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- margin-left: 50%; - margin-right: 0%; -} - -/* Easy Epub/Dropcaps Without illustration */ - -.drop-capw { - text-indent: 0em; -} -.drop-capw:first-letter -{ - float: left; - margin: 0.15em 0.1em 0em 0em; - font-size: 250%; - line-height:0.85em; -} -@media handheld -{ - .drop-capw:first-letter - { - float: none; - margin: 0; - font-size: 100%; - } -} - -.fauxcap /* Used without block element */ -{ - font-size: 250%; - vertical-align: -40%; -} -@media handheld -{ - .fauxcap - { - float: none; - margin: 0; - font-size: 100%; - } -} - - </style> - </head> -<body> - - -<pre> - -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Plays, vol. 1, by John Vanbrugh - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: Plays, vol. 1 - -Author: John Vanbrugh - -Release Date: February 2, 2016 [EBook #51113] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PLAYS, VOL. 1 *** - - - - -Produced by Richard Tonsing, Mark C. Orton and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -file was produced from images generously made available -by The Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries) - - - - - - -</pre> - -<div class="tnotes covernote"> - <p>The cover image was created by the transcriber and is placed in the public domain.</p> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 409px;"> -<img src="images/frontispiece.jpg" width="409" height="700" alt="" /> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[Pg 1]</a></span></p> -<div id="titlepage"> -<div class="chapter"></div> -<hr class="chap" /> - - - - -<h1>PLAYS,</h1> - - -<p>WRITTEN BY</p> - -<p class="xlarge">Sir <span class="smcap">John Vanbrugh</span>.</p> - -<p class="large">IN TWO VOLUMES.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Volume</span> the <span class="smcap">First</span>.</p> - -<p>CONTAINING, -</p> - - -<ul><li><a href="#THE">The <span class="smcap">Relapse</span>; Or, <span class="smcap">Virtue</span> in <span class="smcap">Danger</span>.</a></li> - -<li><a href="#THE3">The <span class="smcap">Provok'd Wife</span>, with a new Scene.</a></li> - -<li><a href="#ESOP4"><span class="smcap">Æsop</span>, in two <span class="smcap">Parts</span>.</a></li> - -<li><a href="#THE5">The <span class="smcap">False Friend</span>.</a></li> -</ul> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>LONDON:</p> - -<p class="small">Printed for <span class="smcap">J. Rivington</span>, <span class="smcap">T. Longman</span>, -<span class="smcap">T. Lowndes</span>, <span class="smcap">S. Caslon</span>, <span class="smcap">C. Corbett</span>, -<span class="smcap">S. Bladon</span>, <span class="smcap">W. Nicoll</span>, <span class="smcap">T. Evans</span>, -and <span class="smcap">M. Waller</span>.</p> - -<p class="small">MDCCLXXVI. -</p> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[Pg 2]</a><br /><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</a></span></p> -<div class="chapter"></div> -<hr class="chap" /> - - - - -<h2><a name="AN" id="AN">AN</a><br /> - -ACCOUNT<br /> - -OF THE<br /> - -LIFE and WRITINGS<br /> - -OF THE<br /> - -AUTHOR.</h2> - - -<p class="drop-capw"><span class="smcap">Sir</span> <em>John Vanbrugh</em>, an eminent dramatic -Writer, Son of Mr. <em>Giles Vanbrugh</em>, of -<em>London</em>, Merchant, was born in the Parish of -<em>St. Stephen</em>'s, <em>Wallbrook</em>, in 1666. The Family -of <em>Vanbrugh</em> were for many Years Merchants -of great Credit and Reputation, at -<em>Antwerp</em>, and came into <em>England</em> in the reign -of Queen <em>Elizabeth</em>, on account of the Persecution -for Religion.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>John</em> received a very liberal Education, -and at the Age of nineteen, was sent by his -Father to <em>France</em>, where he continued some<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</a></span> -Years: He became very eminent for his -Poetry, to which he discovered an early propension. -And, pity it is, that this agreeable -Writer had not discovered his Wit, without -any Mixture of that Licentiousness, which, -tho' it pleased, tended to corrupt the Audience.</p> - -<p><cite>The Relapse</cite> was the first Play our Author -produced, but not the first he had written; -for he had at that Time by him, all the Scenes -of <cite>The Provok'd Wife</cite>; but being then doubtful -whether he should ever trust it to the -Stage, he flung it by, and thought no more -of it: Why the last written Play was first acted, -and for what Reason they were given to different -Stages, what follows will explain.</p> - -<p>Upon our Author's first Step into public -Life, when he was but an Ensign in the -Army, and had a Heart greatly above his -Income, he happened somewhere at his Winter -Quarters, upon a slender Acquaintance -with Sir <em>Thomas Skipwith</em>, to receive a particular -Obligation from him; and many Years -afterwards, when Sir <em>Thomas</em>'s Interest in a -Theatrical Patent (which he had a large -Share in, though he little concerned himself -in the Conduct of it) was rising but very -slowly, Sir <em>John</em> thought that to give it a lift -by a new Comedy, might be the handsomest<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</a></span> -Return he could make to those his former -Favours; accordingly he soon after finished -<cite>The Relapse, or, Virtue in Danger</cite>, which was -acted at the Theatre in <em>Drury-Lane</em>, in 1696, -with universal Applause.</p> - -<p>Upon the Success of <cite>The Relapse</cite>, the late -Lord <em>Hallifax</em>, who was a favourer of <em>Betterton</em>'s -Company, having formerly heard -some Scenes of <cite>The Provok'd Wife</cite> read to him, -engaged Sir <em>John Vanbrugh</em> to revise it, and -give it to that Company. This was a Request -not to be refused to so eminent a Patron -of the Muses as Lord <em>Hallifax</em>, who was -equally a Friend and Admirer of Sir <em>John</em> -himself; nor was Sir <em>Thomas Skipwith</em> in the -least disobliged by so reasonable a Compliance. -<cite>The Provok'd Wife</cite> was accordingly -acted at the Theatre in <em>Lincoln's Inn-Fields</em> in -1697, with great Success.</p> - -<p>Tho' this Play met with so favourable a -Reception, yet it was not without its Enemies: -People of the graver Sort blamed the -looseness of the Scenes, and the unguarded -freedom of the Dialect; and indeed Sir <em>John</em> -himself appears to have been sensible of the -immorality of his Scenes; for in the Year -1725, when this Play was revived, he thought -proper to substitute a new Scene in the fourth -Act, in place of another, in which, in the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</a></span> -wantonness of his Wit, he had made a Rake -talk like a Rake, in the Habit of a Clergyman; -to avoid which Offence, he put the -same Debauchee into the Undress of a Woman -of Quality; by which means the Follies -he exposed in the Petticoat, appeared to the -Audience innocent and entertaining; which -new Scene is now for the first Time printed -at the End of the Play.</p> - -<p>Soon after the Success of <cite>The Provok'd Wife</cite>, -Sir <em>John</em> produced the Comedy of <cite>Esop</cite>, in -two Parts, which was acted at the Theatre-Royal -in <em>Drury Lane</em>, in 1697. This was -originally written in <em>French</em> by Mr. <em>Boursaut</em>, -about six Years before; but the Scenes of Sir -<em>Polydorus Hogstye</em>, the Players, and the Beau, -were added by our Author. This Play contains -a great deal of general Satire, and useful -Morality; notwithstanding which, it met -with but a cold Reception from the Audience, -and its run ended in about nine Days. -This seemed the more surprizing, as the -<em>French</em> Comedy was played to crowded Audiences -for a Month together. The little Success -this Piece met with on the <em>English</em> Stage, -cannot be better accounted for than in the -Words of Mr. <em>Cibber</em>, who, speaking of this -Play, makes the following Observation: -"The Character that delivers Precepts of -Wisdom, is in some sort severe upon the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</a></span> -Auditor, for shewing him one wiser than -himself; but when Folly is his Object, he -applauds himself for being wiser than the -Coxcomb he laughs at; and who is not -more pleased with an Occasion to commend, -than to accuse himself?"</p> - -<p>The next Play our Author wrote, was <cite>The -False Friend</cite>, a Comedy, which was acted at -the Theatre-Royal in <em>Drury Lane</em>, in 1702.</p> - -<p>In 1703, Sir <em>John</em> formed a Project of -building a stately Theatre in the <em>Haymarket</em>, -for which he had interest enough to get a -Subscription of thirty Persons of Quality, at -one hundred Pounds each, in consideration -whereof, every Subscriber was for his own -Life to be admitted to whatever Entertainments -should be publicly performed there, -without any farther Payment for Entrance.</p> - -<p>In 1706, when this House was finished, -Mr. <em>Betterton</em> and his Co-partners, who then -acted at the Theatre in <em>Lincoln's Inn-Fields</em>, -dissolved their Agreement, and put themselves -under the direction of Sir <em>John Vanbrugh</em> -and Mr. <em>Congreve</em>, imagining, perhaps, -that the Conduct of two such eminent Authors -might give a more prosperous turn to -their Affairs; that the Plays it would now be -their interest to write for them, would soon<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span> -recover the Town to a true Taste, and be an -Advantage that no other Company could -hope for; and that till such Plays could be -written, the Grandeur of their House, as it -was a new spectacle, might allure the Crowd -to support them: But, if these were their -Views, they soon found their Dependance -upon them was too sanguine; for though Sir -<em>John</em> was a very expeditious Writer, yet Mr. -<em>Congreve</em> was too judicious to let any Thing -come unfinished from his Pen. Besides, every -proper Convenience of a good Theatre had -been sacrificed to shew the Audience a vast -triumphal Piece of Architecture, in which, -by Means of the spaciousness of the Dome, -plays could not be successfully represented, -because the Actors could not be distinctly -heard.</p> - -<p>Not long before this Time, the <em>Italian</em> -Opera began to steal into <em>England</em>, but in as -rude a Disguise as possible: notwithstanding -which, the new Monster pleased, though it -had neither Grace, Melody, nor Action, to -recommend it. To strike in therefore with -the prevailing Fashion, Sir <em>John</em> and Mr. -<em>Congreve</em> opened their New Theatre with a -translated Opera, set to <em>Italian</em> Music, called -<cite>The Triumph of Love</cite>; but it met with a very -cool Reception, being performed only three -Times—to thin Houses.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_9a" id="Page_9a">[Pg 9]</a></span></p> - -<p>Immediately upon the Failure of this Opera, -Sir <em>John Vanbrugh</em> brought on his Comedy, -called <cite>The Confederacy</cite>, taken, but very greatly -improved, from <cite>Les Bourgeoises à la Mode</cite>, of -Monsieur <em>D'Ancourt</em>. The Success of this -Play was not equal to its Merit; for it is -written with an uncommon Vein of Wit and -Humour; which plainly shews that the difficulty -of hearing, distinctly, in that large -Theatre, was no small Impediment to the -Applause that might have followed the same -Actors on any other Stage; and indeed every -Play acted there before the House was altered, -seemed to suffer greatly from the same -Inconvenience; for what few could plainly -hear, it was not likely many could applaud. -In a Word, the Prospect of Profits from this -Theatre was so very barren, that Mr. <em>Congreve</em>, -in a few Months, gave up his Share in -it wholly to Sir <em>John Vanbrugh</em>; who, as he -had a happier Talent of throwing the <em>English</em> -Spirit into his Translations, than any -other Author who had borrowed from them, -he in the same Season produced <cite>The Mistake</cite>, -a Comedy, taken from <cite>Le D'epit Amoureux</cite>, -of <em>Moliere</em>; and <cite>The Country House</cite>, a Farce, -translated from <em>The French</em>, which has been -acted at all the Theatres with general Applause.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_10a" id="Page_10a">[Pg 10]</a></span></p> - -<p>Sir <em>John</em> soon afterwards, thoroughly tired -of Theatrical Affairs, determined to get rid -of his Patent on the best Terms he could; -he accordingly made an Offer to Mr. <em>Owen -Swiney</em> of his House, Clothes, and Scenes, -with the Queen's Licence to employ them, -upon Payment of the Rent of five Pounds -upon every acting Day, and not to exceed -700 <em>l.</em> in the Year; with which Proposal Mr. -<em>Swiney</em> soon complied, and managed that -Stage for some Time after.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>John</em> is not a little to be admired for -his Spirit, and readiness in producing Plays -so fast upon the Neck of one another; for, -notwithstanding his quick Dispatch, there is -a clear and lively Simplicity in his Wit, that -neither wants the Ornaments of Learning, -nor has the least Smell of the Lamp, as the -Face of a fine Woman, with her Locks -loose about her, may then be in its greatest -Beauty; such were his Productions, only -adorned by Nature. And there is, besides, -something so catching to the Ear, and so -easy to the Memory, in all he writ, that it -has been observed by all the Actors of those -Times, the Stile of no Author whatsoever -gave their Memory less Trouble, than that of -Sir <em>John Vanbrugh</em>. And indeed his Wit -and Humour was so little laboured, that his -most entertaining Scenes seem to be no more<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_11a" id="Page_11a">[Pg 11]</a></span> -than his common Conversation committed -to Paper. As his Conceptions were so full -of Life and Humour, it is not much to be -wondered at, if his Muse should be sometimes -too warm to wait the slow Pace of -Judgment, or to endure the Drudgery of -forming a regular Fable to them.</p> - -<p>Besides the Plays already mentioned, Sir -<em>John</em> left behind him Part of a Comedy, -called <cite>A Journey to London</cite>, which has since -been made an entire Play of by Mr. <em>Cibber</em>, -and called <cite>The Provoked Husband</cite>, and was -acted at the Theatre-Royal, in <em>Drury Lane</em>, -in 1727, for twenty-eight Nights successively, -with universal Applause.</p> - -<p>In 1703, he was appointed Clarencieux -King of Arms, and in 1706 was commissioned -by Queen <em>Anne</em> to carry the Habit -and Ensigns of the Order of the Garter to -King <em>George</em> the First, then at <em>Hanover</em>; he -was likewise Comptroller-General of the -Board of Works, and Surveyor of the Gardens -and Waters. In the Year 1714, he -received the Order of Knighthood; and in -1719 he married <em>Henrietta Maria</em>, Daughter -of Colonel <em>Yarborough</em>, of <em>Haslington</em>, near -<em>York</em>, by whom he had three Children; -<em>Charles</em> the eldest was killed at the Battle of -<em>Fontenoy</em>, the other two died young.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_12a" id="Page_12a">[Pg 12]</a></span></p> - -<p>Sir <em>John</em> died at his House in <em>Scotland-Yard</em>, -the 26th of <em>March</em>, 1726, and is interred -in the Family Vault, under the Church -of <em>St. Stephen</em>'s, <em>Wallbrook</em>.</p> -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/wingding-014.jpg" width="700" height="640" alt="" /> -</div> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_i" id="Page_i">[Pg i]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-015.jpg" width="700" height="72" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h2><a name="THE" id="THE">THE</a><br /> - -RELAPSE:<br /> - -OR,<br /> - -VIRTUE in DANGER:<br /> - -A<br /> - -COMEDY.</h2> - - -<p class="directcenter">Being the Sequel of <cite>The Fool in Fashion</cite>. -</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-015.jpg" width="700" height="72" alt="" /> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_ii" id="Page_ii">[Pg ii]</a><br /><a name="Page_iii" id="Page_iii">[Pg iii]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-017.jpg" width="700" height="85" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="THE2" id="THE2">THE</a><br /> - -PREFACE.</h3> - - -<p class="drop-capw"><span class="smcap">To</span> go about to excuse half the Defects this -abortive Brat is come into the World with, -would be to provoke the Town with a long -useless Preface, when it is, I doubt, sufficiently -soured already by a tedious Play.</p> - -<p>I do therefore (with all the Humility of a repenting -Sinner) confess, it wants every thing——but -length; and in that, I hope, the severest Critick -will be pleas'd to acknowledge I have not been -wanting. But my Modesty will sure atone for -every thing, when the World shall know it is so -great, I am even to this Day insensible of those two -shining Graces in the Play (which some part of the -Town is pleas'd to compliment me with) Blasphemy -and Bawdy.</p> - -<p>For my part, I cannot find them out: If there -were any obscene Expressions upon the Stage, here -they are in the Print; for I have dealt fairly, I -have not sunk a Syllable, that cou'd (though by -racking of Mysteries) be rang'd under that Head; -and yet I believe with a steady Faith, there is not -one Woman of a real Reputation in Town, but<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_iv" id="Page_iv">[Pg iv]</a></span> -when she has read it impartially over in her Closet, -will find it so innocent, she will think it no Affront -to her Prayer-Book, to lay it upon the same Shelf. -So to them (with all manner of Deference) I entirely -refer my cause; and I am confident they -will justify me against those Pretenders to Good-manners, -who at the same time have so little -Respect for the Ladies, they wou'd extract a bawdy -Jest from an Ejaculation, to put them out of -countenance. But I expect to have these well-bred -Persons always my Enemies, since I am sure I shall -never write any thing lewd enough to make them -my Friends.</p> - -<p>As for the Saints (your thorough-pac'd ones, I -mean, with skrew'd Faces and wry Mouths) I -despair of them; for they are Friends to nobody: -They love nothing but their Altars and themselves; -they have too much Zeal to have any Charity; -they make Debauches in Piety, as Sinners do in -Wine; and are as quarrelsome in their Religion, -as other People are in their Drink: so I hope nobody -will mind what they say. But if any Man -(with flat plod Shoes, a little Band, greasy Hair, -and a dirty Face, who is wiser than I, at the Expence -of being forty Years older), happens to be -offended at a Story of a Cock and a Bull, and a -Priest and a Bull-dog, I beg his pardon with all -my Heart; which, I hope, I shall obtain, by -eating my Words, and making this publick Recantation. -I do therefore, for his Satisfaction, acknowledge -I lyed, when I said, they never quit -their hold; for in that little time I have liv'd in the -World, I thank God I have seen them forc'd to it -more than once; but next time I will speak with -more Caution and Truth, and only say, they have -very good Teeth.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_v" id="Page_v">[Pg v]</a></span></p> - -<p>If I have offended any honest Gentleman of the -Town, whose Friendship or good Word is worth -the having, I am very sorry for it; I hope they will -correct me as gently as they can, when they consider -I have had no other Design, in running a -very great Risk, than to divert (if possible) some -part of their Spleen, in spite of their Wives and -their Taxes.</p> - -<p>One Word more about the Bawdy, and I have -done. I own the first Night this thing was acted, -some Indecencies had like to have happened; but -it was not my Fault.</p> - -<p>The fine Gentleman of the Play, drinking his -Mistress's Health in <em>Nants</em> Brandy, from six in the -Morning to the time he waddled on upon the Stage -in the Evening, had toasted himself up to such a -pitch of Vigour, I confess I once gave <em>Amanda</em> for -gone, and am since (with all due respect to Mrs. -<em>Rogers</em>) very sorry she escaped; for I am confident -a certain Lady (let no one take it to herself that is -handsome) who highly blames the Play, for the -Barrenness of the Conclusion, would then have allowed -it a very natural Close.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_vi" id="Page_vi">[Pg vi]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-020.jpg" width="700" height="75" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="PROLOGUE2" id="PROLOGUE2">PROLOGUE.</a></h3> - - -<p class="directcenter">Spoken by <em>Miss</em> <span class="smcap">Cross</span>. -</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em><span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">L</span>adies</span>, this Play in too much haste was writ,</em><br /></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_vii" id="Page_vii">[Pg vii]</a></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To be o'ercharg'd with either Plot or Wit;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>'Twas got, conceiv'd, and born in six Weeks Space,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And Wit, you know, 's as slow in Growth——as Grace.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Sure it can ne'er be ripen'd to your Taste;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>I doubt 'twill prove our Author bred too fast:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>For mark 'em well, who with the Muses marry,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>They rarely do conceive, but they miscarry.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>'Tis the hard Fate of those who are big with Rhyme,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Still to be brought-to-bed before their Time.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Of our late Poets, Nature few has made;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The greatest part——are only so by Trade.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Still want of something brings the scribbling Fit;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>For want of Money some of 'em have writ,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And others do't, you see—for want of Wit.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Honour, they fancy, summons 'em to write,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>So out they lug in resty Nature's spight,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>As some of you spruce Beaux do—when you fight.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Yet let the Ebb of Wit be ne'er so low,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Some Glimpse of it a Man may hope to show,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Upon a Theme so ample——as a <span class="antiqua">Beau</span>.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>So, howsoe'er true Courage may decay,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Perhaps there's not one Smock-Face here to-day,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But's bold as <span class="antiqua">Cæsar</span>—to attack a Play.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Nay, what's yet more, with an undaunted Face,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To do the Thing with more heroick Grace,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>'Tis six to four y' attack the strongest Place.</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>You are such Hotspurs in this kind of Venture,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Where there's no Breach, just there you needs must enter.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But be advis'd——</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>E'en give the Hero and the Critique o'er,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>For Nature sent you on another score;</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>She formed her <span class="antiqua">Beau</span>, for nothing but her Whore.</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/wingding-021.jpg" width="700" height="456" alt="" /> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_viii" id="Page_viii">[Pg viii]</a></span></p> -<div class="chapter"></div> -<hr class="chap" /> - - - - -<h3><a name="Dramatis_Personae2" id="Dramatis_Personae2">Dramatis Personæ.</a></h3> - - -<div class="center"> -<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Dramatis Personæ"> - <tr> - <th colspan="2">MEN.</th> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>Sir <em>Novelty Fashion</em>, newly created Lord <em>Foppington</em>,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Cibber</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>Young <em>Fashion</em>, his Brother,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Kent</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Loveless</em>, Husband to <em>Amanda</em>,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Verbruggen</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Worthy</em>, a Gentleman of the Town,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Powel</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>Sir <em>Tunbelly Clumsey</em>, a Country Gentleman,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Bullock</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>Sir <em>John Friendly</em>, his Neighbour,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Mills</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Coupler</em>, a Matchmaker,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Johnson</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Bull</em>, Chaplain to Sir <em>Tunbelly</em>,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Simpson</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Syringe</em>, a Surgeon,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Haynes</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Lory</em>, Servant to Young <em>Fashion</em>,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Dogget</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>Shoemaker, Taylor, Perriwig-maker, </td> - <td>&c.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <th colspan="2">WOMEN.</th> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Amanda</em>, Wife to <em>Loveless</em>,</td> - <td>Mrs. <em>Rogers</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Berinthia</em>, her Cousin, a young Widow,</td> - <td>Mrs. <em>Verbruggen</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>Miss <em>Hoyden</em>, a great Fortune, Daughter to Sir <em>Tunbelly</em>,</td> - <td>Mrs. <em>Cross</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr><td align="left">Nurse, her Governant,</td><td align="left">Mrs. <em>Powel</em>.</td></tr> -</table></div> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span> -<img src="images/bar-023a.jpg" width="700" height="158" alt="" /> -</div> - -<p class="ph2">THE<br /> -RELAPSE;<br /> -OR,<br /> -VIRTUE in DANGER. -</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-023b.jpg" width="700" height="37" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="ACT_I_SCENE_I2" id="ACT_I_SCENE_I2"><em class="gesperrt">ACT</em> I. <em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em> I.</a></h3> - - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Loveless</span>, reading.</em> -</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">H</span>ow</span> true is that Philosophy which says<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Our Heaven is seated in our Minds!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Through all the roving Pleasures of my Youth,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">(Where Nights and Days seem all consum'd in Joy,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Where the false Face of Luxury<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Display'd such Charms,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">As might have shaken the most holy Hermit,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And made him totter at his Altar)<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I never knew one Moment's Peace like this.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Here—in this little soft Retreat,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">My thoughts unbent from all the Cares of Life,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Content with Fortune,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Eas'd from the grating Duties of Dependence,<br /></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span> -<span class="i0">From Envy free, Ambition under foot,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The raging Flame of wild destructive Lust<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Reduc'd to a warm pleasing Fire of lawful Love,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">My Life glides on, and all is well within.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Amanda</span>.</em> -</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Lov. <em>meeting her kindly.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">How does the happy Cause of my Content, my dear <em>Amanda</em>?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">You find me musing on my happy State,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And full of grateful Thoughts to Heaven, and you.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Aman.</em> Those grateful Offerings Heaven can't receive<br /></span> -<span class="i0">With more Delight than I do:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Would I cou'd share with it as well<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The Dispensations of its Bliss,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That I might search its choicest Favours out,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And shower 'em on your Head for ever.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Lov.</em> The largest Boons that Heaven thinks fit to grant<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To Things it has decreed shall crawl on Earth,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Are in the Gift of Woman form'd like you.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Perhaps when Time shall be no more,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">When the aspiring Soul shall take its Flight,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And drop this pond'rous Lump of Clay behind it,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">It may have Appetites we know not of,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And Pleasures as refin'd as its Desires—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But till that Day of Knowledge shall instruct me,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The utmost Blessing that my Thought can reach,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">[<em>Taking her in his Arms.</em>] Is folded in my Arms, and rooted in my Heart.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Aman.</em> There let it grow for ever.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Lov.</em> Well said, <em>Amanda</em>—let it be for ever.—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Wou'd Heaven grant that—<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Aman.</em> 'Twere all the Heaven I'd ask.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But we are clad in black Mortality,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And the dark Curtain of eternal Night<br /></span> -<span class="i0">At last must drop between us.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Lov.</em> It must: that mournful Separation we must see.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A bitter Pill it is to all; but doubles its ungrateful Taste,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">When Lovers are to swallow it;<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Aman.</em> Perhaps that Pain may only be my Lot,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">You possibly may be exempted from it;<br /></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span> -<span class="i0">Men find out softer ways to quench their Fires.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Lov.</em> Can you then doubt my Constancy, <em>Amanda</em>?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">You'll find 'tis built upon a steady Basis——<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The Rock of Reason now supports my Love,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">On which it stands so fix'd,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The rudest Hurricane of wild Desire<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Wou'd, like the Breath of a soft slumbering Babe,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Pass by, and never shake it.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Aman.</em> Yet still 'tis safer to avoid the Storm;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The strongest Vessels, if they put to Sea,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">May possibly be lost.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Wou'd I cou'd keep you here in this calm Port for ever!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Forgive the Weakness of a Woman,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I am uneasy at your going to stay so long in Town;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I know its false insinuating Pleasures;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I know the Force of its Delusions;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I know the Strength of its Attacks;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I know the weak Defence of Nature;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I know you are a Man—and I—a Wife.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Lov.</em> You know then all that needs to give you Rest,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For Wife's the strongest Claim that you can urge.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">When you would plead your Title to my Heart,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">On this you may depend; therefore be calm,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Banish your Fears, for they are Traitors to your Peace:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Beware of them, they are insinuating busy Things<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That gossip to and fro, and do a World of Mischief<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Where they come: But you shall soon be Mistress of 'em all,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I'll aid you with such Arms for their Destruction,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">They never shall erect their Heads again.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">You know the Business is indispensible, that obliges<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Me to go to <em>London</em>, and you have no Reason, that I<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Know of, to believe that I'm glad of the Occasion:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For my honest Conscience is my Witness,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I have found a due Succession of such Charms<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In my Retirement here with you,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I have never thrown one roving Thought that way;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But since, against my Will, I'm dragg'd once more<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To that uneasy Theatre of Noise,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I am resolv'd to make such use on't,<br /></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span> -<span class="i0">As shall convince you 'tis an old cast Mistress,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Who has been so lavish of her Favours,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">She's now grown Bankrupt of her Charms,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And has not one Allurement left to move me.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Aman.</em> Her Bow, I do believe, is grown so weak,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Her Arrows (at this distance) cannot hurt you,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But in approaching 'em you give 'em Strength:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The Dart that has not far to fly,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Will put the best of Armour to a dangerous Trial.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Lov.</em> That Trial past, and y'are at ease for ever;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">When you have seen the Helmet prov'd,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">You'll apprehend no more for him that wears it:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Therefore to put a lasting Period to your Fears,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I am resolv'd, this once, to launch into Temptation.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I'll give you an Essay of all my Virtues;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">My former boon Companions of the Bottle<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Shall fairly try what Charms are left in Wine:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I'll take my Place amongst them,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">They shall hem me in,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Sing Praises to their God, and drink his Glory;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Turn wild Enthusiasts for his sake,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And Beasts to do him Honour:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Whilst I, a stubborn Atheist,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Sullenly look on,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Without one reverend Glass to his Divinity.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That for my Temperance,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Then for my Constancy——<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Aman.</em> Ay, there take heed.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Lov.</em> Indeed the Danger's small.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Aman.</em> And yet my Fears are great.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Lov.</em> Why are you so timorous?<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Aman.</em> Because you are so bold.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Lov.</em> My Courage should disperse your Apprehensions.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Aman.</em> My Apprehensions should alarm your Courage.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Lov.</em> Fy, fy, <em>Amanda</em>, it is not kind thus to distrust me.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Aman.</em> And yet my Fears are founded on my Love.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Lov.</em> For if you can believe 'tis possible<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I shou'd again relapse to my past Follies,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I must appear to you a thing<br /></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span> -<span class="i0">Of such an undigested Composition,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That but to think of me with Inclination,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Wou'd be a Weakness in your Taste,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Your Virtue scarce cou'd answer.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Aman.</em> 'Twou'd be a Weakness in my Tongue,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">My Prudence cou'd not answer,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If I shou'd press you farther with my Fears;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I'll therefore trouble you no longer with 'em.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Lov.</em> Nor shall they trouble you much longer,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A little time shall shew you they were groundless;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">This Winter shall be the fiery Trial of my Virtue;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Which, when it once has past,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">You'll be convinc'd 'twas of no false Allay,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">There all your Cares will end—<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Aman.</em> Pray Heaven they may!<br /></span> -</div></div> - - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt Hand in Hand.</em></p> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>Whitehall.</em></h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Young Fashion</span>, <span class="antiqua">Lory</span>, and <span class="antiqua">Waterman</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Come, pay the Waterman, and take the Pormanteau.</p> - -<p><em>Lory.</em> Faith, Sir, I think the Waterman had as good -take the Portmanteau, and pay himself.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Why sure there's something left in't.</p> - -<p><em>Lory.</em> But a solitary old Waistcoat, upon my Honour, -Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Why, what's become of the blue Coat, -Sirrah?</p> - -<p><em>Lory.</em> Sir, 'twas eaten at <em>Gravesend</em>; the Reckoning -came to thirty Shillings, and your Privy-Purse was -worth but two Half-Crowns.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> 'Tis very well.</p> - -<p><em>Wat.</em> Pray, Master, will you please to dispatch me?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Ay, here a——Canst thou change me a -Guinea?</p> - -<p><em>Lory.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Good.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Wat.</em> Change a Guinea, Master! Ha, ha, your Honour's -pleas'd to compliment.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> I'gad I don't know how I shall pay thee -then, for I have nothing but Gold about me.</p> - -<p><em>Lory.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>]—Hum, hum.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> What dost thou expect, Friend?</p> - -<p><em>Wat.</em> Why, Master, so far against Wind and Tide, -is richly worth half a Piece.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Why, faith, I think thou art a good conscionable -Fellow. I'gad, I begin to have so good an -Opinion of thy Honesty, I care not if I leave my Portmanteau -with thee, till I send thee thy Money.</p> - -<p><em>Wat.</em> Ha! God bless your Honour; I should be as -willing to trust you, Master, but that you are, as a -Man may say, a Stranger to me, and these are nimble -Times; there are a great many Sharpers stirring. [<em>Taking -up the Portmanteau.</em>] Well, Master, when your Worship -sends the Money, your Portmanteau shall be forthcoming. -My Name's <em>Tugg</em>, my Wife keeps a Brandy-Shop -in <em>Drab-Ally</em> at <em>Wapping</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Very well; I'll send for't to-morrow.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Wat.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lory.</em> So—Now, Sir, I hope you'll own yourself a -happy Man, you have outliv'd all your Cares.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> How so, Sir?</p> - -<p><em>Lory.</em> Why you have nothing left to take care of.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Yes, Sirrah, I have myself and you to -take care of still.</p> - -<p><em>Lory.</em> Sir, if you cou'd but prevail with somebody else -to do that for you, I fancy we might both fare the better -for't.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Why, if thou canst tell me where to apply -myself, I have at present so little Money, and so much -Humility about me, I don't know but I may follow a -Fool's Advice.</p> - -<p><em>Lory.</em> Why then, Sir, your Fool advises you to lay aside -all Animosity, and apply to Sir <em>Novelty</em>, your elder Brother.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Damn my elder Brother.</p> - -<p><em>Lory.</em> With all my heart; but get him to redeem your -Annuity, however.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> My Annuity! 'Sdeath, he's such a Dog, -he would not give his Powder-Puff to redeem my Soul.</p> - -<p><em>Lory.</em> Look you, Sir, you must wheedle him, or you -must starve.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Look you, Sir, I will neither wheedle -him, nor starve.</p> - -<p><em>Lory.</em> Why? what will you do then?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> I'll go into the Army.</p> - -<p><em>Lory.</em> You can't take the Oaths; you are a Jacobite.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Thou may'st as well say I can't take Orders -because I'm an Atheist.</p> - -<p><em>Lory.</em> Sir, I ask your Pardon; I find I did not know -the Strength of your Conscience, so well as I did the -Weakness of your Purse.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Methinks, Sir, a Person of your Experience -should have known, that the Strength of the Conscience -proceeds from the Weakness of the Purse.</p> - -<p><em>Lory.</em> Sir, I am very glad to find you have a Conscience -able to take care of us, let it proceed from what it will; -but I desire you'll please to consider, that the Army -alone will be but a scanty Maintenance for a Person of -your Generosity (at least as Rents now are paid); I shall -see you stand in damnable need of some auxiliary Guineas -for your <em>menu Plaisirs</em>; I will therefore turn Fool -once more for your Service, and advise you to go directly -to your Brother.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Art thou then so impregnable a Blockhead, -to believe he'll help me with a Farthing?</p> - -<p><em>Lory.</em> Not if you treat him, <em>de haut en bas</em>, as you -use to do.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Why, how would'st have me treat him?</p> - -<p><em>Lory.</em> Like a Trout, tickle him.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> I can't flatter——</p> - -<p><em>Lory.</em> Can you starve?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Yes——</p> - -<p><em>Lory.</em> I can't; Good-by t'ye, Sir—</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Going.</em></p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Stay, thou wilt distract me. What -would'st thou have me to say to him?</p> - -<p><em>Lory.</em> Say nothing to him, apply yourself to his Favourites; -speak to his Perriwig, his Cravat, his Feather,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span> -his Snuff-box, and when you are well with them——desire -him to lend you a Thousand Pounds. I'll engage -you prosper.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> 'Sdeath and Furies! Why was that -Coxcomb thrust into the World before me? O Fortune—Fortune—thou -art a Bitch, by Gad——</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>A Dressing-Room</em>.</h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Lord <span class="antiqua">Foppington</span> in his Night-Gown.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> <span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">P</span>age</span>——</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Enter Page.</em></p> - -<p><em>Page.</em> Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Sir! Pray, Sir, do me the Favour to teach -your Tongue the Title the King has thought fit to honour -me with.</p> - -<p><em>Page.</em> I ask your Lordship's Pardon, my Lord.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> O, you can pronounce the Word then——I -thought it would have choak'd you——D'ye hear?</p> - -<p><em>Page.</em> My Lord.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Call La Varole, I wou'd dress—</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Page.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Solus.</em></p> - -<p>Well, 'tis an unspeakable Pleasure to be a Man of Quality——Strike -me dumb——My Lord——Your Lordship——My -Lord <em>Foppington</em>—<em>Ah! c'est quelque chose -de beau, que le Diable m'emporte</em>——</p> - -<p>Why the Ladies were ready to puke at me, whilst I -had nothing but Sir <em>Novelty</em> to recommend me to -'em——Sure whilst I was but a Knight, I was a very -nauseous Fellow——Well, 'tis Ten Thousand Pawnd -well given——stap my Vitals——</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">La Varole</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p>Me Lord, de Shoemaker, de Taylor, de Hosier, de -Sempstress, de Peru, be all ready, if your Lordship -please to dress.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> 'Tis well, admit 'em.</p> - -<p><em>La Var.</em> Hey, Messieurs, entrez.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Taylor</span>, <span class="antiqua">&c.</span></em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> So, Gentlemen, I hope you have all taken -pains to shew yourselves Masters in your Professions.</p> - -<p><em>Tayl.</em> I think I may presume to say, Sir——</p> - -<p><em>La Var.</em> My Lord——you Clawn you.</p> - -<p><em>Tayl.</em> Why, is he made a Lord?——My Lord, I ask -your Lordship's Pardon; my Lord, I hope, my Lord, -your Lordship will please to own, I have brought your -Lordship as accomplish'd a Suit of Clothes, as ever Peer -of <em>England</em> trode the Stage in, my Lord: Will your -Lordship please to try 'em now?</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Ay, but let my People dispose the Glasses -so, that I may see myself before and behind; for I love -to see myself all raund——</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Whilst he puts on his Clothes, enter <span class="antiqua">Young Fashion</span> -and <span class="antiqua">Lory</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Hey-dey, what the Devil have we here? -Sure my Gentleman's grown a Favourite at Court, he -has got so many People at his Levee.</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> Sir, these People come in order to make him a -Favourite at Court, they are to establish him with the -Ladies.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Good God! to what an Ebb of Taste -are Women fallen, that it shou'd be in the power of a -lac'd Coat to recommend a Gallant to 'em——</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> Sir, Taylors and Perriwig-makers are now become -the Bawds of the Nation, 'tis they debauch all the -Women.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Thou sayest true; for there's that Fop -now, has not by Nature wherewithal to move a Cook-maid, -and by that time these Fellows have done with -him, I'gad he shall melt down a Countess——But now -for my Reception, I engage it shall be as cold a one, as -a Courtier's to his Friend, who comes to put him in -mind of his Promise.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> <em>to his Taylor.</em>] Death and eternal Tartures! -Sir, I say the Packet's too high by a Foot.</p> - -<p><em>Tayl.</em> My Lord, if it had been an Inch lower, it would<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span> -not have held your Lordship's Pocket-Handkerchief.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Rat my Packet-Handkerchief! Have not -I a Page to carry it? You may make him a Packet up to -his Chin a purpose for it; but I will not have mine -come so near my Face.</p> - -<p><em>Tayl.</em> 'Tis not for me to dispute your Lordship's Fancy.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash. to Lory.</em>] His Lordship! <em>Lory</em>, did you observe -that?</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> Yes, Sir; I always thought 'twould end there. -Now, I hope, you'll have a little more Respect for him.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Respect! Damn him for a Coxcomb; -now has he ruin'd his Estate to buy a Title, that he -may be a Fool of the first Rate: But let's accost him——</p> - -<p><em>To Lord Fop.</em>] Brother, I'm your Humble Servant.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> O Lard, <em>Tam</em>; I did not expect you in -<em>England</em>: Brother, I am glad to see you——</p> - -<p><em>Turning to his Taylor.</em>] Look you, Sir. I shall never be -reconcil'd to this nauseous Packet; therefore pray get -me another Suit with all manner of Expedition, for this -is my eternal Aversion. Mrs. <em>Callicoe</em>, are not you of -my Mind?</p> - -<p><em>Semp.</em> O, directly, my Lord, it can never be too low—</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> You are passitively in the right on't, for -the Packet becomes no part of the Body but the Knee.</p> - -<p><em>Semp.</em> I hope your Lordship is pleas'd with your -Steenkirk.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> In love with it, stap my Vitals. Bring your -Bill, you shall be paid to-marrow—</p> - -<p><em>Semp.</em> I humbly thank your Honour—</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Semp.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Hark thee, Shoemaker, these Shoes a'n't -ugly, but they don't fit me.</p> - -<p><em>Shoe.</em> My Lord, my thinks they fit you very well.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> They hurt me just below the Instep.</p> - -<p><em>Shoe.</em> [<em>Feeling his Foot.</em>] My Lord, they don't hurt you -there.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> I tell thee, they pinch me execrably.</p> - -<p><em>Shoe.</em> My Lord, if they pinch you, I'll be bound to -be hang'd, that's all.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Why, wilt thou undertake to persuade me -I cannot feel?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Shoe.</em> Your Lordship may please to feel what you -think fit; but that Shoe does not hurt you—I think I -understand my Trade——</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Now by all that's great and powerful, thou -art an incomprehensible Coxcomb; but thou makest -good Shoes, and so I'll bear with thee.</p> - -<p><em>Shoe.</em> My Lord, I have work'd for half the People of -Quality in Town these Twenty Years; and 'tis very hard -I should not know when a Shoe hurts, and when it don't.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Well, pr'ythee, begone about thy Business.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Shoe.</em></p> - -<p>[<em>To the Hosier.</em>] Mr. <em>Mend Legs</em>, a Word with you; the -Calves of the Stockings are thicken'd a little too much. -They make my Legs look like a Chairman's——</p> - -<p><em>Mend.</em> My Lord, my thinks they look mighty well.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Ay, but you are not so good a Judge of -those things as I am, I have study'd them all my Life; -therefore pray let the next be the thickness of a Crawn-piece -less——[<em>Aside.</em>] If the Town takes notice my Legs -are fallen away, 'twill be attributed to the Violence of -some new Intrigue.</p> - -<p><em>To the Perriwig-maker.</em>] Come, Mr. <em>Foretop</em>, let me -see what you have done, and then the Fatigue of the -Morning will be over.</p> - -<p><em>Foretop.</em> My Lord, I have done what I defy any -Prince in <em>Europe</em> to out-do; I have made you a Perriwig -so long, and so full of Hair, it will serve you for a Hat -and Cloak in all Weathers.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Then thou hast made me thy Friend to -Eternity: Come, comb it out.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Well, <em>Lory</em>, What do'st think on't? A -very friendly Reception from a Brother after Three -Years Absence!</p> - -<p><em>Lory.</em> Why, Sir, 'tis your own Fault; we seldom care -for those that don't love what we love: if you wou'd -creep into his Heart, you must enter into his Pleasures—Here -you have stood ever since you came in, and have -not commended any one thing that belongs to him.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Nor never shall, while they belong to a -Coxcomb.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Lory.</em> Then, Sir, you must be content to pick a hungry -Bone.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> No, Sir, I'll crack it, and get to the -Marrow before I have done.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Gad's Curse! Mr. <em>Foretop</em>, you don't intend -to put this upon me for a full Perriwig?</p> - -<p><em>Fore.</em> Not a full one, my Lord! I don't know what -your Lordship may please to call a full one, but I have -cramm'd twenty Ounces of Hair into it.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> What it may be by Weight, Sir, I shall not -dispute; but by Tale, there are not nine Hairs on a side.</p> - -<p><em>Fore.</em> O Lord! O Lord! O Lord! Why, as God -shall judge me, your Honor's Side-Face is reduc'd to -the Tip of your Nose.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> My Side-Face may be in an Eclipse for -aught I know; but I'm sure my Full-Face is like the -Full-moon.</p> - -<p><em>Fore.</em> Heaven bless my Eye-sight——[<em>Rubbing his -Eyes.</em>] Sure I look thro' the wrong end of the Perspective; -for by my Faith, an't please your Honour, the -broadest place I see in your Face does not seem to me -to be two Inches diameter.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> If it did, it would just be two Inches too -broad; for a Perriwig to a Man, should be like a Mask -to a Woman, nothing should be seen but his Eyes—</p> - -<p><em>Fore.</em> My Lord, I have done; if you please to have -more Hair in your Wig, I'll put it in.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Passitively, yes.</p> - -<p><em>Fore.</em> Shall I take it back now, my Lord?</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> No: I'll wear it to-day, tho' it shew such -a manstrous pair of Cheeks, stap my Vitals, I shall be -taken for a Trumpeter.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Fore</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Now your People of Business are gone, -Brother, I hope I may obtain a quarter of an Hour's -Audience of you.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Faith, <em>Tam</em>, I must beg you'll excuse me -at this time, for I must away to the House of Lards -immediately; my Lady <em>Teaser</em>'s Case is to come on to-day, -and I would not be absent for the Salvation of -Mankind. Hey, <em>Page</em>! Is the Coach at the Door?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Page.</em> Yes, my Lord.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> You'll excuse me, Brother.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Going.</em></p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Shall you be back at Dinner?</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> As Gad shall jedge me, I can't tell; for -'tis passible I may dine with some of aur Hause at <em>Lacket</em>'s.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Shall I meet you there? for I must needs -talk with you.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> That, I'm afraid, mayn't be so praper; far -the Lards I commonly eat with, are a People of a nice -Conversation; and you know, <em>Tam</em>, your Education -has been a little at large: but if you'll stay here, you'll -find a Family Dinner. Hey, Fellow! What is there for -Dinner? There's Beef: I suppose my Brother will eat -Beef. Dear <em>Tam</em>, I'm glad to see thee in <em>England</em>, stap -my Vitals.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit, with his Equipage.</em></p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Hell and Furies, is this to be borne?</p> - -<p><em>Lory.</em> Faith, Sir, I cou'd almost have given him a -knock o' th' Pate myself.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> 'Tis enough, I will now shew you the -excess of my Passion by being very calm: Come, <em>Lory</em>, -lay your Loggerhead to mine, and in cool Blood let us -contrive his Destruction.</p> - -<p><em>Lory.</em> Here comes a Head, Sir, would contrive it -better than us both, if he wou'd but join in the Confederacy.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Coupler</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> By this Light, old <em>Coupler</em> alive still! -Why, how now, Matchmaker, art thou here still to -plague the World with Matrimony? You old Bawd, -how have you the Impudence to be hobbling out of -your Grave twenty Years after you are rotten!</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> When you begin to rot, Sirrah, you'll go off -like a Pippin, one Winter will send you to the Devil. -What Mischief brings you home again? Ha! You -young lascivious Rogue, you: Let me put my Hand into -your Bosom, Sirrah.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Stand off, old <em>Sodom</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Nay, pr'ythee now don't be so coy.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Keep your Hands to yourself, you old -Dog you, or I'll wring your Nose off.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Hast thou then been a Year in <em>Italy</em>, and -brought home a Fool at last? By my Conscience, the -young Fellows of this Age profit no more by their going -abroad, than they do by their going to Church. -Sirrah, Sirrah, if you are not hang'd before you come -to my Years, you'll know a Cock from a Hen. But -come, I'm still a Friend to thy Person, tho' I have a -Contempt of thy Understanding; and therefore I would -willingly know thy Condition, that I may see whether -thou standest in need of my Assistance; for Widows -swarm, my Boy, the Town's infested with 'em.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> I stand in need of any body's Assistance, -that will help me to cut my elder Brother's Throat, -without the Risque of being hang'd for him.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> I'gad, Sirrah, I cou'd help thee to do him almost -as good a turn, without the danger of being burnt -in the Hand for't.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Say'st thou so, old Satan? Shew me but -that, and my Soul is thine.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Pox o'thy Soul! give me thy warm Body, Sirrah; -I shall have a substantial Title to't when I tell thee -my Project.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Out with it then, dear Dad, and take -possession as soon as thou wilt.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Sayest thou so, my <em>Hephestion</em>? Why, then, thus -lies the Scene: but hold; who's that? If we are heard -we are undone.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> What have you forgot <em>Lory</em>?</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Who, trusty <em>Lory</em>, is it thee?</p> - -<p><em>Lory.</em> At your Service, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Give me thy Hand, old Boy; I'gad I did not -know thee again; but I remember thy Honesty, tho' I -did not thy Face; I think thou hadst like to have been -hang'd once or twice for thy Master.</p> - -<p><em>Lory.</em> Sir, I was very near once having that Honour.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Well, live and hope; don't be discourag'd; eat -with him, and drink with him, and do what he bids -thee, and it may be thy Reward at last, as well as another's.</p> - -<p><em>To Young Fash.</em>] Well, Sir, you must know I have done -you the Kindness to make up a Match for your Brother.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> I am very much beholden to you, truly.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> You may be, Sirrah, before the Wedding-day -yet; the Lady is a great Heiress; fifteen hundred Pound -a year, and a great Bag of Money; the Match is concluded, -the Writings are drawn, and the Pipkin's to be -crack'd in a Fortnight—Now you must know, Stripling -(with Respect to your Mother), your Brother's the Son -of a Whore.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Good.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> He has given me a Bond of a Thousand Pounds -for helping him to this Fortune, and has promis'd me as -much more in ready Money upon the Day of Marriage; -which, I understand by a Friend, he ne'er designs to pay -me; if therefore you will be a generous young Dog, and -secure me five thousand Pounds, I'll be a covetous old -Rogue, and help you to the Lady.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> I'gad, if thou can'st bring this about, I'll -have thy Statue cast in Brass. But don't you doat, you -old Pandar you, when you talk at this rate?</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> That your youthful Parts shall judge of: This -plump Partridge, that I tell you of, lives in the Country, -fifty Miles off, with her honoured Parents, in a -lonely old House which nobody comes near; she never -goes abroad, nor sees Company at home: To prevent -all Misfortunes, she has her Breeding within Doors, -the Parson of the Parish teaches her to play on the Bass-Viol, -the Clerk to sing, her Nurse to dress, and her -Father to dance: In short, nobody can give you admittance -there but I; nor can I do it any other way, -than by making you pass for your Brother.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> And how the Devil wilt thou do that?</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Without the Devil's Aid, I warrant thee. Thy -Brother's Face not one of the Family ever saw; the whole -Business has been manag'd by me, and all the Letters go -thro' my Hands: The last that was writ to Sir <em>Tunbelly -Clumsey</em> (for that's the old Gentleman's Name) was to tell -him, his Lordship would be down in a Fortnight to consummate. -Now you shall go away immediately; pretend -you writ that letter only to have the romantick Pleasure -of surprizing your Mistress; fall desperately in Love, as<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span> -soon as you see her; make that your Plea for marrying -her immediately; and when the fatigue of the Wedding-night's -over, you shall send me a swinging Purse of -Gold, you Dog you.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> I'gad, old Dad, I'll put my Hand in thy -Bosom now——</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Ah, you young hot lusty Thief, let me muzzle -you——</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Kissing.</em></p> - -<p>Sirrah, let me muzzle you.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> 'Psha, the old Letcher——</p> - -<p class="directright">[Aside.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Well; I'll warrant thou hast not a Farthing of -Money in thy Pocket now; no, one may see it in thy -Face——</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Not a Sous, by <em>Jupiter</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Must I advance then?—Well, Sirrah, be at my -Lodgings in half an Hour, and I'll see what may be -done; we'll sign and seal, and eat a Pullet, and when -I have given thee some farther Instructions, thou shalt -hoist Sail and be gone——[<em>Kissing.</em>]——T'other -Buss, and so adieu.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Um, 'psha.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Ah; you young warm Dog, you; what a delicious -Night will the Bride have on't!</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Coupler.</em></p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> So, <em>Lory</em>; Providence, thou seest, at last -takes care of Men of Merit: We are in a fair way to -be great People.</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> Ay, Sir, if the Devil don't step between the Cup -and the Lip, as he uses to do.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Why, faith, he has play'd me many a -damn'd Trick to spoil my Fortune, and, I'gad, I'm almost -afraid he's at work about it again now; but if I -should tell thee how, thou'dst wonder at me.</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> Indeed, Sir, I shou'd not.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> How dost know?</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> Because, Sir, I have wonder'd at you so often, I -can wonder at you no more.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> No! what wouldst thou say if a Qualm of -Conscience should spoil my Design?</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> I wou'd eat my Words, and wonder more than ever.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Why, faith, <em>Lory</em>, tho' I am a young<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span> -Rake-hell, and have play'd many a Roguish Trick; -this is so full grown a Cheat, I find I must take pains to -come up to't; I have Scruples——</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> They are strong Symptoms of Death; if you find -they increase, pray, Sir, make your Will.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> No, my Conscience shan't starve me, neither. -But thus far I'll hearken to it; before I execute -this Project, I'll try my Brother to the bottom, I'll speak -to him with the Temper of a Philosopher; my Reasons -(tho' they press him home) shall yet be cloth'd with so -much Modesty, not one of all the Truths they urge, shall -be so naked to offend his Sight: if he has yet so much -Humanity about him, as to assist me (tho' with a moderate -Aid) I'll drop my Project at his Feet, and shew him how -I can do for him, much more than what I ask he'd do for -me. This one conclusive Trial of him I resolve to make—</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Succeed or no, still Victory's my Lot;</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>If I subdue his Heart, 'tis well; if not,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>I shall subdue my Conscience to my Plot.</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p class="directright">[<span class="antiqua">Exeunt.</span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-039.jpg" width="700" height="38" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="ACT_II_SCENE_I2" id="ACT_II_SCENE_I2"><em class="gesperrt">ACT</em> II. <em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em> I.</a></h3> - - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Loveless</span> and <span class="antiqua">Amanda</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> <span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">H</span>ow</span> do you like these Lodgings, my Dear? -For my part, I am so well pleased with -them, I shall hardly remove whilst we stay in Town, if -you are satisfy'd.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> I am satisfy'd with every thing that pleases -you; else I had not come to Town at all.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> O! a little of the Noise and Bustle of the World -sweetens the Pleasures of Retreat: We shall find the -Charms of our Retirement doubled, when we return to it.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> That pleasing Prospect will be my chiefest Entertainment, -whilst, much against my Will, I am obliged<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span> -to stand surrounded with these empty Pleasures, which 'tis -so much the Fashion to be fond of.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> I own most of them are indeed but empty; -nay, so empty, that one would wonder by what Magick -Power they act, when they induce us to be vicious for -their sakes. Yet some there are we may speak kindlier -of: There are Delights, of which a private Life is destitute, -which may divert an honest Man, and be a harmless -Entertainment to a virtuous Woman. The Conversation -of the Town is one; and truly (with some -small Allowances) the Plays, I think, may be esteem'd -another.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> The Plays, I must confess, have some small -Charms; and wou'd have more, wou'd they restrain -that loose obscene Encouragement to Vice, which shocks, -if not the Virtue of some Women, at least the Modesty -of all.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> But till that Reformation can be made, I would -not leave the wholesome Corn for some intruding Tares -that grow among it. Doubtless the Moral of a well-wrought -Scene is of prevailing Force——Last Night -there happen'd one that mov'd me strangely.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Pray, what was that?</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Why 'twas about—but 'tis not worth repeating.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Yes, pray let me know it.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> No, I think 'tis as well let alone.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Nay, now you make me have a mind to know.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> 'Twas a foolish thing: You'd perhaps grow jealous -shou'd I tell it you, tho' without a Cause, Heaven -knows.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> I shall begin to think I have cause, if you persist -in making it a Secret.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> I'll then convince you you have none, by making -it no longer so. Know then, I happen'd in the Play -to find my very Character, only with the Addition of a -Relapse; which struck me so, I put a sudden Stop to a -most harmless Entertainment, which till then diverted -me between the Acts. 'Twas to admire the Workmanship -of Nature, in the Face of a young Lady that sat some distance -from me, she was so exquisitely handsome——</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> So exquisitely handsome!</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Why do you repeat my Words, my Dear?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Because you seem'd to speak them with such -Pleasure, I thought I might oblige you with their Echo.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Then you are alarmed, <em>Amanda</em>?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> It is my Duty to be so, when you are in danger.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> You are too quick in apprehending for me; all -will be well when you have heard me out. I do confess -I gaz'd upon her, nay, eagerly I gaz'd upon her.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Eagerly! That's with Desire.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> No, I desir'd her not: I view'd her with a -World of Admiration, but not one Glance of Love.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Take heed of trusting to such nice Distinctions.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> I did take heed; for observing in the Play, that -he who seem'd to represent me there, was, by an Accident -like this, unwarily surpriz'd into a Net, in which -he lay a poor intangled Slave, and brought a Train of -Mischiefs on his Head, I snatch'd my Eyes away; they -pleaded hard for leave to look again, but I grew absolute, -and they obey'd.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Were they the only things that were inquisitive? -Had I been in your place, my Tongue, I fancy, -had been curious too: I shou'd have ask'd her Name, -and where she liv'd (yet still without Design:)—Who -was she, pray?</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Indeed I cannot tell.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> You will not tell.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> By all that's sacred, then, I did not ask.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Nor do you know what Company was with -her?</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> I do not.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Then I am calm again.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Why, were you disturb'd?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Had I then no cause?</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> None certainly.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> I thought I had.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> But you thought wrong, <em>Amanda</em>; For turn the -Case, and let it be your Story; Should you come home,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span> -and tell me you had seen a handsome Man, shou'd I -grow jealous because you had Eyes?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> But shou'd I tell you he were exquisitely so; -that I had gaz'd on him with Admiration; that I had -look'd with eager Eyes upon him; shou'd you not think -'twere possible I might go one Step further, and enquire -his Name?</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] She has Reason on her side, I have talk'd -too much; but I must turn it off another way. [<em>To Aman.</em>] -Will you then make no difference, <em>Amanda</em>, between -the Language of our Sex and yours? There is a -Modesty restrains your Tongues, which makes you speak -by halves when you commend; but roving Flattery gives -a loose to ours, which makes us still speak double what -we think: You shou'd not therefore, in so strict a Sense, -take what I said to her Advantage.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Those Flights of Flattery, Sir, are to our Faces -only: When Women once are out of hearing, you are -as modest in your Commendations as we are. But I -shan't put you to the trouble of farther Excuses; if you -please, this Business shall rest here. Only give me leave -to wish, both for your Peace and mine, that you may -never meet this Miracle of Beauty more.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> I am content.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Servant.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Serv.</em> Madam, there's a young Lady at the door in a -Chair, desires to know whether your Ladyship sees Company. -I think her Name is <em>Berinthia</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> O dear! 'tis a Relation I have not seen this five -Years. Pray her to walk in.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Servant.</em></p> - -<p><em>To Lov.</em>] Here's another Beauty for you. She was -young when I saw her last; but I hear she's grown extremely -handsome.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Don't you be jealous now, for I shall gaze upon -her too.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Berinthia</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Ha! By Heavens, the very Woman!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> [<em>Saluting Aman.</em>] Dear <em>Amanda</em>, I did not expect -to meet with you in Town.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Sweet Cousin, I'm overjoy'd to see you. [<em>To -Lov.</em>] Mr. <em>Loveless</em>, here's a Relation and a Friend of -mine, I desire you'll be better acquainted with.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> [<em>Saluting Ber.</em>] If my Wife never desires a harder -thing, Madam, her Request will be easily granted.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> [<em>To Aman.</em>] I think, Madam, I ought to wish -you Joy.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Joy! Upon what?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Upon your Marriage: You were a Widow when -I saw you last.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> You ought rather, Madam, to wish me Joy -upon that, since I am the only Gainer.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> If she has got so good a Husband as the World -reports, she has gain'd enough to expect the Compliment -of her Friends upon it.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> If the World is so favourable to me, to allow I -deserve that Title, I hope 'tis so just to my Wife, to -own I derive it from her.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Sir, it is so just to you both, to own you are, and -deserve to be, the happiest Pair that live in it.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> I'm afraid we shall lose that Character, Madam, -whenever you happen to change your Condition.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Servant.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Ser.</em> Sir, my Lord <em>Foppington</em> presents his humble Service -to you, and desires to know how you do. He but -just now heard you were in Town. He's at the next -Door; and if it be not inconvenient, he'll come and -wait upon you.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Lord <em>Foppington</em>!—I know him not.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Not his Dignity, perhaps, but you do his Person. -'Tis Sir <em>Novelty</em>; he has bought a Barony, in order -to marry a great Fortune: His Patent has not been -pass'd above eight-and-forty-Hours, and he has already -sent How do-ye's to all the Town, to make 'em acquainted -with his Title.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Give my Service to his Lordship, and let him -know, I am proud of the Honour he intends me.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Ex.</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Ser.</em> Sure this Addition of Quality must have so improv'd -this Coxcomb, he can't but be very good Company for a -quarter of an Hour.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Now it moves my Pity more than my Mirth, -to see a Man whom Nature has made no Fool, be so -very industrious to pass for an Ass.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> No, there you are wrong, <em>Amanda</em>; you shou'd -never bestow your Pity upon those who take pains for -your Contempt; Pity those whom Nature abuses, but -never those who abuse Nature.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Besides, the Town wou'd be robb'd of one of its -chiefest Diversions, if it shou'd become a Crime to laugh -at a Fool.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> I could never yet perceive the Town inclin'd -to part with any of its Diversions, for the sake of their -being Crimes; but I have seen it very fond of some, I -think, had little else to recommend 'em.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> I doubt, <em>Amanda</em>, you are grown its Enemy, -you speak with so much warmth against it.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> I must confess I am not much its Friend.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Then give me leave to make you mine, by not -engaging in its Quarrel.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> You have many stronger Claims than that, <em>Berinthia</em>, -whenever you think fit to plead your Title.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> You have done well to engage a Second, my -Dear; for here comes one will be apt to call you to an -Account for your Country Principles.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Lord</em> Foppington. -</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> [<em>To Lov.</em>] Sir, I am your most humble Servant.</p> - -<p><em>Lav.</em> I wish you Joy, my Lord.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> O Laird, Sir——Madam, your Ladyship's -welcome to Tawn.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> I wish your Lordship Joy.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> O Heavens, Madam——</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> My Lord, this young Lady is a Relation of my -Wife's.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> [<em>Saluting her.</em>] The beautifullest Race of People -upon Earth, Rat me. Dear <em>Loveless</em>, I am overjoy'd -to see you have brought your Family to Tawn again:<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span> -I am, stap my Vitals—[<em>Aside.</em>] For I design to lie -with your Wife. [<em>To Aman.</em>] Far Gad's sake, Madam, -haw has your Ladyship been able to subsist thus long, -under the Fatigue of a Country Life?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> My life has been very far from that, my Lord, -it has been a very quiet one.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Why that's the Fatigue I speak of, Madam: -For 'tis impossible to be quiet, without thinking: Now -thinking is to me the greatest Fatigue in the World.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Does not your Lordship love reading then?</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Oh, passionately, Madam——But I never -think of what I read.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Why, can your Lordship read without thinking?</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> O Lard——Can your Ladyship pray without -Devotion——Madam?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Well, I must own I think Books the best Entertainment -in the World.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> I am so much of your Ladyship's Mind, -Madam, that I have a private Gallery, where I walk -sometimes, is furnished with nothing but Books and -Looking-glasses. Madam, I have gilded them, and -rang'd 'em, so prettily, before Gad, it is the most entertaining -thing in the World to walk and look upon 'em.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Nay, I love a neat Library too; but 'tis, -I think, the inside of a Book shou'd recommend it most -to us.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> That, I must confess, I am not altogether -so fand of. Far to my mind the Inside of a Book, is to -entertain one's self with the forc'd Product of another -Man's Brain. Naw I think a Man of Quality and Breeding -may be much diverted with the natural Sprauts of -his own. But to say the truth, Madam, let a Man love -reading never so well, when once he comes to know -this Tawn, he finds so many better ways of passing away -the Four-and-twenty Hours, that 'twere ten thousand -Pities he shou'd consume his time in that. Far example, -Madam, my Life; my Life, Madam, is a perpetual -Stream of Pleasure, that glides thro' such a Variety of -Entertainments, I believe the wisest of our Ancestors -never had the least Conception of any of 'em.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span></p> - -<p>I rise, Madam, about ten o'clock. I don't rise sooner, -because 'tis the worst thing in the World for the -Complection; nat that I pretend to be a Beau; but a -Man must endeavour to look wholesome, lest he make -to nauseous a Figure in the Side-bax, the Ladies shou'd -be compell'd to turn their eyes upon the Play. So at -Ten o'clock, I say, I rise. Naw, if I find it a good -Day, I resalve to take a Turn in the Park, and see the -fine Women; so huddle on my Clothes, and get dress'd -by One. If it be nasty Weather, I take a Turn in the -Chocolate-house; where, as you walk, Madam, you -have the prettiest Prospect in the World; you have -Looking-glasses all round you——But I'm afraid I -tire the Company.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Not at all. Pray go on.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Why then, Ladies, from thence I go to -Dinner at <em>Lacket</em>'s, and there you are so nicely and delicately -serv'd, that, stap my Vitals, they can compose -you a Dish, no bigger than a Saucer, shall come to fifty -Shillings; between eating my Dinner, and washing -my Mouth, Ladies, I spend my time, till I go to the -Play; where, till Nine o'clock, I entertain myself with -looking upon the Company; and usually dispose of one -Hour more in leading them aut. So there's Twelve of -the Four-and-Twenty pretty well over. The other -Twelve, Madam, are disposed of in two Articles: In -the first Four I toast myself drunk, and in t'other Eight -I sleep myself sober again. Thus, Ladies, you see my -Life is an eternal raund O of Delights.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> 'Tis a heavenly one, indeed!</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> But, my Lord, you <em>Beaux</em> spend a great deal -of your Time in Intrigues: You have given us no Account -of them yet.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Soh, she wou'd enquire into my -Amours——That's Jealousy——She begins to be -in love with me. [<em>To Aman.</em>] Why, Madam——as -to time for my Intrigues, I usually make Detachments -of it from my other Pleasures, according to the Exigency. -Far your Ladyship may please to take notice, that those -who intrigue with Women of Quality, have rarely occa<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span>sion -for above half an Hour at a time: People of that -Rank being under those Decorums, they can seldom -give you a larger View, than will justly serve to shoot -'em flying. So that the Course of my other Pleasures is -not very much interrupted by my Amours.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> But your Lordship now is become a Pillar of the -State; you must attend the weighty Affairs of the Nation.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Sir——as to weighty Affairs——I leave -them to weighty Heads. I never intend mine shall be a -Burden to my Body.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> O, but you'll find the House will expect your -Attendance.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Sir, you'll find the House will compound -for my Appearance.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> But your Friends will take it ill if you don't attend -their particular Causes.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Not, Sir, if I come time enough to give -'em my particular Vote.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> But pray, my Lord, how do you dispose of -yourself on <em>Sundays</em>? for that, methinks, shou'd hang -wretchedly on your hands.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Why, faith, Madam——<em>Sunday</em>——is -a vile day, I must confess; I intend to move for -leave to bring in a Bill, That Players may work upon -it, as well as the Hackney Coaches. Tho' this I must -say for the Government, it leaves us the Churches to -entertain us——But then again, they begin so abominable -early, a Man must rise by Candle-light to get -dress'd by the Psalm.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Pray which Church does your Lordship most -oblige with your Presence?</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Oh, St. <em>James</em>'s, Madam——There's much -the best Company.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Is there good Preaching too?</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Why, faith, Madam——I can't tell. A -Man must have very little to do there, that can give an -Account of the Sermon.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> You can give us an Account of the Ladies, at -least.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Or I deserve to be excommunicated—There -is my Lady <em>Tattle</em>, my Lady <em>Prate</em>, my Lady <em>Titter</em>, my -Lady <em>Lear</em>, my Lady <em>Giggle</em>, and my Lady <em>Grin</em>. These -fit in the Front of the Boxes, and all Church-time are -the prettiest Company in the World, stap my Vitals. -[<em>To Aman.</em>] Mayn't we hope for the Honour to see your -Ladyship added to our Society, Madam?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Alas, my Lord, I am the worst Company in -the World at Church: I'm apt to mind the Prayers, or -the Sermon, or——</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> One is indeed strangely apt at Church to -mind what one should not do. But I hope, Madam, at -one time or other, I shall have the Honour to lead your -Ladyship to your Coach there. [<em>Aside.</em>] Methinks she -seems strangely pleas'd with every thing I say to her—'Tis -a vast pleasure to receive Encouragement from a -Woman before her Husband's Face——I have a good -mind to pursue my Conquest, and speak the thing -plainly to her at once—I'gad, I'll do't, and that in so -Cavalier a manner, she shall be surpriz'd at it—Ladies, -I'll take my Leave: I'am afraid I begin to grow -troublesome with the length of my Visit.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Your Lordship is too entertaining to grow -troublesome any where.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] That now was as much as if she -had said——Pray lie with me. I'll let her see I'm quick -of Apprehension. [<em>To Aman.</em>] O Lard, Madam, I had -like to have forgot a Secret, I must needs tell your Ladyship. -[<em>To Lov.</em>] Ned, you must not be so jealous now -as to listen.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Not I, my Lord; I'm too fashionable a Husband -to pry into the Secrets of my Wife.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> [<em>To Aman. squeezing her Hand.</em>] I am in love -with you to Desperation, strike me speechless.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> [<em>Giving him a Box o' th' Ear.</em>] Then thus I -return your Passion——An impudent Fool!</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Gad's Curse, Madam, I'm a Peer of the Realm.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Hey; what the Devil, do you affront my Wife, -Sir? Nay then—</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>They draw and fight. The Women run shrieking for Help.</em></p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Ah! What has my Folly done? Help! Murder, -help! Part 'em, for Heaven's sake.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> [<em>Falling back, and leaning upon his Sword.</em>] -Ah——quite thro' the Body——Stap my Vitals.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Servants.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> [<em>Running to him.</em>] I hope I han't kill'd the Fool, -however——Bear him up! Where's your Wound?</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Just thro' the Guts.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Call a Surgeon there: Unbutton him quickly.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Ay, pray make haste.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> This Mischief you may thank yourself for.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> I may so—Love's the Devil indeed, <em>Ned</em>.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Syringe</span> and Servant.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Serv.</em> Here's Mr. <em>Syringe</em>, Sir, was just going by the -Door.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> He's the welcomest Man alive.</p> - -<p><em>Syr.</em> Stand by, stand by, stand by. Pray, Gentlemen, -stand by. Lord have mercy upon us! Did you never -see a Man run thro' the Body before? Pray stand by.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Ah, Mr. <em>Syringe</em>.——I'm a dead Man.</p> - -<p><em>Syr.</em> A dead Man, and I by——I shou'd laugh to see -that, I'gad.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Pr'ythee don't stand prating, but look upon -his Wound.</p> - -<p><em>Syr.</em> Why, what if I won't look upon his Wound -this Hour, Sir?</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Why then he'll bleed to Death, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Syr.</em> Why, then I'll fetch him to life again, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> 'Slife, he's run thro' the Guts, I tell thee.</p> - -<p><em>Syr.</em> Wou'd he were run thro' the Heart, I shou'd -get the more Credit by his Cure. Now I hope you are -satisfy'd?——Come, now let me come at him; now let -me come at him. [<em>Viewing his Wound.</em>] Oons, what a -Gash is here!—Why, Sir, a Man may drive a -Coach and Six Horses into your Body.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Ho——</p> - -<p><em>Syr.</em> Why, what the Devil, have you run the Gentleman -thro' with a Scythe?——[<em>Aside.</em>] A little Prick -between the Skin and the Ribs, that's all.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Let me see his Wound.</p> - -<p><em>Syr.</em> Then you shall dress it, Sir; for if any body -looks upon it, I won't.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Why, thou art the veriest Coxcomb I ever saw.</p> - -<p><em>Syr.</em> Sir, I am not Matter of my Trade for nothing.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Surgeon!</p> - -<p><em>Syr.</em> Well, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Is there any Hopes?</p> - -<p><em>Syr.</em> Hopes!—--I can't tell——What are you willing -to give for your Cure?</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Five hundred Paunds with Pleasure.</p> - -<p><em>Syr.</em> Why then perhaps there may be Hopes. But we -must avoid further Delay. Here, help the Gentleman -into a Chair, and carry him to my House presently, -that's the properest place [<em>Aside.</em>] to bubble him out of -his Money. Come, a Chair, a Chair quickly—There, -in with him.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>They put him into a Chair.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Dear <em>Loveless</em>——Adieu. If I die——I forgive -thee; and if I live——I hope thou wilt do as much -by me. I am very sorry you and I shou'd quarrel; but -I hope here's an end on't, for if you are satisfy'd——I -am.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> I shall hardly think it worth my prosecuting -any farther, so you may be at rest, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Thou art a generous Fellow, strike me -dumb. [<em>Aside.</em>] But thou hast an impertinent Wife, stap -my Vitals.</p> - -<p><em>Syr.</em> So, carry him off, carry him off, we shall have -him prate himself into a Fever by and by; carry him -off.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Ex. <span class="antiqua">Serv.</span> with <span class="antiqua">L. Fop</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Now on my Knees, my Dear, let me ask your -pardon for my Indiscretion, my own I never shall obtain.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Oh, there's no harm done: You serv'd him well.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> He did indeed deserve it. But I tremble to -think how dear my indiscreet Resentment might have -cost you.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> O, no matter; never trouble yourself about that.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> For Heaven's sake, what was't he did to you?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> O nothing; he only squeez'd me kindly by -the Hand, and frankly offer'd me a Coxcomb's Heart.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span> -I know I was to blame to resent it as I did, since nothing -but a Quarrel could ensue. But the Fool so surpriz'd -me with his Insolence, I was not Mistress of my -Fingers.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Now I dare swear, he thinks you had 'em at -great Command, they obey'd you so readily.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Worthy</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Save you, save you, good People; I'm glad to -find you all alive; I met a wounded Peer carrying off. -For Heav'ns sake, what was the matter?</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> O, a Trifle: He would have lain with my Wife -before my Face, so she oblig'd him with a Box o'the -Ear, and I run him thro' the Body: That was all.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> <em>Bagatelle</em> on all sides. But, pray, Madam, how -long has this noble Lord been an humble Servant of -yours?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> This is the first I have heard on't. So I suppose -'tis his Quality, more than his Love, has brought -him into this Adventure. He thinks his Title an authentick -Passport to every Woman's Heart, below the -Degree of a Peeress.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> He's Coxcomb enough to think any thing. But -I wou'd not have you brought into Trouble for him: I -hope there's no Danger of his Life?</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> None at all: He's fallen into the Hands of a -roguish Surgeon, who I perceive designs to frighten a -little Money out of him. But I saw his Wound, 'tis nothing; -he may go to the Play to-night, if he pleases.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> I'm glad you have corrected him without farther -Mischief. And now, Sir, if these Ladies have no farther -Service for you, you'll oblige me if you can go to -the Place I spoke to you of t'other Day.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> With all my Heart. [<em>Aside.</em>] Tho' I cou'd wish, -methinks, to stay and gaze a little longer on that Creature. -Good God! How beautiful she is!—But what -have I to do with Beauty? I have already had my Portion, -and must not covet more. Come, Sir, when you -please.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>To</em> Wor.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Ladies, your Servant.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span> -<em>Aman.</em> Mr. <em>Loveless</em>, pray one Word with you before -you go.</p> - -<p><em>Lov. <span class="antiqua">to</span> Wor.</em>] I'll overtake you, Sir: What wou'd -my Dear?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Only a Woman's foolish Question, How do -you like my Cousin here?</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Jealous already, <em>Amanda</em>?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Not at all; I ask you for another Reason.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> <em>Aside.</em>] Whate'er her Reason be, I must not tell -her true. [<em>To Aman.</em>] Why, I confess she's handsome. -But you must not think I slight your Kinswoman, if I -own to you, of all the Women who may claim that -Character, she is the last wou'd triumph in my Heart.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> I'm satisfy'd.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Now tell me why you ask'd?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> At Night I will. Adieu.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> I'm yours. [<em>Kissing her.</em>]</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Lov.</em></p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] I'm glad to find he does not like her; -for I have a great mind to persuade her to come and live -with me. [<em>To Ber.</em>] Now, dear <em>Berinthia</em>, let me enquire -a little into your Affairs: for I do assure you, I -am enough your Friend, to interest myself in every -thing that concerns you.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> You formerly have given me such Proofs on't, I -shou'd be very much to blame to doubt it; I am sorry -I have no Secrets to trust you with, that I might convince -you how entire a Confidence I durst repose in you.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Why is it possible, that one so young and -beautiful as you, shou'd live and have no Secrets?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> What Secrets do you mean?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Lovers.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> O Twenty; but not one secret one amongst 'em. -Lovers in this Age have too much Honour to do any -thing under-hand; they do all above-board.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> That now, methinks, wou'd make me hate a -Man.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> But the Women of the Town are of another -mind: For by this means a Lady may, with the Expence -of a few Coquet Glances, lead twenty Fools about in a -String, for two or three Years together. Whereas, if she<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span> -shou'd allow 'em greater Favours, and oblige 'em to Secrecy, -she wou'd not keep one of 'em a Fortnight.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> There's something indeed in That to satisfy -the Vanity of a Woman, but I can't comprehend how -the Men find their Account in it.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Their Entertainment, I must confess, is a Riddle -to me. For there's very few of them ever get farther -than a Bow and an Ogle. I have half a Score for my -share, who follow me all over the Town; and at the -Play, the Park, and the Church, do, with their Eyes, -say the violent'st things to me——But I never hear any -more of 'em.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> What can be the Reason of that?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> One Reason is, They don't know how to go -farther. They have had so little Practice, they don't -understand the Trade. But besides their Ignorance, you -must know there is not one of my half-score Lovers but -what follows half a score Mistresses. Now their Affections -being divided amongst so many, are not strong -enough for any one, to make 'em pursue her to the -Purpose. Like a young Puppy in a Warren, they have -a Flirt at all, and catch none.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Yet they seem to have a Torrent of Love to -dispose of.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> They have so: But 'tis like the River of a Modern -Philosopher, whose Works, tho' a Woman, I have -read: it sets out with a violent Stream, splits in a thousand -Branches, and is all lost in the Sands.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> But do you think this River of Love runs all -its Course without doing any Mischief? Do you think it -overflows nothing?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> O yes; 'tis true, it never breaks into any body's -Ground that has the least Fence about it; but it overflows -all the Commons that lie in its way. And this is -the utmost Achievement of those dreadful Champions -in the Field of Love—the Beaux.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> But pr'ythee, <em>Berinthia</em>, instruct me a little -farther; for I am so great a Novice, I'm almost asham'd -on't. My Husband's leaving me whilst I was young and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span> -fond, threw me into that Depth of Discontent, that ever -since I have led so private and recluse a Life, my Ignorance -is scarce conceivable. I therefore fain would be -instructed: Not, Heaven knows, that what you call -Intrigues have any Charms for me: my Love and Principles -are too well fix'd. The practick Part of all unlawful -Love is——</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> O 'tis abominable: But for the Speculative—that -we must all confess is entertaining. The Conversation -of all the virtuous Women in the Town turns upon -that and new Clothes.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Pray be so just then to me, to believe, 'tis with -a World of Innocency I wou'd enquire, Whether you -think those Women we call Women of Reputation, do -really 'scape all other Men, as they do those Shadows -of 'em, the Beaux.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> O no, <em>Amanda</em>; there are a sort of Men make -dreadful Work amongst 'em: Men that may be call'd -The Beaux Antipathy; for they agree in nothing but -walking upon two Legs.</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">These have Brains: The Beau has none.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">These are in Love with their Mistress: The Beau with himself.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">They take care of her Reputation: He's industrious to destroy it.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">They are decent: He's a Fop.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">They are sound: He's rotten.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">They are Men: He's an Ass.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> If this be their Character, I fancy we had here -e'en now a Pattern of 'em both.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> His Lordship and Mr. <em>Worthy</em>?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> The same.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> As for the Lord, he's eminently so; And for the -other, I can assure you, there's not a Man in Town who -has a better Interest with the Women, that are worth -having an Interest with. But 'tis all private: He's like -a Back-stair Minister at Court, who, whilst the reputed -Favourites are sauntering in the Bed-chamber, is ruling -the Roast in the Closet.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> He answers then the Opinion I had ever of him.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span> -Heavens! What a difference there is between a Man like -him, and that vain nauseous Fop, Sir <em>Novelty</em>! [<em>Taking -her Hand.</em>] I must acquaint you with a Secret, Cousin. -'Tis not that Fool alone has talked to me of Love, <em>Worthy</em> -has been tampering too: 'Tis true, he has done it -in vain: Not all his Charms or Art have power to shake -me. My Love, my Duty, and my Virtue, are such faithful -Guards, I need not fear my Heart shou'd e'er betray me. -But what I wonder at is this: I find I did not start at his -Proposal, as when it came from one whom I contemn'd. -I therefore mention this Attempt, that I may learn from -you whence it proceeds, that Vice, which cannot change -its Nature, shou'd so far change at least its Shape, as that -the self-same Crime propos'd from one shall seem a Monster -gaping at your Ruin, when from another it shall -look so kind, as tho' it were your Friend, and never meant -to harm you. Whence think you, can this Difference -proceed? For 'tis not Love, Heaven knows.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> O no; I wou'd not for the World believe it were. -But possibly, shou'd there a dreadful Sentence pass upon -you, to undergo the Rage of both their Passions; the -Pain you apprehend from one might seem so trivial to -the other, the Danger wou'd not quite so much alarm you.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Fy, fy, <em>Berinthia</em>! you wou'd indeed alarm me, -cou'd you incline me to a Thought, that all the Merit of -Mankind combin'd, cou'd shake that tender Love I bear -my Husband: No, he sits triumphant in my Heart, and -nothing can dethrone him.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> But shou'd he abdicate again, do you think you -shou'd preserve the vacant Throne ten tedious Winters -more, in hopes of his return?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Indeed I think I shou'd. Tho' I confess, after -those Obligations he has to me, shou'd he abandon me -once more, my Heart wou'd grow extremely urgent -with me to root him thence, and cast him out for ever.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Were I that thing they call a slighted Wife, -some Body shou'd run the risque of being that thing -they call—a Husband.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> O fy, <em>Berinthia</em>! No Revenge shou'd ever be<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span> -taken against a Husband: But to wrong his Bed is a -Vengeance, which of all Vengeance——</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Is the sweetest—ha, ha, ha! Don't I talk madly?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Madly indeed.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Yet I'm very innocent.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> That I dare swear you are. I know how to -make Allowances for your Humour: You were always -very entertaining Company; but I find since Marriage -and Widowhood have shewn you the World a little, you -are very much improv'd.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Alack a-day, there has gone more than -that to improve me, if she knew all.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> For Heaven's sake, <em>Berinthia</em>, tell me what -way I shall take to persuade you to come and live with -me?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Why, one way in the World there is——and -but one.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Pray which is that?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> It is to assure me—I shall be very welcome.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> If that be all, you shall e'en lie here to-night.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> To-night?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Yes, to-night.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Why, the People where I lodge will think me -mad.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Let 'em think what they please.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Say you so, <em>Amanda</em>? Why then they shall think -what they please: For I'm a young Widow, and I care -not what any body thinks. Ah, <em>Amanda</em>, it's a delicious -thing to be a young Widow.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> You'll hardly make me think so.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Phu, because you are in love with your Husband: -but that is not every Woman's Case.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> I hope 'twas yours, at least.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Mine, say ye? Now I have a great mind to tell -you a Lye, but I shou'd do it so aukwardly, you'd find -me out.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Then e'en speak the Truth.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Shall I?——Then after all, I did love him, -<em>Amanda</em>——as a Nun does Penance.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span> -<em>Aman.</em> Why did not you refuse to marry him, then?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Because my Mother wou'd have whipt me.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> How did you live together?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Like Man and Wife—asunder;</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">He lov'd the Country, I the Town.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He Hawks and Hounds, I Coaches and Equipage.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He Eating and Drinking, I Carding and Playing.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He the Sound of a Horn, I the Squeak of a Fiddle.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">We were dull Company at Table, worse a-bed.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Whenever we met, we gave one another the Spleen.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And never agreed but once, which was about lying alone.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> But tell me one thing truly and sincerely.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> What's that?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Notwithstanding all these Jars, did not his -Death at last extremely trouble you?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> O yes: Not that my present Pangs were so very -violent, but the After-pains were intolerable. I was forc'd -to wear a beastly Widow's Band a Twelvemonth for't.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Women, I find, have different Inclinations.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Women, I find, keep different Company. When -your Husband ran away from you, if you had fallen -into some of my Acquaintance, 'twou'd have sav'd you -many a Tear. But you go and live with a Grandmother, -a Bishop, and an old Nurse, which was enough -to make any Woman break her Heart for her Husband. -Pray, <em>Amanda</em>, if ever you are a Widow again, keep -yourself so as I do.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Why, do you then resolve you'll never marry?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> O, no; I resolve I will.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> How so?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> That I never may.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> You banter me.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Indeed I don't. But I consider I'm a Woman, -and form my Resolutions accordingly.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Well, my Opinion is, form what Resolution -you will, Matrimony will be the end on't.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Faith it won't.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> How do you know?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> I'm sure on't.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Why, do you think 'tis impossible for you to -fall in love?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> No.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Nay, but to grow so passionately fond, that -nothing but the Man you love can give you rest?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Well, what then?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Why, then you'll marry him.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> How do you know that?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Why, what can you do else?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Nothing—but sit and cry.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Psha.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Ah, poor <em>Amanda</em>, you have led a Country Life: -But if you'll consult the Widows of this Town, they'll -tell you, you shou'd never take a Lease of a House you -can hire for a Quarter's Warning.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-058.jpg" width="700" height="43" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="ACT_III2" id="ACT_III2"><em class="gesperrt">ACT</em> III.</a></h3> - - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Lord <span class="antiqua">Foppington</span> and Servant.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> <span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">H</span>ey</span>, Fellow, let the Coach come to the -Door.</p> - -<p><em>Serv.</em> Will your Lordship venture so soon to expose -yourself to the Weather?