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diff --git a/old/50099-8.txt b/old/50099-8.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 31d38e2..0000000 --- a/old/50099-8.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,3806 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Mollentrave on Women; A comedy in three acts, by -Alfred Sutro - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: Mollentrave on Women; A comedy in three acts - A comedy in three acts - -Author: Alfred Sutro - -Release Date: September 30, 2015 [EBook #50099] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MOLLENTRAVE ON WOMEN *** - - - - -Produced by Richard Tonsing, Clarity and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -file was produced from images generously made available -by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.) - - - - - - - - MOLLENTRAVE ON WOMEN - - A Comedy in Three Acts - - - BY - - ALFRED SUTRO - - AUTHOR OF "THE WALLS OF JERICHO," "A MARRIAGE HAS - BEEN ARRANGED," "A MAKER OF MEN," "THE - GUTTER OF TIME," "A GAME OF CHESS," - "MR. STEINMANN'S CORNER," - "CARROTS." - - COPYRIGHT, 1905, BY SAMUEL FRENCH - - LONDON - SAMUEL FRENCH, LTD. - 26 SOUTHAMPTON STREET, - STRAND, LONDON. - - NEW YORK - SAMUEL FRENCH - PUBLISHER - 24 WEST 22D STREET - -_The following is a copy of the original programme_: - - ST. JAMES THEATRE - - KING STREET, S.W. - - _Monday, February 13th, 1905._ - - THIS EVENING AT 9 - - WILL BE ACTED - - MOLLENTRAVE ON WOMEN - - A New and Original Comedy in Three Acts - - BY ALFRED SUTRO. - - "I wish it to be distinctly understood that, my scientific - investigations notwithstanding, I still regard woman as an - amiable creature." - - (MOLLENTRAVE ON WOMEN: _Introduction_.) - - Mr. Mollentrave MR. ERIC LEWIS. - Sir Joseph Balsted, K.C., M.P. MR. NORMAN MCKINNEL. - Everard Swenboys MR. LESLIE FABER. - Lord Contareen MR. ROBERT HORTON. - Mr. Dexter MR. E. VIVIAN REYNOLDS. - Mr. Noyes MR. GERALD JEROME. - Peters MR. E. H. BROOKE. - Martin MR. MURRAY CARRINGTON. - Lady Claude Derenham MISS MARION TERRY. - Margaret Messilent MISS LETTICE FAIRFAX. - Miss Treable MISS NORA GREENLAW. - Mrs. Martelli MRS. KEMMIS. - - ACT I.--Study in Sir Joseph Balsted's House. - ACT II.--Drawing-room in Mr. Mollentrave's House. - ACT III.--Garden of Mr. Mollentrave's House at Swanage. - - TIME--The Present. - - - - -ACT I. - - -Time of Representation, forty minutes. - -[Illustration: Scene. - -HAND PROPS. - - Book (Mollentrave on Women). - Bag (for Noyes). - Flowers (Everard). - Photographs on Mantelpiece.] - - MOLLENTRAVE ON WOMEN. - - ACT I. - - SIR JOSEPH BALSTED'S _study, in his house in Hans - Place_. - - MISS TREABLE, MARGARET'S _companion, a faded lady of uncertain age, - is fingering the photograph on the mantelpiece_ R. MRS. MARTELLI, - _the housekeeper, a grim-faced, elderly woman, dressed in stiff - black silk, opens the door and enters_ L. 3 E. MISS TREABLE, - _absorbed in a photograph she holds in her hand, does not notice - her_. MRS. MARTELLI _coughs emphatically_. - -MISS TRE. (_coming_ C. _turning_) Oh!... Dear Mrs. Martelli, do you -know who this is? - -MRS. MAR. (C. _shortly_) Sir Joseph's sister. - -MISS TRE. What an angelic face! The outline so pure. Such heavenly -eyes. (_returns_ R. _and puts frame back_) - -MRS. MAR. (C.) She was marked with smallpox, and had a pronounced -squint. - -MISS TRE. (_disconcerted_) Ah! I have noticed these photographs before. -I have a passion for photographs. This one--? (_coming_ C.--_she takes -up another_) - -MRS. MAR. (_takes photo from_ MISS TRE.) Sir Joseph's mother. The -other ladies are his cousin, his aunt by marriage, and--me. (MISS TRE. -_goes_ R.) - -MISS TRE. (_with surprise_) You! - -MRS. MAR. (_with dignity_) My late husband, Captain Martelli, of his -Majesty's Indian army, was a friend of Sir Joseph's (C.). I trust you -find nothing remarkable in his widow's photograph reposing on Sir -Joseph's mantelpiece? - -MISS TRE. (_comes down_ R. _and sits_ R. C. _chair_) Oh, not at all, -not at all.... My father was Canon Treable--he preached before the -Queen. - -MRS. MAR. (_puts photo back_ R. _and comes down_ R. C.) So I have -frequently heard. But I admit it is a theme on which one cannot dwell -too often. None the less I consider it my duty, as Sir Joseph's -housekeeper, to inform Canon Treable's daughter that this room is, as -it were, consecrated to Sir Joseph. - - (MISS TRE. _rises and crosses_ L. _and sits on stool_.) - -And that it is his wish, his formally expressed instruction, that none -but myself should enter it. - -MISS TRE. Oh! - -MRS. MAR. (_to desk_ C.) I allow no housemaid here--I dust it myself. -Sir Joseph, in common with most legal gentlemen, is partial to dust, -but I control his partiality. So you understand--(_down_ C.) - -MISS TRE. But the Courts have risen to-day, dear Mrs. Martelli! The -Long Vacation, they call it, do they not? For nigh on three months Sir -Joseph ceases to be the brilliant advocate; Parliament is not sitting, -so the House will not hear his inspired accents-- - -MRS. MAR. My accents may be less inspired, but they rest on authority; -and I beg you to heed them. This room is private. - -MISS TRE. (_sweetly_) I can quite understand that, to the servants, it -is a sanctuary. - -MRS. MAR. To the servants, and the upper servants, Miss Treable. You -and I are both upper servants. - -MISS TRE. (_rise, indignantly_) Mrs. Martelli! This is intolerable. -I am dear Margaret's companion--(_sit on stool_ L. C.) her trusted -friend-- - -MRS. MAR. At so much per annum, paid quarterly. Sir Joseph has confided -the government of his household to me. - -MISS TRE. (_proudly_) I am not a member of your household, madam! -I take orders from Sir Joseph alone--and then they come in form of -requests! - -MRS. MAR. You compel me, therefore, to inform Sir Joseph of your -truculent attitude--and demand your dismissal. - -MISS TRE. (_rise_) Dismissal! - -MRS. MAR. It would of course be within my province to dismiss you -myself-- - -MISS TRE. (_up to her_ C.) Insolent! - -MRS. MAR. But I shall leave that disagreeable duty to Sir Joseph; and I -have no doubt that it will come, as you say, in the form of a request. -I have the honour to wish you good morning. - - (EXIT. L. 1 E.) - - (MISS TREABLE _sinks on the sofa_ R. C. _and sobs_. EVERARD _comes - in from back_ L. 3 E., _a good-looking youngster of 25_.) - -EVERARD. (R. C.) Why, Treaby, what's the matter? - -MISS TRE. (_stamping her foot_) How dare you call me Treaby! - -EVERARD. Oh, I beg your pardon--but Margaret always does. - -MISS TRE. Am I to be forever insulted in this house? First by a -wretched servant--then by a mere boy! - -EVERARD. A boy--hang it! I shall be a full-fledged doctor soon. But I -apologise--there! And Martelli's a hedgehog. Leave off sobbing (_over -back of settee_) do! - -MISS TRE. (_through her tears_) I will tell Sir Joseph he must choose -between her--and me! - -EVERARD. She's an awful Tartar--I wonder my uncle puts up with her. But -come now, dear Miss--Evangeline-- - -MISS TRE. (_coyly_) Mr. Swenboys? - -EVERARD. (_eagerly_) Did you give Margaret those verses? - -MISS TRE. I did. - -EVERARD. (_excited, away_ R. C.) Well? Well? - -MISS TRE. She--laughed. - -EVERARD. (_aghast_) Laughed! - -MISS TRE. But really--why did you steal them from Swinburne? - -EVERARD. (_comes_ C.) The devil! She spotted it? - -MISS TRE. Naturally. She adores Swinburne. - -EVERARD. I altered a word or two--I did, I swear. And of course -poetry's not in my line. But I didn't think girls were allowed to read -Swinburne! - -MISS TRE. An old-fashioned prejudice. To-day we throw open the whole -book of life. - -EVERARD. I didn't know! (_returning to back of settee_ R. C.) But--Miss -Treable--you're my friend, aren't you? You'll help me? - -MISS TRE. I am always on the side of love. - -EVERARD. Have I a chance, do you think? A millionth part of a chance? - -MISS TRE. You never speak to her! - -EVERARD. How can I? She's too--magnificent--she dazzles me! Her eyes -scorch me--I become idiotic! I can talk, as a rule, I've something to -say--but not to her, not to her! Although Martelli thinks-- - -MISS TRE. Martelli! That hateful name! Oh! - - (_Her sobs begin again._ MARGARET _enters from back_ L. 3 E.: _she - pauses shyly at seeing_ EVERARD.) - -MARGARET. (C.) Oh Everard! Have you got the flowers--the white roses? - -EVERARD. Yes, here they are. (_up_ L. C.) - -MARGARET. How good of you. (_turning to_ MISS TREABLE, _and throwing -her arms round her_) What, dearest Treaby! Crying!