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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..16568cb --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #51297 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/51297) diff --git a/old/51297-8.txt b/old/51297-8.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 00e8c22..0000000 --- a/old/51297-8.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1517 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Pilot and the Bushman, by Sylvia Jacobs - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: The Pilot and the Bushman - -Author: Sylvia Jacobs - -Release Date: March 1, 2016 [EBook #51297] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PILOT AND THE BUSHMAN *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - - - - - THE PILOT AND THE BUSHMAN - - By SYLVIA JACOBS - - Illustrated by DAVID STONE - - [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from - Galaxy Science Fiction August 1951. - Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that - the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.] - - - - - Technological upheavals caused by inventions of our own are - bad enough, but this was the ultimate depression, caused by - the ultimate alien invention--which no Earthman ever saw! - - -The Ambassador from Outer Space sprang to his feet, taking Jerry's -extended hand in a firm, warm grasp. Jerry had been prepared for -almost anything--a scholarly brontosaurus, perhaps, or an educated -squid or giant caterpillar with telepathic powers. But the Ambassador -didn't even have antennae, gills, or green hair. He was a completely -normal and even handsome human being. - -"Scotch? Cigar?" the Ambassador offered cordially. "How can I help you, -Mr. Jergins?" - -Studying him, Jerry decided there _was_ something peculiar about this -extraterrestrial, after all. He was too perfect. His shave was too -close, his skin so unblemished as to suggest wax-works. Every strand of -his distinguished iron-gray hair was impeccably placed. The negligent -and just-right drape of his clothes covered a body shaped like a Sixth -Century B.C. piece of Greek sculpture. No mere human could have looked -so unruffled, so utterly groomed, at three o'clock in the afternoon, in -a busy office. A race, Jerry wondered, capable of taking any shape at -will, in mimicry of the indigenous race of any planet? - -"You _can_ help me, but I'm not sure you _will_," Jerry said. "The -rumor is that you won't do anything to ease this buyers' strike you -started on Earth." - -The Ambassador smiled. "You're a man who's not used to taking no for an -answer, I gather. What's your proposition?" - -"I'd like to contact some of the firms on the Federated Planets, show -them how I could promote their merchandise on Earth. Earth is already -clamoring for their goods. To establish a medium of exchange, we'd have -to run simultaneous campaigns, promoting Earth merchandise on other -planets." - -"That would be difficult, even for a man of your promotional ability," -the Ambassador said winningly. "You see, Earth is the only planet -we've yet discovered where advertising--or promotion, to use the -broader term--exists as a social and economic force." - -"How in hell can anybody do business without it?" Jerry demanded. - -"We don't do business in the sense you mean. Don't mistake me," the -Ambassador added hastily, "we don't have precisely a communal economy, -either. Our very well defined sense of ethics in regard to material -goods is something I find impossible to describe in any Earth language. -It's quite simple, so simple that you have to grow up with it to -understand it. Our whole attitude toward material goods is conditioned -by the Matter Repositor." - -"_That_ gadget!" Jerry said bitterly. "It was when you first mentioned -it before the U.N. Assembly that all this trouble on Earth started. -Everybody and his brother hopes that tomorrow he can buy a Matter -Repositor, and never have to buy anything again. I came here mostly -to ask you whether it's really true, that if you have one of those -dinguses, you can bring anything you want into your living room." - -"You _can_. In practice, of course, repositing just anything that took -your fancy would produce economic anarchy." - -"Let's put it this way," Jerry persisted. "Home appliances were my -biggest accounts. Now, when we try to sell a refrigerator, the prospect -says she's saving her cash till Matter Repositors get on the Earth -market. She plans to reposit a refrigerator--not from her neighbor's -kitchen, because that would be stealing--but from the factory. If the -factory goes bust, people figure the government will have to subsidize -building appliances. Now, could she really reposit a refrigerator?" - -"She could. But she wouldn't want to." - -"Why not?" Jerry asked, puzzled. - -"If she conceived an illogical and useless desire for food -refrigeration, she would simply reposit a block of cold air from, say, -the North Pole." - -"Oh, fine!" Jerry said sarcastically. "That would cause more -unemployment in the refrigerator industry than repositing them without -paying for them! But what do you mean about food refrigeration being -illogical and useless?" - -"Well, in a storage warehouse, there might be some reason for food -preservation. But you don't need cold or canning. Why not just reposit -the bacteria that cause the food to deteriorate? There's no need to -store food in a home equipped with a Matter Repositor. You simply -reposit one meal at a time. Fruits and vegetables direct from tree or -field. Meat from a slaughterhouse, since it isn't humane to remove a -pound of steak from a live steer. But even this is needless." - -"Why?" Jerry baffledly wanted to know. - -"To free the maximum amount of the effort of thinking beings for -non-material activities, each consumer can reposit the chemical -elements of the food, synthesize his meal on the table. He can even -reposit these elements directly into his stomach, or, to by-pass the -effort of digestion, into his bloodstream as glycogen and amino acids." - -"So refrigerators would be as dead an item as kerosene lamps in a -city wired for electricity," Jerry agreed unhappily. "Suppose Mrs. -Housewife, not needing a refrigerator, reposits a washing machine. The -point I'm driving at--is there any practical way to compensate the -factory, give it an incentive to produce more washing machines, without -dragging in government control?" - -"Why should the factory produce more washing machines? Who would want -one? The housewife would simply reposit the dirt from her clothes -into her flowerbed, without using water and soap. Or, more likely, -reposit new clothes with different colors, fabrics, and styles. The -Matter Repositor would eliminate textile mills and clothing factories. -Earth's oceans have vast enough quantities of seaweed to eliminate the -growing of cotton, wool, or flax. Or, again, you could reposit the -chemical elements, either from the soil or from seawater." - -Jerry pondered the extensive implications of these revelations. -Finally he said, "What it boils down to is this. All Earth's bustling -material activity, all the logging and construction, the mining and -manufacturing, the planting and fishing, the printing and postal -service, the great transportation and shipping effort, the cleaning and -painting, the sewage disposal, even the bathing and self-adornment, -consist, when you analyze them, of one process only--_putting something -from where you don't want it to where you do_. There's not one single, -solitary Earth invention or service left to advertise!" - -"Nothing," the Ambassador agreed. "Which is exactly why advertising has -not developed on the Federated Planets. You're fortunate that Earth -doesn't have Matter Repositors. You'd be out of a job if it did." - -"Oh, no!" Jerry said. "I could still advertise the gadget to end all -gadgets--the Matter Repositor itself. I know other people have asked -you this before, but could an Earth company get a franchise to import -those machines here, or the license rights to manufacture them?" - -"No," the Ambassador said, briefly and definitely. - -"Mr. Ambassador," Jerry protested, "you've gone to a lot of trouble to -explain things you must already be tired of explaining to Earthmen, -just so I personally could be sure they weren't merely rumors or -misinterpretations. Now that I get down to the real point, you suddenly -become blunt and unqualified. Why?" - -"Because there's a very serious question of ethics involved, wherever a -more advanced civilization comes in contact with a relatively primitive -one. For instance, when the white men came to America, the aborigines -were introduced to gunpowder and firewater." - -"So you people are keeping Matter Repositors away from us, like a mama -keeping candy away from a baby who's hollering for it, because it's not -good for him! You'd pass up a chance to name your own price--" - -"The very way you phrase that remark indicates the danger. You regard -personal gain as the strongest of motives, which means that Matter -Repositors would be used for that, even by such unusually intelligent -members of your race as yourself." - -"Don't softsoap me," Jerry said angrily. "Not after you just got -through saying that we Earthlings are nothing but naked savages, -compared to the high and mighty super-beings on other planets!" - -"I apologize for my phraseology," the Ambassador said. "With my limited -command of your language--" - -"Your limited command, nuts! I suppose you supermen enjoy seeing us -naked savages squirm. Why talk sanctimoniously about the damage you -might do, when you know damn well the damage has already been done? -Just the news that something as advanced as the Matter Repositor exists -has sent unemployment to a new high, and the stock market to a new low. -And you theorize about ethics, while denying us the only cure!" Jerry -found himself fighting a nearly irresistible impulse to smash his fist -into that too-perfect profile--which, he realized glumly, would only -prove the Ambassador's point about savages. - -"Here, here," the Ambassador said benevolently, "let's have another -drink. Then we'll see whether I can make it clear to you why the actual -importation of Matter Repositors would cause much more trouble on Earth -than the announcement of their existence, bad as the effect of that has -been. To begin with, I admit I made a very serious error in mentioning -the device at all before the U.N. Assembly. I intended merely to -explain how I came here without a spaceship. After that, I was flooded -with questions; I could no more avoid answering them than I could -courteously avoid answering the questions you've been asking today." - -"You mean you super-beings actually admit you're human enough to make -mistakes?" Jerry asked, somewhat mollified. - -"Of course we make mistakes. We try not to make the same one twice. -You see, we once made the mistake of importing Matter Repositors to a -planet whose natural resources and social concepts weren't adequate -for the device. That was a long time ago, and they haven't recovered -from the effects yet. Suppose a consignment of ten thousand Matter -Repositors arrived on Earth tomorrow. Under your economic system, who -would get them?" - -"The ten thousand people or corporations who had the most money to pay -for them, I guess. Unless government agencies grabbed 'em." - -"Can you guarantee that of the ten thousand people on Earth who have -the most money, not one is unscrupulous?" - -"Gosh, no!" Jerry said. "I don't think there's any doubt that to stay -in business very long, a man or a company has to have a certain amount -of business ethics. Nobody can gyp the public indefinitely. But a bank -robber might have a lot of cash, or a confidence man, or a cluck with a -big inheritance." - -"So, to be generous, let's assume that 9,999 of your wealthiest persons -are so ethical that they would never make any profit at the expense of -the general welfare. That leaves us one crook. What would he reposit -first?" - -"Hmm.... Maybe the gold at Fort Knox." - -"And what effect would that have on Earth's business?" - -"I'm not quite sure," Jerry admitted. "I'm no shark on monetary theory, -just the kind of large-scale salesman who makes mass production -possible. But it certainly wouldn't do the world situation any good." - -"Suppose, next, our crook holds the President of the United States for -ransom. Since he doesn't need money, the ransom price might be laws -which would grant him impunity for his crimes. If not, he could have an -accomplice reposit him out of jail, or even out of the electric chair, -before the switch was pulled." - -"That's enough! I get the idea!" Jerry exclaimed. - -"Wait--there's a more important point. Suppose a government you -consider the wrong government got hold of some of the machines. First, -of course, they'd reposit the world stockpile of atomic bombs. Then -they'd reposit disease bacteria into the bloodstreams of U.N. troops, -officials, and civilian workers, and reposit all the ammunition out -of U.N. guns. So long as there is one spark of nationalism left on -Earth, so long as any country has an economic and political system -they consider better than some other system, Matter Repositors would -mean planetary self-destruction. Now do you see why I was blunt and -unqualified?" - -"I do," Jerry said solemnly, "And I was a fool to fly off the handle -when you called us savages. We are savages, I can see that now. And -your people must be pretty damned godlike to be trusted with such an -invention!" - -"Not at all. To a Micronesian bushman, the pilot who can be trusted -with the power and speed of a B-29 seems a veritable god. But the pilot -is only an ordinary Joe, very likely no more intelligent than the -bushman--he just had a different background. Fighting each other for -necessities and luxuries, the process that you people call business -competition, has so long been needless to our people that they would -no more think of competitive gain than you would do an Indian harvest -dance before you signed a contract. They aren't necessarily more -intelligent or more virtuous than your people--they just have a -different background." - -"You seem to have devoted a lot of study to the larceny in the -Earthman's soul," Jerry put in. "What if we stole the secret from you, -whether you think it wise to give it to us or not? Suppose somebody -swiped the blueprints, or copied a Repositor you brought with you for -your own use?" - -The Ambassador smiled. "You might _try_ to steal it. That's why I -didn't bring a Repositor with me, to save you people