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diff --git a/old/wglf110.txt b/old/wglf110.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 6fc0390..0000000 --- a/old/wglf110.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,21714 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of My Life, Volume I, by Richard Wagner - -Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the -copyright laws for your country before downloading or redistributing -this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook. - -This header should be the first thing seen when viewing this Project -Gutenberg file. Please do not remove it. Do not change or edit the -header without written permission. - -Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the -eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is -important information about your specific rights and restrictions in -how the file may be used. You can also find out about how to make a -donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. - - -**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** - -**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** - -*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!***** - - -Title: My Life, Volume I - -Author: Richard Wagner - -Release Date: February, 2004 [EBook #5197] -[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] -[This file was first posted on June 2, 2002] -[Date last updated: July 24, 2005] - -Edition: 10 - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, MY LIFE, VOLUME 1*** - - - - - -This eBook was produced by John Mamoun <mamounjo@umdnj.edu> with -help from Charles Franks and the Online distributed proofreading -website - - - - - - -My Life, Volume 1 - -By Richard Wagner - - - -TABLE OF CONTENTS - - - PREFACE - CONTENTS - MY LIFE - - PART I. 1813-1842 - PART II. 1842-1850 (Dresden) - - - - -PREFACE - - - -The contents of these volumes have been written down directly -from my dictation, over a period of several years, by my friend -and wife, who wished me to tell her the story of my life. It was -the desire of both of us that these details of my life should be -accessible to our family and to our sincere and trusted friends; -and we decided therefore, in order to provide against a possible -destruction of the one manuscript, to have a small number of -copies printed at our own expense. As the value of this -autobiography consists in its unadorned veracity, which, under -the circumstances, is its only justification, therefore my -statements had to be accompanied by precise names and dates; -hence there could be no question of their publication until some -time after my death, should interest in them still survive in our -descendants, and on that point I intend leaving directions in my -will. - -If, on the other hand, we do not refuse certain intimate friends -a sight of these papers now, it is that, relying on their genuine -interest in the contents, we are confident that they will not -pass on their knowledge to any who do not share their feelings in -the matter. - -Richard Wagner - - - -CONTENTS - - - - Part I. 1813-1842 - - Childhood and Schooldays - Musical Studies - Travels in Germany (First Marriage) - Paris: 1839-42 - - Part II. 1842-1850 (Dresden) - - 'Rienzi' - 'The Flying Dutchman' - Liszt, Spontini, Marschner, etc. - 'Tannhauser' - Franck, Schumann, Semper, Gutzkow, Auerbach - 'Lohengrin' (Libretto) - Ninth Symphony - Spohr, Gluck, Hiller, Devrient - Official Position. - Studies in Historical Literature - 'Rienzi' at Berlin - Relations with the Management, Mother's Death, etc. - Growing Sympathy with Political Events, Bakunin - The May Insurrection - Flight: Weimar, Zurich, Paris, Bordeaux, Geneva, Zurich - -ILLUSTRATIONS [not shown in e-text] - - FRONTISPIECE FOR VOLUME I - - Richard Wagner in 1842, from the Portrait by E. Kietz. - -FRONTISPIECE FOR VOLUME II - - Richard Wagner about 1872 by Lenbach. - -Original in the possession of Frau Cosima Wagner -These frontispieces are used by the courtesy of Mr. F. Bruckmann. - - - -MY LIFE - - - -PART I - -1813-1842 - - - -I was born at Leipzig on the 22nd of May 1813, in a room on the -second floor of the 'Red and White Lion,' and two days later was -baptized at St. Thomas's Church, and christened Wilhelm Richard. - -My father, Friedrich Wagner, was at the time of my birth a clerk -in the police service at Leipzig, and hoped to get the post of -Chief Constable in that town, but he died in the October of that -same year. His death was partly due to the great exertions -imposed upon him by the stress of police work during the war -troubles and the battle of Leipzig, and partly to the fact that -he fell a victim to the nervous fever which was raging at that -time. As regards his father's position in life, I learnt later -that he had held a small civil appointment as toll collector at -the Ranstadt Gate, but had distinguished himself from those in -the same station by giving his two sons a superior education, my -father, Friedrich, studying law, and the younger son, Adolph, -theology. - -My uncle subsequently exercised no small influence on my -development; we shall meet him again at a critical turning-point -in the story of my youth. - -My father, whom I had lost so early, was, as I discovered -afterwards, a great lover of poetry and literature in general, and -possessed in particular an almost passionate affection for the -drama, which was at that time much in vogue among the educated -classes. My mother told me, among other things, that he took her to -Lauchstadt for the first performance of the Braut von Messina, and -that on the promenade he pointed out Schiller and Goethe to her, -and reproved her warmly for never having heard of these great men. -He is said to have been not altogether free from a gallant interest -in actresses. My mother used to complain jokingly that she often -had to keep lunch waiting for him while he was paying court to a -certain famous actress of the day [FOOTNOTE: Madame Hartwig]. When -she scolded him, he vowed that he had been delayed by papers that -had to be attended to, and as a proof of his assertion pointed to -his fingers, which were supposed to be stained with ink, but on -closer inspection were found to be quite clean. His great fondness -for the theatre was further shown by his choice of the actor, -Ludwig Geyer, as one of his intimate friends. Although his choice -of this friend was no doubt mainly due to his love for the theatre, -he at the same time introduced into his family the noblest of -benefactors; for this modest artist, prompted by a warm interest in -the lot of his friend's large family, so unexpectedly left -destitute, devoted the remainder of his life to making strenuous -efforts to maintain and educate the orphans. Even when the police -official was spending his evenings at the theatre, the worthy actor -generally filled his place in the family circle, and it seems had -frequently to appease my mother, who, rightly or wrongly, -complained of the frivolity of her husband. - -How deeply the homeless artist, hard pressed by life and tossed -to and fro, longed to feel himself at home in a sympathetic -family circle, was proved by the fact that a year after his -friend's death he married his widow, and from that time forward -became a most loving father to the seven children that had been -left behind. - -In this onerous undertaking he was favoured by an unexpected -improvement in his position, for he obtained a remunerative, -respectable, and permanent engagement, as a character actor, at -the newly established Court Theatre in Dresden. His talent for -painting, which had already helped him to earn a livelihood when -forced by extreme poverty to break off his university studies, -again stood him in good stead in his position at Dresden. True, -he complained even more than his critics that he had been kept -from a regular and systematic study of this art, yet his -extraordinary aptitude, for portrait painting in particular, -secured him such important commissions that he unfortunately -exhausted his strength prematurely by his twofold exertions as -painter and actor. Once, when he was invited to Munich to fulfil a -temporary engagement at the Court Theatre, he received, through the -distinguished recommendation of the Saxon Court, such pressing -commissions from the Bavarian Court for portraits of the royal -family that he thought it wise to cancel his contract altogether. -He also had a turn for poetry. Besides fragments--often in very -dainty verse--he wrote several comedies, one of which, Der -Bethlehemitische Kindermord, in rhymed Alexandrines, was often -performed; it was published and received the warmest praise from -Goethe. - -This excellent man, under whose care our family moved to Dresden -when I was two years old, and by whom my mother had another -daughter, Cecilia, now also took my education in hand with the -greatest care and affection. He wished to adopt me altogether, -and accordingly, when I was sent to my first school, he gave me -his own name, so that till the age of fourteen I was known to my -Dresden schoolfellows as Richard Geyer; and it was not until some -years after my stepfather's death, and on my family's return to -Leipzig, the home of my own kith and kin, that I resumed the name -of Wagner. - -The earliest recollections of my childhood are associated with my -stepfather, and passed from him to the theatre. I well remember -that he would have liked to see me develop a talent for painting; -and his studio, with the easel and the pictures upon it, did not -fail to impress me. I remember in particular that I tried, with a -childish love of imitation, to copy a portrait of King Frederick -Augustus of Saxony; but when this simple daubing had to give -place to a serious study of drawing, I could not stand it, -possibly because I was discouraged by the pedantic technique of -my teacher, a cousin of mine, who was rather a bore. At one time -during my early boyhood I became so weak after some childish -ailment that my mother told me later she used almost to wish me -dead, for it seemed as though I should never get well. However, -my subsequent good health apparently astonished my parents. I -afterwards learnt the noble part played by my excellent -stepfather on this occasion also; he never gave way to despair, -in spite of the cares and troubles of so large a family, but -remained patient throughout, and never lost the hope of pulling -me through safely. - -My imagination at this time was deeply impressed by my -acquaintance with the theatre, with which I was brought into -contact, not only as a childish spectator from the mysterious -stagebox, with its access to the stage, and by visits to the -wardrobe with its fantastic costumes, wigs and other disguises, -but also by taking a part in the performances myself. After I had -been filled with fear by seeing my father play the villain's part -in such tragedies as Die Waise und der Morder, Die beiden -Galeerensklaven, I occasionally took part in comedy. I remember -that I appeared in Der Weinberg an der Elbe, a piece specially -written to welcome the King of Saxony on his return from -captivity, with music by the conductor, C. M. von Weber. In this -I figured in a tableau vivant as an angel, sewn up in tights with -wings on my back, in a graceful pose which I had laboriously -practised. I also remember on this occasion being given a big -iced cake, which I was assured the King had intended for me -personally. Lastly, I can recall taking a child's part in which I -had a few words to speak in Kotzebue's Menschenhass und Reue -[Footnote: 'Misanthropy and Remorse.'], which furnished me with -an excuse at school for not having learnt my lessons. I said I -had too much to do, as I had to learn by heart an important part -in Den Menschen ausser der Reihe. [Footnote: 'The Man out of the -Rank or Row.' In the German this is a simple phonetic corruption -of Kotzebue's title, which might easily occur to a child who had -only heard, and not read, that title.--EDITOR.] - -On the other hand, to show how seriously my father regarded my -education, when I was six years old he took me to a clergyman in -the country at Possendorf, near Dresden, where I was to be given -a sound and healthy training with other boys of my own class. In -the evening, the vicar, whose name was Wetzel, used to tell us -the story of Robinson Crusoe, and discuss it with us in a highly -instructive manner. I was, moreover, much impressed by a -biography of Mozart which was read aloud; and the newspaper -accounts and monthly reports of the events of the Greek War of -Independence stirred my imagination deeply. My love for Greece, -which afterwards made me turn with enthusiasm to the mythology -and history of ancient Hellas, was thus the natural outcome of -the intense and painful interest I took in the events of this -period. In after years the story of the struggle of the Greeks -against the Persians always revived my impressions of this modern -revolt of Greece against the Turks. - -One day, when I had been in this country home scarcely a year, a -messenger came from town to ask the vicar to take me to my -parents' house in Dresden, as my father was dying. - -We did the three hours' journey on foot; and as I was very -exhausted when I arrived, I scarcely understood why my mother was -crying. The next day I was taken to my father's bedside; the -extreme weakness with which he spoke to me, combined with all the -precautions taken in the last desperate treatment of his -complaint--acute hydrothorax--made the whole scene appear like a -dream to me, and I think I was too frightened and surprised to -cry. - -In the next room my mother asked me to show her what I could play -on the piano, wisely hoping to divert my father's thoughts by the -sound. I played Ueb' immer Treu und Redlichkeit, and my father -said to her, 'Is it possible he has musical talent?' - -In the early hours of the next morning my mother came into the -great night nursery, and, standing by the bedside of each of us -in turn, told us, with sobs, that our father was dead, and gave -us each a message with his blessing. To me she said, 'He hoped to -make something of you.' - -In the afternoon my schoolmaster, Wetzel, came to take me back to -the country. We walked the whole way to Possendorf, arriving at -nightfall. On the way I asked him many questions about the stars, -of which he gave me my first intelligent idea. - -A week later my stepfather's brother arrived from Eisleben for -the funeral. He promised, as far as he was able, to support the -family, which was now once more destitute, and undertook to -provide for my future education. - -I took leave of my companions and of the kind-hearted clergyman, -and it was for his funeral that I paid my next visit to -Possendorf a few years later. I did not go to the place again -till long afterwards, when I visited it on an excursion such as I -often made, far into the country, at the time when I was -conducting the orchestra in Dresden. I was much grieved not to -find the old parsonage still there, but in its place a more -pretentious modern structure, which so turned me against the -locality, that thenceforward my excursions were always made in -another direction. - -This time my uncle brought me back to Dresden in the carriage. I -found my mother and sister in the deepest mourning, and remember -being received for the first time with a tenderness not usual in -our family; and I noticed that the same tenderness marked our -leave-taking, when, a few days later, my uncle took me with him -to Eisleben. - -This uncle, who was a younger brother of my stepfather, had -settled there as a goldsmith, and Julius, one of my elder -brothers, had already been apprenticed to him. Our old -grandmother also lived with this bachelor son, and as it was -evident that she could not live long, she was not informed of the -death of her eldest son, which I, too, was bidden to keep to -myself. The servant carefully removed the crape from my coat, -telling me she would keep it until my grandmother died, which was -likely to be soon. - -I was now often called upon to tell her about my father, and it -was no great difficulty for me to keep the secret of his death, -as I had scarcely realised it myself. She lived in a dark back -room looking out upon a narrow courtyard, and took a great -delight in watching the robins that fluttered freely about her, -and for which she always kept fresh green boughs by the stove. -When some of these robins were killed by the cat, I managed to -catch others for her in the neighbourhood, which pleased her very -much, and, in return, she kept me tidy and clean. Her death, as -had been expected, took place before long, and the crape that had -been put away was now openly worn in Eisleben. - -The back room, with its robins and green branches, now knew me no -more, but I soon made myself at home with a soap-boiler's family, -to whom the house belonged, and became popular with them on -account of the stories I told them. - -I was sent to a private school kept by a man called Weiss, who -left an impression of gravity and dignity upon my mind. - -Towards the end of the fifties I was greatly moved at reading in -a musical paper the account of a concert at Eisleben, consisting -of parts of Tannhauser, at which my former master, who had not -forgotten his young pupil, had been present. - -The little old town with Luther's house, and the numberless -memorials it contained of his stay there, has often, in later -days, come back to me in dreams. I have always wished to revisit -it and verify the clearness of my recollections, but, strange to -say, it has never been my fate to do so. We lived in the market- -place, where I was often entertained by strange sights, such, for -instance, as performances by a troupe of acrobats, in which a man -walked a rope stretched from tower to tower across the square, an -achievement which long inspired me with a passion for such feats -of daring. Indeed, I got so far as to walk a rope fairly easily -myself with the help of a balancing-pole. I had made the rope out -of cords twisted together and stretched across the courtyard, and -even now I still feel a desire to gratify my acrobatic instincts. -The thing that attracted me most, however, was the brass band of -a Hussar regiment quartered at Eisleben. It often played a -certain piece which had just come out, and which was making a -great sensation, I mean the 'Huntsmen's Chorus' out of the -Freischutz, that had been recently performed at the Opera in -Berlin. My uncle and brother asked me eagerly about its composer, -Weber, whom I must have seen at my parents' house in Dresden, -when he was conductor of the orchestra there. - -About the same time the Jungfernkranz was zealously played and -sung by some friends who lived near us. These two pieces cured me -of my weakness for the 'Ypsilanti' Waltz, which till that time I -had regarded as the most wonderful of compositions. - -I have recollections of frequent tussles with the town boys, who -were constantly mocking at me for my 'square' cap; and I -remember, too, that I was very fond of rambles of adventure among -the rocky banks of the Unstrut. - -My uncle's marriage late in life, and the starting of his new -home, brought about a marked alteration in his relations to my -family. - -After a lapse of a year I was taken by him to Leipzig, and handed -over for some days to the Wagners, my own father's relatives, -consisting of my uncle Adolph and his sister Friederike Wagner. -This extraordinarily interesting man, whose influence afterwards -became ever more stimulating to me, now for the first time -brought himself and his singular environment into my life. - -He and my aunt were very close friends of Jeannette Thome, a -queer old maid who shared with them a large house in the market- -place, in which, if I am not mistaken, the Electoral family of -Saxony had, ever since the days of Augustus the Strong, hired and -furnished the two principal storeys for their own use whenever -they were in Leipzig. - -So far as I know, Jeannette Thome really owned the second storey, -of which she inhabited only a modest apartment looking out on the -courtyard. As, however, the King merely occupied the hired rooms -for a few days in the year, Jeannette and her circle generally -made use of his splendid apartments, and one of these staterooms -was made into a bedroom for me. - -The decorations and fittings of these rooms also dated from the -days of Augustus the Strong. They were luxurious with heavy silk -and rich rococo furniture, all of which were much soiled with -age. As a matter of fact, I was delighted by these large strange -rooms, looking out upon the bustling Leipzig market-place, where -I loved above all to watch the students in the crowd making their -way along in their old-fashioned 'Club' attire, and filling up -the whole width of the street. - -There was only one portion of the decorations of the rooms that I -thoroughly disliked, and this consisted of the various portraits, -but particularly those of high-born dames in hooped petticoats, -with youthful faces and powdered hair. These appeared to me -exactly like ghosts, who, when I was alone in the room, seemed to -come back to life, and filled me with the most abject fear. To -sleep alone in this distant chamber, in that old-fashioned bed of -state, beneath those unearthly pictures, was a constant terror to -me. It is true I tried to hide my fear from my aunt when she -lighted me to bed in the evening with her candle, but never a -night passed in which I was not a prey to the most horrible -ghostly visions, my dread of which would leave me in a bath of -perspiration. - -The personality of the three chief occupants of this storey was -admirably adapted to materialise the ghostly impressions of the -house into a reality that resembled some strange fairy-tale. - -Jeannette Thome was very small and stout; she wore a fair Titus -wig, and seemed to hug to herself the consciousness of vanished -beauty. My aunt, her faithful friend and guardian, who was also -an old maid, was remarkable for the height and extreme leanness -of her person. The oddity of her otherwise very pleasant face was -increased by an exceedingly pointed chin. - -My uncle Adolph had chosen as his permanent study a dark room in -the courtyard. There it was that I saw him for the first time, -surrounded by a great wilderness of books, and attired in an -unpretentious indoor costume, the most striking feature of which -was a tall, pointed felt cap, such as I had seen worn by the -clown who belonged to the troupe of rope-dancers at Eisleben. A -great love of independence had driven him to this strange -retreat. He had been originally destined for the Church, but he -soon gave that up, in order to devote himself entirely to -philological studies. But as he had the greatest dislike of -acting as a professor and teacher in a regular post, he soon -tried to make a meagre livelihood by literary work. He had -certain social gifts, and especially a fine tenor voice, and -appears in his youth to have been welcome as a man of letters -among a fairly wide circle of friends at Leipzig. - -On a trip to Jena, during which he and a companion seem to have -found their way into various musical and oratorical associations, -he paid a visit to Schiller. With this object in view, he had -come armed with a request from the management of the Leipzig -Theatre, who wanted to secure the rights of Wallenstein, which -was just finished. He told me later of the magic impression made -upon him by Schiller, with his tall slight figure and -irresistibly attractive blue eyes. His only complaint was that, -owing to a well-meant trick played on him by his friend, he had -been placed in a most trying position; for the latter had managed -to send Schiller a small volume of Adolph Wagner's poems in -advance. - -The young poet was much embarrassed to hear Schiller address him -in flattering terms on the subject of his poetry, but was -convinced that the great man was merely encouraging him out of -kindness. Afterwards he devoted himself entirely to philological -studios--one of his best-known publications in that department -being his Parnasso Italiano, which he dedicated to Goethe in an -Italian poem. True, I have heard experts say that the latter was -written in unusually pompous Italian; but Goethe sent him a -letter full of praise, as well as a silver cup from his own -household plate. The impression that I, as a boy of eight, -conceived of Adolph Wagner, amid the surroundings of his own -home, was that he was a peculiarly puzzling character. - -I soon had to leave the influence of this environment and was -brought back to my people at Dresden. Meanwhile my family, under -the guidance of my bereaved mother, had been obliged to settle -down as well as they could under the circumstances. My eldest -brother Albert, who originally intended to study medicine, had, -upon the advice of Weber, who had much admired his beautiful -tenor voice, started his theatrical career in Breslau. My second -sister Louisa soon followed his example, and became an actress. -My eldest sister Rosalie had obtained an excellent engagement at -the Dresden Court Theatre, and the younger members of the family -all looked up to her; for she was now the main support of our -poor sorrowing mother. My family still occupied the same -comfortable home which my father had made for them. Some of the -spare rooms were occasionally let to strangers, and Spohr was -among those who at one time lodged with us. Thanks to her great -energy, and to help received from various sources (among which -the continued generosity of the Court, out of respect to the -memory of my late stepfather, must not be forgotten), my mother -managed so well in making both ends meet, that even my education -did not suffer. - -After it had been decided that my sister Clara, owing to her -exceedingly beautiful voice, should also go on the stage, my -mother took the greatest care to prevent me from developing any -taste whatever for the theatre. She never ceased to reproach -herself for having consented to the theatrical career of my -eldest brother, and as my second brother showed no greater -talents than those which were useful to him as a goldsmith, it -was now her chief desire to see some progress made towards the -fulfilment of the hopes and wishes of my step-father, 'who hoped -to make something of me.' On the completion of my eighth year I -was sent to the Kreuz Grammar School in Dresden, where it was -hoped I would study! There I was placed at the bottom of the -lowest class, and started my education under the most unassuming -auspices. - -My mother noted with much interest the slightest signs I might -show of a growing love and ability for my work. She herself, -though not highly educated, always created a lasting impression -on all who really learnt to know her, and displayed a peculiar -combination of practical domestic efficiency and keen -intellectual animation. She never gave one of her children any -definite information concerning her antecedents. She came from -Weissenfels, and admitted that her parents had been bakers -[FOOTNOTE: According to more recent information--mill owners] -there. Even in regard to her maiden name she always spoke with -some embarrassment, and intimated that it was 'Perthes,' though, -as we afterwards ascertained, it was in reality 'Bertz.' Strange -to say, she had been placed in a high-class boarding-school in -Leipzig, where she had enjoyed the advantage of the care and -interest of one of 'her father's influential friends,' to whom -she afterwards referred as being a Weimar prince who had been -very kind to her family in Weissenfels. Her education in that -establishment seems to have been interrupted on account of the -sudden death of this 'friend.' She became acquainted with my -father at a very early age, and married him in the first bloom of -her youth, he also being very young, though he already held an -appointment. Her chief characteristics seem to have been a keen -sense of humour and an amiable temper, so we need not suppose -that it was merely a sense of duty towards the family of a -departed comrade that afterwards induced the admirable Ludwig -Geyer to enter into matrimony with her when she was no longer -youthful, but rather that he was impelled to that step by a -sincere and warm regard for the widow of his friend. A portrait -of her, painted by Geyer during the lifetime of my father, gives -one a very favourable impression of what she must have been. Even -from the time when my recollection of her is quite distinct, she -always had to wear a cap owing to some slight affection of the -head, so that I have no recollection of her as a young and pretty -mother. Her trying position at the head of a numerous family (of -which I was the seventh surviving member), the difficulty of -obtaining the wherewithal to rear them, and of keeping up -appearances on very limited resources, did not conduce to evolve -that tender sweetness and solicitude which are usually associated -with motherhood. I hardly ever recollect her having fondled me. -Indeed, demonstrations of affection were not common in our -family, although a certain impetuous, almost passionate and -boisterous manner always characterised our dealings. This being -so, it naturally seemed to me quite a great event when one night -I, fretful with sleepiness, looked up at her with tearful eyes as -she was taking me to bed, and saw her gaze back at me proudly and -fondly, and speak of me to a visitor then present with a certain -amount of tenderness. - -What struck me more particularly about her was the strange -enthusiasm and almost pathetic manner with which she spoke of the -great and of the beautiful in Art. Under this heading, however, -she would never have let me suppose that she included dramatic -art, but only Poetry, Music, and Painting. Consequently, she -often even threatened me with her curse should I ever express a -desire to go on the stage. Moreover, she was very religiously -inclined. With intense fervour she would often give us long -sermons about God and the divine quality in man, during which, -now and again, suddenly lowering her voice in a rather funny way, -she would interrupt herself in order to rebuke one of us. After -the death of our stepfather she used to assemble us all round her -bed every morning, when one of us would read out a hymn or a part -of the Church service from the prayer-book before she took her -coffee. Sometimes the choice of the part to be read was hardly -appropriate, as, for instance, when my sister Clara on one -occasion thoughtlessly read the 'Prayer to be said in time of -War,' and delivered it with so much expression that my mother -interrupted her, saying: 'Oh, stop! Good gracious me! Things are -not quite so bad as that. There's no war on at present!' - -In spite of our limited means we had lively and--as they appeared -to my boyish imagination--even brilliant evening parties -sometimes. After the death of my stepfather, who, thanks to his -success as a portrait painter, in the later years of his life had -raised his income to what for those days was a really decent -total, many agreeable acquaintances of very good social position -whom he had made during this flourishing period still remained on -friendly terms with us, and would occasionally join us at our -evening gatherings. Amongst those who came were the members of -the Court Theatre, who at that time gave very charming and highly -entertaining parties of their own, which, on my return to Dresden -later on, I found had been altogether given up. - -Very delightful, too, were the picnics arranged between us and -our friends at some of the beautiful spots around Dresden, for -these excursions were always brightened by a certain artistic -spirit and general good cheer. I remember one such outing we -arranged to Loschwitz, where we made a kind of gypsy camp, in -which Carl Maria von Weber played his part in the character of -cook. At home we also had some music. My sister Rosalie played -the piano, and Clara was beginning to sing. Of the various -theatrical performances we organised in those early days, often -after elaborate preparation, with the view of amusing ourselves -on the birthdays of our elders, I can hardly remember one, save a -parody on the romantic play of Sappho, by Grillparzer, in which I -took part as one of the singers in the crowd that preceded -Phaon's triumphal car. I endeavoured to revive these memories by -means of a fine puppet show, which I found among the effects of -my late stepfather, and for which he himself had painted some -beautiful scenery. It was my intention to surprise my people by -means of a brilliant performance on this little stage. After I -had very clumsily made several puppets, and had provided them -with a scanty wardrobe made from cuttings of material purloined -from my sisters, I started to compose a chivalric drama, in which -I proposed to rehearse my puppets. When I had drafted the first -scene, my sisters happened to discover the MS. and literally -laughed it to scorn, and, to my great annoyance, for a long time -afterwards they chaffed me by repeating one particular sentence -which I had put into the mouth of the heroine, and which was--Ich -hore schon den Ritter trapsen ('I hear his knightly footsteps -falling'). I now returned with renewed ardour to the theatre, -with which, even at this time, my family was in close touch. Den -Freischutz in particular appealed very strongly to my -imagination, mainly on account of its ghostly theme. The emotions -of terror and the dread of ghosts formed quite an important -factor in the development of my mind. From my earliest childhood -certain mysterious and uncanny things exercised an enormous -influence over me. If I were left alone in a room for long, I -remember that, when gazing at lifeless objects such as pieces of -furniture, and concentrating my attention upon them, I would -suddenly shriek out with fright, because they seemed to me alive. -Even during the latest years of my boyhood, not a night passed -without my waking out of some ghostly dream and uttering the most -frightful shrieks, which subsided only at the sound of some human -voice. The most severe rebuke or even chastisement seemed to me -at those times no more than a blessed release. None of my -brothers or sisters would sleep anywhere near me. They put me to -sleep as far as possible away from the others, without thinking -that my cries for help would only be louder and longer; but in -the end they got used even to this nightly disturbance. - -In connection with this childish terror, what attracted me so -strongly to the theatre--by which I mean also the stage, the -rooms behind the scenes, and the dressing-rooms--was not so much -the desire for entertainment and amusement such as that which -impels the present-day theatre-goers, but the fascinating -pleasure of finding myself in an entirely different atmosphere, -in a world that was purely fantastic and often gruesomely -attractive. Thus to me a scene, even a wing, representing a bush, -or some costume or characteristic part of it, seemed to come from -another world, to be in some way as attractive as an apparition, -and I felt that contact with it might serve as a lever to lift me -from the dull reality of daily routine to that delightful region -of spirits. Everything connected with a theatrical performance -had for me the charm of mystery, it both bewitched and fascinated -me, and while I was trying, with the help of a few playmates, to -imitate the performance of Der Freischutz, and to devote myself -energetically to reproducing the needful costumes and masks in my -grotesque style of painting, the more elegant contents of my -sisters' wardrobes, in the beautifying of which I had often seen -the family occupied, exercised a subtle charm over my -imagination; nay, my heart would beat madly at the very touch of -one of their dresses. - -In spite of the fact that, as I already mentioned, our family was -not given to outward manifestations of affection, yet the fact -that I was brought up entirely among feminine surroundings must -necessarily have influenced the development of the sensitive side -of my nature. Perhaps it was precisely because my immediate -circle was generally rough and impetuous, that the opposite -characteristics of womanhood, especially such as were connected -with the imaginary world of the theatre, created a feeling of -such tender longing in me. - -Luckily these fantastic humours, merging from the gruesome into -the mawkish, were counteracted and balanced by more serious -influences undergone at school at the hands of my teachers and -schoolfellows. Even there, it was chiefly the weird that aroused -my keenest interest. I can hardly judge whether I had what would -be called a good head for study. I think that, in general, what I -really liked I was soon able to grasp without much effort, -whereas I hardly exerted myself at all in the study of subjects -that were uncongenial. This characteristic was most marked in -regard to arithmetic and, later on, mathematics. In neither of -these subjects did I ever succeed in bringing my mind seriously -to bear upon the tasks that were set me. In the matter of the -Classics, too, I paid only just as much attention as was -absolutely necessary to enable me to get a grasp of them; for I -was stimulated by the desire to reproduce them to myself -dramatically. In this way Greek particularly attracted me, -because the stories from Greek mythology so seized upon my fancy -that I tried to imagine their heroes as speaking to me in their -native tongue, so as to satisfy my longing for complete -familiarity with them. In these circumstances it will be readily -understood that the grammar of the language seemed to me merely a -tiresome obstacle, and by no means in itself an interesting -branch of knowledge. - -The fact that my study of languages was never very thorough, -perhaps best explains the fact that I was afterwards so ready to -cease troubling about them altogether. Not until much later did -this study really begin to interest me again, and that was only -when I learnt to understand its physiological and philosophical -side, as it was revealed to our modern Germanists by the pioneer -work of Jakob Grimm. Then, when it was too late to apply myself -thoroughly to a study which at last I had learned to appreciate, -I regretted that this newer conception of the study of languages -had not yet found acceptance in our colleges when I was younger. - -Nevertheless, by my successes in philological work I managed to -attract the attention of a young teacher at the Kreuz Grammar -School, a Master of Arts named Sillig, who proved very helpful to -me. He often permitted me to visit him and show him my work, -consisting of metric translations and a few original poems, and -he always seemed very pleased with my efforts in recitation. What -he thought of me may best be judged perhaps from the fact that he -made me, as a boy of about twelve, recite not only 'Hector's -Farewell' from the Iliad, but even Hamlet's celebrated monologue. -On one occasion, when I was in the fourth form of the school, one -of my schoolfellows, a boy named Starke, suddenly fell dead, and -the tragic event aroused so much sympathy, that not only did the -whole school attend the funeral, but the headmaster also ordered -that a poem should be written in commemoration of the ceremony, -and that this poem should be published. Of the various poems -submitted, among which there was one by myself, prepared very -hurriedly, none seemed to the master worthy of the honour which -he had promised, and he therefore announced his intention of -substituting one of his own speeches in the place of our rejected -attempts. Much distressed by this decision, I quickly sought out -Professor Sillig, with the view of urging him to intervene on -behalf of my poem. We thereupon went through it together. Its -well-constructed and well-rhymed verses, written in stanzas of -eight lines, determined him to revise the whole of it carefully. -Much of its imagery was bombastic, and far beyond the conception -of a boy of my age. I recollect that in one part I had drawn -extensively from the monologue in Addison's Cato, spoken by Cato -just before his suicide. I had met with this passage in an -English grammar, and it had made a deep impression upon me. The -words: 'The stars shall fade away, the sun himself grow dim with -age, and nature sink in years,' which, at all events, were a -direct plagiarism, made Sillig laugh--a thing at which I was a -little offended. However, I felt very grateful to him, for, -thanks to the care and rapidity with which he cleared my poem of -these extravagances, it was eventually accepted by the -headmaster, printed, and widely circulated. - -The effect of this success was extraordinary, both on my -schoolfellows and on my own family. My mother devoutly folded her -hands in thankfulness, and in my own mind my vocation seemed -quite a settled thing. It was clear, beyond the possibility of a -doubt, that I was destined to be a poet. Professor Sillig wished -me to compose a grand epic, and suggested as a subject 'The -Battle of Parnassus,' as described by Pausanias. His reasons for -this choice were based upon the legend related by Pausanias, -viz., that in the second century B.C. the Muses from Parnassus -aided the combined Greek armies against the destructive invasion -of the Gauls by provoking a panic among the latter. I actually -began my heroic poem in hexameter verse, but could not get -through the first canto. - -Not being far enough advanced in the language to understand the -Greek tragedies thoroughly in the original, my own attempts to -construct a tragedy in the Greek form were greatly influenced by -the fact that quite by accident I came across August Apel's -clever imitation of this style in his striking poems 'Polyidos' -and 'Aitolier.' For my theme I selected the death of Ulysses, -from a fable of Hyginus, according to which the aged hero is -killed by his son, the offspring of his union with Calypso. But I -did not get very far with this work either, before I gave it up. - -My mind became so bent upon this sort of thing, that duller -studies naturally ceased to interest me. The mythology, legends, -and, at last, the history of Greece alone attracted me. - -I was fond of life, merry with my companions, and always ready -for a joke or an adventure. Moreover, I was constantly forming -friendships, almost passionate in their ardour, with one or the -other of my comrades, and in choosing my associates I was mainly -influenced by the extent to which my new acquaintance appealed to -my eccentric imagination. At one time it would be poetising and -versifying that decided my choice of a friend; at another, -theatrical enterprises, while now and then it would be a longing -for rambling and mischief. - -Furthermore, when I reached my thirteenth year, a great change -came over our family affairs. My sister Rosalie, who had become -the chief support of our household, obtained an advantageous -engagement at the theatre in Prague, whither mother and children -removed in 1820, thus giving up the Dresden home altogether. I -was left behind in Dresden, so that I might continue to attend -the Kreuz Grammar School until I was ready to go up to the -university. I was therefore sent to board and lodge with a family -named Bohme, whose sons I had known at school, and in whose house -I already felt quite at home. With my residence in this somewhat -rough, poor, and not particularly well-conducted family, my years -of dissipation began. I no longer enjoyed the quiet retirement -necessary for work, nor the gentle, spiritual influence of my -sisters' companionship. On the contrary, I was plunged into a -busy, restless life, full of rough horseplay and of quarrels. -Nevertheless, it was there that I began to experience the -influence of the gentler sex in a manner hitherto unknown to me, -as the grown-up daughters of the family and their friends often -filled the scanty and narrow rooms of the house. Indeed, my first -recollections of boyish love date from this period. I remember a -very beautiful young girl, whose name, if I am not mistaken, was -Amalie Hoffmann, coming to call at the house one Sunday. She was -charmingly dressed, and her appearance as she came into the room -literally struck me dumb with amazement. On other occasions I -recollect pretending to be too helplessly sleepy to move, so that -I might be carried up to bed by the girls, that being, as they -thought, the only remedy for my condition. And I repeated this, -because I found, to my surprise, that their attention under these -circumstances brought me into closer and more gratifying -proximity with them. - -The most important event during this year of separation from my -family was, however, a short visit I paid to them in Prague. In -the middle of the winter my mother came to Dresden, and took me -hack with her to Prague for a week. Her way of travelling was -quite unique. To the end of her days she preferred the more -dangerous mode of travelling in a hackney carriage to the quicker -journey by mail-coach, so that we spent three whole days in the -bitter cold on the road from Dresden to Prague. The journey over -the Bohemian mountains often seemed to be beset with the greatest -dangers, but happily we survived our thrilling adventures and at -last arrived in Prague, where I was suddenly plunged into -entirely new surroundings. - -For a long time the thought of leaving Saxony on another visit to -Bohemia, and especially Prague, had had quite a romantic -attraction for me. The foreign nationality, the broken German of -the people, the peculiar headgear of the women, the native wines, -the harp-girls and musicians, and finally, the ever present signs -of Catholicism, its numerous chapels and shrines, all produced on -me a strangely exhilarating impression. This was probably due to -my craze for everything theatrical and spectacular, as -distinguished from simple bourgeois customs. Above all, the -antique splendour and beauty of the incomparable city of Prague -became indelibly stamped on my fancy. Even in my own family -surroundings I found attractions to which I had hitherto been a -stranger. For instance, my sister Ottilie, only two years older -than myself, had won the devoted friendship of a noble family, -that of Count Pachta, two of whose daughters, Jenny and Auguste, -who had long been famed as the leading beauties of Prague, had -become fondly attached to her. To me, such people and such a -connection were something quite novel and enchanting. Besides -these, certain beaux esprits of Prague, among them W. Marsano, a -strikingly handsome and charming man, were frequent visitors at -our house. They often earnestly discussed the tales of Hoffmann, -which at that date were comparatively new, and had created some -sensation. It was now that I made my first though rather -superficial acquaintance with this romantic visionary, and so -received a stimulus which influenced me for many years even to -the point of infatuation, and gave me very peculiar ideas of the -world. - -In the following spring, 1827, I repeated this journey from -Dresden to Prague, but this time on foot, and accompanied by my -friend Rudolf Bohme. Our tour was full of adventure. We got to -within an hour of Teplitz the first night, and next day we had to -get a lift in a wagon, as we had walked our feet sore; yet this -only took us as far as Lowositz, as our funds had quite run out. -Under a scorching sun, hungry and half-fainting, we wandered -along bypaths through absolutely unknown country, until at -sundown we happened to reach the main road just as an elegant -travelling coach came in sight. I humbled my pride so far as to -pretend I was a travelling journeyman, and begged the -distinguished travellers for alms, while my friend timidly hid -himself in the ditch by the roadside. Luckily we decided to seek -shelter for the night in an inn, where we took counsel whether we -should spend the alms just received on a supper or a bed. We -decided for the supper, proposing to spend the night under the -open sky. While we were refreshing ourselves, a strange-looking -wayfarer entered. He wore a black velvet skull-cap, to which a -metal lyre was attached like a cockade, and on his back he bore a -harp. Very cheerfully he set down his instrument, made himself -comfortable, and called for a good meal. He intended to stay the -night, and to continue his way next day to Prague, where he -lived, and whither he was returning from Hanover. - -My good spirits and courage were stimulated by the jovial manners -of this merry fellow, who constantly repeated his favourite -motto, 'non plus ultra.' We soon struck up an acquaintance, and -in return for my confidence, the strolling player's attitude to -me was one of almost touching sympathy. It was agreed that we -should continue our journey together next day on foot. He lent me -two twenty-kreutzer pieces (about ninepence), and allowed me to -write my Prague address in his pocket-book. I was highly -delighted at this personal success. My harpist grew extravagantly -merry; a good deal of Czernosek wine was drunk; he sang and -played on his harp like a madman, continually reiterating his -'non plus ultra' till at last, overcome with wine, he fell down -on the straw, which had been spread out on the floor for our -common bed. When the sun once more peeped in, we could not rouse -him, and we had to make up our minds to set off in the freshness -of the early morning without him, feeling convinced that the -sturdy fellow would overtake us during the day. But it was in -vain that we looked out for him on the road and during our -subsequent stay in Prague. Indeed, it was not until several weeks -later that the extraordinary fellow turned up at my mother's, not -so much to collect payment of his loan, as to inquire about the -welfare of the young friend to whom that loan had been made. - -The remainder of our journey was very fatiguing, and the joy I -felt when I at last beheld Prague from the summit of a hill, at -about an hour's distance, simply beggars description. Approaching -the suburbs, we were for the second time met by a splendid -carriage, from which my sister Ottilie's two lovely friends -called out to me in astonishment. They had recognised me -immediately, in spite of my terribly sunburnt face, blue linen -blouse, and bright red cotton cap. Overwhelmed with shame, and -with my heart beating like mad, I could hardly utter a word, and -hurried away to my mother's to attend at once to the restoration -of my sunburnt complexion. To this task I devoted two whole days, -during which I swathed my face in parsley poultices; and not till -then did I seek the pleasures of society. When, on the return -journey, I looked back once more on Prague from the same hilltop, -I burst into tears, flung myself on the earth, and for a long -time could not be induced by my astonished companion to pursue -the journey. I was downcast for the rest of the way, and we -arrived home in Dresden without any further adventures. - -During the same year I again gratified my fancy for long -excursions on foot by joining a numerous company of grammar -school boys, consisting of pupils of several classes and of -various ages, who had decided to spend their summer holidays in a -tour to Leipzig. This journey also stands out among the memories -of my youth, by reason of the strong impressions it left behind. -The characteristic feature of our party was that we all aped the -student, by behaving and dressing extravagantly in the most -approved student fashion. After going as far as Meissen on the -market-boat, our path lay off the main road, through villages -with which I was as yet unfamiliar. We spent the night in the -vast barn of a village inn, and our adventures were of the -wildest description. There we saw a large marionette show, with -almost life-sized figures. Our entire party settled themselves in -the auditorium, where their presence was a source of some anxiety -to the managers, who had only reckoned on an audience of -peasants. Genovefa was the play given. The ceaseless silly jests, -and constant interpolations and jeering interruptions, in which -our corps of embryo-students indulged, finally aroused the anger -even of the peasants, who had come prepared to weep. I believe I -was the only one of our party who was pained by these -impertinences, and in spite of involuntary laughter at some of my -comrades' jokes, I not only defended the play itself, but also -its original, simple-minded audience. A popular catch-phrase -which occurred in the piece has ever since remained stamped on my -memory. 'Golo' instructs the inevitable Kaspar that, when the -Count Palatine returns home, he must 'tickle him behind, so that -he should feel it in front' (hinten zu kitzeln, dass er es vorne -fuhle). Kaspar conveys Golo's order verbatim to the Count, and -the latter reproaches the unmasked rogue in the following terms, -uttered with the greatest pathos: 'O Golo, Golo! thou hast told -Kaspar to tickle me behind, so that I shall feel it in front!' - -From Grimma our party rode into Leipzig in open carriages, but -not until we had first carefully removed all the outward emblems -of the undergraduate, lest the local students we were likely to -meet might make us rue our presumption. - -Since my first visit, when I was eight years old, I had only once -returned to Leipzig, and then for a very brief stay, and under -circumstances very similar to those of the earlier visit. I now -renewed my fantastic impressions of the Thome house, but this -time, owing to my more advanced education, I looked forward to -more intelligent intercourse with my uncle Adolph. An opening for -this was soon provided by my joyous astonishment on learning that -a bookcase in the large anteroom, containing a goodly collection -of books, was my property, having been left me by my father. I -went through the books with my uncle, selected at once a number -of Latin authors in the handsome Zweibruck edition, along with -sundry attractive looking works of poetry and belles-lettres, and -arranged for them to be sent to Dresden. During this visit I was -very much interested in the life of the students. In addition to -my impressions of the theatre and of Prague, now came those of -the so-called swaggering undergraduate. A great change had taken -place in this class. When, as a lad of eight, I had my first -glimpse of students, their long hair, their old German costume -with the black velvet skull-cap and the shirt collar turned back -from the bare neck, had quite taken my fancy. But since that time -the old student 'associations' which affected this fashion had -disappeared in the face of police prosecutions. On the other -hand, the national student clubs, no less peculiar to Germans, -had become conspicuous. These clubs adopted, more or less, the -fashion of the day, but with some little exaggeration. Albeit, -their dress was clearly distinguishable from that of other -classes, owing to its picturesqueness, and especially its display -of the various club-colours. The 'Comment,' that compendium of -pedantic rules of conduct for the preservation of a defiant and -exclusive esprit de corps, as opposed to the bourgeois classes, -had its fantastic side, just as the most philistine peculiarities -of the Germans have, if you probe them deeply enough. To me it -represented the idea of emancipation from the yoke of school and -family. The longing to become a student coincided unfortunately -with my growing dislike for drier studies and with my ever- -increasing fondness for cultivating romantic poetry. The results -of this soon showed themselves in my resolute attempts to make a -change. - -At the time of my confirmation, at Easter, 1827, I had -considerable doubt about this ceremony, and I already felt a -serious falling off of my reverence for religious observances. -The boy who, not many years before, had gazed with agonised -sympathy on the altarpiece in the Kreuz Kirche (Church of the -Holy Cross), and had yearned with ecstatic fervour to hang upon -the Cross in place of the Saviour, had now so far lost his -veneration for the clergyman, whose preparatory confirmation -classes he attended, as to be quite ready to make fun of him, and -even to join with his comrades in withholding part of his class -fees, and spending the money in sweets. How matters stood with me -spiritually was revealed to me, almost to my horror, at the -Communion service, when I walked in procession with my fellow- -communicants to the altar to the sound of organ and choir. The -shudder with which I received the Bread and Wine was so -ineffaceably stamped on my memory, that I never again partook of -the Communion, lest I should do so with levity. To avoid this was -all the easier for me, seeing that among Protestants such -participation is not compulsory. - -I soon, however, seized, or rather created, an opportunity of -forcing a breach with the Kreuz Grammar School, and thus -compelled my family to let me go to Leipzig. In self-defence -against what I considered an unjust punishment with which I was -threatened by the assistant headmaster, Baumgarten-Crusius, for -whom I otherwise had great respect, I asked to be discharged -immediately from the school on the ground of sudden summons to -join my family in Leipzig. I had already left the Bohme household -three months before, and now lived alone in a small garret, where -I was waited on by the widow of a court plate-washer, who at -every meal served up the familiar thin Saxon coffee as almost my -sole nourishment. In this attic I did little else but write -verses. Here, too, I formed the first outlines of that stupendous -tragedy which afterwards filled my family with such -consternation. The irregular habits I acquired through this -premature domestic independence induced my anxious mother to -consent very readily to my removal to Leipzig, the more so as a -part of our scattered family had already migrated there. - -My longing for Leipzig, originally aroused by the fantastic -impressions I had gained there, and later by my enthusiasm for a -student's life, had recently been still further stimulated. I had -seen scarcely anything of my sister Louisa, at that time a girl -of about twenty-two, as she had gone to the theatre of Breslau -shortly after our stepfather's death. Quite recently she had been -in Dresden for a few days on her way to Leipzig, having accepted -an engagement at the theatre there. This meeting with my almost -unknown sister, her hearty manifestations of joy at seeing me -again, as well as her sprightly, merry disposition, quite won my -heart. To live with her seemed an alluring prospect, especially -as my mother and Ottilie had joined her for a while. For the -first time a sister had treated me with some tenderness. When at -last I reached Leipzig at Christmas in the same year (1827), and -there found my mother with Ottilie and Cecilia (my half-sister), -I fancied myself in heaven. Great changes, however, had already -taken place. Louisa was betrothed to a respected and well-to-do -bookseller, Friedrich Brockhaus. This gathering together of the -relatives of the penniless bride-elect did not seem to trouble -her remarkably kind-hearted fiance. But my sister may have become -uneasy on the subject, for she soon gave me to understand that -she was not taking it quite in good part. Her desire to secure an -entree into the higher social circles of bourgeois life naturally -produced a marked change in her manner, at one time so full of -fun, and of this I gradually became so keenly sensible that -finally we were estranged for a time. Moreover, I unfortunately -gave her good cause to reprove my conduct. After I got to Leipzig -I quite gave up my studies and all regular school work, probably -owing to the arbitrary and pedantic system in vogue at the school -there. - -In Leipzig there were two higher-class schools, one called St. -Thomas's School, and the other, and the more modern, St. -Nicholas's School. The latter at that time enjoyed a better -reputation than the former; so there I had to go. But the council -of teachers before whom I appeared for my entrance examination at -the New Year (1828) thought fit to maintain the dignity of their -school by placing me for a time in the upper third form, whereas -at the Kreuz Grammar School in Dresden I had been in the second -form. My disgust at having to lay aside my Homer--from which I -had already made written translations of twelve songs--and take -up the lighter Greek prose writers was indescribable. It hurt my -feelings so deeply, and so influenced my behaviour, that I never -made a friend of any teacher in the school. The unsympathetic -treatment I met with made me all the more obstinate, and various -other circumstances in my position only added to this feeling. -While student life, as I saw it day by day, inspired me ever more -and more with its rebellious spirit, I unexpectedly met with -another cause for despising the dry monotony of school regime. I -refer to the influence of my uncle, Adolph Wagner, which, though -he was long unconscious of it, went a long way towards moulding -the growing stripling that I then was. - -The fact that my romantic tastes were not based solely on a -tendency to superficial amusement was shown by my ardent -attachment to this learned relative. In his manner and -conversation he was certainly very attractive; the many-sidedness -of his knowledge, which embraced not only philology but also -philosophy and general poetic literature, rendered intercourse -with him a most entertaining pastime, as all those who knew him -used to admit. On the other hand, the fact that he was denied the -gift of writing with equal charm, or clearness, was a singular -defect which seriously lessened his influence upon the literary -world, and, in fact, often made him appear ridiculous, as in a -written argument he would perpetrate the most pompous and -involved sentences. This weakness could not have alarmed me, -because in the hazy period of my youth the more incomprehensible -any literary extravagance was, the more I admired it; besides -which, I had more experience of his conversation than of his -writings. He also seemed to find pleasure in associating with the -lad who could listen with so much heart and soul. Yet -unfortunately, possibly in the fervour of his discourses, of -which he was not a little proud, he forgot that their substance, -as well as their form, was far above my youthful powers of -comprehension. I called daily to accompany him on his -constitutional walk beyond the city gates, and I shrewdly suspect -that we often provoked the smiles of those passers-by who -overheard the profound and often earnest discussions between us. -The subjects generally ranged over everything serious or sublime -throughout the whole realm of knowledge. I took the most -enthusiastic interest in his copious library, and tasted eagerly -of almost all branches of literature, without really grounding -myself in any one of them. - -My uncle was delighted to find in me a very willing listener to -his recital of classic tragedies. He had made a translation of -Oedipus, and, according to his intimate friend Tieck, justly -flattered himself on being an excellent reader. - -I remember once, when he was sitting at his desk reading out a -Greek tragedy to me, it did not annoy him when I fell fast -asleep, and he afterwards pretended he had not noticed it. I was -also induced to spend my evenings with him, owing to the friendly -and genial hospitality his wife showed me. A very great change -had come over my uncle's life since my first acquaintance with -him at Jeannette Thome's. The home which he, together with his -sister Friederike, had found in his friend's house seemed, as -time went on, to have brought in its train duties that were -irksome. As his literary work assured him a modest income, he -eventually deemed it more in accordance with his dignity to make -a home of his own. A friend of his, of the same age as himself, -the sister of the aesthete Wendt of Leipzig, who afterwards -became famous, was chosen by him to keep house for him. Without -saying a word to Jeannette, instead of going for his usual -afternoon walk he went to the church with his chosen bride, and -got through the marriage ceremonies as quickly as possible; and -it was only on his return that he informed us he was leaving, and -would have his things removed that very day. He managed to meet -the consternation, perhaps also the reproaches, of his elderly -friend with quiet composure; and to the end of his life he -continued his regular daily visits to 'Mam'selle Thome,' who at -times would coyly pretend to sulk. It was only poor Friederike -who seemed obliged at times to atone for her brother's sudden -unfaithfulness. - -What attracted me in my uncle most strongly was his blunt -contempt of the modern pedantry in State, Church, and School, to -which he gave vent with some humour. Despite the great moderation -of his usual views on life, he yet produced on me the effect of a -thorough free-thinker. I was highly delighted by his contempt for -the pedantry of the schools. Once, when I had come into serious -conflict with all the teachers of the Nicolai School, and the -rector of the school had approached my uncle, as the only male -representative of my family, with a serious complaint about my -behaviour, my uncle asked me during a stroll round the town, with -a calm smile as though he were speaking to one of his own age, -what I had been up to with the people at school. I explained the -whole affair to him, and described the punishment to which I had -been subjected, and which seemed to me unjust. He pacified me, -and exhorted me to be patient, telling me to comfort myself with -the Spanish proverb, un rey no puede morir, which he explained as -meaning that the ruler of a school must of necessity always be in -the right. - -He could not, of course, help noticing, to his alarm, the effect -upon me of this kind of conversation, which I was far too young -to appreciate. Although it annoyed me one day, when I wanted to -begin reading Goethe's Faust, to hear him say quietly that I was -too young to understand it, yet, according to my thinking, his -other conversations about our own great poets, and even about -Shakespeare and Dante, had made me so familiar with these sublime -figures that I had now for some time been secretly busy working -out the great tragedy I had already conceived in Dresden. Since -my trouble at school I had devoted all my energies, which ought -by rights to have been exclusively directed to my school duties, -to the accomplishment of this task. In this secret work I had -only one confidante, my sister Ottilie, who now lived with me at -my mother's. I can remember the misgivings and alarm which the -first confidential communication of my great poetic enterprise -aroused in my good sister; yet she affectionately suffered the -tortures I sometimes inflicted on her by reciting to her in -secret, but not without emotion, portions of my work as it -progressed. Once, when I was reciting to her one of the most -gruesome scenes, a heavy thunderstorm came on. When the lightning -flashed quite close to us, and the thunder rolled, my sister felt -bound to implore me to stop; but she soon found it was hopeless, -and continued to endure it with touching devotion. - -But a more significant storm was brewing on the horizon of my -life. My neglect of school reached such a point that it could not -but lead to a rupture. Whilst my dear mother had no presentiment -of this, I awaited the catastrophe with longing rather than with -fear. - -In order to meet this crisis with dignity I at length decided to -surprise my family by disclosing to them the secret of my -tragedy, which was now completed. They were to be informed of -this great event by my uncle. I thought I could rely upon his -hearty recognition of my vocation as a great poet on account of -the deep harmony between us on all other questions of life, -science, and art. I therefore sent him my voluminous manuscript, -with a long letter which I thought would please him immensely. In -this I communicated to him first my ideas with regard to the St. -Nicholas's School, and then my firm determination from that time -forward not to allow any mere school pedantry to check my free -development. But the event turned out very different from what I -had expected. It was a great shock to them. My uncle, quite -conscious that he had been indiscreet, paid a visit to my mother -and brother-in-law, in order to report the misfortune that had -befallen the family, reproaching himself for the fact that his -influence over me had not always, perhaps, been for my good. To -me he wrote a serious letter of discouragement; and to this day I -cannot understand why he showed so small a sense of humour in -understanding my bad behaviour. To my surprise he merely said -that he reproached himself for having corrupted me by -conversations unsuited to my years, but he made no attempt to -explain to me good-naturedly the error of my ways. - -The crime this boy of fifteen had committed was, as I said -before, to have written a great tragedy, entitled Leubald und -Adelaide. - -The manuscript of this drama has unfortunately been lost, but I -can still see it clearly in my mind's eye. The handwriting was -most affected, and the backward-sloping tall letters with which I -had aimed at giving it an air of distinction had already been -compared by one of my teachers to Persian hieroglyphics. In this -composition I had constructed a drama in which I had drawn -largely upon Shakespeare's Hamlet, King Lear, and Macbeth, and -Goethe's Gotz van Berlichingen. The plot was really based on a -modification of Hamlet, the difference consisting in the fact -that my hero is so completely carried away by the appearance of -the ghost of his father, who has been murdered under similar -circumstances, and demands vengeance, that he is driven to -fearful deeds of violence; and, with a series of murders on his -conscience, he eventually goes mad. Leubald, whose character is a -mixture of Hamlet and Harry Hotspur, had promised his father's -ghost to wipe from the face of the earth the whole race of -Roderick, as the ruthless murderer of the best of fathers was -named. After having slain Roderick himself in mortal combat, and -subsequently all his sons and other relations who supported him, -there was only one obstacle that prevented Leubald from -fulfilling the dearest wish of his heart, which was to be united -in death with the shade of his father: a child of Roderick's was -still alive. During the storming of his castle the murderer's -daughter had been carried away into safety by a faithful suitor, -whom she, however, detested. I had an irresistible impulse to -call this maiden 'Adelaide.' As even at that early age I was a -great enthusiast for everything really German, I can only account -for the obviously un-German name of my heroine by my infatuation -for Beethoven's Adelaide, whose tender refrain seemed to me the -symbol of all loving appeals. The course of my drama was now -characterised by the strange delays which took place in the -accomplishment of this last murder of vengeance, the chief -obstacle to which lay in the sudden passionate love which arose -between Leubald and Adelaide. I succeeded in representing the -birth and avowal of this love by means of extraordinary -adventures. Adelaide was once more stolen away by a robber-knight -from the lover who had been sheltering her. After Leubald had -thereupon sacrificed the lover and all his relations, he hastened -to the robber's castle, driven thither less by a thirst for blood -than by a longing for death. For this reason he regrets his -inability to storm the robber's castle forthwith, because it is -well defended, and, moreover, night is fast falling; he is -therefore obliged to pitch his tent. After raving for a while he -sinks down for the first time exhausted, but being urged, like -his prototype Hamlet, by the spirit of his father to complete his -vow of vengeance, he himself suddenly falls into the power of the -enemy during a night assault. In the subterranean dungeons of the -castle he meets Roderick's daughter for the first time. She is a -prisoner like himself, and is craftily devising flight. Under -circumstances in which she produces on him the impression of a -heavenly vision, she makes her appearance before him. They fall -in love, and fly together into the wilderness, where they realise -that they are deadly enemies. The incipient insanity which was -already noticeable in Leubald breaks out more violently after -this discovery, and everything that can be done to intensify it -is contributed by the ghost of his father, which continually -comes between the advances of the lovers. But this ghost is not -the only disturber of the conciliating love of Leubald and -Adelaide. The ghost of Roderick also appears, and according to -the method followed by Shakespeare in Richard III., he is joined -by the ghosts of all the other members of Adelaide's family whom -Leubald has slain. From the incessant importunities of these -ghosts Leubald seeks to free himself by means of sorcery, and -calls to his aid a rascal named Flamming. One of Macbeth's -witches is summoned to lay the ghosts; as she is unable to do -this efficiently, the furious Leubald sends her also to the -devil; but with her dying breath she despatches the whole crowd -of spirits who serve her to join the ghosts of those already -pursuing him. Leubald, tormented beyond endurance, and now at -last raving mad, turns against his beloved, who is the apparent -cause of all his misery. He stabs her in his fury; then finding -himself suddenly at peace, he sinks his head into her lap, and -accepts her last caresses as her life-blood streams over his own -dying body. - -I had not omitted the smallest detail that could give this plot -its proper colouring, and had drawn on all my knowledge of the -tales of the old knights, and my acquaintance with Lear and -Macbeth, to furnish my drama with the most vivid situations. But -one of the chief characteristics of its poetical form I took from -the pathetic, humorous, and powerful language of Shakespeare. The -boldness of my grandiloquent and bombastic expressions roused my -uncle Adolph's alarm and astonishment. He was unable to -understand how I could have selected and used with inconceivable -exaggeration precisely the most extravagant forms of speech to be -found in Lear and Gotz von Berlichingen. Nevertheless, even after -everybody had deafened me with their laments over my lost time -and perverted talents, I was still conscious of a wonderful -secret solace in the face of the calamity that had befallen me. I -knew, a fact that no one else could know, namely, that my work -could only be rightly judged when set to the music which I had -resolved to write for it, and which I intended to start composing -immediately. - -I must now explain my position with respect to music hitherto. -For this purpose I must go back to my earliest attempts in the -art. In my family two of my sisters were musical; the elder one, -Rosalie, played the piano, without, however, displaying any -marked talent. Clara was more gifted; in addition to a great deal -of musical feeling, and a fine rich touch on the piano, she -possessed a particularly sympathetic voice, the development of -which was so premature and remarkable that, under the tuition of -Mieksch, her singing master, who was famous at that time, she was -apparently ready for the role of a prima donna as early as her -sixteenth year, and made her debut at Dresden in Italian opera as -'Cenerentola' in Rossini's opera of that name. Incidentally I -may remark that this premature development proved injurious to -Clara's voice, and was detrimental to her whole career. As I have -said, music was represented in our family by these two sisters. -It was chiefly owing to Clara's career that the musical conductor -C. M. von Weber often came to our house. His visits were varied -by those of the great male-soprano Sassaroli; and in addition to -these two representatives of German and Italian music, we also -had the company of Mieksch, her singing master. It was on these -occasions that I as a child first heard German and Italian music -discussed, and learnt that any one who wished to ingratiate -himself with the Court must show a preference for Italian music, -a fact which led to very practical results in our family council. -Clara's talent, while her voice was still sound, was the object -of competition between the representatives of Italian and German -opera. I can remember quite distinctly that from the very -beginning I declared myself in favour of German opera; my choice -was determined by the tremendous impression made on me by the two -figures of Sassaroli and Weber. The Italian male-soprano, a huge -pot-bellied giant, horrified me with his high effeminate voice, -his astonishing volubility, and his incessant screeching -laughter. In spite of his boundless good-nature and amiability, -particularly to my family, I took an uncanny dislike to him. On -account of this dreadful person, the sound of Italian, either -spoken or sung, seemed to my ears almost diabolical; and when, in -consequence of my poor sister's misfortune, I heard them often -talking about Italian intrigues and cabals, I conceived so strong -a dislike for everything connected with this nation that even in -much later years I used to feel myself carried away by an impulse -of utter detestation and abhorrence. - -The less frequent visits of Weber, on the other hand, seemed to -have produced upon me those first sympathetic impressions which I -have never since lost. In contrast to Sassaroli's repulsive -figure, Weber's really refined, delicate, and intellectual -appearance excited my ecstatic admiration. His narrow face and -finely-cut features, his vivacious though often half-closed eyes, -captivated and thrilled me; whilst even the bad limp with which -he walked, and which I often noticed from our windows when the -master was making his way home past our house from the fatiguing -rehearsals, stamped the great musician in my imagination as an -exceptional and almost superhuman being. When, as a boy of nine, -my mother introduced me to him, and he asked me what I was going -to be, whether I wanted perhaps to be a musician, my mother told -him that, though I was indeed quite mad on Freischutz, yet she -had as yet seen nothing in me which indicated any musical talent. - -This showed correct observation on my mother's part; nothing had -made so great an impression on me as the music of Freischutz, and -I tried in every possible way to procure a repetition of the -impressions I had received from it, but, strange to say, least of -all by the study of music itself. Instead of this, I contented -myself with hearing bits from Freischutz played by my sisters. -Yet my passion for it gradually grew so strong that I can -remember taking a particular fancy for a young man called Spiess, -chiefly because he could play the overture to Freischutz, which I -used to ask him to do whenever I met him. It was chiefly the -introduction to this overture which at last led me to attempt, -without ever having received any instruction on the piano, to -play this piece in my own peculiar way, for, oddly enough, I was -the only child in our family who had not been given music -lessons. This was probably due to my mother's anxiety to keep me -away from any artistic interests of this kind in case they might -arouse in me a longing for the theatre. - -When I was about twelve years old, however, my mother engaged a -tutor for me named Humann, from whom I received regular music -lessons, though only of a very mediocre description. As soon as I -had acquired a very imperfect knowledge of fingering I begged to -be allowed to play overtures in the form of duets, always keeping -Weber as the goal of my ambition. When at length I had got so far -as to be able to play the overture to Freischutz myself, though -in a very faulty manner, I felt the object of my study had been -attained, and I had no inclination to devote any further -attention to perfecting my technique. - -Yet I had attained this much: I was no longer dependent for music -on the playing of others; from this time forth I used to try and -play, albeit very imperfectly, everything I wanted to know. I -also tried Mozart's Don Juan, but was unable to get any pleasure -out of it, mainly because the Italian text in the arrangement for -the piano placed the music in a frivolous light in my eyes, and -much in it seemed to me trivial and unmanly. (I can remember that -when my sister used to sing Zerlinen's ariette, Batti, batti, ben -Masetto, the music repelled me, as it seemed so mawkish and -effeminate.) - -On the other hand, my bent for music grew stronger and stronger, -and I now tried to possess myself of my favourite pieces by -making my own copies. I can remember the hesitation with which my -mother for the first time gave me the money to buy the scored -paper on which I copied out Weber's Lutzow's Jagd, which was the -first piece of music I transcribed. - -Music was still a secondary occupation with me when the news of -Weber's death and the longing to learn his music to Oberon fanned -my enthusiasm into flame again. This received fresh impetus from -the afternoon concerts in the Grosser Garten at Dresden, where I -often heard my favourite music played by Zillmann's Town Band, as -I thought, exceedingly well. The mysterious joy I felt in hearing -an orchestra play quite close to me still remains one of my most -pleasant memories. The mere tuning up of the instruments put me -in a state of mystic excitement; even the striking of fifths on -the violin seemed to me like a greeting from the spirit world-- -which, I may mention incidentally, had a very real meaning for -me. When I was still almost a baby, the sound of these fifths, -which has always excited me, was closely associated in my mind -with ghosts and spirits. I remember that even much later in life -I could never pass the small palace of Prince Anthony, at the end -of the Ostra Allee in Dresden, without a shudder; for it was -there I had first heard the sound of a violin, a very common -experience to me afterwards. It was close by me, and seemed to my -ears to come from the stone figures with which this palace is -adorned, some of which are provided with musical instruments. -When I took up my post as musical conductor at Dresden, and had -to pay my official visit to Morgenroth, the President of the -Concert Committee, an elderly gentleman who lived for many years -opposite that princely palace, it seemed odd to find that the -player of fifths who had so strongly impressed my musical fancy -as a boy was anything but a supernatural spectre. And when I saw -the well-known picture in which a skeleton plays on his violin to -an old man on his deathbed, the ghostly character of those very -notes impressed itself with particular force upon my childish -imagination. When at last, as a young man, I used to listen to -the Zillmann Orchestra in the Grosser Garten almost every -afternoon, one may imagine the rapturous thrill with which I drew -in all the chaotic variety of sound that I heard as the orchestra -tuned up: the long drawn A of the oboe, which seemed like a call -from the dead to rouse the other instruments, never failed to -raise all my nerves to a feverish pitch of tension, and when the -swelling C in the overture to Freischutz told me that I had -stepped, as it were with both feet, right into the magic realm of -awe. Any one who had been watching me at that moment could hardly -have failed to see the state I was in, and this in spite of the -fact that I was such a bad performer on the piano. - -Another work also exercised a great fascination over me, namely, -the overture to Fidelio in E major, the introduction to which -affected me deeply. I asked my sisters about Beethoven, and -learned that the news of his death had just arrived. Obsessed as -I still was by the terrible grief caused by Weber's death, this -fresh loss, due to the decease of this great master of melody, -who had only just entered my life, filled me with strange -anguish, a feeling nearly akin to my childish dread of the -ghostly fifths on the violin. It was now Beethoven's music that I -longed to know more thoroughly; I came to Leipzig, and found his -music to Egmont on the piano at my sister Louisa's. After that I -tried to get hold of his sonatas. At last, at a concert at the -Gewandthaus, I heard one of the master's symphonies for the first -time; it was the Symphony in A major. The effect on me was -indescribable. To this must be added the impression produced on -me by Beethoven's features, which I saw in the lithographs that -were circulated everywhere at that time, and by the fact that he -was deaf, and lived a quiet secluded life. I soon conceived an -image of him in my mind as a sublime and unique supernatural -being, with whom none could compare. This image was associated in -my brain with that of Shakespeare; in ecstatic dreams I met both -of them, saw and spoke to them, and on awakening found myself -bathed in tears. - -It was at this time that I came across Mozart's Requiem, which -formed the starting-point of my enthusiastic absorption in the -works of that master. His second finale to Don Juan inspired me -to include him in my spirit world. - -I was now filled with a desire to compose, as I had before been -to write verse. I had, however, in this case to master the -technique of an entirely separate and complicated subject. This -presented greater difficulties than I had met with in writing -verse, which came to me fairly easily. It was these difficulties -that drove me to adopt a career which bore some resemblance to -that of a professional musician, whose future distinction would -be to win the titles of Conductor and Writer of Opera. - -I now wanted to set Leubald und Adelaide to music, similar to -that which Beethoven wrote to Goethe's Egmont; the various ghosts -from the spirit world, who were each to display different -characteristics, were to borrow their own distinctive colouring -from appropriate musical accompaniment. In order to acquire the -necessary technique of composition quickly I studied Logier's -Methode des Generalbasses, a work which was specially recommended -to me at a musical lending library as a suitable text-book from -which this art might be easily mastered. I have distinct -recollections that the financial difficulties with which I was -continually harassed throughout my life began at this time. I -borrowed Logier's book on the weekly payment system, in the fond -hope of having to pay for it only during a few weeks out of the -savings of my weekly pocket-money. But the weeks ran on into -months, and I was still unable to compose as well as I wished. -Mr. Frederick Wieck, whose daughter afterwards married Robert -Schumann, was at that time the proprietor of that lending -library. He kept sending me troublesome reminders of the debt I -owed him; and when my bill had almost reached the price of -Logier's book I had to make a clean breast of the matter to my -family, who thus not only learnt of my financial difficulties in -general, but also of my latest transgression into the domain of -music, from which, of course, at the very most, they expected -nothing better than a repetition of Leubald und Adelaide. - -There was great consternation at home; my mother, sister, and -brother-in-law, with anxious faces, discussed how my studies -should be superintended in future, to prevent my having any -further opportunity for transgressing in this way. No one, -however, yet knew the real state of affairs at school, and they -hoped I would soon see the error of my ways in this case as I had -in my former craze for poetry. - -But other domestic changes were taking place which necessitated -my being for some little time alone in our house at Leipzig -during the summer of 1829, when I was left entirely to my own -devices. It was during this period that my passion for music rose -to an extraordinary degree. I had secretly been taking lessons in -harmony from G. Muller, afterwards organist at Altenburg, an -excellent musician belonging to the Leipzig orchestra. Although -the payment of these lessons was also destined to get me into hot -water at home later on, I could not even make up to my teacher -for the delay in the payment of his fees by giving him the -pleasure of watching me improve in my studies. His teaching and -exercises soon filled me with the greatest disgust, as to my mind -it all seemed so dry. For me music was a spirit, a noble and -mystic monster, and any attempt to regulate it seemed to lower it -in my eyes. I gathered much more congenial instruction about it -from Hoffmann's Phantasiestucken than from my Leipzig orchestra -player; and now came the time when I really lived and breathed in -Hoffmann's artistic atmosphere of ghosts and spirits. With my -head quite full of Kreissler, Krespel, and other musical spectres -from my favourite author, I imagined that I had at last found in -real life a creature who resembled them: this ideal musician in -whom for a time I fancied I had discovered a second Kreissler was -a man called Flachs. He was a tall, exceedingly thin man, with a -very narrow head and an extraordinary way of walking, moving, and -speaking, whom I had seen at all those open-air concerts which -formed my principal source of musical education. He was always -with the members of the orchestra, speaking exceedingly quickly, -first to one and then the other; for they all knew him, and -seemed to like him. The fact that they were making fun of him I -only learned, to my great confusion, much later. I remember -having noticed this strange figure from my earliest days in -Dresden, and I gathered from the conversations which I overheard -that he was indeed well known to all Dresden musicians. This -circumstance alone was sufficient to make me take a great -interest in him; but the point about him which attracted me more -than anything was the manner in which he listened to the various -items in the programme: he used to give peculiar, convulsive nods -of his head, and blow out his cheeks as though with sighs. All -this I regarded as a sign of spiritual ecstasy. I noticed, -moreover, that he was quite alone, that he belonged to no party, -and paid no attention to anything in the garden save the music; -whereupon my identification of this curious being with the -conductor Kreissler seemed quite natural. I was determined to -make his acquaintance, and I succeeded in doing so. Who shall -describe my delight when, on going to call on him at his rooms -for the first time, I found innumerable bundles of scores! I had -as yet never seen a score. It is true I discovered, to my regret, -that he possessed nothing either by Beethoven, Mozart, or Weber; -in fact, nothing but immense quantities of works, masses, and -cantatas by composers such as Staerkel, Stamitz, Steibelt, etc., -all of whom were entirely unknown to me. Yet Flachs was able to -tell me so much that was good about them that the respect which I -felt for scores in general helped me to overcome my regret at not -finding anything by my beloved masters. It is true I learnt later -that poor Flachs had only come into the possession of these -particular scores through unscrupulous dealers, who had traded on -his weakness of intellect and palmed off this worthless music on -him for large sums of money. At all events, they were scores, and -that was quite enough for me. Flachs and I became most intimate; -we were always seen going about together--I, a lanky boy of -sixteen, and this weird, shaky flaxpole. The doors of my deserted -home were often opened for this strange guest, who made me play -my compositions to him while he ate bread and cheese. In return, -he once arranged one of my airs for wind instruments, and, to my -astonishment, it was actually accepted and played by the band in -Kintschy's Swiss Chalet. That this man had not the smallest -capacity to teach me anything never once occurred to me; I was so -firmly convinced of his originality that there was no need for -him to prove it further than by listening patiently to my -enthusiastic outpourings. But as, in course of time, several of -his own friends joined us, I could not help noticing that the -worthy Flachs was regarded by them all as a half-witted fool. At -first this merely pained me, but a strange incident unexpectedly -occurred which converted me to the general opinion about him. -Flachs was a man of some means, and had fallen into the toils of -a young lady of dubious character who he believed was deeply in -love with him. One day, without warning, I found his house closed -to me, and discovered, to my astonishment, that jealousy was the -cause. The unexpected discovery of this liaison, which was my -first experience of such a case, filled me with a strange horror. -My friend suddenly appeared to me even more mad than he really -was. I felt so ashamed of my persistent blindness that for some -time to come I never went to any of the garden concerts for fear -I should meet my sham Kreissler. - -By this time I had composed my first Sonata in D minor. I had -also begun a pastoral play, and had worked it out in what I felt -sure must be an entirely unprecedented way. - -I chose Goethe's Laune der Verliebten as a model for the form and -plot of my work. I scarcely even drafted out the libretto, -however, but worked it out at the same time as the music and -orchestration, so that, while I was writing out one page of the -score, I had not even thought out the words for the next page. I -remember distinctly that following this extraordinary method, -although I had not acquired the slightest knowledge about writing -for instruments, I actually worked out a fairly long passage -which finally resolved itself into a scene for three female -voices followed by the air for the tenor. My bent for writing for -the orchestra was so strong that I procured a score of Don Juan, -and set to work on what I then considered a very careful -orchestration of a fairly long air for soprano. I also wrote a -quartette in D major after I had myself sufficiently mastered the -alto for the viola, my ignorance of which had caused me great -difficulty only a short time before, when I was studying a -quartette by Haydn. - -Armed with these works, I set out in the summer on my first -journey as a musician. My sister Clara, who was married to the -singer Wolfram, had an engagement at the theatre at Magdeburg, -whither, in characteristic fashion, I set forth upon my adventure -on foot. - -My short stay with my relations provided me with many experiences -of musical life. It was there that I met a new freak, whose -influence upon me I have never been able to forget. He was a -musical conductor of the name of Kuhnlein, a most extraordinary -person. Already advanced in years, delicate and, unfortunately, -given to drink, this man nevertheless impressed one by something -striking and vigorous in his expression. His chief -characteristics were an enthusiastic worship of Mozart and a -passionate depreciation of Weber. He had read only one book-- -Goethe's Faust--and in this work there was not a page in which he -had not underlined some passage, and made some remark in praise -of Mozart or in disparagement of Weber. It was to this man that -my brother-in-law confided the compositions which I had brought -with me in order to learn his opinion of my abilities. One -evening, as we were sitting comfortably in an inn, old Kuhnlein -came in, and approached us with a friendly, though serious -manner. - -I thought I read good news in his features, but when my brother- -in-law asked him what he thought of my work, he answered quietly -and calmly, 'There is not a single good note in it!' My brother- -in-law, who was accustomed to Kuhnlein's eccentricity, gave a -loud laugh which reassured me somewhat. It was impossible to get -any advice or coherent reasons for his opinion out of Kuhnlein; -he merely renewed his abuse of Weber and made some references to -Mozart which, nevertheless, made a deep impression upon me, as -Kuhnlein's language was always very heated and emphatic. - -On the other hand, this visit brought me a great treasure, which -was responsible for leading me in a very different direction from -that advised by Kuhnlein. This was the score of Beethoven's great -Quartette in E flat major, which had only been fairly recently -published, and of which my brother-in-law had a copy made for me. -Richer in experience, and in the possession of this treasure, I -returned to Leipzig to the nursery of my queer musical studies. -But my family had now returned with my sister Rosalie, and I -could no longer keep secret from them the fact that my connection -with the school had been entirely suspended, for a notice was -found saying that I had not attended the school for the last six -months. As a complaint addressed by the rector to my uncle about -me had not received adequate attention, the school authorities -had apparently made no further attempts to exercise any -supervision over me, which I had indeed rendered quite impossible -by absenting myself altogether. - -A fresh council of war was held in the family to discuss what was -to be done with me. As I laid particular stress on my bent for -music, my relations thought that I ought, at any rate, to learn -one instrument thoroughly. My brother-in-law, Brockhaus, proposed -to send me to Hummel, at Weimar, to be trained as a pianist, but -as I loudly protested that by 'music' I meant 'composing,' and -not 'playing an instrument,' they gave way, and decided to let me -have regular lessons in harmony from Muller, the very musician -from whom I had had instruction on the sly some little while -before, and who had not yet been paid. In return for this I -promised faithfully to go back to work conscientiously at St. -Nicholas's School. I soon grew tired of both. I could brook no -control, and this unfortunately applied to my musical instruction -as well. The dry study of harmony disgusted me more and more, -though I continued to conceive fantasias, sonatas, and overtures, -and work them out by myself. On the other hand, I was spurred on -by ambition to show what I could do at school if I liked. When -the Upper School boys were set the task of writing a poem, I -composed a chorus in Greek, on the recent War of Liberation. I -can well imagine that this Greek poem had about as much -resemblance to a real Greek oration and poetry, as the sonatas -and overtures I used to compose at that time had to thoroughly -professional music. My attempt was scornfully rejected as a piece -of impudence. After that I have no further recollections of my -school. My continued attendance was a pure sacrifice on my side, -made out of consideration for my family: I did not pay the -slightest attention to what was taught in the lessons, but -secretly occupied myself all the while with reading any book that -happened to attract me. - -As my musical instruction also did me no good, I continued in my -wilful process of self-education by copying out the scores of my -beloved masters, and in so doing acquired a neat handwriting, -which in later years has often been admired. I believe my copies -of the C minor Symphony and the Ninth Symphony by Beethoven are -still preserved as souvenirs. - -Beethoven's Ninth Symphony became the mystical goal of all my -strange thoughts and desires about music. I was first attracted -to it by the opinion prevalent among musicians, not only in -Leipzig but elsewhere, that this work had been written by -Beethoven when he was already half mad. It was considered the -'non plus ultra' of all that was fantastic and incomprehensible, -and this was quite enough to rouse in me a passionate desire to -study this mysterious work. At the very first glance at the -score, of which I obtained possession with such difficulty, I -felt irresistibly attracted by the long-sustained pure fifths -with which the first phrase opens: these chords, which, as I -related above, had played such a supernatural part in my childish -impressions of music, seemed in this case to form the spiritual -keynote of my own life. This, I thought, must surely contain the -secret of all secrets, and accordingly the first thing to be done -was to make the score my own by a process of laborious copying. I -well remember that on one occasion the sudden appearance of the -dawn made such an uncanny impression on my excited nerves that I -jumped into bed with a scream as though I had seen a ghost. The -symphony at that time had not yet been arranged for the piano; it -had found so little favour that the publisher did not feel -inclined to run the risk of producing it. I set to work at it, -and actually composed a complete piano solo, which I tried to -play to myself. I sent my work to Schott, the publisher of the -score, at Mainz. I received in reply a letter saying 'that the -publishers had not yet decided to issue the Ninth Symphony for -the piano, but that they would gladly keep my laborious work,' -and offered me remuneration in the shape of the score of the -great Missa Solemnis in D, which I accepted with great pleasure. - -In addition to this work I practised the violin for some time, as -my harmony master very rightly considered that some knowledge of -the practical working of this instrument was indispensable for -any one who had the intention of composing for the orchestra. My -mother, indeed, paid the violinist Sipp (who was still playing in -the Leipzig orchestra in 1865) eight thalers for a violin (I do -not know what became of it), with which for quite three months I -must have inflicted unutterable torture upon my mother and sister -by practising in my tiny little room. I got so far as to play -certain Variations in F sharp by Mayseder, but only reached the -second or third. After that I have no further recollections of -this practising, in which my family fortunately had very good -reasons of their own for not encouraging me. - -But the time now arrived when my interest in the theatre again -took a passionate hold upon me. A new company had been formed in -my birthplace under very good auspices. The Board of Management -of the Court Theatre at Dresden had taken over the management of -the Leipzig theatre for three years. My sister Rosalie was a -member of the company, and through her I could always gain -admittance to the performances; and that which in my childhood -had been merely the interest aroused by a strange spirit of -curiosity now became a more deep-seated and conscious passion. - -Julius Caesar, Macbeth, Hamlet, the plays of Schiller, and to -crown all, Goethe's Faust, excited and stirred me deeply. The -Opera was giving the first performances of Marschner's Vampir and -Templer und Judin. The Italian company arrived from Dresden, and -fascinated the Leipzig audience by their consummate mastery of -their art. Even I was almost carried away by the enthusiasm with -which the town was over-whelmed, into forgetting the boyish -impressions which Signor Sassaroli had stamped upon my mind, when -another miracle--which also came to us from Dresden--suddenly -gave a new direction to my artistic feelings and exercised a -decisive influence over my whole life. This consisted of a -special performance given by Wilhelmine Schroder-Devrient, who at -that time was at the zenith of her artistic career, young, -beautiful, and ardent, and whose like I have never again seen on -the stage. She made her appearance in Fidelio. - -If I look back on my life as a whole, I can find no event that -produced so profound an impression upon me. Any one who can -remember that wonderful woman at this period of her life must to -some extent have experienced the almost Satanic ardour which the -intensely human art of this incomparable actress poured into his -veins. After the performance I rushed to a friend's house and -wrote a short note to the singer, in which I briefly told her -that from that moment my life had acquired its true significance, -and that if in days to come she should ever hear my name praised -in the world of Art, she must remember that she had that evening -made me what I then swore it was my destiny to become. This note -I left at her hotel, and ran out into the night as if I were mad. -In the year 1842, when I went to Dresden to make my debut with -Rienzi, I paid several visits to the kind-hearted singer, who -startled me on one occasion by repeating this letter word for -word. It seemed to have made an impression on her too, as she had -actually kept it. - -At this point I feel myself obliged to acknowledge that the great -confusion which now began to prevail in my life, and particularly -in my studies, was due to the inordinate effect this artistic -interpretation had upon me. I did not know where to turn, or how -to set about producing something myself which might place me in -direct contact with the impression I had received, while -everything that could not be brought into touch with it seemed to -me so shallow and meaningless that I could not possibly trouble -myself with it. I should have liked to compose a work worthy of a -Schroder-Devrient; but as this was quite beyond my power, in my -head-long despair I let all artistic endeavour slide, and as my -work was also utterly insufficient to absorb me, I flung myself -recklessly into the life of the moment in the company of -strangely chosen associates, and indulged in all kinds of -youthful excesses. - -I now entered into all the dissipations of raw manhood, the -outward ugliness and inward emptiness of which make me marvel to -this day. My intercourse with those of my own age had always been -the result of pure chance. I cannot remember that any special -inclination or attraction determined me in the choice of my young -friends. While I can honestly say that I was never in a position -to stand aloof out of envy from any one who was specially gifted, -I can only explain my indifference in the choice of my associates -by the fact that through inexperience regarding the sort of -companionship that would be of advantage to me, I cared only to -have some one who would accompany me in my excursions, and to -whom I could pour out my feelings to my heart's content without -caring what effect it might have upon him. The result of this was -that after a stream of confidences to which my own excitement was -the only response, I at length reached the point when I turned -and looked at my friend; to my astonishment I generally found -that there was no question of response at all, and as soon as I -set my heart on drawing something from him in return, and urged -him to confide in me, when he really had nothing to tell, the -connection usually came to an end and left no trace on my life. -In a certain sense my strange relationship with Flachs was -typical of the great majority of my ties in after-life. -Consequently, as no lasting personal bond of friendship ever -found its way into my life, it is easy to understand how delight -in the dissipations of student life could become a passion of -some duration, because in it individual intercourse is entirely -replaced by a common circle of acquaintances. In the midst of -rowdyism and ragging of the most foolish description, I remained -quite alone, and it is quite possible that these frivolities -formed a protecting hedge round my inmost soul, which needed time -to grow to its natural strength and not be weakened by reaching -maturity too soon. - -My life seemed to break up in all directions; I had to leave St. -Nicholas's School at Easter 1830, as I was too deeply in disgrace -with the staff of masters ever to hope for any promotion in the -University from that quarter. It was now determined that I should -study privately for six months and then go to St. Thomas's -School, where I should be in fresh surroundings and be able to -work up and qualify in a short time for the University. My uncle -Adolph, with whom I was constantly renewing my friendship, and -who also encouraged me about my music and exercised a good -influence over me in that respect, in spite of the utter -degradation of my life at that time, kept arousing in me an ever -fresh desire for scientific studies. I took private lessons in -Greek from a scholar, and read Sophocles with him. For a time I -hoped this noble poet would again inspire me to get a real hold -on the language, but the hope was vain. I had not chosen the -right teacher, and, moreover, his sitting-room in which we -pursued our studies looked out on a tanyard, the repulsive odour -of which affected my nerves so strongly that I became thoroughly -disgusted both with Sophocles and Greek. My brother-in-law, -Brockhaus, who wanted to put me in the way of earning some -pocket-money, gave me the correcting of the proof-sheets of a new -edition he was bringing out of Becker's Universal History, -revised by Lobell. This gave me a reason for improving by private -study the superficial general instruction on every subject which -is given at school, and I thus acquired the valuable knowledge -which I was destined to have in later life of most of the -branches of learning so uninterestingly taught in class. I must -not forget to mention that, to a certain extent, the attraction -exercised over me by this first closer study of history was due -to the fact that it brought me in eightpence a sheet, and I thus -found myself in one of the rarest positions in my life, actually -earning money; yet I should be doing myself an injustice if I did -not bear in mind the vivid impressions I now for the first time -received upon turning my serious attention to those periods of -history with which I had hitherto had a very superficial -acquaintance. All I recollect about my school days in this -connection is that I was attracted by the classical period of -Greek history; Marathon, Salamis, and Thermopylae composed the -canon of all that interested me in the subject. Now for the first -time I made an intimate acquaintance with the Middle Ages and the -French Revolution, as my work in correcting dealt precisely with -the two volumes which contained these two periods. I remember in -particular that the description of the Revolution filled me with -sincere hatred for its heroes; unfamiliar as I was with the -previous history of France, my human sympathy was horrified by -the cruelty of the men of that day, and this purely human impulse -remained so strong in me that I remember how even quite recently -it cost me a real struggle to give any weight to the true -political significance of those acts of violence. - -How great, then, was my astonishment when one day the current -political events of the time enabled me, as it were, to gain a -personal experience of the sort of national upheavals with which -I had come into distant contact in the course of my proof- -correcting. The special editions of the Leipzig Gazette brought -us the news of the July Revolution in Paris. The King of France -had been driven from his throne; Lafayette, who a moment before -had seemed a myth to me, was again riding through a cheering -crowd in the streets of Paris; the Swiss Guards had once more -been butchered in the Tuileries, and a new King knew no better -way of commending himself to the populace than by declaring -himself the embodiment of the Republic. Suddenly to become -conscious of living at a time in which such things took place -could not fail to have a startling effect on a boy of seventeen. -The world as a historic phenomenon began from that day in my -eyes, and naturally my sympathies were wholly on the side of the -Revolution, which I regarded in the light of a heroic popular -struggle crowned with victory, and free from the blemish of the -terrible excesses that stained the first French Revolution. As -the whole of Europe, including some of the German states, was -soon plunged more or less violently into rebellion, I remained -for some time in a feverish state of suspense, and now first -turned my attention to the causes of these upheavals, which I -regarded as struggles of the young and hopeful against the old -and effete portion of mankind. Saxony also did not remain -unscathed; in Dresden it came to actual fighting in the streets, -which immediately produced a political change in the shape of the -proclamation of the regency of the future King Frederick, and the -granting of a constitution. This event filled me with such -enthusiasm that I composed a political overture, the prelude of -which depicted dark oppression in the midst of which a strain was -at last heard under which, to make my meaning clearer, I wrote -the words Friedrich und Freiheil; this strain was intended to -develop gradually and majestically into the fullest triumph, -which I hoped shortly to see successfully performed at one of the -Leipzig Garden Concerts. - -However, before I was able to develop my politico-musical -conceptions further, disorders broke out in Leipzig itself which -summoned me from the precincts of Art to take a direct share in -national life. National life in Leipzig at this time meant -nothing more than antagonism between the students and the police, -the latter being the arch-enemy upon whom the youthful love of -liberty vented itself. Some students had been arrested in a -street broil who were now to be rescued. The under-graduates, who -had been restless for some days, assembled one evening in the -Market Place and the Clubs, mustered together, and made a ring -round their leaders. The whole proceeding was marked by a certain -measured solemnity, which impressed me deeply. They sang -Gaudeamus igitur, formed up into column, and picking up from the -crowd any young men who sympathised with them, marched gravely -and resolutely from the Market Place to the University buildings, -to open the cells and set free the students who had been -arrested. My heart beat fast as I marched with them to this -'Taking of the Bastille,' but things did not turn out as we -expected, for in the courtyard of the Paulinum the solemn -procession was stopped by Rector Krug, who had come down to meet -it with his grey head bared; his assurance that the captives had -already been released at his request was greeted with a -thundering cheer, and the matter seemed at an end. - -But the tense expectation of a revolution had grown too great not -to demand some sacrifice. A summons was suddenly spread calling -us to a notorious alley in order to exercise popular justice upon -a hated magistrate who, it was rumoured, had unlawfully taken -under his protection a certain house of ill-fame in that quarter. -When I reached the spot with the tail-end of the crowd, I found -the house had been broken into and all sorts of violence had been -committed. I recall with horror the intoxicating effect this -unreasoning fury had upon me, and cannot deny that without the -slightest personal provocation I shared, like one possessed, in -the frantic onslaught of the undergraduates, who madly shattered -furniture and crockery to bits. I do not believe that the -ostensible motive for this outrage, which, it is true, was to be -found in a fact that was a grave menace to public morality, had -any weight with me whatever; on the contrary, it was the purely -devilish fury of these popular outbursts that drew me, too, like -a madman into their vortex. - -The fact that such fits of fury are not quick to abate, but, in -accordance with certain natural laws, reach their proper -conclusion only after they have degenerated into frenzy, I was to -learn in my own person. Scarcely did the summons ring out for us -to march to another resort of the same kind than I too found -myself in the tide which set towards the opposite end of the -town. There the same exploits were repeated, and the most -ludicrous outrages perpetrated. I cannot remember that the -enjoyment of alcoholic drinks contributed to the intoxication of -myself and my immediate fellows. I only know that I finally got -into the state that usually succeeds a debauch, and upon waking -next morning, as if from a hideous nightmare, had to convince -myself that I had really taken part in the events of the previous -night by a trophy I possessed in the shape of a tattered red -curtain, which I had brought home as a token of my prowess. The -thought that people generally, and my own family in particular, -were wont to put a lenient construction upon youthful escapades -was a great comfort to me; outbursts of this kind on the part of -the young were regarded as righteous indignation against really -serious scandals, and there was no need for me to be afraid of -owning up to having taken part in such excesses. - -The dangerous example, however, which had been set by the -undergraduates incited the lower classes and the mob to similar -excesses on the following nights, against employers and any who -were obnoxious to them. The matter at once assumed a more serious -complexion; property was threatened, and a conflict between rich -and poor stood grinning at our doors. As there were no soldiers -in the town, and the police were thoroughly disorganised, the -students were called in as a protection against the lower orders. -An undergraduate's hour of glory now began, such as I could only -have thirsted for in my schoolboy dreams. The student became the -tutelar deity of Leipzig, called on by the authorities to arm and -band together in defence of property, and the same young men who -two days before had yielded to a rage for destruction, now -mustered in the University courtyard. The proscribed names of the -students' clubs and unions were shouted by the mouths of town -councillors and chief constables in order to summon curiously -equipped undergraduates, who thereupon, in simple mediaeval array -of war, scattered throughout the town, occupied the guard-rooms -at the gates, provided sentinels for the grounds of various -wealthy merchants, and, as occasion demanded, took places which -seemed threatened, more especially inns, under their permanent -protection. - -Though, unluckily, I was not yet a member of their body, I -anticipated the delights of academic citizenship by half- -impudent, half-obsequious solicitation of the leaders of the -students whom I honoured most. I had the good fortune to -recommend myself particularly to these 'cocks of the walk,' as -they were styled, on account of my relationship to Brockhaus, in -whose grounds the main body of these champions were encamped for -some time. My brother-in-law was among those who had been -seriously threatened, and it was only owing to really great -presence of mind and assurance that he succeeded in saving his -printing works, and especially his steam presses, which were the -chief object of attack, from destruction. To protect his property -against further assault, detachments of students were told off to -his grounds as well; the excellent entertainment which the -generous master of the house offered his jovial guardians in his -pleasant summer-house enticed the pick of the students to him. My -brother-in-law was for several weeks guarded day and night -against possible attacks by the populace, and on this occasion, -as the mediator of a flowing hospitality, I celebrated among the -most famous 'bloods' of the University the true saturnalia of my -scholarly ambition. - -For a still longer period the guarding of the gates was entrusted -to the students; the unheard-of splendour which accordingly -became associated with this post drew fresh aspirants to the spot -from far and near. Every day huge chartered vehicles discharged -at the Halle Gate whole bands of the boldest sons of learning -from Halle, Jena, Gottingen, and the remotest regions. They got -down close to the guards at the gate, and for several weeks never -set foot in an inn or any other dwelling; they lived at the -expense of the Council, drew vouchers on the police for food and -drink, and knew but one care, that the possibility of a general -quieting of men's minds would make their opportune guardianship -superfluous. I never missed a day on guard or a night either, -alas! trying to impress on my family the urgent need for my -personal endurance. Of course, the quieter and really studious -spirits among us soon resigned these duties, and only the flower -of the flock of undergraduates remained so staunch that it became -difficult for the authorities to relieve them of their task. I -held out to the very last, and succeeded in making most -astonishing friends for my age. Many of the most audacious -remained in Leipzig even when there was no guard duty to fulfil, -and peopled the place for some time with champions of an -extraordinarily desperate and dissipated type, who had been -repeatedly sent down from various universities for rowdyism or -debt, and who now, thanks to the exceptional circumstances of the -day, found a refuge in Leipzig, where at first they had been -received with open arms by the general enthusiasm of their -comrades. - -In the presence of all these phenomena I felt as if I were -surrounded by the results of an earthquake which had upset the -usual order of things. My brother-in-law, Friedrich Brockhaus, -who could justly taunt the former authorities of the place with -their inability to maintain peace and order, was carried away by -the current of a formidable movement of opposition. He made a -daring speech at the Guildhall before their worships the Town -Council, which brought him popularity, and he was appointed -second-in-command of the newly constituted Leipzig Municipal -Guard. This body at length ousted my adored students from the -guard-rooms of the town gates, and we no longer had the right of -stopping travellers and inspecting their passes. On the other -hand, I flattered myself that I might regard my new position as a -boy citizen as equivalent to that of the French National Guard, -and my brother-in-law, Brockhaus, as a Saxon Lafayette, which, at -all events, succeeded in furnishing my soaring excitement with a -healthy stimulant. I now began to read the papers and cultivate -politics enthusiastically; however, the social intercourse of the -civic world did not attract me sufficiently to make me false to -my beloved academic associates. I followed them faithfully from -the guard-rooms to the ordinary bars, where their splendour as -men of the literary world now sought retirement. - -My chief ambition was to become one of them as soon as possible. -This, however, could only be accomplished by being again entered -at a grammar school. St. Thomas's, whose headmaster was a feeble -old man, was the place where my wishes could be most speedily -attained. - -I joined the school in the autumn of 1830 simply with the -intention of qualifying myself for the Leaving Examination by -merely nominal attendance there. The chief thing in connection -with it was that I and friends of the same bent succeeded in -establishing a sham students' association called the Freshman's -Club. It was formed with all possible pedantry, the institution -of the 'Comment' was introduced, fencing-practice and sword-bouts -were held, and an inaugural meeting to which several prominent -students were invited, and at which I presided as 'Vice' in white -buckskin trousers and great jack-boots, gave me a foretaste of -the delights awaiting me as a full-blown son of the Muses. - -The masters of St. Thomas's, however, were not quite so ready to -fall in with my aspirations to studentship; at the end of the -half-year they were of the opinion that I had not given a thought -to their institution, and nothing could persuade them that I had -earned a title to academic citizenship by any acquisition of -knowledge. Some sort of decision was necessary, so I accordingly -informed my family that I had made up my mind not to study for a -profession at the University, but to become a musician. There was -nothing to prevent me matriculating as 'Studiosus Musicae,' and, -without therefore troubling myself about the pedantries of the -authorities at St. Thomas's, I defiantly quitted that seat of -learning from which I had derived small profit, and presented -myself forthwith to the rector of the University, whose -acquaintance I had made on the evening of the riot, to be -enrolled as a student of music. This was accordingly done without -further ado, on the payment of the usual fees. - -I was in a great hurry about it, for in a week the Easter -vacation would begin, and the 'men' would go down from Leipzig, -when it would be impossible to be elected member of a club until -the vacation was over, and to stay all those weeks at home in -Leipzig without having the right to wear the coveted colours -seemed to me unendurable torture. Straight from the rector's -presence I ran like a wounded animal to the fencing school, to -present myself for admission to the Saxon Club, showing my card -of matriculation. I attained my object, I could wear the colours -of the Saxonia, which was in the fashion at that time, and in -great request because it numbered so many delightful members in -its ranks. - -The strangest fate was to befall me in this Easter vacation, -during which I was really the only remaining representative of -the Saxon Club in Leipzig. In the beginning this club consisted -chiefly of men of good family as well as the better class -elements of the student world; all of them were members of highly -placed and well-to-do families in Saxony in general, and in -particular from the capital, Dresden, and spent their vacation at -their respective homes. There remained in Leipzig during the -vacations only those wandering students who had no homes, and for -whom in reality it was always or never holiday time. Among those -a separate club had arisen of daring and desperate young -reprobates who had found a last refuge, as I said, at Leipzig in -the glorious period I have recorded. I had already made the -personal acquaintance of these swashbucklers, who pleased my -fancy greatly, when they were guarding the Brockhaus grounds. -Although the regular duration of a university course did not -exceed three years, most of these men had never left their -universities for six or seven years. - -I was particularly fascinated by a man called Gebhardt, who was -endowed with extraordinary physical beauty and strength, and -whose slim heroic figure towered head and shoulders above all his -companions. When he walked down the street arm-in-arm with two of -the strongest of his comrades, he used suddenly to take it into -his head, by an easy movement of his arm, to lift his friends -high in the air and flutter along in this way as though he had a -pair of human wings. When a cab was going along the streets at a -sharp trot, he would seize a spoke of the wheel with one hand and -force it to pull up. Nobody ever told him that he was stupid -because they were afraid of his strength, hence his limitations -were scarcely noticed. His redoubtable strength, combined with a -temperate disposition, lent him a majestic dignity which placed -him above the level of an ordinary mortal. He had come to Leipzig -from Mecklenburg in the company of a certain Degelow, who was as -powerful and adroit, though by no means of such gigantic -proportions, as his friend, and whose chief attraction lay in his -great vivacity and animated features, he had led a wild and -dissipated life in which play, drink, passionate love affairs, -and constant and prompt duelling had rung the changes. -Ceremonious politeness, an ironic and pedantic coldness, which -testified to bold self-confidence, combined with a very hot -temper, formed the chief characteristics of this personage and -natures akin to his. Degelow's wildness and passion were lent a -curious diabolical charm by the possession of a malicious humour -which he often turned against himself, whereas towards others he -exercised a certain chivalrous tenderness. - -These two extraordinary men were joined by others who possessed -all the qualities essential to a reckless life, together with -real and headstrong valour. One of them, named Stelzer, a regular -Berserker out of the Nibelungenlied, who was nick-named Lope, was -in his twentieth term. While these men openly and consciously -belonged to a world doomed to destruction, and all their actions -and escapades could only be explained by the hypothesis that they -all believed that inevitable ruin was imminent, I made in their -company the acquaintance of a certain Schroter, who particularly -attracted me by his cordial disposition, pleasant Hanoverian -accent, and refined wit. He was not one of the regular young -dare-devils, towards whom he adopted a calm observant attitude, -while they were all fond of him and glad to see him. I made a -real friend of this Schroter, although he was much older than I -was. Through him I became acquainted with the works and poems of -H. Heine, and from him I acquired a certain neat and saucy wit, -and I was quite ready to surrender myself to his agreeable -influence in the hope of improving my outward bearing. It was his -company in particular that I sought every day; in the afternoon I -generally met him in the Rosenthal or Kintschy's Chalet, though -always in the presence of those wonderful Goths who excited at -once my alarm and admiration. - -They all belonged to university clubs which were on hostile terms -with the one of which I was a member. What this hostility between -the various clubs meant only those can judge who are familiar -with the tone prevalent among them in those days. The mere sight -of hostile colours sufficed to infuriate these men, who otherwise -were kind and gentle, provided they had taken the slightest drop -too much. At all events, as long as the old stagers were sober -they would look with good-natured complacency at a slight young -fellow like me in the hostile colours moving among them so -amicably. Those colours I wore in my own peculiar fashion. I had -made use of the brief week during which my club was still in -Leipzig to become the possessor of a splendid 'Saxon' cap, richly -embroidered with silver, and worn by a man called Muller, who was -afterwards a prominent constable at Dresden. I had been seized -with such a violent craving for this cap that I managed to buy it -from him, as he wanted money to go home. In spite of this -remarkable cap I was, as I have said, welcome in the den of this -band of rowdies: my friend Schroter saw to that. It was only when -the grog, which was the principal beverage of these wild spirits, -began to work that I used to notice curious glances and overhear -doubtful speeches, the significance of which was for some time -hidden from me by the dizziness in which my own senses were -plunged by this baneful drink. - -As I was inevitably bound on this account to be mixed up in -quarrels for some time to come, it afforded me a great -satisfaction that my first fight, as a matter of fact, arose from -an incident more creditable to me than those provocations which I -had left half unnoticed. One day Degelow came up to Schroter and -me in a wine-bar that we often frequented, and in quite a -friendly manner confessed to us confidentially his liking for a -young and very pretty actress whose talent Schroter disputed. -Degelow rejoined that this was as it might be, but that, for his -part, he regarded the young lady as the most respectable woman in -the theatre. I at once asked him if he considered my sister's -reputation was not as good. According to students' notions it was -impossible for Degelow, who doubtless had not the remotest -intention of being insulting, to give me any assurance further -than to say that he certainly did not think my sister had an -inferior reputation, but that, nevertheless, he meant to abide by -his assertion concerning the young lady he had mentioned. -Hereupon followed without delay the usual challenge, opening with -the words, 'You're an ass,' which sounded almost ridiculous to my -own ears when I said them to this seasoned swashbuckler. - -I remember that Degelow too gasped with astonishment, and -lightning seemed to flash from his eyes; but he controlled -himself in the presence of my friend, and proceeded to observe -the usual formalities of a challenge, and chose broadswords -(krumme Sabel) as the weapons for the fight. The event made a -great stir among our companions, but I saw less reason than -before to abstain from my usual intercourse with them. Only I -became more strict about the behaviour of the swashbucklers, and -for several days no evening passed without producing a challenge -between me and some formidable bully, until at last Count Solms, -the only member of my club who had returned to Leipzig as yet, -visited me as though he were an intimate friend and inquired into -what had occurred. He applauded my conduct, but advised me not to -wear my colours until the return of our comrades from the -vacation, and to keep away from the bad company into which I had -ventured. Fortunately I had not long to wait; university life -soon began again, and the fencing ground was filled. The -unenviable position, in which, in student phrase, I was suspended -with a half-dozen of the most terrible swordsmen, earned me a -glorious reputation among the 'freshmen' and 'juniors,' and even -among the older 'champions' of the Saxonia. - -My seconds were duly arranged, the dates for the various duels on -hand settled, and by the care of my seniors the needful time was -secured for me to acquire some sort of skill in fencing. The -light heart with which I awaited the fate which threatened me in -at least one of the impending encounters I myself could not -understand at the time; on the other hand, the way in which that -fate preserved me from the consequences of my rashness seems -truly miraculous in my eyes to this day, and, worthy of further -description. - -The preparations for a duel included obtaining some experience of -these encounters by being present at several of them. We freshmen -attained this object by what is called 'carrying duty,' that is -to say, we were entrusted with the rapiers of the corps (precious -weapons of honour belonging to the association), and had to take -them first to the grinder and thence to the scene of encounter, a -proceeding which was attended with some danger, as it had to be -done surreptitiously, since duelling was forbidden by law; in -return we acquired the right of assisting as spectators at the -impending engagements. - -When I had earned this honour, the meeting-place chosen for the -duel I was to watch was the billiard-room of an inn in the -Burgstrasse; the table had been moved to one side, and on it the -authorised spectators took their places. Among them I stood up -with a beating heart to watch the dangerous encounters between -those doughty champions. I was told on this occasion of the story -of one of my friends (a Jew named Levy, but known as Lippert), -who on this very floor had given so much ground before his -antagonist that the door had to be opened for him, and he fell -back through it down the steps into the street, still believing -he was engaged in the duel. When several bouts had been finished, -two men came on to the 'pitch,' Tempel, the president of the -Markomanen, and a certain Wohlfart, an old stager, already in his -fourteenth half-year of study, with whom I also was booked for an -encounter later on. When this was the case, a man was not allowed -to watch, in order that the weak points of the duellist might not -be betrayed to his future opponent. Wohlfart was accordingly -asked by my chiefs whether he wanted me removed; whereupon he -replied with calm contempt, 'Let them leave the little freshman -there, in God's name!' Thus I became an eye-witness of the -disablement of a swordsman who nevertheless showed himself so -experienced and skilful on the occasion that I might well have -become alarmed for the issue of my future encounter with him. His -gigantic opponent cut the artery of his right arm, which at once -ended the fight; the surgeon declared that Wohlfart would not be -able to hold a sword again for years, under which circumstances -my proposed meeting with him was at once cancelled. I do not deny -that this incident cheered my soul. - -Shortly afterwards the first general reunion of our club was held -at the Green Tap. These gatherings are regular hot-beds for the -production of duels. Here I brought upon myself a new encounter -with one Tischer, but learned at the same time that I had been -relieved of two of my most formidable previous engagements of the -kind by the disappearance of my opponents, both of whom had -escaped on account of debt and left no trace behind them. The -only one of whom I could hear anything was the terrible Stelzer, -surnamed Lope. This fellow had taken advantage of the passing of -Polish refugees, who had at that time already been driven over -the frontier and were making their way through Germany to France, -to disguise himself as an ill-starred champion of freedom, and he -subsequently found his way to the Foreign Legion in Algeria. On -the way home from the gathering, Degelow, whom I was to meet in a -few weeks, proposed a 'truce.' This was a device which, if it was -accepted, as it was in this case, enabled the future combatants -to entertain and talk to one another, which was otherwise most -strictly forbidden. We wandered back to the town arm-in-arm; with -chivalrous tenderness my interesting and formidable opponent -declared that he was delighted at the prospect of crossing swords -with me in a few weeks' time; that he regarded it as an honour -and a pleasure, as he was fond of me and respected me for my -valorous conduct. Seldom has any personal success flattered me -more. We embraced, and amid protestations which, owing to a -certain dignity about them, acquired a significance I can never -forget, we parted. He informed me that he must first pay a visit -to Jena, where he had an appointment to fight a duel. A week -later the news of his death reached Leipzig; he had been mortally -wounded in the duel at Jena. - -I felt as if I were living in a dream, out of which I was aroused -by the announcement of my encounter with Tischer. Though he was a -first-rate and vigorous fighter, he had been chosen by our chiefs -for my first passage of arms because he was fairly short. In -spite of being unable to feel any great confidence in my hastily -acquired and little practised skill in fencing, I looked forward -to this my first duel with a light heart. Although it was against -the rules, I never dreamed of telling the authorities that I was -suffering from a slight rash which I had caught at that time, and -which I was informed made wounds so dangerous that if it were -reported it would postpone the meeting, in spite of the fact that -I was modest enough to be prepared for wounds. I was sent for at -ten in the morning, and left home smiling to think what my mother -and sisters would say if in a few hours I were brought back in -the alarming state I anticipated. My chief, Herr v. Schonfeld, -was a pleasant, quiet sort of man, who lived on the marsh. When I -reached his house, he leant out of the window with his pipe in -his mouth, and greeted me with the words: 'You can go home, my -lad, it is all off; Tischer is in hospital.' When I got upstairs -I found several 'leading men' assembled, from whom I learned that -Tischer had got very drunk the night before, and had in -consequence laid himself open to the most outrageous treatment by -the inhabitants of a house of ill-fame. He was terribly hurt, and -had been taken by the police in the first instance to the -hospital. This inevitably meant rustication, and, above all, -expulsion from the academic association to which he belonged. - -I cannot clearly recall the incidents that removed from Leipzig -the few remaining fire-eaters to whom I had pledged myself since -that fatal vacation-time; I only know that this aide of my fame -as a student yielded to another. We celebrated the 'freshmen's -gathering,' to which all those who could manage it drove a four- -in-hand in a long procession through the town. After the -president of the club had profoundly moved me with his sudden and -yet prolonged solemnity, I conceived the desire to be among the -very last to return home from the outing. Accordingly I stayed -away three days and three nights, and spent the time chiefly in -gambling, a pastime which from the first night of our festivity -cast its devilish snares around me. Some half-dozen of the -smartest club members chanced to be together at early dawn in the -Jolly Peasant, and forthwith formed the nucleus of a gambling -club, which was reinforced during the day by recruits coming back -from the town. Members came to see whether we were still at it, -members also went away, but I with the original six held out for -days and nights without faltering. - -The desire that first prompted me to take part in the play was -the wish to win enough for my score (two thalers): this I -succeeded in doing, and thereupon I was inspired with the hope of -being able to settle all the debts I had made at that time by my -winnings at play. Just as I had hoped to learn composition most -quickly by Logier's method, but had found myself hampered in my -object for a long period by unexpected difficulties, so my plan -for speedily improving my financial position was likewise doomed -to disappointment. To win was not such an easy matter, and for -some three months I was such a victim to the rage for gambling -that no other passion was able to exercise the slightest -influence over my mind. - -Neither the Fechtboden (where the students' fights were -practised), nor the beer-house, nor the actual scene of the -fights, ever saw my face again. In my lamentable position I -racked my brains all day to devise ways and means of getting the -money wherewith to gamble at night. In vain did my poor mother -try everything in her power to induce me not to come home so late -at night, although she had no idea of the real nature of my -debauches: after I had left the house in the afternoon I never -returned till dawn the next day, and I reached my room (which was -at some distance from the others) by climbing over the gate, for -my mother had refused to give me a latch-key. - -In despair over my ill-luck, my passion for gambling grew into a -veritable mania, and I no longer felt any inclination for those -things which at one time had lured me to student life. I became -absolutely indifferent to the opinion of my former companions and -avoided them entirely; I now lost myself in the smaller gambling -dens of Leipzig, where only the very scum of the students -congregated. Insensible to any feeling of self-respect, I bore -even the contempt of my sister Rosalie; both she and my mother -hardly ever deigning to cast a glance at the young libertine whom -they only saw at rare intervals, looking deadly pale and worn -out: my ever-growing despair made me at last resort to -foolhardiness as the only means of forcing hostile fate to my -side. It suddenly struck me that only by dint of big stakes could -I make big profits. To this end I decided to make use of my -mother's pension, of which I was trustee of a fairly large sum. -That night I lost everything I had with me except one thaler: the -excitement with which I staked that last coin on a card was an -experience hitherto quite strange to my young life. As I had had -nothing to eat, I was obliged repeatedly to leave the gambling -table owing to sickness. With this last thaler I staked my life, -for my return to my home was, of course, out of the question. -Already I saw myself in the grey dawn, a prodigal son, fleeing -from all I held dear, through forest and field towards the -unknown. My mood of despair had gained so strong a hold upon me -that, when my card won, I immediately placed all the money on a -fresh stake, and repeated this experiment until I had won quite a -considerable amount. From that moment my luck grew continuously. -I gained such confidence that I risked the most hazardous stakes: -for suddenly it dawned upon me that this was destined to be my -last day with the cards. My good fortune now became so obvious -that the bank thought it wise to close. Not only had I won back -all the money I had lost, but I had won enough to pay off all my -debts as well. My sensations during the whole of this process -were of the most sacred nature: I felt as if God and His angels -were standing by my side and were whispering words of warning and -of consolation into my ears. - -Once more I climbed over the gate of my home in the early hours -of the morning, this time to sleep peacefully and soundly and to -awake very late, strengthened and as though born again. - -No sense of shame deterred me from telling my mother, to whom I -presented her money, the whole truth about this decisive night. I -voluntarily confessed my sin in having utilised her pension, -sparing no detail. She folded her hands and thanked God for His -mercy, and forthwith regarded me as saved, believing it -impossible for me ever to commit such a crime again. - -And, truth to tell, gambling had lost all fascination for me from -that moment. The world, in which I had moved like one demented, -suddenly seemed stripped of all interest or attraction. My rage -for gambling had already made me quite indifferent to the usual -student's vanities, and when I was freed from this passion also, -I suddenly found myself face to face with an entirely new world. - -To this world I belonged henceforth: it was the world of real and -serious musical study, to which I now devoted myself heart and -soul. - -Even during this wild period of my life, my musical development -had not been entirely at a standstill; on the contrary, it daily -became plainer that music was the only direction towards which my -mental tendencies had a marked bent. Only I had got quite out of -the habit of musical study. Even now it seems incredible that I -managed to find time in those days to finish quite a substantial -amount of composition. I have but the faintest recollection of an -Overture in C major (6/8 time), and of a Sonata in B flat major -arranged as a duet; the latter pleased my sister Ottilie, who -played it with me, so much that I arranged it for orchestra. But -another work of this period, an Overture in B flat major, left an -indelible impression on my mind on account of an incident -connected with it. This composition, in fact, was the outcome of -my study of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony in about the same degree -as Leubald und Adelaide was the result of my study of -Shakespeare. I had made a special point of bringing out the -mystic meaning in the orchestra, which I divided into three -distinctly different and opposite elements. I wanted to make the -characteristic nature of these elements clear to the score reader -the moment he looked at it by a striking display of colour, and -only the fact that I could not get any green ink made this -picturesque idea impossible. I employed black ink for the brass -instruments alone, the strings were to have red and the wind -green ink. This extraordinary score I gave for perusal to -Heinrich Dorn, who was at that time musical director of the -Leipzig theatre. He was very young, and impressed me as being a -very clever musician and a witty man of the world, whom the -Leipzig public made much of. - -Nevertheless, I have never been able to understand how he could -have granted my request to produce this overture. - -Some time afterwards I was rather inclined to believe with -others, who knew how much he enjoyed a good joke, that he -intended to treat himself to a little fun. At the time, however, -he vowed that he thought the work interesting, and maintained -that if it were only brought out as a hitherto unknown work by -Beethoven, the public would receive it with respect, though -without understanding. - -It was the Christmas of the fateful year 1830; as usual, there -would be no performance at the theatre on Christmas Eve, but -instead a concert for the poor had been organised, which received -but scant support. The first item on the programme was called by -the exciting title 'New Overture'--nothing more! I had -surreptitiously listened to the rehearsal with some misgiving. I -was very much impressed by the coolness with which Dorn fenced -with the apparent confusion which the members of the orchestra -showed with regard to this mysterious composition. The principal -theme of the Allegro was contained in four bars; after every -fourth bar, however, a fifth bar had been inserted, which had -nothing to do with the melody, and which was announced by a loud -bang on the kettle-drum on the second beat. As this drum-beat -stood out alone, the drummer, who continually thought he was -making a mistake, got confused, and did not give the right -sharpness to the accent as prescribed by the score. Listening -from my hidden corner, and frightened at my original intention, -this accidentally different rendering did not displease me. To my -genuine annoyance, however, Dorn called the drummer to the front -and insisted on his playing the accents with the prescribed -sharpness. When, after the rehearsal, I told the musical director -of my misgivings about this important fact, I could not get him -to promise a milder interpretation of the fatal drum-beat; he -stuck to it that the thing would sound very well as it was. In -spite of this assurance my restlessness grew, and I had not the -courage to introduce myself to my friends in advance as the -author of the 'New Overture.' - -My sister Ottilie, who had already been forced to survive the -secret readings of Leubald und Adelaide, was the only person -willing to come with me to hear my work. It was Christmas Eve, -and there was to be the usual Christmas tree, presents, etc., at -my brother-in-law's, Friedrich Brockhaus, and both of us -naturally wanted to be there. My sister, in particular, who lived -there, had a good deal to do with the arrangements, and could -only get away for a short while, and that with great difficulty; -our amiable relation accordingly had the carriage ready for her -so that she might get back more quickly. I made use of this -opportunity to inaugurate, as it were, my entree into the musical -world in a festive manner. The carriage drew up in front of the -theatre. Ottilie went into my brother-in-law's box, which forced -me to try and find a seat in the pit. I had forgotten to buy a -ticket, and was refused admission by the man at the door. -Suddenly the tuning up of the orchestra grew louder and louder, -and I thought I should have to miss the beginning of my work. In -my anxiety I revealed myself to the man at the door as the -composer of the 'New Overture,' and in this way succeeded in -passing without a ticket. I pushed my way through to one of the -first rows of the pit, and sat down in terrible anxiety. - -The Overture began: after the theme of the 'black' brass -instruments had made itself heard with great emphasis, the 'red' -Allegro theme started, in which, as I have already mentioned, -every fifth bar was interrupted by the drum-beat from the 'black' -world. What kind of effect the 'green' theme of the wind -instruments, which joined in afterwards, produced upon the -listeners, and what they must have thought when 'black,' 'red,' -and 'green' themes became intermingled, has always remained a -mystery to me, for the fatal drum-beat, brutally hammered out, -entirely deprived me of my senses, especially as this prolonged -and continually recurring effect now began to rouse, not only the -attention, but the merriment of the audience. I heard my -neighbours calculating the return of this effect; knowing the -absolute correctness of their calculation, I suffered ten -thousand torments, and became almost unconscious. At last I awoke -from my nightmare when the Overture, to which I had disdained to -give what I considered a trite ending, came to a standstill most -unexpectedly. - -No phantoms like those in Hoffmann's Tales could have succeeded -in producing the extraordinary state in which I came to my senses -on noticing the astonishment of the audience at the end of the -performance. I heard no exclamations of disapproval, no hissing, -no remarks, not even laughter; all I saw was intense astonishment -at such a strange occurrence, which impressed them, as it did me, -like a horrible nightmare. The worst moment, however, came when I -had to leave the pit and take my sister home. To get up and pass -through the people in the pit was horrible indeed. Nothing, -however, equalled the pain of coming face to face with the man at -the door; the strange look he gave me haunted me ever afterwards, -and for a considerable time I avoided the pit of the Leipzig -theatre. - -My next step was to find my sister, who had gone through the -whole sad experience with infinite pity; in silence we drove home -to be present at a brilliant family festivity, which contrasted -with grim irony with the gloom of my bewilderment. - -In spite of it all I tried to believe in myself, and thought I -could find comfort in my overture to the Braut von Messina, which -I believed to be a better work than the fatal one I had just -heard. A reinstatement, however, was out of the question, for the -directors of the Leipzig theatre regarded me for a long time as a -very doubtful person, in spite of Dorn's friendship. It is true -that I still tried my hand at sketching out compositions to -Goethe's Faust, some of which have been preserved to this day: -but soon my wild student's life resumed its sway and drowned the -last remnant of serious musical study in me. - -I now began to imagine that because I had become a student I -ought to attend the University lectures. From Traugott Krug, who -was well known to me on account of his having suppressed the -student's revolt, I tried to learn the first principles of -philosophy; a single lesson sufficed to make me give this up. Two -or three times, however, I attended the lectures on aesthetics -given by one of the younger professors, a man called Weiss. This -perseverance was due to the interest which Weiss immediately -aroused in me. When I made his acquaintance at my uncle Adolph's -house, Weiss had just translated the metaphysics of Aristotle, -and, if I am not mistaken, dedicated them in a controversial -spirit to Hegel. - -On this occasion I had listened to the conversation of these two -men on philosophy and philosophers, which made a tremendous -impression on me. I remember that Weiss was an absent-minded man, -with a hasty and abrupt manner of speaking; he had an interesting -and pensive expression which impressed me immensely. I recollect -how, on being accused of a want of clearness in his writing and -style, he justified himself by saying that the deep problems of -the human mind could not in any case be solved by the mob. This -maxim, which struck me as being very plausible, I at once -accepted as the principle for all my future writing. I remember -that my eldest brother Albert, to whom I once had to write for my -mother, grew so disgusted with my letter and style that he said -he thought I must be going mad. - -In spite of my hopes that Weiss's lectures would do me much good, -I was not capable of continuing to attend them, as my desires in -those days drove me to anything but the study of aesthetics. -Nevertheless, my mother's anxiety at this time on my behalf made -me try to take up music again. As Muller, the teacher under whom -I had studied till that time, had not been able to inspire me -with a permanent love of study, it was necessary to discover -whether another teacher might not be better able to induce me to -do serious work. - -Theodor Weinlich, who was choirmaster and musical director at St. -Thomas's Church, held at that time this important and ancient -post which was afterwards occupied by Schicht, and before him by -no less a person than Sebastian Bach. By education he belonged to -the old Italian school of music, and had studied in Bologna under -Pater Martini. He had made a name for himself in this art by his -vocal compositions, in which his fine manner of treating the -parts was much praised. He himself told me one day that a Leipzig -publisher had offered him a very substantial fee if he would -write for his firm another book of vocal exercises similar to the -one which had proved so profitable to his first publisher. -Weinlich told him that he had not got any exercises of the kind -ready at the moment, but offered him instead a new Mass, which -the publisher refused with the words: 'Let him who got the meat -gnaw the bones.' The modesty with which Weinlich told me this -little story showed how excellent a man he was. As he was in a -very bad and weak state of health when my mother introduced me to -him, he at first refused to take me as a pupil. But, after having -resisted all persuasions, he at last took pity on my musical -education, which, as he soon discovered from a fugue which I had -brought with me, was exceedingly faulty. He accordingly promised -to teach me, on condition that I should give up all attempts at -composing for six months, and follow his instructions implicitly. -To the first part of my promise I remained faithful, thanks to -the vast vortex of dissipation into which my life as a student -had drawn me. - -When, however, I had to occupy myself for any length of time with -nothing but four-part harmony exercises in strictly rigorous -style, it was not only the student in me, but also the composer -of so many overtures and sonatas, that was thoroughly disgusted. -Weinlich, too, had his grievances against me, and decided to give -me up. - -During this period I came to the crisis of my life, which led to -the catastrophe of that terrible evening at the gambling den. But -an even greater blow than this fearful experience awaited me when -Weinlich decided not to have anything more to do with me. Deeply -humiliated and miserable, I besought the gentle old man, whom I -loved dearly, to forgive me, and I promised him from