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diff --git a/old/50195-0.txt b/old/50195-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 0b7297b..0000000 --- a/old/50195-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,4007 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Practical Etiquette, by Cora C. (N. C.) Klein - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: Practical Etiquette - -Author: Cora C. (N. C.) Klein - -Release Date: October 13, 2015 [EBook #50195] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PRACTICAL ETIQUETTE *** - - - - -Produced by David Edwards, Emmy and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images generously made available by The -Internet Archive) - - - - - - - - - - -PRACTICAL ETIQUETTE - - BY N. C. - - _TWENTIETH THOUSAND_ - - _Entirely Re-written and - Enlarged_ - - CHICAGO - A. FLANAGAN. - - - - - COPYRIGHT, - - 1899, - - BY A. FLANAGAN - - - - -PREFACE. - - -The very extensive sale of Practical Etiquette, a sale that has -required the issuance of a large number of editions of the little -manual, has been very gratifying to its author, as was also the -commission of its publisher to re-write and enlarge the work. This -commission, however, brought with it a keen sense of responsibility, -for the author feels that a new work on etiquette can find a _raison -d’être_ only in a fairly successful attempt at answering practically -every question that can arise concerning social relations, at least -in ordinary social life. But to speak with authority on all matters -of “good form” is to speak dogmatically, and so to speak is in itself -not good form. Nevertheless, and in spite of this dilemma, the author -has attempted herein to decide, when compelled to do so, between -conflicting opinions in mere matters of social custom, and has given -as authority the opinion that seemed to her to conform most nearly -to common sense, embodying such opinion in an unqualified statement -without citing authority. Fortunately, social customs are now so nearly -uniform in all parts of the country, that one familiar with the ways of -good society in the West or in the North, is at home in good society in -the East or in the South. - -The author is under obligation to so many persons for suggestions and -advice, as well as to many authors, that it does not seem best to give -a list of the same, especially as such list could be only a partial -one, for many of her friends would not desire mention of their names. - - N. C. - -_Dec. 1, 1899._ - - - - -CONTENTS. - - - CHAPTER I. - INTRODUCTIONS 7 - CALLS 9 - CARDS 15 - VISITING 20 - - CHAPTER II. - NOTES OF INVITATION 21 - ANNOUNCEMENT CARDS 26 - WEDDING INVITATIONS 30 - ACCEPTANCES AND REGRETS 32 - LETTERS 35 - LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION 39 - - CHAPTER III. - DINNERS 41 - LUNCHEONS 44 - BREAKFASTS 44 - TEAS 44 - RECEPTIONS 46 - DANCING PARTIES 46 - CARD PARTIES 47 - WEDDINGS 48 - WEDDING GIFTS 52 - WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES 53 - - CHAPTER IV. - CONVERSATION 56 - CHAPERONAGE 60 - MARRIAGE 62 - DOMESTIC ETIQUETTE AND DUTIES 64 - - CHAPTER V. - DRESS 66 - GLOVES 69 - STREET ETIQUETTE 70 - TRAVELING 73 - BICYCLING 75 - TELEPHONING 76 - - CHAPTER VI. - THE TABLE AND SERVICE AT TABLE 79 - HABITS AT TABLE 86 - SERVANTS AND SERVING 94 - - CHAPTER VII. - FUNERALS 98 - MOURNING 100 - - CHAPTER VIII. - POLITENESS OF YOUNG CHILDREN 102 - SCHOOL-ROOM ETIQUETTE 108 - - CHAPTER IX. - OFFICIAL ETIQUETTE 111 - - CHAPTER X. - BUSINESS CORRESPONDENCE 113 - LETTERS OF APPLICATION, ETC. 116 - - CHAPTER XI. - GENERAL HINTS 124 - - - - -INTRODUCTION. - - “True politeness is to do and say - The kindest thing in the kindest way.” - - -If civil law is the outgrowth of regard for other people’s rights, -social law is equally the outgrowth of regard for other people’s -feelings and convenience. Social law is kindness and good-will and the -desire to be agreeable codified. A system of so much importance cannot -be unworthy of consideration. - -The very essence of good manners is self-possession, and -self-possession is another name for self-forgetfulness. Gentility is -neither in birth, manner, nor fashion, but in the mind. A high sense -of honor, a determination never to take a mean advantage of another, -and an adherence to truth, delicacy, and politeness towards those -with whom one may have dealings, are the essential and distinguishing -characteristics of a gentleman. - -Quietness in all things is an essential element to a well-bred person. -He shuns all outward display of his personality; he cares not to be -seen or heard; he eschews noisy and grandiloquent talk; he avoids -showy and noticeable costumes. His voice is low; his words simple; and -his actions grave. He holds himself habitually under restraint; his -words never seem to vibrate with emotion. - -Habits are said to be good or bad as the result of actions that are -right or wrong. A man of good habits is one who has for so long a time -practiced right thinking, speaking, and doing, that he acts properly -from force of habit. - -Good manners are not to be put on for particular occasions, like fine -clothes, but they should be one’s second nature. The simpler and more -easy and unconstrained one’s manners, the more he will impress people -with his good breeding. Affectation is one of the brazen marks of -vulgarity. - -[Illustration] - - - - -CHAPTER I. - -INTRODUCTIONS, CALLS, CARDS, VISITING. - - “A beautiful behavior gives a higher pleasure than - statues or pictures; it is the finest of the fine - arts.”—_Emerson._ - - -INTRODUCTIONS. - -In introducing persons, one should be careful to pronounce each name -distinctly. - -When either name is not perfectly understood, a repetition of it should -be requested of the person making the introduction. When introductions -are given, it is the man who should be presented to the woman; when two -women are introduced, it is the younger who is presented to the elder. -For example, in presenting Mr. Jones to Mrs. Smith, it is Mrs. Smith’s -name that is first mentioned. The word “introduce” is preferred to -“present.” Informal introductions are given by merely mentioning the -names; as, “Mrs. Smith, Mr. Jones,” and this is ordinarily sufficient. - -In introducing two sisters, the elder is “Miss Smith” and the younger -“Miss Virginia Smith.” - -When two women are introduced to each other, it is not necessary for -either to rise; a bow and a smile from each is sufficient. - -A woman does not rise when a man is presented to her, unless he is -very old or is a person of great importance. Upon being introduced, a -married woman may offer her hand to a man but it is not customary for a -young woman to do so. - -It is the duty of a man who attends a private entertainment, to have -himself presented to every member of the family whom he does not know. - -An introduction in the street car is very bad form. - -One should never forget that it is difficult, almost impossible, for -some people to remember names and faces, and that such people actually -suffer from their inability to recognize and call by name persons to -whom they may have been introduced recently. - -It is not uncommon to see one approach such a person, offer her hand, -and say, if there is not an immediate recognition, “I am afraid you -do not remember me,” while the person approached stands in agony, and -gradually makes an apology for her poor memory, and asks the name. - -One who is truly polite, who is at all thoughtful for another person’s -feelings, would not be the cause of such a scene. She would prevent it -by saying: “I am Mrs. Smith. I had the pleasure of meeting you at Mrs. -Brown’s luncheon last Thursday;” or something of the kind. - -Whenever one has reason to think his name or face may have been -forgotten, he should make himself known, in approaching another person, -by giving his name at least. - - -CALLS. - -A first call ought to be returned within a very short time. - -A lady when receiving rises as her callers enter, and they immediately -advance to pay their respects to her before speaking to others. - -A man takes any vacant chair, without troubling the hostess to look -after him. - -A man rises when women with whom he is talking rise to take their -leave. Women calling do not rise unless those who are leaving are -friends older than themselves. - -When taking leave, one ought to choose a moment when there is a lull in -the conversation, and then take leave of the hostess, letting one bow -include the others in the room. - -One month after the birth of a child, a call of congratulation is made -by acquaintances. - -A call of condolence is made within ten days after the death, if the -caller is on intimate terms with the family, or within a month if -otherwise. - -Calls of congratulation are due to the newly married, and to the -parents who gave the invitations to the marriage. - -A man invited by a woman to call upon her, cannot, without great -discourtesy, neglect to pay the call within a week. - -A lady will never keep a caller waiting, without sending word that she -will be in immediately. - -One ought always to return a call, but if the acquaintance is not -desirable, the first call may be the last. - -Some women only rise when their callers leave, others accompany them as -far as the drawing-room door; but it is always polite for a hostess to -accompany her visitors to the front door when they take their leave, -if there is not a servant on hand to open the door for them. The best -bred hostesses even go so far as to accompany their callers to the -elevator in a hotel or an apartment-house. Of course, if one has more -than one caller at a time, it would be discourteous to leave the others -to accompany one to the door; but, otherwise, it is rude to permit a -friend to go to the door alone, and get out as best she may. - -A bride who is “At Home after November first,” should make a point of -literally staying at home for an hour or two every afternoon during -the month of November and the early part of December. She should be -dressed to receive callers, and should have some dainty refreshments -ready to serve,—tea and sandwiches or cake. After the first week of -December the bride may begin to return her calls, calling first on -those who first called upon her, and so on. - -When the “at home” is a large and formal function, with engraved -invitations and all the accessories of hired waiters, an elaborate -repast, floral decorations, etc.,—such as a debutante’s coming out, a -wedding reception, or a reception to celebrate a wedding anniversary, -and other large entertainments of this order,—an after-call is -obligatory. But an ordinary “at home” does not demand another call, -for instance, the reception or “days” a bride has on her return from -her wedding trip, or when she is settled in her new home; or a tea or -“days” for which a hostess informally sends the invitations written or -engraved on her visiting cards, and receives with little ceremony and -serves only a modest menu. On the contrary, the hostess owes a return -call to all who attend; and only those who were invited, but were -unable to be present, are in debt to her. - -The length of time proper for one to stay at an “at home” depends -on circumstances. It is always a compliment to one’s hostess to -make a long visit at “a day”, for it implies that one is having a -pleasant time; but nobody should stay long enough to be a burden on -the hostess’s hospitality, or to detain her from her other guests. If -one finds that she does not know any one present, or if she is not -introduced to a congenial person with whom she can have a pleasant -chat, it would be wise for her to leave after a conventional ten or -fifteen minutes’ call. - -The calling code demands that soon after a second caller is announced, -the caller who was first present shall take leave of the hostess. The -reason for this rule is obvious: visitor number one has already had -a little time of uninterrupted _tête-à-tête_ with the hostess before -visitor number two appeared, and he or she should generously retire -first, so that visitor number two may have the same privilege. But -while this is the law, it depends somewhat on circumstances whether it -is always carried out. If the first caller is an intimate friend of -the hostess, and has come to have a long informal talk with her, and -the second caller is merely a formal visitor whose obvious intention -is to make a ceremonious visit, then the first comer may, with perfect -propriety, outstay the other; or if the hostess has particularly asked -the former to remain until after the latter goes, he may do so, and, of -course, if the first visitor has come for some special reason, and the -visitor who is announced later interrupts an important conversation, -which, for business or other reasons, should be continued, the former -is naturally justified in transgressing the calling code. All things -being equal, however, it is the place of the first comer to be the -first goer; and one must have a very good excuse for outstaying a -caller who comes later. - -Guests who are invited to attend one large reception which is given for -the express purpose of introducing a young woman into society, should -make a call after the reception, but if the _débutante_ is introduced -at a series of “days,” the callers need call but once, on one of the -“days.” - -An invitation to any kind of “day” or reception demands a card from -a person who is unable to attend the function; and the card should -be sent on the day of the reception, even if the invitation to the -function has been already answered, and even if an after-call is in -order. - -When one calls on an acquaintance who is staying with a relative, the -caller should ask for the latter (the hostess), even if she does not -know her, and she should leave one of her own and one of her husband’s -cards for her, as well as one of each for her friend. It is not -obligatory to leave two of her husband’s cards for each woman. Even -in the most formal visiting, it is optional whether one leaves one or -two cards. Probably the hostess will excuse herself altogether; but the -caller must show her the courtesy of asking for her. - -In making a call it is proper to give one’s card to the servant who -opens the door, if it is not a regular reception day; but on such an -occasion the card should be left either in the dressing-room or on the -hall table in passing out. - -In making a formal call ten minutes is quite long enough to stay. - -When one is returning visits and driving, it would be in very bad taste -to have the coachman get off his box and take the card to the door. It -is the woman’s place to deliver her card in person, unless she has a -footman to attend to it for her. - -In making an evening call a man should appear about half-past eight, -and remain an hour. Even if his visit is to the daughter, he should ask -for her mother. - -It is quite proper, when making calls with a friend, for one to write -her name in pencil on her friend’s card, if she has no card of her own -with her. - -Those women whose households are most modest find that the day “at -home” is a great convenience, since, having a special time for -receiving one’s friends, all necessary arrangements can be made -beforehand, and no embarrassing situations are apt to occur. - -When one calls on a friend who lives in a flat, she should, immediately -after ringing, call through the tube her name and that of the person -she wishes to see. - -A man leaves his overcoat, hat, and stick in the hall when making an -evening call; when calling in the afternoon he leaves his overcoat in -the hall, but carries his hat and stick into the drawing-room with him. - -When a daughter is in the parlor, and her mother is entertaining -callers, she should rise when her mother does in bidding them good-day. - -It is very improper for a young girl who is ill to receive men callers -in her room. - - -CARDS. - -When an invitation to a reception is sent in the name of several -women, a guest should leave or send cards for all whose names are on -the invitation. A woman leaves with her own cards the cards of those -members of her family who are unable to call. - -A young woman, when calling upon her friends with a young man who is a -stranger to them, should send his card with her own to the hostess and -other women of the household. - -In making formal calls a visitor invariably hands her cards to the -servant who opens the door with a card tray in her hand; when calling -informally one may simply give her name to the servant at the door, but -then leaves no card later. - -A married woman, when making formal calls, leaves one of her husband’s -and one of her own cards for the hostess and for every other woman she -asks for in the house, and one of her husband’s cards, besides, for -the host; but, while this is the rule for formal visiting, it is quite -permissible for a married woman, when calling on a number of women who -reside in the same house, to leave, besides her own and her husband’s -for the host and hostess, only one more of each for all the others. - -In making formal visits, and subsequent calls after the first formal -visit has been made, a married woman need leave only one of her -husband’s cards with her own; and in making a call in acknowledgment of -an invitation to an entertainment to which she alone was invited,—such -as a woman’s luncheon,—she should leave only one of her own. - -The fashionable visiting card varies in size; but for a married woman -it is generally pure white and very thin, with the name engraved in -ordinary script. For a woman who lives in the country, it is in good -taste to have the name of her country place put just where, if she were -in the city, her town address would be, which is in the left hand lower -corner. - -If a woman receives “at home” cards for “Tuesdays in February,” and is -prevented from calling on any of the Tuesdays, she should send her card -in an envelope, either by hand or mail, on the first Tuesday, and call -on the hostess at the earliest opportunity on some other day. - -A man should use a card engraved, as “Mr. George Wellington Smith,” not -omitting the prefix, with the address in one corner, if desired. The -size of the card varies from time to time, but it is smaller than a -woman’s card. - -The names of mother and daughter or daughters are often engraved on one -card; as, - - ................................. - . . - . MRS. JUDSON BROWN. . - . MISS ANNA BROWN. . - . . - ................................. - - ........................... - . . - . MRS. JUDSON BROWN. . - . THE MISSES BROWN. . - . . - ........................... - -The following is the usual form for an unmarried woman’s card: - - ........................... - . . - . MISS MAY BROWN, . - . . - . 