the trouble of a -futile try." - -"Why futile?" - -"Well, the Matter Repositor is a simple device. Any child on the -Federated Planets who had an education, say, equivalent to your -technical high school education, could build a working model, even -without another Repositor to assist him. But Earth's best technicians -couldn't build one, even with either blueprints or a model to copy." - -"They couldn't, eh?" Jerry challenged, bristling again. "They managed -to split atoms, transmute elements, do a few little tricks like that." - -"I see I've been tactless again," the Ambassador said regretfully. -"Just now, you readily conceded that Earthmen are savages morally, but -when I seem to cast aspersions on your mechanical ability, it offends -your racial vanity. All right, let's go back to the B-29 pilot and the -intelligent bushman. The internal combustion engine that powers the -B-29 is a simple device in fundamental principle, isn't it?" - -"Sure," Jerry said. - -"Any high school boy who has taken a course in auto mechanics, who has -the requisite machine tools, metals, casting equipment, and fuel, could -build a working model of an internal combustion engine, couldn't he, -even without ready-made parts?" - -"If he wasn't all thumbs, he could." - -"All right. Now suppose the B-29 is grounded in the jungle. The bushman -is examining the engine. He's just as intelligent as the pilot, -remember, but his environment hasn't produced an oil well, let alone a -refinery. He has never seen a lathe or a micrometer. He has no mine, no -smelter. He can't copy that B-29 engine by whittling wood or chipping -stone, even if he's a born mechanical genius, and he can't run it on -seawater. So he says the plane flies by magic. Put him in the pilot -seat, and you'll admit it's practically inevitable that he'll crash." - -"Why do you take so much trouble to explain things?" Jerry asked wryly. -"I should have my head examined for not understanding it in the first -place." - -"Let's say I'm feebly trying to make amends for what my unfortunate -slip of the tongue has done to your business." - -"You've brought me around to your way of thinking, Mr. Ambassador," -Jerry said, recovering enough to carry the ball. "But it would be -impossible to sell the public on the idea that they shouldn't have -Repositors because they're too hot to handle. Statistics on auto -accidents never convinced anybody that he didn't want a nice, shiny, -new car. Nobody thinks he personally will get killed in traffic--he's -too smart. You can't convince a youngster he doesn't want candy before -dinner; he thinks he knows better than his parents. But you can hide -the candy, while putting an appetizing meal on the table." - -"Yes, except that I regrettably didn't hide the fact that the Matter -Repositor exists." - -"You sure didn't. And it puts you on a spot, doesn't it? I don't -imagine it will be much fun for you to report to your government that -one ill-considered remark, made shortly after your arrival, upset -Earth's economy." - -For the first time, the Ambassador's suavity was ruffled. Sweat stood -out on his noble forehead. "I've been hoping the bad-effects would die -down before I have to report," he confessed. - -"They won't die down by themselves. You know damned well they're -getting worse and worse, as word-of-mouth advertising about the Matter -Repositor spreads." Jerry leaned closer. "But you and I can get rid of -those bad effects." - -"How?" - -"Well, I'll tell you. When I came to see you, I was pretty sure you'd -turn me down cold on importing Matter Repositors. But I had an ace -up my sleeve. I hoped you would admit that the reason you've been -stalling on selling Earth any Repositors is that you don't really have -a practical one. I thought maybe rumors of the Repositor's powers -had been vastly exaggerated. If you admitted that, I intended to -publicize it to the limit. A campaign to convince Earthmen that you'd -been kidding them would work, because it plays on John Q. Public's -conviction that he's pretty smart, too smart to believe all this gab -about a gadget he's never seen. With your denial to back me up, I could -put it across. It would be a lifesaving shot in the arm for Earth -business." - -"You mean," the Ambassador said reflectively, "that if I call myself -a liar--if I actually become a liar in so doing--I can patch up the -damage I've done? That puts me in a difficult ethical position." - -"Not as difficult as the one you're in now. If it will make it easier -for you, I can word your denial in a face-saving way, and have it ready -for your signature Tuesday. You have a remarkable command of colloquial -English, but even a diplomat using his native tongue can't juggle the -connotations and inferences like an advertising man." - -"It's very kind of you to offer your professional skill in my behalf. I -think I should pay you a fee for the copy." - -"Skip it," Jerry said generously, fingering the nickel and two pennies -in his pocket. "A small token of my appreciation for the patience -you've shown. What time Tuesday?" - -"Say two o'clock?" - -"Fine. But before I spend my time on this, you're not going to make the -same deal with somebody else, are you?" - -"Deal? Did I make a deal?" - -"What I mean, nobody else has approached you with the idea that Earth -business would get back to normal if you would deny that a practical -Matter Repositor exists? You'd say I have exclusive rights to the idea?" - -"Nobody has," the Ambassador said, "and I agree to give you exclusive -rights." - -"Good! With your signed denial, I can raise the loot. I think the -N.A.M. will go for it. The campaign will have to be well-financed, -you see; the amount of space the news columns will give to your denial -may be as much as they gave to your original statement, but that alone -won't do the job. It's much harder to kill a notion that has penetrated -the public mind than it is to implant one." - - * * * * * - -The Ambassador indulged in a chuckle. "I'm beginning to see daylight. -My signed denial in your hands becomes a salable piece of merchandise, -worth far more than I would pay you for a few lines of copy. Well, more -power to you! Would it be out of place for me to contribute some of the -funds for publicizing this denial?" - -"How much?" Jerry asked practically. - -"Well," the Ambassador explained, "I've had nothing reposited that I -could avoid. But since your planet has a monetary exchange, I had to -pay for my office help, lodging, and so on. Synthesizing coinage would -have been counterfeiting, which is against your laws, so I merely had -a moderate amount of uncoined gold reposited, and I sell it on the -regular Earth market as I need funds. Gold has no particular value on -the Federated Planets, of course. I could get whatever you need, so -long as it isn't enough to disrupt the economy any more than--well, -than I have already. Let's limit ourselves to an amount that could be -accounted for by an unusually good year in mining." - -"Sold!" Jerry said happily. "I think I can struggle along on a million -a month retainer. Plus the usual fifteen per cent on advertising -space and printing, of course; I'll have an estimate on that for you -Tuesday. Since you can finance the whole campaign yourself, we'll -leave the N.A.M. out of it. That way I can spare you the humiliation -of signing an outright denial. All you have to do from now on is -to keep mum. Don't even admit that you're the angel financing this -campaign; that would make it look phony. I'll assign you three personal -public-relations men, on twenty-four-hour shift. All your public -remarks are to screen through them." - -"But how can I conceal my identity when I'm sponsoring the campaign?" -the Ambassador objected. - -"That's easy. The ostensible sponsor will be a dummy organization -called--um--the Consumers Fact Finding Board. Nobody but me needs to -know who signs the checks." - -"How long will this campaign continue?" - -"I figure it'll take about six months to sell the public this -particular bill of goods. Once we get business revived, the best thing -is never to mention the words Matter Repositor again, not even to deny -its existence. The ultimate goal is to make people forget they ever -heard of such a gadget. The more convincing I make it, the quicker I'll -work myself out of a job." - -"I should think you'd make it last as long as possible; that's why I -asked you for a time-limit. Do you _want_ to work yourself out of a -job?" - -"You bet I do! Then I can start selling a bigger item, launch a -longer-term promotion, one that will last till Earth gets civilized, -till I don't have anything more to sell. From what you say, that will -take a lot longer than I'll live." - -"It may be none of my business, but what is this big item you propose -to sell next?" the Ambassador asked, curiously. - -"Earth," Jerry said. - -The Ambassador looked confused. "I'm afraid I don't understand." - -"Didn't you just get through telling me, in effect, that any of your -people who came to Earth could have all the money they wanted to spend? -Well, I'm going to run advertising copy on the Federated Planets, and -get them to come here and spend it." - -"But I also told you that advertising is unknown on the Federated -Planets!" the Ambassador protested. - -"All the better. Your people, then, will have less sales resistance -than an audience of Earth kindergarten kids, who have had spot -commercials dinned into their ears since birth. The only problem is -space and time." - -"The Matter Repositor has effectively solved the problems of space and -time." - -"No, I mean space and time as an advertising man uses those terms. -Newspaper and magazine space, radio and TV time. Do you have any -newspapers out there?" - -"We have very little you would classify as news. No wars, no stock -market, no crime, no epidemics, no political mudslinging, few -accidents. But we do have information bulletins, of course." - -"Fine! Besides that million a month retainer, I want an exclusive -contract to run advertising copy in the information bulletins on the -Federated Planets." - -"This is completely unprecedented!" - -"You want to get out of this mess you're in, don't you? I'm the boy who -can get you out, and that's my price." - -"You drive a hard bargain, Mr. Jergins. Very well, I'll arrange it. But -I'm getting you the contract only because I'm certain your excursion -idea won't work. Oh, I know Earth men want to visit the Federated -Planets; I've had plenty of requests. I've had to explain repeatedly -that we must hold to our announced policy of no ambassador from Earth, -and no exchange students, until Earth has completed a few more steps in -the development of her civilization. But surely none of our people will -come to Earth, aside from a few students of comparative civilizations. -Our general public can view samples of your national costumes, -automobiles, and so on, in the museums. I can't see why they should -want to come here, while Earth is still in a primitive and dangerous -stage." - -"You can't, eh? Well, you might be surprised, Mr. Ambassador, you -might be surprised. For the time being, just picture yourself as the -pilot of that B-29, grounded on a primitive little island in space. -You've met a poor, ignorant bushman. He couldn't reproduce your plane -to save his neck. He can't manufacture a single gadget you'd want to -buy. Nevertheless, you're about to see a demonstration of a few tricks -of survival that your super-civilized race has forgotten--or, rather, -never knew. I think you'll cook up into a right tasty dish." - - * * * * * - -Four days later, the Better Business Bureau of Oskaloosa, Iowa, -nabbed a questionable character who had accepted deposits from local -businessmen, in return for elaborately printed but worthless contracts -to deliver Matter Repositors. - -The warning flash crossed similar warnings from New Orleans, Reno, -Milwaukee, and the Borough of Queens, with a particularly hysterical -note injected by Los Angeles, where the populace had proved most -susceptible to the bogus agents. The news of a national ring of -confidence artists, capitalizing on people's desire for Matter -Repositors, ran in all papers, of course. The editors as yet hadn't the -faintest idea that they were printing carefully engineered publicity. - -Before he even got his space contracts lined up, Jerry had accomplished -quite a feat. He had fixed things so that, if the Ambassador from Outer -Space himself had changed his mind, and imported a cargo of genuine -Matter Repositors, he would have had some trouble convincing people he -wasn't a crook. - -In a record two weeks, the campaign proper was ready to roll. It was -long on white space, and the copy was so short that, after glancing -at it a few times, you found that you had involuntarily committed it -to memory. In the center of blank pages in all major metropolitan -newspapers appeared a small want-ad, stating that the Consumers Fact -Finding Board had deposited with a New York bank the sum of one million -dollars in cash, _after taxes_, which would be paid to any person, -terrestrial or extraterrestrial, who could produce a Matter Repositor -capable of repositing an object weighing two pounds a distance of ten -feet. - -The offer was repeated daily for a month, and from the second day -forward, there was a large, red overprint, looking like a crayon -scrawl, which said, "No Takers to Date who Can Deliver the Goods!" - -The idea was pounded into the public mind by carcards, billboards, -direct mail, and annoying telephone solicitors, who got subscribers -out of bathtub and bed to ask them whether they had a Matter Repositor -around the house they wanted to sell for a million dollars. Skywriters -by day and illuminated blimps by night made sure the literate could not -escape the message. Radio and TV singing and cartoon commercials took -care of the illiterate. - -No conclusions were drawn in the copy. Each "prospect" was left with -the comfortable feeling that his own superior intellect and powers of -deduction had supplied the answer. No Matter Repositor turned up for -sale, so everyone was sure there was no such thing. The whole campaign, -like other advertising campaigns before it, depended on what people -failed to consider. They neglected to realize that a million dollars -would be a joke to the owner of a Matter Repositor, who could reposit -all the wealth on Earth, including the million in the New York bank, -but would have no use for money, since he could reposit usable goods. -The magic phrase "a million dollars" was a worldwide symbol for all -desirable material things. It would have been almost heresy to reflect -that even that much cash had no actual value. - - * * * * * - -As Jerry promised, the Ambassador didn't have to issue an official -denial. His chief public relations man quite truthfully admitted -to reporters that the Ambassador had no Matter Repositor in his -possession, a dispatch carried by all wire services, and snickered at -by clever columnists. - -In basements and garages, persons of good, bad, and indifferent -mechanical ability strove to earn the million. The U.S. patent office -was inundated with models and drawings of unworkable devices. One of -the Duke University subjects tried to patent his ability to influence -the fall of dice mentally. - -During the next session of the Congress, Jerry's crack lobbyists raised -a great howl about the shameful congestion in the Patent Office, not -mentioning, of course, that they were employed by the man who had -created the congestion, by offering a million dollars for a device he -knew no Earthman could build. - -Another dummy organization, dubbed the Inventors Protective League, -sponsored a bill to amend the act relating to perpetual motion -machines. It passed, with an emergency clause, and, thereafter, devices -purporting to reposit matter were not entitled to letters of patent. - -This just about clinched the deal, for the vast majority of people, -who had never watched laws enacted, assumed that if something was in -the law, there must be a good reason for it, unless, of course, it was -anything like prohibition. - -A name band revived "The Thing," leaving the drumbeats out of the vocal -refrain, and substituting, "Get out of here with that Matter Repositor, -before I call a cop!" Within six months, radio and TV comedians had -worn out the joke. Even Goofy, My Friend Irma, Mrs. Ace, and Gracie -Allen were too sophisticated to believe in Matter Repositors. Gags -about them dropped to the same low level as those about Brooklyn and -joke-stealing comics. - -Although his appearance in public was liable to start boos and -catcalls, the Ambassador from Outer Space was duly grateful. He was -spared the painful necessity of reporting his disastrous slip of the -tongue to his government, for Earth economy was again on the upward -spiral. Everybody was spending the money he'd been saving up for a -Matter Repositor. - -The Ambassador cheerfully paid the million-a-month retainer and the -whopping space bills, but Jerry's greatest gain in the transaction was -his agreement allowing him to run advertising in the Federated Planets -information bulletins. The space didn't cost him a nickel. Yet he knew -how to sell his exclusive rights to it for more money than any one -Earth company had in its promotional budget. - -By the time the campaign debunking the Matter Repositor was ready -to die a natural death, Jerry had started an organization of Earth -businessmen, spearheaded by the Restaurant and Hotel Associations, and -the transportation interests, to promote Earth as a primitive planet. -The primitive aspects of Earth, Jerry predicted, would exert a powerful -appeal on the citizens of the Federated Planets, who must be pretty -bored with civilization, and badly in need of a vacation from too much -perfection. - -This organization was not composed of dummies, by any means, but the -businessmen joined up with a vague idea that their hostelries were to -be way-stations, that they were going to promote sightseeing tours to -places they themselves would call primitive, that the human exhibits -would consist of blanketed Navajos, Chinese coolies, hula girls, Voodoo -dancers, and Eskimos. - -Jerry filled the biggest convention hall in Chicago, and, at the climax -of the proceedings, dramatically drew back a velvet curtain, unveiling -a huge painting of the symbol of the campaign--a masked bandit, wearing -a slouch hat, clutching in a greedy hand a fat bag marked with a dollar -sign. Below was blazoned the tasteful slogan, "Let the People of Earth -Gyp You!" - -A chorus of outrage echoed in the rafters. It hadn't occurred to the -members that primitive exhibit A would be themselves; to wit, the genus -Earth businessman; sub-species, go-getter. Jerry emerged from the -resulting argument somewhat battered, but with what any experienced -advertising man would recognize as a victory. His copy was to run in -five per cent of the space, keyed. Now all he had to do was prove in -dollars and cents that he knew more about mass sales psychology than -his clients, which was, of course, a cinch. - -In spite of translation into a more civilized language, Jerry's five -per cent of the space out-pulled the tamer ninety-five per cent by -better than ten to one. Thereafter, his clients swallowed their pride, -voted him a free hand, and contented themselves with raking in the -shekels from a steady stream of handsome and rich extraterrestrial -tourists. - - * * * * * - -After Jerry's tourist promotion had been running two years, the U.S. -Post Office broke down and printed an issue of three-cent stamps -commemorating the influx, showing the goddess Terra with welcoming arms -open to the starred heavens. Jerry Jergins, the second advertising man -in history to achieve the distinction of having Uncle Sam plug his -product on a stamp, thereby entered the most select circles of his -chosen profession. - -Jerry bought enough of the stamps to paper the walls of his swank and -spacious penthouse offices, for the benefit of the swarm of tourists -who invaded the place daily during afternoon open-house hours. They all -wanted to see an advertising agency; to them, this phenomenon was the -essence of that primitive planet, Earth. Jerry had recorded a lecture -on primitive Earth customs which issued from concealed loudspeakers, -and filled display cases with exhibits of primitive Earth culture, -emphasizing the aspects he felt these extraterrestrials would find most -exotic. - -Considering the fact that Jerry had managed to learn little about the -Federated Planets that was not utterly essential to the mechanics -of his advertising campaign there, he had done a pretty good job of -"getting on the customer's side of the counter." Every tourist Jerry -talked to had been conditioned, by some unrevealed but apparently -foolproof process, not to repeat the Ambassador's error of mentioning -Matter Repositors, or other aspects of life on the Federated Planets -that might cause repercussions on Earth. Even tourist children couldn't -be bribed with lollypops. Tourists talked a great deal, in fluent -idiomatic Earth English, yet somehow said very little. - -But Jerry knew at least one thing--he was stirring emotions that lay -so deep under layers and layers of civilization that these shining, -perfect people hadn't known they were capable of feeling them, until -they visited Earth. He was getting under their smooth skins, just as -surely as the monotone of a Haitian drum-beat gets under the skin of a -New Yorker. - -One of the display cases contained the working tools of -gangsterism--sawed-off shotguns, blackjacks, a model of a bullet-proof -automobile, a news photo of the St. Valentine's Day massacre, a -clipping about police payoffs from houses of gambling and prostitution, -another about blindness resulting from wood alcohol. The shot-glasses -of authentic antique bootleg gin that stood on top the cases were often -smelled but never sampled. - -The second case showed a chart of fluctuations of the stock market, -with an actual operating ticker in the middle. Sections of the tape -were much in demand as souvenirs. But the photo of a smashed body of -a once-wealthy man who jumped from his office window after losing his -fortune caused the most comment. The tourists found it difficult to -understand how this man could consider his life less important than his -bank balance. - -The largest case contained models of war weapons, a lurid painting of -Pearl Harbor under aerial attack, another of the Hiroshima mushroom -that ushered in the atomic age. There were gas masks, artificial limbs, -a photo of a blinded veteran led by a Seeing-Eye dog. The tourists -gaped at that exhibit with all the relish of Coney Island crowds -visiting wax replicas of famous murder scenes. - -And along the entire 40-foot wall of the reception room, a photo-mural -of a ragged, depression-era breadline brooded over the sleek heads of -the beautifully dressed and elaborately fed tourists. - -On his way back to the office after lunch one day, Jerry spied a -traffic-stopping cluster of humanity in the street outside one of the -city's leading department stores. The crowd was gathered around a -paddy-wagon. Never diffident, Jerry elbowed his way through the crush, -to see two handsome and once well-groomed gentlemen getting a mussing -up from a couple of cops. The suspects, athletic-looking characters, -were putting up a good fight, and the policemen didn't like it. As -Jerry watched, a billy descended on a well-barbered head, and suspect -number one ceased resisting arrest. - -Jerry had come into contact with enough extraterrestrials by now so -that he knew a tourist when he saw one. The male tourists gave him a -violent pain in the neck, but he felt somewhat responsible. He grabbed -an elbow of the suspect who remained conscious. - -"Give me your name, bud, and I'll bail you out. What happened?" - -"Oh, we just took a few things off the counters in that store," the -tourist answered. "You're very kind, but we have plenty of money for -bail, thanks. Or is it a bribe you're supposed to hand them?" - -"If you have plenty of money, why in hell didn't you buy the stuff, -instead of stealing it?" - -"We just thought we'd have a bit of a lark. New experience and all -that. When on Earth, do as the Earthmen do." - -"A lark!" the biggest policeman grunted. "We'll give you a lark, -all right! Get in there, you!" He implemented his command with a -well-placed kick in the seat of a pair of expertly tailored pants, -boosting the tourist into the paddy-wagon, where his unconscious friend -had already been deposited. - -The siren screamed, dispersing the crowd in front of the police -vehicle, and Jerry went on his way, chuckling. As he passed a -hole-in-the-wall bar he knew, he decided to stop for a quick one, to -settle the heavy feeling in his stomach that came from eating lobster -Newburg for lunch. It wasn't a place where you'd care to take a lady, -but they served an honest ounce. - -As Jerry pushed through the old-fashioned swinging doors, a burst -of sound greeted him. A whiskey baritone was rendering one of the -unpublishable versions of "Christopher Columbo," to the accompaniment -of a piano tinkle by the hired help. The customer was obviously from -the other side of the tracks--from the other side of the Galaxy, in -fact--and he was leaning against the piano for the simple reason that -he couldn't stand up. - -He wore a well-cut California-style dinner jacket, and after all night -and half the day, the white gabardine was no longer white. Several -drinks had been spilled on the midnight-blue flannel trousers. Only a -magnificent physique distinguished him from the Earth or garden variety -of drunk. - -Jerry stood up to the bar, and as his eyes became accustomed to the -dimness, he observed a touching--literally--scene being enacted in the -darkest booth. An Earthside racetrack tout, whom Jerry recognized as -one of the habitues of the place, had a gorgeous female tourist backed -into a corner. She had retreated as far as the wall permitted, but he -had long since caught up. - -Her jaunty, elbow-length chinchilla cape lay on the wet table. Her -exquisitely simple strapless dinner dress of silver lamé exposed arms -and shoulders that were literally out of this world. The naked effect -was relieved only by a diamond, platinum, and emerald choker. Jerry -knew, though the racetrack tout probably didn't, that the priceless -bauble was Repositor--synthesized, with an Earth museum piece as a -model. - -It was a tossup whether the race track tout was more interested in the -diamonds or the tempting flesh they adorned. The girl made no attempt -to fight him off. The reason for her acquiescence was not far to seek. -The glass before her contained the remains of a "Pink Lady," which -tastes like an ice-cream soda and kicks like four Kentucky mules. - -She moved her left hand to pick up the glass, and Jerry caught the -flash of a circlet of channel-set baguette diamonds on the third -finger. He concluded that she was the wife of the whiskey baritone. -That worthy seemed utterly unconcerned about the whole thing, so why -should Jerry interfere? - -The racetrack tout left his conquest momentarily, walked over to the -bar, handed the bartender a five-spot. Without comment, the bartender -took down a key tagged 13 from a hook, and the turf expert pocketed -it. There was a dingy sign reading "Hotel" outside; Jerry had always -supposed the floors above contained equally dingy furnished rooms. - -The beautiful tourist's silver heels mounted the back stairs -unsteadily. The tout was half steering her, half supporting her. The -man was sober enough to know exactly what he was doing. When she came -back down those stairs, she would be minus not only her virtue, but -her diamond necklace as well. - -"Oh, he knew the world was round-o, that sailors could be found-o," the -whiskey baritone sang lustily. - -Jerry left the saloon with a bad taste in his mouth. As he passed -through the electric-eye doorway of his office suite, he had the -impression that the too perfect inhabitants of all the color -advertising pages he had turned out in past years had suddenly come to -life. Handsome tourists were moving, in chattering groups, from one -display case to another. - -Their chatter, as usual, gave him few clues. He still harbored a -suspicion that on their home planets, these lovely people might be -symbiotes in the bodies of lower animals, or loathsome but intellectual -worms. But he never had any success when he tried to pump them about -whether they were like Earth inhabitants at home, or were issued these -magnificent bodies and faces along with their passports to Earth. - -His unreasoning dislike of the males was undoubtedly part jealousy, -for they were all tall, handsome, well-dressed, and athletic enough to -be signed en masse by Hollywood. But the universal utter perfection of -limb, features, and complexion, was not at all repulsive in the female. -It was quite decorative to have a whole chorus of toothsome girls in -Paris gowns cluttering up the office. - -Jerry had never seen one of them use a lipstick, rouge, or an -eyebrow pencil. The cosmetic business was one of the few that had -not profited from the tourist trade, except insofar