--(_cross_ R. C.) - -EVERARD. (_coming_ C.) Martelli has upset her. - -MARGARET. Again! Oh, the wretch! How I wish that my guardian would send -her away! (R. C.) - -EVERARD. You have only to--to--to ask! Could he--is there a man -who--who could--anything, anything, Margaret! Oh! - - _(He flies, overcome with confusion, and_ EXIT - _back_ L. 3 E.) - -MARGARET. Poor Everard! (_she gazes pensively after him for a -moment--then turns to_ MISS TREABLE _again_) Do not cry! I will speak -to Sir Joseph; he shall see that this woman makes me unhappy. - -MISS TRE. (_drying her eyes_) Dearest Margaret! - -MARGARET (_looking around--sitting chair_ C.) Oh, how my heart beats -when I find myself in his room! - -MISS TRE. He is the grandest, greatest of men-- - -MARGARET. In this morning's paper they mention his name three times. -And they've his portrait in the Sketch! - -MISS TRE. And so like him! - -MARGARET. His speech in that copyright case yesterday! His triumph! - -MISS TRE. I felt you quiver as you sat beside me-- - -MARGARET. He saw us there, I think.... As his eye swept past, I -noticed a tremble in his voice. And, after that, I felt that he was -speaking--for me! - -MISS TRE. His peroration was sublime. - -MARGARET. (_rise, down_ R. C. _and sit in chair_) It was odious of that -old man's daughter to thank him so effusively. I detest Lady Claude! - -MISS TRE. (_rising and_ R. C.) Jealous, my Margaret? They knew each -other, in the long ago. I have an idea that he once--but he has not her -photograph! I came here to see! - -MARGARET. It is not on the mantelpiece. - -MISS TRE. Nor in his desk. I looked! - -MARGARET. Oh! You should not have done that! - -MISS TRE. There is no limit to my devotion. It is true Lady Claude is -handsome. - -MARGARET. (_indignantly_) Handsome! A widow--and old! Why, she's -thirty-five, at least! - -MISS TRE. (_tartly away_ L.) My age, Margaret! - -MARGARET. (_rise and across to her_) Ah, dear Treaby, forgive me! -But--when I am here--in his room--and think of--a possible rival! (_up -to desk_ C.) Here, where he sits, and works! Every day I steal in, -and let fall a flower. I love to think of him kissing that flower, -perhaps--who knows, wearing it next his heart! If he only would speak -to me! Little girl, he calls me, then turns his eyes timidly away. -Little girl! Oh never did lover's epithet sound so sweet! - - (_Since having the flowers_ MARGARET _has been undoing - them and dropping them about the room_.) - -MISS TRE. (_sit on settee_ L.) I have seen him, when your name was -mentioned, change colour, and murmur something beneath his breath. - -MARGARET. (_sit on stool_ L.) What was it? Oh, what? - -MISS TRE. Nay, I could not catch. But Margaret, tell me--Everard has -been imploring-- - -MARGARET. (_softly_) Ah, poor Everard! It was not till you opened my -eyes, dear Treaby, that I--of course I am fond of Everard--oh, very -fond! But--can I hesitate! Between a boy--and a great man--a leader of -men! Dear Treaby, (_rise and up_ C.) I beseech you--leave me here, for -a moment! - -MISS TRE. (_rise and up_ L. C.) I go, dear child, I go--I feel that -my eyes are red--I must wash away these tears. Plead for me with your -guardian, Margaret--rid us of the hateful Martelli! - -MARGARET. (_round to_ L. C. _and embracing_ MISS TRE.) I will try--oh, -I will try! - - (MISS TREABLE _kisses her devotedly and goes_ L. 3 E. MARGARET, - _after a glance round the room, to make sure she is unobserved, - takes a rose, kisses it, and lays it on_ SIR JOSEPH'S _desk--up_ - C. R. _of desk_.) - -Speak for me, rose, and tell him of my love! Lie fondly on his heart, -dear rose! - - (SIR JOSEPH'S _voice is heard outside, talking to_ MRS. MAR. - MARGARET _starts and retreats to down_ C. SIR JOSEPH _enters - from_ R. _talking to_ MRS. MARTELLI.) - -SIR J. (R. C.) Come, come, Mrs. Martelli, she didn't mean anything! She -couldn't have, you know! (_he sees_ MARGARET) Ah, little girl, you -there? Er--er--Mrs. Martelli and I-- - -MARGARET. (C.) I go, guardian, I go! But--one word--for poor Miss -Treable. She is the only friend I have in the world! - - (_She goes out_ L. 3 E.) - -SIR J. (C.) There, you hear that? The only friend she has in the world! -Now, can I send her away? (_up to desk and sitting_) I put it to you! - -MRS. MAR. (_grimly_) Every companion Miss Messilent has had has been -her only friend. And let the lady stay by all means, Sir Joseph. (R. -C.) Only you will permit me to take my departure. - -SIR J. (_very annoyed, sitting at his desk, taking up the rose and -dropping it in the waste-paper basket_) I wish that girl wouldn't let -her confounded flowers trail all over the place! Why does she come in -here? Can't I have one room in the house to myself? - -MRS. MAR. (_picking up flowers which_ MARGARET _has dropped_) That was -precisely the cause of my altercation with Miss Treable, Sir Joseph. I -found her inspecting the photographs on the mantelpiece. - -SIR J. Confound her impudence! I'll say a word to her. We'd better keep -the door locked in future, eh? - -MRS. MAR. (R. C. _adamant_) You will have to choose, Sir Joseph, -between Miss Treable and me. - -SIR J. (_wheedling, rise and down_ R. C.) Come, come, Mrs. Martelli, -you and I have been together too long to allow a trifle like this to -part us. Besides, we're all going off in a day or two--Miss Treable may -get married in the Long Vacation-- - -MRS. M. Married--she! She'll never see forty again! - -SIR J. Won't she, though? Well, after all, that's no concern of mine. -_I_ don't want her to see forty again--for the matter of that I don't -want to see _her_ again. But she's the girl's companion--and the girl -must have a companion--and if the Treable woman goes I shall have to -find another companion. That's so, isn't it? - -MRS. MAR. (_still adamant_) Sir Joseph-- - -SIR J. And I want to be off to Scotland to-morrow! Come, come, Mrs. -Martelli-- - -MRS. MAR. Sir Joseph, that person has made use of certain expressions -to me that render further residence with her under the same roof -impossible. I regret it--for my dear husband's sake, I regret it. But -you will have to choose. - - (_She goes_ R. I. E. _with majesty_. SIR JOSEPH _is exceedingly - vexed. He pishes and pshaws, seizes his blotting pad, hurls it to - the other end of the room, then goes and fetches it--then takes - up paper_ R. _and reads, swearing softly to himself_. PETERS, - _the butler_, _enters_ L. 3 E.) - -PETERS. (_up_ L. C.) Mr. Mollentrave and Lady Claude Derenham have -called, Sir Joseph. - -SIR J. (_puts paper down eagerly_, R. C.) Ah, I'll go down. They're in -the drawing-room, I suppose? - -PETERS. (_up_ L. C.) No, Sir Joseph--Miss Messilent and Miss Treable -are playing a duet in the drawing-room-- - -SIR J. (_discontentedly_) Ah--in the library, then? - -PETERS. No, Sir Joseph--Mr. Swenboys is smoking a pipe in the library-- - -SIR J. (_furious_) Not a room in my house! Where in Heaven's name are -they? - -PETERS. In the dining-room, Sir Joseph. - -SIR J. (_stamping his foot_) The dining-room! Bring them up here, -Peters--quick! - - (PETERS _goes_ L. 3 E. SIR JOSEPH _goes to glass_ R. _and arranges - tie, etc._ PETERS _returns with_ MR. MOLLENTRAVE _and_ LADY - CLAUDE. MOLLENTRAVE _is a very old man, with masses of snow-white - hair; notwithstanding his age, he is alert and agile, with no - trace of feebleness_. LADY CLAUDE _is a beautiful and fascinating - woman_. LADY C. _enters, shakes hands with_ SIR J. C., _and gets - away_ L. C. _as_ MOLLEN. _enters_.) - -MOLLEN. (_with outstretched hands_--C.) My dear Balsted! Forgive this -intrusion. But I had to come and congratulate you again on the way you -conducted my case. You were masterly! Masterly. - -SIR J. (C.) You are very good, Mr. Mollentrave. Our copyright law is -intricate. (MOL. _crosses behind_ SIR J. _to_ R. _and undoes book_) It -was a very nice point (_he shakes hands with_ LADY CLAUDE) And you, -Lady Claude, are you pleased? - -MOLLEN. (R. C.) Need you ask, when my book was in question! Rosamund is -naturally proud of her father's work! - -LADY C. (L. C.) And I am especially glad of the opportunity the case -has given me of renewing an ancient friendship. - -SIR J. (C.) Yes--we are very old friends, you and I! You have been -abroad a long time? - -LADY C. Yes--in Italy--since my husband's death. - -SIR J. I trust you have now returned for good? - -MOLLEN. (_comes_ C. _a step_) I don't mean to part with her any more, -Balsted! Italian cypresses may set off a widow's weeds--but now, that -two years have passed! (LADY C. _sits on stool. He produces a book_) -Balsted, I have taken the liberty to bring you my book--the _casus -belli_--with an autograph inscription. (C. _he presents it with a -flourish_) Allow me to offer it to you! - -SIR J. (_taking it_) I am very much obliged. - -MOLLEN. (R. C. _rubbing his hands_) "Mollentrave on Women!" I venture -to say it is in a fair way to become a classic. - -LADY C. (_smiling_) He has given away all our secrets! - -MOLLEN. I was an observer from boyhood. Like Dante, I fell in love at -the age of nine. Unlike Dante, I made notes. In the interests of my -self-imposed study I married three times. (_by chair_ R.) In short, you -will find, between these covers, a most careful, complete investigation -on scientific principles, of the baffling, perplexing creature known to -us as WOMAN! - -LADY C. (_in smiling protest_) Papa! - -MOLLEN. (_comes_ C. _a step_) Your pardon, my child! You are, of -course, the topmost blossom of the spreading tree. You have inherited, -if I may say so, my mental energy. - -SIR J. (C. _fingering the book_) I am disappointed that Lady Claude's -photograph does not figure as frontispiece. - -MOLLEN. Ha, ha, very good! (_away_ R. _and returning_) But--in all -seriousness (_takes book_), Balsted--it is a guide, a hand-book, a -Baedeker! It conducts you personally to the most hidden recesses of -the feminine heart, opens every door, strips every cupboard! (R. C.) -No marriage license should be issued to the man who cannot pass his -examination in Mollentrave! (_Goes_ R. _to table and puts book down_) -As a result there would be cobwebs in the Divorce Court! You practise -there, by the way? - -SIR J. Heaven forbid! No--I am on the Chancery side-- - -MOLLEN. (C.) Ah--that's a pity--I should have valued expert criticism. -I am at present revising the book for its next edition--which will be -the twenty-third! - -SIR J. (C. _on his_ L.) The twenty-third? Really! - -MOLLEN. My dear sir, the work has been translated into every living -tongue. I am told there are women's clubs where it is the custom -solemnly to execrate me after dinner. In Dover Street "to be -mollentraved" has passed into the language. It means--to be found out! - -LADY C. (_rising_) Papa, we must not take up Sir Joseph's time. - -SIR J. On the contrary! And my interviews with you have been too brief, -these many years past, for me to desire to curtail them. Besides, I -find myself to-day in a position of some perplexity--and truly, should -value your advice! - -LADY C. (_archly_) Mine--or papa's? - -SIR J. Both! Please sit down. Will you listen to my tale of woe? - - (LADY C. _sits settee_ L.) - -MOLLEN. Gladly. It is the least we can do for you, after your -magnificent service. (MOL. _gets chair_ R. C. _and sits_) - - (_They sit._) - -SIR J. (_sits up_ C. _front of desk_) Well then, here goes! As you are -aware, I am unmarried. Many years ago (_he looks at_ LADY CLAUDE _who -drops her eyes_) I loved a lady, who, very wisely, preferred another. -(MOLLENTRAVE _points waggishly to the book_) Ah, Mr. Mollentrave, had I -then been able to consult your work! - -MOLLEN. I was labouring at it for twenty years before I gave it to the -world. - -SIR J. My misfortune to have been born too soon! Well, I settled down -to single blessedness, and worked hard. My existence was tranquil. -An elderly lady, widow of a man I had known, kept house for me, and -left me undisturbed. My life was all work, with an occasional game at -bridge. I had never been a ... lady's man ... the sex did not--let us -say, appreciate me--and I, while admiring them from a distance, have -avoided their closer neighborhood. - -MOLLEN. My dear friend, you have denied yourself one of the most -fruitful sources of amusement! - -SIR J. That may be, but I am constitutionally shy. And law and -politics, you see, took up all my time--I settled down--contentedly -enough, into old fogeydom. My one care was a nephew, a good lad, who -walked the hospitals and has just passed his final exam. Well, so -far all was untroubled. But now comes the catastrophe. A year ago an -old friend of mine died in Australia--a companion of my boyhood--and -bequeathed me--his daughter! - -MOLLEN. (_alert_) Ah! - -SIR J. His motherless daughter! I received her letter by the morning's -post--she came in the afternoon! A girl! Imagine it! My austere -dwelling invaded by a bouncing, flouncing girl! - -MOLLEN. (_chuckling_) Terrible! - -SIR J. It _was_ terrible. Lady Claude will excuse me-- - -LADY C. (_smiling_) Oh yes! - -SIR J. My feelings at that moment could only be expressed in camera. -There was no way out--he had appointed me her guardian--it was a -sacred trust--I could do nothing. (_rise_) She was too old to send -to school--too young to live alone. And here was I, to whom girls -are esoteric, mysterious things, of strange, uncanny ways--I, who -don't know what to say to them, how to feed them or amuse them, -I who go into no society, have no small-talk, don't dance or play -ping-pong--here was I suddenly overwhelmed by this avalanche of laces -and muslins! - -MOLLEN. Heaven sent you a full-grown daughter, without the expensive -preliminaries! - -SIR J. Let us hope Heaven meant it kindly--but there are occasions, -doubtless, when even Providence nods! Well, after a considerable -struggle with myself, I accepted the inevitable. I moved from my -comfortable bachelor's quarters, took this house, found her a -companion--who at once proceeded to quarrel with the housekeeper. I had -to dismiss her and engage another--the same story! (_sits on settee_ -L. _by_ LADY C.) In twelve months I have had five companions. To-day -another disturbance--for the sixth time I am bidden choose between -them--and I had hoped to go to Scotland to-morrow. This may all sound -very trivial--but truly I'm in despair! - -LADY C. (_laughing_) Poor Sir Joseph! - -MOLLEN. (_rise and go_ L. C. _Earnestly_) My dear child, I can enter -into our friend's feelings--this is no laughing matter!--Tell me now, -Balsted--what is she like, your ward? - -SIR J. (_puzzled_) Like? Like all other girls, I imagine. I scarcely -have looked at her. Pretty, I suppose, in a feeble kind of way. I have -said good morning and good evening, taken her to an occasional theatre, -and allowed her to prattle. She is only a child. - -MOLLEN. (_quickly_) A mistake! They _never_ are children!--How old is -she? - -SIR J. Eighteen, I believe--or nineteen, perhaps--possibly twenty. - -MOLLEN. Of the sentimental order? - -SIR J. (_laughing_) Truly, I've no idea! - -MOLLEN. At least you can tell me her taste in literature? - -SIR J. (_searching in his memory_) Literature? She reads a good -deal--though what, I've no notion. Stay, though--I remember, one night -when I couldn't sleep, taking a book of hers upstairs, and having a -superb night's rest. It was Somebody's Love-Letters. - -LADY C. The Englishwoman's? - -SIR J. Yes. That was it. - -MOLLEN. Good. Were passages marked? - -SIR J. The pages were peppered with lines and crosses. - -MOLLEN. The boards protected with a cover? - -SIR J. I rather imagine they were. - -MOLLEN. Notes scribbled on the margin? - -SIR J. I fancy so--yes, I am sure! Heaps of 'em! - -MOLLEN. Clue No. 1. Perfect. (_triumphant_) In her clothing she will -affect the darker shades? - -SIR J. (_with an effort at memory_) Er--yes-- - -MOLLEN. Fond of flowers? - -SIR J. She litters the place with them! - -MOLLEN. I have her! Devours poetry, of course? Adores Wagner? Appetite -languid, member of the Stage Society, and worships Ibsen? - -SIR J. The name's familiar--I've heard her mention it-- - -MOLLEN. Of course! My dear fellow, I haven't seen the lady--and I -prefer, as a rule, to visit the patient before pronouncing upon -her case. But here all is simple, and there is no further need of -analysis. She belongs to the large class, known as _Invertebrate -Sentimentalists_. (_away_ R. C.) - -SIR J. (_rise and go_ C.) The deuce she does! - -MOLLEN. Harmless, my dear fellow--quite harmless! Now tell me--your -nephew? - -SIR J. Yes? - -MOLLEN. Has he been here all the time? - -SIR J. The last month only--he studied in Germany. - -MOLLEN. Good. A normal, healthy lad? - -SIR J. Quite. - -MOLLEN. Age? - -SIR J. Twenty-four or twenty-five. - -MOLLEN. A little melancholy lately? - -SIR J. Ah! The fact is. I _have_ noticed-- - -MOLLEN. With the quickness of the trained advocate you have guessed -my drift! My dear sir, your troubles are at an end. To restore your -tranquillity, all you need do is to--add the ward to the nephew! - -SIR J. (_gleefully_) By Jove! I should never have thought of it! - -MOLLEN. That is where _I_ come in. You talked of a will--she has money? - -SIR J. Ten thousand pounds. - -MOLLEN. Admirable. Now listen-- - - (LADY C. _rises and goes up_ L. C.) - -MOLLEN. (_sit in chair_ R. C. _down stage_) It will take you exactly -ten minutes. You will send for your nephew--meet him coldly--wave him -to a chair. A set frown on your face. You will tell him severely you -have detected his secret, (SIR J. _sits_ C.) remarked his passion for -your ward. You will upbraid him--remember, his adoration is certain! He -will confess and beat his bosom. Then you melt--and send for the maiden. - -SIR J. (_alarmed_) I? I speak to her? Never! - -MOLLEN. In the interests of celerity! If you leave it to him he will -bungle it. He will be abject, and she tyrannical. She will say "no" -for certain, to see how he takes it. She will demand time--in short, -there will be delay. You will find all this set down in my fourteenth -chapter, called "The Cat and the Mouse." - -SIR J. (_rise and down stage_) I can't do it, Mollentrave. I shouldn't -know what to say! - -MOLLEN. (_rise, put chair back_ R.) You, the great orator! Imagine -you're addressing a jury of--girls! Wallow in sentiment--reek of -it! (R. C.) Put the boy's love--draw a pathetic picture--tears in -your voice, and so on! In a minute she'll cry, and accept him! Oh, I -guarantee the complete success of the operation! And see here--Rosy and -I are going to Swanage to-morrow--why not join us there, with the young -couple? - -SIR J. (C.) That's exceedingly good of you--I had meant to trot off to -Scotland-- - -MOLLEN. You can't--at once! Remember--they are engaged! But you can go -in a day or two, and leave them with us. The house is large. - -SIR J. Really--that is too kind-- - -MOLLEN. Copy for me, my dear fellow--They'll be under the microscope, -but they won't know. (LADY C. _comes down_ L. C.) And I'll give the boy -some wrinkles. You'll come? - -SIR J. (_turn_ L.) Does Lady Claude join in the invitation? - -LADY C. Most cordially. - -MOLLEN. So that's all settled. (_He gets up, goes to the back, and -proceeds to wrestle with his overcoat_) - -SIR J. (C. _to_ LADY CLAUDE) Though I should ask you to