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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. 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Simak - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - - - -Title: Second Childhood - -Author: Clifford D. Simak - -Release Date: January 25, 2016 [EBook #51037] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SECOND CHILDHOOD *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - -</pre> - - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/cover.jpg" width="376" height="500" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="titlepage"> -<h1>Second Childhood</h1> - -<p>By CLIFFORD D. SIMAK</p> - -<p>Illustrated by DON HUNTER</p> - -<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br /> -Galaxy Science Fiction February 1951.<br /> -Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br /> -the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p> - -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p class="ph3">Achieving immortality is only half of the problem.<br /> -The other half is knowing how to live with it once<br /> -it's been made possible—and inescapable!</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>You did not die.</p> - -<p>There was no normal way to die.</p> - -<p>You lived as carelessly and as recklessly as you could and you hoped -that you would be lucky and be accidentally killed.</p> - -<p>You kept on living and you got tired of living.</p> - -<p>"God, how tired a man can get of living!" Andrew Young said.</p> - -<p>John Riggs, chairman of the immortality commission, cleared his throat.</p> - -<p>"You realize," he said to Andrew Young, "that this petition is a highly -irregular procedure to bring to our attention."</p> - -<p>He picked up the sheaf of papers off the table and ruffled through them -rapidly.</p> - -<p>"There is no precedent," he added.</p> - -<p>"I had hoped," said Andrew Young, "to establish precedent."</p> - -<p>Commissioner Stanford said, "I must admit that you have made a good -case, Ancestor Young. Yet you must realize that this commission has no -possible jurisdiction over the life of any person, except to see that -everyone is assured of all the benefits of immortality and to work out -any kinks that may show up."</p> - -<p>"I am well aware of that," answered Young, "and it seems to me that my -case is one of the kinks you mention."</p> - -<p>He stood silently, watching the faces of the members of the board. -They are afraid, he thought. Every one of them. Afraid of the day they -will face the thing I am facing now. They have sought an answer and -there is no answer yet except the pitifully basic answer, the brutally -fundamental answer that I have given them.</p> - -<p>"My request is simple," he told them, calmly. "I have asked for -permission to discontinue life. And since suicide has been made -psychologically impossible, I have asked that this commission appoint -a panel of next-friends to make the necessary and somewhat distasteful -arrangements to bring about the discontinuance of my life."</p> - -<p>"If we did," said Riggs, "we would destroy everything we have. There -is no virtue in a life of only five thousand years. No more than in -a life of only a hundred years. If Man is to be immortal, he must be -genuinely immortal. He cannot compromise."</p> - -<p>"And yet," said Young, "my friends are gone."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>He gestured at the papers Riggs held in his hands. "I have them listed -there," he said. "Their names and when and where and how they died. -Take a look at them. More than two hundred names. People of my own -generation and of the generations closely following mine. Their names -and the photo-copies of their death certificates."</p> - -<p>He put both of his hands upon the table, palms flat against the table, -and leaned his weight upon his arms.</p> - -<p>"Take a look at how they died," he said. "Every one involves accidental -violence. Some of them drove their vehicles too fast and, more than -likely, very recklessly. One fell off a cliff when he reached down to -pick a flower that was growing on its edge. A case of deliberately poor -judgment, to my mind. One got stinking drunk and took a bath and passed -out in the tub. He drowned...."</p> - -<p>"Ancestor Young," Riggs said sharply, "you are surely not implying -these folks were suicides."</p> - -<p>"No," Andrew Young said bitterly. "We abolished suicide three thousand -years ago, cleared it clean out of human minds. How could they have -killed themselves?"</p> - -<p>Stanford said, peering up at Young, "I believe, sir, you sat on the -board that resolved that problem."</p> - -<p>Andrew Young nodded. "It was after the first wave of suicides. I -remember it quite well. It took years of work. We had to change human -perspective, shift certain facets of human nature. We had to condition -human reasoning by education and propaganda and instill a new set of -moral values. I think we did a good job of it. Perhaps too good a job. -Today a man can no more think of deliberately committing suicide than -he could think of overthrowing our government. The very idea, the very -word is repulsive, instinctively repulsive. You can come a long way, -gentlemen, in three thousand years."</p> - -<p>He leaned across the table and tapped the sheaf of papers with a lean, -tense finger.</p> - -<p>"They didn't kill themselves," he said. "They did not commit suicide. -They just didn't give a damn. They were tired of living ... as I am -tired of living. So they lived recklessly in every way. Perhaps there -always was a secret hope that they would drown while drunk or their car -would hit a tree or...."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>He straightened up and faced them. "Gentlemen," he said. "I am 5,786 -years of age. I was born at Lancaster, Maine, on the planet Earth on -September 21, 1968. I have served humankind well in those fifty-seven -centuries. My record is there for you to see. Boards, commissions, -legislative posts, diplomatic missions. No one can say that I have -shirked my duty. I submit that I have paid any debt I owe humanity ... -even the well-intentioned debt for a chance at immortality."</p> - -<p>"We wish," said Riggs, "that you would reconsider."</p> - -<p>"I am a lonely man," replied Young. "A lonely man and tired. I have no -friends. There is nothing any longer that holds my interest. It is my -hope that I can make you see the desirability of assuming jurisdiction -in cases such as mine. Someday you may find a solution to the problem, -but until that time arrives, I ask you, in the name of mercy, to give -us relief from life."</p> - -<p>"The problem, as we see it," said Riggs, "is to find some way to -wipe out mental perspective. When a man lives as you have, sir, for -fifty centuries, he has too long a memory. The memories add up to the -disadvantage of present realities and prospects for the future."</p> - -<p>"I know," said Young. "I remember we used to talk about that in the -early days. It was one of the problems which was recognized when -immortality first became practical. But we always thought that memory -would erase itself, that the brain could accommodate only so many -memories, that when it got full up it would dump the old ones. It -hasn't worked that way."</p> - -<p>He made a savage gesture. "Gentlemen, I can recall my childhood much -more vividly than I recall anything that happened yesterday."</p> - -<p>"Memories are buried," said Riggs, "and in the old days, when men -lived no longer than a hundred years at most, it was thought those -buried memories were forgotten. Life, Man told himself, is a process -of forgetting. So Man wasn't too worried over memories when he became -immortal. He thought he would forget them."</p> - -<p>"He should have known," argued Young. "I can remember my father, and I -remember him much more intimately than I will remember you gentlemen -once I leave this room.... I can remember my father telling me that, in -his later years, he could recall things which happened in his childhood -that had been forgotten all his younger years. And that, alone, should -have tipped us off. The brain buries only the newer memories -deeply ... they are not available; they do not rise to bother one, -because they are not sorted or oriented or correlated or whatever it is -that the brain may do with them. But once they are all nicely docketed -and filed, they pop up in an instant."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Riggs nodded agreement. "There's a lag of a good many years in the -brain's bookkeeping. We will overcome it in time."</p> - -<p>"We have tried," said Stanford. "We tried conditioning, the same -solution that worked with suicides. But in this, it didn't work. For a -man's life is built upon his memories. There are certain basic memories -that must remain intact. With conditioning, you could not be selective. -You could not keep the structural memories and winnow out the trash. It -didn't work that way."</p> - -<p>"There was one machine that worked," Riggs put in. "It got rid of -memories. I don't understand exactly how it worked, but it did the job -all right. It did too good a job. It swept the mind as clean as an -empty room. It didn't leave a thing. It took all memories and it left -no capacity to build a new set. A man went in a human being and came -out a vegetable."</p> - -<p>"Suspended animation," said Stanford, "would be a solution. If we had -suspended animation. Simply stack a man away until we found the answer, -then revive and recondition him."