</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Sir, I will venture as soon as I can, to expose -myself to the Ladies: tho' give me my Cloke, however; -for in that Side-bax, what between the Air that -comes in at the Door on one side, and the intolerable -Warmth of the Masks on t'other, a Man gets so many -Heats and Colds, 'twou'd destroy the Canstitution of a -Harse.</p> - -<p><em>Ser.</em> [<em>Putting on his Cloke.</em>] I wish your Lordship wou'd -please to keep House a little longer, I'm afraid your -Honour does not well consider your Wound.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> My Wound!—--I wou'd not be in -Eclipse another Day, tho' I had as many Wounds in my -Guts as I have had in my Heart.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Young Fashion</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Brother, your Servant. How do you -find yourself to-day?</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> So well, that I have arder'd my Coach to -the Door: So there's no great Danger of Death this -baut, <em>Tam</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> I'm very glad of it.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> <em>aside.</em>] That I believe's a Lye. Pr'ythee, -<em>Tam</em>, tell me one thing: Did not your Heart cut a Caper -up to your Mauth, when you heard I was run thro' -the Bady?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Why do you think it shou'd?</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Because I remember mine did so, when I -heard my Father was shat thro' the Head?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> It then did very ill.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Pr'ythee, why so?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Because he us'd you very well.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Well?—naw strike me dumb, he starv'd -me. He has let me want a Thausand Women for want -of a Thausand Paund.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Then he hindered you from making a -great many ill Bargains; for I think no Woman is worth -Money, that will take Money.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> If I were a younger Brother, I shou'd think -so too.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Why, is it possible you can value a Woman -that's to be bought?</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Pr'ythee, why not as well as a Pad-Nag?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Because a Woman has a Heart to dispose -of; a Horse has none.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Look you, <em>Tam</em>, of all things that belang -to a Woman, I have an Aversion to her Heart; far -when once a Woman has given you her Heart——you -can never get rid of the rest of her Bady.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> This is strange Doctrine: But pray in -your Amours how is it with your own Heart?</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Why, my Heart in my Amours——is -like——my Heart aut of my Amours; <em>a la glace</em>. My -Bady, <em>Tam</em>, is a Watch; and my Heart is the Pendulum<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span> -to it; whilst the Finger runs raund to every Hour in the -Circle, that still beats the same time.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Then you are seldom much in love?</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Never, Stap my Vitals.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Why then did you make all this Bustle -about <em>Amanda</em>?</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Because she was a Woman of an insolent -Virtue, and I thought myself piqu'd in Honour to debauch -her.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Very well. [<em>Aside.</em>] Here's a rare Fellow -for you, to have the spending of Five Thousand -Pounds a-year. But now for my Business with him. -[<em>To Lord Fop.</em>] Brother, tho' I know to talk of Business -(especially of Money) is a Theme not quite so entertaining -to you as that of the Ladies, my Necessities are -such, I hope you'll have patience to hear me.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> The greatness of your Necessities, <em>Tam</em>, is -the worst Argument in the Warld far your being patiently -heard. I do believe you are going to make a -very good Speech, but, strike me dumb, it has the worst -beginning of any Speech I have heard this Twelvemonth.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> I'm very sorry you think so.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> I do believe thou art. But come, let's -know thy Affair quickly; for 'tis a new Play, and I shall -be so rumpled and squeezed with pressing thro' the -Crawd, to get to my Servant, the Women will think -I have lain all Night in my Clothes.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Why then (that I may not be the Author -of so great a Misfortune) my Case in a Word is this: -The necessary Expences of my Travels have so much exceeded -the wretched Income of my Annuity, that I have -been forced to mortgage it for Five Hundred Pounds, -which is spent; so that unless you are so kind to assist me -in redeeming it, I know no Remedy but to take a Purse.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Why, Faith, <em>Tam</em>——to give you my Sense -of the thing, I do think taking a Purse the best Remedy -in the Warld; for if you succeed, you are reliev'd that -way; if you are taken——you are reliev'd t'other.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> I'm glad to see you are in so pleasant a -Humour, I hope I shall find the Effects on't.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Why, do you then really think it a reasonable -thing I should give you Five Hundred Paunds?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> I do not ask it as a Due, Brother, I am -willing to receive it as a Favour.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Thau art willing to receive it any haw, -strike me speechless. But these are damn'd times to give -Money in: Taxes are so great, Repairs so exorbitant, -Tenants such Rogues, and Perriwigs so dear, that the -Devil take me, I'm reduc'd to that extremity in my -Cash, I have been farc'd to retrench in that one Article -of sweet Pawder, till I have braught it dawn to Five -Guineas a Manth. Naw judge, <em>Tam</em>, whether I can -spare you Five hundred Paunds?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> If you can't, I must starve, that's all, -[<em>Aside.</em>] Damn him.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> All I can say is, you should have been a -better Husband.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> 'Oons, if you can't live upon five thousand -a-year, how do you think I should do't upon two hundred?</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Don't be in a Passion, <em>Tam</em>; far Passion is -the most unbecoming thing in the Warld——to the Face. -Look you, I don't love to say any thing to you to make -you melancholy; but upon this occasion I must take -leave to put you in mind, that a Running Horse does -require more Attendance, than a Coach-Horse. Nature -has made some difference 'twixt you and I.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Yes, she has made you older. [<em>Aside.</em>] -Pox take her.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> That is nat all. <em>Tam</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Why, what is there else?</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> [<em>Looking first upon himself, then upon his Brother.</em>]——Ask -the Ladies.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Why, thou Essence Bottle, thou Musk-Cat, -dost thou then think thou hast any Advantage -over me, but what Fortune has given thee?</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> I do——stap my Vitals.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Now, by all that's great and powerful, -thou art the Prince of Coxcombs.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Sir——I am praud of being at the Head of -so prevailing a Party.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Will nothing then provoke thee?—Draw, -Coward.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Look you, <em>Tam</em>, you know I have always -taken you for a mighty dull Fellow, and here is one of -the foolishest Plats broke out, that I have seen a long -time. Your Paverty makes your Life so burdensome -to you, you would provoke me to a Quarrel, in hopes -either to slip thro' my Lungs into my Estate, or to get -yourself run thro' the Guts, to put an end to your Pain. -But I will disappoint you in both your Designs; far with -the Temper of a Philasapher, and the Discretion of a -Statesman—I will go to the Play with my Sword in -my Scabbard.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Lord Fop</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> So! Farewel, Snuff-Box. And now, Conscience, -I defy thee. <em>Lory!</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Lory</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Here's rare News, <em>Lory</em>; his Lordship -has given me a Pill has purg'd off all my Scruples.</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> Then my Heart's at ease again: For I have been -in a lamentable Fright, Sir, ever since your Conscience -had the Impudence to intrude into your Company.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Be at peace, it will come there no more: -My Brother has given it a wring by the Nose, and I have -kick'd it down Stairs. So run away to the Inn; get the -Horses ready quickly, and bring them to old <em>Coupler</em>'s, -without a Moment's Delay.</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> Then, Sir, you are going straight about the Fortune.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> I am: away; fly, <em>Lory</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> The happiest Day I ever saw. I'm upon the -Wing already.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt several ways.</em></p> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>A Garden</em>.</h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Loveless</span> and Servant</em>. -</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Is my Wife within?</p> - -<p><em>Ser.</em> No, Sir, she has been gone out this -Half-hour.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> 'Tis well; leave me.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Solus.</em> -</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Sure Fate has yet some Business to be done,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Before <em>Amanda</em>'s Heart and mine must rest;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Else, why amongst those Legions of her Sex,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Which throng the World,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Shou'd she pick out for her Companion<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The only one on Earth<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Whom Nature has endow'd for her undoing?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Undoing was't, I said——Who shall undo her?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Is not her Empire fix'd? Am I not hers?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Did she not rescue me, a groveling Slave,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">When, chain'd and bound by that black Tyrant Vice,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I labour'd in his vilest Drudgery?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Did she not ransom me, and set me free?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Nay, more:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">When by my Follies sunk<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To a poor tatter'd, despicable Beggar,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Did she not lift me up to envy'd Fortune?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Give me herself, and all that she possest?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Without a Thought of more Return,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Than what a poor repenting Heart might make her,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Han't she done this? And if she has,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Am I not strongly bound to love her for it?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To love her—Why, do I not love her then?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">By Earth and Heaven, I do!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Nay, I have Demonstration that I do:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For I would sacrifice my Life to serve her.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Yet hold——If laying down my Life<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Be Demonstration of my Love,<br /></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span> -<span class="i0">What is't I feel in favour of <em>Berinthia</em>?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For shou'd she be in danger, methinks, I cou'd incline<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To risk it for her Service too; and yet I do not love her.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">How then subsists my Proof?—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">—O, I have found it out.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">What I would do for one, is Demonstration of my Love;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And if I'd do as much for t'other: it there is Demonstration<br /></span> -<span class="i0">of my Friendship——Ay——it must be so. I find<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I'm very much her Friend.—Yet let me ask myself one<br /></span> -<span class="i0">puzzling Question more:<br /></span> -<span class="i2">Whence springs this mighty Friendship all at once?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For our Acquaintance is of a later Date. Now Friendship's<br /></span> -<span class="i0">said to be a Plant of tedious Growth, its Root<br /></span> -<span class="i0">compos'd of tender Fibres, nice in their Taste, cautious<br /></span> -<span class="i0">in spreading, check'd with the least Corruption in the<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Soil, long ere it take, and longer still ere it appear to<br /></span> -<span class="i0">do so; whilst mine is in a Moment shot so high, and fix'd<br /></span> -<span class="i0">so fast, it seems beyond the Power of Storms to shake it.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I doubt it thrives too fast.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Musing.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Berinthia</span>.</em> -</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">—Ah, she here!—Nay, then take heed, my Heart, for<br /></span> -<span class="i0">there are Dangers towards.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> What makes you look so thoughtful, Sir? I hope -you are not ill.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> I was debating, Madam, whether I was so or -not; and that was it which made me look so thoughtful.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Is it then so hard a matter to decide? I thought -all People had been acquainted with their own Bodies, -tho' few People know their own Minds.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> What if the Distemper, I suspect, be in the Mind?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Why then I'll undertake to prescribe you a Cure.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Alas, you undertake you know not what.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> So far at least then allow me to be a Physician.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Nay, I'll allow you so yet farther: For I have -reason to believe, shou'd I put myself into your Hands, -you wou'd increase my Distemper.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Perhaps I might have Reasons from the College -not to be too quick in your Cure; but 'tis possible, I -might find ways to give you often Ease, Sir.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Were I but sure of that, I'd quickly lay my -Case before you.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Whether you are sure of it or no, what Risk -do you run in trying?</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> O, a very great one.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> How?</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> You might betray my Distemper to my Wife.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> And so lose all my Practice.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Will you then keep my Secret?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> I will, if it don't burst me.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Swear.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> I do.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> By what?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> By Woman.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> That's swearing by my Deity. Do it by your -own, or I shan't believe you.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> By Man then.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> I'm satisfy'd. Now hear my Symptoms, and -give me your Advice. The first were these:</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">When 'twas my Chance to see you at the Play,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A random Glance you threw, at first alarm'd me,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I cou'd not turn my Eyes from whence the Danger came:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I gaz'd upon you, till you shot again,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And then my Fears came on me.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">My Heart began to pant, my Limbs to tremble,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">My Blood grew thin, my Pulse beat quick,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">My Eyes grew hot and dim, and all the Frame of Nature<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Shook with Apprehension.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">'Tis true, some small Recruits of Resolution<br /></span> -<span class="i0">My Manhood brought to my Assistance,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And by their Help I made a Stand a while,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But found at last your Arrows flew so thick,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">They cou'd not fail to pierce me;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">So left the Field,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And fled for shelter to <em>Amanda</em>'s Arms.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">What think you of these Symptoms, pray?<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Feverish every one of 'em. -But what Relief pray did your Wife afford you?</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Why, instantly she let me Blood, which for the -present much assuag'd my Flame. But when I saw you,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span> -out it burst again, and rag'd with greater Fury than before. -Nay, since you now appear, 'tis so increas'd, that -in a Moment, if you do not help me, I shall, whilst you -look on, consume to Ashes.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Taking hold of her Hand.</em></p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> [<em>Breaking from him.</em>] O Lard, let me go: 'Tis -the Plague, and we shall all be infected.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> [<em>Catching her in his Arms, and kissing her.</em>] Then -we'll die together, my charming Angel.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> O Ged——the Devil's in you. -Lard, let me go, here's somebody coming.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Servant.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Serv.</em> Sir, my Lady's come home, and desires to speak -with you: She's in her Chamber.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Tell her I'm coming.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Serv.</em></p> - -<p><em>To Ber.</em> But before I go, one Glass of Nectar more -to drink her Health.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Stand off, or I shall hate you, by Heavens!</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> [<em>Kissing her.</em>] In Matters of Love, a Woman's -Oath is no more to be minded than a Man's.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Um——</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Worthy</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Ha! What's here? my old Mistress, and so -close, I'faith! I wou'd not spoil her Sport for the Universe.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>He retires.</em></p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> O Ged——Now do I pray to Heaven, [<em>Exit -<span class="antiqua">Loveless</span> running.</em>] with all my Heart and Soul, that the -Devil in Hell may take me, if ever——I was better -pleas'd in my Life—This Man has bewitch'd me, that's -certain. [<em>Sighing.</em>] Well, I am condemn'd, but, Thanks -to Heaven, I feel myself each Moment more and more -prepar'd for my Execution—Nay, to that degree, I don't -perceive I have the least fear of Dying. No, I find, let -the Executioner be but a Man, and there's nothing will -suffer with more Resolution than a Woman. Well, I never -had but one Intrigue yet: But I confess I long to -have another. Pray Heaven it end as the first did tho', -that we may both grow weary at a time; for 'tis a melancholy -thing for Lovers to outlive one another.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Worthy</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] This Discovery's a lucky one, I hope to -make a happy use on't. That Gentlewoman there is no -Fool; so I shall be able to make her understand her Interest. -[<em>To</em> Ber.] Your Servant, Madam; I need not -ask you how you do, you have got so good a Colour.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> No better than I us'd to have, I suppose.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> A little more Blood in your Cheeks.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> The Weather's hot.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> If it were not, a Woman may have a Colour.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> What do you mean by that?</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Nothing.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Why do you smile then?</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Because the Weather's hot.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> You'll never leave roguing, I see that.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> [<em>Putting his Finger to his Nose.</em>] You'll never -leave——I see that.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Well, I can't imagine what you drive at. Pray -tell me what you mean?</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Do you tell me, it's the same thing.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> I can't.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Guess!</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> I shall guess wrong.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Indeed you won't.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Psha! either tell, or let it alone.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Nay, rather than let it alone, I will tell. But -first I must put you in mind that, after what has past -'twixt you and I, very few things ought to be Secrets -between us.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Why what Secrets do we hide? I know of none.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Yes, there are two; one I have hid from you, -and t'other you wou'd hide from me. You are fond of -<em>Loveless</em>, which I have discover'd; and I am fond of his -Wife——</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Which I have discover'd.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Very well; now I confess your Discovery to be -true, what do you say to mine?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Why, I confess——I wou'd swear 'twere -false, if I thought you were Fool enough to believe me.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Now am I almost in Love with you again. Nay, -I don't know but I might be quite so, had I made one -short Campaign with <em>Amanda</em>. Therefore, if you find -'twould tickle your Vanity, to bring me down once -more to your Lure, e'en help me quickly to dispatch her -Business, that I may have nothing else to do, but to -apply myself to yours.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Do you then think, Sir, I am old enough to be -a Bawd?</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> No, but I think you are wise enough to——</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> To do what?</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> To hoodwink <em>Amanda</em> with a Gallant, that she -mayn't see who is her Husband's Mistress.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] He has reason: The Hint's a good one.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Well, Madam, what think you on't?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> I think you are so much a deeper Politician in -these Affairs than I am, that I ought to have a very -great regard to your Advice.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Then give me leave to put you in mind, that -the most easy, safe, and pleasant Situation for your own -Amour, is the House in which you now are; provided -you keep <em>Amanda</em> from any sort of Suspicion. That the -way to do that, is to engage her in an Intrigue of her -own, making yourself her Confidante. And the way to -bring her to intrigue, is to make her jealous of her -Husband in a wrong place; which the more you foment, -the less you'll be suspected. This is my Scheme, in short; -which if you follow as you shou'd do, (my dear <em>Berinthia</em>) -we may all four pass the Winter very pleasantly.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Well, I could be glad to have nobody's Sins to -answer for but my own. But where there is a Necessity—</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Right! as you say, where there is a Necessity, a -Christian is bound to help his Neighbour. So, good -<em>Berinthia</em>, lose no time, but let us begin the Dance as -fast as we can.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Not till the Fiddles are in tune, pray, Sir. Your -Lady's Strings will be very apt to fly, I can tell you that, -if they are wound up too hastily. But if you'll have patience -to skrew them to a pitch by degrees, I don't doubt -but she may endure to be play'd upon.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Ay, and will make admirable Musick too, or -I'm mistaken; but have you had no private Closet Discourse -with her yet about Males and Females, and so -forth, which may give you hopes in her Constitution; -for I know her Morals are the Devil against us.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> I have had so much Discourse with her, that I -believe were she once cur'd of her fondness to her Husband, -the Fortress of her Virtue wou'd not be so impregnable -as she fancies.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> What! she runs, I'll warrant you, into that -common Mistake of fond Wives, who conclude themselves -virtuous, because they can refuse a Man they -don't like, when they have got one they do.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> True, and there I think 'tis a presumptuous -thing in a Woman to assume the Name of Virtuous, till -she has heartily hated her Husband, and been soundly -in love with somebody else. Whom if she has withstood—then—much -good may it do her!</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Well, so much for her Virtue. Now, one word -of her Inclinations, and every one to their Post. What -Opinion do you find she has of me?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> What you cou'd wish; she thinks you handsome -and discreet.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Good, that's thinking half Seas over. One -Tide more brings us into Port.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Perhaps it may, tho' still remember, there's a -difficult Bar to pass.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> I know there is, but I don't question I shall get -well over it, by the help of such a Pilot.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> You may depend upon your Pilot, she'll do the -best she can; so weigh Anchor, and be gone as soon as -you please.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> I'm under Sail already. Adieu.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Wor</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> <em>Bon Voyage.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Sola.</em> -</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> - -<p>So, here's fine Work. What a Business have I undertaken! -I'm a very pretty Gentlewoman, truly; but there -was no avoiding it: He'd have ruin'd me, if I had refus'd -him. Besides, faith, I begin to fancy there may be<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span> -as much pleasure in carrying on another body's Intrigue, -as one's own. This at least is certain, it exercises almost -all the entertaining Faculties of a Woman: For -there's employment for Hypocrisy, Invention, Deceit, -Flattery, Mischief, and Lying.</p></div> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Amanda</span>, her Woman following her.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Wom.</em> If you please, Madam, only to say, whether -you'll have me to buy 'em or not.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Yes, no, go fiddle; I care not what you do. -Pr'ythee leave me.</p> - -<p><em>Wom.</em> I have done.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Wom.</em></p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> What in the Name of <em>Jove</em>'s the matter with you?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> The matter, <em>Berinthia</em>! I'm almost mad, I'm -plagu'd to death.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Who is it that plagues you?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Who do you think shou'd plague a Wife, but -her Husband?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> O ho, is it come to that? We shall have you -wish yourself a Widow by and by.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Wou'd I were any thing but what I am! A base -ungrateful Man, after what I have done for him, to use -me thus!</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> What, he has been ogling now, I'll warrant you?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Yes, he has been ogling.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> And so you are jealous? Is that all?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> That all! Is jealousy then nothing?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> It shou'd be nothing, if I were in your Case.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Why, what wou'd you do?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> I'd cure myself.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> How?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Let Blood in the fond Vein: Care as little for -my Husband as he did for me.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> That would not stop his Course.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Nor nothing else, when the Wind's in the warm -Corner. Look you, <em>Amanda</em>, you may build Castles in -the Air, and fume, and fret, and grow thin and lean, -and pale and ugly, if you please. But I tell you, no -Man worth having is true to his Wife, or can be true to -his Wife, or ever was, or ever will be so.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Do you then really think he's false to me? for -I did but suspect him.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Think so? I know he's so.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Is it possible? Pray tell me what you know.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Don't press me then to name Names; for that I -have sworn I won't do.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Well, I won't; but let me know all you can -without Perjury.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> I'll let you know enough to prevent any wise -Woman's dying of the Pip; and I hope you'll pluck up -your Spirits, and shew, upon occasion, you can be as -good a Wife as the best of 'em.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Well, what a Woman, can do I'll endeavour.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> O, a Woman can do a great deal, if once she -sets her mind to it. Therefore pray don't stand trifling -any longer, and teasing yourself with this and that, and -your Love and your Virtue, and I know not what. But -resolve to hold up your Head, get a tiptoe, and look -over them all; for to my certain knowledge your husband -is a pickering elsewhere.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> You are sure on't?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Positively, he fell in love at the Play.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Right, the very same; do you know the ugly -thing?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Yes, I know her well enough; but she's no such -ugly thing, neither.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Is she very handsome?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Truly I think so.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Hey-ho!</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> What do you sigh for now?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Oh my Heart!</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Only the Pangs of Nature! she's in Labour -of her Love; Heaven send her a quick Delivery! -I'm sure she has a good Midwife.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> I'm very ill, I must go to my Chamber; -Dear <em>Berinthia</em>, don't leave me a Moment.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> No, don't fear. [<em>Aside.</em>] I'll see you safe -brought-to-bed, I'll warrant you.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt, <span class="antiqua">Amanda</span> leaning upon <span class="antiqua">Berinthia</span>.</em></p> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>A Country-House</em>.</h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Young</span> Fashion and <span class="antiqua">Lory</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> So, here's our Inheritance, <em>Lory</em>, if we -can but get into Possession. But, methinks, -the Seat of our Family looks like <em>Noah</em>'s Ark, -as if the chief part on't were design'd for the Fowls of -the Air, and the Beasts of the Field.</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> Pray, Sir, don't let your Head run upon the Orders -of Building here; get but the Heiress, let the Devil -take the House.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Get but the House, let the Devil take the -Heiress, I say; at least if she be as old <em>Coupler</em> describes -her. But come, we have no time to squander. Knock at -the Door. [Lory <em>knocks two or three times.</em>] What the Devil, -have they got no Ears in this House? Knock harder.</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> I'gad, Sir, this will prove some inchanted Castle; -we shall have the Giant come out by and by with his -Club, and beat our Brains out.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Knocks again.</em></p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Hush! they come.</p> - -<p><em>From within.</em>] Who is there?</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> Open the Door and see: Is that your Country -Breeding?</p> - -<p><em>Within.</em> Ay, but two Words to a Bargain: <em>Tummus</em>, -is the Blunderbuss prim'd?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Oons, give 'em good Words, <em>Lory</em>; we -shall be shot here a Fortune-catching.</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> I'gad, Sir, I think y'are in the right on't. Ho, -Mr. What d'ye-call-um.—[<em>Servant appears at the Window -with a Blunderbuss.</em>] Weal naw, what's yar Business?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Nothing, Sir, but to wait upon Sir <em>Tunbelly</em>, -with your leave.</p> - -<p><em>Ser.</em> To weat upon Sir <em>Tunbelly</em>? Why, you'll find -that's just as Sir <em>Tunbelly</em> pleases.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> But will you do me the Favour, Sir, to -know whether Sir <em>Tunbelly</em> pleases or not?</p> - -<p><em>Ser.</em> Why, look you, do you see, with good Words, -much may be done. <em>Ralph</em>, go thy weas, and ask Sir<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span> -<em>Tunbelly</em> if he pleases to be waited upon. And, do'st -hear? call to Nurse, that she may lock up Miss <em>Hoyden</em> -before the Gates open.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> D'ye hear that, <em>Lory</em>?</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> Ay, Sir, I'm afraid we shall find a difficult Jobb -on't. Pray Heaven that old Rogue <em>Coupler</em> han't sent -us to fetch Milk out of the Gunroom!</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> I'll warrant thee all will go well: See; -the Door opens.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Sir <span class="antiqua">Tunbelly</span>, with his Servants arm'd with -Guns, Clubs, Pitchforks, Scythes, <span class="antiqua">&c.</span></em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> [<em>Running behind his Master.</em>] O Lord, O Lord, O -Lord, we are both dead Men!</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Take heed, Fool, thy Fear will ruin us.</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> My Fear, Sir—'Sdeath, Sir, I fear nothing. [<em>Aside.</em>] -Wou'd I were well up to the Chin in a Horse-Pond!</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Who is it here has any Business with me?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Sir, 'tis I, if your Name be Sir <em>Tunbelly -Clumsey</em>.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Sir, my Name is Sir <em>Tunbelly Clumsey</em>, whether -you have any Business with me or not. So you see -I am not asham'd of my Name—nor my Face—neither.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Sir, you have no cause, that I know of.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Sir, if you have no cause neither, I desire to -know who you are; for till I know your Name, I shall -not ask you to come into my House; and when I know -your Name—'tis six to four I don't ask you neither.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> [<em>Giving him a Letter.</em>] Sir, I hope you'll -find this Letter an Authentick Passport.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> God's my life, I ask your Lordship's Pardon -ten thousand times. [<em>To his Servant.</em>] Here, run -in a-doors quickly: Get a Scotch-Coal Fire in the -great Parlour; set all the Turkey-work-Chairs in their -places; get the great Brass Candlesticks out; and be sure -stick the Sockets full of Laurel; run. [<em>Turning to <span class="antiqua">Young -Fash</span>.</em>] My Lord, I ask your Lordship's pardon. [<em>To -other Servants.</em>] And do you hear, run away to Nurse, -bid her let Miss <em>Hoyden</em> loose again, and if it was not -shifting Day, let her put on a clean Tucker—quick!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt Servants confusedly.</em></p> - -<p><em>To</em> Young Fash.] I hope your Honour will excuse the -disorder of my Family; we are not us'd to receive Men -of your Lordship's great Quality every day; pray where -are your Coaches and Servants, my Lord?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Sir, that I might give you and your fair -Daughter a proof how impatient I am to be nearer akin -to you, I left my Equipage to follow me, and came -away Post with only one servant.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Your Lordship does me too much Honour. -It was exposing your Person to too much Fatigue and -Danger, I protest it was; but my Daughter shall endeavour -to make you what amends she can; and tho' I -say it, that shou'd not say it—<em>Hoyden</em> has Charms.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Sir, I am not a Stranger to them, tho' I -am to her. Common Fame has done her Justice.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> My Lord, I am common Fame's very grateful -humble Servant. My Lord——my Girl's young: -<em>Hoyden</em> is young, my Lord; but this I must say for her, -what she wants in Art, she has by Nature; what she -wants in Experience, she has in Breeding; and what's -wanting in her Age, is made good in her Constitution. -So pray, my Lord, walk in; pray, my Lord, walk in.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Sir, I wait upon you.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Miss <span class="antiqua">Hoyden</span> sola.</em> -</p> - -<p>Sure never no body was us'd as I am. I know well -enough what other Girls do, for all they think to make -a Fool of me: It's well I have a Husband a coming, or -I'cod, I'd marry the Baker, I wou'd so. No body can -knock at the Gate, but presently I must be lockt up; -and here's the young Greyhound Bitch can run loose -about the House all the day long, she can; 'tis very -well.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Nurse <span class="antiqua">without</span>, opening the Door.</em> -</p> - -<p class="center">Miss <em>Hoyden</em>! Miss, Miss, Miss! Miss <em>Hoyden</em>! -</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Nurse</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> Well, what do you make such a Noise for, ha! -What do you din a body's Ears for? Can't one be at -quiet for you?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> What do I din your Ears for? Here's one -come will din your Ears for you.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> What care I who's come? I care not a Fig who -comes, nor who goes, as long as I shall be lockt up like -the Ale-Cellar.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> That, Miss, is for fear you shou'd be drank -before you are ripe.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> O, don't you trouble your Head about that; -I'm as ripe as you, tho' not so mellow.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Very well; now I have a good mind to lock -you up again, and not let you see my Lord to-night.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> My Lord! Why, is my Husband come?</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Yes, marry is he, and a goodly Person too.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> [<em>Hugging Nurse.</em>] O my dear <em>Nurse</em>, forgive, me -this once, and I'll never misuse you again; no, if I -do, you shall give me three thumps on the Back, and a -great pinch by the Cheek.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Ah the poor Thing, see how it melts; it's as -full of Good-Nature as an Egg's full of Meat.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> But, my dear Nurse, don't lie now; is he -come, by your troth?</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Yes, by my truly, is he.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> O Lord! I'll go and put on my lac'd Smock, -tho' I am whipt till the Blood run down my Heels for't.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit running.</em></p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Eh——the Lord succour thee, how thou art delighted!</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit after her.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Sir <span class="antiqua">Tunbelly</span> and <span class="antiqua">Young Fashion</span>. A Servant -with Wine.</em> -</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> My Lord, I'm proud of the Honour to see -your Lordship within my Doors: and I humbly crave -leave to bid you welcome in a Cup of Sack Wine.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Sir, to your Daughter's Health.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Drinks.</em></p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Ah poor Girl, she'll be fear'd out of her -Wits on her Wedding Night; for, honestly speaking, -she does not know a Man from a Woman, but by his -Beard, and his Breeches.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Sir, I don't doubt she has had a virtuous -Education, which, with the rest of her Merit, makes<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span> -me long to see her mine. I wish you wou'd dispense -with the Canonical Hour, and let it be this very Night.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> O not so soon, neither; that's shooting my -Girl before you bid her stand. No, give her fair warning, -we'll sign and seal to-night if you please; and this -Day seven-night—let the Jade look to her Quarters.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> This Day seven-night——Why, what do -you take me for a Ghost, Sir? 'Slife, Sir, I'm made of -Flesh and Blood, and Bones and Sinews, and can no -more live a Week without your Daughter—than I can -live a Month with her.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Oh, I'll warrant you, my Hero; young -Men are hot, I know, but they don't boil over at that -rate, neither; besides, my Wench's Wedding Gown is -not come home yet.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> O, no matter, Sir; I'll take her in her -Shift. [<em>Aside.</em>] A Pox of this old Fellow, he'll delay -the Business till my damn'd Star finds me out, and discovers -me. [<em>To Sir <span class="antiqua">Tun.</span></em>] Pray, Sir, let it be done without -Ceremony; 'twill save Money.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Money——Save Money when <em>Hoyden</em>'s to -be marry'd? Udswoons, I'll give my Wench a Wedding-Dinner, -tho' I go to Grass with the King of <em>Assyria</em> for't; -and such a Dinner it shall be, as is not to be cook'd in -the poaching of an Egg. Therefore, my Noble Lord, -have a little Patience, we'll go and look over our Deeds -and Settlements immediately; and as for your Bride, -tho' you may be sharp-set before she's quite ready, I'll engage -for my Girl, she stays your Stomach at last.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-076.jpg" width="700" height="42" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="ACT_IV_SCENE_I2" id="ACT_IV_SCENE_I2"><em class="gesperrt">ACT</em> IV. <em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em> I.</a></h3> - - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Miss <span class="antiqua">Hoyden</span> and <span class="antiqua">Nurse</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> <span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">W</span>ell</span>, Miss, how do you like your Husband -that is to be?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> O Lord, Nurse, I'm so overjoy'd, I can scarce -contain myself.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> O, but you must have a care of being too fond; -for Men now a-days hate a Woman that loves 'em.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> Love him! Why do you think I love him, -Nurse? I'cod, I would not care if he were hang'd, so -I were but once married to him——No——that which -pleases me, is to think what Work I'll make when I get -to <em>London</em>; for when I am a Wife and a Lady both, -Nurse, I'cod, I'll flant it with the best of 'em.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Look, look, if his Honour be not a coming to -you; now if I were sure you wou'd behave yourself -handsomely, and not disgrace me that have brought -you up, I'd leave you alone together.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> That's my best Nurse, do as you wou'd be -done by; trust us together this once; and if I don't shew -my Breeding from the Head to the Foot of me, may I -be twice married, and die a Maid!</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Well, this once I'll venture you; but if you -disparage me——</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> Never fear, I'll shew him my Parts, I'll warrant him.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Nurse</span>.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Sola.</em> -</p> - -<p>These old Women are so wise when they get a poor -Girl into their Clutches; but ere it be long, I shall -know what's what, as well as the best of 'em.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Young Fashion</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Your Servant, Madam, I'm glad to find -you alone; for I have something of Importance to speak -to you about.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> Sir, (my Lord, I meant) you may speak to -me about what you please, I shall give you a civil Answer.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> You give me so obliging a one, it encourages -me to tell you in few Words, what I think both -for your Interest and mine. Your Father, I suppose you -know, has resolv'd to make me happy in being your -Husband, and I hope I may depend upon your Consent, -to perform what he desires.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> Sir, I never disobey my Father in any thing but -eating of green Gooseberries.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> So good a Daughter must needs be an -admirable Wife; I am therefore impatient till you are -mine, and hope you will so far consider the Violence of -my Love, that you won't have the Cruelty to defer my -Happiness so long as your Father designs it.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> Pray, my Lord, how long is it?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Madam, a thousand Year——a whole -Week.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> A Week!—--why, I shall be an old Woman by -that time.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> And I an old Man, which you'll find -a greater Misfortune than t'other.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> Why I thought it was to be to-morrow Morning, -as soon as I was up; I'm sure Nurse told me so.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> And it shall be to-morrow Morning still, -if you'll consent.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> If I'll consent! Why I thought I was to obey -you as my Husband.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> That's when we are married; till then, -I am to obey you.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> Why then if we are to take it by turns, it's the -same thing: I'll obey you now, and when we are married, -you shall obey me.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> With all my heart; but I doubt we must -get Nurse on our side, or we shall hardly prevail with -the Chaplain.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> No more we shan't indeed, for he loves her better -than he loves his Pulpit, and wou'd always be a -preaching to her, by his good Will.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Why then, my dear little Bedfellow, if -you'll call her hither, we'll try to persuade her presently.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> O Lord, I can tell you a way how to persuade -her to any thing.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> How's that?</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> Why tell her she's a wholesome, comely Woman——and -give her Half a Crown.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Nay, if that will do, she shall have half -a score of 'em.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> O Gemini, for half that she'd marry you herself: -I'll run and call her.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Miss</span>.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em><span class="antiqua">Young Fashion</span> solus.</em> -</p> - -<p>So, Matters go swimmingly; this is a rare Girl, -i'faith; I shall have a fine time of it with her at <em>London</em>. -I'm much mistaken if she don't prove a <em>March</em> Hare all -the Year round. What a scampering Chace will she -make on't, when me finds the whole Kennel of Beaux at -her Tail! Hey to the <em>Park</em> and the Play, and the Church, -and the Devil; she'll shew them sport, I'll warrant -'em. But no matter, she brings an Estate will afford me -a separate Maintenance.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Miss</span> and <span class="antiqua">Nurse</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> How do you do, good Mistress Nurse? I -desir'd your young Lady would give me leave to see you, -that I might thank you for your extraordinary Care and -Conduct in her Education; pray accept of this small -Acknowledgement for it at present, and depend upon -my farther Kindness, when I shall be that happy thing -her Husband.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Gold by mackins! Your Honour's -Goodness is too great: alas! all I can boast of is, I gave -her poor good Milk, and so your Honour wou'd have -said, an you had seen how the poor thing suck't it——Eh, -God's blessing on the sweet Face on't! how it us'd -to hang at this poor Teat, and suck and squeeze, and -kick and sprawl it wou'd, till the Belly on't was so full, -it wou'd drop off like a Leech.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em><span class="antiqua">Miss</span> to <span class="antiqua">Nurse</span>, taking her angrily aside.</em></p> - -<p>Pray one word with you; pr'ythee, Nurse, don't stand -ripping up old Stories, to make one asham'd before one's -Love: do you think such a fine proper Gentleman as he -is, cares for a fiddlecome Tale of a draggle-tail'd Girl;, -if you have a mind to make him have a good Opinion -of a Woman, don't tell him what one did then, tell him -what one can do now. [<em>To</em> Young Fash.] I hope your -Honour will excuse my Mismanners to whisper before -you, it was only to give some orders about the Family.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> O every thing, Madam, is to give way -to Business; besides, good Housewifery is a very commendable -Quality in a young Lady.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> Pray, Sir, are the young Ladies good Housewives -at London Town? Do they darn their own Linen?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> O no, they study how to spend Money, -not to save it.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> I'cod, I don't know but that may be better -Sport than t'other, ha, Nurse!</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Well, you shall have your Choice when -you come there.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> Shall I——then by my troth I'll get there -as fast as I can.</p> - -<p><em>To Nurse.</em>] His Honour desires you'll be so kind, as to -let us be marry'd to-morrow.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> To-morrow, my dear Madam?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Yes, to-morrow, sweet Nurse, privately; -young Folks, you know, are impatient, and Sir <em>Tunbelly</em> -wou'd make us stay a Week for a Wedding-Dinner. -Now all things being sign'd and seal'd, and agreed, -I fancy there cou'd be no great harm in practising a -Scene or two of Matrimony in private, if it were only -to give us the better Assurance when we come to play it -in publick.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Nay, I must confess stolen Pleasures are sweet; -but if you shou'd be married now, what will you do -when Sir <em>Tunbelly</em> calls for you to be wedded?</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> Why then we will be married again.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> What, twice, my Child?</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> I'cod, I don't care how often I'm married, -not I.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Pray, Nurse, don't you be against your -young Lady's good; for by this means she'll have the -pleasure of two Wedding-Days.</p> - -<p><em>Miss to Nurse softly.</em>] And of two Wedding-Nights -too, Nurse.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Well, I'm such a tender-hearted Fool, I find -I can refuse you nothing; so you shall e'en follow your -own Inventions.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> Shall I? [<em>Aside.</em>] O Lord, I could leap over -the Moon.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Dear Nurse, this Goodness of yours -shan't go unrewarded; but now you must employ your -Power with Mr. <em>Bull</em> the Chaplain, that he may do his -friendly Office too, and then we shall be all happy; do -you think you can prevail with him?</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Prevail with him——or he shall never prevail -with me, I can tell him that.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> My Lord, she has had him upon the hip this -seven Year.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> I'm glad to hear it; however, to strengthen -your Interest with him, you may let him know I have -several fat Livings in my Gift, and that the first that -falls shall be in your Disposal.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Nay, then I'll make him marry more Folks, -than one, I'll promise him.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> Faith, do, Nurse, make him marry you too; -I'm sure he'll do't for a fat Living; for he loves Eating -more than he loves his <em>Bible</em>; and I have often heard, -him say, a fat Living was the best Meat in the World.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Ay, and I'll make him commend the Sauce -too, or I'll bring his Gown to a Cassock, I will so.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Well, Nurse, whilst you go and settle -Matters with him, your Lady and I will go and take a -walk in the Garden.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> I'll do your Honour's Business in the catching -up of a Garter.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Nurse</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> [<em>Giving her his Hand.</em>] Come, Madam, -dare you venture yourself alone with me?</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> O dear, yes, Sir; I don't think you'll do any -thing to me I need be afraid on.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Amanda</span> and <span class="antiqua">Berinthia</span>.</em> -</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i14">A SONG.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i18">I.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>I Smile at Love, and all its Arts,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i4"><em>The Charming</em> Cynthia <em>cry'd;</em><br /></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</a></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Take heed, for Love has piercing Darts,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i4"><em>A wounded Swain reply'd.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Once free and blest as you are now,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>I trifled with his Charms;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>I pointed at his little Bow,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>And sported with his Arms;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Till urg'd too far, Revenge he cries,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>A fated Shaft he drew;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>It took its passage thro your Eyes,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>And to my Heart it flew.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i20">II.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>To tear it thence I try'd in vain;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>To strive I quickly found</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Was only to increase the Pain,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>And to enlarge the Wound.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Ah! much too well, I fear, you know</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>What pain I'm to endure,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Since what your Eyes alone cou'd do,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Your Heart alone can cure.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And That (grant Heaven I may mistake)</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>I doubt is doom'd to bear</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>A Burden for another's sake,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Who ill rewards its Care.</em><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Well, now, <em>Berinthia</em>, I'm at leisure to hear -what 'twas you had to say to me.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> What I had to say, was only to echo the Sighs -and Groans of a dying Lover.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Phu, will you never learn to talk in earnest of -any thing?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Why this shall be in earnest, if you please; for -my part, I only tell you Matter of Fact—you may take -it which way you like best; but if you'll follow the Women -of the Town, you'll take it both ways; for when -a Man offers himself to one of them, first she takes him -in jest, and then she takes him in earnest.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> I'm sure there's so much jest and earnest in -what you say to me, I scarce know how to take it; but -I think you have bewitched me, for I don't find it possible -to be angry with you, say what you will.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> I'm very glad to hear it, for I have no mind to -quarrel with you, for some Reasons that I'll not brag of;<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</a></span> -but quarrel or not, smile or frown, I must tell you what -I have suffer'd upon your account.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Upon my account!</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Yes, upon yours; I have been forc'd to sit still -and hear you commended for two Hours together, without -one Compliment to myself; now don't you think a -Woman has a blessed time of that?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Alas! I shou'd have been unconcern'd at it; I -never knew where the Pleasure lay of being prais'd by -the Men: but pray who was this that commended me so?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> One you have a mortal Aversion to—Mr. <em>Worthy</em>: -he us'd you like a Text, he took you all to pieces, -but spoke so learnedly upon every Point, one might see -the Spirit of the Church was in him: if you are a Woman, -you'd have been in an Extasy to have heard how -feelingly he handled your Hair, your Eyes, your Nose, -your Mouth, your Teeth, your Tongue, your Chin, -your Neck, and so forth. Thus he preach'd for an Hour; -but when he came to use an Application, he observ'd -that all these, without a Gallant, were nothing—Now -consider of what has been said, and Heaven give you -Grace to put it in practice!</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Alas! <em>Berinthia</em>, did I incline to a Gallant, -(which you know I do not) do you think a Man so nice -as he, cou'd have the least concern for such a plain unpolish'd -thing as I am? It is impossible!</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Now have you a great mind to put me upon -commending you.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Indeed that was not my Design.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Nay, if it were, it's all one, for I won't do't, -I'll leave that to your Looking-glass. But to shew you -I have some Good-nature left, I'll commend him, and -may be that may do as well.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> You have a great mind to persuade me I am in -love with him.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> I have a great mind to persuade you, you don't -know what you are in love with.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> I am sure I am not in love with him, nor never -shall be; so let that pass: but you were saying something -you wou'd commend him for.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> O, you'd be glad to hear a good Character of -him, however.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Psha.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Psha——Well, 'tis a foolish Undertaking -for Women in these kind of Matters, to pretend to deceive -one another——Have not I been bred a Woman -as well as you?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> What then?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Why then I understand my Trade so well, that -whenever I am told of a Man I like, I cry, Psha! But -that I may spare you the pains of putting me a second -time in mind to commend him, I'll proceed, and give you -this account of him: That tho' 'tis possible he may have -had Women with as good Faces as your Ladyship's, (no -Discredit to it neither) yet you must know your cautious -Behaviour, with that Reserve in your Humour, has given -him his Death's Wound; he mortally hates a Coquette; -he says 'tis impossible to love where he cannot esteem; and -that no Woman can be esteemed by a Man who has Sense, -if she makes herself cheap in the Eye of a Fool. That -Pride to a Woman, is as necessary as Humility to a Divine; -and that far-fetch'd, and dear bought, is Meat for -Gentlemen, as well as for Ladies——In short, that every -Woman who has Beauty may set a price upon herself, -and that by under-selling the Market they ruin the -Trade. This is his Doctrine, how do you like it?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> So well that, since I never intend to have a -Gallant for myself, if I were to recommend one to a -Friend, he shou'd be the Man.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Worthy</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p>Bless me, he's here! pray Heaven he did not hear me!</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> If he did, it won't hurt your Reputation; your -Thoughts are as safe in his Heart as in your own.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> I venture in at an unseasonable time of Night, -Ladies; I hope if I am troublesome, you'll use the -same freedom in turning me out again.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> I believe it can't be late, for Mr. <em>Loveless</em> is -not come home yet, and he usually keeps good Hours.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Madam, I'm afraid he'll transgress a little to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</a></span>-night; -for he told me about half an Hour ago, he was -going to sup with some Company, he doubted would -keep him out till three or four o'clock in the Morning, -and desir'd I would let my Servant acquaint you with it, -that you might not expect him: But my Fellow's a -Blunder-head; so, lest he should make some mistake, I -thought it my Duty to deliver the Message myself.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> I'm very sorry he shou'd give you that trouble, -Sir: But——</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> But since he has, will you give me leave, Madam, -to keep him to play at Ombre with us?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Cousin, you know you command my House.</p> - -<p><em>Wor. to Ber.</em>] And, Madam, you know you command -me, tho' I'm a very wretched Gamester.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> O you play well enough to lose your Money, -and that's all the Ladies require; so without any more -Ceremony, let us go into the next Room and call for -the Cards.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> With all my heart.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Wor</span>. leading <span class="antiqua">Aman</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Ber. sola.</em> Well, how this Business will end, Heaven -knows; but she seems to me to be in as fair a way——as -a Boy is to be a Rogue, when he's put Clerk to an -Attorney.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Berinthia</span>.</em></p> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, Berinthia's <em>Chamber</em>.</h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Loveless</span> cautiously in the dark.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> So, thus for all's well. I'm got into her Bed-Chamber, -and I think nobody has perceiv'd -me steal into the House; my Wife don't expect me home -till four o'Clock; so if <em>Berinthia</em> comes to Bed by eleven, -I shall have a Chace of five Hours. Let me see, where -shall I hide myself? Under her Bed? No; we shall have -her Maid searching there for something or other; her -Closet's a better place, and I have a Master-Key will -open it: I'll e'en in there, and attack her just when she<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</a></span> -comes to her Prayers, that's the most like to prove her -critical Minute; for then the Devil will be there to assist -me.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>He opens the Closet, goes in, and shuts the door after him.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Berinthia</span> with a Candle in her hand.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Well, sure I am the best-natur'd Woman in the -World. I that love Cards so well (there is but one thing -upon the Earth I love better) have pretended Letters to -write, to give my Friends a <em>Tête-à-Tête</em>; however, I'm -innocent, for Picquet is the Game I set 'em to: at her -own peril be it, if she ventures to play with him at any -other. But now what shall I do with myself? I don't -know how in the World to pass my time; wou'd <em>Loveless</em> -were here to <em>badiner</em> a little! Well, he's a charming Fellow, -I don't wonder his Wife's so fond of him. What if -I shou'd set down and think of him till I fall asleep, and -dream of the Lord knows what? O, but then if I shou'd -dream we were married, I shou'd be frighted out of my -Wits. [<em>Seeing a Book.</em>] What's this Book? I think I -had best go read. <em>O Splenetique!</em> 'tis a Sermon. Well, -I'll go into my Closet, and read the <em>Plotting Sisters</em>. [<em>She -opens the Closet, sees <span class="antiqua">Loveless</span>, and shrieks out.</em>] O Lord, a -Ghost, a Ghost, a Ghost, a Ghost!</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Loveless</span> running to her.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Peace, my Dear; it's no Ghost, take it in your -Arms, you'll find 'tis worth a hundred of 'em.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Run in again; here's somebody coming.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Maid.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Maid.</em> O Lord, Madam, what's the matter?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> O Heav'ns! I'm almost frighted out of my -Wits. I thought verily I had seen a Ghost, and 'twas -nothing but the white Curtain, with a black Hood pinn'd -up against it; you may be gone again, I am the fearfullest -Fool.—</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Maid.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Re-enter <span class="antiqua">Loveless</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Is the Coast clear?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> The Coast clear! I suppose you are clear, you'd -never play such a Trick as this else.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> I am very well pleas'd with my Trick thus far, -and shall be so till I have play'd it out, if it ben't your -Fault: where's my Wife?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> At Cards.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> With whom?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> With <em>Worthy</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Then we are safe enough.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> You are so! Some Husbands wou'd be of another -mind, if he were at Cards with their Wives.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> And they'd be in the right on't too. But I dare -trust mine:——Besides, I know he's in love in another -place, and he's not one of those who court half a dozen -at a time.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Nay, the truth on't is, you'd pity him if you -saw how uneasy he is at being engag'd with us; but -'twas my Malice. I fancy'd he was to meet his Mistress -some where else, so did it to have the pleasure of seeing -him fret.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> What says <em>Amanda</em> to my staying abroad so late?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Why she's as much out of Humour as he, I believe -they wish one another at the Devil.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Then I'm afraid they'll quarrel at Play, and -soon throw up the Cards: [<em>Offering in pull her into her -Closet.</em>] Therefore, my dear charming Angel, let us -make good use of our time.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Heavens! what do you mean?</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Pray what do you think I mean?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> I don't know.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> I'll shew you.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> You may as well tell me.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> No, that wou'd make you blush worse than t'other.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Why, do you intend to make me blush?</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Faith, I can't tell that; but if I do, it shall be -in the dark.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Pulling her.</em></p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> O Heavens! I wou'd not be in the dark with -you for all the World.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> I'll try that.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Puts out the Candles.</em></p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> O Lord! are you mad! What shall I do for Light?</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> You'll do as well without it.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Why, one can't find a Chair to sit down?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Come into the Closet, Madam, there's Moonshine -upon the Couch.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Nay, never pull, for I will not go.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Then you must be carried.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Carrying her.</em></p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Help, help, I'm ravish'd, ruin'd, undone. O -Lord, I shall never be able to bear it.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Very softly.</em></p> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>Sir <span class="antiqua">Tunbelly</span>'s House</em>.</h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Miss <span class="antiqua">Hoyden</span>, Nurse, <span class="antiqua">Young Fashion</span>, and <span class="antiqua">Bull</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> This quick dispatch of yours, Mr. -<em>Bull</em>, I take so kindly, it shall give -you a claim to my Favour as long as I live, I do assure -you.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> And to mine too, I promise you.</p> - -<p><em>Bull.</em> I most humbly thank your Honours; and I -hope, since it has been my Lot to join you in the holy -Bands of Wedlock, you will so well cultivate the Soil -which I have crav'd a Blessing on, that your Children -may swarm about you like Bees about a Honey-Comb.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> I'cod with all my Heart, the more the merrier, -I say; ha, Nurse.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Lory</span>, taking his Master hastily aside.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> One Word with you, for Heaven's sake.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> What the Devil's the matter?</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> Sir, your Fortune's ruin'd, and I don't think your -Life's worth a quarter of an Hour's Purchase: Yonder's -your Brother arriv'd with two Coaches and six Horses, -twenty Footmen and Pages, a Coat worth fourscore -Pound, and a Perriwig down to his Knees: So judge -what will become of your Lady's Heart.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Death and Furies! 'tis impossible.</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> Fiends and Spectres! Sir, 'tis true.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Is he in the House yet?</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> No, they are capitulating with him at the Gate; -the Porter tells him, he's come to run away with <em>Miss -Hoyden</em>, and has cock'd the Blunderbuss at him; your<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</a></span> -Brother swears Gad Damme, they are a parcel of Clawns, -and he had a good mind to break off the Match; but -they have given the Word for Sir <em>Tunbelly</em>, so I doubt -all will come out presently. Pray, Sir, resolve what -you'll do this Moment, for I'gad they'll maul you.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Stay a little. [<em>To Miss.</em>] My Dear, here's -a troublesome Business my Man tells me of; but don't be -frighten'd, we shall be too hard for the Rogue. Here's -an impudent Fellow at the Gate (not knowing I was -come hither <em>incognito</em>) has taken my Name upon him, -in hopes to run away with you.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> O the Brazen-fac'd Varlet, it's well we are -married, or may be we might never have been so.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] I'gad, like enough: Pr'ythee, -dear Doctor, run to Sir <em>Tunbelly</em>, and stop him from -going to the Gate, before I speak with him.</p> - -<p><em>Bull.</em> I fly, my good Lord——</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Bull</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> An't please your Honour, my Lady and I had -best lock ourselves up till the Danger be over.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Ay, by all means.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> Not so fast, I won't be lock'd up any more. -I'm marry'd.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Yes, pray my Dear do, till we have -seiz'd this Rascal.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> Nay, if you pray me, I'll do any thing.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt <span class="antiqua">Miss</span> and <span class="antiqua">Nurse</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> O! here's Sir <em>Tunbelly</em> coming. [<em>To</em> Lo.] -Hark you, Sirrah, things are better than you imagine; -the Wedding's over.</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> The Devil it is, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Not a Word, all's safe: But Sir <em>Tunbelly</em> -don't know it, nor must not yet; so I am resolv'd -to brazen the Business out, and have the Pleasure of -turning the Impostor upon his Lordship, which I believe -may easily be done.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Sir <span class="antiqua">Tunbelly</span>, <span class="antiqua">Chap.</span> and <span class="antiqua">Servants</span> arm'd.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Did you ever hear, Sir, of so impudent -an Undertaking?</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Never, by the Mass, but we'll tickle him, -I'll warrant him.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> They tell me, Sir, he has a great many -People with him disguis'd like Servants.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Ay, ay, Rogues enow; but I'll soon raise -the Posse upon 'em.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Sir, if you'll take my Advice, we'll go a -shorter way to work; I find, whoever this Spark is, he -knows nothing of my being privately here; so if you -pretend to receive him civilly, he'll enter without Suspicion; -and as soon as he is within the Gate, we'll whip -up the Drawbridge upon his Back, let fly the Blunderbuss -to disperse the Crew, and so commit him to Gaol.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> I'gad, your Lordship is an ingenious Person, -and a very great General; but shall we kill any of 'em, -or not?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> No, no, fire over their Heads only to -fright them; I'll warrant the Regiment scours when -the Colonel's a Prisoner.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Then come along, my Boys, and let your -Courage be great——for your Danger is but small.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>The Gate.</em></h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Lord <span class="antiqua">Foppington</span> and <span class="antiqua">Followers</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> <span class="fauxcap">A</span> Pax of these Bumkinly People, will they -open the Gate, or do they desire I -shou'd grow at their Moat-side like a Willow? [<em>To the -Porter.</em>] Hey, Fellow—Pr'ythee do me the Favour, in -as few words as thou canst find to express thyself, to tell -me whether thy Master will admit me or not, that I may -turn about my Coach, and be gone.</p> - -<p><em>Por.</em> Here's my Master himself now at hand, he's of -Age, he'll give you his Answer.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Sir <span class="antiqua">Tunbelly</span>, and his Servants.</em> -</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> My most noble Lord, I crave your pardon -for making your Honour wait so long; but my Orders -to my servants have been to admit no body without my -Knowledge, for fear of some Attempts upon my Daughter, -the Times being full of Plots and Roguery.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Much Caution, I must confess, is a Sign -of great Wisdom: But, stap my Vitals, I have got a -Cold enough to destroy a Porter—He, hem—</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> I am very sorry for't, indeed, my Lord; -but if your Lordship please to walk in, we'll help you -to some brown Sugar-Candy. My Lord, I'll shew you -the way.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Sir, I follow you with pleasure.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>As Lord <span class="antiqua">Foppington</span>'s Servants go to follow him -in, they clap the Door against <span class="antiqua">La Varole</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Servants within.</em> Nay, hold you me there, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>La Var.</em> <em>Jernie, qu'est ce que veut dire ça?</em></p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> [<em>Within.</em>]——Fire, Porter.</p> - -<p><em>Porter fires.</em>——Have among you, my Masters.</p> - -<p><em>La Var.</em> <em>Ah je suis mort</em>—</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>The servants all run off.</em></p> - -<p><em>Port.</em> Not one Soldier left, by the Mass.</p> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em> <em>changes into a Hall.</em></h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Sir <span class="antiqua">Tunbelly</span>, the <span class="antiqua">Chaplain</span> and <span class="antiqua">Servants</span>, with -Lord <span class="antiqua">Foppington</span> disarm'd.</em> -</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Come, bring him along, bring him along.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> What the Pax do you mean, -Gentlemen, is it Fair time, that you are all drunk before -Dinner?</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Drunk, Sirrah! Here's an impudent Rogue -for you! Drunk or Sober, Bully, I'm a Justice of the -Peace, and know how to deal with Strolers.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Strolers!</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Ay, Strolers; come, give an account of yourself; -what's your Name? where do you live? Do you -pay Scot and Lot? Are you a <em>Williamite</em>, or a <em>Jacobite</em>? -Come.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> And why dost thou ask me so many impertinent -Questions?</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Because I'll make you answer 'em before I -have done with you, you Rascal you.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Before Gad, all the Answer I can make -thee to 'em, is, that thou art a very extraordinary old -Fellow; stap my Vitals—</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Nay, if you are for joaking with Deputy-Lieutenants, -we know how to deal with you: Here, -draw a Warrant for him immediately.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> A Warrant——what the Devil is't thou -wou'dst be at, old Gentleman?</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> I wou'd be at you, Sirrah, (if my Hands -were not ty'd as a Magistrate) and with these two double -Fists beat your Teeth down your Throat, you Dog -you.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> And why would'st thou spoil my Face at -that rate?</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> For your Design to rob me of my Daughter, -Villain.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Rab thee of thy Daughter——Now I do -begin to believe I am a-bed and a-sleep, and that all -this is but a Dream—If it be, 'twill be an agreeable -Surprize enough, to waken by and by; and instead of -the impertinent Company of a nasty Country Justice, -find my self perhaps in the Arms of a Woman of Quality—[<em>To -Sir <span class="antiqua">Tun.</span></em>] Pr'ythee, old Father, wilt thou give -me leave to ask thee one Question?</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> I can't tell whether I will or not, till I know -what it is.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Why, then, it is, whether thou didst not -write to my Lord <em>Foppington</em> to come down and marry -thy Daughter?</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Yes, marry did I, and my Lord <em>Foppington</em> -is come down, and shall marry my Daughter before -she's a Day older.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Now give me thy Hand, dear Dad, I -thought we should understand one another at last.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> This Fellow's mad——here bind him Hand -and Foot.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>They bind him down.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Nay, pr'ythee, Knight, leave fooling, thy -Jest begins to grow dull.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Bind him, I say, he's mad——Bread and -Water, a dark Room, and a Whip, may bring him to his -Senses again.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] I'gad, if I don't waken quickly, by -all that I can see, this is like to prove one of the most -impertinent Dreams that ever I dreamt in my Life.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Miss</span> and <span class="antiqua">Nurse</span>.</em> [<em><span class="antiqua">Miss</span> going up to him.</em>] -</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> Is this he that wou'd have run away with me? -Fough, how he stinks of sweets! Pray, Father, let him -be dragg'd through the Horse-Pond.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] This must be my Wife by her natural -Inclination to her Husband.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> Pray, Father, what do you intend to do with -him? hang him?</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> That at least, Child.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Ay, and it's e'en too good for him too.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] <em>Madame la Governante</em>, I presume, -hitherto this appears to me to be one of the most extraordinary -Families that ever Man of Quality match'd into.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> What's become of my Lord, Daughter?</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> He's just coming, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] My Lord——What does he mean -by that now?</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Young Fashion</span> and <span class="antiqua">Lory</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Seeing him.</em>] Stap my Vitals, <em>Tam</em>, now the Dream's out.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Is this the Fellow, Sir, that design'd to -trick me of your Daughter?</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> This is he, my Lord, how do you like him? -Is not he a pretty Fellow to get a Fortune?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> I find by his Dress, he thought your -Daughter might be taken with a Beau.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> O Gemini! Is this a Beau? let me see him -again——ha! I find a Beau is no such ugly thing -neither.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> I'gad, she'll be in love with him presently; -I'll e'en have him sent away to Gaol. [<em>To</em> Lord Fop.] -Sir, tho' your Undertaking shews you are a Person of -no extraordinary Modesty, I suppose you han't Confidence -enough to expect much Favour from me.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Strike me dumb, <em>Tam</em>, thou art a very -impudent Fellow.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Look if the Varlet has not the Frontery to call -his Lordship plain <em>Thomas</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Bull.</em> The business is, he wou'd feign himself mad, -to avoid going to Gaol.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] That must be the Chaplain, by his -unfolding of Mysteries.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Come, is the Warrant writ?</p> - -<p><em>Cler.</em> Yes, Sir.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Give me the Pen, I'll sign it——So now, -Constable, away with him.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Hold one Moment——Pray, Gentlemen; -my Lord <em>Foppington</em>, shall I beg one Word with your -Lordship?</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> O ho, it's my Lord with him now; see how -Afflictions will humble Folks.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> Pray, my Lord, don't let him whisper too -close, lest he bite your Ear off.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em>. I am not altogether so hungry, as your -Ladyship is pleased to imagine. [<em>To</em> Young Fash.] Look -you, <em>Tam</em>, I am sensible I have not been so kind to you -as I ought, but I hope you'll forget what's past, and -accept of the five thousand Pounds I offer; thou may'st -live in extreme Splendor with it; stap my Vitals.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> It's a much easier matter to prevent a -Disease than to cure it; a quarter of that Sum would -have secur'd your Mistress; twice as much won't redeem -her.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Leaving him.</em></p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Well, what says he?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Only the Rascal offer'd me a Bribe to let -him go.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Ay, he shall go, with a Pox to him: Lead -on, Constable.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em>. One word more, and I've done.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Before Gad, thou art an impudent Fellow, -to trouble the Court at this rate, after thou art condemned; -but speak once for all.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Why then once for all; I have at last -luckily call'd to mind, that there is a Gentleman of this -Country, who I believe cannot live far from this place, -if he were here, would satisfy you, I am <em>Novelty</em>,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</a></span> -Baron of <em>Foppington</em>, with five thousand Pounds a year, -and that Fellow there a Rascal, not worth a Groat.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Very well; now who is this honest Gentleman -you are so well acquainted with. [<em>To</em> Young Fash.] -Come, Sir, we shall hamper him.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> 'Tis Sir <em>John Friendly</em>.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> So, he lives within half a Mile, and came -down into the Country but last Night; this bold-fac'd -Fellow thought he had been at <em>London</em> still, and so -quoted him; now we shall display him in his Colours: -I'll send for Sir <em>John</em> immediately. Here, Fellow, away -presently; and desire my Neighbour he'll do me -the favour to step over, upon an extraordinary Occasion; -and in the mean while you had best secure this -Sharper in the <em>Gate-House</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> An't please your Worship, he may chance to -give us the Slip thence: If I were worthy to advise, I -think the Dog-kennel's a surer Place.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> With all my heart, anywhere.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Nay, for Heaven's sake, Sir, do me the favour -to put me in a clean Room, that I mayn't daub -my Clothes.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> O when you have married my Daughter, her -Estate will afford you new ones: Away with him.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> A dirty Country Justice is a barbarous Magistrate, -stap my Vitals——</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Constable with Lord <span class="antiqua">Foppington</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] I gad I must prevent this Knight's -coming, or the House will grow soon too hot to hold me.</p> - -<p><em>To</em> Sir <em>Tun.</em>] Sir, I fancy 'tis not worth while to trouble -Sir <em>John</em> upon this impertinent Fellow's Desire: I'll -send and call the Messenger back——</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Nay, with all my heart; for to be sure he -thought he was far enough off, or the Rogue wou'd never -have nam'd him.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Servant.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Serv.</em> Sir, I met Sir <em>John</em> just lighting at the Gate; -he's come to wait upon you.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Nay, then it happens as one cou'd wish.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[Pg 82]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] The Devil it does! <em>Lory</em>, you see -how things are, here will be a Discovery presently, and -we shall have our Brains beat out: For my Brother will -be sure to swear he don't know me: Therefore run into -the Stable, take the two first Horses you can light on, I'll -slip out at the Back-Door, and we'll away immediately.</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> What, and leave your Lady, Sir?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> There's no Danger in that, as long as I -have taken possession; I shall know how to treat with -them well enough, if once I am out of their reach. -Away, I'll steal after thee.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Lory</span>, his Master follows -him out at one Door, as Sir <span class="antiqua">John</span> enters at t'other.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Sir <span class="antiqua">John</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Sir <em>John</em>, you are the welcom'st Man alive; -I had just sent a Messenger to desire you'd step over, upon -a very extraordinary Occasion—we are all in Arms -here.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>John.</em> How so?</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Why, you must know——a sinical sort of a -tawdry Fellow here (I don't know who the Devil he is, -not I) hearing, I suppose, that the Match was concluded -between my Lord <em>Foppington</em> and my Girl <em>Hoyden</em>, comes -impudently to the Gate, and with a whole Pack of -Rogues in Liveries, wou'd have pass'd upon me for his -Lordship: But what does I? I comes up to him boldly -at the Head of his Guards, takes him by the Throat, -strikes up his Heels, binds him Hand and Foot, dispatches -a Warrant, and commits him Prisoner to the Dog-kennel.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>John.</em> So, but how do you know but this was my -Lord? for I was told he set out from <em>London</em> the Day before -me, with a very fine Retinue, and intended to come -directly hither.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Why now to shew you how many Lies People -raise in that damn'd Town, he came two Nights ago -Post, with only one Servant, and is now in the House -with me: But you don't know the Cream of the Jest yet; -this same Rogue, (that lies yonder Neck and Heels -among the Hounds) thinking you were out of the Country, -quotes you for his Acquaintance, and said, if you<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</a></span> -were here, you'd justify him to be Lord <em>Foppington</em>, and -I know not what.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>John.</em> Pray will you let me see him?</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Ay, that you shall presently——here, fetch -the Prisoner.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Servant.</em></p> - -<p>Sir <em>John.</em> I wish there ben't some Mistake in the Business, -where's my Lord? I know him very well.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> He was here just now; see for him, Doctor, -tell him Sir <em>John</em> is here to wait upon him.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Ex. Chaplain.</em></p> - -<p>Sir <em>John.</em> I hope, Sir <em>Tunbelly</em>, the young Lady is not -married yet.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> No, things won't be ready this Week; but -why do you say, you hope she is not married?</p> - -<p>Sir <em>John.</em> Some foolish Fancies only, perhaps I'm -mistaken.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Re-enter Chaplain.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Bull.</em> Sir, his Lordship is just rid out to take the Air.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> To take the Air! Is that his <em>London</em> Breeding, -to go to take the Air, when Gentlemen come to visit him?</p> - -<p>Sir <em>John.</em> 'Tis possible he might want it, he might not -be well, some sudden Qualm perhaps.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Constable, <span class="antiqua">&c.</span> with Lord <span class="antiqua">Foppington</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Stap my Vitals, I'll have Satisfaction.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>John.</em> [<em>Running to him.</em>] My dear Lord <em>Foppington</em>!</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Dear <em>Friendly</em>, thou art come in the critical -Minute, strike me dumb.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>John.</em> Why, I little thought to have found you in -Fetters.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Why truly the World must do me the justice -to confess, I do use to appear, a little more <em>degagé</em>: -But this old Gentleman, not liking the Freedom of my -Air, has been pleased to skewer down my Arms like a -Rabbit.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Is it then possible that this shou'd be the true -Lord <em>Foppington</em> at last?</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Why what do you see in his Face to make -you doubt of it? Sir, without presuming to have any extraordinary -Opinion of my Figure, give me leave to tell<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</a></span> -you, if you had seen as many Lords as I have done, you -would not think it impossible a Person of a worse <em>Taille</em> -than mine, might be a modern Man of Quality.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Unbind him, Slaves: my Lord, I'm struck -dumb, I can only beg Pardon by Signs; but if a Sacrifice -will appease you, you shall have it. Here, pursue -this <em>Tartar</em>, bring him back——Away, I say, a Dog, -Oons——I'll cut off his Ears and his Tail, I'll draw -out all his Teeth, pull his skin over his Head——and——what -shall I do more?</p> - -<p>Sir <em>John.</em> He does indeed deserve to be made an Example -of.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> He does deserve to be <em>chartrè</em>, stap my Vitals.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> May I then hope I have your Honour's Pardon?</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Sir, we Courtiers do nothing without a -Bribe; that fair young Lady might do Miracles.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> <em>Hoyden</em>, come hither, <em>Hoyden</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> <em>Hoyden</em> is her Name, Sir?</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Yes, my Lord.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> The prettiest Name for a Song I ever heard.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> My Lord——here's my Girl, she's yours, she -has a wholesome Body, and virtuous Mind; she's a -Woman complete, both in Flesh and in Spirit; she has -a Bag of mill'd Crowns, as scarce as they are, and fifteen -hundred a-year flitch'd fast to her Tail: so go thy ways, -<em>Hoyden</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Sir, I do receive her like a Gentleman.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Then I'm a happy Man, I bless Heaven, and -if your Lordship will give me leave, I will, like a good -Christian at <em>Christmas</em>, be very drunk by way of Thanksgiving. -Come, my noble Peer, I believe Dinner's ready; -if your Honour pleases to follow me, I'll lead you -on to the Attack of a Venison Pasty.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Sir <span class="antiqua">Tun.</span></em></p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Sir, I wait upon you: Will your Ladyship -do me the favour of your little Finger, Madam?</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> My Lord, I'll follow you presently. I have a -little Business with my Nurse.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Your Ladyship's most humble Servant; -come, Sir <em>John</em>, the Ladies have <em>des Affaires</em>.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt <span class="antiqua">Lord Fop</span>. and Sir <span class="antiqua">John</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> So, Nurse, we are finely brought to bed! What -shall we do now?</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Ah, dear Miss, we are all undone! Mr. <em>Bull</em>, -you were us'd to help a Woman to a Remedy.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Crying.</em></p> - -<p><em>Bull.</em> A lack a-day, but it's past my Skill now, I can -do nothing.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Who wou'd have thought that ever your Invention -shou'd have been drain'd so dry?</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> Well, I have often thought old Folks Fools, and -now I'm sure they are so; I have found a way myself -to secure us all.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Dear Lady, what's that?</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> Why, if you two will be sure to hold your -Tongues, and not say a word of what's past, I'll e'en -marry this Lord too.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> What! two Husbands, my Dear?</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> Why you had three, good Nurse, you may hold -your Tongue.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Ay, but not all together, sweet Child.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> Psha, if you had, you'd ne'er thought much -on't.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> O but 'tis a Sin—Sweeting.</p> - -<p><em>Bull.</em> Nay, that's my business to speak to, Nurse. I -do confess, to take two Husbands for the Satisfaction of -the Flesh, is to commit the Sin of Exorbitancy; but to -do it for the Peace of the Spirit, is no more than to be -drunk by way of Physick: Besides, to prevent a Parent's -Wrath, is to avoid the Sin of Disobedience; for when -the Parent's angry the Child is froward. So that upon -the whole Matter, I do think, tho' Miss shou'd marry -again, she may be sav'd.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> I'cod, and I will marry again then, and so there -is an end of the Story.</p> - - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/wingding-099.jpg" width="700" height="680" alt="" /> -</div> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[Pg 86]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-100.jpg" width="700" height="43" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="ACT_V_SCENE_London2" id="ACT_V_SCENE_London2"><em class="gesperrt">ACT</em> V. <em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em> <em>London</em>.</a></h3> - - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Coupler</span>, <span class="antiqua">Young Fashion</span>, and <span class="antiqua">Lory</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> <span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">W</span>ell</span>, and so Sir <em>John</em> coming in—</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> And so Sir <em>John</em> coming in, -I thought it might be Manners in me to go out, which I -did, and getting on Horseback as fast as I cou'd, rid -away as if the Devil had been at the Rear of me; what -has happen'd since, Heav'n knows.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> I'gad, Sirrah, I know as well as Heaven.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> What do you know?</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> That you are a Cuckold.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> The Devil I am! By who?</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> By your Brother.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> My Brother! which way?</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> The old way, he has lain with your Wife.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Hell and Furies, what dost thou mean?</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> I mean plainly, I speak no Parable.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Plainly! Thou dost not speak common -Sense, I cannot understand one Word thou sayst.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> You will do soon, Youngster. In short, you left -your Wife a Widow, and she married again.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> It's a Lye.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em>——I'cod, if I were a young Fellow, I'd -break your Head, Sirrah.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Dear Dad, don't be angry, for I'm as mad -as <em>Tom <span class="antiqua">of</span> Bedlam</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> When I had fitted you with a Wife, you shou'd -have kept her.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> But is it possible the young Strumpet -cou'd play such a Trick?</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> A young Strumpet, Sir——can play twenty -Tricks.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> But pr'ythee instruct me a little farther; -whence comes thy Intelligence!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[Pg 87]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> From your Brother, in this Letter; there, you -may read it.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em><span class="antiqua">Young Fashion</span> reads.</em></p> -<div class="blockquot"> -<p> -Dear <em>Coupler</em>,<br /> -</p> - -<p>[Pulling off his Hat,] <em><span class="fauxcap">I</span> Have only time to tell thee in three Lines, -or thereabouts, that here has been the Devil! -That Rascal <span class="antiqua">Tam</span>, having stole the Letter thou hadst -formerly writ for me to bring to Sir <span class="antiqua">Tunbelly</span>, form'd a -damnable Design upon my Mistress, and was in a fair way -of Success when I arriv'd. But after having suffer'd some -Indignities (in which I have all daub'd my embroider'd Coat) -I put him to flight. I sent out a Party of Horse after him, -in hopes to have made him my Prisoner, which if I had done, -I would have qualified him for the Seraglio, stap my Vitals. -The Danger I have thus narrowly 'scap'd, has made me -fortify myself against further Attempts, by entering immediately -into an Association with the young Lady, by which we -engage to stand by one another, as long as we both shall -live. In short, the Papers are seal'd, and the Contract is sign'd, -so the Business of the Lawyer is <span class="antiqua">achevé</span>; but I defer the divine -part of the thing till I arrive at <span class="antiqua">London</span>, not being -willing to consummate in any other Bed but my own.</em></p> - -<p> -Postscript,<br /> -</p> - -<p><em>'Tis possible I may be in the Tawn as soon as this Letter; -for I find the Lady is so violently in love with me, I have -determin'd to make her happy with all the Dispatch that is -practicable, without disardering my Coach Harses.</em></p> -</div> -<p>So, here's rare Work, I'faith!</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> I'gad, Miss <em>Hoyden</em> has laid about her bravely.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> I think my Country-Girl has play'd her part, as -well as if she had been born and bred in St. <em>James</em>'s Parish.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em>——That Rogue the Chaplain.</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> And then that Jade the Nurse, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> And then that drunken Sot, <em>Lory</em>, Sir; -that cou'd not keep himself sober to be a Witness to the -Marriage.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> Sir——with respect——I know very few drunken -Sots that do keep themselves sober.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Hold your prating, Sirrah, or I'll break -your Head; dear <em>Coupler</em>, what's to be done?</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Nothing's to be done till the Bride and Bridegroom -come to Town.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Bride and Bridegroom! Death and Furies! -I can't bear that thou shouldst call them so.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Why, what shall I call them, Dog and Cat?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Not for the World, that sounds more -like Man and Wife than t'other.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Well, if you'll hear of them in no Language, -we'll leave them for the Nurse and the Chaplain.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> The Devil and the Witch.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> When they come to Town——</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> We shall have stormy Weather.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Will you hold your tongues, Gentlemen, or not?</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> Mum.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> I say when they, come, we must find what Stuff -they are made of, whether the Churchman be chiefly -compos'd of the Flesh, or the Spirit; I presume the former——For -as Chaplains now go, 'tis probable he -eats three Pound of Beef to the reading one Chapter——This -gives him carnal Desires, he wants Money, -Preferment, Wine, a Whore; therefore we must invite -him to Supper, give him fat Capons, Sack and Sugar, a -Purse of Gold, and a Plump Sister. Let this be done, and -I'll warrant thee, my Boy, he speaks Truth like an Oracle.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Thou art a profound Statesman, I allow -it; but how shall we gain the Nurse?</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> O never fear the Nurse, if once you have got -the Priest, for the Devil always rides the Hag. Well, -there's nothing more to be said of the Matter at this -time, that I know of; so let us go and enquire, if there's -any News of our People yet, perhaps they may be come. -But let me tell you one thing by the way, Sirrah, I doubt -you have been an idle Fellow; if thou hadst behav'd -thyself as thou shoud'st have done, the Girl wou'd never -have left thee.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em><span class="antiqua">Berinthia</span>'s Apartment.</em></h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter her <span class="antiqua">Maid</span>, passing the Stage, follow'd by <span class="antiqua">Worthy</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Hem, Mrs. <em>Abigail</em>, is your Mistress to be -spoken with?</p> - -<p><em>Ab.</em> By you, Sir, I believe she may.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Why 'tis by me I wou'd have her spoken with.</p> - -<p><em>Ab.</em> I'll acquaint her, Sir.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Ab</span>.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em><span class="antiqua">Worthy</span> solus.</em> -</p> - -<p>One Lift more I must persuade her to give me, and -then I'm mounted. Well, a young Bawd, and a handsome -one for my Money, 'tis they do the Execution; I'll -never go to an old one, but when I have occasion for a -Witch. Lewdness looks heavenly to a Woman, when an -Angel appears in its Cause; but when a Hag is Advocate, -she thinks it comes from the Devil. An old Woman -has something so terrible in her Looks, that whilst she -is persuading your Mistress to forget she has a Soul, she -stares Hell and Damnation full in her Face.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Berinthia</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Well, Sir, what News bring you?</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> No News, Madam, there's a Woman going to -cuckold her Husband.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> <em>Amanda</em>?</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> I hope so.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Speed her well.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Ay, but there must be a more than a God-speed, -or your Charity won't be worth a Farthing.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Why, han't I done enough already?</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Not quite.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> What's the matter?</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> The Lady has a Scruple still which you must remove.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> What's that?</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Her Virtue——she says.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> And do you believe her?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> No, but I believe it's what she takes for her Virtue; -it's some Relicks of lawful Love: she is not yet -fully satisfy'd her Husband has got another Mistress, -which unless I can convince her of, I have opened the -Trenches in vain; for the Breach must be wider, before -I dare storm the Town.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> And so I'm to be your Engineer!</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> I'm sure you know best how to manage the -Battery.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> What think you of springing a Mine? I have a -Thought just now come into my Head, how to blow her -up at once.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> That would be a Thought, indeed!</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em>——Faith, I'll do't, and thus the Execution of it -shall be. We are all invited to my Lord <em>Foppington</em>'s to-night -to Supper, he's come to Town with his Bride, and -maketh a Ball, with an Entertainment of Musick. Now -you must know, my Undoer here, <em>Loveless</em>, says he must -needs meet me about some private Business (I don't -know what 'tis) before we go to the Company. To -which end he has told his Wife one Lye, and I have -told her another. But to make her amends, I'll go immediately, -and tell her a solemn Truth.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> What's that?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Why, I'll tell her, that to my certain Knowledge -her Husband has a Rendezvous with his Mistress this Afternoon; -and that if she'll give me her Word, she will -be satisfy'd with the Discovery, without making any -violent Inquiry after the Woman, I'll direct her to a -Place, where she shall see them meet.—Now, Friend, this -I fancy may help you to a critical Minute. For home -she must go again to dress. You, with your good-breeding, -come to wait upon us to the Ball, find her all alone, -her Spirit enflam'd against her Husband for his Treason, -and her Flesh in a Heat from some Contemplations upon -the Treachery, her Blood on a Fire, her Conscience in -ice; a Lover to draw, and the Devil to drive——Ah, -poor <em>Amanda</em>!</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> [<em>Kneeling.</em>] Thou Angel of Light, let me fall -down and adore thee!