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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..dc1329d --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #51189 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/51189) diff --git a/old/51189-0.txt b/old/51189-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 0f0e8af..0000000 --- a/old/51189-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,2657 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Lover's Baedeker and Guide to Arcady, by -Carolyn Wells - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: The Lover's Baedeker and Guide to Arcady - -Author: Carolyn Wells - -Illustrator: A.D. Blashfield - George W. Hood - -Release Date: February 12, 2016 [EBook #51189] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOVER'S BAEDEKER, GUIDE TO ARCADY *** - - - - -Produced by Mardi Desjardins & the online Distributed -Proofreaders Canada team (http://www.pgdpcanada.net) from -page images generously made available by the HathiTrust -Digital Library (https://www.hathitrust.org/digital_library) -and Google Books. - - - - - -[Illustration: “THE POST-OFFICE IS IN THE HEART OF AN OLD HOLLOW OAK -TREE”] - - * * * * * - - THE LOVER’S BAEDEKER - AND - GUIDE TO ARCADY - - - BY - CAROLYN WELLS - - WITH TWENTY ILLUSTRATIONS AND A COVER - BY A. D. BLASHFIELD AND MAPS BY - GEORGE W. HOOD - -[Illustration] - - NEW YORK - FREDERICK A. STOKES COMPANY - PUBLISHERS - - - - - _Copyright_, 1912, _by_ - FREDERICK A. STOKES COMPANY - - * * * * * - - _All rights reserved, including that of translation into foreign_ - _languages, including the Scandinavian_ - -_September, 1912_ - - THE•PLIMPTON•PRESS - [W•D•O] - NORWOOD•MASS•U•S•A - - * * * * * - - THIS GUIDE BOOK - IS DEDICATED - TO ANNA WAITT - A TOURIST - - * * * * * - - CONTENTS - - ARCADY AND ITS ENVIRONS: PAGE - Preliminary Information 1 - - TOPOGRAPHY 4 - - ROUTES 4 - - ROADS OUT OF ARCADY 8 - - SEASON 11 - - CLIMATE 11 - - TIME 11 - _Time’s Valentine_ 15 - - CALENDAR 19 - _The Lay of Lothario Lee_ 21 - - MONEY 24 - - CUSTOM HOUSE 24 - _Cupid’s Failure_ 28 - - HISTORY 29 - _An Arcady Girl_ 31 - _Under a New Charter_ 32 - - ARCADIA 34 - _An Arcadian Lady_ 38 - - ARCADY: - Preliminary Ramble 39 - - FLORA 41 - - THE ARCADIAN LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS 43 - - HOTELS 44 - - RESTAURANTS 45 - - SWEET SHOPS 46 - _Heard in Arcady_ 47 - _Dithyramb by an Arcadian Poet_ 49 - - CONVEYANCES 50 - - SHOPS 54 - _Cupid’s Sale_ 55 - _Cupid’s Bill_ 57 - - INSTITUTIONS AND PUBLIC BUILDINGS: - Places of Interest 58 - Post-Office 58 - The Heart Exchange 61 - _The Intercepted Valentine_ 62 - Banks 62 - The Hospital 62 - The Weather Bureau 65 - The Campo Santo 65 - The Hall of Fame 66 - _Ballade of Arcady_ 67 - - AMUSEMENTS 68 - _The Old Story_ 75 - - LANGUAGE 75 - - SOME ARCADIAN BROMIDIOMS 76 - - EXERCISE FOR THE LANGUAGE STUDENT: - _A Very Pretty Quarrel_ 77 - Degrees of Love 79 - Definitions 79 - _The Spelling Lesson_ 79 - _Love in Arcady_ 80 - _Insensibility_ 81 - _Biographical Sketch of Cupid_ 82 - - POLITICAL NOTES 84 - - ARCADIAN LAWS 84 - - COSTUMES 85 - _Then and Now_ 86 - - WALKS 87 - _Old Valentines_ 91 - - BUSINESS SECTION 93 - - IT HAPPENED IN ARCADY 94 - - CALAMITOUS CATASTROPHE 101 - - ADVERTISEMENTS 103 - _Advertisement_ 113 - - * * * * * - - LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS - -The Post Office is in the heart of an old hollow oak tree Frontispiece - - _Facing page_ -Arcadia (Map) 3 - -Across the Sea of Dreams in a Transport of Rapture 5 - -The troubled waters of the Gulf of Wo 7 - -Mountains of Opposition 8 - -A radiant Goddess beckoning to him 9 - -Many with a greed for lucre will follow the 10 - Goddess of Fortune - -’Tis love that makes the world go round 12 - -The old clock on the stairs 13 - -Sun dials and moon dials are approved as they mark the 17 - bright hours only - -Custom House 25 - -Arcady and its Environs (Map) 35 - -On the water all sorts of boats are used 51 - -Cupid’s Heartware Shop 53 - -The groves and dells are decorated with beautiful statues 59 - -Weather Bureau 63 - -The Mayday Plaisance is a large amusement 69 - -A Serenader 73 - -True lovers’ knots may be bought here 89 - -The blissfully enraptured are conducted to sentimental 107 - spots - -Love proof window screens 114 - -Map of the Town of Arcadia End-leaves - - * * * * * - - THE LOVER’S BAEDEKER AND - GUIDE TO ARCADY - - * * * * * - - - - - ARCADY AND ITS ENVIRONS - - - PRELIMINARY INFORMATION - -Over the hills and far away lies Arcady, the Mecca of all Lovers, and -therefore the place where Journeys End. Situated on a large tract of -enchanted ground, in the Country of Agapemone, Arcady is a beautiful and -interesting place, and should be visited by every tourist making the -Grand Tour of Life. - -Even the shortest sojourn here will yield rich rewards of interest and -pleasure, and will contribute more than long years of study to a -thorough enjoyment and comprehension of all that is best in life. - -The majority of the human race sooner or later find Arcady for -themselves, some seeking it with a steadfast purpose, others blindly -stumbling into it all unexpectedly. - -But to the traveler who would enjoy intelligently its delights, the -following hints may not come amiss. - - * * * * * - -[Illustration: _ARCADIA_] - - * * * * * - - - - - TOPOGRAPHY - - -The Province of Arcadia, whose capital is Arcady (see map No. 1), is -bounded on the North by the Land of Heart’s Desire, from which it is -separated by the Happy Valley. - -On the East it is bounded by the Gulf of Time, across which dimly may be -seen, in the distance, the Garden of Eden. - -On the West by the Mountains of Opposition, beyond which is the Gulf of -Dark Despair. - -Along the Southern Shores murmur the lapping wavelets of the Sea of -Dreams, whose wonderful phenomenon of Mirage often deceives even an -experienced traveler. - - * * * * * - -ROUTES: Travelers may approach Arcady by several routes. One of the -pleasantest is the Joy Line, by which passengers are carried across the -Sea of Dreams in Transports of Rapture. - -[Illustration: “ACROSS THE SEA OF DREAMS IN TRANSPORTS OF RAPTURE”] - -Another approach, preferred by adventurous ones in search of excitement, -is across the Seas of Misunderstanding, through the troubled waters of -the Gulf of Wo, and over the difficult and well-nigh impassable -Mountains of Opposition. However, when these mountains are safely -crossed the way is delightful and easy. - -[Illustration: “THE TROUBLED WATERS OF THE GULF OF WO”] - -ROADS OUT OF ARCADY: The Road to Fame often leads out of Arcady. An -ambitious youth, hearing a silvery trumpet note, looks up to see a -radiant Goddess beckoning to him. Unless a true Lover, he may be dazzled -by her glory and cajoled by her promises. Lured away, he follows the -fickle Fair and soon loses all interest in Arcadian delights. - -[Illustration] - -The Road to Wealth is another easy way out of Arcady. Not content with -the Pot of Gold at the End of the Rainbow, many with a greed for lucre -will follow the Goddess Fortune, who is even more false and fickle than -the Goddess Fame. - -[Illustration: “A RADIANT GODDESS BECKONING TO HIM”] - -Also there is the Downward Path, which leads from the State of Matrimony -to the Great Divide. Crossing this, the unfortunate traveler returns to -the State of Single Blessedness. - -[Illustration: “MANY WITH A GREED FOR LUCRE WILL FOLLOW THE GODDESS -FORTUNE”] - -SEASON: Arcady is an all-the-year-round resort, and most of the -districts described may be visited at any season of the year. Spring and -Early Summer are perhaps best for an initial visit. - -June is an especially desirable time for young lovers to be in Arcady, -but Lovelorn Swains and Minor Poets frequently choose the melancholy -days of Autumn. - - * * * * * - -CLIMATE: The Climatic conditions of Arcady are peculiar. Though usually -the weather is balmy and pleasant, sometimes a sudden coolness springs -up and a frost is often distinctly felt. A stormy time may ensue, and -then suddenly the clouds clear away and all is sunshine once more. - - * * * * * - -TIME: Time in Arcady is entirely a matter of opinion. To a waiting Lover -the minutes are hours and lag slowly along, while to happy hearts a -golden day flies by as if on wings. - -It is said that Love makes Time pass away, and Time makes Love pass -away; but the latter statement is obviously an error, for after Love has -made Time pass away, how can Time do anything to Love? - -However, ’tis Love that makes the world go round, and this explains why -Love makes Time pass so rapidly. - -[Illustration: “’TIS LOVE THAT MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND”] - -[Illustration: THE OLD CLOCK ON THE STAIRS] - - “FOREVER ——— NEVER - NEVER ———FOREVER” - -Watches are of little use in Arcady, as the Lovers deem them always too -slow or too fast, and usually forget to wind them, anyway. The town -timepiece is the Old Clock on the Stairs, whose refrain is: - - _Forever—Never—_ - _Never—Forever—_ - -Forever and Never are the units of time most employed by Arcadians, and -their meanings are synonymous. - -Time when Lovers are separated is measured by ages; when together, it is -not measured at all, as then the hours unheeded fly, or speed on winged -feet. - -Sun dials and Moon dials are approved, as they mark the bright hours -only. - - - - - TIME’S VALENTINE - - - ’Twas St. Valentine’s Day, and Father Time - Said, “I think I’ll scribble a bit o’ rhyme, - To send to the sweetest maid on earth.” - And the old fellow chuckled in roguish mirth. - He reached for his inkhorn and quill, then said, - As he absently nodded his wise old head, - “But what maiden is gentle and sweet and fine - Enough to be my Valentine? - There’s a musical girl in Kalamazoo,— - But I hear she beats Time, so she won’t do; - There’s a fair New York girl, proud and calm, - But they say she kills Time without a qualm! - A pretty clubwoman I saw one day, - But ‘I won’t have Time,’ I heard her say. - For one of those summer girls I yearn; - But they declare they ‘have Time to burn.’ - There are lovely girls in a Southern clime, - But they sweetly admit that they waste Time, - While the bustling woman, with manners curt, - Takes Time by the forelock, and that does hurt. - On the Boston maiden I make no claim, - To improve Time seems to be her aim. - And I heard an old spinster contriving a plan - Say, ‘I’ll try to get Time as soon as I can.’ - So none of these whom I’ve mentioned yet - A Valentine from Time shall get. - But I’ve in mind a maiden who, - When a fond lover came to woo, - Just blushed and hung down her pretty head, - And ‘Give me Time!’ was all she said. - By Cupid, that’s the maid for me! - To her my Valentine shall be.” - -[Illustration: “SUN DIALS AND MOON DIALS ARE APPROVED, AS THEY MARK THE -BRIGHT HOURS ONLY”] - - * * * * * - -CALENDAR: The Arcadian Calendar is entirely made up of Red-Letter Days. - -In the Spring the Young Man’s Fancy follows the vernal tradition. - -The Summer is entirely given over to the Summer Girl’s flirtations. - -In the Autumn a delicious Melancholy is in the air and Arcadians -experience - - A feeling of sadness and longing - That is not akin to wo; - And resembles sorrow only - As a Poet resembles a Poe. - -In Winter come the Halcyon Days, and all are glad and merry and Life is -one grand, sweet song and dance. - -Many Fête Days are observed. - -Christmas receives due consideration, but St. Valentine’s Day and All -Hallowe’en are even more widely celebrated in Arcady. - -April First, or All Fools’ Day, is not specially observed, except in -Fool’s Paradise, where it is April Fools’ Day all the year round. - -Midsummer Eve and the Eve of St. Agnes are dear to Lovers, and as every -day is Somebody’s Birthday, there are celebrations continually. Mayday, -too, is a pleasant occasion, and on that day there are May-parties all -over the place, for Arcady is a Land where it is always Saturday -Afternoon. - - - - - THE LAY OF LOTHARIO LEE - - - Lothario Lee was saddened, the world seemed grim and gray; - For Lothario Lee was a lover bold, and today was St. Valentine’s Day. - - ’Twas St. Valentine’s Day, and he fain would send his heart to the fair - Florelle, - For the radiant maid had inspired in his breast a passion he could not - quell. - - But alas! for the gay Lothario, his heart was held in fee - Down at Dan Cupid’s pawnshop, at the sign of the roses three. - - Willingly would the lovelorn knight that errant heart reclaim, - But alas! the luckless Lothario hadn’t a cent to his name. - - So he sadly sat and pondered, as doleful as he could be; - When a brilliant notion struck him—“Done!” cried Lothario Lee. - - “I’ll send her the pawnshop ticket, my tale of wo ’twill tell, - For she alone can redeem my heart—the rich and rare Florelle.” - - He sent her the tell-tale ticket, he scribbled a hasty line, - Bidding her call at Dan Cupid’s shop and claim her valentine. - - And as she read the message, in the soul of the fair Florelle - A joyful thought rang merrily, like a far-away marriage bell. - - With her heart in a frantic flutter, adown the street sped she, - Till she reached Dan Cupid’s pawnshop, at the sign of the roses three. - - Cupid sat at a work-bench, mending a broken dart; - “I am Florelle,” said she, “and I come to claim Lothario’s heart. - - “Here is the ticket, Cupid; what are the ransom fees? - See, I will pay you the money; give me the heart, if you please.” - - “But I am blind,” said Cupid, “I cannot see the name; - Describe the heart you are looking for, and so make good your claim.” - - “Lothario’s heart,” said the lady, “is brave and knows no fear.” - “Alas!” said Cupid, dejectedly, “no such heart is here.” - - “His heart,” said the lady, further, “is honest, and good, and true.” - “No,” said Dan Cupid, wofully, “not one of these hearts will do.” - - “His heart to me is single, it beats for me alone.” - “Come, come,” cried Cupid, “impossible! Such hearts I’ve never known. - - “The best in my collection has been mended once or twice, - But here’s a heart that may suit you, if you’re willing to pay the - price. - - “It’s a heart that is sad and lonely, a trifle hard and cold, - It seems to be rather scarred and worn—in fact, it’s getting old. - - “It’s somewhat fickle and jealous, a bit impatient, too; - And it’s branded with several maidens’ names—Coralie, Rose, and Loo.” - - “Why, that’s the very heart I want,” said the lady, “give it to me; - That’s the one I’ve been describing to you, the heart of Lothario Lee.” - - As she left the shop in triumph, said Cupid, “I seem to find - Each day a more convincing fact to prove that Love is blind.” - - * * * * * - -MONEY: Money is of little use in Arcady. Those who are rich spend their -money lavishly, but the poor get along just as well, and often better. - -The principal coins of the Realm are the Lucky Penny and the Last Red -Cent. - -Credit can always be had at the Arcadian Shops, and is extended as often -as desired. - - * * * * * - -CUSTOM HOUSE: Hearts, especially if inflammable, are dutiable articles, -and should be declared as such. - -Worn on the sleeve, they are easily examined by the Inspector, though a -dishonest smuggler has sometimes gone ashore with his heart in his -boots. - -Hearts are appraised by weight, so heavy hearts should be avoided and -light hearts should be carried whenever possible. - -Broken hearts are not dutiable, unless they have been repaired and are -quite as good as new. - -[Illustration: CUSTOM HOUSE - “PASSIONS SHOULD ALWAYS BE DECLARED”] - -Stolen hearts may be confiscated by the Customs Inspectors and returned -to their original owners. Stony hearts are exempt. - -Passions should always be declared. - -Keepsakes and souvenirs are not dutiable and need not be shown. - - - - - CUPID’S FAILURE - - - Cupid, one day, in idle quest, - Fitted a dainty dart - And aimed it at Priscilla’s breast, - To strike Priscilla’s heart. - - Clean through it went, no heart was there; - Said Cupid, “I believe - Priscilla’s just the girl to wear - Her heart upon her sleeve.” - - But there, alack! it was not found; - “Aha!” cried Cupid, “note - Her frightened air; now I’ll be bound - Her heart is in her throat.” - - Failure again. On slender chance - He one more arrow shoots; - Assuming from her downcast glance, - Her heart is in her boots. - - Foiled, Cupid threw aside his bow; - “She has no heart,” said he. - (He did not know that long ago - She gave her heart to me.) - - - - - HISTORY - - -The early history of Arcady is lost in the mists of ancient tradition. -Looking backward through the reversed Opera Glass of Time, we see that -it was originally settled by Adam and Eve. Since then it has been -peopled by lovers of every age, sex, and condition of servitude. - -These people are usually gentle and mild-mannered, though occasionally -given to angry or quarrelsome outbreaks caused by jealousy or -misunderstanding. These outbreaks, however, are indulged in mostly for -the pleasure of kissing and making up afterward, and forgiveness is one -of their chief characteristics. - -The Arcadians are not gregarious, but go about in couples, or sit -solitary and alone, wrapt in rapt thought. - -The male population is divided into Lovers, Poets, and Lunatics. There -are various types of Lovers—those that sigh like a furnace, those that -are pale and wan, and Swains. - -Swains are usually Rustic or Lovelorn. - -Feminine Arcadians are called Queens, Goddesses, Angels, and other -titles of incredible foolishness. - -In physical appearance dwellers in Arcady are beautiful beyond all -words. The women have eyes as stars of twilight fair, faces with gardens -in, lily hands, amber-dropping hair, and feet like little mice. - -The men are handsome as Apollos; of heroic size and Chesterfieldian -manners. - -The above-mentioned qualities, though not always apparent to the -disinterested observer, are realized and insisted upon by the Lovers -themselves. - -Oftenest the Citizens of Arcady are transients and come and go as -circumstances decree, but in some rare instances a happy pair spend -their whole life in Arcady, or wander through the Happy Valley and make -their home in the Land of Heart’s Desire. - - - - - AN ARCADY GIRL - - - His gold beams a-spinning, I asked of the sun - If he ever had any to spare; - “Only once,” he replied, “too many I spun, - And I gave them to Peggy for hair.” - - I asked of the sky if his stars were all right, - Or if he had over-supplies; - He said, “I had two which were rather too bright, - So I gave them to Peggy for eyes.” - - I asked of some fays who were cutting out flowers - If they had any remnants or snips; - They said: “We had scraps of these poppies of ours, - But we gave them to Peggy for lips.” - - I said to the rain, “What becomes of the drops - That you may not have used when it clears?” - He said, “If there are any left when it stops, - I’ll give them to Peggy for tears.” - - I artfully coaxed him to spill them all out, - And scatter them over the miles, - And that is the reason, I haven’t a doubt, - That Peg’s always dimpling with smiles. - - - - - UNDER A NEW CHARTER - - - Hello! Come in! I called you, Cupid, - To take this box. Handle with care! - Look out! don’t be so careless, Stupid; - I’d have you know my heart’s in there. - - Take it at once, boy, to Miss Kitty, - And say it is a valentine. - How happy she’ll look, and how pretty, - When she discovers it is mine! - - Tell her for her my heart is yearning, - And then, unless my judgment errs, - By the same messenger returning - I rather think she’ll send me hers. - - What, Cupid, are you back already? - And bringing me Miss Kitty’s heart? - Open it quickly! Stay, be steady! - What’s this? A neatly printed chart! - - “No spaces left at my disposal— - Possibly some vacated soon; - But I have filed your kind proposal. - Come up and call some afternoon.” - - And here her heart is designated— - What seas of dreams! what flowery isles! - The boundaries all distinctly stated, - And measured by a scale of smiles. - - A large tract’s given to her poodle; - A smaller one contains her cat; - Here is the claim of Lord Fitznoodle; - Here her expensive picture-hat. - - Here I observe her mother’s quarters; - This large compartment is her dad’s; - Here Revolutionary Daughters, - And here her clubs and freaks and fads. - - Here is enshrined her baby cousin, - And here that Count with whom she flirts; - Here are male tenants by the dozen - (They’re only friends, so she asserts). - - This corner’s occupied by Irving, - This by her pearl and turquoise pin; - Although I know I am deserving, - I don’t see how I can get in. - - - - - ARCADIA - - -The province of Arcadia proper, the country between the Sea of Dreams -and the Land of Heart’s Desire (see map No. 2), is a large district with -well-defined boundaries. - -The natural scenery is delightful, being chiefly made up of flowery -meads and sylvan dells threaded by murmuring or babbling brooks. - -The River Lethe flows through the country, at one point dashing over a -precipice in a great Cataract. This is known as Lover’s Leap and is, at -times, the scene of fearful tragedies. - -Despairing Swains threaten to end their lives by dashing into the -seething waters, unless their capricious sweethearts will smile on them. - -As the sweethearts usually smile, death rarely, if ever, ensues. - -Near the middle of the Country of Arcadia is its capital, the town of -Arcady, which is described elsewhere. - -Toward the Northwest lies Lotus Land, the land where it is always -afternoon, where the charmed sunset lingers low adown in the red West. - -[Illustration: LAND OF HEARTS DESIRE—ARCADY and its Environs] - -The inhabitants are the mild-eyed, melancholy Lotus-Eaters, whose cult -is Indolence set to Music. - -The mossy banks of Lotus Land slope down to the River Lethe, and propt -on beds of amaranth and moly the Lotus-Eaters delight to watch the long -bright river drawing slowly and hear the dewy echoes calling and watch -the emerald color’d water falling, and things like that. - -Across the river from Lotus Land lies the Garden of the Hesperides. -These enterprising maidens do a brisk trade in Golden Apples, but this -district must not be confounded with the Garden of Eden, as they are not -the same. - -Going southward, following the shores of the Gulf of Time, we come to -the Land of Yesterday—and further South to Never Never Land. These are -beautiful and attractive spots much sought by Lovers of retrospective -and imaginative tendencies. - -On the West side of the river, just South of Lotus Land, lies -Wanderland, and nearby are the Elysian Fields. These districts are -usually thronged with Lovers sauntering about in pairs, each couple -being entirely oblivious of all the others. - -Further South we come to Dangerous Ground, which slopes down to Lover’s -Leap. Near here is Fool’s Paradise. This is a popular spot and often -most delicious adventures may be met here. The dwellers in Fool’s -Paradise are absurdly happy, and sometimes climb a small eminence in the -center of the place, known as the Height of Folly. - -To the West is a range of Blue Mountains. The despairing swain often -climbs these, but when he reaches Mount Hope the world looks brighter -and he soon gets back to the Happy Valley. - - - - - AN ARCADIAN LADY - - - MY LADY OF DELIGHT - - With roguish glances bright, - All on a summer’s day, - My Lady of Delight - She stole my heart away. - And though I humbly beg - And plead with her, alack! - My Lady of Delight - She will not give it back. - - Oh, Lady of Delight, - The penalty is this— - If you would keep the heart you stole - Then pay me with a kiss. - - My Lady of Delight, - She is a winsome thing; - She’s Queen of Summertime - And Princess of the Spring. - The glory of her smile, - The sunshine in her eyes, - Is like the dawn of breaking day - Across the morning skies. - - To linger by her side - Is such delicious bliss, - Methinks I’ll steal her heart from her, - And pay her with a kiss. - - - - - ARCADY - - -Arcady, the capital and chief city of the province of Arcadia, is a -thickly settled town, with delightful outlying districts and suburban -surroundings. - - * * * * * - -PRELIMINARY RAMBLE: The stranger visiting Arcady for the first time -cannot do better than to begin by a walk down Lovers’ Lane, where he -must surely be impressed by the shady trees and luxuriantly blooming -flowers. Although sometimes flooded with morning sunshine, it is usually -evening in Arcady. The moon shines always, sometimes a Honeymoon glows -brightly, and there are generally stars, or perhaps a tender twilight -with a fading sunset. On each side of the lane are the small houses of -the Love-in-a-Cottage Colony. These cottages are rose-embowered and have -white dimity curtains tied with blue ribbons. Crossing Lovers’ Lane at -right angles is Primrose Path, the fashionable street of Arcady. The -dwellings here are air castles (mostly of Spanish architecture) and -dreams of marble halls. One of the most celebrated mansions is Claude -Melnotte’s: - - A palace lifting to eternal summer - Its marble walls, from out a glossy bower - Of coolest foliage musical with birds, - . . . while the perfumed light - Stole through