that moment -to work with unflagging energy. One morning at seven o'clock -Weinlich sent for me to begin the rough sketch for a fugue; he -devoted the whole morning to me, following my work bar by bar -with the greatest attention, and giving me his valuable advice. -At twelve o'clock he dismissed me with the instruction to perfect -and finish the sketch by filling in the remaining parts at home. - -When I brought him the fugue finished, he handed me his own -treatment of the same theme for comparison. This common task of -fugue writing established between me and my good-natured teacher -the tenderest of ties, for, from that moment, we both enjoyed the -lessons. I was astonished how quickly the time flew. In eight -weeks I had not only gone through a number of the most intricate -fugues, but had also waded through all kinds of difficult -evolutions in counterpoint, when one day, on bringing him an -extremely elaborate double fugue, he took my breath away by -telling me that after this there was nothing left for him to -teach me. - -As I was not aware of any great effort on my part, I often -wondered whether I had really become a well-equipped musician. -Weinlich himself did not seem to attach much importance to what -he had taught me: he said, 'Probably you will never write fugues -or canons; but what you have mastered is Independence: you can -now stand alone and rely upon having a fine technique at your -fingers' ends if you should want it.' - -The principal result of his influence over me was certainly the -growing love of clearness and fluency to which he had trained me. -I had already had to write the above-mentioned fugue for ordinary -voices; my feeling for the melodious and vocal had in this way -been awakened. In order to keep me strictly under his calming and -friendly influence, he had at the same time given me a sonata to -write which, as a proof of my friendship for him, I had to build -up on strictly harmonic and thematic lines, for which he -recommended me a very early and childlike sonata by Pleyel as a -model. - -Those who had only recently heard my Overture must, indeed, have -wondered how I ever wrote this sonata, which has been published -through the indiscretion of Messrs. Breitkopf and Hartel (to -reward me for my abstemiousness, Weinlich induced them to publish -this poor composition). From that moment he gave me a free hand. -To begin with I was allowed to compose a Fantasia for the -pianoforte (in F sharp minor) which I wrote in a quite informal -style by treating the melody in recitative form; this gave me -intense satisfaction because it won me praise from Weinlich. - -Soon afterwards I wrote three overtures which all met with his -entire approval. In the following winter (1831-1832) I succeeded -in getting the first of them, in D minor, performed at one of the -Gewandhaus concerts. - -At that time a very simple and homely tone reigned supreme in -this institution. The instrumental works were not conducted by -what we call 'a conductor of the orchestra,' but were simply -played to the audience by the leader of the orchestra. As soon as -the singing began, Pohlenz took his place at the conductor's -desk; he belonged to the type of fat and pleasant musical -directors, and was a great favourite with the Leipzig public. He -used to come on the platform with a very important-looking blue -baton in his hand. - -One of the strangest events which occurred at that time was the -yearly production of the Ninth Symphony of Beethoven; after the -first three movements had been played straight through like a -Haydn symphony, as well as the orchestra could manage it, -Pohlenz, instead of having to conduct a vocal quartette, a -cantata, or an Italian aria, took his place at the desk to -undertake this highly complicated instrumental work, with its -particularly enigmatical and incoherent opening, one of the most -difficult tasks that could possibly be found for a musical -conductor. I shall never forget the impression produced upon me -at the first rehearsal by the anxiously and carefully played 3/4 -time, and the way in which the wild shrieks of the trumpet (with -which this movement begins) resulted in the most extraordinary -confusion of sound. - -He had evidently chosen this tempo in order, in some way, to -manage the recitative of the double basses; but it was utterly -hopeless. Pohlenz was in a bath of perspiration, the recitative -did not come off, and I really began to think that Beethoven must -have written nonsense; the double bass player, Temmler, a -faithful veteran of the orchestra, prevailed upon Pohlenz at -last, in rather coarse and energetic language, to put down the -baton, and in this way the recitative really proceeded properly. -All the same, I felt at this time that I had come to the humble -conclusion, in a way I can hardly explain, that this -extraordinary work was still beyond my comprehension. For a long -time I gave up brooding over this composition, and I turned my -thoughts with simple longing towards a clearer and calmer musical -form. - -My study of counterpoint had taught me to appreciate, above all, -Mozart's light and flowing treatment of the most difficult -technical problems, and the last movement of his great Symphony -in C major in particular served me as example for my own work. My -D minor Overture, which clearly showed the influence of -Beethoven's Coriolanus Overture, had been favourably received by -the public; my mother began to have faith in me again, and I -started at once on a second overture (in C major), which really -ended with a 'Fugato' that did more credit to my new model than I -had ever hoped to accomplish. - -This overture, also, was soon afterwards performed at a recital -given by the favourite singer, Mlle. Palazzesi (of the Dresden -Italian Opera). Before this I had already introduced it at a -concert given by a private musical society called 'Euterpe', when -I had conducted it myself. - -I remember the strange impression I received from a remark that -my mother made on that occasion; as a matter of fact this work, -which was written in a counterpoint style, without any real -passion or emotion, had produced a strange effect upon her. She -gave vent to her astonishment by warmly praising the Egmont -Overture, which was played at the same concert, maintaining that -'this kind of music was after all more fascinating than any -stupid fugue.' - -At this time I also wrote (as my third opus) an overture to -Raupach's drama, Konig Enzio, in which again Beethoven's -influence made itself even more strongly felt. My sister Rosalie -succeeded in getting it performed at the theatre before the play; -for the sake of prudence they did not announce it on the -programme the first time. Dorn conducted it, and as the -performance went off all right, and the public showed no -dissatisfaction, my overture was played with my full name on the -programme several times during the run of the above-mentioned -drama. - -After this I tried my hand at a big Symphony (in C major); in -this work I showed what I had learnt by using the influence of my -study of Beethoven and Mozart towards the achievement of a really -pleasant and intelligible work, in which the fugue was again -present at the end, while the themes of the various movements -were so constructed that they could be played consecutively. - -Nevertheless, the passionate and bold element of the Sinfonia -Eroica was distinctly discernible, especially in the first -movement. The slow movement, on the contrary, contained -reminiscences of my former musical mysticism. A kind of repeated -interrogative exclamation of the minor third merging into the -fifth connected in my mind this work (which I had finished with -the utmost effort at clearness) with my very earliest period of -boyish sentimentality. - -When, in the following year, I called on Friedrich Rochlitz, at -that time the 'Nestor' of the musical aesthetes in Leipzig, and -president of the Gewandhaus, I prevailed upon him to promise me a -performance of my work. As he had been given my score for perusal -before seeing me, he was quite astonished to find that I was a -very young man, for the character of my music had prepared him to -see a much older and more experienced musician. Before this -performance took place many things happened which I must first -mention, as they were of great importance to my life. - -My short and stormy career as a student had drowned in me not -only all longing for further development, but also all interest -in intellectual and spiritual pursuits. Although, as I have -pointed out, I had never alienated myself entirely from music, my -revived interest in politics aroused my first real disgust for my -senseless student's life, which soon left no deeper traces on my -mind than the remembrance of a terrible nightmare. - -The Polish War of Independence against Russian supremacy filled -me with growing enthusiasm. The victories which the Poles -obtained for a short period during May, 1831, aroused my -enthusiastic admiration: it seemed to me as though the world had, -by some miracle, been created anew. As a contrast to this, the -news of the battle of Ostrolenka made it appear as if the end of -the world had come. To my astonishment, my boon companions -scoffed at me when I commented upon some of these events; the -terrible lack of all fellow-feeling and comradeship amongst the -students struck me very forcibly. Any kind of enthusiasm had to -be smothered or turned into pedantic bravado, which showed itself -in the form of affectation and indifference. To get drunk with -deliberate cold-bloodedness, without even a glimpse of humour, -was reckoned almost as brave a feat as duelling. Not until much -later did I understand the far nobler spirit which animated the -lower classes in Germany in comparison with the sadly degenerate -state of the University students. In those days I felt terribly -indignant at the insulting remarks which I brought upon myself -when I deplored the battle of Ostrolenka. - -To my honour be it said, that these and similar impressions -helped to make me give up my low associates. During my studies -with Weinlich the only little dissipation I allowed myself was my -daily evening visit to Kintschy, the confectioner in the -Klostergasse, where I passionately devoured the latest -newspapers. Here I found many men who held the same political -views as myself, and I specially loved to listen to the eager -political discussions of some of the old men who frequented the -place. The literary journals, too, began to interest me; I read a -great deal, but was not very particular in my choice. -Nevertheless, I now began to appreciate intelligence and wit, -whereas before only the grotesque and the fantastic had had any -attraction for me. - -My interest in the issue of the Polish war, however, remained -paramount. I felt the siege and capture of Warsaw as a personal -calamity. My excitement when the remains of the Polish army began -to pass through Leipzig on their way to France was indescribable, -and I shall never forget the impression produced upon me by the -first batch of these unfortunate soldiers on the occasion of -their being quartered at the Green Shield, a public-house in the -Meat Market. Much as this depressed me, I was soon roused to a -high pitch of enthusiasm, for in the lounge of the Leipzig -Gewandhaus, where that night Beethoven's C minor Symphony was -being played, a group of heroic figures, the principal leaders of -the Polish revolution, excited my admiration. I felt more -particularly attracted by Count Vincenz Tyszkiewitcz, a man of -exceptionally powerful physique and noble appearance, who -impressed me by his dignified and aristocratic manner and his -quiet self-reliance--qualities with which I had not met before. -When I saw a man of such kingly bearing in a tight-fitting coat -and red velvet cap, I at once realised my foolishness in ever -having worshipped the ludicrously dressed up little heroes of our -students' world. I was delighted to meet this gentleman again at -the house of my brother-in-law, Friedrich Brockhaus, where I saw -him frequently. - -My brother-in-law had the greatest pity and sympathy for the -Polish rebels, and was the president of a committee whose task it -was to look after their interests, and for a long time he made -many personal sacrifices for their cause. - -The Brockhaus establishment now became tremendously attractive to -me. Around Count Vincenz Tyszkiewitcz, who remained the lodestar -of this small Polish world, gathered a great many other wealthy -exiles, amongst whom I chiefly remember a cavalry captain of the -name of Bansemer, a man of unlimited kindness, but of a rather -frivolous nature; he possessed a marvellous team of four horses -which he drove at such breakneck speed as to cause great -annoyance to the people of Leipzig. Another man of importance -with whom I remember dining was General Bem, whose artillery had -made such a gallant stand at Ostrolenka. - -Many other exiles passed through this hospitable house, some of -whom impressed us by their melancholy, warlike bearing, others by -their refined behaviour. Vincenz Tyszkiewitcz, however, remained -my ideal of a true man, and I loved him with a profound -adoration. He, too, began to be interested in me; I used to call -upon him nearly every day, and was sometimes present at a sort of -martial feast, from which he often withdrew in order to be able -to open his heart to me about the anxieties which oppressed him. -He had, in fact, received absolutely no news of the whereabouts -of his wife and little son since they separated at Volhynien. -Besides this, he was under the shadow of a great sorrow which -drew all sympathetic natures to him. To my sister Louise he had -confided the terrible calamity that had once befallen him. He had -been married before, and while staying with his wife in one of -his lonely castles, in the dead of night he had seen a ghostly -apparition at the window of his bedroom. Hearing his name called -several times, he had taken up a revolver to protect himself from -possible danger, and had shot his own wife, who had had the -eccentric idea of teasing him by pretending to be a ghost. I had -the pleasure of sharing his joy on hearing that his family was -safe. His wife joined him in Leipzig with their beautiful boy, -Janusz. I felt sorry not to be able to feel the same sympathy for -this lady as I did for her husband; perhaps one of the reasons of -my antipathy was the obvious and conspicuous way in which she -made herself up, by means of which the poor woman probably tried -to hide how much her beauty had suffered through the terrible -strain of the past events. She soon went back to Galicia to try -and save what she could of their property, and also to provide -her husband with a pass from the Austrian Government, by means of -which he could follow her. - -Then came the third of May. Eighteen of the Poles who were still -in Leipzig met together at a festive dinner in a hotel outside -the town; on this day was to be celebrated the first anniversary -of the third of May, so dear to the memory of the Poles. Only the -chiefs of the Leipzig Polish Committee received invitations, and -as a special favour I also was asked. I shall never forget that -occasion. The dinner became an orgy; throughout the evening a -brass band from the town played Polish folksongs, and these were -sung by the whole company, led by a Lithuanian called Zan, in a -manner now triumphant and now mournful. The beautiful 'Third of -May' song more particularly drew forth a positive uproar of -enthusiasm. Tears and shouts of joy grew into a terrible tumult; -the excited men grouped themselves on the grass swearing eternal -friendship in the most extravagant terms, for which the word -'Oiczisna' (Fatherland) provided the principal theme, until at -last night threw her veil over this wild debauch. - -That evening afterwards served me as the theme for an orchestral -composition (in the form of an overture) named Polonia; I shall -recount the fate of this work later on. My friend Tyszkiewitcz's -passport now arrived, and he made up his mind to go back to -Galicia via Brunn, although his friends considered it was very -rash of him to do so. I very much wanted to see something of the -world, and Tyszkiewitcz's offer to take me with him, induced my -mother to consent to my going to Vienna, a place that I had long -wished to visit. I took with me the scores of my three overtures -which had already been performed, and also that of my great -symphony as yet unproduced, and had a grand time with my Polish -patron, who took me in his luxurious travelling-coach as far as -the capital of Moravia. During a short stop at Dresden the exiles -of all classes gave our beloved Count a friendly farewell dinner -in Pirna, at which the champagne flowed freely, while the health -was drunk of the future 'Dictator of Poland.' - -At last we separated at Brunn, from which place I continued my -journey to Vienna by coach. During the afternoon and night, which -I was obliged to spend in Brunn by myself, I went through -terrible agonies from fear of the cholera which, as I -unexpectedly heard, had broken out in this place. There I was all -alone in a strange place, my faithful friend just departed, and -on hearing of the epidemic I felt as if a malicious demon had -caught me in his snare in order to annihilate me. I did not -betray my terror to the people in the hotel, but when I was shown -into a very lonely wing of the house and left by myself in this -wilderness, I hid myself in bed with my clothes on, and lived -once again through all the horrors of ghost stories as I had done -in my boyhood. The cholera stood before me like a living thing; I -could see and touch it; it lay in my bed and embraced me. My -limbs turned to ice, I felt frozen to the very marrow. Whether I -was awake or asleep I never knew; I only remember how astonished -I was when, on awakening, I felt thoroughly well and healthy. - -At last I arrived in Vienna, where I escaped the epidemic which -had penetrated as far as that town. It was midsummer of the year -1832. Owing to the introductions I had with me, I found myself -very much at home in this lively city, in which I made a pleasant -stay of six weeks. As my sojourn, however, had no really -practical purpose, my mother looked upon the cost of this -holiday, short as it seemed, as an unnecessary extravagance on my -part. I visited the theatres, heard Strauss, made excursions, and -altogether had a very good time. I am afraid I contracted a few -debts as well, which I paid off later on when I was conductor of -the Dresden orchestra. I had received very pleasant impressions -of musical and theatrical life, and for a long time Vienna lived -in my memory as the acme of that extraordinarily productive -spirit peculiar to its people. I enjoyed most of all the -performances at the Theater an der Wien, at which they were -acting a grotesque fairy play called Die Abenteuer Fortunat's zu -Wasser und zu Land, in which a cab was called on the shores of -the Black Sea and which made a tremendous impression on me. About -the music I was more doubtful. A young friend of mine took me -with immense pride to a performance of Gluck's Iphigenia in -Tauris, which was made doubly attractive by a first-rate cast -including Wild, Staudigl and Binder: I must confess that on the -whole I was bored by this work, but I did not dare say so. My -ideas of Gluck had attained gigantic proportions from my reading -of Hoffmann's well-known Phantasies; my anticipation of this work -therefore, which I had not studied yet, had led me to expect a -treatment full of overpowering dramatic force. It is possible -that Schroder-Devrient's acting in Fidelio had taught me to judge -everything by her exalted standard. - -With the greatest trouble I worked myself up to some kind of -enthusiasm for the great scene between Orestes and the Furies. I -hoped against hope that I should be able to admire the remainder -of the opera. I began to understand the Viennese taste, however, -when I saw how great a favourite the opera Zampa became with the -public, both at the Karnthner Thor and at the Josephstadt. Both -theatres competed vigorously in the production of this popular -work, and although the public had seemed mad about Iphigenia, -nothing equalled their enthusiasm for Zampa. No sooner had they -left the Josephstadt Theatre in the greatest ecstasies about -Zampa than they proceeded to the public-house called the -Strausslein. Here they were immediately greeted by the strains of -selections from Zampa which drove the audience to feverish -excitement. I shall never forget the extraordinary playing of -Johann Strauss, who put equal enthusiasm into everything he -played, and very often made the audience almost frantic with -delight. - -At the beginning of a new waltz this demon of the Viennese -musical spirit shook like a Pythian priestess on the tripod, and -veritable groans of ecstasy (which, without doubt, were more due -to his music than to the drinks in which the audience had -indulged) raised their worship for the magic violinist to almost -bewildering heights of frenzy. - -The hot summer air of Vienna was absolutely impregnated with -Zampa and Strauss. A very poor students' rehearsal at the -Conservatoire, at which they performed a Mass by Cherubini, -seemed to me like an alms paid begrudgingly to the study of -classical music. At the same rehearsal one of the professors, to -whom I was introduced, tried to make the students play my -Overture in D minor (the one already performed in Leipzig). I do -not know what his opinion was, nor that of the students, with -regard to this attempt; I only know they soon gave it up. - -On the whole I had wandered into doubtful musical bypaths; and I -now withdrew from this first educational visit to a great -European art centre in order to start on a cheap, but long and -monotonous return journey to Bohemia, by stage-coach. My next -move was a visit to the house of Count Pachta, of whom I had -pleasant recollections from my boyhood days. His estate, -Pravonin, was about eight miles from Prague. Received in the -kindest possible way by the old gentleman and his beautiful -daughters, I enjoyed his delightful hospitality until late into -the autumn. A youth of nineteen, as I then was, with a fast- -growing beard (for which my sisters had already prepared the -young ladies by letter), the continual and close intimacy with -such kind and pretty girls could hardly fail to make a strong -impression on my imagination. Jenny, the elder of the two, was -slim, with black hair, blue eyes, and wonderfully noble features; -the younger one, Auguste, was a little smaller, and stouter, with -a magnificent complexion, fair hair, and brown eyes. The natural -and sisterly manner with which both girls treated me and -conversed with me did not blind me to the fact that I was -expected to fall in love with one or the other of them. It amused -them to see how embarrassed I got in my efforts to choose between -them, and consequently they teased me tremendously. - -Unfortunately, I did not act judiciously with regard to the -daughters of my host: in spite of their homely education, they -belonged to a very aristocratic house, and consequently hesitated -between the hope of marrying men of eminent position in their own -sphere, and the necessity of choosing husbands amongst the higher -middle classes, who could afford to keep them in comfort. The -shockingly poor, almost mediaeval, education of the Austrian so- -called cavalier, made me rather despise the latter; the girls, -too, had suffered from the same lack of proper training. I soon -noticed with disgust how little they knew about things artistic, -and how much value they attached to superficial things. However -much I might try to interest them in those higher pursuits which -had become necessary to me, they were incapable of appreciating -them. I advocated a complete change from the bad library novels, -which represented their only reading, from the Italian operatic -arias, sung by Auguste, and, last but not least, from the horsy, -insipid cavaliers, who paid their court to both Jenny and her -sister in the most coarse and offensive manner. My zeal in this -latter respect soon gave rise to great unpleasantness. I became -hard and insulting, harangued them about the French Revolution, -and begged them with fatherly admonitions 'for the love of -heaven' to be content with well-educated middle-class men, and -give up those impertinent suitors who could only harm their -reputation. The indignation provoked by my friendly advice I -often had to ward off with the harshest retorts. I never -apologised, but tried by dint of real or feigned jealousy to get -our friendship back on the old footing. In this way, undecided, -half in love and half angry, one cold November day I said good- -bye to these pretty children. I soon met the whole family again -at Prague, where I made a long sojourn, without, however, staying -at the Count's residence. - -My stay at Prague was to be of great musical importance to me. I -knew the director of the Conservatoire, Dionys Weber, who -promised to bring my symphony before the public; I also spent -much of my time with an actor called Moritz, to whom, as an old -friend of our family, I had been recommended, and there I made -the acquaintance of the young musician Kittl. - -Moritz, who noticed that not a day passed but what I went to the -much-feared chief of the Conservatoire upon some pressing musical -business, once despatched me with an improvised parody on -Schiller's Burgschaft:-- - - Zu Dionys dem Direktor schlich - Wagner, die Partitur im Gewande; - Ihn schlugen die Schuler im Bande: - 'Was wolltest du mit den Noten sprich?' - Entgegnet ihm finster der Wutherich: - 'Die Stadt vom schlechten Geschmacke befreien! - Das sollst du in den Rezensionen bereuen.' - - [Footnote: To Dionys, the Director, - crept Wagner, the score in his pocket; - The students arrested him forthwith: - 'What do'st thou with that music, say?' - Thus asked him the angry tyrant: - 'To free the town from taste too vile! - For this the critics will make thee suffer.' ] - -Truly I had to deal with a kind of 'Dionysius the Tyrant.' A man -who did not acknowledge Beethoven's genius beyond his Second -Symphony, a man who looked upon the Eroica as the acme of bad -taste on the master's part; who praised Mozart alone, and next to -him tolerated only Lindpaintner: such a man was not easy to -approach, and I had to learn the art of making use of tyrants for -one's own purposes. I dissimulated; I pretended to be struck by -the novelty of his ideas, never contradicted him, and, to point -out the similarity of our standpoints, I referred him to the end -fugue in my Overture and in my Symphony (both in C major), which -I had only succeeded in making what they were through having -studied Mozart. My reward soon followed: Dionys set to work to -study my orchestral creations with almost youthful energy. - - - - - -The students of the Conservatoire were compelled to practise with -the greatest exactitude my new symphony under his dry and -terribly noisy baton. In the presence of several of my friends, -amongst whom was also the dear old Count Pachta in his capacity -of President of the Conservatoire Committee, we actually held a -first performance of the greatest work that I had written up to -that date. - -During these musical successes I went on with my love-making in -the attractive house of Count Pachta, under the most curious -circumstances. A confectioner of the name of Hascha was my rival. -He was a tall, lanky young man who, like most Bohemians, had -taken up music as a hobby; he played the accompaniments to -Auguste's songs, and naturally fell in love with her. Like -myself, he hated the frequent visits of the cavaliers, which -seemed to be quite the custom in this city; but while my -displeasure expressed itself in humour, his showed itself in -gloomy melancholy. This mood made him behave boorishly in public: -for instance, one evening, when the chandelier was to be lighted -for the reception of one of these gentlemen, he ran his head -purposely against this ornament and broke it. The festive -illumination was thus rendered impossible; the Countess was -furious, and Hascha had to leave the house never to return. - -I well remember that the first time I was conscious of any -feelings of love, these manifested themselves as pangs of -jealousy, which had, however, nothing to do with real love: this -happened one evening when I called at the house. The Countess -kept me by her side in an ante-room, while the girls, beautifully -dressed and gay, flirted in the reception-room with those hateful -young noblemen. All I had ever read in Hoffmann's Tales of -certain demoniacal intrigues, which until that moment had been -obscure to me, now became really tangible facts, and I left -Prague with an obviously unjust and exaggerated opinion of those -things and those people, through whom I had suddenly been dragged -into an unknown world of elementary passions. - -On the other hand I had gained by my stay at Pravonin: I had -written poetry as well as musical compositions. My musical work -was a setting of Glockentone, a poem by the friend of my youth, -Theodor Apel. I had already written an aria for soprano which had -been performed the winter before at one of the theatre concerts. -But my new work was decidedly the first vocal piece I had written -with real inspiration; generally speaking, I suppose it owed its' -characteristics to the influence of Beethoven's Liederkreis: all -the same, the impression that it has left on my mind is that it -was absolutely part of myself, and pervaded by a delicate -sentimentality which was brought into relief by the dreaminess of -the accompaniment. My poetical efforts lay in the direction of a -sketch of a tragi-operatic subject, which I finished in its -entirety in Prague under the title of Die Hochzeit ('The -Wedding'). I wrote it without anybody's knowledge, and this was -no easy matter, seeing that I could not write in my chilly little -hotel-room, and had therefore to go to the house of Moritz, where -I generally spent my mornings. I remember how I used quickly to -hide my manuscript behind the sofa as soon as I heard my host's -footsteps. - -An extraordinary episode was connected with the plot of this -work. - -Already years ago I had come across a tragic story, whilst -perusing Busching's book on chivalry, the like of which I have -never since read. A lady of noble birth had been assaulted one -night by a man who secretly cherished a passionate love for her, -and in the struggle to defend her honour superhuman strength was -given her to fling him into the courtyard below. The mystery of -his death remained unexplained until the day of his solemn -obsequies, when the lady herself, who attended them and was -kneeling in solemn prayer, suddenly fell forward and expired. The -mysterious strength of this profound and passionate story made an -indelible impression upon my mind. Fascinated, moreover, by the -peculiar treatment of similar phenomena in Hoffmann's Tales, I -sketched a novel in which musical mysticism, which I still loved -so deeply, played an important part. The action was supposed to -take place on the estate of a rich patron of the fine arts: a -young couple was going to be married, and had invited the friend -of the bride-groom, an interesting but melancholy and mysterious -young man, to their wedding. Intimately connected with the whole -affair was a strange old organist. The mystic relations which -gradually developed between the old musician, the melancholy -young man and the bride, were to grow out of the unravelment of -certain intricate events, in a somewhat similar manner to that of -the mediaeval story above related. Here was the same idea: the -young man mysteriously killed, the equally strange sudden death -of his friend's bride, and the old organist found dead on his -bench after the playing of an impressive requiem, the last chord -of which was inordinately prolonged as if it never would end. - -I never finished this novel: but as I wanted to write the -libretto for an opera, I took up the theme again in its original -shape, and built on this (as far as the principal features went) -the following dramatic plot:-- - -Two great houses had lived in enmity, and had at last decided to -end the family feud. The aged head of one of these houses invited -the son of his former enemy to the wedding of his daughter with -one of his faithful partisans. The wedding feast is thus used as -an opportunity for reconciling the two families. Whilst the -guests are full of the suspicion and fear of treachery, their -young leader falls violently in love with the bride of his newly -found ally. His tragic glance deeply affects her; the festive -escort accompanies her to the bridal chamber, where she is to -await her beloved; leaning against her tower-window she sees the -same passionate eyes fixed on her, and realises that she is face -to face with a tragedy. - -When he penetrates into her chamber, and embraces her with -frantic passion, she pushes him backwards towards the balcony, -and throws him over the parapet into the abyss, from whence his -mutilated remains are dragged by his companions. They at once arm -themselves against the presumed treachery, and call for -vengeance; tumult and confusion fill the courtyard: the -interrupted wedding feast threatens to end in a night of -slaughter. The venerable head of the house at last succeeds in -averting the catastrophe. Messengers are sent to bear the tidings -of the mysterious calamity to the relatives of the victim: the -corpse itself shall be the medium of reconciliation, for, in the -presence of the different generations of the suspected family, -Providence itself shall decide which of its members has been -guilty of treason. During the preparations for the obsequies the -bride shows signs of approaching madness; she flies from her -bridegroom, refuses to be united to him, and locks herself up in -her tower-chamber. Only when, at night, the gloomy though -gorgeous ceremony commences, does she appear at the head of her -women to be present at the burial service, the gruesome solemnity -of which is interrupted by the news of the approach of hostile -forces and then by the armed attack of the kinsmen of the -murdered man. When the avengers of the presumed treachery -penetrate into the chapel and call upon the murderer to declare -himself, the horrified lord of the manor points towards his -daughter who, turning away from her bridegroom, falls lifeless by -the coffin of her victim. This nocturnal drama, through which ran -reminiscences of Leubald und Adelaide (the work of my far-off -boyhood), I wrote in the darkest vein, but in a more polished and -more noble style, disdaining all light-effects, and especially -all operatic embellishments. Tender passages occurred here and -there all the same, and Weinlich, to whom I had already shown the -beginning of my work on my return to Leipzig, praised me for the -clearness and good vocal quality of the introduction I had -composed to the first act; this was an Adagio for a vocal -septette, in which I had tried to express the reconciliation of -the hostile families, together with the emotions of the wedded -couple and the sinister passion of the secret lover. My principal -object was, all the same, to win my sister Rosalie's approval. My -poem, however, did not find favour in her eyes: she missed all -that which I had purposely avoided, insisted on the ornamentation -and development of the simple situation, and desired more -brightness generally. I made up my mind in an instant: I took the -manuscript, and without a suggestion of ill-temper, destroyed it -there and then. This action had nothing whatever to do with -wounded vanity. It was prompted merely by my desire honestly to -prove to my sister how little I thought of my own work and how -much I cared for her opinion. She was held in great and loving -esteem by my mother and by the rest of our family, for she was -their principal breadwinner: the important salary she earned as -an actress constituted nearly the whole income out of which my -mother had to defray the household expenses. For the sake of her -profession she enjoyed many advantages at home. Her part of the -house had been specially arranged so that she should have all the -necessary comfort and peace for her studies; on marketing days, -when the others had to put up with the simplest fare, she had to -have the same dainty food as usual. But more than any of these -things did her charming gravity and her refined way of speaking -place her above the younger children. She was thoughtful and -gentle and never joined us in our rather loud conversation. Of -course, I had been the one member of the family who had caused -the greatest anxieties both to my mother and to my motherly -sister, and during my life as a student the strained relations -between us had made a terrible impression on me. When therefore -they tried to believe in me again, and once more showed some -interest in my work, I was full of gratitude and happiness. The -thought of getting this sister to look kindly upon my -aspirations, and even to expect great things of me, had become a -special stimulus to my ambition. Under these circumstances a -tender and almost sentimental relationship grew up between -Rosalie and myself, which in its purity and sincerity could vie -with the noblest form of friendship between man and woman. This -was principally due to her exceptional individuality. She had not -any real talent, at least not for acting, which had often been -considered stagey and unnatural. Nevertheless she was much -appreciated owing to her charming appearance as well as to her -pure and dignified womanliness, and I remember many tokens of -esteem which she received in those days. All the same, none of -these advances ever seemed to lead to the prospect of a marriage, -and year by year went by without bringing her hopes of a suitable -match--a fact which to me appeared quite unaccountable. From time -to time I thought I noticed that Rosalie suffered from this state -of affairs. I remember one evening when, believing herself to be -alone, I heard her sobbing and moaning; I stole away unnoticed, -but her grief made such an impression upon me that from that -moment I vowed to bring some joy into her life, principally by -making a name for myself. Not without reason had our stepfather -Geyer given my gentle sister the nickname of 'Geistchen' (little -spirit), for if her talent as an actress was not great, her -imagination and her love of art and of all high and noble things -were perhaps, on that account alone, all the greater. From her -lips I had first heard expressions of admiration and delight -concerning those subjects which became dear to me later on, and -she moved amongst a circle of serious and interesting people who -loved the higher things of life without this attitude ever -degenerating into affectation. - -On my return from my long journey I was introduced to Heinrich -Laube, whom my sister had added to her list of intimate friends. -It was at the time when the after-effects of the July revolution -were beginning to make themselves felt amongst the younger men of -intellect in Germany, and of these Laube was one of the most -conspicuous. As a young man he came from Silesia to Leipzig, his -principal object being to try and form connections in this -publishing centre which might be of use to him in Paris, whither -he was going, and from which place Borne also made a sensation -amongst us by his letters. On this occasion Laube was present at -a representation of a play by Ludwig Robert, Die Macht der -Verhallnisse ('The Power of Circumstances'). This induced him to -write a criticism for the Leipzig Tageblatt, which made such a -sensation through its terse and lively style that he was at once -offered, in addition to other literary work, the post of editor -of Die elegante Welt. In our house he was looked upon as a -genius; his curt and often biting manner of speaking, which -seemed to exclude all attempt at poetic expression, made him -appear both original and daring: his sense of justice, his -sincerity and fearless bluntness made one respect his character, -hardened as it had been in youth by great adversity. On me he had -a very inspiring effect, and I was very much astonished to find -that he thought so much of me as to write a flattering notice -about my talent in his paper after hearing the first performance -of my symphony. - -This performance took place in the beginning of the year 1833 at -the Leipzig Schneider-Herberge. It was, by the bye, in this -dignified old hall that the society 'Euterpe' held its concerts! -The place was dirty, narrow, and poorly lighted, and it was here -that my work was introduced to the Leipzig public for the first -time, and by means of an orchestra that interpreted it simply -disgracefully. I can only think of that evening as a gruesome -nightmare; and my astonishment was therefore all the greater at -seeing the important notice which Laube wrote about the -performance. Full of hope, I therefore looked forward to a -performance of the same work at the Gewandhaus concert, which -followed soon after, and which came off brilliantly in every way. -It was well received and well spoken of in all the papers; of -real malice there was not a trace--on the contrary, several -notices wore encouraging, and Laube, who had quickly become -celebrated, confided to me that he was going to offer me a -libretto for an opera, which he had first written for Meyerbeer. -This staggered me somewhat, for I was not in the least prepared -to pose as a poet, and my only idea was to write a real plot for -an opera. As to the precise manner, however, in which such a book -had to be written, I already had a very definite and instinctive -notion, and I was strengthened in the certainty of my own -feelings in the matter when Laube now explained the nature of his -plot to me. He told me that he wanted to arrange nothing less -than Kosziusko into a libretto for grand opera! Once again I had -qualms, for I felt at once that Laube had a mistaken idea about -the character of a dramatic subject. When I inquired into the -real action of the play, Laube was astonished that I should -expect more than the story of the Polish hero, whose life was -crowded with incident; in any case, he thought there was quite -sufficient action in it to describe the unhappy fate of a whole -nation. Of course the usual heroine was not missing; she was a -Polish girl who had a love affair with a Russian; and in this way -some sentimental situations were also to be found in the plot. -Without a moment's delay I assured my sister Rosalie that I would -not set this story to music: she agreed with me, and begged me -only to postpone my answer to Laube. My journey to Wurzburg was -of great help to me in this respect, for it was easier to write -my decision to Laube than to announce it to him personally. He -accepted the slight rebuff with good grace, but he never forgave -me, either then or afterwards, for writing my own words! - -When he heard what subject I had preferred to his brilliant -political poem, he made no effort to conceal his contempt for my -choice. I had borrowed the plot from a dramatic fairy tale by -Gozzi, La Donna Serpente, and called it Die Feen ('The Fairies'). -The names of my heroes I chose from different Ossian and similar -poems: my prince was called Arindal; he was loved by a fairy -called Ada, who held him under her spell and kept him in -fairyland, away from his realm, until his faithful friends at -last found him and induced him to return, for his country was -going to rack and ruin, and even its capital had fallen into the -enemy's hands. The loving fairy herself sends the prince back to -his country; for the oracle has decreed that she shall lay upon -her lover the severest of tasks. Only by performing this task -triumphantly can he make it possible for her to leave the -immortal world of fairies in order to share the fate of her -earthly lover, as his wife. In a moment of deepest despair about -the state of his country, the fairy queen appears to him and -purposely destroys his faith in her by deeds of the most cruel -and inexplicable nature. Driven mad by a thousand fears, Arindal -begins to imagine that all the time he has been dealing with a -wicked sorceress, and tries to escape the fatal spell by -pronouncing a curse upon Ada. Wild with sorrow, the unhappy fairy -sinks down, and reveals their mutual fate to the lover, now lost -to her for ever, and tells him that, as a punishment for having -disobeyed the decree of Fate, she is doomed to be turned into -stone (in Gozzi's version she becomes a serpent). Immediately -afterwards it appears that all the catastrophes which the fairy -had prophesied were but deceptions: victory over the enemy as -well as the growing prosperity and welfare of the kingdom now -follow in quick succession: Ada is taken away by the Fates, and -Arindal, a raving madman, remains behind alone. The terrible -sufferings of his madness do not, however, satisfy the Fates: to -bring about his utter ruin they appear before the repentant man -and invite him to follow them to the nether world, on the pretext -of enabling him to free Ada from the spell. Through the -treacherous promises of the wicked fairies Arindal's madness -grows into sublime exaltation; and one of his household -magicians, a faithful friend, having in the meantime equipped him -with magic weapons and charms, he now follows the traitresses. -The latter cannot get over their astonishment when they see how -Arindal overcomes one after the other of the monsters of the -infernal regions: only when they arrive at the vault in which -they show him the stone in human shape do they recover their hope -of vanquishing the valiant prince, for, unless he can break the -charm which binds Ada, he must share her fate and be doomed to -remain a stone for ever. Arindal, who until then has been using -the dagger and the shield given him by the friendly magician, now -makes use of an instrument--a lyre--which he has brought with -him, and the meaning of which he had not yet understood. To the -sounds of this instrument he now expresses his plaintive moans, -his remorse, and his overpowering longing for his enchanted -queen. The stone is moved by the magic of his love: the beloved -one is released. Fairyland with all its marvels opens its -portals, and the mortal learns that, owing to his former -inconstancy, Ada has lost the right to become his wife on earth, -but that her beloved, through his great and magic power, has -earned the right to live for ever by her side in fairyland. - -Although I had written Die Hochzeit in the darkest vein, without -operatic embellishments, I painted this subject with the utmost -colour and variety. In contrast to the lovers out of fairyland I -depicted a more ordinary couple, and I even introduced a third -pair that belonged to the coarser and more comical servant world. -I purposely went to no pains in the matter of the poetic diction -and the verse. My idea was not to encourage my former hopes of -making a name as a poet; I was now really a 'musician' and a -'composer,' and wished to write a decent opera libretto simply -because I was sure that nobody else could write one for me; the -reason being that such a book is something quite unique and -cannot be written either by a poet or by a mere man of letters. -With the intention of setting this libretto to music, I left -Leipzig in January, 1833, to stay in Wurzburg with my eldest -brother Albert, who at the time held an appointment at the -theatre. It now seemed necessary for me to begin to apply my -musical knowledge to a practical purpose, and to this end my -brother had promised to help me in getting some kind of post at -the small Wurzburg theatre. I travelled by post to Bamberg via -Hof, and in Bamberg I stayed a few days in the company of a young -man called Schunke, who from a player on the horn had become an -actor. With the greatest interest I learned the story of Caspar -Hauser, who at that time was very well known, and who (if I am -not mistaken) was pointed out to me. In addition to this, I -admired the peculiar costumes of the market-women, thought with -much interest of Hoffmann's stay at this place, and of how it had -led to the writing of his Tales, and resumed my journey (to -Wurzburg) with a man called Hauderer, and suffered miserably from -the cold all the way. - -My brother Albert, who was almost a new acquaintance to me, did -his best to make me feel at home in his not over luxurious -establishment. He was pleased to find me less mad than he had -expected me to be from a certain letter with which I had -succeeded in frightening him some time previously, and he really -managed to procure me an exceptional occupation as choir-master -at the theatre, for which I received the monthly fee of ten -guilders. The remainder of the winter was devoted to the serious -study of the duties required of a musical director: in a very -short time I had to tackle two new grand operas, namely, -Marschner's Vampir and Meyerbeer's Robert der Teufel, in both of -which the chorus played a considerable part. At first I felt -absolutely like a beginner, and had to start on Camilla von Paer, -the score of which was utterly unknown to me. I still remember -that I felt I was doing a thing which I had no right to -undertake: I felt quite an amateur at the work. Soon, however, -Marschner's score interested me sufficiently to make the labour -seem worth my while. The score of Robert was a great -disappointment to me: from the newspapers I had expected plenty -of originality and novelty; I could find no trace of either in -this transparent work, and an opera with a finale like that of -the second act could not be named in the same breath with any of -my favourite works. The only thing that impressed me was the -unearthly keyed trumpet which, in the last act, represented the -voice of the mother's ghost. - -It was remarkable to observe the aesthetic demoralisation into -which I now fell through having daily to deal with such a work. I -gradually lost my dislike for this shallow and exceedingly -uninteresting composition (a dislike I shared with many German -musicians) in the growing interest which I was compelled to take -in its interpretation; and thus it happened that the insipidness -and affectation of the commonplace melodies ceased to concern me -save from the standpoint of their capability of eliciting applause -or the reverse. As, moreover, my future career as musical -conductor was at stake, my brother, who was very anxious on my -behalf, looked favourably on this lack of classical obstinacy on -my part, and thus the ground was gradually prepared for that -decline in my classical taste which was destined to last some -considerable time. - -All the same, this did not occur before I had given some proof of -my great inexperience in the lighter style of writing. My brother -wanted to introduce a 'Cavatine' from the Piraten, by Bellini, -into the same composer's opera, Straniera; the score was not to -be had, and he entrusted me with the instrumentation of this -work. From the piano score alone I could not possibly detect the -heavy and noisy instrumentation of the ritornelles and intermezzi -which, musically, were so very thin; the composer of a great C -major Symphony with an end fugue could only help himself out of -the difficulty by the use of a few flutes and clarinets playing -in thirds. At the rehearsal the 'Cavatine' sounded so frightfully -thin and shallow that my brother made me serious reproaches about -the waste of copying expenses. But I had my revenge: to the tenor -aria of 'Aubry' in Marschner's Vampir I added an Allegro, for -which I also wrote the words. - -My work succeeded splendidly, and earned the praise of both the -public and my brother. In a similar German style I wrote the -music to my Feen in the course of the year 1833. My brother and -his wife left Wurzburg after Easter in order to avail themselves -of several invitations at friends' houses; I stayed behind with -the children--three little girls of tender years--which placed me -in the extraordinary position of a responsible guardian, a post -for which I was not in the least suited at that time of my life. -My time was divided between my work and pleasure, and in -consequence I neglected my charges. Amongst the friends I made -there, Alexander Muller had much influence over me; he was a good -musician and pianist, and I used to listen for hours to his -improvisations on given themes--an accomplishment in which he so -greatly excelled, that I could not fail to be impressed. With him -and some other friends, amongst whom was also Valentin Hamm, I -often made excursions in the neighbourhood, on which occasions -the Bavarian beer and the Frankish wine were wont to fly. -Valentin Hamm was a grotesque individual, who entertained us -often with his excellent violin playing; he had an enormous -stretch on the piano, for he could reach an interval of a -twelfth. Der Letzte Hieb, a public beer-garden situated on a -pleasant height, was a daily witness of my fits of wild and often -enthusiastic boisterousness; never once during those mild summer -nights did I return to my charges without having waxed -enthusiastic over art and the world in general. I also remember a -wicked trick which has always remained a blot in my memory. -Amongst my friends was a fair and very enthusiastic Swabian -called Frohlich, with whom I had exchanged my score of the C -minor Symphony for his, which he had copied out with his own -hand. This very gentle, but rather irritable young man had taken -such a violent dislike to one Andre, whose malicious face I also -detested, that he declared that this person spoilt his evenings -for him, merely by being in the same room with him. The -unfortunate object of his hatred tried all the same to meet us -whenever he could: friction ensued, but Andre would insist upon -aggravating us. One evening Frohlich lost patience. After some -insulting retort, he tried to chase him from our table by -striking him with a stick: the result was a fight in which -Frolich's friends felt they must take part, though they all -seemed to do so with some reluctance. A mad longing to join the -fray also took possession of me. With the others I helped in -knocking our poor victim about, and I even heard the sound of one -terrible blow which I struck Andre on the head, whilst he fixed -his eyes on me in bewilderment. - -I relate this incident to atone for a sin which has weighed very -heavily on my conscience ever since. I can compare this sad -experience only with one out of my earliest boyhood days, namely -the drowning of some puppies in a shallow pool behind my uncle's -house in Eisleben. Even to this day I cannot think of the slow -death of these poor little creatures without horror. I have never -quite forgotten some of my thoughtless and reckless actions; for -the sorrows of others, and in particular those of animals, have -always affected me deeply to the extent of filling me with a -disgust of life. - -My first love affair stands out in strong contrast against these -recollections. It was only natural that one of the young chorus -ladies with whom I had to practise daily should know how to -attract my attentions. Therese Ringelmann, the daughter of a -grave-digger, thanks to her beautiful soprano voice, led me to -believe that I could make a great singer of her. After I told her -of this ambitious scheme, she paid much attention to her -appearance, and dressed elegantly for the rehearsals, and a row -of white pearls which she wound through her hair specially -fascinated me. During the summer holidays I gave Therese regular -lessons in singing, according to a method which has always -remained a mystery to me ever since. I also called on her very -often at her house, where, fortunately, I never met her -unpleasant father, but always her mother and her sisters. We also -met in the public gardens, but false vanity always kept me from -telling my friends of our relations. I do not know whether the -fault lay with her lowly birth, her lack of education, or my own -doubt about the sincerity of my affections; but in any case when, -in addition to the fact that I had my reasons for being jealous, -they also tried to urge me to a formal engagement, this love -affair came quietly to an end. - -An infinitely more genuine affair was my love for Friederike -Galvani, the daughter of a mechanic, who was undoubtedly of -Italian origin. She was very musical, and had a lovely voice; my -brother had patronised her and helped her to a debut at his -theatre, which test she stood brilliantly. She was rather small, -but had large dark eyes and a sweet disposition. The first oboist -of the orchestra, a good fellow as well as a clever musician, was -thoroughly devoted to her. He was looked upon as her fiance, but, -owing to some incident in his past, he was not allowed to visit -at her parents' house, and the marriage was not to take place for -a long time yet. When the autumn of my year in Wurzburg drew -near, I received an invitation from friends to be present at a -country wedding at a little distance from Wurzburg; the oboist -and his fiancee had also been invited. It was a jolly, though -primitive affair; we drank and danced, and I even tried my hand -at violin playing, but I must have forgotten it badly, for even -with the second violin I could not manage to satisfy the other -musicians. But my success with Friederike was all the greater; we -danced like mad through the many couples of peasants until at one -moment we got so excited that, losing all self-control, we -embraced each other while her real lover was playing the dance -music. For the first time in my life I began to feel a flattering -sensation of self-respect when Friederike's fiance, on seeing how -we two flirted, accepted the situation with good grace, if not -without some sadness. I had never had the chance of thinking that -I could make a favourable impression on any young girl. I never -imagined myself good-looking, neither had I ever thought it -possible that I could attract the attention of pretty girls. - -On the other hand, I had gradually acquired a certain self- -reliance in mixing with men of my own age. Owing to the -exceptional vivacity and innate susceptibility of my nature-- -qualities which were brought home to me in my relations with -members of my circle--I gradually became conscious of a certain -power of transporting or bewildering my more indolent companions. - -From my poor oboist's silent self-control on becoming aware of -the ardent advances of his betrothed towards me, I acquired, as I -have said, the first suggestion of the fact that I might count -for something, not only among men, but also among women. The -Frankish wine helped to bring about a state of ever greater -confusion, and under the cover of its influence I at length -declared myself, quite openly, to be Friederike's lover. Ever so -far into the night, in fact, when day was already breaking, we -set off home together to Wurzburg in an open wagon. This was the -crowning triumph of my delightful adventure; for while all the -others, including, in the end, the jealous oboist, slept off -their debauch in the face of the dawning day, I, with my cheek -against Friederike's, and listening to the warbling of the larks, -watched the coming of the rising sun. - -On the following day we had scarcely any idea of what had -happened. A certain sense of shame, which was not unbecoming, -held us aloof from one another: and yet I easily won access to -Friederike's family, and from that time forward was daily a -welcome guest, when for some hours I would linger in unconcealed -intimate intercourse with the same domestic circle from which the -unhappy betrothed remained excluded. No word was ever mentioned -of this last connection; never once did it even dawn upon -Friederike to effect any change in the state of affairs, and it -seemed to strike no one that I ought, so to speak, to take the -fiance's place. The confiding manner in which I was received by -all, and especially by the girl herself, was exactly similar to -one of Nature's great processes, as, for instance, when spring -steps in and winter passes silently away. Not one of them ever -considered the material consequences of the change, and this is -precisely the most charming and flattering feature of this first -youthful love affair, which was never to degenerate into an -attitude which might give rise to suspicion or concern. These -relations ended only with my departure from Wurzburg, which was -marked by the most touching and most tearful leavetaking. - -For some time, although I kept up no correspondence, the memory -of this episode remained firmly imprinted on my mind. Two years -later, while making a rapid journey through the old district, I -once more visited Friederike: the poor child approached me -utterly shamefaced. Her oboist was still her lover, and though -his position rendered marriage impossible, the unfortunate young -woman had become a mother. I have heard nothing more of her -since. - -Amid all this traffic of love I worked hard at my opera, and, -thanks to the loving sympathy of my sister Rosalie, I was able to -find the necessary good spirits for the task. When at the -commencement of the summer my earnings as a conductor came to an -end, this same sister again made it her business loyally to -provide me with ample pocket-money, so that I might devote myself -solely to the completion of my work, without troubling about -anything or being a burden to any one. At a much later date I -came across a letter of mine written to Rosalie in those days, -which were full of a tender, almost adoring love for that noble -creature. - -When the winter was at hand my brother returned, and the theatre -reopened. Truth to tell, I did not again become connected with -it, but acquired a position, which was even more prominent, in -the concerts of the Musical Society in which I produced my great -overture in C major, my symphony, and eventually portions of my -new opera as well. An amateur with a splendid voice, Mademoiselle -Friedel, sang the great aria from Ada. In addition to this, a -trio was given which, in one of its passages, had such a moving -effect upon my brother, who took part in it, that, to his -astonishment, as he himself admitted, he completely lost his cue -on account of it. - -By Christmas my work had come to an end, my score was written out -complete with the most laudable neatness, and now I was to return -to Leipzig for the New Year, in order to get my opera accepted by -the theatre there. On the way home I visited Nuremberg, where I -stayed a week with my sister Clara and with her husband, who were -engaged at the theatre there. I well remember how happy and -comfortable I felt during this pleasant visit to the very same -relatives who a few years previously, when I had stayed with them -at Magdeburg, had been upset by my resolve to adopt music as a -calling. Now I had become a real musician, had written a grand -opera, and had already brought out many things without coming to -grief. The sense of all this was a great joy to me, while it was -no less flattering to my relatives, who could not fail to see -that the supposed misfortune had in the end proved to my -advantage. I was in a jolly mood and quite unrestrained--a state -of mind which was very largely the result not only of my brother- -in-law's cheerful and sociable household, but also of the -pleasant tavern life of the place. In a much more confident and -elated spirit I returned to Leipzig, where I was able to lay the -three huge volumes of my score before my highly delighted mother -and sister. - -Just then my family was the richer for the return of my brother -Julius from his long wanderings. He had worked a good while in -Paris as a goldsmith, and had now set up for himself in that -capacity in Leipzig. He too, like the rest, was eager to hear -something out of my opera, which, to be sure, was not so easy, as -I entirely lacked the gift of playing anything of the sort in an -easy and intelligible way. Only when I was able to work myself -into a state of absolute ecstasy was it possible for me to render -something with any effect. Rosalie knew that I meant it to draw a -sort of declaration of love from her; but I have never felt -certain whether the embrace and the sisterly kiss which were -awarded me after I had sung my great aria from Ada, were bestowed -on me from real emotion or rather out of affectionate regard. On -the other hand, the zeal with which she urged my opera on the -director of the theatre, Ringelhardt, the conductor and the -manager was unmistakable, and she did it so effectually that she -obtained their consent for its performance, and that very -speedily. I was particularly interested to learn that the -management immediately showed themselves eager to try to settle -the matter of the costumes for my drama: but I was astonished to -hear that the choice was in favour of oriental attire, whereas I -had intended, by the names I had selected, to suggest a northern -character for the setting. But it was precisely these names which -they found unsuitable, as fairy personages are not seen in the -North, but only in the East; while apart from this, the original -by Gozzi, which formed the basis of the work, undoubtedly bore an -oriental character. It was with the utmost indignation that I -opposed the insufferable turban and caftan style of dress, and -vehemently advocated the knightly garb worn in the early years of -the Middle Ages. I then had to come to a thorough understanding -with the conductor, Stegmayer, on the subject of my score. He was -a remarkable, short, fat man, with fair curly hair, and an -exceptionally jovial disposition; he was, however, very hard to -bring to a point. When over our wine we always arrived at an -understanding very quickly, but as soon as we sat at the piano, I -had to listen to the most extraordinary objections concerning the -trend of which I was for some time extremely puzzled. As the -matter was much delayed by this vacillation, I put myself into -closer communication with the stage manager of the opera, Hauser, -who at that time was much appreciated as a singer and patron of -art by the people of Leipzig. - -With this man, too, I had the strangest experiences: he who had -captivated the audiences of Leipzig, more especially with his -impersonation of the barber and the Englishman in Fra Diavolo, -suddenly revealed himself in his own house as the most fanatical -adherent of the most old-fashioned music. I listened with -astonishment to the scarcely veiled contempt with which he -treated even Mozart, and the only thing he seemed to regret was -that we had no operas by Sebastian Bach. After he had explained -to me that dramatic music had not actually been written yet, and -that properly speaking Gluck alone had shown any ability for it, -he proceeded to what seemed an exhaustive examination of my own -opera, concerning which all I had wished to hear from him was -whether it was fit to be performed. Instead of this, however, his -object seemed to be to point out the failure of my purpose in -every number. I sweated blood under the unparalleled torture of -going through my work with this man; and I told my mother and -sister of my grave depression. All these delays had already -succeeded in making it impossible to perform my opera at the date -originally fixed, and now it was postponed until August of the -current year (1834). - -An incident which I shall never forget inspired me with fresh -courage. Old Bierey, an experienced and excellent musician, and -in his day a successful composer, who, thanks more particularly -to his long practice as a conductor at the Breslau theatre, had -acquired a perfectly practical knowledge of such things, was then -living at Leipzig, and was a good friend of my people. My mother -and sister begged him to give his opinion about the fitness of my -opera for the stage, and I duly submitted the score to him. I -cannot say how deeply affected and impressed I was to see this -old gentleman appear one day among my relatives, and to hear him -declare with genuine enthusiasm that he simply could not -understand how so young a man could have composed such a score. -His remarks concerning the greatness which he had recognised in -my talent were really irresistible, and positively amazed me. -When asked whether he considered the work presentable and -calculated to produce an effect, he declared his only regret was -that he was no longer at the head of a theatre, because, had he -been, he would have thought himself extremely lucky to secure -such a man as myself permanently for his enterprise. At this -announcement my family was overcome with joy, and their feelings -were all the more justified seeing that, as they all knew, Bierey -was by no means an amiable romancer, but a practical musician -well seasoned by a life full of experience. - -The delay was now borne with better spirits, and for a long time -I was able to wait hopefully for what the future might bring. -Among other things, I now began to enjoy the company of a new -friend in the person of Laube, who at that time, although I had -not set his Kosziusko to music, was at the zenith of his fame. -The first portion of his novel, Young Europe, the form of which -was epistolary, had appeared, and had a most stimulating effect -on me, more particularly in conjunction with all the youthful -hopefulness which at that time pulsated in my veins. Though his -teaching was essentially only a repetition of that in Heinse's -Ardinghello, the forces that then surged in young breasts were -given full and eloquent expression. The guiding spirit of this -tendency was followed in literary criticism, which was aimed -mainly at the supposed or actual incapacity of the semi-classical -occupants of our various literary thrones. Without the slightest -mercy the pedants, [Footnote: Zopfe in the German text.-- -TRANSLATOR.] among whom Tieck for one was numbered, were treated -as sheer encumbrances and hindrances to the rise of a new -literature. That which led to a remarkable revulsion of my -feelings with regard to those German composers who hitherto had -been admired and respected, was partly the influence of these -critical skirmishes, and the luring sprightliness of their tone; -but mainly the impression made by a fresh visit of Schroder- -Devrient to Leipzig, when her rendering of Borneo in Bellini's -Romeo and Juliet carried every one by storm. The effect of it was -not to be compared with anything that had been witnessed -theretofore. To see the daring, romantic figure of the youthful -lover against a background of such obviously shallow and empty -music prompted one, at all events, to meditate doubtfully upon -the cause of the great lack of effect in solid German music as it -had been applied hitherto to the drama. Without for the moment -plunging too deeply into this meditation, I allowed myself to be -borne along with the current of my youthful feelings, then roused -to ardour, and turned involuntarily to the task of working off -all that brooding seriousness which in my earlier years had driven -me to such pathetic mysticism. - -What Pohlenz had not done by his conducting of the Ninth -Symphony, what the Vienna Conservatoire, Dionys Weber, and many -other clumsy performances (which had led me to regard classical -music as absolutely colourless) had not fully accomplished, was -achieved by the inconceivable charm of the most unclassical -Italian music, thanks to the wonderful, thrilling, and entrancing -impersonation of Romeo by Schroder-Devrient. What effect such -powerful, and as regards their causes, incomprehensible, effects -had upon my opinion was shown in the frivolous way in which I was -able to contrive a short criticism of Weber's Euryanthe for the -Elegante Zeitung. This opera had been performed by the Leipzig -company shortly before the appearance of Schroder-Devrient: cold -and colourless performers, among whom the singer in the title- -role, appearing in the wilderness with the full sleeves which -were then the pink of fashion, is still a disagreeable memory. -Very laboriously, and without verve, but simply with the object -of satisfying the demands of classical rules, this company did -its utmost to dispel even the enthusiastic impressions of Weber's -music which I had formed in my youth. I did not know what answer -to make to a brother critic of Laube's, when he pointed out to me -the laboured character of this operatic performance, as soon as -he was able to contrast it with the entrancing effect of that -Romeo evening. Here I found myself confronted with a problem, the -solving of which I was just at that time disposed to take as -easily as possible, and displayed my courage by discarding all -prejudice, and that daringly, in the short criticism just -mentioned in which I simply scoffed at Euryanthe. Just as I had -had my season of wild oat sowing as a student, so now I boldly -rushed into the same courses in the development of my artistic -taste. - -It was May, and beautiful spring weather, and a pleasure trip -that I now undertook with a friend into the promised land of my -youthful romance, Bohemia, was destined to bring the unrestrained -'Young-European' mood in me to full maturity. This friend was -Theodor Apel. I had known him a long while, and had always felt -particularly flattered by the fact that I had won his hearty -affection; for, as the son of the gifted master of metre and -imitator of Greek forms of poetry, August Apel, I felt that -admiring deference for him which I had never yet been able to -bestow upon the descendant of a famous man. Being well-to-do and -of a good family, his friendship gave me such opportunities of -coming into touch with the easy circumstances of the upper -classes as were not of frequent occurrence in my station of life. -While my mother, for instance, regarded my association with this -highly respectable family with great satisfaction, I for my part -was extremely gratified at the thought of the cordiality with -which I was received in such circles. - -Apel's earnest wish was to become a poet, and I took it for -granted that he had all that was needed for such a calling; above -all, what seemed to me so important, the complete freedom that -his considerable fortune assured him by liberating him from all -need of earning his living or of adopting a profession for a -livelihood. Strange to say, his mother, who on the death of his -distinguished father had married a Leipzig lawyer, was very -anxious about the vocation he should choose, and wished her son -to make a fine career in the law, as she was not at all disposed -to favour his poetical gifts. And it was to her attempts to -convert me to her view, in order that by my influence I might -avert the calamity of a second poet in the family, in the person -of the son, that I owed the specially friendly relations that -obtained between herself and me. All her suggestions succeeded in -doing, however, was to stimulate me, even more than my own -favourable opinion of his talent could, to confirm my friend in -his desire to be a poet, and thus to support him in his -rebellious attitude towards his family. - -He was not displeased at this. As he was also studying music and -composed quite nicely, I succeeded in being on terms of the -greatest intimacy with him. The fact that he had spent the very -year in which I had sunk into the lowest depths of undergraduate -madness, studying at Heidelberg and not at Leipzig, had kept him -unsullied by any share in my strange excesses, and when we now -met again at Leipzig, in the spring of 1834, the only thing that -we still had in common was the aesthetic aspiration of our lives, -which we now strove by way of experiment to divert into the -direction of the enjoyment of life. Gladly would we have flung -ourselves into lively adventures if only the conditions of our -environment and of the whole middle-class world in which we lived -had in any way admitted of such things. Despite all the -promptings of our instincts, however, we got no further than -planning this excursion to Bohemia. At all events, it was -something that we made the journey not by the post, but in our -own carriage, and our genuine pleasure continued to lie in the -fact that at Teplitz, for instance, we daily took long drives in -a fine carriage. When in the evening we had supped off trout at -the Wilhelmsburg, drunk good Czernosek wine with Bilin water, and -duly excited ourselves over Hoffmann, Beethoven, Shakespeare, -Heinse's Ardinghello, and other matters, and then, with our limbs -comfortably outstretched in our elegant carriage, drove back in -the summer twilight to the 'King of Prussia,' where we occupied -the large balcony-room on the first floor, we felt that we had -spent the day like young gods, and for sheer exuberance could -think of nothing better to do than to indulge in the most -frightful quarrels which, especially when the windows were open, -would collect numbers of alarmed listeners in the square before -the inn. - -One fine morning I stole away from my friend in order to take my -breakfast alone at the 'Schlackenburg,' and also to seize an -opportunity of jotting down the plan of a new operatic -composition in my note-book. With this end in view, I had -mastered the subject of Shakespeare's Measure for Measure, which, -in accordance with my present mood, I soon transformed pretty -freely into a libretto entitled Liebesverbot. Young Europe and -Ardinghello, and the strange frame of mind into which I had -fallen with regard to classical operatic music, furnished me with -the keynote of my conception, which was directed more -particularly against puritanical hypocrisy, and which thus tended -boldly to exalt 'unrestrained sensuality.' I took care to -understand the grave Shakespearean theme only in this sense. I -could see only the gloomy strait-laced viceroy, his heart aflame -with the most passionate love for the beautiful novice, who, -while she beseeches him to pardon her brother condemned to death -for illicit love, at the same time kindles the most dangerous -fire in the stubborn Puritan's breast by infecting him with the -lovely warmth of her human emotion. - -The fact that these powerful features are so richly developed in -Shakespeare's creation only in order that, in the end, they may -be weighed all the more gravely in the scales of justice, was no -concern of mine: all I cared about was to expose the sinfulness -of hypocrisy and the unnaturalness of such cruel moral censure. -Thus I completely dropped Measure for Measure, and made the -hypocrite be brought to justice only by the avenging power of -love. I transferred the theme from the fabulous city of Vienna to -the capital of sunny Sicily, in which a German viceroy, indignant -at the inconceivably loose morals of the people, attempts to -introduce a puritanical reform, and comes miserably to grief over -it. Die Stumme von Portici probably contributed to some extent to -this theme, as did also certain memories of Die Sizilianische -Vesper. When I remember that at last even the gentle Sicilian -Bellini constituted a factor in this composition, I cannot, to be -sure, help smiling at the strange medley in which the most -extraordinary misunderstandings here took shape. - -This remained for the present a mere draft. Studies from life -destined for my work were first to be carried out on this -delightful excursion to Bohemia. I led my friend in triumph to -Prague, in the hope of securing the same impressions for him -which had stirred me so profoundly when I was there. We met my -fair friends in the city itself; for, owing to the death of old -Count Pachta, material changes had taken place in the family, and -the surviving daughters no longer went to Pravonin. My behaviour -was full of arrogance, and by means of it I doubtless wished to -vent a certain capricious lust of revenge for the feelings of -bitterness with which I had taken leave of this circle some years -previously. My friend was well received. The changed family -circumstances forced the charming girls ever more and more -imperatively to come to some decision as to their future, and a -wealthy bourgeois, though not exactly in trade himself, but in -possession of ample means, seemed to the anxious mother, at all -events, a good adviser. Without either showing or feeling any -malice in the matter, I expressed my pleasure at the sight of the -strange confusion caused by Theodor's introduction into the -family by the merriest and wildest jests: for my only intercourse -with the ladies consisted purely of jokes and friendly chaff. -They could not understand how it was that I had altered so -strangely. There was no longer any of that love of wrangling, -that rage for instructing, and that zeal in converting in me -which formerly they had found so irritating. But at the same time -not a sensible word could I be made to utter, and they who were -now wanting to talk over many things seriously could get nothing -out of me save the wildest tomfoolery. As on this occasion, in my -character of an uncaged bird, I boldly allowed myself many a -liberty against which they felt themselves powerless, my -exuberant spirits were excited all the more when my friend, who -was led away by my example, tried to imitate me--a thing they -took in very bad part from him. - -Only once was there any attempt at seriousness between us: I was -sitting at the piano, and was listening to my companion, who was -telling the ladies that in a conversation at the hotel I had -found occasion to express myself most warmly to some one who -appeared to be surprised on hearing of the domestic and -industrious qualities of my lady friends. I was deeply moved -when, as the outcome of my companion's remarks, I gathered what -unpleasant experiences the poor things had already been through: -for what seemed to me a very natural action on my part, appeared -to fill them with unexpected pleasure. Jenny, for instance, came -up to me and hugged me with great warmth. By general consent I -was now granted the right of behaving with almost studied -rudeness, and I replied even to Jenny's warm outburst only with -my usual banter. - -In our hotel, the 'Black Horse,' which was so famous in those -days, I found the playground in which I was able to carry the -mischievous spirit not exhausted at the Pachta's house to the -point of recklessness. Out of the most accidental material in -table and travelling guests we succeeded in gathering a company -around us which allowed us, until far into the night, to lead it -into the most inconceivable follies. To all this I was incited -more particularly by the personality of a very timid and -undersized business man from Frankfort on the Oder, who longed to -seem of a daring disposition; and his presence stimulated me, if -only owing to the remarkable chance it gave me of coming into -contact with some one who was at home in Frankfort 'on the Oder.' -Any one who knows how things then stood in Austria can form some -idea of my recklessness when I say that I once went so far as to -cause our symposium in the public room to bellow the Marseillaise -out loud into the night. Therefore, when after this heroic -exploit was over, and while I was undressing, I clambered on the -outer ledges of the windows from one room to the other on the -second floor, I naturally horrified those who did not know of the -love of acrobatic feats which I had cultivated in my earliest -boyhood. - -Even if I had exposed myself without fear to such dangers, I was -soon sobered down next morning by a summons from the police. -When, in addition to this, I recalled the singing of the -Marseillaise, I was filled with the gravest fears. After having -been detained at the station a long time, owing to a strange -misunderstanding, the upshot of it was that the inspector who was -told off to examine me found that there was not sufficient time -left for a serious hearing, and, to my great relief, I was -allowed to go after replying to a few harmless questions -concerning the intended length of my stay. Nevertheless, we -thought it advisable not to yield to the temptation of playing -any more pranks beneath the spread wings of the double eagle. - -By means of a circuitous route into which we were led by our -insatiable longing for adventures--adventures which, as a matter -of fact, occurred only in our imagination, and which to all -intents and purposes were but modest diversions on the road--we -at length got back to Leipzig. And with this return home the -really cheerful period of my life as a youth definitely closed. -If, up to that time, I had not been free from serious errors and -moments of passion, it was only now that care cast its first -shadow across my path. - -My family had anxiously awaited my return in order to inform me -that the post of conductor had been offered to me by the -Magdeburg Theatre Company. This company during the current summer -month was performing at a watering place called Lauchstadt. The -manager could not get on with an incompetent conductor that had -been sent to him, and in his extremity had applied to Leipzig in -the hope of getting a substitute forthwith. Stegmayer, the -conductor, who had no inclination to practise my score Feen -during the hot summer weather, as he had promised to do, promptly -recommended me for the post, and in that way really managed to -shake off a very troublesome tormentor. For although, on the one -hand, I really desired to be able to abandon myself freely and -without restraint to the torrent of adventures that constitute -the artist's life, yet a longing for independence, which could be -won only by my earning my own living, had been greatly -strengthened in me by the state of my affairs. Albeit, I had the -feeling that a solid basis for the gratification of this desire -was not to be laid in Lauchstadt; nor did I find it easy to -assist the plot concocted against the production of my Feen. I -therefore determined to make a preliminary visit to the place -just to see how things stood. - -This little watering-place had, in the days of Goethe and -Schiller, acquired a very wide reputation, its wooden theatre had -been built according to the design of the former, and the first -performance of the Braut von Messina had been given there. But -although I repeated all this to myself, the place made me feel -rather doubtful. I asked for the house of the director of the -theatre. He proved to be out, but a small dirty boy, his son, was -told to take me to the theatre to find 'Papa.' Papa, however, met -us on the way. He was an elderly man; he wore a dressing-gown, -and on his head a cap. His delight at greeting me was interrupted -by complaints about a serious indisposition, for which his son -was to fetch him a cordial from a shop close by. Before -despatching the boy on this errand he pressed a real silver penny -into his hand with a certain ostentation which was obviously for -my benefit. This person was Heinrich Bethmann, surviving husband -of the famous actress of that name, who, having lived in the -heyday of the German stage, had won the favour of the King of -Prussia; and won it so lastingly, that long after her death it -had continued to be extended to her spouse. He always drew a nice -pension from the Prussian court, and permanently enjoyed its -support without ever being able to forfeit its protection by his -irregular and dissipated ways. - -At the time of which I am speaking he had sunk to his lowest, -owing to continued theatre management. His speech and manners -revealed the sugary refinement of a bygone day, while all that he -did and everything about him testified to the most shameful -neglect. He took me back to his house, where he presented me to -his second wife, who, crippled in one foot, lay on an -extraordinary couch while an elderly bass, concerning whose -excessive devotion Bethmann had already complained to me quite -openly, smoked his pipe beside her. From there the director took -me to his stage manager, who lived in the same house. - -With the latter, who was just engaged in a consultation about the -repertory with the theatre attendant, a toothless old skeleton, -he left me to settle the necessary arrangements. As soon as -Bethmann had gone, Schmale, the stage manager, shrugged his -shoulders and smiled, assuring me that that was just the way of -the director, to put everything on his back and trouble himself -about nothing. There he had been sitting for over an hour, -discussing with Kroge what should be put on next Sunday: it was -all very well his starting Don Juan, but how could he get a -rehearsal carried out, when the Merseburg town bandsmen, who -formed the orchestra, would not come over on Saturday to -rehearse? - -All the time Schmale kept reaching out through the open window to -a cherry tree from which he picked and persistently ate the -fruit, ejecting the stones with a disagreeable noise. Now it was -this last circumstance in particular which decided me; for, -strange to say, I have an innate aversion from fruit. I informed -the stage manager that he need not trouble at all about Don Juan -for Sunday, since for my part, if they had reckoned on my making -my first appearance at this performance, I must anyhow disappoint -the director, as I had no choice but to return at once to -Leipzig, where I had to put my affairs in order. This polite -manner of tendering my absolute refusal to accept the -appointment--a conclusion I had quickly arrived at in my own -mind--forced me to practise some dissimulation, and made it -necessary for me to appear as if I really had some other purpose -in coming to Lauchstadt. This pretence in itself was quite -unnecessary, seeing that I was quite determined never to return -there again. - -People offered to help me in finding a lodging, and a young actor -whom I had chanced to know at Wurzburg undertook to be my guide -in the matter. While he was taking me to the best lodging he -knew, he told me that presently he would do me the kindness of -making me the housemate of the prettiest and nicest girl to be -found in the place at the time. She was the junior lead of the -company, Mademoiselle Minna Planer, of whom doubtless I had -already heard. - -As luck would have it, the promised damsel met us at the door of -the house in question. Her appearance and bearing formed the most -striking contrast possible to all the unpleasant impressions of -the theatre which it had been my lot to receive on this fateful -morning. Looking very charming and fresh, the young actress's -general manner and movements were full of a certain majesty and -grave assurance which lent an agreeable and captivating air of -dignity to her otherwise pleasant expression. Her scrupulously -clean and tidy dress completed the startling effect of the -unexpected encounter. After I had been introduced to her in the -hall as the new conductor, and after she had done regarding with -astonishment the stranger who seemed so young for such a title, -she recommended me kindly to the landlady of the house, and -begged that I might be well looked after; whereupon she walked -proudly and serenely across the street to her rehearsal. - -I engaged a room on the spot, agreed to Don Juan for Sunday, -regretted greatly that I had not brought my luggage with me from -Leipzig, and hastened to return thither as quickly as possible in -order to get back to Lauchstadt all the sooner. The die was cast. -The serious side of life at once confronted me in the form of -significant experiences. At Leipzig I had to take a furtive leave -of Laube. At the instance of Prussia he had been warned off Saxon -soil, and he half guessed at the meaning which was to be attached -to this move. The time of undisguised reaction against the -Liberal movement of the early 'thirties had set in: the fact that -Laube was concerned in no sort of political work, but had devoted -himself merely to literary activity, always aiming simply at -aesthetic objects, made the action of the police quite -incomprehensible to us for the time being. The disgusting -ambiguity with which the Leipzig authorities answered all his -questions as to the cause of his expulsion soon gave him the -strongest suspicions as to what their intentions towards him -actually were. - -Leipzig, as the scene of his literary labours, being inestimably -precious, it mattered greatly to him to keep within reach of it. -My friend Apel owned a fine estate on Prussian soil, within but a -few hours' distance of Leipzig, and we conceived the wish of -seeing Laube hospitably harboured there. My friend, who without -infringing the legal stipulations was in a position to give the -persecuted man a place of refuge, immediately assented, and with -great readiness, to our desire, but confessed to us next day, -after having communicated with his family, that he thought he -might incur some unpleasantnesses if he entertained Laube. At -this the latter smiled, and in a manner I shall never forget, -though I have noticed in the course of my life that the -expression which I then saw in his face was one which has often -flitted over my own features. He took his leave, and in a short -time we heard that he had been arrested, owing to having -undertaken fresh proceedings against former members of the -Burschenschaft (Students' League), and had been lodged in the -municipal prison at Berlin. I had thus had two experiences which -weighed me down like lead, so I packed my scanty portmanteau, -took leave of my mother and sister, and, with a stout heart, -started on my career as a conductor. - -In order to be able to look upon the little room under Minna's -lodging as my new home, I was forced also to make the best of -Bethmann's theatrical enterprise. As a matter of fact, a -performance of Don Juan was given at once, for the director, who -prided himself on being a connoisseur of things artistic, -suggested that opera to me as one with which it would be wise for -an aspiring young artist, of a good family, to make his debut. -Despite the fact that, apart from some of my own instrumental -compositions, I had never yet conducted, and least of all in -opera, the rehearsal and the performance went off fairly well. -Only once or twice did discrepancies appear in the recitative of -Donna Anna; yet this did not involve me in any kind of hostility, -and when I took my place unabashed and calm for the production of -Lumpaci Vagabundus, which I had practised very thoroughly, the -people generally seemed to have gained full confidence in the -theatre's new acquisition. - -The fact that I submitted without bitterness and even with some -cheerfulness to this unworthy use of my musical talent, was due -less to my taste being at this period, as I called it, in its -salad days, than to my intercourse with Minna Planer, who was -employed in that magic trifle as the Amorous Fairy. Indeed, in -the midst of this dust-cloud of frivolity and vulgarity, she -always seemed very much like a fairy, the reasons of whose -descent into this giddy whirl, which of a truth seemed neither to -carry her away nor even to affect her, remained an absolute -mystery. For while I could discover nothing in the opera singers -save the familiar stage caricatures and grimaces, this fair -actress differed wholly from those about her in her unaffected -soberness and dainty modesty, as also in the absence of all -theatrical pretence and stiltedness. There was only one young man -whom I could place beside Minna on the ground of qualities like -those I recognised in her. This fellow was Friedrich Schmitt, who -had only just adopted the stage as a career in the hope of making -a 'hit' in opera, to which, as the possessor of an excellent -tenor voice, he felt himself called. He too differed from the -rest of the company, especially in the earnestness which he -brought to bear upon his studies and his work in general: the -soulful manly pitch of his chest voice, his clear, noble -enunciation and intelligent rendering of his words, have always -remained as standards in my memory. Owing to the fact that he was -wholly devoid of theatrical talent, and acted clumsily and -awkwardly, a check was soon put to his progress, but he always -remained dear to me as a clever and original man of trustworthy -and upright character--my only associate. - -But my dealings with my kind housemate soon became a cherished -habit, while she returned the ingenuously impetuous advances of -the conductor of one-and-twenty with a certain tolerant -astonishment which, remote as it was from all coquetry and -ulterior motives, soon made familiar and friendly intercourse -possible with her. When, one evening, I returned late to my -ground-floor room, by climbing through the window, for I had no -latch-key, the noise of my entry brought Minna to her window just -over mine. Standing on my window ledge I begged her to allow me -to bid her good-night once more. She had not the slightest -objection to this, but declared it must be done from the window, -as she always had her door locked by the people of the house, and -nobody could get in that way. She kindly facilitated the -handshake by leaning far out of her window, so that I could take -her hand as I stood on my ledge. When later on I had an attack of -erysipelas, from which I often suffered, and with my face all -swollen and frightfully distorted concealed myself from the world -in my gloomy room, Minna visited me repeatedly, nursed me, and -assured me that my distorted features did not matter in the -least. On recovering, I paid her a visit and complained of a rash -that had remained round my mouth, and which seemed so unpleasant -that I apologised for showing it to her. This also she made light -of. Then I inferred she would not give me a kiss, whereupon she -at once gave me practical proof that she did not shrink from that -either. - -This was all done with a friendly serenity and composure that had -something almost motherly about it, and it was free from all -suggestion of frivolity or of heartlessness. In a few weeks the -company had to leave Lauchstadt to proceed to Rudolstadt and -fulfil a special engagement there. I was particularly anxious to -make this journey, which in those days was an arduous -undertaking, in Minna's company, and if only I had succeeded in -getting my well-earned salary duly paid by Bethmann, nothing -would have hindered the fulfilment of my wish. But in this matter -I encountered exceptional difficulties, which in the course of -eventful years grew in chronic fashion into the strangest of -ailments. Even at Lauchstadt I had discovered that there was only -one man who drew his salary in full, namely the bass Kneisel, -whom I had seen smoking his pipe beside the couch of the -director's lame wife. I was assured that if I cared greatly about -getting some of my wages from time to time, I could obtain this -favour only by paying court to Mme. Bethmann. This time I -preferred once more to appeal to my family for help, and -therefore travelled to Rudolstadt through Leipzig, where, to the -sad astonishment of my mother, I had to replenish my coffer with -the necessary supplies. On the way to Leipzig I had travelled -with Apel through his estate, he having fetched me from -Lauchstadt for the purpose. His arrival was fixed in my memory by -a noisy banquet which my wealthy friend gave at the hotel in my -honour. It was on this occasion that I and one of the other -guests succeeded in completely destroying a huge, massively built -Dutch-tile stove, such as we had in our room at the inn. Next -morning none of us could understand how it had happened. - -It was on this journey to Rudolstadt that I first passed through -Weimar, where on a rainy day I strolled with curiosity, but -without emotion, towards Goethe's house. I had pictured something -rather different, and thought I should experience livelier -impressions from the active theatre life of Rudolstadt, to which -I felt strongly attracted. In spite of the fact that I was not to -be conductor myself, this post having been entrusted to the -leader of the royal orchestra, who had been specially engaged for -our performances, yet I was so fully occupied with rehearsals for -the many operas and musical comedies required to regale the -frivolous public of the principality that I found no leisure for -excursions into the charming regions of this little land. In -addition to these severe and ill-paid labours, two passions held -me chained during the six weeks of my stay in Rudolstadt. These -were, first, a longing to write the libretto of Liebesverbot; and -secondly, my growing attachment to Minna. It is true, I sketched -out a musical composition about this time, a symphony in E major, -whose first movement (3/4 time) I completed as a separate piece. -As regards style and design, this work was suggested by -Beethoven's Seventh and Eighth Symphonies, and, so far as I can -remember, I should have had no need to be ashamed of it, had I -been able to complete it, or keep the part I had actually -finished. But I had already begun at this time to form the -opinion that, to produce anything fresh and truly noteworthy in -the realm of symphony, and according to Beethoven's methods, was -an impossibility. Whereas opera, to which I felt inwardly drawn, -though I had no real example I wished to copy, presented itself -to my mind in varied and alluring shapes as a most fascinating -form of art. Thus, amid manifold and passionate agitations, and -in the few leisure hours which were left to me, I completed the -greater part of my operatic poem, taking infinitely more pains, -both as regards words and versification, than with the text of my -earlier Feen. Moreover, I found myself possessed of incomparably -greater assurance in the arrangement and partial invention of -situations than when writing that earlier work. - -On the other hand, I now began for the first time to experience -the cares and worries of a lover's jealousy. A change, to me -inexplicable, manifested itself in Minna's hitherto unaffected -and gentle manner towards me. It appears that my artless -solicitations for her favour, by which at that time I meant -nothing serious, and in which a man of the world would merely -have seen the exuberance of a youthful and easily satisfied -infatuation, had given rise to certain remarks and comments upon -the popular actress. I was astonished to learn, first from her -reserved manner, and later from her own lips, that she felt -compelled to inquire into the seriousness of my intentions, and -to consider their consequences. She was at that time, as I had -already discovered, on very intimate terms with a young nobleman, -whose acquaintance I first made in Lauchstadt, where he used to -visit her. I had already realised on that occasion that he was -unfeignedly and cordially attached to her; in fact, in the circle -of her friends she was regarded as engaged to Herr von O., -although it was obvious that marriage was out of the question, as -the young lover was quite without means, and owing to the high -standing of his family it was essential that he should sacrifice -himself to a marriage of convenience, both on account of his -social position and of the career which he would have to adopt. -During this stay at Rudolstadt Minna appears to have gathered -certain information on this point which troubled and depressed -her, thus rendering her more inclined to treat my impetuous -attempts at courtship with cool reserve. - -After mature deliberation I recognised that, in any case, Young -Europe, Ardinghello, and Liebesverbot could not be produced at -Rudolstadt; but it was a very different matter for the Fee -Amorosa, with its merry theatrical mood, and an Ehrlicher Burger -Kind to seek a decent livelihood. Therefore, greatly discouraged, -I proceeded to accentuate the more extravagant situations of my -Liebesverbot by rioting with a few comrades in the sausage- -scented atmosphere of the Rudolstadt Vogelwiese. At this time my -troubles again brought me more or less into contact with the vice -of gambling, although on this occasion it only cast temporary -fetters about me in the very harmless form of the dice and -roulette-tables out on the open market-place. - -We were looking forward to the time when we should leave -Rudolstadt for the half-yearly winter season at the capital, -Magdeburg, mainly because I should there resume my place at the -head of the orchestra, and might in any case count on a better -reward for my musical efforts. But before returning to Magdeburg -I had to endure a trying interval at Bernburg, where Bethmann, -the director, in addition to his other undertakings, had also -promised sundry theatrical performances. During our brief stay in -the town I had to arrange for the presentation, with a mere -fraction of the company, of several operas, which were again to -be conducted by the royal conductor of the place. But in addition -to these professional labours, I had to endure such a meagre, -ill-provided and grievously farcical existence as was enough to -disgust me, if not for ever, at any rate for the time being, with -the wretched profession of a theatrical conductor. Yet I survived -even this, and Magdeburg was destined to lead me eventually to -the real glory of my adopted profession. - -The sensation of sitting in command at the very conductor's desk -from which, not many years before, the great master Kuhnlein had -so moved the perplexed young enthusiast by the weighty wisdom of -his musical directorship, was not without its charm for me, and, -indeed, I very quickly succeeded in obtaining perfect confidence -in conducting an orchestra. I was soon a persona grata with the -excellent musicians of the orchestra. Their splendid combination -in spirited overtures, which, especially towards the finale, I -generally took at an unheard-of speed, often earned for us all -the intoxicating applause of the public. The achievements of my -fiery and often exuberant zeal won me recognition from the -singers, and were greeted by the audience with rapturous -appreciation. As in Magdeburg, at least in those days, the art of -theatrical criticism was but slightly developed, this universal -satisfaction was a great encouragement, and at the end of the -first three months of my Magdeburg conductorship I felt sustained -by the flattering and comforting assurance that I was one of the -bigwigs of opera. Under these circumstances, Schmale, the stage -manager, who has been my good friend ever since, proposed a -special gala performance for New Year's Day, which he felt sure -would be a triumph. I was to compose the necessary music. This -was very speedily done; a rousing overture, several melodramas -and choruses were all greeted with enthusiasm, and brought us -such ample applause that we repeated the performance with great -success, although such repetitions after the actual gala day were -quite contrary to usage. - -With the new year (1835) there came a decisive turning-point in -my life. After the rupture between Minna and myself at -Rudolstadt, we had been to some extent lost to one another; but -our friendship was resumed on our meeting again in Magdeburg; -this time, however, it remained cool and purposely indifferent. -When she first appeared in the town, a year before, her beauty -had attracted considerable notice, and I now learned that she was -the object of great attention from several young noblemen, and -had shown herself not unmoved by the compliment implied by their -visits. Although her reputation, thanks to her absolute -discretion and self-respect, remained beyond reproach, my -objection to her receiving such attentions grew very strong, -owing possibly, in some degree, to the memory of the sorrows I -had endured in Pachta's house in Prague. Although Minna assured -me that the conduct of these gentlemen was much more discreet and -decent than that of theatre-goers of the bourgeois class, and -especially than that of certain young musical conductors, she -never succeeded in soothing the bitterness and insistence with -which I protested against her acceptance of such attentions. So -we spent three unhappy months in ever-increasing estrangement, -and at the same time, in half-frantic despair, I pretended to be -fond of the most undesirable associates, and acted in every way -with such blatant levity that Minna, as she told me afterwards, -was filled with the deepest anxiety and solicitude concerning me. -Moreover, as the ladies of the opera company were not slow to pay -court to their youthful conductor, and especially as one young -woman, whose reputation was not spotless, openly set her cap at -me, this anxiety of Minna's seems at last to have culminated in a -definite decision. I hit upon the idea of treating the elite of -our opera company to oysters and punch in my own room on New -Year's Eve. The married couples were invited, and then came the -question whether Fraulein Planer would consent to take part in -such a festivity. She accepted quite ingenuously, and presented -herself, as neatly and becomingly dressed as ever, in my bachelor -apartments, where things soon grew pretty lively. I had already -warned my landlord that we were not likely to be very quiet, and -reassured him as to any possible damage to his furniture. What -the champagne failed to accomplish, the punch eventually -succeeded in doing; all the restraints of petty conventionality, -which the company usually endeavoured to observe, were cast -aside, giving place to an unreserved demeanour all round, to -which no one objected. And then it was that Minna's queenly -dignity distinguished her from all her companions. She never lost -her self-respect; and whilst no one ventured to take the -slightest liberty with her, every one very clearly recognised the -simple candour with which she responded to my kindly and -solicitous attentions. They could not fail to see that the link -existing between us was not to be compared to any ordinary -liaison, and we had the satisfaction of seeing the flighty young -lady who had so openly angled for me fall into a fit over the -discovery. - -From that time onward I remained permanently on the best of terms -with Minna. I do not believe that she ever felt any sort of -passion or genuine love for me, or, indeed, that she was capable -of such a thing, and I can therefore only describe her feeling -for me as one of heartfelt goodwill, and the sincerest desire for -my success and prosperity, inspired as she was with the kindest -sympathy, and genuine delight at, and admiration for, my talents. -All this at last became part of her nature. She obviously had a -very favourable opinion of my abilities, though she was surprised -at the rapidity of my success. My eccentric nature, which she -knew so well how to humour pleasantly by her gentleness, -stimulated her to the continual exercise of the power, so -flattering to her own vanity, and without ever betraying any -desire or ardour herself, she never met my impetuous advances -with coldness. - -At the Magdeburg theatre I had already made the acquaintance of a -very interesting woman called Mme. Haas. She was an actress, no -longer in her first youth, and played so-called 'chaperone's -parts.' This lady won my sympathy by telling me she had been -friendly ever since her youth with Laube, in whose destiny she -continued to take a heartfelt and cordial interest. She was -clever, but far from happy, and an unprepossessing exterior, -which with the lapse of years grew more uninviting, did not tend -to make her any happier. She lived in meagre circumstances, with -one child, and appeared to remember her better days with a bitter -grief. My first visit to her was paid merely to inquire after -Laube's fate, but I soon became a frequent and familiar caller. -As she and Minna speedily became fast friends, we three often -spent pleasant evenings talking together. But when, later on, a -certain jealousy manifested itself on the part of the elder woman -towards the younger, our confidential relations were more or less -disturbed, for it particularly grieved me to hear Minna's talents -and mental gifts criticised by the other. One evening I had -promised Minna to have tea with her and Mme. Haas, but I had -thoughtlessly promised to go to a whist party first. This -engagement I purposely prolonged, much as it wearied me, in the -deliberate hope that her companion--who had already grown irksome -to me--might have left before my arrival. The only way in which I -could do this was by drinking hard, so that I had the very -unusual experience of rising from a sober whist party in a -completely fuddled condition, into which I had imperceptibly -fallen, and in which I refused to believe. This incredulity -deluded me into keeping my engagement for tea, although it was so -late. To my intense disgust the elder woman was still there when -I arrived, and her presence at once had the effect of rousing my -tipsiness to a violent outbreak; for she seemed astonished at my -rowdy and unseemly behaviour, and made several remarks upon it -intended for jokes, whereupon I scoffed at her in the coarsest -manner, so that she immediately left the house in high dudgeon. I -had still sense enough to be conscious of Minna's astonished -laughter at my outrageous conduct. As soon as she realised, -however, that my condition was such as to render my removal -impossible without great commotion, she rapidly formed a -resolution which must indeed have cost her an effort, though it -was carried out with the utmost calmness and good-humour. She did -all she could for me, and procured me the necessary relief, and -when I sank into a heavy slumber, unhesitatingly resigned her own -bed to my use. There I slept until awakened by the wonderful grey -of dawn. On recognising where I was, I at once realised and grew -ever more convinced of the fact that this morning's sunrise -marked the starting-point of an infinitely momentous period of my -life. The demon of care had at last entered into my existence. - -Without any light-hearted jests, without gaiety or joking of any -description, we breakfasted quietly and decorously together, and -at an hour when, in view of the compromising circumstances of the -previous evening, we could set out without attracting undue -notice, I set off with Minna for a long walk beyond the city -gates. Then we parted, and from that day forward freely and -openly gratified our desires as an acknowledged pair of lovers. - -The peculiar direction which my musical activities had gradually -taken continued to receive ever fresh impetus, not only from the -successes, but also from the disasters which about this time -befell my efforts. I produced the overture to my Feen with very -satisfactory results at a concert given by the Logengesellschaft, -and thereby earned considerable applause. On the other hand, news -came from Leipzig confirming the shabby action of the directors -of the theatre in that place with regard to the promised -presentation of this opera. But, happily for me, I had begun the -music for my Liebesverbot, an occupation which so absorbed my -thoughts that I lost all interest in the earlier work, and -abstained with proud indifference from all further effort to -secure its performance in Leipzig. The success of its overture -alone amply repaid me for the composition of my first opera. - -Meanwhile, in spite of numerous other distractions, I found time, -during the brief six months of this theatrical season in -Magdeburg, to complete a large portion of my new opera, besides -doing other work. I ventured to introduce two duets from it at a -concert given in the theatre, and their reception encouraged me -to proceed hopefully with the rest of the opera. - -During the second half of this season my friend Apel came to sun -himself enthusiastically in the splendour of my musical -directorship. He had written a drama, Columbus, which I -recommended to our management for production. This was a -peculiarly easy favour to win, as Apel volunteered to have a new -scene, representing the Alhambra, painted at his own expense. -Besides this, he proposed to effect many welcome improvements in -the condition of the actors taking part in his play; for, owing -to the continued preference displayed by the directress for -Kneisel, the bass, they had all suffered very much from -uncertainty about their wages. The piece itself appeared to me to -contain much that was good. It described the difficulties and -struggles of the great navigator before he set sail on his first -voyage of discovery. The drama ended with the momentous departure -of his ships from the harbour of Palos, an episode whose results -are known to all the world. At my desire Apel submitted his play -to my uncle Adolph, and even in his critical opinion it was -remarkable for its lively and characteristic popular scenes. On -the other hand, a love romance, which he had woven into the plot, -struck me as unnecessary and dull. In addition to a brief chorus -for some Moors who were expelled from Granada, to be sung on -their departure from the familiar home country, and a short -orchestral piece by way of conclusion, I also dashed off an -overture for my friend's play. I sketched out the complete draft -of this one evening at Minna's house, while Apel was left free to -talk to her as much and as loudly as he liked. The effect this -composition was calculated to produce rested on a fundamental -idea which was quite simple, yet startling in its development. -Unfortunately I worked it out rather hurriedly. In not very -carefully chosen phrasing the orchestra was to represent the -ocean, and, as far as might be, the ship upon it. A forcible, -pathetically yearning and aspiring theme was the only -comprehensible idea amid the swirl of enveloping sound. When the -whole had been repeated, there was a sudden jump to a different -theme in extreme pianissimo, accompanied by the swelling -vibrations of the first violins, which was intended to represent -a Fata Morgana. I had secured three pairs of trumpets in -different keys, in order to produce this exquisite, gradually -dawning and seductive theme with the utmost niceties of shade and -variety of modulation. This was intended to represent the land of -desire towards which the hero's eyes are turned, and whose shores -seem continually to rise before him only to sink elusively -beneath the waves, until at last they soar in very deed above the -western horizon, the crown of all his toil and search, and stand -clearly and unmistakably revealed to all the sailors, a vast -continent of the future. My six trumpets were now to combine in -one key, in order that the theme assigned to them might re-echo -in glorious jubilation. Familiar as I was with the excellence of -the Prussian regimental trumpeters, I could rely upon a startling -effect, especially in this concluding passage. My overture -astonished every one, and was tumultuously applauded. The play -itself, however, was acted without dignity. A conceited comedian, -named Ludwig Meyer, completely ruined the title part, for which -he excused himself on the ground that, having to act as stage -manager also, he had been unable to commit his lines to memory. -Nevertheless, he managed to enrich his wardrobe with several -splendid costumes at Apel's expense, wearing them, as Columbus, -one after the other. At all events, Apel had lived to see a play -of his own actually performed, and although this was never -repeated, yet it afforded me an opportunity of increasing my -personal popularity with the people of Magdeburg, as the overture -was several times repeated at concerts by special request. - -But the chief event of this theatrical season occurred towards -its close. I induced Mme. Schroder-Devrient, who was staying in -Leipzig, to come to us for a few special performances, when, on -two occasions, I had the great satisfaction and stimulating -experience of myself conducting the operas in which she sang, and -thus entering into immediate artistic collaboration with her. She -appeared as Desdemona and Romeo. In the latter role particularly -she surpassed herself, and kindled a fresh flame in my breast. -This visit brought us also into closer personal contact. So -kindly disposed and sympathetic did she show herself towards me, -that she even volunteered to lend me her services at a concert -which I proposed to give for my own benefit, although this would -necessitate her returning after a brief absence. Under -circumstances so auspicious I could only expect the best possible -results from my concert, and in my situation at that time its -proceeds were a matter of vital importance to me. My scanty -salary from the Magdeburg opera company had become altogether -illusory, being paid only in small and irregular instalments, so -that I could see but one way of meeting my daily expenses. These -included frequent entertainment of a large circle of friends, -consisting of singers and players, and the situation had become -unpleasantly accentuated by no small number of debts. True, I did -not know their exact amount; but reckoned that I could at least -form an advantageous, if indefinite, estimate of the sum to be -realized by my concert, whereby the two unknown quantities might -balance each other. I therefore consoled my creditors with the -tale of these fabulous receipts, which were to pay them all in -full the day after the concert. I even went so far as to invite -them to come and be paid at the hotel to which I had moved at the -close of the season. - -And, indeed, there was nothing unreasonable in my counting on the -highest imaginable receipts, when supported by so great and -popular a singer, who, moreover, was returning to Magdeburg on -purpose for the event. I consequently acted with reckless -prodigality as regards cost, launching out into all manner of -musical extravagance, such as engaging an excellent and much -larger orchestra, and arranging many rehearsals. Unfortunately -for me, however, nobody would believe that such a famous actress, -whose time was so precious, would really return again to please a -little Magdeburg conductor. My pompous announcement of her -appearance was almost universally regarded as a deceitful -manoeuvre, and people took offence at the high prices charged for -seats. The result was that the hall was only very scantily -filled, a fact which particularly grieved me on account of my -generous patroness. Her promise I had never doubted. Punctually -on the day appointed she reappeared to support me, and now had -the painful and unaccustomed experience of performing before a -small audience. Fortunately, she treated the matter with great -good-humour (which, I learned later, was prompted by other -motives, not personally concerning me). Among several pieces she -sang Beethoven's Adelaide most exquisitely, wherein, to my own -astonishment, I accompanied her on the piano. But, alas! another -and more unexpected mishap befell my concert, through our -unfortunate selection of pieces. Owing to the excessive -reverberation of the saloon in the Hotel 'The City of London,' -the noise was unbearable. My Columbus Overture, with its six -trumpets, had early in the evening filled the audience with -terror; and now, at the end, came Beethoven's Schlacht bei -Vittoria, for which, in enthusiastic expectation of limitless -receipts, I had provided every imaginable orchestral luxury. The -firing of cannon and musketry was organised with the utmost -elaboration, on both the French and English sides, by means of -specially constructed and costly apparatus; while trumpets and -bugles had been doubled and trebled. Then began a battle, such as -has seldom been more cruelly fought in a concert-room. The -orchestra flung itself, so to speak, upon the scanty audience -with such an overwhelming superiority of numbers that the latter -speedily gave up all thought of resistance and literally took to -flight. Mme. Schroder-Devrient had kindly taken a front seat, -that she might hear the concert to an end. Much as she may have -been inured to terrors of this kind, this was more than she could -stand, even out of friendship for me. When, therefore, the -English made a fresh desperate assault upon the French position, -she took to flight, almost wringing her hands. Her action became -the signal for a panic-stricken stampede. Every one rushed out; -and Wellington's victory was finally celebrated in a confidential -outburst between myself and the orchestra alone. Thus ended this -wonderful musical festival. Schroder-Devrient at once departed, -deeply regretting the ill-success of her well-meant effort, and -kindly left me to my fate. After seeking comfort in the arms of -my sorrowing sweetheart, and attempting to nerve myself for the -morrow's battle, which did not seem likely to end in a victorious -symphony, I returned next morning to the hotel. I found I could -only reach my rooms by running the gauntlet between long rows of -men and women in double file, who had all been specially invited -thither for the settlement of their respective affairs. Reserving -the right to select individuals from among my visitors for -separate interview, I first of all led in the second trumpeter of -the orchestra, whose duty it had been to look after the cash and -the music. From his account I learned that, owing to the high -fees which, in my generous enthusiasm, I had promised to the -orchestra, a few more shillings and sixpences would still have to -come out of my own pocket to meet these charges alone. When this -was settled, the position of affairs was plain. The next person I -invited to come in was Mme. Gottschalk, a trustworthy Jewess, -with whom I wanted to come to some arrangement respecting the -present crisis. She perceived at once that more than ordinary -help was required in this case, but did not doubt that I should -be able to obtain it from my opulent connections in Leipzig. She -undertook, therefore, to appease the other creditors with -tranquillising assurances, and railed, or pretended to rail, -against their indecent conduct with great vigour. Thus at last we -succeeded, though not without some difficulty, in making the -corridor outside my door once more passable. - -The theatrical season was now over, our company on the point of -dissolution, and I myself free from my appointment. But meanwhile -the unhappy director of our theatre had passed from a state of -chronic to one of acute bankruptcy. He paid with paper money, -that is to say, with whole sheets of box-tickets for performances -which he guaranteed should take place. By dint of great craft -Minna managed to extract some profit even from these singular -treasury-bonds. She was living at this time most frugally and -economically. Moreover, as the dramatic company still continued -its efforts on behalf of its members--only the opera troupe -having been dissolved--she remained at the theatre. Thus, when I -started out on my compulsory return to Leipzig, she saw me off -with hearty good-wishes for our speedy reunion, promising to -spend the next holidays in visiting her parents in Dresden, on -which occasion she hoped also to look me up in Leipzig. - -Thus it came about that early in May I once more went home to my -own folk, in order that after this abortive first attempt at -civic independence, I might finally lift the load of debt with -which my efforts in Magdeburg had burdened me. An intelligent -brown poodle faithfully accompanied me, and was entrusted to my -family for food and entertainment as the only visible property I -had acquired. Nevertheless, my mother and Rosalie succeeded in -founding good hopes for my future career upon the bare fact of my -being able to conduct an orchestra. To me, on the other hand, the -thought of returning once more to my former life with my family -was very discomfiting. My relation to Minna in particular spurred -me on to resume my interrupted career as speedily as possible. -The great change which had come over me in this respect was more -apparent than ever when Minna spent a few days with me in Leipzig -on her way home. Her familiar and genial presence proclaimed that -my days of parental dependence were past and gone. We discussed -the renewal of my Magdeburg engagement, and I promised her an -early visit in Dresden. I obtained permission from my mother and -sister to invite her one evening to tea, and in this way I -introduced her to my family. Rosalie saw at once how matters -stood with me, but made no further use of the discovery than to -tease me about being in love. To her the affair did not appear -dangerous; but to me things wore a very different aspect, for -this love-lorn attachment was entirely in keeping with my -independent spirit, and my ambition to win myself a place in the -world of art. - -My distaste for Leipzig itself was furthermore strengthened by a -change which occurred there at this time in the realm of music. -At the very time that I, in Magdeburg, was attempting to make my -reputation as a musical conductor by thoughtless submission to -the frivolous taste of the day, Mendelssohn-Bartholdy was -conducting the Gewandhaus concerts, and inaugurating a momentous -epoch for himself and the musical taste of Leipzig. His influence -had put an end to the simple ingenuousness with which the Leipzig -public had hitherto judged the productions of its sociable -subscription concerts. Through the influence of my good old -friend Pohlenz, who was not yet altogether laid on the shelf, I -managed to produce my Columbus Overture at a benefit concert -given by the favourite young singer, Livia Gerhart. But, to my -amazement, I found that the taste of the musical public in -Leipzig had been given a different bent, which not even my -rapturously applauded overture, with its brilliant combination of -six trumpets, could influence. This experience deepened my -dislike of everything approaching a classical tone, in which -sentiment I found myself in complete accord with honest Pohlenz, -who sighed good-naturedly over the downfall of the good old -times. - -Arrangements for a musical festival at Dessau, under Friedrich -Schneider's conductorship, offered me a welcome chance of -quitting Leipzig. For this journey, which could be performed on -foot in seven hours, I had to procure a passport for eight days. -This document was destined to play an important part in my life -for many years to come; for on several occasions and in various -European countries it was the only paper I possessed to prove my -identity. In fact, owing to my evasion of military duty in -Saxony, I never again succeeded in obtaining a regular pass until -I was appointed musical conductor in Dresden. I derived very -little artistic pleasure or benefit of any kind from this -occasion; on the contrary, it gave a fresh impetus to my hatred -of the classical. I heard Beethoven's Symphony in C minor -conducted by a man whose physiognomy, resembling that of a -drunken satyr, filled me with unconquerable disgust. In spite of -an interminable row of contrabassi, with which a conductor -usually coquettes at musical festivals, his performance was so -expressionless and inane that I turned away in disgust as from an -alarming and repulsive problem, and desisted from all attempts to -explain the impassable gulf which, as I again perceived, yawned -between my own vivid and imaginative conception of this work and -the only living presentations of it which I had ever heard. But -for the present my tormented spirits were cheered and calmed by -hearing the classical Schneider's oratorio Absalom rendered as an -absolute burlesque. - -It was in Dessau that Minna had made her first debut on the -stage, and while there I heard her spoken of by frivolous young -men in the tone usual in such circles when discussing young and -beautiful actresses. My eagerness in contradicting this chatter -and confounding the scandalmongers revealed to me more clearly -than ever the strength of the passion which drew me to her. - -I therefore returned to Leipzig without calling on my relatives, -and there procured means for an immediate journey to Dresden. On -the way (the journey was still performed by express coach) I met -Minna, accompanied by one of her sisters, already on the way back -to Magdeburg. Promptly procuring a posting ticket for the return -journey to Leipzig, I actually set off thither with my dear girl; -but by the time we reached the next station I had succeeded in -persuading her to turn back with me to Dresden. By this time the -mail-coach was far ahead of us, and we had to travel by special -post-chaise. This lively bustling to and fro seemed to astonish -the two girls, and put them into high spirits. The extravagance -of my conduct had evidently roused them to the expectation of -adventures, and it now behoved me to fulfil this expectation. -Procuring from a Dresden acquaintance the necessary cash, I -conducted my two lady friends through the Saxon Alps, where we -spent several right merry days of innocent and youthful gaiety. -Only once was this disturbed by a passing fit of jealousy on my -part, for which, indeed, there was no occasion, but which fed -itself in my heart on a nervous apprehension of the future, and -upon the experience I had already gained of womenkind. Yet, -despite this blot, our excursion still lingers in my memory as -the sweetest and almost sole remembrance of unalloyed happiness -in the whole of my life as a young man. One evening in particular -stands out in bright relief, during which we sat together almost -all night at the watering-place of Schandau in glorious summer -weather. Indeed, my subsequent long and anxious connection with -Minna, interwoven as it was with the most painful and bitter -vicissitudes, has often appeared to me as a persistently -prolonged expiation of the brief and harmless enjoyment of those -few days. - -After accompanying Minna to Leipzig, whence she continued her -journey to Magdeburg, I presented myself to my family, but told -them nothing of my Dresden excursion. I now braced my energies, -as though under the stern compulsion of a strange and deep sense -of duty, to the task of making such arrangements as would -speedily restore me to my dear one's side. To this end a fresh -engagement had to be negotiated with Director Bethmann for the -coming winter season. Unable to await the conclusion of our -contract in Leipzig, I availed myself of Laube's presence at the -baths in Kosen, near Naumburg, to pay him a visit. Laube had only -recently been discharged from the Berlin municipal gaol, after a -tormenting inquisition of nearly a year's duration. On giving his -parole not to leave the country until the verdict had been given, -he had been permitted to retire to Kosen, from which place he, -one evening, paid us a secret visit in Leipzig. I can still call -his woebegone appearance to mind. He seemed hopelessly resigned, -though he spoke cheerfully with regard to all his earlier dreams -of better things; and owing to my own worries at that time about -the critical state of my affairs, this impression still remains -one of my saddest and most painful recollections. While at Kosen -I showed him a good many of the verses for my Liebesverbot, and -although he spoke coldly of my presumption in wishing to write my -own libretto, I was slightly encouraged by his appreciation of my -work. - -Meanwhile I impatiently awaited letters from Magdeburg. Not that -I had any doubt as to the renewal of my engagement; on the -contrary, I had every reason to regard myself as a good -acquisition for Bethmann; but I felt as though nothing which -tended to bring me nearer to Minna could move fast enough. As -soon as I received the necessary tidings, I hurried away to make -all needful arrangements on the spot for ensuring a magnificent -success in the coming Magdeburg operatic season. - -Through the tireless munificence of the King of Prussia fresh and -final assistance had been granted to our perennially bankrupt -theatrical director. His Majesty had assigned a not -inconsiderable sum to a committee consisting of substantial -Magdeburg citizens, as a subsidy to be expended on the theatre -under Bethmann's management. What this meant, and the respect -with which I thereupon regarded the artistic conditions of -Magdeburg, may be best imagined if one remembers the neglected -and forlorn surroundings amid which such provincial theatres -usually drag out their lives. I offered at once to undertake a -long journey in search of good operatic singers. I said I would -find the means for this at my own risk, and the only guarantee I -demanded from the management for eventual reimbursement was that -they should assign me the proceeds of a future benefit -performance. This offer was gladly accepted, and in pompous tones -the director furnished me with the necessary powers, and moreover -gave me his parting blessing. During this brief interval I lived -once more in intimate communion with Minna--who now had her -mother with her--and then took fresh leave of her for my -venturesome enterprise. - -But when I got to Leipzig I found it by no means easy to procure -the funds, so confidently counted on when in Magdeburg, for the -expenses of my projected journey. The glamour of the royal -protection of Prussia for our theatrical undertaking, which I -portrayed in the liveliest colours to my good brother-in-law -Brockhaus, quite failed to dazzle him, and it was at the cost of -great pains and humiliation that I finally got my ship of -discovery under weigh. - -I was naturally drawn first of all to my old wonderland of -Bohemia. There I merely touched at Prague and, without visiting -my lovely lady friends, I hurried forward so that I might first -sample the opera company then playing for the season at Karlsbad. -Impatient to discover as many talents as I could as soon as -possible, so as not to exhaust my funds to no purpose, I attended -a performance of La Dame Blanche, sincerely hoping to find the -whole performance first class. But not until much later did I -fully realise how wretched was the quality of all these singers. -I selected one of them, a bass named Graf, who was singing -Gaveston. When in due course he made his debut at Magdeburg, he -provoked so much well-founded dissatisfaction, that I could not -find a word to say in reply to the mockery which this acquisition -brought upon me. - -But the small success with which the real object of my tour was -attended was counterbalanced by the pleasantness of the journey -itself. The trip through Eger, over the Fichtel mountains, and -the entry into Bayreuth, gloriously illuminated by the setting -sun, have remained happy memories to this day. - -My next goal was Nuremberg, where my sister Clara and her husband -were acting, and from whom I might reckon on sound information as -to the object of my search. It was particularly nice to be -hospitably received in my sister's house, where I hoped to revive -my somewhat exhausted means of travel. In this hope I reckoned -chiefly upon the sale of a snuff-box presented to me by a friend, -which I had secret reasons to suppose was made of platinum. To -this I could add a gold signet-ring, given me by my friend Apel -for composing the overture to his Columbus. The value of the -snuff-box unfortunately proved to be entirely imaginary; but by -pawning these two jewels, the only ones I had left, I hoped to -provide myself with the bare necessaries for continuing my -journey to Frankfort. It was to this place and the Rhine district -that the information I had gathered led me to direct my steps. -Before leaving I persuaded my sister and brother-in-law to accept -engagements in Magdeburg; but I still lacked a first tenor and a -soprano, whom hitherto I had altogether failed to discover. - -My stay in Nuremberg was most agreeably prolonged through a -renewed meeting with Schroder-Devrient, who just at that time was -fulfilling a short engagement in that town. Meeting her again was -like seeing the clouds disperse, which, since our last meeting, -had darkened my artistic horizon. - -The Nuremberg operatic company had a very limited repertoire. -Besides Fidelio they could produce nothing save Die -Schweizerfamilie, a fact about which this great singer -complained, as this was one of her first parts sung in early -youth, for which she was hardly any longer suited, and which, in -addition, she had played ad nauseam. I also looked forward to the -performance of Die Schweizerfamilie with misgivings, and even -with anxiety, for I feared lest this tame opera and the old- -fashioned sentimental part of Emmeline would weaken the great -impression the public, as well as myself, had formed up to that -moment of the work of this sublime artist. Imagine, therefore, -how deeply moved and astonished I was, on the evening of the -performance, to find that it was in this very part that I first -realised the truly transcendental genius of this extraordinary -woman. That anything so great as her interpretation of the -character of the Swiss maiden could not be handed down to -posterity as a monument for all time can only be looked upon as -one of the most sublime sacrifices demanded by dramatic art, and -as one of its highest manifestations. When, therefore, such -phenomena appear, we cannot hold them in too great reverence, nor -look upon them as too sacred. - -Apart from all these new experiences which were to become of so -much value to my whole life and to my artistic development, the -impressions I received at Nuremberg, though they were apparently -trivial in their origin, left such indelible traces on my mind, -that they revived within me later on, though in quite a different -and novel form. - -My brother-in-law, Wolfram, was a great favourite with the -Nuremberg theatrical world; he was witty and sociable, and as -such made himself much liked in theatrical circles. On this -occasion I received singularly delightful proofs of the spirit of -extravagant gaiety manifested on these evenings at the inn, in -which I also took part. A master carpenter, named Lauermann, a -little thick-set man, no longer young, of comical appearance and -gifted only with the roughest dialect, was pointed out to me in -one of the inns visited by our friends as one of those oddities -who involuntarily contributed most to the amusement of the local -wags. Lauermann, it seems, imagined himself an excellent singer, -and as a result of this presumption, evinced interest only in -those in whom he thought he recognised a like talent. In spite of -the fact that, owing to this singular peculiarity, he became the -butt of constant jest and scornful mockery, he never failed to -appear every evening among his laughter-loving persecutors. So -often had he been laughed at and hurt by their scorn, that it -became very difficult to persuade him to give a display of his -artistic skill, and this at last could only be effected by -artfully devised traps, so laid as to appeal to his vanity. My -arrival as an unknown stranger was utilised for a manoeuvre of -this kind. How poor was the opinion they held of the unfortunate -mastersinger's judgment was revealed when, to my great amazement, -my brother-in-law introduced me to him as the great Italian -singer, Lablache. To his credit I must confess that Lauermann -surveyed me for a long time with incredulous distrust, and -commented with cautious suspicion on my juvenile appearance, but -especially on the evidently tenor character of my voice. But the -whole art of these tavern associates and their principal -enjoyment consisted in leading this poor enthusiast to believe -the incredible, a task on which they spared neither time nor -pains. - -My brother-in-law succeeded in making the carpenter believe that -I, while receiving fabulous sums for my performances, wished by a -singular act of dissimulation, and by visiting public inns, to -withdraw from the general public; and that, moreover, when it -came to a meeting between 'Lauermann' and 'Lablache,' the only -real interest could be to hear Lauermann and not Lablache, seeing -that the former had nothing to learn from the latter, but only -Lablache from him. So singular was the conflict between -incredulity, on the one hand, and keenly excited vanity on the -other, that finally the poor carpenter became really attractive -to me. I began to play the role assigned me with all the skill I -could command, and after a couple of hours, which were relieved -by the strangest antics, we at last gained our end. The wondrous -mortal, whose flashing eyes had long been fixed on me in the -greatest excitement, worked his muscles in the peculiarly -fantastic fashion which we are accustomed to associate with a -music-making automaton, the mechanism of which has been duly -wound up: his lips quivered, his teeth gnashed, his eyes rolled -convulsively, until finally there broke forth, in a hoarse oily -voice, an uncommonly trivial street-ballad. Its delivery, -accompanied by a regular movement of his outstretched thumbs -behind the ears, and during which his fat face glowed the -brightest red, was unhappily greeted with a wild burst of -laughter from all present, which excited the unlucky master to -the most furious wrath. With studied cruelty this wrath was -greeted by those, who until then had shamelessly flattered him, -with the most extravagant mockery, until the poor wretch at last -absolutely foamed with rage. - -As he was leaving the inn amid a hail of curses from his infamous -friends, an impulse of genuine pity prompted me to follow him, -that I might beg his forgiveness and seek in some way to pacify -him, a task all the more difficult since he was especially bitter -against me as the latest of his enemies, and the one who had so -deeply deceived his eager hope of hearing the genuine Lablache. -Nevertheless, I succeeded in stopping him on the threshold; and -now the riotous company silently entered into an extraordinary -conspiracy to induce Lauermann to sing again that very evening. -How they managed this I can as little remember as I can call to -mind the effect of the spirituous liquors I imbibed. In any case, -I suspect that drink must eventually have been the means of -subduing Lauermann, just as it also rendered my own recollections -of the wonderful events of that prolonged evening at the inn -extremely vague. After Lauermann had for the second time suffered -the same mockery, the whole company felt itself bound to -accompany the unhappy man to his home. They carried him thither -in a wheelbarrow, which they found outside the house, and in this -he arrived, in triumph, at his own door, in one of those -marvellous narrow alleys peculiar to the old city. Frau -Lauermann, who was aroused from slumber to receive her husband, -enabled us, by her torrent of curses, to form some idea of the -nature of their marital and domestic relations. Mockery of her -husband's vocal talents was with her also a familiar theme; but -to this she now added the most dreadful reproaches for the -worthless scamps who, by encouraging him in this delusion, kept -him from profitably following his trade, and even led him to such -scenes as the present one. Thereupon the pride of the suffering -mastersinger reasserted itself; for while his wife painfully -assisted him to mount the stairs, he harshly denied her right to -sit in judgment upon his vocal gifts, and sternly ordered her to -be silent. But even now this wonderful night-adventure was by no -means over. The entire swarm moved once more in the direction of -the inn. Before the house, however, we found a number of fellows -congregated, among them several workmen, against whom, owing to -police regulations as to closing hours, the doors were shut. But -the regular guests of the house, who were of our party, and who -were on terms of old friendship with the host, thought that it -was nevertheless permissible and possible to demand entrance. The -host was troubled at having to bar his door against friends, -whose voices he recognised; yet it was necessary to prevent the -new arrivals from forcing a way in with them. Out of this -situation a mighty confusion arose, which, what with shouting and -clamour and an inexplicable growth in the number of the -disputants, soon assumed a truly demoniacal character. It seemed -to me as though in a few moments the whole town would break into -a tumult, and I thought I should once more have to witness a -revolution, the real origin of which no man could comprehend. -Then suddenly I heard some one fall, and, as though by magic, the -whole mass scattered in every direction. One of the regular -guests, who was familiar with an ancient Nuremberg boxing trick, -desiring to put an end to the interminable riot and to cut his -way home through the crowd, gave one of the noisiest shouters a -blow with his fist between the eyes, laying him senseless on the -ground, though without seriously injuring him. And this it was -that so speedily broke up the whole throng. Within little more -than a minute of the most violent uproar of hundreds of human -voices, my brother-in-law and I were able to stroll arm-in-arm -through the moonlit streets, quietly jesting and laughing, on our -way home; and then it was that, to my amazement and relief, he -informed me that he was accustomed to this sort of life every -evening. - -At last, however, it became necessary seriously to attend to the -purpose of my journey. Only in passing did I touch at Wurzburg -for a day. I remember nothing of the meeting with my relations -and acquaintance beyond the melancholy visit to Friederike -Galvani already mentioned. On reaching Frankfort I was obliged to -seek at once the shelter of a decent hotel, in order to await -there the result of my solicitations for subsidies from the -directorate of the Magdeburg theatre. My hopes of securing the -real stars of our operatic undertaking were formed with a view to -a season at Wiesbaden, where, I was told, a good operatic company -was on the point of dissolution. I found it extremely difficult -to arrange the short journey thither; yet I managed to be present -at a rehearsal of Robert der Teufel, in which the tenor -Freimuller distinguished himself. I interviewed him at once, and -found him willing to entertain my proposals for Magdeburg. We -concluded the necessary agreement, and I then returned with all -speed to my headquarters, the Weidenbusch Hotel in Frankfort. -There I had to spend another anxious week, during which I waited -in vain for the necessary travelling expenses to arrive from -Magdeburg. To kill time I had recourse, among other things, to a -large red pocket-book which I carried about with me in my -portmanteau, and in which I entered, with exact details of dates, -etc., notes for my future biography--the selfsame book which now -lies before me to freshen my memory, and which I have ever since -added to at various periods of my life, without leaving any gaps. -Through the neglect of the Magdeburg managers my situation, which -was already serious, became literally desperate, when I made an -acquisition in Frankfort which gave me almost more pleasure than -I was able to bear. I had been present at a production of the -Zauberflote under the direction of Guhr, then wonderfully -renowned as 'a conductor of genius,' and was agreeably surprised -at the truly excellent quality of the company. It was, of course, -useless to think of luring one of the leading stars into my net; -on the other hand, I saw clearly enough that the youthful -Fraulein Limbach, who sang the 'first boy's' part, possessed a -desirable talent. She accepted my offer of an engagement, and, -indeed, seemed so anxious to be rid of her Frankfort engagement -that she resolved to escape from it surreptitiously. She revealed -her plans to me, and begged me to assist her in carrying them -out; for, inasmuch as the directors might get wind of the affair, -there was no time to lose. At all events, the young lady assumed -that I had abundant credit, supplied for my official business -journey by the Magdeburg theatre committee, whose praises I had -so diligently sung. But already I had been compelled to pledge my -scanty travelling gear in order to provide for my own departure. -To this point I had persuaded the host, but now found him by no -means inclined to advance me the additional funds needed for -carrying off a young singer. To cloak the bad behaviour of my -directors I was compelled to invent some tale of misfortune, and -to leave the astonished and indignant young lady behind. Heartily -ashamed of this adventure, I travelled through rain and storm via -Leipzig, where I picked up my brown poodle, and reaching -Magdeburg, there resumed my work as musical director on the 1st -of September. - -The result of my business labours gave me but little joy. The -director, it is true, proved triumphantly that he had sent five -whole golden louis to my address in Frankfort, and that my tenor -and the youthful lady-singer had also been provided with proper -contracts, but not with the fares and advances demanded. Neither -of them came; only the basso Graf arrived with pedantic -punctuality from Karlsbad, and immediately provoked the chaff of -our theatrical wags. He sang at a rehearsal of the -Schweizerfamilie with such a schoolmasterly drone that I -completely lost my composure. The arrival of my excellent -brother-in-law Wolfram with my sister Clara was of more advantage -for musical comedy than for grand opera, and caused me -considerable trouble into the bargain; for, being honest folk and -used to decent living, they speedily perceived that, in spite of -royal protection, the condition of the theatre was but very -insecure, as was natural under so unscrupulous a management as -that of Bethmann, and recognised with alarm that they had -seriously compromised their family position. My courage had -already begun to sink when a happy chance brought us a young -woman, Mme. Pollert (nee Zeibig), who was passing through -Magdeburg with her husband, an actor, in order to fulfil a -special engagement in that town; she was gifted with a beautiful -voice, was a talented singer, and well suited for the chief -roles. Necessity had at last driven the directors to action, and -at the eleventh hour they sent for the tenor Freimuller. But I -was particularly gratified when the love which had arisen between -him and young Limbach in Frankfort enabled the enterprising tenor -to carry away this singer, to whom I had behaved so miserably. -Both arrived radiant with joy. Along with them we engaged Mme. -Pollert, who, in spite of her pretentiousness, met with favour -from the public. A well-trained and musically competent baritone, -Herr Krug, afterwards the conductor of a choir in Karlsruhe, had -also been discovered, so that all at once I stood at the head of -a really good operatic company, among which the basso Graf could -be fitted in only with great difficulty, by being kept as much as -possible in the background. We succeeded quickly with a series of -operatic performances which were by no means ordinary, and our -repertory included everything of this nature that had ever been -written for the theatre. I was particularly pleased with the -presentation of Spohr's Jessonda, which was truly not without -sublimity, and raised us high in the esteem of all cultured -lovers of music. I was untiring in my endeavours to discover some -means of elevating our performances above the usual level of -excellence compatible with the meagre resources of provincial -theatres. I persistently fell foul of the director Bethmann by -strengthening my orchestra, which he had to pay; but, on the -other hand, I won his complete goodwill by strengthening the -chorus and the theatre music, which cost him nothing, and which -lent such splendour to our presentations that subscriptions and -audiences increased enormously. For instance, I secured the -regimental band, and also the military singers, who in the -Prussian army are admirably organised, and who assisted in our -performances in return for free passes to the gallery granted to -their relatives. Thus I managed to furnish with the utmost -completeness the specially strong orchestral accompaniment -demanded by the score of Bellini's Norma, and was able to dispose -of a body of male voices for the impressive unison portion of the -male chorus in the introduction of that work such as even the -greatest theatres could rarely command. In later years I was able -to assure Auber, whom I often met over an ice in Tortoni's cafe -in Paris, that in his Lestocq I had been able to render the part -of the mutinous soldiery, when seduced into conspiracy, with an -absolutely full number of voices, a fact for which he thanked me -with astonishment and delight. - -Amid such circumstances of encouragement the composition of my -Liebesverbot made rapid strides towards completion. I intended -the presentation of this piece for the benefit performance which -had been promised me as a means of defraying my expenses, and I -worked hard in the hope of improving my reputation, and at the -same time of accomplishing something by no means less desirable, -and that was the betterment of my financial position. Even the -few hours which I could snatch from business to spend at Minna's -side were devoted with unexampled zeal to the completion of my -score. My diligence moved even Minna's mother, who looked with -some uneasiness upon our love affair. She had remained over the -summer on a visit to her daughter, and managed the house for her. -Owing to her interference a new and urgent anxiety had entered -into our relations, which pressed for serious settlement. It was -natural that we should begin to think of what it was all going to -lead to. I must confess that the idea of marriage, especially in -view of my youth, filled me with dismay, and without indeed -reflecting on the matter, or seriously weighing its pros and -cons, a naive and instinctive feeling prevented me even from -considering the possibility of a step which would have such -serious consequences upon my whole life. Moreover, our modest -circumstances were in so alarming and uncertain a state that even -Minna declared that she was more anxious to see these improved -than to get me to marry her. But she was also driven to think of -herself, and that promptly, for trouble arose with regard to her -own position in the Magdeburg theatre. There she had met with a -rival in her own speciality, and as this woman's husband became -chief stage manager, and consequently had supreme power, she grew -to be a source of great danger. Seeing, therefore, that at this -very moment Minna received advantageous offers from the managers -of the Konigstadt theatre in Berlin, then doing a splendid -business, she seized the opportunity to break off her connection -with the Magdeburg theatre, and thus plunged me, whom she did not -appear to consider in the matter, into the depths of despair. I -could not hinder Minna from going to Berlin to fulfil a special -engagement there, although this was not in accordance with her -agreement, and so she departed, leaving me behind, overcome with -grief and doubt as to the meaning of her conduct. At last, mad -with passion, I wrote to her urging her to return, and the better -to move her and not to separate her fate from my own, I proposed -to her in a strictly formal manner, and hinted at the hope of -early marriage. About the same time my brother-in-law, Wolfram, -having quarrelled with the director Bethmann and cancelled his -contract with him, also went to the Konigstadt theatre to fulfil -a special engagement. My good sister Clara, who had remained -behind for a while amid the somewhat unpleasant conditions of -Magdeburg, soon perceived the anxious and troubled temper in -which her otherwise cheerful brother was rapidly consuming -himself. One day she thought it advisable to show me a letter -from her husband, with news from Berlin, and especially -concerning Minna, in which he earnestly deplored my passion for -this girl, who was acting quite unworthily of me. As she lodged -at his hotel, he was able to observe that not only the company -she kept, but also her own conduct, were perfectly scandalous. -The extraordinary impression which this dreadful communication -made upon me decided me to abandon the reserve I had hitherto -shown towards my relatives with regard to my love affairs. I -wrote to my brother-in-law in Berlin, telling him how matters -stood with me, and that my plans greatly depended on Minna, and -further, how extremely important it was for me to learn from him -the indubitable truth concerning her of whom he had sent so evil -an account. From my brother-in-law, usually so dry and given to -joking, I received a reply which filled my heart to overflowing -again. He confessed that he had accused Minna too hastily, and -regretted that he had allowed idle chatter to influence him in -founding a charge, which, on investigation, had proved to be -altogether groundless and unjust; he declared, moreover, that on -nearer acquaintance and conversation with her he had been so -fully convinced of the genuineness and uprightness of her -character, that he hoped with all his heart that I might see my -way to marry her. And now a storm raged in my heart. I implored -Minna to return at once, and was glad to learn that, for her -part, she was not inclined to renew her engagement at the Berlin -theatre, as she had now acquired a more intimate knowledge of the -life there, and found it too frivolous. All that remained, then, -was for me to facilitate the resumption of her Magdeburg -engagement. To this end, therefore, at a meeting of the theatre -committee, I attacked the director and his detested stage manager -with such energy, and defended Minna against the wrong done her -by them both with such passion and fervour, that the other -members, astonished at the frank confession of my affection, -yielded to my wishes without any further ado. And now I set off -by extra post in the depth of night and in dreadful winter -weather to meet my returning sweetheart. I greeted her with tears -of deepest joy, and led her back in triumph to her cosy Magdeburg -home, already become so dear to me. - -Meanwhile, as our two lives, thus severed for a while, were being -drawn more and more closely together, I finished the score of my -Liebesverbot about New Year 1836. For the development of my -future plans I depended not a little upon the success of this -work; and Minna herself seemed not disinclined to yield to my -hopes in this respect. We had reason to be concerned as to how -matters would pan out for us at the beginning of the spring, for -this season is always a bad one in which to start such precarious -theatrical enterprises. In spite of royal support and the -participation of the theatre committee in the general management -of the theatre, our worthy director's state of perennial -bankruptcy suffered no alteration, and it seemed as if his -theatrical undertaking could not possibly last much longer in any -form. Nevertheless, with the help of the really first-rate -company of singers at my disposal, the production of my opera was -to mark a complete change in my unsatisfactory circumstances. -With the view of recovering the travelling expenses I had -incurred during the previous summer, I was entitled to a benefit -performance. I naturally fixed this for the presentation of my -own work, and did my utmost so that this favour granted me by the -directors should prove as inexpensive to them as possible. As -they would nevertheless be compelled to incur some expense in the -production of the new opera, I agreed that the proceeds of the -first presentation should be left to them, while I should claim -only those of the second. I did not consider it altogether -unsatisfactory that the time for the rehearsals was postponed -until the very end of the season, for it was reasonable to -suppose that our company, which was often greeted with unusual -applause, would receive special attention and favour from the -public during its concluding performances. Unfortunately, -however, contrary to our expectations, we never reached the -proper close of this season, which had been fixed for the end of -April; for already in March, owing to irregularity in the payment -of salaries, the most popular members of the company, having -found better employment elsewhere, tendered their resignations to -the management, and the director, who was unable to raise the -necessary cash, was compelled to bow to the inevitable. Now, -indeed, my spirits sank, for it seemed more than doubtful whether -my Liebesverbot would ever be produced at all. I owed it entirely -to the warm affection felt for me personally by all members of -the opera company, that the singers consented not only to remain -until the end of March, but also to undertake the toil of -studying and rehearsing my opera, a task which, considering the -very limited time, promised to be extremely arduous. In the event -of our having to give two representations, the time at our -disposal was so very short that, for all the rehearsals, we had -but ten days before us. And since we were concerned not with a -light comedy or farce, but with a grand opera, and one which, in -spite of the trifling character of its music, contained numerous -and powerful concerted passages, the undertaking might have been -regarded almost as foolhardy. Nevertheless, I built my hopes upon -the extraordinary exertions which the singers so willingly made -in order to please me; for they studied continuously, morning, -noon, and night. But seeing that, in spite of all this, it was -quite impossible to attain to perfection, especially in the -matter of words, in the case of every one of these harassed -performers, I reckoned further on my own acquired skill as -conductor to achieve the final miracle of success. The peculiar -ability I possessed of helping the singers and of making them, in -spite of much uncertainty, seem to flow smoothly onwards, was -clearly demonstrated in our orchestral rehearsals, in which, by -dint of constant prompting, loud singing with the performers and -vigorous directions as to necessary action, I got the whole thing -to run so easily that it seemed quite possible that the -performance might be a reasonable success after all. -Unfortunately, we did not consider that in front of the public -all these drastic methods of moving the dramatic and musical -machinery would be restricted to the movements of my baton and to -my facial expression. As a matter of fact the singers, and -especially the men, were so extraordinarily uncertain that from -beginning to end their embarrassment crippled the effectiveness -of every one of their parts. Freimuller, the tenor, whose memory -was most defective, sought to patch up the lively and emotional -character of his badly learned rule of the madcap Luzio by means -of routine work learned in Fra Diavolo and Zampa, and especially -by the aid of an enormously thick, brightly coloured and -fluttering plume of feathers. Consequently, as the directors -failed to have the book of words printed in time, it was -impossible to blame the public for being in doubt as to the main -outlines of the story, seeing that they had only the sung words -to guide them. With the exception of a few portions played by the -lady singers, which were favourably received, the whole -performance, which I had made to depend largely upon bold, -energetic action and speech, remained but a musical shadow-play, -to which the orchestra contributed its own inexplicable -effusions, sometimes with exaggerated noise. As characteristic of -the treatment of my tone-colour, I may mention that the band- -master of a Prussian military band, who, by the bye, had been -well pleased with the performance, felt it incumbent upon him to -give me some well-meant hints for my future guidance, as to the -manipulation of the Turkish drum. Before I relate the further -history of this wonderful work of my youth, I will pause a moment -briefly to describe its character, and especially its poetical -elements. - -Shakespeare's play, which I kept throughout in mind as the -foundation of my story, was worked out in the following manner:-- - -An unnamed king of Sicily leaves his country, as I suggest, for a -journey to Naples, and hands over to the Regent appointed--whom I -simply call Friedrich, with the view of making him appear as -German as possible--full authority to exercise all the royal -power in order to effect a complete reform in the social habits -of his capital, which had provoked the indignation of the -Council. At the opening of the play we see the servants of the -public authority busily employed either in shutting up or in -pulling down the houses of popular amusement in a suburb of -Palermo, and in carrying off the inmates, including hosts and -servants, as prisoners. The populace oppose this first step, and -much scuffling ensues. In the thickest of the throng the chief of -the sbirri, Brighella (basso-buffo), after a preliminary roll of -drums for silence, reads out the Regent's proclamation, according -to which the acts just performed are declared to be directed -towards establishing a higher moral tone in the manners and -customs of the people. A general outburst of scorn and a mocking -chorus meets this announcement. Luzio, a young nobleman and -juvenile scape-grace (tenor), seems inclined to thrust himself -forward as leader of the mob, and at once finds an occasion for -playing a more active part in the cause of the oppressed people -on discovering his friend Claudio (also a tenor) being led away -to prison. From him he learns that, in pursuance of some musty -old law unearthed by Friedrich, he is to suffer the penalty of -death for a certain love escapade in which he is involved. His -sweetheart, union with whom had been prevented by the enmity of -their parents, has borne him a child. Friedrich's puritanical -zeal joins cause with the parents' hatred; he fears the worst, -and sees no way of escape save through mercy, provided his sister -Isabella may be able, by her entreaties, to melt the Regent's -hard heart. Claudio implores his friend at once to seek out -Isabella in the convent of the Sisters of St. Elizabeth, which -she has recently entered as novice. There, between the quiet -walls of the convent, we first meet this sister, in confidential -intercourse with her friend Marianne, also a novice. Marianne -reveals to her friend, from whom she has long been parted, the -unhappy fate which has brought her to the place. Under vows of -eternal fidelity she had been persuaded to a secret liaison with -a man of high rank. But finally, when in extreme need she found -herself not only forsaken, but threatened by her betrayer, she -discovered him to be the mightiest man in the state, none other -than the King's Regent himself. Isabella's indignation finds vent -in impassioned words, and is only pacified by her determination -to forsake a world in which so vile a crime can go unpunished.