12 PINE ST. . - ........................... - -It is quite proper for a woman to retain her deceased husband’s name on -her visiting cards; as, “Mrs. John Smith.” It is equally proper for her -to use “Mrs. Jane Smith” for the purpose. - -When a caller is met by the hostess at the door, she should drop her -card in the card receiver or leave it on the hall table on her way out. -The object of such a card is not to introduce people when visiting, but -as a reminder of the visit. - -“P. P. C.” cards should be left on the occasion of a long absence (of -over three months); on leaving town at the close of the season; on -leaving a neighborhood where one has resided for years, or where one -has resided for months and sometimes only for weeks, but not when -changing houses in the same neighborhood, not even when about to be -married, unless one’s future home is to be in another city. The words -_pour prendre congé_ signify to take leave. - -“R. S. V. P.” means “_Repondez s’il vous plait_,” which is the French -for “Answer, if you please.” - -Turning down the corner of a visiting card, meaning that the call was -made in person, is no longer in vogue. One might leave her card in -person, writing on it “With kind inquiries,” when sickness or death has -entered the household of a friend, and thus show a delicate courtesy. - -It is proper for a hostess to shake hands with a man visitor on his -arrival and at his departure. - -It is an evidence of very bad taste for a young woman to send wedding -cards to a married man without including his wife’s name, even if she -has no acquaintance whatever with her. - -A young girl who is not “out” does not have visiting cards. If she is -the oldest or only daughter and is in society, her cards have upon them -“Miss Smith.” - -A woman should never ask a man formally calling to take his hat, or a -woman to lay aside her wraps. - -A card sent to an afternoon reception represents one’s self. It should -be sent either by mail or messenger, and never by a friend to deposit -upon the receiver with her own card. - - -VISITING. - -A guest should always ascertain what are the usual hours of rising, -taking meals, and retiring, and then conform scrupulously to them. - -Guests should give as little trouble as possible, and never apologize -for the extra trouble their visit necessarily occasions. - -If a ride, drive, or walk is proposed by one of the family -entertaining, a guest should acquiesce as far as her strength will -allow, and do all in her power to seem pleased by the efforts made for -her entertainment. - -Upon taking one’s departure, it is expected—and reasonably, too—that -some acknowledgment be made of the pleasure that has been afforded one. - -It is also proper upon returning home to inform the friends just left -of one’s safe arrival. - - - - -CHAPTER II. - -NOTES OF INVITATION, ANNOUNCEMENT CARDS, WEDDING INVITATIONS, -ACCEPTANCES AND REGRETS, LETTERS, LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION. - - “Politeness is one of those advantages which we never - estimate rightly, but by the inconvenience of its - loss.”—_Samuel Johnson._ - - -NOTES OF INVITATION. - -Notes of invitation for evening parties are issued in the name of the -lady of the house; as, - -_Mrs. James Little requests the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. George White’s -company on Monday evening, March seventeenth, from nine to twelve -o’clock._[A] - -The expression “presents compliments” is obsolete, as is also the -term “polite,” which was formerly used in acceptances or regrets. The -English form of “kind” or “very kind” is now substituted in its place. - -A very acceptable form of invitation for a mother (if the mother is not -living, the father’s name may be so used) and daughter is this: - -_Mrs. and Miss Graves at Home, Thursday, October twenty-seventh, from -eight to eleven o’clock._ - -When a very large dinner party is to be given, the invitations should -be issued at least two weeks in advance; and if some very celebrated -people are to be invited, twenty-one days should elapse between sending -out the invitations and the day of the function. For a small affair ten -days’ notice is sufficient. Invitations to large teas should be sent -out fourteen days in advance, but for small ones a week’s notice is -sufficient. - -In answering an invitation sent out in the name of both mother and -daughter, one should address the mother. - -When sending out invitations to evening parties, it is customary to -denote the amusement feature, if there is to be one, by naming it -in the lower left hand corner; as, “Dancing,” or “Cards,” or “Fancy -dress and masks.” The hour is designated thus: “Dancing after nine,” -or “German at eight o’clock,” or “Supper at half after seven,” and -underneath “Dancing.” Sometimes a separate card is enclosed, reading -“Dancing at nine o’clock.” - - _Mrs. George Brown requests the pleasure of Miss Lee’s - company on Tuesday evening, January seventh, at nine - o’clock._ - - _Dancing._ _221 Thirty-fifth Street._ - -The correct form of invitation for an entertainment where an -elocutionist is to be the principal feature is worded as follows: - - _Mrs. James Smith requests the pleasure of Mr. and - Mrs. Brown’s company on Thursday evening, December the - first, at eight o’clock._ - - _124 Jewell Avenue._ - - _Reading by Professor William White._ - -An invitation to a rose or lawn party might read thus: - - MRS. JAMES SMITH. - THE MISSES SMITH. - AT HOME - TUESDAY EVENING, JUNE THE TWENTY-EIGHTH, - AT EIGHT O’CLOCK. - - ROSE PARTY TO MEET - 212 SHERIDAN AVENUE. THE MISSES WHITE. - -In writing invitations for a club for which one is acting as secretary -it would be wise to put them in the third person, and then there would -be no embarrassment about the arrangement of names. - -The words “reception” and “at home” are synonymous. Each means an -entertainment which takes place between certain stated hours in the -afternoon or evening, where refreshments are served, and no especial -order of amusement is provided, unless it is specified in the -invitations. To a “reception” or “at home” the hostess generally sends -invitations to all on her calling list. These large functions are -usually given for some especial purpose; as, to introduce a _débutante_ -into society, to celebrate a wedding anniversary, or for the bride and -groom after the wedding ceremony, or merely that the hostess may meet -all her friends. - -There is, however, a decided distinction between a reception or an “at -home” and a tea or “days.” An invitation to the first is engraved on a -sheet of note paper or a large sized card, and is formally worded. The -hours for the afternoon function are usually from four until seven, -and one may expect to find at the house or place of entertainment -decorations of flowers and greens, and quite an elaborate repast -provided; but an invitation to a tea or to “days” does not imply that -anything but the simplest kind of menu will be served, nor that any -but simple preparations will be made. The invitations to the latter -entertainments may be the hostess’s visiting cards with the address -and “tea at four o’clock” written in one corner; or if the hostess -prefers to receive informally on more than one day, she may have the -form “Fridays,” or “Fridays in February,” or “First and third Fridays -in February,” or whatever days she chooses, written or engraved on her -cards. - -The formal luncheon hour is from one to two o’clock. Afternoon teas are -usually at five. One’s visiting card can be used only for an invitation -for an afternoon “at home;” invitations to dinner or luncheon must be -written out. In sending out cards for a tea one should simply write the -date and the hour in the lower left-hand corner; in sending a note, -whether by messenger or post, the number of the house and the name of -the street should be written out in full. - -The following is a good form of invitation to an “at home” given by -several women: - - MRS. JAMES SMITH - MRS. CHARLES WHITE - MRS. FREDERICK BROWN - AT HOME - SATURDAY, APRIL THE SIXTEENTH - AT FOUR O’CLOCK - 112 MADISON STREET - -The usual form of an invitation to a luncheon is as follows: - - MRS. JAMES BROWN - REQUESTS THE PLEASURE OF YOUR COMPANY - AT LUNCHEON - ON WEDNESDAY, APRIL THE SIXTH, - AT ONE O’CLOCK. - -Below this and to the right would be the address, and the date on which -the invitation is written. - -The invitation for a musical may be worded as follows: - - _Mrs. James Smith requests the pleasure of Miss Brown’s - company on Friday afternoon, March seventeenth, at two - o’clock._ - - _Music._ - _R.S.V.P._ _24 Queen Avenue._ - - -ANNOUNCEMENT CARDS. - -The simplest way to announce an engagement is for each of the engaged -couple to write short notes of announcement on the same day to each -one’s relatives and near friends. All these notes are sent so that they -will be received at the same time. They are written in the first person -on dainty note paper, and the best form is the simplest. The character -of the note must depend on the intimacy between the writer and the -recipient. - -A pretty and fashionable sequence to the announcement is for the bride -to give a tea for the express purpose of receiving congratulations. -She may mention it in her notes of announcement, and her _fiancé_ may -mention in his notes that she will be at home on a certain day at a -certain hour. She should then receive with her mother or some older -relative, and she should have some light refreshment provided for her -callers. All her young friends will call, and all the relatives and -near friends of her _fiancé_. The _fiancé_ should be present at the -tea, or he may come before it is over, but he should not formally -receive with his betrothed. - -Engagements are often announced in the newspapers. - -Wedding announcements or invitations should be sent in envelopes -addressed to the father and mother of the family, to the daughter or -daughters (addressed as the Misses), and to each of the grown sons. -All these invitations in their envelopes may be enclosed in an outside -envelope addressed to the parents. - -A wedding invitation or announcement card should always be addressed to -both members of a married couple, even if the bride or groom who sends -it is acquainted with only one. - -The correct form for wedding announcement cards is as follows: - - MR. AND MRS. JOHN SMITH - ANNOUNCE THE MARRIAGE OF THEIR DAUGHTER, - ANNA - TO - MR. FRANK BROWN - ON SATURDAY, OCTOBER THE TWENTY-SECOND, - EIGHTEEN HUNDRED AND NINETY-NINE. - WASHINGTON, D. C. - -The bride’s “at home” cards should be separate, but enclosed with the -announcements, and should read as follows: - - AT HOME - TUESDAY AFTERNOONS IN JANUARY. - 125 WEST FIFTEENTH STREET, - NEW YORK CITY. - -Announcement cards should be sent out immediately after the wedding -to every one on the bride’s and groom’s list. And, again, wedding -announcement cards need not be sent out in any one’s name. The -following is an example: - - MARRIED - ON WEDNESDAY, JANUARY THE EIGHTEENTH, - EIGHTEEN HUNDRED AND NINETY-NINE - AT ST. THOMAS’ CHURCH - NEW YORK, - MARGARET BAKER WHITE - TO - WILLIAM BARTON. - -When a bride is an orphan it is customary for the cards announcing her -wedding to be sent in the name of one of her near relatives, or else -they may read simply like the one given above. - -Wedding announcement cards demand no acknowledgment from an -acquaintance of the bride who lives at a distance, unless a “day” or -“days” are mentioned on them, when it is obligatory to send visiting -cards on the “day” or the first one of the “days;” otherwise, if one -wishes to be particularly polite, one may send a visiting-card in -acknowledgment of the announcement, but it is not obligatory to do so. - -Wedding announcements are sent to friends at home as well as to -those abroad, because the cards are supposed, not only to suggest -remembrance, but to express a desire that the acquaintance should be -continued after the name is changed. - -The birth of a baby is announced in various ways, there being no -especial rules of etiquette for making the announcement. Sometimes -engraved cards bearing the baby’s name and date of birth are sent by -themselves in small envelopes, into which they fit exactly; sometimes -they go in an envelope with the mother’s visiting-card, and are written -instead of engraved. These cards should be attached to the mother’s -visiting cards by a piece of white baby ribbon, which is passed -through a hole made in the top of both cards and tied in a tiny bow. -They should be sent out when the mother is ready to receive calls. - - -WEDDING INVITATIONS. - -Wedding invitations should be issued at least two weeks before the day -of the affair. - -It is customary for the bridegroom to give to the bride’s mother a list -of his relatives and friends to whom he would like cards sent, and some -member of the bride’s family attends to it. - -When the guests at a wedding are limited to the immediate family, the -invitations may be personal notes sent by the bride’s mother. The notes -may read like the following: - - _My Dear Mary,—It will give us all much pleasure if - you will come to the very quiet wedding of my daughter - Catherine to Mr. John Martin, on Saturday, February the - fourth, at twelve o’clock, and remain to the little - breakfast that will follow the ceremony. Only the - members of the family will be present. Hoping that you - may be with us the fourth, I am,_ - - _Affectionately yours, - Anna Brown._ - -A formal invitation may read as follows: - - MR. AND MRS. JAMES M. MOORE - REQUEST THE PLEASURE OF YOUR PRESENCE AT - THE MARRIAGE OF THEIR DAUGHTER - ALICE - TO - CHARLES ALBERT SMITH, - THURSDAY EVENING, AUGUST TWENTY-FOURTH, - AT EIGHT O’CLOCK, - 121 SEVENTH STREET EAST, - DAVENPORT, IOWA, - 1899. - -Another form is as follows: - - MR. AND MRS. JOHN BROWN - REQUEST THE PLEASURE OF YOUR PRESENCE - AT THE - MARRIAGE BREAKFAST OF THEIR DAUGHTER - MARY LOUISE - AND - MR. CHARLES ALBERT SMITH, - ON THURSDAY, OCTOBER THE SIXTH, - FROM ONE UNTIL THREE O’CLOCK. - 15 PROSPECT STREET. - -If the bride is an orphan, or if there is any very good reason why her -parents’ names should not appear on the invitation, the latter may be -sent in the name of the married brother and his wife, or in the name of -whoever gives the bride the wedding reception. It may read as follows: - - MR. AND MRS. CHARLES SMITH - REQUEST THE HONOR OF YOUR PRESENCE - AT THE MARRIAGE OF THEIR SISTER - BERTHA WILD - TO - MR. JAMES MONTGOMERY BROWN, - ON WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER THE TWELFTH, - AT EIGHT O’CLOCK. - 2400 FIFTH STREET SOUTH. - -The following is a suitable form for an invitation for a silver wedding: - - TWENTY-FIFTH ANNIVERSARY. - MR. AND MRS. JOHN H. SMITH - AT HOME - SATURDAY EV’G, DECEMBER TWENTY-SEVENTH, - EIGHTEEN HUNDRED NINETY NINE, - FROM EIGHT TO ELEVEN O’CLOCK. - - -ACCEPTANCES AND REGRETS. - -It is considered very rude not to reply to an invitation immediately, -either by note of acceptance or regret. - -In writing acceptances one should never use “will accept” for -“accepts,” or “to dinner” instead of “for dinner” or “to dine.” - -In accepting a dinner invitation one should repeat the hour named in -order that, if any mistake has been made, it may be corrected. - -An acceptance may be written as follows: - -_Mr. and Mrs. Frank Warren accept with pleasure Mrs. John Somers’ kind -invitation for Monday evening, October seventh._ - -The following is a good form for a note of regret: - -_Mr. and Mrs. James Swift regret that, owing to sickness, they are -unable to accept Mrs. Frank Hall’s kind invitation for Monday evening, -March 16th._ - -In writing regrets, when it is possible to do so, one should give the -reason for not accepting an invitation. - -The best bred people agree that an invitation to a wedding reception -or a wedding breakfast demands a response, whether or not a response -is requested. But it is another question when one receives only an -invitation to a church ceremony, or merely an announcement card with -no “at home” card enclosed, and does not know the bride and groom well -enough to call. If the cards are sent merely as a matter of courtesy -because of business relations or on account of a former intimacy in the -families, a call does not seem necessary. In such cases one must judge -more or less for herself, and do what seems natural. If one lives in a -small place and the bride comes there as a stranger, it is generally -the best way to call, whatever be the form of the cards received. - -Formal invitations to a church wedding do not demand an answer, unless -one is requested, until the day of the ceremony, when those unable to -attend acknowledge the invitation with visiting cards addressed to the -father and mother of the bride, or to whoever sends out the invitations -for the wedding. Invitations to a wedding reception and a bride’s “At -Home” demand no other acknowledgment than visiting cards sent on the -day of the function by those unable to attend. A formal invitation to -a house wedding demands the same acknowledgment as an invitation to a -church wedding. - -In acknowledging an invitation to a wedding, a single woman sends -one of her visiting cards in an envelope addressed to the mother and -father of the bride on the day of the wedding. A single man sends two -of his cards, and a married couple send one of the wife’s and two of -the husband’s cards. To the bride on her “At Home” day, cards should be -sent in exactly the same way. A wedding reception, if it takes place in -the evening, demands full dress. - -It is very courteous to acknowledge the reception of a “commencement” -invitation. - -It is very bad form to write “Congratulations” on one’s visiting card -and send it in answer to a wedding invitation. If one desires to send -her good wishes to the bride, then a personal note would be proper. - -It is also bad form to send a visiting card with “Regrets” written in -one corner instead of writing the proper note. - -If, having accepted an invitation, one changes her mind, she certainly -ought to give some reason when writing a note of apology. - - -LETTERS. - -In writing letters and notes of invitation, acceptance, regrets, or -introduction, certain and specific rules of etiquette, ordained by -custom, hold despotic sway; and unless one is acquainted with these, he -must be considered by those who are, as more or less uncultivated. - -In addressing an envelope one surely ought to know that the first line -of the address should be at or below the middle of the envelope, and -the address should be written in a plain hand devoid of flourishes. The -place for the stamp is always the upper right-hand corner. - -In no way is one’s culture sooner made known than by his manner of -writing a note or letter. - -In a formal business letter or in one commencing “Dear Sir” or “Dear -Madam,” the name of the person addressed is put at the end of the -letter in the left-hand corner, but it should not be repeated, if it is -used at the head of the letter. - -The writing of notes in the third person is now confined to notes of -invitations, acceptance, and regret. - -Nothing would show greater ignorance than signing one’s name to a note -written in the third person. - -In addressing a clergyman it is customary to commence with “Reverend -Sir.” Doctors of Divinity and of Medicine are thus distinguished: “The -Rev. James Swift, D. D.,” or “Rev. Dr. Swift;” “I. G. Latham, M. D.,” -or “Dr. Latham.” - -In writing to servants, it is customary to begin thus: “To Mary -Bates,—Mrs. White wishes, etc.” - -When a woman is writing to strangers who will not know whether to -address her in reply as “Mrs.” or “Miss,” the address of the writer -should be given in full, after signing her letter, as, “Mrs. Jane -Smith,” followed by the direction; or, if unmarried, the “Miss” should -be placed in marks of parenthesis preceding the signature. One should -never sign her name as “Mrs.” or “Miss.” - -The formal manner of address in a note or letter written in the -first person, is, “My Dear Mrs. Brown;” the less formal is “Dear -Mrs. Brown.” To an intimate friend one may use either. “Dear Mary” -is less formal than “My Dear Mary,” and yet to one who is