explain a few -points in your father's work? - - (MOLLEN., _seized by a sudden inspiration, takes book, sits on - settee, and turns down pages_ SIR J. _will have to consult_.) - -LADY C. (L. C. _merrily_) It contains an index, an appendix, and a -glossary. - -SIR J. I am very dull. If I needed help-- - -LADY C. The book will tell you how dangerous it is to invite a woman's -assistance. - -SIR J. But suppose I seek the danger? - -LADY C. There is a chapter on widows. - -SIR J. Which I shall not read. There _you_ shall be my author. - -LADY C. _My_ book is to be on man. - -SIR J. If you need a collaborator! - -LADY C. I shall ask your ward to assist--But, Sir Joseph, I thought you -could not talk to women? - -SIR J. I cannot--but there is one, all these years, to whom I have said -so much, and so often! - -LADY C. I am glad you have made an exception. Well, you know where we -live, at Swanage? - -SIR J. I have not forgotten--I have a memory.... There was an elm-tree -there-- - -LADY C. Which still remains, though it has grown older! (MOLLEN. -_bustles up_) To-morrow then? You will let us know by what train? -Good-bye--and you have my best wishes. (B. _goes up to door_ L. 3 E.) -Papa (_goes up_ L. _and_ EXIT L. 3 E.) - -MOLLEN. (_rise, round back_ C. _to_ L. C.) Yes--send us a wire! -Good-bye, my dear fellow. And remember--gallons of sentiment! - - (MOLLENTRAVE _turns to the door; as he goes_ SIR - JOSEPH _clutches him_.) - -SIR J. (_away_ R. C.) Mollentrave, I can't do it! I can't! At the mere -thought of it I feel a chill down my spine. I can't! - -MOLLEN. (_coming_ C.) Balsted! - -SIR J. Look here, why not speak to her yourself? - -MOLLEN. I? - -SIR J. Why not? It's your business, after all, this sort of thing. -(C.) You're an expert, a professional. I won your case for you -yesterday--win mine for me now! - -MOLLEN. (L. C.) But it's a delicate subject to bring before a lady one -has never met before-- - -SIR J. I'll introduce you in proper form--tell her you are my -mouthpiece--Oh, I'll make _that_ all right. And I'll be there, of -course, while you--do it-- - -MOLLEN. Naturally, if you insist-- - -SIR J. I do--You will? - -MOLLEN. Certainly--though--(_getting away_ L.) - -SIR J. (_following him to_ L.) I'm immensely grateful! I'll send for -the boy at once and talk to him. I can manage _that_ part. You'll see -Lady Claude into her carriage, walk to the corner of the street and -come back. Then, if you're right about him-- - -MOLLEN. _If_ I'm right! - -SIR J. (L. C.) You will put the other little matter before her, in your -own inimitable fashion. Eh? - -MOLLEN. (L.) I'll be back in ten minutes. - - (MOLLENTRAVE _exits_ L. 3 E. SIR JOSEPH _has rung_ - R. PETERS _comes in_ L. 3 E.) - -SIR J. (R. C.) Tell Mr. Swenboys I want him. - -PETERS. Yes, Sir Joseph. - - (PETERS _goes_ L. 3 E. SIR JOSEPH _hums cheerfully, takes up the - book, and glances at it_. EVERARD _enters_. SIR J. _frowns, - throws down book and waves him to a chair_.) - -EVERARD. (L. C.) You want me, uncle? - -SIR J. (R. C.) Yes, sit down, sit down. (EVERARD _sits on stool_ L. C.) -Oh, Everard! - - (SIR J. _sits in chair_ R. C. _down stage_.) - -EVERARD. (_wonderingly_) Why, uncle, what is it? Have I done anything? - -SIR J. Done anything, unhappy boy! (_He pauses, perplexedly, then -resumes, with melodrama_) I should never have believed it--never! - -EVERARD. (_rise and going_ C.) But, uncle, tell me-- - -SIR J. (_waving him back_) If ever a trust was sacred ... if ever a man -had a right to expect--and you--you! - -EVERARD. (C. _in absolute dismay_) Why--what-- - -SIR J. Isn't the world full of girls whom you could fall in love with? -Don't they--pullulate? Aren't there a hundred thousand more women than -men in London alone? And must you select, out of them all, the very one -whom you--shouldn't? - -EVERARD. (_sinking his head_) That wretched Treable woman has told you -about the verses! - -SIR J. Verses! You stooped to verses! - -EVERARD. (_humbly_) I cribbed them. - -SIR J. An attempt to obtain credit--under false pretences! Confess it -then, degenerate boy! You love my ward! - -EVERARD. (_drawing himself up_) Uncle, I do! With every drop of my -blood! - -SIR J. (_delighted, but simulating great grief_) Ha! It is true then! - -EVERARD. I was wrong--there is no doubt I was wrong. But could I help -it--put it that way--how could I? - -SIR J. I must decline to put it that way. - -EVERARD. (_passionately_) Why did you let me come here, and be in her -presence, day after day? How live in the same house with her, sit -opposite her at meals, and not adore? How look upon that matchless -face, listen to the sound of her voice, its silvery music (_down_ L.) -and not--fall prostrate? - -SIR J. (_making a note on his shirt-cuff_) Matchless face--silvery -music-- - -EVERARD. (_to_ R. C.) I worship her, uncle! She is the--very star and -loadstone of my existence, the-- - -SIR J. (_rise_) I see. But, tell me--have you said all this--to her? - -EVERARD. (C. _mournfully_) To her not a word! My fingers may have -pleaded, as I passed the bread and butter--my eyes may have spoken--but -my lips--never! The verses, the fatal verses, merely compared her to -the (_away_ L. C.) Capitoline Venus-- - -SIR J. (R. C.) And the Venus, I suppose, wasn't in it? - -EVERARD. (_up to him_ R. C.) Ah, uncle, don't make fun of me! I confess -my fault to you frankly--I know it was wrong--I've always known it. -Send me away, sir--I'll do what you bid me. Get me a berth in Africa -where the climate's deadliest (_sit_ C. _front of table_) I'll go -without a word--and you'll soon be rid of me! - -SIR J. (_up_ R. C.) But, my dear lad, I don't want to be rid of -you--and I'm not sure that I altogether approve of the deadly climate -scheme. All I say is-- - -EVERARD. You can say nothing to me that I have not said already -to myself--ah, many times! (_rise_) It was a presumption--a mad -presumption. Don't be too hard on me! - -SIR J. (_gravely_) Everard, I've tried to do my duty by you-- - -EVERARD. You have been more than a father to me. Be merciful, sir! - -SIR J. I will, I will. - -EVERARD. All I ask is-- - -SIR J. All _I_ ask is that we now drop heroics and descend to more -commonplace ground. Leave Olympus and return to the London pavement---- - -EVERARD. (L. C. _bewildered_) I don't understand-- - -SIR J. (R. C.) Why, after all, when one comes to think of it, there is -no especial crime in a young man falling in love with a young woman-- - -EVERARD. (_up_ R. C.) A young woman! Margaret! - -SIR J. A young goddess, then--but still, it is not unnatural. And, as I -say, I don't see-- - -EVERARD. (_springing wildly to his feet_) You don't mean that there is -a hope for me! - -SIR J. But I do, I do! I have reason to believe that she is not -altogether indifferent. - -EVERARD. (_gasping_) Uncle! - -SIR J. Has she given you no sign? - -EVERARD. (_shyly_) When we played chess last Thursday, she allowed her -hand to rest on mine for the appreciable fraction of a second-- - -SIR J. (_triumphantly_) You see! Mollentrave on Women--the text-book on -the subject--would, I am sure, interpret that as encouragement. - -EVERARD. Uncle! Don't tell me that you think--(_he rushes wildly about -the room_) - -SIR J. But I do, I do! What's more, I am convinced! Come, my boy, sit -down. (EVERARD _down_ R. _back to_ C. SIR J. _seizes him and sits him_ -R. C.) and don't pace the room like an undischarged bankrupt. (_sits_ -C.) Let us discuss the matter. - -EVERARD. Margaret to be mine! - -SIR J. Again I say, why not? I shall buy you a practice as a -wedding-present, and--as they say in the fairy-stories, you will live -happily ever after. Do you authorize me to--sound the lady? - - (EVERARD _rises and away_ R.) - - (MOLLENTRAVE _comes bustling into the room_ - L. 3 E.) - -SIR J. (_rise_ C.--_going eagerly to him and whispering into his ear_) -Splendid, Mollentrave, splendid! (_aloud_) Let me introduce my nephew, -Mr. Everard Swenboys. Everard, this is an old friend of mine--whom we -can admit to our fullest confidence. (_down_ C.) Mollentrave--my nephew -has just confessed to me that he loves my ward! - -MOLLEN. (L. C.) You don't say so! Remarkable! Really! (_up_ L. C. _puts -hat down table_ C. _and crosses to down_ R.) - -SIR J. I have your authority, Everard, to--ask the lady? - -EVERARD. (R. C.) Oh, uncle, if you would! One word from you! - -SIR J. Very well, then--send her to me! At once! - -EVERARD. (_with a look at_ MOLLENTRAVE) Now, uncle? Had we not better-- - -SIR J. Now! The court of Love is sitting! (EVERARD _crosses to_ L.) Go, -my boy--and tell her to be quick! - -EVERARD. (_shakes his uncle violently by the hand, then rushes out of -the room_ L. 3 E. SIR JOSEPH _turns to_ MOLLENTRAVE _down_ R. C. _with -enthusiasm_, C.) You're a wizard, you know! It's marvellous! Look here, -I made a note or two for you--matchless face, silvery music of her -voice--you might bring those in-- - -MOLLEN. Startingly original, aren't they? You'll find half a dozen -really _new_ superlatives in my book. So it seems I wasn't wrong, eh? -(_goes_ R. _by fireplace_) - -SIR J. (C.) Extraordinary! If only you're right about her. - -MOLLEN. We shall see. My dear friend, I have other cases on hand -besides this. (_comes_ C.) Have you met Lord Contareen? - -SIR J. No--I don't