-- -When now Luzio brings her tidings of her own brother's fate, her -disgust at her brother's misconduct is turned at once to scorn -for the villainy of the hypocritical Regent, who presumes so -cruelly to punish the comparatively venial offence of her -brother, which, at least, was not stained by treachery. Her -violent outburst imprudently reveals her to Luzio in a seductive -aspect; smitten with sudden love, he urges her to quit the -convent for ever and to accept his hand. She contrives to check -his boldness, but resolves at once to avail herself of his escort -to the Regent's court of justice.--Here the trial scene is -prepared, and I introduce it by a burlesque hearing of several -persons charged by the sbirro captain with offences against -morality. The earnestness of the situation becomes more marked -when the gloomy form of Friedrich strides through the inrushing -and unruly crowd, commanding silence, and he himself undertakes -the hearing of Claudio's case in the sternest manner possible. -The implacable judge is already on the point of pronouncing -sentence when Isabella enters, and requests, before them all, a -private interview with the Regent. In this interview she behaves -with noble moderation towards the dreaded, yet despised man -before her, and appeals at first only to his mildness and mercy. -His interruptions merely serve to stimulate her ardour: she -speaks of her brother's offence in melting accents, and implores -forgiveness for so human and by no means unpardonable a crime. -Seeing the effect of her moving appeal, she continues with -increasing ardour to plead with the judge's hard and unresponsive -heart, which can certainly not have remained untouched by -sentiments such as those which had actuated her brother, and she -calls upon his memory of these to support her desperate plea for -pity. At last the ice of his heart is broken. Friedrich, deeply -stirred by Isabella's beauty, can no longer contain himself, and -promises to grant her petition at the price of her own love. -Scarcely has she become aware of the unexpected effect of her -words when, filled with indignation at such incredible villainy, -she cries to the people through doors and windows to come in, -that she may unmask the hypocrite before the world. The crowd is -already rushing tumultuously into the hall of judgment, when, by -a few significant hints, Friedrich, with frantic energy, succeeds -in making Isabella realise the impossibility of her plan. He -would simply deny her charge, boldly pretend that his offer was -merely made to test her, and would doubtless be readily believed -so soon as it became only a question of rebutting a charge of -lightly making love to her. Isabella, ashamed and confounded, -recognises the madness of her first step, and gnashes her teeth -in silent despair. While then Friedrich once more announces his -stern resolve to the people, and pronounces sentence on the -prisoner, it suddenly occurs to Isabella, spurred by the painful -recollection of Marianne's fate, that what she has failed to -procure by open means she might possibly obtain by craft. This -thought suffices to dispel her sorrow, and to fill her with -utmost gaiety. Turning to her sorrowing brother, her agitated -friends, and the perplexed crowd, she assures them all that she -is ready to provide them with the most amusing of adventures. She -declares that the carnival festivities, which the Regent has just -strictly forbidden, are to be celebrated this year with unusual -licence; for this dreaded ruler only pretends to be so cruel, in -order the more pleasantly to astonish them by himself taking a -merry part in all that he has just forbidden. They all believe -that she has gone mad, and Friedrich in particular reproves her -incomprehensible folly with passionate severity. But a few words -on her part suffice to transport the Regent himself with ecstasy; -for in a whisper she promises to grant his desire, and that on -the following night she will send him such a message as shall -ensure his happiness.--And so ends the first act in a whirl of -excitement. - -We learn the nature of the heroine's hastily formed plan at the -beginning of the second act, in which she visits her brother in -his cell, with the object of discovering whether he is worthy of -rescue. She reveals Friedrich's shameful proposal to him, and -asks if he would wish to save his life at the price of his -sister's dishonour. Then follow Claudio's fury and fervent -declaration of his readiness to die; whereupon, bidding farewell -to his sister, at least for this life, he makes her the bearer of -the most tender messages to the dear girl whom he leaves behind. -After this, sinking into a softer mood, the unhappy man declines -from a state of melancholy to one of weakness. Isabella, who had -already determined to inform him of his rescue, hesitates in -dismay when she sees him fall in this way from the heights of -noble enthusiasm to a muttered confession of a love of life still -as strong as ever, and even to a stammering query as to whether -the suggested price of his salvation is altogether impossible. -Disgusted, she springs to her feet, thrusts the unworthy man from -her, and declares that to the shame of his death he has further -added her most hearty contempt. After having handed him over -again to his gaoler, her mood once more changes swiftly to one of -wanton gaiety. True, she resolves to punish the waverer by -leaving him for a time in uncertainty as to his fate; but stands -firm by her resolve to rid the world of the abominable seducer -who dared to dictate laws to his fellow-men. She tells Marianne -that she must take her place at the nocturnal rendezvous, at -which Friedrich so treacherously expected to meet her (Isabella), -and sends Friedrich an invitation to this meeting. In order to -entangle the latter even more deeply in ruin, she stipulates that -he must come disguised and masked, and fixes the rendezvous in -one of those pleasure resorts which he has just suppressed. To -the madcap Luzio, whom she also desires to punish for his saucy -suggestion to a novice, she relates the story of Friedrich's -proposal, and her pretended intention of complying, from sheer -necessity, with his desires. This she does in a fashion so -incomprehensively light-hearted that the otherwise frivolous man, -first dumb with amazement, ultimately yields to a fit of -desperate rage. He swears that, even if the noble maiden herself -can endure such shame, he will himself strive by every means in -his power to avert it, and would prefer to set all Palermo on -fire and in tumult rather than allow such a thing to happen. And, -indeed, he arranges things in such a manner that on the appointed -evening all his friends and acquaintances assemble at the end of -the Corso, as though for the opening of the prohibited carnival -procession. At nightfall, as things are beginning to grow wild -and merry, Luzio appears, and sings an extravagant carnival song, -with the refrain: - - Who joins us not in frolic jest - Shall have a dagger in his breast; - -by which means he seeks to stir the crowd to bloody revolt. When -a band of sbirri approaches, under Brighella's leadership, to -scatter the gay throng, the mutinous project seems on the point -of being accomplished. But for the present Luzio prefers to -yield, and to scatter about the neighbourhood, as he must first -of all win the real leader of their enterprise: for here was the -spot which Isabella had mischievously revealed to him as the -place of her pretended meeting with the Regent. For the latter -Luzio therefore lies in wait. Recognising him in an elaborate -disguise, he blocks his way, and as Friedrich violently breaks -loose, is on the point of following him with shouts and drawn -sword, when, on a sign from Isabella, who is hidden among some -bushes, he is himself stopped and led away. Isabella then -advances, rejoicing in the thought of having restored the -betrayed Marianne to her faithless spouse. Believing that she -holds in her hand the promised pardon for her brother, she is -just on the point of abandoning all thought of further vengeance -when, breaking the seal, to her intense horror she recognises by -the light of a torch that the paper contains but a still more -severe order of execution, which, owing to her desire not to -disclose to her brother the fact of his pardon, a mere chance had -now delivered into her hand, through the agency of the bribed -gaoler. After a hard fight with the tempestuous passion of love, -and recognising his helplessness against this enemy of his peace, -Friedrich has in fact already resolved to face his ruin, even -though as a criminal, yet still as a man of honour. An hour on -Isabella's breast, and then--his own death by the same law whose -implacable severity shall also claim Claudio's life. Isabella, -perceiving in this conduct only a further proof of the -hypocrite's villainy, breaks out once more into a tempest of -agonised despair. Upon her cry for immediate revolt against the -scoundrelly tyrant, the people collect together and form a motley -and passionate crowd. Luzio, who also returns, counsels the -people with stinging bitterness to pay no heed to the woman's -fury; he points out that she is only tricking them, as she has -already tricked him--for he still believes in her shameless -infidelity. Fresh confusion; increased despair of Isabella; -suddenly from the background comes the burlesque cry of Brighella -for help, who, himself suffering from the pangs of jealousy, has -by mistake arrested the masked Regent, and thus led to the -latter's discovery. Friedrich is recognised, and Marianne, -trembling on his breast, is also unmasked. Amazement, -indignation! Cries of joy burst forth all round; the needful -explanations are quickly given, and Friedrich sullenly demands to -be set before the judgment-seat of the returning King. Claudio, -released from prison by the jubilant populace, informs him that -the sentence of death for crimes of love is not intended for all -times; messengers arrive to announce the unexpected arrival in -harbour of the King; it is resolved to march in full masked -procession to meet the beloved Prince, and joyously to pay him -homage, all being convinced that he will heartily rejoice to see -how ill the gloomy puritanism of Germany is suited to his hot- -blooded Sicily. Of him it is said: - -Your merry festals please him more -Than gloomy laws or legal lore. - -Friedrich, with his freshly affianced wife, Marianne, must lead -the procession, followed by Luzio and the novice, who is for ever -lost to the convent. - -These spirited and, in many respects, boldly devised scenes I had -clothed in suitable language and carefully written verse, which -had already been noticed by Laube. The police at first took -exception to the title of the work, which, had I not changed it, -would have led to the complete failure of my plans for its -presentation. It was the week before Easter, and the theatre was -consequently forbidden to produce jolly, or at least frivolous, -plays during this period. Luckily the magistrate, with whom I had -to treat concerning the matter, did not show any inclination to -examine the libretto himself; and when I assured him that it was -modelled upon a very serious play of Shakespeare's, the -authorities contented themselves merely with changing the -somewhat startling title. Die Novize van Palermo, which was the -new title, had nothing suspicious about it, and was therefore -approved as correct without further scruple. I fared quite -otherwise in Leipzig, where I attempted to introduce this work in -the place of my Feen, when the latter was withdrawn. The -director, Ringelhardt, whom I sought to win over to my cause by -assigning the part of Marianne to his daughter, then making her -debut in opera, chose to reject my work on the apparently very -reasonable grounds that the tendency of the theme displeased him. -He assured me that, even if the Leipzig magistrates had consented -to its production--a fact concerning which his high esteem for -that body led him to have serious doubts--he himself, as a -conscientious father, could certainly not permit his daughter to -take part in it. - -Strange to say, I suffered nothing from the suspicious nature of -the libretto of my opera on the occasion of its production in -Magdeburg; for, as I have said, thanks to the unintelligible -manner in which it was produced, the story remained a complete -mystery to the public. This circumstance, and the fact that no -opposition had been raised on the ground of its TENDENCY, made a -second performance possible, and as nobody seemed to care one way -or the other, no objections were raised. Feeling sure that my -opera had made no impression, and had left the public completely -undecided about its merits, I reckoned that, in view of this -being the farewell performance of our opera company, we should -have good, not to say large, takings. Consequently I did not -hesitate to charge 'full' prices for admittance. I cannot rightly -judge whether, up to the commencement of the overture, any people -had taken their places in the auditorium; but about a quarter of -an hour before the time fixed for beginning, I saw only Mme. -Gottschalk and her husband, and, curiously enough, a Polish Jew -in full dress, seated in the stalls. Despite this, I was still -hoping for an increase in the audience, when suddenly the most -incredible commotion occurred behind the scenes. Herr Pollert, -the husband of my prima donna (who was acting Isabella), was -assaulting Schreiber, the second tenor, a very young and handsome -man taking the part of Claudio, and against whom the injured -husband had for some time been nursing a secret rancour born of -jealousy. It appeared that the singer's husband, who had surveyed -the theatre from behind the drop-scene with me, had satisfied -himself as to the style of the audience, and decided that the -longed-for hour was at hand when, without injuring the operatic -enterprise, he could wreak vengeance on his wife's lover. Claudio -was so severely used by him that the unfortunate fellow had to -seek refuge in the dressing-room, his face covered with blood. -Isabella was told of this, and rushed despairingly to her raging -spouse, only to be so soundly cuffed by him that she went into -convulsions. The confusion that ensued amongst the company soon -knew no bounds: they took sides in the quarrel, and little was -wanting for it to turn into a general fight, as everybody seemed -to regard this unhappy evening as particularly favourable for the -paying off of any old scores and supposed insults. This much was -clear, that the couple suffering from the effects of Herr -Pollert's conjugal resentment were unfit to appear that evening. -The manager was sent before the drop-scene to inform the small -and strangely assorted audience gathered in the theatre that, -owing to unforeseen circumstances, the representation would not -take place. - -This was the end of my career as director and composer in -Magdeburg, which in the beginning had seemed so full of promise -and had been started at the cost of considerable sacrifice. The -serenity of art now gave way completely before the stern -realities of life. My position gave food for meditation, and the -outlook was not a cheerful one. All the hopes that I and Minna -had founded upon the success of my work had been utterly -destroyed. My creditors, who had been appeased by the -anticipation of the expected harvest, lost faith in my talents, -and now counted solely on obtaining bodily possession of me, -which they endeavoured to do by speedily instituting legal -proceedings. Now that every time I came home I found a summons -nailed to my door, my little dwelling in the Breiter Weg became -unbearable; I avoided going there, especially since my brown -poodle, who had hitherto enlivened this retreat, had vanished, -leaving no trace. This I looked upon as a bad sign, indicating my -complete downfall. - -At this time Minna, with her truly comforting assurance and -firmness of bearing, was a tower of strength to me and the one -thing I had left to fall back upon. Always full of resource, she -had first of all provided for her own future, and was on the -point of signing a not unfavourable contract with the directors -of the theatre at Konigsberg in Prussia. It was now a question of -finding me an appointment in the same place as musical conductor; -this post was already filled. The Konigsberg director, however, -gathering from our correspondence that Minna's acceptance of the -engagement depended upon the possibility of my being taken on at -the same theatre, held out the prospect of an approaching -vacancy, and expressed his willingness to allow it to be filled -by me. On the strength of this assurance it was decided that -Minna should go on to Konigsberg and pave the way for my arrival -there. - -Ere these plans could be carried out, we had still to spend a -time of dreadful and acute anxiety, which I shall never forget, -within the walls of Magdeburg. It is true I made one more -personal attempt in Leipzig to improve my position, on which -occasion I entered into the transactions mentioned above with the -director of the theatre regarding my new opera. But I soon -realised that it was out of the question for me to remain in my -native town, and in the disquieting proximity of my family, from -which I was restlessly anxious to get away. My excitability and -depression were noticed by my relations. My mother entreated me, -whatever else I might decide to do, on no account to be drawn -into marriage while still so young. To this I made no reply. When -I took my leave, Rosalie accompanied me to the head of the -stairs. I spoke of returning as soon as I had attended to certain -important business matters, and wanted to wish her a hurried -good-bye: she grasped my hand, and gazing into my face, -exclaimed, "God alone knows when I shall see you again!" This cut -me to the heart, and I felt conscience-stricken. The fact that -she was expressing the presentiment she felt of her early death I -only realised when, barely two years later, without having seen -her again, I received the news that she had died very suddenly. - -I spent a few more weeks with Minna in the strictest retirement -in Magdeburg: she endeavoured to the best of her ability to -relieve the embarrassment of my position. In view of our -approaching separation, and the length of time we might be -parted, I hardly left her side, our only relaxation being the -walks we took together round the outskirts of the town. Anxious -forebodings weighed upon us; the May sun which lit the sad -streets of Magdeburg, as if in mockery of our forlorn condition, -was one day more clouded over than I have ever seen it since, and -filled me with a positive dread. On our way home from one of -these walks, as we were approaching the bridge crossing the Elbe, -we caught sight of a man flinging himself from it into the water -beneath. We ran to the bank, called for help, and persuaded a -miller, whose mill was situated on the river, to hold out a rake -to the drowning man, who was being swept in his direction by the -current. With indescribable anxiety we waited for the decisive -moment--saw the sinking man stretch out his hands towards the -rake, but he failed to grasp it, and at the same moment -disappeared under the mill, never to be seen again. On the -morning that I accompanied Minna to the stage-coach to bid her a -most sorrowful farewell, the whole population was pouring from -one of the gateways of the town towards a big field, to witness -the execution of a man condemned to be put to death on the wheel -'from below.' - -[Footnote: Durch das Rod van unten. The punishment of the wheel -was usually inflicted upon murderers, incendiaries, highwaymen -and church robbers. There were two methods of inflicting this: -(1) 'from above downwards' (von oben nach unten), in which the -condemned man was despatched instantly owing to his neck getting -broken from the start; and (2) 'from below upwards' (von unten -nach oben), which is the method referred to above, and in which -all the limbs of the victim were broken previous to his body -being actually twisted through the spokes of the wheel.--Editor ] - -The culprit was a soldier who had murdered his sweetheart in a -fit of jealousy. When, later in the day, I sat down to my last -dinner at the inn, I heard the dreadful details of the Prussian -mode of execution being discussed on all sides. A young -magistrate, who was a great lover of music, told us about a -conversation he had had with the executioner, who had been -procured from Halle, and with whom he had discussed the most -humane method of hastening the death of the victim; in telling us -about him, he recalled the elegant dress and manners of this ill- -omened person with a shudder. - -These were the last impressions I carried away from the scene of -my first artistic efforts and of my attempts at earning an -independent livelihood. Often since then on my departure from -places where I had expected to find prosperity, and to which I -knew I should never return, those impressions have recurred to my -mind with singular persistence. I have always had much the same -feelings upon leaving any place where I had stayed in the hope of -improving my position. - -Thus I arrived in Berlin for the first time on the 18th May, -1836, and made acquaintance with the peculiar features of that -pretentious royal capital. While my position was an uncertain -one, I sought a modest shelter at the Crown Prince in the -Konigstrasse, where Minna had stayed a few months before. I found -a friend on whom I could rely when I came across Laube again, -who, while awaiting his verdict, was busying himself with private -and literary work in Berlin. He was much interested in the fate -of my work Liebesverbot, and advised me to turn my present -situation to account for the purpose of obtaining the production -of this opera at the Konigstadt theatre. This theatre was under -the direction of one of the most curious creatures in Berlin: he -was called 'Cerf,' and the title of Commissionsrath had been -conferred upon him by the King of Prussia. To account for the -favours bestowed upon him by royalty, many reasons of a not very -edifying nature were circulated. Through this royal patronage he -had succeeded in extending considerably the privileges already -enjoyed by the suburban theatre. The decline of grand opera at -the Theatre Royal had brought light opera, which was performed -with great success at the Konigstadt theatre, into public favour. -The director, puffed up by success, openly laboured under the -delusion that he was the right man in the right place, and -expressed his entire agreement with those who declared that one -could only expect a theatre to be successfully managed by common -and uneducated men, and continued to cling to his blissful and -boundless state of ignorance in the most amusing manner. Relying -absolutely upon his own insight, he had assumed an entirely -dictatorial attitude towards the officially appointed artists of -his theatre, and allowed himself to deal with them according to -his likes and dislikes. I seemed destined to be favoured by this -mode of procedure: at my very first visit Cerf expressed his -satisfaction with me, but wished to make use of me as a 'tenor.' -He offered no objection whatever to my request for the production -of my opera, but, on the contrary, promised to have it staged -immediately. He seemed particularly anxious to appoint me -conductor of the orchestra. As he was on the point of changing -his operatic company, he foresaw that his present conductor, -Glaser, the composer of Adlershorst, would hinder his plans by -taking the part of the older singers: he was therefore anxious to -have me associated with his theatre, that he might have some one -to support him who was favourably disposed towards the new -singers. - -All this sounded so plausible, that I could scarcely be blamed -for believing that the wheel of fortune had taken a favourable - turn for me, and for feeling a sense of lightheartedness at the -thought of such rosy prospects. I had scarcely allowed myself the -few modifications in my manner of living which these improved -circumstances seemed to justify, ere it was made clear to me that -my hopes were built upon sand. I was filled with positive dread -when I soon fully realised how nearly Cerf had come to defrauding -me, merely it would seem for his own amusement. After the manner -of despots, he had given his favours personally and -autocratically; the withdrawal and annulment of his promises, -however, he made known to me through his servants and -secretaries, thus placing his strange conduct towards me in the -light of the inevitable result of his dependence upon -officialdom. - -As Cerf wished to rid himself of me without even offering me -compensation, I was obliged to try to come to some understanding -regarding all that had been definitely arranged between us, and -this with the very people against whom he had previously warned -me and had wanted me to side with him. The conductor, stage -manager, secretary, etc., had to make it clear to me that my -wishes could not be satisfied, and that the director owed me no -compensation whatever for the time he had made me waste while -awaiting the fulfilment of his promises. This unpleasant -experience has been a source of pain to me ever since. - -Owing to all this my position was very much worse than it had -been before. Minna wrote to me frequently from Konigsberg, but -she had nothing encouraging to tell me with regard to my hopes in -that direction. The director of the theatre there seemed unable -to come to any clear understanding with his conductor, a -circumstance which I was afterwards able to understand, but which -at the time appeared to me inexplicable, and made my chance of -obtaining the coveted appointment seem exceedingly remote. It -seemed certain, however, that the post would be vacant in the -autumn, and as I was drifting about aimlessly in Berlin and -refused for a moment to entertain the thought of returning to -Leipzig, I snatched at this faint hope, and in imagination soared -above the Berlin quicksands to the safety of the harbour on the -Baltic. - -I only succeeded in doing so, however, after I had struggled - through difficult and serious inward conflicts to which my -relations with Minna gave rise. An incomprehensible feature in -the character of this otherwise apparently simple-minded woman -had thrown my young heart into a turmoil. A good-natured, well- -to-do tradesman of Jewish extraction, named Schwabe, who till -that time had been established in Magdeburg, made friendly -advances to me in Berlin, and I soon discovered that his sympathy -was chiefly due to the passionate interest which he had conceived -for Minna. It afterwards became clear to me that an intimacy had -existed between this man and Minna, which in itself could hardly -be considered as a breach of faith towards me, since it had ended -in a decided repulse of my rival's courtship in my favour. But -the fact of this episode having been kept so secret that I had -not had the faintest idea of it before, and also the suspicion I -could not avoid harbouring that Minna's comfortable circumstances -were in part due to this man's friendship, filled me with gloomy -misgivings. But as I have said, although I could find no real -cause to complain of infidelity, I was distracted and alarmed, -and was at last driven to the half-desperate resolve of regaining -my balance in this respect by obtaining complete possession of -Minna. It seemed to me as though my stability as a citizen as -well as my professional success would be assured by a recognised -union with Minna. The two years spent in the theatrical world -had, in fact, kept me in a constant state of distraction, of -which in my heart of hearts I was most painfully conscious. I -realised vaguely that I was on the wrong path; I longed for peace -and quiet, and hoped to find these most effectually by getting -married, and so putting an end to the state of things that had -become the source of so much anxiety to me. - -It was not surprising that Laube noticed by my untidy, -passionate, and wasted appearance that something unusual was -amiss with me. It was only in his company, which I always found -comforting, that I gained the only impressions of Berlin which -compensated me in any way for my misfortunes. The most important -artistic experience I had, came to me through the performance of -Ferdinand Cortez, conducted by Spontini himself, the spirit of -which astonished me more than anything I had ever heard before. -Though the actual production, especially as regards the chief -characters, who as a whole could not be regarded as belonging to -the flower of Berlin opera, left me unmoved, and though the effect -never reached a point that could be even distantly compared to that -produced upon me by Schroder-Devrient, yet the exceptional -precision, fire, and richly organised rendering of the whole was -new to me. I gained a fresh insight into the peculiar dignity of -big theatrical representations, which in their several parts could, -by well-accentuated rhythm, be made to attain the highest pinnacle -of art. This extraordinarily distinct impression took a drastic -hold of me, and above all served to guide me in my conception of -Rienzi, so that, speaking from an artistic point of view, Berlin -may be said to have left its traces on my development. - -For the present, however, my chief concern was to extricate -myself from my extremely helpless position. I was determined to -turn my steps to Konigsberg, and communicated my decision, and -the hopes founded upon it, to Laube. This excellent friend, -without further inquiry, made a point of exerting his energies to -free me from my present state of despair, and to help me to reach -my next destination, an object which, through the assistance of -several of his friends, he succeeded in accomplishing. When he -said good-bye to me, Laube with sympathetic foresight warned me, -should I succeed in my desired career of musical conductor, not -to allow myself to be entangled in the shallowness of stage life, -and advised me, after fatiguing rehearsals, instead of going to -my sweetheart, to take a serious book in hand, in order that my -greater gifts might not go uncultivated. I did not tell him that -by taking an early and decisive step in this direction I intended -to protect myself effectually against the dangers of theatrical -intrigues. On the 7th of July, therefore, I started on what was -at that time an extremely troublesome and fatiguing journey to -the distant town of Konigsberg. - -It seemed to me as though I were leaving the world, as I -travelled on day after day through the desert marches. Then -followed a sad and humiliating impression of Konigsberg, where, -in one of the poorest-looking suburbs, Tragheim, near the -theatre, and in a lane such as one would expect to find in a - village, I found the ugly house in which Minna lodged. The -friendly and quiet kindness of manner, however, which was -peculiar to her, soon made me feel at home. She was popular at -the theatre, and was respected by the managers and actors, a fact -which seemed to augur well for her betrothed, the part I was now -openly to assume. - -Though as yet there seemed no distinct prospect of my getting the -appointment I had come for, yet we agreed that I could hold out a -little longer, and that the matter would certainly be arranged in -the end. This was also the opinion of the eccentric Abraham -Moller, a worthy citizen of Konigsberg, who was devoted to the -theatre, and who took a very friendly interest in Minna, and -finally also in me. This man, who was already well advanced in -life, belonged to the type of theatre lovers now probably -completely extinct in Germany, but of whom so much is recorded in -the history of actors of earlier times. One could not spend an -hour in the company of this man, who at one time had gone in for -the most reckless speculations, without having to listen to his -account of the glory of the stage in former times, described in -most lively terms. As a man of means he had at one time made the -acquaintance of nearly all the great actors and actresses of his -day, and had even known how to win their friendship. Through too -great a liberality he unfortunately found himself in reduced -circumstances, and was now obliged to procure the means to -satisfy his craving for the theatre and his desire to protect -those belonging to it by entering into all kinds of strange -business transactions, in which, without running any real risk, -he felt there was something to be gained. He was accordingly only -able to afford the theatre a very meagre support, but one which -was quite in keeping with its decrepit condition. - -This strange man, of whom the theatre director, Anton Hubsch, -stood to a certain extent in awe, undertook to procure me my -appointment. The only circumstance against me was the fact that -Louis Schubert, the famous musician whom I had known from very -early times as the first violoncellist of the Magdeburg -orchestra, had come to Konigsberg from Riga, where the theatre -had been closed for a time, and where he had left his wife, in -order to fill the post of musical conductor here until the new -theatre in Riga was opened, and he could return. The -reopening of the Riga theatre, which had already been fixed -for the Easter of this year, had been postponed, and he was now -anxious not to leave Konigsberg. Since Schubert was a thorough -master in his art, and since his choosing to remain or go -depended entirely on circumstances over which he had no control, -the theatre director found himself in the embarrassing position -of having to secure some one who would be willing to wait to -enter upon his appointment till Schubert's business called him -away. Consequently a young musical conductor who was anxious to -remain in Konigsberg at any price could but be heartily welcomed -as a reserve and substitute in case of emergency. Indeed, the -director declared himself willing to give me a small retaining -fee till the time should arrive for my definite entrance upon my -duties. - -Schubert, on the contrary, was furious at my arrival; there was -no longer any necessity for his speedy return to Riga, since the -reopening of the theatre there had been postponed indefinitely. -Moreover, he had a special interest in remaining in Konigsberg, -as he had conceived a passion for the prima donna there, which -considerably lessened his desire to return to his wife. So at the -last moment he clung to his Konigsberg post with great eagerness, -regarded me as his deadly enemy, and, spurred on by his instinct -of self-preservation, used every means in his power to make my -stay in Konigsberg, and the already painful position I occupied -while awaiting his departure, a veritable hell to me. - -While in Magdeburg I had been on the friendliest footing with -both musicians and singers, and had been shown the greatest -consideration by the public, I here found I had to defend myself -on all sides against the most mortifying ill-will. This hostility -towards me, which soon made itself apparent, contributed in no -small degree to make me feel as though in coming to Konigsberg I -had gone into exile. In spite of my eagerness, I realised that -under the circumstances my marriage with Minna would prove a -hazardous undertaking. At the beginning of August the company -went to Memel for a time, to open the summer season there, and I -followed Minna a few days later. We went most of the way by sea, -and crossed the Kurische Haff in a sailing vessel in bad weather -with the wind against us--one of the most melancholy crossings I -have ever experienced. As we passed the thin strip of sand that -divides this bay from the Baltic Sea, the castle of Runsitten, -where Hoffmann laid the scene of one of his most gruesome tales -(Das Majorat), was pointed out to me. The fact that in this -desolate neighbourhood, of all places in the world, I should after -so long a lapse of time be once more brought in contact with the -fantastic impressions of my youth, had a singular and depressing -effect on my mind. The unhappy sojourn in Memel, the lamentable -role I played there, everything in short, contributed to make me -find my only consolation in Minna, who, after all, was the cause of -my having placed myself in this unpleasant position. Our friend -Abraham followed us from Konigsberg and did all kinds of queer -things to promote my interests, and was obviously anxious to put -the director and conductor at variance with each other. One day -Schubert, in consequence of a dispute with Hubsch on the previous -night, actually declared himself too unwell to attend a rehearsal -of Euryanthe, in order to force the manager to summon me suddenly -to take his place. In doing this my rival maliciously hoped that as -I was totally unprepared to conduct this difficult opera, which was -seldom played, I would expose my incapacity in a manner most -welcome to his hostile intentions. Although I had never really had -a score of Euryanthe before me, his wish was so little gratified, -that he elected to get well for the representation in order to -conduct it himself, which he would not have done if it had been -found necessary to cancel the performance on account of my -incompetence. In this wretched position, vexed in mind, exposed to -the severe climate, which even on summer evenings struck me as -horribly cold, and occupied merely in warding off the most painful -troubles of life, my time, as far as any professional advancement -was concerned, was completely lost. At last, on our return to -Konigsberg, and particularly under the guardianship of Moller, the -question as to what was to be done was more earnestly considered. -Finally, Minna and I were offered a fairly good engagement in -Danzig, through the influence of my brother-in-law Wolfram and his -wife, who had gone there. - -Moller seized this opportunity to induce the director Hubsch, who -was anxious not to lose Minna, to sign a contract including us -both, and by which it was understood that under any circumstances -I should be officially appointed as conductor at his theatre from -the following Easter. Moreover, for our wedding, a benefit -performance was promised, for which we chose Die Stumme von -Portici, to be conducted by me in person. For, as Moller -remarked, it was absolutely necessary for us to get married, and -to have a due celebration of the event; there was no getting out -of it. Minna made no objection, and all my past endeavours and -resolutions seemed to prove that my one desire was to take anchor -in the haven of matrimony. In spite of this, however, a strange -conflict was going on within me at this time. I had become -sufficiently intimate with Minna's life and character to realise -the wide difference between our two natures as fully as the -important step I was about to take necessitated; but my powers of -judgment were not yet sufficiently matured. - -My future wife was the child of poor parents, natives of Oederan -in the Erzgebirge in Saxony. Her father was no ordinary man; he -possessed enormous vitality, but in his old age showed traces of -some feebleness of mind. In his young days he had been a -trumpeter in Saxony, and in this capacity had taken part in a -campaign against the French, and had also been present at the -battle of Wagram. He afterwards became a mechanic, and took up -the trade of manufacturing cards for carding wool, and as he -invented an improvement in the process of their production, he is -said to have made a very good business of it for some time. A -rich manufacturer of Chemnitz once gave him a large order to be -delivered at the end of the year: the children, whose pliable -fingers had already proved serviceable in this respect, had to -work hard day and night, and in return the father promised them -an exceptionally happy Christmas, as he expected to get a large -sum of money. When the longed-for time arrived, however, he -received the announcement of his client's bankruptcy. The goods -that had already been delivered were lost, and the material that -remained on his hands there was no prospect of selling. The -family never succeeded in recovering from the state of confusion -into which this misfortune had thrown them; they went to Dresden, -where the father hoped to find remunerative employment as a skilled -mechanic, especially in the manufacture of pianos, of which he -supplied separate parts. He also brought away with him a large -quantity of the fine wire which had been destined for the -manufacture of the cards, and which he hoped to be able to sell at -a profit. The ten-year-old Minna was commissioned to sell separate -lots of it to the milliners for making flowers. She would set out -with a heavy basketful of wire, and had such a gift for persuading -people to buy that she soon disposed of the whole supply to the -best advantage. From this time the desire was awakened in her to be -of active use to her impoverished family, and to earn her own -living as soon as possible, in order not to be a burden on her -parents. As she grew up and developed into a strikingly beautiful -woman, she attracted the attention of men at a very early age. A -certain Herr von Einsiedel fell passionately in love with her, and -took advantage of the inexperienced young girl when she was off her -guard. Her family was thrown into the utmost consternation, and -only her mother and elder sister could be told of the terrible -position in which Minna found herself. Her father, from whose anger -the worst consequences were to be feared, was never informed that -his barely seventeen-year-old daughter had become a mother, and -under conditions that had threatened her life, had given birth to a -girl. Minna, who could obtain no redress from her seducer, now felt -doubly called upon to earn her own livelihood and leave her -father's house. Through the influence of friends, she had been -brought into contact with an amateur theatrical society: while -acting in a performance given there, she attracted the notice of -members of the Royal Court Theatre, and in particular drew the -attention of the director of the Dessau Court Theatre, who was -present, and who immediately offered her an engagement. She gladly -caught at this way of escape from her trying position, as it opened -up the possibility of a brilliant stage career, and of some day -being able to provide amply for her family. She had not the -slightest passion for the stage, and utterly devoid as she was of -any levity or coquetry, she merely saw in a theatrical career the -means of earning a quick, and possibly even a rich, livelihood. -Without any artistic training, the theatre merely meant for her the -company of actors and actresses. Whether she pleased or not seemed -of importance in her eyes only in so far as it affected her -realisation of a comfortable independence. To use all the means at -her disposal to assure this end seemed to her as necessary as it is -for a tradesman to expose his goods to the best advantage. - -The friendship of the director, manager, and favourite members of -the theatre she regarded as indispensable, whilst those -frequenters of the theatre who, through their criticism or taste, -influenced the public, and thus also had weight with the -management, she recognised as beings upon whom the attainment of -her most fervent desires depended. Never to make enemies of them -appeared so natural and so necessary that, in order to maintain -her popularity, she was prepared to sacrifice even her self- -respect. She had in this way created for herself a certain -peculiar code of behaviour, that on the one hand prompted her to -avoid scandals, but on the other hand found excuses even for -making herself conspicuous as long as she herself knew that she -was doing nothing wrong. Hence arose a mixture of -inconsistencies, the questionable sense of which she was -incapable of grasping. It was clearly impossible for her not to -lose all real sense of delicacy; she showed, however, a sense of -the fitness of things, which made her have regard to what was -considered proper, though she could not understand that mere -appearances were a mockery when they only served to cloak the -absence of a real sense of delicacy. As she was without idealism, -she had no artistic feeling; neither did she possess any talent -for acting, and her power of pleasing was due entirely to her -charming appearance. Whether in time routine would have made her -become a good actress it is impossible for me to say. The strange -power she exercised over me from the very first was in no wise -due to the fact that I regarded her in any way as the embodiment -of my ideal; on the contrary, she attracted me by the soberness -and seriousness of her character, which supplemented what I felt -to be wanting in my own, and afforded me the support that in my -wanderings after the ideal I knew to be necessary for me. - -I had soon accustomed myself never to betray my craving after the -ideal before Minna: unable to account for this even to myself, I -always made a point of avoiding the subject by passing it over -with a laugh and a joke; but, on this account, it was all the -more natural for me to feel qualms when fears arose in my mind as -to her really possessing the qualities to which I had attributed -her superiority over me. Her strange tolerance with regard to -certain familiarities and even importunities on the part of -patrons of the theatre, directed even against her person, hurt me -considerably; and on my reproaching her for this, I was driven to -despair by her assuming an injured expression as though I had -insulted her. It was quite by chance that I came across Schwabe's -letters, and thus gained an astonishing insight into her intimacy -with that man, of which she had left me in ignorance, and allowed -me to gain my first knowledge during my stay in Berlin. All my -latent jealousy, all my inmost doubts concerning Minna's -character, found vent in my sudden determination to leave the -girl at once. There was a violent scene between us, which was -typical of all our subsequent altercations. I had obviously gone -too far in treating a woman who was not passionately in love with -me, as if I had a real right over her; for, after all, she had -merely yielded to my importunity, and in no way belonged to me. -To add to my perplexity, Minna only needed to remind me that from -a worldly point of view she had refused very good offers in order -to give way to the impetuosity of a penniless young man, whose -talent had not yet been put to any real test, and to whom she had -nevertheless shown sympathy and kindness. - -What she could least forgive in me was the raging vehemence with -which I spoke, and by which she felt so insulted, that upon -realising to what excesses I had gone, there was nothing I could -do but try and pacify her by owning myself in the wrong, and -begging her forgiveness. Such was the end of this and all -subsequent scenes, outwardly; at least, always to her advantage. -But peace was undermined for ever, and by the frequent recurrence -of such quarrels, Minna's character underwent a considerable -change. Just as in later times she became perplexed by what she -considered my incomprehensible conception of art and its -proportions, which upset her ideas about everything connected -with it, so now she grew more and more confused by my greater -delicacy in regard to morality, which was very different from -hers, especially as in many other respects I displayed a freedom -of opinion which the could neither comprehend nor approve. - -A feeling of passionate resentment was accordingly roused in her -otherwise tranquil disposition. It was not surprising that this -resentment increased as the years went on, and manifested itself -in a manner characteristic of a girl sprung from the lower middle -class, in whom mere superficial polish had taken the place of any -true culture. The real torment of our subsequent life together -lay in the fact that, owing to her violence, I had lost the last -support I had hitherto found in her exceptionally sweet -disposition. At that time I was filled only with a dim foreboding -of the fateful step I was taking in marrying her. Her agreeable -and soothing qualities still had such a beneficial effect upon -me, that with the frivolity natural to me, as well as the -obstinacy with which I met all opposition, I silenced the inner -voice that darkly foreboded disaster. - -Since my journey to Konigsberg I had broken off all communication -with my family, that is to say, with my mother and Rosalie, and I -told no one of the step I had decided to take. Under my old -friend Moller's audacious guidance I overcame all the legal -difficulties that stood in the way of our union. According to -Prussian law, a man who has reached his majority no longer -requires his parents' consent to his marriage: but since, -according to this same provision, I was not yet of age, I had -recourse to the law of Saxony, to which country I belonged by -birth, and by whose regulations I had already attained my -majority at the age of twenty-one. Our banns had to be published -at the place where we had been living during the past year, and -this formality was carried out in Magdeburg without any further -objections being raised. As Minna's parents had given their -consent, the only thing that still remained to be done to make -everything quite in order was for us to go together to the -clergyman of the parish of Tragheim. This proved a strange enough -visit. It took place the morning preceding the performance to be -given for our benefit, in which Minna had chosen, the pantomimic -role of Fenella; her costume was not ready yet, and there was -still a great deal to be done. The rainy cold November weather -made us feel out of humour, when, to add to our vexation, we -were kept standing in the hall of the vicarage for an unreasonable -time. Then an altercation arose between us which speedily led to -such bitter vituperation that we were just on the point of -separating and going each our own way, when the clergyman opened -the door. Not a little embarrassed at having surprised us in the -act of quarrelling, he invited us in. We were obliged to put a -good face on the matter, however; and the absurdity of the situation -so tickled our sense of humour that we laughed; the parson was -appeased, and the wedding fixed for eleven o'clock the next morning. - -Another fruitful source of irritation, which often led to the -outbreak of violent quarrelling between us, was the arrangement -of our future home, in the interior comfort and beauty of which I -hoped to find a guarantee of happiness. The economical ideas of -my bride filled me with impatience. I was determined that the -inauguration of a series of prosperous years which I saw before -me must be celebrated by a correspondingly comfortable home. -Furniture, household utensils, and all necessaries were obtained -on credit, to be paid for by instalment. There was, of course, no -question of a dowry, a wedding outfit, or any of the things that -are generally considered indispensable to a well-founded -establishment. Our witnesses and guests were drawn from the -company of actors accidentally brought together by their -engagement at the Konigsberg theatre. My friend Moller made us a -present of a silver sugar-basin, which was supplemented by a -silver cake-basket from another stage friend, a peculiar and, as -far as I can remember, rather interesting young man named Ernst -Castell. The benefit performance of the Die Stumme von Portici, -which I conducted with great enthusiasm, went off well, and -brought us in as large a sum as we had counted upon. After -spending the rest of the day before our wedding very quietly, as -we were tired out after our return from the theatre, I took up my -abode for the first time in our new home. Not wishing to use the -bridal bed, decorated for the occasion, I lay down on a hard -sofa, without even sufficient covering on me, and froze valiantly -while awaiting the happiness of the following day. I was -pleasantly excited the next morning by the arrival of Minna's -belongings, packed in boxes and baskets. The weather, too, had -quite cleared up, and the sun was shining brightly; only our -sitting-room refused to get properly warm, which for some time -drew down Minna's reproaches upon my head for my supposed -carelessness in not having seen to the heating arrangements. At -last I dressed myself in my new suit, a dark blue frock-coat with -gold buttons. The carriage drove up, and I set out to fetch my -bride. The bright sky had put us all in good spirits, and in the -best of humour I met Minna, who was dressed in a splendid gown -chosen by me. She greeted me with sincere cordiality and pleasure -shining from her eyes; and taking the fine weather as a good -omen, we started off for what now seemed to us a most cheerful -wedding. We enjoyed the satisfaction of seeing the church as -over-crowded as if a brilliant theatrical representation were -being given; it was quite a difficult matter to make our way to -the altar, where a group no less worldly than the rest, -consisting of our witnesses, dressed in all their theatrical -finery, were assembled to receive us. There was not one real -friend amongst all those present, for even our strange old friend -Moller was absent, because no suitable partner had been found for -him. I was not for a single moment insensible to the chilling -frivolity of the congregation, who seemed to impart their tone to -the whole ceremony. I listened like one in a dream to the nuptial -address of the parson, who, I was afterwards told, had had a -share in producing the spirit of bigotry which at this time was -so prevalent in Konigsberg, and which exercised such a -disquieting influence on its population. - -A few days later I was told that a rumour had got about the town -that I had taken action against the parson for some gross insults -contained in his sermon; I did not quite see what was meant, but -supposed that the exaggerated report arose from a passage in his -address which I in my excitement had misunderstood. The preacher, -in speaking of the dark days, of which we were to expect our -share, bade us look to an unknown friend, and I glanced up -inquiringly for further particulars of this mysterious and -influential patron who chose so strange a way of announcing -himself. Reproachfully, and with peculiar emphasis, the pastor -then pronounced the name of this unknown friend: Jesus. Now I was -not in any way insulted by this, as people imagined, but was -simply disappointed; at the same time, I thought that such -exhortations were probably usual in nuptial addresses. - -But, on the whole, I was so absent-minded during this ceremony, -which was double Dutch to me, that when the parson held out the -closed prayer-book for us to place our wedding rings upon, Minna -had to nudge me forcibly to make me follow her example. - -At that moment I saw, as clearly as in a vision, my whole being -divided into two cross-currents that dragged me in different -directions; the upper one faced the sun and carried me onward -like a dreamer, whilst the lower one held my nature captive, a -prey to some inexplicable fear. The extraordinary levity with -which I chased away the conviction which kept forcing itself upon -me, that I was committing a twofold sin, was amply accounted for -by the really genuine affection with which I looked upon the -young girl whose truly exceptional character (so rare in the -environment in which she had been placed) led her thus to bind -herself to a young man without any means of support. It was -eleven o'clock on the morning of the 24th of November, 1836, and -I was twenty-three and a half. - -On the way home from church, and afterwards, my good spirits rose -superior to all my doubts. - -Minna at once took upon herself the duty of receiving and -entertaining her guests. The table was spread, and a rich feast, -at which Abraham Moller, the energetic promoter of our marriage, -also took part, although he had been rather put out by his -exclusion from the church ceremony, made up for the coldness of -the room, which for a long time refused to get warm, to the great -distress of the young hostess. - -Everything went off in the usual uneventful way. Nevertheless, I -retained my good spirits till the next morning, when I had to -present myself at the magistrate's court to meet the demands of -my creditors, which had been forwarded to me from Magdeburg to -Konigsburg. - -My friend Moller, whom I had retained for my defence, had -foolishly advised me to meet my creditors' demands by pleading -infancy according to the law of Prussia, at all events until -actual assistance for the settlement of the claims could be -obtained. - -The magistrate, to whom I stated this plea as I had been advised, -was astonished, being probably well aware of my marriage on the -previous day, which could only have taken place on the production -of documentary proof of my majority. I naturally only gained a -brief respite by this manoeuvre, and the troubles which beset me -for a long time afterwards had their origin on the first day of -my marriage. - -During the period when I held no appointment at the theatre I -suffered various humiliations. Nevertheless, I thought it wise to -make the most of my leisure in the interests of my art, and I -finished a few pieces, among which was a grand overture on Rule -Britannia. - -When I was still in Berlin I had written the overture entitled -Polonia, which has already been mentioned in connection with the -Polish festival. Rule Britannia was a further and deliberate step -in the direction of mass effects; at the close a strong military -band was to be added to the already over-full orchestra, and I -intended to have the whole thing performed at the Musical -Festival in Konigsberg in the summer. - -To these two overtures I added a supplement--an overture entitled -Napoleon. The point to which I devoted my chief attention was the -selection of the means for producing certain effects, and I -carefully considered whether I should express the annihilating -stroke of fate that befell the French Emperor in Russia by a beat -on the tom-tom or not. I believe it was to a great extent my -scruples about the introduction of this beat that prevented me -from carrying out my plan just then. - -On the other hand, the conclusions which I had reached regarding -the ill-success of Liebesverbot resulted in an operatic sketch in -which the demands made on the chorus and the staff of singers -should be more in proportion to the known capacity of the local -company, as this small theatre was the only one at my disposal. - -A quaint tale from the Arabian Nights suggested the very subject -for a light work of this description, the title of which, if I -remember rightly, was Mannerlist grosser als Frauenlist ('Man -outwits Woman'). - -I transplanted the story from Bagdad to a modern setting. A young -goldsmith offends the pride of a young woman by placing the above -motto on the sign over his shop; deeply veiled, she steps into -his shop and asks him, as he displays such excellent taste in his -work, to express his opinion on her own physical charms; he -begins with her feet and her hands, and finally, noticing his -confusion, she removes the veil from her face. The jeweller is -carried away by her beauty, whereupon she complains to him that -her father, who has always kept her in the strictest seclusion, -describes her to all her suitors as an ugly monster, his object -being, she imagines, simply to keep her dowry. The young man -swears that he will not be frightened off by these foolish -objections, should the father raise them against his suit. No -sooner said than done. The daughter of this peculiar old -gentleman is promised to the unsuspecting jeweller, and is -brought to her bridegroom as soon as he has signed the contract. -He then sees that the father has indeed spoken the truth, the -real daughter being a perfect scarecrow. The beautiful lady -returns to the bridegroom to gloat over his desperation, and -promises to release him from his terrible marriage if he will -remove the motto from his signboard. At this point I departed -from the original, and continued as follows: The enraged jeweller -is on the point of tearing down his unfortunate signboard when a -curious apparition leads him to pause in the act. He sees a bear- -leader in the street making his clumsy beast dance, in whom the -luckless lover recognises at a glance his own father, from whom -he has been parted by a hard fate. - -He suppresses any sign of emotion, for in a flash a scheme occurs -to him by which he can utilise this discovery to free himself -from the hated marriage with the daughter of the proud old -aristocrat. - -He instructs the bear-leader to come that evening to the garden -where the solemn betrothal is to take place in the presence of -the invited guests. - -He then explains to his young enemy that he wishes to leave the -signboard up for the time being, as he still hopes to prove the -truth of the motto. - -After the marriage contract, in which the young man arrogates to -himself all kinds of fictitious titles of nobility, has been read -to the assembled company (composed, say, of the elite of the -noble immigrants at the time of the French Revolution), there is -heard suddenly the pipe of the bear-leader, who enters the garden -with his prancing beast. Angered by this trivial diversion, the -astonished company become indignant when the bridegroom, giving -free vent to his feelings, throws himself with tears of joy into -the arms of the bear-leader and loudly proclaims him as his long- -lost father. The consternation of the company becomes even -greater, however, when the bear itself embraces the man they -supposed to be of noble birth, for the beast is no less a person -than his own brother in the flesh who, on the death of the real -bear, had donned its skin, thus enabling the poverty-stricken -pair to continue to earn their livelihood in the only way left to -them. This public disclosure of the bridegroom's lowly origin at -once dissolves the marriage, and the young woman, declaring -herself outwitted by man, offers her hand in compensation to the -released jeweller. - -To this unassuming subject I gave the title of the Gluckliche -Barenfamilie, and provided it with a dialogue which afterwards -met with Holtei's highest approval. - -I was about to begin the music for it in a new light French -style, but the seriousness of my position, which grew more and -more acute, prevented further progress in my work. - -In this respect my strained relations with the conductor of the -theatre were still a constant source of trouble. With neither the -opportunity nor the means to defend myself, I had to submit to -being maligned and rendered an object of suspicion on all sides -by my rival, who remained master of the field. The object of this -was to disgust me with the idea of taking up my appointment as -musical conductor, for which the contract had been signed for -Easter. Though I did not lose my self-confidence, I suffered -keenly from the indignity and the depressing effect of this -prolonged strain. - -When at last, at the beginning of April, the moment arrived for -the musical conductor Schubert to resign, and for me to take over -the whole charge, he had the melancholy satisfaction of knowing -that not only was the standing of the opera seriously weakened by -the departure of the prima donna, but that there was good reason -to doubt whether the theatre could be carried on at all. This -month of Lent, which was such a bad time in Germany for all -similar theatrical enterprises, decimated the Konigsberg audience -with the rest. The director took the greatest trouble imaginable -to fill up the gaps in the staff of the opera by means of -engaging strangers temporarily, and by new acquisitions, and in -this my personality and unflagging activity were of real service; -I devoted all my energy to buoying up by word and deed the -tattered ship of the theatre, in which I now had a hand for the -first time. - -For a long time I had to try and keep cool under the most violent -treatment by a clique of students, among whom my predecessor had -raised up enemies for me; and by the unerring certainty of my -conducting I had to overcome the initial opposition of the -orchestra, which had been set against me. - -After laboriously laying the foundation of personal respect, I -was now forced to realise that the business methods of the -director, Hubsch, had already involved too great a sacrifice to -permit the theatre to make its way against the unfavourableness -of the season, and in May he admitted to me that he had come to -the point of being obliged to close the theatre. - -By summoning up all my eloquence, and by making suggestions which -promised a happy issue, I was able to induce him to persevere; -nevertheless, this was only possible by making demands on the -loyalty of his company, who were asked to forego part of their -salaries for a time. This aroused general bitterness on the part -of the uninitiated, and I found myself in the curious position of -being forced to place the director in a favourable light to those -who were hard hit by these measures, while I myself and my -position were affected in such a manner that my situation became -daily more unendurable under the accumulation of intolerable -difficulties taking their root in my past. - -But though I did not even then lose courage, Minna, who as my -wife was robbed of all that she had a right to expect, found this -turn of fate quite unbearable. The hidden canker of our married -life which, even before our marriage, had caused me the most -terrible anxiety and led to violent scenes, reached its full -growth under these sad conditions. The less I was able to -maintain the standard of comfort due to our position by working -and making the most of my talents, the more did Minna, to my -insufferable shame, consider it necessary to take this burden -upon herself by making the most of her personal popularity. The -discovery of similar condescensions--as I used to call them--on -Minna's part, had repeatedly led to revolting scenes, and only -her peculiar conception of her professional position and the -needs it involved had made a charitable interpretation possible. - -I was absolutely unable to bring my young wife to see my point of -view, or to make her realise my own wounded feelings on these -occasions, while the unrestrained violence of my speech and -behaviour made an understanding once and for all impossible. -These scenes frequently sent my wife into convulsions of so -alarming a nature that, as will easily be realised, the -satisfaction of reconciling her once more was all that remained -to me. Certain it was that our mutual attitude became more and -more incomprehensible and inexplicable to us both. - -These quarrels, which now became more frequent and more -distressing, may have gone far to diminish the strength of any -affection which Minna was able to give me, but I had no idea that -she was only waiting for a favourable opportunity to come to a -desperate decision. - -To fill the place of tenor in our company, I had summoned -Friedrich Schmitt to Konigsberg, a friend of my first year in -Magdeburg, to whom allusion has already been made. He was -sincerely devoted to me, and helped me as much as possible in -overcoming the dangers which threatened the prosperity of the -theatre as well as my own position. - -The necessity of being on friendly terms with the public made me -much less reserved and cautious in making new acquaintances, -especially when in his company. - -A rich merchant, of the name of Dietrich, had recently -constituted himself a patron of the theatre, and especially of - the women. With due deference to the men with whom they were -connected, he used to invite the pick of these ladies to dinner -at his house, and affected, on these occasions, the well-to-do -Englishman, which was the beau-ideal for German merchants, -especially in the manufacturing towns of the north. - -I had shown my annoyance at the acceptance of the invitation, -sent to us among the rest, at first simply because his looks were -repugnant to me. Minna considered this very unjust. Anyhow, I set -my face decidedly against continuing our acquaintance with this -man, and although Minna did not insist on receiving him, my -conduct towards the intruder was the cause of angry scenes -between us. - -One day Friedrich Schmitt considered it his duty to inform me -that this Herr Dietrich had spoken of me at a public dinner in -such a manner as to lead every one to suppose that he had a -suspicious intimacy with my wife. I felt obliged to suspect Minna -of having, in some way unknown to me, told the fellow about my -conduct towards her, as well as about our precarious position. - -Accompanied by Schmitt, I called this dangerous person to account -on the subject in his own home. At first this only led to the -usual denials. Afterwards, however, he sent secret communications -to Minna concerning the interview, thus providing her with a -supposed new grievance against me in the form of my inconsiderate -treatment of her. - -Our relations now reached a critical stage, and on certain points -we preserved silence. - -At the same time--it was towards the end of May, 1837--the -business affairs of the theatre had reached the crisis above -mentioned, when the management was obliged to fall back on the -self-sacrificing co-operation of the staff to assure the -continuance of the undertaking. As I have said before, my own -position at the end of a year so disastrous to my welfare was -seriously affected by this; nevertheless, there seemed to be no -alternative for me but to face these difficulties patiently, and -relying on the faithful Friedrich Schmitt, but ignoring Minna, I -began to take the necessary steps for making my post at -Konigsberg secure. This, as well as the arduous part I took in -the business of the theatre, kept me so busy and so much away -from home, that I was not able to pay any particular attention to -Minna's silence and reserve. - -On the morning of the 31st of May I took leave of Minna, -expecting to be detained till late in the afternoon by rehearsals -and business matters. With my entire approval she had for some -time been accustomed to have her daughter Nathalie, who was -supposed by every one to be her youngest sister, to stay with -her. - -As I was about to wish them my usual quiet good-bye, the two -women rushed after me to the door and embraced me passionately, -Minna as well as her daughter bursting into tears. I was alarmed, -and asked the meaning of this excitement, but could get no answer -from them, and I was obliged to leave them and ponder alone over -their peculiar conduct, of the reason for which I had not even -the faintest idea. - -I arrived home late in the afternoon, worn out by my exertions -and worries, dead-tired, pale and hungry, and was surprised to -find the table not laid and Minna not at home, the maid telling -me that she had not yet returned from her walk with Nathalie. - -I waited patiently, sinking down exhausted at the work-table, -which I absent-mindedly opened. To my intense astonishment it was -empty. Horror-struck, I sprang up and went to the wardrobe, and -realised at once that Minna had left the house; her departure had -been so cunningly planned that even the maid was unaware of it. - -With death in my soul I dashed out of the house to investigate -the cause of Minna's disappearance. - -Old Moller, by his practical sagacity, very soon found out that -Dietrich, his personal enemy, had left Konigsberg in the -direction of Berlin by the special coach in the morning. - -This horrible fact stood staring me in the face. - -I had now to try and overtake the fugitives. With the lavish use -of money this might have been possible, but funds were lacking, -and had, in part, to be laboriously collected. - -On Moller's advice I took the silver wedding presents with me in -case of emergency, and after the lapse of a few terrible hours -went off, also by special coach, with my distressed old friend. -We hoped to overtake the ordinary mail-coach, which had started a -short time before, as it was probable that Minna would also -continue her journey in this, at a safe distance from Konigsberg. - -This proved impossible, and when next morning at break of day we -arrived in Elbing, we found our money exhausted by the lavish use -of the express coach, and were compelled to return; we -discovered, moreover, that even by using the ordinary coach we -should be obliged to pawn the sugar-basin and cake-dish. - -This return journey to Konigsberg rightly remains one of the -saddest memories of my youth. Of course, I did not for a moment -entertain the idea of remaining in the place; my one thought was -how I could best get away. Hemmed in between the law-suits of my -Magdeburg creditors and the Konigsberg tradesmen, who had claims -on me for the payment by instalment of my domestic accounts, my -departure could only be carried out in secrecy. For this very -reason, too, it was necessary for me to raise money, particularly -for the long journey from Konigsberg to Dresden, whither I -determined to go in quest of my wife, and these matters detained -me for two long and terrible days. - -I received no news whatever from Minna; from Moller I ascertained -that she had gone to Dresden, and that Dietrich had only -accompanied her for a short distance on the excuse of helping her -in a friendly way. - -I succeeded in assuring myself that she really only wished to get -away from a position that filled her with desperation, and for -this purpose had accepted the assistance of a man who sympathised -with her, and that she was for the present seeking rest and -shelter with her parents. My first indignation at the event -accordingly subsided to such an extent that I gradually acquired -more sympathy for her in her despair, and began to reproach -myself both for my conduct and for having brought unhappiness on -her. - -I became so convinced of the correctness of this view during the -tedious journey to Dresden via Berlin, which I eventually -undertook on the 3rd of June, that when at last I found Minna at -the humble abode of her parents, I was really quite unable to -express anything but repentence and heartbroken sympathy. - -It was quite true that Minna thought herself badly treated by me, -and declared that she had only been forced to take this desperate -step by brooding over our impossible position, to which she -thought me both blind and deaf. Her parents were not pleased to -see me: the painfully excited condition of their daughter seemed -to afford sufficient justification for her complaints against me. -Whether my own sufferings, my hasty pursuit, and the heartfelt -expression of my grief made any favourable impression on her, I -can really hardly say, as her manner towards me was very confused -and, to a certain extent, incomprehensible. Still she was -impressed when I told her that there was a good prospect of my -obtaining the post of musical conductor at Riga, where a new -theatre was about to be opened under the most favourable -conditions. I felt that I must not press for new resolutions -concerning the regulation of our future relations just then, but -must strive the more earnestly to lay a better foundation for -them. Consequently, after spending a fearful week with my wife -under the most painful conditions, I went to Berlin, there to -sign my agreement with the new director of the Riga theatre. I -obtained the appointment on fairly favourable terms which, I saw, -would enable me to keep house in such a style that Minna could -retire from the theatre altogether. By this means she would be in -a position to spare me all humiliation and anxiety. - -On returning to Dresden, I found that Minna was ready to lend a -willing ear to my proposed plans, and I succeeded in inducing her -to leave her parents' house, which was very cramped for us, and -to establish herself in the country at Blasewitz, near Dresden, -to await our removal to Riga. We found modest lodgings at an inn -on the Elbe, in the farm-yard of which I had often played as a -child. Here Minna's frame of mind really seemed to be improving. -She had begged me not to press her too hard, and I spared her as -much as possible. After a few weeks I thought I might consider -the period of uneasiness past, but was surprised to find the -situation growing worse again without any apparent reason. Minna -then told me of some advantageous offers she had received from -different theatres, and astonished me one day by announcing her -intention of taking a short pleasure trip with a girl friend and -her family. As I felt obliged to avoid putting any restraint upon -her, I offered no objection to the execution of this project, -which entailed a week's separation, but accompanied her back to -her parents myself, promising to await her return quietly at -Blasewitz. A few days later her eldest sister called to ask me -for the written permission required to make out a passport for my -wife. This alarmed me, and I went to Dresden to ask her parents -what their daughter was about. There, to my surprise, I met with -a very unpleasant reception; they reproached me coarsely for my -behaviour to Minna, whom they said I could not even manage to -support, and when I only replied by asking for information as to -the whereabouts of my wife, and about her plans for the future, I -was put off with improbable statements. Tormented by the sharpest -forebodings, and understanding nothing of what had occurred, I -went back to the village, where I found a letter from Konigsberg, -from Moller, which poured light on all my misery. Herr Dietrich -had gone to Dresden, and I was told the name of the hotel at -which he was staying. The terrible illumination thrown by this -communication upon Minna's conduct showed me in a flash what to -do. I hurried into town to make the necessary inquiries at the -hotel mentioned, and found that the man in question had been -there, but had moved on again. He had vanished, and Minna too! I -now knew enough to demand of the Fates why, at such an early age, -they had sent me this terrible experience which, as it seemed to -me, had poisoned my whole existence. - -I sought consolation for my boundless grief in the society of my -sister Ottilie and her husband, Hermann Brockhaus, an excellent -fellow to whom she had been married for some years. They were -then living at their pretty summer villa in the lovely Grosser -Garten, near Dresden. I had looked them up at once the first time -I went to Dresden, but as I had not at that time the slightest -idea of how things were going to turn out, I had told them -nothing, and had seen but little of them. Now I was moved to -break my obstinate silence, and unfold to them the cause of my -misery, with but few reservations. - -For the first time I was in a position gratefully to appreciate -the advantages of family intercourse, and of the direct and -disinterested intimacy between blood relations. Explanations were -hardly necessary, and as brother and sister we found ourselves as -closely linked now as we had been when we were children. We -arrived at a complete understanding without having to explain -what we meant; I was unhappy, she was happy; consolation and help -followed as a matter of course. - -This was the sister to whom I once had read Leubald und Adelaide -in a thunderstorm; the sister who had listened, filled with -astonishment and sympathy, to that eventful performance of my -first overture on Christmas Eve, and whom I now found married to -one of the kindest of men, Hermann Brockhaus, who soon earned a -reputation for himself as an expert in oriental languages. He was -the youngest brother of my elder brother-in-law, Friedrich -Brockhaus. Their union was blessed by two children; their -comfortable means favoured a life free from care, and when I made -my daily pilgrimage from Blasewitz to the famous Grosser Garten, -it was like stepping from a desert into paradise to enter their -house (one of the popular villas), knowing that I would -invariably find a welcome in this happy family circle. Not only -was my spirit soothed and benefited by intercourse with my -sister, but my creative instincts, which had long lain dormant, -were stimulated afresh by the society of my brilliant and learned -brother-in-law. It was brought home to me, without in any way -hurting my feelings, that my early marriage, excusable as it may -have been, was yet an error to be retrieved, and my mind regained -sufficient elasticity to compose some sketches, designed this -time not merely to meet the requirements of the theatre as I knew -it. During the last wretched days I had spent with Minna at -Blasewitz, I had read Bulwer Lytton's novel, Rienzi; during my -convalescence in the bosom of my sympathetic family, I now worked -out the scheme for a grand opera under the inspiration of this -book. Though obliged for the present to return to the limitations -of a small theatre, I tried from this time onwards to aim at -enlarging my sphere of action. I sent my overture, Rule -Britannia, to the Philharmonic Society in London, and tried to -get into communication with Scribe in Paris about a setting for -H. Konig's novel, Die Hohe Braut, which I had sketched out. - -Thus I spent the remainder of this summer of ever-happy memory. -At the end of August I had to leave for Riga to take up my new -appointment. Although I knew that my sister Rosalie had shortly -before married the man of her choice, Professor Oswald Marbach of -Leipzig, I avoided that city, probably with the foolish notion of -sparing myself any humiliation, and went straight to Berlin, -where I had to receive certain additional instructions from my -future director, and also to obtain my passport. There I met a -younger sister of Minna's, Amalie Planer, a singer with a pretty -voice, who had joined our opera company at Magdeburg for a short -time. My report of Minna quite overwhelmed this exceedingly kind- -hearted girl. We went to a performance of Fidelia together, -during which she, like myself, burst into tears and sobs. -Refreshed by the sympathetic impression I had received, I went by -way of Schwerin, where I was disappointed in my hopes of finding -traces of Minna, to Lubeck, to wait for a merchant ship going to -Riga. We had set sail for Travemunde when an unfavourable wind -set in, and held up our departure for a week: I had to spend this -disagreeable time in a miserable ship's tavern. Thrown on my own -resources I tried, amongst other things, to read Till -Eulenspiegel, and this popular book first gave me the idea of a -real German comic opera. Long afterwards, when I was composing -the words for my Junger Siegfried, I remember having many vivid -recollections of this melancholy sojourn in Travemunde and my -reading of Till Eulenspiegel. After a voyage of four days we at -last reached port at Bolderaa. I was conscious of a peculiar -thrill on coming into contact with Russian officials, whom I had -instinctively detested since the days of my sympathy with the -Poles as a boy. It seemed to me as if the harbour police must -read enthusiasm for the Poles in my face, and would send me to -Siberia on the spot, and I was the more agreeably surprised, on -reaching Riga, to find myself surrounded by the familiar German -element which, above all, pervaded everything connected with the -theatre. - -After my unfortunate experiences in connection with the -conditions of small German stages, the way in which this newly -opened theatre was run had at first a calming effect on my mind. -A society had been formed by a number of well-to-do theatre-goers -and rich business men to raise, by voluntary subscription, -sufficient money to provide the sort of management they regarded -as ideal with a solid foundation. The director they appointed was -Karl von Holtei, a fairly popular dramatic writer, who enjoyed a -certain reputation in the theatrical world. This man's ideas -about the stage represented a special tendency, which was at that -time on the decline. He possessed, in addition to his remarkable -social gifts, an extraordinary acquaintance with all the -principal people connected with the theatre during the past -twenty years, and belonged to a society called Die -Liebenswurdigen Libertins ('The Amiable Libertines'). This was a -set of young would-be wits, who looked upon the stage as a -playground licensed by the public for the display of their mad -pranks, from which the middle class held aloof, while people of -culture were steadily losing all interest in the theatre under -these hopeless conditions. - -Holtei's wife had in former days been a popular actress at the -Konigstadt theatre in Berlin, and it was here, at the time when -Henriette Sontag raised it to the height of its fame, that -Holtei's style had been formed. The production there of his -melodrama Leonore (founded on Burger's ballad) had in particular -earned him a wide reputation as a writer for the stage, besides -which he produced some Liederspiele, and among them one, entitled -Der Alte Feldherr, became fairly popular. His invitation to Riga -had been particularly welcome, as it bid fair to gratify his -craving to absorb himself completely in the life of the stage; he -hoped, in this out-of-the-way place, to indulge his passion -without restraint. His peculiar familiarity of manner, his -inexhaustible store of amusing small talk, and his airy way of -doing business, gave him a remarkable hold on the tradespeople of -Riga, who wished for nothing better than such entertainment as he -was able to give them. They provided him liberally with all the -necessary means and treated him in every respect with entire -confidence. Under his auspices my own engagement had been very -easily secured. Surly old pedants he would have none of, -favouring young men on the score of their youth alone. As far as -I myself was concerned, it was enough for him to know that I -belonged to a family which he knew and liked, and hearing, -moreover, of my fervent devotion to modern Italian and French -music in particular, he decided that I was the very man for him. -He had the whole shoal of Bellini's, Donizetti's, Adam's, and -Auber's operatic scores copied out, and I was to give the good -people of Riga the benefit of them with all possible speed. - -The first time I visited Holtei I met an old Leipzig -acquaintance, Heinrich Dorn, my former mentor, who now held the -permanent municipal appointment of choir-master at the church and -music-teacher in the schools. He was pleased to find his curious -pupil transformed into a practical opera conductor of independent -position, and no less surprised to see the eccentric worshipper -of Beethoven changed into an ardent champion of Bellini and Adam. -He took me home to his summer residence, which was built, -according to Riga phraseology, 'in the fields,' that is -literally, on the sand. While I was giving him some account of -the experiences through which I had passed, I grew conscious of -the strangely deserted look of the place. Feeling frightened and -homeless, my initial uneasiness gradually developed into a -passionate longing to escape from all the whirl of theatrical -life which had wooed me to such inhospitable regions. This uneasy -mood was fast dispelling the flippancy which at Magdeburg had led -to my being dragged down to the level of the most worthless stage -society, and had also conduced to spoil my musical taste. It also -contained the germs of a new tendency which developed during the -period of my activity at Riga, brought me more and more out of -touch with the theatre, thereby causing Director Holtei all the -annoyance which inevitably attends disappointment. - -For some time, however, I found no difficulty in making the best -of a bad bargain. We were obliged to open the theatre before the -company was complete. To make this possible, we gave a -performance of a short comic opera by C. Blum, called Marie, Max -und Michel. For this work I composed an additional air for a song -which Holtei had written for the bass singer, Gunther; it -consisted of a sentimental introduction and a gay military rondo, -and was very much appreciated. Later on, I introduced another -additional song into the Schweizerfamilie, to be sung by another -bass singer, Scheibler; it was of a devotional character, and -pleased not only the public, but myself, and showed signs of the -upheaval which was gradually taking place in my musical -development. I was entrusted with the composition of a tune for a -National Hymn written by Brakel in honour of the Tsar Nicholas's -birthday. I tried to give it as far as possible the right -colouring for a despotic patriarchal monarch, and once again I -achieved some fame, for it was sung for several successive years -on that particular day. Holtei tried to persuade me to write a -bright, gay comic opera, or rather a musical play, to be -performed by our company just as it stood. I looked up the -libretto of my Glucktiche Barenfamilie, and found Holtei very -well disposed towards it (as I have stated elsewhere); but when I -unearthed the little music which I had already composed for it, I -was overcome with disgust at this way of writing; whereupon I -made a present of the book to my clumsy, good-natured friend, -Lobmann, my right-hand man in the orchestra, and never gave it -another thought from that day to this. I managed, however, to get -to work on the libretto of Rienzi, which I had sketched out at -Blasewitz. I developed it from every point of view, on so -extravagant a scale, that with this work I deliberately cut off -all possibility of being tempted by circumstances to produce it -anywhere but on one of the largest stages in Europe. - -But while this helped to strengthen my endeavour to escape from -all the petty degradations of stage life, new complications arose -which affected me more and more seriously, and offered further -opposition to my aims. The prima donna engaged by Holtei had -failed us, and we were therefore without a singer for grand -opera. Under the circumstances, Holtei joyfully agreed to my -proposal to ask Amalie, Minna's sister (who was glad to accept an -engagement that brought her near me), to come to Riga at once. In -her answer to me from Dresden, where she was then living, she -informed me of Minna's return to her parents, and of her present -miserable condition owing to a severe illness. I naturally took -this piece of news very coolly, for what I had heard about Minna -since she left me for the last time had forced me to authorise my -old friend at Konigsberg to take steps to procure a divorce. It -was certain that Minna had stayed for some time at a hotel in -Hamburg with that ill-omened man, Herr Dietrich, and that she had -spread abroad the story of our separation so unreservedly that -the theatrical world in particular had discussed it in a manner -that was positively insulting to me. I simply informed Amalie of -this, and requested her to spare me any further news of her -sister. - -Hereupon Minna herself appealed to me, and wrote me a positively -heartrending letter, in which she openly confessed her -infidelity. She declared that she had been driven to it by -despair, but that the great trouble she had thus brought upon -herself having taught her a lesson, all she now wished was to -return to the right path. Taking everything into account, I -concluded that she had been deceived in the character of her -seducer, and the knowledge of her terrible position had placed -her both morally and physically in a most lamentable condition, -in which, now ill and wretched, she turned to me again to -acknowledge her guilt, crave my forgiveness, and assure me, in -spite of all, that she had now become fully aware of her love for -me. Never before had I heard such sentiments from Minna, nor was -I ever to hear the same from her again, save on one touching -occasion many years later, when similar outpourings moved and -affected me in the same way as this particular letter had done. -In reply I told her that there should never again be any mention -between us of what had occurred, for which I took upon myself the -chief blame; and I can pride myself on having carried out this -resolution to the letter. - -When her sister's engagement was satisfactorily settled, I at -once invited Minna to come to Riga with her. Both gladly accepted -my invitation, and arrived from Dresden at my new home on 19th -October, wintry weather having already set in. With much regret I -perceived that Minna's health had really suffered, and therefore -did all in my power to provide her with all the domestic comforts -and quiet she needed. This presented difficulties, for my modest -income as a conductor was all I had at my disposal, and we were -both firmly determined not to let Minna go on the stage again. On -the other hand, the carrying out of this resolve, in view of the -financial inconvenience it entailed, produced strange -complications, the nature of which was only revealed to me later, -when startling developments divulged the real moral character of -the manager Holtei. For the present I had to let people think -that I was jealous of my wife. I bore patiently with the general -belief that I had good reasons to be so, and rejoiced meanwhile -at the restoration of our peaceful married life, and especially -at the sight of our humble home, which we made as comfortable as -our means would allow, and in the keeping of which Minna's -domestic talents came strongly to the fore. As we were still -childless, and were obliged as a rule to enlist the help of a dog -in order to give life to the domestic hearth, we once lighted -upon the eccentric idea of trying our luck with a young wolf -which was brought into the house as a tiny cub. When we found, -however, that this experiment did not increase the comfort of our -home life, we gave him up after he had been with us a few weeks. -We fared better with sister Amalie; for she, with her good-nature -and simple homely ways, did much to make up for the absence of -children for a time. The two sisters, neither of whom had had any -real education, often returned playfully to the ways of their -childhood. When they sang children's duets, Minna, though she had -had no musical training, always managed very cleverly to sing -seconds, and afterwards, as we sat at our evening meal, eating -Russian salad, salt salmon from the Dwina, or fresh Russian -caviare, we were all three very cheerful and happy far away in -our northern home. - -Amalie's beautiful voice and real vocal talent at first won for -her a very favourable reception with the public, a fact which did -us all a great deal of good. Being, however, very short, and -having no very great gift for acting, the scope of her powers was -very limited, and as she was soon surpassed by more successful -competitors, it was a real stroke of good luck for her that a -young officer in the Russian army, then Captain, now General, -Carl von Meek, fell head over ears in love with the simple girl, -and married her a year later. The unfortunate part of this -engagement, however, was that it caused many difficulties, and -brought the first cloud over our menage a trois. For, after a -while, the two sisters quarrelled bitterly, and I had the very -unpleasant experience of living for a whole year in the same -house with two relatives who neither saw nor spoke to each other. - -We spent the winter at the beginning of 1838 in a very small -dingy dwelling in the old town; it was not till the spring that -we moved into a pleasanter house in the more salubrious -Petersburg suburb, where, in spite of the sisterly breach before -referred to, we led a fairly bright and cheerful life, as we were -often able to entertain many of our friends and acquaintances in -a simple though pleasant fashion. In addition to members of the -stage I knew a few people in the town, and we received and -visited the family of Dorn, the musical director, with whom I -became quite intimate. But it was the second musical director, -Franz Lobmann, a very worthy though not a very gifted man, who -became most faithfully attached to me. However, I did not -cultivate many acquaintances in wider circles, and they grew -fewer as the ruling passion of my life grew steadily stronger; so -that when, later on, I left Riga, after spending nearly two years -there, I departed almost as a stranger, and with as much -indifference as I had left Magdeburg and Konigsberg. What, -however, specially embittered my departure was a series of -experiences of a particularly disagreeable nature, which firmly -determined me to cut myself off entirely from the necessity of -mixing with any people like those I had met with in my previous -attempts to create a position for myself at the theatre. - -Yet it was only gradually that I became quite conscious of all -this. At first, under the safe guidance of my renewed wedded -happiness, which had for a time been so disturbed in its early -days, I felt distinctly better than I had before in all my -professional work. The fact that the material position of the -theatrical undertaking was assured exercised a healthy influence -on the performances. The theatre itself was cooped up in a very -narrow space; there was as little room for scenic display on its -tiny stage as there was accommodation for rich musical effects in -the cramped orchestra. In both directions the strictest limits -were imposed, yet I contrived to introduce considerable -reinforcements into an orchestra which was really only calculated -for a string quartette, two first and two second violins, two -violas, and one 'cello. These successful exertions of mine were -the first cause of the dislike Holtei evinced towards me later -on. After this we were able to get good concerted music for the -opera. I found the thorough study of Mehul's opera, Joseph in -Aegypten, very stimulating. Its noble and simple style, added to -the touching effect of the music, which quite carries one away, -did much towards effecting a favourable change in my taste, till -then warped by my connection with the theatre. - -It was most gratifying to feel my former serious taste again -aroused by really good dramatic performances. I specially -remember a production of King Lear, which I followed with the -greatest interest, not only at the actual performances, but at -all the rehearsals as well. Yet these educative impressions -tended to make me feel ever more and more dissatisfied with my -work at the theatre. On the one hand, the members of the company -became gradually more distasteful to me, and on the other I was -growing discontented with the management. With regard to the -staff of the theatre, I very soon found out the hollowness, -vanity, and the impudent selfishness of this uncultured and -undisciplined class of people, for I had now lost my former -liking for the Bohemian life that had such an attraction for me -at Magdeburg. Before long there were but a few members of our -company with whom I had not quarrelled, thanks to one or the -other of these drawbacks. But my saddest experience was, that in -such disputes, into which in fact I was led simply by my zeal for -the artistic success of the performances as a whole, not only did -I receive no support from Holtei, the director, but I actually -made him my enemy. He even declared publicly that our theatre had -become far too respectable for his taste, and tried to convince -me that good theatrical performances could not be given by a -strait-laced company. - -In his opinion the idea of the dignity of theatrical art was -pedantic nonsense, and he thought light serio-comic vaudeville -the only class of performance worth considering. Serious opera, -rich musical ensemble, was his particular aversion, and my -demands for this irritated him so that he met them only with -scorn and indignant refusals. Of the strange connection between -this artistic bias and his taste in the domain of morality I was -also to become aware, to my horror, in due course. For the -present I felt so repelled by the declaration of his artistic -antipathies, as to let my dislike for the theatre as a profession -steadily grow upon me. I still took pleasure in some good -performances which I was able to get up, under favourable -circumstances, at the larger theatre at Mitau, to where the -company went for a time in the early part of the summer. Yet it -was while I was there, spending most of my time reading Bulwer -Lytton's novels, that I made a secret resolve to try hard to free -myself from all connection with the only branch of theatrical art -which had so far been open to me. - -The composition of my Rienzi, the text of which I had finished in -the early days of my sojourn in Riga, was destined to bridge me -over to the glorious world for which I had longed so intensely. I -had laid aside the completion of my Gluckliche Barenfamilie, for -the simple reason that the lighter character of this piece would -have thrown me more into contact with the very theatrical people -I most despised. My greatest consolation now was to prepare -Rienzi with such an utter disregard of the means which were -available there for its production, that my desire to produce it -would force me out of the narrow confines of this puny theatrical -circle to seek a fresh connection with one of the larger -theatres. It was after our return from Mitau, in the middle of -the summer of 1838, that I set to work on this composition, and -by so doing roused myself to a state of enthusiasm which, -considering my position, was nothing less than desperate dare- -devilry. All to whom I confided my plan perceived at once, on the -mere mention of my subject, that I was preparing to break away -from my present position, in which there could be no possibility -of producing my work, and I was looked upon as light-headed and -fit only for an asylum. - -To all my acquaintances my procedure seemed stupid and reckless. -Even the former patron of my peculiar Leipzig overture thought it -impracticable and eccentric, seeing that I had again turned my -back on light opera. He expressed this opinion very freely in the -Neue Zeitschrift fur Musik, in a report of a concert I had given -towards the end of the previous winter, and openly ridiculed the -Magdeburg Columbus Overture and the Rule Britannia Overture -previously mentioned. I myself had not taken any pleasure in the -performance of either of these overtures, as my predilection for -cornets, strongly marked in both these overtures, again played me -a sorry trick, as I had evidently expected too much of our Riga -musicians, and had to endure all kinds of disappointment on the -occasion of the performance. As a complete contrast to my -extravagant setting of Rienzi, this same director, H. Dorn, had -set to work to write an opera in which he had most carefully -borne in mind the conditions obtaining at the Riga theatre. Der -Schoffe van Paris, an historical operetta of the period of the -siege of Paris by Joan of Arc, was practised and performed by us -to the complete satisfaction of the composer. However, the -success of this work gave me no reason for abandoning my project -to complete my Rienzi, and I was secretly pleased to find that I -could regard this success without a trace of envy. Though -animated by no feeling of rivalry, I gradually gave up -associating with the Riga artists, confining myself chiefly to -the performance of the duties I had undertaken, and worked away -at the two first acts of my big opera without troubling myself at -all whether I should ever get so far as to see it produced. - -The serious and bitter experiences I had had so early in life had -done much to guide me towards that intensely earnest side of my -nature that had manifested itself in my earliest youth. The -effect of these bitter experiences was now to be still further -emphasised by other sad impressions. Not long after Minna had -rejoined me, I received from home the news of the death of my -sister Rosalie. It was the first time in my life that I had -experienced the passing away of one near and dear to me. The -death of this sister struck me as a most cruel and significant -blow of fate; it was out of love and respect for her that I had -turned away so resolutely from my youthful excesses, and it was -to gain her sympathy that I had devoted special thought and care -to my first great works. When the passions and cares of life had -come upon me and driven me away from my home, it was she who had -read deep down into my sorely stricken heart, and who had bidden -me that anxious farewell on my departure from Leipzig. At the -time of my disappearance, when the news of my wilful marriage and -of my consequent unfortunate position reached my family, it was -she who, as my mother informed me later, never lost her faith in -me, but who always cherished the hope that I would one day reach -the full development of my capabilities and make a genuine -success of my life. - -Now, at the news of her death, and illuminated by the -recollection of that one impressive farewell, as by a flash of -lightning I saw the immense value my relations with this sister -had been to me, and I did not fully realise the extent of her -influence until later on, when, after my first striking -successes, my mother tearfully lamented that Rosalie had not -lived to witness them. It really did me good to be again in -communication with my family. My mother and sisters had had news -of my doings somehow or other, and I was deeply touched, in the -letters which I was now receiving from them, to hear no -reproaches anent my headstrong and apparently heartless -behaviour, but only sympathy and heartfelt solicitude. My family -had also received favourable reports about my wife's good -qualities, a fact about which I was particularly glad, as I was -thus spared the difficulties of defending her questionable -behaviour to me, which I should have been at pains to excuse. -This produced a salutary calm in my soul, which had so recently -been a prey to the worst anxieties. All that had driven me with -such passionate haste to an improvident and premature marriage, -all that had consequently weighed on me so ruinously, now seemed -set at rest, leaving peace in its stead. And although the -ordinary cares of life still pressed on me for many years, often -in a most vexatious and troublesome form, yet the anxieties -attendant on my ardent youthful wishes were in a manner subdued -and calm. From thence forward till the attainment of my -professional independence, all my life's struggles could be -directed entirely towards that more ideal aim which, from the -time of the conception of my Rienzi, was to be my only guide -through life. - -It was only later that I first realised the real character of my -life in Riga, from the utterance of one of its inhabitants, who -was astonished to learn of the success of a man of whose -importance, during the whole of his two years' sojourn in the -small capital of Livonia, nothing had been known. Thrown entirely -on my own resources, I was a stranger to every one. As I -mentioned before, I kept aloof from all the theatre folk, in -consequence of my increasing dislike of them, and therefore, when -at the end of March, 1839, at the close of my second winter -there, I was given my dismissal by the management, although this -occurrence surprised me for other reasons, yet I felt fully -reconciled to this compulsory change in my life. The reasons -which led to this dismissal were, however, of such a nature that -I could only regard it as one of the most disagreeable -experiences of my life. Once, when I was lying dangerously ill, I -heard of Holtei's real feelings towards me. I had caught a severe -cold in the depth of winter at a theatrical rehearsal, and it at -once assumed a serious character, owing to the fact that my -nerves were in a state of constant irritation from the continual -annoyance and vexatious worry caused by the contemptible -character of the theatrical management. It was just at the time -when a special performance of the opera Norma was to be given by -our company in Mitau. Holtei insisted on my getting up from a -sick-bed to make this wintry journey, and thus to expose myself -to the danger of seriously increasing my cold in the icy theatre -at Mitau. Typhoid fever was the consequence, and this pulled me -down to such an extent that Holtei, who heard of my condition, is -said to have remarked at the theatre that I should probably never -conduct again, and that, to all intents and purposes, 'I was on -my last legs.' It was to a splendid homoeopathic physician, Dr. -Prutzer, that I owed my recovery and my life. Not long after that -Holtei left our theatre and Riga for ever; his occupation there, -with 'the far too respectable conditions,' as he expressed it, -had become intolerable to him. In addition, however, -circumstances had arisen in his domestic life (which had been -much affected by the death of his wife) which seemed to make him -consider a complete break with Riga eminently desirable. But to -my astonishment I now first became aware that I too had -unconsciously been a sufferer from the troubles he had brought -upon himself. When Holtei's successor in the management--Joseph -Hoffmann the singer--informed me that his predecessor had made it -a condition to his taking over the post that he should enter into -the same engagement that Holtei had made with the conductor Dorn -for the post which I had hitherto filled, and my reappointment -had therefore been made an impossibility, my wife met my -astonishment at this news by giving me the reason, of which for -some considerable time past she had been well aware, namely, -Holtei's special dislike of us both. When I was afterwards -informed by Minna of what had happened--she having purposely kept -it from me all this time, so as not to cause bad feeling between -me and my director--a ghastly light was thrown upon the whole -affair. I did indeed remember perfectly how, soon after Minna's -arrival in Riga, I had been particularly pressed by Holtei not to -prevent my wife's engagement at the theatre. I asked him to talk -things quietly over with her, so that he might see that Minna's -unwillingness rested on a mutual understanding, and not on any -jealousy on my part. I had intentionally given him the time when -I was engaged at the theatre on rehearsals for the necessary -discussions with my wife. At the end of these meetings I had, on -my return, often found Minna in a very excited condition, and at -length she declared emphatically that under no circumstances -would she accept the engagement offered by Holtei. I had also -noticed in Minna's demeanour towards me a strange anxiety to know -why I was not unwilling to allow Holtei to try to persuade her. -Now that the catastrophe had occurred, I learned that Holtei had -in fact used these interviews for making improper advances to my -wife, the nature of which I only realised with difficulty on -further acquaintance with this man's peculiarities, and after -having heard of other instances of a similar nature. I then -discovered that Holtei considered it an advantage to get himself -talked about in connection with pretty women, in order thus to -divert the attention of the public from other conduct even more -disreputable. After this Minna was exceedingly indignant at -Holtei, who, finding his own suit rejected, appeared as the -medium for another suitor, on whose behalf he urged that he would -think none the worse of her for rejecting him, a grey-haired and -penniless man, but at the same time advocated the suit of -Brandenburg, a very wealthy and handsome young merchant. His -fierce indignation at this double repulse, his humiliation at -having revealed his real nature to no purpose, seems, to judge -from Minna's observations, to have been exceedingly great. I now -understood too well that his frequent and profoundly contemptuous -sallies against respectable actors and actresses had not been -mere spirited exaggerations, but that he had probably often had -to complain of being put thoroughly to shame on this account. - -The fact that the playing of such criminal parts as the one he -had had in view with my wife was unable to divert the ever- -increasing attention of the outside world from his vicious and -dissolute habits, does not seem to have escaped him; for those -behind the scenes told me candidly that it was owing to the fear -of very unpleasant revelations that he had suddenly decided to -give up his position at Riga altogether. Even in much later years -I heard about Holtei's bitter dislike of me, a dislike which -showed itself, among other things, in his denunciation of The -Music of the Future, [Footnote: Zukunftsmusik is a pamphlet -revealing some of Wagner's artistic aims and aspirations, written -1860-61.--EDITOR.] and of its tendency to jeopardise the -simplicity of pure sentiment. I have previously mentioned that he -displayed so much personal animosity against me during the latter -part of the time we were together in Riga that he vented his -hostility upon me in every possible way. Up to that time I had -felt inclined to ascribe it to the divergence of our respective -views on artistic points. - -To my dismay I now became aware that personal considerations -alone were at the bottom of all this, and I blushed to realise -that by my former unreserved confidence in a man whom I thought -was absolutely honest, I had based my knowledge of human nature -on such very weak foundations. But still greater was my -disappointment when I discovered the real character of my friend -H. Dorn. During the whole time of our intercourse at Riga, he, -who formerly treated me more like a good-natured elder brother, -had become my most confidential friend. We saw and visited each -other almost daily, very frequently in our respective homes. I -kept not a single secret from him, and the performance of his -Schoffe van Paris under my direction was as successful as if it -had been under his own. Now, when I heard that my post had been -given to him, I felt obliged to ask him about it, in order to -learn whether there was any mistake on his part as to my -intention regarding the position I had hitherto held. But from -his letter in reply I could clearly see that Dorn had really made -use of Holtei's dislike for me to extract from him, before his -departure, an arrangement which was both binding on his successor -and also in his (Dorn's) own favour. As my friend he ought to -have known that he could benefit by this agreement only in the -event of my resigning my appointment in Riga, because in our -confidential conversations, which continued to the end, he always -carefully refrained from touching on the possibility of my going -away or remaining. In fact, he declared that Holtei had -distinctly told him he would on no account re-engage me, as I -could not get on with the singers. He added that after this one -could not take it amiss if he, who had been inspired with fresh -enthusiasm for the theatre by the success of his Schoffe von -Paris, had seized and turned to his own advantage the chance -offered to him. Moreover, he had gathered from my confidential -communications that I was very awkwardly situated, and that, -owing to my small salary having been cut down by Holtei from the -very beginning, I was in a very precarious position on account of -the demands of my creditors in Konigsberg and Magdeburg. It -appeared that these people had employed against me a lawyer, who -was a friend of Dorn's, and that, consequently, he had come to -the conclusion that I would not be able to remain in Riga. -Therefore, even as my friend, he had felt his conscience quite -clear in accepting Holtei's proposal. - -In order not to leave him in the complacent enjoyment of this -self-deception, I put it clearly before him that he could not be -ignorant of the fact that a higher salary had been promised to me -for the third year of my contract; and that, by the establishment -of orchestral concerts, which had already made a favourable -start, I now saw my way to getting free from those long-standing -debts, having already overcome the difficulties of the removal -and settling down. I also asked him how he would act if I saw it -was to my own interest to retain my post, and to call on him to -resign his agreement with Holtei, who, as a matter of fact, after -his departure from Riga, had withdrawn his alleged reason for my -dismissal. To this I received no answer, nor have I had one up to -the present day; but, on the other hand, in 1865, I was -astonished to see Dorn enter my house in Munich unannounced, and -when to his joy I recognised him, he stepped up to me with a -gesture which clearly showed his intention of embracing me. -Although I managed to evade this, yet I soon saw the difficulty -of preventing him from addressing me with the familiar form of -'thou,' as the attempt to do so would have necessitated -explanations that would have been a useless addition to all my -worries just then; for it was the time when my Tristan was being -produced. - -Such a man was Heinrich Dorn. Although, after the failure of -three operas, he had retired in disgust from the theatre to -devote himself exclusively to the commercial side of music, yet -the success of his opera, Der Schoffe von Paris, in Riga helped -him back to a permanent place among the dramatic musicians of -Germany. But to this position he was first dragged from -obscurity, across the bridge of infidelity to his friend, and by -the aid of virtue in the person of Director Holtei, thanks to a -magnanimous oversight on the part of Franz Listz. The preference -of King Friedrich Wilhelm IV. for church scenes contributed to -secure him eventually his important position at the greatest -lyric theatre in Germany, the Royal Opera of Berlin. For he was -prompted far less by his devotion to the dramatic muse than by -his desire to secure a good position in some important German -city, when, as already hinted, through Liszt's recommendation he -was appointed musical director of Cologne Cathedral. During a -fete connected with the building of the cathedral he managed, as -a musician, so to work upon the Prussian monarch's religious -feelings, that he was appointed to the dignified post of musical -conductor at the Royal Theatre, in which capacity he long -continued to do honour to German dramatic music in conjunction -with Wilhelm Taubert. - -I must give J. Hoffmann, who from this time forward was the -manager of the Riga theatre, the credit of having felt the -treachery practised upon me very deeply indeed. He told me that -his contract with Dorn bound him only for one year, and that the -moment the twelve months had elapsed he wished to come to a fresh -agreement with me. As soon as this was known, my patrons in Riga -came forward with offers of teaching engagements and arrangements -for sundry concerts, by way of compensating me for the year's -salary which I should lose by being away from my work as a -conductor. Though I was much gratified by these offers, yet, as I -have already pointed out, the longing to break loose from the -kind of theatrical life which I had experienced up to that time -so possessed me that I resolutely seized this chance of -abandoning my former vocation for an entirely new one. Not -without some shrewdness, I played upon my wife's indignation at -the treachery I had suffered, in order to make her fall in with -my eccentric notion of going to Paris. Already in my conception -of Rienzi I had dreamed of the most magnificent theatrical -conditions, but now, without halting at any intermediate -stations, my one desire was to reach the very heart of all -European grand opera. While still in Magdeburg I had made H. -Konig's romance, Die Hohe Braut, the subject of a grand opera in -five acts, and in the most luxurious French style. After the -scenic draft of this opera, which had been translated into -French, was completely worked out, I sent it from Konigsberg to -Scribe in Paris. With this manuscript I sent a letter to the -famous operatic poet, in which I suggested that he might make use -of my plot, on condition that he would secure me the composition -of the music for the Paris Opera House. To convince him of my -ability to compose Parisian operatic music, I also sent him the -score of my Liebesverbot. At the same time I wrote to Meyerbeer, -informing him of my plans, and begging him to support me. I was -not at all disheartened at receiving no reply, for I was content -to know that now at last 'I was in communication with Paris.' -When, therefore, I started out upon my daring journey from Riga, -I seemed to have a comparatively serious object in view, and my -Paris projects no longer struck me as being altogether in the -air. In addition to this I now heard that my youngest sister, -Cecilia, had become betrothed to a certain Eduard Avenarius, an -employee of the Brockhaus book-selling firm, and that he had -undertaken the management of their Paris branch. To him I applied -for news of Scribe, and for an answer to the application I had -made to that gentleman some years previously. Avenarius called on -Scribe, and from him received an acknowledgment of the receipt of -my earlier communication. Scribe also showed that he had some -recollection of the subject itself; for he said that, so far as -he could remember, there was a joueuse de harpe in the piece, who -was ill-treated by her brother. The fact that this merely -incidental item had alone remained in his memory led me to -conclude that he had not extended his acquaintance with the piece -beyond the first act, in which the item in question occurs. When, -moreover, I heard that he had nothing to say in regard to my -score, except that he had had portions of it played over to him -by a pupil of the Conservatoire, I really could not flatter -myself that he had entered into definite and conscious relations -with me. And yet I had palpable evidence in a letter of his to -Avenarius, which the latter forwarded to me, that Scribe had -actually occupied himself with my work, and that I was indeed in -communication with him, and this letter of Scribe's made such an -impression upon my wife, who was by no means inclined to be -sanguine, that she gradually overcame her apprehensions in regard -to the Paris adventure. At last it was fixed and settled that on -the expiry of my second year's contract in Riga (that is to say, -in the coming summer, 1839), we should journey direct from Riga -to Paris, in order that I might try my luck there as a composer -of opera. - -The production of my Rienzi now began to assume greater -importance. The composition of its second act was finished before -we started, and into this I wove a heroic ballet of extravagant -dimensions. It was now imperative that I should speedily acquire -a knowledge of French, a language which, during my classical -studies at the Grammar School, I had contemptuously laid aside. -As there were only four weeks in which to recover the time I had -lost, I engaged an excellent French master. But as I soon -realised that I could achieve but little in so short a time, I -utilised the hours of the lessons in order to obtain from him, -under the pretence of receiving instruction, an idiomatic -translation of my Rienzi libretto. This I wrote with red ink on -such parts of the score as were finished, so that on reaching -Paris I might immediately submit my half-finished opera to French -judges of art. - -Everything now seemed to be carefully prepared for my departure, -and all that remained to be done was to raise the necessary funds -for my undertaking. But in this respect the outlook was bad. The -sale of our modest household furniture, the proceeds of a benefit -concert, and my meagre savings only sufficed to satisfy the -importunate demands of my creditors in Magdeburg and Konigsberg. -I knew that if I were to devote all my cash to this purpose, -there would not be a farthing left. Some way out of the fix must -be found, and this our old Konigsberg friend, Abraham Moller, -suggested in his usual flippant and obscure manner. Just at this -critical moment he paid us a second visit to Riga. I acquainted -him with the difficulties of our position, and all the obstacles -which stood in the way of my resolve to go to Paris. In his -habitual laconical way he counselled me to reserve all my savings -for our journey, and to settle with my creditors when my Parisian -successes had provided the necessary means. To help us in -carrying out this plan, he offered to convey us in his carriage -across the Russian frontier at top speed to an East Prussian -port. We should have to cross the Russian frontier without -passports, as these had been already impounded by our foreign -creditors. He assured us that we should find it quite simple to -carry out this very hazardous expedition, and declared that he -had a friend on a Prussian estate close to the frontier who would -render us very effective assistance. My eagerness to escape at -any price from my previous circumstances, and to enter with all -possible speed upon the wider field, in which I hoped very soon -to realise my ambition, blinded me to all the unpleasantnesses -which the execution of his proposal must entail. Director -Hoffmann, who considered himself bound to serve me to the utmost -of his ability, facilitated my departure by allowing me to leave -some months before the expiration of my engagement. After -continuing to conduct the operatic portion of the Mitau -theatrical season through the month of June, we secretly started -in a special coach hired by Moller and under his protection. The -goal of our journey was Paris, but many unheard-of hardships were -in store for us before we were to reach that city. - -The sense of contentment involuntarily aroused by our passage -through the fruitful Courland in the luxuriant month of July, and -by the sweet illusion that now at last I had cut myself loose -from a hateful existence, to enter upon a new and boundless path -of fortune, was disturbed from its very outset by the miserable -inconveniences occasioned by the presence of a huge Newfoundland -dog called Robber. This beautiful creature, originally the -property of a Riga merchant, had, contrary to the nature of his -race, become devotedly attached to me. After I had left Riga, and -during my long stay in Mitau, Robber incessantly besieged my -empty house, and so touched the hearts of my landlord and the -neighbours by his fidelity, that they sent the dog after me by -the conductor of the coach to Mitau, where I greeted him with -genuine effusion, and swore that, in spite of all difficulties, I -would never part with him again. Whatever might happen, the dog -must go with us to Paris. And yet, even to get him into the -carriage proved almost impossible. All my endeavours to find him -a place in or about the vehicle were in vain, and, to my great -grief, I had to watch the huge northern beast, with his shaggy -coat, gallop all day long in the blazing sun beside the carriage. -At last, moved to pity by his exhaustion, and unable to bear the -sight any longer, I hit upon a most ingenious plan for bringing -the great animal with us into the carriage, where, in spite of -its being full to overflowing, he was just able to find room. - -On the evening of the second day we reached the Russo-Prussian -frontier. Moller's evident anxiety as to whether we should be -able to cross it safely showed us plainly that the matter was one -of some danger. His good friend from the other side duly turned -up with a small carriage, as arranged, and in this conveyance -drove Minna, myself, and Robber through by paths to a certain -point, whence he led us on foot to a house of exceedingly -suspicious exterior, where, after handing us over to a guide, he -left us. There we had to wait until sundown, and had ample -leisure in which to realise that we were in a smugglers' drinking -den, which gradually became filled to suffocation with Polish -Jews of most forbidding aspect. - -At last we were summoned to follow our guide. A few hundred feet -away, on the slope of a hill, lay the ditch which runs the whole -length of the Russian frontier, watched continually and at very -narrow intervals by Cossacks. Our chance was to utilise the few -moments after the relief of the watch, during which the sentinels -were elsewhere engaged. We had, therefore, to run at full speed -down the hill, scramble through the ditch, and then hurry along -until we were beyond the range of the soldiers' guns; for the -Cossacks were bound in case of discovery to fire upon us even on -the other side of the ditch. In spite of my almost passionate -anxiety for Minna, I had observed with singular pleasure the -intelligent behaviour of Robber, who, as though conscious of the -danger, silently kept close to our side, and entirely dispelled -my fear that he would give trouble during our dangerous passage. -At last our trusted helpmeet reappeared, and was so delighted -that he hugged us all in his arms. Then, placing us once more in -his carriage, he drove us to the inn of the Prussian frontier -village, where my friend Moller, positively sick with anxiety, -leaped sobbing and rejoicing out of bed to greet us. - -It was only now that I began to realise the danger to which I had -exposed, not only myself, but also my poor Minna, and the folly -of which I had been guilty through my ignorance of the terrible -difficulties of secretly crossing the frontier--difficulties -concerning which Moller had foolishly allowed me to remain in -ignorance. - -I was simply at a loss to convey to my poor exhausted wife how -extremely I regretted the whole affair. - -And yet the difficulties we had just overcome were but the -prelude to the calamities incidental to this adventurous journey -which had such a decisive influence on my life. The following -day, when, with courage renewed, we drove through the rich plain -of Tilsit to Arnau, near Konigsberg, we decided, as the next -stage of our journey, to proceed from the Prussian harbour of -Pillau by sailing vessel to London. Our principal reason for this -was the consideration of the dog we had with us. It was the -easiest way to take him. To convey him by coach from Konigsberg -to Paris was out of the question, and railways were unknown. But -another consideration was our budget; the whole result of my -desperate efforts amounted to not quite one hundred ducats, which -were to cover not only the journey to Paris, but our expenses -there until I should have earned something. Therefore, after a -few days' rest in the inn at Arnau, we drove to the little -seaport town of Pillau, again accompanied by Moller, in one of -the ordinary local conveyances, which was not much better than a -wagon. In order to avoid Konigsberg, we passed through the -smaller villages and over bad roads. Even this short distance was -not to be covered without accident. The clumsy conveyance upset -in a farmyard, and Minna was so severely indisposed by the -accident, owing to an internal shock, that I had to drag her-- -with the greatest difficulty, as she was quite helpless--to a -peasant's house. The people were surly and dirty, and the night -we spent there was a painful one for the poor sufferer. A delay -of several days occurred before the departure of the Pillau -vessel, but this was welcome as a respite to allow of Minna's -recovery. Finally, as the captain was to take us without a -passport, our going on board was accompanied by exceptional -difficulties. We had to contrive to slip past the harbour watch -to our vessel in a small boat before daybreak. Once on board, we -still had the troublesome task of hauling Robber up the steep -side of the vessel without attracting attention, and after that -to conceal ourselves at once below deck, in order to escape the -notice of officials visiting the ship before its departure. The -anchor was weighed, and at last, as the land faded gradually out -of sight, we thought we could breathe freely and feel at ease. - -We were on board a merchant vessel of the smallest type. She was -called the Thetis; a bust of the nymph was erected in the bows, -and she carried a crew of seven men, including the captain. With -good weather, such as was to be expected in summer, the journey -to London was estimated to take eight days. However, before we -had left the Baltic, we were delayed by a prolonged calm. I made -use of the time to improve my knowledge of French by the study of -a novel, La Derniere Aldini, by George Sand. We also derived some -entertainment from associating with the crew. There was an -elderly and peculiarly taciturn sailor named Koske, whom we -observed carefully because Robber, who was usually so friendly, -had taken an irreconcilable dislike to him. Oddly enough, this -fact was to add in some degree to our troubles in the hour of -danger. After seven days' sailing we were no further than -Copenhagen, where, without leaving the vessel, we seized an -opportunity of making our very spare diet on board more bearable -by various purchases of food and drink. In good spirits we sailed -past the beautiful castle of Elsinore, the sight of which brought -me into immediate touch with my youthful impressions of Hamlet. -We were sailing all unsuspecting through the Cattegat to the -Skagerack, when the wind, which had at first been merely -unfavourable, and had forced us to a process of weary tacking, -changed on the second day to a violent storm. For twenty-four -hours we had to struggle against it under disadvantages which -were quite new to us. In the captain's painfully narrow cabin, in -which one of us was without a proper berth, we were a prey to -sea-sickness and endless alarms. Unfortunately, the brandy cask, -at which the crew fortified themselves during their strenuous -work, was let into a hollow under the seat on which I lay at full -length. Now it happened to be Koske who came most frequently in -search of the refreshment which was such a nuisance to me, and -this in spite of the fact that on each occasion he had to -encounter Robber in mortal combat. The dog flew at him with -renewed rage each time he came climbing down the narrow steps. I -was thus compelled to make efforts which, in my state of complete -exhaustion from sea-sickness, rendered my condition every time -more critical. At last, on 27th July, the captain was compelled -by the violence of the west wind to seek a harbour on the -Norwegian coast. And how relieved I was to behold that far- -reaching rocky coast, towards which we were being driven at such -speed! A Norwegian pilot came to meet us in a small boat, and, -with experienced hand, assumed control of the Thetis, whereupon -in a very short time I was to have one of the most marvellous and -most beautiful impressions of my life. What I had taken to be a -continuous line of cliffs turned out on our approach to be a -series of separate rocks projecting from the sea. Having sailed -past them, we perceived that we were surrounded, not only in -front and at the sides, but also at our back, by these reefs, -which closed in behind us so near together that they seemed to -form a single chain of rocks. At the same time the hurricane was -so broken by the rocks in our rear that the further we sailed -through this ever-changing labyrinth of projecting rocks, the -calmer the sea became, until at last the vessel's progress was -perfectly smooth and quiet as we entered one of those long sea- -roads running through a giant ravine--for such the Norwegian -fjords appeared to me. - -A feeling of indescribable content came over me when the enormous -granite walls echoed the hail of the crew as they cast anchor and -furled the sails. The sharp rhythm of this call clung to me like -an omen of good cheer, and shaped itself presently into the theme -of the seamen's song in my Fliegender Hollander. The idea of this -opera was, even at that time, ever present in my mind, and it now -took on a definite poetic and musical colour under the influence -of my recent impressions. Well, our next move was to go on shore. -I learned that the little fishing village at which we landed was -called Sandwike, and was situated a few miles away from the much -larger town of Arendal. We were allowed to put up at the -hospitable house of a certain ship's captain, who was then away -at sea, and here we were able to take the rest we so much needed, -as the unabated violence of the wind in the open detained us -there two days. On 31st July the captain insisted on leaving, -despite the pilot's warning. We had been on board the Thetis a -few hours, and were in the act of eating a lobster for the first -time in our lives, when the captain and the sailors began to -swear violently at the pilot, whom I could see at the helm, rigid -with fear, striving to avoid a reef--barely visible above the -water--towards which our ship was being driven. Great was our -terror at this violent tumult, for we naturally thought ourselves -in the most extreme danger. The vessel did actually receive a -severe shock, which, to my vivid imagination, seemed like the -splitting up of the whole ship. Fortunately, however, it -transpired that only the side of our vessel had fouled the reef, -and there was no immediate danger. Nevertheless, the captain -deemed it necessary to steer for a harbour to have the vessel -examined, and we returned to the coast and anchored at another -point. The captain then offered to take us in a small boat with -two sailors to Tromsond, a town of some importance situated at a -few hours' distance, where he had to invite the harbour officials -to examine his ship. This again proved a most attractive and -impressive excursion. The view of one fjord in particular, which -extended far inland, worked on my imagination like some unknown, -awe-inspiring desert. This impression was intensified, during a -long walk from Tromsond up to the plateau, by the terribly -depressing effect of the dun moors, bare of tree or shrub, -boasting only a covering of scanty moss, which stretch away to -the horizon, and merge imperceptibly into the gloomy sky. It was -long after dark when we returned from this trip in our little -boat, and my wife was very anxious. The next morning (1st -August), reassured as to the condition of the vessel, and the -wind favouring us, we were able to go to sea without further -hindrance. - -After four days' calm sailing a strong north wind arose, which -drove us at uncommon speed in the right direction. We began to -think ourselves nearly at the end of our journey when, on 6th -August, the wind changed, and the storm began to rage with -unheard-of violence. On the 7th, a Wednesday, at half-past two in -the afternoon, we thought ourselves in imminent danger of death. -It was not the terrible force with which the vessel was hurled up -and down, entirely at the mercy of this sea monster, which -appeared now as a fathomless abyss, now as a steep mountain peak, -that filled me with mortal dread; my premonition of some terrible -crisis was aroused by the despondency of the crew, whose -malignant glances seemed superstitiously to point to us as the -cause of the threatening disaster. Ignorant of the trifling -occasion for the secrecy of our journey, the thought may have -occurred to them that our need of escape had arisen from -suspicious or even criminal circumstances. The captain himself -seemed, in his extreme distress, to regret having taken us on -board; for we had evidently brought him ill-luck on this familiar -passage--usually a rapid and uncomplicated one, especially in -summer. At this particular moment there raged, beside the tempest -on the water, a furious thunderstorm overhead, and Minna -expressed the fervent wish to be struck by lightning with me -rather than to sink, living, into the fearful flood. She even -begged me to bind her to me, so that we might not be parted as we -sank. Yet another night was spent amid these incessant terrors, -which only our extreme exhaustion helped to mitigate. - -The following day the storm had subsided; the wind remained -unfavourable, but was mild. The captain now tried to find our -bearings by means of his astronomical instruments. He complained -of the sky, which had been overcast so many days, swore that he -would give much for a single glimpse of the sun or the stars, and -did not conceal the uneasiness he felt at not being able to -indicate our whereabouts with certainty. He consoled himself, -however, by following a ship which was sailing some knots ahead -in the same direction, and whose movements he observed closely -through the telescope. Suddenly he sprang up in great alarm, and -gave a vehement order to change our course. He had seen the ship -in front go aground on a sand-bank, from which, he asserted, she -could not extricate herself; for he now realised that we were -near the most dangerous part of the belt of sand-banks bordering -the Dutch coast for a considerable distance. By dint of very -skilful sailing, we were enabled to keep the opposite course -towards the English coast, which we in fact sighted on the -evening of 9th August, in the neighbourhood of Southwold. I felt -new life come into me when I saw in the far distance the English -pilots racing for our ship. As competition is free among pilots -on the English coast, they come out as far as possible to meet -incoming vessels, even when the risks are very great. - -The winner in our case was a powerful grey-haired man, who, after -much vain battling with the seething waves, which tossed his -light boat away from our ship at each attempt, at last succeeded -in boarding the Thetis. (Our poor, hardly-used boat still bore -the name, although the wooden figure-head of our patron nymph had -been hurled into the sea during our first storm in the Cattegat-- -an ill-omened incident in the eyes of the crew.) We were filled -with pious gratitude when this quiet English sailor, whose hands -were torn and bleeding from his repeated efforts to catch the -rope thrown to him on his approach, took over the rudder. His -whole personality impressed us most agreeably, and he seemed to -us the absolute guarantee of a speedy deliverance from our -terrible afflictions. We rejoiced too soon, however, for we still -had before us the perilous passage through the sand-banks off the -English coast, where, as I was assured, nearly four hundred ships -are wrecked on an average every year. We were fully twenty-four -hours (from the evening of the 10th to the 11th of August) amid -these sandbanks, fighting a westerly gale, which hindered our -progress so seriously that we only reached the mouth of the -Thames on the evening of the 12th of August. My wife had, up to -that point, been so nervously affected by the innumerable danger -signals, consisting chiefly of small guardships painted bright -red and provided with bells on account of the fog, that she could -not close her eyes, day or night, for the excitement of watching -for them and pointing them out to the sailors. I, on the -contrary, found these heralds of human proximity and deliverance -so consoling that, despite Minna's reproaches, I indulged in a -long refreshing sleep. Now that we were anchored in the mouth of -the Thames, waiting for daybreak, I found myself in the best of -spirits; I dressed, washed, and even shaved myself up on deck -near the mast, while Minna and the whole exhausted crew were -wrapped in deep slumber. And with deepening interest I watched -the growing signs of life in this famous estuary. Our desire for -a complete release from our detested confinement led us, after we -had sailed a little way up, to hasten our arrival in London by -going on board a passing steamer at Gravesend. As we neared the -capital, our astonishment steadily increased at the number of -ships of all sorts that filled the river, the houses, the -streets, the famous docks, and other maritime constructions which -lined the banks. When at last we reached London Bridge, this -incredibly crowded centre of the greatest city in the world, and -set foot on land after our terrible three weeks' voyage, a -pleasurable sensation of giddiness overcame us as our legs -carried us staggering through the deafening uproar. Robber seemed -to be similarly affected, for he whisked round the corners like a -mad thing, and threatened to get lost every other minute. But we -soon sought safety in a cab, which took us, on our captain's -recommendation, to the Horseshoe Tavern, near the Tower, and here -we had to make our plans for the conquest of this giant -metropolis. - -The neighbourhood in which we found ourselves was such that we -decided to leave it with all possible haste. A very friendly -little hunchbacked Jew from Hamburg suggested better quarters in -the West End, and I remember vividly our drive there, in one of -the tiny narrow cabs then in use, the journey lasting fully an -hour. They were built to carry two people, who had to sit facing -each other, and we therefore had to lay our big dog crosswise -from window to window. The sights we saw from our whimsical nook -surpassed anything we had imagined, and we arrived at our -boarding-house