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<body>
<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 51189 ***</div>
<div class='figcenter'>
<img src='images/cover.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0000' style='width:375px;height:auto;'/>
</div>
<hr class='pbk'/>
<p class='pindent'><a id='fron'></a></p>
<div class='figcenter'>
<img src='images/i001.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0001' style='width:425px;height:auto;'/>
<p class='caption'>“THE POST-OFFICE IS IN THE HEART OF AN OLD HOLLOW OAK TREE”</p>
</div>
<hr class='tbk100'/>
<div class='lgc' style=''> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-top:1.5em;margin-bottom:1em;font-size:1.5em;font-weight:bold;'>THE LOVER’S BAEDEKER</p>
<p class='line' style='text-align:center;font-size:1em;font-weight:bold;'>AND</p>
<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1.5em;font-size:1.5em;font-weight:bold;'>GUIDE TO ARCADY</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:1em;font-size:1em;font-weight:bold;'>BY</p>
<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:1.5em;font-size:1.3em;font-weight:bold;'>CAROLYN WELLS</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>WITH TWENTY ILLUSTRATIONS AND A COVER</p>
<p class='line'>BY A. D. BLASHFIELD AND MAPS BY</p>
<p class='line'>GEORGE W. HOOD</p>
</div> <!-- end rend -->
<div class='figcenter'>
<img src='images/i002.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0002' style='width:150px;height:auto;'/>
</div>
<div class='lgc' style=''> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'>NEW YORK</p>
<p class='line'>FREDERICK A. STOKES COMPANY</p>
<p class='line'>PUBLISHERS</p>
</div> <!-- end rend -->
<hr class='pbk'/>
<div class='lgc' style=''> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'><span class='it'>Copyright</span>, 1912, <span class='it'>by</span></p>
<p class='line'><span class='sc'>Frederick A. Stokes Company</span></p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<hr class='tbk101'/>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'><span class='it'>All rights reserved, including that of translation into foreign</span></p>
<p class='line'><span class='it'>languages, including the Scandinavian</span></p>
</div> <!-- end rend -->
<div class='figcenter'>
<img src='images/i003.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0003' style='width:250px;height:auto;'/>
</div>
<div class='lgc' style=''> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line' style='margin-top:2em;'>THE•PLIMPTON•PRESS</p>
<p class='line'>[W•D•O]</p>
<p class='line'>NORWOOD•MASS•U•S•A</p>
</div> <!-- end rend -->
<hr class='tbk102'/>
<div class='lgc' style=''> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'>THIS GUIDE BOOK</p>
<p class='line'>IS DEDICATED</p>
<p class='line' style='font-size:1.2em;'>TO ANNA WAITT</p>
<p class='line'>A TOURIST</p>
</div> <!-- end rend -->
<hr class='tbk103'/>
<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-top:1.5em;margin-bottom:1em;font-size:1.3em;font-weight:bold;'>CONTENTS</p>
<table id='tab1' summary='' class='center'>
<colgroup>
<col span='1' style='width: 25em;'/>
<col span='1' style='width: 3em;'/>
<col span='1' style='width: 1em;'/>
</colgroup>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Arcady and Its Environs</span>:</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><span class='sc'>Page</span></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> Preliminary Information</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_1'>1</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Topography</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_4'>4</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Routes</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#rout'>4</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Roads Out of Arcady</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#road'>8</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Season</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#seas'>11</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Climate</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#clim'>11</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Time</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#time'>11</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Time’s Valentine</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_15'>15</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Calendar</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_19'>19</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>The Lay of Lothario Lee</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_21'>21</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Money</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_24'>24</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Custom House</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_24'>24</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Cupid’s Failure</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#cupi'>28</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>History</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_29'>29</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>An Arcady Girl</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#anar'>31</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Under a New Charter</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#unde'>32</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Arcadia</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_34'>34</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>An Arcadian Lady</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#arca'>38</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Arcady</span>:</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> Preliminary Ramble</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#prel'>39</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Flora</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_41'>41</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>The Arcadian Language of Flowers</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_43'>43</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Hotels</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_44'>44</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Restaurants</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#rest'>45</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Sweet Shops</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#swee'>46</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Heard in Arcady</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_47'>47</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Dithyramb by an Arcadian Poet</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_49'>49</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Conveyances</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#conv'>50</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Shops</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_54'>54</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Cupid’s Sale</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#sale'>55</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Cupid’s Bill</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#bill'>57</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Institutions and Public Buildings</span>:</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> Places of Interest</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#plac'>58</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> Post-Office</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#post'>58</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> The Heart Exchange</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#exch'>61</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>The Intercepted Valentine</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_62'>62</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> Banks</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#bank'>62</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> The Hospital</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#hosp'>62</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> The Weather Bureau</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#weat'>65</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> The Campo Santo</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#camp'>65</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> The Hall of Fame</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#hall'>66</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Ballade of Arcady</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_67'>67</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Amusements</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_68'>68</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>The Old Story</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#olds'>75</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Language</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_75'>75</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Some Arcadian Bromidioms</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_76'>76</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Exercise for the Language Student</span>:</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>A Very Pretty Quarrel</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_77'>77</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> Degrees of Love</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_79'>79</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> Definitions</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#def'>79</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>The Spelling Lesson</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#thes'>79</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Love in Arcady</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_80'>80</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Insensibility</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_81'>81</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Biographical Sketch of Cupid</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#biog'>82</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Political Notes</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_84'>84</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Arcadian Laws</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#laws'>84</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Costumes</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_85'>85</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Then and Now</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#then'>86</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Walks</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_87'>87</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Old Valentines</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#oldv'>91</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Business Section</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_93'>93</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>It Happened in Arcady</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_94'>94</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Calamitous Catastrophe</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_101'>101</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Advertisements</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_103'>103</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Advertisement</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#advert'>113</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
</table>
<hr class='tbk104'/>
<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-top:1.5em;margin-bottom:1em;font-size:1.3em;font-weight:bold;'>LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS</p>
<table id='tab2' summary='' class='center'>
<colgroup>
<col span='1' style='width: 30em;'/>
<col span='1' style='width: 6em;'/>
<col span='1' style='width: 1em;'/>
</colgroup>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>The Post Office is in the heart of an old hollow oak tree</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#fron'><span class='it'>Frontispiece</span></a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><span class='it'>Facing page</span></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>Arcadia (Map)</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_3'>3</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>Across the Sea of Dreams in a Transport of Rapture</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_5'>5</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>The troubled waters of the Gulf of Woe</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_7'>7</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>Mountains of Opposition</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_8'>8</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>A radiant Goddess beckoning to him</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_9'>9</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>Many with a greed for lucre will follow the</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_10'>10</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'> Goddess of Fortune</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>’Tis love that makes the world go round</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_12'>12</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>The old clock on the stairs</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_13'>13</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>Sun dials and moon dials are approved as they mark the</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_17'>17</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'> bright hours only</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>Custom House</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_25'>25</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>Arcady and its Environs (Map)</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_35'>35</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>On the water all sorts of boats are used</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_51'>51</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>Cupid’s Heartware Shop</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_53'>53</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>The groves and dells are decorated with beautiful statues</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_59'>59</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>Weather Bureau</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_63'>63</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>The Mayday Plaisance is a large amusement</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_69'>69</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>A Serenader</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_73'>73</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>True lovers’ knots may be bought here</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_89'>89</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>The blissfully enraptured are conducted to sentimental spots</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_107'>107</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>Love proof window screens</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_114'>114</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>Map of the Town of Arcadia</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#endp'>End-leaves</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr>
</table>
<hr class='tbk105'/>
<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:0.5em;font-size:1.7em;font-weight:bold;'>THE LOVER’S BAEDEKER AND</p>
<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:0.5em;font-size:1.7em;font-weight:bold;'>GUIDE TO ARCADY</p>
<hr class='tbk106'/>
<div><span class='pageno' title='1' id='Page_1'></span><h1 class='nobreak'><span class='bold'>ARCADY AND ITS ENVIRONS</span></h1></div>
<h2 class='nobreak'>PRELIMINARY INFORMATION</h2>
<p class='noindent'><span style='float:left; clear: left; margin:0 0.1em 0 0; padding:0; line-height: 1.0em; font-size: 200%;'>O</span>ver the hills and far away lies Arcady,
the Mecca of all Lovers, and therefore
the place where Journeys End.
Situated on a large tract of enchanted ground,
in the Country of Agapemone, Arcady is a
beautiful and interesting place, and should be
visited by every tourist making the Grand
Tour of Life.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Even the shortest sojourn here will yield
rich rewards of interest and pleasure, and will
contribute more than long years of study to a
thorough enjoyment and comprehension of all
that is best in life.</p>
<p class='pindent'>The majority of the human race sooner or
later find Arcady for themselves, some seeking
it with a steadfast purpose, others blindly
stumbling into it all unexpectedly.</p>
<p class='pindent'>But to the traveler who would enjoy intelligently
its delights, the following hints may not
come amiss.</p>
<hr class='tbk107'/>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='3' id='Page_3'></span></p>
<div class='figcenter'>
<a href='images/i013f.png'><img src='images/i013.png' alt='' id='iid-0004' style='width:500px;height:auto;'/></a>
<p class='caption'><span class='it'>ARCADIA</span></p>
</div>
<hr class='tbk108'/>
<div><span class='pageno' title='4' id='Page_4'></span><h1>TOPOGRAPHY</h1></div>
<p class='pindent'>The Province of Arcadia, whose capital is
Arcady (see map No. 1), is bounded on the North
by the Land of Heart’s Desire, from which it
is separated by the Happy Valley.</p>
<p class='pindent'>On the East it is bounded by the Gulf of
Time, across which dimly may be seen, in the
distance, the Garden of Eden.</p>
<p class='pindent'>On the West by the Mountains of Opposition,
beyond which is the Gulf of Dark
Despair.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Along the Southern Shores murmur the lapping
wavelets of the Sea of Dreams, whose
wonderful phenomenon of Mirage often deceives
even an experienced traveler.</p>
<hr class='tbk109'/>
<p class='pindent'><a id='rout'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Routes</span></span>: Travelers may approach Arcady by
several routes. One of the pleasantest is the
Joy Line, by which passengers are carried across
the Sea of Dreams in Transports of Rapture.</p>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='5' id='Page_5'></span></p>
<div class='figcenter'>
<img src='images/i015.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0005' style='width:425px;height:auto;'/>
<p class='caption'>“ACROSS THE SEA OF DREAMS IN TRANSPORTS OF RAPTURE”</p>
</div>
<p class='pindent'>Another approach, preferred by adventurous
ones in search of excitement, is across the
Seas of Misunderstanding, through the troubled
waters of the Gulf of Wo, and over the difficult
and well-nigh impassable Mountains of Opposition.
