
-
-She was interrupted by the entrance of a servant with the evening post.
-Kingswarden was near enough to town to have an evening post, which is a
-privilege not always desirable. But any incident was a good thing for
-poor Bee. She drew the pinafore, at which she had been working, hastily
-over her knee to hide the spots of moisture, and dashed the tears from
-her eyes with a rapid hand. In the shade of the lamp not even the most
-keen eyes could see that she had been crying. She even paused as she
-took the letter to say, “Will you please tell the boys not to make so
-much noise?” There were three letters on the tray--one for her father,
-one for her aunt, one Betty’s usual daily rigmarole of little news and
-nonsense which she never failed to send when she was away. Betty’s
-letter was very welcome to her sister. But as Bee read it her face began
-to burn. It became more and more crimson, so that the rose shade of the
-lamp was overpowered by a deeper and hotter colour. Betty to turn upon
-her, to take up the other side, to cast herself under that dreadful new
-banner of Fate! Bee’s breath came quickly, her heart beat with anger and
-trouble. She got up from her chair and began to walk quickly about the
-room, a sudden passion sweeping away all the forlorn sentiment of her
-previous thoughts. Betty! in addition to all the rest. Bee felt like the
-forlorn _chatelaine_ of a besieged castle alone to defend the walls
-against the march of a destroying invader. The danger which had been far
-off was coming--it was coming! And the castle had no garrison at all--if
-it were not perhaps those dreadful boys making noise enough to bring
-down the house, who were precisely the partisans least to be depended
-upon, who would probably throw down their arms without striking a blow.
-And Bee was alone, the captain deserted of all her forces to defend the
-sacred hearth and the little children. The little children! Bee stamped
-her foot upon the floor in an appeal, not to heaven, but to all the
-powers of Indignation, Fury, War, War! She would defend those walls to
-her last gasp. She would not give way, she would fight it out step by
-step, to keep the invader from the children. The nursery should be her
-citadel. Oh, she knew what would happen, she cried to herself
-inconsequently! Baby, who was spoilt, would be twisted into rigid shape,
-the little girls would be subdued like little mice--the boys--
-
-At this moment the old hat which served as a football came with a thump
-from the corridor into the hall, followed by a louder shout than ever
-from Arthur and Rex. Bee rushed forth upon them flinging the door open,
-with her blue eyes blazing.
-
-“Do you mean to bring down the house?” she said, in a sudden outburst.
-“Do you mean to break the vases and the mirror and wake up the whole
-nursery and bring Aunt Helen down upon us? For goodness sake try to
-behave like reasonable creatures, and don’t drive me out of my senses!”
-cried Bee.
-
-The boys were so startled by this onslaught that Rex, with a final kick
-sent the wretched old hat flying to the end of the passage which led to
-the servants’ hall, as if it were that harmless object that was to
-blame--while Arthur covered the retreat sulkily by a complaint that
-there was nothing to do in this beastly old hole, and that a fellow
-couldn’t read books all the day long. Bee was so inspired and thrilling
-with the passion in her, that she went further than any properly
-constituted female creature knowing her own position ought to do.
-
-“You have a great deal more to do than I have,” she said, “far, far more
-to do and to amuse yourselves with. Why should you expect so much more
-than I do, because you are boys and I am a girl? Is it fair? You’re
-always talking of things being fair. It isn’t fair that you should
-disturb the whole house, the little babies, and everyone for your
-pleasure; and I’m not so very much older than you are, and what
-pleasure have I?”
-
-The boys were very much cast down by this fiery remonstrance. There had
-been a squall as of several babies from the upper regions, and they had
-already been warned of the consequence of their horseplay. But Bee’s
-representation touched them in their tenderest point. Was it fair? Well,
-no, perhaps it was not quite fair. They went back after her, humbled,
-into the drawing-room, and besought her to join them in a game. After
-they had finally retired, having finished the evening to their own
-partial content, Bee took out again Betty’s letter and read it with less
-excitement than at first--or at least with less demonstration of
-excitement; this was what it said--
-
-“Bee, such a delightful woman, a friend of her papa’s! So handsome, so
-nice, so clever, so well dressed, everything you can think except young,
-which of course she is not--nor anything silly. Papa told me to get
-ready to come out with him to see an old friend of his and I wasn’t at
-all willing, didn’t like it, I thought it must be some old image like
-old Mrs. Mackinnon or Nancy Eversfield, don’t you know. Mrs. Lyon had
-settled to take me out to see some pictures, and Gerald was coming, and
-we were to have a turn in the park after, and I had put on my new frock
-and was looking forward to it, when papa came in with this order: ‘Get
-on your things and come with me, I want to take you to see an old
-friend.’ Of course I had to go, for Mrs. Lyon will never allow me to
-shirk anything. But I was not in a very good humour, though they called
-me as fresh as a rose and all that--to please papa; as if he cared how
-we look! He took me to George Street, Hanover Square, a horrid little
-lodging, such as people come to when they come up from the country. And
-I had to look as serious and as steady as possible for the sake of the
-old lady; when there rose up from the chair, oh, such a different
-person, tall, but as slight as you are, with such a handsome face and
-such a manner. She might have been--let us say a nice, sweet aunt--but
-aunt is not a name that means anything delightful; and mother I must not
-say, for there is only one mother in the whole world; oh, but something
-I cannot give a name, so understanding, so kind, so nice, for that means
-everything. She kissed me, and then she began to talk to me as if she
-knew everyone of us and was very fond of us all. And then about Charlie,
-whom she seemed to know very well. She called him dear Charlie, and
-I wonder if it is she who has persuaded papa that he is with
-the Mackinnons, in Scotland. But I know he is not with the
-Mackinnons--however, I will tell you about this after.
-
-“Dear Bee, what will you say when I tell you that this delightful woman
-is Miss Lance? You will say I have no heart, or no spirit, and am not
-sticking to you through thick and thin as I ought; but you must hear
-first what I have got to say. Had I known it was Miss Lance I should
-have shut myself close up, and whatever she had done or however nice she
-had been, I should have had nothing to say to her. If she had been an
-angel under that name I should have remembered what you had said, and I
-should not have seen any good in her. But I never heard what her name
-was till we were all in Mr. Revel’s studio, quite a long time after.
-Papa did as he always does, introduced me to her, but not her to me. He
-said: “My daughter Betty,” as if I must have known by instinct who she
-was. And, dear Bee, though I acknowledge you have every reason not to
-believe it, she is delightful, she is, she is! She may have done wrong.
-I can’t tell, of course; but I don’t believe she ever meant it, or to
-harm you, or Charlie, or anyone. Everybody is delighted with her. Mrs.
-Lyon, who you know is very particular, says she has the manners of a
-duchess--and that she is such a handsome, distinguished-looking woman.
-She is coming to dine here next Saturday. The only one who does not seem
-to be quite charmed with her is Gerald, who is prejudiced like you.
-
-“Do try to get over your prejudice, Bee, dear--she is, she is, indeed
-delightful! You only want to know her. By the way, about the Mackinnons:
-papa has got it firmly into his head that Charlie is there; he says his
-mind is quite relieved about him, and that the more he thinks of it, the
-more he is certain it is so; now I know that it is not so. I got a
-letter from Helen Mackinnon the day I came here, and there is not a
-word about Charlie--and she would have been certain to have mentioned
-him had he been there. I tried to say this to papa, but his head was so
-full of the other idea that he did not hear me at first, and I couldn’t
-go on. I whispered to Miss Lance in the studio, and asked her what I
-should do? She was so troubled and distressed about Charlie that the
-tears came into her eyes, but, after thinking a moment, she said, ‘Oh,
-dear child, don’t say anything. Your young friend might have been in a
-hurry, she might not have thought it necessary to speak of your brother.
-Oh, don’t let us worry him now! Bad news always comes soon enough, and,
-of course, he will find it out if it is so.’ Do you think she was right?
-But, oh Bee, dear Bee, I am afraid you will not think anything she says
-is right; and yet she is _delightful_. If only you knew her! Write
-directly, and tell me all you think.”
-
-Bee was not excited on this second reading. She did not spring to her
-feet, nor stamp on the floor, or feel inclined to call upon all the
-infernal gods. But her heart sank down as if it would never rise again,
-and a great pain took possession of her. Who was this witch, this
-magician, that everyone who belonged to Bee should be drawn into her
-toils--even Betty. What could she want with Betty, who was only a little
-girl, who was her sister’s natural second and support? Bee sat a long
-time with her head in her hands, letting the fire go out, feeling cold
-and solitary and miserable, and frightened to death.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XLII.
-
-
-IN the afternoon of the next day, Bee was again alone. The old aunt had
-come down for lunch, but gone up to her room again to rest after that
-meal. It was a little chilly outside. The children, of course, wrapped
-up in their warm things, and in the virtue of the English nursery, which
-shrinks from no east wind, were out for their various walks. The big
-boys, attended by such of the little boys as could be trusted with these
-athletes, were taking violent exercise somewhere, and Bee sat by the
-fire, alone. It is not a place for a girl of twenty. The little
-pinafore, half made, was on the table beside her. She had a book in her
-hand. Perhaps had she been a young wife looking for the return of her
-young husband in the evening, with all the air of the bigger world about
-him and an abundance of news, and plans, and life, a pretty enough
-picture might have been made of that cosy fireside retirement.
-
-But even this ideal has ceased to be satisfactory to the present
-generation. And Bee’s spirits and heart were very low. She had
-despatched a fiery letter to Betty, and with this all her anger had
-faded away. She had no courage to do anything. She seemed to have come
-to an end of all possibilities. She had no longer anyone to fall back
-upon as a supporter and sympathiser--not even Betty. Even this closest
-link of nature seemed to have been broken by that enemy.
-
-To have an enemy is not a very common experience in modern life. People
-may do each other small harms and annoyances, but to most of us the
-strenuous appeals and damnations of the Psalmist are quite beyond
-experience. But Bee had come back to the primitive state. She had an
-enemy who had succeeded in taking from her everything she cared for.
-Aubrey her betrothed, Charlie, her father, her sister, one after the
-other in quick succession. It was not yet a year and a half since she
-first heard this woman’s name, and in that time all these losses had
-happened. She was not even sure that her mother’s death was not the work
-of the same subtle foe; indeed, she brought herself to believe that it
-was at least accelerated by all the trouble and contention brought into
-the family by her own misery and rebellion--all the work of that woman!
-Why, why, had Bee been singled out for this fate? A little girl in an
-English house, like other girls--no worse, no better. Why should she
-alone in all England have this bitterness of an enemy to make her
-desolate and break her heart?
-
-While she was thus turning over drearily those dismal thoughts, there
-was a messenger approaching to point more sharply still the record of
-these disasters and their cause. Bee had laid down her book in her lap;
-her thoughts had strayed completely from it and gone back to her own
-troubles, when the door of the drawing-room opened quietly and a servant
-announced “Mrs. Leigh.” Mrs. Leigh! It is not an uncommon name. A Mrs.
-Lee lived in the village, a Mrs. Grantham Lea was the clergyman’s wife
-in the next parish. Bee drew her breath quickly and composed her looks,
-but thought of no visitor that could make her heavy heart beat. Not even
-when the lady came in, a more than middle-aged matron, of solid form and
-good colour, dressed with the subdued fashionableness appropriate to her
-age. It was not Mrs. Lee from the village, nor Mrs. Grantham Lea,
-nor---- Yet Bee had seen her before. She rose up a little startled and
-made a step or two forward.
-
-“You do not know me, Miss Kingsward? I cannot wonder at it, since we met
-but once, and that in circumstances---- Don’t start nor fly, though I
-see you have recognised me.”
-
-“Indeed I did not think of flying. Will you--will you--sit down.”
-
-“You need not be afraid of me, my poor child,” said Mrs. Leigh.
-
-Aubrey’s mother seated herself and looked with a kind yet troubled look
-at the girl, who still stood up in the attitude in which she had risen
-from her chair. “I scarcely saw you the other time,” she said. “It was
-in the garden. You did not give me a good reception. I should like
-much, sometime or other, if you would tell me why. I have never made out
-why. But don’t be afraid; it is not on that subject I have come to you
-now.”
-
-Bee seated herself. She kept her blue eyes, which seemed expanded and
-larger than usual, but had none of the former indignant blaze in them,
-fixed on the old lady’s face.
-
-“Your father is not here, the servant tells me--”
-
-“No--he is in town,” she answered, faltering, almost too much absorbed
-by anticipation to reply.
-
-“And you are alone--nobody with you to stand by you?”
-
-“Mrs. Leigh,” said Bee, catching her breath, “I don’t know why you
-should ask me such questions, or--or be sorry for me. I don’t need
-anybody to be sorry for me.”
-
-“Poor little girl! We needn’t go into that question. I am sorry for any
-girl who is motherless, who has to take her mother’s place. I would much
-rather have spoken to your father had he been here.”
-
-“After all,” said Bee, “my father could say nothing. It is I who must
-decide for myself.”
-
-She said this with an involuntary betrayal of her consciousness that
-there could be but one subject between them, and it was not in the power
-of Aubrey Leigh’s mother, however strongly aware she was of another
-theme on which she had come to speak, not to note how different was
-Bee’s reception of her from the other time, when the girl had fled from
-her presence and would not even hear what she had to say. Bee’s eyes
-were large and humid and full of an anxiety which was almost wistful.
-She had the air of refusing to hear with her lips, but eagerly expecting
-with her whole heart what was about to be said. And she looked so young,
-so solitary, in her mother’s chair, with a mother’s work lying about,
-the head of this silent house--that the heart of the elder woman was
-deeply touched. If little Betty had been like a rose, Bee was almost as
-white as the cluster of fragrant white narcissus that stood on the
-table. Poor little girl, so subdued and changed from the little
-passionate creature who would not hear a word, and whose indignation
-was stronger than even the zeal of the mother who had come to plead her
-son’s cause!
-
-Mrs. Leigh drew a little nearer and took Bee’s hand. The girl did not
-resist, but kept her eyes upon her steadily, watching, her mind in a
-great turmoil, not knowing what to expect.
-
-“My dear,” said the old lady, “don’t be alarmed. I have not come to
-speak about Aubrey. I cannot help hoping that one day you will do him
-justice; but, in the meantime, it is something else that has brought me
-here. Miss Kingsward--your brother--”
-
-Bee’s hand, in this lady’s clasp, betrayed her in spite of herself. It
-became limp and uninterested when she was assured that Aubrey was not in
-question; and then, at her brother’s name, was snatched suddenly away.
-
-“My brother?” she cried, “Charlie!” Then, subduing herself, “What do you
-know about him? Oh,” clasping her hands as new light seemed to break
-upon her, “you have come to tell me some bad news?”
-
-“I hope not. My son found him some time ago, disheartened and unhappy
-about leaving Oxford. He persuaded him to come and share his rooms. He
-has been with him more or less all the time, which I hope may be a
-comfort to you. And then he fell ill. My dear Aubrey has tried to see
-your father, but in vain, and poor Charlie is not anxious, I fear, to
-see his father. Yes, he has been ill, but not so seriously that we need
-fear anything serious. He has shaken off the complaint, but he wants
-rousing--he wants someone whom he loves. Aubrey sent for me a fortnight
-ago. He has been well taken care of, there is nothing really wrong. But
-we cannot persuade him to rouse himself. It is illness that is at the
-bottom of it all. He would not have left you without news of him, he
-would not shrink from his father if he were not ill. Bee, I will confess
-to you that it is Aubrey who has sent me; but don’t be afraid, it is for
-Charlie’s sake--only for Charlie’s sake. He thinks if you would but come
-to him--if you would have the courage to come--to your brother, Bee.”
-
-“He--he thinks? Not Charlie--you don’t mean Charlie?” Bee cried.
-
-“Charlie does not seem to wish for anything. We cannot rouse him. We
-think that the sight of someone he loves----”
-
-Bee was full of agitation. Her lips quivered; her hands trembled. “Oh,
-me!” she said; “I am no one. It is not for his sister a boy cares. I do
-not think I should do him any good. Oh, Charlie, Charlie! all this time
-that we have been blaming him so, thinking him so cruel, he has been
-lying ill! If I could do him any good!” she cried, wringing her hands.
-
-“The sight of you would do him good. It is not that he wants a nurse--I
-have seen to that; but no nurse could rouse him as the sight of some of
-his own people would. Do not question, my dear, but come--oh, come! He
-thinks he is cut off from everybody, that his father will never see him,
-that you must all have turned against him. Words will not convince him,
-but to see you, that would do so. He would feel that he was not
-forsaken.”
-
-“Oh, forsaken! How could he think it? He must know that we have been
-breaking our hearts. It was he who forsook us all.”
-
-Bee had risen again, and stood leaning upon the mantelpiece, too much
-shaken and agitated to keep still. Though she had thought herself so
-independent, she had in reality never broken the strained band of
-domestic subjugation. She had never so much as gone, though it was
-little more than an hour’s journey, to London on her own authority. The
-thought of taking such a step startled her. And that she should do this
-on the word and in the company of Aubrey’s mother--Aubrey, for whom she
-had once been ready to abandon everything, from whom she had been
-violently separated, whom she had cast off, flung away from her without
-hearing a word he had to say! How could she put herself in his way
-again--go with his mother, accept his services? Bee had acted quickly on
-the impulse of passion in all that had happened to her before. But she
-had not known the conflict, the rending asunder of opposite emotions. In
-the whirl of her thoughts her lover, whom she had cast off, came between
-her and the brother whom he had succoured. It was to Aubrey’s house, to
-his very dwelling where he was, that she must go if she went to
-Charlie. And Charlie wanted her, or at least needed her, lying weak and
-despairing, waiting for a sign from home. It was difficult to realise
-her brother so, or to believe, indeed, that he could want her very much,
-that there was any yearning in his heart towards his own flesh and
-blood. But Mrs. Leigh thought so, and how could she refuse? How could
-she refuse? The problem was too much for her. She looked into Mrs.
-Leigh’s face with an appeal for help.
-
-“My dear,” her companion said, leaving a calm and cool hand upon Bee’s
-arm, which trembled with nervous excitement, “If you are afraid of
-meeting Aubrey, compose yourself. Aubrey would rather go to the end of
-the world than give you any pain, or put himself in your way. We are
-laying no trap for you--I should not have come if the case had not been
-urgent. Never would I have come had it been a question of my son; I
-would not beguile you even for his sake. It is for your brother, Bee;
-not for Aubrey, not for Aubrey!”
-
-Not for Aubrey! Was that any comfort, was there any strength in that
-assurance? At all events, these were the words that rang through Bee’s
-head, as she made her hurried preparations. She had almost repeated them
-aloud in the hasty explanations she made to Moss upstairs, who was now
-at the head of the nursery, and to the housekeeper below. To neither of
-these functionaries did it seem of any solemn importance that Bee should
-go away for a day or two. There was no objection on their part to being
-left at the head of affairs. And then Bee felt herself carried along by
-the whirl of strange excitement and feeling which rather than the less
-etherial methods of an express train seemed to sweep her through the air
-of the darkening spring night by Mrs. Leigh’s side. A few hours before
-she had felt herself the most helpless of dependent creatures, abandoned
-by all, incapable of doing anything. And now, what was she doing?
-Rushing into the heart of the conflict, assuming an individual part in
-it, acting on her own responsibility. She could scarcely believe it was
-herself who sat there by Mrs. Leigh’s side.
-
-But not for Aubrey, not for Aubrey! This kept ringing in her ears, like
-the tolling of a bell, through all the other sounds. She sat in one
-corner of the carriage, and listened to Mrs. Leigh’s explanations, and
-to the clang of the engine and rush of the train, all mingled together
-in bewildering confusion. But the other voice filled all space, echoing
-through everything. Bee felt herself trembling on the edge of a crisis,
-such as her life had never known. All the world seemed to be set against
-her, her enemy, perhaps her father, and all the habitual authorities of
-her young and subject life, now suddenly rising into rebellion. She
-would have to do and say things which she would not have ventured so
-much as to think of a little time ago; but whatever she might have to
-encounter there was to be no renewal to Bee of her own story and
-meaning. It was not for Aubrey that she was called or wanted--for the
-succour of others, for sisterly help, for charity and kindness; but not
-for her own love or life.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XLIII.
-
-
-IT was to a house in one of the streets of Mayfair that Mrs. Leigh
-conveyed her young companion; one of those small expensive places where
-persons within the circle of what is called the world in London contrive
-to live with as little comfort and the greatest expenditure possible. It
-is dark and often dingy in Mayfair; nowhere is it more difficult to keep
-furniture, or even human apparel, clean; the rooms are small and the
-streets shabby; but it is one of the right places in which to live, not
-so perfect as it was once, indeed, but still furnishing an unimpeachable
-address.
-
-It had half put on the aspect of the season by this time; some of the
-balconies were full of flowers, and the air of resuscitation which
-comes to certain quarters of London after Easter, as if, indeed, they
-too had risen from the dead, was vaguely visible. To be sure, little of
-this was apparent in the dim lamplight when the two ladies arrived at
-the door. Bee was hurried upstairs through the narrow passage, though
-she had been very keenly aware that someone in the lower room had
-momentarily lifted the blind to look out as they arrived--someone who
-did not appear, who made no sound, who had nothing to do with her or her
-life.
-
-The rooms, which are usually the drawing-rooms of such a house, were
-turned evidently into the apartments of the sufferer. In the back room
-which they entered first was a nurse who greeted the ladies in dumb
-show, and whose white head-dress and apron had the strangest effect in
-the semi-darkness. She said, half by gesture, half with whispered words
-more visible than audible, “He is up--better--impatient--good
-sign--discontented with everything. Is this the lady?”
-
-Mrs. Leigh answered in the same way, “His sister--shall I go with
-her?--you?--alone?”
-
-“By herself,” said the nurse, laconic; and almost inaudible as this
-conversation was, it occasioned a stirring and movement in the inner
-room.
-
-“What a noise you make,” cried a querulous, unsteady voice, “Who’s
-there--who’s there?”
-
-The nurse took Bee’s hat from her head, with a noiseless swift movement,
-and relieved her of the little cloak she was wearing. She took her by
-the arm and pushed her softly forward. “Nothing to worry. Soothe him,”
-she breathed, holding up a curtain that Bee might pass. The room was but
-badly lighted, a single lamp on a table almost extinguished by the
-shade, a fire burning though the night was warm, and one of the long
-windows open, letting in the atmosphere and sounds of the London street.
-Bee stole in, an uncertain shadow into the shaded room, less eager than
-frightened and over-awed by this sudden entrance into the presence of
-sickness and misery. She was not accustomed to associate such things
-with her brother. It did not seem anyone with whom she was acquainted
-that she was about to see.
-
-“Oh, Charlie!” the little cry and movement she made, falling down on her
-knees beside him, raised a pale, unhappy face, half covered with the
-down of an irregular fledgling beard from the pillow.
-
-“Hallo!” he said, and then in a tone of disappointment and disdain,
-“You!”
-
-“Oh, Charlie, Charlie dear! You have been ill and we never knew.”
-
-“How do you know now? They knew I never wanted you to know,” he said.
-
-“Oh, Charlie--who ought to know but your own people? We have been
-wretched, thinking all sorts of dreadful things--but not this.”
-
-“Naturally,” he said, “my own people might be trusted never to think the
-right thing. Now you do know you may as well take yourself off. I don’t
-want you--or anybody,” he added, with an impatient sigh.
-
-“Charlie--oh, please let me stay with you. Who should be with you but
-your sister? And I know--a great deal about nursing. Mamma----”
-
-“I say--hold your tongue, can’t you? Who wants you to talk--of anything
-of that sort?”
-
-Bee heard a slight stir in the curtains, and looking back hastily as she
-dried her streaming eyes saw the laconic nurse making signs to her. The
-sight of the stranger was more effectual even than her signs, and
-restored Bee’s self-command at once.
-
-“Why did they bring you here?” said Charlie. “I didn’t want you; they
-know what I want, well enough.”
-
-“What is it you want, oh, Charlie dear? Papa--and all of us--will do
-anything in the world you want.”
-
-“Papa,” he said, and his weakened and irregular voice ran through the
-gamut from a high feeble tone of irritation to the quaver of that
-self-pity which is so strong in all youthful trouble. “Yes, he would be
-pleased to get me out of the way, and be done with me now.”
-
-“Oh, Charlie! You know how wrong that is. Papa has been--miserable--”
-
-Charlie uttered a feeble laugh. He put his hand upon his chin, stroking
-down the irregular tufts of hair; even in his low state the poor boy had
-a certain pride in what he believed to be his beard.
-
-“Not much,” he said. “I daresay you’ve made a fuss--Betty and you. The
-governor will crack up Arthur for the F. O. and let me drop like a
-stone.”
-
-“No, Charlie, no. He has no such thought--he has taken such trouble not
-to let it be known. He would not advertise or anything.”
-
-“Advertise!” A sudden hot flush came over the gaunt face. “For me!” It
-did not seem that such a thought had ever occurred to the young man.
-“Like the fellows in the newspapers that steal their master’s
-money--‘All is arranged and you can return to your situation.’ By
-George!”
-
-There was again a faint rustle in the curtains. Bee sprang up with her
-natural impatience, and went straight to the spot whence this sound had
-come.
-
-“If I am not to speak to my brother alone and in freedom, I will not
-speak to him at all,” she said.
-
-The laconic nurse remonstrated violently with her lips and eyes.
-
-“Don’t excite him. Don’t disturb him. He’ll not sleep all night,” she
-managed to convey, with much arching of the eyebrows and mouth, then
-disappeared silently out of the bedroom behind.
-
-“What’s that?” said Charlie, sharply. He moved on his sofa, and turned
-his head round with difficulty. “Are there more of you to come?”
-
-There seemed a kind of hope and expectation in the question, but when
-Bee answered with despondency, “There’s only me, Charlie,” he broke out
-harshly:
-
-“I don’t want you--I want none of you; I told them so. You can go and
-tell my father, as soon as they let me get out I’m going off to New
-Zealand or somewhere--the furthest-off place I can get to.”
-
-“Oh, Charlie!” cried Bee, taking every word as the sincerest utterance
-of a fixed intention, “what could you do there?”
-
-“Die, I suppose,” he said, with again that quaver of self-compassion in
-his voice, “or go to the dogs, which will be easy enough. You may say,
-why didn’t I die here and be done with it? I don’t know--I’m sure I
-wanted to. It was that doctor fellow, and that woman that talks with her
-eyebrows, and that confounded cad, Leigh--they wouldn’t let me. And
-I’ve got so weak; if you don’t go away this moment I’ll cry like a
-dashed baby!” with a more piteous quaver than ever in the remnant of his
-once manly voice.
-
-All that Bee could do was to throw her arms round his neck and draw his
-head upon her shoulder, which he resisted fiercely for a moment, then
-yielded to in the abandonment of his weakness. Poor Charlie felt,
-perhaps, a momentary sweetness in the relaxation of all the bonds of
-self-control, and all the well-meaning attempts to keep him from
-injuring himself by emotion; the unexpected outburst did him good,
-partly because it was a breach of all the discipline of the sick room.
-Presently he came to himself and pushed Bee away.
-
-“What do you come bothering about?” he said; “you ought to have left me
-alone. I’ve made my bed, and I’ve got to lie on it. I don’t suppose that
-anyone has taken the trouble to--ask about me?” he added, after a little
-while, in what was intended for a careless tone.
-
-“Oh, Charlie, everyone who has known; but papa would let nobody know:
-except at Oxford. We--went to Oxford----”
-
-He got up on his pillow with his eyes shining out of their hollow
-sockets, his long limbs coming to the ground with a faint thump. Poor
-Charlie was young enough to have grown during his illness, and those
-gaunt limbs seemed unreasonably long.
-
-“You went to Oxford!” he said, “and you saw--”
-
-“Dear Charlie, they will say I am exciting you--doing you harm----”
-
-“You saw?” he cried, bringing down his fist upon the table with a blow
-that made the very floor shake.
-
-“Yes,” said Bee, trembling, “we saw--or rather papa saw----”
-
-He pushed up the shade of the lamp with his long bony fingers, and fixed
-his eyes, bright with fever, on her face.
-
-“Oh, Charlie, don’t look at me so!--the lady whom you used to talk to me
-about--whom I saw in the academy----”
-
-“Yes?”--he grasped her hand across the table with a momentary hot
-pressure.
-
-“She came and saw papa in the hotel. She told him about you, and that
-you had--oh, Charlie, and she so old--as old as----”
-
-“Hold your tongue!” he cried, violently, and then with a long-drawn
-breath, “What more? She told him--and he was rude, I suppose. Confound
-him! Confound--confound them all!”
-
-“I will not say another word unless you are quiet,” said Bee, her spirit
-rising; “put up your feet on the sofa and be quiet, and remember all the
-risk you are running--or I will not say another word.”
-
-He obeyed her with murmurs of complaint, but no longer with the languid
-gloom of his first accost. Hope seemed to have come into his heart. He
-subdued himself, lay back among his pillows, obeyed her in all she
-stipulated. The light from underneath the raised shade played on his
-face and gave it a tinge of colour, though it showed more clearly the
-emaciation of the outlines and the aspect of neglect, rather than, as
-poor Charlie hoped, of enhanced manly dignity, conveyed by the irregular
-sick man’s growth of the infant beard.
-
-“Papa was not rude,” said Bee, “he is never rude; he is a gentleman.
-Worse than that--”
-
-“Worse--than what?”
-
-“Oh, I cannot understand you at all, you and--the rest,” cried the girl;
-“one after another you give in to her, you admire her, you do what she
-tells you--that woman who has harmed me all she can, and you all she
-can, and now--Charlie!” Bee stopped with astonishment and indignation.
-Her brother had raised himself up again, and aimed a furious but futile
-blow at her in the air. It did not touch her, but the indignity was no
-less on that account.
-
-“Well,” he cried, again bringing down that hand which could not reach
-her, on the table, “How dare you speak of one you’re not worthy to name?
-Ah! I might have known she wouldn’t desert me. It is she who has kept
-the way open, and subdued my father, and----” An ineffable look of
-happiness came upon the worn and gaunt countenance, his eyes softened,
-his voice fell. “I might have known!” he said to himself, “I might have
-known!”
-
-And what could Bee say? Though she did not believe in--though she hated
-and feared with a child’s intensity of terror the woman who had so often
-crossed her path--she could not contradict her brother’s faith, though
-she considered it an infatuation, a folly beyond belief; it seemed,
-after all, in a manner true that this woman had not deserted him. She
-had subdued his father’s displeasure somehow, made everything easier.
-Bee looked at him, the victim of those wiles, yet nevertheless indebted
-to them, with the same exasperation which her father’s subjugation had
-caused her. What could she say, what could she do, to reveal to them
-that enchantress in her true colours? But Bee knew that she could do
-nothing, and there began to rise in her heart a dreadful question, Was
-it so sure that she herself was right? Was this woman, indeed, an evil
-Fate, or was she, was she----? And the first story of all, the story of
-Aubrey, was it perhaps true?
-
-The nurse came in noiselessly, hurrying, while Bee’s mind ran through
-those thoughts--evidently with the conviction that she would find the
-patient worse. But Charlie was not worse. He turned his face towards
-his attendant, still with something of that dreamy rapture in it.
-
-“Oh, you may speak out,” he said; “I don’t mind noises to-night. Supper?
-Yes, I’ll take some supper. Bring me a beefsteak or something
-substantial. I’m going to get well at once.”
-
-Nurse nodded at Bee, with much uplifting of her eyelids. “Put no faith
-in you,” she said, working the machinery of her lips; “was wrong; done
-him no end of good. Beefsteak; not exactly; but soon, soon, if you’re
-good.”
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XLIV.
-
-
-BEE saw no more of Charlie that night. When she came out of his room,
-where there was a certain meaning in her presence, she seemed to pass
-into the region of dreams. She was taken upstairs to refresh herself and
-rest, into the smaller of two bedrooms which were over Charlie’s room,
-the other of which was occupied by Mrs. Leigh. And she was taken
-downstairs to dine with that lady _tête-à-tête_ at the small shining
-table. There was something about the little house altogether, a certain
-conciseness, an absence of drapery, and of the small elegant litter
-which is so general nowadays, which gave it a masculine character--or,
-at least, Bee, not accustomed to æsthetic young men, accustomed rather
-to big boys and their scorn of the decorative arts, thought so with a
-curious flutter of her being. This perhaps was partly because the
-ornamental part of the house was devoted to Charlie, and the little
-dining-room below seemed the sole room to live in. It had one or two
-portraits hung on the walls, pictures almost too much for its small
-dimensions. The still smaller room behind was clothed with books, and
-had for its only ornament a small portrait of Mrs. Leigh over the
-mantel-piece. Whose rooms were these? Who had furnished them so gravely,
-and left behind an impression of serious character which almost chilled
-the heart of Bee? He was nowhere visible, nor any trace of him. No
-allusion was made as to an absent master of the house, and yet it bore
-an air so individual that Bee’s sensitive being was moved by it, with
-all the might of something stranger than imagination. She stood
-trembling among the books, looking at the mother’s portrait over the
-mantel-piece, feeling as if the very mantel-shelf on which she rested
-her arm was warm with the touch of his. But not a word was said, not an
-allusion made to Aubrey.
-
-What had she to do with Aubrey? Nothing--less than with any other man in
-the world--any stranger to whom she could speak with freedom,
-interchanging the common coin of ordinary intercourse. He was the only
-man in the world whom she must not talk of, must not see--the only one
-of whose presence it was necessary to obliterate every sign, and never
-to utter the name where she was. Poor Bee! Yet she felt him near, his
-presence suggested by everything, his name always latent in the air. She
-slept and waked in that strange atmosphere as in a dream. In Aubrey’s
-house, yet with Aubrey obliterated--the one person in existence with
-whom she had nothing, nothing to do.
-
-It was late before she was allowed to see her brother next day, and Bee,
-in the meantime, left to her own devices, had not known what to do. She
-had taken pen and paper two or three times to let her father know that
-Charlie was found, but her mind revolted, somehow, from making that
-intimation. What would happen when he knew? He would come here
-immediately; he would probably attempt to remove Charlie; he would
-certainly order Bee away at once from a place so unsuitable for her. It
-was unsuitable for her, and yet--She scarcely saw even Mrs. Leigh after
-breakfast, but was left to herself, with the door open into that
-sanctuary which was Aubrey’s, with all his books and the newspapers laid
-out upon the table. Bee sat in the dining-room and looked into that
-other secluded place. In the light of day she dared not go into it. It
-seemed like thrusting herself into his presence who had no thought of
-her, who did not want her. Oh, not for Aubrey! Aubrey would not for the
-world disturb her, or bring any embarrassment into her mind. Aubrey
-would rather disappear from his own house, as if he had never existed,
-than remind her that he did exist, and perhaps sometimes thought of her
-still. Did he ever think of her? Bee knew that it would be wrong and
-unlike Aubrey if he kept in these rooms the poor little photograph of
-her almost childish face which he had once prized so much. It would have
-been indelicate, unlike a gentleman; and yet she made a hasty and
-furtive search everywhere to see if, perhaps, it might be somewhere, in
-some book or little frame. She would have been angry had she found it,
-and indignant; yet she felt a certain desolate sense of being altogether
-out of the question, steal into her heart, when she did not find it--in
-the inconsistencies of which the heart is full.
-
-It was mid-day when she was called upstairs, to find Charlie established
-in the room which should have been the drawing-room, and round which she
-threw another wistful look as she came into it in full daylight. Oh, not
-a woman’s room in any way, with none of those little photograph frames
-about which strew a woman’s table--not one, and consequently none of
-Bee. She took this in at the first glance, as she made the three or four
-little steps between the door and Charlie’s couch. He was more
-hollow-eyed and worn in the daylight than he had been even on the night
-before, his appearance entirely changed from that of the commonplace
-young Oxford man to an eager, anxious being, with all the cares of a
-troubled soul concentrated in his eyes. Mrs. Leigh sat near him, and
-the nurse was busy with cushions and pillows arranging his couch.
-
-“My dear, you will be thankful to hear that the doctor gives a very good
-report to-day. He says that, though he would not have sanctioned it, my
-remedy has done wonders. You are my remedy, Bee. I am proud of so
-successful an idea--though, to be sure, it was a very simple one. Now
-you must go on and complete the cure, and I give you _carte blanche_.
-Ask anyone here, anyone you please, so long as it is not too much for
-Charlie. He may see one or two people if nurse sanctions it. I am going
-out myself for the day. I shall not return till late in the afternoon,
-and you are mistress in the meantime--absolute mistress,” said Mrs.
-Leigh, kissing her. Bee felt that Aubrey’s mother would not even meet
-her eyes lest she should throw too much meaning into these words. Oh,
-there was no meaning in them, except so far as Charlie was concerned.
-
-And then she was left alone with her brother, the most natural, the only
-suitable arrangement. Nurse gave the last pat to his cushions, the last
-twist to the coverlet, which was over his gaunt limbs, appealed to him
-the last time in dumb show whether he wanted anything, and then
-withdrew. It was most natural that his sister, whose appearance had done
-him so much good, should be left with him as his nurse; but she was
-frightened, and Charlie self-absorbed, and it was some time before
-either found a word to say. At last he said, “Bee!” calling her
-attention, and then was silent again for some time, speaking no more.
-
-“Yes, Charlie!” There was a flutter in Bee’s voice as in her heart.
-
-“I say, I wasn’t, perhaps, very nice to you last night; I couldn’t bear
-to be brought back; but they say I’m twice as well since you came. So I
-am. I’ve got something to keep me up. Bee, look here. Am I dreadful to
-look at? I know I haven’t an ounce of flesh left on my bones, but some
-don’t mind that; and then, my beard. I’ve heard it said that a beard
-that never was shaved was--was--an embellishment, don’t you know. Do you
-think I’m dreadful to look at, Bee?”
-
-“Oh, Charlie,” said the girl, from the depths of her heart, “what does
-it matter how you look? The more ill you look the more need you have for
-your own people about you, who never would think twice of that.”
-
-Charlie’s gaunt countenance was distorted with a grin of rage and
-annoyance. “I wish you’d shut up about my own people. The governor,
-perhaps, with his grand air, or Betty, as sharp as a needle--as if I
-wanted them!--or to be told that they would put up with me.”
-
-“Charlie,” said Bee, trembling, “I don’t want to vex you, you are a
-little--but couldn’t you have a barber to come, and perhaps he could
-take it off.”
-
-There came a flash of fire out of Charlie’s eyes; he put up his hand to
-his face, as if to protect that beard in which he at least believed--“I
-might have known,” he said, “that you were the last person! A fellow’s
-sister is always like that: just as we never think anything of a girl’s
-looks in our own families. Well, you’ve given your opinion on that
-subject. And you think that people who care for me wouldn’t think twice
-of that?”
-
-“Oh, no,” said Bee, clasping her hands, “how should they? But only feel
-for you far, far more.”
-
-Charlie took down his hand from his young beard. He looked at her with
-his hollow eyes full of anxiety, yet with a certain complacence.
-“Interesting?”--he said, “is that what you meant to say?”
-
-“Oh, yes,” cried Bee, her eyes full of pity, “for they can see what you
-have gone through, and how much you have been suffering,--if there was
-any need of making you more interesting to us.”
-
-Charlie stroked down his little tufts of wool for some time without
-speaking, and then he said in a caressing tone unusual to him, “I want
-you to do me a favour, Bee.”
-
-“Anything--anything, whatever you wish, Charlie.”
-
-“There is just one thing I wish, and one person I want to see. Sit down
-and write a note--you need not do more than say where I am,” said
-Charlie, speaking quickly. “Say I am here, and have been very ill, but
-that the hope she’d come, and to hear that she had forgiven me, was like
-new life. Well! what is the meaning of your ‘anything, anything,’ if
-you break down at the first thing I ask you? Look here, Bee, if you wish
-me to live and get well you’ll do what I say.”
-
-“Oh, Charlie, how can I?--how can I?--when you know what I
-feel--about----”
-
-“What you feel--about? Who cares what you feel? You think perhaps it was
-you that did me all that good last night. That’s all conceit, like the
-nonsense in novels, where a woman near your bed when you’re ill makes
-all the difference. Girls,” said Charlie, “are puffed up with that folly
-and believe anything. You know I didn’t want you. It was what you told
-me about _her_ that did me good. And your humbug, sitting there crying,
-‘anything, anything!’ Well, here’s something! You need not write a
-regular letter, if you don’t like it. Put where I am--Charlie Kingsward
-very ill; will you come and see him? A telegram would do, and it would
-be quicker; send a telegram,” he cried.
-
-“Oh, Charlie!”
-
-“Give me the paper and pencil--I’m shaky, but I can do that much
-myself----”
-
-“Charlie, I’ll do it rather than vex you; but I don’t know where to send
-it.”
-
-“Oh, I can tell you that--Avondale, near the Parks, Oxford.”
-
-“She is not there now--she is in London,” said Bee, in a low tone.
-
-“In London?” Again the long, gaunt limbs came to the ground with a
-thump. “Bee, if you could get me a hansom perhaps I could go.”
-
-The nurse at this moment came in noiselessly, and Charlie shrank before
-her. She put him back on the sofa with a swift movement. “If you go on
-like this I’ll take the young lady away,” she said.
-
-“I’ll not go on--I’ll be as meek as Moses; but, nurse, tell her she
-mustn’t contradict a man in my state. She must do what I say.”
-
-Nurse turned her back upon the patient, and made the usual grimaces;
-“Humour him,” her lips and eyebrows said.
-
-“Charlie, papa knows the address, and Betty--and I ought, oh, I ought to
-let them know at once that you are here.”
-
-“Betty!” he said, with a grimace, “what does that little thing know?”
-
-“She knows--better than you think I do; and papa---- Papa is never happy
-but when he is with that lady. He goes to see her every day; she writes
-to him and he writes to her; they go out together,” cried Bee, thinking
-of that invitation to Portman Square which had seemed the last insult
-which she could be called on to bear.
-
-Charlie smiled--the same smile of ineffable self-complacence and
-confidence which had replaced in a moment the gloom of the previous
-night; and then he grew grave. He was not such a fool, he said to
-himself, as to be jealous of his own father; but still he grudged that
-anyone but himself should have her company. He remembered what it was to
-go to see her every day, to write to her, to have her letters, to be
-privileged to give her his arm now and then, to escort her here or
-there. If it had been another fellow! But a man’s father--the governor!
-He was not a rival. Charlie imagined to himself the conversations with
-him for their subject, and how, perhaps for the first time, the governor
-would learn to do him justice, seeing him through Laura’s eyes. It was
-true that she had rejected him, had almost laughed at him, had sent him
-away so completely broken down and miserable that he had not cared what
-became of him. But hope had sprung within him, all the more wildly from
-that downfall. It was like her to go to the old gentleman (it was thus
-he considered his father) to explain everything, to set him right. She
-would not have done so if her heart had not relented--her heart was so
-kind. She must have felt what it was to drive a man to despair--and now
-she was working for him, soothing down the governor, bringing everything
-back.
-
-“Eh?” he said, vaguely, some time after; he had in the meantime heard
-Bee’s voice going on vaguely addressing somebody, in the air, “are you
-speaking to me?”
-
-“There is no one else to speak to,” cried Bee, almost angrily. And then
-she said, “Charlie--how can you ask her to come here?”
-
-“Why not here? She’ll go anywhere to do a kind thing.”
-
-“But not to this house--not here, not here!”
-
-“Why not, I should like to know--what’s here?” Then Charlie stared at
-her for a moment with his hollow eyes, and broke into a low, feeble
-laugh.
-
-“Oh,” he said, “I know what you’ve got in your head--because of that
-confounded cad, Aubrey Leigh? That is just why she will come, to show
-what a lie all that was--as if she ever would have looked twice at a
-fellow like Leigh.”
-
-“He seems to have saved your life,” said Bee, confused, not knowing what
-to think.
-
-“You mean he gave me house-room when I was ill, and sent for a doctor.
-Why, any shop-keeper would have done that. And now,” said Charlie, with
-a grin, “he shall be fully paid back.”
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XLV.
-
-
-BETTY KINGSWARD lived in what was to her a whirl of pleasure at Portman
-Square, where everybody was fond of her, and all manner of
-entertainments were devised for her pleasure. And her correspondence was
-not usually of an exciting character. Her morning letters, when she had
-any, were placed by her plate on the breakfast-table. If any came by
-other posts, she got them when she had a spare moment to look for them,
-and she had scarcely a spare moment at this very lively and very happy
-moment of her young career. Besides, that particular evening when Bee’s
-note arrived was a very important one to Betty. It was the evening on
-which Miss Lance was to dine with the Lyons. And it was not a mere
-quiet family dinner, but a party--a thing which in her newness and
-inexperience still excited the little girl, who was not to say properly
-“out,” in consequence of her mourning; still wearing black ribbons with
-her white frocks, and only allowed to accept invitations which were
-“quiet.” A dinner of twenty people is not exactly an entertainment for a
-girl of her years, but Betty’s excitement in the _debût_ of Miss Lance
-was so great that no ball could have occupied her more. There was an
-unusual interest about it in the whole house, even Mrs. Lyon’s maid, the
-most staid of confidential persons, had begged Betty to point out to her
-over the baluster “the lady, Miss Betty, that is coming with your papa.”
-
-“Oh, she’s not coming with papa,” Betty had cried, with a laugh at
-Hobbs’ mistake, “she is only a great, great friend, Hobbs. You will
-easily know her, for there is nobody else so handsome.”
-
-“Handsome is as handsome does,” said the woman, and she patted Betty on
-the shoulder under pretence of arranging her ribbon.
-
-Betty had not the least idea why Hobbs looked at her with such
-compassionate eyes.
-
-Miss Lance, however, did come into the room, to Betty’s surprise,
-closely followed by Colonel Kingsward, as if they had arrived together.
-She was like a picture, in her black satin and lace, dressed not too
-young but rather too old for her age, as Mrs. Lyon pointed out, who was
-as much excited about her new guest as Betty herself; and the unknown
-lady had the greatest possible success in a party which consisted
-chiefly, as Betty did not remark, of old friends of Colonel Kingsward,
-with whom she had been acquainted all her life. Betty did not remark it,
-but Gerald Lyon did, who was more than ever her comrade and companion in
-this elderly company.
-
-“Why all these old fogies?” he had asked irreverently, as the gentlemen
-with stars on their coats and the ladies in diamonds came in.
-
-Betty perceived that it was an unusually solemn party, but thought no
-more of it. It was the evening of the first levee, and that, perhaps,
-was the reason why the old gentlemen wore their orders. Old gentlemen!
-They were the flower of the British army. Generals This and That, heads
-of departments; impossible to imagine more grand people--in the flower
-of their age, like Colonel Kingsward. But eighteen has its own ideas
-very clearly marked on that subject. Betty and Gerald stood by, lighting
-up one corner with a blaze of undeniable youth, to see them come in. The
-young pair were like flowers in comparison with the substantial size and
-well worn complexions of their seniors, and they were the only little
-nobodies, the sole representatives of undistinguished and ordinary
-humanity round the table. They were not by any means daunted by that. On
-the contrary, they felt themselves, as it were, soaring over the heads
-of all those limited persons who had attained, spurning the level
-heights of realisation. They did not in the least know what was to
-become of them in life, but naturally they made light of the others who
-did know, who had done all they were likely to do, and had no more to
-look to. The dignity of accomplished success filled the young ones with
-impulses of laughter; their inferiority gave them an elevation over all
-the grizzled heads; they felt themselves, nobodies, to be almost
-ludicrously, dizzily above the heads of the rest. Only one of the
-company seemed to see this, however; to cast them an occasional look,
-even to make them the confidants of an occasional smile, a raising of
-the eyebrows, a sort of unspoken comment on the fine company, which made
-Betty still more lively in her criticisms. But this made almost a
-quarrel between the two.
-
-“Oh, I wish we were nearer to Miss Lance, to hear what she thinks of it
-all,” Betty said.
-
-“I can’t think what you see in that woman,” cried Gerald. “I, for one,
-have no desire to know her opinion.”
-
-Betty turned her little shoulder upon him with a glance of flame, that
-almost set the young man on fire.
-
-“You prejudiced, cynical, uncharitable, malicious, odious boy!” And they
-did not say another word to each other for five minutes by the clock.
-
-Miss Lance, however, there was no doubt, had a distinguished success.
-She captivated the gentlemen who were next to her at table, and, what
-was perhaps more difficult, she made a favourable impression upon the
-ladies in the drawing-room. Her aspect there, indeed, was of the most
-attractive kind. She drew Betty’s arm within her own, and said with a
-laugh, “You and I are the girls, little Betty, among all these grand
-married ladies;” and then she added, “Isn’t it a little absurd that we
-shouldn’t have some title to ourselves, we old maids?--for Miss means
-eighteen, and it’s hard that it should mean forty-two. Fancy the
-disappointment of hearing this juvenile title and then finding that it
-means a middle-aged woman.”
-
-She laughed so freely that some of the other ladies laughed too. The
-attention of all was directed towards the new comer, which Betty thought
-very natural, she was so much the handsomest of them all.
-
-“You mean the disappointment of a gentleman?” said one of the guests.
-
-“Oh, no, of ladies too. Don’t you think women are just as fond of youth
-as men are, and as much disgusted with an elderly face veiling itself
-in false pretences? Oh, more! We think more of beauty than the men do,”
-said Miss Lance, raising her fine head as if to expose its features to
-the fire of all the glances bent upon her.
-
-There was a little chorus of cries, “Oh, no, no,” and arguments against
-so novel a view.
-
-But Miss Lance did not quail; her own beauty was done full justice to.
-She was so placed that more than one mirror in the old-fashioned room
-reflected her graceful and not unstudied pose.
-
-“I know it isn’t a usual view,” she said, “but if you’ll think of it a
-little you’ll find it’s true. The common thing is to talk about women
-being jealous of each other. If we are it is because we are always the
-first to find out a beautiful face--and usually we much exaggerate its
-power.”
-
-“Do you know,” said Mrs. Lyon in her quavering voice, “I almost think
-Miss Lance is right? Mr. Lyon instantly says ‘Humph!’ when I point out a
-pretty person to him. And Gerald tells me, ‘You think every girl pretty,
-aunt.’”
-
-“That is because there is one little girl that he thinks the most pretty
-of all,” said Miss Lance, with a sort of soft maternal coo in Betty’s
-ear.
-
-The subject was taken up and tossed about from one to another, while she
-who had originated it drew back a little, listening with an air of much
-attention, turning her head to each speaker, an attitude which was most
-effective. It will probably be thought the greatest waste of effort for
-a woman thus to exhibit what the newspapers call her personal advantages
-to a group of her own sex; but Miss Lance was a very clever woman, and
-she knew what she was about. After a time, when the first fervour of the
-argument was over, she returned to her first theme as to the appropriate
-title that ought to be invented for old maids.
-
-“I have thought of it a great deal,” she said. “I should have called
-myself Mrs. Laura Lance, to discriminate--but for the American custom of
-calling all married ladies so, which is absurd.”
-
-“I have a friend in New York who writes to me as Mrs. Mary Lyon,” said
-the mistress of the house.
-
-“Yes, which is ridiculous, you know; for you are not Mrs. Mary Lyon,
-dear lady. You are Mrs. Francis Lyon, if it is necessary to have a
-Christian name, for Lyon is your husband’s name, not yours. You are Mrs.
-Mary Howard by rights--if in such a matter there are any rights.”
-
-“What!” cried old Mr. Lyon, coming in after the long array of gentlemen,
-“are you going to divorce my wife from me, or give her another name, or
-what are you going to do? We thought it was we only who could change the
-ladies’ names, Kingsward, eh?”
-
-Colonel Kingsward had placed himself immediately in front of Miss Lance,
-and Betty, looking on all unsuspicious, saw a glance pass between
-them--or rather, she saw Miss Lance look up into her father’s face.
-Betty did not know in the least what that look meant, but it gave her a
-little shock as if she had touched an electric battery. It meant
-something more than to Betty’s consciousness had ever been put into
-words. She turned her eyes away for a moment to escape the curious
-thrill that ran through her, and in that moment met Gerald Lyon’s eyes,
-full of something malicious, mocking, disagreeable, which made Betty
-very angry. But she could not explain to herself what all these looks
-meant.
-
-This curious sensation somehow spoiled the rest of the evening for
-Betty. Everybody it seemed to her after this meant something--something
-more than they said. They looked at her father, they looked at Miss
-Lance, they looked even at Betty’s little self, embracing all three,
-sometimes in one comprehensive glance. And all kinds of significant
-little speeches were made as the company went away. “I am so glad to
-have seen her,” one lady said in an undertone to Mrs. Lyon. “One
-regrets, of course, but one is thankful it is no worse.” “I think,” said
-another, “it will do very well--I think it will do very well; thank you
-for the opportunity.” And “Charming, my dear Mrs. Lyon, charming,” said
-another. They all spoke low and in the most confidential tone. What was
-it they were all so interested about?
-
-The last of the party to go were Miss Lance and Colonel Kingsward. They
-seemed to go away together as they had seemed to come together.
-
-“Your father is so kind as to see me home,” Miss Lance said, by way of
-explanation. “I am not a grand lady with a carriage. I am old enough to
-walk home by myself, and I always do it, but as Colonel Kingsward is so
-kind, of course I like company best.”
-
-She too had a private word with Mrs. Lyon, at the head of the stairs.
-Betty did not want to listen, but she heard by instinct the repeated
-“Thank you, thank you! How can I ever express how much I thank you?”
-Betty was so bewildered that she could not think. She paid no attention
-to her father, who put his hands on her shoulders when he said
-“Good-night,” and said, “Betty, I’ll see you to-morrow.” Oh, of course,
-she should see him to-morrow--or not, as circumstances might ordain.
-What did it matter? She was not anxious to see her father to-morrow, it
-could not be of the least importance whether they met or not; but what
-Betty would really have liked would have been to find out what all these
-little whisperings could mean.
-
-Mrs. Lyon came up to her when the last, to wit, Colonel Kingsward
-following Miss Lance, had disappeared, and put her arms round the little
-girl. “You are looking a little tired,” she said, “just this last hour.
-I did not think they would stay so late. It is all Miss Lance, I
-believe, setting us on to argue with her metaphysics. Well, everybody
-likes her very much, which will please you, my dear, as you are so fond
-of her. And now, Betty, you must run off to bed. There’s hardly time for
-your beauty sleep.”
-
-“Mrs. Lyon,” said Betty, very curious, “was it to meet Miss Lance that
-all those grand people came?”
-
-“I don’t know what you call grand people. They are all great friends of
-ours and also of your father’s, and I think you know them every one. And
-they all know each other.”
-
-“Except Miss Lance,” said Gerald, who was always disagreeable--always,
-when anyone mentioned Miss Lance’s name.
-
-“I know her, certainly, and better than any of them! And there is nobody
-so delightful,” Betty cried, with fervour, partly because she believed
-what she said, and partly to be disagreeable in her turn to him.
-
-“And so they all seemed to think,” said old Mr. Lyon, “though I’m not so
-fond of new people as the rest of you. Lay hands suddenly on no man is
-what I say.”
-
-“And I say the same as my uncle,” said Gerald, “and it’s still more true
-of a woman than a man.”
-
-“You are such an experienced person,” said the old lady; “they know so
-much better than we do, Betty. But never you mind, for your friend has
-made an excellent impression upon all these people--the most
-tremendously respectable people,” Mrs. Lyon said, “none of your artists
-and light-minded persons! Make yourself comfortable with that thought,
-and good night, my little Betty. You must not stay up so late another
-night.”
-
-What nonsense that was of staying up late, when it was not yet twelve
-o’clock! But Betty went off to her room with a little confusion and
-bewilderment of mind, happy on the whole, but feeling as if she had
-something to think about when she should be alone. What was it she had
-to think about? She could not think what it was when she sat down alone
-to study her problem. There was no problem, and what the departing
-guests had said to Mrs. Lyon was quite simple, and referred to something
-that was their own business, that had nothing to do with Betty. How
-could it have anything to do with Betty?
-
-Around the corner of the Park, Bee, too, was sitting alone and thinking
-at the same time, and the two sets of thoughts, neither very clear,
-revolved round the same circle. But neither of the sisters knew,
-concerning this problem, whereabouts the other was.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XLVI.
-
-
-AND yet all this time there lay upon Betty’s table, concealed under the
-pretty laced handkerchiefs which she had pulled out of their sachet to
-choose one for the party, Bee’s little tremulous letter, expressing a
-state of mind more agitated than that of Betty, and full of wonderings
-and trouble. It was found there by the maid who put things in order next
-morning, when she called the young visitor.
-
-“Here’s a letter that came last night, and you have never opened it,”
-said the maid, half reproachfully. She, at least, she was anxious to
-note, had not been to blame.
-
-Betty took it with great _sang froid_. She saw by the writing it was
-only Bee’s--and Bee’s news was never imperative. There could not be
-much to disclose to her of the state of affairs at Kingswarden that was
-new, since the night before last.
-
-But the result was that Betty went downstairs in her hat and gloves, and
-that Mr. Lyon and Gerald, who were both sitting down to that substantial
-breakfast which is the first symbol of good health and a good conscience
-in England, had much ado to detain her long enough to share that meal.
-
-Mrs. Lyon did not come downstairs in the morning, so that they used the
-argument of helplessness, professing themselves unable to pour out their
-own tea.
-
-“And what business can Betty have of such importance that she must run
-out without her breakfast?” said the old gentleman.
-
-“Oh, it is news I have heard which I must take at once to papa!”
-
-The two gentlemen looked at each other, and Mr. Lyon shook his big, old
-head.
-
-“I would not trouble your papa, my dear, with anything you may have
-heard. Depend upon it, he will let you know anything he wishes you to
-know--in his own time.”
-
-“But it is news--news,” said Betty; “news about Charlie!”
-
-Then she remembered that very little had been said even to the Lyons
-about Charlie, and stopped with embarrassment, and her friends could not
-but believe that this was a hasty expedient to conceal from them that
-she had heard something--some flying rumour which had set her little
-impetuous being on fire. When she had escaped from their sympathetic
-looks and Gerald’s magnanimous proposal to accompany her--without so
-much as an egg to fortify him for the labours of the day!--Betty set
-out, crossing the Park in the early glory of the morning, which feels at
-nine o’clock what six o’clock feels in the country, to carry the news to
-her father.
-
-Charlie found, and ill; and demanding to see Miss Lance, his health and
-recovery depending upon whether he should see her or not! Betty’s first
-instinct had been to hasten at once to George Street, Hanover Square,
-but then she remembered that papa presumably was the one who was most
-anxious about Charlie and had the best right to know, and it was perhaps
-better not to explain to the friends in Portman Square why Miss Lance
-should go to Charlie. Indeed, when she had set out, a great many
-questions occurred to Betty, circulating through her lively little mind
-without any possibility of an answer to them. Why should Charlie be so
-anxious to see Miss Lance? Why had he been so long there, ill, and
-nobody come to tell his people of it? And what was Bee doing in Curzon
-Street, in Aubrey Leigh’s house, which was the last house in the world
-where she had any right to be? But she walked so fast, and the sunny air
-with all its movement and lightness so carried her on and filled her
-with pleasant sounds and images, that these thoughts, blowing like the
-wind through her little intelligence, had not much effect on Betty
-now--though there was incipient trouble in them, as even she could see.
-
-Colonel Kingsward was seated at his breakfast when his little girl burst
-in upon him in all the freshness of the morning. Her youth and her
-bloom, and her white frock, notwithstanding its black accoutrements,
-made a great show in the dark-coloured, solemn, official-looking room,
-with its Turkey carpets and morocco chairs. The Colonel was evidently
-startled by the sight of her. He said, “Well?” in that tone of
-self-defence, and almost defiance, with which a man prepares for being
-called upon to give an account of himself; as if anything so absurd
-could be possible as that Betty, little Betty, could call upon her
-father to give an account of himself! But then it is very true that when
-there is something to be accounted for, the strongest feel how
-“conscience doth make cowards of us all.”
-
-“Oh,” she cried, breathless, “Papa--Charlie! Bee has found Charlie, and
-he’s been very ill--typhoid fever; he’s getting better, and he’s in
-London, and she’s with him; and he wants but to see Miss Lance. Oh,
-papa, that’s what I came about chiefly--he wants to see Miss Lance.”
-
-Colonel Kingsward’s face changed many times during this breathless
-deliverance. He said first, “He’s at Mackinnon’s, I know;” then, “In
-London!” with no pleasure at all in his tone; and finally, “Miss Lance!”
-angrily, his face covered with a dark glow.
-
-“What is all this?” he cried, when she stopped for want of breath.
-“Charlie--in town? You must be out of your senses. Why, he is in
-Scotland. I heard from--, eh? Well, I don’t know that I had any letter,
-but--. And ill--and Bee with him? What is the meaning of all this? Are
-you both mad, or in a conspiracy to make yourselves disagreeable to me?”
-
-“Papa!” cried Betty, very ready to take up the challenge; but on the
-whole the news was too important to justify a combat of self-defence.
-She produced Bee’s note out of its envelope, and placed it before him,
-running on with a report of it while the Colonel groped for his eyeglass
-and arranged it upon his nose.
-
-“A lady came and fetched her,” cried Betty, hurriedly, to forestall the
-reading, “and brought her up to town and took her to him--oh, so
-bad--where he had been for weeks; and she told him you had been to
-Oxford, and something about Miss Lance; and he wants to see Miss Lance,
-and calls and calls for her, and won’t be satisfied. Oh, papa!”
-
-Colonel Kingsward had arranged his _pince-nez_ very carefully; he had
-taken up Bee’s note, and went over it word by word while Betty made her
-breathless report. When he came to the first mention of Miss Lance he
-struck his hand upon the table like any other man in a passion, making
-all the cups and plates ring.
-
-“The little fool!” he said, “the little fool! What right had she to
-bring in that name? It was this that called forth Betty’s exclamation,
-but no more was said by either till he read it out to the end. Then he
-flung the letter from him, and getting up, paced about the room in rage
-and dismay.
-
-“A long illness,” said the Colonel, “was perhaps the best thing that
-could have happened to him to sweep all that had passed before out of
-his mind; and here does this infernal little idiot, this little demon
-full of spite and malice, get at the boy at his worst moment and bring
-everything back. What right had she, the spiteful, envious little fool,
-to bring in the name of a lady--of a lady to whom you all owe the
-greatest respect?”
-
-“Papa!” cried Betty, overwhelmed, “Bee couldn’t have meant any harm.”
-
-Colonel Kingsward was out of himself and he uttered words which
-terrified his daughter, and which need not be recorded against him--for
-he certainly did not in cold blood wish Bee to fall under any celestial
-malediction. He stormed about the room, saying much that Betty could not
-understand; that it was just the thing of all others that should not
-have happened, and the time of all others; that if it had been a little
-later, or even a little earlier, it would not have mattered; that it was
-enough to overturn every arrangement, increase every difficulty. He was
-not at all a man to give way to his feelings so. His children, indeed,
-until very lately, had never seen him excited at all, and it was an
-astonishment beyond description to little Betty to be a spectator of
-this scene. Indeed, Colonel Kingsward awoke presently to a sense of the
-self-exposure he had been making, and calmed down, or, at least,
-controlled himself, upon which Betty ventured to ask him very humbly
-what he thought she had better do.
-
-“May I go to Miss Lance and tell her? She is not angry now, nor unhappy
-about him like--like _us_,” said Betty, putting the best face upon it
-with instinctive capacity, “and she might know what to do. She is so
-very kind and understanding, don’t you know, papa?--and she would know
-what to do.”
-
-For the first time Colonel Kingsward gave his agitated little visitor a
-smile. “You seem to have some understanding, too, for a little girl,” he
-said, “and it looks as if you would be worthy of my confidence, Betty.
-When I see you this afternoon I shall, perhaps, have something to tell
-you that----”
-
-There came over Colonel Kingsward’s fine countenance a smile, a
-consciousness, which filled Betty with amaze. She had seen her father
-look handsome, commanding, very serious. She had seen him wear an air
-which the girls in their profanity had been used in their mother’s happy
-days to call that of the _père noble_. She had seen him angry, even in a
-passion, as to-day. She had heard him, alas! blaspheme, which had been
-very terrible to Betty. But she had never, she acknowledged to herself,
-seen him look _silly_ before. Silly, in a girl’s phraseology, was what
-he looked now, with that fatuity which is almost solely to be attributed
-to one cause; but of this Betty was not aware. It came over his
-countenance, and for a moment Colonel Kingsward let himself go on the
-flood of complacent consciousness, which healed all his wounds. Then he
-suddenly braced himself up and turned to Betty again.
-
-“Perhaps,” he said, in his most fatherly tone, for it seemed to the man
-in this crisis of his life that even little Betty’s support was
-something to hold by, “my dear child, your instinct is right. Go to Miss
-Lance and tell her how things are. Don’t take this odious letter,
-however,” he said, seizing Bee’s note and tearing it across with
-indignant vehemence, “with all its prejudices and assumptions. Tell her
-in your own words; and where they are--and---- Where are they, by the
-way?” he said, groping for the fragments of the letter in his
-waste-paper basket. “I hope you noted the address.”
-
-He had not then, it was evident, noted the address, nor the name of Mrs.
-Leigh, nor in whose house Charlie was. Betty’s heart beat high with the
-question whether she should call his attention to these additional
-facts, but her courage failed her. He had cooled down, he was himself
-again: and after a moment he added, “I will write a little note which
-you can take,” with once more the smile that Betty thought silly
-floating across his face. She was standing close by the writing-table,
-and Betty was not aware that there was any harm in the natural glimpse
-which her keen eyes took, before she was conscious of it, of the note he
-was writing. It was not like a common note. It did not begin “Dear Miss
-Lance,” as would have been natural. In short, it had no beginning at
-all, nor any signature--or rather it was signed only with his initial
-“F.” How very extraordinary that papa should sign “F.” and should not
-put any beginning to his letter. A kind of wondering consternation
-enveloped the little girl. But still she did not in the least understand
-what it meant.
-
-Betty walked away along Pall Mall and Piccadilly, and by the edge of the
-Park to George Street, Hanover Square. It is not according to the
-present fashion that a girl should shrink from walking along through
-those busy London streets, where nobody is in search of adventures, at
-least at that hour of the morning. Her white morning frock and her black
-ribbons, and her early bloom, like the morning, though delightful to
-behold, did not make all the passers by stand and stare as the movements
-of a pretty girl used to do, if we are to credit the novels, in the
-beginning of the century. People, perhaps, have too much to do nowadays
-to give to that not unusual sight the attention which the dandies and
-the macaroni bestowed upon it, and Betty was so evidently bent on her
-own little business, whatever it was, that nothing naturally occurred to
-detain her.
-
-It was so unusual for her to have a grave piece of business in hand that
-she was a little elated by it, even though so sorry for Charlie who was
-so ill, and for Bee who was so perturbed about everything. Betty herself
-was not perturbed; she was full of the pleasure of the morning and the
-long, interesting walk, and the sense of her own importance as a
-messenger. If there did occasionally float across her mind the idea
-that her father’s demeanour was strange, or that it was odd that he
-should have signed his note to Miss Lance with an F., it was merely a
-momentary idea and she did not question it or detain it. And poor
-Charlie! Ill--not able to get out this fine weather; but he was getting
-better, so that there was really nothing to be troubled about.
-
-Miss Lance was up, but had not yet appeared when Betty was shown into
-her little drawing-room. She was not an early riser. It was one of her
-vices, she frankly allowed. Betty had to wait, and had time to admire
-all her friend’s knick-knacks, of which there were many, before she came
-in, which she did at last, with her arms put out to take Betty
-maternally to her bosom. She looked in the girl’s face with a very
-intent glance before she took her into this embrace.
-
-“My little Betty, so early,” she said, and kissed the girl, and then
-looked at her again, as if in expectation of something; but as Betty
-could not think of anything that Miss Lance would be expecting from her,
-she remained unconscious of any special meaning in this look.
-
-“Yes, I am early,” she said; “it is because I have something to tell
-you, and something to ask of you, too.”
-
-“Tell, my dear little girl, and ask. You may be sure I shall be at your
-service. But what is this in your hand--a note for me?”
-
-“Yes, it is a note for you, but may I tell you first what it is about?”
-Betty went on quickly with her story, though Miss Lance, without waiting
-for it, took the note and opened it. “Miss Lance, Charlie is found; he
-has been very ill, and he wants to see you.”
-
-“To see me?” Miss Lance looked with eyes of sympathy, yet great
-innocence, as if at an impossible proposal, at the breathless girl so
-anxious to get it out. “But, Betty, if he is with your friends, the
-Mackinnons, in Scotland--?”
-
-“Oh, Miss Lance, I told you he was not there, don’t you remember? He has
-never been anywhere all this time. He has had typhoid fever, and on
-Thursday Bee was sent for, and found him still ill, but mending. And
-when he heard you were in town he would give her no peace till she wrote
-and asked you to come and see him. And she did not know your address so
-she wrote to me. I went to tell papa first, and then I came on here. Oh,
-will you come and see Charlie? Bee said he wanted to get into a hansom
-and come to you as soon as he heard you were here.”
-
-“What induced them to talk of me, and why did she tell him I was here?”
-Miss Lance cried, with a momentary cloud upon her face, such as Betty
-had never seen there before. She sat down suddenly in a chair, with a
-pat of her foot upon the carpet, which was almost a stamp of impatience,
-and then she read Colonel Kingsward’s note for the second time, with her
-brows drawn together and a blackness about her eyes which filled Betty
-with alarm and dismay. She looked up, however, next minute with her
-countenance cleared. “Your father says I am to use my own discretion,”
-she said, with a half laugh; “that is not much help to me, is it, in
-deciding what is best to do? So he has been ill--and not in Scotland at
-all?”
-
-“I told you he was not in Scotland,” cried Betty, a little impatient in
-her turn. “Oh, Miss Lance, he has been ill, he is still ill, and won’t
-you come and see him when he wants you so? Oh, come and see him, please!
-He looks so ill and wretched, Bee says, and weak, and cannot get back
-his strength; and he thinks if he could see you----”
-
-“Poor boy--silly boy!” said Miss Lance; “why does he think it will do
-him good to see me? I doubt if it would do him any good; and your father
-says I am to use my discretion. I would do anything for any of you,
-Betty, but perhaps I should do him harm instead of good. Have you got
-your sister’s letter?”
-
-“I left it with papa--that is, he threw it into the waste paper basket,”
-said the too truthful Betty, growing red.
-
-“I understand,” said Miss Lance, “it was not a letter to show me. Bee
-has her prejudices, and perhaps she is right. I cannot expect that all
-the family should be as nice to me as you. Have they taken him to
-Kingswarden? Or where is he, poor boy?”
-
-“He is at No. 1000, Curzon Street,” Betty said.
-
-“What!” said Miss Lance. “Where?” Her brow curved over her eyes, her
-face grew dark as if the light had gone out of the morning, and she
-spoke the two monosyllables in a sharp imperative tone, so that they
-seemed to cut like a knife.
-
-“At No. 1000; Curzon Street,” Betty repeated with great alarm, not
-knowing what to think.
-
-Miss Lance rose quickly, as if there had been something that stung her
-in the innocent words. She looked as if she were about to pace the room
-from end to end, as Colonel Kingsward did when he was disturbed. But
-either she did not mean this, or she restrained herself, for what she
-did was to walk to her writing-table and put Colonel Kingsward’s note
-away in a drawer, and then she went to the window and looked out, and
-said it was a fine morning but dusty for walking--and then she returned
-to her chair and sat down again and looked at Betty. She was pale, and
-there were lines in her face that had not been there before. Her eyes
-were almost piteous as she looked at the surprised girl.
-
-“I am in a very strait place,” she said, “and I don’t know what to do.”
-Something like moisture seemed to come up into her eyes. “This is always
-how it happens to me,” she said, “just at the moment, just at the
-moment! What am I to do?”
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XLVII.
-
-
-BEE had passed the whole day with Charlie, the Friday of the dinner
-party at Portman Square. She had resisted as long as she could writing
-the letter which had brought so much excitement to Betty, and the
-passion with which he had insisted upon this--the struggle between them,
-the vehemence with which he had declared that he cared for nothing in
-the world but to see Laura once again, to thank her for having pleaded
-for him with his father, to ask her forgiveness for his follies--had
-been bad for Charlie, who lay for the rest of the day upon the sofa,
-tossing from him one after the other the novels that were provided for
-his amusement, declaring them to be “rot” or “rubbish,” growling at his
-sister when she continued to speak to him, and reducing poor Bee to that
-state of wounded imbecility which is the lot of those who endeavour to
-please an unpleasable invalid, with the conviction that all the time
-they are doing more harm than good.
-
-Bee was not maladroit by nature, and she had the warmest desire to be
-serviceable to her brother, but it appeared that she always did the
-wrong thing, not only in the eyes of Charlie, but in those of the nurse,
-who came in from time to time with swift movements, bringing
-subordination and quiet where there had been nothing but irritation and
-resistance. And in this house, where she had been brought entirely for
-the service of Charlie, Bee did not know what to do. She was afraid to
-leave the rooms that had been given up to him lest she should meet
-someone on the stairs, or be seen only to be avoided, as if her presence
-there was that of a ghost or an enemy. Poor Bee--wearing out the long
-hours of the spring afternoon with poor attempts to be useful to the
-invalid, to watch his looks--which he resented by frequent adjurations
-not to watch him as a cat watches a mouse--to anticipate his
-wishes--which immediately became the last thing in the world he wanted
-as soon as she found out the drink or got the paper for which he was
-looking, heard or thought she heard steps coming to the street door,
-subdued voices in the hall, comings and goings half stealthily, noises
-subdued lest she should hear. What did it matter whether she heard or
-not? Why should the master of the house be banished that she, so
-ineffectual as she had proved, should be brought to her brother’s side?
-She had not done, and could not do, any good to Charlie. All that she
-had done had been to remind him of Miss Lance, to be the medium of
-calling that disastrous person, who had done all the harm, back into
-Charlie’s life--nay, of bringing her back to this house, the inmates of
-which she had already harmed to the utmost of her power.
-
-That was all that had been done by Bee, and now her presence kept at a
-distance the one individual in the world who had the best right to be
-here. He came almost secretly, she felt sure, to the door in the dusk
-to inquire after his patient, or to get his letters; or stole in,
-subduing his step, that she might not be disturbed.
-
-Poor Bee! It was very bitter to her to think that Aubrey Leigh should
-leave his own house because she was there. Sometimes she wondered
-whether it was some remnant of old, almost-extinguished feeling in his
-breast which had made him think that the sight of Bee would do Charlie
-good--the sight of Bee, for which her brother did not care at all, not
-at all; which was an annoyance and a fatigue to him, except when she had
-betrayed what was the last thing in the world she should have betrayed,
-the possibility of seeing again that woman who had harmed them all. If
-Aubrey had thought so, with some remnant of the old romance, how
-mistaken he had been! And it was intolerable for the girl to think that
-for the sake of this unsuccessful experiment he had been sent away from
-his own house. She placed herself in the corner of the room in which
-Charlie (to whom she was supposed to do good and bring pleasure) could
-see her least, and bitterness filled her heart. There were times in
-which she thought of stealing away, leaving a word for Mrs. Leigh to the
-effect that she was doing Charlie no good, and that Betty, who would
-come to-morrow, might perhaps be of more use--and returning forlorn to
-Kingswarden to renew the life, where perhaps nobody wanted her very
-much, but where, at least, there were so many things which she and no
-one else was there to do.
-
-She was still in this depressed state when Mrs. Leigh (who had evidently
-gone away that the brother and sister might be alone and happy together)
-came back, looking into Charlie’s room to ask how he was on her way
-upstairs to dress for dinner.
-
-“Better,” the nurse said, with her eyebrows. “Peevish--young lady
-mustn’t cross him--must be humoured--things not gone quite so well
-to-day.”
-
-“You will tell me about it at dinner,” said Mrs. Leigh, and Bee went
-downstairs with a heavy heart to be questioned. Aubrey’s mother looked
-cheerful enough; she did not seem to be unhappy about his absence or to
-dislike the society of the girl who had driven him away. And she was
-very considerate even in her questions about the patient.
-
-“We must expect these fluctuations,” she said; “you must not be cast
-down if you are not quite so triumphantly successful to-day.”
-
-“Oh, Mrs. Leigh, I am deceiving you. I have never been successful at
-all. He did not want me--he doesn’t care for me, and to stay here is
-dreadful, upsetting the house--doing no good.”
-
-“My dear, this is a strange statement to make, and you must not expect
-me to believe you in the face of facts. He was much better after seeing
-you last night.”
-
-“Doing no good,” said Bee, shaking her head, “but harm, oh, real harm!
-It was not I that did him good, it was telling him of someone, of a
-lady. Oh, Mrs. Leigh, how am I to tell you?”
-
-“My dear child, anything that you yourself know can surely be told to
-me. We were afraid that something about a woman was at the bottom of it,
-but then that is always the thing that is said, and typhoid, you know,
-means bad drains and not a troubled mind--though the one may make you
-susceptible to the other. Don’t be so distressed, my dear. It seems more
-to your inexperience than it is in reality. He will get over that.”
-
-“Mrs. Leigh,” said Bee, very pale, “he has made me write to ask her to
-come and see him here.”
-
-It was now Mrs. Leigh’s turn to change colour. She grew red, looking
-astonished in the girl’s despairing face.
-
-“A woman to come and see him, here! But your brother would never insult
-the house and you---- I am talking nonsense,” she said, suddenly
-stopping herself, “and misconstruing him altogether. It is some lady who
-has jilted him--or something of that kind.”
-
-Bee had not understood what Mrs. Leigh’s first idea was, and she did not
-see any cause for relief in the second.
-
-“I don’t know what she did to him, or what she has done to them all,”
-the girl said, mournfully. “They are all the same. Papa, even, who does
-not care very much for ladies, generally---- But Charlie, poor Charlie!
-Oh, I believe he is in love with her still, though she is twice as old
-as he is and has almost broken his heart.
-
-“My dear,” said Mrs. Leigh, “this must be something very different to
-what we thought. We thought he had got into some very dreadful trouble
-about a--an altogether inferior person. But as it seems to be a lady,
-and one that is known to the family, and who can be asked to come
-here--if you can tell me a little more clearly what the story is, I
-shall be more able to give you my advice.”
-
-Bee looked at her questioner helpless, half distracted, not knowing how
-to speak, and yet the story must be told. She had written that fatal
-invitation, and it could not be concealed who this possible visitor was.
-She began with a great deal of hesitation to talk of the lady whom
-Charlie had raved about at Oxford, and how he was to work to please her;
-and how he did not work, but failed in every way, and fled from Oxford;
-and how her father went to inquire into the story; and how the lady had
-come to Colonel Kingsward at the hotel, to explain to him, to excuse
-Charlie, to beg his father to forgive him.
-
-“But, my dear, she can’t be so very bad,” said Mrs. Leigh, soothingly.
-“You must not judge her hardly; if she thought she had been to blame in
-the matter, that was really the right thing to do.”
-
-“And since then,” resumed Bee, “I think papa has thought of nobody else;
-he writes to her and tells her everything. He goes to see her; he
-forgets about Charlie and all of us; he has taken Betty there, and Betty
-adores her too. And to-night,” cried Bee, the angry tears coming into
-her eyes, “she is dining in Portman Square, dining with the Lyons as a
-great friend of ours--in Portman Square.”
-
-Mrs. Leigh drew Bee to her and gave her a kiss of consolation. I think
-it was partly that the girl in her misery should not see the smile,
-which Mrs. Leigh, thinking that she now saw through this not uncommon
-mystery, could not otherwise conceal.
-
-“My poor child,” she said, “my dear girl! This is hard upon you since
-you dislike her so much, but I am afraid it is quite natural, and a
-thing that could not have been guarded against. And then you must
-consider that your father may probably be a better judge than yourself.
-I don’t see any harm this lady has done, except that perhaps it is not
-quite good taste to make herself so agreeable both to the father and
-son; but perhaps in Charlie’s case that was not her fault. And I see no
-reason, my dear--really and sincerely as your friend, Bee--why you
-should be so prejudiced against a poor woman whose only fault is that
-everybody else likes her. Now isn’t it a little unreasonable when you
-think of it calmly yourself?”
-
-“Oh, Mrs. Leigh!” Bee cried. The situation was so intolerable, the
-passion of injury and misconception so strong in her that she could only
-gasp in insupportable anger and dismay.
-
-“Bee! Bee! this feeling is natural but you must not let it carry you
-away. Have you seen her? Let me come in when she is here and give my
-opinion.”
-
-“I have seen her three times,” said Bee, solemnly, “once at the Baths,
-and once at the Academy, and once at Oxford;” and then once more
-excitement mastered the girl. “Oh, when you know who she is! Don’t
-smile, don’t smile, but listen! She is Miss Lance.”
-
-“Miss Lance!” Mrs. Leigh repeated the name with surprise, looking into
-Bee’s face. “You must compose yourself,” she said, “you must compose
-yourself. Miss----? My dear, you have got over excited, you have mixed
-things up.”
-
-“No, I am not over-excited! I am telling you only the truth. It is Miss
-Lance, and they all believe in her as if she were an angel, and she is
-coming here.”
-
-Mrs. Leigh was very much startled, but yet she would not believe her
-ears. She had heard Charlie delirious in his fever not so long ago. Her
-mind gave a little leap to the alarming thought that there might be
-madness in the family, and that Bee had been seized like her brother.
-That what she said was actual fact seemed to her too impossible to be
-true. She soothed the excited girl with all her power. “Whoever it is,
-my dear, you shall not take any harm. There is nothing to be frightened
-about. I will take care of you, whoever it is.”
-
-“I do not think you believe me,” said Bee. “I am not out of my mind, as
-you think. It is Miss Lance--Miss Laura Lance--the same, the very same,
-that--and I have written, and she will be coming here.”
-
-“This is very strange,” said Mrs. Leigh. “It does not seem possible to
-believe it. The same--who came between Aubrey and you? Oh, I never meant
-to name him, I was never to name him; but how can I help it? Laura, who
-was the trouble of his house--who would not leave him--who went to your
-father? And now your father! I cannot understand it. I cannot believe
-that it is true.”
-
-“It is true,” said Bee. “But, Mrs. Leigh, you forget that no one cared
-then, except myself; they have forgotten all that now, they have
-forgotten what happened. It was only my business, it was not their
-business. All that has gone from papa; he remembers nothing about it.
-And she is a witch, she is a magician, she is a devil--oh, please
-forgive me, forgive me--I don’t know what I am saying. It has all been
-growing, one thing after another--first me--and then Charlie--and then
-papa--and then Betty. And now, after bringing him almost to death and
-destruction, here is Charlie, in this house, calling for her, raging
-with me till I wrote to call her--me!” cried Bee, with a sort of
-indignant eloquence. “Me! Could it go further than that? Could anything
-be more than that? Me!--and in this house.”
-
-“My dear child,” said Mrs. Leigh, “I don’t wonder, I don’t wonder--it is
-like something in a tragedy. Oh, Bee! Forgive me for what is first in my
-thoughts. Was she the reason, the only reason, for your breach with my
-poor Aubrey? For at first you stood by him--and then you turned upon
-him.”
-
-“Do not ask me any more questions, please. I am not able to answer
-anything. Isn’t it enough that all these things have happened through
-this woman, and that she is coming here?”
-
-Mrs. Leigh made no further question. She saw that the girl’s excitement
-was almost beyond her control, and that her young mind was strained to
-its utmost. She said, half to herself, “I must think. I cannot tell in a
-moment what to do. I must send for Aubrey. It is his duty and mine to
-let it go no further. You must try to compose yourself, my dear, and
-trust us. Oh, Bee,” there were tears in her eyes as she came up to the
-girl and kissed her, “if you could but have trusted us--in all things!
-I don’t think you ever would have repented.”
-
-But Bee did not make any response. Her hands were cold and her head hot.
-She was wrapt in a strange passion and confusion of human chaos and
-bewilderment--everything gone wrong--all the elements of life twisted
-the perverse way; nothing open, nothing clear. She was incapable of any
-simple, unmingled feeling in that confusion and medley of everything
-going wrong.
-
-Mrs. Leigh, a little disappointed, went into the inner room, the little
-library, to write a letter--no doubt to consult or summon her son--from
-which she was interrupted a few minutes later by a faint call, and Bee’s
-white face in the doorway.
-
-“Mrs. Leigh, papa will come to-morrow, and he will take us away; at
-least he will take me away. I--I shan’t be any longer in anyone’s way.
-Oh, don’t keep him apart from you--don’t send anyone out of the house
-because of me!”
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XLVIII.
-
-
-THERE was a great deal of commotion next morning in the house in
-Mayfair.
-
-Bee was startled by having a tray brought to her bedroom with her
-breakfast when she was almost ready to go downstairs. “Mrs. Leigh
-thought, Miss, as you had been so tired last night, you might like to
-rest a little longer,” said the maid; and Bee divined with a sharp pang
-through all the trouble and confusion of her mind that she was not
-wanted--that probably Aubrey was coming to consult with his mother what
-was to be done. It may be imagined with what scrupulousness she kept
-within her room, her pride all up in arms though her heart she thought
-was broken. Though the precaution was so natural, though it was taken at
-what was supposed to be her desire, at what was really her desire--the
-only one she would have expressed--yet she resented it, in the
-contradiction and ferment of her being. If Mrs. Leigh supposed that she
-wanted to see Aubrey! He was nothing to her, he had no part in her life.
-When she had been brought here, against her will, it had been expressly
-explained that it was not for Aubrey, that he would rather go away to
-the end of the world than disturb her. And she had herself appealed to
-his mother--her last action on the previous night--to bring him back,
-not to banish him on account of the girl who was nothing to him, and
-whose part it was, not his, to go away. All this, however, did not make
-it seem less keen a wound to Bee that she should be, so to speak,
-imprisoned in her own room, because Aubrey was expected downstairs. She
-had never, she declared to herself vehemently, felt at ease under the
-roof that was his; nothing but Charlie’s supposed want of her would have
-induced her to subject herself to the chances of meeting him, and the
-still more appalling chance of being supposed to wish to meet him. And
-now this insult of imprisonment in her bedroom, lest she should by any
-chance come under his observation, offend his eye!--Bee was
-contradictory enough at all times, a rosebud set about with wilful
-thorns; but everything was in tumult about her, and all her conditions
-nothing but contradictions now.
-
-Thus it happened that while Betty was setting out with much excitement,
-but that all pleasurable, walking lightly among undiscovered dangers,
-Bee was suddenly arrested, as she felt, imprisoned in the little room
-looking out upon roofs and backs of houses, thrust aside into a corner
-that she might not be seen or her presence known--imperceptibly the
-force of the description grew as she went on piling up agony upon agony.
-It was some time before, in the commotion of her feelings, she could
-bring herself to swallow her tea, and then she walked about the room,
-gazed out of the window from which, as it was at the back of the house,
-she saw nothing, and found the position more and more intolerable every
-minute. A prisoner! she who had been brought here against her will, on
-pretence that her presence might save her brother’s life, or something
-equally grandiose and impossible--save her brother’s life, bring him
-back from despair by the sight of some one that he loved. These were the
-sort of words that Mrs. Leigh had said. As if it mattered to Charlie one
-way or the other what Bee might think or do! As if he were to be
-consoled by her, or stimulated, or brought back to life! She had
-affected him involuntarily, undesirably, by her betrayal of the vicinity
-of that woman, that witch, who had warped his heart and being. But as
-for influencing in her own person her brother’s mind or life, Bee knew
-she was as little capable as baby, the little tyrant of the nursery. Oh!
-how foolish she had been to come at all, to yield to what was said, the
-flattering suggestion that she could do so much, when she knew all along
-in her inmost consciousness that she could do nothing! The only thing
-for her to do now was to go back to the dull life of which in her
-impatient foolishness she had grown so weary, the dull life in which she
-was indeed of some use after all, where it was clearly her duty to get
-the upper hand of baby, to preserve the discipline of the nursery, to
-train the little ones, and keep the big boys in order. These were the
-elder sister’s duties, with which nobody could interfere--not any
-ridiculous, sentimental, exaggerated idea, as Charlie had said, of what
-a woman’s ministrations could do. “Oh, woman, in our hours of ease!”
-that sort of foolish, foolish, intolerable, ludicrous kind of thing,
-which it used to be considered right to say, though people knew better
-now. Bee felt bitterly that to say of her that she was a ministering
-angel would be irony, contumely, the sort of thing people said when they
-laughed at women and their old-fashioned sham pretences. She had never
-made any such pretence. She had said from the beginning that Charlie
-would care for none of her ministrations. She had been brought here
-against her judgment, against her will, and now she was shut up as in a
-prison in order that Aubrey might not be embarrassed by the sight of
-her! As if she had wished to see Aubrey! As if it had not been on the
-assurance that she was not to see Aubrey that she had been beguiled
-here!
-
-When a message came to her that she was to go to her brother, Bee did
-not know what to do. It seemed to her that Aubrey might be lurking
-somewhere on the stairs, that he might be behind Charlie’s sofa, or
-lying in wait on the other side of the curtain, notwithstanding her
-offence at the quite contradictory idea that she was imprisoned in her
-room to be kept out of his way. These two things were entirely contrary
-from each other, yet it was quite possible to entertain and be disturbed
-by both in the tumult and confusion of a perverse young mind. She
-stepped out of her room as if she were about to fall into an ambush,
-notwithstanding that she had been thrilling in every irritated nerve
-with the idea of being imprisoned there.
-
-Charlie had insisted on getting up much earlier than usual. He had not
-waited for the doctor’s visit. He was better; well, he said, stimulated
-into nervous strength and capability, though his gaunt limbs tottered
-under him and his thin hand trembled. When he got into his sitting-room
-he flung away all his cushions and wrappings as soon as his nurse left
-him and went to the mirror over the mantel-piece and gazed at himself in
-the glass, smoothing down and stroking into their right place those
-irregular soft tufts growing here and there upon his chin, which he
-thought were the beginnings of a beard.
-
-Would she think it was a beard, that sign of manhood? They were too
-downy, fluffy, unenergetic, a foolish kind of growth, like a colt’s,
-some long, some short, yet Charlie could not help being proud of them.
-He felt that they would come to something in time, and remembered that
-he had often heard it said that a beard which never had been shaved
-became the finest--in time. Would she think so? or would she laugh and
-tell him that this would not do, that he must get himself shaved?
-
-He would not mind that she should laugh. She might do anything, all she
-did was delightful to poor Charlie, and there would be a compliment even
-in being told that he must get shaved. Charlie had stroked his upper lip
-occasionally with a razor, but it had never been necessary to suggest to
-him that he should get shaved before.
-
-He had to be put back upon his sofa when nurse re-appeared, but he only
-remained there for the time, promising no permanent obedience. When
-Laura came he certainly should not receive her there.
-
-“When did your letter go? When would Betty receive it?” he said, when
-Bee, breathless and pale, at last, under nurse’s escort, was brought
-downstairs.
-
-“She must have got it last night. But there was a dinner party,” said
-Bee, after a pause, “last night at Portman Square.”
-
-“What do I care for their dinner parties? I suppose the postman would go
-all the same.”
-
-“But Betty could not do anything till this morning.”
-
-“No,” said Charlie, “I suppose not. She would be too much taken up with
-her ridiculous dress and what she was to wear”--the knowledge of a young
-man who had sisters, pierced through even his indignation--“or with some
-nonsense about Gerald Lyon--that fellow! And to think,” he said, in an
-outburst of high, moral indignation “that one’s fate should be at the
-mercy of a little thing like Betty, or what she might say or do!”
-
-“Betty is not so much younger than we are; to be sure,” said Bee, with
-reflective sadness, “she has never had anything to make her think of all
-the troubles that are in the world.”
-
-Charlie turned upon her with scorn.
-
-“And what have you had to make you think, and what do you suppose you
-know? A girl, always protected by everybody, kept out of the battle,
-never allowed to feel the air on your cheek! I must tell you, Bee, that
-your setting yourself up for knowing things is the most ridiculous
-exhibition in the world.”
-
-Bee’s wounded soul could not find any words. She kept out of the battle!
-She setting up for knowing things! And what was his knowledge in
-comparison with hers? He had but been deluded like the rest by a woman
-whom Bee had always seen through, and never, never put any faith in;
-whereas she had lost what was most dear, all her individual hopes and
-prospects, and been obliged to sacrifice what she knew would be the only
-love of her life.
-
-She looked at Charlie with eyes that were full of unutterable things.
-He was reckless with hope and expectation, self-deceived, thinking that
-all was coming right again; whereas Bee knew that things would never
-more be right with her. And yet he presumed to say that she knew
-nothing, and that to think she had suffered was a mere pretence! “How
-little, how little,” Bee thought, “other people know.”
-
-The house seemed full that morning of sounds and commotions, unlike
-ordinary times. There were sounds of ringing bells, of doors opened and
-shut, of voices downstairs. Once both Charlie and Bee held their breath,
-thinking the moment had come, for a carriage stopped at the door, there
-was the sound of a noisy summons, and then steps coming upstairs.
-
-Alas! it was nothing but the doctor, who came in, ushered by nurse, but
-not until she had held a private conference with him, keeping them both
-in the most tremendous suspense in the bedroom. It is true this was a
-thing which happened every morning, but they had both forgotten that in
-the tension of highly-wrought feeling.
-
-And when the doctor came he shook his head. “There has been too much
-going on here,” he said. “You have been doing too much or talking too
-much. Miss Kingsward, you helped us greatly with our patient yesterday,
-but I am afraid you have been going too far, you have hurried him too
-much. We dare not press recovery at railway speed after so serious an
-illness as this.”
-
-“Oh, I have not wished to do so,” said Bee. “It is some friends that we
-are expecting.”
-
-“Friends? I never said he was to see friends,” the doctor said.
-
-“Come doctor,” said Charlie, “you must not be too hard upon me.
-It’s--it’s my father and sister that are coming.”
-
-“Your father and sister are different, but not too much even of them.
-Recollect, nurse, what I say, not too much even of the nearest and
-dearest. The machinery has been too much out of gear to come round all
-in a moment. And, Miss Kingsward, you are pale, too. You had better go
-out a little and take the air. There must not be too much conversation,
-not too much reading either. I must have quiet, perfect quiet.”
-
-“Am I to do nothing but think?” said Charlie. “Is that the best thing
-for a fellow to do that has missed his schools and lost his time?”
-
-“Be thankful that you are at a time of life when the loss of a few weeks
-doesn’t matter, and don’t think,” said the doctor, “or we shall have to
-stop even the father and sister, and send you to bed again. Be
-reasonable, be reasonable. A few days’ quiet and you will be out of my
-hands.”
-
-“Oh, Charlie, then you have given up seeing anyone else,” said Bee, with
-a cry of relief as the doctor, attended by the nurse, went downstairs.
-
-“I have done nothing of the kind,” he cried, jumping up from the sofa
-and going to the window. “And you had better tell that woman to go out
-for a walk and that you will look after me. Do you think when Laura
-comes that I will not see her if fifty doctors were to interfere? But if
-you want to save me a little you will send that woman out of the way. It
-is the worry and being contradicted that does me harm.”
-
-“How can I, Charlie--oh, how can I, in the face of what the doctor
-said?”
-
-He turned back upon her flaming with feverish rage and excitement.
-
-“If you don’t I’ll go out. I’ll have a cab called, and get away from
-this prison,” he cried. “I don’t care what happens to me, but I shall
-see her if I die for it.”
-
-“Perhaps,” said Bee to herself, trembling, “she will not come. Oh!
-perhaps she will not come!” But she felt that this was a very forlorn
-hope, and when the nurse came back the poor girl, faltering and ill at
-ease, obeyed the peremptory signs and frowns of Charlie, once more
-established on the sofa and seeming to take no part in the negotiation.
-
-“Nurse, I have been thinking,” said Bee, with that talent for the
-circumstantial which women have, even when acting against their will,
-“that you have far more need of a walk and a little fresh air than I
-have, who have only been here for a day, and that if you will tell me
-exactly what to do, I could take care of him while you go out a little.”
-
-“Shouldn’t think of leaving him,” said nurse, with her eyebrows working
-as usual and a mocking smile about her lips. “Too much talk; doctor not
-pleased.”
-
-“But if I promise not to talk? I shall not talk. You don’t want to talk,
-do you, Charlie?”
-
-Charlie launched a missile at her in his ingratitude, over his shoulder.
-“Not with you,” he said.
-
-“You hear?” cried Bee, now intent upon gaining her point, and terrified
-lest other visitors might arrive before this matter were decided; “we
-shall not talk, and I will do all you tell me. Oh, only tell me what I
-am to do.”
-
-“Nothing to do,” said the nurse, “not for the next hour; nothing, but
-keep him quiet. Well, if you think you can undertake that, just for half
-an hour--”
-
-“I will--I will--for as long as you please,” cried Bee. It was better,
-indeed, if there must be this interview with Laura, that there should be
-as few spectators as possible. She hurried the woman away with
-eagerness, though she had been alarmed at the first suggestion. But when
-she was alone with him, and nobody to stand by her, thinking at every
-sound she heard that this was the dreaded arrival, Bee crept close to
-him with a sudden panic of terror and dismay.
-
-“Oh, Charlie, don’t listen to her, don’t believe her; oh, don’t be led
-astray by her again! I have done what you told me, but I oughtn’t to
-have done it. Oh, Charlie, stand fast, whatever she says, and don’t be
-led astray by her again.”
-
-The only sign of Charlie’s gratitude that Bee received was to be hastily
-pushed away by his shoulder. “You little fool, what do you know about
-it?” her brother said.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XLIX.
-
-
-BUT the nurse went out for her walk and came in again and nothing
-happened, and Charlie had his invalid dinner, which in his excitement he
-could not eat, and Bee was called downstairs to luncheon, and yet nobody
-came. The luncheon was a terrible ordeal for Bee. She attempted to eat,
-with an eye on the window, to watch for the arrival of the visitors, and
-an ear upon the subdued sounds of the house, through which she seemed to
-hear the distant step, the distant voice of someone whose presence was
-not acknowledged. She repeated with eagerness her little speech of the
-night before. “Something must have detained papa,” she said, “I cannot
-understand it, but he is sure to come, and he will take me away.”
-
-“I don’t want you to be taken away, my dear,” said Mrs. Leigh. “I should
-not let you go if I could help it.”
-
-“Oh, but I must, I must,” said Bee, trembling and agitated. She could
-not eat anything, any more than Charlie, and when the nurse came
-downstairs, indignantly carrying the tray from which scarcely anything
-had been taken, Bee could make no reply to her remonstrances. “The young
-lady had better not come upstairs again,” said nurse; “she has done him
-more harm than good, he will have a relapse if we don’t mind. It is as
-much as my character is worth.” She talked like other people when there
-was no patient present, and she was genuinely afraid.
-
-“What are we to do?” said Mrs. Leigh. “If this lady comes he ought not
-to see her! But perhaps she will not come.”
-
-“That is what I have hoped,” said Bee, “but if she doesn’t come he will
-go out, he will get to her somehow; he will kill himself with
-struggling----”
-
-At the suggestion of going out the nurse gave a shriek and thrust her
-tray into the servant’s hands who was waiting. “He will have to kill me
-first,” she said, rushing away.
-
-And immediately upon this scene came Betty, fresh and shining in her
-white frock, with a smile like a little sunbeam, who announced at once
-that Miss Lance was coming.
-
-“How is Charlie?” said Betty. “Oh, Mrs. Leigh, how good you have been!
-Papa is coming himself to thank you. What a trouble it must have been to
-have him ill here all the time. Mrs. Lyon, whom I am staying with,
-thinks it so wonderful of you--so kind, so kind! And Bee, _she_ is
-coming, though it is rather a hard thing for her to do. She says you
-will not like to see her, Mrs. Leigh, and that it will be an intrusion
-upon you; but I said when you had been so good to poor Charlie all
-along, you would not be angry that she should come who is such a
-friend.”
-
-“Any friend, of course, of Colonel Kingsward’s----” Mrs. Leigh said
-stiffly, while little Betty stared. She thought they all looked very
-strange; the old lady so stiff, and Bee turning red and turning white,
-and a general air as if something had gone wrong.
-
-“Is Charlie worse?” she said, with an anxious look.
-
-And then Bee was suddenly called upstairs. “Can’t manage him any
-longer,” the nurse said on the landing. “I wash my hands of it. Your
-fault if he has a relapse.”
-
-“Who is that?” said Charlie, from within, “Who is it? I will see her!
-Nobody shall interfere, no one--doctor, or nurse, or--the devil himself.
-Bee!”
-
-“It is only Betty,” said Bee, upon which Charlie ceased his raging and
-flung himself again on his sofa.
-
-“You want to torment me; you want to wear me out; you want to kill me,”
-he said, with tears of keen disappointment in his eyes.
-
-“Charlie,” said Bee, “she is coming. Betty is here to say so; she is
-coming in about an hour or so. If you will eat your dinner and lie quite
-quiet and compose yourself you will be allowed to see her, and nurse
-will not object.”
-
-“Oh, Miss Kingsward, don’t answer for me. It is as much as his life is
-worth.”
-
-“But not unless you eat your dinner and keep perfectly quiet.”
-
-“Give us that old dinner,” said Charlie, with a loud, unsteady laugh,
-and the tray was brought back and he performed his duty upon the
-half-cold dishes with an expedition and exuberance that gave nurse new
-apprehensions.
-
-“He’ll have indigestion,” she said, “if he gobbles like that,” speaking
-once more inaudibly over Charlie’s shoulder. But afterwards all was
-quiet till the fated moment came.
-
-I do not think if these girls had known the feelings that were within
-Miss Lance’s breast that they would have been able to retain their
-respective feelings towards her--Betty of adoration or Bee of hostility.
-She had lived a life of adventure, and she had come already on various
-occasions to the very eve of such a settled condition of life as would
-have made further adventure unnecessary and impossible--but something
-had always come in the way. Something so often comes in the way of such
-a career. The stolid people who are incapable of any skilful
-combinations go on and prosper, while those who have wasted so much
-cleverness or much wit, so much trouble--and disturbed the lives of
-others and risked their own--fail just at the moment of success. I am
-sometimes very sorry for the poor adventurers. Miss Lance went to Curzon
-Street with all her wits painfully about her, knowing that she was about
-to stand for her life. It seemed the most extraordinary spite of fate
-that this should have happened in the house of Aubrey Leigh. She would
-have had in any case a disagreeable moment enough between Charlie
-Kingsward and his father, but it was too much to have the other brought
-in. The man whom she had so wronged, the family (for she knew that his
-mother was there also) who knew all about her, who could tell
-everything, and stop her on the very threshold of the new life--that new
-life in which there would be no equivocal circumstances, nothing that
-she could be reproached with, only duty and kindness. So often she
-seemed to have been just within sight of that halcyon spot where she
-would need to scheme no more, where duty and every virtuous thing would
-be natural and easy. Was the failure to come all over again?
-
-She was little more than an adventuress, this troubled woman, and yet it
-was not without something of the exalted feeling of one who is about to
-stand for his life, for emancipation and freedom to do well and all that
-is best in existence, that she walked through the streets towards her
-fate. Truth alone was possible with the Leighs, who knew everything
-about her past, and could not be persuaded or turned from their
-certainty by any explanations. But poor Charlie! Bare truth was not
-possible with him, whom she had sacrificed lightly to the amusement of
-the moment, whom she could never have married or made the instrument of
-building up her fortune except in the way which, to do her justice she
-had not foreseen, through the access he had given her to his father. How
-was she to satisfy that foolish, hot-headed boy?--and how to stop the
-mouths of the others in the background?--and how to persuade Colonel
-Kingsward that circumstances alone were against her--that she herself
-was not to blame? She did not conceal from herself any of these
-difficulties, but she was too brave a woman to fly before them. She
-preferred to walk, and to walk alone, to this trial which awaited her,
-in order to subdue her nerves and get the aid of the fresh air and
-solitude to steady her being. She was going to stand for her life.
-
-It seemed a good augury that she was allowed to enter the house without
-any interruption from the sitting-room below, where she had the
-conviction that her worst opponents were lying in wait. She thought even
-that she had been able to distinguish the white cap and shawl of Mrs.
-Leigh through the window, but it was Betty who met her in the hall--met
-her with a kiss and expression of delight.
-
-“Oh, I am so glad you have come,” said Betty, “he is so eager to see
-you.” The people in ambush in the ground floor rooms must have heard the
-exclamation, but they made no sign. At the door upstairs they were met
-by the nurse, excited and laconic, speaking without any sound.
-
-“No worry--don’t contradict. Much as life is worth,” she said, with
-emphatic, silent lips. Miss Lance, so composed, so perfect in her
-manner, so wound up to everything, laughed a little--she was so
-natural!--and nodded her head. And then she went in.
-
-Charlie on the sofa was of course the chief figure. But he had jumped
-up, flinging his wrappings about, and stood in his gaunt and tremulous
-length, with his big hollow eyes and his ragged little beard, and his
-hands stretched out. “At last!” he said, “at last---- Laura!” stumbling
-in his weakness as he advanced to her. Bee was standing up straight
-against the window in the furthest corner of the room, not making a
-movement. How real, how natural, how completely herself and ready for
-any emergency this visitor was! She took Charlie’s hands in hers,
-supporting him with that firm hold, and put him back upon his couch.
-
-“Now,” she said, “the conditions of my visit are these: perfect quiet
-and obedience, and no excitement. If you rebel in any way I shall go. I
-know what nursing is, and I know what common-sense is--and I came here
-to help you, not to harm you. Move a toe or finger more than you ought,
-and I shall go!”
-
-“I will not move, not an eyelid if you tell me not. I want to do nothing
-but look at you. Laura! oh, Laura! I have been dead, and now I am alive
-again,” Charlie said.
-
-“Ill or well,” said Miss Lance, arranging his cushions with great skill,
-“you are a foolish, absurd boy. Partly it belongs to your age and partly
-to your temperament. I should not have considered you like your father
-at the first glance, but you are like him. Now, perfect quiet. Consider
-that your grandmother has come to see you, and that it does not suit the
-old lady to have her mind disturbed.”
-
-He had seized her hand and was kissing it over and over again. Miss
-Lance took those caresses very quietly, but after a minute she withdrew
-her hand. “Now, tell me all about it,” she said; “you went off in such a
-commotion--so angry with me--”
-
-“Never angry,” he said, “but miserable, oh, more miserable--too
-miserable for words. I thought that you had cut me off for ever.”
-
-“You were right so far as your foolish ideas of that moment went, but I
-hope you have learnt better since, and now tell me what did you do? I
-hoped you had gone home, and then that you had gone to Scotland, and
-then--. What did you do?”
-
-“I don’t know,” said Charlie, “I can’t tell you. I suppose I must have
-been ill then. I came up to town, but I don’t know what I did. And I was
-brought here, and I’ve been ill ever since, and couldn’t seem to get
-better until I heard you had been speaking for me. You speaking for me,
-Laura! Thinking of me a little, trying to bring me back to life. I’ll
-come back to life, dear, for you--anything, Laura, for you!”
-
-“My dear boy, it is a pity you should not have a better reason,” she
-said. The two girls had not gone away. Betty had retired to the corner
-where Bee was, and they stood close together holding each other, ashamed
-and scornful beyond expression of Charlie’s abandonment. Even Betty, who
-was almost as much in love with Miss Lance as Charlie was, was ashamed
-to hear him “going on” in this ridiculous way. What Miss Lance felt to
-have these words of devotion addressed to her in the presence of two
-such listeners I will not say. She was acutely sensible of their
-presence, and of what they were thinking, but she did not shrink from
-the ordeal. “And you must not call me Laura,” she said, “unless you can
-make it Aunt Laura, or Grandmother Laura, which are titles I shouldn’t
-object to. Anything else would be ridiculous between you and me.”
-
-“Laura!” the young man said, raising himself quickly.
-
-“Say Aunt Laura, my dear, and if you move another inch I will go away!”
-
-“You are crushing me,” he cried, “you are driving me to despair!”
-
-“Dear Charlie,” said Miss Lance, “all this, you know, is very great
-nonsense--between you and me; I have told you so all along. Now things
-have really become too serious to go on. I want to be kind to you, to
-help you to get well, and to see as much of you as possible; for you are
-a dear boy and I am fond of you. But this can’t be unless you will see
-things in their true light and acknowledge the real state of affairs. I
-am most willing and ready to be your friend, to be a mother to you. But
-anything else is ridiculous. Do you hear me, Charlie?--ridiculous! You
-don’t want to be laughed at, and you don’t want me to be laughed at, I
-suppose?” She took his hands with which he had covered his face and held
-them in hers. “Now, no nonsense, Charlie. Be a man! Will you have me for
-your friend, always ready to do anything for you, or will you have
-nothing to do with me? Come! I might be your mother, I have always told
-you so. And look here,” she said, with a tone of genuine passion in her
-voice and a half turn of her flexible figure towards the two girls, “I’m
-worth having for a mother; whatever you may think in your cruel youth, I
-am, I am!” Surely this was to them and not to him. The movement, the
-accent, was momentary. Her voice changed again into the softness of a
-caress. “Charlie, my dear boy, don’t make me ridiculous, don’t make
-people laugh at me. They call me an old witch, trying to entrap a young
-man. Will you let people--nay, will you _make_ people call me so?”
-
-“_I_ make anyone call you--anything but what you are!” he cried.
-“Nobody would dare,” said the unfortunate fellow, “to do anything but
-revere you and admire you so long as I was there.”
-
-“And then break out laughing the moment your back was turned,” she said.
-“‘What a hold the old hag has got upon him!’ is what they would say. And
-it would be quite true. Not that I am an old hag. No, I don’t think I am
-that, I am worse. I’m a very well preserved woman of my years. I’ve
-taken great care of myself to keep up what are called my personal
-advantages. I have never wished--I don’t wish now--to be thought older
-than I am, or ugly. I am just old enough--to be your mother, Charlie, if
-I had married young, as your mother did----”
-
-He drew his hands out of her cool and firm grasp, and once more covered
-his face with them. “Don’t torture me,” he cried.
-
-“No, my dear boy, I don’t want to torture you, but you must not make me,
-nor yourself--whom I am proud of--ridiculous. I am going probably--for
-nothing is certain till it happens,” she said, with a mournful tone in
-her voice, slightly shaking her head, “and you may perhaps help to balk
-me--I am probably going to make a match with a reasonable person suited
-to my age.”
-
-Poor Charlie started up, his hands fell from his face, his large
-miserable eyes were fixed upon hers. “And you come--you come--to tell me
-this!” he cried.