</p> - -<p>"Be that as it may," Young told them, "I should like your most earnest -consideration of my petition. I do not feel quite equal to waiting -until you have the answer solved."</p> - -<p>Riggs said, harshly, "You are asking us to legalize death."</p> - -<p>Young nodded. "If you wish to phrase it that way. I'm asking it in the -name of common decency."</p> - -<p>Commissioner Stanford said, "We can ill afford to lose you, Ancestor."</p> - -<p>Young sighed. "There is that damned attitude again. Immortality -pays all debts. When a man is made immortal, he has received full -compensation for everything that he may endure. I have lived longer -than any man could be expected to live and still I am denied the -dignity of old age. A man's desires are few, and quickly sated, and -yet he is expected to continue living with desires burned up and blown -away to ash. He gets to a point where nothing has a value ... even -to a point where his own personal values are no more than shadows. -Gentlemen, there was a time when I could not have committed murder ... -literally could not have forced myself to kill another man ... but -today I could, without a second thought. Disillusion and cynicism have -crept in upon me and I have no conscience."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>"There are compensations," Riggs said. "Your family...."</p> - -<p>"They get in my hair," said Young disgustedly. "Thousands upon -thousands of young squirts calling me Grandsire and Ancestor and coming -to me for advice they practically never follow. I don't know even a -fraction of them and I listen to them carefully explain a relationship -so tangled and trivial that it makes me yawn in their faces. It's all -new to them and so old, so damned and damnably old to me."</p> - -<p>"Ancestor Young," said Stanford, "you have seen Man spread out from -Earth to distant stellar systems. You have seen the human race expand -from one planet to several thousand planets. You have had a part in -this. Is there not some satisfaction...."</p> - -<p>"You're talking in abstracts," Young cut in. "What I am concerned about -is myself ... a certain specific mass of protoplasm shaped in biped -form and tagged by the designation, ironic as it may seem, of Andrew -Young. I have been unselfish all my life. I've asked little for myself. -Now I am being utterly and entirely selfish and I ask that this matter -be regarded as a personal problem rather than as a racial abstraction."</p> - -<p>"Whether you'll admit it or not," said Stanford, "it is more than a -personal problem. It is a problem which some day must be solved for the -salvation of the race."</p> - -<p>"That is what I am trying to impress upon you," Young snapped. "It is a -problem that you must face. Some day you will solve it, but until you -do, you must make provisions for those who face the unsolved problem."</p> - -<p>"Wait a while," counseled Chairman Riggs. "Who knows? Today, tomorrow."</p> - -<p>"Or a million years from now," Young told him bitterly and left, a -tall, vigorous-looking man whose step was swift in anger where normally -it was slow with weariness and despair.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>There was yet a chance, of course.</p> - -<p>But there was little hope.</p> - -<p>How can a man go back almost six thousand years and snare a thing he -never understood?</p> - -<p>And yet Andrew Young remembered it. Remembered it as clearly as if it -had been a thing that had happened in the morning of this very day.</p> - -<p>It was a shining thing, a bright thing, a happiness that was brand-new -and fresh as a bluebird's wing of an April morning or a shy woods -flower after sudden rain.</p> - -<p>He had been a boy and he had seen the bluebird and he had no words to -say the thing he felt, but he had held up his tiny fingers and pointed -and shaped his lips to coo.</p> - -<p>Once, he thought, I had it in my very fingers and I did not have the -experience to know what it was, nor the value of it. And now I know the -value, but it has escaped me—it escaped me on the day that I began -to think like a human being. The first adult thought pushed it just -a little and the next one pushed it farther and finally it was gone -entirely and I didn't even know that it had gone.</p> - -<p>He sat in the chair on the flagstone patio and felt the Sun upon him, -filtering through the branches of trees misty with the breaking leaves -of Spring.</p> - -<p>Something else, thought Andrew Young. Something that was not -human—yet. A tiny animal that had many ways to choose, many roads to -walk. And, of course, I chose the wrong way. I chose the human way. But -there was another way. I know there must have been. A fairy way—or a -brownie way, or maybe even pixie. That sounds foolish and childish now, -but it wasn't always.</p> - -<p>I chose the human way because I was guided into it. I was pushed and -shoved, like a herded sheep.</p> - -<p>I grew up and I lost the thing I held.</p> - -<p>He sat and made his mind go hard and tried to analyze what it was he -sought and there was no name for it. Except happiness. And happiness -was a state of being, not a thing to regain and grasp.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>But he could remember how it felt. With his eyes open in the present, -he could remember the brightness of the day of the past, the -clean-washed goodness of it, the wonder of the colors that were more -brilliant than he ever since had seen—as if it were the first second -after Creation and the world was still shiningly new.</p> - -<p>It was that new, of course. It would be that new to a child.</p> - -<p>But that didn't explain it all.</p> - -<p>It didn't explain the bottomless capacity for seeing and knowing and -believing in the beauty and the goodness of a clean new world. It -didn't explain the almost non-human elation of knowing that there were -colors to see and scents to smell and soft green grass to touch.</p> - -<p>I'm insane, Andrew Young said to himself. Insane, or going insane. -But if insanity will take me back to an understanding of the strange -perception I had when I was a child, and lost, I'll take insanity.</p> - -<p>He leaned back in his chair and let his eyes go shut and his mind drift -back.</p> - -<p>He was crouching in a corner of a garden and the leaves were drifting -down from the walnut trees like a rain of saffron gold. He lifted one -of the leaves and it slipped from his fingers, for his hands were -chubby still and not too sure in grasping. But he tried again and he -clutched it by the stem in one stubby fist and he saw that it was not -just a blob of yellowness, but delicate, with many little veins. When -he held it so that the Sun struck it, he imagined that he could almost -see through it, the gold was spun so fine.</p> - -<p>He crouched with the leaf clutched tightly in his hand and for a -moment there was a silence that held him motionless. Then he heard the -frost-loosened leaves pattering all around him, pattering as they fell, -talking in little whispers as they sailed down through the air and -found themselves a bed with their golden fellows.</p> - -<p>In that moment he knew that he was one with the leaves and the -whispers that they made, one with the gold and the autumn sunshine and -the far blue mist upon the hill above the apple orchard.</p> - -<p>A foot crunched stone behind him and his eyes came open and the golden -leaves were gone.</p> - -<p>"I am sorry if I disturbed you, Ancestor," said the man. "I had an -appointment for this hour, but I would not have disturbed you if I had -known."</p> - -<p>Young stared at him reproachfully without answering.</p> - -<p>"I am kin," the man told him.</p> - -<p>"I wouldn't doubt it," said Andrew Young. "The Galaxy is cluttered up -with descendants of mine."</p> - -<p>The man was very humble. "Of course, you must resent us sometimes. But -we are proud of you, sir. I might almost say that we revere you. No -other family—"</p> - -<p>"I know," interrupted Andrew Young. "No other family has any fossil -quite so old as I am."</p> - -<p>"Nor as wise," said the man.</p> - -<p>Andrew Young snorted. "Cut out that nonsense. Let's hear what you have -to say and get it over with."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The technician was harassed and worried and very frankly puzzled. But -he stayed respectful, for one always was respectful to an ancestor, -whoever he might be. Today there were mighty few left who had been born -into a mortal world.</p> - -<p>Not that Andrew Young looked old. He looked like all adults, a fine -figure of a person in the early twenties.</p> - -<p>The technician shifted uneasily. "But, sir, this ... this...."</p> - -<p>"Teddy bear," said Young.</p> - -<p>"Yes, of course. An extinct terrestrial subspecies of animal?"</p> - -<p>"It's a toy," Young told him. "A very ancient toy. All children used to -have them five thousand years ago. They took them to bed."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The technician shuddered. "A deplorable custom. Primitive."</p> - -<p>"Depends on the viewpoint," said Young. "I've slept with them many a -time. There's a world of comfort in one, I can personally assure you."</p> - -<p>The technician saw that it was no use to argue. He might as well -fabricate the thing and get it over with.</p> - -<p>"I can build you a fine model, sir," he said, trying to work up some -enthusiasm. "I'll build in a response mechanism so that it can give -simple answers to certain keyed questions and, of course, I'll fix it -so it'll walk, either on two legs or four...."</p> - -<p>"No," said Andrew Young.</p> - -<p>The technician looked surprised and hurt. "No?"