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Thou Minister of Darkness, get up again, for I -hate to see the Devil at his Devotions.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Well, my incomparable <em>Berinthia</em>——How -shall I requite you——</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> O ne'er trouble yourself about that: Virtue is its -own Reward: There's a Pleasure in doing good, which -sufficiently pays itself. Adieu.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Farewel, thou best of Women.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt several ways.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Amanda</span>, meeting <span class="antiqua">Berinthia</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Who was that went from you?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> A Friend of yours.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> What does he want?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Something you might spare him, and be ne'er -the poorer.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> I can spare him nothing but my Friendship; -my Love already's all dispos'd of: Tho', I confess, to one -ungrateful to my Bounty.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Why there's the Mystery! You have been so -bountiful, you have cloy'd him. Fond Wives do by their -Husbands, as barren Wives do by their Lap-Dogs; cram -them with Sweetmeats till they spoil their Stomachs.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Alas! Had you but seen how passionately fond -he has been since our last Reconciliation, you wou'd have -thought it were impossible he ever should have breath'd -an Hour without me.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Ay but there you thought wrong again, <em>Amanda</em>; -you shou'd consider, that in Matters of Love Men's Eyes -are always bigger than their Bellies. They have violent -Appetites, 'tis true, but they have soon din'd.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Well; there's nothing upon Earth astonishes -me more than Men's Inconstancy.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Now there's nothing upon Earth astonishes me less, -when I consider what they and we are compos'd of. For -Nature has made them Children, and us Babies. Now, -<em>Amanda</em>, how we us'd our Babies, you may remember. -We were mad to have them, as soon as we saw them; -kiss'd them to pieces, as soon as we got them; then<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</a></span> -pull'd off their Clothes, saw them naked, and so threw -them away.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> But do you think all Men are of this Temper?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> All but one.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Who's that?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> <em>Worthy</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Why, he's weary of his Wife too, you see.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Ay, that's no Proof.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> What can be a greater?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Being weary of his Mistress.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Don't you think 'twere possible he might give -you that too?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Perhaps he might, if he were my Gallant; not -if he were your's.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Why do you think he shou'd be more constant -to me, than he wou'd to you? I'm sure I'm not so handsome.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Kissing goes by Favour; he likes you best.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Suppose he does; That's no Demonstration he -wou'd be constant to me.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> No, that I'll grant you: But there are other Reasons -to expect it; for you must know after all, <em>Amanda</em>, -the Inconstancy we commonly see in Men of Brains, does -not so much proceed from the Uncertainty of their Temper, -as from the Misfortunes of their Love. A Man sees, -perhaps, an hundred Women he likes well enough for an -Intrigue, and away; but possibly, thro' the whole Course -of his Life, does not find above one, who is exactly what -he could wish her: now her, 'tis a thousand to one, he -never gets. Either she is not to be had at all (tho' that -seldom happens, you'll say) or he wants those Opportunities -that are necessary to gain her; either she likes -somebody else much better than him, or uses him like a -Dog, because he likes no body so well as her. Still -something or other Fate claps in the way between them -and the Woman they are capable of being fond of. And -this makes them wander about from Mistress to Mistress, -like a Pilgrim from Town to Town, who every Night -must have a fresh lodging, and 's in haste to be gone in -the Morning.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Tis possible there may be something in what -you say; but what do you infer from it, as to the Man -we were talking of?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Why, I infer, that you being the Woman in the -World the most to his Humour, 'tis not likely he would -quit you for one that is less.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> That is not to be depended upon, for you see -Mr. <em>Loveless</em> does so.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> What does Mr. <em>Loveless</em> do?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Why, he runs after something for Variety, -I'm sure he does not like so well as he does me.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> That's more than you know, Madam.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> No, I'm sure on't: I am not very vain, <em>Berinthia</em>; -and yet I'll lay my Life, if I could look into -his Heart, he thinks I deserve to be prefer'd to a thousand -of her.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Don't be too positive in that neither: A Million -to one, but she has the same Opinion of you. What -wou'd you give to see her?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Hang her, dirty Trull; tho' I really believe -she's so ugly, she'd cure me of my Jealousy.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> All the Men of Sense about Town say she's -handsome.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> They are as often out in those things as any -People.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Then I'll give you further Proof——all the Women -about Town say, she's a Fool: Now I hope you -are convinc'd?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Whate'er she be, I'm satisfy'd he does not like -her well enough to bestow any thing more than a little -outward Gallantry upon her.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Outward Gallantry!—--[<em>Aside.</em>] I can't bear this. -[<em>To Aman.</em>] Don't you think she's a Woman to be -fobb'd off so. Come, I'm too much your Friend, to suffer -you should be thus grossly impos'd upon, by a Man -who does not deserve the least part about you, unless he -knew how to set a greater Value upon it. Therefore in -one word, to my certain knowledge, he is to meet her -now, within a quarter of an Hour, somewhere about that -<em>Babylon</em> of Wickedness, <em>Whitehall</em>. And if you'll give<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</a></span> -me your Word that you'll be content with seeing her -mask'd in his Hand, without pulling her Headclothes -off, I'll step immediately to the Person, from whom I -have my Intelligence, and send you word whereabouts -you may stand to see 'em meet. My Friend and I'll -watch 'em from another place, and dodge 'em to their -private Lodging: But don't you offer to follow 'em, lest -you do it awkwardly, and spoil all. I'll come home to -you again, as soon as I have earth'd 'em, and give -you an account in what corner of the House the Scene -of their Lewdness lies.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> If you can do this, <em>Berinthia</em>, he's a Villain.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> I can't help that, Men will be so.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Well! I'll follow your Directions; for I shall -never rest till I know the worst of this matter.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Pray, go immediately, and get yourself ready -then. Put on some of your Woman's Clothes, a great -Scarf and a Mask, and you shall presently receive Orders. -[<em>Calls within.</em>] Here, who's there? get me a Chair -quickly.</p> - -<p><em>Serv.</em> There are Chairs at the Door, Madam.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> 'Tis well, I'm coming.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> But pray, <em>Berinthia</em>, before you go, tell me -how I may know this filthy Thing, if she would be so -forward (as I suppose she will) to come to the Rendezvous -first; for, methinks, I would fain view her a little.</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> Why, she's about my heighth; and very well -shap'd.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> I thought she had been a little crooked?</p> - -<p><em>Ber.</em> O no, she's as straight as I am. But we lose -time, come away.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Young Fashion</span>, meeting <span class="antiqua">Lory</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Well, will the Doctor come?</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> Sir, I sent a Porter to him as you order'd me. -He found him with a Pipe of Tobacco and a great -Tankard of Ale, which he said he wou'd dispatch while -I cou'd tell three, and be here.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> He does not suspect 'twas I that sent for him?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[Pg 95]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> Not a Jot, Sir, he divines as little for himself, as -he does for other Folks.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Will he bring Nurse with him?</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> Yes.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> That's well; where's <em>Coupler</em>?</p> - -<p><em>Lo.</em> He's half way up the Stairs taking Breath; he -must play his Bellows a little, before he can get to the top.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Coupler</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> O here he is. Well, old Phthisick, the -Doctor's coming.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Wou'd the Pox had the Doctor——I'm quite -out of Wind [<em>To Lo.</em>] Set me a Chair, Sirrah. Ah——[<em>Sits -down.</em>] [<em>To Young Fash.</em>] Why the Plague can'st not -thou lodge upon the Ground-Floor?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Because I love to lie as near Heaven as I -can.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Pr'ythee let Heaven alone; ne'er affect tending -that way: Thy Center's downwards.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash</em>. That's impossible. I have too much ill -Luck in this World, to be damn'd in the next.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Thou art out in thy Logick. Thy Major is -true, but thy Minor is false; for thou art the luckiest -Fellow in the Universe.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash</em>. Make out that.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> I'll do't: Last Night the Devil ran away with -the Parson of <em>Fat-goose</em> Living.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> If he had run away with the Parish too, -what's that to me?</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> I'll tell thee what it's to thee. This Living is -worth five hundred Pound a-year, and the Presentation -of it is thine, if thou can'st prove thyself a lawful Husband -to Miss <em>Hoyden</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Say'st thou so, my Protector! then I'gad -I shall have a Brace of Evidences here presently.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> The Nurse and the Doctor?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> The same: The Devil himself won't -have Interest enough to make them withstand it.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> That we shall see presently: Here they come.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[Pg 96]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Nurse</span> and <span class="antiqua">Chaplain</span>; they start back, seeing <span class="antiqua">Young -Fashion</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Ah Goodness, <em>Roger</em>, we are betray'd.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> [<em>Laying hold on them.</em>] Nay, nay, ne'er -flinch for the matter; for I have you safe. Come to -your Trials immediately; I have no time to give you -Copies of your Indictment. There sits your Judge.—</p> - -<p><em>Both kneeling.</em> Pray, Sir, have Compassion on us.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> I hope, Sir, my Years will move your Pity; -I am an aged Woman.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> That is a moving Argument, indeed!</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> [<em>To Bull.</em>] Are not you a rogue of Sanctity?</p> - -<p><em>Bull.</em> Sir, with respect to my Function, I do wear a -Gown. I hope, Sir, my Character will be consider'd; -I am Heaven's Ambassador.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Did not you marry this vigorous young Fellow -to a plump young buxom Wench?</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> [<em>To Bull.</em>] Don't confess, <em>Roger</em>, unless you are -hard put to it, indeed?</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Come, out with't—Now is he chewing the Cud -of his Roguery, and grinding a Lye between his Teeth.</p> - -<p><em>Bull.</em> Sir,——I cannot positively say——I say, -Sir——positively I cannot say——</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Come, no Equivocation, no Roman Turns upon -us. Consider thou stand'st upon Protestant Ground, -which will slip from under thee like a <em>Tyburn</em> Car; for -in this Country we have always ten Hangmen for one -Jesuit.</p> - -<p><em>Bull.</em> [<em>To Young Fash.</em>] Pray, Sir, then will you but -permit me to speak one word in private with Nurse?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Thou art always for doing something in -private with Nurse.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> But pray let his Betters be serv'd before him -for once. I would do something in private with her -myself; <em>Lory</em>, take care of this Reverend Gownman in -the next Room a little. Retire, Priest. [<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Lo</span>. with -<span class="antiqua">Bull</span>.</em>]—Now, Virgin, I must put the matter home to -you a little: Do you think it might not be possible to -make you speak Truth?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[Pg 97]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Alas! Sir, I don't know what you mean by -Truth.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Nay,'tis possible thou may'st be a Stranger to it.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Come, Nurse, you and I were better -Friends when we saw one another last; and I still believe -you are a very good Woman in the bottom. I did deceive -you and your young Lady, 'tis true, but I always -design'd to make a very good Husband to her, and to be -a very good Friend to you. And 'tis possible in the end, -she might have found herself happier and you richer, than -ever my Brother will make you.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Brother! Why is your Worship then his Lordship's -Brother!</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> I am; which you should have known, if -I durst have staid to have told you; but I was forc'd to -take Horse a little in haste, you know.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> You were, indeed, Sir: poor young Man, how -he was bound to scaure for't. Now won't your Worship -be angry, if I confess the Truth to you; when I found -you were a Cheat (with respect be it spoken) I verily believ'd -Miss had got some pitiful Skip-Jack Varlet or -other to her Husband, or I had ne'er let her think of -marrying again.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> But where was your Conscience all this while, -Woman? Did not that stare you in the Face with huge -Saucer-eyes, and a great Horn upon the Forehead? Did -not you think you should be damn'd for such a Sin? -Ha!</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Well said, Divinity, press that home upon -her.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Why, in good truly, Sir, I had some fearful -Thoughts on't, and cou'd never be brought to consent, -till Mr. <em>Bull</em> said it was a <em>Peckadilla</em>, and he'd secure my -Soul for a Tythe-Pig.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> There was a Rogue for you.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> And he shall thrive accordingly: He shall have -a good Living. Come, honest <em>Nurse</em>, I see you have -Butter in your Compound; you can melt. Some Compassion -you can have of this handsome young Fellow.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[Pg 98]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> I have, indeed, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Why, then, I'll tell you what you shall do -for me. You know what a warm Living here is fallen; -and that it must be in the Disposal of him who has the -Disposal of Miss. Now if you and the Doctor will agree -to prove my Marriage, I'll present him to it, upon condition -he makes you his Bride.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Naw the Blessing of the Lord follow your -good Worship both by Night and by Day! Let him be -fetch'd in by the Ears; I'll soon bring his Nose to the -Grindstone.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Well said, old Whit-Leather. Hey; -bring in the Prisoner there.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Lory</span> with <span class="antiqua">Bull</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Come, advance, holy Man! Here's your Duck -does not think fit to retire with you into the Chancel at -this time; but she has a Proposal to make to you in the -Face of the Congregation. Come, <em>Nurse</em>, speak for -yourself; you are of Age.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> <em>Roger</em>, are not you a wicked Man, <em>Roger</em>, to -set your Strength against a weak Woman, and persuade -her it was no Sin to conceal Miss's Nuptials? My Conscience -flies in my Face for it, thou Priest of <em>Baal</em>; and -I find by woful Experience, thy Absolution is not worth -an old Cassock: therefore I am resolved to confess the -Truth to the whole World, tho' I die a Beggar for it. -But his Worship overflows with his Mercy, and his -Bounty: He is not only pleas'd to forgive us our Sins, -but designs thou sha't squat thee down in <em>Fat-goose</em> Living; -and, which is more than all, has prevail'd with me -to become the Wife of thy Bosom.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> All this I intend for you, Doctor. What -you are to do for me, I need not tell you.</p> - -<p><em>Bull.</em> Your Worship's Goodness is unspeakable: Yet -there is one thing seems a Point of Conscience; and -Conscience is a tender Babe. If I shou'd bind myself, -for the sake of this Living, to marry <em>Nurse</em>, and maintain -her afterwards, I doubt it might be look'd on as a -kind of Simony.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[Pg 99]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> [<em>Rising up.</em>] If it were Sacrilege, the Living's -worth it: Therefore no more Words, good Doctor: but -with the [<em>Giving <span class="antiqua">Nurse</span> to him.</em>] Parish——here——take -the Parsonage-house. 'Tis true, 'tis a little out of Repair; -some Dilapidations there are to be made good; -the Windows are broke, the Wainscot is warp'd, the -Ceilings are peel'd, and the Walls are crack'd; but a -little Glasing, Painting, White-wash, and Plaster, will -make it last thy time.</p> - -<p><em>Bull.</em> Well, Sir, if it must be so, I shan't contend: -What Providence orders, I submit to.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> And so do I, with all Humility.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Why, that now was spoke like good People. -Come, my Turtle-Doves, let us go help this poor Pigeon -to his wandering Mate again: and after Institution and -Induction, you shall all go a-cooing together.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Amanda</span>, in a Scarf, &c. as just returned, her -Woman following her.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Pr'ythee, what care I who has been here?</p> - -<p><em>Wom.</em> Madam, 'twas my Lady <em>Bridle</em>, and my Lady -<em>Tiptoe</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> My Lady <em>Fiddle</em>, and my Lady <em>Faddle</em>. What -dost stand troubling me with the Visits of a parcel of -impertinent Women? When they are well seam'd with -the Small Pox, they won't be so fond of shewing their -Faces——There are more Coquettes about this Town—</p> - -<p><em>Wom.</em> Madam, I suppose, they only came to return -your Ladyship's Visit, according to the Custom of the -World.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Wou'd the World were on Fire, and you in -the middle on't! Be gone: leave me.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Wom.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em><span class="antiqua">Amanda</span> sola.</em> -</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">At last I am convinc'd. My Eyes are Testimonies of his Falshood.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The base, ungrateful, perjur'd Villain——<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Good Gods—What slippery Stuff are Men compos'd of!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Sure the Account of their Creation's false,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And 'twas the Woman's Rib that they were form'd of.<br /></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[Pg 100]</a></span> -<span class="i0">But why am I thus angry?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">This poor Relapse shou'd only move my Scorn.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">'Tis true, the roving Flights of his unfinish'd Youth<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Had strong Excuses from the Plea of Nature:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Reason had thrown the Reins loose on his Neck,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And slipt him to unlimited Desire.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If therefore he went wrong, he had a Claim<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To my Forgiveness, and I did him right.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But since the Years of Manhood rein him in,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And Reason, well digested into Thought,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Has pointed out the Course he ought to run;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If now he strays,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">'Twou'd be as weak and mean in me to pardon,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">As it has been in him t' offend. But hold:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">'Tis an ill Cause indeed, where nothing's to be said for't.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">My Beauty possibly is in the Wain:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Perhaps Sixteen has greater Charms for him:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Yes, there's the Secret. But let him know,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">My Quiver's not entirely empty'd yet,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I still have Darts, and I can shoot 'em too;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">They're not so blunt, but they can enter still;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The Want's not in my Power, but in my Will.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Virtue's his Friend; or, thro' another's Heart,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I yet cou'd find the way to make his smart.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Going off, she meets <span class="antiqua">Worthy</span>.</em></p> - -<p>Ha! He here? Protect me, Heaven, for this looks -ominous.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> You seem disorder'd, Madam; I hope there's -no Misfortune happen'd to you?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> None that will long disorder me, I hope.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Whate'er it be disturbs you, I wou'd to Heaven -'twere in my Power to bear the Pain, till I were able to -remove the Cause.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> I hope ere long it will remove itself. At least, -I have given it warning to be gone.</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Wor.</em> Wou'd I durst ask, Where 'tis the Thorn torments you?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Forgive me, if I grow inquisitive;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">'Tis only with desire to give you Ease.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Alas! 'tis in a tender Part. It can't be drawn<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[Pg 101]</a></span> -without a World of Pain: Yet out it must; for it begins -to fester in my Heart.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> If 'tis the Sting of unrequited Love, remove it -instantly: I have a Balm will quickly heal the Wound.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> You'll find the Undertaking difficult: The Surgeon -who already has attempted it, has much tormented -me.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> I'll aid him with a gentler Hand—if you will -give me leave.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> How soft soe'er the Hand may be, there still -is Terror in the Operation.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Some few Preparatives would make it easy, -could I persuade you to apply 'em. Make Home Reflections, -Madam, on your slighted Love: Weigh well -the Strength and Beauty of your Charms: Rouse up -that Spirit Women ought to bear, and slight your God, -if he neglects his Angel. With Arms of Ice receive his -cold Embraces, and keep your Fire for those who come -in Flames. Behold a burning Lover at your Feet, his -Fever raging in his Veins. See how he trembles, how -he pants! See how he glows, how he consumes! Extend -the Arms of Mercy to his Aid: his Zeal may give -him Title to your Pity, altho' his Merit cannot claim -your Love.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Of all my feeble Sex, sure I must be the -weakest, shou'd I again presume to think on Love. -[<em>Sighing.</em>]—Alas! my Heart has been too roughly -treated.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> 'Twill find the greater Bliss in softer Usage.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> But where's that Usage to be found?</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> 'Tis here, within this faithful Breast; which if -you doubt, I'll rip it up before your Eyes; lay all its -Secrets open to your View; and then you'll see 'twas -sound.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> With just such honest Words as these, the worst -of Men deceiv'd me.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> He therefore merits all Revenge can do: his -Fault is such, the Extent and Stretch of Vengeance cannot -reach it. O make me but your Instrument of Jus<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[Pg 102]</a></span>tice; -you'll find me execute it with such Zeal, as shall -convince you I abhor the Crime.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> The Rigour of an Executioner has more the -Face of Cruelty than Justice: And he who puts the -Cord about the Wretch's Neck, is seldom known to exceed -him in his Morals.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> What Proof then can I give you of my Truth?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> There is on Earth but one.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> And is that in my Power?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> It is: And one that would so thoroughly convince -me, I should be apt to rate your Heart so high, I -possibly might purchase't with a part of mine.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Then, Heav'n, thou art my Friend, and I am -blest; for if 'tis in my Power, my Will I'm sure will -reach it. No matter what the Terms may be, when -such a Recompence is offer'd. O tell me quickly what -this Proof must be! What is it will convince you of my -Love?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> I shall believe you love me as you ought, if -from this Moment, you forbear to ask whatever is unfit -for me to grant.——You pause upon it, Sir——I -doubt on such hard Terms, a Woman's Heart is scarcely -worth the having.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> A Heart like yours, on any Terms is worth it; -'twas not on that I paus'd: But I was thinking [<em>Drawing -nearer to her.</em>] whether some things there may not be, -which Women cannot grant without a Blush, and yet -which Men may take without Offence. [<em>Taking her -Hand.</em>] Your Hand I fancy may be of the Number: O -pardon me, if I commit a Rape upon it, [<em>Kissing it eagerly.</em>] -and thus devour it with my Kisses!</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> O Heavens! let me go.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Never, whilst I have Strength to hold you here. -[<em>Forcing her to sit down on a Couch.</em>] My Life, my Soul, -my Goddess——O forgive me!</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> O whither am I going? Help, Heaven, or I -am lost.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Stand neuter, Gods, this once I do invoke you.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Then, save me, Virtue, and the Glory's thine.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Nay, never strive.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[Pg 103]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> I will; and conquer too. My Forces rally -bravely to my Aid, [<em>Breaking from him.</em>] and thus I gain -the Day.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Then mine as bravely double their Attack. -[<em>Seizing her again.</em>] And thus I wrest it from you. Nay, -struggle not; for all's in vain: On Death or victory; -I am determin'd.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> And so am I. [<em>Rushing from him.</em>] Now keep -your distance, or we part for ever.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> [<em>Offering again.</em>] For Heaven's sake——</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> [<em>Going.</em>] Nay then, farewel.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> [<em>Kneeling and holding by her Clothes.</em>] O stay, -and see the Magick Force of Love: Behold this raging -Lion at your Feet, struck dead with Fear, and tame -as Charms can make him. What must I do to be forgiven -by you?</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Repent, and never more offend.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Repentance for past Crimes is just and easy; -but sin no more's a Task too hard for Mortals.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Yet those who hope for Heaven, must use their -best Endeavours to perform it.</p> - -<p><em>Wor.</em> Endeavours we may use, but Flesh and Blood -are got in t'other Scale; and they are pond'rous things.</p> - -<p><em>Aman.</em> Whate'er they are, there is a Weight in Resolution -sufficient for their Balance. The Soul, I do confess, -is usually so careless of its Charge, so soft, and so -indulgent to Desire, it leaves the Reins in the wild -Hand of Nature, who, like a <em>Phaeton</em>, drives the fiery -Chariot, and sets the World on Flame. Yet still the -Sovereignty is in the Mind, whene'er it pleases to exert -its Force. Perhaps you may not think it worth your -while to take such mighty pains for my Esteem; but -that I leave to you.</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">You see the Price I set upon my Heart; <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Perhaps 'tis dear: But spite of all your Art, <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">You'll find on cheaper Terms we ne'er shall part. <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[Pg 104]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Amanda</span>.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em><span class="antiqua">Worthy</span> solus</em>. -</p> - -<p>Sure there's Divinity about her; and she'as dispens'd -some portion on't to me. For what but now was the -wild Flame of Love, or (to dissect that specious Term) -the vile, the gross Desires of Flesh and Blood, is in a -Moment turn'd to Adoration. The coarser Appetite of -Nature's gone, and 'tis, methinks, the Food of Angels -I require: how long this Influence may last, Heaven -knows. But in this Moment of my Purity, I cou'd on -her own Terms accept her Heart. Yes, lovely Woman, -I can accept it. For now 'tis doubly worth my Care. -Your Charms are much increas'd, since thus adorn'd. -When Truth's extorted from us, then we own the Robe -of Virtue is a graceful Habit.</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Cou'd Women but our secret Counsels scan,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Cou'd they but reach the deep Reserves of Man,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">They'd wear it on, that That of Love might last;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For when they throw off one, we soon the other cast.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Their Sympathy is such——<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The Fate of one, the other scarce can fly—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">They live together, and together die.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Miss</span> and <span class="antiqua">Nurse</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> But is it sure and certain, say you, he's my -Lord's own Brother?</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> As sure, as he's your lawful Husband.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> I'cod, if I had known that in time, I don't -know but I might have kept him; For, between you -and I, Nurse, he'd have made a Husband worth two of -this I have. But which do you think you shou'd fancy -most, Nurse?</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Why, truly, in my poor fancy, Madam, your -first Husband is the prettier Gentleman.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> I don't like my Lord's Shapes, Nurse.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Why in good truly, as a body may say, he is -but a Slam.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> What do you think now he puts me in mind of? -Don't you remember a long, loose, shambling sort of a -Horse my Father call'd <em>Washy</em>?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[Pg 105]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> As like as two Twin-Brothers.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> I'cod, I have thought so a hundred times: -'Faith, I'm tired of him.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Indeed, Madam, I think you had e'en as good -stand to your first Bargain.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> O but, Nurse, we han't considered the main -thing yet. If I leave my Lord, I must leave my Lady -too: and when I rattle about the Streets in my Coach, -they'll only say, there goes Mistress——Mistress——Mistress -what? What's this Man's Name, I have married, -Nurse?</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> 'Squire <em>Fashion</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> 'Squire <em>Fashion</em> is it?——Well, 'Squire, that's -better than nothing: Do you think one cou'd not get -him made a Knight, Nurse?</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> I don't know but one might, Madam, when -the King's in a good Humour.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> I'cod, that wou'd do rarely. For then he'd be -as good a Man as my Father, you know.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> By'r Lady, and that's as good as the best of 'em.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> So 'tis, faith; for then I shall be my Lady, and -your Ladyship at every Word, that's all I have to care -for. Ha, Nurse! But hark you me, one thing more, -and then I have done. I'm afraid, if I change my Husband -again, I shan't have so much Money to throw about, -Nurse.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> O, enough's as good as a Feast: Besides, Madam, -one don't know, but as much may fall to your -share with the younger Brother, as with the elder. For -tho' these Lords have a power of Wealth, indeed; yet as -I have heard say, they give it all to their Sluts and their -Trulls, who joggle it about in their Coaches, with a -Murrain to 'em, whilst poor Madam sits sighing and wishing, -and knotting and crying, and has not a spare Half-Crown -to buy her a <em>Practice of Piety</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> O, but for that, don't deceive yourself, Nurse. -For this I must [<em>Snapping her Fingers.</em>] say for my Lord, -and a——for him: He's as free as an open House at -<em>Christmas</em>. For this very Morning he told me, I shou'd -have two hundred a-year to buy Pins. Now, Nurse, if<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[Pg 106]</a></span> -he gives me two hundred a-year to buy Pins, what do -you think he'll give me to buy fine Petticoats?</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Ah, my Dearest, he deceives these faully, and -he's no better than a Rogue for his pains. These <em>Londoners</em> -have got a Gibberidge with them, would confound -a Gipsey. That which they call Pin-money, is -to buy their Wives every thing in the varsal World, -down to their very Shoe-tyes? Nay, I have heard Folks -say, That some Ladies, if they will have Gallants, as -they call 'em, are forc'd to find them out of their Pin-money -too.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> Has he serv'd me so, say ye?——Then I'll be -his Wife no longer, that's fixt. Look, here he comes, -with all the fine Folks at 's heels. I'cod, Nurse, these -<em>London</em> Ladies will laugh till they crack again, to see -me slip my Collar, and run away from my Husband. -But, d'ye hear? Pray take care of one thing: When -the Business comes to break out, be sure you get between -me and my Father, for you know his Tricks; he'll -knock me down.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> I'll mind him, ne'er fear, Madam.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Lord <span class="antiqua">Foppington</span>, <span class="antiqua">Loveless</span>, <span class="antiqua">Worthy</span>, <span class="antiqua">Amanda</span>, -and <span class="antiqua">Berinthia</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Ladies and Gentlemen, you are all welcome. -[<em>To</em> Lov.] <em>Loveless</em>——That's my Wife; pr'ythee -do me the favour to salute her: And do'st hear, [<em>Aside to -him.</em>] if thau hast a mind to try thy Fartune, to be reveng'd -of me, I won't take it ill, stap my Vitals.</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> You need not fear, Sir, I'm too fond of my -own Wife, to have the least Inclination for yours.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>All salute Miss.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] I'd give a thausand Paund he wou'd -make Love to her, that he may see she has sense enough -to prefer me to him, tho' his own Wife has not: [<em>Viewing -him.</em>]—He's a very beastly Fellow, in my Opinion.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] What a Power of fine Men there are in -this <em>London</em>! He that kist me first, is a goodly Gentleman, -I promise you: Sure those Wives have a rare -time on't, that live here always.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[Pg 107]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Sir <span class="antiqua">Tunbelly</span>, with Musicians, Dancers, <span class="antiqua">&c.</span></em> -</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Come, come in, good People, come in; come, -tune your Fiddles, tune your Fiddles.</p> - -<p><em>To the Hautboys.</em>] Bag-pipes, make ready there. Come, -strike up.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Sings.</em></p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>For this is <span class="antiqua">Hoyden</span>'s Wedding-day;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And therefore we keep Holy-day,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>And come to be merry.</em><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p>Ha! there's my Wench, I'faith: Touch and take, I'll -warrant her; she'll breed like a tame Rabbit.</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] I'cod, I think my Father's gotten drunk -before Supper.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Lov</span>. and <span class="antiqua">Wor</span>.</em>] Gentlemen, you are welcome. -[<em>Saluting <span class="antiqua">Aman</span>. and <span class="antiqua">Ber</span>.</em>] Ladies, by your leave. -Ha——They bill like Turtles. Udsookers, they set -my old Blood a-fire; I shall cuckold some body before -Morning.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> [<em>To Sir <span class="antiqua">Tun</span>.</em>] Sir, you being Master of the -Entertainment, will you desire the Company to sit?</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Oons, Sir,——I'm the happiest Man on this -side the <em>Ganges</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] This is a mighty unaccountable old -Fellow. [<em>To Sir <span class="antiqua">Tun</span>.</em>] I said, Sir, it wou'd be convenient -to ask the Company to sit.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Sit——with all my heart: Come, take your -places, Ladies; take your places, Gentlemen: Come, -sit down, sit down; a Pox of Ceremony, take your -places.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>They sit, and the Mask begins.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter">Dialogue between <em>Cupid</em> and <em>Hymen</em>. -</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Cupid. 1.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Thou Bane to my Empire, thou Spring of Contest,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Thou Source of all Discord, thou Period to Rest;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Instruct me what Wretches in Bondage can see,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>That the Aim of their Life is still pointed to thee.</em><br /></span> -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[Pg 108]</a></span></div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Hymen. 2.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Instruct me, thou little impertinent God,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>From whence all thy Subjects have taken the Mode</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To grow fond of a Change, to whatever it be,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And I'll tell thee why those wou'd be bound, who are free.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i24">Chorus.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>For Change, we're for Change, to whatever it be,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>We are neither contented with Freedom nor Thee.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Constancy's an empty Sound,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Heaven, and Earth, and all go round,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>All the Works of Nature move,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>And the Joys of Life and Love</em><br /></span> -<span class="i8"><em>Are in Variety.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Cupid. 3.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Were Love the Reward of a pains-taking Life,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Had a Husband the Art to be fond of his Wife;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Were Virtue so plenty, a Wife cou'd afford,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>These very hard Times, to be true to her Lord;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Some specious Account might be given of those</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Who are ty'd by the Tail, to be led by the Nose.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i18">4.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>But since 'tis the Fate of a Man and his Wife,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To consume all their Days in Contention and Strife:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Since whatever the Bounty of Heaven may create her,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He's morally sure he shall heartily hate her;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>I think 'twere much wiser to ramble at large,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And the Volleys of Love on the Herd to discharge.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Hymen. 5.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Some colour of Reason thy Counsel might bear,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Cou'd a Man have no more than his Wife to his share;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Or were I a Monarch so cruelly just,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To oblige a poor Wife to be true to her Trust;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But I have not pretended, for many Years past,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>By marrying of People, to make 'em grow chaste.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i18">6.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>I therefore advise thee to let me go on,</em><br /></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[Pg 109]</a></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Thou'd find I'm the Strength and Support of thy Throne;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>For hadst thou but Eyes, thou wouldst quickly perceive it,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>How smoothly the Dart</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Slips into the Heart</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Of a Woman that's Wed;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Whilst the shivering Maid</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Stands trembling, and wishing, but dare not receive it.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i24">Chorus.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i8"><em>For Change,</em> &c.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>The Mask ended, enter <span class="antiqua">Young Fash</span>, <span class="antiqua">Coupler</span>, and <span class="antiqua">Bull</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> So, very fine, very fine, i'faith; this is -something like a Wedding; now if Supper were but -ready, I'd say a short Grace; and if I had such a Bedfellow -as <em>Hoyden</em> to night——I'd say as short Prayers.</p> - -<p><em>Seeing Young Fash.</em> How now——what have we got -here? A Ghost? Nay, it must be so; for his Flesh and -Blood cou'd never have dar'd to appear before me. [<em>To -him.</em>] Ah, Rogue——</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Stap my Vitals, <em>Tam</em> again?</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> My Lord, will you cut his Throat? Or shall I?</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Leave him to me, Sir, if you please. -Pr'ythee, <em>Tam</em>, be so ingenuous now, as to tell me what -thy Business is here?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> 'Tis with your Bride.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Thau art the impudent'st Fellow that Nature -has yet spawn'd into the Warld, strike me speechless.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Why you know my Modesty wou'd have -starv'd me; I sent it a-begging to you, and you wou'd -not give it a Groat.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> And dost thau expect by an excess of Assurance -to extart a Maintenance fram me?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> [<em>Taking Miss by the Hand.</em>] I do intend to -extort your Mistress from you, and that I hope will prove -one.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> I ever thaught <em>Newgate</em> or <em>Bedlam</em> wou'd -be his Fartune, and naw his Fate's decided. Pr'ythee, -<em>Loveless</em>, dost knaw of ever a Mad Doctor hard by?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> There's one at your Elbow will cure you -presently.</p> - -<p><em>To Bull.</em> Pr'ythee, Doctor, take him in hand quickly.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[Pg 110]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Shall I beg the Favour of you, Sir, to pull -your Fingers out of my Wife's Hand?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> His Wife! Look you there; now I hope -you are all satisfy'd he's mad.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Naw is it not impassible far me to penetrate -what Species of Fally it is thou art driving at?</p> - -<p><em>Sir Tun.</em> Here, here, here, let me beat out his Brains, -and that will decide all.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> No, pray, Sir, hold, we'll destray him presently -according to Law.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> [<em>To</em> Bull.] Nay, then advance, Doctor: -come, you are a Man of Conscience, answer boldly to -the Questions I shall ask: Did not you marry me to -this young Lady, before ever that Gentleman there saw -her Face?</p> - -<p><em>Bull.</em> Since the Truth must out, I did.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Nurse, sweet Nurse, were not you a Witness -to it?</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Since my Conscience bids me speak——I was.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> [<em>To Miss.</em>] Madam, am not I your lawful -Husband?</p> - -<p><em>Miss.</em> Truly I can't tell, but you married me first.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Now I hope you are all satisfy'd?</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> [<em>Offering to strike him, is held by <span class="antiqua">Lov</span>. and <span class="antiqua">Wor</span>.</em>] -Oons and Thunder, you lye.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Pray, Sir, be calm, the Battle is in Disarder, -but requires more Canduct than Courage to rally our -Forces. Pray, Dactar, one word with you.</p> - -<p><em>To</em> Bull [<em>Aside.</em>] Look you, Sir, tho' I will not presume -to calculate your Notions of Damnation, fram the -Description you give us of Hell, yet since there is at -least a passibility you may have a Pitchfark thrust in -your Backside, methinks, it shou'd not be worth your -while to risk your Saul in the next Warld, for the sake -of a beggarly yaunger Brather, who is nat able to make -your Bady happy in this.</p> - -<p><em>Bull.</em> Alas! my Lord, I have no worldly Ends; I -speak the Truth, Heaven knows.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> Nay, pr'ythee, never engage Heaven in the -matter; far, by all I can see, 'tis like to prove a Business -for the Devil.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[Pg 111]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Come, pray, Sir, all above-board, no corrupting -of Evidences; if you please, this young Lady -is my lawful Wife, and I'll justify it in all the Courts of -<em>England</em>; so your Lordship (who always had a Passion -for Variety) may go seek a new Mistress, if you -think fit.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> I am struck dumb with his Impudence, and -cannot passitively tell whether ever I shall speak again, -or nat.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Then let me come and examine the Business -a little, I'll jerk the Truth out of 'em presently; here, -give me my Dog-Whip.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Look you, old Gentleman, 'tis in vain to -make a Noise; if you grow mutinous, I have some -Friends within Call, have Swords by their Sides, above -four Foot long; therefore be calm, hear the Evidence -patiently, and when the Jury have given their Verdict, -pass Sentence according to Law: Here's honest -<em>Coupler</em> shall be Foreman, and ask as many Questions as -he pleases.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> All I have to ask is, whether Nurse persists in -her Evidence? The Parson, I dare swear, will never -flinch from his.</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> [<em>To Sir <span class="antiqua">Tun</span>. kneeling.</em>] I hope in Heaven your -Worship will pardon me; I have served you long and -faithfully, but in this thing I was over-reach'd; your -Worship, however, was deceiv'd as, well as I; and if the -Wedding-Dinner had been ready, you had put Madam -to Bed with him with your own Hands.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> But how durst you do this, without acquainting -of me?</p> - -<p><em>Nurse.</em> Alas! if your Worship had seen how the poor -Thing begg'd, and pray'd, and clung, and twin'd about -me, like Ivy to an old Wall, you wou'd say, I who had -suckled it, and swaddled it, and nurst it both wet and -dry, must have had a Heart of Adamant to refuse it.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Very well.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Foreman, I expect your Verdict.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Ladies and Gentlemen, what's your Opinions?</p> - -<p><em>All.</em> A clear Case, a clear Case.</p> - -<p><em>Coup.</em> Then, my young Folks, I wish you Joy.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[Pg 112]</a></span></p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> [<em>To</em> Young Fash.] Come hither, Stripling; -if it be true, then, that thou hast marry'd my Daughter, -pr'ythee tell me who thou art?</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Sir, the best of my Condition is, I am -your Son-in-law; and the worst of it is, I am Brother -to that Noble Peer there.</p> - -<p>Sir <em>Tun.</em> Art thou Brother to that Noble Peer——Why -then, that Noble Peer, and thee, and thy Wife, -and the Nurse, and the Priest——may all go and be -damn'd together.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Sir <span class="antiqua">Tun</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lord Fop.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Naw, for my part, I think the -wisest thing a Man can do with an aking Heart, is to put -on a serene Countenance; for a Philosaphical Air is the -most becoming thing in the Warld to the Face of a -Person of Quality; I will therefore bear my Disgrace -like a Great Man, and let the People see I am above an -Affrant. [<em>To</em> Young Fash.] Dear <em>Tam</em>, since Things are -thus fallen aut, pr'ythee give me leave to wish thee Jay. -I do it <em>de bon Cœur</em>, strike me dumb: you have marry'd -a Woman beautiful in her Person, charming in her -Airs, prudent in her Canduct, canstant in her Inclinations, -and of a nice Marality, split my Wind-pipe.</p> - -<p><em>Young Fash.</em> Your Lardship may keep up your Spirits -with your Grimace, if you please; I shall support mine -with this Lady, and two thousand Pound a-year.</p> - -<p><em>Taking Miss.</em>] Come, Madam:</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">We once again, you see, are Man and Wife,<br /></span> -<span class="i2">And now, perhaps, the Bargain's struck for Life:<br /></span> -<span class="i2">If I mistake, and we shou'd part again.<br /></span> -<span class="i2">At least you see you may have choice of Men:<br /></span> -<span class="i2">Nay, shou'd the War at length such Havock make,<br /></span> -<span class="i2">That Lovers shou'd grow scarce, yet for your sake,<br /></span> -<span class="i2">Kind Heaven always will preserve a Beau—<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p> -<em>Pointing to</em> Lord Fop.] You'll find his Lordship ready to come to.}<br /> -<span style="margin-left: 36.5em;">}</span><br /> -<em>Lord Fop.</em> Her Ladyship shall stap my Vitals, if I do. }<br /> -</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[Pg 113]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-127.jpg" width="700" height="68" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="EPILOGUE2" id="EPILOGUE2">EPILOGUE,</a></h3> - - -<p class="directcenter">Spoken by</p> - -<p class="directcenter">Lord <span class="smcap">Foppington</span>. -</p> - -<p> -Gentlemen and Ladies,<br /> -</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em><span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">T</span>hese</span> People have regal'd you here to-day</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>(In my Opinion) with a saucy Play;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>In which the Author does presume to shew,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>That Coxcomb,</em> ab Origine—<em>was Beau.</em><br /></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[Pg 114]</a></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Truly I think the thing of so much weight,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>That if some sharp Chastisement ben't his Fate,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Gad's Curse, it may in time destroy the State.</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>I hold no one its Friend, I must confess,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Who wou'd discauntenance you Men of Dress.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Far, give me leave t'abserve, good Clothes are Things</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Have ever been of great Support to Kings:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>All Treasons come fram Slovens; it is nat</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Within the reach of Gentle Beaux to plat;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>They have no Gall; no Spleen, no Teeth, no Stings,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Of all Gad's Creatures, the most harmless Things.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Thro' all Recard, no Prince was ever slain</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>By one who had a Feather in his Brain,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>They're Men of too refin'd an Education,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To squabble with a Court—for a vile dirty Nation.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>I'm very pasitive, you never saw</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>A tho'ro' Republican a finish'd Beau.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Nor truly shall you very often see</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>A <span class="antiqua">Jacobite</span> much better drest than he:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>In short, thro' all the Courts that I have been in,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Your Men of Mischief—still are in faul Linen.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Did ever one yet dance the <span class="antiqua">Tyburn</span> Jigg,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>With a free Air, or a well pawder'd Wig?</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Did ever Highway-man yet bid you stand,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>With a sweet bawdy Snuff-Box in his Hand?</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Ar do you ever find they ask your Purse</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>As Men of Breeding do?——Ladies, Gad's Curse,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>This Author is a Dag, and 'tis not fit</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>You shou'd allow him e'en one Grain of Wit:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To which, that his Pretence may ne'er be nam'd,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>My humble Motion is——he may be damn'd.</em><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/wingding-128.jpg" width="700" height="436" alt="" /> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[Pg 115]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-129.jpg" width="700" height="72" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h2><a name="THE3" id="THE3">THE</a><br /> - -PROVOK'D WIFE.<br /> - -A<br /> - -COMEDY.</h2> - - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-129.jpg" width="700" height="72" alt="" /> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[Pg 116]</a><br /><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[Pg 117]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-131.jpg" width="700" height="76" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="PROLOGUE3" id="PROLOGUE3">PROLOGUE.</a></h3> - - -<p class="directcenter">Spoken by Mrs. <em>Bracegirdle</em>. -</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em><span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">S</span>ince</span> 'tis th' Intent and Business of the Stage,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To copy out the Follies of the Age;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To hold to every Man a faithful Glass,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And shew him of what Species he's an Ass:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>I hope the next that teaches in the School,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Will shew our Author he's a scribbling Fool.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And that the Satire may be sure to bite,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Kind Heav'n! inspire some venom'd Priest to write,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And grant some ugly Lady may indite.</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>For I wou'd have him lash'd, by Heavens! I wou'd,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Till his Presumption swam away in Blood.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Three Plays at once proclaim a Face of Brass,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>No matter what they are; That's not the Case—</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To write three Plays, e'en that's to be an Ass.</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But what I least forgive, he knows it too,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>For to his Cost he lately has known you—</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Experience shews, to many a Writer's Smart,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>You hold a Court where Mercy ne'er had part;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>So much of the old Serpent's Sting you have,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>You love to Damn, as Heaven delights to Save.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>In foreign Parts, let a bold Volunteer,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>For Public Good, upon the Stage appear,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He meets ten thousand Smiles to dissipate his Fear.</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>All tickle on th' adventuring young Beginner,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And only scourge th' incorrigible Sinner;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>They touch indeed his Faults, but with a Hand</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>So gentle, that his Merit still may stand;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Kindly they buoy the Follies of his Pen,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>That he may shun 'em when he writes again.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But 'tis not so in this good-natur'd Town,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>All's one, an Ox, a Poet, or a Crown;</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Old <span class="antiqua">England</span>'s Play was always knocking down.</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -</div></div> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[Pg 118]</a></span></p> -<div class="chapter"></div> -<hr class="chap" /> - - - - -<h3><a name="Dramatis_Personae3" id="Dramatis_Personae3">Dramatis Personæ.</a></h3> - - -<div class="center"> -<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Dramatis Personæ"> - <tr> - <th colspan="2">MEN.</th> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Constant</em>,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Verbruggen</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Heartfree</em>,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Hudson</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>Sir <em>John Brute</em>,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Betterton</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Treble</em>, a Singing-Master,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Bowman</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Rasor</em>, Valet de Chambre to Sir <em>John Brute</em>,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Bowen</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>Justice of the Peace,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Bright</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>Lord <em>Rake</em>,</td> - <td rowspan="2" class="bl">Companions to Sir <em>John Brute</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>Col. <em>Bully</em>,</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td colspan="2" class="tdc">Constable <em>and</em> Watch.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <th colspan="2">WOMEN.</th> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>Lady <em>Brute</em>,</td> - <td>Mrs. <em>Barry</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Belinda</em>, her Niece,</td> - <td>Mrs. <em>Bracegirdle</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>Lady <em>Fancyfull</em>,</td> - <td>Mrs. <em>Bowman</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Madamoiselle</em>,</td> - <td>Mrs. <em>Willis</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Cornet</em> and <em>Pipe</em>, Servants to Lady <em>Fancyfull</em>.</td> - </tr> -</table></div> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[Pg 119]</a></span> -<img src="images/bar-133.jpg" width="700" height="81" alt="" /> -</div> - -<p class="ph2">THE<br /> -PROVOK'D WIFE. -</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-023b.jpg" width="700" height="37" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="ACT_I_SCENE_I3" id="ACT_I_SCENE_I3"><em class="gesperrt">ACT</em> I. <em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em> I.</a></h3> - -<p class="directcenter"><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>Sir <span class="antiqua">John Brute</span>'s House</em>. -</p> - - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Sir <span class="antiqua">John</span>, solus.</em> -</p> - -<p class="drop-capw"><span class="smcap">What</span> cloying Meat is Love—when Matrimony's -the Sauce to it! Two Years Marriage -has debauch'd my five Senses. Every thing I see, every -thing I hear, every thing I feel, every thing I smell, -and every thing I taste—methinks has Wife in't. No -Boy was ever so weary of his Tutor, no Girl of her Bib, -no Nun of doing Penance, or old Maid of being chaste, -as I am of being married. Sure there's a secret Curse -entail'd upon the very Name of Wife. My Lady is a -young Lady, a fine Lady, a witty Lady, a virtuous -Lady,—and yet I hate her. There is but one thing -on Earth I loath beyond her: That's Fighting. Would -my Courage come up to a fourth part of my Ill-Nature, -I'd stand buff to her Relations, and thrust her out of -doors. But Marriage has sunk me down to such an Ebb -of Resolution, I dare not draw my Sword, tho' even to -get rid of my Wife. But here she comes.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[Pg 120]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Lady Brute</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Do you dine at home to-day, Sir <em>John</em>?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Why, do you expect I should tell you -what I don't know myself?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> I thought there was no harm in asking you.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> If thinking wrong were an excuse for Impertinence, -Women might be justify'd in most things -they say or do.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> I'm sorry I have said any thing to displease -you.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sorrow for things past is of as little importance -to me, as my dining at home or abroad ought to -be to you.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> My Enquiry was only that I might have -provided what you lik'd.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Six to four you had been in the wrong -there again; for what I lik'd yesterday I don't like to-day; -and what I like to-day, 'tis odds I mayn't like -to-morrow.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> But if I had ask'd you what you lik'd?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Why then there wou'd have been more asking -about it than the thing was worth.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> I wish I did but know how I might please -you.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Ay, but that sort of Knowledge is not a -Wife's Talent.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Whate'er my Talent is, I'm sure my Will -has ever been to make you easy.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> If Women were to have their Wills, the -World wou'd be finely govern'd.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> What reason have I given you to use me -as you do of late? It once was otherwise: You marry'd -me for Love.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> And you me for Money: So you have your -Reward, and I have mine.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> What is it that disturbs you?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> A Parson.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Why, what has he done to you?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> He has married me.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[Pg 121]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Sir <span class="antiqua">John</span>.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Lady <span class="antiqua">Brute</span> sola.</em> -</p> - -<p>The Devil's in the Fellow, I think——I was told before -I married him, that thus 'twou'd be: But I thought -I had Charms enough to govern him; and that where -there was an Estate, a Woman must needs be happy; -so my Vanity has deceiv'd me, and my Ambition has -made me uneasy. But there's some Comfort still; if one -wou'd be reveng'd of him, these are good times; a Woman -may have a Gallant, and a separate Maintenance -too—The surly Puppy—yet he's a Fool for't: for -hitherto he has been no Monster: But who knows how -far he may provoke me? I never lov'd him, yet I have -been ever true to him; and that, in spite of all the Attacks -of Art and Nature upon a poor weak Woman's -Heart, in favour of a tempting Lover. Methinks so -noble a Defence as I have made, shou'd be rewarded with -a better Usage—Or who can tell?——Perhaps a good -part of what I suffer from my Husband, may be a -Judgment upon me for my Cruelty to my Lover.——Lord, -with what pleasure could I indulge that Thought, -were there but a Possibility of finding Arguments to -make it good!—--And how do I know but there may?—Let -me see——What opposes?—My matrimonial -Vow——Why, what did I vow? I think I promis'd to -be true to my Husband. Well; and he promis'd to be -kind to me. But he han't kept his Word——Why then -I'm absolv'd from mine—Ay, that seems clear to me. -The Argument's good between the King and the People, -why not between the Husband and the Wife? O, but -that Condition was not exprest—No matter, 'twas understood. -Well, by all I see, if I argue the matter a little -longer with myself, I shan't find so many Bug-bears -in the Way as I thought I shou'd. Lord, what fine -Notions of Virtue do we Women take up upon the -Credit of old foolish Philosophers! Virtue's its own -Reward, Virtue's this, Virtue's that——Virtue's an -Ass, and a Gallant's worth forty on't.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[Pg 122]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Belinda</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Good-morrow, dear Cousin.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Good-morrow, Madam; you look pleas'd this -Morning.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> I am so.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> With what, pray?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> With my Husband.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Drown Husbands; for your's is a provoking -Fellow: As he went out just now, I pray'd him to tell -me what time of Day 'twas; and he ask'd me if I took -him for the Church-Clock, that was oblig'd to tell all -the Parish.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> He has been saying some good obliging -things to me too. In short, <em>Belinda</em>, he has us'd me so -barbarously of late, that I cou'd almost resolve to play -the downright Wife—and cuckold him.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> That would be downright indeed.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Why, after all, there's more to be said -for't than you'd imagine, Child. I know, according to -the strict Statute-Law of Religion, I shou'd do wrong: -But if there were a Court of Chancery in Heav'n, I'm -sure I shou'd cast him.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> If there were a House of Lords, you might.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> In either I should infallibly carry my -Cause. Why, he is the first Aggressor, not I.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Ay, but you know we must return Good for -Evil.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> That may be a Mistake in the Translation—Pr'ythee -be of my Opinion, <em>Belinda</em>; for I'm -positive I'm in the right; and if you'll keep up the Prerogative -of a Woman, you'll likewise be positive you -are in the right, whenever you do any thing you have -a mind to. But I shall play the Fool, and jest on, till -I make you begin to think I'm in earnest.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> I shan't take the Liberty, Madam, to think of -any thing that you desire to keep a Secret from me.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Alas, my Dear, I have no Secrets. My -Heart cou'd never yet confine my Tongue.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[Pg 123]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Your Eyes, you mean; for I'm sure I have seen -them gadding, when your Tongue has been lock'd up -safe enough.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> My Eyes gadding! Pr'ythee after who, -Child?</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Why, after one that thinks you hate him, as -much as I know you love him.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> <em>Constant</em> you mean.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> I do so.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Lord, what shou'd put such a thing into -your Head?</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> That which puts things into most People's Heads, -Observation.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Why what have you observ'd, in the -Name of Wonder?</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> I have observed you blush when you met him; -force yourself away from him; and then be out of humour -with every thing about you: In a Word, never -was poor Creature so spurr'd on by Desire, and so -rein'd in with Fear.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> How strong is Fancy!</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> How weak is Woman!</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Pr'ythee, Niece, have a better Opinion -of your Aunt's Inclination.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Dear Aunt, have a better Opinion of your -Niece's Understanding.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> You'll make me angry.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> You'll make me laugh.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Then you are resolv'd to persist?</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Positively.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> And all I can say——</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Will signify nothing.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Tho' I should swear 'twere false—</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> I should think it true.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Then let us both forgive; [<em>Kissing her.</em>] -for we have both offended: I, in making a Secret; you, -in discovering it.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Good Nature may do much: But you have more -Reason to forgive one, than I have to pardon t'other.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[Pg 124]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> 'Tis true, <em>Belinda</em>, you have given me so -many Proofs of your Friendship, that my Reserve has -been indeed a Crime: But that you may more easily -forgive me, remember, Child, that when our Nature -prompts us to a thing our Honour and Religion have -forbid us; we wou'd (wer't possible) conceal even from -the Soul itself, the Knowledge of the Body's Weakness.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Well, I hope, to make your Friend amends, -you'll hide nothing from her for the future, tho' the -Body shou'd still grow weaker and weaker.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> No, from this Moment I have no more -Reserve; and for a Proof of my Repentance, I own, -<em>Belinda</em>, I'm in danger. Merit and Wit assault me from -without; Nature and Love sollicit me within; my -Husband's barbarous Usage piques me to Revenge; -and <em>Satan</em>, catching at the fair Occasion, throws in my -way that Vengeance, which of all Vengeance pleases -Women best.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> 'Tis well <em>Constant</em> don't know the Weakness of -the Fortification; for o' my Conscience he'd soon come -on to the Assault.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Ay, and I'm afraid carry the Town too. -But whatever you may have observ'd, I have dissembled -so well as to keep him ignorant. So you see I'm no -Coquette, <em>Belinda</em>: And if you follow my Advice, you'll -never be one neither. 'Tis true, Coquetry is one of the -main Ingredients in the natural Composition of a Woman; -and I, as well as others, cou'd be well enough -pleas'd to see a Crowd of young Fellows ogling, and -glancing, and watching all Occasions to do forty foolish -officious Things: Nay, shou'd some of 'em push on, -even to hanging or drowning, why—'faith—if I -shou'd let pure Woman alone, I shou'd e'en be but too -well pleas'd with it.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> I'll swear 'twould tickle me strangely.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> But after all, 'tis a vicious Practice in us, -to give the least Encouragement but where we design -to come to a Conclusion. For 'tis an unreasonable thing<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[Pg 125]</a></span> -to engage a Man in a Disease, which we beforehand -resolve we never will apply a Cure to.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> 'Tis true; but then a Woman must abandon one -of the supreme Blessings of her Life. For I am fully -convinc'd, no Man has half that Pleasure in possessing -a Mistress, as a Woman has in jilting a Gallant.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> The happiest Woman then on Earth must -be our Neighbour.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> O the impertinent Composition! She has Vanity -and Affectation enough to make her a ridiculous Original, -in spite of all that Art and Nature ever furnish'd -to any of her Sex before her.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> She concludes all Men her Captives; and -whatever Course they take, it serves to confirm her in -that Opinion.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> If they shun her, she thinks 'tis Modesty, and -takes it for a Proof of their Passion.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> And if they are rude to her, 'tis Conduct, -and done to prevent Town-talk.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> When her Folly makes 'em laugh; she thinks -they are pleased with her Wit.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> And when her Impertinence makes 'em -dull, concludes they are jealous of her Favours.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> All their Actions and their Words, she takes for -granted, aim at her.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> And pities all other Women, because she -thinks they envy her.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Pray, out of pity to ourselves, let us find a better -Subject; for I'm weary of this. Do you think your -Husband inclined to Jealousy?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> O, no; he does not love me well enough -for that. Lord, how wrong Men's Maxims are! They -are seldom jealous of their Wives, unless they are very -fond of 'em; whereas they ought to consider the Women's -Inclinations; for there depends their Fate. Well, Men -may talk; But they are not so wise as we——that's certain.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> At least in our Affairs.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Nay, I believe we shou'd out-do 'em in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[Pg 126]</a></span> -the Business of the State too: For, methinks, they do -and undo, and make but bad Work on't.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Why then don't we get into the Intrigues of -Government as well as they?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Because we have Intrigues of our own, -that make us more Sport, Child. And so let's in and -consider of 'em.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>A Dressing-Room</em>.</h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Lady <span class="antiqua">Fancyfull</span>, <span class="antiqua">Madamoiselle</span>, and <span class="antiqua">Cornet</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> How do I look this Morning?</p> - -<p><em>Cor.</em> Your Ladyship looks very ill, truly.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Lard, how ill-natur'd thou art, <em>Cornet</em>, to -tell me so, tho' the thing shou'd be true! Don't you -know that I have Humility enough to be but too easily -out of Conceit with myself? Hold the Glass; I dare -swear that will have more Manners than you have. <em>Madamoiselle</em>, -let me have your Opinion too.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> My opinion pe, Matam, dat your Latyship -never look so well in your Life.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Well, the <em>French</em> are the prettiest, obliging -People; they say the most acceptable, well-manner'd -things—and never flatter.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Your Latyship say great Justice inteed.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Nay, every thing's just in my House but -<em>Cornet</em>. The very Looking-Glass gives her the <em>Dementi</em>. -But I'm almost afraid it flatters me, it makes me -look so very engaging.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Looking affectedly in the Glass.</em></p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Inteed, Matam, your face pe handsomer -den all de Looking-Glass in de World, <em>croyez moy</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> But is it possible my Eyes can be so languishing—and -so very full of Fire?</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Matam, if de Glass was Burning-Glass, I -believe your Eyes set de Fire in de House.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[Pg 127]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> You may take that Night-gown, <em>Madamoiselle</em>; -get out of the Room, <em>Cornet</em>; I can't endure you. -This Wench, methinks, does look so unsufferably ugly.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Every ting look ugly, Matam, dat stand by -your Latyship.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> No really, <em>Madamoiselle</em>, methinks you -look mighty pretty.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Ah Matam! de Moon have no Eclat ven de -Sun appear.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> O pretty Expression! Have you ever been -in Love, <em>Madamoiselle</em>?</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Ouy</em>, Matame.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Sighing.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> And were you belov'd again?</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Non</em>, Matame.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> O ye Gods! What an unfortunate Creature -shou'd I be in such a Case! But Nature has made -me nice, for my own Defence: I'm nice, strangely nice, -<em>Madamoiselle</em>; I believe were the Merit of whole Mankind -bestow'd upon one single Person, I shou'd still think -the Fellow wanted something to make it worth my -while to take notice of him; and yet I could love; nay, -fondly love, were it possible to have a thing made on -purpose for me: For I'm not cruel, <em>Madamoiselle</em>; I'm -only nice.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Ah Matam, I wish I was fine Gentleman -for your sake. I do all de ting in de World to get leetel -way into your Heart. I make Song, I make Verse, I -give you de Serenade, I give great many Present to -<em>Madamoiselle</em>; I no eat, I no sleep, I be lean, I be mad, -I hang myself, I drown myself. <em>Ah ma chere Dame, -que je vous aimerois!</em></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Embracing her.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Well, the <em>French</em> have strange obliging -ways with 'em; you may take those two pair of Gloves, -<em>Madamoiselle</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Me humbly tanke my sweet Lady.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Cornet</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Cor.</em> Madam, here's a Letter for your Ladyship by -the Penny Post.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[Pg 128]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Some new Conquest, I'll warrant you. -For without Vanity, I look'd extremely clear last Night -when I went to the Park.—O agreeable! Here's a new -Song made of me: And ready set too. O thou welcome -thing! [<em>Kissing it.</em>] Call <em>Pipe</em> hither, she shall sing it -instantly.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Pipe</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p>Here, sing me this new Song, <em>Pipe</em>.</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i14">SONG.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i18">I.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Fly, fly, you happy Shepherds, fly;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Avoid <span class="antiqua">Philira</span>'s Charms;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The Rigour of her Heart denies</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>The Heaven that's in her Arms.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Ne'er hope to gaze, and then retire,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Nor yielding, to be blest;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Nature, who form'd her Eyes of Fire,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Of Ice compos'd her Breast.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i20">II.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Yet, lovely Maid, this once believe</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>A Slave whose Zeal you move;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The Gods, alas! your Youth deceive,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Their Heav'n consists in Love.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>In spite of all the Thanks you owe,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>You may reproach 'em this;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>That where they did their Form bestow,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>They have deny'd their Bliss.</em><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Well, there may be Faults, <em>Madamoiselle</em>, -but the Design is so very obliging, 'twou'd be a matchless -Ingratitude in me to discover 'em.</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Ma foy, Madame</em>, I tink de Gentleman's -Song tell you de Trute. If you never love, you never -be happy—Ah—<em>que l'aime l'amour moy</em>!</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Servant with another Letter.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Ser.</em> Madam, here's another Letter for your Ladyship.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> 'Tis this way I am importun'd every Morn<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[Pg 129]</a></span>ing, -<em>Madamoiselle</em>. Pray how do the <em>French</em> Ladies when -they are thus <em>accablées</em>?</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Matam, dey never complain. <em>Au contraire</em>, -when one <em>Frense</em> Laty have got hundred Lover—den -she do all she can—to get a hundred more.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Well, strike me dead, I think they have <em>le -Gout bon</em>. For 'tis an unutterable Pleasure to be ador'd -by all the Men, and envy'd by all the Women——Yet -I'll swear I'm concern'd at the Torture I give 'em. -Lard, why was I form'd to make the whole Creation -uneasy! But let me read my Letter. [<em>Reads.</em>]</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> - -<p>"If you have a mind to hear of your Faults, instead -of being prais'd for your Virtues, take the -pains to walk in the Green-walk in St. <em>James</em>'s with -your Woman an Hour hence. You'll there meet one, -who hates you for some things, as he cou'd love you -for others, and therefore is willing to endeavour your -Reformation.——If you come to the Place I mention, -you'll know who I am: If you don't, you never -shall: so take your Choice."</p></div> - -<p>This is strangely familiar, <em>Madamoiselle</em>; now have I -a provoking Fancy to know who this impudent Fellow is.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Den take your Scarf and your Mask, and -go to de Rendezvous. De <em>Frense</em> Laty do <em>justement -comme ça</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Rendezvous! What, rendezvous with a -Man, <em>Madamoiselle</em>!</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Eh, pourquoy non?</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> What, and a Man perhaps I never saw in -my Life?</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Tant mieux: c'est donc quelque chose de nouveau.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Why, how do I know what Designs he -may have? He may intend to ravish me, for aught I -know.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Ravish!—<em>Bagatelle</em>. I would fain see one -impudent Rogue ravish <em>Madamoiselle: Ouy, je le voudrois</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em>.O, but my Reputation, <em>Madamoiselle!</em> my -Reputation! <em>Ah ma chere Reputation!</em></p> - -<p>Madam. <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[Pg 130]</a></span><em>Madame—Quand on la une fois perdue—On -n'en est plus embarassée.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Fe, <em>Madamoiselle</em>, Fe! Reputation is a -Jewel.</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Qui coute bien chere, Madame.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Why sure you would not sacrifice your -Honour to your Pleasure?</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Je suis Philosophe.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Bless me, how you talk! Why, what if -Honour be a Burden, <em>Madamoiselle</em>, must it not be borne?</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Chaqu'un a sa façon—Quand quelque chose -m'incommode moy—je m'en defais vite.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Get you gone, you little naughty <em>French-woman</em>, -you; I vow and swear I must turn you out of -doors, if you talk thus.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Turn me out of doors!—--Turn yourself out -of doors, and go see what de Gentleman have to say -to you—<em>Tenez</em>. <em>Voila</em> [Giving her her things hastily.] -<em>vostre Esharpe</em>, <em>voila vostre Quoife</em>, <em>voila vostre Masque</em>, -<em>voila tout</em>. <em>Hey</em>, <em>Mercure</em>, <em>Coquin</em>: Call one Chair for -Matam, and one oder [<em>Calling within.</em>] for me: <em>Va t'en -vite</em>. [Turning to her Lady, and helping her on hastily -with her things.] <em>Allons, Madame, depechez vous donc. -Mon Dieu, quelles Scrupules!</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Well, for once, <em>Madamoiselle</em>, I'll follow -your Advice, out of the intemperate Desire I have to -know who this ill-bred Fellow is. But I have too much -<em>Delicatesse</em>, to make a Practice on't.</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Belle chose vrayment que la Delicatesse, lors -qu'il s'agit de se devertir—à ça—Vous voila equipés, -partons.—He bien!—qu'avez vous donc?</em></p> - -<p>Lady Fan. <em>J'ay peur.</em></p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Je n'en ay point moy.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> I dare not go.</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Demeurez donc.</em></p> - -<p>Lady Fan. <em>Je suis poltrone.</em></p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Tant pis pour vous.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Curiosity's a wicked Devil.</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>C'est une charmante Sainte.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> It ruined our first Parents.</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Elle a bien diverti leurs Enfans.</em></p> - -<p>Lady Fan. <em>L'Honneur est contre.</em></p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[Pg 131]</a></span></p> - -<p>Madam. <em>La Plaisir est pour.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Must I then go?</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Must you go?—Must you eat, must you -drink, must you sleep, must you live? De Nature bid -you do one, de Nature bid you do toder. <em>Vous me ferez -enrager.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> But when Reason corrects Nature, <em>Madamoiselle</em>——</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Elle est donc bien insolente, c'est sa Sœur aisnée.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Do you then prefer your Nature to your -Reason, <em>Madamoiselle</em>?</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Ouy da.</em></p> - -<p>Lady Fan. <em>Pourquoy?</em></p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Because my Nature make me merry, my -Reason make me mad.</p> - -<p>Lady Fan. <em>Ah la mechante Françoise!</em></p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Ah la belle Angloise!</em></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Forcing her Lady off.</em></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-145.jpg" width="700" height="41" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="ACT_II3" id="ACT_II3"><em class="gesperrt">ACT</em> II.</a></h3> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>St. <span class="antiqua">James</span>'s Park</em>.</h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Lady <span class="antiqua">Fancyfull and Madamoiselle</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> <span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">W</span>ell</span>, I vow, <em>Madamoiselle</em>, I'm strangely -impatient to know who this confident -Fellow is.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Heartfree</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p>Look, there's <em>Heartfree</em>. But sure it can't be him; -he's a profess'd Woman-hater. Yet who knows what -my wicked Eyes may have done?</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Il nous approche, Madame.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Yes, 'tis he: now will he be most intolerably -cavalier, tho' he should be in love with me.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Madam, I'm your humble Servant; I per<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[Pg 132]</a></span>ceive -you have more Humility and Good-Nature than I -thought you had.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> What you attribute to Humility and Good-Nature, -Sir, may perhaps be only due to Curiosity. I -had a mind to know who 'twas had ill manners enough -to write that Letter.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Throwing him his Letter.</em></p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Well, and now I hope you are satisfy'd.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> I am so, Sir: Good by t'ye.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Nay, hold there; tho' you have done your -Business, I han't done mine: By your Ladyship's leave, -we must have one Moment's Prattle together. Have you -a mind to be the prettiest Woman about Town, or not? -How she stares upon me! What! this passes for an impertinent -Question with you now, because you think -you are so already?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Pray, Sir, let me ask you a Question in my -Turn: By what Right do you pretend to examine me?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> By the same Right that the strong govern the -weak, because I have you in my power; for you cannot -get so quickly to your Coach, but I shall have time -enough to make you hear every thing I have to say to -you.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> These are strange Liberties you take, Mr. -<em>Heartfree</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> They are so, Madam, but there's no help for -it; for know that I have a Design upon you.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Upon me, Sir!</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Yes; and one that will turn to your Glory, -and my Comfort, if you will but be a little wiser than -you use to be.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Very well, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Let me see——Your Vanity, Madam, I -take to be about some eight Degrees higher than any -Woman's in the Town, let t'other be who she will; and -my Indifference is naturally about the same Pitch. Now, -could you find the way to turn this Indifference into Fire -and Flames, methinks your Vanity ought to be satisfy'd; -and this, perhaps, you might bring about upon pretty -reasonable Terms.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[Pg 133]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> And pray at what rate would this Indifference -be bought off, if one shou'd have so depraved an -Appetite to desire it?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Why, Madam, to drive a Quaker's Bargain, -and make but one word with you, if I do part with it—you -must lay me down—your Affectation.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> My Affectation, Sir!</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Why, I ask you nothing but what you may -very well spare.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> You grow rude, Sir. Come, <em>Madamoiselle</em>, -'tis high time to be gone.</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Allons, allons, allons.</em></p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> [<em>Stopping them.</em>] Nay, you may as well stand -still; for hear me you shall, walk which way you please.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> What mean you, Sir?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> I mean to tell you, that you are the most ungrateful -Woman upon Earth.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Ungrateful! To whom?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> To Nature.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Why, what has Nature done for me?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> What you have undone by Art! It made you -handsome; it gave you Beauty to a Miracle, a Shape -without a Fault, Wit enough to make them relish, and so -turn'd you loose to your own Discretion; which has -made such work with you, that you are become the Pity -of our Sex, and the Jest of your own. There is not a -Feature in your Face, but you have found the way to -teach it some affected Convulsion; your Feet, your -Hands, your very Fingers Ends are directed never to -move without some ridiculous Air or other; and your -Language is a suitable Trumpet, to draw people's Eyes -upon the Raree-show.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> [aside] <em>Est ce qu'on fait l'amour en Angleterre -comme ça?</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Now cou'd I cry for Madness, but -that I know he'd laugh at me for it.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Now do you hate me for telling you the Truth, -but that's because you don't believe it is so; for were -you once convinc'd of that, you'd reform for your own -sake. But 'tis as hard to persuade a Woman to quit any<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[Pg 134]</a></span> -thing that makes her ridiculous, as 'tis to prevail with -a Poet to see a Fault in his own Play.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Every Circumstance of nice Breeding must -needs appear ridiculous to one who has so natural an -Antipathy to Good-manners.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> But suppose I could find the means to convince -you, that the whole World is of my Opinion, and -that those who flatter and commend you, do it to no -other Intent, but to make you persevere in your Folly, -that they may continue in their Mirth.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Sir, tho' you and all that World you talk of -shou'd be so impertinently officious, as to think to persuade -me I don't know how to behave myself; I shou'd -still have Charity enough for my own Understanding, to -believe myself in the right, and all you in the wrong.</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Le voila mort.</em></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt Lady <span class="antiqua">Fancyfull</span> and <span class="antiqua">Madamoiselle</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> [<em>Gazing after her.</em>] There her single Clapper has -publish'd the Sense of the whole Sex. Well, this once -I have endeavour'd to wash the Blackamoor white, but -henceforward I'll sooner undertake to teach Sincerity -to a Courtier, Generosity to an Usurer, Honesty to a -Lawyer, nay, Humility to a Divine, than Discretion to -a Woman I see has once set her Heart upon playing the -Fool.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Constant</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p>'Morrow, <em>Constant</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Good-morrow, <em>Jack</em>! What are you doing here -this Morning?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Doing! Guess, if thou canst.——Why I have -been endeavouring to persuade my Lady <em>Fancyfull</em>, that -she's the foolishest Woman about Town.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> A pretty Endeavour, truly!</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> I have told her in as plain <em>English</em> as I could -speak, both what the Town says of her, and what I -think of her. In short, I have us'd her as an absolute -King would do <em>Magna Charta</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> And how does she take it?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> As Children do Pills; bite them, but can't -swallow them.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[Pg 135]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> But, pr'ythee, what has put it into your Head, -of all Mankind, to turn Reformer?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Why one thing was, the Morning hung upon -my Hands, I did not know what to do with myself; and -another was, that as little as I care for Women, I cou'd -not see with Patience one that Heaven had taken such -wondrous Pains about, be so very industrious to make -herself the Jack-pudding of the Creation.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Well, now could I almost wish to see my cruel -Mistress make the self-same Use of what Heaven has -done for her, that so I might be cur'd of a Disease that -makes me so very uneasy; for Love, Love is the Devil, -<em>Heartfree</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> And why do you let the Devil govern you?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Because I have more Flesh and Blood than -Grace and Self-denial. My dear, dear Mistress! 'S death! -that so genteel a Woman should be a Saint, when Religion's -out of Fashion!</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Nay, she's much in the wrong, truly; but -who knows how far Time and good Example may prevail?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> O! they have play'd their Parts in vain already: -'Tis now two Years since that damned Fellow her Husband -invited me to his Wedding; and there was the first -time I saw that charming Woman, whom I have lov'd -ever since, more than e'er a Martyr did his Soul; but -she is cold, my Friend, still cold as the Northern Star.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> So are all Women by Nature, which makes -them so willing to be warm'd.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> O don't prophane the Sex! Pr'ythee, think them -all Angels for her sake; for she's virtuous even to a Fault.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> A Lover's Head is a good accountable Thing -truly; he adores his Mistress for being virtuous, and yet -is very angry with her because she won't be lewd.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Well, the only Relief I expect in my Misery, -is to see thee some Day or other as deeply engag'd as -myself, which will force me to be merry in the midst of -all my Misfortunes.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> That Day will never come, be assur'd, <em>Ned</em>. -Not but that I can pass a Night with a Woman, and for<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[Pg 136]</a></span> -the time, perhaps; make myself as good Sport as you can -do. Nay, I can court a Woman too, call her Nymph, -Angel, Goddess, what you please: But here's the Difference -'twixt you and I; I persuade a Woman she's an -Angel, and she persuades you she's one. Pr'ythee, let -me tell you how I avoid falling in Love; that which -serves me for Prevention, may chance to serve you for a -Cure.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Well, use the Ladies moderately then, and I'll -hear you.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> That using them moderately undoes us all; -but I'll use them justly, and that you ought to be satisfied -with. I always consider a Woman, not as the Taylor, -the Shoemaker, the Tire-woman, the Sempstress, and -(which is more than all that) the Poet makes her; but I -consider her as pure Nature has contrived her, and that -more strictly than I shou'd have done our old Grandmother -<em>Eve</em>, had I seen her naked in the Garden; for -I consider her turn'd inside out. Her Heart well examin'd, -I find there Pride, Vanity, Covetousness, Indiscretion, -but above all things, Malice; plots eternally -a-forging to destroy one another's Reputations, and as -honestly to charge the Levity of Men's Tongues with the -Scandal; hourly Debates how to make poor Gentlemen -in love with them, with no other Intent but to use them -like Dogs when they have done; a constant Desire of -doing more Mischief, and an everlasting War wag'd -against Truth and Good-Nature.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Very well, Sir! An admirable Composition, -truly!</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Then for her Outside, I consider it merely as -an Outside; she has a thin Tiffany Covering over just -such Stuff as you and I are made on. As for her Motion, -her Mien, her Airs, and all those Tricks, I know they -affect you mightily. If you should see your Mistress at a -Coronation dragging her Peacock's Train, with all her -State and Insolence about her, 'twou'd strike you with -all the awful Thoughts that Heav'n itself could pretend -to from you; whereas I turn the whole Matter into a Jest, -and suppose her strutting in the self-same stately Manner,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[Pg 137]</a></span> -with nothing on her but her Stays and her under scanty -quilted Petticoat.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Hold thy profane Tongue; for I'll hear no -more.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> What, you'll love on, then?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Yes, to Eternity.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Yet you have no hopes at all?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> None.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Nay, the Resolution may be discreet enough; -perhaps you have found out some new Philosophy, that -Love, like Virtue, is its own Reward: So you and your -Mistress will be as well content at a Distance, as others -that have less Learning are in coming together.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> No; but if she should prove kind at last, my -dear <em>Heartfree</em>—</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Embracing him</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Nay, pr'ythee, don't take me for your Mistress; -for Lovers are very troublesome.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Well; who knows what Time may do?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> And just now he was sure Time could do -nothing.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Yet not one kind Glance in two Years, is somewhat -strange.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Not strange at all; she don't like you, that's -all the Business.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Pr'ythee, don't distract me.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Nay, you are a good handsome young Fellow, -she might use you better: Come, will you go see her? -Perhaps she may have chang'd her Mind; there's some -Hopes as long as she's a Woman.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> O, 'tis in vain to visit her! Sometimes to get a -Sight of her, I visit that Beast her Husband; but she certainly -finds some Pretence to quit the Room as soon as I -enter.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> 'Tis much she don't tell him you have made -Love to her too; for that's another good-natur'd thing -usual amongst Women, in which they have several Ends. -Sometimes 'tis to recommend their Virtue, that they may -be lewd with the greater Security. Sometimes 'tis to -make their Husbands fight, in hopes they may be kill'd, -when their Affairs require it should be so: but most com<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[Pg 138]</a></span>monly -'tis to engage two Men in a Quarrel, that they -may have the Credit of being fought for; and if the -Lover's kill'd in the Business, they cry, <em>Poor Fellow, he -had ill Luck</em>——and so they go to Cards.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Thy Injuries to Women are not to be forgiven. -Look to't, if ever thou dost fall into their Hands——</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> They can't use me worse than they do you, -that speak well of 'em. O ho! here comes the Knight.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Sir <span class="antiqua">John Brute</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Your humble Servant, Sir <em>John</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Servant, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> How does all your Family?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Pox o' my Family!</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> How does your Lady? I han't seen her abroad -a good while.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Do! I don't know how she does, not I; -she was well enough Yesterday; I han't been at home -to-night.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> What, were you out of Town?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Out of Town! No, I was drinking.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> You are a true <em>Englishman</em>; don't know your -own Happiness. If I were married to such a Woman, I -would not be from her a Night for all the Wine in -<em>France</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Not from her!—--'Oons——what a time -should a Man have of that!</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Why, there's no Division, I hope.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> No; but there's a Conjunction, and that's -worse; a Pox of the Parson——Why the plague -don't you two marry? I fancy I look like the Devil to -you.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Why, you don't think you have Horns, do -you?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> No, I believe my Wife's Religion will keep -her honest.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> And what will make her keep her Religion?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Persecution; and therefore she shall have it.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Have a care, Knight! Women are tender -things.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[Pg 139]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> And yet, methinks, 'tis a hard Matter to -break their Hearts.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Fy, fy! You have one of the best Wives in the -World, and yet you seem the most uneasy Husband.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Best Wives! The Woman's well enough; -she has no Vice that I know of, but she's a Wife, and—damn -a Wife! If I were married to a Hogshead of -Claret, Matrimony would make me hate it.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Why did you marry, then? You were old -enough to know your own Mind.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Why did I marry? I married because I had -a mind to lie with her, and she would not let me.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Why did you not ravish her?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Yes, and so have hedg'd myself into forty -Quarrels with her Relations, besides buying my pardon: -But more than all that, you must know, I was afraid of -being damn'd in those days: For I kept sneaking, -cowardly Company, Fellows that went to Church, said -Grace to their Meat, and had not the least Tincture of -Quality about them.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> But I think you are got into a better Gang now?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Zoons, Sir, my Lord <em>Rake</em> and I are Hand -and Glove: I believe we may get our Bones broke together -to-night; have you a mind to share a Frolick?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Not I, truly; my Talent lies to softer Exercises.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> What, a Down-Bed and a Strumpet? A -pox of Venery, I say. Will you come and drink with -me this Afternoon?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> I can't drink to-day, but we'll come and sit an -Hour with you, if you will.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Phugh, Pox, sit an Hour! Why can't you -drink?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Because I'm to see my Mistress.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Who's that?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Why, do you use to tell?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Yes.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> So won't I.