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You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: Make Me An Offer - -Author: Con Blomberg - -Release Date: February 27, 2016 [EBook #51311] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MAKE ME AN OFFER *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - -</pre> - - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/cover.jpg" width="375" height="500" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="titlepage"> -<h1>MAKE ME AN OFFER</h1> - -<p>By CON BLOMBERG</p> - -<p>Illustrated by DILLON</p> - -<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br /> -Galaxy Science Fiction August 1957.<br /> -Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br /> -the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p> - -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p class="ph3">Fellow City Mgrs., only you can help me—progress<br /> -has made "Go Fight City Hall" a battle cry!</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>TO: ALL CITY MANAGERS</p> - -<p>FROM: ROSS RO,<br /> -NEW YORK CITY MANAGER</p> - -<p>SUBJECT: GELATIN MOLDS</p> - -<p>Well, boys, this is going to be rather an informal communication -because I think there's a serious lesson for you in a situation we -had here recently. I might as well be the first to tell you about it. -You'll hear about it soon enough anyway. Frankly, I'm hoping you'll -have a heart and lend a brother City Manager a hand.</p> - -<p>As you boys know, I was re-elected last April to my post as City -Manager for another four years and I felt pretty good about it. So good -that I was looking around for something to do which would sort of let -the voters of little old New York know how I felt about them. Most -of you have met my political assistant Charlie Tight—or, rather, my -ex-political assistant. Charlie was looking around, too, and he came up -with the idea of covering over Central Park.</p> - -<p>We have never covered over Central Park with the perma-plast roof like -the rest of the city because it is a fairly large area and there wasn't -any public demand for it. So naturally it rains and snows there and we -spend a lot of dough keeping the grass cut and what have you. It's a -popular spot with a lot of folks.</p> - -<p>Charlie figured—and I must admit that I agreed with him—that covering -over Central Park was quite an idea. Controlled conditions would let -the grass grow only so much and the temperature would remain constant. -No rain or snow except from 1 A.M. to 3 A.M., when we would put in a -little artificial precipitation to keep the greenery going. Plenty of -nice air-conditioned air. Eternal spring. Really up-to-date.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus.jpg" width="355" height="500" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>We put it through the computer down at the Civic Machine and figured -it would cost only about 25 hundred million. It looked real good. -You see, we recently got a new addition to the Civic Machine and the -manufacturer gave us a deal on a new model Projector for the whole -city. It makes constant forecasts on practically everything we need -from moment to moment. It doesn't wait for a Tech to run the data thru -it. Saves a lot of time because it's directly connected with Supply.</p> - -<p>This Projector is so good that we have been able to cut down on -expenses about 20 hundred million in only two years. I figured this -would easily pay for the perma-plast roof over good old Central Park.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>To make a long story short, I went before the people on TV and told -the whole story. Charlie had the TV Techs mock up a scene of what it -would look like and we had models posed in family scenes and the like. -Should have gone over like a shot—and it would have, except for this -screwball Hatty Dakkon.</p> - -<p>It wasn't an hour after I had made my broadcast that my secretary -announced this Mrs. Hatty Dakkon. She proved to be a young matron type -with pretty good legs and a chip on her shoulder. She was against -roofing Central Park.</p> - -<p>Well, you boys know how it goes. Always some crank who doesn't like -things changed, and after they have blown off steam, they quiet down -and you can go ahead and do the work.</p> - -<p>So I let this Hatty Dakkon talk on and on until my ears were limp from -listening.</p> - -<p>She said she was against roofing Central Park because it would be just -like every other place in the City—weatherproof, air-conditioned and -humidity controlled.