</p> - -<p>"No," repeated Andrew Young. "I don't want it fancied up. I want it -a simple lump of make-believe. No wonder the children of today have -no imagination. Modern toys entertain them with a bag of tricks that -leave the young'uns no room for imagination. They couldn't possibly -think up, on their own, all the screwy things these new toys do. -Built-in responses and implied consciousness and all such mechanical -trivia...."</p> - -<p>"You just want a stuffed fabric," said the technician, sadly, "with -jointed arms and legs."</p> - -<p>"Precisely," agreed Young.</p> - -<p>"You're sure you want fabric, sir? I could do a neater job in plastics."</p> - -<p>"Fabric," Young insisted firmly, "and it must be scratchy."</p> - -<p>"Scratchy, sir?"</p> - -<p>"Sure. You know. Bristly. So it scratches when you rub your face -against it."</p> - -<p>"But no one in his right mind would want to rub his face...."</p> - -<p>"I would," said Andrew Young. "I fully intend to do so."</p> - -<p>"As you wish, sir," the technician answered, beaten now.</p> - -<p>"When you get it done," said Young, "I have some other things in mind."</p> - -<p>"Other things?" The technician looked wildly about, as if seeking some -escape.</p> - -<p>"A high chair," said Young. "And a crib. And a woolly dog. And buttons."</p> - -<p>"Buttons?" asked the technician. "What are buttons?"</p> - -<p>"I'll explain it all to you," Young told him airily. "It all is very -simple."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>It seemed, when Andrew Young came into the room, that Riggs and -Stanford had been expecting him, had known that he was coming and had -been waiting for him.</p> - -<p>He wasted no time on preliminaries or formalities.</p> - -<p>They know, he told himself. They know, or they have guessed. They would -be watching me. Ever since I brought in my petition, they have been -watching me, wondering what I would be thinking, trying to puzzle out -what I might do next. They know every move I've made, they know about -the toys and the furniture and all the other things. And I don't need -to tell them what I plan to do.</p> - -<p>"I need some help," he said, and they nodded soberly, as if they had -guessed he needed help.</p> - -<p>"I want to build a house," he explained. "A big house. Much larger than -the usual house."</p> - -<p>Riggs said, "We'll draw the plans for you. Do anything else that you—"</p> - -<p>"A house," Young went on, "about four or five times as big as the -ordinary house. Four or five times normal scale, I mean. Doors -twenty-five to thirty feet high and everything else in proportion."</p> - -<p>"Neighbors or privacy?" asked Stanford.</p> - -<p>"Privacy," said Young.</p> - -<p>"We'll take care of it," promised Riggs. "Leave the matter of the house -to us."</p> - -<p>Young stood for a long moment, looking at the two of them. Then he -said, "I thank you, gentlemen. I thank you for your helpfulness and -your understanding. But most of all I thank you for not asking any -questions."</p> - -<p>He turned slowly and walked out of the room and they sat in silence for -minutes after he was gone.</p> - -<p>Finally, Stanford offered a deduction: "It will have to be a place that -a boy would like. Woods to run in and a little stream to fish in and a -field where he can fly his kites. What else could it be?"</p> - -<p>"He's been out ordering children's furniture and toys," Riggs agreed. -"Stuff from five thousand years ago. The kind of things he used when he -was a child. But scaled to adult size."</p> - -<p>"Now," said Stanford, "he wants a house built to the same proportions. -A house that will make him think or help him believe that he is a -child. But will it work, Riggs? His body will not change. He cannot -make it change. It will only be in his mind."</p> - -<p>"Illusion," declared Riggs. "The illusion of bigness in relation to -himself. To a child, creeping on the floor, a door is twenty-five to -thirty feet high, relatively. Of course the child doesn't know that. -But Andrew Young does. I don't see how he'll overcome that."</p> - -<p>"At first," suggested Stanford, "he will know that it's illusion, but -after a time, isn't there a possibility that it will become reality so -far as he's concerned? That's why he needs our help. So that the house -will not be firmly planted in his memory as a thing that's merely out -of proportion ... so that it will slide from illusion into reality -without too great a strain."</p> - -<p>"We must keep our mouths shut." Riggs nodded soberly. "There must be no -interference. It's a thing he must do himself ... entirely by himself. -Our help with the house must be the help of an unseen, silent agency. -Like brownies, I think the term was that he used, we must help and be -never seen. Intrusion by anyone would introduce a jarring note and -would destroy illusion and that is all he has to work on. Illusion pure -and simple."</p> - -<p>"Others have tried," objected Stanford, pessimistic again. "Many -others. With gadgets and machines...."</p> - -<p>"None has tried it," said Riggs, "with the power of mind alone. With -the sheer determination to wipe out five thousand years of memory."</p> - -<p>"That will be his stumbling block," said Stanford. "The old, dead -memories are the things he has to beat. He has to get rid of them ... -not just bury them, but get rid of them for good and all, forever."</p> - -<p>"He must do more than that," said Riggs. "He must replace his memories -with the outlook he had when he was a child. His mind must be washed -out, refreshed, wiped clean and shining and made new again ... ready to -live another five thousand years."</p> - -<p>The two men sat and looked at one another and in each other's eyes they -saw a single thought—the day would come when they, too, each of them -alone, would face the problem Andrew Young faced.</p> - -<p>"We must help," said Riggs, "in every way we can and we must keep watch -and we must be ready ... but Andrew Young cannot know that we are -helping or that we are watching him. We must anticipate the materials -and tools and the aids that he may need."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Stanford started to speak, then hesitated, as if seeking in his mind -for the proper words.</p> - -<p>"Yes," said Riggs. "What is it?"</p> - -<p>"Later on," Stanford managed to say, "much later on, toward the very -end, there is a certain factor that we must supply. The one thing that -he will need the most and the one thing that he cannot think about, -even in advance. All the rest can be stage setting and he can still -go on toward the time when it becomes reality. All the rest may be -make-believe, but one thing must come as genuine or the entire effort -will collapse in failure."</p> - -<p>Riggs nodded. "Of course. That's something we'll have to work out -carefully."</p> - -<p>"If we can," Stanford said.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The yellow button over here and the red one over there and the green -one doesn't fit, so I'll throw it on the floor and just for the fun of -it, I'll put the pink one in my mouth and someone will find me with -it and they'll raise a ruckus because they will be afraid that I will -swallow it.</p> - -<p>And there's nothing, absolutely nothing, that I love better than a -full-blown ruckus. Especially if it is over me.</p> - -<p>"Ug," said Andrew Young, and he swallowed the button.</p> - -<p>He sat stiff and straight in the towering high chair and then, in -a fury, swept the oversized muffin tin and its freight of buttons -crashing to the floor.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus1.jpg" width="205" height="500" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>For a second he felt like weeping in utter frustration and then a sense -of shame crept in on him.</p> - -<p>Big baby, he said to himself.</p> - -<p>Crazy to be sitting in an overgrown high chair, playing with buttons -and mouthing baby talk and trying to force a mind conditioned by five -thousand years of life into the channels of an infant's thoughts.</p> - -<p>Carefully he disengaged the tray and slid it out, cautiously shinnied -down the twelve-foot-high chair.</p> - -<p>The room engulfed him, the ceiling towering far above him.</p> - -<p>The neighbors, he told himself, no doubt thought him crazy, although -none of them had said so. Come to think of it, he had not seen any of -his neighbors for a long spell now.</p> - -<p>A suspicion came into his mind. Maybe they knew what he was doing, -maybe they were deliberately keeping out of his way in order not to -embarrass him.</p> - -<p>That, of course, would be what they would do if they had realized -what he was about. But he had expected ... he had expected ... that -fellow, what's his name? ... at the commission, what's the name of -that commission, anyhow? Well, anyway, he'd expected a fellow whose -name he couldn't remember from a commission the name of which he could -not recall to come snooping around, wondering what he might be up to, -offering to help, spoiling the whole setup, everything he'd planned.</p> - -<p>I can't remember, he complained to himself. I can't remember the name -of a man whose name I knew so short a time ago as yesterday. Nor the -name of a commission that I knew as well as I know my name. I'm getting -forgetful. I'm getting downright childish.</p> - -<p>Childish?</p> - -<p>Childish!</p> - -<p>Childish and forgetful.</p> - -<p>Good Lord, thought Andrew Young, that's just the way I want it.</p> - -<p>On hands and knees he scrabbled about and picked up the buttons, put -them in his pocket. Then, with the muffin tin underneath his arm, he -shinnied up the high chair and, seating himself comfortably, sorted -out the buttons in the pan.