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Why?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Because 'tis a Secret.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Would my Wife knew it, 'twould be no Secret -long.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[Pg 140]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Why, do you think she can't keep a Secret?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> No more than she can keep <em>Lent</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Pr'ythee, tell it her to try, <em>Constant</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> No, pr'ythee, don't, that I mayn't be -plagu'd with it.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> I'll hold you a Guinea you don't make her -tell it you.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> I'll hold you a Guinea I do.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Which way?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Why, I'll beg her not to tell it me.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Nay, if any thing does it, that will.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> But do you think, Sir——</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Oons, Sir, I think a Woman and a Secret -are the two impertinentest Themes in the Universe: -Therefore pray let's hear no more of my Wife, nor your -Mistress. Damn 'em both with all my heart, and every -thing else that daggles a Petticoat, except four generous -Whores, with <em>Betty Sands</em> at the Head of 'em, who are -drunk with my Lord <em>Rake</em> and I ten times in a Fortnight.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Sir John</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Here's a dainty Fellow for you! And the -veriest Coward too. But his Usage of his Wife makes -me ready to stab the Villain.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Lovers are short-sighted: All their Senses run -into that of Feeling. This Proceeding of his is the only -thing on Earth can make your Fortune. If any thing -can prevail with her to accept of a Gallant, 'tis his ill -Usage of her; for Women will do more for Revenge, -than they'll do for the Gospel. Pr'ythee, take heart, I -have great hopes for you: And since I can't bring you -quite off of her, I'll endeavour to bring you quite on; for -a whining Lover is the damn'dest Companion upon Earth.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> My dear Friend, flatter me a little more with -these Hopes; for whilst they prevail, I have Heaven -within me, and could melt with Joy.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Pray, no melting yet; let things go farther first. -This afternoon, perhaps, we shall make some advance. -In the mean while, let's go dine at <em>Locket</em>'s, and let Hope -get you a Stomach.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[Pg 141]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>Lady</em> Fancyfull's <em>House</em>.</h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Lady <span class="antiqua">Fancyfull</span> and <span class="antiqua">Madamoiselle</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Did you ever see any thing so <em>importune, -Madamoiselle</em>?</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Inteed, Matam, to say de trute, he want -leetel Good-breeding.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Good-breeding! He wants to be caned, -<em>Madamoiselle</em>: an insolent Fellow! And yet let me expose -my Weakness, 'tis the only Man on Earth I cou'd -resolve to dispense my Favours on, were he but a fine -Gentleman. Well! did Men but know how deep an -Impression a fine Gentleman makes in a Lady's Heart, -they would reduce all their Studies to that of Good-breeding -alone.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Cornet</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Cor.</em> Madam, here's Mr. <em>Treble</em>. He has brought -home the Verses your Ladyship made, and gave him to -set.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> O let him come in by all means. Now -<em>Madamoiselle</em>, am I going to be unspeakably happy.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Treble</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p>So, Mr. <em>Treble</em>, you have set my little Dialogue?</p> - -<p><em>Treb.</em> Yes, Madam, and I hope your Ladyship will be -pleased with it.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> O, no doubt on't; for really, Mr. <em>Treble</em>, -you set all things to a wonder: But your Musick is in -particular heavenly, when you have my Words to -clothe in't.</p> - -<p><em>Treb.</em> Your Words themselves, Madam, have so much -Musick in 'em, they inspire me.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Nay, now you make me blush, Mr. <em>Treble</em>; -but pray let's hear what you have done.</p> - -<p><em>Treb.</em> You shall, Madam.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[Pg 142]</a></span></p> - -<p>A SONG, to be sung between a Man and a Woman.</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">M. <em>Ah lovely Nymph, the World's on fire;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i8"><em>Veil, veil those cruel Eyes</em>:<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">W. <em>The World may then in Flames expire,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i8"><em>And boast that so it dies</em>.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">M. <em>But when all Mortals are destroy'd,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i8"><em>Who then shall sing your Praise?</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">W. <em>Those who are fit to be employ'd:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i8"><em>The Gods shall Altars raise</em>.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>Treb.</em> How does your Ladyship like it, Madam?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Rapture, Rapture, Mr. <em>Treble</em>! I'm all -Rapture! O Wit and Art, what Power have you when -join'd! I must needs tell you the Birth of this little Dialogue, -Mr. <em>Treble</em>. Its Father was a Dream, and its -Mother was the Moon. I dream'd that by an unanimous -Vote, I was chosen Queen of that pale World; and that -the first time I appear'd upon my Throne——all my -Subjects fell in love with me. Just then I wak'd, and -seeing Pen, Ink and Paper lie idle upon the Table, I -slid into my Morning-Gown, and writ this <em>impromptu</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Treb.</em> So I guess the Dialogue, Madam, is suppos'd -to be between your Majesty and your first Minister of -State.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Just: He, as Minister, advises me to -trouble my Head about the Welfare of my Subjects; -which I, as Sovereign, find a very impertinent Proposal. -But is the Town so dull, Mr. <em>Treble</em>, it affords us -never another new Song?</p> - -<p><em>Treb.</em> Madam, I have one in my Pocket, came out -but Yesterday, if your Ladyship pleases to let Mrs. <em>Pipe</em> -sing it.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> By all means. Here, <em>Pipe</em>, make what -Musick you can of this Song, here.</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i12">SONG.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i16">I.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Not an Angel dwells above,</em><br /></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[Pg 143]</a></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Half so fair as her I love.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Heaven knows, how she'll receive me;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>If she smiles, I'm blest indeed;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>If she frowns, I'm quickly freed;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Heaven knows she ne'er can grieve me.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i16">II.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>None can love her more than I,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Yet she ne'er shall make me die.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>If my Flame can never warm her,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Lasting Beauty I'll adore;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>I shall never love her more,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Cruelty will so deform her.</em><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Very well: This is <em>Heartfree</em>'s Poetry -without question.</p> - -<p><em>Treb.</em> Won't your Ladyship please to sing yourself -this Morning?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> O Lord, Mr. <em>Treble</em>, my Cold is still so -barbarous to refuse me that Pleasure! He, he, hem.</p> - -<p><em>Treb.</em> I'm very sorry for it, Madam: Methinks all -Mankind should turn Physicians for the Cure on't.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Why, truly, to give Mankind their due, -there's few that know me but have offer'd their Remedy.</p> - -<p><em>Treb.</em> They have reason, Madam; for I know no -body sings so near a Cherubim as your Ladyship.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> What I do, I owe chiefly to your Skill and -Care, Mr. <em>Treble</em>. People do flatter me, indeed, that I -have a Voice, and a <em>Je-ne-sçai-quoy</em> in the Conduct of it, -that will make Musick of any thing. And truly I begin -to believe so, since what happen'd t'other Night: -Wou'd you think it, Mr. <em>Treble</em>? Walking pretty late in -the Park, (for I often walk late in the Park, Mr <em>Treble</em>) -a Whim took me to sing <em>Chevy Chase</em>; and, wou'd you -believe it? next Morning I had three Copies of Verses, -and six Billet-doux at my Levée upon it.</p> - -<p><em>Treb.</em> And without all dispute you deserv'd as many -more, Madam. Are there any further Commands for -your Ladyship's humble Servant?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Nothing more at this Time, Mr. <em>Treble</em>. -But I shall expect you here every Morning for this -Month, to sing my little Matter there to me. I'll reward -you for your Pains.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[Pg 144]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Treb.</em> O Lord, Madam——</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Good-morrow, sweet Mr. <em>Treble</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Treb.</em> Your Ladyship's most obedient Servant.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Treb</span>.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Servant.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Serv.</em> Will your Ladyship please to dine yet?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Yes, let 'em serve. [<em>Exit Servant.</em>] Sure -this <em>Heartfree</em> has bewitch'd me, <em>Madamoiselle</em>. You -can't imagine how oddly he mixt himself in my Thoughts -during my Rapture e'en now. I vow 'tis a thousand -Pities he is not more polish'd: Don't you think so?</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Matam, I tink it so great pity, dat if I was -in your Ladyship place, I take him home in my House, -I lock him up in my Closet, and I never let him go till -I teach him every ting dat fine Laty expect from fine -Gentelman.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Why, truly, I believe I shou'd soon subdue -his Brutality; for without doubt, he has a strange <em>Penchant</em> -to grow fond of me, in spite of his Aversion to the -Sex, else he wou'd ne'er have taken so much Pains about -me. Lord, how proud wou'd some poor Creatures be of -such a Conquest! But I, alas! I don't know how to receive -as a Favour what I take to be so infinitely my -Due. But what shall I do to new-mould him, <em>Madamoiselle</em>? -for till then he's my utter Aversion.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Matam; you must laugh at him in all de place -dat you meet him, and turn into de reticule all he say, -and all he do.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Why, truly, Satire has ever been of wondrous -use to reform Ill-manners. Besides, 'tis my particular -Talent to ridicule Folks. I can be severe, strangely severe, -when I will, <em>Madamoiselle</em>——Give me the Pen -and Ink——I find myself whimsical——I'll write to -him——Or I'll let it alone, and be severe upon him -that way [<em>Sitting down to write, rising up again.</em>]—Yet -Active Severity is better than Passive. [<em>Sitting down.</em>]——'Tis -as good let it alone, too; for every Lash I give -him, perhaps, he'll take for a Favour. [<em>Rising.</em>]——Yet -'tis a thousand pities so much Satire should be lost. [<em>Sitting.</em><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[Pg 145]</a></span>]—— -But if it shou'd have a wrong Effect upon him, -'twould distract me. [<em>Rising.</em>]——Well, I must write, -tho', after all, [<em>Sitting.</em>]——Or I'll let it alone, which is -the same thing. [<em>Rising.</em>]</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>La voilà determinée.</em></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-159.jpg" width="700" height="39" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="ACT_III3" id="ACT_III3"><em class="gesperrt">ACT</em> III.</a></h3> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em> <em>opens; Sir <span class="antiqua">John</span>, Lady <span class="antiqua">Brute</span> -and <span class="antiqua">Belinda</span> rising from the Table.</em></h4> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> <span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">H</span>ere</span>, take away the Things; I expect -Company. But first bring me a Pipe; -I'll smoak.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>To a Servant.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Lord, Sir <em>John</em>, I wonder you won't -leave that nasty Custom.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Pr'ythee, don't be impertinent.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> [<em>To Lady <span class="antiqua">Brute</span>.</em>] I wonder who those People are -he expects this Afternoon?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> I'd give the World to know: Perhaps -'tis <em>Constant</em>—he comes here sometimes: if it does prove -him, I'm resolv'd I'll share the Visit.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> We'll send for our Work, and sit here.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> He'll choak us with his Tobacco.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Nothing will choak us when we are doing what -we have a mind to. <em>Lovewell!</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Lovewell</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Madam.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Here; bring my Cousin's Work and mine -hither.</p> - -<p class="directcenter">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Lov</span>. and re-enters with their Work.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Whu! Pox, can't you work somewhere else?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> We shall be careful not to disturb you, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Your Pipe would make you too thoughtful, -Uncle, if you were left alone; our Prittle-prattle will -cure your Spleen.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[Pg 146]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Will it so, Mrs. Pert? Now I believe it will -so increase it, [<em>Sitting and smoaking.</em>] I shall take my own -House for a Paper-mill.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Bel</span>. aside.</em>] Don't let's mind him; let -him say what he will.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> A Woman's Tongue a Cure for the -Spleen!—Oons—[<em>Aside.</em>] If a Man had got the Head-ach, -they'd be for applying the same Remedy.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> You have done a great deal, <em>Belinda</em>, -since yesterday.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Yes, I have work'd very hard; how do you -like it?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> O, 'tis the prettiest Fringe in the World. -Well, Cousin, you have the happiest Fancy: Pr'ythee, -advise me about altering my Crimson Petticoat.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> A Pox o' your Petticoat! Here's such a Prating, -a Man can't digest his own Thoughts for you.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Don't answer him. [<em>Aside.</em>] Well, what -do you advise me?</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Why, really, I would not alter it at all. Methinks -'tis very pretty as it is.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Ay, that's, true: But you know one -grows weary of the prettiest things in the World, when -one has had 'em long.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Yes, I have taught her that.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Shall we provoke him a little?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> With all my Heart. <em>Belinda</em>, don't you -long to be marry'd?</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Why, there are some things in it I could like -well enough.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> What do you think you shou'd dislike?</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> My Husband, a hundred to one else.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> O ye wicked Wretch! Sure you don't -speak as you think?</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Yes, I do: especially if he smoak'd Tobacco.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>He looks earnestly at 'em.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Why, that many times takes off worse -Smells.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Then he must smell very ill indeed.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> So some Men will, to keep their Wives -from coming near 'em.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[Pg 147]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Then those Wives shou'd cuckold 'em at a distance.</p> - -<div class="directcenter"><em>He rises in a Fury, throws his Pipe at 'em, and drives -'em out. As they run off, <span class="antiqua">Constant</span> and <span class="antiqua">Heartfree</span> enter. -Lady <span class="antiqua">Brute</span> runs against <span class="antiqua">Constant</span>.</em></div> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em>. 'Oons, get you gone up Stairs, you confederating -Strumpets you, o I'll cuckold you, with a Vengeance!</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> O Lord, he'll beat us, he'll beat us. -Dear, dear Mr. <em>Constant</em>, save us!</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> I'll cuckold you, with a Pox.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Heav'n! Sir <em>John</em>, what's the matter?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sure, if Women had been ready created, -the Devil, instead of being kick'd down into Hell, had -been marry'd.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Why, what new Plague have you found now?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Why, these two Gentlewomen did but hear -me say, I expected you here this Afternoon; upon -which they presently resolv'd to take up the Room, o' -purpose to plague me and my Friends.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Was that all? Why, we shou'd have been glad -of their Company.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Then I should have been weary of yours; -for I can't relish both together. They found fault with -my smoaking Tobacco, too; and said Men stunk. But I -have a good mind—to say something.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> No, nothing against the Ladies, pray.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Split the Ladies! Come, will you sit -down? Give us some Wine, Fellow: You won't smoak?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em>. No; nor drink, neither, at this time—I must ask -your Pardon.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> What, this Mistress of yours runs in your -Head! I'll warrant it's some such squeamish Minx as my -Wife, that's grown so dainty of late, she finds fault even -with a dirty Shirt.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> That a Woman may do, and not be very -dainty, neither.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Pox o' the Women! let's drink. Come, you<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[Pg 148]</a></span> -shall take one Glass, tho' I send for a Box of Lozenges -to sweeten your Mouth after it.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Nay, if one Glass will satisfy you, I'll drink -it, without putting you to that Expence.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Why, that's honest. Fill some Wine, Sirrah: -So here's to you, Gentlemen—A Wife's the Devil. -To your being both married.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>They drink.</em></p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> O, your most humble Servant, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Well, how do you like my Wine?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> 'Tis very good, indeed.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> 'Tis admirable.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Then give us t'other Glass.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> No, pray excuse us now: We'll come another -time, and then we won't spare it.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> This one Glass, and no more: Come, it -shall be your Mistress's Health: And that's a great -Compliment from me, I assure you.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> And 'tis a very obliging one to me: So give us -the Glasses.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> So: let her live—</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Sir <span class="antiqua">John</span> coughs in the Glass.</em></p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> And be kind.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> What's the matter? Does it go the wrong -way?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> If I had Love enough to be jealous, I shou'd -take this for an ill Omen: For I never drank my Wife's -Health in my Life, but I puk'd in the Glass.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> O, she's too virtuous to make a reasonable -Man jealous.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Pox of her Virtue! If I cou'd but catch her -Adulterating, I might be divorc'd from her by Law.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> And so pay her a yearly Pension, to be a distinguish'd -Cuckold.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Servant.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Serv.</em> Sir, there's my Lord <em>Rake</em>, Colonel <em>Bully</em>, and some -other Gentlemen at the <em>Blue-Posts</em>, desire your Company.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Cod's so, we are to consult about playing -the Devil to-night.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Well, we won't hinder Business.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[Pg 149]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Methinks I don't know how to leave you, -tho': But for once I must make bold. Or look you; -may be the Conference mayn't last long: So, if you'll -wait here half an hour, or an hour; if I don't come -then—why, then—I won't come at all.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Const</span>.</em>] A good modest Proposition, truly!</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> But let's accept on't, however. Who knows -what may happen?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Well, Sir, to shew you how fond we are of -your Company, we'll expect your Return as long as we -can.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Nay, may be I mayn't stay at all. But Business, -you know, must be done. So your Servant—Or -hark you, if you have a mind to take a Frisk with us, -I have an Interest with my Lord; I can easily introduce -you.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> We are much beholden to you; but for my -part, I'm engag'd another way.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> What! to your Mistress, I'll warrant. -Pr'ythee, leave your nasty Punk to entertain herself with -her own lewd Thoughts, and make one with us to-night.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Sir, 'tis Business that is to employ me.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> And me; and Business must be done, you -know.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Ay, Women's Business, tho' the World -were consum'd for't.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Sir <span class="antiqua">John</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Farewel, Beast! And now, my dear Friend, -would my Mistress be but as complaisant as some Men's -Wives, who think it a piece of good Breeding to receive -the Visits of their Husband's Friends in his Absence!</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Why, for your sake I could forgive her, tho' -she should be so complaisant to receive something else in -his Absence. But what way shall we invent to see her?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> O, ne'er hope it: Invention will prove as vain -as Wishes.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Lady <span class="antiqua">Brute</span> and <span class="antiqua">Belinda</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> What do you think now, Friend?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> I think I shall swoon.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[Pg 150]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> I'll speak first, then, whilst you fetch breath.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> We think ourselves oblig'd, Gentlemen, -to come and return you thanks for your Knight-Errantry. -We were just upon being devour'd by the fiery Dragon.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Did not his Fumes almost knock you down, Gentlemen?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Truly, Ladies, we did undergo some Hardships; -and should have done more, if some greater Heroes -than ourselves, hard by, had not diverted him.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Tho' I'm glad of the Service you are pleas'd -to say we have done you, yet I'm sorry we could do it -in no other way, than by making ourselves privy to -what you would perhaps have kept a Secret.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> For Sir <em>John</em>'s part, I suppose he design'd -it no Secret, since he made so much Noise. And for -myself, truly I'm not much concern'd, since 'tis fallen -only into this Gentleman's Hands and yours; who, I -have many Reasons to believe, will neither interpret -nor report any thing to my disadvantage.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Your good Opinion, Madam, was what I -fear'd I never could have merited.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Your Fears were vain, then, Sir; for -I'm just to every body.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Pr'ythee, <em>Constant</em>, what is't you do to get -the Ladies good Opinions? for I'm a Novice at it.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Sir, will you give me leave to instruct you?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Yes, that I will, with all my Soul, Madam.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Why, then, you must never be slovenly, never be -out of humour, fare well and cry Roast-meat, smoak -Tobacco, nor drink but when you are dry.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> That's hard.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Nay, if you take his Bottle from him, you -break his Heart, Madam.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Why, is it possible the Gentleman can love -Drinking?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Only by way of Antidote.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Against what, pray?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Against Love, Madam.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Are you afraid of being in Love, Sir?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> I should, if there were any Danger of it.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[Pg 151]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Pray why so?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Because I always had an Aversion to being -us'd like a Dog.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Why, truly, Men in Love are seldom us'd better.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> But was you never in Love, Sir?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> No, I thank Heav'n, Madam.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Pray, where got you your Learning, then?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> From other People's Expence.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> That's being a Spunger, Sir, which is scarce -honest: If you'd buy some Experience with your own -Money, as 'twould be fairlier got, so 'twould stick -longer by you.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Footman.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Foot.</em> Madam, here's my Lady <em>Fancyfull</em>, to wait upon -your Ladyship.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Shield me, kind Heaven! What an Inundation -of Impertinence is here coming upon us!</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Lady <span class="antiqua">Fancyfull</span>, who runs first to Lady <span class="antiqua">Brute</span>, -then to <span class="antiqua">Belinda</span>, kissing 'em.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> My dear Lady <em>Brute</em>, and sweet <em>Belinda</em>, -methinks 'tis an Age since I saw you.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Yet 'tis but three Days; sure you have -pass'd your time very ill, it seems so long to you.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Why, really, to confess the truth to you, -I am so everlastingly fatigu'd with the Addresses of unfortunate -Gentlemen, that, were it not for the Extravagancy -of the Example, I shou'd e'en tear out these -wicked Eyes with my own Fingers, to make both myself -and Mankind easy. What think you on't, Mr. <em>Heartfree</em>, -for I take you to be my faithful Adviser?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Why, truly, Madam—I think—every Project -that is for the good of Mankind ought to be encourag'd.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Then I have your Consent, Sir?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> To do whatever you please, Madam.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> You had a much more limited Complaisance -this Morning, Sir. Would you believe it, Ladies? -The Gentleman has been so exceeding generous, to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[Pg 152]</a></span> -tell me of above fifty Faults, in less time than it was -well possible for me to commit two of 'em.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Why, truly, Madam, my Friend there is apt to -be something familiar with the Ladies.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> He is, indeed, Sir; but he's wondrous -charitable with it: He has had the Goodness to design a -Reformation, even down to my Fingers-ends.——'Twas -thus, I think, Sir, [<em>Opening her fingers in an aukward -manner.</em>] you'd have had 'em stand—My Eyes, too, -he did not like: How was't you wou'd have directed -'em? Thus, I think. [<em>Staring at him.</em>]—Then there was -something amiss in my Gait, too: I don't know well how -'twas; but as I take it, he would have had me walk like -him. Pray, Sir, do me the Favour to take a turn or -two about the Room, that the Company may see you.—He's -sullen, Ladies, and won't. But, to make short, -and give you as true an Idea as I can of the matter, I -think 'twas much about this Figure, in general, he would -have moulded me to: But I was an obstinate Woman, -and could not resolve to make myself Mistress of his -Heart, by growing as aukward as his Fancy.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>She walks aukwardly about, staring and looking ungainly, -then changes on a sudden to the Extremity of her -usual Affectation.</em></p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em>. Just thus Women do, when they think we are -in love with em, or when they are so with us.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Here <span class="antiqua">Constant</span> and Lady <span class="antiqua">Brute</span> talk together apart.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> 'Twould, however, be less Vanity for me to -conclude the former, than you the latter, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em>. Madam, all I shall presume to conclude, is, -That if I wer in love, you'd find the means to make me -soon weary on't.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Not by Over-fondness, upon my Word, -Sir. But pray let's stop here; for you are so much govern'd -by Instinct, I know you'll grow brutish at last.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Now am I sure she's fond of him: I'll -try to make her jealous. Well, for my part, I should be -glad to find somebody would be so free with me, that I -might know my Faults, and mend 'em.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[Pg 153]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Then pray let me recommend this Gentleman -to you: I have known him some time, and will be -Surety for him, that upon a very limited Encouragement -on your side, you shall find an extended Impudence on his.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> I thank you, Madam, for your Recommendation: -But hating Idleness, I'm unwilling to enter into -a Place where I believe there would be nothing to do. I -was fond of serving your Ladyship, because I knew -you'd find me constant Employment.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> I told you he'd be rude, <em>Belinda</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> O, a little Bluntness is a sign of Honesty, which -makes me always ready to pardon it. So, Sir, if you -have no other Exceptions to my Service, but the fear of -being idle in it, you may venture to lift yourself: I shall -find you Work, I warrant you.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Upon those Terms I engage, Madam; and -this (with your leave) I take for Earnest.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Offering to kiss her Hand.</em></p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Hold there, Sir; I'm none of your Earnest-givers. -But if I'm well serv'd, I give good Wages, and pay -punctually.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em><span class="antiqua">Heartf</span>. and <span class="antiqua">Bel</span>. seem to continue talking familiarly.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] I don't like this jesting between -'em—Methinks the Fool begins to look as if he were in -earnest.——But then he must be a Fool, indeed.——Lard, -what a Difference there is between me and her! -[<em>Looking at <span class="antiqua">Bel</span>. scornfully.</em>] How I shou'd despise such a -Thing, if I were a Man!—--What a Nose she has!—What -a Chin——What a Neck!—--Then her Eyes——And -the worst kissing Lips in the Universe——No, no, -he can never like her, that's positive——Yet I can't -suffer 'em together any longer. Mr. <em>Heartfree</em>, do you -know that you and I must have no Quarrel for all this? -I can't forbear being a little severe now and then: But -Women, you know, may be allowed any thing.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Up to a certain Age, Madam.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Which I'm not yet past, I hope.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Nor never will, I dare swear.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> [<em>To Lady <span class="antiqua">Brute</span>.</em>] Come, Madam, will your -Ladyship be Witness to our Reconciliation?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[Pg 154]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> You agree, then, at last?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> [<em>Slightingly.</em>] We forgive.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] That was a cold, ill-natur'd Reply.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Then there's no Challenges sent between -you?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Not from me, I promise. [<em>Aside to <span class="antiqua">Constant</span>.</em>] -But that's more than I'll do for her; for I know she can -as well be damn'd as forbear writing to me.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> That I believe. But I think we had best be going, -lest she should suspect something, and be malicious.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> With all my heart.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Ladies, we are your humble Servants. I see Sir -<em>John</em> is quite engag'd, 'twould be in vain to expect him. -Come, <em>Heartfree</em>.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit.</em></p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Ladies, your Servant. [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Belinda</span>.</em>] I hope, -Madam, you won't forget our Bargain; I'm to say what -I please to you.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Heartfree</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Liberty of Speech entire, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Very pretty truly—But how the -Blockhead went out—languishing at her, and not a -Look toward me!—Well, Churchmen may talk, but -Miracles are not ceas'd. For 'tis more than natural, -such a rude Fellow as he, and such a little Impertinent -as she, should be capable of making a Woman of my -Sphere uneasy. But I can bear her sight no longer——methinks -she's grown ten times uglier than <em>Cornet</em>. I -must home, and study Revenge. [<em>To Lady <span class="antiqua">Brute</span>.</em>] Madam, -your humble Servant; I must take my leave.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> What, going already, Madam?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> I must beg you'll excuse me this once; for -really I have eighteen Visits to return this Afternoon: -So you see I'm importun'd by the Women as well as the -Men.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] And she's quits with them both.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> [<em>Going.</em>] Nay, you shan't go one Step out -of the Room.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Indeed I'll wait upon you down.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> No, sweet Lady <em>Brute</em>, you know I swoon -at Ceremony.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Pray give me leave.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> You know I won't.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[Pg 155]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Indeed I must.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Indeed you shan't.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Indeed I will.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em>. Indeed you shan't.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Indeed I will.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Indeed you shan't. Indeed, indeed, indeed -you shan't.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Lady <span class="antiqua">Fan</span>. running; they follow.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Re-enter Lady <span class="antiqua">Brute</span> sola.</em> -</p> - -<p>This impertinent Woman has put me out of Humour -for a Fortnight——What an agreeable Moment has -her foolish Visit interrupted! Lord, how like a Torrent -Love flows into the Heart, when once the Sluice of Desire -is open'd! Good Gods! What a Pleasure there is -in doing what we should not do!</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Re-enter <span class="antiqua">Constant</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p>Ha! here again?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Tho' the renewing my Visit may seem a little -irregular, I hope I shall obtain your Pardon for it, Madam, -when you know I only left the Room, lest the Lady -who was here should have been as malicious in her -Remarks as she's foolish in her Conduct.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> He who has Discretion enough to be -tender of a Woman's Reputation, carries a Virtue about -him may atone for a great many Faults.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> If it has a Title to atone for any, its Pretensions -must needs be strongest where the Crime is Love. I -therefore hope I shall be forgiven the Attempt I have -made upon your Heart, since my Enterprize has been a -Secret to all the World but yourself.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Secrecy, indeed, in Sins of this kind, is -an Argument of weight to lessen the Punishment; but -nothing's a Plea for a Pardon entire, without a sincere -Repentance.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> If Sincerity in Repentance consists in Sorrow -for offending, no Cloyster ever inclos'd so true a Penitent -as I should be. But I hope it cannot be reckon'd an -Offence to love where 'tis a Duty to adore.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> 'Tis an Offence, a great one, where it -would rob a Woman of all she ought to be ador'd for—her -Virtue.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[Pg 156]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Virtue?—Virtue, alas! is no more like the -thing that's call'd so, than 'tis like Vice itself. Virtue -consists in Goodness, Honour, Gratitude, Sincerity, and -Pity; and not in peevish, snarling, strait-lac'd Chastity. -True Virtue, wheresoever it moves, still carries an intrinsick -Worth about it, and is in every Place, and in -each Sex, of equal Value. So is not Continence, you -see: That Phantom of Honour, which Men in every -Age have so contemned, they have thrown it amongst -the Women to scrabble for.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> If it be a thing of so little Value, -why do you so earnestly recommend it to your Wives -and Daughters?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> We recommend it to our Wives, Madam, because -we wou'd keep 'em to ourselves; and to our -Daughters, because we wou'd dispose of 'em to others.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> 'Tis then, of some Importance, it seems, -since you can't dispose of them without it.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> That Importance, Madam, lies in the Humour -of the Country, not in the Nature of the Thing.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> How do you prove that, Sir?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> From the Wisdom of a neighbouring Nation -in a contrary Practice. In Monarchies, things go by -Whimsy; but Commonwealths weigh all things in the -Scale of Reason.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> I hope we are not so very light a People, -to bring up Fashions without some ground.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Pray what does your Ladyship think of a powder'd -Coat for deep Mourning?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> I think, Sir, your Sophistry has all the -effect that you can reasonably expect it should have; it -puzzles, but don't convince.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> I'm sorry for it.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> I'm sorry to hear you say so.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Pray why?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Because, if you expected more from it, -you have a worse Opinion of my Understanding than I -desire you should have.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] I comprehend her: She would have me -set a Value upon her Chastity, that I might think my<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[Pg 157]</a></span>self -the more oblig'd to her when she makes me a Present -of it. [<em>To her.</em>] I beg you will believe I did but rally, -Madam; I know you judge too well of Right and -Wrong, to be deceiv'd by Arguments like those. I -hope you'll have so favourable an Opinion of my Understanding -too, to believe the thing call'd Virtue has -Worth enough with me, to pass for an eternal Obligation -where'er 'tis sacrific'd.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> It is, I think, so great a one as nothing -can repay.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Yes; the making the Man you love your everlasting -Debtor.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> When Debtors once have borrow'd all we -have to lend, they are very apt to grow shy of their Creditors' -Company.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> That, Madam, is only when they are forc'd to -borrow of Usurers, and not of a generous Friend. Let -us choose our Creditors, and we are seldom so ungrateful -to shun 'em.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> What think you of Sir <em>John</em>, Sir? I was -his free Choice.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> I think he's married, Madam.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Does Marriage, then, exclude Men from -your Rule of Constancy?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> It does. Constancy's a brave, free, haughty, -generous Agent, that cannot buckle to the Chains of -Wedlock. There's a poor sordid Slavery in Marriage, -that turns the flowing Tide of Honour, and sinks us to -the lowest Ebb of Infamy. 'Tis a corrupted Soil: Ill-Nature, -Avarice, Sloth, Cowardice, and Dirt, are all its -Product.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Have you no Exceptions to this general -Rule, as well as to t'other?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Yes; I would, after all, be an Exception to it -myself, if you were free in Power and Will to make me -so.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Compliments are well plac'd where 'tis -impossible to lay hold on 'em.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> I wou'd to Heaven 'twere possible for you to -lay hold on mine, that you might see it is no Compli<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[Pg 158]</a></span>ment -at all. But since you are already dispos'd of, beyond -Redemption, to one who does not know the Value -of the Jewel you have put into his Hands, I hope you -wou'd not think him greatly wrong'd, tho' it should -sometimes be look'd on by a Friend, who knows how -to esteem it as he ought.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> If looking on't alone wou'd serve his turn, -the Wrong, perhaps, might not be very great.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Why, what if he shou'd wear it now and then -a Day, so he gave good Security to bring it home again -at Night?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Small Security, I fancy, might serve for -that. One might venture to take his Word.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Then, where's the Injury to the Owner?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> 'Tis an Injury to him, if he think it one. -For if Happiness be seated in the Mind, Unhappiness -must be so too.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Here I close with you, Madam, and draw my -conclusive Argument from your own Position: If the -Injury lie in the Fancy, there needs nothing but Secrecy -to prevent the Wrong.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> [<em>Going.</em>] A surer way to prevent it, is to -hear no more Arguments in its behalf.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> [<em>Following her.</em>] But, Madam——</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> But, Sir, 'tis my turn to be discreet now, -and not suffer too long a Visit.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> [<em>Catching her Hand.</em>] By Heaven, you shall not -stir, till you give me hopes that I shall see you again at -some more convenient Time and Place!</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> I give you just hopes enough——[<em>Breaking -from him.</em>] to get loose from you: and that's all I -can afford you at this time.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit running.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em><span class="antiqua">Constant</span> solus.</em> -</p> - -<p>Now, by all that's great and good, she is a charming -Woman! In what Extasy of Joy she has left me! For -she gave me Hope, did she not say she gave me Hope?—Hope! -Ay: what Hope? Enough to make me let her -go—Why, that's enough in Conscience. Or, no matter -how 'twas spoke: Hope was the Word: it came from -her, and it was said to me.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[Pg 159]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Heartfree</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p>Ha, <em>Heartfree</em>! Thou hast done me noble Service in -prattling to the young Gentlewoman without there; -come to my Arms, thou venerable Bawd, and let me -squeeze thee [<em>Embracing him eagerly.</em>] as a new Pair of -Stays does a fat Country Girl, when she's carried to -Court to stand for a Maid of Honour.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Why, what the Devil's all this Rapture for?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Rapture! There's ground for Rapture, Man; -there's Hopes, my <em>Heartfree</em>, Hopes, my Friend!</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Hopes! of what?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Why, Hopes that my Lady and I together -(for 'tis more than one Body's Work) should make Sir -<em>John</em> a Cuckold.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Pr'ythee, what did she say to thee?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Say? What did she not say? She said that——says -she—she said—Zoons, I don't know what she said; -but she look'd as if she said every thing I'd have her. -And so, if thou'lt go to the Tavern, I'll treat thee with -any thing that Gold can buy; I'll give all my Silver -amongst the Drawers, make a Bonfire before the Door; -say the Plenipo's have sign'd the Peace, and the Bank of -<em>England</em>'s grown honest.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em> <em>opens; Lord <span class="antiqua">Rake</span>, Sir <span class="antiqua">John</span>, &c. -at a Table, drinking.</em></h4> - -<p><em>All.</em> Huzza!</p> - -<p><em>Lord Rake.</em> Come, Boys, charge again——So—Confusion -to all Order! Here's Liberty of Conscience.</p> - -<p><em>All.</em> Huzza!</p> - -<p><em>Lord Rake.</em> I'll sing you a Song I made this Morning -to this purpose.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> 'Tis wicked, I hope.</p> - -<p><em>Col. Bully.</em> Don't my Lord tell you he made it?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Well, then, let's ha't.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[Pg 160]</a></span></p> - -<p>Lord <em>Rake</em> Sings.</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i20">I.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2"><em>What a Pother of late</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Have they kept in the State,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>About setting our Consciences free!</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>A Bottle has more</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Dispensations in store,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Than the King and the State can decree.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i20">II.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2"><em>When my Head's full of Wine,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>I o'erflow with Design,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And know no <span class="antiqua">Penal-Laws</span> that can curb me:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Whate'er I devise</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Seems good in my Eyes,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And Religion ne'er dares to disturb me.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i20">III.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2"><em>No saucy Remorse</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Intrudes in my Course,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Nor impertinent Notions of Evil;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>So there's Claret in store,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>In Peace I've my Whore,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And in Peace I jog on to the Devil.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i4">All sing. <em>So there's Claret</em>, &c.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>Lord Rake.</em> [Rep.] <em>And in Peace I jog on to the Devil.</em> -Well, how do you like it, Gentlemen?</p> - -<p><em>All.</em> O, admirable!</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> I would not give a Fig for a Song that is -not full of Sin and Impudence.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Rake.</em> Then my Muse is to your Taste. But -drink away; the Night steals upon us; we shall want -Time to be lewd in. Hey, Page! Sally out, Sirrah, and -see what's doing in the Camp; we'll beat up their -Quarters presently.</p> - -<p><em>Page.</em> I'll bring your Lordship an exact Account.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Page.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lord Rake.</em>. Now let the Spirit of Clary go round. -Fill me a Brimmer Here's to our Forlorn Hope. Courage, -Knight, Victory attends you.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[Pg 161]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> And Laurels shall crown me; drink away, -and be damn'd.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Rake.</em> Again, Boys; t'other Glass, and damn -Morality.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> [<em>Drunk.</em>] Ay—damn Morality—and damn -the Watch. And let the Constable be married.</p> - -<p><em>All.</em> Huzza!</p> - -<p><em>Re-enter Page.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lord Rake.</em> How are the Streets inhabited, Sirrah?</p> - -<p><em>Page.</em> My Lord, 'tis Sunday-night; they are full of -drunken Citizens.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Rake.</em> Along, then, Boys, we shall have a Feast.</p> - -<p><em>Col. Bully.</em> Along, noble Knight.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Ay——along, <em>Bully</em>; and he that says Sir -<em>John Brute</em> is not as drunk and as religious as the -drunkenest Citizen of them all—is a Liar, and the Son -of a Whore.</p> - -<p><em>Col. Bully.</em> Why, that was bravely spoke, and like a -free-born <em>Englishman</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> What's that to you, Sir, whether I am an -<em>Englishman</em> or a <em>Frenchman</em>?</p> - -<p><em>Col. Bully.</em> Zoons, you are not angry, Sir?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Zoons, I am angry, Sir——for if I'm a -free-born <em>Englishman</em>, what have you to do even to -talk of my Privileges?</p> - -<p><em>Lord Rake.</em> Why, pr'ythee, Knight, don't quarrel here; -leave private Animosities to be decided by Day-light; let -the Night be employ'd against the publick Enemy.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> My Lord, I respect you because you are a -Man of Quality. But I'll make that Fellow know, I -am within a Hair's breadth as absolute by my Privileges, -as the King of <em>France</em> is by his Prerogative. He by his -Prerogative takes Money where it is not his due; I by -my Privilege refuse paying it where I owe it. Liberty -and Property, and <em>Old England</em>, Huzza!</p> - -<p><em>All.</em> Huzza!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[Pg 162]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Sir <span class="antiqua">John</span> reeling, all following him.</em></p> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>A Bed-Chamber.</em></h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Lady Brute</span> and <span class="antiqua">Belinda</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Sure 'tis late, <em>Belinda</em>; I begin to be -sleepy.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Yes, 'tis near Twelve. Will you go to Bed?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> To Bed, my Dear? And by that time -I am fallen into a sweet Sleep (or perhaps a sweet Dream, -which is better and better) Sir <em>John</em> will come home -roaring drunk, and be overjoy'd he finds me in a Condition -to be disturb'd.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> O, you need not fear him; he's in for all -Night. The Servants say he's gone to drink with my -Lord <em>Rake</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Nay, 'tis not very likely, indeed, such -suitable Company should part presently. What Hogs -Men turn, <em>Belinda</em>, when they grow weary of Women!</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> And what Owls they are, whilst they are fond -of 'em!</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> But That we may forgive well enough, -because they are so upon our accounts.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> We ought to do so, indeed; but 'tis a hard matter. -For when a Man is really in love, he looks so unsufferably -silly, that tho' a Woman lik'd him well -enough before, she has then much ado to endure the -Sight of him: And this I take to be the Reason why -Lovers are so generally ill-us'd.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Well, I own, now, I'm well enough -pleased to see a Man look like an Ass for me.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Ay, I'm pleas'd he should look like an Ass, -too;—that is, I'm pleased with myself for making him -look so.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Nay, truly, I think if he'd find some other -way to express his Passion, 'twould be more to his advantage.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Yes; for then a Woman might like his Passion -and him too.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Yet, <em>Belinda</em>, after all, a Woman's Life<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[Pg 163]</a></span> -would be but a dull Business, if it were not for Men; -and Men that can look like Asses, too. We shou'd never -blame Fate for the shortness of our Days; our Time -would hang wretchedly upon our Hands.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Why, truly, they do help us off with a good share -on't: For were there no Men in the World, o'my Conscience, -I shou'd be no longer a-dressing than I'm a-saying -my Prayers; nay, tho' it were Sunday: For you -know that one may go to Church without Stays on.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> But don't you think Emulation might do -something? For every Woman you see desires to be -finer than her Neighbour.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> That's only that the Men may like her better -than her Neighbour. No, if there were no Men, adieu -fine Petticoats, we should be weary of wearing 'em.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> And adieu Plays, we should be weary of -seeing 'em.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Adieu <em>Hyde Park</em>, the Dust would choak us.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Adieu <em>St. James</em>'s, walking would tire us.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Adieu <em>London</em>, the Smoke would stifle us.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> And adieu going to Church, for Religion -wou'd ne'er prevail with us.</p> - -<p><em>Both.</em> Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Our Confession is so very hearty, sure we merit -Absolution.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Not unless we go thro' with't, and confess -all. So, pr'ythee, for the Ease of our Consciences, -let's hide nothing.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Agreed.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Why, then, I confess, that I love to sit in -the Fore-front of a Box; for if one sits behind, there's -two Acts gone, perhaps, before one's found out. And -when I am there, if I perceive the Men whispering and -looking upon me, you must know I cannot for my -Life forbear thinking they talk to my Advantage; and -that sets a thousand little tickling Vanities on foot——</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Just my Case, for all the World; but go on.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> I watch with Impatience for the next Jest -in the Play, that I might laugh, and shew my white -Teeth. If the Poet has been dull, and the Jest be long<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[Pg 164]</a></span> -a-coming, I pretend to whisper one to my Friend, and -from thence fall into a little small Discourse, in which -I take occasion to shew my Face in all Humours, brisk, -pleas'd, serious, melancholy, languishing——Not that -what we say to one another causes any of these alterations. -But——</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Don't trouble yourself to explain. For if I'm -not mistaken, you and I have had some of these necessary -Dialogues before now with the same Intention.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Why, I swear, <em>Belinda</em>, some People do -give strange agreeable Airs to their Faces in speaking. -Tell me true—Did you never practise in the Glass?</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Why, did you?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Yes, 'faith, many a time.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> And I too, I own it; both how to speak myself, -and how to look when others speak. But my Glass -and I could never yet agree what Face I should make -when they come blunt out with a nasty thing in a Play: -For all the Men presently look upon the Women, that's -certain: so laugh we must not, tho' our Stays burst -for't, because that's telling Truth, and owning we understand -the Jest. And to look serious is so dull, when -the whole House is a laughing—</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Besides, that looking serious does really -betray our Knowledge in the matter, as much as laughing -with the Company would do: For if we did not -understand the thing, we shou'd naturally do like other -People.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> For my part, I always take that occasion to blow -my Nose.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> You must blow your Nose half off, then, at -some Plays.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Why don't some Reformer or other be at the -Poet for't?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Because he is not so sure of our private -Approbation, as of our publick Thanks. Well, sure -there is not upon Earth so impertinent a thing as -Women's Modesty.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Yes: Men's Fantasque, that obliges us to it. If -we quit our Modesty, they say we lose our Charms:<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[Pg 165]</a></span> -and yet they know that very Modesty is Affectation, and -rail at our Hypocrisy.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Thus, one would think 'twere a hard matter -to please 'em, Niece; yet our kind Mother Nature -has given us something that makes amends for all. Let -our Weakness be what it will, Mankind will still be -weaker; and whilst there is a World, 'tis Woman that -will govern it. But, pr'ythee, one Word of poor <em>Constant</em> -before we go to bed, if it be but to furnish matter -for Dreams: I dare swear he's talking of me now, or -thinking of me at least, tho' it be in the middle of his -Prayers.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> So he ought, I think; for you were pleas'd to -make him a good round Advance to-day, Madam.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Why, I have e'en plagu'd him enough to -satisfy any reasonable Woman: He has besieg'd me -these two Years, to no purpose.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> And if he besieg'd you two Years more, he'd be -well enough pay'd, so he had the plundering of you at -last.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> That may be; but I'm afraid the Town -won't be able to hold out much longer: for to confess -the Truth to you, <em>Belinda</em>, the Garrison begins to grow -mutinous.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Then the sooner you capitulate, the better.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Yet, methinks, I wou'd fain stay a little -longer to see you fix'd too, that we might start together, -and see who cou'd love longest. What think you, if -<em>Heartfree</em> shou'd have a Month's Mind to you?</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Why, 'faith, I cou'd almost be in love with him -for despising that foolish, affected Lady <em>Fancyfull</em>; but -I'm afraid he's too cold ever to warm himself by my Fire.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Then he deserves to be froze to death. -Wou'd I were a Man for your sake, dear Rogue! -[<em>Kissing her.</em>]</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> You'd wish yourself a Woman again for your own, -or the Men are mistaken. But if I cou'd make a Conquest -of this Son of <em>Bacchus</em>, and rival his Bottle, -what shou'd I do with him? He has no Fortune, I -can't marry him: and sure you wou'd not have me commit -Fornication?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[Pg 166]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Why, if you did, Child, 'twould be but -a good friendly part; if 'twere only to keep me in countenance -whilst I commit—you know what.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Well, if I can't resolve to serve you that way, I -may perhaps some other, as much to your Satisfaction. -But pray how shall we contrive to see these Blades -again quickly?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> We must e'en have recourse to the old -way; make 'em an Appointment 'twixt Jest and Earnest; -'twill look like a Frolick, and that you know 's a -very good thing to save a Woman's Blushes.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> You advise well; but where shall it be?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> In <em>Spring Garden</em>. But they shan't know -their Women, till their Women pull off their Masks; -for a Surprize is the most agreeable thing in the World: -And I find myself in a very good Humour, ready to do -'em any good turn I can think on.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Then pray write 'em the necessary Billet, without -farther delay.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Let's go into your Chamber, then, and -whilst you say your Prayers I'll do it, Child.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-180.jpg" width="700" height="40" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="ACT_IV3" id="ACT_IV3"><em class="gesperrt">ACT</em> IV.</a></h3> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>Covent Garden</em>.</h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Lord <span class="antiqua">Rake</span>, Sir <span class="antiqua">John</span>, &c. with Swords drawn.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lord Rake.</em> <span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">I</span>s</span> the Dog dead?</p> - -<p><em>Col. Bully.</em> No, damn him, I heard him -wheeze.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Rake.</em> How the Witch his Wife howl'd!</p> - -<p><em>Col. Bully.</em> Ay, she'll alarm the Watch presently.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Rake.</em> Appear, Knight, then; come, you have -a good Cause to fight for—there's a Man murder'd.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Is there? Then let his Ghost be satisfy'd;<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[Pg 167]</a></span> -for I'll sacrifice a Constable to it presently, and burn his -Body upon his wooden Chair.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter a Taylor, with a Bundle under his Arm.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Col. Bully.</em> How now? What have we got here? A -Thief.</p> - -<p><em>Taylor.</em> No, an't please you, I'm no Thief.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Rake.</em> That we'll see presently: Here, let the -General examine him.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Ay, ay, let me examine him, and I'll lay -a hundred Pound I find him guilty, in spite of his Teeth—for -he looks—like a—sneaking Rascal. Come, Sirrah, -without Equivocation or mental Reservation, tell -me of what Opinion you are, and what Calling; for -by them——I shall guess at your Morals.</p> - -<p><em>Taylor.</em> An't please you, I'm a Dissenting Journeyman -Taylor.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Then, Sirrah, you love Lying by your -Religion, and Theft by your Trade: And so, that -your Punishment may be suitable to your Crimes—I'll -have you first gagg'd—and then hang'd.</p> - -<p><em>Tayl.</em> Pray, good worthy Gentlemen, don't abuse me: -indeed I'm an honest Man, and a good Workman, tho' -I say it, that should not say it.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> No Words, Sirrah, but attend your Fate.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Rake.</em> Let me see what's in that Bundle.</p> - -<p><em>Tayl.</em> An't please you, it is the Doctor of the Parish's -Gown.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Rake.</em> The Doctor's Gown!—--Hark you, -Knight, you won't stick at abusing the Clergy, will you?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> No, I'm drunk, and I'll abuse any thing—but -my Wife; and her I name—with Reverence.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Rake.</em> Then you shall wear this Gown, whilst -you charge the Watch; that tho' the Blows fall upon -you, the Scandal may light upon the Church.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> A generous Design——by all the Gods——give -it me.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Takes the Gown, and puts it on.</em></p> - -<p><em>Tayl.</em> O dear Gentlemen, I shall be quite undone, if -you take the Gown.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Retire, Sirrah; and since you carry off your -Skin—go home and be happy.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[Pg 168]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Tayl.</em> [<em>Pausing.</em>] I think I had e'en as good follow -the Gentleman's friendly Advice; for if I dispute any -longer, who knows but the Whim may take him to case -me? These Courtiers are fuller of Tricks than they are -of Money; they'll sooner cut a Man's Throat, than pay -his Bill.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Taylor</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> So, how do you like my Shapes now?</p> - -<p><em>Lord Rake.</em> This will do to a Miracle; he looks like -a Bishop going to the Holy War. But to your Arms, -Gentlemen, the Enemy appears.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Constable and Watch.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Watch.</em> Stand! Who goes there? Come before the -Constable.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> The Constable is a Rascal——and you are -the Son of a Whore.</p> - -<p><em>Watch.</em> A good civil Answer for a Parson, truly!</p> - -<p><em>Constab.</em> Methinks, Sir, a Man of your Coat might -set a better Example.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sirrah, I'll make you know——there are -Men of my Coat can set as bad Examples——as you can -do, you Dog, you.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Sir <span class="antiqua">John</span> strikes the Constable. They knock him down, -disarm him, and seize him. Lord Rake, &c. run away.</em></p> - -<p><em>Constab.</em> So, we have secur'd the Parson, however.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Blood, and Blood——and Blood.</p> - -<p><em>Watch.</em> Lord have mercy upon us! How the wicked -Wretch raves of Blood! I'll warrant he has been murdering -some body to-night.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sirrah, there's nothing got by Murder but -a Halter: My Talent lies towards Drunkenness and -Simony.</p> - -<p><em>Watch.</em> Why, that now was spoke like a Man of Parts, -Neighbours; 'tis pity he shou'd be so disguised.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> You lye——I'm not disguis'd; for I am -drunk barefac'd.</p> - -<p><em>Watch.</em> Look you there again—This is a mad Parson, -Mr. <em>Constable</em>; I'll lay a Pot of Ale upon 's Head, he's -a good Preacher.</p> - -<p><em>Constab.</em> Come, Sir, out of respect to your Calling, I<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[Pg 169]</a></span> -shan't put you into the Round-house; but we must secure -you in our Drawing-room till Morning, that you -may do no Mischief. So, come along.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> You may put me where you will, Sirrah, -now you have overcome me——But if I can't do -Mischief, I'll think of Mischief—in spite of your Teeth, -you Dog, you.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>A Bed-Chamber.</em></h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Heartfree</span> solus.</em> -</p> - -<p class="drop-capw"><span class="smcap">What</span> the Plague ails me?——Love? No, I -thank you for that, my Heart's Rock still——Yet -'tis <em>Belinda</em> that disturbs me; that's positive——Well, -what of all that? Must I love her for being troublesome? -At that rate I might love all the Women I -meet, I'gad. But hold!—Tho' I don't love her for disturbing -me, yet she may disturb me, because I love her——Ay, -that may be, 'faith. I have dreamt of her, -that's certain——Well, so I have of my Mother; therefore -what's that to the purpose? Ay, but <em>Belinda</em> runs -in my Mind waking—and so does many a damn'd -thing that I don't care a Farthing for——Methinks, -tho', I would fain be talking to her, and yet I have no -Business——Well, am I the first Man that has had a -Mind to do an impertinent thing?</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Constant</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> How now, <em>Heartfree</em>? What makes you up -and dress'd so soon? I thought none but Lovers quarrell'd -with their Beds; I expected to have found you -snoring, as I us'd to do.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Why, 'faith, Friend, 'tis the Care I have of -your Affairs, that makes me so thoughtful; I have been -studying all Night how to bring your matter about with -<em>Belinda</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> With <em>Belinda</em>?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[Pg 170]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> With my Lady, I mean: And, 'faith, I have -mighty Hopes on't. Sure you must be very well satisfied -with her Behaviour to you yesterday?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> So well, that nothing but a Lover's Fears can -make me doubt of Success. But what can this sudden -Change proceed from?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Why, you saw her Husband beat her, did you not?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> That's true: A Husband is scarce to be borne -upon any terms, much less when he fights with his Wife. -Methinks, she shou'd e'en have cuckolded him upon the -very spot, to shew that after the Battle she was Master -of the Field.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> A Council of War of Women wou'd infallibly -have advis'd her to't. But, I confess, so agreeable -a Woman as <em>Belinda</em> deserves better Usage.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> <em>Belinda</em> again!</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> My Lady, I mean. What a Pox makes me -blunder so to-day? [<em>Aside.</em>] A Plague of this treacherous -Tongue!</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Pr'ythee, look upon me seriously, <em>Heartfree</em>—Now -answer me directly: Is it my Lady, or <em>Belinda</em>, -employs your careful Thoughts thus?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> My Lady, or <em>Belinda</em>?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> In Love; by this Light, in Love.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> In Love!</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Nay, ne'er deny it; for thou'lt do it so aukwardly, -'twill but make the Jest sit heavier about thee. -My dear Friend, I give thee much Joy.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Why, pr'ythee, you won't persuade me to it, -will you?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> That she's Mistress of your Tongue, that's -plain; and I know you are so honest a Fellow, your -Tongue and Heart always go together. But how, but -how the Devil? Pha, ha, ha, ha—</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Hey-dey! Why, sure you don't believe it in -earnest?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Yes, I do, because I see you deny it in jest.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Nay, but look you, <em>Ned</em>—a——deny in jest——a——gadzooks, -you know I say——a——when a -Man denies a thing in jest—a—</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[Pg 171]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Pha, ha, ha, ha, ha.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Nay, then we shall have it: What, because -a Man stumbles at a Word: did you never make a Blunder?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Yes; for I am in Love, I own it.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Then, so am I—Now laugh till thy Soul's -glutted with Mirth. [<em>Embracing him.</em>] But, dear <em>Constant</em>, -don't tell the Town on't.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Nay, then, 'twere almost pity to laugh at thee, -after so honest a Confession. But tell us a little, <em>Jack</em>, -by what new-invented Arms has this mighty Stroke been -given?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> E'en by that unaccountable Weapon call'd -<em>Je-ne-sçai-quoy</em>: For every thing that can come within -the Verge of Beauty, I have seen it with indifference.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> So in few Words, then, the <em>Je-ne-sçai-quoy</em> has -been too hard for the quilted Petticoat.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> I'gad, I think the <em>Je-ne-sçai-quoy</em> is in the -quilted Petticoat; at least 'tis certain, I ne'er think on't -without——a——a <em>Je-ne-sçai-quoy</em> in every Part about -me.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Well, but have all your Remedies lost their -Virtue? Have you turn'd her inside out yet?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> I dare not so much as think on't.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> But don't the two Years Fatigue I have had -discourage you?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Yes: I dread what I foresee; yet cannot quit -the Enterprize. Like some Soldiers, whose Courage -dwells more in their Honour, than their Nature—on -they go, tho' the Body trembles at what the Soul makes -it undertake.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Nay, if you expect your Mistress will use you -as your Profanations against her Sex deserve, you tremble -justly. But how do you intend to proceed, Friend?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Thou know'st I'm but a Novice; be friendly, -and advise me.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Why, look you, then: I'd have you—Serenade -and a——write a Song——Go to Church; Look like a -Fool——Be very officious; Ogle, write and lead out: -And who knows but in a Year or two's time you may<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[Pg 172]</a></span> -be——call'd a troublesome Puppy, and sent about -your Business.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> That's hard.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Yet thus it oft falls out with Lovers, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Pox on me for making one of the Number!</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Have a care: Say no saucy things; 'twill but -augment your Crime; and if your Mistress hears on't, -increase your Punishment.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Pr'ythee say something, then, to encourage -me; you know I help'd you in your Distress.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Why, then, to encourage you to Perseverance, -tho' you may be thoroughly ill-us'd for your Offences; -I'll put you in mind, that even the coyest Ladies of 'em -all are made up of Desires, as well as we; and tho' -they do hold out a long time, they will capitulate at -last. For that thundering Engineer, Nature, does -make such havock in the Town, they must surrender -at long run, or perish in their own Flames.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter a Footman.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Foot.</em> Sir, there's a Porter without with a Letter; he -desires to give it into your own Hands.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Call him in.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Porter.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> What, <em>Joe</em>! Is it thee?</p> - -<p><em>Porter.</em> An't please you, Sir, I was order'd to deliver -this into your own Hands by two well-shap'd Ladies, at -the <em>New Exchange</em>. I was at your Honour's Lodgings, -and your Servants sent me hither.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> 'Tis well; are you to carry any Answer?</p> - -<p><em>Porter.</em> No, my noble Master. They gave me my -Orders, and whip they were gone, like a Maidenhead -at Fifteen.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Very well; there.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Gives him Money.</em></p> - -<p><em>Porter.</em> God bless your Honour!</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Porter.</em></p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Now let's see what honest, trusty <em>Joe</em> has -brought us.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[Pg 173]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Reads.</em></p> - -<div class="blockquot"> - -<p><em>If you and your Play-Fellow can spare time from your -Business and Devotions, don't fail to be at <span class="antiqua">Spring-Garden</span> -about Eight in the Evening. You'll find nothing -there but Women, so you need bring no other Arms than -what you usually carry about you.</em></p></div> - -<p>So, Play-fellow: here's something to stay your Stomach -till your Mistress's Dish is ready for you.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Some of our old batter'd Acquaintance. I -won't go, not I.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Nay, that you can't avoid; there's Honour -in the Case; 'tis a Challenge, and I want a Second.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> I doubt I shall be but a very useless one to -you; for I'm so dishearten'd by this Wound <em>Belinda</em> has -given me, I don't think I shall have Courage enough -to draw my Sword.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> O, if that be all, come along; I'll warrant -you find Sword enough for such Enemies as we have to -deal withal.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>A Street</em>.</h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Constable, &c. with Sir <span class="antiqua">John</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Constab.</em> Come along, Sir; I thought to have let you -slip this Morning, because you were a Minister; -but you are as drunk and as abusive as ever. -We'll see what the Justice of the Peace will say to you.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> And you shall see what I'll say to the -Justice of the Peace, Sirrah.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>They knock at the Door.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Servant.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Constab.</em> Pray, acquaint his Worship, we have got an -unruly Parson here: We are unwilling to expose him, -but don't know what to do with him.</p> - -<p><em>Serv.</em> I'll acquaint my Master.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[Pg 174]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Serv.</em></p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> You——Constable—What damn'd Justice -is this?</p> - -<p><em>Constab.</em> One that will take Care of you, I warrant -you.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Justice.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Well, Mr. Constable, what's the Disorder here?</p> - -<p><em>Constab.</em> An't please your Worship——</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Let me speak, and be damn'd: I'm a Divine, -and can unfold Mysteries better than you can do.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Sadness, sadness! A Minister so overtaken! Pray, -Sir, give the Constable leave to speak, and I'll hear you -very patiently: I assure you, Sir, I will.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sir——You are a very civil Magistrate! -Your most humble Servant.</p> - -<p><em>Constab.</em> An't please your Worship, then, he has attempted -to beat the Watch to-night, and swore——</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> You lye.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Hold, pray, Sir, a little.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sir, your very humble Servant.</p> - -<p><em>Constab.</em> Indeed, Sir, he came at us without any Provocation, -call'd us Whores and Rogues, and laid us on -with a great Quarter-staff. He was in my Lord <em>Rake</em>'s -Company: They have been playing the Devil to-night.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Hem——Hem——Pray, Sir——may you be -Chaplain to my Lord?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sir——I presume——I may if I will.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> My meaning, Sir, is——Are you so?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sir—You mean very well.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> He, hem——hem——Under Favour, Sir, pray -answer me directly.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Under Favour, Sir——Do you use to answer -directly when you are drunk?</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Good lack, good lack! Here's nothing to be -got from him: Pray, Sir, may I crave your Name?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sir——My Name's——[<em>He hiccups.</em>] -Hiccup, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Hiccup? Doctor <em>Hiccup</em>, I have known a great -many Country Parsons of that Name, especially down -in the <em>Fenns</em>. Pray where do you live, Sir?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[Pg 175]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Here——and there, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Why, what a strange Man is this! Where do -you preach, Sir? Have you any Cure?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sir——I have——a very good Cure——for -a Clap, at your Service.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Lord have mercy upon us!</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] This Fellow asks so many impertinent -Questions, I believe, I'gad, 'tis the Justice's -Wife in the Justice's Clothes.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Mr. Constable, I vow and protest, I don't know -what to do with him.</p> - -<p><em>Constab.</em> Truly, he has been but a troublesome Guest -to us all Night.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> I think, I had e'en best let him go about his -Business; for I'm unwilling to expose him.</p> - -<p><em>Constab.</em> E'en what your Worship thinks fit.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sir——not to interrupt Mr. Constable, I -have a small Favour to ask.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Sir, I open both my Ears to you.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sir, your very humble Servant. I have a -little urgent Business calls upon me; and therefore I desire -the Favour of you to bring Matters to a Conclusion.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Sir, if I were sure that Business were not to -commit more Disorders, I wou'd release you.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> None——By my Priesthood!</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Then, Mr. Constable, you may discharge him.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sir, your very humble Servant. If you -please to accept of a Bottle—</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> I thank you, kindly, Sir; but I never drink -in a Morning. Good-by t'ye, Sir, good-by t'ye.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Good by t'ye, good Sir. [<em>Exit Justice.</em>] So——now, -Mr. Constable, shall you and I go pick up a -Whore together?</p> - -<p><em>Constab.</em> No, thank you, Sir; my Wife's enough to -satisfy any reasonable Man.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] He, he, he, he—the Fool is -married, then. Well, you won't go?</p> - -<p><em>Constab.</em> Not I, truly.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Then I'll go by myself; and you and your<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[Pg 176]</a></span> -Wife may be damn'd.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Sir <span class="antiqua">John</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Constable.</em> [<em>Gazing after him.</em>] Why, God a-mercy, -Parson?</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>Spring-Garden</em>.</h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em><span class="antiqua">Constant</span> and <span class="antiqua">Heartfree</span> cross the Stage. As they go off, -enter Lady <span class="antiqua">Fancyfull</span> and <span class="antiqua">Madamoiselle</span> mask'd, and -dogging 'em.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> So; I think we are about the time appointed: -let us walk up this way.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Good: Thus far I have dogg'd 'em without -being discover'd. 'Tis infallibly some Intrigue that -brings them to <em>Spring-Garden</em>. How my poor Heart is -torn and rackt with Fear and Jealousy! Yet let it be -any thing but that Flirt <em>Belinda</em>, and I'll try to bear it. -But if it prove her, all that's Woman in me shall be employ'd -to destroy her.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt after <span class="antiqua">Constant</span> and <span class="antiqua">Heartfree</span>.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Re-enter <span class="antiqua">Constant</span> and <span class="antiqua">Heartfree</span>, Lady <span class="antiqua">Fancyfull</span> and -<span class="antiqua">Madamoiselle</span> still following at a Distance</em>. -</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> I see no Females yet, that have any thing to say -to us. I'm afraid we are banter'd.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> I wish we were; for I'm in no Humour to -make either them or myself merry.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Nay, I'm sure you'll make them merry enough, -if I tell 'em why you are dull. But pr'ythee why so -heavy and sad before you begin to be ill us'd?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> For the same Reason, perhaps, that you are so -brisk and well pleas'd; because both Pains and Pleasures -are generally more considerable in Prospect, than when -they come to pass.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Lady <span class="antiqua">Brute</span> and <span class="antiqua">Belinda</span>, mask'd and poorly dress'd.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> How now! who are these? Not our Game, I -hope.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[Pg 177]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> If they are, we are e'en well enough serv'd, to -come a-hunting here, when we had so much better Game -in Chase elsewhere.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> [<em>To Madamoiselle.</em>] So, those are their Ladies, -without doubt. But I'm afraid that <em>Doily</em> Stuff is -not worn for want of better Clothes. They are the very -Shape and Size of <em>Belinda</em> and her Aunt.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> So dey be inteed, Matam.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> We'll slip into this close Arbour, where -we may hear all they say.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt Lady <span class="antiqua">Fancyfull</span> and <span class="antiqua">Madamoiselle</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> What, are you afraid of us, Gentlemen?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Why, truly, I think we may, if Appearance -don't lye.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Do you always find Women what they appear to -be, Sir?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> No, forsooth; but I seldom find 'em better -than they appear to be.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Then the Outside's best, you think?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> 'Tis the honestest.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Have a care, <em>Heartfree</em>; you are relapsing again.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Why, does the Gentleman use to rail at -Women?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> He has done formerly.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> I suppose he had very good Cause for't. They -did not use you so well as you thought you deserv'd, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> They made themselves merry at your Expence, -Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Laugh'd when you sigh'd—</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Slept while you were waking—</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Had your Porter beat—</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> And threw your Billet-doux in the Fire.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Hey-day, I shall do more than rail presently.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Why, you won't beat us, will you?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> I don't know but I may.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> What the Devil's coming here? Sir <em>John</em> in a -Gown——And drunk, i'faith.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Sir <span class="antiqua">John</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> What a Pox——here's <em>Constant</em>, <em>Heartfree</em>—<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[Pg 178]</a></span>and -two Whores, I'gad——O you covetous Rogues! -what, have you never a spare Punk for your Friend?——But -I'll share with you.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>He seizes both the Women.</em></p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Why, what the plague have you been doing, -Knight?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Why, I have been beating the Watch, and -scandalizing the Clergy.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> A very good Account, truly.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> And what do you think I'll do next?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em>. Nay, that no Man can guess.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Why, if you'll let me sup with you, I'll -treat both your Strumpets.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] O Lord, we're undone!</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> No, we can't sup together, because we have -some Affairs elsewhere. But if you'll accept of these -two Ladies, we'll be so complaisant to you, to resign our -Right in 'em.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Lord, what shall we do?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Let me see; their Clothes are such damn'd -Clothes, they won't pawn for the Reckoning.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> <em>Sir John</em>, your Servant. Rapture attend you!</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Adieu, Ladies, make much of the Gentleman.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Why, sure, you won't leave us in the Hands -of a drunken Fellow to abuse us.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Who do you call a drunken Fellow, you -Slut you? I'm a Man of Quality; the King has made -me a Knight.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em><span class="antiqua">Heart.</span> runs off.</em></p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Ay, ay, you are in good Hands! Adieu, -Adieu!</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> The Devil's Hands: Let me go, or -I'll—For Heaven's sake, protect us!</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>She breaks from him, runs to <span class="antiqua">Constant</span>, twitching off -her Mask, and clapping it on again.</em></p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> I'll Devil you, you Jade you. I'll demolish -your ugly Face.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Hold a little, Knight, she swoons.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> I'll swoon her.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Hey, <em>Heartfree</em>.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[Pg 179]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Re-enter <span class="antiqua">Heartfree</span>. <span class="antiqua">Belinda</span> runs to him, and shews her -Face.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> O Heavens! My dear Creature, stand there a -little.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Pull him off, <em>Jack</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Hold, mighty Man; look ye, Sir, we did -but jest with you. These are Ladies of our Acquaintance -that we had a mind to frighten a little, but now you -must leave us.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Oons, I won't leave you, not I.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Nay, but you must, though; and therefore -make no Words on't.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Then you are a couple of damned uncivil -Fellows. And I hope your Punks will give you Sauce -to your Mutton.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Sir <span class="antiqua">John</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Oh, I shall never come to myself again, -I'm so frightened.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> 'Twas a narrow 'Scape, indeed.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Women must have Frolicks, you see, whatever -they cost them.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> This might have proved a dear one, though.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> You are the more obliged to us for the -Risk we run upon your Accounts.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> And I hope you'll acknowledge something due -to our Knight-Errantry, Ladies. This is the second -time we have delivered you.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> 'Tis true; and since we see Fate has designed -you for our Guardians, 'twill make us the more -willing to trust ourselves in your Hands. But you must -not have the worse Opinion of us for our innocent Frolick.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Ladies, you may command our Opinions in -every thing that is to your Advantage.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Then, Sir, I command you to be of Opinion, -That Women are sometimes better than they appear to -be.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Lady <span class="antiqua">Brute</span> and <span class="antiqua">Constant</span> talk apart.</em></p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Madam, you have made a Convert of me in -every thing. I'm grown a Fool: I cou'd be fond of a -Woman.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[Pg 180]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> I thank you, Sir, in the Name of the whole Sex.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Which Sex nothing but yourself cou'd ever -have aton'd for.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Now has my Vanity a devilish Itch, to know in -what my Merit consists.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> In your Humility, Madam, that keeps you -ignorant it consists at all.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> One other Compliment, with that serious Face, -and I hate you for ever after.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Some Women love to be abus'd: Is that it -you wou'd be at?</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> No, not that, neither: But I'd have Men talk -plainly what's fit for Women to hear; without putting -'em either to a real or an affected Blush.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Why, then, in as plain Terms as I can find to -express myself, I could love you even to—Matrimony itself -a'most, I'gad.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Just as Sir <em>John</em> did her Ladyship there.——What -think you? Don't you believe one Month's time -might bring you down to the same Indifference, only -clad in a little better Manners, perhaps? Well, you -Men are unaccountable things, mad till you have your -Mistresses, and then stark mad till you are rid of 'em -again. Tell me honestly, Is not your Patience put to a -much severer Trial after Possession than before?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> With a great many I must confess it is, to -our eternal Scandal; but I——dear Creature, do but -try me.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> That's the surest way, indeed, to know, but not -the safest. [<em>To Lady <span class="antiqua">Brute</span>.</em>] Madam, are not you for -taking a Turn in the Great Walk? It's almost dark, -no body will know us.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Really I find myself something idle, <em>Belinda</em>: -besides, I doat upon this little odd private Corner. -But don't let my lazy Fancy confine you. [<em>Const. aside.</em>] -So, she wou'd be left alone with me; that's well.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Well, we'll take one Turn, and come to you -again. [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Heart</span>.</em>] Come, Sir, shall we go pry into the -Secrets of the Garden? Who knows what Discoveries -we may make?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[Pg 181]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Madam, I'm at your Service.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Heart</span>. aside.</em>] Don't make too much haste -back; for, d'ye hear?——I may be busy.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Enough.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt <span class="antiqua">Belinda</span> and <span class="antiqua">Heartfree</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Sure you think me scandalously free, Mr. -<em>Constant</em>. I'm afraid I shall lose your good Opinion of me.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> My good Opinion, Madam, is like your Cruelty——ne'er -to be remov'd.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> But if I should remove my Cruelty, then -there's an end of your good Opinion.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> There is not so strict an Alliance between 'em, -neither. 'Tis certain I shou'd love you then better (if -that be possible) than I do now; and where I love, I always -esteem.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Indeed, I doubt you much. Why, suppose -you had a Wife, and she should entertain a Gallant?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> If I gave her just Cause, how cou'd I justly condemn -her?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Ah! but you'd differ widely about just -Causes.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> But Blows can bear no Dispute.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Nor ill Manners much, truly.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Then no Woman upon Earth has so just a Cause -as you have.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> O, but a faithful Wife is a beautiful -Character.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> To a deserving Husband, I confess it is.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> But can his Faults release my Duty?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> In Equity, without doubt. And where Laws -dispense with Equity, Equity should dispense with Laws.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Pray let's leave this Dispute; for you -Men have as much Witchcraft in your Arguments, as -Women have in their Eyes.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> But whilst you attack me with your Charms, -'tis but reasonable I assault you with mine.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> The Case is not the same. What Mischief -we do, we can't help, and therefore are to be forgiven.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Beauty soon obtains Pardon for the Pain that<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[Pg 182]</a></span> -it gives, when it applies the Balm of Compassion to the -Wound: But a fine Face, and a hard Heart, is almost -as bad as an ugly Face and a soft one; both very -troublesome to many a poor Gentleman.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Yes, and to many a poor Gentlewoman, -too, I can assure you. But pray, which of 'em is it that -most afflicts you?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Your Glass and Conscience will inform you, -Madam. But for Heaven's sake (for now I must be serious), -if Pity, or if Gratitude can move you; [<em>Taking -her Hand.</em>] if Constancy and Truth have power to -tempt you; if Love, if Adoration can affect you; give -me at least some Hopes, that Time may do what you -perhaps mean never to perform; 'twill ease my Sufferings, -tho' not quench my Flame.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Your Sufferings eas'd, your Flame wou'd -soon abate: And that I would preserve, not quench it, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Wou'd you preserve it, nourish it with Favours; -for that's the Food it naturally requires.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Yet on that natural Food 'twould surfeit -soon, shou'd I resolve to grant all you wou'd ask.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> And in refusing all, you starve it. Forgive me, -therefore, since my Hunger rages, if I at last grow wild, -and in my frenzy force at least this from you. [<em>Kissing -her Hand.</em>] Or if you'd have my Flame soar higher still, -then grant me this, and this, and Thousands more; [<em>Kissing -first her Hand, then her Neck.</em>] [<em>Aside.</em>] For now's the -time she melts into Compassion.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Poor Coward Virtue, how it -shuns the Battle! O Heavens! let me go.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Ay, go, ay: Where shall we go, my charming -Angel——into this private Arbour——Nay, let's lose -no time——Moments are precious.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> And Lovers wild. Pray let us stop here; -at least for this time.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> 'Tis impossible; he that has power over you, -can have none over himself.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>As he is forcing her into the Arbour, Lady <span class="antiqua">Fancyfull</span> and -<span class="antiqua">Madamoiselle</span> bolt out upon them, and run over the -Stage.</em> -</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[Pg 183]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Ah! I'm lost!</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Fe, fe, fe, fe, fe.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Fe, fe, fe, fe, fe.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Death and Furies, who are these?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> O Heavens! I'm out of my Wits; if -they knew me, I am ruin'd.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Don't be frightened: Ten thousand to one -they are Strangers to you.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Whatever they are, I won't stay here a -Moment longer.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Whither will you go?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Home, as if the Devil were in me. Lord, -where's this <em>Belinda</em> now?</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Belinda</span> and <span class="antiqua">Heartfree</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p>O! 'tis well you are come: I'm so frightened, my -Hair stands an end. Let's be gone, for Heaven's sake!</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Lord, what's the matter?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> The Devil's the Matter; we are discovered. -Here's a couple of Women have done the most -impertinent thing. Away, away, away, away, away.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit running.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Re-enter Lady <span class="antiqua">Fancyfull</span> and <span class="antiqua">Madamoiselle</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Well, <em>Madamoiselle</em>, 'tis a prodigious thing -how Women can suffer filthy Fellows to grow so familiar -with 'em.</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Ah Madame, il n'y a rien de si naturel.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Fe, fe, fe! But, oh my Heart! O Jealousy! -O Torture! I'm upon the rack. What shall I do? My -Lover's lost, I ne'er shall see him mine. [<em>Pausing.</em>]——But -I may be reveng'd; and that's the same thing. Ah -sweet Revenge! Thou welcome Thought, thou healing -Balsam to my wounded Soul! Be but propitious on this -one Occasion, I'll place my Heaven in thee, for all my -Life to come.</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">To Woman how indulgent Nature's kind!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">No Blast of Fortune long disturbs her Mind:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Compliance to her Fate supports her still;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If Love won't make her happy—Mischief will.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[Pg 184]</a></span></p> -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-198.jpg" width="700" height="38" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="ACT_V3" id="ACT_V3"><em class="gesperrt">ACT</em> V.</a></h3> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>Lady</em> Fancyfull's <em>House</em>.</h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Lady <span class="antiqua">Fancyfull</span> and <span class="antiqua">Madamoiselle</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> <span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">W</span>ell</span>, <em>Madamoiselle</em>, did you dog -the filthy Things?</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>O que ouy, Madame.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> And where are they?</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Au Logis.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> What, Men and all?</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Tous ensemble.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> O Confidence! What, carry their Fellows -to their own House?</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>C'est que le Mari n'y est pas.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> No; so I believe, truly. But he shall be -there, and quickly too, if I can find him out. Well, 'tis -a prodigious thing, to see when Men and Women get -together, how they fortify one another in their Impudence. -But if that drunken Fool, her Husband, he to -be found in e'er a Tavern in Town, I'll send him amongst -'em: I'll spoil their sport.</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>En verité, Madame, ce seroit domage.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> 'Tis in vain to oppose it, <em>Madamoiselle</em>; -therefore never go about it. For I am the steadiest Creature -in the World—when I have determin'd to do -Mischief. So, come along.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[Pg 185]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>Sir <span class="antiqua">John Brute</span>'s House</em>.</h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Constant</span>, <span class="antiqua">Heartfree</span>, Lady <span class="antiqua">Brute</span>, <span class="antiqua">Belinda</span>, and -<span class="antiqua">Lovewell</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> But are you sure you don't mistake, -<em>Lovewell</em>?</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> Madam, I saw 'em all go into the Tavern together, -and my Master was so drunk he cou'd scarce -stand.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Then, Gentlemen, I believe we may venture -to let you stay, and play at Cards with us, an Hour -or two: For they'll scarce part till Morning.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> I think 'tis pity they should ever part.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> The Company that's here, Madam.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Then, Sir, the Company that's here must -remember to part itself in time.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Madam, we don't intend to forfeit your future -Favours by an indiscreet Usage of this. The Moment -you give us the Signal, we shan't fail to make our Retreat.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Upon those Conditions, then, let us sit -down to Cards.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Lovewell</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lov.</em> O Lord, Madam, here's my Master just staggering -in upon you; he has been quarrelsome yonder, and -they have kick'd him out of the Company.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Into the Closet, Gentlemen, for Heaven's -sake; I'll wheedle him to Bed, if possible.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em><span class="antiqua">Const.</span> and <span class="antiqua">Heart.</span> run into the Closet.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Sir <span class="antiqua">John</span>, all dirt and bloody.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Ah——Ah——he's all over Blood!</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> What the plague does the Woman—squall -for? Did you never see a Man in Pickle before?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Lord, where have you been?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> I have been at——Cuffs.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> I fear that is not all. I hope you are not -wounded.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[Pg 186]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sound as a Roach, Wife.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> I'm mighty glad to hear it.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> You know—I think you lye.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> You do me wrong to think so. For Heaven's -my Witness; I had rather see my own Blood trickle -down, than yours.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Then will I be crucify'd.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> 'Tis a hard Fate, I shou'd not be believ'd.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> 'Tis a damn'd Atheistical Age, Wife.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> I am sure I have given you a thousand -tender Proofs, how great my Care is of you. But, spite -of all your cruel Thoughts, I'll still persist, and at this -Moment, if I can, persuade you to lie down and sleep a -little.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Why—do you think I am drunk—you Slut, -you?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Heaven forbid I shou'd! But I'm afraid -you are feverish. Pray let me feel your Pulse.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Stand off, and be damn'd.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Why, I see your Distemper in your very -Eyes. You are all on Fire. Pray, go to Bed; let me -intreat you.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em>——Come, kiss me, then.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> [<em>Kissing him.</em>] There: Now go. [<em>Aside.</em>] -He stinks like Poison.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> I see it goes damnably against your Stomach—And -therefore—Kiss me again.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Nay, now you fool me.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Do't, I say.