the mists of alabaster lamps, - And every air was heavy with the sighs - Of orange groves and music from sweet lutes, - And murmurs of low fountains that gush forth - I’ the midst of roses! - -Farther on a shaft of moonlight falls on Juliet’s balcony, and beyond -rise the towers and turrets of the Castle of La Joyeuse Garde. Primrose -Path leads to Fool’s Paradise, but turning off to the West the traveler -may stroll through Paradise Alley to the Elysian Fields. This beautiful -spot is always fanned by south winds, and among its flowery arbors may -be heard the songs of larks, nightingales, and turtle doves. Beyond lies -the Forest of Arden. Here sturdy oaks covered with clinging vines -abound; but the tree most frequently seen is the Trysting Tree. These -trees are interesting to visitors because of the symbols carved on their -bark. Here one may notice the entwined initials of Aucassin and -Nicolette; there the true lover’s knot of Orpheus and Eurydice, or the -overlapping hearts of Abelard and Heloise. Crossing a stile we wander by -the brookside, or pause for a while at the old Ruined Mill to count the -Shooting Stars. - - - - - FLORA - - -The flowers in Arcady are perennial and bloom all the year round. There -are roses for every stage of the game, from the blush rose to the Bride -Rose. There are moss roses for those who love old-fashioned flowers, and -the Last Rose of Summer is a variety much admired by Romanticists. There -are many old-fashioned gardens in Arcady, and here may be seen Bleeding -Hearts, Forget-me-nots, Love-Lies-Bleeding, Pansies for Thoughts, and -Rosemary for Remembrance. There is also Heartsease and Rue. There are -lanes of lilacs and orchards of apple bloom. There are daisy fields and -groves of orange trees in blossom. Wild flowers grow everywhere and -mistletoe is indigenous. In the flower-shops may be bought orchids or -violets in wealthy effects. In the Souvenir Shops one may find pressed -or dried flowers, and these are much in demand. Poppies grow wild along -the banks of the Lethe River, and the moon-flower flourishes in many -gardens. - - - THE ARCADIAN LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS - - ASTERS—I am very wealthy. - STOCK—I have been successful in Wall Street. - PHLOX—I shear lambs. - RUBBER PLANT—I love to look at you. - DAISY—You’re it. - BURR—I’m stuck on you. - OYSTER PLANT—Will you dine with me? - MINT—Do you live in Philadelphia? - ANISE—Cordially yours. - COSMOS—You’re all the world to me. - MARIGOLD—I mean business. - POPPY—May I speak to your father? - ORCHIDS—I am extravagant. - PALM—Will you accept my hand? - TUBEROSES—May you die soon. - BLUEBELL—I will telephone you. - MOCK ORANGE BLOSSOMS—I am only flirting with you. - MOON FLOWERS—I’m just crazy about you. - BOX—Will you go to the opera with me? - - - - - HOTELS - - -The hotels in Arcady are excellent, with large and well-kept gardens, -rose-embowered lawns, ivy-hung turrets, and all requirements of Romance. - -In the interior of the town is Halcyon Hall, owned by the Lovemore -Company. This is a new and sumptuous hotel, fitted up with a careful -attention to detail, which combines eighteenth-century romance with -nineteenth-century convenience. Among its advantages over the older -hostelries are: - -An Express Elevator to the Seventh Heaven, and a Dream Interpreter Call -and United States Valentine Chute on every floor. It is also lighted by -an Automatic Electric Moon. - -Other important hotels are Orchid Court, Honeymoon Hall, and Violet -Villa. - -The Grand Union is an old and well-known hotel for married lovers. Less -pretentious hostelries are the bijou Villa Beaubelle, Starlight Cottage, -and Cupid’s Court. - -There are many Inns, both quaint and interesting. Their swinging -sign-boards announce such appropriate appellations as “Arms and the -Man,” “The Moon and I,” or “The World is Mine.” - -The St. Valentine Apartment House, situated on Good Times Square, is a -residential building of the first class. - - * * * * * - -RESTAURANTS: These institutions are not specially popular in Arcady, as -the inhabitants rarely have large appetites. Indeed, waiters often set -artificial viands before their patrons, and the difference is not -observed. - -Guests are always overcharged, as the true Lover has no thought of what -he is paying and settles any bill without a murmur. - -A very popular table d’hôte service consists of Bread and Cheese and -Kisses, and the partakers thereof drink to each other only with their -eyes and leave a kiss in the cup, so that wine is never asked for. - - * * * * * - -SWEET SHOPS: These shops are well patronized and their wares include -nectar, honey, angel-cakes, taffy, kisses, and sweets of all sorts. -Orders are filled also for wedding-cakes, and very soft drinks are -served in loving-cups. - - - - - HEARD IN ARCADY - - - MUSIC IN THE GRASS - - - I - - In the summer of the summer, when the hazy air is sweet - With the breath of crimson clover, and the day’s a-shine with heat, - When the sky is blue and burning and the clouds a downy mass, - When the breeze is idly dawdling, there is music in the grass— - Just a thistly, whistly sound - In the tangles near the ground; - And the flitting fairies often stop to listen as they pass. - Just a lisping, whisp’ring tune, - Like a bumblebee’s bassoon, - In a far-away fantasia, is the music in the grass. - - - II - - Would you know what makes the music? On each slender, quivering blade - There are notes and chords and phrases by the bees and crickets - played; - And the grasshoppers and locusts strive each other to surpass - In their brave interpretation of the music in the grass. - By the roguish breezes tossed - You might think it would get lost, - But the careful fairies guard it, watching closely as they pass. - So on every summer day, - Sounding faint and far away, - Is the mystic, murmuring marvel of the music in the grass. - - - - - DITHYRAMB BY AN ARCADIAN POET - - -TO A MILKMAID IN ARCADY - -I hail thee, O Milkmaid! -Goddess of the gaudy morn, Hail! -Across the mead tripping, -Invariably across the mead tripping, -The merry mead with cowslips blooming, -With daisies blooming, -The Milkmaid also more or less blooming! -I hail thee, O Milkmaid! -I recognize the value of thy pail in literature and art. -What were a pastoral poet without thee? -Oh, I know thee, Milkmaid! -I hail thy jaunty juvenescence. -I know thy eighteen summers and thy eternal springs. -Ay, I know thy trials! -I know how thou art outspread over pastoral poetry. -Rampant, ubiquitous, inevitable, thy riotings in pastoral poetry. -And in masterpieces of pastoral art! -How oft have I seen thee sitting; -On a tri-legged stool sitting; -On the wrong side of the cow sitting; -Garbed in all thy preposterous paraphernalia. -I know thy paraphernalia— -Yea, even thy impossible milkpail and thy improbable bodice. -Short-skirted Siren! -Big-hatted Beauty! -What were the gentle spring without thee? -I hail thee! -I hail thy vernality, and I rejoice in thy hackneyed ubiquitousness. -I hail the superiority of thy inferiorness, and -I lay at thy feet this garland of gratuitous -Hails! - -[Illustration: “ON THE WATER ALL SORTS OF BOATS ARE USED”] - - - - - CONVEYANCES - - -Arcady is oftenest traversed on foot, as Lovers would rather stroll -together through the beautiful country than to ride, and many of them -walk on air. But, if desired, any vehicle for two may be obtained at the -Livery Stables. Old-fashioned sidebar buggies and hansom cabs are much -in demand, and some swains still enjoy a bicycle built for two. - -On the water all sorts of boats are used. On moonlight nights and balmy -afternoons, and also in the radiant glow of the early morning, the lakes -and streams are dotted with Shallops, Cockle-Shells, or Gondolas, in -which loving pairs are idly drifting. - -Also, at the Livery Stables, palfreys may be engaged for eloping -purposes, or chargers may be hired by the Lover of medieval tastes, and -rope ladders are sold or rented for these occasions. - -[Illustration: CUPID’S HEARTWARE SHOP] - - - - - SHOPS - - -The Arcadian shops offer delightful wares to a doting Lover. -Flower-markets and candy-shops show tempting display windows, and -book-stalls can supply presentation editions of all the love-lore ever -written from Sappho to the present day. The jewel-shops are marvels of -splendor, and the Arcady arcades and bazaars show love-tokens and -souvenirs of all sorts. An interesting place to visit is Dan Cupid’s -Heartware shop, where charms, love-philters, and true-love knots are for -sale. There is also a repairing department, where broken hearts are -mended and made as good as new. Here hearts may be repaired while you -wait. - - CUPID’S SALE - - Amid their annual display - Of roses, doves, and darts, - Cupid and Co. announce today - A Bargain Sale of Hearts. - - Ho, luckless suitor lachrymose, - Ho, lacklove lovelorn swain, - Gallants rejected and morose, - Hearts you may here obtain. - - Rare specimens that must be sold, - One that is pure and true; - One, an antique, exceeding old, - But quite as good as new. - - And as we know there’ll be a crowd - Before the day is done, - No single buyer is allowed - To purchase more than one. - - A man might find ’mong broken hearts - A fitting mate for his; - Dan Cupid mends with skilful arts - And sells them cheap “as is.” - - Then as you take your walks abroad, - Ho, all ye lovers, stop! - And view these bargains which we laud - At Cupid’s Heartware Shop. - -The gloveshop is a popular emporium, for gloves are so often given or -confiscated, for souvenirs, that they must be continually replaced. - -Mittens, also used as gifts, are for sale here. - -In the bookshops the best selling titles are “How to Make Love and How -to Keep It,” “Sonnets from the Portuguese,” “The Lover’s Lexicon.” - - CUPID’S BILL - - One summer day, poor little Cupid - Sat sadly poring o’er his slate. - “I fear I must be very stupid,” - He said, and shook his curly pate. - - And then he ran away to Venus. - “Dear mother, help me! if you will, - I’m sure,” he cried, “that we between us - Can straighten out Sir Strephon’s bill.” - - Said Venus, “Just as I expected! - You always do make such a fuss - With bills!” But soon it was corrected, - And the account was rendered thus: - - Sir Strephon— - To Dan Cupid, Dr., - To shooting at six maidens’ hearts. - To making one blue silken fetter. - To half a dozen blunted darts. - - To seven arrows, lost or broken. - To one heart by a blunder hit. - To one new bow. To one love-token. - Terms cash. No credit. Please remit. - - “Hasten,” cried Venus, “do not tarry! - Today is Strephon’s wedding-day. - Unless he settle e’er he marry, - Cupid may whistle for his pay.” - -[Illustration: “THE GROVES AND DELLS ARE DECORATED WITH BEAUTIFUL -STATUES”] - - - - - INSTITUTIONS AND PUBLIC BUILDINGS - - -PLACES OF INTEREST: A walk or drive round Arcady will reveal many points -of interest to the traveler. The groves and dells are decorated with -beautiful statues, among which may be noticed Venus, Eros, Psyche, -Adonis, Lothario, Dulcinea, Byron, Mrs. Browning, and lovers of all -times and ages. - -Around the corner there is a little church with a chime of wedding -bells. - - * * * * * - -POST-OFFICE: The post-office is in the heart of an old hollow oak tree -at the corner of Lovers’ Lane and Great Joy Street. It is always much -used, but on St. Valentine’s Day the accommodations are quite -inadequate. - -HEART EXCHANGE: The Heart Exchange is a time-honored institution, and a -circulating library of hearts is patronized by summer girls and college -youths. The Poet’s Corner (corner of Grub Street and Maiden Lane) is -always a crowded spot, and the Photograph Galleries are well patronized. - - THE INTERCEPTED VALENTINE - - Little Bo-peep, will you be mine? - I want you for my Valentine. - You are my choice of all the girls, - With your blushing cheeks and your fluttering curls, - With your ribbons gay and your kirtle neat, - None other is so fair and sweet. - Little Bo-peep, let’s run away, - And marry each other on Midsummer Day; - And ever to you I’ll be fond and true. - Your faithful Valentine, - Little Boy Blue. - - * * * * * - -BANKS: There are many banks. One of the best known is the bank on which -the wild thyme grows, and another almost equally noted is the bank on -which the moonlight slept so sweetly in Jessica’s time. - -There is a Rainy-Day Bank, much patronized by thrifty young Lovers. - -Every day is Bank Holiday in Arcady. - - * * * * * - -THE HOSPITAL: The hospital is a fine up-to-date building, for the -benefit of lovesick swains. It is situated on the corner of Heartbreak -Avenue and Despair Street, and is in charge of skilled medical men and -well-trained nurses. - -Special wards are provided for the moonstruck, and padded cells for -Swains suffering from Love’s delirium, or those frantic Lovers who have -been bitten by the Green-Eyed Monster. - -Emergency Specialists provide first aid to the smitten, and Anatomical -Experts attend those who have had their heads turned, or who have fallen -over head and ears in love; while clever Oculists look after those whom -Love has made blind, or whose eyes are in a fine frenzy rolling. - - * * * * * - -THE WEATHER BUREAU: The weather bureau in Arcady is a most unreliable -affair. - -If a frown cloud his lady’s face, the sign to the Lover is: “Fair and -Slightly Cooler.” - -If he fail in any attention she expected, the sign may be read: “About -this time expect a frost.” - -[Illustration: WEATHER BUREAU -“FAIR AND SLIGHTLY COOLER”] - - * * * * * - -THE CAMPO SANTO: The Campo Santo is a most romantic and enjoyable spot. -From earliest times it has been the habit of Lovers to wander through a -graveyard—and the cemetery in Arcady so abounds in romantic memories -that it is an Elysium in itself. The graves are kept green of such -historic lovers as Paris and Helen, Paolo and Francesca, Hero and -Leander; while the monument of Romeo and Juliet is a veritable shrine -and is always decked with fresh flowers. - - * * * * * - -THE HALL OF FAME: Arcady never tires of honoring the memory of her -eminent citizens. - -Aside from the tombstones in the Campo Santo and the statues in the -Public Gardens, there are Monuments in the Hall of Fame that again -perpetuate the memory of departed Heroes and Heroines of Romance. - -A tablet in bas-relief shows the despairing Huguenot Lovers, while next -it stands a sculptured group of “Darby and Joan.” - -The lovely Pastoral Work, “Corydon and Phyllis,” is opposite the equally -charming piece, “Strephon and Chloe.” - -Fair Margaret and Sweet William sleep in effigy, and noted Lovers of all -climes and ages are represented. - - - - - BALLADE OF ARCADY - - - Oh, Life sings in a joyous strain - When Cupid holds our hearts in fee; - The days such happiness contain, - The nights bring merry revelry. - Our souls are tuned to highest key, - Our hearts from joy know not surcease;— - Yet this one truth comes home to me, - The dearest gift of Love is Peace. - - When many roguish smiles enchain, - When many voices chime in glee, - An interest in them all I feign, - And each the fairest seems to be. - But one I seek all earnestly, - As Jason sought the Golden Fleece, - Whose heart would fain agree with me, - The dearest gift of Love is Peace. - - My fond quest has not been in vain, - Shyly she listened to my plea; - And Cupid, peeping at us twain, - Smiled as I knelt on bended knee. - From gay enchantments now I’m free, - I feel their trifling charms decrease, - From all their blandishments I flee, - The dearest gift of Love is Peace. - - L’ENVOI - - Sweetheart, we’ve done with coquetry, - With coy flirtation and caprice; - All these are past,—and now we see - The dearest gift of Love is Peace. - - - - - AMUSEMENTS - - -The Mayday Plaisance is a large Amusement Park situated on Good Times -Square. - -This is frequented by light-hearted and frivolous-minded young -Arcadians, who enjoy the amusements provided. - - * * * * * - -There is a Captive Aeroplane in the Seventh Heaven, which makes flights -every half-hour. The stay in the Seventh Heaven is necessarily short, -but enthusiastic Lovers go often. - - * * * * * - -The Descent Into the Inferno is another diversion, patronized by intense -or quick-tempered pairs. - -[Illustration: “THE MAYDAY PLAISANCE IS A LARGE AMUSEMENT PARK”] - -The Well of Truth is an interesting feature. - -Looking down into its crystal-clear depths, Lovers learn the truth about -each other. This often causes much merriment, or the reverse. (On the -whole it is a dangerous pastime.) - - * * * * * - -Joy Rides are usually clandestine and secret. They often end -disastrously, but this is part of the fun. Any vehicle may be used and -any speed maintained. Oftenest it is a slow, merely moving crawl, but -again it may be a break-neck dash. Joy Rides have been popular in Arcady -for many centuries. Some have been immortalized in Song and Story. -Robert Browning’s “Last Ride Together” is a stirring tale of a Joy Ride. -See also “The Ride of Lochinvar” and “The Young Lady of Niger.” - - * * * * * - -Bands of Serenaders are often heard in the Mayday Plaisance. These are -of troubadour effect and sing sad or tender love songs to the -accompaniment of such instruments as lutes, guitars, bassoons, etc. The -audience (in pairs) are ensconced in vine-hung balconies and thus enjoy -the appropriate music. - -Dreamland is a part of the Mayday Plaisance, and here young lovers may -indulge in fairest Day-dreams. - -Dream Interpreters are here, who are skilled in interpreting Love’s -Young Dream. - -One may choose to have a Midsummer-Night’s Dream, or he may dream that -he dwelt in Marble Halls, and, if waking is a pain, he may dream again. -Or, if Love’s Dream is o’er, he may ask to have a change come o’er the -spirit of his Dream. - - * * * * * - -Another diversion is the Illusion known as the Bridal Veil. This fools -many. - -[Illustration: A SERENADER] - - THE OLD STORY - - Tonight I met Rose, - So it’s all up with Polly. - She bewitches the beaux, - And tonight I met Rose; - Now who would suppose - _I’d_ be caught by such folly? - But tonight I met Rose, - So it’s all up with Polly. - - - - - LANGUAGE - - -For those who wish to derive the greatest possible pleasure from a visit -to Arcady, some acquaintance with the Language of Love is indispensable. -This can best be acquired by a careful study of poetry and romantic -novels, and about four hours’ practise every day. (“The Lover’s Phrase -Book” is a useful little treatise, as it gives four thousand terms of -endearment, alphabetically arranged, and is small enough to be carried -in the pocket, for ready reference, in case of love at first sight.) - -The Language of Love is largely composed of adjectives and expletives. - -Hyperbole and other flowery figures of speech abound. - -It is also peculiarly rich in idioms, most of which are generally -unintelligible, being made up by those who use them. - - * * * * * - -The beginner usually thus learns the first principles of conjugation. - -First Person, I love. This is a joy and a revelation and he is the -happiest man on earth. - -Second Person, Thou lovest. This completes his rapture and he is in -Heaven. - -Third Person, He loves. This is known as the Tertium Quid and casts the -beginner into the depths of Hades. - - - - - SOME ARCADIAN BROMIDIOMS - - -“When did you first begin to love me?” - -“Do you love me as much as ever?” - -“You don’t love me any more.” - -“I never loved any girl but you.” - -“Oh, I thought I loved him, but now I know it wasn’t really love.” - -“They think they’re happy, but they don’t know what love means,—as we -do.” - -“Do you really think I’m pretty?” - -“I don’t see why you love me.” - -“Nobody in all the world ever loved as we do.” - -“How did you come to love me in the first place?” - -“Would you forgive me anything?” - - - - - EXERCISE FOR THE LANGUAGE STUDENT - - - A VERY PRETTY QUARREL - - HE—Tell me you love me, pretty poppet - SHE—I love you more than you love me! - HE—Oh, no! Excuse me, my own moppet; - But truly, sweet, that cannot be! - - SHE—What cannot be? - HE— That you _could_ love me - More or as much as I love you. - SHE—Ah, so you set yourself above me? - - HE—No, no! not that! - SHE— Oh, yes, you do! - - HE—Now do be reasonable, dearie. - SHE— I will be, sir, if you’ll allow - I love you best. - HE— You make me weary! - SHE—Well, just admit it, anyhow. - - HE—I won’t! - SHE— If you _did_ love me best, dear, - You’d say whatever I might ask, - _Because_ I ask it. - HE— Chuck the rest, dear; - You’ve set me now an easy task. - - SHE—I love you best! Is not that so, love? - HE— It is; and thus we meet the test - I say what you command, you know, love, - Only because _I_ love _you_ best! - - SHE—You horrid thing! - HE— Why, what now, Janet? - I said just what you asked me to! - SHE—You’re mean and cruel! - HE— You began it! - SHE— I didn’t! You did! - HE— No; ’twas you! - - HE—Come, dearie, stop this silly snarling; - You _do_ love most, I spoke in jest; - SHE—No, no, _your_ love is greatest, darling; - HE— No, my sweetheart, _you_ love _me_ best! - - (_Repeat ad lib. D. C. al fine_) - - - - - DEGREES OF LOVE - - - Positive: My Own! - Comparative: My Owner! - Superlative: My Ownest! - - - - - DEFINITIONS - - - Forever: until tomorrow. - Never: until tomorrow. - Yes: no. - No: yes. - Keepsake: any worthless piece of property. - Absence: a heart stimulant. - Alone: (for one) misery. - Alone: (for two) joy. - X X X: kisses. - o o o: kisses. - - - - - THE SPELLING LESSON - - - When Venus said: “Spell _no_ for me,” - “N-O,” Dan Cupid wrote with glee, - And smiled at his success; - - “Ah, child,” said Venus, laughing low, - “We women do not spell it so, - We spell it Y-E-S.” - - - - - LOVE IN ARCADY - - - What to us is time or space, - Hours of absence, days of grace; - As we rule and reign alone - In a kingdom of our own? - Love like ours is up to date, - Sneers at fortune, conquers Fate; - Makes the loves of early times - Look like three bright, shiny dimes. - Couldn’t we give cards and spades - To historic lovers’ shades! - Easily our love can beat - That of Faust and Marguerite. - Heloise and Abelard - Stooped to tricks that we’d discard; - Orpheus and Eurydice - Only knew a simple way; - Launcelot and Guinevere - Wondering would our love-songs hear, - And a few things we might show - Juliet and Romeo. - Hero we’d give pointers to, - Teach Leander how to woo. - I could coach Semiramis, - Trojan Helen teach to kiss. - You’d teach Dante and Petrarch, - Distance Cleopatra’s Mark. - Oh, the loves of bygone days - Were not up to modern ways! - - - - - INSENSIBILITY - - - They tell me that the day is fair, - With blossoms springing everywhere; - I do not know, I cannot say, - For thou, my love, art far away. - - They tell me that the birds sing sweet, - That brooklets ripple at my feet; - I do not know, I cannot hear, - For thou, my love, art nowhere near. - - They tell me that the sky is blue, - The hills take on a purple hue; - I do not know, I cannot see, - For thou, my love, art not with me. - - - - - BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH OF CUPID - - - Ever so many years ago, - When Cupid was quite young, you know, - There were no schools at all, and so, - Athirst for information, - Each day the funny little chap - Would climb up in Dame Venus’ lap, - And study from a book or map - To get his education. - - He traced in his Geography - The Primrose Path to Arcady; - He bounded Agapemone, - And Flowery Fields Elysian. - Then, his Arithmetic begun, - He learned that one and one make one, - That one from two leaves simply none, - And Love abhors division. - - From Botany he learned to know - The value of the mistletoe, - And why a rose is cherished so, - Even when it is faded. - Rhetoric taught him how to say - Fair speeches in a pretty way; - And if a lass should murmur “Nay,” - How she must be persuaded. - - On History’s thrilling page he met - With Romeo and Juliet, - Brave Aucassin and Nicolette, - And other hearts devoted. - Then in Astronomy he found - What ’tis that makes the world go round, - And why the moon is so renowned, - And shooting stars are noted. - - In Grammar Cupid had to say - “I love, thou lov’st, he loves,” each day, - And learn of hearts declined, that they - Can still be conjugated. - He studied the Industrial Arts, - Became adept at mending hearts, - Right skilfully he fashioned darts, - And wondrous love-knots plaited. - - A Magic course he had to take, - And for sad hearts that ache or break - Love-philters strange he learned to make - From musk and myrrh and myrtle. - He studied deeply souls that yearned, - Investigated hearts that burned, - And all the tricks and habits learned - Of doves, both ring and turtle. - - And so Dan Cupid is no fool, - But he’s well versed in love and rule, - Although he never went to school - And never went to college. - He’s blind, and yet the rogue can see - A thousand times as well as we; - And that’s how Cupid comes to be - A Paragon of Knowledge. - - - - - POLITICAL NOTES - - -Arcady is an Absolute Monarchy. It is under Home Rule, and Home is where -the Heart is. - -Each citizen is a King or Queen, and rules one subject. - -Any