as lady tourists -bought costly perfumes, and Earthgirls strove to mimic the natural--or -unnatural--coloring of the fair visitors. A few tourists brought their -children along, and here the firm, rosy, unblemished skin was in its -proper element. Tourist children were not one whit more cherubic than -well-favored children of Earth. - -A guide from the Conducted Tours Company arrived to round up a -batch of tourists, for a visit to the local jails, flop-houses, and -gambling dens. He announced they would go by bus, and the horrified -yet delighted whoops that greeted this news reminded Jerry of a Boston -society dowager who had just been invited to ride on a camel. - -As the crowd trickled out the doors, a lovely vision in platinum blonde -laid a slender hand on Jerry's arm. - -"Are you really the man who first thought of inviting us to this quaint -and delightful planet?" she gushed. - -"I guess I am, lady. How do you like it?" - -"Oh, it's so primitive! So elemental! Everybody used to think visiting -backward planets was dull and scholarly stuff. It took _you_ to show us -how thrilling and exciting it can be!" - -"I'm glad to hear you say that. Some of the tourists are complaining -that Earth isn't as primitive as the Tourist Bureau advertising makes -it out to be." - -"Oh, you _do_ exaggerate a wee, tiny bit, but it's all in good fun, -isn't it? On the whole, I'm not disappointed--especially not in the -_men_!" She fluttered eyelashes, so long and dark that they looked -artificial, at him. - -"The men?" Jerry asked blankly. - -"Oh, come, come!" the platinum blonde breathed throatily into his ear. -"Don't pretend to be so innocent! You must have heard of the simply -_terrific_ reputation Earthmen have acquired on other planets as -masterful lovers!" - -"It's news to me," Jerry admitted, "but it sounds like a good drawing -card. I'll try to work something like that into our ads." - -"Always thinking about business, aren't you? Why don't you think of -something else, for a change? Me, for instance. Don't you feel a little -bit sorry for a girl like me, with nothing but perfectly civilized men -to go home to?" the girl pouted invitingly. - -Jerry found himself, by imperceptible stages, being backed into a -corner. Well, well, he thought. Perhaps he'd been too harsh in judging -that racetrack tout. - -"Since you mention it," Jerry said, "I'm not averse to playing the role -of Galactic beachboy." - -"What does a beachboy do?" - -"I'd blush to explain it verbally to a girl unaccustomed to primitive -Earth customs, but I'm pretty good at sign language. How about dinner -tonight?" - -"Well ... if you'll let me pay the check. I do so adore this amazing -Earth custom of exchanging food for little slips of paper." - -"The pleasure is all yours, sister. See you at the Ritz main dining -room--eight o'clock. Soup and fish. Afterward, we'll look at my -photo-murals. Now toddle along, baby, if you want to catch the bus to -see those hoboes." - -Jerry was walking on the Milky Way. Aside from the profits, this job -had its esthetic side, he decided. His exuberance was slightly dampened -by the grim expression on his secretary's face. - -"A very important man has been waiting to see you," she said -disapprovingly. "I sent him into your office. The least I could do was -put him where he wouldn't have to smell all the perfume these brazen -tourist women use. It's enough to make a person ill!" - -In the visitor's chair before Jerry's mother-of-pearl inlaid desk, -the Ambassador from Outer Space was waiting, staring morosely at the -endlessly repeated welcoming goddess Terra on Jerry's wall stamp -collection. - -"Well, as I live and breathe!" Jerry exclaimed, "a real, live B-29 -pilot! Welcome to my humble grass shack! Scotch? Cigar? What can I do -for you?" - -"You can put out your bonfire, cannibal," the Ambassador said, gruffly. -"I think I've stewed enough." - -"Why are you tough, then?" Jerry asked. "At me, I mean. I thought I was -your best friend in this here jungle. Didn't I do you a favor once, Mr. -Ambassador?" - -"A _favor_? I paid you well for it! Not only in money, but by getting -advertising space for your precious Tourist Bureau on the Federated -Planets. I never thought it would lead to this!" - -"You thought my copy wouldn't pull, eh? Not even after I'd demonstrated -I could make Earth opinion do a flip-flop on that Matter Repositor -deal?" - -"Oh, I was quite sure you could manipulate Earthmen. That's your job. -But I didn't believe our people would respond in such numbers to an -appeal to primitive emotions!" - -"You weren't alone in that," Jerry said smugly. "Some very prominent -members, of our organization wanted to make the campaign more -civilized. I showed them where they were wrong. Can't you see that your -people are fed up with civilization, right up to their pretty white -necks? The very essence of Earth's appeal to them is that a trip here -gives them a chance to relax their ethics, to play at going native." - -"Don't rub it in!" The Ambassador shuddered. - -"It's nothing new. Tourists have always kicked up their heels. Guess -what I saw while I was out to lunch. The cops grabbed a couple of your -boys for shoplifting! They thought it was such fun to ride in the -paddy-wagon. Back home, of course, they wouldn't think of repositing -anything they weren't supposed to, but on Earth it's different." - -"And for monkeyshines like that," the Ambassador growled, "I am -driven half crazy working out sleep-record courses. '_Idioms of Earth -English_'--'_What Not to Say on Backward Planets and Why_'--'_Earth -Fashion Guide, What You Can Buy There and What to Reposit_.' Bah! I'm -supposed to be a diplomat, not a fashion adviser!" - -"Why don't you hire some help?" Jerry suggested. - -"I have. I've hired a whole staff, with offices in all major Earth -cities, to exchange platinum, bullion, and precious stones for Earth -currencies. It's a man-sized job, I can tell you, to keep Earth -currencies stable under this load!" - -"You're doing a very good job," Jerry said, soothingly. - -"You know what one of our citizens asked me yesterday? _How she could -get a marriage license!_ Your officials had turned her down, because -she'd been conditioned not to mention her birthplace and age. Mind you, -a citizen of the Federated Planets wanted to marry an Earthman and live -on this raw, Galactic frontier the rest of her life! Why, we don't even -know whether the races can cross-breed!" - -"That should be looked into," Jerry agreed. - -"What are you trying to do?" the Ambassador demanded, "Drag the -citizens of the Federated Planets down to the level of your jungle? -You blithely assume those two shoplifters can be trusted with Matter -Repositors when they get back home, but I'm not so sure. We haven't -any jails to toss them into, but we may have to establish some. -Matter-Repositor-proof jails!" - -"That's your problem," Jerry said. "All I'm trying to do is make some -money for myself and, other businessmen on Earth. Which I'm doing, -thank you. And I doubt that you could stop me, at this point. Your -citizens would raise quite a howl if my ads stopped appearing in the -information bulletins." - -"Money!" the Ambassador exclaimed, "All you Earthmen think about is -money!" He leaned over Jerry's desk. "What if you could reposit the -money--the gold, that is--without all the work you have to put into -entertaining these tourists?" - -"Hmm," Jerry said, thinking of his date for that evening, and other -equally lovely tourists. "Money isn't the only thing in life. And don't -forget the income tax. I've got to have some deductible expenses." - -"Knowing you, I'd bet you could figure out some way of handling that -little detail." - -"What's your proposition?" - -"Two years ago, you came to my office, wanting to import Matter -Repositors. I told you Earth's civilization wasn't ready for them." - -"We still aren't, according to what you say about our avaricious -instincts." - -"No, you're not. But you have methods of manipulating public opinion -and attitudes that are far more advanced than those found on other -planets." - -"So you admit that Earth is advanced in _something_!" Jerry said -happily. - -"How would you like to have the name of Jerry Jergins go down in your -history as the originator of the most significant public-relations -campaign ever undertaken on this planet?" the Ambassador asked, -temptingly. "You can handle it, if any man on Earth can." - -"Softsoaping me again! What's the campaign? I'll listen to it, but I -don't know whether I'll buy it." - -"Your job would be to get Earth's psychology and sociology ready for -the Matter Repositor." - -Jerry reflected. "You mean I'd have to eliminate war, supplement the -Voice of America, and so on? I'd have certain advantages over the Voice -of America, at that. I wouldn't have a bunch of politicians playing -football with my appropriations." - -"This campaign would have to go further and deeper than the Voice of -America. You might call it the Voice of Conscience. Its aim would be -to make every human being on Earth care more about the welfare of his -fellow-man than he cares about his own." - -"A couple of thousand years back," Jerry said, soberly, "a better -Promoter than I tried to put that idea across. The campaign He started -is still running. It's taken hold in some quarters, but I wouldn't say -public acceptance is anything like worldwide yet." - -"Then you don't think you can do it?" the Ambassador asked, his -eagerness somewhat deflated. - -"I'm not committing myself to whether I could or couldn't. I could put -the Ten Commandments on an international hookup. Thou shalt not steal. -Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor his goods. I could get Walt Disney to -dramatize the golden rule." - -"Ah, I see you have some ideas for the copy already," the Ambassador -said. "I thought I could get you interested in it. Then you'll sign a -contract?" - -"No," Jerry said, briefly and definitely. - -"Now, wait a minute, Mr. Jergins," the Ambassador protested. "Why -do you suddenly become blunt and unqualified? Do you realize what -I'm offering you? In return for ceasing this tourist promotion, I'm -offering you the invention that obsolesces all others--the Matter -Repositor!" - -Jerry stood up and placed the palms of his hands flat on his desk. -"I told you that you'd learn something in our primitive jungle, Mr. -Ambassador. Well, this is it. We may be mechanical morons, according -to your standards, but we naked savages can produce anything we need. -Since we've corrected the misconception that what Earth produces isn't -good enough for Earthmen, and whipped up a tourist trade, business is -booming. And when it booms, we can distribute those Earth products in a -way that suits us pretty well. A primitive way, you may think, but one -that is adapted to the unfortunate circumstance that we aren't a bunch -of little tin saints living in an ideal world. - -"I asked you for Matter Repositors once, and you were wise enough to -turn me down. I'm glad you did. They'd cause us more trouble than the -atomic bomb. We don't want the damn things. Do _you_ understand _that_?" - -On sudden impulse, Jerry strode across his office. There stood a large -and brilliantly colored object, jarring oddly with the other furniture. -Sometimes at a loss to spend his newly acquired wealth, Jerry had -yielded, a month or so before, to a desire conceived in childhood to -own a real honest-to-goodness juke box. - -Jerry fished in his pocket for a nickel, deposited it in the slot, -pushed button seven. Loud, tinny, and offensively blatant, the strains -of "I Don't Wanna Leave the Congo" filled the office, effectively -drowning out any further remarks the Ambassador from Outer Space might -have wished to make. - -"If you'll pardon me," Jerry shouted over the din, "I have some arrow -heads to chip--and a potential extraterrestrial mate to woo with a -quaint tribal ritual we call dating on Earth." - - - - - -End of Project Gutenberg's The Pilot and the Bushman, by Sylvia Jacobs - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PILOT AND THE BUSHMAN *** - -***** This file should be named 51297-8.txt or 51297-8.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/1/2/9/51297/ - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Thus, we do not necessarily -keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. - - -Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: - - http://www.gutenberg.org - -This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, -including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to -subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. diff --git a/old/51297-8.zip b/old/51297-8.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 2d1af70..0000000 --- a/old/51297-8.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/51297-h.zip b/old/51297-h.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 2a0a131..0000000 --- a/old/51297-h.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/51297-h/51297-h.htm b/old/51297-h/51297-h.htm deleted file mode 100644 index 699c83b..0000000 --- a/old/51297-h/51297-h.htm +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1654 +0,0 @@ -<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" - "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> -<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> - <head> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=us-ascii" /> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> - <title> - The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Pilot and the Bushman, by Sylvia Jacobs. - </title> - <link rel="coverpage" href="images/cover.jpg" /> - - <style type="text/css"> - -body { - margin-left: 10%; - margin-right: 10%; -} - - h1,h2 { - text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ - clear: both; -} - -p { - margin-top: .51em; - text-align: justify; - margin-bottom: .49em; -} - -hr { - width: 33%; - margin-top: 2em; - margin-bottom: 2em; - margin-left: 33.5%; - margin-right: 33.5%; - clear: both; -} - -hr.chap {width: 65%; margin-left: 17.5%; margin-right: 17.5%;} -hr.tb {width: 45%; margin-left: 27.5%; margin-right: 27.5%;} - -.center {text-align: center;} - -.right {text-align: right;} - -.caption {font-weight: bold;} - -/* Images */ -.figcenter { - margin: auto; - text-align: center; -} - -div.titlepage { - text-align: center; - page-break-before: always; - page-break-after: always; -} - -div.titlepage p { - text-align: center; - text-indent: 0em; - font-weight: bold; - line-height: 1.5; - margin-top: 3em; -} - -.ph1, .ph2, .ph3, .ph4 { text-align: center; text-indent: 0em; font-weight: bold; } -.ph1 { font-size: xx-large; margin: .67em auto; } -.ph2 { font-size: x-large; margin: .75em auto; } -.ph3 { font-size: large; margin: .83em auto; } -.ph4 { font-size: medium; margin: 1.12em auto; } - - - </style> - </head> -<body> - - -<pre> - -The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Pilot and the Bushman, by Sylvia Jacobs - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: The Pilot and the Bushman - -Author: Sylvia Jacobs - -Release Date: March 1, 2016 [EBook #51297] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PILOT AND THE BUSHMAN *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - -</pre> - - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/cover.jpg" width="364" height="500" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="titlepage"> -<h1>THE PILOT AND THE BUSHMAN</h1> - -<p>By SYLVIA JACOBS</p> - -<p>Illustrated by DAVID STONE</p> - -<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br /> -Galaxy Science Fiction August 1951.