-
-“It will be partly for you--to show how impossible your folly is--but
-most for myself, to secure my own happiness.” She said these words very
-slowly, one by one--“To secure my own happiness. Have I not the right to
-do that, because a young man, who should have been my son, has taken it
-into his foolish head to form other ideas of me? You would rather make
-me ridiculous and wretched than consider my dignity, my welfare, my
-happiness--and this is what you call love!” she said.
-
-The girls listened to this conversation with feelings impossible to put
-into words, not knowing what to think. One of them loved the woman and
-the other hated her; they were equally overwhelmed in their young and
-simple ideas. She seemed to be speaking a language new to them, and to
-have risen into a region which they had never known.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER L.
-
-
-SHE left Charlie’s room, having soothed him and reduced him to quiet in
-this inconceivable way, with a smile on her face and the look of one who
-was perfectly mistress of the situation. But when she had gone down
-half-a-dozen steps and reached the landing, she stood still and leaned
-against the wall, clasping her hands tight as if there was something in
-them to hold by. She had carried through this part of her ordeal with a
-high hand. She had made it look the kindest yet the most decisive
-interview in the world, crushing the foolish young heart, without
-remorse, yet tenderly, kindly, with such a force of sense and reason as
-could not be resisted--and all so naturally, with so much apparent ease,
-as if it cost her nothing. But she was after all, merely a woman, and
-she knew that only half, nay, not half, not the worst half of her trial
-was over. She lay back against the wall, having nothing else to rest
-upon, and closed her eyes for a moment. The two girls had followed her
-instinctively out of Charlie’s room, and stood on the stairs one above
-the other, gazing at her. The long lines of her figure seemed to relax,
-as if she might have fallen, and in their wonder and ignorance they
-might still have stood by and looked on letting her fall, without
-knowing what to do. But she did not do so. The corner of the walls
-supported her as if they had made a couch for her, and presently she
-opened her eyes with a vague smile at Betty, who was foremost. “I was
-tired,” she said, and then, “it isn’t easy”--drawing a long breath.
-
-At this moment the trim figure of Mrs. Leigh’s maid appeared on the
-stairs below, so commonplace, so trim, so neat, the little apparition of
-ordinary life which glides through every tragedy, lifting its everyday
-voice in announcements of dinner, in inquiries about tea, in all the
-nothings of routine, in the midst of all tumults of misery and passion.
-“If you please, madam--my lady would be glad if you would step into the
-dining-room,” she said.
-
-Miss Lance raised herself in a moment from that half-recumbent position
-against the wall. She recovered herself, got back her colour and the
-brightness of her eyes, and that look of being perfectly natural, at her
-ease, unstrained, spontaneous, which she had shown throughout the
-interview with Charlie. “Certainly,” she said. There did not seem to be
-time for the twinkling of an eyelid between the one mood and the other.
-She required no preparation or interval to pull herself together. She
-looked at the two sisters as if to call them to follow her, and then
-walked quietly downstairs to be tried for her life--like a martyr--oh,
-no, for she was not a martyr, but a criminal. She had no confidence of
-innocence about her. She knew what indictment was about to be brought
-against her, and she knew it was true. This knowledge, however, gives a
-certain strength. It gives courage such as the innocent who do not know
-what charge may be brought against them or how to meet it, do not
-possess. She had rehearsed the scene. She knew what she was going to be
-accused of, and had thought over, and set in order, all the pleas. She
-knew exactly what she had done and what she had not, which was a tower
-of strength to her, and she knew that on her power of fighting it out
-depended her life. It is difficult altogether to deny our sympathy to a
-brave creature fighting for bare life. However guilty he may be, human
-nature takes sides with him, hopes in the face of all justice that there
-may be a loophole of escape. Even Bee, coming slowly downstairs after
-her, already thrown into a curious tumult of feeling by that scene in
-Charlie’s room, began to feel her breath quicken with excitement even in
-the hostility of her heart.
-
-There was one thing that Miss Lance had not foreseen, and that burst
-upon her at once when the maid opened the door--Colonel Kingsward,
-standing with his arm upon the mantel-piece and his countenance as if
-turned to stone. The shock which this sight gave her was very difficult
-to overcome or conceal, it struck her with a sudden dart as of despair;
-her impulse was to fling down her arms, to acknowledge herself
-vanquished, and to retreat, a defeated and ruined adventuress, but she
-was too brave and unalterably by nature too sanguine to do this. She
-gave him a nod and a smile, to which he scarcely responded, as she went
-towards Mrs. Leigh.
-
-“How strange,” she said, “when I come to see a new friend to find so old
-a friend! I wondered if it could be Mr. Leigh’s house, but I was not
-sure--of the number.”
-
-“I am afraid I cannot say I am glad to see you, Laura,” said Mrs. Leigh.
-
-“No? Perhaps it would have been too much to expect. We were, so to
-speak, on different sides. Poor Amy, I know, was never satisfactory to
-you, and I don’t wonder. Of course you only thought of me as her
-friend.”
-
-“If that were all!” Mrs. Leigh said.
-
-“Was there more than that? May I sit down? I have had a long walk, and
-rather an exhaustive interview--and I did not expect to be put on my
-trial. But it is always best to know what one is accused of. I think it
-quite natural--quite natural that you should not like me, Mrs. Leigh. I
-was Amy’s friend and she was trying to you. She put me in a very false
-position which I ought never to have accepted. But yet--I understand
-your attitude, and I submit to it with respect--but, pardon
-me--sincerely, I don’t know what there was more.”
-
-Miss Lance had taken a chair, a perfectly upright one, on which few
-people could have sat gracefully. She made it evident that it was mere
-fatigue which made her subside upon it momentarily, and lifted her fine
-head and limpid eyes with so candid and respectful an air towards Mrs.
-Leigh’s comfortable, unheroic face, that no contrast of the oppressed
-and oppressor could have been more marked. If anyone had suffered in the
-matter between these two ladies, it certainly was not the one with the
-rosy countenance and round, well-filled-out figure; or so, at least, any
-impartial observer certainly would have felt.
-
-Mrs. Leigh, for her part, was almost speechless with excitement and
-anger. She had intended to keep perfectly calm, but the look, the tone,
-the appearance of this personage altogether, brought before her
-overpoweringly many past scenes--scenes in which, to tell the truth,
-Miss Lance had not been always in the wrong, in which the other figure,
-now altogether disappeared, of Aubrey’s wife was the foremost, an
-immovable gentle-mannered fool, with whom all reason and argument were
-unavailing, whom everybody had believed to be inspired by the companion
-to whom she clung. All Amy’s faults had been bound upon Laura’s
-shoulders, but this was not altogether deserved, and Miss Lance did not
-shrink from anything that could be said on that subject. It required
-more courage to say, “Was there anything more?”
-
-“More!” cried Mrs. Leigh, choking with the remembrance. “More! My boy’s
-house was made unsafe for him, it was made miserable to him, he was
-involved in every kind of danger and scandal, and she asks me if there
-was more?”
-
-“Poor Amy,” said Miss Lance, with a little pause on the name, shaking
-her head gently in compassion and regret. “Poor Amy put me in a very
-false position. I have already said so, I ought not to have accepted it,
-I ought not to have promised; but it was so difficult to refuse a
-promise to the dying. Let Colonel Kingsward judge. She was very unwise,
-but she had been my friend from infancy and clung to me more, much more
-than I wished. She exacted a promise from me on her death-bed that I
-would never leave her child--which was folly, and, perhaps more than
-folly, so far, at least, as I was concerned. You may imagine, Colonel
-Kingsward,” she added, steadfastly regarding him. He had kept his head
-turned away, not looking at her, but this gaze compelled him against his
-will to shift his position, to turn towards the appellant who made him
-the judge. He still kept his eyes away, but his head turned by an
-attraction which he could not withstand. “You may imagine, Colonel
-Kingsward--that I was the person who suffered most,” Miss Lance said
-after that pause, “compelled to stay in a house where I had never been
-welcome, except to poor Amy, who was dead; a sort of guardian, a sort of
-nurse, and yet with none of their rights, held fast by a promise which
-I had given against my will, and which I never ceased to regret. You are
-a man, Colonel Kingsward, but you have more understanding of a woman’s
-feelings than any I know. My position was a false one, it was cruel--but
-I was bound by my word.”
-
-“No one ought to have given such a promise,” he said, coldly, with
-averted eyes.
-
-“You are always right, I ought not to have done so; but she was dying,
-and I was fond of her, poor girl, though she was foolish--it is not
-always the wisest people one loves most--fond of her, very fond of her,
-and of her poor little child.”
-
-The tears came to Miss Lance’s eyes. She shook her head a little as if
-to shake them from her eyelashes. “Why should I cry? They have been so
-long happy, happier far than we----”
-
-Mrs. Leigh, the prosecutor, the accuser, gave a gulp, a sob; the child
-was her grandchild, her only one--and besides anger in a woman is as
-prone to tears as sorrow. She gave a stifled cry, “I don’t deny you
-were good to the child; oh, Laura, I could have forgiven you
-everything! But not--not----”
-
-“What?” Miss Lance said.
-
-Mrs. Leigh seized upon Bee by the arm and drew her forward--Aubrey’s
-mother wanted words, she wanted eloquence, her arguments had to be
-pointed by fact. She took Bee, who had been standing in proud yet
-excited spectatorship, and held her by her own side. “Aubrey,” she said,
-almost inarticulately, and stopped to recover her breath--“Aubrey--whom
-you had driven from his home--found at last this dear girl, this nice,
-good girl, who would have made him a new life. But you interfered, you
-wrote to her father, you went--I don’t know what you did--and said you
-had a claim, a prior claim. If you appeal to Colonel Kingsward, he is
-the best judge. You went to him----”
-
-“Not to me, I was not aware, I never even saw Miss Lance till long
-after; forgive me for interrupting you.”
-
-Miss Lance turned towards him again with that full look of faith and
-confidence. “Always just!” she said. And this time for a tremulous
-moment their eyes met. He turned his away again hastily, but he had
-received that touch; an indefinable wavering came over his aspect of
-iron.
-
-“Yes,” she said, “I do not deny it--it is quite true. Shall I now
-explain before every one who is here? I think,” she added, after a
-moment, “that my little Betty, who has nothing particular to do with it,
-may run away.”
-
-“I!” said Betty, clinging to the back of a chair.
-
-“Go,” said her father, impatiently, “go!”
-
-“Yes, my dear, run away. Charlie must want some one. He will have got
-over me a little, and he will want some one. Dear little Betty, run
-away!”
-
-Miss Lance rose from her seat--probably that too was a relief to
-her--and, with a smile and a kiss, turned Betty out of the room. She
-came back then and sat down again. It gained a little time, and she was
-at a crisis harder than she had ever faced before. She had gained a
-moment to think, but even now she was not sure what way there was out of
-this strait, the most momentous in which she had ever been. She looked
-round her at one after another with a look that seemed as secure and
-confident, as easy and natural, as before; but her brain was working at
-the most tremendous rate, looking for some clue, some indication. She
-looked round as with a pause of conscious power, and then her gaze fixed
-itself on Bee. Bee stood near Mrs. Leigh’s chair. She was standing firm
-but tremulous, a deeply concerned spectator, but there was on her face
-nothing of the eager attention with which a girl would listen to an
-explanation about her lover. She was not more interested than she had
-been before, not so much so as when Charlie was in question. When Mrs.
-Leigh, in her indictment, said, “You interfered,” Bee had made a faint,
-almost imperceptible movement of her head. The mind works very quickly
-when its fate hangs on the balance of a minute, and now, suddenly, the
-culprit arraigned before these terrible judges saw her way.
-
-“I interfered,” Miss Lance said, slowly, “but not because of any prior
-claim;”--she paused again for a moment--“that would have been as absurd
-as in the case Colonel Kingsward knows of. I interfered--because I had
-other reasons for believing that Aubrey Leigh was not the man to marry a
-dear, good, nice girl.”
-
-“You had--other reasons, Laura! Mind what you are saying--you will have
-to prove your words,” cried Mrs. Leigh, rising in her wrath, with an
-astonished and threatening face.
-
-“I do not ask his mother to believe me. It is before Colonel Kingsward,”
-said Miss Lance, “that I stand or fall.”
-
-“Colonel Kingsward, make her speak out! You know it was because she
-claimed my son--she, a woman twice his age; and now she pretends----
-Make her speak out! How dare you? You said he had promised to marry
-you--that he was bound to you. Colonel Kingsward, make her speak out!”
-
-“That was what I understood,” he said, looking out of the window, his
-head turned half towards the other speakers, but not venturing to look
-at them. “I did not see Miss Lance, but that was what I understood.”
-
-Laura sat firm, as if she were made of marble, but almost as pale. Her
-nerves were so highly strung that if she had for a moment relaxed their
-tension, she would have fallen to the ground. She sat like a rock,
-holding herself together with the strong grasp of her clasped hands.
-
-“You hear, you hear! You are convicted out of your own mouth. Oh, you
-are cruel, you are wicked, Laura Lance! If you have anything to say
-speak out, speak out!”
-
-“I will say nothing,” said Miss Lance. “I will leave another, a better
-witness, to say it for me. Colonel Kingsward, ask your daughter if it
-was because of my prior claim, as his mother calls it, that she broke
-off her engagement with Aubrey Leigh.”
-
-Colonel Kingsward turned, surprised, to his daughter, who, roused by the
-sound of her own name, looked up quickly--first at the seemingly
-composed and serious woman opposite to her, then at her father. He spoke
-to her angrily, abruptly.
-
-“Do you hear? Answer the question that is put to you. Was it because of
-this lady, or any claim of hers, that you--how shall I say it?--a girl
-like you had no right to decide one way or the other--that you broke
-off--that your mind was changed towards Mr. Aubrey Leigh?”
-
-It appeared to Bee suddenly as if she had become the culprit, and all
-eyes were fixed on her. She trembled, looking at them all. What had she
-done? She was surely unhappy enough, wretched enough, a clandestine
-visitor, keeping Aubrey out of his own house, and what had she to do
-with Aubrey? Nothing, nothing! Nor he with her--that her heart should
-now be snatched out of her bosom publicly in respect to him.
-
-“That is long past,” she said, faltering, “it is an old story. Mr.
-Aubrey Leigh is--a stranger to me; it is of no consequence--now!”
-
-“Bee,” her father thundered at her, “answer the question! Was it because
-of--this lady that you changed your mind?”
-
-Colonel Kingsward had always the art, somehow, of kindling the blaze of
-opposition in the blue eyes which were so like his own. She looked at
-him almost fiercely in reply, fully roused.
-
-“No!” she said, “no! It was not because of--that lady. It was
-another--reason of my own.”
-
-“What was your reason?” cried Mrs. Leigh. “Oh, Bee, speak! What was it,
-what was it? Tell me, tell me, my dear, what was your reason? that I may
-prove to you it was not true.”
-
-“Had it anything to do with--this lady?” asked Colonel Kingsward once
-more.
-
-“I never spoke to that lady but once,” cried Bee, almost violently. “I
-don’t know her; I don’t want to know her. She has nothing to do with it.
-It was because of something quite different, something that we
-heard--I--and mamma.”
-
-Miss Lance looked at him with a smile on her face, loosing the grip of
-her hands, spreading them out in demonstration of her acquittal. She
-rose up slowly, her beautiful eyes filled with tears. She allowed it to
-be seen for the first time how she was shaken with emotion.
-
-“You have heard,” she said, “a witness you trust more than me--if I put
-myself into the breach to secure a pause, it was only such a piece of
-folly as I have done before. I hope now that you will let me withdraw.
-I am dreadfully tired, I am not fit for any more.”
-
-She looked with that appeal upon her face, first at one of her judges,
-then at the other. “If you are satisfied, let me go.” It seemed as if
-she could not say a word more. They made no response, but she did not
-wait for that. “I take it for granted,” she added, “that by that child’s
-mouth I am cleared,” and then she turned towards the door.
-
-Colonel Kingsward, with a little start, came from his place by the
-mantel-piece and opened it for her, as he would have done for any woman.
-She let it appear that this movement was unexpected, and went to her
-heart; she paused a moment looking up at him--her eyes swimming in
-tears, her mouth quivering.
-
-“How kind you are!” she said, “even though you don’t believe in me any
-more! but I have done all I can. I am very tired, scarcely able to
-walk.” He stood rigid, and made no sign, and she, looking at him, softly
-shook her head--“Let me see you at least once,” she said, very low, in a
-pleading tone, “this evening, some time?”
-
-Still he gave no answer, standing like a man of iron, holding the door
-open. She gave him another look, and then walked quietly, but with a
-slight quiver and half stumble, away. They all stood watching until her
-tall figure was seen to pass the window, disappearing in the street,
-which is the outer world.
-
-“Colonel Kingsward--” said Mrs. Leigh.
-
-He started at the sound of his name, as if he had but just awakened out
-of a dream, and began to smooth his hat, which all this time he had held
-in his hands.
-
-“Excuse me,” he said, “excuse me, another time. I have some pressing
-business to see to now.”
-
-And he, too, disappeared into that street which led both ways, into the
-monotony of London, which is the world.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER LI.
-
-
-THOSE who were left behind were not very careful of what Colonel
-Kingsward did. They were not thinking of his concerns; in the strain of
-personal feeling the most generous of human creatures is forced to think
-first of their own. Neither of the women who were left in the room had
-any time to consider the matter, but if they had they would have made
-sure without hesitation that nothing which could happen to Colonel
-Kingsward could be half so important as that crisis in which his
-daughter was involved.
-
-Mrs. Leigh turned round upon the girl by her side and seized her hands.
-“Bee,” she cried, “now we are alone and we can speak freely. Tell me
-what it was, there is nobody here to frighten you, to take the words
-from your mouth. What was it, what was it that made you turn from
-Aubrey? At last, at last, it can be cleared up whatever it was.”
-
-Bee turned away, trying to disengage her hands. “It is of no
-consequence,” she said, “Oh, don’t make me go back to those old, old
-things. What does it matter to Mr. Leigh? And as for me----”
-
-“It matters everything to Aubrey. He will be able to clear himself if
-you will give him the chance. How could he clear himself when he was
-never allowed to speak, when he did not know? Bee, in justice, in mere
-justice! What was it? You said your mother----”
-
-“Yes, I had her then. We heard it together, and she felt it like me. But
-we had no time to talk of it after, for she was ill. If you would please
-not ask me, Mrs. Leigh! I was very miserable--mother dying, and nowhere,
-nowhere in all the world anything to trust to. Don’t, oh! don’t make me
-go back upon it! I am not--so very--happy, even now!”
-
-The girl would not let herself be drawn into Mrs. Leigh’s arms. She
-refused to rest her head upon the warm and ample bosom which was offered
-to her. She drew away her hands. It was difficult, very difficult, to
-keep from crying. It is always hard for a girl to keep from crying when
-her being is so moved. The only chance for her was to keep apart from
-all contact, to stand by herself and persuade herself that nobody cared
-and that she was alone in the world.
-
-“Bee, I believe,” said Mrs. Leigh, solemnly, “that you have but to speak
-a word and you will be happy. You have not your mother now. You can’t
-turn to her and ask her what you should do. But I am sure that she would
-say, ‘speak!’ If she were here she would not let you break a man’s heart
-and spoil his life for a punctilio. I have always heard she was a good
-woman and kind--kind. Bee,” the elder lady laid her hand suddenly on the
-girl’s shoulder, making her start, “she would say ‘speak’ if she were
-here.”
-
-“Oh, mamma, if you were here!” said Bee, through her tears.
-
-She broke down altogether and became inarticulate, sobbing with her face
-buried in her hands. The ordeal of the last two days had been severe.
-Charlie and his concerns and the appearance of Miss Lance, and the
-conflict only half understood which had been going on round her, had
-excited and disturbed her beyond expression, as everybody could see and
-understand. But, indeed, these were but secondary elements in the storm
-which had overwhelmed Bee, which was chiefly brought back by that sudden
-plunge into the atmosphere of Aubrey. The sensation of being in his
-house, which she might in other circumstances have shared with him, of
-sitting at his table, in his seat, under the roof that habitually
-sheltered him--here, where her own life ought to have been passed, but
-where the first condition now was that there should be nothing of him
-visible. In Aubrey’s house, but not for Aubrey! Aubrey banished, lest
-perhaps her eyes might fall upon him by chance, or her ears be offended
-by the sound of his voice! Even his mother did not understand how much
-this had to do with the passion and trouble of the girl, from whose
-eyes the innocent name of her mother, sweetest though saddest of
-memories, had let forth the salt and boiling tears. If Mrs. Leigh had
-been anybody in the world save Aubrey’s mother, Bee would have clung to
-her, accepting the tender support and consolation of the elder women’s
-arms and her sympathy, but from Aubrey’s mother she felt herself
-compelled to keep apart.
-
-It was not until her almost convulsive sobbing was over that this
-question could be re-opened, and in the meantime Betty having heard the
-sound of the closing door came rushing downstairs and burst into the
-room: perhaps she was not so much disturbed or excited as Mrs. Leigh was
-by Bee’s condition. She gave her sister a kiss as she lay on the sofa
-where Mrs. Leigh had placed her, and patted her on the shoulder.
-
-“She will be better when she has had it out,” said Betty. “She has
-worked herself up into such a state about Miss Lance. And oh, please
-tell me what has happened. You are her enemy, too, Mrs. Leigh--oh, how
-can you misjudge her so! As if she had been the cause of any harm! I was
-sent away,” said Betty, “and, of course, Bee could not speak--but I
-could have told you. Yes, of course, I knew! How could I help knowing,
-being her sister? I can’t tell whether she told me, I knew without
-telling; and, of course, she must have told me. This is how it was----”
-
-Bee put forth her hand and caught her sister by the dress, but Betty was
-not so easily stopped. She turned round quickly, and took the detaining
-hand into her own and patted and caressed it.
-
-“It is far better to speak out,” she said, “it must be told now, and
-though I am young and you call me little Betty, I cannot help hearing,
-can I, what people say? Mrs. Leigh, this was how it was. Whatever
-happened about dear Miss Lance--whom I shall stick to and believe in
-whatever you say,” cried Betty, by way of an interlude, with flashing
-eyes, “that had nothing, nothing to do with it. That was a story--like
-Charlie’s, I suppose, and Bee no more made a fuss about it than I should
-do. It was after, when Bee was standing by Aubrey, like--like Joan of
-Arc; yes, of course I shall call him Aubrey--I should like to have him
-for a brother, but that has got nothing to do with it. A lady came to
-call upon mamma, and she told a story about someone on the railway who
-had met Aubrey on the way home after that scene at Cologne, after he was
-engaged to Bee, and was miserable because of papa’s opposition.” Betty
-spoke so fast that her words tumbled over each other, so to speak, in
-the rush for utterance. “Well, he was seen,” she resumed, pausing for
-breath, “putting a young woman with children into one of the sleeping
-carriages--a poor young woman that had no money or right to be there. He
-put her in, and when they got to London he was seen talking to her, and
-giving her money, as if she belonged to him. I don’t see any harm in
-that, for he was always kind to poor people. But these ladies did, and I
-suppose so did mamma, and Bee blazed up. That is just like her. She
-takes fire, she never waits to ask questions, she stops her ears. She
-thought it was something dreadful, showing that he had never cared for
-her, that he had cared for other people even when he was pretending, I
-should have done quite different. I should have said, ‘Now, look here,
-Aubrey, what does it mean?’--or, rather, I should never have thought
-anything but that he was kind. He was always kind--silly, indeed, about
-poor people, as so many are.”
-
-Mrs. Leigh had followed Betty’s rapid narrative with as much attention
-as she could concentrate upon it, but the speed with which the words
-flew forth, the little interruptions, the expressions of Betty’s matured
-and wise opinions, bewildered her beyond measure.
-
-“What does it all mean?” she asked, looking from one to another when the
-story was done. “A sleeping carriage on the railway--a woman with
-children--as if she belonged to him? How could a woman with children
-belong to him?” Then she paused and grew crimson with an old woman’s
-painful blush. “Is it vice, horrible vulgar vice, this child is
-attributing to my boy?”
-
-The two girls stared, confused and troubled. Bee got up from the sofa
-and put her hands to her head, her eyes fixed upon Mrs. Leigh with an
-appalled and horrified look. She had not asked herself of what Aubrey
-had been accused. She had fled from him before the dreadful thought of
-relationships she did not understand, of something which was the last
-insult to her, whatever it might be in itself. “Vulgar vice!” The girls
-were cowed as if some guilt had been imputed to themselves.
-
-“You are not like anything I have known, you girls of the period,” cried
-the angry mother. “You are acquainted with such things as I at my age
-had never heard of. You make accusations! But now--he shall answer for
-himself,” she said, flaming with righteous wrath. Mrs. Leigh went to the
-bell and rang it so violently that the sound echoed all over the house.
-
-“Go and ask your master to come here at once, directly; I want him this
-moment,” she said, stamping her foot in her impatience. And then there
-was a pause. The man went off and was seen from the window to cross the
-street on his errand. Then Bee rose, her tears hastily dried up, pushing
-back from her forehead her disordered hair.
-
-“I had better go. If you have sent for Mr. Leigh it will be better that
-I should go.”
-
-Mrs. Leigh was almost incapable of speech. She took Bee by the shoulders
-and put her back almost violently on the sofa. “You shall stay there,”
-she said, in a choked and angry voice.
-
-What a horrible pause it was! The girls were silent, looking at each
-other with wild alarm. Betty, who had blurted out the story, but to whom
-the idea of repeating it before Aubrey--before a man--was unspeakable
-horror, made a step towards the door. Then she said, “No, I will not run
-away,” with tremendous courage. “It is not our fault,” she added, after
-a pause. “Bee, if I have got to say it again, give me your hand.”
-
-“It is I who ought to say it,” said Bee, pale with the horror of what
-was to come. “Vulgar vice!” And she to accuse him, and to stand up
-before the world and say that was why!
-
-It seemed a long time, but it was really only a few minutes, before
-Aubrey appeared. He came in quickly, breathless with haste and suspense.
-He expected, from what his mother had told him, to find Miss Lance and
-Colonel Kingsward there. He came into the agitated room and found, of
-all people in the world, Bee and Betty, terrified, and his mother,
-walking about the room sounding, as it were, a metaphorical lash about
-their ears, in the frank passion of an elder woman who has the most just
-cause of offence and no reason to bate her breath. There was something
-humorous in the tragic situation, but to them it was wholly tragic, and
-Aubrey, seeing for the first time after so long an interval the girl he
-loved, and seeing her in such strange circumstances, was by no means
-disposed to see any humorous side.
-
-“Here, Aubrey!” said his mother, “I have called upon you to hear what
-you are accused of. You thought it was Laura Lance, but she has nothing
-to do with it. You are accused of travelling from Germany, that time
-when you were sent off from Cologne--the time those Kingswards turned
-upon you”--(the girls both started, and recovered themselves a little at
-the shock of this contemptuous description),--“travelling in sleeping
-carriages and I know not what with a woman and children, who were
-believed to belong to you! What have you to say?”
-
-“That was not what I said, Mrs. Leigh.”
-
-“What have you to say?” cried Mrs. Leigh, waving her hand to silence
-Betty; “the accused has surely the right to speak first.”
-
-“What have I to say? But to what, mother? What is it? Was I travelling
-with a woman and children? I suppose I was travelling--with all the
-women and children that were in the same train. But otherwise, of course
-you know I was with nobody. What does it mean?”
-
-Bee got up from the sofa like a ghost, her blue eyes wild, her face
-pale. “Oh, let us go, let us go! Do not torment us,” she said. “I will
-acknowledge that it was not true. Now that I see him I am sure that it
-was not true. I was mad. I was so stung to think---- Mrs. Leigh, do not
-kill me! I did him no harm; do not, do not go over it any more!”
-
-“Go over what?” cried Aubrey. “Bee! She can’t stand, she doesn’t see
-where she is going. Mother, what on earth does it matter what was
-against me if it is all over? Mother! How dare you torture my poor
-girl--?”
-
-This was naturally all the thanks Mrs. Leigh got for her efforts to
-unravel the mystery, which the reader knows was the most innocent
-mystery, and which had never been cleared up or thought of since that
-day. It came clear of itself the moment that Aubrey, only to support
-her, took Bee into his arms.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER LII.
-
-
-THE SORCERESS walked away very slowly down the street.
-
-She had the sensation of having fallen from a great height, after the
-excitement of having fought bravely to keep her place there, and of
-having anticipated every step of a combat still more severe which yet
-had not come to pass after her previsions. It had been a fight lasting
-for hours, from the moment Betty, all unconscious, had told her of the
-house in which Charlie was. That was in the morning, and now it was late
-afternoon, and the work of the day, the common work of the day in which
-all the innocent common people about had been employed, was rounding
-towards its end. It seemed to her a long, long time that she had been
-involved, first in imagination, in severe thought, and then in actual
-conflict--in this struggle, fighting for her life. From the beginning
-she had made up her mind that she should fail. It was a consciously
-losing game that she had fought so gallantly, never giving in; and
-indeed she was not unaware, nor was she without a languid satisfaction
-in the fact that she had indeed carried off the honours of the field,
-that it would not be said that she had been beaten. But what did that
-matter? Argument she knew and felt had nothing to do with such affairs.
-She had known herself to have lost from the moment she saw Colonel
-Kingsward standing there against the mantelpiece in the dining-room. It
-had not been possible for her then to give in, to turn and go forth into
-the street flinging down her arms. On the contrary, it was her nature to
-fight to the last; and she had carried off an apparent victory. She had
-marched off with colours flying from the field of battle, leaving every
-enemy confounded. But she herself entertained no illusion in the matter.
-It was possible no doubt that her spell might yet be strong enough upon
-her middle-aged captive to make him ignore and pass over everything that
-told against her--but, after considering the situation with a keen and
-close survey of every likelihood, she dismissed that hope. No, her
-chance was lost--again; the battle was over--again. It had been so near
-being successful that the shock was greater perhaps than usual; but she
-had now been feeling the shock for hours; so that her actual fall was as
-much a relief as a pang, and her mind, full of resource, obstinately
-sanguine, was becoming ready to pass on to the next chance, and had
-already sprung up to think--What now?
-
-I am sorry that in this story I have always been placed in natural
-opposition to this woman, who was certainly a creature full of interest,
-full of resource, and indomitable in her way. And she had a theory of
-existence, as, it is my opinion, we all must have, making out to
-ourselves the most plausible reasons and excuses for all we do. Her
-struggle--in which she would not have denied that she had sometimes been
-unscrupulous--had always been for a standing-ground on which, if once
-attained, she could have been good. She had always promised herself that
-she would be good when once she had attained--oh, excellent! kind, just,
-true!--a model woman. And what, after all, had been her methods? There
-had been little harm in them. Here and there somebody had been injured,
-as in the case of Aubrey Leigh, of Charlie Kingsward. To the first she
-had indeed done considerable harm, but then she had soothed the life of
-Amy, his little foolish wife, to whom she had been more kind than she
-had been unkind to him. She had not wanted to be the third person
-between that tiresome couple. She had stayed in his house from a kind of
-sense of duty, and had Aubrey Leigh indeed asked her to become his
-second wife she would, of course, have accepted him for the sake of the
-position, but with a grimace. She was not particularly sorry for having
-harmed him. It served him right for--well, for being Aubrey Leigh. And
-as for Bee Kingsward, she had triumphantly proved, much to her own
-surprise it must be said, that it was not she who had done Bee any
-harm. Then Charlie--poor Charlie, poor boy! He thought, of course, that
-he was very miserable and badly used. Great heavens! that a boy should
-have the folly to imagine that anything could make him miserable, at
-twenty-two--a man, and with all the world before him. Miss Lance at this
-moment was not in the least sorry for Charlie. It would do him good. A
-young fellow who had nothing in the world to complain of, who had
-everything in his favour--it was good for him to be unhappy a little, to
-be made to remember that he was only flesh and blood after all.
-
-Thus she came to the conclusion, as she walked along, that really she
-had done no harm to other people. To herself, alas! she was always doing
-harm, and every failure made it more and more unlikely that she would
-ever succeed. She did not brood over her losses when she was thus
-defeated. She turned to the next thing that offered with what would have
-been in a better cause a splendid philosophy, but yet in moments like
-this she felt that it became every day more improbable that she would
-ever succeed.
-
-Instead of the large and liberal sphere in which she always hoped to be
-able to fulfil all the duties of life in an imposing and remarkable way,
-she would have probably to drop into--what? A governess’s place, for
-which she would already be thought too old, some dreadful position about
-a school, some miserable place as housekeeper--she with all her schemes,
-her hopes of better things, her power over others. This prospect was
-always before her, and came back to her mind at moments when she was at
-the lowest ebb, for she had no money at all. She had always been
-dependent upon somebody. Even now her little campaign in George Street,
-Hanover Square, was at the expense of the friend with whom she had lived
-in Oxford, and who believed Laura was concerting measures to establish
-herself permanently in some remunerative occupation. These accounts
-would have to be settled somehow, and some other expedient be found by
-which to try again. Well, one thing done with, another to come on--was
-not that the course of life? And there was a certain relief in the
-thought that it was done with.
-
-The suspense was over; there was no longer the conflict between hope and
-fear, which wears out the nerves and clouds the clearness of one’s
-mental vision. One down, another come on! She said this to herself with
-a forlorn laugh in the depths of her being, yet not so very forlorn.
-This woman had a kind of pleasure in the new start, even when she did
-not know what it was to be. There are a great many things in which I
-avow I have the greatest sympathy with her, and find her more
-interesting than a great many blameless people. Poetic justice is
-generally in books awarded to such persons. But that is, one is aware,
-not always the case in life.
-
-While Miss Lance went on quietly along the long unlovely street, with
-those thoughts in her mind, walking more slowly than usual, a little
-languid and exhausted after her struggle, but as has been said frankly
-and without _arrière pensée_ giving up the battle as lost, and accepting
-her defeat--she became suddenly aware of a quick firm footstep behind,
-sounding fast and continuous upon the pavement. A woman like this has
-all her wits very sharply about her, the ears and the sight of a
-savage, and an unslumbering habit of observation, or she could never
-carry on her career. She heard the step and instinctively noted it
-before her mind awoke to any sense of meaning and importance in it.
-Then, all at once, as it came just to that distance behind which made it
-apparent that this footstep was following someone who went before, it
-suddenly slackened without stopping, became slow when it had been fast.
-At this, her thoughts flew away like a mist and she became all ears, but
-she was too wise to turn round, to display any interest. Perhaps it
-might be that he was only going his own way, not intending to follow,
-and that he had slackened his pace unconsciously without ulterior
-motives when he saw her in front of him--though this Miss Lance scarcely
-believed.
-
-Perhaps--I will not affirm it--she threw a little more of her real
-languor and weariness into her attitude and movements when she made this
-exciting discovery. She was, in reality, very tired. She had looked so
-when she left the house; perhaps she had forgotten her great fatigue a
-little in the course of her walk, but it now came back again with
-double force, which is not unusual in the most matter of fact
-circumstances. As her pace grew slower, the footstep behind became
-slower also, but always followed on. Miss Lance proceeded steadily,
-choosing the quietest streets, pausing now and then at a shop window to
-rest. The climax came when she reached a window which had a rail round
-it, upon which she leaned heavily, every line of her dress expressing,
-with a faculty which her garments specially possessed, an exhaustion
-which could scarcely go further. Then she raised her head to look what
-the place was. It was full of embroideries and needlework, a woman’s
-shop, where she was sure of sympathy. She went in blindly, as if her
-very sight were clouded with her fatigue.
-
-“I am very tired,” she said; “I want some silk for embroidery; but that
-is not my chief object. May I sit down a little? I am so very tired.”
-
-“Certainly, ma’am, certainly,” cried the mistress of the shop, rushing
-round from behind the counter to place a chair for her and offer a
-glass of water. She sat down so as to be visible from the door, but
-still with her back to it. The step had stopped, and there was a shadow
-across the window--the tall shadow of a man looking in. A smile came
-upon Miss Lance’s face--of gratitude and thanks to the kind people--also
-perhaps of some internal satisfaction. But she did not act as if she
-were conscious of anyone waiting for her. She took the glass of water
-with many acknowledgments; she leant back on the chair murmuring,
-“Thanks, thanks,” to the exhortations of the shop-woman not to hurry, to
-take a good rest. She did not hurry at all. Finally, she was so much
-better as to be able to buy her silks, and, declaring herself quite
-restored, to go out again into the open air.
-
-She was met by the shadow that had been visible through the window, and
-which, as she knew very well, was Colonel Kingsward, stiff and
-embarrassed, yet with great anxiety in his face. “I feared you were
-ill,” he said, with a little jerk, the words coming in spite of him. “I
-feared you were fainting.”
-
-“Oh, Colonel Kingsward, you!”
-
-“Yes--I feared you were fainting. It is--nothing, I hope?”
-
-“Nothing but exhaustion,” she said, with a faint smile. “I was very
-tired, but I have rested and I am a little better now.”
-
-“Will you let me call a cab for you? You don’t seem fit to walk.”
-
-“Oh, no cab, thanks! I would much rather walk--the air and the slow
-movement does one a little good.”
-
-She was pale, and her voice was rather faint, and every line of her
-dress, as I have said, was tired--tired to death--and yet not
-ungracefully tired.
-
-“I cannot let you go like this alone.” His voice softened every moment;
-they went on for a step or two together. “You had better--take my arm,
-at least,” he said.
-
-She took it with a little cry and a sudden clasp. “I think you are not a
-mere man, but an archangel of kindness and goodness,” she said, with a
-faint laugh that broke down, and tears in her eyes.
-
-And I think for that moment, in the extraordinary revulsion of feeling,
-Miss Lance almost believed what she said.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER LIII.
-
-
-WHAT more is there to say? It is better, when one is able to deal poetic
-justice all round, to reward the good and punish the evil. Who are the
-good and who are the evil? We have not to do with murderers, with
-breakers of the law, with enemies of God or man. If Aubrey Leigh had not
-been exceedingly imprudent, if Bee had not been hot-headed and
-passionate, there would never have been that miserable breach between
-them. And the Sorceress, who destroyed for a time the peace of the
-Kingsward family, really never at any time meant that family any real
-harm. She meant them indeed, to her own consciousness, all the good in
-the world, and to promote their welfare in every way by making them her
-own. And as a matter of fact she did so, devoting herself to their
-welfare. She made Colonel Kingsward an excellent wife and adopted his
-children into her sedulous and unremitting care with a zeal which a
-mother could not have surpassed. Her translation from scheming poverty
-to abundance, and that graceful modest wealth which is almost the most
-beautiful of the conditions of life, was made in a way which was quite
-exquisite as a work of art. Nobody could ever have suspected that she
-had been once poor. She had all the habits of the best society. There
-was nowhere they could go, even into the most exalted regions, where the
-new Mrs. Kingsward was not distinguished. She extended the Colonel’s
-connections and interest, and made his house popular and delightful; and
-she was perfect for his children. Even the county people and near
-neighbours, who were the most critical, acknowledged this. The little
-girls soon learned to adore their step-mother; the big boys admired and
-stood in awe of her, submitting more or less to her influence, though a
-little suspicious and sometimes half hostile. As for baby, who had been
-in a fair way of growing up detestable and a little family tyrant, his
-father’s new marriage was the saving of him. He scarcely knew as he grew
-up that the former Miss Lance was not his mother, and he was said in the
-family to be her idol, but a very well disciplined and well behaved
-idol, and the one of the boys who was likely to have the finest career.
-
-Charlie, poor Charlie, was not so fortunate, at least at first. The
-appointment which Colonel Kingsward declared he had been looking out for
-all along was got as soon as Charlie was able to accept it, and he left
-England when he was little more than convalescent. People said it was
-strange that a man with considerable influence, and in the very centre
-of affairs, should have sent his eldest son away to the ends of the
-earth, to a dangerous climate and a difficult post. But it turned out
-very well on the whole, for after a few years of languor and disgust
-with the world, there suddenly fell in Charlie’s way an opportunity of
-showing that there was, after all, a great deal of English pluck and
-courage in him. I do not think it came to anything more than that--but
-then that, at certain moments, has been the foundation and the saving
-of the British Empire in various regions of the world. There was not one
-of his relations who celebrated Charlie’s success with so much fervour
-as his step-mother, who was never tired of talking of it, nor of
-declaring that she had always expected as much, and known what was in
-him. Dear Charlie, she said, had fulfilled all her expectations, and
-made her more glad and proud than words could say. It was a poor return
-for this maternal devotion, yet a melancholy fact, that Charlie turned
-away in disgust whenever he heard of her, and could not endure her name.
-
-Bee, whose little troubles have been so much the subject of this story,
-accomplished her fate by becoming Mrs. Aubrey Leigh in the natural
-course of events. There was no family quarrel kept up to scandalise and
-amuse society, but there never was much intercourse nor any great
-cordiality between the houses of Kingswarden and Forestleigh. I think,
-however, that it was against her father that Bee’s heart revolted most.
-
-THE END.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-End of Project Gutenberg's The Sorceress (complete), by Margaret Oliphant
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-The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Sorceress (complete), by Margaret Oliphant
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-
-<hr class="full" />
-
-<p class="cb">THE SORCERESS</p>
-
-<div class="figcenter">
-<img src="images/cover.jpg" width="347" height="500" alt="" title="" />
-</div>
-
-<h1>THE SORCERESS</h1>
-
-<p class="cb"><small>BY</small><br />
-MRS. OLIPHANT
-<br />
-<small>AUTHOR OF<br />
-"THE SON OF HIS FATHER," "THE CHRONICLES OF CARLINFORD,"<br />
-"THE ROSE IN JUNE," "THE GREATEST HEIRESS IN ENGLAND,"<br />
-"WHITELADIES," "WITHIN THE PRECINCTS," "IT WAS A<br />
-LOVER AND HIS LASS," "ADAM GRAEME,"<br />
-ETC., ETC.</small><br />
-<br />
-NEW YORK<br />
-JOHN A. TAYLOR AND COMPANY<br />
-<small>119 POTTER BULDING</small><br />
-<br />
-<br />
-<span class="smcap">COPYRIGHT, 1893, BY</span><br />
-JOHN A. TAYLOR AND COMPANY<br />
-</p>
-
-<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" summary=""
-style="border:4px double black;font-weight: bold;">
-
-<tr><td class="c"><a name="CONTENTS" id="CONTENTS"></a><b>CONTENTS</b><br />
-<a href="#CHAPTER_I">CHAPTER I., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_II">II., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_III">III., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_IV">IV., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_V">V., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_VI">VI., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_VII">VII., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_VIII">VIII., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_IX">IX., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_X">X., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XI">XI., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XII">XII., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XIII">XIII., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XIV">XIV., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XV">XV., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XVI">XVI., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XVII">XVII., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XVIII">XVIII., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XIX">XIX., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XX">XX., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XXI">XXI., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XXII">XXII., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XXIII">XXIII., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XXIV">XXIV., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XXV">XXV., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XXVI">XXVI., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XXVII">XXVII., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XXVIII">XXVIII., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XXIX">XXIX., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XXX">XXX., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XXXI">XXXI., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XXXII">XXXII., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XXXIII">XXXIII., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XXXIV">XXXIV., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XXXV">XXXV., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XXXVI">XXXVI., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XXXVII">XXXVII., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XXXVIII">XXXVIII., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XXXIX">XXXIX., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XL">XL., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XLI">XLI., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XLII">XLII., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XLIII">XLIII., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XLIV">XLIV., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XLV">XLV., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XLVI">XLVI., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XLVII">XLVII., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XLVIII">XLVIII., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_XLIX">XLIX., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_L">L., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_LI">LI., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_LII">LII., </a>
-<a href="#CHAPTER_LIII">LIII., </a>
-</td></tr>
-</table>
-
-<p class="big">THE SORCERESS</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_I" id="CHAPTER_I"></a>CHAPTER I.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">It</span> was the most exciting event which had ever occurred in the family,
-and everything was affected by it.</p>
-
-<p>Imagine to yourselves such a young family, all in the very heyday of
-life, parents and children alike. It is true that Mrs. Kingsward was
-something of an invalid, but nobody believed that her illness was
-anything very serious, only a reason why she should be taken abroad, to
-one place after another, to the great enjoyment of the girls, who were
-never so happy as when they were travelling and gaining, as they said,
-experience of life. She was not yet forty, while Charlie was twenty-one
-and Bee nineteen, so that virtually they were all of the same age, so to
-speak, and enjoyed everything together&mdash;mamma by no means put aside into
-the ranks of the dowagers, but going everywhere and doing everything
-just like the rest, and as much admired as anyone.</p>
-
-<p>To be sure she had not been able to walk about so much this time, and
-had not danced once, except a single turn with Charlie, which brought on
-a palpitation, so that she declared with a laugh that her dancing days
-were over. Her dancing days over! Considering how fond she had always
-been of dancing, the three young people laughed over this, and did not
-take the least alarm. Mamma had always been the ringleader in
-everything, even in the romps with the little ones at home. For you must
-not think that these three were all of the family by any means.</p>
-
-<p>Bee and Betty were the eldest of I can’t at this moment tell how many,
-who were safe in the big nursery at Kingswarden under the charge (very
-partial) of papa, and the strict and steady rule of nurse, who was a
-personage of high authority in the house. Papa had but lately left “the
-elder ones,” as he called them, including his pretty wife&mdash;and had gone
-back to his work, which was that of an official at the Horse Guards, in
-some military department of which I don’t even know the name, for I
-doubt whether the Intelligence Department, which satisfies all the
-necessities of description, had been invented in those days.</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward was a distinguished officer, and the occasion of great
-<i>éclat</i> to the little group when he showed himself at their head,
-drawing round him a sort of cloud of foreign officers wherever he went,
-which Bee and Betty appreciated largely, and to which Mrs. Kingsward
-herself did not object; for they all liked the clank of spurs, as was
-natural, and the endless ranks of partners, attendants in the gardens,
-and general escort and retinue thus provided. It was not, however, among
-these officers, red, blue, green, and white&mdash;of all the colours in the
-rainbow&mdash;that Bee had found her fate. For I need scarcely say it was a
-proposal which had turned everything upside down and filled the little
-party with excitement.</p>
-
-<p>A proposal! The first in the family! Mamma’s head was as much turned by
-it as Bee’s. She lay on the sofa in her white dressing gown, so flushed
-with happiness and amusement and excitement, that you would have
-supposed it was she who was to be the bride.</p>
-
-<p>And then it was so satisfactory a thing all round. If ever Mrs.
-Kingsward had held anyone at arm’s length in her life it was a certain
-captain of Dragoons who had clanked about everywhere after her daughters
-and herself for three weeks past. The moment they had appeared anywhere,
-even at the springs, where she went to drink her morning glass of
-disagreeable warm water, at the concert in the afternoon, in “the rooms”
-at night, not to speak of every picnic and riding party, this tall
-figure would jump up like a jack-in-a-box. And there was no doubt that
-the girls were rather pleased than otherwise to see him jump up. He was
-six foot two at least, with a moustache nearly a yard long, curling in a
-tawny and powerful twist over his upper lip. He had half-a-dozen medals
-on his breast; his uniform was a compound of white and silver, with a
-helmet that literally blazed in the sun, and his spurs clanked louder
-than any other spurs in the gardens. The only thing that was wanting to
-him was a very little thing&mdash;a thing that an uninstructed English person
-might not have thought of at all&mdash;but which was a painful thing in his
-own troubled consciousness, and in that of the regiment, and even was
-doubtful to the English friends who had picked up, as was natural, all
-the prejudices of the class into which their own position brought them.</p>
-
-<p>Poor Captain Kreutzner, I blush to say it, had no “Von” to his name.
-Nobody could deny that he was a distinguished officer, the hope of the
-army in his branch of the service; but when Mrs. Kingsward thought how
-the Colonel would look if he heard his daughter announced as Madame
-Kreutzner <i>tout court</i> in a London drawing-room, her heart sank within
-her, and a cold perspiration came out upon her forehead. “And I don’t
-believe Bee would care,” she cried, turning to her son for sympathy.</p>
-
-<p>Charlie was so well brought up a young man that he cared very much, and
-gave his mother all the weight of his support. His office it was to
-beguile Captain Kreutzner as to the movements of the party, to keep off
-that bold dragoon as much as was possible; when, lo! all their
-precautions were rendered unnecessary by the arrival of the real man
-from quite another quarter, at once, and in a moment cutting the Captain
-out!</p>
-
-<p>There was one thing Mrs. Kingsward could never be sufficiently thankful
-for in the light of after events, and that was, that it was Colonel
-Kingsward himself who introduced Mr. Aubrey Leigh to the family. He was
-a young man who was travelling for the good of his health, or rather for
-the good of his mind, poor fellow, as might be seen at a glance. He was
-still in deep mourning when he presented himself at the hotel, and his
-countenance was as serious as his hatband. Nevertheless, he had not been
-long among them before Bee taught him how to smile, even to laugh,
-though at first with many hesitations and rapid resuming of a still
-deeper tinge of gravity, as if asking pardon of some beloved object for
-whom he would not permit even himself to suppose that he had ceased to
-mourn. This way he had of falling into sudden gravity continued with him
-even when it was evident that every decorum required from him that he
-should cease to mourn. Perhaps it was one of the things that most
-attracted Bee, who had a touch of the sentimental in her character, as
-all young ladies had in those days, when Mrs. Hemans and L. E. L. were
-the favourite poets whom young ladies were expected to read. Well
-brought up girls were not permitted, I need not say, to read Byron.
-Shelley was a name of fear, and the poems of Mr. Thomas Campbell, not to
-say Mr. Thomas Moore (carefully selected) were likely to promote that
-quality.</p>
-
-<p>The pale young man, with his black coat, his hatband, his look of
-melancholy, drove out the image of the Captain at once from Bee’s mind.
-She had perhaps had enough of captains, fine uniforms, spurs, and all.
-They had become what modern levity calls a drug in the market. They made
-<i>Fenster</i> parade all day long under her windows; they thronged upon her
-steps in the gardens; they tore the flounces from her tarlatan into
-pieces at the balls. It was something far more original to sit out in
-the moonlight and look at the moon with a sorrowful young hero, who
-gradually woke up into life under her hand. Poor, poor boy!&mdash;so young
-and so melancholy!&mdash;who had gone through so much!&mdash;who was really so
-handsome when the veil of grief began to blow away!&mdash;who had such a
-pretty name!</p>
-
-<p>Bee was only nineteen. She had mocked and charmed and laughed at a whole
-generation of young officers, thinking of nothing but picnics and dinner
-parties and balls. She wanted something new upon which to try her little
-hand&mdash;and now it was thrown, just when she felt the need, in her way.
-She had turned a young fool’s head several times, so that the operation
-had lost its charm. But to bring a sad man back to life, to drive away
-sorrow, to teach him to hold up his head again, to learn how sweet it
-was to live and smile, and ride and run about this beautiful world, and
-wake every day to a new pleasure&mdash;that was something she felt worthy of
-a woman’s powers. And she did it with such effect that Mr. Aubrey Leigh
-went on improving for three weeks more, and finally ended up with that
-proposal which was to the Kingsward family in general the most amusing,
-the most exciting, the most delightful incident in the world.</p>
-
-<p>And yet, of course, it was attended with a certain amount of anxiety
-which in her&mdash;temporarily&mdash;invalid state was not very good for mamma.
-Everybody insisted on all occasions that it was a most temporary state,
-and that by the end of the summer she would be all right&mdash;the
-palpitations quite calmed down, the flush&mdash;which made her so pretty&mdash;a
-little subdued, and herself as strong as ever. But in the meantime this
-delightful romantic incident, which certainly acted upon her like a
-glass of champagne, raising her spirits, brought her some care as well.
-Her first interview was of course with Bee, and took place in the
-privacy of her chamber, where she cross-examined her daughter as much as
-was compatible with the relations between them&mdash;- which indeed were
-rather those of companions and comrades than of mother and daughter.</p>
-
-<p>“Now, Bee, my dear child,” she said, “remember you have always been a
-little rover, and Mr. Leigh is so quiet. Do you think you really,
-really, can devote yourself to him, and never think of another man all
-your life?”</p>
-
-<p>“Mamma,” said Bee, “if you were not such a dear I should think you were
-very insulting. Another man! Why, where should I find another man in the
-world that was fit to tie Aubrey’s shoe?”</p>
-
-<p>“Well,” said Mrs. Kingsward, dubiously; but she added, after a moment,
-“You know, darling, that’s not quite the question. If you did find in
-the after ages a man that perhaps was&mdash;fit to tie Mr. Leigh’s shoe?”</p>
-
-<p>“Why in all this world, <i>petite mère</i>, will you go on calling him Mr.
-Leigh?”</p>
-
-<p>“Well, well,” said Mrs. Kingsward; “but I don’t feel,” she said again,
-after a moment’s hesitation, “that I ought to go so far as to call him
-Aubrey until we have heard from papa.”</p>
-
-<p>“What could papa find to object to?” said Bee. “Why, it was he who
-introduced him to us! We should not have known Aubrey, and I should
-never have been the happiest girl in the world, if it had not been for
-papa. Dear papa! I know what he’ll say: ‘I can’t understand, my dear,
-why you should hesitate for a moment. Of course, you don’t suppose I
-should have introduced Mr. Leigh to my family without first
-ascertaining, &amp;c., &amp;c.’ That, of course, is what papa will say.”</p>
-
-<p>“I dare say you are right, Bee. It is quite what I expect, for, of
-course, a man with girls knows what it is, though for my part I confess
-I always thought it would be a soldier&mdash;Captain Kreutzner or Otto
-von&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Mamma!” cried Bee, almost violently, light flashing out of the blue
-eyes, which were so bright even on ordinary occasions as to dazzle the
-beholder&mdash;you may imagine what fire came out of them now&mdash;“as if I
-should ever have looked twice at one of those big, brainless, clinking
-and clanking Germans. (N.B.&mdash;Mr. Aubrey Leigh was not tall.) No! Though
-I may like foreigners well enough because it’s amusing to talk their
-language and to feel that one has such an advantage in knowing German
-and all that&mdash;yet, when it comes to be a question of spending one’s
-life, an Englishman for me!”</p>
-
-<p>Thus, it will be seen, Bee forestalled the patriotic sentiments of a
-later generation by resolving, in spite of all temptations, to belong to
-other nations&mdash;to select an Englishman for her partner in life. It is
-doubtful, however, how far this virtuous resolution had existed in her
-mind before the advent of Aubrey Leigh.</p>
-
-<p>“I am sure I am very glad, Bee,” said her mother, “for I always had a
-dread that you would be snatched off somewhere to&mdash;Styria or Dalecarlia,
-or heaven knows where&mdash;(these were the first out-of-the-way names that
-came to Mrs. Kingsward’s mind; but I don’t know that they were
-altogether without reference or possibilities), where one would have had
-no chance of seeing you more than once in two or three years. I am very
-thankful it is to be an Englishman&mdash;or at least I shall be,” she added,
-with a sigh of suspense, “as soon as I have heard from papa&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“One would think, <i>Mütterchen</i>, that you were frightened for papa.”</p>
-
-<p>“I shouldn’t like you ever to try and go against him, Bee!”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, no,” said Bee, lightly, “of course I shouldn’t think of going
-against him&mdash;is the inquisition over?&mdash;for I promised,” she said, with a
-laugh and a blush, “to walk down with Aubrey as far as the river. He
-likes that so much better than those noisy blazing gardens, with no
-shade except under those stuffy trees&mdash;and so do I.”</p>
-
-<p>“Do you really, Bee? I thought you thought it was so nice sitting under
-the trees&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“With all the <i>gnadige</i> Fraus knitting, and all the <i>wohlgeborne</i> Herrs
-smoking. No, indeed, I always hated it!” said Bee.</p>
-
-<p>She jumped up from where she had been sitting on a stool by her mother’s
-sofa, and took her hat, which she had thrown down on the table. It was a
-broad, flexible, Leghorn hat, bought in Florence, with a broad blue
-ribbon&mdash;the colour of her eyes, as had often been said&mdash;floating in two
-long streamers behind. She had a sash of the same colour round the
-simple waist of her white frock. That is how girls were dressed in the
-early days of Victoria. These were the days of simplicity, and people
-liked it, seeing it was the fashion, as much as they liked crinolines
-and chignons when such ornamental arrangements “came in.” It does not
-become one period to boast itself over another, for fashion will still
-be lord&mdash;or lady&mdash;of all.</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Kingsward looked with real pleasure at her pretty daughter,
-thinking how well she looked. She wore very nearly the same costume
-herself, and she knew that it also looked very well on her. Bee’s eyes
-were shining, blazing with brightness and happiness and love and fun and
-youth. She was not a creature of perfect features, or matchless beauty,
-as all the heroines were in the novels of her day, and she was conscious
-of a great many shortcomings from that high standard. She was not tall
-enough&mdash;which, perhaps, however, in view of the defective stature of Mr.
-Aubrey Leigh was not so great a disadvantage&mdash;and she was neither fair
-enough nor dark enough for a Minna or a Brenda, the definite and
-distinct blonde and brunette, which were the ideal of the time; and she
-was not at all aware that her irregularity, and her mingling of styles,
-and her possession of no style in particular, were her great charms. She
-was not a great beauty, but she was a very pretty girl with the
-additional attraction of those blue diamonds of eyes, the sparkle of
-which, when my young lady was angry or when she was excited in any more
-pleasurable way, was a sight to see.</p>
-
-<p>“All that’s very well, my dear,” said Mrs. Kingsward, “but you’ve never
-answered my question: and I hope you’ll make quite, quite sure before
-it’s all settled that you do like Aubrey Leigh above everybody in the
-world.”</p>
-
-<p>“<i>A la bonne heure</i>,” said Bee; “you have called him Aubrey at last,
-without waiting to know what papa will say;” with which words she gave
-her mother a flying kiss, and was gone in a moment, thinking very
-little, it must be allowed, of what papa might say.</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Kingsward lay still for a little, and thought it all over after Bee
-was gone. She knew a little better than the others what her Colonel was,
-and that there were occasions on which he was not so easy to deal with
-as all the young ones supposed. She thought it all over from the moment
-that young Mr. Leigh had appeared on the scene. What a comfort it was
-to think that it was the Colonel himself who had introduced him! Of
-course, as Bee said, before presenting anyone to his wife and family,
-Colonel Kingsward would have ascertained, &amp;c., &amp;c. It was just how he
-would write no doubt. Still, a man may introduce another to his wife and
-family without being ready at once to accept him as a son-in-law. On the
-other hand, Colonel Kingsward knew well enough what is the possible
-penalty of such introductions. Young as Bee was, she had already
-attracted a good deal of attention, though this was the first time it
-had actually come to an offer. But Edward must surely have thought of
-that. She was, though it seemed so absurd, and though Bee had laughed at
-it, a little afraid of her husband. He had never had any occasion to be
-stern, yet he had it in him to be stern; and he would not hesitate to
-quench Bee’s young romance if he thought it right. And, on the other
-hand, Bee, though she was such a little thing, such a child, so full of
-fun and nonsense, had a spirit which would not yield as her mother’s
-did. Mrs. Kingsward drew another long fluttering sigh before she got up
-reluctantly in obedience to her maid, who came in with that other white
-gown, not unlike Bee’s, over her arm, to dress her mistress. She would
-have liked to lie still a little longer, to have finished the book she
-was reading, to have thought over the situation&mdash;anything, indeed, to
-justify her in keeping still upon the couch and being lazy, as she
-called it. Poor little mother! She had not been lazy, nor had the chance
-of being lazy much in her life. She had not begun to guess why it was
-she liked it so much now.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_II" id="CHAPTER_II"></a>CHAPTER II.</h2>
-
-<p>I <span class="smcap">have</span> now to explain how it was that Mr. Aubrey Leigh was so
-interesting and so melancholy, and thus awoke the friendship and
-compassion, and secured the ministrations of the Kingsward family. He
-was in deep mourning, for though he was only eight-and-twenty he was
-already a widower, and bereaved beside of his only child. Poor young
-man! He had married with every appearance of happiness and prosperity,
-but his wife had died at the end of the first year, leaving him with a
-baby on his inexperienced hands. He was a young man full of feeling,
-and, contrary to the advice of all his friends, he had shut himself up
-in his house in the country and dedicated himself to his child.
-Dedicated himself to a baby two months old!</p>
-
-<p>There was nobody who did not condemn this unnecessary self-sacrifice. He
-should have gone away; he should have left the child in the hands of its
-excellent nurse, under the supervision of that charming person who had
-been such a devoted nurse to dear Mrs. Leigh, and whom the desolate
-young widower had not the courage to send away from his house. Her
-presence there was a double reason, people said, why he should have gone
-away. For though his sorrow and trouble was so great that nobody for a
-moment supposed that he had any idea of such a thing, yet the presence
-of a lady, and of a lady still called by courtesy a young lady, though
-older than himself, and who could not be treated like a servant in his
-house, was embarrassing and not very seemly, everybody said. Suggestions
-were made to her that she should go away, but then she answered that she
-had nowhere to go to, and that she had promised to dear Amy never to
-forsake her child. The country ladies about who took an interest in the
-young man thought it was “just like” dear Amy, who had always been a
-rather silly young woman, to exact such a promise, but that Miss Lance
-would be quite justified in not keeping it, seeing the child had plenty
-of people to look after her&mdash;her grandmother within reach and her father
-dedicating himself to her.</p>
-
-<p>Miss Lance, however, did not see her duty in the same way; indeed, after
-the poor little child died&mdash;and there was no doubt she had been
-invaluable during its illness, and devoted herself to it as she had done
-to its mother&mdash;she stayed on still at Leigh Court, though now at last
-poor Aubrey was persuaded to go away. The mind of the county was
-relieved beyond description when at last he departed on his travels.
-These good people did not at all want to get up any scandal in their
-midst. They did not very much blame Miss Lance for declining to give up
-a comfortable home. They only felt it was dreadfully awkward and that
-something should be done about it, though nobody knew what to do. He had
-left home nearly six months before he appeared at the Baths with that
-letter to Mrs. Kingsward in his pocket, and the change and the travel
-had done him good.</p>
-
-<p>A young man of twenty-eight cannot go mourning all the days of his life
-for a baby of eight months old, and he had already begun to “get over”
-the death of his wife before the second event occurred. This troublous
-beginning of his life had left him very sad, with something of the
-feeling of a victim, far more badly treated than most in the beginning
-of his career. But this is not like real grief, which holds a man’s
-heart with a grip of steel. And he was in the stage when a man is ready
-to be consoled when Bee’s blue eyes first flashed upon him. The
-Kingswards had received him in these circumstances with more <i>abandon</i>
-than they would have done in any other. He was so melancholy; his
-confidences, when he began to make them, were so touching; his waking up
-to interest and happiness so delightful to see. And thus, before anyone
-had thoroughly realized it, the deed was done. They knew nothing about
-Miss Lance&mdash;as how should they?&mdash;and what could she have had to do with
-it if they had known?</p>
-
-<p>So there really was nothing but that doubt of Colonel Kingsward’s
-approval to alloy the pleasure of the party, and it was only Mrs.
-Kingsward who thought of it. Charlie pooh-poohed the idea altogether. “I
-think I should know my father better than anyone,” the young man said,
-with much scorn of his mother’s hesitation. He was very fond and very
-proud of his mother, but felt that as a man himself, he probably
-understood papa better than the ladies could. “Of course he will
-approve; why shouldn’t he approve? Leigh is a very decent fellow, though
-I don’t think all the world of him, as you girls do. Papa, of course,
-knew exactly what sort of a fellow he was; a little too quiet&mdash;not Bee’s
-sort at all. No, you may clamour as you like, but he’s not in the least
-Bee’s sort&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“I’m supposed to prefer a noisy trooper, I believe,” said Bee.</p>
-
-<p>“Well, I should have said that was more like it&mdash;but mind you, the
-governor would never have sent us out a man here who was not good enough
-for anything. Oh, I understand the old boy!”</p>
-
-<p>“Charlie, how dare you?” cried his mother; but the horror was modified
-by a laugh, for anything more unlike an old boy than Colonel Kingsward
-it would not have been very easy to conceive.</p>
-
-<p>“Well, mamma, you wouldn’t have me call him my honoured father, would
-you?” the young man said. He was at Oxford, and he thought himself on
-the whole not only by far the most solid and serious member of the
-present party, but on the whole rather more experienced in the world
-than the gentleman whom in the bosom of the family he still condescended
-to call “papa.”</p>
-
-<p>As for little Betty, who up to this time had been Bee’s shadow, and who
-had not yet begun to feel herself <i>de trop</i>, she, no more than her
-sister, was moved by any of these cares. She was wholly occupied in
-studying the new thing which had suddenly started into being before her
-eyes. Betty was of opinion that it was entirely got up for her amusement
-and instruction. When she and Bee were alone, she never ceased in her
-interrogatory. “Oh, Bee, when did you first begin to think about him
-like that? Oh, Bee, how did you first find out that he was thinking
-about you? Oh, Bee, don’t you mind that he was once in love before?”
-Such were the questions that poured in an incessant stream into Bee’s
-ears. That young lady was equal to them all, and she was not unwilling
-to let her sister share more or less in the new enlightenment that had
-come to herself.</p>
-
-<p>“When did I first begin to think of him?” she said. “Oh, Betty, the
-first minute I saw him coming through the garden with Charlie to speak
-to mamma! There were all those horrid men about, you remember, in those
-gaudy uniforms, and their swords and spurs, and so forth&mdash;such dreadful
-bad taste in foreigners always to be in uniform&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“But, Bee,” cried Betty, “why, I’ve heard you say&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, never mind what you’ve heard me say! I’ve been silly, I suppose, in
-my day, like almost everybody. Aubrey says he cannot think how they can
-live, always done up in those hot, stiff clothes&mdash;none of the ease of
-Englishmen about them.”</p>
-
-<p>“Papa says they are such soldier-like men,” says little Betty, who had
-not been converted from the <i>regime</i> of the officers, like Bee.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, well, papa&mdash;he is an officer himself, but he never wears his
-uniform when he can help it, you know.”</p>
-
-<p>“Well,” said Betty, “you may say what you like&mdash;for my part, I do love a
-nice uniform. I don’t want ever again to dance with a man in a black
-coat. But Bee, you’re too bad&mdash;you won’t say a word, and I want so to
-know how it all came about. What put it into your head? And what did you
-say to one another? And was it he that began first&mdash;or was it you?”</p>
-
-<p>“You little dreadful thing,” said Bee; “how could a girl ever begin? It
-shows how little you know! Of course he began; but we didn’t begin at
-all,” she said, after a pause, “it just came&mdash;all in a moment when I
-wasn’t thinking, and neither was he.”</p>
-
-<p>“Do you mean to say that he didn’t intend to propose to you?” said
-Betty, growing pale.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh!” said Bee, impatient, “as if proposing was all! Do you think he
-just came out with it point blank&mdash;‘Miss Kingsward, will you marry me?’&nbsp;”</p>
-
-<p>“Well,” said Betty: “what did he say then if he didn’t say that?”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, you little goose!” said Bee.</p>
-
-<p>“I am sure if he had said ‘Oh, you little goose’ to me,” said Betty, “I
-should never have spoken a word to him again.”</p>
-
-<p>“It is no use talking to little girls,” said Bee, with a sigh. “You
-don’t understand; and, to be sure, how could you understand&mdash;at your age
-and all?”</p>
-
-<p>“Age!” said Betty, indignant, “there is but fifteen months between us,
-and I’ve always done everything with you. We’ve always had on new things
-together, and gone to the same places and everything. It is you that are
-very unkind now you have got engaged; and I do believe you like this big
-horrid man better than me.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, you little goose!” said Bee, again.</p>
-
-<p>“No, it isn’t a big but a little, horrid man. I made a mistake,” said
-Betty, “not like Captain Kreutzner that you used to like so much. It’s
-small people you care for now; not your own nice people like me and
-mamma, but a man that you had never heard the name of when you first
-came here, and now you quote and praise him, and make the most
-ridiculous fuss about him, even to Charlie, who is far
-nicer-looking!&mdash;and won’t even tell your sister what he says!”</p>
-
-<p>This argument came to so high a tone that mamma called out from her room
-to know what was amiss. “It does not become you girls to carry on your
-old scuffles and quarrels,” she said, “now that one of you, at least, is
-so grown up and about to take upon herself the responsibilities of
-life.”</p>
-
-<p>“Is Aubrey a responsibility?” Betty whispered in her sister’s ears.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, you little silly thing!” Bee replied; and presently Mrs.
-Kingsward’s maid came in to say that Mr. Leigh was in the sitting-room,
-and would Miss Bee go to him as her mistress was not ready; for this was
-the little fiction that was kept up in those days before Colonel
-Kingsward’s letter had been received. It will be seen, however, that it
-was but a fiction, and that as a matter of fact there was very little
-restraint put on the young people’s intercourse. “You must not consider
-that anything is settled; you must not think there’s any engagement,”
-Mrs. Kingsward had said. “Indeed, indeed, I cannot take upon me to
-sanction anything till I hear from her papa.” But virtually they met as
-much as they liked, and even indulged in little talks apart, and
-meetings by themselves, before Mrs. Kingsward was ready; so that as a
-matter of fact this restriction did very little harm.</p>
-
-<p>And in due time Colonel Kingsward’s letter was received, and it was not
-unfavourable. The Colonel said that, on the whole, he should have
-preferred it had Mr. Leigh waited till they had all returned home. It
-would have been a seemly forbearance, and saved Mrs. Kingsward a great
-deal of anxiety; but as matters stood and as his dear wife approved, and
-he heard nothing but good of Mr. Leigh, he would not withdraw the
-provisional consent which she seemed to have given. “It will be
-expedient in the circumstances that you should all return home as soon
-as possible, that I may go into matters with the young man,” the Colonel
-added in that part of his letter which was not intended to be read to
-Aubrey Leigh. And he added, as Bee had prophesied, “You might have been
-sure that I should not introduce a young man to my family, and to
-yourself, my dear, without ascertaining previously,” etc., etc., just as
-Bee had said. He added, “Of course I never contemplated anything of this
-sort: but one can never tell what may happen when young people are
-thrown together. The property is a good one, and the young man
-unexceptionable, from all I can hear.” Then Mrs. Kingsward’s mind was
-set at ease. It seemed to Bee that her father might have said something
-on the subject of her happiness, and acknowledged Aubrey to be something
-more than an unexceptionable young man. It was inconceivable, she
-thought to herself, how cool people are when they come to that age. The
-property good, and the young man unexceptionable&mdash;was that all? Did papa
-take no more interest than that? But at all events the engagement was
-now quite permitted and acknowledged, and they might walk out together
-all day, and dance together all night, without a word said; for which
-Bee forgave and instantly forgot&mdash;it was really of so little
-importance&mdash;the coolness of papa.</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Kingsward’s “cure” was over, and by this time most people were
-leaving the Bath. Our party made their preparations for leaving too, in
-the pleasantest way. It was not to be at all a rapid journey, which
-would not have been good for Mrs. Kingsward. They were to make their way
-at leisure from one beautiful old city to another across the breadth of
-Germany, staying a day here and a day there, travelling for the most
-part in a large, old-fashioned carriage, such as was the custom then,
-with a wide-hooded seat in front, like the <i>banquette</i> of a French
-diligence, in which two people could be extremely happy, seeing the
-scenery much better than those inside could do, or perhaps not seeing
-the scenery at all, but occupying each other quite as agreeably with the
-endless talk of lovers, which is not interesting to anybody but
-themselves. Before they set out upon this journey, however, which was to
-hold so great a place in Bee’s life, a little incident occurred to her
-which did not appear to be of very much consequence, but which made some
-impression on her mind at the time, and vaguely appeared afterwards to
-throw light on various other events. The German Bath at which the
-little story of her love took place is surrounded with woods&mdash;woods of a
-kind that are never seen anywhere else, though they are the special
-feature of German Baths. They are chiefly composed of fir trees, and
-they are arranged upon the most strictly mathematical principles, with
-that precision which is dear to the German mind, row upon row standing
-close together, as if they had been stuck in so at their present height,
-with so many cubit feet of air to each, as in the London lodging-houses.
-They are traversed by broad roads, with benches at intervals, and at
-each corner there is a wooden board on which is painted indications how
-to find the nearest <i>restauration</i> where beer is to be had, and the veal
-of the country&mdash;for the German, in his hours of ease and amusement, has
-continual occasion to be “restored.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee had gone out early in the morning to make a little sketch of an
-opening in the trees through which a village spire was visible. There
-were not many points for the artist in landscape, especially one of such
-moderate powers as Bee, and she was very anxious to finish this to
-present it, I need scarcely say, to Aubrey, as a memento of the place.
-Probably there was some other sentimental reason&mdash;such as that they had
-first spoken words of special meaning there, or had first exchanged
-looks that were of importance in their idyll, or some other incident of
-equal weight. She was seated on one of the benches, with her little
-colour box and bottle of water, giving the finishing touches to her
-sketch. Sooth to say, Bee was no great performer, and the ranks of the
-dark trees standing arithmetically apart to permit of that little
-glimpse of distance, were too much for her. They looked in her sketch
-like two dark green precipices rather than like trees, and had come to a
-very difficult point, when a lady coming along by one of the side walks,
-round the corner past the <i>restauration</i>, suddenly sat down by Bee’s
-side and startled her a little. She was not a girl who was easily
-frightened, but the suddenness of the apparition out of the silent
-morning when she had thought nobody was in sight was a little startling
-and made her hand shake.</p>
-
-<p>“I hope I am not intruding upon you,” the lady said.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, no!” said Bee, looking up with her bright face. She was as fresh as
-the morning in her broad Leghorn hat with the blue ribbon, and her eyes
-that danced and sparkled. The stranger by her side was much older than
-Bee. She was a handsome woman; dark, with fine eyes, too, a sidelong
-look in them, and a curious half smile which was like La Gioconda, that
-famous picture Bee had seen in the Louvre, as we all have. She thought
-of La Gioconda at once, when she looked up into the lady’s face. She was
-entirely dressed in black, and there could not have been found anywhere
-a more perfect contrast to Bee.</p>
-
-<p>They got into conversation quite easily, for Bee was a girl who loved to
-talk. The lady gave her several hints about her little picture which Bee
-knew enough to know were dictated by superior knowledge, and then they
-got talking quite naturally about the place and the people who were
-there. After they had discussed the society and the number of English
-people at the Bath, and Bee had disclosed the hotel at which she was
-staying, and many details of her innocent life, which she was not at all
-conscious of disclosing&mdash;the stranger began to inquire about various
-people. It was not by any means at once that she introduced the name of
-Leigh; not indeed till she had been over the Reynoldses, and the
-Gainsboroughs, and the Collinses, under Bee’s exultant guidance and fine
-power of narrative; then she said tentatively, that there was she
-believed, at one of the hotels, a family of Leighs.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh!” cried Bee, her countenance flushing over with a sudden brilliant
-delightful blush, which seemed to envelop her from top to toe. She had
-been looking up into her companion’s face so that the stranger got the
-full benefit of this sudden resplendent change of colour. She then
-turned very demurely to her sketch, and said meekly, “I don’t know any
-family, but there is a Mr. Leigh at our hotel.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh,” said the lady, but in a very different tone from Bee’s startled
-“oh!” She said it coldly, as if recording a fact. “I thought,” she said,
-“it was the Leighs of Hurstleigh, friends of mine. I may have been
-deceived by seeing the name in the lists.”</p>
-
-<p>“But I think, indeed I am sure, that Mr. Aubrey Leigh is connected with
-the Leighs of Hurstleigh,” Bee said.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, a young man, a widower, an inconsolable; I think I remember hearing
-of him. Is that the man?”</p>
-
-<p>“I don’t know if he is an inconsolable,” cried Bee, with a quick
-movement of anger and then she thought how foolish that was, for of
-course a stranger like this could have no unkind meaning. She added with
-great gravity, “It is quite true that he has been married before.”</p>
-
-<p>Poor little Bee, she was not at all aware how she was betraying herself.
-She was more vexed and indignant than words can say, when the woman (who
-after all could not be a lady) burst into a laugh. “Oh! I think I can
-see how matters stand with Aubrey Leigh,” this impertinent intruder
-cried.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_III" id="CHAPTER_III"></a>CHAPTER III.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">It</span> was just two days after the interview in the wood described above,
-that the Kingsward party got under weigh for home, accompanied, I need
-not say, by Aubrey Leigh. Bee had not told him of that chance meeting,
-restrained I do not know by what indefinite feeling that he would not
-care to hear of it, and also by the sensation that she had as good as
-told the lady, who was so disagreeable and impertinent as to laugh, what
-change had taken place in Aubrey’s sentiments, and what she had herself
-to do with that change. It was so silly, oh, so silly of her, and yet
-she had said nothing, or next to nothing. And there was no reason why
-she should not have said whatever she pleased, now that the engagement
-was fully acknowledged and known; indeed, if that woman were in any
-society at all, she must have heard of it, seeing that, as Bee was
-aware, not without pleasure, it had afforded a very agreeable diversion
-to the floating community, a pleasant episode in the tittle-tattle of
-the gardens and the wells. Bee had no absurd objection to being talked
-of. She knew that in her condition of life, which was so entirely
-satisfactory as a condition, everything that concerned a family was
-talked over and universally known. It was a thing inevitable to a
-certain position, and a due homage of society to its members. But
-somehow she did not mention it to Aubrey, nor, indeed, to anyone, which
-was a very unusual amount of reticence. She did not even give him the
-sketch, though it was finished. She had been quite grateful for that
-person’s hints at the time, and eagerly had taken advantage of them to
-improve her drawing; but it seemed to her, when she looked at it now,
-that it was not her own at all, that the other hand was so visible in it
-that it would be almost dishonest to call it hers. This, of course, was
-wholly fantastic, for even supposing that person to have given valuable
-hints, she had never touched the sketch, and Bee alone had carried them
-out. But, anyhow, her heart sickened at it, and she thrust it away at
-the very bottom of the box that Moulsey was packing. She had no desire
-to see the horrid thing again.</p>
-
-<p>In a day or two, however, Bee had altogether forgotten that interview in
-the wood. She had so many things to occupy her mind. There were few
-railways in those days, and the party had a long way to travel before
-they came to Cologne, where that method of travelling began. They all
-felt that common life would re-commence there and their delightful
-wandering would be over. In the meantime, there was a long interval of
-pleasure before them. The early breakfast at the hotel in the first
-hours of the autumnal morning, the fun of packing everyone away in the
-big coach, the books to be brought out to fill up corners, both of time
-and space, and “Murray” then alone in his glory, with no competitive
-American, no Badæker, no Joanne, to share his reign&mdash;spread out open at
-the right place, so that mamma inside should be able to lay her finger
-at once upon any village or castle that struck her&mdash;and above all the
-contrivances to be carried out for securing the <i>banquette</i>, as Bee
-said, for “ourselves,” made a lively beginning. Charlie and Betty
-sometimes managed to secure this favourite place if the attention of the
-others flagged for a moment, and though mamma generally interposed with
-a nod or a whisper to restore it to the privileged pair, sometimes she
-was mischievous too, and consented to their deprivation, and desired
-them for once to keep her company inside. She generally, however,
-repented of this before the day was over, and begged that their
-favourite seat might be restored to them.</p>
-
-<p>“For they are really no fun at all,” the poor lady said. “I might as
-well have two images from Madame Tussaud’s.”</p>
-
-<p>“It had been a little hard upon Aubrey at the moment of their departure
-to find half the garrison round the carriage, and bouquets enough to
-fill a separate vehicle thrust into every corner, the homage of those
-warriors to the gracious ladies. He had been very cross, and had made a
-great exhibition of himself, especially when Captain Kreutzner’s faggot
-of forget-me-nots, tied with a ribbon like that on Bee’s hat, had been
-presented with indescribable looks. What did the fellow mean by bringing
-forget-me-nots? He wanted to pitch it out of the window as soon as they
-were fairly started.</p>
-
-<p>“What an idiotic custom!” he cried. “What do the fools think you want
-with such loads of flowers when you are starting on a journey?”</p>
-
-<p>“Why, it is just then you do want them,” cried Betty, who had a dozen or
-so to her own share, “to smell sweet and show us how much our friends
-think of us.”</p>
-
-<p>“They will not smell sweet very long, and then what will your friends
-think of you?” said the angry lover.</p>
-
-<p>Was it possible that Bee was detaching a little knot of the blue flowers
-to put in her waistband? Bee, Bee! his own property, who had no right so
-much as to look at another man’s flowers! And what did she do, seeing
-the cloud upon his face, but arrange another little bouquet, which,
-with her sweetest smile&mdash;the little coquette&mdash;she endeavoured to put
-into his, Aubrey’s, button-hole! He snatched them out of her hand in a
-sort of fury. “Do you want me never to forget that heavy brute of a
-German?” he cried, in his indignation. “You may put him near your heart,
-but I should like to kick him!” These very natural sentiments made Bee
-laugh&mdash;which was cruel: but then poor Captain Kreutzner had been blotted
-out of her life some time ago, and knew his fate, and had really no
-right whatever to present her with these particular flowers. His lovely
-bouquet with its blue ribbon was given to a girl in the first village,
-and awakened the still more furious jealousy of another swain who was
-less easily appeased than Aubrey; but this <i>ricochet</i> was not thought of
-by the first and principal pair.</p>
-
-<p>There was not perhaps so many remarkable features in that journey as if
-it had been through Italy. There were great plains to traverse, where
-the chief sights were cottages and farmhouses, women going by with great
-loads of freshly cut grass full of flowers on their heads, fodder for
-the home-dwelling cows&mdash;or men carrying their hops clinging to the
-pole, to be picked at home, or long straggling branches of the tobacco
-plant; and in the evening the postillion would whip up his horses, and
-Charlie in the <i>banquette</i>, or John, the manservant, in the rumble,
-would tootle upon a horn which the former had acquired clandestinely
-before the party set out&mdash;as they dashed through a village or little
-town with lighted windows, affording them many a flying peep of the
-domestic life of those tranquil places. And in the middle of the day
-they stopped to rest somewhere, where the invariable veal was to be
-found at some Guest-house a little better than the ordinary, where
-perhaps a bigger village stood with all its high peaked stream: and at
-night rattled into an old walled town with shadowy high houses which
-belonged to the fourteenth century, and had not changed a whit since
-that time. There they stayed a day or two, varying the confinement of
-the coach by a course through everything that was to be seen, setting
-out in a party through the roughly-paved streets, but parting company
-before long, so that Aubrey and Bee would find themselves alone in the
-shelter of a church or in an insignificant corner by the walls, while
-the others pursued their sightseeing conscientiously.</p>
-
-<p>“As for me, what I like is the general aspect,” said Bee, with an air of
-superiority. “I don’t care to poke into every corner, and Aubrey knows
-the history, which is the chief thing.”</p>
-
-<p>“Are they talking all the time of the history?” said Betty, overawed.</p>
-
-<p>But this perhaps, was not the opinion of Charlie and mamma. No, they did
-not care very much for the history. People are bad travellers in that
-stage of life. They are too much interested in their own history. They
-went about like a pair of Philistines through all these ancient streets,
-talking of nothing but the things of to-day. The most serious part of
-their talk was about the home in the depths of England in which they
-were henceforth to spend their lives. Aubrey had ideas about
-re-furnishing&mdash;about making everything new. It would be impossible to
-tell the reader how bad was the taste of the time, and with what
-terrible articles of furniture he proposed to replace the spindle legs
-and marquetry of his grandfathers. But then these things were the
-fashion, and supposed to be the best things of the time. To hear them
-talking of sofas and curtains, and of the colour for the boudoir and the
-hangings of the drawing-room in the midst of all those graceful old
-places, was inconceivable. You would have said the stupidest,
-unimpressionable pair, talking of ugly modern English furniture, when
-they should have been noting the old world of Nuremberg&mdash;the unchanging
-mediæval city. But you must remember that the furniture was only a
-symbol of their love and their new life, and all the blessedness of
-being together, and the endless delights of every day. The sofas and the
-curtains meant the <i>Vita Nuova</i>, and the refurnishing of the old house a
-beautiful fabric of all the honour and the joy of life.</p>
-
-<p>Then came the great river, and the progress down its shining stream, and
-between those beautiful banks, where again they made several pauses to
-enjoy the scenery. The Rhine is not now the river it was then. It was
-still the great river of romance in those days&mdash;Byron had been there,
-and the young people remembered Roland and his tower, with his love in
-the white convent opposite, and felt a shudder at the thought of the
-Lorelei as they floated under the high and gloomy bank. I doubt,
-however, whether the lovers thought much even of these things. They were
-busy just now about the gardens, which Bee was fully minded to remodel
-and fill with everything that was new and delightful in the way of
-flowers.</p>
-
-<p>“I shall have masses of colour about the terrace, and every spot
-covered. I wonder which you like best, majolica vases or rustic
-baskets?” Bee was saying, when her mother called her to point out the
-Platz and Bishop Hatto’s tower.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, yes, mamma, it’s very pretty. But you like clematis, Aubrey, for
-the balustrade&mdash;to wind in and out of the pillars. Yes, yes, I can see
-it well enough. I like every kind of clematis, even the common one, the
-traveller’s joy&mdash;and it would hang down, you know, over that old bit of
-wall you told me of. Do go forward, Aubrey, and let them see you are
-taking an interest. I do see it all quite well, and it is very romantic,
-and we are quite enjoying it I can assure you, mamma.”</p>
-
-<p>This was how they made their way down stream; in the moonlight nights
-they ceased to talk of practical matters, and went back to the history
-of their loves.</p>
-
-<p>“Do you remember, Bee, that first time in the wood&mdash;&mdash;?”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Aubrey, don’t you recollect that drive coming back in the
-dark&mdash;before I knew&mdash;&mdash;?”</p>
-
-<p>“But you always did know from the very beginning, Bee?”</p>
-
-<p>“Well, perhaps I suspected&mdash;and used to think&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“You darling, what did you think?&mdash;and did you really care&mdash;as early as
-that?”</p>
-
-<p>They went on like this whatever happened outside, giving a careless
-glance at the heights, at the towers, at the robbers’ castle above and
-the little villages below; not so much as looking at them, and yet
-remembering them ever after, enclosing the flow of their young lives, as
-it were, in that strong flowing of the Rhine, noting nothing and yet
-seeing everything with the double sight which people possess at the
-highest moment and crisis of their career. They came at length to
-Cologne, where this enchanted voyage was more or less to end. To be
-sure, they were still to be together; but only in the railway, with all
-the others round them, hearing more or less what they said. They said
-good-bye to the Rhine with a little sentiment, a delightful little
-sadness full of pleasure.</p>
-
-<p>“Shall we ever be so happy again?” said Bee, with a sigh.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, yes, my sweet, a hundred times, and happier, and happier,” said the
-young man; and thus they were assured it was to be.</p>
-
-<p>I don’t think any of them ever forgot that arrival at Cologne. They came
-into sight of the town just in the evening, when the last glow of sunset
-was still burning upon the great river, but lights beginning to show in
-the windows, and glimmering reflected in the water. The Cathedral was
-not completed then, and a crane, like some strange weird animal stood
-out against the sky upon the top of the tower. The hotel to which they
-were going had a covered terrace upon the river with lights gleaming
-through the green leaves. They decided they would have their table
-there, and dine with all that darkling panorama before their eyes
-through the veil of the foliage, the glowing water, the boats moving and
-passing, with now and then a raft coming down from the upper stream, and
-the bridge of boats opening to give passage to a fuming fretting
-steamboat. Aubrey and Bee went hand in hand up the steps; nobody noticed
-in the half dark how close they were together. They parted with a close
-pressure of warm hands.</p>
-
-<p>“Don’t be long, darling,” he said, as they parted, only for a moment,
-only to prepare a little for the evening, to slip into a fresh dress, to
-take out a new ribbon, to make one’s youthful self as fair as such
-unnecessary adjuncts permitted.</p>
-
-<p>But what did Aubrey care for a new ribbon? The only blue he thought of
-was that in Bee’s eyes.</p>
-
-<p>I do not think she was more than ten minutes over these little changes.
-She dressed like a flash of lightning, Betty said, who could not find
-her own things half so quickly, Moulsey being occupied with mamma. Such
-a short moment not worth counting, and yet enough, more than enough, to
-change a whole life!</p>
-
-<p>Bee ran down as light as air to the sitting-room which had been engaged
-for the party. She felt sure that Aubrey would hurry, too, so as to have
-a word before dinner, before the rest were ready&mdash;as if the whole day
-had not been one long word, running through everything. She came lightly
-to the door of the room in her fresh frock and her blue ribbons, walking
-on air, knowing no shadow of any obstacle before her or cloud upon the
-joyful triumphant sky. She did not even hear the sound of the subdued
-voices, her faint little sob, strangest of all sounds at such a moment,
-which seemed to come out to meet her as she opened the door. Bee opened
-it wondering only if Aubrey were there, thinking of some jibe to address
-to him about the length of time men took to their toilettes, if she
-happened to be ready first.</p>
-
-<p>She was very much startled by what she saw. Her mother, still in her
-travelling dress, sat by the table with a letter open in her hands. She
-had not made any preparation for dinner&mdash;she, usually so dainty, so
-anxious to get rid of the cloaks and of the soils of the journey. She
-had taken off her hat, which lay on the table, but was still enveloped
-in the shawl which she had put on to keep off the evening chills. As for
-Aubrey, he was exactly as he had been when they parted with him, except
-that all the light had gone out of his face. He was very pale, and he,
-too, had a letter in his hand. He uttered a stifled exclamation when he
-saw Bee at the door, and, lifting his arms as though in protest against
-something intolerable, walked away to the other end of the room.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Bee,” said Mrs. Kingsward, “Oh, go away, my dear, go away! I
-mean&mdash;get something to eat, you and Charlie, and Betty, and then get to
-bed. Get to bed! I am too tired to take anything, and I am going
-upstairs at once.”</p>
-
-<p>“I thought you had been upstairs, mamma, half-an-hour ago. What is the
-matter? You look like a ghost, and so does Aubrey. Has anything
-happened? Mamma, you won’t look at me, and Aubrey turns his back. What
-have I done? Is it anything about me?”</p>
-
-<p>“What nonsense, child!” said Mrs. Kingsward, with a pretence at a smile.
-“What could you have to do with it? We have both&mdash;Mr. Leigh and
-myself&mdash;found letters, and we are busy reading them. I am sure the
-dinner must be served. We ordered it in the balcony, don’t you remember?
-Run away and make Charlie and Betty sit down at once. I am too tired.
-Moulsey will run down in a little and get something for me.”</p>
-
-<p>“Mamma,” said Bee, “you cannot make up a story. Something has happened,
-I am sure of it; and it is something about me.”</p>
-
-<p>“Nonsense, child! Go away and have your dinner. I would come if I could.
-Don’t you see what a budget of letters I have got? And some of them I
-must answer to-night.”</p>
-
-<p>“Have you letters, too, Aubrey?” said Bee, in her amazement, standing
-still as she had paused, arrested by the sight of them, just within the
-door.</p>
-
-<p>“Bee, I must beg you will not put any questions; go and do what I tell
-you; your brother and sister will be coming downstairs. Yes, of course,
-you can see that Mr. Leigh has his letters to read as well as I.”</p>
-
-<p>“Mr. Leigh! I wonder if we have all gone mad, or what is the matter?
-Aubrey! tell me&mdash;you, at least, if mamma won’t. You must have had a
-quarrel. Mamma, why do you call him Mr. Leigh?”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, for goodness sake, Bee, go away.”</p>
-
-<p>“I am not going away,” cried the girl. “You have had a quarrel about
-something. Come, mamma, you must not quarrel with Aubrey&mdash;if he has done
-something wrong or said something silly, I will answer for him, he never
-intended it. Aubrey, what do you mean, sir, turning your back both on
-mamma and me? Come here, quick, and ask her pardon, and say you will
-never do it again.”</p>
-
-<p>Poor little Bee’s heart was fluttering, but she would not allow herself
-to believe there was anything really wrong. She went close up to her
-mother and stood by her, with a hand upon her shoulder. “Aubrey!” she
-said, “never mind if you are wrong or not, come and beg mamma’s pardon,
-and she will forgive you. There must not&mdash;there must not&mdash;oh, it is too
-ridiculous!&mdash;be anything wrong between mamma and you. Aubrey!”</p>
-
-<p>He turned round slowly and faced them both with a face so pale that Bee
-stopped short with a gasp, and could not say a word more. Mrs. Kingsward
-had buried her face in her hands. Bee looked from one to the other with
-a dismay which she could not explain to herself. “Oh, what is the
-matter? What is the matter?” she said.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IV" id="CHAPTER_IV"></a>CHAPTER IV.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">There</span> was no merry dinner that night in the verandah of the hotel under
-the clinging wreaths of green. Mrs. Kingsward went up to her room still
-with her heavy shawl about her shoulders which she had forgotten, though
-it added something to her discomfort&mdash;followed by Bee, pale and rigid,
-offering no help, following her mother like an angry shadow. Charlie and
-Betty met them on the stairs and stood aside in consternation, unable to
-conceive what had happened. Mrs. Kingsward gave them a sort of troubled
-smile and said: “Get your dinner, dears; don’t wait for us. I am too
-tired to come down to-night.”</p>
-
-<p>“But, mamma&mdash;&mdash;” they both began in remonstrance.</p>
-
-<p>“Go down and get your dinner,” said Mrs. Kingsward, peremptorily.</p>
-
-<p>As for Bee, she did not look at them at all. Her eyes were fierce with
-some sentiment which Betty could not divine, and angry, blazing, as if
-they might have set light to the hotel.</p>
-
-<p>Little Betty pressed against Charlie’s side as they went down, startled
-and alarmed. “Bee has had a quarrel with mamma,” she whispered, in tones
-of awe.</p>
-
-<p>“That’s impossible,” said Charlie.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, no, it’s not impossible. There was once&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>It comforted them both a little in the awful circumstances that such a
-thing had perhaps happened before. They went very silently and much cast
-down to that table in the verandah, whither obsequious waiters beckoned
-them, and contemplated with dismay all the plates laid, all the glitter
-of the lamps and the glasses.</p>
-
-<p>“I suppose we must not wait for them as they said so,” said Charlie,
-sitting down in his place at the bottom of the table. “Tell Mr.
-Leigh&mdash;that is the other gentleman&mdash;that we are ready.”</p>
-
-<p>“The other gentleman, sir,” said the waiter, who was the pride of the
-establishment for his English, “has gone out.”</p>
-
-<p>“Gone out!” said Charlie. He could only stare at Betty and she at him,
-not knowing what to think.</p>
-
-<p>“He has had his letters, too, sir,” said the waiter in a significant
-tone.</p>
-
-<p>His letters! What could that have to do with it? Charlie also had had
-his letters, one of them a bill which he did not view with any
-satisfaction; but even at twenty-one a man already learns to disguise
-his feelings, and sits down to dinner cheerfully though he has received
-a bill by the post. Charlie’s mind at first could not perceive any
-connection between Bee’s withdrawal upstairs and Aubrey’s disappearance.
-It was Betty who suggested, sitting down very close to him, that it
-looked as if Aubrey and Bee had quarrelled too.</p>
-
-<p>“Perhaps that is what it is,” she said, as if she had found out a
-satisfactory reason. “Lovers always quarrel; and mamma will have taken
-Aubrey’s part, and Bee will be so angry, and feel as if she could never
-forgive him. There, that is what it must be.”</p>
-
-<p>“A man may quarrel with his sweetheart,” said Charlie, severely, “but he
-needn’t spoil other people’s dinner for that;” however, they comforted
-themselves that this was the most likely explanation, and that all would
-come right in the morning. And they were very young and hungry, having
-eaten nothing since the veal at one o’clock. And these two made on the
-whole a very satisfactory meal.</p>
-
-<p>The scene upstairs was very different. Mrs. Kingsward sent Moulsey away
-on pretence of getting her some tea, and then turned to her daughter who
-stood by the dressing-table and stared blankly, without seeing anything,
-into those mysterious depths of the glass which are so suggestive to
-people in trouble. She said, faintly, “Bee, I would so much rather you
-would not ask me any more questions to-night.”</p>
-
-<p>“That is,” said Bee, “you would like to send me away to be miserable by
-myself without even knowing what it is, while you will take your
-sleeping draught and forget it. How can you be so selfish, mamma? And
-you have made my Aubrey join in the conspiracy against me&mdash;my Aubrey
-who belongs to me as papa does to you. If you are against us it is all
-very well, though I can’t imagine why you should be against us&mdash;but at
-least you need not interfere between Aubrey and me.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, my dear child, my poor darling!” said Mrs. Kingsward, wringing her
-hands.</p>
-
-<p>“It is all very well to call me your poor child, when it is you that are
-making me poor,” said Bee.</p>
-
-<p>She kept moving a little, first on one foot then on the other, but
-always gazing into the glass which presented the image of an excited
-girl, very pale, but lit up with a sort of blaze of indignation, and
-unable to keep still. It was not that girl’s face, however, that Bee was
-gazing at, but at the dim world of space beyond in which there were
-faint far-away reflections of the light and the world. “And if you think
-you will get rid of me like this, and hang me up till to-morrow without
-knowing what it is, you are mistaken, mamma. I will not leave you until
-you have told me. What is it? What has papa got in his head? What does
-he say in that horrid&mdash;horrid letter? I wish I had known when I gave it
-to you I should have thrown it into the river instead of ever letting it
-come into your hands.”</p>
-
-<p>“Bee, you must know that this passion is very wrong and very improper.
-You ought not to face me like that, and demand an answer. I am your
-mother,” said Mrs. Kingsward, but with a falter which was all unlike
-that assumption of authority, “and I have no need to tell you anything
-more than I think is for your good.”</p>
-
-<p>“Ah! I know where that comes from,” cried Bee; “that’s papa’s thunder!
-that’s what he has told you to say! You don’t believe, yourself, that
-you have a right to hang up a poor girl over some dreadful, dreadful
-abyss, when she was so happy and never suspected anything.” Here Bee’s
-voice faltered for a moment, but she quickly recovered herself. “And to
-drag her away from the one person that could support her, and to cut the
-ground from under her feet, and never to tell her what it means!”</p>
-
-<p>It was at this point that Moulsey, with a little discreet cough to
-herald her approach, came into the room, bearing a tray with tea, and a
-little cover from which came a faint but agreeable odour. Mrs. Kingsward
-was in great trouble about her child, but she was much exhausted and in
-want of physical support, and it did seem to her hard that she might not
-be permitted to eat the smallest of cutlets before embarking on a scene
-such as she knew this would be. Oh, why didn’t papa come and say it
-himself, when there was so much that was dreadful to say?</p>
-
-<p>“Shall I fetch something for Miss Bee, too?” said Moulsey. “It ain’t a
-good thing for a young creature to go without her dinner. If she’s not
-going down, ma’am, as would be much the best, I’ll just run and fetch a
-little something for Miss Bee too.”</p>
-
-<p>“Indeed, indeed, Bee, Moulsey is right. Think how miserable the others
-will feel all alone, and thinking something has happened. Do go down,
-darling, and strengthen yourself with a little food, and take a glass of
-wine just for once to please me. And after that you shall be told
-everything&mdash;all that I know.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee grew paler and paler, standing there before the glass, and her eyes
-blazed more and more. “It is as bad as that, then!” she said under her
-breath to herself, and then went away from where she was standing to the
-further end of the room. “I shall wait here, mamma, till you have had
-your tea. I know you want it. Oh, go away Moulsey! Let me alone! No, you
-shall not bring me anything! or, if you do, I will throw it out of the
-window,” she said, stamping her foot. The dark end of the room seemed
-suddenly lighted up by a sort of aurora borealis, with the fire of poor
-Bee’s burning eyes and the flashes here and there of her white
-frock&mdash;oh, poor white frock! put on in the sunshine of life and
-happiness to please her love, and now turned into a sort of sacrificial
-robe.</p>
-
-<p>“Take it away, Moulsey; I can’t eat anything&mdash;I can’t, indeed&mdash;no more
-than Miss Bee&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“But you must, ma’am,” said Moulsey. “Miss Bee’s young; she’s had
-nothing to drain away her strength. But it’s far different with you,
-after all your family and so weak as you are. If Miss Bee were a real
-good girl, as I always thought her, she’d go away and get something
-herself just for her poor mamma’s sake, and leave you alone for a moment
-to get a little peace and rest.”</p>
-
-<p>“There is no rest for me,” murmured the poor lady. “Oh, papa, papa, why
-didn’t you come and tell them yourself?”</p>
-
-<p>These piteous tones went to Bee’s heart. They moved her half with
-contempt, half with compassion&mdash;with something of that high indignant
-toleration of weakness which is one kind of pity. If mamma could eat and
-drink at such a moment, why shouldn’t she be left to do it? The girl
-started up and left the room in the quick flashing impulse of her
-passion. She walked up and down in the corridor outside, her arms folded
-over her high-beating, tumultuous heart. Yes, no doubt she was going to
-be miserable, all her happiness was cut down and withered away, but in
-her present passionate impulse of resistance and gathering of all her
-forces to resist the catastrophe, which she did not understand, it could
-scarcely be said that she was wretched yet. What was it&mdash;what was it?
-she was saying to herself. It might still be something that would pass
-away, which would be overcome by the determined, impassioned stand
-against it, which Bee felt that it was in her to make. The thing that
-was worst of all, that stole away her courage, was that Aubrey had
-failed her. He should have been there by her side whatever happened. He
-ought not to have abandoned her. No doubt he thought it was more
-delicate, more honourable, more something or other; and that it was his
-duty to leave her to brave it alone. It must have been one of those
-high-flown notions of honour that men have. Honour! to leave a girl to
-fight for herself and him, alone&mdash;but, no doubt, that was what had
-seemed right in his eyes. Bee walked up and down in the half-lighted
-passage, sometimes almost pushing against someone going up or down,
-waiters or chambermaids or surprised guests, who looked after her when
-she had passed; but she did not take any notice of them, and she heard
-as she passed her mother’s door little sounds of tea-cups and dishes,
-and Moulsey’s voice saying “A little more,” and her mother’s faint
-replies. Poor mamma! After all, what ever it was, it could not be her
-affair as it was Bee’s. She would be unhappy about it, but not all
-unhappy. She had the others, who were all right. She had papa. It would
-not shatter her to pieces even if one of the children was to be
-shipwrecked. It was the shipwrecked one only who would be broken to
-pieces. For the first time in her life Bee felt the poignant sensation,
-the jealous pride, the high, desolate satisfaction of suffering. The
-others could all eat and do the ordinary things. She was elevated over
-all that, silent as on a Peak in Darien. She felt almost a kind of
-dreadful pleasure in the situation, smiling to herself at the sounds of
-her mother’s little meal. She could dine while Bee was miserable. They
-could all dine&mdash;Charlie (which was natural), Betty, even Aubrey. She had
-no doubt that he, too, must be seated, feeling as a man does that dinner
-must go on whatever happens, at the table downstairs.</p>
-
-<p>After a while, which seemed a long time to Bee, Moulsey came out with
-the tray. She was startled, and exclaimed under her breath at the
-appearance of the girl walking up and down in the corridor: “I did
-think you would have had the sense to go and join the others, Miss
-Bee.” Bee was too much uplifted, too distant on her high pinnacle of
-martyrdom, to make any reply, but when Moulsey ventured to add a word of
-advice, to the effect that she must be careful of her mamma and not
-weary her with questions and she so tired and so weak, the girl flashed
-forth all her heart of indignation. “She has eaten her cutlet, it
-appears,” cried Bee. “I should think she may answer my questions.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh!” cried the maid, who had the privileges of an old servant, “you
-have got a heart without pity. You are just like your papa!”</p>
-
-<p>Bee swept past her into the room, where poor Mrs. Kingsward, who after
-all had eaten but a morsel, sat lying back in an easy chair awaiting the
-dreadful conflict which she knew was coming. Poor lady, she had lost all
-her brightness, that pretty grace of the young mother among her grown up
-children, which prompted so many compliments. She lay back in her easy
-chair, feeling as she said “any age”&mdash;as old as any woman on the edge of
-the grave, not knowing how she was to bear the onslaught that was
-coming, and how she was to say what had to be said. He had borne it far
-better than Bee&mdash;poor Aubrey, poor Aubrey! whom she must not call Aubrey
-any more. He had not denied anything, he had fallen as it were at her
-feet, like a house that had been undermined and had no sound
-foundations, but Bee was different. Bee was a tower that had
-foundations&mdash;a girl that was able to stand up even to papa, and why&mdash;why
-had he not come to give forth his sentence in his own way?</p>
-
-<p>Bee came forward flashing into the light, in that white frock which
-shone, and with those eyes that blazed through all the neutral tints in
-the room. She did not sit down, which would have been a little relief,
-but seized a chair and stood with her hand upon the back, leaning upon
-it.</p>
-
-<p>“I hope, mamma,” she said, pitiless, “that you liked your tea, and ate
-something&mdash;and that you are better now.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Bee!” cried the poor lady; “if there is one reproach more dreadful
-than another it is this of being able to eat when you ought to be
-overwhelmed with trouble.” Mrs. Kingsward could scarcely keep from
-crying at the imputation. And Bee, I fear, knew that it was the
-unkindest thing that could be said.</p>
-
-<p>“Now, mamma,” she resumed, almost stonily, “it is time that you should
-tell me what has happened. We arrived here all quite happy&mdash;it is just
-an hour ago&mdash;&mdash;” here Bee’s voice shook a little, but she commanded it
-with an effort&mdash;“I ran up to dress for dinner, and when I came back in
-about ten minutes I found you and Aubrey&mdash;with your letters&mdash;looking as
-if you had both been dead and buried while I was away. You wouldn’t
-answer me, and he never said a word. You had done something to him in
-that little time to make him turn away from me, and yet you will not
-tell me what it is. Here I am alone,” said Bee, once more with a quiver
-in her voice. “Aubrey ought to be standing by me. I suppose he is having
-his dinner downstairs, too, and thinking no more of me. I just stand
-alone, nobody caring in all the world. What is the meaning of it,
-mamma?”</p>
-
-<p>“Bee, you are very hard upon me. And poor Aubrey, he is having no
-dinner&mdash;of that I am sure.”</p>
-
-<p>“You called him Mr. Leigh downstairs.”</p>
-
-<p>“So I did, and so I must, and all of us; but I cannot have you speaking
-of him like that, poor, poor fellow; and just for this once&mdash;&mdash; Oh, Bee,
-my darling, don’t stand and look at me so! I would rather have died than
-say it either to him or to you. Your papa has been hearing I don’t know
-what, and he has changed his mind about Mr. Leigh altogether, and says
-it must not be.”</p>
-
-<p>“What must not be?”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Bee! Oh, don’t take it so hard! Don’t look like that!
-Your&mdash;your&mdash;engagement, my darling. Have patience; oh, have patience! He
-has heard something. Men hear things that we would never hear. And he
-doesn’t deny it. Oh! he doesn’t deny it. I had a hope that he would
-contradict it at once, and flare up in a rage like you, and say it
-wasn’t true. But he doesn’t deny it&mdash;poor boy, poor boy! And after that,
-how can I say one word to papa?”</p>
-
-<p>“My engagement?” said Bee, in a hoarse voice. She had been staring at
-her mother as in a dream&mdash;only partially hearing, not understanding at
-all the rest that was said. “My engagement? He gave his consent. It was
-all settled. You would not allow us till the letter came, but then it
-was consent.”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, yes, dear. That was at first. He consented at first because&mdash;and
-now it appears he has heard something&mdash;someone has called upon him&mdash;he
-has discovered&mdash;and he writes to me that it must be broken off. Oh, Bee,
-don’t think my heart doesn’t bleed for you. I think it will kill me. He
-says it must be broken off at once.”</p>
-
-<p>“Who says so?” said Bee, in her passion. “He! One would think you were
-speaking of God&mdash;that can say ‘Yes’ to-day and ‘No’ to-morrow, and build
-things up and then snatch them down. But I will not have it! I am not a
-doll, to be put in one position and then in another, as anybody pleases.
-My engagement! It is mine; it is not his.”</p>
-
-<p>“Bee, think; it is papa you are speaking of. Dear, I feel for you&mdash;I
-feel for you! but so does he. Oh, my darling, you don’t know what you
-are saying. Do you think he would do anything to make you unhappy if he
-could help it&mdash;your papa, Bee, who has been so good to you all your
-life?”</p>
-
-<p>“I do not care how good he has been. He is not good now. How will it
-harm him? He sits at home, and he thinks he can do as he pleases. But
-not with me. It is my affair more than it is his. He thinks he can break
-his word and it doesn’t matter&mdash;but I have given my word, and it does
-matter. Break my engagement!” cried Bee, her young bosom swelling, the
-sob rising in her throat that would soon choke her voice. “It is mine
-and not his; and nobody in the world shall break it. You can tell him
-so, mamma, or I will write myself and tell him so. I am not a wax image
-to take any shape he pleases. Who is he? He is not God&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Bee&mdash;he is your father&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, my father! Yes, I do whatever he tells me. If he says I am to fetch
-anything I run like a little dog. I have never been disobedient. But
-this&mdash;this is different. I am not a child any longer. And, mamma, not
-for him nor for anyone&mdash;not even for you will I take back my word.”</p>
-
-<p>“Bee! You make me say a great deal more than I meant to say. I thought
-you would have been a good child and seen that papa must know best. My
-poor, poor little girl, there is worse behind. Mr. Leigh, whom we all
-thought so much of&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Aubrey,” Bee managed to say, though for no other word could she command
-her voice.</p>
-
-<p>“Darling, he has deceived us. He is not what he seems. He has done, oh,
-so wrong&mdash;there have been things&mdash;that you ought never to hear&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Stop!” said Bee. She had to speak in monosyllables with her labouring
-breath. “Wait!&mdash;not behind his back.” She rushed to the bell and rung it
-so wildly that both waiter and chambermaid appeared in alarm, with
-Moulsey rushing in calling for a doctor, and saying that her lady was
-going to faint. Bee pushed the woman aside and turned to the waiter, who
-stood anxious at the door. “Mr. Leigh!” she cried, impatiently; “the
-gentleman&mdash;who was with us: tell him&mdash;to come here.”</p>
-
-<p>“The tall young gentleman?” said the waiter.</p>
-
-<p>“No&mdash;the other: tell him he is to come here&mdash;instantly&mdash;this moment.”</p>
-
-<p>“I beg your pardon, miss,” said the man. “The other gentleman? He have
-been gone away this half-hour.”</p>
-
-<p>“Gone away!” she cried. And it seemed to Bee that the blackness of
-darkness closed over her and the room and everything in it. She did not
-faint, oh no, no such happiness&mdash;but everything grew dark, and through
-the dark she heard her own voice speaking&mdash;speaking, and did not know
-what she said.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_V" id="CHAPTER_V"></a>CHAPTER V.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">But</span> Aubrey had not gone away. He had gone out in the dizziness of a
-great downfall, scarcely knowing how to keep his feet steady as he
-wandered along the dark street, not knowing where he went. The landscape
-that had charmed them all so much&mdash;was it scarcely an hour ago?&mdash;the
-lamps reflected in the water; the verandah, with its wreaths of green;
-the brilliant yet mysterious glimmer of the moon, made his heart sink to
-look at them now. He strayed off into the darkest of the narrow streets,
-into the great gloom of the cathedral shadow, where he could see nothing
-but a poor light twinkling here and there, making the darkness visible.