near, -the real significance of the latter form is very sweet and full of -tender meaning. However, there are no rigid laws to regulate the -correspondence of friends. - -When a woman writes a personal note to a man, no matter how slight her -acquaintance may be with him, it should begin “My Dear Mr. Brown.” - -Ordinary social correspondence, when forwarded by the hand of an adult -socially equal with the sender, should not be sealed. If, for some -reason, a letter must be sealed, then the post or some other method of -letter conveyance should be used. - -The form “Addressed” on an envelope is merely the relic of an old legal -form that has no especial significance nowadays, but is put on the -envelope as a matter of courtesy. It means that the contents of the -envelope are for the person whose name is written on the outside. It is -very seldom used, and is quite superfluous. - -Only letters of unmarried women and widows are addressed with their -baptismal names. All letters of married women should bear their -husband’s names; as, “Mrs. John Howe.” - -Writing on the first, then on the third, then crosswise on the second -and fourth pages of a letter, facilitates the reading and is in -perfectly good form. - -It is very bad taste for a doctor’s wife to assume his title. An -invitation addressed to them should read “Dr. and Mrs. Jones.” - -One should not write “Mrs. John Brown, _née_ Lottie Smith,” because one -is not born with a Christian name; instead, one would write “Mrs. John -Brown, _née_ Smith.” - -The use of perfumed stationery is not general, nor is it in good taste. - -Any letter of congratulation received, even though it be from a person -with whom one has only a slight acquaintance, requires an answer. - -No matter how fond a young girl may feel of a man whom she has known -for years, any letters, when trouble comes to his family, should be -addressed to his wife and not to him. - -The fashion that obtains with reference to placing the date on a letter -is to place it in the upper right-hand corner; on a note it is usually -placed in the lower left-hand corner. - -A young girl who receives letters from a man at the post-office without -the knowledge of her mother is doing something wrong, which in time -she will certainly regret, and which, it is equally certain, will -result in trouble. - -It is not in the best taste to write letters of friendship on the -typewriter, but it will always be excused in the busy woman. - - -LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION. - -Letters of introduction are to be regarded as certificates of -respectability and esteem, and should only be given by friends of the -person introduced and to friends. They should be brief and carefully -worded, intimating the mutual pleasure that one feels the acquaintance -will confer, but not complimenting the bearer so openly that he will -feel embarrassed in delivering the letter. Such letters are left -unsealed. - -There is no greater insult than to treat a letter of introduction with -indifference. A person thus introduced ought to be called upon at once, -and shown any other little attention within one’s power. In England -letters of introduction are called “tickets to soup.” - -In England the party holding a letter of introduction never takes it -himself, but sends it with his card. On the Continent the reverse is -the fashion. In America the English custom prevails, though where a -young man has a letter to one many years his senior or to one who is -to aid him in some enterprise, he takes it himself at once. - -A letter of introduction should be somewhat like the following: - - _My Dear Mr. Barnes:_ - - _This note will introduce to you my friend, Mr. Charles - Smith, whom I know you will be as glad to meet as he - will be glad to meet you._ - - _Mr. Smith is an old friend of mine, and any kindness - you may be able to show him will be very much - appreciated by me._ - - _Faithfully yours,_ - _Anna Martin White._ - -Before giving a letter of introduction one should be certain that the -persons introduced will be congenial to each other. Such a letter -puts a certain obligation on the person to whom it is addressed: he -will be obliged to show the bearer some attention and hospitality. It -is, therefore, not right to make the demand of a friend unless one is -certain that the acquaintanceship will compensate him for the trouble -he may take. - -FOOTNOTES: - -[Footnote A: It is now quite common to omit marks of punctuation at the -end of lines in an invitation.] - - - - -CHAPTER III. - -DINNERS, LUNCHEONS, BREAKFASTS, TEAS, RECEPTIONS, DANCING PARTIES, -CARDS, PARTIES, WEDDINGS, WEDDING GIFTS, WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. - - “Manners aim to facilitate life, to get rid of - impediments.” - - -DINNERS.[B] - -A “dinner” is supposed to be an elaborate affair, with numerous courses -and ample service, and is usually given at seven or eight o’clock -in the evening. At a dinner the number of courses naturally varies -according to the taste and financial condition of the hostess. (For -arrangement of the table, see Chapter VI.) - -For a formal dinner the courses usually consist of soup, fish, a roast -with one or more vegetables, a salad, an ice or ice cream, cakes, -bonbons, and black coffee. Olives and salted almonds, jellies, etc., -generally appear in some of the courses. - -Although the following really belongs under the head of “The Table” and -“Service at Table,” a repetition here may not come amiss. - -The attendant places each dish, in succession, before the host or -hostess with the pile of plates. Each plate is supplied, taken by the -attendant on a small salver, and set, from the left, before the guest. -A second dish which belongs to the course is presented at the left of -the guest, who helps himself. As a rule the woman at the right of the -host, or the eldest woman, should be served first. As soon as a course -is finished, the plates are promptly removed, and the next course is -served in the same way. Before the dessert is brought on, all crumbs -should be brushed from the cloth. The finger bowls, which are brought -in on a napkin on a dessert-plate and set at the left of the plate, are -used by dipping the fingers in lightly and drying them on the napkin. -They should be half full of warm water with a bit of lemon floating in -it. When all have finished dessert, the hostess gives the signal, by -pushing back her chair, that dinner is ended, and the guests repair to -the drawing-room, the oldest leading and the youngest following last, -the men passing into the library or smoking-room. - -Seemingly, one should arrive at the house where one is invited to a -dinner or a luncheon at exactly the hour mentioned in the invitation; -but the proper thing at a formal function is to get to the house -ten minutes after the hour of the meal, and to be announced in the -drawing-room five minutes later. - -The host, with the guest of honor, leads the way into the dining-room -at a dinner; at a luncheon the hostess leads the way alone or with one -of the guests. - -Fifteen minutes is the longest time required to wait for a tardy guest -when the dinner hour was understood, as it always should be. - -If the hostess thinks the visitor has no acquaintances in the room, -she introduces her to two or three persons who are near her, and then, -counting on her knowledge of the customs of society, she will feel -quite sure that her guest will enjoy herself. - -A hostess should never reprove a servant before a guest, as it is -unpleasant for all concerned, and by passing over the annoyance -herself, it may escape the attention of others. - -No accident must seem to disturb a hostess, no disappointment embarrass -her. - -At formal dinner parties the servant who is detailed to attend -to the wants of the men guests hands each one, as he leaves the -dressing-room, an envelope containing a card bearing the name of the -woman whom he is to take to dinner. - - -LUNCHEONS. - -Luncheons are usually given between the hours of one and two o’clock in -the afternoon, and to them women only are invited. The menu is lighter -than for a dinner, and generally consists of sherbets, oyster patties, -scalloped oysters, sweet-breads, sandwiches, salads, ices, cheese -sticks, fruit, ice cream, cakes, bonbons, salted almonds, olives, and -black coffee, served in such number and order of courses as best suits -the hostess. - - -BREAKFASTS. - -The difference between a breakfast and a luncheon is very slight. On -the invitation the word breakfast is used instead of luncheon, and -the hour is earlier than for a luncheon. Also men and woman may meet -together for a breakfast, and therefore a few more solid courses -are advisable. Otherwise one may be guided entirely in giving the -entertainment by the rules which apply to a luncheon. - - -TEAS. - -A tea is the simplest and easiest kind of an entertainment to give, for -the only essential requisites for its success are prettily arranged -receiving-rooms, with as many flowers as one can afford; a gracious -hostess, who stands during the hours of the function to receive her -guests and is properly dressed in a becoming high-necked house dress; -a few other women, who also receive in pretty dresses; and a dainty -tea table, which may be presided over by a woman friend or two of the -hostess. It is only necessary to serve a modest menu of tea, chocolate -or bouillon, assorted sandwiches, fancy cakes, and bonbons. The other -factors to the tea’s success are pleasant weather and well trained -servants, who may assist in serving the tea and are alert to open and -close the door for the guests. - -At a formal function of any kind the guests leave their wraps in -dressing-rooms, where one or more maids should be on hand to assist -women in their dressing-room, and a man to perform the same services -in the men’s dressing-room; but at a small tea, where, as a rule, the -guests do not remove their street wraps, it is only necessary to have a -maid in the entrance hall to be ready, if called on, to do any service. - -It is not customary to offer refreshments to casual evening callers; -but if one has a regular evening for receiving, she may have a tea -table in the drawing-room, and serve tea, chocolate, sandwiches, cake, -etc., as in entertaining on the afternoon of a “day.” - - -RECEPTIONS. - -On the day of the reception, the hostess, with her assistants, should -receive the guests, standing at the door of the drawing-room. The -refreshment tables should be spread in the dining-room, and prettily -decorated with flowers, candles in candelabra or candlesticks, dishes -of bonbons and cakes, plates of sandwiches, and platters of salad. A -bouillon urn may stand at one end of the table with cups, and coffee -may be served from the other end. All that is necessary for the menu -is bouillon, easily prepared in the house from canned bouillon, -jellied tongue, chicken salad, and sandwiches, ices and cake, fruit, -and candies. Coffee and lemonade will suffice for beverages. If one -can afford to have a few pieces of music, so much the better. The -musicians should play from some hidden nook. One or two servants in the -dining-room, and one to open and shut the front door, will be all that -is necessary. - - -DANCING PARTIES. - -For the form of invitation refer to Chapter II. - -In selecting a company for a dancing party the hostess will naturally -choose only those who dance, and she should see, as far as possible, -that all the women are provided with partners. - -It is better to dance first with one acquaintance and then with -another, rather than to make one’s self conspicuous by giving a great -number of dances to one man. - -A man gives the first and last dances to his partner of the evening. - -No man should invite a young woman to attend a dress affair without -providing a carriage for her. When the party is small and informal, it -is allowable to go on the street-cars. - -At the end of the dance, the man should offer his arm to his partner, -and take at least one turn around the room before consigning her to her -seat. - -A man who can dance, and will not, ought to remain away from a ball. - -If for any reason a girl should refuse to dance with one man, she -should not accept another invitation for the same dance. - -An invitation to a ball may be asked for a friend who is a stranger in -town, and has had no opportunity of making the acquaintance of the one -who gives the ball. - -A man should not ask a girl, to whom he has been introduced for the -purpose of dancing with her, for more than two dances the same evening. - - -CARD PARTIES. - -If given, prizes should be carefully chosen, so that they may be in -good taste and desirable. The supper should be served at the card -tables after the playing is over. A large napkin should be spread on -the top of each table, and the refreshments served in courses. - - -WEDDINGS. - -For invitation forms see Chapter II. - -When a wedding takes place in a church that has but one entrance, the -customary way for the bridal procession to enter is for the groom and -best man to walk in just behind the minister, a little before the -others, and to take their places at the altar; then the ushers enter, -walking two by two; then the bridesmaids in the same order; then the -maid of honor alone; and last the bride on her father’s arm. The -bride’s family enter the church a few minutes before the minister and -the groom and bridal party. - -A bride goes up to the altar with her veil over her face, but comes -down with it thrown back. It is the duty of the maid of honor to throw -it back immediately after the ceremony is ended. - -When the bride’s mother gives her away at a church ceremony, she -usually walks up the aisle with the bride. After she has given her to -the groom, she steps quietly and unescorted to the front pew, where she -stays during the remainder of the service. The bride may walk up the -aisle with an attendant instead of with her mother, who in this case -steps from her seat in the front pew to the chancel when the time comes -for her to officiate, and steps back to her seat afterwards. - -The bride and the groom should stand at the wedding reception until -they have received the congratulations of all present, then, together, -they should walk into the room where the breakfast is to be served. The -others follow as they please, with the exception of the parents on both -sides. The groom’s father usually escorts the bride’s mother, and _vice -versa_. - -It is not the custom for a bride to remove her gloves at the wedding. -The inside seam of the ring finger of the glove should be ripped -beforehand; and when the time comes for the ring to be put on, the -bride merely slips off this glove finger, and puts it back again after -the ring is on her finger. - -At no wedding service is it proper for the bride to enter the church -alone. - -At a church or house wedding where the bride walks up the aisle with -her sister acting as the maid of honor, instead of with a gentleman -escort, she need not take the arm of her attendant, as both the ladies -will look more graceful if walking separately. The maid of honor should -carry a bouquet, and the bride a bouquet, prayer-book, or bible. - -At a home wedding the bride enters the room on the arm of her father. -With a short dress she would not wear a veil. - -The wearing of gloves at an informal wedding is entirely a matter of -taste. Recently at several large weddings they were omitted by the -entire bridal party. - -The prettiest way to make an aisle for the bridal party at a house -wedding is for four children to enter the room where the ceremony will -be, just before the bridal party comes in, and separate the guests -into two groups by stretching two pieces of white ribbon the length -of the room. A child stands at each end of the two pieces of ribbon, -holding it while the bridal party walks up between them, and during the -service. Ushers may hold the ribbons instead of the children, or the -ends may be fastened around plants which are placed at the requisite -points. - -Where there is no side door through which the groom and best man may -enter the room at a house wedding, they come in by the principal door -just before the bridal party and just after the minister. - -It is not customary for the men at a wedding party to kiss the bride; -that is a liberty taken only by the immediate members of the family. - -A bride, if she wishes, may omit the bridal veil, but she should then -wear a dainty bonnet or picture hat. The ushers and best men are -invited by the bridegroom. - -If the church wedding is a full dress one, followed by an evening -reception, it is proper to wear an evening gown. If it is in the -daytime, a handsome visiting dress and pretty bonnet are proper. - -At a daytime wedding the guests seldom remove their bonnets, although, -of course, heavy wraps are frequently laid aside. At an evening affair -one goes in full dress without anything on one’s head. The ushers -present the guests to the bridal party. The bridesmaids are spoken to -by the people they know, but it is not necessary that they should be -addressed by everybody. - -A bride may wear her wedding dress after her wedding day as much -or as little as she chooses. For the sake of sentiment many brides -like to preserve their wedding dresses intact to hand down to future -generations; but a girl who has to consider economy cannot afford to -consider sentiment, and often the wedding dress is converted into a -low dinner and evening gown soon after the wedding day. A bride may, -with perfect propriety, wear her wedding dress to the reception given -her after her wedding by the groom’s mother. Of course, she will wear -it just as it was when she was married, high in the neck, unless the -reception takes place in the evening and demands evening dress, when, -according to the conventions, it must be cut low. - -A bridegroom is always expected to furnish the bouquets that the bride, -bridesmaids, and all the bride’s attendants carry at the wedding. He -should learn from the bride the flowers she wishes, and should order -them several days before the wedding, so that they may be ready at the -bride’s house when the bridesmaids meet there to go together to the -church or to the place where the ceremony is held. - -Besides furnishing these bouquets, the groom provides the ushers and -best men with their _boutonnières_, and gives them also some small -souvenir, and, if he wishes, a bachelor dinner or supper a day or two -before the wedding. - -There are no wedding luncheons nowadays. Every entertainment of the -kind up to two o’clock is called a breakfast, and when it takes place -in the afternoon or evening it is called a reception. - - -WEDDING GIFTS. - -The idea that a wedding invitation necessitates a present has, -sensibly enough, gone out of fashion, and only those who are bound by -ties of blood or close friendship have the privilege of sending a gift -to the bride. - -Presents should be sent as soon after receiving the invitations as -possible. All wedding gifts, even from friends of the groom who may -never have met the bride, are sent to the bride; and, if marked, they -should be engraved with the initials or monogram of the bride’s maiden -name, or they may have her name in full. - -Wedding presents should be acknowledged by the bride-elect in a short -personal note, which should be written and sent immediately on receipt -of the present. - -When several friends combine in giving a present to the bride, she -should