Monarch may be deposed suddenly and supplanted by another. Beside -being a Monarch each citizen is a slave, and thus the balance of power -is preserved. - -The Declaration of Dependence is signed by all good Arcadians. - - - - - ARCADIAN LAWS - - -Be sure you’re right then lose your head. A fool and his money are soon -married. A little debutante is a dangerous thing. Proposals make cowards -of us all. There’s no fool like a bold fool. The longest way round is -the sweetest way home. One good kiss deserves another. ’Tis love that -makes the man come round. Kisses speak louder than words. People who -live in glass houses shouldn’t hold hands. The woman who deliberates is -won. Where there’s a will there’s a wedding. - - - - - COSTUMES - - -There is a tradition of Arcadian simplicity in dress, but it is not -always observed. The men, unless Poets, are often most careful dressers, -and the women deck themselves in whatever garb they deem most attractive -to men. - -White muslin with blue ribbons is a popular costume, and “some sort of -white, shimmering stuff” is much used for gowns. - -Some women are clever enough to please the men by wearing all black or -all white, and the hats are invariably large black ones or broad-leafed, -rose-decked straws. - -Sunshades, fans, floating scarfs, and many coy adjuncts or fripperies of -dress are seen, and flowers are much worn or carried. - - - - - THEN AND NOW - - - Oh, would I had lived in Arcadian days, - When maidens had not such extravagant ways, - When Daphne and Doris - And Chloe and Chloris - Would laugh with delight o’er a ribbon of blue - Or a glittering buckle to wear on a shoe. - - But the girl of today cares nothing at all - For a trivial gift that is simple or small; - And Ethel and Bessie - And Gertrude and Jessie - Will only approve of the presents I’ve brought - If I spend (and I _shall_!) ten times more than I ought. - - - - - WALKS - - -Delightful walks abound in Arcady and its environs. - -If unaccustomed to its devious ways, it is perhaps better to engage the -services of an experienced Guide, which may be had for a song. - -Nature Lovers enjoy the walk out on the old Romany Road, across the -Field of Four-Leafed Clover toward the Forest of Arden. - -A more Sentimental Journey is along the Primrose Way, up Primrose Hill, -and on, beyond the Night, across the Day, thus following the Course of -True Love. Though this never runs smooth, it is often attempted by young -Lovers, who sometimes persevere along the way and sometimes get -sidetracked. - -To Friends’ Shipyard is a pleasant stroll for an idle summer day. Here -may be seen the Sailor laddies making knots. True lover’s knots may be -bought here and carried away as souvenirs. - -Another attractive walk is along Wall Street. A delightful wall, full of -nooks and crannies and overhung with blossoming vines, runs all along -this street. At the corner of Moonshine Avenue is a beautiful monument -representing Pyramus and Thisbe. - - * * * * * - -A pleasant short ramble is along Amourette Avenue, past the Cosy -Corners, to a Bower of Roses by Bendemeer’s Stream. The stream may be -crossed by the Rustic Bridges or by the Stepping Stones, both being -equally romantic. - -[Illustration: “TRUE LOVER’S KNOTS MAY BE BOUGHT HERE”] - - - - - OLD VALENTINES - - - How rapidly Time shifts the scene. - Again it is St. Cupid’s day, - And I must send to my Rosine - A gorgeous valentine bouquet. - Last year I sent the same to May— - Heigh-ho! I’ve led a blithe career— - They’d make a rather long array, - My valentines of yester-year. - - In years beginning with 18— - I was unfettered, free, and gay - Each maiden seemed to me a queen, - And to each one my court I’d pay. - Now I’m engaged. Ah, well-away! - Rosina _is_ a perfect dear, - But I would better not display - My valentines of yester-year. - - No memories shall come between - My love and me. And I’ll essay - To keep her life calm and serene, - And love her when she’s old and gray: - Her lightest wish I will obey, - But still—I hope she’ll never hear - Those verses that I wrote in play, - My valentines of yester-year. - - L’ENVOI - - Cupid, my secrets ne’er betray, - Let me not realize my fear; - And may they be destroyed, I pray, - My valentines of yester-year. - - - - - BUSINESS SECTION - - -The Business Section of Arcady is on Wise Acre Square, just South of -Wall Street. Here may be found the Great Heart Trust, the Unbounded -Trust Company, and the offices of the Trust Her Not Association. These -Companies issue United States Bonds of Matrimony upon application. - -The Court of Appeals and the Supreme Court are busy places, and in their -courtyards sweethearts may be seen courting at any time during business -hours. - -They receive and negotiate Sealed Proposals and Bids and draw up -Marriage contracts. - - * * * * * - -In the Flat Irony Building are the offices of the Love Insurance -Company, the Arcady Ideal Estate Company, and other such organizations, -whose advertisements may be found at the end of this volume. - - - - - IT HAPPENED IN ARCADY - - - THE GREAT HEART TRUST - -“What is the matter, Kiddums?” said Dame Venus, as Cupid entered her -boudoir, with his blue ribbon untied and limply dragging behind him, and -his eyes shining through big tears, like bluebirds taking a bath. - -“Mother, I’m a ruined man,” and Cupid flung himself into his own little -chair, with a Delsarte gesture expressive of deepest dejection. - -“What now, what now, my child?” gently inquired his beautiful parent, -holding her hand-mirror a little to one side, that she might better -perceive her troubled offspring. - -“Why, just this. Some of those fools of finance have organized a Great -Heart Trust.” - -“Oh, Cupid, not really! Then your occupation is indeed gone! They have -taken the very hearts out of your mouth!” - -“Yes, Mother; and aside from the loss of my business, just think how -horrid it is to commercialize it so! Why, I went to their office to make -sure the report was true, and there they were, those horrible -magnets,—or whatever they call them,—huddled round a ticker, and -yelling out to one another such things as these: ‘Loyal Hearts -preferred. Chicago making bold advance; sharp dealings noticed. Colorado -Springs Hearts failed to rally; feeling weak and generally depressed; -later, showed a slight reaction. Spinsters, no demand.’ I don’t know -what it all means, I’m sure; but I see my finish, and I may as well -break my arrows and unstring my bow.” - -With a Delsarte gesture of vindictiveness and despair, Cupid doubled up -his rosy, dimpled knee and snapped an arrow across it, throwing the -pieces on the floor. Then he began to unstring his beautiful, curved -bow. - -Venus looked sympathetically at her only son. - -“Perhaps,” she began, “it isn’t as bad as you think, dear. Perhaps,—” - -“Now, isn’t that just like a woman!” exclaimed Cupid; his round pink -cheeks growing rounder and pinker as he stormed on. “I just guess, -Mother, if you had been down to the Heart Exchange and had heard and -seen what I did, you wouldn’t say, ‘Perhaps and perhaps.’ Why, I -strolled over to listen to two of the magnets talking. One man said -there was a corner in the matrimonial market and the other said he was -too visionary, for that market wasn’t at all affected by the Heart -Trust. He said it was only a question of a deal in futures. I don’t know -what they mean by such talk as that.” - -“I’m sure I don’t either, Cupid,” said Venus, laying down her mirror; -for she had begun to realize that the question was serious and she must -give it her undivided attention, which is a difficult matter for a real -Venus. “Tell me more, Son.” - -“Well, I looked over a man’s shoulder, and he was reading from another -of those ticker things. He was a horrid man, not the kind I like to deal -with, at all. He read things like this: ‘Summer Girls. Sensational -Advances. No Reserve. Public Wary. Actresses not well supported, but -best of financial backing; good figures.’” - -“But, Cupid, dearie, you’re not interested in hearts like those, I -hope.” - -“Now, Mother, you know perfectly well that a man in my business position -is obliged to deal in all sorts of hearts. And I’ve always had a -monopoly of the market. Now the Great Heart Trust has spoiled my trade -entirely.” He broke another arrow across his knee and his quiver seemed -to have transferred itself to his rosy lips. - -“But, Son,” began Venus, hopefully, “doesn’t this affect city hearts -only? Can’t you go to the country, and in the flowery fields and lovers’ -lanes find all the business you can attend to?” - -“No, Mother,” and the curly head drooped like a dandelion at midday. -“This Great Heart Trust is universal. I stole a look at one of their -papers this morning, and one column was headed ‘Rural Reports.’ Then it -said: ‘Country depressed, dull; moving slowly. Domestic Products quiet -and well-behaved; in great demand. Southern peach crop very fine; -quickly snapped up.’ I can’t understand all their queer terms, but I -suppose I shall have to learn them.” - -“Yes, Cupid, do that. Meet them on their own ground and fight them with -their own weapons. You know more about hearts than they do; think of -your long experience.” - -“Oh, Mother! Imagine me occupying a seat in the Heart Exchange! Why, I’d -have to wear a ticker ribbon instead of my blue sash. No, I never could -learn their language. Why, they talk like this: ‘Coquettes’ hearts, -Common stock; a declining movement shows a hardening tendency, but the -stock is unsteady, with exciting effects.’ And not only our own people -are concerned, but they quote prices on Foreign Hearts, and, Mother, the -rates are almost prohibitive. Then one report said, ‘Fiancées’ Hearts; -do not fear local pressure!’ Now what can such talk mean? Then it said: -‘Boston. (See Ice Trust.)’ No, Mother, it’s no use; I can’t understand -their jargon.” - -“But, Cupid, you can learn. The age is progressive and you must keep up -with it. You know yourself that for some time your methods of dealing in -hearts have been considered old-fashioned. Now you must try more -up-to-date ways.” - -“But, Mother, some reports are so sad. Their paper said today that there -were many heart failures reported. Why, one heart broke at sixty—during -a period of depression! And then they quoted ‘Hearts Bowed Down.’ That -seemed to be a falling market, with heavy sales. Several hearts were -lost or stolen, and altogether it made me feel panic-stricken. And what -do you think, they quoted ‘Husbands’ as inclined to firmness, but -showing bearish indications! No, it’s all out of my line. I know my -business, I’ve practised it many, many years, and I’m too old to learn -new tricks.” - -Venus looked at her son in much the same way that any mother looks at -her child when she knows she can help him out of his difficulty. - -“You dear, silly child,” she said, “you’re needlessly alarmed. Every -trust must have its day, but they all fail sooner or later. Bide your -time, and after a while you’ll find that the trust is all over, and you -can carry on the game in your own sweet way. I have heard of some kind -of a queer machine,—I think it’s called a ‘trust buster,’—invented -just on purpose to break up these trusts. I’ll get you one. Now kiss me -and run away and play.” - -Venus picked up her mirror again and sat gazing at her beautiful nose in -rapt admiration of that classic member. - -Cupid cheered up considerably. “Mother, you’re a blessing,” he said, as -he kissed the tip of her ear. “But,” he added, as he ran away to chase -butterflies, “after this trust-buster thing has done its smashing, -_won’t_ I have a time mending all the broken hearts!” - - - - - CALAMITOUS CATASTROPHE - - - DIRE DESTRUCTION AND DEPLORABLE DISASTER - - DESOLATION AND DEVASTATION CAUSED BY AN APPALLING AIRQUAKE - - THOUSANDS OF CASTLES IN THE AIR OVERTHROWN AND DEMOLISHED - - (_From our own correspondent_) - -ARCADY: A terrible airquake has wrought havoc in the densely populated -atmosphere above this locality. Without a word of warning, noble and -beautiful castles in the air went toppling to their ruin. - -Though difficult to get details in these first hours of confusion and -distress, it is known that the sumptuous air castle built by Claude -Melnotte for the Lady of Lyons is entirely demolished. The devastated -area is widespread, and from the most magnificent dream of marble halls -to the humblest vision of love in a cottage, all of the _Chateaux en -Espagne_ have fallen. It is feared that many loves have been lost in the -ruins. Even now the agents of the Love Insurance Company are on the spot -estimating the casualties. Many of the survivors declare they will -rebuild at the earliest possible moment. Indeed, it may safely be -predicted that new and more elaborate and beautiful castles in the air -will soon take the place of the old ones. Among the débris of ruined -hopes and shattered ideals, pathetic sights may be seen. Here a broken -resolution sticks up through the mass of fragments, there a broken -promise; and everywhere are fallen idols and upset plans. The explorer -is menaced by pits of boiling imagination and fine frenzies rolling. But -relief supplies are already being received. A ship, with Youth at the -helm and Pleasure at the prow, has just come into the harbor, bringing a -cargo of fresh hopes and such stuff as dreams are made of. - -Owing to the prevalence of mirage it is difficult to give definite -statistics; but the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is still -visible, and the sanguine, light-hearted people have already begun to -rear anew their castles in the air. - - _From the Arcadian News_ - - - - - ADVERTISEMENTS - - - PERSONALLY CONDUCTED HONEYMOON TOURS - - BILLINGS & COO, PROPRIETORS - -Why trouble yourself with the details of traveling and its -paraphernalia, at a time when your heart, mind, and soul are all -absorbed in other matters? - -Why descend to the sordid buying of tickets and checking of luggage, -when your spirit is soaring in realms of Empyrean bliss? - -Why puzzle over the baffling intricacies of a time-table, when you can -be looking into the lustrous orbs of your Bride? - -Why suffer the irritating Emergencies of Travel, when your way may be -made a path of Roses by embarking on one of our Personally Conducted -Wedding Trips? - -All Routes to suit all Temperaments! - -The Totally Oblivious are piloted safely through a hackneyed and -uneventful Trip. - -The Fearfully Embarrassed are shielded and screened from unpleasant -observation. - -The Ostentatiously Happy are paraded in public and brought into -delightful prominence on trains and in hotels. - -The Blissfully Enraptured are conducted to Sentimental Spots and on -Romantic Rambles. - -One of D. Cupid’s Own Guides, in Blue Ribbon Uniform, takes entire -charge of each Happy Couple and attends to all details of the Trip. At -the request of the Bride he will write letters home to her mother from -every stopping-place or will, at the order of the Bridegroom, extend his -Letters of Credit or telegraph his bank for more funds. - -These Tours are entirely _de luxe_. The routes are strewn with roses all -the way. Sunshiny and balmy weather guaranteed. Not one bored moment, or -Money Refunded. - -Write at once for Prospectus. - - BILLINGS & COO - - THE BRIDAL PATH - - ORANGE BLOSSOM PARK - - * * * * * - - MUTUAL-BENEFIT LOVE-INSURANCE COMPANY - -Lovers, Attention! Is your love insured? Other loves are dead; your love -may die. You insure your life, your house, your barns. Why not insure -your love? - -This company is incorporated under the laws of the United States, and -its affairs are conducted by a board of directors, including some of our -best known poets and novelists, and it is approved in all respects by -the board of underpaid writers. - -MEMBERSHIP: Any lover between the ages of eighteen and seventy, of sound -body and (otherwise) sound mind, in good health (excepting such maladies -as are traceable to the fact of his or her being in love) and of -temperate habits, whose occupation comes within certain classifications -hereinafter specified, shall be eligible to membership. - -Policies are issued only upon healthy, honest loves subscribed and sworn -to by both parties interested therein, and guaranteed to be not like -other loves. - -PROHIBITED RISKS: Citizens of Chicago, members of the theatrical -profession, students of co-educational colleges, naval heroes, and -summer girls are not eligible to membership, and their applications will -not be considered by this company. - -Applicants must answer truthfully and without evasion the following -questions: - -State name, including all nicknames or pet names used during the love to -be insured. - -How long have you been in love? - -Was it love at first sight? - -Are you (1) handsome, (2) good-looking, or (3) plain? - -Are you susceptible to flattery? - -Are you of a jealous disposition? - -Have you ever had Heart-disease? Palpitation? Melancholia? -Lover-complaint? Blues? Heart-failure? - -What is your occupation? (Specify this definitely. If a business man, -state if lady typewriters are employed, and if so, how many and of what -appearance. Append photographs if possible.) - -Where do you spend your vacations? - -Are there widows there? - -Any applicant answering these questions satisfactorily is entitled to a -policy in our company that shall provide indemnity for the death of a -love which, though it may now seem deathless, is often subject to mortal -injury in this uncertain life of ours. - - DAN CUPID, _Agent_ - - NO. 7 PRIMROSE PATH - - * * * * * - -[Illustration: “THE BLISSFULLY ENRAPTURED ARE CONDUCTED TO SENTIMENTAL -SPOTS”] - - * * * * * - - AIR CASTLES UP TO DATE - - All the Modern Improvements - Spanish Building and Loan Association - Home is where the heart is! - Own your own home! - - Why live in a mundane flat when you can have - a Castle in the Air? - - At a small outlay you may secure a beautiful - site and a large and commodious dwelling - - All styles to suit all tastes! - - Love-in-a-Cottage Type. Rose-embowered Porch - Dimity-curtained Windows. Dream of - Marble Halls - Specially selected Vassals and Serfs. Ruined - Castle Effects - Ivy-hung Turrets. Secret Staircase to Tower - - _Write for circulars and Prospectus_ - - ! ! ! A Few desirable plots for Sale on - Lover’s Lane! ! ! - - * * * * * - - _La Romanza!_ - -The magnificent apartment house, corner Arden Avenue and Paradise Alley - -This apartment air castle is built and finished with a careful attention -to detail, which combines Eighteenth-century Romance with -Nineteenth-century convenience. Among its advantages over older air -castles are: - -Express Elevator to Seventh Heaven - -Trolley Line to Arcady - -Dream Interpreter Call and United States Valentine Chute on every floor - -Lighted by an Automatic Electric Moon - -Surrounded by sturdy oaks and clinging vines. - -Owing to the recent depreciations in Ideal Estate you may be interested -in - - _La Romanza_!!! - _Write for particulars and terms to_ - - DAN CUPID - - _Ideal Estate Agent_ - - NO. 7 PRIMROSE PATH - - * * * * * - - - ADVERTISEMENT - - There’s a new heart awaiting a tenant, - To whom shall its portals unclose? - Dan Cupid is floating his pennant - At The Sign of the Lily and Rose. - - This heart is not offered for selling, - The owner all freely bestows - A hostelry fit for Love’s dwelling, - At The Sign of the Lily and Rose. - - There’s a happy smile caught in her dimple, - That only a debutante shows; - And chatter is guileless and simple - At the Sign of the Lily and Rose. - - She’s pleased with the veriest trifles, - No artful bewitchment she knows; - But Cupid a sigh or two stifles - At The Sign of the Lily and Rose. - - And, indeed, the poor fellow has reason - As he thinks of the long string of beaux - Who’ll successively stop for a season - At The Sign of the Lily and Rose. - -[Illustration: LOVE PROOF WINDOW SCREENS] - - ADVERTISEMENT - -Love-Proof Window Screens fill a long-felt want. Easily adjusted. -Non-penetrable. With these screens in place, Love cannot fly out of the -window when Poverty comes in at the Door. - - TRUELOVE & CO. - - _Sole Agents_ - - 77 MARRION STREET - - ADVERTISEMENT - -DOCTOR IRIS. Diagnostician for all blindness or eye troubles caused by -Love. 24 C Street. - -[Illustration] - -[Illustration: MAP OF _THE TOWN OF_ ARCADY _Surveyed by George Hood_] - - * * * * * - -Transcriber’s Notes: - -Punctuation and type-setting errors have been corrected without note. -Hyphenation and archaic spellings have been retained as in the original. - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Lover's Baedeker and Guide to -Arcady, by Carolyn Wells - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOVER'S BAEDEKER, GUIDE TO ARCADY *** - -***** This file should be named 51189-0.txt or 51189-0.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/1/1/8/51189/ - -Produced by Mardi Desjardins & the online Distributed -Proofreaders Canada team (http://www.pgdpcanada.net) from -page images generously made available by the HathiTrust -Digital Library (https://www.hathitrust.org/digital_library) -and Google Books. - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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text-indent: 1em; padding-left: 0em; margin-left: 3em; } - .stage-embed { margin-top: 0; margin-bottom: 0; text-indent: 0; padding-left: 2.4em; } - .stageright { margin-top: 0; margin-bottom: 0; text-align:right; } - .verse-align { visibility:hidden; } - .verse-align-inline { position:absolute; text-indent:0; } - .verse-align-noindent { visibility:hidden; margin-left:1.2em; } - .literal-container { text-align:center; margin:0 0; } - .literal { display:inline-block; text-align:left; } - </style> - <style type="text/css"> - h1 { font-weight: bold; font-size: 1.3em; } - </style> - </head> - <body> - - -<pre> - -The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Lover's Baedeker and Guide to Arcady, by -Carolyn Wells - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: The Lover's Baedeker and Guide to Arcady - -Author: Carolyn Wells - -Illustrator: A.D. Blashfield - George W. Hood - -Release Date: February 12, 2016 [EBook #51189] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOVER'S BAEDEKER, GUIDE TO ARCADY *** - - - - -Produced by Mardi Desjardins & the online Distributed -Proofreaders Canada team (http://www.pgdpcanada.net) from -page images generously made available by the HathiTrust -Digital Library (https://www.hathitrust.org/digital_library) -and Google Books. - - - - - - -</pre> - -<div class='figcenter'> -<img src='images/cover.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0000' style='width:375px;height:auto;'/> -</div> - -<hr class='pbk'/> - -<p class='pindent'><a id='fron'></a></p> - -<div class='figcenter'> -<img src='images/i001.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0001' style='width:425px;height:auto;'/> -<p class='caption'>“THE POST-OFFICE IS IN THE HEART OF AN OLD HOLLOW OAK TREE”</p> -</div> - -<hr class='tbk100'/> - -<div class='lgc' style=''> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-top:1.5em;margin-bottom:1em;font-size:1.5em;font-weight:bold;'>THE LOVER’S BAEDEKER</p> -<p class='line' style='text-align:center;font-size:1em;font-weight:bold;'>AND</p> -<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1.5em;font-size:1.5em;font-weight:bold;'>GUIDE TO ARCADY</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:1em;font-size:1em;font-weight:bold;'>BY</p> -<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:1.5em;font-size:1.3em;font-weight:bold;'>CAROLYN WELLS</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>WITH TWENTY ILLUSTRATIONS AND A COVER</p> -<p class='line'>BY A. D. BLASHFIELD AND MAPS BY</p> -<p class='line'>GEORGE W. HOOD</p> -</div> <!-- end rend --> - -<div class='figcenter'> -<img src='images/i002.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0002' style='width:150px;height:auto;'/> -</div> - -<div class='lgc' style=''> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'>NEW YORK</p> -<p class='line'>FREDERICK A. STOKES COMPANY</p> -<p class='line'>PUBLISHERS</p> -</div> <!-- end rend --> - -<hr class='pbk'/> - -<div class='lgc' style=''> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'><span class='it'>Copyright</span>, 1912, <span class='it'>by</span></p> -<p class='line'><span class='sc'>Frederick A. Stokes Company</span></p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<hr class='tbk101'/> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'><span class='it'>All rights reserved, including that of translation into foreign</span></p> -<p class='line'><span class='it'>languages, including the Scandinavian</span></p> -</div> <!-- end rend --> - -<div class='figcenter'> -<img src='images/i003.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0003' style='width:250px;height:auto;'/> -</div> - -<div class='lgc' style=''> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line' style='margin-top:2em;'>THE•PLIMPTON•PRESS</p> -<p class='line'>[W•D•O]</p> -<p class='line'>NORWOOD•MASS•U•S•A</p> -</div> <!