-Oh! how certain it is that, however sweet they may seem, your sins will
-find you out! Oh! how more than certain if you have let yourself be
-dragged down once, only once, in a spotless life, that the one fault
-will be made into the central fact of your whole existence. If he had
-been a bad, dissipated man, it would have been only fair. But this poor
-young fellow was like the young man whom our Lord loved though he went
-away. All good things he had kept from his youth up&mdash;but once, only
-once, half distracted by grief, and by the desire which is so natural to
-escape from grief, and by infernal temptation, he had fallen&mdash;oh, there
-was no need to tell him how he had fallen! Had it not been the canker in
-his soul ever since? And now this one thing, this miserable,
-much-repented fault, which revolted, disgusted, horrified himself, was
-brought up against him as if it were the pattern upon which he had
-shaped his life.</p>
-
-<p>And now, what was left for him but to fall down, down into the
-unfathomable abyss? The distracted feelings with which he had broken
-away from home, the horror and dismay that at once belonged to his
-natural grief and made the burden of it a thousand times harder to bear,
-all rushed back upon him, whirling him down and down to dimmer and more
-awful depths. He had partially healed himself in the intolerableness of
-his trouble by travel and change, and the arbitrary forgetfulness which
-comes from absence and the want of any association which could call back
-to him what was past; and then the touch of Bee’s soft, girlish hand,
-the sound of her voice, had suddenly called him back into an enchanted
-land where everything had again become possible. He had hesitated for
-some time, wondering if he might dare&mdash;he who had a secret smirch upon
-him which nobody suspected&mdash;to avail himself of this way of salvation.
-The reader will think that he had not hesitated very long&mdash;poor
-Aubrey&mdash;seeing that the introduction, the acquaintance, the love, the
-engagement had all occurred within the small space of one month; but to
-the brooding spirit the hours of one interminable day are long enough
-for a chronicle. Something like the phenomena of love at first sight had
-occurred in the bleeding yet young heart, which had felt itself cut
-loose from all the best associations of life. Deliverance, recreation,
-the new beginning of life and all its possibilities had gleamed upon him
-in Bee’s blue eyes. Her appearance swept away everything that was dark
-and ominous in his life. Did he dare to ask for her hand, to set out
-again to make himself a new career? He had worked at that question
-almost from the first day, discussing it with himself for the three
-weeks preceding their engagement, waking and sleeping, almost without
-intermission; and then in a moment he had forgotten all controversy, and
-let forth without intention the words that had been lying, so to speak,
-on the threshold of his lips&mdash;and in that moment all the clouds had been
-swept away. He was only eight and twenty after all&mdash;so young to have
-such a past behind him, and what so natural as that his life should
-begin again&mdash;begin now as for the first time? He had hesitated in the
-first fervour of his betrothal whether he should not tell all his story.
-But there was no one to tell it to but Mrs. Kingsward&mdash;a lady, even a
-young lady, not looking much older than Bee herself. That is one of the
-drawbacks of a young mother. She was still in the sphere of the girls,
-not in that of the old ladies whom Heaven has ordained to represent the
-mothers of the race. How could he tell to her the story of that
-entanglement? If Colonel Kingsward had been there, Aubrey was of opinion
-that he would have made a clean breast of everything to him. But I think
-it very likely that he might not have done so. He would have intended
-it, and he would have put it off from day to day; and then he knew how
-lightly men of the world look upon such matters. What would have
-horrified Mrs. Kingsward would probably call forth nothing but a
-pooh-pooh from her husband. Aubrey, as it proved, was mistaken there,
-for Colonel Kingsward had ideas of his own, not always corresponding to
-those of the ordinary man of the world; but no doubt had he heard the
-story from that side and not from the other, he would have regarded it
-in a very different light.</p>
-
-<p>But it was too late&mdash;too late for these reflections now. The fiat had
-gone forth, the sentence had been pronounced beyond appeal. Oh, Bee,
-Bee, she was too good for him; too fresh, too bright, unsullied by the
-world, for a man who had gone through so much already although he was
-still young enough. He who had loved and married&mdash;though, oh, how
-differently!&mdash;poor little Amy, who was nobody, whom he had liked for her
-yielding sweetness, sweetness which had cost him so dear&mdash;he who had
-been a father, who had lost his way in life amid the fogs of death and
-grief&mdash;how had he now dared to think that such a girl as Bee should
-dedicate her fresh young life to restore him again to the lost
-possibilities of his? It seemed to him the greatest presumption, the
-most dreadful, cynical, almost blasphemous attempt. It was the way of
-the world&mdash;to think that any woman, however good, might be sacrificed to
-the necessities of a man’s restoration whatever he had done; everybody
-thought so, his own mother even. But he, Aubrey, should have known
-better&mdash;he should have known that even at his best he could never have
-been good enough for Bee, and to think that he had dared now when he was
-no longer at his best! What a fool, what a fool he had been! He had come
-to be able to endure the daylight and “get on” well enough when he had
-arrived at the Bath and seen her first. Why had he not contented himself
-with that, knowing that he had no right to expect more? And now there
-was nothing&mdash;nothing before him but a plunge into the unutterable
-darkness&mdash;darker than ever, without any hope&mdash;worse almost, if worse
-were possible, than when he had fled from his home.</p>
-
-<p>He did not know how long he had been roaming about the dark town
-pondering all these dreadful thoughts. When he went back to the hotel,
-which he finally did, worn out, not knowing where else to go, one
-reproachful waiter, with eyes that said he ought to have been in bed
-long ago, was waiting for him with a curt demand what he would have to
-eat, and all the house, except that deserted eating-room, where one
-light twinkled&mdash;reproachful, like the waiter&mdash;was shut up. He went to
-his room when he had swallowed some brandy, which was the only thing he
-could find to put a little warmth into his chilled limbs and despairing
-heart, and threw himself miserable upon his bed, where I have no doubt
-he slept, though he was not aware of it&mdash;as Bee did, though she had no
-intention of doing so.</p>
-
-<p>The only one who was really a sufferer in this respect was poor Mrs.
-Kingsward, who was ill, and who had been far more agitated than her
-feeble strength could bear. She it was who lay and wondered all through
-the night what she must do. Was he really gone without a word, thus
-proving how much he was in the wrong, and how right the Colonel was? It
-would have saved her from a great deal of embarrassment, but I do not
-think Mrs. Kingsward wished that Aubrey might have really gone. It was
-too summary, it was not natural, it would show Colonel Kingsward to have
-been too right. Oh! she believed he was right! She did not doubt that
-his decision was for the best any more than she doubted that it was
-inexorable: but still the heart revolted a little, and she hoped that he
-might not be proved so unutterably right as that. And poor Bee&mdash;poor
-little Bee! She did not know, poor child, that there were bitters in the
-sweetest cup&mdash;that if she had twenty years of Aubrey she would not
-probably have thought quite so much of him as now&mdash;that nobody was
-perfect, which was a conviction that had been forced upon Mrs.
-Kingsward’s own mind, though it was not a strong one, by the passage of
-the years. And then the poor lady went off into perplexed considerations
-of what she personally must do. Must he leave them all at once, travel
-home in a different carriage, avoid them at the stations, not venture to
-come near their table when they dined on the way? It would seem so
-ridiculous, and it would be so embarrassing after their very close
-intercourse. But men never thought of these little things. She felt sure
-that the Colonel would expect her never to let the two meet again. And
-how could she do that when they were both travelling the same way?
-Besides, was it fair, was it just, would Bee endure it&mdash;never to see him
-again?</p>
-
-<p>Bee woke up in all the energy of despair. It burst upon her in the first
-moment of her waking that he had gone away, that it was all over; but
-her mind, when it had time to think, rejected that idea; he would not,
-could not have gone without a word, without even saying farewell,
-without asking her&mdash;anything, anything&mdash;to forgive him or to forget him,
-or to be faithful to him, or not to believe what was said against him.
-One or other of these things Aubrey must say to her before he went away.
-Therefore, he could not have gone away, and everything was still
-possible. In her passion and pride she had refused last night to let her
-mother tell her what it was. She had resolved that Aubrey should be
-present, that he should hear the accusation against him, that he should
-give his own explanation&mdash;that was only just, she said to herself&mdash;the
-poorest criminal had a right to that! And Aubrey should have it. He
-should not, whatever papa said and whatever mamma said, be condemned
-unheard. She dressed in great haste and rang the bell energetically to
-ascertain if he had come back. But the chambermaid who answered Bee’s
-bell was stupid and could not understand what Herr it was about whom the
-young lady questioned her so closely. Had he come back? Oh, yes, she
-believed all the Herren had come back; there was not a bed to be had in
-the house. But what Herr was it whom the gracious young lady sought.
-The old gentleman in the next room, who was so ill? She heard that he
-was a little better this morning&mdash;or the young Herr in number ten, or
-the Herr whose eyes were so bad, who was going to the great doctor at
-Dusseldorf? Perhaps poor Bee’s German was at fault. She was still
-attempting to make the matter clear when Moulsey came in with the news
-that Mrs. Kingsward was very poorly, and had not slept at all, a
-statement which Betty, rushing in half-dressed, confirmed anxiously.
-“Mamma has had a very bad night; and what is the matter, Bee, that we
-are all at sixes and sevens, and why did you lock your door? I came up
-as soon as I could&mdash;as soon as Charlie would let me. He said it was
-dreadful, nobody coming down; and that we must eat through the dinner
-for the sake of appearances. And Aubrey never showing neither, and me
-obliged to sleep in mamma’s room because you had locked the door.”</p>
-
-<p>“I want to know,” said Bee, “whether Aubrey came back last night.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, how should I know?” said Betty, “and why shouldn’t he come back?
-Of course he must have come back. Is he going anywhere else but home? I
-wish people would not get letters,” said the girl. “You are all so
-ridiculous since those letters came last night. Letters are nice when
-they are nice. But, oh! how much nicer it was yesterday morning when you
-had none, and we were all quite happy, and mamma well, and Aubrey and
-you as funny as you could be!”</p>
-
-<p>There flashed upon Bee as she spoke the whole bright panorama of
-yesterday. Not a cloud in the sky nor a trouble in the world. Mamma as
-fresh as the morning, the river shining, the steamboat thrilling through
-the water with a shiver of pleasure in its wooden sides, every group
-adding amusement, and they themselves affording it, no doubt, to the
-rest. How conscious they had been when they laughed under their breath
-at the young German pairs, that they themselves were lovers too, quite
-as happy, if not so demonstrative. Oh! yesterday&mdash;yesterday! You might
-as well say last century for anything that resembled it now. Bee turned
-almost fiercely to Moulsey, who stood looking on with that air of
-knowing all about it which so often exasperated the girls, and requested
-her to go downstairs immediately and ask if Mr. Leigh had come back.
-Moulsey hesitated and protested that the chambermaid would know. “And
-you that know the language, Miss Bee.”</p>
-
-<p>“Go down directly and inquire if Mr. Leigh has come back. You know the
-waiter that speaks such good English as well as I do,” said Bee,
-peremptorily. And Moulsey could do nothing but obey.</p>
-
-<p>Yes, Mr. Leigh had come back; he had occupied his room, but was not yet
-up so far as the attendants knew. There came such a change on Bee’s face
-at this news as startled both the curious observers. The light grew less
-fierce, more like the usual sunny brightness in her eyes. A softening
-came over her face. Her colour flashed back. “I want to know when mamma
-is coming downstairs,” she said. “Moulsey&mdash;or no, stop. I’ll go myself
-and see.”</p>
-
-<p>Moulsey was so roused that she caught the young lady by the arm. “If it
-was your papa himself, my lady shan’t be disturbed,” she said. “And not
-by you, Miss Bee, as are the cause of it all; not if you should put a
-knife into me afore her door.”</p>
-
-<p>“How dare you say I am the cause of it all?”</p>
-
-<p>“Because it’s the truth,” said the enraged maid. “She was worrited
-enough before by those letters, and you coming in like the wind, like
-your papa himself, as I always said you were his living image; and
-stopping her in the middle of her little bit of cutlet that would have
-given her strength, and questioning of her like a drum-major, and pacing
-up and down outside the door like a wild beast. Mind my words: you don’t
-know, none of you, how little strength my poor lady’s got. And you’re
-all so masterful, every one, with mamma here and mamma there, and you’ll
-not find out till it’s too late&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“But mamma’s better,” cried Betty. “She has taken her cure, and she’s
-all right till next year.”</p>
-
-<p>“I only wish as you may all find it so, miss,” said Moulsey, folding her
-arms across her broad chest and shaking her head.</p>
-
-<p>Bee was awe-struck for a moment by this speech, but she knew that
-Moulsey was always a croaker, and it was quite true about the cure. She
-paused a little uncertain, and then she resumed in a subdued voice&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>“I never want to disturb mamma. But Moulsey, we’ve got to leave here
-to-day.”</p>
-
-<p>“That can’t be,” said Moulsey, decisively. “My lady is not fit to travel
-after such a bad night, and I won’t have it,” she said. “The doctor has
-put my lady into my hands, and he says ‘She’s not to be overtired. Mind,
-I don’t respond for nothing if she’s overtired.’ And she just shan’t
-go&mdash;that’s flat. And you may all say what you like, and your papa, too.”</p>
-
-<p>“Not to-day?” said Bee, with another change of countenance. It flashed
-upon her that another day’s delay would give time for all the
-explanations in which she could not help hoping. Her excited pulses
-calmed down a little. She was not alarmed about her mother. Had she been
-so, it would no doubt have given her thoughts another direction. But Bee
-knew nothing of illness, much less anything of death. She was not
-afraid of them. In her experience people might be ill occasionally, but
-they always got better. Mamma, too, would be better presently, when she
-got up; and then they could all meet, and the letters and the whole
-matter could be discussed. And it seemed to be impossible&mdash;impossible
-that from this some better conclusion could be arrived at. There had
-been so much confusion last night, when it burst upon them like a
-thunderstroke. When looked at calmly, without flurry or haste, the
-better moment would bring better views, and who could say that all might
-not yet be well?</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VI" id="CHAPTER_VI"></a>CHAPTER VI.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">Emboldened</span> by this thought Bee went downstairs to breakfast, which was
-spread again in the verandah in the warm sunshine of the autumnal
-morning. The new hope, though it were a forlorn one, restored her
-youthful appetite as well as her courage, and her coffee and roll were a
-real restorative after the long fast and agitated night. But there was
-no appearance of Aubrey, neither at the table nor in the passages, nor
-anywhere about. He seemed to have disappeared as if he had never been.
-When Charlie came down from his mother’s room, where he had been shut up
-with her for some time, Bee, who had no particular respect for Charlie’s
-opinion or inclination to allow him any authority over herself, such as
-an elder brother is sometimes supposed to have, began at once to
-question him. “Where is Aubrey?” she said. “Why doesn’t he come to
-breakfast? Will you go and look for Aubrey, Charlie?”</p>
-
-<p>“Indeed, I will do no such thing,” said Charlie, almost roughly. “I hope
-he has had the sense to go away. I should just like to see him come
-calmly down to breakfast as if nothing had happened. If he came, then I
-can answer for it, you should not be allowed to say a word to him, Bee.”</p>
-
-<p>“Who should prevent me?” cried Bee, looking up with her eyes on fire and
-her nostrils dilating. She had not noticed before what a cloud was upon
-Charlie’s face and how heavy and scowling were his brows. She added,
-springing up, “We shall soon see about that. If you think I shall do
-what you tell me, or condemn any man unheard&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“The cad! He never denied it. You can ask mamma.”</p>
-
-<p>“I will not ask anyone but Mr. Leigh,” said Bee, throwing back her head;
-“and I advise you to mind your own business, and not to call names that
-may come back upon yourself.”</p>
-
-<p>“Stop where you are, Bee. I never went out into the world under false
-pretences. A man is a cad when he does that.”</p>
-
-<p>“I shall not stop for you, nor anyone but my parents,” said Bee, in a
-splendid flush of anger, her countenance glowing, her eyes blazing.
-“Stand out of my way. Oh, if that is all, and you want to make a scene
-for the edification of the tourists, I can go in by the other door.”</p>
-
-<p>And she did so, leaving Charlie standing flushed and angry, but quite
-unable, it need scarcely be said, to coerce his sister. To make an
-attempt of this kind, which comes to nothing, is confusing and
-humiliating. He looked round angrily for a moment to see if it were
-possible to intercept her, then, yielding to necessity, sat down where
-Betty, eager and full of a thousand questions, sat calling for
-explanations. That is the good of a family party, there is always
-someone ready to hear what you have to say.</p>
-
-<p>Bee went at once to the English-speaking waiter, and asked for Mr.
-Leigh, whom the man, curious as all lookers-on are at a social drama
-going on under their eyes, declared to be still in his room. She sent
-him off instantly with a message, and stood in the hall awaiting his
-return, angry and brave, like the rose in George Herbert’s poem, yet
-soon getting shamefaced and troubled, as the people coming and going,
-travellers, visitors, attendants, stared at her and brushed against her
-as they passed. Bee never forgot all her life the gleam of the river at
-the foot of the steps, of which she had a glimpse through the
-doorway&mdash;the Rhine barges slowly crossing that little space of vision,
-the little boats flitting across the gleam of the rosy morning, and the
-strong flowing tide, the figures going up and down breaking the
-prospect.</p>
-
-<p>The man came back to her after a time, looking half sympathetic, half
-malicious, with the message that the gentleman was just going out.</p>
-
-<p>“Just going out!” She repeated the words half-consciously. “Was it
-Aubrey that sent her that message? Aubrey&mdash;who yesterday would not let
-her out of his sight, who followed her everywhere, saw every sign she
-made, heard every word almost before it was spoken!” The surprise and
-the pang together made her heart sick. She could not rush upstairs and
-knock at his door and call him out imperatively, to tell her immediately
-what it all meant&mdash;at least, though it occurred to her that this would
-be the most natural thing to do, she did not. Intimidated by the
-circumstances, by the half impertinence of the waiter, by the stare of
-the people about, she reflected for a moment breathlessly that he must
-come out this way, and that if she remained there she must see him. But
-Bee’s instinct of a young woman, now for the first time awakened, made
-her shrink from this. When she was only a little girl, so very short a
-time ago, she did not mind who looked at her, who pushed past her. But
-now everything was different!</p>
-
-<p>She went away, still holding her head high that nobody (above all not
-Charlie, who was watching her through the glass of the verandah) should
-guess that her courage was drooping, and going into the deserted
-sitting-room, where last night that blow had fallen upon her, sat down
-and wrote to her lover a hurried little note:</p>
-
-<div class="blockquot"><p>“Oh, Aubrey, what is the matter? Have you deserted me without a
-word? Do you think I am like them, to take up any report? I don’t
-know what report there is&mdash;I don’t know what it is, this terrible
-thing that has come between us. What is it? I will take your word
-and nobody else’s. I don’t believe you have done anything that is
-wrong. Aubrey! come and tell me out of your own mouth. I told mamma
-last night I would hear nothing unless you were there; but you were
-gone away, they said. And now you send me word that you are going
-out and can’t see me. Going out and can’t see <i>me</i>! What does it
-all mean?</p>
-
-<p>“If it is some fad of honour, of not seeing me against <i>their</i>
-will&mdash;though I do think your first duty is to me, Aubrey, before
-anyone else in the world&mdash;but if it should be so, mamma will be
-down here at twelve o’clock&mdash;and I invite you to meet her, to hear
-what is said, to answer for yourself and for me. If you have done
-anything wrong, what does that matter? Don’t we all do wrong? And
-why should it come between you and me? Am I without sin that I
-should throw stones at you? Aubrey, you can’t throw everything away
-without a word. You can’t desert me without a word. I can bear
-anything&mdash;anything, rather than this.</p>
-
-<p class="r">
-“Your <span class="smcap">Bee</span>&mdash;&mdash;.”<br />
-</p></div>
-
-<p>Bee, poor child, shrank from intrusting this to the impertinent waiter,
-who had a leer in his eye as if he were defending his own side from the
-importunities of the other. She went out furtively into the hall and
-studied the numbers of the rooms and the names of the tenants upon the
-board, necessity quickening her perceptions, and then she stole
-upstairs and gave her poor little appeal into the hands of the stout
-chambermaid who watched over that part of the hotel. It was for the Herr
-in No. 10, and the answer was to be brought immediately to the little
-salon No. 20 downstairs. “Eine Antwort,” she said over and over again in
-her imperfect speech. “Schnell, schnell!” This, with the aid of a
-thaler&mdash;for it was before the days of the mark&mdash;produced perfect
-understanding in the mind of the maid, who with becks and wreathed
-smiles accepted the commission, and in a short time brought her back the
-answer for which she waited with feverish anxiety. It was very much
-shorter than her own.</p>
-
-<div class="blockquot"><p>“I am not worthy to stand before you. I cannot and I must not take
-advantage of your innocence; better I should disappear altogether
-than wound your ears with what they say. But I will not since you
-will it so. At twelve o’clock then, Bee, my darling, I will stand
-up before your mother, and say what I can for myself. Bee, my own
-dearest, my only hope!”</p></div>
-
-<p>This last was scrawled across the paper as if he had put it in after the
-despair of the former part. It was this that the poor little girl fixed
-upon&mdash;the sweet words to which she had been accustomed, which her heart
-was fainting for. It was not, one would have said, a very cheerful note
-for a love-letter. But Bee was ridiculously cheered by it. So long as
-she was his own dearest, his hope, his darling&mdash;so long as there was no
-change in his love for her&mdash;why then, in the long run, whatever was
-said, everything must come right.</p>
-
-<p>I need not follow Bee to her mother’s bedside, when Mrs. Kingsward woke
-and for the first moment did not remember what had happened.</p>
-
-<p>“Is that you, Bee?” she said, smiling, not thinking.</p>
-
-<p>“Are you better, mamma?”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, yes, just in my usual&mdash;&mdash;,” said Mrs. Kingsward. And then she
-caught a fuller sight of her daughter’s face. Bee had none of her usual
-pretty colour, the light in her eyes was like fire. The mother gave a
-little feeble cry, and in a moment was no longer in her usual, but lost
-in the feverish mists of a trouble far too great for her to bear. “Oh,
-Bee! Oh, Bee!”</p>
-
-<p>“We had better not say anything about it, mamma, to agitate you. I have
-told him you will be ready at twelve o’clock, that I may know what the
-story is, and what he has to say.”</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Kingsward struggled up to a sitting position. “At twelve o’clock?
-No! I cannot, I cannot!” Then she dropped back upon her pillows sobbing,
-“Oh, Bee, spare me; I am not equal to it. There is Charlie can read your
-papa’s letter. Bee! Bee!”</p>
-
-<p>“Charlie!” cried Bee, with a flash of fury. “Who is Charlie, that he
-should sit in judgment on Aubrey and me? If he has anything to do with
-it, I tell you, mamma, I will go away. I will go with Aubrey. I will not
-hear a word.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Bee,” cried Mrs. Kingsward, holding out her hot, feverish hands, “I
-am not fit for it! I am not fit for it! If I am to travel to-morrow&mdash;ask
-Moulsey&mdash;I ought to stop in bed and be quiet all day.”</p>
-
-<p>“I don’t see that it matters,” said Bee, sternly, “whether we travel
-to-morrow or in a week. To go home will be no pleasure to me.”</p>
-
-<p>“If we were there, then papa could manage it all himself; he is the
-proper person. On a journey is not the time to settle things so
-important. I will write and tell him I have put it all off, and have not
-said anything, till he could do it himself.”</p>
-
-<p>“But that will not be true,” cried the young Rhadamanthus, inexorable,
-with her blazing eyes.</p>
-
-<p>“O Bee! you are dreadfully, dreadfully hard upon me!” the poor young
-mother said. This is the drawback of being so young a mother, just as
-young as your grown-up children. It is very delightful, when all is
-sunny and bright, but in a great emergency like this it is trying for
-all parties when a girl’s mother is only, so to speak, a girl like
-herself. Bee lifted up her absolute young head, and gave forth her
-ultimatum unmoved.</p>
-
-<p>“Well, mamma, it must be as you choose. If you think my happiness is of
-less consequence than the chance of a headache to yourself, I have
-naturally nothing more to say.”</p>
-
-<p>A headache! That was all she knew.</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Kingsward was ready by twelve o’clock, much against Moulsey’s will,
-who dressed her mistress under protest. “I ain’t one to interfere with
-what’s going on in a family,” said Moulsey, as she combed out the long
-locks, tangled with the restlessness of a troubled night, which were as
-silky and as smooth as Bee’s. “I’m only a servant, and I knows my place;
-but you’re not fit to struggle among them young ones. The nursery
-children, it’s all very well; if they’re naughty you whip them, or you
-put them in a corner, and there’s a good cry and all right again. But
-when it comes to a business with a young lady and a gentlemen, the
-Colonel ought to have come himself, or he ought to have put it off till
-we all got home.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, I wish, I wish he had!” Mrs. Kingsward said, sighing. “I am not in
-the least what I used to be, Moulsey; don’t you think I am very
-different from what I used to be? I have not half the strength.”</p>
-
-<p>“There often is,” said Moulsey, “a time when a lady isn’t so strong,
-after all these children and everything. It takes a deal out of you, it
-do. And I don’t hold much with them foreign cures. I’m one that stands
-for home. And there’s where you ought to be, ma’am, whatever anyone may
-say.”</p>
-
-<p>“I am sure it is where I wish to be,” said the poor lady, “but we must
-not be unjust, Moulsey. My cure did me a great deal of good, and I liked
-being out and seeing everything just as much as the girls.”</p>
-
-<p>“That is just it, ma’am,” said Moulsey; “you’re a deal too much the same
-as the young ladies, and can’t make up your mind as you haven’t the
-strength for it. I’m not one to ask any questions, but I can’t help
-seeing there’s something wrong. Don’t you give in to Miss Bee in
-everything. I wouldn’t go down to make up the quarrel if I was you.
-Leave ’em to themselves, and it’ll all come right. Bless us, lovers’
-quarrels is nothing&mdash;it wouldn’t be half the fun if it wasn’t for that.”</p>
-
-<p>Moulsey knew very well this was no lovers’ quarrel; but it seemed to her
-a good way of satisfying herself what it was.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, if that were all!” sighed the poor lady. “Moulsey, you are an old
-friend, and take an interest in the family. You have known Miss Bee
-since ever she was born. I don’t know why I shouldn’t tell you. It is
-no quarrel; it’s something the Colonel has heard about Mr. Leigh.”</p>
-
-<p>“All lies, ma’am, I don’t make no manner of doubt.”</p>
-
-<p>“Do you think so, Moulsey; oh, do you think so? Have you heard anything?
-You often know more, hearing the servants speak, than we do. If you have
-any light to throw on the subject, oh, do so, do! I shall be grateful to
-you all my life.”</p>
-
-<p>“I don’t know as I have any light to throw. I knew as there was some
-trouble at the time the poor young lady died&mdash;some friend of hers, as
-Mr. Leigh, being a kind-hearted gentleman, couldn’t turn out of the
-house&mdash;and it made a talk. But if there was anything wrong, you take my
-word, ma’am, it was none of his fault.”</p>
-
-<p>“Ah, it’s so easy to say that, Moulsey; but the man must bear the
-blame.”</p>
-
-<p>“I’ve always heard, ma’am, as it was the woman that got the blame; and
-right enough, for they often deserve it the most,” Moulsey said.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, I wish&mdash;I wish, whoever was to blame, that it was not I that had
-to clear it up,” poor Mrs. Kingsward said.</p>
-
-<div class="poetry"><div class="poem">
-<span class="i0">“Oh, cursed spite,<br /></span>
-<span class="i1">That ever I was born to set it right.”<br /></span>
-</div></div>
-
-<p>She would not have said this, poor lady. She would have thought it
-swearing and unbecoming for a woman’s lips; still, Hamlet’s sentiment
-was hers, with much stronger reason. She looked like anything but a
-strong representative of justice as she went downstairs. Charlie had
-come to give her his arm, and though he was very tender to her, Charlie
-had no idea of sparing her any more than Bee. He, too, thought that it
-was only the risk of a headache, and that a headache was no such great
-matter. Charlie’s idea was, however, that what the governor said was, of
-all things on earth, the most important to be carried out&mdash;especially
-when it did not concern himself.</p>
-
-<p>Bee was sitting at the window looking out upon the river, seeing the
-reflections flash and the boats pass. The steamer had just started with
-its lively freight&mdash;the steamboat which had brought them down the stream
-yesterday, with all its changing groups, and the pairs of German lovers
-with their arms about each other in the beatitude of the betrothal. All
-just the same, but how different, how different! She did not rise, but
-only turned her head when her mother came in. She was on the other side.
-She did not see, with so many other things in her head, how fragile Mrs.
-Kingsward looked. Betty was the only one who perceived at all that mamma
-was less strong than usual, and even Betty took no notice, for she, too,
-was on the other side. As for Charlie, he stood behind her, a sort of
-representative of executive force at the back of Justice, backing her
-authority up. It was he who arranged her chair, her footstool, the shawl
-Moulsey had insisted she should wear, and which Charlie, who knew
-nothing about shawls, huddled up about her neck, not unlike the judge’s
-ermine. He did it all, not with sympathetic touches as the girls would
-have done had they not been on the other side, but rather with an eye to
-her dignity as a representative of the law.</p>
-
-<p>And then, just as the hour of noon sounded from all the church clocks,
-Aubrey came in. He was very pale, but dressed with care, no symptoms of
-neglect about him, with an air of preparation which became a man who was
-going to stand his trial. Bee jumped up from her seat and went up to
-him, putting her hand through his arm, and Betty, half-frightened, with
-a glance at her mother, offered him a timid hand. She sat down behind
-them, on a chair that was ranged against the wall. The defendant’s side
-was her side. She wanted to show that, and yet not to go against mamma.
-Charlie took no notice at all of the new comer, but stood scowling,
-looking at nobody, behind his mother’s chair.</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Kingsward, frightened at her own dignity and breathless with
-agitation, cried, “Oh, Mr. Leigh!” which was a kind of salutation. She
-had some papers in her lap, over which her hands fluttered restlessly,
-her husband’s letter, and something else beside, and she looked at the
-group before her with a little dubious smile, asking pardon of the
-culprit whom she had come here&mdash;oh, so much against her will&mdash;to try for
-his life.</p>
-
-<p>“Now, mamma,” said Bee, in a cheerful voice, “we are quite ready, Aubrey
-and I&mdash;”</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VII" id="CHAPTER_VII"></a>CHAPTER VII.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Kingsward’s</span> opening speech was a wonder to hear. She sat and looked
-at them all for a moment, trying to steady herself, but there was
-nothing to steady her in what she saw before her&mdash;Aubrey and Bee, the
-pair who had been so sweet to see, such a diversion in all
-circumstances, so amusing in their mutual absorption, so delightful in
-their romance. It all flashed back to her mind; the excitement of Bee’s
-first proposal, the pleasure of seeing “her bairn respected like the
-lave,” though Mrs. Kingsward might not have understood what these words
-meant, the little triumph it was to see her child engaged at nineteen,
-when everybody said there was nobody for the girls to marry&mdash;and now to
-have that triumph turned into humiliation and dismay! And to think of
-Bee’s bright face overcast, and her happiness over, and poor Aubrey
-thrown out into the uttermost darkness. Had she seen Charlie it might
-have given her some support, for Charlie was the impersonation of
-immovable severity; but Betty’s wistful little face behind the other
-pair, coming out from Aubrey’s shadow by moments to fix an appealing
-look upon her mother, was not calculated to make her any stronger. She
-cleared her throat&mdash;she tried hard to steady her voice. She said, “Oh,
-my dear children,” faltering, and then the poor lady ended in a burst of
-sobbing and tears. It gave her a little sting and stimulant to see
-through her weeping that though little Betty ran towards her with kisses
-and soothing, Bee took no notice, but stood hard and unaffected in her
-opposition, holding close to Aubrey’s arm. Mrs. Kingsward indeed got no
-sympathy except from little Betty. Charlie put his hand imperatively
-upon her shoulder, recalling her to herself, and Bee never moved,
-standing by the side of Aubrey Leigh. The mother, thus deserted,
-plucked up a little spirit in the midst of her weakness.</p>
-
-<p>“Bee,” she said, “I do not think it is quite nice of you to stand there
-as if your own people were against you. We are not against you. There
-has been, I fear, a great mistake made, which Colonel Kingsward”&mdash;here
-she turned her eyes to Aubrey&mdash;“has found out in&mdash;in time; though it is
-a pity, a sad pity, that it was not found out before. If Mr. Aubrey had
-only been frank and said at once&mdash;but I don’t see what difference that
-would have made. Papa says that from what he has heard and discovered
-things must not go any further. He is sorry, and so am I, that they have
-gone so far, and the engagement must be broken off at once. You hear
-what I say, Bee?”</p>
-
-<p>“I heard you say so last night, mamma, but I say it is my engagement,
-and I have a right to know why. I do not mean to break it off&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, how can I make explanations&mdash;how can I enter into such a question?
-I appeal to you, Mr. Aubrey&mdash;tell her.”</p>
-
-<p>“She ought not to ask any explanations. She is a minor, under age. My
-father has a right to do whatever he pleases&mdash;and she has none to ask
-why.”</p>
-
-<p>This was how Charlie reasoned on the height of his one-and-twenty years.
-Charlie was the intolerable element in all this question. Aubrey cast a
-look at him, and forcibly closed his own lips to keep in something that
-was bursting forth. Bee defied him, as was natural, on the spot. “I will
-not have Charlie put in his opinion,” she cried. “He has nothing to do
-with me. Even if I obeyed papa, I certainly should not obey him.”</p>
-
-<p>“Let Aubrey say, himself,” said Mrs. Kingsward, “whether you ought to be
-told everything, Bee.”</p>
-
-<p>“It is cruel to ask me,” said Aubrey, speaking for the first time. “If
-Bee could know all&mdash;if you could know all, Mrs. Kingsward! But how could
-I tell you all? Part of this is true, and part is not true. I could
-speak to Colonel Kingsward more freely. I am going off to-night to
-London to see him. It will free you from embarrassment, and it will give
-me perhaps a chance. I did not want to put you to this trial. I am ready
-to put myself unreservedly in Colonel Kingsward’s hands.”</p>
-
-<p>“Then,” said Bee, hastily, “it seems I am of no sort of importance at
-all to anyone. I am told my engagement is broken off, and then I am told
-I am not to know why, and then&mdash;&mdash;. Go, then, Aubrey, as that is your
-choice, and fight it out with papa, if you please.” She loosed her arm
-from his, with a slight impulse, pushing him away. “But just mind
-this&mdash;everybody,” she cried; “you may think little of Bee&mdash;but my
-engagement shall not be broken by anybody but me, and it shall not be
-kept on by anybody but me; and I will neither give it up nor will I hold
-to it, neither one nor the other, until I know why.”</p>
-
-<p>Then the judge and the defendant looked each other in the face. They
-were, as may be supposed, on opposite sides, but they were the only two
-to consult each other in this emergency. Aubrey responded by a movement
-of his head, by a slight throwing up of his hand, to the question in
-Mrs. Kingsward’s eyes.</p>
-
-<p>“Then you shall know as much as I can tell you, Bee. Your father had a
-letter last week, from a lady, telling him that she had a revelation to
-make. The letter alarmed your father. He felt that he must know what it
-meant. He could not go himself, but he sent Mr. Passavant, the lawyer.
-The lady said that she had lived in Mr. Leigh’s house for years, in the
-time of his late wife. She said Mr. Leigh had&mdash;had behaved very badly to
-her.”</p>
-
-<p>“That I do not believe,” said Bee.</p>
-
-<p>The words flashed out like a knife. They made a stir in the air, as if a
-sudden gleam had come into it. And then all was still again, a strange
-dead quiet coming after, in which Bee perceived Aubrey silent, covering
-his face with his hand. It came across her with a sudden pang that she
-had heard somebody say this morning or last night&mdash;“He did not deny it.”</p>
-
-<p>“And that he had promised her&mdash;marriage&mdash;that he was engaged to her, as
-good as&mdash;as good as married to her&mdash;when he had the cruelty&mdash;oh, my dear
-child, my dear child!&mdash;to come to you.”</p>
-
-<p>Aubrey took his hand away from his white face. “That,” he said, in a
-strange, dead, tuneless voice, “is not true.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, more shame to you, Aubrey, more shame to you,” cried Mrs.
-Kingsward, forgetting her judicial character in her indignation as a
-woman, “if it is not true!&mdash;” She paused a moment to draw her breath,
-then added, “But indeed you were not so wicked as you say, for it is
-true. And here is the evidence. Oh!” she cried, with tears in her eyes,
-“it makes your conduct to my child worse; but it shows that you were not
-then, not then, as bad as you say.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee had dropped into the chair that was next to her, and there sat, for
-her limbs had so trembled that she could not stand, watching him, never
-taking her eyes from him, as if he were a book in which the
-interpretation of this mystery was&mdash;&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>“Never mind about me,” he said, hoarsely. “I say nothing for myself.
-Allow me to be as bad as a man can be, but that is not true. And what is
-the evidence? You never told me there was any evidence.”</p>
-
-<p>“Sir,” said Mrs. Kingsward, fully roused, “I told you all that was in my
-husband’s letter last night.”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes&mdash;that she,” a sort of shudder seemed to run over him, to the keen
-sight of the watchers&mdash;“that she&mdash;said so. You don’t know, as I do, that
-<i>that</i> is no evidence. But you speak now as if there was something
-more.”</p>
-
-<p>She took a piece of folded paper from her lap. “There is this,” she
-said, “a letter you wrote to her the morning you went away.”</p>
-
-<p>“I did write her a letter,” he said.</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Kingsward held it out to him, but was stopped by Charlie, who put
-his hand on her arm. “Keep this document, mother. Don’t put the evidence
-against him into a man’s power. I’ll read it if Mr. Leigh thinks
-proper.”</p>
-
-<p>Once more Aubrey and Bee together, with a simultaneous impulse, looked
-at this intruder into their story.</p>
-
-<p>“Mamma! send him away. I should like to kill him!” said Bee within her
-clenched teeth.</p>
-
-<p>“Be quiet, Charlie. Mr. Leigh, I am ready to put this or any other
-evidence against you into your hands.”</p>
-
-<p>He bowed very gravely, and then stood once more as if he were made of
-stone. Mrs. Kingsward faltered very much, her agitated face flushed. “It
-begins,” she said, in a low fluttering voice, “My dear little wife&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>Then there came a very strange sound into the agitated silence, for
-Aubrey Leigh, on trial for more than his life, here laughed. “What more,
-what more?” he said.</p>
-
-<p>“No, it is not that. It is&mdash;‘I don’t want my dear little wife to be
-troubled about anything. It can all be done quite easily and quietly,
-without giving an occasion for people to talk; a settlement made and
-everything you could desire. I shall make arrangements about everything
-to-day.’ It is signed A. L., and it is in your handwriting. Bee, you can
-see it is in his handwriting; look for yourself.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee would not turn her head. She thought she saw the writing written in
-fire upon the air&mdash;all his familiar turns in it. How well she knew the
-A. L.; but she did not look at it&mdash;would not look. She had enough to do
-looking at his face, which was the letter&mdash;the book she was studying
-now.</p>
-
-<p>“No doubt it is my handwriting,” he said, “only it was addressed not to
-any other woman, but to my wife.”</p>
-
-<p>“Your wife died two years ago, Mr. Leigh; and that is dated
-Christmas&mdash;this year.”</p>
-
-<p>“That is a lie!” he cried; then restrained himself painfully. “You know
-I don’t mean you&mdash;but the date and the assumption is entirely a lie.
-Give me time, and I will tell you exactly when it was written. I
-remember the letter. It was when I had promised Amy to provide for her
-friend on condition that she should be sent away&mdash;for she made my house
-miserable.”</p>
-
-<p>“And yet&mdash;and yet, Mr. Leigh&mdash;&mdash;. Oh, don’t you see how things
-contradict each other? She made your house miserable, and yet&mdash;&mdash; when
-your wife was dead, and you were free&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>He looked at her, growing paler and paler. “And yet!” he said. “I know
-what you mean. That is the infernal art of it. My own folly has cut the
-ground from beneath my feet, and put weapons into every hand against me.
-I know&mdash;I know.”</p>
-
-<p>Again there came into Bee’s mind the words she had heard last night&mdash;“He
-does not deny it.” And yet he was denying it with all his might!
-Denying, and not denying&mdash;what? The girl’s brain was all in a maze, and
-she could not tell.</p>
-
-<p>“You see?” said Mrs. Kingsward, gently. “Oh, I am sorry for you in my
-heart. Perhaps you were led into&mdash;a connection that you feel not to
-be&mdash;desirable. That I can understand. But that you should think you
-could save yourself by means of an innocent girl, almost a child, and
-impose yourself on a family that had no suspicions!&mdash;oh, Mr. Leigh, Mr.
-Leigh! you ought to have died sooner than have done that!”</p>
-
-<p>He looked at her piteously for a moment, and then a dreadful sort of
-smile came upon his face. “I allow,” he said, “that that would have been
-the best.”</p>
-
-<p>And there fell a silence upon the room. The sun was shining outside, and
-the sound of the water gurgling against the sides of boats, and of all
-the commotion of the landing place, and of the hundreds of voices in the
-air, and of the chiming of the clocks, came in and filled the place.
-And just then there burst out a carillon from one of the steeples
-setting the whole to music, harmonising all the discords, and sweeping
-into this silence with a sudden rush of sound as if some bodily presence
-had come in. It was the touch too much for all these excited and
-troubled people. Mrs. Kingsward lay back in her chair and began to weep
-silently. Aubrey Leigh turned away from where he was standing and leant
-his head against the wall. As for Bee, she sat quite still, dazed, not
-able to understand, but crushed out of all her youthful self-assertion
-and determination to clear it all up. She to clear it up!&mdash;who did not
-even understand it, who could not fathom what was meant. That there was
-something more than met the eye, something that was not put into words,
-seemed to show vaguely through the words that were said. But what it was
-Bee could not tell. She could not understand it all. And yet that there
-was a fatal obstacle rising up between her and her lover, something
-which no one could disperse or clear away, not a mistake, not a
-falsehood, not a thing that could be passed over triumphantly and
-forgotten&mdash;not as youth is so quick to believe a mere severity, tyranny,
-arbitrary conclusion of papa&mdash;she felt in every fibre of her frame. She
-could not deny it or struggle against it; her very being seemed
-paralysed. The meaning went out of her face, the absolute, certain,
-imperious youthfulness died out of her. She who loved to have her own
-way, who had just protested that she would neither give up nor hold fast
-except by her own will and understanding, now sat dumb, vaguely staring,
-seeing shadows pass before her and hearing of things which were
-undeniable, mighty things, far more powerful than her little hot
-resolutions and determinations. Bee had never yet come face to face with
-any trouble which could not be smoothed away. There was her own
-naughtiness, there were Charlie’s escapades at school and college&mdash;some
-of which she had known were serious. But in a little while they had been
-passed over and forgotten, and everything had been as before. One time
-she remembered papa had threatened not to let Charlie go back to Harrow,
-which was a dreadful thing, exposing him and his naughtiness to all the
-world. But after a while papa had changed his mind, and everything had
-gone smoothly as before. Could papa change his mind now? Would time make
-it, even if he did, as it was before? Bee had not mental power enough to
-think these things, or ask these questions of her own will. But they
-went through her mind as people come in and go out by an open door.</p>
-
-<p>It was Aubrey who was the first to speak. The carillon stopped, or else
-they got used to the sound and took no further notice of it, and he
-collected himself and came forward again to the middle of the room. He
-said, “I know it will be a relief that I should go away. There is an
-afternoon train which I shall take. It is slow, but it does not matter.
-I shall be as well there as anywhere&mdash;or as ill. I shall go direct to
-Colonel Kingsward and lay my whole case before him. He will perhaps
-confront me with my accuser&mdash;I hope so&mdash;if not, he will at least hear
-what I have to say for myself.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Mr. Leigh! Oh, Aubrey! I can’t wish you anything but well,
-whatever&mdash;whatever may be done!”</p>
-
-<p>“Thank you, Mrs. Kingsward, I looked for nothing less from your kind
-heart. Will you give me that letter?”</p>
-
-<p>She put it into his hands without the least hesitation, and he examined
-it&mdash;with a sort of strained smile upon his face. “I should like to take
-this back to Colonel Kingsward,” he said. Then added quickly with a
-short laugh, “No, I forgot; there might be suspicions. Send it back to
-him, please, by the first post, that he may have it when I get there.”
-He gave the letter back, and then he looked round wistfully. “May I say
-good-bye to Bee?”</p>
-
-<p>She got up at the words, feeling herself vaguely called upon&mdash;yet quite
-dull, dumb, with all sorts of thoughts going and coming through those
-wide-open doors of her mind&mdash;thoughts like strays which she seemed to
-see as they passed. Even Aubrey himself appeared a ghost. She got up and
-stood awaiting him when he approached her, not putting out a finger.
-Nobody interfered, not even Charlie, who was fuming internally yet
-somehow did not move. Aubrey went up to her and put his hands upon her
-shoulders. Her unresponsiveness sent a chill to his heart.</p>
-
-<p>“Have you given me up, Bee?” he cried, “Already, already!” with anguish
-in his voice.</p>
-
-<p>She could not say a word. She shook her head like a mute, looking at him
-with her dazed eyes.</p>
-
-<p>“She does not understand it&mdash;not a word!” he said.</p>
-
-<p>Bee shook her head again. It was all she could do. No, she did not
-understand, except that it was a kind of dying, something against which
-nobody could struggle. And then he kissed her on her forehead as gravely
-as though he had been her father; and the next moment was gone&mdash;was it
-only out of the room, or out of the world, out of life?</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VIII" id="CHAPTER_VIII"></a>CHAPTER VIII.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">It</span> was a slow train. The slowest train that there is, is, of course,
-far, far quicker than any other mode of conveyance practicable in a land
-journey, but it does not seem so. It seems as if it were delay
-personified to the eager traveller, especially on the Continent. In
-England, when it stops at a multiplicity of stations at which there is
-nothing to do, it at least goes on again in most cases after it has
-dropped its half-passenger or taken in its empty bag of letters. But
-this can never be said of a German or even of a brisker Belgian train.
-The one in which Aubrey was meandered about Liege, for instance, till he
-had mastered every aspect of that smoky but interesting place. It
-stopped for what looked like an hour at every little roadside station,
-in order, apparently, that the guard might hold a long and excited
-conversation about nothing at all with the head man of the place. And
-all the while the little electric bell would go tingling, tingling upon
-his very brain. Thus he made his slow and weary progress through the
-afternoon and evening, stopping long at last at a midnight station
-(where everything was wrapped in sleep and darkness) for the arrival of
-the express, in which the latter portion of the journey was to be
-accomplished more quickly. If there had been anything wanted to complete
-the entire overthrow of a spirit in pain it was such an experience. All
-was dismal beyond words at the place where he had to wait&mdash;one poor
-light showing through the great universe of darkness, the dark big world
-that encompassed it around&mdash;one or two belated porters wandering through
-the blackness doing mysterious pieces of business, or pretending to do
-them. A poor little wailing family&mdash;a mother and two children, put out
-there upon a bench from some other train, one of the babies wailing
-vaguely into the dark, the other calling upon “mamma, mamma,” driving
-the poor mother frantic&mdash;were waiting like himself. It gave Aubrey a
-momentary consolation to see something that appeared at least to the
-external eye more forlorn than he. He remembered, too, that there had
-once been a baby cry that went to his heart, and though all the
-associations connected with that had now turned into gall and
-bitterness, so that the sound seemed like a spear penetrating his very
-being, and he walked away as far as the bounds of the station would
-allow, to get, if possible, out of hearing of it&mdash;yet pity, a better
-inspiration, at last gained the day. He went up and spoke to the woman,
-and found that she was an English workman’s wife making her way home
-with her children to a mother who was dying. They had turned her out
-here, with her babies, to wait&mdash;ah, not for the express train which was
-to carry on the gentleman, but for the slow, slow-creeping third-class
-which only started in the morning, and which would, after other long
-waits at other places, reach England sometime, but she could scarcely
-tell when.</p>
-
-<p>“And must you pass the night here out in the cold?” said Aubrey.</p>
-
-<p>“It isn’t not to call a cold night, sir,” said the woman, meekly, “and
-they’ve got plenty on to keep them warm.”</p>
-
-<p>“I’ll try and get them to open the waiting-room for you,” said Aubrey.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, no, sir; thank you kindly, but don’t take the trouble&mdash;the rooms
-are that stuffy. It’s better for them in the open air, and they’ll go to
-sleep in a little while. Baby will be quite warm on my lap, and Johnny’s
-lying against me.”</p>
-
-<p>“And what is to become of you in this arrangement?” said Aubrey, looking
-pitifully, with eyes that had known the experiences both of husband and
-father, upon this little plump human bed, which was to stand in the
-place of down pillows for the children.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, I’ll do very well, sir, when they go to sleep,” she said, looking
-up at him with a smile.</p>
-
-<p>“And when does your train go?”</p>
-
-<p>“Not till six in the morning,” she replied; “but perhaps that’s all the
-better, for I’ll be able to get them some bread and milk, and a good
-wash before we start.”</p>
-
-<p>Well, it was not much of an indulgence for a man who was well off. He
-might have thrown it away on any trifle, and nobody would have wasted a
-thought on the subject. He got hold of one of the wandering ghosts of
-porters, and got him, with a douceur, to change the poor woman’s cheap
-ticket for her into one for the express, and commissioned him, if
-possible, to get her a place in a sleeping carriage, where, I fear, she
-was not likely to be at all a warmly welcomed addition to the luxurious
-young men or delicate ladies in these conveyances. He saw that there was
-one found for her which was almost empty when the train came up. He
-scarcely knew if she were young or old&mdash;though indeed, as a matter of
-fact, the poor little mother, bewildered by her sudden elevation among
-the gentlefolks, and not quite sure that she would not have preferred to
-remain where she was and pick up in the morning her natural third-class
-train, was both young and pretty, a fact that was remarked by the one
-young lady in the carriage, who saw the young man through the window at
-her side, and recognised him in a flash of the guard’s lantern, with
-deep astonishment to see him handing in such a woman and such children
-to the privileged places. He disappeared himself into the dark, and
-indeed took his place in the corner of a smoking carriage, where his
-cigar was a faint soother of pain. In his human short-sightedness, poor
-Aubrey also was consoled a little, I think, by the thought that this
-poor fellow-passenger was comfortable&mdash;she and her children&mdash;and that
-instead of slumbering uneasily on a bench, she was able to lay the
-little things in a bed. It seemed to him a good omen, a little
-relaxation of the bonds of fate, and he went away cheered a little and
-encouraged by this simple incident and by the warmth of the kindness
-that was in his heart.</p>
-
-<p>He spoke to them again on one or two occasions on the way, sent the poor
-woman some tea in the morning, bought some fruit for the children, and
-again on the steamboat crossing, when he listened to the account of how
-they were going on, from Dover, with a certain interest. When they
-parted at the train he shook hands with the mother, hoping she would
-find her relation better, and put a sovereign into Johnny’s little fat
-hand. The lady who had been in the sleeping carriage kept her eye upon
-him all the time. She was not by any means a malicious or bad woman, but
-she did not believe the poor woman’s story of the gentleman’s kindness.
-She was, I am sorry to say, a lady who was apt to take the worst view of
-every transaction, especially between men and women. People who do so
-are bound in many cases to be right, and so are confirmed in their
-odious opinion; but in many cases they are wrong, yet always hold to it
-with a faith which would do credit to a better inspiration. “I thought
-young Mr. Leigh was going to marry again,” she said to a friend whom she
-met going up to town.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, so he is! To the nicest girl&mdash;Bee Kingsward, the daughter of one of
-my dearest friends&mdash;such a satisfactory thing in every way.”</p>
-
-<p>“Wasn’t there something,” said the lady of the sleeping carriage, “about
-a woman, down at his place in the country?”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, I don’t think there was ever anything against him. There was a
-woman who was a great friend of his poor wife, and lived with them. The
-wife was a goose, don’t you know, and could not be made to see what a
-foolish thing it was. My opinion is that he never could abide the woman,
-and I am sure she made mischief between them. But I believe that silly
-little Mrs. Leigh&mdash;poor thing, we should not speak ill of those that are
-gone&mdash;made him promise on her deathbed that this Miss Something-or-other
-should not be sent away from the house. It was a ridiculous arrangement,
-and no woman that respected herself would have done it. But she was
-poor, and it’s a comfortable place, and, perhaps, as there was no
-friendship between them she may have thought it was no harm.”</p>
-
-<p>“Perhaps she thought she would get over him in time and make him marry
-her.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, I can’t tell what she thought! He rushed off in a hurry at a
-moment’s notice, nobody knowing what he intended, after the poor baby
-died, the very day of its funeral. Not much to be wondered at, poor
-young man, after all he had gone through. I don’t know how things were
-settled with Miss Lance, but I believe that she has gone at last. And I
-am delighted to hear of his engagement. So will all his neighbours in
-the county be.”</p>
-
-<p>“I should not like a daughter of mine to marry a man like that.”</p>
-
-<p>“Why? I wish a daughter of mine could have the chance. Everybody likes
-him at home. Do you know anything of Aubrey Leigh?”</p>
-
-<p>He did not know in the least that this talk was going on as the train
-went rushing on to town; his ears did not tingle. He was in the next
-carriage, divided only by a plank from these two ladies in their
-compartment. The woman who took the bad view of everything did not wish
-him any harm. She did not even think badly of him. She thought it was
-only human nature, and that young men will do that sort of thing,
-however nice they may be, and whatever you may say of morals and so
-forth. I do not think, though she had made that little conventional
-speech, that she would at all have hesitated to give her own daughter to
-Aubrey, provided that she had a daughter. His advantages were so
-evident, and the disadvantages, after all, had so little to do with
-actual life.</p>
-
-<p>Aubrey did not present himself before Colonel Kingsward that night. He
-did not propose to follow him to Kingswarden, the old house in Kent,
-which was the sole remnant of territorial property belonging to the
-family. He wanted to have all his wits about him, to be cool and
-self-possessed, and able to remember everything, when he saw the man who
-had given him Bee and then had withdrawn her from his arms. He already
-knew Colonel Kingsward a little, and knew him as a man full of
-<i>bonhommie</i>, popular everywhere&mdash;a man of experience, who had been about
-the world, who knew men. By this time Aubrey had recovered his spirits a
-little. He thought it impossible that such a man, when a younger than
-himself laid bare his heart to him, could fail to understand. It was
-true that the Colonel was probably a martinet in morals as he was in his
-profession, and Aubrey had that behind him which he could not deny. He
-would not attempt to gloss it over, to make excuses for it. He would lay
-his life in this man’s hand as if he had been his confessor. And
-surely, surely the acknowledged sin would find absolution, the
-extenuating circumstances would be considered, the lie with which that
-accusation was accompanied would recoil upon the accuser. The young man
-buoyed himself up with these thoughts through the long evening. He did
-not go out or to his club, or anywhere where he was known. In September
-there are not so many inducements to stray about London. He sat in his
-room and thought of Bee, and wrote little letters to her, which were a
-relief to his mind though he knew he could not send them. By this time
-he reflected they must have started. They were beginning their journey
-as he ended his. He hoped that Charlie, that lout, would have the sense
-to take care of his mother, to see that she suffered as little as
-possible, to prevent her from having any trouble&mdash;which I fear was not
-the view at all that Charlie took of his duty to his mother. Aubrey,
-like all outsiders, had a clearer view of Mrs. Kingsward’s condition
-than her family had arrived at. He was very sorry for her, poor,
-delicate, tender woman&mdash;and grieved to the bottom of his heart that this
-trouble should have come upon her through him. Bee was different. There
-would be so many ways, please God, if all went well&mdash;and he could not
-bring himself to think that all would not go well&mdash;in which he could
-make it up to his Bee. Finally, he permitted himself to write a little
-letter to meet his darling on her return, and enclosed in it another to
-Mrs. Kingsward, directed to Kingswarden. They would receive it when they
-entered their house&mdash;and by that time, surely by that time, his letters
-would not be any longer a forbidden thing.</p>
-
-<p>That morning it rained, and the London skies hung very low. The world
-had the effect of a room with a low roof, stifling and without air. He
-set out to walk to Colonel Kingsward’s office. I forget whether the
-Intelligence Department of the War Office was in existence at that time,
-or if it has always been in existence only not so much heard of as in
-our vociferous days. If it did exist then, it was, of course, in Pall
-Mall, as we all know. Aubrey set out to walk, but soon recollected that
-muddy boots detracted from a man’s appearance, especially in the eyes of
-a spick and span person like Colonel Kingsward, who never had a speck
-upon any garment, and accordingly he got into a hansom. It did not go
-any faster than the beating of his heart, and yet he could have wished
-that it should only creep along like the heavier cabs. He would have put
-off this interview now had he been able. To think that you are within an
-hour at most of the moment when your life shall be settled for you
-absolutely by another person’s will, and that your happiness or
-unhappiness rest upon the manner in which he will look at the question,
-the perception he will have of your difficulties, the insight into your
-heart, is a terrible thing&mdash;especially if you know little of the person
-who has thus become endowed, as it were, with the power of life and
-death over you&mdash;do not know if his understanding is a large or limited
-one, if he has any human nature in him, or only mere conventionality and
-the shell of human nature. It is seldom, perhaps, that one man is thus
-consciously in the power of another&mdash;and yet it must come to that more
-or less, every day.</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward was in his room, seated at his writing table with
-piles of books and maps, and masses of newspapers all round him. He was
-an excellent linguist, and there were French papers and German papers,
-Russian, Scandinavian&mdash;all kinds of strange languages and strange little
-broadsheets, badly printed, black with excessive ink, or pale with
-imperfect impression, on the floor and the table. He had a large paper
-knife at his hand in ivory, with the natural brown upon it, looking like
-a weapon which could cut a man, not to say a book, in pieces. He looked
-up with an aspect which Aubrey, whose heart was in his mouth, could not
-read&mdash;whether it was mere politeness or something more&mdash;and bade Mr.
-Leigh be seated, putting aside deliberately as he did so the papers with
-which he was engaged. And then he turned round with the air of a man who
-says: Now you have my entire attention&mdash;and looked Aubrey in the face.
-The young man was facing the light which came in from a large high
-window reaching nearly to the roof. The elder man had his back half
-turned from it, so that his regard was less easy to read. It was not
-quite fair. Aubrey had everything against him; his agitation, his
-anxiety, an expressive tell-tale face, and the light searching every
-change that took place in it; whilst his opponent was calm as his own
-paper knife, impassive, with a countenance formed to conceal his
-emotions, and the light behind him. It was not an equal match in any
-way.</p>
-
-<p>“I have come direct from Cologne,” Aubrey said.</p>
-
-<p>“Ah, yes. I believe my wife says so in her letter.”</p>
-
-<p>“You have news from them to-day? I hope that Mrs. Kingsward is better.”</p>
-
-<p>“My wife never at any time speaks much of her health. She was a little
-fatigued and remained another day to rest.”</p>
-
-<p>“She is very delicate, sir,” said Aubrey. He did not know why, unless it
-was reluctance to begin what he had to say.</p>
-
-<p>“I am perfectly acquainted with Mrs. Kingsward’s condition,” said the
-Colonel, in a tone which was not encouraging. He added, “I don’t suppose
-you took the trouble to come here, Mr. Leigh, in order to speak to me
-about my wife’s health.”</p>
-
-<p>“No. It is true. I ought not to waste the time you have accorded me. I
-do not need to tell you, Colonel Kingsward, what I have come about.”</p>
-
-<p>“I think you do,” said the Colonel, calmly. “My letter to my wife, which
-I believe she communicated to you, conveyed all I had to say on the
-matter. It was not written without reflection, nor without every
-possible effort to arrive at the truth. Consequently, I have no desire
-to re-open the subject. It is in my mind concluded and put aside.”</p>
-
-<p>“But you will hear me?” said Aubrey. “You have heard one statement,
-surely you will hear the other. No man is condemned unheard. I have come
-here to throw myself upon your mercy&mdash;to tell you my story. However
-prejudiced you may be against me&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“A moment, Mr. Leigh. I have no prejudice against you. I am not the
-judge of your conduct. I claim the right to decide for my daughter&mdash;that
-is all. I have no prejudice or feeling against you.”</p>
-
-<p>“Colonel Kingsward,” cried Aubrey, “for God’s sake listen! Hear what I
-have to say!”</p>
-
-<p>The Colonel looked at him again. Perhaps it was the passion of
-earnestness in the young man’s face that touched him. Perhaps he felt
-that it was unwise to leave it to be said that he had not heard both
-sides. The end was that he waved his hand and said:</p>
-
-<p>“My time is not my own. I have no right to spend it on merely private
-interests; but if you will make your story as short as possible I will
-hear what you have to say.”</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IX" id="CHAPTER_IX"></a>CHAPTER IX.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">The</span> story which Aubrey Leigh had to tell was indeed made as short as
-possible. To describe the most painful crisis in your life, the moment
-which you yourself shudder to look back at, which awakens in you that
-fury of self-surprise, horror and wonder which a sudden departure from
-all the habits of your life brings after it when it is guilt, is not an
-easy thing; but it supplies terse expressions and rapidity of narration.
-There is no desire to dwell upon the details, and to tell a story so
-deeply affecting one’s self to a politely unsympathetic listener who
-does not affect to be much interested or at all moved by the subtle
-self-defence which runs through every such statement, is still more
-conducive to brevity. Aubrey laid bare the tempest that had swept over
-him with a breathless voice and broken words. He could not preserve his
-equanimity, or look as if it were an easy thing for him to do. He made
-the most hurried description of the visitor who had taken possession of
-his house, saying not a word beyond the bare fact. It had been deeply
-embarrassing that she should be there, though at first in the melancholy
-of his widowerhood he had not thought of it, or cared who was in the
-house. Afterwards he was prevented from doing anything to disturb her by
-his promise to his dying wife. Then had come the anxiety about the baby,
-the wavering of that little life in which the forlorn young father had
-come to take a little pleasure. She had been very kind to the child,
-watching over it, and when the little thing died, when the misery of the
-fresh desolation, and the pity of it, and the overwhelming oppression of
-the sad house had quite overcome the spirit of its young master, then
-she had thrown herself upon him, with all the signs of a sudden passion
-of sympathy and tenderness. Had any confessor skilled in the accounts of
-human suffering heard Aubrey’s broken tale he could have found nothing
-but truth in it, and would have recognised the subtle sequence of events
-which had led to that downfall. But Colonel Kingsward, though not
-unlearned in men, listened like a man of wood, playing with the large
-paper-knife, and never looking towards the penitent, who told his story
-with such a strain of the labouring breast and agonised spirit. Had a
-young officer in whom he had no particular interest thus explained and
-accounted for some dereliction of duty he might have understood or
-sympathised. But he had no wish to understand Aubrey; his only desire
-was to brush him off as quickly as possible, to be done with his
-ridiculous story, to hear of him no more. He might be as little guilty
-as he described himself. What then? Aubrey’s character was nothing to
-Colonel Kingsward, except as it affected his daughter. He had cut him
-off from all connection with his daughter, and it was now quite
-immaterial to him whether the man was a weak fool or a deceiver.
-Probably from as much as he heard while thus listening as little as he
-could, Leigh was in the former class, and certainly he did not intend
-to take a weak fool, who had shown himself to be at the mercy of any
-designing woman, into his family as the husband of Bee. Give him the
-benefit of the doubt, and allow that it had happened so, that the woman
-was much more to blame than the man, and what then? A sturdy sinner on
-the whole was not less but more easily pardoned than a weak fool.</p>
-
-<p>“This is all very well, Mr. Leigh,” Colonel Kingsward said, “and I am
-sorry that you have thought it necessary to enter into these painful
-details. They may be quite true. I will not offend you by doubting that
-you believe them to be quite true. But how, then, do you account for the
-letter which my wife, I believe, showed you, and which came direct from
-the lady’s own hand to mine?”</p>
-
-<p>“The letter was a letter which I wrote to my wife two years ago. There
-had been discussions between us on this very subject. I promised, on
-condition that Miss Lance should leave us, to make such arrangements for
-her comfort as were possible to me&mdash;to settle a yearly income on her,
-enough to live on.”</p>
-
-<p>“Was that arrangement ever carried out?”</p>
-
-<p>“No; my wife became ill immediately after. I found her on my return in
-Miss Lance’s arms, imploring that so long as she lived her friend should
-not be taken from her. What could I do? And that prayer was changed on
-my poor Amy’s deathbed to another&mdash;that I would never send Miss Lance
-away; that she should always have a home at Forest-leigh and watch over
-the child.”</p>
-
-<p>“I don’t wish to arouse any such painful recollections&mdash;especially as
-they can be of no advantage to anyone&mdash;but how does this letter come to
-have the date of last Christmas, more than a year after Mrs. Leigh’s
-death?”</p>
-
-<p>“How can I tell that, sir? How can I tell how the devilish web was woven
-at all? The note had no date, I suppose, and the person who could use it
-for this purpose would not hesitate at such a trifle as to add a date.”</p>
-
-<p>“Mr. Leigh, I repeat the whole matter is too painful to be treated by
-me. But how is it, if you regarded this lady with those sentiments,
-that you should have in a moment changed them, and, to put the mildest
-interpretation upon your proceedings, thus put yourself in her power?”</p>
-
-<p>The young man’s flushed and anxious face grew deadly pale. He turned his
-eyes from the inquisitor to the high blank light pouring in from the
-large window. “God knows,” he said, “that is what I cannot explain&mdash;or
-rather, I should say, the devil knows!” he cried with vehemence. “I was
-entirely off my guard&mdash;thinking, heaven knows, of nothing less.”</p>
-
-<p>“The devil is a safe sort of agency to put the blame on. We cannot in
-ordinary affairs accept him as the scapegoat, Mr. Leigh&mdash;excuse me for
-saying so. I will not refuse to say that I allow there may be excuses
-for you, with a woman much alive to her own interests and ready for any
-venture. You did write to her, however, on the day you left?”</p>
-
-<p>“I wrote to her, telling her the arrangement I had proposed to my wife,
-in the very letter which she has sent to you&mdash;that I would carry it out
-at once, and that I hoped she would perceive, as I did, that it was
-impossible we should remain under the same roof, or, indeed, meet
-again.”</p>
-
-<p>“That was on what date?”</p>
-
-<p>“The evening before my child’s funeral. Next day, as soon as it was
-over, I left the house, and have never set foot in it again.”</p>
-
-<p>“Yet this lady, to whom you had, you say, sent such a letter, was at the
-funeral, and stood at the child’s grave leaning on your arm.”</p>
-
-<p>“More than that,” cried Aubrey, with a gasp of his labouring breath,
-“she came up to me as I stood there and put her arm, as if to support
-me, within mine.”</p>
-
-<p>The Colonel could not restrain an exclamation. “By Jove,” he said, “she
-is a strong-minded woman, if that is true. Do you mean to say that this
-was after she had your letter?”</p>
-
-<p>“I suppose so. I sent it to her in the morning. I was anxious to avoid
-any scene.”</p>
-
-<p>“And then, on your way to London, on that day, you went to your
-solicitors, and gave instructions in respect to Miss Lance’s
-annuity&mdash;which you say now had been determined on long before?”</p>
-
-<p>“It was determined on long before.”</p>
-
-<p>“But never mentioned to any one until that time.”</p>
-
-<p>“I beg your pardon; on the day on which I wrote that letter to my wife I
-went direct to my lawyer and talked the matter over freely with Mr.
-Morell, who had known me all my life, and knew all the
-circumstances&mdash;and approved my resolution, as the best of two evils, he
-said.”</p>
-
-<p>“This is the most favourable thing I have heard, Mr. Leigh. He will, of
-course, be able to back you up in what you say?”</p>
-
-<p>“Mr. Morell!” Aubrey sprang to his feet with a start of dismay. “I
-think,” he cried, “all the powers of hell must be against me. Mr. Morell
-is dead.”</p>
-
-<p>They looked at each other for a moment in silence. A half smile came
-upon the Colonel’s face, though even he was a little overawed by the
-despair in the countenance of the young man.</p>
-
-<p>“I don’t know that it matters very much,” he said, “for, after all, Mr.
-Leigh, your anxiety to get rid of your wife’s companion might have two
-interpretations. You might have been sincerely desirous to free yourself
-from a temptation towards another woman, which would have given Mrs.
-Leigh pain. A man does not sacrifice two hundred a year without a strong
-motive. And subsequent events make this a far more likely reason than
-the desire to get rid of an unwelcome inmate.”</p>
-
-<p>“I cannot tell whether my motive was likely or not. I tell you, sir,
-what it was.”</p>
-
-<p>“Ah, yes&mdash;but unfortunately without any corroboration&mdash;and the story is
-very different from the other side. It appears from that that you wished
-to establish relationship during your poor wife’s life, and that it was
-the lady who was moved by pity for you in a moment of weakness&mdash;which is
-much more according to the rule in such matters.”</p>
-
-<p>“It is a lie!” Aubrey cried. “Colonel Kingsward, you are a man&mdash;and an
-honourable man. Can you imagine another man, with the same principles as
-yourself, guilty of such villainy as that? Can you believe&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Mr. Leigh,” said the other, “it is unnecessary to ask me what I can
-believe; nor can I argue, from what I would do, as to what you would do.
-That may be of good Christianity, you know, but it is not tenable in
-life. Many men are capable enough of what I say; and, indeed, I do you
-the credit to believe that you were willing to keep the temptation at a
-distance&mdash;to make a sacrifice in order to ease the mind of your wife. I
-show a great deal of faith in you when I say that. Another man might say
-that Mrs. Leigh had exacted it from you as a thing necessary to her
-peace.”</p>
-
-<p>Aubrey Leigh rose up again, and began to pace the room from one side to
-the other. He could not keep still in his intolerable impatience and
-scorn of the net which was tightening about his feet. Anger rose up like
-a whirlwind in his mind; but to indulge it was to lose for ever the
-cause which, indeed, was already lost. When he had gained control over
-himself and his voice, he said, “We had neighbours; we had friends; our
-life was not lived in a corner unknown to the world. There is my mother;
-ask them&mdash;they all know&mdash;&mdash;.”</p>
-
-<p>“Does anyone outside know what goes on between a husband and wife?” said
-Colonel Kingsward. “Such discussions do not go on before witnesses. If
-poor Mrs. Leigh&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Sir,” cried Aubrey, stung beyond hearing, “I will not permit any man to
-pity my wife.”</p>
-
-<p>“It was beyond my province I allow, but one uses the word for those who
-die young. I don’t know why, for if all is true that we profess to
-believe they certainly have the best of it. Well, if Mrs. Leigh, to
-speak by the book, had any such burden on her mind, and really felt her
-happiness to depend on the banishment of that dangerous companion, it is
-not likely that she would speak of it either to your neighbours or to
-your mother.”</p>
-
-<p>“Why not? My mother was of that mind, though not for that villainous
-reason; my mother knew, everybody knew&mdash;everybody agreed with me in
-wishing her gone. I appeal to all who knew us, Colonel Kingsward! There
-is not a friend I have who did not compassionate me for Amy’s insensate
-affection. God forgive me that I should say a word against my poor
-little girl, but it was an infatuation&mdash;as all her friends knew.”</p>
-
-<p>“Don’t you think we are now getting into the region of the extravagant?”
-Colonel Kingsward said. “I cannot send out a royal commission to take
-the evidence of your friends.”</p>
-
-<p>Aubrey had to pause again to master himself. If this man, with his
-contemptuous accents, his cool disdain, were not Bee’s father!&mdash;-- but
-he was so, and, therefore, must not be defied. He answered after a time
-in a subdued voice. “Will you allow me&mdash;to send one or two of them to
-tell you what they know. There is Fairfield, with whom you are
-acquainted already, there is Lord Langtry, there is Vavasour, who was
-with us constantly&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“To none of these gentlemen, I presume, would Mrs. Leigh be likely to
-unfold her most intimate sentiments.”</p>
-
-<p>“Two of them have wives,” said Aubrey, determined to hold fast, “whom
-she saw familiarly daily&mdash;country neighbours.”</p>
-
-<p>“I must repeat, Mr. Leigh, I cannot send out a royal commission to take
-the evidence of your friends.”</p>
-
-<p>“Do you mean that you will not hear any evidence, Colonel
-Kingsward?&mdash;that I am condemned already?&mdash;that it does not matter what I
-have in my favour?”</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward rose to dismiss his suitor. “I have already said, Mr.
-Leigh, that I am not your judge. I have no right to condemn you. Your
-account may be all true; your earnestness and air of sincerity, I allow,
-in a case in which I was not personally involved, would go far to making
-me believe it was true. But what then? The matter is this: Will I allow
-my daughter to marry a man of whom such a question has been raised? I
-say no: and there I am within my clear rights. You may be able to clear
-yourself, making out the lady to be a sort of demon in human shape. My
-friend, who saw her, said she was a very attractive woman. But really
-this is not the question. I am not a censor of public morals, and on the
-whole it is a matter of indifference to me whether you are guiltless or
-not. The sole thing is that I will not permit my daughter to put her
-foot where such a scandal has been. I have nothing to do with you but
-everything with her. And I think now that all has been said.”</p>
-
-<p>“That is, you will not hear anything more?”</p>
-
-<p>“Well&mdash;if you like to put it so&mdash;I prefer not to hear any more.”</p>
-
-<p>“Not if Bee’s happiness should be involved?”</p>
-
-<p>“My daughter’s happiness, I hope, does not depend upon a man whom she
-has known only for a month. She may think so now. But she will soon know
-better. That is a question into which I decline to enter with you.”</p>
-
-<p>“Men have died and worms have eaten them, but not for love,” said
-Aubrey, with a coarse laugh. He turned as if to go away. “But you do not
-mean that this is final, Colonel Kingsward&mdash;&mdash; not final? Not for ever?
-Never to be revised or reconsidered&mdash;&mdash; even if I were as bad as you
-think me?”</p>
-
-<p>“How needless is all this! I have told you your character does not
-concern me&mdash;and I do not say that you are bad&mdash;or think so. I am sorry
-for you. You have got into a rather dreadful position, Mr. Leigh, for a
-young man of your age.”</p>
-
-<p>“And yet at my age you think I should be cut off for ever from every
-hope of salvation!”</p>
-
-<p>“Not so; this is all extravagant&mdash;ridiculous! And if you will excuse me,
-I am particularly busy this morning, with a hundred things to do.”</p>
-
-<p>Poor Aubrey would have killed with pleasure, knocked down and trampled
-upon, the immovable man of the world who thus dismissed him; but to be
-humble, even abject, was his only hope. “I will try, then, to find some
-moment of leisure another time.”</p>
-
-<p>“It is unnecessary, Mr. Leigh. I shall not change my mind; surely you
-must see that it is better for all parties to give it up at once.”</p>
-
-<p>“I shall never give it up.”</p>
-
-<p>“Pooh! one nail drives out another. You don’t seem to have been a
-miracle of constancy in your previous relationships. Good morning. I
-trust to hear soon that you have made as satisfactory a settlement of
-other claims.”</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_X" id="CHAPTER_X"></a>CHAPTER X.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">Other</span> claims! What other claims? Aubrey Leigh went out of the office in
-Pall Mall with these words circling through his mind. They seemed to
-have nothing to do with that which occupied him, which filled every
-thought. His dazed memory and imagination caught them up as he went
-forth in the fury of suppressed anger, and the dizzy, stifled sensation
-of complete failure. He had felt sure, even when he felt least sure,
-that when it was possible to tell his tale fully, miserable story as it
-was, the man to whom he humbled himself thus, not being a recluse or a
-mere formalist&mdash;a man of the world&mdash;would at least, to some degree,
-understand and perceive how little real guilt there might be even in
-such a fault as he had committed. It was not a story which could be
-repeated in a woman’s ears; but a man, who knew more or less what was in
-man&mdash;the momentary lapses, the sudden impulses, the aberrations of
-intolerable trouble, sorrow, and despair&mdash;&mdash;. Aubrey did not take into
-account the fact that there are some men to whom such a condition as
-that into which he himself had fallen in the desolation of his silent
-house&mdash;when death came a second time within the sad year, and his young
-soul felt in the first sensation of despair that he could not bear it;
-that he was a man signalled out by fate, to whom it was vain to
-struggle, to whom life was a waste and heaven a mockery&mdash;was
-inconceivable. Colonel Kingsward was certainly not a man like that. He
-would have said to himself that the mother being gone it was only a
-blessing and advantage that the child should go too, and he would have
-withdrawn himself decorously to his London lodgings and his club, and
-his friends would all have said that it was on the whole a good thing
-for him, and that he was young, and his life still before him. So,
-indeed, they had said of Aubrey, and so poor Aubrey had proved for
-himself. Had there not been that terrible moment behind him, that
-intolerable blackness and midnight of despair, in which any hand that
-gripped his could lead him till the light of morning burst upon him, and
-showed him whither in his misery he had been led!</p>
-
-<p>Satisfy other claims? The words blew like a noxious wind through his
-brain. He laughed to himself softly as he went along. What claims had he
-to satisfy? He had done all that honour and scorn could do to satisfy
-the harpy who had dug her claws into his life. Should he try to
-propitiate her with other gifts? No, no! That would be but to prolong
-the scandal, to give her a motive for continuance, to make it appear
-that he was in her power. He was in her power, alas, fatally as it
-proved, if it should be so that she had made an end of the happiness of
-his life. She had blighted the former chapter of that existence,
-bringing out all that was petty in the poor little bride over whom she
-had gained so complete an ascendancy, showing her husband Amy’s worst
-side, the aspect of her which he might never have known but for that
-fatal companion ever near. And now she had ruined him
-altogether&mdash;ruined him as in old stories the Pamelas of the village were
-ruined by a villain who took advantage of their simplicity. What lovely
-woman who had stooped to folly could be more ruined than this unhappy
-young man? He laughed to himself at this horrible travesty of that old
-familiar eighteenth century tale. This was the <i>fin de siecle</i> version
-of it, he supposed&mdash;the version in which it was the designing woman who
-seized upon the moment of weakness and the man who suffered shipwreck of
-everything in consequence. There was a horrible sort of ridicule in it
-which wrought poor Aubrey almost to madness. When the woman is the
-victim, however sorely she may be to blame for her own disgrace, a sort
-of pathos and romance is about her, and pity is winged with indignation
-against the man who is supposed to have taken advantage of her weakness.
-But when it is a man who is the victim! Then the mildest condemnation he
-can look for is the coarse laugh of contempt, the inextinguishable
-ridicule, to which even in fiction it is too great a risk to expose a
-hero. He was no hero&mdash;but an unhappy young man fallen into the most
-dreadful position in which man could be, shut out of all hope of ever
-recovering himself, marked by the common scorn&mdash;no ordinary sinner, a
-man who had profaned his own home, and all the most sacred prejudices of
-humanity. He had felt all that deeply when he rushed from his house, a
-man distraught not knowing where he went. And then morning and evening,
-and the dews and the calm, and the freshness and elasticity inalienable
-from youth had driven despair and horror away. He had felt it at last
-impossible that all his life&mdash;a life which he desired to live out in
-duty and kindness, and devotion to God and man&mdash;should be spoiled for
-ever by his momentary yielding to a horrible temptation. He had thought
-at first that he never could hold up his head again. But gradually the
-impression had been soothed away, and he had vainly hoped that such a
-thing might be left behind him and might be heard of no more.</p>
-
-<p>Now he was undeceived&mdash;now he was convinced that for what a man does he
-must answer, not only at the bar of God, where all the secrets of the
-heart are revealed, but also before men. There are times in which the
-former judgment is more easy to think of than the latter&mdash;for God knows
-all, everything that is in favour of the culprit, while men only know
-what is against him. A man with sorrow in his heart for all his
-shortcomings, can endure, upon his knees, that all-embracing gaze of
-infinite understanding and pity. But to stand before men who
-misconstrue, mis-see, misapprehend, how different a thing it is&mdash;who do
-not know the end from the beginning, to whom the true balance and
-perfect poise of justice is almost impossible&mdash;who can judge only as
-they know, and who can know only the husk and shell of fact, the
-external aspect of affairs by the side which is visible to them. All
-these thoughts went through Aubrey’s mind as he went listlessly about
-those familiar streets in their autumnal quiet, no crowd about, nothing
-to interrupt the progress of the wayfarer. He went across the Green
-Park, which is brown in the decadence of summer, almost as solitary as
-if he had been in his own desolate glades at home. London has a
-soothing effect sometimes on such a still, sunny autumn day, when it
-seems to rest after the worry and heat and strain of all its frivolity
-and folly. The soft haze blurs all the outlines, makes the trees too
-dark and the sky too pale; yet it is sunshine and not fog which wraps
-the landscape, even that landscape which lies between Pall Mall and
-Piccadilly. It soothed our young man a little in the despair of his
-thoughts. Surely, surely at eight-and-twenty everything could not be
-over. Bee would in a year or two be the mistress of her own actions. She
-was not a meek girl, to be coerced by her father. She would judge for
-herself in such a dreadful emergency. After all that had passed, the
-whole facts of the case would have to be submitted to her, which was a
-thought that enveloped him as in flames of shame. Yet she would judge
-for herself, and her judgment would be more like that of heaven than
-like that of earth. A kind of celestial ray gleamed upon him in this
-thought.</p>
-
-<p>And as for these other claims&mdash;well, if any claim were put forth he
-would not shrink&mdash;would not try to compromise, would not try to hide
-his shame under piles of gold. Now he had no motive for concealment, he
-would face it out and have the question set straight in the eye of day.
-To be sure, for a man to accuse a woman is against the whole
-conventional code of honour. To accuse all women is the commonplace of
-every day; but to put the blame of seduction upon one is what a man dare
-not do save in the solitude of his chamber&mdash;or in such a private
-inquisition as Aubrey had gone through that day. This is one of the
-proofs that there is much to be said on both sides, and that it is the
-unscrupulous of either side who has the most power to humble and to
-destroy. But the bravado did him good for the moment&mdash;let her make her
-claim, whatever that claim was, and he would meet it in the face of day!</p>
-
-<p>Other ideas came rapidly into Aubrey’s mind when he strolled listlessly
-into his club, and almost ran against the friend in whose house he had
-first met Colonel Kingsward, and through whom consequently all that had
-afterwards happened had come about. “Fairfield!” he cried, with a gleam
-of sudden hope in his eyes.</p>
-
-<p>“Leigh! You here?&mdash;I thought you were philandering on the banks of&mdash;some
-German river or other. Well! and so I hear I have to congratulate you,
-my boy&mdash;and I’m sure I do so with all my heart&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“You might have done so a week ago, and I should have responded with all
-mine. But you see me fallen again on darker days. Fate’s against me, it
-seems, in every way.”</p>
-
-<p>“Why, what’s the matter?” cried his friend. “I expected to see you
-triumphant. What has gone wrong? Not settlements already, eh?”</p>
-
-<p>“Settlements! They are free to make what settlements they like so far as
-I am concerned.”</p>
-
-<p>“Kingsward’s a very cool hand, Aubrey. You may lose your head if you
-like, but he always knows what he is about. You are an excellent
-match&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“You think so,” said poor Aubrey, with a laugh. “Not badly off; a mild,
-domestic fellow, with no devil in me at all.</p>
-
-<p>“I should not exactly say that. A man is no man without a spice of the
-devil. Why, what’s the matter? Now I look at you, instead of a
-victorious lover, you have the most miserable hang-dog&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Hang-dog, that is it&mdash;a rope’s end, and all over. Hang it, no! I am not
-going to give in. Fairfield, I don’t want to speak disrespectfully of
-any woman.”</p>
-
-<p>“Is it Mrs. Kingsward who is too young, herself, to think of enacting
-the part of mother-in-law so soon as this?”</p>
-
-<p>“Mrs. Kingsward is a sort of an angel, Fairfield, if it were not
-old-fashioned to say so&mdash;and, alas, I fear, she will not enact any part
-long, which is so much the worse for me.”</p>
-
-<p>“You don’t say so! That pretty creature, with all her pretty ways, and
-her daughter just the same age as she! Poor Kingsward. Aubrey, if a man
-shows a little impatience with your raptures in such circumstances, I
-don’t think you ought to be hard upon him.”</p>
-
-<p>“I don’t believe he knows what are the circumstances, nor any of them.
-It is not from that cause, Fairfield. You know Miss Lance, poor Amy’s
-friend&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>Once more he grew hot all over as he named her name, and turned his face
-from his friend’s gaze.</p>
-
-<p>“Remember her! I should think so, and all you had to bear on that point,
-old man. We have often said, Mary and I, that if ever there was a
-hero&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Fairfield! they have got up a tale that it was I who kept her at
-Forest-leigh against poor Amy’s will, and that my poor wife’s life was
-made miserable by my attentions to that fi&mdash;&mdash;.” Fiend he would have
-said, but he changed it to “woman,” which meant to him at that moment
-the same thing.</p>
-
-<p>Fairfield stared for a moment&mdash;was he taking a new idea into his
-commonplace mind? Then he burst into a loud laugh. “You can call the
-whole county to bear witness to that,” he cried. “Attentions! Well, I
-suppose you were civil, which was really more than anyone expected from
-you.”</p>
-
-<p>“You know, and everybody knows, what a thorn in the flesh it was. My
-poor Amy! Without that, there would have been no cloud on our life, and
-it all arose from her best qualities, her tender heart, her
-faithfulness&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>A dubious shade came over Fairfield’s face. “Yes, no doubt; and Miss
-Lance’s flattery and blandishments. Aubrey, I don’t mind saying it now
-that you are well quit of her&mdash;that was a woman to persuade a fellow
-into anything. I should no more have dared to keep her&mdash;especially
-after&mdash;in my house, and to expose myself to her wiles&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“They never were wiles for me,” said Aubrey, again turning his head
-away. It was true, true&mdash;far more true than the fatal contradiction of
-it, which lay upon his heart like a stone. “I never came nearer to
-hating any of God’s creatures than that woman. She made my life a burden
-to me. She took my wife from me&mdash;&mdash;. She&mdash;&mdash; I needn’t get dithyrambic
-on the subject; you all know.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, yes, we all know; but you were too soft-hearted. You should have
-risked a fit of tears from poor Mrs. Leigh&mdash;excuse me for saying so
-now&mdash;and sent her away.”</p>
-
-<p>“I tried it a dozen times. Poor Amy would have broken her heart. She
-threatened even to go with her. And they say women don’t make
-friendships with each other!”</p>
-
-<p>Fairfield shrugged his shoulders a little. “I suffer myself from my
-wife’s friends,” he said; “there’s always some ‘dear Clara’ or other
-putting the table out of joint, making me search heaven and earth when
-there’s anybody to dinner to find an odd man. But Mary has some&mdash;&mdash;”
-Sense, he was going to say, but stopped short. Mrs. Fairfield was one of
-those who had concluded long ago that dear Amy was a little goose, taken
-sad advantage of by her persistent friend.</p>
-
-<p>“Fairfield,” said Aubrey, “you could do me a great service if you would.
-Colonel Kingsward has just told me that he can’t send out a royal
-commission to examine my friends on this subject. You see him sometimes,
-I suppose. I know you belong to one of his clubs. Still more, he’s at
-his office all the morning, and you know him well enough to look in upon
-him there.”</p>
-
-<p>“Well?” said Fairfield, dubiously.</p>
-
-<p>“Couldn’t you stretch a point for my sake, and go&mdash;and tell him the real
-state of affairs in respect to Miss Lance, and how untrue it is, how
-ridiculously untrue, that she was kept at Forest-leigh by any will of
-mine? Why, it was a thing, as you have just said, that all the county
-knew! An infatuation&mdash;and nothing less than the bane of my whole
-married life.”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, I know&mdash;everybody thought so,” Mr. Fairfield said. That new
-idea&mdash;was it perhaps germinating faintly in his mind?&mdash;no one had
-thought of any other explanation, but yet&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“If you were only to say so&mdash;only as much as that&mdash;that all my friends
-recognised the state of the case.”</p>
-
-<p>“I could say that,” said Fairfield, with hesitation. “Don’t think me
-unfriendly, Aubrey, but it’s a little awkward for a man to interfere in
-another man’s affairs, and it’s not only your affairs that I know so
-well, but you see Kingsward’s too&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“I am aware of that, Fairfield; still, to break off what I believe in my
-heart would be for his daughter’s happiness too&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“To be sure there’s the young lady to be taken into consideration,” said
-Fairfield, dubiously.</p>
-
-<p>It will be as well to carry this incident to its completion at once. Mr.
-Fairfield at the last allowed himself to be convinced, and he went that
-afternoon to the club, to which he still belonged by some early
-military experiences, and where Colonel Kingsward was one of those who
-ruled supreme. He knew exactly when to find him at the club, where he
-strolled in after leaving his office, to refresh himself with a cup of
-tea, or something else in its place. The intercessor went up to the
-table at which the Colonel sat with the evening paper, and conversed for
-a little on the topics of the day. After these had been run over, and
-the prospects of war slightly discussed&mdash;for Colonel Kingsward had not
-much respect for Mr. Fairfield’s opinion on that subject&mdash;the latter
-gentleman said abruptly&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>“I say, Kingsward, I am very sorry to hear there is some hitch in the
-marriage which I was so glad to hear of last week.”</p>
-
-<p>“Ah, oh! So Leigh has been with you, I presume?” the Colonel replied.</p>
-
-<p>“Yes; and, upon my life, Colonel, there is not a word of truth in any
-talk you may have heard about that Miss Lance&mdash;&mdash;. We all know quite
-well the whole business. You should hear Mary on the subject. Of course,
-he can’t say to you, poor fellow, that his first wife was a little
-queer, and that that woman made her her slave.”</p>
-
-<p>“No; it wasn’t to be expected that he would tell me that.”</p>
-
-<p>“But it’s true. She got completely the upper hand of that poor little
-thing. The husband had no influence. I believe he hated her&mdash;like the
-devil.”</p>
-
-<p>“You think so,” said the Colonel, with a strange smile, “yet it is a
-curious thing that he endured her all the same, and also that a wife
-should insist so in keeping another woman in her husband’s constant
-company&mdash;and an attractive woman, as I hear.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh! a devil of a woman,” cried Fairfield. “I was telling Aubrey I
-should no more have ventured to expose myself to her blandishments&mdash;&mdash;.
-One of those sort of women, you know, that you cannot abide, yet who can
-turn you round their little finger.”</p>
-
-<p>“And what did he say to that?” the Colonel asked, still with that smile.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, he said she never had any charm for him&mdash;and I believe it&mdash;for what
-with poor little Mrs. Leigh’s whims and vagaries, and the other’s
-flatteries and adulation and complete empire over her, his life was
-made a burden to him. You should hear Mary on that subject&mdash;none of the
-ladies could keep their patience.”</p>
-
-<p>“Yet it appears Mr. Aubrey Leigh kept his&mdash;&mdash; until he got tired,” said
-the Colonel. “Believe me, Fairfield, when there is such an unnatural
-situation as that, there must be more in it than meets the eye.”</p>
-
-<p>Fairfield, a good, steady soul, who generally had his ideas suggested to
-him, went away very serious from that interview. It was very strange
-indeed that a woman should prefer her friend to her husband, and make
-things wretched for him in order to keep her comfortable&mdash;it was very
-curious that with a woman so much superior to Amy in the house, a woman
-of the kind that turn men’s heads, that mild Aubrey Leigh, who was not
-distinguished for force of character, should have never sought a
-moment’s relief with her from poor Mrs. Leigh’s querulousness. Fairfield
-accelerated his departure by an hour or two in order not to meet Aubrey
-again before he had poured those strange doubts and suggestions into his
-own Mary’s ears.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XI" id="CHAPTER_XI"></a>CHAPTER XI.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">The</span> party of travellers whose progress had hitherto been like that of a
-party of pleasure, who had been interested in everything they saw, and
-hailed every new place with delight, as if that had been the haven of
-all their hopes, travelled home from Cologne in a very different spirit.
-For one thing, it could not be concealed that Mrs. Kingsward was ill,
-which was a thing that she herself and the whole family stoutly, one
-standing by another, had hitherto been able to deny. She had not gone
-far, not an hour’s journey, when she had to abandon her seat by the
-window&mdash;where it had always been her delight to “see the country,” and
-point out every village to her children&mdash;and lie down upon the temporary
-couch which Moulsey prepared for her with shawls and cushions along one
-side of the carriage. She cried out against herself as “self-indulgent”
-and “lazy,” but she did not resist this arrangement. It effectually took
-any pleasure that there might have been out of the journey: for Bee, as
-may be supposed, though she was not melancholy, and would not admit,
-even to Betty, in the closest confidence, that she was at all afraid of
-the ultimate issue, was certainly self-absorbed, and glad not to be
-called upon to notice the scenery, but allowed to subside into a corner
-with her own thoughts. Charlie was in the opposite corner, exceedingly
-glum, and not conversible. Bee would not speak to him or look at him,
-and even Betty, that little thing, had said, “Oh, Charlie, how could you
-be so nasty to Aubrey?” for her sole salutation that morning. He was not
-sure even that his mother, though he had stood on her side and backed
-her up, was pleased with him for it. She talked to him, it is true,
-occasionally, and made him do little things for her, but rather in the
-way in which a mother singles out the pariah of the family, the one who
-is boycotted for some domestic offence, to show him that all are not
-against him, than in the tone which is used to a champion and defender.
-So it was not wonderful that Charlie was glum; but to see him in one
-corner, biting or trying to bite the few hairs that he called his
-moustache, with his brows bent down to his chin, and his chin sunk in
-the collar of his coat&mdash;and Bee in another, very different&mdash;indeed, her
-face glorified with dreams, and her eyes full of latent light, ready to
-flash out at any moment&mdash;was not cheerful for the others.</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Kingsward looked at them from one to another, and at little Betty
-between busied in a little book, with that baffled feeling which arises
-in the mind of a delicate woman when the strong individualities and
-wills of her children become first developed before her, after that time
-of their youth when all were guided by her decision, and mamma’s leave
-was asked for everything. How fierce, how self-willed, how determined in
-his opposition Charlie looked like his father, not to be moved by
-anything! And Bee, how possessed by those young hopes of her own, which
-the mother knew would be of no avail against the fiat gone forth against
-her! Mrs. Kingsward knew her husband better than her children did. She
-knew that having taken up his position he would not give in. And Bee,
-with all that light of resistance in her eyes&mdash;Bee as little willing to
-give in as he! The invalid trembled when she thought of the clash of
-arms that would resound over her head&mdash;of the struggle which would rend
-her cheerful house in two. She did not at all realise that the cheerful
-days of that house were numbered&mdash;that soon it would be reduced into its
-elements, as a somewhat clamorous, restless, too energetic brood of
-children, with a father very self-willed, who hitherto had known nothing
-of them but as happy and obedient creatures, whose individual
-determinations concerned games and lessons, and who, so far as the
-conduct of life was affected, were of no particular account. Mrs.
-Kingsward was not yet aware that this was the dolorous prospect before
-her household; she only thought, “How am I to manage them all?” and felt
-her heart fail before Charlie’s ill humour and <i>parti pris</i>, and before
-the bright defiance in Bee’s eyes. Poor Aubrey, whom she had learned to
-look upon as one of her own, half a son, and half a brother&mdash;poor
-Aubrey, who had gone so wrong, and yet had so many excuses for him, a
-victim rather than a seducer&mdash;what was happening to Aubrey this fine
-September morning? It made her heart sick in her bosom as she thought of
-all these newly-raised conflicting powers, and she so little able to
-cope with them. If she did not get strong soon, what would all these
-children do? Charlie would go back to college, and would be out of it.
-He had so strong a will, and was so determined to get on, that little
-harm would happen to him&mdash;and besides, he was entirely in accord with
-his father, which was a great matter. But Bee&mdash;Bee! It seemed to Mrs.
-Kingsward that it was on the cards that Bee might take matters into her
-own hands, and run away with her lover, if her father would not yield.
-What else was there for these young creatures? Mrs. Kingsward knew that
-she herself would have done so in the circumstances had <i>her</i> lover
-insisted; and she knew that he would no more have consented to such a
-sentence&mdash;never, never!&mdash;than he had done to anything he disliked all
-his life. And Bee was like him, though she had never hitherto been
-anything but an obedient child. Mrs. Kingsward could not help picturing
-to herself, as she lay there, the elopement&mdash;Bee’s room found empty in
-the morning, the note left on the table, the so easy, so certain
-explanation, which already she felt herself to be reading. And then her
-husband’s wrath, his unalterable verdict on the criminal “never to enter
-this house again!” Poor mother! She foresaw, as we all do, tortures for
-herself, which she was never to be called upon to bear.</p>
-
-<p>As for Betty, it was the most tiresome journey in all her little
-experiences. A long journey was generally fun to Betty. The scuffle of
-getting away, of seeing that all the little packets were right, of
-abusing Moulsey for hiding away the luncheon basket under the rugs and
-the books in some locked bag, the trouble of securing a compartment,
-arranging umbrellas and other things in the vacant seats to make believe
-that every place was full, the watch at every station to prevent the
-intrusion of strangers, the running from one side to another to see the
-pretty village or old castle, or the funny people at the country
-stations and the queer names&mdash;the luncheon in the middle of the day,
-which was as good as a pic-nic&mdash;all these things much diverted Betty,
-who loved the rapid movement through the air, and to feel the wind on
-her face; but none of these delights were to be had to-day. She was in
-one of the middle places, between Charlie, so glum and in a temper, and
-Bee, lost in her own thoughts and without a word to say, and opposite to
-mamma, who was so much more serious than usual, giving little Betty a
-smile from time to time, but not able to speak loud enough to be heard
-through the din of the train. She tried to read her book but it was not
-a very interesting book, and it was short too, and evidently would not
-last out half the journey. Betty was the only member of the party who
-had a free mind. The commotion of the romance between Bee and Aubrey had
-been pure amusement to her. It would be a bore if it did not end in a
-speedy marriage, with all the excitement of the presents, the
-trousseau, the dresses (especially the bridesmaids’ dresses), the
-wedding day itself, the increased dignity of Betty as Miss Kingsward,
-the pleasure of talking of “my married sister,” the pleasure of visiting
-Bee, in her own house, and sharing all her grandeur as a county lady. To
-miss all this would be a real trial, but Betty had confidence in the
-fitness of things, and felt it was impossible that she should miss all
-this. And she was at ease in her little mind, and the present dreariness
-of this unamusing, unattractive journey hung all the more heavy upon her
-consciousness now.</p>
-
-<p>They arrived next day, having slept at Brussels to break the journey for
-Mrs. Kingsward, and the Colonel met them, as in duty bound, at Victoria.
-He gave Charlie his hand, and allowed Bee and Betty to kiss him, but his
-whole attention, as was natural, was for his wife.</p>
-
-<p>“You look dreadfully tired,” he said, with that half-tone of offence in
-which a man shows his disappointment at the aspect of an invalid. “You
-must have been worried on the journey to look so tired.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, no, I have not been at all worried on the journey&mdash;they have all
-been so good, sparing me every fatigue; but it is a tiresome long way,
-Edward, you know.”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, of course, I know: but I never saw you look so tired before.” He
-cast a reproachful look round upon the young people, who were all ready
-to stand on the defensive. “You must have bothered your mother to
-death,” he said. “I am sorry I did not come out for her myself&mdash;undoing
-all the effect of her cure.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, you will see, I shall be all right when I get home,” Mrs. Kingsward
-said, cheerfully. “As for the children, Edward, they have all been as
-good as gold.”</p>
-
-<p>“You had better see to the luggage and bring your sisters home in a cab.
-I can’t let mamma hang about here,” said the Colonel, in his peremptory
-way. “Moulsey will come with us. I suppose you three have brains enough
-to manage by yourselves?”</p>
-
-<p>Thus insulting his grown-up children, among whom a flame of indignation
-lighted up, partially burning away their difficulties between
-themselves, Colonel Kingsward half carried his wife to the carriage. “I
-thought at first I should have waited at Kingswarden till you came back.
-I am glad I changed my mind and came back to Harley Street,” he said.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, is it to Harley Street we are going?” said Mrs. Kingsward, faintly.
-“I had rather hoped for the country, Edward.”</p>
-
-<p>“You don’t look much like another twenty miles of a journey,” said her
-husband.</p>
-
-<p>“Well, perhaps not. I own I shall be glad to be quiet,” the poor lady
-said. What he wished had always turned out after a moment to be just
-what his wife wished for all the years of their union. She even meekly
-accepted the fact that the children&mdash;the nursery children, as they were
-called&mdash;the little ones, who were no trouble but only a refreshment and
-delight, would have been too much for her that first night. Secretly,
-she had been looking forward to the touch and sight of her placid
-smiling baby as the one thing that would do her good&mdash;and all those
-large wet kisses of Johnny and Tommy and Lucy and little Margaret, and
-the burst of delighted voices at the sight of mamma. “Yes, I believe it
-would have been too much for me,” she said, with a look aside at
-Moulsey, who, as on many a previous occasion, would dearly have loved to
-box her master’s ears. “And I <i>do</i> believe it would have been too much
-for me,” Mrs. Kingsward added, when that confidential attendant put her
-to bed.</p>
-
-<p>“Perhaps it would, ma’am,” Moulsey said. “They would have made a noise,
-bless them&mdash;and baby will not go to anyone when he sees me&mdash;and
-altogether I shall be more fit for them, Moulsey, after a good night’s
-rest&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“If you get that, you poor dear,” said Moulsey, under her breath. But
-her mistress did not hear that remark any more than many others which
-Moulsey made in her own mind, always addressed to that mistress whom she
-loved. “If he said dying would be good for you, you would say you were
-sure of it, and that was what you wanted most,” the maid said within
-herself.</p>
-
-<p>It must not, however, be supposed from this that Colonel Kingsward was
-not a good husband. He had always been like a lover, though a somewhat
-peremptory one, to his wife. And without him her young, gay,
-pleasure-loving ways, her love of life and amusement might have made her
-a much less successful personage, and not the example of every virtue
-that she was. Had Mrs. Kingsward had the upper hand, the family would
-have been a very different family, and its career probably a very
-broken, tumultuous, happy-go-lucky career. It was that strong hand which
-had controlled and guided her, which had been, as people say, the making
-of Mrs. Kingsward; and though she feared his severity in the present
-crisis, she yet felt the most unspeakable relief from the baffled,
-helpless condition in which she had looked at her children, feeling
-herself all unable to cope with them in the presence of papa.</p>
-
-<p>“I wonder if he thinks we are cabbages,” was Bee’s indignant exclamation
-as he turned his back upon them.</p>
-
-<p>“Apparently,” said Charlie, coming a little out of his sullenness. “Look
-here, you girls, get into this omnibus&mdash;happily we’ve got an
-omnibus&mdash;with the little things, while I go to the Custom House to get
-the luggage through.”</p>
-
-<p>“Betty, you get in,” said Bee. “I will go with you, Charlie, for I have
-got mamma’s keys.”</p>
-
-<p>“Can’t you give them to me?” Charlie cast a gloomy look about, thinking
-that Leigh might perhaps be somewhere awaiting a word, a thought which
-now for the first time traversed Bee’s mind, too.</p>
-
-<p>“Then, Betty, you had better go with him, for he doesn’t know half the
-boxes,” she said.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, you can come yourself if you like,” said Charlie, feeling in that
-case that this was the safest arrangement after all.</p>
-
-<p>“No, Betty had better go. Betty, you know Moulsey’s box and that new
-basket that mamma brought me before we left the Baths.”</p>
-
-<p>“Come along yourself, quick, Bee.”</p>
-
-<p>“No, I shall stop in the omnibus.”</p>
-
-<p>“When you have made up your minds,” cried Betty, who had slipped out of
-the vehicle at the first word. Betty thought it would be more fun to go
-through the Custom House than to wait all the time cooped up here.</p>
-
-<p>And Bee had her reward; for Aubrey was there, waiting at a distance
-till the matter was settled. “I should have risked everything and come,
-even if the penalty had been a quarrel with Charlie,” Aubrey said, “but
-I must not quarrel with anyone if I can help it. We shall have hard work
-enough without that.”</p>
-
-<p>“You have seen papa?”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, I have seen him: but I have not done myself much good, I fear,”
-said Aubrey, shaking his head. “Bee, you won’t give me up whatever they
-may say?”</p>
-
-<p>“Give you up? Never, Aubrey, till you give me up!”</p>
-
-<p>“Then all is safe, my darling. However things look now they can’t hold
-out for ever. Lies must be found out, and then&mdash;in time&mdash;you will be
-able to act for yourself.”</p>
-
-<p>“Do you think papa will stand to it like that, Aubrey?”</p>
-
-<p>Aubrey shook his head. He did not make any reply.</p>
-
-<p>“Tell me. Is it a lie?” she said.</p>
-
-<p>He bent down his head upon her hand, kissing it.</p>
-
-<p>“Not all,” he said, in an almost inaudible voice. “ I said that&mdash;at
-Cologne&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“I did not understand,” said Bee. “No; it does not matter to me,
-Aubrey&mdash;not so very much; but if you promised&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“I never promised&mdash;never! My only thought was to escape&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Then I can’t think what you have done wrong. Aubrey, is she tall, with
-dark hair, and beautiful dark eyes, and a way of looking at you as if
-she would look you through and through?”</p>
-
-<p>“Bee!” he said, gripping her fast, as if someone had been about to decoy
-her away.</p>
-
-<p>“And a mouth,” said Bee, “that is very pretty, but looks as if it were
-cut out of steel? Then, I have seen her. She sat down by me one day in
-the wood, when I was doing that sketch, and gave me such clever hints,
-telling me how to finish it, till she made me hate it, don’t you know.
-Is she horribly clever, and a good artist? and like that&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Bee! What did that woman say to you?”</p>
-
-<p>“Nothing very much. Asked me about the people at the hotel, and if there
-were any Leighs&mdash;not you, she pretended, but the Leighs of Hurst-leigh,
-whom she knew. I thought it very strange at the time why she should ask
-about the Leighs without knowing anything&mdash;and then I forgot all about
-it. But to-day it came back to my mind, and I have been thinking of
-nothing else. Aubrey&mdash;she is older than you are?”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes,” he said.</p>
-
-<p>“And she made you promise to marry her?” said Bee, half unconscious yet
-half conscious of that wile of the cross-examiner, coming back to the
-point suddenly.</p>
-
-<p>“Never, Bee, never for one moment in my misery! That I should have to
-make such a confession to you!&mdash;but there was no promise nor thought of
-a promise. I desired nothing&mdash;nothing but to escape from her. You don’t
-doubt my word, Bee?”</p>
-
-<p>“No; I don’t doubt anything you say. But I think she is a dreadful woman
-to get anybody in her power, Aubrey. My little drawing was for you. It
-was the place we first met, and she told me how to do it and make it
-look so much better. I am not very clever at it, you know; and then I
-hated the very sight of it, and tore it in two. I don’t know why.”</p>
-
-<p>“I understand why. Bee, you will be faithful to me, whatever you are
-told?”</p>
-
-<p>“Till I die, Aubrey.”</p>
-
-<p>“And never, never believe that for a moment my heart will change from
-you.”</p>
-
-<p>“Not till I hear it from yourself,” she said, with a woeful smile. The
-despair in him communicated itself to her, who had not been despairing
-at all.</p>
-
-<p>“Which will never be&mdash;and when you are your own mistress, my
-darling&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, we shan’t have to wait for that!” she cried, with a burst of her
-native energy. “Dear Aubrey, they are coming back; you must go away.”</p>
-
-<p>“Till we meet again, darling?”</p>
-
-<p>“Till we meet again!”</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XII" id="CHAPTER_XII"></a>CHAPTER XII.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">Bee</span> stole into her mother’s room as she went upstairs before that first
-dinner at home which used to be such a joyous meal. How they had all
-enjoyed it&mdash;until now. The ease and space, the going from room to room,
-the delight in finding everything with which they were familiar, the
-flowers in the vases (never were any such flowers as those at home!),
-the incursions of the little ones shouting to each other, “Mamma’s come
-home!” Even the little air of disorder which all these interruptions
-brought into the orderly house was delightful to the young people. They
-looked forward as to an ideal life, to beginning all their usual
-occupations again and doing them all better than ever. “Oh, how nice it
-is to be at home!” the girls had said to each other. Instead of those
-hotel rooms, which at their best are never more than hotel rooms, a
-<i>genre</i> not to be mistaken, how delightful was the drawing-room at home,
-with all its corners&mdash;Bee’s little table where she muddled at her
-drawings, mamma’s great basket of needlework where everything could be
-thrown under charitable cover, Betty’s stool on which she sat at the
-feet of her oracle of the moment, whoever that might be, and all the
-little duties to be resumed&mdash;the evening papers arranged for papa (as if
-he had not seen enough of them in the daytime in his office!), the
-flowers to see after, the little notes to write, all the pleasant
-common-places of the home life. But to-night, for the first time, dinner
-was a silent meal, hurried over&mdash;not much better than a dinner at a
-railway station, with a sensation in it of being still on the road, of
-not having yet reached their destination. The drawing-room was in brown
-holland still, for they were all going on to Kingswarden to-morrow. The
-house felt formal, uninhabited, as if they had come home to lodgings.
-All this was bad enough; but the primary trouble of all was the fact
-that mamma was upstairs&mdash;gone to bed before dinner, too tired to sit up.
-Such a thing had never happened before. However tired she was, she had
-always so brightened up at the sensation of coming home.</p>
-
-<p>And papa, though kind, was very grave. The happiness of getting his
-family back did not show in his face and all his actions as it generally
-did. Colonel Kingsward was very kind as a father, and very tender as a
-husband; the severity of his character showed little at home. His wife
-was aware of it, and so were the servants, and Charlie, I think, had
-begun to suspect what a hand of iron was covered by that velvet glove.