write a letter of thanks to each one separately, sending the -letters by post. - -It is perfectly proper to open a gift in the presence of the giver, and -express one’s pleasure and gratitude on the spot. Indeed, it is much -better form to do so than to wait until the giver has gone. - - -WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. - -The paper wedding, so termed, is celebrated one year after marriage. -Invitations should be issued on heavy gray paper or thin card-board. -Presents may consist of any article made of paper or _papier mâché_; -such, for instance, as books, engravings, etc. - -The wooden wedding is celebrated five years after marriage. Invitations -may be issued upon wooden cards, or wooden cards may be inclosed with -an invitation written or engraved upon a sheet of wedding note paper. -The presents may be anything made of wood, from a mustard spoon to a -house or set of furniture. - -The tin wedding comes ten years after marriage. Invitation cards are -sometimes covered with tin foil, or tin cards are inclosed, or, if -preferred, the invitation is printed on tin bronze paper. Presents -should consist of articles made of tin. - -The crystal wedding, fifteen years after marriage, is next in order. -Cards may be issued upon transparent paper, or upon note paper with a -card of isinglass inclosed. - -The china wedding takes place twenty years after marriage. -Semi-transparent cardboard will answer for the invitations. - -The silver wedding is celebrated on the twenty-fifth anniversary, -and is generally an occasion of much more importance than any of the -foregoing anniversaries. The invitations may be printed on silver -paper, and the presents are, of course, articles of silver. - -The golden wedding, celebrated on the fiftieth anniversary of the -marriage, may be said to be the one in which the young do homage to -the old. It should be conducted by the near relatives or friends of -the couple, and the occasion should be made one of retrospect, of -encouragement, and of congratulation. The invitations should be on -white paper in gold letters, and the presents should be of gold. - -At each of these anniversaries it is customary to have the marriage -ceremony re-performed, and all arrangements for the celebration are -made in about the same manner as for the first marriage. - -[Illustration] - -FOOTNOTES: - -[Footnote B: In looking up any one point in this book,—as “dinners,” -for instance,—one will be obliged sometimes to refer to more than one -place. Chapter II., under “Notes of Invitation,” and Chapter I., under -its three different heads, contain more or less information concerning -“dinners,” which it seems difficult to classify anymore closely than -has been done.] - - - - -CHAPTER IV. - -CONVERSATION, CHAPERONAGE, MARRIAGE, DOMESTIC ETIQUETTE AND DUTIES. - - “Manners are not idle, but are the fruit of noble - natures and of loyal minds.” - - -CONVERSATION. - -The late Dr. George Ripley was wont to say that the secret of being -agreeable in conversation was to be honorable to the ideas of others. -He affirmed that some people only half listened to you, because they -were considering, even while you spoke, with what fine words, what -wealth of wit, they should reply, and they began to speak almost before -your sentence had died upon your lips. These people, he said, might -be brilliant, witty, dazzling, but never could they be agreeable. You -do not love to talk to them. You feel that they are impatient for -their turn to come, and that they have no hospitality towards your -thoughts—none of that gentle friendliness which asks your idea and -makes much of it. This want of hospitality to other people’s ideas -often has its root in egotism, but it is equally apt to be the growth -of a secret want of self-confidence, a fear that one will not be ready -to take one’s own part well,—an uneasy self-consciousness which makes -real sympathetic attention to the ideas of others impossible. - -Agreeability, readiness in conversation, tact and graciousness of -manner are great aids to popularity. To possess these qualities one -must have marked consideration for others, and be ever ready to -manifest it. One should also be ready to recall faces and names. - -Though one has but few facts and ideas to draw upon, she may still, -by making sufficient effort, become a fair conversationalist. If one -despair in this direction, she may at least train herself to become an -interesting listener, and she will be surprised to find how popular she -will be; for three-quarters of the world like to talk, while to listen -intelligently is a great talent. The good listener, by her evident -interest in, and sympathetic attention to, the matter of conversation, -brings out all that is best in the one with whom she talks. Diffident -people forget their shyness in her presence, and leave her with the -comfortable and novel conviction that they have, after all, acquitted -themselves rather well. - -No well-bred person would be guilty of the gross rudeness of picking -up a book or magazine and “looking through” it while pretending to -pay heed to the talk of a friend. The assurance, “I am only looking at -the pictures of this magazine, not reading, and I hear every word you -say,” is no palliation of the offence. The speaker would be justified -in refusing to continue the conversation until the pictures had been -properly studied. If a speech is worth hearing, it is worthy of -respectful and earnest attention. - -No one should ever monopolize the conversation, unless he wishes to win -for himself the name of a bore. - -A well-educated and finely cultured person proclaims himself by the -simplicity and terseness of his language. - -In conversation all provincialisms, affectations of foreign accents, -mannerisms, exaggerations, and slang are detestable. - -Flippancy is as much an evidence of ill-breeding as is the perpetual -smile, the wandering eye, the vacant stare, or the half-open mouth of -the man who is preparing to break in upon the conversation. - -Interruption of the speech of others is a great sin against good -breeding. - -Anecdotes should be sparsely introduced into a conversation, lest they -become stale. Repartee must be indulged in with moderation. Puns are -considered vulgar by many. - -In addressing persons with titles, one ought always to add the name; -as, “What do you think, Doctor Graves?” not, “What do you think, -Doctor?” - -The great secret of talking well is to adapt one’s conversation -skillfully to the hearers. - -In a _tête-à-tête_ conversation, it is extremely ill-bred to drop the -voice to a whisper, or to converse on private matters. - -One should never try to hide the lips in talking by putting up the hand -or a fan. - -One should avoid long conversations in society with members of his own -family. - -If an unfinished conversation is continued after the entrance of a -visitor, its import should be explained to him. - -Though bores find their account in speaking ill or well of themselves, -it is the characteristic of a gentleman that he never speaks of himself -at all. La Buryere says: “The great charm of conversation consists less -in the display of one’s own wit and intelligence than in the power to -draw forth the resources of others; he who leaves one after a long -conversation, pleased with himself and the part _he_ has taken in the -discourse, will be the other’s warmest admirer.” - -In society the absent-minded man is uncivil. - -There are many persons who commence speaking before they know what -they are going to say. The ill-natured world, which never misses an -opportunity of being severe, declares them to be foolish and destitute -of brains. - -He who knows the world, will not be too bashful; he who knows himself, -will not be imprudent. - -There is no surer sign of vulgarity than the perpetual boasting of fine -things at home. - -One should be careful how freely he offers advice. - -If one keeps silent sometimes upon subjects of which he is known to be -a judge, his silence, when from ignorance, will not discover him. - -One should not argue a point when it is possible to avoid it, but when -he does argue, he should do so in a gentlemanly and dispassionate -manner. - -One should never notice any mistakes in the language of others. - - -CHAPERONAGE. - -The foreign custom that makes a chaperone indispensable where young -people are gathered together at places of public entertainment, has -long obtained in the cities of the East, and in all conventional -communities everywhere. No really fashionable party is made up without -a chaperone. - -A young woman condemns herself in the eyes of good society who is -observed to enter alone with a young man a place of public refreshment, -be the restaurant or tea room ever so select. Bred under other -conditions of a society so necessarily varying as that in our broad -America, a stranger visiting New York, for instance, might readily and -innocently make a mistake of this nature, and blush at finding herself -condemned for it. In the same category of offenses is ranked that of -maidens visiting places of public amusement under the escort of young -men alone. Many parts of the South and West allow this to be done -with the smiling consent of good society; but in Eastern cities it is -considered a violation of good form, and for the comfort, if not the -convenience, of the girl considering it, had better be ranked among the -lost privileges upon which social evolution may look back with fond -regret. - -It is always wisest, when a number of young people are to have a -party, to ask two or three married women to be present, not only for -propriety’s sake, but because there will then be no danger of anything -unwished for happening, inasmuch as it is the duty of the chaperones to -make all social entertainments smooth and pleasant. - -When it is necessary for a girl to pay long visits to a dentist’s -office, she should be accompanied either by her mother, or some woman -relative, or maid. - -The etiquette of chaperonage is much less strict for a young widow than -for an unmarried girl of the same age; but it is important and in good -taste for a woman who is a widow to be very quiet and inconspicuous in -all she does, giving by her behavior no opportunity for criticism. - - -MARRIAGE. - -A young girl’s own safety, as regards her present and future happiness, -demands that she receive attentions from only the best of young -men,—those of whom her reason would approve, if the acquaintance should -lead to more than acquaintance. - -Parents should carefully watch the young men who frequent their houses, -in order to see that undesirable intimacies are not formed with their -daughters, for friendships and intimacies soon lead to love. - -Many a girl, feeling convinced that she had loved unwisely, has entered -upon the married state with heart and reason at variance, when she -might have given up the acquaintance, in the beginning of it, very -easily. - -The most perfect reserve in courtship, even in cases of the most ardent -attachment, is indispensable to the confidence and trust of married -life to come. - -All public display of devotion should be avoided, for it tends to -lessen mutual respect, and it makes the actors ridiculous in the eyes -or others. It is quite possible for a man to show every conceivable -attention to the one to whom he is engaged, and yet to avoid committing -the slightest offence against delicacy or good taste. - -It is quite possible for a man to show attention, and even assiduity -up to a certain point, without becoming a lover; and it is equally -possible for the girl to let it be seen that he is not disagreeable to -her, without actually encouraging him. No man likes to be refused, and -no man of tact will risk a refusal. - -Long engagements are usually entered into by people who are quite -young, but who, for some reason, cannot marry. As the years go on their -tastes may change, and yet each may feel that honor binds the one to -the other. The woman chosen by a man when he is twenty-one is seldom -the woman he would chose when he is forty. When people marry young -they grow accustomed to each other, and, oddly enough, they grow to be -alike; but during a long engagement their tastes are apt to change, and -the result is apt to be anything but a happy one. Of course, there are -exceptions, but, generalizing, the long engagement is to be feared. - - -DOMESTIC ETIQUETTE AND DUTIES. - -Etiquette is a comprehensive term, and its observances are nowhere more -to be desired than in the domestic circle. - -If husbands and wives, generally, would render each other half of the -little attentions they lavished upon each other before marriage, their -mutual happiness would be more than doubled. - -A wife should never let her husband have cause to complain that she is -more agreeable abroad than at home, nor see her negligent of dress and -manners at home when it is the reverse in company. - -If, unhappily, any misunderstandings or annoyances occur between -husband and wife, it is ill-bred and unjust for either to repeat them -to a third person. - -Faithful unto death in all things should be the motto of both husband -and wife; and forbearance with each other’s peculiarities, their -never-ending effort to attain. - -If a girl discovers very soon after her marriage that she has made -a mistake, it is wisest for her to make the best of it; she should -look for all that is good in her husband and try to forget that which -she dislikes. There are times when a legal separation is necessary, -but when people marry they marry for better or for worse, and if, -unfortunately, it should be for worse, even that does not release them -from the solemn vows which they have taken. - -It is not in good taste for a husband and wife to call each other by -endearing names in the presence of others. - -A man has no right whatever to open his wife’s mail, but a woman should -not receive any letters that she would not be willing that her husband -should see. - -[Illustration] - - - - -CHAPTER V. - -DRESS, GLOVES, STREET ETIQUETTE, TRAVELING, BICYCLING, TELEPHONING. - - “Refinement of character is said never to be found with - vulgarity of dress.” - - -DRESS. - -In appropriateness our people have something to learn, as has the -whole world, for that matter. Necklaces and jewels in the morning are -monstrous, no matter what the fashion of the moment may be, and there -will come a time when every one will look upon them with horror, as -every one, indeed, used to do. - -The day is past when latitude or great variety in dress is considered -original. Clothes, if they are startling at all, must be startling in -a degree to be borne. A train cannot be worn where only a short skirt -is in order, nor can an abbreviated drapery go where full dress is -required. A garden party, for instance, or an out-of-door tea at a -private house demands a muslin, a silk, or, at any rate, an elaborate -toilet, while at a golf club, such dress is absurd, except for the -elderly or non-players. In winter, frills and furbelows, if they are -worn at all, are worn at large teas, the plain tailor-made suit having -gone out for such purposes. However, it is difficult to follow the -vagaries of fashion in these regards. - -For morning wear, no dress can be too simple. Luncheons are growing -more and more informal. When distances are great, however, and one -dresses for calls in the part of town where the luncheon is, afterward, -more elaborateness of dress is allowed. - -The best advice to all girls upon the subject must be, not to be -overdressed, nor yet to be careless in the matter. They should attire -themselves according to their circumstances, and should, above all -things, avoid all extremes of fashion, as well as all eccentricities of -style. - -Only quiet colors should be worn either to church or on the street, -and wherever girls go they should endeavor to be unconscious of their -personal appearance. - -The woman who is overdressed at an afternoon reception is much more -uncomfortable than she who is gowned with the simplicity of a Quaker. A -well fitting wool gown, a becoming bonnet, a fresh pair of gloves, and -one is suitably dressed as a caller. - -A girl of fourteen should not wear her hair done up, and her gown -should come just below her ankles. - -It is not in good taste for a young girl to wear diamond rings; if she -is fortunate enough to possess them, let her keep them carefully until -she is older, and then she may wear them with perfect propriety. - -It is in very bad taste to wear a dressing-sacque when breakfasting -in a public dining-room of a hotel. Such an undress costume is only -permissible in one’s own room. - -A frock coat is, under no circumstances, a correct garment for a man -to wear at an evening dance, neither is a Tuxedo or dinner coat. The -proper dress is a full dress suit, with white vest and white string -tie. Possibly a dinner coat might be allowable at a very small and very -informal dance, but a frock coat never. - -A man should wear a white tie with a dress suit at any large formal -entertainment, such as a ball, the opera, a wedding reception, a -large dinner party, etc., and on all occasions where he wears a white -waistcoat. He should wear a black tie at the theater, at a small -dinner, in calling, and at home with his dinner coat. - -Evening dress may be as gay as one chooses to make it, though extremes -are not desirable. - -Dresses made a suitable length for walking are much more appropriate -for the street than those that are so long that their wearers become -street cleaners. - -Neatness in a lady’s dress is one of the first requisites. - -To dress well requires good taste, good sense, and refinement. - -The most appropriate and becoming dress is that which so harmonizes -with the figure that the apparel is unobserved. - -A hostess should be careful not to out-dress her guests. - -When going out one should consider the sort of company she is likely to -meet, and should dress accordingly. - -The idea that “dress makes the man” is a very false one, but a man -_does_ make, or select, rather, his dress, and is judged somewhat in -accordance with that selection. - -At a five o’clock church wedding the groom, best man, and ushers all -dress as nearly as possible alike. The proper costume or suit is a -black frock coat, gray trousers, black or fancy vesting waist coat, -white tie, _glacé_ gloves, patent leather boots, and a tall hat. - - -GLOVES. - -A young woman should of course wear gloves with a full evening dress to -any kind of an evening entertainment. - -On taking one’s seat at a dinner table or a card table one may remove -one’s gloves, but not until then; and at the theater or opera, gloves -should be worn throughout the performance and during the evening. - -A man wears light or white kid gloves to the opera, dances, a -reception, or any other formal evening entertainment, except a dinner. - -It is usual to remove one’s gloves when eating supper at an evening -affair, unless merely a cup of bouillon or an ice may be chosen, and -then there would be no impropriety in keeping on one’s gloves. - -A man wears gloves when calling, and removes them just before or just -after entering the parlor. Tan gloves may be worn at all hours of the -day; white or pearl ones are proper in the evening, when calling, or at -any place of amusement. - -No matter how long one’s gloves are, they should be entirely taken off -at supper, and be resumed again upon returning to the drawing-room or -after using the finger bowls, and