think so. - -MOLLEN. I am, shall I say, "steering" _him_. He's in love with my--with -a lady, and the lady loves him--without knowing it. (R. C.) I give you -my word she has refused him, although she adores him--merely _because_ -she doesn't know. - -SIR J. (C.) Funny! But _you_ know, eh? - -MOLLEN. _I_ know, by what I call consequential induction; and by the -same process I'll answer for your ward. By the way what will you do -while I--plead? - -SIR J. Just go and sit at my desk, eh? (_sit_ R. _of desk_ C.) - -MOLLEN. Yes--that will be best. It won't take long. I hope she'll come -soon! (_down_ R.) though! Ah-- - - (MARGARET _has come into the room_ L. 3 E.; _she goes to_ SIR - JOSEPH _and does not at first notice_ MOLLEN. _who is at back_.) - -MARGARET. (L. _of desk_ C.) You wish to speak to me, guardian? - -SIR J. (_very embarrassed_) Yes--er--yes. - -MARGARET. About Miss Treable? Oh, believe me, she is the o-- - -SIR J. (_rising down_ C. _very fidgety and awkward_) No, no, it's -not about Miss Treable. Let me introduce you to Mr. Mollentrave. -Mollentrave, this is my ward, Miss Messilent. - - (MARG. _comes down_ L. C.) - -MOLLEN. (R. C. _bowing_) I am exceedingly happy to make Miss -Messilent's acquaintance. - -SIR J. (_picking his words with considerable effort and -difficulty_) Margaret, you will possibly--consider it strange--but -the fact is--there is something--that I ought to have--said to -you--myself--before to-day perhaps (C.)--but it's a--delicate -matter--and you know what a rugged old bear I am--and--well, Everard's -not much better--and here's Mr. Mollentrave--a very old friend--and -he--well, you see, I told him of my--of our--dilemma--and he, in the -kindest way in the world--eh, Mollentrave?--well, he'll just tell you, -you see, and I'll finish--what I was doing. - - (_He beats a hasty retreat to his desk and buries himself in his - papers._ MOLLENTRAVE _advances, smiling and mincing_.) - -MOLLEN. (R. C. _very volubly_) My dear Miss Messilent, I find myself in -a rather embarrassing position. Your guardian, who as you are aware, -has, in the most charming manner possible, retained all the shyness of -youth in the presence of your adorable sex, has deputed me to speak for -him, phrase his sentiments, express his pious desires--in a word, act -as his mouthpiece in introducing to your notice a subject that I trust -will enlist all your sympathy. Have I your permission? - -MARGARET. (L. C. _her eyes roaming from him to_ SIR JOSEPH) Certainly. - - (MARG. _sits stool_ L. C. MOLLEN. _takes chair from_ - R. C. _and sits_ C.) - -MOLLEN. (_sitting_ C.) My dear young lady, the sixty years that have -passed over my head, furrowing my brow and blanching my hair, give -me at least the privilege to address you with a certain paternal -simplicity, a mild but glowing benevolence. Can you, without too great -a stretch of the imagination, look on me, for a very brief moment, as -though I were actually your guardian? - -MARGARET. (_more and more puzzled_) If you wish it. - -MOLLEN. Ten thousand thanks. You simplify my task. Because the theme on -which I have to dwell is not one that can be coldly attacked--scarred -veteran as I am, there are still feeble pulsations in my heart when I -breathe the magic word--Love! (_He looks searchingly at her_) - -MARGARET. (_startled_) Love! (_she throws a quick glance at_ SIR -JOSEPH, _who dives down deeper behind his desk_) - -MOLLEN. (_with much sentiment_) Love! I am fresh from hearing a man -tell of his love--oh, the word is too cold!--of his deep, overpowering -passion! Miss Messilent, I am still under the spell! I have been the -recipient, in my time, of many confidences--but never have I met a -creature so absolutely enslaved by the divine emotion, so eager a -captive in the chains of beauty--as is this lover--of yours! (_Both -rise_) - -MARGARET. Of mine! Mine! Me! - -MOLLEN. Who but you? Are you not--but forgive me if my advocacy becomes -too ardent! (_puts chair back_ R. _and goes up to_ R. _of_ SIR J.) It -is your guardian who should be saying these things--but I speak for -him, I am the reed into which he has blown! (MARG. _kneels on stool -and is facing_ SIR J.) It is your guardian who wishes to know whether -this man, this lover of yours (_comes_ C.) this man who yearns for -you, who for the last month has been your satellite, shining with your -radiance and dark with your darkness, who has set up a temple in his -soul whereof you are the goddess--whether this man shall be flung by -you into the shadows of hopeless misery, or be made immortal by the -knowledge that you--return--his passion! - -MARGARET. (_off stool and sitting_ L. C. _looking glowingly at_ SIR J.) -Yes! Yes! Tell him yes! - -MOLLEN. (C. _beaming_) Ha! You can accord him, then, a small fragment -of--your affection? - -MARGARET. Can he doubt it! Oh, he is so much above me! I had never -dared to hope! - -MOLLEN. (_triumphantly_) Miss Messilent, nor he, I assure you--nor he! -(_away_ R. C.) Ah, lovers, lovers! Then your guardian may tell Mr. -Swenboys-- - -MARGARET. (_sinking her head_) Ah--poor Everard! - -MOLLEN.(C. _smiling_) Poor Everard! I don't think we need pity _him_! -(_She rises_) Miss Messilent, I have fulfilled my mission, and now -I will leave you. I relinquish my paternal role with regret, with -considerable regret--and join the ranks of your other admirers. Miss -Messilent, I kiss your hand! - - (SIR J. _rises and steps forward: he is beaming with joy_. - MOLLENTRAVE _bows to her and crosses her over to his_ R. _and - goes to the door_ L. 3 E. SIR JOSEPH _rises, accompanying him_. - MARGARET _remains standing_ R. C. _as though entranced_.) - -MOLLEN. (_up_ L. _at the door, to_ SIR J.) Rather good, eh, don't you -think, for an impromptu? - -SIR J. (_up_ L. C.) Good! Magnificent! How can I thank you? - -MOLLEN. Tut, tut, I've enjoyed it. Now make her name the day while the -ecstatic mood's still on her! Good-bye! Till to-morrow! - - (MOLLENTRAVE _goes_ L. 3 E.) - - (SIR JOSEPH _returns to_ MARGARET) - -SIR J. (C. _all his awkwardness returning_) My dear--Margaret, I -am really most glad--most glad. And Everard--well, well, I need say -nothing about Everard. And now that we--know--will you regard me -as--inconsiderate--if I press for an--early--marriage? - -MARGARET. (C. _coyly_) Sir Joseph! - -SIR J. (_on her_ L.) You will have to--er--drop that title soon, my -dear and address me--er--less formally. - -MARGARET. Not yet, not yet! Give me time. - -SIR J. (_a little surprised_) Certainly, certainly--but I trust it will -not be too long. And now, one final word. My--er--guardianship will -soon be at an end--but I have tried--to--er--fulfil its duties. And I -trust that--er--er--you will never regret the--er--step--you are taking -to-day! - - (_He goes to her, cordially holding out both his hands._ MARGARET - _is about to throw herself into his arms when the door opens and_ - MRS. MARTELLI _appears_ R. 1 E. _She pauses, aghast._ MARGARET - _with a smothered cry, rushes out of the room_ L. 3 E.) - -MRS. M. Sir Joseph! (R.) - -SIR J. (C. _gleefully_) Well, Mrs. Martelli? - -MRS. M. (R. C. _standing grimly on the threshold_) I hope I do not -intrude. - -SIR J. (C.) By no means, by no means! We had finished! Ah, Mrs. -Martelli, there will soon be an end to Miss Treable! - -MRS. MAR. (_open-mouthed_) Sir Joseph! (_with suppressed indignation_) -I came to tell you that your clerk is still waiting below. - -SIR J. Noyes! Ah, I had forgotten about Noyes! Send him up, (_across -to_ R.) please. Oh, it's splendid, Mrs. Martelli--splendid! - - (MRS. MARTELLI _exits_ R. 1 E.) - - (_The door at back opens and_ EVERARD _appears_.) - -EVERARD. Uncle! - -SIR J. (C. _rushing to him, and slapping him on the back_) Everard! -It's all right! Go to her, my boy! - -EVERARD. (L. C. _gasping_) Uncle! - -SIR J. Go to her! She adores you! Unworthy, et-cetera--never dared to -look so high! Oh, you couple of idiots! Give her the classic kiss, -and get her to name the day! She has promised to make it soon. Quick, -now--she's waiting! - -EVERARD. Uncle! - - (_He rushes out wildly back_ L. 3 E. SIR JOSEPH - _returns to_ R. C. NOYES _enters_ R. 1 E.) - -SIR J. (R. C.) Ah, Noyes, I forgot about you! Here--a present. Take it -and read it! (_He hands him the book_) - -NOYES. (R. _looking at the cover_) "Mollentrave on Women." (_he stares_) - -SIR J. (R. C. _takes book away from_ NOYES) Stay though--it's an -autograph copy--you must buy one for yourself! Hurrooh! He knows a -thing or two, that old man. Well, now what news? - -NOYES. (R.) I merely called to see whether you were going to Scotland -to-morrow, Sir Joseph. - -SIR J. No--not to-morrow--I must alter my plans for a bit. Everard's -going to marry my ward, Noyes. A bit of luck, eh? We must see about -settlements, and so on. And buy the lad a practice. There are agents -for that sort of thing, eh? - -NOYES. Certainly, Sir Joseph. And permit me to congratulate you. - -SIR J. Thank you, thank you! And enquire about the practice--at once! - -NOYES. Have you any preference as regards locality? - -SIR J. H'm--a pleasant suburb--not _quite_ too near town, eh? Noyes? -One doesn't want to be _too_ close--to the felicity of the young -couple? Turtle-doves demand solitude. Oh, blessings on Mollentrave! - - (EVERARD _returns_ L. 