-But the girls had never had any occasion to fear their father. Bee
-thought that the additional gravity of his behaviour was owing to
-herself and her introduction of a new individual interest into the
-family; so that, notwithstanding a touch of indignation, with which she
-felt the difference, she was timid and not without a sense of guilt
-before her father. Never had she been rebellious or disobedient before;
-and she was both now, determined not to submit. This made her
-self-conscious and rather silent; she who was always overflowing with
-talk and fun and the story of their travels. Colonel Kingsward did not
-ask many questions about that. What he did ask was all about “your
-mother.”</p>
-
-<p>“She is not looking so well as when she went away,” he said.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, papa, it’s only because she’s so tired,” cried little Betty. Betty
-taking upon her to answer papa, to take the responsibility upon her
-little shoulders! But Bee felt as if she could not say anything.</p>
-
-<p>“Do you really think so?” he said, turning to that confident little
-speaker&mdash;to Betty. As if Betty could know anything about it! But Bee
-seemed paralysed and could not speak.</p>
-
-<p>She stole, as I have said, into her mother’s room on her way upstairs,
-but she had hardly time to say a word when papa came in to see if Mrs.
-Kingsward had eaten anything, and how she felt now that she was
-comfortably established in her own bed. It irritated Bee to feel herself
-thus deprived of the one little bit of possible expansion, and stirred
-her spirit. With her cheek to her mother’s, she said in her ear, “Mamma,
-I saw Aubrey at the station,” with a thrill of pleasure and defiance in
-saying that, though secretly, in her father’s presence.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Bee!” said Mrs. Kingsward, with a faint cry of alarm.</p>
-
-<p>“And he told me,” continued Bee, breathless in her whisper, “that papa
-was firm against us.”</p>
-
-<p>“Bee! Bee!”</p>
-
-<p>“And we promised each other we should never, never give up, whatever
-anyone might say.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, child, how dare you, how dare you?” Mrs. Kingsward said.</p>
-
-<p>How Bee’s heart beat! What an enlivening, inspiriting strain of
-opposition came into her mind, making her cheeks glow and her eyes
-flame! The whisper was, perhaps, a child’s device, perhaps a woman’s
-weakness, but it exhilarated her beyond description to say all this in
-the very presence of her father. There was a sensation of girlish
-mischief in it as well as defiance, which relieved all the heavier
-sentiments that had weighed down her heart.</p>
-
-<p>“What are you saying to your mother, Bee? She must not be disturbed. Run
-away and let her rest. If we are to go back to Kingswarden to-morrow she
-must get all the rest that is possible now.”</p>
-
-<p>“I was never the one to disturb mamma,” said Bee, bestowing another kiss
-on her mother’s cheek.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, be a good child, Bee!” pleaded Mrs. Kingsward, almost without
-sound; for by this time the Colonel was hovering over the bed, with a
-touch of suspicion, wondering what was going on between these two.</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, mamma dear, always,” said Bee, aloud.</p>
-
-<p>“What is she promising, Lucy? And what were you saying to her? Bee
-should know better at her age than to disturb you with talk.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, nothing, Edward. She was only giving me a kiss, and I told her to
-be a good child&mdash;as I am always doing; thinking to be heard, you know,
-for so much speaking,” the mother said, with a soft laugh.</p>
-
-<p>“Bee has always been a sufficiently good child. I don’t think you need
-trouble yourself on that point. The thing is for you to get well, my
-dear, and keep an easy mind. Don’t trouble about anything; leave all
-that to me, and try and think a little about yourself.”</p>
-
-<p>“I always do, Edward,” she said with a smile.</p>
-
-<p>He shook his head, but agitation had brought a colour to her cheeks, and
-to persuade one’s-self that it is only fatigue that makes a beloved face
-look pale is so easy at first, before any grave alarm has been roused.
-Yet, Colonel Kingsward’s mind was not an easy one that night. He was <i>au
-fond</i>, a severe man, very rigid as to what he thought his duty, taking
-life seriously on the whole. His young wife, who loved pleasure, had
-made him far more a man of society than was natural or indeed pleasing
-to him; but he had thus got into that current which it is so difficult
-to get out of without a too stern withdrawal, and his large young family
-had warmed his heart and dressed his aspect in many smiles and graces
-which did not belong to him by nature. The mixture of the rigid and the
-yielding had produced nothing but good effects upon his character till
-now. But there is no telling what a man is till the first conflict of
-wills arises in his own household. Hitherto there had been nothing of
-the kind. His children had amused him and pleased him and made him
-proud. Their health, their prettiness, their infantile gaiety and
-delight in every favour accorded to them had been all so many tributes
-to his own supreme influence and power. Their very health was a standing
-compliment to his own health and vigour, from whom they took their
-excellent constitutions, and to the wonderful care and attention to
-every law of health which he enforced in his house. Not a drain escaped
-trapping, not a gas was left undisposed of where Colonel Kingsward was.
-He had every new suggestion in his nursery that sanitary science could
-bring up. “And look at the result!” he was in the habit of saying. Not a
-pale face, not a headache, not an invalid member there. And among the
-children he was as the sun in his splendour. Every delight rayed out
-from him. The hour of his coming home was watched for; it was the
-greatest treat for the little boys to go in the dogcart with Simmons,
-the groom, to fetch papa from the station, while the others assembled at
-the door as at a daily celebration to see him arrive. Charlie was now a
-man grown, but he was a good boy, full of all right impulses, and there
-had never been any difficulty with him.</p>
-
-<p>Thus Colonel Kingsward had been kept from all knowledge of those
-contrarieties of nature which appear even in the most favoured regions.
-He was of opinion that he surrounded his wife with every care, bore
-everything for her, did not suffer the winds of heaven to visit her
-cheek too roughly. And it was true. But he was not at all aware that she
-saved him anything, or that his joyful omnipotence and security from
-every fret and all opposition depended upon her more than on anything
-else in the world. He did not know the little inevitable jars which she
-smoothed away, the youthful wills growing into individuality which she
-kept in check. Which was a pity, for the strong man was thus deprived of
-the graces of precaution, and knew no more than the merest weakling
-what, as his children grow into men and women, every man has to face and
-provide against. If Colonel Kingsward was too arbitrary, too trenchant
-in his measures, too certain that there was no will but his own to be
-taken into account, the blame must thus be partially laid upon those
-natural fictions of boundless love and duty and sweet affectionate
-submission, which grow up in the nursery and reign as long as childhood
-lasts&mdash;until a more potent force of self or will or love, comes in to
-put the gentle dream to flight.</p>
-
-<p>It was thus that Colonel Kingsward considered the matter about Bee. It
-had been, of course, necessary to cross Bee two or three times in her
-life before. It had been necessary, or at least he had thought it
-necessary, to send her to school; it had been thought expedient to keep
-her back a year longer than she wished from appearing in the world.
-These decisions had cost tears and a little struggle, but in a few days
-Bee had forgotten all about them&mdash;or so, at least, her father thought.
-And a lover&mdash;at nineteen&mdash;what was that but another plaything, a
-novelty, a compliment, such as girls love? How could it mean anything
-more serious? Why, Bee was a child&mdash;a little girl, an ornamental adjunct
-to her mother, a sort of reflection, not to be detached for a long time
-from that source of all that was delightful in her. Colonel Kingsward
-had felt with a delighted surprise that the child and the mother did
-“throw up” each other when he began to go out with them together. Bee’s
-young beauty showing what mamma’s had been, and Mrs. Kingsward’s beauty
-(so much higher and sweeter than any girl’s wild-rose bloom could be)
-showing what in the after days her child would grow to. To cut these two
-asunder for a stranger&mdash;another man, an intruding personality thrusting
-himself between the child and her natural allegiance&mdash;was oppressive in
-any shape. At the first word, indeed, and in the amusement furnished him
-by the letters that had been poured upon him, Colonel Kingsward’s
-consent had been given almost without thought. Aubrey Leigh was a good
-match, he had a fine place, a valuable estate, and was well spoken of
-among men. If Lucy was so absurd as to wish her daughter to marry; if
-Bee, the silly child, was so foolish as to think of leaving her father’s
-house for another, that was probably as good a one as she could have
-chosen. I don’t know if fathers generally feel it a sort of desecration
-when their young daughters marry. Some fathers do, and some brothers, as
-if the creature pure by nature from all such thoughts were descending to
-a lower place, and becoming such an one as themselves. Colonel Kingsward
-was not, perhaps, visionary enough for such a view, yet he was slightly
-shocked in his sentiment about the perfection of his own house by this
-idea on his child’s part of leaving it for another. However, it was true
-he had a very large family, and to provide so well for one of them at
-the very outset of her career was a thing which was not to be despised.</p>
-
-<p>But when the second chapter of this romance, all so simple, so natural
-in its first phase, opened out, and there appeared a dark passage
-behind&mdash;a woman wronged who had a claim upon the man, a story, a
-scandal&mdash;whether it were true or untrue!&mdash;Colonel Kingsward, in his
-knowledge of the world, knew that it did not so much matter whether a
-story was true or untrue. It stuck, anyhow; and years, generations
-after, when, if false, it had been contradicted and exploded, and
-acknowledged to be false, people still would shake their heads and say,
-“Wasn’t there some story?” For this reason he was not very rigid about
-the facts, part of which, at least, the culprit admitted. There was a
-woman and there was a story, and all the explanations in the world could
-not do away with these. What did it matter about the man? He, Colonel
-Kingsward, was not Aubrey Leigh’s keeper. And as for Bee, there would be
-some tears, no doubt, as when she was sent to school&mdash;a little passion
-of disappointment, as when she was kept back for a whole year, from
-seventeen to eighteen, in her “coming out”&mdash;but the tears and the
-passion once over, things would go on the same as before. The little
-girl would go back to her place, and all would be well.</p>
-
-<p>This was the man’s delusion, and perhaps it was a natural one, and he
-was conscious of wishing to do the best thing for her, of saving her
-from the after tortures which a wife has to endure whose husband has
-proclivities towards strange women, and capabilities of being “led
-away.” That was a risk that he could understand much better than she
-could, at her age. The fellow might be proud of her, small blame to
-him&mdash;he might strive to escape from disgraceful entanglements by such an
-exceptionable connection as that of Colonel Kingsward, of Kingswarden,
-Harley Street, and the Intelligence Department; he might be very much in
-earnest and all that. He did not altogether blame the man; indeed, he
-was willing enough to allow that he was not a bad fellow, and that he
-was popular among his friends.</p>
-
-<p>But these were not enough in the case of a girl like Bee. And it was
-certainly for her good that her father was acting. She had known the man
-a month, what could he be to her in so short a time? This is the most
-natural of questions, constantly asked, and never finding any sufficient
-answer. Why should a girl in three or four weeks be so changed in all
-her thoughts as to be ready to give up her father’s house, the place in
-which she has all her associations, the company in which she has been
-so happy, and go away to the end of the world, perhaps with a man whom
-she has known only for a month? It is the commonest thing in the world,
-but also the most mysterious, and Colonel Kingsward refused to believe
-in it, as so many other fathers have done. Bee would cry, and her mother
-would console her. She would fly into a childish passion, and struggle
-against her fate&mdash;for a few days. She would swear that she would never,
-never give up that new plaything, and the joy of parading it before the
-other girls, who perhaps had not such toys to play with&mdash;but all that
-nonsense would give way in a little to firm guidance and considerate
-care, and the fresh course of amusement and pleasure which the winter
-would bring.</p>
-
-<p>The winter is by no means barren to those who spend it habitually in
-town. It has many distractions. There is the theatre, there are
-Christmas gatherings without number, there are new dresses also to be
-got for the same, perhaps a pretty new bonnet or two thrown in by a
-penitent father, very sorry even in his own interests to give his
-little girl pain. If all these pleasant things could not make up for the
-loss of a man&mdash;of doubtful character, too&mdash;whom she had only known for a
-month, Colonel Kingsward felt that it would be a strange thing indeed,
-and altogether beyond his power to explain.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIII" id="CHAPTER_XIII"></a>CHAPTER XIII.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">It</span> was not possible, however, to remove Mrs. Kingsward to Kingswarden
-next day. She was too much fatigued even to leave her bed, and the
-doctor who came to see her, her own familiar doctor who had sent her to
-Germany to the celebrated bath, looked a little grave when he saw the
-condition in which she had come home. “No fatigue, no excitement,” was
-what he enjoined. She was to have nothing to excite, nothing to disturb
-her&mdash;to go to the country? Oh, yes, but not for some days. To see the
-children? Certainly, the children could not be kept from their mother;
-but all in moderation, with great judgment, not too long at a time, not
-too often. And above all she must not be worried. Nothing must be done,
-nothing said to cross or vex her. When he heard from the Colonel a very
-brief and studiously subdued version of a little family business which
-had disturbed her&mdash;“I need not keep any secrets from you, doctor. The
-fact is that someone wanted to marry my girl Bee, and that I made some
-discoveries about him which obliged me to withdraw my consent.” The
-doctor formed his lips into a whistle, to which he did not give vent.
-“That accounts for it,” he said.</p>
-
-<p>“That accounts for&mdash;what?” cried Colonel Kingsward, not without
-irritation.</p>
-
-<p>“For the state in which I find her. And mind my words, Kingsward, you’d
-better let your girl marry anybody that isn’t a blackguard than risk
-that sort of shock with your wife. Never forget that her life&mdash;&mdash; I mean
-to say that she’s very delicate. Don’t let her be worried&mdash;stretch a
-point&mdash;have things done as she wishes. You will find it pay best in the
-end.”</p>
-
-<p>“For once you are talking nonsense, my dear fellow,” said Colonel
-Kingsward; “my wife is not a woman who has ever been set upon having her
-own way.”</p>
-
-<p>“Let her have it this time,” said the doctor, “and you’ll never repent
-it. If she wants Bee to marry, let her marry. Bee is a dear little
-thing, but her mother, Kingsward, her mother&mdash;is of far more consequence
-to you than even she&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“That is a matter of course,” said Colonel Kingsward. “Lucy is of more
-importance to me than all the world beside; but neither must I neglect
-the interests of my child.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, bother the child,” cried the doctor, “let her have her lover; the
-mother is what you must think of now.”</p>
-
-<p>“You seem tremendously in earnest, Southwood.”</p>
-
-<p>“So I am&mdash;tremendously in earnest. And don’t you work your mind on the
-subject, but do what I say.”</p>
-
-<p>“Do you mean to say that my wife is in a&mdash;state of danger?”</p>
-
-<p>“I mean that she must be kept from worry&mdash;she must not be
-contradicted&mdash;things must not be allowed to go contrary to her wishes.
-Poor little Bee! I don’t say you are to let her marry a blackguard. But
-don’t worry her mother about it&mdash;that is the chief thing I’ve got to
-say.”</p>
-
-<p>“No, I shan’t worry her mother about it,” said the Colonel, shutting his
-mouth closely as if he were locking it up. When Dr. Southwood was gone,
-however, he stopped the two girls who were lingering about to know the
-doctor’s opinion, and detaching Betty’s arm from about Bee’s waist drew
-his eldest daughter into his study and shut the door. “I want to speak
-to you, Bee,” he said.</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, papa.” In this call to her alone to receive some communication,
-Bee, as may be imagined, jumped to a conclusion quite different from
-what her father intended, and almost for the moment forgot mamma.</p>
-
-<p>“The doctor tells me that above everything your mother must be kept from
-worry. Do you understand? In the circumstances it is extremely important
-that you should know this.”</p>
-
-<p>“Papa,” she cried, half in indignation half in disappointment, “do you
-think that I would worry her&mdash;in any circumstances?”</p>
-
-<p>“I think that girls of your age often think that no affairs are so
-important as your own, and it is very likely that you may be of that
-opinion, and I wish you to know what the doctor says.”</p>
-
-<p>“Is mamma&mdash;very ill?” Bee asked, bewildered.</p>
-
-<p>“He does not say so&mdash;only that she is not to be fretted or contradicted,
-or disturbed about anything. I feel it necessary to warn you, Bee.”</p>
-
-<p>“Why me above the rest?” she cried. “Am I likely to be the one to worry
-mamma?”</p>
-
-<p>“The others have no particular affairs of their own to worry her with.
-There must be no private talks, no discussions, no endeavours to get her
-upon what you may suppose to be your side.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee gave her father a glance of fire, but she felt that a little
-prudence was necessary, and kept the tumult of feeling which was within
-her as much as possible in her own breast. “I have always talked to
-mamma of everything that was in my mind,” she said, piteously. “I don’t
-know how I am to stop. She would wonder so if I stopped talking; and how
-can I talk to her except of things that are in my mind?”</p>
-
-<p>“You must learn,” said the Colonel, “to think of her more than of
-yourself.” He did not at all mean to prescribe to her a course of
-conduct more elevated than that he meant to pursue himself, but then it
-was only in action that he meant to carry out his purposes, he was not
-afraid of committing himself in speech.</p>
-
-<p>Bee looked at him again with a gaze that asked a great many questions,
-but she only answered, “I will try my very best, papa.”</p>
-
-<p>“If you do, I am sure you will succeed, my dear,” he said, in a gentler
-tone.</p>
-
-<p>“Is that all?” she asked, hesitating.</p>
-
-<p>“That is all I want with you just now.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee turned away towards the door, and then she paused and made a step
-back.</p>
-
-<p>“Papa!”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, Bee.”</p>
-
-<p>“Would you mind telling me&mdash;I will not say a word to her&mdash;but oh, please
-tell me&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“What is it?” said the Colonel. He went to his writing table, and
-sitting down began to turn over his papers. His tone was slightly
-impatient, his eyebrows slightly raised, as if in surprise.</p>
-
-<p>“Papa, you must know what it is. I know that you have seen&mdash;Mr. Leigh!”</p>
-
-<p>“How do you know anything about it? What have you to do with whom I have
-seen? Run away. I do not mean to enter into any explanations on this
-subject with you.”</p>
-
-<p>“Then with whom will you enter into explanations? You cannot speak to
-mamma; she must not be worried. Papa, I am not a little girl now, to be
-told to run away.”</p>
-
-<p>“You seem to be determined not to lose a moment in telling me so.”</p>
-
-<p>“I should not have told you so,” said Bee, looking at him over the high
-back of his writing-table, “if you had not told me I was not to talk to
-mamma.”</p>
-
-<p>He looked up at her, and their eyes met; both of them keenly, fiercely
-blue, lit up with fires of combat. It is often imagined that blue eyes
-are the softest eyes&mdash;but not by those who are acquainted with the kind
-which belonged to the Kingswards, which might have been called
-sapphires, if sapphires ever flash and cut the air as diamonds do. They
-were not either so dark as sapphires&mdash;they were like nothing but
-themselves, two pairs of blue eyes that might have been made to order,
-so like were they to each other, and both blazing across that table as
-if they would have set the house on fire.</p>
-
-<p>“That’s an excellent point,” he said. “I can’t deny it. What made you so
-terrifically clever all at once?”</p>
-
-<p>There is nothing more stinging than to be called clever in the midst of
-a discussion. Bee’s eyes seemed to set fire to her face, at least, which
-flashed crimson upon her father’s startled sight.</p>
-
-<p>“When one has someone else to think of, someone’s interests to take care
-of&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Which are your own interests&mdash;and vastly more important than anything
-which concerns your father and mother.”</p>
-
-<p>“I never said so&mdash;nor thought so, papa&mdash;but if they are different from
-yours, that’s no reason,” said Bee, bold in words but faltering in
-manner, “is it, why I should not think of them, if, as you say, they’re
-my own interests, papa?”</p>
-
-<p>“You are very bold, Bee.”</p>
-
-<p>“What am I to do if I have no one to speak for me? Papa, Aubrey&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“I forbid you to speak with such familiarity of a man whom you have
-nothing to do with, and whom you scarcely know.”</p>
-
-<p>“Papa, Aubrey&mdash;” cried Bee, with astonishment.</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward jumped up from his table in a fury of impatience. “How
-dare you come and besiege me here in my own room with your Aubrey?&mdash;a
-man whom you have not known a month; a stranger to the family.”</p>
-
-<p>“Papa, you must let me speak. You allowed me to be engaged to him. If
-you had said ‘no’ at first, there might, perhaps, have been some reason
-in it.”</p>
-
-<p>“Perhaps&mdash;some reason!” he repeated, with an angry laugh.</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, for even then it was not your own happiness that was in question.
-It was I, after all, that was to marry him.”</p>
-
-<p>“And you think that is a reason for defying me?”</p>
-
-<p>“It is always said to be a reason&mdash;not for defying anybody&mdash;but for
-standing up for what you call my own interests, papa&mdash;when they are
-somebody else’s interests as well. You said we might be engaged&mdash;and we
-were. And how can I let anyone, even you, say he is a stranger? He is my
-<i>fiancé</i>. He is betrothed to me. We belong to each other. Whatever
-anyone may say, that is the fact,” cried Bee, very rapidly, to get it
-all out before she was interrupted.</p>
-
-<p>“It is not at all a cheerful or pleasant fact&mdash;if it changes my little
-Bee, whom I thought I knew, to this flushed and brazen woman, fighting
-for her&mdash;&mdash;. Go, child, and don’t make an exhibition of yourself. Your
-mother’s daughter! It is not credible&mdash;to assault me, your father, in my
-own room, for the sake of&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Papa! don’t you remember that it is said in the Bible you are not to
-provoke your children to wrath? Mamma would have stood up for you, I
-suppose, when she was engaged to you. I may be flushed,” cried Bee,
-putting her hands to her blazing cheeks, “how could I help it? Forced to
-talk to you, to ask you&mdash;on a subject that gives you a right to speak to
-me, your own child, like that&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“I am glad you think I have a right to speak as the circumstances demand
-to my own child,” said the Colonel, cooling down; “but why you should
-be forced, as you say, to take up such an unbecoming and unwomanly
-position is beyond my guessing.”</p>
-
-<p>“It is because I have no longer mamma to speak for me,” Bee said.</p>
-
-<p>The creature was not without skill. Now she came back to the point that
-was not to be gainsaid.</p>
-
-<p>“We have had quite enough of this,” Colonel Kingsward replied. “Your
-mother, as you are quite aware, never set up her will against mine. She
-was aware, if you are not, that I knew the world better than she did,
-and was more competent to decide. Your mother would never have stood up
-to me as you have done.”</p>
-
-<p>“It would have been better, perhaps, sometimes, if she had,” cried Bee,
-carried away by the tide of her excitement. Colonel Kingsward was so
-astounded that he had scarcely power to be angry. He gazed at his
-excited child with a surprise that was beyond words.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, papa, papa! Forgive me! I never meant that; it came out before I
-was aware.”</p>
-
-<p>“The thought must have been there or it could not have come out,” he
-said.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, no; there was no thought there. It may be so with you, but not with
-us, papa. Words come into our mouths. We don’t think them; we don’t mean
-to say&mdash;they only seem to&mdash;hook on to&mdash;something that went before; and
-then they come out with a crash. Oh, forgive me, forgive me, papa!”</p>
-
-<p>“I suppose,” he said, with a half laugh, “that may be taken as a woman’s
-exposition of her own style of argument.”</p>
-
-<p>“Don’t call me a woman,” she said, with her soft small voice, aggrieved
-and wounded, drawing closer to him. “Oh, papa! I am only your little
-girl after all.”</p>
-
-<p>“A naughty little girl,” he said, shaking his head.</p>
-
-<p>“And without mamma to speak for me,” added Bee.</p>
-
-<p>The Colonel laughed aloud. “You wily little natural lawyer!” he said;
-but immediately became very grave, for underneath this burst of half
-angry amusement Bee had given him a shock she did not know of. All
-unaware of the edge of the weapons which she used with a certain
-instinctive deftness, it did not occur to her that these words of hers
-might penetrate not only deeper than she thought, but far deeper than
-her own thoughts had ever gone. His wife’s worn face seemed suddenly to
-appear before Colonel Kingsward’s eyes in a light which he had never
-seen before, and the argument which this child used so keenly, yet so
-ignorantly, pierced him like a knife. “Without mamma to speak for me!”
-These words sounded very simple to Bee, a mischievous expedient to trap
-him in the snare he had laid for her. But if the time should ever come
-when they should be true! The Colonel was struck down by that arrow
-flown at a venture. He went back to his table subdued, and sat down
-there. “That will do,” he said, “that will do. Now run away and leave me
-to my work, Bee.”</p>
-
-<p>She came up to him and gave him a timid kiss, which the Colonel accepted
-quietly in the softening of that thought. She roamed about the table a
-little, flicking off an imperceptible speck of dust with her
-handkerchief, arranging some books upon the upper shelf of his bureau,
-sometimes looking at him over that row of books, sometimes lingering
-behind him as if doing something there. He did not interfere with her
-movements for a few minutes, in the <i>attendrissement</i> of his thoughts.
-Without a mother to speak for her! Poor little girl, if that should ever
-be so! Poor little children unconscious in their nursery crying for
-mamma; and, oh, worse than all, himself without his Lucy, who had made
-all the world sweet to him! He was a masterfull man, who would stand to
-his arms in any circumstances, who would not give in even if his heart
-was broken; but what a strange, dull, gloomy world it would be to him if
-the children had no mother to speak for them! He made a sudden effort to
-shake off that thought, and the first thing that recalled him to himself
-was to hear Bee, having no other mischief, he supposed, to turn her hand
-to, heaping coals upon the little bit of fire which had been lighted for
-cheerfulness only.</p>
-
-<p>“Bee,” he cried, “are you still there? What are you doing? The room is
-like an oven already, and you are making up a sort of Christmas fire.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, I am so sorry&mdash;I forgot,” cried Bee, putting down the shovel
-hastily. “I thought it wanted mending&mdash;for you always like a good fire.”</p>
-
-<p>“Not in September,” he said, “and such weather; the finest we have had
-since July. Come, cease this fluttering about&mdash;you disturb me&mdash;and I
-have a hundred things to do.”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, papa.” Bee’s little figure stole from behind him in the meekest
-way. She stopped in her progress towards the door to give a touch to the
-flowers on a side table; and then she went slowly on, going out. She had
-got her hand upon the handle of the door, and Colonel Kingsward thanked
-heaven he had got rid of her for the moment, when she turned round,
-eyeing him closely again though keeping by that means of escape. “Papa,”
-she said, softly, “after all the talk we have been having&mdash;you perhaps
-don’t remember that&mdash;you have never&mdash;answered my question yet.”</p>
-
-<p>“What question?” he said sharply.</p>
-
-<p>Bee put her hands together like a child, she looked at him beseechingly,
-coaxingly, like that child returning to its point, and then she said
-still more softly, “About Aubrey, dear papa!”</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIV" id="CHAPTER_XIV"></a>CHAPTER XIV.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">I will</span> not attempt to follow in detail the course of that autumn. It was
-a fine season, and Mrs. Kingsward was taken to her home in the country
-and recovered much of her lost health in the serene ending of the month
-and the bright days of October, which was a model October&mdash;everything
-that month ought to be. The trees had scarcely begun to take any
-autumnal colouring upon them when they reached Kingswarden&mdash;a house
-which stood among the Surrey hills; an old house placed not as modern
-houses are, pitched upon hillsides, or at points where there is “a
-view.” The old Kingswards had been moved by no such ridiculous modern
-sentiments. They had planted their mansion in a sheltered spot, where it
-would be safe from the winds that range over the country and all the
-moorland heights. The gates opened upon a wild country road with an
-extravagant breadth of green pathway and grassy bank on either
-side&mdash;enough to have made a farmer swear, but very pleasant to the eye
-and delightful to a horse’s feet, as well as to the pedestrians, whether
-they were tramps or tourists, who walked or rode on bicycles&mdash;the latter
-class only&mdash;from London to Portsmouth. The house was old, red, and
-straggling, covered with multitudes of creepers. Sheets of purple
-clematis&mdash;the Jackmanni, if anybody wishes to know; intolerable name for
-such a royal garment of blossom&mdash;covered half-a-dozen corners, hanging
-down in great brilliant wreaths over old ivy and straggling Virginia
-creeper and the strong stalks of the climbing roses, which still bore
-here and there a flower. Other sheets of other flowers threw themselves
-about in other places as if at their own sweet will, especially the wild
-exuberance of the Traveller’s Joy; though I need not say that this
-wildness was under the careful eye of the gardener, who would not let it
-go too far. I cannot attempt to tell how many other pleasant and
-fragrant and flowery things there were which insisted on growing in that
-luxurious place, even to the fastidious Highland creeper, which in that
-autumn season was the most gay, luxuriant, and delightful of all. The
-flowers abounded like the children, not to be checked, as healthy and as
-brilliant, in the fine, peaty soil and pure air. The scent of the
-mignonette, which in this late season straggled anywhere, seemed to fill
-half the country round. The borders were crowned with those autumn
-flowers which make up as well as they can for their want of sweetness by
-lavish wealth of colour&mdash;the glowing single dahlias, which this
-generation has had the good sense to re-capture from Nature after the
-quilled and rosetted artificial things which the gardeners had
-manufactured out of them, and the fine scarlet and blue of the salvias,
-and the glory of all those golden tribes of the daisy kind that now make
-our borders bright, instead of the old sturdy red geranium, which once
-sufficed for all the supplies of autumn, an honest servant but a poor
-lord. I prefer the sweetness of the Spring, when every flower has a soul
-in it, and breathes it all about in the air, that is full of hope. But
-as it cannot always be Spring, that triumph of bright hues is something
-to mask the face of winter with until the time when the tortured and
-fantastic chrysanthemum reigns alone.</p>
-
-<p>This was the sort of garden they had at Kingswarden; not shut off in a
-place by itself, but bordering all the lawns, which were of the velvet
-it takes centuries to perfect. The immediate grounds sloped a little to
-the south, and beyond them was a very extensive, if somewhat flat,
-prospect, ending on the horizon in certain mild blue shadows which were
-believed to be hills. There was not much that could be called a park at
-Kingswarden. The few farms which Colonel Kingsward possessed pressed his
-little circle of trees rather close; but as long as the farms were let
-the family felt they could bear this. It gave them a comfortable feeling
-of modest natural wealth and company; the yeomen keeping the squire
-warm, they in their farmsteadings, he in the hall.</p>
-
-<p>And the autumn went on in its natural course, gaining colour as it began
-to lose its greenness and the days their warmth. The fruit got all
-gathered in after the corn, the apple trees that had been such a sight,
-every bough bent down with its balls of russet or gold, looked shabby
-and worn, their season done, the hedges ran over with their harvest,
-every kind of wild berry and feathery seedpod, wild elderberries, hips
-and haws, the dangerous unwholesome fruit of the nightshade, the
-triumphant wreaths of bryony of every colour, green, crimson, and
-purple. The robins began to appear about Kingswarden, hopping about the
-lawns, and coming very near the dining-room windows after breakfast,
-when the little tribe of the nursery children had their accustomed
-half-hour with mamma, and delighted in nothing so much as to crumble the
-bread upon the terrace and tempt the redbreasts nearer and nearer. When,
-quite satisfied and comforted about his wife’s looks, Colonel Kingsward
-went off to the shooting, this little flock of children trailed after
-mamma wherever she went, a little blooming troop. By this time Charlie
-had gone back to Oxford, and the little ones liked to have the run of
-the lawns outside and the sitting rooms within, with nothing more
-alarming than Betty to keep them in order. It is to be feared that the
-relaxation of discipline which occurred when papa was absent was
-delightful to all those little people, and neither was Mrs. Kingsward
-sorry now and then to feel herself at full ease&mdash;with no necessity
-anywhere of further restraint than her own softened perceptions of
-family decorum required. It was a moment in which, if that could be
-said, she was self-indulgent&mdash;sometimes not getting up at her usual
-hour, but taking her breakfast in her room, with clusters of little boys
-and girls all over her bed, and over the carpet, sharing every morsel,
-climbing over her in their play. And when she went out to drive she had
-the carriage full of them; and when she took her stroll about the
-grounds they were all about, shouting and racing, nobody suggesting that
-it would be “too much for her,” or sending them off because they
-disturbed mamma. She was disturbed to her heart’s content while the
-Colonel was away. She said, “You know this is very nice for a time, but
-it would not do always,” to her elder daughter: but I think that she saw
-no necessity, except in the return of her husband, why it should not
-do, and she enjoyed herself singing to them, dancing (a very little)
-with them, playing for them as only the mother of a large family ever
-can play, that simple dance music which is punctuated and kept in
-perfect time by her heart as much as by her ear. For myself, I know the
-very touch upon the piano of a woman who is the orchestra of the
-children, who makes their little feet twinkle to the music. There is no
-band equal to it for harmony, and precision, and go. They enjoyed the
-freedom of having no one to say, “Hush, don’t make such a noise in the
-house,” of the absence of all the disturbable people, “the gentlemen,”
-as the servants plainly said, “being away” more, Mrs. Kingsward
-sometimes thought, with a faint twinge of conscience, than it was right
-they should enjoy anything in the absence of papa. Charlie was quite as
-bad as papa, and declared that they made his head ache, and that no
-fellow could work with such a row going on; it made the little carnival
-all the more joyous that he was out of the way.</p>
-
-<p>Bee had spent the six weeks since their return in a sort of splendour of
-girlish superiority and elation, of which her mother had not been
-unobservant, though nothing had been said between them. I am not sure
-that Bee did not enjoy the situation more than if Aubrey had been at
-Kingswarden wooing her all day long, playing tennis with her, riding
-with her&mdash;in every way appearing as her accepted lover. Circumstances
-had saved her from this mere vulgarity of beatitude, and she felt that
-in the very uncertainty of their correspondence, which was
-private&mdash;almost secret, and yet not clandestine&mdash;there was a wonderful
-charm, a romance and tinge of the unhappy and desperate, while yet
-everything within herself was happy and triumphant. It had never been
-said, neither by the Colonel nor by his wife (who had said nothing at
-all), that Bee was not to write letters to Aubrey nor to receive letters
-from him. I cannot imagine how Colonel Kingsward, in bidding her
-understand that all was over between Aubrey and herself, did not make a
-condition of this. But probably he thought her too young and simple to
-maintain any such correspondence, and her lover too little determined,
-too persuadeable, to begin it. When Bee had received her lover’s first
-letter it had been under her father’s very eyes. It had come at
-breakfast between two girl-epistles, and Colonel Kingsward would not
-have been guilty of the pettiness of looking at his daughter’s
-correspondence for any inducement yet before him. She had the tremendous
-thrill and excitement of reading it in his very sight, which she did not
-hesitate to do, for the sake of the bravado, feeling her ears tingle and
-the blood coursing in her veins, never imagining that he would not
-observe, and setting her young slight strength like a rock in momentary
-expectation of a question on the subject. But no question came. Colonel
-Kingsward was looking at the papers, and at the few letters which came
-to him at his house. The greater part of his correspondence went to the
-office. He took it very quietly, and he never remarked Bee at all, which
-was little less than a miracle, she thought. And it was very well for
-her that this was one of the mornings on which mamma did not come
-downstairs.</p>
-
-<p>This immense excitement was a little too strong for ordinary use, and
-Bee so arranged it afterwards that her letters came by a later post,
-when she could read them by herself in her room. The servants knew
-perfectly well of this arrangement&mdash;the butler who opened the post bag
-at Kingswarden, and the maid who carried Miss Bee’s letters
-upstairs&mdash;but neither father nor mother thought of it. That is, I will
-not answer for Mrs. Kingsward. She perhaps had her suspicions; but, if
-her husband did not forbid correspondence, she said to herself that it
-was not her business to do so. It seemed to her that nothing else could
-keep Bee so bright. Her disappointment, the shock of the severance, must
-have affected her otherwise than appeared if she had not been buoyed up
-by some such expedient. As for the Colonel, he thought nothing about it.
-He thought that, as for love, properly so called, the thing was
-preposterous for a girl of her years, and that the foolish business had
-been all made up of imaginative novelty, and the charm of the position,
-which had flattered and dazzled the girl. Now that she had returned to
-all her old associations and occupations, the pretty bubble had floated
-away into the air. It had not been necessary even to burst it&mdash;it had
-dispersed of itself, as he said to himself he always knew it would. Thus
-he deceived himself with the easiest mind and did not interfere.</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Kingsward had come upon her daughter seated out on the lawn under
-the great walnut tree, reading one of these letters, one morning when
-she had gone out earlier than usual, on an exceptionally fine day. Bee
-had thrust it away hastily into her pocket and came forward with burning
-cheeks when she heard her mother’s voice&mdash;but it was not till some time
-later that Mrs. Kingsward spoke. The day had kept up its morning
-promise. It was one of those warm days that sometimes come in October,
-breathing the very spirit of that contented season, when all things have
-come to fruition and the work of the year is done, and its produce
-garnered into the barns. Now we may sit and rest, is the sentiment of
-the much toiling earth&mdash;all the labour being over, the harvest done,
-and no immediate need yet to rise again and plough. The world hangs
-softly swaying in space, the fields are fallow, the labourer rests. The
-sunshine lay warm upon the velvet grass, the foliage, thinned by one
-good blast a week ago, gave just shade enough, not too much; the
-tea-table was set out upon the lawn&mdash;the little horde had gone off
-shouting and skirmishing through the grounds, Betty at the head of them,
-supposed captain and controller, virtually ringleader, which comes to
-much the same thing. The air so hushed and silent in itself, half drowsy
-with profound peace, was just touched and made musical by their shouts,
-and Bee and her mother, with this triumphant sound of a multitude close
-by, were alone.</p>
-
-<p>“Bee,” Mrs. Kingsward said, “I have long wanted an opportunity to speak
-to you.”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, mamma,” she said, looking up with a rush of blood to her heart,
-feeling that the moment had come. But she would not have been Bee if she
-had not put a little something of her own into the thick of the crisis.
-“There were plenty of opportunities&mdash;we have been together all day.”</p>
-
-<p>“You know what I mean,” said Mrs. Kingsward. “Bee, I saw you reading a
-letter this morning.”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, mamma.”</p>
-
-<p>“Who was it from?”</p>
-
-<p>Bee looked her mother in the face. “I have never made any secret of it,”
-she said. “I have read them openly before papa&mdash;I never would pretend
-they were anything different. Of course it was from Aubrey, mamma.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Bee!” said her mother. “You have never told me what your father
-said to you that morning. He told me that it was all over and done
-with&mdash;that he would never listen to another word on the subject.”</p>
-
-<p>“That was what he told me.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Bee, Bee! and yet&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Stop a moment, mamma! He never said I was not to write; he never said
-there was to be no correspondence. Had he said so, I should have, at
-least, considered what it was best to do.”</p>
-
-<p>“Considered what was best! But you were not the judge. I hope you would
-have obeyed your father, Bee.”</p>
-
-<p>“I cannot say, mamma. You must remember that it is my case and not his.
-I don’t know what I should have done. But it was not necessary, for he
-said nothing about it.”</p>
-
-<p>“Bee, my dear child, he may have said nothing; but you know very well
-that when he said it was entirely broken off he meant what he said.”</p>
-
-<p>“Papa is very capable of saying what he means,” said Bee. “I did not
-think it was any business of mine to inquire what might be his secret
-meaning. Mamma, dear, don’t be vexed; but, oh, that would have been too
-hard! And for Aubrey, too.”</p>
-
-<p>“I think much less of Aubrey that he should carry on a clandestine
-correspondence with a girl like you.”</p>
-
-<p>“Clandestine!” cried Bee, with blazing eyes. “No more clandestine than
-your letters that come by the post with your own name upon them. If
-Aubrey did not scorn anything that is clandestine, I should. There is
-nothing like that between him and me.”</p>
-
-<p>“I never supposed you would be guilty of any artifice, Bee; but you are
-going completely against your father&mdash;making a fool of him,
-indeed&mdash;making it all ridiculous&mdash;when you carry on a correspondence, as
-if you were engaged, after he has broken everything off.”</p>
-
-<p>“I am engaged,” said Bee, very low.</p>
-
-<p>“What do you say? Bee, this is out of the question. I shall have to tell
-your father when he comes back. “Oh! child, child, how you turn this
-delightful time into trouble. I shall be obliged to tell your father
-when he comes back.”</p>
-
-<p>“Perhaps it will be your duty, mamma,” said Bee, the colour going out of
-her face; “and then I shall have to consider what is mine,” she said.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Bee, Bee! Oh! how hard you make it for me. Oh! how I wish you had
-never seen him, nor heard of him,” Mrs. Kingsward cried.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XV" id="CHAPTER_XV"></a>CHAPTER XV.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">This</span> communication made a little breach between Bee and her mother and
-planted a thorn in Mrs. Kingsward’s breast. She had been getting on so
-well; the quiet (which meant the riot of the seven nursery children and
-all their troublesome ways) had been doing her so much good, and the
-absence of every care save that Johnny should not take cold, and Lucy
-eat enough dinner&mdash;that it was hard upon her thus to be brought back in
-a moment to another and a more pressing kind of care. However, after an
-hour or two’s estrangement from Bee, which ended in a fuller expansion
-than ever of sympathy between them&mdash;and a morning or two in which Mrs.
-Kingsward remembered as soon as she awoke that it would be her duty to
-tell her husband and break up the pleasant peace and harmony of the
-household&mdash;the sweetness of that <i>dolce far niente</i> swept over her again
-and obliterated or at least blurred the outline of all such troublous
-thoughts. Colonel Kingsward sent a hasty telegram to say that he was
-going on somewhere else for another ten days’ shooting, and that, though
-she exclaimed at first with a countenance of dismay, “Oh, children, papa
-is not coming home for another week!” in reality gave a pang of relief
-to her mind. Gliding into her being, she scarcely knew how, was an
-inclination to take every day as it came without thinking of
-to-morrow&mdash;which was perfectly natural, no doubt, and yet was an
-unconscious realisation of the fact, which as yet she had never put into
-words, nor had suggested to her, that those gentle days were numbered.
-Her husband’s delay was in one way like a reprieve to her. She had, like
-all simple natures, a vague faith in accident, in something that might
-turn up&mdash;“perhaps the world may end to-night”&mdash;something at least might
-happen in another ten days to make it unnecessary for her to disturb
-the existing state of affairs and throw new trouble into the house. She
-did not waver at first as to her duty, though nothing in the world could
-be more painful; and Bee did not say a word to change her mother’s
-resolution. Bee had always been aware that as soon as it was known the
-matter must come to another crisis&mdash;and the scorn with which she
-regarded the idea of doing anything clandestine prevented her even from
-asking that her secret should be kept. It was not in her mind but in her
-mother’s that those faint doubtings at last arose&mdash;those half
-entertained thoughts that a letter or two could do no harm; that the
-correspondence would drop of itself when it was seen between the two
-that there was no hope in it; and that almost anything would be better
-than a storm of domestic dispeace and the open rebellion in which Mrs.
-Kingsward felt with a shudder Bee would place herself. How are you to
-break the will of a girl who will not be convinced, who says it is not
-your, but her affair?</p>
-
-<p>No doubt that was true enough. It was Bee, not Colonel Kingsward, whose
-happiness was concerned. According to all the canons of poetry and
-literature in general, which in such matters permeate theoretically the
-general mind when there is no strong personal instinct to crush them,
-Bee had right on her side&mdash;and her mother’s instinct was all on the side
-of poetry and romance and Bee. She had not the courage to cut short that
-correspondence, not clandestine though unrevealed, which kept the girl’s
-heart alive, and was not without attractions to the mother also, into
-whose ear it might be whispered now and then (with always a faint
-protest on her part) that Aubrey had better hopes, that he had a
-powerful friend who was going to speak for him. If they really meant to
-be faithful to each other&mdash;and there was no doubt that was what they
-meant&mdash;they must win the day in the end; and what harm would it do in
-the meantime that they should hear of each other from time to time?
-Whereas, if she betrayed the secret, there would at once be a dreadful
-commotion in the house, and Bee would confront her father and tell him
-with those blazing eyes, so like his, that it was her affair. Mrs.
-Kingsward knew that her husband would never stoop to the manœuvre of
-intercepting letters, or keeping a watch upon those that his daughter
-received; and what can you do to a girl who says that? She shrank more
-than any words could say from the renewal of the conflict. She had been
-so thankful to believe that it had passed over and all things settled
-into peace while she was ill. Now that she was better her heart sank
-within her at the thought of bringing it all on again, which would also
-make her ill again she was convinced. Yet, at the same time, if she
-could not persuade Bee to give it up of herself (of which there was no
-hope whatever), then she must, it was her duty, inform her husband. But
-her heart rose a little at that ten days’ reprieve. Perhaps the world
-might end to-night. Something might happen to make it unnecessary in
-those ten days.</p>
-
-<p>And something did happen, though not in any way what Mrs. Kingsward
-could have wished.</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward’s return was approaching very near when on one of
-those bright October afternoons a lady from the neighbourhood&mdash;nay, it
-was the clergywoman of the parish, the Rector of Kingswarden’s wife, the
-very nearest of all neighbours&mdash;came to call. She had just returned from
-that series of visits which in the autumn is&mdash;with all who respect
-themselves&mdash;the natural course of events. Mrs. Chichester was a woman of
-good connection, of “private means,” and more or less “in society,” so
-that she carried out this programme quite as if she had been a great
-lady. She had an air of importance about her, which seemed to shadow
-forth from her very entrance something that she had to say&mdash;an unusual
-gravity, a look of having to make up her mind to a certain action which
-was not without difficulty. There passed a glance between Mrs. Kingsward
-and Bee, in which they said to each other, “What is it this time?” as
-clearly as words could have said; for, to be sure, they were well
-acquainted with this lady’s ways. She sat for a little, and talked of
-their respective travels since they had last met; and of the pleasant
-weeks she had passed at Homburg, where so many pleasant people were
-always to be met after the London season; and then she lightly touched
-on the fact that she had come over early in September, and since then
-had been staying at a number of country places, with the dear Bishop,
-and at Lady Grandmaison’s, and with old Sir Thomas down in Devonshire,
-and so on.</p>
-
-<p>“Or,” she concluded, with a disproportionate emphasis on that apparently
-unimportant word, “I should have been to see you long ago.”</p>
-
-<p>There was a significance in this which again made Mrs. Kingsward and Bee
-exchange a look&mdash;a laughing glance&mdash;as of those who had heard the phrase
-before. When, however, she had asked some questions about Mrs.
-Kingsward’s health, and expressed the proper feeling&mdash;sorry to hear she
-had been so poorly; delighted that she was so much better&mdash;Mrs.
-Chichester departed from her established use and wont. Instead of
-beginning upon the real object of her visit, after she had taken her cup
-of tea, with a “Now,” (also very emphatic) “I want to interest you in
-something I have very much at heart,”&mdash;which was generally a
-subscription, a society, a bazaar, a missionary meeting, or something of
-the sort&mdash;Mrs. Chichester bent forward and said, in a half whisper, “I
-have something I want very much to talk to you about. Could I speak to
-you for a moment&mdash;alone?”</p>
-
-<p>Bee was much surprised, but took her part with promptitude. “You want to
-get rid of me,” she said. “I shall go out on to the terrace, mamma, and
-you can call me from the window when you want me. I shall be sure to
-hear.”</p>
-
-<p>There was another look between them, always with a laugh in it, as she
-stepped out of the open window, with a book in her hand, a look which
-repeated, “What can it be, now?” with the same amusement as at first,
-but with more surprise. Bee made a circuit round the lawn with her book,
-one finger shut in it to mark the place; looking at the flowers, as one
-does who knows every plant individually, and notes each bud that is
-opening, and which are about to fall. She calculated within herself how
-long the dahlias would last, and that the Gloire de Dijon roses must be
-cut to-morrow, as she pursued her way towards the walnut tree, under
-which she meant to place herself. But Bee had not been there many
-minutes before she felt a little shiver creep over her. It was getting
-rather cold in this late October to sit out of doors, when the sun was
-already off the garden, and she had, as girls say, “nothing on.” She got
-up again, and made her way round to a garden bench which was set against
-the wall of the house, at the spot where the sunshine lasted longest.
-There was still a level ray of ruddy light pouring on that seat, and Bee
-forgot, or rather never thought, that it was close to the drawing-room
-window. Her mind was not much exercised about Mrs. Chichester’s secret,
-which probably concerned the mothers and babies of the parish, and which
-she certainly had no curiosity to hear. Besides, no doubt, the visitor
-had told by this time all the private details there were to tell. Bee
-sat down upon the bench, taking no precautions to disguise the sound of
-her footsteps, and opened her book. She was not an enthusiastic student,
-though she liked a novel as well as anyone; but her eyes strayed from
-it to the great width of the horizon in front of her, and the ruddy
-glory in the west, in which was just about to disappear that last long
-golden ray of the sun.</p>
-
-<p>Then she heard a low cry&mdash;an exclamation, stifled, yet full of horror.
-Was it mamma? What could the clergywoman be saying to bring from mamma’s
-lips such a cry? Bee&mdash;I cannot blame her&mdash;pricked up her ears. Mrs.
-Kingsward was not strong enough to be disturbed by horrors with which
-she had nothing to do.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, I cannot believe it; I cannot believe it!” she said.</p>
-
-<p>“But,” said the other voice, with that emphasis at which Bee had laughed
-so often, “I can assure you it is true. I saw him myself shaking hands
-with the woman at the station. I might not have believed Miss Tatham’s
-story, but I saw with my own eyes that it was Mr. Leigh. I had met him
-at Sir Thomas’s the year before&mdash;when he was still in deep mourning for
-his wife, you know.”</p>
-
-<p>“Mr. Leigh! So it was something about Aubrey! Then it was Bee’s
-business still more than her mother’s, and she listened without any
-further thought.</p>
-
-<p>“But,” said Mrs. Kingsward, as if taking courage, “you must be mistaken;
-oh, not about seeing him shake hands with a woman&mdash;why shouldn’t he
-shake hands with a woman? He is very friendly with everybody. Perhaps he
-knew her, and there is nothing to find fault with in that.”</p>
-
-<p>“Now,” said Mrs. Chichester, solemnly, “should I have mentioned it had
-it been confined to that? I only told you of that as a proof. The thing
-is that he put in this woman&mdash;a common woman, like a servant&mdash;into a
-sleeping carriage&mdash;you know what those sleeping carriages cost; a
-perfect fortune; far too much for any comfort there is in them&mdash;in the
-middle of the night, with her two children. The woman behaved quite
-nicely, Miss Tatham says, and looked shocked to be put in with a lady,
-and blushed all over her face, and told that ridiculous story to account
-for it. Poor thing! One can only be sorry for her. Probably some poor
-thing deceived, and thinking she was to be made a lady of. But I know
-what you must think of the man, Mrs. Kingsward, who could do such a
-thing on his way from staying with your own family, even if there had
-been no more in it than that.”</p>
-
-<p>“But Mr. Leigh is very kind&mdash;kind to everybody&mdash;it might have been
-nothing but charity.”</p>
-
-<p>“Charity&mdash;in an express train sleeping carriage! Well, I confess I never
-heard of charity like that. Gentlemen generally know better than to
-compromise themselves for nothing in that sort of way. They are more
-afraid of risking themselves in railway carriages and that kind of thing
-than girls are&mdash;much more afraid. And if you remember, Mrs. Kingsward,
-what kind of reputation Mr. Leigh had in his poor wife’s time&mdash;keeping
-that Miss Lance all the time in her very house under her eyes.”</p>
-
-<p>“I have always heard that it was Mrs. Leigh who insisted upon keeping
-Miss Lance&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Is it likely?” said Mrs. Chichester. “I ask you, knowing what you do of
-human nature? And then a thing to happen like this on his very way
-home&mdash;when he had just left you and poor little Bee. Oh, it is
-shameless, shameless! I could not contain myself when I heard of it. And
-then it was said that the Colonel had broken off the engagement, and I
-thought it would be a comfort to you to know that other things were
-occurring every day, and that it was the only thing to do.”</p>
-
-<p>“It is no comfort to me&mdash;and I cannot&mdash;I cannot believe it!”</p>
-
-<p>“Dear Mrs. Kingsward, you always take the best view; but if you had seen
-him, as I did, holding the woman’s hand, bending over her with such a
-look!&mdash;I was afraid he would kiss her, there, before everybody. And I,
-knowing of the engagement, and that he had just left you&mdash;before Miss
-Tatham said a word&mdash;I sat and stared, and couldn’t believe my eyes. It
-was the tenth of September, and he had left Bee, hadn’t he, the night
-before?”</p>
-
-<p>“I never remember dates,” said Mrs. Kingsward, querulously.</p>
-
-<p>“I do,” replied the visitor, “and I took the trouble to find out. At
-least, I found out by accident, through someone who saw him at the
-club, and who had just discovered the rights of that story about Miss
-Lance. Oh, I trust you will not be beguiled by his being a good <i>parti</i>,
-or that sort of thing, to trust dear Bee in such hands! Marriage is
-always rather a disenchantment; but think what it would be in such a
-case&mdash;a man that can’t be trusted to travel between Cologne and London
-without&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“I don’t believe it! I don’t believe it!” said Mrs. Kingsward; and Bee
-heard that her mother had melted into tears.</p>
-
-<p>“That is as good as saying you don’t believe me, who saw it with my own
-eyes,” said the visitor, getting up. “Indeed, I didn’t mean at all to
-distress you, for I thought that, as everything was broken off&mdash;I
-thought only if you had any doubts, as one has sometimes after one has
-settled a thing&mdash;that to know he was a man like that, with no respect
-for anything, who could leave his <i>fiancée</i>, and just plunge,
-plunge&mdash;there is no other word for it&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>It was evident that Mrs. Kingsward, reduced to helplessness, here made
-no effort either to detain her visitor or to contradict her further, or
-indeed to make any remark. There was a step or two across the room, and
-then Mrs. Chichester said again&mdash;“Good-bye, dear. I am very sorry to
-have distressed you&mdash;but I couldn’t leave you in ignorance of such a
-thing for dear Bee’s sake; that is the one thing to be thankful for in
-the whole matter, that Bee doesn’t seem to mind a bit! She looks just as
-bright and just as nice as if nothing had happened. She can’t have cared
-for him! Only flattered, I suppose, and pleased to have a proposal&mdash;as
-those little things are, poor things. We should all thank heaven on our
-knees that there’s no question of a broken heart in Bee’s case&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>She might not have been so sure of that had she seen the figure which
-came through the window the moment the door had closed upon her&mdash;Bee
-with her blue eyes blazing wildly out of her white face, and strange
-passion in every line both of features and form.</p>
-
-<p>“What is the meaning of it?” she said, briefly, with dry lips.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Bee, you have heard it all!”</p>
-
-<p>“I have heard enough&mdash;what does it mean, mamma?”</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Kingsward roused herself, dried her eyes, and went forward to Bee
-with outstretched arms; but the girl turned away. “I don’t want to be
-petted. I want to know what&mdash;what it means,” she said.</p>
-
-<p>“I don’t believe it,” cried Mrs. Kingsward.</p>
-
-<p>“Give a reason; don’t say things to quiet me. Oh, keep your arms away,
-mamma! Don’t pet me as if I wanted that! Why don’t you believe it? And
-if you did believe it&mdash;what does it mean&mdash;what does it mean?”</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVI" id="CHAPTER_XVI"></a>CHAPTER XVI.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">Bee’s</span> look of scared and horrified misery was something new in Mrs.
-Kingsward’s experience. The girl had not known any trouble. Her father’s
-rejection of her lover and the apparent break between them had been in
-reality only another feature in the romance. She had almost liked it
-better so. There had been no time to pine, to feel the pain of
-separation. It was all the more like a poem, like what every love story
-should be, that this breaking off should have come.</p>
-
-<p>And now, all at once, without any warning! The worst of it was that Bee
-had only heard a part of the story, the recapitulation of it. Mrs.
-Chichester had given the accused more or less fair play. She had given
-an imperfect account of the explanation, the story the woman had
-told&mdash;as was almost inevitable to a third party, but she had given it to
-the best of her ability, not meaning to deceive, willing enough that he
-should have the benefit of the doubt, or perhaps that the judgment upon
-him should be all the more hard, because of his attempt to mingle deceit
-with his sin, and throw dust in the eyes of any possible spectators.
-This was the way in which it had appeared to herself, but she was not
-unfair. She told the story which had been told to the astonished lady
-upon whose solitude the little party had been obtruded in the middle of
-the night, and who had heard it perhaps even imperfectly at first hand
-mingled with the jolting and jarring of the train and the murmur of the
-children. And yet Mrs. Chichester had repeated it honestly.</p>
-
-<p>But Bee had not heard that part of the tale. She had heard only the
-facts of the case which had presented to her inexperienced young mind
-the most wild and dreadful picture. Her lover, who had just left her,
-whom she had promised to stand by till death, suddenly appeared to her
-in the pale darkness of the midnight with a woman and children hanging
-on to him&mdash;belonging to him, as appeared. Where had he met them? How had
-he arranged to meet them? When her hand had been in his, when he had
-been asking from her that pledge till death, had he just been arranging
-all that&mdash;giving them that rendezvous&mdash;settling how they were to meet,
-and where? A horror and sickness came over poor Bee. It made her head
-swim and her limbs tremble. To leave her with her pledge in his ears,
-and to meet, perhaps at the very outset of his journey, the woman with
-the children&mdash;a common sort of woman, like a servant. As if that made
-any difference! If she had been a duchess it would have been all the
-same. He must have met her fresh from Bee’s presence, with his farewell
-to the girl whom he had pretended to love still on his lips. She could
-not think so clearly. Was this picture burnt in upon her mind? She
-seemed to see the dim, half-lighted carriage, and Aubrey at the door
-putting the party in. And then at Dover, in the daylight, shaking hands
-with his companion, bending over her as if he meant to kiss her! These
-two pictures took possession of Bee’s mind completely. And all this just
-when he had left Bee&mdash;between his farewell to her and his interview with
-her father! If she had heard of the story which the woman had told to
-the startled Miss Tatham in the dim sleeping carriage, from which,
-looking out, she had recognised Aubrey Leigh, it might have made a
-difference. But that story had not been told in Bee’s hearing. And Mrs.
-Kingsward did not know this, but supposed she had heard the whole from
-beginning to end.</p>
-
-<p>Bee’s mother, to tell the truth, after the first shock, was glad of that
-unconscious eaves-dropping on Bee’s part; for how could she have told
-her? Indeed, the story was too gross, too flagrant to be believed by
-herself. She felt sure that there must be some explanation of it other
-than the vulgar one which was put upon it by these ladies; but she knew
-very well that the same interpretation would be put upon it by her
-husband, and many other people to whom Aubrey’s innocent interference in
-such a case would have seemed much less credible than guilt. Guilt is
-the thing that generally rises first as the explanation of everything,
-to the mind, both of the man and woman of the world. The impossibility
-of a man leaving a delicate flower of womanhood like Bee, whose first
-love he had won, in order to fall back at once into the bonds of a
-common intrigue, and provide for the comfort of his paramour, who had
-been waiting for him on the journey, would not prove so great to most
-people as the impossibility that he, as a stranger, would step out of
-his way to succour a poor little mother and children whom he had never
-seen before, and risk thereby a compromising situation.</p>
-
-<p>The latter was the thing which would have seemed unutterably ridiculous
-and impossible to Colonel Kingsward. A first-class sleeping carriage
-secured for a mere waif upon his way, whom he had never seen before and
-never would see again! The fellow might be a fool, but he was not such a
-fool as that. Had the woman even been old and ugly the Colonel would
-have laughed and shrugged his shoulders at Aubrey’s bad taste; but the
-woman was pretty and young. A long-standing affair, no doubt; and, of
-course, it was quite possible, nay likely, that she was being sent, poor
-creature, to some retreat or other, where she would be out of the way
-with her children.</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Kingsward knew, as if she had heard him say these words, how her
-husband would speak. And who was she, with not half his experience of
-the world, to maintain a different opinion? Yet she did so. She thought
-it was like Aubrey to turn the poor woman’s lingering, melancholy
-journey into a quick and comfortable one, out of pure kindness, without
-thought of compromising himself any more than of having any recompense
-for what he did. But she did not know that Bee knew nothing of this
-explanation of the story. When she found that her child evidently
-thought nothing of that, but received at once the darker miserable tale
-into her mind, she was startled, but not perhaps astonished. Bee was
-young to think the worst of anybody, but at the same time it is by far
-the commonest way of thinking, and the offence was one against herself,
-which gives a sharper edge to everything. And then she knew what was
-going on in Bee’s mind chiefly by guesswork, for the girl said little.
-The colour went out of her face, her eyes sometimes gave a gleam of
-their old fire, but mostly had a strange set look, as if they were fixed
-on something not visible to the ordinary spectator. She sat all the
-evening through and never spoke. This was not so noticeable while the
-children were still about with their perpetual flow of observations and
-flood of questions; but when they went off in detachments to bed, and
-the two elder girls were left alone with their mother, Bee’s silence
-fell upon the others like a cloud. Betty, who knew nothing, after a few
-minutes rushed away upstairs to find refuge in the nursery, and then
-Mrs. Kingsward was left alone, face to face with this silent figure, so
-unlike Bee, which neither moved nor spoke. She had scarcely the courage
-to break the dreadful silence, but yet it had to be broken. Poor Mrs.
-Kingsward’s heart began to beat violently against her breast as it had
-not done since her return home.</p>
-
-<p>“Bee!” she said. “Bee!”</p>
-
-<p>Already the pumping of her heart had taken away her breath.</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, mamma.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh! Bee, what&mdash;what are you going to do?”</p>
-
-<p>“To do, mamma?”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh! don’t repeat my words after me, but give me some sort of an answer.
-Betty may be back again in a moment. What are you going to do?”</p>
-
-<p>“What can I do?” the girl said, in a low voice.</p>
-
-<p>“I can’t suppose but that you have been thinking about it&mdash;what else
-could you be thinking of, poor child? For my part, I don’t believe it.
-Do you hear me, Bee?”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes&mdash;I heard you say that before, mamma.”</p>
-
-<p>“And that is all you think of what I say! My darling, you can’t remain
-like this. The first thing your father will ask will be, ‘What has
-happened?’ I cannot bear that you should give up&mdash;without a word.”</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Kingsward had disapproved of the correspondence, had felt that it
-would be incumbent upon her to tell her husband of it, but yet in this
-unforeseen emergency she forgot all that.</p>
-
-<p>“Without a word! What words could I say? You don’t suppose I could
-discuss it with him&mdash;ask if it was true? If it’s true, there isn’t a
-word to say, is there? And if it isn’t true it would be an insult to ask
-him. And so one way or another it is all just done with and over. And I
-wish you would leave me quiet, mamma.”</p>
-
-<p>“Done with and over! Without a word&mdash;on a mere story of something that
-took place on a journey!”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh! leave me quiet, mamma. Do you think I need to be reminded of that
-journey? As if I did not see it, and the lamps burning, and hear the
-very wheels!”</p>
-
-<p>“Bee, dear, how can I leave you quiet? Do you mean just to let it break
-off like that, without a word, without giving him the chance to
-explain?”</p>
-
-<p>“I thought,” said Bee, with a faint satirical smile, for, indeed, her
-heart was capable of all bitterness, “that it was broken off completely
-by papa, and all that remained was only&mdash;what you called clandestine,
-mamma.”</p>
-
-<p>“I did not call it clandestine. I knew you would do nothing that was
-dishonourable. And it is true that it was&mdash;broken off. But, Bee! Bee!
-you don’t seem to feel the dreadful thing this is. After all that has
-passed, to let it drop in a moment, without saying a word!”</p>
-
-<p>“I thought it was what I ought to have done, as soon as papa’s will was
-made known.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh! Bee, you will drive me mad. And I have got no breath to speak. So
-you ought, perhaps&mdash;but you have not, when perhaps there was a reason.
-And now, for a mere chance story, and without giving him&mdash;an
-opportunity&mdash;to speak for himself.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee raised her face, now crimson as it had before been pale.</p>
-
-<p>“How could I put any questions on such a thing? How could it be
-discussed between him and me? To think of it is bad enough, but to speak
-of it&mdash;mamma! How do I know, even, what words to say?”</p>
-
-<p>“In that case, every engagement would be at the mercy of any slanderer,
-if the girl never could bring herself to ask what it meant.”</p>
-
-<p>“I am not any girl,” cried poor Bee, with a quiver of her lip. “I am
-just myself. I don’t think very much of myself any more than you do, but
-I can’t change myself. Oh, let me alone, let me alone, mamma!”</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Kingsward was very much excited. Her nostrils grew pinched and
-dilated in the struggle for breath; her lips were open and panting from
-the same cause. She was caught in that dreadful contradiction of
-sentiment and feeling which is worse than any unmingled catastrophe. She
-had been rent asunder before this by her desire to shield her daughter,
-yet the sense of her duty to her husband remained, and now it was the
-correspondence which she seemed to be called upon to defend almost at
-peril of her life; that actually clandestine, at least secret
-correspondence, of which she could not approve, which she was bound to
-cut short. And yet to cut it short like this was something which she
-could not bear. She threw aside the work with which she had been
-struggling and fixed her eyes on Bee, who did not look at her nor see
-how agitated her expression was.</p>
-
-<p>“If you can do this, I can’t,” she said. “I will write to him. The
-other dreadful story may be true, for anything I know. And that, of
-course, is enough. But this one I don’t believe, if an angel from Heaven
-told it me. He shall at least have the chance of clearing himself!”</p>
-
-<p>“I don’t know,” said Bee, “what the other dreadful story was. I thought
-it was only pretending to love&mdash;some other woman; and then&mdash;pretending
-to love <i>me</i>”&mdash;she broke off into a little hoarse laugh. The offence of
-it was more than Bee could bear. The insult&mdash;to suffer (she said to
-herself) was one thing&mdash;but to be insulted! She laughed to think what a
-fool she had been; how she had been taken in; how she had said&mdash;oh, like
-the veriest credulous fool&mdash;“Till death.”</p>
-
-<p>“He was not pretending to love you. What went before I know not, but
-with you he was true.”</p>
-
-<p>“One before&mdash;and one after,” said Bee, rising in an irrepressible rage
-of indignation. “Oh, mamma, how can we sit quietly and discuss it, as
-if&mdash;as if it were a thing that could be talked about? Am I to come in
-between&mdash;two others&mdash;two&mdash;&mdash; I think it will make me mad,” the girl
-cried, stamping her foot. How does a man dare to do that&mdash;to insult a
-girl&mdash;who never sought him nor heard of him, wanted nothing of him&mdash;till
-he came and forced himself into her life!”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh! Bee, my darling,” cried the mother, going up to her child with
-outstretched arms.</p>
-
-<p>“Don’t touch me, don’t touch me, don’t pet me; I cannot bear it. Let me
-stand by myself. I am not a little thing like Lucy to be caught up and
-kissed till I forget. I don’t want to forget. There is nothing that can
-ever be done to me, if I were to live to an hundred, to put this out of
-my head.”</p>
-
-<p>“Bee, be patient with me for a moment. I have lived longer than you
-have. What went before could be no offence to you, whatever it was. It
-might be bad, but it was no offence to you. And this&mdash;I don’t believe
-it&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>Bee was far too much self-absorbed to see the labouring breath, the pink
-spot on each cheek, the panting which made her mother’s fine nostrils
-quiver and kept her lips apart, or that she caught at the back of a
-chair to support herself as she stood.</p>
-
-<p>“I don’t know why&mdash;you shouldn’t believe it. I don’t believe it; I see
-it, I hear it,” cried Bee. “It’s like a story&mdash;and I thought these
-things were always stories, things made up to keep up the interest in a
-book&mdash;&mdash; I’m the&mdash;deceived heroine, the one that’s disappointed, don’t
-you know, mamma? We’ve read all about her dozens of times. But she
-generally makes a fuss over it,” the girl said, with her suffocating
-laugh. “I shall make&mdash;no fuss&mdash;&mdash; Mamma! What is the matter, mamma?”</p>
-
-<p>Nothing more was the matter than the doctor could have told Mrs.
-Kingsward’s family long ago&mdash;a spasm of the heart. She stumbled backward
-to the sofa, and flung herself down before consciousness forsook her.
-Did consciousness forsake her at all? Bee rushing to the bell, making
-its violent sound peal through the house, then flinging herself at her
-mother’s feet, and calling to her in the helplessness of utter
-ignorance, “Mamma, mamma!” did not think that she was unconscious.
-Broken words fell from her in the midst of her gasps for breath, then
-there was a moment of dread stillness. By this time the room seemed to
-be full of people&mdash;Bee did not know who was there&mdash;and then there
-suddenly appeared out of the mist Moulsey with a glass and teaspoon in
-her hands.</p>
-
-<p>“Go away, all of you,” cried Moulsey, “she’ll be better directly&mdash;open
-all the windows and take a fan and fan her, Miss Bee.”</p>
-
-<p>The blast of the cold October night air came in like a flood, Bee seemed
-to come out of a horrible dream in the waft of air brought by the fan
-which she was herself waving to and fro&mdash;and in a little time, as
-Moulsey said, Mrs. Kingsward was better. The labouring breath which had
-come back after that awful moment of stillness gradually calmed down and
-became softer with an occasional long drawn sigh, and then she opened
-her eyes and said, with a faint smile, “What is it? What is it?” She
-looked round her for a moment puzzled&mdash;and then she said, “Ah! you are
-fanning me,” with a smile to Bee, but presently, “How cold it is! I
-don’t think I want to be fanned, Moulsey.”</p>
-
-<p>“No, ma’am, not now. And White is just a-going to shut all the windows.
-The fire was a bit too hot, and you know you never can bear it when the
-room gets too hot.”</p>
-
-<p>“No, I never can bear it,” Mrs. Kingsward said, in a docile tone. She
-followed the lead of any suggestion given to her. “I must have got
-faint&mdash;with the heat.”</p>
-
-<p>“That was just it,” said Moulsey. “When you have a fire in the
-drawing-room so early it looks so cheerful you’re apt to pile it too
-high without thinking&mdash;for it ain’t really cold in October, not cold
-enough to have a fire like that. You want it for cheerfulness, ma’am,
-more than for heat. A big bit of wood that will make a nice blaze, and
-very little coal, as is too much for the season, is what your
-drawing-room fire should be.”</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Kingsward gradually came to herself during this long speech, which
-no doubt was what Moulsey intended. But she said she felt a little weak,
-and that she would keep on the sofa until it was time to go to bed. The
-agitation she had gone through seemed to have passed from her mind.
-“Read me a little of that story,” she said, pointing to a book on the
-table. “We left off last night at a most interesting part. Read me the
-next chapter, Bee.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee sat down beside her mother’s sofa and opened the book. It was not a
-book of a very exciting kind it may be supposed, when it was thus read a
-chapter at a time, without any one of the party opening it from evening
-to evening to see how things went on. But as it happened at this point
-of the story, the heroine had found out that her lover was not so
-blameless as she thought, and was making up her mind to have nothing to
-do with him. Bee began to read with an indignation beyond words for both
-hero and heroine, who were so pale, so colourless, beside her own story.
-To waste one’s time reading stuff like this, while the tide of one’s own
-passion was ten times stronger! She did not think very much of her
-mother’s faint. It was, no doubt, the too large fire, as Moulsey said.</p>
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVII" id="CHAPTER_XVII"></a>CHAPTER XVII.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">It</span> was perhaps a very good thing for Bee at this distracting and
-distracted moment of her life, that her mother’s illness came in to fill
-up every thought. Her own little fabric of happiness crumbled down about
-her ears like a house of cards, only as it was far more deeply founded
-and strongly built, the downfall was with a rumbling that shook the
-earth and a dust that rose up to the skies. Heaven was blurred out to
-her by the rising clouds, and all the earth was full of the noise, like
-an earthquake, of the falling walls. She could not get that sound out of
-her ears even in Mrs. Kingsward’s sick room, where the quiet was
-preternatural, and everybody spoke in the lowest tone, and every step
-was hushed. Even then it went on roaring, the stones and the rafters
-flying, the storms of dust and ruin blackening the air, so that Bee
-could not but wonder that nobody saw them, that the atmosphere was not
-thick and stifling with those <i>debris</i> that were continually falling
-about her own ears. For everything was coming down; not only the idol
-and the shrine he abode in, but heaven and earth, in which she felt that
-no truth, no faith, could dwell any longer. Who was there to believe in?
-Not any man if not Aubrey; not any goodness, any truth, if not his&mdash;not
-anything! For it was without object, without warning, for nothing at
-all, that he had deserted her, as if it had been of no importance: with
-the ink not dry on his letter, with her name still upon his lips. A
-great infidelity, like a great faith, is always something. It is tragic,
-one of the awful events of life in which there is, or may be, fate; an
-evil destiny, a terrible chastisement prepared beforehand. In such a
-case one can at least feel one’s self only a great victim, injured by
-God himself and the laws of the universe, though that was not the common
-fashion of thought then, as it is now-a-days. But Bee’s downfall did not
-mean so much as that it was not intended by anyone&mdash;not even by the
-chief worker in it. He had meant to hold Bee fast with one hand while he
-amused himself with the other. Amused himself&mdash;oh, heaven! Bee’s heart
-seemed to contract with a speechless spasm of anguish and rage. That she
-should be of no more account than that! Played with as if she were
-nobody&mdash;the slight creature of a moment. She, Bee! She, Colonel
-Kingsward’s daughter!</p>
-
-<p>At first the poor girl went on in a mist of self-absorption, through
-which everything else pierced but dully, wrapped up and hidden in it as
-in the storm which would have arisen had the house actually fallen about
-her ears, perceiving her mother through it, and the doctor, and all the
-accessories of the scene&mdash;but dimly, not as if they were real. When,
-however, there began to penetrate through this, strange words, with
-strange meanings in them: “Danger”&mdash;danger to whom?&mdash;“Strength
-failing”&mdash;but whose strength?&mdash;a dull wonder came in, bringing her back
-to other thoughts. By-and-by, Bee began to understand a little that it
-was of her mother of whom these things were being said. Her mother? But
-it was not her mother’s house that had fallen; what did it mean? The
-doctor talked apart with Moulsey, and Moulsey turned her back, and her
-shoulders heaved, and her apron seemed to be put to her eyes. Bee, in
-her dream said, half aloud, “Danger?” and both the doctor and Moulsey
-turned upon her as if they would have killed her. Then she was beckoned
-out of the room, and found herself standing face to face with that grave
-yet kindly countenance which she had known all her life, in which she
-believed as in the greatest authority. She heard his voice speaking to
-her through all the rumbling and downfall.</p>
-
-<p>“You must be very courageous,” it said, “You are the eldest, and till
-your father comes home&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>What did it matter about her father coming home, or about her being the
-eldest? What had all these things to do with the earthquake, with the
-failure of truth, and meaning, and everything in life? She looked at him
-blankly, wondering if it were possible that he did not hear the sound of
-the great falling, the rending of the walls, and the tearing of the
-roof, and the choking dust that filled all earth and heaven.</p>
-
-<p>“My dear Beatrice,” he said, for he had known her all his life, “you
-don’t understand me, do you, my poor child?”</p>
-
-<p>Bee shook her head, looking at him wistfully. Could he know anything
-more about it, she wondered&mdash;anything that had still to be said?</p>
-
-<p>He took her hand, and her poor little hand was very cold with emotion
-and trouble. The good doctor, who knew nothing about any individual
-cause little Bee could have for agitation, thought he saw that her very
-being was arrested by a terror which as yet her intelligence had not
-grasped; something dreadful in the air which she did not understand. He
-drew her into the dining-room, the door of which stood open, and poured
-out a little wine for her. “Now, Bee,” he said, “no fainting, no
-weakness. You must prove what is in you now. It is a dreadful trial for
-you, my dear, but you can do a great deal for your dear mother’s sake,
-as she would for yours.”</p>
-
-<p>“I have never said it was a trial,” cried Bee, with a gasp. “Why do you
-speak to me so? Has mamma told you? No one has anything to do with it
-but me.”</p>
-
-<p>He looked at her with great surprise, but the doctor was a man of too
-much experience not to see that here was something into which it was
-better not to inquire. He said, very quietly, “You, as the eldest, have
-no doubt the chief part to play; but the little ones will all depend
-upon your strength and courage. Your mother does not herself know. She
-is very ill. It will require all that we can do&mdash;to pull her through.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee repeated the last words after him with a scared look, but scarcely
-any understanding in her face&mdash;“To pull her&mdash;through?”</p>
-
-<p>“Don’t you understand me now? Your mother&mdash;has been ill for a long time.
-Your father is aware of it. I suppose he thought you were too young to
-be told. But now that he is absent, and your brother, I have no
-alternative. Your mother is in great danger. I have telegraphed for
-Colonel Kingsward, but in the meantime, Bee&mdash;child, don’t lose your
-head! Do you understand me? She may be dying, and you are the only one
-to stand by her, to give her courage.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee did not look as if she had courage for anyone at that dreadful
-moment. She fell a-trembling from head to foot and fell back against the
-wall where she was standing. Her eyes grew large, staring at him yet
-veiled as if they did not see&mdash;and she stammered forth at length,
-“Mother, mother!” with almost no meaning, in the excess of misery and
-surprise.</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, your mother; whatever else you may have to think of, she is the
-first consideration now.”</p>
-
-<p>He went on speaking, but Bee did not hear him; everything floated around
-her in a mist. The scenes at the Bath, the agitations, Mrs. Kingsward’s
-sudden pallors and flushings, her pretence, which they all laughed at,
-of not being able to walk; her laziness, lying on the sofa, the
-giddiness when she made that one turn with Charlie, she who had always
-been so fond of dancing; the hurry of bringing her to Kingswarden when
-Bee had felt they would have been so much better in London, and her
-strange, strange new fancy, mutely condemned by Bee, of finding the
-children too much for her. Half of these things had been silently
-remarked and disapproved of by the daughters. Mamma getting so
-idle&mdash;self-indulgent almost, so unlike herself! Had they not been too
-busily engaged in their own affairs, Bee and Betty would both have been
-angry with mamma. All these things seem to float about Bee in a mist
-while she leaned against the wall and the doctor stood opposite to her
-talking. It was only perhaps about a minute after all, but she saw
-waving round her, passing before her eyes, one scene melting into
-another, or rather all visible at once, innumerable episodes&mdash;the whole
-course of the three months past which had contained so much. She came
-out of this strange whirl very miserable but very quiet.</p>
-
-<p>“I think it is chiefly my fault,” she said, faltering, interrupting the
-doctor who was talking, always talking; “but how could I know, for
-nobody told me? Doctor, tell me what to do now? You said we should&mdash;pull
-her through.”</p>
-
-<p>She gave him a faint, eager, conciliatory smile, appealing to him to do
-it. Of course he could do it! “Tell me&mdash;tell me only what to do.”</p>
-
-<p>He patted her kindly upon the shoulder. “That is right,” he said. “Now
-you understand me, and I know I can trust you. There is not much to do.
-Only to be quiet and steady&mdash;no crying or agitation. Moulsey knows
-everything. But you must be ready and steady, my dear. Sit by her and
-look happy and keep up her courage&mdash;that’s the chief thing. If she gives
-in it is all over. She must not see that you are frightened or
-miserable. Come, it’s a great thing to do for a little girl that has
-never known any trouble. But you are of a good sort, and you must rise
-to it for your mother’s sake.”</p>
-
-<p>Look happy! That was all she had to do. “Can’t I help Moulsey,” she
-asked. “I could fetch her what she wants. I could&mdash;go errands for her.
-Oh, doctor, something a little easier,” cried Bee, clasping her hands,
-“just at first!”</p>
-
-<p>“All that’s arranged,” he said, hastily, “Come, we must go back to our
-patient. She will be wondering what I am talking to you about. She will
-perhaps take fright. No, nothing easier, my poor child&mdash;if you can do
-that you may help me a great deal; if you can’t, go to bed, my dear,
-that will be best.”</p>
-
-<p>She gave him a look of great scorn, and moved towards her mother’s room,
-leading the way.</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Kingsward was lying with her face towards the door, watching, in a
-blaze of excitement and fever. Her eyes had never been so bright nor her
-colour so brilliant. She was breathing quickly, panting, with her heart
-very audible to herself, pumping in her ears, and almost audible in the
-room, so evident was it that every pulse was at fever speed. “What have
-you been telling Bee, doctor? What have you been telling Bee? What&mdash;&mdash;”
-When she had begun this phrase it did not seem as if she could stop
-repeating it again and again.</p>
-
-<p>“I have been telling her that she may sit with you, my dear lady, on
-condition of being very quiet, very quiet,” said the doctor. “It’s a
-great promotion at her age. She has promised to sit very still, and talk
-very little, and hush her mamma to sleep. It is you who must be the baby
-to-night. If you can get a good long quiet sleep, it will do you all the
-good in the world. Yes, you may hold her hand if you like, my dear, and
-pat it, and smooth it&mdash;a little gentle mesmerism will do no harm. That,
-my dear lady, is what I have been telling Miss Bee.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, doctor,” said Mrs. Kingsward, “don’t you know she has had great
-trouble herself, poor child? Poor little Bee! At her age I was married
-and happy; and here is she, poor thing, plunged into trouble. Doctor,
-you know, there is a&mdash;gentleman&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Kingsward had raised herself upon her elbow, and the panting of her
-breath filled all the room.</p>
-
-<p>“Another time&mdash;another time you shall tell me all about it. But I shall
-take Miss Bee away, and consign you to a dark room, and silence, if you
-say another word&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, don’t make my room dark! I like the light. I want my child. Let me
-keep her, let me keep her! Who should&mdash;comfort her&mdash;but her mother?”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, so long as you keep quiet. If you talk I will take her away. Not a
-word&mdash;not a word&mdash;till to-morrow.” In spite of himself there was a
-change in the doctor’s voice as he said that word&mdash;or Bee thought so&mdash;as
-if there might never be any to-morrow. The girl felt as if she must cry
-out, shriek aloud, to relieve her bursting brain, but did not, overborne
-by his presence and by the new sense of duty and self-restraint. “Come
-now,” he went on, “I am very kind to let you have your little girl by
-you, holding your hand&mdash;don’t you think so? Go to sleep, both of you. If
-you’re quite, quite, quiet you’ll both doze, and towards the morning
-I’ll look in upon you again. Now, not another word. Good-night,
-good-night.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee, whose heart was beating almost as strongly as her mother’s, heard
-his measured step withdraw on the soft carpets with a sense of wild
-despair, as if the last hope was going from her. Her inexperienced
-imagination had leaped from complete ignorance and calm to the last
-possibilities of calamity. She had never seen death, and what if that
-awful presence were to come while she was alone, incapable of any
-struggle, of giving any help. She listened to the steps getting fainter
-in the distance with anguish and terror unspeakable. She clasped her
-mother’s hand tightly without knowing it. That only aid, the only man
-who could do anything, was going away&mdash;deserting them&mdash;leaving her alone
-in her ignorance to stand between her mother and death. Death! Every
-pulse sprang up and fluttered in mortal terror. And she was put there to
-be quiet&mdash;ready and steady, he had said&mdash;to look happy! Bee kept silent;
-kept sitting upon her chair; kept down her shriek after him with a
-superhuman effort. She could do no more.</p>
-
-<p>“Listen&mdash;he’s talking to Moulsey now,” said Mrs. Kingsward, “about me;
-they’re always&mdash;whispering, about me&mdash;telling the symptoms&mdash;and how I
-am. That is the worst of nurses&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Mamma! Oh, don’t talk, don’t talk!” cried Bee; though she was more
-comforted than words can tell by the sound of her mother’s voice.</p>
-
-<p>“Whispering: can’t you hear them? About temperature&mdash;and things. I can
-bear talking&mdash;but whispering. Bee&mdash;don’t you hear
-’em&mdash;whis&mdash;whispering&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, mamma,” cried Bee, “I love to hear you speak! But don’t, don’t,
-don’t, or they’ll make me go away.”</p>
-
-<p>“My baby,” said the mother, diverted in her wandering and weakness to a
-new subject, “my little thing! He said we were to go to sleep. Put your
-head there&mdash;and I’ll sing you&mdash;I’ll sing you&mdash;to sleep&mdash;little Bee,
-little Bee, poor little Bee!”</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVIII" id="CHAPTER_XVIII"></a>CHAPTER XVIII.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">This</span> night was the strangest in Bee Kingsward’s life. She had never
-known what it was to remain silent and awake in the darkness and warmth
-of a sick room, which of itself is a strange experience for a girl, and
-shows the young spirit its own weakness, its craving for rest and
-comfort, the difficulty of overcoming the instincts of nature&mdash;with such
-a sense of humiliation as nothing else could give. Could you not watch
-with me one hour? She believed that she had lain awake crying all night
-when her dream of happiness had so suddenly been broken in upon at
-Cologne; but now, while she sat by her mother’s side, and the little
-soft crooning of the song, which Mrs. Kingsward supposed herself to be
-singing to put her child to sleep, sank into a soft murmur, and the poor
-lady succeeded in hushing herself into a doze by this characteristic
-method. Bee’s head dropped too, and her eyelids closed. Then she woke,
-with a little shiver, to see the large figure of Moulsey like a ghost by
-the bed, and struggled dumbly back to her senses, only remembering that
-she must not start nor cry to disturb Mrs. Kingsward, whose quick
-breathing filled the room with a sensation of danger and dismay to which
-the girl was sensible as soon as the film of sleep that had enveloped
-her was broken. Mrs. Kingsward’s head was thrown back on the pillow; now
-and then a faint note of the lullaby which she had been singing came
-from the parted lips, through which the hot, quick breath came so
-audibly. Now and then she stirred in her feverish sleep. Moulsey stood
-indistinguishable with her back to the light, a mass of solid shadow by
-the bedside. She shook her head. “Sleep’s best,” she said, in the
-whisper which the patient hated. “Sleep’s better than the best of
-physic.” Bee caught those solid skirts with a sensation of hope, to
-feel them so real and substantial in her hand. She did not care to
-speak, but lifted her face, pale with alarm and trouble, to the
-accustomed nurse. Moulsey shook her head again. It was all the
-communication that passed between them, and it crushed the hope that was
-beginning to rise in Bee’s mind. She had thought when she heard the
-doctor go away that death might be coming as soon as his back was
-turned. She had felt when her mother fell asleep as if the danger must
-be past. Now she sank into that second stage of hopelessness, when there
-is no longer any immediate panic, when the unaccustomed intelligence
-dimly realises that the sufferer may be better, and may live through the
-night, or through many nights, and yet there may be no real change. Very
-dim as yet was this consciousness in Bee’s heart, and yet the first
-dawning of it bowed her down.</p>
-
-<p>In the middle of the night&mdash;after hours so long!&mdash;more like years, when
-Bee seemed to have sat there half her life, to have become used to it,
-to be uncertain about everything outside, but only that her mother lay
-there more ill than words could say&mdash;Mrs. Kingsward awoke. She opened
-her eyes without any change of position with the habit of a woman who
-has been long ill, without acknowledging her illness. It was Moulsey who
-saw a faint reflection of the faint light in the softly opening eyes,
-and detected that little change in the breathing which comes with
-returning consciousness. Bee, with her head leant back upon her chair
-and her eyes closed, was dozing again.</p>
-
-<p>“You must take your cordial, ma’am, now you’re awake. You’ve had such a
-nice sleep.”</p>
-
-<p>“Have I? I thought I was with the children and singing to baby. Who’s
-this that has my hand&mdash;Bee?”</p>
-
-<p>“Mamma,” cried the girl, with a little start, and then, “Oh! I have
-waked her, Moulsey, I have waked her!”</p>
-
-<p>“Is this her little hand? Poor little Bee! No, you have not waked me,
-love; but why, why is the child here?”</p>
-
-<p>“The doctor said she might stay&mdash;to send for him if you wanted
-anything&mdash;and&mdash;and to satisfy her.”</p>
-
-<p>“To satisfy her, why so, why so? Am I so bad? Did he think I would
-die&mdash;in the night?”</p>
-
-<p>“No, no, no,” said Moulsey, standing by her, patting her shoulder, as if
-she had been a fretful child. “What a thing to fancy! As if he’d have
-sent the child here for that!”</p>
-
-<p>“No,” said the poor lady, “he wouldn’t have sent the child, would
-he&mdash;not the child&mdash;for that&mdash;to frighten her! But Bee must go to bed.
-I’m so much better. Go to bed. Moulsey; poor Moulsey, never tires, she’s
-so good. But you must go to bed.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, mother, let me stay. When you sleep, I sleep too; and I’m so much
-happier here.”</p>
-
-<p>“Happier, are you? Well&mdash;but there was something wrong. Something had
-happened. What was it that happened? And your father away! It never does
-for anything to happen when&mdash;my husband is away. I’ve grown so silly. I
-never know what to do. What was it that happened, Bee?”</p>
-
-<p>“There was&mdash;nothing,” said Bee, with a sudden chill of despair. She had
-forgotten everything but the dim bed-chamber, the faint light, the
-quick, quick breathing. And now there came a stab at her poor little
-heart. She scarcely knew what it was, but a cut like a knife going to
-the very centre of her being. Then there came the doctor’s words, as if
-they were written in light across the darkness of the room&mdash;“Ready, and
-steady.” She said in a stronger voice, “You have been dreaming. There
-was nothing, mamma.”</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Kingsward, who had raised herself on her elbow, sank back again on
-her pillow.</p>
-
-<p>“Yes,” she said, “I must have been dreaming. I thought somebody
-came&mdash;and told us. Dreams are so strange. People say they’re things
-you’ve been&mdash;thinking of. But I was not thinking of that&mdash;the very last
-thing! Bee, it’s a pity&mdash;it’s a great pity&mdash;when a woman with so many
-children falls into this kind of silly, bad health.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, mamma,” was all that poor Bee could say.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh&mdash;let me alone, Moulsey&mdash;I want to talk a little. I’ve had such a
-good sleep, you said; sometimes&mdash;I want to talk, and Moulsey won’t let
-me&mdash;nor your father, and I have it all here,” she said, putting her
-hand to her heart, “or here,” laying it over her eyebrows, “and I never
-get it out. Let me talk, Moulsey&mdash;let me talk.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee, leaning forward, and Moulsey standing over her by the bedside,
-there was a pause. Their eyes, accustomed to the faint light, saw her
-eyes shining from the pillow, and the flush of her cheeks against the
-whiteness of the bed. Then, after a while, there came a little faint
-laugh, and, “What was I saying?” Mrs. Kingsward asked. “You look so big,
-Moulsey, like the shadows I used to throw on the wall to please the
-children. You always liked the rabbit best, Bee. Look!” She put up her
-hands as if to make that familiar play upon the wall. “But Moulsey,” she
-added, “is so big. She shuts out all the light, and what is Bee doing
-here at this hour of the night? Moulsey, send Miss Bee to bed.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, mother, let me stay. You were going to tell me something.”</p>
-
-<p>“Miss Bee, you must not make her talk.”</p>
-
-<p>“How like Moulsey!” said the invalid. “Make me talk! when I have wanted
-so much to talk. Bee, it’s horrid to go on in this silly ill way,
-when&mdash;when one has children to think of. Your father’s always good&mdash;but
-a man often doesn’t understand. About you, now&mdash;if I had been a little
-stronger, it might have been different. What was it we heard? I don’t
-think it was true what we heard.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, mamma, don’t think of that, now.”</p>
-
-<p>“It is <i>so</i> silly, always being ill! And there’s nothing really the
-matter. Ask the doctor. They all say there’s nothing really the matter.
-Your father&mdash;but then he doesn’t know how a woman feels. I feel as if I
-were sinking, sinking down through the bed and the floor and everything,
-away, I don’t know where. So silly, for nothing hurts me&mdash;I’ve no
-pain&mdash;except that I always want more air. If you were to open the
-window, Moulsey; and Bee, give me your hand and hold me fast, that I
-mayn’t sink away. It’s all quite silly, you know, to think so,” she
-added, with again a faint laugh.</p>
-
-<p>Bee’s eyes sought those of Moulsey with a terrified question in them;
-the great shadow only slightly shook its head.</p>
-
-<p>“Do you remember, Bee, the picture&mdash;we saw it in Italy, and I’ve got a
-photograph&mdash;where there is a saint lying so sweetly in the air, with
-angels holding her up? They’re flying with her through the blue sky&mdash;two
-at her head, and other two&mdash;and her mantle so wrapped round her, and she
-lying, oh! so easy, resting, though there’s nothing but the air and the
-angels. Do you remember, Bee?”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, mamma. Oh, mamma, mamma!”</p>
-
-<p>“That’s what I should like,” said Mrs. Kingsward; “it’s strange, isn’t
-it? The bed’s solid, and the house is solid, and Moulsey there, she’s
-very solid too, and air isn’t solid at all. But there never was anybody
-that lay so easy and looked so safe as that woman in the air. Their arms
-must be so soft under her, and yet so strong, you know; stronger than
-your father’s. He’s so kind, but he hurries me sometimes; and
-soft&mdash;you’re soft, Bee, but you’re not strong. You’ve got a soft little
-hand, hasn’t she, Moulsey? Poor little thing! And to think one doesn’t
-know what she may have to do with it before she is like me.”</p>
-
-<p>“She’ll have no more to do with it, ma’am, than a lady should, no more
-than you’ve had. But you must be quiet, dear lady, and try and go to
-sleep.”</p>
-
-<p>“I might never have such a good chance of talking to her again. The
-middle of the night and nobody here&mdash;her father not even in the house.
-Bee, you must try never to begin being ill in any silly way, feeling not
-strong and that sort of foolish thing, and say out what you think. Don’t
-be frightened. It’s&mdash;it’s bad for him as well as for you. He gets to
-think you haven’t any opinion. And then all at once they find out&mdash;And,
-perhaps, it’s too late&mdash;.”</p>
-
-<p>“Mamma, you’re not very ill? Oh, no; you’re looking so beautiful, and
-you talk just as you always did.”</p>
-
-<p>“She says am I very ill, Moulsey? Poor little Bee! I feel a great deal
-better. I had surely a nice sleep. But why should the doctor be here,
-and you made to sit up, you poor little thing. Moulsey, why is the
-doctor here?”</p>
-
-<p>“I never said, ma’am, as he was here. He’s coming round first thing in
-the morning. He’s anxious&mdash;because the Colonel’s away.”</p>
-
-<p>“Ah! you think I don’t know. I’m not so very bad; but he thinks&mdash;he
-thinks&mdash;perhaps I might die, Bee.”</p>
-
-<p>“Mamma, mamma!”</p>
-
-<p>“Don’t be frightened,” said Mrs. Kingsward, drawing the girl close to
-her. “That’s a secret; he doesn’t think I know. It would be a curious,
-curious thing, when people think you are only ill to go and die. It
-would surprise them so. And so strange altogether&mdash;instead of worries,
-you know, every day, to be all by yourself, lying so easy and the angels
-carrying you. No trouble at all then to think whether he would be
-pleased&mdash;or anything; giving yourself to be carried like that, like a
-little child.”</p>
-
-<p>“But mamma,” cried Bee, “you could not, would not leave us&mdash;you
-wouldn’t, would you, mamma?&mdash;all the children, and me; and I with nobody
-else, no one to care for me. You couldn’t, mother, leave us; you
-wouldn’t! Say you wouldn’t! Oh! Moulsey! Moulsey! look how far away she
-is looking, as if she didn’t see you and me!”</p>
-
-<p>“You forget, Bee,” said Mrs. Kingsward, “How easy it looked for that
-saint in the picture. I always liked to watch the birds floating down
-on the wind, never moving their wings. That’s what seems no trouble, so
-easy; not too hot nor too cold, nor tiring, neither to the breath nor
-anything. I shouldn’t like to leave you. No&mdash;But then:” she added, with
-a smile, “I should not require to leave you. I’d&mdash;I’d&mdash;What was I
-saying? Moulsey, will you please give me some&mdash;more&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>She held out her hand again for the glass which Moulsey had just put
-down.</p>
-
-<p>“It makes me strong&mdash;it makes me speak. I’m&mdash;sinking away again, Bee.
-Hold me&mdash;hold me tight. If I was to slip away&mdash;down&mdash;down&mdash;down to the
-cellars or somewhere.” The feeble laugh was dreadful for the listeners
-to hear.</p>
-
-<p>“Run,” cried Moulsey, in Bee’s ear, “the doctor&mdash;the doctor! in the
-library.”</p>
-
-<p>And then there was a strange phantasmagoria that seemed to fill the
-night, one scene melting into another. The doctor rousing from his doze,
-his measured step coming back; the little struggle round the bed;
-Moulsey giving place to the still darker shadow; the glow of Mrs.
-Kingsward’s flushed and feverish countenance between; then the quiet,
-and then again sleep&mdash;sleep broken by feeble movements, by the quick
-panting of the breath.</p>
-
-<p>“She’ll be easier now,” the doctor said. “You must go to bed, my dear
-young lady. Moulsey can manage for the rest of the night.”</p>
-
-<p>“Doctor,” said Bee, with something in her throat that stopped the words,
-“doctor&mdash;will she&mdash;must she? Oh, doctor, say that is not what it means?
-One of us, it would not matter, but mother&mdash;mother!”</p>
-
-<p>“It is not in our hands,” the doctor said. “It is not much we can do.
-Don’t look at me as if I were God. It is little, little I can do.”</p>
-
-<p>“They say,” cried poor Bee, “that you can do anything. It is when there
-is no doctor, no nurse that people&mdash;&mdash; Oh, my mother&mdash;my mother! Doctor,
-don’t let it be.”</p>
-
-<p>“You are but a child,” said the doctor, patting her kindly on the
-shoulder, “you’ve not forgotten how to say your prayers. That’s the
-only thing for you to do. Those that say such things of doctors know
-very little. We stand and look on. Say your prayers, little girl&mdash;if
-they do her no good, they’ll do you good. And now she’ll have a little
-sleep.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee caught him by the arm. “Sleep,” she said, looking at him
-suspiciously. “Sleep?”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, sleep&mdash;that may give her strength for another day. Oh, ask no
-more, child. Life is not mine to give.”</p>
-
-<p>What a night! Out of doors it was moonlight as serene as heaven&mdash;the
-moon departing in the west, and another faint light that was day coming
-on the other side, and the first birds beginning to stir in the
-branches; but not even baby moving in the house. All fast asleep, safe
-as if trouble never was, as if death could not be. Bee went upstairs to
-her chill, white room, where the white bed, unoccupied, looked to her
-like death itself&mdash;all cold, dreadful, full of suggestion. Bee’s heart
-was more heavy than could be told. She had nothing to fall back upon, no
-secret strength to uphold her. She had forgotten how wretched she had
-been, but she felt it, nevertheless, behind the present anguish.
-Nevertheless, she was only nineteen, and when she flung herself down to
-cry upon her white pillow&mdash;only to cry, to get her passion
-out&mdash;beneficent nature took hold of the girl and made her sleep. She did
-not wake for hours. Was it beneficent? For when she was roused by the
-opening of the door and sat up in her bed, and found herself still
-dressed in her evening frock, with her little necklace round her throat,
-there pressed back upon Bee such a flood of misery and trouble as she
-thought did not exist in the world.</p>
-
-<p>“Miss Bee, Miss Bee! Master’s come home. He’s been travelling all
-night&mdash;and I dare not disturb Mrs. Moulsey in Missis’s room; and he
-wants to see you this minit, please. Oh, come, come, quick, and don’t
-keep the Colonel waiting,” the woman said.</p>
-
-<p>Half awakened, but wholly miserable, Bee sprang up and rushed downstairs
-to her father. He came forward to meet her at the door, frowning and
-pale.</p>
-
-<p>“What is this I hear?” he said. “What have you been doing to upset your
-mother? She was well enough when I went away. What have you been doing
-to your mother? You children are the plague of our lives!”</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIX" id="CHAPTER_XIX"></a>CHAPTER XIX.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">The</span> week passed in the sombre hurry yet tedium of a house lying under
-the shadow of death&mdash;that period during which when it is night we long
-for morning, and when it is morning we long for night, hoping always for
-the hope that never comes, trembling to mark the progress which does go
-on silently towards the end.</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward was rough and angry with Bee that first morning, to
-her consternation and dismay. She had never been the object of her
-father’s anger before, and this hasty and imperious questioning seemed
-to take all power of reply out of her. “What had she been doing to her
-mother?” She! to her mother! Bee was too much frightened by his
-threatening look, the cloud on his face, the fire in his eyes, to say
-anything. Her mind ran hurriedly over all that had happened, and that
-last terrible visit, which had changed the whole aspect of the earth to
-herself. But it was to herself that this stroke of misfortune had come,
-and not to her mother. A gleam of answering anger came into Bee’s eyes,
-sombre with the unhappiness which had been pushed aside by more
-immediate suffering, yet was still there like a black background, to
-frame whatever other miseries might come after. As for Colonel
-Kingsward, it was to him, as to so many men, a relief to blame somebody
-for the trouble which was unbearable. The blow was approaching which he
-had never allowed himself to believe in. He had blamed his wife
-instinctively, involuntarily, at the first hearing of every
-inconvenience in life; and it had helped to accustom him to the
-annoyance to think that it was her fault. He had done so in what he
-called this unfortunate business of Bee’s, concluding that but for Mrs.
-Kingsward’s weakness, Mr. Aubrey Leigh and his affairs would never have
-become of any importance to the family. He had blamed her, too, and
-greatly, for that weakening of health which he had so persistently
-endeavoured to convince himself did not mean half so much as the doctors
-said. Women are so idiotic in these respects. They will insist on
-wearing muslin and lace when they ought to wear flannel. They will put
-on evening dresses when they ought to be clothed warmly to the throat,
-and shoes made of paper when they ought to be solidly and stoutly shod,
-quite indifferent to the trouble and anxiety they may cause to their
-family. And now that Mrs. Kingsward’s state had got beyond the
-possibility of reproach, he turned upon his daughter. It must be her
-fault. Her mother had been better or he should not have left her. The
-quiet of the country was doing her good; if she had not been agitated
-all would have been well. But Bee, with all her declarations of devotion
-to her mother; Bee, the eldest, who ought to have had some sense; Bee
-had brought on this trumpery love business to overset the delicate
-equilibrium which he himself, a man with affairs so much more important
-in hand, had refrained from disturbing. It did him a little good,
-unhappy and anxious as he was, to pour out his wrath upon Bee. And she
-did not reply. She did not shed tears, as her mother had weakly done in
-similar circumstances, or attempt excuses. Even if he had been
-sufficiently at leisure to note it, an answering fire awoke in Bee’s
-eyes. He had not leisure to note, but he perceived it all the same.</p>
-
-<p>Presently, however, every faculty, every thought, became absorbed in
-that sick chamber; things had still to be thought of outside of it, but
-they seemed strange, artificial things, having no connection with life.
-Then Charlie was summoned from Oxford, and the younger boys from school,
-which increased the strange commotion of the house, adding that restless
-element of young life which had no place there, nothing to do with
-itself, and which roused an almost frenzied irritation in Colonel
-Kingsward when he saw any attempt on the part of the poor boys to amuse
-themselves, or resume their usual occupations. “Clods!” he said; “young
-brutes! They would play tennis if the world were falling to pieces.” And
-again that glance of fire came into Bee’s eyes, marked unconsciously,
-though he did not know he had seen it, by her father. The boys hung
-about her when she stole out for a little air, one at each arm. “How is
-mother, Bee? She’s no worse? Don’t you think we might go over to
-Hillside for that tournament? Don’t you think Fred might play in the
-parish match with Siddemore? They’re so badly off for bowlers. Don’t you
-think&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, I think it would be much better for you to be doing something,
-boys; but, then, papa might hear, and he would be angry. If we could but
-keep it from papa.”</p>
-
-<p>“We’re doing mother no good,” said Fred.</p>
-
-<p>“How could we do mother good? Why did the governor send for us, Bee,
-only to kick our heels here, and get into mischief? A fellow can’t help
-getting into mischief when he has nothing to do.”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes,” repeated Fred, “what did he send for us for? I wish mother was
-better. I suppose as soon as she’s better we’ll be packed off again.”</p>
-
-<p>They were big boys, but they did not understand the possibility of their
-mother not getting better, and, indeed, neither did Bee. When morning
-followed morning and nothing happened, it seemed to her that getting
-better was the only conclusion to be looked for. If it had been Death
-that was coming, surely it must have come by this time. Her hopes rose
-with every new day.</p>
-
-<p>But Mrs. Kingsward had been greatly agitated by the sight of Charlie
-when he was allowed to see her. “Why has Charlie come home?” she said.
-“Was he sent for? Was it your father that brought him? Charlie, my dear,
-what are you doing here? Why have you come back? You should have been
-going on with&mdash;&mdash; Did your father send for you? Why&mdash;why did your father
-send for you, my boy?”</p>
-
-<p>“I thought,” said Charlie, quite unmanned by the sight of her, and by
-this unexpected question, and by all he had been told about her state,
-“I thought&mdash;you wanted to see me, mother.”</p>
-
-<p>“I always like to see you&mdash;but not to take you away from&mdash;&mdash; And why
-was he sent for, Moulsey? Does the doctor think?&mdash;does my husband
-think?&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>Her feverish colour grew brighter and brighter. Her eyes shone with a
-burning eagerness. She put her hot hand upon that of her son. “Was it to
-say good-bye to me?” she said, with a strange flutter of a smile.</p>
-
-<p>At the same time an argument on the same subject was going on between
-the doctor and the Colonel.</p>
-
-<p>“What can the children do in a sick room? Keep them away. I should never
-have sent for them if you had consulted me. It is bad enough to have let
-her see Charlie, summoned express&mdash;do you want to frighten your wife to
-death?”</p>
-
-<p>“There can be no question,” said the Colonel, “if what you tell me is
-true, of frightening her to death. I think, Benson, that a patient in
-such circumstances ought to know. She ought to be told&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“What?” the doctor said, sharply, with a harsh tone in his voice.</p>
-
-<p>“What? Do you need to ask? Of her state&mdash;of what is imminent&mdash;that she
-is going to&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward loved his wife truly, and he could not say those last
-words.</p>
-
-<p>“Yes,” said the doctor, “going to&mdash;&mdash;? Well, we hope it’s to One who has
-called her, that knows all about it, Kingsward. Doctors are not supposed
-to take that view much, but I do. I’d tell her nothing of the sort. I
-would not agitate her either with the sight of the children or those
-heathenish thoughts about dying. Well, I suppose you’ll take your own
-way, if you think she’s in danger of damnation; but you see I don’t. I
-think where she’s going she’ll find more consideration and more
-understanding than ever she got here.”</p>
-
-<p>“You are all infidels&mdash;every one of you,” said Colonel Kingsward; “you
-would let a soul rush unprepared into the presence of&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Her Father,” said Doctor Benson. “So I would; if he’s her Father he’ll
-take care of that. And if he’s only a Judge, you know, a Judge is an
-extraordinarily considerate person. He leaves no means untried of coming
-to a right decision. I would rather trust my case in the hands of the
-Bench than make up my own little plea any day. And, anyhow you can put
-it, the Supreme Judge must be better than the best Bench that ever was.
-Leave her alone. She’s safer with Him than either with you or me.”</p>
-
-<p>“It’s an argument I never would pardon&mdash;in my own case. I shudder at the
-thought of being plunged into eternity without the time to&mdash;to
-think&mdash;to&mdash;to prepare&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“But if your preparations are all seen through from the beginning? If
-it’s just as well known then, or better, what you are thinking, or
-trying to think, to make yourself ready for that event? You knew
-yourself, more or less, didn’t you, when you were in active service, the
-excuses a wretched private would make when he was hauled up, and how he
-would try to make the worse appear the better cause. Were you moved by
-that, Colonel Kingsward? Didn’t you know the man, and judge him by what
-you knew?”</p>
-
-<p>“It seems to me a very undignified argument; there’s no analogy between
-a wretched private and my&mdash;and my&mdash;and one of us&mdash;at the Judgment Seat.”</p>
-
-<p>“No&mdash;it’s more like one of your boys making up the defence&mdash;when brought
-before you&mdash;and the poor boy would need it too,” Dr. Benson added
-within himself. But naturally he made no impression with his argument,
-whether it was good or bad, upon his hearer. Colonel Kingsward was in
-reality a very unhappy man. He had nobody to blame for the dreadful
-misfortune which was threatening him except God, for whom he entertained
-only a great terror as of an overwhelming tyrannical Power ready to
-catch him at any moment when he neglected the observances or rites
-necessary to appease it. He was very particular in these
-observances&mdash;going to church, keeping up family prayers, contributing
-his proper and carefully calculated proportion to the charities, &amp;c.
-Nobody could say of him that he was careless or negligent. And now how
-badly was his devotion repaid!&mdash;by the tearing away from him of the
-companion of his life. But he felt that there was still much more that
-the awful Master of the Universe might inflict, perhaps upon her if she
-was not prepared to meet her God. He was wretched till he had told her,
-warned her, till she had fulfilled everything that was necessary, seen
-a clergyman, and got herself into the state of mind becoming a dying
-person. He had collected all the children that she might take leave of
-them in a becoming way. He had, so far as he knew, thought of everything
-to make her exit from the world a right one in all the forms&mdash;and now to
-be told that he was not to agitate her, that the God whom he wished to
-prepare her to meet knew more of her and understood her better than he
-did! Agitate her! When the alternative might be unspeakable miseries of
-punishment, instead of the acquittal which would have to be given to a
-soul properly prepared. These arguments did not in the least change his
-purpose, but they fretted and irritated him beyond measure. At the
-bottom of all, the idea that anybody should know better than he what was
-the right thing for his own wife was an intolerable thought.</p>
-
-<p>He went in and out of her room with that irritated, though
-self-controlled look, which she knew so well. He had never shown it to
-the world, and when he had demanded of her in his angry way why this was
-and that, and how on earth such and such things had happened, Mrs.
-Kingsward had till lately taken it so sweetly that he had not himself
-suspected how heavy it was upon her. And when she had begun to show
-signs of being unable to bear the responsibility of everything in earth
-and heaven, the Colonel had felt himself an injured man. There were
-signs that he might eventually throw that responsibility on Bee. But in
-the meantime he had nobody to blame, as has been said, and the burden of
-irritation and disturbance was heavy upon him.</p>
-
-<p>The next morning after his talk with Dr. Brown he came in with that
-clouded brow to find Charlie by her bedside. The Colonel came up and
-stood looking at the face on the pillow, now wan in the reaction of the
-fever, and utterly weak, but still smiling at his approach.</p>
-
-<p>“I have been telling Charlie,” she said, in her faint voice, “that he
-must go back to his college. Why should he waste his time here?”</p>
-
-<p>“He will not go back yet,” said Colonel Kingsward; “are you feeling a
-little better this morning, my dear?”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, not to call ill at all,” said the sufferer. “Weak&mdash;a sort of
-sinking, floating away. I take hold of somebody’s hand to keep me from
-falling through. Isn’t it ridiculous?” she said, after a little pause.</p>
-
-<p>“Your weakness is very great,” said the husband, almost sternly.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, no, Edward. It’s more silly than anything&mdash;when I am not really
-ill, you know. I’ve got Charlie’s hand here under the counterpane,” she
-said again, with her faint little laugh.</p>
-
-<p>“You won’t always have Charlie’s hand, or anyone’s hand, Lucy.”</p>
-
-<p>She looked at him with a little anxiety.</p>
-
-<p>“No, no. I’ll get stronger, perhaps, Edward.”</p>
-
-<p>“Do you feel as if you were at all stronger, my dear?”</p>
-
-<p>She loosed her son’s hand, giving him a little troubled smile. “Go away
-now, Charlie dear. I don’t believe you’ve had your breakfast. I want to
-speak to&mdash;papa.” Then she waited, looking wistfully in her husband’s
-face till the door had closed. “You have something to say to me, Edward.