</p> - -<p>The green one over here in this compartment and the yellow one ... -oops, there she goes onto the floor. And the red one in with the blue -one and this one ... this one ... what's the color of this one? Color? -What's that?</p> - -<p>What is what?</p> - -<p>What—</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>"It's almost time," said Stanford, "and we are ready, as ready as we'll -ever be. We'll move in when the time is right, but we can't move in too -soon. Better to be a little late than a little early. We have all the -things we need. Special size diapers and—"</p> - -<p>"Good Lord," exclaimed Riggs, "it won't go that far, will it?"</p> - -<p>"It should," said Stanford. "It should go even further to work right. -He got lost yesterday. One of our men found him and led him home. He -didn't have the slightest idea where he was and he was getting pretty -scared and he cried a little. He chattered about birds and flowers and -he insisted that our man stay and play with him."</p> - -<p>Riggs chuckled softly. "Did he?"</p> - -<p>"Oh, certainly. He came back worn to a frazzle."</p> - -<p>"Food?" I asked Riggs. "How is he feeding himself?"</p> - -<p>"We see there's a supply of stuff, cookies and such-wise, left on a -low shelf, where he can get at them. One of the robots cooks up some -more substantial stuff on a regular schedule and leaves it where he can -find it. We have to be careful. We can't mess around too much. We can't -intrude on him. I have a feeling he's almost reached an actual turning -point. We can't afford to upset things now that he's come this far."</p> - -<p>"The android's ready?"</p> - -<p>"Just about," said Stanford.</p> - -<p>"And the playmates?"</p> - -<p>"Ready. They were less of a problem."</p> - -<p>"There's nothing more that we can do?"</p> - -<p>"Nothing," Stanford said. "Just wait, that's all. Young has carried -himself this far by the sheer force of will alone. That will is gone -now. He can't consciously force himself any further back. He is more -child than adult now. He's built up a regressive momentum and the only -question is whether that momentum is sufficient to carry him all the -way back to actual babyhood."</p> - -<p>"It has to go back to that?" Riggs looked unhappy, obviously thinking -of his own future. "You're only guessing, aren't you?"</p> - -<p>"All the way or it simply is no good," Stanford said dogmatically. "He -has to get an absolutely fresh start. All the way or nothing."</p> - -<p>"And if he gets stuck halfway between? Half child, half man, what then?"</p> - -<p>"That's something I don't want to think about," Stanford said.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>He had lost his favorite teddy bear and gone to hunt it in the dusk -that was filled with elusive fireflies and the hush of a world quieting -down for the time of sleep. The grass was drenched with dew and he felt -the cold wetness of it soaking through his shoes as he went from bush -to hedge to flowerbed, looking for the missing toy.</p> - -<p>It was necessary, he told himself, that he find the nice little bear, -for it was the one that slept with him and if he did not find it, he -knew that it would spend a lonely and comfortless night. But at no time -did he admit, even to his innermost thought, that it was he who needed -the bear and not the bear who needed him.</p> - -<p>A soaring bat swooped low and for a horrified moment, catching sight -of the zooming terror, a blob of darkness in the gathering dusk, he -squatted low against the ground, huddling against the sudden fear that -came out of the night. Sounds of fright bubbled in his throat and now -he saw the great dark garden as an unknown place, filled with lurking -shadows that lay in wait for him.</p> - -<p>He stayed cowering against the ground and tried to fight off the alien -fear that growled from behind each bush and snarled in every darkened -corner. But even as the fear washed over him, there was one hidden -corner of his mind that knew there was no need of fear. It was as if -that one area of his brain still fought against the rest of him, as if -that small section of cells might know that the bat was no more than a -flying bat, that the shadows in the garden were no more than absence of -light.</p> - -<p>There was a reason, he knew, why he should not be afraid—a good reason -born of a certain knowledge he no longer had. And that he should have -such knowledge seemed unbelievable, for he was scarcely two years old.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>He tried to say it—two years old.</p> - -<p>There was something wrong with his tongue, something the matter with -the way he had to use his mouth, with the way his lips refused to shape -the words he meant to say.</p> - -<p>He tried to define the words, tried to tell himself what he meant by -two years old and one moment it seemed that he knew the meaning of it -and then it escaped him.</p> - -<p>The bat came again and he huddled close against the ground, shivering -as he crouched. He lifted his eyes fearfully, darting glances here and -there, and out of the corner of his eye he saw the looming house and it -was a place he knew as refuge.</p> - -<p>"House," he said, and the word was wrong, not the word itself, but the -way he said it.</p> - -<p>He ran on trembling, unsure feet and the great door loomed before him, -with the latch too high to reach. But there was another way, a small -swinging door built into the big door, the sort of door that is built -for cats and dogs and sometimes little children. He darted through -it and felt the sureness and the comfort of the house about him. The -sureness and the comfort—and the loneliness.</p> - -<p>He found his second-best teddy bear, and, picking it up, clutched it to -his breast, sobbing into its scratchy back in pure relief from terror.</p> - -<p>There is something wrong, he thought. Something dreadfully wrong. -Something is as it should not be. It is not the garden or the darkened -bushes or the swooping winged shape that came out of the night. It is -something else, something missing, something that should be here and -isn't.</p> - -<p>Clutching the teddy bear, he sat rigid and tried desperately to drive -his mind back along the way that would tell him what was wrong. There -was an answer, he was sure of that. There was an answer somewhere; at -one time he had known it. At one time he had recognized the need he -felt and there had been no way to supply it—and now he couldn't even -know the need, could feel it, but he could not know it.</p> - -<p>He clutched the bear closer and huddled in the darkness, watching the -moonbeam that came through a window, high above his head, and etched a -square of floor in brightness.</p> - -<p>Fascinated, he watched the moonbeam and all at once the terror faded. -He dropped the bear and crawled on hands and knees, stalking the -moonbeam. It did not try to get away and he reached its edge and thrust -his hands into it and laughed with glee when his hands were painted by -the light coming through the window.</p> - -<p>He lifted his face and stared up at the blackness and saw the white -globe of the Moon, looking at him, watching him. The Moon seemed to -wink at him and he chortled joyfully.</p> - -<p>Behind him a door creaked open and he turned clumsily around.</p> - -<p>Someone stood in the doorway, almost filling it—a beautiful person who -smiled at him. Even in the darkness he could sense the sweetness of the -smile, the glory of her golden hair.</p> - -<p>"Time to eat, Andy," said the woman. "Eat and get a bath and then to -bed."</p> - -<p>Andrew Young hopped joyfully on both feet, arms held out—happy and -excited and contented.</p> - -<p>"Mummy!" he cried. "Mummy ... Moon!"</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus2.jpg" width="161" height="500" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>He swung about with a pointing finger and the woman came swiftly across -the floor, knelt and put her arms around him, held him close against -her. His cheek against hers, he stared up at the Moon and it was a -wondrous thing, a bright and golden thing, a wonder that was shining -new and fresh.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>On the street outside, Stanford and Riggs stood looking up at the huge -house that towered above the trees.</p> - -<p>"She's in there now," said Stanford. "Everything's quiet so it must be -all right."</p> - -<p>Riggs said, "He was crying in the garden. He ran in terror for the -house. He stopped crying about the time she must have come in."</p> - -<p>Stanford nodded. "I was afraid we were putting it off too long, -but I don't see now how we could have done it sooner. Any outside -interference would have shattered the thing he tried to do. He had to -really need her. Well, it's all right now. The timing was just about -perfect."</p> - -<p>"You're sure, Stanford?"</p> - -<p>"Sure? Certainly I am sure. We created the android and we trained her. -We instilled a deep maternal sense into her personality. She knows what -to do. She is almost human. She is as close as we could come to a human -mother eighteen feet tall. We don't know what Young's mother looked -like, but chances are he doesn't either. Over the years his memory has -idealized her. That's what we did. We made an ideal mother."</p> - -<p>"If it only works," said Riggs.