However, when these mountains
are safely crossed the way is delightful and
easy.</p>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='7' id='Page_7'></span></p>
<div class='figcenter'>
<img src='images/i017.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0006' style='width:425px;height:auto;'/>
<p class='caption'>“THE TROUBLED WATERS OF THE GULF OF WO”</p>
</div>
<p class='pindent'><a id='road'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Roads out of Arcady</span></span>: The Road to Fame
often leads out of Arcady. An ambitious youth,
hearing a silvery trumpet note, looks up to see
a radiant Goddess beckoning to him. Unless a
true Lover, he may be dazzled by her glory and
cajoled by her promises. Lured away, he follows
the fickle Fair and soon loses all interest
in Arcadian delights.</p>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='8' id='Page_8'></span></p>
<div class='figcenter'>
<img src='images/i018.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0007' style='width:500px;height:auto;'/>
</div>
<p class='pindent'>The Road to Wealth is another easy way out
of Arcady. Not content with the Pot of Gold
at the End of the Rainbow, many with a greed
for lucre will follow the Goddess Fortune, who
is even more false and fickle than the Goddess
Fame.</p>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='9' id='Page_9'></span></p>
<div class='figcenter'>
<img src='images/i019.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0008' style='width:425px;height:auto;'/>
<p class='caption'>“A RADIANT GODDESS BECKONING TO HIM”</p>
</div>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='10' id='Page_10'></span>
Also there is the Downward Path, which leads
from the State of Matrimony to the Great
Divide. Crossing this, the unfortunate traveler
returns to the State of Single Blessedness.</p>
<div class='figcenter'>
<img src='images/i020.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0009' style='width:475px;height:auto;'/>
<p class='caption'>“MANY WITH A GREED FOR LUCRE WILL FOLLOW THE GODDESS FORTUNE”</p>
</div>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='11' id='Page_11'></span>
<a id='seas'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Season</span></span>: Arcady is an all-the-year-round resort,
and most of the districts described may
be visited at any season of the year. Spring
and Early Summer are perhaps best for an
initial visit.</p>
<p class='pindent'>June is an especially desirable time for young
lovers to be in Arcady, but Lovelorn Swains and
Minor Poets frequently choose the melancholy
days of Autumn.</p>
<hr class='tbk110'/>
<p class='pindent'><a id='clim'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Climate</span></span>: The Climatic conditions of Arcady
are peculiar. Though usually the weather is
balmy and pleasant, sometimes a sudden coolness
springs up and a frost is often distinctly
felt. A stormy time may ensue, and then suddenly
the clouds clear away and all is sunshine
once more.</p>
<hr class='tbk111'/>
<p class='pindent'><a id='time'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Time</span></span>: Time in Arcady is entirely a matter
of opinion. To a waiting Lover the minutes
are hours and lag slowly along, while to happy
hearts a golden day flies by as if on wings.</p>
<p class='pindent'>It is said that Love makes Time pass away,
and Time makes Love pass away; but the latter
<span class='pageno' title='12' id='Page_12'></span>
statement is obviously an error, for after Love
has made Time pass away, how can Time do
anything to Love?</p>
<p class='pindent'>However, ’tis Love that makes the world
go round, and this explains why Love makes
Time pass so rapidly.</p>
<div class='figcenter'>
<img src='images/i022.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0010' style='width:500px;height:auto;'/>
<p class='caption'>“’TIS LOVE THAT MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND”</p>
</div>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='13' id='Page_13'></span></p>
<div class='figcenter'>
<img src='images/i023.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0011' style='width:375px;height:auto;'/>
<p class='caption'>THE OLD CLOCK ON THE STAIRS</p>
</div>
<div class='lgc' style=''> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'>“FOREVER ——— NEVER</p>
<p class='line'> NEVER ———FOREVER”</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
</div> <!-- end rend -->
<p class='pindent'>Watches are of little use in Arcady, as the
Lovers deem them always too slow or too fast,
and usually forget to wind them, anyway. The
town timepiece is the Old Clock on the Stairs,
whose refrain is:</p>
<div class='blockquote'>
<div class='poetry-container' style=''><div class='lgp'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line0'><span class='it'>Forever—Never—</span></p>
<p class='line0'><span class='it'>Never—Forever—</span></p>
<p class='line'> </p>
</div></div> <!-- end poetry block --><!-- end rend -->
</div>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='14' id='Page_14'></span>
Forever and Never are the units of time
most employed by Arcadians, and their meanings
are synonymous.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Time when Lovers are separated is measured
by ages; when together, it is not measured at
all, as then the hours unheeded fly, or speed on
winged feet.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Sun dials and Moon dials are approved, as
they mark the bright hours only.</p>
<div><span class='pageno' title='15' id='Page_15'></span><h1>TIME’S VALENTINE</h1></div>
<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'>’Twas St. Valentine’s Day, and Father Time</p>
<p class='line'>Said, “I think I’ll scribble a bit o’ rhyme,</p>
<p class='line'>To send to the sweetest maid on earth.”</p>
<p class='line'>And the old fellow chuckled in roguish mirth.</p>
<p class='line'>He reached for his inkhorn and quill, then said,</p>
<p class='line'>As he absently nodded his wise old head,</p>
<p class='line'>“But what maiden is gentle and sweet and fine</p>
<p class='line'>Enough to be my Valentine?</p>
<p class='line'>There’s a musical girl in Kalamazoo,—</p>
<p class='line'>But I hear she beats Time, so she won’t do;</p>
<p class='line'>There’s a fair New York girl, proud and calm,</p>
<p class='line'>But they say she kills Time without a qualm!</p>
<p class='line'>A pretty clubwoman I saw one day,</p>
<p class='line'>But ‘I won’t have Time,’ I heard her say.</p>
<p class='line'>For one of those summer girls I yearn;</p>
<p class='line'>But they declare they ‘have Time to burn.’</p>
<p class='line'>There are lovely girls in a Southern clime,</p>
<p class='line'>But they sweetly admit that they waste Time,</p>
<p class='line'>While the bustling woman, with manners curt,</p>
<p class='line'>Takes Time by the forelock, and that does hurt.</p>
<p class='line'>On the Boston maiden I make no claim,</p>
<p class='line'>To improve Time seems to be her aim.</p>
<p class='line'>And I heard an old spinster contriving a plan</p>
<p class='line'>Say, ‘I’ll try to get Time as soon as I can.’</p>
<p class='line'>So none of these whom I’ve mentioned yet</p>
<p class='line'>A Valentine from Time shall get.</p>
<p class='line'>But I’ve in mind a maiden who,</p>
<p class='line'>When a fond lover came to woo,</p>
<p class='line'>Just blushed and hung down her pretty head,</p>
<p class='line'>And ‘Give me Time!’ was all she said.</p>
<p class='line'>By Cupid, that’s the maid for me!</p>
<p class='line'>To her my Valentine shall be.”</p>
</div></div> <!-- end rend -->
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='17' id='Page_17'></span></p>
<div class='figcenter'>
<img src='images/i027.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0012' style='width:425px;height:auto;'/>
<p class='caption'>“SUN DIALS AND MOON DIALS ARE APPROVED, AS THEY MARK THE BRIGHT HOURS ONLY”</p>
</div>
<hr class='tbk112'/>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='19' id='Page_19'></span>
<span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Calendar:</span></span> The Arcadian Calendar is entirely
made up of Red-Letter Days.</p>
<p class='pindent'>In the Spring the Young Man’s Fancy follows
the vernal tradition.</p>
<p class='pindent'>The Summer is entirely given over to the
Summer Girl’s flirtations.</p>
<p class='pindent'>In the Autumn a delicious Melancholy is in
the air and Arcadians experience</p>
<div class='blockquote0r9'>
<div class='poetry-container' style=''><div class='lgp'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line0'>A feeling of sadness and longing</p>
<p class='line0'>  That is not akin to wo;</p>
<p class='line0'>And resembles sorrow only</p>
<p class='line0'>  As a Poet resembles a Poe.</p>
</div></div> <!-- end poetry block --><!-- end rend -->
</div>
<p class='pindent'>In Winter come the Halcyon Days, and all
are glad and merry and Life is one grand, sweet
song and dance.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Many Fête Days are observed.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Christmas receives due consideration, but
St. Valentine’s Day and All Hallowe’en are even
more widely celebrated in Arcady.</p>
<p class='pindent'>April First, or All Fools’ Day, is not specially
observed, except in Fool’s Paradise, where it
is April Fools’ Day all the year round.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Midsummer Eve and the Eve of St. Agnes
are dear to Lovers, and as every day is Somebody’s
<span class='pageno' title='20' id='Page_20'></span>
Birthday, there are celebrations continually.
Mayday, too, is a pleasant occasion,
and on that day there are May-parties all over
the place, for Arcady is a Land where it is
always Saturday Afternoon.</p>
<div><span class='pageno' title='21' id='Page_21'></span><h1><span class='bold'>THE LAY OF LOTHARIO LEE</span></h1></div>
<div class='dramastart'><!----></div>
<p class='dramaline-cont'>Lothario Lee was saddened, the world seemed grim and gray;</p>
<p class='dramaline'>For Lothario Lee was a lover bold, and today was St. Valentine’s Day.</p>
<p class='dramaline-cont'>’Twas St. Valentine’s Day, and he fain would send his heart to the fair Florelle,</p>
<p class='dramaline'>For the radiant maid had inspired in his breast a passion he could not quell.</p>
<p class='dramaline-cont'>But alas! for the gay Lothario, his heart was held in fee</p>
<p class='dramaline'>Down at Dan Cupid’s pawnshop, at the sign of the roses three.</p>
<p class='dramaline-cont'>Willingly would the lovelorn knight that errant heart reclaim,</p>
<p class='dramaline'>But alas! the luckless Lothario hadn’t a cent to his name.</p>
<p class='dramaline-cont'>So he sadly sat and pondered, as doleful as he could be;</p>
<p class='dramaline'>When a brilliant notion struck him—“Done!” cried Lothario Lee.</p>
<p class='dramaline-cont'>“I’ll send her the pawnshop ticket, my tale of wo ’twill tell,</p>
<p class='dramaline'>For she alone can redeem my heart—the rich and rare Florelle.”</p>
<p class='dramaline-cont'>He sent her the tell-tale ticket, he scribbled a hasty line,</p>
<p class='dramaline'>Bidding her call at Dan Cupid’s shop and claim her valentine.</p>
<p class='dramaline-cont'>And as she read the message, in the soul of the fair Florelle</p>
<p class='dramaline'>A joyful thought rang merrily, like a far-away marriage bell.</p>
<p class='dramaline-cont'>With her heart in a frantic flutter, adown the street sped she,</p>
<p class='dramaline'>Till she reached Dan Cupid’s pawnshop, at the sign of the roses three.</p>
<p class='dramaline-cont'>Cupid sat at a work-bench, mending a broken dart;</p>
<p class='dramaline'>“I am Florelle,” said she, “and I come to claim Lothario’s heart.</p>
<p class='dramaline-cont'>“Here is the ticket, Cupid; what are the ransom fees?</p>
<p class='dramaline'>See, I will pay you the money; give me the heart, if you please.”</p>
<p class='dramaline-cont'>“But I am blind,” said Cupid, “I cannot see the name;</p>
<p class='dramaline'>Describe the heart you are looking for, and so make good your claim.”</p>
<p class='dramaline-cont'>“Lothario’s heart,” said the lady, “is brave and knows no fear.”</p>
<p class='dramaline'>“Alas!” said Cupid, dejectedly, “no such heart is here.”</p>
<p class='dramaline-cont'>“His heart,” said the lady, further, “is honest, and good, and true.”</p>
<p class='dramaline'>“No,” said Dan Cupid, wofully, “not one of these hearts will do.”</p>
<p class='dramaline-cont'>“His heart to me is single, it beats for me alone.”</p>
<p class='dramaline'>“Come, come,” cried Cupid, “impossible! Such hearts I’ve never known.</p>
<p class='dramaline-cont'>“The best in my collection has been mended once or twice,</p>
<p class='dramaline'>But here’s a heart that may suit you, if you’re willing to pay the price.</p>
<p class='dramaline-cont'>“It’s a heart that is sad and lonely, a trifle hard and cold,</p>
<p class='dramaline'>It seems to be rather scarred and worn—in fact, it’s getting old.</p>
<p class='dramaline-cont'>“It’s somewhat fickle and jealous, a bit impatient, too;</p>
<p class='dramaline'>And it’s branded with several maidens’ names—Coralie, Rose, and Loo.”</p>
<p class='dramaline-cont'>“Why, that’s the very heart I want,” said the lady, “give it to me;</p>
<p class='dramaline'>That’s the one I’ve been describing to you, the heart of Lothario Lee.”</p>
<p class='dramaline-cont'>As she left the shop in triumph, said Cupid, “I seem to find</p>
<p class='dramaline'>Each day a more convincing fact to prove that Love is blind.”</p>
<hr class='tbk113'/>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='24' id='Page_24'></span>
<span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Money</span></span>: Money is of little use in Arcady.
