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diff --git a/old/51478.txt b/old/51478.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 4d0cbb0..0000000 --- a/old/51478.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1005 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Dumbwaiter, by James Stamers - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: Dumbwaiter - -Author: James Stamers - -Release Date: March 16, 2016 [EBook #51478] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DUMBWAITER *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - - - - - Dumbwaiter - - By JAMES STAMERS - - Illustrated by DILLON - - [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from - Galaxy Magazine February 1960. - Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that - the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.] - - - - - Antimony IX divers can't be seen, of course ... but don't - have anything in mind when one of them is around you! - - -The man ahead of me had a dragon in his baggage. So the Lamavic boys -confiscated it. Lamavic--Livestock, Animal, Mineral and Vegetable, -International Customs--does not like to find dragons curled up in a -thermos. And since this antipathy was a two-way exchange, the Lamavic -inspectors at Philadelphia International were singed and heated all -ways by the time they got to me. I knew them well. - -"Mr. Sol Jones?" - -"That's right," I said, watching the would-be dragon smuggler being -marched away. A very amateur job. I could have told him. There are only -two ways to smuggle a dragon nowadays. - -"Any livestock to declare, Mr. Jones?" - -"I have no livestock on my person or in my baggage, nor am I -accompanied by any material prohibited article," I said carefully, for -I saw they were recording. - -The little pink, bald inspector with a charred collar looked at his -colleague. - -"Anything known?" - -His colleague looked down at me from six feet of splendid physique, -smiled unpleasantly, and flipped the big black record book. - -"'Sol Jones,'" he read, "'Lamavic four-star offender. Galactic -registration: six to tenth power: 763918. Five foot ten inches, Earth -scale. Blue eyes, hair variable and usually nondescript brown, ear -lobes and cranial....' You're not disputing identity, Mr. Jones?" - -"Oh, no. That's me." - -"I see. 'Irrevocable Galactic citizenship for services to family -of Supreme President Xgol in matter of asteroid fungus, subsequent -Senatorial amnesty confirmed, previous sentences therefore omitted. -Lamavic offenses thereafter include no indictable evidence but total -twenty-four minor fines for introducing prohibited livestock onto -various planets. Suspected complicity in Lamavic cases One through -Seventy-six as follows: mobile sands, crystal thinkers, recording -turtle, operatic fish, giant mastodon.' Mr. Jones, you seem to have -given us trouble before." - -"Before what?" - -"Before this--er--" - -"That," I said, "is an Unconstitutional remark. I am giving no trouble. -I have made a full declaration. I demand the rights of a Galactic -citizen." - -He apologized, as he had to. This merely made both inspectors angry, -but they were going to search me anyway. I knew that. Certainly I am a -smuggler, and I had in fact a little present for my girl Florence--a -wedding present, I hoped--but they would never find it. This time I -really had them fooled, and I intended to extract maximum pleasure from -watching their labors. - - * * * * * - -I saw the Lamavic records once. The next leading offender has only -two stars and he's out on Ceres in the penal colony. My four stars -denote that I disapprove of all these rules prohibiting the carrying -of livestock from one planet to another. Other people extend the -Galactic Empire; I extend my Galactic credit. You want an amusing -extraterrestrial pet to while away the two-hour work week, I can -provide one. Of course, this pet business was overdone in the early -days when any space-hopper could bring little foreign monsters back to -the wife and kiddies. Any weird thing could come in and did. - -"You are aware, Mr. Jones, that you have declared that you are not -trying to bring in any prohibited life-form, whether animal, mineral, -vegetable, or any or all of these?" - -"I am," I said. - -"You are further aware of the penalties for a false declaration?" - -"In my case, I believe I could count on thirty years' invigorating work -on a penal planet." - -"You could, Mr. Jones. You certainly could." - -"Well, I've made my declaration." - -"Will you step this way?" - -Very polite in Philadelphia Spaceport. I followed the inspectors into -the screening cubicles. There was a nasty looking device in the corner. - -"I thought those things were illegal," I said. - -"Unfortunately, Mr. Jones, you are, as you know, quite right. We may -not employ a telepath instrument on any unconvicted person." - -They looked sorry, but I wasn't. A telepath would have told them -immediately where I had Florence's pet, and all about it. I smiled at -them. They paid no attention, took my passport and began turning up the -Lamavic manual on Antimony IX, Livestock of, Prohibited Forms. I had -just