</p> - -<p>She figured that children should have some place where they could feel -the wind on their faces and the falling of rain and snow and the smell -of air as it was in nature.</p> - -<p>She said that was the only way most of our children could ever, ever -find the ties with the past that were sacred.</p> - -<p>She quoted poetry about the wind and the rain in your hair, and on and -on and on.</p> - -<p>Finally I let her talk off her head of steam and she got calmed down -so I could tell her: "Thank you, madam, for this expression of your -opinion. You can rest assured that I will do everything within my power -and the power of the Civic Machine to see to it that anything possible -is done."</p> - -<p>Her head came up like a rocket at blastoff.</p> - -<p>"Hold it!" she said. "You can't put me off with that old one—that's -Standard Answer No. 1 in the City Manager's guidebook and I ain't -buying it, Buster. I used to work at the Civic Machine myself, so I -know all the Standard Answers backward and forward."</p> - -<p>"Well, I assure you, madam—" I said.</p> - -<p>"Don't hand me that stuff again. What I want is for you to call off -the Civic Machine and quit trying to roof the only place left where our -children can feel the open air and sunshine."</p> - -<p>"I see. You aren't going to be satisfied with anything else," I said.</p> - -<p>"That's right."</p> - -<p>"I'm sorry, but that's impossible. We have programmed the roofing job -for next month on the Civic Machine and we can't change it now."</p> - -<p>"That, Mr. Ro, is a lie," she said, leaning across my desk and sticking -a slim white finger under my nose. "I know you can change it in five -minutes if you want to."</p> - -<p>"It won't be changed," I said.</p> - -<p>"Is that your final word?"</p> - -<p>"Final."</p> - -<p>"Mr. Ro," she said, putting her hands on her hips, "I think you'll be -sorry."</p> - -<p>She headed for the door, only to turn around and ask me if my wife was -at home.</p> - -<p>"I suppose she is," I said, "but don't bother her—she takes no -interest in Civic affairs."</p> - -<p>I don't have to tell you boys that I dismissed the lady from my mind -and went on to other more important matters. Or so I thought.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>When I got home that night, I didn't say anything about Hatty Dakkon. -My wife is inclined to see things differently than I do and I had a -hunch she would side with Hatty. Consequently, rather than get into a -discussion, I just let it slide.</p> - -<p>Not too many of you boys know my wife, but those who do know that -she is like so many other women—not particularly interested in any -Civic Machine. Just so she gets what she wants when she dials the home -connection to the Machine is all she is interested in.</p> - -<p>That night, though, my wife surprised me by having a burning interest -in the Civic Machine. She wanted to know all about it. How it produces -the consumer products. How it gets them to the living area. How it -knows what to order. And she especially quizzed me about the new -Projector.</p> - -<p>When I asked her why she wanted to know about all that after 15 years -of married life, she just smiled sweetly and said that naturally she -was interested in my work.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Next day, I brought home a sample programming sheet for her to see and -damned if she didn't dismiss it with a sniff as being too complicated -and boring.</p> - -<p>Go figure women out!</p> - -<p>That night, we had two molded gelatin dishes. The round kind with a -hole in the center.</p> - -<p>The next night, we had the same kind of supper, except that instead of -fish and something in gelatin, we had meat and something in gelatin. -Same sort of deal for dessert.</p> - -<p>The next day, I got my first tip that something was up when Willie -Kipe, the caster for NYC-TV, called me and asked about the protest on -the Central Park roofing proposal, saying he got the item from his -woman assistant. I said it didn't amount to much and that the project -was going ahead on schedule.</p> - -<p>I caught Willie's cast that night and he treated it in a light manner -which really made me smile. I should have been crying instead.</p> - -<p>That night, we had some more molded gelatin, only in square molds this -time. Same thing the next day. I figured it was time to take a stand—a -diplomatic one, of course.</p> - -<p>"Honey," I said as I sat toying with my food, "can't we have different -dishes every night? I'm getting tired of all this gelatin junk. How -about a steak?"