-- end rend --> - -<hr class='tbk102'/> - -<div class='lgc' style=''> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'>THIS GUIDE BOOK</p> -<p class='line'>IS DEDICATED</p> -<p class='line' style='font-size:1.2em;'>TO ANNA WAITT</p> -<p class='line'>A TOURIST</p> -</div> <!-- end rend --> - -<hr class='tbk103'/> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-top:1.5em;margin-bottom:1em;font-size:1.3em;font-weight:bold;'>CONTENTS</p> - -<table id='tab1' summary='' class='center'> -<colgroup> -<col span='1' style='width: 25em;'/> -<col span='1' style='width: 3em;'/> -<col span='1' style='width: 1em;'/> -</colgroup> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Arcady and Its Environs</span>:</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><span class='sc'>Page</span></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> Preliminary Information</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_1'>1</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Topography</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_4'>4</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Routes</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#rout'>4</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Roads Out of Arcady</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#road'>8</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Season</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#seas'>11</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Climate</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#clim'>11</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Time</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#time'>11</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Time’s Valentine</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_15'>15</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Calendar</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_19'>19</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>The Lay of Lothario Lee</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_21'>21</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Money</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_24'>24</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Custom House</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_24'>24</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Cupid’s Failure</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#cupi'>28</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>History</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_29'>29</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>An Arcady Girl</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#anar'>31</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Under a New Charter</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#unde'>32</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Arcadia</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_34'>34</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>An Arcadian Lady</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#arca'>38</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Arcady</span>:</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> Preliminary Ramble</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#prel'>39</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Flora</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_41'>41</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>The Arcadian Language of Flowers</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_43'>43</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Hotels</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_44'>44</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Restaurants</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#rest'>45</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Sweet Shops</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#swee'>46</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Heard in Arcady</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_47'>47</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Dithyramb by an Arcadian Poet</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_49'>49</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Conveyances</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#conv'>50</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Shops</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_54'>54</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Cupid’s Sale</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#sale'>55</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Cupid’s Bill</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#bill'>57</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Institutions and Public Buildings</span>:</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> Places of Interest</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#plac'>58</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> Post-Office</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#post'>58</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> The Heart Exchange</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#exch'>61</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>The Intercepted Valentine</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_62'>62</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> Banks</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#bank'>62</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> The Hospital</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#hosp'>62</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> The Weather Bureau</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#weat'>65</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> The Campo Santo</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#camp'>65</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> The Hall of Fame</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#hall'>66</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Ballade of Arcady</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_67'>67</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Amusements</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_68'>68</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>The Old Story</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#olds'>75</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Language</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_75'>75</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Some Arcadian Bromidioms</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_76'>76</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Exercise for the Language Student</span>:</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>A Very Pretty Quarrel</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_77'>77</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> Degrees of Love</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_79'>79</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> Definitions</td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#def'>79</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>The Spelling Lesson</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#thes'>79</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Love in Arcady</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_80'>80</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Insensibility</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_81'>81</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Biographical Sketch of Cupid</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#biog'>82</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Political Notes</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_84'>84</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Arcadian Laws</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#laws'>84</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Costumes</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_85'>85</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Then and Now</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#then'>86</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Walks</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_87'>87</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Old Valentines</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#oldv'>91</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Business Section</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_93'>93</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>It Happened in Arcady</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_94'>94</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Calamitous Catastrophe</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_101'>101</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'><span class='sc'>Advertisements</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_103'>103</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab1c1 tdStyle0'> <span class='it'>Advertisement</span></td><td class='tab1c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#advert'>113</a></td><td class='tab1c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -</table> - -<hr class='tbk104'/> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-top:1.5em;margin-bottom:1em;font-size:1.3em;font-weight:bold;'>LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS</p> - -<table id='tab2' summary='' class='center'> -<colgroup> -<col span='1' style='width: 30em;'/> -<col span='1' style='width: 6em;'/> -<col span='1' style='width: 1em;'/> -</colgroup> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>The Post Office is in the heart of an old hollow oak tree</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#fron'><span class='it'>Frontispiece</span></a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><span class='it'>Facing page</span></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>Arcadia (Map)</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_3'>3</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>Across the Sea of Dreams in a Transport of Rapture</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_5'>5</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>The troubled waters of the Gulf of Woe</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_7'>7</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>Mountains of Opposition</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_8'>8</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>A radiant Goddess beckoning to him</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_9'>9</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>Many with a greed for lucre will follow the</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_10'>10</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'> Goddess of Fortune</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>’Tis love that makes the world go round</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_12'>12</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>The old clock on the stairs</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_13'>13</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>Sun dials and moon dials are approved as they mark the</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_17'>17</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'> bright hours only</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>Custom House</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_25'>25</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>Arcady and its Environs (Map)</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_35'>35</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>On the water all sorts of boats are used</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_51'>51</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>Cupid’s Heartware Shop</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_53'>53</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>The groves and dells are decorated with beautiful statues</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_59'>59</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>Weather Bureau</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_63'>63</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>The Mayday Plaisance is a large amusement</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_69'>69</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>A Serenader</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_73'>73</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>True lovers’ knots may be bought here</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_89'>89</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>The blissfully enraptured are conducted to sentimental spots</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_107'>107</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>Love proof window screens</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#Page_114'>114</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'></td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'> </td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'> </td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab2c1 tdStyle0'>Map of the Town of Arcadia</td><td class='tab2c2 tdStyle1'><a href='#endp'>End-leaves</a></td><td class='tab2c3 tdStyle0'></td></tr> -</table> - -<hr class='tbk105'/> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:0.5em;font-size:1.7em;font-weight:bold;'>THE LOVER’S BAEDEKER AND</p> -<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:0.5em;font-size:1.7em;font-weight:bold;'>GUIDE TO ARCADY</p> - -<hr class='tbk106'/> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='1' id='Page_1'></span><h1 class='nobreak'><span class='bold'>ARCADY AND ITS ENVIRONS</span></h1></div> - -<h2 class='nobreak'>PRELIMINARY INFORMATION</h2> - -<p class='noindent'><span style='float:left; clear: left; margin:0 0.1em 0 0; padding:0; line-height: 1.0em; font-size: 200%;'>O</span>ver the hills and far away lies Arcady, -the Mecca of all Lovers, and therefore -the place where Journeys End. -Situated on a large tract of enchanted ground, -in the Country of Agapemone, Arcady is a -beautiful and interesting place, and should be -visited by every tourist making the Grand -Tour of Life.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Even the shortest sojourn here will yield -rich rewards of interest and pleasure, and will -contribute more than long years of study to a -thorough enjoyment and comprehension of all -that is best in life.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>The majority of the human race sooner or -later find Arcady for themselves, some seeking -it with a steadfast purpose, others blindly -stumbling into it all unexpectedly.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>But to the traveler who would enjoy intelligently -its delights, the following hints may not -come amiss.</p> - -<hr class='tbk107'/> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='3' id='Page_3'></span></p> - -<div class='figcenter'> -<a href='images/i013f.png'><img src='images/i013.png' alt='' id='iid-0004' style='width:500px;height:auto;'/></a> -<p class='caption'><span class='it'>ARCADIA</span></p> -</div> - -<hr class='tbk108'/> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='4' id='Page_4'></span><h1>TOPOGRAPHY</h1></div> - -<p class='pindent'>The Province of Arcadia, whose capital is -Arcady (see map No. 1), is bounded on the North -by the Land of Heart’s Desire, from which it -is separated by the Happy Valley.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>On the East it is bounded by the Gulf of -Time, across which dimly may be seen, in the -distance, the Garden of Eden.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>On the West by the Mountains of Opposition, -beyond which is the Gulf of Dark -Despair.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Along the Southern Shores murmur the lapping -wavelets of the Sea of Dreams, whose -wonderful phenomenon of Mirage often deceives -even an experienced traveler.</p> - -<hr class='tbk109'/> - -<p class='pindent'><a id='rout'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Routes</span></span>: Travelers may approach Arcady by -several routes. One of the pleasantest is the -Joy Line, by which passengers are carried across -the Sea of Dreams in Transports of Rapture.</p> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='5' id='Page_5'></span></p> - -<div class='figcenter'> -<img src='images/i015.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0005' style='width:425px;height:auto;'/> -<p class='caption'>“ACROSS THE SEA OF DREAMS IN TRANSPORTS OF RAPTURE”</p> -</div> - -<p class='pindent'>Another approach, preferred by adventurous -ones in search of excitement, is across the -Seas of Misunderstanding, through the troubled -waters of the Gulf of Wo, and over the difficult -and well-nigh impassable Mountains of Opposition. -However, when these mountains -are safely crossed the way is delightful and -easy.</p> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='7' id='Page_7'></span></p> - -<div class='figcenter'> -<img src='images/i017.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0006' style='width:425px;height:auto;'/> -<p class='caption'>“THE TROUBLED WATERS OF THE GULF OF WO”</p> -</div> - -<p class='pindent'><a id='road'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Roads out of Arcady</span></span>: The Road to Fame -often leads out of Arcady. An ambitious youth, -hearing a silvery trumpet note, looks up to see -a radiant Goddess beckoning to him. Unless a -true Lover, he may be dazzled by her glory and -cajoled by her promises. Lured away, he follows -the fickle Fair and soon loses all interest -in Arcadian delights.</p> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='8' id='Page_8'></span></p> - -<div class='figcenter'> -<img src='images/i018.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0007' style='width:500px;height:auto;'/> -</div> - -<p class='pindent'>The Road to Wealth is another easy way out -of Arcady. Not content with the Pot of Gold -at the End of the Rainbow, many with a greed -for lucre will follow the Goddess Fortune, who -is even more false and fickle than the Goddess -Fame.</p> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='9' id='Page_9'></span></p> - -<div class='figcenter'> -<img src='images/i019.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0008' style='width:425px;height:auto;'/> -<p class='caption'>“A RADIANT GODDESS BECKONING TO HIM”</p> -</div> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='10' id='Page_10'></span> -Also there is the Downward Path, which leads -from the State of Matrimony to the Great -Divide. Crossing this, the unfortunate traveler -returns to the State of Single Blessedness.</p> - -<div class='figcenter'> -<img src='images/i020.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0009' style='width:475px;height:auto;'/> -<p class='caption'>“MANY WITH A GREED FOR LUCRE WILL FOLLOW THE GODDESS FORTUNE”</p> -</div> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='11' id='Page_11'></span> -<a id='seas'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Season</span></span>: Arcady is an all-the-year-round resort, -and most of the districts described may -be visited at any season of the year. Spring -and Early Summer are perhaps best for an -initial visit.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>June is an especially desirable time for young -lovers to be in Arcady, but Lovelorn Swains and -Minor Poets frequently choose the melancholy -days of Autumn.</p> - -<hr class='tbk110'/> - -<p class='pindent'><a id='clim'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Climate</span></span>: The Climatic conditions of Arcady -are peculiar. Though usually the weather is -balmy and pleasant, sometimes a sudden coolness -springs up and a frost is often distinctly -felt. A stormy time may ensue, and then suddenly -the clouds clear away and all is sunshine -once more.</p> - -<hr class='tbk111'/> - -<p class='pindent'><a id='time'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Time</span></span>: Time in Arcady is entirely a matter -of opinion. To a waiting Lover the minutes -are hours and lag slowly along, while to happy -hearts a golden day flies by as if on wings.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>It is said that Love makes Time pass away, -and Time makes Love pass away; but the latter -<span class='pageno' title='12' id='Page_12'></span> -statement is obviously an error, for after Love -has made Time pass away, how can Time do -anything to Love?</p> - -<p class='pindent'>However, ’tis Love that makes the world -go round, and this explains why Love makes -Time pass so rapidly.</p> - -<div class='figcenter'> -<img src='images/i022.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0010' style='width:500px;height:auto;'/> -<p class='caption'>“’TIS LOVE THAT MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND”</p> -</div> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='13' id='Page_13'></span></p> - -<div class='figcenter'> -<img src='images/i023.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0011' style='width:375px;height:auto;'/> -<p class='caption'>THE OLD CLOCK ON THE STAIRS</p> -</div> - -<div class='lgc' style=''> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'>“FOREVER ——— NEVER</p> -<p class='line'> NEVER ———FOREVER”</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -</div> <!-- end rend --> - -<p class='pindent'>Watches are of little use in Arcady, as the -Lovers deem them always too slow or too fast, -and usually forget to wind them, anyway. The -town timepiece is the Old Clock on the Stairs, -whose refrain is:</p> - -<div class='blockquote'> - -<div class='poetry-container' style=''><div class='lgp'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line0'><span class='it'>Forever—Never—</span></p> -<p class='line0'><span class='it'>Never—Forever—</span></p> -<p class='line'> </p> -</div></div> <!-- end poetry block --><!-- end rend --> - -</div> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='14' id='Page_14'></span> -Forever and Never are the units of time -most employed by Arcadians, and their meanings -are synonymous.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Time when Lovers are separated is measured -by ages; when together, it is not measured at -all, as then the hours unheeded fly, or speed on -winged feet.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Sun dials and Moon dials are approved, as -they mark the bright hours only.</p> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='15' id='Page_15'></span><h1>TIME’S VALENTINE</h1></div> - -<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'>’Twas St. Valentine’s Day, and Father Time</p> -<p class='line'>Said, “I think I’ll scribble a bit o’ rhyme,</p> -<p class='line'>To send to the sweetest maid on earth.”</p> -<p class='line'>And the old fellow chuckled in roguish mirth.</p> -<p class='line'>He reached for his inkhorn and quill, then said,</p> -<p class='line'>As he absently nodded his wise old head,</p> -<p class='line'>“But what maiden is gentle and sweet and fine</p> -<p class='line'>Enough to be my Valentine?</p> -<p class='line'>There’s a musical girl in Kalamazoo,—</p> -<p class='line'>But I hear she beats Time, so she won’t do;</p> -<p class='line'>There’s a fair New York girl, proud and calm,</p> -<p class='line'>But they say she kills Time without a qualm!</p> -<p class='line'>A pretty clubwoman I saw one day,</p> -<p class='line'>But ‘I won’t have Time,’ I heard her say.</p> -<p class='line'>For one of those summer girls I yearn;</p> -<p class='line'>But they declare they ‘have Time to burn.’</p> -<p class='line'>There are lovely girls in a Southern clime,</p> -<p class='line'>But they sweetly admit that they waste Time,</p> -<p class='line'>While the bustling woman, with manners curt,</p> -<p class='line'>Takes Time by the forelock, and that does hurt.</p> -<p class='line'>On the Boston maiden I make no claim,</p> -<p class='line'>To improve Time seems to be her aim.</p> -<p class='line'>And I heard an old spinster contriving a plan</p> -<p class='line'>Say, ‘I’ll try to get Time as soon as I can.’</p> -<p class='line'>So none of these whom I’ve mentioned yet</p> -<p class='line'>A Valentine from Time shall get.</p> -<p class='line'>But I’ve in mind a maiden who,</p> -<p class='line'>When a fond lover came to woo,</p> -<p class='line'>Just blushed and hung down her pretty head,</p> -<p class='line'>And ‘Give me Time!’ was all she said.</p> -<p class='line'>By Cupid, that’s the maid for me!</p> -<p class='line'>To her my Valentine shall be.”</p> -</div></div> <!-- end rend --> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='17' id='Page_17'></span></p> - -<div class='figcenter'> -<img src='images/i027.