Those who are rich spend their money lavishly,
but the poor get along just as well, and
often better.</p>
<p class='pindent'>The principal coins of the Realm are the
Lucky Penny and the Last Red Cent.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Credit can always be had at the Arcadian
Shops, and is extended as often as desired.</p>
<hr class='tbk114'/>
<p class='pindent'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Custom House</span></span>: Hearts, especially if inflammable,
are dutiable articles, and should be
declared as such.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Worn on the sleeve, they are easily examined
by the Inspector, though a dishonest smuggler
has sometimes gone ashore with his heart in his
boots.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Hearts are appraised by weight, so heavy
hearts should be avoided and light hearts
should be carried whenever possible.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Broken hearts are not dutiable, unless they
have been repaired and are quite as good as
new.</p>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='25' id='Page_25'></span></p>
<div class='figcenter'>
<img src='images/i035.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0013' style='width:425px;height:auto;'/>
<p class='caption'>CUSTOM HOUSE <br/> “PASSIONS SHOULD ALWAYS BE DECLARED”</p>
</div>
<p class='pindent'>Stolen hearts may be confiscated by the
Customs Inspectors and returned to their
original owners. Stony hearts are exempt.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Passions should always be declared.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Keepsakes and souvenirs are not dutiable and
need not be shown.</p>
<div><h1><a id='cupi'></a><span class='bold'>CUPID’S FAILURE</span></h1></div>
<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'>Cupid, one day, in idle quest,</p>
<p class='line'>  Fitted a dainty dart</p>
<p class='line'>And aimed it at Priscilla’s breast,</p>
<p class='line'>  To strike Priscilla’s heart.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>Clean through it went, no heart was there;</p>
<p class='line'>  Said Cupid, “I believe</p>
<p class='line'>Priscilla’s just the girl to wear</p>
<p class='line'>  Her heart upon her sleeve.”</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>But there, alack! it was not found;</p>
<p class='line'>  “Aha!” cried Cupid, “note</p>
<p class='line'>Her frightened air; now I’ll be bound</p>
<p class='line'>  Her heart is in her throat.”</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>Failure again. On slender chance</p>
<p class='line'>  He one more arrow shoots;</p>
<p class='line'>Assuming from her downcast glance,</p>
<p class='line'>  Her heart is in her boots.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>Foiled, Cupid threw aside his bow;</p>
<p class='line'>  “She has no heart,” said he.</p>
<p class='line'>(He did not know that long ago</p>
<p class='line'>  She gave her heart to me.)</p>
</div></div> <!-- end rend -->
<div><span class='pageno' title='29' id='Page_29'></span><h1>HISTORY</h1></div>
<p class='pindent'>The early history of Arcady is lost in the
mists of ancient tradition. Looking backward
through the reversed Opera Glass of Time, we
see that it was originally settled by Adam and
Eve. Since then it has been peopled by lovers
of every age, sex, and condition of servitude.</p>
<p class='pindent'>These people are usually gentle and mild-mannered,
though occasionally given to angry
or quarrelsome outbreaks caused by jealousy
or misunderstanding. These outbreaks, however,
are indulged in mostly for the pleasure of
kissing and making up afterward, and forgiveness
is one of their chief characteristics.</p>
<p class='pindent'>The Arcadians are not gregarious, but go
about in couples, or sit solitary and alone, wrapt
in rapt thought.</p>
<p class='pindent'>The male population is divided into Lovers,
Poets, and Lunatics. There are various types
of Lovers—those that sigh like a furnace, those
that are pale and wan, and Swains.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Swains are usually Rustic or Lovelorn.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Feminine Arcadians are called Queens, Goddesses,
Angels, and other titles of incredible
foolishness.</p>
<p class='pindent'>In physical appearance dwellers in Arcady
are beautiful beyond all words. The women
have eyes as stars of twilight fair, faces with
gardens in, lily hands, amber-dropping hair,
and feet like little mice.</p>
<p class='pindent'>The men are handsome as Apollos; of heroic
size and Chesterfieldian manners.</p>
<p class='pindent'>The above-mentioned qualities, though not
always apparent to the disinterested observer,
are realized and insisted upon by the Lovers
themselves.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Oftenest the Citizens of Arcady are transients
and come and go as circumstances decree, but
in some rare instances a happy pair spend their
whole life in Arcady, or wander through the
Happy Valley and make their home in the Land
of Heart’s Desire.</p>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='31' id='Page_31'></span></p>
<div><h1><a id='anar'></a>AN ARCADY GIRL</h1></div>
<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'>His gold beams a-spinning, I asked of the sun</p>
<p class='line'>  If he ever had any to spare;</p>
<p class='line'>“Only once,” he replied, “too many I spun,</p>
<p class='line'>  And I gave them to Peggy for hair.”</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>I asked of the sky if his stars were all right,</p>
<p class='line'>  Or if he had over-supplies;</p>
<p class='line'>He said, “I had two which were rather too bright,</p>
<p class='line'>  So I gave them to Peggy for eyes.”</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>I asked of some fays who were cutting out flowers</p>
<p class='line'>  If they had any remnants or snips;</p>
<p class='line'>They said: “We had scraps of these poppies of ours,</p>
<p class='line'>  But we gave them to Peggy for lips.”</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>I said to the rain, “What becomes of the drops</p>
<p class='line'>  That you may not have used when it clears?”</p>
<p class='line'>He said, “If there are any left when it stops,</p>
<p class='line'>  I’ll give them to Peggy for tears.”</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>I artfully coaxed him to spill them all out,</p>
<p class='line'>  And scatter them over the miles,</p>
<p class='line'>And that is the reason, I haven’t a doubt,</p>
<p class='line'>  That Peg’s always dimpling with smiles.</p>
</div></div> <!-- end rend -->
<div><span class='pageno' title='32' id='Page_32'></span><h1><a id='unde'></a>UNDER A NEW CHARTER</h1></div>
<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'>Hello! Come in! I called you, Cupid,</p>
<p class='line'>  To take this box. Handle with care!</p>
<p class='line'>Look out! don’t be so careless, Stupid;</p>
<p class='line'>  I’d have you know my heart’s in there.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>Take it at once, boy, to Miss Kitty,</p>
<p class='line'>  And say it is a valentine.</p>
<p class='line'>How happy she’ll look, and how pretty,</p>
<p class='line'>  When she discovers it is mine!</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>Tell her for her my heart is yearning,</p>
<p class='line'>  And then, unless my judgment errs,</p>
<p class='line'>By the same messenger returning</p>
<p class='line'>  I rather think she’ll send me hers.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>What, Cupid, are you back already?</p>
<p class='line'>  And bringing me Miss Kitty’s heart?</p>
<p class='line'>Open it quickly! Stay, be steady!</p>
<p class='line'>  What’s this? A neatly printed chart!</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>“No spaces left at my disposal—</p>
<p class='line'>  Possibly some vacated soon;</p>
<p class='line'>But I have filed your kind proposal.</p>
<p class='line'>  Come up and call some afternoon.”</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>And here her heart is designated—</p>
<p class='line'>  What seas of dreams! what flowery isles!</p>
<p class='line'>The boundaries all distinctly stated,</p>
<p class='line'>  And measured by a scale of smiles.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>A large tract’s given to her poodle;</p>
<p class='line'>  A smaller one contains her cat;</p>
<p class='line'>Here is the claim of Lord Fitznoodle;</p>
<p class='line'>  Here her expensive picture-hat.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>Here I observe her mother’s quarters;</p>
<p class='line'>  This large compartment is her dad’s;</p>
<p class='line'>Here Revolutionary Daughters,</p>
<p class='line'>  And here her clubs and freaks and fads.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>Here is enshrined her baby cousin,</p>
<p class='line'>  And here that Count with whom she flirts;</p>
<p class='line'>Here are male tenants by the dozen</p>
<p class='line'>  (They’re only friends, so she asserts).</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>This corner’s occupied by Irving,</p>
<p class='line'>  This by her pearl and turquoise pin;</p>
<p class='line'>Although I know I am deserving,</p>
<p class='line'>  I don’t see how I can get in.</p>
</div></div> <!-- end rend -->
<div><span class='pageno' title='34' id='Page_34'></span><h1>ARCADIA</h1></div>
<p class='pindent'>The province of Arcadia proper, the country
between the Sea of Dreams and the Land of
Heart’s Desire (see map No. 2), is a large district
with well-defined boundaries.</p>
<p class='pindent'>The natural scenery is delightful, being chiefly
made up of flowery meads and sylvan dells
threaded by murmuring or babbling brooks.</p>
<p class='pindent'>The River Lethe flows through the country,
at one point dashing over a precipice in a great
Cataract. This is known as Lover’s Leap
and is, at times, the scene of fearful tragedies.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Despairing Swains threaten to end their lives
by dashing into the seething waters, unless their
capricious sweethearts will smile on them.</p>
<p class='pindent'>As the sweethearts usually smile, death rarely,
if ever, ensues.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Near the middle of the Country of Arcadia
is its capital, the town of Arcady, which is
described elsewhere.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Toward the Northwest lies Lotus Land, the
land where it is always afternoon, where the
charmed sunset lingers low adown in the red
West.</p>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='35' id='Page_35'></span></p>
<div class='figcenter'>
<a href='images/i045f.jpg'><img src='images/i045.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0014' style='width:500px;height:auto;'/></a>
<p class='caption'>LAND OF HEARTS DESIRE—ARCADY and its Environs</p>
</div>
<p class='pindent'>The inhabitants are the mild-eyed, melancholy
Lotus-Eaters, whose cult is Indolence set
to Music.</p>
<p class='pindent'>The mossy banks of Lotus Land slope down
to the River Lethe, and propt on beds of amaranth
and moly the Lotus-Eaters delight to watch
the long bright river drawing slowly and hear
the dewy echoes calling and watch the emerald
color’d water falling, and things like that.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Across the river from Lotus Land lies the
Garden of the Hesperides. These enterprising
maidens do a brisk trade in Golden Apples,
but this district must not be confounded with
the Garden of Eden, as they are not the same.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Going southward, following the shores of
the Gulf of Time, we come to the Land of Yesterday—and
further South to Never Never
Land. These are beautiful and attractive spots
much sought by Lovers of retrospective and
imaginative tendencies.</p>
<p class='pindent'>On the West side of the river, just South of
Lotus Land, lies Wanderland, and nearby are
the Elysian Fields. These districts are usually
thronged with Lovers sauntering about in pairs,
each couple being entirely oblivious of all the
others.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Further South we come to Dangerous Ground,
which slopes down to Lover’s Leap. Near here
is Fool’s Paradise. This is a popular spot and
often most delicious adventures may be met
here. The dwellers in Fool’s Paradise are absurdly
happy, and sometimes climb a small
eminence in the center of the place, known as
the Height of Folly.</p>
<p class='pindent'>To the West is a range of Blue Mountains.
The despairing swain often climbs these, but
when he reaches Mount Hope the world looks
brighter and he soon gets back to the Happy
Valley.</p>
<div><span class='pageno' title='38' id='Page_38'></span><h1><a id='arca'></a>AN ARCADIAN LADY</h1></div>
<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'>    MY LADY OF DELIGHT</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>With roguish glances bright,</p>
<p class='line'>  All on a summer’s day,</p>
<p class='line'>My Lady of Delight</p>
<p class='line'>  She stole my heart away.</p>
<p class='line'>And though I humbly beg</p>
<p class='line'>  And plead with her, alack!</p>
<p class='line'>My Lady of Delight</p>
<p class='line'>  She will not give it back.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>      Oh, Lady of Delight,</p>
<p class='line'>        The penalty is this—</p>
<p class='line'>      If you would keep the heart you stole</p>
<p class='line'>        Then pay me with a kiss.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>My Lady of Delight,</p>
<p class='line'>  She is a winsome thing;</p>
<p class='line'>She’s Queen of Summertime</p>
<p class='line'>  And Princess of the Spring.</p>
<p class='line'>The glory of her smile,</p>
<p class='line'>  The sunshine in her eyes,</p>
<p class='line'>Is like the dawn of breaking day</p>
<p class='line'>  Across the morning skies.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>      To linger by her side</p>
<p class='line'>        Is such delicious bliss,</p>
<p class='line'>      Methinks I’ll steal her heart from her,</p>
<p class='line'>        And pay her with a kiss.</p>
</div></div> <!-- end rend -->
<div><span class='pageno' title='39' id='Page_39'></span><h1>ARCADY</h1></div>
<p class='pindent'>Arcady, the capital and chief city of the
province of Arcadia, is a thickly settled town,
with delightful outlying districts and suburban
surroundings.</p>
<hr class='tbk115'/>
<p class='pindent'><a id='prel'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Preliminary Ramble</span></span>: The stranger visiting
Arcady for the first time cannot do better than
to begin by a walk down Lovers’ Lane, where he
must surely be impressed by the shady trees and
luxuriantly blooming flowers. Although sometimes
flooded with morning sunshine, it is usually
evening in Arcady. The moon shines always,
sometimes a Honeymoon glows brightly, and
there are generally stars, or perhaps a tender
twilight with a fading sunset. On each side of
the lane are the small houses of the Love-in-a-Cottage
Colony. These cottages are rose-embowered
and have white dimity curtains tied
with blue ribbons. Crossing Lovers’ Lane at
right angles is Primrose Path, the fashionable
street of Arcady. The dwellings here are air
castles (mostly of Spanish architecture) and
dreams of marble halls. One of the most
celebrated mansions is Claude Melnotte’s:</p>
<div class='blockquote0r9'>
<div class='poetry-container' style=''><div class='lgp'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line0'>A palace lifting to eternal summer</p>
<p class='line0'>Its marble walls, from out a glossy bower</p>
<p class='line0'>Of coolest foliage musical with birds,</p>
<p class='line0'>. . . while the perfumed light</p>
<p class='line0'>Stole through the mists of alabaster lamps,</p>
<p class='line0'>And every air was heavy with the sighs</p>
<p class='line0'>Of orange groves and music from sweet lutes,</p>
<p class='line0'>And murmurs of low fountains that gush forth</p>
<p class='line0'>I’ the midst of roses!</p>
</div></div> <!-- end poetry block --><!-- end rend -->
</div>
<p class='pindent'>Farther on a shaft of moonlight falls on
Juliet’s balcony, and beyond rise the towers
and turrets of the Castle of La Joyeuse Garde.
Primrose Path leads to Fool’s Paradise, but
turning off to the West the traveler may stroll
through Paradise Alley to the Elysian Fields.
This beautiful spot is always fanned by south
winds, and among its flowery arbors may be
heard the songs of larks, nightingales, and turtle
doves. Beyond lies the Forest of Arden. Here
sturdy oaks covered with clinging vines abound;
but the tree most frequently seen is the Trysting
Tree. These trees are interesting to visitors
because of the symbols carved on their
bark. Here one may notice the entwined initials
of Aucassin and Nicolette; there the true
lover’s knot of Orpheus and Eurydice, or the
overlapping hearts of Abelard and Heloise.
Crossing a stile we wander by the brookside,
or pause for a while at the old Ruined Mill to
count the Shooting Stars.</p>
<div><span class='pageno' title='41' id='Page_41'></span><h1>FLORA</h1></div>
<p class='pindent'>The flowers in Arcady are perennial and
bloom all the year round. There are roses for
every stage of the game, from the blush rose to
the Bride Rose. There are moss roses for those
who love old-fashioned flowers, and the Last
Rose of Summer is a variety much admired by
Romanticists. There are many old-fashioned
gardens in Arcady, and here may be seen Bleeding
Hearts, Forget-me-nots, Love-Lies-Bleeding,
Pansies for Thoughts, and Rosemary for Remembrance.