</p> - -<p>"It will work," said Stanford, confidently. "Despite the shortcomings -we may discover by trial and error, it will work. He's been -fighting himself all this time. Now he can quit fighting and shift -responsibility. It's enough to get him over the final hump, to place -him safely and securely in the second childhood that he had to have. -Now he can curl up, contented. There is someone to look after him and -think for him and take care of him. He'll probably go back just a -little further ... a little closer to the cradle. And that is good, for -the further he goes, the more memories are erased."</p> - -<p>"And then?" asked Riggs worriedly.</p> - -<p>"Then he can proceed to grow up again."</p> - -<p>They stood watching, silently.</p> - -<p>In the enormous house, lights came on in the kitchen and the windows -gleamed with a homey brightness.</p> - -<p>I, too, Stanford was thinking. Some day, I, too. Young has pointed the -way, he has blazed the path. He had shown us, all the other billions -of us, here on Earth and all over the Galaxy, the way it can be done. -There will be others and for them there will be more help. We'll know -then how to do it better.</p> - -<p>Now we have something to work on.</p> - -<p>Another thousand years or so, he thought, and I will go back, too. Back -to the cradle and the dreams of childhood and the safe security of a -mother's arms.</p> - -<p>It didn't frighten him in the least.</p> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Second Childhood, by Clifford D. 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Simak - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - - - -Title: Second Childhood - -Author: Clifford D. Simak - -Release Date: January 25, 2016 [EBook #51037] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SECOND CHILDHOOD *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - - - - - Second Childhood - - By CLIFFORD D. SIMAK - - Illustrated by DON HUNTER - - [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from - Galaxy Science Fiction February 1951. - Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that - the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.] - - - - - Achieving immortality is only half of the problem. - The other half is knowing how to live with it once - it's been made possible--and inescapable! - - -You did not die. - -There was no normal way to die. - -You lived as carelessly and as recklessly as you could and you hoped -that you would be lucky and be accidentally killed. - -You kept on living and you got tired of living. - -"God, how tired a man can get of living!" Andrew Young said. - -John Riggs, chairman of the immortality commission, cleared his throat. - -"You realize," he said to Andrew Young, "that this petition is a highly -irregular procedure to bring to our attention." - -He picked up the sheaf of papers off the table and ruffled through them -rapidly. - -"There is no precedent," he added. - -"I had hoped," said Andrew Young, "to establish precedent." - -Commissioner Stanford said, "I must admit that you have made a good -case, Ancestor Young. Yet you must realize that this commission has no -possible jurisdiction over the life of any person, except to see that -everyone is assured of all the benefits of immortality and to work out -any kinks that may show up." - -"I am well aware of that," answered Young, "and it seems to me that my -case is one of the kinks you mention." - -He stood silently, watching the faces of the members of the board. -They are afraid, he thought. Every one of them. Afraid of the day they -will face the thing I am facing now. They have sought an answer and -there is no answer yet except the pitifully basic answer, the brutally -fundamental answer that I have given them. - -"My request is simple," he told them, calmly. "I have asked for -permission to discontinue life. And since suicide has been made -psychologically impossible, I have asked that this commission appoint -a panel of next-friends to make the necessary and somewhat distasteful -arrangements to bring about the discontinuance of my life." - -"If we did," said Riggs, "we would destroy everything we have. There -is no virtue in a life of only five thousand years. No more than in -a life of only a hundred years. If Man is to be immortal, he must be -genuinely immortal. He cannot compromise." - -"And yet," said Young, "my friends are gone." - - * * * * * - -He gestured at the papers Riggs held in his hands. "I have them listed -there," he said. "Their names and when and where and how they died. -Take a look at them. More than two hundred names. People of my own -generation and of the generations closely following mine. Their names -and the photo-copies of their death certificates." - -He put both of his hands upon the table, palms flat against the table, -and leaned his weight upon his arms. - -"Take a look at how they died," he said. "Every one involves accidental -violence. Some of them drove their vehicles too fast and, more than -likely, very recklessly. One fell off a cliff when he reached down to -pick a flower that was growing on its edge. A case of deliberately poor -judgment, to my mind. One got stinking drunk and took a bath and passed -out in the tub. He drowned...." - -"Ancestor Young," Riggs said sharply, "you are surely not implying -these folks were suicides." - -"No," Andrew Young said bitterly. "We abolished suicide three thousand -years ago, cleared it clean out of human minds. How could they have -killed themselves?" - -Stanford said, peering up at Young, "I believe, sir, you sat on the -board that resolved that problem." - -Andrew Young nodded. "It was after the first wave of suicides. I -remember it quite well. It took years of work. We had to change human -perspective, shift certain facets of human nature. We had to condition -human reasoning by education and propaganda and instill a new set of -moral values. I think we did a good job of it. Perhaps too good a job. -Today a man can no more think of deliberately committing suicide than -he could think of overthrowing our government. The very idea, the very -word is repulsive, instinctively repulsive. You can come a long way, -gentlemen, in three thousand years." - -He leaned across the table and tapped the sheaf of papers with a lean, -tense finger. - -"They didn't kill themselves," he said. "They did not commit suicide. -They just didn't give a damn. They were tired of living ... as I am -tired of living. So they lived recklessly in every way. Perhaps there -always was a secret hope that they would drown while drunk or their car -would hit a tree or...." - - * * * * * - -He straightened up and faced them. "Gentlemen," he said. "I am 5,786 -years of age. I was born at Lancaster, Maine, on the planet Earth on -September 21, 1968. I have served humankind well in those fifty-seven -centuries. My record is there for you to see. Boards, commissions, -legislative posts, diplomatic missions. No one can say that I have -shirked my duty. I submit that I have paid any debt I owe humanity ... -even the well-intentioned debt for a chance at immortality." - -"We wish," said Riggs, "that you would reconsider." - -"I am a lonely man," replied Young. "A lonely man and tired. I have no -friends. There is nothing any longer that holds my interest. It is my -hope that I can make you see the desirability of assuming jurisdiction -in cases such as mine. Someday you may find a solution to the problem, -but until that time arrives, I ask you, in the name of mercy, to give -us relief from life." - -"The problem, as we see it," said Riggs, "is to find some way to -wipe out mental perspective. When a man lives as you have, sir, for -fifty centuries, he has too long a memory. The memories add up to the -disadvantage of present realities and prospects for the future." - -"I know," said Young. "I remember we used to talk about that in the -early days. It was one of the problems which was recognized when -immortality first became practical. But we always thought that memory -would erase itself, that the brain could accommodate only so many -memories, that when it got full up it would dump the old ones. It -hasn't worked that way." - -He made a savage gesture. "Gentlemen, I can recall my childhood much -more vividly than I recall anything that happened yesterday." - -"Memories are buried," said Riggs, "and in the old days, when men -lived no longer than a hundred years at most, it was thought those -buried memories were forgotten. Life, Man told himself, is a process -of forgetting. So Man wasn't too worried over memories when he became -immortal. He thought he would forget them." - -"He should have known," argued Young. "I can remember my father, and I -remember him much more intimately than I will remember you gentlemen -once I leave this room.... I can remember my father telling me that, in -his later years, he could recall things which happened in his childhood -that had been forgotten all his younger years. And that, alone, should -have tipped us off. The brain buries only the newer memories -deeply ... they are not available; they do not rise to bother one, -because they are not sorted or oriented or correlated or whatever it is -that the brain may do with them. But once they are all nicely docketed -and filed, they pop up in an instant." - - * * * * * - -Riggs nodded agreement. "There's a lag of a good many years in the -brain's bookkeeping. We will overcome it in time." - -"We have tried," said Stanford. "We tried conditioning, the same -solution that worked with suicides. But in this, it didn't work. For a -man's life is built upon his memories. There are certain basic memories -that must remain intact. With conditioning, you could not be selective. -You could not keep the structural memories and winnow out the trash. It -didn't work that way." - -"There was one machine that worked," Riggs put in. "It got rid of -memories. I don't understand