come from there and so had Florence's little diver, which I had -brought as a happy surprise. I sat down. The two inspectors looked as -if they were going to say something, then continued flipping pages of -their manual. - -"Here it is--Antimony IX." - -One of them read out the prohibitions and the other tried to watch me -and the reflex counter behind me at the same time--a crude instrument -which should be used, in my professional view, only to determine a -person's capacities for playing poker with success. - -"Ants-water, babblers, bunces, candelabra plants, catchem-fellers, -Cythia Majoris, divers, dunces, dimple-images, drakes, dunking dogs, -dogs-savage, dogs-water, dogs-not-otherwise-provided-for, unspec., -elephants-miniature, fish-any...." - -They went on. Antimony IX is teeming with life and almost every -specimen is prohibited on other planets. We had passed the divers, -anyway. I smiled and gave the reflex counter a strong jerk just as the -smaller inspector was saying "Mammoths." They looked at me in silence. - -"Funny man," one said, and they went on reading. - -"Okay," the large inspector said at last. "We'll examine him for -everything." - - * * * * * - -For the next three hours, they took blood specimens to see if I had -microscopic livestock hidden there, they X-rayed me and my baggage, -fluoroscoped everything again, put the baggage through an irritator -life-indexer, investigated my orifices in detail with a variety of -instruments, took skin scrapings in case I was wearing a false layer, -and the only thing they found was my dark glasses. - -"Why don't you wear modern contact lenses?" - -"It's none of your business," I said, "but these old-style spectacles -have liquid lenses." - -There was a flurry and they sent away for analysis a small drop from -one of the lenses. There were no signs of prohibited life in the liquid. - -"I could have told you that," I said. "It's dicyanin, a vegetable -extract. Diminishes the glare." - -I put the glasses on my nose and hooked on the earpieces. The effect -was medieval, but I could see the little diver now. I could also see -disturbing evidence of the inspectors' mental condition. A useful -little device invented by Dr. W. J. Kilner (1847-1920) for the study of -the human aura in sickness and health. After a little practice, which -I was not going to allow the Lamavic inspectors, the retina became -sufficiently sensitive to see the micro-wave aura when you looked -through the dicyanin screen. As was true of most of these psi pioneers -at that time, nothing was done to further Kilner's work when he died. -I noticed, without surprise, that the inspectors had a mental field of -very limited extent and that the little diver had survived the journey -nicely. - -"Can I go now?" I asked. - -"This time, Mr. Jones." - -When I left, the repair staff was building a new inspection barrier -to replace the parts the dragon had got. Such an amateur performance! -Leave smuggling to professionals and we'd have Lamavic disbanded from -boredom in ten years. I nearly slipped on the fine silica dioxide which -had fused in the air when the dragon got annoyed. Nasty, dangerous pets. - -The one for Florence was the only contraband I was carrying this -trip, which was purely pleasure. She was waiting for me in her -apartment, tall, golden, luscious, and all mine. She thought I was in -import-export, which in a sense was true. - -"I've missed you so much, Sol," she said, twining herself on me and the -couch like a Venusian water-nymph. "Did you bring me a present?" - -I lay back and let her kiss me. - -"Of course I did. A small but very valuable present." - -I let her kiss me again. - -"Not--a Jupiter diamond, Sol?" - -"Much rarer than that, and more useful." - -"Oh. Useful." - -"Something to help you in the house when we're married, honey. Now, -don't pout so prettily, or I'll never get around to showing you." - -My homecoming was not developing quite as I planned, but I put this -down to womanly, if not exactly maidenly, quirks. When she found out -what I had brought her, I was sure she would be all over me again. I -put on my dark glasses so that I could see where the diver was. - -"Would you like a drink, honey?" I asked. - -"I don't mind," she said sulkily. - - * * * * * - -I looked at the diver, concentrated hard on the thought of a bottle -from the cabinet, two glasses and a pitcher of ice from the kitchen. He -went revolving through the air obediently and the items came floating -out neatly. Florence nearly shattered the windows with her screams. - -"Now calm down, honey," I said, catching her. "Calm down. It's just a -little present I brought you." - -The bottle, glasses and pitcher dropped gently onto the table beside us. - -"See?" I said. "Service at a thought. Remote control. The end of -housework. Kiss me." - -She didn't. - -"You mean you did that, Sol?" - -"Not me, exactly. I've brought you a little baby diver, honey, all the -way from Antimony IX, just for you. There isn't another one on Earth. -In fact, I doubt if there's another one outside Antimony IX. I had a -lot of trouble securing this rare and valuable present for you." - -"I don't like