<br /> -Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br /> -the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p> - -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p class="ph3">Technological upheavals caused by inventions of our own are<br /> -bad enough, but this was the ultimate depression, caused by<br /> -the ultimate alien invention—which no Earthman ever saw!</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>The Ambassador from Outer Space sprang to his feet, taking Jerry's -extended hand in a firm, warm grasp. Jerry had been prepared for -almost anything—a scholarly brontosaurus, perhaps, or an educated -squid or giant caterpillar with telepathic powers. But the Ambassador -didn't even have antennae, gills, or green hair. He was a completely -normal and even handsome human being.</p> - -<p>"Scotch? Cigar?" the Ambassador offered cordially. "How can I help you, -Mr. Jergins?"</p> - -<p>Studying him, Jerry decided there <i>was</i> something peculiar about this -extraterrestrial, after all. He was too perfect. His shave was too -close, his skin so unblemished as to suggest wax-works. Every strand of -his distinguished iron-gray hair was impeccably placed. The negligent -and just-right drape of his clothes covered a body shaped like a Sixth -Century B.C. piece of Greek sculpture. No mere human could have looked -so unruffled, so utterly groomed, at three o'clock in the afternoon, in -a busy office. A race, Jerry wondered, capable of taking any shape at -will, in mimicry of the indigenous race of any planet?</p> - -<p>"You <i>can</i> help me, but I'm not sure you <i>will</i>," Jerry said. "The -rumor is that you won't do anything to ease this buyers' strike you -started on Earth."</p> - -<p>The Ambassador smiled. "You're a man who's not used to taking no for an -answer, I gather. What's your proposition?"</p> - -<p>"I'd like to contact some of the firms on the Federated Planets, show -them how I could promote their merchandise on Earth. Earth is already -clamoring for their goods. To establish a medium of exchange, we'd have -to run simultaneous campaigns, promoting Earth merchandise on other -planets."</p> - -<p>"That would be difficult, even for a man of your promotional ability," -the Ambassador said winningly. "You see, Earth is the only planet -we've yet discovered where advertising—or promotion, to use the -broader term—exists as a social and economic force."</p> - -<p>"How in hell can anybody do business without it?" Jerry demanded.</p> - -<p>"We don't do business in the sense you mean. Don't mistake me," the -Ambassador added hastily, "we don't have precisely a communal economy, -either. Our very well defined sense of ethics in regard to material -goods is something I find impossible to describe in any Earth language. -It's quite simple, so simple that you have to grow up with it to -understand it. Our whole attitude toward material goods is conditioned -by the Matter Repositor."</p> - -<p>"<i>That</i> gadget!" Jerry said bitterly. "It was when you first mentioned -it before the U.N. Assembly that all this trouble on Earth started. -Everybody and his brother hopes that tomorrow he can buy a Matter -Repositor, and never have to buy anything again. I came here mostly -to ask you whether it's really true, that if you have one of those -dinguses, you can bring anything you want into your living room."</p> - -<p>"You <i>can</i>. In practice, of course, repositing just anything that took -your fancy would produce economic anarchy."</p> - -<p>"Let's put it this way," Jerry persisted. "Home appliances were my -biggest accounts. Now, when we try to sell a refrigerator, the prospect -says she's saving her cash till Matter Repositors get on the Earth -market. She plans to reposit a refrigerator—not from her neighbor's -kitchen, because that would be stealing—but from the factory. If the -factory goes bust, people figure the government will have to subsidize -building appliances. Now, could she really reposit a refrigerator?"</p> - -<p>"She could. But she wouldn't want to."</p> - -<p>"Why not?" Jerry asked, puzzled.</p> - -<p>"If she conceived an illogical and useless desire for food -refrigeration, she would simply reposit a block of cold air from, say, -the North Pole."</p> - -<p>"Oh, fine!" Jerry said sarcastically. "That would cause more -unemployment in the refrigerator industry than repositing them without -paying for them! But what do you mean about food refrigeration being -illogical and useless?"</p> - -<p>"Well, in a storage warehouse, there might be some reason for food -preservation. But you don't need cold or canning. Why not just reposit -the bacteria that cause the food to deteriorate? There's no need to -store food in a home equipped with a Matter Repositor. You simply -reposit one meal at a time. Fruits and vegetables direct from tree or -field. Meat from a slaughterhouse, since it isn't humane to remove a -pound of steak from a live steer. But even this is needless."</p> - -<p>"Why?" Jerry baffledly wanted to know.</p> - -<p>"To free the maximum amount of the effort of thinking beings for -non-material activities, each consumer can reposit the chemical -elements of the food, synthesize his meal on the table. He can even -reposit these elements directly into his stomach, or, to by-pass the -effort of digestion, into his bloodstream as glycogen and amino acids."</p> - -<p>"So refrigerators would be as dead an item as kerosene lamps in a -city wired for electricity," Jerry agreed unhappily. "Suppose Mrs. -Housewife, not needing a refrigerator, reposits a washing machine. The -point I'm driving at—is there any practical way to compensate the -factory, give it an incentive to produce more washing machines, without -dragging in government control?"</p> - -<p>"Why should the factory produce more washing machines? Who would want -one? The housewife would simply reposit the dirt from her clothes -into her flowerbed, without using water and soap. Or, more likely, -reposit new clothes with different colors, fabrics, and styles. The -Matter Repositor would eliminate textile mills and clothing factories. -Earth's oceans have vast enough quantities of seaweed to eliminate the -growing of cotton, wool, or flax. Or, again, you could reposit the -chemical elements, either from the soil or from seawater."</p> - -<p>Jerry pondered the extensive implications of these revelations. -Finally he said, "What it boils down to is this. All Earth's bustling -material activity, all the logging and construction, the mining and -manufacturing, the planting and fishing, the printing and postal -service, the great transportation and shipping effort, the cleaning and -painting, the sewage disposal, even the bathing and self-adornment, -consist, when you analyze them, of one process only—<i>putting something -from where you don't want it to where you do</i>. There's not one single, -solitary Earth invention or service left to advertise!"</p> - -<p>"Nothing," the Ambassador agreed. "Which is exactly why advertising has -not developed on the Federated Planets. You're fortunate that Earth -doesn't have Matter Repositors. You'd be out of a job if it did."</p> - -<p>"Oh, no!" Jerry said. "I could still advertise the gadget to end all -gadgets—the Matter Repositor itself. I know other people have asked -you this before, but could an Earth company get a franchise to import -those machines here, or the license rights to manufacture them?"</p> - -<p>"No," the Ambassador said, briefly and definitely.</p> - -<p>"Mr. Ambassador," Jerry protested, "you've gone to a lot of trouble to -explain things you must already be tired of explaining to Earthmen, -just so I personally could be sure they weren't merely rumors or -misinterpretations. Now that I get down to the real point, you suddenly -become blunt and unqualified. Why?"</p> - -<p>"Because there's a very serious question of ethics involved, wherever a -more advanced civilization comes in contact with a relatively primitive -one. For instance, when the white men came to America, the aborigines -were introduced to gunpowder and firewater."</p> - -<p>"So you people are keeping Matter Repositors away from us, like a mama -keeping candy away from a baby who's hollering for it, because it's not -good for him! You'd pass up a chance to name your own price—"</p> - -<p>"The very way you phrase that remark indicates the danger. You regard -personal gain as the strongest of motives, which means that Matter -Repositors would be used for that, even by such unusually intelligent -members of your race as yourself."</p> - -<p>"Don't softsoap me," Jerry said angrily. "Not after you just got -through saying that we Earthlings are nothing but naked savages, -compared to the high and mighty super-beings on other planets!"</p> - -<p>"I apologize for my phraseology," the Ambassador said. "With my limited -command of your language—"</p> - -<p>"Your limited command, nuts! I suppose you supermen enjoy seeing us -naked savages squirm. Why talk sanctimoniously about the damage you -might do, when you know damn well the damage has already been done? -Just the news that something as advanced as the Matter Repositor exists -has sent unemployment to a new high, and the stock market to a new low. -And you theorize about ethics, while denying us the only cure!" Jerry -found himself fighting a nearly irresistible impulse to smash his fist -into that too-perfect profile—which, he realized glumly, would only -prove the Ambassador's point about savages.</p> - -<p>"Here, here," the Ambassador said benevolently, "let's have another -drink. Then we'll see whether I can make it clear to you why the actual -importation of Matter Repositors would cause much more trouble on Earth -than the announcement of their existence, bad as the effect of that has -been. To begin with, I admit I made a very serious error in mentioning -the device at all before the U.N. Assembly. I intended merely to -explain how I came here without a spaceship. After that, I was flooded -with questions; I could no more avoid answering them than I could -courteously avoid answering the questions you've been asking today."</p> - -<p>"You mean you super-beings actually admit you're human enough to make -mistakes?" Jerry asked, somewhat mollified.</p> - -<p>"Of course we make mistakes. We try not to make the same one twice. -You see, we once made the mistake of importing Matter Repositors to a -planet whose natural resources and social concepts weren't adequate -for the device. That was a long time ago, and they haven't recovered -from the effects yet. Suppose a consignment of ten thousand Matter -Repositors arrived on Earth tomorrow. Under your economic system, who -would get them?"</p> - -<p>"The ten thousand people or corporations who had the most money to pay -for them, I guess. Unless government agencies grabbed 'em."</p> - -<p>"Can you guarantee that of the ten thousand people on Earth who have -the most money, not one is unscrupulous?"</p> - -<p>"Gosh, no!" Jerry said. "I don't think there's any doubt that to stay -in business very long, a man or a company has to have a certain amount -of business ethics. Nobody can gyp the public indefinitely. But a bank -robber might have a lot of cash, or a confidence man, or a cluck with a -big inheritance."</p> - -<p>"So, to be generous, let's assume that 9,999 of your wealthiest persons -are so ethical that they would never make any profit at the expense of -the general welfare. That leaves us one crook. What would he reposit -first?"</p> - -<p>"Hmm.... Maybe the gold at Fort Knox."</p> - -<p>"And what effect would that have on Earth's business?"</p> - -<p>"I'm not quite sure," Jerry admitted. "I'm no shark on monetary theory, -just the kind of large-scale salesman who makes mass production -possible. But it certainly wouldn't do the world situation any good."</p> - -<p>"Suppose, next, our crook holds the President of the United States for -ransom. Since he doesn't need money, the ransom price might be laws -which would grant him impunity for his crimes. If not, he could have an -accomplice reposit him out of jail, or even out of the electric chair, -before the switch was pulled."</p> - -<p>"That's enough! I get the idea!" Jerry exclaimed.</p> - -<p>"Wait—there's a more important point. Suppose a government you -consider the wrong government got hold of some of the machines. First, -of course, they'd reposit the world stockpile of atomic bombs. Then -they'd reposit disease bacteria into the bloodstreams of U.N. troops, -officials, and civilian workers, and reposit all the ammunition out -of U.N. guns. So long as there is one spark of nationalism left on -Earth, so long as any country has an economic and political system -they consider better than some other system, Matter Repositors would -mean planetary self-destruction. Now do you see why I was blunt and -unqualified?"</p> - -<p>"I do," Jerry said solemnly, "And I was a fool to fly off the handle -when you called us savages. We are savages, I can see that now. And -your people must be pretty damned godlike to be trusted with such an -invention!"</p> - -<p>"Not at all. To a Micronesian bushman, the pilot who can be trusted -with the power and speed of a B-29 seems a veritable god. But the pilot -is only an ordinary Joe, very likely no more intelligent than the -bushman—he just had a different background. Fighting each other for -necessities and luxuries, the process that you people call business -competition, has so long been needless to our people that they would -no more think of competitive gain than you would do an Indian harvest -dance before you signed a contract. They aren't necessarily more -intelligent or more virtuous than your people—they just have a -different background."