</p> - -<p>"But, darling, gelatin is very good for you. It's simply crammed full -of protein and all the girls at the club are eating lots of gelatin."</p> - -<p>"But I don't like gelatin <i>that</i> well," I said.</p> - -<p>"I don't, either, but it's so good for <i>both</i> of us," she said with her -best don't-try-to-argue-Mother-knows-best smile.</p> - -<p>I had a steak that night after she went to bed.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The next day, I got a call from the head of the warehousing division -over at Civic, asking me if I had any preference on warehousing molds.</p> - -<p>"What molds?" I wanted to know.</p> - -<p>"Well, let's see," he said. "We've got 3.5 million round gelatin -molds with a hole in the center. We've got 5.6 million square gelatin -molds—no center hole. And 7.3 million figure-eight gelatin molds and I -understand there's a hell of a lot of deep-dish gelatin molds coming up -tomorrow from Supply at Schenectady."</p> - -<p>"Why in hell have we got all those molds?"</p> - -<p>"Don't know," he said. "Civic Machine ordered them, so I suppose we -need them. Where do you want the storing done? Thought we might run up -one of those new Kiosk warehouses out east if you have no objection."</p> - -<p>"Put it anywhere you want," I said, switching off.</p> - -<p>Before I could get back to work, there was a call from Stats.</p> - -<p>"Got a little problem down here, Mr. Ro," said the Tech. "Schenectady -is sending us premium billing on an over-order of plastic."</p> - -<p>"How much is the premium?"</p> - -<p>"Quite a little, Boss—about 10 hundred million or thereabouts. I -checked with them and the reason for the extra strong premium is -because they had to rebuild the factory—let's see which one that -was—oh, yes, cold-molding dishes division of the Cooking Receptacle -plant. What do you want me to do—enter a protest saying we aren't -responsible and get it over to Fed Court where they can pro-rate it -over the other cities?"</p> - -<p>"Nope, I guess you'd just better pay it."</p> - -<p>The chips were falling into place now and I didn't like what they were -building for me.</p> - -<p>As soon as I switched off, I put in a call to my head Tech at the Civic -Machine and asked for a rundown on the food ordered for supper for the -past six or eight nights. It took a while, but when I got it back, it -was enough to make my hair curl and uncurl in three-quarter time.</p> - -<p>First thing I did was call my wife and ask her what we were having for -dinner that night.</p> - -<p>"We're having your favorite—steak and kidney pie, dear," she said in -that innocent-little-girl voice that means there's trouble ahead.</p> - -<p>"No more of those gelatin dishes, sweet?"</p> - -<p>"No more of that awful gelatin, darling. I'm so tired of it. But I did -order a pair of nice shears today—you know, sweetheart, scissors?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, dear. That's nice," I said, trying to smooth down the hair on the -back of my neck, which was standing straight up.</p> - -<p>"The Civic Machine didn't have any scissors, darling, so I told it go -ahead and get me a pair regardless of the wait. That was all right, -wasn't it, dear?"</p> - -<p>"Fine, dear, fine."</p> - -<p>"I can't imagine why the Civic Machine should be out of just plain old -six-inch scissors, can you?"</p> - -<p>"Just can't imagine, darling. Good-by."</p> - -<p>"Good-by, sweetie."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>My hand was shaking when I called the Tech at the Civic Machine and -asked him to check up on the orders for scissors.</p> - -<p>It took a minute or two, and when he came back, his face was puzzled.</p> - -<p>"Funny thing, Boss—there is an order for just under 10 million pairs -of scissors. That's more than we have had in the past seven or eight -years. All ordered last night. There must be a mistake somewhere. I'll -run it through again and have a test made of the orders section."</p> - -<p>"Never mind. Just do this," I said. "Fix up the Projector so it doesn't -send out any order for scissors and cancel any order that has been -placed." I was wringing wet with sweat. It was going to be a close one.</p> - -<p>Believe me, boys, I didn't waste any time getting on FAX and TV, -telling everyone that there had been a change in plans due to public -demand and we weren't going to be able to roof over Central Park after -all. I suggested that, as long as the administration had cooperated, -the people should cooperate on the matter.