in Old Compton Street agreeably stimulated by the -life and the overwhelming size of the great city. Although at the -age of twelve I had made what I supposed to be a translation of a -monologue from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, I found my -knowledge of English quite inadequate when it came to conversing -with the landlady of the King's Arms. But the good dame's social -condition as a sea-captain's widow led her to think she could -talk French to me, and her attempts made me wonder which of us -knew least of that language. And then a most disturbing incident -occurred--we missed Robber, who must have run away at the door -instead of following us into the house. Our distress at having -lost our good dog after having brought him all the way there with -such difficulty occupied us exclusively during the first two -hours we spent in this new home on land. We kept constant watch -at the window until, of a sudden, we joyfully recognised Robber -strolling unconcernedly towards the house from a side street. -Afterwards we learned that our truant had wandered as far as -Oxford Street in search of adventures, and I have always -considered his amazing return to a house which he had not even -entered as a strong proof of the absolute certainty of the -animal's instincts in the matter of memory. - -We now had time to realise the tiresome after-effects of the -voyage. The continuous swaying of the floor and our clumsy -efforts to keep from falling we found fairly entertaining; but -when we came to take our well-earned rest in the huge English -double bed, and found that that too rocked up and down, it became -quite unbearable. Every time we closed our eyes we sank into -frightful abysses, and, springing up again, cried out for help. -It seemed as if that terrible voyage would go on to the end of -our lives. Added to this we felt miserably sick; for, after the -atrocious food on board, we had been only too ready to partake, -with less discretion than relish, of tastier fare. - -We were so exhausted by all these trials that we forgot to -consider what was, after all, the vital question--the probable -result in hard cash. Indeed, the marvels of the great city proved -so fascinating, that we started off in a cab, for all the world -as if we were on a pleasure trip, to follow up a plan I had -sketched on my map of London. In our wonder and delight at what -we saw, we quite forgot all we had gone through. Costly as it -proved, I considered our week's stay justified in view of Minna's -need of rest in the first place, and secondly, the excellent -opportunity it afforded me of making acquaintances in the musical -world. During my last visit to Dresden I had sent Rule Britannia, -the overture composed at Konigsberg, to Sir John Smart, president -of the Philharmonic Society. It is true he had never acknowledged -it, but I felt it the more incumbent on me to bring him to task -about it. I therefore spent some days trying to find out where he -lived, wondering meanwhile in which language I should have to -make myself understood, but as the result of my inquiries I -discovered that Smart was not in London at all. I next persuaded -myself that it would be a good thing to look up Bulwer Lytton, -and to come to an understanding about the operatic performance of -his novel, Rienzi, which I had dramatised. Having been told, on -the continent, that Bulwer was a member of Parliament, I went to -the House, after a few days, to inquire on the spot. My total -ignorance of the English language stood me in good stead here, -and I was treated with unexpected consideration; for, as none of -the lower officials in that vast building could make out what I -wanted, I was sent, step by step, to one high dignitary after the -other, until at last I was introduced to a distinguished-looking -man, who came out of a large hall as we passed, as an entirely -unintelligible individual. (Minna was with me all the time; only -Robber. had been left behind at the King's Arms.) He asked me -very civilly what I wanted, in French, and seemed favourably -impressed when I inquired for the celebrated author. He was -obliged to tell me, however, that he was not in London. I went on -to ask whether I could not be admitted to a debate, but was told -that, in consequence of the old Houses of Parliament having been -burnt down, they were using temporary premises where the space -was so limited that only a few favoured visitors could procure -cards of admittance. But on my pressing more urgently he relented, -and shortly after opened a door leading direct into the -strangers' seats in the House of Lords. It seemed reasonable to -conclude from this that our friend was a lord in person. I was -immensely interested to see and hear the Premier, Lord Melbourne, -and Brougham (who seemed to me to take a very active part in the -proceedings, prompting Melbourne several times, as I thought), -and the Duke of Wellington, who looked so comfortable in his grey -beaver hat, with his hands diving deep into his trousers pockets, -and who made his speech in so conversational a tone that I lost -my feeling of excessive awe. He had a curious way, too, of -accenting his points of special emphasis by shaking his whole -body, I was also much interested in Lord Lyndhurst, Brougham's -particular enemy, and was amazed to see Brougham go across -several times to sit down coolly beside him, apparently with a -view to prompting even his opponent. The matter in hand was, as I -learned afterwards from the papers, the discussion of measures to -be taken against the Portuguese Government to ensure the passing -of the Anti-Slavery Bill. The Bishop of London, who was one of -the speakers on this occasion, was the only one of these -gentlemen whose voice and manner seemed to me stiff or unnatural, -but possibly I was prejudiced by my dislike of parsons generally. - -After this pleasing adventure I imagined I had exhausted the -attractions of London for the present, for although I could not -gain admittance to the Lower House, my untiring friend, whom I -came across again as I went out, showed me the room where the -Commons sat, explained as much as was necessary, and gave me a -sight of the Speaker's woolsack, and of his mace lying hidden -under the table. He also gave me such careful details of various -things that I felt I knew all there was to know about the capital -of Great Britain. I had not the smallest intention of going to -the Italian opera, possibly because I imagined the prices to be -too ruinous. We thoroughly explored all the principal streets, -often tiring ourselves out; we shuddered through a ghastly London -Sunday, and wound up with a train trip (our very first) to -Gravesend Park, in the company of the captain of the Thetis. On -the 20th of August we crossed over to France by steamer, arriving -the same evening at Boulogne-sur-mer, where we took leave of the -sea with the fervent desire never to go on it again. - -We were both of us secretly convinced that we should meet with -disappointments in Paris, and it was partly on that account that -we decided to spend a few weeks at or near Boulogne. It was, in -any case, too early in the season to find the various important -people whom I proposed to see, in town; on the other hand, it -seemed to me a most fortunate circumstance that Meyerbeer should -happen to be at Boulogne. Also, I had the instrumentation of part -of the second act of Rienzi to finish, and was bent on having at -least half of the work ready to show on my arrival in the costly -French capital. We therefore set out to find less expensive -accommodation in the country round Boulogne. Beginning with the -immediate neighbourhood, our search ended in our taking two -practically unfurnished rooms in the detached house of a rural -wine merchant's, situated on the main road to Paris at half an -hour's distance from Boulogne. We next provided scanty but -adequate furniture, and in bringing our wits to bear upon this -matter Minna particularly distinguished herself. Besides a bed -and two chairs, we dug up a table, which, after I had cleared -away my Rienzi papers, served for our meals, which we had to -prepare at our own fireside. - -While we were here I made my first call on Meyerbeer. I had often -read in the papers of his proverbial amiability, and bore him no -ill-will for not replying to my letter. My favourable opinion was -soon to be confirmed, however, by his kind reception of me. The -impression he made was good in every respect, particularly as -regards his appearance. The years had not yet given his features -the flabby look which sooner or later mars most Jewish faces, and -the fine formation of his brow round about the eyes gave him an -expression of countenance that inspired confidence. He did not -seem in the least inclined to depreciate my intention of trying -my luck in Paris as a composer of opera; he allowed me to read -him my libretto for Rienzi, and really listened up to the end of -the third act. He kept the two acts that were complete, saying -that he wished to look them over, and assured me, when I again -called on him, of his whole-hearted interest in my work. Be this -as it may, it annoyed me somewhat that he should again and again -fall back on praising my minute handwriting, an accomplishment he -considered especially Saxonian. He promised to give me letters of -recommendation to Duponchel, the manager of the Opera House, and -to Habeneck, the conductor. I now felt that I had good cause to -extol my good fortune which, after many vicissitudes, had sent me -precisely to this particular spot in France. What better fortune -could have befallen me than to secure, in so short a time, the -sympathetic interest of the most famous composer of French opera! -Meyerbeer took me to see Moscheles, who was then in Boulogne, and -also Fraulein Blahedka, a celebrated virtuoso whose name I had -known for many years. I spent a few informal musical evenings at -both houses, and thus came into close touch with musical -celebrities, an experience quite new to me. - -I had written to my future brother-in-law, Avernarius, in Paris, -to ask him to find us suitable accommodations, and we started on -our journey thither on 16th September in the diligence, my -efforts to hoist Robber on to the top being attended by the usual -difficulties. - -My first impression of Paris proved disappointing in view of the -great expectations I had cherished of that city; after London it -seemed to me narrow and confined. I had imagined the famous -boulevards to be much vaster, for instance, and was really -annoyed, when the huge coach put us down in the Rue de la -Juissienne, to think that I should first set foot on Parisian -soil in such a wretched little alley. Neither did the Rue -Richelieu, where my brother-in-law had his book-shop, seem -imposing after the streets in the west end of London. As for the -chambre garnie, which had been engaged for me in the Rue de la -Tonnellerie, one of the narrow side-streets which link the Rue -St. Honore with the Marche des Innocents, I felt positively -degraded at having to take up my abode there. I needed all the -consolation that could be derived from an inscription, placed -under a bust of Moliere, which read: maison ou naquit Moliere, to -raise my courage after the mean impression the house had first -made upon me. The room, which had been prepared for us on the -fourth floor, was small but cheerful, decently furnished, and -inexpensive. From the windows we could see the frightful bustle -in the market below, which became more and more alarming as we -watched it, and I wondered what we were doing in such a quarter. - -Shortly after this, Avenarius had to go to Leipzig to bring home -his bride, my youngest sister Cecilia, after the wedding in that -city. Before leaving, he gave me an introduction to his only -musical acquaintance, a German holding an appointment in the -music department of the Bibliotheque Royale, named E. G. Anders, -who lost no time in looking us up in Moliere's house. He was, as -I soon discovered, a man of very unusual character, and, little -as he was able to help me, he left an affecting and ineffaceable -impression on my memory. He was a bachelor in the fifties, whose -reverses had driven him to the sad necessity of earning a living -in Paris entirely without assistance. He had fallen back on the -extraordinary bibliographical knowledge which, especially in -reference to music, it had been his hobby to acquire in the days -of his prosperity. His real name he never told me, wishing to -guard the secret of that, as of his misfortunes, until after his -death. For the time being he told me only that he was known as -Anders, was of noble descent, and had held property on the Rhine, -but that he had lost everything owing to the villainous betrayal -of his gullibility and good-nature. The only thing he had managed -to save was his very considerable library, the size of which I -was able to estimate for myself. It filled every wall of his -small dwelling. Even here in Paris he soon complained of bitter -enemies; for, in spite of having come furnished with an -introduction to influential people, he still held the inferior -position of an employee in the library. In spite of his long -service there and his great learning, he had to see really -ignorant men promoted over his head. I discovered afterwards that -the real reason lay in his unbusinesslike methods, and the -effeminacy consequent on the delicate way in which he had been -nurtured in early life, which made him incapable of developing the -energy necessary for his work. On a miserable pittance of fifteen -hundred francs a year, he led a weary existence, full of anxiety. -With nothing in view but a lonely old age, and the probability of -dying in a hospital, it seemed as if our society put new life -into him; for though we were poverty-stricken, we looked forward -boldly and hopefully to the future. My vivacity and invincible -energy filled him with hopes of my success, and from this time -forward he took a most tender and unselfish part in furthering my -interests. Although he was a contributor to the Gazette Musicale, -edited by Moritz Schlesinger, he had never succeeded in making -his influence felt there in the slightest degree. He had none of -the versatility of a journalist, and the editors entrusted him -with little besides the preparation of bibliographical notes. -Oddly enough, it was with this unworldly and least resourceful of -men that I had to discuss my plan for the conquest of Paris, that -is, of musical Paris, which is made up of all the most -questionable characters imaginable. The result was practically -always the same; we merely encouraged each other in the hope that -some unforeseen stroke of luck would help my cause. - -To assist us in these discussions Anders called in his friend and -housemate Lehrs, a philologist, my acquaintance with whom was -soon to develop into one of the most beautiful friendships of my -life. Lehrs was the younger brother of a famous scholar at -Konigsberg. He had left there to come to Paris some years before, -with the object of gaining an independent position by his -philological work. This he preferred, in spite of the attendant -difficulties, to a post as teacher with a salary which only in -Germany could be considered sufficient for a scholar's wants. He -soon obtained work from Didot, the bookseller, as assistant -editor of a large edition of Greek classics, but the editor -traded on his poverty, and was much more concerned about the -success of his enterprise than about the condition of his poor -collaborator. Lehrs had therefore perpetually to struggle against -poverty, but he preserved an even temper, and showed himself in -every way a model of disinterestedness and self-sacrifice. At -first he looked upon me only as a man in need of advice, and -incidentally a fellow-sufferer in Paris; for he had no knowledge -of music, and had no particular interest in it. We soon became so -intimate that I had him dropping in nearly every evening with -Anders, Lehrs being extremely useful to his friend, whose -unsteadiness in walking obliged him to use an umbrella and a -walking-stick as crutches. He was also nervous in crossing -crowded thorough-fares, and particularly so at night; while he -always liked to make Lehrs cross my threshold in front of him to -distract the attention of Robber, of whom he stood in obvious -terror. Our usually good-natured dog became positively suspicious -of this visitor, and soon adopted towards him the same aggressive -attitude which he had shown to the sailor Koske on board the -Thetis. The two men lived at an hotel garni in Rue de Seine. They -complained greatly of their landlady, who appropriated so much of -their income that they were entirely in her power. Anders had for -years been trying to assert his independence by leaving her, -without being able to carry out his plan. We soon threw off -mutually every shred of disguise as to the present state of our -finances, so that, although the two house-holds were actually -separated, our common troubles gave us all the intimacy of one -united family. - -The various ways by which I might obtain recognition in Paris -formed the chief topic of our discussions at that time. Our hopes -were at first centred on Meyerbeer's promised letters of -introduction. Duponchel, the director of the Opera, did actually -see me at his office, where, fixing a monocle in his right eye, -he read through Meyerbeer's letter without betraying the least -emotion, having no doubt opened similar communications from the -composer many times before. I went away, and never heard another -word from him. The elderly conductor, Habeneck, on the other -hand, took an interest in my work that was not merely polite, and -acceded to my request to have something of mine played at one of -the orchestral practises at the Conservatoire as soon as he -should have leisure. I had, unfortunately, no short instrumental -piece that seemed suitable except my queer Columbus Overture, -which I considered the most effective of all that had emanated -from my pen. It had been received with great applause on the -occasion of its performance in the theatre at Magdeburg, with the -assistance of the valiant trumpeters from the Prussian garrison. -I gave Habeneck the score and parts, and was able to report to -our committee at home that I had now one enterprise on foot. - -I gave up the attempt to try and see Scribe on the mere ground of -our having had some correspondence, for my friends had made it -clear to me, in the light of their own experience, that it was -out of the question to expect this exceptionally busy author to -occupy himself seriously with a young and unknown musician. -Anders was able to introduce me to another acquaintance, however, -a certain M. Dumersan. This grey-haired gentleman had written -some hundred vaudeville pieces, and would have been glad to see -one of them performed as an opera on a larger scale before his -death. He had no idea of standing on his dignity as an author, -and was quite willing to undertake the translation of an existing -libretto into French verse. We therefore entrusted him with the -writing of my Liebesverbot, with a view to a performance at the -Theatre de la Renaissance, as it was then called. (It was the -third existing theatre for lyric drama, the performances being -given in the new Salle Ventadour, which had been rebuilt after -its destruction by fire.) On the understanding that it was to be -a literal translation, he at once turned the three numbers of my -opera, for which I hoped to secure a hearing, into neat French -verse. Besides this, he asked me to compose a chorus for a -vaudeville entitled La Descente de la Courtille, which was to be -played at the Varietes during the carnival. - -This was a second opening. My friends now strongly advised me to -write something small in the way of songs, which I could offer to -popular singers for concert purposes. Both Lehrs and Anders -produced words for these. Anders brought a very innocent Dors, -mon enfant, written by a young poet of his acquaintance; this was -the first thing I composed to a French text. It was so successful -that, when I had tried it over softly several times on the piano, -my wife, who was in bed, called out to me that it was heavenly -for sending one to sleep. I also set L'Attente from Hugo's -Orientales, and Ronsard's song, Mignonne, to music. I have no -reason to be ashamed of these small pieces, which I published -subsequently as a musical supplement to Europa (Lewald's -publication) in 1841. - -I next stumbled on the idea of writing a grand bass aria with a -chorus, for Lablache to introduce into his part of Orovist in -Bellini's Norma. Lehrs had to hunt up an Italian political -refugee to get the text out of him. This was done, and I produced -an effective composition a la Bellini (which still exists among -my manuscripts), and went off at once to offer it to Lablache. - -The friendly Moor, who received me in the great singer's -anteroom, insisted upon admitting me straight into his master's -presence without announcing me. As I had anticipated some -difficulty in getting near such a celebrity, I had written my -request, as I thought this would be simpler than explaining -verbally. - -The black servant's pleasant manner made me feel very -uncomfortable; I entrusted my score and letter to him to give to -Lablache, without taking any notice of his kindly astonishment at -my refusal of his repeated invitation to go into his master's -room and have an interview, and I left the house hurriedly, -intending to call for my answer in a few days. When I came back -Lablache received me most kindly, and assured me that my aria was -excellent, though it was impossible to introduce it into -Bellini's opera after the latter had already been performed so -very often. My relapse into the domain of Bellini's style, of -which I had been guilty through the writing of this aria, was -therefore useless to me, and I soon became convinced of the -fruitlessness of my efforts in that direction. I saw that I -should need personal introductions to various singers in order to -ensure the production of one of my other compositions. - -When Meyerbeer at last arrived in Paris, therefore, I was -delighted. He was not in the least astonished at the lack of -success of his letters of introduction; on the contrary, he made -use of this opportunity to impress upon me how difficult it was -to get on in Paris, and how necessary it was for me to look out -for less pretentious work. With this object he introduced me to -Maurice Schlesinger, and leaving me at the mercy of that -monstrous person, went back to Germany. - -At first Schlesinger did not know what to do with me; the -acquaintances I made through him (of whom the chief was the -violinist Panofka) led to nothing, and I therefore returned to my -advisory board at home, through whose influence I had recently -received an order to compose the music to the Two Grenadiers, by -Heine, translated by a Parisian professor. I wrote this song for -baritone, and was very pleased with the result; on Ander's advice -I now tried to find singers for my new compositions. Mme. Pauline -Viardot, on whom I first called, went through my songs with me. -She was very amiable, and praised them, but did not see why SHE -should sing them. I went through the same experience with a Mme. -Widmann, a grand contralto, who sang my Dors, mon enfant with -great feeling; all the same she had no further use for my -composition. A certain M. Dupont, third tenor at the grand opera, -tried my setting of the Ronsard poem, but declared that the -language in which it was written was no longer palatable to the -Paris public. M. Geraldy, a favourite concert singer and teacher, -who allowed me to call and see him frequently, told me that the -Two Grenadiers was impossible, for the simple reason that the -accompaniment at the end of the song, which I had modelled upon -the Marseillaise, could only be sung in the streets of Paris to -the accompaniment of cannons and gunshots. Habeneck was the only -person who fulfilled his promise to conduct my Columbus Overture -at one of the rehearsals for the benefit of Anders and myself. -As, however, there was no question of producing this work even at -one of the celebrated Conservatoire concerts, I saw clearly that -the old gentleman was only moved by kindness and a desire to -encourage me. It could not lead to anything further, and I myself -was convinced that this extremely superficial work of my young -days could only give the orchestra a wrong impression of my -talents. However, these rehearsals, to my surprise, made such an -unexpected impression on me in other ways that they exercised a -decisive influence in the crisis of my artistic development. This -was due to the fact that I listened repeatedly to Beethoven's -Ninth Symphony, which, by dint of untiring practice, received -such a marvellous interpretation at the hands of this celebrated -orchestra, that the picture I had had of it in my mind in the -enthusiastic days of my youth now stood before me almost tangibly -in brilliant colours, undimmed, as though it had never been -effaced by the Leipzig orchestra who had slaughtered it under -Pohlenz's baton. Where formerly I had only seen mystic -constellations and weird shapes without meaning, I now found, -flowing from innumerable sources, a stream of the most touching -and heavenly melodies which delighted my heart. - -The whole of that period of the deterioration of my musical -tastes which dated, practically speaking, from those selfsame -confusing ideas about Beethoven, and which had grown so much -worse through my acquaintance with that dreadful theatre--all -these wrong views now sank down as if into an abyss of shame and -remorse. - -This inner change had been gradually prepared by many painful -experiences during the last few years. I owed the recovery of my -old vigour and spirits to the deep impression the rendering of -the Ninth Symphony had made on me when performed in a way I had -never dreamed of. This important event in my life can only be -compared to the upheaval caused within me when, as a youth of -sixteen, I saw Schroder-Devrient act in Fidelio. - -The direct result of this was my intense longing to compose -something that would give me a similar feeling of satisfaction, -and this desire grew in proportion to my anxiety about my -unfortunate position in Paris, which made me almost despair of -success. - -In this mood I sketched an overture to Faust which, according to -my original scheme, was only to form the first part of a whole -Faust Symphony, as I had already got the 'Gretchen' idea in my -head for the second movement. This is the same composition that I -rewrote in several parts fifteen years later; I had forgotten all -about it, and I owed its reconstruction to the advice of Liszt, -who gave me many valuable hints. This composition has been -performed many times under the title of eine Faust-ouverture, and -has met with great appreciation. At the time of which I am -speaking, I hoped that the Conservatoire orchestra would have -been willing to give the work a hearing, but I was told they -thought they had done enough for me, and hoped to be rid of me -for some time. - -Having failed everywhere, I now turned to Meyerbeer for more -introductions, especially to singers. I was very much surprised -when, in consequence of my request, Meyerbeer introduced me to a -certain M. Gouin, a post-office official, and Meyerbeer's sole -agent in Paris, whom he instructed to do his utmost for me. -Meyerbeer specially wished me to know M. Antenor Joly, director -of the Theatre de la Renaissance, the musical theatre already -mentioned. M. Gouin, with almost suspicious levity, promised me -to produce my opera Liebesverbot, which now only required -translation. There was a question of having a few numbers of my -opera sung to the committee of the theatre at a special audience. -When I suggested that some of the singers of this very theatre -should undertake to sing three of the numbers which had been -already translated by Dumersan, I was refused on the plea that -all these artists were far too busy. But Gouin saw a way out of -the difficulty; on the authority of Maitre Meyerbeer, he won over -to our cause several singers who were under an obligation to -Meyerbeer: Mme. Dorus-Gras, a real primadonna of the Grand Opera, -Mme. Widmann and M. Dupont (the two last-named had previously -refused to help me) now promised to sing for me at this audience. - -This much, then, did I achieve in six months. It was now nearly -Easter of the year 1840. Encouraged by Gouin's negotiations, -which seemed to spell hope, I made up my mind to move from the -obscure Quartier des Innocents to a part of Paris nearer to the -musical centre; and in this I was encouraged by Lehrs' foolhardy -advice. - -What this change meant to me, my readers will learn when they -hear under what circumstances we had dragged on our existence -during our stay in Paris. - -Although we were living in the cheapest possible way, dining at a -very small restaurant for a franc a head, it was impossible to -prevent the rest of our money from melting away. Our friend -Moller had given us to understand that we could ask him if we -were in need, as he would put aside for us the first money that -came in from any successful business transaction. There was no -alternative but to apply to him for money; in the meantime we -pawned all the trinkets we possessed that were of any value. As I -was too shy to make inquiries about a pawnshop, I looked up the -French equivalent in the dictionary in order to be able to -recognise such a place when I saw it. In my little pocket -dictionary I could not find any other word than 'Lombard.' On -looking at a map of Paris I found, situated in the middle of an -inextricable maze of streets, a very small lane called Rue des -Lombards. Thither I wended my way, but my expedition was -fruitless. Often, on reading by the light of the transparent -lanterns the inscription 'Mont de Piete,' I became very curious -to know its meaning, and on consulting my advisory board at home -about this 'Mount of Piety,' [Footnote: This is the correct -translation of the words Berg der Frommigkeit used in the -original.--Editor.] I was told, to my great delight, that it was -precisely there that I should find salvation. To this 'Mont de -Piete' we now carried all we possessed in the way of silver, -namely, our wedding presents. After that followed my wife's -trinkets and the rest of her former theatrical wardrobe, amongst -which was a beautiful silver-embroidered blue dress with a court -train, once the property of the Duchess of Dessau. Still we heard -nothing from our friend Moller, and we were obliged to wait on -from day to day for the sorely needed help from Konigsberg, and -at last, one dark day, we pledged our wedding rings. When all -hope of assistance seemed vain, I heard that the pawn-tickets -themselves were of some value, as they could be sold to buyers, -who thereby acquired the right to redeem the pawned articles. I -had to resort even to this, and thus the blue court-dress, for -instance, was lost for ever. Moller never wrote again. When later -on he called on me at the time of my conductorship in Dresden, he -admitted that he had been embittered against me owing to -humiliating and derogatory remarks we were said to have made -about him after we parted, and had resolved not to have anything -further to do with us. We were certain of our innocence in the -matter, and very grieved at having, through pure slander, lost -the chance of such assistance in our great need. - -At the beginning of our pecuniary difficulties we sustained a -loss which we looked upon as providential, in spite of the grief -it caused us. This was our beautiful dog, which we had managed to -bring across to Paris with endless difficulty. As he was a very -valuable animal, and attracted much attention, he had probably -been stolen. In spite of the terrible state of the traffic in -Paris, he had always found his way home in the same clever manner -in which he had mastered the difficulties of the London streets. -Quite at the beginning of our stay in Paris he had often gone off -by himself to the gardens of the Palais Royal, where he used to -meet many of his friends, and had returned safe and sound after a -brilliant exhibition of swimming and retrieving before an -audience of gutter children. At the Quai du Pont-neuf he -generally begged us to let him bathe; there he used to draw a -large crowd of spectators round him, who were so loud in their -enthusiasm about the way in which he dived for and brought to -land various objects of clothing, tools, etc., that the police -begged us to put an end to the obstruction. One morning I let him -out for a little run as usual; he never returned, and in spite of -our most strenuous efforts to recover him, no trace of him was to -be found. This loss seemed to many of our friends a piece of -luck, for they could not understand how it was possible for us to -feed such a huge animal when we ourselves had not enough to eat. -About this time, the second month of our stay in Paris, my sister -Louisa came over from Leipzig to join her husband, Friedrich -Brockhaus, in Paris, where he had been waiting for her for some -time. They intended to go to Italy together, and Louisa made use -of this opportunity to buy all kinds of expensive things in -Paris. I did not expect them to feel any pity for us on account -of our foolish removal to Paris, and its attendant miseries, or -that they should consider themselves bound to help us in any way; -but although we did not try to conceal our position, we derived -no benefit from the visit of our rich relations. Minna was even -kind enough to help my sister with her luxurious shopping, and we -were very anxious not to make them think we wanted to rouse their -pity. In return my sister introduced me to an extraordinary -friend of hers, who was destined to take a great interest in me. -This was the young painter, Ernst Kietz, from Dresden; he was an -exceptionally kind-hearted and unaffected young man, whose talent -for portrait painting (in a sort of coloured pastel style) had -made him such a favourite in his own town, that he had been -induced by his financial successes to come to Paris for a time to -finish his art studies. He had now been working in Delaroche's -studio for about a year. He had a curious and almost childlike -disposition, and his lack of all serious education, combined with -a certain weakness of character, had made him choose a career in -which he was destined, in spite of all his talent, to fail -hopelessly. I had every opportunity of recognising this, as I saw -a great deal of him. At the time, however, the simple-hearted -devotion and kindness of this young man were very welcome both to -myself and my wife, who often felt lonely, and his friendship was -a real source of help in our darkest hours of adversity. He -became almost a member of the family, and joined our home circle -every night, providing a strange contrast to nervous old Anders -and the grave-faced Lehrs. His good-nature and his quaint remarks -soon made him indispensable to us; he amused us tremendously with -his French, into which he would launch with the greatest -confidence, although he could not put together two consecutive -sentences properly, in spite of having lived in Paris for twenty -years. With Delaroche he studied oil-painting, and had obviously -considerable talent in this direction, although it was the very -rock on which he stranded. The mixing of the colours on his -palette, and especially the cleaning of his brushes, took up so -much of his time that he rarely came to the actual painting. As -the days were very short in midwinter, he never had time to do -any work after he had finished washing his palette and brushes, -and, as far as I can remember, he never completed a single -portrait. Strangers to whom he had been introduced, and who had -given him orders to paint their portraits, were obliged to leave -Paris without seeing them even half done, and at last he even -complained because some of his sitters died before their -portraits were completed. His landlord, to whom he was always in -debt for rent, was the only creature who succeeded in getting a -portrait of his ugly person from the painter, and, as far as I -know, this is the only finished portrait in existence by Kietz. -On the other hand, he was very clever at making little sketches -of any subject suggested by our conversation during the evening, -and in these he displayed both originality and delicacy of -execution. During the winter of that year he completed a good -pencil portrait of me, which he touched up two years afterwards -when he knew me more intimately, finishing it off as it now -stands. It pleased him to sketch me in the attitude I often -assumed during our evening chats when I was in a cheerful mood. -No evening ever passed during which I did not succeed in shaking -off the depression caused by my vain endeavours, and by the many -worries I had gone through during the day, and in regaining my -natural cheerfulness, and Kietz was anxious to represent me to -the world as a man who, in spite of the hard times he had to -face, had confidence in his success, and rose smiling above the -troubles of life. Before the end of the year 1839, my youngest -sister Cecilia also arrived in Paris with her husband, Edward -Avenarius. It was only natural that she should feel embarrassed -at the idea of meeting us in Paris in our extremely straitened -circumstances, especially as her husband was not very well off. -Consequently, instead of calling on them frequently, we preferred -waiting until they came to see us, which, by the way, took them a -long time. On the other hand, the renewal of our acquaintance -with Heinrich Laube, who came over to Paris at the beginning of -1840 with his young wife, Iduna (nee Budaus), was very cheering. -She was the widow of a wealthy Leipzig doctor, and Laube had -married her under very extraordinary circumstances, since we last -saw him in Berlin; they intended to enjoy themselves for a few -months in Paris. During the long period of his detention, while -awaiting his trial, this young lady had been so touched by his -misfortunes that without knowing much of him, she had shown great -sympathy and interest in his case. Laube's sentence was -pronounced soon after I left Berlin; it was unexpectedly light, -consisting of only one year's imprisonment in the town gaol. He -was allowed to undergo this term in the prison at Muskau in -Silesia, where he had the advantage of being near his friend, -Prince Puckler, who in his official capacity, and on account of -his influence with the governor of the prison, was permitted to -afford the prisoner even the consolation of personal intercourse. - -The young widow resolved to marry him at the beginning of his -term of imprisonment, so that she might be near him at Muskau -with her loving assistance. To see my old friend under such -favourable conditions was in itself a pleasure to me; I also -experienced the liveliest satisfaction at finding there was no -change in his former sympathetic attitude. We met frequently; our -wives also became friends, and Laube was the first to approve in -his kindly humorous way of our folly in moving to Paris. - -In his house I made the acquaintance of Heinrich Heine, and both -of them joked good-humouredly over my extraordinary position, -making even me laugh. Laube felt himself compelled to talk -seriously to me about my expectations of succeeding in Paris, as -he saw that I treated my situation, based on such trivial hopes, -with a humour that charmed him even against his better judgment. -He tried to think how he could help me without prejudicing my -future. With this object he wanted me to make a more or less -plausible sketch of my future plans, so that on his approaching -visit to our native land he might procure some help for me. I -happened just at that time to have come to an exceedingly -promising understanding with the management of the Theatre de la -Renaissance. I thus seemed to have obtained a footing, and I -thought it safe to assert, that if I were guaranteed the means of -livelihood for six months, I could not fail within that period to -accomplish something. Laube promised to make this provision, and -kept his word. He induced one of his wealthy friends in Leipzig, -and, following this example, my well-to-do relations, to provide -me for six months with the necessary resources, to be paid in -monthly instalments through Avenarius. - -We therefore decided, as I have said, to leave our furnished -apartments and take a flat for ourselves in the Rue du Helder. My -prudent, careful wife had suffered greatly on account of the -careless and uncertain manner in which I had hitherto -controlled our meagre resources, and in now undertaking the -responsibility, she explained that she understood how to keep -house more cheaply than we could do by living in furnished rooms -and restaurants. Success justified the step; the serious part of -the question lay in the fact that we had to start housekeeping -without any furniture of our own, and everything necessary for -domestic purposes had to be procured, though we had not the -wherewithal to get it. In this matter Lehrs, who was well versed -in the peculiarities of Parisian life, was able to advise us. In -his opinion the only compensation for the experiences we had -undergone hitherto would be a success equivalent to my daring. As -I did not possess the resources to allow of long years of patient -waiting for success in Paris, I must either count on -extraordinary luck or renounce all my hopes forthwith. The -longed-for success must come within a year, or I should be -ruined. Therefore I must dare all, as befitted my name, for in my -case he was not inclined to derive 'Wagner' [Footnote: 'Wagner' -in German means one who dares, also a Wagoner; and 'Fuhrwerk' -means a carriage.--Editor.] from Fuhrwerk. I was to pay my rent, -twelve hundred francs, in quarterly instalments; for the -furniture and fittings, he recommended me, through his landlady, -to a carpenter who provided everything that was necessary for -what seemed to be a reasonable sum, also to be paid by -instalments, all of which appeared very simple. Lehrs maintained -that I should do no good in Paris unless I showed the world that -I had confidence in myself. My trial audience was impending; I -felt sure of the Theatre de la Renaissance, and Dumersan was -keenly anxious to make a complete translation of my Liebesverbot -into French. So we decided to run the risk. On 15th April, to the -astonishment of the concierge of the house in the Rue du Helder, -we moved with an exceedingly small amount of luggage into our -comfortable new apartments. - -The very first visit I received in the rooms I had taken with -such high hopes was from Anders, who came with the tidings that -the Theatre de la Renaissance had just gone bankrupt, and was -closed. This news, which came on me like a thunder-clap, seemed -to portend more than an ordinary stroke of bad luck; it revealed -to me like a flash of lightning the absolute emptiness of my -prospects. My friends openly expressed the opinion that -Meyerbeer, in sending me from the Grand Opera to this theatre, -probably knew the whole of the circumstances. I did not pursue -the line of thought to which this supposition might lead, as I -felt cause enough for bitterness when I wondered what I should do -with the rooms in which I was so nicely installed. - -As my singers had now practised the portions of Liebesverbot -intended for the trial audience, I was anxious at least to have -them performed before some persons of influence. M. Edouard -Monnaie, who had been appointed temporary director of the Grand -Opera after Duponchel's retirement, was the less disposed to -refuse as the singers who were to take part belonged to the -institution over which he presided; moreover, there was no -obligation attached to his presence at the audience. I also took -the trouble to call on Scribe to invite him to attend, and he -accepted with the kindest alacrity. At last my three pieces were -performed before these two gentlemen in the green room of the -Grand Opera, and I played the piano accompaniment. They -pronounced the music charming, and Scribe expressed his -willingness to arrange the libretto for me as soon as the -managers of the opera had decided on accepting the piece; all -that M. Monnaie had to reply to this offer was that it was -impossible for them to do so at present. I did not fail to -realise that these were only polite expressions; but at all -events I thought it very nice of them, and particularly -condescending of Scribe to have got so far as to think me -deserving of a little politeness. - -But in my heart of hearts I felt really ashamed of having gone -back again seriously to that superficial early work from which I -had taken these three pieces. Of course I had only done this -because I thought I should win success more rapidly in Paris by -adapting myself to its frivolous taste. My aversion from this -kind of taste, which had been long growing, coincided with my -abandonment of all hopes of success in Paris. I was placed in an -exceedingly melancholy situation by the fact that my -circumstances had so shaped themselves that I dared not express -this important change in my feelings to any one, especially to my -poor wife. But if I continued to make the best of a bad bargain, -I had no longer any illusions as to the possibility of success in -Paris. Face to face with unheard-of misery, I shuddered at the -smiling aspect which Paris presented in the bright sunshine of -May. It was the beginning of the slack season for any sort of -artistic enterprise in Paris, and from every door at which I -knocked with feigned hope I was turned away with the wretchedly -monotonous phrase, Monsieur est a la campagne. - -On our long walks, when we felt ourselves absolute strangers in -the midst of the gay throng, I used to romance to my wife about -the South American Free States, far away from all this sinister -life, where opera and music were unknown, and the foundations of -a sensible livelihood could easily be secured by industry. I told -Minna, who was quite in the dark as to my meaning, of a book I -had just read, Zschokke's Die Grundung von Maryland, in which I -found a very seductive account of the sensation of relief -experienced by the European settlers after their former -sufferings and persecutions. She, being of a more practical turn -of mind, used to point out to me the necessity of procuring means -for our continued existence in Paris, for which she had thought -out all sorts of economies. - -I, for my part, was sketching out the plan of the poem of my -Fliegender Hollander, which I kept steadily before me as a -possible means of making a debut in Paris. I put together the -material for a single act, influenced by the consideration that I -could in this way confine it to the simple dramatic developments -between the principal characters, without troubling about the -tiresome operatic accessories. From a practical point of view, I -thought I could rely on a better prospect for the acceptance of -my proposed work if it were cast in the form of a one-act opera, -such as was frequently given as a curtain raiser before a ballet -at the Grand Opera. I wrote about it to Meyerbeer in Berlin, -asking for his help. I also resumed the composition of Rienzi, to -the completion of which I was now giving my constant attention. - -In the meantime our position became more and more gloomy; I was -soon compelled to draw in advance on the subsidies obtained by -Laube, but in so doing I gradually alienated the sympathy of my -brother-in-law Avenarius, to whom our stay in Paris was -incomprehensible. - -One morning, when we had been anxiously consulting as to the -possibility of raising our first quarter's rent, a carrier -appeared with a parcel addressed to me from London; I thought it -was an intervention of Providence, and broke open the seal. At -the same moment a receipt-book was thrust into my face for -signature, in which I at once saw that I had to pay seven francs -for carriage. I recognised, moreover, that the parcel contained -my overture Rule Britannia, returned to me from the London -Philharmonic Society. In my fury I told the bearer that I would -not take in the parcel, whereupon he remonstrated in the -liveliest fashion, as I had already opened it. It was no use; I -did not possess seven francs, and I told him he should have -presented the bill for the carriage before I had opened the -parcel. So I made him return the only copy of my overture to -Messrs. Laffitte and Gaillard's firm, to do what they liked with -it, and I never cared to inquire what became of that manuscript. - -Suddenly Kietz devised a way out of these troubles. He had been -commissioned by an old lady of Leipzig, called Fraulein Leplay, a -rich and very miserly old maid, to find a cheap lodging in Paris -for her and for his stepmother, with whom she intended to travel. -As our apartment, though not spacious, was larger than we -actually needed, and had very quickly become a troublesome burden -to us, we did not hesitate for a moment to let the larger portion -of it to her for the time of her stay in Paris, which was to last -about two months. In addition, my wife provided the guests with -breakfast, as though they were in furnished apartments, and took -a great pride in looking at the few pence she earned in this way. -Although we found this amazing example of old-maidishness trying -enough, the arrangement we had made helped us in some degree to -tide over the anxious time, and I was able, in spite of this -disorganisation of our household arrangements, to continue -working in comparative peace at my Rienzi. - -This became more difficult after Fraulein Leplay's departure, -when we let one of our rooms to a German commercial traveller, -who in his leisure hours zealously played the flute. His name was -Brix; he was a modest, decent fellow, and had been recommended to -us by Pecht the painter, whose acquaintance we had recently made. -He had been introduced to us by Kietz, who studied with him in -Delaroche's studio. He was the very antithesis of Kietz in every -way, and obviously endowed with less talent, yet he grappled with -the task of acquiring the art of oil-painting in the shortest -possible time under difficult circumstances with an industry and -earnestness quite out of the common. He was, moreover, well -educated, and eagerly assimilated information, and was very -straightforward, earnest, and trustworthy. Without attaining to -the same degree of intimacy with us as our three older friends, -he was, nevertheless, one of the few who continued to stand by us -in our troubles, and habitually spent nearly every evening in our -company. - -One day I received a fresh surprising proof of Laube's continued -solicitude on our behalf. The secretary of a certain Count -Kuscelew called on us, and after some inquiry into our affairs, -the state of which he had heard from Laube at Karlsbad, informed -us in a brief and friendly way that his patron wished to be of -use to us, and with that object in view desired to make my -acquaintance. In fact, he proposed to engage a small light opera -company in Paris, which was to follow him to his Russian estates. -He was therefore looking for a musical director of sufficient -experience to assist in recruiting the members in Paris. I gladly -went to the hotel where the count was staying, and there found an -elderly gentleman of frank and agreeable bearing, who willingly -listened to my little French compositions. Being a shrewd reader -of human nature, he saw at a glance that I was not the man for -him, and though he showed me the most polite attention, he went -no further into the opera scheme. But that very day he sent me, -accompanied by a friendly note, ten golden napoleons, in payment -for my services. What these services were I did not know. I -thereupon wrote to him, and asked for more precise details of his -wishes, and begged him to commission a composition, the fee for -which I presumed he had sent in advance. As I received no reply, -I made more than one effort to approach him again, but in vain. -From other sources I afterwards learned that the only kind of -opera Count Kuscelew recognised was Adam's. As for the operatic -company to be engaged to suit his taste, what he really wanted -was more a small harem than a company of artists. - -So far I had not been able to arrange anything with the music -publisher Schlesinger. It was impossible to persuade him to -publish my little French songs. In order to do something, -however, towards making myself known in this direction, I decided -to have my Two Grenadiers engraved by him at my own expense. -Kietz was to lithograph a magnificent title-page for it. -Schlesinger ended by charging me fifty francs for the cost of -production. The story of this publication is curious from -beginning to end; the work bore Schlesinger's name, and as I had -defrayed all expenses, the proceeds were, of course, to be placed -to my account. I had afterwards to take the publisher's word for -it that not a single copy had been sold. Subsequently, when I had -made a quick reputation for myself in Dresden through my Rienzi, -Schott the publisher in Mainz, who dealt almost exclusively in -works translated from the French, thought it advisable to bring -out a German edition of the Two Grenadiers. Below the text of the -French translation he had the German original by Heine printed; -but as the French poem was a very free paraphrase, in quite a -different metre to the original, Heine's words fitted my -composition so badly that I was furious at the insult to my work, -and thought it necessary to protest against Schott's publication -as an entirely unauthorised reprint. Schott then threatened me -with an action for libel, as he said that, according to his -agreement, his edition was not a reprint (Nachdruck), but a -reimpression (Abdruck). In order to be spared further annoyance, -I was induced to send him an apology in deference to the -distinction he had drawn, which I did not understand. - -In 1848, when I made inquiries of Schlesinger's successor in -Paris (M. Brandus) as to the fate of my little work, I learned -from him that a new edition had been published, but he declined -to entertain any question of rights on my part. Since I did not -care to buy a copy with my own money, I have to this day had to -do without my own property. To what extent, in later years, -others profited by similar transactions relating to the -publication of my works, will appear in due course. - -For the moment the point was to compensate Schlesinger for the -fifty francs agreed upon, and he proposed that I should do this -by writing articles for his Gazette Musicale. - -As I was not expert enough in the French language for literary -purposes, my article had to be translated and half the fee had to -go to the translator. However, I consoled myself by thinking I -should still receive sixty francs per sheet for the work. I was -soon to learn, when I presented myself to the angry publisher for -payment, what was meant by a sheet. It was measured by an -abominable iron instrument, on which the lines of the columns -were marked off with figures; this was applied to the article, -and after careful subtraction of the spaces left for the title -and signature, the lines were added up. After this process had -been gone through, it appeared that what I had taken for a sheet -was only half a sheet. - -So far so good. I began to write articles for Schlesinger's -wonderful paper. The first was a long essay, De la musique -allemande, in which I expressed with the enthusiastic -exaggeration characteristic of me at that time my appreciation of -the sincerity and earnestness of German music. This article led -my friend Anders to remark that the state of affairs in Germany -must, indeed, be splendid if the conditions were really as I -described. I enjoyed what was to me the surprising satisfaction -of seeing this article subsequently reproduced in Italian, in a -Milan musical journal, where, to my amusement, I saw myself -described as Dottissimo Musico Tedesco, a mistake which nowadays -would be impossible. My essay attracted favourable comment, and -Schlesinger asked me to write an article in praise of the -arrangement made by the Russian General Lwoff of Pergolesi's -Stabat Mater, which I did as superficially as possible. On my own -impulse I then wrote an essay in a still more amiable vein called -Du metier du virtuose et de l'independance de la composition. - -In the meantime I was surprised in the middle of the summer by -the arrival of Meyerbeer, who happened to come to Paris for a -fortnight. He was very sympathetic and obliging. When I told him -my idea of writing a one-act opera as a curtain raiser, and asked -him to give me an introduction to M. Leon Pillet, the recently -appointed manager of the Grand Opera, he at once took me to see -him, and presented me to him. But alas, I had the unpleasant -surprise of learning from the serious conversation which took -place between those two gentlemen as to my future, that Meyerbeer -thought I had better decide to compose an act for the ballet in -collaboration with another musician. Of course I could not -entertain such an idea for a moment. I succeeded, however, in -handing over to M. Pillet my brief sketch of the subject of the -Flying Dutchman.. - -Things had reached this point when Meyerbeer again left Paris, -this time for a longer period of absence. - -As I did not hear from M. Pillet for quite a long time, I now -began to work diligently at my composition of Rienzi, though, to -my great distress, I had often to interrupt this task in order to -undertake certain pot-boiling hack-work for Schlesinger. - -As my contributions to the Gazette Musicale proved so -unremunerative, Schlesinger one day ordered me to work out a -method for the Cornet a pistons. When I told him about my -embarrassment, in not knowing how to deal with the subject, he -replied by sending me five different published 'Methods' for the -Cornet a pistons, at that time the favourite amateur instrument -among the younger male population of Paris. I had merely to -devise a new sixth method out of these five, as all Schlesinger -wanted was to publish an edition of his own. I was racking my -brains how to start, when Schlesinger, who had just obtained a -new complete method, released me from the onerous task. I was, -however, told to write fourteen 'Suites' for the Cornet a -pistons--that is to say, airs out of operas arranged for this -instrument. To furnish me with material for this work, -Schlesinger sent me no less than sixty complete operas arranged -for the piano. I looked them through for suitable airs for my -'Suites,' marked the pages in the volumes with paper strips, and -arranged them into a curious-looking structure round my work- -table, so that I might have the greatest possible variety of the -melodious material within my reach. When I was in the midst of -this work, however, to my great relief and to my poor wife's -consternation, Schlesinger told me that M. Schlitz, the first -cornet player in Paris, who had looked my 'Etudes' through, -preparatory to their being engraved, had declared that I knew -absolutely nothing about the instrument, and had generally -adopted keys that were too high, which Parisians would never be -able to use. The part of the work I had already done was, -however, accepted, Schlitz having agreed to correct it, but on -condition that I should share my fee with him. The remainder of -the work was then taken off my hands, and the sixty pianoforte -arrangements went back to the curious shop in the Rue Richelieu. - -So my exchequer was again in a sorry plight. The distressing -poverty of my home grew more apparent every day, and yet I was -now free to give a last touch to Rienzi, and by the 19th of -November I had completed this most voluminous of all my operas. I -had decided, some time previously, to offer the first production -of this work to the Court Theatre at Dresden, so that, in the -event of its being a success, I might thus resume my connection -with Germany. I had decided upon Dresden as I knew that there I -should have in Tichatschek the most suitable tenor for the -leading part. I also reckoned on my acquaintance with Schroder- -Devrient, who had always been nice to me and who, though her -efforts were ineffectual, had been at great pains, out of regard -for my family, to get my Feen introduced at the Court Theatre, -Dresden. In the secretary of the theatre, Hofrat Winkler (known -as Theodor Hell), I also had an old friend of my family, besides -which I had been introduced to the conductor, Reissiger, with -whom I and my friend Apel had spent a pleasant evening on the -occasion of our excursion to Bohemia in earlier days. To all -these people I now addressed most respectful and eloquent -appeals, wrote out an official note to the director, Herr von -Luttichau, as well as a formal petition to the King of Saxony, -and had everything ready to send off. - -Meantime, I had not omitted to indicate the exact tempi in my -opera by means of a metronome. As I did not possess such a thing, -I had to borrow one, and one morning I went out to restore the -instrument to its owner, carrying it under my thin overcoat. The -day when this occurred was one of the strangest in my life, as it -showed in a really horrible way the whole misery of my position -at that time. In addition to the fact that I did not know where -to look for the few francs wherewith Minna was to provide for our -scanty household requirements, some of the bills which, in -accordance with the custom in Paris in those days, I had signed -for the purpose of fitting up our apartments, had fallen due. -Hoping to get help from one source or another, I first tried to -get those bills prolonged by the holders. As such documents pass -through many hands, I had to call on all the holders across the -length and breadth of the city. That day I was to propitiate a -cheese-monger who occupied a fifth-floor apartment in the Cite. I -also intended to ask for help from Heinrich, the brother of my -brother-in-law, Brockhaus, as he was then in Paris; and I was -going to call at Schlesinger's to raise the money to pay for the -despatch of my score that day by the usual mail service. - -As I had also to deliver the metronome, I left Minna early in the -morning after a sad good-bye. She knew from experience that as I -was on a money-raising expedition, she would not see me back till -late at night. The streets were enveloped in a dense fog, and the -first thing I recognised on leaving the house was my dog Robber, -who had been stolen from us a year before. At first I thought it -was a ghost, but I called out to him sharply in a shrill voice. -The animal seemed to recognise me, and approached me cautiously, -but my sudden movement towards him with outstretched arms seemed -only to revive memories of the few chastisements I had foolishly -inflicted on him during the latter part of our association, and -this memory prevailed over all others. He drew timidly away from -me and, as I followed him with some eagerness, he ran, only to -accelerate his speed when he found he was being pursued. I became -more and more convinced that he had recognised me, because he -always looked back anxiously when he reached a corner; but seeing -that I was hunting him like a maniac, he started off again each -time with renewed energy. Thus I followed him through a labyrinth -of streets, hardly distinguishable in the thick mist, until I -eventually lost sight of him altogether, never to see him again. -It was near the church of St. Roch, and I, wet with perspiration -and quite breathless, was still bearing the metronome. For a -while I stood motionless, glaring into the mist, and wondered -what the ghostly reappearance of the companion of my travelling -adventures on this day might portend! The fact that he had fled -from his old master with the terror of a wild beast filled my -heart with a strange bitterness and seemed to me a horrible omen. -Sadly shaken, I set out again, with trembling limbs, upon my -weary errand. - -Heinrich Brockhaus told me he could not help me, and I left him. -I was sorely ashamed, but made a strong effort to conceal the -painfulness of my situation. My other undertakings turned out -equally hopeless, and after having been kept waiting for hours at -Schlesinger's, listening to my employer's very trivial -conversations with his callers--conversations which he seemed -purposely to protract--I reappeared under the windows of my home -long after dark, utterly unsuccessful. I saw Minna looking -anxiously from one of the windows. Half expecting my misfortune -she had, in the meantime, succeeded in borrowing a small sum of -our lodger and boarder, Brix, the flute-player, whom we tolerated -patiently, though at some inconvenience to ourselves, as he was a -good-natured fellow. So she was able to offer me at least a -comfortable meal. Further help was to come to me subsequently, -though at the cost of great sacrifices on my part, owing to the -success of one of Donizetti's operas, La Favorita, a very poor -work of the Italian maestro's, but welcomed with great enthusiasm -by the Parisian public, already so much degenerated. This opera, -the success of which was due mainly to two lively little songs, -had been acquired by Schlesinger, who had lost heavily over -Halevy's last operas. - -Taking advantage of my helpless situation, of which he was well -aware, he rushed into our rooms one morning, beaming all over -with amusing good-humour, called for pen and ink, and began to -work out a calculation of the enormous fees which he had arranged -for me! He put down: 'La Favorita, complete arrangement for -pianoforte, arrangement without words, for solo; ditto, for duet; -complete arrangement for quartette; the same for two violins; -ditto for a Cornet a piston. Total fee, frcs. 1100. Immediate -advance in cash, frcs. 500.' I could see at a glance what an -enormous amount of trouble this work would involve, but I did not -hesitate a moment to undertake it. - -Curiously enough, when I brought home these five hundred francs -in hard shining five-franc pieces, and piled them up on the table -for our edification, my sister Cecilia Avenarius happened to drop -in to see us. The sight of this abundance of wealth seemed to -produce a good effect on her, as she had hitherto been rather -chary of coming to see us; and after that we used to see rather -more of her, and were often invited to dine with them on Sundays. -But I no longer cared for any amusements. I was so deeply -impressed by my past experiences that I made up my mind to work -through this humiliating, albeit profitable task, with untiring -energy, as though it were a penance imposed on me for the -expiation of my bygone sins. To save fuel, we limited ourselves -to the use of the bedroom, making it serve as a drawing-room, -dining-room, and study, as well as dormitory. It was only a step -from my bed to my work-table; to be seated at the dining-table, -all I had to do was to turn my chair round, and I left my seat -altogether only late at night when I wanted to go to bed again. -Every fourth day I allowed myself a short constitutional. This -penitential process lasted almost all through the winter, and -sowed the seeds of those gastric disorders which were to be more -or less of a trouble to me for the rest of my life. - -In return for the minute and almost interminable work of -correcting the score of Donizetti's opera, I managed to get three -hundred francs from Schlesinger, as he could not get any one else -to do it. Besides this, I had to find the time to copy out the -orchestra parts of my overture to Faust, which I was still hoping -to hear at the Conservatoire; and by the way of counteracting the -depression produced by this humiliating occupation, I wrote a -short story, Eine Pilgerfahrt zu Beethoven (A Pilgrimage to -Beethoven), which appeared in the Gazette Musicale, under the -title Une Visite a Beethoven. Schlesinger told me candidly that -this little work had created quite a sensation, and had been -received with very marked approval; and, indeed, it was actually -reproduced, either complete or in parts, in a good many fireside -journals. - -He persuaded me to write some more of the same kind; and in a -sequel entitled Das Ende eines Musikers in Paris (Un Musicien -etranger a Paris) I avenged myself for all the misfortunes I had -had to endure. Schlesinger was not quite so pleased with this as -with my first effort, but it received touching signs of approval -from his poor assistant; while Heinrich Heine praised it by -saying that 'Hoffmann would have been incapable of writing such a -thing.' Even Berlioz was touched by it, and spoke of the story -very favourably in one of his articles in the Journal des Debats. -He also gave me signs of his sympathy, though only during a -conversation, after the appearance of another of my musical -articles entitled Ueber die Ouverture (Concerning Overtures), -mainly because I had illustrated my principle by pointing to -Gluck's overture to Iphigenia in Aulis as a model for -compositions of this class. - -Encouraged by these signs of sympathy, I felt anxious to become -more intimately acquainted with Berlioz. I had been introduced to -him some time previously at Schlesinger's office, where we used -to meet occasionally. I had presented him with a copy of my Two -Grenadiers, but could, however, never learn any more from him -concerning what he really thought of it than the fact that as he -could only strum a little on the guitar, he was unable to play -the music of my composition to himself on the piano. During the -previous winter I had often heard his grand instrumental pieces -played under his own direction, and had been most favourably -impressed by them. During that winter (1839-40) he conducted -three performances of his new symphony, Romeo and Juliet, at one -of which I was present. - -All this, to be sure, was quite a new world to me, and I was -desirous of gaining some unprejudiced knowledge of it. At first -the grandeur and masterly execution of the orchestral part almost -overwhelmed me. It was beyond anything I could have conceived. -The fantastic daring, the sharp precision with which the boldest -combinations--almost tangible in their clearness--impressed me, -drove back my own ideas of the poetry of music with brutal -violence into the very depths of my soul. I was simply all ears -for things of which till then I had never dreamt, and which I -felt I must try to realise. True, I found a great deal that was -empty and shallow in his Romeo and Juliet, a work that lost much -by its length and form of combination; and this was the more -painful to me seeing that, on the other hand, I felt overpowered -by many really bewitching passages which quite overcame any -objections on my part. - -During the same winter Berlioz produced his Sinfonie Fantastique -and his Harald ('Harold en Italie'). I was also much impressed by -these works; the musical genre-pictures woven into the first- -named symphony were particularly pleasing, while Harald delighted -me in almost every respect.. - -It was, however, the latest work of this wonderful master, his -Trauer-Symphonie fur die Opfer der Juli-Revolution (Grande -Symphonie Funebre et Triomphale), most skilfully composed for -massed military bands during the summer of 1840 for the -anniversary of the obsequies of the July heroes, and conducted by -him under the column of the Place de la Bastille, which had at -last thoroughly convinced me of the greatness and enterprise of -this incomparable artist. But while admiring this genius, -absolutely unique in his methods, I could never quite shake off a -certain peculiar feeling of anxiety. His works left me with a -sensation as of something strange, something with which I felt I -should never be able to be familiar, and I was often puzzled at -the strange fact that, though ravished by his compositions, I was -at the same time repelled and even wearied by them. It was only -much later that I succeeded in clearly grasping and solving this -problem, which for years exercised such a painful spell over me. - -It is a fact that at that time I felt almost like a little -school-boy by the side of Berlioz. Consequently I was really -embarrassed when Schlesinger, determined to make good use of the -success of my short story, told me he was anxious to produce some -of my orchestral compositions at a concert arranged by the editor -of the Gazette Musicale. I realised that none of my available -works would in any way be suitable for such an occasion. I was -not quite confident as to my Faust Overture because of its -zephyr-like ending, which I presumed could only be appreciated by -an audience already familiar with my methods. When, moreover, I -learned that I should have only a second-rate orchestra--the -Valentino from the Casino, Rue St. Honore--and, moreover, that -there could be only one rehearsal, my only alternative lay -between declining altogether, or making another trial with my -Columbus Overture, the work composed in my early days at -Magdeburg. I adopted the latter course. - -When I went to fetch the score of this composition from -Ilabeneck, who had it stored among the archives of the -Conservatoire, he warned me somewhat dryly, though not without -kindness, of the danger of presenting this work to the Parisian -public, as, to use his own words, it was too 'vague.' One great -objection was the difficulty of finding capable musicians for the -six cornets required, as the music for this instrument, so -skilfully played in Germany, could hardly, if ever, be -satisfactorily executed in Paris. Herr Schlitz, the corrector of -my 'Suites' for Cornet a piston, offered his assistance. I was -compelled to reduce my six cornets to four, and he told me that -only two of these could be relied on. - -As a matter of fact, the attempts made at the rehearsal to -produce those very passages on which the effect of my work -chiefly depended were very discouraging. Not once were the soft -high notes played but they were flat or altogether wrong. In -addition to this, as I was not going to be allowed to conduct the -work myself, I had to rely upon a conductor who, as I was well -aware, had fully convinced himself that my composition was the -most utter rubbish--an opinion that seemed to be shared by the -whole orchestra. Berlioz, who was present at the rehearsal, -remained silent throughout. He gave me no encouragement, though -he did not dissuade me. He merely said afterwards, with a weary -smile, 'that it was very difficult to get on in Paris.' - -On the night of the performance (4th February 1841) the audience, -which was largely composed of subscribers to the Gazette -Musicale, and to whom, therefore, my literary successes were not -unknown, seemed rather favourably disposed towards me. I was told -later on that my overture, however wearisome it had been, would -certainly have been applauded if those unfortunate cornet -players, by continually failing to produce the effective -passages, had not excited the public almost to the point of -hostility; for Parisians, for the most part, care only for the -skilful parts of performances, as, for instance, for the -faultless production of difficult tones. I was clearly conscious -of my complete failure. After this misfortune Paris no longer -existed for me, and all I had to do was to go back to my -miserable bedroom and resume my work of arranging Donizetti's -operas. - -So great was my renunciation of the world that, like a penitent, -I no longer shaved, and to my wife's annoyance, for the first and -only time in my life allowed my beard to grow quite long. I tried -to bear everything patiently, and the only thing that threatened -really to drive me to despair was a pianist in the room adjoining -ours who during the livelong day practised Liszt's fantasy on -Lucia di Lammermoor. I had to put a stop to this torture, so, to -give him an idea of what he made us endure, one day I moved our -own piano, which was terribly out of tune, close up to the party -wall. Then Brix with his piccolo-flute played the piano-and- -violin (or flute) arrangement of the Favorita Overture I had just -completed, while I accompanied him on the piano. The effect on -our neighbour, a young piano-teacher, must have been appalling. -The concierge told me the next day that the poor fellow was -leaving, and, after all, I felt rather sorry. - -The wife of our concierge had entered into a sort of arrangement -with us. At first we had occasionally availed ourselves of her -services, especially in the kitchen, also for brushing clothes, -cleaning boots, and so on; but even the slight outlay that this -involved was eventually too heavy for us, and after having -dispensed with her services, Minna had to suffer the humiliation -of doing the whole work of the household, even the most menial -part of it, herself. As we did not like to mention this to Brix, -Minna was obliged, not only to do all the cooking and washing up, -but even to clean our lodger's boots as well. What we felt most, -however, was the thought of what the concierge and his wife would -think of us; but we were mistaken, for they only respected us the -more, though of course we could not avoid a little familiarity at -times, Now and then, therefore, the man would have a chat with me -on politics. When the Quadruple Alliance against France had been -concluded, and the situation under Thiers' ministry was regarded -as very critical, my concierge tried to reassure me one day by -saying: 'Monsieur, il y a quatre hommes en Europe qui -s'appellent: le roi Louis Philippe, l'empereur d'Autriche, -l'empereur de Russie, le roi de Prusse; eh bien, ces quatre sont -des c...; et nous n'aurons pas la guerre.' - -Of an evening I very seldom lacked entertainment; but the few -faithful friends who came to see me had to put up with my going -on scribbling music till late in the night. Once they prepared a -touching surprise for me in the form of a little party which they -arranged for New Year's Eve (1840). Lehrs arrived at dusk, rang -the bell, and brought a leg of veal; Kietz brought some rum, -sugar, and a lemon; Pecht supplied a goose; and Anders two -bottles of the champagne with which he had been presented by a -musical instrument-maker in return for a flattering article he -had written about his pianos. Bottles from that stock were -produced only on very great occasions. I soon threw the -confounded Favorita aside, therefore, and entered -enthusiastically into the fun. - -We all had to assist in the preparations, to light the fire in -the salon, give a hand to my wife in the kitchen, and get what -was wanted from the grocer. The supper developed into a -dithyrambic orgy. When the champagne was drunk, and the punch -began to produce its effects, I delivered a fiery speech which so -provoked the hilarity of the company that it seemed as though it -would never end. I became so excited that I first mounted a -chair, and then, by way of heightening the effect, at last stood -on the table, thence to preach the maddest gospel of the contempt -of life together with a eulogy on the South American Free States. -My charmed listeners eventually broke into such fits of sobs and -laughter, and were so overcome, that we had to give them all -shelter for the night--their condition making it impossible for -them to reach their own homes in safety. On New Year's Day (1841) -I was again busy with my Favorita. - -I remember another similar though far less boisterous feast, on -the occasion of a visit paid us by the famous violinist Vieux- -temps, an old schoolfellow of Kietz's. We had the great pleasure -of hearing the young virtuoso, who was then greatly feted in -Paris, play to us charmingly for a whole evening--a performance -which lent my little salon an unusual touch of 'fashion.' Kietz -rewarded him for his kindness by carrying him on his shoulders to -his hotel close by. - -We were hard hit in the early part of this year by a mistake I -made owing to my ignorance of Paris customs. It seemed to us -quite a matter of course that we should wait until the proper -quarter-day to give notice to our landlady. So I called on the -proprietress of the house, a rich young widow living in one of -her own houses in the Marias quarter. She received me, but seemed -much embarrassed, and said she would speak to her agent about the -matter, and eventually referred me to him. The next day I was -informed by letter that my notice would have been valid had it -been given two days earlier. By this omission I had rendered -myself liable, according to the agreement, for another year's -rent. Horrified by this news, I went to see the agent himself, -and after having been kept waiting for a long time--as a matter -of fact they would not let me in at all--I found an elderly -gentleman, apparently crippled by some very painful malady, lying -motionless before me. I frankly told him my position, and begged -him most earnestly to release me from my agreement, but I was -merely told that the fault was mine, and not his, that I had -given notice a day too late, and consequently that I must find -the rent for the next year. My concierge, to whom, with some -emotion, I related the story of this occurrence, tried to soothe -me by saying: 'J'aurais pu vous dire cela, car voyez, monsieur, -cet homme ne vaut pas l'eau qu'il boit.' - -This entirely unforeseen misfortune destroyed our last hopes of -getting out of our disastrous position. We consoled ourselves for -awhile with the hope of finding another lodger, but the fates -were once more against us. Easter came, the new term began, and -our prospects were as hopeless as ever. At last our concierge -recommended us to a family who were willing to take the whole of -our apartment, furniture included, off our hands for a few -months. We gladly accepted this offer; for, at any rate, it -ensured the payment of the rent for the ensuing quarter. We -thought if only we could get away from this unfortunate place we -should find some way of getting rid of it altogether. We -therefore decided to find a cheap summer residence for ourselves -in the outskirts of Paris. - -Meudon had been mentioned to us as an inexpensive summer resort, -and we selected an apartment in the avenue which joins Meudon to -the neighbouring village of Bellevue. We left full authority with -our concierge as to our rooms in Rue du Helder, and settled down -in our new temporary abode as well as we could. Old Brix, the -good-natured flutist, had to stay with us again, for, owing to -the fact that his usual receipts had been delayed, he would have -been in great straits had we refused to give him shelter. The -removal of our scanty possessions took place on the 29th of -April, and was, after all, no more than a flight from the -impossible into the unknown, for how we were going to live during -the following summer we had not the faintest idea. Schlesinger -had no work for me, and no other sources were available. - -The only help we could hope for seemed to lie in journalistic -work which, though rather unremunerative, had indeed given me the -opportunity of making a little success. During the previous -winter I had written a long article on Weber's Freischutz for the -Gazette Musicale. This was intended to prepare the way for the -forthcoming first performance of this opera, after recitatives -from the pen of Berlioz had been added to it. The latter was -apparently far from pleased at my article. In the article I could -not help referring to Berlioz's absurd idea of polishing up this -old-fashioned musical work by adding ingredients that spoiled its -original characteristics, merely in order to give it an -appearance suited to the luxurious repertoire of Opera House. The -fact that the result fully justified my forecasts did not in the -least tend to diminish the ill-feeling I had roused among all -those concerned in the production; but I had the satisfaction of -hearing that the famous George Sand had noticed my article. She -commenced the introduction to a legendary story of French -provincial life by repudiating certain doubts as to the ability -of the French people to understand the mystic, fabulous element -which, as I had shown, was displayed in such a masterly manner in -Freischutz, and she pointed to my article as clearly explaining -the characteristics of that opera. - -Another journalistic opportunity arose out of my endeavours to -secure the acceptance of my Rienzi by the Court Theatre at -Dresden. Herr Winkler, the secretary of that theatre, whom I have -already mentioned, regularly reported progress; but as editor of -the Abendzeitung, a paper then rather on the wane, he seized the -opportunity presented by our negotiations in order to ask me to -send him frequent and gratuitous contributions. The consequence -was, that whenever I wanted to know anything concerning the fate -of my opera, I had to oblige him by enclosing an article for his -paper. Now, as these negotiations with the Court Theatre lasted a -very long time, and involved a large number of contributions from -me, I often got into the most extraordinary fixes simply owing to -the fact that I was now once more a prisoner in my room, and had -been so for some time, and therefore knew nothing of what was -going on in Paris. - -I had serious reasons for thus withdrawing from the artistic and -social life of Paris. My own painful experiences and my disgust -at all the mockery of that kind of life, once so attractive to me -and yet so alien to my education, had quickly driven me away from -everything connected with it. It is true that the production of -the Huguenots, for instance, which I then heard for the first -time, dazzled me very much indeed. Its beautiful orchestral -execution, and the extremely careful and effective mise en scene, -gave me a grand idea of the great possibilities of such perfect -and definite artistic means. But, strange to say, I never felt -inclined to hear the same opera again. I soon became tired of the -extravagant execution of the vocalists, and I often amused my -friends exceedingly by imitating the latest Parisian methods and -the vulgar exaggerations with which the performances teemed. -Those composers, moreover, who aimed at achieving success by -adopting the style which was then in vogue, could not help, -either, incurring my sarcastic criticism. The last shred of -esteem which I still tried to retain for the 'first lyrical -theatre in the world' was at last rudely destroyed when I saw how -such an empty, altogether un-French work as Donizetti's Favorita -could secure so long and important a run at this theatre. - -During the whole time of my stay in Paris I do not think I went -to the opera more than four times. The cold productions at the -Opera Comique, and the degenerate quality of the music produced -there, had repelled me from the start; and the same lack of -enthusiasm displayed by the singers also drove me from Italian -opera. The names, often very famous ones, of these artists who -sang the same four operas for years could not compensate me for -the complete absence of sentiment which characterised their -performance, so unlike that of Schroder-Devrient, which I so -thoroughly enjoyed. I clearly saw that everything was on the down -grade, and yet I cherished no hope or desire to see this state of -decline superseded by a period of newer and fresher life. I -preferred the small theatres, where French talent was shown in -its true light; and yet, as the result of my own longings, I was -too intent upon finding points of relationship in them which -would excite my sympathy, for it to be possible for me to realise -those peculiar excellences in them which did not happen to -interest me at all. Besides, from the very beginning my own -troubles had proved so trying, and the consciousness of the -failure of my Paris schemes had become so cruelly apparent, that, -either out of indifference or annoyance, I declined all -invitations to the theatres. Again and again, much to Minna's -regret, I returned tickets for performances in which Rachel was -to appear at the Theatre Francais, and, in fact, saw that famous -theatre only once, when, some time later, I had to go there on -business for my Dresden patron, who wanted some more articles. - -I adopted the most shameful means for filling the columns of the -Abendzeitung; I just strung together whatever I happened to hear -in the evening from Anders and Lehrs. But as they had no very -exciting adventures either, they simply told me all they had -picked up from papers and table-talk, and this I tried to render -with as much piquancy as possible in accordance with the -journalistic style created by Heine, which was all the rage at -the time. My one fear was lest old Hofrath Winkler should some -day discover the secret of my wide knowledge of Paris. Among -other things which I sent to his declining paper was a long -account of the production of Freischutz, He was particularly -interested in it, as he was the guardian of Weber's children; and -when in one of his letters he assured me that he would not rest -until he had got the definite assurance that Rienzi had been -accepted, I sent him, with my most profuse thanks, the German -manuscript of my 'Beethoven' story for his paper. The 1841 -edition of this gazette, then published by Arnold, but now no -longer in existence, contains the only print of this manuscript. - -My occasional journalistic work was increased by a request from -Lewald, the editor of Europa, a literary monthly, asking me to -write something for him. This man was the first who, from time to -time, had mentioned my name to the public. As he used to publish -musical supplements to his elegant and rather widely read -magazine, I sent him two of my compositions from Konigsberg for -publication. One of these was the music I had set to a melancholy -poem by Scheuerlin, entitled Der Knabe und der Tannenbaum (a work -of which even to-day I am still proud), and my beautiful -Carnevals Lied out of Liebesverbot. - -When I wanted to publish my little French compositions--Dors, mon -enfant, and the music to Hugo's Attente and Ronsard's Mignonne-- -Lewald not only sent me a small fee--the first I had ever -received for a composition--but commissioned some long articles -on my Paris impressions, which he begged me to write as -entertainingly as possible. For his paper I wrote Pariser -Amusements and Pariser Fatalitaten, in which I gave vent in a -humorous style, a la Heine, to all my disappointing experiences -in Paris, and to all my contempt for the life led by its -inhabitants. In the second I described the existence of a certain -Hermann Pfau, a strange good-for-nothing with whom, during my -early Leipzig days, I had become more intimately acquainted than -was desirable. This man had been wandering about Paris like a -vagrant ever since the beginning of the previous winter, and the -meagre income I derived from arrangements of La Favorita was -often partly consumed in helping this completely broken-down -fellow. So it was only fair that I should get back a few francs -of the money spent on him in Paris by turning his adventures to -some account in Lewald's newspapers. - -When I came into contact with Leon Pillet, the manager of the -Opera, my literary work took yet another direction. After -numerous inquiries I eventually discovered that he had taken a -fancy to my draft of the Fliegender Hollander. He informed me of -this, and asked me to sell him the plot, as he was under contract -to supply various composers with subjects for operettas. I tried -to explain to Pillet, both verbally and in writing, that he could -hardly expect that the plot would be properly treated except by -myself, as this draft was in fact my own idea, and that it had -only come to his knowledge by my having submitted it to him. But -it was all to no purpose. He was obliged to admit quite frankly -that the expectations I had cherished as to the result of -Meyerbeer's recommendation to him would not come to anything. He -said there was no likelihood of my getting a commission for a -composition, even of a light opera, for the next seven years, as -his already existing contracts extended over that period. He -asked me to be sensible, and to sell him the draft for a small -amount, so that he might have the music written by an author to -be selected by him; and he added that if I still wished to try my -luck at the Opera House, I had better see the 'ballet-master,' as -he might want some music for a certain dance. Seeing that I -contemptuously refused this proposal, he left me to my own -devices. - -After endless and unsuccessful attempts at getting the matter -settled, I at last begged Edouard Monnaie, the Commissaire for -the Royal Theatres, who was not only a friend of mine, but also -editor of the Gazette Musicale, to act as mediator. He candidly -confessed that he could not understand Pillet's liking for my -plot, which he also was acquainted with; but as Pillet seemed to -like it--though he would probably lose it--he advised me to -accept anything for it, as Monsieur Paul Faucher, a brother-in- -law of Victor Hugo's, had had an offer to work out the scheme for -a similar libretto. This gentleman had, moreover, declared that -there was nothing new in my plot, as the story of the Vaisseau -Fantome was well known in France. I now saw how I stood, and, in -a conversation with Pillet, at which M. Faucher was present, I -said I would come to an arrangement. My plot was generously -estimated by Pillet at five hundred francs, and I received that -amount from the cash office at the theatre, to be subsequently -deducted from the author's rights of the future poet. - -Our summer residence in the Avenue de Meudon now assumed quite a -definite character. These five hundred francs had to help me to -work out the words and music of my Fliegender Hollander for -Germany, while I abandoned the French Vaisseau Fantome to its -fate. - -The state of my affairs, which was getting ever worse and worse, -was slightly improved by the settlement of this matter. May and -June had gone by, and during these months our troubles had grown -steadily more serious. The lovely season of the year, the -stimulating country air, and the sensation of freedom following -upon my deliverance from the wretchedly paid musical hack-work I -had had to do all the winter, wrought their beneficial effects on -me, and I was inspired to write a small story entitled Ein -glucklicher Abend. This was translated and published in French in -the Gazette Musicale. Soon, however, our lack of funds began to -make itself felt with a severity that was very discouraging. We -felt this all the more keenly when my sister Cecilia and her -husband, following our example, moved to a place quite close to -us. Though not wealthy, they were fairly well-to-do. They came to -see us every day, but we never thought it desirable to let them -know how terribly hard-up we were. One day it came to a climax. -Being absolutely without money, I started out, early one morning, -to walk to Paris--for I had not even enough to pay the railway -fare thither--and I resolved to wander about the whole day, -trudging from street to street, even until late in the afternoon, -in the hope of raising a five-franc piece; but my errand proved -absolutely vain, and I had to walk all the way back to Meudon -again, utterly penniless. - -When I told Minna, who came to meet me, of my failure, she -informed me in despair that Hermann Pfau, whom I have mentioned -before, had also come to us in the most pitiful plight, and -actually in want of food, and that she had had to give him the -last of the bread delivered by the baker that morning. The only -hope that now remained was that, at any rate, my lodger Brix, who -by a singular fate was now our companion in misfortune, would -return with some success from the expedition to Paris which he -also had made that morning. At last he, too, returned bathed in -perspiration and exhausted, driven home by the craving for a -meal, which he had been unable to procure in the town, as he -could not find any of the acquaintances he went to see. He begged -most piteously for a piece of bread. This climax to the situation -at last inspired my wife with heroic resolution; for she felt it -her duty to exert herself to appease at least the hunger of her -menfolk. For the first time during her stay on French soil, she -persuaded the baker, the butcher, and wine-merchant, by plausible -arguments, to supply her with the necessaries of life without -immediate cash payment, and Minna's eyes beamed when, an hour -later, she was able to put before us an excellent meal, during -which, as it happened, we were surprised by the Avenarius family, -who were evidently relieved at finding us so well provided for. - -This extreme distress was relieved for a time, at the beginning -of July, by the sale of my Vaisseau Fantome, which meant my final -renunciation of my success in Paris. As long as the five hundred -francs lasted, I had an interval of respite for carrying on my -work. The first object on which I spent my money was on the hire -of a piano, a thing of which I had been entirely deprived for -months. My chief intention in so doing was to revive my faith in -myself as a musician, as, ever since the autumn of the previous -year, I had exercised my talents as a journalist and adapter of -operas only. The libretto of the Fliegender Hollander, which I -had hurriedly written during the recent period of distress, -aroused considerable interest in Lehrs; he actually declared I -would never write anything better, and that the Fliegender -Hollander would be my Don Juan; the only thing now was to find -the music for it. As towards the end of the previous winter I -still entertained the hopes of being permitted to treat this -subject for the French Opera, I had already finished some of the -words and music of the lyric parts, and had had the libretto -translated by Emile Deschamps, intending it for a trial -performance, which, alas, never took place. These parts were the -ballad of Senta, the song of the Norwegian sailors, and the -'Spectre Song' of the crew of the Fliegender Hollander. Since -that time I had been so violently torn away from the music that, -when the piano arrived at my rustic retreat, I did not dare to -touch it for a whole day. I was terribly afraid lest I should -discover that my inspiration had left me--when suddenly I was -seized with the idea that I had forgotten to write out the song -of the helmsman in the first act, although, as a matter of fact, -I could not remember having composed it at all, as I had in -reality only just written the lyrics. I succeeded, and was -pleased with the result. The same thing occurred with the -'Spinner's Song,' and when I had written out these two pieces, -and, on further reflection, could not help admitting that they -had really only taken shape in my mind at that moment, I was -quite delirious with joy at the discovery. In seven weeks the -whole of the music of the Fliegender Hollander, except the -orchestration, was finished. - -Thereupon followed a general revival in our circle; my exuberant -good spirits astonished every one, and my Avenarius relations in -particular thought I must really be prospering, as I was such -good company. I resumed my long walks in the woods of Meudon, -frequently even consenting to help Minna gather mushrooms, which, -unfortunately, were for her the chief charm of our woodland -retreat, though it filled our landlord with terror when he saw us -returning with our spoils, as he felt sure we should be poisoned -if we ate them. - -My destiny, which almost invariably led me into strange -adventures, here once more introduced me to the most eccentric -character to be found not only in the neighbourhood of Meudon, -but even in Paris. This was M. Jadin, who, though he was old -enough to be able to say that he remembered seeing Madame de -Pompadour at Versailles, was still vigorous beyond belief. It -appeared to be his aim to keep the world in a constant state of -conjecture as to his real age; he made everything for himself -with his own hands, including even a quantity of wigs of every -shade, ranging in the most comic variety from youthful flaxen to -the most venerable white, with intermediate shades of grey; these -he wore alternately, as the fancy pleased him. He dabbled in -everything, and I was pleased to find he had a particular fancy -for painting. The fact that all the walls of his rooms were hung -with the most childish caricatures of animal life, and that he -had even embellished the outside of his blinds with the most -ridiculous paintings, did not disconcert me in the least; on the -contrary, it confirmed my belief that he did not dabble in music, -until, to my horror, I discovered that the strangely discordant -sounds of a harp which kept reaching my ears from some unknown -region were actually proceeding from his basement, where he had -two harpsichords of his own invention. He informed me that he had -unfortunately neglected playing them for a long time, but that he -now meant to begin practising again assiduously in order to give -me pleasure. I succeeded in dissuading him from this, by assuring -him that the doctor had forbidden me to listen to the harp, as it -was bad for my nerves. His figure as I saw him for the last time -remains impressed on my memory, like an apparition from the world -of Hoffmann's fairy-tales. In the late autumn, when we were going -back to Paris, he asked us to take with us on our furniture van -an enormous stove-pipe, of which he promised to relieve us -shortly. One very cold day Jadin actually presented himself at -our new abode in Paris, in a most preposterous costume of his own -manufacture, consisting of very thin light-yellow trousers, a -very short pale-green dress-coat with conspicuously long tails, -projecting lace shirt frills and cuffs, a very fair wig, and a -hat so small that it was constantly dropping off; he wore in -addition a quantity of imitation jewellery--and all this on the -undisguised assumption that he could not go about in fashionable -Paris dressed as simply as in the country. He had come for the -stove-pipe; we asked him where the men to carry it were; in reply -he simply smiled, and expressed his surprise at our helplessness; -and thereupon took the enormous stove-pipe under his arm and -absolutely refused to accept our help when we offered to assist -him in carrying it down the stairs, though this operation, -notwithstanding his vaunted skill, occupied him quite half an -hour. Every one in the house assembled to witness this removal, -but he was by no means disconcerted, and managed to get the pipe -through the street door, and then tripped gracefully along the -pavement with it, and disappeared from our sight. - -For this short though eventful period, during which I was quite -free to give full scope to my inmost thoughts, I indulged in the -consolation of purely artistic creations. I can only say that, -when it came to an end, I had made such progress that I could -look forward with cheerful composure to the much longer period of -trouble and distress I felt was in store for me. This, in fact, -duly set in, for I had only just completed the last scene when I -found that my five hundred francs were coming to an end, and what -was left was not sufficient to secure me the necessary peace and -freedom from worry for composing the overture; I had to postpone -this until my luck should take another favourable turn, and -meanwhile I was forced to engage in the struggle for a bare -subsistence, making efforts of all kinds that left me neither -leisure nor peace of mind. The concierge from the Rue du Helder -brought us the news that the mysterious family to whom we had let -our rooms had left, and that we were now once more responsible -for the rent. I had to tell him that I would not under any -circumstances trouble about the rooms any more, and that the -landlord might recoup himself by the sale of the furniture we had -left there. This was done at a very heavy loss, and the -furniture, the greater part of which was still unpaid for, was -sacrificed to pay the rent of a dwelling which we no longer -occupied. - -Under the stress of the most terrible privations I still -endeavoured to secure sufficient leisure for working out the -orchestration of the score of the Fliegender Hollander. The rough -autumn weather set in at an exceptionally early date; people were -all leaving their country houses for Paris, and, among them, the -Avenarius family. We, however, could not dream of doing so, for -we could not even raise the funds for the journey. When M. Jadin -expressed his surprise at this, I pretended to be so pressed with -work that I could not interrupt it, although I felt the cold that -penetrated through the thin walls of the house very severely. - -So I waited for help from Ernst Castel, one of my old Konigsberg -friends, a well-to-do young merchant, who a short time before had -called on us in Meudon and treated us to a luxurious repast in -Paris, promising at the same time to relieve our necessities as -soon as possible by an advance, which we knew was an easy matter -to him. - -By way of cheering us up, Kietz came over to us one day, with a -large portfolio and a pillow under his arm; he intended to amuse -us by working at a large caricature representing myself and my -unfortunate adventures in Paris, and the pillow was to enable -him, after his labours, to get some rest on our hard couch, which -he had noticed had no pillows at the head. Knowing that we had a -difficulty in procuring fuel, he brought with him some bottles of -rum, to 'warm' us with punch during the cold evenings; under -these circumstances I read Hoffmann's Tales to him and my wife. - -At last I had news from Konigsberg, but it only opened my eyes to -the fact that the gay young dog had not meant his promise -seriously. We now looked forward almost with despair to the -chilly mists of approaching winter, but Kietz, declaring that it -was his place to find help, packed up his portfolio, placed it -under his arm with the pillow, and went off to Paris. On the next -day he returned with two hundred francs, that he had managed to -procure by means of generous self-sacrifice. We at once set off -for Paris, and took a small apartment near our friends, in the -back part of No. 14 Rue Jacob. I afterwards heard that shortly -after we left it was occupied by Proudhon. - -We got back to town on 30th October. Our home was exceedingly -small and cold, and its chilliness in particular made it very bad -for our health. We furnished it scantily with the little we had -saved from the wreck of the Rue du Holder, and awaited the -results of my efforts towards getting my works accepted and -produced in Germany. The first necessity was at all costs to -secure peace and quietness for myself for the short time which I -should have to devote to the overture of the Fliegender -Hollander; I told Kietz that he would have to procure the money -necessary for my household expenses until this work was finished -and the full score of the opera sent off. With the aid of a -pedantic uncle, who had lived in Paris a long time and who was -also a painter, he succeeded in providing me with the necessary -assistance, in instalments of five or ten francs at a time. -During this period I often pointed with cheerful pride to my -boots, which became mere travesties of footgear, as the soles -eventually disappeared altogether. - -As long as I was engaged on the Dutchman, and Kietz was looking -after me, this made no difference, for I never went out: but when -I had despatched my completed score to the management of the -Berlin Court Theatre at the beginning of December, the bitterness -of the position could no longer be disguised. It was necessary -for me to buckle to and look for help myself. - -What this meant in Paris I learned just about this time from the -hapless fate of the worthy Lehrs. Driven by need such as I myself -had had to surmount a year before at about the same time, he had -been compelled on a broiling hot day in the previous summer to -scour the various quarters of the city breathlessly, to get grace -for bills he had accepted, and which had fallen due. He foolishly -took an iced drink, which he hoped would refresh him in his -distressing condition, but it immediately made him lose his -voice, and from that day he was the victim of a hoarseness which -with terrific rapidity ripened the seeds of consumption, -doubtless latent in him, and developed that incurable disease. -For months he had been growing weaker and weaker, filling us at -last with the gloomiest anxiety: he alone believed the supposed -chill would be cured, if he could heat his room better for a -time. One day I sought him out in his lodging, where I found him -in the icy-cold room, huddled up at his writing-table, and -complaining of the difficulty of his work for Didot, which was -all the more distressing as his employer was pressing him for -advances he had made. - -He declared that if he had not had the consolation in those -doleful hours of knowing that I had, at any rate, got my Dutchman -finished, and that a prospect of success was thus opened to the -little circle of friends, his misery would have been hard indeed -to bear. Despite my own great trouble, I begged him to share our -fire and work in my room. He smiled at my courage in trying to -help others, especially as my quarters offered barely space -enough for myself and my wife. However, one evening he came to us -and silently showed me a letter he had received from Villemain, -the Minister of Education at that time, in which the latter -expressed in the warmest terms his great regret at having only -just learned that so distinguished a scholar, whose able and -extensive collaboration in Didot's issue of the Greek classics -had made him participator in a work that was the glory of the -nation, should be in such bad health and straitened -circumstances. Unfortunately, the amount of public money which he -had at his disposal at that moment for subsidising literature -only allowed of his offering him the sum of five hundred francs, -which he enclosed with apologies, asking him to accept it as a -recognition of his merits on the part of the French Government, -and adding that it was his intention to give earnest -consideration as to how he might materially improve his position. - -This filled us with the utmost thankfulness on poor Lehrs' -account, and we looked on the incident almost as a miracle. We -could not help assuming, however, that M. Villemain had been -influenced by Didot, who had been prompted by his own guilty -conscience for his despicable exploitation of Lehrs, and by the -prospect of thus relieving himself of the responsibility of -helping him. At the same time, from similar cases within our -knowledge, which were fully confirmed by my own subsequent -experience, we were driven to the conclusion that such prompt and -considerate sympathy on the part of a minister would have been -impossible in Germany. Lehrs would now have a fire to work by, -but alas! our fears as to his declining health could not be -allayed. When we left Paris in the following spring, it was the -certainty that we should never see our dear friend again that -made our parting so painful. - -In my own great distress I was again exposed to the annoyance of -having to write numerous unpaid articles for the Abendzeitung, as -my patron, Hofrath Winkler, was still unable to give me any -satisfactory account of the fate of my Rienzi in Dresden. In -these circumstances I was obliged to consider it a good thing -that Halevy's latest opera was at last a success. Schlesinger -came to us radiant with joy at the success of La Reine de Chypre, -and promised me eternal bliss for the piano score and various -other arrangements I had made of this newest rage in the sphere -of opera. So I was again forced to pay the penalty for composing -my own Fliegender Hollander by having to sit down and write out -arrangements of Halevy's opera. Yet this task no longer weighed -on me so heavily. Apart from the wellfounded hope of being at -last recalled from my exile in Paris, and thus being able, as I -thought, to regard this last struggle with poverty as the -decisive one, the arrangement of Halevy's score was far and away -a more interesting piece of hack-work than the shameful labour I -had spent on Donizetti's Favorita. - -I paid another visit, the last for a long time to come, to the -Grand Opera to hear this Reine de Chypre. There was, indeed, much -for me to smile at. My eyes were no longer shut to the extreme -weakness of this class of work, and the caricature of it that was -often produced by the method of rendering it. I was sincerely -rejoiced to see the better side of Halevy again. I had taken a -great fancy to him from the time of his La Juive, and had a very -high opinion of his masterly talent. - -At the request of Schlesinger I also willingly consented to write -for his paper a long article on Halevy's latest work. In it I -laid particular stress on my hope that the French school might -not again allow the benefits obtained by studying the German -style to be lost by relapsing into the shallowest Italian -methods. On that occasion I ventured, by way of encouraging the -French school, to point to the peculiar significance of Auber, -and particularly to his Stumme von Portici, drawing attention, on -the other hand, to the overloaded melodies of Rossini, which -often resembled sol-fa exercises. In reading over the proof of my -article I saw that this passage about Rossini had been left out, -and M. Edouard Monnaie admitted to me that, in his capacity as -editor of a musical paper, he had felt himself bound to suppress -it. He considered that if I had any adverse criticism to pass on -the composer, I could easily get it published in any other kind -of paper, but not in one devoted to the interests of music, -simply because such a passage could not be printed there without -seeming absurd. It also annoyed him that I had spoken in such -high terms of Auber, but he let it stand. I had to listen to much -from that quarter which enlightened me for ever with regard to -the decay of operatic music in particular, and artistic taste in -general, among Frenchmen of the present day. - -I also wrote a longer article on the same opera for my precious -friend Winkler at Dresden, who was still hesitating about -accepting my Rienzi. In doing so I intentionally made merry over -a mishap that had befallen Lachner the conductor. Kustner, who -was theatrical director at Munich at the time, with a view to -giving his friend another chance, ordered a libretto to be -written for him by St. Georges in Paris, so that, through his -paternal care, the highest bliss which a German composer could -dream of might be assured to his protege. Well, it turned out -that when Halevy's Reine de Chypre appeared, it treated the same -subject as Lachner's presumably original work, which had been -composed in the meantime. It mattered very little that the -libretto was a really good one, the value of the bargain lay in -the fact that it was to be glorified by Lachner's music. It -appeared, however, that St. Georges had, as a matter of fact, to -some extent altered the book sent to Munich, but only by the -omission of several interesting features. The fury of the Munich -manager was great, whereupon St. Georges declared his -astonishment that the latter could have imagined he would supply -a libretto intended solely for the German stage at the paltry -price offered by his German customer. As I had formed my own -private opinion as to procuring French librettos for operas, and -as nothing in the world would have induced me to set to music -even the most effective piece of writing by Scribe or St. -Georges, this occurrence delighted me immensely, and in the best -of spirits I let myself go on the point for the benefit of the -readers of the Abendzeitung, who, it is to be hoped, did not -include my future 'friend' Lachner. - -In addition, my work on Halevy's opera (Reine de Chypre) brought -me into closer contact with that composer, and was the means of -procuring me many an enlivening talk with that peculiarly good- -hearted and really unassuming man, whose talent, alas, declined -all too soon. Schlesinger, in fact, was exasperated at his -incorrigible laziness. Halevy, who had looked through my piano -score, contemplated several changes with a view to making it -easier, but he did not proceed with them: Schlesinger could not -get the proof-sheets back; the publication was consequently -delayed, and he feared that the popularity of the opera would be -over before the work was ready for the public. He urged me to get -firm hold of Halevy very early in the morning in his rooms, and -compel him to set to work at the alterations in my company. - -The first time I reached his house at about ten in the morning, I -found him just out of bed, and he informed me that he really must -have breakfast first. I accepted his invitation, and sat down -with him to a somewhat luxurious meal; my conversation seemed to -appeal to him, but friends came in, and at last Schlesinger among -the number, who burst into a fury at not finding him at work on -the proofs he regarded as so important. Halevy, however, remained -quite unmoved. In the best of good tempers he merely complained -of his latest success, because he had never had more peace than -of late, when his operas, almost without exception, had been -failures, and he had not had anything to do with them after the -first production. Moreover, he feigned not to understand why this -Reine de Chypre in particular should have been a success; he -declared that Schlesinger had engineered it on purpose to worry -him. When he spoke a few words to me in German, one of the -visitors was astonished, whereupon Schlesinger said that all Jews -could speak German. Thereupon Schlesinger was asked if he also -was a Jew. He answered that he had been, but had become a -Christian for his wife's sake. This freedom of speech was a -pleasant surprise to me, because in Germany in such cases we -always studiously avoided the point, as discourteous to the -person referred to. But as we never got to the proof correcting, -Schlesinger made me promise to give Halevy no peace until we had -done them. - -The secret of his indifference to success became clear to me in -the course of further conversation, as I learned that he was on -the point of making a wealthy marriage. At first I was inclined -to think that Halevy was simply a man whose youthful talent was -only stimulated to achieve one great success with the object of -becoming rich; in his case, however, this was not the only -reason, as he was very modest in regard to his own capacity, and -had no great opinion of the works of those more fortunate -composers who were writing for the French stage at that time. In -him I thus, for the first time, met with the frankly expressed -admission of disbelief in the value of all our modern creations -in this dubious field of art. I have since come to the conclusion -that this incredulity, often expressed with much less modesty, -justifies the participation of all Jews in our artistic concerns. -Only once did Halevy speak to me with real candour, when, on my -tardy departure for Germany, he wished me the success he thought -my works deserved. - -In the year 1860 I saw him again. I had learned that, while the -Parisian critics were giving vent to the bitterest condemnation -of the concerts I was giving at that time, he had expressed his -approval, and this determined me to visit him at the Palais de -l'Institut, of which he had for some time been permanent -secretary. He seemed particularly eager to learn from my own lips -what my new theory about music really was, of which he had heard -such wild rumours. For his own part, he said, he had never found -anything but music in my music, but with this difference, that -mine had generally seemed very good. This gave rise to a lively -discussion on my part, to which he good-humouredly agreed, once -more wishing me success in Paris. This time, however, he did so -with less conviction than when he bade me good-bye for Germany, -which I thought was because be doubted whether I could succeed in -Paris. From this final visit I carried away a depressing sense of -the enervation, both moral and aesthetic, which had overcome one -of the last great French musicians, while, on the other hand, I -could not help feeling that a tendency to a hypocritical or -frankly impudent exploitation of the universal degeneracy marked -all who could be designated as Halevy's successors. - -Throughout this period of constant hack-work my thoughts were -entirely bent on my return to Germany, which now presented itself -to my mind in a wholly new and ideal light. I endeavoured in -various ways to secure all that seemed most attractive about the -project, or which filled my soul with longing. My intercourse -with Lehrs had, on the whole, given a decided spur to my former -tendency to grapple seriously with my subjects, a tendency which -had been counteracted by closer contact with the theatre. This -desire now furnished a basis for closer study of philosophical -questions. I had been astonished at times to hear even the grave -and virtuous Lehrs, openly and quite as a matter of course, give -expression to grave doubts concerning our individual survival -after death. He declared that in many great men this doubt, even -though only tacitly held, had been the real incitement to noble -deeds. The natural result of such a belief speedily dawned on me -without, however, causing me any serious alarm. On the contrary, -I found a fascinating stimulus in the fact that boundless regions -of meditation and knowledge were thereby opened up which hitherto -I had merely skimmed in light-hearted levity. - -In my renewed attempts to study the Greek classics in the -original, I received no encouragement from Lehrs. He dissuaded me -from doing so with the well-meant consolation, that as I could -only be born once, and that with music in me, I should learn to -understand this branch of knowledge without the help of grammar -or lexicon; whereas if Greek were to be studied with real -enjoyment, it was no joke, and would not suffer being relegated -to a secondary place. - -On the other hand, I felt strongly drawn to gain a closer -acquaintance of German history than I had secured at school. I -had Raumer's History of the Hohenstaufen within easy reach to -start upon. All the great figures in this book lived vividly -before my eyes. I was particularly captivated by the personality -of that gifted Emperor Frederick II., whose fortunes aroused my -sympathy so keenly that I vainly sought for a fitting artistic -setting for them. The fate of his son Manfred, on the other hand, -provoked in me an equally well-grounded, but more easily -combated, feeling of opposition. - -I accordingly made a plan of a great five-act dramatic poem, -which should also be perfectly adapted to a musical setting. My -impulse to embellish the story with the central figure of -romantic significance was prompted by the fact of Manfred's -enthusiastic reception in Luceria by the Saracens, who supported -him and carried him on from victory to victory till he reached -his final triumph, and this, too, in spite of the fact that he -had come to them betrayed on every hand, banned by the Church, -and deserted by all his followers during his flight through -Apulia and the Abruzzi. - -Even at this time it delighted me to find in the German mind the -capacity of appreciating beyond the narrow bounds of nationality -all purely human qualities, in however strange a garb they might -be presented. For in this I recognised how nearly akin it is to -the mind of Greece. In Frederick II. I saw this quality in full -flower. A fair-haired German of ancient Swabian stock, heir to -the Norman realm of Sicily and Naples, who gave the Italian -language its first development, and laid a basis for the -evolution of knowledge and art where hitherto ecclesiastical -fanaticism and feudal brutality had alone contended for power, a -monarch who gathered at his court the poets and sages of eastern -lands, and surrounded himself with the living products of Arabian -and Persian grace and spirit--this man I beheld betrayed by the -Roman clergy to the infidel foe, yet ending his crusade, to their -bitter disappointment, by a pact of peace with the Sultan, from -whom he obtained a grant of privileges to Christians in Palestine -such as the bloodiest victory could scarcely have secured. - -In this wonderful Emperor, who finally, under the ban of that -same Church, struggled hopelessly and in vain against the savage -bigotry of his age, I beheld the German ideal in its highest -embodiment. My poem was concerned with the fate of his favourite -son Manfred. On the death of an elder brother, Frederick's empire -had entirely fallen to pieces, and the young Manfred was left, -under papal suzerainty, in nominal possession of the throne of -Apulia. We find him at Capua, in surroundings, and attended by a -court, in which the spirit of his great father survives, in a -state of almost effeminate degeneration. In despair of ever -restoring the imperial power of the Hohenstaufen, he seeks to -forget his sadness in romance and song. There now appears upon -the scene a young Saracen lady, just arrived from the East, who, -by appealing to the alliance between East and West concluded by -Manfred's noble father, conjures the desponding son to maintain -his imperial heritage. She acts the part of an inspired -prophetess, and though the prince is quickly filled with love for -her, she succeeds in keeping him at a respectful distance. By a -skilfully contrived flight she snatches him, not only from the -pursuit of rebellious Apulian nobles, but also from the papal ban -which is threatening to depose him from his throne. Accompanied -only by a few faithful followers, she guides him through mountain -fastnesses, where one night the wearied son beholds the spirit of -Frederick II. passing with feudal array through the Abruzzi, and -beckoning him on to Luceria. - -To this district, situated in the Papal States, Frederick had, by -a peaceful compact, transplanted the remnant of his Saracen -retainers, who had previously been wreaking terrible havoc in the -mountains of Sicily. To the great annoyance of the Pope, he had -handed the town over to them in fee-simple, thus securing for -himself a band of faithful allies in the heart of an ever- -treacherous and hostile country. - -Fatima, as my heroine is called, has prepared, through the -instrumentality of trusty friends, a reception for Manfred in -this place. When the papal governor has been expelled by a -revolution, he slips through the gateway into the town, is -recognised by the whole population as the son of their beloved -Emperor, and, amid wildest enthusiasm, is placed at their head, -to lead them against the enemies of their departed benefactor. In -the meantime, while Manfred is marching on from victory to -victory in his reconquest of the whole kingdom of Apulia, the -tragic centre of my action still continues to be the unvoiced -longing of the lovelorn victor for the marvellous heroine. - -She is the child of the great Emperor's love for a noble Saracen -maiden. Her mother, on her deathbed, had sent her to Manfred, -foretelling that she would work wonders for his glory provided -she never yielded to his passion. Whether Fatima was to know that -she was his sister I left undecided in framing my plot. Meanwhile -she is careful to show herself to him only at critical moments, -and then always in such a way as to remain unapproachable. When -at last she witnesses the completion of her task in his -coronation at Naples, she determines, in obedience to her vow, to -slip away secretly from the newly anointed king, that she may -meditate in the solitude of her distant home upon the success of -her enterprise. - -The Saracen Nurreddin, who had been a companion of her youth, and -to whose help she had chiefly owed her success in rescuing -Manfred, is to be the sole partner of her flight. To this man, -who loves her with passionate ardour, she had been promised in -her childhood. Before her secret departure she pays a last visit -to the slumbering king. This rouses her lover's furious jealousy, -as he construes her act into a proof of unfaithfulness on the -part of his betrothed. The last look of farewell which Fatima -casts from a distance at the young monarch, on his return from -his coronation, inflames the jealous lover to wreak instant -vengeance for the supposed outrage upon his honour. He strikes -the prophetess to the earth, whereupon she thanks him with a -smile for having delivered her from an unbearable existence. At -the sight of her body Manfred realises that henceforth happiness -has deserted him for ever. - -This theme I had adorned with many gorgeous scenes and -complicated situations, so that when I had worked it out I could -regard it as a fairly suitable, interesting, and effective whole, -especially when compared with other well-known subjects of a -similar nature. Yet I could never rouse myself to sufficient -enthusiasm over it to give my serious attention to its -elaboration, especially as another theme now laid its grip upon -me. This was suggested to me by a pamphlet on the 'Venusberg,' -which accidentally fell into my hands. - -If all that I regarded as essentially German had hitherto drawn -me with ever-increasing force, and compelled me to its eager -pursuit, I here found it suddenly presented to me in the simple -outlines of a legend, based upon the old and well-known ballad of -'Tannhauser.' True, its elements were already familiar to me from -Tieck's version in his Phantasus. But his conception of the -subject had flung me back into the fantastic regions created in -my mind at an earlier period by Hoffmann, and I should certainly -never have been tempted to extract the framework of a dramatic -work from his elaborate story. The point in this popular pamphlet -which had so much weight with me was that it brought -'Tannhauser,' if only by a passing hint, into touch with 'The -Minstrel's War on the Wartburg.' I had some knowledge of this -also from Hoffmann's account in his Serapionsbrudern. But I felt -that the writer had only grasped the old legend in a distorted -form, and therefore endeavoured to gain a closer acquaintance -with the true aspect of this attractive story. At this juncture -Lehrs brought me the annual report of the proceedings of the -Konigsberg German Society, in which the 'Wartburg contest' was -criticised with a fair amount of detail by Lukas. Here I also -found the original text. Although I could utilise but little of -the real setting for my own purpose, yet the picture it gave me -of Germany in the Middle Ages was so suggestive that I found I -had not previously had the smallest conception of what it was -like. - -As a sequel to the Wartburg poem, I also found in the same copy a -critical study, 'Lohengrin,' which gave in full detail the main -contents of that widespread epic. - -Thus a whole new world was opened to me, and though as yet I had -not found the form in which I might cope with Lohengrin, yet this -image also lived imperishably within me. When, therefore, I -afterwards made a close acquaintance with the intricacies of this -legend, I could visualise the figure of the hero with a -distinctness equal to that of my conception of Tannhauser at this -time. - -Under these influences my longing for a speedy return to Germany -grew ever more intense, for there I hoped to earn a new home for -myself where I could enjoy leisure for creative work. But it was -not yet possible even to think of occupying myself with such -grateful tasks. The sordid necessities of life still bound me to -Paris. While thus employed, I found an opportunity of exerting -myself in a way more congenial to my desires. When I was a young -man at Prague, I had made the acquaintance of a Jewish musician -and composer called Dessauer--a man who was not devoid of talent, -who in fact achieved a certain reputation, but was chiefly known -among his intimates on account of his hypochondria. This man, who -was now in flourishing circumstances, was so far patronised by -Schlesinger that the latter seriously proposed to help him to a -commission for Grand Opera. Dessauer had come across my poem of -the Fliegender Hollander, and now insisted that I should draft a -similar plot for him, as M. Leon Pillet's Vaisseau Fantome had -already been given to M. Dietsch, the letter's musical conductor, -to set to music. From this same conductor Dessauer obtained the -promise of a like commission, and he now offered me two hundred -francs to provide him with a similar plot, and one congenial to -his hypochondriacal temperament. - -To meet this wish I ransacked my brain for recollections of -Hoffmann, and quickly decided to work up his Bergwerke von Falun. -The moulding of this fascinating and marvellous material -succeeded as admirably as I could wish. Dessauer also felt -convinced that the topic was worth his while to set to music. His -dismay was accordingly all the greater when Pillet rejected our -plot on the ground that the staging would be too difficult, and -that the second act especially would entail insurmountable -obstacles for the ballet, which had to be given each time. In -place of this Dessauer wished me to compose him an oratorio on -'Mary Magdalene.' As on the day that he expressed this wish he -appeared to be suffering from acute melancholia, so much so that -he declared he had that morning seen his own head lying beside -his bed, I thought well not to refuse his request. I asked him, -therefore, to give me time, and I regret to say that ever since -that day I have continued to take it.. - -It was amid such distractions as these that this winter at length -drew to an end, while my prospects of getting to Germany -gradually grew more hopeful, though with a slowness that sorely -tried my patience. I had kept up a continuous correspondence with -Dresden respecting Rienzi, and in the worthy chorus-master -Fischer I at last found an honest man who was favourably disposed -to me. He sent me reliable and reassuring reports as to the -state of my affairs. - -After receiving news, early in January, 1842, of renewed delay, I -at last heard that by the end of February the work would be ready -for performance. I was seriously uneasy at this, as I was afraid -of not being able to accomplish the journey by that date. But -this news also was soon contradicted, and the honest Fischer -informed me that my opera had had to be postponed till the autumn -of that year. I realised fully that it would never be performed -if I could not be present in person at Dresden. When eventually -in March Count Redern, the director of the Theatre Royal in -Berlin, told me that my Fliegender Hollander had been accepted -for the opera there, I thought I had sufficient reason to return -to Germany at all costs as soon as possible. - -I had already had various experiences as to the views of German -managers on this work. Relying on the plot, which had pleased the -manager of the Paris Opera so much, I had sent the libretto in -the first instance to my old acquaintance Ringelhardt, the -director of the Leipzig theatre. But the man had cherished an -undisguised aversion for me since my Liebesverbot. As he could -not this time possibly object to any levity in my subject, he now -found fault with its gloomy solemnity and refused to accept it. -As I had met Councillor Kustner, at that time manager of the -Munich Court Theatre, when he was making arrangements about La -Reine de Chypre in Paris, I now sent him the text of the Dutchman -with a similar request. He, too, returned it, with the assurance -that it was not suited to German stage conditions, or to the -taste of the German public. As he had ordered a French libretto -for Munich, I knew what he meant. When the score was finished, I -sent it to Meyerbeer in Berlin, with a letter for Count Redern, -and begged him, as he had been unable to help me to anything in -Paris, in spite of his desire to do so, to be kind enough to use -his influence in Berlin in favour of my composition. I was -genuinely astonished at the truly prompt acceptance of my work -two months later, which was accompanied by very gratifying -assurances from the Count, and I was delighted to see in it a -proof of Meyerbeer's sincere and energetic intervention in my -favour. Strange to say, on my return to Germany soon afterwards, -I was destined to learn that Count Redern had long since retired -from the management of the Berlin Opera House, and that Kustner -of Munich had already been appointed his successor; the upshot of -this was that Count Redern's consent, though very courteous, -could not by any means be taken seriously, as the realisation of -it depended not on him but on his successor. What the result was -remains to be seen. - -A circumstance that eventually facilitated my long-desired return -to Germany, which was now justified by my good prospects, was the -tardily awakened interest taken in my position by the wealthy -members of my family. If Didot had had reasons of his own for -applying to the Minister Villemain for support for Lehrs, so also -Avenarius, my brother-in-law in Paris, when he heard how I was -struggling against poverty, one day took it into his head to -surprise me with some quite unexpected help secured by his appeal -to my sister Louisa. On 26th December of the fast-waning year -1841 I went home to Minna carrying a goose under my arm, and in -the beak of the bird we found a five-hundred-franc note. This -note had been given me by Avenarius as the result of a request on -my behalf made by my sister Louisa to a friend of hers, a wealthy -merchant named Schletter. This welcome addition to our extremely -straitened resources might not in itself have been sufficient to -put me in an exceedingly good-humour, had I not clearly seen in -it the prospect of escaping altogether from my position in Paris. -As the leading German managers had now consented to the -performance of two of my compositions, I thought I might -seriously reproach my brother-in-law, Friedrich Brockhaus, who -had repulsed me the year before when I applied to him in great -distress, on the ground that he 'disapproved of my profession.' -This time I might be more successful in securing the wherewithal -for my return. I was not mistaken, and when the time came I was -supplied from this source with the necessary travelling expenses. - -With these prospects, and my position thus improved, I found -myself spending the second half of the winter 1841-42 in high -spirits, and affording constant entertainment to the small circle -of friends which my relationship to Avenarius had created around -me. Minna and I frequently spent our evenings with this family -and others, amongst whom I have pleasant recollections of a -certain Herr Kuhne, the head of a private school, and his wife. I -contributed so greatly to the success of their little soirees, -and was always so willing to improvise dances on the piano for -them to dance to, that I soon ran the risk of enjoying an almost -burdensome popularity. - -At length the hour struck for my deliverance; the day came on -which, as I devoutly hoped, I might turn my back on Paris for -ever. It was the 7th of April, and Paris was already gay with the -first luxuriant buddings of spring. In front of our windows, -which all the winter had looked upon a bleak and desolate garden, -the trees were burgeoning, and the birds sang. Our emotion at -parting from our dear friends Anders, Lehrs, and Kietz, however, -was great, almost overwhelming. The first seemed already doomed -to an early death, for his health was exceedingly bad, and he was -advanced in years. About Lehrs' condition, as I have already -said, there could no longer be any doubt, and it was dreadful, -after so short an experience as the two and a half years which I -had spent in Paris, to see the ravages that want had wrought -among good, noble, and sometimes even distinguished men. Kietz, -for whose future I was concerned, less on grounds of health than -of morals, touched our hearts once more by his boundless and -almost childlike good-nature. Fancying, for instance, that I -might not have enough money for the journey, he forced me, in -spite of all resistance, to accept another five-franc piece, -which was about all that remained of his own fortune at the -moment: he also stuffed a packet of good French snuff for me into -the pocket of the coach, in which we at last rumbled through the -boulevards to the barriers, which we passed but were unable to -see this time, because our eyes were blinded with tears. - - - -PART II - - -1842-1850 - - - -The journey from Paris to Dresden at that time took five days and -nights. On the German frontier, near Forbach, we met with stormy -weather and snow, a greeting which seemed inhospitable after the -spring we had already enjoyed in Paris. And, indeed, as we -continued our journey through our native land once more, we found -much to dishearten us, and I could not help thinking that the -Frenchmen who on leaving Germany breathed more freely on reaching -French soil, and unbuttoned their coats, as though passing from -winter into summer, were not so very foolish after all, seeing -that we, for our part, were now compelled to seek protection -against this conspicuous change of temperature by being very -careful to put on sufficient clothing. The unkindness of the -elements became perfect torture when, later on, between Frankfort -and Leipzig, we were swept into the stream of visitors to the -Great Easter Fair. - -The pressure on the mail-coaches was so great, that for two days -and a night, amid ceaseless storm, snow and rain, we were -continually changing from one wretched 'substitute' to another, -thus turning our journey into an adventure of almost the same -type as our former voyage at sea. - -One solitary flash of brightness was afforded by our view of the -Wartburg, which we passed during the only sunlit hour of this -journey. The sight of this mountain fastness, which, from the -Fulda side, is clearly visible for a long time, affected me -deeply. A neighbouring ridge further on I at once christened the -Horselberg, and as we drove through the valley, pictured to -myself the scenery for the third act of my Tannhauser. This scene -remained so vividly in my mind, that long afterwards I was able -to give Desplechin, the Parisian scene-painter, exact details -when he was working out the scenery under my direction. If I had -already been impressed by the significance of the fact that my -first journey through the German Rhine district, so famous in -legend, should have been made on my way home from Paris, it -seemed an even more ominous coincidence that my first sight of -Wartburg, which was so rich in historical and mythical -associations, should come just at this moment. The view so warmed -my heart against wind and weather, Jews and the Leipzig Fair, -that in the end I arrived, on 12th April, 1842, safe and sound, -with my poor, battered, half-frozen wife, in that selfsame city -of Dresden which I had last seen on the occasion of my sad -separation from my Minna, and my departure for my northern place -of exile. - -We put up at the 'Stadt Gotha' inn. The city, in which such -momentous years of my childhood and boyhood had been spent, -seemed cold and dead beneath the influences of the wild, gloomy -weather. Indeed, everything there that could remind me of my -youth seemed dead. No hospitable house received us. We found my -wife's parents living in cramped and dingy lodgings in very -straitened circumstances, and were obliged at once to look about -for a small abode for ourselves. This we found in the Topfergasse -for twenty-one marks a month. After paying the necessary business -visits in connection with Rienzi, and making arrangements for -Minna during my brief absence, I set out on 15th April direct for -Leipzig, where I saw my mother and family for the first time in -six years. - -During this period, which had been so eventful for my own life, -my mother had undergone a great change in her domestic position -through the death of Rosalie. She was living in a pleasant roomy -flat near the Brockhaus family, where she was free from all those -household cares to which, owing to her large family, she had -devoted so many years of anxious thought. Her bustling energy, -which had almost amounted to hardness, had entirely given place -to a natural cheerfulness and interest in the family prosperity -of her married daughters. For the blissful calm of this happy old -age she was mainly indebted to the affectionate care of her son- -in-law, Friedrich Brockhaus, to whom I expressed my heartfelt -thanks for his goodness. She was exceedingly astonished and -pleased to see me unexpectedly enter her room. Any bitterness -that ever existed between us had utterly vanished, and her only -complaint was that she could not put me up in her house, instead -of my brother Julius, the unfortunate goldsmith, who had none of -the qualities that could make him a suitable companion for her. -She was full of hope for the success of my undertaking, and felt -this confidence strengthened by the favourable prophecy which our -dear Rosalie had made about me shortly before her sad death. - -For the present, however, I only stayed a few days in Leipzig, as -I had first to visit Berlin in order to make definite -arrangements with Count Redern for the performance of the -Fliegender Hollander. As I have already observed, I was here at -once destined to learn that the Count was on the point of -retiring from the directorship, and he accordingly referred me -for all further decisions to the new director, Kustner, who had -not yet arrived in Berlin. I now suddenly realised what this -strange circumstance meant, and knew that, so far as the Berlin -negotiations went, I might as well have remained in Paris. This -impression was in the main confirmed by a visit to Meyerbeer, -who, I found, regarded my coming to Berlin as over hasty. -Nevertheless, he behaved in a kind and friendly manner, only -regretting that he was just on the point of 'going away,' a state -in which I always found him whenever I visited him again in -Berlin. - -Mendelssohn was also in the capital about this time, having been -appointed one of the General Musical Directors to the King of -Prussia. I also sought him out, having been previously introduced -to him in Leipzig. He informed me that he did not believe his -work would prosper in Berlin, and that he would rather go back to -Leipzig. I made no inquiry about the fate of the score of my -great symphony performed at Leipzig in earlier days, which I had -more or less forced upon him so many years ago. On the other -hand, he did not betray to me any signs of remembering that -strange offering. In the midst of the lavish comforts of his home -he struck me as cold, yet it was not so much that he repelled me -as that I recoiled from him. I also paid a visit to Rellstab, to -whom I had a letter of introduction from his trusty publisher, my -brother-in-law Brockhaus. Here it was not so much smug ease that -I encountered; I doubtless felt repulsed more by the fact that he -showed no inclination whatever to interest himself in my affairs. - -I grew very low spirited in Berlin. I could almost have wished -Commissioner Cerf back again. Miserable as had been the time I -had spent here years before, I had then, at any rate, met one -man, who, for all the bluntness of his exterior, had treated me -with true friendliness and consideration. In vain did I try to -call to mind the Berlin through whose streets I had walked, with -all the ardour of youth, by the side of Laube. After my -acquaintance with London, and still more with Paris, this city, -with its sordid spaces and pretensions to greatness, depressed me -deeply, and I breathed a hope that, should no luck crown my life, -it might at least be spent in Paris rather than in Berlin. - -On my return from this wholly fruitless expedition, I first went -to Leipzig for a few days, where, on this occasion, I stayed with -my brother-in-law, Hermann Brockhaus, who was now Professor of -Oriental Languages at the University. His family had been -increased by the birth of two daughters, and the atmosphere of -unruffled content, illuminated by mental activity and a quiet but -vivid interest in all things relating to the higher aspects of -life, greatly moved my homeless and vagabond soul. One evening, -after my sister had seen to her children, whom she had brought up -very well, and had sent them with gentle words to bed, we -gathered in the large richly stocked library for our evening meal -and a long confidential chat. Here I broke out into a violent fit -of weeping, and it seemed as though the tender sister, who five -years before had known me during the bitterest straits of my -early married life in Dresden, now really understood me. At the -express suggestion of my brother-in-law Hermann, my family -tendered me a loan, to help me to tide over the time of waiting -for the performance of my Rienzi in Dresden. This, they said, -they regarded merely as a duty, and assured me that I need have -no hesitation whatever in accepting it. It consisted of a sum of -six hundred marks, which was to be paid me in monthly instalments -for six months. As I had no prospect of being able to reply on -any other source of income, there was every chance of Minna's -talent for management being put severely to the test, if this -were to carry us through; it could be done, however, and I was -able to return to Dresden with a great sense of relief. - -While I was staying with my relatives I played and sang them the -Fliegender Hollander for the first time connectedly, and seemed -to arouse considerable interest by my performance, for when, -later on, my sister Louisa heard the opera in Dresden, she -complained that much of the effect previously produced by my -rendering did not come back to her. I also sought out my old -friend Apel again. The poor man had gone stone blind, but he -astonished me by his cheeriness and contentment, and thereby once -and for all deprived me of any reason for pitying him. As he -declared that he knew the blue coat I was wearing very well, -though it was really a brown one, I thought it best not to argue -the point, and I left Leipzig in a state of wonder at finding -every one there so happy and contented. - -When I reached Dresden, on 26th April, I found occasion to -grapple more vigorously with my lot. Here I was enlivened by -closer intercourse with the people on whom I had to rely for a -successful production of Rienzi. It is true that the results of -my interviews with Luttichau, the general manager, and Reissiger, -the musical conductor, left me cold and incredulous. Both were -sincerely astonished at my arrival in Dresden; and the same might -even be said of my frequent correspondent and patron, Hofrath -Winkler, who also would have preferred my remaining in Paris. -But, as has been my constant experience both before and since, -help and encouragement have always come to me from humbler and -never from the more exalted ranks of life. - -So in this case, too, I met my first agreeable sensation in the -overwhelmingly cordial reception I received from the old chorus- -master, Wilhelm Fischer. I had had no previous acquaintance with -him, yet he was the only person who had taken the trouble to read -my score carefully, and had not only conceived serious hopes for -the success of my opera, but had worked energetically to secure -its being accepted and practised. The moment I entered his room -and told him my name, he rushed to embrace me with a loud cry, -and in a second I was translated to an atmosphere of hope. -Besides this man, I met in the actor Ferdinand Heine and his -family another sure foundation for hearty and, indeed, deep- -rooted friendship. It is true that I had known him from -childhood, for at that time he was one of the few young people -whom my stepfather Geyer liked to see about him. In addition to a -fairly decided talent for drawing, it was chiefly his pleasant -social gifts that had won him an entrance into our more intimate -family circle. As he was very small and slight, my stepfather -nicknamed him DavidCHEN, and under this appellation he used to -take part with great affability and good-humour in our little -festivities, and above all in our friendly excursions into the -neighbouring country, in which, as I mentioned in its place, even -Carl Maria von Weber used to join. Belonging to the good old -school, he had become a useful, if not prominent, member of the -Dresden stage. He possessed all the knowledge and qualities for a -good stage manager, but never succeeded in inducing the committee -to give him that appointment. It was only as a designer of -costumes that he found further scope for his talents, and in this -capacity he was included in the consultations over the staging of -Rienzi. - -Thus it came about that he had the opportunity of busying himself -with the work of a member, now grown to man's estate, of the very -family with whom he had spent such pleasant days in his youth. He -greeted me at once as a child of the house, and we two homeless -creatures found in our memories of this long-lost home the first -common basis to our friendship. We generally spent our evenings -with old Fischer at Heine's, where, amid hopeful conversation, we -regaled ourselves on potatoes and herrings, of which the meal -chiefly consisted. Schroder-Devrient was away on a holiday; -Tichatschek, who was also on the point of going away, I had just -time to see, and with him I went quickly through a part of his -role in Rienzi. His brisk and lively nature, his glorious voice -and great musical talent, gave special weight to his encouraging -assurance that he delighted in the role of Rienzi. Heine also -told me that the mere prospect of having many new costumes, and -especially new silver armour, had inspired Tichatschek with the -liveliest desire to play this part, so that I might rely on him -under any circumstances. Thus I could at once give closer -attention to the preparations for practice, which was fixed to -begin in the late summer, after the principal singers had -returned from their holiday. - -I had to make special efforts to pacify my friend Fischer by my -readiness to abbreviate the score, which was excessively lengthy. -His intentions in the matter were so honest that I gladly sat -down with him to the wearisome task. I played and sang my score -to the astonished man on an old grand piano in the rehearsing- -room of the Court Theatre, with such frantic vigour that, -although he did not mind if the instrument came to grief, he grew -concerned about my chest. Finally, amid hearty laughter, he -ceased to argue about cutting down passages, as precisely where -he thought something might be omitted I proved to him with -headlong eloquence that it was precisely here that the main point -lay. He plunged with me head over heels into the vast chaos of -sound, against which he could raise no objection, beyond the -testimony of his watch, whose correctness I also ended by -disputing. As sops I light-heartedly flung him the big pantomime -and most of the ballet in the second act, whereby I reckoned we -might save a whole half-hour. Thus, thank goodness, the whole -monster was at last handed over to the clerks to make a fair copy -of, and the rest was left for time to accomplish. - -We next discussed what we should do in the summer, and I decided -upon a stay of several months at Toplitz, the scene of my first -youthful flights, whose fine air and baths, I hoped, would also -benefit Minna's health. But before we could carry out this -intention I had to pay several more visits to Leipzig to settle -the fate of my Dutchman. On 5th May I proceeded thither to have -an interview with Kustner, the new director of the Berlin Opera, -who I had been told had just arrived there. He was now placed in -the awkward position of being about to produce in Berlin the very -opera which he had before declined in Munich, as it had been -accepted by his predecessor in office. He promised me to consider -what steps he would take in this predicament. In order to learn -the result of Kustner's deliberations, I determined, on 2nd June, -to seek him out, and this time in Berlin itself. But at Leipzig I -found a letter in which he begged me to wait patiently a little -longer for his final verdict. I took advantage of being in the -neighbourhood of Halle to pay a visit to my eldest brother -Albert. I was very much grieved and depressed to find the poor -fellow, whom I must give the credit of having the greatest -perseverance and a quite remarkable talent for dramatic song, -living in the unworthy and mean circumstances which the Halle -Theatre offered to him and his family. The realisation of -conditions into which I myself had once nearly sunk now filled me -with indescribable abhorrence. Still more harrowing was it to -hear my brother speak of this state in tones which showed, alas, -only too plainly, the hopeless submission with which he had -already resigned himself to its horrors. The only consolation I -could find was the personality and childlike nature of his step- -daughter Johanna, who was then fifteen, and who sang me Spohr's -Rose, wie bist du so schon with great expression and in a voice -of an extraordinarily beautiful quality. - -Then I returned to Dresden, and at last, in wonderful weather, -undertook the pleasant journey to Toplitz with Minna and one of -her sisters, reaching that place on 9th June, where we took up -our quarters at a second-class inn, the Eiche, at Schonau. Here -we were soon joined by my mother, who paid her usual yearly visit -to the warm baths all the more gladly this time because she knew -she would find me there. If she had before had any prejudice -against Minna because of my premature marriage to her, a closer -acquaintance with her domestic gifts soon changed it into -respect, and she quickly learned to love the partner of my -doleful days in Paris. Although my mother's vagaries demanded no -small consideration, yet what particularly delighted me about her -was the astonishing vivacity of her almost childlike imagination, -a faculty she retained to such a degree that one morning she -complained that my relation of the Tannhauser legend on the -previous evening had given her a whole night of pleasant but most -tiring sleeplessness. - -By dint of appealing letters to Schletter, a wealthy patron of -art in Leipzig, I managed to do something for Kietz, who, had -remained behind in misery in Paris, and also to provide Minna -with medical treatment. I also succeeded to a certain extent in -ameliorating my own woeful financial position. Scarcely were -these tasks accomplished, when I started off in my old boyish way -on a ramble of several days on foot through the Bohemian -mountains, in order that I might mentally work out my plan of the -'Venusberg' amid the pleasant associations of such a trip. Here I -took the fancy of engaging quarters in Aussig on the romantic -Schreckenstein, where for several days I occupied the little -public room, in which straw was laid down for me to sleep on at -night. I found recreation in daily ascents of the Wostrai, the -highest peak in the neighbourhood, and so keenly did the -fantastic solitude quicken my youthful spirit, that I clambered -about the ruins of the Schreckenstein the whole of one moonlit -night, wrapped only in a blanket, in order myself to provide the -ghost that was lacking, and delighted myself with the hope of -scaring some passing wayfarer. - -Here I drew up in my pocket-book the detailed plan of a three-act -opera on the 'Venusberg,' and subsequently carried out the -composition of this work in strict accordance with the sketch I -then made. - -One day, when climbing the Wostrai, I was astonished, on turning -the corner of a valley, to hear a merry dance tune whistled by a -goatherd perched up on a crag. I seemed immediately to stand -among the chorus of pilgrims filing past the goatherd in the -valley; but I could not afterwards recall the goatherd's tune, so -I was obliged to help myself out of the matter in the usual way. - -Enriched by these spoils, I returned to Toplitz in a wonderfully -cheerful frame of mind and robust health, but on receiving the -interesting news that Tichatschek and Schroder-Devrient were on -the point of returning, I was impelled to set off once more for -Dresden. I took this step, not so much to avoid missing any of -the early rehearsals of Rienzi, as because I wanted to prevent -the management replacing it by something else. I left Minna for a -time with my mother, and reached Dresden on 18th July. - -I hired a small lodging in a queer house, since pulled down, -facing the Maximilian Avenue, and entered into a fairly lively -intercourse with our operatic stars who had just returned. My old -enthusiasm for Schroder-Devrient revived when I saw her again -more frequently in opera. Strange was the effect produced upon me -when I heard her for the first time in Gretry's Blaubart, for I -could not help remembering that this was the first opera I had -ever seen. I had been taken to it as a boy of five (also in -Dresden), and I still retained my wondrous first impressions of -it. All my earliest childish memories were revived, and I -recollected how frequently and with what emphasis I had myself -sung Bluebeard's song: Ha, die Falsche! Die Thure offen! to the -amusement of the whole house, with a paper helmet of my own -making on my head. My friend Heine still remembered it well. - -In other respects the operatic performances were not such as to -impress me very favourably: I particularly missed the rolling -sound of the fully equipped Parisian orchestra of string -instruments. I also noticed that, when opening the fine new -theatre, they had quite forgotten to increase the number of these -instruments in proportion to the enlarged space. In this, as well -as in the general equipment of the stage, which was materially -deficient in many respects, I was impressed by the sense of a -certain meanness about theatrical enterprise in Germany, which -became most noticeable when reproductions were given, often with -wretched translations of the text, of the Paris opera repertoire. -If even in Paris my dissatisfaction with this treatment of opera -had been great, the feeling which once drove me thither from the -German theatres now returned with redoubled energy. I actually -felt degraded again, and nourished within my breast a contempt so -deep that for a time I could hardly endure the thought of signing -a lasting contract, even with one of the most up-to-date of -German opera houses, but sadly wondered what steps I could take -to hold my ground between disgust and desire in this strange -world. - -Nothing but the sympathy inspired by communion with persons -endowed with exceptional gifts enabled me to triumph over my -scruples. This statement applies above all to my great ideal, -Schroder-Devrient, in whose artistic triumphs it had once been my -most burning desire to be associated. It is true that many years -had elapsed since my first youthful impressions of her were -formed. As regards her looks, the verdict which, in the following -winter, was sent to Paris by Berlioz during his stay in Dresden, -was so far correct that her somewhat 'maternal' stoutness was -unsuited to youthful parts, especially in male attire, which, as -in Rienzi, made too great a demand upon the imagination. Her -voice, which in point of quality had never been an exceptionally -good medium for song, often landed her in difficulties, and in -particular she was forced, when singing, to drag the time a -little all through. But her achievements were less hampered now -by these material hindrances than by the fact that her repertoire -consisted of a limited number of leading parts, which she had -sung so frequently that a certain monotony in the conscious -calculation of effect often developed into a mannerism which, -from her tendency to exaggeration, was at times almost painful. - -Although these defects could not escape me, yet I, more than any -one, was especially qualified to overlook such minor weaknesses, -and realise with enthusiasm the incomparable greatness of her -performances. Indeed, it only needed the stimulus of excitement, -which this actress's exceptionally eventful life still procured, -fully to restore the creative power of her prime, a fact of which -I was subsequently to receive striking demonstrations. But I was -seriously troubled and depressed at seeing how strong was the -disintegrating effect of theatrical life upon the character of -this singer, who had originally been endowed with such great and -noble qualities. From the very mouth through which the great -actress's inspired musical utterances reached me, I was compelled -to hear at other times very similar language to that in which, -with but few exceptions, nearly all heroines of the stage -indulge. The possession of a naturally fine voice, or even mere -physical advantages, which might place her rivals on the same -footing as herself in public favour, was more than she could -endure; and so far was she from acquiring the dignified -resignation worthy of a great artist, that her jealousy increased -to a painful extent as years went on. I noticed this all the more -because I had reason to suffer from it. A fact which caused me -even greater trouble, however, was that she did not grasp music -easily, and the study of a new part involved difficulties which -meant many a painful hour for the composer who had to make her -master his work. Her difficulty in learning new parts, and -particularly that of Adriano in Rienzi, entailed disappointments -for her which caused me a good deal of trouble. - -If, in her case, I had to handle a great and sensitive nature -very tenderly, I had, on the other hand, a very easy task with -Tichatschek, with his childish limitations and superficial, but -exceptionally brilliant, talents. He did not trouble to learn his -parts by heart, as he was so musical that he could sing the most -difficult music at sight, and thought all further study needless, -whereas with most other singers the work consisted in mastering -the score. Hence, if he sang through a part at rehearsals often -enough to impress it on his memory, the rest, that is to say, -everything pertaining to vocal art and dramatic delivery, would -follow naturally. In this way he picked up any clerical errors -there might be in the libretto, and that with such incorrigible -pertinacity, that he uttered the wrong words with just the same -expression as if they were correct. He waved aside good- -humouredly any expostulations or hints as to the sense with the -remark, 'Ah! that will be all right soon.' And, in fact, I very -soon resigned myself and quite gave up trying to get the singer -to use his intelligence in the interpretation of the part of the -hero, for which I was very agreeably compensated by the light- -hearted enthusiasm with which he flung himself into his congenial -role, and the irresistible effect of his brilliant voice. - -With the exception of these two actors who played the leading -parts, I had only very moderate material at my disposal. But -there was plenty of goodwill, and I had recourse to an ingenious -device to induce Reissiger the conductor to hold frequent piano -rehearsals. He had complained to me of the difficulty he had -always found in securing a well-written libretto, and thought it -was very sensible of me to have acquired the habit of writing my -own. In his youth he had unfortunately neglected to do this for -himself, and yet this was all he lacked to make a successful -dramatic composer. I feel bound to confess that he possessed 'a -good deal of melody'; but this, he added, did not seem sufficient -to inspire the singers with the requisite enthusiasm. His -experience was that Schroder-Devrient, in his Adele de Foix, -would render very indifferently the same final passage with -which, in Bellini's Romeo and Juliet, she would put the audience -into an ecstasy. The reason for this, he presumed, must lie in -the subject-matter. I at once promised him that I would supply -him with a libretto in which he would be able to introduce these -and similar melodies to the greatest advantage. To this he gladly -agreed, and I therefore set aside for versification, as a -suitable text for Reissiger, my Hohe Braut, founded on Konig's -romance, which I had once before submitted to Scribe. I promised -to bring Reissiger a page of verse for every piano rehearsal, and -this I faithfully did until the whole book was done. I was much -surprised to learn some time later that Reissiger had had a new -libretto written for him by an actor named Kriethe. This was -called the Wreck of the Medusa. I then learned that the wife of -the conductor, who was a suspicious woman, had been filled with -the greatest concern at my readiness to give up a libretto to her -husband. They both thought the book was good and full of striking -effects, but they suspected some sort of trap in the background, -to escape from which they must certainly exercise the greatest -caution. The result was that I regained possession of my libretto -and was able, later on, to help my old friend Kittl with it in -Prague; he set it to music of his own, and entitled it Die -Franzosen vor Nizza. I heard that it was frequently performed in -Prague with great success, though I never saw it myself; and I -was also told at the same time by a local critic that this text -was a proof of my real aptitude as a librettist, and that it was -a mistake for me to devote myself to composition. As regards my -Tannhauser, on the other hand, Laube used to declare it was a -misfortune that I had not got an experienced dramatist to supply -me with a decent text for my music. - -For the time being, however, this work of versification had the -desired result, and Reissiger kept steadily to the study of -Rienzi. But what encouraged him even more than my verses was the -growing interest of the singers, and above all the genuine -enthusiasm of Tichatschek. This man, who had been so ready to -leave the delights of the theatre piano for a shooting party, now -looked upon the rehearsals of Rienzi as a genuine treat. He -always attended them with radiant eyes and boisterous good- -humour. I soon felt myself in a state of constant exhilaration: -favourite passages were greeted with acclamation by the singers -at every rehearsal, and a concerted number of the third finale, -which unfortunately had afterwards to be omitted owing to its -length, actually became on that occasion a source of profit to -me. For Tichatschek maintained that this B minor was so lovely -that something ought to be paid for it every time, and he put -down a silver penny, inviting the others to do the same, to which -they all responded merrily. From that day forward, whenever we -came to this passage at rehearsals, the cry was raised, 'Here -comes the silver penny part,' and Schroder-Devrient, as she took -out her purse, remarked that these rehearsals would ruin her. -This gratuity was conscientiously handed to me each time, and no -one suspected that these contributions, which were given as a -joke, were often a very welcome help towards defraying the cost -of our daily food. For Minna had returned from Toplitz, at the -beginning of August, accompanied by my mother. - -We lived very frugally in chilly lodgings, hopefully awaiting the -tardy day of our deliverance. The months of August and September -passed, in preparation for my work, amid frequent disturbances -caused by the fluctuating and scanty repertoire of a German opera -house, and not until October did the combined rehearsals assume -such a character as to promise the certainty of a speedy -production. From the very beginning of the general rehearsals -with the orchestra we all shared the conviction that the opera -would, without doubt, be a great success. Finally, the full dress -rehearsals produced a perfectly intoxicating effect. When we -tried the first scene of the second act with the scenery -complete, and the messengers of peace entered, there was a -general outburst of emotion, and even Schroder-Devrient, who was -bitterly prejudiced against her part, as it was not the role of -the heroine, could only answer my questions in a voice stifled -with tears. I believe the whole theatrical body, down to its -humblest officials, loved me as though I were a real prodigy, and -I am probably not far wrong in saying that much of this arose -from sympathy and lively fellow-feeling for a young man, whose -exceptional difficulties were not unknown to them, and who now -suddenly stepped out of perfect obscurity into splendour. During -the interval at the full dress rehearsal, while other members had -dispersed to revive their jaded nerves with lunch, I remained -seated on a pile of boards on the stage, in order that no one -might realise that I was in the quandary of being unable to -obtain similar refreshment. An invalid Italian singer, who was -taking a small part in the opera, seemed to notice this, and -kindly brought me a glass of wine and a piece of bread. I was -sorry that I was obliged to deprive him of even his small part in -the course of the year, for its loss provoked such ill-treatment -from his wife, that by conjugal tyranny he was driven into the -ranks of my enemies. When, after my flight from Dresden in 1849, -I learned that I had been denounced to the police by this same -singer for supposed complicity in the rising which took place in -that town, I bethought me of this breakfast during the Rienzi -rehearsal, and felt I was being punished for my ingratitude, for -I knew I was guilty of having brought him into trouble with his -wife. - -The frame of mind in which I looked forward to the first -performance of my work was a unique experience which I have never -felt either before or since. My kind sister Clara fully shared my -feelings. She had been living a wretched middle-class life at -Chemnitz, which, just about this time, she had left to come and -share my fate in Dresden. The poor woman, whose undoubted -artistic gifts had faded so early, was laboriously dragging out a -commonplace bourgeois existence as a wife and mother; but now, -under the influence of my growing success, she began joyously to -breathe a new life. She and I and the worthy chorus-master -Fischer used to spend our evenings with the Heine family, still -over potatoes and herrings, and often in a wonderfully elated -frame of mind. The evening before our first performance I was -able to crown our happiness by myself ladling out a bowl of -punch. With mingled tears and laughter we skipped about like -happy children, and then in sleep prepared ourselves for the -triumphant day to which we looked forward with such confidence.. - -Although on the morning of 20th October, 1842 I had resolved not -to disturb any of my singers by a visit, yet I happened to come -across one of them, a stiff Philistine called Risse, who was -playing a minor bass part in a dull but respectable way. The day -was rather cool, but wonderfully bright and sunshiny, after the -gloomy weather we had just been having. Without a word this -curious creature saluted me and then remained standing, as though -bewitched. He simply gazed into my face with wonder and rapture, -in order to find out, so he at last managed to tell me in strange -confusion, how a man looked who that very day was to face such an -exceptional fate. I smiled and reflected that it was indeed a day -of crisis, and promised him that I would soon drink a glass with -him, at the Stadt Hamburg inn, of the excellent wine he had -recommended to me with so much agitation. - -No subsequent experience of mine can be compared with the -sensations which marked the day of the first production of -Rienzi. At all the first performances of my works in later days, -I have been so absorbed by an only too well-founded anxiety as to -their success, that I could neither enjoy the opera nor form any -real estimate of its reception by the public. As for my -subsequent experiences at the general rehearsal of Tristan und -Isolde, this took place under such exceptional circumstances, and -its effect upon me differed so fundamentally from that produced -by the first performance of Rienzi, that no comparison can -possibly be drawn between the two. - -The immediate success of Rienzi was no doubt assured beforehand. -But the emphatic way in which the audience declared their -appreciation was thus far exceptional, that in cities like -Dresden the spectators are never in a position to decide -conclusively upon a work of importance on the first night, and -consequently assume an attitude of chilling restraint towards the -works of unknown authors. But this was, in the nature of things, -an exceptional case, for the numerous staff of the theatre and -the body of musicians had inundated the city beforehand with such -glowing reports of my opera, that the whole population awaited -the promised miracle in feverish expectation. I sat with Minna, -my sister Clara, and the Heine family in a pit-box, and when I -try to recall my condition during that evening, I can only -picture it with all the paraphernalia of a dream. Of real -pleasure or agitation I felt none at all: I seemed to stand quite -aloof from my work; whereas the sight of the thickly crowded -auditorium agitated me so much, that I was unable even to glance -at the body of the audience, whose presence merely affected me -like some natural phenomenon--something like a continuous -downpour of rain--from which I sought shelter in the farthest -corner of my box as under a protecting roof. I was quite -unconscious of applause, and when at the end of the acts I was -tempestuously called for, I had every time to be forcibly -reminded by Heine and driven on to the stage. On the other hand, -one great anxiety filled me with growing alarm: I noticed that -the first two acts had taken as long as the whole of Freischutz, -for instance. On account of its warlike calls to arms the third -act begins with an exceptional uproar, and when at its close the -clock pointed to ten, which meant that the performance had -already lasted full four hours, I became perfectly desperate. The -fact that after this act, also, I was again loudly called, I -regarded merely as a final courtesy on the part of the audience, -who wished to signify that they had had quite enough for one -evening, and would now leave the house in a body. As we had still -two acts before us, I thought it settled that we should not be -able to finish the piece, and apologised for my lack of wisdom in -not having previously effected the necessary curtailments. Now, -thanks to my folly, I found myself in the unheard-of predicament -of being unable to finish an opera, otherwise extremely well -received, simply because it was absurdly long. I could only -explain the undiminished zeal of the singers, and particularly of -Tichatschek, who seemed to grow lustier and cheerier the longer -it lasted, as an amiable trick to conceal from me the inevitable -catastrophe. But my astonishment at finding the audience still -there in full muster, even in the last act--towards midnight-- -filled me with imbounded perplexity. I could no longer trust my -eyes or ears, and regarded the whole events of the evening as a -nightmare. It was past midnight when, for the last time, I had to -obey the thunderous calls of the audience, side by side with my -trusty singers. - -My feeling of desperation at the unparalleled length of my opera -was augmented by the temper of my relatives, whom I saw for a -short time after the performance. Friedrich Brockhaus and his -family had come over with some friends from Leipzig, and had -invited us to the inn, hoping to celebrate an agreeable success -over a pleasant supper, and possibly to drink my health. But on -arriving, kitchen and cellar were closed, and every one was so -worn out that nothing was to be heard but outcries at the -unparalleled case of an opera lasting from six o'clock till past -twelve. No further remarks were exchanged, and we stole away -feeling quite stupefied. - -About eight the next morning I put in an appearance at the -clerks' office, in order that in case there should be a second -performance I might arrange the necessary curtailment of the -parts. If, during the previous summer, I had contested every beat -with the faithful chorus-master Fischer, and proved them all to -be indispensable, I was now possessed by a blind rage for -striking out. There was not a single part of my score which -seemed any longer necessary--what the audience had been made to -swallow the previous evening now appeared but a chaos of sheer -impossibilities, each and all of which might be omitted without -the slightest damage or risk of being unintelligible. My one -thought now was how to reduce my convolution of monstrosities to -decent limits. By dint of unsparing and ruthless abbreviations -handed over to the copyist, I hoped to avert a catastrophe, for I -expected nothing less than that the general manager, together -with the city and the theatre, would that very day give me to -understand that such a thing as the performance of my Last of the -Tribunes might perhaps be permitted once as a curiosity, but not -oftener. All day long, therefore, I carefully avoided going near -the theatre, so as to give time for my heroic abbreviations to do -their salutary work, and for news of them to spread through the -city. But at midday I looked in again upon the copyists, to -assure myself that all had been duly performed as I had ordered. -I then learned that Tichatschek had also been there, and, after -inspecting the omissions that I had arranged, had forbidden their -being carried out. Fischer, the chorus-master, also wished to -speak to me about them: work was suspended, and I foresaw great -confusion. I could not understand what it all meant, and feared -mischief if the arduous task were delayed. At length, towards -evening, I sought out Tichatschek at the theatre. Without giving -him a chance to speak, I brusquely asked him why he had -interrupted the copyists' work. In a half-choked voice he curtly -and defiantly rejoined, 'I will have none of my part cut out--it -is too heavenly.' I stared at him blankly, and then felt as -though I had been suddenly bewitched: such an unheard-of -testimony to my success could not but shake me out of my strange -anxiety. Others joined him, Fischer radiant with delight and -bubbling with laughter. Every one spoke of the enthusiastic -emotion which thrilled the whole city. Next came a letter of -thanks from the Commissioner acknowledging my splendid work. -Nothing now remained for me but to embrace Tichatschek and -Fischer, and go on my way to inform Minna and Clara how matters -stood. - -After a few days' rest for the actors, the second performance -took place on 26th October, but with various curtailments, for -which I had great difficulty in obtaining Tichatschek's consent. -Although it was still of much more than average length, I heard -no particular complaints, and at last adopted Tichatschek's view -that, if he could stand it, so could the audience. For six -performances therefore, all of which continued to receive a -similar avalanche of applause, I let the matter run its course. - -My opera, however, had also excited interest among the elder -princesses of the royal family. They thought its exhausting -length a drawback, but were nevertheless unwilling to miss any of -it. Luttichau consequently proposed that I should give the piece -at full length, but half of it at a time on two successive -evenings. This suited me very well, and after an interval of a -few weeks we announced Rienzi's Greatness for the first day, and -His Fall for the second. The first evening we gave two acts, and -on the second three, and for the latter I composed a special -introductory prelude. This met with the entire approval of our -august patrons, and especially of the two eldest, Princesses -Amalie and Augusta. The public, on the contrary, simply regarded -this in the light of now being asked to pay two entrance fees for -one opera, and pronounced the new arrangement a decided fraud. -Its annoyance at the change was so great that it actually -threatened to be fatal to the attendance, and after three -performances of the divided Rienzi the management was obliged to -go back to the old arrangement, which I willingly made possible -by introducing my cuttings again. - -From this time forward the piece used to fill the house to -overflowing as often as it could be presented, and the permanence -of its success became still more obvious when I began to realise -the envy it drew upon me from many different quarters. My first -experience of this was truly painful, and came from the hands of -the poet, Julius Mosen, on the very day after the first -performance. When I first reached Dresden in the summer I had -sought him out, and, having a really high opinion of his talent, -our intercourse soon became more intimate, and was the means of -giving me much pleasure and instruction. He had shown me a volume -of his plays, which on the whole appealed to me exceptionally. -Among these was a tragedy, Cola Rienzi, dealing with the same -subject as my opera, and in a manner partly new to me, and which -I thought effective. With reference to this poem, I had begged -him to take no notice of my libretto, as in the quality of its -poetry it could not possibly bear comparison with his own; and it -cost him little sacrifice to grant the request. It happened that -just before the first performance of my Rienzi, he had produced -in Dresden Bernhard von Weimar, one of his least happy pieces, -the result of which had brought him little pleasure. Dramatically -it was a thing with no life in it, aiming only at political -harangue, and had shared the inevitable fate of all such -aberrations. He had therefore awaited the appearance of my Rienzi -with some vexation, and confessed to me his bitter chagrin at not -being able to procure the acceptance of his tragedy of the same -name in Dresden. This, he presumed, arose from its somewhat -pronounced political tendency, which, certainly in a spoken play -on a similar subject, would be more noticeable than in an opera, -where from the very start no one pays any heed to the words. I -had genially confirmed him in this depreciation of the subject -matter in opera; and was therefore the more startled when, on -finding him at my sister Louisa's the day after the first -performance, he straightway overwhelmed me with a scornful -outburst of irritation at my success. But he found in me a -strange sense of the essential unreality in opera of such a -subject as that which I had just illustrated with so much success -in Rienzi, so that, oppressed by a secret sense of shame, I had -no serious rejoinder to offer to his candidly poisonous abuse. My -line of defence was not yet sufficiently clear in my own mind to -be available offhand, nor was it yet backed by so obvious a -product of my own peculiar genius that I could venture to quote -it. Moreover, my first impulse was only one of pity for the -unlucky playwright, which I felt all the more constrained to -express, because his burst of fury gave me the inward -satisfaction of knowing that he recognised my great success, of -which I was not yet quite clear myself. - -But this first performance of Rienzi did far more than this. It -gave occasion for controversy, and made an ever-widening breach -between myself and the newspaper critics. Herr Karl Bank, who for -some time had been the chief musical critic in Dresden, had been -known to me before at Magdeburg, where he once visited me and -listened with delight to my playing of several fairly long -passages from my Liebesverbot. When we met again in Dresden, this -man could not forgive me for having been unable to procure him -tickets for the first performance of Rienzi. The same thing -happened with a certain Herr Julius Schladebach, who likewise -settled in Dresden about that time as a critic. Though I was -always anxious to be gracious to everybody, yet I felt just then -an invincible repugnance for showing special deference to any man -because he was a critic. As time went on, I carried this rule to -the point of almost systematic rudeness, and was consequently all -my life through the victim of unprecedented persecution from the -press. As yet, however, this ill-will had not become pronounced, -for at that time journalism had not begun to give itself airs in -Dresden. There were so few contributions sent from there to the -outside press that our artistic doings excited very little notice -elsewhere, a fact which was certainly not without its -disadvantages for me. Thus for the present the unpleasant side of -my success scarcely affected me at all, and for a brief space I -felt myself, for the first and only time in my life, so -pleasantly borne along on the breath of general good-will, that -all my former troubles seemed amply requited. - -For further and quite unexpected fruits of my success now -appeared with astonishing rapidity, though not so much in the -form of material profit, which for the present resolved itself -into nine hundred marks, paid me by the General Board as an -exceptional fee instead of the usual twenty golden louis. Nor did -I dare to cherish the hope of selling my work advantageously to a -publisher, until it had been performed in some other important -towns. But fate willed it, that by the sudden death of Rastrelli, -royal director of music, which occurred shortly after the first -production of Rienzi, an office should unexpectedly become -vacant, for the filling of which all eyes at once turned to me. - -While the negotiations over this matter were slowly proceeding, -the General Board gave proof in another direction of an almost -passionate interest in my talents. They insisted that the first -performance of the Fliegender Hollander should on no account be -conceded to the Berlin opera, but reserved as an honour for -Dresden. As the Berlin authorities raised no obstacle, I very -gladly handed over my latest work also to the Dresden theatre. If -in this I had to dispense with Tichatschek's assistance, as there -was no leading tenor part in the play, I could count all the more -surely on the helpful co-operation of Schroder-Devrient, to whom -a worthier task was assigned in the leading female part than that -which she had had in Rienzi. I was glad to be able thus to rely -entirely upon her, as she had grown strangely out of humour with -me, owing to her scanty share in the success of Rienzi. The -completeness of my faith in her I proved with an exaggeration by -no means advantageous to my own work, by simply forcing the -leading male part on Wachter, a once capable, but now somewhat -delicate baritone. He was in every respect wholly unsuited to the -task, and only accepted it with unfeigned hesitation. On -submitting my play to my adored prima donna, I was much relieved -to find that its poetry made a special appeal to her. Thanks to -the genuine personal interest awakened in me under very peculiar -circumstances by the character and fate of this exceptional -woman, our study of the part of Senta, which often brought us -into close contact, became one of the most thrilling and -momentously instructive periods of my life. - -It is true that the great actress, especially when under the -influence of her famous mother, Sophie Schroder, who was just -then with her on a visit, showed undisguised vexation at my -having composed so brilliant a work as Rienzi for Dresden without -having specifically reserved the principal part for her. Yet the -magnanimity of her disposition triumphed even over this selfish -impulse: she loudly proclaimed me 'a genius,' and honoured me -with that special confidence which, she said, none but a genius -should enjoy. But when she invited me to become both the -accomplice and adviser in her really dreadful love affairs, this -confidence certainly began to have its risky side; nevertheless -there were at first occasions on which she openly proclaimed -herself before all the world as my friend, making most flattering -distinctions in my favour. - -First of all I had to accompany her on a trip to Leipzig, where -she was giving a concert for her mother's benefit, which she -thought to make particularly attractive by including in its -programme two selections from Rienzi--the aria of Adriano and the -hero's prayer (the latter sung by Tichatschek), and both under my -personal conductorship. Mendelssohn, who was also on very -friendly terms with her, had been enticed to this concert too, -and produced his overture to Ruy Blas, then quite new. It was -during the two busy days spent on this occasion in Leipzig that I -first came into close contact with him, all my previous knowledge -of him having been limited to a few rare and altogether -profitless visits. At the house of my brother-in-law, Fritz -Brockhaus, he and Devrient gave us a good deal of music, he -playing her accompaniment to a number of Schubert's songs. I here -became conscious of the peculiar unrest and excitement with which -this master of music, who, though still young, had already -reached the zenith of his fame and life's work, observed or -rather watched me. I could see clearly that he thought but little -of a success in opera, and that merely in Dresden. Doubtless I -seemed in his eyes one of a class of musicians to whom he -attached no value, and with whom he proposed to have no -intercourse. Nevertheless my success had certain characteristic -features, which gave it a more or less alarming aspect. -Mendelssohn's most ardent desire for a long time past had been to -write a successful opera, and it was possible he now felt annoyed -that, before he had succeeded in doing so, a triumph of this -nature should suddenly be thrust into his face with blunt -brutality, and based upon a style of music which he might feel -justified in regarding as poor. He probably found it no less -exasperating that Devrient, whose gifts he acknowledged, and who -was his own devoted admirer, should now so openly and loudly -sound my praises. These thoughts were dimly shaping themselves in -my mind, when Mendelssohn, by a very remarkable statement, drove -me, almost with violence, to adopt this interpretation. On our -way home together, after the joint concert rehearsal, I was -talking very warmly on the subject of music. Although by no means -a talkative man, he suddenly interrupted me with curiously hasty -excitement by the assertion that music had but one great fault, -namely, that more than any other art it stimulated not only our -good, but also our evil qualities, such, for instance, as -jealousy. I blushed with shame to have to apply this speech to -his own feelings towards me; for I was profoundly conscious of my -innocence of ever having dreamed, even in the remotest degree, of -placing my own talents or performances as a musician in -comparison with his. Yet, strange to say, at this very concert he -showed himself in a light by no means calculated to place him -beyond all possibility of comparison with myself. A rendering of -his Hebrides Overture would have placed him so immeasurably above -my two operatic airs, that all shyness at having to stand beside -him would have been spared me, as the gulf between our two -productions was impassable. But in his choice of the Ruy Blas -Overture he appears to have been prompted by a desire to place -himself on this occasion so close to the operatic style that its -effectiveness might be reflected upon his own work. The overture -was evidently calculated for a Parisian audience, and the -astonishment Mendelssohn caused by appearing in such a connection -was shown by Robert Schumann in his own ungainly fashion at its -close. Approaching the musician in the orchestra, he blandly, and -with a genial smile, expressed his admiration of the 'brilliant -orchestral piece' just played.. - -But in the interests of veracity let me not forget that neither -he nor I scored the real success of that evening. We were both -wholly eclipsed by the tremendous effect produced by the grey- -haired Sophie Schroder in a recitation of Burger's Lenore. While -the daughter had been taunted in the newspapers with unfairly -employing all sorts of musical attractions to cozen a benefit -concert out of the music lovers of Leipzig for a mother who never -had anything to do with that art, we, who were there as her -musical aiders and abettors, had to stand like so many idle -conjurers, while this aged and almost toothless dame declaimed -Burger's poem with truly terrifying beauty and grandeur. This -episode, like so much else that I saw during these few days, gave -me abundant food for thought and meditation. - -A second excursion, also undertaken with Devrient, took me in the -December of that year to Berlin, where the singer had been -invited to appear at a grand state concert. I for my part wanted -an interview with Director Kustner about the Fliegender -Hollander. Although I arrived at no definite result regarding my -own personal business, this short visit to Berlin was memorable -for my meeting with Franz Liszt, which afterwards proved of great -importance. It took place under singular circumstances, which -placed both him and me in a situation of peculiar embarrassment, -brought about in the most wanton fashion by Devrient's -exasperating caprice. - -I had already told my patroness the story of my earlier meeting -with Liszt. During that fateful second winter of my stay in -Paris, when I had at last been driven to be grateful for -Schlesinger's hack-work, I one day received word from Laube, who -always bore me in mind, that F. Liszt was coming to Paris. He had -mentioned and recommended me to him when he was in Germany, and -advised me to lose no time in looking him up, as he was -'generous,' and would certainly find means of helping me. As soon -as I heard that he had really arrived, I presented myself at the -hotel to see him. It was early in the morning. On my entrance I -found several strange gentlemen waiting in the drawing-room, -where, after some time, we were joined by Liszt himself, pleasant -and affable, and wearing his indoor coat. The conversation was -carried on in French, and turned upon his experiences during his -last professional journey in Hungary. As I was unable to take -part, on account of the language, I listened for some time, -feeling heartily bored, until at last he asked me pleasantly what -he could do for me. He seemed unable to recall Laube's -recommendation, and all the answer I could give was that I -desired to make his acquaintance. To this he had evidently no -objection, and informed me he would take care to have a ticket -sent me for his great matinee, which was to take place shortly. -My sole attempt to introduce an artistic theme of conversation -was a question as to whether he knew Lowe's Erlkonig as well as -Schubert's. His reply in the negative frustrated this somewhat -awkward attempt, and I ended my visit by giving him my address. -Thither his secretary, Belloni, presently sent me, with a few -polite words, a card of admission to a concert to be given -entirely by the master himself in the Salle Erard. I duly wended -my way to the overcrowded hall, and beheld the platform on which -the grand piano stood, closely beleaguered by the cream of -Parisian female society, and witnessed their enthusiastic -ovations of this virtuoso, who was at that time the wonder of the -world. Moreover, I heard several of his most brilliant pieces, -such as 'Variations on Robert le Diable,' but carried away with -me no real impression beyond that of being stunned. This took -place just at the time when I abandoned a path which had been -contrary to my truer nature, and had led me astray, and on which -I now emphatically turned my back in silent bitterness. I was -therefore in no fitting mood for a just appreciation of this -prodigy, who at that time was shining in the blazing light of -day, but from whom I had turned my face to the night. I went to -see Liszt no more. - -As already mentioned, I had given Devrient a bare outline of this -story, but she had noted it with particular attention, for I -happened to have touched her weak point of professional jealousy. -As Liszt had also been commanded by the King of Prussia to appear -at the grand state concert at Berlin, it so happened that the -first time they met Liszt questioned her with great interest -about the success of Rienzi. She thereupon observed that the -composer of that opera was an altogether unknown man, and -proceeded with curious malice to taunt him with his apparent lack -of penetration, as proved by the fact that the said composer, who -now so keenly excited his interest, was the very same poor -musician whom he had lately 'turned away so contemptuously' in -Paris. All this she told me with an air of triumph, which -distressed me very much, and I at once set to work to correct the -false impression conveyed by my former account. As we were still -debating this point in her room, we were startled by hearing from -the next the famous bass part in the 'Revenge' air from Donna -Anna, rapidly executed in octaves on the piano. 'That's Liszt -himself,' she cried. Liszt then entered the room to fetch her for -the rehearsal. To my great embarrassment she introduced me to him -with malicious delight as the composer of Rienzi, the man whose -acquaintance he now wished to make after having previously shown -him the door in his glorious Paris. My solemn asseverations that -my patroness--no doubt only in fun--was deliberately distorting -my account of my former visit to him, apparently pacified him so -far as I was concerned, and, on the other hand, he had no doubt -already formed his own opinion of the impulsive singer. He -certainly regretted that he could not remember my visit in Paris, -but it nevertheless shocked and alarmed him to learn that any one -should have had reason to complain of such treatment at his -hands. The hearty sincerity of Listz's simple words to me about -this misunderstanding, as contrasted with the strangely -passionate raillery of the incorrigible lady, made a most -pleasing and captivating impression upon me. The whole bearing of -the man, and the way in which he tried to ward off the pitiless -scorn of her attacks, was something new to me, and gave me a deep -insight into his character, so firm in its amiability and -boundless good-nature. Finally, she teased him about the Doctor's -degree which had just been conferred on him by the University of -Konigsberg, and pretended to mistake him for a chemist. At last -he stretched himself out flat on the floor, and implored her -mercy, declaring himself quite defenceless against the storm of -her invective. Then turning to me with a hearty assurance that he -would make it his business to hear Rienzi, and would in any case -endeavour to give me a better opinion of himself than his evil -star had hitherto permitted, we parted for that occasion. - -The almost naive simplicity and naturalness of his every phrase -and word, and particularly his emphatic manner, left a most -profound impression upon me. No one could fail to be equally -affected by these qualities, and I now realised for the first -time the almost magic power exerted by Liszt over all who came in -close contact with him, and saw how erroneous had been my former -opinion as to its cause. - -These two excursions to Leipzig and Berlin found but brief -interruptions of the period devoted at home to our study of the -Fliegender Hollander. It was therefore, of paramount importance -to me to maintain Schroder-Devrient's keen interest in her part, -since, in view of the weakness of the rest of the cast, I was -convinced that it was from her alone I could expect any adequate -interpretation of the spirit of my work. - -The part of Senta was essentially suited to her, and there were -just at that moment peculiar circumstances in her life which -brought her naturally emotional temperament to a high pitch of -tension. I was amazed when she confided to me that she was on the -point of breaking off a regular liaison of many years' standing, -to form, in passionate haste, another much less desirable one. -The forsaken lover, who was tenderly devoted to her, was a young -lieutenant in the Royal Guards, and the son of Muller, the ex- -Minister of Education; her new choice, whose acquaintance she had -formed on a recent visit to Berlin, was Herr von Munchhausen. He -was a tall, slim young man, and her predilection for him was -easily explained when I became more closely acquainted with her -love affairs. It seemed to me that the bestowal of her confidence -on me in this matter arose from her guilty conscience; she was -aware that Muller, whom I liked on account of his excellent -disposition, had loved her with the earnestness of a first love, -and also that she was now betraying him in the most faithless way -on a trivial pretext. She must have known that her new lover was -entirely unworthy of her, and that his intentions were frivolous -and selfish. She knew, too, that no one, and certainly none of -her older friends who knew her best, would approve of her -behaviour. She told me candidly that she had felt impelled to -confide in me because I was a genius, and would understand the -demands of her temperament. I hardly knew what to think. I was -repelled alike by her passion and the circumstances attending it; -but to my astonishment I had to confess that the infatuation, so -repulsive to me, held this strange woman in so powerful a grasp -that I could not refuse her a certain amount of pity, nay, even -real sympathy. - -She was pale and distraught, ate hardly anything, and her -faculties were subjected to a strain so extraordinary that I -thought she would not escape a serious, perhaps a fatal illness. -Sleep had long since deserted her, and whenever I brought her my -unlucky Fliegender Hollander, her looks so alarmed me that the -proposed rehearsal was the last thing I thought of. But in this -matter she insisted; she made me sit down at the piano, and then -plunged into the study of her role as if it were a matter of life -and death. She found the actual learning of the part very -difficult, and it was only by repeated and persevering rehearsal -that she mastered her task. She would sing for hours at a time -with such passion that I often sprang up in terror and begged her -to spare herself; then she would point smiling to her chest, and -expand the muscles of her still magnificent person, to assure me -that she was doing herself no harm. Her voice really acquired at -that time a youthful freshness and power of endurance. I had to -confess that which often astonished me: this infatuation for an -insipid nobody was very much to the advantage of my Senta. Her -courage under this intense strain was so great that, as time -pressed, she consented to have the general rehearsal on the very -day of the first performance, and a delay which would have been -greatly to my disadvantage was thus avoided. - -The performance took place on 2nd January, in the year 1843. Its -result was extremely instructive to me, and led to the turning- -point of my career. The, ill-success of the performance taught me -how much care and forethought were essential to secure the -adequate dramatic interpretation of my latest works. I realised -that I had more or less believed that my score would explain -itself, and that my singers would arrive at the right -interpretation of their own accord. My good old friend Wachter, -who at the time of Henriette Sontag's first success was a -favourite 'Barber of Seville,' had from the first discreetly -thought otherwise. Unfortunately, even Schroder-Devrient only saw -when the rehearsals were too far advanced how utterly incapable -Wachter was of realising the horror and supreme suffering of my -Mariner. His distressing corpulence, his broad fat face, the -extraordinary movements of his arms and legs, which he managed to -make look like mere stumps, drove my passionate Senta to despair. -At one rehearsal, when in the great scene in Act ii. she comes to -him in the guise of a guardian angel to bring the message of -salvation, she broke off to whisper despairingly in my ear, 'How -can I say it when I look into those beady eyes? Good God, Wagner, -what a muddle you have made!' I consoled her as well as I could, -and secretly placed my dependence on Herr von Munchhausen, who -promised faithfully to sit that evening in the front row of the -stalls, so that Devrient's eyes must fall on him. And the -magnificent performance of my great artiste, although she stood -horribly alone on the stage, did succeed in rousing enthusiasm in -the second act. The first act offered the audience nothing but a -dull conversation between Herr Wachter and that Herr Risse who -had invited me to an excellent glass of wine on the first night -of Rienzi, and in the third the loudest raging of the orchestra -did not rouse the sea from its dead calm nor the phantom ship in -its cautious rocking. The audience fell to wondering how I could -have produced this crude, meagre, and gloomy work after Rienzi, -in every act of which incident abounded, and Tichatschek shone in -an endless variety of costumes. - -As Schroder-Devrient soon left Dresden for a considerable time, -the Fliegender Hollander saw only four performances, at which the -diminishing audiences made it plain that I had not pleased -Dresden taste with it. The management was compelled to revive -Rienzi in order to maintain my prestige; and the triumph of this -opera compared with the failure of the Dutchman gave me food for -reflection. I had to admit, with some misgivings, that the -success of my Rienzi was not entirely due to the cast and -staging, although I was fully alive to the defects from which the -Fliegender Hollander suffered in this respect. Although Wachter -was far from realising my conception of the Fliegender Hollander -I could not conceal from myself the fact that Tichatschek was -quite as far removed from the ideal Rienzi. His abominable errors -and deficiencies in his presentation of the part had never -escaped me; he had never been able to lay aside his brilliant and -heroic leading-tenor manners in order to render that gloomy -demonic strain in Rienzi's temperament on which I had laid -unmistakable stress at the critical points of the drama. In the -fourth act, after the pronouncement of the curse, he fell on his -knees in the most melancholy fashion and abandoned himself to -bewailing his fate in piteous tones. When I suggested to him that -Rienzi, though inwardly despairing, must take up an attitude of -statuesque firmness before the world, he pointed out to me the -great popularity which the end of this very act had won as -interpreted by himself, with an intimation that he intended -making no change in it. - -And when I considered the real causes of the success of Rienzi, I -found that it rested on the brilliant and extraordinarily fresh -voice of the soaring, happy singer, in the refreshing effect of -the chorus and the gay movement and colouring on the stage. I -received a still more convincing proof of this when we divided -the opera into two, and found that the second part, which was the -more important from both the dramatic and the musical point of -view, was noticeably less well attended than the first, for the -very obvious reason, as I thought, that the ballet occurred in -the first part. My brother Julius, who had come over from Leipzig -for one of the performances of Rienzi, gave me a still more naive -testimony as to the real point of interest in the opera. I was -sitting with him in an open box, in full sight of the audience, -and had therefore begged him to desist from giving any applause, -even if directed only to the efforts of the singers; he -restrained himself all through the evening, but his enthusiasm at -a certain figure of the ballet was too much for him, and he -clapped loudly, to the great amusement of the audience, telling -me that he could not hold himself in any longer. Curiously -enough, this same ballet secured for Rienzi, which was otherwise -received with indifference, the enduring preference of the -present King of Prussia, [FOOTNOTE: William the First.]who many -years afterwards ordered the revival of this opera, although it -had utterly failed in arousing public interest by its merits as a -drama. - -I found, when I had to be present later on at a representation of -the same opera at Darmstadt, that while wholesale cuts had to be -made in its best parts, it had been found necessary to expand the -ballets by additions and repetitions. This ballet music, which I -had put together with contemptuous haste at Riga in a few days -without any inspiration, seemed to me, moreover, so strikingly -weak that I was thoroughly ashamed of it even in those days at -Dresden, when I had found myself compelled to suppress its best -feature, the tragic pantomime. Further, the resources of the -ballet in Dresden did not even admit of the execution of my stage -directions for the combat in the arena, nor for the very -significant round dances, both admirably carried out at a later -date in Berlin. I had to be content with the humiliating -substitution of a long, foolish step-dance by two insignificant -dancers, which was ended by a company of soldiers marching on, -bearing their shields on high so as to form a roof and remind the -audience of the Roman testudo; then the ballet-master with his -assistant, in flesh-coloured tights, leaped on to the shields and -turned somersaults, a proceeding which they thought was -reminiscent of the gladiatorial games. It was at this point that -the house was always moved to resounding applause, and I had to -own that this moment marked the climax of my success. - -I thus had my doubts as to the intrinsic divergence between my -inner aims and my outward success; at the same time a decisive -and fatal change in my fortunes was brought about by my -acceptance of the conductorship at Dresden, under circumstances -as perplexing in their way as those preceding my marriage. I had -met the negotiations which led up to this appointment with a -hesitation and a coolness by no means affected. I felt nothing -but scorn for theatrical life; a scorn that was by no means -lessened by a closer acquaintance with the apparently -distinguished ruling body of a court theatre, the splendours of -which only conceal, with arrogant ignorance, the humiliating -conditions appertaining to it and to the modern theatre in -general. I saw every noble impulse stifled in those occupied with -theatrical matters, and a combination of the vainest and most -frivolous interests maintained by a ridiculously rigid and -bureaucratic system; I was now fully convinced that the necessity -of handling the business of the theatre would be the most -distasteful thing I could imagine. Now that, through Rastrelli's -death, the temptation to be false to my inner conviction came to -me in Dresden, I explained to my old and trusted friends that I -did not think I should accept the vacant post. - -But everything calculated to shake human resolution combined -against this decision. The prospect of securing the means of -livelihood through a permanent position with a fixed salary was -an irresistible attraction. I combated the temptation by -reminding myself of my success as an operatic composer, which -might reasonably be expected to bring in enough to supply my -moderate requirements in a lodging of two rooms, where I could -proceed undisturbed with fresh compositions. I was told in answer -to this that my work itself would be better served by a fixed -position without arduous duties, as for a whole year since the -completion of the Fliegender Hollander I had not, under existing -circumstances, found any leisure at all for composition. I still -remained convinced that Rastrelli's post of musical director, in -subordination to the conductor, was unworthy of me, and I -declined to entertain the proposal, thus leaving the management -to look elsewhere for some one to fill the vacancy. - -There was therefore no further question of this particular post, -but I was then informed that the death of Morlacchi had left -vacant a court conductorship, and it was thought that the King -would be willing to offer me the post. My wife was very much -excited at this prospect, for in Germany the greatest value is -laid on these court appointments, which are tenable for life, and -the dazzling respectability pertaining to them is held out to -German musicians as the acme of earthly happiness. The offer -opened up for us in many directions the prospect of friendly -relations in a society which had hitherto been outside our -experience. Domestic comfort and social prestige were very -alluring to the homeless wanderers who, in bygone days of misery, -had often longed for the comfort and security of an assured and -permanent position such as was now open to them under the august -protection of the court. The influence of Caroline von Weber did -much in the long-run to weaken my opposition. I was often at her -house, and took great pleasure in her society, which brought back -to my mind very vividly the personality of my still dearly -beloved master. She begged me with really touching tenderness not -to withstand this obvious command of fate, and asserted her right -to ask me to settle in Dresden, to fill the place left sadly -empty by her husband's death. 'Just think,' she said, 'how can I -look Weber in the face again when I join him if I have to tell -him that the work for which he made such devoted sacrifices in -Dresden is neglected; just imagine my feelings when I see that -indolent Reissiger stand in my noble Weber's place, and when I -hear his operas produced more mechanically every year. If you -loved Weber, you owe it to his memory to step into his place and -to continue his work.' As an experienced woman of the world she -also pointed out energetically and prudently the practical side -of the matter, impressing on me the duty of thinking of my wife, -who would, in case of my death, be sufficiently provided for if I -accepted the post. - -The promptings of affection, prudence and good sense, however, -had less weight with me than the enthusiastic conviction, never -at any period of my life entirely destroyed, that wherever fate -led me, whether to Dresden or elsewhere, I should find the -opportunity which would convert my dreams into reality through -currents set in motion by some change in the everyday order of -events. All that was needed for this was the advent of an ardent -and aspiring soul who, with good luck to back him, might make up -for lost time, and by his ennobling influence achieve the -deliverance of art from her shameful bonds. The wonderful and -rapid change which had taken place in my fortunes could not fail -to encourage such a hope, and I was seduced on perceiving the -marked alteration that had taken place in the whole attitude of -Luttichau, the general director, towards me. This strange -individual showed me a kindliness of which no one would hitherto -have thought him capable, and that he was prompted by a genuine -feeling of personal benevolence towards me I could not help being -absolutely convinced, even at the time of my subsequent ceaseless -differences with him. - -Nevertheless, the decision came as a kind of surprise. On 2nd -February 1843 I was very politely invited to the director's -office, and there met the general staff of the royal orchestra, -in whose presence Luttichau, through the medium of my never-to- -be-forgotten friend Winkler, solemnly read out to me a royal -rescript appointing me forthwith conductor to his Majesty, with a -life salary of four thousand five hundred marks a year. Luttichau -followed the reading of this document by a more or less -ceremonious speech, in which he assumed that I should gratefully -accept the King's favour. At this polite ceremony it did not -escape my notice that all possibility of future negotiations over -the figure of the salary was cut off; on the other hand, a -substantial exemption in my favour, the omission of the -condition, enforced even on Weber in his time, of serving a -year's probation under the title of mere musical director, was -calculated to secure my unconditional acceptance. My new -colleagues congratulated me, and Luttichau accompanied me with -the politest phrases to my own door, where I fell into the arms -of my poor wife, who was giddy with delight. Therefore I fully -realised that I must put the best face I could on the matter, and -unless I wished to give unheard-of offence, I must even -congratulate myself on my appointment as royal conductor. - -A few days after taking the oath as a servant of the King in -solemn session, and undergoing the ceremony of presentation to -the assembled orchestra by means of an enthusiastic speech from -the general director, I was summoned to an audience with his -Majesty. When I saw the features of the kind, courteous, and -homely monarch, I involuntarily thought of my youthful attempt at -a political overture on the theme of Friedrich und Freiheit. Our -somewhat embarrassed conversation brightened with the King's -expression of his satisfaction with those two of my operas which -had been performed in Dresden. He expressed with polite -hesitation his feeling that if my operas left anything to be -desired, it was a clearer definition of the various characters in -my musical dramas. He thought the interest in the persons was -overpowered by the elemental forces figuring beside them--in -Hienzi the mob, in the Fliegender Hollander the sea. I thought I -understood his meaning perfectly, and this proof of his sincere -sympathy and original judgment pleased me very much. He also made -his excuses in advance for a possible rare attendance at my -operas on his part, his sole reason for this being that he had a -peculiar aversion from theatre-going, as the result of one of the -rules of his early training, under which he and his brother John, -who had acquired a similar aversion, were for a long time -compelled regularly to attend the theatre, when he, to tell the -truth, would often have preferred to be left alone to follow his -own pursuits independent of etiquette. - -As a characteristic instance of the courtier spirit, I afterwards -learned that Luttichau, who had had to wait for me in the -anteroom during this audience, had been very much put out by its -long duration. In the whole course of my life I was only admitted -twice more to personal intercourse and speech with the good King. -The first occasion was when I presented him with the dedication -copy of the pianoforte score of my Rienzi; and the second was -after my very successful arrangement and performance of the -Iphigenia in Aulis, by Gluck, of whose operas he was particularly -fond, when he stopped me in the public promenade and -congratulated me on my work. - -That first audience with the King marked the zenith of my hastily -adopted career at Dresden; thenceforward anxiety reasserted -itself in manifold ways. I very quickly realised the difficulties -of my material situation, since it soon became evident that the -advantage won by new exertions and my present appointment bore no -proportion to the heavy sacrifices and obligations which I -incurred as soon as I entered on an independent career. The young -musical director of Riga, long since forgotten, suddenly -reappeared in an astonishing reincarnation as royal conductor to -the King of Saxony. The first-fruits of the universal estimate of -my good fortune took the shape of pressing creditors and threats -of prosecution; next followed demands from the Konigsberg -tradesmen, from whom I had escaped from Riga by means of that -horribly wretched and miserable flight. I also heard from people -in the most distant parts, who thought they had some claim on me, -dating even from my student, nay, my school days, until at last I -cried out in my astonishment that I expected to receive a bill -next from the nurse who had suckled me. All this did not amount -to any very large sum, and I merely mention it because of the -ill-natured rumours which, I learned years later, had been spread -abroad about the extent of my debts at that time. Out of three -thousand marks, borrowed at interest from Schroder-Devrient, I -not only paid these debts, but also fully compensated the -sacrifices which Kietz had made on my behalf, without ever -expecting any return, in the days of my poverty in Paris. I was, -moreover, able to be of practical use to him. But where was I to -find even this sum, as my distress had hitherto been so great -that I was obliged to urge Schroder-Devrient to hurry on the -rehearsals of the Fliegender Hollander by pointing out to her the -enormous importance to me of the fee for the performance? I had -no allowance for the expenses of my establishment in Dresden, -though it had to be suitable for my position as royal conductor, -nor even for the purchase of a ridiculous and expensive court -uniform, so that there would have been no possibility of my -making a start at all, as I had no private means, unless I -borrowed money at interest. - -But no one who knew of the extraordinary success of Rienzi at -Dresden could help believing in an immediate and remunerative -rage for my operas on the German stage. My own relatives, even -the prudent Ottilie, were so convinced of it that they thought I -might safely count on at least doubling my salary by the receipts -from my operas. At the very beginning the prospects did indeed -seem bright; the score of my Fliegender Hollander was ordered by -the Royal Theatre at Cassel and by the Riga theatre, which I had -known so well in the old days, because they were anxious to -perform something of mine at an early date, and had heard that -this opera was on a smaller scale, and made smaller demands on -the stage management, than Rienzi. In May, 1843 I heard good -reports of the success of the performances from both those -places. But this was all for the time being, and a whole year -went by without the smallest inquiry for any of my scores. An -attempt was made to secure me some benefit by the publication of -the pianoforte score of the Fliegender Hollander, as I wanted to -reserve Rienzi, after the successes it had gained, as useful -capital for a more favourable opportunity; but the plan was -spoilt by the opposition of Messrs. Hartel of Leipzig, who, -although ready enough to publish my opera, would only do so on -the condition that I abstained from asking any payment for it. - -So I had, for the present, to content myself with the moral -satisfaction of my successes, of which my unmistakable popularity -with the Dresden public, and the respect and attention paid to -me, formed part. But even in this respect my Utopian dreams were -destined to be disturbed. I think that my appearance at Dresden -marked the beginning of a new era in journalism and criticism, -which found food for its hitherto but slightly developed vitality -in its vexation at my success. The two gentlemen I have already -mentioned, C. Bank and J. Schladebach, had, as I now know, first -taken up their regular abode in Dresden at that time; I know that -when difficulties were raised about the permanence of Bank's -appointment, they were waived, owing to the testimonials and -recommendation of my present colleague Reissiger. The success of -my Rienzi had been the source of great annoyance to these -gentlemen, who were now established as musical critics to the -Dresden press, because I made no effort to win their favour; they -were not ill-pleased, therefore, to find an opportunity of -pouring out the vitriol of their hatred over the universally -popular young musician who had won the sympathy of the kindly -public, partly on account of the poverty and ill-luck which had -hitherto been his lot. The need for any kind of human -consideration had suddenly vanished with my 'unheard-of' -appointment to the royal conductorship. Now 'all was well with -me,' 'too well,' in fact; and envy found its congenial food; this -provided a perfectly clear and comprehensible point of attack; -and soon there spread through the German press, in the columns -given to Dresden news, an estimate of me which has never -fundamentally changed, except in one point, to this day. This -single modification, which was purely temporary and confined to -papers of one political colour, occurred on my first settlement -as a political refugee in Switzerland, but lasted only until, -through Liszt's exertions, my operas began to be produced all -over Germany, in spite of my exile. The orders from two theatres, -immediately after the Dresden performance, for one of my scores, -were merely due to the fact that up to that time the activity of -my journalistic critics was still limited. I put down the -cessation of all inquiries, certainly not without due -justification, mainly to the effect of the false and calumnious -reports in the papers. - -My old friend Laube tried, indeed, to undertake my defence in the -press. On New Year's Day, 1843 he resumed the editorship of the -Zeitung fur die Elegante Welt, and asked me to provide him with a -biographical notice of myself for the first number. It evidently -gave him great pleasure to present me thus in triumph to the -literary world, and in order to give the subject more prominence -he added a supplement to that number in the shape of a lithograph -reproduction of my portrait by Kietz. But after a time even he -became anxious and confused in his judgment of my works, when he -saw the systematic and increasingly virulent detraction, -depreciation, and scorn to which they were subjected. He -confessed to me later that he had never imagined such a desperate -position as mine against the united forces of journalism could -possibly exist, and when he heard my view of the question, he -smiled and gave me his blessing, as though I were a lost soul. - -Moreover, a change was observable in the attitude of those -immediately connected with me in my work, and this provided very -acceptable material for the journalistic campaign. I had been -led, though by no ambitious impulse, to ask to be allowed to -conduct the performances of my own works. I found that at every -performance of Rienzi Reissiger became more negligent in his -conducting, and that the whole production was slipping back into -the old familiar, expressionless, and humdrum performance; and as -my appointment was already mooted, I had asked permission to -conduct the sixth performance of my work in person. I conducted -without having held a single rehearsal, and without any previous -experience, at the head of the Dresden orchestra. The performance -went splendidly; singers and orchestra were inspired with new -life, and everybody was obliged to admit that this was the finest -performance of Rienzi that had yet been given. The rehearsing and -con-ducting of the Fliegender Hollander were willingly handed -over to me, because Reissiger was overwhelmed with work, in -consequence of the death of the musical director, Rastrelli. In -addition to this I was asked to conduct Weber's Euryanthe, by way -of providing a direct proof of my capacity to interpret scores -other than my own. Apparently everybody was pleased, and it was -the tone of this performance that made Weber's widow so anxious -that I should accept the Dresden conductorship; she declared that -for the first time since her husband's death she had heard his -work correctly interpreted, both in expression and time. - -Thereupon, Reissiger, who would have preferred to have a musical -director under him, but had received instead a colleague on an -equal footing, felt himself aggrieved by my appointment. Though -his own indolence would have inclined him to the side of peace -and a good understanding with me, his ambitious wife took care to -stir up his fear of me. This never led to an openly hostile -attitude on his part, but I noticed certain indiscretions in the -press from that time onwards, which showed me that the -friendliness of my colleague, who never talked to me without -first embracing me, was not of the most honourable type. - -I also received a quite unexpected proof that I had attracted the -bitter envy of another man whose sentiments I had no reason to -suspect. This was Karl Lipinsky, a celebrated violinist in his -day, who had for many years led the Dresden orchestra. He was a -man of ardent temperament and original talent, but of incredible -vanity, which his emotional, suspicious Polish temperament -rendered dangerous. I always found him annoying, because however -inspiring and instructive his playing was as to the technical -execution of the violinists, he was certainly ill-fitted to be -the leader of a first-class orchestra. This extraordinary person -tried to justify Director Luttichau's praise of his playing, -which could always be heard above the rest of the orchestra; he -came in a little before the other violins; he was a leader in a -double sense, as he was always a little ahead. He acted in much -the same way with regard to expression, marking his slight -variations in the piano passages with fanatical precision. It was -useless to talk to him about it, as nothing but the most skilful -flattery had any effect on him. So I had to endure it as best I -could, and to think out ways and means of diminishing its ill -effects on the orchestral performances as a whole by having -recourse to the most polite circumlocutions. Even so he could not -endure the higher estimation in which the performances of the -orchestra under my conductorship were held, because he thought -that the playing of an orchestra in which he was the leader must -invariably be excellent, whoever stood at the conductor's desk. -Now it happened, as is always the case when a new man with fresh -ideas is installed in office, that the members of the orchestra -came to me with the most varied suggestions for improvements -which had hitherto been neglected; and Lipinsky, who was already -annoyed about this, turned a certain case of this kind to a -peculiarly treacherous use. One of the oldest contrabassists had -died. Lipinsky urged me to arrange that the post should not be -filled in the usual way by promotion from the ranks of our own -orchestra, but should be given, on his recommendation, to a -distinguished and skilful contrabassist from Darmstadt named -Muller. When the musician whose rights of seniority were thus -threatened, appealed to me, I kept my promise to Lipinsky, -explained my views about the abuses of promotion by seniority, -and declared that, in accordance with my sworn oath to the King, -I held it my paramount duty to consider the maintenance of the -artistic interests of the institution before everything else. I -then found to my great astonishment, though it was foolish of me -to be surprised, that the whole of the orchestra turned upon me -as one man, and when the occasion arose for a discussion between -Lipinsky and myself as to his own numerous grievances, he -actually accused me of having threatened, by my remarks in the -contrabassist case, to undermine the well-established rights of -the members of the orchestra, whose welfare it was my duty to -protect. Luttichau, who was on the point of absenting himself -from Dresden for some time, was extremely uneasy, as Reissiger -was away on his holiday, at leaving musical affairs in such a -dangerous state of unrest. The deceit and impudence of which I -had been the victim was a revelation to me, and I gathered from -this experience the calm sense necessary to set the harassed -director at ease by the most conclusive assurances that I -understood the people with whom I had to deal, and would act -accordingly. I faithfully kept my word, and never again came into -collision either with Lipinsky or any other member of the -orchestra. On the contrary, all the musicians were soon so firmly -attached to me that I could always pride myself on their -devotion. - -From that day forward, however, one thing at least was certain, -namely, that I should not die as conductor at Dresden. My post -and my work at Dresden thenceforward became a burden, of which -the occasionally excellent results of my efforts made me all the -more sensible. - -My position at Dresden, however, brought me one friend whose -intimate relations with me long survived our artistic -collaboration in Dresden. A musical director was assigned to each -conductor; he had to be a musician of repute, a hard worker, -adaptable, and, above all, a Catholic, for the two conductors -were Protestants, a cause of much annoyance to the clergy of the -Catholic cathedral, numerous positions in which had to be filled -from the orchestra. August Rockel, a nephew of Hummel, who sent -in his application for this position from Weimar, furnished -evidence of his suitability under all these heads. He belonged to -an old Bavarian family; his father was a singer, and had sung the -part of Florestan at the time of the first production of -Beethoven's Fidelio, and had himself remained on terms on close -intimacy with the Master, many details about whose life have been -preserved through his care. His subsequent position as a teacher -of singing led him to take up theatrical management, and he -introduced German opera to the Parisians with so much success, -that the credit for the popularity of Fidelio and Der Freischutz -with French audiences, to whom these works were quite unknown, -must be awarded to his admirable enterprise, which was also -responsible for Schroder-Devrient's debut in Paris. August -Rockel, his son, who was still a young man, by helping his father -in these and similar undertakings, had gained practical -experience as a musician. As his father's business had for some -time even extended to England, August had won practical knowledge -of all sorts by contact with many men and things, and in addition -had learned French and English. But music had remained his chosen -vocation, and his great natural talent justified the highest -hopes of success. He was an excellent pianist, read scores with -the utmost ease, possessed an exceptionally fine ear, and had -indeed every qualification for a practical musician. As a -composer he was actuated, not so much by a strong impulse to -create, as the desire to show what he was capable of; the success -at which he aimed was to gain the reputation of a clever operatic -composer rather than recognition as a distinguished musician, and -he hoped to obtain his end by the production of popular works. -Actuated by this modest ambition he had completed an opera, -Farinelli, for which he had also written the libretto, with no -other aspiration than that of attaining the same reputation as -his brother-in-law Lortzing. - -He brought this score to me, and begged me--it was his first -visit before he had heard one of my operas in Dresden--to play -him something from Rienzi and the Fliegender Hollander. His -frank, agreeable personality induced me to try and meet his -wishes as far as I could; and I am convinced that I soon made -such a great and unexpectedly powerful impression on him that -from that moment he determined not to bother me further with the -score of his opera. It was not until we had become more intimate -and had discovered mutual personal interests, that the desire of -turning his work to account induced him to ask me to show my -practical friendship by turning my attention to his score. I made -various suggestions as to how it might be improved, but he was -soon so hopelessly disgusted with his own work that he put it -absolutely aside, and never again felt seriously moved to -undertake a similar task. On making a closer acquaintance with my -completed operas and plans for new works, he declared to me that -he felt it his vocation to play the part of spectator, to be my -faithful helper and the interpreter of my new ideas, and, as far -as in him lay, to remove entirely, and at all events to relieve -me as far as possible from, all the unpleasantnesses of my -official position and of my dealings with the outside world. He -wished, he said, to avoid placing himself in the ridiculous -position of composing operas of his own while living on terms of -close friendship with me. - -Nevertheless, I tried to urge him to turn his own talent to -account, and to this end called his attention to several plots -which I wished him to work out. Among these was the idea -contained in a small French drama entitled Cromwell's Daughter, -which was subsequently used as the subject for a sentimental -pastoral romance, and for the elaboration of which I presented -him with an exhaustive plan. - -But in the end all my efforts remained fruitless, and it became -evident that his productive talent was feeble. This perhaps arose -partly from his extremely needy and trying domestic -circumstances, which were such that the poor fellow wore himself -out to support his wife and numerous growing children. Indeed, he -claimed my help and sympathy in quite another fashion than by -arousing my interest in his artistic development. He was -unusually clear-headed, and possessed a rare capacity for -teaching and educating himself in every branch of knowledge and -experience; he was, moreover, so genuinely true and good-hearted -that he soon became my intimate friend and comrade. He was, and -continued to be, the only person who really appreciated the -singular nature of my position towards the surrounding world, and -with whom I could fully and sincerely discuss the cares and -sorrows arising therefrom. What dreadful trials and experiences, -what painful anxieties our common fate was to bring upon us, will -soon be seen. - -The earlier period of my establishment in Dresden brought me also -another devoted and lifelong friend, though his qualities were -such that he exerted a less decisive influence upon my career. -This was a young physician, named Anton Pusinelli, who lived near -me. He seized the occasion of a serenade sung in honour of my -thirtieth birthday by the Dresden Glee Club to express to me -personally his hearty and sincere attachment. We soon entered -upon a quiet friendship from which we derived a mutual benefit. -He became my attentive family doctor, and during my residence in -Dresden, marked as it was by accumulating difficulties, he had -abundant opportunities of helping me. His financial position was -very good, and his ready self-sacrifice enabled him to give me -substantial succour and bound me to him by many heartfelt -obligations. - -A further development of my association with Dresden buddy was -provided by the kindly advances of Chamberlain von Konneritz's -family. His wife, Marie von Konneritz (nee Fink), was a friend of -Countess Ida Hahn-Hahn, and expressed her appreciation of my -success as a composer with great warmth, I might almost say, with -enthusiasm. I was often invited to their house, and seemed -likely, through this family, to be brought into touch with the -higher aristocracy of Dresden. I merely succeeded in touching the -fringe, however, as we really had nothing in common. True, I here -made the acquaintance of Countess Rossi, the famous Sontag, by -whom, to my genuine astonishment, I was most heartily greeted, -and I thereby obtained the right of afterwards approaching her in -Berlin with a certain degree of familiarity. The curious way in -which I was disillusioned about this lady on that occasion will -be related in due course. I would only mention here that, through -my earlier experiences of the world, I had become fairly -impervious to deception, and my desire for closer acquaintance -with these circles speedily gave way to a complete hopelessness -and an entire lack of ease in their sphere of life. - -Although the Konneritz couple remained friendly during the whole -of my prolonged sojourn in Dresden, yet the connection had not -the least influence either upon my development or my position. -Only once, on the occasion of a quarrel between Luttichau and -myself, the former observed that Frau von Konneritz, by her -unmeasured praises, had turned my head and made me forget my -position towards him. But in making this taunt he forgot that, if -any woman in the higher ranks of Dresden society had exerted a -real and invigorating influence upon my inward pride, that woman -was his own wife, Ida von Luttichau (nee von Knobelsdorf). - -The power which this cultured, gentle, and distinguished lady -exercised over my life was of a kind I now experienced for the -first time, and might have become of great importance had I been -favoured with more frequent and intimate intercourse. But it was -less her position as wife of the general director than her -constant ill-health and my own peculiar unwillingness to appear -obtrusive, that hindered our meeting, except at rare intervals. -My recollections of her merge somewhat, in my memory, with those -of my own sister Rosalie. I remember the tender ambition which -inspired me to win the encouraging sympathy of this sensitive -woman, who was painfully wasting away amid the coarsest -surroundings. My earliest hope for the fulfilment of this -ambition arose from her appreciation of my Fliegender Hollander, -in spite of the fact that, following close upon Rienzi, it had so -puzzled the Dresden public. In this way she was the first, so to -speak, who swam against the tide and met me upon my new path. So -deeply was I touched by this conquest that, when I afterwards -published the opera, I dedicated it to her. In the account of my -later years in Dresden I shall have more to record of the warm -sympathy for my new development and dearest artistic aims for -which I was indebted to her. But of real intercourse we had none, -and the character of my Dresden life was not affected by this -acquaintance, otherwise so important in itself. - -On the other hand, my theatrical acquaintances thrust themselves -with irresistible importunancy into the wide foreground of my -life, and in fact, after my brilliant successes, I was still -restricted to the same limited and familiar sphere in which I had -prepared myself for these triumphs. Indeed, the only one who -joined my old friends Heine and Gaffer Fischer was Tichatschek, -with his strange domestic circle. Any one who lived in Dresden at -that time and chanced to know the court lithographer, Furstenau, -will be astonished to hear that, without really being aware of it -myself, I entered into a familiarity that was to prove a lasting -one with this man who was an intimate friend of Tichatschek's. -The importance of this singular connection may be judged from the -fact that my complete withdrawal from him coincided exactly with -the collapse of my civic position in Dresden. - -My good-humoured acceptance of election to the musical committee -of the Dresden Glee Club also brought me further chance -acquaintances. This club consisted of a limited number of young -merchants and officials, who had more taste for any kind of -convivial entertainment than for music. But it was seduously kept -together by a remarkable and ambitious man, Professor Lowe, who -nursed it with special objects in view, for the attainment of -which he felt the need of an authority such as I possessed at -that time in Dresden. - -Among other aims he was particularly and chiefly concerned in -arranging for the transfer of Weber's remains from London to -Dresden. As this project was one which interested me also, I lent -him my support, though he was in reality merely following the -voice of personal ambition. He furthermore desired, as head of -the Glee Club--which, by the way, from the point of view of music -was quite worthless--to invite all the male choral unions of -Saxony to a great gala performance in Dresden. A committee was -appointed for the execution of this plan, and as things soon -became pretty warm, Lowe turned it into a regular revolutionary -tribunal, over which, as the great day of triumph approached, he -presided day and night without resting, and by his furious zeal -earned from me the nickname of 'Robespierre.' - -In spite of the fact that I had been placed at the head of this -enterprise, I luckily managed to evade his terrorism, as I was -fully occupied with a great composition promised for the -festival. The task had been assigned to me of writing an -important piece for male voices only, which, if possible, should -occupy half an hour. I reflected that the tiresome monotony of -male singing, which even the orchestra could only enliven to a -slight extent, can only be endured by the introduction of -dramatic themes. I therefore designed a great choral scene, -selecting the apostolic Pentecost with the outpouring of the Holy -Ghost as its subject. I completely avoided any real solos, but -worked out the whole in such a way that it should be executed by -detached choral masses according to requirement. Out of this -composition arose my Liebesmahl der Apostel ('Lovefeast of the -Apostles'), which has recently been performed in various places. - -As I was obliged at all costs to finish it within a limited time, -I do not mind including this in the list of my uninspired -compositions. But I was not displeased with it when it was done, -more especially when it was played at the rehearsals given by the -Dresden choral societies under my personal supervision. When, -therefore, twelve hundred singers from all parts of Saxony -gathered around me in the Frauenkirche, where the performance -took place, I was astonished at the comparatively feeble effect -produced upon my ear by this colossal human tangle of sounds. The -conclusion at which I arrived was, that these enormous choral -undertakings are folly, and I never again felt inclined to repeat -the experiment. - -It was with much difficulty that I shook myself free of the -Dresden Glee Club, and I only succeeded in doing so by -introducing to Professor Lowe another ambitious man in the person -of Herr Ferdinand Hiller. My most glorious exploit in connection -with this association was the transfer of Weber's ashes, of which -I will speak later on, though it occurred at an earlier date. I -will only refer now to another commissioned composition which, as -royal bandmaster, I was officially commanded to produce. On the -7th of June of this year (1843) the statue of King Frederick -Augustus by Rietschl was unveiled in the Dresden Zwinger -[Footnote: This is the name by which the famous Dresden Art -Galleries are known.--Editor.] with all due pomp and ceremony. In -honour of this event I, in collaboration with Mendelssohn, was -commanded to compose a festal song, and to conduct the gala -performance. I had written a simple song for male voices of -modest design, whereas to Mendelssohn had been assigned the more -complicated task of interweaving the National Anthem (the English -'God Save the King,' which in Saxony is called Heil Dir im -Rautenkranz) into the male chorus he had to compose. This he had -effected by an artistic work in counterpoint, so arranged that -from the first eight beats of his original melody the brass -instruments simultaneously played the Anglo-Saxon popular air. My -simpler song seems to have sounded very well from a distance, -whereas I understood that Mendelssohn's daring combination quite -missed its effect, because no one could understand why the -vocalists did not sing the same air as the wind instruments were -playing. Nevertheless Mendelssohn, who was present, left me a -written expression of thanks for the pains I had taken in the -production of his composition. I also received a gold snuff-box -from the grand gala committee, presumably meant as a reward for -my male chorus, but the hunting scene which was engraved on the -top was so badly done that I found, to my surprise, that in -several places the metal was cut through. - -Amid all the distractions of this new and very different mode of -life, I diligently strove to concentrate and steel my soul -against these influences, bearing in mind my experiences of -success in the past. By May of my thirtieth year I had finished -my poem Der Venusberg ('The Mount of Venus'), as I called -Tannhauser at that time. I had not yet by any means gained any -real knowledge of mediaeval poetry. The classical side of the -poetry of the Middle Ages had so far only faintly dawned upon me, -partly from my youthful recollections, and partly from the brief -acquaintance I had made with it through Lehrs' instruction in -Paris. - -Now that I was secure in the possession of a royal appointment -that would last my lifetime, the establishment of a permanent -domestic hearth began to assume great importance; for I hoped it -would enable me to take up my serious studies once more, and in -such a way as to make them productive--an aim which my theatrical -life and the miseries of my years in Paris had rendered -impossible. My hope of being able to do this was strengthened by -the character of my official employment, which was never very -arduous, and in which I met with exceptional consideration from -the general management. Though I had only held my appointment for -a few months, yet I was given a holiday this first summer, which -I spent in a second visit to Toplitz, a place which I had grown -to like, and whither I had sent on my wife in advance. - -Keenly indeed did I appreciate the change in my position since -the preceding year. I could now engage four spacious and well- -appointed rooms in the same house--the Eiche at Schonau--where I -had before lived in such straitened and frugal circumstances. I -invited my sister Clara to pay us a visit, and also my good -mother, whose gout necessitated her taking the Toplitz baths -every year. I also seized the opportunity of drinking the mineral -waters, which I hoped might have a beneficial effect on the -gastric troubles from which I had suffered ever since my -vicissitudes in Paris. Unfortunately the attempted cure had a -contrary effect, and when I complained of the painful irritation -produced, I learned that my constitution was not adapted for -water cures. In fact, on my morning promenade, and while drinking -my water, I had been observed to race through the shady alleys of -the adjacent Thurn Gardens, and it was pointed out to me that -such a cure could only be properly wrought by leisurely calm and -easy sauntering. It was also remarked that I usually carried -about a fairly stout volume, and that, armed with this and my -bottle of mineral water, I used to take rest in lonely places. - -This book was J. Grimm's German Mythology. All who know the work -can understand how the unusual wealth of its contents, gathered -from every side, and meant almost exclusively for the student, -would react upon me, whose mind was everywhere seeking for -something definite and distinct. Formed from the scanty fragments -of a perished world, of which scarcely any monuments remained -recognisable and intact, I here found a heterogeneous building, -which at first glance seemed but a rugged rock clothed in -straggling brambles. Nothing was finished, only here and there -could the slightest resemblance to an architectonic line be -traced, so that I often felt tempted to relinquish the thankless -task of trying to build from such materials. And yet I was -enchained by a wondrous magic. The baldest legend spoke to me of -its ancient home, and soon my whole imagination thrilled with -images; long-lost forms for which I had sought so eagerly shaped -themselves ever more and more clearly into realities that lived -again. There rose up soon before my mind a whole world of -figures, which revealed themselves as so strangely plastic and -primitive, that, when I saw them clearly before me and heard -their voices in my heart, I could not account for the almost -tangible familiarity and assurance of their demeanour. The effect -they produced upon the inner state of my soul I can only describe -as an entire rebirth. Just as we feel a tender joy over a child's -first bright smile of recognition, so now my own eyes flashed -with rapture as I saw a world, revealed, as it were, by miracle, -in which I had hitherto moved blindly as the babe in its mother's -womb. - -But the result of this reading did not at first do much to help -me in my purpose of composing part of the Tannhauser music. I had -had a piano put in my room at the Eiche, and though I smashed all -its strings, nothing satisfactory would emerge. With much pain -and toil I sketched the first outlines of my music for the -Venusberg, as fortunately I already had its theme in my mind. -Meanwhile I was very much troubled by excitability and rushes of -blood to the brain. I imagined I was ill, and lay for whole days -in bed, where I read Grimm's German legends, or tried to master -the disagreeable mythology. It was quite a relief when I hit upon -the happy thought of freeing myself from the torments of my -condition by an excursion to Prague. Meanwhile I had already -ascended Mount Millischau once with my wife, and in her company I -now made the journey to Prague in an open carriage. There I -stayed once more at my favourite inn, the Black Horse, met my -friend Kittl, who had now grown fat and rotund, made various -excursions, revelled in the curious antiquities of the old city, -and learned to my joy that the two lovely friends of my youth, -Jenny and Auguste Pachta, had been happily married to members of -the highest aristocracy. Thereupon, having reassured myself that -everything was in the best possible order, I returned to Dresden -and resumed my functions as musical conductor to the King of -Saxony. - -We now set to work on the preparations and furnishing of a roomy -and well-situated house in the Ostra Allee, with an outlook upon -the Zwinger. Everything was good and substantial, as is only -right for a man of thirty who is settling down at last for the -whole of his life. As I had not received any subsidy towards this -outlay, I had naturally to raise the money by loan. But I could -look forward to a certain harvest from my operatic successes in -Dresden, and what was more natural than for me to expect soon to -earn more than enough? The three most valued treasures which -adorned my house were a concert grand piano by Breitkopf and -Hartel, which I had bought with much pride; a stately writing- -desk, now in possession of Otto Kummer, the chamber-music artist; -and the title-page by Cornelius for the Nibelungen, in a handsome -Gothic frame--the only object which has remained faithful to me -to the present day. But the thing which above all else made my -house seem homelike and attractive was the presence of a library, -which I procured in accordance with a systematic plan laid down -by my proposed line of study. On the failure of my Dresden career -this library passed in a curious way into the possession of Herr -Heinrich Brockhaus, to whom at that time I owed fifteen hundred -marks, and who took it as security for the amount. My wife knew -nothing at the time of this obligation, and I never afterwards -succeeded in recovering this characteristic collection from his -hands. Upon its shelves old German literature was especially well -represented, and also the closely related work of the German -Middle Ages, including many a costly volume, as, for instance, -the rare old work, Romans des douze Paris. Beside these stood -many excellent historical works on the Middle Ages, as well as on -the German people in general. At the same time I made provision -for the poetical and classical literature of all times and -languages. Among these were the Italian poets, Shakespeare and -the French writers, of whose language I had a passable knowledge. -All these I acquired in the original, hoping some day to find -time to master their neglected tongues. As for the Greek and -Roman classics, I had to content myself with standard German -translations. Indeed, on looking once more into my Homer--whom I -secured in the original Greek--I soon recognised that I should be -presuming on more leisure than my conductorship was likely to -leave me, if I hoped to find time for regaining my lost knowledge -of that language. Moreover, I provided most thoroughly for a -study of universal history, and to this end did not fail to equip -myself with the most voluminous works. Thus armed, I thought I -could bid defiance to all the trials which I clearly foresaw -would inevitably accompany my calling and position. In hopes, -therefore, of long and peaceable enjoyment of this hard-earned -home, I entered into possession with the best of spirits in -October of this year (1843), and though my conductor's quarters -were by no means magnificent, they were stately and substantial. - -The first leisure in my new home which I could snatch from the -claims of my profession and my favourite studies was devoted to -the composition of Tannhauser, the first act of which was -completed in January of the new year, 1844. I have no -recollections of any importance regarding my activities in -Dresden during this winter. The only memorable events were two -enterprises which took me away from home, the first to Berlin -early in the year, for the production of my Fliegender Hollander, -and the other in March to Hamburg for Rienzi. - -Of these the former made the greater impression upon my mind. The -manager of the Berlin theatre, Kustner, quite took me by surprise -when he announced the first performance of the Fliegender -Hollander for an early date. - -As the opera house had been burnt down only about a year before, -and could not possibly have been rebuilt, it had not occurred to -me to remind them about the production of my opera. It had been -performed in Dresden with very poor scenic accessories, and -knowing how important a careful and artistic execution of the -difficult scenery was for my dramatic sea-scapes, I had relied -implicitly on the admirable management and staging capacities of -the Berlin opera house. Consequently I was very much annoyed that -the Berlin manager should select my opera as a stopgap to be -produced at the Comedy Theatre, which was being used as a -temporary opera house. All remonstrances proved useless, for I -learned that they were not merely thinking about rehearsing the -work, but that it was already actually being rehearsed, and would -be produced in a few days. It was obvious that this arrangement -meant that my opera was to be condemned to quite a short run in -their repertoire, as it was not to be expected that they would -remount it when the new opera house was opened. On the other -hand, they tried to appease me by saying that this first -production of the Fliegender Hollander was to be associated with -a special engagement of Schroder-Devrient, which was to begin in -Berlin immediately. They naturally thought I should be delighted -to see the great actress in my own work. But this only confirmed -me in the suspicion that this opera was simply wanted as a -makeshift for the duration of Schroder-Devrient's visit. They -were evidently in a dilemma with regard to her repertoire, which -consisted mainly of so-called grand operas--such as Meyerbeer's-- -destined exclusively for the opera house, and which were being -specially reserved for the brilliant future of the new building. -I therefore realised beforehand that my Fliegender Hollander was -to be relegated to the category of conductor's operas, and would -meet with the usual predestined fate of such productions. The -whole treatment meted out to me and my works all pointed in the -same direction; but in consideration of the expected co-operation -of Schroder-Devrient I fought against these vexatious -premonitions, and set out for Berlin to do all I could for the -success of my opera. I saw at once that my presence was very -necessary. I found the conductor's desk occupied by a man calling -himself Conductor Henning (or Henniger), an official who had won -promotion from the ranks of ordinary musicians by an upright -observance of the laws of seniority, but who knew precious little -about conducting an orchestra at all, and about my opera had not -the faintest glimmer of an idea. I took my seat at the desk, and -conducted one full rehearsal and two performances, in neither of -which, however, did Schroder-Devrient take part. Although I found -much to complain of in the weakness of the string instruments and -the consequent mean sound of the orchestra, yet I was well -satisfied with the actors both as regards their capacity and -their zeal. The careful staging, moreover, which under the -supervision of the really gifted stage manager, Blum, and with -the co-operation of his skilful and ingenious mechanics, was -truly excellent, gave me a most pleasant surprise. - -I was now very curious to learn what effect these pleasing and -encouraging preparations would have upon the Berlin public when -the full performance took place. My experiences on this point -were very curious. Apparently the only thing that interested the -large audience was to discover my weak points. During the first -act the prevalent opinion seemed to be that I belonged to the -category of bores. Not a single hand was moved, and I was -afterwards informed that this was fortunate, as the slightest -attempt at applause would have been ascribed to a paid claque, -and would have been energetically opposed. Kustner alone assured -me that the composure with which, on the close of this act, I -quitted my desk and appeared before the curtain, had filled him -with wonder, considering this entire absence--lucky as it appears -to have been--of all applause. But so long as I myself felt -content with the execution, I was not disposed to let the public -apathy discourage me, knowing, as I did, that the crucial test -was in the second act. - -It lay, therefore, much nearer my heart to do all I could for the -success of this than to inquire into the reasons for this -attitude on the part of the Berlin public. And here the ice was -really broken at last. The audience seemed to abandon all idea of -finding a proper niche for me, and allowed itself to be carried -away into giving vent to applause, which at last grew into the -most boisterous enthusiasm. At the close of the act, amid a storm -of shouts, I led forward my singers on to the stage for the -customary bows of thanks. As the third act was too short to be -tedious, and as the scenic effects were both new and impressive, -we could not help hoping that we had won a veritable triumph, -especially as renewed outbursts of applause marked the end of the -performance. Mendelssohn, who happened at that time to be in -Berlin, with Meyerbeer, on business relating to the general -musical conductorship, was present in a stage box during this -performance. He followed its progress with a pale face, and -afterwards came and murmured to me in a weary tone of voice, -'Well, I should think you are satisfied now!' I met him several -times during my brief stay in Berlin., and also spent an evening -with him listening to various pieces of chamber-music. But never -did another word concerning the Fliegender Hollander pass his -lips, beyond inquiries as to the second performance, and as to -whether Devrient or some one else would appear in it. I heard, -moreover, that he had responded with equal indifference to the -earnest warmth of my allusions to his own music for the Midsummer -Night's Dream, which was being frequently played at that time, -and which I had heard for the first time. The only thing he -discussed with any detail was the actor Gern, who was playing in -Zettel, and who he considered was overacting his part. - -A few days later came a second performance with the same cast. My -experiences on this evening were even more startling than on the -former. Evidently the first night had won me a few friends, who -were again present, for they began to applaud after the overture. -But others responded with hisses, and for the rest of the evening -no one again ventured to applaud. My old friend Heine had arrived -in the meantime from Dresden, sent by our own board of directors -to study the scenic arrangements of the Midsummer Night's Dream -for our theatre. He was present at this second performance, and -had persuaded me to accept the invitation from one of his Berlin -relatives to have supper after the performance in a wine-bar -unter den Linden. Very weary, I followed him to a nasty and badly -lighted house, where I gulped down the wine with hasty ill-humour -to warm myself, and listened to the embarrassed conversation of -my good-natured friend and his companion, whilst I turned over -the day's papers. I now had ample leisure to read the criticisms -they contained on the first performance of my Fliegender -Hollander. A terrible spasm cut my heart as I realised the -contemptible tone and unparalleled shamelessness of their raging -ignorance regarding my own name and work. Our Berlin friend and -host, a thorough Philistine, said that he had known how things -would go in the theatre that night, after having read these -criticisms in the morning. The people of Berlin, he added, wait -to hear what Rellstab and his mates have to say, and then they -know how to behave. The good fellow was anxious to cheer me up, -and ordered one wine after another. Heine hunted up his -reminiscences of our merry Rienzi times in Dresden, until at last -the pair conducted me, staggering along in an addled condition, -to my hotel. - -It was already midnight. As I was being lighted by the waiter -through its gloomy corridors to my room, a gentleman in black, -with a pale refined face, came forward and said he would like to -speak to me. He informed me that he had waited there since the -close of the play, and as he was determined to see me, had -stopped till now. I excused myself on the ground of being quite -unfit for business, and added that, although not exactly inclined -to merriment, I had, as he might perceive, somewhat foolishly -drunk a little too much wine. This I said in a stammering voice; -but my strange visitor seemed only the more unwilling to be -repulsed. He accompanied me to my room, declaring that it was all -the more imperative for him to speak with me. We seated ourselves -in the cold room, by the meagre light of a single candle, and -then he began to talk. In flowing and impressive language he -related that he had been present at the performance that night of -my Fliegender Hollander, and could well conceive the humour in -which the evening's experiences had left me. For this very reason -he felt that nothing should hinder him from speaking to me that -night, and telling me that in the Fliegender Hollander I had -produced an unrivalled masterpiece. Moreover, the acquaintance he -had made with this work had awakened in him a new and unforeseen -hope for the future of German art; and that it would be a great -pity if I yielded to any sense of discouragement as the result of -the unworthy reception accorded to it by the Berlin public. My -hair began to stand on end. One of Hoffmann's fantastic creations -had entered bodily into my life. I could find nothing to say, -except to inquire the name of my visitor, at which he seemed -surprised, as I had talked with him the day before at -Mendelssohn's house. He said that my conversation and manner had -created such an impression upon him there, and had filled him -with such sudden regret at not having sufficiently overcome his -dislike for opera in general, to be present at the first -performance, that he had at once resolved not to miss the second. -His name, he added, was Professor Werder. That was no use to me, -I said, he must write his name down. Getting paper and ink, he -did as I desired, and we parted. I flung myself unconsciously on -the bed for a deep and invigorating sleep. Next morning I was -fresh and well. I paid a farewell call on Schroeder-Devrient, who -promised me to do all she could for the Fliegender Hollander as -soon as possible, drew my fee of a hundred ducats, and set off -for home. On my way through Leipzig I utilised my ducats for the -repayment of sundry advances made me by my relatives during the -earlier and poverty-stricken period of my sojourn in Dresden, and -then continued my journey, to recuperate among my books and -meditate upon the deep impression made on me by Werder's midnight -visit. - -Before the end of this winter I received a genuine invitation to -Hamburg for the performance of Rienzi. The enterprising director, -Herr Cornet, through whom it came, confessed that he had many -difficulties to contend against in the management of his theatre, -and was in need of a great success. This, after the reception -with which it had met in Dresden, he thought he could secure by -the production of Rienzi. I accordingly betook myself thither in -the month of March. The journey at that time was not an easy one, -as after Hanover one had to proceed by mail-coach, and the -crossing of the Elbe, which was full of floating ice, was a risky -business. Owing to a great fire that had recently broken out, the -town of Hamburg was in process of being rebuilt, and there were -still many wide spaces encumbered with ruins. Cold weather and an -ever-gloomy sky make my recollections of my somewhat prolonged -sojourn in this town anything but agreeable. I was tormented to -such an extent by having to rehearse with bad material, fit only -for the poorest theatrical trumpery, that, worn out and exposed -to constant colds, I spent most of my leisure time in the -solitude of my inn chamber. My earlier experiences of ill- -arranged and badly managed theatres came back to me afresh. I was -particularly depressed when I realised that I had made myself an -unconscious accomplice of Director Cornet's basest interests. His -one aim was to create a sensation, which he thought should be of -great service to me also; and not only did he put me off with a -smaller fee, but even suggested that it should be paid by gradual -instalments. The dignity of scenic decoration, of which he had -not the smallest idea, was completely sacrificed to the most -ridiculous and tawdry showiness. He imagined that pageantry was -all that was really needed to secure my success. So he hunted out -all the old fairy-ballet costumes from his stock, and fancied -that if they only looked gay enough, and if plenty of people were -bustling about on the stage, I ought to be satisfied. But the -most sorry item of all was the singer he provided for the title- -role. He was a man of the name of Wurda, an elderly, flabby and -voiceless tenor, who sang Rienzi with the expression of a lover-- -like Elvino, for instance, in the Somnanibula. He was so dreadful -that I conceived the idea of making the Capitol tumble down in -the second act, so as to bury him sooner in its ruins, a plan -which would have cut out several of the processions, which were -so dear to the heart of the director. I found my one ray of light -in a lady singer, who delighted me with the fire with which she -played the part of Adriano. This was a Mme. Fehringer, who was -afterwards engaged by Liszt for the role of Ortrud in the -production of Lohengrin at Weimar, but by that time her powers -had greatly deteriorated. Nothing could be more depressing than -my connection with this opera under such dismal circumstances. -And yet there were no outward signs of failure. The manager hoped -in any case to keep Rienzi in his repertoire until Tichatschek -was able to come to Hamburg and give the people of that town a -true idea of the play. This actually took place in the following -summer. - -My discouragement and ill-humour did not escape the notice of -Herr Cornet, and discovering that I wished to present my wife -with a parrot, he managed to procure a very fine bird, which he -gave me as a parting gift. I carried it with me in its narrow -cage on my melancholy journey home, and was touched to find that -it quickly repaid my care and became very much attached to me. -Minna greeted me with great joy when she saw this beautiful grey -parrot, for she regarded it as a self-evident proof that I should -do something in life. We already had a pretty little dog, born on -the day of the first Rienzi rehearsal in Dresden, which, owing to -its passionate devotion to myself, was much petted by all who -knew me and visited my house during those years. This sociable -bird, which had no vices and was an apt scholar, now formed an -addition to our household; and the pair did much to brighten our -dwelling in the absence of children. My wife soon taught the bird -snatches of songs from Rienzi, with which it would good-naturedly -greet me from a distance when it heard me coming up the stairs. - -And thus at last my domestic hearth seemed to be established with -every possible prospect of a comfortable competency. - -No further excursions for the performance of any of my operas -took place, for the simple reason that no such performances were -given. As I saw it was quite clear that the diffusion of my works -through the theatrical world would be a very slow business, I -concluded that this was probably due to the fact that no -adaptations of them for the piano existed. I therefore thought -that I should do well to press forward such an issue at all -costs, and in order to secure the expected profits, I hit upon -the idea of publishing at my own expense. I accordingly made -arrangements with F. Meser, the court music-dealer, who had -hitherto not got beyond the publication of a valse, and signed an -agreement with him for his firm to appear as the nominal -publishers on the understanding that they should receive a -commission of ten per cent, whilst I provided the necessary -capital. - -As there were two operas to be issued, including Rienzi, a work -of exceptional bulk, it was not likely that these publications -would prove very profitable unless, in addition to the usual -piano selections, I also published adaptations, such as the music -without words, for duet or solo. For this a fairly large capital -was necessary. I also needed funds for the repayment of the loans -already mentioned, and for the settlement of old debts, as well -as to pay off the remaining expenses of my house-furnishing. I -was therefore obliged to try and procure much larger sums. I laid -my project and its motive before Schroder-Devrient, who had just -returned to Dresden, at Easter, 1844, to fulfil a fresh -engagement. She believed in the future of my works, recognised -the peculiarity of my position, as well as the correctness of my -calculations, and declared her willingness to provide the -necessary capital for the publication of my operas, refusing to -consider the act as one involving any sacrifice on her part. This -money she proposed to get by selling out her investments in -Polish state-bonds, and I was to pay the customary rate of -interest. The thing was so easily done, and seemed so much a -matter of course, that I at once made all needful arrangements -with my Leipzig printer, and set to work on the publication of my -operas. - -When the amount of work delivered brought with it a demand for -considerable payments on account, I approached my friend for a -first advance. And here I became confronted with a new phase of -that famous lady's life, which placed me in a position which -proved as disastrous as it was unexpected. After having broken -away from the unlucky Herr von Munchhausen some time previously, -and returned, as it appeared, with penitential ardour to her -former connection with my friend, Hermann Muller, it now turned -out that she had found no real satisfaction in this fresh -relationship. On the contrary, the star of her being, whom she -had so long and ardently desired, had now at last arisen in the -person of another lieutenant of the Guards. With a vehemence -which made light of her treachery to her old friend, she elected -this slim young man, whose moral and intellectual weaknesses were -patent to every eye, as the chosen keystone of her life's love. -He took the good luck that befell him so seriously, that he would -brook no jesting, and at once laid hands on the fortune of his -future wife, as he considered that it was disadvantageously and -insecurely invested, and thought that he knew of much more -profitable ways of employing it. My friend therefore explained, -with much pain and evident embarrassment, that she had renounced -all control over her capital, and was unable to keep her promise -to me. - -Owing to this I entered upon a series of entanglements and -troubles which henceforth dominated my life, and plunged me into -sorrows that left their dismal mark on all my subsequent -enterprises. It was clear that I could not now abandon the -proposed plan of publication. The only satisfactory solution of -my perplexities was to be found in the execution of my project -and the success which I hoped would attend it. I was compelled, -therefore, to turn all my energies to the raising of the money -wherewith to publish my two operas, to which in all probability -Tannhauser would shortly have to be added. I first applied to my -friends, and in some cases had to pay exorbitant rates of -interest, even for short terms. For the present these details are -sufficient to prepare the reader for the catastrophe towards -which I was now inevitably drifting. - -The hopelessness of my position did not at first reveal itself. -There seemed no reason to despair of the eventual spread of my -operatic works among the theatres in Germany, though my -experience of them indicated that the process would be slow. In -spite of the depressing experiences in Berlin and Hamburg, there -were many encouraging signs to be seen. Above all, Rienzi -maintained its position in favour of the people of Dresden, a -place which undoubtedly occupied a position of great importance, -especially during the summer months, when so many strangers from -all parts of the world pass through it. My opera, which was not -to be heard anywhere else, was in great request, both among the -Germans and other visitors, and was always received with marked -approbation, which surprised me very much. Thus a performance of -Rienzi, especially in summer, became quite a Dionysian revelry, -whose effect upon me could not fail to be encouraging. - -On one occasion Liszt was among the number of these visitors. As -Rienzi did not happen to be in the repertoire when he arrived, he -induced the management at his earnest request to arrange a -special performance. I met him between the acts in Tichatschek's -dressing-room, and was heartily encouraged and touched by his -almost enthusiastic appreciation, expressed in his most emphatic -manner. The kind of life to which Liszt was at that time -condemned, and which bound him to a perpetual environment of -distracting and exciting elements, debarred us from all more -intimate and fruitful intercourse. Yet from this time onward I -continued to receive constant testimonies of the profound and -lasting impression I had made upon him, as well as of his -sympathetic remembrance of me. From various parts of the world, -wherever his triumphal progress led him, people, chiefly of the -upper classes, came to Dresden for the purpose of hearing Rienzi. -They had been so interested by Liszt's reports of my work, and by -his playing of various selections from it, that they all came -expecting something of unparalleled importance. - -Besides these indications of Liszt's enthusiastic and friendly -sympathy, other deeply touching testimonies appeared from -different quarters. The startling beginning made by Werder, on -the occasion of his midnight visit after the second performance -of the Fliegender Hollander in Berlin, was shortly afterwards -followed by a similarly unsolicited approach in the form of an -effusive letter from an equally unknown personage, Alwino -Frommann, who afterwards became my faithful friend. After my -departure from Berlin she heard Schroder-Devrient twice in the -Fliegender Hollander, and the letter in which she described the -effect produced upon her by my work conveyed to me for the first -time the vigorous and profound sentiments of a deep and confident -recognition such as seldom falls to the lot of even the greatest -master, and cannot fail to exercise a weighty influence on his -mind and spirit, which long for self-confidence. - -I have no very vivid recollections of my own doings during this -first year of my position as conductor in a sphere of action -which gradually grew more and more familiar. For the anniversary -of my appointment, and to some extent as a personal recognition, -I was commissioned to procure Gluck's Armida. This we performed -in March, 1843, with the co-operation of Schroder-Devrient, just -before her temporary departure from Dresden. Great importance was -attached to this production, because, at the same moment, -Meyerbeer was inaugurating his general-directorship in Berlin by -a performance of the same work. Indeed, it was in Berlin that the -extraordinary respect entertained for such a commemoration of -Gluck had its origin. I was told that Meyerbeer went to Rellstab -with the score of Armida in order to obtain hints as to its -correct interpretation. - -As not long afterwards I also heard a strange story of two silver -candlesticks, wherewith the famous composer was said, to have -enlightened the no less famous critic when showing him the score -of his Feldlager in Schlesien, I decided to attach no great -importance to the instructions he might have received, but rather -to help myself by a careful handling of this difficult score, and -by introducing some softness into it through modulating the -variations in tone as much as possible. I had the gratification -later of receiving an exceedingly warm appreciation of my -rendering from Herr Eduard Devrient, a great Gluck connoisseur. -After hearing this opera as presented by us, and comparing it -with the Berlin performance, he heartily praised the tenderly -modulated character of our rendering of certain parts, which, he -said, had been given in Berlin with the coarsest bluntness. He -mentioned, as a striking instance of this, a brief chorus in C -major of male and female nymphs in the third act. By the -introduction of a more moderate tempo and very soft piano I had -tried to free this from the original coarseness with which -Devrient had heard it rendered in Berlin--presumably with -traditional fidelity. My most innocent device, and one which I -frequently adopted, for disguising the irritating stiffness or -the orchestral movement in the original, was a careful -modification of the Basso-continuo, which was taken -uninterruptedly in common time. This I felt obliged to remedy, -partly by legato playing, and partly by pizzicato. - -Our management were lavish in their expenditure on externals, -especially decoration, and as a spectacular opera the piece drew -fairly large houses, thus earning me the reputation of being a -very suitable conductor for Gluck, and one who was in close -sympathy with him. This result was the more conspicuous from the -fact that Iphigenia in Tauris which is a far superior work, and -in which Devrient's interpretation of the title-role was -admirable had been performed to empty houses, - -I had to live upon this reputation for a long time, as it often -happened that I was compelled to give inferior performances of -repertoire pieces, including Mozart's operas. The mediocrity of -these was particularly disappointing to those who, after my -success in Armida, had expected a great deal from my rendering of -these pieces, and were much disappointed in consequence. Even -sympathetic hearers sought to explain their disappointment on the -ground that I did not appreciate Mozart and could not understand -him. But they failed to realise how impossible it was for me, as -a mere conductor, to exercise any real influence on such -desultory performances, which were merely given as stopgaps, and -often without rehearsal. Indeed, in this matter I often found -myself in a false position, which, as I was powerless to remedy -it, contributed not a little to render unbearable both my new -office and my dependence upon the meanest motives of a paltry -theatrical routine, already overweighted with the cares of -business. This, in fact, became worse than I had expected, in -spite of my previous knowledge of the precariousness of such a -life. My colleague Reissiger, to whom from time to time I poured -out my woes regarding the scant attention given by the general -management to our demands for the maintenance of correct -representations in the realm of opera, comforted me by saying -that I, like himself, would sooner or later relinquish all these -fads and submit to the inevitable fate of a conductor. Thereupon -he proudly smote his stomach, and hoped that I might soon be able -to boast of one as round as his own. - -I received further provocation for my growing dislike of these -jog-trot methods from a closer acquaintance with the spirit in -which even eminent conductors undertook the reproduction of our -masterpieces. During this first year Mendelssohn was invited to -conduct his St. Paul for one of the Palm Sunday concerts in the -Dresden chapel, which was famous at that time. The knowledge I -thus acquired of this work, under such favourable circumstances, -pleased me so much, that I made a fresh attempt to approach the -composer with sincere and friendly motives; but a remarkable -conversation which I had with him on the evening of this -performance quickly and strangely repelled my impulse. After the -oratorio Reissiger was to produce Beethoven's Eighth Symphony. I -had noticed in the preceding rehearsal that Keissiger had fallen -into the error of all the ordinary conductors of this work by -taking the tempo di minuetto of the third movement at a -meaningless waltz time, whereby not only does the whole piece -lose its imposing character, but the trio is rendered absolutely -ridiculous by the impossibility of the violoncello part being -interpreted at such a speed. I had called Reissiger's attention -to this defect, and he acquiesced in my opinion, promising to -take the part in question at true minuetto tempo. I related this -to Mendelssohn, when he was resting after his own performance in -the box beside me, listening to the symphony. He, too, -acknowledged that I was right, and thought that it ought to be -played as I said. And now the third movement began. Reissiger, -who, it is true, did not possess the needful power suddenly to -impress so momentous a change of time upon his orchestra with -success, followed the usual custom and took the tempo di minuetto -in the same old waltz time. Just as I was about to express my -anger, Mendelssohn gave me a friendly nod, as though he thought -that this was what I wanted, and that I had understood the music -in this way. I was so amazed by this complete absence of feeling -on the part of the famous musician, that I was struck dumb, and -thenceforth my own particular opinion of Mendelssohn gradually -matured, an opinion which was afterwards confirmed by R. -Schumann. The latter, in expressing the sincere pleasure he had -felt on listening to the time at which I had taken the first -movement of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, told me that he had been -compelled to hear it year after year taken by Mendelssohn at a -perfectly distracting speed. - -Amid my yearning anxiety to exert some influence upon the spirit -in which our noblest masterpieces were executed, I had to -struggle against the profound dissatisfaction I felt with my -employment on the ordinary theatre repertoire. It was not until -Palm Sunday of the year 1844, just after my dispiriting -expedition to Hamburg, that my desire to conduct the Pastoral -Symphony was satisfied. But many faults still remained -unremedied, and for the removal of these I had to adopt indirect -methods which gave me much trouble. For instance, at these famous -concerts the arrangement of the orchestra, the members of which -were seated in a long, thin, semicircular row round the chorus of -singers, was so inconceivably stupid that it required the -explanation given by Reissiger to make me understand such folly. -He told me that all these arrangements dated from the time of the -late conductor Morlacchi, who, as an Italian composer of operas, -had no true realisation of the importance of the orchestra nor of -its necessities. When, therefore, I asked why they had permitted -him to meddle with things he did not understand, I learned that -the preference shown to this Italian, both by the court and the -general management, even in opposition to Carl Maria von Weber, -had always been absolute and brooked no contradiction. I was -warned that, even now, we should experience great difficulty in -ridding ourselves of these inherited vices, because the opinion -still prevailed in the highest circles that he must have -understood best what he was about. - -Once more my childish memories of the eunuch Sassaroli flashed -through my mind, and I remembered the warning of Weber's widow as -to the significance of my succession to her husband's post of -conductor in Dresden. But, in spite of all this, our performance -of the Pastoral Symphony succeeded beyond expectation, and the -incomparable and wonderfully stimulating enjoyment, which I was -in future to derive from my intercourse with Beethoven's works, -now first enabled me to realise his prolific strength. Kockel -shared in this enjoyment with heartfelt sympathy; he supported me -with eye and ear at every rehearsal, always stood by my side, and -was at one with me both in his appreciation and his aims. - -After this encouraging success I was to receive the gratification -of another triumph in the summer, which, although it was of no -particular moment from the musical point of view, was of great -social importance. The King of Saxony, towards whom, as I have -already said, I had felt warmly drawn when he was Prince -Friedrich, was expected home from a long visit to England. The -reports received of his stay there had greatly rejoiced my -patriotic soul. While this homely monarch, who shrank from all -pomp and noisy demonstration, was in England, it happened that -the Tsar Nicholas arrived quite unexpectedly on a visit to the -Queen. In his honour great festivities and military reviews were -held, in which our King, much against his will, was obliged to -participate, and he was consequently compelled to receive the -enthusiastic acclamations of the English crowd, who were most -demonstrative in showing their preference for him, as compared -with the unpopular Tsar. This preference was also reflected in -the newspapers, so that a flattering incense floated over from -England to our little Saxony which filled us all with a peculiar -pride in our King. While I was in this mood, which absorbed me -completely, I learned that preparations were being made in -Leipzig for a special welcome to the King on his return, which -was to be further dignified by a musical festival in the -directing of which Mendelssohn was to take part. I made inquiries -as to what was going to be done in Dresden, and learned that the -King did not propose to call there at all, but was going direct -to his summer residence at Pillnitz. - -A moment's reflection showed me that this would only further my -desire of preparing a pleasant and hearty reception for his -Majesty. As I was a servant of the Crown, any attempt on my part -to render an act of homage in Dresden might have had the -appearance of an official parade which would not be admissible. I -seized the idea, therefore, of hurriedly collecting together all -who could either play or sing, so that we might perform a -Reception song hastily composed in honour of the event. The -obstacle to my plan was that my Director Luttichau was away at -one of his country seats. To come to an understanding with my -colleague Reissiger would, moreover, have involved delay, and -given the enterprise the very aspect of an official ovation which -I wished to avoid. As no time was to be lost, if anything worthy -of the occasion was to be done--as the King was due to arrive in -a few days--I availed myself of my position as conductor of the -Glee Club, and summoned all its singers and instrumentalists to -my aid. In addition to these, I invited the members of our -theatrical company, and also those of the orchestra, to join us. -This done, I drove quickly to Pillnitz to arrange matters with -the Lord Chamberlain, whom I found favourably disposed towards my -project. The only leisure I could snatch for composing the verses -of my song and setting them to music was during the rapid drive -there and back, for by the time I reached home I had to have -every thing ready for the copyist and lithographer. The agreeable -sensation of rushing through the warm summer air and lovely -country, coupled with the sincere affection with which I was -inspired for our German Prince, and which had prompted my effort, -elated me and worked me up to a high pitch of tension, in which I -now formed a clear conception of the lyrical outlines of the -'Tannhauser March,' which first saw the light of day on the -occasion of this royal welcome. I soon afterwards developed this -theme, and thus produced the march which became the most popular -of the melodies I had hitherto composed. - -On the next day it had to be tried over with a hundred and twenty -instrumentalists and three hundred singers. I had taken the -liberty of inviting them to meet me on the stage of the Court -Theatre, where everything went off capitally. Every one was -delighted, and I not the least so, when a messenger arrived from -the director, who had just returned to town, requesting an -immediate interview. Littichau was enraged beyond measure at my -high-handed proceedings in this matter, of which he had been -informed by our good friend Reissiger. If his baronial coronet -had been on his head during this interview, it would assuredly -have tumbled off. The fact that I should have conducted my -negotiations in person with the court officials, and could report -that my endeavours had met with extraordinarily prompt success, -aroused his deepest fury, for the chief importance of his own -position consisted in always representing everything which had to -be obtained by these means as surrounded by the greatest -obstacles, and hedged in by the strictest etiquette. I offered to -cancel everything, but that only embarrassed him the more. I -thereupon asked him what he wanted me to do, if the plan was -still to be carried out. On this point he seemed uncertain, but -thought I had shown a great lack of fellow-feeling in having not -only ignored him, but Reissiger as well. I answered that I was -perfectly ready to hand over my composition and the conducting of -the piece to Reissiger. But he could not swallow this, as he -really had an exceedingly poor opinion of Reissiger, of which I -was very well aware. His real grievance was that I had arranged -the whole business with the Lord Chamberlain, Herr von -Reizenstein, who was his personal enemy, and he added that I -could form no conception of the rudeness he had been obliged to -endure from the hands of this official. This outburst of -confidence made it easier for me to exhibit an almost sincere -emotion, to which he responded by a shrug of the shoulders, -meaning that he must resign himself to a disagreeable necessity. - -But my project was even more seriously threatened by the wretched -weather than by this storm with the director; for it rained all -day in torrents. If it lasted, which it seemed only too likely to -do, I could hardly start on the special boat at five o'clock in -the morning, as proposed, with my hundreds of helpers, to give an -early morning concert at Pillnitz, two hours away. I anticipated -such a disaster with genuine dismay. But Rockel consoled me by -saying that I could rely upon it that we should have glorious -weather the next day; for I was lucky! This belief in my luck has -followed me ever since, even down to my latest days; and amid the -great misfortunes which have so often hampered my enterprises, I -have felt as if this statement were a wicked insult to fate. But -this time, at least, my friend was right; the 12th of August, -1844 was from sunrise till late at night the most perfect summer -day that I can remember in my whole life. The sensation of -blissful content with which I saw my light-hearted legion of -gaily dressed bandsmen and singers gathering through the -auspicious morning mists on board our steamer, swelled my breast -with a fervent faith in my lucky star. - -By my friendly impetuosity I had succeeded in overcoming -Reissiger's smouldering resentment, and had persuaded him to -share the honour of our undertaking by conducting the performance -of my composition himself. When we arrived at the spot, -everything went off splendidly. The King and royal family were -visibly touched, and in the evil times that followed the Queen of -Saxony spoke of this occasion, I am told, with peculiar emotion, -as the fairest day of her life. After Reissiger had wielded his -baton with great dignity, and I had sung with the tenors in the -choir, we two conductors were summoned to the presence of the -royal family. The King warmly expressed his thanks, while the -Queen paid us the high compliment of saying that I composed very -well and that Reissiger conducted very well. His Majesty asked us -to repeat the last three stanzas only, as, owing to a painful -ulcerated tooth, he could not remain much longer out of doors. I -rapidly devised a combined evolution, the remarkably successful -execution of which I am very proud, even to this day. I had the -entire song repeated, but, in accordance with the King's wish, -only one verse was sung in our original crescent formation. At -the beginning of the second verse I made my four hundred -undisciplined bandsmen and singers file off in a march through -the garden, which, as they gradually receded, was so arranged -that the final notes could only reach the royal ear as an echoing -dream-song. Thanks to my unexampled activity and ever-present -help, this retreat was so steadily carried out that not the -slightest faltering was perceptible either in time or delivery, -and the whole might have been taken for a carefully rehearsed -theatrical manoeuvre. On reaching the castle court we found that, -by the Queen's kindly forethought, an ample breakfast had been -provided for our party on the lawn, where the tables were already -spread. We often saw our royal hostess herself busily supervising -the attendants, or moving with excited delight about the windows -and corridors of the castle. Every eye beamed rapture to my soul, -as the successful author of the general happiness, and I almost -felt amid the glories of that day as though the millennium had -been proclaimed. After roaming in a body through the lovely -grounds of the castle, and not omitting to pay a visit to the -Keppgrund which had been so dear to me in my youth, we returned -late at night, and in the highest spirits, to Dresden. - -Next morning I was again summoned to the presence of the -director. But a change had come over him during the night. - -As I began to offer my apologies for the anxiety I had caused -him, the tall thin man, with the hard dry face, seized me by the -hand and addressed me with a rapturous expression, which I am -sure no one else ever saw on his face. He told me to say no more -about these anxieties. I was a great man, and soon no one would -know anything about him, whereas I should be universally admired -and loved. I was deeply moved, and wished only to express my -embarrassment at so unexpected an outburst, when he kindly -interrupted me and sought an escape from his own emotion in good- -humoured confidences. He referred, with a smile, to the self- -denial which had yielded the place of honour on so extraordinary -an occasion to an undeserving man like Reissiger. When I assured -him that this act had afforded me the liveliest satisfaction, and -that I had myself persuaded my colleague to take the baton, he -confessed that at last he began to understand me, but failed -altogether to comprehend how the other could accept a position to -which he had no right. - -Luttichau's altered attitude towards me was such that for some -time our intercourse on matters of business assumed an almost -confidential tone. But, unfortunately, in course of time things -changed for the worse, so that our relationship became one of -open enmity; nevertheless, a certain peculiar tenderness towards -me on the part of this singular man was always clearly -perceptible. Indeed, I might almost say that much of his -subsequent abuse of me sounded more like the strangely perverted -plaints of a love that met with no response. - -For my holiday this year I went, early in September, to Fischer's -vineyard, near Loschwitz, not far from the famous Firidlater -vineyard, where, somewhat late in the year, I rented a summer -residence. Where under the kindly and strengthening stimulus of -six week of open-air life, I composed my music for the second act -of Tannhauser, which I completed by the 15th of October. During -this period a performance of Rienzi was given before an audience -of no ordinary importance. For this event I went up to town. -Spontini, Meyerbeer, and General Lwoff, the composer of the -Russian National Anthem, were seated together in a stage box. I -sought no opportunity of learning the impression made by my opera -upon these learned judges and magnates of the musical world. It -was enough for me to have the complacent satisfaction of knowing -that they had heard my oft-repeated work performed before a -crowded house and amid overwhelming applause. I was delighted at -the close of the opera to have my little dog Peps, which had run -after me all the way from the country, brought to me; and without -waiting to greet the European celebrities, I drove off with it at -once to our quiet vineyard, where Minna was greatly relieved to -recover her little pet, which for hours she had believed to be -lost. - -Here I also received a visit from Werder, the man whose -friendship I had made in Berlin under such dramatic -circumstances. But this time he appeared in ordinary human guise, -beneath the kindly light of heaven, by which we disputed in a -friendly way concerning the true worth of the Fliegender -Hollander, my mind having somewhat turned against this work since -Tannhauser had got into my head. It certainly seemed odd to find -myself contradicted on this point by my friend, and to receive -instruction from him on the significance of my own work. - -When we returned to our winter quarters I tried to avoid allowing -so lengthy an interval to elapse between the composition of the -second and third acts as had separated that of the first and -second. In spite of many absorbing engagements I succeeded in my -aim. By carefully cultivating a habit of taking solitary walks, -and thanks to their soothing influence over me, I managed to -finish the music of Act iii. by the 29th of December, that is to -say, before the end of the year. - -During this period my time was otherwise very seriously occupied -by a visit paid us by Spontini with reference to a proposed -presentation of his Vestalin, the preparation for which had just -begun. The singular episodes and characteristic features of the -intercourse which I thus gained with this eminent and hoary- -headed master are still so vividly imprinted on my memory that -they seem worthy of a place in this record. - -Since, with the co-operation of Schroder-Devrient, we could, on -the whole, rely upon an admirable presentation of the opera, I -had inspired Luttichau with the idea of inviting Spontini to -undertake the personal superintendence of his justly famous work. -He had just left Berlin for ever, after enduring great -humiliation there, and such an invitation at this moment would be -a well-timed proof of respect. This was accordingly sent, and as -I had myself been entrusted with the conductorship of the opera, -I was given the singular task of deciding this point with the -master. My letter, it appears, although written in French, -inspired him with a high opinion of my zeal for the enterprise, -and in a gracious reply he informed me what his special wishes -were regarding the arrangements to be made for his collaboration. -As far as the vocalists were concerned, and seeing that a -Schroder-Devrient was among the number, he frankly expressed his -satisfaction. As for chorus and ballet, he took it for granted -that nothing would be lacking to the dignity of the performance; -and finally, as regarded the orchestra, he expected that this -also would be sure to please him, as he presumed it contained the -necessary complement of excellent instruments which, to use his -own words, 'he hoped would furnish the performance with twelve -good contrabass!' (le tout garni de douze bonnes contre-basses). -This phrase bowled me over, for the proportion thus bluntly -stated in figures gave me so logical a conception of his exalted -expectations, that I hurried away at once to the director to warn -him that the enterprise on which we had embarked would not, after -all, prove as easy as we thought. His alarm was great, and he -said that some plan must at once be devised for breaking off the -engagement. - -When Schroder-Devrient heard of our dilemma, knowing Spontini -well, she laughed as though she would never stop at the ingenuous -impudence with which we had issued our invitation. A trifling -indisposition from which she then suffered provided a reasonable -excuse for a delay, more or less prolonged, and this she -generously placed at our disposal. Spontini had, in fact, urged -us to use all possible despatch in the execution of our project, -for, as he was impatiently awaited in Paris, he could spare us -but little time. It fell to my lot to weave the tissue of -innocent deceptions by which we hoped to divert the master from a -definite acceptance of our invitation. Now we could breathe -again, and duly began rehearsing. But on the very day before we -proposed to hold our full-dress rehearsal at our leisure, lo and -behold! about noon a carriage drove up to my door, in which, clad -in a long blue coat of pilot-cloth, sat no other than the haughty -master himself, whose manners resembled those of a Spanish -grandee. All unattended and greatly excited, he entered my room, -showed me my letters, and proved from our correspondence that the -invitation had not been declined, but that he had in all points -accurately complied with our wishes. Forgetting for the moment -all the possible embarrassments which might arise, in my genuine -delight at beholding the wonderful man before me, and hearing his -work conducted by himself, I at once undertook to do everything I -possibly could to meet his desires. This declaration I made with -the utmost sincerity of zeal. He smiled with almost childlike -kindliness on hearing me, and I at once begged him to conduct the -rehearsal arranged for the morrow. He thereupon grew suddenly -thoughtful, and began to weigh the numerous disadvantages of such -an action on his part. So acute did his agitation become that he -had the greatest difficulty in expressing himself clearly on any -point, and I found it no easy matter to inquire what arrangements -on our part would persuade him to undertake the morrow's -rehearsal. After a moment's reflection he asked what sort of -baton I was accustomed to use when conducting. With my hands I -indicated the approximate length and thickness of a medium-sized -wooden rod, such as our choir-attendant was in the habit of -supplying, freshly covered with white paper. He sighed, and asked -if I thought it possible to procure him by to-morrow a baton of -black ebony, whose very respectable length and thickness he -indicated by a gesture, and on each end of which a fairly large -knob of ivory was to be affixed. I promised to have one prepared -for the next rehearsal, which should at least be similar in -appearance to what he desired, and another of the specified -materials in time for the actual performance. Visibly relieved, -he then passed his hand over his brow, and granted me permission -to announce his consent to conduct on the following day. After -once more strongly enforcing his instructions as to the baton, he -went back to his hotel. - -I seemed to be moving in a dream, and hastened in a whirl-wind of -excitement to publish the news of what had happened and was to be -expected. We were fairly trapped. Schroder-Devrient offered to -become our scapegoat, while I entered into precise details with -the theatre carpenter concerning the baton. This turned out so -far correct that it possessed the requisite length and breadth, -was black in its colour, and had two large white knobs. Then came -the fateful rehearsal. Spontini was evidently ill at ease on his -seat in the orchestra. First of all he wished to have the oboists -placed behind him. As this partial change of position just at -that moment would have caused much confusion in the disposition -of the orchestra, I promised to effect the alteration after the -rehearsal. He said no more, and took up his baton. In a moment I -understood why he attached such importance to its form and size. -He held it, not as other conductors do, by the end, but gripped -it about the middle with his clenched fist, waving it so as to -make it evident that he wielded his baton like a field-marshal's -staff, not for beating time, but for command. - -Confusion arose in the very first scene, which was increased by -the fact that the master's instructions, both to orchestra and -singers, were rendered almost unintelligible by his confused use -of the German language. This much at least we were soon able to -grasp, that he was particularly anxious to disabuse us of the -idea that this was a full-dress rehearsal, and to show us that he -was set upon a thorough re-study of the opera from the very -beginning. Great, indeed, was the despair of my good old -chorus-master and stage manager, Fischer--who before had -enthusiastically advocated the invitation of Spontini--when he -recognised that the dislocation of our repertoire was now -inevitable. This feeling swelled by degrees to open anger, in the -blindness of which every fresh suggestion of Spontini's appeared -but frivolous fault-finding, to which he bluntly responded in the -coarsest German. After one of the choruses Spontini beckoned me -to his side and whispered: 'Mais savez-vous, vos choeurs ne -chantent pas mal'; whereupon Fischer, regarding this with -suspicion, shouted out to me in a rage: 'What does the old hog -want now?' and I had some trouble to pacify the speedily -converted enthusiast. - -But our most serious delay arose, during the first act, through -the evolutions of a triumphal march. With the most vociferous -emphasis the master expressed intense dissatisfaction with the -apathetic demeanour of our populace during the procession of -vestal virgins. He was quite unaware of the fact that, in -obedience to our stage manager's instructions, they had fallen on -their knees upon the appearance of the priestesses; for he was so -excited, and withal so terribly short-sighted, that nothing which -appealed to the eye alone was perceptible to his senses. What he -demanded was that the Roman army should manifest its devout -respect in more drastic fashion by flinging themselves as one man -to the ground, and marking this by delivering a crashing blow of -their spears on their shields. Endless attempts were made, but -some one always clattered either too soon or too late. Then he -repeated the action himself several times with his baton on the -desk, but all to no purpose; the crash was not sufficiently sharp -and emphatic. This reminded me of the impression made upon me -some years before in Berlin by the wonderful precision and almost -alarming effect with which I had seen similar evolutions carried -out in the play of Ferdinand Cortez, and I realized that it would -require an immediate and tedious accentuation of our customary -softness of action in such maneouvres before we could meet the -fastidious master's requirements. At the end of the first act -Spontini went on the stage himself, in order to give a detailed -explanation of his reasons for wishing to defer his opera for a -considerable time, so as to prepare by multitudinous rehearsals -for its production in accordance with his taste. He expected to -find the actors of the Dresden Court Theatre gathered there to -hear him; but the company had already dispersed. Singers and -stage manager had hastily scattered in every direction to give -vent, each in his own fashion, to the misery of the situation. -None but the workmen, lamp-cleaners, and a few of the chorus -gathered in a semicircle around Spontini, in order to have a look -at that remarkable man, as he held forth with wonderful effect on -the requirements of true theatrical art. Turning towards the -dismal scene, I gently and respectfully pointed out to Spontini -the uselessness of his declamation, and promised that everything -should eventually be done precisely as he desired. - -Finally, I succeeded in extricating him from the undignified -position in which, to my horror, he had been placed, by telling -him that Herr Eduard Devrient, who had seen the Vestalin in -Berlin, and carried every detail of the performance in his mind, -should personally drill our chorus and supers into a becoming -solemnity during the reception of the vestals. This pacified him, -and we proceeded to settle on a plan for a series of rehearsals -according to his wishes. But, in spite of all this, I was the -only person to whom this strange turn of affairs was not -unwelcome; for through the burlesque extravagances of Spontini, -and notwithstanding his extraordinary eccentricities, which, -however, I learned in time to understand, I could perceive the -miraculous energy with which he pursued and attained an ideal of -theatrical art such as in our days had become almost unknown. - -We began, therefore, with a pianoforte rehearsal, at which the -master made a point of telling the singers what he wanted. He did -not tell us anything new, however, for he said little about the -details of the rendering; on the other hand, he expatiated upon -the general interpretation, and I noticed that in doing this, he -had accustomed himself to make the most decided allowances for -the great singers, especially Schroder-Devrient and Tichatschek. -The only thing he did was to forbid the latter to use the word -Braut (bride) with which Licinius had to address Julia in the -German translation; this word sounded horrible in his ears, and -he could not understand how anybody could set such a vulgar sound -as that to music. He gave a long lecture, however, to the -somewhat coarse and less talented singer who took the part of the -high-priest, and explained to him how to understand and interpret -this character from the dialogue (in recitative) between him and -Haruspex. He told him that he must understand that the whole -thing was based upon priestcraft and superstition. Pontifex must -make it clear that he does not fear his antagonist at the head of -the Roman army, because, should the worst come to the worst, he -has his machines ready, which, if necessary, will miraculously -rekindle the dead fire of Vesta. In this way, even though Julia -should escape the sacrifice, the power of the priesthood would -still be unassailable. - -During one of the rehearsals I asked Spontini why he, who, as a -rule, made such very effective use of the trombone, should have -left it entirely out in the magnificent triumphal march of the -first act. Very much astonished he asked: 'Est-ce que je n'ai pas -de trombones?' I showed him the printed score, and he then asked -me to add the trombones to the march, so that, if possible, they -might be used at the next rehearsal. He also said: 'J'ai entendu -dans votre Rienzi un instrument, que vous appelez Basse-tuba; je -ne veux pas bannir cet instrument de l'orchestre: faites m'en une -partie pour la Vestale.' It gave me great pleasure to perform -this task for him with all the care and good judgment I could -dispose of. When at the rehearsal he heard the effect for the -first time, he threw me a really grateful glance, and so much -appreciated the really simple additions I had made to his score, -that a little later on he wrote me a very friendly letter from -Paris in which he asked me kindly to send him the extra -instrumental parts I had prepared for him. His pride would not -allow him, however, to ask outright for something for which I -alone had been responsible, so he wrote: 'Envoyez-moi une -partition des trombones pour la marche triomphale et de la Basse- -tuba telle qu'elle a ete executee sous ma direction a Dresde.' -Apart from this, I also showed how greatly I respected him, in -the eagerness with which, at his special request, I regrouped all -the instruments in the orchestra. He was forced to this request -more by habit than by principle, and how very important it seemed -to him not to make the slightest change in his customary -arrangements, was proved to me when he explained his method of -conducting. He conducted the orchestra, so he said, only with his -eyes: 'My left eye is the first violin, my right eye the second, -and if the eye is to have power, one must not wear glasses (as so -many bad conductors do), even if one is short-sighted. I,' he -admitted confidentially, 'cannot see twelve inches in front of -me, but all the same I can make them play as I want, merely by -fixing them with my eye.' In some respects the arbitrary way in -which he used to arrange his orchestra was really very -irrational. From his old days in Paris he had retained the habit -of placing the two oboists immediately behind him, and although -this was a fad which owed its origin to a mere accident, it was -one to which he always adhered. The consequence was that these -players had to avert the mouthpiece of their instruments from the -audience, and our excellent oboist was so angry about this -arrangement, that it was only by dint of great diplomacy that I -succeeded in pacifying him. - -Apart from this, Spontini's method was based upon the absolutely -correct system (which even at the present time is misunderstood -by some German orchestras) of spreading the string quartette over -the whole orchestra. This system further consisted in preventing -the brass and percussion instruments from culminating in one -point (and drowning each other) by dividing them on both sides, -and by placing the more delicate wind instruments at a judicious -distance from each other, thus forming a chain between the -violins. Even some great and celebrated orchestras of the present -day still retain the custom of dividing the mass of instruments -into two halves, the string and the wind instruments, an -arrangement that denotes roughness and a lack of understanding of -the sound of the orchestra, which ought to blend harmoniously and -be well balanced. - -I was very glad to have the chance of introducing this excellent -improvement in Dresden, for now that Spontini himself had -initiated it, it was an easy matter to get the King's command to -let the alteration stand. Nothing remained after Spontini's -departure but to modify and correct certain eccentricities and -arbitrary features in his arrangements; and from that moment I -attained a high level of success with my orchestra. - -With all the peculiarities he showed at rehearsals, this -exceptional man fascinated both musicians and singers to such an -extent that the production attracted quite an unusual amount of -attention. Very characteristic was the energy with which he -insisted on exceptionally sharp rhythmic accents; through his -association with the Berlin orchestra he had acquired the habit -of marking the note that he wished to be brought out with the -word diese (this), which at first was quite incomprehensible to -me. The great singer Tichatschek, who had a positive genius for -rhythm, was highly pleased by this; for he also had acquired the -habit of compelling the chorus to great precision in very -important entries, and maintained that if one only accentuated -the first note properly, the rest followed as a matter of course. -On the whole, therefore, a spirit of devotion to the master -gradually pervaded the orchestra; the violas alone bore him a -grudge for a while, and for this reason. In the accompaniment of -the lugubrious cantilena of Julia at the end of the second act, -he would not put up with the way in which the violas played the -horribly sentimental accompaniment. Suddenly turning towards them -he called in a sepulchral tone, 'Are the violas dying?' The two -pale and incurably melancholy old men who held on tenaciously to -their posts in the orchestra, notwithstanding their right to a -pension, stared at Spontini with real fright, reading a threat in -his words, and I had to explain Spontini's wish in sober language -in order to call them back to life. - -On the stage Herr Eduard Devrient helped very materially in -bringing about wonderfully distinct ensembles; he also knew how -to gratify a certain wish of Spontini's, which threw us all into -tremendous confusion. In accordance with the cuts adopted by all -the German theatres, we too ended the opera with the fiery duet, -supported by the chorus, between Licinius and Julia after their -rescue. The master, however, insisted on adding a lively chorus -and ballet to the finale, according to the antiquated method of -ending common to French opera seria. He was absolutely against -finishing his work with a dismal churchyard episode; consequently -the whole scene had to be altered. Venus was to shine resplendent -in a rose bower, and the long-suffering lovers were to be wedded -at her altar, amid lively dancing and singing, by rose-bedecked -priests and priestesses. We performed it like this, but unluckily -not with the success we had all hoped for. - -In the course of the production, which was proceeding with -wonderful accuracy and verve, we came across a difficulty with -regard to the principal part for which none of us had been -prepared. Our great Schroder-Devrient was obviously no longer of -an age to give the desired effect as the youngest of the vestal -virgins; she had acquired matronly contours, and her age was -moreover accentuated by the extremely girlish-looking high- -priestess with whom she had to act, and whose youth it was -difficult to dissimulate. This was my niece, Johanna Wagner, who, -because of her marvellous voice and great talent as an actress, -made every one in the audience long to see the parts of the two -women reversed. Schroder-Devrient, who was well aware of this -fact, tried by every effective means in her power to overcome her -most difficult position; this effort, however, resulted not -infrequently in great exaggeration and straining of the voice, -and in one very important place her part was sadly overacted. -When, after the great trio in the second act, she had to gasp the -words, 'er ist frei' ('he is free'), and to move away from her -rescued lover towards the front of the stage, she made the -mistake of speaking the words instead of singing them. - -She had often proved the effect of a decisive word uttered with -an exaggerated and yet careful imitation of the ordinary accents -of the spoken language, by exciting the audience's wildest -enthusiasm when she almost whispered the words, 'Noch einen -Schritt und du bist todt!' ('Just one more step and thou art -dead!') in Fidelia. This terrific effect, which I too had felt, -was produced by the shock--like unto the blow of an executioner's -axe--which I received on suddenly coming down from the ideal -sphere to which music itself can exalt the most awful situations, -to the naked surface of dreadful reality. This sensation was due -simply to the knowledge of the utmost height of the sublime, and -the memory of the impression I received led me to call that -particular moment the moment of lightning; for it was as if two -different worlds that meet, and yet are divided, were suddenly -illumined and revealed as by a flash. Thoroughly to understand -such a moment, and not to treat it wrongly, was the whole secret, -and this I fully realised on that day from the absolute failure -on the great singer's part to produce the right effect. The -toneless, hoarse way in which she uttered the words was like -throwing cold water over the audience and myself, and not one of -those present could see any more in the incident than a botched -theatrical effect. It is possible that the public had expected -too much, for they were curious to see Spontini conduct, and the -prices had been raised accordingly; it may also have been that -the whole style of the work, with its antiquated French plot, -seemed rather obsolete in spite of the majestic beauty, of the -music; or, perhaps, the very tame end left the same cold -impression as Devrient's dramatic failure. In any case there was -no real enthusiasm, and the only sign of approval was a rather -lukewarm call for the celebrated master, who, covered with -numerous decorations, made a sad impression on me as he bowed his -thanks to the audience for their very moderate applause. - -Nobody was less blind to the somewhat disappointing result than -Spontini himself. He decided, however, to defy fate, and to this -end had recourse to means which he had often employed in Berlin, -in order to get packed houses for his operatic productions. Thus, -he always gave Sunday performances, for experience had taught him -that he could always have a full house on that day. As the next -Sunday on which his Vestalin was to be produced was still some -time ahead, his prolonged stay gave us several more chances of -enjoying his interesting company. I have such a vivid -recollection of the hours spent with him either at Madame -Devrient's or at my house, that I shall be pleased to quote a few -reminiscences. - -I shall never forget a dinner at Schroder-Devrient's house at -which we had a charming conversation with Spontini and his wife -(a sister of the celebrated pianoforte maker, Erard). Spontini -generally listened deferentially to what the others had to say, -his attitude being that of a man who expected to be asked for his -opinion. When he did speak in the end it was with a sort of -rhetorical solemnity, in sharp and precise sentences, categorical -and well accentuated, which forbade contradiction from the -outset. Herr Ferdinand Hiller was among the invited guests, and -he began to speak about Liszt. After some time Spontini gave his -opinion in his characteristic fashion, but in a spirit which -showed only too clearly, that from the heights of his Berlin -throne he had not judged the affairs of the world either with -impartiality or goodwill. While he was laying down the law in -this style he could not brook any interruption. When, therefore, -during the dessert, the general conversation became livelier, and -Madame Devrient happened to laugh with her neighbour at the table -in the middle of a long harangue of Spontini's, he shot an -extremely angry glance at his wife. Madame Devrient apologised -for her at once by saying that it was she (Madame Devrient) who -had been laughing about some lines on a bonbonniere, whereupon -Spontini retorted: 'Pourtant je suis sur que c'est ma femme qui a -suscite ce rire; je ne veux pas que l'on rie devant moi, je ne -rie jamais moi, j'aime le serieux.' In spite of that he sometimes -succeeded in being jovial. For instance, it amused him to set us -all wondering at the way in which he crunched enormous lumps of -sugar with his marvellous teeth. After dinner, when we drew our -chairs closer together, he usually became very excited. - -As far as he was capable of affection he seemed really to like -me; he declared openly that he loved me, and said that he would -prove this best by trying to keep me from the misfortune of -proceeding in my career as a dramatic composer. He said he knew -it would be difficult to convince me of the value of this -friendly service, but as he felt it his sacred duty to look after -my happiness in this particular line, he was prepared to stay in -Dresden for another half-year, during which period he suggested -that we should produce his other operas, and especially Agnes von -Hohenstaufen, under his direction. To explain his views about the -fatal mistake of trying to succeed as a dramatic composer 'after -Spontini,' he began by praising me in these terms: 'Quand j'ai -entendu votre Rienzi, j'ai dit, c'est un homme de genie, mais -deja il a plus fait qu'il ne peut faire.' In order to show me -what he meant by this paradox, he proceeded as follows: 'Apres -Gluck c'est moi qui ai fait la grande revolution avec la Vestale; -j'ai introduit le Vorhalt de la sexte' (the suspension of the -sixth) 'dans l'harmonie et la grosse caisse dans l'orchestre; -avec Cortez j'ai fait un pas de plus en avant; puis j'ai fait -trois pas avec Olympic. Nurmahal, Alcidor et tout ce que j'ai -fait dans les premiers temps a Berlin, je vous les livre, -c'etaient des oeuvres occasionnelles; mais depuis j'ai fait cent -pas en avant avec Agnes de Hohenstaufen, ou j'ai imagine un -emploi de l'orchestre remplacant parfaitement l'orgue.' - -Since then he had tried his hand at a new work, Les Atheniennes; -the Crown Prince (now King of Prussia [Footnote: William the -First.]) had urged him to finish this work, and to testify to the -truth of his words, he took several letters which he had received -from this monarch out of his pocket-book, and handed them to us -for inspection. Not until he had insisted upon our reading them -carefully through did he continue by saying that, in spite of -this flattering invitation, he had given up the idea of setting -this excellent subject to music, because he felt sure he could -never surpass his Agnes von Hohenstaufen, nor invent anything -new. In conclusion he said: 'Or, comment voulez-vous que -quiconque puisse inventer quelque chose de nouveau, moi Spontini -declarant ne pouvoir en aucune facon surpasser mes oeuvres -precedentes, d'autre part etant avise que depuis la Vestale il -n'a point ete ecrit une note qui ne fut volee de mes partitions.' - -To prove that this assertion was not merely talk, but that it was -based on scientific investigations, he quoted his wife, who was -supposed to have read with him an elaborate discussion on the -subject by a celebrated member of the French academy, and he -added that the essay in question had, for some mysterious reason, -never been printed. In this very important and scientific -treatise it was proved that without Spontini's invention of the -suspension of the sixth in his Vestalin, the whole of modern -melody would not have existed, and that any and every form of -melody that had been used since had been borrowed from his -compositions. I was thunderstruck, but hoped all the same to -bring the inexorable master to a better frame of mind, especially -in regard to certain reservations he had made. I acknowledged -that the academician in question was right in many ways, but I -asked him if he did not believe that if somebody brought him a -dramatic poem full of an absolutely new and hitherto unknown -spirit, it would not inspire him to invent new musical -combinations? With a ring of compassion in his voice, he replied -that my question was wholly mistaken; in what would the novelty -consist? 