3 E. _the picture of hopeless - despair_.) - -SIR J. (C.) Hullo, what's this? - -EVERARD. (L. C.) Uncle, she thinks you meant you! - -SIR J. (_leaping up_) What!!! - -EVERARD. She thinks you meant YOU!! That you were proposing for -yourself! She says she's engaged to--YOU! - -SIR J. (_shaking him_) Speak, can't you? What do you mean? - -EVERARD. (_brokenly_) She does. I didn't undeceive her. How could I? -_She's happy_--_she loves_ you--she'll _marry_ you! Oh! - -SIR J. Oh! Mollentrave! - - (EVER. _buries his head in his hands and sinks into settee_ L. SIR - JOSEPH _stands_ C. _shouting between his clenched teeth_--"Oh, - MOLLENTRAVE!") - - CURTAIN. - - - - -ACT II. - - -Time of Representation, twenty-five minutes. - -[Illustration: Scene.] - - ACT II. - - (_The drawing-room of_ MR. MOLLENTRAVE'S _house in Cadogan Square. - At back_ L. _door leads to an inner room_. MOLLENTRAVE _is seated - glancing over proof-sheets. Suddenly he calls_ "MR. DEXTER!" - DEXTER _enters from the inner room up_ L.) - -MOLLEN. (_Is sitting_ R. _of_ C. _table_) I have a few corrections to -make for the new edition. Have you your note-book? - -DEXTER (_enters_ L. U. E. _producing it_) Yes, sir. - -MOLLEN. Sit down, sit down. (DEXTER _sits_ L. _of_ C. _table_) By the -way, you've written that letter for me to Lord Contareen? - -DEXTER. I have it in there for you to sign, sir, with the others. - -MOLLEN. What date did I fix for his--reappearance, Dexter? - -DEXTER. (_turning up pages_) I can give you the exact sentence, -sir. (_reading_) "You have sown the seed, my dear sir, expect its -germination in about six weeks. Then I shall invite you to examine the -shoots." - -MOLLEN. Yes, that will do! that will do. Couldn't be clearer. Now, -Dexter, to return. I don't quite like the sub-title of that new chapter -on Marriage, Dexter. Read it. - -DEXTER. "The Marriage-Course. The First Lap." - -MOLLEN. Exactly. It's too concrete. And suggests other laps to follow. - -DEXTER. (_chuckling_) Yes, sir. Lapses. - -MOLLEN. (_glancing severely at him over his spectacles_) Dexter, this -is not the first time you have offended in this fashion. I beg it may -be the last. - -DEXTER. (_contritely_) Sir-- - -MOLLEN. Let me remind you that marriage was not invented merely to give -the comic man a chance. Not a word, not a word--we need say no more. -(_Rise, crosses to bookshelves_ R. _taking out book_) I want a new -sub-title--something symbolic, tasteful, and yet adapted to the gravity -of the situation. - -DEXTER. How would "stage" do, sir? - -MOLLEN. It savours of the theatre. My work has a large circulation -among Nonconformists. - -DEXTER. "Phase," sir? - -MOLLEN. (_across to_ L. _back of table_) Invariably associated with the -moon, or Napoleon. I seek a word that shall happily suggest the first -disillusions of the young couple. Stay, I have it! The "Marriage Links" -we will call it--there you have the symbol--and for sub-title:--(_down_ -L.) "The First Bunker." (MOLLENTRAVE _rubs his hands, delighted at his -invention_) - - (MARTIN _the butler enters with_ LORD CONTAREEN, - _a well-groomed, vacuous-looking man of forty_.) - -MOLLEN. The First Bunk--(_sees_ CONTAREEN _reproachfully, crossing to -up_ R. C. _front of table_) Contareen! You here! That's wrong! - - (_They shake hands_, DEXTER _rises_.) - -DEXTER. (_rising_) Shall I go now, sir? - -MOLLEN. Yes, Dexter. You understand that I take you down with me to -Swanage to-morrow? - -DEXTER. Yes, sir--certainly, good-day, sir. - -MOLLEN. Good-day to you. - - (DEXTER _goes up_ L. MOLLENTRAVE _turns to_ CONTAREEN.) - -(_Up_ R. C.) It's wrong, my dear fellow--it's wrong! To-day's -Friday--she refused you on Wednesday. Too soon! - -CONTAREEN. (_eagerly_) Mollentrave--I--(_down_ R. C.) - -MOLLEN. (_emphatically, down_ C.) I have promised that you shall marry -my daughter. I have assured you that I have no doubt whatever as to her -affection. Then why this--precipitancy? - -CONTAREEN. She refused me very decidedly. (_sits on settee_ R.) - -MOLLEN. My poor Rosamund is a widow. (_up_ L. C. _across_ C. _and down_ -R. C.) Also she has had the advantage of correcting my proof-sheets. -She has read that passion wins maids, and perseverance widows. She -follows the rule. Do the same! - -CONTAREEN. I thought-- - -MOLLEN. Every siege must be conducted on scientific principles. You -should now be back in your trenches. Digging, sir--digging! - -CONTAREEN. (_eagerly_) Look here, Lady Pentruddock has asked me down to -her place in Shropshire. - -MOLLEN. Well? - -CONTAREEN. Her sister will be there--Muriel, I mean, not Gladys. Muriel -has charm. - -MOLLEN. Granted. And then? - -CONTAREEN. Your daughter knows Lady Muriel. When she learns that I -shall be under the same roof with that fascinating person--eh? - -MOLLEN. (_to_ L. _of table_ C.) I see, I see. Well--(_he ponders_) - -CONTAREEN. If I tell Lady Claude that I--er--accept her decision -cheerfully--eh?--and inform her that I--Lady Muriel--don't you think? - -MOLLEN. (_judicially_) The idea has merit. - -CONTAREEN. (_humbly_) I got it out of the book. - -MOLLEN. Of course. That goes without saying. (_sit_ L. _of table_ C.) -Well, no harm can be done. Though a line to me, from Pentruddock Castle -would have been better. - -CONTAREEN. Perhaps. But still--I say, you're backing me up? - -MOLLEN. I'm supporting you admirably. I have repeatedly expressed my -delight at her having refused you. - -CONTAREEN. (_staggered_) I say! - -MOLLEN. I dwell with satisfaction on the prospect of not seeing you -again-- - -CONTAREEN. Look here! - -MOLLEN. And have more than once hinted at a past that is probably -strewn with forlorn Nancies and Janes-- - -CONTAREEN. (_aghast--rise_) By Jove! - -MOLLEN. "To kindle the flame of love in the feminine bosom"--I quote -from the fifteenth chapter--(_he presses the bell_) "the third party -should vehemently, and persistently, denounce the person whom he -desires to see enthroned." - -CONTAREEN. But still! - -MOLLEN. Leave it to me, my dear fellow, leave it to me! I tell you it -works like a charm! - - (CONT. _re-sits settee_ R.) - - (MARTIN _comes in_ R.) - -MOLLEN. Inform Lady Claude that Lord Contareen is here, and ask her to -be good enough to descend. - -MARTIN. Yes, sir. (_he goes_) - -MOLLEN. Now see--when Rosamund comes, I shall retire into the back room -there, and write a letter. I shall give you three minutes. Then you -take your leave. - -CONTAREEN. Quite so. Three minutes will do! - -MOLLEN. And remember--be sprightly! Not a trace of acidity! Persiflage -is good--in moderation--_Bring_ in Lady Pentruddock's sister--but don't -_drag_ her in! You understand? - -CONTAREEN. Perfectly, perfectly. Oh yes, I see. Gad, Mollentrave, I've -always done what you told me. But those Nancies and Janes, you know-- - -MOLLEN. Tut, tut, women like a dash of colour! Now mind--your visit -to-day is merely a p. p. c. card--the whistle that heralds the shunting -of the train-- - -CONTAREEN. Quite so. (_whistle_) I must remember that. - -MOLLEN. (_rise, cross to_ R. C.) Your line is delicacy. You feel it -only due to her, and so forth. Your tone must be soft, mellifluous--a -south wind rustling over orange trees. Orange trees, mark you--_not_ -cypresses! - -CONTAREEN. (_rise_) Exactly. Orange trees--_not cypresses_. I see. - -MOLLEN. (_takes_ CONT. _across_ L. C.) Take no notice of her confusion. -Be bland, respectful. Retire gracefully. (CONT. _crosses to_ L. _front -of_ MOLLEN.) A gentle pressure of the hand. No more. - -CONT. (L.) I'll do it. I'll do it! You're wonderful, Mollentrave, but I -say-- - -MOLLEN. (L. C.) H'sh! (_up_ L. C. _to top of table_) - - (LADY CLAUDE _enters_ R. _with book_) - -LADY C. (_down_ C.) How are you, Lord Contareen? - -CONTAREEN. (_down_ C.--_suddenly smitten with confusion_) I'm very -well, thank you, Lady Claude--never was better, never was better! - - (_He looks to_ MOLLENTRAVE _away_ L. _a step_) - -MOLLEN. (_up_ C. _top of table--to_ LADY CLAUDE) My dear, you will -excuse me--I have a line to write to--to--oh yes, to Balsted, of -course, about the train to-morrow. We take the 11.20--he may as well -join us. Your pardon, Contareen--I shall not be a moment. - - (LADY C. _puts book away_ R.) - - (MOLLENTRAVE _goes into the inner room_ L. U. E. - _rubbing his hands_.) - -CONTAREEN. (_disconcerted_) Balsted! the lawyer fellow! - -LADY C. (_smiling_) The great barrister--yes. He is coming to Swanage. - -CONTAREEN. The deuce he is! Old friend of yours, isn't he? - -LADY C. (_sit_ R. _of_ C. _table, sitting_) I have known him a number -of years. - -CONTAREEN. Confound it, ain't he a bachelor? (_To_ L. _of table_ C. -_from_ L.) - -LADY C. He was when I last saw him. - -CONTAREEN. And how long ago was that? - -LADY C. I should think an hour and a half. - -CONTAREEN. (_very perturbed_) (_sit_ L. _of_ C. _table_) Eh? Quite so, -quite so. No concern of mine, of course, and all that. Well, what I had -to say--the fact is that I--confound Balsted--he's put me off! - -LADY C. (_wondering_) Put you off? Off what, Lord Contareen? - -CONTAREEN. You see, I didn't know you were going to have visitors at -Swanage. - -LADY C. (_smiling_) Well, that's not unnatural, is it? We've such a -large place there! - -CONTAREEN. (_eagerly_) I suppose you wouldn't like me to-- - -LADY C. After what