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Ah, Lord have mercy upon me! -Well—there: now will you go?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Now, Wife, you shall see my Gratitude. -You gave me two Kisses—I'll give you—two hundred.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Kisses, and tumbles her.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> O Lord! Pray, Sir John, be quiet. Heavens, -what a Pickle am I in!</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] If I were in her Pickle, I'd call my Gallant -out of the Closet, and he shou'd cudgel him soundly.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> So, now you being as dirty and as nasty as<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[Pg 187]</a></span> -myself, we may go pig together. But first I must have a -Cup of your cold Tea, Wife.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Going to the Closet.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> O I'm ruin'd! There's none there, my -Dear.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> I'll warrant you I'll find some, my Dear.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> You can't open the Door, the Lock's -spoil'd; I have been turning and turning the Key this -half Hour to no purpose. I'll send for the Smith to-morrow.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> There's ne'er a Smith in <em>Europe</em> can open a -Door with more Expedition than I can do——As for -Example—Poh! [<em>He bursts open the Door with his Foot.</em>]——How -now! What the Devil have we got here?——<em>Constant</em>——<em>Heartfree</em>——And -two Whores again, I'gad——This -is the worst cold Tea——that ever I met with -in my Life——</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Constant</span> and <span class="antiqua">Heartfree</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] O Lord, what will become of us?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Gentlemen——I am your very humble Servant—I -give you many Thanks——I see you take Care -of my Family——I shall do all I can to return the Obligation.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Sir, how oddly soever this Business may appear to -you, you would have no cause to be uneasy, if you knew -the Truth of all things; your Lady is the most virtuous -Woman in the World, and nothing has past but an innocent -Frolick.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Nothing else, upon my Honour, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> You are both very civil Gentlemen—And -my Wife, there, is a very civil Gentlewoman; therefore -I don't doubt but many civil things have past between -you. Your very humble Servant.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> [<em>Aside to <span class="antiqua">Const</span>.</em>] Pray be gone: He's so -drunk he can't hurt us to-night, and to-morrow Morning -you shall hear from us.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> I'll obey you, Madam. Sir, when you are -cool, you'll understand Reason better. So then I shall take -the pains to inform you. If not——I wear a Sword, -Sir, and so good by t'ye. Come along, <em>Heartfree</em>.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[Pg 188]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit.</em></p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Wear a Sword, Sir—And what of all that, -Sir? He comes to my House; eats my Meat; lies with -my Wife; dishonours my Family; gets a Bastard to inherit -my Estate——And when I ask a civil Account of -all this—Sir, says he, I wear a Sword—Wear a Sword, -Sir? Yes, Sir, says he, I wear a Sword——It may be -a good Answer at Cross-purposes; but 'tis a damn'd one -to a Man in my whimsical Circumstance——Sir, says he, -I wear a Sword! [<em>To Lady <span class="antiqua">Brute</span>.</em>] And what do you -wear now? ha! tell me. [<em>Sitting down in a great Chair.</em>] -What, you are modest, and can't—Why, then, I'll tell -you, you Slut, you. You wear——an impudent, lewd -Face——A damn'd designing Heart——And a Tail——and -a Tail full of——[<em>He falls fast asleep, snoaring.</em>]</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> So; thanks to kind Heaven, he's fast for -some Hours.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> 'Tis well he is so, that we may have time to lay -our Story handsomely; for we must lye like the Devil, -to bring ourselves off.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> What shall we say, <em>Belinda</em>?</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> [<em>Musing.</em>]——I'll tell you: It must all light upon -<em>Heartfree</em> and I. We'll say he has courted me some time, -but, for Reasons unknown to us, has ever been very -earnest the thing might be kept from Sir <em>John</em>. That -therefore hearing him upon the Stairs, he ran into the -Closet, tho' against our Will, and <em>Constant</em> with him, to -prevent Jealousy. And to give this a good impudent -Face of Truth, (that I may deliver you from the trouble -you are in) I'll e'en, if he pleases, marry him.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> I'm beholden to you, Cousin; but that -wou'd be carrying the Jest a little too far for your own -sake: You know he's a younger Brother, and has nothing.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> 'Tis true: But I like him, and have Fortune -enough to keep above Extremity: I can't say I would -live with him in a Cell, upon Love and Bread and Butter: -But I had rather have the Man I love, and a middle -State of Life, than that Gentleman in the Chair there, -and twice your Ladyship's Splendour.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> In truth, Niece, you are in the right on't;<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[Pg 189]</a></span> -for I am very uneasy with my Ambition. But, perhaps, -had I married as you'll do, I might have been as ill us'd.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Some Risk, I do confess, there always is: But -if a Man has the least Spark either of Honour or Good-nature, -he can never use a Woman ill, that loves him, -and makes his Fortune both. Yet I must own to you, -some little struggling I still have with this teazing Ambition -of ours; for Pride, you know, is as natural to a -Woman, as 'tis to a Saint. I can't help being fond of -this Rogue; and yet it goes to my Heart, to think I must -never whisk to <em>Hyde-Park</em> with above a Pair of Horses; -have no Coronet upon my Coach, nor a Page to carry -up my Train. But above all—that Business of Place—Well, -taking place is a noble Prerogative—</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Especially after a Quarrel—</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Or of a Rival. But pray say no more on't, for -fear I change my Mind; for, o' my Conscience, wer't -not for your Affair in the Balance, I should go near to -pick up some odious Man of Quality yet, and only take -poor <em>Heartfree</em> for a Gallant.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Then him you must have, however things -go?</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Yes.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Why, we may pretend what we will: but -'tis a hard matter to live without the Man we love.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Especially when we are married to the Man we -hate. Pray tell me: Do the Men of the Town ever -believe us virtuous, when they see us do so?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> O, no: Nor indeed, hardly, let us do -what we will. The most of them think, there is no -such thing as Virtue, consider'd in the strictest Notions -of it; and therefore when you hear 'em say, such a one -is a Woman of Reputation, they only mean she's a Woman -of Discretion. For they consider we have no more -Religion than they have, nor so much Morality; and -between you and I, <em>Belinda</em>, I'm afraid the want of -Inclination seldom protects any of us.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> But what think you of the Fear of being found -out?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> I think That never kept any Woman vir<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[Pg 190]</a></span>tuous -long. We are not such Cowards, neither. No: -Let us once pass Fifteen, and we have too good an Opinion -of our own Cunning, to believe the World can penetrate -into what we would keep a Secret. And so, in -short, we cannot reasonably blame the Men for judging -of us by themselves.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> But sure we are not so wicked as they are, after all?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> We are as wicked, Child, but our Vice -lies another way: Men have more Courage than we, so -they commit more bold, impudent Sins. They quarrel, -fight, swear, drink, blaspheme, and the like: Whereas -we, being Cowards, only backbite, tell Lyes, cheat at -Cards, and so forth. But 'tis late: Let's end our Discourse -for to-night, and, out of an excess of Charity, take -a small Care of that nasty, drunken Thing there——Do -but look at him, <em>Belinda</em>!</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Ah——'tis a savoury Dish.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> As savoury as 'tis, I'm cloy'd with't. -Pr'ythee call the Butler to take it away.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Call the Butler!—--Call the Scavenger! [<em>To a -Servant within.</em>] Who's there? Call <em>Rasor</em>! Let him -take away his Master, scour him clean with a little Sope -and Sand, and so put him to Bed.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Come, <em>Belinda</em>, I'll e'en lie with you to-night; -and in the Morning we'll send for our Gentlemen -to set this Matter even.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> With all my Heart.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Good Night, my Dear.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Making a low Curtsy to Sir <span class="antiqua">John</span>.</em></p> - -<p>[<em>Both.</em>] Ha, ha, ha!</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Rasor</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> My Lady there's a Wag—My Master there's -a Cuckold. Marriage is a slippery thing—Women have -depraved Appetites.—My Lady's a Wag; I have heard -all; I have seen all; I understand all; and I'll tell all; -for my little <em>French-woman</em> loves News dearly. This -Story'll gain her Heart, or nothing will. [<em>To his Master.</em>] -Come, Sir, your Head's too full of Fumes at present, to -make room for your Jealousy; but I reckon we shall<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[Pg 191]</a></span> -have rare work with you, when your Pate's empty. -Come to your Kennel, you cuckoldly, drunken Sot, you!</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Carries him out upon his Back.</em></p> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>Lady</em> Fancyfull's <em>House</em>.</h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Lady <span class="antiqua">Fancyfull</span> and <span class="antiqua">Madamoiselle</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> But, why did not you tell me before, -<em>Madamoiselle</em>, that <em>Rasor</em> and you were -fond?</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> De Modesty hinder me, Matam.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Why, truly, Modesty does often hinder us -from doing things we have an extravagant mind to. But -does he love you well enough yet, to do any thing you -bid him? Do you think, to oblige you, he wou'd speak -Scandal?</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Matam, to oblige your Ladyship, he shall -speak Blasphemy.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Why, then, <em>Madamoiselle</em>, I'll tell you what -you shall do. You shall engage him to tell his Master -all that past at <em>Spring Garden</em>: I have a mind he shou'd -know what a Wife and a Niece he has got.</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Il le fera, Madame.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter a Footman, who speaks to <span class="antiqua">Madamoiselle</span> apart.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Foot.</em> <em>Madamoiselle</em>, yonder's Mr. <em>Rasor</em> desires to speak -with you.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Tell him, I come presently. [<em>Exit Footman.</em>] -<em>Rasor</em> be dare, Matam.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> That's fortunate. Well, I'll leave you together. -And if you find him stubborn, <em>Madamoiselle</em>—hark -you—don't refuse him a few little reasonable Liberties -to put him into Humour.</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Laissez moy faire.</em></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Lady</span> Fancyfull.</em></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em><span class="antiqua">Rasor</span> peeps in; and seeing Lady <span class="antiqua">Fancyfull</span> gone, runs -to <span class="antiqua">Madamoiselle</span>, takes her about the Neck, and kisses her.</em></p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> How now, Confidence?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[Pg 192]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> How now, Modesty!</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Who make you so familiar, Sirrah?</p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> My Impudence, Hussy.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Stand off, Rogue-Face.</p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> Ah——<em>Madamoiselle</em>——great News at our -House.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Why, vat be de matter?</p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> The Matter?—Why, Uptails All's the Matter.</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Tu te mocque de moy.</em></p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> Now do you long to know the Particulars: -The Time when—The Place where—The Manner how. -But I don't tell you a Word more.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Nay, den dou kill me, <em>Rasor</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> Come, kiss me, then.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Clapping his Hands behind him.</em></p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Nay, pridee tell me.</p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> Good by t' ye.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Going.</em></p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Hold, hold: I will kiss dee.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Kissing him.</em></p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> So, that's civil: Why, now, my pretty Poll, -my Goldfinch, my little Waterwagtail——you must -know, that——Come, kiss me again.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> I won't kiss de no more.</p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> Good by t' ye.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Going.</em></p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Doucement! <span class="antiqua">Derre</span>: es tu content?</em></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Kissing him.</em></p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> So: Now I'll tell thee all. Why, the News -is, That Cuckoldom in Folio is newly printed; and -Matrimony in Quarto is just going into the Press. Will -you buy any Books, <em>Madamoiselle</em>?</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Tu parle comme un Libraire</em>; de Devil no understand -dee.</p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> Why, then, that I may make myself intelligible -to a Waiting-Woman, I'll speak like a Valet de -Chambre. My Lady has cuckolded my Master.</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Bon.</em></p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> Which we take very ill from her Hands, I can -tell her that. We can't yet prove Matter of Fact upon -her.</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>N'importe.</em></p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> But we can prove, that Matter of Fact had like -to have been upon her.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[Pg 193]</a></span></p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Ouy da.</em></p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> For we have such bloody Circumstances—</p> - -<p>Madam. Sans doute.</p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> That any Man of Parts may draw tickling -Conclusions from 'em.</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Fort bien.</em></p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> We found a couple of tight, well-built -Gentlemen stufft into her Ladyship's Closet.</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Le Diable!</em></p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> And I, in my particular Person, have discovered -a most damnable Plot, how to persuade my poor -Master, that all this Hide and Seek, this <em>Will</em> in the -<em>Whisp</em>, has no other meaning than a Christian Marriage -for sweet Mrs. <em>Belinda</em>.</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Une Mariage?——Ah les Droles!</em></p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> Don't you interrupt me, Hussy; 'tis agreed, I -say. And my innocent Lady, to wriggle herself out -at the Back-door of the Business, turns Marriage-Bawd to -her Niece, and resolves to deliver up her fair Body to be -tumbled and mumbled by that young liquorish Whipster, -<em>Heartfree</em>. Now are you satisfy'd?</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> No.</p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> Right Woman; always gaping for more.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Dis be all, den, dat dou know?</p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> All? Aye, and a great deal, too, I think.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Dou be Fool, dou know noting. <em>Ecoute, mon -pauvre</em> Rasor. Dou sees des two Eyes?—Des two Eyes -have see de Devil.</p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> The Woman's mad.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> In <em>Spring-Garden</em>, dat Rogue <em>Constant</em> meet -dy Lady.</p> - -<p>Rasor. <em>Bon.</em></p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em>——I'll tell dee no more.</p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> Nay, pr'ythee, my Swan.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Come, kiss me den.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Clapping her Hands behind her as he did before.</em></p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> I won't kiss you, not I.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Adieu.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Going.</em></p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> Hold——Now proceed.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[Pg 194]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Gives her a hearty Kiss.</em></p> - -<p>Madam. <em>A ça</em>——I hide myself in one cunning -Place, where I hear all, and see all. First, dy drunken -Master come <em>mal a propos</em>; but de Sot no know his own -dear Wife, so he leave her to her Sport—Den de Game -begin. De Lover say soft ting: De Lady look upon de -Ground. [<em>As she speaks, <span class="antiqua">Rasor</span> still acts the Man, and she -the Woman.</em>] He take her by de Hand: She turn her -Head on oder Way. Den he squeeze very hard: Den -she pull——very softly. Den he take her in his Arm: -Den she give him leetel pat. Den he kiss her Tettons. -Den she say—Pish, nay see. Den he tremble: Den she—sigh. -Den he pull her into de Arbour: Den she pinch -him.</p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> Aye, but not so hard, you Baggage, you.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Den he grow bold: She grow weak, he tro -her down, <em>il tombe dessu, le Diable assiste, il emport tout</em>. -[<em><span class="antiqua">Rasor</span> struggles with her, as if he would throw her -down.</em>] Stand off, Sirrah!</p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> You have set me a-fire, you Jade, you.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Den go to de River, and quench dy self.</p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> What an unnatural Harlot 'tis!</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> <em>Rasor.</em></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Looking languishingly on him.</em></p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> <em>Madamoiselle.</em></p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Dou no love me.</p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> Not love thee?—More than a <em>Frenchman</em> does -Soup.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Den dou will refuse nothing dat I bid dee?</p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> Don't bid me be damn'd, then.</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> No, only tell dy Master all I have tell dee -of dy Laty.</p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> Why, you little, malicious Strumpet, you, -shou'd you like to be serv'd so?</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Dou dispute den?—Adieu.</p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> Hold—But why wilt thou make me such a -Rogue, my Dear?</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Voila un vrai Anglois! Il est amoureux, et -cependant il veut raisonner. Va t'en au Diable.</em></p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> Hold once more: In hopes thou'lt give me -up thy Body, I resign thee my Soul.</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Bon, ecoute donc</em>;——If dou fail me——<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[Pg 195]</a></span>I -never see de more——If dou obey me——<em>Je m'abandonne -a toy.</em> [<em>She takes him about the Neck, and gives -him a smacking Kiss.</em>]</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Madamoiselle</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> [<em>Licking his Lips.</em>] Not be a Rogue?——<em>Amor -vincit Omnia.</em></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Rasor</span>.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Lady <span class="antiqua">Fancyfull</span> and <span class="antiqua">Madamoiselle</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Marry, say ye? Will the two Things marry?</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>On le va faire, Madame.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Look you, <em>Madamoiselle</em>—In short, I can't -bear it——No; I find I can't—If once I see 'em a-bed -together, I shall have ten thousand Thoughts in my -Head will make me run distracted. Therefore run and -call <em>Rasor</em> back immediately; for something must be -done to stop this impertinent Wedding. If I can but -defer it four-and-twenty Hours, I'll make such Work -about Town, with that little pert Slut's Reputation, -he shall as soon marry a Witch.</p> - -<p>Madam. [<em>Aside.</em>] <em>La voilà bien intentionnée.</em></p> - -<p class="directright">[Exeunt.</p> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em><span class="antiqua">Constant</span>'s Lodgings</em>.</h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Constant</span> and <span class="antiqua">Heartfree</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> But what dost think will become of this Business?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> 'Tis easier to think what will not come on't.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> What's that?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> A Challenge. I know the Knight too well for -that; his dear Body will always prevail upon his noble -Soul to be quiet.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> But tho' he dare not challenge me, perhaps he -may venture to challenge his Wife.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Not if you whisper him in the Ear, you won't -have him do't; and there's no other way left, that I see. -For as drunk as he was, he'll remember you and I were -where we shou'd not be; and I don't think him quite -Blockhead enough yet to be persuaded we were got into -his Wife's Closet only to peep into her Prayer-Book.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[Pg 196]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter a Servant with a Letter.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Serv.</em> Sir, here's a Letter; a Porter brought it.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> O ho, here's Instructions for us.</p> - -<p><em>Reads:</em></p> - -<div class="hangindent"> - -<p><em>The Accident that has happen'd has touch'd our Invention -to the quick. We wou'd fain come off, without your -help; but find that's impossible. In a Word, the whole -Business must be thrown upon a Matrimonial Intrigue -between your Friend and mine. But if the Parties are -not fond enough to go quite through with the matter, -'tis sufficient for our Turn, they own the Design. -We'll find Pretences enough to break the Match.</em></p> - -<p> -Adieu.<br /> -</p> -</div> - -<p>----Well, Woman for Invention! How long wou'd my -Block-Head have been producing this!—--Hey, <em>Heartfree</em>? -What, musing, Man? Pr'ythee be chearful. What -say'st thou, Friend, to this matrimonial Remedy?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Why, I say, 'tis worse than the Disease.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Here's a Fellow for you! There's Beauty and -Money on her Side, and Love up to the Ears on his: -and yet——</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> And yet, I think, I may reasonably be allow'd -to boggle at marrying the Niece, in the very Moment -that you are debauching the Aunt.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Why, truly, there may be something in that. -But have not you a good Opinion enough of your own -Parts, to believe you cou'd keep a Wife to yourself?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> I shou'd have, if I had a good Opinion enough -of her's, to believe she cou'd do as much by me. For to -do 'em right, after all, the Wife seldom rambles, till -the Husband shews her the way.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> 'Tis true, a Man of real Worth scarce ever is a -Cuckold, but by his own Fault. Women are not naturally -lewd; there must be something to urge 'em to it. -They'll cuckold a Churl, out of Revenge; a Fool, because -they despise him; a Beast, because they loath him. -But when they make bold with a Man they once had a -well-grounded Value for, 'tis because they first see themselves -neglected by him.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[Pg 197]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Nay, were I well assured that I should never -grow Sir <em>John</em>, I ne'er shou'd fear <em>Belinda</em>, wou'd play -my Lady. But our Weakness, thou knowest, my Friend, -consists in that very Change we so impudently throw -upon (indeed) a steadier and more generous Sex.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Why, 'faith, we are a little impudent in that -matter, that's the truth on't. But this is wonderful, to -see you grown so warm an Advocate for those whom (but -t'other Day) you took so much Pains to abuse.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> All Revolutions run into Extremes; the Bigot -makes the boldest Atheist; and the coyest Saint, the -most extravagant Strumpet. But, pr'ythee, advise me in -this Good and Evil, this Life and Death, this Blessing -and Cursing, that's set before me. Shall I marry, or -die a Maid?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Why, 'faith, <em>Heartfree</em>, Matrimony is like an -Army going to engage. Love's the forlorn Hope, which -is soon cut off; the Marriage-Knot is the main Body, -which may stand buff a long, long time; and Repentance -is the Rear-Guard, which rarely gives ground as -long as the main Body has a Being.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Conclusion, then; you advise me to whore on, -as you do.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> That's not concluded yet. For tho' Marriage -be a Lottery, in which there are a wondrous many -Blanks; yet there is one inestimable Lot, in which the -only Heaven on Earth is written. Wou'd your kind Fate -but guide your Hand to that, tho' I were wrapt in all -that Luxury itself could clothe me with, I still shou'd -envy you.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> And justly, too; for to be capable of loving -one, doubtless, is better than to possess a thousand. But -how far that Capacity's in me, alas! I know not.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> But you wou'd know.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> I wou'd so.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Matrimony will inform you. Come, one Flight -of Resolution carries you to the Land of Experience; -where, in a very moderate time, you'll know the Capacity -of your Soul and your Body both, or I'm mistaken.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[Pg 198]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>Sir <span class="antiqua">John Brute</span>'s House</em>.</h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Lady <span class="antiqua">Brute</span> and <span class="antiqua">Belinda</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Well, Madam, what Answer have you from -'em?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> That they'll be here this Moment. I -fancy 'twill end in a Wedding: I'm sure he's a Fool if -it don't. Ten thousand Pounds, and such a Lass as you -are, is no contemptible Offer to a younger Brother. But -are not you under strange Agitations? Pr'ythee, how -does your Pulse beat?</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> High and low, I have much ado to be valiant: -sure it must feel very strange to go to Bed to a Man?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Um——it does feel a little odd at -first; but it will soon grow easy to you.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Constant</span> and <span class="antiqua">Heartfree</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Good-morrow, Gentlemen: How have -you slept after your Adventure?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Some careful Thoughts, Ladies, on your accounts, -have kept us waking.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> And some careful Thoughts on your own, I believe, -have hindered you from sleeping. Pray how does -this matrimonial Project relish with you?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Why, 'faith, e'en as storming Towns does with -Soldiers, where the Hope of delicious Plunder banishes -the Fear of being knock'd on the Head.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Is it then possible, after all, that you dare think -of downright lawful Wedlock?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Madam, you have made me so fool-hardy, I -dare do any thing.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Then, Sir, I challenge you; and Matrimony's -the Spot where I expect you.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> 'Tis enough; I'll not fail. [<em>Aside.</em>] So, now, -I am in for <em>Hobbes</em>'s Voyage; a great Leap in the Dark.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Well, Gentlemen, this Matter being concluded -then, have you got your Lessons ready? for Sir -<em>John</em> is grown such an Atheist of late, he'll believe nothing -upon easy Terms.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[Pg 199]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> We'll find ways to extend his Faith, Madam. -But pray how do you find him this Morning?</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Most lamentably morose, chewing the Cud -after last Night's Discovery, of which, however, he had -but a confus'd Notion e'en now. But I'm afraid the Valet -de Chambre has told him all; for they are very busy -together at this Moment. When I told him of <em>Belinda</em>'s -Marriage, I had no other Answer but a Grunt: From -which, you may draw what Conclusions you think fit. -But to your Notes, Gentlemen, he's here.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Sir <span class="antiqua">John</span> and <span class="antiqua">Rasor</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Good-morrow, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Good-morrow, Sir <em>John</em>; I'm very sorry my -Indiscretion shou'd cause so much Disorder in your Family.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Disorders generally come from Indiscretion, -Sir; 'tis no strange thing at all.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> I hope, my Dear, you are satisfied there -was no wrong intended you.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> None, my Dove.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> If not, I hope my Consent to marry Mr. <em>Heartfree</em> -will convince you. For as little as I know of Amours, -Sir, I can assure you, one Intrigue is enough to -bring four People together, without further Mischief.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> And I know too, that Intrigues tend to Procreation -of more kinds than one. One Intrigue will beget -another, as soon as beget a Son or a Daughter.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> I am very sorry, Sir, to see you still seem unsatisfy'd -with a Lady, whose more than common Virtue, -I am sure were she my Wife, shou'd meet a better Usage.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sir, if her Conduct has put a Trick upon -her Virtue, her Virtue's the Bubble, but her Husband's -the Loser.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Sir, you have receiv'd a sufficient Answer already, -to justify both her Conduct and mine. You'll -pardon me for meddling in your Family-affairs; but I -perceive I am the Man you are jealous of, and therefore -it concerns me.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[Pg 200]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Wou'd it did not concern me, and then I -shou'd not care who it concern'd.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Well, Sir, if Truth and Reason won't content -you, I know but one way more, which, if you think fit, -you may take.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Lord, Sir, you are very hasty! If I had been -found at Prayers in your Wife's Closet, I should have allow'd -you twice as much time to come to yourself in.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Nay, Sir, if Time be all you want, we have -no Quarrel.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> I told you how the Sword wou'd work upon -him.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Sir <span class="antiqua">John</span> muses.</em></p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Let him muse; however, I'll lay fifty Pound -our Foreman brings us in, Not Guilty.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] 'Tis well——'tis very well——In -spite of that young Jade's matrimonial Intrigue, I am -a downright stinking Cuckold——Here they are——Boo——[<em>Putting -his hand to his Forehead.</em>] Methinks, -I could butt with a Bull. What the Plague did I marry -her for? I knew she did not like me; if she had, she -wou'd have lain with me; for I wou'd have done so, because -I lik'd her; but that's past, and I have her. And -now, what shall I do with her?——If I put my Horns -into my Pocket, she'll grow insolent——if I don't, that -Goat there, that Stallion, is ready to whip me thro' the -Guts.—The Debate then is reduced to this: Shall I die -a Hero, or live a Rascal?——Why, wiser Men than I -have long since concluded, that a living Dog is better -than a dead Lion.——[<em>To <span class="antiqua">Const.</span> and <span class="antiqua">Heart.</span></em>] Gentlemen, -now my Wine and my Passion are governable, I -must own, I have never observ'd any Thing in my Wife's -Course of Life, to back me in my Jealousy of her: But -Jealousy's a Mark of Love; so she need not trouble her -Head about it, as long as I make no more Words on't.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Lady <span class="antiqua">Fancyfull</span> enters disguis'd, and addresses to <span class="antiqua">Belinda</span> -apart.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> I'm glad to see your Reason rule at last. Give me -your Hand: I hope you'll look upon me as you are wont.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Your humble Servant. [<em>Aside.</em>] A wheedling -Son of a Whore!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[Pg 201]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> And that I may be sure you are Friends with -me, too, pray give me your Consent to wed your Niece.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sir, you have it with all my Heart: Damn -me if you han't. [<em>Aside.</em>] 'Tis time to get rid of her: A -young, pert Pimp; she'll make an incomparable Bawd -in a little time.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter a Servant, who gives <span class="antiqua">Heartfree</span> a Letter.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> <em>Heartfree</em> your Husband, say you? 'Tis impossible.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Wou'd to kind Heaven it were! But 'tis -too true; and in the World there lives not such a -Wretch. I'm young; and either I have been flatter'd -by my Friends, as well as Glass, or Nature has been kind -and generous to me. I had a Fortune, too, was greater -far than he could ever hope for; but with my Heart I -am robb'd of all the rest. I am slighted and I'm beggar'd -both at once: I have scarce a bare Subsistence from -the Villain, yet dare complain to none; for he has sworn -if e'er 'tis known I'm his Wife, he'll murder me.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Weeping.</em></p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> The Traitor!</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> I accidentally was told he courted you: -Charity soon prevail'd upon me to prevent your Misery: -And, as you see, I'm still so generous even to him, as -not to suffer he should do a thing for which the Law -might take away his Life.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Weeping.</em></p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Poor Creature! how I pity her!</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>They continue talking aside.</em></p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Death and Damnation!—--Let me -read it again. [Reads.] <em>Tho' I have a particular reason -not to let you know who I am till I see you; yet you'll easily -believe 'tis a faithful Friend that gives you this Advice. -I have lain with <span class="antiqua">Belinda (Good!)</span>—I have a Child by -her <span class="antiqua">(Better and better!)</span> which is now at Nurse; <span class="antiqua">(Heaven -be prais'd)</span> and I think the Foundation laid for another: -<span class="antiqua">(Ha!—Old Truepenny!)</span>—No Rack cou'd have -tortur'd this Story from me; but Friendship has done it. I -heard of your Design to marry her, and cou'd not see you -abus'd. Make use of my Advice, but keep my Secret till I -ask you for't again. Adieu.</em></p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">[Pg 202]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Lady <span class="antiqua">Fancyfull</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Bel</span>.</em>] Come, Madam, shall we send for the -Parson? I doubt here's no Business for the Lawyer: -Younger Brothers have nothing to settle but their -Hearts, and that I believe my Friend here has already -done very faithfully.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> [<em>Scornfully.</em>] Are you sure, Sir, there are no -old Mortgages upon it?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> [<em>Coldly.</em>] If you think there are, Madam, it -mayn't be amiss to defer the Marriage till you are sure -they are paid off.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] How the gall'd Horse kicks!</p> - -<p>[<em>To</em> Heart.] We'll defer it as long as you please, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> The more time we take to consider on't, Madam, -the less apt we shall be to commit Oversights; -therefore, if you please, we will put it off for just nine -Months.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Guilty Consciences make Men Cowards; I don't -wonder you want time to resolve.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> And they make Women desperate; I don't -wonder you are so quickly determin'd.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> What does the Fellow mean?</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> What does the Lady mean?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Zoons, what do you both mean?</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em><span class="antiqua">Heart.</span> and <span class="antiqua">Bel.</span> walk chasing about.</em></p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Here is so much Sport going to be -spoil'd, it makes me ready to weep again. A Pox o' this -impertinent Lady <em>Fancyfull</em>, and her Plots, and her <em>French-woman</em> -too; she's a whimsical, ill-natur'd Bitch, and -when I have got my Bones broke in her Service, 'tis ten -to one but my Recompence is a Clap; I hear them tittering -without still. I'cod, I'll e'en go lug them both in -by the Ears, and discover the Plot, to secure my Pardon.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Rasor</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> Pr'ythee, explain, <em>Heartfree</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> A fair Deliverance; thank my Stars and my -Friend.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> 'Tis well it went no farther; a base Fellow!</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> What can be the meaning of all this?</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> What's his Meaning, I don't know; but mine is, -that if I had married him——I had had no Husband.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">[Pg 203]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> And what's her Meaning I don't know; but -mine is, that if I had married her—I had had Wife enough.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Your People of Wit have got such cramp -ways of expressing themselves, they seldom comprehend -one another. Pox take you both, will you speak that -you may be understood!</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Rasor</span> in Sackcloth, pulling in <span class="antiqua">Lady Fancyfull</span> -and <span class="antiqua">Madamoiselle</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> If they won't, here comes an Interpreter.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Heavens! what have we here?</p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> A Villain——but a repenting Villain. Stuff -which Saints in all Ages have been made of.</p> - -<p><em>All.</em> Rasor!</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> What means this sudden Metamorphose?</p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> Nothing, without my Pardon.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> What Pardon do you want?</p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> <em>Imprimis</em>, Your Ladyship's; for a damnable -Lie made upon your spotless Virtue, and set to the Tune -of <em>Spring-Garden</em>. [<em>To Sir <span class="antiqua">John</span>.</em>] Next, at my generous -Master's Feet I bend, for interrupting his more noble -Thoughts with Phantoms of disgraceful Cuckoldom. [<em>To -<span class="antiqua">Const</span>.</em>] Thirdly, I to this Gentleman apply, for making -him the Hero of my Romance. [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Heart</span>.</em>] Fourthly, -your Pardon, noble Sir, I ask, for clandestinely marrying -you, without either bidding of Banns, Bishop's Licence, -Friends Consent——or your own Knowledge. [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Bel</span>.</em>] -And, lastly, to my good young Lady's Clemency I -come, for pretending the Corn was sow'd in the Ground, -before ever the Plough had been in the Field.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] So that, after all, 'tis a moot point, -whether I am a Cuckold or not.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Well, Sir, upon Condition you confess all, I'll -pardon you myself, and try to obtain as much from the -rest of the Company. But I must know, then, who 'tis -has put you upon all this Mischief?</p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> Satan, and his Equipage; Woman tempted me, -Lust weakened me——and so the Devil over-came me; -as fell <em>Adam</em>, so fell I.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Then pray, Mr. <em>Adam</em>, will you make us acquainted -with your <em>Eve</em>?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">[Pg 204]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Madam</span>.</em>] Unmask, for the Honour of <em>France</em>.</p> - -<p><em>All.</em> Madamoiselle!</p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> Me ask ten tousand Pardon of all de good -Company.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Why, this Mystery thickens, instead of clearing -up. [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Rasor</span>.</em>] You Son of a Whore, you, put us -out of our Pain.</p> - -<p><em>Rasor.</em> One Moment brings Sunshine. [<em>Shewing <span class="antiqua">Madam</span>.</em>] -'Tis true, this is the Woman that tempted me, -but this is the Serpent that tempted the Woman; and if -my Prayers might be heard, her Punishment for so doing -shou'd be like the Serpent's of old—[<em>Pulls off Lady -<span class="antiqua">Fancyfull</span>'s Mask.</em>] She should lie upon her Face all the -Days of her Life.</p> - -<p><em>All.</em> Lady <em>Fancyfull</em>!</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Impertinent!</p> - -<p><em>Lady Brute.</em> Ridiculous!</p> - -<p><em>All.</em> Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> I hope your Ladyship will give me leave to wish -you Joy, since you have own'd your Marriage yourself—[<em>To -<span class="antiqua">Heart</span>.</em>] I vow 'twas strangely wicked in you to -think of another Wife, when you had one already so -charming as her Ladyship.</p> - -<p><em>All.</em> Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Confusion seize 'em, as it seizes me!</p> - -<p>Madam. <em>Que le Diable e toute ce Mauraut de <span class="antiqua">Rasor</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Your Ladyship seems disorder'd: A breeding -Qualm, perhaps, Mr. <em>Heartfree</em>: Your Bottle of Hungary -Water to your Lady. Why, Madam, he stands as -unconcern'd, as if he were your Husband in earnest.</p> - -<p><em>Lady Fan.</em> Your Mirth's as nauseous as yourself. <em>Belinda</em>, -you think you triumph over a Rival now: <em>Helas! -ma pauvre fille.</em> Where'er I'm Rival, there's no Cause -for Mirth. No, my poor Wretch, 'tis from another Principle -I have acted. I knew that Thing there wou'd make -so perverse a Husband, and you so impertinent a Wife, -that left your mutual Plagues should make you both run -mad, I charitably would have broke the Match. He! -he! he! he! he!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">[Pg 205]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit, laughing affectedly, <span class="antiqua">Madamoiselle</span> following her.</em></p> - -<p><em>Madam.</em> He! he! he! he! he!</p> - -<p><em>All.</em> Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Why, now, this Woman will be -married to somebody, too.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Poor Creature! what a Passion she's in! But I -forgive her.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Since you have so much Goodness for her, I -hope you'll pardon my Offence, too, Madam.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> There will be no great Difficulty in that, since -I am guilty of an equal Fault.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Then Pardons being past on all sides, pray -let's to Church to conclude the Day's Work.</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> But before you go, let me treat you, pray, with -a Song a new-married Lady made within this Week; -it may be of use to you both.</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i10">SONG.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i18">I.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em><span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">W</span>hen</span> yielding first to <span class="antiqua">Damon's</span> Flame,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>I sunk into his Arms;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He swore he'd ever be the same,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Then rifled all my Charms.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But fond of what he'd long desir'd,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Too greedy of his Prey,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>My Shepherd's Flame, alas! expir'd</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Before the Verge of Day.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i18">II.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>My Innocence in Lovers Wars</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Reproach'd his quick Defeat;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Confus'd, asham'd, and bath'd in Tears,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>I mourn'd his cold Retreat.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>At length, Ah Shepherdess! cry'd he,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Wou'd you my Fire renew,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Alas, you must retreat like me,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>I'm lost if you pursue.</em><br /></span> -</div></div> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">[Pg 206]</a></span></p> -<p><em>Heart.</em> So, Madam; now had the Parson but done his -Business——</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> You'd be half weary of your Bargain.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> No, sure, I might dispense with one Night's -Lodging.</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> I'm ready to try, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Heart.</em> Then let's to Church: -And if it be our Chance to disagree——</p> - -<p><em>Bel.</em> Take heed—the surly Husband's Fate you see.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt omnes.</em></p> -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/wingding-220.jpg" width="700" height="629" alt="" /> -</div> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">[Pg 207]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-221.jpg" width="700" height="71" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="EPILOGUE3" id="EPILOGUE3">EPILOGUE,</a></h3> - - -<p class="directcenter">By Another Hand.</p> - -<p class="directcenter">Spoken by Lady <span class="smcap">Brute</span> and <span class="smcap">Belinda</span>. -</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Lady Brute. <em><span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">N</span>o</span> Epilogue</em>!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Belinda.</em> <em>I swear I know of none.</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i10"><em>Lord! How shall we excuse it to the Town?</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Bel.</em> <em>Why, we must e'en say something of our own.</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Lady Brute. <em>Our own! Ay, that must needs be precious stuff.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Bel.</em> <em>I'll lay my Life, they'll like it well enough.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i10"><em>Come, faith, begin——</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Lady Brute. <em>Excuse me, after you.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Bel.</em> <em>Nay, pardon me for that, I know my Cue.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Lady Brute. <em>O for the World, I would not have Precedence.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Bel.</em> <em>O Lord!</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Lady Brute. <em>I swear——</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Bel.</em> <em>O fye!</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Lady Brute. <em>I'm all Obedience.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i12"><em>First then, know all, before our Doom is fixt,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i12"><em>The Third Day is for us——</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Bel.</em> <em>Nay, and the Sixth.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Lady Brute. <em>We speak not from the Poet now, nor is it</em><br /></span> -<span class="i12"><em>His Cause—(I want a Rhyme)</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Bel.</em> <em>That we sollicit.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Lady Brute. <em>Then sure you cannot have the Hearts to be severe</em><br /></span> -<span class="i12"><em>And damn us——</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Bel.</em> <em>Damn us! Let 'em if they dare.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Lady Brute. <em>Why, if they should, what Punishment remains?</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Bel.</em> <em>Eternal Exile from behind our Scenes.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Lady Brute. <em>But if they're kind, that Sentence we'll recal.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i12"><em>We can be grateful——</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Bel.</em> <em>And have wherewithal.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Lady Brute. <em>But at Grand <span class="antiqua">Treaties</span> hope not to be trusted,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i12"><em>Before <span class="antiqua">Preliminaries</span> are adjusted.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Bel.</em> <em>You know the Time, and we appoint the Place;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i12"><em>Where, if you please, we'll meet and sign the Peace.</em><br /></span> -</div></div> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[Pg 208]</a></span></p> -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-222.jpg" width="700" height="80" alt="" /> -</div> - -<div class="hangindent"> - -<p>Upon the revival of this Play in 1725, Sir -<em>John Vanbrugh</em> thought proper to write the -two following Scenes, in the room of those -printed Page 166,-168, 173, <em>&c. &c.</em></p></div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="ACT_IV" id="ACT_IV"><em class="gesperrt">ACT</em> IV.</a></h3> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>Covent-Garden</em>.</h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Lord <span class="antiqua">Rake</span>, Sir <span class="antiqua">John</span>, &c. with Swords drawn.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lord Rake.</em> <span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">I</span>s</span> the Dog dead?</p> - -<p><em>Col. Bully.</em> No, damn him, I heard him -wheeze.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Rake.</em> How the Witch his Wife howl'd?</p> - -<p><em>Col. Bully.</em> Aye, she'll alarm the Watch presently.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Rake.</em> Appear, Knight, then: Come, you have -a good Cause to fight for, there's a Man murder'd.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Is there? Then let his Ghost be satisfy'd: -for I'll sacrifice a Constable to it presently, and burn -his Body upon his wooden Chair.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter a Taylor, with a Bundle under his Arm.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Col. Bully.</em> How now! what have we got here? A -Thief?</p> - -<p><em>Taylor.</em> No an't please you, I'm no Thief.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Rake.</em> That we'll see presently: Here! let the -General examine him.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Ay, ay, let me examine him; and I'll lay -a hundred Pound I find him guilty in spite of his Teeth——for -he looks—like a——sneaking Rascal. Come, -Sirrah, without Equivocation or mental Reservation,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">[Pg 209]</a></span> -tell me of what Opinion you are, and what Calling; -for by them——I shall guess at your Morals.</p> - -<p><em>Taylor.</em> An't please you, I'm a Dissenting Journeyman -Woman's Taylor.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Then, Sirrah, you love Lying by your -Religion, and Theft by your Trade: And so, that your -Punishment may be suitable to your Crimes——I'll -have you first gagg'd——and then hang'd.</p> - -<p><em>Tayl.</em> Pray, good worthy Gentlemen, don't abuse -me: Indeed I'm an honest Man, and a good Workman, -tho' I say it, that shou'd not say it.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> No Words, Sirrah, but attend your Fate.</p> - -<p><em>Lord Rake.</em> Let me see what's in that Bundle.</p> - -<p><em>Tayl.</em> An't please you, it's my Lady's short Cloak and -Sack.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> What Lady, you Reptile, you?</p> - -<p><em>Tayl.</em> My Lady <em>Brute</em>, an't please your Honour.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> My Lady <em>Brute</em>! my Wife! the Robe of -my Wife—with Reverence let me approach it. The -dear Angel is always taking Care of me in Danger, and -has sent me this Suit of Armour to protect me in this -Day of Battle; on they go.</p> - -<p><em>All.</em> O brave Knight!</p> - -<p><em>Lord Rake.</em> Live <em>Don Quixote</em> the Second!</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> <em>Sancho</em>, my 'Squire, help me on with my -Armour.</p> - -<p><em>Tayl.</em> O dear Gentlemen! I shall be quite undone if -you take the Sack.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Retire, Sirrah! and since you carry off your -Skin, go home and be happy.</p> - -<p><em>Tayl.</em> I think I'd e'en as good follow the Gentleman's -Advice, for if I dispute any longer, who knows but the -whim may take 'em to case me—These Courtiers are -fuller of Tricks than they are of Money: they'll sooner -break a Man's Bones, than pay his Bill.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Tayl</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> So! how d'ye like my shapes now?</p> - -<p><em>Lord Rake.</em> To a Miracle! He looks like a Queen -of the <em>Amazons</em>—But to your Arms! Gentlemen! The -Enemy's upon their March—here's the Watch—</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> 'Oons! if it were <em>Alexander</em> the Great, at<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">[Pg 210]</a></span> -the Head of his Army, I would drive him into a Horse-Pond.</p> - -<p><em>All.</em> Huzza! O brave Knight!</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Watchmen.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> See! Here he comes, with all his <em>Greeks</em> -about him—Follow me, Boys.</p> - -<p><em>Watch.</em> Hey-dey! Who have we got here?—Stand.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> May-hap not!</p> - -<p><em>Watch.</em> What are you all doing here in the Streets at -this time o'night? And who are you, Madam, that seem -to be at the Head of this noble Crew?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sirrah, I am <em>Bonduca</em>, Queen of the -<em>Welchmen</em>; and with a Leek as long as my Pedigree, -I will destroy your <em>Roman</em> Legion in an Instant—<em>Britons</em>, -strike home.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>They fight off. <span class="antiqua">Watch.</span> return with Sir <span class="antiqua">John</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Watch.</em> So! We have got the Queen, however! -We'll make her pay well for her Ransom—Come, Madam, -will your Majesty please to walk before the Constable?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> The Constable's a Rascal! And you are -a Son of a Whore!</p> - -<p><em>Watch.</em> A most noble Reply, truly! If this be her -royal Style, I'll warrant her Maids of Honour prattle -prettily: But we'll teach you some of our Court Dialect -before we part with you, Princess—Away with her to -the Round-house.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Hands off, you Ruffians! My Honour's dearer -to me than my Life; I hope you won't be uncivil.</p> - -<p><em>Watch.</em> Away with her.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>A Street</em>.</h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Constable and Watchmen, with Sir <span class="antiqua">John</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Constab.</em> Come, forsooth, come along, if you please! -I once in Compassion thought to have seen -you safe home this Morning: But you have been so ram<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">[Pg 211]</a></span>pant -and abusive all Night, I shall see what the Justice -of Peace will say to you.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> And you shall see what I'll say to the Justice -of Peace.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em><span class="antiqua">Watchman</span> knocks at the Door.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Servant.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Constab.</em> Is Mr. Justice at home?</p> - -<p><em>Serv.</em> Yes.</p> - -<p><em>Constab.</em> Pray acquaint his Worship we have got an -unruly Woman here, and desire to know what he'll -please to have done with her.</p> - -<p><em>Serv.</em> I'll acquaint my Master.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Serv.</em></p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Hark you, Constable, what cuckoldly Justice -is this?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> One that knows how to deal with such Romps -as you are, I'll warrant you.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Justice.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Well, Mr. Constable, what is the matter there?</p> - -<p><em>Const.</em> An't please your Worship, this here comical -sort of a Gentlewoman has committed great Outrages -to-night. She has been frolicking with my Lord <em>Rake</em> -and his Gang; they attacked the Watch, and I hear -there has been a Man kill'd: I believe 'tis they have -done it.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sir, there may have been Murder, for aught -I know; and 'tis a great Mercy there has not been a -Rape too—that Fellow wou'd have ravish'd me.</p> - -<p><em>2d Watch.</em> Ravish! Ravish! O lud! O lud! O lud! -Ravish her! Why, please your Worship, I heard Mr. -Constable say he believed she was little better than a -Maphrodite.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Why, truly, she does seem a little masculine -about the Mouth.</p> - -<p><em>2d Watch.</em> Yes, and about the Hands too, an't please -your Worship; I did but offer in mere civility to help -her up the Steps into our Apartment, and with her gripen -Fist—ay, just so, Sir.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Sir <span class="antiqua">John</span> knocks him down.</em></p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> I fell'd him to the Ground like an Ox.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Out upon this boisterous Woman! Out upon -her.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">[Pg 212]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Mr. Justice, he wou'd have been uncivil! It -was in Defence of my Honour, and I demand Satisfaction.</p> - -<p><em>2d Watch.</em> I hope your Worship will satisfy her Honour -in Bridewell; that Fist of hers will make an admirable -Hemp-beater.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sir, I hope you will protect me against -that libidinous Rascal; I am a Woman of Quality and -Virtue too, for all I am in an Undress this Morning.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Why, she has really the Air of a Sort of a Woman -a little something out of the common——Madam, -if you expect I shou'd be favourable to you, I desire I -may know who you are.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sir, I am any body, at your Service.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Lady, I desire to know your Name?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sir, my Name's <em>Mary</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Ay, but your Sur-name, Madam?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sir, my Sur-name's the very same with my -Husband's.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> A strange Woman this! Who is your Husband, -pray?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sir <em>John</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Sir <em>John</em> who?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sir <em>John Brute</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Is it possible, Madam, you can be my Lady -<em>Brute</em>?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> That happy Woman, Sir, am I; only a -little in my Merriment to-night.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> I am concern'd for Sir <em>John</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Truly, so am I.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> I have heard he's an honest Gentleman——</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> As ever drank.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Good lack! Indeed, Lady, I'm sorry he has -such a Wife.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> I am sorry he has any Wife at all.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> And so perhaps may he——I doubt you have -not given him a very good Taste of Matrimony.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Taste, Sir! Sir, I have scorn'd to stint him -to a Taste, I have given him a full Meal of it.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Indeed I believe so! But pray, fair Lady, may<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">[Pg 213]</a></span> -he have given you any Occasion for this extraordinary -Conduct?—Does he not use you well?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> A little upon the rough sometimes.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Ay, any Man may be out of Humour now and -then.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sir, I love Peace and Quiet, and when a -Woman don't find that at home, she's apt sometimes to -comfort herself with a few innocent Diversions abroad.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> I doubt he uses you but too well. Pray how -does he as to that weighty thing, Money? Does he allow -you what is proper of that?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sir, I have generally enough to pay the -reckoning, if this Son of a Whore of a Drawer wou'd -but bring his Bill.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> A strange Woman this—Does he spend a reasonable -Portion of his time at home, to the Comfort of -his Wife and Children?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> He never gave his Wife cause to repine at -his being abroad in his Life.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Pray, Madam, how may he be in the grand -matrimonial Point——Is he true to your Bed?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Chaste! Oons! This Fellow asks so many -impertinent Questions! I'gad, I believe it is the Justice's -Wife in the Justice's Clothes.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> 'Tis a great pity he should have been thus disposed -of—Pray, Madam, (and then I've done) what -may be your Ladyship's common Method of Life, if -I may presume so far?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Why, Sir, much that of a Woman of -Quality.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Pray how may you generally pass your time, -Madam? Your Morning, for example.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sir, like a Woman of Quality——I wake -about two o'Clock in the Afternoon——I stretch—and -make a sign for my Chocolate——When I have drank -three Cups—I slide down again upon my Back, with -my Arms over my Head, while my two Maids put on -my Stockings——Then hanging upon their Shoulders, -I am trail'd to my great Chair, where I sit——and yawn——for -my Breakfast——If it don't come presently, I<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">[Pg 214]</a></span> -lie down upon my Couch to say my Prayers, while my -Maid reads me the Play-bills.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Very well, Madam.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> When the Tea is brought in, I drink -twelve regular Dishes, with eight Slices of Bread and -Butter——And half an Hour after, I send to the Cook -to know if the Dinner is almost ready.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> So! Madam!</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> By that time my Head is half drest, I hear -my Husband swearing himself into a State of Perdition, -that the Meat's all cold upon the Table; to amend -which, I come down in an Hour more, and have it -sent back to the Kitchen, to be all drest over again.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Poor Man!</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> When I have din'd, and my idle Servants -are presumptuously set down at their Ease, to do so too, -I call for my Coach, to go visit fifty dear Friends, of -whom I hope I shall never find one at home, while I -shall live.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> So! There's the Morning and Afternoon pretty -well dispos'd of—Pray, Madam, how do you pass your -Evenings?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Like a Woman of Spirit, Sir, a great Spirit. -Give me a Box and Dice—Seven's the main, Oons! Sir, -I set you a hundred Pound! Why, do you think Women -are married now-a-Days, to sit at home and mend -Napkins? Sir, we have nobler ways of passing time.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Mercy upon us, Mr. Constable, what will this -Age come to?</p> - -<p><em>Constab.</em> What will it come to, indeed, if such Women -as these are not set in the Stocks?</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sir, I have a little urgent Business calls upon -me; and therefore I desire the Favour of you to bring -Matters to a Conclusion.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Madam, if I were sure that Business were not to -commit more Disorders, I wou'd release you.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> None——by my virtue.</p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> Then, Mr. Constable, you may discharge her.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Sir, your very humble Servant. If you -please to accept of a Bottle——</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">[Pg 215]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Just.</em> I thank you, kindly, Madam; but I never -drink in a Morning. Good by t'ye.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Good-by-t'ye, good Sir.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Justice.</em></p> - -<p>So——now, Mr. Constable, shall you and I go pick up -a Whore together?</p> - -<p><em>Constab.</em> No, thank you, Madam; my Wife's enough -to satisfy any reasonable Man.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] He, he, he, he, he——the Fool is -married, then. Well, you won't go?</p> - -<p><em>Constab.</em> Not I, truly.</p> - -<p><em>Sir John.</em> Then I'll go by myself; and you and your -Wife may be damn'd.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Sir <span class="antiqua">John</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Constable.</em> <em>gazing after her.</em>] Why, God-a-mercy, Lady.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/wingding-229.jpg" width="700" height="448" alt="" /> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">[Pg 216]</a><br /><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">[Pg 217]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-231.jpg" width="700" height="64" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h2><a name="ESOP4" id="ESOP4"><em>ESOP</em>:</a><br /> - -A<br /> - -COMEDY.</h2> - - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-231.jpg" width="700" height="64" alt="" /> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">[Pg 218]</a><br /><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">[Pg 219]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-233.jpg" width="700" height="74" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="PREFACE4" id="PREFACE4">PREFACE.</a></h3> - - -<p class="drop-capw"><span class="smcap">To</span> speak for a Play, if it cannot speak for -itself, is vain; and if it can, it is needless. -For one of these Reasons (I cannot yet tell which, -for it is now but the second Day of acting) I resolve -to say nothing for <em>Esop</em>, though I know he -would be glad of Help; for let the best happen that -can, his Journey is up Hill, with a dead <em>English</em> -Weight at the Tail of him.</p> - -<p>At <em>Paris</em>, indeed, he scrambled up something faster -(for it was up Hill there, too) than I am afraid he -will do here: The <em>French</em> having more Mercury -in their Heads, and less Beef and Pudding in their -Bellies. Our Solidity may set hard, what their -Folly makes easy; for Fools I own they are, you -know we have found them so in the Conduct of the -War; I wish we may do so in the Management of -the Peace; but that is neither <em>Esop</em>'s Business nor -mine.</p> - -<p>This Play, Gentlemen (or one not much unlike -it), was writ in <em>French</em> about six Years since by one -Monsieur <em>Boursaut</em>; it was play'd at <em>Paris</em> by the -<em>French</em> Comedians, and this was its Fate.</p> - -<p>The first Day it appeared, it was routed (People -seldom being fond of what they do not understand, -their own sweet Persons excepted). The second -(by the help of some bold Knights-Errant) it rallied; -the third it advanced; the fourth it gave a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">[Pg 220]</a></span> -vigorous Attack; and the fifth put all the Feathers -in Town to the scamper, pursuing them on to the -fourteenth, and then they cried out Quarter.</p> - -<p>It is not reasonable to expect <em>Esop</em> should gain so -great a Victory here, since it is possible, by fooling -with his Sword, I may have turned the Edge on't. -For I confess in the Translation I have not at all -stuck to the Original; nay, I have gone farther: I -have wholly added the fifth Act, and crouded a -Country Gentleman into the fourth; for which I -ask Monsieur <em>Boursaut</em>'s Pardon with all my Heart, -but doubt I never shall obtain it for bringing him -into such Company. Though, after all, had I been -so complaisant to have waited on his Play Word -for Word, it is possible, even that might not have -ensured the Success of it; for though it swam in -<em>France</em>, it might have sunk in <em>England</em>. Their -Country abounds in Cork, ours in Lead.</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/wingding-234.jpg" width="700" height="640" alt="" /> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">[Pg 221]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-235.jpg" width="700" height="69" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="PROLOGUE4" id="PROLOGUE4">PROLOGUE.</a></h3> - - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em><span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">G</span>allants</span>, we never yet produc'd a Play</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>With greater Fears than this we act to-day;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Barren of all the Graces of the Stage,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Barren of all that entertains this Age.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>No Hero, no Romance, no Plot, no Shew,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>No Rape, no Bawdy, no Intrigue, no Beau:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>There's nothing in't with which we use to please ye;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>With downright dull Instruction w'are to tease ye;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The Stage turns Pulpit, and the World's so fickle,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The Play-House in a Whim turns Conventicle.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But Preaching here must prove a hungry Trade;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The Patentees will find so, I'm afraid:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>For tho' with heavenly Zeal you all abound,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>As by your Lives and Morals may be found;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Tho' every Female here o'erflows with Grace,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And chaste <span class="antiqua">Diana</span>'s written in her Face;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Tho' Maids renounce the Sweets of Fornication,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And one lewd Wife's not left in all the Nation;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Tho' Men grow true, and the foul Fiend defy;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Tho' Tradesmen cheat no more, nor Lawyers lye;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Tho' not one Spot be found on <span class="antiqua">Levi</span>'s Tribe,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Nor one soft Courtier that will touch a Bribe;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Yet in the midst of such religious Days,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Sermons have never borne the Price of Plays.</em><br /></span> -</div></div> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">[Pg 222]</a></span></p> -<div class="chapter"></div> -<hr class="chap" /> - - - - -<h3><a name="Dramatis_Personae4" id="Dramatis_Personae4">Dramatis Personæ.</a></h3> - - -<div class="center"> -<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Dramatis Personæ"> - <tr> - <th colspan="2">MEN.</th> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Esop</em>,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Cibber</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Learchus</em>, Governor of <em>Sysicus</em>,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Dogget</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Oronces</em>, in love with <em>Euphronia</em>,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Harland</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <th colspan="2">WOMEN.</th> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Euphronia</em>, Daughter to <em>Learchus</em>, in love with <em>Oronces</em>,</td> - <td>Mrs. <em>Temple</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Doris</em>, her Nurse,</td> - <td>Mrs. <em>Verbruggen</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td colspan="2" class="tdc">People who come to <em>Esop</em>, upon several Occasions, - independent one of another.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td rowspan="2" class="br">Two Country Tradesmen, </td> - <td>Mr. <em>Pinkethman</em> and</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>Mr. <em>Smeton</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Roger</em>, a Country Bumpkin,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Haynes</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Quaint</em>, a Herald,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Pinkethman</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Fruitful</em>, an Inn-keeper,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Smeton</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>A Country Gentleman,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Pinkethman</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>A Priest, Musicians, &c.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Hortensia</em>, an affected learned Lady,</td> - <td>Mrs. <em>Kent</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Aminta</em>, a lewd Mother,</td> - <td>Mrs. <em>Willis</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Forge-Will</em>, a Scrivener's Widow,</td> - <td>Mrs. <em>Finch</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><em>Fruitful</em>, Wife to the Inn-keeper,</td> - <td>Mrs. <em>Powell</em>.</td> - </tr> -</table></div> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">[Pg 223]</a></span> -<img src="images/bar-237a.jpg" width="700" height="76" alt="" /> -</div> - -<p class="ph2"><em>ESOP.</em> -</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-237b.jpg" width="700" height="37" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="ACT_I_SCENE_I4" id="ACT_I_SCENE_I4"><em class="gesperrt">ACT</em> I. <em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em> I.</a></h3> - -<p class="directcenter"><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, Learchus's <em>House</em>. -</p> - - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Learchus</span>, <span class="antiqua">Euphronia</span>, and <span class="antiqua">Doris</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> <span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">A</span>t</span> length I am blest with the sight of the -World's Wonder, the Delight of Mankind, -the incomparable <em>Esop</em>. You had time to observe him -last Night, Daughter, as he sat at Supper with me. -Tell me how you like him, Child; is he not a charming -Person?</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Charming!</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> What say'st thou to him, <em>Doris</em>? Thou art a -good Judge, a Wench of a nice Palate.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> You wou'd not have me flatter, Sir?</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> No, speak thy Thoughts boldly.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Boldly, you say?</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Boldly, I say.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Why, then, Sir, my Opinion of the Gentleman -is, that he's uglier than an old Beau.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> How! Impudence.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Nay, if you are angry, Sir, second Thoughts are<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">[Pg 224]</a></span> -best; he's as proper as a Pikeman, holds up his Head -like a Dancing-Master, has the Shape of a Barb, the -Face of an Angel, the Voice of a Cherubim, the Smell -of a Civet-Cat——</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> In short, thou art Fool enough not to be pleas'd -with him.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Excuse me for that, Sir; I have Wit enough to -make myself merry with him——</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> If his Body's deform'd, his Soul is beautiful: -Would to kind Heaven, as he is, my Daughter cou'd -but find the means to please him!</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> To what End, dear Father?</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> That he might be your Husband, dear Daughter.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> My Husband! Shield me, kind Heaven——</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Psha! he has a mind to make us laugh, that's -all.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> <em>Esop</em>, then, is not worth her Care, in thy Opinion?</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Why, truly, Sir, I'm always for making suitable -Matches, and don't much approve of breeding Monsters. -I wou'd have nothing marry a Baboon, but what has -been got by a Monkey.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> How dar'st thou liken so incomparable a Man -to so contemptible a Beast?</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em>. Ah, the Inconstancy of this World! Out of -sight, out f Mind. Your little Monkey is scarce cold -in his Grave, and you have already forgot what you -us'd so much to admire: Do but call him to remembrance, -Sir, in his red Coat, new Gloves, little Hat, -and clean Linen; then discharge your Conscience, utter -the Truth from your Heart, and tell us whether he was -not the prettier Gentleman of the two—By my Virginity, -Sir, (tho' that's but a slippery Oath, you'll say) -had they made love to me together, <em>Esop</em> should have -worn the Willow.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Since nothing but an Animal will please thee, -'tis pity my Monkey had not that Virginity thou hast -sworn by. But I, whom Wisdom charms even in the -homeliest Dress, can never think the much-deserving -<em>Esop</em> unworthy of my Daughter.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">[Pg 225]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Now, in the Name of Wonder, what is't you -so admire in him?</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Lear.</em> Hark, and thou shalt know; but you, <em>Euphronia</em>,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Be you more especially attentive.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">'Tis true he's plain; but that's, my Girl, a Trifle.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">All manly Beauty's seated in the Soul;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And that of <em>Esop</em>, Envy's self must own,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Outshines whate'er the World has yet produc'd.<br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Crœsus</em>, the prosperous Favourite of Heaven;<br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Crœsus</em>, the happiest Potentate on Earth;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Whose Treasure (tho' immense) is the least Part<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of what he holds from Providence's Care,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Leans on his Shoulder as his grand Support,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Admires his Wisdom, doats upon his Truth,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And makes him Pilot to Imperial Sway.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But in this elevated Post of Power,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">What's his Employ? Where does he point his Thoughts?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To live in Splendour, Luxury, and Ease,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Do endless Mischiefs, by neglecting Good,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And build his Family on other's Ruins?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">No:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He serves the Prince, and serves the People too;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Is useful to the Rich, and helps the Poor;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">There's nothing stands neglected, but himself.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">With constant Pain, and yet with constant Joy,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">From Place to Place throughout the Realm he goes,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">With useful Lessons, form'd to every Rank:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The People learn Obedience from his Tongue,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The Magistrate is guided in Command,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The Prince is minded of a Father's Care,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The Subjects taught the Duty of a Child.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And as 'tis dangerous to be bold with Truth,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He often calls for Fable to his Aid,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Where, under abject Names of Beasts and Birds,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Virtue shines out, and Vice is cloath'd in Shame.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And thus, by inoffensive Wisdom's Force,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He conquers Folly wheresoe'er he moves:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">This is his Portrait.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> A very good Picture of a very ill Face!</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Well, Daughter; what, not a Word? Is it pos<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">[Pg 226]</a></span>sible -any thing that I am Father of can be untouch'd -with so much Merit?</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> My Duty may make all things possible: But -<em>Esop</em> is so ugly, Sir—</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> His Soul has so much Beauty in't, your Reason -ought to blind your Eyes: Besides, my Interest is concern'd; -his Power alarms me. I know throughout the -Kingdom he's the Scourge of evil Magistrates, turns out -Governors when they turn Tyrants; breaks Officers for -false Musters; excludes Judges from giving Sentence, -when they have been absent during the Trial; hangs -Lawyers when they take Fees on both Sides; forbids -Physicians to take Money of those they don't cure. 'Tis -true, my Innocence ought to banish my Fears: But my -Government, Child, is too delicious a Morsel, not to set -many a frail Mouth a-watering. Who knows what Accusations -Envy may produce? But all wou'd be secure, -if thou could'st touch the Heart of <em>Esop</em>. Let me blow -up thy Ambition, Girl; the Fire of that will make thy -Eyes sparkle at him. [<em>She sighs.</em>]——What's that Sigh -for, now? Ha! A young Husband, by my Conscience: -Ah Daughter, hadst thou a young Husband, he'd make -thee sigh indeed. I'll tell thee what he's compos'd of. -He has a Wig full of Pulvilio, a Pocket full of Dice, a -Heart full of Treason, a Mouth full of Lyes, a Belly -full of Drink, a Carcase full of Plaisters, a Tail full of -Pox, and a Head full of——nothing. There's his -Picture: wear it at thy Heart, if thou can'st but here -comes one of greater Worth.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Esop</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Good Morning to my noble Lord; your Excellency——</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Softly, good Governor: I'm a poor Wanderer -from Place to Place; too weak to train the Weight of -Grandeur with me! The Name of Excellency's not for -me.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> My noble Lord, 'tis due to your Imploy; your -Predecessors all——</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> My Predecessors all deserv'd it, Sir; they were<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">[Pg 227]</a></span> -great Men in Wisdom, Birth and Service; whilst I, a -poor, unknown, decrepid Wretch, mounted aloft for Fortune's -Pastime, expect each Moment to conclude the -Farce, by sinking to the Mud from whence I sprung.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Great <em>Crœsus</em>'s Gratitude will still support you; -his Coffers all are open to your Will, your future Fortune's -wholly in your Power.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> But 'tis a Power that I shall ne'er employ.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Why so, my Lord?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> I'll tell you, Sir.</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>A hungry Goat, who had not eat</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Some Nights and Days——(for want of Meat)</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Was kindly brought at last,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>By Providence's Care,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To better Cheer,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>After a more than penitential Fast.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>He found a Barn well stor'd with Grain:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To enter in requir'd some Pain;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But a delicious Bait</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Makes the Way easy, tho' the Pass is strait.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Our Guest observing various Meats,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He put on a good modish Face,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He takes his Place,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He ne'er says Grace,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>But where he likes, he there falls to and eats.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>At length, with jaded Teeth and Jaws,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He made a Pause;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And finding still some room,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Fell to as he had done before,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>For time to come laid in his Store;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And when his Guts cou'd hold no more,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>He thought of going home.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>But here he met the Glutton's Curse;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He found his Belly grown so great,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>'Twas vain to think of a Retreat,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Till he had render'd all he had eat,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>And well he far'd no worse.</em><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p>To the Application, Governor.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> 'Tis easy to be made, my Lord.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> I'm glad on't, Truth can never be too clear.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">[Pg 228]</a></span> -[<em>Seeing <span class="antiqua">Euph</span>.</em>] Is this young Damsel your fair Daughter, -Sir?</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> 'Tis my Daughter, my good Lord: Fair too, -if she appears such in the Eyes of the unerring <em>Esop</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> [<em>Going up to salute her.</em>] I never saw so beautiful -a Creature.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Now's the time; kiss soft, Girl, and -fire him.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> [<em>Gazing at her.</em>] How partial's Nature 'twixt -her Form and mine!</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Look, look, look, how he gazes at her!—--<em>Cupid</em>'s -hard at work, I see that already. Slap; -there he hits him—if the Wench would but do her Part. -But see, see, how the perverse young Baggage stands -biting her Thumbs, and won't give him one kind Glance——Ah -the sullen Jade! Had it been a handsome -strong Dog, of five-and-twenty, she'd a fall'n a coquetting -on't, with every Inch about her. But may -be 'tis I that spoils Sport; I'll make a Pretence to leave -them together. Will your Lordship please to drink any -Coffee this Morning?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> With all my Heart, Governor.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Your Lordship will give me leave to go and order -it myself; for unless I am by, 'tis never perfect.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Provided you leave me this fair Maid in Hostage -for your Return, I consent.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> My good Lord does my Daughter too much -Honour. Ah that the Wench wou'd but do her Part! -[<em>Aside going off.</em>]——Hark, you, Hussy——[<em>Turning -back to <span class="antiqua">Euphronia</span>, aside.</em>]——You can give yourself -Airs sometimes, you know you can. Do you remember -what work you made with yourself at Church t'other -Day? Play your Tricks over again, once more, for my -Pleasure, and let me have a good Account of this -Statesman, or, d'ye hear?——You shall die a Maid; go -chew upon that; go.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Lear</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Here I am left, fair Damsel, too much expos'd -to your Charms, not to fall your Victim.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Your Fall will then be due to your own Weak<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">[Pg 229]</a></span>ness, -Sir; for, Heaven's my Witness, I neither endeavour -nor wish to wound you.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> I understand you, Lady; your Heart's already -dispos'd of; 'tis seldom otherways, at your Age.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> My Heart dispos'd of!</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Nay, never mince the Matter, Madam. The -Gentleman looks like a civil Gentleman, e'en confess -the Truth to him: He has a good Interest with your -Father, and no Doubt will employ it to break the -Heathenish Match he proposes to you. [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Esop</span>.</em>] Yes, -Sir, my young Lady has been in love these two Years, -and that with as pretty a Fellow as ever entered a Virgin's -Heart; tall, strait, young, vigorous, good Clothes, -long Perriwig, clean Linen; in brief, he has every thing -that's necessary to set a young Lady a-longing, and to -stay it when he has done: but her Father, whose Ambition -makes him turn Fool in his old Age, comes with -a back Stroke upon us, and spoils all our Sport. Wou'd -you believe it, Sir? He has propos'd to her to-day the -most confounded ugly Fellow! Look, if the very -Thoughts of him don't set the poor Thing a-crying! -And you, Sir, have so much Power with the old Gentleman, -that one Word from you would set us all right -again. If he will have her a Wife, in the Name of <em>Venus</em>, -let him provide her a handsome Husband, and not -throw her into the Paws of a Thing, that Nature, in a -merry Humour, has made half Man, half Monkey.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Pray, what's this Monster's Name, Lady?</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> No matter for his Name, Sir; my Father will -know what you mean, at first Word.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> But you shou'd not always chuse by the Outside -alone: believe me, fair Damsel, a fine Perriwig keeps -many a Fool's Head from the Weather: Have a Care -of your young Gallant.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> There's no Danger, I have examin'd him; his -Inside's as good as his out! I say, he has Wit, and I -think I know.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Nay, she says true; he's even a Miracle of -Wit and Beauty: Did you but see him, you'd be yourself -my Rival.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">[Pg 230]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Then you are resolv'd against the Monster?</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Fy, Sir, fy; I wonder you'll put her in Mind -of that foul, frightful Thing: We shall have her dream -of nothing all Night but Bats and Owls, and Toads and -Hedge-hogs; and then we shall have such a squeaking -and squalling with her, the whole House will be in an -Uproar: Therefore, pray, Sir, name him no more, but -use your Interest with her Father, that she may never -hear of him again.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> But if I shou'd be so generous to save you from -the old Gallant, what shall I say for your young one?</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> O, Sir, you may venture to enlarge upon his -Perfections; you need not fear saying too much in his -Praise.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> And pray, Sir, be as copious upon the Defects -of t'other; you need not fear out-running the Text -there, neither, say the worst you can.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> You may say, the first is the most graceful -Man that <em>Asia</em> ever brought forth.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> And you may say the latter is the most deform'd -Monster that Copulation ever produc'd.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Tell him that <em>Oronces</em> (for that is his dear -Name) has all the Virtues that compose a perfect Hero.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> And tell him, that <em>Pigmy</em> has all the Vices that -go to equip an Attorney.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> That to one I cou'd be true to the last Moment -of my Life.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> That for t'other, she'd cuckold him the very -Day of her Marriage. This, Sir, in few Words, is -the Theme you are desir'd to preach upon.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> I never yet had one that furnish'd me with -more Matter.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Servant.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Ser.</em> My Lord, there's a Lady below desires to speak -with your Honour.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> What Lady?</p> - -<p><em>Ser.</em> 'Tis my Lady—my Lady—[<em>To <span class="antiqua">Doris</span>.</em>] The Lady -there, the wise-Lady, the great Scholar, that Nobody -can understand.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">[Pg 231]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> O ho, is it she? Pray let's withdraw, and -oblige her, Madam; she's ready to swoon at the insipid -Sight of one of her own Sex.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> You'll excuse us, Sir; we leave you to wiser -Company.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt <span class="antiqua">Euph</span>. and <span class="antiqua">Dor</span>.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Hortensia</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Hort.</em> The Deess, who from <em>Atropos</em>'s Breast preserves -the Names of Heroes and their Actions, proclaims your -Fame throughout this mighty Orb, and——</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Shield me, my Stars! What have you -sent me here? For Pity's Sake, good Lady, be more -humane: My Capacity is too heavy, to mount to your -Style: If you wou'd have me know what you mean, -please to come down to my Understanding.</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Hort.</em> I've something in my Nature soars too high<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For vulgar Flight, I own;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But <em>Esop</em>'s Sphere must needs be within Call;<br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Esop</em> and I may sure converse together:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I know he's modest, but I likewise know<br /></span> -<span class="i0">His Intellects are categorical.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Now, by my Faith, Lady, I don't know what -<em>Intellect</em> is; and methinks, <em>categorical</em> sounds as if you -call'd me Names. Pray, speak that you may be understood: -Language was design'd for it; indeed it was.</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Hort.</em> Of vulgar Things in vulgar Phrase we talk;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But when of <em>Esop</em> we must speak,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The Theme's too lofty for an humble Style:<br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Esop</em> is sure no common Character.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> No, truly; I am something particular. Yet if -I am not mistaken, what I have extraordinary about -me, may be describ'd in very homely Language. Here -was a young Gentlewoman but just now pencil'd me -out to a Hair, I thought; and yet, I vow to God, the -learned'st Word I heard her make use of, was Monster.</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Hort.</em> That was a Woman, Sir, a very Woman;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Her Cogitations all were on the outward Man:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But I strike deeper; 'tis the Mind I view.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The Soul's the worthy Object of my Care;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The Soul, that Sample of Divinity, that glorious<br /></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">[Pg 232]</a></span> -<span class="i0">Ray of heavenly Light. The Soul, that awful<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Throne of Thought, that sacred Seat of Contemplation.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The Soul, that noble Source of Wisdom,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That Fountain of Comfort,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That Spring of Joy, that happy Token of eternal<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Life. The Soul, that——<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Pray, Lady, are you married?</p> - -<p><em>Hort.</em> Why that Question, Sir?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Only that I might wait upon your Husband, to -wish him Joy.</p> - -<p><em>Hort.</em> When People of my Composition would marry, -they first find something of their own Species to join -with; I never could resolve to take a Thing of common -Fabric to my Bed, lest, when his brutish Inclinations -prompt him, he shou'd make me Mother to a Form like -his own.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Methinks, a Lady so extremely nice should be -much at a Loss who to converse with.</p> - -<p><em>Hort.</em> I keep my Chamber, and converse with myself; -'tis better being alone, than to mis-ally one's -Conversation: Men are scandalous, and Women are -insipid: Discourse without Figure makes me sick at -my Soul: O the Charms of a Metaphor! What Harmony -there is in the Words of Erudition! The Musick -of them is inimaginable.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Will you hear a Fable, Lady?</p> - -<p><em>Hort.</em> Willingly, Sir; the Apologue pleases me, -when the Application of it is just.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> It is, I'll answer for it.</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Once on a Time a Nightingale,</em><br /></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_233" id="Page_233">[Pg 233]</a></span> -<span class="i2"><em>To Changes prone,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Unconstant, fickle, whimsical,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>(A Female one)</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Who sung like others of her kind,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Hearing a well-taught Linnet's Airs,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Had other Matters in her Mind.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>To imitate him she prepares;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Her Fancy strait was on the Wing:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i4"><em>I fly, quoth she,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>As well as he;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>I don't know why</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>I should not try</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>As well as he to sing.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>From that Day forth she chang'd her Note,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>She spoil'd her Voice, she strain'd her Throat:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>She did, as learned Women do,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Till every Thing</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>That heard her sing</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Wou'd run away from her——as I from you.</em><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p class="directright">[<em><span class="antiqua">Exit</span> Esop <span class="antiqua">running</span>.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em><span class="antiqua">Hortensia</span> sola.</em> -</p> - -<p>How grossly does this poor World suffer itself to be -impos'd upon!—--<em>Esop</em>, a Man of Sense——Ha! -ha! ha! ha! ha! Alas, poor Wretch! I shou'd not -have known him but by his Deformity; his Soul's as -nauseous to my Understanding, as his odious Body to -my Sense of Feeling. Well,</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>'Mongst all the Wits that are allow'd to shine,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Methinks there's nothing yet approaches mine:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Sure I was sent the homely Age t'adorn;</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>What Star, I know not, rul'd when I was born,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But every Thing besides myself's my Scorn.</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p class="directright">[Exit.</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-247.jpg" width="700" height="45" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="ACT_II4" id="ACT_II4"><em class="gesperrt">ACT</em> II.</a></h3> - - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Euphronia</span> and <span class="antiqua">Doris</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> <span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">W</span>hat</span>, in the Name of <em>Jove</em>, 's the matter -with you? Speak, for Heaven's sake!</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Oh! what shall I do? <em>Doris</em>, I'm undone.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> What, ravish'd?</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> No, ten times worse! Ten times worse! Unlace -me, or I shall swoon.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Unlace you? Why, you are not thereabouts, -I hope?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_234" id="Page_234">[Pg 234]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> No no, worse still; worse than all that.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Nay, then 'tis bad, indeed.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em><span class="antiqua">Doris</span> unlaces her.</em></p> - -<p>There: How d'ye do now?</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> So; 'tis going over.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Courage, pluck up your Spirits: Well, now -what's the matter?</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> The matter! Thou shalt hear. Know that—that -Cheat—<em>Esop</em>——</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Like enough; speak: What has he done! That -ugly ill-boding Cyclops—</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Why, instead of keeping his Promise, and speaking -for <em>Oronces</em>, he has not said one Word, but what has -been for himself. And by my Father's Order, before -to-morrow Noon he's to marry me.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> He marry you!</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Am I in the wrong to be in this Despair? Tell -me, <em>Doris</em>, if I am to blame.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> To blame? No, by my troth. That ugly, old, -treacherous piece of Vermin—that melancholy Mixture -of Impotence and Desire—does his Mouth stand to a -young Partridge? Ah the old Goat! And your Father! -He downright doats at last, then.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Ah, <em>Doris</em>, what a Husband does he give me! -And what a Lover does he rob me of! Thou know'st -'em both; think of <em>Oronces</em>, and think of <em>Esop</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> [<em>Spitting.</em>] A foul Monster! And yet, now I -think on't, I'm almost as angry at t'other too: Methinks -he makes but a slow Voyage on't, for a Man in Love: -'Tis now above two Months since he went to <em>Lesbos</em>, to -pack up the old Bones of his dead Father; sure he -might have made a little more Haste.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Oronces</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Oh! my Heart, what do I see?</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Talk of the Devil, and he's at your Elbow.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> My dear Soul!</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em><span class="antiqua">Euph.</span> runs and leaps about his Neck.</em></p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Why wou'd you stay so long from me?</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> 'Twas not my Fault, indeed; the Winds——</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> The Winds! Will the Winds blow you your<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_235" id="Page_235">[Pg 235]</a></span> -Mistress again? We have had Winds too, and Waves -into the Bargain; Storms and Tempests, Sea-Monsters, -and the Devil and all. She struggled as long as she -cou'd, but a Woman can do no more than she can do; -when her Breath was gone, down she sunk.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> What's the meaning of all this?</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> There's meaning and mumping too: your Mistress -is married: that's all.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Death and Furies——</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> [<em>Clinging about him.</em>] Don't you frighten him -too much, neither, <em>Doris</em>. No, my Dear, I'm not yet -executed, tho' I'm condemn'd.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Condemn'd! To what? Speak! Quick!</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> To be married.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Married? When? How? Where? To what? -To whom?</p> - -<p><em>Dor. Esop, Esop, Esop, Esop, Esop.</em></p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Fiends and Spectres! What! That piece of -Deformity! That Monster! That Crump!</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> The same, Sir, the same. I find he knows him. -You might have come home sooner.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Dear <em>Euphronia</em>, ease me from my Pain. -Swear that you neither have nor will consent. -I know this comes from your ambitious Father; -But you're too generous, too true to leave me: -Millions of Kingdoms ne'er wou'd shake my Faith, -And I believe your Constancy as firm.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> You do me Justice, you shall find you do: For -Racks and Tortures, Crowns and Scepters join'd, shall -neither fright me from my Truth, nor tempt me to be -false. On this you may depend.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Wou'd to the Lord you wou'd find some other -Place to make your fine Speeches in! Don't you know -that your dear Friend <em>Esop</em>'s coming to receive his Visits -here? In this great downy Chair, your pretty little -Husband Elect is to sit and hear all the Complaints of -the Town: One of Wisdom's chief Recompences being -to be constantly troubled with the Business of Fools. -Pray, Madam, will you take the Gentleman by the -Hand, and lead him into your Chamber; and when<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_236" id="Page_236">[Pg 236]</a></span> -you are there, don't lie whining, and crying, and sighing, -and wishing——[<em>Aside.</em>] If he had not been -more modest than wise, he might have set such a Mark -upon the Goods before now, that ne'er a Merchant of -'em all wou'd have bought 'em out of his Hands. But -young Fellows are always in the wrong: Either so impudent -they are nauseous, or so modest they are useless. -Go; pray get you gone together.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> But if my Father catch us, we are ruin'd.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> By my Conscience, this Love will make us all -turn Fools. Before your Father can open the Door, -can't he slip down the Back-stairs? I'm sure he may, if -you don't hold him; but that's the old Trade. Ah—Well, -get you gone, however——Hark——I hear the -old Baboon cough; away! [<em>Ex. <span class="antiqua">Oron.</span> and <span class="antiqua">Euph.</span> running.</em>] -Here he comes, with his ugly Beak before him. -Ah—a luscious Bedfellow, by my troth!</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Learchus</span> and <span class="antiqua">Esop</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Well, <em>Doris</em>; what News from my Daughter? -Is she prudent?</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Yes, very prudent.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> What says she? What does she do?</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Do? What shou'd she do? Tears her Cornet; -bites her Thumbs; throws her Fan in the Fire; thinks -'tis dark Night at Noon-day; dreams of Monsters and -Hobgoblins; raves in her Sleep of forc'd Marriage and -Cuckoldom; cries, <em>Avaunt</em> Deformity; then wakens on -a sudden, with fifty Arguments at her Fingers-ends to -prove the Lawfulness of Rebellion in a Child, when a -Parent turns Tyrant.