before arising from the feast. - -To wear gloves while playing cards is an affectation of elegance. - - -STREET ETIQUETTE. - -A man offers his right arm, if either, to a woman on the street (also -in the house), that she may have her right hand free for holding her -parasol or guiding her train. Both common sense and gallantry assign -the woman’s place where it is for her greatest convenience, and that -is, undeniably, on the right of the man. - -The rule for giving the left arm was held good in those days when it -was necessary for men to pass to the left, thus keeping the sword-arm -free for self-protection or for the protection of the women, but now -the passing is all to the right. - -In walking with a woman a man chooses the outer side without any regard -as to its being either the right or the left. In walking with two women -he chooses the outer side also, and never walks between them. - -A man walking with a woman returns a bow made to her, lifting his hat, -although the one bowing is a stranger to him. - -Ladies do not talk or call across the street. - -Men should not smoke when driving or walking with women, nor on -promenades much frequented, where they cannot remove the cigar from the -mouth whenever meeting a woman. - -One should never stare at another. - -A man when meeting a woman who is walking and with whom he wishes to -converse, does not allow her to stand while talking, but turns and -walks with her. - -A man cannot refuse to return the bow of any respectable woman. If he -does not wish to recognize her he must avoid her. - -It is much less rude for women to return a recognition coldly, and upon -the next occasion to turn away or to avoid a meeting, than to give a -“cut direct.” - -A man precedes a woman in passing through a crowd; but women precede -men under ordinary circumstances. - -It is not proper for a young girl to walk alone with a young man after -dark, unless she is engaged to him or he is a near relative of hers. -A young woman should meet a young man with whom she has only a slight -acquaintance under her father’s or a proper guardian’s roof. When he -has become well acquainted with her and her family or friends, she may -take occasional walks with him alone in the afternoon, but never in the -evening. - -When two women meet in a door-way, the younger gives precedence to the -elder. - -A man does not first offer to shake hands with a woman unless he is -very well acquainted with her. - -When it becomes necessary for one to address a man or woman whose name -one does not know, it should be as “Sir” or “Madam.” - -It is very bad taste for young women to eat candy during a theatrical -performance, or, indeed, in any public place. - - -TRAVELING. - -One can travel all over the United States alone, and if she conducts -herself quietly, and as a lady should, she will receive all due -respect. At the same time it is perhaps a little wiser to have a friend -with one, or even, if that is not possible, to be put in the care of -some one who is making the same journey. - -When a young woman is traveling alone and is obliged to stay at a -hotel, she is shown to a reception room and sends for a clerk to come -to her. After the business arrangements are made, she either gives him -a card or tells him her name, and he registers for her. There is no -reason why she should go into a public room or register herself. - -It is not customary, unless one is without luggage, to pay in advance -at a hotel. - -Fees are usually given on leaving the steamer to the steward or -stewardess, deck steward, head waiter, waiter of the particular table -at which one has taken his meals, and any other servants who have made -themselves useful to him during the voyage. The amount of the fees -depends on the amount of the service that has been required, varying -from $1 to $5 for each. Living in lodgings abroad is much cheaper than -living in hotels, and in most of the large cities such accommodations -may be had at reasonable rates, and are very comfortable. The prices -for lodging vary according to location, etc. A steamer trunk should -suffice for a traveler who makes a short trip abroad and intends to -spend all his time traveling and sight-seeing. Money for a short -trip can be carried on the person, in a belt, or a pocket hung about -the neck. For a trip of some length a letter of credit is more -convenient, and can be obtained from any banking-house having foreign -connections. In some countries traveling in the second-class carriages -is very comfortable; in others it is not. In Italy a traveler can be -comfortable only by traveling first-class; in France second-class is -not bad; and in Germany and Great Britain it is perfectly comfortable, -and preferable to first-class in many respects. - -A rush and scramble at a railway ticket office is only carried on by -ill-bred people, or by those who appear so at the time. - -If a woman offers to seat herself beside a man, he should rise at once -and give her the choice of seats. - -No real gentlemen would be unmindful of the comfort and convenience of -women, while traveling, from a selfish motive. - -In the cars one has no right to keep a window open, if the current of -air thus produced annoys another. - -A woman should always be careful to thank a person for any little -attention he may bestow upon her while traveling. - - -BICYCLING. - -As to rules of politeness for bicyclers, one who is a true lady will -show herself to be one as surely when riding a wheel as at any other -time, not only by her costume, which will be unobtrusive in color, cut, -and adjustment, but by her manner, which will be even more quiet and -self-possessed than usual, as she well knows that by mounting a wheel -she makes herself more or less conspicuous. It goes without saying that -she will not ride fast enough to attract undue attention; that she will -not chew gum; and that she will not allow advances from strangers, -who may, like herself, be on a wheel, and, to all appearances, may be -gentlemen. Neither will she ride off alone after dark, nor take long -rides in the evening attended only by an escort. In the daytime, when -out only with a man friend, she will avoid stopping to rest under the -trees and in out of the way places. Too much care cannot be taken, -especially by young girls, as to appearances. Their very innocence and -ignorance lays them open to criticism. - - -TELEPHONING. - -For the benefit of those who but seldom make use of the telephone, and -consequently feel more or less ill at ease when attempting to use one, -and also for those who, from ignorance of the first laws of politeness, -or who, from thoughtlessness, ignore them, a few hints upon the subject -may not come amiss. It is after having called up “Central,” and been -given the number requested, that one often stands in need of no small -amount of tact and good breeding, as well as of some idea of the best -method of procedure. When there are several different persons using -the same line, two or three of them may mistake the call for theirs, -and all rush to the telephone at once. If at all stupid, or lacking in -politeness, they will make it quite unpleasant for each other. The one -entitled to speak should politely inquire for the one for whom she has -called at the telephone, also giving her own name as the one delivering -the message. If this does not suffice to enlighten those who sometimes -keep calling “hello,” “hello,” without waiting to learn if they are -the ones desired, the one talking should again announce herself, and -the name of the one to whom she wishes to speak. Then, occasionally, -even while in the midst of a conversation, some one will break in -with a “Hello!” “Who is it?” “What do you want?” etc., which is quite -distracting. If one can gain a hearing in no other way, it is well to -say: “Excuse me, I hold the line.” If this does not bring order out of -chaos, one should ring off and call again. - -One should be careful not to call up friends at inconvenient hours, -and when one is notified by a servant, or otherwise, that someone, the -name being given, is at the telephone wishing to speak with her, she -should certainly be as expeditious as possible in replying; for, by -holding the wire, she is inconveniencing others, as well as the one -who is waiting for her. No lady needs to be warned against speaking -discourteously under any circumstances to the telephone assistants at -the central office. It is in these little things that one shows herself -to be well-bred or not. - -None, of course, but the most informal of invitations can be delivered -by telephone. - -Servants should be taught always to answer the telephone politely and -intelligently. When answering, a servant should say whose residence it -is, if asked, not by giving the family name, as “Smith,” but as “Mr. -Smith,” and then, if asked who is at the instrument, she should reply, -“Mrs. Smith’s cook” or “maid.” - -One’s individual manners, and ordinary polite or impolite forms of -address, are very noticeable when accentuated by the telephone. - -[Illustration] - - - - -CHAPTER VI. - -THE TABLE AND SERVICE AT TABLE, HABITS AT TABLE, SERVANTS AND SERVING. - - “God may forgive sins, but awkwardness has no - forgiveness in Heaven or earth.”—_Hawthorne._ - - -THE TABLE AND SERVICE AT TABLE. - -The table looks best when not over-decorated. The housekeeper who -cannot make changes in her table decoration finds that a mirror -centerpiece is a background that multiplies the beauty of her flowers, -fruit, leaves, or whatever may constitute the decoration. - -A unique and effective decoration for a luncheon table is made of long, -narrow bouquets of white carnations, tied with bows of yellow satin -ribbon, and arranged so that the ribbons all meet in the center of the -table, while the points are directed towards the guests. The effect is -of a great golden-hearted daisy. - -A pretty conceit for decorating a dainty table is to cluster a number -of small palms together in the center of the table. Around these place -small ferns, while beyond the latter arrange yards of smilax so as to -conceal the pots. Outside of all have a flat border composed of loose -bunches of pinks, roses, and maiden-hair ferns. Tie these with wide -pink satin ribbons, a long end of which should extend from each bouquet -down to the place of each of the women guests, and have her name -painted in gold upon it. Then there should be _boutonnières_ of pink -carnations for the men. - -Menu cards are not ordinarily used at any but the most formal kind of -an entertainment. They are always seen at large functions, men’s public -dinners, etc., which are usually given in a hotel or restaurant; but -in a private house individual menu cards, whether at a dinner or a -luncheon, are exceptional. - -When the dinner is large and formal, or even when it numbers only eight -or ten, it is wise to have small cards with the names of the guests -at each place at the table, and, if the guests are strangers to each -other, to have a tray in the men’s dressing-room or hall where they -remove their coats and hats with tiny envelopes addressed to each, -containing little cards on which is written the name of the dinner -partner. The hostess must see that, as soon as two dinner partners are -in the receiving room before dinner, they meet each other, and have a -chance for a little conversation before the meal is announced; and she -should also make a point to introduce each woman before dinner to the -man who is to sit on the other side of her. - -Introductions are not proper at the table, and at a large dinner it is -awkward to introduce all one’s guests to each other before the meal. -At a small dinner, of course, it is not necessary to observe all this -formality, and the hostess may introduce her guests to each other -without much ceremony, when the company numbers only four or six; but -with more, each woman should be provided with a partner who escorts her -to the table. At a small function there need be but a few minutes of -waiting before the guests are all seated. The guest of honor sits at -the right of the host. - -As to the manner of arranging the table, there is some difference -of opinion. However, generally speaking, there should be a napkin, -squarely folded, in front of each guest, and at the left of it the -forks, _i. e._, a fish fork and a large and a small ordinary fork. -At the right of the napkin should be the knives and spoons, a glass, -bread-and-butter plate (if used), and a salt cellar; and in the center -of the table on an embroidered centerpiece or circular mirror, the -floral decorations. At the head of the table, upon an embroidered -square, are laid the tea service,—the urn, the cups and saucers, the -cream pitcher, sugar bowl, etc.; at the other end are placed the dishes -for serving. Scattered about on circular doilies are the dishes of -jelly, preserves, pickles (sweet and sour), olives, salted almonds, etc. - -Chafing-dishes are used to prepare such dishes as terrapin, oysters, or -whatever may be cooked absolutely on the table. A napkin and plate, or -tray, is best liked for removing crumbs. - -Finger bowls should always follow the last course at formal and -informal meals alike, except at breakfast, when, if fruit is the first -course, the finger-bowl is put on the table when the covers are laid -ready for the fruit course. - -Spoon-holders are no longer used, but if one should be fancied it would -be better to put the bowl of the spoon in the holder first. - -Unless one serves something more than wafers, small cakes, tea, and -chocolate on an “at home” day, napkins are not necessary; if, however, -there is some dish that will soil the fingers or the lips, then there -should be a pile of small napkins on the tea-table. - -Tooth-picks should not be put on the table, nor should they be used -outside one’s own room. - -It is not necessary to fold one’s napkin when only one meal is to be -eaten in the house in which one is staying. - -The day for tying cakes, sandwiches, etc., with ribbons has passed. - -The waitress should stand with a tray in her hand behind the host’s -chair to receive each plate as it is filled, passing it to the left -of the guest, and waiting for him to remove it. When the hostess is -pouring tea or coffee, the maid’s place is by her left side in waiting -for the cups. After that she should be on the alert to see when the -glasses need filling, or when there is bread, pickles, or anything to -be passed. When removing the plates it should be from the right side of -the guest, but everything should be offered at the left that the right -hand may be used to receive it. - -When a dish is passed and there is no maid in attendance, one should -help himself and pass it on. If a dish is standing near one, under such -circumstances, he may quite properly ask if he may help himself, and do -so. - -When a plate is passed for a helping, the knife and fork are laid well -to the side of the plate, so placed that they will not fall off, and -yet not be in the way of the server. - -All the appurtenances of each course should be removed before the -succeeding one is served. The bread-and-butter plates, however, should -be removed before the salad course, as crackers and cheese are passed -with this, the salad plate being used to hold all three things. - -The salted almonds should be started about the table by the hostess -soon after the guests are seated. Some hostesses possess cut-glass -or china individual dishes, on which the almonds are placed when the -guest helps himself, but it is quite usual for them to be placed on the -bread-and-butter plate. - -Bonbons should be passed by the maid when the coffee is served, and -eaten from the plate from which the finger-bowl and doily have been -removed. - -It is not important whether tumblers or goblets are used on the -dinner-table; each season brings its own custom. - -The bread-and-butter plates at a formal dinner serve the purpose -only of bread plates, as it is not customary to serve butter on such -occasions. If it is used, however, butter should be made into tiny -balls, and one or two placed on each bread-and-butter plate. - -It is customary to put the vegetables served with the meat on the -same plate. The use of individual dishes for vegetables is no longer -approved. - -Oranges are seldom served at dinner unless they are specially prepared, -that is, with the skin taken off, and the sections divided, in which -case the fruit is eaten from a fork. - -Cheese and crackers of some sort are always served with salad courses. - -At a formal dinner bouillon or consommé is usually served in -soup-plates. At a supper or luncheon it is oftenest served in cups. The -regulation cups are those having handles on each side. - -When oysters are served on the half-shell, they are usually placed upon -the table before the meal is announced. - -It is not customary to serve fruit as a first course at dinner, though -at a lunch it is quite proper. - -Grape-fruit must be served ice cold. It is served in two ways: either -it is cut in halves, midway between the blossom and the stem end, the -seeds removed, the pulp loosened with a sharp knife, but served in -the natural skin, to be eaten with a spoon; or the pulp and seeds are -entirely removed from the skin with a sharp knife, and the edible part -only served in deep dessert plates. Pulverized sugar should accompany -grape-fruit. - -In waiting upon plates, one should never pour gravy on the food, but -place it at one side. - -The salad course at dinner always succeeds the game course. - -After dinner coffee is served in small cups and without cream. In -many houses rock-candy, crushed in very small pieces, is used as a -substitute for sugar, the claim being made that it gives a purer -sweetness. - -Cut sugar is served with coffee, and powdered sugar with fruit or -oatmeal. - -Coffee may be served at the table or in the drawing-room as is best -liked. People are not asked if they will have it; it is served to them. -Only sugar is offered with black coffee. - - -HABITS AT TABLE. - -Nothing indicates the good breeding of a man so much as his manners -at table. There are a thousand little points to be observed, which, -although not absolutely necessary, distinctly stamp the refined and -well-bred man. A man may pass muster by dressing well, and may sustain -himself tolerably in conversation; but, if he is not nearly perfect in -table etiquette, dining will betray him. - -Any unpleasant peculiarity, abruptness, or coarseness of manner is -especially offensive at table. People are more easily disgusted at -that time than at any other. - -One should never rest the arms upon the table, but keep the left hand, -when not in use, lying quietly in the lap. - -A man guest should never precede his hostess into or out of the -dining-room, but should wait respectfully by the door for her to pass. - -A soup-plate should never be tilted for the last spoonful. - -The mouth should be kept closed in eating, and as little noise made as -possible. - -A goblet should be held by the stem, and not by the bowl. - -Bread should be broken and not cut before buttering it to eat. - -A knife should never be used at table except where one is unable to cut -his food with his fork; it should never be used in conveying food to -the mouth. - -A knife should be held by its handle, and the finger not allowed to -extend up on the blade. In eating with a fork it should be held in the -right hand. - -The fork is generally used with the tines curving upward. - -Olives are eaten from the