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0012' style='width:425px;height:auto;'/> -<p class='caption'>“SUN DIALS AND MOON DIALS ARE APPROVED, AS THEY MARK THE BRIGHT HOURS ONLY”</p> -</div> - -<hr class='tbk112'/> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='19' id='Page_19'></span> -<span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Calendar:</span></span> The Arcadian Calendar is entirely -made up of Red-Letter Days.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>In the Spring the Young Man’s Fancy follows -the vernal tradition.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>The Summer is entirely given over to the -Summer Girl’s flirtations.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>In the Autumn a delicious Melancholy is in -the air and Arcadians experience</p> - -<div class='blockquote0r9'> - -<div class='poetry-container' style=''><div class='lgp'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line0'>A feeling of sadness and longing</p> -<p class='line0'>  That is not akin to wo;</p> -<p class='line0'>And resembles sorrow only</p> -<p class='line0'>  As a Poet resembles a Poe.</p> -</div></div> <!-- end poetry block --><!-- end rend --> - -</div> - -<p class='pindent'>In Winter come the Halcyon Days, and all -are glad and merry and Life is one grand, sweet -song and dance.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Many Fête Days are observed.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Christmas receives due consideration, but -St. Valentine’s Day and All Hallowe’en are even -more widely celebrated in Arcady.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>April First, or All Fools’ Day, is not specially -observed, except in Fool’s Paradise, where it -is April Fools’ Day all the year round.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Midsummer Eve and the Eve of St. Agnes -are dear to Lovers, and as every day is Somebody’s -<span class='pageno' title='20' id='Page_20'></span> -Birthday, there are celebrations continually. -Mayday, too, is a pleasant occasion, -and on that day there are May-parties all over -the place, for Arcady is a Land where it is -always Saturday Afternoon.</p> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='21' id='Page_21'></span><h1><span class='bold'>THE LAY OF LOTHARIO LEE</span></h1></div> - -<div class='dramastart'><!----></div> - -<p class='dramaline-cont'>Lothario Lee was saddened, the world seemed grim and gray;</p> -<p class='dramaline'>For Lothario Lee was a lover bold, and today was St. Valentine’s Day.</p> - -<p class='dramaline-cont'>’Twas St. Valentine’s Day, and he fain would send his heart to the fair Florelle,</p> -<p class='dramaline'>For the radiant maid had inspired in his breast a passion he could not quell.</p> - -<p class='dramaline-cont'>But alas! for the gay Lothario, his heart was held in fee</p> -<p class='dramaline'>Down at Dan Cupid’s pawnshop, at the sign of the roses three.</p> - -<p class='dramaline-cont'>Willingly would the lovelorn knight that errant heart reclaim,</p> -<p class='dramaline'>But alas! the luckless Lothario hadn’t a cent to his name.</p> - -<p class='dramaline-cont'>So he sadly sat and pondered, as doleful as he could be;</p> -<p class='dramaline'>When a brilliant notion struck him—“Done!” cried Lothario Lee.</p> - -<p class='dramaline-cont'>“I’ll send her the pawnshop ticket, my tale of wo ’twill tell,</p> -<p class='dramaline'>For she alone can redeem my heart—the rich and rare Florelle.”</p> - -<p class='dramaline-cont'>He sent her the tell-tale ticket, he scribbled a hasty line,</p> -<p class='dramaline'>Bidding her call at Dan Cupid’s shop and claim her valentine.</p> - -<p class='dramaline-cont'>And as she read the message, in the soul of the fair Florelle</p> -<p class='dramaline'>A joyful thought rang merrily, like a far-away marriage bell.</p> - -<p class='dramaline-cont'>With her heart in a frantic flutter, adown the street sped she,</p> -<p class='dramaline'>Till she reached Dan Cupid’s pawnshop, at the sign of the roses three.</p> - -<p class='dramaline-cont'>Cupid sat at a work-bench, mending a broken dart;</p> -<p class='dramaline'>“I am Florelle,” said she, “and I come to claim Lothario’s heart.</p> - -<p class='dramaline-cont'>“Here is the ticket, Cupid; what are the ransom fees?</p> -<p class='dramaline'>See, I will pay you the money; give me the heart, if you please.”</p> - -<p class='dramaline-cont'>“But I am blind,” said Cupid, “I cannot see the name;</p> -<p class='dramaline'>Describe the heart you are looking for, and so make good your claim.”</p> - -<p class='dramaline-cont'>“Lothario’s heart,” said the lady, “is brave and knows no fear.”</p> -<p class='dramaline'>“Alas!” said Cupid, dejectedly, “no such heart is here.”</p> - -<p class='dramaline-cont'>“His heart,” said the lady, further, “is honest, and good, and true.”</p> -<p class='dramaline'>“No,” said Dan Cupid, wofully, “not one of these hearts will do.”</p> - -<p class='dramaline-cont'>“His heart to me is single, it beats for me alone.”</p> -<p class='dramaline'>“Come, come,” cried Cupid, “impossible! Such hearts I’ve never known.</p> - -<p class='dramaline-cont'>“The best in my collection has been mended once or twice,</p> -<p class='dramaline'>But here’s a heart that may suit you, if you’re willing to pay the price.</p> - -<p class='dramaline-cont'>“It’s a heart that is sad and lonely, a trifle hard and cold,</p> -<p class='dramaline'>It seems to be rather scarred and worn—in fact, it’s getting old.</p> - -<p class='dramaline-cont'>“It’s somewhat fickle and jealous, a bit impatient, too;</p> -<p class='dramaline'>And it’s branded with several maidens’ names—Coralie, Rose, and Loo.”</p> - -<p class='dramaline-cont'>“Why, that’s the very heart I want,” said the lady, “give it to me;</p> -<p class='dramaline'>That’s the one I’ve been describing to you, the heart of Lothario Lee.”</p> - -<p class='dramaline-cont'>As she left the shop in triumph, said Cupid, “I seem to find</p> -<p class='dramaline'>Each day a more convincing fact to prove that Love is blind.”</p> - -<hr class='tbk113'/> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='24' id='Page_24'></span> -<span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Money</span></span>: Money is of little use in Arcady. -Those who are rich spend their money lavishly, -but the poor get along just as well, and -often better.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>The principal coins of the Realm are the -Lucky Penny and the Last Red Cent.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Credit can always be had at the Arcadian -Shops, and is extended as often as desired.</p> - -<hr class='tbk114'/> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Custom House</span></span>: Hearts, especially if inflammable, -are dutiable articles, and should be -declared as such.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Worn on the sleeve, they are easily examined -by the Inspector, though a dishonest smuggler -has sometimes gone ashore with his heart in his -boots.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Hearts are appraised by weight, so heavy -hearts should be avoided and light hearts -should be carried whenever possible.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Broken hearts are not dutiable, unless they -have been repaired and are quite as good as -new.</p> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='25' id='Page_25'></span></p> - -<div class='figcenter'> -<img src='images/i035.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0013' style='width:425px;height:auto;'/> -<p class='caption'>CUSTOM HOUSE <br/> “PASSIONS SHOULD ALWAYS BE DECLARED”</p> -</div> - -<p class='pindent'>Stolen hearts may be confiscated by the -Customs Inspectors and returned to their -original owners. Stony hearts are exempt.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Passions should always be declared.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Keepsakes and souvenirs are not dutiable and -need not be shown.</p> - -<div><h1><a id='cupi'></a><span class='bold'>CUPID’S FAILURE</span></h1></div> - -<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'>Cupid, one day, in idle quest,</p> -<p class='line'>  Fitted a dainty dart</p> -<p class='line'>And aimed it at Priscilla’s breast,</p> -<p class='line'>  To strike Priscilla’s heart.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>Clean through it went, no heart was there;</p> -<p class='line'>  Said Cupid, “I believe</p> -<p class='line'>Priscilla’s just the girl to wear</p> -<p class='line'>  Her heart upon her sleeve.”</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>But there, alack! it was not found;</p> -<p class='line'>  “Aha!” cried Cupid, “note</p> -<p class='line'>Her frightened air; now I’ll be bound</p> -<p class='line'>  Her heart is in her throat.”</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>Failure again. On slender chance</p> -<p class='line'>  He one more arrow shoots;</p> -<p class='line'>Assuming from her downcast glance,</p> -<p class='line'>  Her heart is in her boots.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>Foiled, Cupid threw aside his bow;</p> -<p class='line'>  “She has no heart,” said he.</p> -<p class='line'>(He did not know that long ago</p> -<p class='line'>  She gave her heart to me.)</p> -</div></div> <!-- end rend --> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='29' id='Page_29'></span><h1>HISTORY</h1></div> - -<p class='pindent'>The early history of Arcady is lost in the -mists of ancient tradition. Looking backward -through the reversed Opera Glass of Time, we -see that it was originally settled by Adam and -Eve. Since then it has been peopled by lovers -of every age, sex, and condition of servitude.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>These people are usually gentle and mild-mannered, -though occasionally given to angry -or quarrelsome outbreaks caused by jealousy -or misunderstanding. These outbreaks, however, -are indulged in mostly for the pleasure of -kissing and making up afterward, and forgiveness -is one of their chief characteristics.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>The Arcadians are not gregarious, but go -about in couples, or sit solitary and alone, wrapt -in rapt thought.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>The male population is divided into Lovers, -Poets, and Lunatics. There are various types -of Lovers—those that sigh like a furnace, those -that are pale and wan, and Swains.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Swains are usually Rustic or Lovelorn.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Feminine Arcadians are called Queens, Goddesses, -Angels, and other titles of incredible -foolishness.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>In physical appearance dwellers in Arcady -are beautiful beyond all words. The women -have eyes as stars of twilight fair, faces with -gardens in, lily hands, amber-dropping hair, -and feet like little mice.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>The men are handsome as Apollos; of heroic -size and Chesterfieldian manners.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>The above-mentioned qualities, though not -always apparent to the disinterested observer, -are realized and insisted upon by the Lovers -themselves.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Oftenest the Citizens of Arcady are transients -and come and go as circumstances decree, but -in some rare instances a happy pair spend their -whole life in Arcady, or wander through the -Happy Valley and make their home in the Land -of Heart’s Desire.</p> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='31' id='Page_31'></span></p> - -<div><h1><a id='anar'></a>AN ARCADY GIRL</h1></div> - -<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'>His gold beams a-spinning, I asked of the sun</p> -<p class='line'>  If he ever had any to spare;</p> -<p class='line'>“Only once,” he replied, “too many I spun,</p> -<p class='line'>  And I gave them to Peggy for hair.”</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>I asked of the sky if his stars were all right,</p> -<p class='line'>  Or if he had over-supplies;</p> -<p class='line'>He said, “I had two which were rather too bright,</p> -<p class='line'>  So I gave them to Peggy for eyes.”</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>I asked of some fays who were cutting out flowers</p> -<p class='line'>  If they had any remnants or snips;</p> -<p class='line'>They said: “We had scraps of these poppies of ours,</p> -<p class='line'>  But we gave them to Peggy for lips.”</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>I said to the rain, “What becomes of the drops</p> -<p class='line'>  That you may not have used when it clears?”</p> -<p class='line'>He said, “If there are any left when it stops,</p> -<p class='line'>  I’ll give them to Peggy for tears.”</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>I artfully coaxed him to spill them all out,</p> -<p class='line'>  And scatter them over the miles,</p> -<p class='line'>And that is the reason, I haven’t a doubt,</p> -<p class='line'>  That Peg’s always dimpling with smiles.</p> -</div></div> <!-- end rend --> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='32' id='Page_32'></span><h1><a id='unde'></a>UNDER A NEW CHARTER</h1></div> - -<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'>Hello! Come in! I called you, Cupid,</p> -<p class='line'>  To take this box. Handle with care!</p> -<p class='line'>Look out! don’t be so careless, Stupid;</p> -<p class='line'>  I’d have you know my heart’s in there.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>Take it at once, boy, to Miss Kitty,</p> -<p class='line'>  And say it is a valentine.</p> -<p class='line'>How happy she’ll look, and how pretty,</p> -<p class='line'>  When she discovers it is mine!</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>Tell her for her my heart is yearning,</p> -<p class='line'>  And then, unless my judgment errs,</p> -<p class='line'>By the same messenger returning</p> -<p class='line'>  I rather think she’ll send me hers.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>What, Cupid, are you back already?</p> -<p class='line'>  And bringing me Miss Kitty’s heart?</p> -<p class='line'>Open it quickly! Stay, be steady!</p> -<p class='line'>  What’s this? A neatly printed chart!</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>“No spaces left at my disposal—</p> -<p class='line'>  Possibly some vacated soon;</p> -<p class='line'>But I have filed your kind proposal.</p> -<p class='line'>  Come up and call some afternoon.”</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>And here her heart is designated—</p> -<p class='line'>  What seas of dreams! what flowery isles!</p> -<p class='line'>The boundaries all distinctly stated,</p> -<p class='line'>  And measured by a scale of smiles.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>A large tract’s given to her poodle;</p> -<p class='line'>  A smaller one contains her cat;</p> -<p class='line'>Here is the claim of Lord Fitznoodle;</p> -<p class='line'>  Here her expensive picture-hat.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>Here I observe her mother’s quarters;</p> -<p class='line'>  This large compartment is her dad’s;</p> -<p class='line'>Here Revolutionary Daughters,</p> -<p class='line'>  And here her clubs and freaks and fads.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>Here is enshrined her baby cousin,</p> -<p class='line'>  And here that Count with whom she flirts;</p> -<p class='line'>Here are male tenants by the dozen</p> -<p class='line'>  (They’re only friends, so she asserts).</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>This corner’s occupied by Irving,</p> -<p class='line'>  This by her pearl and turquoise pin;</p> -<p class='line'>Although I know I am deserving,</p> -<p class='line'>  I don’t see how I can get in.</p> -</div></div> <!-- end rend --> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='34' id='Page_34'></span><h1>ARCADIA</h1></div> - -<p class='pindent'>The province of Arcadia proper, the country -between the Sea of Dreams and the Land of -Heart’s Desire (see map No. 2), is a large district -with well-defined boundaries.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>The natural scenery is delightful, being chiefly -made up of flowery meads and sylvan dells -threaded by murmuring or babbling brooks.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>The River Lethe flows through the country, -at one point dashing over a precipice in a great -Cataract. This is known as Lover’s Leap -and is, at times, the scene of fearful tragedies.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Despairing Swains threaten to end their lives -by dashing into the seething waters, unless their -capricious sweethearts will smile on them.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>As the sweethearts usually smile, death rarely, -if ever, ensues.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Near the middle of the Country of Arcadia -is its capital, the town of Arcady, which is -described elsewhere.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Toward the Northwest lies Lotus Land, the -land where it is always afternoon, where the -charmed sunset lingers low adown in the red -West.</p> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='35' id='Page_35'></span></p> - -<div class='figcenter'> -<a href='images/i045f.jpg'><img src='images/i045.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0014' style='width:500px;height:auto;'/></a> -<p class='caption'>LAND OF HEARTS DESIRE—ARCADY and its Environs</p> -</div> - -<p class='pindent'>The inhabitants are the mild-eyed, melancholy -Lotus-Eaters, whose cult is Indolence set -to Music.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>The mossy banks of Lotus Land slope down -to the River Lethe, and propt on beds of amaranth -and moly the Lotus-Eaters delight to watch -the long bright river drawing slowly and hear -the dewy echoes calling and watch the emerald -color’d water falling, and things like that.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Across the river from Lotus Land lies the -Garden of the Hesperides. These enterprising -maidens do a brisk trade in Golden Apples, -but this district must not be confounded with -the Garden of Eden, as they are not the same.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Going southward, following the shores of -the Gulf of Time, we come to the Land of Yesterday—and -further South to Never Never -Land. These are beautiful and attractive spots -much sought by Lovers of retrospective and -imaginative tendencies.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>On the West side of the river, just South of -Lotus Land, lies Wanderland, and nearby are -the Elysian Fields. These districts are usually -thronged with Lovers sauntering about in pairs, -each couple being entirely oblivious of all the -others.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Further South we come to Dangerous Ground, -which slopes down to Lover’s Leap. Near here -is Fool’s Paradise. This is a popular spot and -often most delicious adventures may be met -here. The dwellers in Fool’s Paradise are absurdly -happy, and sometimes climb a small -eminence in the center of the place, known as -the Height of Folly.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>To the West is a range of Blue Mountains. -The despairing swain often climbs these, but -when he reaches Mount Hope the world looks -brighter and he soon gets back to the Happy -Valley.</p> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='38' id='Page_38'></span><h1><a id='arca'></a>AN ARCADIAN LADY</h1></div> - -<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'>    MY LADY OF DELIGHT</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>With roguish glances bright,</p> -<p class='line'>  All on a summer’s day,</p> -<p class='line'>My Lady of Delight</p> -<p class='line'>  She stole my heart away.</p> -<p class='line'>And though I humbly beg</p> -<p class='line'>  And plead with her, alack!</p> -<p class='line'>My Lady of Delight</p> -<p class='line'>  She will not give it back.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>      Oh, Lady of Delight,</p> -<p class='line'>        The penalty is this—</p> -<p class='line'>      If you would keep the heart you stole</p> -<p class='line'>        Then pay me with a kiss.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>My Lady of Delight,</p> -<p class='line'>  She is a winsome thing;</p> -<p class='line'>She’s Queen of Summertime</p> -<p class='line'>  And Princess of the Spring.</p> -<p class='line'>The glory of her smile,</p> -<p class='line'>  The sunshine in her eyes,</p> -<p class='line'>Is like the dawn of breaking day</p> -<p class='line'>  Across the morning skies.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>      To linger by her side</p> -<p class='line'>        Is such delicious bliss,</p> -<p class='line'>      Methinks I’ll steal her heart from her,</p> -<p class='line'>        And pay her with a kiss.</p> -</div></div> <!-- end rend --> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='39' id='Page_39'></span><h1>ARCADY</h1></div> - -<p class='pindent'>Arcady, the capital and chief city of the -province of Arcadia, is a thickly settled town, -with delightful outlying districts and suburban -surroundings.</p> - -<hr class='tbk115'/> - -<p class='pindent'><a id='prel'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Preliminary Ramble</span></span>: The stranger visiting -Arcady for the first time cannot do better than -to begin by a walk down Lovers’ Lane, where he -must surely be impressed by the shady trees and -luxuriantly blooming flowers. Although sometimes -flooded with morning sunshine, it is usually -evening in Arcady. The moon shines always, -sometimes a Honeymoon glows brightly, and -there are generally stars, or perhaps a tender -twilight with a fading sunset. On each side of -the lane are the small houses of the Love-in-a-Cottage -Colony. These cottages are rose-embowered -and have white dimity curtains tied -with blue ribbons. Crossing Lovers’ Lane at -right angles is Primrose Path, the fashionable -street of Arcady. The dwellings here are air -castles (mostly of Spanish architecture) and -dreams of marble halls. One of the most -celebrated mansions is Claude Melnotte’s:</p> - -<div class='blockquote0r9'> - -<div class='poetry-container' style=''><div class='lgp'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line0'>A palace lifting to eternal summer</p> -<p class='line0'>Its marble walls, from out a glossy bower</p> -<p class='line0'>Of coolest foliage musical with birds,</p> -<p class='line0'>. . . while the perfumed light</p> -<p class='line0'>Stole through the mists of alabaster lamps,</p> -<p class='line0'>And every air was heavy with the sighs</p> -<p class='line0'>Of orange groves and music from sweet lutes,</p> -<p class='line0'>And murmurs of low fountains that gush forth</p> -<p class='line0'>I’ the midst of roses!</p> -</div></div> <!-- end poetry block --><!-- end rend --> - -</div> - -<p class='pindent'>Farther on a shaft of moonlight falls on -Juliet’s balcony, and beyond rise the towers -and turrets of the Castle of La Joyeuse Garde. -Primrose Path leads to Fool’s Paradise, but -turning off to the West the traveler may stroll -through Paradise Alley to the Elysian Fields. -This beautiful spot is always fanned by south -winds, and among its flowery arbors may be -heard the songs of larks, nightingales, and turtle -doves. Beyond lies the Forest of Arden. Here -sturdy oaks covered with clinging vines abound; -but the tree most frequently seen is the Trysting -Tree. These trees are interesting to visitors -because of the symbols carved on their -bark. Here one may notice the entwined initials -of Aucassin and Nicolette; there the true -lover’s knot of Orpheus and Eurydice, or the -overlapping hearts of Abelard and Heloise. -Crossing a stile we wander by the brookside, -or pause for a while at the old Ruined Mill to -count the Shooting Stars.</p> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='41' id='Page_41'></span><h1>FLORA</h1></div> - -<p class='pindent'>The flowers in Arcady are perennial and -bloom all the year round. There are roses for -every stage of the game, from the blush rose to -the Bride Rose. There are moss roses for those -who love old-fashioned flowers, and the Last -Rose of Summer is a variety much admired by -Romanticists. There are many old-fashioned -gardens in Arcady, and here may be seen Bleeding -Hearts, Forget-me-nots, Love-Lies-Bleeding, -Pansies for Thoughts, and Rosemary for Remembrance. -There is also Heartsease and Rue. -There are lanes of lilacs and orchards of apple -bloom. There are daisy fields and groves of -orange trees in blossom. Wild flowers grow -everywhere and mistletoe is indigenous. In -the flower-shops may be bought orchids or violets -in wealthy effects. In the Souvenir Shops -one may find pressed or dried flowers, and -these are much in demand. Poppies grow wild -along the banks of the Lethe River, and the -moon-flower flourishes in many gardens.