it. It gives me the creeps." - -"Honey," I said carefully, "this is a little baby. It couldn't hurt a -mouse. It's about six inches in diameter, and all it is doing is to -teleport what you want it to teleport." - -"Then why can't I see it?" - -"If you could see it, I wouldn't have been allowed to bring it for you, -honey, because a whole row of nasty-minded Solar Civil Servants would -have seen it too, and they would have taken it from your own sweet Sol." - -"They can have it." - -"Honey, this is a _rare_ and _valuable_ pet! It will _do_ things for -you." - -"So you think I need something done for me. Well! I'm glad you came -right out and said this before we were married!" - -The following series of "but--but--" from me and irrelevance from -Florence occupied an hour, but hardly mentioned the diver. Eventually I -got her back into my arms. - -My urges for Florence were strictly biological, though intense. There -were little chances for intellectual exchanges between us, but I was -more interested in the broad probabilities of her as a woman. I could -go commune with wild and exotic intelligences on foreign planets any -time I had the fare. As a woman, Florence was what I wanted. - -"Back on Antimony IX," I explained carefully, "life is fierce and -rugged. So, to keep from being eaten, these little divers evolved -themselves into little minds with no bodies at all, and they feed off -solar radiation. Now, honey, minds are not made of the same stuff -brains are made of, good solid tissue and gray matter and neural -cortex--" - -"Don't be dirty, Sol." - -"There is nothing dirty about the body, honey. Minds are invisible -but detectable in the micro-wavelengths on any sensitive counter, and -look like little glass eggs when you can see them--as I can, by using -these glasses. In fact, your diver is over by the window now. But, -having evolved this far, they came across a little difficulty and -couldn't evolve any further. So there they are, handy little minds -for teleporting whatever you want moved, and reading other people's -thoughts." - - * * * * * - -She gasped. "Did you say reading other people's thoughts? - -"Certainly," I said. "As a matter of fact, that's what stopped the -divers from evolving further. If they brush against any thinking -creature, they pick up whatever thought is in the creature's conscious -mind. But they also pick up the subliminal activity, if you follow -me--and down at that level of a mind such as man's, his thoughts are -not only the present unconscious thoughts but also a good slice of what -is to him still the future. It's one of those space-time differences. -The divers are not really on the same space-time reference as the -physical world, but that makes them all the more useful, because our -minds aren't either." - -"Did you say reading other people's thoughts, like a telepath?" she -persisted. - -"Exactly like a telepath, or any other class of psi. We're really -living on a much wider scale than we're conscious of, but our mind only -tracks down one point in time-space in a straight line, which happens -to fit our bodies. Our subliminal mind is way out in every direction, -including time--and when you pick up fragments of this consciously, -you're a psi, that's all. So the divers got thoroughly confused--that's -what it amounts to--and never evolved any further. So you see, honey, -it's all perfectly natural." - -"I think you're just dirty." - -"Eh?" - -"Everyone _hates_ telepaths. You know that." - -"I don't." - -"Oh, you go wandering all over the Galaxy--but my friends--what could -I say to my friends if they learned I had something like a telepath in -the apartment?" - -"It's only a baby diver, I keep telling you, honey. And anyway, you'll -be able to tell what they're really thinking about you." - -Florence looked thoughtful. "And what they've been doing?" - -"Sometimes they will do what they think they'll do. And sometimes they -don't make it. But it's what their subliminal plans to have happen, -yes." - -She kissed me. "I think it's a lovely present, Sol." - -She snuggled up to me and I concentrated on bringing the diver over to -her. I thought I'd read her, just for a joke, and see what she had in -mind. I took a close look. - -"What's the matter, Sol?" - -"Oh, honey! You beautiful creature!" - -"This is nice--but what made you say that?" - -"I just got the diver to show me your mind, and bits of the next two -weeks you have in mind. It's going to be a lovely, lovely vacation." - -She blushed very violently and got angry. "You had no right to look at -what I was thinking, Sol!" - -"It wasn't what you were thinking so much as what you will be thinking, -honey. I figure in it quite well." - -"I won't have it, Sol! Do you hear me? I think spying on people is -detestable!" - -"I thought you liked the idea of tagging your friends?" - -"That's different. Either we go somewhere without that whatever-it-is, -or you can marry someone else. I don't mind having it around after -we're married, but not before, Sol. Do you understand?" - -I was already reaching for the video yellow pages. - - * * * * * - -I turned on the television-wall in the apartment before we