</p> - -<p>"You seem to have devoted a lot of study to the larceny in the -Earthman's soul," Jerry put in. "What if we stole the secret from you, -whether you think it wise to give it to us or not? Suppose somebody -swiped the blueprints, or copied a Repositor you brought with you for -your own use?"</p> - -<p>The Ambassador smiled. "You might <i>try</i> to steal it. That's why I -didn't bring a Repositor with me, to save you people the trouble of a -futile try."</p> - -<p>"Why futile?"</p> - -<p>"Well, the Matter Repositor is a simple device. Any child on the -Federated Planets who had an education, say, equivalent to your -technical high school education, could build a working model, even -without another Repositor to assist him. But Earth's best technicians -couldn't build one, even with either blueprints or a model to copy."</p> - -<p>"They couldn't, eh?" Jerry challenged, bristling again. "They managed -to split atoms, transmute elements, do a few little tricks like that."</p> - -<p>"I see I've been tactless again," the Ambassador said regretfully. -"Just now, you readily conceded that Earthmen are savages morally, but -when I seem to cast aspersions on your mechanical ability, it offends -your racial vanity. All right, let's go back to the B-29 pilot and the -intelligent bushman. The internal combustion engine that powers the -B-29 is a simple device in fundamental principle, isn't it?"</p> - -<p>"Sure," Jerry said.</p> - -<p>"Any high school boy who has taken a course in auto mechanics, who has -the requisite machine tools, metals, casting equipment, and fuel, could -build a working model of an internal combustion engine, couldn't he, -even without ready-made parts?"</p> - -<p>"If he wasn't all thumbs, he could."</p> - -<p>"All right. Now suppose the B-29 is grounded in the jungle. The bushman -is examining the engine. He's just as intelligent as the pilot, -remember, but his environment hasn't produced an oil well, let alone a -refinery. He has never seen a lathe or a micrometer. He has no mine, no -smelter. He can't copy that B-29 engine by whittling wood or chipping -stone, even if he's a born mechanical genius, and he can't run it on -seawater. So he says the plane flies by magic. Put him in the pilot -seat, and you'll admit it's practically inevitable that he'll crash."</p> - -<p>"Why do you take so much trouble to explain things?" Jerry asked wryly. -"I should have my head examined for not understanding it in the first -place."</p> - -<p>"Let's say I'm feebly trying to make amends for what my unfortunate -slip of the tongue has done to your business."</p> - -<p>"You've brought me around to your way of thinking, Mr. Ambassador," -Jerry said, recovering enough to carry the ball. "But it would be -impossible to sell the public on the idea that they shouldn't have -Repositors because they're too hot to handle. Statistics on auto -accidents never convinced anybody that he didn't want a nice, shiny, -new car. Nobody thinks he personally will get killed in traffic—he's -too smart. You can't convince a youngster he doesn't want candy before -dinner; he thinks he knows better than his parents. But you can hide -the candy, while putting an appetizing meal on the table."</p> - -<p>"Yes, except that I regrettably didn't hide the fact that the Matter -Repositor exists."</p> - -<p>"You sure didn't. And it puts you on a spot, doesn't it? I don't -imagine it will be much fun for you to report to your government that -one ill-considered remark, made shortly after your arrival, upset -Earth's economy."</p> - -<p>For the first time, the Ambassador's suavity was ruffled. Sweat stood -out on his noble forehead. "I've been hoping the bad-effects would die -down before I have to report," he confessed.</p> - -<p>"They won't die down by themselves. You know damned well they're -getting worse and worse, as word-of-mouth advertising about the Matter -Repositor spreads." Jerry leaned closer. "But you and I can get rid of -those bad effects."</p> - -<p>"How?"</p> - -<p>"Well, I'll tell you. When I came to see you, I was pretty sure you'd -turn me down cold on importing Matter Repositors. But I had an ace -up my sleeve. I hoped you would admit that the reason you've been -stalling on selling Earth any Repositors is that you don't really have -a practical one. I thought maybe rumors of the Repositor's powers -had been vastly exaggerated. If you admitted that, I intended to -publicize it to the limit. A campaign to convince Earthmen that you'd -been kidding them would work, because it plays on John Q. Public's -conviction that he's pretty smart, too smart to believe all this gab -about a gadget he's never seen. With your denial to back me up, I could -put it across. It would be a lifesaving shot in the arm for Earth -business."</p> - -<p>"You mean," the Ambassador said reflectively, "that if I call myself -a liar—if I actually become a liar in so doing—I can patch up the -damage I've done? That puts me in a difficult ethical position."</p> - -<p>"Not as difficult as the one you're in now. If it will make it easier -for you, I can word your denial in a face-saving way, and have it ready -for your signature Tuesday. You have a remarkable command of colloquial -English, but even a diplomat using his native tongue can't juggle the -connotations and inferences like an advertising man."</p> - -<p>"It's very kind of you to offer your professional skill in my behalf. I -think I should pay you a fee for the copy."</p> - -<p>"Skip it," Jerry said generously, fingering the nickel and two pennies -in his pocket. "A small token of my appreciation for the patience -you've shown. What time Tuesday?"</p> - -<p>"Say two o'clock?"</p> - -<p>"Fine. But before I spend my time on this, you're not going to make the -same deal with somebody else, are you?"</p> - -<p>"Deal? Did I make a deal?"</p> - -<p>"What I mean, nobody else has approached you with the idea that Earth -business would get back to normal if you would deny that a practical -Matter Repositor exists? You'd say I have exclusive rights to the idea?"</p> - -<p>"Nobody has," the Ambassador said, "and I agree to give you exclusive -rights."</p> - -<p>"Good! With your signed denial, I can raise the loot. I think the -N.A.M. will go for it. The campaign will have to be well-financed, -you see; the amount of space the news columns will give to your denial -may be as much as they gave to your original statement, but that alone -won't do the job. It's much harder to kill a notion that has penetrated -the public mind than it is to implant one."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The Ambassador indulged in a chuckle. "I'm beginning to see daylight. -My signed denial in your hands becomes a salable piece of merchandise, -worth far more than I would pay you for a few lines of copy. Well, more -power to you! Would it be out of place for me to contribute some of the -funds for publicizing this denial?"</p> - -<p>"How much?" Jerry asked practically.</p> - -<p>"Well," the Ambassador explained, "I've had nothing reposited that I -could avoid. But since your planet has a monetary exchange, I had to -pay for my office help, lodging, and so on. Synthesizing coinage would -have been counterfeiting, which is against your laws, so I merely had -a moderate amount of uncoined gold reposited, and I sell it on the -regular Earth market as I need funds. Gold has no particular value on -the Federated Planets, of course. I could get whatever you need, so -long as it isn't enough to disrupt the economy any more than—well, -than I have already. Let's limit ourselves to an amount that could be -accounted for by an unusually good year in mining."</p> - -<p>"Sold!" Jerry said happily. "I think I can struggle along on a million -a month retainer. Plus the usual fifteen per cent on advertising -space and printing, of course; I'll have an estimate on that for you -Tuesday. Since you can finance the whole campaign yourself, we'll -leave the N.A.M. out of it. That way I can spare you the humiliation -of signing an outright denial. All you have to do from now on is -to keep mum. Don't even admit that you're the angel financing this -campaign; that would make it look phony. I'll assign you three personal -public-relations men, on twenty-four-hour shift. All your public -remarks are to screen through them."</p> - -<p>"But how can I conceal my identity when I'm sponsoring the campaign?" -the Ambassador objected.</p> - -<p>"That's easy. The ostensible sponsor will be a dummy organization -called—um—the Consumers Fact Finding Board. Nobody but me needs to -know who signs the checks."</p> - -<p>"How long will this campaign continue?"</p> - -<p>"I figure it'll take about six months to sell the public this -particular bill of goods. Once we get business revived, the best thing -is never to mention the words Matter Repositor again, not even to deny -its existence. The ultimate goal is to make people forget they ever -heard of such a gadget. The more convincing I make it, the quicker I'll -work myself out of a job."</p> - -<p>"I should think you'd make it last as long as possible; that's why I -asked you for a time-limit. Do you <i>want</i> to work yourself out of a -job?"</p> - -<p>"You bet I do! Then I can start selling a bigger item, launch a -longer-term promotion, one that will last till Earth gets civilized, -till I don't have anything more to sell. From what you say, that will -take a lot longer than I'll live."</p> - -<p>"It may be none of my business, but what is this big item you propose -to sell next?" the Ambassador asked, curiously.</p> - -<p>"Earth," Jerry said.</p> - -<p>The Ambassador looked confused. "I'm afraid I don't understand."</p> - -<p>"Didn't you just get through telling me, in effect, that any of your -people who came to Earth could have all the money they wanted to spend? -Well, I'm going to run advertising copy on the Federated Planets, and -get them to come here and spend it."</p> - -<p>"But I also told you that advertising is unknown on the Federated -Planets!" the Ambassador protested.</p> - -<p>"All the better. Your people, then, will have less sales resistance -than an audience of Earth kindergarten kids, who have had spot -commercials dinned into their ears since birth. The only problem is -space and time."</p> - -<p>"The Matter Repositor has effectively solved the problems of space and -time."</p> - -<p>"No, I mean space and time as an advertising man uses those terms. -Newspaper and magazine space, radio and TV time. Do you have any -newspapers out there?"</p> - -<p>"We have very little you would classify as news. No wars, no stock -market, no crime, no epidemics, no political mudslinging, few -accidents. But we do have information bulletins, of course."</p> - -<p>"Fine! Besides that million a month retainer, I want an exclusive -contract to run advertising copy in the information bulletins on the -Federated Planets."</p> - -<p>"This is completely unprecedented!"</p> - -<p>"You want to get out of this mess you're in, don't you? I'm the boy who -can get you out, and that's my price."</p> - -<p>"You drive a hard bargain, Mr. Jergins. Very well, I'll arrange it. But -I'm getting you the contract only because I'm certain your excursion -idea won't work. Oh, I know Earth men want to visit the Federated -Planets; I've had plenty of requests. I've had to explain repeatedly -that we must hold to our announced policy of no ambassador from Earth, -and no exchange students, until Earth has completed a few more steps in -the development of her civilization. But surely none of our people will -come to Earth, aside from a few students of comparative civilizations. -Our general public can view samples of your national costumes, -automobiles, and so on, in the museums. I can't see why they should -want to come here, while Earth is still in a primitive and dangerous -stage."</p> - -<p>"You can't, eh? Well, you might be surprised, Mr. Ambassador, you -might be surprised. For the time being, just picture yourself as the -pilot of that B-29, grounded on a primitive little island in space. -You've met a poor, ignorant bushman. He couldn't reproduce your plane -to save his neck. He can't manufacture a single gadget you'd want to -buy. Nevertheless, you're about to see a demonstration of a few tricks -of survival that your super-civilized race has forgotten—or, rather, -never knew. I think you'll cook up into a right tasty dish."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Four days later, the Better Business Bureau of Oskaloosa, Iowa, -nabbed a questionable character who had accepted deposits from local -businessmen, in return for elaborately printed but worthless contracts -to deliver Matter Repositors.</p> - -<p>The warning flash crossed similar warnings from New Orleans, Reno, -Milwaukee, and the Borough of Queens, with a particularly hysterical -note injected by Los Angeles, where the populace had proved most -susceptible to the bogus agents. The news of a national ring of -confidence artists, capitalizing on people's desire for Matter -Repositors, ran in all papers, of course. The editors as yet hadn't the -faintest idea that they were printing carefully engineered publicity.</p> - -<p>Before he even got his space contracts lined up, Jerry had accomplished -quite a feat. He had fixed things so that, if the Ambassador from Outer -Space himself had changed his mind, and imported a cargo of genuine -Matter Repositors, he would have had some trouble convincing people he -wasn't a crook.</p> - -<p>In a record two weeks, the campaign proper was ready to roll. It was -long on white space, and the copy was so short that, after glancing -at it a few times, you found that you had involuntarily committed it -to memory. In the center of blank pages in all major metropolitan -newspapers appeared a small want-ad, stating that the Consumers Fact -Finding Board had deposited with a New York bank the sum of one million -dollars in cash, <i>after taxes</i>, which would be paid to any person, -terrestrial or extraterrestrial, who could produce a Matter Repositor -capable of repositing an object weighing two pounds a distance of ten -feet.</p> - -<p>The offer was repeated daily for a month, and from the second day -forward, there was a large, red overprint, looking like a crayon -scrawl, which said, "No Takers to Date who Can Deliver the Goods!"</p> - -<p>The idea was pounded into the public mind by carcards, billboards, -direct mail, and annoying telephone solicitors, who got subscribers -out of bathtub and bed to ask them whether they had a Matter Repositor -around the house they wanted to sell for a million dollars. Skywriters -by day and illuminated blimps by night made sure the literate could not -escape the message. Radio and TV singing and cartoon commercials took -care of the illiterate.