</p> - -<h2 class='nobreak'><span class='pageno' title='43' id='Page_43'></span>THE ARCADIAN LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS</h2> - -<div class='blockquote'> - -<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Asters</span></span>—I am very wealthy.</p> -<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Stock</span></span>—I have been successful in Wall Street.</p> -<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Phlox</span></span>—I shear lambs.</p> -<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Rubber Plant</span></span>—I love to look at you.</p> -<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Daisy</span></span>—You’re it.</p> -<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Burr</span></span>—I’m stuck on you.</p> -<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Oyster Plant</span></span>—Will you dine with me?</p> -<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Mint</span></span>—Do you live in Philadelphia?</p> -<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Anise</span></span>—Cordially yours.</p> -<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Cosmos</span></span>—You’re all the world to me.</p> -<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Marigold</span></span>—I mean business.</p> -<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Poppy</span></span>—May I speak to your father?</p> -<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Orchids</span></span>—I am extravagant.</p> -<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Palm</span></span>—Will you accept my hand?</p> -<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Tuberoses</span></span>—May you die soon.</p> -<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Bluebell</span></span>—I will telephone you.</p> -<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Mock Orange Blossoms</span></span>—I am only flirting with you.</p> -<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Moon Flowers</span></span>—I’m just crazy about you.</p> -<p class='line'><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Box</span></span>—Will you go to the opera with me?</p> - -</div> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='44' id='Page_44'></span><h1>HOTELS</h1></div> - -<p class='pindent'>The hotels in Arcady are excellent, with -large and well-kept gardens, rose-embowered -lawns, ivy-hung turrets, and all requirements -of Romance.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>In the interior of the town is Halcyon Hall, -owned by the Lovemore Company. This is -a new and sumptuous hotel, fitted up with a -careful attention to detail, which combines -eighteenth-century romance with nineteenth-century -convenience. Among its advantages -over the older hostelries are:</p> - -<p class='pindent'>An Express Elevator to the Seventh Heaven, -and a Dream Interpreter Call and United -States Valentine Chute on every floor. It -is also lighted by an Automatic Electric -Moon.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Other important hotels are Orchid Court, -Honeymoon Hall, and Violet Villa.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>The Grand Union is an old and well-known -hotel for married lovers. Less pretentious hostelries -are the bijou Villa Beaubelle, Starlight -Cottage, and Cupid’s Court.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>There are many Inns, both quaint and interesting. -Their swinging sign-boards announce -such appropriate appellations as “Arms and -the Man,” “The Moon and I,” or “The World -is Mine.”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>The St. Valentine Apartment House, situated -on Good Times Square, is a residential -building of the first class.</p> - -<hr class='tbk116'/> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='45' id='Page_45'></span> -<a id='rest'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Restaurants</span></span>: These institutions are not -specially popular in Arcady, as the inhabitants -rarely have large appetites. Indeed, waiters -often set artificial viands before their patrons, -and the difference is not observed.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Guests are always overcharged, as the true -Lover has no thought of what he is paying and -settles any bill without a murmur.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>A very popular table d’hôte service consists -of Bread and Cheese and Kisses, and the partakers -thereof drink to each other only with -their eyes and leave a kiss in the cup, so that -wine is never asked for.</p> - -<hr class='tbk117'/> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='46' id='Page_46'></span> -<a id='swee'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Sweet Shops</span></span>: These shops are well patronized -and their wares include nectar, honey, -angel-cakes, taffy, kisses, and sweets of all sorts. -Orders are filled also for wedding-cakes, and -very soft drinks are served in loving-cups.</p> - -<hr class='tbk118'/> - -<h2 style='visibility:hidden; margin:0; font-size:0;' >HEARD IN ARCADY</h2> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='47' id='Page_47'></span></p> - -<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line' style='font-size:1.3em;font-weight:bold;'> HEARD IN ARCADY</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line' style='font-size:1.2em;'> MUSIC IN THE GRASS</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>                        I</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>In the summer of the summer, when the hazy air is sweet</p> -<p class='line'>With the breath of crimson clover, and the day’s a-shine with heat,</p> -<p class='line'>When the sky is blue and burning and the clouds a downy mass,</p> -<p class='line'>When the breeze is idly dawdling, there is music in the grass—</p> -<p class='line'>          Just a thistly, whistly sound</p> -<p class='line'>          In the tangles near the ground;</p> -<p class='line'>And the flitting fairies often stop to listen as they pass.</p> -<p class='line'>          Just a lisping, whisp’ring tune,</p> -<p class='line'>          Like a bumblebee’s bassoon,</p> -<p class='line'>In a far-away fantasia, is the music in the grass.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>                        II</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>Would you know what makes the music? On each slender, quivering blade</p> -<p class='line'>There are notes and chords and phrases by the bees and crickets played;</p> -<p class='line'>And the grasshoppers and locusts strive each other to surpass</p> -<p class='line'>In their brave interpretation of the music in the grass.</p> -<p class='line'>          By the roguish breezes tossed</p> -<p class='line'>          You might think it would get lost,</p> -<p class='line'>But the careful fairies guard it, watching closely as they pass.</p> -<p class='line'>          So on every summer day,</p> -<p class='line'>          Sounding faint and far away,</p> -<p class='line'>Is the mystic, murmuring marvel of the music in the grass.</p> -</div></div> <!-- end rend --> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='49' id='Page_49'></span><h1>DITHYRAMB BY AN ARCADIAN POET</h1></div> - -<div class='lgl' style=''> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'>TO A MILKMAID IN ARCADY</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>I hail thee, O Milkmaid!</p> -<p class='line'>Goddess of the gaudy morn, Hail!</p> -<p class='line'>Across the mead tripping,</p> -<p class='line'>Invariably across the mead tripping,</p> -<p class='line'>The merry mead with cowslips blooming,</p> -<p class='line'>With daisies blooming,</p> -<p class='line'>The Milkmaid also more or less blooming!</p> -<p class='line'>I hail thee, O Milkmaid!</p> -<p class='line'>I recognize the value of thy pail in literature and art.</p> -<p class='line'>What were a pastoral poet without thee?</p> -<p class='line'>Oh, I know thee, Milkmaid!</p> -<p class='line'>I hail thy jaunty juvenescence.</p> -<p class='line'>I know thy eighteen summers and thy eternal springs.</p> -<p class='line'>Ay, I know thy trials!</p> -<p class='line'>I know how thou art outspread over pastoral poetry.</p> -<p class='line'>Rampant, ubiquitous, inevitable, thy riotings in pastoral poetry.</p> -<p class='line'>And in masterpieces of pastoral art!</p> -<p class='line'>How oft have I seen thee sitting;</p> -<p class='line'>On a tri-legged stool sitting;</p> -<p class='line'>On the wrong side of the cow sitting;</p> -<p class='line'>Garbed in all thy preposterous paraphernalia.</p> -<p class='line'>I know thy paraphernalia—</p> -<p class='line'>Yea, even thy impossible milkpail and thy improbable bodice.</p> -<p class='line'>Short-skirted Siren!</p> -<p class='line'>Big-hatted Beauty!</p> -<p class='line'>What were the gentle spring without thee?</p> -<p class='line'>I hail thee!</p> -<p class='line'>I hail thy vernality, and I rejoice in thy hackneyed ubiquitousness.</p> -<p class='line'>I hail the superiority of thy inferiorness, and</p> -<p class='line'>I lay at thy feet this garland of gratuitous</p> -<p class='line'>Hails!</p> -</div> <!-- end rend --> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='51' id='Page_51'></span></p> - -<div class='figcenter'> -<img src='images/i061.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0015' style='width:425px;height:auto;'/> -<p class='caption'>“ON THE WATER ALL SORTS OF BOATS ARE USED”</p> -</div> - -<div><h1><a id='conv'></a>CONVEYANCES</h1></div> - -<p class='pindent'>Arcady is oftenest traversed on foot, as -Lovers would rather stroll together through the -beautiful country than to ride, and many of -them walk on air. But, if desired, any vehicle -for two may be obtained at the Livery Stables. -Old-fashioned sidebar buggies and hansom cabs -are much in demand, and some swains still enjoy -a bicycle built for two.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>On the water all sorts of boats are used. -On moonlight nights and balmy afternoons, -and also in the radiant glow of the early morning, -the lakes and streams are dotted with Shallops, -Cockle-Shells, or Gondolas, in which loving -pairs are idly drifting.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Also, at the Livery Stables, palfreys may -be engaged for eloping purposes, or chargers -may be hired by the Lover of medieval tastes, -and rope ladders are sold or rented for these -occasions.</p> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='53' id='Page_53'></span></p> - -<div class='figcenter'> -<img src='images/i063.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0016' style='width:425px;height:auto;'/> -<p class='caption'>CUPID’S HEARTWARE SHOP</p> -</div> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='54' id='Page_54'></span><h1>SHOPS</h1></div> - -<p class='pindent'>The Arcadian shops offer delightful wares to -a doting Lover. Flower-markets and candy-shops -show tempting display windows, and -book-stalls can supply presentation editions -of all the love-lore ever written from Sappho -to the present day. The jewel-shops are marvels -of splendor, and the Arcady arcades and -bazaars show love-tokens and souvenirs of all -sorts. An interesting place to visit is Dan -Cupid’s Heartware shop, where charms, love-philters, -and true-love knots are for sale. There -is also a repairing department, where broken -hearts are mended and made as good as new. -Here hearts may be repaired while you wait.</p> - -<h2><a id='sale'></a>CUPID’S SALE</h2> - -<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'>Amid their annual display</p> -<p class='line'>  Of roses, doves, and darts,</p> -<p class='line'>Cupid and Co. announce today</p> -<p class='line'>  A Bargain Sale of Hearts.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>Ho, luckless suitor lachrymose,</p> -<p class='line'>  Ho, lacklove lovelorn swain,</p> -<p class='line'>Gallants rejected and morose,</p> -<p class='line'>  Hearts you may here obtain.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>Rare specimens that must be sold,</p> -<p class='line'>  One that is pure and true;</p> -<p class='line'>One, an antique, exceeding old,</p> -<p class='line'>  But quite as good as new.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>And as we know there’ll be a crowd</p> -<p class='line'>  Before the day is done,</p> -<p class='line'>No single buyer is allowed</p> -<p class='line'>  To purchase more than one.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>A man might find ’mong broken hearts</p> -<p class='line'>  A fitting mate for his;</p> -<p class='line'>Dan Cupid mends with skilful arts</p> -<p class='line'>  And sells them cheap “as is.”</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>Then as you take your walks abroad,</p> -<p class='line'>  Ho, all ye lovers, stop!</p> -<p class='line'>And view these bargains which we laud</p> -<p class='line'>  At Cupid’s Heartware Shop.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -</div></div> <!-- end rend --> - -<p class='pindent'>The gloveshop is a popular emporium, for -gloves are so often given or confiscated, for -souvenirs, that they must be continually replaced.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Mittens, also used as gifts, are for sale here.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>In the bookshops the best selling titles are -“How to Make Love and How to Keep It,” -“Sonnets from the Portuguese,” “The Lover’s -Lexicon.”</p> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='57' id='Page_57'></span></p> - -<h2><a id='bill'></a>CUPID’S BILL</h2> - -<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'>One summer day, poor little Cupid</p> -<p class='line'>  Sat sadly poring o’er his slate.</p> -<p class='line'>“I fear I must be very stupid,”</p> -<p class='line'>  He said, and shook his curly pate.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>And then he ran away to Venus.</p> -<p class='line'>  “Dear mother, help me! if you will,</p> -<p class='line'>I’m sure,” he cried, “that we between us</p> -<p class='line'>  Can straighten out Sir Strephon’s bill.”</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>Said Venus, “Just as I expected!</p> -<p class='line'>  You always do make such a fuss</p> -<p class='line'>With bills!” But soon it was corrected,</p> -<p class='line'>  And the account was rendered thus:</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>Sir Strephon—</p> -<p class='line'>        To Dan Cupid, Dr.,</p> -<p class='line'>  To shooting at six maidens’ hearts.</p> -<p class='line'>To making one blue silken fetter.</p> -<p class='line'>  To half a dozen blunted darts.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>To seven arrows, lost or broken.</p> -<p class='line'>  To one heart by a blunder hit.</p> -<p class='line'>To one new bow. To one love-token.</p> -<p class='line'>  Terms cash. No credit. Please remit.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>“Hasten,” cried Venus, “do not tarry!</p> -<p class='line'>  Today is Strephon’s wedding-day.</p> -<p class='line'>Unless he settle e’er he marry,</p> -<p class='line'>  Cupid may whistle for his pay.”</p> -</div></div> <!-- end rend --> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='59' id='Page_59'></span></p> - -<div class='figcenter'> -<img src='images/i069.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0017' style='width:425px;height:auto;'/> -<p class='caption'>“THE GROVES AND DELLS ARE DECORATED WITH BEAUTIFUL STATUES”</p> -</div> - -<div><h1><a id='inst'></a>INSTITUTIONS AND PUBLIC BUILDINGS</h1></div> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='58' id='Page_58'></span></p> - -<p class='pindent'><a id='plac'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Places of Interest</span></span>: A walk or drive round -Arcady will reveal many points of interest to the -traveler. The groves and dells are decorated -with beautiful statues, among which may be -noticed Venus, Eros, Psyche, Adonis, Lothario, -Dulcinea, Byron, Mrs. Browning, and lovers of -all times and ages.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Around the corner there is a little church with -a chime of wedding bells.</p> - -<hr class='tbk119'/> - -<p class='pindent'><a id='post'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Post-Office</span></span>: The post-office is in the heart -of an old hollow oak tree at the corner of Lovers’ -Lane and Great Joy Street. It is always much -used, but on St. Valentine’s Day the accommodations -are quite inadequate.</p> - -<p class='pindent'><a id='exch'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Heart Exchange</span></span>: The Heart Exchange is a time-honored institution, -and a circulating library of hearts is -patronized by summer girls and college youths. -The Poet’s Corner (corner of Grub Street and -Maiden Lane) is always a crowded spot, and -the Photograph Galleries are well patronized.</p> - -<div class='blockquote0r9'> - -<div class='poetry-container' style=''><div class='lgp'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line0'>   THE INTERCEPTED VALENTINE</p> -<p class='line0'><span class='pageno' title='62' id='Page_62'></span></p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line0'>Little Bo-peep, will you be mine?</p> -<p class='line0'>I want you for my Valentine.</p> -<p class='line0'>You are my choice of all the girls,</p> -<p class='line0'>With your blushing cheeks and your fluttering curls,</p> -<p class='line0'>With your ribbons gay and your kirtle neat,</p> -<p class='line0'>None other is so fair and sweet.</p> -<p class='line0'>Little Bo-peep, let’s run away,</p> -<p class='line0'>And marry each other on Midsummer Day;</p> -<p class='line0'>And ever to you I’ll be fond and true.</p> -<p class='line0'>                    Your faithful Valentine,</p> -<p class='line0'>                                  Little Boy Blue.</p> -</div></div> <!-- end poetry block --><!-- end rend --> - -</div> - -<hr class='tbk120'/> - -<p class='pindent'><a id='bank'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>Banks</span></span>: There are many banks. One of the -best known is the bank on which the wild thyme -grows, and another almost equally noted is the -bank on which the moonlight slept so sweetly -in Jessica’s time.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>There is a Rainy-Day Bank, much patronized -by thrifty young Lovers.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Every day is Bank Holiday in Arcady.</p> - -<hr class='tbk121'/> - -<p class='pindent'><a id='hosp'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>The Hospital</span></span>: The hospital is a fine up-to-date -building, for the benefit of lovesick swains. -It is situated on the corner of Heartbreak -Avenue and Despair Street, and is in charge -of skilled medical men and well-trained nurses.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Special wards are provided for the moonstruck, -and padded cells for Swains suffering from -Love’s delirium, or those frantic Lovers who have -been bitten by the Green-Eyed Monster.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Emergency Specialists provide first aid to -the smitten, and Anatomical Experts attend -those who have had their heads turned, or who -have fallen over head and ears in love; while -clever Oculists look after those whom Love -has made blind, or whose eyes are in a fine frenzy -rolling.</p> - -<hr class='tbk122'/> - -<p class='pindent'><a id='weat'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>The Weather Bureau</span></span>: The weather bureau -in Arcady is a most unreliable affair.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>If a frown cloud his lady’s face, the sign to -the Lover is: “Fair and Slightly Cooler.”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>If he fail in any attention she expected, the sign -may be read: “About this time expect a frost.”</p> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='63' id='Page_63'></span></p> - -<div class='figcenter'> -<img src='images/i073.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0018' style='width:425px;height:auto;'/> -<p class='caption'>WEATHER BUREAU<br/>“FAIR AND SLIGHTLY COOLER”</p> -</div> - -<hr class='tbk123'/> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='65' id='Page_65'></span></p> - -<p class='pindent'><a id='camp'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>The Campo Santo</span></span>: The Campo Santo is a -most romantic and enjoyable spot. From -earliest times it has been the habit of Lovers -to wander through a graveyard—and the -cemetery in Arcady so abounds in romantic -memories that it is an Elysium in itself. The -graves are kept green of such historic lovers as -Paris and Helen, Paolo and Francesca, Hero -and Leander; while the monument of Romeo -and Juliet is a veritable shrine and is always -decked with fresh flowers.</p> - -<hr class='tbk124'/> - -<p class='pindent'><a id='hall'></a><span class='sc'><span style='font-size:larger'>The Hall of Fame</span></span>: Arcady never tires of -honoring the memory of her eminent citizens.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Aside from the tombstones in the Campo -Santo and the statues in the Public Gardens, -there are Monuments in the Hall of Fame that -again perpetuate the memory of departed Heroes -and Heroines of Romance.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>A tablet in bas-relief shows the despairing -Huguenot Lovers, while next it stands a sculptured -group of “Darby and Joan.”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>The lovely Pastoral Work, “Corydon and -Phyllis,” is opposite the equally charming piece, -“Strephon and Chloe.”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Fair Margaret and Sweet William sleep in -effigy, and noted Lovers of all climes and ages -are represented.</p> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='67' id='Page_67'></span><h1>BALLADE OF ARCADY</h1></div> - -<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'>Oh, Life sings in a joyous strain</p> -<p class='line'>  When Cupid holds our hearts in fee;</p> -<p class='line'>The days such happiness contain,</p> -<p class='line'>  The nights bring merry revelry.</p> -<p class='line'>  Our souls are tuned to highest key,</p> -<p class='line'>Our hearts from joy know not surcease;—</p> -<p class='line'>  Yet this one truth comes home to me,</p> -<p class='line'>The dearest gift of Love is Peace.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>When many roguish smiles enchain,</p> -<p class='line'>  When many voices chime in glee,</p> -<p class='line'>An interest in them all I feign,</p> -<p class='line'>  And each the fairest seems to be.</p> -<p class='line'>  But one I seek all earnestly,</p> -<p class='line'>As Jason sought the Golden Fleece,</p> -<p class='line'>  Whose heart would fain agree with me,</p> -<p class='line'>The dearest gift of Love is Peace.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>My fond quest has not been in vain,</p> -<p class='line'>  Shyly she listened to my plea;</p> -<p class='line'>And Cupid, peeping at us twain,</p> -<p class='line'>  Smiled as I knelt on bended knee.</p> -<p class='line'>  From gay enchantments now I’m free,</p> -<p class='line'>I feel their trifling charms decrease,</p> -<p class='line'>  From all their blandishments I flee,</p> -<p class='line'>The dearest gift of Love is Peace.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>            L’ENVOI</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>Sweetheart, we’ve done with coquetry,</p> -<p class='line'>  With coy flirtation and caprice;</p> -<p class='line'>All these are past,—and now we see</p> -<p class='line'>  The dearest gift of Love is Peace.</p> -</div></div> <!-- end rend --> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='68' id='Page_68'></span><h1>AMUSEMENTS</h1></div> - -<p class='pindent'>The Mayday Plaisance is a large Amusement -Park situated on Good Times Square.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>This is frequented by light-hearted and frivolous-minded -young Arcadians, who enjoy the -amusements provided.</p> - -<hr class='tbk125'/> - -<p class='pindent'>There is a Captive Aeroplane in the Seventh -Heaven, which makes flights every half-hour. -The stay in the Seventh Heaven is necessarily -short, but enthusiastic Lovers go often.</p> - -<hr class='tbk126'/> - -<p class='pindent'>The Descent Into the Inferno is another -diversion, patronized by intense or quick-tempered -pairs.</p> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='69' id='Page_69'></span></p> - -<div class='figcenter'> -<img src='images/i079.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0019' style='width:425px;height:auto;'/> -<p class='caption'>“THE MAYDAY PLAISANCE IS A LARGE AMUSEMENT PARK”</p> -</div> - -<p class='pindent'>The Well of Truth is an interesting feature.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Looking down into its crystal-clear depths, -Lovers learn the truth about each other. This -often causes much merriment, or the reverse. -(On the whole it is a dangerous pastime.)