There is also Heartsease and Rue.
There are lanes of lilacs and orchards of apple
bloom. There are daisy fields and groves of
orange trees in blossom. Wild flowers grow
everywhere and mistletoe is indigenous. In
the flower-shops may be bought orchids or violets
in wealthy effects. In the Souvenir Shops
one may find pressed or dried flowers, and
these are much in demand. Poppies grow wild
along the banks of the Lethe River, and the
moon-flower flourishes in many gardens.</p>
<h2 class='nobreak'><span class='pageno' title='43' id='Page_43'></span>THE ARCADIAN LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS</h2>
<div class='blockquote'>
<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Asters</span></span>—I am very wealthy.</p>
<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Stock</span></span>—I have been successful in Wall Street.</p>
<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Phlox</span></span>—I shear lambs.</p>
<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Rubber Plant</span></span>—I love to look at you.</p>
<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Daisy</span></span>—You’re it.</p>
<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Burr</span></span>—I’m stuck on you.</p>
<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Oyster Plant</span></span>—Will you dine with me?</p>
<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Mint</span></span>—Do you live in Philadelphia?</p>
<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Anise</span></span>—Cordially yours.</p>
<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Cosmos</span></span>—You’re all the world to me.</p>
<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Marigold</span></span>—I mean business.</p>
<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Poppy</span></span>—May I speak to your father?</p>
<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Orchids</span></span>—I am extravagant.</p>
<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Palm</span></span>—Will you accept my hand?</p>
<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Tuberoses</span></span>—May you die soon.</p>
<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Bluebell</span></span>—I will telephone you.</p>
<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Mock Orange Blossoms</span></span>—I am only flirting with you.</p>
<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Moon Flowers</span></span>—I’m just crazy about you.</p>
<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Box</span></span>—Will you go to the opera with me?</p>
</div>
<div><span class='pageno' title='44' id='Page_44'></span><h1>HOTELS</h1></div>
<p class='pindent'>The hotels in Arcady are excellent, with
large and well-kept gardens, rose-embowered
lawns, ivy-hung turrets, and all requirements
of Romance.</p>
<p class='pindent'>In the interior of the town is Halcyon Hall,
owned by the Lovemore Company. This is
a new and sumptuous hotel, fitted up with a
careful attention to detail, which combines
eighteenth-century romance with nineteenth-century
convenience. Among its advantages
over the older hostelries are:</p>
<p class='pindent'>An Express Elevator to the Seventh Heaven,
and a Dream Interpreter Call and United
States Valentine Chute on every floor. It
is also lighted by an Automatic Electric
Moon.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Other important hotels are Orchid Court,
Honeymoon Hall, and Violet Villa.</p>
<p class='pindent'>The Grand Union is an old and well-known
hotel for married lovers. Less pretentious hostelries
are the bijou Villa Beaubelle, Starlight
Cottage, and Cupid’s Court.</p>
<p class='pindent'>There are many Inns, both quaint and interesting.
Their swinging sign-boards announce
such appropriate appellations as “Arms and
the Man,” “The Moon and I,” or “The World
is Mine.”</p>
<p class='pindent'>The St. Valentine Apartment House, situated
on Good Times Square, is a residential
building of the first class.</p>
<hr class='tbk116'/>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='45' id='Page_45'></span>
<a id='rest'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Restaurants</span></span>: These institutions are not
specially popular in Arcady, as the inhabitants
rarely have large appetites. Indeed, waiters
often set artificial viands before their patrons,
and the difference is not observed.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Guests are always overcharged, as the true
Lover has no thought of what he is paying and
settles any bill without a murmur.</p>
<p class='pindent'>A very popular table d’hôte service consists
of Bread and Cheese and Kisses, and the partakers
thereof drink to each other only with
their eyes and leave a kiss in the cup, so that
wine is never asked for.</p>
<hr class='tbk117'/>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='46' id='Page_46'></span>
<a id='swee'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Sweet Shops</span></span>: These shops are well patronized
and their wares include nectar, honey,
angel-cakes, taffy, kisses, and sweets of all sorts.
Orders are filled also for wedding-cakes, and
very soft drinks are served in loving-cups.</p>
<hr class='tbk118'/>
<h2 style='visibility:hidden; margin:0; font-size:0;' >HEARD IN ARCADY</h2>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='47' id='Page_47'></span></p>
<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line' style='font-size:1.3em;font-weight:bold;'> HEARD IN ARCADY</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line' style='font-size:1.2em;'> MUSIC IN THE GRASS</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>                        I</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>In the summer of the summer, when the hazy air is sweet</p>
<p class='line'>With the breath of crimson clover, and the day’s a-shine with heat,</p>
<p class='line'>When the sky is blue and burning and the clouds a downy mass,</p>
<p class='line'>When the breeze is idly dawdling, there is music in the grass—</p>
<p class='line'>          Just a thistly, whistly sound</p>
<p class='line'>          In the tangles near the ground;</p>
<p class='line'>And the flitting fairies often stop to listen as they pass.</p>
<p class='line'>          Just a lisping, whisp’ring tune,</p>
<p class='line'>          Like a bumblebee’s bassoon,</p>
<p class='line'>In a far-away fantasia, is the music in the grass.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>                        II</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>Would you know what makes the music? On each slender, quivering blade</p>
<p class='line'>There are notes and chords and phrases by the bees and crickets played;</p>
<p class='line'>And the grasshoppers and locusts strive each other to surpass</p>
<p class='line'>In their brave interpretation of the music in the grass.</p>
<p class='line'>          By the roguish breezes tossed</p>
<p class='line'>          You might think it would get lost,</p>
<p class='line'>But the careful fairies guard it, watching closely as they pass.</p>
<p class='line'>          So on every summer day,</p>
<p class='line'>          Sounding faint and far away,</p>
<p class='line'>Is the mystic, murmuring marvel of the music in the grass.</p>
</div></div> <!-- end rend -->
<div><span class='pageno' title='49' id='Page_49'></span><h1>DITHYRAMB BY AN ARCADIAN POET</h1></div>
<div class='lgl' style=''> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'>TO A MILKMAID IN ARCADY</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>I hail thee, O Milkmaid!</p>
<p class='line'>Goddess of the gaudy morn, Hail!</p>
<p class='line'>Across the mead tripping,</p>
<p class='line'>Invariably across the mead tripping,</p>
<p class='line'>The merry mead with cowslips blooming,</p>
<p class='line'>With daisies blooming,</p>
<p class='line'>The Milkmaid also more or less blooming!</p>
<p class='line'>I hail thee, O Milkmaid!</p>
<p class='line'>I recognize the value of thy pail in literature and art.</p>
<p class='line'>What were a pastoral poet without thee?</p>
<p class='line'>Oh, I know thee, Milkmaid!</p>
<p class='line'>I hail thy jaunty juvenescence.</p>
<p class='line'>I know thy eighteen summers and thy eternal springs.</p>
<p class='line'>Ay, I know thy trials!</p>
<p class='line'>I know how thou art outspread over pastoral poetry.</p>
<p class='line'>Rampant, ubiquitous, inevitable, thy riotings in pastoral poetry.</p>
<p class='line'>And in masterpieces of pastoral art!</p>
<p class='line'>How oft have I seen thee sitting;</p>
<p class='line'>On a tri-legged stool sitting;</p>
<p class='line'>On the wrong side of the cow sitting;</p>
<p class='line'>Garbed in all thy preposterous paraphernalia.</p>
<p class='line'>I know thy paraphernalia—</p>
<p class='line'>Yea, even thy impossible milkpail and thy improbable bodice.</p>
<p class='line'>Short-skirted Siren!</p>
<p class='line'>Big-hatted Beauty!</p>
<p class='line'>What were the gentle spring without thee?</p>
<p class='line'>I hail thee!</p>
<p class='line'>I hail thy vernality, and I rejoice in thy hackneyed ubiquitousness.</p>
<p class='line'>I hail the superiority of thy inferiorness, and</p>
<p class='line'>I lay at thy feet this garland of gratuitous</p>
<p class='line'>Hails!</p>
</div> <!-- end rend -->
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='51' id='Page_51'></span></p>
<div class='figcenter'>
<img src='images/i061.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0015' style='width:425px;height:auto;'/>
<p class='caption'>“ON THE WATER ALL SORTS OF BOATS ARE USED”</p>
</div>
<div><h1><a id='conv'></a>CONVEYANCES</h1></div>
<p class='pindent'>Arcady is oftenest traversed on foot, as
Lovers would rather stroll together through the
beautiful country than to ride, and many of
them walk on air. But, if desired, any vehicle
for two may be obtained at the Livery Stables.
Old-fashioned sidebar buggies and hansom cabs
are much in demand, and some swains still enjoy
a bicycle built for two.</p>
<p class='pindent'>On the water all sorts of boats are used.
On moonlight nights and balmy afternoons,
and also in the radiant glow of the early morning,
the lakes and streams are dotted with Shallops,
Cockle-Shells, or Gondolas, in which loving
pairs are idly drifting.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Also, at the Livery Stables, palfreys may
be engaged for eloping purposes, or chargers
may be hired by the Lover of medieval tastes,
and rope ladders are sold or rented for these
occasions.</p>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='53' id='Page_53'></span></p>
<div class='figcenter'>
<img src='images/i063.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0016' style='width:425px;height:auto;'/>
<p class='caption'>CUPID’S HEARTWARE SHOP</p>
</div>
<div><span class='pageno' title='54' id='Page_54'></span><h1>SHOPS</h1></div>
<p class='pindent'>The Arcadian shops offer delightful wares to
a doting Lover. Flower-markets and candy-shops
show tempting display windows, and
book-stalls can supply presentation editions
of all the love-lore ever written from Sappho
to the present day. The jewel-shops are marvels
of splendor, and the Arcady arcades and
bazaars show love-tokens and souvenirs of all
sorts. An interesting place to visit is Dan
Cupid’s Heartware shop, where charms, love-philters,
and true-love knots are for sale. There
is also a repairing department, where broken
hearts are mended and made as good as new.
Here hearts may be repaired while you wait.</p>
<h2><a id='sale'></a>CUPID’S SALE</h2>
<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'>Amid their annual display</p>
<p class='line'>  Of roses, doves, and darts,</p>
<p class='line'>Cupid and Co. announce today</p>
<p class='line'>  A Bargain Sale of Hearts.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>Ho, luckless suitor lachrymose,</p>
<p class='line'>  Ho, lacklove lovelorn swain,</p>
<p class='line'>Gallants rejected and morose,</p>
<p class='line'>  Hearts you may here obtain.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>Rare specimens that must be sold,</p>
<p class='line'>  One that is pure and true;</p>
<p class='line'>One, an antique, exceeding old,</p>
<p class='line'>  But quite as good as new.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>And as we know there’ll be a crowd</p>
<p class='line'>  Before the day is done,</p>
<p class='line'>No single buyer is allowed</p>
<p class='line'>  To purchase more than one.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>A man might find ’mong broken hearts</p>
<p class='line'>  A fitting mate for his;</p>
<p class='line'>Dan Cupid mends with skilful arts</p>
<p class='line'>  And sells them cheap “as is.”</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>Then as you take your walks abroad,</p>
<p class='line'>  Ho, all ye lovers, stop!</p>
<p class='line'>And view these bargains which we laud</p>
<p class='line'>  At Cupid’s Heartware Shop.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
</div></div> <!-- end rend -->
<p class='pindent'>The gloveshop is a popular emporium, for
gloves are so often given or confiscated, for
souvenirs, that they must be continually replaced.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Mittens, also used as gifts, are for sale here.</p>
<p class='pindent'>In the bookshops the best selling titles are
“How to Make Love and How to Keep It,”
“Sonnets from the Portuguese,” “The Lover’s
Lexicon.”</p>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='57' id='Page_57'></span></p>
<h2><a id='bill'></a>CUPID’S BILL</h2>
<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'>One summer day, poor little Cupid</p>
<p class='line'>  Sat sadly poring o’er his slate.</p>
<p class='line'>“I fear I must be very stupid,”</p>
<p class='line'>  He said, and shook his curly pate.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>And then he ran away to Venus.</p>
<p class='line'>  “Dear mother, help me! if you will,</p>
<p class='line'>I’m sure,” he cried, “that we between us</p>
<p class='line'>  Can straighten out Sir Strephon’s bill.”</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>Said Venus, “Just as I expected!</p>
<p class='line'>  You always do make such a fuss</p>
<p class='line'>With bills!” But soon it was corrected,</p>
<p class='line'>  And the account was rendered thus:</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>Sir Strephon—</p>
<p class='line'>        To Dan Cupid, Dr.,</p>
<p class='line'>  To shooting at six maidens’ hearts.</p>
<p class='line'>To making one blue silken fetter.</p>
<p class='line'>  To half a dozen blunted darts.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>To seven arrows, lost or broken.</p>
<p class='line'>  To one heart by a blunder hit.</p>
<p class='line'>To one new bow. To one love-token.</p>
<p class='line'>  Terms cash. No credit. Please remit.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>“Hasten,” cried Venus, “do not tarry!</p>
<p class='line'>  Today is Strephon’s wedding-day.</p>
<p class='line'>Unless he settle e’er he marry,</p>
<p class='line'>  Cupid may whistle for his pay.”</p>
</div></div> <!-- end rend -->
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='59' id='Page_59'></span></p>
<div class='figcenter'>
<img src='images/i069.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0017' style='width:425px;height:auto;'/>
<p class='caption'>“THE GROVES AND DELLS ARE DECORATED WITH BEAUTIFUL STATUES”</p>
</div>
<div><h1><a id='inst'></a>INSTITUTIONS AND PUBLIC BUILDINGS</h1></div>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='58' id='Page_58'></span></p>
<p class='pindent'><a id='plac'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Places of Interest</span></span>: A walk or drive round
Arcady will reveal many points of interest to the
traveler. The groves and dells are decorated
with beautiful statues, among which may be
noticed Venus, Eros, Psyche, Adonis, Lothario,
Dulcinea, Byron, Mrs. Browning, and lovers of
all times and ages.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Around the corner there is a little church with
a chime of wedding bells.</p>
<hr class='tbk119'/>
<p class='pindent'><a id='post'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Post-Office</span></span>: The post-office is in the heart
of an old hollow oak tree at the corner of Lovers’
Lane and Great Joy Street. It is always much
used, but on St. Valentine’s Day the accommodations
are quite inadequate.</p>
<p class='pindent'><a id='exch'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Heart Exchange</span></span>: The Heart Exchange is a time-honored institution,
and a circulating library of hearts is
patronized by summer girls and college youths.