exactly how it worked, but it did the job -all right. It did too good a job. It swept the mind as clean as an -empty room. It didn't leave a thing. It took all memories and it left -no capacity to build a new set. A man went in a human being and came -out a vegetable." - -"Suspended animation," said Stanford, "would be a solution. If we had -suspended animation. Simply stack a man away until we found the answer, -then revive and recondition him." - -"Be that as it may," Young told them, "I should like your most earnest -consideration of my petition. I do not feel quite equal to waiting -until you have the answer solved." - -Riggs said, harshly, "You are asking us to legalize death." - -Young nodded. "If you wish to phrase it that way. I'm asking it in the -name of common decency." - -Commissioner Stanford said, "We can ill afford to lose you, Ancestor." - -Young sighed. "There is that damned attitude again. Immortality -pays all debts. When a man is made immortal, he has received full -compensation for everything that he may endure. I have lived longer -than any man could be expected to live and still I am denied the -dignity of old age. A man's desires are few, and quickly sated, and -yet he is expected to continue living with desires burned up and blown -away to ash. He gets to a point where nothing has a value ... even -to a point where his own personal values are no more than shadows. -Gentlemen, there was a time when I could not have committed murder ... -literally could not have forced myself to kill another man ... but -today I could, without a second thought. Disillusion and cynicism have -crept in upon me and I have no conscience." - - * * * * * - -"There are compensations," Riggs said. "Your family...." - -"They get in my hair," said Young disgustedly. "Thousands upon -thousands of young squirts calling me Grandsire and Ancestor and coming -to me for advice they practically never follow. I don't know even a -fraction of them and I listen to them carefully explain a relationship -so tangled and trivial that it makes me yawn in their faces. It's all -new to them and so old, so damned and damnably old to me." - -"Ancestor Young," said Stanford, "you have seen Man spread out from -Earth to distant stellar systems. You have seen the human race expand -from one planet to several thousand planets. You have had a part in -this. Is there not some satisfaction...." - -"You're talking in abstracts," Young cut in. "What I am concerned about -is myself ... a certain specific mass of protoplasm shaped in biped -form and tagged by the designation, ironic as it may seem, of Andrew -Young. I have been unselfish all my life. I've asked little for myself. -Now I am being utterly and entirely selfish and I ask that this matter -be regarded as a personal problem rather than as a racial abstraction." - -"Whether you'll admit it or not," said Stanford, "it is more than a -personal problem. It is a problem which some day must be solved for the -salvation of the race." - -"That is what I am trying to impress upon you," Young snapped. "It is a -problem that you must face. Some day you will solve it, but until you -do, you must make provisions for those who face the unsolved problem." - -"Wait a while," counseled Chairman Riggs. "Who knows? Today, tomorrow." - -"Or a million years from now," Young told him bitterly and left, a -tall, vigorous-looking man whose step was swift in anger where normally -it was slow with weariness and despair. - - * * * * * - -There was yet a chance, of course. - -But there was little hope. - -How can a man go back almost six thousand years and snare a thing he -never understood? - -And yet Andrew Young remembered it. Remembered it as clearly as if it -had been a thing that had happened in the morning of this very day. - -It was a shining thing, a bright thing, a happiness that was brand-new -and fresh as a bluebird's wing of an April morning or a shy woods -flower after sudden rain. - -He had been a boy and he had seen the bluebird and he had no words to -say the thing he felt, but he had held up his tiny fingers and pointed -and shaped his lips to coo. - -Once, he thought, I had it in my very fingers and I did not have the -experience to know what it was, nor the value of it. And now I know the -value, but it has escaped me--it escaped me on the day that I began -to think like a human being. The first adult thought pushed it just -a little and the next one pushed it farther and finally it was gone -entirely and I didn't even know that it had gone. - -He sat in the chair on the flagstone patio and felt the Sun upon him, -filtering through the branches of trees misty with the breaking leaves -of Spring. - -Something else, thought Andrew Young. Something that was not -human--yet. A tiny animal that had many ways to choose, many roads to -walk. And, of course, I chose the wrong way. I chose the human way. But -there was another way. I know there must have been. A fairy way--or a -brownie way, or maybe even pixie. That sounds foolish and childish now, -but it wasn't always. - -I chose the human way because I was guided into it. I was pushed and -shoved, like a herded sheep. - -I grew up and I lost the thing I held. - -He sat and made his mind go hard and tried to analyze what it was he -sought and there was no name for it. Except happiness. And happiness -was a state of being, not a thing to regain and grasp. - - * * * * * - -But he could remember how it felt. With his eyes open in the present, -he could remember the brightness of the day of the past, the -clean-washed goodness of it, the wonder of the colors that were more -brilliant than he ever since had seen--as if it were the first second -after Creation and the world was still shiningly new. - -It was that new, of course. It would be that new to a child. - -But that didn't explain it all. - -It didn't explain the bottomless capacity for seeing and knowing and -believing in the beauty and the goodness of a clean new world. It -didn't explain the almost non-human elation of knowing that there were -colors to see and scents to smell and soft green grass to touch. - -I'm insane, Andrew Young said to himself. Insane, or going insane. -But if insanity will take me back to an understanding of the strange -perception I had when I was a child, and lost, I'll take insanity. - -He leaned back in his chair and let his eyes go shut and his mind drift -back. - -He was crouching in a corner of a garden and the leaves were drifting -down from the walnut trees like a rain of saffron gold. He lifted one -of the leaves and it slipped from his fingers, for his hands were -chubby still and not too sure in grasping. But he tried again and he -clutched it by the stem in one stubby fist and he saw that it was not -just a blob of yellowness, but delicate, with many little veins. When -he held it so that the Sun struck it, he imagined that he could almost -see through it, the gold was spun so fine. - -He crouched with the leaf clutched tightly in his hand and for a -moment there was a silence that held him motionless. Then he heard the -frost-loosened leaves pattering all around him, pattering as they fell, -talking in little whispers as they sailed down through the air and -found themselves a bed with their golden fellows. - -In that moment he knew that he was one with the leaves and the -whispers that they made, one with the gold and the autumn sunshine and -the far blue mist upon the hill above the apple orchard. - -A foot crunched stone behind him and his eyes came open and the golden -leaves were gone. - -"I am sorry if I disturbed you, Ancestor," said the man. "I had an -appointment for this hour, but I would not have disturbed you if I had -known." - -Young stared at him reproachfully without answering. - -"I am kin," the man told him. - -"I wouldn't doubt it," said Andrew Young. "The Galaxy is cluttered up -with descendants of mine." - -The man was very humble. "Of course, you must resent us sometimes. But -we are proud of you, sir. I might almost say that we revere you. No -other family--" - -"I know," interrupted Andrew Young. "No other family has any fossil -quite so old as I am." - -"Nor as wise," said the man. - -Andrew Young snorted. "Cut out that nonsense. Let's hear what you have -to say and get it over with." - - * * * * * - -The technician was harassed and worried and very frankly puzzled. But -he stayed respectful, for one always was respectful to an ancestor, -whoever he might be. Today there were mighty few left who had been born -into a mortal world. - -Not that Andrew Young looked old. He looked like all adults, a fine -figure of a person in the early twenties. - -The technician shifted uneasily. "But, sir, this ... this...." - -"Teddy bear," said Young. - -"Yes, of course. An extinct terrestrial subspecies of animal?" - -"It's a toy," Young told him. "A very ancient toy. All children used to -have them five thousand years ago. They took them to bed." - - * * * * * - -The technician shuddered. "A deplorable custom. Primitive." - -"Depends on the viewpoint," said Young. "I've slept with them many a -time. There's a world of comfort in one, I can personally assure you." - -The technician saw that it was no use to argue. He might as well -fabricate the thing and get it over with. - -"I can build you a fine model, sir," he said, trying to work up some -enthusiasm. "I'll build in a response mechanism so that it can give -simple answers to certain keyed questions and, of course, I'll fix it -so it'll walk, either on two legs or four...." - -"No," said Andrew Young. - -The technician looked surprised and hurt. "No?" - -"No," repeated Andrew Young. "I don't want it fancied