</p> - -<hr class='tbk127'/> - -<p class='pindent'>Joy Rides are usually clandestine and secret. -They often end disastrously, but this is part -of the fun. Any vehicle may be used and any -speed maintained. Oftenest it is a slow, merely -moving crawl, but again it may be a break-neck -dash. Joy Rides have been popular in Arcady -for many centuries. Some have been immortalized -in Song and Story. Robert Browning’s -“Last Ride Together” is a stirring tale of a -Joy Ride. See also “The Ride of Lochinvar” -and “The Young Lady of Niger.”</p> - -<hr class='tbk128'/> - -<p class='pindent'>Bands of Serenaders are often heard in the -Mayday Plaisance. These are of troubadour -effect and sing sad or tender love songs to the -accompaniment of such instruments as lutes, -guitars, bassoons, etc. The audience (in pairs) -are ensconced in vine-hung balconies and thus -enjoy the appropriate music.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Dreamland is a part of the Mayday Plaisance, -and here young lovers may indulge in -fairest Day-dreams.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Dream Interpreters are here, who are skilled -in interpreting Love’s Young Dream.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>One may choose to have a Midsummer-Night’s -Dream, or he may dream that he dwelt in Marble -Halls, and, if waking is a pain, he may dream -again. Or, if Love’s Dream is o’er, he may ask -to have a change come o’er the spirit of his -Dream.</p> - -<hr class='tbk129'/> - -<p class='pindent'>Another diversion is the Illusion known as -the Bridal Veil. This fools many.</p> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='73' id='Page_73'></span></p> - -<div class='figcenter'> -<img src='images/i083.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0020' style='width:325px;height:auto;'/> -<p class='caption'>A SERENADER</p> -</div> - -<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line' style='margin-top:1.5em;font-size:1.2em;font-weight:bold;'><a id='olds'></a>THE OLD STORY</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>Tonight I met Rose,</p> -<p class='line'>  So it’s all up with Polly.</p> -<p class='line'>She bewitches the beaux,</p> -<p class='line'>And tonight I met Rose;</p> -<p class='line'>Now who would suppose</p> -<p class='line'>  <span class='it'>I’d</span> be caught by such folly?</p> -<p class='line'>But tonight I met Rose,</p> -<p class='line'>  So it’s all up with Polly.</p> -</div></div> <!-- end rend --> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='75' id='Page_75'></span><h1>LANGUAGE</h1></div> - -<p class='pindent'>For those who wish to derive the greatest -possible pleasure from a visit to Arcady, some -acquaintance with the Language of Love is indispensable. -This can best be acquired by a -careful study of poetry and romantic novels, -and about four hours’ practise every day. -(“The Lover’s Phrase Book” is a useful little -treatise, as it gives four thousand terms of endearment, -alphabetically arranged, and is small -enough to be carried in the pocket, for ready -reference, in case of love at first sight.)</p> - -<p class='pindent'>The Language of Love is largely composed of -adjectives and expletives.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Hyperbole and other flowery figures of speech -abound.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>It is also peculiarly rich in idioms, most of -which are generally unintelligible, being made -up by those who use them.</p> - -<hr class='tbk130'/> - -<p class='pindent'>The beginner usually thus learns the first -principles of conjugation.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>First Person, I love. This is a joy and a -revelation and he is the happiest man on earth.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Second Person, Thou lovest. This completes -his rapture and he is in Heaven.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Third Person, He loves. This is known as -the Tertium Quid and casts the beginner into -the depths of Hades.</p> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='76' id='Page_76'></span><h1>SOME ARCADIAN BROMIDIOMS</h1></div> - -<p class='pindent'>“When did you first begin to love me?”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“Do you love me as much as ever?”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“You don’t love me any more.”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“I never loved any girl but you.”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“Oh, I thought I loved him, but now I know -it wasn’t really love.”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“They think they’re happy, but they don’t -know what love means,—as we do.”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“Do you really think I’m pretty?”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“I don’t see why you love me.”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“Nobody in all the world ever loved as we -do.”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“How did you come to love me in the first -place?”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“Would you forgive me anything?”</p> - -<div><h1>EXERCISE FOR THE LANGUAGE STUDENT</h1></div> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='77' id='Page_77'></span></p> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:left;margin-left:5em;margin-top:2em;'>A VERY PRETTY QUARREL</p> - -<div class='blockquote'> - -<div class='poetry-container' style=''><div class='lgp'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>—Tell me you love me, pretty poppet</p> -<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>She</span>—I love you more than you love me!</p> -<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>—Oh, no! Excuse me, my own moppet;</p> -<p class='line0'>       But truly, sweet, that cannot be!</p> -</div></div> <!-- end poetry block --><!-- end rend --> - -</div> - -<div class='blockquote'> - -<div class='poetry-container' style=''><div class='lgp'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>She</span>—What cannot be?</p> -<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>— That you <span class='it'>could</span> love me</p> -<p class='line0'>       More or as much as I love you.</p> -<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>She</span>—Ah, so you set yourself above me?</p> -</div></div> <!-- end poetry block --><!-- end rend --> - -</div> - -<div class='blockquote'> - -<div class='poetry-container' style=''><div class='lgp'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>—No, no! not that!</p> -<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>She</span>— Oh, yes, you do!</p> -</div></div> <!-- end poetry block --><!-- end rend --> - -</div> - -<div class='blockquote'> - -<div class='poetry-container' style=''><div class='lgp'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>—Now do be reasonable, dearie.</p> -<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>She</span>— I will be, sir, if you’ll allow</p> -<p class='line0'>    I love you best.</p> -<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>— You make me weary!</p> -<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>She</span>—Well, just admit it, anyhow.</p> -</div></div> <!-- end poetry block --><!-- end rend --> - -</div> - -<div class='blockquote'> - -<div class='poetry-container' style=''><div class='lgp'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>—I won’t!</p> -<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>She</span>— If you <span class='it'>did</span> love me best, dear,</p> -<p class='line0'>       You’d say whatever I might ask,</p> -<p class='line0'>    <span class='it'>Because</span> I ask it.</p> -<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>— Chuck the rest, dear;</p> -<p class='line0'>      You’ve set me now an easy task.</p> -</div></div> <!-- end poetry block --><!-- end rend --> - -</div> - -<div class='blockquote'> - -<div class='poetry-container' style=''><div class='lgp'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>She</span>—I love you best! Is not that so, love?</p> -<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>— It is; and thus we meet the test</p> -<p class='line0'>      I say what you command, you know, love,</p> -<p class='line0'>        Only because <span class='it'>I</span> love <span class='it'>you</span> best!</p> -</div></div> <!-- end poetry block --><!-- end rend --> - -</div> - -<div class='blockquote'> - -<div class='poetry-container' style=''><div class='lgp'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>She</span>—You horrid thing!</p> -<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>— Why, what now, Janet?</p> -<p class='line0'>      I said just what you asked me to!</p> -<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>She</span>—You’re mean and cruel!</p> -<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>— You began it!</p> -<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>She</span>— I didn’t! You did!</p> -<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>— No; ’twas you!</p> -</div></div> <!-- end poetry block --><!-- end rend --> - -</div> - -<div class='blockquote'> - -<div class='poetry-container' style=''><div class='lgp'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>—Come, dearie, stop this silly snarling;</p> -<p class='line0'>      You <span class='it'>do</span> love most, I spoke in jest;</p> -<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>She</span>—No, no, <span class='it'>your</span> love is greatest, darling;</p> -<p class='line0'><span class='sc'>He</span>— No, my sweetheart, <span class='it'>you</span> love <span class='it'>me</span> best!</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line0'>    (<span class='it'>Repeat ad lib. D. C. al fine</span>)</p> -</div></div> <!-- end poetry block --><!-- end rend --> - -</div> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='79' id='Page_79'></span><h1>DEGREES OF LOVE</h1></div> - -<table id='tab3' summary='' class='center'> -<colgroup> -<col span='1' style='width: 6em;'/> -<col span='1' style='width: 6em;'/> -<col span='1' style='width: 1em;'/> -</colgroup> -<tr><td class='tab3c1 tdStyle2'>Positive:</td><td class='tab3c2 tdStyle2'>My Own!</td><td class='tab3c3 tdStyle2'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab3c1 tdStyle2'>Comparative:</td><td class='tab3c2 tdStyle2'>My Owner!</td><td class='tab3c3 tdStyle2'></td></tr> -<tr><td class='tab3c1 tdStyle2'>Superlative:</td><td class='tab3c2 tdStyle2'>My Ownest!</td><td class='tab3c3 tdStyle2'></td></tr> -</table> - -<div><h1 class='nobreak'><a id='def'></a>DEFINITIONS</h1></div> - -<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'>Forever: until tomorrow.</p> -<p class='line'>Never: until tomorrow.</p> -<p class='line'>Yes: no.</p> -<p class='line'>No: yes.</p> -<p class='line'>Keepsake: any worthless piece of property.</p> -<p class='line'>Absence: a heart stimulant.</p> -<p class='line'>Alone: (for one) misery.</p> -<p class='line'>Alone: (for two) joy.</p> -<p class='line'>X X X: kisses.</p> -<p class='line'>o o o: kisses.</p> -</div></div> <!-- end rend --> - -<div><h1><a id='thes'></a>THE SPELLING LESSON</h1></div> - -<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'>  When Venus said: “Spell <span class='it'>no</span> for me,”</p> -<p class='line'>“N-O,” Dan Cupid wrote with glee,</p> -<p class='line'>  And smiled at his success;</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>“Ah, child,” said Venus, laughing low,</p> -<p class='line'>“We women do not spell it so,</p> -<p class='line'>  We spell it Y-E-S.”</p> -</div></div> <!-- end rend --> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='80' id='Page_80'></span><h1>LOVE IN ARCADY</h1></div> - -<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'>What to us is time or space,</p> -<p class='line'>Hours of absence, days of grace;</p> -<p class='line'>  As we rule and reign alone</p> -<p class='line'>  In a kingdom of our own?</p> -<p class='line'>Love like ours is up to date,</p> -<p class='line'>Sneers at fortune, conquers Fate;</p> -<p class='line'>  Makes the loves of early times</p> -<p class='line'>  Look like three bright, shiny dimes.</p> -<p class='line'>Couldn’t we give cards and spades</p> -<p class='line'>To historic lovers’ shades!</p> -<p class='line'>  Easily our love can beat</p> -<p class='line'>  That of Faust and Marguerite.</p> -<p class='line'>Heloise and Abelard</p> -<p class='line'>Stooped to tricks that we’d discard;</p> -<p class='line'>  Orpheus and Eurydice</p> -<p class='line'>  Only knew a simple way;</p> -<p class='line'>Launcelot and Guinevere</p> -<p class='line'>Wondering would our love-songs hear,</p> -<p class='line'>  And a few things we might show</p> -<p class='line'>  Juliet and Romeo.</p> -<p class='line'>Hero we’d give pointers to,</p> -<p class='line'>Teach Leander how to woo.</p> -<p class='line'>  I could coach Semiramis,</p> -<p class='line'>  Trojan Helen teach to kiss.</p> -<p class='line'>You’d teach Dante and Petrarch,</p> -<p class='line'>Distance Cleopatra’s Mark.</p> -<p class='line'>  Oh, the loves of bygone days</p> -<p class='line'>  Were not up to modern ways!</p> -</div></div> <!-- end rend --> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='81' id='Page_81'></span><h1>INSENSIBILITY</h1></div> - -<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'>They tell me that the day is fair,</p> -<p class='line'>With blossoms springing everywhere;</p> -<p class='line'>I do not know, I cannot say,</p> -<p class='line'>For thou, my love, art far away.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>They tell me that the birds sing sweet,</p> -<p class='line'>That brooklets ripple at my feet;</p> -<p class='line'>I do not know, I cannot hear,</p> -<p class='line'>For thou, my love, art nowhere near.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>They tell me that the sky is blue,</p> -<p class='line'>The hills take on a purple hue;</p> -<p class='line'>I do not know, I cannot see,</p> -<p class='line'>For thou, my love, art not with me.</p> -</div></div> <!-- end rend --> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='82' id='Page_82'></span><h1><a id='biog'></a>BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH OF CUPID</h1></div> - -<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'>Ever so many years ago,</p> -<p class='line'>When Cupid was quite young, you know,</p> -<p class='line'>There were no schools at all, and so,</p> -<p class='line'>  Athirst for information,</p> -<p class='line'>Each day the funny little chap</p> -<p class='line'>Would climb up in Dame Venus’ lap,</p> -<p class='line'>And study from a book or map</p> -<p class='line'>  To get his education.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>He traced in his Geography</p> -<p class='line'>The Primrose Path to Arcady;</p> -<p class='line'>He bounded Agapemone,</p> -<p class='line'>  And Flowery Fields Elysian.</p> -<p class='line'>Then, his Arithmetic begun,</p> -<p class='line'>He learned that one and one make one,</p> -<p class='line'>That one from two leaves simply none,</p> -<p class='line'>  And Love abhors division.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>From Botany he learned to know</p> -<p class='line'>The value of the mistletoe,</p> -<p class='line'>And why a rose is cherished so,</p> -<p class='line'>  Even when it is faded.</p> -<p class='line'>Rhetoric taught him how to say</p> -<p class='line'>Fair speeches in a pretty way;</p> -<p class='line'>And if a lass should murmur “Nay,”</p> -<p class='line'>  How she must be persuaded.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>On History’s thrilling page he met</p> -<p class='line'>With Romeo and Juliet,</p> -<p class='line'>Brave Aucassin and Nicolette,</p> -<p class='line'>  And other hearts devoted.</p> -<p class='line'>Then in Astronomy he found</p> -<p class='line'>What ’tis that makes the world go round,</p> -<p class='line'>And why the moon is so renowned,</p> -<p class='line'>  And shooting stars are noted.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>In Grammar Cupid had to say</p> -<p class='line'>“I love, thou lov’st, he loves,” each day,</p> -<p class='line'>And learn of hearts declined, that they</p> -<p class='line'>  Can still be conjugated.</p> -<p class='line'>He studied the Industrial Arts,</p> -<p class='line'>Became adept at mending hearts,</p> -<p class='line'>Right skilfully he fashioned darts,</p> -<p class='line'>  And wondrous love-knots plaited.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>A Magic course he had to take,</p> -<p class='line'>And for sad hearts that ache or break</p> -<p class='line'>Love-philters strange he learned to make</p> -<p class='line'>  From musk and myrrh and myrtle.</p> -<p class='line'>He studied deeply souls that yearned,</p> -<p class='line'>Investigated hearts that burned,</p> -<p class='line'>And all the tricks and habits learned</p> -<p class='line'>  Of doves, both ring and turtle.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>And so Dan Cupid is no fool,</p> -<p class='line'>But he’s well versed in love and rule,</p> -<p class='line'>Although he never went to school</p> -<p class='line'>  And never went to college.</p> -<p class='line'>He’s blind, and yet the rogue can see</p> -<p class='line'>A thousand times as well as we;</p> -<p class='line'>And that’s how Cupid comes to be</p> -<p class='line'>  A Paragon of Knowledge.</p> -</div></div> <!-- end rend --> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='84' id='Page_84'></span><h1>POLITICAL NOTES</h1></div> - -<p class='pindent'>Arcady is an Absolute Monarchy. It is -under Home Rule, and Home is where the -Heart is.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Each citizen is a King or Queen, and rules -one subject.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Any Monarch may be deposed suddenly and -supplanted by another. Beside being a Monarch -each citizen is a slave, and thus the balance -of power is preserved.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>The Declaration of Dependence is signed by -all good Arcadians.</p> - -<div><h1 class='nobreak'><a id='laws'></a>ARCADIAN LAWS</h1></div> - -<p class='pindent'>Be sure you’re right then lose your head. -A fool and his money are soon married. -A little debutante is a dangerous thing. -Proposals make cowards of us all. -There’s no fool like a bold fool. -The longest way round is the sweetest way home. -One good kiss deserves another. -’Tis love that makes the man come round. -Kisses speak louder than words. -People who live in glass houses shouldn’t hold hands. -The woman who deliberates is won. -Where there’s a will there’s a wedding.</p> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='85' id='Page_85'></span><h1>COSTUMES</h1></div> - -<p class='pindent'>There is a tradition of Arcadian simplicity in -dress, but it is not always observed. The men, -unless Poets, are often most careful dressers, -and the women deck themselves in whatever -garb they deem most attractive to men.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>White muslin with blue ribbons is a popular -costume, and “some sort of white, shimmering -stuff” is much used for gowns.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Some women are clever enough to please the -men by wearing all black or all white, and the -hats are invariably large black ones or broad-leafed, -rose-decked straws.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Sunshades, fans, floating scarfs, and many -coy adjuncts or fripperies of dress are seen, -and flowers are much worn or carried.</p> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='86' id='Page_86'></span><h1><a id='then'></a>THEN AND NOW</h1></div> - -<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'>Oh, would I had lived in Arcadian days,</p> -<p class='line'>When maidens had not such extravagant ways,</p> -<p class='line'>          When Daphne and Doris</p> -<p class='line'>          And Chloe and Chloris</p> -<p class='line'>Would laugh with delight o’er a ribbon of blue</p> -<p class='line'>Or a glittering buckle to wear on a shoe.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>But the girl of today cares nothing at all</p> -<p class='line'>For a trivial gift that is simple or small;</p> -<p class='line'>          And Ethel and Bessie</p> -<p class='line'>          And Gertrude and Jessie</p> -<p class='line'>Will only approve of the presents I’ve brought</p> -<p class='line'>If I spend (and I <span class='it'>shall</span>!) ten times more than I ought.</p> -</div></div> <!-- end rend --> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='87' id='Page_87'></span><h1>WALKS</h1></div> - -<p class='pindent'>Delightful walks abound in Arcady and -its environs.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>If unaccustomed to its devious ways, it is -perhaps better to engage the services of an -experienced Guide, which may be had for a -song.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Nature Lovers enjoy the walk out on the old -Romany Road, across the Field of Four-Leafed -Clover toward the Forest of Arden.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>A more Sentimental Journey is along the -Primrose Way, up Primrose Hill, and on, beyond -the Night, across the Day, thus following -the Course of True Love. Though this never -runs smooth, it is often attempted by young -Lovers, who sometimes persevere along the way -and sometimes get sidetracked.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>To Friends’ Shipyard is a pleasant stroll for -an idle summer day. Here may be seen the -Sailor laddies making knots. True lover’s knots -may be bought here and carried away as -souvenirs.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Another attractive walk is along Wall Street. -A delightful wall, full of nooks and crannies -and overhung with blossoming vines, runs all -along this street. At the corner of Moonshine -Avenue is a beautiful monument representing -Pyramus and Thisbe.</p> - -<hr class='tbk131'/> - -<p class='pindent'>A pleasant short ramble is along Amourette -Avenue, past the Cosy Corners, to a Bower of -Roses by Bendemeer’s Stream. The stream -may be crossed by the Rustic Bridges or by the -Stepping Stones, both being equally romantic.</p> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='89' id='Page_89'></span></p> - -<div class='figcenter'> -<img src='images/i099.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0021' style='width:500px;height:auto;'/> -<p class='caption'>“TRUE LOVER’S KNOTS MAY BE BOUGHT HERE”</p> -</div> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='91' id='Page_91'></span><h1><a id='oldv'></a>OLD VALENTINES</h1></div> - -<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'>How rapidly Time shifts the scene.</p> -<p class='line'>  Again it is St. Cupid’s day,</p> -<p class='line'>And I must send to my Rosine</p> -<p class='line'>  A gorgeous valentine bouquet.</p> -<p class='line'>  Last year I sent the same to May—</p> -<p class='line'>Heigh-ho! I’ve led a blithe career—</p> -<p class='line'>  They’d make a rather long array,</p> -<p class='line'>My valentines of yester-year.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>In years beginning with 18—</p> -<p class='line'>  I was unfettered, free, and gay</p> -<p class='line'>Each maiden seemed to me a queen,</p> -<p class='line'>  And to each one my court I’d pay.</p> -<p class='line'>  Now I’m engaged. Ah, well-away!</p> -<p class='line'>Rosina <span class='it'>is</span> a perfect dear,</p> -<p class='line'>  But I would better not display</p> -<p class='line'>My valentines of yester-year.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>No memories shall come between</p> -<p class='line'>  My love and me. And I’ll essay</p> -<p class='line'>To keep her life calm and serene,</p> -<p class='line'>  And love her when she’s old and gray:</p> -<p class='line'>  Her lightest wish I will obey,</p> -<p class='line'>But still—I hope she’ll never hear</p> -<p class='line'>  Those verses that I wrote in play,</p> -<p class='line'>My valentines of yester-year.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>          L’ENVOI</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>Cupid, my secrets ne’er betray,</p> -<p class='line'>  Let me not realize my fear;</p> -<p class='line'>And may they be destroyed, I pray,</p> -<p class='line'>  My valentines of yester-year.</p> -</div></div> <!-- end rend --> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='93' id='Page_93'></span><h1>BUSINESS SECTION</h1></div> - -<p class='pindent'>The Business Section of Arcady is on Wise -Acre Square, just South of Wall Street. Here -may be found the Great Heart Trust, the Unbounded -Trust Company, and the offices of -the Trust Her Not Association. These Companies -issue United States Bonds of Matrimony -upon application.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>The Court of Appeals and the Supreme Court -are busy places, and in their courtyards sweethearts -may be seen courting at any time during -business hours.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>They receive and negotiate Sealed Proposals -and Bids and draw up Marriage contracts.