The Poet’s Corner (corner of Grub Street and
Maiden Lane) is always a crowded spot, and
the Photograph Galleries are well patronized.</p>
<div class='blockquote0r9'>
<div class='poetry-container' style=''><div class='lgp'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line0'>   THE INTERCEPTED VALENTINE</p>
<p class='line0'><span class='pageno' title='62' id='Page_62'></span></p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line0'>Little Bo-peep, will you be mine?</p>
<p class='line0'>I want you for my Valentine.</p>
<p class='line0'>You are my choice of all the girls,</p>
<p class='line0'>With your blushing cheeks and your fluttering curls,</p>
<p class='line0'>With your ribbons gay and your kirtle neat,</p>
<p class='line0'>None other is so fair and sweet.</p>
<p class='line0'>Little Bo-peep, let’s run away,</p>
<p class='line0'>And marry each other on Midsummer Day;</p>
<p class='line0'>And ever to you I’ll be fond and true.</p>
<p class='line0'>                    Your faithful Valentine,</p>
<p class='line0'>                                  Little Boy Blue.</p>
</div></div> <!-- end poetry block --><!-- end rend -->
</div>
<hr class='tbk120'/>
<p class='pindent'><a id='bank'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Banks</span></span>: There are many banks. One of the
best known is the bank on which the wild thyme
grows, and another almost equally noted is the
bank on which the moonlight slept so sweetly
in Jessica’s time.</p>
<p class='pindent'>There is a Rainy-Day Bank, much patronized
by thrifty young Lovers.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Every day is Bank Holiday in Arcady.</p>
<hr class='tbk121'/>
<p class='pindent'><a id='hosp'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>The Hospital</span></span>: The hospital is a fine up-to-date
building, for the benefit of lovesick swains.
It is situated on the corner of Heartbreak
Avenue and Despair Street, and is in charge
of skilled medical men and well-trained nurses.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Special wards are provided for the moonstruck,
and padded cells for Swains suffering from
Love’s delirium, or those frantic Lovers who have
been bitten by the Green-Eyed Monster.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Emergency Specialists provide first aid to
the smitten, and Anatomical Experts attend
those who have had their heads turned, or who
have fallen over head and ears in love; while
clever Oculists look after those whom Love
has made blind, or whose eyes are in a fine frenzy
rolling.</p>
<hr class='tbk122'/>
<p class='pindent'><a id='weat'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>The Weather Bureau</span></span>: The weather bureau
in Arcady is a most unreliable affair.</p>
<p class='pindent'>If a frown cloud his lady’s face, the sign to
the Lover is: “Fair and Slightly Cooler.”</p>
<p class='pindent'>If he fail in any attention she expected, the sign
may be read: “About this time expect a frost.”</p>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='63' id='Page_63'></span></p>
<div class='figcenter'>
<img src='images/i073.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0018' style='width:425px;height:auto;'/>
<p class='caption'>WEATHER BUREAU<br/>“FAIR AND SLIGHTLY COOLER”</p>
</div>
<hr class='tbk123'/>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='65' id='Page_65'></span></p>
<p class='pindent'><a id='camp'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>The Campo Santo</span></span>: The Campo Santo is a
most romantic and enjoyable spot. From
earliest times it has been the habit of Lovers
to wander through a graveyard—and the
cemetery in Arcady so abounds in romantic
memories that it is an Elysium in itself. The
graves are kept green of such historic lovers as
Paris and Helen, Paolo and Francesca, Hero
and Leander; while the monument of Romeo
and Juliet is a veritable shrine and is always
decked with fresh flowers.</p>
<hr class='tbk124'/>
<p class='pindent'><a id='hall'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>The Hall of Fame</span></span>: Arcady never tires of
honoring the memory of her eminent citizens.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Aside from the tombstones in the Campo
Santo and the statues in the Public Gardens,
there are Monuments in the Hall of Fame that
again perpetuate the memory of departed Heroes
and Heroines of Romance.</p>
<p class='pindent'>A tablet in bas-relief shows the despairing
Huguenot Lovers, while next it stands a sculptured
group of “Darby and Joan.”</p>
<p class='pindent'>The lovely Pastoral Work, “Corydon and
Phyllis,” is opposite the equally charming piece,
“Strephon and Chloe.”</p>
<p class='pindent'>Fair Margaret and Sweet William sleep in
effigy, and noted Lovers of all climes and ages
are represented.</p>
<div><span class='pageno' title='67' id='Page_67'></span><h1>BALLADE OF ARCADY</h1></div>
<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'>Oh, Life sings in a joyous strain</p>
<p class='line'>  When Cupid holds our hearts in fee;</p>
<p class='line'>The days such happiness contain,</p>
<p class='line'>  The nights bring merry revelry.</p>
<p class='line'>  Our souls are tuned to highest key,</p>
<p class='line'>Our hearts from joy know not surcease;—</p>
<p class='line'>  Yet this one truth comes home to me,</p>
<p class='line'>The dearest gift of Love is Peace.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>When many roguish smiles enchain,</p>
<p class='line'>  When many voices chime in glee,</p>
<p class='line'>An interest in them all I feign,</p>
<p class='line'>  And each the fairest seems to be.</p>
<p class='line'>  But one I seek all earnestly,</p>
<p class='line'>As Jason sought the Golden Fleece,</p>
<p class='line'>  Whose heart would fain agree with me,</p>
<p class='line'>The dearest gift of Love is Peace.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>My fond quest has not been in vain,</p>
<p class='line'>  Shyly she listened to my plea;</p>
<p class='line'>And Cupid, peeping at us twain,</p>
<p class='line'>  Smiled as I knelt on bended knee.</p>
<p class='line'>  From gay enchantments now I’m free,</p>
<p class='line'>I feel their trifling charms decrease,</p>
<p class='line'>  From all their blandishments I flee,</p>
<p class='line'>The dearest gift of Love is Peace.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>            L’ENVOI</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>Sweetheart, we’ve done with coquetry,</p>
<p class='line'>  With coy flirtation and caprice;</p>
<p class='line'>All these are past,—and now we see</p>
<p class='line'>  The dearest gift of Love is Peace.</p>
</div></div> <!-- end rend -->
<div><span class='pageno' title='68' id='Page_68'></span><h1>AMUSEMENTS</h1></div>
<p class='pindent'>The Mayday Plaisance is a large Amusement
Park situated on Good Times Square.</p>
<p class='pindent'>This is frequented by light-hearted and frivolous-minded
young Arcadians, who enjoy the
amusements provided.</p>
<hr class='tbk125'/>
<p class='pindent'>There is a Captive Aeroplane in the Seventh
Heaven, which makes flights every half-hour.
The stay in the Seventh Heaven is necessarily
short, but enthusiastic Lovers go often.</p>
<hr class='tbk126'/>
<p class='pindent'>The Descent Into the Inferno is another
diversion, patronized by intense or quick-tempered
pairs.</p>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='69' id='Page_69'></span></p>
<div class='figcenter'>
<img src='images/i079.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0019' style='width:425px;height:auto;'/>
<p class='caption'>“THE MAYDAY PLAISANCE IS A LARGE AMUSEMENT PARK”</p>
</div>
<p class='pindent'>The Well of Truth is an interesting feature.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Looking down into its crystal-clear depths,
Lovers learn the truth about each other. This
often causes much merriment, or the reverse.
(On the whole it is a dangerous pastime.)</p>
<hr class='tbk127'/>
<p class='pindent'>Joy Rides are usually clandestine and secret.
They often end disastrously, but this is part
of the fun. Any vehicle may be used and any
speed maintained. Oftenest it is a slow, merely
moving crawl, but again it may be a break-neck
dash. Joy Rides have been popular in Arcady
for many centuries. Some have been immortalized
in Song and Story. Robert Browning’s
“Last Ride Together” is a stirring tale of a
Joy Ride. See also “The Ride of Lochinvar”
and “The Young Lady of Niger.”</p>
<hr class='tbk128'/>
<p class='pindent'>Bands of Serenaders are often heard in the
Mayday Plaisance. These are of troubadour
effect and sing sad or tender love songs to the
accompaniment of such instruments as lutes,
guitars, bassoons, etc. The audience (in pairs)
are ensconced in vine-hung balconies and thus
enjoy the appropriate music.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Dreamland is a part of the Mayday Plaisance,
and here young lovers may indulge in
fairest Day-dreams.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Dream Interpreters are here, who are skilled
in interpreting Love’s Young Dream.</p>
<p class='pindent'>One may choose to have a Midsummer-Night’s
Dream, or he may dream that he dwelt in Marble
Halls, and, if waking is a pain, he may dream
again. Or, if Love’s Dream is o’er, he may ask
to have a change come o’er the spirit of his
Dream.</p>
<hr class='tbk129'/>
<p class='pindent'>Another diversion is the Illusion known as
the Bridal Veil. This fools many.</p>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='73' id='Page_73'></span></p>
<div class='figcenter'>
<img src='images/i083.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0020' style='width:325px;height:auto;'/>
<p class='caption'>A SERENADER</p>
</div>
<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line' style='margin-top:1.5em;font-size:1.2em;font-weight:bold;'><a id='olds'></a>THE OLD STORY</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>Tonight I met Rose,</p>
<p class='line'>  So it’s all up with Polly.</p>
<p class='line'>She bewitches the beaux,</p>
<p class='line'>And tonight I met Rose;</p>
<p class='line'>Now who would suppose</p>
<p class='line'>  <span class='it'>I’d</span> be caught by such folly?</p>
<p class='line'>But tonight I met Rose,</p>
<p class='line'>  So it’s all up with Polly.</p>
</div></div> <!-- end rend -->
<div><span class='pageno' title='75' id='Page_75'></span><h1>LANGUAGE</h1></div>
<p class='pindent'>For those who wish to derive the greatest
possible pleasure from a visit to Arcady, some
acquaintance with the Language of Love is indispensable.
This can best be acquired by a
careful study of poetry and romantic novels,
and about four hours’ practise every day.