</p> - -<p>No conclusions were drawn in the copy. Each "prospect" was left with -the comfortable feeling that his own superior intellect and powers of -deduction had supplied the answer. No Matter Repositor turned up for -sale, so everyone was sure there was no such thing. The whole campaign, -like other advertising campaigns before it, depended on what people -failed to consider. They neglected to realize that a million dollars -would be a joke to the owner of a Matter Repositor, who could reposit -all the wealth on Earth, including the million in the New York bank, -but would have no use for money, since he could reposit usable goods. -The magic phrase "a million dollars" was a worldwide symbol for all -desirable material things. It would have been almost heresy to reflect -that even that much cash had no actual value.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>As Jerry promised, the Ambassador didn't have to issue an official -denial. His chief public relations man quite truthfully admitted -to reporters that the Ambassador had no Matter Repositor in his -possession, a dispatch carried by all wire services, and snickered at -by clever columnists.</p> - -<p>In basements and garages, persons of good, bad, and indifferent -mechanical ability strove to earn the million. The U.S. patent office -was inundated with models and drawings of unworkable devices. One of -the Duke University subjects tried to patent his ability to influence -the fall of dice mentally.</p> - -<p>During the next session of the Congress, Jerry's crack lobbyists raised -a great howl about the shameful congestion in the Patent Office, not -mentioning, of course, that they were employed by the man who had -created the congestion, by offering a million dollars for a device he -knew no Earthman could build.</p> - -<p>Another dummy organization, dubbed the Inventors Protective League, -sponsored a bill to amend the act relating to perpetual motion -machines. It passed, with an emergency clause, and, thereafter, devices -purporting to reposit matter were not entitled to letters of patent.</p> - -<p>This just about clinched the deal, for the vast majority of people, -who had never watched laws enacted, assumed that if something was in -the law, there must be a good reason for it, unless, of course, it was -anything like prohibition.</p> - -<p>A name band revived "The Thing," leaving the drumbeats out of the vocal -refrain, and substituting, "Get out of here with that Matter Repositor, -before I call a cop!" Within six months, radio and TV comedians had -worn out the joke. Even Goofy, My Friend Irma, Mrs. Ace, and Gracie -Allen were too sophisticated to believe in Matter Repositors. Gags -about them dropped to the same low level as those about Brooklyn and -joke-stealing comics.</p> - -<p>Although his appearance in public was liable to start boos and -catcalls, the Ambassador from Outer Space was duly grateful. He was -spared the painful necessity of reporting his disastrous slip of the -tongue to his government, for Earth economy was again on the upward -spiral. Everybody was spending the money he'd been saving up for a -Matter Repositor.</p> - -<p>The Ambassador cheerfully paid the million-a-month retainer and the -whopping space bills, but Jerry's greatest gain in the transaction was -his agreement allowing him to run advertising in the Federated Planets -information bulletins. The space didn't cost him a nickel. Yet he knew -how to sell his exclusive rights to it for more money than any one -Earth company had in its promotional budget.</p> - -<p>By the time the campaign debunking the Matter Repositor was ready -to die a natural death, Jerry had started an organization of Earth -businessmen, spearheaded by the Restaurant and Hotel Associations, and -the transportation interests, to promote Earth as a primitive planet. -The primitive aspects of Earth, Jerry predicted, would exert a powerful -appeal on the citizens of the Federated Planets, who must be pretty -bored with civilization, and badly in need of a vacation from too much -perfection.</p> - -<p>This organization was not composed of dummies, by any means, but the -businessmen joined up with a vague idea that their hostelries were to -be way-stations, that they were going to promote sightseeing tours to -places they themselves would call primitive, that the human exhibits -would consist of blanketed Navajos, Chinese coolies, hula girls, Voodoo -dancers, and Eskimos.</p> - -<p>Jerry filled the biggest convention hall in Chicago, and, at the climax -of the proceedings, dramatically drew back a velvet curtain, unveiling -a huge painting of the symbol of the campaign—a masked bandit, wearing -a slouch hat, clutching in a greedy hand a fat bag marked with a dollar -sign. Below was blazoned the tasteful slogan, "Let the People of Earth -Gyp You!"</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus1.jpg" width="555" height="500" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>A chorus of outrage echoed in the rafters. It hadn't occurred to the -members that primitive exhibit A would be themselves; to wit, the genus -Earth businessman; sub-species, go-getter. Jerry emerged from the -resulting argument somewhat battered, but with what any experienced -advertising man would recognize as a victory. His copy was to run in -five per cent of the space, keyed. Now all he had to do was prove in -dollars and cents that he knew more about mass sales psychology than -his clients, which was, of course, a cinch.</p> - -<p>In spite of translation into a more civilized language, Jerry's five -per cent of the space out-pulled the tamer ninety-five per cent by -better than ten to one. Thereafter, his clients swallowed their pride, -voted him a free hand, and contented themselves with raking in the -shekels from a steady stream of handsome and rich extraterrestrial -tourists.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>After Jerry's tourist promotion had been running two years, the U.S. -Post Office broke down and printed an issue of three-cent stamps -commemorating the influx, showing the goddess Terra with welcoming arms -open to the starred heavens. Jerry Jergins, the second advertising man -in history to achieve the distinction of having Uncle Sam plug his -product on a stamp, thereby entered the most select circles of his -chosen profession.</p> - -<p>Jerry bought enough of the stamps to paper the walls of his swank and -spacious penthouse offices, for the benefit of the swarm of tourists -who invaded the place daily during afternoon open-house hours. They all -wanted to see an advertising agency; to them, this phenomenon was the -essence of that primitive planet, Earth. Jerry had recorded a lecture -on primitive Earth customs which issued from concealed loudspeakers, -and filled display cases with exhibits of primitive Earth culture, -emphasizing the aspects he felt these extraterrestrials would find most -exotic.</p> - -<p>Considering the fact that Jerry had managed to learn little about the -Federated Planets that was not utterly essential to the mechanics -of his advertising campaign there, he had done a pretty good job of -"getting on the customer's side of the counter." Every tourist Jerry -talked to had been conditioned, by some unrevealed but apparently -foolproof process, not to repeat the Ambassador's error of mentioning -Matter Repositors, or other aspects of life on the Federated Planets -that might cause repercussions on Earth. Even tourist children couldn't -be bribed with lollypops. Tourists talked a great deal, in fluent -idiomatic Earth English, yet somehow said very little.</p> - -<p>But Jerry knew at least one thing—he was stirring emotions that lay -so deep under layers and layers of civilization that these shining, -perfect people hadn't known they were capable of feeling them, until -they visited Earth. He was getting under their smooth skins, just as -surely as the monotone of a Haitian drum-beat gets under the skin of a -New Yorker.</p> - -<p>One of the display cases contained the working tools of -gangsterism—sawed-off shotguns, blackjacks, a model of a bullet-proof -automobile, a news photo of the St. Valentine's Day massacre, a -clipping about police payoffs from houses of gambling and prostitution, -another about blindness resulting from wood alcohol. The shot-glasses -of authentic antique bootleg gin that stood on top the cases were often -smelled but never sampled.</p> - -<p>The second case showed a chart of fluctuations of the stock market, -with an actual operating ticker in the middle. Sections of the tape -were much in demand as souvenirs. But the photo of a smashed body of -a once-wealthy man who jumped from his office window after losing his -fortune caused the most comment. The tourists found it difficult to -understand how this man could consider his life less important than his -bank balance.</p> - -<p>The largest case contained models of war weapons, a lurid painting of -Pearl Harbor under aerial attack, another of the Hiroshima mushroom -that ushered in the atomic age. There were gas masks, artificial limbs, -a photo of a blinded veteran led by a Seeing-Eye dog. The tourists -gaped at that exhibit with all the relish of Coney Island crowds -visiting wax replicas of famous murder scenes.</p> - -<p>And along the entire 40-foot wall of the reception room, a photo-mural -of a ragged, depression-era breadline brooded over the sleek heads of -the beautifully dressed and elaborately fed tourists.</p> - -<p>On his way back to the office after lunch one day, Jerry spied a -traffic-stopping cluster of humanity in the street outside one of the -city's leading department stores. The crowd was gathered around a -paddy-wagon. Never diffident, Jerry elbowed his way through the crush, -to see two handsome and once well-groomed gentlemen getting a mussing -up from a couple of cops. The suspects, athletic-looking characters, -were putting up a good fight, and the policemen didn't like it. As -Jerry watched, a billy descended on a well-barbered head, and suspect -number one ceased resisting arrest.</p> - -<p>Jerry had come into contact with enough extraterrestrials by now so -that he knew a tourist when he saw one. The male tourists gave him a -violent pain in the neck, but he felt somewhat responsible. He grabbed -an elbow of the suspect who remained conscious.</p> - -<p>"Give me your name, bud, and I'll bail you out. What happened?"</p> - -<p>"Oh, we just took a few things off the counters in that store," the -tourist answered. "You're very kind, but we have plenty of money for -bail, thanks. Or is it a bribe you're supposed to hand them?"</p> - -<p>"If you have plenty of money, why in hell didn't you buy the stuff, -instead of stealing it?"</p> - -<p>"We just thought we'd have a bit of a lark. New experience and all -that. When on Earth, do as the Earthmen do."</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus2.jpg" width="426" height="500" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>"A lark!" the biggest policeman grunted. "We'll give you a lark, -all right! Get in there, you!" He implemented his command with a -well-placed kick in the seat of a pair of expertly tailored pants, -boosting the tourist into the paddy-wagon, where his unconscious friend -had already been deposited.</p> - -<p>The siren screamed, dispersing the crowd in front of the police -vehicle, and Jerry went on his way, chuckling. As he passed a -hole-in-the-wall bar he knew, he decided to stop for a quick one, to -settle the heavy feeling in his stomach that came from eating lobster -Newburg for lunch. It wasn't a place where you'd care to take a lady, -but they served an honest ounce.</p> - -<p>As Jerry pushed through the old-fashioned swinging doors, a burst -of sound greeted him. A whiskey baritone was rendering one of the -unpublishable versions of "Christopher Columbo," to the accompaniment -of a piano tinkle by the hired help. The customer was obviously from -the other side of the tracks—from the other side of the Galaxy, in -fact—and he was leaning against the piano for the simple reason that -he couldn't stand up.</p> - -<p>He wore a well-cut California-style dinner jacket, and after all night -and half the day, the white gabardine was no longer white. Several -drinks had been spilled on the midnight-blue flannel trousers. Only a -magnificent physique distinguished him from the Earth or garden variety -of drunk.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus3.jpg" width="274" height="500" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>Jerry stood up to the bar, and as his eyes became accustomed to the -dimness, he observed a touching—literally—scene being enacted in the -darkest booth. An Earthside racetrack tout, whom Jerry recognized as -one of the habitues of the place, had a gorgeous female tourist backed -into a corner. She had retreated as far as the wall permitted, but he -had long since caught up.</p> - -<p>Her jaunty, elbow-length chinchilla cape lay on the wet table. Her -exquisitely simple strapless dinner dress of silver lamé exposed arms -and shoulders that were literally out of this world. The naked effect -was relieved only by a diamond, platinum, and emerald choker. Jerry -knew, though the racetrack tout probably didn't, that the priceless -bauble was Repositor—synthesized, with an Earth museum piece as a -model.</p> - -<p>It was a tossup whether the race track tout was more interested in the -diamonds or the tempting flesh they adorned. The girl made no attempt -to fight him off. The reason for her acquiescence was not far to seek. -The glass before her contained the remains of a "Pink Lady," which -tastes like an ice-cream soda and kicks like four Kentucky mules.</p> - -<p>She moved her left hand to pick up the glass, and Jerry caught the -flash of a circlet of channel-set baguette diamonds on the third -finger. He concluded that she was the wife of the whiskey baritone. -That worthy seemed utterly unconcerned about the whole thing, so why -should Jerry interfere?</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus4.jpg" width="491" height="500" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>The racetrack tout left his conquest momentarily, walked over to the -bar, handed the bartender a five-spot. Without comment, the bartender -took down a key tagged 13 from a hook, and the turf expert pocketed -it. There was a dingy sign reading "Hotel" outside; Jerry had always -supposed the floors above contained equally dingy furnished rooms.