fingers; pickles, from a fork. It is usual to -put either a small fork or a long-handled spoon with a small bowl on -the dish containing olives or pickles, and one should use it in helping -one’s self. - -The tips of the fingers are put in the finger-bowls and may then -moisten the lips. Both lips and finger tips are dried on the napkin, -which is not afterwards folded. - -Watermelons are eaten with a fork, and cantaloupes with either a spoon -or a fork. - -A baked potato should be eaten from the plate after it has been pushed -out of its skin by the fork. - -Dried beef is eaten with a fork. - -Grape seeds may be removed from the mouth with the fingers. The seeds -of watermelons should be taken from the fruit with a fork before the -fruit is put into the mouth. - -Fish bones are taken from the mouth with the fingers. Care, however, is -usually taken to leave as few bones as possible in the fish, since the -general use of the silver knife with the silver fork has made it easy -to separate the bones from the meat. - -Bananas are broken with a fork, and a piece is conveyed to the mouth on -a fork. - -When a servant offers one a dish, he should help himself without taking -it from her hand. - -When drinking from a cup, the spoon should be left in the saucer, where -it also remains when the cup is empty. - -It is not proper to eat gravy with bits of bread; instead, it should be -regarded as a sauce, and simply eaten on the meat of which it forms a -portion. - -It is decreed by custom that the small bones of any bird may be taken -in the fingers, and the meat eaten from the bone. But this must always -be done daintily. - -What is known as “layer cake” is eaten from a fork, and in serving it -one uses either a pie-knife or a tablespoon and a fork. - -Cheese is eaten with a fork. - -After-dinner coffee is taken directly from the cup, and not from the -spoon. - -Crackers should be eaten from the hand, and not be broken into soup. - -When bread is passed, one takes a slice as it is cut, and does not -break it and leave a portion on the plate. Bread is always eaten from -the fingers. - -Raw oysters are eaten with a small oyster-fork from the shell. In -helping one’s self to salt, the little salt-spoon is used, and the salt -is placed on the plate. - -When strawberries are served with their stems on, one picks one up by -the stem, dips it into the soft sugar at the side of the plate, and -eats it from the stem. Bonbons are eaten from the fingers. If a spoon -is in the dish from which they are served, then one uses it; if not, -the fingers are proper. - -An apple or a pear may be held on a fork, and pared with a knife; or it -may be quartered, and each quarter held in the fingers, and then pared. -Dates are eaten from the fingers. - -When one answers “thank you” to an invitation to partake of a certain -dish at the table, “yes” is meant. - -One should break a small piece of bread off the slice, then butter it -and eat it. Only very small children in the nursery bite from a slice -of buttered bread. - -One need not fear to take the last piece on the plate when it is -offered. It would be more impolite to refuse it. - -It is very bad form to pile up, or in any way arrange the plates or -small dishes put before one, for the benefit of the waiter. She should -do her own work, which is to take away the plates without any help. - -When one wishes for bread, or anything of that sort, he should simply -ask for it, either addressing his request to the servant or, if there -is none, to whomever the bread may be nearest, if it is on the table. - -Upon leaving the table, and the signal for leaving is given when the -hostess rises, one’s napkin should be placed upon the table unfolded, -unless one is to remain for another meal. - -At a formal dinner party the host should enter the dining-room first -and with the lady in whose honor the dinner is given; the hostess goes -into the dining-room last with the most important man guest, who should -be seated at her right. - -Where menus are used they should be placed on the left-hand side, -beside the forks. When the dinner is over, at a signal from the -hostess, the women rise and retire to the drawing-room, where coffee -is usually served, the men remaining in the dining-room for coffee and -cigars. - -Five o’clock tea may be served in a variety of ways: the hostess may -brew it herself in a teapot upon her tea-table in the parlor; she -may make it by pouring boiling water over a tea-ball; or it may be -served by either a man or maid servant in the dining-room. Its proper -accompaniments are sugar, cream, sliced lemon, and either wafers, thin -sandwiches, or cake. - -It is in better form to have a luncheon served at a large table, -especially when the guests do not number more than twenty, than to have -small tables. Two o’clock is the fashionable hour for a luncheon; -after it is over the guests usually disperse. - -A host, in entertaining at a hotel or a restaurant, even if he -entertains only one woman, should give the order for the meal himself, -and save her the slight embarrassment it may be for her to make her -own selection. The most courteous thing is for him to order the meal -beforehand, but if the occasion is very informal and he prefers to -wait until they are at the table, he should, after he and his guest -are seated, hand the menu to her and ask if she has any especial -preference, and then, respecting her wishes, give the order himself to -the waiter. - -If, however, friends happen in, and are asked informally to stay to -a meal at a hotel, they may order themselves what they want from the -menu, and, if necessary, the host or hostess of the occasion may pay -the bill before leaving the dining-room, but the bill should not be -paid until the guests have departed. - -In giving one’s order for dinner at the hotel, oysters come first, then -soup, fish, a roast or a bird, ices, whatever dessert may be desired, -and coffee. Very often a woman is well served, when she is alone, by -allowing the waiter to arrange a dinner for her. - -If the only guest at the family dinner-table is a man, he should not be -served until all the ladies of the family have been attended to. - -If the hostess is the only woman at the table, she is served first, -as a lady is of most importance from a social standpoint, and it is -always proper to attend to her wants first. After her the man who is a -visitor, or whose age gives him precedence, receives attention. - -The guest of honor at a tea arrives a little earlier than the other -guests, and remains somewhat later, but at a luncheon or dinner she -should appear at the regulation time. One should remove one’s gloves -at a luncheon, but the retaining of the hat is entirely a matter of -personal taste. - -The inconsiderate guest who arrives late for luncheon or dinner is -shown immediately into the dining-room, and the hostess does not leave -her guests, but simply rises and motions him to a seat when he enters -the room. - -Ten minutes is the time usually allowed for each course where more than -a six-course dinner is served. - -The correct and usual way of seating a bridal party at a wedding -entertainment is for the groom to sit at one end of the table, and -the bride at the other end, the best man on the bride’s right, and -the maid of honor or first bridemaid on the groom’s right. The other -bridemaids and ushers are placed wherever seems best. As a usual thing, -the parents of the bride and groom do not sit at the same table with -the immediate bridal party, but at another table, together with the -near relatives on both sides, and perhaps the minister who officiated -at the wedding and his wife; but if it seems desirable to have the -parents at the bridal table, it is perfectly proper to seat them there. - -There are certain distinctive features of a bridal table which must be -in evidence. One is the wedding or bride’s cake, and this cake should -be the central ornament, and should be surrounded with a wreath of -roses. The place-cards should have the initials of the bride and groom -woven together for decoration, and the souvenirs may be small satin -boxes containing wedding cake. - - -SERVANTS AND SERVING. - -There is so much to say upon the subject of servants, notwithstanding -so much has already been said, it is difficult to know where to begin. -But, in the first place, every woman should remember that servants are, -like herself, human, and that in our free America, they are becoming -very independent, not to say self-assertive. Thus a house mistress has -no small matter to deal with when she demands obedience and respectful -attention from girls who are generally ignorant, and often impudent -and ill-bred. The greatest strength of the mistress lies in her power -to control herself, and while she must demand respectfulness from her -servants, she can often avoid a clash with them by using a little tact. -If they are treated in a kind, though dignified, manner, unless very -degenerate, they will usually respond satisfactorily. - -One can speak, with perfect propriety, of the one servant employed as -“the maid,” but not as “our girl.” - -Servants should be expected to dress neatly, and where there is but -one, she should have a clean white apron ready to put on when answering -the door-bell, being prepared with a tray to receive the caller’s card. -She should also know, before answering the bell, who is in and who is -not at home, and what excuse, if any, to make for each one called for. - -Servants should never be allowed to call any member of the family from -a distance, as from the foot of the stairs, but should go to the one to -whom she wishes to speak, and deliver her message. - -It is hard to say, under all circumstances, what to expect of a nursery -governess, and what should be her privileges. To treat her with the -greatest consideration is well worth while; for one is compensated in -being able to get an intelligent, ladylike woman who may be trusted -to guide her charges wisely. One may ask a governess to sleep in the -same room with the children, dress and undress them, eat with them, and -teach them, and take the entire charge of them; but, of course, one -will provide some attractive place for her to sit during the evening, -while the children are asleep in her room. It is also necessary to see -that her meals are well cooked and carefully served, and to permit -her to be free one afternoon and evening every week. She should be -addressed as “Miss Smith,” not by her first name. - -It is expedient to supervise the work of the general house-work servant -as much as possible; and if it is more convenient for her to go up the -front stairs to announce callers, and to go down them to answer the -front door, certainly allow her to use the front stairs instead of the -back ones on occasions. A waitress or parlor-maid is no more privileged -to use the front stairs than a general house-work servant. A nurse may -be, with propriety, wherever her charges are allowed. - -If a maid is expected to wear a cap, it is usually furnished by the -lady of the house. - -It is good form to address the servants one knows when entering a -house, and to thank them for any attention. - -It is unfortunate that the English system of feeing has come into vogue -here. But it is quite customary now, for a guest, after a visit, even a -short one, to bestow upon a servant a small fee, say, of a dollar. - -[Illustration] - - - - -CHAPTER VII. - -FUNERALS, MOURNING. - - Civility implies self-sacrifice; it is the last touch, - the crowning perfection of a noble character.—_Mathews._ - - -FUNERALS. - -At no place is a lack of system, and an observance of formality, more -noticeable than at a funeral. An undertaker generally has charge -of the details, and where he is well informed and has sufficient -assistance, he can manage affairs nicely, but there is a great deal of -unostentatious service that may be done by friends, indeed, must be. -They can assist the servants in arranging the house, flowers, etc., -before the funeral; meet any who may call at the door; and in every way -stand between the afflicted family and the outside world. Of course -none but intimate friends can be of service at such a time. All others, -no matter how willing, can but call at the door with offers of service, -and even that should not be carried far enough to appear intrusive. - -At a house funeral the family remains upstairs, or in a side room, -and is not seen. The remains are in the drawing-room, where they are -usually viewed by those present when passing out. The clergyman stands -near the head of the casket, if in so doing his voice can be well -heard. If there is singing, it is usually done by a quartet or by a -smaller number of persons, who are seated at the head of the stairs out -of sight and unaccompanied by any musical instrument. Those who are not -going to the cemetery quietly disperse at the close of the service. -Carriages are in waiting for the family, and the cortege moves as soon -after the close of the service as possible. - -In the meantime the nurse (if one still remains at the house), or some -friend, with the assistance of the servants, makes everything look as -natural and pleasant as possible before the return of the family. If -visitors come in later, of course it depends upon circumstances whether -or not they should be admitted. - -Church funerals are more formal. The congregation assembles, and when -the carriages containing the family arrive, the organ plays softly, and -the procession enters, the relatives walking close to the casket, and -sitting as near it as possible. After the services the procession moves -out in the same order, and the people in the pews wait until is has -passed on. - -The crêpe that is hung at the door-bell has often combined with it -ribbon streamers, those for the aged being black, for a younger person -purple, and for a child white with white crêpe also. Flowers should be -sent to the bereaved, in due time after the death, in token of sympathy. - - -MOURNING. - -The putting on of mourning is a question that should be decided -entirely by those most deeply concerned. Many families never follow the -custom, and even wear white instead of black on the day of the funeral, -while others seem to consider the wearing of crêpe as a mark of respect -shown to the dead. To assume the expense such a change in clothing -would entail, may sometimes be placing a burden upon the living for -the sake of the dead, which certainly neither custom nor reason should -demand. Then, to many, the wearing of crêpe is so depressing that it -is a sin against one’s self to put it on. None but narrow-minded, -uncultivated persons would ever think of criticising one for not doing -so. Of course one would naturally feel like dressing in as subdued -colors as possible, if not in assuming half mourning (black and white, -lavendar, drab, etc.) if not deep black or crêpe. - -When mourning is worn by a wife for a husband, it is worn from one to -two years, at least. - -The question of wearing mourning for one’s betrothed must be decided -by one’s self, for it is purely a personal question that the laws of -etiquette do not govern. - -When crêpe is laid aside, black-bordered paper and black-bordered cards -are no longer proper. While wearing all black on the street, after -crêpe is laid aside, one may wear, with propriety, all white in the -house. - -While in deep mourning one does not go into society. All that mourning -etiquette demands is that one acknowledge her calls with her visiting -cards, which should be sent in return for a call within two weeks after -it is made, and should go by hand rather than by mail. - -One sends invitations to one’s friends who are in mourning, to show -that they are not forgotten. - - - - -CHAPTER VIII. - -POLITENESS OF YOUNG CHILDREN. - - Give a boy address and accomplishments, and you give - him the mastery of palaces and fortunes wherever he - goes.—_Ralph Waldo Emerson._ - - -A mother once asked a clergyman when she should begin to educate her -child, then three years old. “Madam,” was his reply, “you have lost -three years already.” - -As soon as the child can talk, its lessons in politeness should begin. -Among a child’s first words should be “please” and “thank you.” - -A child should never be allowed to leave the table, after it is old -enough to understand and to say it, without asking to be excused. - -A child should be taught to pass behind and not before one. - -Little boys should never be allowed to keep their hats on in the house. - -Children, when very young, should be taught to be generous and polite -to their little visitors, and, if necessary, to give up all of anything -where half will not do. - -Children should be taught to “take turns” in playing games, and that no -one should monopolize the pleasantest part of a game. - -Children soon feel a pride in being little ladies and gentlemen, rather -than in being rude and impolite. - -If mothers would impress upon their children’s minds how stupid they -appear when they stand staring at one without answering when addressed -with “good morning” or a like salutation, they would be anxious to know -what to say, and to say it. - -Children do not always know what to answer when addressed. They ought -to be taught, so that they may feel no embarrassment. - -When children inconvenience others, they ought to be taught to say -“excuse me” or “beg pardon.” - -In the cars, or in any public place, a boy or a girl should always -rise, and give his or her place to an older person. - -A child should always learn that it is both naughty and rude to -contradict, and to say “what for” and “why,” when told to do anything. - -A mother who is as careful of her child’s moral nature and manners as -of his physical nature, will guard him from naughty and rude playmates -as closely as she would from measles or whooping-cough. - -A mother should never allow any disrespect in her children’s manners -toward herself, nor toward any one older than they are. They should be -taught especially to reverence the aged. - -Habits of politeness and kindness to the poor are of great worth, and -easily formed in childhood. - -Virtue is born of good habits, and the formation of habits may be said -to constitute almost the whole work of education. - -Habits have been compared to handcuffs, easily put on and difficult to -rid one’s self of. - -Those parents who regulate their lives in accordance with the commands -of the Bible, find many verses which are of great assistance in -teaching politeness to young children, such as, “Be ye courteous one to -another,” “Be respectful to your elder,” “Do to others as ye would that -they should do to you,” etc. - -A child should be thoroughly trained with regard to table manners. The -well-bred child will not chew his food with his mouth half open, talk -with it in his mouth, nor make any unnecessary noises in eating; and he -will handle his knife and fork properly. - -Children should be taught that it is very rude to look into drawers or -boxes, or, in fact, to meddle with or handle anything away from home -that is not intended for them to play with. - -Children should be made to understand that they must not ask too many -questions promiscuously, such as, “Where are you going?” “What have you -there?” etc. - -A child should be taught never to tease a playmate’s mother, or to have -its own mother teased by a playmate. Teasing should not be allowed. - -Children should never be allowed to say “I won’t” and “I will,” even to -each other. - -Children should