(“The Lover’s Phrase Book” is a useful little
treatise, as it gives four thousand terms of endearment,
alphabetically arranged, and is small
enough to be carried in the pocket, for ready
reference, in case of love at first sight.)</p>
<p class='pindent'>The Language of Love is largely composed of
adjectives and expletives.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Hyperbole and other flowery figures of speech
abound.</p>
<p class='pindent'>It is also peculiarly rich in idioms, most of
which are generally unintelligible, being made
up by those who use them.</p>
<hr class='tbk130'/>
<p class='pindent'>The beginner usually thus learns the first
principles of conjugation.</p>
<p class='pindent'>First Person, I love. This is a joy and a
revelation and he is the happiest man on earth.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Second Person, Thou lovest. This completes
his rapture and he is in Heaven.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Third Person, He loves. This is known as
the Tertium Quid and casts the beginner into
the depths of Hades.</p>
<div><span class='pageno' title='76' id='Page_76'></span><h1>SOME ARCADIAN BROMIDIOMS</h1></div>
<p class='pindent'>“When did you first begin to love me?”</p>
<p class='pindent'>“Do you love me as much as ever?”</p>
<p class='pindent'>“You don’t love me any more.”</p>
<p class='pindent'>“I never loved any girl but you.”</p>
<p class='pindent'>“Oh, I thought I loved him, but now I know
it wasn’t really love.”</p>
<p class='pindent'>“They think they’re happy, but they don’t
know what love means,—as we do.”</p>
<p class='pindent'>“Do you really think I’m pretty?”</p>
<p class='pindent'>“I don’t see why you love me.”</p>
<p class='pindent'>“Nobody in all the world ever loved as we
do.”</p>
<p class='pindent'>“How did you come to love me in the first
place?”</p>
<p class='pindent'>“Would you forgive me anything?”</p>
<div><h1>EXERCISE FOR THE LANGUAGE STUDENT</h1></div>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='77' id='Page_77'></span></p>
<p class='line' style='text-align:left;margin-left:5em;margin-top:2em;'>A VERY PRETTY QUARREL</p>
<div class='blockquote'>
<div class='poetry-container' style=''><div class='lgp'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>—Tell me you love me, pretty poppet</p>
<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>She</span>—I love you more than you love me!</p>
<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>—Oh, no! Excuse me, my own moppet;</p>
<p class='line0'>       But truly, sweet, that cannot be!</p>
</div></div> <!-- end poetry block --><!-- end rend -->
</div>
<div class='blockquote'>
<div class='poetry-container' style=''><div class='lgp'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>She</span>—What cannot be?</p>
<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>— That you <span class='it'>could</span> love me</p>
<p class='line0'>       More or as much as I love you.</p>
<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>She</span>—Ah, so you set yourself above me?</p>
</div></div> <!-- end poetry block --><!-- end rend -->
</div>
<div class='blockquote'>
<div class='poetry-container' style=''><div class='lgp'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>—No, no! not that!</p>
<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>She</span>— Oh, yes, you do!</p>
</div></div> <!-- end poetry block --><!-- end rend -->
</div>
<div class='blockquote'>
<div class='poetry-container' style=''><div class='lgp'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>—Now do be reasonable, dearie.</p>
<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>She</span>— I will be, sir, if you’ll allow</p>
<p class='line0'>    I love you best.</p>
<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>— You make me weary!</p>
<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>She</span>—Well, just admit it, anyhow.</p>
</div></div> <!-- end poetry block --><!-- end rend -->
</div>
<div class='blockquote'>
<div class='poetry-container' style=''><div class='lgp'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>—I won’t!</p>
<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>She</span>— If you <span class='it'>did</span> love me best, dear,</p>
<p class='line0'>       You’d say whatever I might ask,</p>
<p class='line0'>    <span class='it'>Because</span> I ask it.</p>
<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>— Chuck the rest, dear;</p>
<p class='line0'>      You’ve set me now an easy task.</p>
</div></div> <!-- end poetry block --><!-- end rend -->
</div>
<div class='blockquote'>
<div class='poetry-container' style=''><div class='lgp'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>She</span>—I love you best! Is not that so, love?</p>
<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>— It is; and thus we meet the test</p>
<p class='line0'>      I say what you command, you know, love,</p>
<p class='line0'>        Only because <span class='it'>I</span> love <span class='it'>you</span> best!</p>
</div></div> <!-- end poetry block --><!-- end rend -->
</div>
<div class='blockquote'>
<div class='poetry-container' style=''><div class='lgp'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>She</span>—You horrid thing!</p>
<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>— Why, what now, Janet?</p>
<p class='line0'>      I said just what you asked me to!</p>
<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>She</span>—You’re mean and cruel!</p>
<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>— You began it!</p>
<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>She</span>— I didn’t! You did!</p>
<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>— No; ’twas you!</p>
</div></div> <!-- end poetry block --><!-- end rend -->
</div>
<div class='blockquote'>
<div class='poetry-container' style=''><div class='lgp'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>—Come, dearie, stop this silly snarling;</p>
<p class='line0'>      You <span class='it'>do</span> love most, I spoke in jest;</p>
<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>She</span>—No, no, <span class='it'>your</span> love is greatest, darling;</p>
<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>— No, my sweetheart, <span class='it'>you</span> love <span class='it'>me</span> best!</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line0'>    (<span class='it'>Repeat ad lib. D. C. al fine</span>)</p>
</div></div> <!-- end poetry block --><!-- end rend -->
</div>
<div><span class='pageno' title='79' id='Page_79'></span><h1>DEGREES OF LOVE</h1></div>
<table id='tab3' summary='' class='center'>
<colgroup>
<col span='1' style='width: 6em;'/>
<col span='1' style='width: 6em;'/>
<col span='1' style='width: 1em;'/>
</colgroup>
<tr><td class='tab3c1 tdStyle2'>Positive:</td><td class='tab3c2 tdStyle2'>My Own!</td><td class='tab3c3 tdStyle2'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab3c1 tdStyle2'>Comparative:</td><td class='tab3c2 tdStyle2'>My Owner!</td><td class='tab3c3 tdStyle2'></td></tr>
<tr><td class='tab3c1 tdStyle2'>Superlative:</td><td class='tab3c2 tdStyle2'>My Ownest!</td><td class='tab3c3 tdStyle2'></td></tr>
</table>
<div><h1 class='nobreak'><a id='def'></a>DEFINITIONS</h1></div>
<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'>Forever: until tomorrow.</p>
<p class='line'>Never: until tomorrow.</p>
<p class='line'>Yes: no.</p>
<p class='line'>No: yes.</p>
<p class='line'>Keepsake: any worthless piece of property.</p>
<p class='line'>Absence: a heart stimulant.</p>
<p class='line'>Alone: (for one) misery.</p>
<p class='line'>Alone: (for two) joy.</p>
<p class='line'>X X X: kisses.</p>
<p class='line'>o o o: kisses.</p>
</div></div> <!-- end rend -->
<div><h1><a id='thes'></a>THE SPELLING LESSON</h1></div>
<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'>  When Venus said: “Spell <span class='it'>no</span> for me,”</p>
<p class='line'>“N-O,” Dan Cupid wrote with glee,</p>
<p class='line'>  And smiled at his success;</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>“Ah, child,” said Venus, laughing low,</p>
<p class='line'>“We women do not spell it so,</p>
<p class='line'>  We spell it Y-E-S.”</p>
</div></div> <!-- end rend -->
<div><span class='pageno' title='80' id='Page_80'></span><h1>LOVE IN ARCADY</h1></div>
<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'>What to us is time or space,</p>
<p class='line'>Hours of absence, days of grace;</p>
<p class='line'>  As we rule and reign alone</p>
<p class='line'>  In a kingdom of our own?</p>
<p class='line'>Love like ours is up to date,</p>
<p class='line'>Sneers at fortune, conquers Fate;</p>
<p class='line'>  Makes the loves of early times</p>
<p class='line'>  Look like three bright, shiny dimes.</p>
<p class='line'>Couldn’t we give cards and spades</p>
<p class='line'>To historic lovers’ shades!</p>
<p class='line'>  Easily our love can beat</p>
<p class='line'>  That of Faust and Marguerite.</p>
<p class='line'>Heloise and Abelard</p>
<p class='line'>Stooped to tricks that we’d discard;</p>
<p class='line'>  Orpheus and Eurydice</p>
<p class='line'>  Only knew a simple way;</p>
<p class='line'>Launcelot and Guinevere</p>
<p class='line'>Wondering would our love-songs hear,</p>
<p class='line'>  And a few things we might show</p>
<p class='line'>  Juliet and Romeo.</p>
<p class='line'>Hero we’d give pointers to,</p>
<p class='line'>Teach Leander how to woo.</p>
<p class='line'>  I could coach Semiramis,</p>
<p class='line'>  Trojan Helen teach to kiss.</p>
<p class='line'>You’d teach Dante and Petrarch,</p>
<p class='line'>Distance Cleopatra’s Mark.</p>
<p class='line'>  Oh, the loves of bygone days</p>
<p class='line'>  Were not up to modern ways!</p>
</div></div> <!-- end rend -->
<div><span class='pageno' title='81' id='Page_81'></span><h1>INSENSIBILITY</h1></div>
<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'>They tell me that the day is fair,</p>
<p class='line'>With blossoms springing everywhere;</p>
<p class='line'>I do not know, I cannot say,</p>
<p class='line'>For thou, my love, art far away.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>They tell me that the birds sing sweet,</p>
<p class='line'>That brooklets ripple at my feet;</p>
<p class='line'>I do not know, I cannot hear,</p>
<p class='line'>For thou, my love, art nowhere near.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>They tell me that the sky is blue,</p>
<p class='line'>The hills take on a purple hue;</p>
<p class='line'>I do not know, I cannot see,</p>
<p class='line'>For thou, my love, art not with me.</p>
</div></div> <!-- end rend -->
<div><span class='pageno' title='82' id='Page_82'></span><h1><a id='biog'></a>BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH OF CUPID</h1></div>
<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'>Ever so many years ago,</p>
<p class='line'>When Cupid was quite young, you know,</p>
<p class='line'>There were no schools at all, and so,</p>
<p class='line'>  Athirst for information,</p>
<p class='line'>Each day the funny little chap</p>
<p class='line'>Would climb up in Dame Venus’ lap,</p>
<p class='line'>And study from a book or map</p>
<p class='line'>  To get his education.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>He traced in his Geography</p>
<p class='line'>The Primrose Path to Arcady;</p>
<p class='line'>He bounded Agapemone,</p>
<p class='line'>  And Flowery Fields Elysian.</p>
<p class='line'>Then, his Arithmetic begun,</p>
<p class='line'>He learned that one and one make one,</p>
<p class='line'>That one from two leaves simply none,</p>
<p class='line'>  And Love abhors division.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>From Botany he learned to know</p>
<p class='line'>The value of the mistletoe,</p>
<p class='line'>And why a rose is cherished so,</p>
<p class='line'>  Even when it is faded.</p>
<p class='line'>Rhetoric taught him how to say</p>
<p class='line'>Fair speeches in a pretty way;</p>
<p class='line'>And if a lass should murmur “Nay,”</p>
<p class='line'>  How she must be persuaded.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>On History’s thrilling page he met</p>
<p class='line'>With Romeo and Juliet,</p>
<p class='line'>Brave Aucassin and Nicolette,</p>
<p class='line'>  And other hearts devoted.</p>
<p class='line'>Then in Astronomy he found</p>
<p class='line'>What ’tis that makes the world go round,</p>
<p class='line'>And why the moon is so renowned,</p>
<p class='line'>  And shooting stars are noted.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>In Grammar Cupid had to say</p>
<p class='line'>“I love, thou lov’st, he loves,” each day,</p>
<p class='line'>And learn of hearts declined, that they</p>
<p class='line'>  Can still be conjugated.</p>
<p class='line'>He studied the Industrial Arts,</p>
<p class='line'>Became adept at mending hearts,</p>
<p class='line'>Right skilfully he fashioned darts,</p>
<p class='line'>  And wondrous love-knots plaited.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>A Magic course he had to take,</p>
<p class='line'>And for sad hearts that ache or break</p>
<p class='line'>Love-philters strange he learned to make</p>
<p class='line'>  From musk and myrrh and myrtle.</p>
<p class='line'>He studied deeply souls that yearned,</p>
<p class='line'>Investigated hearts that burned,</p>
<p class='line'>And all the tricks and habits learned</p>
<p class='line'>  Of doves, both ring and turtle.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>And so Dan Cupid is no fool,</p>
<p class='line'>But he’s well versed in love and rule,</p>
<p class='line'>Although he never went to school</p>
<p class='line'>  And never went to college.</p>
<p class='line'>He’s blind, and yet the rogue can see</p>
<p class='line'>A thousand times as well as we;</p>
<p class='line'>And that’s how Cupid comes to be</p>
<p class='line'>  A Paragon of Knowledge.</p>
</div></div> <!-- end rend -->
<div><span class='pageno' title='84' id='Page_84'></span><h1>POLITICAL NOTES</h1></div>
<p class='pindent'>Arcady is an Absolute Monarchy. It is
under Home Rule, and Home is where the
Heart is.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Each citizen is a King or Queen, and rules
one subject.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Any Monarch may be deposed suddenly and
supplanted by another. Beside being a Monarch
each citizen is a slave, and thus the balance
of power is preserved.</p>
<p class='pindent'>The Declaration of Dependence is signed by
all good Arcadians.</p>
<div><h1 class='nobreak'><a id='laws'></a>ARCADIAN LAWS</h1></div>
<p class='pindent'>Be sure you’re right then lose your head.
A fool and his money are soon married.
A little debutante is a dangerous thing.
Proposals make cowards of us all.
There’s no fool like a bold fool.
The longest way round is the sweetest way home.
One good kiss deserves another.
’Tis love that makes the man come round.
Kisses speak louder than words.
People who live in glass houses shouldn’t hold hands.
The woman who deliberates is won.