</p> - -<p>The beautiful tourist's silver heels mounted the back stairs -unsteadily. The tout was half steering her, half supporting her. The -man was sober enough to know exactly what he was doing. When she came -back down those stairs, she would be minus not only her virtue, but -her diamond necklace as well.</p> - -<p>"Oh, he knew the world was round-o, that sailors could be found-o," the -whiskey baritone sang lustily.</p> - -<p>Jerry left the saloon with a bad taste in his mouth. As he passed -through the electric-eye doorway of his office suite, he had the -impression that the too perfect inhabitants of all the color -advertising pages he had turned out in past years had suddenly come to -life. Handsome tourists were moving, in chattering groups, from one -display case to another.</p> - -<p>Their chatter, as usual, gave him few clues. He still harbored a -suspicion that on their home planets, these lovely people might be -symbiotes in the bodies of lower animals, or loathsome but intellectual -worms. But he never had any success when he tried to pump them about -whether they were like Earth inhabitants at home, or were issued these -magnificent bodies and faces along with their passports to Earth.</p> - -<p>His unreasoning dislike of the males was undoubtedly part jealousy, -for they were all tall, handsome, well-dressed, and athletic enough to -be signed en masse by Hollywood. But the universal utter perfection of -limb, features, and complexion, was not at all repulsive in the female. -It was quite decorative to have a whole chorus of toothsome girls in -Paris gowns cluttering up the office.</p> - -<p>Jerry had never seen one of them use a lipstick, rouge, or an -eyebrow pencil. The cosmetic business was one of the few that had -not profited from the tourist trade, except insofar as lady tourists -bought costly perfumes, and Earthgirls strove to mimic the natural—or -unnatural—coloring of the fair visitors. A few tourists brought their -children along, and here the firm, rosy, unblemished skin was in its -proper element. Tourist children were not one whit more cherubic than -well-favored children of Earth.</p> - -<p>A guide from the Conducted Tours Company arrived to round up a -batch of tourists, for a visit to the local jails, flop-houses, and -gambling dens. He announced they would go by bus, and the horrified -yet delighted whoops that greeted this news reminded Jerry of a Boston -society dowager who had just been invited to ride on a camel.</p> - -<p>As the crowd trickled out the doors, a lovely vision in platinum blonde -laid a slender hand on Jerry's arm.</p> - -<p>"Are you really the man who first thought of inviting us to this quaint -and delightful planet?" she gushed.</p> - -<p>"I guess I am, lady. How do you like it?"</p> - -<p>"Oh, it's so primitive! So elemental! Everybody used to think visiting -backward planets was dull and scholarly stuff. It took <i>you</i> to show us -how thrilling and exciting it can be!"</p> - -<p>"I'm glad to hear you say that. Some of the tourists are complaining -that Earth isn't as primitive as the Tourist Bureau advertising makes -it out to be."</p> - -<p>"Oh, you <i>do</i> exaggerate a wee, tiny bit, but it's all in good fun, -isn't it? On the whole, I'm not disappointed—especially not in the -<i>men</i>!" She fluttered eyelashes, so long and dark that they looked -artificial, at him.</p> - -<p>"The men?" Jerry asked blankly.</p> - -<p>"Oh, come, come!" the platinum blonde breathed throatily into his ear. -"Don't pretend to be so innocent! You must have heard of the simply -<i>terrific</i> reputation Earthmen have acquired on other planets as -masterful lovers!"</p> - -<p>"It's news to me," Jerry admitted, "but it sounds like a good drawing -card. I'll try to work something like that into our ads."</p> - -<p>"Always thinking about business, aren't you? Why don't you think of -something else, for a change? Me, for instance. Don't you feel a little -bit sorry for a girl like me, with nothing but perfectly civilized men -to go home to?" the girl pouted invitingly.</p> - -<p>Jerry found himself, by imperceptible stages, being backed into a -corner. Well, well, he thought. Perhaps he'd been too harsh in judging -that racetrack tout.</p> - -<p>"Since you mention it," Jerry said, "I'm not averse to playing the role -of Galactic beachboy."</p> - -<p>"What does a beachboy do?"</p> - -<p>"I'd blush to explain it verbally to a girl unaccustomed to primitive -Earth customs, but I'm pretty good at sign language. How about dinner -tonight?"</p> - -<p>"Well ... if you'll let me pay the check. I do so adore this amazing -Earth custom of exchanging food for little slips of paper."</p> - -<p>"The pleasure is all yours, sister. See you at the Ritz main dining -room—eight o'clock. Soup and fish. Afterward, we'll look at my -photo-murals. Now toddle along, baby, if you want to catch the bus to -see those hoboes."</p> - -<p>Jerry was walking on the Milky Way. Aside from the profits, this job -had its esthetic side, he decided. His exuberance was slightly dampened -by the grim expression on his secretary's face.</p> - -<p>"A very important man has been waiting to see you," she said -disapprovingly. "I sent him into your office. The least I could do was -put him where he wouldn't have to smell all the perfume these brazen -tourist women use. It's enough to make a person ill!"</p> - -<p>In the visitor's chair before Jerry's mother-of-pearl inlaid desk, -the Ambassador from Outer Space was waiting, staring morosely at the -endlessly repeated welcoming goddess Terra on Jerry's wall stamp -collection.</p> - -<p>"Well, as I live and breathe!" Jerry exclaimed, "a real, live B-29 -pilot! Welcome to my humble grass shack! Scotch? Cigar? What can I do -for you?"</p> - -<p>"You can put out your bonfire, cannibal," the Ambassador said, gruffly. -"I think I've stewed enough."</p> - -<p>"Why are you tough, then?" Jerry asked. "At me, I mean. I thought I was -your best friend in this here jungle. Didn't I do you a favor once, Mr. -Ambassador?"</p> - -<p>"A <i>favor</i>? I paid you well for it! Not only in money, but by getting -advertising space for your precious Tourist Bureau on the Federated -Planets. I never thought it would lead to this!"</p> - -<p>"You thought my copy wouldn't pull, eh? Not even after I'd demonstrated -I could make Earth opinion do a flip-flop on that Matter Repositor -deal?"</p> - -<p>"Oh, I was quite sure you could manipulate Earthmen. That's your job. -But I didn't believe our people would respond in such numbers to an -appeal to primitive emotions!"</p> - -<p>"You weren't alone in that," Jerry said smugly. "Some very prominent -members, of our organization wanted to make the campaign more -civilized. I showed them where they were wrong. Can't you see that your -people are fed up with civilization, right up to their pretty white -necks? The very essence of Earth's appeal to them is that a trip here -gives them a chance to relax their ethics, to play at going native."</p> - -<p>"Don't rub it in!" The Ambassador shuddered.</p> - -<p>"It's nothing new. Tourists have always kicked up their heels. Guess -what I saw while I was out to lunch. The cops grabbed a couple of your -boys for shoplifting! They thought it was such fun to ride in the -paddy-wagon. Back home, of course, they wouldn't think of repositing -anything they weren't supposed to, but on Earth it's different."</p> - -<p>"And for monkeyshines like that," the Ambassador growled, "I am -driven half crazy working out sleep-record courses. '<i>Idioms of Earth -English</i>'—'<i>What Not to Say on Backward Planets and Why</i>'—'<i>Earth -Fashion Guide, What You Can Buy There and What to Reposit</i>.' Bah! I'm -supposed to be a diplomat, not a fashion adviser!"</p> - -<p>"Why don't you hire some help?" Jerry suggested.</p> - -<p>"I have. I've hired a whole staff, with offices in all major Earth -cities, to exchange platinum, bullion, and precious stones for Earth -currencies. It's a man-sized job, I can tell you, to keep Earth -currencies stable under this load!"</p> - -<p>"You're doing a very good job," Jerry said, soothingly.</p> - -<p>"You know what one of our citizens asked me yesterday? <i>How she could -get a marriage license!</i> Your officials had turned her down, because -she'd been conditioned not to mention her birthplace and age. Mind you, -a citizen of the Federated Planets wanted to marry an Earthman and live -on this raw, Galactic frontier the rest of her life! Why, we don't even -know whether the races can cross-breed!"</p> - -<p>"That should be looked into," Jerry agreed.</p> - -<p>"What are you trying to do?" the Ambassador demanded, "Drag the -citizens of the Federated Planets down to the level of your jungle? -You blithely assume those two shoplifters can be trusted with Matter -Repositors when they get back home, but I'm not so sure. We haven't -any jails to toss them into, but we may have to establish some. -Matter-Repositor-proof jails!"</p> - -<p>"That's your problem," Jerry said. "All I'm trying to do is make some -money for myself and, other businessmen on Earth. Which I'm doing, -thank you. And I doubt that you could stop me, at this point. Your -citizens would raise quite a howl if my ads stopped appearing in the -information bulletins."</p> - -<p>"Money!" the Ambassador exclaimed, "All you Earthmen think about is -money!" He leaned over Jerry's desk. "What if you could reposit the -money—the gold, that is—without all the work you have to put into -entertaining these tourists?"</p> - -<p>"Hmm," Jerry said, thinking of his date for that evening, and other -equally lovely tourists. "Money isn't the only thing in life. And don't -forget the income tax. I've got to have some deductible expenses."</p> - -<p>"Knowing you, I'd bet you could figure out some way of handling that -little detail."</p> - -<p>"What's your proposition?"</p> - -<p>"Two years ago, you came to my office, wanting to import Matter -Repositors. I told you Earth's civilization wasn't ready for them."</p> - -<p>"We still aren't, according to what you say about our avaricious -instincts."</p> - -<p>"No, you're not. But you have methods of manipulating public opinion -and attitudes that are far more advanced than those found on other -planets."</p> - -<p>"So you admit that Earth is advanced in <i>something</i>!" Jerry said -happily.</p> - -<p>"How would you like to have the name of Jerry Jergins go down in your -history as the originator of the most significant public-relations -campaign ever undertaken on this planet?" the Ambassador asked, -temptingly. "You can handle it, if any man on Earth can."</p> - -<p>"Softsoaping me again! What's the campaign? I'll listen to it, but I -don't know whether I'll buy it."</p> - -<p>"Your job would be to get Earth's psychology and sociology ready for -the Matter Repositor."</p> - -<p>Jerry reflected. "You mean I'd have to eliminate war, supplement the -Voice of America, and so on? I'd have certain advantages over the Voice -of America, at that. I wouldn't have a bunch of politicians playing -football with my appropriations."</p> - -<p>"This campaign would have to go further and deeper than the Voice of -America. You might call it the Voice of Conscience. Its aim would be -to make every human being on Earth care more about the welfare of his -fellow-man than he cares about his own."</p> - -<p>"A couple of thousand years back," Jerry said, soberly, "a better -Promoter than I tried to put that idea across. The campaign He started -is still running. It's taken hold in some quarters, but I wouldn't say -public acceptance is anything like worldwide yet."</p> - -<p>"Then you don't think you can do it?" the Ambassador asked, his -eagerness somewhat deflated.</p> - -<p>"I'm not committing myself to whether I could or couldn't. I could put -the Ten Commandments on an international hookup. Thou shalt not steal. -Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor his goods. I could get Walt Disney to -dramatize the golden rule."</p> - -<p>"Ah, I see you have some ideas for the copy already," the Ambassador -said. "I thought I could get you interested in it. Then you'll sign a -contract?"</p> - -<p>"No," Jerry said, briefly and definitely.</p> - -<p>"Now, wait a minute, Mr. Jergins," the Ambassador protested. "Why -do you suddenly become blunt and unqualified? Do you realize what -I'm offering you? In return for ceasing this tourist promotion, I'm -offering you the invention that obsolesces all others—the Matter -Repositor!"</p> - -<p>Jerry stood up and placed the palms of his hands flat on his desk. -"I told you that you'd learn something in our primitive jungle, Mr. -Ambassador. Well, this is it. We may be mechanical morons, according -to your standards, but we naked savages can produce anything we need. -Since we've corrected the misconception that what Earth produces isn't -good enough for Earthmen, and whipped up a tourist trade, business is -booming. And when it booms, we can distribute those Earth products in a -way that suits us pretty well. A primitive way, you may think, but one -that is adapted to the unfortunate circumstance that we aren't a bunch -of little tin saints living in an ideal world.</p> - -<p>"I asked you for Matter Repositors once, and you were wise enough to -turn me down. I'm glad you did. They'd cause us more trouble than the -atomic bomb. We don't want the damn things. Do <i>you</i> understand <i>that</i>?"</p> - -<p>On sudden impulse, Jerry strode across his office. There stood a large -and brilliantly colored object, jarring oddly with the other furniture. -Sometimes at a loss to spend his newly acquired wealth, Jerry had -yielded, a month or so before, to a desire conceived in childhood to -own a real honest-to-goodness juke box.</p> - -<p>Jerry fished in his pocket for a nickel, deposited it in the slot, -pushed button seven. Loud, tinny, and offensively blatant, the strains -of "I Don't Wanna Leave the Congo" filled the office, effectively -drowning out any further remarks the Ambassador from Outer Space might -have wished to make.</p> - -<p>"If you'll pardon me," Jerry shouted over the din, "I have some arrow -heads to chip—and a potential extraterrestrial mate to woo with a -quaint tribal ritual we call dating on Earth."</p> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of Project Gutenberg's The Pilot and the Bushman, by Sylvia Jacobs - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PILOT AND THE BUSHMAN *** - -***** This file should be named 51297-h.htm or 51297-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/1/2/9/51297/ - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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