</p> - -<p>An hour later, I called the Civic Machine and asked for a check on -scissors. The orders had dropped to a mere 5.4 million. Way above -normal, but the way the cancellations were coming in, it was obvious -that it would be within reasonable proportions soon.</p> - -<p>Just in case some of you missed the by-play on that, let me sketch it -in for you as I found it out later.</p> - -<p>It seems that this Hatty Dakkon had organized a phone campaign on the -Let Our Children Enjoy Nature theme which went over big with the women. -Every woman called five woman friends and these five called five and so -on. You figure it out—with geometrical progression, it doesn't take -long to get in touch with about 14-15 million women. Not as fast as TV, -maybe, but a darn sight more effective and thorough.</p> - -<p>It was the talk of the women's world and we men didn't even know about -it until the battle was all over.</p> - -<p>This horde of women, led by Hatty Dakkon, agreed that they would order -the same dish—gelatin in a round mold on the same night.</p> - -<p>You know what this can do to a good Projector. It just went frantic.</p> - -<p>Projectors work on the basis of average demand for anything, and with -an average demand for round mold gelatin foods two nights in a row of -about 10-11 million, it went ahead and ordered a whole conveyor-load of -mold dishes from Schenectady.</p> - -<p>The next time, it was square molds for two nights; and the next, it was -figure-eight for two nights and then a double shot of deep-dish.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>They have a new Projector up at Schenectady, same as we have, and it -ordered an increase in the size of the mold-making factory based on our -demand (which was run in with everyone else's demand). Then, when the -demand didn't come through from us and from the other cities in the -area, we had to pay the premium for building the new factory.</p> - -<p>The scissors business would have bankrupted us completely. Think of -it—millions of pairs of steel scissors in the year 2006! Think of -the premium for increase in size of factory, prospecting the planets, -mining, spaceship freight rates, and so forth. That's why I was glad to -give up the Central Park project.</p> - -<p>Well, to make a long story short, we aren't going near Central Park. -And Charlie, who originally thought of the idea, is probably out there -now, wondering why he did it.</p> - -<p>Now in closing, I hope all the rest of you who have had a good laugh -will sober up and sympathize with me and see what you can do about -ordering gelatin molds from us. We'll ship them out pronto—we have a -large supply—and no reasonable offer will be refused. Please, fellows!</p> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Make Me An Offer, by Con Blomberg - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MAKE ME AN OFFER *** - -***** This file should be named 51311-h.htm or 51311-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/1/3/1/51311/ - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: Make Me An Offer - -Author: Con Blomberg - -Release Date: February 27, 2016 [EBook #51311] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MAKE ME AN OFFER *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - - - - - MAKE ME AN OFFER - - By CON BLOMBERG - - Illustrated by DILLON - - [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from - Galaxy Science Fiction August 1957. - Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that - the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.] - - - - - Fellow City Mgrs., only you can help me--progress - has made "Go Fight City Hall" a battle cry! - - -TO: ALL CITY MANAGERS - -FROM: ROSS RO, - -NEW YORK CITY MANAGER - -SUBJECT: GELATIN MOLDS - -Well, boys, this is going to be rather an informal communication -because I think there's a serious lesson for you in a situation we -had here recently. I might as well be the first to tell you about it. -You'll hear about it soon enough anyway. Frankly, I'm hoping you'll -have a heart and lend a brother City Manager a hand. - -As you boys know, I was re-elected last April to my post as City -Manager for another four years and I felt pretty good about it. So good -that I was looking around for something to do which would sort of let -the voters of little old New York know how I felt about them. Most -of you have met my political assistant Charlie Tight--or, rather, my -ex-political assistant. Charlie was looking around, too, and he came up -with the idea of covering over Central Park. - -We have never covered over Central Park with the perma-plast roof like -the rest of the city because it is a fairly large area and there wasn't -any public demand for it. So naturally it rains and snows there and we -spend a lot of dough keeping the grass cut and what have you. It's a -popular spot with a lot of folks. - -Charlie figured--and I must admit that I agreed with him--that covering -over Central Park was quite an idea. Controlled conditions would let -the grass grow only so much and the temperature would remain constant. -No rain or snow except from 1 A.M. to 3 A.M., when we would put in a -little artificial precipitation to keep the greenery going. Plenty of -nice air-conditioned air. Eternal spring. Really up-to-date. - -We put it through the computer down at the Civic Machine and figured -it would cost only about 25 hundred million. It looked real good. -You see, we recently got a new addition to the Civic Machine and the -manufacturer gave us a deal on a new model Projector for the whole -city. It makes constant forecasts on practically everything we need -from moment to moment. It doesn't wait for a Tech to run the data thru -it. Saves a lot of time because it's directly connected with Supply. - -This Projector is so good that we have been able to cut down on -expenses about 20 hundred million in only two years. I figured this -would easily pay for the perma-plast roof over good old Central Park. - - * * * * * - -To make a long story short, I went before the people on TV and told -the whole story. Charlie had the TV Techs mock up a scene of what it -would look like and we had models posed in family scenes and the like. -Should have gone over like a shot--and it would have, except for this -screwball Hatty Dakkon. - -It wasn't an hour after I had made my broadcast that my secretary -announced this Mrs. Hatty Dakkon. She proved to be a young matron type -with pretty good legs and a chip on her shoulder. She was against -roofing Central Park. - -Well, you boys know how it goes. Always some crank who doesn't like -things changed, and after they have blown off steam, they quiet down -and you can go ahead and do the work. - -So I let this Hatty Dakkon talk on and on until my ears were limp from -listening. - -She said she was against roofing Central Park because it would be just -like every other place in the City--weatherproof, air-conditioned and -humidity controlled. - -She figured that children should have some place where they could feel -the wind on their faces and the falling of rain and snow and the smell -of air as it was in nature. - -She said that was the only way most of our children could ever, ever -find the ties with the past that were sacred. - -She quoted poetry about the wind and the rain in your hair, and on and -on and on. - -Finally I let her talk off her head of steam and she got calmed down -so I could tell her: "Thank you, madam, for this expression of your -opinion. You can rest assured that I will do everything within my power -and the power of the Civic Machine to see to it that anything possible -is done." - -Her head came up like a rocket at blastoff. - -"Hold it!" she said. "You can't put me off with that old one--that's -Standard Answer No. 1 in the City Manager's guidebook and I ain't -buying it, Buster. I used to work at the Civic Machine myself, so I -know all the Standard Answers backward and forward." - -"Well, I assure you, madam--" I said. - -"Don't hand me that stuff again. What I want is for you to call off -the Civic Machine and quit trying to roof the only place left where our -children can feel the open air and sunshine." - -"I see. You aren't going to be satisfied with anything else," I said. - -"That's right." - -"I'm sorry, but that's impossible. We have programmed the roofing job -for next month on the Civic Machine and we can't change it now." - -"That, Mr. Ro, is a lie," she said, leaning across my desk and sticking -a slim white finger under my nose. "I know you can change it in five -minutes if you want to." - -"It won't be changed," I said. - -"Is that your final word?" - -"Final." - -"Mr. Ro," she said, putting her hands on her hips, "I think you'll be -sorry." - -She headed for the door, only to turn around and ask me if my wife was -at home. - -"I suppose she is," I said, "but don't bother her--she takes no -interest in Civic affairs." - -I don't have to tell you boys that I dismissed the lady from my mind -and went on to other more important matters. Or so I thought. - - * * * * * - -When I got home that night, I didn't say anything about Hatty Dakkon. -My wife is inclined to see things differently than I do and I had a -hunch she would side with Hatty. Consequently, rather than get into a -discussion, I