-Oh, what is it? Nothing has happened to anyone?”</p>
-
-<p>“No, nothing has happened,” he said. He turned away and walked to the
-window, then came back again, turning his head half-way from her as he
-spoke. “It is only that you are, my poor darling&mdash;weaker every day.”</p>
-
-<p>“Does the doctor think so?” she said, with a little eagerness, with a
-faint suffusion of colour in her face.</p>
-
-<p>He did not say anything&mdash;could not perhaps&mdash;but slightly moved his head.</p>
-
-<p>“Weaker every day, and that means, Edward!” She put out her thin, hot
-hands. “That means&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>The man could not say anything. He could do his duty grimly, but when
-the moment came he could not put it into words. He sank down on the
-chair Charlie had left, and put down his face on the pillow, his large
-frame shaken by sobs which he could not restrain.</p>
-
-<p>These sobs made Mrs. Kingsward forget the meaning of this communication
-altogether. She put her hands upon him trying to raise his head.
-“Edward! Oh, don’t cry, don’t cry! I have never seen you cry in all my
-life. Edward, for goodness’ sake! You will kill me if you go on sobbing
-like that. Oh, Edward, Edward, I never saw you cry before.”</p>
-
-<p>Moulsey had darted forward from some shadowy corner where she was and
-gripped him by the arm.</p>
-
-<p>“Stop, sir&mdash;stop it,” she cried, in an authoritative whisper, “or you’ll
-kill her.”</p>
-
-<p>He flung Moulsey off and raised his head a little from the pillow.</p>
-
-<p>“You have never seen me with any such occasion before,” he said, taking
-her hands into his and kissing them repeatedly.</p>
-
-<p>He was not a man of many caresses, and her heart was touched with a
-feeble sense of pleasure.</p>
-
-<p>“Dear!” she said softly, “dear!” feebly drawing a little nearer to him
-to put her cheek against his.</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward looked up as soon as he was able and saw her lying
-smiling at him, her hand in his, her eyes full of that wonderful liquid
-light which belongs to great weakness. The small worn face was all
-illuminated with smiles; it was like the face of a child&mdash;or perhaps an
-angel. He looked at first with awe, then with doubt and alarm. Had he
-failed after all in the commission which he had executed at so much cost
-to himself, and against the doctor’s orders? He had been afraid for the
-moment of the sight of her despair&mdash;and now he was frightened by her
-look of ease, the absence of all perturbations. Had she not understood
-him? Would it have to be told again, more severely, more distinctly,
-this dreadful news?</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XX" id="CHAPTER_XX"></a>CHAPTER XX.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Kingsward</span> said nothing of the communication her husband had made to
-her. Did she understand it? He went about heavily all day, pondering the
-matter, going and coming to her room, trying in vain to make out what
-was in her mind. But he could not divine what was in that mind, hidden
-from him in those veils of individual existence which never seemed to
-him to have been so baffling before. In the afternoon she had heard,
-somehow, the voices of the elder boys, and had asked if they were there,
-and had sent for them. The two big fellows, with the mud on their boots
-and the scent of the fresh air about them, stood huddled together,
-speechless with awe and grief, by the bedside, when their father came
-in. They did not know what to say to their mother in such circumstances.
-They had never talked to her about herself, but always about themselves;
-and now they were entirely at a loss after they had said, “How are you,
-mamma? Are you very bad, mamma? Oh, I’m so sorry;” and “Oh, I wish you
-were better.” What could boys of twelve and fourteen say? For the moment
-they felt as if their hearts were broken; but they did not want to stay
-there; they had nothing to say to her. Their pang of sudden trouble was
-confused with shyness and awkwardness, and their consciousness that she
-was altogether in another atmosphere and another world. Mrs. Kingsward
-was not a clever woman, but she understood miraculously what was in
-those inarticulate young souls. She kissed them both, drawing each close
-to her for a moment, and then bade them run away. “Were you having a
-good game?” she said, with that ineffable, feeble smile. “Go and finish
-it, my darlings.” And they stumbled out very awkwardly, startled to meet
-their father’s look as they turned round, and greatly disturbed and
-mystified altogether, though consoled somehow by their mother’s look.</p>
-
-<p>They said to each other after a while that she looked “jolly bad,” but
-that she was in such good spirits it must be all right.</p>
-
-<p>Their father was as much mystified as they; but he was troubled in
-conscience, as if he had not spoken plainly enough, had not made it
-clear enough what “her state” was. She had not asked for the
-clergyman&mdash;she had not asked for anything. Was it necessary that he
-should speak again? There was one thing she had near her, but that so
-fantastic a thing!&mdash;a photograph&mdash;one of the quantities of such rubbish
-the girls and she had brought home&mdash;a woman wrapped in a mantle floating
-in the air.</p>
-
-<p>“Take that thing away,” he said to Moulsey. It irritated him to see a
-frivolous thing like that&mdash;a twopenny-halfpenny photograph&mdash;so near his
-wife’s bed.</p>
-
-<p>“Don’t take it away,” she said, in the whisper to which her voice had
-sunk; “it gives me such pleasure.”</p>
-
-<p>“Pleasure!” he cried; even to speak of pleasure was wrong at such a
-moment. And then he added, “Would you like me to read to you? Would you
-like to see&mdash;anyone?”</p>
-
-<p>“To see anyone? Whom should I wish to see but you, Edward, and the
-children?”</p>
-
-<p>“We haven’t been&mdash;so religious, my dear, as perhaps we ought,” stammered
-the anxious man. “If I sent for&mdash;Mr. Baldwin perhaps, to read the
-prayers for the sick and&mdash;and talk to you a little?”</p>
-
-<p>She looked at him with some wonder for a moment, and then she said, with
-a smile, “Yes, yes; by all means, Edward, if you like it.”</p>
-
-<p>“I shall certainly like it, my dearest; and it is right&mdash;it is what we
-should all wish to do at the&mdash;&mdash;” He could not say at the last&mdash;he could
-not say when we are dying&mdash;it was too much for him; but certainly she
-must understand now. And he went away hurriedly to call the clergyman,
-that no more time might be lost.</p>
-
-<p>“Moulsey,” said Mrs. Kingsward, “have we come then quite&mdash;to the end
-now?”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, ma’am! Oh, my dear lady!” Moulsey said.</p>
-
-<p>“My husband&mdash;seems to think so. It is a little hard&mdash;to leave them all.
-Where is Bee?”</p>
-
-<p>“I am here, mamma,” said a broken voice; and the mother’s hand was
-caught and held tight, as she liked it to be. “May Betty come too?”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, let Betty come. It is you I want, not Mr. Baldwin.”</p>
-
-<p>“Mr. Baldwin is a good man, ma’am. He’ll be a comfort to them and to the
-Colonel.”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, I suppose so; he will be a comfort to&mdash;your father. But I don’t
-want anyone. I haven’t done very much harm&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“No! oh, no, ma’am, none!” said Moulsey, while Betty, thrown on her
-knees by the bedside, tried to smother her sobs; and Bee, worn out and
-feeling as if she felt nothing, sat and held her mother’s hand.</p>
-
-<p>“But, then,” she said, “I’ve never, never, done any good.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh! my dear lady, my dear lady! And all the poor people, and all the
-children.”</p>
-
-<p>“Hush! Moulsey. I never gave anything&mdash;not a bit of bread, not a
-shilling&mdash;but because I liked to do it. Never! oh, never from any good
-motive. I always liked to do it. It was my pleasure. It never cost me
-anything. I have done no good in my life. I just liked the poor
-children, that was all, and thought if they were my own&mdash;&mdash; Oh, Bee and
-Betty, try to be better women&mdash;different from me.”</p>
-
-<p>Betty, who was so young, crept nearer and nearer on her knees, till she
-came to the head of the bed. She lifted up her tear-stained face,
-“Mother! oh, mother! are you frightened?” she cried.</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Kingsward put forth her other arm and put it freely round the
-weeping girl. “Perhaps I ought to be, perhaps I ought to be!” she said,
-with a little thrill and quaver.</p>
-
-<p>“Mother,” said Betty, pushing closer and closer, almost pushing Bee
-away, “if I had been wicked, ever so wicked, I shouldn’t be frightened
-for you.”</p>
-
-<p>A heavenly smile came over the woman’s face. “I should think not,
-indeed.”</p>
-
-<p>And then Betty, in the silence of the room, put her hands together and
-said very softly, “Our Father, which art in Heaven&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, children, children,” cried Moulsey, “don’t break our hearts! She’s
-too weak to bear it. Leave her alone.”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, go away, children dear&mdash;go away. I have to rest&mdash;to see Mr.
-Baldwin.” Then she smiled, and said in gasps, “To tell the
-truth&mdash;I’m&mdash;I’m not afraid; look&mdash;” She pointed to the picture by her
-bedside. “So easy&mdash;so easy! Just resting&mdash;and the Saviour will put out
-his hand and take me in.”</p>
-
-<p>Mr. Baldwin came soon after&mdash;the good Rector, who was a good man, but
-who believed he had the keys, and that what he bound on earth was bound
-in Heaven&mdash;or, at least, he thought he believed so&mdash;with Colonel
-Kingsward, who felt that he was thus fulfilling all righteousness, and
-that this was the proper way in which to approach the everlasting doors.
-He put away the little picture in which Catherine of Siena lay in the
-hold of the angels, in the perfect peace of life accomplished, the rest
-that was so easy and so sweet&mdash;hastily with displeasure and contempt. He
-did not wish the Rector to see the childish thing in which his wife had
-taken pleasure, nor even that she had been taking pleasure at all at
-such a solemn moment; even that she should smile the same smile of
-welcome with which she would have greeted her kind neighbour had she
-been in her usual place in the drawing-room disturbed her husband. So
-near death and yet able to think of that! He watched her face as the
-Rector read the usual prayers. Did she enter into them&mdash;did she
-understand them? He could scarcely join in them himself in his anxiety
-to make sure that she felt and knew what was her “state,” and was
-preparing&mdash;preparing to meet her God. That God was awaiting severely the
-appearance of that soul before him, the Colonel could not but feel. He
-would not have said so in words, but the instinctive conviction in his
-heart was so. When she looked round for the little picture it hurt him
-like a sting. Oh, if she would but think of the things that concerned
-her peace&mdash;not of follies, childish distractions, amusements for the
-fancy. On her side, the poor lady was conscious more or less of all that
-was going on, understood here and there the prayers that were going over
-her head, prayers of others for her, rather than anything to be said by
-herself. In the midst of them, she felt herself already like St.
-Catherine, floating away into ineffable peace, then coming back again to
-hear the sacred words, to see the little circle round her on their
-knees, and to smile upon them in an utter calm of weakness without pain,
-feeling only that they were good to her, thinking of her, which was
-sweet, but knowing little more.</p>
-
-<p>It was the most serene and cloudless night after that terrible day. A
-little after Colonel Kingsward had left the room finally and shut
-himself up in his study, Moulsey took the two girls out into the garden,
-through a window which opened upon it. “Children, go and breathe the
-sweet air. I’ll not have you in a room to break your hearts. Look up
-yonder&mdash;yonder where she’s gone,” said the kind nurse who had done
-everything for their mother. And they stole out&mdash;the two little ghosts,
-overborne with the dreadful burden of humanity, the burden which none of
-us can shake off, and crept across the grass to the seat where she had
-been used to sit among the children. The night was peace itself&mdash;not a
-breath stirring, a young moon with something wistful in her light
-looking down, making the garden bright as with a softened ethereal day.
-A line of white cloud dimly detached from the softness of the blue lay
-far off towards the west amid the radiance, a long faint line as of
-something in the far distance. Bee and Betty stood and gazed at it with
-eyes and hearts over-charged, each leaning upon the other. Their young
-souls were touched with awe and an awful quiet. They were too near the
-departure to have fallen down as yet into the vacancy and emptiness of
-re-awakening life. “Oh,” they said, “if that should be her!” And why
-should it not be? Unless perhaps there was a quicker way. They watched
-it with that sob in the throat which is of all sounds and sensations the
-most overwhelming. It seemed to them as if they were watching her a
-little further on her way, to the very horizon, till the soft distance
-closed over, and that speck like a sail upon the sea could be seen no
-more. And when it was gone they sank down together upon her seat, under
-the trees she loved, where the children had played and tumbled on the
-grass about her, and talked of her in broken words, a little phrase now
-and then, sometimes only “Mother,” or “Oh, mamma, mamma,” now from one,
-now from another&mdash;in that first extraordinary exaltation and anguish
-which is not yet grief.</p>
-
-<p>They did not know how long they had been there when something stirred in
-the bushes, and the two big boys, Arthur and Fred, came heavily into
-sight, holding each other by the arm. The boys were bewildered, heavy
-and miserable, not knowing what to do with themselves nor where to go.
-But they came up with a purpose, which was a little ease in the trouble.
-It cost them a little convulsion of reluctant crying before they could
-get out what they had to say. Then it came out in broken words from both
-together. “Bee, there’s someone wants to speak to you at the gate.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh! who could want to speak to me&mdash;to-night? I cannot speak to anyone;
-you might have known.”</p>
-
-<p>“Bee,” said Arthur, the eldest, “it isn’t just&mdash;anyone; it’s&mdash;we thought
-you would perhaps&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“He told us,” said Fred, “who he was; and begged so hard&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>Then there came back upon poor Bee all the other trouble that she had
-pushed away from her. Her heart seemed to grow hard and cold after all
-the softening and tenderness of this dreadful yet heavenly hour. “I will
-see no one&mdash;no one,” she said.</p>
-
-<p>“Bee,” said the boys, “we shut the gate upon him; but he took hold of
-our hands, and&mdash;and cried, too.” They had to stop and swallow the sob
-before either could say any more. “He said she was his best friend. He
-said he couldn’t bear it no more than us. And if you would only speak to
-him.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee got up from her mother’s seat; her poor little heart swelled in her
-bosom as if it would burst. Oh! how was she to bear all this&mdash;to bear it
-all&mdash;to have no one to help her! “No, no, I will not. I will not!” she
-said.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Bee,” cried Betty, “if it is Aubrey&mdash;poor Aubrey! She was fond of
-him. She would not like him to be left out. Oh, Bee, come; come and
-speak to him. Suppose one of us were alone, with nobody to say mother’s
-name to!”</p>
-
-<p>“No, I will not,” said Bee. “Oh! Betty, mother knows why; she knows.”</p>
-
-<p>“What does she know?” cried Betty, pleading. “She was fond of him. I am
-fond of him, without thinking of you, for mother’s sake.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, let me go! I am going in; I am going to her. I wish, I wish she had
-taken me with her! No, no, no! I will never see him more.”</p>
-
-<p>“I think,” said Betty to the boys, pushing them away, “that she is not
-quite herself. Tell him she’s not herself. Say she’s not able to speak
-to anyone, and we can’t move her. And&mdash;and give poor Aubrey&mdash;oh, poor
-Aubrey!&mdash;my love.”</p>
-
-<p>The boys turned away on their mission, crossing the gravel path with a
-commotion of their heavy feet which seemed to fill the air with echoes.</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward heard it from his study, though that was closed up
-from any influence outside. He opened his window and came out, standing
-a black figure surrounded by the moonlight. “Who is there?” he said.
-“Are there any of you so lost to all feeling as to be out in the
-garden, of all nights in the world on this night?”</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXI" id="CHAPTER_XXI"></a>CHAPTER XXI.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">Aubrey Leigh</span> had been living a troubled life during the time which had
-elapsed since the swallowing up in the country of the family in which he
-had become so suddenly interested, of which, for a short time, he had felt
-himself a member, and from which, as he felt, he could never be
-separated, whatever arbitrary laws might be made by its head. When they
-disappeared from London, which was done so suddenly, he was much cast
-down for the moment, but, as he had the fullest faith in Bee, and was
-sustained by her independence of character and determined to stand by
-him whatever happened, he was, though anxious and full of agitation,
-neither despairing nor even in very low spirits. To be sure there were
-moments in which his heart sank, recalling the blank countenance of the
-father, and the too gentle and yielding disposition of the mother, and
-Bee’s extreme youth and habits of obedience to both. He felt how much
-there was to be said against himself&mdash;a man who had been forced into
-circumstances of danger which nobody but himself could fully understand,
-and against which his whole being had revolted, though he could say but
-little on the subject. And, indeed, who was to understand that a man
-might yield to a sudden temptation which he despised and hated, and that
-he could not even explain that this was so, laying the blackest blame
-upon another&mdash;to a man, and still less to a woman; which last was
-impossible, and not even to be thought of. He might tell it, perhaps, to
-his mother, and there was a possibility of help there; though even there
-a hundred difficulties existed. But he was not wound up to that last
-appeal, and he felt, at first, but little fear of the eventual result He
-was assured of Bee’s faithfulness, and how could any parent stand out
-against Bee? Not even, he tried to persuade himself, the stern Colonel,
-who had so crushed himself. And she had received his first letters, and
-had answered them, professing her determination never to be coerced in
-this respect.</p>
-
-<p>He was agitated, his life was full of excitement, and speculation, and
-trouble. But this is nothing dreadful in a young man’s life. It was
-perhaps better, more enlivening, more vivid, than the delights of an
-undisturbed love-making, followed by a triumphant marriage. It is well
-sometimes that the course of true love should not run smooth. He thought
-himself unhappy in being separated from Bee; but the keen delight of her
-determination to stand by him for good or evil, her faith in him, her
-championship, and the conviction that this being so all must come right
-in the end, was like a stream of bright fresh water flowing through the
-somewhat sombre flat of his existence. It had been very sombre in the
-early days of what people thought his youthful happiness&mdash;very flat,
-monotonous, yet with ignoble contentions in it. Bee’s sunshiny nature,
-full of lights and shadows, had changed the whole landscape, and now
-the excitement of this struggle for her, changed it still more. It might
-be a hard battle, but they would win in the end. Whether he, a somewhat
-unlucky fellow, would have done so was very doubtful&mdash;but for her the
-stars would fight in their courses. Everything would be overturned in
-the world, rather than that Bee should be made miserable, and since she
-had set her dear heart on him, on his behalf too the very elements would
-fight, for how otherwise could Bee be made happy? The argument was
-without a flaw.</p>
-
-<p>This was his reasoning, never put, I need not say, into any formula of
-words, yet vaguely believed in, and forming a source of the brightest
-exhilaration in his life, rousing all combative influences by the power
-of that hope of success which was a certainty in such a case. This
-exhilaration was crossed by the blackest of disappointments, and
-threatened to become despair when for days he had no sign of existence
-from Bee: but that after all was only a keener excitement&mdash;the sting of
-anxiety which makes after satisfaction more sweet. And then he was
-consoled to hear of Mrs. Kingsward’s illness, which explained
-everything. Not that Aubrey was selfish enough to rejoice in that poor
-lady’s suffering. He would have been shocked and horrified by the
-thought. But then it was no unusual thing for Mrs. Kingsward to be ill;
-it is not unusual, a young man so easily thinks, for any middle-aged
-person to be ill&mdash;and in so many cases it does not seem to do them much
-harm; whereas it did him much good&mdash;for it explained the silence of Bee!</p>
-
-<p>And then it came to Aubrey’s ears that Mrs. Kingsward was very
-ill&mdash;worse than she had ever been before; and then that all the family
-had been summoned that she was dying. Such rumours spread like
-wildfire&mdash;they get into the air&mdash;nobody knows how they come. He went
-down to the village nearest Kingswarden, and found a lodging there, when
-this news reached him, and endeavoured to send a note to Bee, to let her
-know he was at hand. But in the trouble of the house this note, sent by
-a private hand&mdash;always in these days an unsafe method&mdash;was somehow lost
-and never reached her. He hung about the house in the evenings,
-avoiding on various occasions an encounter with Charlie, who was not
-friendly, and with the Colonel, who was his enemy. These two were the
-only members of the family visible outside the gates of
-Kingswarden&mdash;until he managed to identify the two boys, whose
-disconsolate wanderings about pointed them out to him, and who did not
-know, therefore had no hostility or suspicion of the stranger who
-inquired after their mother so anxiously. Everybody inquired after their
-mother. It was nothing strange to them to be stopped on the road with
-this question. It was thus at last, hearing the final blow had fallen,
-Aubrey had ventured to send a message, to ask for a word from Bee. The
-thought of what the girl must be suffering in her first grief, and to
-feel himself so near her&mdash;almost within hearing&mdash;yet altogether shut
-out, was more than he could bear. He pushed in within the gate, into the
-shelter of the shrubbery, and there he stopped short, bound by invisible
-restraints. It was the home of his love, and yet it was the house of his
-enemy. He could not take advantage of the darkness of the night and of
-the misery of the moment to violate the sanctuary of a man soul-stricken
-by such trouble. But from where he stood he could see the little group
-of shadows under the tree. And how could he go away and not say a word
-to her&mdash;not take her in his arms, tell her his heart was with her, and
-that he was a mourner too? “Ask Bee to speak to me. Ask her to speak to
-me&mdash;only for a moment. I am Aubrey Leigh,” he said to the two brothers,
-taking an arm of each, imploring them. The boys did not know much about
-Aubrey Leigh, but still they had heard the name. And they were overawed
-by his earnestness; the sound of his voice which, full of passion and
-feeling as it was, was strange to their undeveloped consciousness. They
-took his message, as we have seen, and then there came a mysterious
-moment which Aubrey could not understand. He could not hear what was
-said, but he was conscious of a resistance, of denial, and that Bee did
-not make a step towards him; that she recoiled rather than advanced.
-Though he could scarcely see anything distinctly, he could see
-that&mdash;that there was no impulse towards him, but rather the reverse;
-that Bee did not wish to come. And then the harsh voice of the Colonel
-broke the spell of the quiet, of the mournful, tranquil night, which it
-was so easy for a roused imagination to think was penetrated, too, by
-the sentiment of sorrow and of peace. The Colonel’s voice put every
-gentler vision to flight. “Is it possible that any of you are out here
-in the garden&mdash;of all nights in the world on this night?” Oh! the very
-night of all nights to be there&mdash;in the first awe and silence, watching
-her pass, as it were, to the very gates of Heaven! Perhaps, it was
-unawares from Bee’s mind that this idea came to his&mdash;“to watch her
-ascending, trailing clouds of glory,” as the poet said; but that was the
-spirit coming and not going. These thoughts flew through his mind in the
-shock and irritation of the Colonel’s voice. And then the shadows under
-the tree seemed to fly away and disperse, and silence fell upon all
-around, the great ghostly trees standing up immovable like muffled
-giants in the moonlight, their shadows making lines and heavy clumps of
-blackness on the turf, the late roses showing pale in the distance, the
-garden paths white and desolate. A moment more, and the harsh sound,
-almost angry, of the Colonel’s window shutting, of bolts and bars, and a
-final closing up of everything came unkindly upon the hushed air. And
-then the moonlight reached the shut up house, all unresponsive, with
-death in it, with one faint light burning in the large window upstairs,
-showing where the gentle inmate lay who needed light no more. Strange
-prejudice of humanity that put out all the lights for sleep, but
-surrounds death with them, that no careless spirit may mistake for a
-common chamber the place where that last majesty lies.</p>
-
-<p>Aubrey stood alone in this hushed and silent world. His heart was as
-heavy as a stone, heavy with grief for the friend who had passed for
-ever out of his life. He had not known perhaps till now what he too had
-lost&mdash;a friend, who would not have forsaken him not a very strong
-champion to fight for him; but a friend that never, whatever might be
-said, would have refused to hear him, refused to give him her sympathy.
-Had Bee, his own Bee, refused? The young man was bewildered beyond the
-power of thought. Was it his fault to have come too soon? Was it an
-outrage to be there on the night of the mother’s death? But there was no
-outrage in his thoughts, not even any selfishness. It was her he had
-been thinking of, not himself; that she might feel there was someone
-whose thoughts were all hers, who was herself, not another, feeling with
-her, mourning with her, her very own to take the half of her burden. He
-had felt that he could not be far away while Bee was in trouble&mdash;that
-even to stand outside would be something, would somehow lighten her
-load, would make her feel in the very air a consciousness of the mighty
-love that would</p>
-
-<div class="poetry">
-<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
-<span class="i8">cleave in twain<br /></span>
-<span class="i0">The lading of a single pain<br /></span>
-<span class="i0">And part it giving half to him.<br /></span>
-</div></div>
-</div>
-
-<p>His heart, which had so gone out to her, seemed to come back confused,
-with all the life out of it, full of wonder and dismay. Had she rejected
-him and his sympathy? Was it the fault of the others, the boys who did
-not know what to say? Was she angry that he should come so soon? But it
-was now, immediately on the very stroke of the distress, that love
-should come. He stood for a long time silent, bewildered, not knowing
-what to think. Was it possible that she could have misunderstood him,
-have thought that he had come here only to beguile her into his arms, to
-take advantage of an opportunity? It pained poor Aubrey to the heart to
-think that she might have thought so. Ah! Mrs. Kingsward would not have
-done it, would not have let Bee do it. But she lay there, where the
-light was, never to say anything more: and Bee&mdash;Bee!</p>
-
-<p>He got out of the little park that surrounded Kingswarden by the stile
-near the village, some time after, he did not know how long. He thought
-it was in the middle of the night. The moon had set, everything was
-dark, and all the cottagers asleep. But time is long to watchers
-unaccustomed to long vigils, and the lights were not out at the small
-inn in the village where he was lodging. He found the master of the
-house and his wife talking at the door in subdued tones, over the event
-of the evening. “She was always a weakly body, but she’ll be sore
-missed,” the woman said. “She kept everything going. The Colonel, he’ll
-not have a servant left as will put up with him in three months. You
-take my word. She kept all straight. Lord, that’s how women mostly
-is&mdash;no account as long as they’re living&mdash;and then you finds the want o’
-them when they’re gone.”</p>
-
-<p>“Here you are, mister,” said the landlord; “we thought as you was lost.
-It was a fine night, tempting for a walk. But it’s clouding over now.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, no, sir, nought of the sort,” said the woman. “My master here, he
-never goes to bed afore the middle of the night, he don’t, and it’s an
-excuse for not getting up in the mornin’. But you’ll have to be early
-to-morrow, Gregg, you take my word, for there’ll be undertakers’ men and
-that sort down from London, and I’ll not be bothered with them, mind you
-that.”</p>
-
-<p>“I suppose you’re right this time,” said the man. “They drinks a deal to
-keep up their spirits, being as it is a kind of depressing trade.”</p>
-
-<p>“If I hear you laugh again like that!&mdash;and the missis lying in her
-coffin! Don’t you think, sir, as he’s got no feeling. He puts it off
-like with a laugh not to cry. I was kitchen-maid up there, and he was
-groom in the old days, and many and many’s the kindness she done to me
-and mine. Oh, and such a pretty lady and sweet&mdash;and a young family left
-just at the ages that most need a mother’s care.”</p>
-
-<p>“They’re all ages, Molly, if you come to that.”</p>
-
-<p>“Well, and don’t they want a mother’s care at all ages? What would you
-do with my children if I was took, John Gregg? And the Colonel, he’s
-just a helpless man like you are. The only hope is as Miss Bee will turn
-out like her mother. I always thought she favoured Missis, though some
-said it was the Colonel she was like. It’s a dreadful charge for her,
-poor thing, at her age; but if she takes after the Missis there will be
-some hope for them,” the woman said.</p>
-
-<p>“I thought as Miss Bee was going to be married?” said the landlord.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, that’s all broken off,” she said, “and a good thing too, seeing
-what’s happened, for what could ever little Miss Betty do?”</p>
-
-<p>Aubrey, who had lingered listening, went slowly up the narrow wooden
-stair to his shabby little room as the pair locked the door and put out
-their lights. He heard them carrying on the conversation in the kitchen
-underneath for a few minutes before they, too, in their turn clambered
-upstairs to bed. “Oh, that’s all broken off, and a good thing too.” He
-kept saying these words over and over miserably, as if they had been the
-chorus of some dreadful song of fate.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXII" id="CHAPTER_XXII"></a>CHAPTER XXII.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">Aubrey</span> stayed at the village public-house day after day, hoping for some
-sign or message. He wrote to Bee, this time by the post; but he had no
-better success. Was it only because of her grief that she took no
-notice? Terrible as that grief must be, and rigorous as evidently were
-the rules of the closed-up house, from which no one came forth, even for
-a mouthful of air, it did not seem to him that this was reason enough
-for putting him from her&mdash;he who was to share her life, and whose
-sympathy was so full and overflowing. Surely it was the moment when all
-who loved her should gather round her, when she most wanted solace and
-support. It could not be that her heart was so wrapped up in sorrow
-that she should push from her the man who had the best right to share
-her tears&mdash;whom her mother approved and liked, whose acceptance she had
-ratified and confirmed. It could not be that. He felt that, had he been
-in the same circumstances, his cry would have been for Bee to stand by
-him, to comfort him. Was she so different, or was she overwhelmed by
-what was before her&mdash;the charge of her father’s house, the dreadful
-suggestion that it was to him and the children she should dedicate
-herself henceforward, giving up her own happiness? It seemed to Aubrey,
-after long thinking, that this must be the cause of her silence; the
-burden which surely was not for her young shoulders, which never could
-be intended for her, must have come down upon her, crushing her. She was
-the eldest girl. She must have, like so many girls, an exaggerated sense
-of what was her duty. Her duty! Could anything be more fantastic, more
-impossible? To take her mother’s place&mdash;and her mother had been killed
-by it!&mdash;to humour the stern father&mdash;to take care of the tribe of
-children, to be their nurse, their ruler&mdash;everything that a creature of
-nineteen could not, should not be! And for this she would throw aside
-her own life&mdash;and him, whose life it was also. He would never, never
-consent to such a sacrifice, he said to himself. Bee was not soft and
-yielding, like their mother. She was a determined little thing. She
-would stand to it, and sacrifice him as she sacrificed herself, unless
-he made a bold stand from the first. No, no, no! Whatever was to be
-done, that must not be done. He would not have it&mdash;he must let her know
-from the very first&mdash;if it were not that she knew already, and that this
-was the reason why she was silent, feeling that if ever they met she
-could not hold out against him. Poor little Bee! Poor, poor little Bee!
-Her mother dead, and her father so stern; and thinking it her duty&mdash;her
-duty, God bless her!&mdash;to take all that household upon her little
-shoulders. The tears came into his eyes with a sudden softening. She
-thought it better to keep him at arm’s length, the darling, knowing that
-she never could stand against him, that he would never, never consent;
-the little, sublime, unreasonable girl! The things they took into their
-heads, these inexperienced, generous creatures! But, thank heaven, he
-was here; even though she held him at bay&mdash;here, to make all right.</p>
-
-<p>The reader knows that poor Bee was not actuated by such lofty feelings,
-but then Aubrey had no knowledge in his mind of that strange story which
-had destroyed her faith in him. When a man is guilty he knows all that
-can be brought against him, in which, in its way, there is a certain
-advantage. He cannot be taken by surprise. He knows that this or that is
-lying ready like a secret weapon apt to be picked up by any man who may
-wish to do him harm. But the innocent man has not that safeguard. It is
-not likely to occur to him that harmless circumstances may be so twisted
-as to look like guilt. For his own part he had forgotten all about that
-little episode on the railway&mdash;or if he remembered it, it was with a
-smile and a glow of momentary pleasure, to think how, with a little
-money&mdash;so small a matter&mdash;he had been able to make comfort take the
-place of misery to the poor little family, whom perhaps he would never
-have noticed at all had not his thoughts been full of Bee. He had done
-that for her with the feeling with which he might have given her an
-ornament or a basket of flowers; the only drawback to the pleasure of it
-being that he could not tell her off-hand, and get the smile of thanks
-she would give him for it&mdash;far more than he deserved, for he liked doing
-it&mdash;kindness coming natural to this young man. It was hard on Aubrey in
-the complications of fate that this innocent, nay praiseworthy, incident
-should be made the occasion of his trouble. But he had no suspicion of
-it&mdash;forgot the fact, indeed, altogether&mdash;and would have laughed at the
-idea that such an accidental occurrence could in any way influence his
-fate.</p>
-
-<p>He went to the funeral, unnoticed in the crowd of people who were
-there&mdash;some for love and some for conventional necessity, but almost all
-with a pang of natural sympathy to see the train of children who
-followed their mother to her last rest. The Colonel, rigid in all
-things, had insisted at last, that all, except the very youngest, should
-be there&mdash;having wavered for a moment whether it would not be more in
-order that the girls should remain at home, and only the boys be present
-at the melancholy ceremony. To see the little wondering faces
-two-and-two that followed the elder children up the aisle, and were
-installed in the mourners’ places, some of them scarcely tall enough to
-see over the edge of the pew, brought many a gush of tears to
-sympathetic eyes. Bee and Betty, the two inseparable “eldest,”&mdash;slim,
-black figures&mdash;drooping under the heavy veils that covered them from the
-daylight, almost touched Aubrey with their clinging black garments as
-they passed. Did they see him? He saw, wherever he was, at whatever
-distance, any movement they made. He saw that Bee never raised her head;
-but Betty was younger, and less self-restrained&mdash;that she had seen him
-at least he felt sure. And he felt the Colonel’s eyes upon him,
-penetrating the thickest of the crowd. Colonel Kingsward had a glance
-that saw everything. He was a man bereaved, the light of his eyes taken
-from him, and the comfort of his life&mdash;and yet he saw everything at his
-wife’s funeral, saw and noted the faces that were dull and tired of the
-tension, and those that were alive with sympathy&mdash;making notes for or
-against them in his memory, and, above all, he saw Aubrey Leigh. Charlie
-saw him more accidentally, without any conscious observation, and the
-boys who had cried all they were capable of, and now could not help
-their eyes straying a little, conscious of the spectacle, and of the
-important part they played in it, everybody looking at them. All of them
-saw him, but Bee. Was it only Bee who was so little in sympathy with him
-that she did not know he must be there?</p>
-
-<p>He went back to his lodging a little angry through his emotion. It was
-too much. Even in the interval between her mother’s death and funeral he
-felt that a girl who loved him should not be so obdurate as that, and he
-listened with a very sombre face to all the landlady’s discussion of the
-proceedings. “It was a shame,” she said, “to bring those little children
-there, not much more than babies&mdash;what could they know? I’d have kept
-them safe in the nursery with some quiet game to play, the poor little
-innocents! And so would Missis. Missis would have thought what was best
-for them, not for making a display. But God knows what will become of
-them children now.”</p>
-
-<p>“What should become of them?” said the husband. “They’ll get the best of
-everything and servants to wait on them hand and foot. The Colonel, he
-ain’t like a poor man who could do nothing for them. When the mother’s
-gone the children had better go too&mdash;in a poor man’s house.”</p>
-
-<p>“It’s little you know about it,” said the woman with contempt. “Rich
-house or poor house, it don’t make no such great difference. Nurses is a
-long way different from mothers. Not as I’m saying a word against Sarah
-Langridge, as is a good honest woman, that would wrong her master not by
-a candle end or a boot lace, not she. But that’s not like being a
-mother. The Lord grant that if I die and there’s a baby it may go too,
-as you say. You’re more than a nurse, you’re their father, and you’re
-part of them; but Lord forbid that I should leave a poor little baby on
-your hands.”</p>
-
-<p>The man turned on his heel with a tremulous laugh. “Well, I ain’t
-wishing it, am I?” he said.</p>
-
-<p>“But,” said Aubrey, “there are the&mdash;elder sisters&mdash;the young ladies.”</p>
-
-<p>“Miss Bee! Lord bless us, sir, do ye know the age that child is?
-Nineteen, and no more. Is that an age to take the charge of a nursery
-full of children? Why, her mother was but forty as has been laid in her
-grave to-day. I wish to goodness as that marriage hadn’t been broke off.
-He was a widower&mdash;and I don’t much hold with widowers&mdash;but I wish that I
-could give him a sign to come back, if he has any spirit in him, and try
-and get that poor young lady away.”</p>
-
-<p>“If he has been sent about his business,” said Aubrey, forcing a smile,
-“he could have no right to come back.”</p>
-
-<p>“I don’t know whose fault it was,” said the landlady. “None o’ missis’s,
-you take my word; but, Lord, if a gentleman loves a young lady, what’s
-to hinder him putting his pride in his pocket? A man does when he’s real
-fond of a woman in our rank of life.”</p>
-
-<p>“I don’t know about that,” said her husband. “If I had been sent away
-with a cuff on the side of my head, blessed if I’d ever have come back.”</p>
-
-<p>“You’re a poor lot, all of you,” the woman said.</p>
-
-<p>Aubrey could not but smile at the end of the argument, but he asked
-himself when he was alone&mdash;Was he a poor lot? Was he unwilling to put
-his pride in his pocket? Walking about his little room, turning over and
-over the circumstances, remembering the glare from Colonel Kingsward’s
-eye, which had recognised him, he at last evolved out of his own
-troubled feelings and imagination the idea that it was his part to offer
-sympathy, to hold out an olive branch. Perhaps, after all, the stern
-man’s heart was really touched; perhaps it would soothe him in his grief
-to hear that “when the eye saw her, then it blessed her,” which was
-Aubrey’s sincere feeling at this moment in respect to Bee’s mother. It
-seemed to him that it was best to act upon this impulse before other
-arguments came in; before the sense of wounding and pain in Bee’s
-silence got the upper hand. He spent most of the afternoon in writing a
-letter, so carefully put together, copied over and over again, that
-there might be nothing in it to wound the most sensitive feelings;
-offering to Colonel Kingsward his profound sympathy, telling him with
-emotion of her kindness to himself, her sweetness, her beauty, with that
-heightening of enthusiastic admiration, which, if it is permissible
-anywhere, is so over a new-made grave. And at the end he asked, with all
-the delicacy he could, whether in these new circumstances he might not
-ask a hearing, a renewed consideration, for her dear sake who had been
-so good to him, and who was gone.</p>
-
-<p>I am not sure that his judgment went fully with this renewed effort, and
-his landlady’s remarks were but a poor reason for any such step. But his
-heart was longing after Bee, angry with her, impatient beyond words,
-disturbed, miserable, not knowing how to support the silence and
-separation while yet so near. And to do something is always a relief,
-even though it may be the worst and not the best thing to do. In the
-evening after dark, when there was no one about, he went up to
-Kingswarden, and himself put his letter into the hands of the butler,
-who did not know him, and therefore knew no reason why the letter should
-either be carried in haste to his master or delayed. Aubrey heard that
-the young ladies were quite as well as could be expected, and the
-Colonel very composed, considering&mdash;and then he returned to the village.
-How silent the house was! Not a creature about, and how disturbing and
-painful to the anxious spirit even the simple noises and commotion of
-the village street.</p>
-
-<p>Next morning a letter came, delivered by the postman, from Kingswarden.
-It contained only a few words.</p>
-
-<div class="blockquot"><p>“Colonel Kingsward is obliged to Mr. Aubrey Leigh for his message
-of sympathy, but, on consideration of the whole circumstances,
-thinks it better that no pretence at intercourse should be resumed.
-It could be nothing but painful to both parties, and Colonel
-Kingsward, with his compliments, takes the liberty to suggest that
-Mr. Aubrey Leigh would do well to remain in the neighbourhood as
-short a time as suits his convenience.</p>
-
-<p class="r">
-“Kingswarden, October 15.”<br />
-</p></div>
-
-<p>Inside were the two or three notes which Aubrey on different
-occasions&mdash;twice by post and once by a private messenger&mdash;had sent to
-Bee. They had not been opened. The young man’s colour rose with a fiery
-indignation&mdash;his heart thumped in his ears. This was an explanation of
-which he had not thought. To keep back anyone’s letters had not occurred
-to him as a thing that in the end of the eighteenth century any man
-would dare to do. It seemed to bring him back face to face with
-old-fashioned, forgotten methods, of all sorts of antiquated kinds. He
-put down the papers on the table with a sort of awe. How was he to
-struggle against such ways of warfare? Bee might think he had not
-written at all&mdash;had shown no sympathy with her in her trouble. How
-likely that it was this that had made her angry, that kept her from
-saying a word, from vouchsafing a look! She might think it was he who
-was deficient, who showed no feeling. What was he to do? The landlady
-coming up with his breakfast broke in upon this distracting course of
-thought.</p>
-
-<p>“I didn’t know, sir, as you were acquainted with the Colonel’s family,”
-the woman said.</p>
-
-<p>“A little,” said poor Aubrey. The letters were all lying on the table,
-giving to a sharp observer a very good clue to the position. Mrs. Gregg
-had noted the unopened letters returned to him in the Colonel’s
-enclosure at the first glance.</p>
-
-<p>“You didn’t ought to have let us talk. Why, we might have been saying,
-without thinking, some ill of the Colonel or of Miss Bee.”</p>
-
-<p>He smiled, though with little heart. “You were once in their service,”
-he said, “do you ever go there now?”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, yes, now and again,” said Mrs. Gregg. “Sarah Langridge, as is in
-the nursery, is a cousin of mine, and I do go just to see them all now
-and again.”</p>
-
-<p>“Would you venture to take a letter from me to&mdash;Miss Kingsward?”</p>
-
-<p>“Sir,” said Mrs. Gregg, “is it about the marriage as was broke off? Is
-it?” she added quickly, as he answered her by nodding his head, “likely
-to come on again? That’s what I want to know.”</p>
-
-<p>“If it does not,” said Aubrey, “it will not be my fault.”</p>
-
-<p>“Then I will and welcome,” the landlady said. “It’s natural I should
-want to go the day after the funeral, to see about everything. Give me
-your letter, sir, and I’ll get it put safe into Miss Bee’s own hands.”</p>
-
-<p>All that he sent was half-a-dozen words of appeal.</p>
-
-<div class="blockquot"><p>“Bee, these have been sent back to me. Was it by your will? I have
-been here since ever I heard of her illness, longing to be with
-you, to tell you what I felt for her and you. And you would not
-speak to me! Bee, dearest, say you did not mean it. Tell me what I
-am to do.</p>
-
-<p class="r">
-“A.L.”<br />
-</p></div>
-
-<p>How long the woman was in getting ready&mdash;how long in going! Before she
-came back it was almost night again of the lingering, endless day. She
-brought him a little note, not returning the enclosures&mdash;that was always
-something&mdash;with a reproach. “Oh, sir, and you very near got me into
-terrible trouble! I’ll never, never carry anything from you again.” The
-note was still shorter than his own:&mdash;</p>
-
-<div class="blockquot"><p>“It was not by my will. I have never seen them till now. But
-please&mdash;please let this be the last. We can’t meet again. There can
-never more be anything between us&mdash;not from my father’s will, but
-my own. And this for ever&mdash;and your own heart will tell you why.</p>
-
-<p class="r">
-“<span class="smcap">Bee.</span>”<br />
-</p></div>
-
-<p>“My own heart will tell me why! My heart tells me nothing&mdash;nothing!”
-poor Aubrey said to himself in the silence of his little room. But there
-was little use in repeating it to himself, and there was no other ear to
-hear.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXIII" id="CHAPTER_XXIII"></a>CHAPTER XXIII.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">It</span> was with a sort of stupified bewilderment that Aubrey read over and
-over the little letter of Bee’s. Letter! To call it a letter. Those
-straggling lines without any beginning, no name of him to whom they were
-addressed, nothing even of the most superficial courtesy, nothing that
-marked the link that had been&mdash;unless it were, perhaps, the abruptness,
-the harshness, which she would have used to no other. This was a kind of
-painful comfort in its way, when he came to think of it. To nobody but
-him would she have written so&mdash;this was the little gleam of light. And
-she had retained his letters, though she had forbidden him from sending
-more. These lights of consolation leaped into his mind with the first
-reading, but the more he repeated that reading, the darker grew the
-prospect, and the less comfort they gave him. “Not by my father’s will,
-but my own; and your own heart will tell you why.” What did she mean by
-his own heart? She had begun to write conscience, and then drew her pen
-through it. Conscience! What had he done? What had he done? The real
-trouble of his life Bee had forgiven. Her father had stood upon it, and
-nothing had changed his standing ground so far as the Colonel was
-concerned; but Bee, who did not understand&mdash;how should any girl
-understand?&mdash;had forgiven him, had flung his reproach away and accepted
-him as he was. How was it that she should thus go back on her decision
-now? “Not my father’s will, but mine. And your conscience will tell you
-why.” Aubrey’s conscience reproached him with nothing, with no thought
-of unfaithfulness to the young and spotless love which had re-created
-his being. He had never denied the old reproach. But what was it, what
-was it which she bid him to remember, which would explain the change in
-her? “Your heart will tell you why”&mdash;why his heart? and what was there
-that could be told him, which could explain this? He walked about his
-little room all night, shaking the little rickety little house with his
-tread, asking himself, “What was it, what was it?” and finding no answer
-anywhere.</p>
-
-<p>When he got up from a troubled morning sleep, these disturbed and
-unrefreshing slumbers, full of visions which turn the appearance of rest
-into the most fatiguing of labour, Aubrey formed a resolution, which he
-said to himself he should perhaps have carried out from the first. He
-had an advocate who could take charge of his cause without any fear of
-betrayal, his mother, and to her he would go without delay. Of all
-things in the world to do, after the reception of Bee’s note, giving in
-was the last thing he could think of. To accept that strange and
-agitated decision, to allow that there was something in his own heart
-that would explain it to him, was what he would not and could not do.
-There was nothing in his own consciousness, in his heart or conscience,
-as she had said, that could explain it. Nothing! It was not to his
-credit to accept such a dismissal, even if he had been unaffected by it.
-He could not let a mystery fall over this, leaving it as one of those
-things unexplained which tear life in pieces. That would be mere
-weakness, not the mode of action of a man of sense who had no exposure
-to face. But if his letters were intercepted&mdash;miserable folly!&mdash;by the
-father, a man of the world who ought to have known that such proceedings
-were an anachronism&mdash;and rejected by herself, it was little use that he
-should continue writing. Against two such methods of silencing him no
-man could contend. But there was still one other great card to play. He
-went out and took a last view of the sheltered and flowery dwelling of
-Kingswarden, as it could be seen among the trees at one part of the
-road. The windows were open and all the blinds drawn up. The house had
-come back out of the shadow of death into the every-day composure of
-living. White curtains fluttered in the wind at the upper windows. The
-late climbing roses and pretty bunches of clematis seemed again to look
-in. It was still like summer, though the year was waning, and the sun
-still shone, notwithstanding all sorrow. Aubrey saw no one, however, but
-a housemaid, who paused as she passed to put up a window, and looked out
-for a moment. That was all. He had not the chance of seeing any face
-that he wished to see. In the village he met the two boys, who
-recognised him sheepishly with their eyes, and a look from one to
-another, but were about to shuffle past, Reginald on the heels of
-Arthur, to escape his notice&mdash;when he stopped them, which was a fact
-they were unprepared for, and had not calculated how to meet. He told
-them that he was going away, a definite fact upon which they seized
-eagerly. “Oh, so are we,” they said, both together, one of them adding
-the explanation that there was always something going on at school. “And
-there’s nothing to do here,” the other added. “I hope we’ll, sometime or
-other, know each other better,” said Aubrey, at which the boys hung
-their heads. “There is a good deal of shooting down at my little
-place,” he added. He was not above such a mean act; whereupon the two
-heads raised themselves by one impulse, as if they had been upon wires,
-and two pairs of eyes shone. “Try if you can do anything for me, and
-I’ll do everything I can for you,” this insidious plotter said. The boys
-shook hands with him with a warmth which they never expected to have
-felt for any such “spoon,” and said to each other that he didn’t seem
-such a bad fellow at bottom&mdash;as if they had searched his being through
-and through. Mr. Leigh met Charlie when on his way to the railway
-station, but he had no encouragement to say anything to Charlie. They
-passed each other with a nod, very surly on Charlie’s part, whose anger
-at the sight of him&mdash;as if that man had anything to do with <i>our</i>
-trouble&mdash;was perhaps not so unnatural. Charlie, too, was going back to
-Oxford next day, and thankful to be doing so, out of this dreary place,
-where there was nothing to do.</p>
-
-<p>It was the afternoon of the next day when Aubrey arrived at his mother’s
-house. It was at some distance from his own house, much too far to
-drive, and only to be got at by cross-country railways, with an interval
-of an hour or two of waiting at several junctions, facts which he could
-not help remembering his poor little wife and her companion had
-congratulated themselves upon in those old, strange days, which had
-disappeared so entirely, like a tale that is told. He wondered whether
-she would equally think it an advantage&mdash;if she ever was the partner of
-his home. There seemed to him now something wrong in the thought, a mean
-sort of petty feeling, unworthy of a fine nature. He wondered if
-Bee&mdash;Bee! How unlikely it was that she would ever consider that
-question, or know anything further about his house or his ways of
-living&mdash;she who had thrust him away from her at the very moment when her
-heart ought to have been most soft&mdash;when love was most wanted to
-strengthen and uphold. Not her father’s will, but her own. And your own
-heart will explain it. His own heart! in which there was nothing but
-truth and devotion to her.</p>
-
-<p>He arrived thus at his mother’s house very depressed in spirits. Mrs.
-Leigh was not the ordinary kind of mother for a young man like Aubrey
-Leigh. She was not one of those mothers wholly wrapped up in their
-children, who are so general. She had all along made an attempt at an
-independent life of her own. When Aubrey married she was still a
-comparatively young woman, by no means disposed to sink her identity in
-him or his household. Mrs. Aubrey Leigh might possess the first place in
-the family as the queen regnant, but Mrs. Leigh, in her personality a
-much more important person, had no idea of being swamped, and giving up
-her natural consequence. She was still a considerable person, though she
-was not rich, and inhabited only a sort of jointure-house, a “small
-place” capable of holding very few visitors. Aubrey was her only son,
-and she was, of course, very fond of him&mdash;<i>of course</i>, she was very fond
-of him&mdash;but she had no intention of sinking into insignificance or
-living only in the reflection of Aubrey, still less of his wife.</p>
-
-<p>Hurstleigh, where Mrs. Leigh lived, was near the sea, and near also to
-the county town, which was a brisk and thriving seaport. It was an old
-house that had known many fluctuations, an ancient manor house,
-inhabited once by the Leighs when they were of humbler pretentions than
-now; then it became a farm-house, then was let to a hunting man, who
-greatly enlarged the stables; and now it was a jointure-house, the
-stables veiled by a new wing, the place in that trim order which denotes
-a careful master, and more particularly mistress; with large lattice
-windows, heavy mullions, and a terrace with stone balustrades running
-all the length of the house. Mrs. Leigh generally sat in a room opening
-upon this terrace, with the windows always open, except in the coldest
-weather, and there it was that Aubrey made his way, without passing
-through the house. His mother was sitting at one of her favourite
-occupations&mdash;writing letters. She was one of those women who maintain a
-large correspondence, chiefly for the reason that it amuses them to
-receive letters and to feel themselves a centre of lively and varied
-life; besides that, she was considered a very clever letter writer,
-which is a temptation to everyone who possesses, or is supposed to
-possess, that qualification. She rose quickly, with a cry of “Aubrey!”
-in great surprise.</p>
-
-<p>“You are the last person I expected to see,” she said, when she had
-given him a warm welcome. “I saw the death in the papers, and I
-supposed, of course, you would be there.”</p>
-
-<p>“I have just come from Kingswarden,” he said, with a little nod of his
-head in assent; “and yet I was not there.”</p>
-
-<p>“Riddle me no riddles, Aubrey, for I never was good at guessing. You
-were there and yet you were not there?”</p>
-
-<p>“I am afraid&mdash;I am no longer a welcome visitor, mother,” he said, with a
-faint smile.</p>
-
-<p>“What!” Mrs. Leigh’s astonishment was so great that it seemed to disturb
-the afternoon quiet which reigned over the whole domain. “What! Why,
-Aubrey! It was only the other day I heard of your engagement.”</p>
-
-<p>“It is quite true, and yet it has become ancient history, and nobody
-remembers it any more.”</p>
-
-<p>“What do you mean?” she cried. “My dear Aubrey, I do not understand you.
-I thought you were dangling about after your young lady, and that this
-was the reason why I heard so little of you; and then I was much
-startled to see that announcement in the papers. But you said she was
-always delicate. Well, but what on earth is the meaning of this other
-change?”</p>
-
-<p>“I told you, mother. For some time I was but half accepted, pending
-Colonel Kingsward’s decision.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, yes; one knows what that sort of thing means! And then Colonel
-Kingsward generously consented&mdash;to one of the best matches in
-England&mdash;in your condition of life.”</p>
-
-<p>“I am not a young duke, mother.”</p>
-
-<p>“No, you are not a young duke. I said in your condition of life, and the
-Kingswards are nothing superior to that, I believe. Well&mdash;and then? That
-was where your last letter left me.”</p>
-
-<p>“I am ashamed not to have written, mother; but it wasn’t pleasant
-news&mdash;and I always hoped to change their mind.”</p>
-
-<p>“Well? I suppose there was some cause for it?” she said, after waiting a
-long minute or two for his next words.</p>
-
-<p>He got up and walked to the window, which, as has been intimated, was
-also a door opening and leading out on to the terrace. “May I shut this
-window?” he said, turning his back on her; and then he added, still
-keeping that attitude, “it was of course because of that old affair.”</p>
-
-<p>“What old affair?”</p>
-
-<p>“You generally understand at half a word, mother; must I go into the
-whole nauseous business?”</p>
-
-<p>She came up to him and laid her hand on his shoulder. “Miss Lance,” she
-said.</p>
-
-<p>“What else? I haven’t had so many scandals in my life that you should
-stand in any doubt.”</p>
-
-<p>“Scandals!” she exclaimed; and again was silent for a moment. “Aubrey,
-explain it to me a little. How did that business come to their ears?”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, in the easiest way, the simplest way!” he cried, “The injured woman
-called on the father of the girl who was going to be given to such a
-reprobate as me.” He laughed loudly and harshly, preserving the most
-tragic face all the time.</p>
-
-<p>“The injured woman! Good heavens! And was the man such an ass&mdash;such an
-ass&mdash;&mdash;?”</p>
-
-<p>“He is not an ass, mother; he is a model of every virtue. My engagement,
-if you like to call it so, lasted about a week, and then I was suddenly
-turned adrift.”</p>
-
-<p>“Aubrey, when did all this happen?”</p>
-
-<p>“I suppose about three weeks ago. Pardon me, mother, for not having
-written, but I had no heart to write. I left them at Cologne, and
-travelled home by myself, and the first thing I did, of course, was to
-go and see Colonel Kingsward.”</p>
-
-<p>“Well?”</p>
-
-<p>“No, it wasn’t well at all. He refused to listen to me. Of course, I got
-it out from my side as well as I could, but it made no difference. He
-would not hear me. He would understand no excuse.”</p>
-
-<p>“And the ladies?”</p>
-
-<p>“Mrs. Kingsward was too gentle and yielding. She never opposed him,
-and&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Aubrey, the girl whom you loved, and had such faith in&mdash;Bee, don’t you
-call her?&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Bee&mdash;stood by me, mother; never hesitated, gave me her hand, and stood
-by me.”</p>
-
-<p>“Ah, well,” said Mrs. Leigh, with a little sigh of relief, “then that’s
-all right. The father will soon come round&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“So I should have said yesterday. I left them in that full faith. But
-since they came back to Kingswarden something has happened. I wrote to
-her, but I got no answer&mdash;I supposed it was her mother’s illness&mdash;now I
-have found that he stops my letters; but something far worse&mdash;wait a
-moment&mdash;she, Bee herself, wrote to me yesterday, dismissing me without a
-word of explanation&mdash;declaring she did it by her own will, not her
-father’s&mdash;and adding, my conscience would tell me why.”</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Leigh looked her son straight in the face for a full minute.
-“Aubrey&mdash;and does your conscience tell you why?”</p>
-
-<p>“No, mother. I am too bewildered even to be able to think&mdash;I have not an
-idea what she means. She knew all there was to know&mdash;without
-understanding it in the least, it needn’t be said&mdash;and held fast to her
-word; and now I know no more what she means than you do. Mother,
-there’s only one thing to be done&mdash;you must take it in hand.”</p>
-
-<p>“I&mdash;&mdash; take your love affairs in hand!” she said.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXIV" id="CHAPTER_XXIV"></a>CHAPTER XXIV.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">But</span> though Mrs. Leigh said this it is by no means certain that she meant
-it even at the first moment. It is only a very prudent woman who objects
-to being asked to interfere in a young man’s love affairs. Generally the
-request itself is a compliment, and not less, but perhaps more so, when
-made to a mother by her son. And Mrs. Leigh, though a sensible and
-prudent person enough in ordinary affairs, did not attain to the height
-of virtue above indicated. When she went upstairs to change her gown for
-dinner, after talking it over and over with Aubrey in every possible
-point of view, her mind, though she had not yet consented in words, had
-begun to turn over the best methods of opening the question with the
-Kingswards, and what it would be wisest in the circumstances to do. That
-Aubrey should be beaten, that he should have to give up the girl whom he
-loved, and of whom he gave so exalted a description, seemed the one
-thing that must not be permitted to be. Mrs. Leigh was very anxious that
-her son should marry, if it were only to wipe out the episode of that
-little, silly Amy, who was fonder of her friend than of her husband; and
-the half ludicrous, half tragic chapter of <i>that</i> woman, staying on,
-resisting all efforts to dislodge her for so long, until she had as she
-thought acquired rights over the poor young man, who was not
-strong-minded enough to turn her out of his house. To obliterate these
-circumstances from the mind of the county altogether, as could only be
-done by a happy and suitable marriage, Mrs. Leigh would have done much,
-and, to be sure, her son’s happiness was also dear to her. Poor Aubrey!
-His first adventure into life had not been a happy one, and his
-descriptions of Bee and all her belongings had been full of a young
-lover’s enthusiasm, not tame and tepid as she had always felt his
-sentiments towards Amy to be. What would it be best to do if I really
-undertake this business, she said to herself. Herself replied that it
-was not a business for her to meddle with, that she would do no good,
-and many other dissuasions of the conventional kind; but, when her
-imagination and feelings were once lit up, Mrs. Leigh was not a woman to
-be smothered in that way. After dinner, without still formally
-undertaking the mission, she talked with Aubrey of the best ways of
-carrying it out. If she did interfere, how should she set about it?
-“Mind, I don’t promise anything, but supposing&mdash;&mdash;” Should she write?
-Should she go? Which thing would it be best to do? If she made up her
-mind to go, should she write beforehand to warn them? What, on the
-whole, would it be most appropriate to do?</p>
-
-<p>The method finally decided upon between them&mdash;“if I go&mdash;but I don’t say
-that I will go&mdash;” was that Mrs. Leigh should first, without warning or
-preparation, endeavour to see Bee, and ascertain whether any new
-representations had been made to her to change her mind; and then,
-according to her success or non-success with Bee, decide whether she
-should ask an interview with her father. Aubrey slept under his mother’s
-roof with greater tranquility and refreshment than he had known for some
-time, and with something of the vague hope of his childhood that she
-could set everything right, do away with punishment or procure pleasure,
-when she took it in hand. It had always been so in the childish days,
-which seemed to come near him in the sight of the old furniture, the
-well-known pictures and ornaments and curiosities which Mrs. Leigh had
-brought with her when she settled in this diminished house. How well he
-remembered them all!&mdash;the old print of the little Samuel on his knees,
-the attitude of which he used half-consciously to copy when he said his
-prayers; the little old-fashioned books in blue and brown morocco on the
-shelves, the china ornaments on the mantel-piece. He smiled at their
-antiquity now-a-days, but he had thought them very grand and imposing
-once upon a time.</p>
-
-<p>In the morning Mrs. Leigh coquetted a little, or else saw the whole
-subject in a colder light. “Don’t you think it is possible that I might
-do more harm than good,” she said; “things might settle of themselves if
-you only give them a little time. Colonel Kingsward would come to his
-senses, and Miss Bee&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Mother,” cried Aubrey, pale with alarm, “on the contrary. Do you forget
-the circumstances? Mrs. Kingsward is dead, there is a large family of
-little children, and Bee is of the race of the Quixotes. Don’t you see
-what will happen? She will get it into her mind, and everybody will
-persuade her, that as the eldest daughter she is wanted at home. It will
-be impressed upon her on all sides, and unless there is a strong
-influence to counteract it, and at once, Bee is lost to me for ever.”</p>
-
-<p>“My dear, don’t be so tragical. These dreadful things don’t happen in
-our days.”</p>
-
-<p>“You may laugh, mother, but it is no laughing matter to me.”</p>
-
-<p>“I don’t laugh,” she said. “I see the strength of your argument; but, my
-dear boy, nothing will be so effectual in showing your Bee the happiness
-that is awaiting her as a little trial of the troubles of a large
-family on her shoulders. I know what it is.”</p>
-
-<p>Aubrey sprang from his seat though it was in the middle of his
-breakfast. “Mother,” he said, “there is one thing that I believe you
-will never know&mdash;and that is, Bee. The burden is exactly what will hold
-her fast beyond any argument&mdash;the sense of duty&mdash;the feeling that she is
-bound to take her mother’s place.”</p>
-
-<p>What was in Mrs. Leigh’s mind was the thought: Ah, that’s all very well
-at first, till she has tried it. But what she said was: “I beg your
-pardon, Aubrey. Of course, that is a much more elevated feeling. Sit
-down, my dear, and take your breakfast. It is not my fault that I don’t
-know Bee.”</p>
-
-<p>Upon which Aubrey had to beg her pardon and sit down, commiserating her
-for that deficiency, which was indeed her misfortune and not her fault.</p>
-
-<p>At the end Mrs. Leigh was wound up to take the strongest step possible.
-She joined her son in London after about a week had elapsed. He chafed
-at the delay, but allowed that to leave Bee in quiet for a few days
-after all the storms that had gone over her head was necessary. Mrs.
-Leigh went down early on a bright October morning to Kingswarden with
-much more excitement than she had expected to feel. She was herself
-inclined to take a lighter view, to laugh at the idea of interrupted
-letters or parental cruelty, and to believe that poor Bee was worn out,
-her nerves all wrong, and possibly her temper affected by the
-irritability which is so apt to accompany unaccustomed grief, and that
-in a little time she would of herself come round. Seeing, however, that
-these suggestions only made Aubrey angry, she had given them up, and was
-in fact more influenced than she cared to show by his emotion and
-anxiety when she thus sallied forth into the unknown to plead her son’s
-cause. They had ascertained that Colonel Kingsward had returned to his
-office, so the coast was clear. Only the two girls and the little
-children were at home. Mrs. Leigh said to herself as she walked to the
-gate that it was a shame to take the little girl, poor little thing,
-thus unprotected, with nobody to stand by her. If it were not that it
-was entirely for her good&mdash;nobody that knew Aubrey would deny that he
-would make the best husband in the world, and surely to have a good
-house of her own, and a good husband, and distinct place in the world
-was better than to grow to maturity a harassed woman at the head of her
-father’s house, acting mother to a troop of children who would not obey
-her, nor even be grateful for her kindness to them. Surely there could
-not be two opinions as to what it would be best for the girl to do. Yet
-she felt a little like a wolf going down into the midst of the lambkins
-when she opened the unguarded gate.</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Leigh was a clever woman, and a woman of the world. She had a great
-deal of natural understanding, and a considerable knowledge of life, but
-she was not unlike in appearance the ordinary British matron, who is not
-much credited with these qualities. That is to say, she was stout&mdash;which
-is a calamity common with the kind. She had white hair, considerably
-frizzed on the top of the forehead, as it is becoming to white hair to
-be, and dark eyes and good complexion. These things were in her favour;
-still, it is impossible to deny that when Bee and Betty saw coming
-towards them, following the footman across the lawn, a stout figure, not
-very tall, nor distinguishable from various ladies in both country and
-town whom they knew, and with the natural impertinence of youth set down
-as bores, they had both a strong revolt in their minds against their
-visitor. “Oh, who is it&mdash;who is it?” they said to each other. “Why did
-James let her in? Why did he let anyone in?”</p>
-
-<p>It was a warm morning, though the season was far advanced, and they were
-seated again on that bench under the tree where they had watched the
-white cloud floating away on the night of their mother’s death. They
-went there instinctively whenever they went out. “Mother’s tree,” they
-began to call it, and sat as she had been used to do, with the children
-playing near, and nurse walking up and down with the baby in her arms.
-They had been talking more that morning than ever before. It was little
-more than a week since Mrs. Kingsward’s funeral, but they were so young
-that their hearts now and then for a moment burst the bondage of their
-sorrow, and escaped the length of a smile or two. It was not much; and,
-to be sure, for the children’s sake it was indispensable that they
-should not be crying and miserable always, as at first they had felt as
-if they must continually be. But it was another thing to receive
-visitors and have perhaps to answer questions about the circumstances of
-their loss.</p>
-
-<p>“Mrs.&mdash;? what did James say?” Neither of them were sure, though a thrill
-ran through Bee’s veins. It was a stranger. Who could it be?</p>
-
-<p>“I have to apologise for coming&mdash;without knowing you&mdash;and at such a
-time,” said Mrs. Leigh, making a little pause till the nurse had got to
-the end of the gravel walk with the baby, and James was out of hearing.
-“It is you who are Bee, is it not?” she said, suddenly taking the girl’s
-hands. “I am the mother of Aubrey Leigh.”</p>
-
-<p>All the colour went out of Bee’s face; she drew away her hands
-hurriedly, and dropped upon her mother’s seat. She felt that she had no
-power to say a word.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, I thought it was Mrs. Leigh he said,” cried Betty, “but I could not
-suppose&mdash;oh, Mrs. Leigh, whatever Bee may say, I am so glad, so glad to
-see you&mdash;perhaps you will be able to make things right.”</p>
-
-<p>“I hope I shall,” said Mrs. Leigh, “and I shall always be obliged to
-you, my dear, for giving me your countenance. But your sister does not
-look as if she meant to let me put things right.”</p>
-
-<p>“I am sorry if I seem rude,” said Bee, gathering herself together,
-“but&mdash;I don’t think that papa would like us to receive visitors.”</p>
-
-<p>“I am not a common visitor,” said Mrs. Leigh. “I hope you will do me the
-credit to think that it is with a very different feeling I come. I am
-very, very sorry for you, so young as you are&mdash;more sorry than I can
-say. And, Bee, if indeed I am to hope to be one day your mother&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>Bee did not speak; but she fixed her blue eyes upon her visitor with a
-sort of entreaty to be left alone, and mournfully shook her head.</p>
-
-<p>“We can’t think just now of that name,” said little Betty, with the
-tears standing in her eyes.</p>
-
-<p>“My dear children, I came to try to comfort you, not to open your
-wounds. Dear,” she said, putting her hand on Bee’s shoulder, “you would
-not see Aubrey, nor let him have a word from you. But he said you had
-heard everything an evil woman could say, and did not give him up for
-that&mdash;and he is heart-broken. He thought perhaps you would tell me if he
-had done anything to displease you&mdash;or if it was only the effect of your
-grief, to which he would be submissive at once. All he wanted was to
-share your trouble, my dear child.”</p>
-
-<p>This was not at all what Mrs. Leigh intended to say. She had meant to
-represent her visit as one of sympathy solely, without at first
-referring to the hard case of Aubrey; but Bee’s looks had confused even
-this experienced woman. The girl’s pale face put on an expression of
-determined decision, or rather of that blank of resistance to entering
-upon the question, which is a kind of defence which it is almost
-impossible to break down.</p>
-
-<p>“I would rather, if you please, not say anything of Mr. Leigh.”</p>
-
-<p>“Dear child! Do not take that tone. If he has done anything that does
-not please you, how is he ever to clear himself if you will not tell him
-what it is.”</p>
-
-<p>“She is like this all the time,” cried Betty; “she will not say what is
-wrong&mdash;and yet she is just as miserable herself as anyone could be.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee gave her sister a look in which Mrs. Leigh, closely watching, saw
-the lightening of the glance, the brilliancy and splendour of the blue
-eyes of which Aubrey had raved. Poor little Betty was illuminated as if
-with a great flame. It was all that she could do to restrain a very
-inappropriate smile. “You know nothing, and how do you dare to say
-anything?” Bee said.</p>
-
-<p>“I am sure that Bee is just,” said the older lady. “She would not
-condemn anyone unheard. Aubrey Leigh is my son, but we have been
-separated for many years, and I think I judge him impartially. He does
-not always please me, and I am sure that at some time or other he has
-much displeased you. Your eyes tell me, though you have not said a
-word. But, my dear, I have never, since he was a child, found him out in
-anything except the one thing you know, in which he was so sorely,
-sorely tried. He has always been kind. He gets into trouble by his
-kindness as other men do by ill-behaviour. I don’t know what you have
-against him, but I feel sure that he will clear himself if you will let
-him speak. Bee&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“I do not want,” cried Bee, “to seem rude. Oh, I don’t want to be rude!
-I am sure, quite sure, that you are kind; but I have nothing to say, oh!
-nothing to say to anyone. I am not able to discuss any subject, or enter
-into things. I have a great deal to think of, for I am the eldest and it
-will not do for me to&mdash;to break down, or to have any more to bear. I am
-very, very sorry&mdash;and you are so kind. But I must go in now&mdash;I must go
-in now.”</p>
-
-<p>“Bee, Bee&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“You can stay, Betty, and talk to the lady. You can stay, but&mdash;oh,
-forgive me&mdash;I cannot&mdash;cannot help it! I must go in now.”</p>
-
-<p>This was the end of Mrs. Leigh’s embassy. She had a long talk with
-Betty, who was but too glad to pour into this kind woman’s bosom all her
-troubles. Betty could not tell what had happened to Bee. She was not the
-Bee of old, and she did not know what it was that had happened about
-Aubrey, or if Bee had heard anything against him. She was as much in the
-dark as Mrs. Leigh herself. But she made it very evident that Bee had a
-grievance, a real or supposed ground of complaint which made her very
-angry, and which she resented bitterly. What was it? But this Betty did
-not know.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXV" id="CHAPTER_XXV"></a>CHAPTER XXV.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Leigh</span> went back to her son with a sense of humiliation which was
-rare in her consciousness. She had been completely unsuccessful, which
-was a thing which had very rarely happened to her. She had expected if
-she got admission at all that anything which so young a girl might have
-on her mind must have burst forth and all have been made clear. She had
-expected at once to overawe and to soothe a young creature who loved
-Aubrey, and who had some untold grievance against Aubrey. But she was
-not prepared for the dual personality, so to speak, of Bee, or the power
-she had of retreating, herself, and leaving her little sister as her
-representative to fulfil all necessary civilities without the power of
-betraying anything that the visitor wanted to know. She went back to
-town very angry with Bee; turned against her; very little disposed to
-sympathise with Aubrey, which she had so freely done before. “My dear
-boy,” she said, “you have made a mistake, that’s all. The elder sister
-has a temper like her father. Everybody will tell you that Colonel
-Kingsward is a sharp-tempered man. But Betty is a little darling. It is
-she that should have been the mistress of Forest-leigh.”</p>
-
-<p>In answer to this, Aubrey simply turned his back upon his mother. He was
-deeply disappointed, but this speech turned his disappointment into a
-kind of rage. She had mismanaged the whole matter. That was as clear as
-daylight, and such a suggestion was an added insult. Betty! a child&mdash;a
-little girl&mdash;a nobody. His Bee seemed to tower over her in his
-imagination, so different, so high above her, another species. It was
-some minutes before he could trust himself to speak.</p>
-
-<p>“Of course, you think me a fool,” said Mrs. Leigh, “and so I am, to
-tell a young man that there is another in the world equal to the object
-of his fancy.”</p>
-
-<p>“Mother,” said Aubrey, in a choked voice, “you mistake the matter
-altogether. That is not what is in question. What I want to know is,
-what has been said against me, what new thing she has heard, or in what
-new light she has been taught to see me. You might as well suggest,” he
-cried, angrily, “that another person might have been better in your
-place&mdash;as in hers.”</p>
-
-<p>“If that is all I don’t mind allowing it,” said Mrs. Leigh, with an
-aggravation peculiar to mothers. “You might have had some one who would
-have been, all round, of more use to you as a mother&mdash;only it’s a little
-late to think of that. However, without any persiflage, here is one
-thing evident, that she has some grievance against you, something new,
-something definite, which she believes you to be conscious of, which she
-is too proud to discuss&mdash;I suppose?” said Mrs. Leigh, looking at him
-with the look of the too-profoundly experienced, never sure how far
-human weakness may go.</p>
-
-<p>“Mother!” Aubrey cried. He was as indignant as she was unassured.</p>
-
-<p>“Well, my dear, don’t be angry. I am not imagining anything. I only ask
-whether you are quite sure that there is nothing which might be twisted
-into a new accusation against you? There might be many incidents, in
-which you were quite blameless, which an enemy might twist&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“You need not be melo-dramatic, mother. I have nothing in the world that
-could be an enemy&mdash;so far as I know.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, as for that, there are people who make up stories out of pure
-devilry. And I had no intention of being melo-dramatic,” said Mrs. Leigh
-with displeasure. She added, after a moment, “Examine&mdash;I don’t say your
-conscience, which probably has nothing to do with it&mdash;but what has
-occurred for the last six months? See if there is anything which admits
-of a wrong interpretation, which could be, as I say, twisted.”</p>
-
-<p>Aubrey paused a moment to attempt to do as she said, but the little
-episode of the railway station, the poor woman and her babies, he did
-not think of. If truth must be told, he thought that incident was one
-of the most creditable things in his life. He felt a little pleased with
-himself when he thought of it. It was one of those things which to
-mention might seem like a brag of his own generosity. He felt that it
-was really one of the few incidents in his life which modesty kept him
-from telling, one of the things in which the right hand should not know
-what the left hand did. Had he thought of it that would have been his
-feeling; but when he was asked suddenly to endeavour to recollect
-something which might be twisted to his disadvantage, naturally this
-good deed&mdash;a deed of charity if ever one was&mdash;did not come into his mind
-at all. He shook his head. “You know whether I am that kind of man,
-mother.”</p>
-
-<p>“Don’t refer it to me, Aubrey&mdash;a young man’s mother probably is the very
-last person to know. I know you, my dear, <i>au fond</i>. I know a great deal
-about you; but I know, too, that you have done many things which I never
-could have supposed you would have done: consult your own recollection.
-Probably it is something so insignificant that you will have difficulty
-in recalling it. One can never calculate what trifle may move a young
-girl’s imagination. A grain of sand is enough to put a watch all wrong.”</p>
-
-<p>Thus it will be seen that Mrs. Leigh’s long experience was after all
-good for something. She divined the character of the dreadful obstacle
-which had come in her son’s way and shattered all his hopes. If he had
-recounted to her that incident which it would have seemed ostentation to
-him to refer to, probably she would have pierced the <i>imbroglio</i> at
-once&mdash;or could she have seen into his life and his memory, she would, no
-doubt, have put her finger at once on that place. But there they stood,
-two human creatures in the closest relation to each other that nature
-can make, anxious to find out between them the key to a puzzle which
-neither of them could divine, but the secret of which lay certainly
-between them, could they but find it&mdash;and could make out nothing. A word
-from the son might have set the keen-witted mother, better acquainted
-than he with the manner in which scandals arise, on the scent. But it
-never occurred to him to say that word. They looked into each other’s
-faces and made out nothing. Strange veil of individuality which is
-between two human creatures, as the sea is between two worlds, and more
-confusing, more impenetrable still than any distance! Aubrey made the
-most conscientious efforts to lay bare his heart, to discover something
-that might be twisted, as she said; but he found nothing. His thoughts
-since he met the Kingswards first had been full of nothing but Bee&mdash;his
-very dreams had been full of her. He wandered vaguely through his own
-recollections, not knowing what to look for&mdash;what was there? There was
-nothing. His mother sat by, and, notwithstanding her anxiety, could
-scarcely refrain from smiling at his puzzled, troubled endeavour to find
-out something against himself. But there was nothing to find out. He
-shook his head at last, with a sort of appeal to her out of his troubled
-eyes. He was distressed not to find what he sought. “I know nothing,” he
-said, shaking his head. “One never does anything very good indeed&mdash;but
-not very bad either. I have just been as I always am&mdash;not much to brag
-of&mdash;but nothing to be ashamed of, between one man and another.”</p>
-
-<p>“The question is between one man and one woman, Aubrey, which is
-different.”</p>
-
-<p>“Then,” he cried, with a short laugh, “I defy discovery. There has been
-nothing in all my thoughts that need have been hidden. You do me
-grievous wrong, mother, if you can think&mdash;even if I had been inclined
-that way.”</p>
-
-<p>“I don’t think. I have the most complete faith in you, Aubrey. I
-say&mdash;anything that could be twisted by a malign interpretation?”</p>
-
-<p>He shook his head again. “And who would take the trouble to make a
-malign interpretation? I assure you, I have no enemy.”</p>
-
-<p>“Colonel Kingsward is enemy enough.”</p>
-
-<p>“Ah! Colonel Kingsward. I have no reason, however, to think that he
-would do a dishonourable action.”</p>
-
-<p>“What do you call intercepting letters, Aubrey?”</p>
-
-<p>“It is very antiquated and out of date, but I don’t know that it need be
-called dishonourable; and he has a high idea of his authority; but to
-make a false representation of another man&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Aubrey, these distinctions are too fine for me. There is only one thing
-that I can do. I will now go and interview Colonel Kingsward. If he
-knows of anything new, he will soon reveal it to me. If he goes only
-over the old ground, then we may be sure that your <i>fiancée</i> has been
-told something in her own ear&mdash;something apart from her father&mdash;which
-she has betrayed to no one. Unless, perhaps, it was got from the
-mother&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Not a word about the mother. She is dead, and she is sacred; and
-besides she was the last, the very last&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“You have yourself said she was very weak, Aubrey.”</p>
-
-<p>“Weak so far as resisting her husband was concerned, but incapable of an
-unkind word; incapable of any treachery or falsehood; a creature, both
-in body and soul, whom you could almost see through.”</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Leigh shook her head a little.</p>
-
-<p>“I know those transparent people,” she said. “They are not always
-so&mdash;&mdash; But never mind; I am going to interview Colonel Kingsward now.”</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward was very courteous to his visitor. He received her
-visit of sympathy with polite gratitude, accepting her excuse that so
-nearly connected as the families had been about to be, she could not be
-in town without coming to express her great regret and feeling for his
-family left motherless. Colonel Kingsward was very <i>digne</i>. He had the
-fullest sense of what was expected in his position, and he did not allow
-any other feeling to come in the way of that. He thanked Mrs. Leigh for
-her sympathy, and exaggerated his sense of her goodness in coming to
-express it. It was more, much more, than he had any right to expect. If
-there was any alleviation to his grief it was in the sense of the great
-kindness of friends&mdash;“and even of strangers,” he said, with a grave bow,
-which seemed to throw Mrs. Leigh indefinitely back into the regions of
-the unknown. This put her on her mettle at once.</p>
-
-<p>“I do not feel like a stranger,” she said. “I have heard so much of your
-family&mdash;every member of it&mdash;through my son, Aubrey. I regret greatly
-that the connection which seemed to be so suitable should hang at all in
-doubt&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“It does not hang in doubt,” said Colonel Kingsward, “I am sorry if you
-have got that impression. It is quite broken off&mdash;once for all.”</p>
-
-<p>“That is a hard thing to say to Aubrey Leigh’s mother,” she said; “such
-a stigma should not be put upon a young man lightly.”</p>
-
-<p>“I am sorry to discuss such matters with a lady. But I don’t know what
-you call lightly, Mrs. Leigh. I do not believe for a moment that you
-would give a daughter of your own&mdash;I do not know whether you have
-daughters of your own&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Two&mdash;happily married, thank heaven, and off my hands.”</p>
-
-<p>“You will understand me so much the better. (Colonel Kingsward knew
-perfectly well all about Mrs. Leigh’s two daughters). I do not believe
-that you would have given one of them to a man&mdash;to whom another lady put
-forth a prior claim.”</p>
-
-<p>“I am not at all sure of that. I should have ascertained first what
-kind of person put forth the claim&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“We need not go into these details,” said Colonel Kingsward, waving his
-hand.</p>
-
-<p>“It is most important to go into these details. I can give you every
-particular about this lady, Colonel Kingsward; and so can a dozen
-people, at least, who have no interest in the matter except to tell the
-truth.”</p>
-
-<p>“The question is closed in my mind, Mrs. Leigh. I have no intention of
-opening it again.”</p>
-
-<p>“And this is the sole ground upon which my son is rejected?” she said,
-fixing her keen eyes upon his face.</p>
-
-<p>“It is the sole ground; it is quite enough, I believe. Supposing even
-that the lady was everything you allege, an intimacy between a woman of
-that character and your son is quite enough to make him unsuitable for
-my daughter.”</p>
-
-<p>“Who is not of your opinion, however,” Mrs. Leigh said.</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward was confused by this speech. He got up and stood
-before the fire. He avoided meeting her eye. “My daughter is very young
-and very inexperienced,” he said. “She is at present more moved by her
-feelings than her reason. I believe that with an increase of maturer
-judgment she will fully adopt my view.”</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward believed that he had altogether crushed his visitor,
-but he was not so right as he thought. Mrs. Leigh went back to her son
-with triumph in her eyes. “He knows nothing more,” she said. “He does
-not know that she has turned against you. Whatever is her reason, it is
-something different from his, and she has not confided it to him. I
-thought as much when you told me of the letters stopped. A man does not
-intercept a girl’s letters when he knows she has come round to his way
-of thinking. Now you have got to find out what she has heard, and to set
-her right about it whatever it may be.”</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXVI" id="CHAPTER_XXVI"></a>CHAPTER XXVI.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">To</span> set oneself to find out without any clue or guidance what it is which
-has affected the thoughts of a girl for or against her lover&mdash;without
-any knowledge of her surroundings, or from what quarter an adverse
-influence, an ill report, could have come&mdash;who could have spoken to her
-on the subject of Aubrey, or what kind of story to his disadvantage (for
-this was what Mrs. Leigh convinced herself must have happened) she had
-heard&mdash;to discover everything and counteract it, was a mission that
-might well have frightened anyone who undertook it. And I don’t doubt
-that Mrs. Leigh, to encourage her son, spoke a great deal more
-confidently than she felt, and that she really intended to give herself
-up to this discovery, and to take no rest until she had made it, and
-cleared up the matter which threatened to separate these two young
-people for ever, and make havoc in both their lives.</p>
-
-<p>Aubrey himself shook his head and declared himself to have little hope;
-but he was not really more hopeless than his mother was the reverse.
-While he shook his head there was a warm sensation of comfort at his
-heart. That she should have undertaken to find it out seemed like half
-the battle. When a man retains any confidence in his mother at all,
-which is by no means always the case, he is apt to be influenced more
-than he is aware by the old prejudice of childhood that she can do
-anything that is wanted. She by no means felt herself to be so powerful
-as he did, though she professed her certainty of success, and he was
-much more held up and supported by her supposed convictions than he
-himself allowed to appear. Thus they separated, Aubrey remaining in
-town, ready to take advantage of any occasion that might present itself,
-while she returned to her home, to make every exertion to discover the
-cause of Bee’s estrangement. Very easy words to say&mdash;but how to do it?
-She had not a notion even what kind of story had been told to Bee. She
-did not know any special point of weakness on the part of Aubrey which
-could have been exaggerated or made to appear worse than it was. There
-was no inclination towards dissipation about him; he did not gamble; he
-was not addicted to bad company. What was there to say about him? The
-episode of Miss Lance&mdash;and that was all. And it was not the episode of
-Miss Lance which had revolted Bee. Had Mrs. Leigh ever heard of Aubrey’s
-adventure at the railway station, it is possible that her mind, excited
-in that direction, would have been keen enough to have divined that the
-mystery was somehow connected with that; for it was certainly Quixotic
-of a young man to put a poor woman and her children into a
-sleeping-carriage&mdash;the most expensive mode of travelling, and wholly
-beyond her condition&mdash;by a mere charitable and kindly impulse. And the
-world, which believes that nothing is given without an equivalent, might
-easily have made a story out of it. But then, Mrs. Leigh was quite
-ignorant on this point, which, as has been said, had never occurred
-again to Aubrey himself, except as one of the few actions in his life
-which he could look back upon with entire satisfaction and even a little
-complacence. And thus the only way of setting things right was
-hermetically closed.</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Leigh went back to her jointure-house. It was near the sea, as has
-been said, and near a lively seaside town, where, in the summer, there
-were many visitors and a great deal going on, strangers appearing and
-disappearing from all parts of the country. But in winter there was
-nothing of the kind; the world closed up without, leaving only the
-residents, the people who were indigenous, the contracted society of
-neighbours who knew all about each other, and were acquainted with the
-same pieces of news, and, excepting by long intervals, heard but little
-of the outside gossip, or the doings of other circles. Mrs. Leigh
-returned to her natural surroundings, which knew no more of Colonel
-Kingsward and his family than people in what is called “a certain
-position” know of each other&mdash;something of his name, something of his
-connections, but nothing of his immediate circumstances. There were
-indeed many questions about Aubrey’s marriage which she had to answer as
-she could. The news of his engagement had been received with many
-congratulations. Everybody felt that poor Aubrey’s first essay at
-matrimony had been a very unfortunate one. The sooner he brings a nice
-wife to Forest-leigh the better, everybody had said. And when Mrs. Leigh
-returned after her brief absence, the many callers whom she received
-daily were full of inquiries about the marriage. It was generally
-supposed that his mother’s hasty expedition had been in some way
-connected with it. She had gone about the refurnishing, about the
-household linen, which perhaps wanted renewing, and which was not in a
-man’s sphere&mdash;about something in the settlements; at all events,
-whatever it was, her object must have been connected with the
-approaching marriage. They came down upon her full of the most eager
-questions. “I suppose the day is fixed? I suppose all the arrangements
-are made? How nice it will be to see the house opened, and a new,
-lively, young married couple to put a little life in
-everything”&mdash;matrons and little maids all concurred in this speech.</p>
-
-<p>“You have not heard then?” said Mrs. Leigh, with a very grave
-countenance&mdash;“everything, alas, is postponed for the moment. Mrs.
-Kingsward, a most charming woman, adored by her family, died last week.”</p>
-
-<p>“I told you it was those Kingswards!” one of the ladies said to another.</p>
-
-<p>“There are no other Kingswards that I know of,” said Mrs. Leigh, who
-always held her head so high. “I went up with Aubrey to pay them a visit
-of sympathy. There is a very large young family. I found them quite
-broken down with grief. Of course we had not the heart, either Aubrey or
-I, to press an arrangement in these dreadful circumstances. I confess I
-am rather down about it altogether. Poor little Bee, my future
-daughter-in-law, is the eldest. I am quite terrified to hear that she
-has taken some tragic resolution, such as girls are so apt to do
-now-a-days, and think it her duty to dedicate herself to her little
-brothers and sisters.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, but surely she would not be permitted to do that&mdash;when everything
-was settled!”</p>
-
-<p>“I hope not. I most sincerely hope not,” said Mrs. Leigh. “Naturally, I
-have not said a word to Aubrey. But girls now-a-days are so full of
-their ideas, their missions, and their duty, and all that!”</p>
-
-<p>“Not when they are engaged to be married,” said a scoffing lady.</p>
-
-<p>“I wish I could be sure of that. Miss Kingsward is only nineteen, just
-the self-sacrificing age. I wish I could be sure&mdash;&mdash;. There was
-something in her eye. But, however, not a word, not a word about this. I
-still hope that as soon as a reasonable time has passed&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“It is such a pity,” said another, “where unnecessary delays are made. I
-am sure no mother would wish her daughter’s marriage to be put
-off&mdash;things are so apt to happen. I think it’s tempting Providence when
-there is unnecessary delay.”</p>
-
-<p>“Colonel Kingsward is a very particular man. He will allow nothing to
-be done that the most punctilious could object to. He will not have
-anything spoken of even. All the arrangements are in abeyance. It is
-most trying. Of course, I am very sorry for the family, and for him, who
-has lost so excellent a wife. But, at the same time, I can’t help
-thinking of my own son kept hanging in suspense, and all his plans
-broken up.”</p>
-
-<p>There was a chorus of regrets from all the visitors, one party after
-another; but from more than one group of ladies as they drove away there
-arose the most gloomy auguries, spoken amid much shaking of heads. “I
-don’t believe it will ever come to a marriage after all,” some said, “if
-Colonel Kingsward is so very particular a man, and if he hears of all
-that took place at Forest-leigh in the first wife’s time.” “Whatever
-took place,” said another, “it was her fault, as everybody knows.” “Ah,
-yes,” said the first speaker, who represented more or less the common
-voice, “I know the first wife was a little fool, and whatever happened,
-brought it all on herself. But there is never any business of that sort
-without blame on both sides.” Thus the world generally judges, having
-half forgotten what the facts of the case were, though most of the
-individuals who constitute the world could have recalled them very
-easily with an effort of memory. Still, the blurred general view is the
-one that prevails after a time, and works out great injustices without
-any evil intention at all.</p>
-
-<p>It was thus that Mrs. Leigh thought it prudent to forestall all remarks
-as to the postponement of her son’s marriage. She succeeded well enough,
-perhaps too well. Mrs. Kingsward’s death accounted for everything.
-Still, the impression got abroad that Aubrey Leigh, that unlucky fellow,
-had somehow broken down again. And as the days went on and silence
-closed around, further and further did Aubrey’s mother find herself from
-making any discovery. Indeed, she did not try, strong as her resolves to
-do so had been. For, indeed, she did not know what to do. How was she to
-clear up such a mystery? Had she known the neighbours about Kingswarden,
-and heard their talk among themselves, she might have been able to form
-some plan of action. But her own neighbours, who did not even know of
-Mrs. Kingsward’s death&mdash;how could she find out anything from them? She
-thought it over a great deal, and when any friend of her son’s drifted
-near her expended a great deal of ingenuity in endeavouring to ascertain
-whether there was anything in Aubrey’s life which could have injured him
-in Bee’s estimation. But Mrs. Leigh was perfectly aware, even while
-cautiously making these inquiries, that whatever his friends might know
-against him, his mother was the last person who was likely to be told.
-As a matter of fact, however, there was nothing to tell, and gradually
-this very fruitless quest died from her mind, and she did not even dream
-of pursuing it any more.</p>
-
-<p>And Aubrey remained in town disconsolately getting through the winter as
-best he could, neglecting all his duties of hospitality, keeping his
-house shut up, and leaving his game to be shot by the
-gamekeepers&mdash;indifferent to everything. He could not bear the place with
-which he had so many painful associations, sharpened now by the loss of
-all the hopes that had fallen so quickly of taking Bee to it, and
-beginning a real life of happiness and usefulness. What he wanted most
-in life was to fulfil all his duties&mdash;in the happiest way in which such
-duties can be fulfilled, after the methods of an English country
-gentleman with sufficient, but not too great position, money, and all
-that accompanies them. He was not an <i>enragé</i> foxhunter, or sportsman,
-but he was quite disposed to follow all the occupations and recreations
-of country life, to maintain a hospitable house, to take his part of
-everything that was going on in the county, and above all, to efface the
-recollection of that first chapter of his life which had not been happy.
-But all these hopes and intentions seemed to have been killed in him by
-the cutting off of his new hopes. He kept up his confidence in his
-mother until he went to her at Christmas to spend with her those days of
-enforced family life which, when they are not more, are so much less
-happy than the ordinary course of life. He went down still full of hope,
-and though Mrs. Leigh received him with professions of unimpaired
-confidence, he was quick to see that she had in reality done
-nothing&mdash;for that best of all reasons, that there was nothing to do.
-“You don’t seem to have made progress, however,” he said, on the first
-night.</p>
-
-<p>“No, perhaps I have not made much progress. I don’t know that I expected
-to make much progress&mdash;at this time of the year. You know in winter one
-only sees one’s neighbours, who know nothing. Later on, when the weather
-improves, when there is more coming and going, when I have more
-opportunities&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>This did not sound very cheerful, but it was still less cheerful when he
-saw how little even his mother’s mind was occupied with his affairs. It
-was not her fault; all the thinking in the world could not make Bee’s
-motives more clear to a woman living at a distance of three or four
-broad counties from Bee. And one of Aubrey’s married sisters was in some
-family difficulty which occupied all her mother’s thoughts. Aubrey did
-not refuse to be interested in his sister. He was willing to give
-anything he could, either of sympathy or help, to the solving of her
-problem; but, conscious of so much in his own fate that was harder than
-could fall to the lot of any comfortable, middle-aged person, it must be
-allowed that he got very tired of hearing of Mary’s troubles. He
-answered rather curtly on one or two occasions, and chilled his mother,
-whose heart was full of Mary, and who was already disposed to blame
-herself in respect to Aubrey, yet to be irritated by any suspicion of
-blame from him. On the last morning of his stay he had begged her, if
-she could abstract her thoughts for a moment from Mary, to think of him.
-“I don’t want to trouble you further, mother. I only want you to tell me
-if you think my whole business so hopeless that I had better give every
-expectation up?”</p>
-
-<p>“Think your business hopeless, Aubrey? Oh, no; I don’t think that.”</p>
-
-<p>“But we know just as much now as we did in October. I do not think we
-have advanced a step&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“If you mean to reproach me with my want of success, Aubrey!”</p>
-
-<p>“No&mdash;I don’t mean to reproach you with anything, mother. But I think it
-seems just as hopeless as ever&mdash;and not a step nearer.”</p>
-
-<p>“Things cannot be done in a moment,” she said, hurriedly. “I never
-expected&mdash;When the summer comes round, when one sees more people, when
-one can really pursue one’s inquiries&mdash;&mdash;.” Mrs. Leigh was very
-conscious that she had pursued few inquiries, and the thought made her
-angry. “Rome,” she added, “was not built in a day.”</p>
-
-<p>Aubrey Leigh said no more&mdash;but he went back to London feeling that he
-was a beaten man, and the battle once more lost.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXVII" id="CHAPTER_XXVII"></a>CHAPTER XXVII.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">There</span> is nothing more curious in life than the way in which it closes
-over those great incidents that shape its course. Like a stone
-disappearing in a pool, the slow circles of commotion widen and melt
-away, the missile sinks into the depths of the water, and tranquility
-comes back to its surface. Every ripple is gone, and yet the stone is
-always there.</p>
-
-<p>This curious calm came into the life of Bee Kingsward after the
-incidents related above. The man with whom she had expected to share
-everything disappeared from her existence as if he had never entered
-into it, and a dead peace fell over her, and all things around her. It
-was at once better for Bee and worse that the mourning for her mother
-swept her away out of all the coming and going of ordinary life for a
-time&mdash;better because she was saved the torment of a perpetual struggle
-with her trouble, and worse because it shut her up to a perpetual
-recollection of that trouble. The Kingsward family remained at
-Kingswarden for the whole of that winter and spring. When the season
-began there was some question of removing to town, which Bee opposed
-strongly. “I have no wish to go out,” she said. “I could not, papa, so
-soon&mdash;&mdash; And we have no one to take us.”</p>
-
-<p>“You will find plenty of people ready to take you,” he said.</p>
-
-<p>And then Bee took refuge in tears. “Nobody&mdash;that we could endure to go
-with&mdash;so soon, so soon!&mdash;not yet a year,” she said. Betty followed her
-sister dubiously. It was natural that she should always echo what Bee
-said, but this time she was not quite so sure as usual. Not to balls?
-Oh, not to balls! was Betty’s secret comment, but&mdash;Betty felt that to
-speak occasionally to some one who was not of her own family&mdash;not the
-Rector or the Rector’s wife, the Curate or the Doctor&mdash;would be an
-advantage; but she did not utter that sentiment. After all, what was one
-season to the measureless horizon of eighteen? Bee renounced her season
-eagerly, and uttered exclamations of content when Colonel Kingsward
-announced that, in those circumstances, he had let their house in town.
-But I am not sure that she was so completely satisfied as she professed
-to be. She had dismissed Aubrey “for ever”&mdash;and yet, when the deed was
-done, a longing seized her sometimes to hear his name, that someone
-should speak of him in her presence, that she should hear accidentally
-where he was, and what he was doing. She had imagined little scenes to
-herself in which she had heard strangers saying to each other that
-Aubrey Leigh had soon got over his disappointment, that he was going to
-be married to So-and-So; or that he was going to make the tour of the
-world, or to shoot big game in Africa; or, anything in short, so long as
-it was about him. Even when she had been so determined against going
-out, there had been a hope in her mind that somehow, she did not know
-how, some news of him and what he was doing might be wafted her way
-accidentally. She did not want, she said to herself passionately, ever
-to hear his name again! Yet she had calculated on hearing as much as
-that, hearing quite accidentally, at the Royal Academy, perhaps, or
-somewhere where she might happen to be calling, that he was going to the
-ends of the earth, or that he was going to be married&mdash;things which the
-speakers might suppose were not of the slightest interest to her. She
-said all the same that she was delighted when Colonel Kingsward informed
-them that he had let the house in town&mdash;very glad! before it had time to
-get shabby, the poor old house; yet, when she retired to her room for
-the night, Bee cried, shedding many salt tears.</p>
-
-<p>But nothing of this was apparent in her life. The circles had all melted
-away from the still bosom of the pool. The household resumed its former
-regularity, quickened a little, perhaps, by the energetic sweeping of
-the new broom. Mrs. Kingsward had been an easy mistress about many
-trifles, which Bee, new to authority, and more enterprising than her
-mother, exacted a rigid account of. At the beginning she set all the
-servants by the ears, each of them being anxious to show that their own
-conscientiousness was perfect, and their desire to consider their
-master’s interests; but, by degrees, matters settled down with an
-increased strictness of order. “As mamma would have wished it,” Bee
-said; and she herself changed in a way that would be almost miraculous
-were it not a transformation commonly visible from time to time, from a
-light-hearted girl, full of little amusing misdemeanours and mistakes,
-into that sweet serious figure of the eldest daughter, the
-mother-sister, so often visible in England when the mistress of the
-household has been removed in early life. There is no more beautiful or
-more tender vision; it is fine at all ages, but in the first bloom of
-youth it has a pathetic grace which goes to the heart. Bee underwent
-this change quite suddenly, after a period of trouble and agitation and
-over activity. It might not perhaps have come but for the letting for
-the season of the town house, which seemed to make so complete a
-severance between her and the ordinary current of life.</p>
-
-<p>It was perhaps this that opened what might almost be called a new
-relationship between Bee and her brother Charlie, who was the nearest to
-her in the family, though there had not been hitherto an unusual
-sympathy between them. For one thing, Betty feeling herself a little
-forlorn in the country with all the echoes of London, which occasionally
-came to her ears, had been permitted to accept an invitation to Portman
-Square to visit a quiet elderly family, not likely to lead her into any
-dissipation out of keeping with her black frock, and Bee was virtually
-alone with the children, to whom she gave herself up with a devotion
-which was the very quintessence of motherhood. Colonel Kingsward also
-was in town&mdash;a man cannot shut himself up (this was what he said)
-whatever his private griefs may be. He must keep a calm face before the
-world, he must not allow himself to be hustled out of the way. For this
-reason, he remained in London, living in chambers, to which he had an
-official right, in the dingy official grandeur of Pall Mall, and coming
-to Kingswarden only now and then from Saturday to Monday. This sundered
-Bee still more completely from the world. And when Charlie came back
-from Oxford she was more eager to meet him, more pleased with his
-company than ever before. This was not perhaps entirely the young man’s
-mind. That he should choose to shut himself up in the country in June
-was perhaps scarcely to be expected. According to the curious rule which
-prevails in England he “did not mind” the country in January. But in
-June! However, it was soon apparent that there were other things than
-the season in Charlie’s mind. He began a series of lamentations to Bee
-upon the situation of the family and things in general, by the usual
-complaint of a young man in the country of having “nothing to do.”</p>
-
-<p>“A man cannot sit at home and dot up the accounts like you,” he said,
-“though I don’t say but that it’s hard upon you, too. Still, women like
-to tie up children’s sashes and that sort of thing, and calculate how
-much their boots cost in a year. I say, mother can’t have had half such
-an easy life as we all thought.”</p>
-
-<p>“I never thought she had an easy life,” said Bee, which was perhaps not
-exactly true, but the things that Bee had thought a year ago were so
-unlike the things she thought now that she did not believe life had ever
-appeared to her in a different light.</p>
-
-<p>“Well,” said Charlie, “she had a way of making it appear so. Do you
-remember that last time at the Baths? What a little thing you seemed
-then, Bee, and now here I am talking to you quite seriously, as if you
-were mother. Look here, I want you to speak to the governor for me. I am
-doing no good here. In fact, there’s nothing to do&mdash;unless I am to drop
-into drinking and that sort of thing in the village.”</p>
-
-<p>“Charlie!”</p>
-
-<p>“Well,” he said, “I can’t sit and sew strings on pinafores like you. A
-man must do something at my age.”</p>
-
-<p>“And what should you do at Oxford? And why do you want to go there when
-everybody is away?”</p>
-
-<p>“Everybody away! That is all you know. The dons are away, if that is
-what you mean. There are no lectures going on. But lectures are a mere
-loss of time. There are lots of fellows up there reading. If you want to
-read hard, now is the best time.”</p>
-
-<p>“How curious,” said Bee, in genuine surprise, “when all the people who
-teach are away! And I never knew that you wanted to read hard.”</p>
-
-<p>“No. I never was made to think that I ought to,” said Charlie, with
-rising colour. “In this house nobody thinks of anything more than just
-getting through.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee was a little angry as well as surprised by this censure upon the
-family. She said, “The rest of us may not be clever&mdash;but everybody says
-there are few men that know as much as papa.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, in his special subjects, I suppose, but I am not going in for the
-army, Bee,” said Charlie, the colour rising higher on his young face,
-which was still an ingenuous face, though not of a very high order. “It
-is such a wonderful thing to have your duty set before you, and how you
-ought to make the best of your life. I, for one, never thought of it
-before. I was always quite satisfied to get through and to have plenty
-of time to amuse myself; but if you come to think of it that’s a very
-poor sort of ideal for a life.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee looked up at Charlie with more and more surprise. He was pulling his
-young moustache nervously, and there was a great deal of emotion in his
-face. It seemed amazing to his sister that Charlie&mdash;Charlie who had
-always been on the unemotional side, should take this heroic tone, or do
-anything but laugh at the suggestion of an ideal in life. She gazed at
-him in some bewilderment. “What are you going to read?” she asked, with
-doubt and wonder in her voice.</p>
-
-<p>“It is just like a girl to ask a man what he is going to read! Why,
-everything. I just pushed through my mods., you know&mdash;a pass&mdash;which it
-covers me with shame to think of now. I must do something better than
-that. I don’t know that I’m very good at anything, but work, after all,
-steady work, is the great thing; and if work can do it&mdash;&mdash;!” cried
-Charley, breaking off, a little breathless, with a strange light in his
-eyes.</p>
-
-<p>“You almost frighten me, Charlie. You were never meant for honours or a
-high degree, were you? Papa said you need not go in for honours, it
-would lose time; and you thought so, too.”</p>
-
-<p>“I have changed my mind,” said Charlie, nervously. “I thought, like
-other asses, that in diplomacy you don’t want much; but now I think
-differently. How are you to understand how to conduct national affairs
-and all that, and reconcile conflicting claims, and so forth, and settle
-the real business of the world&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“But Charlie, I thought it was languages, and great politeness, and&mdash;and
-even dancing, and that sort of thing, that was wanted in an attaché&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Attachés,” said the young man, with a gravity which, serious as she
-also was, almost made Bee laugh, “are the material out of which
-ambassadors are made. Of course, it takes time&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>Here Bee burst, without meaning it, into a nervous laugh.</p>
-
-<p>“You are so dreadfully serious about it,” she cried.</p>
-
-<p>“And what should a man be serious about, if not that?” the young man
-replied.</p>
-
-<p>Here for the moment, in great impatience on his part, and in the call
-of some little household necessity on hers, the conversation closed; but
-it was resumed as soon as the brother and sister were together again.
-The big boys were still at school, the little ones engaged with their
-lessons, and baby walking up and down in his nurse’s arms, did not
-interrupt the talk which went on between the elders of the family. And
-there is nothing with which it is so easy to indoctrinate a girl than
-enthusiasm about an ideal, whatever that may be, or sympathy in a lofty
-view of duty such as this, which had dawned, it seemed, upon her
-brother. Bee took fire, as was so natural. She said to herself, that in
-the utter downfall of her own life, it would be a fine thing to be able
-to further his, and kept to the idea of Charlie as ambassador, settling
-all sorts of difficulties and deciding the fortunes of the world for war
-or for peace, as easily as if the question had been one of leading a
-cotillion. How splendid it would be! She thought of herself as an old
-lady, white-haired, in a cap and shawl&mdash;for, in an imagination of
-twenty, there are few gradations between youth and that pathetic, yet
-satisfactory ultimate period&mdash;seated in a particular corner of a
-magnificent room at the Embassy, looking on at her brother’s triumph.
-These sort of reflected successes were the only ones she thought that
-would ever come to Bee.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXVIII" id="CHAPTER_XXVIII"></a>CHAPTER XXVIII.</h2>
-
-<p>“<span class="smcap">Charlie</span> wishes to go up to Oxford to read. Why does he wish to go up to
-Oxford to read? And what reading is it necessary to do there?”</p>
-
-<p>“He says, papa, that it is easier to get on when you have all your books
-about you&mdash;and when you can arrange all your way of living for that,
-instead of the interruptions at home.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, there are too many interruptions at home? I should have thought you
-were quiet enough here. I hope you have not thrown yourself into lawn
-tennis parties, and tea parties, and that sort of thing&mdash;so soon, Bee.”</p>
-
-<p>Her father looked at her with a seriously reproachful air. He had begun
-to dine out pretty freely, though only in serious houses, and where, he
-explained, it would be prejudicial to him in his profession not to
-appear.</p>
-
-<p>The undeserved reproach brought quick tears to Bee’s eyes. “I have
-thrown myself into no parties,” she said, hastily. “Nobody has been
-here. What Charlie means is the meal times, and hours for everything,
-and all the children about. I have often heard you say that you couldn’t
-work when the children were playing about.”</p>
-
-<p>“My work and Charlie’s are rather different,” Colonel Kingsward said,
-with a smile.</p>
-
-<p>“Well, papa! but to read for a good degree, so that you may distinguish
-yourself, must want a great deal of application&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, he wants a good degree, does he? He should have thought of it a
-little earlier. And what use will that be to him in the Foreign Office?
-Let him learn French and German&mdash;that’s what he has got to do.”</p>
-
-<p>“But even for French and German,” said Bee. “German is dreadfully
-difficult, and Charlie does not pick up a language easily; and,
-besides,” she added, “he has nobody to teach him at home&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“And who would he have at Oxford? Why, in the Long, even the shopkeepers
-go away!”</p>
-
-<p>“But that is just the time for good, hard reading,” said Bee, acting on
-her instructions, “when there are no lectures or anything formal to
-interrupt you.”</p>
-
-<p>“He means, I suppose, when he can do whatever he likes, and there are no
-proctors nor gate bills to keep him right.”</p>
-
-<p>“Papa,” said Bee, earnestly, “I don’t think that is at all what Charlie
-means. I am sure that he has a real desire to get on. He says that he
-feels he has been wasting his time, and&mdash;and not&mdash;not responding
-properly to all you have done for him. He wants to make himself fit for
-anything that may happen. If you will think, papa,” she added, with the
-deepest gravity, “what a great deal of study and reading an ambassador
-must require&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“An ambassador!” Colonel Kingsward was not given to laughter, but he
-laughed now. “He may think himself fortunate if he is anything but an
-unpaid attaché for the next ten years&mdash;which is an office which does not
-require a great deal of study.”</p>
-
-<p>“But, papa&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Nonsense, Bee. He wants, I suppose, complete freedom, and to amuse
-himself as he pleases, with no control. I know what it means to stay up
-at Oxford to read during the Long. Oh, yes. I don’t doubt men who know
-how to grind, grind, but Charlie is not one of them. Let him stay at
-home. You are a great deal sharper than he is at languages; you can help
-him with his German as well as anyone.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh,” cried Bee, from the bottom of her heart, “not with German, not
-with German, papa!”</p>
-
-<p>And there came over her a sudden vision of the gardens at the Baths, the
-murmur of talk in the air, the German officers with their spurs, and one
-Englishman coming forward among them, an Englishman without spurs,
-without uniform, so much more distinguished, it had been Bee’s pride to
-think, in his simplicity, than all these bedizened warriors&mdash;and now! A
-gush of hot tears came to her eyes. There was reason enough for them
-without Aubrey Leigh, and Colonel Kingsward, whose heart was still
-tender to every recollection of his wife, did not think of the other
-memory that thrilled poor Bee’s heart. He walked up and down through the
-room for a moment saying nothing, and then he paused by her side and put
-his hand with an unusual caress upon his daughter’s bowed head.</p>
-
-<p>“You are right, you are right,” he said. “I could not ask that of you,
-Bee.”</p>
-
-<p>Oh! if I had but known! Bee felt not only miserable, but guilty, when
-her father’s touch came upon her hair. To think how little the dear
-mother’s presence told in that picture, and how much, how much! that of
-the man&mdash;who had been vulgarly untrue to her, a man without sense of
-purity or honour! One whose name she never desired to hear again. She
-could hardly accept the imputation of so much higher and nobler feeling
-which her father’s touch conveyed. The dear mother! who never condemned,
-who was always kind. She was moved to cry out in self-abasement, “It
-was not mamma I was thinking of, it was him! him!” But she did not do
-this. She raised her head and took up her work again with a trembling
-hand.</p>
-
-<p>“I suppose,” said Colonel Kingsward, as anxious as his daughter was to
-get away from a subject which was too moving for discussion, “that
-Charlie finds Kingswarden dull. It is not unnatural at his age, and I
-shall not object if he wishes to come to town for a week or so. His own
-good feeling, I hope, would keep him from anything unbecoming in the
-circumstances. But I must hear no more of this going to Oxford. It is
-quite out of the question. If he had shown any desire to go in for
-honours at the right time&mdash;&mdash;. But now it is worse than folly. He must
-get through as quickly as he can, and take advantage of his nomination
-at once. Who can tell how soon it may be of no value? The Foreign Office
-may be thrown open, like all the rest, to every costermonger in the
-country, in a year or two, for anything one knows.”</p>
-
-<p>Charlie received this conclusion with disappointment, rapidly turning
-into rage and rebellion. “I should have thought the most old-fashioned
-old fogey in the world would have known better,” he cried. “What,
-prevent a man from reading when he is at the University! Did you ever
-hear of such a thing, Bee? Why, even a military man, though they are the
-most obstinate in the world, must know that to be really educated is
-everything in these days. A week in town! What do I care for a week in
-town? It is exactly like the man in the Bible who, being asked for
-bread, gave a stone.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee was greatly impressed by her brother’s anxiety to continue his
-studies. It filled her with a respect and admiration which up to this
-time she had never entertained for Charlie, and occupied her mind much
-with the question how, if her father were obdurate, he might be aided at
-home in those studies. She remembered suddenly that Mr. Burton’s curate
-had been spoken of as a great scholar when he came first to the parish.