left and -instructed the diver to stay around and watch it. They are very curious -creatures, inquisitive, always chasing new ideas, and I thought that -should hold the diver happily for several days. Meanwhile, I had booked -adjoining rooms at the Asteroid-Central. - -The Asteroid-Central advertised in the video yellow pages that it -practiced the Most Rigid Discrimination--meaning no telepaths, -clairvoyants, clairaudients or psychometrists. Life was hard on a psi -outside Government circles. But life was much harder on the rest of the -world seeking secluded privacy and discretion. The Asteroid-Central was -so discreet, you could hardly see where you were going. Dim lights, -elegant figures passing in the gloom, singing perfumes of the gentlest -kind, and "Guaranteed Psi-Free" on every bedroom door. - -I was humming idly in my room, with one eye on the communicating door -through which, were she but true to her own mind, Florence would -shortly come, and I turned on the television-wall only to see how -less fortunate people were spending their leisure. An idle and most -regrettable gesture. - -There was a quiz-game on International Channel 462, dull and just -finishing. All the contestants seemed to know all the answers. In -fact, the man who won the trip around the Rings of Saturn, did so -by answering the question before the Martian quiz-master had really -finished reading it out. When the winner turned sharply on the other -contestants and knocked them down, yelling, "So that's what you think -of my mother, is it?" the wall was blacked out and we were taken -straight to the Solar Party Convention. - -The nominee this decade was human. He seemed to be speaking on his -aims, his pure record and altruistic intentions. The stereo cameras -looked over the heads of the delegates. Starting in the row by the main -aisle, each delegate shot to his feet and started booing and jeering. -It rippled down the rows like a falling pack of cards, each delegate in -turn after the man in front of him, and each row picking up where the -back of the previous row left off. It was as if someone were passing a -galvanizing brush along the heads of the delegates, row by row. - -Or as if a diver were refreshing the delegates with a clear picture of -their nominee's mind. - -I groaned and called Florence. - -"Look," I said when she came. "That damned pet has followed the program -back to the cameras from your apartment, and there he is lousing up the -Convention." - -"I vote Earth," she told me indifferently. - -"That isn't the point, honey. I'll have to bring the diver here, and -quickly." - -"You do that, Sol. I'll be at home when you get rid of it." - -By the time the diver picked up my thoughts and came flickering into -the room through the walls, Florence had left. - -I felt the diver off the back of my head, made my thoughts as kindly as -possible, and went downstairs to the largest, longest bar. - - * * * * * - -The evening passed profitably because I was invited to join a threesome -of crooks at cards. With the aid of the little diver, I was able to -shorten the odds to a pleasant margin in my favor. But this was doing -nothing about Florence. A not altogether funny remark about teleporting -the cards did, however, suggest the answer. - -After the transaction was over, I sent the diver off to a friend on -the faculty of Luke University, where they had a long history of psi -investigation and where the diver could be guaranteed to be kept busy -rolling dice and such. This was easy to fix by a video call. There had -been times in the past when certain services to the Extra-terrestrial -Zoology and Botanical Tanks had made me discreetly popular with the -faculty, and anyway they thought I was doing them a favor. They -promised to keep the little diver busy for an indefinite period. - -I reported to Florence, and after a certain amount of feminine -shall-I-shan't-I, she came back to the Asteroid-Central. - -This time I did not turn on the television-wall. I lay still. I said -nothing. I hardly thought at all. And after several years compressed -themselves into every minute, my own true honey, Florence, slid open -the communicating door and came into the room. - -She walked shyly toward me, hiding modestly within a floating nightgown -as opaque as a very clear soap bubble. - -I stood up, held out my arms and she came toward me, smiling--and -stopped to pick up something on the carpet. - -"Ooo, Sol! Look! A Jupiter diamond!" - -She held up the largest and most expensive diamond I have ever seen. - -I was just going to claim credit for this little gift when another -appeared, and another, and a long line marching over the carpet like an -ant trail. They came floating in under the door. - -Now love is for vacations, and between my own sweet Florence and a -diamond mine there is no comparison. I put on my dicyanin glasses and -saw the baby diver was back and at work teleporting. I said so, but -this time there were no hysterics from Florence. - -"I was just thinking of him," she said, "and wishing you had brought me -a Jupiter diamond instead." - -"Well, honey, it looks as if you've got both." - -I watched her scrambling