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Very fine! But all this shan't serve her turn. I -have said the Word, and will be obey'd——My Lord -does her Honour.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Yes, and that's all he can do to her. -[<em>To <span class="antiqua">Lear</span>.</em>] But I can't blame the Gentleman, after all; -he loves my Mistress, because she's handsome; and she -hates him, because he's ugly. I never saw two People -more in the right in my Life. [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Esop</span>.</em>] You'll pardon -me, Sir, I'm somewhat free.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_237" id="Page_237">[Pg 237]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Why, a Ceremony wou'd but take up time. -But, Governor, methinks I have an admirable Advocate -about your Daughter.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Out of the Room, Impudence: be gone, I say.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> So I will: But you'll be as much in the wrong -when I'm gone, as when I'm here. And your Conscience, -I hope, will talk as pertly to you as I can do.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> If she treats me thus before my face, I may conclude -I'm finely handled behind my Back.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> I say the Truth here; and I can say no worse -any where.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Doris</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> I hope your Lordship won't be concern'd at -what this prattling Wench bleats out: my Daughter -will be govern'd. She's bred up to Obedience. There -may be some small Difficulty in weaning her from her -young Lover: But 'twon't be the first time she has been -wean'd from a Breast, my Lord.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Does she love him fondly, Sir?</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Foolishly, my Lord.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> And he her?</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> The same.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Is he young?</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Yes, and vigorous.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Rich?</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> So, so.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Well-born?</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> He has good Blood in his Veins.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Has he Wit?</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> He had, before he was in Love.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> And handsome with all this?</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Or else we shou'd not have half so much trouble -with him.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Why do you, then, make her quit him for me? -All the World knows I am neither young, noble, nor -rich: And as for my Beauty——Look you, Governor, -I'm honest. But when Children cry, they tell 'em -<em>Esop</em>'s a-coming. Pray, Sir, what is it makes you so -earnest to force your Daughter?</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Am I, then, to count for nothing the favour you -are in at Court? Father-in-law to the great <em>Esop</em>! What<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_238" id="Page_238">[Pg 238]</a></span> -may not I aspire to? My foolish Daughter, perhaps, -mayn't be so well pleas'd with it, but we wise Parents -usually weigh our Children's Happiness in the Scale of -our own Inclinations.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Well, Governor, let it be your Care, then, to -make her consent.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> This Moment, my Lord, I reduce her either -to Obedience, or to Dust and Ashes.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Lear</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Adieu. Now let in the People who come for -Audience.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em><span class="antiqua">Esop</span> sits in his Chair, reading of Papers.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter two ordinary Tradesmen.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>1 Tra.</em> There he is, Neighbour: Do but look at him.</p> - -<p><em>2 Tra.</em> Aye; one may know him: He's well mark'd. -But do'st hear me? What Title must we give him? for -if we fail in that point, d'ye see me, we shall never get -our Business done. Courtiers love Titles almost as well -as they do Money, and that's a bold Word now.</p> - -<p><em>1 Tra.</em> Why, I think we had best call him, his Grandeur.</p> - -<p><em>2 Tra.</em> That will do; thou hast hit on't. Hold still, -let me speak. May it please your Grandeur——</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> There I interrupt you, Friend; I have a weak -Body that will ne'er be able to bear that Title.</p> - -<p><em>2 Tra.</em> D'ye hear that, Neighbour? What shall we -call him now?</p> - -<p><em>1 Tra.</em> Why, call him, call him, his Excellency; -try what that will do.</p> - -<p><em>2 Tra.</em> May it please your Excellency——</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Excellency's a long Word, it takes up too much -time in Business: Tell me what you'd have in few Words.</p> - -<p><em>2 Tra.</em></p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Neighbour, this Man will never give<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Ten thousand Pounds to be made a Lord.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But what shall I say to him now?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He puts me quite out of my play.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>1 Tra.</em> Why e'en talk to him as we do to one another.</p> - -<p><em>2 Tra.</em> Shall I? Why, so I will, then. Hem! Neighbour, -we want a new Governor, Neighbour.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> A new Governor, Friend?</p> - -<p><em>2 Tra.</em> Aye, Friend.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_239" id="Page_239">[Pg 239]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Why, what's the matter with your old one?</p> - -<p><em>2 Tra.</em></p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">What's the matter!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Why, he grows rich; that's the matter;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And he that's rich can't be innocent; that's all.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Does he use any of you harshly? Or punish you -without a Fault?</p> - -<p><em>2 Tra.</em> No, but he grows as rich as a Miser; his Purse -is so cramm'd, 'tis ready to burst again.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> When 'tis full, 'twill hold no more; a new Governor -will have an empty one.</p> - -<p><em>2 Tra.</em> 'Fore Gad, Neighbour, the little Gentleman's -in the right on't.</p> - -<p><em>1 Tra.</em></p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Why, truly, I don't know but he may:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For now it comes in my Head,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">It cost me more Money to fat my Hog,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Than to keep him fat when he was so.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Pr'ythee tell him we'll keep our old Governor.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>2 Tra.</em> I'll do't. Why, look you, Sir, d'ye see me: -Having seriously consider'd of the matter, my Neighbour -<em>Hobson</em> and I here, we are content to jog on a little -longer with him we have: but if you'd do us another -Courtesy, you might.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> What's that, Friend?</p> - -<p><em>2 Tra.</em> Why, that's this: Our King Crœsus is a very -good Prince, as a Man may say: But——a——but—Taxes -are high, an't please you; and——a——poor -Men want Money, d'ye see me: 'Tis very hard, as we -think, that the Poor shou'd work to maintain the Rich. -If there were no Taxes, we shou'd do pretty well.</p> - -<p><em>1 Tra.</em> Taxes, indeed, are very burdensome.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> I'll tell you a Story, Countrymen.</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Once on a time, the Hands and Feet,</em><br /></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_240" id="Page_240">[Pg 240]</a></span> -<span class="i0"><em>As Mutineers, grew mighty great;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>They met, caball'd, and talk'd of Treason,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>They swore by <span class="antiqua">Jove</span> they knew no Reason</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The Belly shou'd have all the Meat—</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>It was a damn'd notorious Cheat</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>They did the Work, and—Death and Hell, they'd eat.</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>The Belly, who ador'd good Chear,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Had like t'have dy'd away for Fear:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Quoth he, Good Folks, you little know</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>What 'tis you are about to do;</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>If I am starv'd, what will become of you?</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>We neither know nor care, cry'd they,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But this we will be bound to say,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>We'll see you damn'd</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Before we'll work,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And you receive the Pay.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>With that the Hands to Pocket went</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Full Wrist-band deep,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The Legs and Feet fell fast asleep:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Their Liberty they had redeem'd,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And all, except the Belly, seem'd</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Extremely well content.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>But mark what follow'd; 'twas not long</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Before the right became the wrong;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The Mutineers were grown so weak,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>They found 'twas more than time to squeak:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>They call for work, but 'twas too late.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>The Stomach (like an aged Maid,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Shrunk up, for want of human Aid)</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The common Debt of Nature paid,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And with its Destiny entrain'd their Fate.</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> What think you of this Story, Friends, ha? -Come, you look like wise Men; I'm sure you understand -what's for your good; in giving part of what you have, -you secure all the rest: If the King had no Money, there -cou'd be no Army; and if there were no Army, your -Enemies would be amongst you: One Day's Pillage -wou'd be worse than twenty Years' Taxes. What say ye? -Is't not so?</p> - -<p><em>2 Tra.</em> By my troth, I think he's in the right on't, again. -Who'd think that little Hump-back of his -Shou'd have so much Brains in't, Neighbour?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Well, honest Men, is there any thing else that I -can serve you in?</p> - -<p><em>1 Tra.</em> D'ye hear that, <em>Humphry</em>?——Why, that was<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_241" id="Page_241">[Pg 241]</a></span> -civil now. But Courtiers seldom want Good-breeding; -let's give the Devil his due. Why, to tell you the truth, -honest Gentlemen, we had a whole Budget full of Grievances -to complain of. But I think——a——Ha, Neighbour? -We had e'en as good let 'em alone.</p> - -<p><em>1 Tra.</em> Why good feath I think so too; for by all I -can see, we are like to make no great hond on't. Besides, -between thee and me, I began to daubt, whether -aur Grievances do us such a plaguy deal of Mischief as -we fancy.</p> - -<p><em>2 Tra.</em> Or put the Case they did, <em>Humphry</em>; I'se afraid -he that goes to a Courtier, in hope to get fairly rid of -'em, may be said (in our Country Dialect) to take the -wrong Sow by the Ear. But here's Neighbour <em>Roger</em>, -he's a Wit, let's leave him to him.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Roger</span>, a Country Bumkin, looks seriously upon <span class="antiqua">Esop</span>; -then bursts out a laughing.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Rog.</em> Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Did ever Mon behold the -like? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Hast thou any business with me, Friend?</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Rog.</em> Yes, by my troth, have I;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But if <em>Roger</em> were to be hang'd up for't,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Look you now, he cou'd not hold laughing:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">What I have in my Mind, out it comes: But bar that;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I'se on honest Lad as well as another.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> My time's dearer to me than yours, Friend; -have you any thing to say to me?</p> - -<p><em>Rog.</em> Gadswookers, do People use to ask for Folks -when they have nothing to say to 'em: I'se tell you my -Business.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Let's hear it.</p> - -<p><em>Rog.</em> I have, as you see, a little Wit.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> True.</p> - -<p><em>Rog.</em> I live in a Village hard by, and I'se the best Man -in it, tho' I say it that should not say it. I have good -Drink in my Cellar, and good Corn in my Barn: I have -Cows and Oxen, Hogs and Sheep, Cocks and Hens, -and Geese and Turkeys: But the Truth will out, and so -let it out. I'se e'en tired of being call'd plain <em>Roger</em>.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_242" id="Page_242">[Pg 242]</a></span> -I has a Leathern Purse, and in that Purse there's many -a fair Half-crown, with the King's sweet Face upon it, -God bless him; and with his Money, I have a mind to -bind myself 'Prentice to a Courtier: 'Tis a good Trade, -as I have heard say; there's Money stirring: Let a Lad -be but diligent, and do what he's bid, he shall be let -into the Secret, and share Part of the Profits; I have not -lived to these Years for nothing: Those that will swim -must go into deep water: I'se get our Wife <em>Joan</em> to be -the Queen's Chamber-maid; and then——Crack, says -me I; and forget all my Acquaintance. But to come to -the Business. You who are the King's great Favourite, -I desire you'd be pleas'd to sell me some of your Friendship, -that I may get a Court-Place. Come, you shall -chuse me one yourself; you look like a shrewd Man; by -the Mass, you do.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> I chuse thee a Place!</p> - -<p><em>Rog.</em> Yes, I wou'd willingly have it such a sort of a -Place, as wou'd cost little, and bring in a great deal; in -a Word, much Profit, and nothing to do.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> But you must name what Post you think wou'd -suit your Humour.</p> - -<p><em>Rog.</em> Why I'se pratty indifferent as to that: Secretary -of State, or Butler; twenty Shillings more, or twenty -Shillings less, is not the thing I stand upon. I'se no -Hagler, Godswookers; and he that says I am—'Zbud -he lies: There's my Humour now.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> But hark you, Friend, you say you are well as -you are, why then do you desire to change?</p> - -<p><em>Rog.</em> Why what a Question now is there for a Man of -your Parts? I'm well, d'ye see me; and what of all that? -I desire to be better: There's an Answer for you. [<em>Aside.</em>] -Let <em>Roger</em> alone with him.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Very well: This is reasoning; and I love a -Man should reason with me. But let us enquire a little -whether your Reasons are good or not. You say, at home -you want for nothing?</p> - -<p><em>Rog.</em> Nothing, 'fore <em>George</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> You have good Drink?</p> - -<p><em>Rog.</em> 'Zbud, the best i'th' Parish. [<em>Singing.</em>] And<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_243" id="Page_243">[Pg 243]</a></span> -dawne it merrily goes, my Lad, and dawne it merrily -goes.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> You eat heartily?</p> - -<p><em>Rog.</em> I have a noble Stomach.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> You sleep well?</p> - -<p><em>Rog.</em> Just as I drink, till I can sleep no longer.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> You have some honest Neighbours?</p> - -<p><em>Rog.</em> Honest! 'Zbud we are all so, the Tawne raund, -we live like Breether; when one can sarve another, he -does it with all his Heart and Guts; when we have any -thing that's good, we eat it together, Holidays and Sundays -we play at Nine-pins, tumble upon the Grass with -wholesome young Maids, laugh till we split, daunce till -we are weary, eat till we burst, drink till we are sleepy, -then swap into Bed, and snore till we rise to Breakfast.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> And all this thou wou'dst leave to go to Court? -I'll tell thee what once happen'd:</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>A Mouse, who long had liv'd at Court,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>(Yet ne'er the better Christian for't)</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Walking one Day to see some Country Sport,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He met a home-bred Village-Mouse;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Who with an awkward Speech and Bow,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>That savour'd much of Cart and Plow,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Made a shift, I know not how,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>T' invite him to his House.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Quoth he, My Lord, I doubt you'll find</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Our Country Fare of homely kind;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But by my troth, you're welcome to't,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Y'ave that, and Bread and Cheese to boot:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And so they sat and din'd.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Rog.</em> Very well.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Esop.</em> <em>The <span class="antiqua">Courtier</span> cou'd have eat at least</em><br /></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_244" id="Page_244">[Pg 244]</a></span> -<span class="i0"><em>As much as any Houshold Priest,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But thought himself oblig'd in Feeding,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To shew the difference of Town breeding;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He pick'd and cull'd, and turn'd the Meat,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He champt and chew'd, and cou'd not eat:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>No toothless Woman at Fourscore,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Was ever seen to mumble more.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He made a thousand ugly Faces,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Which (as sometimes in Ladies cases)</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Were all design'd for Airs and Graces.</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Rog.</em> Ha, ha!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Esop. <em>At last he from the Table rose,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He pick'd his Teeth and blow'd his Nose,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And with an easy Negligence,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>As tho' he lately came from France,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He made a careless sliding Bow:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>'Fore Gad, quoth he, I don't know how</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>I shall return your friendly Treat;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But if you'll take a bit of Meat</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>In Town with me,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>You there shall see,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>How we poor Courtiers eat.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Rog.</em> Tit for tat; that was friendly.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Esop. <em>There needed no more Invitation</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To e'er a Country 'Squire i'th' Nation:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Exactly to the time he came,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Punctual as Woman when she meets</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>A Man between a pair of Sheets,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>As good a Stomach, and as little Shame.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Rog.</em> Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Esop. <em>To say the Truth, he found good Chear,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>With Wine, instead of Ale and Beer:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But just as they sat down to eat,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Came bouncing in a hungry Cat.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Rog.</em> O Lord, O Lord, O Lord!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Esop. <em>The nimble Courtier skipt from Table,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The 'Squire leapt too, as he was able:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>It can't be said that they were beat,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>It was no more than a Retreat;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Which when an Army, not to fight</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>By Day-light, runs away by Night,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Was ever judg'd a great and glorious Feat.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Rog.</em> Ever, ever, ever.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Esop. <em>The Cat retir'd, our Guests return,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The Danger past becomes their Scorn,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>They fall to eating as before,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The Butler rumbles at the Door.</em><br /></span> -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_245" id="Page_245">[Pg 245]</a></span></div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Rog.</em> Good Lord!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Esop. <em>To Boot and Saddle again they sound.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Rog.</em> Ta ra, tan tan ta ra, ra ra tan ta ra.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Esop. <em>They frown, as they wou'd stand their Ground,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But (like some of our Friends) they found</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>'Twas safer much to scour.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Rog.</em> Tantive, Tantive, Tantive, <em>&c.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Esop. <em>At length the 'Squire, who hated Arms,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Was so perplext with these Alarms,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He rose up in a kind of Heat,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Udswookers, quoth he, with all your Meat,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>I will maintain, a Dish of Pease,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>A Radish, and a Slice of Cheese,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>With a good Desert of Ease,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Is much a better Treat.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>However,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Since every Man shou'd have his due,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>I own, Sir, I'm oblig'd to you</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>For your Intentions at your Board:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But Pox upon your courtly Crew——</em><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>Rog.</em> <em>Amen</em>, I pray the Lord. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! -Now the De'el cuckold me if this Story be not worth a -Sermon. Give me your Hond, Sir.——If it had na' -been for your friendly Advice, I was going to be Fool -enough to be Secretary of State.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Well, go thy ways home, and be wiser for the -future.</p> - -<p><em>Rog.</em> And so I will: For that same Mause, your Friend, -was a witty Person, gadsbudlikins! and so our Wife -<em>Joan</em> shall know: For between you and I, 'tis she has put -me upon going to Court. Sir, she has been so praud, -so saucy, so rampant, ever since I brought her home a -lac'd Pinner, and a pink-colour'd pair of Shoe-strings, -from <em>Tickledowne</em> Fair, the Parson o'th' Parish can't rule -her; and that you'll say's much. But so much for -that. Naw I thank you for your good Counsel, honest little -Gentleman; and to shew you that I'se not ungrateful—give -me your Hond once more——If you'll take the -pains but to walk dawne to our Towne—a Word in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_246" id="Page_246">[Pg 246]</a></span> -your Ear——I'se send you so drunk whome again, you -shall remember friendly <em>Roger</em> as long as you have Breath -in your Body.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Roger</span></em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Esop. <span class="antiqua">solus</span>.</em> -</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">Farewel, what I both envy and despise!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thy Happiness and Ignorance provoke me.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">How noble were the thing call'd Knowledge,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Did it but lead us to a Bliss like thine!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But there's a secret Curse in Wisdom's Train, <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Which on its Pleasures stamps perpetual Pain, <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">And makes the wise Man Loser by his Gain. <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit.</em></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-260.jpg" width="700" height="45" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="ACT_III4" id="ACT_III4"><em class="gesperrt">ACT</em> III.</a></h3> - - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Esop</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> <span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">W</span>ho</span> waits there?</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Enter Servant.</em></p> - -<p>If there be any body that has Business with -me, let 'em in.</p> - -<p><em>Serv.</em> Yes, Sir.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Serv.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Quaint</span>, who stands at a distance, making a great -many fawning Bows.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Well, Friend, who are you?</p> - -<p><em>Quaint.</em> My Name's <em>Quaint</em>, Sir, the profoundest of -all your Honour's humble Servants.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> And what may your Business be with me, Sir?</p> - -<p><em>Quaint.</em> My Business, Sir, with every Man, is first of -all to do him Service.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> And your next is, I suppose, to be paid for't -twice as much as 'tis worth.</p> - -<p><em>Quaint.</em> Your Honour's most obedient humble Servant.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Well, Sir, but upon what Account am I going -to be oblig'd to you?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_247" id="Page_247">[Pg 247]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Quaint.</em> Sir, I'm a Genealogist.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> A Genealogist!</p> - -<p><em>Quaint.</em> At your Service, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> So, Sir?</p> - -<p><em>Quaint.</em> Sir, I am inform'd from common Fame, as -well as from some little private familiar Intelligence, -that your Wisdom is ent'ring into Treaty with the <em>Primum -Mobilè</em> of Good and Evil, a fine Lady. I have travell'd, -Sir; I have read, Sir; I have consider'd, Sir; -and I find, Sir, that the Nature of a fine Lady is to be——a -fine Lady, Sir; a fine Lady's a fine Lady, Sir, -all the World over;——she loves a fine House, fine -Furniture, fine Clothes, fine Liveries, fine Petticoats, -fine Smocks; and if she stops there—she's a fine Lady -indeed, Sir. But to come to my Point. It being the -<em>Lydian</em> Custom, that the fair Bride should be presented -on her Wedding-day with something that may signify -the Merit and the Worth of her dread Lord and Master, -I thought the noble <em>Esop</em>'s Pedigree might be the -welcom'st Gift that he could offer. If his Honour be -of the same Opinion—I'll speak a bold Word—there's -ne'er a Herald in all <em>Asia</em> shall put better Blood in his -Veins, than—Sir, your humble Servant, <em>Jacob Quaint</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Dost thou then know my Father, Friend? For -I protest to thee I am a Stranger to him.</p> - -<p><em>Quaint.</em> Your Father, Sir? Ha, ha! I know every -Man's Father, Sir; and every Man's Grandfather, and -every Man's Great Grandfather. Why, Sir, I'm a -Herald by Nature, my Mother was a <em>Welchwoman</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> A <em>Welchwoman</em>? Pr'ythee of what Country is -that?</p> - -<p><em>Quaint.</em> That, Sir, is a Country in the World's -Backside, where every Man is born a Gentleman and a -Genealogist. Sir, I cou'd tell my Mother's Pedigree -before I could speak plain; which, to shew you the -Depth of my Art, and the Strength of my Memory, -I'll trundle you down in an instant. <em>Noah</em> had three -Sons, <em>Shem</em>, <em>Ham</em>, and <em>Japhet</em>; <em>Shem</em>——</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Hold, I conjure thee, in the Name of all thy -Ancestors.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_248" id="Page_248">[Pg 248]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Quaint.</em> Sir, I cou'd take it higher, but I begin at -Noah for brevity's sake.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> No more on't, I intreat thee.</p> - -<p><em>Quaint.</em> Your Honour's impatient, perhaps, to hear -your own Descent. <em>A Word to the wise is enough.</em> Hem, -hem! <em>Solomon</em>, the wise King of <em>Judea</em>——</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Hold, once more!</p> - -<p><em>Quaint.</em> Ha, ha! Your Honour's modest, but——<em>Solomon</em>, -the wise King of <em>Judea</em>——</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Was my Ancestor, was he not?</p> - -<p><em>Quaint.</em> He was, my Lord, which no one sure can -doubt, who observes how much of Prince there hangs -about you.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> What! Is't in my Mien?</p> - -<p><em>Quaint.</em> You have something——wondrous noble in -your Air.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Personable too; view me well.</p> - -<p><em>Quaint.</em> N——not Tall; but Majestick.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> My Shape?</p> - -<p><em>Quaint.</em> A World of Symmetry in it.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> The Lump upon my Back?</p> - -<p><em>Quaint.</em> N——not regular; but agreeable.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Now by my Honesty thou art a Villain, Herald. -But Flattery's a Thrust I never fail to parry. -'Tis a Pass thou should'st reserve for young Fencers; -with Feints like those they're to be hit: I do not -doubt but thou hast found it so; hast not?</p> - -<p><em>Quaint.</em> I must confess, Sir, I have sometimes made -'em bleed by't. But I hope your Honour will please to -excuse me, since, to speak the Truth, I get my Bread -by't, and maintain my Wife and Children: And Industry, -you know, Sir, is a commendable Thing. Besides, -Sir, I have debated the Business a little with my -Conscience; for I'm like the rest of my Neighbours, -I'd willingly get Money, and be sav'd too, if the -Thing may be done upon any reasonable Terms: And -so, Sir, I say, to quiet my Conscience, I have found -out at last, that Flattery is a Duty.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> A Duty!</p> - -<p><em>Quaint.</em> Ay, Sir, a Duty: For the Duty of all Men<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_249" id="Page_249">[Pg 249]</a></span> -is to make one another pass their time as pleasantly as -they can. Now, Sir, here's a young Lord, who has a -great deal of Land, a great deal of Title, a great deal of -Meat, a great deal of Noise, a great many Servants, and -a great many Diseases. I find him very dull, very restless, -tir'd with Ease, cloy'd with Plenty, a Burden to -himself, and a Plague to his Family. I begin to flatter: -He springs off of the Couch; turns himself round in the -Glass; finds all I say true; cuts a Caper a yard high; -his Blood trickles round his Veins; his Heart's as light -as his Heels; and before I leave him——his Purse is as -empty as his Head. So we both are content; for we -part much happier than we met.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Admirable Rogue! What dost thou think of -Murder and of Rape, are not they Duties too? Wert -not for such vile fawning Things as thou art, young Nobles -wou'd not long be what they are: They'd grow -asham'd of Luxury and Ease, and rouse up the old Spirit -of their Fathers; leave the pursuit of a poor frightned -Hare, and make their Foes to tremble in their stead; furnish -their Heads with Sciences and Arts, and fill their -Hearts with Honour, Truth and Friendship; Be generous -to some, and just to all; drive home their Creditors -with Bags of Gold, instead of chasing 'em away with -Swords and Staves; be faithful to their King and Country -both, and stab the Offerer of a Bribe from either; -blush even at a wandering Thought of Vice, and boldly -own they durst be Friends to Virtue; trembling at nothing -but the Frowns of Heaven, and be no more asham'd -of Him that made 'em.</p> - -<p><em>Quaint.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] If I stand to hear this Crump preach -a little longer, I shall be Fool enough perhaps to be -bubbled out of my Livelyhood, and so lose a Bird in the -Hand for two in the Bush. Sir, since I have not been -able to bring you to a good Opinion of yourself, 'tis very -probable I shall scarce prevail with you to have one of -me. But if you please to do me the favour to forget me, -I shall ever acknowledge myself——Sir, your most -obedient, faithful, humble Servant.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Hold; if I let thee go, and give thee nothing,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_250" id="Page_250">[Pg 250]</a></span> -thou'lt be apt to grumble at me; and therefore——who -waits there?</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Servant.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Quaint.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] I don't like his Looks, by Gad.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> I'll present thee with a Token of my Love.</p> - -<p><em>Quaint.</em> A—another time, Sir, will do as well.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> No; I love to be out of Debt, tho' 'tis being -out of the Fashion. So, d'ye hear! Give this honest -Gentleman half a score good Strokes on the Back with a -Cudgel.</p> - -<p><em>Quaint.</em> By no means in the World, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Indeed, Sir, you shall take 'em.</p> - -<p><em>Quaint.</em> Sir, I don't merit half your Bounty.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> O 'tis but a Trifle!</p> - -<p><em>Quaint.</em> Your Generosity makes me blush.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Looking about to make his Escape.</em></p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> That's your Modesty, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Quaint.</em> Sir, you are pleased to compliment. But -a——twenty Pedigrees for a clear Coast.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Running off, the Servant after him.</em></p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Wait upon him down Stairs, Fellow; I'd do't -myself, were I but nimble enough; but he makes haste, -to avoid Ceremony.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Servant.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Serv.</em> Sir, here's a Lady in great haste, desires to speak -with you.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Let her come in.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Aminta</span>, weeping.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Amin.</em> O Sir, if you don't help me, I'm undone.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> What, what's the Matter, Lady?</p> - -<p><em>Amin.</em> My Daughter, Sir, my Daughter's run away -with a filthy Fellow.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> A slippery Trick indeed!</p> - -<p><em>Amin.</em> For Heaven's sake, Sir, send immediately to -pursue 'em, and seize 'em. But 'tis in vain, 'twill be too -late, 'twill be too late; I'll warrant at this very Moment -they are got together in a Room with a Couch in't; all's -gone, all's gone; tho' 'twere made of Gold, 'tis lost:<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_251" id="Page_251">[Pg 251]</a></span> -Oh! my Honour, my Honour. A forward Girl she was -always; I saw it in her Eyes the very Day of her Birth.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> That indeed was early; but how do you know -she's gone with a Fellow?</p> - -<p><em>Amin.</em> I have e'en her own insolent Hand-writing -for't: Sir, take but the pains to read what a Letter she -has left me.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Reads.</p> - -<div class="hangindent"> - -<p><em>I love and am belov'd, and that's the Reason I run -away.</em></p></div> - -<p>Short, but significant!—--<em>I'm sure there's no Body -knows better than your Ladyship what Allowances are to be -made to Flesh and Blood; I therefore hope this from your -Justice, that what you have done three Times yourself, -you'll pardon once in your Daughter.</em> <em>The Dickens!</em></p> - -<p><em>Amin.</em> Now, Sir, what do you think of the Business?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Why truly, Lady, I think it one of the most -natural Businesses I have met with a great while. I'll -tell you a Story.</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>A Crab-fish once her Daughter told,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>(In Terms that savour'd much of Scold)</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>She cou'd not bear to see her go</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Sidle, sidle, to and fro:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The Devil's in the Wench, quoth she,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>When so much Money has been paid</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To polish you like me,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>It makes me almost mad to see</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Y'are still so awkward, an ungainly Jade.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Her Daughter smil'd, and look'd a-skew;</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>She answer'd (for to give her her due)</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Pertly, as most Folks Daughters do:</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Madam, your Ladyship, quoth she,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Is pleas'd to blame in me</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>What, on Enquiry, you may find,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Admits a passable Excuse,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>From a Proverb much in use,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em><span class="antiqua">That Cat will after kind</span>.</em><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>Amin.</em> Sir, I took you to be a Man better bred, than -to liken a Lady to a Crab-fish.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_252" id="Page_252">[Pg 252]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> What I want in Good-breeding, Lady, I have -in Truth and Honesty: As what you have wanted in -Virtue, you have had in a good Face.</p> - -<p><em>Amin.</em> Have had, Sir! What I have had, I have still; -and shall have a great while, I hope. I'm no Grandmother, -Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> But in a fair way for't, Madam.</p> - -<p><em>Amin.</em> Thanks to my Daughter's Forwardness then, -not my Years. I'd have you to know, Sir, I have never -a Wrinkle in my Face. A young pert Slut! Who'd -think she shou'd know so much at her Age?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Good Masters make quick Scholars, Lady; she -has learn'd her Exercise from you.</p> - -<p><em>Amin.</em> But where's the Remedy, Sir?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> In trying if a good Example will reclaim her, -as an ill one has debauch'd her. Live private, and avoid -Scandal.</p> - -<p><em>Amin.</em> Never speak it; I can no more retire, than I -can go to Church twice on a Sunday.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> What, your youthful Blood boils in your Veins, -I'll warrant?</p> - -<p><em>Amin.</em> I have Warmth enough to endure the Air, old -Gentleman. I need not shut myself up in a House these -twenty Years.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] She takes a long Lease of Lewdness: -She'll be an admirable Tenant to Lust.</p> - -<p><em>Amin.</em> [<em>Walking hastily to and fro.</em>] People think when -a Woman is turn'd Forty, she's old enough to turn out -of the World: But I say, when a Woman is turn'd Forty, -she's old enough to have more Wit. The most can -be said is, her Face is the worse for wearing: I'll answer -for all the rest of her Fabrick. The Men wou'd be to -be pity'd, by my troth, wou'd they, if we shou'd quit -the Stage, and leave 'em nothing but a parcel of young -pert Sluts, that neither know how to speak Sense, nor -keep themselves clean. But, don't let 'em fear, we a'n't -going yet——[<em><span class="antiqua">Esop</span> stares upon her, and as she turns from -him, runs off the Stage.</em>] How now! What left alone! -An unmannerly Piece of Deformity! Methinks he might -have had Sense enough to have made Love to me. But<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_253" id="Page_253">[Pg 253]</a></span> -I have found Men strangely dull for the last ten or twelve -Years: Sure they'll mend in Time, or the World won't -be worth living in.</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>For let Philosophers say all they can,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The Source of Women's Joys is plac'd in Man.</em><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p class="directright">[Exit.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Learchus</span> and <span class="antiqua">Euphronia</span>, <span class="antiqua">Doris</span> following at -a Distance.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> [<em>To Euph.</em>] I must tell you, Mistress, I'm too mild -with you; Parents shou'd never intreat their Children, -nor will I hereafter. Therefore, in a Word, let <em>Esop</em> -be lov'd, let <em>Oronces</em> be hated; let one be a Peacock, -let t'other be a Bat: I'm Father, you are Daughter; -I command, and you shall obey.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> I never yet did otherwise; nor shall I now, -Sir; but pray let Reason guide you.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> So it does: But 'tis my own, not yours, Hussy.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Ah—Well, I'll say no more; but were I in her -Place, by the Mass, I'd have a tug for't.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Dæmon, born to distract me! Whence art -thou, in the Name of Fire and Brimstone? Have I not -satisfy'd thee? Have I not paid thee what's thy due? -And have not I turn'd thee out of Doors, with Orders -never more to stride my Threshold, ha? Answer, abominable -Spirit; what is't that makes thee haunt me?</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> A foolish Passion to do you good, in spite of -your Teeth: Pox on me for my Zeal, I say.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> And Pox on thee, and thy Zeal too, I say.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Now if it were not for her Sake more than for -yours, I'd leave all to your own Management, to be reveng'd -of you. But rather than I'll see that sweet -Thing sacrificed—I'll play the Devil in your House.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Patience, I summon thee to my Aid.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Passion, I defy thee; to the last Drop of my -Blood I'll maintain my Ground. What have you to -charge me with? Speak! I love your Child better than -you do, and you can't bear that, ha? Is't not so? Nay, -'tis well y'are asham'd on't; there's some Sign of Grace -still. Look you, Sir, in a few Words, you'll make me<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_254" id="Page_254">[Pg 254]</a></span> -mad; and 'twere enough to make any Body mad (who -has Brains enough to be so) to see so much Virtue -shipwreck'd at the very Port. The World never saw a -Virgin better qualify'd; so witty, so discreet, so modest, -so chaste: in a Word, I brought her up myself, -and 'twould be the Death of me to see so virtuous a -Maid become a lewd Wife; which is the usual Effect -of Parents Pride and Covetousness.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> How, Strumpet! wou'd any Thing be able to -debauch my Daughter?</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Your Daughter! Yes, your Daughter, and myself -into the Bargain: A Woman's but a Woman; and -I'll lay a hundred Pound on Nature's side. Come, Sir, -few Words dispatch Business. Let who will be the -Wife of <em>Esop</em>, she's a Fool, or he's a Cuckold. But -you'll never have a true Notion of this Matter, till -you suppose yourself in your Daughter's Place. As -thus: You are a pretty, soft, warm, wishing young Lady: -I'm a straight, proper, handsome, vigorous, young -Fellow. You have a peevish, positive, covetous, old -Father, and he forces you to marry a little, lean, crooked, -dry, sapless Husband. This Husband's gone abroad, -you are left at home. I make you a Visit; find -you all alone: the Servant pulls to the Door; the Devil -comes in at the Window. I begin to wheedle, you -begin to melt: you like my Person, and therefore believe -all I say: so first I make you an Atheist, and then -I make you a Whore. Thus the World goes, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Pernicious Pestilence! Has not thy eternal -Tongue run down its Larum yet?</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Yes.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Then go out of my House, Abomination.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> I'll not stir a Foot.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Who waits there? Bring me my great Stick.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Bring you a Stick! Bring you a Head-piece: -That you'd call for, if you knew your own wants.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Death and Furies, the Devil and so forth! I -shall run distracted.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Pray, Sir, don't be so angry at her. I'm sure -she means well, tho' she may have an odd way of expressing -herself.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_255" id="Page_255">[Pg 255]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> What, you like her meaning? Who doubts it, -Offspring of <em>Venus</em>? But I'll make you stay your Stomach -with Meat of my chusing, you liquorish young -Baggage you. In a Word, <em>Esop</em>'s the Man; and to-morrow -he shall be your Lord and Master. But since -he can't be satisfied unless he has your Heart, as well -as all the rest of your Trumpery, let me see you receive -him in such a Manner that he may think himself your -Choice as well as mine; 'twill make him esteem your -Judgment: For we usually guess at other People's Understandings, -by their approving our Actions and liking -our Faces. See here, the great Man comes! [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Dor</span>.</em>] -Follow me, Insolence; and leave 'em to express their -Passion to each other. [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Euph</span>.</em>] Remember my last -Word to you is, Obey.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Euph.</span> aside.</em>] And remember my last Advice -to you is, Rebel.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Lear.</span> <span class="antiqua">Dor.</span> following him.</em></p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Alas, I'm good-natured; the last Thing that's -said to me usually leaves the deepest Impression.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Esop</span>; they stand some Time without speaking.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em>—They say, That Lovers, for want of Words, -have Eyes to speak with. I'm afraid you do not understand -the Language of mine, since yours, I find, will -make no Answer to 'em. But I must tell you, Lady, -there is a numerous Train of youthful Virgins, that are -endow'd with Wealth and Beauty too, who yet have -thought it worth their Pains and Care to point their -Darts at <em>Esop</em>'s homely Breast; whilst you so much contemn -what they pursue, that a young senseless Fop's -preferr'd before me.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Did you but know that Fop you dare to term -so, his very Looks wou'd fright you into nothing.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> A very Bauble.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> How!</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> A Butterfly.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> I can't bear it.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> A Parroquet can prattle and look gaudy.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> It may be so; but let me paint him and you<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_256" id="Page_256">[Pg 256]</a></span> -in your proper Colours, I'll do it exactly, and you shall -judge which I ought to chuse.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> No, hold; I'm naturally not over-curious; besides, -'tis Pride makes People have their Pictures drawn.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Upon my Word, Sir, you may have yours taken -a hundred times before any Body will believe 'tis -done upon that Account.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] How severe she is upon me! You are -resolv'd then to persist, and be fond of your Feather; -sigh for a Perriwig, and die for a Cravat string.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Methinks, Sir, you might treat with more respect -what I've thought fit to own I value; your Affronts -to him are doubly such to me; if you continue -your provoking Language, you must expect my Tongue -will sally too; and if you are as wise as some would -make you, you can't but know I shou'd have Theme -enough.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> But is it possible you can love so much as you -pretend?</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Why do you question it?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Because Nobody loves so much as they pretend: -But hark you, young Lady: Marriage is to last a long, -long Time; and where one Couple bless the sacred -Knot, a Train of Wretches curse the Institution. You -are in an Age where Hearts are young and tender; a -pleasing Object gets Admittance soon. But since to -Marriage there's annexed this dreadful Word, <em>For ever</em>, -the following Example ought to move you:</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>A Peacock once, of splendid show,</em><br /></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_257" id="Page_257">[Pg 257]</a></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Gay, gaudy, foppish, vain——a Beau,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Attack'd a fond young Pheasant's Heart</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>With such Success,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He pleas'd her, tho' he made her smart;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He pierc'd her with so much Address,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>She smil'd the Moment that he fixt his Dart.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>A Cuckow in a neighbouring Tree,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Rich, honest, ugly, old——like me,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Lov'd her as he lov'd his Life:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>No pamper'd Priest e'er study'd more</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To make a virtuous Nun a Whore,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Than he to get her for his Wife:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But all his Offers still were vain,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>His Limbs were weak, his Face was plain;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Beauty, Youth, and Vigour weigh'd</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>With the warm desiring Maid:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>No Bird, she cry'd, wou'd serve her turn,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But what cou'd quench as well as burn;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>She'd have a young Gallant: so one she had.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But 'ere a Month was come and gone,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The Bride began to change her tone,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>She found a young Gallant was an inconstant one.</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>She wander'd to a neighbouring Grove,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Where after musing long on Love,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>She told her Confidant, she found,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>When for one's Life one must be bound,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>(Tho' Youth indeed was a delicious Bait)</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>An aged Husband, rich, tho' plain,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Wou'd give a slavish Wife less Pain;</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And, what was more, was sooner slain,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Which was a Thing of Weight.</em><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p>Behold, young Lady, here, the Cuckow of the Fable; -I'm deform'd, 'tis true, yet I have found the Means to -make a Figure amongst Men, that well has recompens'd -the Wrongs of Nature; my Rival's Beauty promises -you much; perhaps my homely Form might yield you -more; at least, consider on't, 'tis worth your Thought.</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Euph.</em> I must confess, my Fortune wou'd be greater;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But what's a Fortune to a Heart like mine?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">'Tis true, I'm but a young Philosopher,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Yet in that little Space my Glass has run,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I've spent some Time in search of Happiness:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The fond Pursuit I soon observ'd of Riches,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Inclin'd me to enquire into their Worth:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I found their Value was not in themselves,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But in their Power to grant what we cou'd ask.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I then proceeded to my own Desires,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To know what State of Life wou'd suit with them:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I found 'em moderate in their Demands,<br /></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_258" id="Page_258">[Pg 258]</a></span> -<span class="i0">They neither ask'd for Title, State, or Power:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">They slighted the aspiring Post of Envy:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">'Tis true, they trembled at the Name Contempt;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A general Esteem was all they wish'd;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And that I did not doubt might be obtain'd,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If furnish'd but with Virtue and Good-nature;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">My Fortune prov'd sufficient to afford me<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Conveniences of Life, and Independence.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">This, Sir, was the Result of my Enquiry;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And by this Scheme of Happiness I build,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">When I prefer the Man I love to you.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> How wise, how witty, and how cleanly, young -Women grow, as soon as ever they are in love!</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> How foppish, how impertinent, and how nauseous -are old Men, when they pretend to be so too!</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> How pert is Youth!</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> How dull is Age!</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Why so sharp, young Lady?</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Why so blunt, old Gentleman?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> 'Tis enough; I'll to your Father, I know how -to deal with him, though I don't know how to deal with -you. Before to-morrow Noon, Damsel, Wife shall be -written on your Brow.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Esop</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Then before to-morrow Night, Statesman, -Husband shall be stampt upon your Forehead.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Euph</span>.</em></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-272.jpg" width="700" height="40" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="ACT_IV4" id="ACT_IV4"><em class="gesperrt">ACT</em> IV.</a></h3> - - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Oronces</span> and <span class="antiqua">Doris</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> <span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">P</span>atience</span>, I beseech you.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Patience! What, and see that lovely -Creature thrown into the Arms of that pedantick Monster! -'Sdeath, I'd rather see the World reduc'd to -A'toms, Mankind turn'd into Crawfish, and myself an -old Woman.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_259" id="Page_259">[Pg 259]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> So you think an old Woman a very unfortunate -thing, I find; but you are mistaken, Sir; she may -plague other Folks, but she's as entertaining to herself, -as any one Part of the Creation.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> [<em>Walking to and fro.</em>] She's the Devil——and -I'm one of the damn'd, I think. But I'll make somebody -howl for't; I will so.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> You'll e'en do as all the young Fellows in the -Town do, spoil your own Sport: Ah——had young -Mens Shoulders but old Courtiers Heads upon 'em, what -a delicious Time wou'd they have on't! For shame, be -wise; for your Mistress's sake at least use some Caution.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> For her sake I'll respect, even like a Deity, her -Father. He shall strike me, he shall tread upon me, -and find me humbler even than a crawling Worm, for -I'll not turn again; but for <em>Esop</em>, that unfinish'd Lump, -that Chaos of Humanity, I'll use him——nay, expect -it, for I'll do it——the first Moment that I'll -see him, I'll——</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Not challenge him, I hope——'Twould be -a pretty sight, truly, to see <em>Esop</em> drawn up in Battalia! -Fye for shame, be wise once in your Life; think of gaining -Time, by putting off the Marriage for a Day or two, -and not of waging War with a Pigmy. Yonder's the -old Gentleman walking by himself in the Gallery; go -and wheedle him, you know his weak side; he's good-natur'd -in the bottom. Stir up his old fatherly Bowels -a little, I'll warrant you'll move him at last: go, get -you gone, and play your Part discreetly.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Well, I'll try; but if Words won't do with -one, Blows shall with t'other; by Heavens, they shall.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit. <span class="antiqua">Oron</span>.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Doris <span class="antiqua">sola</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p>Nay, I reckon we shall have rare work on't bye and -bye. Shield us, kind Heaven! what Things are Men -in love? Now they are Stocks and Stones; then they -are Fire and Quick-silver; first whining and crying, -then swearing and damning: This Moment they are -in Love, and next Moment they are out of Love: Ah—cou'd -we but live without 'em—but 'tis in vain to think -on't.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit.</em></p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_260" id="Page_260">[Pg 260]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Esop</span> at one side of the Stage, Mrs. <span class="antiqua">Forge-will</span> -at t'other.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Forg.</em> Sir, I'm your most devoted Servant! What I -say is no Compliment, I do assure you.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Madam, as far as you are really mine, I believe -I may venture to assure you, I am yours.</p> - -<p><em>Forg.</em> I suppose, Sir, you know that I'm a Widow.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Madam, I don't so much as know you are a -Woman.</p> - -<p><em>Forg.</em> O surprizing! Why, I thought the whole Town -had known it. Sir, I have been a Widow this Twelvemonth.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> If a Body may guess at your Heart by your -Petticoat, Lady, you don't design to be so a Twelvemonth -more.</p> - -<p><em>Forg.</em> O bless me! Not a Twelvemonth! Why, my -Husband has left me four squalling Brats. Besides, Sir, -I'm undone.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> You seem as chearful an undone Lady as I have -met with.</p> - -<p><em>Forg.</em> Alas, Sir, I have too great a Spirit ever to let -Afflictions spoil my Face. Sir, I'll tell you my Condition; -and that will lead me to my Business with you. -Sir, my Husband was a Scriviner.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> The deuce he was: I thought he had been a -Count, at least.</p> - -<p><em>Forg.</em> Sir, it is not the first Time I have been taken -for a Countess; my Mother us'd to say, as I lay in my -Cradle, I had the Air of a Woman of Quality; and -truly I have always liv'd like such. My Husband, indeed, -had something sneaking in him (as most Husbands -have, you know, Sir); but, from the Moment I -set Foot in his House, bless me, what a Change was -there! His Pewter was turn'd into Silver, his Goloshoes -into a Glass Coach, and his little travelling Mare into -a Pair of <em>Flanders</em> Horses. Instead of a greasy Cook-maid -to wait at Table, I had four tall Footmen in clean -Linen; all Things became new and fashionable, and -nothing look'd aukward in my Family. My Furniture<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_261" id="Page_261">[Pg 261]</a></span> -was the Wonder of my Neighbourhood, and my Clothes -the Admiration of the whole Town; I had a Necklace -that was envy'd by the Queen, and a Pair of Pendants -that set a Dutchess a-crying. In a Word, I saw nothing -I lik'd but I bought it; and my Husband, good -Man, durst ne'er refuse paying for't. Thus I liv'd, and -I flourish'd, till he sicken'd and dy'd: but ere he was -cold in his Grave, his Creditors plunder'd my House. -But, what pity it was to see Fellows with dirty Shoes -come into my best Rooms, and touch my Hangings -with their filthy Fingers! You won't blame me, Sir, if, -with all my Courage, I weep at this sensible Part of my -Misfortune.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> A very sad Story, truly!</p> - -<p><em>Forg.</em> But now, Sir, to my Business. Having been -inform'd this Morning, That the King has appointed a -great Sum of Money for the Marriage of young Women -who have liv'd well, and are fallen to decay, I am -come to acquaint you I have two strapping Daughters, -just fit for the Matter, and to desire you'll help 'em to -Portions out of the King's Bounty; that they mayn't -whine and pine, and be eaten up with the Green-sickness, -as half the young Women in the Town are, or -wou'd be, if there were not more Helps for the Disease -than one. This, Sir, is my Business.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> And this, Madam, is my Answer:</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2"><em>A crawling Toad, all speckled o'er,</em><br /></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_262" id="Page_262">[Pg 262]</a></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Vain, gaudy, painted, patch'd——a Whore,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Seeing a well-fed Ox hard by,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Regards him with an envious Eye,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And (as the Poets tell)</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Ye Gods, I cannot bear't, quoth she,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>I'll burst, or be as big as he,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And so began to swell.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>Her Friends and Kindred round her came,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>They shew'd her she was much to blame,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The Thing was out of reach.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>She told 'em they were busy Folk,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And when her Husband wou'd have spoke,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>She bid him kiss her Br——.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>With that they all e'en gave her o'er,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And she persisted as before,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Till with a deal of Strife</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>She swell'd at last so much her Spleen,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>She burst like one that we have seen,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Who was a Scrivener's Wife.</em><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p>This, Widow, I take to be your Case, and that of a -great many others; for this is an Age where most People -get Falls, by clambering too high, to reach at what -they should not do. The Shoemaker's Wife reduces her -Husband to a Cobler, by endeavouring to be as spruce -as the Taylor's: The Taylor's brings hers to a Botcher, -by going as fine as the Mercer's: The Mercer's lowers -hers to a Foreman, by perking up to the Merchant's: -The Merchant's wears hers to a Broker, by strutting up -to Quality: And Quality bring theirs to nothing, by -striving to out-do one another. If Women were humbler, -Men wou'd be honester. Pride brings Want, -Want makes Rogues, Rogues come to be hang'd, and -the Devil alone's the Gainer. Go your ways home, -Woman; and as your Husband maintain'd you by his -Pen, maintain yourself by your Needle; put your great -Girls to service, Imployment will keep them honest; -much Work and plain Diet will cure the Green-Sickness -as well as a Husband——</p> - -<p><em>Forg.</em> Why, you pityful Pigmy; preaching, canting, -Pickthank; you little, sorry, crooked, dry, wither'd -Eunuch, do you know that——</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> I know that I'm so deform'd you han't Wit -enough to describe me: But I have this good Quality, -That a foolish Woman can never make me angry.</p> - -<p><em>Forg.</em> Can't she so? I'll try that, I will.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>She falls -upon him, holds his Hands, and boxes his Ears.</em></p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Help, help, help.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Servants. She runs off, they after her.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Nay, e'en let her go——let her go——don't -bring her back again——I'm for making a Bridge of -Gold for my Enemy to retreat upon——I'm quite out of -Breath——A terrible Woman, I protest.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_263" id="Page_263">[Pg 263]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter a Country Gentleman drunk, in a hunting Dress, -with a Huntsman, Groom, Falconer, and other Servants; -one leading a couple of Hounds, another Grey-Hounds, -a third a Spaniel, a fourth a Gun upon his -Shoulder, the Falconer a Hawk upon his Fist, <span class="antiqua">&c.</span></em> -</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Haux, haux, haux, haux, haux! Joular, there -Boy, Joular, Joular, Tinker, Pedlar, Miss, Miss, Miss, -Miss, Miss—Blood and Oons—O there he is; that -must be he, I have seen his Picture [<em>Reeling upon</em> Esop].—Sir,—if -your Name's <em>Esop</em>—I'm your humble -Servant.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Sir, my Name is <em>Esop</em>, at your Service.</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Why then, Sir—Compliments being past on -both sides, with your leave—we'll proceed to Business. -Sir, I'm by Profession—a Gentleman of—three -thousand Pounds a Year—Sir, I keep a good -Pack of Hounds, a good Stable of Horses. [<em>To his -Groom.</em>] How many Horses have I, Sirrah?—Sir, this -is my Groom.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Presenting him to <span class="antiqua">Esop</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Groom.</em> Your Worship has six Coach-horses, (Cut and -Long-Tail) two Runners, half a dozen Hunters, four -breeding Mares, and two blind Stallions, besides Pads, -Routs, and Dog-Horses.</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Look you there, Sir, I scorn to tell a Lye. -He that questions my Honour—he's a Son of a -Whore. But to Business—Having heard, Sir, that -you were come to this Town, I have taken the Pains to -come hither too, tho' I had a great deal of Business upon -my Hands, for I have appointed three <em>Justices of the -Peace</em> to hunt with 'em this Morning——and be -drunk with 'em in the Afternoon. But the main Chance -must be look'd to—and that's this——I desire, Sir, -you'll tell the King from me—I don't like these Taxes—in -one Word, as well as in twenty—I don't like -these Taxes.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Pray, Sir, how high may you be tax'd?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> How high may I be tax'd, Sir! Why I may be -tax'd, Sir—four Shillings in the Pound, Sir; one half -I pay in Money—and t'other half I pay in Perjury, Sir:<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_264" id="Page_264">[Pg 264]</a></span> -Hey, Joular, Joular, Joular. Haux, haux, haux, haux, -haux. Hoo, hoo——Here's the best Hound-bitch in -<em>Europe</em>——Oons is she. And I had rather kiss her than -kiss my Wife——Rot me if I had not——But, Sir, I -don't like these Taxes.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Why how wou'd you have the War carry'd on?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> War carried on, Sir!—--Why, I had rather -have no War carried on at all, Sir, than pay Taxes. -I don't desire to be ruin'd, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Why you say, you have three thousand Pounds -a Year.</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> And so I have, Sir——<em>Lett-Acre!</em>——Sir, this -is my Steward. How much Land have I, <em>Lett-Acre</em>?</p> - -<p><em>Lett-Acre.</em> Your Worship has three thausand Paunds -a Year, as good Lond as any's i'th' Caunty; and two -thausand Paunds worth of Wood to cut dawne at your -Worship's Pleasure, and put the Money in your Pocket.</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Look you there, Sir, what have you to say to -that?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> I have to say, Sir, that you may pay your Taxes -in Money, instead of Perjury, and still have a better Revenue -than I'm afraid you deserve. What Service do -you do your King, Sir?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> None at all, Sir—I'm above it.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> What Service may you do your Country, pray?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> I'm Justice of the Peace——and Captain of -the Militia.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Of what use are you to your Kindred?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> I'm the Head of the Family, and have all the -Estate.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> What Good do you do your Neighbours?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> I give them their Bellies full of Beef every time -they come to see me; and make 'em so drunk, they spew -it up again before they go away.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> How do you use your Tenants?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Why, I skrew up their Rents till they break -and run away, and if I catch 'em again, I let 'em rot -in a Gaol.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> How do you treat your Wife?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_265" id="Page_265">[Pg 265]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> I treat her all Day with Ill-nature and Tobacco, -and all Night with snoring and a dirty Shirt.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> How do you breed your Children?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> I breed my eldest Son——a Fool; my youngest -breed themselves, and my Daughters——have no -Breeding at all.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> 'Tis very well, Sir; I shall be sure to speak to -the King of you; or if you think fit to remonstrate to -him, by way of Petition or Address, how reasonable it -may be to let Men of your Importance go Scot-free, in -the Time of a necessary War, I'll deliver it in Council, -and speak to it as I ought.</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Why, Sir, I don't disapprove your Advice, -but my Clerk is not here, and I can't spell well.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> You may get it writ at your leisure, and send -it me. But because you are not much used to draw up -Addresses, perhaps; I'll tell you in general what kind -of one this ought to be.</p> -<hr class="tb" /> -<p><em>May it please your Majesty</em>——</p> - -<p><em>To the Gent.</em>] You'll excuse me, if I don't know your -Name and Title.</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Sir <em>Polydorus Hogstye</em>, of <em>Beast-Hall</em> in <em>Swine-County</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Very well.</p> - -<p><em>May it please your Majesty; <span class="antiqua">Polydorus Hogstye</span>, of -<span class="antiqua">Beast-hall</span> in <span class="antiqua">Swine-County</span>, most humbly represents, That -he hates to pay Taxes, the dreadful Consequences of 'em being -inevitably these, That he must retrench two Dishes in -ten, where not above six of 'em are design'd for Gluttony.</em></p> - -<p><em>Four Bottles out of twenty; where not above fifteen of -'em are for Drunkenness.</em></p> - -<p><em>Six Horses out of thirty; of which not above twenty -are kept for State.</em></p> - -<p><em>And four Servants out of a Score; where one half do -nothing but make Work for t'other.</em></p> - -<p><em>To this deplorable Condition must your important Subject -be reduc'd, or forc'd to cut down his Timber, which he -wou'd willingly persevere against an ill run at Dice.</em></p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_266" id="Page_266">[Pg 266]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>And as to the Necessity of the War for the Security of the -Kingdom, he neither knows nor cares whether it be necessary -or not.</em></p> - -<p><em>He concludes with his Prayers for your Majesty's Life, -upon Condition you will protect him and his Fox Hounds at -Beast-Hall, without e'er a Penny of Money.</em></p> - -<p><em>To the Gent.</em>] This, Sir, I suppose, is much what you -wou'd be at.</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Exactly, Sir; I'll be sure to have one drawn up -to the self-same purpose: and next Fox-Hunting I'll -engage half the Company shall set their Hands to't. -Sir, I am your——most devoted Servant; and if you -please to let me see you at <em>Beast-Hall</em>, here's my Huntsman, -<em>Houndsfoot</em>, will shew you a Fox shall lead you -through so many Hedges and Briars, you shall have no -more Clothes on your Back in half an Hour's Time—than -you had——in the Womb of your Mother. Haux, -haux, haux, &c.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit shouting.</em></p> - -<p>Esop. <em>O Tempora, O Mores!</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Mr. <span class="antiqua">Fruitful</span> and his Wife.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Mr. Fruit.</em> Heavens preserve the noble <em>Esop</em>, grant -him long Life and happy Days.</p> - -<p><em>Mrs. Fruit.</em> And send him a fruitful Wife, with a -hopeful Issue!</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> And what is it I'm to do for you, good People, -to make you amends for all these friendly Wishes?</p> - -<p><em>Mr. Fruit.</em> Sir, here's myself and my Wife—</p> - -<p><em>Mrs. Fruit.</em> Sir, here's I and my Husband—[<em>To her -Husband.</em>] Let me speak in my turn, Goodman <em>Forward</em>. -[<em>To <span class="antiqua">Esop</span>.</em>] Sir, here's I and my Husband, I say, -think we have as good Pretensions to the King's Favour -as ever a Lord in the Land.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> If you have no better than some Lords in the -Land, I hope you won't expect much for your Service.</p> - -<p><em>Mr. Fruit.</em> An't please you, you shall be Judge yourself.</p> - -<p><em>Mrs. Fruit.</em> That's as he gives Sentence, Mr. <em>Littlewit</em>; -who gave you Power to come to a Reference? If -he does not do us right, the King himself shall; what's -to be done here! [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Esop</span>.</em>] Sir, I'm forc'd to correct<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_267" id="Page_267">[Pg 267]</a></span> -my Husband a little; poor Man, he is not us'd to Court-Business; -but to give him his due, he's ready enough -at some Things: Sir, I have had twenty fine Children -by him; fifteen of 'em are alive, and alive like to be; -five tall Daughters are wedded and bedded, and ten -proper Sons serve their King and their Country.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> A goodly Company, upon my Word!</p> - -<p><em>Mrs. Fruit.</em> Would all Men take as much Pains for -the peopling of the Kingdom, we might tuck up our -Aprons, and cry, A Fig for our Enemies; but we have -such a Parcel of Drones amongst us——Hold up your -Head, Husband——He's a little out of Countenance, -Sir, because I chid him; but the Man is a very good -Man at the Bottom. But to come to my Business, Sir, -I hope his Majesty will think it reasonable to allow me -something for the Service I have done him; 'tis pity but -Labour shou'd be encourag'd, especially when what one -has done, one has done't with a Good-will.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> What Profession are you of, good People?</p> - -<p><em>Mrs. Fruit.</em> My Husband's an Inn-keeper, Sir; he -bears the Name, but I govern the House.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> And what Posts are your Sons in, in the Service?</p> - -<p><em>Mrs. Fruit.</em>. Sir, there are four Monks.</p> - -<p><em>Mr. Fruit.</em> Three Attorneys.</p> - -<p><em>Mrs. Fruit.</em> Two Scriveners.</p> - -<p><em>Mr. Fruit.</em> And an Exciseman.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> The deuce o'the Service; why, I thought they -had been all in the Army.</p> - -<p><em>Mrs. Fruit.</em> Not one, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> No, so it seems, by my Troth: Ten Sons that -serve their Country, quotha! Monks, Attorneys, Scriveners -and Excisemen, serve their Country with a Vengeance: -you deserve to be rewarded, truly; you deserve -to be hang'd, you wicked People, you. Get you gone -out of my sight: I never was so angry in my Life.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Esop</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Mr. Fruit. to his Wife.</em>] So; who's in the right now, -you or I? I told you what wou'd come on't; you must be -always a Breeding, and Breeding, and the King wou'd<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_268" id="Page_268">[Pg 268]</a></span> -take Care of 'em, and the Queen wou'd take Care of -'em: And always some Pretence or other there was. -But now we have got a great Kennel of Whelps, and -the Devil will take Care of 'em, for aught I see. For -your Sons are all Rogues, and your Daughters are all -Whores; you know they are.</p> - -<p><em>Mrs. Fruit.</em> What, you are a grudging of your Pains -now, you lazy, sluggish, flegmatick Drone. You have -a Mind to die of a Lethargy, have you? but I'll raise -your Spirits for you, I will so. Get you gone home, -go; go home, you idle Sot, you; I'll raise your Spirits -for you.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit, pushing him before her.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Re-enter <span class="antiqua">Esop</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Esop. solus.</em>] Monks, Attorneys, Scriveners, and Excisemen!</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Oronces</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> O here he is. Sir, I have been searching for -you, to say two Words to you.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> And now you have found me, Sir, what are -they?</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> They are, Sir——that my Name's Oronces: -You comprehend me.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> I comprehend your Name.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> And not my Business?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Not I, by my Troth.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Then I shall endeavour to teach it you, Monsieur -<em>Esop</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> And I to learn it, Monsieur <em>Oronces</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Know, Sir——that I admire <em>Euphronia</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Know, Sir——that you are in the right on't.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> But I pretend, Sir, that Nobody else shall admire -her.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Then I pretend, Sir, she won't admire you.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Why so, Sir?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Because, Sir——</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> What, Sir?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> She's a Woman, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> What then, Sir?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_269" id="Page_269">[Pg 269]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Why, then, Sir, she desires to be admir'd by -every Man she meets.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Sir, you are too familiar.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Sir, you are too haughty; I must soften that -harsh Tone of yours: It don't become you, Sir; it -makes a Gentleman appear a Porter, Sir: And that -you may know the Use of good Language, I'll tell you -what once happen'd. <em>Once an a Time</em>——</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> I'll have none of your old Wives Fables, Sir, -I have no Time to lose; therefore, in a Word——</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> In a Word, be mild: For nothing else will do -you Service. Good Manners and soft Words have -brought many a difficult Thing to pass. Therefore -hear me patiently.</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2"><em>A Cook one Day, who had been drinking,</em><br /></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_270" id="Page_270">[Pg 270]</a></span> -<span class="i0"><em>(Only as many Times, you know,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>You spruce, young, witty Beaux will do,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To avoid the dreadful Pain of thinking)</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Had Orders sent him to behead</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>A Goose, like any Chaplain fed.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He took such Pains to set his Knife right,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>'T had done one good t'have lost one's Life by't.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But many Men have many Minds,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>There's various Tastes in various Kinds:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>A Swan (who by Mistake he seiz'd)</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>With wretched Life was better pleas'd:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>For as he went to give the Blow,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>In tuneful Notes she let him know,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>She neither was a Goose, nor wish'd</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To make her <span class="antiqua">Exit</span> so.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>The Cook (who thought of nought but Blood,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Except it were the Grease,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>For that you know's his Fees)</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To hear her sing, in great Amazement stood.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Cod's fish! quoth he, 'twas well you spoke,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>For I was just upon the Stroke:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Your Feathers have so much of Goose,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>A drunken Cook cou'd do no less</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Than think you one: That you'll confess:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But y' have a Voice so soft, so sweet,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>That rather than you shall be eat,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The House shall starve for want of Meat:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And so he turn'd her loose.</em><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>To <span class="antiqua">Oron</span>.</em>] Now, Sir, what say you? will you be the -Swan, or the Goose?</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Oron.</em> The Choice can't, sure, be difficult to make;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I hope you will excuse my youthful Heat,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Young Men and Lovers have a Claim to Pardon:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But since the Faults of Age have no such Plea,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I hope you'll be more cautious of offending.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The Flame that warms <em>Euphronia</em>'s Heart and mine,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Has long, alas! been kindled in our Breasts:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Even Years are past since our two Souls were wed,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">'Twou'd be Adultery but to wish to part 'em.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And wou'd a Lump of Clay alone content you,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A Mistress cold and senseless in your Arms,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Without the least Remains or Signs of Life,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Except her Sighs to mourn her absent Lover?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Whilst you shou'd press her in your eager Arms,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">With fond Desire and Extasy of Love,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Wou'd it not pierce you to the very Soul,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To see her Tears run trickling down her Cheeks,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And know their Fountain meant 'em all to me?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Cou'd you bear this?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Yet thus the Gods revenge themselves on those<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Who stop the happy Course of mutual Love.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If you must be unfortunate one way,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Choose that where Justice may support your Grief,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And shun the weighty Curse of injur'd Lovers.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Esop.</em> Why, this is pleading like a Swan, indeed!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Were any Thing at Stake but my <em>Euphronia</em>——<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Oron.</em> Your <em>Euphronia</em>! Sir——<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Esop.</em> The Goose——take heed——<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Were any Thing, I say, at Stake but her,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Your Plea wou'd be too strong to be refus'd.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But our Debate's about a Lady, Sir,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That's young, that's beautiful, that's made for Love.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">----So am not I, you'll say: But you're mistaken;<br /></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_271" id="Page_271">[Pg 271]</a></span> -<span class="i0">I'm made to love, tho' not to be belov'd.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I have a Heart like yours; I've Folly too:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I've every Instrument of Love like others.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Oron.</em> But, Sir, you have not been so long a Lover;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Your Passion's young and tender,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">'Tis easy for you to become its Master:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Whilst I shou'd strive in vain; mine's old and fixt.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> The older 'tis, the easier to be govern'd; -Were mine of as long a standing, 'twere possible I might -get the better on't. Old Passions are like old Men; -weak, and soon jostled into the Kennel.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Yet Age sometimes is strong, even to the Verge -of Life.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Ah, but there our Comparison don't hold.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> You are too merry to be much in Love.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> And you too sad to be so long.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> My grief may end my Days, so quench my -Flame, but nothing else can e'er extinguish it.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Don't be discourag'd, Sir, I have seen many a -Man outlive his Passion twenty Years.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> But I have sworn to die <em>Euphronia</em>'s Slave.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> A decay'd Face always absolves a Lover's Oath.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Lovers whose Oaths are made to Faces, then; -But 'tis <em>Euphronia</em>'s Soul that I adore, which never can -decay.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> I wou'd fain see a young Fellow in love with a -Soul of Threescore.</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Oron.</em> Quit but <em>Euphronia</em> to me, and you shall;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">At least if Heaven's Bounty will afford us<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But Years, enow to prove my Constancy,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And this is all I ask the Gods and you.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Oron</span>.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em><span class="antiqua">Esop</span> solus.</em> -</p> - -<p>A good Pretence, however, to beg long Life. How -grosly do the Inclinations of the Flesh impose upon the -Simplicity of the Spirit! Had this young Fellow but -study'd Anatomy, he'd have found the Source of his -Passion lay far from his Mistress's Soul. Alas! alas! -Had Women no more Charms in their Bodies, than what -they have in their Minds, we should see more wise Men -in the World, and much fewer Lovers and Poets.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_272" id="Page_272">[Pg 272]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit.</em></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-286.jpg" width="700" height="41" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="ACT_V4" id="ACT_V4"><em class="gesperrt">ACT</em> V.</a></h3> - - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Euphronia</span> and <span class="antiqua">Doris</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> <span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">H</span>eavens!</span> what is't you make me do, <em>Doris</em>? -Apply myself to the Man I loath; beg Favours -from him I hate; seek a Reprieve from him I abhor; -'tis low, 'tis mean, 'tis base in me.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Why, you hate the Devil as much as you do -<em>Esop</em>, or within a small Matter, and should you think it -a Scandal to pray him to let you alone a Day or two, if -he were going to run away with you; ha?</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> I don't know what I think, nor what I say, -nor what I do: But sure thou'rt not my Friend thus to -advise me.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> I advise! I advise nothing; e'en follow your -own way; marry him, and make much of him. I have -a mind to see some of his Breed; if you like it, I like -it: He shan't breed out of me only; that's all I have -to take Care of.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Pr'ythee don't distract me.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Why, to-morrow's the Day, fix'd and firm, you -know it; much Meat, little Order, great many Relations, -few Friends, Horse-play, Noise, and bawdy Stories; -all's ready for a complete Wedding.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Oh! what shall I do?</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Nay, I know this makes you tremble; and yet -your tender Conscience scruples to drop one hypocritical -Curtsy, and say, Pray, Mr. <em>Esop</em>, be so kind to -defer it a few Days longer.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Thou know'st I cannot dissemble.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> I know you can dissemble well enough, when -you shou'd not do't. Do you remember how you us'd -to plague your poor <em>Oronces</em>; make him believe you -loath'd him, when you cou'd have kiss'd the Ground he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_273" id="Page_273">[Pg 273]</a></span> -went on; affront him in all publick Places; ridicule -him in all Company; abuse him wherever you went -And when you had reduc'd him within an Ace of hanging -or drowning, then come home with Tears in your -Eyes, and cry, Now, <em>Doris</em>, let's go lock ourselves up, -and talk of my dear <em>Oronces</em>: Is not this true?</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Yes, yes, yes. But, pr'ythee, have some Compassion -of me. Come, I'll do any thing thou bid'st me——What -shall I say to this Monster? Tell me, and -I'll obey thee.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Nay, then there's some hopes of you. Why, -you must tell him——'Tis natural to you to dislike -Folks at first sight: That since you have consider'd him -better, you find your Aversion abated: That tho' perhaps -it may be a hard Matter for you ever to think him -a Beau, you don't despair, in Time, of finding out his -<em>Je-ne-sçai-quoy</em>. And that on t'other side, tho' you -have hitherto thought (as most young Women do) that -nothing cou'd remove your first Affection, yet you have -very great Hopes in the natural Inconstancy of your -Sex. Tell him, 'tis not impossible, a Change may -happen, provided he gives you Time: But that if he -goes to force you, there's another Piece of Nature peculiar -to Women, which may chance to spoil all, and -that's Contradiction. Ring that Argument well in his -Ears: He's a Philosopher; he knows it has Weight in -it. In short, wheedle, whine, flatter, lye, weep, -spare nothing; 'tis a moist Age, Women have Tears -enow; and when you have melted him down, and -gain'd more Time, we'll employ it in Closet-debates, -how to cheat him to the end of the Chapter.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> But you don't consider, <em>Doris</em>, that by this -Means I engage myself to him; and can't afterwards -with Honour retreat.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Madam, I know the World—Honour's a Jest, -when Jilting's useful. Besides, he that wou'd have you -break your Oath with <em>Oronces</em>, can never have the Impudence -to blame you, for cracking your Word with -himself. But who knows what may happen between -the Cup and the Lip? Let either of the old Gentlemen<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_274" id="Page_274">[Pg 274]</a></span> -die, and we ride triumphant. Wou'd I could but see -the Statesman sick a little, I'd recommend a Doctor to -him, a Cousin of mine, a Man of Conscience, a wise -Physician; tip but the Wink, he understands you.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Thou wicked Wench, wou'd'st poison him?</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> I don't know what I wou'd do; I think, I study, -I invent, and somehow I will get rid of him. I do more -for you, I'm sure, than you and your Knight-Errant do -together for yourselves.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Alas, both he and I do all we can; thou -know'st we do.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Nay, I know y' are willing enough to get together; -but y' are a couple of helpless Things, Heaven -knows.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Our Stars, thou see'st, are bent to Opposition.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Stars!—I'd fain see the Stars hinder me from -running away with a Man I lik'd.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Ay, but thou know'st, should I disoblige my -Father, he'd give my Portion to my younger Sister.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Ay, there the Shoe pinches, there's the Love of -the Age! Ah!—--to what an Ebb of Passion are Lovers -sunk in these Days! Give me a Woman that runs -away with a Man, when his whole Estate's pack'd up -in his Knap-sack: That tucks up her Coats to her Knees; -and thro' thick and thro' thin, from Quarters to Camp, -trudges heartily on; with a Child at her Back, another -in her Arms, and a Brace in her Belly: There's Flame -with a Witness, where this is the Effects on't. But we -must have Love in a Feather-bed: Forsooth, a Coach -and six Horses, clean Linen, and Cawdle! Fie for -shame. O ho! here comes our Man. Now shew yourself -a Woman, if you are one.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Esop</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> I'm told, fair Virgin, you desire to speak with -me. Lovers are apt to flatter themselves; I take your -Message for a Favour. I hope 'twas meant so.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Favours from Women are so cheap of late, -Men may expect 'em truly, without Vanity.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> If the Women are so liberal, I think the Men -are generous too, on their Side: 'Tis a well-bred Age;<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_275" id="Page_275">[Pg 275]</a></span> -thank Heaven; and a deal of Civility there passes between -the two Sexes. What Service is't that I can do -you, Lady?</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Sir, I have a small Favour to intreat you.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> What is't? I don't believe I shall refuse you.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> What if you shou'd promise me you won't?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Why then I shou'd make a Divorce between my -Good-breeding and my Sense, which ought to be as sacred -a Knot as that of Wedlock.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Dare you not trust then, Sir, the Thing you love?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Not when the Thing I love don't love me: Never.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> Trust is sometimes the Way to be belov'd.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Ay, but 'tis oftener the way to be cheated.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Pray promise me you'll grant my Suit.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> 'Tis a reasonable one, I'll give you my word for't.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> If it be so, I do promise to grant it.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> That's still leaving yourself Judge.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Why, who's more concern'd in the Trial?</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> But no Body ought to be Judge in their own Cause.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Yet he that is so, is sure to have no wrong done -him.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> But if he does wrong to others, that's worse.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Worse for them, but not for him.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> True Politician, by my troth!</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Men must be so, when they have to do with -Sharpers.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> If I shou'd tell you then there were a Possibility -I might be brought to love you, you'd scarce believe me.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> I shou'd hope as a Lover, and suspect as a Statesman.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Love and Wisdom! There's the Passion -of the Age again.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> You have liv'd long, Sir, and observ'd much: -Did you never see Time produce strange Changes?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Amongst Women, I must confess I have.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Why, I'm a Woman, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Why, truly, that gives me some Hopes.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> I'll encrease 'em, Sir; I have already been in -Love two Years.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> And Time, you know, wears all things to tatters.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_276" id="Page_276">[Pg 276]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Well observ'd.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> What, if you shou'd allow me some, to try what -I can do?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Why, truly, I would have Patience a Day or -two, if there was as much Probability of my being your -new Gallant, as perhaps there may be of changing your -old one.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> She shall give you fair Play for't, Sir; Opportunity -and Leave to prattle, and that's what carries most -Women in our Days. Nay, she shall do more for you: -You shall play with her Fan; squeeze her little Finger; -buckle her Shoe; read a Romance to her in the Arbour; -and saunter in the Woods on a Moonshiny Night. -If this don't melt her, she's no Woman, or you're no -Man——</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> I'm not a Man to melt a Woman that Way: I -know myself, and know what they require. 'Tis thro' -a Woman's Eye you pierce her Heart; and I've no -Darts can make their Entrance there.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> You are a great Statesman, Sir; but I find you -know little of our Matters. A Woman's Heart is to be -enter'd forty Ways. Every Sense she has about her keeps -a Door to it. With a Smock-face, and a Feather, you -get in at her Eyes. With powerful Nonsense, in soft -Words, you creep in at her Ears. An essenc'd Peruke, -and a sweet Handkerchief, lets you in at her Nose. -With a Treat, and a Box full of Sweetmeats, you slip in -at her Mouth: And if you wou'd enter by her Sense of -Feeling, 'tis as beaten a Road as the rest. What think -you now, Sir? <em>There are more Ways to the Wood than one</em>, -you see.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Why, you're an admirable Pilot; I don't doubt -but you have steer'd many a Ship safe to Harbour: But -I'm an old stubborn Seaman; I must sail by my own -Compass still.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> And by your Obstinacy lose your Vessel.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> No: I'm just ent'ring into Port; we'll be married -to-morrow.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> For Heaven's sake defer it some Days longer; -I cannot love you yet; indeed, I cannot.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_277" id="Page_277">[Pg 277]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Nor never will, I dare swear.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Why then will you marry me?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Because I love you.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> If you lov'd me, you wou'd never make me -miserable.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Not if I lov'd you for your sake; but I love you -for my own.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] There's an old Rogue for you.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> [<em>Weeping.</em>] Is there no way left? must I be -wretched?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> 'Tis but resolving to be pleas'd. You can't -imagine the Strength of Resolution. I have seen a Woman -resolve to be in the Wrong all the Days of her Life; -and by the help of her Resolution, she has kept her Word -to a Tittle.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Methinks the Subject we're upon shou'd be of -Weight enough to make you serious.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Right: To-morrow Morning pray be ready; -you'll find me so: I'm serious. Now I hope you are -pleas'd.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Turning away from her.</em></p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> [<em>Going off weeping, and leaning upon <span class="antiqua">Doris</span>.</em>] -Break, Heart! for if than hold'st, I'm miserable.</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Esop</span>.</em>] Now may the Extravagance of a lewd -Wife, with the Insolence of a virtuous one, join hand -in hand to bring thy grey Hairs to the Grave.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt <span class="antiqua">Euphronia</span> and <span class="antiqua">Doris</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> My old Friend wishes me well to the last, I see.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Learchus</span> hastily, follow'd by <span class="antiqua">Oronces</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Pray hear me, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> 'Tis in vain; I'm resolv'd, I tell you. Most noble -<em>Esop</em>, since you are pleas'd to accept of my poor Offspring -for your Consort, be so charitable to my old Age, -to deliver me from the Impertinence of Youth, by making -her your Wife this Instant; for there's a Plot against -my Life; they have resolv'd to teaze me to Death to-night, -that they may break the Match to-morrow Morning. -Marry her this instant, I intreat you.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> This instant, say you!</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> This instant; this very instant.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_278" id="Page_278">[Pg 278]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> 'Tis enough; get all things ready; I'll be with -you in a Moment.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Esop</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Now, what say you, Mr. <em>Flame-fire</em>? I shall -have the Whip-hand of you presently.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Defer it till to-morrow, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> That you may run away with her to-night; ha?——Sir, -your most obedient humble Servant. Hey, -who waits there? Call my Daughter to me: Quick. I'll -give her her Dispatches presently.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Euphronia</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> D'ye call, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Yes, I do, Minx. Go shift yourself, and put -on your best Clothes. You are to be marry'd.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Marry'd, Sir!</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Yes, marry'd, Madam; and that this Instant too.</p> - -<p><em>Euph.</em> Dear Sir——</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Not a Word: Obedience and a clean Smock; -dispatch.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Euphronia</span> weeping.</em></p> - -<p><em><span class="antiqua">Learchus</span> going off, turns to <span class="antiqua">Oronces</span>.</em>] Sir, your most -obedient humble Servant.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Yet hear what I've to say.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> And what have you to say, Sir?</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Alas! I know not what I have to say!</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Very like so. That's a sure Sign he's in love now.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Have you no Bowels?</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Ha, ha! Bowels in a Parent! Here's a young -Fellow for you. Hark thee, Stripling; being in a very -merry Humour, I don't care if I discover some paternal -Secrets to thee. Know then, that how humoursome, -how whimsical soever we may appear, there's one fixt -Principle that runs thro' almost the whole Race of us; -and that's to please ourselves. Why do'st think I got -my Daughter? Why, there was something in't that pleased -me. Why dost think I marry my Daughter? Why -to please myself still. And what is't that pleases me? -Why, my Interest; what do'st think it shou'd be? If -<em>Esop</em>'s my Son-in-Law, he'll make me a Lord: If thou -art my Son-in-Law——thou'lt make me a Grandfather. -Now I having more Mind to be a Lord than<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_279" id="Page_279">[Pg 279]</a></span> -a Grandfather, give my Daughter to him, and not to -thee.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Then shall her Happiness weigh nothing with -you?</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Not this.—If it did, I'd give her to thee, and -not to him.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Do you think forc'd Marriage the Way to keep -Women virtuous?</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> No; nor I don't Care whether Women are virtuous -or not.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> You know your Daughter loves me?</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> I do so.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> What, if the Children that <em>Esop</em> may happen to -father, shou'd chance to be begot by me?</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Why, then <em>Esop</em> wou'd be the Cuckold, not I.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Is that all your Care?</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Yes: I speak as a Father.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> What think you of your Child's Concern in -t'other World?</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Why, I think it my Child's Concern, not mine. -I speak as a Father.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Do you remember you once gave me your Consent -to wed your Daughter?</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> I did.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Why did you so?</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Because you were the best Match that offer'd at -that Time. I did like a Father.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Why then, Sir, I'll do like a Lover. I'll make -you keep your Word, or cut your Throat.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Who waits there, ha?</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Servants.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Seize me that Bully there. Carry him to Prison, -and keep him safe.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>They seize him.</em></p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Why, you won't use me thus?</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Yes, but I will tho': Away with him. Sir, -your most humble Servant: I wish you a good Night's -Rest; and as far as a merry Dream goes, my Daughter's -at your Service.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Death and Furies!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_280" id="Page_280">[Pg 280]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt Serv. with <span class="antiqua">Oron</span>.</em></p> - -<p>Lear. [singing.] <em>Dol, de tol dol, dol, de tol dol, Lilly -Burleighre's lodg'd in a Bough.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter a Troop of Musicians, Dancers, <span class="antiqua">&c.</span></em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> How now! What have we got here?</p> - -<p><em>Mus.</em> Sir, we are a Troop of trifling Fellows, Fiddlers -and Dancers, come to celebrate the Wedding of your fair -Daughter, if your Honour pleases to give us Leave.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> With all my Heart: But who do you take me -for, Sir; ha?</p> - -<p><em>1 Mus.</em> I take your Honour for our noble Governor of -<em>Sysicus</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Governor of <em>Sysicus</em>! Governor of a Cheese-Cake! -I'm Father-in-Law to the great <em>Esop</em>, Sirrah. [<em>All -bow to him.</em>] [<em>Aside.</em>]——I shall be a great Man. Come, -tune your Fiddles; shake your Legs; get all things -ready. My Son-in-Law will be here presently——I -shall be a great Man!</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit.</em></p> - -<p><em>1 Mus.</em> A great Marriage, Brother! What do'st think -will be the End on't?</p> - -<p><em>2 Mus.</em> Why, I believe we shall see three Turns upon't. -This old Fellow here will turn Fool; his Daughter will -turn Strumpet; and his Son-in-Law will turn 'em both -out of Doors. But that's nothing to thee nor me, so -long as we are paid for our Fiddling. So tune away, -Gentlemen.