has occurred, perhaps-- - -CONTAREEN. (_pleading_) I've only asked you once, you know-- - -LADY C. (_emphatically_) But I do most earnestly beg you to believe -that my decision is final, and irrevocable. - -CONTAREEN. (_humbly, rise_) I don't think I made it quite clear to you -to what extent I ad-- - - (MOLLENTRAVE _coughs loudly from the inner - room_.) - -CONTAREEN. (_quickly_) To what extent I ad--ad--advocate! Funny, isn't -it! (_up stage_ C. _a step_) Besides, we're too old, and that sort of -thing-- - -LADY C. (_puzzled_) I beg your pardon-- - -CONTAREEN. (_top of table_ C.) Oh, nothing, nothing--a joke that's -all--mere persiflage! What I wanted to say was--to break it--h'm -delicately--that I was going away too--to Lady Pentruddock's, you know-- - -LADY C. Indeed? I hope you will have a most pleasant time. - -CONTAREEN. Thanks--sure to, sure to! Seems that her sister's -there--Muriel, you know, not Gladys. Fine woman, Muriel. - -LADY C. (_indifferently_) Very. - -CONTAREEN. (_artfully_) Old friend of mine--and I fancy that -she--she--you see--well, I--and I rather want to--eh, don't you think? - -LADY C. (_clapping her hands_) Admirable! Oh, I'm so glad! - -CONTAREEN. (_quickly_) Nothing done yet, of course! There still is -time-- - -LADY C. Time? - -CONTAREEN. My visit to-day is merely a kind of--whistle, you know. -'Bout ship, eh? You don't mind? - -LADY C. Mind? I! My dear Lord Contareen, I assure you-- - -CONTAREEN. You've no objection, I mean, to my going down there? - -LADY C. Far from it! Indeed, I should most strongly recommend a change -of scene. (_rise and away_ R.) - -CONTAREEN. (_cunningly, down_ L. _to_ C.) And of actors, Lady Claude, -eh, of actors? Ha, ha! I'm anxious of course, that you shouldn't think -me--(_he pauses_) - -LADY C. (_Impatiently, sit on sofa_ R.) Think you what, Lord Contareen? - -CONTAREEN. Not regard it as sudden, eh? Too abrupt and that sort of -thing? - -LADY C. On the contrary, I shall be delighted! - -CONTAREEN. (R. C. _disconcerted_) Oh! delighted! - -LADY C. I assure you! I have the greatest respect for Lady Gladys-- - -CONTAREEN. Muriel, Muriel--not Gladys-- - -LADY C. Your pardon--I should have said Lady Muriel. Let me declare to -you, most earnestly and sincerely, that you have my very best wishes -for your success. - -CONTAREEN. Of course I've said nothing yet--but once down there--weak -man, charming woman-- - -LADY C. Let us know as soon as it's settled! And I will congratulate -you, with my whole heart! Believe it, Lord Contareen! - - (MOLLENTRAVE _comes in_, L. U. E. _and goes to top - of table_ C. _with a discreet preliminary cough_.) - -CONTAREEN. (_Looks round to_ L.) Just going, Mollentrave--just going, -Lady Claude--au revoir! - -LADY C. Good-bye. And my love to Lady Muriel! - -CONTAREEN. (_up_ R. C.) Quite so, quite so. Good-bye, Mollentrave. I'm -afraid I've made an awful hash-- - -MOLLEN. (_up_ R. C. _on his_ L.) Good-bye, my dear fellow--good-bye. -(_in his ear_) She's piqued--she's piqued! Spade-work--nothing like it! -(_aloud_) Good-bye! - - (CONTAREEN _goes_ R. MOLLENTRAVE _returns to the - centre of the room, rubbing his hands_.) - -LADY C. (_very earnestly_) Papa, don't practise on me! - -MOLLEN. (_blandly_) My child? - -LADY C. There are so many specimens for you to play with! Look on me as -an exception--a freak, if you like. But _I_, at least, am not a rule of -three sum! - -MOLLEN. (_sitting on stool_ C. _patting her hand_) My dear Rosamund! - -LADY C. (_rise_) How _could_ you imagine that such an inane, idiotic -creature as that-- - -MOLLEN. It is certainly strange that he should go to Pentruddock. Your -resentment is justified. - -LADY C. (_up_ R. _and across back of table to down_ L. C. _scornfully_) -Resentment! - -MOLLEN. I shouldn't be in the least surprised if Lady Muriel secured -him! - -LADY C. Oh, she may have him, with all my heart, and all my sympathy -too! - -MOLLEN. (_slyly_) Of course, my dear, I'm aware that _you_ don't care -for him. How could you? - -LADY C. (_down_ L. _smiling in spite of herself_) You refuse to believe -me? I cannot convince you? - -MOLLEN. (_stroking her condescendingly_) My dear-- - -LADY C. (L. C.) After all that has happened! After what you have seen -of my life! And you really believe that I ever could care for this man! -That I, a creature with a heart and soul, am pigeon-holed in your book, -and bound to conform to its maxims! - -MOLLEN. (_fatuously_) On the contrary--I-- - -LADY C. (_up and down_ L. C.) Is it his title appeals to you--his -houses, his money? Years ago, I was obedient--my husband, too, had a -title--and you know how dearly I paid for it.... Weave no webs round -me! The fly has grown wary--and it has had the advantage, too, of -studying the wiles of the spider! - -MOLLEN. I quite admit, my dear, that Contareen's change of attitude is -reprehensible--very. And I have not the least doubt-- - -LADY C. (_smiling sorrowfully_) You are incorrigible! - -MOLLEN. My dear child! Since I tell you-- - -LADY C. Ah--I see that I shall have to provide you--with material for a -new chapter! - - (_She kisses him--he purrs complacently. The door opens and_ MARTIN - _ushers in_ SIR JOSEPH, _who is wildly excited_.) - -MARTIN. Sir Joseph Balsted. - -MOLLEN. (_eagerly_) Balsted! (_rise and across to_ R.) - -SIR J. (R. C.) Mollentrave,--awful--the little idiot imagined you were -proposing for me! - -MOLLEN. (_sitting_ R.) No! No! - -SIR J. She thought you meant _me_! - -MOLLEN. Balsted, how could you! Why, when I left the room she had -accepted Everard! - -SIR J. And I sent the boy to her--he comes back, pale as a -ghost--and says she's engaged--to ME! (_sit_ R. _of_ C. _table_) - - (LADY CLAUDE _up_ L. _and down_ L. _convulsed with_ - _laughter. Both men turn to her._) - -MOLLEN. (_reproachfully_) My dear Rosamund, your hilarity is misplaced. - -LADY C. (_contritely but still choking, sit_ L. _by work table_) I'm -very sorry-- - -MOLLEN. Our friend has unfortunately entangled himself in a most -serious dilemma-- - -SIR J. I! That's good! _You_ did the proposing! - -MOLLEN. You heard me--you even complimented me! - -SIR J. (_rise_) It flashed across me at the time--you never mentioned -his name! - -MOLLEN. (_with an indulgent smile_) Not mention his name! I! - -SIR J. If she had accepted Everard, would she, one moment after, have -consented to marry me? - -MOLLEN. Do not excite yourself, my dear Balsted! What happened, I see -it, was this. I dug the hole, and gave you the tree to put in. You -popped in the wrong one! - -LADY C. What happened, Sir Joseph, after you heard the news? - -SIR J. (_to_ LADY C.) I rushed on here at once. (_to_ MOLLEN.) You've -got me into this scrape--get me out! - -MOLLEN. My dear friend, my services are of course at your disposal. -But, truly, how could you? The affair was so simple! - -SIR J. Well, one thing's certain at any rate--she's not in love with -Everard-- - -MOLLEN. (_shaking his head_) That's not certain at all! - -SIR J. (_impatiently_) What! When the little fool's in love with me! - -MOLLEN. That's not proved. - -SIR J. Not proved! When she wants to marry me! - -MOLLEN. Didn't I tell you she was an invertebrate sentimentalist? You -forgot that. Had you left her undisturbed in the belief that you meant -Everard, she'd have gone to the altar with Everard. You persuaded her I -had spoken for you--she switched her love on to you. That's the case in -a nutshell. - -SIR J. Preposterous! - -MOLLEN. There you may trust my, let us say, wider experience. But tell -me, Everard! He did not undeceive her? - -SIR J. No--heroics! She loves you, he says to me--uncle, she loves you! -He seemed to take it for granted I _must_ love her! And he hoped--we'd -be happy! You'll go now--at once? - -MOLLEN. I'm willing of course. Only let us first, calmly, review the -situation. - - (SIR J. _sits_ R. _of_ C. _table_.) - -Assume that I tell your ward bluntly of her mistake--well, what's the -result? - -SIR J. That I'm free! - -MOLLEN. Yes! But at what cost! - -SIR J. Cost! What do you mean? - -MOLLEN. The situation of which you complained this afternoon will -remain, will it not? And intensified--a million times. Nay, it will -have become--impossible! - -SIR J. All this is beyond me! he turns appealingly to Lady Claude! Lady -Claude! - -LADY C. It is beyond me too, Sir Joseph--but papa knows--he is -infallible! - -MOLLEN. The girl has confessed her love for you. A love, mark you, that -does not exist, but that _my_ explanation will call into being! - -SIR J. (_pettishly_) Absurd! - -MOLLEN. But it's true! Her feeling for you, at present a mere wayward -infatuation, will at once swell into romantic passion. She'll begin to -wither-- - -SIR J. Wither? - -MOLLEN. Fade on the stalk! Refuse her food--live on poetry and tea! -Be a martyr! Then anæmia acts in. Doctors, nurses, cures--and all the -time, mind you, she's hugging an imaginary grief! - -SIR J. (_Impatiently_) But, why, in the name of Heaven-- - -MOLLEN. Heaven only knows. _I_ didn't make women--I have merely -observed them. If you don't believe me, ask Rosamund. - -LADY C. (_demurely_) Sir Joseph knows, I always agree with Papa. - -MOLLEN. (_rise and up_ R. C.) And, mark you, more, when I tell her you -meant the nephew, she at once proceeds to hate the nephew. - -SIR J. (_feebly_) Hate