up. I want it -a simple lump of make-believe. No wonder the children of today have -no imagination. Modern toys entertain them with a bag of tricks that -leave the young'uns no room for imagination. They couldn't possibly -think up, on their own, all the screwy things these new toys do. -Built-in responses and implied consciousness and all such mechanical -trivia...." - -"You just want a stuffed fabric," said the technician, sadly, "with -jointed arms and legs." - -"Precisely," agreed Young. - -"You're sure you want fabric, sir? I could do a neater job in plastics." - -"Fabric," Young insisted firmly, "and it must be scratchy." - -"Scratchy, sir?" - -"Sure. You know. Bristly. So it scratches when you rub your face -against it." - -"But no one in his right mind would want to rub his face...." - -"I would," said Andrew Young. "I fully intend to do so." - -"As you wish, sir," the technician answered, beaten now. - -"When you get it done," said Young, "I have some other things in mind." - -"Other things?" The technician looked wildly about, as if seeking some -escape. - -"A high chair," said Young. "And a crib. And a woolly dog. And buttons." - -"Buttons?" asked the technician. "What are buttons?" - -"I'll explain it all to you," Young told him airily. "It all is very -simple." - - * * * * * - -It seemed, when Andrew Young came into the room, that Riggs and -Stanford had been expecting him, had known that he was coming and had -been waiting for him. - -He wasted no time on preliminaries or formalities. - -They know, he told himself. They know, or they have guessed. They would -be watching me. Ever since I brought in my petition, they have been -watching me, wondering what I would be thinking, trying to puzzle out -what I might do next. They know every move I've made, they know about -the toys and the furniture and all the other things. And I don't need -to tell them what I plan to do. - -"I need some help," he said, and they nodded soberly, as if they had -guessed he needed help. - -"I want to build a house," he explained. "A big house. Much larger than -the usual house." - -Riggs said, "We'll draw the plans for you. Do anything else that you--" - -"A house," Young went on, "about four or five times as big as the -ordinary house. Four or five times normal scale, I mean. Doors -twenty-five to thirty feet high and everything else in proportion." - -"Neighbors or privacy?" asked Stanford. - -"Privacy," said Young. - -"We'll take care of it," promised Riggs. "Leave the matter of the house -to us." - -Young stood for a long moment, looking at the two of them. Then he -said, "I thank you, gentlemen. I thank you for your helpfulness and -your understanding. But most of all I thank you for not asking any -questions." - -He turned slowly and walked out of the room and they sat in silence for -minutes after he was gone. - -Finally, Stanford offered a deduction: "It will have to be a place that -a boy would like. Woods to run in and a little stream to fish in and a -field where he can fly his kites. What else could it be?" - -"He's been out ordering children's furniture and toys," Riggs agreed. -"Stuff from five thousand years ago. The kind of things he used when he -was a child. But scaled to adult size." - -"Now," said Stanford, "he wants a house built to the same proportions. -A house that will make him think or help him believe that he is a -child. But will it work, Riggs? His body will not change. He cannot -make it change. It will only be in his mind." - -"Illusion," declared Riggs. "The illusion of bigness in relation to -himself. To a child, creeping on the floor, a door is twenty-five to -thirty feet high, relatively. Of course the child doesn't know that. -But Andrew Young does. I don't see how he'll overcome that." - -"At first," suggested Stanford, "he will know that it's illusion, but -after a time, isn't there a possibility that it will become reality so -far as he's concerned? That's why he needs our help. So that the house -will not be firmly planted in his memory as a thing that's merely out -of proportion ... so that it will slide from illusion into reality -without too great a strain." - -"We must keep our mouths shut." Riggs nodded soberly. "There must be no -interference. It's a thing he must do himself ... entirely by himself. -Our help with the house must be the help of an unseen, silent agency. -Like brownies, I think the term was that he used, we must help and be -never seen. Intrusion by anyone would introduce a jarring note and -would destroy illusion and that is all he has to work on. Illusion pure -and simple." - -"Others have tried," objected Stanford, pessimistic again. "Many -others. With gadgets and machines...." - -"None has tried it," said Riggs, "with the power of mind alone. With -the sheer determination to wipe out five thousand years of memory." - -"That will be his stumbling block," said Stanford. "The old, dead -memories are the things he has to beat. He has to get rid of them ... -not just bury them, but get rid of them for good and all, forever." - -"He must do more than that," said Riggs. "He must replace his memories -with the outlook he had when he was a child. His mind must be washed -out, refreshed, wiped clean and shining and made new again ... ready to -live another five thousand years." - -The two men sat and looked at one another and in each other's eyes they -saw a single thought--the day would come when they, too, each of them -alone, would face the problem Andrew Young faced. - -"We must help," said Riggs, "in every way we can and we must keep watch -and we must be ready ... but Andrew Young cannot know that we are -helping or that we are watching him. We must anticipate the materials -and tools and the aids that he may need." - - * * * * * - -Stanford started to speak, then hesitated, as if seeking in his mind -for the proper words. - -"Yes," said Riggs. "What is it?" - -"Later on," Stanford managed to say, "much later on, toward the very -end, there is a certain factor that we must supply. The one thing that -he will need the most and the one thing that he cannot think about, -even in advance. All the rest can be stage setting and he can still -go on toward the time when it becomes reality. All the rest may be -make-believe, but one thing must come as genuine or the entire effort -will collapse in failure." - -Riggs nodded. "Of course. That's something we'll have to work out -carefully." - -"If we can," Stanford said. - - * * * * * - -The yellow button over here and the red one over there and the green -one doesn't fit, so I'll throw it on the floor and just for the fun of -it, I'll put the pink one in my mouth and someone will find me with -it and they'll raise a ruckus because they will be afraid that I will -swallow it. - -And there's nothing, absolutely nothing, that I love better than a -full-blown ruckus. Especially if it is over me. - -"Ug," said Andrew Young, and he swallowed the button. - -He sat stiff and straight in the towering high chair and then, in -a fury, swept the oversized muffin tin and its freight of buttons -crashing to the floor. - -For a second he felt like weeping in utter frustration and then a sense -of shame crept in on him. - -Big baby, he said to himself. - -Crazy to be sitting in an overgrown high chair, playing with buttons -and mouthing baby talk and trying to force a mind conditioned by five -thousand years of life into the channels of an infant's thoughts. - -Carefully he disengaged the tray and slid it out, cautiously shinnied -down the twelve-foot-high chair. - -The room engulfed him, the ceiling towering far above him. - -The neighbors, he told himself, no doubt thought him crazy, although -none of them had said so. Come to think of it, he had not seen any of -his neighbors for a long spell now. - -A suspicion came into his mind. Maybe they knew what he was doing, -maybe they were deliberately keeping out of his way in order not to -embarrass him. - -That, of course, would be what they would do if they had realized -what he was about. But he had expected ... he had expected ... that -fellow, what's his name? ... at the commission, what's the name of -that commission, anyhow? Well, anyway, he'd expected a fellow whose -name he couldn't remember from a commission the name of which he could -not recall to come snooping around, wondering what he might be up to, -offering to help, spoiling the whole setup, everything he'd planned. - -I can't remember, he complained to himself. I can't remember the name -of a man whose name I knew so short a time ago as yesterday. Nor the -name of a commission that I knew as well as I know my name. I'm getting -forgetful. I'm getting downright childish. - -Childish? - -Childish! - -Childish and forgetful. - -Good Lord, thought Andrew Young, that's just the way I want it. - -On hands and knees he scrabbled about and picked up the buttons, put -them in his pocket. Then, with the muffin tin underneath his arm, he -shinnied up the high chair and, seating himself comfortably, sorted -out the buttons in the pan. - -The green one over here in this compartment and the yellow one ... -oops, there she goes onto the floor. And the red one in with the blue -one and this one ... this one ... what's the color of this one? Color? -What's that? - -What is what? - -What-- - - * * * * * - -"It's almost time," said Stanford, "and we are ready, as ready as we'll -ever be. We'll move in when the time is right, but we can't move in too -soon. Better to be a little late than a little early. We have all the -things we need. Special size diapers and--" - -"Good Lord," exclaimed Riggs, "it won't go that far, will it?" - -"It should," said