never be allowed to speak of an elder person by the -last name without the proper prefix. They should also be taught, in -addressing boys and girls, say, sixteen years of age, to use the -prefix, as “Miss” or “Mr.,” before the given name; thus “Miss Alice” -or “Mr. George.” In fact, all people should observe this rule in -addressing the young, except in case the older person is very familiar -with the younger, or in case the latter is too young to be so addressed. - -Children are now taught to say, “Yes, mamma,” “What, mamma?” “Thank -you, mamma,” “Yes, Mrs. Allen,” “What, Mrs. Allen?” etc., in preference -to “Yes, ma’am,” “No, ma’am,” etc. - -Children should be taught that it is rude to yawn without trying to -suppress it, or without concealing the mouth with the hand; to whistle -or hum in the presence of older persons; or to make any monotonous -noise with feet or hands, beating time, etc.; to play with napkin -rings, or any article at table during meal time; to pick the teeth -with the fingers; to trim or clean one’s nails outside one’s room; to -lounge anywhere in the presence of company; to place the elbows on the -table, or to lean upon it while eating; to speak of absent persons by -their first names, when they would not so address them if they were -present; to acquire the habit of saying “you know,” “says he,” “says -she;” to use slang words; to tattle; to hide the mouth with the hand -when speaking; to point at anyone or anything with the finger; to stare -at persons; to laugh at one’s own stories or remarks; to toss articles -instead of handing them; to leave the table with food in the mouth; to -take possession of a seat that belongs to another without instantly -rising upon his return; to leave anyone without saying “good-by;” to -interrupt any one in conversation; to push; to ridicule others; to -pass, without speaking, any one whom they know; etc. - -Some young people are not as particular as they should be about certain -articles of the toilet, such as combs, brushes, etc. One should always -have such things for his own individual use. It is exceedingly -impolite to use any toilet article belonging to another. - -It is ill-mannered to ask questions about affairs that do not concern -one, or to pry into the private affairs of one’s friends. To inquire -the cost of articles indiscriminately, is impudent. - -If parents are not at home when visitors come in, or are too busy to -see them at once, a child, in the absence of a maid, should politely -show them in, offer them a comfortable chair, show them anything he -thinks they will be interested in, and make every effort to entertain -them agreeably until such time as his parents can take his place. He -should then politely withdraw from the room. - -Children and young people should early learn not to monopolize the best -light or the most desirable seat in the room, but to look about when -anyone enters, whether a guest or an older member of their own family, -and see if by giving up their own place the new-comer may be made more -comfortable. - -A boy ought to show to his mother and sisters every attention he would -show to any other woman. Should they chance to meet on the street he -should politely raise his hat. He should allow them to pass first -through a door, give them the inside of the walk, help them into a -carriage, and everywhere and under all circumstances treat them with -politeness and deference. Girls should of course treat their brothers -in the same polite manner; for they can hardly expect to receive -attentions where they are unwilling to bestow them. - -Children, especially little boys, should be taught not to precede their -mothers, or any woman, into theaters, street cars, churches, elevators, -or into the house or even a room. - - -SCHOOL-ROOM ETIQUETTE. - - “Good manners are the shadows of virtues, if not - virtues themselves.” - -If teachers realized the inestimable amount of good they might -accomplish by giving a little time and thought to the manners of their -pupils, surely they would willingly give it. Those of their pupils who -have no proper training at home would thus gain a knowledge which, in -after life, would prove a blessing. And such a course acted upon by the -teacher would be of great assistance to the parents of those who are -well trained at home; for a large portion of a child’s time is spent in -school, and under conditions that require such training. - -Teachers must treat their scholars politely if they expect polite -treatment from them. - -Every teacher should see that no pupil is allowed to treat those of a -lower station in life with disrespect. - -It is a common occurrence for a teacher to speak with seeming -disrespect of a pupil’s parents, blaming them for the pupil’s lack of -interest in school, truancy, etc. Such a course is highly reprehensible -in the teacher, and gains the pupil’s ill-will. It is better to assume -that the parents would be displeased with anything wrong in the pupil, -and to appeal to the pupil for his mother’s or father’s sake. - -A teacher should never allow herself or himself to be addressed by -pupils as “Teacher,” but as Miss or Mr. Smith. - -If pupils would take pains to bid a teacher “good-morning” and -“good-night,” they would appear well in so doing, and easily give -pleasure to another. - -The entire atmosphere of a school-room is dependent upon trifles. Where -a teacher, by her own actions and in accordance with her requirements, -insures kindness and politeness from all to all, she may feel almost -sure of the success of her school. - -Young misses ought to be addressed by the teacher as “Miss Julia,” -“Miss Annie.” Young boys (too young to be addressed as Mr.) should be -addressed as “Master Brown,” “Master Jones,” etc. - -Teachers should use great discretion in reproving any unintentional -rudeness, especially on the part of those ignorant from lack of home -training. If such were reproved gently and privately, it would be -more efficacious and just. No one should be allowed to appear to -disadvantage from ignorance. - -Selfishness, untruthfulness, slang, rowdyism, egotism, or any show of -superiority should be corrected in the school-room. - -Young teachers hardly realize with what fear and dread mothers intrust -to them their carefully reared children, especially young ones. - -[Illustration] - - - - -CHAPTER X. - -OFFICIAL ETIQUETTE. - - “Good fashion rests on realty, and hates nothing so - much as pretenders.”—_Emerson._ - - -All presentations to foreign courts are made through the national -representatives, and from them is received all the information desired -in reference to the necessary forms and ceremonies. - -Kings and queens are addressed as “Your Majesty.” The Prince of Wales, -the crown princes, and all other princes and princesses are addressed -as “Your Royal Highness.” - -The President’s “levees” at Washington are open to all, and are -conducted very much as an ordinary “reception.” As one enters, an -official announces him, and he proceeds directly to the president and -his lady, and pays his respects. - -The door of the White House may be said never to be closed, and any -one who desires may call upon its occupants as upon those of any other -dwelling. He may not, however, obtain a personal interview. This, to be -secured, he must seek in the company of an official or intimate friend -of the president, who will be able to judge of the claims for attention -of a visitor. - -No particular style of dress is required to make one’s appearance at -the Republican Court. - -No refreshments are expected to be offered at a presidential reception. - -Custom does not require that the wife of the president of the United -States should return official calls. Exception is made in the case of -visiting Royalty. The wives of the foreign ambassadors should make the -first call upon the wife of the vice-president, as should the wives -of the cabinet officials. At a function given by officials of foreign -governments at Washington, the wife of the secretary of state takes -precedence over the wives of the foreign ambassadors. - -[Illustration] - - - - -CHAPTER XI. - -BUSINESS CORRESPONDENCE, APPLICATIONS, ETC. - - Since custom is the principal magistrate of human - life, let men by all means endeavor to obtain good - customs.—_Lord Bacon._ - - -CORRESPONDENCE. - -BUSINESS CORRESPONDENCE. - -Closely written postal cards and long letters meet with little favor -among business men; therefore it is important to make business -correspondence as plain and brief as possible. - -Names of places and persons should be written very plainly. - -When a letter is written in reply to another, the date of the letter to -which the reply is made should be given, and it is an excellent plan, -and one that saves much time, to give in a letter the substance of the -one to which it is a reply. This is especially desirable when accepting -a special offer made in such letter, thus: - - Mr. A. FLANAGAN, Chicago, Illinois. - - _Dear Sir:_ - - Your favor of Feb. 15, in which you offer us a discount - of 33-1/3 per cent. on your books, when purchased in - lots of 100 or more, came duly. We herewith enclose - our check for three hundred dollars ($300.), for which - please ship us, by freight the following: - - 100 copies of “Words; Their Use and Abuse.” - 100 “ “Getting on in the World.” - 100 “ “Hours with Men and Books.” - - Respectfully, - GEO. W. JONES & CO. - - Boulder, Colo., April 3, 1899. - - - Griggsville, Ill. MESSRS. HARPER & BROTHERS, New York. - - _Gentlemen:_ - - Enclosed is a post-office order for $3, for which - please send me Harper’s New Monthly Magazine for one - year, beginning with the May number. - - Respectfully, - (MISS) SARA BROWN. - -When writing a business letter, a married woman should sign her name as -she would sign it when writing any other letter; that is, by placing -her first name and surname in the usual position of the signature, and -adding, a little to the left-hand, her name in full, with the address, -thus: - - St. Paul, Minn., Nov. 9th, 1899. - - MESSRS. HARPER & BROTHERS, New York. - - _Gentlemen:_ - - Please send me one copy of “How Women Should Ride,” for - which you will find enclosed one dollar and twenty-five - cents ($1.25). - - Respectfully, - EMMA C. BOWEN. - MRS. CHARLES E. BOWEN, - 324 Dupont Avenue. - -When writing to a person or firm for information solely for one’s own -benefit, a postal card or a stamped envelope should be enclosed for a -reply. - -It is a too common custom among people unacquainted with the rules -of business, when sending an order to one firm, to enclose money to -be paid another, or with which to make small purchases in some other -line, to be sent in the package ordered from the firm with which the -correspondence is held. The proper way to do when one wishes to order -goods from different houses in the same city, and yet have all the -goods shipped in the same package, is to write an order to each firm -requesting the goods to be delivered to the firm with which one does -the most business, having, of course, notified such firm of his action. - -It has become so common among people to request everything “by return -mail” that business men look upon such requests as a mere form, rather -than as an evidence of urgency. If such urgency exists, it is well to -state the cause of it in a few words, and request immediate attention -to the order, thus: - - Harvard, Ill., Nov. 2, 1899. - - MESSRS. A. C. MCCLURG & CO., Chicago. - - _Gentlemen:_ - - I enclose herewith $2, for which please send me a copy - of Longfellow’s poetical works. You will oblige me by - sending the book by return mail, as I wish to use it on - the evening of the 4th inst. - - Respectfully, - JAMES WELLS. - -Whoever writes a caustic letter makes a mistake; for it will do no -good, even if there seems to be a cause for it, and if the assumed -cause proves to be simply a mistake the writer will be humiliated. - - -LETTERS OF APPLICATION. - -It is sometimes difficult to write a letter of application, because -one must speak of himself and of his ability to fill the position -sought, and to do so without seeming egotistic. If the applicant has -had experience in work similar to that for which he applies, a simple -statement of the fact, the length of time engaged in such work, the -reason for quitting his last position, and the name and address of his -former employer, should form the substance of his letter. If he has had -no experience, he should state what advantages he has had to qualify -himself for the work, and not boast that he could soon and easily learn -to do it. - -The following will exemplify the points: - - - 124 La Salle St., - Chicago, Sept. 24, 1899. - - MESSRS. A. G. BAKER & CO., - Kirkwood, Ohio. - - _Gentlemen:_ - - I am informed by a friend, Mr. C. A. Brooks, of your - village, that you are in want of a book-keeper, and - I desire to make application for the position. I am - a young man, but have had several years experience - in keeping books. I am now in charge of the books of - Messrs. Jones & Williams, of this city, to whom I - can refer you for information as to my ability and - character. I desire to go to the country, and should be - glad to work for you, if you can pay me $70 per month, - which is my present salary. - - Very respectfully, - T. R. MILLER. - - - Salem, Wis., May 15, 1899. - MESSRS. CLARK & WILLIAMS, - 107 State Street, Chicago. - - _Gentlemen:_ - - I am informed that your shipping clerk is soon to - leave, and that the position now held by him will be - vacant. I desire to apply for the same, but I am sorry - to state that I have not had any experience in this - particular line of work; however, I have been a general - clerk in a village store, and am familiar with simple - book-keeping, which would probably enable me to learn - the work of a shipping clerk in a reasonable length of - time. - - In case you should wish to engage me on trial, I would - gladly assist, without compensation, your present clerk - until the end of his engagement, which, I understand, - is about three weeks from date. - - My present employer is Mr. G. W. Webster, of this - place, and he will doubtless answer any inquiries - concerning my work that you may address him. - - Respectfully, - GEO. E. JOHNSON. - -Such letters should always contain a stamp for a reply. The stamp is -attached by its corner or by a pin to the head of the letter. - -Great precaution should always be taken not to send a letter with -insufficient postage on it; for the additional postage is collected -from the person to whom the letter is sent, and many business men look -upon such neglect as inexcusable, if they do not consider it dishonest, -inasmuch as it compels others to pay what the writer should have known -it was his duty to pay. - -An application for a position as teacher in a public school is often -very difficult to write, because it is necessary to say much, and to -say it, in some cases, to men who are not thoroughly familiar with -business principles. - -Before giving any forms, some suggestions which experience has taught -may be of great importance. The handwriting should be natural. If one -has a degree, he should not sign his name with it, but state in his -letter that he is a graduate, naming the institution from which he was -graduated. All boasting should be avoided. One should not ask a reply -by return mail, but he might enclose a postal card or a stamp with a -request to be informed when the board meets to consider applications. -One ought not to name as references persons who know nothing about his -work; for although they may, if consulted, endeavor to praise him, -they will show their ignorance of what he has done, and the board will -naturally assume that he has no better references. - -As a rule it is not advisable to give testimonials from ministers or -from county superintendents, unless the writers can say that they are -familiar with the teacher’s work, and have visited his school. Very -old testimonials should not be placed before a board. Indeed, it is -doubtful whether any testimonial, unless it comes from a competent -judge, is of value. - -If boards would consult one’s references, or seek information from -outside sources, it would be only just to all concerned; but as they -will not often do this, it is wise to send copies of two or three, -generally not more, good testimonials, and to have one or two of the -applicant’s friends write the board in his behalf. - -A letter of application, especially if for the position of -superintendent or that of principal, should be full and explicit, -specifying the opportunities the writer has had to prepare himself for -the position, rather than stating that he has done so-and-so, for in -the latter case it might seem like boasting. - -Sometimes a short letter, unless circumstances demand a long one, will -be most favorably received by a board. The writer once knew a very -important position to be obtained by a correspondence about as follows -(names of places, dates, etc., are omitted): - - TO THE HONORABLE BOARD OF EDUCATION. - - _Gentlemen:_ - - I learn through a friend in your county, that the - position of superintendent of your school is vacant. - If the position has not been filled, I desire to make - application for the same. I am a graduate of ————, and - have taught three years. I am now principal of the ———— - schools, but desire to teach in your State, as my home - is there. - - Respectfully, - ————————— - -A stamp was enclosed for a reply. The secretary of the board at once -wrote asking for references and stating the salary paid. The applicant -replied that he did not wish the position at the salary named, and -thanked the secretary for the trouble he had been given. - -Had the applicant written a long letter, setting forth the value of his -services, and urging the board to raise the salary, it is not probable -that a reply would have been received by him. The simple statement that -he did not want the position at the salary named, was evidence to the -board that he considered his services worth more, and, moreover, that -he had confidence that he would command more. The secretary replied -to the last short note, asking for references and at what salary he -would accept the position. The information was given, and in a few days -the applicant was requested to meet the board with the assurance that -the position would be given him if the interview proved satisfactory, -which it did. Afterwards the applicant was informed by the president of -the board that his short business-like letters, written in an almost -illegible but natural hand, obtained for him the place over nearly -one hundred applicants, many of whom were college graduates of long -experience in teaching, and who had basketfuls of testimonials, but not -one of whom had written even a fairly good letter of application. - -Many cities and towns have stated public examinations, which applicants -must attend before they can be employed. - -The impression of character and of qualification produced by a personal -interview is deemed so important that even minor appointments are -scarcely given to any one not personally known to one of the school -board, or to some one in whose professional judgment they have great -confidence. - -Preliminary inquiries about positions are most profitably made through -acquaintances, who can advise one whether to take any further steps. -One might write as follows: - - Chicago, Ill., Nov. 3, 1899. - - _My Dear Friend:_ - - May I trouble you to ascertain whether there is any - vacancy in the schools at Elgin, to which I would have - any prospect of an appointment? You will confer a great - favor upon me if you will ask the superintendent, - and let me know soon what he says. You can say to - him that after I finished the high school course at - Racine, I taught a term in a district school in Racine - County, Wis., and was one year in charge of a primary - department at Woodstock, and that I had charge of the - grammar department at the latter place last year. - - You know something of the work I have done, and I can - furnish testimonials from the school officers where I - have taught. - - Yours very truly, - EMMA C. BOWEN. - -If a favorable answer is received, something like the following form -may be used, which is also a form suitable to make application where -one is already acquainted, and where formal applications are expected. - - Chicago, Ill., Jan. 10, 1899. - - MR. C. E. RYAN, - Supt. of Public Schools, - Elgin, Ill. - - _Dear Sir:_ - - I desire to obtain a position in the schools of your - city. I enclose a letter from Mr. Henry Jones, a - director of Woodstock, where I last taught; and I - refer you to Mrs. Mary Smith, of Elgin. I prefer the - intermediate work, but would not object to any position - that I may be able to fill. - - I completed the course in the Racine High School, and - have taught a little more than two years, first in - a country school, then in a primary school a year at - Woodstock, where I afterward had charge of the grammar - room for a year. - - Please inform me when and by whom candidates are - examined, as well as what vacancies there are, and be - kind enough to make any suggestions that you think will - be helpful to me. - - Very respectfully, - (Miss) EMMA C. BOWEN. - -[Illustration] - - - - -CHAPTER XI. - -GENERAL HINTS. - - We remain shackled by timidity till we have learned to - speak and act with propriety.