'Dans la Vestale j'ai compose un sujet romain, dans -Ferdinand Cortez un sujet espagnol-mexicain, dans Olympic un -sujet greco-macedonien, enfin dans Agnes de Hohenstaufen un sujet -allemand: tout le reste ne vaut rien!' He hoped that I was not -thinking of the so-called romantic style a la Freischutz? With -such childish stuff no serious man could have anything to do; for -art was a serious thing, and he had exhausted serious art! And, -after all, what nation could produce the composer who could -surpass HIM? Surely not the Italians, whom he characterised -simply as cochons; certainly not the French, who had only -imitated the Italians; nor the Germans, who would never get -beyond their childhood in music, and who, if they had ever -possessed any talent, had had it all spoilt for them by the Jews? -'Oh, croyez-moi, il y avait de l'espoir pour l'Allemagne lorsque -j'etais empereur de la musique a Berlin; mais depuis que le roi -de Prusse a livre sa musique au desordre occasionne par les deux -juifs errants qu'il a attires, tout espoir est perdu.' - -Our charming hostess now thought it time to change the subject, -and to divert the master's thoughts. The theatre was situated -quite near to her house; she invited him to go across with our -friend Heine, who was amongst the guests, and to have a look at -Antigone, which was then being given, and which was sure to -interest him on account of the antique equipment of the stage, -which had been carried out according to Semper's excellent plans. -At first he wanted to refuse, on the plea that he had seen all -this so much better when his Olympia had been performed. After a -while he consented; but in a very short time he returned to his -original opinion, and, smiling scornfully, assured us that he had -seen and heard enough to strengthen him in his verdict. Heine -told us that shortly after he and Spontini had taken their seats -in the almost empty amphitheatre, and as soon as the Bacchus -chorus had started, Spontini had said to him: 'C'est de la -Berliner Sing-Academie, allons-nous-en.' Through an open door a -streak of light had fallen on a lonely figure behind one of the -columns; Heine had recognised Mendelssohn, and concluded that he -had overheard Spontini's remark. - -From the master's very excited conversations we soon realised -very distinctly that he intended to stay longer in Dresden, so as -to get all his operas performed. It was Schroder-Devrient's idea -to save Spontini, in his own interest, from the mortifying -disappointment of finding all his enthusiastic hopes in regard to -a second performance of Vestalin unfounded, and, if possible, to -prevent this second performance during his stay in Dresden. She -pretended to be ill, and the director requested me to inform -Spontini of the fact that his production would have to be -indefinitely postponed. This visit was so distasteful to me, that -I was glad to make it in Rockel's company. He was also a friend -of Spontini's, and his French was moreover much better than mine. -As we were quite prepared for a bad reception, we were really -frightened to enter. Imagine, therefore, our astonishment when we -found the master, who had already been informed of the news in a -letter from Devrient, in the very brightest spirits. - -He told us that he had to leave immediately for Paris, and that -from there he was to travel to Rome, the Holy Father having -commanded him to come in order to receive the title of 'Count of -San Andrea.' Then he showed us a second document, in which the -King of Denmark was supposed to have raised him to the Danish -nobility. This meant, however, only that the title of 'Ritter' of -the 'Elephanten-Order' had been conferred upon him; and although -this was indeed a high honour, in speaking about it he only -mentioned the word 'Ritter' without referring to the particular -order, because this seemed to him too ordinary for a person of -his dignity. He was, however, childishly pleased over the affair, -and felt that he had been miraculously rescued from the narrow -sphere of his Dresden Vestalin production to find himself -suddenly transported into regions of glory, from which he looked -down upon the distressing 'opera' world with sublime self- -content. - -Meanwhile Rockel and I silently thanked the Holy Father and the -King of Denmark from the bottom of our hearts. We bode an -affectionate farewell to the strange master, and to cheer him I -promised him seriously to think over his friendly advice with -regard to my career as a composer of opera. - -Later on I heard what Spontini had said about me, on hearing that -I had fled from Dresden for political reasons, and had sought -refuge in Switzerland. He thought that this was in consequence of -my share in a plot of high treason against the King of Saxony, -whom he looked upon as my benefactor, because I had been -nominated conductor of the royal orchestra, and he expressed his -opinion about me by ejaculating in tones of the deepest anguish: -'Quelle ingratitude!' - -From Berlioz, who was at Spontini's deathbed until the end, I -heard that the master had struggled most determinedly against -death, and had cried repeatedly, 'Je ne veux pas mourir, je ne -veux pas mourir!' When Berlioz tried to comfort him by saying, -'Comment pouvez-vous penser mourir vous, mon maitre, qui etes -immortel!' Spontini retorted angrily, 'Ne faites pas de mauvaises -plaisanteries!' In spite of all the extraordinary experiences I -had had with him, the news of his death, which I received in -Zurich, touched me very deeply. Later on I expressed my feelings -towards him, and my opinion of him as an artist, in a somewhat -condensed form in the Eidgenossischen Zeitung, and in this -article the quality I extolled more particularly in him was that, -unlike Meyerbeer, who was then the rage, and the very aged -Rossini, he believed absolutely in himself and his art. All the -same, and somewhat to my disgust, I could not but see that this -belief in himself had deteriorated into a veritable superstition. - -I do not remember in those days having gone deeply into my -feelings about Spontini's exceedingly strange individuality, nor -do I recollect having troubled to discover how far they were -consistent with the high opinion I formed of him after I had got -to know him more intimately. Obviously I had only seen the -caricature of the man, although the tendency towards such plainly -overweening self-confidence may, at all events, have manifested -itself earlier in life. At the same time, one could trace in all -this the influence of the decay of the musical and dramatic life -of the period, which Spontini, situated as he was in Berlin, was -well able to witness. The surprising fact that he saw his chief -merit in unessential details showed plainly that his judgment had -become childish; in my opinion this did not detract from the -great value of his works, however much he might exaggerate their -value. In a sense I could justify his boundless self-confidence, -which was principally the outcome of the comparison between -himself and the great composers who were now replacing him; for -in my heart of hearts I shared the contempt which he felt for -these artists, although I did not dare to say so openly. And thus -it came about that, in spite of his many somewhat absurd -idiosyncrasies, I learned during this meeting at Dresden to feel -a deep sympathy for this man, the like of whom I was never again -to meet. - -My next experiences of important musical celebrities of this age -were of quite a different character. Amongst the more -distinguished of these was Heinrich Marschner, who, as a very -young man, had been nominated musical director of the Dresden -orchestra by Weber. After Weber's death he seemed to have hoped -that he would take his place entirely, and it was due less to the -fact that his talent was still unknown, than to his repellent -manner, that he was disappointed in his expectations. His wife, -however, suddenly came into some money, and this windfall enabled -him to devote all his energies to his work as composer of operas, -without being obliged to fill any fixed post. - -During the wild days of my youth Marschner lived in Leipzig, -where his operas Der Vampir and Templer und Judin saw their first -appearance. My sister Rosalie had once taken me to him in order -to hear his opinion about me. He did not treat me uncivilly, but -my visit led to nothing. I was also present at the first night of -his opera Des Falkner's Braut, which however was not a success. -Then he went to Hanover. His opera Hans Heiling, which was -originally produced in Berlin, I heard for the first time in -Wurzburg; it showed vacillation in its tendency, and a decrease -in constructive power. After that he produced several other -operas, such as Das Schloss am Aetna and Der Babu, which never -became popular. He was always neglected by the management at -Dresden, as though they bore him some grudge, and only his -Templer was played at all often. My colleague, Reissiger, had to -conduct this opera, and as in his absence I always had to take -his place, it also fell to my lot on one occasion to direct a -performance of this work. - -This was during the time that I worked at my Tannhauser. I -remember that, although I had often conducted this opera before -in Magdeburg, on this occasion the wild nature of the -instrumentation and its lack of mastership affected me to such an -extent that it literally made me ill, and as soon as he returned, -therefore, I implored Reissiger at any cost to resume the -leadership. On the other hand, immediately after my nomination I -had started on the production of Hans Heiling, but merely for the -sake of the artistic honour. The insufficient distribution of the -parts, however, a difficulty which in those days could not be -overcome, made a complete success impossible. In any case, -though, the whole spirit of the work seemed to be terribly old- -fashioned. - -I now heard that Marschner had finished another opera called -Adolph von Nassau, and in a criticism of this work, of the -genuineness of which I was unable to judge, particular stress was -laid upon the 'patriotic and noble German atmosphere' of this new -creation. I did my best to make the Dresden theatre take the -initiative, and to urge Luttichau to secure this opera before it -was produced elsewhere. Marschner, who did not seem to have been -treated with particular consideration by the Hanoverian opera -authorities, accepted the invitation with great joy, sent his -score, and declared himself willing to come to Dresden for the -first performance. Luttichau, however, was not anxious to see him -take his place at the head of the orchestra; while I, also, was -of the opinion that the too frequent appearance of outside -conductors, even if it were for the purpose of conducting their -own works, would not only lead to confusion, but might also fail -to be as amusing and instructive as Spontini's visit had proved -to be. It was therefore decided that I should conduct the new -opera myself. And how I lived to regret it! - -The score arrived: to a weak plot by Karl Golmick the composer of -the Templer had written such superficial music, that the -principal effect lay in a drinking song for a quartette, in which -the German Rhine and German wine played the usual stereotyped -part peculiar to such male quartettes. I lost all courage; but we -had to go on with it now, and all I could do was to try, by -maintaining a grave bearing, to make the singers take an interest -in their task; this, however, was not easy. To Tichatschek and -Mitterwurzer were assigned the two principal male parts; being -both eminently musical, they sang everything at first sight, and -after each number looked up at me as if to say, 'What do you -think of it all?' I maintained that it was good German music; -they must not allow themselves to get confused. But all they did -was to stare at each other in amazement, not knowing what to make -of me. Nevertheless, in the end they could not stand it any -longer, and when they saw that I still retained my gravity, they -burst into loud laughter, in which I could not help joining. - -I now had to take them into my confidence, and make them promise -to follow my lead and pretend to be serious, for it was -impossible to give up the opera at this stage. A Viennese -'colorature' singer of the latest style--Madame Spatser -Gentiluomo--who came to us from Hanover, and on whose services -Marschner greatly relied, was rather taken with her part chiefly -because it gave her the chance of showing 'brilliancy.' And, -indeed, there was a finale in which my 'German master' had -actually tried to steal a march on Donizetti. The Princess had -been poisoned by a golden rose, a present from the wicked Bishop -of Mainz, and had become delirious. Adolph von Nassau, with the -knights of the German empire, swears vengeance, and, accompanied -by the chorus, pours out his feelings in a stretta of such -incredible vulgarity and amateurishness that Donizetti would have -thrown it at the head of any of his pupils who had dared to -compose such a thing. Marschner now arrived for the dress -rehearsal; he was very pleased, and, without compelling me to -falsehood, he gave me sufficient opportunities for exercising my -powers in the art of concealing my real thoughts. At all events I -must have succeeded fairly well, for he had every reason to think -himself considerately and kindly treated by me. - -During the performance the public behaved very much as the -singers had done at the rehearsals. We had brought a still-born -child into the world. But Marschner was comforted by the fact -that his drinking quartette was encored. This was reminiscent of -one of Becker's songs: Sie sollen ihn nicht haben, den freien -deutschen Rhein ('They shall not have it, our free German -Rhine'). After the performance the composer was my guest at a -supper party at which, I am sorry to say, the singers, who had -had enough of it, would not attend. Herr Ferdinand Hiller had the -presence of mind to insist, in his toast to Marschner, that -'whatever one might say, all stress must be laid on the GERMAN -master and GERMAN art.' Strangely enough, Marschner himself -contradicted him by saying that there was something wrong with -German operatic compositions, and that one ought to consider the -singers and how to write more brilliantly for their voices than -he had succeeded in doing up to the present. - -Highly gifted as Marschner was, there can be no doubt that the -decline of his genius was due partly to a tendency which even in -the ageing master himself, as he frankly admitted, was effecting -an important and most salutary change. In later years I met him -once more in Paris at the time of my memorable production of -Tannhauser. I did not feel inclined to renew the old relations, -for, to tell the truth, I wanted to spare myself the -unpleasantness of witnessing the consequences of his change of -views, of which we had seen the beginning in Dresden. I learned -that he was in a state of almost helpless childishness, and that -he was in the hands of a young and ambitious woman, who was -trying to make a last attempt at conquering Paris for him. Among -other puff paragraphs calculated to spread Marschner's glory, I -read one which said that the Parisians must not believe that I -(Wagner) was representative of German art; no--if only Marschner -were given a hearing, it would be discovered that he was beyond a -doubt better suited to the French taste than I could ever be. -Marschner died before his wife had succeeded in establishing this -point. - -Ferdinand Hiller, on the other hand, who was in Dresden, behaved -in a very charming and friendly manner, particularly at this -time. Meyerbeer also stayed in the same town from time to time; -precisely why, nobody knew. Once he had rented a little house for -the summer near the Pirnaischer Schlag, and under a pretty tree -in the garden of this place he had had a small piano installed, -whereon, in this idyllic retreat, he worked at his Feldlager in -Schlesien. He lived in great retirement, and I saw very little of -him. Ferdinand Hiller, on the contrary, took a commanding -position in the Dresden musical world in so far as this was not -already monopolised by the royal orchestra and its masters, and -for many years he worked hard for its success. Having a little -private capital, he established himself comfortably amongst us, -and was soon known as a delightful host, who kept a pleasant -house, which, thanks to his wife's influence, was frequented by a -numerous Polish colony. Frau Hiller was indeed an exceptional -Jewish woman of Polish origin, and she was perhaps all the more -exceptional seeing that she, in company with her husband, had -been baptized a Protestant in Italy. Hiller began his career in -Dresden with the production of his opera, Der Traum in der -Christnacht. Since the unheard-of fact that Rienzi had been able -to rouse the Dresden public to lasting enthusiasm, many an opera -composer had felt himself drawn towards our 'Florence on the -Elbe,' of which Laube once said that as soon as one entered it -one felt bound to apologise because one found so many good things -there which one promptly forgot the moment one departed. - -The composer of Der Traum in der Christnacht looked upon this -work as a peculiarly 'German composition.' Hiller had set to -music a gruesome play by Raupach, Der Muller und sein Kind ('The -Miller and his Child'), in which father and daughter, within but -a short space of time, both die of consumption. He declared that -he had conceived the dialogue and the music of this opera in what -he called the 'popular style,' but this work met with the same -fate as that which, according to Liszt, befell all his -compositions. In spite of his undoubted musical merits, which -even Rossini acknowledged, and whether he gave them in French in -Paris or in Italian in Italy, it was his sad experience always to -see his operas fail. In Germany he had tried the Mendelssohnian -style, and had succeeded in composing an oratorio called Die -Zerstorung Jerusalems, which luckily was not taken notice of by -the moody theatre-going public, and which consequently received -the unassailable reputation of being 'a solid German work.' He -also took Mendelssohn's place as director of the Leipzig -Gewandhaus concerts when the latter was called to Berlin in the -capacity of general director. Hiller's evil fortune still pursued -him, however, and he was unable to retain his position, everybody -being given to understand that it was because his wife was not -sufficiently acknowledged as concert prima-donna. Mendelssohn -returned and made Hiller leave, and Hiller boasted of having -quarrelled with him. - -Dresden and the success of my Rienzi now weighed so much upon his -mind that he naturally made another attempt to succeed as an -opera composer. Owing to his great energy, and to his position as -son of a rich banker (a special attraction even to the director -of a court theatre), it happened that he induced them to put -aside my poor friend Rockel's Farinelli (the production of which -had been promised him) in favour of his (Hiller's) own work, Der -Traum in der Christnacht. He was of the opinion that next to -Reissiger and myself, a man of greater musical reputation than -Rockel was needed. Luttichau, however, was quite content to have -Reissiger and myself as celebrities, particularly as we got on so -well together, and he remained deaf to Hiller's wishes. To me Der -Traum in der Christnacht was a great nuisance. I had to conduct -it a second time, and before an empty house. Hiller now saw that -he had been wrong in not taking my advice before, and in not -shortening the opera by one act and altering the end, and he now -fancied that he was doing me a great favour by at last declaring -himself ready to act on my suggestion in the event of another -performance of his opera being possible. I really managed to have -it played once more. This was, however, to be the last time, and -Hiller, who had read my book of Tannhauser, thought that I had a -great advantage over him in writing my own words. He therefore -made me promise to help him with the choice and writing of a -subject for his next opera. - -Shortly afterwards Hiller was present at a performance of Rienzi, -which was again given before a crowded and enthusiastic house. -When, at the end of the second act, and after frantic recalls -from the audience, I left the orchestra in a great state of -excitement, Hiller, who was waiting for me in the passage, took -the opportunity of adding to his very hasty congratulations, 'Do -give my Traum once more!' I promised him laughingly to do this if -I had the chance, but I cannot remember whether it came off or -not. While he was waiting for the creation of an entirely new -plot for his next opera, Hiller devoted himself to the study of -chamber music, to which his large and well-furnished room lent -itself most admirably. - -A beautiful and solemn event added to the seriousness of the mood -in which I finished the music to Tannhauser towards the end of -the year, and neutralised the more superficial impressions made -upon me by the stirring events above described. This was the -removal of the remains of Carl Maria von Weber from London to -Dresden in December, 1844. As I have already said, a committee -had for years been agitating for this removal. From information -given by a certain traveller, it had become known that the -insignificant coffin which contained Weber's ashes had been -disposed of in such a careless way in a remote corner of St. -Paul's, that it was feared it might soon become impossible to -identify it. - -My energetic friend, Professor Lowe, whom I have already -mentioned, had availed himself of this information in order to -urge the Dresden Glee Club, which constituted his hobby, to take -the matter in hand. The concert of male singers arranged to this -end had been a fair success financially, and they now wanted to -induce the theatre management to make similar efforts, when -suddenly they met with serious opposition from this very quarter. -The management of the Dresden theatre told the committee that the -King had religious scruples with regard to disturbing the peace -of the dead. However much we felt inclined to doubt the -genuineness of these reasons, nothing could be done, and I was -next approached on the subject, in the hope that my influential -position might lend weight to my appeal. I entered into the -spirit of the enterprise with great fervour. I consented to be -made president; Herr Hofrat Schulz, director of the 'Antiken- -Cabinet,' who was a well-known authority on artistic matters, and -another gentleman, a Christian banker, were also elected members -of the committee, and the movement thus received fresh life. -Prospectuses were sent round, exhaustive plans were made, and -numerous meetings held. Here, again, I met with opposition on the -part of my chief, Luttichau; if he could have done so, he would -have forbidden me to move in the matter by making the most of the -King's scruples referred to above. But he had had a warning not -to pick a quarrel with me after his experience in the summer, -when, contrary to his expectations, the music written by me to -celebrate the King's arrival had found favour with the monarch. -As his antipathy to the proceedings was not so very serious, -Luttichau must have seen that even the direct opposition of his -Majesty could not have prevented the enterprise from being -carried out privately, and that, on the contrary, the court would -cut a sorry figure if the Royal Court Theatre (to which Weber -once belonged) should assume a hostile attitude. He therefore -tried in a would-be friendly way to make me desist from -furthering the cause, well knowing that, without me, the plan -would fail. He tried to convince me that it would be wrong to pay -this exaggerated honour to Weber's memory, whereas nobody thought -of removing the ashes of Morlacchi from Italy, although the -latter had given his services to the royal orchestra for a much -longer period than Weber had done. What would be the consequence? -By way of argument he said, 'Suppose Reissiger died on his -journey to some watering-place--his wife would then be as much -justified as was Frau von Weber (who had annoyed him quite enough -already) in expecting her husband's dead body to be brought home -with music and pomp.' I tried to calm him, and if I did not -succeed in making him see the difference between Reissiger and -Weber, I managed to make him understand that the affair must take -its course, as the Berlin Court Theatre had already announced a -benefit performance to support our undertaking. - -Meyerbeer, to whom my committee had applied, was instrumental in -bringing this about, and a performance of Euryanthe was actually -given which yielded the handsome balance of six thousand marks. A -few theatres of lesser importance now followed our lead. The -Dresden Court Theatre, therefore, could not hold back any longer, -and as we now had a fairly large sum at the bank, we were able to -cover the expenses of the removal, as well as the cost of an -appropriate vault and monument; we even had a nucleus fund for a -statue of Weber, which we were to fight for later on. The elder -of the two sons of the immortal master travelled to London to -fetch the remains of his father. He brought them by boat down the -Elbe, and finally arrived at the Dresden landing-stage, from -whence they were to be conducted to German soil. This last -journey of the remains was to take place at night. A solemn -torchlight procession was to be formed, and I had undertaken to -see to the funeral music. - -I arranged this from two motives out of Euryanthe, using that -part of the music in the overture which relates to the vision of -spirits. I introduced the Cavatina from Euryanthe--Hier dicht am -Quell ('Here near the source'), which I left unaltered, except -that I transposed it into B flat major, and I finished the whole, -as Weber finished his opera, by a return to the first sublime -motive. I had orchestrated this symphonic piece, which was well -suited to the purpose, for eight chosen wind instruments, and -notwithstanding the volume of sound, I had not forgotten softness -and delicacy of instrumentation. I substituted the gruesome -tremolo of the violas, which appears in that part of the overture -adapted by me, by twenty muffled drums, and as a whole attained -to such an exceedingly impressive effect, especially to us who -were full of thoughts of Weber, that, even in the theatre where -we rehearsed, Schroder-Devrient, who was present, and who had -been an intimate friend of Weber's, was deeply moved. I had never -carried out anything more in keeping with the character of the -subject; and the procession through the town was equally -impressive. - -As the very slow tempo, devoid of any strongly marked accents, -offered numerous difficulties, I had had the stage cleared for -the rehearsal, in order to command a sufficient space for the -musicians, once they had thoroughly practised the piece, to walk -round me in a circle playing all the while. Several of those who -witnessed the procession from their windows assured me that the -effect of the procession was indescribably and sublimely solemn. -After we had placed the coffin in the little mortuary chapel of -the Catholic cemetery in Friedrichstadt, where Madame Devrient -met it with a wreath of flowers, we performed, on the following -morning, the solemn ceremony of lowering it into the vault. Herr -Hofrat Schulz and myself, as presidents of the committee, were -allowed the honour of speaking by the graveside, and what -afforded me an appropriate subject for the few, somewhat -affecting, words which I had to pronounce, was the fact that, -shortly before the removal of Weber's remains, the second son of -the master, Alexander von Weber, had died. The poor mother had -been so terribly affected by the sudden death of this youth, so -full of life and health, that had we not been in the very midst -of our arrangements, we should have been compelled to abandon -them; for in this new loss the widow saw a judgment of God who, -in her opinion, looked upon the removal of the remains as an act -of sacrilege prompted by vanity. As the public seemed -particularly disposed to hold the same view, it fell to my lot to -set the nature of our undertaking in the proper light before the -eyes of the world. And this I so far succeeded in doing that, to -my satisfaction, I learned from all sides that my justification -of our action had received the most general acceptance. - -On this occasion I had a strange experience with regard to -myself, when for the first time in my life I had to deliver a -solemn public speech. Since then I have always spoken -extemporarily; this time, however, as it was my first appearance -as an orator, I had written out my speech, and carefully learned -it by heart. As I was thoroughly under the influence of my -subject, I felt so sure of my memory that I never thought of -making any notes. Thanks to this omission, however, I made my -brother Albert very unhappy. He was standing near me at the -ceremony, and he told me afterwards that, in spite of being -deeply moved, he felt at one moment as if he could have sworn at -me for not having asked him to prompt me. It happened in this -way: I began my speech in a clear and full voice, but suddenly -the sound of my own words, and their particular intonation, -affected me to such an extent that, carried away as I was by my -own thoughts, I imagined I SAW as well as HEARD myself before the -breathless multitude. While I thus appeared objectively to myself -I remained in a sort of trance, during which I seemed to be -waiting for something to happen, and felt quite a different -person from the man who was supposed to be standing and speaking -there. It was neither nervousness nor absent-mindedness on my -part; only at the end of a certain sentence there was such a long -pause that those who saw me standing there must have wondered -what on earth to think of me. At last my own silence and the -stillness round me reminded me that I was not there to listen, -but to speak. I at once resumed my discourse, and I spoke with -such fluency to the very end that the celebrated actor, Emil -Devrient, assured me that, apart from the solemn service, he had -been deeply impressed simply from the standpoint of a dramatic -orator. - -The ceremony concluded with a poem written and set to music by -myself, and, though it presented many difficulties for men's -voices, it was splendidly rendered by some of the best opera -singers. Luttichau, who was present, was now not only convinced -of the justice of the enterprise, but also strongly in favour of -it. I was deeply thankful that everything had succeeded so well, -and when Weber's widow, upon whom I called after the ceremony, -told me how profoundly she, too, had been moved, the only cloud -that still darkened my horizon was dispelled. In my youth I had -learned to love music through my admiration for Weber's genius, -and the news of his death was a terrible blow to me. To have, as -it were, come into contact with him again and after so many years -by this second funeral, was an event that stirred the very depths -of my being. - -From all the particulars I have given concerning my intimacy with -the great masters who were my contemporaries, it is easy to see -at what sources I had been able to quench my thirst for -intellectual intercourse. It was not a very satisfactory outlook -to turn from Weber's grave to his living successors; but I had -still to find out how absolutely hopeless this was. - -I spent the winter of 1844-5 partly in yielding to attractions -from outside, and partly in indulging in the deepest meditation. -By dint of great energy, and by getting up very early, even in -winter, I succeeded in completing my score to Tannhauser early in -April, having, as already stated, finished the composition of it -at the end of the preceding year. In writing down the -orchestration I made things particularly difficult for myself by -using the specially prepared paper which the printing process -renders necessary, and which involved me in all kinds of trying -formalities. I had each page transferred to the stone -immediately, and a hundred copies printed from each, hoping to -make use of these proofs for the rapid circulation of my work. -Whether my hopes were to be fulfilled or not, I was at all events -fifteen hundred marks out of pocket when all the expenses of the -publication were paid. - -In regard to this work which called for so many sacrifices, and -which was so slow and difficult, more details will appear in my -autobiography. At all events, when May came round I was in -possession of a hundred neatly bound copies of my first new work -since the production of the Fliegender Hollander, and Hiller, to -whom I showed some parts of it, formed a tolerably good -impression of its value. - -These plans for rapidly spreading the fame of my Tannhauser were -made with the hope of a success which, in view of my needy -circumstances, seemed ever more and more desirable. In the course -of one year since I had begun my own publication of my operas, -much had been done to this end. In September of the year 1844 I -had presented the King of Saxony with a special richly bound copy -of the complete pianoforte arrangement of Rienzi, dedicated to -his Majesty. The Fliegender Hollander had also been finished, and -the pianoforte arrangement of Rienzi for duet, as well as some -songs selected from both operas, had either been published or -were about to be published. Apart from this I had had twenty-five -copies made of the scores of both these operas by means of the -so-called autographic transfer process, although only from the -writing of the copyists. All these heavy expenses made it -absolutely imperative that I should try to send my scores to the -different theatres, and induce them to produce my operas, as the -outlay on the piano scores had been heavy, and these could only -have a sale if my works got to be known sufficiently well through -the theatre. - -I now sent the score of my Rienzi to the more important theatres, -but they all returned my work to me, the Munich Court Theatre -even sending it back unopened! I therefore knew what to expect, -and spared myself the trouble of sending my Dutchman. From a -speculative business point of view the situation was this: the -hoped-for success of Tannhauser would bring in its wake a demand -for my earlier works. The worthy Meser, my agent, who was the -music publisher appointed to the court, had also begun to feel a -little doubtful, and saw that this was the only thing to do. I -started at once on the publication of a pianoforte arrangement of -Tannhauser, preparing it myself while Rockel undertook the -Fliegender Hollander, and a certain Klink did Rienzi. - -The only thing that Meser was absolutely opposed to was the title -of my new opera, which I had just named Der Venusberg; he -maintained that, as I did not mix with the public, I had no idea -what horrible jokes were made about this title. He said the -students and professors of the medical school in Dresden would be -the first to make fun of it, as they had a predilection for that -kind of obscene joke. I was sufficiently disgusted by these -details to consent to the change. To the name of my hero, -Tannhauser, I added the name of the subject of the legend which, -although originally not belonging to the Tannhauser myth, was -thus associated with it by me, a fact which later on Simrock, the -great investigator and innovator in the world of legend, whom I -esteemed so highly, took very much amiss. - -Tannhauser und der Sangerkrieg auf Wartburg should henceforth be -its title, and to give the work a mediaeval appearance I had the -words specially printed in Gothic characters upon the piano -arrangement, and in this way introduced the work to the public. - - -The extra expenses this involved were very heavy; but I went to -great pains to impress Meser with my belief in the success of my -work. So deeply were we involved in this scheme, and so great -were the sacrifices it had compelled us to make, that there was -nothing else for it but to trust to a special turn of Fortune's -wheel. As it happened, the management of the theatre shared my -confidence in the success of Tannhauser. I had induced Luttichau -to have the scenery for Tannhauser painted by the best painters -of the great opera house in Paris. I had seen their work on the -Dresden stage: it belonged to the style of German scenic art -which was then fashionable, and really gave the effect of first- -class work. - -The order for this, as well as the necessary negotiations with -the Parisian painter, Desplechin, had already been settled in the -preceding autumn. The management agreed to all my wishes, even to -the ordering of beautiful costumes of mediaeval character -designed by my friend Heine. The only thing Luttichau constantly -postponed was the order for the Hall of Song on the Wartburg; he -maintained that the Hall for Kaiser Karl the Great in Oberon, -which had only recently been delivered by some French painters, -would answer the purpose just as well. With superhuman efforts I -had to convince my chief that we did not want a brilliant throne- -room, but a scenic picture of a certain character such as I saw -before my mind's eye, and that it could be painted only according -to my directions. As in the end I became very irritable and -cross, he soothed me by saying that he had no objection to having -this scene painted, and that he would order it to be commenced at -once, adding that he had not agreed immediately, only with the -view of making my joy the greater, because, what one obtained -without difficulty, one rarely appreciated. This Hall of Song was -fated to cause me great trouble later on. - -Thus everything was in full swing; circumstances were favourable, -and seemed to cast a hopeful light upon the production of my new -work at the beginning of the autumn season. Even the public was -looking forward to it, and for the first time I saw my name -mentioned in a friendly manner in a communication to the -Allgemeine Zeitung. They actually spoke of the great expectations -they had of my new work, the poem of which had been written 'with -undoubted poetic feeling.' - -Full of hope, I started in July on my holiday, which consisted of -a journey to Marienbad in Bohemia, where my wife and I intended -to take the cure. Again I found myself on the 'volcanic' soil of -this extraordinary country, Bohemia, which always had such an -inspiring effect on me. It was a marvellous summer, almost too -hot, and I was therefore in high spirits. I had intended to -follow the easy-going mode of life which is a necessary part of -this somewhat trying treatment, and had selected my books with -care, taking with me the poems of Wolfram von Eschenbach, edited -by Simrock and San Marte, as well as the anonymous epic -Lohengrin, with its lengthy introduction by Gorres. With my book -under my arm I hid myself in the neighbouring woods, and pitching -my tent by the brook in company with Titurel and Parcival, I lost -myself in Wolfram's strange, yet irresistibly charming, poem. -Soon, however, a longing seized me to give expression to the -inspiration generated by this poem, so that I had the greatest -difficulty in overcoming my desire to give up the rest I had been -prescribed while partaking of the water of Marienbad. - -The result was an ever-increasing state of excitement. Lohengrin, -the first conception of which dates from the end of my time in -Paris, stood suddenly revealed before me, complete in every -detail of its dramatic construction. The legend of the swan which -forms such an important feature of all the many versions of this -series of myths that my studies had brought to my notice, -exercised a singular fascination over my imagination. - -Remembering the doctor's advice, I struggled bravely against the -temptation of writing down my ideas, and resorted to the most -strange and energetic methods. Owing to some comments I had read -in Gervinus's History of German Literature, both the -Meistersinger von Nurnberg and Hans Sachs had acquired quite a -vital charm for me. The Marker alone, and the part he takes in -the Master-singing, were particularly pleasing to me, and on one -of my lonely walks, without knowing anything particular about -Hans Sachs and his poetic contemporaries, I thought out a -humorous scene, in which the cobbler--as a popular artisan-poet-- -with the hammer on his last, gives the Marker a practical lesson -by making him sing, thereby taking revenge on him for his -conventional misdeeds. To me the force of the whole scene was -concentrated in the two following points: on the one hand the -Marker, with his slate covered with chalk-marks, and on the other -Hans Sachs holding up the shoes covered with his chalk-marks, -each intimating to the other that the singing had been a failure. -To this picture, by way of concluding the second act, I added a -scene consisting of a narrow, crooked little street in Nuremberg, -with the people all running about in great excitement, and -ultimately engaging in a street brawl. Thus, suddenly, the whole -of my Meistersinger comedy took shape so vividly before me, that, -inasmuch as it was a particularly cheerful subject, and not in -the least likely to over-excite my nerves, I felt I must write it -out in spite of the doctor's orders. I therefore proceeded to do -this, and hoped it might free me from the thrall of the idea of -Lohengrin; but I was mistaken; for no sooner had I got into my -bath at noon, than I felt an overpowering desire to write out -Lohengrin, and this longing so overcame me that I could not wait -the prescribed hour for the bath, but when a few minutes elapsed, -jumped out and, barely giving myself time to dress, ran home to -write out what I had in my mind. I repeated this for several days -until the complete sketch of Lohengrin was on paper. - -The doctor then told me I had better give up taking the waters -and baths, saying emphatically that I was quite unfit for such -cures. My excitement had grown to such an extent that even my -efforts to sleep as a rule ended only in nocturnal adventures. -Among some interesting excursions that we made at this time, one -to Eger fascinated me particularly, on account of its association -with Wallenstein and of the peculiar costumes of the inhabitants. - -In mid-August we travelled back to Dresden, where my friends were -glad to see me in such good spirits; as for myself, I felt as if -I had wings. In September, when all our singers had returned from -their summer holidays, I resumed the rehearsals of Tannhauser -with great earnestness. We had now got so far, at least with the -musical part of the performance, that the possible date of the -production seemed quite close at hand. Schroder-Devrient was one -of the first to realise the extraordinary difficulties which the -production of Tannhauser would entail. And, indeed, she saw these -difficulties so clearly that, to my great discomfiture, she was -able to lay them all before me. Once, when I called upon her, she -read the principal passages aloud with great feeling and force, -and then she asked me how I could have been so simple-minded as -to have thought that so childish a creature as Tichatschek would -be able to find the proper tones for Tannhauser. I tried to bring -her attention and my own to bear upon the nature of the music, -which was written so clearly in order to bring out the necessary -accent, that, in my opinion, the music actually spoke for him who -interpreted the passage, even if he were only a musical singer -and nothing more. She shook her head, saying that this would be -all right in the case of an oratorio. - -She now sang Elizabeth's prayer from the piano score, and asked -me if I really thought that this music would answer my intentions -if sung by a young and pretty voice without any soul or without -that experience of life which alone could give the real -expression to the interpretation. I sighed and said that, in that -case, the youthfulness of the voice and of its owner must make up -for what was lacking: at the same time, I asked her as a favour -to see what she could do towards making my niece, Johanna, -understand her part. All this, however, did not solve the -Tannhauser problem, for any effort at teaching Tichatschek would -only have resulted in confusion. I was therefore obliged to rely -entirely upon the energy of his voice, and on the singer's -peculiarly sharp 'speaking' tone. - -Devrient's anxiety about the principal parts arose partly out of -concern about her own. She did not know what to do with the part -of Venus; she had undertaken it for the sake of the success of -the performance, for although a small part, so much depended upon -its being ideally interpreted! Later on, when the work was given -in Paris, I became convinced that this part had been written in -too sketchy a style, and this induced me to reconstruct it by -making extensive additions, and by supplying all that which I -felt it lacked. For the moment, however, it looked as if no art -on the part of the singer could give to this sketch anything of -what it ought to represent. The only thing that might have helped -towards a satisfactory impersonation of Venus would have been the -artist's confidence in her own great physical attraction, and in -the effect it would help to produce by appealing to the purely -material sympathies of the public. The certainty that these means -were no longer at her disposal paralysed this great singer, who -could hide her age and matronly appearance no longer. She -therefore became self-conscious, and unable to use even the usual -means for gaining an effect. On one occasion, with a little smile -of despair, she expressed herself incapable of playing Venus, for -the very simple reason that she could not appear dressed like the -goddess. 'What on earth am I to wear as Venus?' she exclaimed. -'After all, I cannot be clad in a belt alone. A nice figure of -fun I should look, and you would laugh on the wrong side of your -face!' - -On the whole, I still built my hopes upon the general effect of -the music alone, the great promise of which at the rehearsals -greatly encouraged me. Hiller, who had looked through the score -and had already praised it, assured me that the instrumentation -could not have been carried out with greater sobriety. The -characteristic and delicate sonority of the orchestra delighted -me, and strengthened me in my resolve to be extremely sparing in -the use of my orchestral material, in order to attain that -abundance of combinations which I needed for my later works. - -At the rehearsal my wife alone missed the trumpets and trombones -that gave such brightness and freshness to Rienzi. Although I -laughed at this, I could not help feeling anxious when she -confided to me how great had been her disappointment when, at the -theatre rehearsal, she noticed the really feeble impression made -by the music of the Sangerkrieg. Speaking from the point of view -of the public, who always want to be amused or stirred in some -way or other, she had thus very rightly called attention to an -exceedingly questionable side of the performance. But I saw at -once that the fault lay less with the conception than with the -fact that I had not controlled the production with sufficient -care. - -In regard to the conception of this scene I was literally on the -horns of a dilemma, for I had to decide once for all whether this -Sangerkrieg was to be a concert of arias or a competition in -dramatic poetry. There are many people even nowadays, who, in -spite of having witnessed a perfectly successful production of -this scene, have not received the right impression of its -purport. Their idea is that it belongs to the traditional -operatic 'genre,' which demands that a number of vocal evolutions -shall be juxtaposed or contrasted, and that these different songs -are intended to amuse and interest the audience by means of their -purely musical changes in rhythm and time on the principle of a -concert programme, i.e. by various items of different styles. -This was not at all my idea: my real intention was, if possible, -to force the listener, for the first time in the history of -opera, to take an interest in a poetical idea, by making him -follow all its necessary developments. For it was only by virtue -of this interest that he could be made to understand the -catastrophe, which in this instance was not to be brought about -by any outside influence, but must be the outcome simply of the -natural spiritual processes at work. Hence the need of great -moderation and breadth in the conception of the music; first, in -order that according to my principle it might prove helpful -rather than the reverse to the understanding of the poetical -lines, and secondly, in order that the increasing rhythmic -character of the melody which marks the ardent growth of passion -may not be interrupted too arbitrarily by unnecessary changes in -modulation and rhythm. Hence, too, the need of a very sparing use -of orchestral instruments for the accompaniment, and an -intentional suppression of all those purely musical effects which -must be utilised, and that gradually, only when the situation -becomes so intense that one almost ceases to think, and can only -feel the tragic nature of the crisis. No one could deny that I -had contrived to produce the proper effect of this principle the -moment I played the Sangerkrieg on the piano. With the view of -ensuring all my future successes, I was now confronted with the -exceptional difficulty of making the opera singers understand how -to interpret their parts precisely in the way I desired. I -remembered how, through lack of experience, I had neglected -properly to superintend the production of the Fliegender -Hollander, and as I now fully realised all the disastrous -consequences of this neglect, I began to think of means by which -I could teach the singers my own interpretation. I have already -stated that it was impossible to influence Tichatschek, for if he -were made to do things he could not understand, he only became -nervous and confused. He was conscious of his advantages. He knew -that with his metallic voice he could sing with great musical -rhythm and accuracy, while his delivery was simply perfect. But, -to my great astonishment, I was soon to learn that all this did -not by any means suffice; for, to my horror, at the first -performance, that which had strangely escaped my notice in the -rehearsals became suddenly apparent to me. At the close of the -Sangerkrieg, when Tannhauser (in frantic excitement, and -forgetful of everybody present) has to sing his praise to Venus, -and I saw Tichatschek moving towards Elizabeth and addressing his -passionate outburst to her, I thought of Schroder-Devrient's -warning in very much the same way as Croesus must have thought -when he cried, 'O Solon! Solon!' at the funeral pyre. In spite of -the musical excellence of Tichatschek, the enormous life and -melodic charm of the Sangerkrieg failed entirely. - -On the other hand, I succeeded in calling into life an entirely -new element such as probably had never been seen in opera! I had -watched the young baritone Mitterwurzer with great interest in -some of his parts--he was a strangely reticent man, and not at -all sociably inclined, and I had noticed that his delightfully -mellow voice possessed the rare quality of bringing out the inner -note of the soul. To him I entrusted Wolfram, and I had every -reason to be satisfied with his zeal and with the success of his -studies. Therefore, if I wished my intention and method to become -known, especially in regard to this difficult Sangerkrieg, I had -to rely on him for the proper execution of my plans and -everything they involved. I began by going through the opening -song of this scene with him; but, after I had done my utmost to -make him understand how I wanted it done, I was surprised to find -how very difficult this particular rendering of the music -appeared to him. He was absolutely incapable of repeating it -after me, and with each renewed effort his singing became so -commonplace and so mechanical that I realised clearly that he had -not understood this piece to be anything more than a phrase in -recitative form, which he might render with any inflections of -the voice that happened to be prescribed, or which might be sung -either this way or that, according to fancy, as was usual in -operatic pieces. He, too, was astonished at his own want of -capacity, but was so struck by the novelty and the justice of my -views, that he begged me not to try any more for the present, but -to leave him to find out for himself how best to become familiar -with this newly revealed world. During several rehearsals he only -sang in a whisper in order to get over the difficulty, but at the -last rehearsal he acquitted himself so admirably of his task, and -threw himself into it so heartily, that his work has remained to -this day as my most conclusive reason for believing that, in -spite of the unsatisfactory state of the world of opera to-day, -it is possible not only to find, but also properly to train, the -singer whom I should regard as indispensable for a correct -interpretation of my works. It was through the impression made by -Mitterwurzer that I ultimately succeeded in making the public -understand the whole of my work. This man, who had utterly -changed himself in bearing, look, and appearance in order to fit -himself to the role of Wolfram, had, in thus solving the problem, -not only become a thorough artist, but by his interpretation of -his part had also proved himself my saviour at the very moment -when my work was threatening to fail through the unsatisfactory -result of the first performance. - -By his side the part of Elizabeth made a sweet impression. The -youthful appearance of my niece, her tall and slender form, the -decidedly German cast of her features, as well as the -incomparable beauty of her voice, with its expression of almost -childlike innocence, helped her to gain the hearts of the -audience, even though her talent was more theatrical than -dramatic. She soon rose to fame by her impersonation of this -part, and often in later years, when speaking about Tannhauser -performances in which she had appeared, people used to tell me -that its success had been entirely due to her. Strange to say, in -such reports people referred principally to the charm of her -acting at the moment when she received the guests in the Wartburg -Hall; and I used to account for this by remembering the untiring -efforts with which my talented brother and I had trained her to -perform this very part. And yet it was never possible to make her -understand the proper interpretation of the prayer in the third -act, and I felt inclined to say, 'O Solon! Solon!' as I had done -in the case of Tichatschek, when after the first performance I -was obliged to make a considerable cut in this solo, a proceeding -which greatly reduced its importance for ever afterwards. I heard -later that Johanna, who for a short period actually had the -reputation of being a great singer, had never succeeded in -singing the prayer as it ought to be sung, whereas a French -singer, Mademoiselle Marie Sax, achieved this in Paris to my -entire satisfaction. - -In the beginning of October we had so far progressed with our -rehearsals that nothing stood in the way of an immediate -production of Tannhauser save the scenery, which was not yet -complete. A few only of the scenes ordered from Paris had -arrived, and even these had come very late. The Wartburg Valley -was beautifully effective and perfect in every detail. The inner -part of the Venusberg, however, gave me much anxiety: the painter -had not understood me; he had painted clusters of trees and -statues, which reminded one of Versailles, and had placed them -in a wild cave; he had evidently not known how to combine the -weird with the alluring. I had to insist on extensive -alterations, and chiefly on the painting out of the shrubs and -statues, all of which required time. The grotto had to lie half -hidden in a rosy cloud, through which the Wartburg Valley had to -loom in the distance; this was to be done in strict obedience to -my own ideas. - -The greatest misfortune, however, was to befall me in the shape -of the tardy delivery of the scenery for the Hall of Song. This -was due to great negligence on the part of the Paris artists; and -we waited and waited until every detail of the opera had been -studied and studied again ad nauseam. Daily I went to the railway -station and examined all the packages and boxes that had arrived, -but there was no Hall of Song. At last I allowed myself to be -persuaded not to postpone the first performance any longer, and I -decided to use the Hall of Karl the Great out of Oberon, -originally suggested to me by Luttichau, instead of the real -thing. Considering the importance I attached to practical effect, -this entailed a great sacrifice of my personal feelings. And true -enough, when the curtain rose for the second act, the -reappearance of this throne-room, which the public had seen so -often, added considerably to the general disappointment of the -audience, who had anticipated astonishing surprises in this -opera. - -On the 19th of October the first performance took place. In the -morning of that day a very beautiful young lady was introduced to -me by the leader Lipinsky. Her name was Mme. Ivalergis, and she -was a niece of the Russian Chancellor, Count von Nesselrode. -Liszt had spoken to her about me with such enthusiasm that she -had travelled all the way to Dresden especially to hear the first -production of my new work. I thought I was right in regarding -this flattering visit as a good omen. But although on this -occasion she turned away from me, somewhat perplexed and -disappointed by the very unintelligible performance and the -somewhat doubtful reception with which it met, I had sufficient -cause in after-years to know how deeply this remarkable and -energetic woman had nevertheless been impressed. - -A great contrast to this visit was one I received from a peculiar -man called C. Gaillard. He was the editor of a Berlin musical -paper, which had only just started, and in which I had read with -great astonishment an entirely favourable and important criticism -of my Fliegender Hollander. Although necessity had compelled me -to remain indifferent to the attitude of the critics, yet this -particular notice gave me much pleasure, and I had invited my -unknown critic to come and hear the first production of -Tannhauser in Dresden. - -This he did, and I was deeply touched to find that I had to deal -with a young man who, in spite of being threatened by -consumption, and being also exceedingly badly off, had come at my -invitation, simply from a sense of duty and honour, and not with -any mercenary motive. I saw from his knowledge and capacities -that he would never be able to attain a position of great -influence, but his kindness of heart and his extraordinarily -receptive mind filled me with a feeling of profound respect for -him. A few years later I was very sorry to hear that he had at -last succumbed to the terrible disease from which I knew him to -be suffering; for to the very end he remained faithful and -devoted to me, in spite of the most trying circumstances. - -Meanwhile I had renewed my acquaintance with the friend I had won -through the production of the Fliegender Hollander in Berlin, and -who for a long time I had never had an opportunity of knowing -more thoroughly. The second time I met her was at Schroder- -Devrient's, with whom she was already on friendly terms, and of -whom she used to speak as 'one of my greatest conquests.' - -She was already past her first youth, and had no beauty of -feature except remarkably penetrating and expressive eyes that -showed the greatness of soul with which she was gifted. She was -the sister of Frommann, the bookseller of Jena, and could relate -many intimate facts about Goethe, who had stayed at her brother's -house when he was in that town. She had held the position of -reader and companion to the Princess Augusta of Prussia, and had -thus become intimately acquainted with her, and was regarded by -her own association as almost a bosom friend and confidante of -that great lady. Nevertheless, she lived in extreme poverty, and -seemed proud of being able, by means of her talent as a painter -of arabesques, to secure for herself some sort of independence. -She always remained faithfully devoted to me, as she was one of -the few who were uninfluenced by the unfavourable impression -produced by the first performance of Tannhauser, and promptly -expressed her appreciation of my latest work with the greatest -enthusiasm. - -With regard to the production itself the conclusions I drew from -it were as follows: the real faults in the work, which I have -already mentioned incidentally, lay in the sketchy and clumsy -portrayal of the part of Venus, and consequently of the whole of -the introductory scene of the first act. In consequence of this -defect the drama never even rose to the level of genuine warmth, -still less did it attain to the heights of passion which, -according to the poetic conception of the part, should so -strongly work upon the feelings of the audience as to prepare -them for the inevitable catastrophe in which the scene -culminates, and thus lead up to the tragic denouement. This great -scene was a complete failure, in spite of the fact that it was -entrusted to so great an actress as Schroder-Devrient, and a -singer so unusually gifted as Tichatschek. The genius of Devrient -might yet have struck the right note of passion in the scene had -she not chanced to be acting with a singer incapable of all -dramatic seriousness, and whose natural gifts only fitted him for -joyous or declamatory accents, and who was totally incapable of -expressing pain and suffering. It was not until Wolfram's -touching song and the closing scene of this act were reached that -the audience showed any signs of emotion. Tichatschek wrought -such a tremendous effect in the concluding phrase by the jubilant -music of his voice that, as I was afterwards informed, the end of -this first act left the audience in a great state of enthusiasm. -This was maintained, and even exceeded in the second act, during -which Elizabeth and Wolfram made a very sympathetic impression. -It was only the hero of Tannhauser who continued to lose ground, -and at last so completely failed to hold the audience that in the -final scene he almost broke down himself in dejection, as though -the failure of Tannhauser were his own. The fatal defect of his -performance lay in his inability to find the right expression for -the theme of the great Adagio passage of the finale beginning -with the words: 'To lead the sinner to salvation, the Heaven-sent -messenger drew near.' The importance of this passage I have -explained at length in my subsequent instructions for the -production of Tannhauser. Indeed, owing to Tichatschek's -absolutely expressionless rendering, which made it seem terribly -long and tedious, I had to omit it entirely from the second -performance. As I did not wish to offend so devoted and, in his -way, so deserving a man as Tichatschek, I let it be understood I -had come to the conclusion that this theme was a failure. -Moreover, as Tichatschek was thought to be an actor chosen by -myself to take the parts of the heroes in my works, this passage, -which was so immeasurably vital to the opera, continued to be -omitted in all the subsequent productions of Tannhauser, as -though this proceeding had been approved and demanded by me. I -therefore cherished no illusions about the value of the -subsequent universal success of this opera on the German stage. -My hero, who, in rapture as in woe, should always have asserted -his feelings with boundless energy, slunk away at the end of the -second act with the humble bearing of a penitent sinner, only to -reappear in the third with a demeanour designed to awaken the -charitable sympathy of the audience. His pronunciation of the -Pope's excommunication, however, was rendered with his usual full -rhetorical power, and it was refreshing to hear his voice -dominating the accompanying trombones. Granted that this radical -defect in the hero's acting had left the public in a doubtful and -unsatisfied state of suspense regarding the meaning of the whole, -yet the mistake in the execution of the final scene, arising from -my own inexperience in this new field of dramatic creation, -undoubtedly contributed to produce a chilling uncertainty as to -the true significance of the scenic action. In my first complete -version I had made Venus, on the occasion of her second attempt -to recall her faithless lover, appear in a vision to Tannhauser -when he is in a frenzy of madness, and the awfulness of the -situation, is merely suggested by a faint roseate glow upon the -distant Horselberg. Even the definite announcement of Elizabeth's -death was a sudden inspiration on the part of Wolfram. This idea -I intended to convey to the listening audience solely by the -sound of bells tolling in the distance, and by a faint gleam of -torches to attract their eyes to the remote Wartburg. Moreover, -there was a lack of precision and clearness in the appearance of -the chorus of young pilgrims, whose duty it was to announce the -miracle by their song alone. At that time I had given them no -budding staves to carry, and had unfortunately spoiled their -refrain by a tedious and unbroken monotony of accompaniment. - -When at last the curtain fell, I was under the impression, not so -much from the behaviour of the audience, which was friendly, as -from my own inward conviction, that the failure of this work was -to be attributed to the immature and unsuitable material used in -its production. My depression was extreme, and a few friends who -were present after the piece, among them my dear sister Clara and -her husband, were equally affected. That very evening I decided -to remedy the defects of the first night before the second -performance. I was conscious of where the principal fault lay, -but hardly dared give expression to my conviction. At the -slightest attempt on my part to explain anything to Tichatschek I -had to abandon it, as I realised the impossibility of success, I -should only have made him so embarrassed and annoyed, that on one -pretext or another he would never have sung Tannhauser again. In -order to ensure the repetition of my opera, therefore, I took the -only course open to me by arrogating to myself all blame for the -failure. I could thus make considerable curtailments, whereby, of -course, the dramatic significance of the leading role was -considerably lessened; this, however, did not interfere with the -other parts of the opera, which had been favourably received. -Consequently, although inwardly very humiliated, I hoped to gain -some advantage for my work at the second performance, and was -particularly desirous that this should take place with as little -delay as possible. But Tichatschek was hoarse, and I had to -possess my soul in patience for fully a week. - -I can hardly describe what I suffered during that time; it seemed -as if this delay would completely ruin my work. Every day that -elapsed between the first and second performance left the result -of the former more and more problematic, until at last it -appeared to be a generally acknowledged failure. While the public -as a whole expressed angry astonishment that, after the approval -they had shown of my Rienzi, I had paid no attention to their -taste in writing my new work, there were may kind and judicious -friends who were utterly perplexed at its inefficiency, the -principal parts of which they had been unable to understand, or -thought were imperfectly sketched and finished. The critics, with -unconcealed joy, attacked it as ravens attack carrion thrown out -to them. Even the passions and prejudices of the day were drawn -into the controversy in order, if possible, to confuse men's -minds, and prejudice them against me. It was just at the time -when the German-Catholic agitation, set in motion by Czersky and -Ronge as a highly meritorious and liberal movement, was causing a -great commotion. It was now made out that by Tannhauser I had -provoked a reactionary tendency, and that precisely as Meyerbeer -with his Huguenots had glorified Protestantism, so I with my -latest opera would glorify Catholicism. - -The rumour that in writing Tannhauser I had been bribed by the -Catholic part was believed for a long time. While the effort was -being made to ruin my popularity by this means, I had the -questionable honour of being approached, first by letter, -afterwards in person, by a certain M. Rousseau, at that time -editor of the Prussian Staatszeitung, who wished for my -friendship and help. I knew of him only in connection with a -scathing criticism of my Fliegender Hollander. He informed me -that he had been sent from Austria to further the Catholic cause -in Berlin, but that he had had so many sad experiences of the -fruitlessness of his efforts, that he was now returning to Vienna -to continue his work in this direction undisturbed, with which -work I had, by my Tannhauser, proclaimed myself fully in accord. - -That remarkable paper, the Dresdener Anzeiger, which was a local -organ for the redress of slander and scandal, daily published -some fresh bit of news to my prejudice. At last I noticed that -these attacks were met by witty and forcible little snubs, and -also that encouraging comments appeared in my favour, which for -some time surprised me very much, as I knew that only enemies and -never friends interested themselves in such cases. But I learned, -to my amusement, from Rockel, that he and my friend Heine had -carried out this inspiriting campaign on my behalf. - -The ill-feeling against me in this quarter was only troublesome -because at that unfortunate period I was hindered from expressing -myself through my work. Tichatschek continued hoarse, and it was -said he would never sing in my opera again. I heard from -Luttichau that, scared by the failure of Tannhauser, he was -holding himself in readiness to countermand the order for the -promised scenery for the Hall of Song, or to cancel it -altogether. I was so terrified at the cowardice which was thus -revealed, that I myself began to look upon Tannhauser as doomed. -My prospects and my whole position, when viewed in this mood, may -be readily gathered from my communications, especially those -referring to my negotiations for the publication of my works. - -This terrible week dragged out like an endless eternity. I was -afraid to look anybody in the face, but was one day obliged to go -to Meser's music shop, where I met Gottfried Semper just buying a -text-book of Tannhauser. Only a short time before I had been very -much put out in discussing this subject with him; he would listen -to nothing I had to say about the Minnesangers and Pilgrims of -the Middle Ages in connection with art, but gave me to understand -that he despised me for my choice of such material. - -While Meser assured me that no inquiry whatever had been received -for the numbers of Tannhauser already published, it was strange -that my most energetic antagonist should be the only person who -had actually bought and paid for a copy. In a peculiarly earnest -and impressive manner he remarked to me that it was necessary to -be thoroughly acquainted with the subject if a just opinion was -to be passed on it, and that for this purpose, unfortunately, -nothing but the text was available. This very meeting with -Semper, strange as it may appear, was the first really -encouraging sign that I can remember. - -But I found my greatest consolation in those days of trouble and -anxiety in Rockel, who from that time forward entered into a -lifelong intimacy with me. He had, without my being aware of it, -disputed, explained, quarrelled, and petitioned on my behalf, and -thereby roused himself to a veritable enthusiasm for Tannhauser. -The evening before the second performance, which was at last to -take place, we met over a glass of beer, and his bright demeanour -had such a cheering effect upon me that we became very lively. -After contemplating my head for some time, he swore that it was -impossible to destroy me, that there was a something in me, -something, probably, in my blood, as similar characteristics also -appeared in my brother Albert, who was otherwise so unlike me. To -speak more plainly, he called it the peculiar HEAT of my -temperament; this heat, he thought, might consume others, whereas -I appeared to feel at my best when it glowed most fiercely, for -he had several times seen me positively ablaze. I laughed, and -did not know what to make of his nonsense. Well, he said, I -should soon see what he meant in Tannhauser, for it was simply -absurd to think the work would not live; and he was absolutely -certain of its success. I thought over the matter on my way home, -and came to the conclusion that if Tannhauser did indeed win its -way, and become really popular, incalculable possibilities might -be attained. - -At last the time arrived for our second performance. For this I -thought I had made due preparation by lessening the importance of -the principal part, and lowering my original ideals about some of -the more important portions, and I hoped by accentuating certain -undoubtedly attractive passages to secure a genuine appreciation -of the whole. I was greatly delighted with the scenery which had -at last arrived for the Hall of Song in the second act, the -beautiful and imposing effect of which cheered us all, for we -looked upon it as a good omen. Unfortunately I had to bear the -humiliation of seeing the theatre nearly empty. This, more than -anything else, sufficed to convince me what the opinion of the -public really was in regard to my work. But, if the audience was -scanty, the majority, at any rate, consisted of the first friends -of my art, and the reception of the piece was very cordial. -Mitterwurzer especially aroused the greatest enthusiasm. As for -Tichatschek, my anxious friends, Rockel and Heine, thought it -necessary to endeavour by every artifice to keep him in a good -humour for his part. In order to give practical assistance in -making the undoubted obscurity of the last scene clear, my -friends had asked several young people, more especially artists, -to give vent to torrents of applause at those parts which are not -generally regarded by the opera-going public as provoking any -demonstration. Strange to say, the outburst of applause thus -provoked after the words, 'An angel flies to God's throne for -thee, and will make his voice heard; Heinrich, thou art saved,' -made the entire situation suddenly clear to the public. At all -subsequent productions this continued to be the principal moment -for the expression of sympathy on the part of the audience, -although it had passed quite unnoticed on the first night. A few -days later a third performance took place, but this time before a -full house, Schroder-Devrient, depressed at the small share she -was able to take in the success of my work, watched the progress -of the opera from the small stage box; she informed me that -Luttichau had come to her with a beaming face, saying he thought -we had now carried Tannhauser happily through. - -And this certainly proved to be the case; we often repeated it in -the course of the winter, but noticed that when two performances -followed close upon one another, there was not such a rush for -the second, from which we concluded that I had not yet gained the -approval of the great opera-going public, but only of the more -cultured section of the community. Among these real friends of -Tannhauser there were many, as I gradually discovered, who as a -rule never visited the theatre at all, and least of all the -opera. This interest on the part of a totally new public -continued to grow in intensity, and expressed itself in a -delightful and hitherto unknown manner by a strong sympathy for -the author. It was particularly painful to me, on Tichatschek's -account, to respond alone to the calls of the audience after -almost every act; however, I had at last to submit, as my refusal -would only have exposed the vocalist to fresh humiliations, for -when he appeared on the stage with his colleagues without me, the -loud shouts for me were almost insulting to him. With what -genuine eagerness did I wish that the contrary were the case, and -that the excellence of the execution might overshadow the author. -The conviction that I should never attain this with my Tannhauser -in Dresden guided me in all my future undertakings. But, at all -events, in producing Tannhauser in this city I had succeeded in -making at least the cultured public acquainted with my peculiar -tendencies, by stimulating their mental faculties and stripping -the performance of all realistic accessories. I did not, however, -succeed in making these tendencies sufficiently clear in a -dramatic performance, and in such an irresistible and convincing -manner as also to familiarise the uncultivated taste of the -ordinary public with them when they saw them embodied on the -stage. - -By enlarging the circle of my acquaintances, and making -interesting friends, I had a good opportunity during the winter -of obtaining further information on this point in a way that was -both instructive and encouraging. My acquaintance and close -intimacy at this time with Dr. Hermann Franck of Breslau, who had -for some time been living quietly in Dresden, was also very -inspiring. He was very comfortably off, and was one of those men -who, by a wide knowledge and good judgment, combined with -considerable gifts as an author, won an excellent reputation for -himself in a large and select circle of private friends, without, -however, making any great name for himself with the public. He -endeavoured to use his knowledge and abilities for the general -good, and was induced by Brockhaus to edit the Deutsche -Allgemeine Zeitung when it first started. This paper had been -founded by Brockhaus some years earlier. However, after editing -it for a year, Franck resigned this post, and from that time -forward it was only on the very rarest occasions that he could be -persuaded to touch anything connected with journalism. His curt -and spirited remarks about his experiences in connection with the -Deutsche Allgemeine Zeitung justified his disinclination to -engage in any work connected with the public press. My -appreciation was all the greater, therefore, when, without any -persuasion on my part, he wrote a full report on Tannhauser for -the Augsburger Allgemeine Zeitung. This appeared in October or -November, 1845, in a supplement to that paper, and although it -contained the first account of a work which has since been so -widely discussed, I regard it, after mature consideration, as the -most far-reaching and exhaustive that has ever been written. By -this means my name figured for the first time in the great -European political paper, whose columns, in consequence of a -remarkable change of front which was to the interests of the -proprietors, have since been open to any one who wished to make -merry at the expense of me or my work. - -The point which particularly attracted me in Dr. Franck was the -delicate and tactful art he displayed in his criticism and his -methods of discussion. There was something distinguished about -them that was not so much the outcome of rank and social position -as of genuine world-wide culture. - -The delicate coldness and reserve of his manner charmed rather -than repelled me, as it was a characteristic I had not met with -hitherto. When I found him expressing himself with some reserve -in regard to persons who enjoyed a reputation to which I did not -think they were always entitled, I was very pleased to see during -my intercourse with him that in many ways I exercised a decisive -influence over his opinion. Even at that time I did not care to -let it pass unchallenged when people evaded the close analysis of -the work of this or that celebrity, by referring in terms of -eulogy to his 'good-nature.' I even cornered my worldly wise -friend on this point, when a few years later I had the -satisfaction of getting from him a very concise explanation of -Meyerbeer's 'good-nature,' of which he had once spoken, and he -recalled with a smile the extraordinary questions I had put to -him at the time. He was, however, quite alarmed when I gave him a -very lucid explanation of the disinterestedness and conspicuous -altruism of Mendelssohn in the service of art, of which he had -spoken enthusiastically. In a conversation about Mendelssohn he -had remarked how delightful it was to find a man able to make -real sacrifices in order to free himself from a false position -that was of no service to art. It was assuredly a grand thing, he -said, to have renounced a good salary of nine thousand marks as -general musical conductor in Berlin, and to have retired to -Leipzig as a simple conductor at the Gewandhaus concerts, and -Mendelssohn was much to be admired on that account. Just at that -time I happened to be in a position to give some correct details -regarding this apparent sacrifice on the part of Mendelssohn, -because when I had made a serious proposal to our general -management about increasing the salaries of several of the poorer -members of the orchestra, Luttichau was requested to inform me -that, according to the King's latest commands, the expenditure on -the state bands was to be so restricted that for the present the -poorer chamber musicians could not claim any consideration, for -Herr von Falkenstein, the governor of the Leipzig district, who -was a passionate admirer of Mendelssohn's, had gone so far as to -influence the King to appoint the latter secret conductor, with a -secret salary of six thousand marks. This sum, together with the -salary of three thousand marks openly granted him by the -management of the Leipzig Gewandhaus, would amply compensate him -for the position he had renounced in Berlin, and he had -consequently consented to migrate to Leipzig. This large grant -had, for decency's sake, to be kept secret by the board -administering the band funds, not only because it was detrimental -to the interests of the institution, but also because it might -give offence to those who were acting as conductors at a lower -salary, if they knew another man had been appointed to a -sinecure. From these circumstances Mendelssohn derived not only -the advantage of having the grant kept a secret, but also the -satisfaction of allowing his friends to applaud him as a model of -self-sacrificing zeal for going to Leipzig; which they could -easily do, although they knew him to be in a good financial -position. When I explained this to Franck, he was astonished, and -admitted it was one of the strangest cases he had ever come -across in connection with undeserved fame. - -We soon arrived at a mutual understanding in our views about many -other artistic celebrities with whom we came in contact at that -time in Dresden. This was a simple matter in the case of -Ferdinand Hiller, who was regarded as the chief of the 'good- -natured' ones. Regarding the more famous painters of the so- -called Dusseldorf School, whom I met frequently through the -medium of Tannhauser, it was not quite so easy to come to a -conclusion, as I was to a great extent influenced by the fame -attached to their well-known names; but here again Franck -startled me with opportune and conclusive reasons for -disappointment. When it was a question between Bendemann and -Hubner, it seemed to me that Hubner might very well be sacrificed -to Bendemann. The latter, who had only just completed the -frescoes for one of the reception-rooms at the royal palace, and -had been rewarded by his friends with a banquet, appeared to me -to have the right to be honoured as a great master. I was very -much astonished, therefore, when Franck calmly pitied the King of -Saxony for having had his room 'bedaubed' by Bendemann! -Nevertheless, there was no denying that these people were 'good- -natured.' My intercourse with them became more frequent, and at -all events offered me opportunities of mixing with the more -cultured artistic society, in distinction to the theatrical -circles with which I had usually associated; yet I never derived -from it the least enthusiasm or inspiration. The latter, however, -appears to have been Hiller's main object, and that winter he -organised a sort of social circle which held weekly meetings at -the home of one or the other of its members in turn. Reinecke, -who was both painter and poet, joined this society, together with -Hubner and Bendemann, and had the bad fortune to write the new -text for an opera for Hiller, the fate of which I will describe -later on. Robert Schumann, the musician, who was also in Dresden -at this time, and was busy working out on opera, which eventually -developed into Genovefa, made advances to Hiller and myself. I -had already known Schumann in Leipzig, and we had both entered -upon our musical careers at about the same time. I had also -occasionally sent small contributions to the Neue Zeitschrift fur -Musik, of which he had formerly been editor, and more recently a -longer one from Paris on Rossini's Stabat Mater. He had been -asked to conduct his Paradies und Peri at a concert to be given -at the theatre; but his peculiar awkwardness in conducting on -that occasion aroused my sympathy for the conscientious and -energetic musician whose work made so strong an appeal to me, and -a kindly and friendly confidence soon grew up between us. After a -performance of Tannhauser, at which he was present, he called on -me one morning and declared himself fully and decidedly in favour -of my work. The only objection he had to make was that the -stretta of the second finale was too abrupt, a criticism which -proved his keenness of perception; and I was able to show him, by -the score, how I had been compelled, much against my inclination, -to curtail the opera, and thereby create the position to which he -had taken exception. We often met when out walking and, as far as -it was possible with a person so sparing of words, we exchanged -views on matters of musical interest. He was looking forward to -the production, under my baton, of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, as -he had attended the performances at Leipzig, and had been very -much disappointed by Mendelssohn's conducting, which had quite -misunderstood the time of the first movement. Otherwise his -society did not inspire me particularly, and the fact that he was -too conservative to benefit by my views was soon shown, more -especially in his conception of the poem of Genovefa. It was -clear that my example had only made a very transient impression -on him, only just enough, in fact, to make him think it advisable -to write the text of an opera himself. He afterwards invited me -to hear him read his libretto, which was a combination of the -styles of Hebbel and Tieck. When, however, out of a genuine -desire for the success of his work, about which I had serious -misgivings, I called his attention to some grave defects in it, -and suggested the necessary alterations, I realised how matters -stood with this extraordinary person: he simply wanted me to be -swayed by himself, but deeply resented any interference with the -product of his own ideals, so that thenceforward I let matters -alone. - -In the following winter, our circle, thanks to the assiduity of -Hiller, was considerably widened, and it now became a sort of -club whose object was to meet freely every week in a room at -Engel's restaurant at the Postplatz. Just about this time the -famous J. Schnorr of Munich was appointed director of the museums -in Dresden, and we entertained him at a banquet. I had already -seen some of his large and well-executed cartoons, which made a -deep impression on me, not only on account of their dimensions, -but also by reason of the events they depicted from old German -history, in which I was at that time particularly interested. It -was through Schnorr that I now became acquainted with the 'Munich -School' of which he was the master. My heart overflowed when I -thought what it meant for Dresden, if such giants of German art -were to shake hands there. I was much struck by Schnorr's -appearance and conversation, and I could not reconcile his -whining pedagogic manner with his mighty cartoons; however, I -thought it a great stroke of luck when he also took to -frequenting Engel's restaurant on Saturdays. He was well versed -in the old German legends, and I was delighted when they formed -the topic of conversation. The famous sculptor, Hanel, used also -to attend these meetings, and his marvellous talent inspired me -with the greatest respect, although I was not an authority on his -work, and could only judge of it by my own feelings. I soon saw -that his bearing and manner were affected; he was very fond of -expressing his opinion and judgment on questions of art, and I -was not in a position to decide whether they were reliable or -otherwise. In fact, it often occurred to me that I was listening -to a Philistine swaggerer. It was only when my old friend Pecht, -who had also settled in Dresden for a time, clearly and -emphatically explained to me Hanel's standing as an artist, that -I conquered all my secret doubts, and tried to find some pleasure -in his works. Rietschel, who was also a member of our society, -was the very antithesis of Hanel. I often found it difficult to -believe that the pale delicate man, with the whining nervous way -of expressing himself, was really a sculptor; but as similar -peculiarities in Schnorr did not prevent me from recognising him -as a marvellous painter, this helped me to make friends with -Rietschel, as he was quite free from affectation, and had a warm -sympathetic soul that drew me ever closer to him. I also remember -hearing from him a very enthusiastic appreciation of my -personality as a conductor. In spite, however, of being fellow- -members of our versatile art club, we never attained a footing of -real comradeship, for, after all, no one thought much of anybody -else's talents. For instance, Hiller had arranged some orchestral -concerts, and to commemorate them he was entertained at the usual -banquet by his friends, when his services were gratefully -acknowledged with due rhetorical pathos. Yet I never found, in my -private intercourse with Hiller's friends, the least enthusiasm -in regard to his work; on the contrary, I only noticed -expressions of doubt and apprehensive shrugs. - -These feted concerts soon came to an end. At our social evenings -we never discussed the works of the masters who were present; -they were not even mentioned, and it was soon evident that none -of the members knew what to talk about. Semper was the only man -who, in his extraordinary fashion, often so enlivened our -entertainments that Rietschel, inwardly sympathetic, though -painfully startled, would heartily complain against the -unrestrained outbursts that led not infrequently to hot -discussions between Semper and myself. Strange to say, we two -always seemed to start from the hypothesis that we were -antagonists, for he insisted upon regarding me as the -representative of mediaeval Catholicism, which he often attacked -with real fury. I eventually succeeded in persuading him that my -studies and inclinations had always led me to German antiquity, -and to the discovery of ideals in the early Teutonic myths. When -we came to paganism, and I expressed my enthusiasm for the -genuine heathen legends, he became quite a different being, and a -deep and growing interest now began to unite us in such a way -that it quite isolated us from the rest of the company. It was, -however, impossible ever to settle anything without a heated -argument, not only because Semper had a peculiar habit of -contradicting everything flatly, but also because he knew his -views were opposed to those of the entire company. His -paradoxical assertions, which were apparently only intended to -stir up strife, soon made me realise, beyond any doubt, that he -was the only one present who was passionately in earnest about -everything he said, whereas all the others were quite content to -let the matter drop when convenient. A man of the latter type was -Gutzkow, who was often with us; he had been summoned to Dresden -by the general management of our court theatre, to act in the -capacity of dramatist and adapter of plays. Several of his pieces -had recently met with great success: Zopf und Schwert, Das Urbild -des Tartuffe, and Uriel Acosta, shed an unexpected lustre on the -latest dramatic repertoire, and it seemed as though the advent of -Gutzkow would inaugurate a new era of glory for the Dresden -theatre, where my operas had also been first produced. The good -intentions of the management were certainly undeniable. My only -regret on that occasion was that the hopes my old friend Laube -entertained of being summoned to Dresden to fill that post were -unrealised. He also had thrown himself enthusiastically into the -work of dramatic literature. Even in Paris I had noticed the -eagerness with which he used to study the technique of dramatic -composition, especially that of Scribe, in the hope of acquiring -the skill of that writer, without which, as he soon discovered, -no poetical drama in German could be successful. He maintained -that he had thoroughly mastered this style in his comedy, Rococo, -and he cherished the conviction that he could work up any -imaginable material into an effective stage play. - -At the same time, he was very careful to show equal skill in the -selection of his material. In my opinion this theory of his was a -complete failure, as his only successful pieces were those in -which popular interest was excited by catch-phrases. This -interest was always more or less associated with the politics of -the day, and generally involved some obvious diatribes about -'German unity' and 'German Liberalism.' As this important -stimulus was first applied by way of experiment to the -subscribers to our Residenz Theater, and afterwards to the German -public generally, it had, as I have already said, to be worked -out with the consummate skill which, presumably, could only be -learned from modern French writers of comic opera. - -I was very glad to see the result of this study in Laube's plays, -more especially as when he visited us in Dresden, which he often -did on the occasion of a new production, he admitted his -indebtedness with modest candour, and was far from pretending to -be a real poet. Moreover, he displayed great skill and an almost -fiery zeal, not only in the preparation of his pieces, but also -in their production, so that the offer of a post at Dresden, the -hope of which had been held out to him, would at least, from a -practical point of view, have been a benefit to the theatre. -Finally, however, the choice fell on his rival Gutzkow, in spite -of his obvious unsuitability for the practical work of dramatist. -It was evident that even as regards his successful plays his -triumph was mainly due to his literary skill, because these -effective plays were immediately followed by wearisome -productions which made us realise, to our astonishment, that he -himself could not have been aware of the skill he had previously -displayed. It was, however, precisely these abstract qualities of -the genuine man of letters which, in the eyes of many, cast over -him the halo of literary greatness; and when Luttichau, thinking -more of a showy reputation than of permanent benefit to his -theatre, decided to give the preference to Gutzkow, he thought -his choice would give a special impetus to the cause of higher -culture. To me the appointment of Gutzkow as the director of -dramatic art at the theatre was peculiarly objectionable, as it -was not long before I was convinced of his utter incompetence for -the task, and it was probably owing to the frankness with which I -expressed my opinion to Luttichau that our subsequent -estrangement was originally due. I had to complain bitterly of -the want of judgment and the levity of those who so recklessly -selected men to fill the posts of managers and conductors in such -precious institutions of art as the German royal theatres. To -obviate the failure I felt convinced must follow on this -important appointment, I made a special request that Gutzkow -should not be allowed to interfere in the management of the -opera; he readily yielded, and thus spared himself great -humiliation. This action, however, created a feeling of mistrust -between us, though I was quite ready to remove this as far as -possible by coming into personal contact with him whenever -opportunity offered on those evenings when the artists used to -gather at the club, as already described. I would gladly have -made this strange man, whose head was anxiously bowed down on his -breast, relax and unburden himself in his conversations with me, -but I was unsuccessful, on account of his constant reserve and -suspicion, and his studied aloofness. An opportunity arose for a -discussion between us when he wanted the orchestra to take a -melodramatic part (which they afterwards did) in a certain scene -of his Uriel Acosta, where the hero had to recant his alleged -heresy. The orchestra had to execute the soft tremolo for a given -time on certain chords, but when I heard the performance it -appeared to me absurd, and equally derogatory both for the music -and the drama. - -On one of these evenings I tried to come to an understanding with -Gutzkow concerning this, and the employment of music generally as -a melodramatic auxiliary to the drama, and I discussed my views -on the subject in accordance with the highest principles I had -conceived. He met all the chief points of my discussion with a -nervous distrustful silence, but finally explained that I really -went too far in the significance which I claimed for music, and -that he failed to understand how music would be degraded if it -were applied more sparingly to the drama, seeing that the claims -of verse were often treated with much less respect when it was -used as a mere accessory to operatic music. To put it -practically, in fact, it would be advisable for the librettist -not to be too dainty in this matter; it wasn't possible always to -give the actor a brilliant exit; at the same time, however, -nothing could be more painful than when the chief performer made -his exit without any applause. In such cases a little distracting -noise in the orchestra really supplied a happy diversion. This I -actually heard Gutzkow say; moreover, I saw that he really meant -it! After this I felt I had done with him. - -It was not long before I had equally little to do with all the -painters, musicians, and other zealots in art belonging to our -society. At the same time, however, I came into closer contact -with Berthold Auerbach. With great enthusiasm, Alwine Frommann -had already drawn my attention to Auerbach's Pastoral Stories. -The account she gave of these modest works (for that is how she -characterised them) sounded quite attractive. She said that they -had had the same refreshing effect on her circle of friends in -Berlin as that produced by opening the window of a scented -boudoir (to which she compared the literature they had hitherto -been used to), and letting in the fresh air of the woods. After -that I read the Pastoral Stories of the Black Forest, which had -so quickly become famous, and I, too, was strongly attracted by -the contents and tone of these realistic anecdotes about the life -of the people in a locality which it was easy enough to identify -from the vivid descriptions. As at this time Dresden seemed to be -becoming ever more and more the rendezvous for the lights of our -literary and artistic world, Auerbach also reconciled himself to -taking up his quarters in this city; and for quite a long time, -lived with his friend Hiller, who thus again had a celebrity at -his side of equal standing with himself. The short, sturdy Jewish -peasant boy, as he was placed to represent himself to be, made a -very agreeable impression. It was only later that I understood -the significance of his green jacket, and above all of his green -hunting-cap, which made him look exactly what the author of -Swabian Pastoral Stories ought to look like, and this -significance was anything but a naive one. The Swiss poet, -Gottfried Keller, once told me that, when Auerbach was in Zurich, -and he had decided on taking him up, he (Auerbach) had drawn his -attention to the best way in which to introduce one's literary -effusions to the public, and to make money, and he advised him, -above all things, to get a coat and cap like his own, for being, -as he said, like himself, neither handsome nor well grown, it -would be far better deliberately to make himself look rough and -queer; so saying, he placed his cap on his head in such a way as -to look a little rakish. For the time being, I perceived no real -affectation in Auerbach; he had assimilated so much of the tone -and ways of the people, and had done this so happily, that, in -any case, one could not help asking oneself why, with these -delightful qualities, he should move with such tremendous ease in -spheres that seemed absolutely antagonistic. At all events, he -always seemed in his true element even in those circles which -really seemed most opposed to his assumed character; there he -stood in his green coat, keen, sensitive, and natural, surrounded -by the distinguished society that flattered him; and he loved to -show letters he had received from the Grand Duke of Weimar and -his answers to them, all the time looking at things from the -standpoint of the Swabian peasant nature which suited him so -admirably. - -What especially attracted me to him was the fact that he was the -first Jew I ever met with whom one could discuss Judaism with -absolute freedom. He even seemed particularly desirous of -removing, in his agreeable manner, all prejudice on this score; -and it was really touching to hear him speak of his boyhood, and -declare that he was perhaps the only German who had read -Klopstock's Messiah all through. Having one day become absorbed -in this work, which he read secretly in his cottage home, he had -played the truant from school, and when he finally arrived too -late at the school-house, his teacher angrily exclaimed: 'You -confounded Jew-boy, where have you been? Lending money again?' -Such experiences had only made him feel pensive and melancholy, -but not bitter, and he had even been inspired with real -compassion for the coarseness of his tormentors. These were -traits in his character which drew me very strongly to him. As -time went on, however, it seemed to me a serious matter that he -could not get away from the atmosphere of these ideas, for I -began to feel that the universe contained no other problem for -him than the elucidation of the Jewish question. One day, -therefore, I protested as good-naturedly and confidentially as I -could, and advised him to let the whole problem of Judaism drop, -as there were, after all, many other standpoints from which the -world might be criticised. Strange to say, he thereupon not only -lost his ingeniousness, but also fell to whining in an ecstatic -fashion, which did not seem to me very genuine, and assured me -that that would be an impossibility for him, as there was still -so much in Judaism which needed his whole sympathy. I could not -help recalling the surprising anguish which he had manifested on -this occasion, when I learned, in the course of time, that he had -repeatedly arranged Jewish marriages, concerning the happy result -of which I heard nothing, save that he had, by this means, made -quite a fortune. When, several years afterwards, I again saw him -in Zurich, I observed that his appearance had unfortunately -changed in a manner quite disconcerting: he looked really -extraordinarily common and dirty; his former refreshing -liveliness had turned into the usual Jewish restlessness, and it -was easy to see that all he said was uttered as if he regretted -that his words could not be turned to better account in a -newspaper article. - -During his time in Dresden, however, Auerbach's warm agreement -with my artistic projects really did me good, even though it may -have been only from his Semitic and Swabian standpoint; so did -the novelty of the experience I was at that time undergoing as an -artist, in meeting with ever-increasing regard and recognition -among people of note, of acknowledged importance and of -exceptional culture. If, after the success obtained by Rienzi, I -still remained with the circle of the real theatrical world, the -greater success following on Tannhauser certainly brought me into -contact with such people as I have mentioned above, who, though -to be sure they considerably enlarged my ideas, at the same time -impressed me very unfavourably with what was apparently the -pinnacle of the artistic life of the period. At any rate, I felt -neither rewarded nor, fortunately, even diverted by the -acquaintances I won by the first performance of my Tannhauser -that winter. On the contrary, I felt an irresistible desire to -withdraw into my shell and leave these gay surroundings into -which, strangely enough, I had been introduced at the instigation -of Hiller, whom I soon recognised as being a nonentity. I felt I -must quickly compose something, as this was the only means of -ridding myself of all the disturbing and painful excitement -Tannhauser had produced in me. - -Only a few weeks after the first performances I had worked out -the whole of the Lohengrin text. In November I had already read -this poem to my intimate friends, and soon afterwards to the -Hiller set. It was praised, and pronounced 'effective.' Schumann -also thoroughly approved of it, although he did not understand -the musical form in which I wished to carry it out, as he saw no -resemblance in it to the old methods of writing individual solos -for the various artists. I then had some fun in reading different -parts of my work to him in the form of arias and cavatinas, after -which he laughingly declared himself satisfied. - -Serious reflection, however, aroused my gravest doubts as to the -tragic character of the material itself, and to these doubts I -had been led, in a manner both sensible and tactful, by Franck. -He thought it offensive to effect Elsa's punishment through -Lohengrin's departure; for although he understood that the -characteristics of the legend were expressed precisely by this -highly poetical feature, he was doubtful as to whether it did -full justice to the demands of tragic feeling in its relation to -dramatic realism. He would have preferred to see Lohengrin die -before our eyes owing to Elsa's loving treachery. As, however, -this did not seem feasible, he would have liked to see Lohengrin -spell-bound by some powerful motive, and prevented from getting -away. Although, of course, I would not agree to any of these -suggestions, I went so far as to consider whether I could not do -away with the cruel separation, and still retain the incident of -Lohengrin's departure, which was essential. I then sought for a -means of letting Elsa go away with Lohengrin, as a form of -penance which would withdraw her also from the world. This seemed -more promising to my talented friend. While I was still very -doubtful about all this, I gave my poem to Frau von Luttichau, so -that she might peruse it, and criticise the point raised by -Franck. In a little letter, in which she expressed her pleasure -at my poem, she wrote briefly, but very decidedly, on the knotty -question, and declared that Franck must be devoid of all poetry -if he did not understand that it was exactly in the way I had -chosen, and in no other, that Lohengrin must depart. I felt as if -a load had fallen from my heart. In triumph I showed the letter -to Franck, who, much abashed, and by way of excusing himself, -opened a correspondence with Frau von Luttichau, which certainly -cannot have been lacking in interest, though I was never able to -see any of it. In any case, the upshot of it was that Lohengrin -remained as I had originally conceived it. Curiously enough, some -time later, I had a similar experience with regard to the same -subject, which again put me in a temporary state of uncertainty. -When Adolf Stahr gravely raised the same objection to the -solution of the Lohengrin question, I was really taken aback by -the uniformity of opinion; and as, owing to some excitement, I -was just then no longer in the same mood as when I composed -Lohengrin, I was foolish enough to write a hurried letter to -Stahr in which, with but a few slight reservations, I declared -him to be right. I did not know that, by this, I was causing real -grief to Liszt, who was now in the same position with regard to -Stahr as Frau von Luttichau had been with regard to Franck. -Fortunately, however, the displeasure of my great friend at my -supposed treachery to myself did not last long; for, without -having got wind of the trouble I had caused him, and thanks to -the torture I myself was going through, I came to the proper -decision in a few days, and, as clear as daylight, I saw what -madness it had been. I was therefore able to rejoice Liszt with -the following laconical protest which I sent him from my Swiss -resort: 'Stahr is wrong, and Lohengrin is right.' - -For the present I remained occupied with the revision of my poem, -for there could be no question of planning the music to it just -now. That peaceful and harmonious state of mind which is so -favourable to creative work, and always so necessary to me for -composing, I now had to secure with the greatest difficulty, for -it was one of the things I always had the hardest struggle to -obtain. All the experiences connected with the performance of -Tannhauser having filled me with true despair as to the whole -future of my artistic operations, I saw it was hopeless to think -of its production being extended to other German theatres--for I -had not been able to achieve this end even with the successful -Rienzi. It was perfectly obvious, therefore, that my work would, -at the utmost, be conceded a permanent place in the Dresden -repertoire. As the result of all this, my pecuniary affairs, -which have already been described, had got into such a serious -state that a catastrophe seemed inevitable. While I was preparing -to meet this in the best way I could, I tried to stupefy myself, -on the one hand, by plunging into the study of history, -mythology, and literature, which were becoming ever dearer and -dearer to me, and on the other by working incessantly at my -artistic enterprises. As regards the former, I was chiefly -interested in the German Middle Ages, and tried to make myself -familiar with every point relative to this period. Although I -could not set about this task with philological precision, I -proceeded with such earnestness that I studied the German -records, published by Grimm, for instance, with the greatest -interest. As I could not put the results of such studies -immediately into my scenes, there were many who could not -understand why, as an operatic composer, I should waste my time -on such barren work. Different people remarked later on, that the -personality of Lohengrin had a charm quite its own; but this was -ascribed to the happy selection of the subject, and I was -specially praised for choosing it. Material from the German -Middle Ages, and later on, subjects from Scandinavian antiquity, -were therefore looked forward to by many, and, in the end, they -were astonished that I gave them no adequate result of all my -labours. Perhaps it will be of help to them if I now tell them to -take the old records and such works to their aid. I forgot at -that time to call Hiller's attention to my documents, and with -great pride he seized upon a subject out of the history of the -Hohenstaufen. As, however, he had no success with his work, he -may perhaps think I was a little artful for not having spoken to -him of the old records. - -Concerning my other duties, my chief undertaking for this winter -consisted in an exceptionally carefully prepared performance of -Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, which took place in the spring on -Palm Sunday. This performance involved many a struggle, besides a -host of experiences which were destined to exercise a strong -influence over my further development. Roughly they were as -follows: the royal orchestra had only one opportunity a year of -showing their powers independently in a musical performance -outside the Opera or the church. For the benefit of the Pension -Fund for their widows and orphans, the old so-called Opera House -was given up to a big performance originally only intended for -oratorios. Ultimately, in order to make it more attractive, a -symphony was always added to the oratorio; and, as already -mentioned, I had performed on such occasions, once the Pastoral -Symphony, and later Haydn's Creation. The latter was a great joy -to me, and it was on this occasion that I first made its -acquaintance. As we two conductors had stipulated for alternate -performances, the Symphony on Palm Sunday of the year 1846 fell -to my lot. I had a great longing for the Ninth Symphony, and I -was led to the choice of this work by the fact that it was almost -unknown in Dresden. When the directors of the orchestra, who were -the trustees of the Pension Fund, and who had to promote its -increase, got to know of this, such a fright seized them that -they interviewed the general director, Luttichau, and begged him, -by virtue of his high authority, to dissuade me from carrying out -my intention. They gave as a reason for this request, that the -Pension Fund would surely suffer through the choice of this -symphony, as the work was in ill-repute in the place, and would -certainly keep people from going to the concert. The symphony had -been performed many years before by Reissiger at a charity -concert, and, as the conductor himself honestly admitted, had -been an absolute failure. Now it needed my whole ardour, and all -the eloquence I could command, to prevail over the doubts of our -principal. With the orchestral directors, however, there was -nothing for me to do but quarrel, as I heard that they were -complaining all over the town about my indiscretion. In order to -add shame to their trouble, I made up my mind to prepare the -public in such a way for the performance, upon which I had -resolved, and for the work itself, that at least the sensation -caused would lead to a full hall and thus, in a very favourable -manner, guarantee satisfactory returns, and contradict their -belief that the fund was menaced. Thus the Ninth Symphony had, in -every conceivable way, become for me a point of honour, for the -success of which I had to exercise all my powers to the utmost. -The committee had misgivings regarding the outlay needed for -procuring the orchestral parts, so I borrowed them from the -Leipzig Concert Society. - -Imagine my feelings, however, on now seeing for the first time -since my earliest boyhood the mysterious pages of this score, -which I studied conscientiously! In those days the sight of these -same pages had filled me with the most mystic reveries, and I had -stayed up for nights together to copy them out. Just as at the -time of my uncertainty in Paris, on hearing the rehearsal of the -first three movements performed by the incomparable orchestra of -the Conservatoire, I had been carried back through years of error -and doubt to be placed in marvellous touch with my earliest days, -while all my inmost aspirations had been fruitfully stimulated in -a new direction, so now in the same way the memory of that music -was secretly awakened in me as I again saw before my own eyes -that which in those early days had likewise been only a -mysterious vision. I had by this time experienced much which, in -the depths of my soul, drove me almost unconsciously to a process -of summing-up, to an almost despairing inquiry concerning my -fate. What I dared not acknowledge to myself was the fact of the -absolute insecurity of my existence both from the artistic and -financial point of view; for I saw that I was a stranger to my -own mode of life as well as to my profession, and I had no -prospects whatsoever. This despair, which I tried to conceal from -my friends, was now converted into genuine exaltation, thanks -entirely to the Ninth Symphony. It is not likely that the heart -of a disciple has ever been filled with such keen rapture over -the work of a master, as mine was at the first movement of this -symphony. If any one had come upon me unexpectedly while I had -the open score before me, and had seen me convulsed with sobs and -tears as I went through the work in order to consider the best -manner of rendering it, he would certainly have asked with -astonishment if this were really fitting behaviour for the -Conductor Royal of Saxony! Fortunately, on such occasions I was -spared the visits of our orchestra directors, and their worthy -conductor Reissiger, and even those of F. Hiller, who was so -versed in classical music. - -In the first place I drew up a programme, for which the book of -words for the chorus--always ordered according to custom-- -furnished me with a good pretext. I did this in order to provide -a guide to the simple understanding of the work, and thereby -hoped to appeal not to the critical judgment, but solely to the -feelings, of the audience. This programme, in the framing of -which some of the chief passages in Goethe's Faust were -exceedingly helpful to me, was very well received, not only on -that occasion in Dresden, but later on in other places. Besides -this, I made use of the Dresden Anzeiger, by writing all kinds of -short and enthusiastic anonymous paragraphs, in order to whet the -public taste for a work which hitherto had been in ill-repute in -Dresden. - -Not only did these purely extraneous exertions succeed in making -the receipts of that year by far exceed any that had been taken -theretofore, but the orchestra directors themselves, during the -remaining years of my stay in Dresden, made a point of ensuring -similarly large profits by repeated performances of the -celebrated symphony. Concerning the artistic side of the -performance, I aimed at making the orchestra give as expressive a -rendering as possible, and to this end made all kinds of notes, -myself, in the various parts, so as to make quite sure that their -interpretation would be as clear and as coloured as could be -desired. It was principally the custom which existed then of -doubling the wind instruments, that led me to a most careful -consideration of the advantages this system presented, for, in -performances on a large scale, the following somewhat crude rule -prevailed: all those passages marked piano were executed by a -single set of instruments, while those marked forte were carried -out by a duplicated set. As an instance of the way in which I -took care to ensure an intelligible rendering by this means, I -might point to a certain passage in the second movement of the -symphony, where the whole of the string instruments play the -principal and rhythmical figure in C major for the first time; it -is written in triple octaves, which play uninterruptedly in -unison and, to a certain degree, serve as an accompaniment to the -second theme, which is only performed by feeble wood instruments. -As fortissimo is indicated alike for the whole orchestra, the -result in every imaginable rendering must be that the melody for -the wood instruments not only completely disappears, but cannot -even be heard through the strings, which, after all, are only -accompanying. Now, as I never carried my piety to the extent of -taking directions absolutely literally, rather than sacrifice the -effect really intended by the master to the erroneous indications -given, I made the strings play only moderately loudly instead of -real fortissimo, up to the point where they alternate with the -wind instruments in taking up the continuation of the new theme: -thus the motive, rendered as it was as loudly as possible by a -double set of wind instruments, was, I believe for the first time -since the existence of the symphony, heard with real -distinctness. I proceeded in this manner throughout, in order to -guarantee the greatest exactitude in the dynamical effects of the -orchestra. There was nothing, however difficult, which was -allowed to be performed in such a way as not to arouse the -feelings of the audience in a particular manner. For example, -many brains had been puzzled by the Fugato in 6/8 time which -comes after the chorus, Froh wie seine Sonnen fliegen, in the -movement of the finale marked alia marcia. In view of the -preceding inspiriting verses, which seemed to be preparing for -combat and victory, I conceived this Fugato really as a glad but -earnest war-song, and I took it at a continuously fiery tempo, -and with the utmost vigour. The day following the first -performance I had the satisfaction of receiving a visit from the -musical director Anacker of Freiburg, who came to tell me -somewhat penitently, that though until then he had been one of my -antagonists, since the performance of the symphony he certainly -reckoned himself among my friends. What had absolutely -overwhelmed him, he said, was precisely my conception and -interpretation of the Fugato. Furthermore, I devoted special -attention to that extraordinary passage, resembling a recitative -for the 'cellos and basses, which comes at the beginning of the -last movement, and which had once caused my old friend Pohlenz -such great humiliation in Leipzig. Thanks to the exceptional -excellence of our bass players, I felt certain of attaining to -absolute perfection in this passage. After twelve special -rehearsals of the instruments alone concerned, I succeeded in -getting them to perform in a way which sounded not only perfectly -free, but which also expressed the most exquisite tenderness and -the greatest energy in a thoroughly impressive manner. - -From the very beginning of my undertaking I had at once -recognised, that the only method of achieving overwhelming -popular success with this symphony was to overcome, by some ideal -means, the extraordinary difficulties presented by the choral -parts. I realised that the demands made by these parts could be -met only by a large and enthusiastic body of singers. It was -above all necessary, then, to secure a very good and large choir; -so, besides adding the somewhat feeble Dreissig 'Academy of -Singing' to our usual number of members in the theatre chorus, in -spite of great difficulties I also enlisted the help of the choir -from the Kreuzschule, with its fine boys' voices, and the choir -of the Dresden seminary, which had had much practice in church -singing. In a way quite my own I now tried to get these three -hundred singers, who were frequently united for rehearsals, into -a state of genuine ecstasy; for instance, I succeeded in -demonstrating to the basses that the celebrated passage Seid -umschlungen, Millionen, and especially Bruder, uber'm Sternenzelt -muss ein guter Vater wohnen, could not be sung in an ordinary -manner, but must, as it were, be proclaimed with the greatest -rapture. In this I took the lead in a manner so elated that I -really think I literally transported them to a world of emotion -utterly strange to them for a while; and I did not desist till my -voice, which had been heard clearly above all the others, began -to be no longer distinguishable even to myself, but was drowned, -so to speak, in the warm sea of sound. - -It gave me particular pleasure, with Mitterwurzer's cooperation, -to give a most overwhelmingly expressive rendering of the -recitative for baritone: Freunde, nicht diese Tone. In view of -its exceptional difficulties this passage might almost be -considered impossible to perform, and yet he executed it in a way -which showed what fruit our mutual interchange of ideas had -borne. I also took care that, by means of the complete -reconstruction of the hall, I should obtain good acoustic -conditions for the orchestra, which I had arranged according to -quite a new system of my own. As may be imagined, it was only -with the greatest difficulty that the money for this could be -found; however, I did not give up, and owing to a totally new -construction of the platform, I was able to concentrate the whole -of the orchestra towards the centre, and surround it, in -amphitheatre fashion, by the throng of singers who were -accommodated on seats very considerably raised. This was not only -of great advantage to the powerful effect of the choir, but it -also gave great precision and energy to the finely organised -orchestra in the purely symphonic movements. - -Even at the general rehearsal the hall was overcrowded. Reissiger -was guilty of the incredible stupidity of working up the public -mind against the symphony and drawing attention to Beethoven's -very regrettable error. Gade, on the other hand, who came to -visit us from Leipzig, where he was then conducting the -Gewandhaus Concerts, assured me after the general rehearsal, that -he would willingly have paid double the price of his ticket in -order to hear the recitative by the basses once more; whilst -Hiller considered that I had gone too far in my modification of -the tempo. What he meant by this I learned subsequently when I -heard him conducting intricate orchestral works; but of this I -shall have more to say later on. - -There was no denying that the performance was, on the whole, a -success; in fact, it exceeded all our expectations, and was -particularly well received by the non-musical public. Among these -I remember the philologist Dr. Kochly, who came to me at the end -of the evening and confessed that it was the first time he had -been able to follow a symphonic work from beginning to end with -intelligent interest. This experience left me with a pleasant -feeling of ability and power, and strongly confirmed me in the -belief, that if I only desired anything with sufficient -earnestness, I was able to achieve it with irresistible and -overwhelming success. I now had to consider, however, what the -difficulties were, which hitherto had prevented a similarly happy -production of my own new conceptions. Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, -which was still such a problem to so many, and had, at all -events, never attained to popularity, I had been able to make a -complete success; yet, as often as it was put on the stage, my -Tannhauser taught me that the possibilities of its success had -yet to be discovered. How was this to be done? This was and -remained the secret question which influenced all my subsequent -development. - -I dared not, however, indulge at that time in any meditation on -this point with the view of arriving at any particular results, -for the real significance of my failure, of which I was inwardly -convinced, stood absolutely bare before me with all its -terrifying lessons. Albeit, I could no longer delay taking even -the most disagreeable steps with the view of warding off the -catastrophe which menaced my financial position. - -I was led to this, thanks to the influence of a ridiculous omen. -My agent, the purely nominal publisher of my three operas-- -Rienzi, the Fliegender Hollander, and Tannhauser--the eccentric -court music publisher, C. F. Meser, invited me one day to the -cafe known as the 'Verderber' to discuss our money affairs. With -great qualms we talked over the possible results of the Annual -Easter Fair, and wondered whether they would be tolerably good or -altogether bad. I gave him courage, and ordered a bottle of the -best Haut-Sauterne. A venerable flask made its appearance; I -filled the glasses, and we drank to the good success of the Fair; -when suddenly we both yelled as though we had gone mad, while, -with horror, we tried to rid our mouths of the strong Tarragon -vinegar with which we had been served by mistake. 'Heavens!' -cried Meser, 'nothing could be worse!' 