Stanford. "It should go even further to work right. -He got lost yesterday. One of our men found him and led him home. He -didn't have the slightest idea where he was and he was getting pretty -scared and he cried a little. He chattered about birds and flowers and -he insisted that our man stay and play with him." - -Riggs chuckled softly. "Did he?" - -"Oh, certainly. He came back worn to a frazzle." - -"Food?" I asked Riggs. "How is he feeding himself?" - -"We see there's a supply of stuff, cookies and such-wise, left on a -low shelf, where he can get at them. One of the robots cooks up some -more substantial stuff on a regular schedule and leaves it where he can -find it. We have to be careful. We can't mess around too much. We can't -intrude on him. I have a feeling he's almost reached an actual turning -point. We can't afford to upset things now that he's come this far." - -"The android's ready?" - -"Just about," said Stanford. - -"And the playmates?" - -"Ready. They were less of a problem." - -"There's nothing more that we can do?" - -"Nothing," Stanford said. "Just wait, that's all. Young has carried -himself this far by the sheer force of will alone. That will is gone -now. He can't consciously force himself any further back. He is more -child than adult now. He's built up a regressive momentum and the only -question is whether that momentum is sufficient to carry him all the -way back to actual babyhood." - -"It has to go back to that?" Riggs looked unhappy, obviously thinking -of his own future. "You're only guessing, aren't you?" - -"All the way or it simply is no good," Stanford said dogmatically. "He -has to get an absolutely fresh start. All the way or nothing." - -"And if he gets stuck halfway between? Half child, half man, what then?" - -"That's something I don't want to think about," Stanford said. - - * * * * * - -He had lost his favorite teddy bear and gone to hunt it in the dusk -that was filled with elusive fireflies and the hush of a world quieting -down for the time of sleep. The grass was drenched with dew and he felt -the cold wetness of it soaking through his shoes as he went from bush -to hedge to flowerbed, looking for the missing toy. - -It was necessary, he told himself, that he find the nice little bear, -for it was the one that slept with him and if he did not find it, he -knew that it would spend a lonely and comfortless night. But at no time -did he admit, even to his innermost thought, that it was he who needed -the bear and not the bear who needed him. - -A soaring bat swooped low and for a horrified moment, catching sight -of the zooming terror, a blob of darkness in the gathering dusk, he -squatted low against the ground, huddling against the sudden fear that -came out of the night. Sounds of fright bubbled in his throat and now -he saw the great dark garden as an unknown place, filled with lurking -shadows that lay in wait for him. - -He stayed cowering against the ground and tried to fight off the alien -fear that growled from behind each bush and snarled in every darkened -corner. But even as the fear washed over him, there was one hidden -corner of his mind that knew there was no need of fear. It was as if -that one area of his brain still fought against the rest of him, as if -that small section of cells might know that the bat was no more than a -flying bat, that the shadows in the garden were no more than absence of -light. - -There was a reason, he knew, why he should not be afraid--a good reason -born of a certain knowledge he no longer had. And that he should have -such knowledge seemed unbelievable, for he was scarcely two years old. - - * * * * * - -He tried to say it--two years old. - -There was something wrong with his tongue, something the matter with -the way he had to use his mouth, with the way his lips refused to shape -the words he meant to say. - -He tried to define the words, tried to tell himself what he meant by -two years old and one moment it seemed that he knew the meaning of it -and then it escaped him. - -The bat came again and he huddled close against the ground, shivering -as he crouched. He lifted his eyes fearfully, darting glances here and -there, and out of the corner of his eye he saw the looming house and it -was a place he knew as refuge. - -"House," he said, and the word was wrong, not the word itself, but the -way he said it. - -He ran on trembling, unsure feet and the great door loomed before him, -with the latch too high to reach. But there was another way, a small -swinging door built into the big door, the sort of door that is built -for cats and dogs and sometimes little children. He darted through -it and felt the sureness and the comfort of the house about him. The -sureness and the comfort--and the loneliness. - -He found his second-best teddy bear, and, picking it up, clutched it to -his breast, sobbing into its scratchy back in pure relief from terror. - -There is something wrong, he thought. Something dreadfully wrong. -Something is as it should not be. It is not the garden or the darkened -bushes or the swooping winged shape that came out of the night. It is -something else, something missing, something that should be here and -isn't. - -Clutching the teddy bear, he sat rigid and tried desperately to drive -his mind back along the way that would tell him what was wrong. There -was an answer, he was sure of that. There was an answer somewhere; at -one time he had known it. At one time he had recognized the need he -felt and there had been no way to supply it--and now he couldn't even -know the need, could feel it, but he could not know it. - -He clutched the bear closer and huddled in the darkness, watching the -moonbeam that came through a window, high above his head, and etched a -square of floor in brightness. - -Fascinated, he watched the moonbeam and all at once the terror faded. -He dropped the bear and crawled on hands and knees, stalking the -moonbeam. It did not try to get away and he reached its edge and thrust -his hands into it and laughed with glee when his hands were painted by -the light coming through the window. - -He lifted his face and stared up at the blackness and saw the white -globe of the Moon, looking at him, watching him. The Moon seemed to -wink at him and he chortled joyfully. - -Behind him a door creaked open and he turned clumsily around. - -Someone stood in the doorway, almost filling it--a beautiful person who -smiled at him. Even in the darkness he could sense the sweetness of the -smile, the glory of her golden hair. - -"Time to eat, Andy," said the woman. "Eat and get a bath and then to -bed." - -Andrew Young hopped joyfully on both feet, arms held out--happy and -excited and contented. - -"Mummy!" he cried. "Mummy ... Moon!" - -He swung about with a pointing finger and the woman came swiftly across -the floor, knelt and put her arms around him, held him close against -her. His cheek against hers, he stared up at the Moon and it was a -wondrous thing, a bright and golden thing, a wonder that was shining -new and fresh. - - * * * * * - -On the street outside, Stanford and Riggs stood looking up at the huge -house that towered above the trees. - -"She's in there now," said Stanford. "Everything's quiet so it must be -all right." - -Riggs said, "He was crying in the garden. He ran in terror for the -house. He stopped crying about the time she must have come in." - -Stanford nodded. "I was afraid we were putting it off too long, -but I don't see now how we could have done it sooner. Any outside -interference would have shattered the thing he tried to do. He had to -really need her. Well, it's all right now. The timing was just about -perfect." - -"You're sure, Stanford?" - -"Sure? Certainly I am sure. We created the android and we trained her. -We instilled a deep maternal sense into her personality. She knows what -to do. She is almost human. She is as close as we could come to a human -mother eighteen feet tall. We don't know what Young's mother looked -like, but chances are he doesn't either. Over the years his memory has -idealized her. That's what we did. We made an ideal mother." - -"If it only works," said Riggs. - -"It will work," said Stanford, confidently. "Despite the shortcomings -we may discover by trial and error, it will work. He's been -fighting himself all this time. Now he can quit fighting and shift -responsibility. It's enough to get him over the final hump, to place -him safely and securely in the second childhood that he had to have. -Now he can curl up, contented. There is someone to look after him and -think for him and take care of him. He'll probably go back just a -little further ... a little closer to the cradle. And that is good, for -the further he goes, the more memories are erased." - -"And then?" asked Riggs worriedly. - -"Then he can proceed to grow up again." - -They stood watching, silently. - -In the enormous house, lights came on in the kitchen and the windows -gleamed with a homey brightness. - -I, too, Stanford was thinking. Some day, I, too. Young has pointed the -way, he has blazed the path. He had shown us, all the other billions -of us, here on Earth and all over the Galaxy, the way it can be done. -There will be others and for them there will be more help. We'll know -then how to do it better. - -Now we have something to work on. - -Another thousand years or so, he thought, and I will go back, too. Back -to the cradle and the dreams of childhood and the safe security of a -mother's arms. - -It didn't frighten him in the least. - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Second Childhood, by Clifford D. 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