-He had taken tremendous honours she had heard. And why might not he be
-secured as an aid to Charlie in his most laudable ambition? She thought
-this over a great deal as she moved about her household duties. Bee as a
-housekeeper was much more anxious than her mother had been for many
-years. She thought that everything that was done required her personal
-attention. She had prolonged interviews every morning with the cook, who
-had been more or less the housekeeper for a long time, and who (with a
-secret sense of humour) perplexed Bee with technicalities which she
-would not allow that she did not understand. The girl ordered everything
-minutely for dinner and lunch and breakfast, and decided what was to be
-for the nursery as if she knew all about it, and reproved cook gravely
-when she found that certain alterations had been made in the menu when
-those meals were served. “I assure you as that is what you ordered,
-miss,” cook said, with a twinkle in her eye. All this Bee did, not only
-because of her strong determination to do her duty, but also because
-preoccupation with all these details was her great salvation from
-thoughts which, do what she would, claimed her attention more than
-nursery puddings and the entrées that pleased papa. But while she
-pursued these labours there was still time for other thoughts, and she
-occupied herself very much with this question about Charlie. Why could
-not Mr. Delaine come to read with him? Mr. Delaine had shown an
-inclination to flirt with Betty, but Betty was now absent, so that no
-harm could be done in that direction. She thought it all out during the
-somewhat gloomy days which Colonel Kingsward spent with his family in
-the country. It rained all the Sunday, which is a doleful addition to
-the usual heaviness of a day in which all usual occupations are put
-away. Colonel Kingsward himself wrote letters, and was very fully
-occupied on Sunday afternoon, after the Church parade on Sunday morning,
-which was as vigorously maintained as if the lessening rows of little
-ones all marshalled for morning service had been a regiment&mdash;but he did
-not like to see Bee doing anything but “reading a book” on Sunday. And
-it had always been a rule in that well-ordered house that the toys
-should be put away on Saturday evening, so that the day hung rather
-heavily, especially when it rained, on the young ones’ heads. Colonel
-Kingsward did not mean to be a gloomy visitor. He was always kind to his
-children, and willing to be interested in what they did and said; but,
-as a matter of fact, those three days were the longest and the most
-severe of any that passed over the widowed and motherless house. When
-Bee came downstairs from the Sunday lesson, which she gave in the
-nursery, she found her brother at the writing-table in the drawing-room,
-composing what seemed a very long letter. His pen was hurrying over the
-page; he was at the fourth side of a sheet of large paper&mdash;and opened
-out on the table before him were several sheets of a very long,
-closely-written letter, to which he was evidently replying. When Bee
-appeared, Charlie snatched up this letter, and hastily folding it,
-thrust it into its envelope, which he placed in his breast pocket. He
-put the blotting paper hastily over the letter which he was himself
-writing, and the colour mounted to his very forehead as he turned half
-round. It was not any colour of guilt, but a glow of mingled enthusiasm
-and shamefacedness, beautiful upon the face of a youth. Bee was too
-young herself to admire and appreciate this flush of early feeling, but
-she was so far sympathetic in her own experience, that she divined
-something at least of what it meant.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Charlie!” she said, “you are writing to someone&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Most assuredly, I am writing to someone,” he said, with the half pride,
-half shame of a young lover.</p>
-
-<p>“Who is she?” cried Bee. “Oh, Charlie, tell me! Oh, tell me! Do I know
-who it is?”</p>
-
-<p>“I don’t know,” he said, “what you are making such a fuss about. I am
-writing to&mdash;a friend.” He paused a moment, and then said with
-fervour&mdash;“the best friend that ever man had.”</p>
-
-<p>“A friend,” cried Bee, a little disappointed. “But isn’t it a lady?” she
-asked.</p>
-
-<p>“I hope,” he said, with a haughty air, “that you are not one of those
-limited people that think there can be no friendship between a man and a
-woman, for if that’s so I’ve got nothing to say.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee was scarcely philosophical enough to take up this challenge. She
-looked at him, bewildered, for a moment, and then said, “Oh, tell me
-about her, Charlie! It would do me good&mdash;it would, indeed, to hear about
-somebody whom there could not be any objection to, who would be,
-perhaps, happier than me,” cried poor little Bee, the tears coming to
-her eyes.</p>
-
-<p>“Happier than you? And why shouldn’t you be happy?” said the elder
-brother. He made an effort to turn away in dignified silence, but the
-effort was too much for the young man, longing to talk of the new thing
-in his life. “There is no comparison at all between a little thing like
-you and&mdash;and the lady I was writing to,” he said, holding his head high.
-“If you think it is any sort of nonsense you are very much mistaken.
-Why, she&mdash;she is as much above me as heaven is from earth. That she
-should take the trouble to show any interest in me at all, just proves
-what an angel she is. I, an idle, ordinary sort of fellow, and she!&mdash;the
-sort of woman that one dreams of. Bee, you can’t think what she has done
-for me already,” Charlie cried, forgetting his first defiance. “I’m
-another fellow ever since she began to take notice of me.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee stole to her brother’s side and gave him a sympathetic stroke upon
-his shoulder. “Oh! Charlie! what is her name?”</p>
-
-<p>“You wouldn’t know her name if I were to tell you,” he said. And then,
-after a moment’s hesitation: “Her name,” he went on, “her real name as I
-call it, is Laura, like Petrarch’s Laura, don’t you know, Bee? But I
-don’t suppose you do know.”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, indeed, I do,” said Bee, eagerly. She added in her turn, “I
-shouldn’t have thought you would know anything like that.”</p>
-
-<p>“No; I’m not up to it,” said Charlie, with unexpected humility; “but I
-read it all up as soon as she said it. Don’t you think it’s a beautiful
-name?”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes,” said Bee, yet not with enthusiasm. “But, oh!” she added, “I hope
-she is not married, Charlie; for that would not be nice at all.”</p>
-
-<p>“Married!” cried Charlie. “I wish you were not such a horrid
-little&mdash;Philistine. But she is not married, if that is any satisfaction
-to you.”</p>
-
-<p>“And is she&mdash;beautiful, Charlie? and are you very, very fond of her? Oh,
-Charlie!” Bee clasped his arm in both her hands and sobbed. It made her
-feel wretched, yet filled her with a delicious tender sense of
-fellow-feeling. If he would only tell her all! It would be hard upon
-her, and yet it would be a sort of heavenly pang to hear another, and,
-oh! surely, this time, a happy love tale. Bee sat down close by him, and
-clasped his arm, and sometimes leaned her head upon it in the warmth of
-her tenderness and sympathy. And Charlie was persuaded, by degrees, to
-speak. But his tale was not like Bee’s. It was a tale of a lady who had
-stooped as from her throne to the young fellow of no account&mdash;the
-ordinary young man, who could not understand how she had come to think
-of him at all. It was she who had inspired him with his new ambition,
-who had made him so anxious to distinguish himself, to make something of
-his life. She had taken the trouble to write to him, to keep him up to
-it since he had come “down.” She had promised to let him come to see her
-when he came “up” again, to inspire him and encourage him. “One look at
-her is better than a dozen coaches,” Charlie cried, in the fervour of
-his heart.</p>
-
-<p>“Do you mean that you are going to see her&mdash;in town?” asked Bee,
-doubtfully.</p>
-
-<p>“In town? No. She detests town. It’s all so vain and so hollow, and such
-a rush. She came to live in Oxford at the beginning of last term,”
-Charlie said.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh,” said Bee, and she found no more to say. She did not herself
-understand how it was that a little chill came upon her great sympathy
-with Charlie and this unknown lady of his&mdash;friendship, if not love.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXIX" id="CHAPTER_XXIX"></a>CHAPTER XXIX.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">Colonel Kingsward</span>, however, could not be moved either by Bee’s
-representations or by anything said by his son to grant to Charlie the
-permission, and the funds necessary, to pursue his studies in Oxford by
-going “up” to read “in the Long.” It was indeed very little that Charlie
-said to his father on the subject. He responded somewhat sullenly to the
-Colonel’s questions.</p>
-
-<p>“So I hear you want to go back to Oxford to read?”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes,” said the young man.</p>
-
-<p>“You have generally found before this that by the end of the term you
-had had too much reading.”</p>
-
-<p>No reply.</p>
-
-<p>“I suppose you want to be free of supervision and do exactly what you
-please. And you find it dull at home?”</p>
-
-<p>“I have never said so,” said Charlie.</p>
-
-<p>“You ought to feel that in the circumstances it was appropriate that it
-should be dull. Good heavens! Were you contemplating amusing yourself,
-rioting with your comrades, when your poor mother&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“I have never thought of rioting with comrades,” said Charlie, with
-averted head.</p>
-
-<p>“One knows what that means&mdash;going up to read in the Long: boats and
-billiards and hotels, bands of young men in flannels lounging about, and
-every decorum thrown to the winds.”</p>
-
-<p>The Colonel looked severely at his son, who stood before him turning
-over the pages of a book in his hand, with lowering brows and closed
-mouth.</p>
-
-<p>“You think I don’t know,” he said, sharply; “but you are mistaken. What
-would have been best for you would have been the discipline of a
-regiment. I always thought so, but at least I’m not going to permit
-every decent bond to be broken through.”</p>
-
-<p>“I think, sir,” said Charlie, “that it’s enough to say ‘No,’ without
-accusing me of things I never thought of.”</p>
-
-<p>“I am the best judge of what is enough,” said the angry father. “If you
-want a week or so in town, I don’t object; but Oxford in the Long&mdash;No. I
-only hope,” he added severely, “that there’s no woman in the case.”</p>
-
-<p>Charlie’s countenance flushed crimson. He gave his father a furious
-glance. “If that’s all,” he said, “I may now go, perhaps?”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, go,” said the Colonel, angrily. He was himself sorry for that last
-insinuation as soon as his son had left the room. His angry
-suspiciousness had carried him too far. Not that he blamed himself for
-the suspicion, but he was aware that to speak of it was a false step and
-could do no good. If there was a woman in the case, that flying dart
-would not move the young man to penitence or turn him from any dangerous
-way. Colonel Kingsward, however, quickly forgave himself for this
-inadvertence, and reflected with satisfaction that, at least, he had
-prevented the young fool from making an ass of himself for this summer.
-And in such cases absence is the best remedy and hinders much mischief.
-Charlie rejected with indignation the week in town which his father
-offered. “A week in town!” he said to Bee, contemptuously, “to waste my
-time and debase all my ideas! What does he think I want with a week in
-town? That’s the way a fellow’s father encourages him to do the best he
-can. Cuts off all inspiration, and throws one on the dregs of life! It’s
-enough to make a man kick over the traces altogether.”</p>
-
-<p>“But, Charlie,” said Bee, with timidity, “don’t you think it’s very,
-very quiet here. We have nothing to disturb us. If you were to try to do
-your work at home?&mdash;you would have the library to sit in all the week
-while papa is in town.”</p>
-
-<p>“Out of reach of books, out of reach of any coach&mdash;it’s like telling a
-mason to build a wall without any stone.”</p>
-
-<p>“The library is full of books,” said Bee, with a little indignation.</p>
-
-<p>“What kind of books? Military books, and travels, and things for
-reference&mdash;old peerages, and so forth&mdash;and some of the heavy old
-reviews, and a few novels. Much good a man who is going in for real
-reading would get out of those!”</p>
-
-<p>“But you have your own books&mdash;all those that you carry about with you,
-Charlie.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh!” he said, with impatience, “What are they? Horrible cribs and
-things, that I promised not to use any more.”</p>
-
-<p>“Does Laura,” said Bee, with a little awe, “say you are not to use
-cribs?”</p>
-
-<p>“And as for the quiet,” said Charlie, continuing his strain of
-complaint, “if you call that quiet! When you never know that next moment
-there may not be a rush down the nursery stairs like wild horses let
-loose, and shrieks all over the house for Bee or for nurse, sending
-every idea out of a man’s head; or else baby screaming fit to bring down
-the house. You know nothing about it, to be sure; it is like talking to
-the wind to talk to a little thing like you. A man can’t work unless
-he’s in the right place for working. If any difficulty arises in a
-passage, for instance, what do you think I am to do here?”</p>
-
-<p>“Do you go to&mdash;&mdash; Laura, when there is a difficulty about a passage,
-Charlie?”</p>
-
-<p>“No, you little fool!” With a flush of anger and shame he begged her
-pardon next minute. “But it is so hard to explain things to you, Bee.
-You are so ignorant&mdash;naturally, for, of course, you never were taught
-anything. Don’t you know that Oxford is full of coaches?” he said.</p>
-
-<p>“That was just what I was thinking of, Charlie&mdash;if you will not be
-angry, but let me speak.”</p>
-
-<p>“Speak away,” he said. This was on Monday, after Colonel Kingsward had
-left. The days which he spent at Kingswarden were the heaviest, as has
-been said, to the young party; nevertheless when he went away the blank
-of that long world of a week, without any communication to speak of from
-without, closed down alarmingly upon the elders of the family. Even when
-papa was cross, when he was dissatisfied with his dinner or found fault
-with the noise of the children, it was more or less an event. But when
-he departed there was a sense of being cut off from all events,
-separated from the world altogether, shut out from the news and the hum
-of society, which was very blank and deadening. Bee and Charlie dined
-alone, and it was dreary; they spent the evening together, or else&mdash;one
-in the library, one in the garden, where the beauty of the summer
-evening was terrible to the one poor little girl with her recollections,
-incapable of shutting them out in that utter stillness, and trying very
-ineffectually not to be unhappy. When Charlie threw open the window of
-the library and strolled forth to join her, as he generally did, it was
-a little better. Bee had just done very conscientiously all her duties
-in the nursery&mdash;had heard the children say their prayers, in which they
-still, with a little pause of awe, prayed God to bless dear mother&mdash;and
-had made all the valorous little efforts she could to keep down the
-climbing sorrow. When she heard the sound of the library window she
-quickly dried her eyes and contrived to smile. And she was a very good
-listener. She suffered Charlie to talk about himself as much as he
-pleased, and was interested in all he said. She made those little
-allusions to Laura which pleased him, though he generally answered with
-a scornful word, as who should say that “a little thing like you” was
-incapable of comprehending that lady. But this was the sole diversion of
-these young people in the evening. People called in the afternoon, and
-there was occasionally a game of tennis. But in the evening they were
-almost invariably alone.</p>
-
-<p>They were strolling about the garden on this occasion when the young man
-bewailed himself. Bee, though she made those allusions to Laura, had
-never got over that little chill in respect to her which had arisen in
-the most capricious, causeless way when she knew that Laura lived in
-Oxford. Nothing could be more unreasonable, but yet it was so. It
-suggested something fictitious in her brother’s eagerness to get back,
-and in his supposed devotion to his work. Had his Egeria been anywhere
-else Bee would not have felt this; but she did feel it, though she could
-not tell why. She was very anxious to please him, to content him, if
-possible, with his present life, to make her sympathy sweet to him,
-seeing that he had nobody but herself to console him, and must be
-separated from Laura until October. Poor Charlie! It was hard indeed
-that this should be the case, that he should have so dull a home and no
-companion but his sister. But it could not be helped; his sister, at
-least, must do what she could.</p>
-
-<p>“You must not be angry,” said Bee, very humbly. “It is only an idea that
-has come into my head&mdash;there may be nothing at all in it&mdash;but don’t
-please shut me up as you do sometimes&mdash;hear me out. Charlie! there is
-Mr. Delaine.”</p>
-
-<p>“Mister&mdash;what?” said Charlie, which indeed did not show a very
-complaisant frame of mind&mdash;but a curate in the country is of less
-importance in the horizon of the son of a house who is at Oxford than he
-is in that of the daughter at home.</p>
-
-<p>“Mr. Delaine,” repeated Bee. “You don’t remember him, perhaps, at all.
-He is the curate. When he came first he was said to be a great scholar.
-He took a first class. You need not say, pooh! Everybody said so, and it
-is quite true.”</p>
-
-<p>“A first in theology, I suppose,” said Charlie, disdainfully.</p>
-
-<p>“No, not that&mdash;that’s not what people call a first. Mr. Burton, I have
-always heard, is a good scholar himself, and he said a first; of course
-you know better than I do what that means.”</p>
-
-<p>“Well,” said Charlie, “and supposing for the sake of argument that he
-took a first&mdash;what then?”</p>
-
-<p>“Why, Charlie dear! He is an Oxford man too; he must know all the things
-you want to know&mdash;difficult passages and all that. Don’t you think,
-perhaps&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, a coach!” cried Charlie. Then he paused, and with withering satire,
-added “No doubt, for little boys&mdash;your curate might do very well, Bee.”</p>
-
-<p>“He is not my curate,” said Bee, with indignation; “but I have always
-heard he was a great scholar. I thought that was what you wanted.”</p>
-
-<p>“It is not to be expected,” said her brother, loftily, “that you should
-know what I want. It is not a coach that is everything. If that were
-all, there need be no such things as universities. What a man needs is
-the whole machinery, the ways of thinking, the arrangements, the very
-atmosphere.”</p>
-
-<p>He strolled along the walk with his hands in his pockets and his
-shoulders up to his ears.</p>
-
-<p>“I do not think it is possible,” he added, turning to her with a
-softened tone, “that I could make you understand; for it is so different
-from anything you have ever known.”</p>
-
-<p>“I hope I am not so dreadfully stupid!” said Bee, incensed. “If Laura
-understands, why should it be so impossible for me?”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, for goodness’ sake talk of things you can know something about; as
-if there was any comparison between her and you.”</p>
-
-<p>“I think you are very uncivil,” said Bee, ready to weep. “I may not be
-clever, but yet I am your sister, and it is only because I wanted to
-help you that I took the trouble to speak at all.”</p>
-
-<p>“You are very well meaning, Bee, I am sure,” said Charlie, with
-condescension; “I do full justice to your good intentions. Another
-fellow might think you wanted to have Delaine here for yourself.”</p>
-
-<p>“Me!” cried Bee, with a wild pang of injured feeling and a sense of the
-injustice, and inappropriateness, the cruel wrong of such a suggestion.
-And that Charlie could speak like that&mdash;who knew everything! It was
-almost more than she could bear.</p>
-
-<p>“But I don’t say that,” he went on in his lofty tones. “I know you mean
-well. It is only that you don’t&mdash;that you can’t understand.” How should
-she? he said to himself with amusing superiority, and a nod of his head
-as if agreeing to the impossibility. Bee resented the tone, the
-assumption, the comparison that was implied in every word.</p>
-
-<p>“I wonder,” she cried, “if you ever tell Laura that she doesn’t and
-can’t understand?”</p>
-
-<p>He stopped short opposite to her, and grasped her arm. “Bee,” he said
-almost solemnly, “Don’t! If you knew her you would know what folly it is
-and presumption to compare yourself for one moment!&mdash;and do me the
-favour not to profane that name, as if it were only a girl’s name like
-your own.”</p>
-
-<p>“Is she a princess, then?” cried Bee, “or an angel? Or what is she?”</p>
-
-<p>“She is both, I think,” said Charlie, in a voice full of awe, “at least
-to me. I wish you wouldn’t talk of her in that way. I am sorry I ever
-told you her name. And please just let my affairs alone. You haven’t
-been able to do anything for me with my father, which is the only thing
-you might have done&mdash;and I don’t want to discuss other things with you.
-So please just let my concerns alone from this day.”</p>
-
-<p>“It was not I that ever wished to interfere!” cried Bee, with great
-mortification and resentment, and after a few minutes’ silent walk
-together in much gloom and stateliness the brother and sister bade each
-other an offended and angry good-night.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXX" id="CHAPTER_XXX"></a>CHAPTER XXX.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">This</span> made, however, but a very temporary breach between Bee and her
-brother. They were a little stiff next morning at breakfast, and
-elaborately refrained from talking on any but the most trivial things,
-but by noon this reserve had broken down, and in the evening, though Bee
-proudly refrained from any reference to Laura, they were as confidential
-as ever. Bee’s mind had passed through various vicissitudes in respect
-to the object of Charlie’s adoration. Her first overwhelming interest
-had given way to a little doubt, and this was naturally strengthened by
-the overweaning estimate of the unknown which Charlie thrust upon her. A
-girl is very willing to admire at second-hand her brother’s love, but
-when she is told that it is presumption to compare herself with that
-divinity, her sympathy is strained too far. Bee began to have an uneasy
-feeling about this unknown Laura. It was one thing to stimulate Charlie
-to work, to stir up all that was best in him, to urge him to distinguish
-himself, for Charlie’s sake or for their joint sakes, if they married
-and became one&mdash;which was the only thing that could happen in Bee’s
-idea&mdash;but it was quite another thing to pretend an enthusiasm for this
-in order that Charlie should be kept within her reach and at her feet
-during that quiet time of the long vacation. Bee knew enough to know
-that severe work is not compatible with much love-making. She imagined
-her brother strolling away from his books to take Laura out on the
-river, or lie at her feet in the garden, which had become the habit of
-his life, as he betrayed to her accidentally. Bee thought, with a little
-indignation, that the lofty intentions which would probably end in these
-proceedings were of the nature of false pretences, and that the girl
-whom Charlie endowed with the most superlative qualities should not
-attempt to take him from his home for such reason; or, at least, if she
-did should do it frankly for love’s sake&mdash;which was always a thing to be
-forgiven&mdash;and not on any fictitious pretence.</p>
-
-<p>For Charlie, being refused that heroic way of working, “going up to
-read,” did not read at all, as was apparent to his sister’s keen eyes.
-He did not attempt to do the best he could, being prevented from doing
-what he desired. He settled himself, it is true, in the library after
-breakfast, with his books, as if with the intention of working, but
-before Bee got through the little lesson which she gave every morning to
-the little ones, Charlie was out strolling about the garden, or lying on
-the grass in the shade with a book, which was usually a novel, or one
-which lay closed by his side while he abandoned himself to thought&mdash;to
-thought, not about his books it was to be feared, for Bee, with tremors
-of sympathy in her heart, recognised too well the dreamy look, the
-drooped eyelids, the air astray from anything going on around. From
-questions of study, as far as Bee had perceived in her short experience,
-the merest footstep on a path, the dropping of a leaf, was enough to
-rouse the student. Charlie’s thoughts were of a far more absorbing kind.</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward suggested once more the week in town, when he came on
-another Saturday evening to Kingswarden. He was a man not very open to a
-perception of the wants of others, but as time went on, and he himself
-became more and more sensible of the ameliorating influences of society
-and occupation, the stagnant atmosphere at home, where his two elder
-children were vegetating, so much against all their previous habits,
-struck him with a sensation which he could not wholly get the better of.
-It was only right that Bee, at least, should remain in the country and
-in retirement the first summer after her mother’s death. It would have
-been most unbecoming had she been in town seeing people, and
-necessarily, more or less, been seen by the world. But yet he felt the
-stillness close round him like a sensible chill, and was aware of the
-great quiet&mdash;aggravated by his own presence, though of this he was
-scarcely aware&mdash;as if it had been a blight in the air. It made him angry
-for the moment. In other times his house in the country had always been
-refreshing and delightful to him. Now, the air, notwithstanding that it
-was full summer, chilled him to the bone.</p>
-
-<p>When you are escaping from the atmosphere of grief, anything that draws
-you back to it feels like an injury. He was very cross, very impatient
-with the silence at table, the subdued looks of the young people, and
-that they had nothing to say. Was it not worse for him than for them? He
-was the one who had lost the most, and to whom all ministrations were
-due, to soften the smart of sorrow. But afterwards his thoughts towards
-his children softened. It was very dull for them. On the Sunday evening
-he took the trouble to press that week in town upon Charlie. “There’s a
-spare closet you can have at my rooms at the office,” he said. “It’s
-very central if not much else, and I daresay your friends will ask you
-out quietly as they do me. I think even you might bring up Bee for the
-day to see the pictures. She could stay the night with the Hammonds and
-see Betty.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, don’t think of me, papa,” cried Bee. “I would rather, far rather,
-stay at home. I don’t care for the pictures&mdash;this year.”</p>
-
-<p>“That is foolish, my dear,” said the Colonel. “There is nothing in the
-least unbecoming to your mourning in going there. Indeed, I wish you to
-go. You ought not to miss the pictures, and it will be a little change.
-Of course, I cannot go with you myself, but Charlie will take you, and
-you can go to Portman Square to sleep. You will see Betty, who must be
-thinking of coming home about now; indeed, it is quite necessary you
-should settle that with her. She can’t stay there all the season, and it
-is rather heartless leaving you like this alone.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, no, papa. It is I that wish her to stay. She would have come back
-long ago but for me.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee’s generous assumption of the blame, if there was any blame, excited
-her father’s suspicion rather than admiration. He looked at her somewhat
-severely. “I cannot conceive what object you can have in preferring to
-be alone,” he said. “It is either morbid, or&mdash;In either case it makes it
-more desirable that Betty should come back. You can arrange that. We
-will say Wednesday. I suppose you will not be nervous about returning
-home alone?”</p>
-
-<p>“But, papa&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“I consider the question settled, Bee,” said Colonel Kingsward, and
-after that there was nothing more to be said.</p>
-
-<p>Poor Bee wept many tears over this compulsory first step back into the
-world&mdash;without her mother, without&mdash;&mdash; She did not mean (as she said in
-her inmost thoughts) <i>anyone else</i>; but it made the whole world vacant
-around her to think that neither on one side nor the other was there
-anyone to walk by her side, to take her hand, to make her feel that she
-was not alone. Nevertheless, it cannot be denied that, in the morning,
-this was the first thought that came into her mind, with a faint
-expansion of her young being. The change, though it was not joyful, was
-still something; and when she set out with Charlie on Wednesday morning
-her heart, in spite of herself, rose a little. To see the pictures! The
-pictures are not generally very exciting, and there was not, as it
-happened, a sensation in any one of them in this particular year, even
-had Bee been capable of it, which she was not. But yet she had a
-sensation, and one of the most startling description. As she was going
-languidly along, looking at one picture after another, mechanically
-referring to the catalogue, which conveyed very little idea to her mind,
-her attention was suddenly attracted by a lady standing in front of one
-of the chief pictures of the year. She was talking with great animation
-to some friends who surrounded her, pointing out the qualities and
-excellencies (or non-excellencies, for Bee was not near enough to hear)
-of the picture. She was picturesquely dressed in black, a tall and
-commanding figure, with a great deal of lace about her, and a fine
-profile, clearly cut and impressive. Bee’s whole attention was called to
-her as by a charm. Where had she seen her before? She seemed acquainted
-with every detail of her figure, and penetrated by a vague reminiscence
-as of someone who had been of personal importance to herself, though she
-could not tell when or how. “Who is she? Oh, who is she?” Bee asked
-herself. She was very handsome&mdash;indeed Bee thought her a beautiful
-woman; not young, which is a thing always noted with a certain pain and
-compassion by a young girl&mdash;but full of grace and interest. While Bee
-gazed, open-eyed, forgetful of herself&mdash;a young figure, very
-interesting, too, to behold, in her deep mourning, and with the complete
-forgetfulness of herself involved in that wistful, inquiring, and
-admiring gaze&mdash;the lady turned round, presenting her full face to the
-girl’s troubled vision. Bee felt her breath come short, her heart beat.
-She fell back hurriedly upon a vacant place on one of the benches which
-someone had charitably left empty. Bee did not know who the woman was,
-nor what possible connections she could have with her own fate, and yet
-there was a conviction in the girl’s heart that she had to do with it,
-that somehow or other her life was in this woman’s hands. It was the
-lady whom she had met that autumn morning last year in the firwoods
-round the Baths, where Bee had gone to finish her sketch&mdash;the lady who
-had appeared suddenly from among the trees, who had sat down by her, and
-pointed out the errors in the little picture, and advised her how to
-put them right. The black lace which was so conspicuous in the
-stranger’s dress, seemed to sweep over Bee as she passed, with the same
-faint, penetrating odour, the same thrill of unaccountable sensation.
-Bee could not take her eyes from this figure as it moved slowly along,
-pausing here and there with the air of a connoisseur. Who was she? Who
-was she? Bee turned as she turned, following her with her eyes.</p>
-
-<p>And then there occurred the most wonderful incident, so strange, so
-unsuspected, so unaccountable, that Bee could scarcely suppress a cry of
-astonishment. Charlie had been “doing” the pictures in his way, going
-faster than his sister, and had been roaming down the whole side of the
-long gallery while Bee occupied herself with one or two favourites. He
-appeared now at a little distance, having made the round of the room,
-and Bee was the involuntary, much surprised witness of the effect
-produced upon Charlie by the sudden appearance which had so much excited
-herself. He stopped short, with it seemed a sudden exclamation, let the
-book in his hands drop in his amazement, then, cleaving the crowd,
-precipitated himself upon the group in which the lady stood. Bee watched
-with consternation the hurried, eager greeting, the illumination of his
-boyish face, even the gesture&mdash;both hands put forth, and the quiver of
-his whole eager figure. She even heard a little cry of surprise from the
-lady, who presently separated herself from her friends and went on with
-Charlie in the closest conversation. It seemed to Bee as she watched,
-following them as well as she could through the crowd which got between
-her and these two figures, that there were no two heads so close
-together in all the throng. They seemed to drift into a corner where the
-pictures were of no importance, where they were comparatively
-undisturbed as if for the most confidential talk. It was not mere
-acquaintanceship, a chance meeting with some one he knew, it was utter
-forgetfulness of everything else, complete absorption in this new
-interest that seemed to move her brother. For a time Bee formed no
-conclusion, thought of no explanation, but watched them only with all
-her faculties. The catalogue which Charlie had dropped was shuffled and
-kicked to her feet by the passers by, a visible sign that something
-unusual had happened. What was it? Who was she?</p>
-
-<p>And then there darted into Bee’s mind a suggestion, an idea which she
-could not, would not entertain. Laura! Was it possible that this could
-be Laura? The thought sent a thrill through and through her. But no! no!
-no! she cried within herself; impossible! This lady was years older than
-Charlie&mdash;of another generation altogether&mdash;not a girl at all. She gazed
-through the crowd at the two heads in the corner of the room, standing
-as if they were looking at the pictures. They had their backs to Bee,
-and she could see nothing but occasionally a side glimpse of Charlie’s
-cheek and the lace bonnet, with the unusual accompaniment of a floating
-veil, which covered his companion’s head. She had remembered the veil at
-once&mdash;not primly fastened over her face, as most ladies wore them, but
-thrown back and falling behind, a head-dress such as nobody else wore.
-It distinguished from every other head that of the woman who, Bee now
-felt sure, was like somebody in a tragedy of Fate&mdash;somebody who had to
-do, she could not tell how, with the shipwreck of her own life&mdash;for had
-she not appeared mysteriously, from she knew not where, on the very eve
-of misery and ruin?&mdash;and now was overshadowing Charlie’s, bringing him
-some calamity. Bee shivered and trembled among all the crowding people
-on the seat which so many people envied her, and felt that she was
-retaining far longer than her share. She was too much frightened to do
-as she could have wished to do, to rush after them, to draw her brother
-away, to break the spell. Such a dark lady had been known in story long
-before Bee was born. Could it be true that hateful beings were permitted
-to stray about even in the brightest scenes, bringing evil augury and
-all kinds of trouble with them? Many a time had Bee thought of this
-lady&mdash;of her sudden appearance, and of her questions about the Leighs;
-of something in her look, an air of meaning which even at the moment had
-confused the unsuspicious, unalarmed girl. And now, What was she? Who
-was she? Laura? Oh, no, no; a hundred times no. If Bee could have
-supposed that her respectable father or any member of her innocent
-family could have wronged anyone, she would have thought it was a
-ghost-lady ominous of trouble. Oh, what a silly thought in broad
-daylight, in the Academy of all places in the world! There was very
-little that was visionary or superstitious in such a place.</p>
-
-<p>Charlie came back to join his sister after a considerable time with a
-glowing face. “Oh, you are there!” he cried. “I’ve been looking
-everywhere for you. I couldn’t think where you could have gone&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“I should have seen you had you been looking for me,” said Bee.</p>
-
-<p>“Well, never mind, now that I have found you. Have you seen as much as
-you wish? It’s time to be moving off if you mean to get to Portman
-Square in time for tea.”</p>
-
-<p>“Charlie,” said Bee, very gravely, getting up and moving with him
-towards the door, “who is that lady you were talking to with the black
-lace about her head?”</p>
-
-<p>“What lady?” said Charlie, with a very fictitious look of surprise, and
-the colour mounting all over his face. “Oh, the lady I met&mdash;that lady?
-Well, she is a lady&mdash;whom I have met elsewhere&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“I have met her, too,” cried Bee, breathless, “down at the Baths just
-before&mdash;&mdash; Oh, who is she&mdash;who is she, Charlie? I think she is one of
-the Fates.”</p>
-
-<p>“You little goose,” cried her brother, and then he laughed in an
-unsteady way. “Perhaps she is&mdash;if there was a good one,” he cried. “She
-is,” he added, in a different tone, and then paused again; “but I
-couldn’t tell you half what she is if I were to talk till next week&mdash;and
-never in such a noisy, vulgar place as this.”</p>
-
-<p>Then Bee’s mind, driven from one thought to another, came suddenly back
-with a jar and strain of her nerves to the question about Laura; was it
-possible that this should be she?&mdash;for it was the tone sacred to Laura
-in which her brother now spoke. “Oh! tell me about her, tell me about
-her!” she cried, involuntarily clasping her hands&mdash;“she isn’t&mdash;is she?
-Oh, Charlie, you will have time to tell me when we get into the park.
-Didn’t she want to speak to me? Why didn’t you introduce me to her if
-she is such a great friend of yours?”</p>
-
-<p>“Hush! for goodness’ sake, now; you are making people stare,” said
-Charlie. He hurried down the stairs and across the road outside, making
-her almost run to keep up with him. “I say, Bee,” he cried hurriedly,
-when he had signalled to a hansom, “should you mind going by yourself? I
-hate driving when I can walk. Why, you’ve been in a hansom by yourself
-before! You’re not going to be such a little goose as to make a fuss
-about it now.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, but Charlie&mdash;I’d rather walk too, and then you can tell me&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, nonsense,” he cried, “you’re tired already. It would be too much
-for you. Portman Square, No.&mdash;. Good-bye, Bee. I’ll look up later,” he
-cried, as, to Bee’s consternation, the wheels of the hansom jarred upon
-the curb and she felt herself carried rapidly away.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXXI" id="CHAPTER_XXXI"></a>CHAPTER XXXI.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">Portman Square</span> had seemed to Bee the first step into the world, after
-all that had happened, but when she was there this gentle illusion
-faded. It was not the world, but only another dry and faded corner out
-of the world, more silent and recluse than even Kingswarden had become,
-for there were no voices of children within, and no rustle of trees and
-singing of birds without. The meeting with Betty was sweet, but the air
-of the little old-fashioned tea-table, the long, solemn dinner, with the
-butler and the footman stealing like ghosts about the table, which was
-laid out with heavy silver and cut glass, with only one small bunch of
-flowers as a sacrifice to modern ideas in the middle, and the silence
-of the great drawing-room afterwards, half lighted and dreary, came with
-a chill upon the girl who had been afraid of being dazzled by too much
-brightness. There were only the old lady and the old gentleman, Betty
-and herself, around the big table, and only the same party without the
-old gentleman afterwards. Mrs. Lyon asked Bee questions about her
-excellent father, and she examined Bee closely about her dear mother,
-wishing to know all the particulars of Mrs. Kingsward’s illness.</p>
-
-<p>“I can’t get a nice serious answer from Betty. She is such a little
-thing; and she tells me she was not at home through the worst,” Mrs.
-Lyon said.</p>
-
-<p>It was not a subject to inspire Bee, or enable her to rise above the
-level of her home thoughts. Betty did not seem to feel it in the same
-way. She was in a white frock with black ribbons, for Mrs. Lyon did not
-like to see her in black, “such a little thing, you know.” Bee wondered
-vaguely whether she herself, only a year-and-a-half the elder, was
-supposed to be quite middle-aged and beyond all the happier surroundings
-of life. Mrs. Lyon gave her a great deal of advice as to what she ought
-to do, and talked much of the responsibilities of the elder sister. “You
-must teach them to obey you, my dear. You must not let down the habit of
-obedience, you must be very strict with them; a sister has more need
-even than a mother to be very strict, to keep them in a good way.” Bee
-sat very still, while the old lady prosed. It was so silent but for that
-voice, that the ticking of the clock became quite an important sound in
-the large dim room. And Bee strained her ears for the sound of a hansom
-drawing up, for Charlie’s step on the pavement. Many hansoms stopped at
-neighbouring houses, and footsteps sounded, but Charlie did not make his
-appearance. “My brother said he would look in later,” she had told Mrs.
-Lyon when she arrived. “Well, my dear, we shall hope he will,” the old
-lady had said, “but a young man in London finds a hundred engagements.”
-And Betty, who had been so serious, who had been so sweet, a perfect
-companion at the time of their mother’s death, more deeply penetrated by
-all the influences of the time than Bee herself, now flitted about in
-her white frock, with all her old brightness, and sang her little song
-without faltering, to show Bee what progress she had made since she had
-been taking lessons. Bee could scarcely yet sing the hymns in church
-without breaking down, though to be sure a girl who was having the best
-lessons would be obliged to get over that. After the long evening when
-they were at last alone together, Betty did not respond warmly to Bee’s
-suggestion that she should now be thinking of returning home. “You seem
-to think of nothing but the children,” she said; “you can’t want me,” to
-which Bee could only reply that there were more things than the children
-to think of, and that she was very lonely and had no one to talk to&mdash;&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>“But you have Charlie,” said Betty.</p>
-
-<p>“Charlie is very full of his own concerns. He has not much sympathy with
-me. All that he wants is to get back to Oxford.”</p>
-
-<p>“To Oxford in the vacation? What would he do there?”</p>
-
-<p>“He says he would work,” said Bee.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Bee, how nice of Charlie! I know they do sometimes, Gerald Lyon
-tells me; but I never thought that Charlie&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“No,” said Bee, “and I don’t feel very sure now, there is someone&mdash;&mdash; to
-whom he writes such long letters&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Bee! This is far, far more interesting than reading! Do you know
-who she is? Does he tell you about her?”</p>
-
-<p>“Her name is Laura,” said Bee, “that is all I know.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh,” cried Betty, “Charlie too!” And then a flush came over the girl’s
-uplifted face. Bee, poor Bee, absorbed in the many things which had
-dawned upon her which were beyond Betty, did not observe the colour nor
-even that significant “too” which had come to Betty’s lips in spite of
-herself.</p>
-
-<p>“I think he met her or someone belonging to her&mdash;at the Academy to-day;
-and that’s why he hasn’t come&mdash;&mdash; Oh, Betty, I am not happy about it&mdash;I
-am not happy at all!”</p>
-
-<p>Betty put her arms round Bee and kissed her. She thought it was the
-remembrance of her own disappointment and disaster which made her sister
-cry out in this heart-broken way. Betty looked very wistfully in Bee’s
-eyes. She was more sorry than words could say. If she could have done
-anything in the world “to make it all come right” she would have done
-so, and in the bottom of her heart she still had a conviction that all
-would “come right.” “Oh, Bee, Bee!” she cried, “cannot anything be done?
-If only&mdash;only you would have listened to his mother!&mdash;Bee&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>Bee held up a warning finger. “Do you think it is myself I am thinking
-of?” she said, and then, wringing her hands, she added, “I don’t know
-what harm we have done to bring it on, but, oh! I think we are in the
-hands of fate.”</p>
-
-<p>What did this mean? Betty thought her sister had gone out of her mind,
-and Bee would make no explanation. But I think this strange conversation
-made Betty rather less willing to return home. She was the darling of
-the house in Portman Square; though they did not go into society, they
-had all manner of indulgences for Betty, and took her to the Park, and
-encouraged the visits of their nephew, Gerald, who was a very merry
-companion for the girl. He was permitted to take her to see various
-sights, and the old people, as usual, did not perceive what was
-beginning to dawn under their very eyes. Betty was such a little thing.
-The consequence was that, though Bee thought Portman Square still duller
-than Kingswarden, her little sister was not of that opinion. Bee
-accordingly went back alone next day, Betty accompanying her to the
-railway station. Neither at Portman Square nor at the railway station
-did Charlie appear, and it was with a heavy heart that Bee went home. It
-seemed to her as she travelled alone, for, I think, the first time in
-her life&mdash;she was not yet quite twenty&mdash;that everyone was following his
-or her own way, and that only she was bearing the whole burden of the
-family. Her father had returned to his own world, his club, his dinners,
-official and otherwise. It was indispensable that he should do so. Bee
-had understood, it being impossible for a man in his position to
-withdraw from the world on account of any private feeling of his own.
-And Betty had flashed back again into her music, and her white frock,
-and was seeing everything as of old. And Charlie&mdash;oh, what was Charlie
-doing, drifting off into some tragic enchantment? The poor girl’s heart
-was very heavy. There seemed only herself to think of them all in their
-separate paths, one here and another there, going further and further
-off in so many different directions from the event which had broken the
-unity of the family, yet surely should have held them together in their
-common trouble. That event had gone into the regions of the past. The
-time of the mother was over, like a tale that is told. There were still
-the children in the nursery, and Bee, their guardian, watching over
-them&mdash;but the others all going off, each at their separate angle. It is
-hard enough to realise this, even when age has gained a certain
-insensibility, but to the girl, this breaking up of the family was
-terrible. “I&mdash;even I alone remain,” she was inclined to say with the
-prophet, and what could she do to stop the closing of these toils of
-Fate? Her mind gradually concentrated on that last and most alarming
-theme of all&mdash;the woman, the lady, without a name or history, or any
-evident link with the family, who had thus, for the second time,
-appeared in the path. Bee tried to fall back upon her reason, to
-represent to herself that she had no real cause for assuming that the
-stranger of whom she knew nothing, who might simply have been walking
-through that German wood, and have stopped by chance to speak to the
-little English girl with her stupid sketch, had anything to do with the
-disaster which so soon overtook that poor little English girl in the
-midst of her happy love. She had no reason, none, for thinking so. She
-tried to represent to herself how foolish she had been to entertain such
-a notion, how natural and without meaning the incident had been. And now
-again, for the second time, what reason had she to believe that anything
-fatal or even dangerous to Charlie was in this lady’s appearance now?
-She was a distinguished-looking woman, much older than Charlie. What was
-more likely than that such a woman, probably by her looks a married
-lady, a person of importance, should have a great deal of influence over
-a youth like Charlie if she took notice of him at all? All this was
-very reasonable. There was far more sense in it than in that foolish
-terror and alarm which had taken possession of her mind. She had almost
-persuaded herself that these apprehensions were foolish before she
-reached home, and yet the moment after she had succeeded in reasoning it
-all out, and convincing herself how foolish they had been, they had
-risen up in a crowd and seized her anxious mind again.</p>
-
-<p>It was some days beyond the week which Charlie had been allowed in town
-when he came back. He was in agitated spirits, with a look of mingled
-excitement and exhaustion, which gave Bee many alarms, but which she was
-not sufficiently skilled or experienced to interpret. Colonel Kingsward
-had not come home in the interval, having gone somewhere else to spend
-his weekly holiday, and when he did come there were various colloquies
-between him and his son, which were evidently of a disturbing kind. Some
-of these were about money, as was to be made out by various allusions.
-Charlie had either been spending too much, or had set up a claim to
-more in the future, a claim which his father was reluctant to allow. But
-it seemed that he had come out triumphant in the end, to judge by their
-respective looks, when they issued from the library together, just
-before Colonel Kingsward left for town.</p>
-
-<p>“I hope, at least, you’ll make good use of it,” were the father’s last
-words&mdash;and “you may trust me, sir,” said Charlie, with all the elation
-of victory.</p>
-
-<p>He was in great spirits all day, teasing the children, and giving Bee
-half confidences as to the great things he meant to do.</p>
-
-<p>“They shan’t put me off with any of their beastly Governorships at the
-end of the world,” said Charlie. “I shall play for high stakes, Bee, I
-can’t afford to be a mere attaché long, but they shan’t shelve me at
-some horrible African station, I can tell you. That’s not a kind of
-promotion that will suit me.”</p>
-
-<p>“But you will have to go where you are sent,” said Bee.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, shall I?” cried Charlie, “that is all you know about it. Besides,
-when a man has a particularly charming wi&mdash;&mdash;” He stopped and coughed
-over the words, and laughed and grew red.</p>
-
-<p>“Do you think your manners are so particularly charming?” said Bee, with
-familiar scorn, upon which Charlie laughed louder than ever and walked
-away.</p>
-
-<p>Next day he left home hurriedly, saying he was going to make a run for a
-day or two to “see a man,” and came back in the same excited, exhausted
-state on Saturday morning, before his father returned&mdash;a process which
-was repeated almost every week, to the great consternation and trouble
-of Bee. For Charlie never mentioned these absences to his father, and
-Bee felt herself spell-bound, as if she were incapable of doing so. How
-could she betray her brother? And the letters to Laura ceased. He had no
-time now to write these long letters. Neither did he receive them as
-used to be the case. Had the correspondence ceased, or was there any
-other explanation? But Charlie talked but little to his sister now, and
-not at all on this subject, and thus the web of mystery seemed to be
-woven more and more about his feet&mdash;Bee alone suspecting or fearing
-anything, Bee alone entirely unable to make it clear.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXXII" id="CHAPTER_XXXII"></a>CHAPTER XXXII.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">The</span> year went on in its usual routine, the boys came back from school,
-there was the usual move to the seaside, all mechanically performed
-under the impulse of use, and when the anniversary came round of the
-mother’s death, it passed, and the black dresses were gradually laid
-aside. And everything came back, and everybody referred to Bee as if
-there had always been a slim elder sister at the head of affairs. Betty
-came home at the end of the season with a sentiment in respect to Gerald
-Lyon, and with the prospect of many returns to Portman Square, but
-nothing final in her little case, nothing that prevented her from being
-one of the ringleaders in all the mischief which inevitably occurred
-when the family were gathered together. Bee had become so prematurely
-serious, so over-wrought with the cares of the family, that Betty, who
-was too energetic to be suppressed, gradually came to belong rather to
-the faction of the boys than to share the responsibilities of the elder
-sister, which might have been her natural place. The second Christmas,
-instead of being forlorn, like the first, was almost the gayest that had
-been known in Kingswarden for many years. For the boys were growing, and
-demanded invitations for their friends, and great skating while the
-frost lasted, which, as the pond at Kingswarden was the best for a great
-number of miles round, brought many cheerful youthful visitors about the
-house. Colonel Kingsward was nothing if not correct; he did not neglect
-the interests of any of his children. He perceived at once that to have
-Bee alone at the head of affairs, without any support, especially when
-his own time at home was so much broken by visits, would be bad at once
-for her “prospects,” and for the discipline of the family. He procured
-a harmless, necessary aunt accordingly, a permanent member of the
-household, yet only a visitor, who could be displaced at any time, to
-provide for all necessary proprieties, an arrangement which left him
-very free to go and come as he pleased. And thus life resumed its usual
-lightness, and youth triumphed, and things at Kingswarden went on as of
-old, with a little more instead of less commotion and company and
-entertainment as the young people developed and advanced.</p>
-
-<p>It was perhaps natural enough, too, in the circumstances that Charlie,
-though the oldest son, should be so little at home. He came for
-Christmas, but he did not throw himself into the festivities with the
-spirit he ought to have shown. He was in a fitful state of mind,
-sometimes in high spirits, sometimes overclouded and impatient,
-contemptuous of the boys, as having himself reached so different a line
-of development, and indifferent to all the family re-unions and
-pleasures. Sometimes it seemed to Bee, who was the only one in the
-family who concerned herself about Charlie’s moods, that he was anxious
-and unhappy, and that the air of being bored which he put on so readily,
-and the hurried way in which he rushed out and in, impatient of the
-family calls upon him, concealed a secret trouble. He complained to her
-of want of money, of his father’s niggardliness, of the unhappy lot of
-young men who never had any “margin,” who dared not spend an extra
-shilling without thinking where it was to come from. But whether this
-was the only trouble, or how it came about that he had discovered
-himself to be so poor, Bee, poor child, who knew so little, could not
-divine. How miserable it was that it was she who was in the mother’s
-place! Mamma would have divined, she would have understood, she would
-have helped him through that difficult passage, but what could Bee do,
-who knew nothing about life, who thought it very likely that she was
-making mountains out of molehills, and that all young men were bored and
-uneasy at home&mdash;oh, if people would only be all good, all happy with
-each other, all ready to do what pleased the whole, instead of merely
-what pleased themselves!</p>
-
-<p>To Bee, so prematurely introduced into the midst of those jars and
-individual strivings of will and fancy, it seemed as if everything might
-be made so easy in life by this simple method. If only everybody would
-be good! The reader may think it was a nursery view of human life, and
-yet what a solution it would give to every problem! Colonel Kingsward
-then would have been more at home, would have been the real father who
-commanded his children’s confidence, instead of papa, whose
-peculiarities had to be studied, and in whose presence the children had
-to be hushed and every occasion of disturbance avoided, and of whom they
-were all more or less afraid. And Charlie would have been more or less a
-second to him, thoughtful of all, chivalrous to the girls, fond of home,
-instead of, as he was, pausing as it were on one foot while he was with
-his family, anxious only to get away. And Bee&mdash;well, Bee perhaps would
-have been different too had that new, yet old, golden rule come into
-full efficacy. Oh, if everybody, including always one’s own self, would
-only be good!</p>
-
-<p>It makes the head go round to think what a wonderful revolution in the
-world generally the adoption of that simplest method would produce. But
-in poor Bee’s experience it was the last rule likely to be adopted in
-Kingswarden, where, more and more to the puzzled consciousness of the
-girl not able to cope with so many warring individualities, everyone was
-going his own way.</p>
-
-<p>It was in the early spring that Colonel Kingsward came down from town to
-Kingswarden, looking less like the adoption of this method than ever
-before. The children were in the hall when he came, busy with some great
-game in which various skins which were generally laid out there were in
-use as properties, making, it must be allowed, a scene of confusion in
-that place. The Colonel was not expected. He had walked from the
-station, and the sound of his voice stopped the fun with a sudden horror
-of silence and fright, which, indeed, was not complimentary to a father.
-Instead of greetings, he asked why the children were allowed to make
-such a confusion in the place, with a voice which penetrated to the
-depths of the house and brought Bee and Betty flying from the
-drawing-room.</p>
-
-<p>“Papa!” they both cried, in surprise, mingled with alarm. Colonel
-Kingsward walked into the room they had left, ordering peremptorily the
-children to the nursery, but finding certain friends of Betty’s there,
-in full enjoyment of talk and tea, retreated again to his library, Bee
-following nervously.</p>
-
-<p>“Is your brother here?” he asked, harshly, establishing himself with his
-back to the fire.</p>
-
-<p>“My brother?” echoed Bee, for indeed there were half-a-dozen, and how
-was she to know on the spur of the moment which he meant.</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward looked, in the partial light (for a lamp which smoked
-had been brought in hurriedly, to make things worse), as if he would
-have liked to seize his daughter and wring her slender neck. He went on
-with additional irritation: “I said your brother. The others, I have no
-doubt, will provide trouble enough in their turn. For the moment it is,
-of course, Charlie I mean. Is he here?”</p>
-
-<p>“Papa! Why, he is at Oxford, you know, in the schools&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward laughed harshly. “He was going in for honours, wasn’t
-he? Wanted to go up to read in the long vacation&mdash;was full of what he
-was going to do? Well, it has all ended in less than nothing, as I might
-have known it would. Read that!” he cried, tossing a letter on the
-table.</p>
-
-<p>Bee, with her heart sick, took up and opened the letter, and struggled
-to read, in her agitation, an exceedingly bad hand by an indifferent
-light. She made out enough to see that Charlie had not succeeded in his
-“schools,” that he had not even secured a “pass,” that he had incurred
-the continual censure of his college authorities by shirking lectures,
-failing in engagements, and doing absolutely no work. So far as was
-known there was nothing against his moral character, but&mdash;&mdash; Bee, to
-whom the censure of the college sounded like a sentence of death, put
-down the dreadful letter carefully, as if it might explode, and raised
-large eyes, widened with alarm and misery, to her father’s face.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, papa!” was all that she could say.</p>
-
-<p>“I telegraphed to him to come home at once and meet me here. The fool,”
-said Colonel Kingsward, pacing about the room, “is capable of not doing
-that&mdash;of going away&mdash;of&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Papa, they say there is nothing against his character. Oh! you couldn’t
-think that he would&mdash;do anything dreadful; not disappear, not&mdash;&mdash;” Bee
-said the rest in an anguish of suspicion and ignorance with her eyes.</p>
-
-<p>“God knows what an idiot like that may do! Things are bad enough, but he
-will, of course, think them worse than they are. There is one thing we
-may be sure of,” he said, with a fierce laugh, “Charlie will do nothing
-to make himself uncomfortable. He knows how to take care of himself.”
-Colonel Kingsward walked up and down the room, gnawing the end of his
-moustache. The lamp smoked, but he took no notice of it. “There is one
-thing certain,” he said, “and that is, there’s a woman in it. I remember
-now, he was always thinking of something; like an ass, I supposed it was
-his studies. No doubt it was some Jezebel or other.”</p>
-
-<p>“Papa,” said Bee.</p>
-
-<p>“Speak out! Has he told you anything?” He stopped in front of her, and
-stood looking with threatening eyes into her face. “If you keep back
-anything from me,” he said, “your brother’s ruin will be on your head.”</p>
-
-<p>“Papa,” said Bee, faltering, “it is not much I know. I know that there
-was a lady who lived in Oxford&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Ah! The long vacation,” he exclaimed, with another angry laugh.</p>
-
-<p>“He used to write long letters to her, and he told me her name.”</p>
-
-<p>“That is something to the purpose. What was her name?”</p>
-
-<p>“He said,” said Bee, in a horror of betraying her brother, yet impelled
-to speak, “he said that she was called&mdash;Laura, papa.”</p>
-
-<p>“What?” he cried, for Bee’s voice had sunk very low; and then he turned
-away again with an impatient exclamation, calling her again a little
-fool. “Laura, confound her! What does that matter? I thought you had
-some real information to give.”</p>
-
-<p>“Papa,” said Bee, timidly, “there is a little more, though perhaps it
-isn’t information. When he took me to the Academy in summer I saw him
-meet a lady. Oh, not a common person, a beautiful, grand-looking lady.
-But it could not be the same,” Bee added, after a pause, “for she was
-much older than Charlie&mdash;not a young lady at all.”</p>
-
-<p>“Why didn’t you tell me this at the time?” cried Colonel Kingsward. “Can
-one never secure the truth even from one’s own children? I should have
-sent him off at once had I known. What do you mean by not young at all?”</p>
-
-<p>“I should think,” said Bee, with diffidence and a great anxiety not to
-exaggerate such a dreadful statement, “that she might perhaps have
-been&mdash;thirty, papa.”</p>
-
-<p>“You little idiot,” her father kindly replied.</p>
-
-<p>Why was she a little idiot? But Bee had not time to go into that
-question. The evening was full of agitation and anxiety. The poor little
-girl, unused to such sensations, sat through dinner in a quiver of
-anxious abstraction, listening for every sound. There were several
-trains by which he might still come, and at any moment when the door
-opened Charlie might present himself, pale with downfall and distress,
-to meet his father’s angry look, whose eyes were fixed on the door
-whenever it opened with as much preoccupation as Bee’s&mdash;with this
-difference, that Bee’s eyes were soft with excuses and pity, while those
-brilliant steely eyes which shone from beneath her father’s dark brows,
-and which were the originals of her own, blazed with anger. When dinner
-was over, which he hurried through, disturbing the servants in their
-leisurely routine, Colonel Kingsward again called Bee to him into the
-library. She was the only person to whom he could talk of the subject of
-which his mind was full, which was the sole reason for this great
-distinction, for he had very little patience with Bee’s trembling
-remarks. “Don’t be a little fool,” was the answer he made to any timid
-suggestion upon which she ventured; but yet there was a necessity upon
-him to discuss it with someone, and Bee, however inadequate, had this
-burden to bear.</p>
-
-<p>“If the woman is the kind you say, and if she thinks there’s anything to
-be made by it&mdash;why the fool may have married her,” he cried. “Heavens!
-Think of it; married at three and twenty, without a penny! But,” he
-added, colouring a little, “they are very knowing, these women. She
-would find out that he was not worth her while, and probably throw him
-off in time.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, papa!” cried Bee, horrified by the thought that her brother might
-be deserted in the moment of his downfall.</p>
-
-<p>“That is the best we can hope. He will have Kingswarden, of course, when
-I die, but not a penny&mdash;not a penny in the meantime to keep up any such
-ridiculous&mdash;Listen! Is that the train?”</p>
-
-<p>There was a cutting near Kingswarden through which the thundering of the
-train was heard as it passed. This had been a great grievance at first,
-but it was not without its conveniences to the accustomed ears of the
-household now. They both listened with anxiety, knowing that by this
-time it must have stopped at the station and deposited any passenger,
-and for the next half-hour watched and waited; Bee, with all her being
-in her ears, listened with an intensity of attention such as she had
-never known before, holding her breath; while Captain Kingsward himself,
-though he kept walking up and down the room, did so with a softened
-step which made no sound on the thick carpet, not uttering a word,
-listening too. To describe all the sounds they heard, or thought they
-heard, how often the gate seemed to swing in the distance, and the
-gravel start under a quick foot, would be endless. It was the last
-train; if he did not come now it would be clear that he did not mean to
-come. And it was now too late for any telegram. When it was no longer
-possible to believe that he could have been detained on the way, Colonel
-Kingsward drew a long breath of that disappointment which, in the
-yielding of nervous tension, is almost for the moment a relief.</p>
-
-<p>“If there is no letter to-morrow morning I shall go up to Oxford,” he
-said, “and, Bee, if you like, you can come with me. You might be of use.
-Don’t say anything to Betty or your aunt. Say you are going with me to
-town by the early train, and that you may possibly not return till next
-day. There is no need for saying any more.”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, papa,” said Bee, submissively. That was all he knew! No need for
-saying any more to Betty, who had known every movement her sister made
-since ever she was born! But, at all events, Bee made up her mind to
-escape explanation so far as she could to-night. She paused for a moment
-at the door of the drawing-room as she passed. No more peaceful scene
-could have been presented. Betty was at the piano singing one song after
-another, half for practice, half to amuse the aunt, who sat dozing in
-her chair by the fire. The others had gone to bed, and careless youth
-and still more careless age, knowing nothing of any trouble, pursued
-their usual occupations in perfect composure and calm. The aunt knitted
-mechanically, and dozed in the warmth and quiet which she loved, and
-Betty went on singing her songs, indifferent to her audience, yet
-claiming attention, breaking off now and then in the middle of a line to
-ask “Do you like that, Aunt Ellen? Are you paying any attention, Aunt
-Ellen?” “Yes, my dear, I like it very much,” the old lady said, and
-dozed again. Bee turned away with a suppressed sob. Where was Charlie?
-In disgrace, perhaps heart-broken, deserted by his love, afraid to meet
-his father! It was foolish to think that he was out in the night,
-wandering without shelter, without hope, for there was no need of any
-such tragic circumstances, but this was the picture that presented
-itself to Bee’s aching and inexperienced heart.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXXIII" id="CHAPTER_XXXIII"></a>CHAPTER XXXIII.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">Charlie</span> was not in his rooms at College, he had not been there for some
-days, and nobody could furnish any information as to where he was.
-Colonel Kingsward had left Bee in the hotel while he went on to make his
-inquiries. He was very guarded in the questions he asked, for though he
-was himself very angry with his son, he was still careful for Charlie’s
-reputation, explaining even to the college porter, who was very well
-acquainted with the eccentricities of the gentlemen, that he had no
-doubt his son had returned home, though they had unfortunately crossed
-each other on the way. The Colonel tried to keep up this fiction even
-with the sympathetic Don, who made matters so much worse by his
-compassion, but who was very full and detailed in his relation of poor
-Charlie’s backslidings, the heaviness of whose gate bill and the amount
-of whose sins and penalties were terrible to hear. He had attended no
-lectures, he had written no essays, he had been dumb and blank in every
-examination.</p>
-
-<p>“Out of consideration to you, Colonel Kingsward, the College has been
-very forbearing, and shut its eyes as long as possible.”</p>
-
-<p>“I wish, sir, the College had shown more common sense and let me know,”
-the Colonel cried, in wrath; but that did not throw any light upon the
-subject.</p>
-
-<p>As it turned out, Charlie had not “gone in” for his “schools” at all. He
-had done nothing that he ought to have done. What things he had done
-which he ought not to have done remained to be discovered. His stern
-father did not doubt that a sufficient number of these actual offences
-would soon be found to add to the virtues omitted. He went back to the
-hotel where Bee had been spending a miserable morning, and they sat
-together in gloom and silence.</p>
-
-<p>“You had better go home,” he said to her. “He may have got home by this
-time, and I don’t see what use you can be here.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee was very submissive, yet begged hard to return as far as London, at
-least, with her father; to wait for another day, in case some trace of
-the prodigal might be found. Many such parties have occupied the dreary
-hotel rooms and stared in vain out of the windows, and watched with sick
-hearts the passing throng, the shoals of undergraduates, to their eyes
-all dutiful and well-doing, while the one in whom they are concerned is
-absent, in what evil ways they know not. Poor Bee was too young to feel
-the full weight of such alarms but she was as miserable as if she had
-known everything that could happen in the vagueness of her consciousness
-of despair and pain. What Charlie could have done, what would become of
-him, what his father would do or could do, were all hidden from Bee. But
-there was in it all a vague misery which was almost worse than clear
-perception. Colonel Kingsward, with all his knowledge of the world, was
-scarcely less vague. He did not know how to find out the secrets of an
-under-graduate. Charlie had friends, but all of them protested that
-they had seen very little of him of late. He had fallen off from sports
-and exercise as much as from study. He had scarcely been on the cricket
-ground all the summer; he had given up football; “boating on the river
-with ladies,” he had been seen, but not recently, for the floods were
-out and such amusements were no longer practicable. At night the Colonel
-knew almost as little about his son as when he had arrived full of
-certainty that the whole matter could be cleared up in a few hours.</p>
-
-<p>Next day began gloomily with another visit to the Don, whom Colonel
-Kingsward hoped to have seen the last of on their former exasperating
-interview. As he had discovered nothing elsewhere, he went back again to
-the authority, who had also hoped on his side to be free from the
-anxious but impatient father, and they had another long talk, which
-ended like the first in nothing. The college potentate had no idea where
-the youth could have gone. Charlie had left most of his property still
-in his rooms; he had gone out with only a little bag, nobody suspecting
-him of an intention to “go down.” After they had gone over the question
-again, the Don being by no means as sympathetic as the first time, and
-contributing a good deal to Colonel Kingsward’s acquaintance with his
-son’s proceedings&mdash;a sudden light was for the first time thrown upon the
-question by a chance remark. “You know, of course, that he had friends
-in Oxford?”</p>
-
-<p>“Like other young men, I suppose. I have seen several of them, and they
-can give me no information.”</p>
-
-<p>“I don’t mean undergraduates: people living in the town&mdash;ladies,” said
-the Don, who was a young man, almost with a blush. And after sending for
-Charlie’s scout, and making other inquiries, Colonel Kingsward was
-furnished with an address. He went back to the hotel quickly, in some
-excitement, to inform Bee of the new clue he had obtained, but he
-scarcely reached the room where she was awaiting him when he was told
-that a lady had just asked for him downstairs. Bee was sent off
-immediately to her room while her father received this unexpected
-visitor. Bee had been watching at the window all the morning, looking
-down upon that world of young men, all going about their work or their
-pleasure, all in their fit place, while Charlie was no one knew where.
-The poor girl had been breaking her heart over that thought, wistfully
-watching the others among whom he ought to have been, feeling the pang
-of that comparison, sometimes imagining she saw a figure like his in the
-distance, and watching, as it approached, how every trace died away.
-Where was he? Bee’s young heart was very sore. The vacancy was appalling
-to her, filling itself with all kinds of visionary shapes of terror. She
-could not think of him only as wandering away in misery and despair,
-feeling himself to have failed, ashamed and afraid to look anyone in the
-face. She scarcely understood her father when he hurried her out of the
-sitting-room, but obeyed him with a sense of trouble and injury though
-without knowing why.</p>
-
-<p>Bee spent a very forlorn hour in her room. She heard the sound of the
-voices next door. Her father’s well known tones, and a low voice which
-she felt must be a woman’s. She would have been much tempted to listen
-to what they said if it had been possible, but there was no door between
-the rooms, and she could only hear that a long and close conversation
-was going on, without making out a word of it. She was very restless in
-her anxiety, wandering from the window to the door, which she opened
-with a desire to hear better, which defeated itself&mdash;and to see better,
-though there was nothing to be seen. It seemed to Bee that half the day
-was over before the sound of movement in the sitting-room warned her
-that the conference was breaking up. Even after that there was a long
-pause, and the talking went on, though it moved closer to the door. Bee
-had gradually grown in excitement as those sounds went on. She stole to
-her own half-open door, as the one next to it was opened, and the
-visitor came forth attended with the greatest courtesy by Colonel
-Kingsward, who accompanied her to the stairs. There the lady turned
-round and gave him her hand, turning her face towards the spot where the
-unsuspected watcher stood gazing with eyes of wonder and terror.</p>
-
-<p>“Not another step,” she said, with a sweet but decided voice. “The only
-thing I will ask from you, Colonel Kingsward, will be a line, a single
-line, to say that all is well.”</p>
-
-<p>“You may rely upon that,” the Colonel said, bowing over the hand he
-held, “but may not I see you to your carriage, call your servant?”</p>
-
-<p>“I am walking,” she said, “and I am alone; come no further, please; one
-line to say that all is well.” He still held her hand and she gave it a
-little, significant pressure, adding in a low tone: “And happy&mdash;and
-forgiven!”</p>
-
-<p>Bee stood as if she had been turned to stone; a little, clandestine
-figure within the shelter of the door. It was a beautiful face that was
-thus turned towards her for a minute, unconscious of her scrutiny, and
-the voice was sweet. Oh, not a woman like any other woman! She said to
-herself that she remembered the voice and would have known it anywhere;
-and the look, half kind, yet with a touch of ridicule, of mockery in it.
-This was evidently not what the Colonel felt. He descended a few of the
-stairs after her, until turning again with a smile and with her hands
-extended as if to drive him back, she forbade his further attendance. He
-returned to the sitting-room thoughtfully, yet with a curious, softened
-expression upon his face, and a few minutes afterwards, not at once, he
-came to the door again and called Bee. There was still a smile lingering
-about his lips, though his mouth had stiffened back into its usual
-somewhat stern composure.</p>
-
-<p>“Come in,” he said, “I have something to tell you. I have had a very
-strange visit&mdash;a visit from a lady.”</p>
-
-<p>“I saw her,” said Bee, under her breath, but her father was too much
-pre-occupied to hear.</p>
-
-<p>“If this was, as I suppose, the lady whom you and your brother met, you
-are right, Bee, in thinking her very remarkable. She is one of the
-handsomest women I ever saw, and with a charm about her, which&mdash;. But,
-of course what you want to hear is about Charlie. I am glad to tell you
-that she has very much relieved my mind about Charlie, Bee.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee stood before her father with her hands folded, with the most
-curious sense of revolt and opposition in her mind&mdash;looking at him, a
-spectator would have said, with something of the sternness that was
-habitual to him, but so very inappropriate on her soft brow. She made no
-reply to this. Her countenance did not relax. Relieved about Charlie?
-No! Bee did not believe it. Pity and terror for Charlie seemed to take
-stronger and stronger possession of her heart.</p>
-
-<p>“It is a long story,” he said. “Sit down, you have got a way of standing
-staring, my dear. I wish you had more womanly models like the lady I
-have just been talking to&mdash;perfectly clear and straightforward in what
-she said, but with a feminine grace and sweetness. Well, it appears that
-Charlie had the good luck to get introduced to this lady about a year
-ago. Sit down, I tell you, I won’t have you staring at me in that rude
-way.”</p>
-
-<p>There was a little pause, and Bee sat down abruptly, and not very
-gracefully. Colonel Kingsward could not but remark the difference. He
-followed her movements for a moment with his eyes, and then he began
-again&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>“For all I can make out, he has been treated with a kindness which
-should have done everything for a young man. He has been invited to the
-house of these ladies&mdash;he has met all sorts of people who ought to be of
-use to him, whom it was a distinct advantage to meet&mdash;he has been kept
-out of the usual foolish diversions of young men. So far as I can make
-out, there is nothing against his character except what these
-Don-fellows call idleness&mdash;a thing that scarcely tells against a young
-man in after-life, unless he is a parson, or a schoolmaster, or
-something of that kind. Even the missing of his degree,” said the
-Colonel, pulling his moustache reflectively, “is of little importance
-among practical men. So long as he can get through in his modern
-languages, and so forth, of what importance are the classics? I am very
-much relieved in my mind about Charlie. She thinks he must have gone
-straight down to London, instead of going home.”</p>
-
-<p>“Who is the lady, papa?”</p>
-
-<p>Bee’s interest in Charlie seemed to have dropped, as the Colonel’s had
-done, for the moment. His advocate had made herself the first person on
-the horizon.</p>
-
-<p>“The lady? So far as I can make out she is living here with some
-friends, up in the district called the Parks, where a great many people
-now live. She says she has always taken an interest in the
-undergraduates, who are left so sadly to themselves, and that, being of
-an age to make it possible, she has wished very much to devote herself
-to do what she could for these boys. Unfortunately, with her unusual
-personal attractions&mdash;&mdash;.” The Colonel stopped short and bit his
-moustache. “After all her kindness to your brother, encouraging him in
-his work and setting his duty before him&mdash;and no elder sister, no
-mother, could have been kinder, from all she tells me&mdash;the foolish boy
-repaid her good offices by&mdash;what do you think? But you will never
-guess.”</p>
-
-<p>“And I will never, never believe it,” cried Bee, “if it was
-anything&mdash;anything that was not nice on Charlie’s part!” Her voice was
-quite hoarse in her emotion, her secret fury against this woman, of whom
-she knew nothing, rising more and more.</p>
-
-<p>“You little fool!” her father said, rising and standing up against the
-mantel-piece. He laughed angrily, and looked at her with his most
-contemptuous air. “One would think that even in their cradles women must
-begin to hate women,” he said.</p>
-
-<p>Bee, who hated no one unless it was this woman whom she feared but did
-not know, grew angry red. Her blue eyes flashed and shone like northern
-lights. The cruel and contemptuous assumption which touched her pride of
-sex, added vehemence to the other emotion which was already strong
-enough, and roused her up into a kind of fury.</p>
-
-<p>“If she says anything bad of Charlie I don’t believe it,” she cried,
-“not a word, not a word! Whatever he has done she has driven him to it!”
-Then Bee was suddenly silent, panting, terrified or afraid that her
-little outburst of passion would close all further revelations.</p>
-
-<p>“It seems unnecessary to add another word in face of such fierce
-prejudice!”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, papa, forgive me. Tell me; I shall say nothing more.”</p>
-
-<p>“You have said a great deal too much already. After this,” he said,
-sarcastically, “you will perhaps think that your brother&mdash;of three and
-twenty, without a penny or a prospect&mdash;did Miss Lance honour by forcing
-a proposal upon her, making love to her at the end of all&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Miss Lance!” Bee said, with a sharp cry.</p>
-
-<p>The Colonel took no notice of the interruption. He went on with a kind
-of disdainful comment to himself rather than to her.</p>
-
-<p>“After all, there are things which a lady has to put up with, which we
-don’t take into consideration. A young fool whom she has been kind to,
-knowing he has nobody near to look after him, no mother”&mdash;his voice even
-grew a little tender at this point&mdash;“and by way of reward the idiot
-falls in love with her, asks a woman like that to share his
-insignificant little life! Jove! What a piece of impertinence!” the
-Colonel said, with an angry laugh.</p>
-
-<p>“Did you say,” said Bee, with faltering lips, “Miss Lance, papa?”</p>
-
-<p>He turned upon her with a look of extreme surprise.</p>
-
-<p>“Why shouldn’t I have said Miss Lance? What is there unusual in the
-name?”</p>
-
-<p>Bee looked at him with a dumb rebellion, an almost scorn and passion far
-greater than his own. He had forgotten the name&mdash;but Bee had not
-forgotten it. The fact that Bee’s own young life had suffered shipwreck
-had perhaps escaped from his memory altogether, though it was she who
-had done it. Bee looked at him with her blue eyes blazing, remembering
-everything that he had forgotten. Her brother had gone out of her mind,
-and all the history of his Laura, and the way in which he had been
-enfolded in this fatal web. She went back to her own wrongs&mdash;forgetting
-that she had keenly confirmed her father’s decision and rejected Aubrey
-on what she thought to be other and sufficient grounds. She thought only
-of the moment when sudden darkness had fallen upon her in the first
-sunshine of her life, and she had struggled against the rigid will of
-her father, who would listen to no explanations&mdash;who would not
-understand. And all for the sake of this woman&mdash;the spider who dragged
-fly after fly into her net; the witch, the enchantress of whom all
-poems and stories spoke! Her exasperation was so intense that she forgot
-all the laws of respect and obedience in which her very being had been
-bound, and looked at her father as at an equal, an enemy whom she
-scorned as well as feared.</p>
-
-<p>“What is the meaning of these looks,” he said, “I am altogether at a
-loss to understand you, Bee. Why this fury at a name&mdash;which you have
-never heard before, so far as I know.”</p>
-
-<p>“You think I have never heard it before?” said Bee, in her passion. “It
-shows how little you think of me, or care for anything that has happened
-to me. Oh, I have heard it before, and I shall hear it again, I know. I
-know I shall hear it again. And you don’t mind, though you are our
-father! You don’t remember!” Bee was still very young, and she had that
-fatal woman’s weakness which spoils every crisis with inevitable tears.
-Her exasperation was too great for words. “You don’t remember!” she
-cried, flinging the words at him like a storm; and then broke down in a
-passion of choking sobs, unable to say more.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXXIV" id="CHAPTER_XXXIV"></a>CHAPTER XXXIV.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">To</span> do Colonel Kingsward justice, he was taken entirely by surprise by
-Bee’s outburst. He had no remembrance of the name. The name had been
-wholly unimportant to him even at the time when it had come under his
-notice. The previous claimant to Aubrey Leigh’s affections had been “the
-woman,” no more, to his consciousness. He did not remember anything
-about the business now, except that there was a story about a woman, and
-that he would not permit his young daughter to marry a man concerning
-whom such a story existed. Even after Bee had left him, when he really
-made an effort to pursue into the recesses of his mind anything that was
-connected with that name, he could not make it out. Was it perhaps a
-tyrannical governess? but that would not explain the girl’s vehement
-outcry. He had not thought for a long time of Bee’s interrupted love,
-and broken-off engagement. Of what consequence is such an episode to so
-young a girl? And there were other matters in his mind of what seemed a
-great deal more importance. Whatever was the source of Bee’s previous
-knowledge of Miss Lance, she hated that singularly attractive woman, as
-it is usual for the sex&mdash;Colonel Kingsward thought&mdash;to hate
-instinctively every other woman who is endowed with unusual attractions.</p>
-
-<p>What a magnificent creature that woman was! How finely she had talked of
-the undeveloped boy to whom she had hoped to be of service, and with
-what genuine feeling, half-abashed, distressed, yet not without a gleam
-of amusement, she had told him of the wonderful scene at the end, when
-Charlie had asked her to marry him.</p>
-
-<p>“Me! A woman who might be his mother!” she had said, with beautiful
-candour; though it was not candour, it was more like jest, seeing that
-she was still young&mdash;young enough to turn any man’s head. And she had
-added hastily, “It must have been my fault. Somehow I must have led him
-astray, though I was so far from intending it. A boy like your son would
-not have done such a wild thing had he not supposed&mdash;&mdash;” She put up her
-hands to her face to hide a blush. “That is the worst of us, poor
-women,” she had said, “we cannot show an interest even in a boy but he
-supposes&mdash;oh, Colonel Kingsward, can’t you imagine what I felt, wishing
-solely to be of use to your son, who is such a good, ingenuous, <i>nice</i>
-boy&mdash;and finding in a moment, without the least warning, that he had
-mistaken me like <i>that</i>!”</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward was of opinion, and so was everybody who knew him,
-that he was by no means an impressionable man; but it would be
-impossible to say how touched he had been by that explanation. And she
-was so sorry for Charlie. She avowed that, after what had happened, she
-would have considered herself inexcusable if she had not come to his
-father, however unpleasant it might be to herself, to show him how
-little, how very little, Charlie was to blame.</p>
-
-<p>“You must not&mdash;must not be angry with him,” she had said, joining her
-hands in appeal. “Oh, forgive him; it is so much my fault. If I could
-but bear the penalty! But I cannot endure to think that the poor boy
-should be punished when all the time I, who am so much older than he is,
-am the one to blame. I ought to have known better. I am at your mercy,
-Colonel Kingsward. You cannot say anything worse to me than I have done
-to myself; but he, poor boy, is really not to blame.”</p>
-
-<p>The Colonel had no wish to say anything to her that was uncomplimentary.
-He entered into her position with the most unusual sympathy. Perhaps he
-had never had so warm a feeling of understanding and affection for
-anyone before. The compassion and the appeal was something quite new and
-original to him. He was not a man to be sympathetic with the troubles of
-a middle-aged spinster&mdash;an elderly flirt, as he would probably have
-called her, had he heard the story at second hand; in such a case he
-would have denounced the mature siren in the terms usual to men of
-experience. But the presence of this lady made all the difference. She
-was not like anyone else. The usual phrases brought forward on such
-occasions were meaningless or worse in respect to her. He was softened
-to Charlie, too, by the story, though he could have raved at his son’s
-folly. The puppy!&mdash;to think a woman like that could care for him! And
-yet, as she said, there was no harm in the boy; only absurdity,
-presumption, the last depths of fatuity. Poor young fool! But it was a
-different thing from racing towards the bottomless pit for the mere
-indulgence of his own appetites, as so many young men did, and if this
-was the only reason of Charlie’s downfall it involved no loss of
-character and need make no breach in his career, which was the chief
-thing. He could make up his lost ground, and the F.O. would care very
-little for what the Dons said. The idleness of a boy in love (the puppy!
-inexcusable in his presumption, but yet with plenty of justification at
-least) could do him no more than temporary harm in any case.</p>
-
-<p>These thoughts passed through the Colonel’s mind with a great sense of
-relief. It did not occur to him that Charlie, when he saw his folly,
-could have much difficulty in getting over such a misplaced sentiment.
-It must be done, and the boy must feel that such a hope was as much
-above him as was the moon in the skies. He must make up his mind to
-apply himself, to get through his examination, to begin his real
-life&mdash;which his father would certainly impress upon him was not mere
-amusement or happiness, if he liked to call it so, but work and a sharp
-struggle to secure his standing. As for his degree, that was a matter of
-complete indifference to Colonel Kingsward. The boy had his experience
-of Oxford life to talk of and fall back upon; he was a University man
-all the same, though he had not been crowned by any laurels he had made
-some friends, and he had gained the necessary familiarity with that
-phase of a young man’s existence. What did the details matter, and who
-would ever ask about his degree? An attaché does not put B.A. or M.A.
-(which was which, or if there was any difference, or on what occasion
-such vanities should be displayed the Colonel was quite unaware) to his
-name like a schoolmaster. Nothing could be of less importance than this.
-He dismissed Charlie from his mind accordingly with much relief. It was
-not at all unnatural that the boy should have gone to town instead of
-going to Kingswarden. No doubt by this time he had made his way home,
-and this reminded the Colonel that it would be as well to send his
-sister off at once to meet Charlie there. He called Bee again
-accordingly from her room, where she had taken refuge, and instructed
-her in what he desired.</p>
-
-<p>“There is a train in an hour,” he said. “You had better get ready. I
-wish you to go home at once. Charlie will be there by this time, I have
-no doubt, and I should like you to let him know that if he is reasonable
-and drives all folly from his mind, and addresses himself at once to his
-preparation for the exam., he shall hear no more from me about the
-Oxford business. It depends upon himself whether it is ever alluded to
-again.”</p>
-
-<p>“Papa,” said Bee, faltering a little, “am I to go alone?”</p>
-
-<p>“Why shouldn’t you go alone? Are you afraid of getting into a cab at
-Paddington and driving to Victoria, the most ordinary everyday business?
-Why, I thought the girls of your period revolted against being
-protected, and were able to take care of themselves wherever they went?”</p>
-
-<p>Now Colonel Kingsward had always insisted on surrounding his daughters
-with quite unnecessary care, being, as he prided himself, on all
-questions in respect to women, of the old school.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, no,” said Bee, very tremulous, looking at him with eyes full of
-meaning, “I am not afraid.”</p>
-
-<p>“Then why do you make any fuss about it?” he said. “I shall stay behind
-for a few hours, perhaps for another night. I must see whether he has
-left any debts, and square accounts with the College, and&mdash;settle
-everything.” Bee was still looking at him with that troubled air of
-meaning, and he looked at her with a stern look, putting her down; but
-there was in his eyes a certain understanding of her meaning and a
-shrinking from her scrutiny all the same. “You have just time to get
-ready,” he said, pulling out his watch and holding it up to her. And Bee
-had nothing to do but to obey. It was not the drive from Paddington to
-Victoria, the change from one railway to another, which frightened her,
-though for a girl who had never done anything alone, that was not a
-pleasant thought; but the girl was deeply disturbed to leave her father
-there within the power of the woman whom more than ever she looked upon
-with terror as if she had been an embodied Fate. How ludicrous was the
-idea that a girl of twenty should be disturbed and anxious at the
-thought of leaving her father unprotected by her poor little
-guardianship&mdash;and such a father as Colonel Kingsward! Bee saw at once
-the folly and futility of such a notion, but she could not rid herself
-of the alarm. Her terror of this woman, now fully evident as the same
-who had wrecked her own life, was more than ever a superstitious panic.</p>
-
-<p>Bee’s mind was wholly possessed with this idea. She thought of the
-beautiful, dreadful lady in Christabel. She thought of that other
-shuddering image in the poem, of “the angel, beautiful and bright,” who
-looked the hero in the face; “And how he knew it was a fiend, that
-miserable knight&mdash;&mdash;” Aubrey had not known she was a fiend, nor Charlie;
-and now papa! What could such a woman do to papa? He was old (Bee
-thought) beyond the reach of the influences which had moved the others.
-What could Fate do to him? She asked herself this question in her great
-alarm, trying to beat down the terror in her bosom, and persuade herself
-that it was foolishness. But the more she thought the more her heart
-beat with fright and apprehension. It seemed to her, somehow, as if the
-former dangers had been nothing in comparison with this, although she
-did not know what it was that she feared.</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward walked with his daughter to the station, and he was
-very affable and kind to her, taking unusual pains to make her feel that
-there was nothing to fear. He selected carefully a carriage which was
-reserved for ladies, and put her into the charge of the guard, whom he
-desired to find a cab for her at Paddington, and look after her in every
-way. Nothing could be more fatherly, more thoughtful than he was; but
-all these precautions, instead of reassuring Bee, increased her
-sensation of danger. For the Colonel, though he had always insisted upon
-every precaution, had not been in the habit of personally seeing to the
-comfort of his children. She followed him with her eyes as he occupied
-himself with all these little cares, and explained to the guard what was
-to be done. And then he went to the bookstall and bought her illustrated
-papers and a book to amuse her on the journey, Bee watching all the time
-with growing wonder. She gave a hurried glance now and then around her,
-sweeping the station from one end to another, with a terror of seeing
-somewhere appear the woman who had brought such pain and trouble into
-her life&mdash;though this, too, was folly, as she was aware. And when at
-last the carriage door was closed, and the train almost in motion, Bee
-gave her father a last look, in which there were unutterable things. He
-had not met her eyes hitherto, whether by chance or precaution. But now
-he was off his guard and did so. Their looks encountered with a clash,
-as if they had been meeting swords, the same eyes, brilliant with that
-blue blaze, flashing like lightning. But it was the father’s fiery eyes
-which gave way. The girl’s look penetrated into his very being; his
-dropped, almost abashed. How did this strange change of position come
-about? It was anything but reassuring to Bee. It seemed to her as if
-already a new chapter of misery and dismay had opened in life, although
-her fears had taken no shape, and she could not tell what calamity was
-possible. The very vagueness made it all the more appalling to her
-inexperienced heart.</p>
-
-<p>As for Colonel Kingsward, he saw his little daughter go away with a
-relief which he felt to be ridiculous. That Bee’s looks should affect
-his movements one way or another was beyond measure absurd, and yet he
-was relieved that she was gone, and felt himself more at ease. He had a
-great many things to do&mdash;to settle his son’s accounts, to take his name
-off the college books, to wind up that early unsuccessful chapter of
-Charlie’s life. But he now felt very little real anger against
-Charlie&mdash;this shipwreck of his had suddenly introduced his father to
-what seemed a new view and new objects, which indeed he did not in any
-way define to himself, but of which he felt the stimulus with vague
-exhilaration to the bottom of his heart.</p>
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXXV" id="CHAPTER_XXXV"></a>CHAPTER XXXV.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">When</span> Charlie Kingsward fled from Oxford, half mad with disappointment
-and misery, he had no idea or intention about the future left in his
-mind. He had come to one of those strange passes in life beyond which
-the imagination does not go. He had been rejected with that deepest
-contumely which takes the aspect of the sweetest kindness, when a woman
-affects the most innocent suspicion at the climax to which, consciously
-or unconsciously, she has been working up.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, my poor boy, was that what you were thinking of?” There is no way
-in which a blow can be administered with such sharp and keen effect. It
-made the young man’s brain, which was only an ordinary brain, and for
-some time had exercised but small restraining power upon him in the
-hurry and sweep of his feelings, reel. When he pulled the door upon him
-of those gardens of Aminda, that fool’s paradise in which he had been
-wasting his youth, and which were represented in his case by a very
-ordinary suburban garden in that part of Oxford called the Parks, his
-rejected and disappointed passion had every possible auxiliary emotion
-to make it unbearable. Keen mortification, humiliation, the sharp sense
-of being mocked and deceived; the sudden conviction of having given what
-seemed to the half-maddened boy his whole life, for nothing whipped him
-like the lashes of the Furies. In most of the crises of life the thought
-what to do next occurs with almost the rapidity of lightning after a
-great catastrophe, but Charlie felt as if there was nothing beyond. The
-whole world had crumbled about him. There was no next step; his very
-fooling had failed him. He rushed back to his rooms by instinct, as a
-wounded creature would rush to its lair, but on his way was met by eager
-groups returning from the “Schools,” in which he ought to have been,
-discussing among each other the stiffness of the papers, and how they
-had been done. This would scarcely add to his pain, but it added to that
-sickening effort of absolute failure of the demolition of everything
-around and before him, which was what he felt the most. They made the
-impossible more impossible still, and cut off every retreat. When he
-stood in his room, amid all the useless books which he had not opened
-for days or weeks, and heard the others mounting the staircase outside
-his locked door, it seemed to the unhappy young man as though the floor
-under his feet was the last spot on which standing ground was possible,
-and that beyond and around there was nothing but chaos. For what reason
-and on what impulse he rushed to London it would be difficult to tell.
-He had little money, few friends&mdash;or rather none who were not also the
-friends of his family&mdash;no idea or intention of doing anything.</p>
-
-<p>“Perhaps the world will end to-night.”</p>
-
-<p>He did not even think so much as that, though perhaps it was in some
-sort the feeling in his mind. Yet no suggestions of suicide, or of
-anything that constitutes a moral suicide, occurred to him. These would
-have been something definite, they would have provided for a future, but
-Charlie was stupefied and had none. He had not so much sense of any
-resource as consisted in a pistol or a plunge into the river. He flung
-himself into the train and went to London, because after a time the
-sound of his comrades, or of those who ought to have been his comrades,
-became intolerable to him. They kept pacing, rushing up and down the
-staircase, calling to each other. One or two, indeed, talked at his own
-closed door, driving him into a silent frenzy. As soon as they were gone
-he seized a travelling bag, thrust something, he did not know what, into
-it, and fled&mdash;to the desert&mdash;to London, where he would be lost and no
-one would drive him frantic by calling to him, by making believe that
-there was something left in life.</p>
-
-<p>It occurred to him somehow, by force of that secondary consciousness
-which works for us when our minds are past all exertion, to fling
-himself into the corner of a third-class carriage as the place where he
-was least likely to meet anyone he knew, though indeed the precaution
-was scarcely necessary, since he could not have recognised anyone, as he
-sat huddled up in his corner, staring blankly at the landscape that flew
-past the window and seeing nothing. When he arrived in the midst of the
-din and bustle of the great railway station, he fled once more through
-the crowd into the greater crowd outside, clutching instinctively at the
-bag which lay beside him, but seeing no one, nor whither he went nor
-where he was going. He walked fast, and in a fierce unconsciousness
-pushing his way through everything, and though he had in reality no aim,
-took instinctively the way to his father’s house&mdash;his home&mdash;though it
-was at that time no home for him, being occupied by strangers. When he
-got into the park a vague recollection of this penetrated through the
-maze in which he was enveloped, and for a moment he paused, but then
-went on walking at the same pace, making the circuit of the park which
-lay before him in the mists of the afternoon, the frosty sun setting,
-the hay taking a rosy tint. He went all round the silences of the
-half-deserted walks, beginning to feel vaguely the strange desolate
-sentiment of not knowing where to go, though only in the secondary phase
-of his consciousness. Until all at once his strength seemed to fail him,
-his limbs grew feeble, his steps slow, and he stopped short,
-mechanically, as he had walked, not knowing why, and flung himself upon
-a bench, where he sat long, motionless, as if that had now become the
-only thing solid in the world and there was no step remaining to him
-beyond.</p>
-
-<p>A young man, though he may have numberless friends, may yet make a
-despairing transit like this from one place to another through the midst
-of a crowd without being seen by anyone who knows him; if the encounters
-of life are wonderful, the failures to encounter, the manner in which we
-walk alone with friends on all hands, and in our desperate moments, when
-help is most necessary, do not meet or come within sight of any, is
-equally wonderful. The Kingswards had a large circle of acquaintance,
-and Charlie himself had the numberless intimates of a public school boy,
-a young university man, acquainted with half the youth of his
-period&mdash;yet nobody saw him, except one to whom he would scarcely have
-accorded a salutation in ordinary circumstances. Aubrey Leigh, who had
-been so strangely and closely connected for a moment with the Kingsward
-family, and then so swiftly and peremptorily cut off, arrived in London
-from a short visit to a suburban house by the same train which brought
-Charlie, and caught sight of him as he jumped out of his compartment
-with his bag in his hand. A very cool, self-possessed, and trim young
-man young Kingsward had always appeared to the other, with whose
-brightest and at the same time most painful recollections his figure was
-so connected. To see him now suddenly, with that air of desperation
-which had triumphed over all his natural habits and laws, that
-abstracted look, clutching his bag, half leaping, half stumbling out of
-the carriage, going off at a swift, unconscious pace, pushing through
-every crowd, filled Aubrey with surprise which soon turned into anxiety.
-Charlie Kingsward, with a bag in his hand, rushing through the London
-streets conveyed an entirely new idea to the minds of the spectators.
-What such an arrival would have meant in ordinary circumstances would
-have been the rattling up of a hansom, the careless calling out of an
-address, the noisy progress over the stones, of the driver expectant of
-something more than his fare, and keenly cognisant of the habits of the
-young gentlemen from Oxford.</p>
-
-<p>Aubrey quickened his own pace to follow the other, whose arrival this
-time was in such different guise. A sudden terror seized his mind,
-naturally quite unjustified by the outward circumstances. Was anyone
-ill?&mdash;which meant, was Bee ill? Had anything dreadful happened? A
-moment’s reflection would have shown that in such a case the hansom
-would be more needed than usual, as conveying her brother the more
-quickly to his home. But Aubrey did not pause on probabilities. A moment
-more would have made him sure of the unlikelihood that Charlie would be
-sent for in case of Bee’s illness, unless, indeed, the question had been
-one of life and death.</p>
-
-<p>But he had not even heard of his love for many months. His heart was
-hungry for news of her, and in that case he would have done his best to
-intercept Charlie, to extract from him, if possible, some news of his
-sister. He followed, accordingly, with something of the same headlong
-haste with which Charlie was pushing through the streets, and for a long
-time, up to the gates of the park, indeed, kept him in sight. At the
-rate at which the young man was going it was impossible to do more.</p>
-
-<p>Then Aubrey suddenly lost sight of the figure he was pursuing. There was
-a group of people collected for some vulgar, unsupportable object or
-other at that point, and it was there that Charlie deflected from the
-straight road for home, which he had hitherto taken, and which his
-pursuer took it for granted he would follow for the rest of the way.
-When Aubrey had pushed his way through the little crowd Charlie was no
-longer visible. He looked to left and to right in vain, scrutinised the
-short cut over the park, and the broad road full of passing carriages
-and wayfarers, but saw no trace of the figure he sought. Aubrey then
-walked quickly to the point where Charlie, as he supposed, must be
-going, and soon came to the gate on the other side and the street itself
-in which the house of the Kingswards was. But he saw no sign of Charlie,
-nor of anyone looking for him. He himself had no acquaintance with that
-house, to which he had never been admitted, but he had passed it many
-times in the vain hope of seeing Bee at a window, not knowing that it
-was occupied by strangers. While he walked down the street, however,
-anxiously gazing to see if there were any signs of illness, asking
-himself whether he dared to inquire at the door, he saw a gentleman come
-up and enter with a latch key, who certainly did not belong to the
-Kingsward family. This changed the whole current of Aubrey’s thoughts.
-It was not here then that Charlie was coming. His rapid and wild walk
-could not mean any disaster to the family&mdash;any trouble to Bee.</p>
-
-<p>The discovery was at once a disappointment and a relief; a relief from
-the anxiety which had gradually been gaining upon him, a disappointment
-of the hope of hearing something of her. For if Charlie was not going
-home, who could trace out where such a young man might be going? To the
-dogs, Aubrey thought, instinctively; to the devil, to judge by his
-looks. Yet Charlie Kingsward, the most correct of modern young men, had
-surely in him no natural proclivity towards that facile descent. What
-could it be that had driven him along like a leaf before the wind?</p>
-
-<p>Aubrey was himself greatly disturbed and stirred up by this encounter.
-He had schooled himself to quiet, and the pangs of his overthrow, though
-not quenched, had been kept under with a strong hand. The life which he
-desired for himself, which he had so fully planned, so warmly hoped for,
-had been broken to pieces and made an end of, leaving the way he had
-chosen blank to him, as he thought, for evermore. He had been very
-unfortunate in that way, his early venture ending in bitter
-disappointment; his other, more wise, more sweet, cut off before it had
-ever been. But he was a reasonable being, and knew that life had to be
-put to other uses, even when that sole fair path which the heart desired
-was closed. He had given it up definitely, neither thinking nor hoping
-again for the household life, the patriarchal existence among his own
-fields, his own people, under his own roof, and was now doing his best
-to conform his life to a more grey and monotonous standard.</p>
-
-<p>But the sight of Charlie, or rather the sight of Bee’s brother,
-evidently under the influence of some strong feeling, and utterly
-carried away by it so as to ignore all that regard for appearance and
-decorum which had been his leading principle, came suddenly like a touch
-upon a wound, reviving all the questions and impatiences of the past.
-Aubrey felt that he could not endure the ignorance of her and all her
-ways which had fallen over him like a pall, cutting off her being from
-him as if they were not still living in the same world, still within
-reach of each other. He might endure, he said to himself, to be parted
-from her, to give up hope of her, since she willed it so&mdash;yet, at
-least, he must know something of her, find out if she were ill or well,
-what she was doing, where she was even; for that mere outside detail he
-did not know. How was it possible he should bear this&mdash;not even to know
-where she was? This thought took hold of him, and drove him into a fever
-of sudden feeling. Oh! yes; he had resigned himself to live without her,
-to endure his solitary existence far from her, since she willed it so;
-but not even to know where she was, how she was, what she was doing!</p>
-
-<p>Suddenly, in a moment, the fiery stinging came back, the sword plunged
-into the wound. He had not for a moment deluded himself with the idea
-that he was cured of it, but yet it had been subdued by necessity, by
-the very silence which now he felt to be intolerable. He went back into
-the park, where the long lines of the misty paths were now almost
-deserted, gleams of the lamps outside shining through the dark tracery
-of the branches, and all quiet except in the broad road, still sounding
-with a diminished stream of carriages. He dived into the intersections
-of the deserted paths, something as Charlie had done, seeking
-instinctively a silent place where he could be alone with the
-newly-aroused torment of his thoughts.</p>
-
-<p>When he came suddenly upon the bench upon which Charlie had flung
-himself, his first movement was to turn back. He had been walking over
-the grass, and his steps were consequently noiseless, and he was in the
-mood to which any human presence&mdash;the possible encounter of anyone who
-might speak to him and disturb his own hurrying passions&mdash;was
-intolerable. But as he turned, his eye fell on the bag&mdash;the dusty,
-half-empty thing still clutched by a hand that seemed more or less
-unconscious. This insignificant detail arrested Aubrey. He moved a
-little way, keeping on the grass, to get a fuller view of the
-half-reclining figure. And then he made out in the partial light that it
-was the same figure which he had pursued so long.</p>
-
-<p>What was Charlie doing here in this secluded spot&mdash;he, the most unlike
-any such retirement, the well-equipped, confident, prosperous young man
-of the world, subject to so few delusions, knowing his way so well, both
-in the outer and the inner world?</p>
-
-<p>Aubrey was more startled than tongue can tell. He thought no longer of
-family disaster, of illness, or trouble. Whatever was amiss, it was
-evidently Charlie who was the sufferer. He paused for a minute or more,
-reflecting what he should do. Then he stepped forward upon the gravel,
-and sitting down, put his hand suddenly upon that which held the
-half-filled bag.</p>
-
-<p>“Kingsward!” he said.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXXVI" id="CHAPTER_XXXVI"></a>CHAPTER XXXVI.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">Meanwhile</span> Colonel Kingsward had remained in Oxford. It was necessary
-that he should regulate all Charlie’s affairs, find out and pay what
-bills he had left, and formally sever his connection with the
-University. It is a thing which many fathers have had to do, with pain
-and sorrow, and a sense of premature failure, which is one of the
-bitterest things in life; but Colonel Kingsward had not this painful
-feeling to aggravate the annoyance and vexation which he actually felt.
-The fact that his son had been idle in the way of books, and was leaving
-Oxford without taking his degree, did not affect his mind much. Many
-young fellows did that, especially in the portion of the world to which
-Charlie belonged. The Colonel was irritated by having to interfere, by
-the trouble he was having, and the deviation from salutary routine, but
-he felt no humiliation either for himself or his son. And Charlie’s
-liabilities were not large, so far as he could discover. The fellow, at
-least, had no vices, he said to himself. Even the unsympathetic Don had
-nothing to say against him but that charge of idleness, which the
-Colonel rather liked than otherwise. Had he been able to say that it was
-his son’s social or even athletic successes which were the causes of the
-idleness he would have liked it altogether. He paid Charlie’s bills with
-a compensating consciousness that these were the last that would have to
-be paid at Oxford, and he was not even sorry that he could not get back
-to town by the last train. Indeed, I think he could have managed that
-very well had he tried. He remained for the second night with wonderful
-equanimity, finding, as a matter of course, a man he knew in the hotel,
-and dining not unpleasantly that day. Before he went back to town, he
-thought it only civil to go out to the Parks to return, as politeness
-demanded, the visit of the lady who had so kindly and courageously gone
-to see him, and from whom he had received the only explanation of
-Charlie’s strange behaviour. He went forth as soon as he had eaten an
-early luncheon, in order to be sure to find Miss Lance before she went
-out, and stopped only to throw a rapid glance in passing at a band of
-young ruffians&mdash;mud up to their eyes, and quite undistinguishable for
-the elegant undergraduates which some of them were&mdash;who were playing
-football in the Parks. The Colonel had, like most men, a warm interest
-in athletic sports, but his soldierly instincts disliked the mud. Miss
-Lance’s house was beyond that much broken up and down-trampled green. It
-was a house in a garden of the order brought into fashion by the late
-Randolph Caldecott, red with white “fixings” and pointed roof, and it
-bore triumphantly upon its little gate post the name of Wensleydale,
-Oxford Dons, and the inhabitants of that district generally, being fond
-of such extension titles. Colonel Kingsward unconsciously drew himself
-together, settled his head into his collar, and twisted his moustache,
-as he knocked at the door, and yet it was not an imposing door. It was
-opened, not by a solemn butler, but by a neat maid, who showed Colonel
-Kingsward into a trim drawing-room, very feminine and full of flowers
-and knick-knacks. Here he waited full five minutes before anyone
-appeared, looking about him with much curiosity, examining the little
-stands of books, the work-tables, the writing-tables, the corners for
-conversation. It was not a large room, and yet space had been found for
-two little centres of social intercourse. There were, therefore, the
-Colonel divined, two ladies who shared this abode. Colonel Kingsward had
-never been what is called a ladies’ man. The feminine element in life
-had been supplied to him in that subdued way naturally exhibited by a
-yielding and gentle wife in a house where the husband is supreme. He was
-quite unacquainted with it in its unalloyed state, and the spectacle
-amused and pleasantly affected him with a sense at once of superiority
-and of novelty. It was pleasant to see how these little known creatures
-arranged themselves in their own private dominion, where they had
-everything their own way, and the touch of the artificial which
-appeared in all these dainty particulars seemed appropriate and
-commended itself agreeably to the man who was accustomed to a broader
-and larger style of household economy. A man likes to see the difference
-well marked, at least a man who holds Colonel Kingsward’s ideas of life.
-He had gone so far as to note the “Laura” with a large and flowing “L”
-on the notepaper, which “L” was repeated on various pretty articles
-about. When the door opened and Miss Lance appeared, she came up to him
-holding out both her hands as to an old friend.</p>
-
-<p>“Will you forgive me for keeping you waiting, Colonel Kingsward? The
-fact is we have just come in, and you know that a woman has always a
-toilette to make, not like you lucky people who put on or put off a hat
-and all is done.”</p>
-
-<p>“I did not think you were likely to be out so early,” the Colonel said.</p>
-
-<p>“My friend has a son at Oriel,” replied Miss Lance. “He is a great
-football player as it happens, and we are bound to be present when he
-is playing; besides, the Parks are so near.”</p>
-
-<p>“I did not think it was a game that would interest you.”</p>
-
-<p>“It does not, except in so far that I am interested in everything that
-interests my surroundings. My friend goes into it with enthusiasm; she
-even believes that she understands what it is all about.”</p>
-
-<p>“It seems chiefly mud that is about,” said the Colonel, with a slight
-tone of disapproval, for it displeased him to think that a woman like
-this should go to a football match, and also it displeased him after his
-private amusement and reflections on the feminine character of the house
-to find, after all, a man connected with it, even if that man were only
-a boy.</p>
-
-<p>“Come,” said Miss Lance, indicating a certain chair, “sit down here by
-me, Colonel Kingsward, and let us not talk commonplaces any longer. You
-have been obliged to stay longer than you intended. I had been thinking
-of you as in London to-day.”</p>
-
-<p>“It was very kind to think of me at all.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, don’t say so&mdash;that is one of the commonplaces too. Of course, I
-have been thinking of you with a great deal of interest, and with some
-rather rebellious, undutiful sort of thoughts.”</p>
-
-<p>“What thoughts?” cried the Colonel, in surprise.</p>
-
-<p>“Well,” she said, “it is a great blessing, no doubt, to have
-children&mdash;to women, perhaps, an unalloyed blessing; and yet, you know,
-an unattached person like myself cannot help a grudge occasionally. Here
-are you, for instance, in the prime of life; your thoughts about
-everything matured, your reason more important to the world than any of
-the escapades of youth, and yet you are depleted from your own grave
-path in life; your mind occupied, your thoughts distracted; really your
-use to your country interrupted by&mdash;by what are called the cares of a
-family,” she concluded, with a short laugh.</p>
-
-<p>She spoke with much use of her hands in graceful movement that could
-scarcely be called gesticulation&mdash;clasping them together, spreading them
-out, making them emphasise everything. And they were very white and
-pretty hands, with a diamond on one, which sparkled at appropriate
-moments, and added its special emphasis too.</p>
-
-<p>The Colonel was flattered with this description of himself and his
-capacities.</p>
-
-<p>“There is great truth,” he said, “in what you say. I have felt it, but
-for a father at the head of a family to put forth such sentiments would
-shock many good people.”</p>
-
-<p>“Fortunately there are no good people here, and if there were I might
-still express them freely. It is a thing that strikes me every day. In
-feeble specimens it destroys the individuality; in strong characters
-like yourself&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“You do me too much honour, Miss Lance. My position, you are aware, is
-doubly unfortunate, for I have all upon my shoulders. Still, one must do
-one’s duty at whatever cost.”</p>
-
-<p>“That would be your feeling, of course,” said Miss Lance, with a sort of
-admiring and regretful expression. “For my part, I am the most dreadful
-rebel. I kick against duty. I think a man has a duty to himself. To
-stint a noble human being for the sake of nourishing some half-dozen
-secondary ones, is to me&mdash;&mdash; Oh, don’t let us talk of it! Tell me, dear
-Colonel Kingsward, have you got everything satisfactorily settled, and
-heard of the arrival&mdash;&mdash;? Oh,” she cried, clasping those white hands,
-“how can I sit here calmly and ask, seeing that I have a share in
-causing all this trouble&mdash;though, heaven knows, how unintentionally on
-my part!”</p>
-
-<p>“Don’t say so,” said the Colonel, putting his hands for a second on
-those clasped white hands. “I am sure that you can have done nothing but
-good to my foolish boy. To be admitted here at all was too much honour.”</p>
-
-<p>“I shall never be able to take an interest in anyone again,” she said,
-drooping her head. “It is so strange, so strange to have one’s motives
-misunderstood, but you don’t do so. I am so thankful I had the courage
-to go to you. My friend dissuaded me strongly from taking such a step.
-She said that a parent would naturally blame anyone rather than his own
-son&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“My dear Miss Lance, who could blame you? I don’t know,” said the
-Colonel, “that I blame poor Charlie so much either. To be much in your
-company might well be dangerous for any man.”</p>
-
-<p>“You must not speak so&mdash;indeed, indeed, you must not! I feel more and
-more ashamed! When a woman comes to a certain age&mdash;and has no children
-of her own. Surely, surely&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Come!” he cried. “You said a parent’s cares destroyed one’s
-individuality&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Not with a woman. What individuality has a woman? The only use of her
-is to sink that pride in a better&mdash;the pride of being of some use. What
-I regretted was for you&mdash;and such as you&mdash;if there are enough of such to
-make a class&mdash;. Yes, yes,” she added, looking up, “I acknowledge the
-inconsistency. I have not sense enough to see the pity of it in all
-cases&mdash;but my real principle, my deep belief is that to draw a man like
-you away from your career, to trouble and distress you about others, who
-are not of half your value&mdash;is a thing that ought to be prevented by Act
-of Parliament,” she cried, breaking off with a laugh. “But you have not
-told me yet how everything has finished,” she added, in a confidential
-low tone, after a pause.</p>
-
-<p>Then he told her in some detail what he had done. It was delightful to
-tell her, a woman so sympathising, so quick to understand, with that
-approving, consoling, remonstrating action of her white hands which
-seemed at the same moment to applaud and deprecate, with a constant
-inference that he was too good, that really he ought not to be so good.
-She laughed at his description of the Don, adding a graphic touch or two
-to make the picture more perfect&mdash;till Colonel Kingsward was surprised
-at himself to think how cleverly he had done it, and was delighted with
-his own success. This gave a slightly comic character to his other
-sketches of poor Charlie’s tradesmen, and scout, and an unutterable cad
-of a young fellow who had met the Colonel leaving the college and had
-told him of a small sum which Charlie owed him.</p>
-
-<p>“The little beast!” the Colonel said.</p>
-
-<p>“Worse!” cried Miss Lance, “I would not slander any gentlemanly dog by
-calling him of the same species.”</p>
-
-<p>Altogether, her interest and sympathy changed this not particularly
-lively occasion into one of the brightest moments of Colonel
-Kingsward’s life. He had not been used to a woman so clever, who took
-him up at half a word, and enhanced the interest of everything. Had he
-been asked, indeed, he would have said that he did not like clever
-women. But then Miss Lance had other qualities. She was very handsome,
-and she had an evident and undisguised admiration for him. She was so
-very frank and sure of her position as a woman of a certain age&mdash;a
-qualification which she appropriated to herself constantly, though most
-women thought it an insult&mdash;that she did not find it needful to conceal
-that admiration. When he thanked her for her kindness for the patient
-hearing of all his story, and the interest she had shown, to which he
-had so little claim, Miss Lance smiled and held out those white hands.</p>
-
-<p>“I assure you,” she said, “the benefit is all on my side. Living here
-among very young men, you must think what it is to talk to, to be
-treated confidentially, by a man like yourself. It is like a glance into
-another life.” She sighed, and added, “The young are delightful. I am
-very fond of young people. Still, to meet now and then with someone of
-one’s own age, of one’s own species, if I may say so&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“You do me too much honour,” said Colonel Kingsward, feeling with a
-curious elation, how superior he was. She went with him to the garden
-gate, not afraid of the wintry air, showing no sense of the chill, and
-though she had given him her hand before, offered it again with the
-sweetest friendliness.</p>
-
-<p>“And you promised,” she said, looking in his face while he held it,
-“that you would send me one line when you got home, to tell me how you
-find him&mdash;and that all is well&mdash;and forgiven.”</p>
-
-<p>“I shall be too happy to be permitted to write,” Colonel Kingsward said.</p>
-
-<p>“Forgiven,” she said, “and forgotten!” holding up a finger of the other
-hand, the hand with the diamond. She stood for a moment watching while
-he closed the low gate, and then, waving her hand to him, turned away.