'True enough,' I answered, -'no doubt there is much that will turn to vinegar for us.' My -good-humour revealed to me in a flash that I must try some other -way of saving myself than by means of the Easter Fair. - -Not only was it necessary to refund the capital which had been -got together by dint of ever-increasing sacrifices, in order to -defray the expenses of the publication of my operas; but, owing -to the fact that I had been obliged ultimately to seek aid from -the usurers, the rumour of my debts had spread so far abroad, -that even those friends who had helped me at the time of my -arrival in Dresden were seized with anxiety on my account. At -this time I met with a really sad experience at the hands of -Madame Schroder-Devrient, who, as the result of her -incomprehensible lack of discretion, did much to bring about my -final undoing. When I first settled in Dresden, as I have already -pointed out, she lent me three thousand marks, not only to help -me to discharge my debts, but also to allow me to contribute to -the maintenance of my old friend Kietz in Paris. Jealousy of my -niece Johanna, and suspicion that I had made her (my niece) come -to Dresden in order to make it easier for the general management -to dispense with the services of the great artist, had awakened -in this otherwise so noble-minded woman the usual feelings of -animosity towards me, which are so often met with in the -theatrical profession. She had now given up her engagement; she -even declared openly that I had been partly instrumental in -obtaining her dismissal; and abandoning all friendly regard for -me, whereby she deeply wronged me in every respect, she placed -the I.O.U. I had given her in the hands of an energetic lawyer, -and without further ado this man sued me for the payment of the -money. Thus I was forced to make a clean breast of everything to -Luttichau, and to beseech him to intervene for me, and if -possible to obtain a royal advance that would enable me to clear -my position, which was so seriously compromised. - -My principal declared himself willing to support any request I -might wish to address to the King on this matter. To this end I -had to note down the amount of my debts; but as I soon discovered -that the necessary sum could only be assigned to me as a loan -from the Theatre Pension Fund, at an interest of five per cent., -and that I should moreover have to secure the capital of the -Pension Fund by a life insurance policy, which would cost me -annually three per cent, of the capital borrowed, I was, for -obvious reasons, tempted to leave out of my petition all those of -my debts which were not of a pressing nature, and for the payment -of which I thought I could count on the receipts which I might -finally expect from my publishing enterprises. Nevertheless, the -sacrifices I had to make in order to repay the help offered me -increased to such an extent, that my salary of conductor, in -itself very slender, promised to be materially diminished for -some time to come. I was forced to make the most irksome efforts -to gather together the necessary sum for the life insurance -policy, and was therefore obliged frequently to appeal to -Leipzig. In addition to this, I had to overcome the most -appalling doubts in regard both to my health and to the probable -length of my life, concerning which I fancied I had heard all -sorts of malicious apprehensions expressed by those who had -observed me but casually in the miserable condition which I was -in at that time. My friend Pusinelli, as a doctor who was very -intimate with me, eventually managed to give such satisfactory -information concerning the state of my health, that I succeeded -in insuring my life at the rate of three per cent. - -The last of these painful journeys to Leipzig was, at all events, -made under pleasant circumstances owing to a kind invitation from -the old Maestro Louis Spohr. I was particularly pleased over -this, because to me it meant nothing less than an act of -reconciliation. As a matter of fact, Spohr had written to me on -one occasion, and had declared that, stimulated by the success of -my Fliegender Hollander and his own enjoyment of it, he had once -more decided to take up the career of a dramatic composer, which -of recent years had brought him such scant success. His last work -was an opera--Die Kreuz-fahrer--which he had sent to the Dresden -theatre in the course of the preceding year in the hope, as he -himself assured me, that I would urge on its production. After -asking this favour, he drew my attention to the fact that in this -work he had made an absolutely new departure from his earlier -operas, and had kept to the most precise rhythmically dramatic -declamation, which had certainly been made all the more easy for -him by the 'excellent subject.' Without being actually surprised, -my horror was indeed great when, after studying not only the -text, but also the score, I discovered that the old maestro had -been absolutely mistaken in regard to the account he had given me -of his work. The custom in force at that time that the decision -concerning the production of works should not, as a rule, rest -with one of the conductors alone, did not tend to make me any -less fearful of declaring myself emphatically in favour of this -work. In addition to this, it was Reissiger, who, as he had often -boasted, was an old friend of Spohr's, whose turn it was to -select and produce a new work. Unfortunately, as I learned later, -the general management had returned Spohr's opera to its author -in such a curt manner as to offend him, and he complained -bitterly of this to me. Genuinely concerned at this, I had -evidently managed to calm and appease him, for the invitation -mentioned above was clearly a friendly acknowledgment of my -efforts. He wrote that it was very painful for him to have to -touch at Dresden on his way to one of the watering-places; as, -however, he had a real longing to make my acquaintance, he begged -me to meet him in Leipzig, where he was going to stay for a few -days. - -This meeting with him did not leave me unimpressed. He was a -tall, stately man, distinguished in appearance, and of a serious -and calm temperament. He gave me to understand, in a touching, -almost apologetic manner, that the essence of his education and -of his aversion from the new tendencies in music, had its origin -in the first impressions he had received on hearing, as a very -young boy, Mozart's Magic Flute, a work which was quite new at -that time, and which had a great influence on his whole life. -Regarding my libretto to Lohengrin, which I had left behind for -him to read, and the general impression which my personal -acquaintance had made on him, he expressed himself with almost -surprising warmth to my brother-in-law, Hermann Brockhaus, at -whose house we had been invited to dine, and where, during the -meal, the conversation was most animated. Besides this, we had -met at real musical evenings at the conductor Hauptmann's as well -as at Mendelssohn's, on which occasion I heard the master take -the violin in one of his own quartettes. It was precisely in -these circles that I was impressed by the touching and venerable -dignity of his absolutely calm demeanour. Later on, I learned -from witnesses--for whose testimony, be it said, I cannot vouch-- -that Tannhauser, when it was performed at Cassel, had caused him -so much confusion and pain that he declared he could no longer -follow me, and feared that I must be on the wrong road. - -In order to recover from all the hardships and cares I had gone -through, I now managed to obtain a special favour from the -management, in the form of a three months' leave, in which to -improve my health in rustic retirement, and to get pure air to -breathe while composing some new work. To this end I had chosen a -peasant's house in the village of Gross-Graupen, which is half- -way between Pillnitz and the border of what is known as 'Saxon -Switzerland.' Frequent excursions to the Porsberg, to the -adjacent Liebethaler, and to the far distant bastion helped to -strengthen my unstrung nerves. While I was first planning the -music to Lohengrin, I was disturbed incessantly by the echoes of -some of the airs in Rossini's William Tell, which was the last -opera I had had to conduct. At last I happened to hit on an -effective means of stopping this annoying obtrusion: during my -lonely walks I sang with great emphasis the first theme from the -Ninth Symphony, which had also quite lately been revived in my -memory. This succeeded! At Pirna, where one can bathe in the -river, I was surprised, on one of my almost regular evening -constitutionals, to hear the air from the Pilgrim's Chorus out of -Tannhauser whistled by some bather, who was invisible to me. This -first sign of the possibility of popularising the work, which I -had with such difficulty succeeded in getting performed in -Dresden, made an impression on me which no similar experience -later on has ever been able to surpass. Sometimes I received -visits from friends in Dresden, and among them Hans von Bulow, -who was then sixteen years old, came accompanied by Lipinsky. -This gave me great pleasure, because I had already noticed the -interest which he took in me. Generally, however, I had to rely -only on my wife's company, and during my long walks I had to be -satisfied with my little dog Peps. During this summer holiday, of -which a great part of the time had at the beginning to be devoted -to the unpleasant task of arranging my business affairs, and also -to the improvement of my health, I nevertheless succeeded in -making a sketch of the music to the whole of the three acts of -Lohengrin, although this cannot be said to have consisted of -anything more than a very hasty outline. - -With this much gained, I returned in August to Dresden, and -resumed my duties as conductor, which every year seemed to become -more and more burdensome to me. Moreover, I immediately plunged -once more into the midst of troubles which had only just been -temporarily allayed. The business of publishing my operas, on the -success of which I still counted as the only means of liberating -me from my difficult position, demanded ever-fresh sacrifices if -the enterprise were to be made worth while. But as my income was -now very much reduced, even the smallest outlays necessarily led -me into ever-new and more painful complications; and I once more -lost all courage. - -On the other hand, I tried to strengthen myself by again working -energetically at Lohengrin. While doing this, I proceeded in a -manner that I have not since repeated. I first of all completed -the third act, and in view of the criticism already mentioned of -the characters and conclusion of this act, I determined to try to -make it the very pivot of the whole opera. I wished to do this, -if only for the sake of the musical motive appearing in the story -of the Holy Grail; but in other respects the plan struck me as -perfectly satisfactory. - -Owing to previous suggestions on my part, Gluck's Iphigenia in -Aulis was to be produced this winter. I felt it my duty to give -more care and attention to this work, which interested me -particularly on account of its subject, than I had given to the -study of the Armida. In the first place, I was upset by the -translation in which the opera with the Berlin score was -presented to us. In order not to be led into false -interpretations through the instrumental additions which I -considered very badly applied in this score, I wrote for the -original edition from Paris. When I had made a thorough revision -of the translation, with a view merely to the correctness of -declamation, I was spurred on by my increasing interest to revise -the score itself. I tried to bring the poem as far as possible -into agreement with Euripides' play of the same name, by the -elimination of everything which, in deference to French taste, -made the relationship between Achilles and Iphigenia one of -tender love. The chief alteration of all was to cut out the -inevitable marriage at the end. For the sake of the vitality of -the drama I tried to join the arias and choruses, which generally -followed immediately upon each other without rhyme or reason, by -connecting links, prologues and epilogues. In this I did my best, -by the use of Gluck's themes, to make the interpolations of a -strange composer as unnoticeable as possible. In the third act -alone was I obliged to give Iphigenia, as well as Artemis, whom I -had myself introduced, recitatives of my own composition. -Throughout the rest of the work I revised the whole -instrumentation more or less thoroughly, but only with the object -of making the existing version produce the effect I desired. It -was not till the end of the year that I was able to finish this -tremendous task, and I had to postpone the completion of the -third act of Lohengrin, which I had already begun, until the New -Year. - -The first thing to claim my attention at the beginning of the -year (1847) was the production of Iphigenia. I had to act as -stage manager in this case, and was even obliged to help the -scene-painters and the mechanicians over the smallest details. -Owing to the fact that the scenes in this opera were generally -strung together somewhat clumsily and without any apparent -connection, it was necessary to recast them completely, in order -so to animate the representation as to give to the dramatic -action the life it lacked. A good deal of this faultiness of -construction seemed to me due to the many conventional practices -which were prevalent at the Paris Opera in Gluck's time. -Mitterwurzer was the only actor in the, whole cast who gave me -any pleasure. In the role of Agamemnon he showed a thorough grasp -of that character, and carried out my instructions and -suggestions to the letter, so that he succeeded in giving a -really splendid and intelligent rendering of the part. The -success of the whole performance was far beyond my expectations, -and even the directors were so surprised at the exceptional -enthusiasm aroused by one of Gluck's operas, that for the second -performance they, on their own initiative, had my name put on the -programme as 'Reviser.' This at once drew the attention of the -critics to this work, and for once they almost did me justice; my -treatment of the overture, the only part of the opera which these -gentlemen heard rendered in the usual trivial way, was the only -thing that they could find fault with. I have discussed and given -an accurate account of all that relates to this in a special -article on 'Gluck's Overture to Iphigenia in Aulis' and I only -wish to add here that the musician who made such strange comments -on this occasion was Ferdinand Hiller. - -As in former years, the winter meetings of the various artistic -elements in Dresden which Hiller had inaugurated, continued to -take place; but they now assumed more the character of 'salons' -in Hiller's own house, and it seemed to me intended solely for -the purpose of laying the foundations for a general recognition -of Hiller's artistic greatness. He had already founded, among the -more wealthy patrons of art, the chief of whom was the banker -Kaskel, a society for running subscription concerts. As it was -impossible for the royal orchestra to be placed at his disposal -for this purpose, he had to content himself with members of the -town and military bands for his orchestra, and it cannot be -denied that, thanks to his perseverance, he attained a -praiseworthy result. As he produced many compositions which were -still unknown in Dresden, especially from the domain of more -modern music, I was often tempted to go to his concerts. His -chief bait to the general public, however, seemed to lie in the -fact that he presented unknown singers (among whom, -unfortunately, Jenny Lind was not to be found) and virtuosos, one -of which, Joachim, who was then very young, I became acquainted -with. - -Hiller's treatment of those works with which I was already well -acquainted, showed what his musical power was really worth. The -careless and indifferent manner in which he interpreted a Triple -Concerto by Sebastian Bach positively astounded me. In the tempo -di minuetto of the Eighth Symphony of Beethoven, I found that -Hiller's rendering was even more astonishing than Reissiger's and -Mendelssohn's. I promised to be present at the performance of -this symphony if I could rely on his giving a correct rendering -of the tempo of the third phrase, which was generally so -painfully distorted, He assured me that he thoroughly agreed with -me about it, and my disappointment at the performance was all the -greater when I found the well-known waltz measure adopted again. -When I called him to account about it he excused himself with a -smile, saying that he had been seized with a fit of temporary -abstraction just at the beginning of the phrase in question, -which had made him forget his promise. For inaugurating these -concerts, which, as a matter of fact, only lasted for two -seasons, Hiller was given a banquet, which I also had much -pleasure in attending. - -People in these circles were surprised at that time to hear me -speak, often with great animation, about Greek literature and -history, but never about music. In the course of my reading, -which I zealously pursued, and which drew me away from my -professional activities to retirement and solitude, I was at that -time impelled by my spiritual needs to turn my attention once -more to a systematic study of this all-important source of -culture, with the object of filling the perceptible gap between -my boyhood's knowledge of the eternal elements of human culture -and the neglect of this field of learning due to the life I had -been obliged to lead. In order to approach the real goal of my -desires--the study of Old and Middle High German--in the right -frame of mind, I began again from the beginning with Greek -antiquity, and was now filled with such overwhelming enthusiasm -for this subject that, whenever I entered into conversation, and -by hook or by crook had managed to get it round to this theme, I -could only speak in terms of the strongest emotion. I -occasionally met some one who seemed to listen to what I had to -say; on the whole, however, people preferred to talk to me only -about the theatre because, since my production of Gluck's -Iphigenia, they thought themselves justified in thinking I was an -authority on this subject. I received special recognition from a -man to whom I quite rightly gave the credit of being at least as -well versed as myself in the matter. This was Eduard Devrient, -who had been forced at that time to resign his position as stage -manager-in-chief owing to a plot against him on the part of the -actors, headed by his own brother Emil. We were brought into -closer sympathy by our conversations in connection with this, -which led him into dissertations on the triviality and thorough -hopelessness of our whole theatrical life, especially under the -ruining influence of ignorant court managers, which could never -be overcome. - -We were also drawn together by his intelligent understanding of -the part I had played in the production of Iphigenia, which he -compared with the Berlin production of the same piece, that had -been utterly condemned by him. He was for a long time the only -man with whom I could discuss, seriously and in detail, the real -needs of the theatre and the means by which its defects might be -remedied. Owing to his longer and more specialised experience, -there was much he could tell me and make clear to me; in -particular he helped me successfully to overcome the idea that -mere literary excellence is enough for the theatre, and confirmed -my conviction that the path to true prosperity lay only with the -stage itself and with the actors of the drama. - -From this time forward, till I left Dresden, my intercourse with -Eduard Devrient grew more and more friendly, though his dry -nature and obvious limitations as an actor had attracted me but -little before. His highly meritorious work, Die Geschichte der -deutschen Schauspielkunst ('History of German Dramatic Art'), -which he finished and published about that time, threw a fresh -and instructive light on many problems which exercised my mind, -and helped me to master them for the first time. - -At last I managed once more to resume my task of composing the -third act of Lohengrin, which had been interrupted in the middle -of the Bridal Scene, and I finished it by the end of the winter. -After the repetition, by special request, of the Ninth Symphony -at the concert on Palm Sunday had revived me, I tried to find -comfort and refreshment for the further progress of my new work -by changing my abode, this time without asking permission. The -old Marcolini palace, with a very large garden laid out partly in -the French style, was situated in an outlying and thinly -populated suburb of Dresden. - -It had been sold to the town council, and a part of it was to be -let. The sculptor, Hanel, whom I had known for a long time, and -who had given me as a mark of friendship an ornament in the shape -of a perfect plaster cast of one of the bas-reliefs from -Beethoven's monument representing the Ninth Symphony, had taken -the large rooms on the ground floor of a side-wing of this palace -for his dwelling and studio. At Easter I moved into the spacious -apartments, above him, the rent of which was extremely low, and -found that the large garden planted with glorious trees, which -was placed at my disposal, and the pleasant stillness of the -whole place, not only provided mental food for the weary artist, -but at the same time, by lessening my expenses, improved my -straitened finances. We soon settled down quite comfortably in -the long row of pleasant rooms without having incurred any -unnecessary expense, as Minna was very practical in her -arrangements. The only real inconvenience which in the course of -time I found our new home possessed, was its inordinate distance -from the theatre. This was a great trial to me after fatiguing -rehearsals and tiring performances, as the expense of a cab was a -serious consideration. But we were favoured by an exceptionally -fine summer, which put me in a happy frame of mind, and soon -helped to overcome every inconvenience. - -At this time I insisted with the utmost firmness on refraining -from taking any further share in the management of the theatre, -and I had most cogent reasons to bring forth in defence of my -conduct. All my endeavours to set in order the wilful chaos which -prevailed in the use of the costly artistic materials at the -disposal of this royal institution were repeatedly thwarted, -merely because I wished to introduce some method into the -arrangements. In a carefully written pamphlet which, in addition -to my other work, I had compiled during the past winter, I had -drawn up a plan for the reorganisation of the orchestra, and had -shown how we might increase the productive power of our artistic -capital by making a more methodical use of the royal funds -intended for its maintenance, and showing greater discretion -regarding salaries. This increase in the productive power would -raise the artistic spirit as well as improve the economic -position of the members of the orchestra, for I should have liked -them at the same time to form an independent concert society. In -such a capacity it would have been their task to present to the -people of Dresden, in the best possible way, a kind of music -which they had hitherto hardly had the opportunity of enjoying at -all. It would have been possible for such a union, which, as I -pointed out, had so many external circumstances in its favour, to -provide Dresden with a suitable concert-hall. I hear, however, -that such a place is wanting to this day. - -With this object in view I entered into close communication with -architects and builders, and the plans were completed, according -to which the scandalous buildings facing a wing of the renowned -prison opposite the Ostra Allee, and consisting of a shed for the -members of the theatre and a public wash-house, were to be pulled -down and replaced by a beautiful building, which, besides -containing a large concert-hall adapted to our requirements, -would also have had other large rooms which could have been, let -out on hire at a profit. The practicality of these plans was -disputed by no one, as even the administrators of the orchestra's -widows' fund saw in them an opportunity for the safe and -advantageous laying out of capital; yet they were returned to me, -after long consideration on the part of the general management, -with thanks and an acknowledgment of my careful work, and the -curt reply that it was thought better for things to remain as -they were. - -All my proposals for meeting the useless waste and drain upon our -artistic capital by a more methodical arrangement, met with the -same success in every detail that I suggested. I had also found -out by long experience that every proposal which had to be -discussed and decided upon in the most tiring committee meetings, -as for instance the starting of a repertoire, might at any moment -be overthrown and altered for the worse by the temper of a singer -or the plan of a junior business inspector. I was therefore -driven to renounce my wasted efforts and, after many a stormy -discussion and outspoken expression of my sentiments, I withdrew -from taking any part whatever in any branch of the management, -and limited myself entirely to holding rehearsals and conducting -performances of the operas provided for me. - -Although my relations with Luttichau grew more and more strained -on this account, for the time being it mattered little whether my -conduct pleased him or not, as otherwise my position was one -which commanded respect, on account of the ever-increasing -popularity of Tannhauser and Rienzi, which were presented during -the summer to houses packed with distinguished visitors, and were -invariably chosen for the gala performances. - -By thus going my own way and refusing to be interfered with, I -succeeded this summer, amid the delightful and perfect seclusion -of my new home, in preserving myself in a frame of mind -exceedingly favourable to the completion of my Lohengrin. My -studies, which, as I have already mentioned, I pursued eagerly at -the same time as I was working on my opera, made me feel more -light-hearted than I had ever done before. For the first time I -now mastered AEschylus with real feeling and understanding. -Droysen's eloquent commentaries in particular helped to bring -before my imagination the intoxicating effect of the production -of an Athenian tragedy, so that I could see the Oresteia with my -mind's eye, as though it were actually being performed, and its -effect upon me was indescribable. Nothing, however, could equal -the sublime emotion with which the Agamemnon trilogy inspired me, -and to the last word of the Eumenides I lived in an atmosphere so -far removed from the present day that I have never since been -really able to reconcile myself with modern literature. My ideas -about the whole significance of the drama and of the theatre -were, without a doubt, moulded by these impressions. I worked my -way through the other tragedians, and finally reached -Aristophanes. When I had spent the morning industriously upon the -completion of the music for Lohengrin, I used to creep into the -depths of a thick shrubbery in my part of the garden to get -shelter from the summer heat, which was becoming more intense -every day. My delight in the comedies of Aristophanes was -boundless, when once his Birds had plunged me into the full -torrent of the genius of this wanton favourite of the Graces, as -he used to call himself with conscious daring. Side by side with -this poet I read the principal dialogues of Plato, and from the -Symposium I gained such a deep insight into the wonderful beauty -of Greek life that I felt myself more truly at home in ancient -Athens than in any conditions which the modern world has to -offer. - -As I was following out a settled course of self-education, I did -not wish to pursue my way further in the leading-strings of any -literary history, and I consequently turned my attention from the -historical studies, which seemed to be my own peculiar province, -and in which department Droysen's history of Alexander and the -Hellenistic period, as well as Niebuhr and Gibbon, were of great -help to me, and fell back once more upon my old and trusty guide, -Jakob Grimm, for the study of German antiquity. In my efforts to -master the myths of Germany more thoroughly than had been -possible in my former perusal of the Nibelung and the Heldenbuch, -Mone's particularly suggestive commentary on this Heldensage -filled me with delight, although stricter scholars regarded this -work with suspicion on account of the boldness of some of its -statements. By this means I was drawn irresistibly to the -northern sagas; and I now tried, as far as was possible without a -fluent knowledge of the Scandinavian languages, to acquaint -myself with the Edda, as well as with the prose version which -existed of a considerable portion of the Heldensage. - -Read by the light of Mone's Commentaries, the Wolsungasaga had a -decided influence upon my method of handling this material. My -conceptions as to the inner significance of these old-world -legends, which had been growing for a long time, gradually gained -strength and moulded themselves with the plastic forms which -inspired my later works. - -All this was sinking into my mind and slowly maturing, whilst -with unfeigned delight I was finishing the music of the first two -acts of Lohengrin, which were now at last completed. I now -succeeded in shutting out the past and building up for myself a -new world of the future, which presented itself with ever-growing -clearness to my mind as the refuge whither I might retreat from -all the miseries of modern opera and theatre life. At the same -time, my health and temper were settling down into a mood of -almost unclouded serenity, which made me oblivious for a long -time of all the worries of my position. I used to walk every day -up into the neighbouring hills, which rose from the banks of the -Elbe to the Plauenscher Grand. I generally went alone, except for -the company of our little dog Peps, and my excursions always -resulted in producing a satisfactory number of ideas. At the same -time, I found I had developed a capacity, which I had never -possessed before, for good-tempered intercourse with the friends -and acquaintances who liked to come from time to time to the -Marcolini garden to share my simple supper. My visitors used -often to find me perched on a high branch of a tree, or on the -neck of the Neptune which was the central figure of a large group -of statuary in the middle of an old fountain, unfortunately -always dry, belonging to the palmy days of the Marcolini estate. -I used to enjoy walking with my friends up and down the broad -footpath of the drive leading to the real palace, which had been -laid especially for Napoleon in the fatal year 1813, when he had -fixed his headquarters there. - -By August, the last month of summer, I had completely finished -the composition of Lohengrin, and felt that it was high time for -me to have done so, as the needs of my position demanded -imperatively that I should give my most serious attention to -improving it, and it became a matter of supreme importance for me -once more to take steps for having my operas produced in the -German theatres. - -Even the success of Tannhauser in Dresden, which became more -obvious every day, did not attract the smallest notice anywhere -else. Berlin was the only place which had any influence in the -theatrical world of Germany, and I ought long before to have -given my undivided attention to that city. From all I had heard -of the special tastes of Friedrich Wilhelm IV., I felt perfectly -justified in assuming that he would feel sympathetically inclined -towards my later works and conceptions if I could only manage to -bring them to his notice in the right light. On this hypothesis I -had already thought of dedicating Tannhauser to him, and to gain -permission to do so I had to apply to Count Redern, the court -musical director. From him I heard that the King could only -accept the dedication of works which had actually been performed -in his presence, and of which he thus had a personal knowledge. -As my Tannhauser had been refused by the managers of the court -theatre because it was considered too epic in form, the Count -added that if I wished to remain firm in my resolve, there was -only one way out of the difficulty, and that was to adapt my -opera as far as possible to a military band, and try to bring it -to the King's notice on parade. This drove me to determine upon -another plan of attack on Berlin. - -After this experience I saw that I must open my campaign there -with the opera that had won the most decided triumph in Dresden. -I therefore obtained an audience of the Queen of Saxony, the -sister of the King of Prussia, and begged her to use her -influence with her brother to obtain a performance in Berlin by -royal command of my Rienzi, which was also a favourite with the -court of Saxony. This manoeuvre was successful, and I soon -received a communication from my old friend Kustner to say that -the production of Rienzi was fixed for a very early date at the -Berlin Court Theatre, and at the same time expressing the hope -that I would conduct my work in person. As a very handsome -author's royalty had been paid by this theatre, at the -instigation of Kustner, on the occasion of the production of his -old Munich friend Lachner's opera, Katharina von Cornaro, I hoped -to realise a very substantial improvement in my finances if only -the success of Rienzi in this city in any degree rivalled that in -Dresden. But my chief desire was to make the acquaintance of the -King of Prussia, so that I might read him the text of my -Lohengrin, and arouse his interest in my work. This from various -signs I flattered myself was perfectly possible, in which case I -intended to beg him to command the first performance of Lohengrin -to be given at his court theatre. - -After my strange experiences as to the way in which my success in -Dresden had been kept secret from the rest of Germany, it seemed -to me a matter of vital importance to make the future centre of -my artistic enterprises the only place which exercised any -influence on the outside world, and as such I was forced to -regard Berlin. Inspired by the success of my recommendation to -the Queen of Prussia, I hoped to gain access to the King himself, -which I regarded as a most important step. Full of confidence, -and in excellent spirits, I set out for Berlin in September, -trusting to a favourable turn of Fortune's wheel, in the first -place for the rehearsals of Rienzi, though my interests were no -longer centred in this work. - -Berlin made the same impression on me as on the occasion of my -former visit, when I saw it again after my long absence in Paris. -Professor Werder, my friend of the Fliegender Hollander, had -taken lodgings for me in advance in the renowned Gensdarmeplatz, -but when I looked at the view from my windows every day I could -not believe that I was in a city which was the very centre of -Germany. Soon, however, I was completely absorbed by the cares of -the task I had in hand. - -I had nothing to complain of with regard to the official -preparations for Rienzi, but I soon noticed that it was looked -upon merely as a conductor's opera, that is to say, all the -materials to hand were duly placed at my disposal, but the -management had not the slightest intention of doing anything more -for me. All the arrangements for my rehearsals were entirely -upset as soon as a visit from Jenny Lind was announced, and she -occupied the Royal Opera exclusively for some time. - -During the delay thus caused I did all I could to attain my main -object--an introduction to the King--and for this purpose made -use of my former acquaintance with the court musical director, -Count Redern. This gentleman received me at once with the -greatest affability, invited me to dinner and a soiree, and -entered into a hearty discussion with me about the steps -necessary for attaining my purpose, in which he promised to do -his utmost to help me. I also paid frequent visits to Sans-Souci, -in order to pay my respects to the Queen and express my thanks to -her. But I never got further than an interview with the ladies- -in-waiting, and I was advised to put myself into communication -with M. Illaire, the head of the Royal Privy Council. This -gentleman seemed to be impressed by the seriousness of my -request, and promised to do what he could to further my wish for -a personal introduction to the King. He asked what my real object -was, and I told him it was to get permission from the King to -read my libretto Lohengrin to him. On the occasion of one of my -oft-repeated visits from Berlin, he asked me whether I did not -think it would be advisable to bring a recommendation of my work -from Tieck. I was able to tell him that I had already had the -pleasure of bringing my case to the notice of the old poet, who -lived near Potsdam as a royal pensioner. - -I remembered very well that Frau von Luttichau had sent the -themes Lohengrin and Tannhauser to her old friend some years ago, -when these matters were first mentioned between us. When I called -upon Tieck, I was welcomed by him almost as a friend, and I found -my long talks with him exceedingly valuable. Although Tieck had -perhaps gained a somewhat doubtful reputation for the leniency -with which he would give his recommendation for the dramatic -works of those who applied to him, yet I was pleased by the -genuine disgust with which he spoke of our latest dramatic -literature, which was modelling itself on the style of modern -French stagecraft, and his complaint at the utter lack of any -true poetic feeling in it was heartfelt. He declared himself -delighted with my poem of Lohengrin, but could not understand how -all this was to be set to music without a complete change in the -conventional structure of an opera, and on this score he objected -to such scenes as that between Ortrud and Frederick at the -beginning of the second act. I thought I had roused him to a real -enthusiasm when I explained how I proposed to solve these -apparent difficulties, and also described my own ideals about -musical drama. But the higher I soared the sadder he grew when I -had once made known to him my hope of securing the patronage of -the King of Prussia for these conceptions, and the working out of -my scheme for an ideal drama. He had no doubt that the King would -listen to me with the greatest interest, and even seize upon my -ideas with warmth, only I must not entertain the smallest hope of -any practical result, unless I wished to expose myself to the -bitterest disappointment. 'What can you expect from a man who to- -day is enthusiastic about Gluck's Iphigenia in Tauris, and to- -morrow mad about Donizetti's Lucrezia Borgia?' he said. Tieck's -conversation about these and similar topics was much too -entertaining and charming for me to give any serious weight to -the bitterness of his views. He gladly promised to recommend my -poem, more particularly to Privy Councillor Illaire, and -dismissed me with hearty goodwill and his sincere though anxious -blessing. The only result of all my labours was that the desired -invitation from the King still hung fire. As the rehearsals for -Rienzi, which had been postponed on account of Jenny Lind's -visit, were being carried on seriously again, I made up my mind -to take no further trouble before the performance of my opera, as -I thought myself, at any rate, justified in counting on the -presence of the monarch on the first night, as the piece was -being played at his express command, and at the same time I hoped -this would conduce to the fulfilment of my main object. However, -the nearer we came to the event the lower did the hopes I had -built upon it sink. To play the part of the hero I had to be -satisfied with a tenor who was absolutely devoid of talent, and -far below the average. He was a conscientious, painstaking man, -and had moreover been strongly recommended to me by my kind host, -the renowned Meinhard. After I had taken infinite pains with him, -and had in consequence, as so often happens, conjured up in my -mind certain illusions as to what I might expect from his acting, -I was obliged, when it came to the final test of the dress -rehearsal, to confess my true opinion. I realised that the -scenery, chorus, ballet, and minor parts were on the whole -excellent, but that the chief character, around whom in this -particular opera everything centred, faded into an insignificant -phantom. The reception which this opera met with at the hands of -the public when it was produced in October was also due to him; -but in consequence of the fairly good rendering of a few -brilliant passages, and more especially on account of the -enthusiastic recognition of Frau Koster in the part of Adriano, -it might have been concluded from all the external signs that the -opera had been fairly successful. Nevertheless, I knew very well -that this seeming triumph could have no real substance, as only -the immaterial parts of my work could reach the eyes and ears of -the audience; its essential spirit had not entered their hearts. -Moreover, the Berlin reviewers in their usual way began their -attacks immediately, with the view of demolishing any success my -opera might have won, so that after the second performance, which -I also conducted myself, I began to wonder whether my desperate -labours were really worth while. - -When I asked the few intimate friends I had their opinion on this -point, I elicited much valuable information. Among these friends -I must mention, in the first place, Hermann Franck, whom I found -again. He had lately settled in Berlin, and did much to encourage -me. I spent the most enjoyable part of those sad two months in -his company, of which, however, I had but too little. Our -conversation generally turned upon reminiscences of the old days, -and on to topics which had no connection with the theatre, so -that I was almost ashamed to trouble him with my complaints on -this subject, especially as they concerned my worries about a -work which I could not pretend was of any practical importance to -the stage. He for his part soon arrived at the conclusion that it -had been foolish of me to choose my Rienzi for this occasion, as -it was an opera which appealed merely to the general public, in -preference to my Tannhauser, which might have educated a party in -Berlin useful to my higher aims. He maintained that the very -nature of this work would have aroused a fresh interest in the -drama in the minds of people who, like himself, were no longer to -be counted among regular theatre-goers, precisely because they -had given up all hope of ever finding any nobler ideals of the -stage. - -The curious information as to the character of Berlin art in -other respects, which Werder gave me from time to time, was most -discouraging. With regard to the public, he told me once that at -a performance of an unknown work, it was quite useless for me to -expect a single member of the audience from the stalls to the -gallery to take his seat with any better object in view than to -pick as many holes as possible in the production. Although Werder -did not wish to discourage me in any of my endeavours, he felt -himself obliged to warn me continually not to expect anything -above the average from the cultured society of Berlin. He liked -to see proper respect paid to the really considerable gifts of -the King; and when I asked him how he thought the latter would -receive my ideas about the ennobling of opera, he answered, after -having listened attentively to a long and fiery tirade on my -part: 'The King would say to you, "Go and consult Stawinsky!"' -This was the opera manager, a fat, smug creature who had grown -rusty in following out the most jog-trot routine. In short, -everything I learned was calculated to discourage me. I called on -Bernhard Marx, who some years ago had shown a kindly interest in -my Fliegender Hollander, and was courteously received by him. -This man, who in his earlier writings and musical criticisms had -seemed to me filled with a fire of energy, now struck me as -extraordinarily limp and listless when I saw him by the side of -his young wife, who was radiantly and bewitchingly beautiful. -From his conversation I soon learned that he also had abandoned -even the remotest hope of success for any efforts directed -towards the object so dear to both our hearts, on account of the -inconceivable shallowness of all the officials connected with the -head authority. He told me of the extraordinary fate which had -befallen a scheme he had brought to the notice of the King for -founding a school of music. In a special audience the King had -gone into the matter with the greatest interest, and noticed the -minutest detail, so that Marx felt justified in entertaining the -strongest possible hopes of success. However, all his labours and -negotiations about the business, in the course of which he was -driven from pillar to post, proved utterly futile, until at last -he was told to have an interview with a certain general. This -personage, like the King, had Marx's proposals explained to him -in the minutest detail, and expressed his warmest sympathy with -the undertaking. 'And there,' said Marx, at the end of this long -rigmarole, 'the matter ended, and I never heard another word -about it.' - -One day I learned that Countess Rossi, the renowned Henriette -Sontag, who was living in quiet seclusion in Berlin, had pleasant -recollections of me in Dresden, and wished me to visit her. She -had at this time already fallen into the unfortunate position -which was so detrimental to her artistic career. She too -complained bitterly of the general apathy of the influential -classes in Berlin, which effectually prevented any artistic aims -from being realised. It was her opinion that the King found a -sort of satisfaction in knowing that the theatre was badly -managed, for though he never opposed any criticisms which he -received on the subject, he likewise never supported any proposal -for its improvement. She expressed a wish to know something of my -latest work, and I gave her my poem of Lohengrin for perusal. On -the occasion of my next morning call she told me she would send -me an invitation to a musical evening which she was going to have -at her house in honour of the Grand Duke of Mecklenburg-Strelitz, -her elderly patron, and she also gave me back the manuscript of -Lohengrin, with the assurance that it had appealed to her very -much, and that while she was reading it she had often seen the -little fairies and elves dancing about in front of her. As in the -old days I had been heartily encouraged by the warm and friendly -sympathy of this naturally cultured woman, I now felt as if cold -water had been suddenly poured down my back. I soon took my -leave, and never saw her again. Indeed, I had no particular -object in doing so, as the promised invitation never came. Herr -E. Kossak also sought me out, and although our acquaintance did -not lead to much, I was sufficiently kindly received by him to -give him my poem of Lohengrin to read. I went one day by -appointment to see him, and found that his room had just been -scrubbed with boiling water. The steam from this operation was so -unbearable that it had already given him a headache, and was not -less disagreeable to me. He looked into my face with an almost -tender expression when he gave me back the manuscript of my poem, -and assured me, in accents which admitted of no doubt of his -sincerity, that he thought it 'very pretty.' - -I found my casual intercourse with H. Truhn rather more -entertaining. I used to treat him to a good glass of wine at -Lutter and Wegener's, where I went occasionally on account of its -association with Hoffmann, and he would then listen with -apparently growing interest to my ideas as to the possible -development of opera and the goal at which we should aim. His -comments were generally witty and very much to the point, and his -lively and animated ways pleased me very much. After the -production of Rienzi, however, he too, as a critic, joined the -majority of scoffers and detractors. The only person who -supported me stoutly but uselessly, through thick and thin, was -my old friend Gaillard. His little music-shop was not a success, -his musical journal had already failed, so that he was only able -to help me in small ways. Unfortunately I discovered not only -that he was the author of many exceedingly dubious dramatic -works, for which he wished to gain my support, but also that he -was apparently in the last stages of the disease from which he -was suffering, so that the little intercourse I had with him, in -spite of all his fidelity and devotion, only exercised a -melancholy and depressing influence upon me. - -But as I had embarked upon this Berlin enterprise in -contradiction to all my inmost wishes, and prompted solely by the -desire of winning the success so vital to my position, I made up -my mind to make a personal appeal to Rellstab. - -As in the case of the Fliegender Hollander he had taken exception -more particularly to its 'nebulousness' and 'lack of form,' I -thought I might with advantage point out to him the brighter and -clearer outline of Rienzi. He seemed to be pleased at my -thinking I could get anything out of him, but told me at once of -his firm conviction that any new art form was utterly impossible -after Gluck, and that the only thing that the best of good luck -and hard work was capable of producing was meaningless bombast. I -then realised that in Berlin all hope had been abandoned. I was -told that Meyerbeer was the only man who had been able in any way -to master the situation. - -This former patron of mine I met once more in Berlin, and he -declared that he still took an interest in me. As soon as I -arrived I called on him, but in the hall I found his servant busy -packing up trunks, and learned that Meyerbeer was just going -away. His master confirmed this assertion, and regretted that he -would not be able to do anything for me, so I had to say good-bye -and how-do-you-do at the same time. For some time I thought he -really was away, but after a few weeks I learned to my surprise -that he was still staying in Berlin without letting himself be -seen by any one, and at last he made his appearance again at one -of the rehearsals of Rienzi. What this meant I only discovered -later from a rumour which was circulated among the initiated, and -imparted to me by Eduard von Bulow, my young friend's father. -Without having the slightest idea how it originated, I learned, -about the middle of my stay in Berlin, from the conductor -Taubert, that he had heard on very good authority that I was -trying for a director's post at the court theatre, and had good -expectations of securing the appointment in addition to special -privileges. In order to remain on good terms with Taubert, as it -was very necessary for me to do, I had to give him the most -solemn assurances that such an idea had never even entered my -head, and that I would not accept such a position if it were -offered to me. On the other hand, all my endeavours to get access -to the King continued to be fruitless. My chief mediator, to whom -I always turned, was still Count Redern, and although my -attention had been called to his staunch adherence to Meyerbeer, -his extraordinary open and friendly manner always strengthened my -belief in his honesty. At last the only medium that remained open -to me was the fact that the King could not possibly stay away -from the performance of Rienzi, given at his express command, and -on this conviction I based all further hope of approaching him. -Whereupon Count Redern informed me, with an expression of deep -despair, that on the very day of the first performance the -monarch would be away on a hunting party. Once more I begged him -to make very effort in his power to secure the King's presence, -at least at the second performance, and at length my -inexhaustible patron told me that he could not make head or tail -of it, but his Majesty seemed to have conceived an utter -disinclination to accede to my wish; he himself had heard these -hard words fall from the royal lips: 'Oh bother! have you come to -me again with your Rienzi?' - -At this second performance I had a pleasant experience. After the -impressive second act the public showed signs of wishing to call -me, and as I went from the orchestra to the vestibule, in order -to be ready if necessary, my foot slipped on the smooth parquet, -and I might have had perhaps a serious fall had I not felt my arm -grasped by a strong hand. I turned, and recognised the Crown -Prince of Prussia [FOOTNOTE: This Prince subsequently became the -Emperor William the First. He was given the title of Crown Prince -in 1840 on the death of his father, Frederick William III., as he -was then heir-presumptive to his brother, Frederick William IV., -whose marriage was without issue.--EDITOR.], who had come out of -his box, and who at once seized the opportunity of inviting me to -follow him to his wife, who wished to make my acquaintance. She -had only just arrived in Berlin, and told me that she had heard -my opera for the first time that evening, and expressed her -appreciation of it. She had, however, long ago received very -favourable reports of me and my artistic aims from a common -friend, Alwine Frommann. The whole tenor of this interview, at -which the Prince was present, was unusually friendly and -pleasant. - -It was indeed my old friend Alwine who in Berlin had not only -followed all my fortunes with the greatest sympathy, but had also -done all in her power to give me consolation and courage to -endure. Almost every evening, when the day's business made it -possible, I used to visit her for an hour of recreation, and gain -strength from her ennobling conversation for the struggle against -the reverses of the following day. I was particularly pleased by -the warm and intelligent sympathy which she and our mutual friend -Werder devoted to Lohengrin, the object of all my labours at that -time. On the arrival of her friend and patroness, the Crown -Princess, which had been delayed till now, she hoped to hear -something more definite as to how my affairs stood with the King, -although she intimated to me that even this great lady was in -deep disfavour, and could only bring her influence to bear upon -the King by observing the strictest etiquette. But from this -source also no news reached me till it was time for me to leave -Berlin and I could postpone my departure no longer. - -As I had to conduct a third performance of Rienzi, and there -still remained a remote possibility of receiving a sudden command -to Sans-Souci, I accordingly fixed on a date which would be the -very latest I could wait to ascertain the fate of the projects I -had nearest to heart. This period passed by, and I was forced to -realise that my hopes of Berlin were wholly shattered. - -I was in a very depressed state when I made up my mind to this -conclusion. I can seldom remember having been so dreadfully -affected by the influence of cold and wet weather and an -eternally grey sky as during those last wretched weeks in Berlin, -when everything that I heard, in addition to my own private -anxieties, weighed upon me with a leaden weight of -discouragement. - -My conversations with Hermann Franck about the social and -political situation had assumed a peculiarly gloomy tone, as the -King of Prussia's efforts to summon a united conference had -failed. I was among those who had at first been inclined to see a -hopeful significance in this undertaking, but it was a shock to -have all the intimate details relating to the project clearly set -before me by so well informed a man as Franck. His dispassionate -views on this subject, as well as on the Prussian State in -particular, which was supposed to be representative of German -intelligence, and was universally considered to be a model of -order and good government, so completely disillusioned me and -destroyed all the favourable and hopeful opinions I had formed of -it, that I felt as if I had plunged into chaos, and realised the -utter futility of expecting a prosperous settlement of the German -question from this quarter. If in the midst of my misery in -Dresden I had founded great hopes from gaining the King of -Prussia's sympathy for my ideas, I could no longer close my eyes -to the fearful hollowness which the state of affairs disclosed to -me on every side. - -In this despairing mood I felt but little emotion when, on going -to say good-bye to Count Redern, he told me with a very sad face -the news, which had just arrived, of Mendelssohn's death. I -certainly did not realise this stroke of fate, which Redern's -obvious grief first brought to my notice. At all events, he was -spared more detailed and heartfelt explanation of my own affairs, -which he had so much at heart. - -The only thing that remained for me to do in Berlin was to try -and make my material success balance my material loss. For a stay -of two months, during which my wife and my sister Clara had been -with me, lured on by the hope that the production of Rienzi in -Berlin would be a brilliant success, I found my old friend, -Director Kustner, by no means inclined to compensate me. From his -correspondence with me he could prove up to the hilt that legally -he had only expressed the desire for my co-operation in studying -Rienzi, but had given me no positive invitation. As I was -prevented by Count Redern's grief over Mendelssohn's death from -going to him for help in these trivial private concerns, there -was no alternative but for me to accept with a good grace -Kustner's beneficence in paying me on the spot the royalties on -the three performances which had already taken place. The Dresden -authorities were surprised when I found myself obliged to beg an -advance of income from them in order to conclude this brilliant -undertaking in Berlin. - -As I was travelling with my wife in the most horrible weather -through the deserted country on my way home, I fell into a mood -of the blackest despair, which I thought I might perhaps survive -once in a lifetime but never again. Nevertheless, it amused me, -as I sat silently looking out of the carriage into the grey mist, -to hear my wife enter into a lively discussion with a commercial -traveller who, in the course of friendly conversation, had spoken -in a disparaging way about the 'new opera Rienzi.' My wife, with -great heat and even passion, corrected various mistakes made by -this hostile critic, and to her great satisfaction made him -confess that he had not heard the opera himself, but had only -based his opinion upon hearsay and the reviews. Whereupon my wife -pointed out to him most earnestly that 'he could not possibly -know whose future he might not injure by such irresponsible -comment.' - -These were the only cheering and consoling impressions which I -carried back with me to Dresden, where I soon felt the direct -results of the reverses I had suffered in Berlin in the -condolences of my acquaintances. The papers had spread abroad the -news that my opera had been a dismal failure. The most painful -part of the whole proceeding was that I had to meet these -expressions of pity with a cheerful countenance and the assurance -that things were by no means so bad as had been made out, but -that, on the contrary, I had had many pleasant experiences. - -This unaccustomed effort placed me in a position strangely -similar to that in which I found Hiller on my return to Dresden. -He had given a performance of his new opera, Conradin von -Hohenstaufen, here just about this time. He had kept the -composition of this work a secret from me, and had hoped to make -a decided hit with it after the three performances which took -place in my absence. Both the poet and the composer thought that -in this work they had combined the tendencies and effects of my -Rienzi with those of my Tannhauser in a manner peculiarly suited -to the Dresden public. As he was just setting out for Dusseldorf, -where he had been appointed concert-director, he commended his -work with great confidence to my tender mercies, and regretted -not having the power of appointing me the conductor of it. He -acknowledged that he owed his great success partly to the -wonderfully happy rendering of the male part of Conradin by my -niece Johanna. She, in her turn, told me with equal confidence -that without her Hiller's opera would not have had such an -extraordinary triumph. I was now really anxious to see this -fortunate work and its wonderful staging for myself; and this I -was able to do, as a fourth performance was announced after -Hiller and his family had left Dresden for good. When I entered -the theatre at the beginning of the overture to take my place in -the stalls, I was astonished to find all the seats, with a few -scarcely noticeable exceptions, absolutely empty. At the other -end of my row I saw the poet who had written the libretto, the -gentle painter Reinike. We moved, naturally, towards the middle -of the space and discussed the strange position in which we found -ourselves. He poured out melancholy complaints to me about -Hiller's musical setting to his poetry; the secret of the mistake -which Hiller had made about the success of his work he did not -explain, and was evidently very much upset at the conspicuous -failure of the opera. It was from another quarter that I learned -how it had been possible for Hiller to deceive himself in such an -extraordinary way. Frau Hiller, who was of Polish origin, had -managed at the frequent Polish gatherings which took place in -Dresden to persuade a large contingent of her countrymen, who -were keen theatre-goers, to attend her husband's opera. On the -first night these friends, with their usual enthusiasm, incited -the public to applaud, but had themselves found so little -pleasure in the work that they had stayed away from the second -performance, which was otherwise badly attended, so that the -opera could only be considered a failure. By commandeering all -the help that could possibly be got from the Poles by way of -applause, every effort was made to secure a third performance on -a Sunday, when the theatre generally filled of its own accord. -This object was achieved, and the Polish theatre aristocracy, -with the charity that was habitual to them, fulfilled their duty -towards the needy couple in whose drawing-room they had often -spent such pleasant evenings. - -Once more the composer was called before the curtain, and -everything went off well. Hiller thereupon placed his confidence -in the verdict on the third performance, according to which his -opera was an undoubted success, just as had been the case with my -Tannhauser. The artificiality of this proceeding was, however, -exposed by this fourth performance, at which I was present, and -at which no one was under an obligation to the departed composer -to attend. Even my niece was disgusted with it, and thought that -the best singer in the world could not make a success of such a -tedious opera. Whilst we were watching this miserable performance -I managed to point out to the poet some weaknesses and faults -that were to be found in the subject-matter. The latter reported -my criticisms to Hiller, whereupon I received a warm and friendly -letter from Dusseldorf, in which Hiller acknowledged the mistake -he had made in rejecting my advice on this point. He gave me -plainly to understand that it was not too late to alter the opera -according to my suggestions; I should thus have had the -inestimable benefit of having such an obviously well-intentioned, -and, in its way, so significant, a work in the repertoire, but I -never got so far as that. - -On the other hand, I experienced the small satisfaction of -hearing the news that two performances of my Rienzi had taken -place in Berlin, for the success of which Conductor Taubert, as -he informed me himself, thought he had won some credit on account -of the extremely effective combinations he had arranged. In spite -of this, I was absolutely convinced that I must abandon all hope -of any lasting and profitable success from Berlin, and I could no -longer hide from Luttichau that, if I were to continue in the -discharge of my duties with the necessary good spirits, I must -insist on a rise of salary, as, beyond my regular income, I could -not rely on any substantial success wherewith to meet my unlucky -publishing transactions. My income was so small that I could not -even live on it, but I asked nothing more than to be placed on an -equal footing with my colleague Reissiger, a prospect which had -been held out to me from the beginning. - -At this juncture Luttichau saw a favourable opportunity for -making me feel my dependence on his goodwill, which could only be -secured by my showing due deference to his wishes. After I had -laid my case before the King, at a personal interview, and asked -for the favour of the moderate increase in income which was my -object, Luttichau promised to make the report he was obliged to -give of me as favourable as possible. How great was my -consternation and humiliation when one day he opened our -interview by telling me that his report had come back from the -King. In it was set forth that I had unfortunately overestimated -my talent on account of the foolish praise of various friends in -a high position (among whom he counted Frau v. Konneritz), and -had thus been led to consider that I had quite as good a right to -success as Meyerbeer. I had thereby caused such serious offence -that it might, perhaps, be considered advisable to dismiss me -altogether. On the other hand, my industry and my praiseworthy -performance with regard to the revision of Gluck's Iphigenia, -which had been brought to the notice of the management, might -justify my being given another chance, in which case my material -condition must be given due consideration. At this point I could -read no further, and stupefied by surprise I gave my patron back -the paper. He tried at once to remove the obviously bad -impression it had made upon me by telling me that my wish had -been granted, and I could draw the nine hundred marks belonging -to me at once from the bank. I took my leave in silence, and -pondered over what course of action I must pursue in face of this -disgrace, as it was quite out of the question for me to accept -the nine hundred marks. - -But in the midst of these adversities a visit of the King of -Prussia to Dresden was one day announced, and at the same time by -his special request a performance of Tannhauser was arranged. He -really did make his appearance in the theatre at this performance -in the company of the royal family of Saxony, and stayed with -apparent interest from beginning to end. On this occasion the -King gave a curious explanation for having stayed away from the -performances of Rienzi in Berlin, which was afterwards reported -to me. He said he had denied himself the pleasure of hearing one -of my operas in Berlin, because it was important to get a good -impression of them, and he knew that in his own theatre they -would only be badly produced. This strange event had, at any -rate, the result of giving me back sufficient self-confidence to -accept the nine hundred marks of which I was in such desperate -need. - -Luttichau also seemed to make a point of winning back my trust to -some extent, and I gathered from his calm friendliness that I -must suppose this wholly uncultured man had no consciousness of -the outrage he had done me. He returned to the idea of having -orchestral concerts, in accordance with the suggestions I had -made in my rejected report on the orchestra, and in order to -induce me to arrange such musical performances in the theatre, -said the initiative had come from the management and not from the -orchestra itself. As soon as I discovered that the profits were -to go to the orchestra I willingly entered into the plan. By a -special device of my own the stage of the theatre was made into a -concert-hall (afterwards considered first-class) by means of a -sounding board enclosing the whole orchestra, which proved a -great success. In future six performances were to take place -during the winter months. This time, however, as it was the end -of the year, and we only had the second half of the winter before -us, subscription tickets were issued for only three concerts, and -the whole available space in the theatre was filled by the -public. I found the preparations for this fairly diverting, and -entered upon the fateful year 1848 in a rather more reconciled -and amiable frame of mind. - -Early in the New Year the first of these orchestral concerts took -place, and brought me much popularity on account of its unusual -programme. I had discovered that if any real significance were to -be given to these concerts, in distinction to those consisting of -heterogeneous scraps of music of every different species under -the sun, and which are so opposed to all serious artistic taste, -we could only afford to give two kinds of genuine music -alternately if a good effect was to be produced. Accordingly -between two symphonies I placed one or two longer vocal pieces, -which were not to be heard elsewhere, and these were the only -items in the whole concert. After the Mozart Symphony in D major, -I made all the musicians move from their places to make room for -an imposing choir, which had to sing Palestrina's Stabat Mater, -from an adaptation of the original recitative, which I had -carefully revised, and Bach's Motet for eight voices: Singet dem -Herrn ein neues Lied ('Sing unto the Lord a new song'); thereupon -I let the orchestra again take its place to play Beethoven's -Sinfonia Eroica, and with that to end the concert. - -This success was very encouraging, and disclosed to me a somewhat -consoling prospect of increasing my influence as musical -conductor at a time when my disgust was daily growing stronger at -the constant meddling with our opera repertoire, which made me -lose more and more influence as compared with the wishes of my -would-be prima donna niece, whom even Tichatschek supported. -Immediately on my return from Berlin I had begun the -orchestration of Lohengrin, and in all other respects had given -myself up to greater resignation, which made me feel I could face -my fate calmly, when I suddenly received a very disturbing piece -of news. - -In the beginning of February my mother's death was announced to -me. I at once hastened to her funeral at Leipzig, and was filled -with deep emotion and joy at the wonderfully calm and sweet -expression of her face. She had passed the latter years of her -life, which had before been so active and restless, in cheerful -ease, and at the end in peaceful and almost childlike happiness. -On her deathbed she exclaimed in humble modesty, and with a -bright smile on her face: 'Oh! how beautiful! how lovely! how -divine! Why do I deserve such favour?' It was a bitterly cold -morning when we lowered the coffin into the grave in the -churchyard, and the hard, frozen lumps of earth which we -scattered on the lid, instead of the customary handful of dust, -frightened me by the loud noise they made. On the way home to the -house of my brother-in-law, Hermann Brockhaus, where the whole -family were to gather together for an hour, Laube, of whom my -mother had been very fond, was my only companion. He expressed -his anxiety at my unusually exhausted appearance, and when he -afterwards accompanied me to the station, we discussed the -unbearable burden which seemed to us to lie like a dead weight on -every noble effort made to resist the tendency of the time to -sink into utter worthlessness. On my return to Dresden the -realisation of my complete loneliness came over me for the first -time with full consciousness, as I could not help knowing that -with the loss of my mother every natural bond of union was -loosened with my brothers and sisters, each of whom was taken up -with his or her own family affairs. So I plunged dully and coldly -into the only thing which could cheer and warm me, the working -out of my Lohengrin and my studies of German antiquity. - -Thus dawned the last days of February, which were to plunge -Europe once more into revolution. I was among those who least -expected a probable or even possible overthrow of the political -world. My first knowledge of such things had been gained in my -youth at the time of the July Revolution, and the long and -peaceful reaction that followed it. Since then I had become -acquainted with Paris, and from all the signs of public life -which I saw there, I thought all that had occurred had been -merely the preliminaries of a great revolutionary movement. I had -been present at the erection of the forts detaches around Paris, -which Louis Philippe had carried out, and been instructed about -the strategic value of the various fixed sentries scattered about -Paris, and I agreed with those who considered that everything was -ready to make even an attempt at a rising on the part of the -populace of Paris quite impossible. When, therefore, the Swiss -War of Separation at the end of the previous year, and the -successful Sicilian Revolution at the beginning of the New Year, -turned all men's eyes in great excitement to watch the effect of -these risings on Paris, I did not take the slightest interest in -the hopes and fears which were aroused. News of the growing -restlessness in the French capital did indeed reach us, but I -disputed Rockel's belief that any significance could be attached -to it. I was sitting in the conductor's desk at a rehearsal of -Martha when, during an interval, Rockel, with the peculiar joy of -being in the right, brought me the news of Louis Philippe's -flight, and the proclamation of the Republic in Paris. This made -a strange and almost astonishing impression on me, although at -the same time the doubt as to the true significance of these -events made it possible for me to smile to myself. I too caught -the fever of excitement which had spread everywhere. The German -March days were coming, and from all directions ever more -alarming news kept coming in. Even within the narrow confines of -my native Saxony serious petitions were framed, which the King -withstood for a long time; even he was deceived, in a way which -he was soon to acknowledge, as to the meaning of this commotion -and the temper that prevailed in the country. - -On the evening of one of these really anxious days, when the very -air was heavy and full of thunder, we gave our third great -orchestral concert, at which the King and his court were present, -as on the two previous occasions. For the opening of this one I -had chosen Mendelssohn's Symphony in A minor, which I had played -on the occasion of his funeral. The mood of this piece, which -even in the would-be joyful phrases is always tenderly -melancholy, corresponded strangely with the anxiety and -depression of the whole audience, which was more particularly -accentuated in the demeanour of the royal family. I did not -conceal from Lipinsky, the leader of the orchestra, my regret at -the mistake I had made in the arrangement of that day's -programme, as Beethoven's Fifth Symphony, also in a minor key, -was to follow this minor symphony. With a merry twinkle in his -eyes the eccentric Pole comforted me by exclaiming: 'Oh, let us -play only the first two movements of the Symphony in C minor, -then no one will know whether we have played Mendelssohn in the -major or the minor key.' Fortunately before these two movements -began, to our great surprise, a loud shout was raised by some -patriotic spirit in the middle of the audience, who called out -'Long live the King!' and the cry was promptly repeated with -unusual enthusiasm and energy on all sides. Lipinsky was -perfectly right: the symphony, with the passionate and stormy -excitement of the first theme, swelled out like a hurricane of -rejoicing, and had seldom produced such an effect on the audience -as on that night. This was the last of the newly inaugurated -concerts that I ever conducted in Dresden. - -Shortly after this the inevitable political changes took place. -The King dismissed his ministry and elected a new one, consisting -partly of Liberals and partly even of really enthusiastic -Democrats, who at once proclaimed the well-known regulations, -which are the same all over the world, for founding a thoroughly -democratic constitution. I was really touched by this result, and -by the heartfelt joy which was evident among the whole -population, and I would have given much to have been able to gain -access to the King, and convince myself of his hearty confidence -in the people's love for him, which seemed to me so desirable a -consummation. In the evening the town was gaily illuminated, and -the King drove through the streets in an open carriage. In the -greatest excitement I went out among the dense crowds and -followed his movements, often running where I thought it likely -that a particularly hearty shout might rejoice and reconcile the -monarch's heart. My wife was quite frightened when she saw me -come back late at night, tired out and very hoarse from shouting. - -The events which took place in Vienna and Berlin, with their -apparently momentous results, only moved me as interesting -newspaper reports, and the meeting of a Frankfort parliament in -the place of the dissolved Bundestag sounded strangely pleasant -in my ears. Yet all these significant occurrences could not tear -me for a single day from my regular hours of work. With immense, -almost overweening satisfaction, I finished, in the last days of -this eventful and historic month of March, the score of Lohengrin -with the orchestration of the music up to the vanishing of the -Knight of the Holy Grail into the remote and mystic distance. - -About this time a young Englishwomen, Madame Jessie Laussot, who -had married a Frenchman in Bordeaux, one day presented herself at -my house in the company of Karl Ritter, who was barely eighteen -years of age. This young man, who was born in Russia of German -parents, was a member of one of those northern families who had -settled down permanently in Dresden, on account of the pleasant -artistic atmosphere of that place. I remembered that I had seen -him once before not long after the first performance of -Tannhauser, when he asked me for my autograph for a copy of the -score of that opera, which was on sale at the music-shop. I now -learned that this copy really belonged to Frau Laussot, who had -been present at those performances, and who was now introduced to -me. Overcome with shyness, the young lady expressed her -admiration in a way I had never experienced before, and at the -same time told me how great was her regret at being called away -by family affairs from her favourite home in Dresden with the -Ritter family, who, she gave me to understand, were deeply -devoted to me. It was with a strange, and in its way quite a new, -sensation that I bade farewell to this young lady. This was the -first time since my meeting with Alwine Frommann and Werder, when -the Fliegender Hollander was produced, that I came across this -sympathetic tone, which seemed to come like an echo from some old -familiar past, but which I never heard close at hand. I invited -young Ritter to come and see me whenever he liked, and to -accompany me sometimes on my walks. His extraordinary shyness, -however, seemed to prevent him from doing this, and I only -remember seeing him very occasionally at my house. He used to -turn up more often with Hans von Bulow, whom he seemed to know -pretty well, and who had already entered the Leipzig University -as a student of law. This well-informed and talkative young man -showed his warm and hearty devotion to me more openly, and I felt -bound to reciprocate his affection. He was the first person who -made me realise the genuine character of the new political -enthusiasm. On his hat, as well as on his father's, the black, -red, and gold cockade was paraded before my eyes. - -Now that I had finished my Lohengrin, and had leisure to study -the course of events, I could no longer help myself sympathising -with the ferment aroused by the birth of German ideals and the -hopes attached to their realisation. My old friend Franck had -already imbued me with a fairly sound political judgment, and, -like many others, I had grave doubts as to whether the German -parliament now assembling would serve any useful purpose. -Nevertheless, the temper of the populace, of which there could be -no question, although it might not have been given very obvious -expression, and the belief, everywhere prevalent, that it was -impossible to return to the old conditions, could not fail to -exercise its influence upon me. But I wanted actions instead of -words, and actions which would force our princes to break for -ever with their old traditions, which were so detrimental to the -cause of the German commonwealth. With this object I felt -inspired to write a popular appeal in verse, calling upon the -German princes and peoples to inaugurate a great crusade against -Russia, as the country which had been the prime instigator of -that policy in Germany which had so fatally separated the -monarchs from their subjects. One of the verses ran as follows:-- - -The old fight against the East Returns again to-day. The people's -sword must not rust Who freedom wish for aye. - -As I had no connection with political journals, and had learned -by chance that Berthold Auerbach was on the staff of a paper in -Mannheim, where the waves of revolution ran high, I sent him my -poem with the request to do whatever he thought best with it, and -from that day to this I have never heard or seen anything of it. - -Whilst the Frankfort Parliament continued to sit on from day to -day, and it seemed idle to conjecture whither this big talk by -small men would lead, I was much impressed by the news which -reached us from Vienna. In the May of this year an attempt at a -reaction, such as had succeeded in Naples and remained indecisive -in Paris, had been triumphantly nipped in the bud by the -enthusiasm and energy of the Viennese people under the leadership -of the students' band, who had acted with such unexpected -firmness. I had arrived at the conclusion that, in matters -directly concerning the people, no reliance could be placed on -reason or wisdom, but only on sheer force supported by fanaticism -or absolute necessity; but the course of events in Vienna, where -I saw the youth of the educated classes working side by side with -the labouring man, filled me with peculiar enthusiasm, to which I -gave expression in another popular appeal in verse. This I sent -to the Oesterreichischen Zeitung, where it was printed in their -columns with my full signature. - -In Dresden two political unions had been formed, as a result of -the great changes that had taken place. The first was called the -Deutscher Verein (German Union), whose programme aimed at 'a -constitutional monarchy on the broadest democratic foundation.' -The names of its principal leaders, among which, in spite of its -broad democratic foundation, my friends Eduard Devrient and -Professor Rietschel had the courage openly to appear, guaranteed -the safety of its objects. This union, which tried to include -every element that regarded a real revolution with abhorrence, -conjured into existence an opposition club which called itself -the Vaterlands-Verein (Patriotic Union). In this the 'democratic -foundation' seemed to be the chief basis, and the 'constitutional -monarchy' only provided the necessary cloak. - -Rockel canvassed passionately for the latter, as he seemed to -have lost all confidence in the monarchy. The poor fellow was, -indeed, in a very bad way. He had long ago given up all hope of -rising to any position in the musical world; his directorship had -become pure drudgery, and was, unfortunately, so badly paid that -he could not possibly keep himself and his yearly increasing -family on the income he derived from his post. He always had an -unconquerable aversion from teaching, which was a fairly -profitable employment in Dresden among the many wealthy visitors. -So he went on from bad to worse, running miserably into debt, and -for a long time saw no hope for his position as the father of a -family except in emigration to America, where he thought he could -secure a livelihood for himself and his dependants by manual -labour, and for his practical mind by working as a farmer, from -which class he had originally sprung. This, though tedious, would -at least be certain. On our walks he had of late been -entertaining me almost exclusively with ideas he had gleaned from -reading books on farming, doctrines which he applied with zeal to -the improvement of his encumbered position. This was the mood in -which the Revolution of 1848 found him, and he immediately went -over to the extreme socialist side, which, owing to the example -set by Paris, threatened to become serious. Every one who knew -him was utterly taken aback at the apparently vital change which -had so suddenly taken place in him, when he declared that he had -at last found his real vocation--that of an agitator. - -His persuasive faculties, on which, however, he could not rely -sufficiently for platform purposes, developed in private -intercourse into stupefying energy. It was impossible to stop his -flow of language with any objection, and those he could not draw -over to his cause he cast aside for ever. In his enthusiasm about -the problems which occupied his mind day and night, he sharpened -his intellect into a weapon capable of demolishing every foolish -objection, and suddenly stood in our midst like a preacher in the -wilderness. He was at home in every department of knowledge. The -Vaterlands-Verein had elected a committee for carrying into -execution a plan for arming the populace; this included Rockel -and other thoroughgoing democrats, and, in addition, certain -military experts, among whom was my old friend Hermann Muller, -the lieutenant of the Guards who had once been engaged to -Schroder-Devrient. He and another officer named Zichlinsky were -the only members of the Saxon army who joined the political -movement. The part I played in the meetings of this committee, as -in everything else, was dictated by artistic motives. As far as I -can remember, the details of this plan, which at last became a -nuisance, afforded very sound foundation for a genuine arming of -the people, though it was impossible to carry it out during the -political crisis. - -My interest and enthusiasm about the social and political -problems which were occupying the whole world increased every -day, until public meetings and private intercourse, and the -shallow platitudes which formed the staple eloquence of the -orators of the day, proved to me the terrible shallowness of the -whole movement. - -If only I could rest assured that, while such senseless confusion -was the order of the day, people well versed in these matters -would withhold from any demonstration (which to my great regret I -observed in Hermann Franck, and told him of, openly), then, on -the contrary, I should feel myself compelled, as soon as the -opportunity arose, to discuss the purport of such questions and -problems according to my judgment. Needless to say, the -newspapers played an exciting and prominent part on this -occasion. Once, when I went incidentally (as I might go to see a -play) to a meeting of the Vaterlands-Verein, when they were -assembled in a public garden, they chose for the subject of their -discussion, 'Republic or Monarchy?' I was astonished to hear and -to read with what incredible triviality it was carried on, and -how the sum-total of their explanation was, that, to be sure, a -republic is best, but, at the worst, one could put up with a -monarchy if it were well conducted. As the result of many heated -discussions on this point, I was incited to lay bare my views on -the subject in an article which I published in the DRESDENER -ANZEIGER, but which I did not sign. My special aim was to turn -the attention of the few who really took the matter seriously, -from the external form of the government to its intrinsic value. -When I had pursued and consistently discussed the utmost -idealistic conclusions of all that which, to my mind, was -necessary and inseparable from the perfect state and from social -order, I inquired whether it would not be possible to realise all -this with a king at the head, and entered so deeply into the -matter as to portray the king in such a fashion, that he seemed -even more anxious than any one else that his state should be -organised on genuinely republican lines, in order that he might -attain to the fulfilment of his own highest aims. I must own, -however, that I felt bound to urge this king to assume a much -more familiar attitude towards his people than the court -atmosphere and the almost exclusive society of his nobles would -seem to render possible. Finally, I pointed to the King of Saxony -as being specially chosen by Fate to lead the way in the -direction I had indicated, and to give the example to all the -other German princes. Rockel considered this article a true -inspiration from the Angel of Propitiation, but as he feared that -it would not meet with proper recognition and appreciation in the -paper, he urged me to lecture on it publicly at the next meeting -of the Vaterlands-Verein for he attached great importance to my -discoursing on the subject personally. Quite uncertain as to -whether I could really persuade myself to do this, I attended the -meeting, and there, owing to the intolerable balderdash uttered -by a certain barrister named Blode and a master-furrier Klette, -whom at that time Dresden venerated as a Demosthenes and a Cleon, -I passionately decided to appear at this extraordinary tribunal -with my paper, and to give a very spirited reading of it to about -three thousand persons. - -The success I had was simply appalling. The astounded audience -seemed to remember nothing of the speech of the Orchestral -Conductor Royal save the incidental attack I had made upon the -court sycophants. The news of this incredible event spread like -wildfire. The next day I rehearsed Rienzi, which was to be -performed the following evening. I was congratulated on all sides -upon my self-sacrificing audacity. On the day of the performance, -however, I was informed by Eisolt, the attendant of the -orchestra, that the plans had been changed, and he gave me to -understand that thereby there hung a tale. True enough, the -terrible sensation I had made became so great, that the directors -feared the most unheard-of demonstrations at any performance of -Rienzi. Then a perfect storm of derision and vituperation broke -loose in the press, and I was besieged on all sides to such an -extent that it was useless to think of self-defence. I had even -offended the Communal Guard of Saxony, and was challenged by the -commander to make a full apology. But the most inexorable enemies -I made were the court officials, especially those holding a minor -office, and to this day I still continue to be persecuted by -them. I learned that, as far as it lay in their power, they -incessantly besought the King, and finally the director, to -deprive me at once of my office. On account of this I thought it -necessary to write to the monarch personally, in order to explain -to him that my action was to be regarded more in the light of a -thoughtless indiscretion than as a culpable offence. I sent this -letter to Herr von Luttichau, begging him to deliver it to the -King, and to arrange at the same time a short leave for me, so -that the provoking disturbance should have a chance of dying down -during my absence from Dresden. The striking kindness and -goodwill which Herr von Luttichau showed me on this occasion made -no little impression upon me, and this I took no pains to conceal -from him. As in the course of time, however, his ill-controlled -rage at various things, and especially at a good deal that he had -misunderstood in my pamphlet, broke loose, I learned that it was -not from any humane motives that he had spoken in such a -propitiatory manner to me, but rather by desire of the King -himself. On this point I received most accurate information, and -heard that when everybody, and even von Luttichau himself, were -besieging the King to visit me with punishment, the King had -forbidden any further talk on the subject. After this very -encouraging experience, I flattered myself that the King had -understood not only my letter, but also my pamphlet, better than -many others. - -In order to change my mind a little, I determined for the present -(it was the beginning of July) to take advantage of the short -period of leave granted to me, by going to Vienna. I travelled by -way of Breslau, where I looked up an old friend of my family, the -musical director Mosewius, at whose house I spent an evening. We -had a most lively conversation, but, unfortunately, were unable -to steer clear of the stirring political questions of the day. -What interested me most was his exceptionally large, or even, if -I remember rightly, complete collection of Sebastian Bach's -cantatas in most excellent copies. Besides this, he related, with -a humour quite his own, several amusing musical anecdotes which -were a pleasant memory for many a year. When Mosewius returned my -visit in the course of the summer at Dresden, I played a part of -the first act of Lohengrin on the piano for him, and the -expression of his genuine astonishment at this conception was -very gratifying to me. In later years, however, I found that he -had spoken somewhat scoffingly about me; but I did not stop to -reflect as to the truth of this information, or as to the real -character of the man, for little by little I had had to accustom -myself to the most inconceivable things. At Vienna the first -thing I did was to call on Professor Fischhof, as I knew that he -had in his keeping important manuscripts, chiefly by Beethoven, -among which the original of the C minor Sonata, opus 111, I was -particularly curious to see. Through this new friend, whom I -found somewhat dry, I made the acquaintance of Herr Vesque von -Puttlingen, who, as the composer of a most insignificant opera -(Joan of Arc), which had been performed in Dresden, had with -cautious good taste adopted only the last two syllables of -Beethoven's name--Haven. One day we were at his house to dinner, -and I then recognised in him a former confidential official of -Prince Metternich, who now, with his ribbon of black, red, and -gold, followed the current of the age, apparently quite -convinced. I made another interesting acquaintance in the person -of Herr von Fonton, the Russian state councillor, and attache at -the Russian Embassy in Vienna. I frequently met this man, both at -Fischhof's house and on excursions into the surrounding country; -and it was interesting to me for the first time to run up against -a man who could so strongly profess his faith in the pessimistic -standpoint, that a consistent despotism guarantees the only order -of things which can be tolerated. Not without interest, and -certainly not without intelligence--for he boasted of having been -educated at the most enlightened schools in Switzerland--he -listened to my enthusiastic narration of the art ideal which I -had in my mind, and which was destined to exercise a great and -decided influence upon the human race. As he had to allow that -the realisation of this ideal could not be effected through the -strength of despotism, and as he was unable to foresee any -rewards for my exertions, by the time we came to the champagne he -thawed to such a degree of affable good-nature as to wish me -every success. I learned later on that this man, of whose talent -and energetic character I had at the time no small opinion, was -last heard of as being in great distress. - -Now, as I never undertook anything whatever without some serious -object in view, I had made up my mind to avail myself of this -visit to Vienna, in order to try in some practical manner to -promote my ideas for the reform of the theatre. Vienna seemed to -me specially suitable for this purpose, as at that, time it had -five theatres, all totally different in character, which were -dragging on a miserable existence. I quickly worked out a plan, -according to which these various theatres might be formed into a -sort of co-operative organisation, and placed under one -administration composed not only of active members, but also of -all those having any literary connection with the theatre. With a -view to submitting my plan to them, I then made inquiries about -persons with such capacities as seemed most likely to answer my -requirements. Besides Herr Friedrich Uhl, whom I had got to know -at the very beginning through Fischer, and who did me very -good service, I was told of a Herr Franck (the same, I presume, -who later on published a big epic work called Tannhauser), and a -Dr. Pacher, an agent of Meyerbeer's, and a pettifogger of whose -acquaintance later on I was to have no reason to be proud. The -most sympathetic, and certainly the most important, of those -chosen by me for the conference meeting at Fischhof's house, was -undoubtedly Dr. Becher, a passionate and exceedingly cultivated -man. He was the only one present who seriously followed the -reading of my plan, although, of course, he by no means agreed -with everything. I observed in him a certain wildness and -vehemence, the impression of which returned to me very vividly -some months later, when I heard of his being shot as a rebel who -had participated in the October Insurrection at Vienna. For the -present, then, I had to satisfy myself with having read the plan -of my theatre reform to a few attentive listeners. All seemed to -be convinced that the time was not opportune for putting forward -such peaceable schemes of reform. On the other hand, Uhl thought -it right to give me an idea of what was at present all the rage -in Vienna, by taking me one evening to a political club of the -most advanced tendencies. There I heard a speech by Herr -Sigismund Englander, who shortly afterwards attracted much -attention in the political monthly papers; the unblushing -audacity with which he and others expressed themselves that -evening with regard to the most dreaded persons in public power -astounded me almost as much as the poverty of the political views -expressed on that occasion. By way of contrast I received a very -nice impression of Herr Grillparzer, the poet, whose name was -like a fable to me, associated as it was, from my earliest days, -with his Ahnfrau. I approached him also with respect to the -matter of my theatre reform. He seemed quite disposed to listen -in a friendly manner to what I had to say to him; he did not, -however, attempt to conceal his surprise at my direct appeals and -the personal demands I made of him. He was the first playwright I -had ever seen in an official uniform. - -After I had paid an unsuccessful visit to Herr Bauernfeld, -relative to the same business, I concluded that Vienna was of no -more use for the present, and gave myself up to the exceptionally -stimulating impressions produced by the public life of the motley -crowd, which of late had undergone such marked changes. If the -student band, which was always represented in great numbers in -the streets, had already amused me with the extraordinary -constancy with which its members sported the German colours, I -was very highly diverted by the effect produced when at the -theatres I saw even the ices served by attendants in the black, -red, and gold of Austria. At the Karl Theatre, in the Leopold -quarter of the town, I saw a new farce, by Nestroy, which -actually introduced the character of Prince Metternich, and in -which this statesman, on being asked whether he had poisoned the -Duke of Reichstadt, had to make his escape behind the wings as an -unmasked sinner. On the whole, the appearance of this imperial -city--usually so fond of pleasure--impressed one with a feeling -of youthful and powerful confidence. And this impression was -revived in me when I heard of the energetic participation of the -youthful members of the population, during those fateful October -days, in the defence of Vienna against the troops of Prince -Windischgratz. - -On the homeward journey I touched at Prague, where I found my old -friend Kittl (who had grown very much more corpulent) still in -the most terrible fright about the riotous events which had taken -place there. He seemed to be of opinion that the revolt of the -Tschech party against the Austrian Government was directed at him -personally, and he thought fit to reproach himself with the -terrible agitation of the time, which he believed he had -specially inflamed by his composition of my operatic text of Die -Franzosen vor Nizza, out of which a kind of revolutionary air -seemed to have become very popular. To my great pleasure, on my -homeward journey I had the company of Hanel the sculptor, whom I -met on the steamer. There travelled with us also a Count Albert -Nostitz, with whom he had just settled up his business concerning -the statue of the Emperor Charles IV., and he was in the gayest -mood, as the extremely insecure state of Austrian paper money had -led to his being paid at a great profit to himself, in silver -coin in accordance with his agreement. I was very pleased to find -that, thanks to this circumstance, he was in such a confident -mood, and so free from prejudice, that on, arriving at Dresden he -accompanied me the whole way--a very long distance--from the -landing-stage at which we had left the steamer to my house, in an -open carriage; and this despite the fact that he very well knew -that, only a few weeks before, I had caused a really terrible -stir in this very city. - -As far as the public were concerned, the storm seemed quite to -have died down, and I was able to resume my usual occupations and -mode of life without any further trouble. I am sorry to say, -however, that my old worries and anxieties started afresh; I -stood in great need of money, and had not the vaguest notion -whither to go in search of it. I then examined very thoroughly -the answer I had received during the preceding winter to my -petition for a higher salary. I had left it unread, as the -modifications made in it had already disgusted me. If I had till -now believed that it was Herr von Luttichau who had brought about -the increase of salary I had demanded, in the shape of a -supplement which I was to receive annually--in itself a -humiliating thing--I now saw to my horror that all the time there -had been no mention save of one single supplement, and that there -was nothing to show that this should be repeated annually. On -learning this, I saw that I should now be at the hopeless -disadvantage of coming too late with a remonstrance if I should -attempt to make one; so there was nothing left for me but to -submit to an insult which, under the circumstances, was quite -unprecedented. My feelings towards Herr von Luttichau, which -shortly before had been rather warm owing to his supposed kind -attitude towards me during the last disturbance, now underwent a -serious change, and I soon had a new reason (actually connected -with the above-mentioned affair) for altering my favourable -opinion of him, and for turning finally against him for good and -all. He had informed me that the members of the Imperial -Orchestra had sent him a deputation demanding my instant -dismissal, as they thought that it affected their honour to be -any longer under a conductor who had compromised himself -politically to the extent which I had. He also informed me that -he had not only reprimanded them very severely, but that he had -also been at great pains to pacify them concerning me. All this, -which Luttichau had put in a highly favourable light, had -latterly made me feel very friendly towards him. Then, however, -as the result of inquiries into the matter, I heard accidentally -through members of the orchestra that the facts of the case were -almost exactly the reverse. What had happened was this, that the -members of the Imperial Orchestra had been approached on all -sides by the officials of the court, and had been not only -earnestly requested to do what Luttichau had declared they had -done of their own accord, but also threatened with the -displeasure of the King, and of incurring the strongest suspicion -if they refused to comply. In order to protect themselves against -this intrigue, and to avoid all evil consequences should they not -take the required step, the musicians had turned to their -principal, and had sent him a deputation, through which they -declared that, as a corporation of artists, they did not in the -least feel called upon to mix themselves up in a matter that did -not concern them. Thus the halo with which my former attachment -to Herr von Luttichau had surrounded him at last disappeared for -good and all, and it was chiefly my shame at having been so very -much upset by his false conduct that now inspired me for ever -with such bitter feelings for this man. What determined this -feeling even more than the insults I had suffered, was the -recognition of the fact that I was now utterly incapable of ever -being able to enlist his influence in the cause of theatrical -reform, which was so dear to me. It was natural that I should -learn to attach ever less and less importance to the mere -retention of the post of orchestral conductor on so -extraordinarily inadequate and reduced a salary; and in keeping -to this office, I merely bowed to what was an inevitable though -purely accidental circumstance of a wretched fate. I did nothing -to make the post more intolerable, but, at the same time, I moved -not a finger to ensure its permanence. - -The very next thing I must do was to attempt to establish my -hopes of a larger income, so sadly doomed hitherto, upon a very -much sounder basis. In this respect it occurred to me that I -might consult my friend Liszt, and beg him to suggest a remedy -for my grievous position. And lo and behold, shortly after those -fateful March days, and not long before the completion of my -Lohengrin score, to my, very great delight and astonishment, the -very man I wanted walked into my room. He had come from Vienna, -where he had lived through the 'Barricade Days,' and he was going -on to Weimar, where he intended to settle permanently. We spent -an evening together at Schumann's, had a little music, and -finally began a discussion on Mendelssohn and Meyerbeer, in which -Liszt and Schumann differed so fundamentally that the latter, -completely losing his temper, retired in a fury to his bedroom -for quite a long time. This incident did indeed place us in a -somewhat awkward position towards our host, but it furnished us -with a most amusing topic of conversation on the way home, I have -seldom seen Liszt so extravagantly cheerful as on that night, -when, in spite of the cold and the fact that he was clad only in -ordinary evening-dress, he accompanied first the music director -Schubert, and then myself, to our respective homes. Subsequently -I took advantage of a few days' holiday in August to make an -excursion to Weimar, where I found Liszt permanently installed -and, as is well known, enjoying a life of most intimate -intercourse with the Grand Duke. Even though he was unable to -help me in my affairs, except by giving me a recommendation which -finally proved useless, his reception of me on this short visit -was so hearty and so exceedingly stimulating, that it left me -profoundly cheered and encouraged. On returning to Dresden I -tried as far as possible to curtail my expenses and to live -within my means; and, as every means of assistance failed me, I -resorted to the expedient of sending out a circular letter -addressed jointly to my remaining creditors, all of whom were -really friends; and in this I told them frankly of my situation, -and enjoined them to relinquish their demands for an indefinite -time, till my affairs took a turn for the better, as without this -I should certainly never be in a position to satisfy them. By -this means they would, at all events, be in a position to oppose -my general manager, whom I had every reason to suspect of evil -designs, and who would have been only too glad to seize any signs -of hostility towards me, on the part of my creditors, as a -pretext for taking the worst steps against me. The assurance I -required was given me unhesitatingly; my friend Pusinelli, and -Frau Klepperbein (an old friend of my mother's), even going so -far as to declare that they were prepared to give up all claim to -the money they had lent me. Thus, in some measure reassured, and -with my position relative to Luttichau so far improved that I -could consult my own wishes as to whether and when I should give -up my post entirely, I now continued to fulfil my duties as a -conductor as patiently and conscientiously as I was able, while -with great zeal I also resumed my studies, which were carrying me -ever further and further afield. - -Thus settled, I now began to watch the wonderful developments in -the fate of my friend Rockel. As every day brought fresh rumours -of threatened reactionary coups d'etat and similar violent -outbreaks, which Rockel thought it right to prevent, he drew up -an appeal to the soldiers of the army of Saxony, in which he -explained every detail of the cause for which he stood, and which -he then had printed and distributed broadcast. This was too -flagrant a misdeed for the public prosecutors: he was therefore -immediately placed under arrest, and had to remain three days in -gaol while an action for high treason was lodged against him. He -was only released when the solicitor Minkwitz stood bail for the -requisite three thousand marks (equal to L150). This return home -to his anxious wife and children was celebrated by a little -public festival, which the committee of the Vaterlands-Verein had -arranged in his honour, and the liberated man was greeted as the -champion of the people's cause. On the other hand, however, the -general management of the court theatre, who had before suspended -him temporarily, now gave him his final dismissal. Rockel let a -full beard grow, and began the publication of a popular journal -called the Volksblatt, of which he was sole editor. He must have -counted on its success to compensate him for the loss of his -salary as musical director, for he at once hired an office in the -Brudergasse for his undertaking. This paper succeeded in -attracting the attention of a great many people to its editor, -and showed up his talents in quite a new light, he never got -involved in his style or indulged in any elaboration of words, -but confined himself to matters of immediate importance and -general interest; it was only after having discussed them in a -calm and sober fashion, that he led up from them to further -deductions of still greater interest connected with them. The -individual articles were short, and never contained anything -superfluous, in addition to which they were so clearly written, -that they made an instructive and convincing appeal to the most -uneducated mind. By always going to the root of things, instead -of indulging in circumlocutions which, in politics, have caused -such great confusion in the minds of the uneducated masses, he -soon had a large circle of readers, both among cultivated and -uncultivated people. The only drawback was that the price of the -little weekly paper was too small to yield him a corresponding -profit. Moreover, it was necessary to warn him that if the -reactionary party should ever come into power again, it could -never possibly forgive him for this newspaper. His younger -brother, Edward, who was paying a visit at the time in Dresden, -declared himself willing to accept a post as piano-teacher in -England, which, though most uncongenial to him, would be -lucrative and place him in a position to help Rockel's family, -if, as seemed probable, he met his reward in prison or on the -gallows. Owing to his connection with various societies, his time -was so much taken up that my intercourse with him was limited to -walks, which became more and more rare. On these occasions I -often got lost in the most wildly speculative and profound -discussions, while this wonderfully exciteable man always -remained calmly reflective and clear-headed. First and foremost, -he had planned a drastic social reform of the middle classes--as -at present constituted--by aiming at a complete alteration of the -basis of their condition. He constructed a totally new moral -order of things, founded on the teaching of Proudhon and other -socialists regarding the annihilation of the power of capital, by -immediately productive labour, dispensing with the middleman. -Little by little he converted me, by most seductive arguments, to -his own views, to such an extent that I began to rebuild my hopes -for the realisation of my ideal in art upon them. Thus there were -two questions which concerned me very nearly: he wished to -abolish matrimony, in the usual acceptation of the word, -altogether. I thereupon asked him what he thought the result -would be of promiscuous intercourse with women of a doubtful -character. With amiable indignation he gave me to understand that -we could have no idea about the purity of morals in general, and -of the relations of the sexes in particular, so long as we were -unable to free people completely from the yoke of the trades, -guilds, and similar coercive institutions. He asked me to -consider what the only motive would be which would induce a woman -to surrender herself to a man, when not only the considerations -of money, fortune, position, and family prejudices, but also the -various influences necessarily arising from these, had -disappeared. When I, in my turn, asked him whence he would obtain -persons of great intellect and of artistic ability, if everybody -were to be merged in the working classes, he met my objection by -replying, that owing to the very fact that everybody would -participate in the necessary labour according to his strength and -capacity, work would cease to be a burden, and would become -simply an occupation which would finally assume an entirely -artistic character. He demonstrated this on the principle that, -as had already been proved, a field, worked laboriously by a -single peasant, was infinitely less productive than when -cultivated by several persons in a scientific way. These and -similar suggestions, which Rockel communicated to me with a -really delightful enthusiasm, led me to further reflections, and -gave birth to new plans upon which, to my mind, a possible -organisation of the human race, which would correspond to my -highest ideals in art, could alone be based. In reference to -this, I immediately turned my thoughts to what was close at hand, -and directed my attention to the theatre. The motive for this -came not only from my own feelings, but also from external -circumstances. In accordance with the latest democratic suffrage -laws, a general election seemed imminent in Saxony; the election -of extreme radicals, which had now taken place nearly everywhere -else, showed us that if the movement lasted, there would be the -most extraordinary changes even in the administration of the -revenue. Apparently a general resolution had been passed to -subject the Civil List to a strict revision; all that was deemed -superfluous in the royal household was to be done away with; the -theatre, as an unnecessary place of entertainment for a depraved -portion of the public, was threatened with the withdrawal of the -subsidy granted it from the Civil List. I now resolved, in view -of the importance which I attached to the theatre, to suggest to -the ministers that they should inform the members of parliament, -that if the theatre in its present condition were not worth any -sacrifice from the state, it would sink to still more doubtful -tendencies--and might even become dangerous to public morals--if -deprived of that state control which had for its aim the ideal, -and, at the same time, felt itself called upon to place culture -and education under its beneficial protection. It was of the -highest importance to me to secure an organisation of the -theatre, which would make the carrying out its loftiest ideals -not only a possibility but also a certainty. Accordingly I drew -up a project by which the same sum as that which was allotted -from the Civil List for the support of a court theatre should be -employed for the foundation and upkeep of a national theatre for -the kingdom of Saxony. In showing the practical nature of the -well-planned particulars of my scheme, I defined them with such -great precision, that I felt assured my work would serve as a -useful guide to the ministers as to how they should put this -matter before parliament. The point now was to have a personal -interview with one of the ministers, and it occurred to me that -the best man to apply to in the matter would be Herr von der -Pfordten, the Minister of Education. Although he already enjoyed -the reputation of being a turncoat in politics, and was said to -be struggling to efface the origin of his political promotion, -which had taken place at a time of great agitation, the mere fact -of his having formerly been a professor was sufficient to make me -suppose that he was a man with whom I could discuss the question -that I had so much at heart. I learned, however, that the real -art institutions of the kingdom, such, for instance, as the -Academy of Fine Arts, to whose number I so ardently desired to -see the theatre added, belonged to the department of the Minister -of the Interior. To this man--the worthy though not highly -cultivated or artistic Herr Oberlander--I submitted my plans, -not, however, without having first made myself known to Herr von -der Pfordten, in order, for the reasons above stated, to command -my project to him. This man, who apparently was very busy, -received me in a polite and reassuring manner; but his whole -bearing, indeed the very expression of his face, seemed to -destroy all hopes I might ever have cherished of finding in him -that understanding which I had expected. The minister Oberlander, -on the other hand, earned my confidence by the straightforward -earnestness with which he promised a thorough inquiry into the -matter. Unfortunately, however, at the same time, he informed me -with the most simple frankness, that he could entertain but very -little hope of getting the King's authorisation for any unusual -treatment of a question hitherto given over to routine. It must -be understood that the relations of the King to his ministers -were both strained and unconfidential, and that this was more -especially so in the case of Oberlander, who never approached the -monarch on any other business than that which the strictest -discharge of his current duties rendered indispensable. He -therefore thought it would be better if my plan could be brought -forward, in the first place, by the Chamber of Deputies. As, in -the event of the new Civil List being discussed, I was -particularly anxious to avoid the question of the continuation of -the court theatre being treated in the ignorant and shortsighted -radical fashion, which was to be feared above all, I did not -despair of making the acquaintance of some of the most -influential among the new members of parliament. In this wise I -found myself suddenly plunged into quite a new and strange world, -and became acquainted with persons and opinions, the very -existence of which until then I had not even suspected. I found -it somewhat trying always to be obliged to meet these gentlemen -at their beer and shrouded in the dense clouds of their tobacco -smoke, and to have to discuss with them matters which, though -very dear to me, must have seemed a little fantastic to their -mind. After a certain Herr von Trutschler, a very handsome, -energetic man, whose seriousness was almost gloomy, had listened -to me calmly for some time, and had told me that he no longer -knew anything about the state, but only about society, and that -the latter would know, without either his or my aid, how it -should act in regard to art and to the theatre, I was filled with -such extraordinary feelings, half mingled with shame, that there -and then I gave up, not only all my exertions, but all my hopes -as well. The only reminder I ever had of the whole affair came -some while, after when, on meeting Herr von Luttichau, I quickly -gathered from his attitude to me that he had got wind of the -episode, and that it only inspired him with fresh hostility -towards me. - -During my walks, which I now took absolutely alone, I thought -ever more deeply--and much to the relief of my mind--over my -ideas concerning that state of human society for which the -boldest hopes and efforts of the socialists and communists, then -busily engaged in constructing their system, offered me but the -roughest foundation. These efforts could begin to have some -meaning and value for me only when they had attained to that -political revolution and reconstruction which they aimed at; for -it was only then that I, in my turn, could start my reforms in -art. - -At the same time my thoughts were busy with a drama, in which the -Emperor Frederick I. (surnamed 'Barbarossa') was to be the hero. -In it the model ruler was portrayed in a manner which lent him -the greatest and most powerful significance. His dignified -resignation at the impossibility of making his ideals prevail was -intended not only to present a true transcript of the arbitrary -multifariousness of the things of this world, but also to arouse -sympathy for the hero. I wished to carry out this drama in -popular rhyme, and in the style of the German used by our epic -poets of the Middle Ages, and in this respect the poem Alexander, -by the priest Lambert, struck me as a good example; but I never -got further with this play than to sketch its outline in the -broadest manner possible. The five acts were planned in the -following manner: Act i. Imperial Diet in the Roncaglian fields, -a demonstration of the significance of imperial power which -should extend even to the investiture of water and air; Act ii. -the siege and capture of Milan; Act iii. revolt of Henry the Lion -and his overthrow at Ligano; Act iv. Imperial Diet in Augsburg, -the humiliation and punishment of Henry the Lion; Act v. Imperial -Diet and grand court assembly at Mainz; peace with the Lombards, -reconciliation with the Pope, acceptance of the Cross, and the -departure for the East. I lost all interest, however, in the -carrying out of this dramatic scheme directly I discovered its -resemblance to the subject-matter of the Nibelungen and Siegfried -myths, which possessed a more powerful attraction for me. The -points of similarity which I recognised between the history and -the legend in question then induced me to write a treatise on the -subject; and in this I was assisted by some stimulating -monographs (found in the royal library), written by authors whose -names have now escaped my memory, but which taught me in a very -attractive manner a considerable amount about the old original -kingdom of Germany. Later on I published this fairly extensive -essay with the title of Die Nibelungen, but in working it out I -finally lost all inclination to elaborate the historical material -for a real drama. - -In direct connection with this I began to sketch a clear summary -of the form which the old original Nibelungen myth had assumed in -my mind in its immediate association with the mythological legend -of the gods--a form which, though full of detail, was yet much -condensed in its leading features. Thanks to this work, I was -able to convert the chief part of the material itself into a -musical drama. It was only by degrees, however, and after long -hesitation that I dared to enter more deeply into my plans for -this work; for the thought of the practical realisation of such a -work on our stage literally appalled me. I must confess that it -required all the despair which I then felt of ever having the -chance of doing anything more for our theatre, to give me the -necessary courage to begin upon this new work. Until that time I -simply allowed myself to drift, while I meditated listlessly upon -the possibility of things pursuing their course further under the -existing circumstances. In regard to Lohengrin, I had got to that -point when I hoped for nothing more than the best possible -production of it at the Dresden theatre, and felt that I should -have to be satisfied in all respects, and for all time, if I were -able to achieve even that. I had duly announced the completion of -the score to Herr von Luttichau; but, in consideration of the -unfavourable nature of my circumstances at the time, I had left -it entirely to him to decide when my work should be produced. - -Meanwhile the time arrived when the keeper of the Archives of the -Royal Orchestra called to mind that it was just three hundred -years since this royal institution had been founded, and that a -jubilee would therefore have to be celebrated. To this end a -great concert festival was planned, the programme of which was to -be made up of the compositions of all the Saxon orchestral -conductors that had lived since the institution had been founded. -The whole body of musicians, with both their conductors at their -head, were first to present their grateful homage to the King in -Pillnitz; and on this occasion a musician was, for the first -time, to be elevated to the rank of Knight of the Civil Order of -Merit of Saxony. This musician was my colleague Reissiger. Until -then he had been treated by the court, and by the manager -himself, in the most scornful manner possible, but had, owing to -his conspicuous loyalty at this critical time, especially to me, -found exceptional favour in the eyes of our committees. When he -appeared before the public decorated with the wonderful order, he -was greeted with great jubilation by the loyal audience that -filled the theatre on the evening of the festival concert. His -overture to Yelva was also received with a perfect uproar of -enthusiastic applause, such as had never fallen to his lot; -whereas the finale of the first act from Lohengrin, which was -produced as the work of the youngest conductor, was accorded only -an indifferent reception. This was all the more strange as I was -quite unaccustomed to such coolness in regard to my work on the -part of the Dresden public. Following upon the concert, there was -a festive supper, and when this was over, as all kinds of -speeches were being made, I freely proclaimed to the orchestra, -in a loud and decided tone, my views as to what was desirable for -their perfection in the future. Hereupon Marschner, who, as a -former musical conductor in Dresden, had been invited to the -jubilee celebrations, expressed the opinion that I should do -myself a great deal of harm by holding too good an opinion of the -musicians. He said I ought just to consider how uncultivated -these people were with whom I had to deal; he pointed out that -they were trained simply for the one instrument they played; and -asked me whether I did not think that by discoursing to them on -the aspirations of art I would produce not only confusion, but -even perhaps bad blood? Far more pleasant to me than these -festivities is the remembrance of the quiet memorial ceremony -which united us on the morning of the Jubilee Day, with the -object of placing wreaths on Weber's grave. As nobody could find -a word to utter, and even Marschner was able to give expression -only to the very driest and most trivial of speeches about the -departed master, I felt it incumbent upon me to say a few -heartfelt words concerning the memorial ceremony for which we -were gathered together. This brief spell of artistic activity was -speedily broken by fresh excitements, which kept pouring in upon -us from the political world. The events of October in Vienna -awakened our liveliest sympathy, and our walls daily blazed with -red and black placards, with summonses to march on Vienna, with -the curse of 'Red Monarchy,' as opposed to the hated 'Red -Republic,' and with other equally startling matter. Except for -those who were best informed as to the course of events--and who -certainly did not swarm in our streets--these occurrences aroused -great uneasiness everywhere. With the entry of Windischgratz into -Vienna, the acquittal of Frobel and the execution of Blum, it -seemed as though even Dresden were on the eve of an explosion. A -vast demonstration of mourning was organised for Blum, with an -endless procession through the streets. At the head marched the -ministry, among whom the people were particularly glad to see -Herr von der Pfordten taking a sympathetic share in the -ceremony, as he had already become an object of suspicion to -them. From that day gloomy forebodings of disaster grew ever more -prevalent on every side. People even went so far as to say, with -little attempt at circumlocution, that the execution of Blum had -been an act of friendship on the part of the Archduchess Sophia -to her sister, the Queen of Saxony, for during his agitation in -Leipzig the man had made himself both hated and feared. Troops of -Viennese fugitives, disguised as members of the student bands, -began to arrive in Dresden, and made a formidable addition to its -population, which from this time forth paraded the streets with -ever-increasing confidence. One day, as I was on my way to the -theatre to conduct a performance of Rienzi, the choir-master -informed me that several foreign gentlemen had been asking for -me. Thereupon half a dozen persons presented themselves, greeted -me as a brother democrat, and begged me to procure them free -entrance tickets. Among them I recognised a former dabbler in -literature, a man named Hafner, a little hunchback, in a -Calabrian hat cocked at a terrific angle, to whom I had been -introduced by Uhl on the occasion of my visit to the Vienna -political club. Great as was my embarrassment at this visit, -which evidently astonished our musicians, I felt in no wise -compelled to make any compromising admission, but quietly went to -the booking-office, took six tickets and handed them to my -strange visitors, who parted from me before all the world with -much hearty shaking of hands. Whether this evening call improved -my position as musical conductor in Dresden in the minds of the -theatrical officials and others, may well be doubted; but, at all -events, on no occasion was I so frantically called for after -every act as at this particular performance of Rienzi. - -Indeed, at this time I seemed to have won over to my side a party -of almost passionate adherents among the theatre-going public, in -opposition to the clique which had shown such marked coldness on -the occasion of the gala concert already mentioned. It mattered -not whether Tannhauser or Rienzi were being played, I was always -greeted with special applause; and although the political -tendencies of this party may have given our management some cause -for alarm, yet it forced them to regard me with a certain amount -of awe. One day Luttichau proposed to have my Lohengrin performed -at an early date. I explained my reasons for not having offered -it to him before, but declared myself ready to further his -wishes, as I considered the opera company was now sufficiently -powerful. The son of my old friend, F. Heine, had just returned -from Paris, where he had been sent by the Dresden management to -study scene-painting under the artists Desplechin and Dieterle. -By way of testing his powers, with a view to an engagement at the -Dresden Royal Theatre, the task of preparing suitable scenery for -this opera was entrusted to him. He had already asked permission -to do this for Lohengrin at the instigation of Luttichau, who -wished to call attention to my latest work. Consequently, when I -gave my consent, young Heine's wish was granted. - -I regarded this turn of events with no little satisfaction, -believing that in the study of this particular work I should find -a wholesome and effective diversion from all the excitement and -confusion of recent events. My horror, therefore, was all the -greater, when young Wilhelm Heine one day came to my room with -the news that the scenery for Lohengrin had been suddenly -countermanded, and instructions given him to prepare for another -opera. I did not make any remark, nor ask the reason for this -singular behaviour. The assurances which Luttichan afterwards -made to my wife--if they were really true--made me regret having -laid the chief blame for this mortification at his door, and -having thereby irrevocably alienated my sympathy from him. When -she asked him about this many years later, he assured her that he -had found the court vehemently hostile to me, and that his well- -meant attempts to produce my work had met with insuperable -obstacles. - -However that may have been, the bitterness I now experienced -wrought a decisive effect upon my feelings. Not only did I -relinquish all hope of a reconciliation with the theatre -authorities by a splendid production of my Lohengrin, but I -determined to turn my back for ever on the theatre, and to make -no further attempt to meddle with its concerns. By this act I -expressed not merely my utter indifference as to whether I kept -my position as musical conductor or no, but my artistic ambitions -also entirely cut me off from all possibility of ever cultivating -modern theatrical conditions again. - -I at once proceeded to execute my long-cherished plans for -Siegfried's Tod, which I had been half afraid of before. In this -work I no longer gave a thought to the Dresden or any other court -theatre in the world; my sole preoccupation was to produce -something that should free me, once and for all, from this -irrational subservience. As I could get nothing more from Rockel -in this connection, I now corresponded exclusively with Eduard -Devrient on matters connected with the theatre and dramatic art. -When, on the completion of my poem, I read it to him, he listened -with amazement, and at once realised the fact that such a -production would be an absolute drug in the modern theatrical -market, and he naturally could not agree to let it remain so. On -the other hand, he tried so far to reconcile himself to my work -as to try and make it less startling and more adapted for actual -production. He proved the sincerity of his intentions by pointing -out my error in asking too much of the public, and requiring it -to supply from its own knowledge many things necessary for a -right under-standing of my subject-matter, at which I had only -hinted in brief and scattered suggestions. He showed me, for -instance, that before Siegfried and Brunhilda are displayed in a -position of bitter hostility towards each other, they ought first -to have been presented in their true and calmer relationship. I -had, in fact, opened the poem of SIEGFRIED'S TOD with those -scenes which now form the first act of the GOTTERDAMMERUNG. -The details of Siegfried's relation to Brunhilda had been merely -outlined to the listeners in a lyrico-episodical dialogue between -the hero's wife, whom he had left behind in solitude, and a crowd -of Valkyries passing before her rock. To my great joy, Devrient's -hint on this point directed my thoughts to those scenes which I -afterwards worked out in the prologue of this drama. - -This and other matters of a similar nature brought me into -intimate contact with Eduard Devrient, and made our intercourse -much more lively and pleasant. He often invited a select circle -of friends to attend dramatic readings at his house in which I -gladly took part, for I found, to my surprise, that his gift for -declamation, which quite forsook him on the stage, here stood out -in strong relief. It was, moreover, a consolation to pour into a -sympathetic ear my worries about my growing unpopularity with the -director. Devrient seemed particularly anxious to prevent a -definite breach; but of this there was little hope. With the -approach of winter the court had returned to town, and once more -frequented the theatre, and various signs of dissatisfaction in -high quarters with my behaviour as conductor began to be -manifested. On one occasion the Queen thought that I had -conducted NORMA badly, and on another that I 'had taken the time -wrongly' in ROBERT THE DEVIL. As Luettichau had to communicate -these reprimands to me, it was natural that our intercourse at -such times should hardly be of a nature to restore our mutual -satisfaction with each other. - -Notwithstanding all this, it still seemed possible to prevent -matters from coming to a crisis, though everything continued in a -state of agitating uncertainty and fermentation. At all events -the forces of reaction, which were holding themselves in -readiness on every side, were not yet sufficiently certain that -the hour of their triumph had come as not to consider it -advisable for the present, at least, to avoid all provocation. -Consequently our management did not meddle with the musicians of -the royal orchestra, who, in obedience to the spirit of the -times, had formed a union for debate and the protection of their -artistic and civic interests. In this matter one of our youngest -musicians, Theodor Uhlig, had been particularly active. He was a -young man, still in his early twenties, and was a violinist in -the orchestra. His face was strikingly mild, intelligent and -noble, and he was conspicuous among his fellows on account of his -great seriousness and his quiet but unusually firm character. He -had particularly attracted my notice on several occasions by his -quick insight and extensive knowledge of music. As I recognised -in him a spirit keenly alert in every direction, and unusually -eager for culture, it was not long before I chose him as my -companion in my regular walks--a habit I still continued to -cultivate--and on which Roeckel had hitherto accompanied me. He -induced me to come to a meeting of this union of the orchestral -company, in order that I might form an opinion about it, and -encourage and support so praiseworthy a movement. On this -occasion I communicated to its members the contents of my -memorandum to the director, which had been rejected a year -before, and in which I had made suggestions for reforms in the -band, and I also explained further intentions and plans arising -therefrom. At the same time I was obliged to confess that I had -lost all hope of carrying out any projects of the kind through -the general management, and must therefore recommend them to take -the initiative vigorously into their own hands. They acclaimed -the idea with enthusiastic approval. Although, as I have said -before, Luettichau left these musicians unmolested in their more -or less democratic union, yet he took care to be informed through -spies of what took place at their highly treasonable gatherings. -His chief instrument was a bugler named Lewy, who, much to the -disgust of all his comrades in the orchestra, was in particularly -high favour with the director. He consequently received precise, -or rather exaggerated, accounts of my appearance there, and -thought it was now high time to let me once more feel the weight -of his authority. I was officially summoned to his presence, and -had to listen to a long and wrathful tirade which he had been -bottling up for some time about several matters. I also learned -that he knew all about the plan of theatre reform which I had -laid before the ministry. This knowledge he betrayed in a popular -Dresden phrase, which until then I had never heard; he knew very -well, he said, that in a memorandum respecting the theatre I had -'made him look ridiculous' (ihm an den Laden gelegt). In answer -to this I did not refrain from telling him how I intended to act -in retaliation, and when he threatened to report me to the King -and demand my dismissal, I calmly replied that he might do as he -pleased, as I was well assured that I could rely on his Majesty's -justice to hear, not only his charges, but also my defence. -Moreover, I added, this was the only befitting manner for me to -discuss with the King the many points on which I had to complain, -not only in my own interests, but also in those of the theatre -and of art. This was not pleasant hearing for Luttichau, and he -asked how it was possible for him to try and co-operate with me, -when I for my part had openly declared (to use his own -expression) that all labour was wasted upon him (Hopfen und Malz -verloren seien). We had at last to part with mutual shruggings of -the shoulder. My conduct seemed to trouble my former patron, and -he therefore enlisted the tact and moderation of Eduard Devrient -in his service, and asked him to use his influence with me to -facilitate some further arrangement between us. But, in spite of -all his zeal, Devrient had to admit with a smile, after we had -discussed his message, that nothing much could be done; and as I -persisted in my refusal to meet the director again in -consultation respecting the service of the theatre, he had at -last to recognise that his own wisdom would have to help him out -of the difficulty. - -Throughout the whole period during which I was fated to fill the -post of conductor at Dresden, the effects of this dislike on the -part of the court and the director continued to make themselves -felt in everything. The orchestral concerts, which had been -organised by me in the previous winter, were this year placed -under Reissiger's control, and at once sank to the usual level of -ordinary concerts. Public interest quickly waned, and the -undertaking could only with difficulty be kept alive. In opera I -was unable to carry out the proposed revival of the Fliegender -Hollander, for which I had found in Mitterwurzer's maturer talent -an admirable and promising exponent. My niece Johanna, whom I had -destined for the part of Senta, did not like the role, because it -offered little opportunity for splendid costumes. She preferred -ZAMPA and FAVORITA, partly to please her new protector, my -erstwhile RIENZI enthusiast, Tichatschck, partly for the sake of -THREE BRILLIANT COSTUMES which the management had to furnish for -each of these parts. In fact, these two ringleaders of the -Dresden opera of that day had formed an alliance of rebellion -against my vigorous rule in the matter of operatic repertoire. -Their opposition, to my great discomfiture, was crowned by -success when they secured the production of this FAVORITA of -Donizetti's, the, arrangement of which I had once been obliged to -undertake for Schlesinger in Paris. I had at first emphatically -refused to have anything to do with this opera, although its -principal part suited my niece's voice admirably, even in her -father's judgment. But now that they knew of my feud with the -director, and of my voluntary loss of influence, and finally of -my evident disgrace, they thought the opportunity ripe for -compelling me to conduct this tiresome work myself, as it -happened to be my turn. - -Besides this, my chief occupation at the royal theatre during -this period consisted in conducting Flotow's opera MARTHA, which, -although it failed to attract the public, was nevertheless -produced with excessive frequency, owing to its convenient cast. -On reviewing the results of my labours in Dresden--where I had -now been nearly seven years--I could not help feeling humiliated -when I considered the powerful and energetic impetus I knew I had -given in many directions to the court theatre, and I found myself -obliged to confess that, were I now to leave Dresden, not, the -smallest trace of my influence would remain behind. From various -signs I also gathered that, if ever it should come to a trial -before the King between the director and myself, even if his -Majesty were in my favour, yet out of consideration for the -courtier the verdict would go against me. - -Nevertheless, on Palm Sunday of the new year, 1849, I received -ample amends. In order to ensure liberal receipts, our orchestra -had again decided to produce Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. Every -one did his utmost to make this one of our finest performances, -and the public took up the matter with real enthusiasm. Michael -Bakunin, unknown to the police, had been present at the public -rehearsal. At its close he walked unhesitatingly up to me in the -orchestra, and said in a loud voice, that if all the music that -had ever been written were lost in the expected world-wide -conflagration, we must pledge ourselves to rescue this symphony, -even at the peril of our lives. Not many weeks after this -performance it really seemed as though this world-wide -conflagration would actually be kindled in the streets of -Dresden, and that Bakunin, with whom I had meanwhile become more -closely associated through strange and unusual circumstances, -would undertake the office of chief stoker. - -It was long before this date that I first made the acquaintance -of this most remarkable man. For years I had come across his name -in the newspapers, and always under extraordinary circumstances. -He turned up in Paris at a Polish gathering, but although he was -a Russian, he declared that it mattered little whether a man were -a Russian or a Pole, so long as he wanted to be a free man, and -that this was all that mattered. I heard afterwards, through -George Herwegh, that he had renounced all his sources of income -as a member of an influential Russian family, and that one day, -when his entire fortune consisted of two francs, he had given -them away to a beggar on the boulevard, because it was irksome to -him to be bound by this possession to take any thought for the -morrow. I was informed of his presence in Dresden one day by -Rockel, after the latter had become a rampant republican. He had -taken the Russian into his house, and invited me to come and make -his acquaintance. Bakunin was at that time being persecuted by -the Austrian government for his share in the events which took -place in Prague in the summer of 1848, and because he was a -member of the Slav Congress which had preceded them. He had -consequently sought refuge in our city, as he did not wish to -settle too far from the Bohemian frontier. The extraordinary -sensation he had created in Prague arose from the fact that, when -the Czechs sought the protection of Russia against the dreaded -Germanising policy of Austria, he conjured them to defend -themselves with fire and sword against those very Russians, and -indeed against any other people who lived under the rule of a -despotism like that of the Tsars. This superficial acquaintance -with Balumin's aims had sufficed to change the purely national -prejudices of the Germans against him into sympathy. When I met -him, therefore, under the humble shelter of Rockel's roof, I was -immediately struck by his singular and altogether imposing -personality. He was in the full bloom of manhood, anywhere -between thirty and forty years of age. Everything about him was -colossal, and he was full of a primitive exuberance and strength. -I never gathered that he set much store by my acquaintance. -Indeed, he did not seem to care for merely intellectual men; what -he demanded was men of reckless energy. As I afterwards -perceived, theory in this case had more weight with him than -purely personal sentiment; and he talked much and expatiated -freely on the matter. His general mode of discussion was the -Socratic method, and he seemed quite at his ease when, stretched -on his host's hard sofa, he could argue discursively with a crowd -of all sorts of men on the problems of revolution. On these -occasions he invariably got the best of the argument. It was -impossible to triumph against his opinions, stated as they were -with the utmost conviction, and overstepping in every direction -even the extremest bounds of radicalism. So communicative was he, -that on the very first evening of our meeting he gave me full -details about the various stages of his development, he was a -Russian officer of high birth, but smarting under the yoke of the -narrowest martial tyranny, he had been led by a study of -Rousseau's writings to escape to Germany under pretence of taking -furlough. In Berlin he had flung himself into the study of -philosophy with all the zest of a barbarian newly awakened to -civilisation. Hegel's philosophy was the one which was the rage -at that moment, and he soon became such an expert in it, that he -had been able to hurl that master's most famous disciples from -the saddle of their own philosophy, in a thesis couched in terms -of the strictest Hegelian dialectic. After he had got philosophy -off his chest, as he expressed it, he proceeded to Switzerland, -where he preached communism, and thence wandered over France and -Germany back to the borderland of the Slav world, from which -quarter he looked for the regeneration of humanity, because the -Slavs had been less enervated by civilisation. His hopes in this -respect were centred in the more strongly pronounced Slav type -characteristic of the Russian peasant class. In the natural -detestation of the Russian serf for his cruel oppressor the -nobleman, he believed he could trace a substratum of simple- -minded brotherly love, and that instinct which leads animals to -hate the men who hunt them. In support of this idea he cited the -childish, almost demoniac delight of the Russian people in fire, -a quality on which Rostopschin calculated in his strategic -burning of Moscow. He argued that all that was necessary to set -in motion a world-wide movement was to convince the Russian -peasant, in whom the natural goodness of oppressed human nature -had preserved its most childlike characteristics, that it was -perfectly right and well pleasing to God for them to burn their -lords' castles, with everything in and about them. The least that -could result from such a movement would be the destruction of all -those things which, rightly considered, must appear, even to -Europe's most philosophical thinkers, the real source of all the -misery of the modern world. To set these destructive forces in -action appeared to him the only object worthy of a sensible man's -activity. (Even while he was preaching these horrible doctrines, -Bakunin, noticing that my eyes troubled me, shielded them with -his outstretched hand from the naked light for a full hour, in -spite of my protestations.) This annihilation of all civilisation -was the goal upon which his heart was set. Meanwhile it amused -him to utilise every lever of political agitation he could lay -hands on for the advancement of this aim, and in so doing he -often found cause for ironical merriment. In his retreat he -received people belonging to every shade of revolutionary -thought. Nearest to him stood those of Slav nationality, because -these, he thought, would be the most convenient and effective -weapons he could use in the uprooting of Russian despotism. In -spite of their republic and their socialism a la Proudhon, he -thought nothing of the French, and as for the Germans, he never -mentioned them to me. Democracy, republicanism, and anything else -of the kind he regarded as unworthy of serious consideration. - -Every objection raised by those who had the slightest wish to -reconstruct what had been demolished, he met with overwhelming -criticism. I well remember on one occasion that a Pole, startled -by his theories, maintained that there must be an organised state -to guarantee the individual in the possession of the fields he -had cultivated. 'What!' he answered; 'would you carefully fence -in your field to provide a livelihood for the police again!' This -shut the mouth of the terrified Pole. He comforted himself by -saying that the creators of the new order of things would arise -of themselves, but that our sole business in the meantime was to -find the power to destroy. Was any one of us so mad as to fancy -that he would survive the desired destruction? We ought to -imagine the whole of Europe with St. Petersburg, Paris, and -London transformed into a vast rubbish-heap. How could we expect -the kindlers of such a fire to retain any consciousness after so -vast a devastation? He used to puzzle any who professed their -readiness for self-sacrifice by telling them it was not the so- -called tyrants who were so obnoxious, but the smug Philistines. -As a type of these he pointed to a Protestant parson, and -declared that he would not believe he had really reached the full -stature of a man until he saw him commit his own parsonage, with -his wife and child, to the flames. - -I was all the more perplexed for a while, in the face of such -dreadful ideas, by the fact that Bakunin in other respects proved -a really amiable and tender-hearted man. He was fully alive to -my own anxiety and despair with regard to the risk I ran of -forever destroying my ideals and hopes for the future of art. It -is true, he declined to receive any further instruction -concerning these artistic schemes, and would not even look at my -work on the Nibelungen saga. I had just then been inspired by a -study of the Gospels to conceive the plan of a tragedy for the -ideal stage of the future, entitled Jesus of Nazareth. Bakunin -begged me to spare him any details; and when I sought to win him -over to my project by a few verbal hints, he wished me luck, but -insisted that I must at all costs make Jesus appear as a weak -character. As for the music of the piece, he advised me, amid all -the variations, to use only one set of phrases, namely: for the -tenor, 'Off with His head!'; for the soprano, 'Hang Him!'; and -for the basso continuo, 'Fire! fire!' And yet I felt more -sympathetically drawn towards this prodigy of a man when I one -day induced him to hear me play and sing the first scenes of my -Fliegender Hollander. After listening with more attention than -most people gave, he exclaimed, during a momentary pause, 'That -is stupendously fine!' and wanted to hear more. - -As his life of permanent concealment was very dull, I -occasionally invited him to spend an evening with me. For supper -my wife set before him finely cut slices of sausage and meat, -which he at once devoured wholesale, instead of spreading them -frugally on his bread in Saxon fashion. Noticing Minna's alarm at -this, I was guilty of the weakness of telling him how we were -accustomed to consume such viands, whereupon he reassured me with -a laugh, saying that it was quite enough, only he would like to -eat what was set before him in his own way. I was similarly -astonished at the manner in which he drank wine from our -ordinary-sized small glasses. As a matter of fact he detested -wine, which only satisfied his craving for alcoholic stimulants -in such paltry, prolonged, and subdivided doses; whereas a stiff -glass of brandy, swallowed at a gulp, at once produced the same -result, which, after all, was only temporarily attained. Above -all, he scorned the sentiment which seeks to prolong enjoyment by -moderation, arguing that a true man should only strive to still -the cravings of nature, and that the only real pleasure in life -worthy of a man was love. - -These and other similar little characteristics showed clearly -that in this remarkable man the purest impulses of an ideal -humanity conflicted strangely with a savagery entirely inimical -to all civilisation, so that my feelings during my intercourse -with him fluctuated between involuntary horror and irresistible -attraction. I frequently called for him to share my lonely -wanderings. This he gladly did, not only for the sake of -necessary bodily exercise, but also because he could do so in -this part of the world without fear of meeting his pursuers. My -attempts during our conversations to instruct him more fully -regarding my artistic aims remained quite unavailing as long as -we were unable to quit the field of mere discussion. All these -things seemed to him premature. He refused to admit that out of -the very needs of the evil present all laws for the future would -have to be evolved, and that these, moreover, must be moulded -upon quite different ideas of social culture. Seeing that he -continued to urge destruction, and again destruction, I had at -last to inquire how my wonderful friend proposed to set this work -of destruction in operation. It then soon became clear, as I had -suspected it would, and as the event soon proved, that with this -man of boundless activity everything rested upon the most -impossible hypotheses. Doubtless I, with my hopes of a future -artistic remodelling of human society, appeared to him to be -floating in the barren air; yet it soon became obvious to me that -his assumptions as to the unavoidable demolition of all the -institutions of culture were at least equally visionary. My first -idea was that Bakunin was the centre of an international -conspiracy; but his practical plans seem originally to have been -restricted to a project for revolutionising Prague, where he -relied merely on a union formed among a handful of students. -Believing that the time had now come to strike a blow, he -prepared himself one evening to go there. This proceeding was not -free from danger, and he set off under the protection of a -passport made out for an English merchant. First of all, however, -with the view of adapting himself to the most Philistine culture, -he had to submit his huge beard and bushy hair to the tender -mercies of the razor and shears. As no barber was available, -Rockel had to undertake the task. A small group of friends -watched the operation, which had to be executed with a dull -razor, causing no little pain, under which none but the victim -himself remained passive. We bade farewell to Bakunin with the -firm conviction that we should never see him again alive. But in -a week he was back once more, as he had realised immediately what -a distorted account he had received as to the state of things in -Prague, where all he found ready for him was a mere handful of -childish students. These admissions made him the butt of Rockel's -good-humoured chaff, and after this he won the reputation among -us of being a mere revolutionary, who was content with -theoretical conspiracy. Very similar to his expectations from the -Prague students were his presumptions with regard to the Russian -people. These also afterwards proved to be entirely groundless, -and based merely on gratuitous assumptions drawn from the -supposed nature of things. I consequently found myself driven to -explain the universal belief in the terrible dangerousness of -this man by his theoretical views, as expressed here and -elsewhere, and not as arising from any actual experience of his -practical activity. But I was soon to become almost an eye- -witness of the fact that his personal conduct was never for a -moment swayed by prudence, such as one is accustomed to meet in -those whose theories are not seriously meant. This was shortly to -be proved in the momentous insurrection of May, 1849. - -The winter of this year, up to the spring of 1849, passed in a -many-sided development of my position and temper, as I have -described them, that is to say, in a sort of dull agitation. My -latest artistic occupation had been the five-act drama, Jesus of -Nazareth, just mentioned. Henceforth I lingered on in a state of -brooding instability, full of expectation, yet without any -definite wish. I felt fully convinced that my activity in -Dresden, as an artist, had come to an end, and I was only waiting -for the pressure of circumstances to shake myself free. On the -other hand, the whole political situation, both in Saxony and the -rest of Germany, tended inevitably towards a catastrophe. Day by -day this drew nearer, and I flattered myself into regarding my -own personal fate as interwoven with this universal unrest. Now -that the powers of reaction were everywhere more and more openly -bracing themselves for conflict, the final decisive struggle -seemed indeed close at hand. My feelings of partisanship were not -sufficiently passionate to make me desire to take any active -share in these conflicts. I was merely conscious of an impulse to -give myself up recklessly to the stream of events, no matter -whither it might lead. - -Just at this moment, however, an entirely new influence forced -itself in a most strange fashion into my fortunes, and was at -first greeted by me with a smile of scepticism. Liszt wrote -announcing an early production in Weimar of my Tannhauser under -his own conductorship--the first that had taken place outside -Dresden--and he added with great modesty that this was merely a -fulfilment of his own personal desire. In order to ensure success -he had sent a special invitation to Tichatschek to be his guest -for the two first performances. When the latter returned he said -that the production had, on the whole, been a success, which -surprised me very much. I received a gold snuff-box from the -Grand Duke as a keepsake, which I continued to use until the year -1864. All this was new and strange to me, and I was still -inclined to regard this otherwise agreeable occurrence as a -fleeting episode, due to the friendly feeling of a great artist. -'What does this mean for me?' I asked myself. 