just let it slide. - -Not too many of you boys know my wife, but those who do know that -she is like so many other women--not particularly interested in any -Civic Machine. Just so she gets what she wants when she dials the home -connection to the Machine is all she is interested in. - -That night, though, my wife surprised me by having a burning interest -in the Civic Machine. She wanted to know all about it. How it produces -the consumer products. How it gets them to the living area. How it -knows what to order. And she especially quizzed me about the new -Projector. - -When I asked her why she wanted to know about all that after 15 years -of married life, she just smiled sweetly and said that naturally she -was interested in my work. - - * * * * * - -Next day, I brought home a sample programming sheet for her to see and -damned if she didn't dismiss it with a sniff as being too complicated -and boring. - -Go figure women out! - -That night, we had two molded gelatin dishes. The round kind with a -hole in the center. - -The next night, we had the same kind of supper, except that instead of -fish and something in gelatin, we had meat and something in gelatin. -Same sort of deal for dessert. - -The next day, I got my first tip that something was up when Willie -Kipe, the caster for NYC-TV, called me and asked about the protest on -the Central Park roofing proposal, saying he got the item from his -woman assistant. I said it didn't amount to much and that the project -was going ahead on schedule. - -I caught Willie's cast that night and he treated it in a light manner -which really made me smile. I should have been crying instead. - -That night, we had some more molded gelatin, only in square molds this -time. Same thing the next day. I figured it was time to take a stand--a -diplomatic one, of course. - -"Honey," I said as I sat toying with my food, "can't we have different -dishes every night? I'm getting tired of all this gelatin junk. How -about a steak?" - -"But, darling, gelatin is very good for you. It's simply crammed full -of protein and all the girls at the club are eating lots of gelatin." - -"But I don't like gelatin _that_ well," I said. - -"I don't, either, but it's so good for _both_ of us," she said with her -best don't-try-to-argue-Mother-knows-best smile. - -I had a steak that night after she went to bed. - - * * * * * - -The next day, I got a call from the head of the warehousing division -over at Civic, asking me if I had any preference on warehousing molds. - -"What molds?" I wanted to know. - -"Well, let's see," he said. "We've got 3.5 million round gelatin -molds with a hole in the center. We've got 5.6 million square gelatin -molds--no center hole. And 7.3 million figure-eight gelatin molds and I -understand there's a hell of a lot of deep-dish gelatin molds coming up -tomorrow from Supply at Schenectady." - -"Why in hell have we got all those molds?" - -"Don't know," he said. "Civic Machine ordered them, so I suppose we -need them. Where do you want the storing done? Thought we might run up -one of those new Kiosk warehouses out east if you have no objection." - -"Put it anywhere you want," I said, switching off. - -Before I could get back to work, there was a call from Stats. - -"Got a little problem down here, Mr. Ro," said the Tech. "Schenectady -is sending us premium billing on an over-order of plastic." - -"How much is the premium?" - -"Quite a little, Boss--about 10 hundred million or thereabouts. I -checked with them and the reason for the extra strong premium is -because they had to rebuild the factory--let's see which one that -was--oh, yes, cold-molding dishes division of the Cooking Receptacle -plant. What do you want me to do--enter a protest saying we aren't -responsible and get it over to Fed Court where they can pro-rate it -over the other cities?" - -"Nope, I guess you'd just better pay it." - -The chips were falling into place now and I didn't like what they were -building for me. - -As soon as I switched off, I put in a call to my head Tech at the Civic -Machine and asked for a rundown on the food ordered for supper for the -past six or eight nights. It took a while, but when I got it back, it -was enough to make my hair curl and uncurl in three-quarter time. - -First thing I did was call my wife and ask her what we were having for -dinner that night. - -"We're having your favorite--steak and kidney pie, dear," she said in -that innocent-little-girl voice that means there's trouble ahead. - -"No more of those gelatin dishes, sweet?" - -"No more of that awful gelatin, darling. I'm so tired