-Colonel Kingsward had never been a finer fellow, in his own estimation,
-than when he walked slowly off from that closed door.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXXVII" id="CHAPTER_XXXVII"></a>CHAPTER XXXVII.</h2>
-
-<p>I <span class="smcap">will</span> not repeat the often described scene of anxiety which existed in
-Kingswarden for some time after. Colonel Kingsward returned, as Bee had
-done, to find that nothing had been seen or heard of Charlie, whom both
-had expected to find defiant and wretched at home. It is astonishing how
-quickly in such circumstances the tables are turned, and the young
-culprit&mdash;whom parents and friends have been ready to crush the moment he
-appears with well-deserved rebuke&mdash;becomes, when he does not appear, the
-object of the most eager appeals; forgiveness, and advantages of every
-kind all ready to greet him if only he will come back. The girls were
-frightened beyond description by their brother’s disappearance, and
-conjured up every dreadful image of disaster and misery. They thought of
-Charlie in his despair going off to the ends of the earth and never
-being seen more. They thought of him as in some wretched condition on
-shipboard, sick and miserable, reduced to dreadful work and still more
-dreadful privations, he who had lain in the lilies and fed on the roses
-of life. They thought of him, Colonel Kingsward’s son, enlisted as a
-private soldier, in a crowded barrack-room. They thought of him
-wandering about the street, cold, perhaps hungry, without a shelter. The
-most dreadful images came before their inexperienced eyes. The old aunt
-who was their companion told them dreadful stories of family prodigals
-who disappeared and were never heard of again, and terror took hold of
-the girls’ minds.</p>
-
-<p>Their constant walk was to the station, with the idea that he might
-perhaps come as far as the village, and that there his heart might fail
-him. Except for that melancholy indulgence, they would not be out of the
-house at any time together, lest at that moment Charlie might arrive,
-and no one be there to welcome him. There was always one who ran to the
-door at every sound, scandalising the servant, who could never get there
-so fast but one of the young ladies was before him. They had endless
-conversations and consultations on the subject, forming a hundred plans
-as to how they should go forth into the world to seek for him, all
-rendered abortive by the reflection that they knew not where to go. Bee
-and Betty were very unhappy during these lingering, chilly days of early
-spring. The tranquillity of the family life seemed to be destroyed in a
-moment. Where was Charlie? Was there any news of Charlie? This was the
-question that filled their minds day and night.</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward was not less affectionate, but he was more practical
-and experienced. He knew that now and then it does happen that a young
-man disappears, sinks under the stream, and goes, as people say, to the
-dogs, and is heard of no more&mdash;or, at least, only in a shipwrecked
-condition, the shame and trouble of his friends. It did not seem to him,
-at first, that there could be any such danger for his son. He
-anticipated nothing more than a few days’ sullenness, perhaps in some
-friend’s house, who would make cautious overtures and intercede for the
-rebellious but shame-stricken boy. When, however, the time passed on,
-and a longer interval than any judicious friend would permit had
-elapsed, a deep anxiety arose also in Colonel Kingsward’s mind. The
-<i>esclandre</i> of an Oxford failure did not trouble him much, but, in view
-of Charlie’s future career, he could not employ detectives, or advertise
-in the papers, or take any steps which might lead to a paragraph as to
-the anxiety of a distinguished family on account of a son who had
-disappeared. Colonel Kingsward might not be a very tender parent, but he
-was fully alive to the advantage of his children, and would allow no
-stigma to be attached to them which he could prevent. He went a great
-deal about London in these days, going into many a spot where a man of
-his dignity was out of place, with an anxious and troubled eye upon the
-crowds of young men, the familiars of these confused regions, among
-whom, however, no trace was to be found of his son.</p>
-
-<p>Nobody ever knew how much the Colonel undertook, in how many strange
-scenes he found himself, or half of what he really did to recover
-Charlie, and save him from the consequences of his folly. The most
-devoted father could scarcely have done more, and his mind was almost as
-full of the prodigal as were the minds of the girls, who thought of so
-many grievous dangers, yet did not think of those that filled their
-father’s mind. Colonel Kingsward went about everywhere, groping, saying
-not a word to betray his ignorance of Charlie’s whereabouts. To those
-who had any right to know his family affairs, he explained that he had
-decided not to press Charlie to undergo any examination beyond what was
-necessary, that he had given up the thought of taking his degree, and
-was studying modern languages and international law, which were so much
-more likely to be useful to him. “He is a steady fellow&mdash;he has no
-vices,” he said, “and I think it is wise to let him have his head.”
-Colonel Kingsward was by nature a despotic man, and his friends were
-very glad to hear that he was, in respect to Charlie, so amiable&mdash;they
-said to each other that his wife’s death had softened Kingsward, and
-what a good thing it was that he was behaving so judiciously about his
-son.</p>
-
-<p>A pause like this in the life of a family&mdash;a period of darkness in which
-the life of one of its members is suspended, interrupted, as it were, in
-mid career, cut off, yet not with that touch of death which stills all
-anxieties&mdash;is always a difficult and miserable one. Some, and the number
-increases of these uncontrolled persons, cry out to earth and heaven,
-and make the lapse public and set all the world talking of their
-affairs. But Colonel Kingsward sternly put down even the tears of his
-young daughters.</p>
-
-<p>“If you cannot keep a watch over yourselves before the servants, you had
-better leave the house,” he said, all the more stern to them that he was
-soft to Charlie; but indeed it was not so much that he was soft to
-Charlie as that he was concerned and anxious about Charlie’s career.</p>
-
-<p>“Betty, I suppose, can go back to the Lyons’ in Portman Square, and
-Bee&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“If you think that I can go visiting, papa, and no one with the
-children, and poor Charlie&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“I think&mdash;and, indeed, I know, that you can and will do what I think
-best for you,” said Colonel Kingsward.</p>
-
-<p>Bee looked up at him quickly and met her father’s eyes. The two looked
-at each other suspiciously, almost fiercely. Bee saw in her father’s
-look possibilities and dangers as yet undeveloped, mysteries which she
-divined and feared, yet neither could nor would have put into words,
-while he looked at her divining her divinations, defying unconsciously
-the suspicion which he could not have expressed any more than she.</p>
-
-<p>“Let it be understood once for all,” he said, “that the children have
-their nurses and governess, and that your presence is by no means
-indispensable to them. You are their eldest sister, you are not the
-mistress of the house. Nothing will happen to the children. In
-considering what is best for you&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Papa!” cried Bee, almost fiercely; but she did not pour out upon him
-that bitterness which had been collecting in her heart. She paused in
-time; but then added, “I have not asked you to consider what was best
-for me.”</p>
-
-<p>“That is enough to show that it is time for me to consider it,” he said.</p>
-
-<p>And then, once more their looks met, and clashed like the encounter of
-two armies. What did she suspect? What did he intend? They both breathed
-short, as if with the impulse of battle, but neither, even to
-themselves, could have answered that question. Colonel Kingsward cried
-“Take care, Bee!” as he went away, a by no means happy man, to his
-library, while she threw herself down upon a sofa, and&mdash;inevitable
-result in a girl of any such rising of passion&mdash;burst into tears.</p>
-
-<p>“Bee,” said the sensible Betty, “you ought not to speak like that to
-papa.”</p>
-
-<p>“I ought to be thankful that he has considered what was best for me, and
-spoilt my life!” cried Bee, through her tears. “Oh, it is very easy for
-you to speak. You are to go to the Lyons’, where you wish to go&mdash;to be
-free of all anxiety&mdash;for what is Charlie to you but only your brother,
-and you know that you can’t do him any good by making yourself miserable
-about him? And you will see Gerald Lyon, who is doing well at
-Cambridge, and listen to all the talk about him, and smile, and not hate
-him for being so smug and prosperous, while poor Charlie&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“How unjust you are!” cried Betty, growing red and then pale. “It is not
-Gerald Lyon’s fault that Charlie has not done well&mdash;even if I cared
-anything for Gerald Lyon.”</p>
-
-<p>“It is you who ought to take care,” said Bee, “if papa thinks it
-necessary to consider what is best for you.”</p>
-
-<p>“There is nothing to consider,” said Betty, with a little movement of
-her hands.</p>
-
-<p>“But it can never be so bad for you,” said Bee, with a tone of regret.
-“Never! To think that my life should be ruined and all ended for the
-sake of a woman&mdash;a woman&mdash;who has now ruined Charlie, and whom papa&mdash;oh,
-papa!” she cried, with a tone indescribable of exasperation and scorn
-and contempt.</p>
-
-<p>“What is it about papa? You look at each other, you and he, like two
-tigers. You have got the same dreadful eyes. Yes, they are dreadful
-eyes; they give out fire. I wonder often that they don’t make a noise
-like an explosion. And Bee, you said yourself that there was something
-else. You never would have given in to papa, but there was something of
-your own that parted you from Aubrey&mdash;for ever. You said so, Bee&mdash;when
-his mother&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Is there any need for bringing in any gentleman’s name?” cried Bee,
-with the dignity of a dowager. And then, ignoring her own rule, she
-burst forth, “What I have got against him is nothing to anyone&mdash;but that
-Aubrey Leigh should be insulted and rejected and turned away from our
-door, and that my heart should be broken because of a woman whom papa
-and Charlie&mdash;whom papa&mdash;&mdash;! He writes to her, and she writes to him&mdash;he
-tells her everything&mdash;he consults her about us, us, my mother’s
-children! And yet it was on her account that Aubrey Leigh was turned
-from the door&mdash;&mdash; Oh, if you think I can bear that, you must think me
-more than flesh and blood!” Bee cried, the tears adding to the fire and
-sparkle of her blazing eyes.</p>
-
-<p>“It isn’t very nice,” said little Betty, sagely, “but I am not so sure
-that it was her fault, for if you had stuck to Aubrey as you meant to do
-at first, your heart would not have been broken, and if Charlie had not
-been very silly, a person of that age could not have done him any harm;
-and then papa&mdash;&mdash;. What can she do to papa? I suppose he thinks as she
-is old he may write to her as a friend and ask her advice. There is not
-any harm that I can see in that.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee was too much agitated to make any reply to this. She resumed again,
-after a pause, as if Betty had not spoken: “He writes to her, and she
-writes to him, just as she did to Charlie, for I have seen them
-both&mdash;long letters, with that ridiculous “Laura,” and a big L, as if she
-were a girl. You can see them, if you like, at breakfast, when he reads
-them instead of his papers, and smiles to himself when he is reading
-them, and looks&mdash;ridiculous”&mdash;cried Bee, in her indignation.
-“Ridiculous! as if he were young too; a man who is father of all of us;
-and not much more than a year ago&mdash;. Oh, if I were not to speak I think
-the very trees would, and the bushes in the shrubbery! It is more than
-anyone can bear.”</p>
-
-<p>“You are making up a story,” said Betty, wonderingly. “I don’t know what
-you mean.” Then she cried, carrying the war into the enemy’s country,
-“Oh, Bee, if you had not given him up, if you had been faithful to
-him!&mdash;now we should have had somebody to consult with, somebody that
-could have gone and looked for poor Charlie; for we are only two girls,
-and what can we do?”</p>
-
-<p>Bee did not make any reply, but looked at her sister with startled eyes.</p>
-
-<p>“Mamma was never against Aubrey Leigh,” said Betty, pursuing her
-advantage. “She never would have wished you to give him up. And it is
-all your own doing, not papa’s doing, or anyone’s. If I had ever cared
-for him I never, never should have given him up; and then we should have
-had as good as another brother, that could have gone into the world and
-hunted everywhere and brought Charlie home.”</p>
-
-<p>The argument was taken up at hazard, a chance arrow lying in the young
-combatant’s way, without intention&mdash;but it went straight to its mark.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXXVIII" id="CHAPTER_XXXVIII"></a>CHAPTER XXXVIII.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">The</span> house that had been so peaceful was thus full of agitation and
-disturbance, the household, anxious and alarmed, turning their weapons
-upon each other, to relieve a little the gnawing of that suspense which
-they were so unaccustomed to bear. It was true what Bee’s keen and
-sharply aroused observation had convinced her, that Colonel Kingsward
-was in correspondence with Miss Lance, and that her letters were very
-welcome to him, and read with great interest. He threw down the paper
-after he had made a rush through its contents, and read eagerly the long
-sheets of paper, upon which the great L, stamped at the head of every
-page, could be read on the other side of the table. How did that woman
-know the days he was to be at home, that her letters should always come
-on those mornings and never at any other time? Bee almost forgot her
-troubles, those of the family in respect to Charlie, and those which
-were her very own, in her passionate hatred and distrust of the new
-correspondent to whom Colonel Kingsward, like his son, had opened his
-heart.</p>
-
-<p>He was not, naturally, a man given to correspondence. His letters to his
-wife, in those days which now seemed so distant, had been models of
-concise writing. His opinions, or rather verdicts, upon things great and
-small had been conveyed in terse sentences, very much to the purpose;
-deliverances not of his way of thinking, but of the unalterable dogmas
-that were to rule the family life; and her replies, though diffuse, were
-always more or less regulated by her consciousness of the little time
-there would be given to them, and the necessity of making every
-explanation as brief as possible&mdash;not to worry papa, who had so much to
-do.</p>
-
-<p>Why it was that he found the long letters, which he read with a certain
-defiant pride in the presence of his daughters at the breakfast table,
-so agreeable, it would be difficult to tell. They were very carefully
-adapted to please him, it is true; and they were what are called clever
-letters&mdash;such letters as clever women write, with a <i>faux air</i> of
-brilliancy which deceives both the writer and the recipient, making the
-one feel herself a Sevigné and the other a hero worthy the exercise of
-such powers. And there was something very novel in this sudden inroad of
-sentimental romance into an existence never either sentimental or
-romantic, which had fallen into the familiar calm of family life so long
-ago with a wife, who though sweet and fair enough to delight any man,
-had become in reality only the chief of his vassals, following every
-indication of his will, when not eagerly watching an opportunity of
-anticipating his wishes. His new friend treated the Colonel in a very
-different way. She expounded her views of life with all the adroitness
-of a mind experienced in the treatment of those philosophies which touch
-the questions of sex, the differences between a man’s and a woman’s
-view, the sentiment which can be carried into the most simple subjects.
-There is nothing that can give more entertaining play of argument, or
-piquancy of intercourse, than this mode of correspondence when cleverly
-carried out, and Miss Laura Lance was a mistress of all its methods. It
-was all entirely new to Colonel Kingsward. He was as much enchanted with
-it as his son had been, and thought the writer as brilliant, as
-original, as poor Charlie had done, who had no way of knowing better.
-The Colonel’s head, which generally had been occupied by professional or
-public matters&mdash;by the intrigues of the service or the incompetencies of
-the Department&mdash;now found a much more interesting private subject of
-thought. He was a man full of anxiety and annoyance at this particular
-crisis of his career, and his correspondent was by way of sharing his
-anxiety to the utmost and even blaming herself as the cause of it; yet
-she contrived to amuse him, to bring a smile, to touch a lighter key, to
-relieve the tension of his mind from time to time, without ever allowing
-him to feel that the chief subject of their correspondence was out of
-her thoughts. He got no relief of this description at home, where the
-girls’ anxious questions about Charlie, their eagerness to know what had
-been done, seemed to upbraid him with indifference, as if he were not
-doing everything that was possible. Miss Lance knew better the dangers
-that were being run, the real difficulties of the case, than these
-inexperienced chits of children; but she knew also that a man’s mind
-requires relief, and that, in point of fact, the Colonel’s health,
-strength and comfort, were of more importance than many Charlie’s. This
-was a thing that had to be understood, not said, and the Colonel indeed
-was as anxious and concerned about Charlie as it was almost possible to
-be. He did not form dreadful pictures as Bee and Betty did of what the
-boy might be suffering. The boy deserved to suffer, and this
-consideration, had he dwelt upon it, would have afforded a certain
-satisfaction. But what did make him wretched was the fear of any
-exposure, the mention in public of anything that might injure his son’s
-career. An opportunity was already dawning of getting him an
-appointment upon which the Colonel had long kept his eye, and which
-would be of double importance at present as sending him out of the
-country and into new scenes. But of what use were all a father’s careful
-arrangements if they were thus balked by the perversity of the boy?</p>
-
-<p>Things were still in this painful suspense when Miss Lance announced to
-Colonel Kingsward her arrival in town. She described to him how it was
-that she was coming.</p>
-
-<p>“My friend is absent with her son till after Easter, and I am understood
-to be fond of town, and am coming to spend a week or two to see the
-first of the season, the pictures, &amp;c., as well as a few friends whom I
-still keep up, the relics of brighter and younger days&mdash;this is the
-reason I give, but you will easily understand, dear Colonel Kingsward,
-that there is another reason far more near to my heart. Your poor boy!
-Or may I for once say our poor boy? For you are aware that I have never
-ceased to upbraid myself for what has happened, and that I shall always
-bear a mother’s heart to Charlie, dear fellow, to whom, in wishing him
-nothing but good, I have been so unfortunate as to do such dreadful
-wrong. Every word you say about your hopes for him, and the great chance
-which he is so likely to miss, cuts me to the heart. And it has occurred
-to me that there are some places in which he may have been heard of, to
-which I could myself go, or where I might take you if you wished, which
-you would not yourself be likely to know. I wish I had thought of them
-before. I come up now full of hope that we may hear something and find a
-reliable clue. I shall be in George Street, Hanover Square, a place
-which is luckily in the way for everything. Please come and see me. I
-hope you will not think I am presuming in endeavouring to solve a
-difficulty for which I am, alas, alas! partially to blame. To assure me
-of this at least if no more, come, do come to see me to-morrow, Tuesday
-afternoon. I shall do nothing till I have your approval.”</p>
-
-<p>This letter had an exciting effect upon the Colonel, more than anything
-he had known for years. He held it before him, yielding himself up to
-this pleasurable sensation for some minutes after he had read it. The
-Easter recess had left London empty, and he had been deprived of some of
-the ordinary social solaces which, though they increased the difficulty
-of keeping his son’s disappearance a secret, still broke the blank of
-his suspense and made existence possible. Hard to bear was the point
-blank shock which he had sometimes received, as when an indiscreet but
-influential friend suddenly burst upon him, “I don’t see your son’s name
-in the Oxford lists, Kingsward.” “No,” the Colonel had replied, with a
-countenance from which all expression had been dismissed, “we thought it
-better that he should keep to his special studies.” “Quite right, quite
-right,” answered that great official, for what is a mere degree to F.
-O.? Even to have such things as this said to him, with the chance of
-putting in a response, was better than the stagnation, in which a man is
-so apt to feel that all kinds of whispers are circulating in respect to
-the one matter which it is his interest to conceal.</p>
-
-<p>And his heart, though it was a middle-aged, and no longer nimble organ
-given to leaping, jumped up in his breast when he read his letter. There
-was the possible clue which it was good to hear of&mdash;and there was the
-listener to whom he could tell everything, who took such an entire and
-flattering share in his anxieties, with whom there was no need to invent
-excuses, or to conceal anything. Perhaps there were other reasons, too,
-which he did not put into words. The image which had dazzled him at
-Oxford rose again before his eyes. It was an image which had already
-often visited him. One of the handsomest women he had ever seen, and so
-flattering, so confidential, so deeply impressed by himself, so candid
-and anxious to blame herself, to place herself in his hands. He went
-back to town with agreeable instead of painful anticipations. To share
-one’s cares is always an alleviation&mdash;to be able openly to take a
-friend’s advice. The girls, to whom alone he could be perfectly open on
-this matter, were such little fools that he had ceased to discuss it
-with them, if, indeed, he had ever discussed it. And to nobody else
-could he speak on the subject at all. The opportunity of pouring forth
-all his speculations and alarms, of hearing the suggestions of another
-mind&mdash;and such a mind as hers&mdash;of finding a new clue, was balm to his
-angry, annoyed and excited spirit. There were other douceurs involved,
-which were not absent from his thoughts. The pleasure of the woman’s
-society, who was so flatteringly pleased with his, her mature beauty,
-which had so much attraction in it, the look of her eyes, which said
-more than words, the touch&mdash;laid upon his for a moment with so much
-eloquent expression, appeal, sympathy, consolation, provocation&mdash;of her
-beautiful hands. All this was in the Colonel’s mind. He had scarcely
-known what was the touch of a woman’s hand, at least in this way, during
-the course of his long, calm domestic life. He had been very fond of his
-wife, of course, and very tender, as well as he knew how, during her
-illness, though entirely unconscious of how much he demanded from her
-even in the course of that illness. But this was utterly different,
-apart from everything he had ever known. Friendship&mdash;that friendship
-between man and woman which has been the subject of so much sentimental
-controversy. Somebody whom Miss Lance had quoted to him, some great man
-in Oxford, had said it was the only real friendship; many others,
-amongst whom Colonel Kingsward himself had figured when at any moment so
-ridiculous an argument had crossed his path, denounced it as a mere
-unfounded fiction to conceal other sentiments. Dolts! It was the Oxford
-great man who was in the right of it. The only friendship!&mdash;with
-sweetness in it which no man could give, a more entire confidence, a
-more complete sympathy. He knew that he could say things to Laura&mdash;Miss
-Lance&mdash;which he could say to no man, and that a look from her eyes would
-do more to strengthen him than oceans of kind words from lips which
-would address him as “old fellow.” He had her image before him all the
-time as he went up in the train; it went with him into the decorous
-dulness of his office, and when he left his work an hour earlier than
-usual his steps were as light as a young man’s. He had not felt so much
-exhilaration of spirit since&mdash;&mdash;; but he could scarcely go back to a
-date on which his bosom’s lord had sat so lightly on his throne. Truth
-to tell, Colonel Kingsward had fallen on evil days. Even the course of
-his ordinary existence, when he had gone through life with his pretty
-wife by his side, dining out constantly, going everywhere, though
-enjoyable in its way, and with the satisfaction of keeping up to the
-right mark, had not been exciting. She no doubt told for a great deal in
-his happiness, but there were no risks, no excitements, and not as much
-as the smart of an occasional quarrel between them. He had known what to
-expect of her in every emergency; there was nothing novel to be looked
-for, no unaccustomed flavour in anything she was likely to do or say. He
-did not make this comparison consciously, for indeed there was no
-comparison at all between his late wife (he called her so already in his
-mind) and Miss Lance&mdash;not the slightest comparison! The latter was a far
-more piquant thing&mdash;a friend&mdash;and the most delightful friend, surely,
-that ever man had!</p>
-
-<p>He found her in a little drawing-room on the first floor of what looked
-very much like an ordinary London lodging-house; but within it had
-changed its character completely, and had become, though in a different,
-more subtle way than that of the drawing-room in Oxford, the bower of
-Laura, a special habitation marked with her very name, like the
-notepaper on her table. He could not for the first moment avoid a
-bewildering idea that it was the same room in which he had seen her in
-Oxford transported thither. There seemed the same pictures on the walls,
-the same writing-table, or at least one arranged in precisely the same
-way, the same chairs placed two together for conversation. What a
-wonderful creature she was, thus to put the stamp of her own being upon
-everything she touched. Once more he had to wait for a minute or two
-before she came, but she made no apology for her delay. She came in with
-her hand extended, with an air of sympathy yet satisfaction at the sight
-of him which went to Colonel Kingsward’s heart. If she had been sorry
-only it would have displeased him, as showing a mind occupied wholly
-with Charlie, but the delicate mingling of pleasure with concern was
-exactly what the Colonel felt to be most fit.</p>
-
-<p>“I am so glad to see you,” she said. “How kind of you to come so soon,
-to pay such prompt attention to my wish.”</p>
-
-<p>“Considering that it was my own wish,” he said, “and what I desired
-most, I should say how good of you to come, but I can’t venture to hope
-that it was entirely for me.”</p>
-
-<p>“It was very much for you, Colonel Kingsward. You know what blame I take
-to myself for all that has happened. And I think, perhaps, I may have it
-in my power to make some inquiries that would not suggest themselves.
-But we must talk of this after. In the meantime, I can’t but think first
-of you. What an ordeal for you&mdash;what weary work! But what a pull over us
-you men have! You keep your great spirit and command over yourself
-through everything, while, whatever little trouble we may have, it shows
-immediately. Oh,” said Miss Lance, clasping her hands, “a calm strong
-man is a sight which it elevates one only to see.”</p>
-
-<p>“You give me far too much credit. One is obliged to keep a good face to
-the world. I don’t approve of people who wash their dirty linen in
-public.”</p>
-
-<p>“Don’t try to make yourself little with all this commonplace reasoning.
-You need not explain yourself to me, dear Colonel Kingsward. I flatter
-myself that I have the gift of understanding, if nothing else.”</p>
-
-<p>“A great many things else,” he said; “and indeed my keeping up in this
-emergency has been greatly helped by your great friendship and moral
-support. I don’t know what you have done to this room,” he added,
-changing the theme quickly, “did you bring it with you? It is not a mere
-room in London&mdash;it is your room. I should have known it among a
-thousand.”</p>
-
-<p>“What a delightful compliment,” she said. “I am so glad you think so,
-for it is one of the things I pride myself on. I think I can always make
-even a lodging-house look a bit like home.”</p>
-
-<p>“It looks like you,” he repeated. “I don’t notice such matters much, but
-no one could help seeing. And I hope you are to be here for some time,
-and that if I can be of any use&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh! Colonel Kingsward, don’t hold out such flattering hopes. You of
-use! Of course, to a lone woman in town you would be far more than of
-use&mdash;you would simply be a tower of strength. But I do not come here to
-make use of you. I come&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“You could not give me greater pleasure than by making use of me. I am
-not going much into society, my house is not open&mdash;my girls are too
-young to take the responsibilities of a season upon themselves; but
-anything that a single individual can do to be of service&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Your dear girls&mdash;how I should like to see them, to be able to take them
-about a little, to make up to those poor children as far as a stranger
-could! But I can scarcely hope that you would trust them to me after the
-trouble I have helped to bring on you all. Dear Colonel Kingsward, your
-chivalrous offer will make all the difference in my life. If you will
-give me your arm sometimes, on a rare occasion&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“As often as you please&mdash;and the oftener the more it will please me,” he
-cried, in tones full of warmth and eagerness. Miss Lance raised her
-grateful eyes to him full of unspeakable things. She made no further
-reply except by one of those light touches upon his arm less than
-momentary, if that were possible, like the brush of a wing, or an
-ethereal contact of ideas.</p>
-
-<p>And then she said gravely, “Now about that poor, dear boy; we must find
-him, oh, we must find him. I have thought of several places where he may
-have been seen. Do you know that I met him once by chance in town last
-year? It was at the Academy, where I was with some artist friends. I
-introduced him to them, and you know there is great freedom among them,
-and they have a great charm for young men. I think some of them may have
-seen him. I have put myself in communication with them.”</p>
-
-<p>“I would not for a moment,” said the Colonel, somewhat stiffly, “consent
-to burden you with inquiries of this kind!”</p>
-
-<p>“You do not think,” she said, sweetly, “that I would do anything, or say
-anything to compromise him or you?”</p>
-
-<p>The Colonel looked at her with the strangest sudden irritation. “I was
-not thinking either of him or myself. Why should you receive men, who
-must be entirely out of your way, for our sakes?”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh,” she said, with a soft laugh, “you are afraid that I may compromise
-myself.” She rose with an unspoken impulse, which made him rise also, in
-spite of himself, with a feeling of unutterable downfall, and the sense
-of being dismissed. “Don’t be afraid for me, Colonel Kingsward, I beg. I
-shall not compromise anyone.” Then she turned with a sudden illumination
-of a smile. “Come back and see me to-morrow, and you shall hear what I
-have found out.”</p>
-
-<p>And he went away humbly, relieved yet mortified, not holding his head as
-high as when he came, but already longing for to-morrow, when he might
-come back.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXXIX" id="CHAPTER_XXXIX"></a>CHAPTER XXXIX.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">Colonel Kingsward</span> had been flattered, he had been pleased. He had felt
-himself for a moment one of the exceptional men in whom women find an
-irresistible attraction, and then he had been put down and dismissed
-with the calmest decision, with a peremptoriness which nobody in his
-life had ever used to him. All these sweetnesses, and then to be, as it
-were, huddled out of doors the moment he said a word which was not
-satisfactory to that imperial person! He could not get it out of his
-mind during the evening nor all the night through, during which it
-occurred to him whenever he woke, as a prevailing thought does. And he
-had been right, too. To send for men, any kind of men, artists whom she
-herself described as having so much freedom in their ways, and have
-interviews with them, was a thing to which he had a good right to
-object. That is, her friend had a right to object to it&mdash;her friend who
-took the deepest interest in her and all that she was doing. That it was
-for Charlie’s advantage made really no difference. This gave a beautiful
-and admirable motive, but then all her motives were beautiful and
-admirable, and it must be necessary in some cases to defend her against
-the movements of her own good heart. Evidently she did not sufficiently
-think of what the world would say, nor, indeed, of what was essentially
-right; for that a woman of her attractions, still young, living
-independently in rooms of her own, should receive artists
-indiscriminately, nay, send for them, admit them to sit perhaps for an
-hour with her, with no chaperon or companion, was a thing that could not
-be borne. This annoyance almost drove Charlie out of Colonel Kingsward’s
-head. He felt that when he went to her next day he must, with all the
-precautions possible, speak his mind upon this subject. A woman with
-such attractions, really a young woman, alone; nobody could have more
-need of guarding against evil tongues. And artists were proverbially an
-unregulated, free-and-easy race, with long hair and defective linen, not
-men to be privileged with access under any circumstances to such a
-woman. Unquestionably he must deliver his soul on that subject for her
-own sake.</p>
-
-<p>He thought about it all the morning, how to do it best. It relieved his
-mind about Charlie. Charlie! Charlie was only a young fellow after all,
-taking his own way, as they all did, never thinking of the anxiety he
-gave his family. And no doubt he would turn up of his own accord when he
-was tired of it. That she should depart from the traditions which
-naturally are the safeguards of ladies for the sake of a silly boy, who
-took so little trouble about the peace of mind of his family, was
-monstrous. It was a thing which he could not permit to be.</p>
-
-<p>When he went into his private room at his office, Colonel Kingsward
-found a card upon his table which increased the uneasiness in his mind,
-though he could not have told why. He took it up with great surprise
-and anger. “Mr. Aubrey Leigh.” He supposed it must have been a card left
-long ago, when Aubrey Leigh was Bee’s suitor, and had come repeatedly,
-endeavouring to shake her father’s determination. He looked at it
-contemptuously, and then pitched it into the fire.</p>
-
-<p>What a strange perversity there is in these inanimate things! It seemed
-as if some malicious imp must have replaced that card there on that very
-morning to disturb him.</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward did not remember how it was that the name, the sacred
-name, of Miss Lance was associated with that of Aubrey Leigh. He had
-been much surprised, as well as angry, at the manner in which Bee
-repeated that name, when she heard it first, with a vindictive jealousy
-(these words came instinctively to his mind) which was not
-comprehensible. He had refused indignantly to allow that she had ever
-heard the name before. Nevertheless, her cry awakened a vague
-association in his mind. Something or other, he could not recollect
-what, of connection, of suggestion, was in the sound. He threw Aubrey’s
-card into the fire, and endeavoured to dismiss all thought on the
-subject. But it was a difficult thing to do. It is to be feared that
-during those morning hours the work which Colonel Kingsward usually
-executed with so much exactitude, never permitting, as he himself
-stated, private matters&mdash;even such as the death of his wife or the
-disappearance of his son&mdash;to interfere with it, was carried through with
-many interruptions and pauses for thought, and at the earliest possible
-moment was laid aside for that other engagement which had nothing to do
-either with the office or the Service, though it was, he flattered
-himself, a duty, and one of the most lofty kind.</p>
-
-<p>To save a noble creature, if possible, from the over generosity of her
-own heart; to convince her that such proceedings were inappropriate,
-inconsistent with her dignity, as well as apt to give occasion for the
-adversary to blaspheme&mdash;this was the mission which inspired him. If he
-thought of a natural turning towards himself, the friend of friends, in
-respect to whom the precautions he enforced were unnecessary, in
-consequence of these remonstrances, he kept it carefully in the
-background of his thoughts. It was a duty. This beautiful, noble woman,
-all frankness and candour, had taken the part of an angel in
-endeavouring to help him in his trouble. Could he permit her to sully
-even the tip of a wing of that generous effort. Certainly not! On the
-contrary, it became doubly his duty to protect her in every way.</p>
-
-<p>This time Miss Lance was in her drawing-room, seated in one of the pair
-of chairs which were arranged for intimate conversation. She did not
-rise, but held out her hand to him, with a soft impulse towards the
-other&mdash;in which Colonel Kingsward accordingly seated himself, with a
-solemnity upon his brow which she had no difficulty in interpreting,
-quick-witted as she was. She did not loose a shade upon that forehead, a
-note of additional gravity in his voice. She knew as well as he did the
-duty which he had come to perform. And she was a woman&mdash;not only
-quick-witted and full of a definite aim, but one who took real pleasure
-in her own dexterity, and played her <i>rôle</i> with genuine enjoyment. She
-allowed him to open the conversation with much dignified earnestness,
-and even to begin, “My dear Miss Lance,” his countenance charged with
-warning before she cut the ground from under his feet in the lightest,
-yet most complete way.</p>
-
-<p>“I know you are going to say something very serious when you adopt that
-tone, so please let me discharge my mind first. Mrs. Revel kindly came
-to me after you left yesterday, and she has made every inquiry&mdash;indeed,
-as she compelled me to go back with her to dinner, I saw for myself&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Mrs. Revel?” said the Colonel.</p>
-
-<p>“Didn’t you know he was married? Oh, yes, to a great friend of mine, a
-dear little woman. It is in their house I meet my artists, whom I told
-you of. Tuesday is her night, and they were all there. I was able to
-make my investigations without any betrayal. But I am very, very sorry
-to say, dear Colonel Kingsward, equally without any effect.”</p>
-
-<p>“Without any effect,” Colonel Kingsward repeated, confused. He was not
-so quick-witted as she was, and it took him some time to make his way
-through these mazes. Revel, the painter, was a name, indeed, that he had
-heard vaguely, but his wife, so suddenly introduced, and her “night,”
-and the people described as my artists, wound him in webs of
-bewilderment through which it was very difficult to guide his steps. It
-became apparent to him, however, after a moment, that whatever those
-things might mean, the ground had been cut from under his feet. “Does
-Mrs. Revel know?” he added after a moment, in his bewilderment.</p>
-
-<p>“Know&mdash;our poor dear boy? Oh, yes; I took him there&mdash;in my foolish
-desire to do the best I could for him, and thinking that to see other
-circles outside of his own was good for a young man. I couldn’t take him
-the round of the studios, you know&mdash;could I? But I took him to the
-Revels. She is a charming little woman, a woman whom I am very fond of,
-and&mdash;more extraordinary still, don’t you think, Colonel Kingsward?&mdash;who
-is fond of me.”</p>
-
-<p>The Colonel was not up to the mark in this emergency. He did not give
-the little compliment which is expected after such a speech. He sat
-dumb, a dull, middle-aged blush rising over his face. He had no longer
-anything to say; instead of the serious, even impassioned remonstrance
-which he was about to address to her, he could only murmur a faint
-assent, a question without meaning. And in place of the generous,
-imprudent creature, following her own hasty impulses, disregarding the
-opinion of the world, whom he had expected to find, here was female
-dignity in person, regulated by all the nicest laws of propriety. He was
-struck dumb&mdash;the ground was cut from beneath his feet.</p>
-
-<p>“This is only an interruption on my part. You were going to say
-something to me? And something serious? I prize so much everything you
-say that I must not lose it. Pray say it now, dear Colonel Kingsward.
-Have I done something you don’t like? I am ready to accept even
-blame&mdash;though you know what women are in that way, always standing out
-that they are right&mdash;from you.”</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward looked at her, helpless, still without a word to say.
-There was surely a laughing demon in her eyes which saw through and
-through him and knew the trouble in his mind; but her face was serious,
-appealing, a little raised towards him, waiting for his words as if her
-fate hung upon them. The colour rose over his middle-aged countenance to
-the very hair which was beginning to show traces of white over his high
-forehead.</p>
-
-<p>“Blame!” he stammered, scarcely knowing what he said, “I hope you don’t
-think me quite a fool.”</p>
-
-<p>“What,” she cried, picking him up as it were on the end of her lance,
-holding him out to the scorn&mdash;if not of the world, yet of himself. “Do
-you think so little of a woman, Colonel Kingsward, that you would not
-take the trouble to find fault with her? Ah! Don’t be so hard! You would
-not be a fool if you did that&mdash;you should find that I would take it with
-gratitude, accept it, be guided by it. Believe me, I am worthy, if you
-think me in the wrong, to be told so&mdash;I am, indeed I am!”</p>
-
-<p>Were these tears in her fine eyes? She made them look as if they were,
-and filled him with a compunction and a shame of his own superficial
-judgment impossible to put into words.</p>
-
-<p>“I&mdash;think you wrong!” he said, stammering and faltering. “I would as
-soon think that&mdash;heaven was wrong. I&mdash;blame you! Dear Miss Laura, how,
-how can you imagine such a thing? I should be a miserable idiot indeed
-if&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Come,” she said, “I begin to think you didn’t mean&mdash;now that you have
-called me by my name.”</p>
-
-<p>“I beg you a thousand pardons. I&mdash;I&mdash;It was a slip of the tongue. It
-was&mdash;from the signature to your letters&mdash;which is somehow so like
-you&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes,” she said. “It pleases me very much that you should think so&mdash;more
-like me than Lance. Lance! What a name! My mother made a mésalliance. I
-don’t give up my father, poor dear, though he has saddled me with such a
-family&mdash;but Laura is me, whereas Lance is only&mdash;an accident.”</p>
-
-<p>“An accident that may be removed,” he said, involuntarily. It was a
-thing that might be said to any unmarried woman, a conventional sort of
-half compliment, which custom would have permitted him to put in even
-stronger terms&mdash;but to her! When he had said it horror seized his soul.</p>
-
-<p>“No,” she said, gently shaking her head. “No. At my age one does not
-recover from an accident like that; one must bear the scar all one’s
-days. And you really had nothing to find fault with me about?”</p>
-
-<p>“How monstrous!” he cried, “to entertain such a thought.” Then, for he
-was really uneasy in his sense of guilt, he plunged into a new snare.
-“My little daughter, Betty,” he said, “is coming to town to-day to visit
-some friends in Portman Square. I wonder if I might bring her to see
-you.”</p>
-
-<p>“Your daughter!” cried Miss Lance, clasping her hands, “a thing I did
-not venture to ask&mdash;the very first desire of my heart. Your daughter! I
-would go anywhere to see her. If you will be so nice, so sweet, so kind
-as to bring her, Colonel Kingsward!”</p>
-
-<p>“I shall, indeed, to-morrow. It will do her good to see you. At her
-susceptible age the very sight of such a woman as you&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“No compliments,” she cried, “if I am not to be blamed I must not be
-praised either&mdash;and I deserve it much less. Is she the eldest?” There
-was a gleam under her half-dropped eyelids which the Colonel was vaguely
-aware of but did not understand.</p>
-
-<p>“The second,” he said. “My eldest girl is Bee, in many respects a
-stronger character than her sister, but on the other hand&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“I know,” said Miss Lance, “a little wilful, fond of her own way and her
-own opinion. Oh, that is a good fault in a girl! When they are a little
-chastened they turn out the finest women. But I understand what a man
-must feel for this little sweet thing who has not begun to have a will
-of her own.”</p>
-
-<p>It was not perhaps a very perfect characterisation of Betty, but still
-it flattered him to see how she entered into his thoughts. “I think you
-understand everything,” he said.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XL" id="CHAPTER_XL"></a>CHAPTER XL.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">It</span> was not with any intention, but solely to deliver himself from the
-dilemma in which he found himself&mdash;the inconceivable error he had made,
-imagining that it was necessary to censure, however gently, and warn
-against too much freedom of action, a woman so absolutely above
-reproach, and so full of ladylike dignity as Miss Lance&mdash;that Colonel
-Kingsward had named the name of Betty, his little daughter, just arrived
-in that immaculate stronghold of the correct and respectable Portman
-Square. He was a little uneasy about it when he thought of it
-afterwards. He was not sure that he desired even Betty to be aware of
-his intimacy with Miss Lance. He felt that her youthful presence would
-change, in some degree, the character of his relations with the
-enchantress who was stealing his wits away. The kind of conversation
-that had arisen so naturally between them, the sentiment, the
-confidences, the singular strain of mutual understanding which he felt,
-with mingled pride and bashfulness&mdash;bashfulness sat strangely upon the
-much-experienced Colonel, yet such was his feeling&mdash;to exist between
-Laura and himself, must inevitably sustain certain modifications under
-the sharp eyes of the child. She would not understand that subtle but
-strong link of friendship. He would require to be more distant, to treat
-his exquisite friend more like an ordinary acquaintance while under the
-inspection of Betty, even though he was perfectly assured that Betty
-knew nothing about such matters. And what, then, would Laura say?
-Confident as she was in her own perfect honour and candour, would she
-understand the subdued manner, the more formal address which would be
-necessary in the presence of the child? It was true that she understood
-everything without a word said; but then her own entire innocence of
-any motive but those of heavenly kindness and friendship might induce
-her to laugh at his precautions. Was it, perhaps, because he felt his
-motives to be not unmingled that the Colonel felt this? Anyhow, the
-introduction of Betty, whom he had snatched at in his haste to save him
-from the consequences of his own folly, would be a trouble to the
-intercourse which, as it was, was so consolatory and so sweet.</p>
-
-<p>It must be added that Miss Lance, before he left her, had been very
-consolatory to him on the subject of Charlie, which, though always lying
-at the bottom of his thoughts, had begun in the midst of these new
-developments to weigh upon him less, perhaps, than it was natural it
-should have done. She had suggested that Charlie had friends in
-Scotland, that he had most probably gone there to avoid for a time his
-father’s wrath, that in all probability he was enjoying himself, and
-very well cared for, putting off from day to day the necessity of
-writing.</p>
-
-<p>“He never was, I suppose, much of a correspondent?” she said.</p>
-
-<p>“No,” Colonel Kingsward had replied, doubtfully; for indeed there never
-had been anything at all to call correspondence between him and his son.
-Charlie had written to his mother, occasionally to his sisters, but to
-his father, save when he wanted money, scarcely at all.</p>
-
-<p>“Then this is what has happened,” said Laura; “he has gone off to be as
-far out of the way as possible. He is fishing in Loch Tay&mdash;or he is
-playing golf somewhere&mdash;you know his habits.”</p>
-
-<p>“And so it seems do you,” said the Colonel, a little jealous of his son.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, you know how a boy chatters of everything he does and likes.”</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward nodded his head gloomily. He did not know how boys
-chattered&mdash;no boy had ever chattered to him; but he accepted with a
-moderate satisfaction the fact that she, Laura, from whom he felt that
-he himself could have no secret, had taken, and did take, the trouble of
-turning the heart even&mdash;of a boy&mdash;outside in.</p>
-
-<p>“Depend upon it,” said Miss Lance, “that is where he has gone, and he
-has not meant to make you anxious. Perhaps he thinks you have never
-discovered that he had left Oxford, and he has meant to write day by
-day. Don’t you know how one does that? It is a little difficult to
-begin, and one says, ‘To-morrow,’ and then ‘To-morrow’; and the time
-flies on. Dear Colonel Kingsward, you will find that all this time he is
-quite happy on Loch Tay.” She held out her hand to emphasise these
-words, and the Colonel, though all unaccustomed to such signs of
-enthusiasm, kissed that hand which held out comfort to him. It was a
-beautiful hand, so soft, like velvet, so yielding and flexible in his,
-and yet so firm in its delicate pressure. He went away with his head
-slightly turned, and the blood coursing through his veins. But when he
-thought of little Betty he dropped down, down into a blank of decorum
-and commonplace. Before Betty he certainly could not kiss any lady’s
-hand. He would have to shake hands with Laura as he did with old Mrs.
-Lyon in Portman Square, who, indeed, was a much older friend. This
-thought gave him a little feeling of contrariety and uneasiness in the
-contemplation of his promise to take his little girl to George Street,
-Hanover Square.</p>
-
-<p>And next morning when he went into his office, Colonel Kingsward’s
-annoyance and indignation could not be expressed when he found once more
-upon his writing-table, placed in a conspicuous position so that he
-could not overlook it, the card of Mr. Aubrey Leigh. Who had fished it
-out of the waste paper basket and placed it there? He rang his bell
-hastily to overwhelm his attendant with angry reproof. He could not have
-told, himself, why it made him so angry to see that card. It looked like
-some vulgar interference with his most private affairs.</p>
-
-<p>“Where did you find this card?” he said, angrily, “and why is it
-replaced here? I threw it into the fire&mdash;or somewhere, yesterday&mdash;and
-here it is again as if the man had called to-day.”</p>
-
-<p>“The gentleman did call, sir, yesterday.”</p>
-
-<p>“What?” cried Colonel Kingsward, in a voice like a trumpet; but the man
-stood his ground.</p>
-
-<p>“The gentleman did call, sir, yesterday. He has called two or three
-times; once when you were in the country. He seemed very anxious to see
-you. I said two o’clock for a general thing, but you have been leaving
-the office earlier for a day or two.”</p>
-
-<p>“You are very impertinent to say anything of the kind, or to give anyone
-information of my private movements; see that it never occurs again. And
-as for this gentleman,” he held up his card for a moment, looked at it
-contemptuously and then pitched it once more into the fireplace, “be so
-good as to understand that I will not see him, whether he comes at two
-or at any other hour.”</p>
-
-<p>“Am I to tell him so, sir?” said the man, annoyed.</p>
-
-<p>“Of course you are to tell him so; and mind you don’t bring me any
-message or explanation. I will not see him&mdash;that is enough; now you can
-go.”</p>
-
-<p>“Shall I&mdash;&mdash; say you’re too busy, Colonel, or just going out, or
-engaged&mdash;&mdash;?”</p>
-
-<p>“No!” shouted Colonel Kingsward, with a force of breath which blew the
-attendant away like a strong wind. The Colonel returned to his work and
-his correspondence with an irritation and annoyance which even to
-himself seemed beyond the occasion. Bee’s old lover, he supposed, had
-taken courage to make another attempt; but nothing would induce him to
-change his former decision. He would not hear a word, not a word! A kind
-of panic mingled in his hasty impulse of rage. He would not so much as
-see the fellow&mdash;give him any opportunity of renewing&mdash;&mdash; Was it his suit
-to Bee? Was it something else indefinite behind? Colonel Kingsward did
-not very well know, but he was determined on one thing&mdash;not to allow the
-presence of this intruder, not to hear a word that he had to say.</p>
-
-<p>And then about Betty&mdash;that was annoying too, but he had promised to do
-it, and to break his word to Laura was a thing he could not do.
-Laura&mdash;Miss Laura, if she pleased, though that is not a usual mode of
-address&mdash;but not Lance&mdash;how right she was! The name of Lance did not
-suit her at all, and yet how just and sweet all the same. Her mother had
-made a mésalliance, but there was no pettiness about her. She held by
-her father, though she was aware of his inferiority. And then he thought
-of her as she shook her head gently, and smiled at his awkward
-stumbling suggestion that the accident of the name was not irremediable.
-“At my age,”&mdash;what was her age? The most delightful, the most
-fascinating of ages, whatever it was. Not the silly girlhood of Bee and
-Betty, but something far more entrancing, far more charming. These
-thoughts interfered greatly with his correspondence, and made the mass
-of foreign newspapers, and the military intelligence from all over the
-world, which it was his business to look over, appear very dull,
-uninteresting and confused. He rose hastily after a while, and took his
-hat and sallied forth to Portman Square, where he was expected to
-luncheon. He was relieved, on the whole, to be thus legitimately out of
-the way in case that fellow should have the audacity to call again.</p>
-
-<p>“I want you to come out with me, Betty,” he said, after that meal, which
-was very solemn, serious and prolonged, but very dull and not
-appetising. “I want to take you to see a friend&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, papa! we are going to&mdash;&mdash; Mrs. Lyon was going to take me to see
-Mr. Revel’s picture before he sends it in.”</p>
-
-<p>“To-morrow will do, my dear, equally well, if your papa wants you to go
-anywhere.”</p>
-
-<p>“Mr. Revel’s picture? He is precisely a friend of the friend I am going
-to take you to see.” For a moment Colonel Kingsward wavered thinking how
-much more agreeable it would be to have his interview with Laura
-undisturbed by the presence of this little chit with her sharp eyes. But
-he was a soldier and faithful to his consignee. “If it will do as well
-to-morrow, and will not derange Mrs. Lyon’s plans, I should like you to
-come now.”</p>
-
-<p>“Run and get ready, Betty,” cried the old lady, to whom obedience was a
-great quality, “and there will still be time to go there, if you are not
-very long, when you come back.”</p>
-
-<p>The Colonel felt as if his foot was upon more solid ground; not that any
-doubt of Laura had ever been in his mind&mdash;but yet&mdash;&mdash; He had not
-suspected the existence of any link between her and Portman Square.</p>
-
-<p>“Mr. Revel is a very good painter, I suppose?” he said.</p>
-
-<p>“A great painter, we all think; and beginning to be really acknowledged
-in the art world,” said the old lady, who liked it to be known that she
-knew a great deal about pictures, and was herself considered to have
-some authority in that interesting sphere.</p>
-
-<p>“And&mdash;hasn’t he a wife? I think I heard someone talking of his wife.”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, a dear little woman!” cried Mrs. Lyon. “Her Tuesdays are the most
-pleasant parties. We always go when we are able. Ah! here is Betty, like
-a little rose. Now, acknowledge you are proud to have a little thing
-like that, Colonel, to walk with you through the park on a fine day like
-this?”</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward looked at Betty. She was a pretty little blooming
-creature. He did not regard her with any enthusiasm, and yet she was a
-creditable creature enough to belong to one. He gave a little nod of
-approving indifference. Betty was very much admired at Portman
-Square&mdash;from Gerald, who kept up an artillery of glances across the big
-table, to the old butler, who called her attention specially to any
-dish that was nicer than usual, and carried meringues to her twice, she
-was the object of everybody’s regards. Her father did not, naturally,
-look at her from the same point of view, but he was sufficiently pleased
-with her appearance. He was pleased, too, exhilarated, he could scarcely
-tell why, by the fact that Mrs. Lyon knew the painter’s wife and spoke
-of her as a “dear little woman,” the very words Laura had used. Did he
-require any guarantee that Laura herself was of the same order, knew the
-same sort of people as his other friends? Had such a question been put
-to him, the Colonel would have knocked the man down who made it, as in
-days when duelling was possible he would have called him out&mdash;&mdash; But
-yet&mdash;at all events it gave him much satisfaction that the British matron
-in the shape of Mrs. Lyon spoke no otherwise of the lady whom for one
-terrible moment of delusion he had intended to warn against intercourse,
-too little guarded, with such equivocal men as artists. He shuddered
-when he thought of that extraordinary aberration.</p>
-
-<p>“Who is it, papa, we are going to see?” said Betty’s little voice by his
-side.</p>
-
-<p>“It is a lady&mdash;who has taken a great interest in your brother.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, papa, that I should not have asked that the first thing! Have you
-any news?”</p>
-
-<p>“Nothing that I can call news, but I think I may say I have reason to
-believe that Charlie has gone up to the north to the Mackinnons. That
-does not excuse him for having left us in this anxiety; but the idea,
-which did not occur to me till yesterday, has relieved my mind.”</p>
-
-<p>“To the Mackinnons!” said Betty, doubtfully, “but then I heard&mdash;&mdash;” She
-stopped herself suddenly, and added after a moment, “How strange, papa,
-if he is there, that none of them should have written.”</p>
-
-<p>“It is strange; but perhaps when you think of all things, not so very
-strange. He probably has not explained the circumstances to them, and
-they will think that he has written; they would not feel it
-necessary&mdash;why should they?&mdash;to let us know of his arrival. That, as a
-matter of course, they would expect him to have done. I don’t think, on
-the whole, it is at all strange; on his part inexcusable, but not to be
-expected from them.”</p>
-
-<p>“But, papa!” cried Betty.</p>
-
-<p>“What is it?” he said, almost crossly. “I don’t mind saying,” he added,
-“that even for him there may be excuses&mdash;if such folly can ever be
-excused. He never writes to me in a general way, and it would not be a
-pleasant letter to write; and no doubt he has put it off from day to
-day, intending always to do it to-morrow&mdash;and every day would naturally
-make it more difficult.” Thus he went on repeating unconsciously all the
-suggestions that had been made to him. “Remember, Betty,” he said, “as
-soon as you see that you have done anything wrong, always make a clean
-breast of it at once; the longer you put it off the more difficult you
-will find it to do.”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, papa,” said little Betty, with great doubt in her tone. She did
-not know what to think, for she had in her blotting book at Portman
-Square a letter lately received from one of these same Mackinnons in
-which not a word was said of Charlie. Why should not Helen have
-mentioned him had he been there? And yet, if papa thought so, and if it
-relieved his mind to think so, what was Betty to set up a different
-opinion? Her mind was still full of this thought when she found herself
-following her father up the narrow stairs into the little drawing-room.
-There she was met by a lady, who rose and came forward to her, holding
-out two beautiful hands. “Such hands!” Betty said afterwards. Her own
-were plump, reddish articles, small enough and not badly shaped, but
-scarcely free from the scars and smirches of gardening, wild-flower
-collecting, pony saddling, all the unnecessary pieces of work that a
-country girl’s, like a country boy’s, are employed for. She had at the
-moment a hopeless passion for white hands. And these drew her close,
-while the beautiful face stooped over her and gave her a soft lingering
-kiss. Was it a beautiful face? At least it was very, very handsome&mdash;fine
-features, fine eyes, an imposing benignity, like a grand duchess at the
-very least.</p>
-
-<p>“So this is little Betty,” the lady said, to whom she was presented by
-that title, “just out of last century, with her grandmother’s name, and
-the newest version of her grandmother’s hat. How pretty! Oh, it is your
-hat, you know, not you, that I am admiring. Like a little rose!”</p>
-
-<p>Betty had no prejudices aroused in her mind by this lady’s name, for
-Colonel Kingsward did not think it necessary to pronounce it. He said,
-“My little Betty,” introducing the girl, but he did not think it needful
-to make any explanations to her. And she thus fell, all unprotected,
-under the charm. Laura talked to her for full five minutes without
-taking any notice of the Colonel, and drew from her all she wanted to
-see, and the places to which she was going, making a complete conquest
-of the little girl. It was only when Colonel Kingsward’s patience was
-quite exhausted, and he was about to jump up and propose somewhat
-sullenly to leave his daughter with her new friend, that Miss Lance
-turned to him suddenly with an exclamation of pleasure.</p>
-
-<p>“Did you hear, Colonel Kingsward? She was going to see Arthur Revel’s
-picture this afternoon. And so was I! Will you come too? He is a great
-friend of mine, as I told you, and he knew dear Charlie, and, of course,
-he would be proud and delighted to see you. Shall we take Betty back to
-Portman Square to pick up her carriage and her old lady, and will you go
-humbly on foot with me? We shall meet them, and Mrs. Revel shall give us
-tea.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, papa, do!” Betty cried.</p>
-
-<p>It was not perhaps what he would have liked best, but he yielded with a
-very good grace. He had not, perhaps, been so proud of little Betty by
-his side as the Lyons had expected, but Laura by his side was a
-different matter. He could not help remarking how people looked at her
-as they went along, and his mind was full of pride in the handsome,
-commanding figure, almost as tall as himself, and walking like a queen.
-Yet it made his head turn round a little when he saw Miss Lance seated
-by Mrs. Lyon’s side in the studio, talking intimately to her of the
-whole Kingsward family, while Betty clung to her new friend as if she
-had known her all her life. Old Mrs. Lyon was still more startled, and
-her head went round too. “What a handsome woman!” she said, in Colonel
-Kingsward’s ear. “What a delightful woman! Who is she?”</p>
-
-<p>“Miss Lance,” he said, rather stupidly, feeling how little information
-these words conveyed. Miss Lance? Who was Miss Lance? If he had said
-Laura it might have been a different matter.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XLI" id="CHAPTER_XLI"></a>CHAPTER XLI.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">While</span> all these things were going on, Bee was left at Kingswarden alone.
-That is to say, she was so far from being alone that her solitude was
-absolute. She had all the children and was very busy among them. She had
-the two boys home for the Easter holidays; the house was full of the
-ordinary noise, mirth and confusion natural to a large young family
-under no more severe discipline than that exercised by a young elder
-sister. The big boys, were in their boyish way, gentlemen, and deferred
-to Bee more or less&mdash;which set a good example to the younger ones; but
-she was enveloped in a torrent of talk, fun, games and jest, which raged
-round her from before she got up in the morning till at least the
-twilight, when the nursery children got tired, and the big boys having
-exhausted every method of amusement during the day, began to feel the
-burden of nothing to do, and retired into short-lived attempts at
-reading, or games of beggar-my-neighbour, or any other simple mode of
-possible recreation&mdash;descending to the level of imaginary football with
-an old hat through the corridor before it was time to go to bed.</p>
-
-<p>In the evening Bee was thus completely alone, listening to the distant
-bumps in the passage, and the voices of the players. The drawing-room
-was large, but it was indifferently lighted, which is apt to make a
-country drawing-room gloomy in the evening. There was one shaded lamp on
-a writing-table, covered at this moment with colour boxes and rough
-drawings of the boys, who had been constructing a hut in the grounds,
-and wasting much vermillion and Prussian blue on their plans for it; and
-near the fireplace, in which the chill of the Spring still required a
-little fire, was another lamp, shining silently upon Bee’s white dress
-and her hands crossed in her lap. Her face and all its thoughts were in
-the shade, nobody to share, nobody to care what they were.</p>
-
-<p>Betty was in town. Her one faithful though not always entirely
-sympathetic companion, the aunt&mdash;at all times not much more than a piece
-of still life&mdash;was unwell and had gone to bed; Charlie was lost in the
-great depth and silence of the world; Bee was thus alone. She had been
-working for the children, making pinafores or some other necessary, as
-became her position as sister-mother; for where there are so many
-children there is always a great deal to do; but she had grown tired of
-the pinafores. If it were not a hard thing to say she was a little tired
-of the children too, tired of having to look after them perpetually, of
-the nurse’s complaints, and the naughtiness of baby who was spoilt and
-unmanageable&mdash;tired of the bumping and laughing of the boys, and tired
-too of bidding them be quiet, not to rouse the children.</p>
-
-<p>All these things had suddenly become intolerable to Bee. She had a great
-many times expressed her thankfulness that she had so much to do, and no
-time to think&mdash;and probably to-morrow morning she would again be of
-that opinion; but in the meantime she was very tired of it all&mdash;tired of
-a position which was too much for her age, and which she was not able to
-bear. She was only a speck in the long, empty drawing-room, her white
-skirts and her hands crossed in her lap being all that showed
-distinctly, betraying the fact that someone was there, but with her face
-hidden in the rosy shade, there was nobody to see that tears had stolen
-up into Bee’s eyes. Her hands were idle, folded in her lap. She was
-tired of being dutiful and a good girl, as the best of girls are
-sometimes. It seemed to her for the moment a dreary world in which she
-was placed, merely to take care of the children, not for any pleasure of
-her own. She felt that she could not endure for another moment the
-bumping in the passage, and the distant voices of the boys. Probably if
-they went on there would be a querulous message from Aunt Helen, or
-pipings from the nursery of children woke up, and a furious descent of
-nurse, more than insinuating that Miss Bee did not care whether baby’s
-sleep was broken or not. But even with this certainty before her, Bee
-did not feel that she had energy to get up from her chair and interfere;
-it was too much. She was too solitary, left alone to bear all the
-burden.</p>
-
-<p>Then the habitual thought of Charlie returned to her mind. Poor Charlie!
-Where was he, still more alone than she. Perhaps hidden away in the
-silence of the seas, or tossing in a storm, going away, away where no
-one who cared for him would ever see him more. The tears which had come
-vaguely to her eyes dropped, making a mark upon her dress, legitimatised
-by this thought. Bee would have been ashamed had they fallen for
-herself; but for Charlie&mdash;Charlie lost!&mdash;none of his family knowing
-where he was&mdash;she might indeed be allowed to cry. Where was he? Where
-was he? If he had been here he would have been sitting with her, making
-things more possible. Bee knew very well in her heart that if Charlie
-had been with her he would not have been much help to her, that he would
-have been grumbling over his own hard fate, and calling upon her to pity
-him; but the absent, if they are sometimes wronged, have, on the other
-hand, the privilege of being remembered in their best aspect. Then Bee’s
-thoughts glided on from Charlie to someone else whom she had for a long
-time refused to think of, or tried to refuse to think of. She was so
-solitary to-night, with all her doors open to recollections, that he had
-stolen in before she knew, and now there was quite a shower of round
-blots upon her white dress. Aubrey&mdash;oh, Aubrey! who had betrayed her
-trust so, who had done her such cruel wrong!&mdash;but yet, but yet&mdash;&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>She was interrupted by the entrance of a servant with the evening post.
-Kingswarden was near enough to town to have an evening post, which is a
-privilege not always desirable. But any incident was a good thing for
-poor Bee. She drew the pinafore, at which she had been working, hastily
-over her knee to hide the spots of moisture, and dashed the tears from
-her eyes with a rapid hand. In the shade of the lamp not even the most
-keen eyes could see that she had been crying. She even paused as she
-took the letter to say, “Will you please tell the boys not to make so
-much noise?” There were three letters on the tray&mdash;one for her father,
-one for her aunt, one Betty’s usual daily rigmarole of little news and
-nonsense which she never failed to send when she was away. Betty’s
-letter was very welcome to her sister. But as Bee read it her face began
-to burn. It became more and more crimson, so that the rose shade of the
-lamp was overpowered by a deeper and hotter colour. Betty to turn upon
-her, to take up the other side, to cast herself under that dreadful new
-banner of Fate! Bee’s breath came quickly, her heart beat with anger and
-trouble. She got up from her chair and began to walk quickly about the
-room, a sudden passion sweeping away all the forlorn sentiment of her
-previous thoughts. Betty! in addition to all the rest. Bee felt like the
-forlorn <i>chatelaine</i> of a besieged castle alone to defend the walls
-against the march of a destroying invader. The danger which had been far
-off was coming&mdash;it was coming! And the castle had no garrison at all&mdash;if
-it were not perhaps those dreadful boys making noise enough to bring
-down the house, who were precisely the partisans least to be depended
-upon, who would probably throw down their arms without striking a blow.
-And Bee was alone, the captain deserted of all her forces to defend the
-sacred hearth and the little children. The little children! Bee stamped
-her foot upon the floor in an appeal, not to heaven, but to all the
-powers of Indignation, Fury, War, War! She would defend those walls to
-her last gasp. She would not give way, she would fight it out step by
-step, to keep the invader from the children. The nursery should be her
-citadel. Oh, she knew what would happen, she cried to herself
-inconsequently! Baby, who was spoilt, would be twisted into rigid shape,
-the little girls would be subdued like little mice&mdash;the boys&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>At this moment the old hat which served as a football came with a thump
-from the corridor into the hall, followed by a louder shout than ever
-from Arthur and Rex. Bee rushed forth upon them flinging the door open,
-with her blue eyes blazing.</p>
-
-<p>“Do you mean to bring down the house?” she said, in a sudden outburst.
-“Do you mean to break the vases and the mirror and wake up the whole
-nursery and bring Aunt Helen down upon us? For goodness sake try to
-behave like reasonable creatures, and don’t drive me out of my senses!”
-cried Bee.</p>
-
-<p>The boys were so startled by this onslaught that Rex, with a final kick
-sent the wretched old hat flying to the end of the passage which led to
-the servants’ hall, as if it were that harmless object that was to
-blame&mdash;while Arthur covered the retreat sulkily by a complaint that
-there was nothing to do in this beastly old hole, and that a fellow
-couldn’t read books all the day long. Bee was so inspired and thrilling
-with the passion in her, that she went further than any properly
-constituted female creature knowing her own position ought to do.</p>
-
-<p>“You have a great deal more to do than I have,” she said, “far, far more
-to do and to amuse yourselves with. Why should you expect so much more
-than I do, because you are boys and I am a girl? Is it fair? You’re
-always talking of things being fair. It isn’t fair that you should
-disturb the whole house, the little babies, and everyone for your
-pleasure; and I’m not so very much older than you are, and what
-pleasure have I?”</p>
-
-<p>The boys were very much cast down by this fiery remonstrance. There had
-been a squall as of several babies from the upper regions, and they had
-already been warned of the consequence of their horseplay. But Bee’s
-representation touched them in their tenderest point. Was it fair? Well,
-no, perhaps it was not quite fair. They went back after her, humbled,
-into the drawing-room, and besought her to join them in a game. After
-they had finally retired, having finished the evening to their own
-partial content, Bee took out again Betty’s letter and read it with less
-excitement than at first&mdash;or at least with less demonstration of
-excitement; this was what it said&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>“Bee, such a delightful woman, a friend of her papa’s! So handsome, so
-nice, so clever, so well dressed, everything you can think except young,
-which of course she is not&mdash;nor anything silly. Papa told me to get
-ready to come out with him to see an old friend of his and I wasn’t at
-all willing, didn’t like it, I thought it must be some old image like
-old Mrs. Mackinnon or Nancy Eversfield, don’t you know. Mrs. Lyon had
-settled to take me out to see some pictures, and Gerald was coming, and
-we were to have a turn in the park after, and I had put on my new frock
-and was looking forward to it, when papa came in with this order: ‘Get
-on your things and come with me, I want to take you to see an old
-friend.’ Of course I had to go, for Mrs. Lyon will never allow me to
-shirk anything. But I was not in a very good humour, though they called
-me as fresh as a rose and all that&mdash;to please papa; as if he cared how
-we look! He took me to George Street, Hanover Square, a horrid little
-lodging, such as people come to when they come up from the country. And
-I had to look as serious and as steady as possible for the sake of the
-old lady; when there rose up from the chair, oh, such a different
-person, tall, but as slight as you are, with such a handsome face and
-such a manner. She might have been&mdash;let us say a nice, sweet aunt&mdash;but
-aunt is not a name that means anything delightful; and mother I must not
-say, for there is only one mother in the whole world; oh, but something
-I cannot give a name, so understanding, so kind, so nice, for that means
-everything. She kissed me, and then she began to talk to me as if she
-knew everyone of us and was very fond of us all. And then about Charlie,
-whom she seemed to know very well. She called him dear Charlie, and I
-wonder if it is she who has persuaded papa that he is with the
-Mackinnons, in Scotland. But I know he is not with the
-Mackinnons&mdash;however, I will tell you about this after.</p>
-
-<p>“Dear Bee, what will you say when I tell you that this delightful woman
-is Miss Lance? You will say I have no heart, or no spirit, and am not
-sticking to you through thick and thin as I ought; but you must hear
-first what I have got to say. Had I known it was Miss Lance I should
-have shut myself close up, and whatever she had done or however nice she
-had been, I should have had nothing to say to her. If she had been an
-angel under that name I should have remembered what you had said, and I
-should not have seen any good in her. But I never heard what her name
-was till we were all in Mr. Revel’s studio, quite a long time after.
-Papa did as he always does, introduced me to her, but not her to me. He
-said: “My daughter Betty,” as if I must have known by instinct who she
-was. And, dear Bee, though I acknowledge you have every reason not to
-believe it, she is delightful, she is, she is! She may have done wrong.
-I can’t tell, of course; but I don’t believe she ever meant it, or to
-harm you, or Charlie, or anyone. Everybody is delighted with her. Mrs.
-Lyon, who you know is very particular, says she has the manners of a
-duchess&mdash;and that she is such a handsome, distinguished-looking woman.
-She is coming to dine here next Saturday. The only one who does not seem
-to be quite charmed with her is Gerald, who is prejudiced like you.</p>
-
-<p>“Do try to get over your prejudice, Bee, dear&mdash;she is, she is, indeed
-delightful! You only want to know her. By the way, about the Mackinnons:
-papa has got it firmly into his head that Charlie is there; he says his
-mind is quite relieved about him, and that the more he thinks of it, the
-more he is certain it is so; now I know that it is not so. I got a
-letter from Helen Mackinnon the day I came here, and there is not a
-word about Charlie&mdash;and she would have been certain to have mentioned
-him had he been there. I tried to say this to papa, but his head was so
-full of the other idea that he did not hear me at first, and I couldn’t
-go on. I whispered to Miss Lance in the studio, and asked her what I
-should do? She was so troubled and distressed about Charlie that the
-tears came into her eyes, but, after thinking a moment, she said, ‘Oh,
-dear child, don’t say anything. Your young friend might have been in a
-hurry, she might not have thought it necessary to speak of your brother.
-Oh, don’t let us worry him now! Bad news always comes soon enough, and,
-of course, he will find it out if it is so.’ Do you think she was right?
-But, oh Bee, dear Bee, I am afraid you will not think anything she says
-is right; and yet she is <i>delightful</i>. If only you knew her! Write
-directly, and tell me all you think.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee was not excited on this second reading. She did not spring to her
-feet, nor stamp on the floor, or feel inclined to call upon all the
-infernal gods. But her heart sank down as if it would never rise again,
-and a great pain took possession of her. Who was this witch, this
-magician, that everyone who belonged to Bee should be drawn into her
-toils&mdash;even Betty. What could she want with Betty, who was only a little
-girl, who was her sister’s natural second and support? Bee sat a long
-time with her head in her hands, letting the fire go out, feeling cold
-and solitary and miserable, and frightened to death.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XLII" id="CHAPTER_XLII"></a>CHAPTER XLII.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">In</span> the afternoon of the next day, Bee was again alone. The old aunt had
-come down for lunch, but gone up to her room again to rest after that
-meal. It was a little chilly outside. The children, of course, wrapped
-up in their warm things, and in the virtue of the English nursery, which
-shrinks from no east wind, were out for their various walks. The big
-boys, attended by such of the little boys as could be trusted with these
-athletes, were taking violent exercise somewhere, and Bee sat by the
-fire, alone. It is not a place for a girl of twenty. The little
-pinafore, half made, was on the table beside her. She had a book in her
-hand. Perhaps had she been a young wife looking for the return of her
-young husband in the evening, with all the air of the bigger world about
-him and an abundance of news, and plans, and life, a pretty enough
-picture might have been made of that cosy fireside retirement.</p>
-
-<p>But even this ideal has ceased to be satisfactory to the present
-generation. And Bee’s spirits and heart were very low. She had
-despatched a fiery letter to Betty, and with this all her anger had
-faded away. She had no courage to do anything. She seemed to have come
-to an end of all possibilities. She had no longer anyone to fall back
-upon as a supporter and sympathiser&mdash;not even Betty. Even this closest
-link of nature seemed to have been broken by that enemy.</p>
-
-<p>To have an enemy is not a very common experience in modern life. People
-may do each other small harms and annoyances, but to most of us the
-strenuous appeals and damnations of the Psalmist are quite beyond
-experience. But Bee had come back to the primitive state. She had an
-enemy who had succeeded in taking from her everything she cared for.
-Aubrey her betrothed, Charlie, her father, her sister, one after the
-other in quick succession. It was not yet a year and a half since she
-first heard this woman’s name, and in that time all these losses had
-happened. She was not even sure that her mother’s death was not the work
-of the same subtle foe; indeed, she brought herself to believe that it
-was at least accelerated by all the trouble and contention brought into
-the family by her own misery and rebellion&mdash;all the work of that woman!
-Why, why, had Bee been singled out for this fate? A little girl in an
-English house, like other girls&mdash;no worse, no better. Why should she
-alone in all England have this bitterness of an enemy to make her
-desolate and break her heart?</p>
-
-<p>While she was thus turning over drearily those dismal thoughts, there
-was a messenger approaching to point more sharply still the record of
-these disasters and their cause. Bee had laid down her book in her lap;
-her thoughts had strayed completely from it and gone back to her own
-troubles, when the door of the drawing-room opened quietly and a servant
-announced “Mrs. Leigh.” Mrs. Leigh! It is not an uncommon name. A Mrs.
-Lee lived in the village, a Mrs. Grantham Lea was the clergyman’s wife
-in the next parish. Bee drew her breath quickly and composed her looks,
-but thought of no visitor that could make her heavy heart beat. Not even
-when the lady came in, a more than middle-aged matron, of solid form and
-good colour, dressed with the subdued fashionableness appropriate to her
-age. It was not Mrs. Lee from the village, nor Mrs. Grantham Lea,
-nor&mdash;&mdash; Yet Bee had seen her before. She rose up a little startled and
-made a step or two forward.</p>
-
-<p>“You do not know me, Miss Kingsward? I cannot wonder at it, since we met
-but once, and that in circumstances&mdash;&mdash; Don’t start nor fly, though I
-see you have recognised me.”</p>
-
-<p>“Indeed I did not think of flying. Will you&mdash;will you&mdash;sit down.”</p>
-
-<p>“You need not be afraid of me, my poor child,” said Mrs. Leigh.</p>
-
-<p>Aubrey’s mother seated herself and looked with a kind yet troubled look
-at the girl, who still stood up in the attitude in which she had risen
-from her chair. “I scarcely saw you the other time,” she said. “It was
-in the garden. You did not give me a good reception. I should like
-much, sometime or other, if you would tell me why. I have never made out
-why. But don’t be afraid; it is not on that subject I have come to you
-now.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee seated herself. She kept her blue eyes, which seemed expanded and
-larger than usual, but had none of the former indignant blaze in them,
-fixed on the old lady’s face.</p>
-
-<p>“Your father is not here, the servant tells me&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“No&mdash;he is in town,” she answered, faltering, almost too much absorbed
-by anticipation to reply.</p>
-
-<p>“And you are alone&mdash;nobody with you to stand by you?”</p>
-
-<p>“Mrs. Leigh,” said Bee, catching her breath, “I don’t know why you
-should ask me such questions, or&mdash;or be sorry for me. I don’t need
-anybody to be sorry for me.”</p>
-
-<p>“Poor little girl! We needn’t go into that question. I am sorry for any
-girl who is motherless, who has to take her mother’s place. I would much
-rather have spoken to your father had he been here.”</p>
-
-<p>“After all,” said Bee, “my father could say nothing. It is I who must
-decide for myself.”</p>
-
-<p>She said this with an involuntary betrayal of her consciousness that
-there could be but one subject between them, and it was not in the power
-of Aubrey Leigh’s mother, however strongly aware she was of another
-theme on which she had come to speak, not to note how different was
-Bee’s reception of her from the other time, when the girl had fled from
-her presence and would not even hear what she had to say. Bee’s eyes
-were large and humid and full of an anxiety which was almost wistful.
-She had the air of refusing to hear with her lips, but eagerly expecting
-with her whole heart what was about to be said. And she looked so young,
-so solitary, in her mother’s chair, with a mother’s work lying about,
-the head of this silent house&mdash;that the heart of the elder woman was
-deeply touched. If little Betty had been like a rose, Bee was almost as
-white as the cluster of fragrant white narcissus that stood on the
-table. Poor little girl, so subdued and changed from the little
-passionate creature who would not hear a word, and whose indignation
-was stronger than even the zeal of the mother who had come to plead her
-son’s cause!</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Leigh drew a little nearer and took Bee’s hand. The girl did not
-resist, but kept her eyes upon her steadily, watching, her mind in a
-great turmoil, not knowing what to expect.</p>
-
-<p>“My dear,” said the old lady, “don’t be alarmed. I have not come to
-speak about Aubrey. I cannot help hoping that one day you will do him
-justice; but, in the meantime, it is something else that has brought me
-here. Miss Kingsward&mdash;your brother&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>Bee’s hand, in this lady’s clasp, betrayed her in spite of herself. It
-became limp and uninterested when she was assured that Aubrey was not in
-question; and then, at her brother’s name, was snatched suddenly away.</p>
-
-<p>“My brother?” she cried, “Charlie!” Then, subduing herself, “What do you
-know about him? Oh,” clasping her hands as new light seemed to break
-upon her, “you have come to tell me some bad news?”</p>
-
-<p>“I hope not. My son found him some time ago, disheartened and unhappy
-about leaving Oxford. He persuaded him to come and share his rooms. He
-has been with him more or less all the time, which I hope may be a
-comfort to you. And then he fell ill. My dear Aubrey has tried to see
-your father, but in vain, and poor Charlie is not anxious, I fear, to
-see his father. Yes, he has been ill, but not so seriously that we need
-fear anything serious. He has shaken off the complaint, but he wants
-rousing&mdash;he wants someone whom he loves. Aubrey sent for me a fortnight
-ago. He has been well taken care of, there is nothing really wrong. But
-we cannot persuade him to rouse himself. It is illness that is at the
-bottom of it all. He would not have left you without news of him, he
-would not shrink from his father if he were not ill. Bee, I will confess
-to you that it is Aubrey who has sent me; but don’t be afraid, it is for
-Charlie’s sake&mdash;only for Charlie’s sake. He thinks if you would but come
-to him&mdash;if you would have the courage to come&mdash;to your brother, Bee.”</p>
-
-<p>“He&mdash;he thinks? Not Charlie&mdash;you don’t mean Charlie?” Bee cried.</p>
-
-<p>“Charlie does not seem to wish for anything. We cannot rouse him. We
-think that the sight of someone he loves&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>Bee was full of agitation. Her lips quivered; her hands trembled. “Oh,
-me!” she said; “I am no one. It is not for his sister a boy cares. I do
-not think I should do him any good. Oh, Charlie, Charlie! all this time
-that we have been blaming him so, thinking him so cruel, he has been
-lying ill! If I could do him any good!” she cried, wringing her hands.</p>
-
-<p>“The sight of you would do him good. It is not that he wants a nurse&mdash;I
-have seen to that; but no nurse could rouse him as the sight of some of
-his own people would. Do not question, my dear, but come&mdash;oh, come! He
-thinks he is cut off from everybody, that his father will never see him,
-that you must all have turned against him. Words will not convince him,
-but to see you, that would do so. He would feel that he was not
-forsaken.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, forsaken! How could he think it? He must know that we have been
-breaking our hearts. It was he who forsook us all.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee had risen again, and stood leaning upon the mantelpiece, too much
-shaken and agitated to keep still. Though she had thought herself so
-independent, she had in reality never broken the strained band of
-domestic subjugation. She had never so much as gone, though it was
-little more than an hour’s journey, to London on her own authority. The
-thought of taking such a step startled her. And that she should do this
-on the word and in the company of Aubrey’s mother&mdash;Aubrey, for whom she
-had once been ready to abandon everything, from whom she had been
-violently separated, whom she had cast off, flung away from her without
-hearing a word he had to say! How could she put herself in his way
-again&mdash;go with his mother, accept his services? Bee had acted quickly on
-the impulse of passion in all that had happened to her before. But she
-had not known the conflict, the rending asunder of opposite emotions. In
-the whirl of her thoughts her lover, whom she had cast off, came between
-her and the brother whom he had succoured. It was to Aubrey’s house, to
-his very dwelling where he was, that she must go if she went to
-Charlie. And Charlie wanted her, or at least needed her, lying weak and
-despairing, waiting for a sign from home. It was difficult to realise
-her brother so, or to believe, indeed, that he could want her very much,
-that there was any yearning in his heart towards his own flesh and
-blood. But Mrs. Leigh thought so, and how could she refuse? How could
-she refuse? The problem was too much for her. She looked into Mrs.
-Leigh’s face with an appeal for help.</p>
-
-<p>“My dear,” her companion said, leaving a calm and cool hand upon Bee’s
-arm, which trembled with nervous excitement, “If you are afraid of
-meeting Aubrey, compose yourself. Aubrey would rather go to the end of
-the world than give you any pain, or put himself in your way. We are
-laying no trap for you&mdash;I should not have come if the case had not been
-urgent. Never would I have come had it been a question of my son; I
-would not beguile you even for his sake. It is for your brother, Bee;
-not for Aubrey, not for Aubrey!”</p>
-
-<p>Not for Aubrey! Was that any comfort, was there any strength in that
-assurance? At all events, these were the words that rang through Bee’s
-head, as she made her hurried preparations. She had almost repeated them
-aloud in the hasty explanations she made to Moss upstairs, who was now
-at the head of the nursery, and to the housekeeper below. To neither of
-these functionaries did it seem of any solemn importance that Bee should
-go away for a day or two. There was no objection on their part to being
-left at the head of affairs. And then Bee felt herself carried along by
-the whirl of strange excitement and feeling which rather than the less
-etherial methods of an express train seemed to sweep her through the air
-of the darkening spring night by Mrs. Leigh’s side. A few hours before
-she had felt herself the most helpless of dependent creatures, abandoned
-by all, incapable of doing anything. And now, what was she doing?
-Rushing into the heart of the conflict, assuming an individual part in
-it, acting on her own responsibility. She could scarcely believe it was
-herself who sat there by Mrs. Leigh’s side.</p>
-
-<p>But not for Aubrey, not for Aubrey! This kept ringing in her ears, like
-the tolling of a bell, through all the other sounds. She sat in one
-corner of the carriage, and listened to Mrs. Leigh’s explanations, and
-to the clang of the engine and rush of the train, all mingled together
-in bewildering confusion. But the other voice filled all space, echoing
-through everything. Bee felt herself trembling on the edge of a crisis,
-such as her life had never known. All the world seemed to be set against
-her, her enemy, perhaps her father, and all the habitual authorities of
-her young and subject life, now suddenly rising into rebellion. She
-would have to do and say things which she would not have ventured so
-much as to think of a little time ago; but whatever she might have to
-encounter there was to be no renewal to Bee of her own story and
-meaning. It was not for Aubrey that she was called or wanted&mdash;for the
-succour of others, for sisterly help, for charity and kindness; but not
-for her own love or life.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XLIII" id="CHAPTER_XLIII"></a>CHAPTER XLIII.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">It</span> was to a house in one of the streets of Mayfair that Mrs. Leigh
-conveyed her young companion; one of those small expensive places where
-persons within the circle of what is called the world in London contrive
-to live with as little comfort and the greatest expenditure possible. It
-is dark and often dingy in Mayfair; nowhere is it more difficult to keep
-furniture, or even human apparel, clean; the rooms are small and the
-streets shabby; but it is one of the right places in which to live, not
-so perfect as it was once, indeed, but still furnishing an unimpeachable
-address.</p>
-
-<p>It had half put on the aspect of the season by this time; some of the
-balconies were full of flowers, and the air of resuscitation which
-comes to certain quarters of London after Easter, as if, indeed, they
-too had risen from the dead, was vaguely visible. To be sure, little of
-this was apparent in the dim lamplight when the two ladies arrived at
-the door. Bee was hurried upstairs through the narrow passage, though
-she had been very keenly aware that someone in the lower room had
-momentarily lifted the blind to look out as they arrived&mdash;someone who
-did not appear, who made no sound, who had nothing to do with her or her
-life.</p>
-
-<p>The rooms, which are usually the drawing-rooms of such a house, were
-turned evidently into the apartments of the sufferer. In the back room
-which they entered first was a nurse who greeted the ladies in dumb
-show, and whose white head-dress and apron had the strangest effect in
-the semi-darkness. She said, half by gesture, half with whispered words
-more visible than audible, “He is up&mdash;better&mdash;impatient&mdash;good
-sign&mdash;discontented with everything. Is this the lady?”</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Leigh answered in the same way, “His sister&mdash;shall I go with
-her?&mdash;you?&mdash;alone?”</p>
-
-<p>“By herself,” said the nurse, laconic; and almost inaudible as this
-conversation was, it occasioned a stirring and movement in the inner
-room.</p>
-
-<p>“What a noise you make,” cried a querulous, unsteady voice, “Who’s
-there&mdash;who’s there?”</p>
-
-<p>The nurse took Bee’s hat from her head, with a noiseless swift movement,
-and relieved her of the little cloak she was wearing. She took her by
-the arm and pushed her softly forward. “Nothing to worry. Soothe him,”
-she breathed, holding up a curtain that Bee might pass. The room was but
-badly lighted, a single lamp on a table almost extinguished by the
-shade, a fire burning though the night was warm, and one of the long
-windows open, letting in the atmosphere and sounds of the London street.
-Bee stole in, an uncertain shadow into the shaded room, less eager than
-frightened and over-awed by this sudden entrance into the presence of
-sickness and misery. She was not accustomed to associate such things
-with her brother. It did not seem anyone with whom she was acquainted
-that she was about to see.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Charlie!” the little cry and movement she made, falling down on her
-knees beside him, raised a pale, unhappy face, half covered with the
-down of an irregular fledgling beard from the pillow.</p>
-
-<p>“Hallo!” he said, and then in a tone of disappointment and disdain,
-“You!”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Charlie, Charlie dear! You have been ill and we never knew.”</p>
-
-<p>“How do you know now? They knew I never wanted you to know,” he said.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Charlie&mdash;who ought to know but your own people? We have been
-wretched, thinking all sorts of dreadful things&mdash;but not this.”</p>
-
-<p>“Naturally,” he said, “my own people might be trusted never to think the
-right thing. Now you do know you may as well take yourself off. I don’t
-want you&mdash;or anybody,” he added, with an impatient sigh.</p>
-
-<p>“Charlie&mdash;oh, please let me stay with you. Who should be with you but
-your sister? And I know&mdash;a great deal about nursing. Mamma&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“I say&mdash;hold your tongue, can’t you? Who wants you to talk&mdash;of anything
-of that sort?”</p>
-
-<p>Bee heard a slight stir in the curtains, and looking back hastily as she
-dried her streaming eyes saw the laconic nurse making signs to her. The
-sight of the stranger was more effectual even than her signs, and
-restored Bee’s self-command at once.</p>
-
-<p>“Why did they bring you here?” said Charlie. “I didn’t want you; they
-know what I want, well enough.”</p>
-
-<p>“What is it you want, oh, Charlie dear? Papa&mdash;and all of us&mdash;will do
-anything in the world you want.”</p>
-
-<p>“Papa,” he said, and his weakened and irregular voice ran through the
-gamut from a high feeble tone of irritation to the quaver of that
-self-pity which is so strong in all youthful trouble. “Yes, he would be
-pleased to get me out of the way, and be done with me now.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Charlie! You know how wrong that is. Papa has been&mdash;miserable&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>Charlie uttered a feeble laugh. He put his hand upon his chin, stroking
-down the irregular tufts of hair; even in his low state the poor boy had
-a certain pride in what he believed to be his beard.</p>
-
-<p>“Not much,” he said. “I daresay you’ve made a fuss&mdash;Betty and you. The
-governor will crack up Arthur for the F. O. and let me drop like a
-stone.”</p>
-
-<p>“No, Charlie, no. He has no such thought&mdash;he has taken such trouble not
-to let it be known. He would not advertise or anything.”</p>
-
-<p>“Advertise!” A sudden hot flush came over the gaunt face. “For me!” It
-did not seem that such a thought had ever occurred to the young man.
-“Like the fellows in the newspapers that steal their master’s
-money&mdash;‘All is arranged and you can return to your situation.’ By
-George!”</p>
-
-<p>There was again a faint rustle in the curtains. Bee sprang up with her
-natural impatience, and went straight to the spot whence this sound had
-come.</p>
-
-<p>“If I am not to speak to my brother alone and in freedom, I will not
-speak to him at all,” she said.</p>
-
-<p>The laconic nurse remonstrated violently with her lips and eyes.</p>
-
-<p>“Don’t excite him. Don’t disturb him. He’ll not sleep all night,” she
-managed to convey, with much arching of the eyebrows and mouth, then
-disappeared silently out of the bedroom behind.</p>
-
-<p>“What’s that?” said Charlie, sharply. He moved on his sofa, and turned
-his head round with difficulty. “Are there more of you to come?”</p>
-
-<p>There seemed a kind of hope and expectation in the question, but when
-Bee answered with despondency, “There’s only me, Charlie,” he broke out
-harshly:</p>
-
-<p>“I don’t want you&mdash;I want none of you; I told them so. You can go and
-tell my father, as soon as they let me get out I’m going off to New
-Zealand or somewhere&mdash;the furthest-off place I can get to.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Charlie!” cried Bee, taking every word as the sincerest utterance
-of a fixed intention, “what could you do there?”</p>
-
-<p>“Die, I suppose,” he said, with again that quaver of self-compassion in
-his voice, “or go to the dogs, which will be easy enough. You may say,
-why didn’t I die here and be done with it? I don’t know&mdash;I’m sure I
-wanted to. It was that doctor fellow, and that woman that talks with her
-eyebrows, and that confounded cad, Leigh&mdash;they wouldn’t let me. And
-I’ve got so weak; if you don’t go away this moment I’ll cry like a
-dashed baby!” with a more piteous quaver than ever in the remnant of his
-once manly voice.</p>
-
-<p>All that Bee could do was to throw her arms round his neck and draw his
-head upon her shoulder, which he resisted fiercely for a moment, then
-yielded to in the abandonment of his weakness. Poor Charlie felt,
-perhaps, a momentary sweetness in the relaxation of all the bonds of
-self-control, and all the well-meaning attempts to keep him from
-injuring himself by emotion; the unexpected outburst did him good,
-partly because it was a breach of all the discipline of the sick room.
-Presently he came to himself and pushed Bee away.</p>
-
-<p>“What do you come bothering about?” he said; “you ought to have left me
-alone. I’ve made my bed, and I’ve got to lie on it. I don’t suppose that
-anyone has taken the trouble to&mdash;ask about me?” he added, after a little
-while, in what was intended for a careless tone.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Charlie, everyone who has known; but papa would let nobody know:
-except at Oxford. We&mdash;went to Oxford&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>He got up on his pillow with his eyes shining out of their hollow
-sockets, his long limbs coming to the ground with a faint thump. Poor
-Charlie was young enough to have grown during his illness, and those
-gaunt limbs seemed unreasonably long.</p>
-
-<p>“You went to Oxford!” he said, “and you saw&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Dear Charlie, they will say I am exciting you&mdash;doing you harm&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“You saw?” he cried, bringing down his fist upon the table with a blow
-that made the very floor shake.</p>
-
-<p>“Yes,” said Bee, trembling, “we saw&mdash;or rather papa saw&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>He pushed up the shade of the lamp with his long bony fingers, and fixed
-his eyes, bright with fever, on her face.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Charlie, don’t look at me so!&mdash;the lady whom you used to talk to me
-about&mdash;whom I saw in the academy&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes?”&mdash;he grasped her hand across the table with a momentary hot
-pressure.</p>
-
-<p>“She came and saw papa in the hotel. She told him about you, and that
-you had&mdash;oh, Charlie, and she so old&mdash;as old as&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Hold your tongue!” he cried, violently, and then with a long-drawn
-breath, “What more? She told him&mdash;and he was rude, I suppose. Confound
-him! Confound&mdash;confound them all!”</p>
-
-<p>“I will not say another word unless you are quiet,” said Bee, her spirit
-rising; “put up your feet on the sofa and be quiet, and remember all the
-risk you are running&mdash;or I will not say another word.”</p>
-
-<p>He obeyed her with murmurs of complaint, but no longer with the languid
-gloom of his first accost. Hope seemed to have come into his heart. He
-subdued himself, lay back among his pillows, obeyed her in all she
-stipulated. The light from underneath the raised shade played on his
-face and gave it a tinge of colour, though it showed more clearly the
-emaciation of the outlines and the aspect of neglect, rather than, as
-poor Charlie hoped, of enhanced manly dignity, conveyed by the irregular
-sick man’s growth of the infant beard.</p>
-
-<p>“Papa was not rude,” said Bee, “he is never rude; he is a gentleman.
-Worse than that&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Worse&mdash;than what?”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, I cannot understand you at all, you and&mdash;the rest,” cried the girl;
-“one after another you give in to her, you admire her, you do what she
-tells you&mdash;that woman who has harmed me all she can, and you all she
-can, and now&mdash;Charlie!” Bee stopped with astonishment and indignation.
-Her brother had raised himself up again, and aimed a furious but futile
-blow at her in the air. It did not touch her, but the indignity was no
-less on that account.</p>
-
-<p>“Well,” he cried, again bringing down that hand which could not reach
-her, on the table, “How dare you speak of one you’re not worthy to name?
-Ah! I might have known she wouldn’t desert me. It is she who has kept
-the way open, and subdued my father, and&mdash;&mdash;” An ineffable look of
-happiness came upon the worn and gaunt countenance, his eyes softened,
-his voice fell. “I might have known!” he said to himself, “I might have
-known!”</p>
-
-<p>And what could Bee say? Though she did not believe in&mdash;though she hated
-and feared with a child’s intensity of terror the woman who had so often
-crossed her path&mdash;she could not contradict her brother’s faith, though
-she considered it an infatuation, a folly beyond belief; it seemed,
-after all, in a manner true that this woman had not deserted him. She
-had subdued his father’s displeasure somehow, made everything easier.
-Bee looked at him, the victim of those wiles, yet nevertheless indebted
-to them, with the same exasperation which her father’s subjugation had
-caused her. What could she say, what could she do, to reveal to them
-that enchantress in her true colours? But Bee knew that she could do
-nothing, and there began to rise in her heart a dreadful question, Was
-it so sure that she herself was right? Was this woman, indeed, an evil
-Fate, or was she, was she&mdash;&mdash;? And the first story of all, the story of
-Aubrey, was it perhaps true?</p>
-
-<p>The nurse came in noiselessly, hurrying, while Bee’s mind ran through
-those thoughts&mdash;evidently with the conviction that she would find the
-patient worse. But Charlie was not worse. He turned his face towards
-his attendant, still with something of that dreamy rapture in it.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, you may speak out,” he said; “I don’t mind noises to-night. Supper?
-Yes, I’ll take some supper. Bring me a beefsteak or something
-substantial. I’m going to get well at once.”</p>
-
-<p>Nurse nodded at Bee, with much uplifting of her eyelids. “Put no faith
-in you,” she said, working the machinery of her lips; “was wrong; done
-him no end of good. Beefsteak; not exactly; but soon, soon, if you’re
-good.”</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XLIV" id="CHAPTER_XLIV"></a>CHAPTER XLIV.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">Bee</span> saw no more of Charlie that night. When she came out of his room,
-where there was a certain meaning in her presence, she seemed to pass
-into the region of dreams. She was taken upstairs to refresh herself and
-rest, into the smaller of two bedrooms which were over Charlie’s room,
-the other of which was occupied by Mrs. Leigh. And she was taken
-downstairs to dine with that lady <i>tête-à-tête</i> at the small shining
-table. There was something about the little house altogether, a certain
-conciseness, an absence of drapery, and of the small elegant litter
-which is so general nowadays, which gave it a masculine character&mdash;or,
-at least, Bee, not accustomed to æsthetic young men, accustomed rather
-to big boys and their scorn of the decorative arts, thought so with a
-curious flutter of her being. This perhaps was partly because the
-ornamental part of the house was devoted to Charlie, and the little
-dining-room below seemed the sole room to live in. It had one or two
-portraits hung on the walls, pictures almost too much for its small
-dimensions. The still smaller room behind was clothed with books, and
-had for its only ornament a small portrait of Mrs. Leigh over the
-mantel-piece. Whose rooms were these? Who had furnished them so gravely,
-and left behind an impression of serious character which almost chilled
-the heart of Bee? He was nowhere visible, nor any trace of him. No
-allusion was made as to an absent master of the house, and yet it bore
-an air so individual that Bee’s sensitive being was moved by it, with
-all the might of something stranger than imagination. She stood
-trembling among the books, looking at the mother’s portrait over the
-mantel-piece, feeling as if the very mantel-shelf on which she rested
-her arm was warm with the touch of his. But not a word was said, not an
-allusion made to Aubrey.</p>
-
-<p>What had she to do with Aubrey? Nothing&mdash;less than with any other man in
-the world&mdash;any stranger to whom she could speak with freedom,
-interchanging the common coin of ordinary intercourse. He was the only
-man in the world whom she must not talk of, must not see&mdash;the only one
-of whose presence it was necessary to obliterate every sign, and never
-to utter the name where she was. Poor Bee! Yet she felt him near, his
-presence suggested by everything, his name always latent in the air. She
-slept and waked in that strange atmosphere as in a dream. In Aubrey’s
-house, yet with Aubrey obliterated&mdash;the one person in existence with
-whom she had nothing, nothing to do.</p>
-
-<p>It was late before she was allowed to see her brother next day, and Bee,
-in the meantime, left to her own devices, had not known what to do. She
-had taken pen and paper two or three times to let her father know that
-Charlie was found, but her mind revolted, somehow, from making that
-intimation. What would happen when he knew? He would come here
-immediately; he would probably attempt to remove Charlie; he would
-certainly order Bee away at once from a place so unsuitable for her. It
-was unsuitable for her, and yet&mdash;She scarcely saw even Mrs. Leigh after
-breakfast, but was left to herself, with the door open into that
-sanctuary which was Aubrey’s, with all his books and the newspapers laid
-out upon the table. Bee sat in the dining-room and looked into that
-other secluded place. In the light of day she dared not go into it. It
-seemed like thrusting herself into his presence who had no thought of
-her, who did not want her. Oh, not for Aubrey! Aubrey would not for the
-world disturb her, or bring any embarrassment into her mind. Aubrey
-would rather disappear from his own house, as if he had never existed,
-than remind her that he did exist, and perhaps sometimes thought of her
-still. Did he ever think of her? Bee knew that it would be wrong and
-unlike Aubrey if he kept in these rooms the poor little photograph of
-her almost childish face which he had once prized so much. It would have
-been indelicate, unlike a gentleman; and yet she made a hasty and
-furtive search everywhere to see if, perhaps, it might be somewhere, in
-some book or little frame. She would have been angry had she found it,
-and indignant; yet she felt a certain desolate sense of being altogether
-out of the question, steal into her heart, when she did not find it&mdash;in
-the inconsistencies of which the heart is full.</p>
-
-<p>It was mid-day when she was called upstairs, to find Charlie established
-in the room which should have been the drawing-room, and round which she
-threw another wistful look as she came into it in full daylight. Oh, not
-a woman’s room in any way, with none of those little photograph frames
-about which strew a woman’s table&mdash;not one, and consequently none of
-Bee. She took this in at the first glance, as she made the three or four
-little steps between the door and Charlie’s couch. He was more
-hollow-eyed and worn in the daylight than he had been even on the night
-before, his appearance entirely changed from that of the commonplace
-young Oxford man to an eager, anxious being, with all the cares of a
-troubled soul concentrated in his eyes. Mrs. Leigh sat near him, and
-the nurse was busy with cushions and pillows arranging his couch.</p>
-
-<p>“My dear, you will be thankful to hear that the doctor gives a very good
-report to-day. He says that, though he would not have sanctioned it, my
-remedy has done wonders. You are my remedy, Bee. I am proud of so
-successful an idea&mdash;though, to be sure, it was a very simple one. Now
-you must go on and complete the cure, and I give you <i>carte blanche</i>.
-Ask anyone here, anyone you please, so long as it is not too much for
-Charlie. He may see one or two people if nurse sanctions it. I am going
-out myself for the day. I shall not return till late in the afternoon,
-and you are mistress in the meantime&mdash;absolute mistress,” said Mrs.
-Leigh, kissing her. Bee felt that Aubrey’s mother would not even meet
-her eyes lest she should throw too much meaning into these words. Oh,
-there was no meaning in them, except so far as Charlie was concerned.</p>
-
-<p>And then she was left alone with her brother, the most natural, the only
-suitable arrangement. Nurse gave the last pat to his cushions, the last
-twist to the coverlet, which was over his gaunt limbs, appealed to him
-the last time in dumb show whether he wanted anything, and then
-withdrew. It was most natural that his sister, whose appearance had done
-him so much good, should be left with him as his nurse; but she was
-frightened, and Charlie self-absorbed, and it was some time before
-either found a word to say. At last he said, “Bee!” calling her
-attention, and then was silent again for some time, speaking no more.</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, Charlie!” There was a flutter in Bee’s voice as in her heart.</p>
-
-<p>“I say, I wasn’t, perhaps, very nice to you last night; I couldn’t bear
-to be brought back; but they say I’m twice as well since you came. So I
-am. I’ve got something to keep me up. Bee, look here. Am I dreadful to
-look at? I know I haven’t an ounce of flesh left on my bones, but some
-don’t mind that; and then, my beard. I’ve heard it said that a beard
-that never was shaved was&mdash;was&mdash;an embellishment, don’t you know. Do you
-think I’m dreadful to look at, Bee?”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Charlie,” said the girl, from the depths of her heart, “what does
-it matter how you look? The more ill you look the more need you have for
-your own people about you, who never would think twice of that.”</p>
-
-<p>Charlie’s gaunt countenance was distorted with a grin of rage and
-annoyance. “I wish you’d shut up about my own people. The governor,
-perhaps, with his grand air, or Betty, as sharp as a needle&mdash;as if I
-wanted them!&mdash;or to be told that they would put up with me.”</p>
-
-<p>“Charlie,” said Bee, trembling, “I don’t want to vex you, you are a
-little&mdash;but couldn’t you have a barber to come, and perhaps he could
-take it off.”</p>
-
-<p>There came a flash of fire out of Charlie’s eyes; he put up his hand to
-his face, as if to protect that beard in which he at least believed&mdash;“I
-might have known,” he said, “that you were the last person! A fellow’s
-sister is always like that: just as we never think anything of a girl’s
-looks in our own families. Well, you’ve given your opinion on that
-subject. And you think that people who care for me wouldn’t think twice
-of that?”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, no,” said Bee, clasping her hands, “how should they? But only feel
-for you far, far more.”</p>
-
-<p>Charlie took down his hand from his young beard. He looked at her with
-his hollow eyes full of anxiety, yet with a certain complacence.
-“Interesting?”&mdash;he said, “is that what you meant to say?”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, yes,” cried Bee, her eyes full of pity, “for they can see what you
-have gone through, and how much you have been suffering,&mdash;if there was
-any need of making you more interesting to us.”</p>
-
-<p>Charlie stroked down his little tufts of wool for some time without
-speaking, and then he said in a caressing tone unusual to him, “I want
-you to do me a favour, Bee.”</p>
-
-<p>“Anything&mdash;anything, whatever you wish, Charlie.”</p>
-
-<p>“There is just one thing I wish, and one person I want to see. Sit down
-and write a note&mdash;you need not do more than say where I am,” said
-Charlie, speaking quickly. “Say I am here, and have been very ill, but
-that the hope she’d come, and to hear that she had forgiven me, was like
-new life. Well! what is the meaning of your ‘anything, anything,’ if
-you break down at the first thing I ask you? Look here, Bee, if you wish
-me to live and get well you’ll do what I say.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Charlie, how can I?&mdash;how can I?&mdash;when you know what I
-feel&mdash;about&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“What you feel&mdash;about? Who cares what you feel? You think perhaps it was
-you that did me all that good last night. That’s all conceit, like the
-nonsense in novels, where a woman near your bed when you’re ill makes
-all the difference. Girls,” said Charlie, “are puffed up with that folly
-and believe anything. You know I didn’t want you. It was what you told
-me about <i>her</i> that did me good. And your humbug, sitting there crying,
-‘anything, anything!’ Well, here’s something! You need not write a
-regular letter, if you don’t like it. Put where I am&mdash;Charlie Kingsward
-very ill; will you come and see him? A telegram would do, and it would
-be quicker; send a telegram,” he cried.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Charlie!”</p>
-
-<p>“Give me the paper and pencil&mdash;I’m shaky, but I can do that much
-myself&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Charlie, I’ll do it rather than vex you; but I don’t know where to send
-it.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, I can tell you that&mdash;Avondale, near the Parks, Oxford.”</p>
-
-<p>“She is not there now&mdash;she is in London,” said Bee, in a low tone.</p>
-
-<p>“In London?” Again the long, gaunt limbs came to the ground with a
-thump. “Bee, if you could get me a hansom perhaps I could go.”</p>
-
-<p>The nurse at this moment came in noiselessly, and Charlie shrank before
-her. She put him back on the sofa with a swift movement. “If you go on
-like this I’ll take the young lady away,” she said.</p>
-
-<p>“I’ll not go on&mdash;I’ll be as meek as Moses; but, nurse, tell her she
-mustn’t contradict a man in my state. She must do what I say.”</p>
-
-<p>Nurse turned her back upon the patient, and made the usual grimaces;
-“Humour him,” her lips and eyebrows said.</p>
-
-<p>“Charlie, papa knows the address, and Betty&mdash;and I ought, oh, I ought to
-let them know at once that you are here.”</p>
-
-<p>“Betty!” he said, with a grimace, “what does that little thing know?”</p>
-
-<p>“She knows&mdash;better than you think I do; and papa&mdash;&mdash; Papa is never happy
-but when he is with that lady. He goes to see her every day; she writes
-to him and he writes to her; they go out together,” cried Bee, thinking
-of that invitation to Portman Square which had seemed the last insult
-which she could be called on to bear.</p>
-
-<p>Charlie smiled&mdash;the same smile of ineffable self-complacence and
-confidence which had replaced in a moment the gloom of the previous
-night; and then he grew grave. He was not such a fool, he said to
-himself, as to be jealous of his own father; but still he grudged that
-anyone but himself should have her company. He remembered what it was to
-go to see her every day, to write to her, to have her letters, to be
-privileged to give her his arm now and then, to escort her here or
-there. If it had been another fellow! But a man’s father&mdash;the governor!
-He was not a rival. Charlie imagined to himself the conversations with
-him for their subject, and how, perhaps for the first time, the governor
-would learn to do him justice, seeing him through Laura’s eyes. It was
-true that she had rejected him, had almost laughed at him, had sent him
-away so completely broken down and miserable that he had not cared what
-became of him. But hope had sprung within him, all the more wildly from
-that downfall. It was like her to go to the old gentleman (it was thus
-he considered his father) to explain everything, to set him right. She
-would not have done so if her heart had not relented&mdash;her heart was so
-kind. She must have felt what it was to drive a man to despair&mdash;and now
-she was working for him, soothing down the governor, bringing everything
-back.</p>
-
-<p>“Eh?” he said, vaguely, some time after; he had in the meantime heard
-Bee’s voice going on vaguely addressing somebody, in the air, “are you
-speaking to me?”</p>
-
-<p>“There is no one else to speak to,” cried Bee, almost angrily. And then
-she said, “Charlie&mdash;how can you ask her to come here?”</p>
-
-<p>“Why not here? She’ll go anywhere to do a kind thing.”</p>
-
-<p>“But not to this house&mdash;not here, not here!”</p>
-
-<p>“Why not, I should like to know&mdash;what’s here?” Then Charlie stared at
-her for a moment with his hollow eyes, and broke into a low, feeble
-laugh.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh,” he said, “I know what you’ve got in your head&mdash;because of that
-confounded cad, Aubrey Leigh? That is just why she will come, to show
-what a lie all that was&mdash;as if she ever would have looked twice at a
-fellow like Leigh.”</p>
-
-<p>“He seems to have saved your life,” said Bee, confused, not knowing what
-to think.</p>
-
-<p>“You mean he gave me house-room when I was ill, and sent for a doctor.
-Why, any shop-keeper would have done that. And now,” said Charlie, with
-a grin, “he shall be fully paid back.”</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XLV" id="CHAPTER_XLV"></a>CHAPTER XLV.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">Betty Kingsward</span> lived in what was to her a whirl of pleasure at Portman
-Square, where everybody was fond of her, and all manner of
-entertainments were devised for her pleasure. And her correspondence was
-not usually of an exciting character. Her morning letters, when she had
-any, were placed by her plate on the breakfast-table. If any came by
-other posts, she got them when she had a spare moment to look for them,
-and she had scarcely a spare moment at this very lively and very happy
-moment of her young career. Besides, that particular evening when Bee’s
-note arrived was a very important one to Betty. It was the evening on
-which Miss Lance was to dine with the Lyons. And it was not a mere
-quiet family dinner, but a party&mdash;a thing which in her newness and
-inexperience still excited the little girl, who was not to say properly
-“out,” in consequence of her mourning; still wearing black ribbons with
-her white frocks, and only allowed to accept invitations which were
-“quiet.” A dinner of twenty people is not exactly an entertainment for a
-girl of her years, but Betty’s excitement in the <i>debût</i> of Miss Lance
-was so great that no ball could have occupied her more. There was an
-unusual interest about it in the whole house, even Mrs. Lyon’s maid, the
-most staid of confidential persons, had begged Betty to point out to her
-over the baluster “the lady, Miss Betty, that is coming with your papa.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, she’s not coming with papa,” Betty had cried, with a laugh at
-Hobbs’ mistake, “she is only a great, great friend, Hobbs. You will
-easily know her, for there is nobody else so handsome.”</p>
-
-<p>“Handsome is as handsome does,” said the woman, and she patted Betty on
-the shoulder under pretence of arranging her ribbon.</p>
-
-<p>Betty had not the least idea why Hobbs looked at her with such
-compassionate eyes.</p>
-
-<p>Miss Lance, however, did come into the room, to Betty’s surprise,
-closely followed by Colonel Kingsward, as if they had arrived together.
-She was like a picture, in her black satin and lace, dressed not too
-young but rather too old for her age, as Mrs. Lyon pointed out, who was
-as much excited about her new guest as Betty herself; and the unknown
-lady had the greatest possible success in a party which consisted
-chiefly, as Betty did not remark, of old friends of Colonel Kingsward,
-with whom she had been acquainted all her life. Betty did not remark it,
-but Gerald Lyon did, who was more than ever her comrade and companion in
-this elderly company.</p>
-
-<p>“Why all these old fogies?” he had asked irreverently, as the gentlemen
-with stars on their coats and the ladies in diamonds came in.</p>
-
-<p>Betty perceived that it was an unusually solemn party, but thought no
-more of it. It was the evening of the first levee, and that, perhaps,
-was the reason why the old gentlemen wore their orders. Old gentlemen!