'Has it come too -early or too late?' But a very cordial letter from Liszt induced -me to visit Weimar for a few days later on, for a third -performance of Tannhausar, which was to be carried out entirely -by native talent, with a view to the permanent addition of this -opera to the repertoire. For this purpose I obtained leave of -absence from my management for the second week in May. - -Only a few days elapsed before the execution of this little plan; -but they were destined to be momentous ones. On the 1st of May -the Chambers were dissolved by the new Beust ministry, which the -King had charged with carrying out his proposed reactionary -policy. This event imposed upon me the friendly task of caring -for Rockel and his family. Hitherto his position as a deputy had -shielded him from the danger of criminal prosecution; but as soon -as the Chambers were dissolved this protection was withdrawn, and -he had to escape by flight from being arrested again. As I could -do little to help him in this matter, I promised at least to -provide for the continued publication of his popular Volksblatt, -mainly because the proceeds from this would support his family. -Scarcely was Rockel safely across the Bohemian frontier, while I -was still toiling at great inconvenience to myself in the -printer's office, in order to provide material for an issue of -his paper, when the long-expected storm burst over Dresden. -Emergency deputations, nightly mob demonstrations, stormy -meetings of the various unions, and all the other signs that -precede a swift decision in the streets, manifested themselves. -On the 3rd May the demeanour of the crowds moving in our -thoroughfares plainly showed that this consummation would soon be -reached, as was undoubtedly desired. Each local deputation which -petitioned for the recognition of the German constitution, which -was the universal cry, was refused an audience by the government, -and this with a peremptoriness which at last became startling. I -was present one afternoon at a committee meeting of the -Vaterlands-Verein, although merely as a representative of -Rockel's Volksblatt, for whose continuance, both from economic as -well as humane motives, I felt pledged. Here I was at once -absorbed in watching the conduct and demeanour of the men whom -popular favour had raised to the leadership of such unions. It -was quite evident that events had passed beyond the control of -these persons; more particularly were they utterly at a loss as -to how to deal with that peculiar terrorism exerted by the lower -classes which is always so ready to react upon the -representatives of democratic theories. On every side I heard a -medley of wild proposals and hesitating responses. One of the -chief subjects under debate was the necessity of preparing for -defence. Arms, and how to procure them, were eagerly discussed, -but all in the midst of great disorder; and when at last they -discovered that it was time to break up, the only impression I -received was one of the wildest confusion. I loft the hall with a -young painter named Kaufmann, from whose hand I had previously -seen a series of cartoons in the Dresden Art Exhibition, -illustrating 'The History of the Mind.' One day I had seen the -King of Saxony standing before one of these, representing the -torture of a heretic under the Spanish Inquisition, and observed -him turn away with a disapproving shake of the head from so -abstruse a subject. I was on my way home, deep in conversation -with this man, whose pale face and troubled look betrayed that he -foresaw the disaster that was imminent, when, just as we reached -the Postplatz, near the fountain erected from Semper's design, -the clang of bells from the neighbouring tower of St. Ann's -Church suddenly sounded the tocsin of revolt. With a terrified -cry, 'Good God, it has begun!' my companion vanished from my -side. He wrote to me--afterwards to say that he was living as a -fugitive in Berne, but I never saw his face again. - -The clang of this bell, so close at hand, made a profound -impression upon me also. It was a very sunny afternoon, and I at -once noticed the same phenomenon which Goethe describes in his -attempt to depict his own sensations during the bombardment of -Valmy. The whole square looked as though it were illuminated by a -dark yellow, almost brown, light, such as I had once before seen -in Magdeburg during an eclipse of the sun. My most pronounced -sensation beyond this was one of great, almost extravagant, -satisfaction. I felt a sudden strange longing to play with -something hitherto regarded as dangerous and important. My first -idea, suggested probably by the vicinity of the square, was to -inquire at Tichatschek's house for the gun which, as an -enthusiastic Sunday sportsman, he was accustomed to use. I only -found his wife at home, as he was away on a holiday tour. Her -evident terror as to what was going to happen provoked me to -uncontrollable laughter. I advised her to lodge her husband's gun -in a place of safety, by handing it to the committee of the -Vaterlands-Verein in return for a receipt, as it might otherwise -soon be requisitioned by the mob. I have since learned that my -eccentric behaviour on this occasion, was afterwards reckoned -against me as a serious crime. I then returned to the streets, to -see whether anything beyond a ringing of bells and a yellowish -eclipse of the sun might be going on in the town, I first made my -way to the Old Market-place, where I noticed a group of men -gathered round a vociferous orator. It was also an agreeable -surprise to me to see Schroder-Devrient descending at the door of -a hotel. She had just arrived from Merlin, and was keenly excited -by the news which had reached her, that the populace had already -been fired upon. As she had only recently seen an abortive -insurrection crushed by arms in Berlin, she was indignant to find -the same things happening in her 'peaceful Dresden' as she termed -it. - -When she turned to me from the stolid crowd, which had -complacently been listening to her passionate outpourings, she -seemed relieved at finding some one to whom she could appeal to -oppose these horrible proceedings with all his might. I met her -on another occasion at the house of my old friend Heine, where -she had taken refuge. When she noticed my indifference she again -adjured me to use every possible effort to prevent the senseless, -suicidal conflict. I heard afterwards that a charge of high -treason on account of sedition had been brought against Schroder- -Devrient by reason of her conduct in regard to this matter. She -had to prove her innocence in a court of law, so as to establish -beyond dispute her claim to the pension which she had been -promised by contract for her many years' service in Dresden as an -opera-singer. - -On the 3rd of May I betook myself direct to that quarter of the -town where I heard unpleasant rumours of a sanguinary conflict -having taken place. I afterwards learned that the actual cause of -the dispute between the civil and military power had arisen when -the watch had been changed in front of the Arsenal. At that -moment the mob, under a bold leader, had seized the opportunity -to take forcible possession of the armoury. A display of military -force was made, and the crowd was fired upon by a few cannon -loaded with grape-shot. As I approached the scene of operations -through the Rampische Gasse, I met a company of the Dresden -Communal Guards, who, although they were quite innocent, had -apparently been exposed to this fire. I noticed that one of the -citizen guards, leaning heavily on the arm of a comrade, was -trying to hurry along, in spite of the fact that his right leg -seemed to be dragging helplessly behind him. Some of the crowd, -seeing the blood on the pavement behind him, shouted 'He is -bleeding.' In the midst of this excitement I suddenly became -conscious of the cry raised on all sides: 'To the barricades! to -the barricades!' Driven by a mechanical impulse I followed the -stream of people, which moved once more in the direction of the -Town Hall in the Old Market-place. Amid the terrific tumult I -particularly noticed a significant group stretching right across -the street, and striding along the Rosmaringasse. It reminded me, -though the simile was rather exaggerated, of the crowd that had -once stood at the doors of the theatre and demanded free entrance -to Rienzi; among them was a hunchback, who at once suggested -Goethe's Vansen in Egmont, and as the revolutionary cry rose -about his ears, I saw him rub his hands together in great glee -over the long-desired ecstasy of revolt which he had realised at -last. - -I recollect quite clearly that from that moment I was attracted -by surprise and interest in the drama, without feeling any desire -to join the ranks of the combatants. However, the agitation -caused by my sympathy as a mere spectator increased with every -step I felt impelled to take. I was able to press right into the -rooms of the town council, escaping notice in the tumultuous -crowd, and it seemed to me as if the officials were guilty of -collusion with the mob. I made my way unobserved into the -council-chamber; what I saw there was utter disorder and -confusion. When night fell I wandered slowly through the hastily -made barricades, consisting chiefly of market stalls, back to my -house in the distant Friedrichstrasse, and next morning I again -watched these amazing proceedings with sympathetic interest. - -On Thursday, 4th May, I could see that the Town Hall was -gradually becoming the undoubted centre of the revolution. That -section of the people who had hoped for a peaceful understanding -with the monarch was thrown into the utmost consternation by the -news that the King and his whole court, acting on the advice of -his minister Beust, had left the palace, and had gone by ship -down the Elbe to the fortress of Konigstein. In those -circumstances the town council saw they were no longer able to -face the situation, and thereupon took part in summoning those -members of the Saxon Chamber who were still in Dresden. These -latter now assembled in the Town Hall to decide what steps should -be taken for the protection of the state. A deputation was sent -to the ministry, but returned with the report that they were -nowhere to be found. At the same moment news arrived from all -sides that, in accordance with a previous compact, the King of -Prussia's troops would advance to occupy Dresden. A general -outcry immediately arose for measures to be adopted to prevent -this incursion of foreign troops. - -Simultaneously with this, came the intelligence of the national -uprising in Wurtemberg, where the troops themselves had -frustrated the intentions of the government by their declaration -of fidelity to the parliament, and the ministry had been -compelled against their will to acknowledge the Pan-German -Constitution. The opinion of our politicians, who were assembled -in consultation, was that the matter might still be settled by -peaceful means, if it were possible to induce the Saxon troops to -take up a similar attitude, as by this means the King would at -least be placed under the wholesome necessity of offering -patriotic resistance to the Prussian occupation of his country. - -Everything seemed to depend on making the Saxon battalions in -Dresden understand the paramount importance of their action. As -this seemed to me the only hope of an honourable peace in this -senseless chaos, I confess that, on this one occasion, I did -allow myself to be led astray so far as to organise a -demonstration which, however, proved futile. - -I induced the printer of Rockel's Volksblatt, which was for the -moment at a standstill, to employ all the type he would have used -for his next number, in printing in huge characters on strips of -paper the words: Seid Ihr mit uns gegen fremde Truppen? ('Are you -on our side against the foreign troops?'). Placards bearing these -words were fixed on those barricades which it was thought would -be the first to be assaulted, and were intended to bring the -Saxon troops to a halt if they were commanded to attack the -revolutionaries. Of course no one took any notice of these -placards except intending informers. On that day nothing but -confused negotiations and wild excitement took place which threw -no light on the situation. The Old Town of Dresden, with its -barricades, was an interesting enough sight for the spectators. I -looked on with amazement and disgust, but my attention was -suddenly distracted by seeing Bakunin emerge from his hiding- -place and wander among the barricades in a black frockcoat. But I -was very much mistaken in thinking he would be pleased with what -he saw; he recognised the childish inefficiency of all the -measures that had been taken for defence, and declared that the -only satisfaction he could feel in the state of affairs was that -he need not trouble about the police, but could calmly consider -the question of going elsewhere, as he found no inducement to -take part in an insurrection conducted in such a slovenly -fashion. While he walked about, smoking his cigar, and making fun -of the naivete of the Dresden revolution, I watched the Communal -Guards assembling under arms in front of the Town Hall at the -summons of their commandant. From the ranks of its most popular -corps, the Schutzen-Compagnie, I was accosted by Rietschel, who -was most anxious about the nature of the rising, and also by -Semper. Rietschel, who seemed to think I was better informed of -the facts than he was, assured me that he felt his position was a -very difficult one. He said the select company to which he -belonged was very democratic, and as his professorship at the -Fine Arts Academy placed him in a peculiar position, he did not -know how to reconcile the sentiments he shared with his company -with his duty as a citizen. The word 'citizen' amused me; I -glanced sharply at Semper and repeated the word 'citizen.' -Semper responded with a peculiar smile, and turned away without -further comment. - -The next day (Friday the 5th of May), when I again took my place -as a passionately interested spectator of the proceedings at the -Town Hall, events took a decisive turn. The remnant of the -leaders of the Saxon people there assembled thought it advisable -to constitute themselves into a provisional government, as there -was no Saxon government in existence with which negotiations -could be conducted. Professor Kochly, who was an eloquent -speaker, was chosen to proclaim the new administration. He -performed this solemn ceremony from the balcony of the Town Hall, -facing the faithful remnant of the Communal Guards and the not -very numerous crowd. At the same time the legal existence of the -Pan-German Constitution was proclaimed, and allegiance to it was -sworn by the armed forces of the nation. I recollect that these -proceedings did not seem to me imposing, and Bakunin's reiterated -opinion about their triviality gradually became more -comprehensible. Even from a technical point of view these -reflections were justified when, to my great amusement and -surprise, Semper, in the full uniform of a citizen guard, with a -hat bedecked with the national colours, asked for me at the Town -Hall, and informed me of the extremely faulty construction of the -barricades in the Wild Strufergasse and the neighbouring -Brudergasse. To pacify his artistic conscience as an engineer I -directed him to the office of the 'Military Commission for the -Defence.' He followed my advice with conscientious satisfaction; -possibly he obtained the necessary authorisation to give -instructions for the building of suitable works of defence at -that neglected point. After that I never saw him again in -Dresden; but I presume that he carried out the strategic works -entrusted to him by that committee with all the conscientiousness -of a Michael Angelo or a Leonardo da Vinci. - -The rest of the day passed in continuous negotiations over the -truce which, by arrangement with the Saxon troops, was to last -until noon of the next day. In this business I noticed the very -pronounced activity of a former college friend, Marschall von -Bieberstein, a lawyer who, in his capacity as senior officer of -the Dresden Communal Guard, distinguished himself by his -boundless zeal amid the shouts of a mighty band of fellow- -orators. On that day a certain Heinz, formerly a Greek colonel, -was placed in command of the armed forces. These proceedings did -not seem at all satisfactory to Bakunin, who put in an occasional -appearance. While the provisional government placed all its hopes -on finding a peaceful settlement of the conflict by moral -persuasion, he, on the contrary, with his clear vision foresaw a -well-planned military attack by the Prussians, and thought it -could only be met by good strategic measures. He therefore -urgently pressed for the acquisition of some experienced Polish -officers who happened to be in Dresden, as the Saxon -revolutionaries appeared to be absolutely lacking in military -tactics. Everybody was afraid to take this course; on the other -hand, great expectations were entertained from negotiations with -the Frankfort States Assembly, which was on its last legs. -Everything was to be done as far as possible in legal form. The -time passed pleasantly enough. Elegant ladies with their -cavaliers promenaded the barricaded streets during those -beautiful spring evenings. It seemed to be little more than an -entertaining drama. The unaccustomed aspect of things even -afforded me genuine pleasure, combined with a feeling that the -whole thing was not quite serious, and that a friendly -proclamation from the government would put an end to it. So I -strolled comfortably home through the numerous barricades at a -late hour, thinking as I went of the material for a drama, -Achilleus, with which I had been occupied for some time. - -At home I found my two nieces, Clara and Ottilie Brockhaus, the -daughters of my sister Louisa. They had been living for a year -with a governess in Dresden, and their weekly visits and -contagious good spirits delighted me. Every one was in a high -state of glee about the revolution; they all heartily approved of -the barricades, and felt no scruples about desiring victory for -their defenders. Protected by the truce, this state of mind -remained undisturbed the whole of Friday (5th May). From all -parts came news which led us to believe in a universal uprising -throughout Germany. Baden and the Palatinate were in the throes -of a revolt on behalf of the whole of Germany. Similar rumours -came in from free towns like Breslau. In Leipzig, volunteer -student corps had mustered contingents for Dresden, which arrived -amid the exultation of the populace. A fully equipped defence -department was organised at the Town Hall, and young Heine, -disappointed like myself in his hopes of the performance of -Lohengrin, had also joined this body. Vigorous promises of -support came from the Saxon Erzgebirge, as well as announcements -that armed contingents were forthcoming. Every one thought, -therefore, that if only the Old Town were kept well barricaded, -it could safely defy the threat of foreign occupation. Early on -Saturday, 6th May, it was obvious that the situation was becoming -more serious. Prussian troops had marched into the New Town, and -the Saxon troops, which it had not been considered advisable to -use for an attack, were kept loyal to the flag. The truce expired -at noon, and the troops, supported by several guns, at once -opened the attack on one, of the principal positions held by the -people on the Neumarkt. - -So far I had entertained no other conviction than that the matter -would be decided in the most summary fashion as soon as it came -to an actual conflict, for there was no evidence in the state of -my own feelings (or, indeed, in what I was able to gather -independently of them) of that passionate seriousness of purpose, -without which tests as severe as this have never been -successfully withstood. It was irritating to me, while I heard -the sharp rattle of fire, to be unable to gather anything of what -was going on, and I thought by climbing the Kreuz tower I might -get a good view. Even from this elevation I could not see -anything clearly, but I gathered enough to satisfy myself that -after an hour of heavy firing the advance artillery of the -Prussian troops had retired, and had at last been completely -silenced, their withdrawal being signalled by a loud shout of -jubilation from the populace. Apparently the first attack had -exhausted itself; and now my interest in what was going on began -to assume a more and more vivid hue. To obtain information in -greater detail I hurried back to the Town Hall. I could extract -nothing, however, from the boundless confusion which I met, until -at last I came upon Bakunin in the midst of the main group of -speakers. He was able to give me an extraordinarily accurate -account of what had happened. Information had reached -headquarters from a barricade in the Neumarkt where the attack -was most serious, that everything had been in a state of -confusion there before the onslaught of the troops; thereupon my -friend Marschall von Bieberstein, together with Leo von -Zichlinsky, who were officers in the citizen corps, had called up -some volunteers and conducted them to the place of danger. Kreis- -Amtmann Heubner of Freiberg, without a weapon to defend himself, -and with bared head, jumped immediately on to the top of the -barricade, which had just been abandoned by all its defenders. He -was the sole member of the provisional government to remain on -the spot, the leaders, Todt and Tschirner, having disappeared at -the first sign of a panic. Heubner turned round to exhort the -volunteers to advance, addressing them in stirring words. His -success was complete, the barricade was taken again, and a fire, -as unexpected as it was fierce, was directed upon the troops, -which, as I myself saw, were forced to retire. Bakunin had been -in close touch with this action, he had followed the volunteers, -and he now explained to me that however narrow might be the -political views of Heubner (he belonged to the moderate Left of -the Saxon Chamber), he was a man of noble character, at whose -service he had immediately placed his own life. - -Bakunin had only needed this example to determine his own line of -conduct; he had decided to risk his neck in the attempt and to -ask no further questions. Heubner too was now bound to recognise -the necessity for extreme measures, and no longer recoiled from -any proposal on the part of Bakunin which was directed to this -end. The military advice of experienced Polish officers was -brought to bear on the commandant, whose incapacity had not been -slow to reveal itself; Bakunin, who openly confessed that he -understood nothing of pure strategy, never moved from the Town -Hall, but remained at Heubner's side, giving advice and -information in every direction with wonderful sangfroid. For the -rest of the day the battle confined itself to skirmishes by -sharpshooters from the various positions. I was itching to climb -the Kreuz tower again, so as to get the widest possible survey -over the whole field of action. In order to reach this tower from -the Town Hall, one had to pass through a space which was under a -cross-fire of rifle-shots from the troops posted in the royal -palace. At a moment when this square was quite deserted, I -yielded to my daring impulse, and crossed it on my way to the -Kreuz tower at a slow pace, remembering that in such -circumstances the young soldier is advised never to hurry, -because by so doing he may draw the shot upon himself. On -reaching this post of vantage I found several people who had -gathered there, some of them driven by a curiosity like my own, -others in obedience to an order from the headquarters of the -revolutionaries to reconnoitre the enemy's movements. Amongst -them I made the acquaintance of a schoolmaster called Berthold, a -man of quiet and gentle disposition, but full of conviction and -determination. I lost myself in an earnest philosophical -discussion with him which extended to the widest spheres of -religion. At the same time he showed a homely anxiety to protect -us from the cone-shaped bullets of the Prussian sharpshooters by -placing us ingeniously behind a barricade consisting of one of -the straw mattresses which he had cajoled out of the warder. The -Prussian sharpshooters were posted on the distant tower of the -Frauenkirche, and had chosen the height occupied by us as their -target. At nightfall I found it impossible to make up my mind to -go home and leave my interesting place of refuge, so I persuaded -the warder to send a subordinate to Friedrichstadt with a few -lines to my wife, and with instructions to ask her to let me have -some necessary provisions. Thus I spent one of the most -extraordinary nights of my life, taking turns with Berthold to -keep watch and sleep, close beneath the great bell with its -terrible groaning clang, and with the accompaniment of the -continuous rattle of the Prussian shot as it beat against the -tower walls. - -Sunday (the 7th of May) was one of the most beautiful days in the -year. I was awakened by the song of a nightingale, which rose to -our ears from the Schutze garden close by. A sacred calm and -peacefulness lay over the town and the wide suburbs of Dresden, -which were visible from my point of vantage. Towards sunrise a -mist settled upon the outskirts, and suddenly through its folds -we could hear the music of the Marseillaise making its way -clearly and distinctly from the district of the Tharanderstrasse. -As the sound drew nearer and nearer, the mist dispersed, and the -glow of the rising sun spread a glittering light upon the weapons -of a long column which was winding its way towards the town. It -was impossible not to feel deeply impressed at the sight of this -continuous procession. Suddenly a perception of that element -which I had so long missed in the German people was borne in upon -me in all its essential freshness and vital colour. The fact that -until this moment I had been obliged to resign myself to its -absence, had contributed not a little to the feelings by which I -had been swayed. Here I beheld some thousand men from the -Erzgebirge, mostly miners, well armed and organised, who had -rallied to the defence of Dresden. Soon we saw them march up the -Altmarkt opposite the Town Hall, and after receiving a joyful -welcome, bivouac there to recover from their journey. -Reinforcements continued to pour in the whole day long, and the -heroic achievement of the previous day now received its reward in -the shape of a universal elevation of spirits. A change seemed to -have been made in the plan of attack by the Prussian troops. This -could be gathered from the fact that numerous simultaneous -attacks, but of a less concentrated type, were made upon various -positions. The troops which had come to reinforce us brought with -them four small cannon, the property of a certain Herr Thade von -Burgk, whose acquaintance I had made before on the occasion of -the anniversary of the founding of the Dresden Choral Society, -when he had made a speech which was well intentioned but -wearisome to the point of being ludicrous. The recollection of -this speech returned to me with peculiar irony, now that his -cannon were being fired from the barricade upon the enemy. I felt -a still deeper impression, however, when, towards eleven o'clock, -I saw the old Opera House, in which a few weeks ago I had -conducted the last performance of the Ninth Symphony, burst into -flames. As I have had occasion to mention before, the danger from -fire to which this building was exposed, full as it was with wood -and all kind of textile fabric, and originally built only for a -temporary purpose, had always been a subject of terror and -apprehension to those who visited it. - -I was told that the Opera House had been set alight on -strategical grounds, in order to face a dangerous attack on this -exposed side, and also to protect the famous 'Semper' barricade -from an overpowering surprise. From this I concluded that reasons -of this kind act as far more powerful motives in the world than -aesthetic considerations. For a long time men of taste had vainly -cried aloud for abolition of this ugly building which was such an -eyesore by the side of the elegant proportions of the Zwinger -Gallery in its neighbourhood. In a few moments the Opera House -(which as regards size was, it is true, an imposing edifice), -together with its highly inflammable contents, was a vast sea of -flames. When this reached the metal roofs of the neighbouring -wings of the Zwinger, and enveloped them in wonderful bluish -waves of fire, the first expression of regret made itself audible -amongst the spectators. What a disaster! Some thought that the -Natural History collection was in danger; others maintained that -it was the Armoury, upon which a citizen soldier retorted that if -such were the case, it would be a very good job if the 'stuffed -noblemen' were burnt to cinders. But it appeared that a keen -sense of the value of art knew how to curb the fire's lust for -further dominion, and, as a matter of fact, it did but little -damage in that quarter. Finally our post of observation, which -until now had remained comparatively quiet, was filled itself -with swarms and swarms of armed men, who had been ordered thither -to defend the approach from the church to the Altmarkt, upon -which an attack was feared from the side of the ill-secured -Kreuzgasse. Unarmed men were now in the way; moreover, I had -received a message from my wife summoning me home after the long -and terrible anxiety she had suffered. - -At last, after meeting with innumerable obstacles and overcoming -a host of difficulties, I succeeded, by means of all sorts of -circuitous routes, in reaching my remote suburb, from which I was -cut off by the fortified portions of the town, and especially by -a cannonade directed from the Zwinger. My lodgings were full to -overflowing with excited women who had collected round Minna; -among them the panic-stricken wife of Rockel, who suspected her -husband of being in the very thick of the fight, as she thought -that on the receipt of the news that Dresden had risen he would -probably have returned. As a matter of fact, I had heard a rumour -that Rockel had arrived on this very day, but as yet I had not -obtained a glimpse of him. My young nieces helped once more to -raise my spirits. The firing had put them into a high state of -glee, which to some extent infected my wife, as soon as she was -reassured as to my personal safety. All of them were furious with -the sculptor Hanel, who had never ceased insisting upon the -expedience of bolting the house to prevent an entry of the -revolutionaries. All the women without exception were joking -about his abject terror at the sight of some men armed with -scythes who had appeared in the street In this way Sunday passed -like a sort of family jollification. - -On the following morning (Monday, 8th May) I tried again to get -information as to the state of affairs by forcing my way to the -Town Hall from my house, which was cut off from the place of -action. As in the course of my journey I was making my way over -a barricade near St. Ann's Church, one of the Communal Guard -shouted out to me, 'Hullo, conductor, your der Freude schoner -Gotterfunken [Footnote: These words refer to the opening of the -Ninth Symphony chorus: 'Freude, Freude, Freude, schoner -gotterfunken Tochter aus Elysium'--(Praise her, praise oh praise -Joy, the god-descended daughter of Elysium.) English version by -Natalia Macfarren.--Editor.] has indeed set fire to things. The -rotten building is rased to the ground.' Obviously the man was an -enthusiastic member of the audience at my last performance of the -Ninth Symphony. Coming upon me so unexpectedly, this pathetic -greeting filled me with a curious sense of strength and freedom. -A little further on, in a lonely alley in the suburb of Plauen, I -fell in with the musician Hiebendahl, the first oboist in the -royal orchestra, and a man who still enjoyed a very high -reputation; he was in the uniform of the Communal Guards, but -carried no gun, and was chatting with a citizen in a similar -costume. As soon as he saw me, he felt he must immediately make -an appeal to me to use my influence against Rockel, who, -accompanied by ordnance officers of the revolutionary party, was -instituting a search for guns in this quarter. As soon as he -realised that I was making sympathetic inquiries about Rockel, he -drew back frightened, and said to me in tones of the deepest -anxiety: 'But, conductor, have you no thought for your position, -and what you may lose by exposing yourself in this fashion?' This -remark had the most drastic effect upon me; I burst into a loud -laugh, and told him that my position was not worth a thought one -way or the other. This indeed was the expression of my real -feelings, which had long been suppressed, and now broke out into -almost jubilant utterance. At that moment I caught sight of -Rockel, with two men of the citizen army who were carrying some -guns, making his way towards me. He gave me a most friendly -greeting, but turned at once to Hiebendahl and his companion and -asked him why he was idling about here in uniform instead of -being at his post. When Hiebendahl made the excuse that his gun -had been requisitioned, Rockel cried out to him, 'You're a fine -lot of fellows!' and went away laughing. He gave me a brief -account as we proceeded of what had happened to him since I had -lost sight of him, and thus spared me the obligation of giving -him a report of his Volksblatt. We were interrupted by an -imposing troop of well-armed young students of the gymnasium who -had just entered the city and wished to have a safe conduct to -their place of muster. The sight of these serried ranks of -youthful figures, numbering several hundreds, who were stepping -bravely to their duty, did not fail to make the most elevating -impression upon me. Rockel undertook to accompany them over the -barricade in safety to the mastering place in front of the Town -Hall. He took the opportunity of lamenting the utter absence of -true spirit which he had hitherto encountered in those in -command. He had proposed, in case of extremity, to defend the -most seriously threatened barricades by tiring them with pitch -brands; at the mere word the provisional government had fallen -into a veritable state of panic. I let him go his way in order -that I might enjoy the privilege of a solitary person and reach -the Town Hall by a short cut, and it was not until thirteen years -later that I again set eyes upon him. - -In the Town Hall I learned from Bakunin that the provisional -government had passed a resolution, on his advice, to abandon the -position in Dresden, which had been entirely neglected from the -beginning, and was consequently quite untenable for any length of -time. This resolution proposed an armed retreat to the Erzgebirge, -where it would be possible to concentrate the reinforcements -pouring in from all sides, especially from Thuringia, in such -strength, that the advantageous position could be used to -inaugurate a German civil war that would sound no hesitating note -at its outset. To persist in defending isolated barricaded -streets in Dresden could, on the other hand, lend little but the -character of an urban riot to the contest, although it was -pursued with the highest courage. I must confess that this idea -seemed to me magnificent and full of meaning. Up to this moment I -had been moved only by a feeling of sympathy for a method of -procedure entered upon at first with almost ironical incredulity, -and then pursued with the vigour of surprise. Now, however, all -that had before seemed incomprehensible, unfolded itself before -my vision in the form of a great and hopeful solution. Without -either feeling that I was in any way being compelled, or that it -was my vocation to get some part or function allotted to me in -these events, I now definitely abandoned all consideration for my -personal situation, and determined to surrender myself to the -stream of developments which flowed in the direction towards -which my feelings had driven me with a delight that was full of -despair. Still, I did not wish to leave my wife helpless in -Dresden, and I rapidly devised a means of drawing her into the -path which I had chosen, without immediately informing her of -what my resolve meant. During my hasty return to Friedrichstadt I -recognised that this portion of the town had been almost entirely -cut off from the inner city by the occupation of the Prussian -troops; I saw in my mind's eye our own suburb occupied, and the -consequences of a state of military siege in their most repulsive -light. It was an easy job to persuade Minna to accompany me on a -visit, by way of the Tharanderstrasse, which was still free, to -Chemnitz, where my married sister Clara lived. It was only a -matter of a moment for her to arrange her household orders, and -she promised to follow me to the next village in an hour with the -parrot. I went on in advance with my little dog Peps, in order to -hire a carriage in which to proceed on our journey to Chemnitz. -It was a smiling spring morning when I traversed for the last -time the paths I had so often trod on my lonely walks, with the -knowledge that I should never wander along them again. While the -larks were soaring to dizzy heights above my head, and singing in -the furrows of the fields, the light and heavy artillery did not -cease to thunder down the streets of Dresden. The noise of this -shooting, which had continued uninterruptedly for several days, -had hammered itself so indelibly upon my nerves, that it -continued to re-echo for a long time in my brain; just as the -motion of the ship which took me to London had made me stagger -for some time afterwards. Accompanied by this terrible music, I -threw my parting greeting to the towers of the city that lay -behind me, and said to myself with a smile, that if, seven years -ago, my entry had taken place under thoroughly obscure auspices, -at all events my exit was conducted with some show of pomp and -ceremony. - -When at last I found myself with Minna in a one-horse carriage on -the way to the Erzgebirge, we frequently met armed reinforcements -on their way to Dresden. The sight of them always kindled an -involuntary joy in us; even my wife could not refrain from -addressing words of encouragement to the men; at present it -seemed not a single barricade had been lost. On the other hand, a -gloomy impression was made upon us by a company of regulars which -was making its way towards Dresden in silence. We asked some of -them whither they were bound; and their answer, 'To do their -duty,' had been obviously impressed upon them by command. At last -we reached my relations in Chemnitz. I terrified all those near -and dear to me when I declared my intention to return to Dresden -on the following day at the earliest possible hour, in order to -ascertain how things were going there. In spite of all attempts -to dissuade me, I carried out my decision, pursued by a suspicion -that I should meet the armed forces of the Dresden people on the -country highroad in the act of retreat. The nearer I approached -the capital, the stronger became the confirmation of the rumours -that, as yet, there was no thought in Dresden of surrender or -withdrawal, but that, on the contrary, the contest was proving -very favourable for the national party. All this appeared to me -like one miracle after another. On this day, Tuesday, 9th of May, -I once more forced my way in a high state of excitement over -ground which had become more and more inaccessible. All the -highways had to be avoided, and it was only possible to make -progress through such houses as had been broken through. At last -I reached the Town Hall in the Altstadt, just as night was -falling. A truly terrible spectacle met my eyes, for I crossed -those parts of the town in which preparations had been made for a -house-to-house fight. The incessant groaning of big and small -guns reduced to an uncanny murmur all the other sounds that came -from armed men ceaselessly crying out to one another from -barricade to barricade, and from one house to another, which they -had broken through. Pitch brands burnt here and there, pale-faced -figures lay prostrate around the watch-posts, half dead with -fatigue, and any unarmed wayfarer forcing a path for himself was -sharply challenged. Nothing, however, that I have lived through -can be compared with the impression that I received on my entry -into the chambers of the Town Hall. Here was a gloomy, and yet -fairly compact and serious mass of people; a look of unspeakable -fatigue was upon all faces; not a single voice had retained its -natural tone. There was a hoarse jumble of conversation inspired -by a state of the highest tension. The only familiar sight that -survived was to be found in the old servants of the Town Hall in -their curious antiquated uniform and three-cornered hats. These -tall men, at other times an object of considerable fear, I found -engaged partly in buttering pieces of bread, and cutting slices -of ham and sausage, and partly in piling into baskets immense -stores of provisions for the messengers sent by the defenders of -the barricades for supplies. These men had turned into veritable -nursing mothers of the revolution. - -As I proceeded further, I came at last upon the members of the -provisional government, among whom Todt and Tschirner, after -their first panic-stricken flight, were once more to be found -gliding to and fro, gloomy as spectres, now that they were -chained to the performance of their heavy duties. Heubner alone -had preserved his full energy; but he was a really piteous sight: -a ghostly fire burned in his eyes which had not had a wink of -sleep for seven nights. He was delighted to see me again, as he -regarded my arrival as a good omen for the cause which he was -defending; while on the other hand, in the rapid succession of -events, he had come into contact with elements about which no -conclusion could shape itself to his complete satisfaction. I -found Bakunin's outlook undisturbed, and his attitude firm and -quiet. He did not show the smallest change in his appearance, in -spite of having had no sleep during the whole time, which I -afterwards heard was a fact. With a cigar in his mouth he -received me, seated on one of the mattresses which lay -distributed over the floor of the Town Hall. At his side was a -very young Pole (a Galician) named Haimberger, a violinist whom -he had once asked me to recommend to Lipinsky, in order that he -might give him lessons, as he did not want this raw and -inexperienced boy, who had become passionately attached to him, -to get drawn into the vortex of the present upheavals. Now that -Haimberger had shouldered a gun, and presented himself for -service at the barricades, however, Bakunin had greeted him none -the less joyfully. He had drawn him down to sit by his side on -the couch, and every time the youth shuddered with fear at the -violent sound of the cannon-shot, he slapped him vigorously on -the back and cried out: 'You are not in the company of your -fiddle here, my friend. What a pity you didn't stay where you -were!' Bakinin then gave me a short and precise account of what -had happened since I had left him on the previous morning. The -retreat which had then been decided upon soon proved unadvisable, -as it would have discouraged the numerous reinforcements which -had already arrived on that day. Moreover, the desire for -fighting had been so great, and the force of the defenders so -considerable, that it had been possible to oppose the enemy's -troops successfully so far. But as the latter had also got large -reinforcements, they again had been able to make an effective -combined attack on the strong Wildstruf barricade. The Prussian -troops had avoided fighting in the streets, choosing instead the -method of fighting from house to house by breaking through the -walls. This had made it clear that all defence by barricades had -become useless, and that the enemy would succeed slowly but -surely in drawing near the Town Hall, the seat of the provisional -government. Bakunin had now proposed that all the powder stores -should be brought together in the lower rooms of the Town Hall, -and that on the approach of the enemy it should be blown up. The -town council, who were still in consultation in a back room, had -remonstrated with the greatest vehemence. Bakunin, however, had -insisted with great firmness on the execution of the measure, but -in the end had been completely outwitted by the removal of all -the powder stores. Moreover, Heubner, to whom Bakunin could -refuse nothing, had been won over to the other side. It was now -decided that as everything was ready, the retreat to the -Erzgebirge, which had originally been intended for the previous -day, should be fixed for the early morrow. Young Zichlinsky had -already received orders to cover the road to Plauen so as to make -it strategically safe. When I inquired after Rockel, Bakunin -replied swiftly that he had not been seen since the previous -evening, and that he had most likely allowed himself to be -caught: he was in such a nervous state. I now gave an account of -what I had observed on my way to and from Chemnitz, describing -the great masses of reinforcements, amongst which was the -communal guard of that place, several thousands strong. In -Freiberg I had met four hundred reservists, who had come in -excellent form to back the citizen army, but could not proceed -further, as they were tired out by their forced march. It seemed -obvious that this was a case in which the necessary energy to -requisition wagons had been lacking, and that if the bounds of -loyalty were transgressed in this matter, the advent of fresh -forces would be considerably promoted. I was begged to make my -way back at once, and convey the opinion of the provisional -government to the people whose acquaintance I had made. My old -friend Marschall von Bieberstein immediately proposed to -accompany me. I welcomed his offer, as he was an officer of the -provisional government, and was consequently more fitted than I -was to communicate orders. This man, who had been almost -extravagant in his enthusiasm before, was now utterly exhausted -by sleeplessness, and unable to emit another word from his hoarse -throat. He now made his way with me from the Town Hall to his -house in the suburb of Plauen by the devious ways that had been -indicated to us, in order to requisition a carriage for our -purpose from a coachman he knew, and to bid farewell to his -family, from whom he assumed he would in all probability have to -separate himself for some time. - -While we were waiting for the coachman we had tea and supper, -talking the while, in a fairly calm and composed manner, with the -ladies of the house. We arrived at Freiberg early the following -morning, after various adventures, and I set out forthwith to -find the leaders of the reservist contingent with whom I was -already acquainted. Marschall advised them to requisition horses -and carts in the villages wherever they could do so. When they -had all set off in marching order for Dresden, and while I was -feeling impelled by my passionate interest in the fate of that -city to return to it once more, Marschall conceived the desire to -carry his commission further afield, and for this purpose asked -to be allowed to leave me. Whereupon I again turned my back on -the heights of the Erzgebirge, and was travelling by special -coach in the direction of Tharand, when I too was overcome with -sleep, and was only awakened by violent shouts and the sound of -some one holding a parley with the postillion. On opening my eyes -I found, to my astonishment, that the road was filled with armed -revolutionaries marching, not towards, but away from Dresden, and -some of them were trying to commandeer the coach to relieve their -weariness on the way back. - -'What is the matter?' I cried. 'Where are you going?' - -'Home,' was the reply. 'It is all over in Dresden. The provincial -government is close behind us in that carriage down there.' - -I shot out of the coach like a dart, leaving it at the disposal -of the tired men, and hurried on, down the steeply sloping road, -to meet the ill-fated party. And there I actually found them-- -Heubner, Bakunin, and Martin, the energetic post-office clerk, -the two latter armed with muskets--in a smart hired carriage from -Dresden which was coming slowly up the hill. On the box were, as -I supposed, the secretaries, while as many as possible of the -weary National Guard struggled for seats behind. I hastened to -swing myself into the coach, and so came in for a conversation -which thereupon took place between the driver, who was also the -owner of the coach, and the provisional government. The man was -imploring them to spare his carriage, which, he said, was very -lightly sprung and quite unequal to carrying such a load; he -begged that the people should be told not to seat themselves -behind and in front. But Bakunin remained quite unconcerned, and -elected to give me a short account of the retreat from Dresden, -which had been successfully achieved without loss. He had had the -trees in the newly planted Maximilian Avenue felled early in the -morning to form a barricade against a possible flank attack of -cavalry, and had been immensely entertained by the lamentations -of the inhabitants, who during the process did nothing but bewail -their Scheene Beeme. [FOOTNOTE: Saxon corruption of schtine -Bourne, beautiful trees.--EDITOR.] All this time our driver's -lamentations over his coach were growing more importunate. -Finally he broke into loud sobs and tears, upon which Bakunin, -regarding him with positive pleasure, called out: 'The tears of a -Philistine are nectar for the gods.' He would not vouchsafe him a -word, but Heubner and I found the scene tiresome, whereupon he -asked me whether we two at least should not get out, as he could -not ask it of the others. As a matter of fact, it was high time -to leave the coach, as some new contingents of revolutionaries -had formed up in rank and file all along the highway to salute -the provisional government and receive orders. Heubner strode -down the line with great dignity, acquainted the leaders with the -state of affairs, and exhorted them to keep their trust in the -righteousness of the cause for which so many had shed their -blood. All were now to retire to Freiberg, there to await further -orders. - -A youngish man of serious mien now stepped forward from the ranks -of the rebels to place himself under the special protection of -the provisional government. He was a certain Menzdorff, a German -Catholic priest whom I had had the advantage of meeting in -Dresden. (It was he who, in the course of a significant -conversation, had first induced me to read Feuerbach.) He had -been dragged along as a prisoner and abominably treated by the -Chemnitz municipal guard on this particular march, having -originally been the instigator of a demonstration to force that -body to take up arms and march to Dresden. He owed his freedom -only to the chance meeting with other better disposed volunteer -corps. We saw this Chemnitz town guard ourselves, stationed far -away on a hill. They sent representatives to beseech Heubner to -tell them how things stood. When they had received the -information required, and had been told that the fight would be -continued in a determined manner, they invited the provisional -government to quarter at Chemnitz. As soon as they rejoined their -main body we saw them wheel round and turn back. - -With many similar interruptions the somewhat disorganised -procession reached Freiberg. Here some friends of Heubner's came -to meet him in the streets with the urgent request not to plunge -their native place into the misery of desperate street-fighting -by establishing the provisional government there. Heubner made no -reply to this, but requested Bakunin and myself to accompany him -into his house for a consultation. First we had to witness the -painful meeting between Heubner and his wife; in a few words he -pointed out the gravity and importance of the task assigned to -him, reminding her that it was for Germany and the high destiny -of his country that he was staking his life. - -Breakfast was then prepared, and after the meal, during which a -fairly cheerful mood prevailed, Heubner made a short speech to -Bakunin, speaking quietly but firmly. 'My dear Bakunin,' he said -(his previous acquaintance with Bakunin was so slight that he did -not even know how to pronounce his name), 'before we decide -anything further, I must ask you to state clearly whether your -political aim is really the Red Republic, of which they tell me -you are a partisan. Tell me frankly, so that I may know if I can -rely on your friendship in the future?' - -Bakunin explained briefly that he had no scheme for any political -form of government, and would not risk his life for any of them. -As for his own far-reaching desires and hopes, they had nothing -whatever to do with the street-fighting in Dresden and all that -this implied for Germany. He had looked upon the rising in -Dresden as a foolish, ludicrous movement until he realised the -effect of Heubner's noble and courageous example. From that -moment every political consideration and aim had been put in the -background by his sympathy with this heroic attitude, and he had -immediately resolved to assist this excellent man with all the -devotion and energy of a friend. He knew, of course, that he -belonged to the so-called moderate party, of whose political -future he was not able to form an opinion, as he had not profited -much by his opportunities of studying the position of the various -parties in Germany. - -Heubner declared himself satisfied by this reply, and proceeded -to ask Bakunin's opinion of the present state of things--whether -it would not be conscientious and reasonable to dismiss the men -and give up a struggle which might be considered hopeless. In -reply Bakunin insisted, with his usual calm assurance, that -whoever else threw up the sponge, Heubner must certainly not do -so. He had been the first member of the provisional government, -and it was he who had given the call to arms. The call had been -obeyed, and hundreds of lives had been sacrificed; to scatter the -people again would look as if these sacrifices had been made to -idle folly. Even if they were the only two left, they still ought -not to forsake their posts. If they went under their lives might -be forfeit, but their honour must remain unsullied, so that a -similar appeal in the future might not drive every one to -despair. - -This was quite enough for Heubner. He at once made out a summons -for the election of a representative assembly for Saxony, to be -held at Chemnitz. He thought that, with the assistance of the -populace and of the numerous insurgent bands who were arriving -from all quarters, he would be able to hold the town as the -headquarters of a provisional government until the general -situation in Germany had become more settled. In the midst of -these discussions, Stephan Born walked into the room to report -that he had brought the armed bands right into Freiberg, in good -order and without any losses. This young man was a compositor who -had contributed greatly to Heubner's peace of mind during the -last three days in Dresden by taking over the chief command. His -simplicity of manner made a very encouraging impression on us, -particularly when we heard his report. When, however, Heubner -asked whether he would undertake to defend Freiberg against the -troops which might be expected to attack at any moment, he -declared that this was an experienced officer's job, and that he -himself was no soldier and knew nothing of strategy. Under these -circumstances it seemed better, if only to gain time, to fall -back on the more thickly populated town of Chemnitz. The first -thing to be done, however, was to see that the revolutionaries, -who were assembled in large numbers at Freiberg, were properly -cared for, and Born went off immediately to make preliminary -arrangements. Heubner also took leave of us, and went to refresh -his tired brain by an hour's sleep. I was left alone on the sofa -with Bakunin, who soon fell towards me, overcome by irresistible -drowsiness, and dropped the terrific weight of his head on to my -shoulder. As I saw that he would not wake if I shook off this -burden, I pushed him aside with some difficulty, and took leave -both of the sleeper and of Heubner's house; for I wished to see -for myself, as I had done for many days past, what course these -extraordinary events were taking. I therefore went to the Town -Hall, where I found the townspeople entertaining to the best of -their ability a blustering horde of excited revolutionaries both -within and without the walls. To my surprise, I found Heubner -there in the full swing of work. I thought he was asleep at home, -but the idea of leaving the people even for an hour without a -counsellor had driven away all thought of rest. He had lost no -time in superintending the organisation of a sort of commandant's -office, and was again occupied with drafting and signing -documents in the midst of the uproar that raged on all sides. It -was not long before Bakunin too put in an appearance, principally -in search of a good officer--who was not, however, forthcoming. -The commandant of a large contingent from the Vogtland, an oldish -man, raised Bakunin's hopes by the impassioned energy of his -speeches, and he would have had him appointed commandant-general -on the spot. But it seemed as if any real decision were -impossible in that frenzy and confusion, and as the only hope of -mastering it seemed to be in reaching Chemnitz, Heubner gave the -order to march on towards that town as soon as every one had had -food. Once this was settled, I told my friends I should go on in -advance of their column to Chemnitz, where I should find them -again next day; for I longed to be quit of this chaos. I actually -caught the coach, the departure of which was fixed for that time, -and obtained a seat in it. But the revolutionaries were just -marching off on the same road, and we were told that we must wait -until they had passed to avoid being caught in the whirlpool. -This meant considerable delay, and for a long while I watched the -peculiar bearing of the patriots as they marched out. I noticed -in particular a Vogtland regiment, whose marching step was fairly -orthodox, following the beat of a drummer who tried to vary the -monotony of his instrument in an artistic manner by hitting the -wooden frame alternately with the drumhead. The unpleasant -rattling tone thus produced reminded me in ghostly fashion of the -rattling of the skeletons' bones in the dance round the gallows -by night which Berlioz had brought home to my imagination with -such terrible realism in his performance of the last movement of -his Sinfonie Fantastique in Paris. - -Suddenly the desire seized me to look up the friends I had left -behind, and travel to Chemnitz in their company if possible. I -found they had quitted the Town Hall, and on reaching Heubner's -house I was told that he was asleep. I therefore went back to the -coach, which, however, was still putting off its departure, as -the road was blocked with troops. I walked nervously up and down -for some time, then, losing faith in the journey by coach, I went -back again to Heubner's house to offer myself definitely as a -travelling companion. But Heubner and Bakunin had already left -home, and I could find no traces of them. In desperation I -returned once more to the coach, and found it by this time really -ready to start. After various delays and adventures it brought me -late at night to Chemnitz, where I got out and betook myself to -the nearest inn. At five o'clock the next morning I got up (after -a few hours' sleep) and set out to find my brother-in-law -Wolfram's house, which was about a quarter of an hour's walk from -the town. On the way I asked a sentinel of the town guard whether -he knew anything about the arrival of the provisional government. - -'Provisional government?' was the reply. 'Why, it's all up with -that.' I did not understand him, nor was I able to learn anything -about the state of things when I first reached the house of my -relatives, for my brother-in-law had been sent into the town as -special constable. It was only on his return home, lute in the -afternoon, that I heard what had taken place in one hotel at -Chemnitz while I had been resting in another inn. Heubner, -Bakunin, and the man called Martin, whom I have mentioned -already, had, it seemed, arrived before me in a hackney-coach at -the gates of Chemnitz. On being asked for their names Heubner had -announced himself in a tone of authority, and had bidden the town -councillors come to him at a certain hotel. They had no sooner -reached the hotel than they all three collapsed from excessive -fatigue. Suddenly the police broke into the room and arrested -them in the name of the local government, upon which they only -begged to have a few hours' quiet sleep, pointing out that flight -was out of the question in their present condition. I heard -further that they had been removed to Altenburg under a strong -military escort. My brother-in-law was obliged to confess that -the Chemnitz municipal guard, which had been forced to start for -Dresden much against its will, and had resolved at the very -outset to place itself at the disposal of the royal forces on -arriving there, had deceived Heubner by inviting him to Chemnitz, -and had lured him into the trap. They had reached Chemnitz long -before Heubner, and had taken over the guard at the gates with -the object of seeing him arrive and of preparing for his arrest -at once. My brother-in-law had been very anxious about me too, as -he had been told in furious tones by the leaders of the town -guard that I had been seen in close association with the -revolutionaries. He thought it a wonderful intervention of -Providence that I had not arrived at Chemnitz with them and gone -to the same inn, in which case their fate would certainly have -been mine. The recollection of my escape from almost certain -death in duels with the most experienced swordsmen in my student -days flashed across me like a flash of lightning. This last -terrible experience made such an impression on me that I was -incapable of breathing a word in connection with what had -happened. My brother-in-law, in response to urgent appeals--from -my wife in particular, who was much concerned for my personal -safety--undertook to convey me to Altenburg in his carriage by -night. From there I continued my journey by coach to Weimar, -where I had originally planned to spend my holidays, little -thinking that I should arrive by such devious ways. - -The dreamy unreality of my state of mind at this time is best -explained by the apparent seriousness with which, on meeting -Liszt again, I at once began to discuss what seemed to be the -sole topic of any real interest to him in connection with me--the -forthcoming revival of Tannhauser at Weimar. I found it very -difficult to confess to this friend that I had not left Dresden -in the regulation way for a conductor of the royal opera. To tell -the truth, I had a very hazy conception of the relation in which -I stood to the law of my country (in the narrow sense). Had I -done anything criminal in the eye of the law or not? I found it -impossible to come to any conclusion about it. Meanwhile, -alarming news of the terrible conditions in Dresden continued to -pour into Weimar. Genast, the stage manager, in particular, -aroused great excitement by spreading the report that Rockel, who -was well known at Weimar, had been guilty of arson. Liszt must -soon have gathered from my conversation, in which I did not take -the trouble to dissimulate, that I too was suspiciously connected -with these terrible events, though my attitude with regard to -them misled him for some time. For I was not by any means -prepared to proclaim myself a combatant in the recent fights, and -that for reasons quite other than would have seemed valid in the -eyes of the law. My friend was therefore encouraged in his -delusion by the unpremeditated effect of my attitude. When we met -at the house of Princess Caroline of Wittgenstein, to whom I had -been introduced the year before when she paid her flying visit to -Dresden, we were able to hold stimulating conversations on all -sorts of artistic topics. One afternoon, for instance, a lively -discussion sprang up from a description I had given of a tragedy -to be entitled Jesus of Nazareth. Liszt maintained a discreet -silence after I had finished, whereas the Princess protested -vigorously against my proposal to bring such a subject on to the -stage. From the lukewarm attempt I made to support the -paradoxical theories I had put forward, I realised the state of -my mind at that time. Although it was not very evident to -onlookers, I had been, and still was, shaken to the very depths -of my being by my recent experiences. - -In due course an orchestral rehearsal of Tannhauser took place, -which in various ways stimulated the artist in me afresh. Liszt's -conducting, though mainly concerned with the musical rather than -the dramatic side, filled me for the first time with the -flattering warmth of emotion roused by the consciousness of being -understood by another mind in full sympathy with my own. At the -same time I was able, in spite of my dreamy condition, to observe -critically the standard of capacity exhibited by the singers and -their chorus-master. After the rehearsal I, together with the -musical director, Stohr, and Gotze the singer, accepted Liszt's -invitation to a simple dinner, at a different inn from the one -where he lived. I thus had occasion to take alarm at a trait in -his character which was entirely new to me. After being stirred -up to a certain pitch of excitement his mood became positively -alarming, and he almost gnashed his teeth in a passion of fury -directed against a certain section of society which had also -aroused my deepest indignation. I was strongly affected by this -strange experience with this wonderful man, but I was unable to -see the association of ideas which had led to his terrible -outburst. I was therefore left in a state of amazement, while -Liszt had to recover during the night from a violent attack of -nerves which his excitement had produced. Another surprise was in -store for me the next morning, when I found my friend fully -equipped for a journey to Karlsruhe--the circumstances which made -it necessary being absolutely incomprehensible to me. Liszt -invited Director Stohr and myself to accompany him as far as -Eisenach. On our way there we were stopped by Beaulieu, the Lord -Chamberlain, who wished to know whether I was prepared to be -received by the Grand Duchess of Weimar, a sister of the Emperor -Nicolas, at Eisenach castle. As my excuse on the score of -unsuitable travelling costume was not admitted, Liszt accepted in -my name, and I really met with a surprisingly kind reception that -evening from the Grand Duchess, who chatted with me in the -friendliest way, and introduced me to her chamberlain with all -due ceremony. Liszt maintained afterwards that his noble -patroness had been informed that I should be wanted by the -authorities in Dresden within the next few days, and had -therefore hastened to make my personal acquaintance at once, -knowing that it would compromise her too heavily later on. - -Liszt continued his journey from Eisenach, leaving me to be -entertained and looked after by Stohr and the musical director -Kuhmstedt, a diligent and skilful master of counterpoint with -whom I paid my first visit to the Wartburg, which had not then -been restored. I was filled with strange musings as to my fate -when I visited this castle. Here I was actually on the point of -entering, for the first time, the building which was so full of -meaning for me; here, too, I had to tell myself that the days of -my further sojourn in Germany were numbered. And in fact the news -from Dresden, when we returned to Weimar the next day, was -serious indeed. Liszt, on his return on the third day, found a -letter from my wife, who had not dared to write direct to me. She -reported that the police had searched my house in Dresden, to -which she had returned, and that she had, moreover been warned on -no account to allow me to return to that city, as a warrant had -been taken out against me, and I was shortly to be served with a -writ and arrested. Liszt, who was now solely concerned for my -personal safety, called in a friend who had some experience of -law, to consider what should be done to rescue me from the danger -that threatened me. Von Watzdorf, the minister whom I had already -visited, had been of opinion that I should, if required, submit -quietly to being taken to Dresden, and that the journey would be -made in a respectable private carriage. On the other hand, -reports which had reached us of the brutal way in which the -Prussian troops in Dresden had gone to work in applying the state -of siege were of so alarming a nature that Liszt and his friends -in council urged my speedy departure from Weimar, where it would -be impossible to protect me. But I insisted on taking leave of my -wife, whose anxiety was great, before leaving Germany, and begged -to be allowed to stay a little longer at least in the -neighbourhood of Weimar. This was taken into consideration, and -Professor Siebert suggested my taking temporary shelter with a -friendly steward at the village of Magdala, which was three hours -distant. I drove there the following morning to introduce myself -to this kind steward and protector as Professor Werder from -Berlin, who, with a letter of recommendation from Professor -Siebert, had come to turn his financial studies to practical -account in helping to administer these estates. Here in rural -seclusion I spent three days, entertainment of a peculiar nature -being provided by the meeting of a popular assembly, which -consisted of the remainder of the contingent of revolutionaries -which had marched off towards Dresden and had now returned in -disorder. I listened with curious feelings, amounting almost to -contempt, to the speeches on this occasion, which were of every -kind and description. On the second day of my stay my host's wife -came back from Weimar (where it was market-day) full of a curious -tale: the composer of an opera which was being performed there on -that very day had been obliged to leave Weimar suddenly because -the warrant for his arrest had arrived from Dresden. My host, who -had been let into my secret by Professor Seibert, asked playfully -what his name was. As his wife did not seem to know, he came to -her assistance with the suggestion that perhaps it was Rockel -whose name was familiar at Weimar. - -'Yes,' she said, 'Rockel, that was his name, quite right.' - -My host laughed loudly, and said that he would not be so stupid -as to let them catch him, in spite of his opera. - -At last, on 22nd May, my birthday, Minna actually arrived at -Magdala. She had hastened to Weimar on receiving my letter, and -had proceeded from there according to instructions, bent on -persuading me at all costs to flee the country immediately and -for good. No attempt to raise her to the level of my own mood was -successful; she persisted in regarding me as an ill-advised, -inconsiderate person who had plunged both himself and her into -the most terrible situation. It had been arranged that I should -meet her the next evening in the house of Professor Wolff at Jena -to take a last farewell. She was to go by way of Weimar, while I -took the footpath from Magdala. I started accordingly on my walk -of about six hours, and came over the plateau into the little -university town (which now received me hospitably for the first -time) at sunset. I found my wife again at the house of Professor -Wolff, who, thanks to Liszt, was already my friend, and with the -addition of a certain Professor Widmann another conference was -held on the subject of my further escape. A writ was actually out -against me for being strongly suspected of participation in the -Dresden rising, and I could not under any circumstances depend on -a safe refuge in any of the German federal states. Liszt insisted -on my going to Paris, where I could find a new field for my work, -while Widmann advised me not to go by the direct route through -Frankfort and Baden, as the rising was still in full swing there, -and the police would certainly exercise praiseworthy vigilance -over incoming travellers with suspicious-looking passports. The -way through Bavaria would be the safest, as all was quiet there -again; I could then make for Switzerland, and the journey to -Paris from there could be engineered without any danger. As I -needed a passport for the journey, Professor Widmann offered me -his own, which had been issued at Tubingen and had not been -brought up to date. My wife was quite in despair, and the parting -from her caused me real pain. I set off in the mail-coach and -travelled, without further hindrance, through many towns (amongst -them Rudolstadt, a place full of memories for me) to the Bavarian -frontier. From there I continued my journey by mail-coach -straight to Lindau. At the gates I, together with the other -passengers, was asked for my passport. I passed the night in a -state of strange, feverish excitement, which lasted until the -departure of the steamer on Lake Constance early in the morning. -My mind was full of the Swabian dialect, as spoken by Professor -Widmann, with whose passport I was travelling. I pictured to -myself my dealings with the Bavarian police should I have to -converse with them in accordance with the above-mentioned -irregularities in that document. A prey to feverish unrest, I -spent the whole night trying to perfect myself in the Swabian -dialect, but, as I was amused to find, without the smallest -success. I had braced myself to meet the crucial moment early the -next morning, when the policeman came into my room and, not -knowing to whom the passports belonged, gave me three at random -to choose from. With joy in my heart I seized my own, and -dismissed the dreaded messenger in the most friendly way. Once on -board the steamer I realised with true satisfaction that I had -now stepped on to Swiss territory. It was a lovely spring -morning; across the broad lake I could gaze at the Alpine -landscape as it spread itself before my eyes. When I stepped on -to Republican soil at Rorschach, I employed the first moments in -writing a few lines home to tell of my safe arrival in -Switzerland and my deliverance from all danger. The coach drive -through the pleasant country of St. Gall to Zurich cheered me up -wonderfully, and when I drove down from Oberstrass into Zurich -that evening, the last day in May, at six o'clock, and saw for -the first time the Glarner Alps that encircle the lake gleaming -in the sunset, I at once resolved, though without being fully -conscious of it, to avoid everything that could prevent my -settling here. - -I had been the more willing to accept my friends' suggestion to -take the Swiss route to Paris, as I knew I should find an old -acquaintance, Alexander Muller, at Zurich. I hoped with his help -to obtain a passport to France, as I was anxious not to arrive -there as a political refugee. I had been on very friendly terms -with Muller once upon a time at Wurzburg. He had been settled at -Zurich for a long time as a teacher of music; this I learned from -a pupil of his, Wilhelm Baumgartner, who had called on me in -Dresden some years back to bring me a greeting from this old -friend. On that occasion I entrusted the pupil with a copy of the -score of Tannhauser for his master, by way of remembrance, and -this kind attention had not fallen on barren soil: Muller and -Baumgartner, whom I visited forthwith, introduced me at once to -Jacob Sulzer and Franz Hagenbuch, two cantonal secretaries who -were the most likely, among all their good friends, to compass -the immediate fulfilment of my desire. These two people, who had -been joined by a few intimates, received me with such respectful -curiosity and sympathy that I felt at home with them at once. The -great assurance and moderation with which they commented on the -persecutions which had overtaken me, as seen from their usual -simple republican standpoint, opened to me a conception of civil -life which seemed to lift me to an entirely new sphere. I felt so -safe and protected here, whereas in my own country I had, without -quite realising it, come to be considered a criminal owing to the -peculiar connection between my disgust at the public attitude -towards art and the general political disturbances. To prepossess -the two secretaries entirely in my favour (one of them, Sulzer, -had enjoyed an excellent classical education), my friends -arranged a meeting one evening at which I was to read my poem on -the Death of Siegfried. I am prepared to swear that I never had -more attentive listeners, among men, than on that evening. The -immediate effect of my success was the drawing up of a fully -valid federal passport for the poor German under warrant of -arrest, armed with which I started gaily on my journey to Paris -after quite a short stay at Zurich. From Strassburg, where I was -enthralled by the fascination of the world-famous minster, I -travelled towards Paris by what was then the best means of -locomotion, the so-called malle-poste. I remember a remarkable -phenomenon in connection with this conveyance. Till then the -noise of the cannonade and musketry in the fighting at Dresden -had been persistently re-echoing in my ears, especially in a -half-waking condition; now the humming of the wheels, as we -rolled rapidly along the highroad, cast such a spell upon me that -for the whole of the journey I seemed to hear the melody of -Freude, schoner Gotterfunken [Footnote: See note on page 486.] -from the Ninth Symphony being played, as it were, on deep bass -instruments. - -From the time of my entering Switzerland till my arrival in Paris -my spirits, which had sunk into a dreamlike apathy, rose -gradually to a level of freedom and comfort that I had never -enjoyed before. I felt like a bird in the air whose destiny is -not to founder in a morass; but soon after my arrival in Paris, -in the first week of June, a very palpable reaction set in. I had -had an introduction from Liszt to his former secretary Belloni, -who felt it his duty, in loyalty to the instructions received, to -put me into communication with a literary man, a certain Gustave -Vaisse, with the object of being commissioned to write an opera -libretto for production in Paris. I did not, however, make the -personal acquaintance of Vaisse. The idea did not please me, and -I found sufficient excuse for warding off the negotiations by -saying I was afraid of the epidemic of cholera which was said to -be raging in the city. I was staying in the Rue Notre Dame de -Lorette for the sake of being near Belloni. Through this street -funeral processions, announced by the muffled drum boats of the -National Guard, passed practically every hour. Though the heat -was stifling, I was strictly forbidden to touch water, and was -advised to exercise the greatest precaution with regard to diet -in every respect. Besides this weight of uneasiness on my -spirits, the whole outward aspect of Paris, as it then appeared, -had the most depressing effect on me. The motto, liberte, -egalite, fraternite was still to be seen on all the public -buildings and other establishments, but, on the other hand, I was -alarmed at seeing the first garcons caissiers making their way -from the bank with their long money-sacks over their shoulders -and their large portfolios in their hands. I had never met them so -frequently as now, just when the old capitalist regime, after its -triumphant struggle against the once dreaded socialist -propaganda, was exerting itself vigorously to regain the public -confidence by its almost insulting pomp. I had gone, as it were, -mechanically into Schlesinger's music-shop, where a successor was -now installed--a much more pronounced type of Jew named Brandus, -of a very dirty appearance. The only person there to give me a -friendly welcome was the old clerk, Monsieur Henri. After I had -talked to him in loud tones for some time, as the shop was -apparently empty, he at length asked me with some embarrassment -whether I had not seen my master (votre maitre) Meyerbeer. - -'Is Monsieur Meyerbeer here?' I asked. - -'Certainly,' was the even more embarrassed reply; 'quite near, -over there behind the desk.' - -And, sure enough, as I walked across to the desk Meyerbeer came -out, covered with confusion. He smiled and made some excuse about -pressing proof-sheets. He had been hiding there quietly for over -ten minutes since first hearing my voice. I had had enough after -my strange encounter with this apparition. It recalled so many -things affecting myself which reflected suspicion on the man, in -particular the significance of his behaviour towards me in Berlin -on the last occasion. However, as I had now nothing more to do -with him, I greeted him with a certain easy gaiety induced by the -regret I felt at seeing his manifest confusion on becoming -cognisant of my arrival in Paris. He took it for granted that I -should again seek my fortune there, and seemed much surprised -when I assured him, on the contrary, that the idea of having any -work there was odious to me. - -'But Liszt published such a brilliant article about you in the -Journal des Debats,' he said. - -'Ah,' I replied, 'it really had not occurred to me that the -enthusiastic devotion of a friend should be regarded as a mutual -speculation.' - -'But the article made a sensation. It is incredible that you -should not seek to make any profit out of it.' - -This offensive meddlesomeness roused me to protest to Meyerbeer -with some violence that I was concerned with anything rather than -with the production of artistic work, particularly just at that -time when the course of events seemed to indicate that the whole -world was undergoing a reaction. - -'But what do you expect to get out of the revolution?' he -replied. 'Are you going to write scores for the barricades?' - -Whereupon I assured him that I was not thinking of writing any -scores at all. We parted, obviously without having arrived at a -mutual understanding. - -In the street I was also stopped by Moritz Schlesinger, who, -being equally under the influence of Liszt's brilliant article, -evidently considered me a perfect prodigy. He too thought I must -be counting on making a hit in Paris, and was sure that I had a -very good chance of doing so. - -'Will you undertake my business?' I asked him. 'I have no money. -Do you really think the performance of an opera by an unknown -composer can be anything but a matter of money?' - -'You are quite right,' said Moritz, and left me on the spot. - -I turned from these disagreeable encounters in the plague- -stricken capital of the world to inquire the fate of my Dresden -companions, for some of those with whom I was intimate had also -reached Paris, when I called on Desplechins, who had painted the -scenery for Tannhauser. I found Semper there, who had, like -myself, been deposited in this city. We met again with no little -pleasure, although we could not help smiling at our grotesque -situation. Semper had retired from the battle when the famous -barricade, which he in his capacity of architect kept under close -observation, had been surrounded. (He thought it impossible for -it to be captured.) All the same, he considered that he had -exposed himself quite sufficiently to make it state of siege and -were occupying Dresden. He considered himself lucky as a native -of Holstein to be dependent, not on the German, but on the Danish -government for a passport, as this had helped him to reach Paris -without difficulty. When I expressed my real and heartfelt regret -at the turn of affairs which had torn him from a professional -undertaking on which he had just started--the completion of the -Dresden Museum--he refused to take it too seriously, saying it -had given him a great deal of worry. In spite of our trying -situation, it was with Semper that I spent the only bright hours -of my stay in Paris. We were soon joined by another refugee, -young Heine, who had once wished to paint my Lohengrin scenery. -He had no qualms about his future, for his master Desplechins was -willing to give him employment. I alone felt I had been pitched -quite aimlessly into Paris. I had a passionate desire to leave -this cholera-laden, atmosphere, and Belloni offered me an -opportunity which I promptly and joyfully seized. He invited me -to follow himself and his family to a country place near La -Ferte-sous-Jouarre, where I could be refreshed by pure air and -absolute quiet, and wait for a change for the better in my -position. I made the short journey to Rueil after another week in -Paris, and took for the time being a poor lodging (one room, -built with recesses) in the house of Monsieur Raphael, a wine -merchant, close by the village mairie where the Belloni family -were staying. Here I waited further developments. During the -period when all news from Germany ceased I tried to occupy myself -as far as possible with reading. After going through Proudhon's -writings, and in particular his De la propriete, in such a manner -as to glean comfort for my situation in curiously divers ways, I -entertained myself for a considerable time with Lamartine's -Histoire des Girondins, a most alluring and attractive work. One -day Belloni brought me news of the unfortunate rising in Paris, -which had been attempted on the 13th June by the Republicans -under Ledru-Rollin against the provisional government, which was -then in the full tide of reaction. Great as was the indignation -with which the news was received by my host and the mayor of the -place (a relative of his, at whose table we ate our modest daily -meal), it made, on the whole, little impression on me, as my -attention was still fixed in great agitation on the events which -were taking place on the Rhine, and particularly on the grand- -duchy of Baden, which had been made forfeit to a provisional -government. When, however, the news reached me from this quarter -also that the Prussians had succeeded in subduing a movement -which had not at first seemed hopeless, I felt extraordinarily -downcast. - -I was compelled to consider my position carefully, and the -necessity of conquering my difficulties helped to allay the -excitement to which I was a prey. The letters from my Weimar -friends, as well as those from my wife, now brought me completely -to my senses. The former expressed themselves very curtly about -my behaviour with regard to recent events. The opinion was, that -for the moment there would be nothing for me to do, and -especially not in Dresden, or at the grand-ducal court, 'as one -could not very well knock at battered doors'; 'on ne frappe pas a -des portes enfoncees' (Princess von Wittgenstein to Belloni). - -I did not know what to reply, for I had never dreamt of expecting -anything to come from their intervening on my behalf in that -quarter; consequently I was quite satisfied that they sent me -temporarily financial assistance. With this money I made up my -mind to leave for Zurich and ask Alex Muller to give me shelter -for a while, as his house was sufficiently large to accommodate a -guest. My saddest moment came when, after a long silence, I at -last received a letter from my wife. She wrote that she could not -dream of living with me again; that after I had so unscrupulously -thrown away a connection and position, the like of which would -never again present itself to me, no woman could reasonably be -expected to take any further interest in my future enterprises. - -I fully appreciated my wife's unfortunate position; I could in no -way assist her, except by advising her to sell our Dresden -furniture, and by making an appeal on her behalf to my relatives -in Leipzig. - -Until then I had been able to think more lightly of the misery of -her position, simply because I had imagined her to be more deeply -in sympathy with what agitated me. Often during the recent -extraordinary events I had even believed that she understood my -feelings. Now, however, she had disillusioned me on this point: -she could see in me no more than what the public saw, and the one -redeeming point of her severe judgment was that she excused my -behaviour on the score that I was reckless. After I had begged -Liszt to do what he could for my wife, I soon began to regard her -unexpected behaviour with more equanimity. In reply to her -announcement that she would not write to me again for the -present, I said that I had also resolved to spare her all further -anxiety about my very doubtful fate, by ceasing from -communicating with her. I surveyed the panorama of our long years -of association critically in my mind's eye, beginning with that -first stormy year of our married life, that had been so full of -sorrow. Our youthful days of worry and care in Paris had -undoubtedly been of benefit to us both. The courage and patience -with which she had faced our difficulties, while I on my part had -tried to end them by dint of hard work, had linked us together -with bonds of iron. Minna was rewarded for all these privations -by Dresden successes, and more especially by the highly enviable -position I had held there. Her position as wife of the conductor -(Frau Kapellmeisterin) had brought her the fulfilment of her -dearest wishes, and all those things which conspired to make my -work in this official post so intolerable to me, were to her no -more than so many threats directed against her smug content. The -course I had adopted with regard to Tannhauser had already made -her doubtful of my success at the theatres, and had robbed her of -all courage and confidence in our future. The more I deviated -from the path which she regarded as the only profitable one, due -partly to the change of my views (which I grew ever less willing -to communicate to her), and partly to the modification in my -attitude towards the stage, the more she retreated from that -position of close fellowship with me which she had enjoyed in -former years, and which she thought herself justified in -connecting in some way with my successes. - -She looked upon my conduct with regard to the Dresden catastrophe -as the outcome of this deviation from the right path, and -attributed it to the influence of unscrupulous persons -(particularly the unfortunate Rockel), who were supposed to have -dragged me with them to ruin, by appealing to my vanity. Deeper -than all these disagreements, however, which, after all, were -concerned only with external circumstances, was the consciousness -of our fundamental incompatibility, which to me had become ever -more and more apparent since the day of our reconciliation. From -the very beginning we had had scenes of the most violent -description: never once after these frequent quarrels had she -admitted herself in the wrong or tried to be friends again. - -The necessity of speedily restoring our domestic peace, as well -as my conviction (confirmed by every one of her extravagant -outbursts) that, in view of the great disparity of our characters -and especially of our educations, it devolved upon me to prevent -such scenes by observing great caution in my behaviour, always -led me to take the entire blame for what had happened upon myself, -and to mollify Minna by showing her that I was sorry. -Unfortunately, and to my intense grief, I was forced to recognise -that by acting in this way I lost all my power over her -affections, and especially over her character. Now we stood in a -position in which I could not possibly resort to the same means -of reconciliation, for it would have meant my being inconsistent -in all my views and actions. And then I found myself confronted -by such hardness in the woman whom I had spoilt by my leniency, -that it was out of the question to expect her to acknowledge the -injustice done to myself. Suffice it to say that the wreck of my -married life had contributed not inconsiderably to the ruin of my -position in Dresden, and to the careless manner in which I -treated it, for instead of finding help, strength, and -consolation at home, I found my wife unwittingly conspiring -against me, in league with all the other hostile circumstances -which then beset me. After I had got over the first shock of her -heartless behaviour, I was absolutely clear about this. I -remember that I did not suffer any great sorrow, but that on the -contrary, with the conviction of being now quite helpless, an -almost exalted calm came over me when I realised that up to the -present my life had been built on a foundation of sand and -nothing more. At all events, the fact that I stood absolutely -alone did much towards restoring my peace of mind, and in my -distress I now found strength and comfort even in the fact of my -dire poverty. At last assistance arrived from Weimar. I accepted -it eagerly, and it was the means of extricating me from my -present useless life and stranded hopes. - -My next move was to find a place of refuge--one, however, which -had but little attraction for me, seeing that in it there was not -the slightest hope of my being able to make any further headway -in the paths along which I had hitherto progressed. This refuge -was Zurich, a town devoid of all art in the public sense, and -where for the first time I met simple-hearted people who knew -nothing about me as a musician, but who, as it appeared, felt -drawn towards me by the power of my personality alone. I arrived -at Muller's house and asked him to let me have a room, at the -same time giving him what remained of my capital, namely twenty -francs. I quickly discovered that my old friend was embarrassed -by my perfectly open confidence in him, and that he was at his -wit's end to know what to do with me. I soon gave up the large -room containing a grand piano, which he had allotted to me on the -impulse of the moment, and retired to a modest little bedroom. -The meals were my great trial, not because I was fastidious, but -because I could not digest thorn. Outside my friend's house, on -the contrary, I enjoyed what, considering the habits of the -locality, was the most luxurious reception. The same young men -who had been so kind to me on my first journey through Zurich -again showed themselves anxious to be continually in my company, -and this was especially the case with one young fellow called -Jakob Sulzer. He had to be thirty years of age before he was -entitled to become a member of the Zurich government, and he -therefore still had several years to wait. In spite of his youth, -however, the impression he made on all those with whom he came in -contact was that of a man of riper years, whose character was -formed. When I was asked long afterwards whether I had ever met a -man who, morally speaking, was the beau-ideal of real character -and uprightness, I could, on reflection, think of none other than -this newly gained friend, Jakob Sulzer. - -He owed his early appointment as permanent Cantonal Secretary -(Staatsschreiber), one of the most excellent government posts in -the canton of Zurich, to the recently returned liberal party, led -by Alfred Escher. As this party could not employ the more -experienced members of the older conservative side in the public -offices, their policy was to choose exceptionally gifted young -men for these positions. Sulzer showed extraordinary promise, and -their choice accordingly soon lighted on him. He had only just -returned from the Berlin and Bonn universities with the intention -of establishing himself as professor of philology at the -university in his native town, when he was made a member of the -new government. To fit himself for his post he had to stay in -Geneva for six months to perfect himself in the French language, -which he had neglected during his philological studies. He was -quick-witted and industrious, as well as independent and firm, -and he never allowed himself to be swayed by any party tactics. -Consequently he rose very rapidly to high positions in the -government, to which he rendered valuable and important services, -first as Minister of Finance, a post he held for many years, and -later with particular distinction as member of the School -Federation. His unexpected acquaintance with me seemed to place -him in a sort of dilemma; from the philological and classical -studies which he had entered upon of his own choice, he suddenly -found himself torn away in the most bewildering manner by this -unexpected summons from the government. It almost seemed as if -his meeting with me had made him regret having accepted the -appointment. As he was a person of great culture, my poem, -Siegfried's Death, naturally revealed to him my knowledge of -German antiquity. He had also studied this subject, but with -greater philological accuracy than I could possibly have aspired -to. When, later on, he became acquainted with my manner of -writing music, this peculiarly serious and reserved man became so -thoroughly interested in my sphere of art, so far removed from -his own field of labour, that, as he himself confessed, he felt -it his duty to fight against these disturbing influences by being -intentionally brusque and curt with me. In the beginning of my -stay in Zurich, however, he delighted in being led some distance -astray in the realms of art. The old-fashioned official residence -of the first Cantonal Secretary was often the scene of unique -gatherings, composed of people such as I would be sure to -attract. It might even be said that these social functions -occurred rather more frequently than was advisable for the -reputation of a civil servant of this little philistine state. -What attracted the musician Baumgartner more particularly to -these meetings was the product of Sulzer's vineyards in -Winterthur, to which our hosts treated his guests with the -greatest liberality. When in my moods of mad exuberance I gave -vent in dithyrambic effusions to my most extreme views on art and -life, my listeners often responded in a manner which, more often -than not, I was perfectly right in ascribing to the effects of -the wine rather than to the power of my enthusiasm. Once when -Professor Ettmuller, the Germanist and Edda scholar, had been -invited to listen to a reading of my Siegfried and had been led -home in a state of melancholy enthusiasm, there was a regular -outburst of wanton spirits among those who had remained behind. I -conceived the absurd idea of lifting all the doors of the state -official's house off their hinges. - -Herr Hagenbuch, another servant of the state, seeing what -exertion this cost me, offered me the help of his gigantic -physique, and with comparative ease we succeeded in removing -every single door, and laying it aside, a proceeding at which -Sulzer merely smiled good-naturedly. The next day, however, when -we made inquiries, he told us that the replacing of those doors -(which must have been a terrible strain on his delicate -constitution) had taken him the whole night, as he had made up -his mind to keep the knowledge of our orgies from the sergeant, -who always arrived at a very early hour in the morning. - -The extraordinary birdlike freedom of my existence had the effect -of exciting me more and more. I was often frightened at the -excessive outbursts of exaltation to which I was prone--no matter -whom I was with--and which led me to indulge in the most -extraordinary paradoxes in my conversation. Soon after I had -settled in Zurich I began to write down my various ideas about -things at which I had arrived through my private and artistic -experiences, as well as through the influence of the political -unrest of the day. As I had no choice but to try, to the best of -my ability, to earn something by my pen, I thought of sending a -series of articles to a great French journal such as the -National, which in those days was still extant. In these articles -I meant to propound my ideas (in my revolutionary way) on the -subject of modern art in its relation to society. I sent six of -them to an elderly friend of mine, Albert Franck, requesting him -to have them translated into French and to get them published. -This Franck was the brother of the better-known Hermann Franck, -now the head of the Franco-German bookselling firm, which had -originally belonged to my brother-in-law, Avenarius. He sent me -back my work with the very natural remark that it was out of the -question to expect the Parisian public to understand or -appreciate my articles, especially at such a critical moment. - -I headed the manuscript Kunst und Revolution ('Art and -Revolution') and sent it to Otto Wigand in Leipzig, who actually -undertook to publish it in the form of a pamphlet, and sent me -five louis d'or for it. This unexpected success induced me to -continue to exploit my literary gifts. I looked among my papers -for the essay I had written the year before as the outcome of my -historical studies of the 'Nibelungen' legend; I gave it the -title of Die Nibelungen Weltgeschichte aus der Sage, and again -tried my luck by sending it to Wigand. - -The sensational title of Kunst und Revolution, as well as the -notoriety the 'royal conductor' had gained as a political -refugee, had made the radical publisher hope that the scandal -that would arise on the publication of my articles would redound -to his benefit! I soon discovered that he was on the point of -issuing a second edition of Kunst und Revolution, without, -however, informing me of the fact. He also took over my new -pamphlet for another five louis d'or. This was the first time I -had earned money by means of published work, and I now began to -believe that I had reached that point when I should be able to -get the better of my misfortunes. I thought it over, and decided -to give public lectures in Zurich on subjects related to my -writings during the coming winter, hoping in that free and -haphazard fashion to keep body and soul together for a little -while, although I had no fixed appointment and did not intend to -work at music. - -It seemed necessary for me to resort to these means, as I did not -know how otherwise to keep myself alive. Shortly after my arrival -in Zurich I had witnessed the coming of the fragments of the -Baden army, dispersed over Swiss territory, and accompanied by -fugitive volunteers, and this had made a painful and uncanny -impression upon me. The news of the surrender near Villagos by -Gorgey paralysed the last hopes as to the issue of the great -European struggle for liberty, which so far had been left quite -undecided. With some misgiving and anxiety I now turned my eyes -from all these occurrences in the outside world inwards to my own -soul. - -I was accustomed to patronise the cafe litteraire, where I took -my coffee after my heavy mid-day meal, in a smoky atmosphere -surrounded by a merry and joking throng of men playing dominoes -and 'fast.' One day I stared at its common wall-paper -representing antique subjects, which in some inexplicable way -recalled a certain water-colour by Genelli to my mind, portraying -'The education of Dionysos by the Muses.' I had seen it at the -house of my brother-in-law Brockhaus in my young days, and it had -made a deep impression on me at the time. At this same place I -conceived the first ideas of my Kunstwerk der Zukunft ('The Art- -Work of the Future'), and it seemed a significant omen to me to -be roused one day out of one of my post-prandial dreams by the -news that Schroder-Devrient was staying in Zurich. I immediately -got up with the intention of calling on her at the neighbouring -hotel, 'Zum Schwerte,' but to my great dismay heard that she had -just left by steamer. I never saw her again, and long afterwards -only heard of her painful death from my wife, who in later years -became fairly intimate with her in Dresden. - -After I had spent two remarkable summer months in this wild and -extraordinary fashion, I at last received reassuring news of -Minna, who had remained in Dresden. Although her manner of taking -leave of me had been both harsh and wounding, I could not bring -myself to believe I had completely parted from her. In a letter I -wrote to one of her relations, and which I presumed they would -forward, I made sympathetic inquiries about her, while I had -already done all that lay in my power, through repeated appeals -to Liszt, to ensure her being well cared for. I now received a -direct reply, which, in addition to the fact that it testified to -the vigour and activity with which she had fought her -difficulties, at the same time showed me that she earnestly -desired to be reunited with me. It was almost in terms of -contempt that she expressed her grave doubts as to the -possibility of my being able to make a living in Zurich, but she -added that, inasmuch as she was my wife, she wished to give me -another chance. She also seemed to take it for granted that I -intended making Zurich only our temporary home, and that I would -do my utmost to promote my career as a composer of opera in -Paris. Whereupon she announced her intention of arriving at -Rorschach in Switzerland on a certain date in September of that -year, in the company of the little dog Peps, the parrot Papo, and -her so-called sister Nathalie. After having engaged two rooms for -our new home, I now prepared to set out on foot for St. Gall and -Rorschach through the lovely and celebrated Toggenburg and -Appenzell, and felt very touched after all when the peculiar -family, which consisted half of pet animals, landed at the -harbour of Rorschach. I must honestly confess that the little dog -and the bird made me very happy. My wife at once threw cold water -on my emotions, however, by declaring that in the event of my -behaving badly again she was ready to return to Dresden any -moment, and that she had numerous friends there, who would be -glad to protect and succour her if she were forced to carry out -her threat. Be this as it may, one look at her convinced me how -greatly she had aged in this short time, and how much I ought to -pity her, and this feeling succeeded in banishing all bitterness -from my heart. - -I did my utmost to give her confidence and to make her believe -that our present misfortunes were but momentary. This was no easy -task, as she would constantly compare the diminutive aspect of -the town of Zurich with the more noble majesty of Dresden, and -seemed to feel bitterly humiliated. The friends whom I introduced -to her found no favour in her eyes. She looked upon the Cantonal -Secretary, Sulzer, as a 'mere town clerk who would not be of any -importance in. Germany'; and the wife of my host Muller -absolutely disgusted her when, in answer to Minna's complaints -about my terrible position, she replied that my greatness lay in -the very fact of my having faced it. Then again Minna appeased me -by tolling me of the expected arrival of some of my Dresden -belongings, which she thought would be indispensable to our new -home. - -The property of which she spoke consisted of a Breitkopf and -Hartel grand-piano that looked better than it sounded, and of the -'title-page' of the Nibelungen by Cornelius in a Gothic frame -that used to hang over my desk in Dresden. - -With this nucleus of household effects we now decided to take -small lodgings in the so-called 'hinteren Escherhausern' in the -Zeltweg. With great cleverness Minna had succeeded in selling the -Dresden furniture to advantage, and out of the proceeds of this -sale she had brought three hundred marks with her to Zurich to -help towards setting up our new home. She told me that she had -saved my small but very select library for me by giving it into -the safe custody of the publisher, Heinrich Brockhaus (brother of -my sister's husband and member of the Saxon Diet), who had -insisted upon looking after it. Great, therefore, was her dismay -when, upon asking this kind friend to send her the books, he -replied that he was holding them as security for a debt of -fifteen hundred marks which I had contracted with him during my -days of trouble in Dresden, and that he intended to keep them -until that sum was returned. As even after the lapse of many -years I found it impossible to refund this money, these books, -collected for my own special wants, were lost to me for ever. - -Thanks more particularly to my friend Sulzer, the Cantonal -Secretary, whom my wife at first despised so much on account of -his title which she misunderstood, and who, although he was far -from well-off himself, thought it only natural that he should -help me, however moderately, out of my difficulties, we soon -succeeded in making our little place look so cosy that my simple -Zurich friends felt quite at home in it. My wife, with all her -undeniable talents, hero found ample scope in which to -distinguish herself, and I remember how ingeniously she made a -little what-not out of the box in which she had kindly brought my -music and manuscript to Zurich. - -But it was soon time to think of how to earn enough money to -provide for us all. My idea of giving public lectures was treated -with contempt by my wife, who looked upon it as an insult to her -pride. She could acquiesce only in one plan, that suggested by -Liszt, namely, that I should write an opera for Paris. To satisfy -her, and in view of the fact that I could see no chance of a -remunerative occupation close at hand, I actually reopened a -correspondence on this matter with my great friend and his -secretary Belloni in Paris. In the meantime I could not be idle, -so I accepted an invitation from the Zurich musical society to -conduct a classical composition at one of their concerts, and to -this end I worked with their very poor orchestra at Beethoven's -Symphony in A major. Although the result was successful, and I -received five napoleons for my trouble, it made my wife very -unhappy, for she could not forget the excellent orchestra, and -the much more appreciative public, which a short time before in -Dresden would have seconded and rewarded similar efforts on my -part. Her one and only ideal for me was that, by hook or by -crook, and with a total disregard of all artistic scruples, I -should make a brilliant reputation for myself in Paris. While we -were both absolutely at a loss to discover whence we should -obtain the necessary funds for our journey to Paris and our -sojourn there, I again plunged into my philosophical study of -art, as being the only sphere still left open to me. - -Harrassed by the cares of a terrible struggle for existence, I -wrote the whole of Das Kunstwerk der Zukunft in the chilly -atmosphere of a sunless little room on the ground floor during -the months of November and December of that year. Minna had no -objection to this occupation when I told her of the success of my -first pamphlet, and the hope I had of receiving even better pay -for this more extensive work. - -Thus for a while I enjoyed comparative peace, although in my -heart a spirit of unrest had begun to reign, thanks to my growing -acquaintance with Feuerbach's works. I had always had an -inclination to fathom the depths of philosophy, just as I had -been led by the mystic influence of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony to -search the deepest recesses of music. My first efforts at -satisfying this longing had failed. None of the Leipzig -professors had succeeded in fascinating me with their lectures on -fundamental philosophy and logic. I had procured Schelling's -work, Transcendental Idealism, recommended to me by Gustav -Schlesinger, a friend of Laube's, but it was in vain that I -racked my brains to try and make something out of the first -pages, and I always returned to my Ninth Symphony. - -During the latter part of my stay in Dresden I had returned to -these old studies, the longing for which suddenly revived within -me, and to these I added the deeper historical studies which had -always fascinated me. As an introduction to philosophy I now -chose Hegel's Philosophy of History. A good deal of this -impressed me deeply, and it now seemed as if I should ultimately -penetrate into the Holy of Holies along this path. The more -incomprehensible many of his speculative conclusions appeared, -the more I felt myself desirous of probing the question of the -'Absolute' and everything connected therewith to the core. For I -so admired Hegel's powerful mind that it seemed to me he was the -very keystone of all philosophical thought. - -The revolution intervened; the practical tendencies of a social -reconstruction distracted my attention, and as I have already -stated, it was a German Catholic priest and political agitator -(formerly a divinity student named Menzdorff, who used to wear a -Calabrian hat) [Footnote: A broad-rimmed, tall, white felt hat, -tapering to a point, originally worn by the inhabitants of -Calabria, and in 1848 a sign of Republicanism.--EDITOR.] who drew -my attention to 'the only real philosopher of modern times,' -Ludwig Feuerbach. My new Zurich friend, the piano teacher, -Wilhelm Baumgartner, made me a present of Feuerbach's book on Tod -und Unsterblichkeit ('Death and Immortality'). The well-known and -stirring lyrical style of the author greatly fascinated me as a -layman. The intricate questions which he propounds in this book -as if they were being discussed for the first time by him, and -which he treats in a charmingly exhaustive manner, had often -occupied my mind since the very first days of my acquaintance -with Lehrs in Paris, just as they occupy the mind of every -imaginative and serious man. With me, however, this was not -lasting, and I had contented myself with the poetic suggestions -on these important subjects which appear here and there in the -works of our great poets. - -The frankness with which Feuerbach explains his views on these -interesting questions, in the more mature parts of his book, -pleased me as much by their tragic as by their social-radical -tendencies. It seemed right that the only true immortality should -be that of sublime deeds and great works of art. It was more -difficult to sustain any interest in Das Wesen des Christenthums -('The Essence of Christianity') by the same author, for it was -impossible whilst reading this work not to become conscious, -however involuntarily, of the prolix and unskilful manner in -which he dilates on the simple and fundamental idea, namely, -religion explained from a purely subjective and psychological -point of view. Nevertheless, from that day onward I always -regarded Feuerbach as the ideal exponent of the radical release -of the individual from the thraldom of accepted notions, founded -on the belief in authority. The initiated will therefore not -wonder that I dedicated my Kunstwerk der Zukunft to Feuerbach and -addressed its preface to him. - -My friend Sulzer, a thorough disciple of Hegel, was very sorry to -see me so interested in Feuerbach, whom he did not even recognise -as a philosopher at all. He said that the best thing that -Feuerbach had done for me was that he had been the means of -awakening my ideas, although he himself had none. But what had -really induced me to attach so much importance to Feuerbach was -the conclusion by means of which he had seceded from his master -Hegel, to wit, that the best philosophy was to have no -philosophy--a theory which greatly simplified what I had formerly -considered a very terrifying study--and secondly, that only that -was real which could be ascertained by the senses. - -The fact that he proclaimed what we call 'spirit' to be an -aesthetic perception of our senses, together with his statement -concerning the futility of philosophy--these were the two things -in him which rendered me such useful assistance in my conceptions -of an all-embracing work of art, of a perfect drama which should -appeal to the simplest and most purely human emotions at the very -moment when it approached its fulfilment as Kunstwerk der -Zukunft. It must have been this which Sulzer had in his mind when -he spoke deprecatingly of Feuerbach's influence over me. At all -events, after a while I certainly could not return to his works, -and I remember that his newly published book, Uber das Wesen der -Religion ('Lectures on the Essence of Religion'), scared me to -such an extent by the dullness of its title alone, that when -Herwegh opened it for my benefit, I closed it with a bang under -his very nose. - -At that time I was working with great enthusiasm upon the draft -of a connected essay, and was delighted one day to receive a -visit from the novelist and Tieckian scholar, Eduard von Billow -(the father of my young friend Billow), who was passing through -Zurich. In my tiny little room I read him my chapter on poetry, -and could not help noticing that he was greatly startled at my -ideas on literary drama and on the advent of the new Shakespeare. -I thought this all the more reason why Wigand the publisher -should accept my new revolutionary book, and expected him to pay -me a fee which would be in proportion to the greater size of the -work. I asked for twenty louis d'or, and this sum he agreed to pay -me. - -The prospect of receiving this amount induced me to carry out the -plan, which need had forced upon me, of travelling to Paris and -of trying my luck there as a composer of opera. This plan had -very serious drawbacks; not only did I hate the idea, but I knew -that I was doing an injustice to myself by believing in the -success of my enterprise, for I felt that I could never seriously -throw myself into it heart and soul. Everything, however, -combined to make me try the experiment, and it was Liszt in -particular who, confident of this being my only way to fame, -insisted upon my reopening the negotiations into which Belloni -and I had entered during the previous summer. To show with what -earnestness I tried to consider the chances of carrying out my -plan, I drafted out the plot of the opera, which the French poet -would only have to put into verse, because I never for a moment -fancied that it would be possible for him to think out and write -a libretto for which I would only need to compose the music. I -chose for my subject the legend of Wieland der Schmied, upon -which I commented with some stress at the end of my recently -finished Kunstwerk der Zukunft, and the version of which by -Simrock, taken from the Wilkyna legend, had greatly attracted me. - -I sketched out the complete scenario with precise indication of -the dialogue for three acts, and with a heavy heart decided to -hand it over to my Parisian author to be worked out. Liszt -thought he saw a means of making my music known through his -relations with Seghers, the musical director of a society then -known as the 'Concerts de St. Cecile.' In January of the -following year the Tannhauser Overture was to be given under his -baton, and it therefore seemed advisable that I should reach -Paris some time before this event. This undertaking, which -appeared to be so difficult owing to my complete lack of funds, -was at last facilitated in a manner quite unexpected. - -I had written home for help, and had appealed to all the old -friends I could think of, but in vain. By the family of my -brother Albert in particular, whose daughter had recently entered -upon a brilliant theatrical career, I was treated in much the -same way as one treats an invalid by whom one dreads to become -infected. In contrast to their harshness I was deeply touched by -the devotion of the Ritter family, who had remained in Dresden; -for, apart from my acquaintance with young Karl, I scarcely knew -these people at all. Through the kindness of my old friend Heine, -who had been informed of my position, Frau Julie Ritter, the -venerable mother of the family, had thought it her duty to place, -through a business friend, the sum of fifteen hundred marks at my -disposal. At about the same time I received a letter from Mme. -Laussot, who had called upon me in Dresden the year before, and -who now in the most affecting terms assured me of her continued -sympathy. - -These were the first signs of that new phase in my life upon -which I entered from this day forth, and in which I accustomed -myself to look upon the outward circumstances of my existence as -being merely subservient to my will. And by this means I was able -to escape from the hampering narrowness of my home life. - -For the moment the proffered financial assistance was very -distasteful to me, for it seemed to forbid my raising any further -objections to the realisation of the detested Paris schemes. -When, however, on the strength of this favourable change in my -affairs, I suggested to my wife that we might, after all, content -ourselves with remaining in Zurich, she flew into the most -violent passion over my weakness and lack of spirit, and declared -that if I did not make up my mind to achieve something in Paris, -she would lose all faith in me. She said, moreover, that she -absolutely refused to be a witness of my misery and grief as a -wretched literary man and insignificant conductor of local -concerts in Zurich. - -We had entered upon the year 1850; I had decided to go to Paris, -if only for the sake of peace, but had to postpone my journey on -account of ill-health. The reaction following upon the terrible -excitement of recent times had not failed to have its effect on -my overwrought nerves, and a state of complete exhaustion had -followed. The continual colds, in spite of which I had been -obliged to work in my very unhealthy room, had at last given rise -to alarming symptoms. A certain weakness of the chest became -apparent, and this the doctor (a political refugee) undertook to -cure by the application of pitch plasters. As the result of this -treatment and the irritating effect it had upon my nerves, I lost -my voice completely for a while; whereupon I was told that I must -go away for a change. On going out to buy my ticket for the -journey, I felt so weak and broke out into such terrible -perspiration that I hastened to return to my wife in order to -consult her as to the advisability, in the circumstances, of -abandoning the idea of the expedition altogether. She, however, -maintained (and perhaps rightly) not only that my condition was -not dangerous, but that it was to a large extent due to -imagination, and that, once in the right place, I would soon -recover. - -An inexpressible feeling of bitterness stimulated my nerves as in -anger and despair I quickly left the house to buy the confounded -ticket for the journey, and in the beginning of February I -actually started on the road to Paris. I was filled with the most -extraordinary feelings, but the spark of hope which was then -kindled in my breast certainly had nothing whatever to do with -the belief that had been imposed upon me from without, that I was -to make a success in Paris as a composer of operas. - -I was particularly anxious to find quiet rooms, for peace had now -become my first necessity, no matter where I happened to be -staying. The cabman who drove me from street to street through -the most isolated quarters, and whom I at last accused of keeping -always to the most animated parts of the city, finally protested -in despair that one did not come to Paris to live in a convent. -At last it occurred to me to look for what I wanted in one of the -cites through which no vehicle seemed to drive, and I decided to -engage rooms in the Cite de Provence. - -True to the plans which had been forced upon me, I at once called -on Herr Seghers about the performance of the Tannhauser Overture. - -It turned out that in spite of my late arrival I had missed -nothing, for they were still racking their brains as to how to -procure the necessary orchestral parts. - -I therefore had to write to Liszt, asking him to order the -copies, and had to wait for their arrival. Belloni was not in -town, things were therefore at a standstill, and I had plenty of -time to think over the object of my visit to Paris, while an -unceasing accompaniment was poured out to my meditations by the -barrel-organs which infest the cites of Paris. - -I had much difficulty in convincing an agent of the government, -from whom I received a visit soon after my arrival, that my -presence in Paris was due to artistic reasons, and not to my -doubtful position as a political refugee. - -Fortunately he was impressed by the score, which I showed him, as -well as by Liszt's article on the Tannhauser Overture, written -the year before in the Journal des Debats, and he left me, -politely inviting me to continue my avocations peacefully and -industriously, as the police had no intention of disturbing me, - -I also looked up my older Parisian acquaintances. At the -hospitable house of Desplechins I met Semper, who was trying to -make his position as tolerable as possible by writing some -inferior artistic work. He had left his family in Dresden, from -which town we soon received the most alarming news. The prisons -were gradually filling there with the unfortunate victims of the -recent Saxon movement Of Rockel, Bakunin, and Heubner, all we -could hear was that they had been charged with high treason, and -that they were awaiting the death sentence. - -In view of the tidings which continually arrived concerning the -cruelty and brutality with which the soldiers treated the -prisoners, we could not help considering our own lot a very happy -one. - -My intercourse with Semper, whom I saw frequently, was generally -enlivened by a gaiety which was occasionally of rather a risky -nature; he was determined to rejoin his family in London, where -the prospect of various appointments was open to him. My latest -attempts at writing, and the thoughts expressed in my work, -interested him greatly, and gave rise to animated conversations -in which we were joined by Kietz, who was at first amusing, but -evidently boring Semper considerably. I found the former in the -identical position in which I had left him many years ago: he had -made no headway with his painting, and would have been glad if -the revolution had taken a more decided turn, so that, under -cover of the general confusion, he might have escaped from his -embarrassing position with his landlord. He made at this time -quite a good pastel portrait of me in his very best and earliest -style. While I was sitting I unfortunately spoke to him about my -Das Kunstwerk der Zukunft, and thereby laid the foundation for -him of troubles that lasted many years, as he tried to instil my -new ideas into the Parisian bourgeoisie at whose tables he had -hitherto been a welcome guest. Notwithstanding, he remained as of -old a good, obliging, true-hearted fellow, and even Semper could -not help putting up with him cheerfully. I also looked up my -friend Anders. It was a difficult matter to find him at any hour -of the day, since out of sleeping hours he was closeted in the -library, where he could receive no one, and afterwards retired to -the reading-room to spend his hours of rest, and generally went -to dine with certain bourgeois families where he gave music -lessons. He had aged considerably, but I was glad to find him, -comparatively speaking, in better health than the state in which -I had last seen him had allowed me to hope, as when I left Paris -before he had seemed to be in a decline. Curiously enough, a -broken leg had been the means of improving his health, the -treatment necessary for it having taken him to a hydro, where his -condition had much improved. His one idea was to see me achieve a -great success in Paris, and he wished to secure a seat in advance -for the first performance of my opera, which he took for granted -was to appear, and kept repeating that it would be so very trying -for him to occupy a place in any part of the theatre where there -would be likely to be a crush. He could not see the use of my -present literary work; in spite of this I was again engaged on it -exclusively, as I soon ascertained there was no likelihood of my -overture to Tannhauser being produced. Liszt had shown the -greatest zeal in obtaining and forwarding the orchestral parts; -but Herr Seghers informed me that as far as his own orchestra was -concerned, he found himself in a republican democracy where each -instrument had an equal right to voice its opinion, and it had -been unanimously decided that for the remainder of the winter -season, which was now drawing to a close, my overture could be -dispensed with. I gathered enough from this turn of affairs to -realise how precarious my position was. - -It is true, the result of my writings was hardly less -discouraging. A copy of the Wigand edition of my Kunstwerk der -Zukunft was forwarded to me full of horrible misprints, and -instead of the expected remuneration of twenty louis d'or, my -publisher explained that for the present he could only pay me -half this sum, as, owing to the fact that at first the sale of -the Kunst und Revolution had been very rapid, he had been led to -attach too high a commercial value to my writings, a mistake he -had speedily discovered when he found there was no demand for Die -Nibelungen. - -On the other hand, I received an offer of remunerative work from -Adolph Kolatschek, who was also a fugitive, and was just going to -bring out a German monthly journal as the organ of the -progressive party. In response to this invitation I wrote a long -essay on Kunst und Klima ('Art and Climate'), in which I -supplemented the ideas I had already touched upon in my Kunstwerk -der Zukunft. Besides this I had, since my arrival in Paris, -worked out a more complete sketch of Wieland der Schmied. It is -true that this work had no longer any value, and I wondered with -apprehension what I could write home to my wife, now that the -last precious remittance had been so aimlessly sacrificed. The -thought of returning to Zurich was as distasteful to me as the -prospect of remaining any longer in Paris. My feelings with -regard to the latter alternative were intensified by the -impression made upon me by Meyerbeer's opera The Prophet, which -had just been produced and which I had not heard before. Rearing -itself on the ruins of the hopes for new and more noble endeavour -which had animated the better works of the past year--the only -result of the negotiations of the provisional French republic for -the encouragement of art--I saw this work of Meyerbeer's break -upon the world like the dawn heralding this day of disgraceful -desolation. I was so sickened by this performance, that though I -was unfortunately placed in the centre of the stalls and would -willingly have avoided the disturbance necessarily occasioned by -one of the audience moving during the middle of an act, even this -consideration did not deter me from getting up and leaving the -house. When the famous mother of the prophet finally gives vent -to her grief in the well-known series of ridiculous roulades, I -was filled with rage and despair at the thought that I should be -called upon to listen to such a thing, and never again did I pay -the slightest heed to this opera. - -But what was I to do next? Just as the South American republics -had attracted me during my first miserable sojourn in Paris, so -now my longing was directed towards the East, where I could live -my life in a manner worthy of a human being far away from this -modern world. While I was in this frame of mind I was called -upon to answer another inquiry as to my state of health from Mme. -Laussot in Bordeaux. It turned out that my answer prompted her to -send me a kind and pressing invitation to go and stay at her -house, at least for a short time, to rest and forget my troubles. -In any circumstances an excursion to more southerly regions, -which I had not yet seen, and a visit to people who, though utter -strangers, showed such friendly interest in me, could not fail to -prove attractive and flattering. I accepted, settled my affairs -in Paris, and went by coach via Orleans, Tours, and Angouleme, -down the Gironde to the unknown town, where I was received with -great courtesy and cordiality by the young wine merchant Eugene -Laussot, and presented to my sympathetic young friend, his wife. -A closer acquaintance with the family, in which Mrs. Taylor, Mme. -Laussot's mother, was now also included, led to a clearer -understanding of the character of the sympathy bestowed upon me -in such a cordial and unexpected manner by people hitherto -unknown to me. Jessie, as the young wife was called at home, had, -during a somewhat lengthy stay in Dresden, become very intimate -with the Ritter family, and I had no reason to doubt the -assurance given me, that the Laussots' interest in me and my work -was principally owing to this intimacy. After my flight from -Dresden, as soon as the news of my difficulties had reached the -Ritters, a correspondence had been carried on between Dresden and -Bordeaux with a view to ascertaining how best to assist me. -Jessie attributed the whole idea to Frau Julie Ritter who, while -not being well enough off herself to make me a sufficient -allowance, was endeavouring to come to an understanding with -Jessie's mother, the well-to-do widow of an English lawyer, whose -income entirely supported the young couple in Bordeaux. This plan -had so far succeeded, that shortly after my arrival in Bordeaux -Mrs. Taylor informed me that the two families had combined, and -that it had been decided to ask me to accept the help of three -thousand francs a year until the return of better days. My one -object now was to enlighten my benefactors as to the exact -conditions under which I should be accepting such assistance. I -could no longer reckon upon achieving any success as a composer -of opera either in Paris or elsewhere; what line I should take up -instead I did not know; but, at all events, I was determined to -keep myself free from the disgrace which would reflect upon my -whole life if I used such means as this offer presented to secure -success. I feel sure I am not wrong in believing that Jessie was -the only one who understood me, and though I only experienced -kindness from the rest of the family, I soon discovered the gulf -by which she, as well as myself, was separated from her mother -and husband. While the husband, who was a handsome young man, was -away the greater part of the day attending to his business, and -the mother's deafness excluded her to a great extent from our -conversations, we soon discovered by a rapid exchange of ideas -that we shared the same opinions on many important matters, and -this led to a great feeling of friendship between us. Jessie, who -was at that time about twenty-two, bore little resemblance to her -mother, and no doubt took after her father, of whom I heard most -flattering accounts. A large and varied collection of books loft -by this man to his daughter showed his tastes, for besides -carrying on his lucrative profession as a lawyer, he had devoted -himself to the study of literature and science. From him Jessie -had also learned German as a child, and she spoke that language -with great fluency. She had been brought up on Grimm's fairy- -tales, and was, moreover, thoroughly acquainted with German -poetry, as well as with that of England and France, and her -knowledge of them was as thorough as the most advanced education -could demand. French literature did not appeal to her much. Her -quick powers of comprehension were astonishing. Everything which -I touched upon she immediately grasped and assimilated. It was -the same with music: she read at sight with the greatest -facility, and was an accomplished player. During her stay in -Dresden she had been told that I was still in search of the -pianist who could play Beethoven's great Sonata in B flat major, -and she now astonished me by her finished rendering of this most -difficult piece. The emotion aroused in me by finding such an -exceptionally developed talent suddenly changed to anxiety when I -heard her sing. Her sharp, shrill voice, in which there was -strength but no real depth of feeling, so shocked me that I could -not refrain from begging her to desist from singing in future. -With regard to the execution of the sonata, she listened eagerly -to my instructions as to how it should be interpreted, though I -could not feel that she would succeed in rendering it according -to my ideas. I read her my latest essays, and she seemed to -understand even the most extraordinary descriptions perfectly. My -poem on Siegfried's Tod moved her deeply, but she preferred my -sketch of Wieland der Schmied. She admitted afterwards that she -would prefer to imagine herself filling the role of Wieland's -worthy bride than to find herself in the position and forced to -endure the fate of Gutrune in Siegfried. It followed inevitably -that the presence of the other members of the family proved -embarrassing when we wanted to talk over and discuss these -various subjects. If we felt somewhat troubled at having to -confess to ourselves that Mrs. Taylor would certainly never be -able to understand why I was being offered assistance, I was -still more disconcerted at realising after a time the complete -want of harmony between the young couple, particularly from an -intellectual point of view. The fact that Laussot had for some -time been well aware of his wife's dislike for him was plainly -shown when he one day so far forgot himself as to complain loudly -and bitterly that she would not even love a child of his if she -had one, and that he therefore thought it fortunate that she was -not a mother. Astonished and saddened, I suddenly gazed into an -abyss which was hidden here, as is often the case, under the -appearance of a tolerably happy married life. About this time, -and just as my visit, which had already lasted three weeks, was -drawing to a close, I received a letter from my wife that could -not have had a more unfortunate effect on my state of mind. She -was, on the whole, pleased at my having found new friends, but at -the same time explained that if I did not immediately return to -Paris, and there endeavour to secure the production of my -overture with the results anticipated, she would not know what to -think of me, and would certainly fail to understand me if I -returned to Zurich without having effected my purpose. At the -same time my depression was intensified in a terrible way by a -notice in the papers announcing that Rockel, Bakunin, and Heubner -had been sentenced to death, and that the date of their execution -was fixed. I wrote a short but stirring letter of farewell to the -two first, and as I saw no possibility of having it conveyed to -the prisoners, who were confined in the fortress of Konigstein, I -decided to send it to Frau von Luttichau, to be forwarded to them -by her, because I thought she was the only person in whose power -it might lie to do this for me, while at the same time she had -sufficient generosity and independence of mind to enable her to -respect and carry out my wishes, in spite of any possible -difference of opinion she might entertain. I was told some time -afterwards that Luttichau had got hold of the letter and thrown -it into the fire. For the time being this painful impression -helped me to the determination to break with every one and -everything, to lose all desire to learn more of life or of art, -and, even at the risk of having to endure the greatest -privations, to trust to chance and put myself beyond the reach of -everybody. The small income settled upon me by my friends I -wished to divide between myself and my wife, and with my half go -to Greece or Asia Minor, and there, Heaven alone knew how, seek -to forget and be forgotten. I communicated this plan to the only -confidante I had left to me, chiefly in order that she might be -able to enlighten my benefactors as to how I intended disposing -of the income they had offered me. She seemed pleased with the -idea, and the resolve to abandon herself to the same fate seemed -to her also, in her resentment against her position, to be quite -an easy matter. She expressed us much by hints and a word dropped -here and there. Without clearly realising what it would lead to, -and without coming to any understanding with her, I left Bordeaux -towards the end of April, more excited than soothed in spirit, -and filled with regret and anxiety. I returned to Paris, for the -time being, stunned and full of uncertainty as to what to do -next. Feeling very unwell, exhausted, and at the same time -excited from want of sleep, I reached my destination and put up -at the Hotel Valois, where I remained a week, struggling to gain -my self-control and to face my strange position. Even if I had -wished to resume the plans which had been instrumental in -bringing me to Paris, I soon convinced myself that little or -nothing could be done. I was filled with distress and anger at -being called upon to waste my energies in a direction contrary to -my tastes, merely to satisfy the unreasonable demands made upon -me. I was at length obliged to answer my wife's last pressing -communication, and wrote her a long and detailed letter in which -I kindly, but at the same time frankly, retraced the whole of our -life together, and explained that I was fully determined to set -her free from any immediate participation in my fate, as I felt -quite incapable of so arranging it so as to meet with her -approval. I promised her the half of whatever means I should have -at my disposal now or in the future, and told her she must accept -this arrangement with a good grace, because the occasion had now -arisen to take that step of parting from me which, on our first -meeting again in Switzerland, she had declared herself ready to -do. I ended my letter without bidding her a final farewell. I -thereupon wrote to Bordeaux immediately to inform Jessie of the -step I had taken, though my means did not as yet allow of my -forming any definite plan which I could communicate to her for my -complete flight from the world. In return she announced that she -was determined to do likewise, and asked for my protection, under -which she intended to place herself when once she had set herself -free. Much alarmed, I did all in my power to make her realise -that it was one thing for a man, placed in such a desperate -situation as myself, to cut himself adrift in the face of -insurmountable difficulties, but quite another matter for a young -woman, at least to all outward appearances, happily settled, to -decide to break up her home, for reasons which probably no one -except myself would be in a position to understand. Regarding the -unconventionality of her resolve in the eyes of the world, she -assured me that it would be carried out as quietly as possible, -and that for the present she merely thought of arranging to visit -her friends the Ritters in Dresden. I felt so upset by all this -that I yielded to my craving for retirement, and sought it at no -great distance from Paris. Towards the middle of April I went to -Montmorency, of which I had heard many agreeable accounts, and -there sought a modest hiding-place. With great difficulty I -dragged myself to the outskirts of the little town, where the -country still bore a wintry aspect, and turned into the little -strip of garden belonging to a wine merchant, which was filled -with visitors only on Sundays, and there refreshed myself with -some bread and cheese and a bottle of wine. A crowd of hens -surrounded me, and I kept throwing them pieces of bread, and was -touched by the self-sacrificing abstemiousness with which the -cock gave all to his wives though I aimed particularly at him. -They became bolder and bolder, and finally flew on to the table -and attacked my provisions; the cock flew after them, and -noticing that everything was topsy-turvy, pounced upon the cheese -with the eagerness of a craving long unsatisfied. When I found -myself being driven from the table by this chaos of fluttering -wings, I was filled with a gaiety to which I had long been a -stranger. I laughed heartily, and looked round for the signboard -of the inn. I thereby discovered that my host rejoiced in the -name of Homo. This seemed a hint from Fate, and I felt I must -seek shelter here at all costs. An extraordinarily small and -narrow bedroom was shown me, which I immediately engaged. Besides -the bed it held a rough table and two cane-bottomed chairs. I -arranged one of these as a washhand-stand, and on the table I -placed some books, writing materials, and the score of Lohengrin, -and almost heaved a sigh of content in spite of my extremely -cramped accommodation. Though the weather remained uncertain and -the woods with their leafless trees did not seem to offer the -prospect of very enticing walks, I still felt that here there was -a possibility of my being forgotten, and being also in my turn -allowed to forget the events that had lately filled me with Midi -desperate anxiety. My old artistic instinct awoke again. I looked -over my Lohengrin score, and quickly decided to send it to Liszt -and leave it to him to bring it out as best he could. Now that I -had got rid of this score also, I felt as free as a bird and as -careless as Diogenes about what might befall me. I even invited -Kietz to come and stay with me and share the pleasures of my -retreat. He did actually come, as he had done during my stay in. -Mendon; but he found me even more modestly installed than I had -been there. He was quite prepared to take pot-luck, however, and -cheerfully slept on an improvised bed, promising to keep the -world in touch with me upon his return to Paris. I was suddenly -startled from my state of complacency by the news that my wife -had come to Paris to look me up. I had an hour's painful struggle -with myself to settle the course I should pursue, and decided not -to allow the step I had taken in regard to her to be looked upon -as an ill-considered and excusable vagary. I left Montmorency and -betook myself to Paris, summoned Kietz to my hotel, and -instructed him to tell my wife, who had already been trying to -gain admittance to him, that he knew nothing more of me except -that I had left Paris. The poor fellow, who felt as much pity for -Minna as for me, was so utterly bewildered on this occasion, that -he declared that he felt as though he were the axis upon which -all the misery in the world turned. But he apparently realised -the significance and importance of my decision, as it was -necessary he should, and acquitted himself in this delicate -matter with intelligence and good feeling. That night t left -Paris by train for Clermont-Tonnerre, from whence I travelled on -to Geneva, there to await news from Frau Ritter in Dresden. My -exhaustion was such that, even had I possessed the necessary -means, I could not as yet have contemplated undergoing the -fatigue of a long journey. By way of gaining time for further -developments I retired to Villeneuve, at the other end of the -Lake of Geneva, where I put up at the Hotel Byron, which was -quite empty at the time. Here I learned that Karl Ritter had -arrived in Zurich, as he said he would, with the intention of -paying me a visit. Impressing upon him the necessity for the -strictest secrecy, I invited him to join me at the Lake of -Geneva, and in the second week in May we met at the Hotel Byron. -The characteristic which pleased me in him was his absolute -devotion, his quick comprehension of my position and the -necessity of my resolutions, as well as his readiness to submit -without question to all my arrangements, even where he himself -was concerned. He was full of my latest literary efforts, told me -what an impression they had made on his acquaintances, and -thereby induced me to spend the few days of rest I was enjoying -in preparing my poem of Siegfried's Tod for publication. - -I wrote a short preface dedicating this poem to my friends as a -relic of the time when I had hoped to devote myself entirely to -art, and especially to the composition of music. I sent this -manuscript to Herr Wigand in Leipzig, who returned it to me after -some time with the remark, that if I insisted on its being -printed in Latin characters he would not be able to sell a single -copy of it. Later on I discovered that he deliberately refused to -pay me the ten louis d'or due to me for Das Kunstwerk der -Zukunft, which I had directed him to send to my wife. -Disappointing as all this was, I was nevertheless unable to -engage in any further work, as only a few days after Karl's -arrival the realities of life made themselves felt in an -unexpected manner, most upsetting to my tranquillity of mind. I -received a wildly excited letter from Mme. Laussot to tell me -that she had not been able to resist telling her mother of her -intentions, that in so doing she had immediately aroused the -suspicion that I was to blame, and in consequence of this her -disclosure had been communicated to M. Laussot, who vowed he -would search everywhere for me in order to put a bullet through -my body. The situation was clear enough, and I decided to go to -Bordeaux immediately in order to come to an understanding with my -opponent I at once wrote fully to M. Eugene, endeavouring to make -him see matters in their true light, but at the same time -declared myself incapable of understanding how a man could bring -himself to keep a woman with him by force, when she no longer -wished to remain. I ended by informing him that I should reach -Bordeaux at, the same time as my letter, and immediately upon my -arrival there would let him know at what hotel to find me; also -that I would not tell his wife of the step I was taking, and that -he could consequently act without restraint. I did not conceal -from him, what indeed was the fact, that I was undertaking this -journey under great difficulties, as under the circumstances I -considered it impossible to wait to have my passport endorsed by -the French envoy. At the same time I wrote a few lines to Mme. -Laussot, exhorting her to be calm and self-possessed, but, true -to my purpose, refrained from even hinting at any movement on my -part. (When, years afterwards, I told Liszt this story, he -declared I had acted very stupidly in not, telling Mme. Laussot -of my intentions.) I took leave of Karl the same day, in order to -set out next morning from Geneva on my tedious journey across -France. But I was so exhausted by all this that I could not help -thinking I was going to die. That same night I wrote to Frau -Ritter in Dresden, to this effect, giving her a short account of -the incredible difficulties I had been drawn into. As a matter of -fact, I suffered great inconvenience at the French frontier on -account of my passport; I was made to give my exact place of -destination, and it was only upon my assuring them that pressing -family affairs required my immediate presence, that the -authorities showed exceptional leniency and allowed me to -proceed. - -I travelled by Lyons through Auvergne by stage-coach for three -days and two nights, till at length I reached Bordeaux. It was -the middle of May, and as I surveyed the town from a height at -early dawn I saw it lit up by a fire that had broken out. I -alighted at the Hotel Quatre Soeurs, and at once sent a note to -M. Laussot, informing him that I held myself at his disposal and -would remain in all day to receive him. It was nine o'clock in -the morning when I sent him this message. I waited in vain for an -answer, till at last, late in the afternoon, I received a summons -from the police-station to present myself immediately. There I -was first of all asked whether my passport was in order. I -acknowledged the difficulty I found myself in with regard to it, -and explained that family matters had necessitated my placing -myself in this position. - -I was thereupon informed that precisely this family matter, which -had no doubt brought me there, was the cause of their having to -deny me the permission to remain in Bordeaux any longer. In -answer to my question, they did not conceal the fact that these -proceedings against me were being carried out at the express wish -of the family concerned. This extraordinary revelation -immediately restored my good-humour. I asked the police inspector -whether, after such a trying journey, I might not be allowed a -couple of days' rest before returning; this request he readily -granted, and told me that in any case there could be no chance of -my meeting the family in question, as they had left Bordeaux at -mid-day. I used these two days to recover from my fatigue, and -also wrote a letter to Jessie, in which I told her exactly what -had taken place, without concealing my contempt at the behaviour -of her husband, who could expose his wife's honour by a -denunciation to the police. I also added that our friendship -could certainly not continue until she had released herself from -so humiliating a position. The next thing was to get this letter -safely delivered. The information furnished me by the police -officials was not sufficient to enlighten me as to what had -exactly taken place in the Laussot family, whether they had left -home for some length of time or merely for a day, so I simply -made up my mind to go to their house. I rang the bell and the -door sprang open; without meeting any one I walked up to the -first-floor flat, the door of which stood open, and went from -room to room till I reached Jessie's boudoir, where I placed my -letter in her work-basket and returned the way I had come. I -received no reply, and set out upon my return journey as soon as -the term of rest granted me had expired. The fine May weather had -a cheering effect upon me, and the clear water, as well as the -agreeable name of the Dordogne, along whose banks the post-chaise -travelled for some distance, gave me great pleasure. - -I was also entertained by the conversation of two fellow- -travellers, a priest and an officer, about the necessity of -putting an end to the French Republic. The priest showed himself -much more humane and broad-minded than his military interlocutor, -who could only repeat the one refrain, 'Il faut en finir.' I now -had a look at Lyons, and in a walk round the town tried to recall -the scenes in Lamartine's Histoire des Girondins, where he so -vividly describes the siege and surrender of the town during the -period of the Convention Nationale. At last I arrived at Geneva, -and returned to the Byron hotel, where Karl Hitter was awaiting -me. During my absence he had heard from his family, who wrote -very kindly concerning me. His mother had at once reassured him -as to my condition, and pointed out that with people suffering -from nervous disorders the idea of approaching death was a -frequent symptom, and that there was consequently no occasion to -feel anxious about me. She also announced her intention of coming -to visit us in Villeneuve with her daughter Emilie in a few days' -time. This news made me take heart again; this devoted family, so -solicitous for my welfare, seemed sent by Providence to lead me, -as I so longed to be led, to a new life. Both ladies arrived in -time to celebrate my thirty-seventh birthday on the twenty-second -of May. The mother, Frau Julie, particularly made a deep -impression upon me. I had only met her once before in Dresden, -when Karl had invited me to be present at the performance of a -quartette of his own composition, given at his mother's house. On -this occasion the respect and devotion shown me by each member of -the family had delighted me. The mother had hardly spoken to me, -but when I was leaving she was moved to tears as she thanked me -for my visit. I was unable to understand her emotion at the time, -but now when I reminded her of it she was surprised, and -explained that she had felt so touched at my unexpected kindness -to her son. - -She and her daughter remained with us about a week. We sought -diversion in excursions to the beautiful Valais, but did not -succeed in dispelling Frau Hitter's sadness of heart, caused by -the knowledge of recent events of which she had now been -informed, as well as by her anxiety at the course my life was -taking. As I afterwards learned, it had cost the nervous, -delicate woman a great effort to undertake this journey, and when -I urged her to leave her house to come and settle in Switzerland -with her family, so that we might all be united, she at last -pointed out to me that in proposing what seemed to her such an -eccentric undertaking, I was counting upon a strength and energy -she no longer possessed. For the present she commended her son, -whom she wished to leave with me, to my care, and gave me the -necessary means to keep us both for the time being. Regarding the -state of her fortune, she told me that her income was limited, -and now that it was impossible to accept any help from the -Laussots, she did not know how she would be able to come to my -assistance sufficiently to assure my independence. Deeply moved, -we took leave of this venerable woman at the end of a week, and -she returned to Dresden with her daughter, and I never saw her -again. - -Still bent upon discovering a means of disappearing from the -world, I thought of choosing a wild mountain spot where I could -retire with Karl. For this purpose we sought the lonely Visper -Thal in the canton Valais, and not without difficulty made our -way along the impracticable roads to Zermatt. There, at the foot -of the colossal and beautiful Matterhorn, we could indeed -consider ourselves cut off from the outer world. I tried to make -things as comfortable as I could in this primitive wilderness, -but discovered only too soon that Karl could not reconcile -himself to his surroundings. Even on the second day he owned that -he thought it horrid, and suggested that it would be more -pleasant in the neighbourhood of one of the lakes. We studied the -map of Switzerland, and chose Thun for our next destination. -Unfortunately I again found myself reduced to a state of extreme -nervous fatigue, in which the slightest effort produced a profuse -and weakening perspiration. Only by the greatest strength of will -was I able to make my way out of the valley; but at last we -reached Thun, and with renewed courage engaged a couple of modest -but cheerful rooms looking out on to the road, and proposed to -wait and see how we should like it. In spite of the reserve which -still betrayed his shyness of character, I found conversation -with my young friend always pleasant and enlivening. I now -realised the pitch of fluent and overflowing vivacity to which -the young man could attain, particularly at night before retiring -to rest, when he would squat down beside my bed, and in the -agreeable, pure dialect of the German Baltic provinces, give free -expression to whatever had excited his interest. I was -exceedingly cheered during these days by the perusal of the -Odyssey, which I had not read for so long and which had fallen -into my hands by chance. Homer's long-suffering hero, always -homesick yet condemned to perpetual wandering, and always -valiantly overcoming all difficulties, was strangely sympathetic -to me. Suddenly the peaceful state I had scarcely yet entered -upon was disturbed by a letter which Karl received from Mme. -Laussot. He did not know whether he ought to show it to me, as he -thought Jessie had gone mad. I tore it out of his hand, and found -she had written to say that she felt obliged to let my friend -know that she had been sufficiently enlightened about me to make -her drop my acquaintance entirely. I afterwards discovered, -chiefly through the help of Frau Ritter, that in consequence of -my letter and my arrival in Bordeaux, M. Laussot, together with -Mrs. Taylor, had immediately taken Jessie to the country, -intending to remain there until the news was received of my -departure, to accelerate which he had applied to the police -authorities. While they were away, and without telling her of my -letter and my journey, they had obtained a promise from the young -woman to remain quiet for a year, give up her visit to Dresden, -and, above all, to drop all correspondence with me; since, under -these conditions, she was promised her entire freedom at the end -of that time, she had thought it better to give her word. Not -content with this, however, the two conspirators had immediately -set about calumniating me on all sides, and finally to Mme. -Laussot herself, saying that I was the initiator of this plan of -elopement. Mrs. Taylor had written to my wife complaining of my -intention to commit adultery, at the same time expressing her -pity for her and offering her support; the unfortunate Minna, who -now thought she had found a hitherto unsuspected reason for my -resolve to remain separated from her, wrote back complaining of -me to Mrs. Taylor. The meaning of an innocent remark I had once -made had been strangely misinterpreted, and matters wore now -aggravated by making it appear as though I had intentionally -lied. In the course of playful conversation Jessie had once told -me that she belonged to no recognised form of religion, her -father Having teen a member of a certain sect which did not -baptise either according to the Protestant or the Roman Catholic -ritual; whereupon I had comforted her by assuring her that I had -come in contact with much more questionable sects, as shortly -after my marriage in Konigsberg I had learned that it had been -solemnised by a hypocrite. God alone knows in what form this had -been repeated to the worthy British matron, but, at all events, -she told my wife that I had said I was 'not legally married to -her.' In any case, my wife's answer to this had no doubt -furnished further material with which to poison Jessie's mind -against me, and this letter to my young friend was the result. I -must admit that, seen by this light, the circumstance at which I -felt most indignant was the way my wife had been treated, and -while I was perfectly indifferent as to what the rest of the -party thought of me, I immediately accepted Karl's offer to go to -Zurich and see her, so as to give her the explanation necessary -to her peace of mind. While awaiting his return, I received a -letter from Liszt, telling me of the deep impression made upon -him by my Lohengrin score, which had caused him to make up his -mind as to the future in store for me. He at the same time -announced that, as I had given him the permission to do so, he -intended doing all in his power to bring about the production of -my opera at the forthcoming Herder festival in Weimar. About this -time I also heard from Frau Ritter, who, in consequence of events -of which she was well aware, thought herself called upon to beg -me not to take the matter too much to heart. At this moment Karl -also returned from Zurich, and spoke with great warmth of my -wife's attitude. Not having found me in Paris, she had pulled -herself together with remarkable energy, and in pursuance of an -earlier wish of mine, had rented a house on the lake of Zurich, -installed herself comfortably, and remained there in the hope of -at last hearing from me again. Besides this, he had much to tell -me of Sulzer's good sense and friendliness, the latter having -stood by, my wife and shown her great sympathy. In the midst of -his narrative Karl suddenly exclaimed, 'Ah! these could be -called sensible people; but with such a mad Englishwoman nothing -could be done.' To all this I said not a word, but finally with a -smile asked him whether he would like to go over to Zurich? He -sprang up exclaiming, 'Yes, and as soon as possible.' 'You shall -have your way,' said I; 'let us pack. I can see no sense in -anything either here or there.' Without breathing another -syllable about all that had happened, we left the next day for -Zurich. - - - - - -*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, MY LIFE, VOLUME I*** - - - - - -This file should be named wglf110.txt or wglf110.zip -Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks get a new NUMBER, wglf111.txt -VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, wglf110a.txt - -Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed -editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US -unless a copyright notice is included. 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