</p> - -<p><em>1 Mus.</em> D'ye hear, Trumpets? When the Bride appears, -salute her with a melancholy Waft. 'Twill suit -her Humour; for I guess she mayn't be over-well pleas'd.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Learchus</span> with several Friends, and a Priest.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Gentlemen and Friends, y'are all welcome. I -have sent to as many of you as our short Time wou'd -give me Leave, to desire you wou'd be Witnesses of the -Honour the great <em>Esop</em> designs ourself and Family. -Hey; who attends there? Go let my Daughter know -I wait for her. [<em>Exit Servant.</em>] 'Tis a vast Honour that -is done me, Gentlemen!</p> - -<p><em>2 Gent.</em> It is, indeed, my Lord.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Look you there; if they don't call me -my Lord already——I shall be a great Man!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_281" id="Page_281">[Pg 281]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Euphronia</span> weeping, and leaning upon <span class="antiqua">Doris</span>, both -in deep Mourning.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> How now! What's here! All in deep Mourning! -Here's a provoking Baggage for you!</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>The Trumpets sound a melancholy Air till <span class="antiqua">Esop</span> appears; -and then the Violins and Hautboys strike up a <span class="antiqua">Lancashire</span> -Hornpipe.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Esop</span> in a gay foppish Dress, Long Peruke, &c. a -gaudy Equipage of Pages and Footmen, all enter in an -airy brisk Manner.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> <em>in an affected Tone to <span class="antiqua">Euphronia</span>.</em>] Gad take my -Soul, Ma'am, I hope I shall please you now——Gentlemen -all, I'm your humble Servant. I'm going to be a -very happy Man, you see. [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Euph</span>.</em>] When the Heat -of the Ceremony's over, if your Ladyship pleases, Ma'am, -I'll wait upon you to take the Air in the Park. Hey, -Page; let there be a Coach and six Horses ready instantly. -[<em>Observing her Dress.</em>]——I vow to Gad, Ma'am, I -was so taken up with my good Fortune, I did not observe -the extreme Fancy of your Ladyship's Wedding-Clothes——Infinitely -pretty! as I hope to be sav'd; a World of -Variety, and not at all gaudy.——[<em>To <span class="antiqua">Lear</span>.</em>] My dear -Father-in-Law, embrace me.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Your Lordship does me too much Honour. -[<em>Aside.</em>]——I shall be a great Man!</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Come, Gentlemen, are all things ready? Where's -the Priest?</p> - -<p><em>Priest.</em> Here, my noble Lord.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Most Reverend——will you please to say -Grace that I may fall to, for I am very hungry, and here's -very good Meat. But where's my Rival all this while? -The least we can do, is to invite him to the Wedding.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> My Lord, he's in Prison.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> In Prison! How so?</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> He wou'd have murder'd me.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> A bloody Fellow! But let's see him, however. -Send for him quickly. Ha! Governor——that handsome -Daughter of yours, I will so mumble her——</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> I shall be a great Man!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_282" id="Page_282">[Pg 282]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Oronces</span> pinion'd and guarded.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> O ho, here's my Rival! Then we have all we -want. Advance, Sir, if you please. I desire you'll do -me the Favour to be a Witness to my Marriage, lest one -of these Days you shou'd take a fancy to dispute my Wife -with me.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Do you then send for me to insult me? 'Tis -base in you.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> I have no Time now to throw away upon Points -of Generosity; I have hotter Work upon my Hands. -Come, Priest, advance.</p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> Pray, hold him fast there; he has the Devil and -all of Mischief in's Eye.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Euph</span>.</em>] Will your Ladyship please, Ma'am, -to give me your fair Hand——Hey-dey!</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>She refuses her Hand.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lear.</em> I'll give it you, my noble Lord, if she won't. -[<em>Aside.</em>] A stubborn, self-will'd, stiff-neck'd Strumpet.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em><span class="antiqua">Learchus</span> holds out her Hand to <span class="antiqua">Esop</span>, who takes it; -<span class="antiqua">Oronces</span> stands on <span class="antiqua">Esop</span>'s left Hand, and the Priest -before 'em.</em></p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Let my Rival stand next me: Of all Men, I'd -have him be satisfy'd.</p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> Barbarous, inhuman Monster!</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Now, Priest, do thy Office.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Flourish with the Trumpets.</em></p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Priest.</em> Since the eternal Laws of Fate decreed,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That he thy Husband, she thy Wife shou'd be,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">May Heaven take you to its Care,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">May <em>Jupiter</em> look kindly down, <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Place on your Heads Contentment's Crown! <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">And may his Godhead never frown <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Upon this happy Pair.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Flourish again of Trumpets.</em></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>As the Priest pronounces the last Line, <span class="antiqua">Esop</span> joins <span class="antiqua">Oronces</span> -and <span class="antiqua">Euphronia</span>'s Hands.</em></p> - -<p><em>Oron.</em> O happy Change! Blessings on Blessings wait -on the generous <em>Esop</em>!</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Esop.</em> Happy, thrice happy, may you ever be, <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">And if you think there's something due to me, <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Pay it in mutual Love and Constancy. <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -</div></div> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_283" id="Page_283">[Pg 283]</a></span></p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Euph.</em> <em>to <span class="antiqua">Esop</span>.</em>] You'll pardon me, most generous Man,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If in the present Transports of my Soul,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Which you yourself have by your Bounty caus'd,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">My willing Tongue is ty'd from uttering<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The Thoughts that flow from a most grateful Heart.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Esop.</em> For what I've done, I merit little Thanks,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Since what I've done, my Duty bound me to.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I wou'd your Father had acquitted his:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But he who's such a Tyrant o'er his Children,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To sacrifice their Peace to his Ambition,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Is fit to govern nothing but himself.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>To <span class="antiqua">Lear</span>.</em>] And, therefore, Sir, at my return to Court,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I shall take care this City may be sway'd<br /></span> -<span class="i0">By more Humanity than dwells in you.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Lear. aside.</em>] I shall be a great man!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Euph. To <span class="antiqua">Esop</span>.</em>] Had I not Reason, from your constant Goodness,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To judge your Bounty, Sir, is infinite,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I shou'd not dare to sue for farther Favours:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But pardon me, if imitating Heaven and you,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I easily forgive my aged Father,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And beg that <em>Esop</em> would forgive him too.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Kneeling to him.</em></p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> The Injury he wou'd have done to you was -great indeed: But 'twas a Blessing he design'd for me. -If, therefore, you can pardon him, I may. [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Lear</span>.</em>] -Your injur'd Daughter, Sir, has on her Knees intreated -for her cruel, barbarous Father; and by her Goodness -has obtain'd her Suit. If, in the Remnant of your -Days, you can find out some way to recompense her, -do it, that Men and Gods may pardon you, as she and -I have done. But, let me see, I have one Quarrel still -to make up. Where's my old Friend <em>Doris</em>?</p> - -<p><em>Dor.</em> She's here, Sir, at your Service; and as much -your Friend as ever; true to her Principles, and firm to -her Mistress. But she has a much better Opinion of -you now than she had half an Hour ago.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> She has reason: For my Soul appear'd then as -deform'd as my Body. But I hope now, one may so far -mediate for t'other, that, provided I don't make Love,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_284" id="Page_284">[Pg 284]</a></span> -the Women won't quarrel with me; for they are worse -Enemies even than they are Friends. Come, Gentlemen, -I'll humour my Dress a little longer, and share -with you in the Diversions these boon Companions have -prepar'd us. Let's take our Places, and see how they -can divert us.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em><span class="antiqua">Esop</span> leads the Bride to her Place. All being seated, -there's a short Concert of Hautboys, Trumpets, &c. -After which a Dance between an old Man and a young -Woman, who shuns him still at he comes near her. -At last he stops, and begins this Dialogue, which -they sing together.</em></p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i20">Old Man.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Why so cold, and why so coy?</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>What I want in Youth and Fire,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>I have in Love and in Desire:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To my Arms, my Love, my Joy!</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Why so cold, and why so coy?</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i20">Woman.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>'Tis Sympathy, perhaps, with you;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>You are cold, and I'm so too.</em>.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i20">Old Man.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>My Years alone have froze my Blood;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Youthful Heat in Female Charms,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Glowing in my aged Arms,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Wou'd melt it down once more into a Flood.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i20">Woman.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Women, alas, like Flints, ne'er burn alone;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To make a Virgin know</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>There's Fire within the Stone,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Some manly Steel must boldly strike the Blow.</em><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i20">Old Man.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Assist me only with your Charms,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>You'll find I'm Man, and still am bold;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>You'll find I still can strike, tho' old:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>I only want your Aid to raise my Arms.</em><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p class="directcenter">Enter a Youth, who seizes on the young Woman. <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_285" id="Page_285">[Pg 285]</a></span> -</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i20">Youth.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Who talks of Charms, who talks of Aid?</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>I bring an Arm</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>That wants no Charm,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To rouze the Fire that's in a flinty Maid.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Retire, old Age:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i8"><em>——Winter, begone:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Behold the youthful Spring comes gayly on.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Here, here's a Torch to light a Virgin's Fire!</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To my Arms, my Love, my Joy;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>When Women have what they desire,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>They're neither cold nor coy.</em><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p class="directright">[She takes him in her Arms.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>The Song and Dances ended, <span class="antiqua">Esop</span> takes <span class="antiqua">Euphronia</span> and -<span class="antiqua">Oronces</span> by the Hands, leading them forwards.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> By this Time, my young eager Couple, 'tis probable -you wou'd be glad to be alone; perhaps you'll -have a Mind to go to Bed, even without your Supper; -for Brides and Bridegrooms eat little on their Wedding-Night. -But since, if Matrimony were worn as it ought -to be, it wou'd, perhaps, sit easier about us than it usually -does, I'll give you one Word of Counsel, and so I -shall release you. When one is out of Humour, let -the other be dumb. Let your Diversions be such, as -both may have a Share in 'em. Never let Familiarity -exclude Respect. Be clean in your Clothes, but nicely -so in your Persons. Eat at one Table, lie in one Room, -but sleep in two Beds: I'll tell the Ladies why:</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i16">Turning to the Boxes.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>In the sprightly Month of May,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_286" id="Page_286">[Pg 286]</a><br /><a name="Page_287" id="Page_287">[Pg 287]</a></span> -<span class="i0"><em>When Males and Females sport and play,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And kiss and toy away the Day;</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>An eager Sparrow and his Mate,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Chirping on a Tree, were sat,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Full of Love——and full of Prate.</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>They talk'd of nothing but their Fires,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Of raging Heats, and strong Desires,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>How true and faithful they wou'd be;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Of eternal Constancy;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Of this and that, and endless Joys,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And a thousand more such Toys:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i4"><em>Only Thing they apprehended,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Was that their Lives wou'd be so short,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>They cou'd not finish half their Sport</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Before their Days were ended.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But as from Bough to Bough they rove,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i4"><em>They chanc'd at last</em><br /></span> -<span class="i4"><em>In furious haste,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>On a Twig with Birdlime spread,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>(Want of a more downy Bed)</em><br /></span> -<span class="i4"><em>To act a Scene of Love.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Fatal it proved to both their Fires.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>For tho' at length they broke away,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And baulk'd the School-Boy of his Prey,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Which made him weep the live-long Day,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The Bridegroom, in the hasty strife,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Was stuck so fast to his dear Wife,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>That tho' he us'd his utmost Art,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He quickly found it was in vain,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To put himself to further Pain,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>They never more must part.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>A gloomy Shade o'ercast his Brow;</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He found himself——I know not how:</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He look'd as Husbands often do.</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Where-e'er he mov'd, he felt her still,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>She kiss'd him oft against his Will:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Abroad, at Home, at Bed and Board,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>With favours she o'erwhelm'd her Lord.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Oft he turn'd his Head away,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And seldom had a Word to say,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Which absolutely spoil'd her Play,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>For she was better stor'd.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Howe'er, at length, her stock was spent,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>(For Female Fires sometimes may be</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Subject to Mortality;)</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>So Back to Back they sit, and sullenly repent.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But the mute Scene was quickly ended,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The Lady, for her share, pretended</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The Want of Love lay at his Door;</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>For her part, she had still in store</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Enough for him and twenty more,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Which cou'd not be contended.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He answer'd her in homely Words,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>(For Sparrows are but ill-bred Birds)</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>That he already had enjoy'd</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>So much, that truly he was cloy'd.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Which so provok'd her Spleen,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>That after some good hearty Prayers,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>A Jostle, and some spiteful Tears,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>They fell together by the Ears,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And ne'er were fond again.</em><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/wingding-301.jpg" width="700" height="453" alt="" /> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_288" id="Page_288">[Pg 288]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-302.jpg" width="700" height="82" alt="" /> -</div> - -<p class="ph2"><em>ESOP.</em> -</p> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="PART_II4" id="PART_II4">PART II.</a></h3> - - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Players.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> <span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">W</span>ell</span>, good People, who are all you?</p> - -<p><em>Omnes.</em> Sir, we are Players.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Players! What Players?</p> - -<p><em>Play.</em> Why, Sir, we are Stage-Players, that's our -Calling: Tho' we play upon other Things too; some -of us play upon the Fiddle; some play upon the Flute; -we play upon one another; we play upon the Town; -and we play upon the Patentees.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Patentees! Pr'ythee, what are they?</p> - -<p><em>Play.</em> Why, they are, Sir——Sir, they are——'Cod -I don't know what they are——Fish or Flesh——Masters -or Servants——Sometimes one——Sometimes -t'other, I think——Just as we are in the Mood.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Why, I thought they had a lawful Authority -over you.</p> - -<p><em>Play.</em> Lawful Authority, Sir!—--Sir, we are free-born -<em>Englishmen</em>, we care not for Law nor Authority -neither, when we are out of Humour.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> But I think they pretended at least to an Authority -over you; pray, upon what Foundation was it -built?</p> - -<p><em>Play.</em> Upon a rotten one——if you'll believe us. -Sir, I'll tell you what the Projectors did: They imbark'd -twenty thousand Pound upon a leaky Vessel——She -was built at <em>Whitehall</em>; I think they call'd her——the -Patent——ay, the Patent: Her Keel was made of a -Broad Seal——and the King gave 'em a white Staff -for their Main-Mast. She was a pretty light Frigate to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_289" id="Page_289">[Pg 289]</a></span> -look upon, indeed: They spar'd nothing to set her off; -they gilded her, and painted her, and rigg'd, and gunn'd -her: And so sent her a Privateering. But the first Storm -that blew, down went the Mast, ashore went the Ship—Crack, -says the Keel; Mercy, cry'd the Pilot; but the -Wind was so high, his Pray'rs cou'd not be heard—so -they split upon a Rock——that lay hid under a -Petticoat.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> A very sad Story, this! But what became of the -Ship's Company?</p> - -<p><em>Play.</em> Why, Sir, your humble Servants here, who were -the Officers, and the best of the Sailors——(little -<em>Ben</em> amongst the rest) seiz'd on a small Bark that lay to -our Hand, and away we put to Sea again. To say the -truth, we were better mann'd than rigg'd, and Ammunition -was plaguy scarce amongst us.——However, a -cruising we went, and some petty small Prizes we have -made; but the Blessing of Heaven not being among us——or -how the Devil 'tis, I cannot tell; but we are -not rich.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Well, but what became of the rest of the Crew?</p> - -<p><em>Play.</em> Why, Sir, as for the Scoundrels, they, poor -Dogs, stuck by the Wreck. The Captain gave them -Bread and Cheese, and good Words——He told them, -if they wou'd patch her up, and venture t'other Cruise, -he'd prefer 'em all; so to work they went, and to Sea -they got her.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> I hope he kept his Word with 'em.</p> - -<p><em>Play.</em> That he did; he made the Boatswain's Mate -Lieutenant; he made the Cook Doctor: He was forc'd -to be Purser and Pilot, and Gunner himself; and the -Swabber took Orders to be Chaplain.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> But with such unskilful Officers, I'm afraid, -they'll hardly keep above Water long.</p> - -<p><em>Play.</em> Why truly, Sir, we care not how soon they are -under: But curst Folks thrive, I think. I know nothing -else that makes 'em swim. I'm sure, by the Rules of Navigation, -they ought to have over-set long since; for they -carry a great deal of Sail, and have very little Ballast.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> I'm afraid you ruin one another. I fancy if you<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_290" id="Page_290">[Pg 290]</a></span> -were all in a Ship together again, you'd have less Work, -and more Profit.</p> - -<p><em>Play.</em> Ah, Sir——we are resolv'd we'll never sail under -Captain Patentee again.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Pr'ythee, why so?</p> - -<p><em>Play.</em> Sir, he has us'd us like Dogs.</p> - -<p><em>Wom.</em>——And Bitches too, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> I'm sorry to hear that; pray, how was't he -treated you?</p> - -<p><em>Play.</em> Sir, 'tis impossible to tell; he us'd us like the -<em>English</em> at <em>Amboyna</em>——</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> But I wou'd know some Particulars: Tell me -what 'twas he did to you?</p> - -<p><em>Play.</em> What he did, Sir?——Why, he did in the first -Place, Sir——In the first Place, Sir, he did——I'cod -I don't know what he did——Can you tell, Wife?</p> - -<p><em>Wom.</em> Yes, marry can I; and a burning Shame it was too.</p> - -<p><em>Play.</em> O, I remember now, Sir, he wou'd not give us -Plums enough in our Pudding.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> That indeed was very hard; but did he give you -as many as he promis'd you?</p> - -<p><em>Play.</em> Yes, and more; but what of all that? We had -not as many as we had a mind to——</p> - -<p><em>1 Wom.</em> Sir, my Husband tells you Truth—</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> I believe he may; but what other Wrongs did -he do you?</p> - -<p><em>1 Wom.</em> Why, Sir, he did not treat me with Respect; -'twas not one Day an three he would so much as bid me -good-morrow—</p> - -<p><em>2 Wom.</em> Sir, he invited me to Dinner, and never drank -my Health.</p> - -<p><em>1 Wom.</em> Then he cock'd his Hat at Mrs. <em>Pert</em>.</p> - -<p><em>2 Wom.</em> Yes, and told Mrs. <em>Slippery</em> he had as good a -Face as she had.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Why, these were insufferable Abuses—</p> - -<p><em>2 Play.</em> Then, Sir, I did but come to him one Day—and -tell him I wanted fifty Pound, and what do you -think he did by me, Sir?—Sir, he turn'd round upon -his Heel like a Top—</p> - -<p><em>1 Play.</em> But that was nothing to the Affront he put<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_291" id="Page_291">[Pg 291]</a></span> -upon me, Sir. I came to him, and in very civil words, -as I thought, desir'd him to double my Pay: Sir, wou'd -you believe it? He had the Barbarity to ask me if I -intended to double my Work; and because I told him -no, Sir—he did use me, good Lord, how he did use me!</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Pr'ythee how?</p> - -<p><em>1 Play.</em> Why, he walk'd off, and answered me never -a Word.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> How had you Patience?</p> - -<p><em>1 Play.</em> Sir, I had not Patience. I sent him a Challenge; -and what do you think his answer was?—He -sent me Word I was a scoundrel Son of a Whore, and he -wou'd only fight me by Proxy——</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Very fine!</p> - -<p><em>1 Play.</em> At this rate, Sir, were we poor Dogs us'd—till -one frosty Morning down he comes amongst us—and -very roundly tells us——That for the future, no -Purchase, no Pay. They that wou'd not work, shou'd -not eat——Sir, we at first ask'd him coolly and civilly——Why? -His answer was, Because the Town -wanted Diversion, and he wanted Money——Our -Reply to this, Sir, was very short; but I think to the -purpose.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> What was it?</p> - -<p><em>1 Play.</em> It was, Sir, that so we wallow'd in Plenty -and Ease——the Town and he might be damn'd——This, -Sir, is the true History of our Separation——and -we hope you'll stand our Friend——</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> I'll tell you what, Sirs——</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2"><em>I once a Pack of Beagles knew——</em><br /></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_292" id="Page_292">[Pg 292]</a></span> -<span class="i0"><em>That much resembled I know who;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>With a good Huntsman at their Tail,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>In full Command,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>With Whip in Hand,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>They'd run apace</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The chearful Chace,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And of their Game were seldom known to fail.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But being at length their chance to find</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>A Huntsman of a gentler Kind,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>They soon perceiv'd the Rein was slack;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The Word went quickly thro' the Pack——</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>They one and all cry'd Liberty;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>This happy Moment we are free;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>We'll range the Woods,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Like Nymphs and Gods,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And spend our Mouths in Praise of Mutiny.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>With that, old <span class="antiqua">Jowler</span> trots away,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And <span class="antiqua">Bowman</span> singles out his Prey;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em><span class="antiqua">Thunder</span> bellow'd thro' the Wood,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And swore he'd burst his Guts with Blood;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em><span class="antiqua">Venus</span> tript it o'er the Plain,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>With boundless Hopes of boundless Gain;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>——<span class="antiqua">Juno</span>, she slipt down the Hedge,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But left her sacred Word for Pledge,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>That all she pickt up by the by——</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Shou'd to the public Treasury;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And well they might rely upon her;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>For <span class="antiqua">Juno</span> was a Bitch of Honour.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>In short, they all had Hopes to see</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>A heavenly Crop of Mutiny.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And so to reaping fell.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But in a little Time they found,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>It was the Devil had till'd the Ground,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And brought the Seed from Hell.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The Pack divided, nothing throve:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Discord seiz'd the Throne of Love.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Want and Misery all endure;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>All take pains, and all grow poor.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>When they had toil'd the live-long Day,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And came at Night to view their Prey,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Oft, alas, so ill they'd sped,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>That half went Supperless to Bed.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>At length they all in Council sate,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Where at a very fair Debate,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>It was agreed at last,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>That Slavery with Ease and Plenty,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>When Hounds were something turn'd of twenty,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Was much a better Fate,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Than 'twas to work and fast.</em><br /></span> -</div></div> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_293" id="Page_293">[Pg 293]</a></span></p> -<p><em>1 Play.</em> Well, Sir——and what did they do then?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Why they all went home to their Kennel again. -If you think they did wisely, you'll do well to follow -their Example.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Esop</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>1 Play.</em> Well, Beagles, what think you of the little -Gentleman's Advice?</p> - -<p><em>2 Wom.</em> I think he's a little ugly Philosopher, and -talks like a Fool.</p> - -<p><em>1 Play.</em> Ay, why there 'tis now! If he had been a -tall Handsome Blockhead, he had talk'd like a wise Man.</p> - -<p><em>2 Wom.</em> Why, do you think, Mr. <em>Jowler</em>, that we'll -ever join again?</p> - -<p><em>1 Play.</em> I do think, sweet Mrs. <em>Juno</em>, that if we do -not join again, you must be a little freer of your Carcase -than you are, or you must bring down your Pride to -a Serge Petticoat.</p> - -<p><em>1 Wom.</em> And do you think, Sir, after the Affronts I -have receiv'd, the Patent and I can ever be Friends?</p> - -<p><em>1 Play.</em> I do think, Madam, that if my interest had -not been more affronted than your Face, the Patent and -you had never been Foes.</p> - -<p><em>1 Wom.</em> And so, Sir, then you have serious Thoughts -of a Reconciliation!</p> - -<p><em>1 Play.</em> Madam, I do believe I may.</p> - -<p><em>1 Wom.</em> Why then, Sir, give me Leave to tell you, -that—make it my Interest, and I'll have serious Thoughts -on't too.</p> - -<p><em>2 Wom.</em> Nay, if you are thereabouts, I desire to come -into the Treaty.</p> - -<p><em>3 Play.</em> And I.</p> - -<p><em>4 Play.</em> And I.</p> - -<p><em>1 Play.</em> And I. No separate Peace. None of your -<em>Turin</em> Play, I beseech you.</p> - -<p><em>1 Play.</em> Why then, since you are all so Christianly dispos'd——I -think we had best adjourn immediately to our -Council-Chamber, choose some potent Prince for Mediator -and Guarantee——fix upon the Place of Treaty, -dispatch our Plenipo's, and whip up the Peace like -an Oyster. For, under the Rose, my Confederates, here<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_294" id="Page_294">[Pg 294]</a></span> -is such a damn'd Discount upon our Bills, I'm afraid, if -we stand it out another Campaign, we must live upon -slender Subsistence.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Esop</span>; and a Country Gentleman, who walks to -and fro, looking angrily upon <span class="antiqua">Esop</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Have you any Business with me, Sir?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em>—I can't tell whether I have or not.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> You seem disturb'd, Sir?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> I'm always so at the Sight of a Courtier.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Pray what may it be, that gives you so great an -Antipathy to 'em?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> My Profession.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> What's that?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Honesty.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> 'Tis an honest Profession. I hope, Sir, for the -general Good of Mankind, you are in some public Employment?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> So I am, Sir——no Thanks to the Court.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> You are then, I suppose, employ'd by——</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> My Country.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Who have made you——</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> A Senator.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Sir, I reverence you.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Bowing.</em></p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Sir, you may reverence as low as you please; -but I shall spare none of you. Sir, I am intrusted by -my Country with above ten Thousand of their Grievances, -and, in order to redress them, my Design is to hang -ten thousand Courtiers.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Why, 'tis making short Work, I must confess; -but are you sure, Sir, that wou'd do't?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Sure,——Ay, sure.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> How do you know?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Why, the whole Country says so, and I at the -Head of 'em. Now let me see who dares say the contrary.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Not I, truly. But, Sir, if you won't take it -ill, I'll ask you a Question or two.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_295" id="Page_295">[Pg 295]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Sir, I shall take ill what I please. And if you, -or e'er a Courtier of you all pretend the contrary, I say, -'tis a Breach of Privilege——Now put your Question, -if you think fit.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Why then, Sir, with all due regard to your -Character, and your Privilege too, I wou'd be glad to -know what you chiefly complain of?</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Gent.</em> Why, Sir, I do chiefly complain, that we have<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A great many Ships, and very little Trade;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A great many Tenants, and very little Money;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A great many Soldiers, and very little fighting;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A great many <em>Gazettes</em>, and little good News;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A great many Statesmen, and very little Wisdom;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A great many Parsons, and not an Ounce of Religion.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Why truly, Sir, I do confess these are Grievances -very well worth your redressing. And I perceive you are -truly sensible of our Diseases, but I'm afraid you are a -little out in the Cure.</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Sir, I perceive you take me for a Country-Physician: -but you shall find, Sir, that a Country-Doctor is -able to deal with a Court-Quack; and to shew you that -I do understand something of the State of the Body-Politic, -I will tell you, Sir, that I have heard a wise Man say, -the Court is the Stomach of the Nation, in which, if the -Business be not thoroughly digested, the whole Carcase will -be in Disorder. Now, Sir, I do find by the Feebleness of -the Members, and the Vapours that fly into the Head, -that this same Stomach is full of indigestions, which must -be remov'd: And therefore, Sir, I am come Post to -Town with my Head full of <em>Crocus Metallorum</em>, and design -to give the Court a Vomit.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Sir, the Physic you mention, tho' necessary -sometimes, is of too violent a Nature to be us'd without -a great deal of Caution. I'm afraid, you are a little -too rash in your Prescriptions. Is it not possible you -may be mistaken in the Cause of the Distemper?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Sir, I do not think it possible I shou'd be mistaken -in any thing.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Have you been long a Senator?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> No, Sir.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_296" id="Page_296">[Pg 296]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Have you been much about Town?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> No, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Have you convers'd much with Men of Business?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> No, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Have you made any serious Enquiry into the -present Disorders of the Nation?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> No, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Have you ever heard what the Men now employ'd -in Business have to say for themselves?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> No, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> How then do you know they deserve to be punish'd -for the present Disorders in your Affairs?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> I'll tell you how I know.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> I would be glad to hear.</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Why, I know by this——I know it, I say, by -this——that I'm sure on't——And to give you Demonstration -that I'm sure on't, there is not one Man in a -good Post in the Nation—but I'd give my Vote to hang -him: Now I hope you are convinc'd.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> As for Example: The first Minister of State, why -wou'd you hang him?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Because he gives bad Counsel.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> How do you know?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Why, they say so.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> And who would you put in his Room?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> One that would give better.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Who's that?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Myself.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> The Secretary of State, why wou'd you hang -him?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Because he has not good Intelligence.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> How do you know?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> I have heard so.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> And who would you put in his Place?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> My Father.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> The Treasurer, why would you hang him?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Because he does not understand his Business.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> How do you know?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> I dreamt so.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> And who would you have succeed him?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_297" id="Page_297">[Pg 297]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> My Uncle.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> The Admiral, why would you hang him?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Because he has not destroy'd the Enemies Ships.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> How do you know he could do it?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Why, I believe so.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> And who would you have command in his Stead?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> My Brother.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> And the General, why would you hang him?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Because he took ne'er a Town last Campaign.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> And how you do know it was in his Power?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Why, I don't care a Souss whether 'twas in his -power or not. But I have a Son at home, a brave chopping -Lad; he has been Captain in the Militia these -twelve Months, and I'd be glad to see him in his Place. -What do ye stare for, Sir? Ha! I'gad I tell you he'd -scour all to the Devil. He's none of your Fencers, -none of your sa-sa Men. <em>Numps</em> is downright, that's -his Play. You may see his Courage in his Face: He -has a Pair of Cheeks like two Bladders, a Nose as flat as -your Hand, and a Forehead like a Bull.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> In short, Sir, I find if you and your Family were -provided for, Things would soon grow better than they do.</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> And so they wou'd, Sir. Clap me at the Head -of the State, and <em>Numps</em> at the Head of the Army: -He with his Club-Musquet, and I with my Club Head-Piece, -we'd soon put an End to your Business.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> I believe you wou'd indeed. And therefore, -since I happen to be acquainted with your extraordinary -Abilities, I am resolv'd to give the King an Account of -you, and employ my Interest with him, that you and -your Son may have the Posts you desire.</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Will you, by the Lord?—Give me your Fist, -Sir—the only honest Courtier that ever I met with in -my Life.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> But, Sir, when I have done you this mighty -Piece of Service, I shall have a small Request to beg of -you, which I hope you won't refuse me.</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> What's that?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Why, 'tis in behalf of the two Officers who are -to be displac'd to make Room for you and your Son.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_298" id="Page_298">[Pg 298]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> The Secretary and the General?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> The same. 'Tis pity they shou'd be quite out -of Business: I must therefore desire you'll let me recommend -one of 'em to you for your Bailiff, and t'other for -your Huntsman.</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> My Bailiff and my Huntsman!—--Sir, that's -not to be granted.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Pray, why?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Why?——Because one wou'd ruin my Land, -and t'other wou'd spoil my Fox-Hounds.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Why do you think so?</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Why do I think so!—--These Courtiers will -ask the strangest Questions!—--Why, Sir, do you think -that Men bred up to the State or the Army, can understand -the Business of Ploughing and Hunting?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> I did not know but they might.</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> How cou'd you think so?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Because I see Men bred up to Ploughing and -Hunting, understand the Business of the State and the Army.</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> I'm shot——I ha'n't one Word to say for myself——I -never was so caught in my Life.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> I perceive, Sir, by your Looks, what I have -said has made some Impression upon you; and would, -perhaps do more, if you wou'd give it leave. [<em>Taking his -Hand.</em>] Come, Sir, tho' I am a Stranger to you, I can -be your Friend; my Favour at Court does not hinder -me from being a Lover of my Country. 'Tis my Nature, -as well as Principle, to be pleas'd with the Prosperity -of Mankind. I wish all Things happy, and my Study -is to make them so.</p> - -<p>The Distempers of the Government (which I own are -great) have employ'd the Stretch of my Understanding, -and the deepest of my Thoughts, to penetrate the Cause, -and to find out the Remedy. But alas! All the Product -of my Study is this, That I find there is too near a Resemblance -between the Diseases of the State and those of -the Body, for the most expert Minister to become a greater -Master in one than the College is in t'other: And how -far their Skill extends, you may see by this Lump upon -my Back. Allowances in all Professions there must be,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_299" id="Page_299">[Pg 299]</a></span> -since 'tis weak Man that is the weak Professor. Believe -me, Senator, for I have seen the Proof on't. The longest -Beard amongst us is a Fool. Cou'd you but stand behind -the Curtain, and there observe the secret Springs of -State, you'd see, in all the Good or Evil that attends it, -ten Ounces of Chance for one Grain either of Wisdom -or Roguery.</p> - -<p>You'd see, perhaps, a venerable Statesman sit fast -asleep in a great downy Chair; whilst, in that soft Vacation -of his Thought, blind Chance (or what at least we -blindly call so) shall so dispose a thousand secret Wheels, -that when he awakes, he needs but write his Name, to -publish to the World some blest Event, for which his -Statue shall be rais'd in Brass.</p> - -<p>Perhaps a Moment thence, you shall behold him torturing -his Brain; his Thoughts all stretcht upon the Rack -for publick Service. The live-long Night, when all -the World's at rest, consum'd in Care, and watching for -their Safety, then by a Whirlwind in his Fate, in spight -of him, some Mischief shall befall 'em, for which a furious -Sentence strait shall pass, and they shall vote him to the -Scaffold. Even thus uncertain are Rewards and Punishments; -and even thus little do the People know, when -'tis the Statesman merits one or t'other.</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> Now I do believe I am beginning to be a wise -Man; for I never till now perceived I was a Fool. But -do you then really believe, Sir, our Men in Business do -the best they can?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Many of 'em do: Some perhaps do not. But -this you may depend upon; he that is out of Business is -the worst Judge in the World of him that is in: First, -Because he seldom knows any Thing of the Matter: And, -Secondly, Because he always desires to get his Place.</p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em> And so, Sir, you turn the Tables upon the -Plaintiff, and lay the Fool and Knave at his Door.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> If I do him wrong, I'm sorry for't. Let him examine -himself, he'll find whether I do or not.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Esop</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Gent.</em>——Examine!—--I think I have had enough -of that already. There's nothing left, that I know of, -but to give Sentence: And truly I think, there's no great<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_300" id="Page_300">[Pg 300]</a></span> -difficulty in that. A very pretty Fellow I am, indeed! -Here am I come bellowing and roaring two hundred -Miles Post to find myself an Ass; when, with one Quarter -of an Hour's Consideration, I might have made the self-same -Discovery, without going over my Threshold. -Well! if ever they send me on their Errand to reform -the State again, I'll be damn'd. But this I'll do: I'll -go home and reform my Family if I can: Them I'm -sure I know. There's my Father's a peevish old Coxcomb: -There's my Uncle's a drunken old Sot: There's -my Brother's a cowardly Bully: Son <em>Numps</em> is a lubberly -Whelp: I've a great ramping Daughter, that stares -like a Heifer: and a Wife that's a slatternly Sow.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter a young, gay, airy Beau, who stands smiling -contemptibly upon <span class="antiqua">Esop</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Well, Sir, what are you?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> A Fool.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> That's impossible!—--for if thou wert, -thou'd'st think thyself a wise Man.</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> So I do—This is my own Opinion——the -t'other's my Neighbour's.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Walking airily about.</em></p> - -<p><em>Esop. gazing after him.</em>] Have you any Business with -me, Sir?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> Sir, I have Business with nobody, Pleasure's -my Study.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] An odd Fellow this!—--Pray, Sir, who -are you?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> I can't tell——</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em>——Do you know who I am?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> No, Sir: I'm a Favourite at Court, and I neither -know myself, nor any body else.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Are you in any Employment?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> Yes.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> What is't?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> I don't know the Name on't.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> You know the Business on't, I hope?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> That I do—the Business of it is——to——put -in a Deputy and receive the Money.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em>——Pray, what may be your Name?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_301" id="Page_301">[Pg 301]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> Empty.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Where do you live?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> In the Side-Box.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> What do you do there?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> I ogle the Ladies.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> To what Purpose?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> To no Purpose.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Why then do you do it?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> Because they like it, and I like it.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Wherein consists the Pleasure?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> In playing the Fool.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em>——Pray, Sir, what Age are you?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> Five and twenty my Body; my Head's about -fifteen.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Is your Father living?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> Dead, thank God.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Has he been long so?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> Positively, yes.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Where were you brought up?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> At School.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> What School?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> The School of <em>Venus</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Were you ever at the University?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> Yes.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> What Study did you follow there?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> My Bed-maker.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> How long did you stay?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> Till I had lost my Maidenhead.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Why did you come away?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> Because I was expell'd.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Where did you go then?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> To Court.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Who took Care of your Education there?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> A Whore and a Dancing-Master.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> What did you gain by them?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> A <em>Minuet</em>, and the <em>Pox</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Have you an Estate?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> I had.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> What's become on't?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> Spent.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_302" id="Page_302">[Pg 302]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> In what?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> In a Twelvemonth.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> But how?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> Why, in Dressing, Drinking, Whoring, Claps, -Dice, and Scriveners. What do you think of me now, -old Gentleman?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Pray, what do you think of yourself?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> I don't think at all: I know how to bestow -my Time better.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Are you married?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> No——have you ever a Daughter to bestow -upon me?</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> She wou'd be well bestow'd.</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> Why, I'm a strong young Dog, you old Put, -you: She may be worse coupled——</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> Have you then a Mind to a Wife, Sir?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> Yaw, <em>Mynheer</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> What wou'd you do with her?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> Why, I'd take Care of her Affairs, rid her of -all her Troubles, her Maidenhead, and her Portion.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> And, pray, what Sort of Wife wou'd you be -willing to throw yourself away upon?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> Why, upon one that has Youth, Beauty, Quality, -Virtue, Wit and Money.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> And how may you be qualified yourself, to -back you in your Pretensions to such a one?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> Why, I am qualified with——a Perriwig——a -Snuff-box—a Feather——a——smooth Face——a -Fool's Head——and a Patch.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> But one Question more: What Settlements -can you make?</p> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> Settlements!—Why, if she be a very great -Heiress, indeed, I believe I may settle——myself upon -her for Life, and my Pox upon her Children for ever.</p> - -<p><em>Esop.</em> 'Tis enough; you may expect I'll serve you, if -it lies in my Way. But I wou'd not have you rely too -much upon your Success, because People sometimes are -mistaken——</p> - -<p>As for Example——</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_303" id="Page_303">[Pg 303]</a></span></p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>An Ape there was of nimble Parts,</em><br /></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_304" id="Page_304">[Pg 304]</a></span> -<span class="i0"><em>A great Intruder into Hearts,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>As brisk, and gay, and full of Air,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>As you or I, or any here;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Rich in his Dress, of splendid Shew,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And with an Head like any Beau:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Eternal Mirth was in his Face;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Where'er he went,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He was content,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>So Fortune had but kindly sent</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Some Ladies——and a Looking-glass.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Encouragement they always gave him,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Encouragement to play the Fool;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>For soon they found it was a Tool</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Wou'd hardly be so much in Love,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But that the mumbling of a Glove,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Or tearing of a Fan, wou'd save him.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>These Bounties he accepts as Proof</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Of Feats done by his Wit and Youth;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He gives their Freedom gone for ever,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Concludes each Female Heart undone,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Except that very Happy One</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To which he'd please to do the Favour.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>In short, so smooth his Matters went,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He guess'd, where'er his Thoughts were bent,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The Lady he must carry:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>So put on a fine new Cravat,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He comb'd his Wig, he cock'd his Hat,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And gave it out he'd marry.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But here, alas! he found to 's Cost,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He had reckon'd long without his Host:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>For wheresoe'er he made th' Attack,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Poor Pug with Shame was beaten back.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>The first fair She he had in Chace,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Was a young Cat, extremely rich,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Her Mother was a noted Witch;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>So, had the Daughter prov'd but civil,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He'd been related to the Devil.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But when he came</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To urge his Flame,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>She scratch'd him o'er the Face.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>With that he went among the Bitches,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Such as had Beauty, Wit and Riches,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And swore Miss Maulkin, to her Cost,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Shou'd quickly see what she had lost:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But the poor, unlucky Swain</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Miss'd his Shepherdess again;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>His Fate was to miscarry.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>It was his Destiny to find,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>That Cats and Dogs are of a Mind,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>When Monkies come to marry.</em><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>Beau.</em> 'Tis very well;——'tis very well, old Spark; -I say, 'tis very well. Because I han't a Pair of plaid -Shoes, and a dirty Shirt, you think a Woman won't -venture upon me for a Husband——Why, now to shew -you, old Father, how little you Philosophers know of -the Ladies, I'll tell you an Adventure of a Friend of -mine.</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>A Band, a Bob-Wig, and a Feather,</em><br /></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_305" id="Page_305">[Pg 305]</a></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Attack'd a Lady's Heart together.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The Band, in a most learned Plea,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Made up of deep Philosophy,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Told her, if she wou'd please to wed</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>A Reverend Beard, and take, instead</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Of vigorous Youth,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Old solemn Truth,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>With Books and Morals into Bed,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>How happy she wou'd be.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>The Bob, he talk'd of Management,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>What wondrous Blessings Heaven sent</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>On Care, and Pains, and Industry;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And, truly, he must be so free</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To own, he thought your airy Beaux,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>With powder'd Wigs, and dancing Shoes,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Were good for nothing (mend his Soul!),</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But prate, and talk, and play the Fool.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>He said, 'twas Wealth gave Joy and Mirth;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And that to be the dearest Wife</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Of one, who labour'd all his Life,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To make a Mine of Gold his own,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And not spend <span class="antiqua">Sixpence</span> when he'd done,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Was Heaven upon Earth.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>When these two Blades had done, d' ye see,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The Feather (as it might be me)</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Steps out, Sir, from behind the Skreen,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>With such an Air, and such a Mien,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Look you, old Gentleman, in short,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>He quickly spoil'd the Statesman's Sport.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>It prov'd such Sunshine Weather,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>That you must know, at the first Beck</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The Lady leapt about his Neck,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>And off they went together.</em><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p><em>To <span class="antiqua">Esop</span>.</em>] There's a Tale for your Tale, old Dad, -and so——<em>Serviteur</em>.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/wingding-319.jpg" width="700" height="460" alt="" /> -</div> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_306" id="Page_306">[Pg 306]</a><br /><a name="Page_307" id="Page_307">[Pg 307]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-321.jpg" width="700" height="79" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h2><a name="THE5" id="THE5">THE</a><br /> - -FALSE FRIEND.<br /> - -A<br /> - -COMEDY.</h2> - - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-321.jpg" width="700" height="79" alt="" /> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_308" id="Page_308">[Pg 308]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-322.jpg" width="700" height="68" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="PROLOGUE5" id="PROLOGUE5">PROLOGUE.</a></h3> - - -<p class="directcenter">Spoken by Capt. <em>Griffin</em>. -</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em><span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">Y</span>ou</span> dread Reformers of an impious Age,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_309" id="Page_309">[Pg 309]</a></span> -<span class="i0"><em>You awful Cat-o'-nine Tails to the Stage,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>This once be just, and in our Cause engage.</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To gain your Favour, we your Rules obey,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And treat you with a moral Piece to-day;</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>So moral, we're afraid 'twill damn the Play.</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>For tho' y' ave long been leagu'd (as People tell)</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To reduce the Power exorbitant of Hell;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>No Troops you send, t' abate it in this Field,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But leave us still expos'd, to starve or yield.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Your Scouts, indeed, sometimes come stealing in,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>T' observe this formidable Camp of Sin,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And whisper, if we'll piously declare,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>What Aids you then will send, to help us thro' the War.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>To this we answer, We're a feeble State,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And cannot well afford to love or hate,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>So shou'd not meddle much in your Debate.</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But, since your Cause is good, thus far we'll go,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>When <span class="antiqua">Portugal</span> declares, we'll do so too.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Our Cases, as we think, are much alike,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And on the same Conditions, we should strike;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Send to their Aid a hundred Men of War,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>To ours, a hundred Squadrons of the Fair;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Rig out your Wives and Daughters all around,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>(I mean, wh' are fit for Service, tight and sound)</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And, for a Proof our Meaning is sincere,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>See but the Ships are good, and if you fear</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>A Want of Equipage, we'll mann them here.</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i2"><em>These are the Terms on which you may engage</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The Poet's Fire, to batter from the Stage:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Useful Ally! whose Friendship lets you in,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Upon the weak and naked Side of Sin.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Against your old Attack, the Foe's prepar'd,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Well fortify'd, and always on his Guard;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>The sacred Shot you send are flung in vain;</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>By Impious Hands, with insolent Disdain,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>They're gather'd up, and fir'd at you again.</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Thro' baffled Toils, and unsuccessful Cares,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>In Slaughter, Blood and Wounds, and pious Snares,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Y' ave made a <span class="antiqua">Flanders</span> War these fifteen hundred Years.</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Change then your Scheme, if you'll your Foe annoy,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And the infernal <span class="antiqua">Bajazet</span> destroy;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Our Aid accept,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>W' ave gentler Stratagems which may succeed;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>We'll tickle 'em where you'd make 'em bleed:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>In Sounds less harsh, we'll teach 'em to obey;</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>In softer Strains the evil Spirit lay,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And steal Immorality away.</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/wingding-323.jpg" width="700" height="336" alt="" /> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_310" id="Page_310">[Pg 310]</a></span></p> -<div class="chapter"></div> -<hr class="chap" /> - - - - -<h3><a name="Dramatis_Personae5" id="Dramatis_Personae5">Dramatis Personæ.</a></h3> - - -<div class="center"> -<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Dramatis Personæ"> - <tr> - <th colspan="3">MEN.</th> - </tr> - <tr> - <td colspan="2">Don <em>Felix</em>, a Gentleman of <em>Valencia</em>,</td> - <td>Capt. <em>Griffin</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>Don <em>Pedro</em>,</td> - <td rowspan="3" class="bl br tdc">Lovers of <em>Leonora</em>,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Wilks</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>Don <em>Guzman</em>, </td> - <td>Mr. <em>Mills</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>Don <em>John</em>,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Cibber</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td colspan="2"><em>Lopez</em>, Servant to Don <em>John</em>,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Pinkethman</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td colspan="2"><em>Galindo</em>, Servant to Don <em>Guzman</em>,</td> - <td>Mr. <em>Bullock</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <th colspan="3">WOMEN.</th> - </tr> - <tr> - <td colspan="2"><em>Leonora</em>, Daughter to Don <em>Felix</em>,</td> - <td>Mrs. <em>Rogers</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td colspan="2"><em>Isabella</em>, her Friend, and Sister to <em>Guzman</em>,</td> - <td>Mrs. <em>Kent</em>.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td colspan="2"><em>Jacinta</em>, Woman to <em>Leonora</em>,</td> - <td>Mrs. <em>Oldfield</em>.</td> - </tr> -</table></div> - - -<p class="center"><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, at <em>Valencia</em>. -</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_311" id="Page_311">[Pg 311]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-325.jpg" width="700" height="81" alt="" /> -</div> - -<p class="ph2">THE<br /> -FALSE FRIEND. -</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-237b.jpg" width="700" height="37" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="ACT_I_SCENE_I5" id="ACT_I_SCENE_I5"><em class="gesperrt">ACT</em> I. <em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em> I.</a></h3> - -<p class="directcenter"><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>Don <span class="antiqua">John</span>'s Lodgings.</em> -</p> - - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Don <span class="antiqua">John</span> beating <span class="antiqua">Lopez</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> <span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">H</span>old</span>, Sir, hold; there's enough in all -Conscience; I'm reasonable, I ask no more; -I'm content.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Then there's a double Content, you Dog, -and a Brace of Contents more into the Bargain. Now -is't well?</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Striking again and again.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> O, mighty well, Sir; you'll never mend it; -pray leave it as 'tis.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Look you, you Jackanapes, if ever I -hear an Offer at your impertinent Advice again——</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> And why, Sir, will you stifle the most useful -of my Qualifications?</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Either, Sirrah, I pass for a very great -Blockhead with you, or you are pleas'd to reckon much -upon my Patience.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Your Patience, Sir, indeed is great: I feel at -this Time forty Proofs on't upon my Shoulders: But -really, Sir, I wou'd advise you to——</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_312" id="Page_312">[Pg 312]</a></span></p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Again! I can bear thee no longer. Here, -Pen and Ink, I'll give thee thy Discharge: Did I take -you for a Valet, or a Privy-Counsellor, Sir?</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> 'Tis confess'd, Sir, you took me but for humble -Employment; but my Intention was agreeably to surprize -you with some superior Gifts of Nature, to your -faithful Slave. I profess, my noble Master, a most perfect -Knowledge of Men and Manners. Yours, gracious -Sir, (with all Respect I speak it) are not irreprehensible. -And I'm afraid in Time, Sir, I am indeed, they'll riggle -you into some ill-favour'd Affair, whence, with all -my Understanding, I shall be puzzled to bring you off.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Very well, Sir.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> And therefore, Sir, it is, that I, poor <em>Lopez</em> as -I am, sometimes take leave to maralize.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Go, go, moralize in the Market-place: -I'm quite worn out. Once more, march.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Is the Sentence definitive?</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Positive.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Then, pray, let us come to account, and see -what Wages are due.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Wages! Refund what you have had, you -Rascal, you, for the plague you have given me.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Nay, if I must lose my Money; then let me -claim another Right: Losers have leave to speak. -Therefore, advance, my Tongue, and say thy Pleausure; -tell this Master of mine, he shou'd die with shame at -the Life he leads: So much unworthy of a Man of Honour: -Tell him——</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> I'll hear no more.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> You shall indeed, Sir.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Here, take thy Money, and begone.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Counters all; adieu, you glistring Spangles of -the World; farewel, ye Tempters of the Great, not -me. Tell him——</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Stay.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Go on; tell him he's worse among the Women -than a Ferret among the Rabbits; at one and all, from -the Princess to the Tripe-Woman; handsome, ugly, -old Women and Children, all go down.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_313" id="Page_313">[Pg 313]</a></span></p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Very well.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> It is, indeed, Sir, and so are the Stories you tell -them to bring them to your Matters. The Handsome, -she's all Divinity, to be sure; the Ugly, she's so agreeable, -were it not for her Virtue, she'd be over-run with Lovers; -the light, airy, Flipflap, she kills him with her -Motions; the dull, heavy-tail'd Maukin melts him down -with her Modesty; the scragged, lean, pale Face has a -Shape for Destruction; the fat over-grown Sow has an -Air of Importance; the tall aukward Trapes with her -Majesty wounds; the little, short Trundle-tail shoots a -<em>Je-ne-sçay-quoy</em>: In a Word, they have all something -for him——and he has something for them all.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> And thus, you Fool, by a general Attack, -I keep my Heart my own; lie with them that -like me, and care not Sixpence for them that don't.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Well said, well said; a very pretty Amusement, -truly! But, pray, Sir, by your leave (Ceremony aside) -since you are pleas'd to clear up into Conversation, what -mighty Matters do you expect from boarding a Woman, -you know, is already Heart and Soul engag'd to another?</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Why, I expect her Heart and Soul shou'd -disengage in a Week. If you live a little longer with -me, Sirrah, you'll know how to instruct your next Master -to the purpose; and therefore, that I may charitably -equip you for a new Service, now I'm turning you out -of my own, I'll let you know, that when a Woman -loves a Man best, she's in the most hopeful way of betraying -him; for Love, like Fortune, turns upon a -Wheel, and is very much given to rising and falling.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Like enough: But as much upon the Weathercock -as the Ladies are; there are some the Wind must -blow hard to fetch them about: When such a sturdy -Hussy falls in your Honour's way, what account may -Things turn to then, an't please ye?</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> They turn to a Bottle, you Puppy.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> I find they'll always turn to something; but -when you pursue a poor Woman, only to make her -Lover jealous, what Pleasure can you take in that?</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> That Pleasure.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_314" id="Page_314">[Pg 314]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Look you there, again.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Why, Sirrah, d'ye think there's no Pleasure -in spoiling their Sport, when I can't make my own?</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> O! to a good-natur'd Man, be sure there must; -but, suppose, instead of 'fending and proving with his -Mistress, he shou'd come to——a——parrying and -thrusting with you; what becomes of your Joy, then, -my noble Master?</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Why, do you think I'm afraid to fight, -you Rascal?</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> I thought we were talking of what we lov'd, -not what we fear'd, Sir.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Sir, I love every Thing that leads to -what I love most.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> I know, Sir, you have often fought upon these -Occasions.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Therefore, that has been no stop to my -Pleasures.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> But you have never been kill'd once, Sir; and -when that happens, you will for ever lose the Pleasure -of——</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> [<em>Striking him.</em>] Breaking your Head, you -Rascal, which will afflict me heartily. See who knocks -so hard.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Knocking.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Somebody that thinks I can hear no better than -you think I can feel.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Don <span class="antiqua">Guzman</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Don <em>John de Alvarada</em>, is he here?</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> There's the Man. Shew me such another, if -you can find him.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Don <em>John</em>, I desire to speak with you alone.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> You may speak before this Fellow, Sir; -he's trusty.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> 'Tis an Affair of Honour, Sir.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Withdraw, <em>Lopez</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Behind the Door I will, and no farther. [<em>Aside.</em>] -This Fellow looks as if he came to save me a broken -Head.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em><span class="antiqua">Lopez</span> retires.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> I call myself <em>Don Guzman de Torrellas</em>; you<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_315" id="Page_315">[Pg 315]</a></span> -know what Blood I spring from; I am a Cadet, and -by consequence, not rich; but I am esteem'd by Men -of Honour: I have been forward to expose myself in -Battles abroad, and I have met with Applause in our -Feasts at home.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> So much by way of Introduction.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> I understand your Merit, Sir, and shou'd -be glad to do as much by your Business.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Give Attention, and you'll be instructed. -I love <em>Leonora</em>, and from my Youth have done so. Long -she rejected my Sighs, and despised my Tears, but my -Constancy at last hath vanquish'd. I have found the way -to her Heart, and nothing is wanting to compleat my -Joy, but the Consent of her Father, whom I cannot -yet convince, that the Wants in my Fortune are recompens'd -by the Merits of my Person.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> He's a very dull Fellow, indeed.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> In the mean while, the Object of my Vows -is a sharer in my Grief, and the only Cordial we have -is the Pleasure of a secret Conversation, thro' a small -Breach I have made in a thin Partition that divides our -Lodgings. I trust you, Don <em>John</em>, with this important -Secret; Friend or Enemy, you are noble, therefore -keep it; I charge your Honour with it.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> You cou'd not put it in better Hands.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> But more; my Passion for this Lady is not -hid; all <em>Valencia</em> is acquainted with my Wishes, and -approves my Choice. You alone, Don <em>John de Alvarada</em>, -seeming ignorant of my Vows, dare traverse my -Amour.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Go on.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> These Words import War; lie close, <em>Lopez</em>.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> You are the <em>Argus</em> of our Street and the -Spy of <em>Leonora</em>; whether <em>Diana</em> by her borrow'd Light -supplies the Absence of the <em>Astrea</em> of Day, or that the -Shades of Night cover the Earth with impenetrable -Darkness; you still attend till <em>Aurora</em>'s Return, under -the Balcony of that adorable Beauty.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> So?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Wherever she moves, you still follow as<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_316" id="Page_316">[Pg 316]</a></span> -her Shadow, at Church, at Plays: Be her Business with -Heaven or Earth, your Importunity is such, you'll share it.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> He is a forward Fellow, that's the Truth on't.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> But what's still farther, you take the Liberty -to copy me; my Words, my Actions, every Motion -is no sooner mine, but your's. In short, you ape -me, Don; and to that point, I once design'd to stab -myself, and try if you wou'd follow me in that too.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> No, there the Monkey wou'd have left you.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> But to conclude.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> 'Tis Time.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> My Patience, Don, is now no more; and -I pronounce, that if henceforth I find you under <em>Leonora</em>'s -Window, who never wish'd, fond Man, to see -you there; I, by the ways of Honour, shall fix you in -another Station. I leave you to consider on't.——Farewel.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Don</span> Guz.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Hold, Sir, we had e'en as good do this -honourable Deed now.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Re-enter <span class="antiqua">Lopez</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> No, pray, Sir, let him go, and maybe you -mayn't have Occasion to do it at all.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> I thought at first the Coxcomb came upon -another Subject, which wou'd have embarrassed me -much more.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Now this was a Subject wou'd have embarrass'd -me enough in all Conscience.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> I was afraid he came to forbid me seeing -his Sister, <em>Isabella</em>, with whom I'm upon very good -Terms.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Why, now, that's a hard Case, when you have -got a Man's Sister, you can't leave him his Mistress.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> No, Changeling, I hate him enough, to -love every Woman that belongs to him: and the Fool -has so provok'd me by this Threatning, that I believe I -shall have a Stroke at his Mother, before I think myself -even with him.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> A most admirable way to make up Accounts, -truly!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_317" id="Page_317">[Pg 317]</a></span></p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> A Son of a Whore! s'death, I did not -care Sixpence for the Slut before, but now I'll have her -Maidenhead in a Week, for fear the Rogue shou'd -marry her in ten Days.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Mum; here's her Father: I'll warrant this old -Spark comes to correct our Way of living too.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Don <span class="antiqua">Felix</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> Don <em>John!</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Don <em>Felix!</em> do I see you in my poor -Dwelling? Pray, to what lucky Accident do I owe -this Honour?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> That I may speak to you without Constraint, -pray send away your Servant.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> What the Pox have I done to 'em, they are all -so uneasy at my Company?</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Give us Chairs, and leave the Room.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> If this old Fellow comes to quarrel with us too, -he'll at least do us less harm.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> Won't you retire, Friend?</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Looking behind.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Be gone, Sirrah.</p> - -<p><em>Lop. aside.</em>] Pox take ye——you old Prig, you: But -I shall be even with you.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Lopez hides himself.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> You know me, Sir?</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> I do, Sir.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> That I call myself——</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Don Felix.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> That I am of the House of——</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> <em>Cabrera</em>, one of the first of <em>Valencia</em>.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> That my Estate is——</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Great.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> You know that I have some Reputation in -the World?</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> I know your Reputation equals your Birth.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> And you are not ignorant, that Heaven, for -the Consolation of my grey Hairs, has given me an only -Daughter, who is not deform'd?</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Beauteous as Light.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> Well shap'd, witty, and endow'd with—</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> All the good Qualities of Mind and Body.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_318" id="Page_318">[Pg 318]</a></span></p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> Since you are satisfy'd with all this, hearken, -I pray, with Attention, to the Business that brings me -hither.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> I shall.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> We all know, Don <em>John</em>, some by their -own Experience, some by that of others, how nice a -Gentleman's Honour is, and how easily tarnish'd; an -<em>Eclaircissement</em> manag'd with Prudence, often prevents -Misfortunes, that, perhaps, might be upon the Point of -attending us. I have thought it my Duty to acquaint -you, that I have seen your Designs upon my Daughter: -You pass Nights entire under her Window, as if you -were searching an Opportunity to get into my House; -there is nobody in the Town but has taken Notice of -your Proceedings; you give the Publick a Subject for -disadvantageous Discourse; and tho' in reality <em>Leonora</em>'s -Virtue receives no Prejudice by it, her Reputation -daily runs some Risque. My Years have taught me -to judge right of Things; and yet, I have not been -able to decide what your End can be; you can't regard -my Daughter on a foot of Gallantry; you know -her Virtue, and my Birth too well; and for a Wife -you seem to have no Thought, since you have yet -made no Demand to me: What then is your Intention? -You have heard, perhaps, I have hearken'd to a Gentleman -of <em>Toledo</em>, a Man of Merit. I own I have, and -I expect him daily here; but, Don <em>John</em>, if 'tis that -which hinders you from declaring in form, I'll ease you -of a great deal of Trouble, which the Customs of the -World impose upon these Occasions, and, in a Word, -I'll break with him, and give you <em>Leonora</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Good.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> You don't answer me! What is't that troubles -you?</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> That I have been such a Sot, old Gentleman, -to hear you with so much Patience.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Rising.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> How, Don! I'm more astonish'd at your -Answer, than I was with your Silence.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Astonish'd! Why han't you talk'd to me -of Marriage? He asks me to marry, and wonders what -I complain of!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_319" id="Page_319">[Pg 319]</a></span></p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> 'Tis well——'tis well, Don <em>John</em>, the Outrage -is violent! You insult me in your own House. -But, know, Sir——</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Rising.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> But, know, Sir, there needs no Quarrel, -if you please, Sir; I like your Daughter very well; but -for marrying her——<em>Serviteur</em>.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> Don <em>Guzman de Torrellas</em> has not less Merit -than you, Don.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Agreed; what then?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> And yet I have refus'd him my Daughter.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Why then, you have used him better than -you have done me, which I take very unkindly.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> I have us'd you, Sir——</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Us'd me, Sir? you have us'd me very -ill, to come into my own House to seduce me.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> What Extravagance!</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> What Persecution!</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> Am I then to have no other Answer?</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Methinks, you have enough in all Conscience.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> Promise me, at least, you'll cease to love -my Daughter.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> I won't affront your Family so far, neither.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> I'gad my Master shines to-day.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> Know, Don, that I can bear no more.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> If he cou'd, I think there's no more to lay upon -him.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> If I find you continue to importune <em>Leonora</em>, -I shall find a way to satisfy my offended Honour, -and punish your Presumption.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> You shall do what you please to me, provided -you don't marry me.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> Know, <em>Alvarada</em>, there are ways to revenge -such outrageous Affronts as these.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> I won't marry.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> 'Tis enough.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Don <span class="antiqua">Felix</span>.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Re-enter <span class="antiqua">Lopez</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> So; the old Fellow's gone at last, and has carry'd -great Content along with him.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_320" id="Page_320">[Pg 320]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> <em>Lopez</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Sir——</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> What dost think? He wou'd have marry'd -me!</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Yes, he had found his Man. But you have -been even with him.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> What! thou hast heard us then?</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Or I were no Valet: But, pray, what does -your Honour intend to do now? Will you continue the -Siege of a Place, where, 'tis probable, they will daily -augment the Fortifications, when there are so many -open Towns you may march into, without the Trouble -of opening the Trenches.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> I am going, <em>Lopez</em>, to double my Attacks: -I'll beat up her Quarters six Times a-night; I -am now downright in Love: the Difficulties pique me -to the Attempt, and I'll conquer or I'll die.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Why, to confess the Truth, Sir, I find you -much upon my Taste in this Matter: Difficulties are -the Rocambole of Love; I never valu'd an easy Conquest -in my life. To rouse my Fire; the Lady must -cry out, as softly as ever she can, Have a Care, my -Dear, my Mother has seen us: My Brothers suspect -me; my Husband may surprize us: O, dear Heart, -have a Care, I pray! Then, I play the Devil: But, -when I come to a Fair-one, where I may hang up my -Cloak upon a Peg, get into my Gown and Slippers—</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Impudent Rogue!</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> See her stretch'd upon the Couch, in great Security, -with—My Dear, come kiss me, we have nothing -to fear—I droop, I yawn, I sleep.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Well, Sir, whatever you do with your -Fair-one, I am going to be very busy with mine; I was -e'en almost weary of her, but <em>Guzman</em> and this old Fellow -have reviv'd my dying Fire; and so, have at her.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> 'Tis all mighty well, Sir; mighty well, Sir, as -can be in the World. But, if you wou'd have the Goodness -to consider <em>en passant</em>, or so, a little now and then -about Swords and Daggers, and Rivals and old Fellows, -and Pistols and great Guns, and such like Baubles, only<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_321" id="Page_321">[Pg 321]</a></span> -now and then at leisure, Sir, not to interrupt Things -of more Consequence.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Thou art a cowardly Rascal, I have often -consider'd that.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Ay, that's true, Sir; and yet a Blunderbuss is -presently discharged out of a Garret-Window.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Come, no more Words, but follow me: -How now! what Impertinence have we here now, to -stop me?</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Don <span class="antiqua">Pedro</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> 'Tis Don <em>Pedro</em>, or I'm a Dog.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Impossible! Don <em>Pedro</em> return'd!</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> 'Tis I, my dearest Friend; I'm come to -forget all the Miseries of a long Absence in one happy -Embrace.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>They embrace.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> I'm overjoy'd to see you.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Mine's not to be exprest. What, Friend -<em>Lopez</em> here still! How dost do, <em>Lopez</em>? What, dost not -know me?</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> As well as my Father's Seal, Sir, when he sends -me a Bill of Exchange.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Just as he was, I find, Galliard still.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> I find it very unwholesome to be otherwise, Sir.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> You have then quitted the Service in -<em>Flanders</em>, I suppose.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> I have so, Friend! I have left the Ensigns -of <em>Mars</em>, and am listing myself in a softer Militia.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Explain, pray.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Why, when your Father's Death oblig'd -you to leave <em>Brussels</em>, and return hither to the plentiful -Fortune he left you; I stay'd in <em>Flanders</em>, very trist for -your Lost, and past three Years in the Trade of War. -About two Months since, my Father writ to me from -<em>Toledo</em>, that he was going to marry me very advantageously -at <em>Valencia</em>: He sent me the Picture of the Lady, -and I was so well pleased with it, that I immediately got -my <em>Congé</em> and embark'd at <em>Dunkirk</em>; I had a quick Passage -to the <em>Groyne</em>, from whence, by the way of <em>Madrid</em>, -I am come hither with all the Speed I cou'd. I have,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_322" id="Page_322">[Pg 322]</a></span> -you must know, been two Days in Town, but I have -lain <em>Incognito</em>, that I might inform myself of the Lady's -Conduct I'm to marry; and I have discover'd, that -she's serv'd by two Cavaliers of Birth and Merit. But -tho' they have both given many Proofs of a most violent -Passion, I have found, for the Quiet of my Honour, -that this virtuous Lady, out of Modesty or Prudence, -has shewn a perfect Indifference to them and their Gallantries; -her Fortune is considerable, her Birth is high, -her Manners irreproachable, and her Beauty so great, -that nothing but my Love can equal it.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> I have hearken'd to you, Don <em>Pedro</em>, with -a great deal of Attention, and Heaven's my Witness, I -have a mighty Joy in seeing you; but the Devil fetch -me, it makes my Heart bleed, to hear you are going to -be married.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Say no more of that, I desire you; we have -always been Friends, and I earnestly beg we ever may -be so; but I am not come to ask Counsel about my -Marriage; my Party is taken, and my Inquiries have so -much heightened my Desire, that nothing can henceforth -abate it. I must, therefore, expect from you, -dear Friend, that you won't oppose it, but that you'll -aid me in hast'ning the Moment of my Happiness.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Since 'tis so impossible for you to resolve -for your own Good, I must submit to what you'll have -me: But are not we to know the Name of this Piece of -Rarity, that is to do you this good Turn?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> You'll know it presently; for I'm going to -carry you to her House.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> You shall tell me, at least, who are her -two Gallants.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> One, they cou'd not tell me his Name; -t' other is——But before we talk any more of these Affairs, -can you let me dispose of <em>Lopez</em>, till the Return -of a Servant, I sent three Days ago to——</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Carry News of you to <em>Papa</em>, I suppose.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> You are right; the good Man is thirty -Leagues off, and I have not seen him these six Years.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> <em>Lopez</em>, do you wait upon Don <em>Pedro</em>.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_323" id="Page_323">[Pg 323]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> With all my Heart. It's at least a Suspension of -Boxes of the Ear, and Kicks of the Backside.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Then, honest <em>Lopez</em>, with your Master's -Leave, go to the New-Inn, the King of <em>France</em> on -Horseback, and see if my Servant's return'd; I'll be -there immediately, to charge thee with a Commission -of more Importance.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> I shall perform your Orders, Sir, both to your -Satisfaction, and my own Reputation.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Lopez</span>.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Very quaint. Well, old Acquaintance, -you are going to be married then? 'Tis resolved: Ha!</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> So says my Star.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> The foolishest Star that has said any -Thing a great while.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Still the same, I see! Or, more than ever, -resolv'd to love nothing.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Love nothing! Why, I'm in Love at -this very Time.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> With what?</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> A Woman.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Impossible!</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> True.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> And how came you in love with her?</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Why, I was ordered not to be in love -with her.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Then, there's more Humour than Love in't.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> There shall be what you please in't. But -I shan't quit the Gentlewoman, till I have convinced -her there's something in't.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Mayn't I know her Name?</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> When you have let me into your conjugal -Affection.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Pray, stay here but till I have sent <em>Lopez</em> -to my Father-in-law; I'll come back, and carry you -with me in a Moment.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> I'll expect you.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Adieu, dear Friend! May I in earnest see -you quickly in Love!</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Don <span class="antiqua">Pedro</span>.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> May I, without a Jest, see you quickly -a Widower.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_324" id="Page_324">[Pg 324]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Don <span class="antiqua">John</span> solus.</em> -</p> - -<p>He comes, he says, to marry a Woman of Quality -that has two Lovers——If it should be <em>Leonora</em>——But, -why she? There are many, I hope, in that Condition -in <em>Valencia</em>——I'm a little embarrass'd about it, however——</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Friendship, take heed; if Woman interfere,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Be sure the Hour of thy Destruction's near.</em><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p class="directright">[Exit.</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-338.jpg" width="700" height="43" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="ACT_II5" id="ACT_II5"><em class="gesperrt">ACT</em> II.</a></h3> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>Leonora</em>'s Apartment.</h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Leonora</span>, <span class="antiqua">Isabella</span>, and <span class="antiqua">Jacinta</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Leon.</em> <span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">D</span>ear</span> <em>Isabella</em>, come in: How I am plagu'd -with this troublesome Wretch! <em>Jacinta</em>, -have you shut the outer Gates?</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> I have, Madam.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Shut the Window too; we shall have him get -in there, by and bye.</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> What's this you are in such Apprehensions of, -pray?</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Nothing worth naming.</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> You dissemble: Something of Love in the -Case, I'll warrant you.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> The Reverse on't; 'tis Aversion. My Impertinent -Star has furnish'd me with a Lover for my Guard, -who is never from my Window; he persecutes me to -Distraction; I affront him fifty Times a day; which -he receives with a Bow down to the Ground: In short, -all I can do, is doing nothing at all: He still persists -in loving me, as much as I hate him.</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> Have a Care he don't get the better on't, for -all that; for when a Man loves a Woman well enough<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_325" id="Page_325">[Pg 325]</a></span> -to persevere, 'tis odds but she at last loves him well -enough to make him give it over. But I think I had -as good take off my Scarf; for, since my Brother Don -<em>Guzman</em> knows I'm with you, he won't quarrel at my -return, for the Length of my Visit.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> If he shou'd, I shou'd quarrel with him, which -few Things else wou'd make me do. But methinks, -<em>Isabella</em>, you are a little melancholy.</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> And you a little thoughtful.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Pray, tell me your Affliction.</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> Pray don't conceal yours.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Why, truly, my Heart is not at ease.</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> Mine, I fear, never will.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> My Father's marrying me against my Inclination.</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> My Brother is hind'ring me from marrying with -mine.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> You know I love your Brother, Don <em>Guzman</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> And you shall know, I'm uneasy for Don <em>John -de Alvarada</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Don <em>John</em>!</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> The same.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Have you any Reason to hope for a Return?</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> I think so.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> I'm afraid, my Dear, you abuse yourself.</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> Why?</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Because he is already in Love with——</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> Who?</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Me.</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> I wou'd not have you too positive in that, Madam, -for I am very sure that——</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Madam, I am very sure that he's the troublesome -Guest I just now complain'd of: And you may -believe——</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> Madam, I can never believe he's troublesome -to any Body.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> O, dear Madam! But I'm sure I'm forc'd to -keep my Windows shut, till I'm almost dead with Heat; -and that, I think, is troublesome.</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> This Mistake is easily set right, <em>Leonora</em>; our<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_326" id="Page_326">[Pg 326]</a></span> -Houses join, and when he looks at my Window, you -fancy 'tis at your's.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> But, when he attacks my Door, Madam, and -almost breaks it down, I don't know how in the World -to fancy 'tis your's.</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> A Man may do that to disguise his real Inclination.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Nay, if you please, believe he's dying for you. -I wish he were; then I shou'd be troubled no more -with him. Be sure, <em>Jacinta</em>, you don't open a Window -to-night.</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> Not while I'm here, at least; for if he knows -that, he may chance to press in.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Look you, <em>Isabella</em>, 'tis entirely alike to me, -who he's fond of; but I'm so much your Friend, I can't -endure to see you deceiv'd.</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> And since I have the same Kindness for you, -<em>Leonora</em>, know, in short, that my Brother is so alarm'd -at his Passion for me, that he has forbid him the Street.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Bless my Soul! and don't you plainly see by -that, he's jealous of him upon my Account?</p> - -<p><em>Isa.</em> [<em>Smiling.</em>] He's jealous of his Honour, Madam, -lest he shou'd debauch his Sister.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> I say, he's jealous of his Love, lest he shou'd -corrupt his Mistress.</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> But why all this Heat? If you love my Brother, -why are you concern'd Don <em>John</em> shou'd love me?</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> I'm not concern'd: I have no Designs upon -him; I care not who he loves.</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> Why then are you angry?</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Why do you say he does not care for me!</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> Well, to content you then, I know nothing -certain, but that I love him.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> And to content you; I know nothing so certain, -as that I neither love him, nor ever can love him: -And so I hope we are Friends again.</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> Kiss me, then, and let us never be otherwise.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Agreed: [<em>They kiss.</em>] And now, my Dear, as my -Misfortune's nearest, I am first to be pity'd; I am the -most wretched Woman living. My Father every Mo<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_327" id="Page_327">[Pg 327]</a></span>ment -expects a Gentleman from <em>Flanders</em>, to whom he -has resolv'd to marry me. But neither Duty, nor Prudence, -nor Danger, nor Resolution, nor all I can summon -to my Aid, can drive your Brother from my -Heart; but there he's fix'd to ruin me.</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Madam, here's Don <em>Guzman</em> at the Chamber-Door; -he begs so passionately to come in, sure you -can't refuse him.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Heav'ns! But does he consider to what he exposes -me?</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Madam, he considers nothing; if he did, I'd -say he were an impudent Fellow, to pretend to be in -Love with you.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Shall I venture, <em>Isabella</em>?</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> You know best.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Don <span class="antiqua">Guzman</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Marry, methinks he knows best of us all, for -here he comes.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Forgive me, lovely <em>Leonora</em>; 'tis the last -Time, perhaps, that I may beg your Pity. My Rival -is not far off: Excess of Modesty is now our Ruin. -Break through it, for this Moment you have left, and -own, to your old Father, how you love. He once -did so himself; our Scene of Sorrow may, perhaps, -recall some small Remembrance of his tender Years, and -melt him into Mercy.