—_Samuel Johnson._ - - -A man raises his hat when walking with another, not only to his own -acquaintances, but to those persons who bow to his companion, whether -he is acquainted with them or not. - -If a man meets a woman in a hotel corridor or hall he should step -aside, allowing her to pass, and raising his hat. - -If in a public place a man hands a woman anything she has dropped, he -should raise his hat when offering it to her. A well-bred man raises -his hat after passing the fare of a woman in a car or coach. This does -not mean that he has any desire to become acquainted with her, but it -is his tribute to her sex. - -Slight inaccuracies in statements should not be corrected in the -presence of others. - -One should give her children, unless married, their Christian names -only, or say “my daughter” or “my son,” in speaking of them to anyone -excepting servants. - -Men remove their hats when in elevators in the presence of women. - -Men having occasion to pass before women seated in lecture and concert -rooms, and all other places, should “beg pardon,” and pass with their -faces, and not their backs, toward them. - -In going up or down stairs, a man precedes a woman or walks by her side. - -To indulge in ridicule of another, whether the subject be present or -absent, is to descend below the level of gentlemanly propriety. - -A reverence for religious observances and religious opinions is a -distinguishing trait of a refined mind. - -Religious topics should be avoided in conversation, except where all -are prepared to concur in a respectful treatment of the subject. In -mixed societies the subject should never be introduced. - -Frequent consultation of the watch or time-piece is impolite, either -when at home or abroad. If at home, it appears as if one were tired -of the company and wished them to be gone; if abroad, as if the hours -dragged heavily, and one were calculating how soon he would be released. - -It is very unbecoming to exhibit petulance or angry feeling, though it -is indulged in largely in almost every circle. The true gentleman does -not suffer his countenance to be easily ruffled. - -The right of privacy is sacred, and should always be respected. It -is exceedingly improper to enter a private room without knocking. No -relation, however intimate, will justify an abrupt intrusion upon a -private apartment. Likewise the trunk, boxes, packets, papers, or -letters of any individual, locked or unlocked, sealed or unsealed, -are sacred. It is ill-mannered even to open a book-case, or to read a -written paper lying open, without permission, expressed or implied. - -Members of the same family should never differ with each other in -public. - -One should never appear to be thinking of his own personal rights to -the resenting of a little slight, whether real or imaginary. - -In small communities where near neighbors, for convenience’s sake, -borrow back and forth, great care should be taken that the practice -does not become a nuisance, as it surely does when it is indulged in -too frequently, and when borrowed articles are not speedily returned -and in good condition. There should be no stinted measures in returning. - -Ostentation is snobbish, as is all too great profusion. - -To affect not to remember a person is despicable, and reflects only on -the pretender. - -Some conceited or ill-bred people imagine they make themselves -important and powerful by being rude and insulting. - -One is judged, to a great extent, by the character of his associates. - -One should be very careful how he asks for the loan of a book. If -interest is shown in one, its owner will offer it for perusal if -willing to lend it. When reading a borrowed book, one should take the -best of care of it, and return it as soon as possible. No real lady -or gentlemen will leave finger prints upon its pages, or turn down -its leaves in place of a book-mark, or scribble in it with a pencil, -or loan it to a third person without the knowledge and consent of the -owner. - -A lack of reverence in one in the house of God, implies low parentage, -or a coarse nature that is not subject to refinement. - -To whisper and laugh during any public entertainment proclaims one’s -ill-breeding, and invades the rights of others. - -One ought never to leave the house after the evening’s entertainment -without bidding the hostess good-night, and acknowledging the pleasure -the evening has afforded him. - -The business man has no stock-in-trade that pays him better than a good -address. - -It is only those persons and families whose position is not a secure -one, that are afraid to be seen outside their own social circle. - -One should never reprove servants or children before strangers. - -A true lady will not betray her astonishment at any violation of -conventional rules, least of all will she make it her province to -punish those who may make any such violation. - -If one, on meeting another, fails to recall the name, he should frankly -say so. - -One should never recall himself to the recollection of a casual -acquaintance without at the same time mentioning his name. - -In a flat-house a man should take his hat and coat into the apartment -where he is going to call, and not leave them in the hall on the first -floor. - -It is very bad taste, even in quite a large party, for young girls to -visit a man at his office. - -It is perfectly good form for a mother to invite to a little child’s -party children whose parents she does not know, or who have not yet -called upon her. The invitations go out in the child’s name and to the -child’s friends. - -It is extremely rude and ill-bred, when at a boarding-house or hotel -table, to criticise the food that is served. The fact that it is paid -for makes it none the less an evidence of bad manners. People who are -not satisfied where they are boarding should always leave; they have no -right to make others uncomfortable by their lack of good-breeding. - -Women of good-breeding do not permit themselves to “overlook” those to -whom courtesies are due. - -A man should learn to put his coat on in a public place of -entertainment so that he will not require assistance from the woman who -is with him. - -The young woman to whom a seat is offered should take it, unless her -companion is an older woman, when it would be quite proper to extend -the courtesy to her. - -It is very bad taste, even for a frolic, for a young girl to assume -boy’s clothes, or get herself up in any way that will tend to make -herself look masculine. - -There is no impropriety in giving to those men friends with whom one is -well acquainted, some trifling souvenir at Christmas or Easter, or on -birthdays. - -It is customary for a young man to send a young woman only such gifts -as flowers, candy, and books; and as these presents are sent merely -as a slight return for her hospitality and invitations to her house, -etc., it is not necessary for her to send him any gift in return. If, -however, a young woman and man are on intimate enough terms to exchange -presents, she may send him any small article for the desk or toilet; -such as a silver-handled whisk broom, court-plaster case, pen-wiper, -paper-cutter, or books, which are a good present and always acceptable -to any one. - -Nothing looks more ill-bred than to see a young man, under his parents’ -roof, devoting himself during a whole evening entirely to one young -woman to the ignoring of the others. - -A man who is escorting two women in the street should not walk between -them, but on the outside of both near the curb; at the theater or at -any place of amusement or at church, he should sit nearest to the -aisle, at the side of one of them. - -Unless there is some good reason why she needs his support, a man -seldom offers his arm to a woman he escorts, even in the evening. A -husband may offer his arm to his wife, of course, and a man may proffer -this help to an invalid or aged person. - -A little delicate perfume may be used with propriety, but a heavy -perfume, and one that scents the entire room in which the person who -uses it happens to be, is in very bad form. - -In opening a door from the hall to the drawing-room, a man should hold -it while a woman precedes him in entering. - -When one’s pardon is asked for some slight inattention, an inclination -of the head and a smile is the best answer. - -The words “gentleman friend” and “lady friend” have been so vulgarized -that most well-bred women now say “man friend” or “woman friend,” it -being taken for granted that they number among their friends only -ladies and gentlemen. - -Custom never condones liberties, no matter how slight, between young -men and women. - -When a woman is visiting, any acquaintance who should call upon her -should also ask for her hostess, and if she is absent leave a card for -her. - -It is considered very bad taste for a young girl to address a man with -whom her acquaintance is but slight by his Christian name. - -No young man has any right to spend the entire afternoon and evening -every Sunday at one particular house, to the annoyance of an entire -family, who do not like to make him conscious of the fact that they -consider him a bore. - -When a young man is paying a visit, and the older members of the family -are in the room, he should, in leaving, bid them good-night first, and -afterward say his farewell to the young girl on whom he has called. It -is in bad taste for her to go any further than the parlor door with him. - -Even if a correspondence is of a “purely friendly character,” it should -not exist between a married woman and a young man, or between a married -man and a young woman. - -It is not good taste to ask one’s men friends to buy tickets for -charity affairs. They do not like to refuse, and very often, though the -sum required may be small, they cannot afford it. - -There is very great harm in young girls meeting young men in -secret; the men will have no respect for the girls, and nothing but -mortification for the girls will be the result. - -It is quite proper to thank any public servant, such as a railroad -conductor, for any information he may give, but it is not necessary to -be effusive about it. - -It is not in good taste, nor even proper, for young women to go alone -to a hotel to dine with a man. - -When a girl is young and pretty, a Platonic friendship is very -difficult to keep up. - -When a man friend has driven a woman in town to go to church he should -take her direct to the church and leave her there while he drives where -his carriage and horses are to wait until after the service. Of course -he would walk to church and join her there. - -It is not in good taste for different members of a party to go off in -pairs, and spend the evening alone on the seashore. - -It is not wise for a young woman and young man living in the same city -to correspond. If meeting each other often they ought to be able to say -all that is necessary. - -One has no right whatever to read a postal card addressed to another -without permission. - -The very minute the married man begins to tell of his wife’s faults, -the time has come to cut his acquaintance. - -It is more than wrong for a young girl to receive visits from a married -man. - -In entering any public place a woman should precede a man, but going -down the aisle, the usher, of course, would precede her. - -A hostess stands to receive her visitors, but she does not advance to -meet them unless the visitor should be some one quite old or of such -importance that the visit is of great honor. The hostess extends her -hand to the men who call, as well as to the women. - -A woman is not supposed to recognize a man who is one of a group -standing in a public place, since a modest girl will not look close -enough at a group of men to recognize an acquaintance. - -No matter how well a woman may know a man, it would be in very bad form -to send him an invitation which does not include his wife, unless it -should be at some affair at which only men are to be present. - -A man should show as much courtesy to a woman in his employ as he does -to the women he meets in social life. - -It is not in good taste to visit at the home of one’s betrothed, unless -a personal invitation is received from his mother. - -Two women may attend, with perfect propriety, a place of amusement -without an escort. They should be, however, under such circumstances, -exceptionally quiet in their manners and their dress. - -In escorting a young woman home, a man should go up the steps with her, -wait until the door is opened, and, as she enters the house, raise his -hat and say good-night. - -If a young girl were very ill, there would be no impropriety in her -mother bringing her betrothed to see her, although, of course, she -would remain in the room during his visit. - -It is always proper and courteous for a person in church to share -either prayer-book or hymnal with anyone who may be without either. - -There is no impropriety in a woman’s permitting a man friend to assist -her in putting on her over-shoes. - -If one approves of the acting or the sentiment of the play, there is no -impropriety in expressing gentle applause, but a loud clapping of the -hands is decidedly vulgar. - -One should never prevent people from leaving his house when they -desire. That is not hospitality. It is tyranny; it is taking a mean -advantage of their unwillingness to offend. - -If a women lives in a boarding house and has only one room, it would -be very bad taste to receive any man visitor there. Even if it is not -quite so agreeable, they should be received in the public parlor. - -When a man and woman approach a hostess together, the hostess should -shake hands with the woman first. - -When a man calls on a woman, he shakes hands with her on his arrival; -but, unless he is very intimate in the house, a simple bow is -sufficient when he leaves. - -An unmarried woman writing her name in a hotel register should prefix -it with “Miss” in parentheses. - -When a man friend has taken a lady to a concert, she should thank him -for his kindness in having given her a pleasant evening. - -It is not advisable for a girl to deliberately “cut” any man. If -she wishes to discontinue her acquaintance with a man whom she -cannot respect, it may be done gradually, at first by the coolest of -greetings; then, by a look in the other direction; and in time all -recognition will cease. - -If a stranger takes occasion to be polite to one during a street-car -accident, all that is necessary is a polite “thank you.” - -When a man who is to escort a girl to an entertainment calls for her at -her own home, it is proper for her to appear with her wraps on, and be -ready to start at once. - -If a man is courteous enough to open the door of a store or any public -building for a woman, she should thank him. - -If a girl of sixteen goes to an evening affair, her mother should -arrange to have either a servant or a member of the family go after her -to bring her home. - -If the hostess opens the door for a man caller, she should precede him -in entering the parlor. - -After having taken a meal or having received any other kind of -entertainment at a private house, before leaving a guest should express -his thanks, or, rather his enjoyment, of the same to the hostess. This -courtesy from a young man or girl is very acceptable to elderly ladies. - -Queen Victoria has forgiven certain breaches of etiquette made in -ignorance, and left her guest to discover the mistake at another time. -It is a reprehensible host indeed who does otherwise, and so makes a -guest uncomfortable. Etiquette is all wrong and false when it makes one -forget the higher laws of courtesy or hospitality. - -[Illustration] - - - * * * * * - -Transcriber’s Notes: - -Obvious punctuation errors repaired. - -Page 5, repeated word “to” removed from text (cares not to be seen) - -Page 7, “introducd” changed to “introduced” (are introduced to each) - -Page 15, “BNOWN” changed to “BROWN” (MISS ANNA BROWN) - -Page 19, “furture” changed to “future” (one’s future home is) - -Page 20, “seen” changed to “seem” (in her power to seem) - -Page 32, “amd” changed to “and” (Mr. and Mrs. Charles) - -Page 43, “distrub” changed to “disturb” (to disturb a hostess) - -Page 48, repeated word “the” removed from text (tables after the -playing) - -Page 53, repeated word “be” removed from text (should be issued on) - -Page 54, “maché” changed to “mâché” (papier mâché) - -Page 74, “Britian” changed to “Britain” (Great Britain it is perfectly) - -Page 83, “wating” changed to “waiting” (in waiting for the cups) - -Page 85, “consumme” changed to “consommé” (bouillon or consommé) - -Page 85, “befor” changed to “before” (upon the table before) - -Page 96, “intellegent” changed to “intelligent” (an intelligent, -ladylike woman) - -Page 98, “noticable” changed to “noticeable” (formality, more -noticeable) - -Page 100, “couse” changed to “course” (Of course one would) - -Page 104, “other” changed to “others” (to others as ye would) - -Page 113, “humam” changed to “human” (of human life, let) - -Page 116, “humilated” changed to “humiliated” (writer will be -humiliated) - -Page 121, “ean” changed to “can” (who can advise one) - -Page 124, “XII” changed to “XI” (CHAPTER XI) - -Page 126, “justisy” changed to “justify” (will justify an abrupt) - -Page 131, “christian” changed to “Christian” (by his Christian name) - -Page 134, “enteres” changed to “enters” (and, as she enters the) - -Page 136, “diliberately” changed to “deliberately” (a girl to -deliberately) - - - - - -End of Project Gutenberg's Practical Etiquette, by Cora C. 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