-They were the flower of the British army. Generals This and That, heads
-of departments; impossible to imagine more grand people&mdash;in the flower
-of their age, like Colonel Kingsward. But eighteen has its own ideas
-very clearly marked on that subject. Betty and Gerald stood by, lighting
-up one corner with a blaze of undeniable youth, to see them come in. The
-young pair were like flowers in comparison with the substantial size and
-well worn complexions of their seniors, and they were the only little
-nobodies, the sole representatives of undistinguished and ordinary
-humanity round the table. They were not by any means daunted by that. On
-the contrary, they felt themselves, as it were, soaring over the heads
-of all those limited persons who had attained, spurning the level
-heights of realisation. They did not in the least know what was to
-become of them in life, but naturally they made light of the others who
-did know, who had done all they were likely to do, and had no more to
-look to. The dignity of accomplished success filled the young ones with
-impulses of laughter; their inferiority gave them an elevation over all
-the grizzled heads; they felt themselves, nobodies, to be almost
-ludicrously, dizzily above the heads of the rest. Only one of the
-company seemed to see this, however; to cast them an occasional look,
-even to make them the confidants of an occasional smile, a raising of
-the eyebrows, a sort of unspoken comment on the fine company, which made
-Betty still more lively in her criticisms. But this made almost a
-quarrel between the two.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, I wish we were nearer to Miss Lance, to hear what she thinks of it
-all,” Betty said.</p>
-
-<p>“I can’t think what you see in that woman,” cried Gerald. “I, for one,
-have no desire to know her opinion.”</p>
-
-<p>Betty turned her little shoulder upon him with a glance of flame, that
-almost set the young man on fire.</p>
-
-<p>“You prejudiced, cynical, uncharitable, malicious, odious boy!” And they
-did not say another word to each other for five minutes by the clock.</p>
-
-<p>Miss Lance, however, there was no doubt, had a distinguished success.
-She captivated the gentlemen who were next to her at table, and, what
-was perhaps more difficult, she made a favourable impression upon the
-ladies in the drawing-room. Her aspect there, indeed, was of the most
-attractive kind. She drew Betty’s arm within her own, and said with a
-laugh, “You and I are the girls, little Betty, among all these grand
-married ladies;” and then she added, “Isn’t it a little absurd that we
-shouldn’t have some title to ourselves, we old maids?&mdash;for Miss means
-eighteen, and it’s hard that it should mean forty-two. Fancy the
-disappointment of hearing this juvenile title and then finding that it
-means a middle-aged woman.”</p>
-
-<p>She laughed so freely that some of the other ladies laughed too. The
-attention of all was directed towards the new comer, which Betty thought
-very natural, she was so much the handsomest of them all.</p>
-
-<p>“You mean the disappointment of a gentleman?” said one of the guests.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, no, of ladies too. Don’t you think women are just as fond of youth
-as men are, and as much disgusted with an elderly face veiling itself
-in false pretences? Oh, more! We think more of beauty than the men do,”
-said Miss Lance, raising her fine head as if to expose its features to
-the fire of all the glances bent upon her.</p>
-
-<p>There was a little chorus of cries, “Oh, no, no,” and arguments against
-so novel a view.</p>
-
-<p>But Miss Lance did not quail; her own beauty was done full justice to.
-She was so placed that more than one mirror in the old-fashioned room
-reflected her graceful and not unstudied pose.</p>
-
-<p>“I know it isn’t a usual view,” she said, “but if you’ll think of it a
-little you’ll find it’s true. The common thing is to talk about women
-being jealous of each other. If we are it is because we are always the
-first to find out a beautiful face&mdash;and usually we much exaggerate its
-power.”</p>
-
-<p>“Do you know,” said Mrs. Lyon in her quavering voice, “I almost think
-Miss Lance is right? Mr. Lyon instantly says ‘Humph!’ when I point out a
-pretty person to him. And Gerald tells me, ‘You think every girl pretty,
-aunt.’&nbsp;”</p>
-
-<p>“That is because there is one little girl that he thinks the most pretty
-of all,” said Miss Lance, with a sort of soft maternal coo in Betty’s
-ear.</p>
-
-<p>The subject was taken up and tossed about from one to another, while she
-who had originated it drew back a little, listening with an air of much
-attention, turning her head to each speaker, an attitude which was most
-effective. It will probably be thought the greatest waste of effort for
-a woman thus to exhibit what the newspapers call her personal advantages
-to a group of her own sex; but Miss Lance was a very clever woman, and
-she knew what she was about. After a time, when the first fervour of the
-argument was over, she returned to her first theme as to the appropriate
-title that ought to be invented for old maids.</p>
-
-<p>“I have thought of it a great deal,” she said. “I should have called
-myself Mrs. Laura Lance, to discriminate&mdash;but for the American custom of
-calling all married ladies so, which is absurd.”</p>
-
-<p>“I have a friend in New York who writes to me as Mrs. Mary Lyon,” said
-the mistress of the house.</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, which is ridiculous, you know; for you are not Mrs. Mary Lyon,
-dear lady. You are Mrs. Francis Lyon, if it is necessary to have a
-Christian name, for Lyon is your husband’s name, not yours. You are Mrs.
-Mary Howard by rights&mdash;if in such a matter there are any rights.”</p>
-
-<p>“What!” cried old Mr. Lyon, coming in after the long array of gentlemen,
-“are you going to divorce my wife from me, or give her another name, or
-what are you going to do? We thought it was we only who could change the
-ladies’ names, Kingsward, eh?”</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward had placed himself immediately in front of Miss Lance,
-and Betty, looking on all unsuspicious, saw a glance pass between
-them&mdash;or rather, she saw Miss Lance look up into her father’s face.
-Betty did not know in the least what that look meant, but it gave her a
-little shock as if she had touched an electric battery. It meant
-something more than to Betty’s consciousness had ever been put into
-words. She turned her eyes away for a moment to escape the curious
-thrill that ran through her, and in that moment met Gerald Lyon’s eyes,
-full of something malicious, mocking, disagreeable, which made Betty
-very angry. But she could not explain to herself what all these looks
-meant.</p>
-
-<p>This curious sensation somehow spoiled the rest of the evening for
-Betty. Everybody it seemed to her after this meant something&mdash;something
-more than they said. They looked at her father, they looked at Miss
-Lance, they looked even at Betty’s little self, embracing all three,
-sometimes in one comprehensive glance. And all kinds of significant
-little speeches were made as the company went away. “I am so glad to
-have seen her,” one lady said in an undertone to Mrs. Lyon. “One
-regrets, of course, but one is thankful it is no worse.” “I think,” said
-another, “it will do very well&mdash;I think it will do very well; thank you
-for the opportunity.” And “Charming, my dear Mrs. Lyon, charming,” said
-another. They all spoke low and in the most confidential tone. What was
-it they were all so interested about?</p>
-
-<p>The last of the party to go were Miss Lance and Colonel Kingsward. They
-seemed to go away together as they had seemed to come together.</p>
-
-<p>“Your father is so kind as to see me home,” Miss Lance said, by way of
-explanation. “I am not a grand lady with a carriage. I am old enough to
-walk home by myself, and I always do it, but as Colonel Kingsward is so
-kind, of course I like company best.”</p>
-
-<p>She too had a private word with Mrs. Lyon, at the head of the stairs.
-Betty did not want to listen, but she heard by instinct the repeated
-“Thank you, thank you! How can I ever express how much I thank you?”
-Betty was so bewildered that she could not think. She paid no attention
-to her father, who put his hands on her shoulders when he said
-“Good-night,” and said, “Betty, I’ll see you to-morrow.” Oh, of course,
-she should see him to-morrow&mdash;or not, as circumstances might ordain.
-What did it matter? She was not anxious to see her father to-morrow, it
-could not be of the least importance whether they met or not; but what
-Betty would really have liked would have been to find out what all these
-little whisperings could mean.</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Lyon came up to her when the last, to wit, Colonel Kingsward
-following Miss Lance, had disappeared, and put her arms round the little
-girl. “You are looking a little tired,” she said, “just this last hour.
-I did not think they would stay so late. It is all Miss Lance, I
-believe, setting us on to argue with her metaphysics. Well, everybody
-likes her very much, which will please you, my dear, as you are so fond
-of her. And now, Betty, you must run off to bed. There’s hardly time for
-your beauty sleep.”</p>
-
-<p>“Mrs. Lyon,” said Betty, very curious, “was it to meet Miss Lance that
-all those grand people came?”</p>
-
-<p>“I don’t know what you call grand people. They are all great friends of
-ours and also of your father’s, and I think you know them every one. And
-they all know each other.”</p>
-
-<p>“Except Miss Lance,” said Gerald, who was always disagreeable&mdash;always,
-when anyone mentioned Miss Lance’s name.</p>
-
-<p>“I know her, certainly, and better than any of them! And there is nobody
-so delightful,” Betty cried, with fervour, partly because she believed
-what she said, and partly to be disagreeable in her turn to him.</p>
-
-<p>“And so they all seemed to think,” said old Mr. Lyon, “though I’m not so
-fond of new people as the rest of you. Lay hands suddenly on no man is
-what I say.”</p>
-
-<p>“And I say the same as my uncle,” said Gerald, “and it’s still more true
-of a woman than a man.”</p>
-
-<p>“You are such an experienced person,” said the old lady; “they know so
-much better than we do, Betty. But never you mind, for your friend has
-made an excellent impression upon all these people&mdash;the most
-tremendously respectable people,” Mrs. Lyon said, “none of your artists
-and light-minded persons! Make yourself comfortable with that thought,
-and good night, my little Betty. You must not stay up so late another
-night.”</p>
-
-<p>What nonsense that was of staying up late, when it was not yet twelve
-o’clock! But Betty went off to her room with a little confusion and
-bewilderment of mind, happy on the whole, but feeling as if she had
-something to think about when she should be alone. What was it she had
-to think about? She could not think what it was when she sat down alone
-to study her problem. There was no problem, and what the departing
-guests had said to Mrs. Lyon was quite simple, and referred to something
-that was their own business, that had nothing to do with Betty. How
-could it have anything to do with Betty?</p>
-
-<p>Around the corner of the Park, Bee, too, was sitting alone and thinking
-at the same time, and the two sets of thoughts, neither very clear,
-revolved round the same circle. But neither of the sisters knew,
-concerning this problem, whereabouts the other was.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XLVI" id="CHAPTER_XLVI"></a>CHAPTER XLVI.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">And</span> yet all this time there lay upon Betty’s table, concealed under the
-pretty laced handkerchiefs which she had pulled out of their sachet to
-choose one for the party, Bee’s little tremulous letter, expressing a
-state of mind more agitated than that of Betty, and full of wonderings
-and trouble. It was found there by the maid who put things in order next
-morning, when she called the young visitor.</p>
-
-<p>“Here’s a letter that came last night, and you have never opened it,”
-said the maid, half reproachfully. She, at least, she was anxious to
-note, had not been to blame.</p>
-
-<p>Betty took it with great <i>sang froid</i>. She saw by the writing it was
-only Bee’s&mdash;and Bee’s news was never imperative. There could not be
-much to disclose to her of the state of affairs at Kingswarden that was
-new, since the night before last.</p>
-
-<p>But the result was that Betty went downstairs in her hat and gloves, and
-that Mr. Lyon and Gerald, who were both sitting down to that substantial
-breakfast which is the first symbol of good health and a good conscience
-in England, had much ado to detain her long enough to share that meal.</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Lyon did not come downstairs in the morning, so that they used the
-argument of helplessness, professing themselves unable to pour out their
-own tea.</p>
-
-<p>“And what business can Betty have of such importance that she must run
-out without her breakfast?” said the old gentleman.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, it is news I have heard which I must take at once to papa!”</p>
-
-<p>The two gentlemen looked at each other, and Mr. Lyon shook his big, old
-head.</p>
-
-<p>“I would not trouble your papa, my dear, with anything you may have
-heard. Depend upon it, he will let you know anything he wishes you to
-know&mdash;in his own time.”</p>
-
-<p>“But it is news&mdash;news,” said Betty; “news about Charlie!”</p>
-
-<p>Then she remembered that very little had been said even to the Lyons
-about Charlie, and stopped with embarrassment, and her friends could not
-but believe that this was a hasty expedient to conceal from them that
-she had heard something&mdash;some flying rumour which had set her little
-impetuous being on fire. When she had escaped from their sympathetic
-looks and Gerald’s magnanimous proposal to accompany her&mdash;without so
-much as an egg to fortify him for the labours of the day!&mdash;Betty set
-out, crossing the Park in the early glory of the morning, which feels at
-nine o’clock what six o’clock feels in the country, to carry the news to
-her father.</p>
-
-<p>Charlie found, and ill; and demanding to see Miss Lance, his health and
-recovery depending upon whether he should see her or not! Betty’s first
-instinct had been to hasten at once to George Street, Hanover Square,
-but then she remembered that papa presumably was the one who was most
-anxious about Charlie and had the best right to know, and it was perhaps
-better not to explain to the friends in Portman Square why Miss Lance
-should go to Charlie. Indeed, when she had set out, a great many
-questions occurred to Betty, circulating through her lively little mind
-without any possibility of an answer to them. Why should Charlie be so
-anxious to see Miss Lance? Why had he been so long there, ill, and
-nobody come to tell his people of it? And what was Bee doing in Curzon
-Street, in Aubrey Leigh’s house, which was the last house in the world
-where she had any right to be? But she walked so fast, and the sunny air
-with all its movement and lightness so carried her on and filled her
-with pleasant sounds and images, that these thoughts, blowing like the
-wind through her little intelligence, had not much effect on Betty
-now&mdash;though there was incipient trouble in them, as even she could see.</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward was seated at his breakfast when his little girl burst
-in upon him in all the freshness of the morning. Her youth and her
-bloom, and her white frock, notwithstanding its black accoutrements,
-made a great show in the dark-coloured, solemn, official-looking room,
-with its Turkey carpets and morocco chairs. The Colonel was evidently
-startled by the sight of her. He said, “Well?” in that tone of
-self-defence, and almost defiance, with which a man prepares for being
-called upon to give an account of himself; as if anything so absurd
-could be possible as that Betty, little Betty, could call upon her
-father to give an account of himself! But then it is very true that when
-there is something to be accounted for, the strongest feel how
-“conscience doth make cowards of us all.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh,” she cried, breathless, “Papa&mdash;Charlie! Bee has found Charlie, and
-he’s been very ill&mdash;typhoid fever; he’s getting better, and he’s in
-London, and she’s with him; and he wants but to see Miss Lance. Oh,
-papa, that’s what I came about chiefly&mdash;he wants to see Miss Lance.”</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward’s face changed many times during this breathless
-deliverance. He said first, “He’s at Mackinnon’s, I know;” then, “In
-London!” with no pleasure at all in his tone; and finally, “Miss Lance!”
-angrily, his face covered with a dark glow.</p>
-
-<p>“What is all this?” he cried, when she stopped for want of breath.
-“Charlie&mdash;in town? You must be out of your senses. Why, he is in
-Scotland. I heard from&mdash;, eh? Well, I don’t know that I had any letter,
-but&mdash;. And ill&mdash;and Bee with him? What is the meaning of all this? Are
-you both mad, or in a conspiracy to make yourselves disagreeable to me?”</p>
-
-<p>“Papa!” cried Betty, very ready to take up the challenge; but on the
-whole the news was too important to justify a combat of self-defence.
-She produced Bee’s note out of its envelope, and placed it before him,
-running on with a report of it while the Colonel groped for his eyeglass
-and arranged it upon his nose.</p>
-
-<p>“A lady came and fetched her,” cried Betty, hurriedly, to forestall the
-reading, “and brought her up to town and took her to him&mdash;oh, so
-bad&mdash;where he had been for weeks; and she told him you had been to
-Oxford, and something about Miss Lance; and he wants to see Miss Lance,
-and calls and calls for her, and won’t be satisfied. Oh, papa!”</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward had arranged his <i>pince-nez</i> very carefully; he had
-taken up Bee’s note, and went over it word by word while Betty made her
-breathless report. When he came to the first mention of Miss Lance he
-struck his hand upon the table like any other man in a passion, making
-all the cups and plates ring.</p>
-
-<p>“The little fool!” he said, “the little fool! What right had she to
-bring in that name? It was this that called forth Betty’s exclamation,
-but no more was said by either till he read it out to the end. Then he
-flung the letter from him, and getting up, paced about the room in rage
-and dismay.</p>
-
-<p>“A long illness,” said the Colonel, “was perhaps the best thing that
-could have happened to him to sweep all that had passed before out of
-his mind; and here does this infernal little idiot, this little demon
-full of spite and malice, get at the boy at his worst moment and bring
-everything back. What right had she, the spiteful, envious little fool,
-to bring in the name of a lady&mdash;of a lady to whom you all owe the
-greatest respect?”</p>
-
-<p>“Papa!” cried Betty, overwhelmed, “Bee couldn’t have meant any harm.”</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward was out of himself and he uttered words which
-terrified his daughter, and which need not be recorded against him&mdash;for
-he certainly did not in cold blood wish Bee to fall under any celestial
-malediction. He stormed about the room, saying much that Betty could not
-understand; that it was just the thing of all others that should not
-have happened, and the time of all others; that if it had been a little
-later, or even a little earlier, it would not have mattered; that it was
-enough to overturn every arrangement, increase every difficulty. He was
-not at all a man to give way to his feelings so. His children, indeed,
-until very lately, had never seen him excited at all, and it was an
-astonishment beyond description to little Betty to be a spectator of
-this scene. Indeed, Colonel Kingsward awoke presently to a sense of the
-self-exposure he had been making, and calmed down, or, at least,
-controlled himself, upon which Betty ventured to ask him very humbly
-what he thought she had better do.</p>
-
-<p>“May I go to Miss Lance and tell her? She is not angry now, nor unhappy
-about him like&mdash;like <i>us</i>,” said Betty, putting the best face upon it
-with instinctive capacity, “and she might know what to do. She is so
-very kind and understanding, don’t you know, papa?&mdash;and she would know
-what to do.”</p>
-
-<p>For the first time Colonel Kingsward gave his agitated little visitor a
-smile. “You seem to have some understanding, too, for a little girl,” he
-said, “and it looks as if you would be worthy of my confidence, Betty.
-When I see you this afternoon I shall, perhaps, have something to tell
-you that&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>There came over Colonel Kingsward’s fine countenance a smile, a
-consciousness, which filled Betty with amaze. She had seen her father
-look handsome, commanding, very serious. She had seen him wear an air
-which the girls in their profanity had been used in their mother’s happy
-days to call that of the <i>père noble</i>. She had seen him angry, even in a
-passion, as to-day. She had heard him, alas! blaspheme, which had been
-very terrible to Betty. But she had never, she acknowledged to herself,
-seen him look <i>silly</i> before. Silly, in a girl’s phraseology, was what
-he looked now, with that fatuity which is almost solely to be attributed
-to one cause; but of this Betty was not aware. It came over his
-countenance, and for a moment Colonel Kingsward let himself go on the
-flood of complacent consciousness, which healed all his wounds. Then he
-suddenly braced himself up and turned to Betty again.</p>
-
-<p>“Perhaps,” he said, in his most fatherly tone, for it seemed to the man
-in this crisis of his life that even little Betty’s support was
-something to hold by, “my dear child, your instinct is right. Go to Miss
-Lance and tell her how things are. Don’t take this odious letter,
-however,” he said, seizing Bee’s note and tearing it across with
-indignant vehemence, “with all its prejudices and assumptions. Tell her
-in your own words; and where they are&mdash;and&mdash;&mdash; Where are they, by the
-way?” he said, groping for the fragments of the letter in his
-waste-paper basket. “I hope you noted the address.”</p>
-
-<p>He had not then, it was evident, noted the address, nor the name of Mrs.
-Leigh, nor in whose house Charlie was. Betty’s heart beat high with the
-question whether she should call his attention to these additional
-facts, but her courage failed her. He had cooled down, he was himself
-again: and after a moment he added, “I will write a little note which
-you can take,” with once more the smile that Betty thought silly
-floating across his face. She was standing close by the writing-table,
-and Betty was not aware that there was any harm in the natural glimpse
-which her keen eyes took, before she was conscious of it, of the note he
-was writing. It was not like a common note. It did not begin “Dear Miss
-Lance,” as would have been natural. In short, it had no beginning at
-all, nor any signature&mdash;or rather it was signed only with his initial
-“F.” How very extraordinary that papa should sign “F.” and should not
-put any beginning to his letter. A kind of wondering consternation
-enveloped the little girl. But still she did not in the least understand
-what it meant.</p>
-
-<p>Betty walked away along Pall Mall and Piccadilly, and by the edge of the
-Park to George Street, Hanover Square. It is not according to the
-present fashion that a girl should shrink from walking along through
-those busy London streets, where nobody is in search of adventures, at
-least at that hour of the morning. Her white morning frock and her black
-ribbons, and her early bloom, like the morning, though delightful to
-behold, did not make all the passers by stand and stare as the movements
-of a pretty girl used to do, if we are to credit the novels, in the
-beginning of the century. People, perhaps, have too much to do nowadays
-to give to that not unusual sight the attention which the dandies and
-the macaroni bestowed upon it, and Betty was so evidently bent on her
-own little business, whatever it was, that nothing naturally occurred to
-detain her.</p>
-
-<p>It was so unusual for her to have a grave piece of business in hand that
-she was a little elated by it, even though so sorry for Charlie who was
-so ill, and for Bee who was so perturbed about everything. Betty herself
-was not perturbed; she was full of the pleasure of the morning and the
-long, interesting walk, and the sense of her own importance as a
-messenger. If there did occasionally float across her mind the idea
-that her father’s demeanour was strange, or that it was odd that he
-should have signed his note to Miss Lance with an F., it was merely a
-momentary idea and she did not question it or detain it. And poor
-Charlie! Ill&mdash;not able to get out this fine weather; but he was getting
-better, so that there was really nothing to be troubled about.</p>
-
-<p>Miss Lance was up, but had not yet appeared when Betty was shown into
-her little drawing-room. She was not an early riser. It was one of her
-vices, she frankly allowed. Betty had to wait, and had time to admire
-all her friend’s knick-knacks, of which there were many, before she came
-in, which she did at last, with her arms put out to take Betty
-maternally to her bosom. She looked in the girl’s face with a very
-intent glance before she took her into this embrace.</p>
-
-<p>“My little Betty, so early,” she said, and kissed the girl, and then
-looked at her again, as if in expectation of something; but as Betty
-could not think of anything that Miss Lance would be expecting from her,
-she remained unconscious of any special meaning in this look.</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, I am early,” she said; “it is because I have something to tell
-you, and something to ask of you, too.”</p>
-
-<p>“Tell, my dear little girl, and ask. You may be sure I shall be at your
-service. But what is this in your hand&mdash;a note for me?”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, it is a note for you, but may I tell you first what it is about?”
-Betty went on quickly with her story, though Miss Lance, without waiting
-for it, took the note and opened it. “Miss Lance, Charlie is found; he
-has been very ill, and he wants to see you.”</p>
-
-<p>“To see me?” Miss Lance looked with eyes of sympathy, yet great
-innocence, as if at an impossible proposal, at the breathless girl so
-anxious to get it out. “But, Betty, if he is with your friends, the
-Mackinnons, in Scotland&mdash;?”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Miss Lance, I told you he was not there, don’t you remember? He has
-never been anywhere all this time. He has had typhoid fever, and on
-Thursday Bee was sent for, and found him still ill, but mending. And
-when he heard you were in town he would give her no peace till she wrote
-and asked you to come and see him. And she did not know your address so
-she wrote to me. I went to tell papa first, and then I came on here. Oh,
-will you come and see Charlie? Bee said he wanted to get into a hansom
-and come to you as soon as he heard you were here.”</p>
-
-<p>“What induced them to talk of me, and why did she tell him I was here?”
-Miss Lance cried, with a momentary cloud upon her face, such as Betty
-had never seen there before. She sat down suddenly in a chair, with a
-pat of her foot upon the carpet, which was almost a stamp of impatience,
-and then she read Colonel Kingsward’s note for the second time, with her
-brows drawn together and a blackness about her eyes which filled Betty
-with alarm and dismay. She looked up, however, next minute with her
-countenance cleared. “Your father says I am to use my own discretion,”
-she said, with a half laugh; “that is not much help to me, is it, in
-deciding what is best to do? So he has been ill&mdash;and not in Scotland at
-all?”</p>
-
-<p>“I told you he was not in Scotland,” cried Betty, a little impatient in
-her turn. “Oh, Miss Lance, he has been ill, he is still ill, and won’t
-you come and see him when he wants you so? Oh, come and see him, please!
-He looks so ill and wretched, Bee says, and weak, and cannot get back
-his strength; and he thinks if he could see you&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Poor boy&mdash;silly boy!” said Miss Lance; “why does he think it will do
-him good to see me? I doubt if it would do him any good; and your father
-says I am to use my discretion. I would do anything for any of you,
-Betty, but perhaps I should do him harm instead of good. Have you got
-your sister’s letter?”</p>
-
-<p>“I left it with papa&mdash;that is, he threw it into the waste paper basket,”
-said the too truthful Betty, growing red.</p>
-
-<p>“I understand,” said Miss Lance, “it was not a letter to show me. Bee
-has her prejudices, and perhaps she is right. I cannot expect that all
-the family should be as nice to me as you. Have they taken him to
-Kingswarden? Or where is he, poor boy?”</p>
-
-<p>“He is at No. 1000, Curzon Street,” Betty said.</p>
-
-<p>“What!” said Miss Lance. “Where?” Her brow curved over her eyes, her
-face grew dark as if the light had gone out of the morning, and she
-spoke the two monosyllables in a sharp imperative tone, so that they
-seemed to cut like a knife.</p>
-
-<p>“At No. 1000; Curzon Street,” Betty repeated with great alarm, not
-knowing what to think.</p>
-
-<p>Miss Lance rose quickly, as if there had been something that stung her
-in the innocent words. She looked as if she were about to pace the room
-from end to end, as Colonel Kingsward did when he was disturbed. But
-either she did not mean this, or she restrained herself, for what she
-did was to walk to her writing-table and put Colonel Kingsward’s note
-away in a drawer, and then she went to the window and looked out, and
-said it was a fine morning but dusty for walking&mdash;and then she returned
-to her chair and sat down again and looked at Betty. She was pale, and
-there were lines in her face that had not been there before. Her eyes
-were almost piteous as she looked at the surprised girl.</p>
-
-<p>“I am in a very strait place,” she said, “and I don’t know what to do.”
-Something like moisture seemed to come up into her eyes. “This is always
-how it happens to me,” she said, “just at the moment, just at the
-moment! What am I to do?”</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XLVII" id="CHAPTER_XLVII"></a>CHAPTER XLVII.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">Bee</span> had passed the whole day with Charlie, the Friday of the dinner
-party at Portman Square. She had resisted as long as she could writing
-the letter which had brought so much excitement to Betty, and the
-passion with which he had insisted upon this&mdash;the struggle between them,
-the vehemence with which he had declared that he cared for nothing in
-the world but to see Laura once again, to thank her for having pleaded
-for him with his father, to ask her forgiveness for his follies&mdash;had
-been bad for Charlie, who lay for the rest of the day upon the sofa,
-tossing from him one after the other the novels that were provided for
-his amusement, declaring them to be “rot” or “rubbish,” growling at his
-sister when she continued to speak to him, and reducing poor Bee to that
-state of wounded imbecility which is the lot of those who endeavour to
-please an unpleasable invalid, with the conviction that all the time
-they are doing more harm than good.</p>
-
-<p>Bee was not maladroit by nature, and she had the warmest desire to be
-serviceable to her brother, but it appeared that she always did the
-wrong thing, not only in the eyes of Charlie, but in those of the nurse,
-who came in from time to time with swift movements, bringing
-subordination and quiet where there had been nothing but irritation and
-resistance. And in this house, where she had been brought entirely for
-the service of Charlie, Bee did not know what to do. She was afraid to
-leave the rooms that had been given up to him lest she should meet
-someone on the stairs, or be seen only to be avoided, as if her presence
-there was that of a ghost or an enemy. Poor Bee&mdash;wearing out the long
-hours of the spring afternoon with poor attempts to be useful to the
-invalid, to watch his looks&mdash;which he resented by frequent adjurations
-not to watch him as a cat watches a mouse&mdash;to anticipate his
-wishes&mdash;which immediately became the last thing in the world he wanted
-as soon as she found out the drink or got the paper for which he was
-looking, heard or thought she heard steps coming to the street door,
-subdued voices in the hall, comings and goings half stealthily, noises
-subdued lest she should hear. What did it matter whether she heard or
-not? Why should the master of the house be banished that she, so
-ineffectual as she had proved, should be brought to her brother’s side?
-She had not done, and could not do, any good to Charlie. All that she
-had done had been to remind him of Miss Lance, to be the medium of
-calling that disastrous person, who had done all the harm, back into
-Charlie’s life&mdash;nay, of bringing her back to this house, the inmates of
-which she had already harmed to the utmost of her power.</p>
-
-<p>That was all that had been done by Bee, and now her presence kept at a
-distance the one individual in the world who had the best right to be
-here. He came almost secretly, she felt sure, to the door in the dusk
-to inquire after his patient, or to get his letters; or stole in,
-subduing his step, that she might not be disturbed.</p>
-
-<p>Poor Bee! It was very bitter to her to think that Aubrey Leigh should
-leave his own house because she was there. Sometimes she wondered
-whether it was some remnant of old, almost-extinguished feeling in his
-breast which had made him think that the sight of Bee would do Charlie
-good&mdash;the sight of Bee, for which her brother did not care at all, not
-at all; which was an annoyance and a fatigue to him, except when she had
-betrayed what was the last thing in the world she should have betrayed,
-the possibility of seeing again that woman who had harmed them all. If
-Aubrey had thought so, with some remnant of the old romance, how
-mistaken he had been! And it was intolerable for the girl to think that
-for the sake of this unsuccessful experiment he had been sent away from
-his own house. She placed herself in the corner of the room in which
-Charlie (to whom she was supposed to do good and bring pleasure) could
-see her least, and bitterness filled her heart. There were times in
-which she thought of stealing away, leaving a word for Mrs. Leigh to the
-effect that she was doing Charlie no good, and that Betty, who would
-come to-morrow, might perhaps be of more use&mdash;and returning forlorn to
-Kingswarden to renew the life, where perhaps nobody wanted her very
-much, but where, at least, there were so many things which she and no
-one else was there to do.</p>
-
-<p>She was still in this depressed state when Mrs. Leigh (who had evidently
-gone away that the brother and sister might be alone and happy together)
-came back, looking into Charlie’s room to ask how he was on her way
-upstairs to dress for dinner.</p>
-
-<p>“Better,” the nurse said, with her eyebrows. “Peevish&mdash;young lady
-mustn’t cross him&mdash;must be humoured&mdash;things not gone quite so well
-to-day.”</p>
-
-<p>“You will tell me about it at dinner,” said Mrs. Leigh, and Bee went
-downstairs with a heavy heart to be questioned. Aubrey’s mother looked
-cheerful enough; she did not seem to be unhappy about his absence or to
-dislike the society of the girl who had driven him away. And she was
-very considerate even in her questions about the patient.</p>
-
-<p>“We must expect these fluctuations,” she said; “you must not be cast
-down if you are not quite so triumphantly successful to-day.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Mrs. Leigh, I am deceiving you. I have never been successful at
-all. He did not want me&mdash;he doesn’t care for me, and to stay here is
-dreadful, upsetting the house&mdash;doing no good.”</p>
-
-<p>“My dear, this is a strange statement to make, and you must not expect
-me to believe you in the face of facts. He was much better after seeing
-you last night.”</p>
-
-<p>“Doing no good,” said Bee, shaking her head, “but harm, oh, real harm!
-It was not I that did him good, it was telling him of someone, of a
-lady. Oh, Mrs. Leigh, how am I to tell you?”</p>
-
-<p>“My dear child, anything that you yourself know can surely be told to
-me. We were afraid that something about a woman was at the bottom of it,
-but then that is always the thing that is said, and typhoid, you know,
-means bad drains and not a troubled mind&mdash;though the one may make you
-susceptible to the other. Don’t be so distressed, my dear. It seems more
-to your inexperience than it is in reality. He will get over that.”</p>
-
-<p>“Mrs. Leigh,” said Bee, very pale, “he has made me write to ask her to
-come and see him here.”</p>
-
-<p>It was now Mrs. Leigh’s turn to change colour. She grew red, looking
-astonished in the girl’s despairing face.</p>
-
-<p>“A woman to come and see him, here! But your brother would never insult
-the house and you&mdash;&mdash; I am talking nonsense,” she said, suddenly
-stopping herself, “and misconstruing him altogether. It is some lady who
-has jilted him&mdash;or something of that kind.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee had not understood what Mrs. Leigh’s first idea was, and she did not
-see any cause for relief in the second.</p>
-
-<p>“I don’t know what she did to him, or what she has done to them all,”
-the girl said, mournfully. “They are all the same. Papa, even, who does
-not care very much for ladies, generally&mdash;&mdash; But Charlie, poor Charlie!
-Oh, I believe he is in love with her still, though she is twice as old
-as he is and has almost broken his heart.</p>
-
-<p>“My dear,” said Mrs. Leigh, “this must be something very different to
-what we thought. We thought he had got into some very dreadful trouble
-about a&mdash;an altogether inferior person. But as it seems to be a lady,
-and one that is known to the family, and who can be asked to come
-here&mdash;if you can tell me a little more clearly what the story is, I
-shall be more able to give you my advice.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee looked at her questioner helpless, half distracted, not knowing how
-to speak, and yet the story must be told. She had written that fatal
-invitation, and it could not be concealed who this possible visitor was.
-She began with a great deal of hesitation to talk of the lady whom
-Charlie had raved about at Oxford, and how he was to work to please her;
-and how he did not work, but failed in every way, and fled from Oxford;
-and how her father went to inquire into the story; and how the lady had
-come to Colonel Kingsward at the hotel, to explain to him, to excuse
-Charlie, to beg his father to forgive him.</p>
-
-<p>“But, my dear, she can’t be so very bad,” said Mrs. Leigh, soothingly.
-“You must not judge her hardly; if she thought she had been to blame in
-the matter, that was really the right thing to do.”</p>
-
-<p>“And since then,” resumed Bee, “I think papa has thought of nobody else;
-he writes to her and tells her everything. He goes to see her; he
-forgets about Charlie and all of us; he has taken Betty there, and Betty
-adores her too. And to-night,” cried Bee, the angry tears coming into
-her eyes, “she is dining in Portman Square, dining with the Lyons as a
-great friend of ours&mdash;in Portman Square.”</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Leigh drew Bee to her and gave her a kiss of consolation. I think
-it was partly that the girl in her misery should not see the smile,
-which Mrs. Leigh, thinking that she now saw through this not uncommon
-mystery, could not otherwise conceal.</p>
-
-<p>“My poor child,” she said, “my dear girl! This is hard upon you since
-you dislike her so much, but I am afraid it is quite natural, and a
-thing that could not have been guarded against. And then you must
-consider that your father may probably be a better judge than yourself.
-I don’t see any harm this lady has done, except that perhaps it is not
-quite good taste to make herself so agreeable both to the father and
-son; but perhaps in Charlie’s case that was not her fault. And I see no
-reason, my dear&mdash;really and sincerely as your friend, Bee&mdash;why you
-should be so prejudiced against a poor woman whose only fault is that
-everybody else likes her. Now isn’t it a little unreasonable when you
-think of it calmly yourself?”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Mrs. Leigh!” Bee cried. The situation was so intolerable, the
-passion of injury and misconception so strong in her that she could only
-gasp in insupportable anger and dismay.</p>
-
-<p>“Bee! Bee! this feeling is natural but you must not let it carry you
-away. Have you seen her? Let me come in when she is here and give my
-opinion.”</p>
-
-<p>“I have seen her three times,” said Bee, solemnly, “once at the Baths,
-and once at the Academy, and once at Oxford;” and then once more
-excitement mastered the girl. “Oh, when you know who she is! Don’t
-smile, don’t smile, but listen! She is Miss Lance.”</p>
-
-<p>“Miss Lance!” Mrs. Leigh repeated the name with surprise, looking into
-Bee’s face. “You must compose yourself,” she said, “you must compose
-yourself. Miss&mdash;&mdash;? My dear, you have got over excited, you have mixed
-things up.”</p>
-
-<p>“No, I am not over-excited! I am telling you only the truth. It is Miss
-Lance, and they all believe in her as if she were an angel, and she is
-coming here.”</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Leigh was very much startled, but yet she would not believe her
-ears. She had heard Charlie delirious in his fever not so long ago. Her
-mind gave a little leap to the alarming thought that there might be
-madness in the family, and that Bee had been seized like her brother.
-That what she said was actual fact seemed to her too impossible to be
-true. She soothed the excited girl with all her power. “Whoever it is,
-my dear, you shall not take any harm. There is nothing to be frightened
-about. I will take care of you, whoever it is.”</p>
-
-<p>“I do not think you believe me,” said Bee. “I am not out of my mind, as
-you think. It is Miss Lance&mdash;Miss Laura Lance&mdash;the same, the very same,
-that&mdash;and I have written, and she will be coming here.”</p>
-
-<p>“This is very strange,” said Mrs. Leigh. “It does not seem possible to
-believe it. The same&mdash;who came between Aubrey and you? Oh, I never meant
-to name him, I was never to name him; but how can I help it? Laura, who
-was the trouble of his house&mdash;who would not leave him&mdash;who went to your
-father? And now your father! I cannot understand it. I cannot believe
-that it is true.”</p>
-
-<p>“It is true,” said Bee. “But, Mrs. Leigh, you forget that no one cared
-then, except myself; they have forgotten all that now, they have
-forgotten what happened. It was only my business, it was not their
-business. All that has gone from papa; he remembers nothing about it.
-And she is a witch, she is a magician, she is a devil&mdash;oh, please
-forgive me, forgive me&mdash;I don’t know what I am saying. It has all been
-growing, one thing after another&mdash;first me&mdash;and then Charlie&mdash;and then
-papa&mdash;and then Betty. And now, after bringing him almost to death and
-destruction, here is Charlie, in this house, calling for her, raging
-with me till I wrote to call her&mdash;me!” cried Bee, with a sort of
-indignant eloquence. “Me! Could it go further than that? Could anything
-be more than that? Me!&mdash;and in this house.”</p>
-
-<p>“My dear child,” said Mrs. Leigh, “I don’t wonder, I don’t wonder&mdash;it is
-like something in a tragedy. Oh, Bee! Forgive me for what is first in my
-thoughts. Was she the reason, the only reason, for your breach with my
-poor Aubrey? For at first you stood by him&mdash;and then you turned upon
-him.”</p>
-
-<p>“Do not ask me any more questions, please. I am not able to answer
-anything. Isn’t it enough that all these things have happened through
-this woman, and that she is coming here?”</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Leigh made no further question. She saw that the girl’s excitement
-was almost beyond her control, and that her young mind was strained to
-its utmost. She said, half to herself, “I must think. I cannot tell in a
-moment what to do. I must send for Aubrey. It is his duty and mine to
-let it go no further. You must try to compose yourself, my dear, and
-trust us. Oh, Bee,” there were tears in her eyes as she came up to the
-girl and kissed her, “if you could but have trusted us&mdash;in all things!
-I don’t think you ever would have repented.”</p>
-
-<p>But Bee did not make any response. Her hands were cold and her head hot.
-She was wrapt in a strange passion and confusion of human chaos and
-bewilderment&mdash;everything gone wrong&mdash;all the elements of life twisted
-the perverse way; nothing open, nothing clear. She was incapable of any
-simple, unmingled feeling in that confusion and medley of everything
-going wrong.</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Leigh, a little disappointed, went into the inner room, the little
-library, to write a letter&mdash;no doubt to consult or summon her son&mdash;from
-which she was interrupted a few minutes later by a faint call, and Bee’s
-white face in the doorway.</p>
-
-<p>“Mrs. Leigh, papa will come to-morrow, and he will take us away; at
-least he will take me away. I&mdash;I shan’t be any longer in anyone’s way.
-Oh, don’t keep him apart from you&mdash;don’t send anyone out of the house
-because of me!”</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XLVIII" id="CHAPTER_XLVIII"></a>CHAPTER XLVIII.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">There</span> was a great deal of commotion next morning in the house in
-Mayfair.</p>
-
-<p>Bee was startled by having a tray brought to her bedroom with her
-breakfast when she was almost ready to go downstairs. “Mrs. Leigh
-thought, Miss, as you had been so tired last night, you might like to
-rest a little longer,” said the maid; and Bee divined with a sharp pang
-through all the trouble and confusion of her mind that she was not
-wanted&mdash;that probably Aubrey was coming to consult with his mother what
-was to be done. It may be imagined with what scrupulousness she kept
-within her room, her pride all up in arms though her heart she thought
-was broken. Though the precaution was so natural, though it was taken at
-what was supposed to be her desire, at what was really her desire&mdash;the
-only one she would have expressed&mdash;yet she resented it, in the
-contradiction and ferment of her being. If Mrs. Leigh supposed that she
-wanted to see Aubrey! He was nothing to her, he had no part in her life.
-When she had been brought here, against her will, it had been expressly
-explained that it was not for Aubrey, that he would rather go away to
-the end of the world than disturb her. And she had herself appealed to
-his mother&mdash;her last action on the previous night&mdash;to bring him back,
-not to banish him on account of the girl who was nothing to him, and
-whose part it was, not his, to go away. All this, however, did not make
-it seem less keen a wound to Bee that she should be, so to speak,
-imprisoned in her own room, because Aubrey was expected downstairs. She
-had never, she declared to herself vehemently, felt at ease under the
-roof that was his; nothing but Charlie’s supposed want of her would have
-induced her to subject herself to the chances of meeting him, and the
-still more appalling chance of being supposed to wish to meet him. And
-now this insult of imprisonment in her bedroom, lest she should by any
-chance come under his observation, offend his eye!&mdash;Bee was
-contradictory enough at all times, a rosebud set about with wilful
-thorns; but everything was in tumult about her, and all her conditions
-nothing but contradictions now.</p>
-
-<p>Thus it happened that while Betty was setting out with much excitement,
-but that all pleasurable, walking lightly among undiscovered dangers,
-Bee was suddenly arrested, as she felt, imprisoned in the little room
-looking out upon roofs and backs of houses, thrust aside into a corner
-that she might not be seen or her presence known&mdash;imperceptibly the
-force of the description grew as she went on piling up agony upon agony.
-It was some time before, in the commotion of her feelings, she could
-bring herself to swallow her tea, and then she walked about the room,
-gazed out of the window from which, as it was at the back of the house,
-she saw nothing, and found the position more and more intolerable every
-minute. A prisoner! she who had been brought here against her will, on
-pretence that her presence might save her brother’s life, or something
-equally grandiose and impossible&mdash;save her brother’s life, bring him
-back from despair by the sight of some one that he loved. These were the
-sort of words that Mrs. Leigh had said. As if it mattered to Charlie one
-way or the other what Bee might think or do! As if he were to be
-consoled by her, or stimulated, or brought back to life! She had
-affected him involuntarily, undesirably, by her betrayal of the vicinity
-of that woman, that witch, who had warped his heart and being. But as
-for influencing in her own person her brother’s mind or life, Bee knew
-she was as little capable as baby, the little tyrant of the nursery. Oh!
-how foolish she had been to come at all, to yield to what was said, the
-flattering suggestion that she could do so much, when she knew all along
-in her inmost consciousness that she could do nothing! The only thing
-for her to do now was to go back to the dull life of which in her
-impatient foolishness she had grown so weary, the dull life in which she
-was indeed of some use after all, where it was clearly her duty to get
-the upper hand of baby, to preserve the discipline of the nursery, to
-train the little ones, and keep the big boys in order. These were the
-elder sister’s duties, with which nobody could interfere&mdash;not any
-ridiculous, sentimental, exaggerated idea, as Charlie had said, of what
-a woman’s ministrations could do. “Oh, woman, in our hours of ease!”
-that sort of foolish, foolish, intolerable, ludicrous kind of thing,
-which it used to be considered right to say, though people knew better
-now. Bee felt bitterly that to say of her that she was a ministering
-angel would be irony, contumely, the sort of thing people said when they
-laughed at women and their old-fashioned sham pretences. She had never
-made any such pretence. She had said from the beginning that Charlie
-would care for none of her ministrations. She had been brought here
-against her judgment, against her will, and now she was shut up as in a
-prison in order that Aubrey might not be embarrassed by the sight of
-her! As if she had wished to see Aubrey! As if it had not been on the
-assurance that she was not to see Aubrey that she had been beguiled
-here!</p>
-
-<p>When a message came to her that she was to go to her brother, Bee did
-not know what to do. It seemed to her that Aubrey might be lurking
-somewhere on the stairs, that he might be behind Charlie’s sofa, or
-lying in wait on the other side of the curtain, notwithstanding her
-offence at the quite contradictory idea that she was imprisoned in her
-room to be kept out of his way. These two things were entirely contrary
-from each other, yet it was quite possible to entertain and be disturbed
-by both in the tumult and confusion of a perverse young mind. She
-stepped out of her room as if she were about to fall into an ambush,
-notwithstanding that she had been thrilling in every irritated nerve
-with the idea of being imprisoned there.</p>
-
-<p>Charlie had insisted on getting up much earlier than usual. He had not
-waited for the doctor’s visit. He was better; well, he said, stimulated
-into nervous strength and capability, though his gaunt limbs tottered
-under him and his thin hand trembled. When he got into his sitting-room
-he flung away all his cushions and wrappings as soon as his nurse left
-him and went to the mirror over the mantel-piece and gazed at himself in
-the glass, smoothing down and stroking into their right place those
-irregular soft tufts growing here and there upon his chin, which he
-thought were the beginnings of a beard.</p>
-
-<p>Would she think it was a beard, that sign of manhood? They were too
-downy, fluffy, unenergetic, a foolish kind of growth, like a colt’s,
-some long, some short, yet Charlie could not help being proud of them.
-He felt that they would come to something in time, and remembered that
-he had often heard it said that a beard which never had been shaved
-became the finest&mdash;in time. Would she think so? or would she laugh and
-tell him that this would not do, that he must get himself shaved?</p>
-
-<p>He would not mind that she should laugh. She might do anything, all she
-did was delightful to poor Charlie, and there would be a compliment even
-in being told that he must get shaved. Charlie had stroked his upper lip
-occasionally with a razor, but it had never been necessary to suggest to
-him that he should get shaved before.</p>
-
-<p>He had to be put back upon his sofa when nurse re-appeared, but he only
-remained there for the time, promising no permanent obedience. When
-Laura came he certainly should not receive her there.</p>
-
-<p>“When did your letter go? When would Betty receive it?” he said, when
-Bee, breathless and pale, at last, under nurse’s escort, was brought
-downstairs.</p>
-
-<p>“She must have got it last night. But there was a dinner party,” said
-Bee, after a pause, “last night at Portman Square.”</p>
-
-<p>“What do I care for their dinner parties? I suppose the postman would go
-all the same.”</p>
-
-<p>“But Betty could not do anything till this morning.”</p>
-
-<p>“No,” said Charlie, “I suppose not. She would be too much taken up with
-her ridiculous dress and what she was to wear”&mdash;the knowledge of a young
-man who had sisters, pierced through even his indignation&mdash;“or with some
-nonsense about Gerald Lyon&mdash;that fellow! And to think,” he said, in an
-outburst of high, moral indignation “that one’s fate should be at the
-mercy of a little thing like Betty, or what she might say or do!”</p>
-
-<p>“Betty is not so much younger than we are; to be sure,” said Bee, with
-reflective sadness, “she has never had anything to make her think of all
-the troubles that are in the world.”</p>
-
-<p>Charlie turned upon her with scorn.</p>
-
-<p>“And what have you had to make you think, and what do you suppose you
-know? A girl, always protected by everybody, kept out of the battle,
-never allowed to feel the air on your cheek! I must tell you, Bee, that
-your setting yourself up for knowing things is the most ridiculous
-exhibition in the world.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee’s wounded soul could not find any words. She kept out of the battle!
-She setting up for knowing things! And what was his knowledge in
-comparison with hers? He had but been deluded like the rest by a woman
-whom Bee had always seen through, and never, never put any faith in;
-whereas she had lost what was most dear, all her individual hopes and
-prospects, and been obliged to sacrifice what she knew would be the only
-love of her life.</p>
-
-<p>She looked at Charlie with eyes that were full of unutterable things.
-He was reckless with hope and expectation, self-deceived, thinking that
-all was coming right again; whereas Bee knew that things would never
-more be right with her. And yet he presumed to say that she knew
-nothing, and that to think she had suffered was a mere pretence! “How
-little, how little,” Bee thought, “other people know.”</p>
-
-<p>The house seemed full that morning of sounds and commotions, unlike
-ordinary times. There were sounds of ringing bells, of doors opened and
-shut, of voices downstairs. Once both Charlie and Bee held their breath,
-thinking the moment had come, for a carriage stopped at the door, there
-was the sound of a noisy summons, and then steps coming upstairs.</p>
-
-<p>Alas! it was nothing but the doctor, who came in, ushered by nurse, but
-not until she had held a private conference with him, keeping them both
-in the most tremendous suspense in the bedroom. It is true this was a
-thing which happened every morning, but they had both forgotten that in
-the tension of highly-wrought feeling.</p>
-
-<p>And when the doctor came he shook his head. “There has been too much
-going on here,” he said. “You have been doing too much or talking too
-much. Miss Kingsward, you helped us greatly with our patient yesterday,
-but I am afraid you have been going too far, you have hurried him too
-much. We dare not press recovery at railway speed after so serious an
-illness as this.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, I have not wished to do so,” said Bee. “It is some friends that we
-are expecting.”</p>
-
-<p>“Friends? I never said he was to see friends,” the doctor said.</p>
-
-<p>“Come doctor,” said Charlie, “you must not be too hard upon me.
-It’s&mdash;it’s my father and sister that are coming.”</p>
-
-<p>“Your father and sister are different, but not too much even of them.
-Recollect, nurse, what I say, not too much even of the nearest and
-dearest. The machinery has been too much out of gear to come round all
-in a moment. And, Miss Kingsward, you are pale, too. You had better go
-out a little and take the air. There must not be too much conversation,
-not too much reading either. I must have quiet, perfect quiet.”</p>
-
-<p>“Am I to do nothing but think?” said Charlie. “Is that the best thing
-for a fellow to do that has missed his schools and lost his time?”</p>
-
-<p>“Be thankful that you are at a time of life when the loss of a few weeks
-doesn’t matter, and don’t think,” said the doctor, “or we shall have to
-stop even the father and sister, and send you to bed again. Be
-reasonable, be reasonable. A few days’ quiet and you will be out of my
-hands.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Charlie, then you have given up seeing anyone else,” said Bee, with
-a cry of relief as the doctor, attended by the nurse, went downstairs.</p>
-
-<p>“I have done nothing of the kind,” he cried, jumping up from the sofa
-and going to the window. “And you had better tell that woman to go out
-for a walk and that you will look after me. Do you think when Laura
-comes that I will not see her if fifty doctors were to interfere? But if
-you want to save me a little you will send that woman out of the way. It
-is the worry and being contradicted that does me harm.”</p>
-
-<p>“How can I, Charlie&mdash;oh, how can I, in the face of what the doctor
-said?”</p>
-
-<p>He turned back upon her flaming with feverish rage and excitement.</p>
-
-<p>“If you don’t I’ll go out. I’ll have a cab called, and get away from
-this prison,” he cried. “I don’t care what happens to me, but I shall
-see her if I die for it.”</p>
-
-<p>“Perhaps,” said Bee to herself, trembling, “she will not come. Oh!
-perhaps she will not come!” But she felt that this was a very forlorn
-hope, and when the nurse came back the poor girl, faltering and ill at
-ease, obeyed the peremptory signs and frowns of Charlie, once more
-established on the sofa and seeming to take no part in the negotiation.</p>
-
-<p>“Nurse, I have been thinking,” said Bee, with that talent for the
-circumstantial which women have, even when acting against their will,
-“that you have far more need of a walk and a little fresh air than I
-have, who have only been here for a day, and that if you will tell me
-exactly what to do, I could take care of him while you go out a little.”</p>
-
-<p>“Shouldn’t think of leaving him,” said nurse, with her eyebrows working
-as usual and a mocking smile about her lips. “Too much talk; doctor not
-pleased.”</p>
-
-<p>“But if I promise not to talk? I shall not talk. You don’t want to talk,
-do you, Charlie?”</p>
-
-<p>Charlie launched a missile at her in his ingratitude, over his shoulder.
-“Not with you,” he said.</p>
-
-<p>“You hear?” cried Bee, now intent upon gaining her point, and terrified
-lest other visitors might arrive before this matter were decided; “we
-shall not talk, and I will do all you tell me. Oh, only tell me what I
-am to do.”</p>
-
-<p>“Nothing to do,” said the nurse, “not for the next hour; nothing, but
-keep him quiet. Well, if you think you can undertake that, just for half
-an hour&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“I will&mdash;I will&mdash;for as long as you please,” cried Bee. It was better,
-indeed, if there must be this interview with Laura, that there should be
-as few spectators as possible. She hurried the woman away with
-eagerness, though she had been alarmed at the first suggestion. But when
-she was alone with him, and nobody to stand by her, thinking at every
-sound she heard that this was the dreaded arrival, Bee crept close to
-him with a sudden panic of terror and dismay.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Charlie, don’t listen to her, don’t believe her; oh, don’t be led
-astray by her again! I have done what you told me, but I oughtn’t to
-have done it. Oh, Charlie, stand fast, whatever she says, and don’t be
-led astray by her again.”</p>
-
-<p>The only sign of Charlie’s gratitude that Bee received was to be hastily
-pushed away by his shoulder. “You little fool, what do you know about
-it?” her brother said.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XLIX" id="CHAPTER_XLIX"></a>CHAPTER XLIX.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">But</span> the nurse went out for her walk and came in again and nothing
-happened, and Charlie had his invalid dinner, which in his excitement he
-could not eat, and Bee was called downstairs to luncheon, and yet nobody
-came. The luncheon was a terrible ordeal for Bee. She attempted to eat,
-with an eye on the window, to watch for the arrival of the visitors, and
-an ear upon the subdued sounds of the house, through which she seemed to
-hear the distant step, the distant voice of someone whose presence was
-not acknowledged. She repeated with eagerness her little speech of the
-night before. “Something must have detained papa,” she said, “I cannot
-understand it, but he is sure to come, and he will take me away.”</p>
-
-<p>“I don’t want you to be taken away, my dear,” said Mrs. Leigh. “I should
-not let you go if I could help it.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, but I must, I must,” said Bee, trembling and agitated. She could
-not eat anything, any more than Charlie, and when the nurse came
-downstairs, indignantly carrying the tray from which scarcely anything
-had been taken, Bee could make no reply to her remonstrances. “The young
-lady had better not come upstairs again,” said nurse; “she has done him
-more harm than good, he will have a relapse if we don’t mind. It is as
-much as my character is worth.” She talked like other people when there
-was no patient present, and she was genuinely afraid.</p>
-
-<p>“What are we to do?” said Mrs. Leigh. “If this lady comes he ought not
-to see her! But perhaps she will not come.”</p>
-
-<p>“That is what I have hoped,” said Bee, “but if she doesn’t come he will
-go out, he will get to her somehow; he will kill himself with
-struggling&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>At the suggestion of going out the nurse gave a shriek and thrust her
-tray into the servant’s hands who was waiting. “He will have to kill me
-first,” she said, rushing away.</p>
-
-<p>And immediately upon this scene came Betty, fresh and shining in her
-white frock, with a smile like a little sunbeam, who announced at once
-that Miss Lance was coming.</p>
-
-<p>“How is Charlie?” said Betty. “Oh, Mrs. Leigh, how good you have been!
-Papa is coming himself to thank you. What a trouble it must have been to
-have him ill here all the time. Mrs. Lyon, whom I am staying with,
-thinks it so wonderful of you&mdash;so kind, so kind! And Bee, <i>she</i> is
-coming, though it is rather a hard thing for her to do. She says you
-will not like to see her, Mrs. Leigh, and that it will be an intrusion
-upon you; but I said when you had been so good to poor Charlie all
-along, you would not be angry that she should come who is such a
-friend.”</p>
-
-<p>“Any friend, of course, of Colonel Kingsward’s&mdash;&mdash;” Mrs. Leigh said
-stiffly, while little Betty stared. She thought they all looked very
-strange; the old lady so stiff, and Bee turning red and turning white,
-and a general air as if something had gone wrong.</p>
-
-<p>“Is Charlie worse?” she said, with an anxious look.</p>
-
-<p>And then Bee was suddenly called upstairs. “Can’t manage him any
-longer,” the nurse said on the landing. “I wash my hands of it. Your
-fault if he has a relapse.”</p>
-
-<p>“Who is that?” said Charlie, from within, “Who is it? I will see her!
-Nobody shall interfere, no one&mdash;doctor, or nurse, or&mdash;the devil himself.
-Bee!”</p>
-
-<p>“It is only Betty,” said Bee, upon which Charlie ceased his raging and
-flung himself again on his sofa.</p>
-
-<p>“You want to torment me; you want to wear me out; you want to kill me,”
-he said, with tears of keen disappointment in his eyes.</p>
-
-<p>“Charlie,” said Bee, “she is coming. Betty is here to say so; she is
-coming in about an hour or so. If you will eat your dinner and lie quite
-quiet and compose yourself you will be allowed to see her, and nurse
-will not object.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Miss Kingsward, don’t answer for me. It is as much as his life is
-worth.”</p>
-
-<p>“But not unless you eat your dinner and keep perfectly quiet.”</p>
-
-<p>“Give us that old dinner,” said Charlie, with a loud, unsteady laugh,
-and the tray was brought back and he performed his duty upon the
-half-cold dishes with an expedition and exuberance that gave nurse new
-apprehensions.</p>
-
-<p>“He’ll have indigestion,” she said, “if he gobbles like that,” speaking
-once more inaudibly over Charlie’s shoulder. But afterwards all was
-quiet till the fated moment came.</p>
-
-<p>I do not think if these girls had known the feelings that were within
-Miss Lance’s breast that they would have been able to retain their
-respective feelings towards her&mdash;Betty of adoration or Bee of hostility.
-She had lived a life of adventure, and she had come already on various
-occasions to the very eve of such a settled condition of life as would
-have made further adventure unnecessary and impossible&mdash;but something
-had always come in the way. Something so often comes in the way of such
-a career. The stolid people who are incapable of any skilful
-combinations go on and prosper, while those who have wasted so much
-cleverness or much wit, so much trouble&mdash;and disturbed the lives of
-others and risked their own&mdash;fail just at the moment of success. I am
-sometimes very sorry for the poor adventurers. Miss Lance went to Curzon
-Street with all her wits painfully about her, knowing that she was about
-to stand for her life. It seemed the most extraordinary spite of fate
-that this should have happened in the house of Aubrey Leigh. She would
-have had in any case a disagreeable moment enough between Charlie
-Kingsward and his father, but it was too much to have the other brought
-in. The man whom she had so wronged, the family (for she knew that his
-mother was there also) who knew all about her, who could tell
-everything, and stop her on the very threshold of the new life&mdash;that new
-life in which there would be no equivocal circumstances, nothing that
-she could be reproached with, only duty and kindness. So often she
-seemed to have been just within sight of that halcyon spot where she
-would need to scheme no more, where duty and every virtuous thing would
-be natural and easy. Was the failure to come all over again?</p>
-
-<p>She was little more than an adventuress, this troubled woman, and yet it
-was not without something of the exalted feeling of one who is about to
-stand for his life, for emancipation and freedom to do well and all that
-is best in existence, that she walked through the streets towards her
-fate. Truth alone was possible with the Leighs, who knew everything
-about her past, and could not be persuaded or turned from their
-certainty by any explanations. But poor Charlie! Bare truth was not
-possible with him, whom she had sacrificed lightly to the amusement of
-the moment, whom she could never have married or made the instrument of
-building up her fortune except in the way which, to do her justice she
-had not foreseen, through the access he had given her to his father. How
-was she to satisfy that foolish, hot-headed boy?&mdash;and how to stop the
-mouths of the others in the background?&mdash;and how to persuade Colonel
-Kingsward that circumstances alone were against her&mdash;that she herself
-was not to blame? She did not conceal from herself any of these
-difficulties, but she was too brave a woman to fly before them. She
-preferred to walk, and to walk alone, to this trial which awaited her,
-in order to subdue her nerves and get the aid of the fresh air and
-solitude to steady her being. She was going to stand for her life.</p>
-
-<p>It seemed a good augury that she was allowed to enter the house without
-any interruption from the sitting-room below, where she had the
-conviction that her worst opponents were lying in wait. She thought even
-that she had been able to distinguish the white cap and shawl of Mrs.
-Leigh through the window, but it was Betty who met her in the hall&mdash;met
-her with a kiss and expression of delight.</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, I am so glad you have come,” said Betty, “he is so eager to see
-you.” The people in ambush in the ground floor rooms must have heard the
-exclamation, but they made no sign. At the door upstairs they were met
-by the nurse, excited and laconic, speaking without any sound.</p>
-
-<p>“No worry&mdash;don’t contradict. Much as life is worth,” she said, with
-emphatic, silent lips. Miss Lance, so composed, so perfect in her
-manner, so wound up to everything, laughed a little&mdash;she was so
-natural!&mdash;and nodded her head. And then she went in.</p>
-
-<p>Charlie on the sofa was of course the chief figure. But he had jumped
-up, flinging his wrappings about, and stood in his gaunt and tremulous
-length, with his big hollow eyes and his ragged little beard, and his
-hands stretched out. “At last!” he said, “at last&mdash;&mdash; Laura!” stumbling
-in his weakness as he advanced to her. Bee was standing up straight
-against the window in the furthest corner of the room, not making a
-movement. How real, how natural, how completely herself and ready for
-any emergency this visitor was! She took Charlie’s hands in hers,
-supporting him with that firm hold, and put him back upon his couch.</p>
-
-<p>“Now,” she said, “the conditions of my visit are these: perfect quiet
-and obedience, and no excitement. If you rebel in any way I shall go. I
-know what nursing is, and I know what common-sense is&mdash;and I came here
-to help you, not to harm you. Move a toe or finger more than you ought,
-and I shall go!”</p>
-
-<p>“I will not move, not an eyelid if you tell me not. I want to do nothing
-but look at you. Laura! oh, Laura! I have been dead, and now I am alive
-again,” Charlie said.</p>
-
-<p>“Ill or well,” said Miss Lance, arranging his cushions with great skill,
-“you are a foolish, absurd boy. Partly it belongs to your age and partly
-to your temperament. I should not have considered you like your father
-at the first glance, but you are like him. Now, perfect quiet. Consider
-that your grandmother has come to see you, and that it does not suit the
-old lady to have her mind disturbed.”</p>
-
-<p>He had seized her hand and was kissing it over and over again. Miss
-Lance took those caresses very quietly, but after a minute she withdrew
-her hand. “Now, tell me all about it,” she said; “you went off in such a
-commotion&mdash;so angry with me&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Never angry,” he said, “but miserable, oh, more miserable&mdash;too
-miserable for words. I thought that you had cut me off for ever.”</p>
-
-<p>“You were right so far as your foolish ideas of that moment went, but I
-hope you have learnt better since, and now tell me what did you do? I
-hoped you had gone home, and then that you had gone to Scotland, and
-then&mdash;. What did you do?”</p>
-
-<p>“I don’t know,” said Charlie, “I can’t tell you. I suppose I must have
-been ill then. I came up to town, but I don’t know what I did. And I was
-brought here, and I’ve been ill ever since, and couldn’t seem to get
-better until I heard you had been speaking for me. You speaking for me,
-Laura! Thinking of me a little, trying to bring me back to life. I’ll
-come back to life, dear, for you&mdash;anything, Laura, for you!”</p>
-
-<p>“My dear boy, it is a pity you should not have a better reason,” she
-said. The two girls had not gone away. Betty had retired to the corner
-where Bee was, and they stood close together holding each other, ashamed
-and scornful beyond expression of Charlie’s abandonment. Even Betty, who
-was almost as much in love with Miss Lance as Charlie was, was ashamed
-to hear him “going on” in this ridiculous way. What Miss Lance felt to
-have these words of devotion addressed to her in the presence of two
-such listeners I will not say. She was acutely sensible of their
-presence, and of what they were thinking, but she did not shrink from
-the ordeal. “And you must not call me Laura,” she said, “unless you can
-make it Aunt Laura, or Grandmother Laura, which are titles I shouldn’t
-object to. Anything else would be ridiculous between you and me.”</p>
-
-<p>“Laura!” the young man said, raising himself quickly.</p>
-
-<p>“Say Aunt Laura, my dear, and if you move another inch I will go away!”</p>
-
-<p>“You are crushing me,” he cried, “you are driving me to despair!”</p>
-
-<p>“Dear Charlie,” said Miss Lance, “all this, you know, is very great
-nonsense&mdash;between you and me; I have told you so all along. Now things
-have really become too serious to go on. I want to be kind to you, to
-help you to get well, and to see as much of you as possible; for you are
-a dear boy and I am fond of you. But this can’t be unless you will see
-things in their true light and acknowledge the real state of affairs. I
-am most willing and ready to be your friend, to be a mother to you. But
-anything else is ridiculous. Do you hear me, Charlie?&mdash;ridiculous! You
-don’t want to be laughed at, and you don’t want me to be laughed at, I
-suppose?” She took his hands with which he had covered his face and held
-them in hers. “Now, no nonsense, Charlie. Be a man! Will you have me for
-your friend, always ready to do anything for you, or will you have
-nothing to do with me? Come! I might be your mother, I have always told
-you so. And look here,” she said, with a tone of genuine passion in her
-voice and a half turn of her flexible figure towards the two girls, “I’m
-worth having for a mother; whatever you may think in your cruel youth, I
-am, I am!” Surely this was to them and not to him. The movement, the
-accent, was momentary. Her voice changed again into the softness of a
-caress. “Charlie, my dear boy, don’t make me ridiculous, don’t make
-people laugh at me. They call me an old witch, trying to entrap a young
-man. Will you let people&mdash;nay, will you <i>make</i> people call me so?”</p>
-
-<p>“<i>I</i> make anyone call you&mdash;anything but what you are!” he cried.
-“Nobody would dare,” said the unfortunate fellow, “to do anything but
-revere you and admire you so long as I was there.”</p>
-
-<p>“And then break out laughing the moment your back was turned,” she said.
-“&nbsp;‘What a hold the old hag has got upon him!’ is what they would say. And
-it would be quite true. Not that I am an old hag. No, I don’t think I am
-that, I am worse. I’m a very well preserved woman of my years. I’ve
-taken great care of myself to keep up what are called my personal
-advantages. I have never wished&mdash;I don’t wish now&mdash;to be thought older
-than I am, or ugly. I am just old enough&mdash;to be your mother, Charlie, if
-I had married young, as your mother did&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>He drew his hands out of her cool and firm grasp, and once more covered
-his face with them. “Don’t torture me,” he cried.</p>
-
-<p>“No, my dear boy, I don’t want to torture you, but you must not make me,
-nor yourself&mdash;whom I am proud of&mdash;ridiculous. I am going probably&mdash;for
-nothing is certain till it happens,” she said, with a mournful tone in
-her voice, slightly shaking her head, “and you may perhaps help to balk
-me&mdash;I am probably going to make a match with a reasonable person suited
-to my age.”</p>
-
-<p>Poor Charlie started up, his hands fell from his face, his large
-miserable eyes were fixed upon hers. “And you come&mdash;you come&mdash;to tell me
-this!” he cried.</p>
-
-<p>“It will be partly for you&mdash;to show how impossible your folly is&mdash;but
-most for myself, to secure my own happiness.” She said these words very
-slowly, one by one&mdash;“To secure my own happiness. Have I not the right to
-do that, because a young man, who should have been my son, has taken it
-into his foolish head to form other ideas of me? You would rather make
-me ridiculous and wretched than consider my dignity, my welfare, my
-happiness&mdash;and this is what you call love!” she said.</p>
-
-<p>The girls listened to this conversation with feelings impossible to put
-into words, not knowing what to think. One of them loved the woman and
-the other hated her; they were equally overwhelmed in their young and
-simple ideas. She seemed to be speaking a language new to them, and to
-have risen into a region which they had never known.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_L" id="CHAPTER_L"></a>CHAPTER L.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">She</span> left Charlie’s room, having soothed him and reduced him to quiet in
-this inconceivable way, with a smile on her face and the look of one who
-was perfectly mistress of the situation. But when she had gone down
-half-a-dozen steps and reached the landing, she stood still and leaned
-against the wall, clasping her hands tight as if there was something in
-them to hold by. She had carried through this part of her ordeal with a
-high hand. She had made it look the kindest yet the most decisive
-interview in the world, crushing the foolish young heart, without
-remorse, yet tenderly, kindly, with such a force of sense and reason as
-could not be resisted&mdash;and all so naturally, with so much apparent ease,
-as if it cost her nothing. But she was after all, merely a woman, and
-she knew that only half, nay, not half, not the worst half of her trial
-was over. She lay back against the wall, having nothing else to rest
-upon, and closed her eyes for a moment. The two girls had followed her
-instinctively out of Charlie’s room, and stood on the stairs one above
-the other, gazing at her. The long lines of her figure seemed to relax,
-as if she might have fallen, and in their wonder and ignorance they
-might still have stood by and looked on letting her fall, without
-knowing what to do. But she did not do so. The corner of the walls
-supported her as if they had made a couch for her, and presently she
-opened her eyes with a vague smile at Betty, who was foremost. “I was
-tired,” she said, and then, “it isn’t easy”&mdash;drawing a long breath.</p>
-
-<p>At this moment the trim figure of Mrs. Leigh’s maid appeared on the
-stairs below, so commonplace, so trim, so neat, the little apparition of
-ordinary life which glides through every tragedy, lifting its everyday
-voice in announcements of dinner, in inquiries about tea, in all the
-nothings of routine, in the midst of all tumults of misery and passion.
-“If you please, madam&mdash;my lady would be glad if you would step into the
-dining-room,” she said.</p>
-
-<p>Miss Lance raised herself in a moment from that half-recumbent position
-against the wall. She recovered herself, got back her colour and the
-brightness of her eyes, and that look of being perfectly natural, at her
-ease, unstrained, spontaneous, which she had shown throughout the
-interview with Charlie. “Certainly,” she said. There did not seem to be
-time for the twinkling of an eyelid between the one mood and the other.
-She required no preparation or interval to pull herself together. She
-looked at the two sisters as if to call them to follow her, and then
-walked quietly downstairs to be tried for her life&mdash;like a martyr&mdash;oh,
-no, for she was not a martyr, but a criminal. She had no confidence of
-innocence about her. She knew what indictment was about to be brought
-against her, and she knew it was true. This knowledge, however, gives a
-certain strength. It gives courage such as the innocent who do not know
-what charge may be brought against them or how to meet it, do not
-possess. She had rehearsed the scene. She knew what she was going to be
-accused of, and had thought over, and set in order, all the pleas. She
-knew exactly what she had done and what she had not, which was a tower
-of strength to her, and she knew that on her power of fighting it out
-depended her life. It is difficult altogether to deny our sympathy to a
-brave creature fighting for bare life. However guilty he may be, human
-nature takes sides with him, hopes in the face of all justice that there
-may be a loophole of escape. Even Bee, coming slowly downstairs after
-her, already thrown into a curious tumult of feeling by that scene in
-Charlie’s room, began to feel her breath quicken with excitement even in
-the hostility of her heart.</p>
-
-<p>There was one thing that Miss Lance had not foreseen, and that burst
-upon her at once when the maid opened the door&mdash;Colonel Kingsward,
-standing with his arm upon the mantel-piece and his countenance as if
-turned to stone. The shock which this sight gave her was very difficult
-to overcome or conceal, it struck her with a sudden dart as of despair;
-her impulse was to fling down her arms, to acknowledge herself
-vanquished, and to retreat, a defeated and ruined adventuress, but she
-was too brave and unalterably by nature too sanguine to do this. She
-gave him a nod and a smile, to which he scarcely responded, as she went
-towards Mrs. Leigh.</p>
-
-<p>“How strange,” she said, “when I come to see a new friend to find so old
-a friend! I wondered if it could be Mr. Leigh’s house, but I was not
-sure&mdash;of the number.”</p>
-
-<p>“I am afraid I cannot say I am glad to see you, Laura,” said Mrs. Leigh.</p>
-
-<p>“No? Perhaps it would have been too much to expect. We were, so to
-speak, on different sides. Poor Amy, I know, was never satisfactory to
-you, and I don’t wonder. Of course you only thought of me as her
-friend.”</p>
-
-<p>“If that were all!” Mrs. Leigh said.</p>
-
-<p>“Was there more than that? May I sit down? I have had a long walk, and
-rather an exhaustive interview&mdash;and I did not expect to be put on my
-trial. But it is always best to know what one is accused of. I think it
-quite natural&mdash;quite natural that you should not like me, Mrs. Leigh. I
-was Amy’s friend and she was trying to you. She put me in a very false
-position which I ought never to have accepted. But yet&mdash;I understand
-your attitude, and I submit to it with respect&mdash;but, pardon
-me&mdash;sincerely, I don’t know what there was more.”</p>
-
-<p>Miss Lance had taken a chair, a perfectly upright one, on which few
-people could have sat gracefully. She made it evident that it was mere
-fatigue which made her subside upon it momentarily, and lifted her fine
-head and limpid eyes with so candid and respectful an air towards Mrs.
-Leigh’s comfortable, unheroic face, that no contrast of the oppressed
-and oppressor could have been more marked. If anyone had suffered in the
-matter between these two ladies, it certainly was not the one with the
-rosy countenance and round, well-filled-out figure; or so, at least, any
-impartial observer certainly would have felt.</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Leigh, for her part, was almost speechless with excitement and
-anger. She had intended to keep perfectly calm, but the look, the tone,
-the appearance of this personage altogether, brought before her
-overpoweringly many past scenes&mdash;scenes in which, to tell the truth,
-Miss Lance had not been always in the wrong, in which the other figure,
-now altogether disappeared, of Aubrey’s wife was the foremost, an
-immovable gentle-mannered fool, with whom all reason and argument were
-unavailing, whom everybody had believed to be inspired by the companion
-to whom she clung. All Amy’s faults had been bound upon Laura’s
-shoulders, but this was not altogether deserved, and Miss Lance did not
-shrink from anything that could be said on that subject. It required
-more courage to say, “Was there anything more?”</p>
-
-<p>“More!” cried Mrs. Leigh, choking with the remembrance. “More! My boy’s
-house was made unsafe for him, it was made miserable to him, he was
-involved in every kind of danger and scandal, and she asks me if there
-was more?”</p>
-
-<p>“Poor Amy,” said Miss Lance, with a little pause on the name, shaking
-her head gently in compassion and regret. “Poor Amy put me in a very
-false position. I have already said so, I ought not to have accepted it,
-I ought not to have promised; but it was so difficult to refuse a
-promise to the dying. Let Colonel Kingsward judge. She was very unwise,
-but she had been my friend from infancy and clung to me more, much more
-than I wished. She exacted a promise from me on her death-bed that I
-would never leave her child&mdash;which was folly, and, perhaps more than
-folly, so far, at least, as I was concerned. You may imagine, Colonel
-Kingsward,” she added, steadfastly regarding him. He had kept his head
-turned away, not looking at her, but this gaze compelled him against his
-will to shift his position, to turn towards the appellant who made him
-the judge. He still kept his eyes away, but his head turned by an
-attraction which he could not withstand. “You may imagine, Colonel
-Kingsward&mdash;that I was the person who suffered most,” Miss Lance said
-after that pause, “compelled to stay in a house where I had never been
-welcome, except to poor Amy, who was dead; a sort of guardian, a sort of
-nurse, and yet with none of their rights, held fast by a promise which
-I had given against my will, and which I never ceased to regret. You are
-a man, Colonel Kingsward, but you have more understanding of a woman’s
-feelings than any I know. My position was a false one, it was cruel&mdash;but
-I was bound by my word.”</p>
-
-<p>“No one ought to have given such a promise,” he said, coldly, with
-averted eyes.</p>
-
-<p>“You are always right, I ought not to have done so; but she was dying,
-and I was fond of her, poor girl, though she was foolish&mdash;it is not
-always the wisest people one loves most&mdash;fond of her, very fond of her,
-and of her poor little child.”</p>
-
-<p>The tears came to Miss Lance’s eyes. She shook her head a little as if
-to shake them from her eyelashes. “Why should I cry? They have been so
-long happy, happier far than we&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Leigh, the prosecutor, the accuser, gave a gulp, a sob; the child
-was her grandchild, her only one&mdash;and besides anger in a woman is as
-prone to tears as sorrow. She gave a stifled cry, “I don’t deny you
-were good to the child; oh, Laura, I could have forgiven you
-everything! But not&mdash;not&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“What?” Miss Lance said.</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Leigh seized upon Bee by the arm and drew her forward&mdash;Aubrey’s
-mother wanted words, she wanted eloquence, her arguments had to be
-pointed by fact. She took Bee, who had been standing in proud yet
-excited spectatorship, and held her by her own side. “Aubrey,” she said,
-almost inarticulately, and stopped to recover her breath&mdash;“Aubrey&mdash;whom
-you had driven from his home&mdash;found at last this dear girl, this nice,
-good girl, who would have made him a new life. But you interfered, you
-wrote to her father, you went&mdash;I don’t know what you did&mdash;and said you
-had a claim, a prior claim. If you appeal to Colonel Kingsward, he is
-the best judge. You went to him&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Not to me, I was not aware, I never even saw Miss Lance till long
-after; forgive me for interrupting you.”</p>
-
-<p>Miss Lance turned towards him again with that full look of faith and
-confidence. “Always just!” she said. And this time for a tremulous
-moment their eyes met. He turned his away again hastily, but he had
-received that touch; an indefinable wavering came over his aspect of
-iron.</p>
-
-<p>“Yes,” she said, “I do not deny it&mdash;it is quite true. Shall I now
-explain before every one who is here? I think,” she added, after a
-moment, “that my little Betty, who has nothing particular to do with it,
-may run away.”</p>
-
-<p>“I!” said Betty, clinging to the back of a chair.</p>
-
-<p>“Go,” said her father, impatiently, “go!”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, my dear, run away. Charlie must want some one. He will have got
-over me a little, and he will want some one. Dear little Betty, run
-away!”</p>
-
-<p>Miss Lance rose from her seat&mdash;probably that too was a relief to
-her&mdash;and, with a smile and a kiss, turned Betty out of the room. She
-came back then and sat down again. It gained a little time, and she was
-at a crisis harder than she had ever faced before. She had gained a
-moment to think, but even now she was not sure what way there was out of
-this strait, the most momentous in which she had ever been. She looked
-round her at one after another with a look that seemed as secure and
-confident, as easy and natural, as before; but her brain was working at
-the most tremendous rate, looking for some clue, some indication. She
-looked round as with a pause of conscious power, and then her gaze fixed
-itself on Bee. Bee stood near Mrs. Leigh’s chair. She was standing firm
-but tremulous, a deeply concerned spectator, but there was on her face
-nothing of the eager attention with which a girl would listen to an
-explanation about her lover. She was not more interested than she had
-been before, not so much so as when Charlie was in question. When Mrs.
-Leigh, in her indictment, said, “You interfered,” Bee had made a faint,
-almost imperceptible movement of her head. The mind works very quickly
-when its fate hangs on the balance of a minute, and now, suddenly, the
-culprit arraigned before these terrible judges saw her way.</p>
-
-<p>“I interfered,” Miss Lance said, slowly, “but not because of any prior
-claim;”&mdash;she paused again for a moment&mdash;“that would have been as absurd
-as in the case Colonel Kingsward knows of. I interfered&mdash;because I had
-other reasons for believing that Aubrey Leigh was not the man to marry a
-dear, good, nice girl.”</p>
-
-<p>“You had&mdash;other reasons, Laura! Mind what you are saying&mdash;you will have
-to prove your words,” cried Mrs. Leigh, rising in her wrath, with an
-astonished and threatening face.</p>
-
-<p>“I do not ask his mother to believe me. It is before Colonel Kingsward,”
-said Miss Lance, “that I stand or fall.”</p>
-
-<p>“Colonel Kingsward, make her speak out! You know it was because she
-claimed my son&mdash;she, a woman twice his age; and now she pretends&mdash;&mdash;
-Make her speak out! How dare you? You said he had promised to marry
-you&mdash;that he was bound to you. Colonel Kingsward, make her speak out!”</p>
-
-<p>“That was what I understood,” he said, looking out of the window, his
-head turned half towards the other speakers, but not venturing to look
-at them. “I did not see Miss Lance, but that was what I understood.”</p>
-
-<p>Laura sat firm, as if she were made of marble, but almost as pale. Her
-nerves were so highly strung that if she had for a moment relaxed their
-tension, she would have fallen to the ground. She sat like a rock,
-holding herself together with the strong grasp of her clasped hands.</p>
-
-<p>“You hear, you hear! You are convicted out of your own mouth. Oh, you
-are cruel, you are wicked, Laura Lance! If you have anything to say
-speak out, speak out!”</p>
-
-<p>“I will say nothing,” said Miss Lance. “I will leave another, a better
-witness, to say it for me. Colonel Kingsward, ask your daughter if it
-was because of my prior claim, as his mother calls it, that she broke
-off her engagement with Aubrey Leigh.”</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward turned, surprised, to his daughter, who, roused by the
-sound of her own name, looked up quickly&mdash;first at the seemingly
-composed and serious woman opposite to her, then at her father. He spoke
-to her angrily, abruptly.</p>
-
-<p>“Do you hear? Answer the question that is put to you. Was it because of
-this lady, or any claim of hers, that you&mdash;how shall I say it?&mdash;a girl
-like you had no right to decide one way or the other&mdash;that you broke
-off&mdash;that your mind was changed towards Mr. Aubrey Leigh?”</p>
-
-<p>It appeared to Bee suddenly as if she had become the culprit, and all
-eyes were fixed on her. She trembled, looking at them all. What had she
-done? She was surely unhappy enough, wretched enough, a clandestine
-visitor, keeping Aubrey out of his own house, and what had she to do
-with Aubrey? Nothing, nothing! Nor he with her&mdash;that her heart should
-now be snatched out of her bosom publicly in respect to him.</p>
-
-<p>“That is long past,” she said, faltering, “it is an old story. Mr.
-Aubrey Leigh is&mdash;a stranger to me; it is of no consequence&mdash;now!”</p>
-
-<p>“Bee,” her father thundered at her, “answer the question! Was it because
-of&mdash;this lady that you changed your mind?”</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward had always the art, somehow, of kindling the blaze of
-opposition in the blue eyes which were so like his own. She looked at
-him almost fiercely in reply, fully roused.</p>
-
-<p>“No!” she said, “no! It was not because of&mdash;that lady. It was
-another&mdash;reason of my own.”</p>
-
-<p>“What was your reason?” cried Mrs. Leigh. “Oh, Bee, speak! What was it,
-what was it? Tell me, tell me, my dear, what was your reason? that I may
-prove to you it was not true.”</p>
-
-<p>“Had it anything to do with&mdash;this lady?” asked Colonel Kingsward once
-more.</p>
-
-<p>“I never spoke to that lady but once,” cried Bee, almost violently. “I
-don’t know her; I don’t want to know her. She has nothing to do with it.
-It was because of something quite different, something that we
-heard&mdash;I&mdash;and mamma.”</p>
-
-<p>Miss Lance looked at him with a smile on her face, loosing the grip of
-her hands, spreading them out in demonstration of her acquittal. She
-rose up slowly, her beautiful eyes filled with tears. She allowed it to
-be seen for the first time how she was shaken with emotion.</p>
-
-<p>“You have heard,” she said, “a witness you trust more than me&mdash;if I put
-myself into the breach to secure a pause, it was only such a piece of
-folly as I have done before. I hope now that you will let me withdraw.
-I am dreadfully tired, I am not fit for any more.”</p>
-
-<p>She looked with that appeal upon her face, first at one of her judges,
-then at the other. “If you are satisfied, let me go.” It seemed as if
-she could not say a word more. They made no response, but she did not
-wait for that. “I take it for granted,” she added, “that by that child’s
-mouth I am cleared,” and then she turned towards the door.</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Kingsward, with a little start, came from his place by the
-mantel-piece and opened it for her, as he would have done for any woman.
-She let it appear that this movement was unexpected, and went to her
-heart; she paused a moment looking up at him&mdash;her eyes swimming in
-tears, her mouth quivering.</p>
-
-<p>“How kind you are!” she said, “even though you don’t believe in me any
-more! but I have done all I can. I am very tired, scarcely able to
-walk.” He stood rigid, and made no sign, and she, looking at him, softly
-shook her head&mdash;“Let me see you at least once,” she said, very low, in a
-pleading tone, “this evening, some time?”</p>
-
-<p>Still he gave no answer, standing like a man of iron, holding the door
-open. She gave him another look, and then walked quietly, but with a
-slight quiver and half stumble, away. They all stood watching until her
-tall figure was seen to pass the window, disappearing in the street,
-which is the outer world.</p>
-
-<p>“Colonel Kingsward&mdash;” said Mrs. Leigh.</p>
-
-<p>He started at the sound of his name, as if he had but just awakened out
-of a dream, and began to smooth his hat, which all this time he had held
-in his hands.</p>
-
-<p>“Excuse me,” he said, “excuse me, another time. I have some pressing
-business to see to now.”</p>
-
-<p>And he, too, disappeared into that street which led both ways, into the
-monotony of London, which is the world.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_LI" id="CHAPTER_LI"></a>CHAPTER LI.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">Those</span> who were left behind were not very careful of what Colonel
-Kingsward did. They were not thinking of his concerns; in the strain of
-personal feeling the most generous of human creatures is forced to think
-first of their own. Neither of the women who were left in the room had
-any time to consider the matter, but if they had they would have made
-sure without hesitation that nothing which could happen to Colonel
-Kingsward could be half so important as that crisis in which his
-daughter was involved.</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Leigh turned round upon the girl by her side and seized her hands.
-“Bee,” she cried, “now we are alone and we can speak freely. Tell me
-what it was, there is nobody here to frighten you, to take the words
-from your mouth. What was it, what was it that made you turn from
-Aubrey? At last, at last, it can be cleared up whatever it was.”</p>
-
-<p>Bee turned away, trying to disengage her hands. “It is of no
-consequence,” she said, “Oh, don’t make me go back to those old, old
-things. What does it matter to Mr. Leigh? And as for me&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“It matters everything to Aubrey. He will be able to clear himself if
-you will give him the chance. How could he clear himself when he was
-never allowed to speak, when he did not know? Bee, in justice, in mere
-justice! What was it? You said your mother&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes, I had her then. We heard it together, and she felt it like me. But
-we had no time to talk of it after, for she was ill. If you would please
-not ask me, Mrs. Leigh! I was very miserable&mdash;mother dying, and nowhere,
-nowhere in all the world anything to trust to. Don’t, oh! don’t make me
-go back upon it! I am not&mdash;so very&mdash;happy, even now!”</p>
-
-<p>The girl would not let herself be drawn into Mrs. Leigh’s arms. She
-refused to rest her head upon the warm and ample bosom which was offered
-to her. She drew away her hands. It was difficult, very difficult, to
-keep from crying. It is always hard for a girl to keep from crying when
-her being is so moved. The only chance for her was to keep apart from
-all contact, to stand by herself and persuade herself that nobody cared
-and that she was alone in the world.</p>
-
-<p>“Bee, I believe,” said Mrs. Leigh, solemnly, “that you have but to speak
-a word and you will be happy. You have not your mother now. You can’t
-turn to her and ask her what you should do. But I am sure that she would
-say, ‘speak!’ If she were here she would not let you break a man’s heart
-and spoil his life for a punctilio. I have always heard she was a good
-woman and kind&mdash;kind. Bee,” the elder lady laid her hand suddenly on the
-girl’s shoulder, making her start, “she would say ‘speak’ if she were
-here.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, mamma, if you were here!” said Bee, through her tears.</p>
-
-<p>She broke down altogether and became inarticulate, sobbing with her face
-buried in her hands. The ordeal of the last two days had been severe.
-Charlie and his concerns and the appearance of Miss Lance, and the
-conflict only half understood which had been going on round her, had
-excited and disturbed her beyond expression, as everybody could see and
-understand. But, indeed, these were but secondary elements in the storm
-which had overwhelmed Bee, which was chiefly brought back by that sudden
-plunge into the atmosphere of Aubrey. The sensation of being in his
-house, which she might in other circumstances have shared with him, of
-sitting at his table, in his seat, under the roof that habitually
-sheltered him&mdash;here, where her own life ought to have been passed, but
-where the first condition now was that there should be nothing of him
-visible. In Aubrey’s house, but not for Aubrey! Aubrey banished, lest
-perhaps her eyes might fall upon him by chance, or her ears be offended
-by the sound of his voice! Even his mother did not understand how much
-this had to do with the passion and trouble of the girl, from whose
-eyes the innocent name of her mother, sweetest though saddest of
-memories, had let forth the salt and boiling tears. If Mrs. Leigh had
-been anybody in the world save Aubrey’s mother, Bee would have clung to
-her, accepting the tender support and consolation of the elder women’s
-arms and her sympathy, but from Aubrey’s mother she felt herself
-compelled to keep apart.</p>
-
-<p>It was not until her almost convulsive sobbing was over that this
-question could be re-opened, and in the meantime Betty having heard the
-sound of the closing door came rushing downstairs and burst into the
-room: perhaps she was not so much disturbed or excited as Mrs. Leigh was
-by Bee’s condition. She gave her sister a kiss as she lay on the sofa
-where Mrs. Leigh had placed her, and patted her on the shoulder.</p>
-
-<p>“She will be better when she has had it out,” said Betty. “She has
-worked herself up into such a state about Miss Lance. And oh, please
-tell me what has happened. You are her enemy, too, Mrs. Leigh&mdash;oh, how
-can you misjudge her so! As if she had been the cause of any harm! I was
-sent away,” said Betty, “and, of course, Bee could not speak&mdash;but I
-could have told you. Yes, of course, I knew! How could I help knowing,
-being her sister? I can’t tell whether she told me, I knew without
-telling; and, of course, she must have told me. This is how it was&mdash;&mdash;”</p>
-
-<p>Bee put forth her hand and caught her sister by the dress, but Betty was
-not so easily stopped. She turned round quickly, and took the detaining
-hand into her own and patted and caressed it.</p>
-
-<p>“It is far better to speak out,” she said, “it must be told now, and
-though I am young and you call me little Betty, I cannot help hearing,
-can I, what people say? Mrs. Leigh, this was how it was. Whatever
-happened about dear Miss Lance&mdash;whom I shall stick to and believe in
-whatever you say,” cried Betty, by way of an interlude, with flashing
-eyes, “that had nothing, nothing to do with it. That was a story&mdash;like
-Charlie’s, I suppose, and Bee no more made a fuss about it than I should
-do. It was after, when Bee was standing by Aubrey, like&mdash;like Joan of
-Arc; yes, of course I shall call him Aubrey&mdash;I should like to have him
-for a brother, but that has got nothing to do with it. A lady came to
-call upon mamma, and she told a story about someone on the railway who
-had met Aubrey on the way home after that scene at Cologne, after he was
-engaged to Bee, and was miserable because of papa’s opposition.” Betty
-spoke so fast that her words tumbled over each other, so to speak, in
-the rush for utterance. “Well, he was seen,” she resumed, pausing for
-breath, “putting a young woman with children into one of the sleeping
-carriages&mdash;a poor young woman that had no money or right to be there. He
-put her in, and when they got to London he was seen talking to her, and
-giving her money, as if she belonged to him. I don’t see any harm in
-that, for he was always kind to poor people. But these ladies did, and I
-suppose so did mamma, and Bee blazed up. That is just like her. She
-takes fire, she never waits to ask questions, she stops her ears. She
-thought it was something dreadful, showing that he had never cared for
-her, that he had cared for other people even when he was pretending, I
-should have done quite different. I should have said, ‘Now, look here,
-Aubrey, what does it mean?’&mdash;or, rather, I should never have thought
-anything but that he was kind. He was always kind&mdash;silly, indeed, about
-poor people, as so many are.”</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Leigh had followed Betty’s rapid narrative with as much attention
-as she could concentrate upon it, but the speed with which the words
-flew forth, the little interruptions, the expressions of Betty’s matured
-and wise opinions, bewildered her beyond measure.</p>
-
-<p>“What does it all mean?” she asked, looking from one to another when the
-story was done. “A sleeping carriage on the railway&mdash;a woman with
-children&mdash;as if she belonged to him? How could a woman with children
-belong to him?” Then she paused and grew crimson with an old woman’s
-painful blush. “Is it vice, horrible vulgar vice, this child is
-attributing to my boy?”</p>
-
-<p>The two girls stared, confused and troubled. Bee got up from the sofa
-and put her hands to her head, her eyes fixed upon Mrs. Leigh with an
-appalled and horrified look. She had not asked herself of what Aubrey
-had been accused. She had fled from him before the dreadful thought of
-relationships she did not understand, of something which was the last
-insult to her, whatever it might be in itself. “Vulgar vice!” The girls
-were cowed as if some guilt had been imputed to themselves.</p>
-
-<p>“You are not like anything I have known, you girls of the period,” cried
-the angry mother. “You are acquainted with such things as I at my age
-had never heard of. You make accusations! But now&mdash;he shall answer for
-himself,” she said, flaming with righteous wrath. Mrs. Leigh went to the
-bell and rang it so violently that the sound echoed all over the house.</p>
-
-<p>“Go and ask your master to come here at once, directly; I want him this
-moment,” she said, stamping her foot in her impatience. And then there
-was a pause. The man went off and was seen from the window to cross the
-street on his errand. Then Bee rose, her tears hastily dried up, pushing
-back from her forehead her disordered hair.</p>
-
-<p>“I had better go. If you have sent for Mr. Leigh it will be better that
-I should go.”</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Leigh was almost incapable of speech. She took Bee by the shoulders
-and put her back almost violently on the sofa. “You shall stay there,”
-she said, in a choked and angry voice.</p>
-
-<p>What a horrible pause it was! The girls were silent, looking at each
-other with wild alarm. Betty, who had blurted out the story, but to whom
-the idea of repeating it before Aubrey&mdash;before a man&mdash;was unspeakable
-horror, made a step towards the door. Then she said, “No, I will not run
-away,” with tremendous courage. “It is not our fault,” she added, after
-a pause. “Bee, if I have got to say it again, give me your hand.”</p>
-
-<p>“It is I who ought to say it,” said Bee, pale with the horror of what
-was to come. “Vulgar vice!” And she to accuse him, and to stand up
-before the world and say that was why!</p>
-
-<p>It seemed a long time, but it was really only a few minutes, before
-Aubrey appeared. He came in quickly, breathless with haste and suspense.
-He expected, from what his mother had told him, to find Miss Lance and
-Colonel Kingsward there. He came into the agitated room and found, of
-all people in the world, Bee and Betty, terrified, and his mother,
-walking about the room sounding, as it were, a metaphorical lash about
-their ears, in the frank passion of an elder woman who has the most just
-cause of offence and no reason to bate her breath. There was something
-humorous in the tragic situation, but to them it was wholly tragic, and
-Aubrey, seeing for the first time after so long an interval the girl he
-loved, and seeing her in such strange circumstances, was by no means
-disposed to see any humorous side.</p>
-
-<p>“Here, Aubrey!” said his mother, “I have called upon you to hear what
-you are accused of. You thought it was Laura Lance, but she has nothing
-to do with it. You are accused of travelling from Germany, that time
-when you were sent off from Cologne&mdash;the time those Kingswards turned
-upon you”&mdash;(the girls both started, and recovered themselves a little at
-the shock of this contemptuous description),&mdash;“travelling in sleeping
-carriages and I know not what with a woman and children, who were
-believed to belong to you! What have you to say?”</p>
-
-<p>“That was not what I said, Mrs. Leigh.”</p>
-
-<p>“What have you to say?” cried Mrs. Leigh, waving her hand to silence
-Betty; “the accused has surely the right to speak first.”</p>
-
-<p>“What have I to say? But to what, mother? What is it? Was I travelling
-with a woman and children? I suppose I was travelling&mdash;with all the
-women and children that were in the same train. But otherwise, of course
-you know I was with nobody. What does it mean?”</p>
-
-<p>Bee got up from the sofa like a ghost, her blue eyes wild, her face
-pale. “Oh, let us go, let us go! Do not torment us,” she said. “I will
-acknowledge that it was not true. Now that I see him I am sure that it
-was not true. I was mad. I was so stung to think&mdash;&mdash; Mrs. Leigh, do not
-kill me! I did him no harm; do not, do not go over it any more!”</p>
-
-<p>“Go over what?” cried Aubrey. “Bee! She can’t stand, she doesn’t see
-where she is going. Mother, what on earth does it matter what was
-against me if it is all over? Mother! How dare you torture my poor
-girl&mdash;?”</p>
-
-<p>This was naturally all the thanks Mrs. Leigh got for her efforts to
-unravel the mystery, which the reader knows was the most innocent
-mystery, and which had never been cleared up or thought of since that
-day. It came clear of itself the moment that Aubrey, only to support
-her, took Bee into his arms.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_LII" id="CHAPTER_LII"></a>CHAPTER LII.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">The Sorceress</span> walked away very slowly down the street.</p>
-
-<p>She had the sensation of having fallen from a great height, after the
-excitement of having fought bravely to keep her place there, and of
-having anticipated every step of a combat still more severe which yet
-had not come to pass after her previsions. It had been a fight lasting
-for hours, from the moment Betty, all unconscious, had told her of the
-house in which Charlie was. That was in the morning, and now it was late
-afternoon, and the work of the day, the common work of the day in which
-all the innocent common people about had been employed, was rounding
-towards its end. It seemed to her a long, long time that she had been
-involved, first in imagination, in severe thought, and then in actual
-conflict&mdash;in this struggle, fighting for her life. From the beginning
-she had made up her mind that she should fail. It was a consciously
-losing game that she had fought so gallantly, never giving in; and
-indeed she was not unaware, nor was she without a languid satisfaction
-in the fact that she had indeed carried off the honours of the field,
-that it would not be said that she had been beaten. But what did that
-matter? Argument she knew and felt had nothing to do with such affairs.
-She had known herself to have lost from the moment she saw Colonel
-Kingsward standing there against the mantelpiece in the dining-room. It
-had not been possible for her then to give in, to turn and go forth into
-the street flinging down her arms. On the contrary, it was her nature to
-fight to the last; and she had carried off an apparent victory. She had
-marched off with colours flying from the field of battle, leaving every
-enemy confounded. But she herself entertained no illusion in the matter.
-It was possible no doubt that her spell might yet be strong enough upon
-her middle-aged captive to make him ignore and pass over everything that
-told against her&mdash;but, after considering the situation with a keen and
-close survey of every likelihood, she dismissed that hope. No, her
-chance was lost&mdash;again; the battle was over&mdash;again. It had been so near
-being successful that the shock was greater perhaps than usual; but she
-had now been feeling the shock for hours; so that her actual fall was as
-much a relief as a pang, and her mind, full of resource, obstinately
-sanguine, was becoming ready to pass on to the next chance, and had
-already sprung up to think&mdash;What now?</p>
-
-<p>I am sorry that in this story I have always been placed in natural
-opposition to this woman, who was certainly a creature full of interest,
-full of resource, and indomitable in her way. And she had a theory of
-existence, as, it is my opinion, we all must have, making out to
-ourselves the most plausible reasons and excuses for all we do. Her
-struggle&mdash;in which she would not have denied that she had sometimes been
-unscrupulous&mdash;had always been for a standing-ground on which, if once
-attained, she could have been good. She had always promised herself that
-she would be good when once she had attained&mdash;oh, excellent! kind, just,
-true!&mdash;a model woman. And what, after all, had been her methods? There
-had been little harm in them. Here and there somebody had been injured,
-as in the case of Aubrey Leigh, of Charlie Kingsward. To the first she
-had indeed done considerable harm, but then she had soothed the life of
-Amy, his little foolish wife, to whom she had been more kind than she
-had been unkind to him. She had not wanted to be the third person
-between that tiresome couple. She had stayed in his house from a kind of
-sense of duty, and had Aubrey Leigh indeed asked her to become his
-second wife she would, of course, have accepted him for the sake of the
-position, but with a grimace. She was not particularly sorry for having
-harmed him. It served him right for&mdash;well, for being Aubrey Leigh. And
-as for Bee Kingsward, she had triumphantly proved, much to her own
-surprise it must be said, that it was not she who had done Bee any
-harm. Then Charlie&mdash;poor Charlie, poor boy! He thought, of course, that
-he was very miserable and badly used. Great heavens! that a boy should
-have the folly to imagine that anything could make him miserable, at
-twenty-two&mdash;a man, and with all the world before him. Miss Lance at this
-moment was not in the least sorry for Charlie. It would do him good. A
-young fellow who had nothing in the world to complain of, who had
-everything in his favour&mdash;it was good for him to be unhappy a little, to
-be made to remember that he was only flesh and blood after all.</p>
-
-<p>Thus she came to the conclusion, as she walked along, that really she
-had done no harm to other people. To herself, alas! she was always doing
-harm, and every failure made it more and more unlikely that she would
-ever succeed. She did not brood over her losses when she was thus
-defeated. She turned to the next thing that offered with what would have
-been in a better cause a splendid philosophy, but yet in moments like
-this she felt that it became every day more improbable that she would
-ever succeed.</p>
-
-<p>Instead of the large and liberal sphere in which she always hoped to be
-able to fulfil all the duties of life in an imposing and remarkable way,
-she would have probably to drop into&mdash;what? A governess’s place, for
-which she would already be thought too old, some dreadful position about
-a school, some miserable place as housekeeper&mdash;she with all her schemes,
-her hopes of better things, her power over others. This prospect was
-always before her, and came back to her mind at moments when she was at
-the lowest ebb, for she had no money at all. She had always been
-dependent upon somebody. Even now her little campaign in George Street,
-Hanover Square, was at the expense of the friend with whom she had lived
-in Oxford, and who believed Laura was concerting measures to establish
-herself permanently in some remunerative occupation. These accounts
-would have to be settled somehow, and some other expedient be found by
-which to try again. Well, one thing done with, another to come on&mdash;was
-not that the course of life? And there was a certain relief in the
-thought that it was done with.</p>
-
-<p>The suspense was over; there was no longer the conflict between hope and
-fear, which wears out the nerves and clouds the clearness of one’s
-mental vision. One down, another come on! She said this to herself with
-a forlorn laugh in the depths of her being, yet not so very forlorn.
-This woman had a kind of pleasure in the new start, even when she did
-not know what it was to be. There are a great many things in which I
-avow I have the greatest sympathy with her, and find her more
-interesting than a great many blameless people. Poetic justice is
-generally in books awarded to such persons. But that is, one is aware,
-not always the case in life.</p>
-
-<p>While Miss Lance went on quietly along the long unlovely street, with
-those thoughts in her mind, walking more slowly than usual, a little
-languid and exhausted after her struggle, but as has been said frankly
-and without <i>arrière pensée</i> giving up the battle as lost, and accepting
-her defeat&mdash;she became suddenly aware of a quick firm footstep behind,
-sounding fast and continuous upon the pavement. A woman like this has
-all her wits very sharply about her, the ears and the sight of a
-savage, and an unslumbering habit of observation, or she could never
-carry on her career. She heard the step and instinctively noted it
-before her mind awoke to any sense of meaning and importance in it.
-Then, all at once, as it came just to that distance behind which made it
-apparent that this footstep was following someone who went before, it
-suddenly slackened without stopping, became slow when it had been fast.
-At this, her thoughts flew away like a mist and she became all ears, but
-she was too wise to turn round, to display any interest. Perhaps it
-might be that he was only going his own way, not intending to follow,
-and that he had slackened his pace unconsciously without ulterior
-motives when he saw her in front of him&mdash;though this Miss Lance scarcely
-believed.</p>
-
-<p>Perhaps&mdash;I will not affirm it&mdash;she threw a little more of her real
-languor and weariness into her attitude and movements when she made this
-exciting discovery. She was, in reality, very tired. She had looked so
-when she left the house; perhaps she had forgotten her great fatigue a
-little in the course of her walk, but it now came back again with
-double force, which is not unusual in the most matter of fact
-circumstances. As her pace grew slower, the footstep behind became
-slower also, but always followed on. Miss Lance proceeded steadily,
-choosing the quietest streets, pausing now and then at a shop window to
-rest. The climax came when she reached a window which had a rail round
-it, upon which she leaned heavily, every line of her dress expressing,
-with a faculty which her garments specially possessed, an exhaustion
-which could scarcely go further. Then she raised her head to look what
-the place was. It was full of embroideries and needlework, a woman’s
-shop, where she was sure of sympathy. She went in blindly, as if her
-very sight were clouded with her fatigue.</p>
-
-<p>“I am very tired,” she said; “I want some silk for embroidery; but that
-is not my chief object. May I sit down a little? I am so very tired.”</p>
-
-<p>“Certainly, ma’am, certainly,” cried the mistress of the shop, rushing
-round from behind the counter to place a chair for her and offer a
-glass of water. She sat down so as to be visible from the door, but
-still with her back to it. The step had stopped, and there was a shadow
-across the window&mdash;the tall shadow of a man looking in. A smile came
-upon Miss Lance’s face&mdash;of gratitude and thanks to the kind people&mdash;also
-perhaps of some internal satisfaction. But she did not act as if she
-were conscious of anyone waiting for her. She took the glass of water
-with many acknowledgments; she leant back on the chair murmuring,
-“Thanks, thanks,” to the exhortations of the shop-woman not to hurry, to
-take a good rest. She did not hurry at all. Finally, she was so much
-better as to be able to buy her silks, and, declaring herself quite
-restored, to go out again into the open air.</p>
-
-<p>She was met by the shadow that had been visible through the window, and
-which, as she knew very well, was Colonel Kingsward, stiff and
-embarrassed, yet with great anxiety in his face. “I feared you were
-ill,” he said, with a little jerk, the words coming in spite of him. “I
-feared you were fainting.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, Colonel Kingsward, you!”</p>
-
-<p>“Yes&mdash;I feared you were fainting. It is&mdash;nothing, I hope?”</p>
-
-<p>“Nothing but exhaustion,” she said, with a faint smile. “I was very
-tired, but I have rested and I am a little better now.”</p>
-
-<p>“Will you let me call a cab for you? You don’t seem fit to walk.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, no cab, thanks! I would much rather walk&mdash;the air and the slow
-movement does one a little good.”</p>
-
-<p>She was pale, and her voice was rather faint, and every line of her
-dress, as I have said, was tired&mdash;tired to death&mdash;and yet not
-ungracefully tired.</p>
-
-<p>“I cannot let you go like this alone.” His voice softened every moment;
-they went on for a step or two together. “You had better&mdash;take my arm,
-at least,” he said.</p>
-
-<p>She took it with a little cry and a sudden clasp. “I think you are not a
-mere man, but an archangel of kindness and goodness,” she said, with a
-faint laugh that broke down, and tears in her eyes.</p>
-
-<p>And I think for that moment, in the extraordinary revulsion of feeling,
-Miss Lance almost believed what she said.</p>
-
-<h2><a name="CHAPTER_LIII" id="CHAPTER_LIII"></a>CHAPTER LIII.</h2>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">What</span> more is there to say? It is better, when one is able to deal poetic
-justice all round, to reward the good and punish the evil. Who are the
-good and who are the evil? We have not to do with murderers, with
-breakers of the law, with enemies of God or man. If Aubrey Leigh had not
-been exceedingly imprudent, if Bee had not been hot-headed and
-passionate, there would never have been that miserable breach between
-them. And the Sorceress, who destroyed for a time the peace of the
-Kingsward family, really never at any time meant that family any real
-harm. She meant them indeed, to her own consciousness, all the good in
-the world, and to promote their welfare in every way by making them her
-own. And as a matter of fact she did so, devoting herself to their
-welfare. She made Colonel Kingsward an excellent wife and adopted his
-children into her sedulous and unremitting care with a zeal which a
-mother could not have surpassed. Her translation from scheming poverty
-to abundance, and that graceful modest wealth which is almost the most
-beautiful of the conditions of life, was made in a way which was quite
-exquisite as a work of art. Nobody could ever have suspected that she
-had been once poor. She had all the habits of the best society. There
-was nowhere they could go, even into the most exalted regions, where the
-new Mrs. Kingsward was not distinguished. She extended the Colonel’s
-connections and interest, and made his house popular and delightful; and
-she was perfect for his children. Even the county people and near
-neighbours, who were the most critical, acknowledged this. The little
-girls soon learned to adore their step-mother; the big boys admired and
-stood in awe of her, submitting more or less to her influence, though a
-little suspicious and sometimes half hostile. As for baby, who had been
-in a fair way of growing up detestable and a little family tyrant, his
-father’s new marriage was the saving of him. He scarcely knew as he grew
-up that the former Miss Lance was not his mother, and he was said in the
-family to be her idol, but a very well disciplined and well behaved
-idol, and the one of the boys who was likely to have the finest career.</p>
-
-<p>Charlie, poor Charlie, was not so fortunate, at least at first. The
-appointment which Colonel Kingsward declared he had been looking out for
-all along was got as soon as Charlie was able to accept it, and he left
-England when he was little more than convalescent. People said it was
-strange that a man with considerable influence, and in the very centre
-of affairs, should have sent his eldest son away to the ends of the
-earth, to a dangerous climate and a difficult post. But it turned out
-very well on the whole, for after a few years of languor and disgust
-with the world, there suddenly fell in Charlie’s way an opportunity of
-showing that there was, after all, a great deal of English pluck and
-courage in him. I do not think it came to anything more than that&mdash;but
-then that, at certain moments, has been the foundation and the saving
-of the British Empire in various regions of the world. There was not one
-of his relations who celebrated Charlie’s success with so much fervour
-as his step-mother, who was never tired of talking of it, nor of
-declaring that she had always expected as much, and known what was in
-him. Dear Charlie, she said, had fulfilled all her expectations, and
-made her more glad and proud than words could say. It was a poor return
-for this maternal devotion, yet a melancholy fact, that Charlie turned
-away in disgust whenever he heard of her, and could not endure her name.</p>
-
-<p>Bee, whose little troubles have been so much the subject of this story,
-accomplished her fate by becoming Mrs. Aubrey Leigh in the natural
-course of events. There was no family quarrel kept up to scandalise and
-amuse society, but there never was much intercourse nor any great
-cordiality between the houses of Kingswarden and Forestleigh. I think,
-however, that it was against her father that Bee’s heart revolted most.</p>
-
-<p class="c">THE END.</p>
-
-<hr class="full" />
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-<pre>
-
-
-
-
-
-End of Project Gutenberg's The Sorceress (complete), by Margaret Oliphant
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