on the carpet, gathering handfuls of diamonds -and not in the least interested in me. - -On Antimony IX, the little divers switched from one space-time point -to another simultaneously, and the baby diver had come back from the -Solar Party Convention the same way. I thought of it and it came; -Florence had just thought of it and here it was. But now it seemed to -be flitting lightly from Earth to Jupiter and back with diamonds, so -perhaps there was no interplanetary distance to a mind. - -This had a future. I could see myself with a winter and a summer planet -of my own, even happily paying Earth, Solar and Galactic taxes. - -"Well, honey, don't you worry," I said. "You don't like divers, so I'll -take it back and give you something else. Just leave it to Sol." - -"Take your foot off that diamond, Sol Jones! You gave me this dear -little diver and he's mine!" - - * * * * * - -She sat back on her heels and thought. The evidence of her thinking -immediately came trickling through the door--Venusian opals set in -a gold bracelet half a pound heavy, Martian sleeze furs, spider-web -stockings, platinum belts. The room was beginning to look like a video -fashion center, a Galactic merchandise mart. And after Florence put on -a coat and opened the door, her ideas began to get bigger. - -"This is fun!" she cried, teleporting like mad. "Why, I can have -anything in the Galaxy just by thinking about it!" - -"Now, honey, think of the benefits to humanity! This is too big to be -used for personal gain. This should be dedicated--" - -"This is dedicated to me, Sol Jones, so just you keep your fingers off -it. Why, the cute little thing--look, he's been out to Saturn for me!" - -I made a decision. Think wide and grand, Sol Jones, I said. Sacrifice -yourself for the greater good. - -"Florence, honey, you know I love you. Will you marry me?" - -That stopped her. "You mean it, Sol?" - -"Of course." - -"It's not just because of this diver?" - -"Why, honey, how could you think such a thing? If I'd never brought it -in for you, I'd still want to marry you." - -"You never said so before," she said. "But okay. If you do it now. -Right now, Sol Jones." - -So the merchandise stopped coming in while we plugged into the video -and participated in a moving and legal ceremony. The marriage service -was expensive, but after all we could teleport in a few thousand credit -blanks from the Solar Treasury. Immediately after we had switched off, -we did so. - -"Are you sure you married me for myself, Sol?" - -"I swear it, honey. No other thought entered my head. Just you." - -I made a few notes while Florence planned the house we would have, -furnished with rare materials from anywhere. I thought one of the -medium asteroids would do for a base for Sol Jones Intragalactic -Transport. I could see it all, vast warehouses and immediate delivery -of anything from anywhere. I wondered if there was a limit to the -diver's capacity, so Florence desired an encyclopedia and in it came, -floating through the doorway. - -"It says," she read, "not much is known about Antimony IX divers -because none have ever been known to leave their planet." - -"They probably need the stimulus of an educated mind," I said. "Anyway, -this one can get diamonds from Jupiter and so on, and that's what -matters." - - * * * * * - -I kissed the wife of the President of Sol Jones Intragalactic and -was interrupted by discreet tapping on the door. The manager of the -Asteroid-Central beamed at us. - -"Excuse," he said. "But we understand you have just been married, Mr. -and Mrs. Jones." - -"Irrevocably," I said. - -"Felicitations. The Asteroid-Central will be sending up complimentary -euphorics. There is just a small point, Mr. Jones. We notice you have a -large selection of valuable gifts for the bride." - -He looked round the room and smiled at the piles of stuff Florence had -thought of. - -"Of course," he went on, "we trust your stay will be pleasant and -perhaps you will let us know if you will be wanting anything else." - -"I expect we will, but we'll let you know," I said. - -"Thank you, Mr. Jones. It is merely that we noticed you had emptied -every showcase on the ground floor and, a few moments ago, teleported -the credit contents of the bar up here. Not of importance, really; it -is all charged on your bill." - -"You saw it and didn't stop it?" I yelled. - -"Oh, no, Mr. Jones. We always make an exception for Antimony IX divers. -Limited creatures, really, but good for our business. We get about one -a month--smuggled in, you know. But the upkeep proves too expensive. -Some women do shop without more than a passing thought, don't they?" - -I saw what he meant, but Mrs. Sol Jones took it very philosophically. - -"Never mind, Sol--you have me." - -"Or vice versa, honey," I said. - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Dumbwaiter, by James Stamers - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DUMBWAITER *** - -***** This file should be named 51478.txt or 51478.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/1/4/7/51478/ - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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