Where there’s a will there’s a wedding.</p>
<div><span class='pageno' title='85' id='Page_85'></span><h1>COSTUMES</h1></div>
<p class='pindent'>There is a tradition of Arcadian simplicity in
dress, but it is not always observed. The men,
unless Poets, are often most careful dressers,
and the women deck themselves in whatever
garb they deem most attractive to men.</p>
<p class='pindent'>White muslin with blue ribbons is a popular
costume, and “some sort of white, shimmering
stuff” is much used for gowns.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Some women are clever enough to please the
men by wearing all black or all white, and the
hats are invariably large black ones or broad-leafed,
rose-decked straws.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Sunshades, fans, floating scarfs, and many
coy adjuncts or fripperies of dress are seen,
and flowers are much worn or carried.</p>
<div><span class='pageno' title='86' id='Page_86'></span><h1><a id='then'></a>THEN AND NOW</h1></div>
<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'>Oh, would I had lived in Arcadian days,</p>
<p class='line'>When maidens had not such extravagant ways,</p>
<p class='line'>          When Daphne and Doris</p>
<p class='line'>          And Chloe and Chloris</p>
<p class='line'>Would laugh with delight o’er a ribbon of blue</p>
<p class='line'>Or a glittering buckle to wear on a shoe.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>But the girl of today cares nothing at all</p>
<p class='line'>For a trivial gift that is simple or small;</p>
<p class='line'>          And Ethel and Bessie</p>
<p class='line'>          And Gertrude and Jessie</p>
<p class='line'>Will only approve of the presents I’ve brought</p>
<p class='line'>If I spend (and I <span class='it'>shall</span>!) ten times more than I ought.</p>
</div></div> <!-- end rend -->
<div><span class='pageno' title='87' id='Page_87'></span><h1>WALKS</h1></div>
<p class='pindent'>Delightful walks abound in Arcady and
its environs.</p>
<p class='pindent'>If unaccustomed to its devious ways, it is
perhaps better to engage the services of an
experienced Guide, which may be had for a
song.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Nature Lovers enjoy the walk out on the old
Romany Road, across the Field of Four-Leafed
Clover toward the Forest of Arden.</p>
<p class='pindent'>A more Sentimental Journey is along the
Primrose Way, up Primrose Hill, and on, beyond
the Night, across the Day, thus following
the Course of True Love. Though this never
runs smooth, it is often attempted by young
Lovers, who sometimes persevere along the way
and sometimes get sidetracked.</p>
<p class='pindent'>To Friends’ Shipyard is a pleasant stroll for
an idle summer day. Here may be seen the
Sailor laddies making knots. True lover’s knots
may be bought here and carried away as
souvenirs.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Another attractive walk is along Wall Street.
A delightful wall, full of nooks and crannies
and overhung with blossoming vines, runs all
along this street. At the corner of Moonshine
Avenue is a beautiful monument representing
Pyramus and Thisbe.</p>
<hr class='tbk131'/>
<p class='pindent'>A pleasant short ramble is along Amourette
Avenue, past the Cosy Corners, to a Bower of
Roses by Bendemeer’s Stream. The stream
may be crossed by the Rustic Bridges or by the
Stepping Stones, both being equally romantic.</p>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='89' id='Page_89'></span></p>
<div class='figcenter'>
<img src='images/i099.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0021' style='width:500px;height:auto;'/>
<p class='caption'>“TRUE LOVER’S KNOTS MAY BE BOUGHT HERE”</p>
</div>
<div><span class='pageno' title='91' id='Page_91'></span><h1><a id='oldv'></a>OLD VALENTINES</h1></div>
<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'>How rapidly Time shifts the scene.</p>
<p class='line'>  Again it is St. Cupid’s day,</p>
<p class='line'>And I must send to my Rosine</p>
<p class='line'>  A gorgeous valentine bouquet.</p>
<p class='line'>  Last year I sent the same to May—</p>
<p class='line'>Heigh-ho! I’ve led a blithe career—</p>
<p class='line'>  They’d make a rather long array,</p>
<p class='line'>My valentines of yester-year.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>In years beginning with 18—</p>
<p class='line'>  I was unfettered, free, and gay</p>
<p class='line'>Each maiden seemed to me a queen,</p>
<p class='line'>  And to each one my court I’d pay.</p>
<p class='line'>  Now I’m engaged. Ah, well-away!</p>
<p class='line'>Rosina <span class='it'>is</span> a perfect dear,</p>
<p class='line'>  But I would better not display</p>
<p class='line'>My valentines of yester-year.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>No memories shall come between</p>
<p class='line'>  My love and me. And I’ll essay</p>
<p class='line'>To keep her life calm and serene,</p>
<p class='line'>  And love her when she’s old and gray:</p>
<p class='line'>  Her lightest wish I will obey,</p>
<p class='line'>But still—I hope she’ll never hear</p>
<p class='line'>  Those verses that I wrote in play,</p>
<p class='line'>My valentines of yester-year.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>          L’ENVOI</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>Cupid, my secrets ne’er betray,</p>
<p class='line'>  Let me not realize my fear;</p>
<p class='line'>And may they be destroyed, I pray,</p>
<p class='line'>  My valentines of yester-year.</p>
</div></div> <!-- end rend -->
<div><span class='pageno' title='93' id='Page_93'></span><h1>BUSINESS SECTION</h1></div>
<p class='pindent'>The Business Section of Arcady is on Wise
Acre Square, just South of Wall Street. Here
may be found the Great Heart Trust, the Unbounded
Trust Company, and the offices of
the Trust Her Not Association. These Companies
issue United States Bonds of Matrimony
upon application.</p>
<p class='pindent'>The Court of Appeals and the Supreme Court
are busy places, and in their courtyards sweethearts
may be seen courting at any time during
business hours.</p>
<p class='pindent'>They receive and negotiate Sealed Proposals
and Bids and draw up Marriage contracts.</p>
<hr class='tbk132'/>
<p class='pindent'>In the Flat Irony Building are the offices of
the Love Insurance Company, the Arcady
Ideal Estate Company, and other such organizations,
whose advertisements may be found
at the end of this volume.</p>
<div><span class='pageno' title='94' id='Page_94'></span><h1>IT HAPPENED IN ARCADY</h1></div>
<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1.5em;'><span style='font-size:smaller'>THE GREAT HEART TRUST</span></p>
<p class='noindent'><span style='float:left; clear: left; margin:0 0.1em 0 0; padding:0; line-height: 1.0em; font-size: 200%;'>“W</span>hat is the matter, Kiddums?” said
Dame Venus, as Cupid entered her
boudoir, with his blue ribbon untied
and limply dragging behind him, and his eyes
shining through big tears, like bluebirds taking
a bath.</p>
<p class='pindent'>“Mother, I’m a ruined man,” and Cupid
flung himself into his own little chair, with a
Delsarte gesture expressive of deepest dejection.</p>
<p class='pindent'>“What now, what now, my child?” gently
inquired his beautiful parent, holding her hand-mirror
a little to one side, that she might better
perceive her troubled offspring.</p>
<p class='pindent'>“Why, just this. Some of those fools of
finance have organized a Great Heart Trust.”</p>
<p class='pindent'>“Oh, Cupid, not really! Then your occupation
is indeed gone! They have taken the
very hearts out of your mouth!”</p>
<p class='pindent'>“Yes, Mother; and aside from the loss of
my business, just think how horrid it is to commercialize
it so! Why, I went to their office
to make sure the report was true, and there
they were, those horrible magnets,—or whatever
they call them,—huddled round a ticker,
and yelling out to one another such things as
these: ‘Loyal Hearts preferred. Chicago making
bold advance; sharp dealings noticed. Colorado
Springs Hearts failed to rally; feeling
weak and generally depressed; later, showed a
slight reaction. Spinsters, no demand.’ I don’t
know what it all means, I’m sure; but I see my
finish, and I may as well break my arrows and
unstring my bow.”</p>
<p class='pindent'>With a Delsarte gesture of vindictiveness
and despair, Cupid doubled up his rosy, dimpled
knee and snapped an arrow across it, throwing
the pieces on the floor. Then he began to
unstring his beautiful, curved bow.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Venus looked sympathetically at her only
son.</p>
<p class='pindent'>“Perhaps,” she began, “it isn’t as bad as you
think, dear. Perhaps,—”</p>
<p class='pindent'>“Now, isn’t that just like a woman!” exclaimed
Cupid; his round pink cheeks growing
rounder and pinker as he stormed on. “I
just guess, Mother, if you had been down to
the Heart Exchange and had heard and seen
what I did, you wouldn’t say, ‘Perhaps and
perhaps.’ Why, I strolled over to listen to two
of the magnets talking. One man said there
was a corner in the matrimonial market and
the other said he was too visionary, for that
market wasn’t at all affected by the Heart
Trust. He said it was only a question of a deal
in futures. I don’t know what they mean by
such talk as that.”</p>
<p class='pindent'>“I’m sure I don’t either, Cupid,” said Venus,
laying down her mirror; for she had begun to
realize that the question was serious and she
must give it her undivided attention, which is
a difficult matter for a real Venus. “Tell me
more, Son.”</p>
<p class='pindent'>“Well, I looked over a man’s shoulder, and
he was reading from another of those ticker
things. He was a horrid man, not the kind I
like to deal with, at all. He read things like
this: ‘Summer Girls. Sensational Advances.
No Reserve. Public Wary. Actresses not well
supported, but best of financial backing; good
figures.’”</p>
<p class='pindent'>“But, Cupid, dearie, you’re not interested in
hearts like those, I hope.”</p>
<p class='pindent'>“Now, Mother, you know perfectly well that
a man in my business position is obliged to deal
in all sorts of hearts. And I’ve always had
a monopoly of the market. Now the Great
Heart Trust has spoiled my trade entirely.”
He broke another arrow across his knee and his
quiver seemed to have transferred itself to his
rosy lips.</p>
<p class='pindent'>“But, Son,” began Venus, hopefully,
“doesn’t this affect city hearts only? Can’t
you go to the country, and in the flowery fields
and lovers’ lanes find all the business you can
attend to?”</p>
<p class='pindent'>“No, Mother,” and the curly head drooped
like a dandelion at midday. “This Great
Heart Trust is universal. I stole a look at one
of their papers this morning, and one column
was headed ‘Rural Reports.’ Then it said:
‘Country depressed, dull; moving slowly. Domestic
Products quiet and well-behaved; in
great demand. Southern peach crop very fine;
quickly snapped up.’ I can’t understand all
their queer terms, but I suppose I shall have
to learn them.”</p>
<p class='pindent'>“Yes, Cupid, do that. Meet them on their
own ground and fight them with their own
weapons. You know more about hearts than
they do; think of your long experience.”</p>
<p class='pindent'>“Oh, Mother! Imagine me occupying a seat
in the Heart Exchange! Why, I’d have to wear
a ticker ribbon instead of my blue sash. No,
I never could learn their language. Why, they
talk like this: ‘Coquettes’ hearts, Common
stock; a declining movement shows a hardening
tendency, but the stock is unsteady, with exciting
effects.’ And not only our own people are
concerned, but they quote prices on Foreign
Hearts, and, Mother, the rates are almost prohibitive.
Then one report said, ‘Fiancées’
Hearts; do not fear local pressure!’ Now what
can such talk mean? Then it said: ‘Boston.
(See Ice Trust.)’ No, Mother, it’s no use; I
can’t understand their jargon.”</p>
<p class='pindent'>“But, Cupid, you can learn. The age is
progressive and you must keep up with it.
You know yourself that for some time your
methods of dealing in hearts have been considered
old-fashioned. Now you must try more
up-to-date ways.”</p>
<p class='pindent'>“But, Mother, some reports are so sad.
Their paper said today that there were many
heart failures reported. Why, one heart broke
at sixty—during a period of depression! And
then they quoted ‘Hearts Bowed Down.’ That
seemed to be a falling market, with heavy sales.
Several hearts were lost or stolen, and altogether
it made me feel panic-stricken. And what do
you think, they quoted ‘Husbands’ as inclined
to firmness, but showing bearish indications!
No, it’s all out of my line. I know my business,
I’ve practised it many, many years, and
I’m too old to learn new tricks.”</p>
<p class='pindent'>Venus looked at her son in much the same way
that any mother looks at her child when she
knows she can help him out of his difficulty.</p>
<p class='pindent'>“You dear, silly child,” she said, “you’re
needlessly alarmed. Every trust must have
its day, but they all fail sooner or later. Bide
your time, and after a while you’ll find that the
trust is all over, and you can carry on the game
in your own sweet way. I have heard of some
kind of a queer machine,—I think it’s called
a ‘trust buster,’—invented just on purpose to
break up these trusts. I’ll get you one. Now
kiss me and run away and play.”</p>
<p class='pindent'>Venus picked up her mirror again and sat
gazing at her beautiful nose in rapt admiration
of that classic member.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Cupid cheered up considerably. “Mother,
you’re a blessing,” he said, as he kissed the tip
of her ear. “But,” he added, as he ran away to
chase butterflies, “after this trust-buster thing
has done its smashing, <span class='it'>won’t</span> I have a time mending
all the broken hearts!”</p>
<div><span class='pageno' title='101' id='Page_101'></span><h1>CALAMITOUS CATASTROPHE</h1></div>
<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:1em;'>DIRE DESTRUCTION AND DEPLORABLE DISASTER</p>
<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:1em;'>DESOLATION AND DEVASTATION CAUSED BY AN APPALLING AIRQUAKE</p>
<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:1em;'>THOUSANDS OF CASTLES IN THE AIR OVERTHROWN AND DEMOLISHED</p>
<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:1.5em;'>(<span class='it'>From our own correspondent</span>)</p>
<p class='noindent'><span style='float:left; clear: left; margin:0 0.1em 0 0; padding:0; line-height: 1.0em; font-size: 200%;'>A</span>RCADY: A terrible airquake has
wrought havoc in the densely populated
atmosphere above this locality.