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Alas! Don <em>Guzman</em>——</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> O Heavens! Madam——</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> What's the Matter?</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Y' are undone; here's your Father.</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> What an unlucky Accident!</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Has he seen Don <em>Guzman</em>?</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Nay, the deuce knows.</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> Where shall he hide himself?</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> In the Moon, if he can get thither.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Don <span class="antiqua">Felix</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> I must e'en stand it now.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> Good News, my Daughter, good News;<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_328" id="Page_328">[Pg 328]</a></span> -I come to acquaint you, that——How now? What's -the Meaning of this? Don <em>Guzman</em> in my Daughter's -Chamber!</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> I see your Surprize, Sir, but you need not -be disturb'd; 'twas some sudden Business with my Sister -brought me here.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> 'Tis enough, Sir: I'm glad to find you -here; you shall be a Witness, that I know how to preserve -the Honour of my Family.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> What mean you, Sir?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> To marry <em>Leonora</em> this Moment.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> How say you?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> I say, you shall have nothing left to ask -of me.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Is't possible? O Heavens! what Joy I feel!</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> <em>Leonora</em>, prepare your Hand and Heart.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> They both are ready, Sir; and in giving me -the Man I love, you charge me with a Debt of Gratitude -can never be repay'd.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> [<em>Kneeling.</em>] Upon my Knees, I thank the -best of Men, for blessing me with all that's blest in -Woman.</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> How well that kind, that gentle Look becomes -him!</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Now, methinks he looks like an old Rogue; -I don't like his Looks.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Lopez</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> To all whom it may concern, greeting, Don -<em>Pedro Osorio</em>, acknowledging himself most unworthy of -the Honour intended him, in the Person of the fair -<em>Leonora</em>, addresses himself, by me, his small Ambassador, -to the Generosity of Don <em>Felix</em>, for leave to -walk in and take Possession.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> I had already given Order for his Entrance.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> What is't I hear?</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Support me.</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> She faints.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Look, Tyrant, here, and, if thou can'st, -be cruel!</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Holding her.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> Bring in Don <em>Pedro</em>.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_329" id="Page_329">[Pg 329]</a></span></p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Barbarian!</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Look up, Madam, for Heaven's sake; since -you must marry the Fellow, e'en make the most on't.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Hoh——</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Don <span class="antiqua">Pedro</span> and Don <span class="antiqua">John</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> So——How d'ye do now? Come, chear up. -See, here he comes. By my Troth, and a pretty turn'd -Fellow. [<em>Aside.</em>] He'll set all to rights by to-morrow -Morning, I'll answer for him.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> Don <em>Pedro</em>, you are welcome; let me embrace -you.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> In what Terms, Sir, shall I express what -I owe you for the Honour you do me? And with what -Prospect of Return can I receive this inestimable Present? -Your Picture, Madam, made what Impression Art cou'd -stamp, but Nature has done more. What Wounds -your Sex can give, or ours receive, I feel.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> Come, Son, (for I'm in haste to call you so)——But -what's this I see? <span class="antiqua">Alvarada</span> here! Whence, -Sir, this Insolence; to come within my Doors, after you -know what has past? Who brought you here?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> 'Twas I, Sir.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> But do you know that he——</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Sir, he's the best of my Friends.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> But do you know, I say, that he wou'd——</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Hinder this Marriage, 'tis true.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> Yes, because he design'd——</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> I know his Design, Sir; 'tis to hinder all -his Friends from marrying. Pray forgive him.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> Then to prevent for ever his Designs here, -come hither, <em>Leonora</em>, and give Don <em>Pedro</em> your Hand.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Keep down, my kindling Jealousy: I've -something tortures me I never felt but now.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Leo</span>.</em>] Why this Backwardness, Madam? -Where a Father chooses, a Daughter may with Modesty -approve. Pray, give me your Hand.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> I cannot see it.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Turning from 'em.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Leo.</span> aside.</em>] Are you distracted? Will you -let him know your Folly? Give him your Hand, for -Shame.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_330" id="Page_330">[Pg 330]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Hoh! Don <em>Guzman</em>, I am yours.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Sighing, and giving carelesly her Hand.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Madam!</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Turning.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> What a fatal Slip!</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> 'Twas not to you I spoke, Sir.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> But him it was she nam'd, and thought on -too, I fear. I'm much alarm'd.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Leo</span>.</em>] Repair what you have done, and -look more chearful on him.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Repair what you have done, and kill me.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> Fool.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Tyrant.</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> A very hum-drum Marriage this.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Pray, Sister, let's retire; for I can bear this -Sight no longer.</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> My Dear, farewel; I pity you, indeed.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> I am indeed an Object of your Pity.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Don <span class="antiqua">Guz.</span> and <span class="antiqua">Isab.</span></em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> Come, Daughter, come, my Son, let's to the -Church, and tie this happy Knot.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> I'll wait upon you, Sir.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Don <span class="antiqua">Fel.</span> leading <span class="antiqua">Leo.</span></em></p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> I love her, and I'll love her still. Fate do -thy worst, I'll on.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> To name another Man, in giving me her -Hand!</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] How am I rackt and torn with -Jealousy?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> 'Tis doubtless so, Don Guzman has her -Heart.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] The Bridegroom's thoughtful. The -Lady's Trip has furnish'd him with some Matrimonial -Reflections: They'll agree with him at this Time perhaps, -better than my Company. I'll leave him. Don <em>Pedro</em>, -adieu, we shall meet again at Night.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Pray stay: I have need of a Friend's Counsel.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> What, already!</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Already.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> That's to say, you have already enough -of Matrimony.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_331" id="Page_331">[Pg 331]</a></span></p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> I scarce know what I have, nor am I sure -of what I am.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Lopez</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> An't please your Honour, yonder's your Man -<em>Bertrand</em> just arriv'd; his Horse and he are so tired of -one another, that they both came down upon the Pavement -at the Stable-Door.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> [<em>To Don <span class="antiqua">John</span>.</em>] He brings News from my -Father.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> I believe he does, and hasty News too; but if -you stay till he brings it hither, I believe it will come but -slowly. But here's his Packet; I suppose that will do -as well as his Company.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Gives a Letter.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> [<em>Reads to himself.</em>] My dear friend, here's -ill News.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> What's the Matter?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> My poor old Father's dying.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> I'm mighty sorry for't; 'tis a weighty -Stroke I must confess; the Burden of his Estate will almost -bear you down. But we must submit to Heaven's -good Will.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> You talk, <em>Alvarada</em>, like a perfect Stranger -to that Tenderness methinks every Son shou'd feel -for a good Father: For my part, I've receiv'd such repeated -Proofs of an uncommon Affection from mine, that -the Loss of a Mistress could scarce touch me nearer. -You'll believe me, when you see me leave <em>Leonora</em> a Virgin, -till I have seen the good old Man.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> That will be a Proof, indeed; Heaven's -Blessing must needs fall upon so dutiful a Son; but I -don't know how its Judgments may deal with so indifferent -a Lover.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> O! I shall have Time enough to repair this -seeming small Neglect: But before I go, pray a Word -or two with you alone. <em>Lopez</em>, wait without. [<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Lop</span>.</em>] -You see, my dearest Friend, I am engag'd with <em>Leonora</em>; -perhaps I have done wrong; but 'tis gone too far, to -talk or think of a Retreat; I shall I go directly from this -Place to the Altar, and there seal the eternal Contract.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_332" id="Page_332">[Pg 332]</a></span> -That done, I'll take Post to see my Father, if I can, before -he dies. I leave then here a young and beauteous -Bride; but that which touches every String of Thought, -I fear, I leave her wishing I were <em>Guzman</em>. If it be so, -no doubt he knows it well; and he that knows he's lov'd -by <em>Leonora</em>, can let no fair Occasion pass to gain her; -my Absence is his Friend, but you are mine, and so the -Danger's balanc'd. Into your Hands, my Dear, my -faithful <em>Alvarada</em>, [<em>Embracing him.</em>] I put my Honour, -I put my Life; for both depend on <em>Leonora</em>'s Truth. -Observe her Lover, and——neglect not her. You are -wise, you are active, you are brave and true. You have -all the Qualities that Man shou'd have for such a Trust; -and I by consequence have all the Assurance Man can -have, you'll, as you ought, discharge it.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> A very hopeful Business you wou'd have -me undertake, keep a Woman honest!—'Sdeath, I'd as -soon undertake to keep <em>Portocarero</em> honest. Look you, -we are Friends, intimate Friends; you must not be angry -if I talk freely. Women are naturally bent to Mischief, -and their Actions run in one continued Torrent till -they die. But the less a Torrent's check'd, the less Mischief -it does; let it alone, perhaps 'twill only kiss the -Banks and pass; but stop it, 'tis insatiable.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> I wou'd not stop it; but cou'd I gently -turn its Course where it might run, and vent itself with -Innocence, I wou'd. <em>Leonora</em> of herself is virtuous; -her Birth, Religion, Modesty and Sense, will guide her -Wishes where they ought to point. But yet, let Guards -be what they Will, that Place is safest that is ne'er attack'd.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> As far as I can serve you, in hind'ring -<em>Guzman</em>'s Approaches, you may command me.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> That's all I ask.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Then all you ask is granted.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> I am at ease, farewel.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Heaven bring you safe to us again.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_333" id="Page_333">[Pg 333]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Don <span class="antiqua">Ped</span>.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Don <span class="antiqua">John</span> solus.</em> -</p> - -<p>Yes, I shall observe her, doubt it not. I wish no body -may observe me, for I find I'm no more Master of myself. -Don <em>Guzman</em>'s Passion for her adds to mine; but -when I think on what Don <em>Pedro</em> will reap, I'm Fire and -Flame. Something must be done: What, let Love direct, -for I have nothing else to guide me.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Lopez</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Don <em>Pedro</em> is mounting for his Journey, -and leaves a young, warm, liquorish Hussy with a watry -Mouth, behind him——Hum—If she falls handsomely -in my Master's Way, let her look to her——hist—there -he is. Doing what? Thinking? That's new. And -if any Good comes on't, that will be newer still.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] How! Abuse the Trust a Friend -reposes in me? And while he thinks me waking for -his Peace, employ the stretch of Thought to make him -wretched?</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Not to interrupt your pious Meditations, Sir, -pray have you seen——Seen what, Fool? Why he can't -see thee. I'gad, I believe the little blind Bastard has -whipt him through the Heart in earnest.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] <em>Pedro</em> wou'd never have done this -by me——How do I know that?——Why——he -swore he was my Friend——Well; and I swore I -was his——Why then if I find I can break my Oath, -why should not I conclude he will do as much by his?</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] His Countenance begins to clear up: I -suppose Things may be drawing to a Conclusion.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Ay, 'tis just so: And I don't believe -he wou'd have debated the Matter half so long as I -have done: I'gad I think I have put myself to a great -Expence of Morality about it. I'm sure, at least, my -Stock's out. But I have a Fund of Love, I hope may -last a little longer. O, are you there, Sir!</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Seeing <span class="antiqua">Lop</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> I think so, Sir; I won't be positive in any thing.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Follow me: I have some Business to employ -you in, you'll like.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_334" id="Page_334">[Pg 334]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Don <span class="antiqua">John</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> I won't be positive in that neither. I guess what -you are going about—There's Roguery a-foot: This -is at <em>Leonora</em>, who I know hates him; nothing under a -Rape will do't——He'll be hang'd——And then, what -becomes of thee, my little <em>Lopez</em>?——Why, the Honour -to a——dingle dangle by him. Which he'll have -the Good-nature to be mighty sorry for. But I may -chance to be beforehand with him: If we are not taken -in the Fact, they'll perhaps do him the Honour to set -a Reward upon his Head. Which if they do, Don, I -shall go near to follow your moral Example, secure my -Pardon, make my Fortune, and hang you up for the -Good of your Country.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit.</em></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-348.jpg" width="700" height="41" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="ACT_III5" id="ACT_III5"><em class="gesperrt">ACT</em> III.</a></h3> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>Don</em> Felix's <em>House</em>.</h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Don <span class="antiqua">Felix</span>, Don <span class="antiqua">Pedro</span>, <span class="antiqua">Leonora</span>, and <span class="antiqua">Jacinta</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> <span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">H</span>ow</span>, Son! oblig'd to leave us immediately, -say you?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> My ill Fortune, Sir, will have it so.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] What can this be?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> Pray, what's the Matter? You surprise me.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> This Letter, Sir, will inform you.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> [Reads.] <em>My dear Son, <span class="antiqua">Bertrand</span> has brought -me the welcome News of your Return, and has given me -your Letter; which has in some Sort reviv'd my Spirits in -the Extremity I am in. I daily expect my Exit from this -World. 'Tis now six Years since I have seen you; I shou'd -be glad to do it once again before I die: If you will give -me that Satisfaction, you must be speedy. Heaven preserve -you.</em></p> - -<p>[<em><span class="antiqua">To Don</span> Ped.</em>] 'Tis enough: The Occasion I'm sorry<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_335" id="Page_335">[Pg 335]</a></span> -for, but since the Ties of Blood and Gratitude oblige -you, far be it from me to hinder you. Farewel, my Son, -may you have a happy Journey; and if it be Heaven's -Will, may the sight of so good a Son revive so kind a -Father. I leave you to bid your Wife adieu.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Don</span> Fel.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> I must leave you, my lovely Bride; but -'tis with bitter Pangs of Separation. Had I your Heart -to chear me on my Way, I might with such a Cordial -run my Course: But that Support you want the Power -to give me.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Who tells you so?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> My Eyes and Ears, and all the Pains I bear.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> When Eyes and Ears are much indulg'd, like -favourite Servants they are apt to abuse the too much -Trust their Master places in 'em.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> If I'm abus'd, assist me with some fair Interpretation -of all that present Trouble and Disquiet, -which is not in my Power to overlook, nor yours to hide.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> You might methinks have spar'd my Modesty; -and without forcing me to name your Absence, have laid -my Trouble there.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> No, no, my Fair Deluder, that's a Veil too -thin to cover what's so hard to hide; my Presence not -my Absence is the Cause. Your cold Reception at my -first Approach, prepar'd me for the Stroke; and 'twas -not long before your Mouth confirmed my Doom: Don -<em>Guzman</em>, I am yours.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Is't then possible the Mouth shou'd utter one -Name for another?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Not at all, when it follows the Dictates of -the Heart.——</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Were it even so, what Wrong is from that -Heart receiv'd, where Duty and where Virtue are its -Rulers?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Where they preside, our Honour may be -safe, yet our Minds be on the Rack.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> This Discourse will scarce produce a Remedy; -we'll end it, therefore, if you please, and leave the rest to -Time: Besides, the Occasion of your Journey presses you.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_336" id="Page_336">[Pg 336]</a></span></p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> The Occasion of my Delay presses you, I -fear, much more; you count the tedious Minutes I am -with you, and are reduc'd to mind me of my Duty, to -free yourself from my Sight.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> You urge this thing too far, and do me wrong. -The Sentiments I have for you are much more favourable -than your Jealousy suffers 'em to appear. But if -my Heart has seem'd to lean another way, before you -had a Title to it, you ought not to conclude I shall suffer -it to do so long.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> I know you have Virtue, Gratitude and -Truth; and therefore 'tis I love you to my Ruin. -Cou'd I believe you false, Contempt would soon release -me from my Chains, which yet I can't but wish to wear -for ever: therefore indulge at least your Pity to your -Slave; 'tis the soft Path in which we tread to Love. -I leave behind a tortur'd Heart to move you:</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>Weigh well its Pains, think on its Passion too,</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Remember all its Torments spring from you;</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And if you cannot love, at least be true.</em> <span class="linenum">}</span><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Don <span class="antiqua">Pedro</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Now by my troth, Madam, I'm ready to cry. -He's a pretty Fellow, and deserves better Luck.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> I own he does: And his Behaviour wou'd engage -any thing that were unengag'd. But, alas! I want -his Pity more than he does mine.</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> You do! Now I'm of another Mind. The Moment -he sees your Picture, he's in love with you; the -Moment he's in love with you, he imbarks; and, like -Lightning, in a Moment more, he's here: Where you -are pleas'd to receive him with a Don <em>Guzman, I am -yours</em>. Ah——poor Man!</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> I own, <em>Jacinta</em>, he's unfortunate, but still I say -my Fate is harder yet. The irresistible Passion I have -for <em>Guzman</em>, renders Don <em>Pedro</em>, with all his Merit, odious -to me; yet I must in his favour, make eternal War -against the Strength of Inclination and the Man I love.</p> - -<p><em>Jac.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Um——If I were in her Case, I cou'd -find an Expedient for all this Matter. But she makes such -a Bustle with her Virtue, I dare not propose it to her.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_337" id="Page_337">[Pg 337]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Besides, Don <em>Pedro</em> possesses what he loves, but I -must never think on poor Don <em>Guzman</em> more.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Weeping.</em></p> - -<p><em>Jac.</em> Poor Don <em>Guzman</em>, indeed! We han't said a -Word of the Pickle he's in yet. Hark! somebody -knocks——at the old Rendezvous. It's he, on my -Conscience.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Let's be gone; I must think of him no more.</p> - -<p><em>Jac.</em> Yes, let's be gone; but let's know whether 'tis -he or not, first.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> No, <em>Jacinta</em>; I must not speak with him any -more. [<em>Sighing.</em>] I'm married to another.</p> - -<p><em>Jac.</em> Married to another! Well, Married to another; -why, if one were married to twenty others, one may -give a civil Gentleman an Answer.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Alas! what would'st thou have me to say to him?</p> - -<p><em>Jac.</em> Say to him! Why, one may find twenty Things -to say to a Man: Say, that 'tis true you are married to -another, and that 'twould be a—Sin to think of any -Body but your Husband; and that——you are of a timorous -Nature, and afraid of being damn'd; and that -a——You wou'd not have him die neither: That a——Folks -are mortal, and Things sometimes come -strangely about, and a Widow's a Widow, and——</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Peace, Levity [<em>Sighing.</em>] But see who 'tis -knocks.</p> - -<p><em>Jac.</em> Who's there?</p> - -<p><em>Isa.</em> [<em>Behind the Scenes.</em>] 'Tis I, <em>Isabella</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> <em>Isabella!</em> What do you want, my Dear?</p> - -<p><em>Isa.</em> Your Succour, for Heaven's sake, <em>Leonora</em>. My -Brother will destroy himself.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Alas! it is not in my power to save him.</p> - -<p><em>Isa.</em> Permit him but to speak to you; that possibly -may do.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Why have not I the Force to refuse him?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> [<em>Behind the Scenes.</em>] Is it you I hear, my -poor lost Mistress? Am I so happy, once more to meet -you, where I so often have been blest!</p> - -<p><em>Jac.</em> Courage, Madam, say a little something to him.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Not one kind Word to a distracted Lover? -No Pity for a Wretch, you have made so miserable?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_338" id="Page_338">[Pg 338]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> The only Way to end that Misery, is to forget -we ever thought of Happiness!</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> And is that in your Power? Ah, <em>Leonora</em>, -you ne'er lov'd like me.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> How I have lov'd, to Heaven I appeal! But -Heaven does now permit that Love no more.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Why does it then permit us Life and -Thought? Are we deceiv'd in its Omnipotence? Is it -reduc'd to find its Pleasures in its Creatures Pain?</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> In what, or where, the Joys of Heaven consist, -lies deeper than a Woman's Line can fathom; but -this we know, a Wife must in her Husband seek for -hers, and, therefore, I must think of you no more.——Farewel.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Leo</span>.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Yet hear me, cruel <em>Leonora</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Jac.</em> It must be another Time, then, for she's whipt -off now. All the Comfort I can give you, is, that I -see she durst not trust herself any longer in your Company. -But hush, I hear a Noise, get you gone; we -shall be catch'd.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> [<em>Within.</em>] <em>Jacinta!</em></p> - -<p><em>Jac.</em> I come, I come, Madam.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Jac</span>.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Lopez</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> If I mistake not, there are a Brace of Lovers intend -to take some Pains about Madam, in her Husband's -Absence. Poor Don <em>Pedro</em>! Well; methinks a Man's -in a very merry Mood, that marries a handsome Wife: -When I dispose of my Person, it shall be to an ugly -one. They take it so kindly, and are so full of Acknowledgment; -watch you, wait upon you, nurse you, humour -you, are so fond, and so chaste. Or, if the Hussy -has Presumption enough to think of being otherwise, -away with her into the Mountains, fifty Leagues off; no -Body opposes. If she's mutinous, give her Discipline; -every Body approves on't. Hang her, says one, he's -kinder than she deserves: Damn her, says another, -why does not he starve her? But, if she's handsome, -Ah, the Brute, cries one: Ah the <em>Turk</em>, cries t'other: -Why don't she cuckold him, says this Fellow? Why<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_339" id="Page_339">[Pg 339]</a></span> -does not she poison him, says that? and away comes a -Pacquet of Epistles, to advise her to't. Ah poor Don -<em>Pedro</em>! But enough: 'Tis now Night, all's hush and -still: every Body's a-bed, and what am I to do? Why, -as other trusty Domesticks, sit up to let the Thief in. -But I suppose he won't be here yet; with the help of a -small Nap beforehand, I shall be in a better Condition -to perform the Duty of a Centinel, when I go to my -Post. This Corner will just fit me: Come, <em>Lopez</em>, lie -thee down, short Prayers, and to sleep.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>He lies down.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Jacinta</span> with a Candle in her Hand.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Jac.</em> So, I have put my poor Lady to Bed, with nothing -but Sobs, Tears, Sighs, Wishes, and a Pillow to -mumble, instead of a Bridegroom, poor Heart.——I -pity her; but every Body has their Afflictions, and -by the Beads of my Grandmother, I have mine. Tell -me, kind Gentlemen, if I have not something to excite -you? Methinks I have a rogueish Eye, I'm sure I -have a melting Heart. I'm soft, and warm, and sound, -may it please ye. Whence comes it then, this Rascal -<em>Lopez</em>, who now has been two Hours in the Family, has -not yet thought it worth his while, to make one Motion -towards me? Not that the Blockhead's Charms have -moved me, but I'm angry mine han't been able to -move him. I doubt, I must begin with the Lubber: -my Reputation's at stake upon't, and I must rouze the -Drone, somehow.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em><span class="antiqua">Lopez</span> rubbing his Eyes, and coming on.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> What a damn'd Condition is that of a Valet! -No sooner do I, in comfortable Slumber, close my -Eyes, but methinks my Master's upon me, with fifty -Slaps o' th' Back, for making him wait in the Street. -I have his Orders to let him in here to-night, and so I -had e'en——Who's that?——<em>Jacinta!</em>——Yes, a-caterwauling!—like -enough.</p> - -<p><em>Jac.</em> The Fellow's there; I had best not lose the -Occasion.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> The Slut's handsome. I begin to kindle: But -if my master shou'd be at the Door——Why there let -him be, till the Matter's over.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_340" id="Page_340">[Pg 340]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p><em>Jac.</em> Shall I advance?</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Shall I venture?</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p><em>Jac.</em> How severe a Look he has!</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> She seems very reserv'd.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p><em>Jac.</em> If he shou'd put the Negative upon me.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> She seems a Woman of great Discretion; I -tremble.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p><em>Jac.</em> Hang it, I must venture.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Faint Heart never won fair Lady.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p><em>Jac.</em> <em>Lopez</em>!</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> <em>Jacinta</em>!</p> - -<p><em>Jac.</em> O dear Heart! Is't you?</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Charming <em>Jacinta</em>, fear me not.</p> - -<p><em>Jac.</em> O ho! he begins to talk soft——then let us -take upon us again.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Cruel <em>Jacinta</em>, whose Mouth (small as it is) has -made but one Morsel of my Heart.</p> - -<p><em>Jac.</em> It's well he prevents me. I was going to leap -about the Rascal's Neck.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Barbare <em>Jacinta</em>, cast your Eyes -On your poor <em>Lopez</em>, ere he dies.</p> - -<p><em>Jac.</em> Poetry too! Nay then I have done his Business.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Feel how I burn with hot desire, -Ah! pity me, and quench my Fire. -Deaf, my fair Tyrant, deaf to my Woes! -Nay, then, Barbarian, in it goes.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Drawing a Knife.</em></p> - -<p><em>Jac.</em> Why, how now, Jack Sauce? why, how now, -Presumption? What Encouragement have I given you, -Jack-a-lent, to attack me with your Tenders? I cou'd -tear your Eyes out, Sirrah, for thinking I'm such a -one. What Indecency have you seen in my Behaviour, -Impudence, that you shou'd think me for your beastly -Turn, you Goat, you?</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Patience, my much offended Goddess, 'tis honourably -I wou'd share your Bed.</p> - -<p><em>Jac.</em> Peace, I say—Mr. <em>Liquorish</em>. I, for whom the -most successful Cavaliers employ their Sighs in vain, -shall I look down upon a crawling Worm? Pha—See<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_341" id="Page_341">[Pg 341]</a></span> -that Crop Ear there, that Vermin that wants to eat at -a Table, would set his Master's Mouth a-watering.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> May I presume to make an humble Meal upon -what savoury Remnants he may leave?</p> - -<p><em>Jac.</em> No.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> 'Tis hard! 'tis wondrous hard!</p> - -<p><em>Jac.</em> Leave me.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> 'Tis pitiful, 'tis wondrous pitiful!</p> - -<p><em>Jac.</em> Begone, I say. -Thus, Ladies 'tis, perhaps, sometimes with you; -With Scorn you fly the Thing, which you pursue.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Jac</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> [<em>Solus.</em>] 'Tis very well, Mrs. Flipflap, 'tis very -well; but do you hear——Tawdry, you are not so -alluring as you think you are——Comb-brush, nor I -so much in love——your Maidenhead may chance to -grow mouldy with your Airs—the Pox be your Bedfellow; -there's that for you. Come, let's think no more -on't. Sailors must meet with Storms; my Master's -going to Sea, too. He may chance to fare no better -with the Lady, than I have done with her <em>Abigail</em>: -There may be foul Weather there, too. I reckon, at -present, he may be lying by under a Mizen, at the -Street-Door; I think it rains too, for his Comfort. -What if I shou'd leave him there an Hour or two, in -fresco, and try to work off the Amour that Way? No; -People will be physick'd their own Way. But, perhaps, -I might save his Life by't——yes, and have -my Bones broke, for being so officious; therefore, if -you are at the Door, Don John, walk in, and take -your Fortune.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Opens the Door.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Don <span class="antiqua">John</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Hist! hist!</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Hist! hist!</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> <em>Lopez</em>!</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] The Devil—Tread softly.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Are they all asleep?</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Dead.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Enough; shut the Door.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> 'Tis done.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_342" id="Page_342">[Pg 342]</a></span></p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Now, begone.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> What! Shut the Door first, and then begone! -Now, methinks, I might as well have gone first, and -then shut the Door.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> I bid you begone, you Dog, you, do you -find the way.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Stark mad, and always so when a Woman's -in chace. But, Sir, will you keep your chief -Minister out of the Secrets of your State? Pray, let me -know what this Night's Work is to be.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> No Questions, but march.</p> - -<p class="directright">[Lop. <em>goes to the Door, and returns</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Very well—— -But, Sir, shall I stay for you in the Street?</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> No, nor stir out of the House.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> So: well, Sir, I'll do just as you have order'd -me; I'll be gone, and I'll stay; and I'll march, and -I won't stir, and—just as you say, Sir.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> I see you are afraid, you Rascal, you.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Possibly.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John</em>. Well, be it so; but you shan't leave the -House, Sir; therefore, begone to your Hogstye, and -wait further Orders.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] But, first, I'll know how you intend to -dispose of yourself.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em><span class="antiqua">Lop.</span> hides behind the Door.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Don <span class="antiqua">John</span> solus.</em> -</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> All's hush and still; and I am at the -Point of being a happy——Villain. That Thought -comes uninvited——Then, like an uninvited Guest, -let it be treated: Begone, Intruder. <em>Leonora</em>'s Charms -turn Vice to Virtue, Treason into Truth; Nature, -who has made her the supreme Object of our Desires, -must needs have designed her the Regulator of our -Morals. Whatever points at her, is pointed right. -We are all her due, Mankind's the Dower which Heaven -has settled on her; and he's the Villain that would -rob her of her Tribute. I, therefore, as in Duty -bound, will in, and pay her mine.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] There he goes, i'faith; he seem'd as<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_343" id="Page_343">[Pg 343]</a></span> -if he had a Qualm just now; but he never goes without -a Dram of Conscience-Water about him, to set -Matters right again.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] This is her Door, 'tis lock'd; but -I have a Smith about me will make her Staple fly.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Pulls out some Irons, and forces the Lock.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Hark! hark! if he is not equipt for a -Housebreaker, too. Very well, he has provided two -Strings to his Bow; if he 'scapes the Rape, he may be -hang'd upon the Burglary.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] There, 'tis done, so: No Watch-Light -burning? [<em>Peeping into her Chamber.</em>] All in -darkness? So much the better, 'twill save a great deal -of blushing on both Sides. Methinks I feel myself -mighty modest, I tremble too; that's not proper at -this Time. Be firm, my Courage, I have Business for -thee—So—How am I now? Pretty well. Then by -your Leave, Don <em>Pedro</em>, I must supply your Neglect. -You should not have married till you were ready for -Consummation; a Maidenhead ought no more to lie -upon a handsome Bride, than an Impeachment upon -an innocent Minister.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em><span class="antiqua">Don</span> John enters the Chamber.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> [<em>Coming forwards.</em>] Well done, well done; -God-a-mercy, my little <em>Judas</em>. Unfortunate Don -<em>Pedro</em>! thou hast left thy Purse in the Hands of a -Robber; and while thou art galloping to pay the last -Duty to thy Father, he's at least upon the Trot to pay -the first to thy Wife. Ah the Traitor! What a <em>Capilotade</em> -of Damnation will there be cook'd up for him! -But softly: Let's lay our Ear to the Door, and pick up -some Curiosities——I hear no Noise——There's no -Light; we shall have him blunder where he should not -do, by and by——commit a Rape upon her Tea-Table, -perhaps, break all her China, and then she'll -be sure to hang him. But hark—now I hear—nothing; -she does not say a Word; she sleeps curiously. -How if she shou'd take it all for a Dream, now? Or -her Virtue shou'd be fallen into an Apoplexy? Where -the Pox will all this end?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_344" id="Page_344">[Pg 344]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> [<em>Within.</em>] <em>Jacinta</em>! <em>Beatrix</em>! <em>Fernandez</em>! -Murder! Murder! help! help! help!</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Now the Play begins, it opens finely.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> [<em>Within.</em>] Father! <em>Alphonso!</em> Save me, O save -me!</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Comedy or Tragedy, for a Ducat! for fear of -the latter, decamp <em>Lopez</em>.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Lopez</span>.</em></p> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em> <em>changes to <span class="antiqua">Leonora</span>'s Bed-Chamber; -discovers <span class="antiqua">Leonora</span> in a Gown, holding Don <span class="antiqua">John</span> -by the Sleeve.</em></h4> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Whoever you are, Villain, you shan't escape -me; and tho' your Efforts have been in vain, you -shan't fail to receive the Recompence of your Attempt: -Help, ho, help there! help!</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Don <span class="antiqua">John</span> breaks from her, but can't find the Door.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] S'death, I shall be undone! -Where is this damn'd Door?</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> He'll get away: a Light there, quickly.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Don <span class="antiqua">Guzman</span> with his Sword drawn.</em> -</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Where are you, fair Angel? I come to -lose my Life in your Defence.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] That's <em>Guzman</em>'s Voice? The -Devil has sent him: But we are still in the dark; I -have one <em>Tour</em> yet—Impudence, be my Aid. Light -there, ho! Where is the Villain that durst attempt the -virtuous <em>Leonora</em>.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> His Life shall make her Satisfaction.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Or mine shall fall in his pursuit.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> 'Tis by my Hands that she shall see -him die.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> My Sword shall lay him bleeding at her -Feet.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] What can this mean? But here's Light -at last, thank the just bounteous Heaven.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Enter with the Light there; but secure -the Door, lest the Traitor 'scape my Vengeance.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_345" id="Page_345">[Pg 345]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Don <span class="antiqua">Pedro</span>, with a Light, he finds <span class="antiqua">Leonora</span> between -them; both their Swords drawn.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> O Heavens! what is't I see?</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Don <em>Pedro</em> here!</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> What monstrous Scene is this?</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> What Accident has brought him here?</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> How I'm intrigu'd, indeed.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Aside.</em></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Don <span class="antiqua">Pedro</span> steps back and shuts the Door.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] This Mystery must unfold before -we part. What Torments has my Fate provided me? -Is this the Comfort I'm to reap, to dry my Tears, for -my poor Father's death? [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Leo</span>.</em>] Ah <em>Leonora</em>!</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Alas! where will this end!</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Falling into a Chair.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Naked! and thus attended at the -dead of Night! My Soul is froze at what I see. Confusion -sits in all their Faces, and in large Characters I -read the Ruin of my Honour and my Love.</p> - -<p>[<em>To the Men.</em>] Speak, Statues, if you yet have Power -to speak, why at this Time of Night you are found with -<em>Leonora</em>?——None speak! Don <em>John</em>, it is from you I -ought to know.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> My Silence may inform you.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Your Silence does inform me of my Shame, -but I must have some Information more; explain the -whole.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> I shall. You remember, Don <em>Pedro</em>——</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Be quick.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> You remember you charged me before -you went——</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> I remember well; go on.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> With the Care of your Honour.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> I did; dispatch.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Very well; you see Don <em>Guzman</em> in this -Apartment, you see your Wife naked, and you see me, -my Sword in my Hand;—that's all.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> [<em>Drawing upon Don <span class="antiqua">Guz</span>.</em>] 'Tis here, then, -I am to revenge my Wrongs.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_346" id="Page_346">[Pg 346]</a></span></p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Hold.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Villain, defend thyself.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> O Heaven!</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Yet hear me.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> What canst thou say?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> The Truth, as holy Heaven itself is -Truth! I heard the Shrieks and Cries of <em>Leonora</em>; what -the Occasion was I knew not; but she repeated them -with so much Vehemence, I found, whatever her Distress -might be, her Succour must be sudden; so leapt -the Wall that parts our Houses, and flew to her Assistance. -Don <em>John</em> can, if he please, inform you more.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Mankind's a Villain, and this -may be true; yet 'tis too monstrous for a quick Conception. -I shou'd be cautious how I wrong Don <em>John</em>. -Sure 'tis not right to balance. I yet have but their -Words against their Words; I know Don <em>John</em> for my -Friend, and <em>Guzman</em> for my Rival. What can be clearer? -Yet hold! If <em>Leonora</em>'s innocent, she may untangle all. -Madam, I shou'd be glad to know (if I have so much -Interest left) which Way your Evidence will point my -Sword.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> My Lord, I'm in the same Perplexity with you: -All I can say is this; one of them came to force me, -t'other to save me: but the Night confounding the -Villainy of the Guilty with the Generosity of the Innocent, -I still am ignorant to which I owe my Gratitude, -or my Resentment.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> But, Madam, did you not hear me cry, -I came to help you?</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> I own it.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> And did you not hear me threaten to destroy -the Author of your Fears?</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> I can't deny it.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> What can there be more to clear me?</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Or me?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Yet one's a Villain still.</p> - -<p>[<em>Aside.</em>] My Confusion but increases; yet why confus'd? -It is, it must be <em>Guzman</em>. But how came Don -<em>John</em> here? Right. <em>Guzman</em> has said how he came to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_347" id="Page_347">[Pg 347]</a></span> -her Aid, but <em>Alvarada</em> cou'd not enter but by Treason. -Then perish——</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em>. Who?</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Who?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Just Gods, instruct me who!</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Don. <span class="antiqua">Felix</span> knocks.</em> -</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> [<em>Within.</em>] Let me in, open the Door.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> 'Tis my Father.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> No Matter; keep the Door fast. -[<em>Aside.</em>] I'll have this Matter go no further, till I can -reach the Depth on't. Don <em>Guzman</em>, leave the House; -I must suspend my Vengeance for a Time.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> I obey you; but I'll lose my Life, or -shew my Innocence.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Don <span class="antiqua">Guz</span>.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> [<em>Within.</em>] Open the Door; why am I kept -out?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Don <em>John</em>, follow me by this back Way. -And you, <em>Leonora</em>, retire.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Leonora</span>.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> [<em>Aside, following Don <span class="antiqua">Ped</span>.</em>] If Don <em>Guzman</em>'s -Throat were cut, would not this Bustle end?—Yes——Why -then, if his Throat be not cut, may this -Bustle end me!</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-361.jpg" width="700" height="41" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="ACT_IV5" id="ACT_IV5"><em class="gesperrt">ACT</em> IV.</a></h3> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>Don</em> Guzman's <em>House</em>.</h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Don <span class="antiqua">Guzman</span>, and <span class="antiqua">Galindo</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> <em><span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">G</span>alindo!</span></em></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Musing.</em></p> - -<p><em>Gal.</em> Sir.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Try if you can see <em>Jacinta</em>, let her privately -know I wou'd fain speak with her.</p> - -<p><em>Gal.</em> It shall be done, Sir.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit. <span class="antiqua">Gal</span>.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Don <span class="antiqua">Guzman</span> solus.</em> -</p> - -<p>Sure Villainy and Impudence were never on the -Stretch before! This Traitor has racked them till<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_348" id="Page_348">[Pg 348]</a></span> -they crack. To what a Plunge the Villain's <em>Tour</em> has -brought me. <em>Pedro</em>'s Resentment must at last be pointed -here: But that's a Trifle; had he not ruin'd me -with <em>Leonora</em>, I easily had pass'd him by the rest.——What's -to be done? Which Way shall I convince her -of my Innocence? The Blood of him who has dar'd -declare me Guilty, may satisfy my Vengeance, but not -aid my Love. No; I'm lost with her for ever——</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Jacinta</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p>Speak: is't not so, <em>Jacinta</em>? Am I not ruin'd with -the virtuous <em>Leonora</em>?</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> One of you, I suppose, is.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Which dost thou think?</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Why he that came to spoil all; who shou'd -it be?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Pr'ythee be serious with me if thou can'st, -for one small Moment, and advise me which Way I -shall take to convince her of my Innocence, that it was -I that came to do her Service.</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Why, you both came to do her Service, did -not you?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Still trifling.</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> No, by my Troth, not I.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Then turn thy Thoughts to ease me in -my Torment, and be my faithful Witness to her, that -Heaven and Hell and all their Wrath I imprecate, if -ever once I knew one fleeting Thought that durst propose -to me so impious an Attempt. No, <em>Jacinta</em>, I -love her well; but love with that Humility, whatever -Misery I feel, my Torture ne'er shall urge me on to -seize more than her Bounty gives me leave to take.</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> And the Murrain take such a Lover, and his -Humility both, say I. Why, sure, Sir, you are not -in earnest in this Story; are you?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Why dost thou question it?</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Because I really and seriously thought you innocent.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Innocent! What dost thou mean?</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Mean! Why, what shou'd I mean? I mean -that I concluded you lov'd my Lady to that Degree,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_349" id="Page_349">[Pg 349]</a></span> -you cou'd not live without her: And that the Thought -of her being given up to another, made your Passion -flame out like Mount <em>Etna</em>: That upon this your -Love got the Bridle in his Teeth, and ran away with -you into her Chamber, where that impertinent Spy -upon her and you, Don <em>John</em>, follow'd, and prevented -farther Proofs of your Affection.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Why, sure——</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Why, sure, thus I thought it was, and thus -she thinks it is. If you have a Mind in the Depth of -your Discretion, to convince her of your Innocence—May -your Innocence be your Reward! I'm sure were I -in her Place, you shou'd never have any other from me.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Was there then no Merit in flying to her -Assistance when I heard her Cries?</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> As much as the Constable and the Watch -might have pretended to—something to drink.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> This is all Raillery; 'tis, impossible she -can be pleas'd with such an Attempt.</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> 'Tis impossible she can be pleas'd with being -reduc'd to make the Attempt upon you.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> But was this a proper Way to save her -Blushes?</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> 'Twas in the dark; that's one Way.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> But it must look like downright Violation.</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> If it did not feel like it, what did that signify? -Come, Sir, Waggery apart: You know I'm -your Servant; I have given you Proofs on't. Therefore, -don't distrust me now, if I tell you, this Quarrel -may be made up with the Wife, tho' perhaps not with -the Husband. In short, she thinks you were first in her -Chamber, and has not the worse Opinion of you for -it; she makes Allowance for your Sufferings, and has -still Love enough for you, not to be displeas'd with -the utmost Proofs you can give, that you have still a -warm Remain for her.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> If this be true, and that she thought 'twas -me, why did me cry out to expose me?</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Because at this Time she did not think 'twas -you. Will that content you? And now she does think<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_350" id="Page_350">[Pg 350]</a></span> -'twas you, your Business is to let her think so on; for, -in a Word, I can see she's concern'd at the Danger she -has brought you into, and, I believe, wou'd be heartily -glad to see you well out on't.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em>——'Tis impossible she can forgive me.</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Oons—Now Heaven forgive me, for I had a -great Oath upon the very Tip of my Tongue; you'd -make one mad with your Impossibles, and your Innocence, -and your Humilities. 'Sdeath, Sir, do you think -a Woman makes no Distinction between the Assaults of -a Man she likes and one she don't? My Lady hates Don -<em>John</em>, and if she thought 'twas he had done this Job, -she'd hang him for't in her own Garters; she likes you, -and if you shou'd do such another, you might still die -in your Bed like a Bishop, for her.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Well, I'll dispute no farther. I put myself -into thy Hands. What am I to do next?</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Why, do as she bids you; be in the Way at -the old Rendezvous, she'll take the first Occasion she -can to speak to you; and when you meet, do as I bid -you, and instead of your Innocent and Humble, be -Guilty and Resolute. Your Mistress is now marry'd, -Sir; consider that. She has chang'd her Situation, and -so must you your Battery. Attack a Maid gently, a -Wife warmly, and be as rugged with a Widow as you -can. Good bye t'ye, Sir.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt several Ways.</em></p> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>Don</em> Felix's <em>House</em>.</h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Don <span class="antiqua">Pedro</span> solus.</em> -</p> - -<p class="drop-capw"><span class="smcap">In</span> what Distraction have I past this Night! Sure I -shall never close my Eyes again! No Rack can equal -what I feel. Wounded in both my Honour and my -Love; they have pierc'd me in two tender Parts. Yet -cou'd I take my just Revenge, it wou'd in some Degree -assuage my Smart. O! guide me Heaven to that -Cordial drop.——Hold! A Glance of Light I think -begins to——Yes——Right. When Yesterday I -brought Don <em>John</em> hither, was not Don <em>Felix</em> much -disturb'd?——He was; and why?——That may be -worth enquiring. But something more occurs. At my -Arrival in this City, was I not told that two Cavaliers<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_351" id="Page_351">[Pg 351]</a></span> -were warm in the Pursuit of <em>Leonora</em>? One I remember -well, they nam'd, 'twas <em>Guzman</em>: The other, I am -yet a Stranger to. I fear I shall not be so long——'Tis -<em>Alvarada</em>! O the Traitor! yet I may wrong him -much. I have <em>Guzman</em>'s own Confession that he past -the Wall to come to <em>Leonora</em>——O! but 'twas to her -Assistance——And so it might, and he a Villain still.—There -are Assistances of various Sorts——What were -her Wants?—That's dark—But whatsoe'er they were, -he came to her Assistance. Death be his Portion, for -his ready Service.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Don <span class="antiqua">Felix</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> You avoid me, Don <em>Pedro</em>; 'tis not well. -Am I not your Father, have you not Reason to believe -I am your Friend?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> I have.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> Why do you not then treat me like a Father -and a Friend? The Mystery you make to me of -last Night's Disturbance, I take unkindly from you.—Come, -tell me your Grief, that if I can I may assuage it.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Nothing but Vengeance can give me ease.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> If I desire to know your Wrongs, 'tis to assist -you in revenging 'em.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Know then, that last Night in this Apartment -I found Don <em>Guzman</em> and Don <em>John</em>.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> <em>Guzman</em> and <em>Alvarada</em>?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Yes; and <em>Leonora</em> almost naked between -them, crying out for Aid.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> Were they both guilty?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> One was come to force her, t'other to rescue -her.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> Which was the Criminal?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Of that I am yet ignorant. They accuse -each other.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> Can't your Wife determine it?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> The Darkness of the Night put it out of -her Power.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> But I perhaps may bring some Light to aid -you. I have Part in the Affront: And tho' my Arm's -too old and weak to serve you, my Counsel may be use<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_352" id="Page_352">[Pg 352]</a></span>ful -to your Vengeance. Know then, that Don <em>Guzman</em> -has a long Time pursu'd my Daughter; and I as resolutely -refus'd his Suit; which, however, has not hindered -him from searching all Occasions to see and speak -to her. Don <em>John</em>, on his Side——</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Don <em>John</em>'s my Friend, and I am confident——</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> That Confidence destroys you. Hear my -Charge, and be yourself his Judge. He too has been -a pressing Suitor to my Daughter.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Impossible!</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> To me myself, he has own'd his Love to -her.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em>. Good Gods! Yet still this leaves the Mystery -where it was; this Charge is equal.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> 'Tis true; but yonder's one (if you can -make her speak) I have Reason, to believe can tell us -more.——Ho, <em>Jacinta</em>!</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Jacinta</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Do you call me, Sir?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Fel.</em> Yes; Don <em>Pedro</em> wou'd speak with you. -[<em>To Don <span class="antiqua">Pedro</span> aside.</em>] I'll leave you with her; press her; -press her both by Threats and Promises, and if you find -your Wife in Fault, old as I am, her Father too, I'll -raise my Arm to plunge this Dagger in her Breast, and -by that Firmness convince the world, my Honour's -dearer to me than my Child.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Don <span class="antiqua">Fel</span>.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Heaven grant me Power to stifle -my Rage, till 'tis Time to let my Vengeance fly. -<em>Jacinta</em>, come near: I have some Business with you.</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] His Business with me at this Time -can be good for nothing, I doubt.</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> [<em>To Don <span class="antiqua">Ped</span>.</em>] What Commands have you, Sir, -for me? I'm not very well.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> What's your Disorder?</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> A little Sort of a something towards an Ague, -I think.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> You don't seem so ill, but you may tell me—</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> O, I can tell you nothing, Sir, I assure you.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_353" id="Page_353">[Pg 353]</a></span></p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> You answer me before yon hear my Question. -That looks as if you knew——</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> I know that what you are going to ask me, is a -Secret I'm out at.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> [<em>Offering her a Purse.</em>] Then this shall let -thee into it.</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> I know nothing of the Matter.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Come, tell me all, and take thy Reward.</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> I know nothing of the Matter, I say.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> [<em>Drawing his Sword.</em>] Speak; or by all the -Flame and Fire of Hell Eternal—</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> O Lard, O Lard, O Lard!</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Speak, or th'art dead.</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> But if I do speak, shan't I be dead for all that?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Speak, and thou art safe.</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Well—O Lard—I'm so frighted—But if I -must speak then—O dear Heart—give me the Purse.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> There.</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Why truly, between a Purse in one's Hand—and—a -Sword in one's Guts, I think there's little room -left for Debate.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Come begin, I'm impatient.</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Begin! let me see, where shall I begin? At -Don <em>Guzman</em>, I think.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> What of him?</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Why he has been in love with my Lady these -six Years.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> I know it; but how has she received him?</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Receive him! Why—as young Maids use to -receive handsome Fellows; at first ill, afterwards better.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Furies! -Did they ever meet?</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> A little.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> By Day or Night?</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Both.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Distraction! Where was their Rendezvous?</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Where they cou'd not do one another much -good.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> As how?</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> As through a Hole in a Wall.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_354" id="Page_354">[Pg 354]</a></span></p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> The Strumpet banters me: Be serious, Insolence, -or I shall spoil your Gaiety; I'm not dispos'd to -Mirth.</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Why I am serious, if you like my Story the -better for't.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] How miserable a Wretch am I!</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> I tell you there's a Wall parts their two Houses, -and in that Wall there's a Hole. How the Wall came -by the Hole, I can't tell; mayhap by chance, mayhap -by no chance; but there 'tis, and there they use to -prattle.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> And this is Truth?</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> I can't bate you a Word on't, Sir.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> When did they meet there last?</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Yesterday; I suppose 'twas only to bid one -another adieu.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Ah, <em>Jacinta</em>, thou hast pierced my Soul!</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] And yet I han't told you half I cou'd -tell you, my Don.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Where is this Place you speak of?</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> There 'tis, if you are curious.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> When they wou'd speak with one another; -what's the Call?</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Tinkle, Tinkle.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> A Bell?</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> It is.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Ring.</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> What do you mean, Sir?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> [<em>Hastily.</em>] Ring.</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> 'Tis done.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] I'll make use of her to examine -him. Does he come?</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> Not yet.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Pull again.</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> You must give him Time, Sir: My Lady always -does so.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> I hear something.</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> 'Tis he.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> [<em>Within.</em>] Who's there?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em>.. [<em>Softly.</em>] Say you are <em>Leonora</em>.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_355" id="Page_355">[Pg 355]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Dumb Shew of her Unwillingness and his Threatning.</em></p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> [<em>Softly.</em>] 'Tis <em>Leonora</em>.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> What are your Commands, Madam? Is -it possible so unfortunate a Wretch as I can be capable -of serving you?</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em><span class="antiqua">Don</span> Ped. whispers <span class="antiqua">Jacinta</span>, who seems backwards to -speak.</em></p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> I come to ask you, how cou'd you so far forget -that infinite Regard you have professed, as to make an -Attempt so dangerous both to yourself and me; and -which, with all the Esteem and Love I have ever borne -you, you scarce cou'd hope I ever shou'd forgive you.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Alas! my Hopes and Fears were vanish'd -too. My Counsel was my Love and my Despair. If -they advis'd me wrong, of them complain, for it was -you who made 'em my Directors.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] The Villain owns the Fact. It -seems he thinks he has not so much to fear from her Resentment.——O -Torture!</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Leonora</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] So, she's here; that's as I expected: -now we are blown up.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> [<em>Aside, not seeing them.</em>] If I don't mistake, I -heard Don <em>Guzman</em>'s Call. I can't refuse to answer it. -Forgive me, Gods, and let my Woman's Weakness plead -my Cause.—How! my Husband here! Nay then——</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> You seem disorder'd, Madam; pray, what -may be the Cause?</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> [<em>Confus'd.</em>] I don't know, really; I'm not——I -don't know that——</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> You did not know that I was here, I guess?</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Yes, I did, and——came to speak with you.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> I'm not at present in a talking Humour, -but if your Tongue is set to Conversation, there's one -behind the Wall will entertain you.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> But is it possible, fair <em>Leonora</em>, that you -can pardon my Attempt?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> [<em>To Leo.</em>] You hear him, Madam; he dares -own it to you.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_356" id="Page_356">[Pg 356]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] <em>Jacinta</em> winks; I guess what Scene -they have been acting here. My Part is now to play.</p> - -<p>[<em>To Don <span class="antiqua">Ped</span>.</em>] I see, Sir, he dares own it: Nor is he -the first lover has pressum'd beyond the Countenance he -ever has receiv'd. Pray draw near, and hear what he -has more to say: It is my Interest you shou'd know the -Depth of all has ever passed between us.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> [<em>To Don <span class="antiqua">Guz</span>.</em>] I fain wou'd know, Don <em>Guzman</em>, -whether in the whole Conduct of my Life, you have -known one step, that cou'd encourage you to hope I ever -cou'd be yours, but on the Terms of Honour which -you sought me?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Not one.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> Why then should you believe I cou'd forgive the -taking that by Force, which you already were convinc'd -I valu'd more the keeping, than my Life?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Had my Love been as temperate as yours, -I with your Reason had perhaps debated. But not in -Reason, but in Flames, I flew to <em>Leonora</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> If strong Temptation be allow'd a Plea, Vice, -in the worst of Shapes, has much to urge:—No, cou'd -any Thing have shaken me in Virtue, it must have been -the Strength of it in you. Had you shone bright enough -to dazzle me, I blindly might have missed the Path I -meant to tread: But now you have clear'd my Sight for -ever. If, therefore, from this Moment more you dare -to let me know one Thought of Love, though in the -humblest Stile, expect to be a Sacrifice to him you attempt -to wrong.——Farewel!</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>She retires from him.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> O stay and hear me!—I have wrong'd myself; -I'm innocent!—--By all that's sacred, just and -good, I'm innocent!</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] What does he mean?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> I have own'd a Fact I am not guilty of! -<em>Jacinta</em> can inform you; she knows I never——</p> - -<p><em>Jacin.</em> I know! The Man's mad: Pray, begone, -Sir, my Lady will hear no more; I'll shut him out, -Madam, shan't I?</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>She shuts the Hole.</em></p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> I have no farther Business with him.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_357" id="Page_357">[Pg 357]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Isabella</span> hastily.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> O Heavens, <em>Leonora</em>, where are you? Don -<em>Pedro</em>, you can assist me better.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> What's the Matter?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> What is it, Madam, I can serve you in?</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> In what the Peace of my whole Life consists; -the Safety of my Brother! Don <em>John</em>'s Servant has this -Moment left me a Letter for him, which I have open'd, -knowing there is an Animosity of some Time between 'em.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Well, Madam!</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> O dear, it is a Challenge, and what to do I -know not; if I shew it my Brother, he'll immediately -fly to the Place appointed; and if I don't, he'll be accus'd -of Cowardice. One way I risque his Life, -t'other I ruin his Honour.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> What wou'd you have me do, Madam?</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> I'll tell you, Sir: I only beg you'll go to the -Place where Don <em>John</em> expects him; tell him I have -intercepted his Letter, and make him promise you he'll -send no more: By this generous Charity you may hinder -two Men (whose, Piques are on a frivolous Occasion) -from murdering one another! And by this good Office, -you'll repay the small Debt you owe my Brother, -for flying last Night to <em>Leonora</em>'s Succour; and doubly -pay the Obligation you have to me, upon the same Occasion.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> What Obligation, Madam? I am ignorant; -pray inform me.</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> 'Twas I, Sir, that first heard <em>Leonora</em>'s Cries, -and rais'd my Brother to her Aid. Pray let me receive -the same Assistance from your Prudence, which you have -had from my Care, and my Brother's Generosity. But, -pray lose no Time. Don <em>John</em> is perhaps already on -the Spot, and not meeting my Brother, may send a -second Message, which may be fatal.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Madam, be at rest; you shall be satisfy'd, -I'll go this Moment. I'll only ask you first whether you -are sure you heard my Wife call out for Succour, before -your Brother past the Wall?</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> I did; why do you ask that Question?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_358" id="Page_358">[Pg 358]</a></span></p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> I have a Reason, you may be sure. -[<em>Aside.</em>] Just Heaven, I adore thee! The Truth at last -shines clear, and by that Villain <em>Alvarada</em> I'm betray'd. -But enough; I'll make Use of this Occasion for my -Vengeance. [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Isab</span>.</em>] Where, Madam, is it, Don -<em>John</em> is waiting?</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> But here, in a small Field, behind the Garden.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] His Blood shall do me Reason for -his Treachery.</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> Will you go there directly?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> I will. Be satisfy'd.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Ex. <span class="antiqua">Don Ped</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> You weep, <em>Isabella</em>?</p> - -<p><em>Isab.</em> You see my Trouble for a Brother for whom I -wou'd die, and a Lover for whom I wou'd live. They -both are Authors of my Grief.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> They both are Instruments of my Misfortune.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-372.jpg" width="700" height="35" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="ACT_V5" id="ACT_V5"><em class="gesperrt">ACT</em> V.</a></h3> - - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Lopez</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p class="drop-capw"><span class="smcap">Oho!</span> my good Signior Don <em>John</em>, you are mistaken -in your Man; I am your humble Valet, 'tis -true, and I am to obey you; but when you have got -the Devil in your Body, and are upon your Rantipole -Adventures, you shall <em>Quixote</em> it by yourself, for <em>Lopez</em>. -Yonder he is, waiting for poor <em>Guzman</em>, with a Sword -of a Fathom and a Half; a Dagger for close engagement; -and (if I don't mistake) a Pocket-pistol for extraordinary -Occasions. I think I am not in the wrong -to keep a little out of the Way: These Matters will -end in a Court of Justice, or I'm wrong in my Foresight: -Now that being a Place where I am pretty well -known, and not over-much reputed, I believe 'tis best, -neither to come in for Prisoner nor Evidence. But -hold; yonder comes another <em>Toledo</em>! Don <em>Guzman</em> I -presume, but I presume wrong, it is—who is it? Don -<em>Pedro</em>, by all the Powers! What the Pox does he here, -or what the Pox do I here? I'm sure as Matters stand, I<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_359" id="Page_359">[Pg 359]</a></span> -ought to fly him like a Creditor; but he sees me, 'tis -too late to slip him.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Don <span class="antiqua">Pedro</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> How now, <em>Lopez</em>; where are you going?</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> I'm going, Sir, I——I'm going—if you please——I'm -going about my Business.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> From whence do you come?</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Only, only, Sir, from—taking the Air a little, -I'm mightily muddled with a Whur——round about in -my Head, for this Day or two; I'm going home to -be let Blood, as fast as I can, Sir.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Hold, Sir; I'll let you Blood here.</p> - -<p>This Rascal may have borne some Part in this late -Adventure: He's a Coward; I'll try to frighten it out -of him.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Seizing him by the Collar, and drawing his Poniard.</em></p> - -<p>You Traitor, you, y' are dead.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Mercy, Don <em>Pedro</em>!</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Are you not a Villain?</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em><span class="antiqua">Lop.</span> kneeling.</em></p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Yes; if you please.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Is there so great a one upon Earth?</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> With respect to my Master——No.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Prepare then to die!</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Give me but Time, and I will. But, noble Don -<em>Pedro</em>, just Don <em>Pedro</em>, generous Don <em>Pedro</em>, what is it -I have done?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> What, if thou dar'st deny, I'll plunge -this Dagger deep into thy Throat, and drive the Falsehood -to thy Heart again. Therefore, take heed, and -on thy Life declare, didst thou not this last night -open my Doors to let Don <em>Guzman</em> in?</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Don <em>Guzman</em>!</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Don <em>Guzman</em>! Yes, Don <em>Guzman</em>, Traitor; -him.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Now may the Sky crush me, if I let in Don -<em>Guzman</em>.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Who did let you in then? It was not your -Master, sure! If it was him, you did your Duty; I have -no more to say.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Why then, if I let in any Body else, I'm a Son -of a Whore.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_360" id="Page_360">[Pg 360]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Rising.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Did he order you beforehand, or did you -do it upon his knocking?</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Why he—I'll tell you, Sir, he——pray put up -that Brilliant, it sparkles so in my Eyes, it almost blinds -me—thank you, Sir.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Don <span class="antiqua">Ped.</span> puts it up.</em></p> - -<p>Why, Sir, I'll tell you just how the Matter was, but -I hope you won't consider me as a Party.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Go on; thou art safe.</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Why then, Sir, when (for our Sins) you had -left us, says my Master to me, <em>Lopez</em>, says he, go and -stay at old Don <em>Felix</em>'s House, till Don <em>Pedro</em> returns; -they'll pass thee for his Servant, and think he has order'd -thee to stay there. And then, says he, dost hear, -open me the Door by <em>Leonora</em>'s Apartment to-night, for -I have a little Business, says he, to do there.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] Perfidious Wretch!</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Indeed, I was at first a little resty, and stood off; -being suspicious (for I knew the Man) that there might -be some ill Intentions. But he knew me too, takes me -upon the weak Side, whips out a long Sword, and by -the same Means makes me do the Thing, as you have -made me discover it.—[<em>Aside.</em>] There's neither Liberty -nor Property in this Land, since the Blood of the <em>Bourbons</em> -came amongst us.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Then you let him in, as he bid you?</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> I did: If I had not, I had never lived to tell -you the Story. Yes, I let him in.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> And what follow'd?</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Why, he follow'd.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> What?</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> His Inclinations.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Which Way?</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> The old Way:—To a Woman.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em>. Confound him!</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> In short, he got to Madam's Chamber, and before -he had been there long, (tho' you know, Sir, a -little Time goes a great Way in some Matters) I heard -such a clutter of small Shot, Murder, Murder, Murder, -Rape, Fire, Help, and so forth—But hold, here he comes<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_361" id="Page_361">[Pg 361]</a></span> -himself, and can give you a more circumstantial Account -of the Skirmish.</p> - -<p><em>Don Ped.</em> I thank thee, Heaven, at last, for having -pointed me to the Victim I am to sacrifice.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Ex. <span class="antiqua">Lop.</span></em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Don <span class="antiqua">John</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p>[<em>Drawing.</em>] Villain, defend thyself.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> What do you mean?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> To punish a Traitor.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Where is he?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> In the Heart of a sworn Friend.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] I saw <em>Lopez</em>, go from him, without -doubt he has told him all.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>To Don <span class="antiqua">Ped</span>.</em></p> - -<p>Of what am I suspected?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Of betraying the greatest Trust that Man -cou'd place in Man.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> And by whom am I accus'd?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> By me: Have at thy Traitor's Heart!</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Hold! And be not quite a Madman.—<em>Pedro</em>, -you know me well: You know I am not backward -upon these Occasions, nor shall I refuse you any -Satisfaction you'll demand; but first, I will be heard, -and tell you, That for a Man of Sense, you are pleas'd -to make very odd Conclusions.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Why, what is it possible thou canst invent -to clear thyself?</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> To clear myself! Of what? I'm to be -thank'd for what I have done, and not reproach'd. I -find I have been an Ass, and push'd my Friendship to -that Point, you find not Virtue in yourself enough to -conceive it in another. But henceforward, I shall be a -better Husband of it.</p> - -<p><em>Don Ped.</em> I shou'd be loth to find Ingratitude cou'd -e'er be justly charg'd upon me: But after what your -Servant has confess'd——</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> My Servant! Right, my Servant! The -very Thing I guess'd. Fye, fye, Don <em>Pedro</em>; is it -from a Servant's Mouth a Friend condemns a Friend? -Or can Servants always judge at what their Master's -outward Actions point? But some Allowances I shou'd<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_362" id="Page_362">[Pg 362]</a></span> -make for the wild Agitation you must needs be in. I'm -therefore calm, and thus far pass all by.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> If you are innocent, Heaven be my Aid, -that I may find you so. But still——</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> But still you wrong me, if you still suspect. -Hear then, in short, my part of this Adventure. -In order to acquit myself of the Charge you laid upon -me in your Absence, I went last night, just as 'twas -dark, to view the several Approaches of the House -where you had left your Wife; and I observ'd not far -from one of the back Doors, two Persons in close eager -Conference: I was disguis'd, so ventur'd to pass near -'em, and by a Word or two I heard, I found 'twas -<em>Guzman</em> talking to <em>Jacinta</em>. My Concern for your -Honour, made me at first resolve to call him to an immediate -Account. But then reflecting that I might -possibly over-hear some Part of their Discourse, and by -that judge of <em>Leonora</em>'s Thoughts, I rein'd my Passion -in; and by the help of an advancing Buttress, which -kept me from their Sight, I learnt the black Conspiracy. -Don <em>Guzman</em> said, he had great Complaint to make; -and since his honourable Love had been so ill return'd, -he could with ease forgive himself, if by some rougher -Means he should procure, what Prayers and Tears and -Sighs had urg'd in vain.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Go on.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> His kind Assistant clos'd smoothly with -him, and inform'd him with what ease that very Night -she'd introduce him to her Chamber. At last, they -parted, with this Agreement, that at some Overture -in a Wall, he should expect her to inform him when -<em>Leonora</em> was in Bed, and all the Coast was clear.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Dispatch the rest—Is't possible after all he -should be innocent!</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> I must confess the Resolution taken, made -me tremble for you: How to prevent it now and for -ever, was my next Care. I immediately order'd <em>Lopez</em> -to go lie at Don <em>Felix</em>'s, and to open me the Door when -all the Family were in Bed. He did as I directed him. -I enter'd, and in the dark found my way to <em>Leonora</em>'s<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_363" id="Page_363">[Pg 363]</a></span> -Apartment. I found the Door open, at which I was -surpriz'd. I thought I heard some stirring in her Chamber, -and in an Instant heard her cry for Aid. At this -I drew, and rush'd into the Room, which <em>Guzman</em>, -alarm'd at, cry'd out to her Assistance. His ready Impudence, -I must confess, at first quite struck me speechless; -but in a Moment I regain'd my Tongue, and -loud proclaim'd the Traitor.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Is't possible?</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Yet more: your Arrival hindring me at -that Time from taking Vengeance for your Wrong, I -at this Instant expect him here, to punish him (with -Heaven's righteous Aid) for daring to attempt my -Ruin with the Man, whose Friendship I prefer to all -the Blessings Heaven and Earth dispense. And now, -Don <em>Pedro</em>, I have told you this, if still you have a -Mind to take my Life, I shall defend it with the self-same -Warmth I intended to expose it in your Service.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Draws.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] If I did not know he was in love -with <em>Leonora</em>, I could be easily surpriz'd with what he -has told me. But—But yet 'tis certain he has destroyed -the Proofs against him; and if I only hold him guilty -as a Lover; why must Don <em>Guzman</em> pass for innocent? -Good Gods, I am again returning to my Doubts!</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] I have at last reduc'd him to a -Balance, but one Lye more tost in, will turn the Scale.</p> - -<p><em>To Don <span class="antiqua">Ped.</span></em>] One Obligation more, my Friend, you -owe me; I thought to have let it pass, but it shall out. -Know then, I lov'd, like you, the beauteous <em>Leonora</em>; -but from the Moment I observ'd how deep her Dart had -pierc'd you, tore my Passion from my bleeding Heart, -and sacrific'd my Happiness to yours. Now, I have -no more to plead; if still you think your Vengeance is -my due, come pay it me.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Rather ten thousand Poignards strike me -dead! O <em>Alvarada</em>! can you forgive a wild distracted -Friend? Gods! Whither was my jealous Frenzy leading -me? Can you forget this barbarous Injury?</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> I can: No more. But for the future, -think me what I am, a faithful and a zealous Friend.—<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_364" id="Page_364">[Pg 364]</a></span>Retire, -and leave me here. In a few Moments I hope -to bring you further Proofs on't. <em>Guzman</em> I instantly -expect, leave me to do you Justice on him.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> That must not be. My Revenge can ne'er -be satisfy'd by any other Hand but this.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Then let That do't. You'll in a Moment -have an Opportunity.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> You mistake; he won't be here.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> How so?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> He has not had your Challenge. His Sister -intercepted it, and desired I wou'd come to prevent the -Quarrel.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> What then is to be done?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> I'll go and find him out immediately.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Very well: Or hold——[<em>Aside.</em>] I must -hinder 'em from talking. Gossiping may discover me. -Yes: let's go and find him: Or, let me see——Aye,——'twill -do better.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> What?</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Why——That the Punishment should -suit the Crime.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Explain.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Attack him by his own Laws of War— -'Twas in the Night he would have had your Honour, -and in the Night you ought to have his Life.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> His Treason cannot take the Guilt from -mine.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> There is no Guilt in fair Retaliation. -When 'tis a Point of Honour sounds the Quarrel, the -Laws of Sword-Men must be kept, 'tis true: But if a -Thief glides in to seize my Treasure, methinks I may -return the Favour on my Dagger's Point, as well as -with my Sword of Ceremony six Times as long.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Yet still the nobler Method I wou'd choose; -it better satisfies the Vengeance of a Man of Honour.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> I own it, were you sure you shou'd succeed: -But the Events of Combats are uncertain. Your -Enemy may 'scape you: You perhaps may only wound -him; you may be parted. Believe me, <em>Pedro</em>, the Injury's -too great for a Punctilio Satisfaction.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_365" id="Page_365">[Pg 365]</a></span></p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Well, guide me as you please, so you direct -me quickly to my Vengeance. What do you propose?</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> That which is as easy, as 'tis just to execute. -The Wall he passed, to attempt your Wife, let us get -over to prevent his doing so any more. 'Twill let us -into a private Apartment by his Garden, where every -Evening in his amorous Solitudes he spends some Time -alone, and where I guess his late fair Scheme was drawn. -The Deed done, we can retreat the Way we enter'd; -let me be your Pilot, 'tis now e'en dark, and the most -proper Time.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Lead on; I'll follow you.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] How many Villanies I'm forc'd -to act, to keep one secret!</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exeunt.</em></p> - - -<h4><em class="gesperrt">SCENE</em>, <em>Don. <span class="antiqua">Guzman</span>'s Apartments.</em></h4> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Don <span class="antiqua">Guzman</span>, sitting solus.</em> -</p> - -<p class="drop-capw"><span class="smcap">With</span> what Rigour does this unfaithful Woman treat -me! Is't possible it can be me, who appeared to love -me with so much Tenderness? How little stress is to be -laid upon a Woman's Heart! Sure they're not worth -those anxious Cares they give. [<em>Rising.</em>] Then burst my -Chains, and give me Room to search for nobler Pleasures. -I feel my Heart begin to mutiny for Liberty; -there is a Spirit in it yet, will struggle hard for Freedom: -but Solitude's the worst of Seconds. Ho! <em>Sancho</em>, -<em>Galindo</em>, who waits there? Bring some Lights.—Where -are you?</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter <span class="antiqua">Galindo</span>, rubbing his Eyes, and drunk.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Galin.</em> I can't well tell. Do you want me, Sir?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Yes, Sir, I want you. Why am I left in -the dark? What were you doing?</p> - -<p><em>Gal.</em> Doing, Sir! I was doing——what one does -when one sleeps, Sir.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Have you no Light without?</p> - -<p><em>Galin.</em> [<em>Yawning.</em>] Light!—--No, Sir,——I have -no Light. I'm us'd to Hardship, I can sleep in the -dark.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_366" id="Page_366">[Pg 366]</a></span></p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> You have been drinking, you Rascal, you -are drunk.</p> - -<p><em>Gal.</em> I have been drinking, Sir, 'tis true, but I am -not drunk. Every Man that is drunk, has been drinking, -confess'd. But every Man that has been drinking, -is not drunk.——Confess that too.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Who is't has put you in this Condition, -you Sot?</p> - -<p><em>Galin.</em> A very honest Fellow: Madam <em>Leonora</em>'s -Coachman, nobody else. I have been making a little -debauch with Madam <em>Leonora</em>'s Coachman; yes.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> How came you to drink with him, Beast?</p> - -<p><em>Gal.</em> Only <em>per</em> Complaisance, Sir. The Coachman -was to be drunk upon Madam's Wedding; and I being -a Friend, was desired to take Part.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> And so, you Villain, you can make yourself -merry, with what renders me miserable.</p> - -<p><em>Galin.</em> No, Sir, no; 'twas the Coachman was merry; -I drank with Tears in my Eyes. The remembrance of -your Misfortunes made me so sad, so sad, that every -Cup I swallow'd was like a Cup of Poison to me.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Without doubt.</p> - -<p><em>Galin.</em> Yes; and to mortify myself upon melancholy -Matters, I believe I took down fifty; yes.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Go fetch some Lights, you drunken Sot, -you.</p> - -<p><em>Galin.</em> I will, if I can find the [<em>Feeling for the Door and running against it.</em>] -Door, that's so say——The -Devil's in the Door; I think 'tis -grown too little for me——Shrunk this wet Weather, -I presume.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Ex. <span class="antiqua">Galin</span>.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Don <span class="antiqua">Guzman</span> alone.</em> -</p> - -<p>Absence, the old Remedy for Love, must e'en be -mine: to stay and brave the Danger, were Presumption: -Farewel <em>Valencia</em>, then, and farewel, <em>Leonora</em>. And -if thou can'st, my Heart, redeem thy Liberty, secure it -by a Farewel eternal to her Sex.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_367" id="Page_367">[Pg 367]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Re-enter <span class="antiqua">Galindo</span> with a Candle, he falls, and puts -it out.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Galin.</em> Here's light, Sir——So,——</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Well done. You sottish [<em>Passing angrily into another Chamber.</em>] -Rascal, come no more in my -Sight.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Ex. Don <span class="antiqua">Guz</span>.</em></p> - -<p><em>Galin.</em> These Boards are so uneven—— -You shall see now I shall neither find [<em>Rising and feeling about for the Candle.</em>] -the Candle——nor the Candlestick; -It shan't be for want of searching, -however.</p> - -<p>----O ho, have I got you? Enough, I'll look for your -Companion to-morrow.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Don <span class="antiqua">Pedro</span> and Don <span class="antiqua">John</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Where are we now?</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> We are in the Apartment I told you of——Softly——I -hear something stir——Ten to -one but 'tis he.</p> - -<p><em>Galin.</em> Don't I hear, somewhat?——No——when -one has Wine in one's Head, one has such a bustle in -one's Ears.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Pedro.</em> [<em>To Don <span class="antiqua">John</span>.</em>] Who is that is talking -to himself?</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> 'Tis his Servant, I know his Voice, keep -still.</p> - -<p><em>Galin.</em> Well; since my Master has banished me his -Sight, I'll redeem by my Obedience, what I have lost by -my Debauch. I'll go sleep twelve Hours in some melancholy -Hole where the Devil Shan't find me; yes.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit <span class="antiqua">Galindo</span>.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> He's gone; but hush, I hear somebody -coming.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Ho there! will nobody bring Light?</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Behind the Scene.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> 'Tis <em>Guzman</em>.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> 'Tis so, prepare.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Shall I own my Weakness? I feel an inward -Check; I wish this could be done some other way.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_368" id="Page_368">[Pg 368]</a></span></p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Distraction all! Is this a Time to balance? -Think on the Injury he would have done you, 'twill fortify -your Arm, and guide your Dagger to his Heart.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Enough, I'll hesitate no more; be satisfy'd; -hark! he's coming.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Don <span class="antiqua">Guzman</span> passes the Stage.</em> -</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> I think these Rogues are resolved to leave -me in the dark all Night.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit Don <span class="antiqua">Guz</span>.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Now's your Time, follow him and strike -home.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> To his Heart, if my Dagger will reach it.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Don <span class="antiqua">Pedro</span> follows him.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] If one be kill'd, I'm satisfy'd; -'tis no great Matter which.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Re-enter Don <span class="antiqua">Guzman</span>, Don <span class="antiqua">Pedro</span> following him, -with his Dagger ready to strike.</em> -</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] My Chamber Door's lock'd, and -I think I hear somebody tread——Who's there?——Nobody -answers. But still I hear something stir. Hola -there! <em>Sancho</em>, are you all drunk? Some Lights here, -quickly.</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Exit.</em></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Don <span class="antiqua">Guzman</span> passes by the Corner where <span class="antiqua">Don John</span> stands, -and goes of the Stage; Dan <span class="antiqua">Pedro</span> following him, stabs -Don <span class="antiqua">John</span>.</em> -</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> [<em>Aside.</em>] I think I'm near him now:——Traitor, -take that, my Wife has sent it thee.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Ah, I'm dead!</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Then thou hast thy Due.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> I have, indeed; 'tis I that have betray'd -thee.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> And 'tis I that am reveng'd on thee for -doing it.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> I wou'd have forc'd thy Wife.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Die then with the Regret to have fail'd in -thy Attempt.</p> - -<p>Don <em>John.</em> Farewel, if thou can'st forgive me—</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Dies.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> I have done the Deed, there's nothing left -but to make our Escape. Don <em>John</em>, where are you? -Let's begone, I hear the Servants coming.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_369" id="Page_369">[Pg 369]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em><span class="antiqua">Lopez</span> knocks hard at the Door.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Open there quickly, open the Door.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> That's <em>Lopez</em>, we shall be discover'd. But -'tis no great Matter, the Crime will justify the Execution; -but where's Don <em>John</em>? Don <em>John</em>, where are you?</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em><span class="antiqua">Lopez</span> knocks again.</em> -</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> Open the Door there, quickly. Madam, I saw -'em both pass the Wall; the Devil's in't if any good -comes on't.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> I am frightened out of my Senses: ho, <em>Isabella</em>!</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> 'Tis <em>Leonora</em>. She's welcome. With her -own Eyes let her see her <em>Guzman</em> dead.</p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em>Enter Don <span class="antiqua">Guzman</span>, <span class="antiqua">Leonora</span>, <span class="antiqua">Isabella</span>, <span class="antiqua">Jacinta</span> and -<span class="antiqua">Lopez</span>, with Lights.</em> -</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Ha! what is't I see? <em>Guzman</em> alive? -Then who art thou?</p> - -<p class="directright">[<em>Looking on Don <span class="antiqua">John</span>.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> <em>Guzman</em> alive! Yes, <em>Pedro</em>, <em>Guzman</em> is -alive.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> Then Heaven is just, and there's a Traitor -dead.</p> - -<p><em>Isabella weeps.</em>] Alas, Don <em>John</em>!</p> - -<p><em>Lop.</em> [<em>Looking upon Don <span class="antiqua">John</span>.</em>] <em>Bonus Nocius.</em></p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> What has produced this bloody Scene?</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> 'Tis I have been the Actor in't;——my -Poignard, <em>Guzman</em>, I intended in your Heart.——I -thought your Crime deserv'd it: but I did you wrong, -and my Hand in searching the Innocent, has by Heaven's -justice been directed to the Guilty. Don <em>John</em>, -with his last Breath, confess'd himself the Offender.—Thus -my Revenge is satisfied, and you are clear'd.</p> - -<p>Don <em>Guz.</em> Good Heaven, how equitable are thy -Judgments!</p> - -<p>Don <em>Ped.</em> [<em>To <span class="antiqua">Leo</span>.</em>] Come, Madam, my Honour now -is satisfied, and if you please my Love may be so too.</p> - -<p><em>Leo.</em> If it is not,</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em>You to yourself alone shall owe your Smart,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>For where I've given my Hand, I'll give my Heart.</em><br /></span> -</div></div> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_370" id="Page_370">[Pg 370]</a></span></p> -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/bar-384.jpg" width="700" height="80" alt="" /> -</div> -<div class="chapter"></div> - - - - -<h3><a name="EPILOGUE5" id="EPILOGUE5">EPILOGUE,</a></h3> - - -<p class="directcenter">Spoken by Mrs. <em>Oldfield</em>. -</p> - -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0"><em><span class="smcap"><span class="fauxcap">W</span>hat</span> say you, Sirs, d'ye think my Lady'll 'scape?</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>'Tis dev'lish hard to stand a Fav'rite's Rape.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Shou'd <span class="antiqua">Guzman</span>, like Don <span class="antiqua">John</span>, break in upon her,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>For all her Virtue, Heaven have Mercy on her:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Her Strength, I doubt, 's in his Irresolution,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>There's wond'rous Charms in vig'rous Execution.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Indeed you Men are Fools, you won't believe</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>What dreadful Things we Women can forgive:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>I know but one we never do pass by,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And that you plague us with eternally;</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>When in your courtly Fears to disoblige,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>You won't attack the Town which you beseige:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Your Guns are light, and planted out of Reach:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>D'ye think with Billet-doux to make a Breach?</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>'Tis Small-Shot all, and not a Stone will fly:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>Walls fall by Cannon, and by firing nigh:</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>In sluggish dull Blockades you keep the Field,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>And starve us ere we can with Honour yield.</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>In short——</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>We can't receive those Terms you gently tender,</em><br /></span> -<span class="i0"><em>But storm, and we can answer our Surrender.</em><br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p class="directcenter"><span class="smcap">END of the FIRST VOLUME</span> -</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_371" id="Page_371">[Pg 371]</a></span></p> - -<p class="directcenter"><em class="gesperrt">PLAYS</em> printed for <span class="smcap">T. Lowndes</span>, -at 6d. each. -</p> - - -<div class="center"> -<ul><li class="ifrst">A Bramule, by Dr. Trapp</li> -<li>Adventures of Half an Hour</li> -<li>Albion and Albanius, by Dryden</li> -<li>Alchymist, by Ben Johnson</li> -<li>Alcibiades, by Otway</li> -<li>All for Love, by Dryden</li> -<li>Ambitious Step-mother, by Rowe</li> -<li>Amboyna, by Dryden</li> -<li>Amphitryon, by Dryden</li> -<li>Anatomist, by Ravenscroft</li> -<li>Anna Bullen, by Bankes</li> -<li>As You Like It, by Shakespeare</li> -<li>Artful Husband, by Taverner</li> -<li>Athaliah, by Mr. Duncomb</li> -<li>Aurengzebe, by Dryden</li> - -<li class="indx">Bartholomew Fair, by Ben Johnson</li> -<li>Baffet Table, by Centlivre</li> -<li>Beaux Stratagem, by Farquhar</li> -<li>Beggar's Opera, by Gay</li> -<li>Biter, by Rowe</li> -<li>Bold Stroke for a Wife</li> -<li>British Enchanters, by Lansdown</li> -<li>Busiris, by Dr. Young</li> -<li>Busy Body, by Centlivre</li> - -<li class="indx">Caius Marius, by Otway</li> -<li>Careless Husband, by Cibber</li> -<li>Catiline, by Ben Johnson</li> -<li>Cato, by Addison</li> -<li>Chances, by D. Buckingham</li> -<li>Chaplet, by Mr. Mendez</li> -<li>Cleomenes, by Dryden</li> -<li>Cobler of Preston</li> -<li>Comedy of Errors, by Shakespeare</li> -<li>Conscious Lovers, by Cibber</li> -<li>Committee, by Sir R. Howard</li> -<li>Confederacy, by Vanbrugh</li> -<li>Conscious Lovers, by Steele</li> -<li>Constant Couple, by Farquhar</li> -<li>Contrivances, by Carey</li> -<li>Country Lasses, by B. Johnson</li> -<li>Country Wife, by Wycherly</li> -<li>Cymbeline, altered by Mr. Garrick</li> - -<li class="indx">Damon and Phillida, by Mr. Dibdin</li> -<li>Devil of a Wife</li> -<li>Devil to Pay, by Coffey</li> -<li>Distressed Mother, by Am. Philips</li> -<li>Don Carlos, by Otway</li> -<li>Double Dealer, by Congreve</li> -<li>Double Gallant, by Cibber</li> -<li>Dragon of Wantley -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_372" id="Page_372">[Pg 372]</a></span></li> -<li>Drummer, by Addison</li> -<li>Duke and no Duke, by Sir A. Cockain</li> -<li>Duke of Guise, by Dryden</li> - -<li class="indx">Earl of Essex, by Bankes</li> -<li>Every Man in his Humour</li> - -<li class="indx">Fair Penitent, by Rowe</li> -<li>Fair Quaker of Deal, by C. Shadwell</li> -<li>False Friend</li> -<li>Fatal Curiosity</li> -<li>Fatal Secret, by Theobald</li> -<li>Fiora, or Hob in the Well</li> -<li>Fox, by Ben Johnson</li> -<li>Friendship in Fashion, by Otway</li> -<li>Funeral, by Sir R. Steele</li> - -<li class="indx">Gamesier, by Mrs. Centlivre</li> -<li>Gentle Shepherd</li> -<li>George Barnwell, by Lillo</li> -<li>Gloriana</li> -<li>Greenwich Park</li> - -<li class="indx">Hamlet, by Shakespeare</li> -<li>Henry IV. 2 Parts, by ditto</li> -<li>Henry V. by ditto</li> -<li>Henry VI. 3 Parts, by ditto</li> -<li>Henry VIII. by ditto</li> -<li>Henry V. by Aaron Hill</li> -<li>Honest Yorkshireman</li> - -<li class="indx">Jane Gray, by Rowe</li> -<li>Jane Shore, by Rowe</li> -<li>Inconstant, by Farquhar</li> - -<li class="indx">King John, by Shakespeare</li> -<li>King Lear, by ditto</li> -<li>King Lear, by Tate</li> - -<li class="indx">Limberham, by Dryden</li> -<li>Love for Love, by Congreve</li> -<li>Love in a Mist</li> -<li>Love in a Tub, by Etherege</li> -<li>Love makes a Man, by C. Cibber</li> -<li>Love's Last shift, by Cibber</li> -<li>Lying Lover, by Steele</li> - -<li class="indx">Macbeth, by Shakespeare</li> -<li>Man of Mode, by Etherege</li> -<li>Marianne, by Fenton</li> -<li>Measure for Measure, by Shakespeare</li> -<li>Merchant of Venice, by Shakespeare</li> -<li>Mistake, by Vanbrugh</li> -<li>Mourning Bride, by Congreve</li> -<li>Much ado about Nothing</li> -<li>Mustapha, by Lord Orrery</li> - -<li class="indx">Nonjurer, by C. Cibber</li> - -<li class="indx">Oedipus, by Dryden</li> -<li>Old Bachelor, by Congreve</li> -<li>Oroonoko, by Southern</li> -<li>Orphan, by Otway</li> -<li>Othello, by Shakespeare</li> - -<li class="indx">Perjured Husband</li> -<li>Perolla and Isidora, by C. Cibber</li> -<li>Phædra and Hippolitus, by Smith</li> -<li>Pilgrim, by Beaumont and Fletcher</li> -<li>Polly, by Mr. Gay</li> -<li>Prophetess, by Beaumont</li> -<li>Provok'd Husband, by C. Cibber</li> -<li>Provok'd Wife, by Vanbrugh</li> - -<li class="indx">Recruiting Officer, by Farquhar</li> -<li>Refusal, by Cibber</li> -<li>Rehearsal, by of Buck.</li> -<li>Relapse, by Vanbrugh.</li> -<li>Revenge, by Dr. Young.</li> -<li>Richard III. by C. Cibber.</li> -</ul> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> -<img src="images/wingding-385.jpg" width="700" height="157" alt="" /> -</div> - -<div id="transnote"> - -<div class="chapter"></div> -<hr class="chap" /> - - - - -<h2><a name="TRANSCRIBERS_NOTES" id="TRANSCRIBERS_NOTES">TRANSCRIBER'S NOTES</a></h2> - -<p class="drop-capw"><span class="smcap">Drop</span> caps began most of -the Scene beginnings in volume 1. However, did not use drop caps for -any scene beginnings in volume 1 to conform to standard used in volume -2.</p> - -<p>Silently corrected simple spelling, grammar, and typographical errors.</p> - -<p>Retained anachronistic and non-standard spellings as printed.</p></div> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Plays, vol. 1, by John Vanbrugh - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PLAYS, VOL. 1 *** - -***** This file should be named 51113-h.htm or 51113-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/1/1/1/51113/ - -Produced by Richard Tonsing, Mark C. 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