of it. But I did -order a pair of nice shears today--you know, sweetheart, scissors?" - -"Yes, dear. That's nice," I said, trying to smooth down the hair on the -back of my neck, which was standing straight up. - -"The Civic Machine didn't have any scissors, darling, so I told it go -ahead and get me a pair regardless of the wait. That was all right, -wasn't it, dear?" - -"Fine, dear, fine." - -"I can't imagine why the Civic Machine should be out of just plain old -six-inch scissors, can you?" - -"Just can't imagine, darling. Good-by." - -"Good-by, sweetie." - - * * * * * - -My hand was shaking when I called the Tech at the Civic Machine and -asked him to check up on the orders for scissors. - -It took a minute or two, and when he came back, his face was puzzled. - -"Funny thing, Boss--there is an order for just under 10 million pairs -of scissors. That's more than we have had in the past seven or eight -years. All ordered last night. There must be a mistake somewhere. I'll -run it through again and have a test made of the orders section." - -"Never mind. Just do this," I said. "Fix up the Projector so it doesn't -send out any order for scissors and cancel any order that has been -placed." I was wringing wet with sweat. It was going to be a close one. - -Believe me, boys, I didn't waste any time getting on FAX and TV, -telling everyone that there had been a change in plans due to public -demand and we weren't going to be able to roof over Central Park after -all. I suggested that, as long as the administration had cooperated, -the people should cooperate on the matter. - -An hour later, I called the Civic Machine and asked for a check on -scissors. The orders had dropped to a mere 5.4 million. Way above -normal, but the way the cancellations were coming in, it was obvious -that it would be within reasonable proportions soon. - -Just in case some of you missed the by-play on that, let me sketch it -in for you as I found it out later. - -It seems that this Hatty Dakkon had organized a phone campaign on the -Let Our Children Enjoy Nature theme which went over big with the women. -Every woman called five woman friends and these five called five and so -on. You figure it out--with geometrical progression, it doesn't take -long to get in touch with about 14-15 million women. Not as fast as TV, -maybe, but a darn sight more effective and thorough. - -It was the talk of the women's world and we men didn't even know about -it until the battle was all over. - -This horde of women, led by Hatty Dakkon, agreed that they would order -the same dish--gelatin in a round mold on the same night. - -You know what this can do to a good Projector. It just went frantic. - -Projectors work on the basis of average demand for anything, and with -an average demand for round mold gelatin foods two nights in a row of -about 10-11 million, it went ahead and ordered a whole conveyor-load of -mold dishes from Schenectady. - -The next time, it was square molds for two nights; and the next, it was -figure-eight for two nights and then a double shot of deep-dish. - - * * * * * - -They have a new Projector up at Schenectady, same as we have, and it -ordered an increase in the size of the mold-making factory based on our -demand (which was run in with everyone else's demand). Then, when the -demand didn't come through from us and from the other cities in the -area, we had to pay the premium for building the new factory. - -The scissors business would have bankrupted us completely. Think of -it--millions of pairs of steel scissors in the year 2006! Think of -the premium for increase in size of factory, prospecting the planets, -mining, spaceship freight rates, and so forth. That's why I was glad to -give up the Central Park project. - -Well, to make a long story short, we aren't going near Central Park. -And Charlie, who originally thought of the idea, is probably out there -now, wondering why he did it. - -Now in closing, I hope all the rest of you who have had a good laugh -will sober up and sympathize with me and see what you can do about -ordering gelatin molds from us. We'll ship them out pronto--we have a -large supply--and no reasonable offer will be refused. Please, fellows! - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Make Me An Offer, by Con Blomberg - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MAKE ME AN OFFER *** - -***** This file should be named 51311.txt or 51311.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/1/3/1/51311/ - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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