</p> - -<hr class='tbk132'/> - -<p class='pindent'>In the Flat Irony Building are the offices of -the Love Insurance Company, the Arcady -Ideal Estate Company, and other such organizations, -whose advertisements may be found -at the end of this volume.</p> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='94' id='Page_94'></span><h1>IT HAPPENED IN ARCADY</h1></div> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1.5em;'><span style='font-size:smaller'>THE GREAT HEART TRUST</span></p> - -<p class='noindent'><span style='float:left; clear: left; margin:0 0.1em 0 0; padding:0; line-height: 1.0em; font-size: 200%;'>“W</span>hat is the matter, Kiddums?” said -Dame Venus, as Cupid entered her -boudoir, with his blue ribbon untied -and limply dragging behind him, and his eyes -shining through big tears, like bluebirds taking -a bath.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“Mother, I’m a ruined man,” and Cupid -flung himself into his own little chair, with a -Delsarte gesture expressive of deepest dejection.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“What now, what now, my child?” gently -inquired his beautiful parent, holding her hand-mirror -a little to one side, that she might better -perceive her troubled offspring.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“Why, just this. Some of those fools of -finance have organized a Great Heart Trust.”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“Oh, Cupid, not really! Then your occupation -is indeed gone! They have taken the -very hearts out of your mouth!”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“Yes, Mother; and aside from the loss of -my business, just think how horrid it is to commercialize -it so! Why, I went to their office -to make sure the report was true, and there -they were, those horrible magnets,—or whatever -they call them,—huddled round a ticker, -and yelling out to one another such things as -these: ‘Loyal Hearts preferred. Chicago making -bold advance; sharp dealings noticed. Colorado -Springs Hearts failed to rally; feeling -weak and generally depressed; later, showed a -slight reaction. Spinsters, no demand.’ I don’t -know what it all means, I’m sure; but I see my -finish, and I may as well break my arrows and -unstring my bow.”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>With a Delsarte gesture of vindictiveness -and despair, Cupid doubled up his rosy, dimpled -knee and snapped an arrow across it, throwing -the pieces on the floor. Then he began to -unstring his beautiful, curved bow.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Venus looked sympathetically at her only -son.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“Perhaps,” she began, “it isn’t as bad as you -think, dear. Perhaps,—”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“Now, isn’t that just like a woman!” exclaimed -Cupid; his round pink cheeks growing -rounder and pinker as he stormed on. “I -just guess, Mother, if you had been down to -the Heart Exchange and had heard and seen -what I did, you wouldn’t say, ‘Perhaps and -perhaps.’ Why, I strolled over to listen to two -of the magnets talking. One man said there -was a corner in the matrimonial market and -the other said he was too visionary, for that -market wasn’t at all affected by the Heart -Trust. He said it was only a question of a deal -in futures. I don’t know what they mean by -such talk as that.”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“I’m sure I don’t either, Cupid,” said Venus, -laying down her mirror; for she had begun to -realize that the question was serious and she -must give it her undivided attention, which is -a difficult matter for a real Venus. “Tell me -more, Son.”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“Well, I looked over a man’s shoulder, and -he was reading from another of those ticker -things. He was a horrid man, not the kind I -like to deal with, at all. He read things like -this: ‘Summer Girls. Sensational Advances. -No Reserve. Public Wary. Actresses not well -supported, but best of financial backing; good -figures.’”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“But, Cupid, dearie, you’re not interested in -hearts like those, I hope.”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“Now, Mother, you know perfectly well that -a man in my business position is obliged to deal -in all sorts of hearts. And I’ve always had -a monopoly of the market. Now the Great -Heart Trust has spoiled my trade entirely.” -He broke another arrow across his knee and his -quiver seemed to have transferred itself to his -rosy lips.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“But, Son,” began Venus, hopefully, -“doesn’t this affect city hearts only? Can’t -you go to the country, and in the flowery fields -and lovers’ lanes find all the business you can -attend to?”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“No, Mother,” and the curly head drooped -like a dandelion at midday. “This Great -Heart Trust is universal. I stole a look at one -of their papers this morning, and one column -was headed ‘Rural Reports.’ Then it said: -‘Country depressed, dull; moving slowly. Domestic -Products quiet and well-behaved; in -great demand. Southern peach crop very fine; -quickly snapped up.’ I can’t understand all -their queer terms, but I suppose I shall have -to learn them.”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“Yes, Cupid, do that. Meet them on their -own ground and fight them with their own -weapons. You know more about hearts than -they do; think of your long experience.”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“Oh, Mother! Imagine me occupying a seat -in the Heart Exchange! Why, I’d have to wear -a ticker ribbon instead of my blue sash. No, -I never could learn their language. Why, they -talk like this: ‘Coquettes’ hearts, Common -stock; a declining movement shows a hardening -tendency, but the stock is unsteady, with exciting -effects.’ And not only our own people are -concerned, but they quote prices on Foreign -Hearts, and, Mother, the rates are almost prohibitive. -Then one report said, ‘Fiancées’ -Hearts; do not fear local pressure!’ Now what -can such talk mean? Then it said: ‘Boston. -(See Ice Trust.)’ No, Mother, it’s no use; I -can’t understand their jargon.”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“But, Cupid, you can learn. The age is -progressive and you must keep up with it. -You know yourself that for some time your -methods of dealing in hearts have been considered -old-fashioned. Now you must try more -up-to-date ways.”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“But, Mother, some reports are so sad. -Their paper said today that there were many -heart failures reported. Why, one heart broke -at sixty—during a period of depression! And -then they quoted ‘Hearts Bowed Down.’ That -seemed to be a falling market, with heavy sales. -Several hearts were lost or stolen, and altogether -it made me feel panic-stricken. And what do -you think, they quoted ‘Husbands’ as inclined -to firmness, but showing bearish indications! -No, it’s all out of my line. I know my business, -I’ve practised it many, many years, and -I’m too old to learn new tricks.”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Venus looked at her son in much the same way -that any mother looks at her child when she -knows she can help him out of his difficulty.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>“You dear, silly child,” she said, “you’re -needlessly alarmed. Every trust must have -its day, but they all fail sooner or later. Bide -your time, and after a while you’ll find that the -trust is all over, and you can carry on the game -in your own sweet way. I have heard of some -kind of a queer machine,—I think it’s called -a ‘trust buster,’—invented just on purpose to -break up these trusts. I’ll get you one. Now -kiss me and run away and play.”</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Venus picked up her mirror again and sat -gazing at her beautiful nose in rapt admiration -of that classic member.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Cupid cheered up considerably. “Mother, -you’re a blessing,” he said, as he kissed the tip -of her ear. “But,” he added, as he ran away to -chase butterflies, “after this trust-buster thing -has done its smashing, <span class='it'>won’t</span> I have a time mending -all the broken hearts!”</p> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='101' id='Page_101'></span><h1>CALAMITOUS CATASTROPHE</h1></div> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:1em;'>DIRE DESTRUCTION AND DEPLORABLE DISASTER</p> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:1em;'>DESOLATION AND DEVASTATION CAUSED BY AN APPALLING AIRQUAKE</p> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:1em;'>THOUSANDS OF CASTLES IN THE AIR OVERTHROWN AND DEMOLISHED</p> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:1.5em;'>(<span class='it'>From our own correspondent</span>)</p> - -<p class='noindent'><span style='float:left; clear: left; margin:0 0.1em 0 0; padding:0; line-height: 1.0em; font-size: 200%;'>A</span>RCADY: A terrible airquake has -wrought havoc in the densely populated -atmosphere above this locality. -Without a word of warning, noble and beautiful -castles in the air went toppling to their ruin.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Though difficult to get details in these first -hours of confusion and distress, it is known -that the sumptuous air castle built by Claude -Melnotte for the Lady of Lyons is entirely demolished. -The devastated area is widespread, and -from the most magnificent dream of marble halls -to the humblest vision of love in a cottage, all -of the <span class='it'>Chateaux en Espagne</span> have fallen. It is -feared that many loves have been lost in the -ruins. Even now the agents of the Love Insurance -Company are on the spot estimating the -casualties. Many of the survivors declare they -will rebuild at the earliest possible moment. -Indeed, it may safely be predicted that new and -more elaborate and beautiful castles in the air -will soon take the place of the old ones. Among -the débris of ruined hopes and shattered ideals, -pathetic sights may be seen. Here a broken -resolution sticks up through the mass of fragments, -there a broken promise; and everywhere -are fallen idols and upset plans. The explorer -is menaced by pits of boiling imagination and -fine frenzies rolling. But relief supplies are -already being received. A ship, with Youth -at the helm and Pleasure at the prow, has just -come into the harbor, bringing a cargo of fresh -hopes and such stuff as dreams are made of.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Owing to the prevalence of mirage it is difficult -to give definite statistics; but the pot of -gold at the end of the rainbow is still visible, -and the sanguine, light-hearted people have -already begun to rear anew their castles in -the air.</p> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:right;margin-right:2em;margin-top:1em;'><span class='it'>From the Arcadian News</span></p> - -<div><span class='pageno' title='103' id='Page_103'></span><h1>ADVERTISEMENTS</h1></div> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:1em;font-size:1.1em;'>PERSONALLY CONDUCTED HONEYMOON TOURS</p> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:1em;'><span style='font-size:smaller'>BILLINGS & COO, PROPRIETORS</span></p> - -<p class='pindent'>Why trouble yourself with the details of -traveling and its paraphernalia, at a time when -your heart, mind, and soul are all absorbed in -other matters?</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Why descend to the sordid buying of tickets -and checking of luggage, when your spirit is -soaring in realms of Empyrean bliss?</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Why puzzle over the baffling intricacies of a -time-table, when you can be looking into the -lustrous orbs of your Bride?</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Why suffer the irritating Emergencies of -Travel, when your way may be made a path of -Roses by embarking on one of our Personally -Conducted Wedding Trips?</p> - -<p class='pindent'>All Routes to suit all Temperaments!</p> - -<p class='pindent'>The Totally Oblivious are piloted safely -through a hackneyed and uneventful Trip.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>The Fearfully Embarrassed are shielded and -screened from unpleasant observation.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>The Ostentatiously Happy are paraded in -public and brought into delightful prominence -on trains and in hotels.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>The Blissfully Enraptured are conducted to -Sentimental Spots and on Romantic Rambles.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>One of D. Cupid’s Own Guides, in Blue Ribbon -Uniform, takes entire charge of each Happy -Couple and attends to all details of the Trip. -At the request of the Bride he will write letters -home to her mother from every stopping-place -or will, at the order of the Bridegroom, extend -his Letters of Credit or telegraph his bank for -more funds.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>These Tours are entirely <span class='it'>de luxe</span>. The routes -are strewn with roses all the way. Sunshiny -and balmy weather guaranteed. Not one bored -moment, or Money Refunded.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Write at once for Prospectus.</p> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:right;margin-right:10em;margin-bottom:0.5em;'><span class='sc'>Billings & Coo</span></p> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:right;margin-right:7em;'><span class='sc'>The Bridal Path</span></p> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:right;margin-right:2em;'><span class='sc'>Orange Blossom Park</span></p> - -<hr class='tbk133'/> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:1em;font-size:1.1em;'>MUTUAL-BENEFIT LOVE-INSURANCE COMPANY</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Lovers, Attention! Is your love insured? -Other loves are dead; your love may die. You -insure your life, your house, your barns. Why -not insure your love?</p> - -<p class='pindent'>This company is incorporated under the laws -of the United States, and its affairs are conducted -by a board of directors, including some -of our best known poets and novelists, and it -is approved in all respects by the board of underpaid -writers.</p> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='sc'>Membership</span>: Any lover between the ages of -eighteen and seventy, of sound body and (otherwise) -sound mind, in good health (excepting -such maladies as are traceable to the fact of -his or her being in love) and of temperate habits, -whose occupation comes within certain classifications -hereinafter specified, shall be eligible -to membership.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Policies are issued only upon healthy, honest -loves subscribed and sworn to by both parties -interested therein, and guaranteed to be not -like other loves.</p> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='sc'>Prohibited Risks</span>: Citizens of Chicago, members -of the theatrical profession, students of -co-educational colleges, naval heroes, and summer -girls are not eligible to membership, and -their applications will not be considered by this -company.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Applicants must answer truthfully and without -evasion the following questions:</p> - -<p class='pindent'>State name, including all nicknames or pet -names used during the love to be insured.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>How long have you been in love?</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Was it love at first sight?</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Are you (1) handsome, (2) good-looking, or -(3) plain?</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Are you susceptible to flattery?</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Are you of a jealous disposition?</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Have you ever had Heart-disease? Palpitation? -Melancholia? Lover-complaint? Blues? -Heart-failure?</p> - -<p class='pindent'>What is your occupation? (Specify this -definitely. If a business man, state if lady -typewriters are employed, and if so, how many -and of what appearance. Append photographs -if possible.)</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Where do you spend your vacations?</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Are there widows there?</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Any applicant answering these questions satisfactorily -is entitled to a policy in our company -that shall provide indemnity for the death of a -love which, though it may now seem deathless, -is often subject to mortal injury in this -uncertain life of ours.</p> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:right;margin-right:10em;margin-bottom:0.5em;'><span class='sc'>Dan Cupid</span>, <span class='it'>Agent</span></p> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:right;margin-right:5em;margin-bottom:0.5em;'><span class='sc'>No. 7 Primrose Path</span></p> - -<hr class='tbk134'/> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='107' id='Page_107'></span></p> - -<div class='figcenter'> -<img src='images/i117.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0022' style='width:425px;height:auto;'/> -<p class='caption'>“THE BLISSFULLY ENRAPTURED ARE CONDUCTED TO SENTIMENTAL SPOTS”</p> -</div> - -<hr class='tbk135'/> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:1em;font-size:1.1em;'>AIR CASTLES UP TO DATE</p> - -<div class='lgc' style=''> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'>All the Modern Improvements</p> -<p class='line'>Spanish Building and Loan Association</p> -<p class='line'>Home is where the heart is!</p> -<p class='line'>Own your own home!</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>Why live in a mundane flat when you can have</p> -<p class='line'>a Castle in the Air?</p> -</div> <!-- end rend --> - -<div class='lgc' style=''> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'>At a small outlay you may secure a beautiful</p> -<p class='line'>site and a large and commodious dwelling</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>All styles to suit all tastes!</p> -</div> <!-- end rend --> - -<div class='lgc' style=''> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'>Love-in-a-Cottage Type. Rose-embowered Porch</p> -<p class='line'>Dimity-curtained Windows. Dream of</p> -<p class='line'>Marble Halls</p> -<p class='line'>Specially selected Vassals and Serfs. Ruined</p> -<p class='line'>Castle Effects</p> -<p class='line'>Ivy-hung Turrets. Secret Staircase to Tower</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'><span class='it'>Write for circulars and Prospectus</span></p> -</div> <!-- end rend --> - -<div class='lgc' style=''> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'>! ! ! A Few desirable plots for Sale on</p> -<p class='line'>Lover’s Lane! ! !</p> -</div> <!-- end rend --> - -<hr class='tbk136'/> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:1em;font-size:1.1em;'><span class='it'>La Romanza!</span></p> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:1em;'>The magnificent apartment house, corner Arden Avenue and Paradise Alley</p> - -<p class='pindent'>This apartment air castle is built and finished -with a careful attention to detail, which -combines Eighteenth-century Romance with -Nineteenth-century convenience. Among its -advantages over older air castles are:</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Express Elevator to Seventh Heaven</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Trolley Line to Arcady</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Dream Interpreter Call and United States -Valentine Chute on every floor</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Lighted by an Automatic Electric Moon</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Surrounded by sturdy oaks and clinging -vines.</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Owing to the recent depreciations in Ideal -Estate you may be interested in</p> - -<div class='lgc' style=''> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'><span class='it'>La Romanza</span>!!!</p> -<p class='line'><span class='it'>Write for particulars and terms to</span></p> -</div> <!-- end rend --> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:right;margin-right:11em;margin-bottom:0.5em;'><span class='sc'>Dan Cupid</span></p> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:right;margin-right:5em;margin-bottom:0.5em;'><span class='it'>Ideal Estate Agent</span></p> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:right;margin-right:2em;margin-bottom:0.5em;'><span class='sc'>No. 7 Primrose Path</span></p> - -<hr class='tbk137'/> - -<h2><span class='pageno' title='113' id='Page_113'></span><a id='advert'></a>ADVERTISEMENT</h2> - -<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';' --> -<p class='line'>There’s a new heart awaiting a tenant,</p> -<p class='line'>  To whom shall its portals unclose?</p> -<p class='line'>Dan Cupid is floating his pennant</p> -<p class='line'>  At The Sign of the Lily and Rose.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>This heart is not offered for selling,</p> -<p class='line'>  The owner all freely bestows</p> -<p class='line'>A hostelry fit for Love’s dwelling,</p> -<p class='line'>  At The Sign of the Lily and Rose.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>There’s a happy smile caught in her dimple,</p> -<p class='line'>  That only a debutante shows;</p> -<p class='line'>And chatter is guileless and simple</p> -<p class='line'>  At the Sign of the Lily and Rose.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>She’s pleased with the veriest trifles,</p> -<p class='line'>  No artful bewitchment she knows;</p> -<p class='line'>But Cupid a sigh or two stifles</p> -<p class='line'>  At The Sign of the Lily and Rose.</p> -<p class='line'> </p> -<p class='line'>And, indeed, the poor fellow has reason</p> -<p class='line'>  As he thinks of the long string of beaux</p> -<p class='line'>Who’ll successively stop for a season</p> -<p class='line'>  At The Sign of the Lily and Rose.</p> -</div></div> <!-- end rend --> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='pageno' title='114' id='Page_114'></span></p> - -<div class='figcenter'> -<img src='images/i124.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0023' style='width:375px;height:auto;'/> -<p class='caption'>LOVE PROOF WINDOW SCREENS</p> -</div> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:1em;'>ADVERTISEMENT</p> - -<p class='pindent'>Love-Proof Window Screens fill a long-felt want. -Easily adjusted. Non-penetrable. With these -screens in place, Love cannot fly out of the -window when Poverty comes in at the Door.</p> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:right;margin-right:8em;margin-bottom:0.5em;'><span class='sc'>Truelove & Co.</span></p> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:right;margin-right:8em;margin-bottom:0.5em;'><span class='it'>Sole Agents</span></p> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:right;margin-right:2em;margin-bottom:0.5em;'><span class='sc'>77 Marrion Street</span></p> - -<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-top:1.5em;margin-bottom:1em;'>ADVERTISEMENT</p> - -<p class='pindent'><span class='sc'>Doctor Iris.</span> Diagnostician for all blindness -or eye troubles caused by Love. 24 C -Street.</p> - -<div class='figcenter'> -<img src='images/i126.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0024' style='width:550px;height:auto;'/> -</div> - -<p class='pindent'><a id='endp'></a></p> - -<div class='figcenter'> -<a href='images/endpaperf.jpg'><img src='images/endpaper.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0025' style='width:500px;height:auto;'/></a> -<p class='caption'>MAP OF <span class='it'>THE TOWN OF</span> <span style='font-size:larger'>ARCADY</span> <span class='it'>Surveyed by George Hood</span></p> -</div> - -<hr class='tbk138'/> - -<p class='line' style='margin-top:2em;font-size:1.1em;'><span class='bold'>Transcriber’s Notes:</span></p> - -<p class='noindent'>Punctuation and type-setting errors have been corrected without note. -Hyphenation and archaic spellings have been retained as in the original.</p> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Lover's Baedeker and Guide to -Arcady, by Carolyn Wells - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOVER'S BAEDEKER, GUIDE TO ARCADY *** - -***** This file should be named 51189-h.htm or 51189-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/1/1/8/51189/ - -Produced by Mardi Desjardins & the online Distributed -Proofreaders Canada team (http://www.pgdpcanada.net) from -page images generously made available by the HathiTrust -Digital Library (https://www.hathitrust.org/digital_library) -and Google Books. - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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