Without a word of warning, noble and beautiful
castles in the air went toppling to their ruin.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Though difficult to get details in these first
hours of confusion and distress, it is known
that the sumptuous air castle built by Claude
Melnotte for the Lady of Lyons is entirely demolished.
The devastated area is widespread, and
from the most magnificent dream of marble halls
to the humblest vision of love in a cottage, all
of the <span class='it'>Chateaux en Espagne</span> have fallen. It is
feared that many loves have been lost in the
ruins. Even now the agents of the Love Insurance
Company are on the spot estimating the
casualties. Many of the survivors declare they
will rebuild at the earliest possible moment.
Indeed, it may safely be predicted that new and
more elaborate and beautiful castles in the air
will soon take the place of the old ones. Among
the débris of ruined hopes and shattered ideals,
pathetic sights may be seen. Here a broken
resolution sticks up through the mass of fragments,
there a broken promise; and everywhere
are fallen idols and upset plans. The explorer
is menaced by pits of boiling imagination and
fine frenzies rolling. But relief supplies are
already being received. A ship, with Youth
at the helm and Pleasure at the prow, has just
come into the harbor, bringing a cargo of fresh
hopes and such stuff as dreams are made of.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Owing to the prevalence of mirage it is difficult
to give definite statistics; but the pot of
gold at the end of the rainbow is still visible,
and the sanguine, light-hearted people have
already begun to rear anew their castles in
the air.</p>
<p class='line' style='text-align:right;margin-right:2em;margin-top:1em;'><span class='it'>From the Arcadian News</span></p>
<div><span class='pageno' title='103' id='Page_103'></span><h1>ADVERTISEMENTS</h1></div>
<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:1em;font-size:1.1em;'>PERSONALLY CONDUCTED HONEYMOON TOURS</p>
<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:1em;'><span style='font-size:smaller'>BILLINGS & COO, PROPRIETORS</span></p>
<p class='pindent'>Why trouble yourself with the details of
traveling and its paraphernalia, at a time when
your heart, mind, and soul are all absorbed in
other matters?</p>
<p class='pindent'>Why descend to the sordid buying of tickets
and checking of luggage, when your spirit is
soaring in realms of Empyrean bliss?</p>
<p class='pindent'>Why puzzle over the baffling intricacies of a
time-table, when you can be looking into the
lustrous orbs of your Bride?</p>
<p class='pindent'>Why suffer the irritating Emergencies of
Travel, when your way may be made a path of
Roses by embarking on one of our Personally
Conducted Wedding Trips?</p>
<p class='pindent'>All Routes to suit all Temperaments!</p>
<p class='pindent'>The Totally Oblivious are piloted safely
through a hackneyed and uneventful Trip.</p>
<p class='pindent'>The Fearfully Embarrassed are shielded and
screened from unpleasant observation.</p>
<p class='pindent'>The Ostentatiously Happy are paraded in
public and brought into delightful prominence
on trains and in hotels.</p>
<p class='pindent'>The Blissfully Enraptured are conducted to
Sentimental Spots and on Romantic Rambles.</p>
<p class='pindent'>One of D. Cupid’s Own Guides, in Blue Ribbon
Uniform, takes entire charge of each Happy
Couple and attends to all details of the Trip.
At the request of the Bride he will write letters
home to her mother from every stopping-place
or will, at the order of the Bridegroom, extend
his Letters of Credit or telegraph his bank for
more funds.</p>
<p class='pindent'>These Tours are entirely <span class='it'>de luxe</span>. The routes
are strewn with roses all the way. Sunshiny
and balmy weather guaranteed. Not one bored
moment, or Money Refunded.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Write at once for Prospectus.</p>
<p class='line' style='text-align:right;margin-right:10em;margin-bottom:0.5em;'><span class='sc'>Billings & Coo</span></p>
<p class='line' style='text-align:right;margin-right:7em;'><span class='sc'>The Bridal Path</span></p>
<p class='line' style='text-align:right;margin-right:2em;'><span class='sc'>Orange Blossom Park</span></p>
<hr class='tbk133'/>
<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:1em;font-size:1.1em;'>MUTUAL-BENEFIT LOVE-INSURANCE COMPANY</p>
<p class='pindent'>Lovers, Attention! Is your love insured?
Other loves are dead; your love may die. You
insure your life, your house, your barns. Why
not insure your love?</p>
<p class='pindent'>This company is incorporated under the laws
of the United States, and its affairs are conducted
by a board of directors, including some
of our best known poets and novelists, and it
is approved in all respects by the board of underpaid
writers.</p>
<p class='pindent'><span class='sc'>Membership</span>: Any lover between the ages of
eighteen and seventy, of sound body and (otherwise)
sound mind, in good health (excepting
such maladies as are traceable to the fact of
his or her being in love) and of temperate habits,
whose occupation comes within certain classifications
hereinafter specified, shall be eligible
to membership.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Policies are issued only upon healthy, honest
loves subscribed and sworn to by both parties
interested therein, and guaranteed to be not
like other loves.</p>
<p class='pindent'><span class='sc'>Prohibited Risks</span>: Citizens of Chicago, members
of the theatrical profession, students of
co-educational colleges, naval heroes, and summer
girls are not eligible to membership, and
their applications will not be considered by this
company.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Applicants must answer truthfully and without
evasion the following questions:</p>
<p class='pindent'>State name, including all nicknames or pet
names used during the love to be insured.</p>
<p class='pindent'>How long have you been in love?</p>
<p class='pindent'>Was it love at first sight?</p>
<p class='pindent'>Are you (1) handsome, (2) good-looking, or
(3) plain?</p>
<p class='pindent'>Are you susceptible to flattery?</p>
<p class='pindent'>Are you of a jealous disposition?</p>
<p class='pindent'>Have you ever had Heart-disease? Palpitation?
Melancholia? Lover-complaint? Blues?
Heart-failure?</p>
<p class='pindent'>What is your occupation? (Specify this
definitely. If a business man, state if lady
typewriters are employed, and if so, how many
and of what appearance. Append photographs
if possible.)</p>
<p class='pindent'>Where do you spend your vacations?</p>
<p class='pindent'>Are there widows there?</p>
<p class='pindent'>Any applicant answering these questions satisfactorily
is entitled to a policy in our company
that shall provide indemnity for the death of a
love which, though it may now seem deathless,
is often subject to mortal injury in this
uncertain life of ours.</p>
<p class='line' style='text-align:right;margin-right:10em;margin-bottom:0.5em;'><span class='sc'>Dan Cupid</span>, <span class='it'>Agent</span></p>
<p class='line' style='text-align:right;margin-right:5em;margin-bottom:0.5em;'><span class='sc'>No. 7 Primrose Path</span></p>
<hr class='tbk134'/>
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='107' id='Page_107'></span></p>
<div class='figcenter'>
<img src='images/i117.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0022' style='width:425px;height:auto;'/>
<p class='caption'>“THE BLISSFULLY ENRAPTURED ARE CONDUCTED TO SENTIMENTAL SPOTS”</p>
</div>
<hr class='tbk135'/>
<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:1em;font-size:1.1em;'>AIR CASTLES UP TO DATE</p>
<div class='lgc' style=''> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'>All the Modern Improvements</p>
<p class='line'>Spanish Building and Loan Association</p>
<p class='line'>Home is where the heart is!</p>
<p class='line'>Own your own home!</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>Why live in a mundane flat when you can have</p>
<p class='line'>a Castle in the Air?</p>
</div> <!-- end rend -->
<div class='lgc' style=''> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'>At a small outlay you may secure a beautiful</p>
<p class='line'>site and a large and commodious dwelling</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>All styles to suit all tastes!</p>
</div> <!-- end rend -->
<div class='lgc' style=''> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'>Love-in-a-Cottage Type. Rose-embowered Porch</p>
<p class='line'>Dimity-curtained Windows. Dream of</p>
<p class='line'>Marble Halls</p>
<p class='line'>Specially selected Vassals and Serfs. Ruined</p>
<p class='line'>Castle Effects</p>
<p class='line'>Ivy-hung Turrets. Secret Staircase to Tower</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'><span class='it'>Write for circulars and Prospectus</span></p>
</div> <!-- end rend -->
<div class='lgc' style=''> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'>! ! ! A Few desirable plots for Sale on</p>
<p class='line'>Lover’s Lane! ! !</p>
</div> <!-- end rend -->
<hr class='tbk136'/>
<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:1em;font-size:1.1em;'><span class='it'>La Romanza!</span></p>
<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:1em;'>The magnificent apartment house, corner Arden Avenue and Paradise Alley</p>
<p class='pindent'>This apartment air castle is built and finished
with a careful attention to detail, which
combines Eighteenth-century Romance with
Nineteenth-century convenience. Among its
advantages over older air castles are:</p>
<p class='pindent'>Express Elevator to Seventh Heaven</p>
<p class='pindent'>Trolley Line to Arcady</p>
<p class='pindent'>Dream Interpreter Call and United States
Valentine Chute on every floor</p>
<p class='pindent'>Lighted by an Automatic Electric Moon</p>
<p class='pindent'>Surrounded by sturdy oaks and clinging
vines.</p>
<p class='pindent'>Owing to the recent depreciations in Ideal
Estate you may be interested in</p>
<div class='lgc' style=''> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'><span class='it'>La Romanza</span>!!!</p>
<p class='line'><span class='it'>Write for particulars and terms to</span></p>
</div> <!-- end rend -->
<p class='line' style='text-align:right;margin-right:11em;margin-bottom:0.5em;'><span class='sc'>Dan Cupid</span></p>
<p class='line' style='text-align:right;margin-right:5em;margin-bottom:0.5em;'><span class='it'>Ideal Estate Agent</span></p>
<p class='line' style='text-align:right;margin-right:2em;margin-bottom:0.5em;'><span class='sc'>No. 7 Primrose Path</span></p>
<hr class='tbk137'/>
<h2><span class='pageno' title='113' id='Page_113'></span><a id='advert'></a>ADVERTISEMENT</h2>
<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' -->
<p class='line'>There’s a new heart awaiting a tenant,</p>
<p class='line'>  To whom shall its portals unclose?</p>
<p class='line'>Dan Cupid is floating his pennant</p>
<p class='line'>  At The Sign of the Lily and Rose.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>This heart is not offered for selling,</p>
<p class='line'>  The owner all freely bestows</p>
<p class='line'>A hostelry fit for Love’s dwelling,</p>
<p class='line'>  At The Sign of the Lily and Rose.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>There’s a happy smile caught in her dimple,</p>
<p class='line'>  That only a debutante shows;</p>
<p class='line'>And chatter is guileless and simple</p>
<p class='line'>  At the Sign of the Lily and Rose.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>She’s pleased with the veriest trifles,</p>
<p class='line'>  No artful bewitchment she knows;</p>
<p class='line'>But Cupid a sigh or two stifles</p>
<p class='line'>  At The Sign of the Lily and Rose.</p>
<p class='line'> </p>
<p class='line'>And, indeed, the poor fellow has reason</p>
<p class='line'>  As he thinks of the long string of beaux</p>
<p class='line'>Who’ll successively stop for a season</p>
<p class='line'>  At The Sign of the Lily and Rose.</p>
</div></div> <!-- end rend -->
<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='114' id='Page_114'></span></p>
<div class='figcenter'>
<img src='images/i124.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0023' style='width:375px;height:auto;'/>
<p class='caption'>LOVE PROOF WINDOW SCREENS</p>
</div>
<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:1em;'>ADVERTISEMENT</p>
<p class='pindent'>Love-Proof Window Screens fill a long-felt want.
Easily adjusted. Non-penetrable. With these
screens in place, Love cannot fly out of the
window when Poverty comes in at the Door.</p>
<p class='line' style='text-align:right;margin-right:8em;margin-bottom:0.5em;'><span class='sc'>Truelove & Co.</span></p>
<p class='line' style='text-align:right;margin-right:8em;margin-bottom:0.5em;'><span class='it'>Sole Agents</span></p>
<p class='line' style='text-align:right;margin-right:2em;margin-bottom:0.5em;'><span class='sc'>77 Marrion Street</span></p>
<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-top:1.5em;margin-bottom:1em;'>ADVERTISEMENT</p>
<p class='pindent'><span class='sc'>Doctor Iris.</span> Diagnostician for all blindness
or eye troubles caused by Love. 24 C
Street.</p>
<div class='figcenter'>
<img src='images/i126.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0024' style='width:550px;height:auto;'/>
</div>
<p class='pindent'><a id='endp'></a></p>
<div class='figcenter'>
<a href='images/endpaperf.jpg'><img src='images/endpaper.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0025' style='width:500px;height:auto;'/></a>
<p class='caption'>MAP OF <span class='it'>THE TOWN OF</span> <span style='font-size:larger'>ARCADY</span> <span class='it'>Surveyed by George Hood</span></p>
</div>
<hr class='tbk138'/>
<p class='line' style='margin-top:2em;font-size:1.1em;'><span class='bold'>Transcriber’s Notes:</span></p>
<p class='noindent'>Punctuation and type-setting errors have been corrected without note.
Hyphenation and archaic spellings have been retained as in the original.</p>
<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 51189 ***</div>
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