him! - -MOLLEN. Inevitably. - -SIR J. Lady Claude! - -LADY C. Papa means that her vanity will be piqued. - -SIR J. Vanity! - -MOLLEN. Complacently the essential ingredient of a young woman's -affections. - -LADY C. The book says she will demand an eternity to pass. - -MOLLEN. A feminine figure of speech that resolves itself into months! -But think of those months with her sighing, dying, crying! (_down_ R. -C.) - -SIR J. (_groaning_) What a catastrophe! - -MOLLEN. (_up_ R. _of_ SIR J.) You're sure--quite sure--you won't marry -her? - -SIR J. (_angrily_) Mollentrave! (_rising_) If _this_ is all the help -you can give me-- - -MOLLEN. (_forcing him back in his chair_) Alternatives! I merely -suggest alternatives! You don't marry--that's settled, agreed. But I -see no reason why you should not be--engaged! - -SIR J. (_rising_, MOLLEN. _sits him again_) Engaged! You're mad! - -MOLLEN. (_round back of_ C. _table_) Secret engagement! You tell -her--paternal again--you give her a month to reflect. Secrecy all -round--except us. You bound--she free. - -SIR J. How does that help me? - -MOLLEN. Follow me closely. (_to_ L. _of table_ C.) During that month -you become--senile. - -SIR J. Senile! Why, hang it, I'm only forty-five! - -MOLLEN. And she's nineteen! Strip off your limelight--to her you're -Methuselah! (_sitting_ L. _of_ C. _table_.) - -SIR J. (_protesting_) I-- - -MOLLEN. (_breaking in impetuously_) My dear friend, you don't really -imagine that she loves _you_? Whatever's real in her loves Everard--or -any other good-looking young fellow of his age whom she chances to -meet. What she admires in you is your talent, your position, your -power. Very well, take them off! - -SIR J. (_blankly_) How can I? - -MOLLEN. I've told you--be senile. Fidgety, crotchety--sensitive to -draughts--dyspeptic--adore your food. Flannel nightcap--false teeth-- - -SIR J. (_indignantly rising_) I haven't! - -MOLLEN. _Imagine_ you have. - - (SIR J. _re-sits_.) - -Speak of them often! Boil your milk! Retire at nine, have your paper -warmed. Tell her you mean to resign the House, give up the Bar, -live in the country, ten miles from a station, and write a book on -Constitutional Law! - -SIR J. All that, eh? - -MOLLEN. And dictate to her five hours a day! Find fault with her -spelling--be always finding fault! - -SIR J. Lively for both of us! But look here--seeing that she has lived -with me for a year, and I _haven't_ been senile-- - -MOLLEN. (_with a petulant gesture_) Tut, tut, tut! Hitherto, you've -concealed your--little ailments! But, now that you've won her, are sure -of her, you show yourself--as you are! (_rise_) Oh, it's simple enough! -And so much for frontal attack. (_a step_) As for skirmishes, we'll ask -Rosamund to be good enough to flirt with the nephew-- - -SIR J. (_turning to her_) To flirt--you? - -LADY C. (_merrily_) The poor boy will need consolation. And if I can be -of service-- - -MOLLEN. (_up to_ L. _of table_ C. _with a flourish_) Within two days -she has the boy at her feet! Then your bride becomes jealous. Your -tyranny offends her--she begins to see you are old. Romance drops -off like paper from a damp wall. Everard's coolness piqued her--she -proceeds to discover that she loves Everard. You in dressing gown and -slippers--he young Greek god. And, after a month's steady digging--we -arrive--at--the real girl! - -SIR J. A month.... - -MOLLEN. May be less, may be less! Finally, explanation--you discover -her in tears--you play the noble Roman, release her unconditionally, -Rosamund sends Everard to her--you join their hands. Slow music. -Curtain. See? - -SIR J. (_rise and down_ R.) I don't like the idea of an engagement, -even though it be secret. But look here--if I did this--how about -Everard? What should I say to him? - -MOLLEN. (_to bottom of_ C. _table_) Let him believe--as he already -believes--that you admire what's-her-name--but mention the month's -probation. Hint darkly at possibility of happy ending. (_to_ R. C. L. -_of_ SIR J.) Bring Everard down to Swanage--I answer for the rest! - -SIR J. (_hesitating_) It sounds plausible--though it's a fearful -undertaking! But, before deciding, I should like a word with Lady -Claude. Will you allow me? - -MOLLEN. Certainly, certainly. I'll smoke a cigarette down-stairs--my -habit, before dressing. (_cross up_ R.) You'll find habits useful by -the way--I've one or two that I'll tell you. I'll see you before you go! - - (_He retires cheerfully humming a tune_, R.) - -SIR J. (_to_ L. C.) Lady Claude, I've asked for this because--I -scarcely know where I am, or what I'm saying! Your father rattles -on--he seems convincing--he may be right--but my instinct tells me -that, in this fearful muddle, _you_ are the surer guide! - -LADY C. I? - -SIR. J. You! If I spoke rather cynically this afternoon--if I have -grown to think rather hardly of women--remember that there was one whom -I--loved--and she--wouldn't have me! - - (LADY CLAUDE _makes a gesture_.) - -Oh, don't be alarmed--I won't drag up the past. No doubt, then, I was -merely a wild, impetuous youngster, like my poor Everard to-day. But--I -have not forgotten--how deeply I--felt it.... And here I seem, through -my carelessness, to have created sorrow for two young lives.... I'm a -selfish man, of course--I've shown it plainly enough!--but still I've -tried--honestly tried--to do my duty--by both of them.... Now I am -urged to play an odious comedy--for it _is_ odious, is it not? - -LADY C. Deception can never be pleasant.... You have all my sympathy. - -SIR J. I need it, I need it! Women, after all, are an unknown quantity -to me. Your father has compiled a series of tables, has dissected and -analysed--he may be right, I don't know--but I want _you_ to guide me! -You, and you only! - -LADY C. (_gently_) What can I tell you? (_rise and cross_ C. _and -sitting on stool_) - -SIR J. (L. C.) In the first place, this. Is it not rather my duty -promptly to undeceive the girl, at any cost? Have I the right to--play -with her affections? - -LADY C. (_hesitating_) Sir Joseph-- - -SIR J. Remember, I loved her father. He entrusted his daughter to me, -his old friend.... To-day, when I think of him! - -LADY C. You want my honest opinion? - -SIR J. I do. - -LADY C. Then what I have to say is said in a very few words. One should -not trifle with the heart of a girl! - -SIR J. What am I to do? - -LADY C. It is you, and you only, who can decide. - -SIR J. Tell me what you think! - -LADY C. The poor child has probably long adored you in secret. She will -have read sentiment into your very least words-- - -SIR J. (_with sudden recollection_) Ha! the flowers on my table, day -after day! - -LADY C. Laid there by her each morning, fondly, tenderly-- - -SIR J. Advise me! I will follow you, blindly! - -LADY C. Do what is kindest! - -SIR J. If I undeceive her--the picture your father has drawn--and your -father understands women-- - -LADY C. What he says may be true of ninety-nine out of a hundred--there -is always the hundredth. - -SIR J. The hundredth--yes--I don't know--I know her so little! The -disillusioning process _might_ be effective? - -LADY C. It might. One cannot tell. - -SIR J. (_eagerly_) Then shall I do it? Shall I? - -LADY C. You must know best. - -SIR J. (_with deep feeling_) Rosamund, I am appealing to you--for your -help! - -LADY C. (_very earnestly, rise_) Then, no! I would do the honest, -the straightforward thing!... Go to her yourself, tell her--of the -mistake--but oh, so softly, so gently, (C.) that her poor little heart -shall rest itself upon yours, and not feel--too ashamed! Point out -how unwise it would be! Be so full of pity that the wound ... shall -be scarcely a bruise.... Be so tender, so human, that her poor little -tears shall freshen her heart, and not scald it.... And let there be -tears in your heart too--and no trace of--laughter.... There! That is -my advice. But I may be wrong.... - -SIR J. No, you are right--I feel it! I go at once. (_round back of -table to up_ R. C.) You will tell your father. (_coming down_ C. _to_ -R. _of_ LADY C.) And, my dear friend, my very dear friend, I--thank you! - - (_He takes her hand, which she allows for a moment to rest in his. - Suddenly_ MOLLENTRAVE'S _voice is heard outside_. SIR JOSEPH - _falls back_. _The door opens and_ MOLLENTRAVE ENTERS, _perking - and smiling, followed by_ MARGARET.) - -SIR J. (_away_ R. _aghast_) Margaret! - -MOLLEN. (_very volubly_ R. C.) My dear fellow, Miss Messilent has had -the charming idea to come here and fetch you. Miss Messilent, let me -introduce you to my daughter, Lady Claude Derenham. An admirer of your -fiancé--like us all! - -SIR J. (R. _blankly_) Oh! - -MARG. (C. _shyly_) Peters told me where you had gone--I thought-- - -MOLLEN. (R. C. _beaming_) Sweet of you! Balsted, I've told the young -lady how immensely pleased we all are! And how lucky we think you, at -your time of life, to have secured so lovely a bride! - -SIR J. (_clearing his throat_) I--er--I-- - -MOLLEN. My dear Balsted, I am sure I am not speaking my opinion alone -when I say that never did--November--find so delicious a May! When is -the wedding to be? - -SIR J. (_away_ R. _savagely, beneath his breath_) Wedding, wedding-- - -MARG. (_sitting on stool_ C. LADY C. _sits_ L. _of_ C. _table--coyly_) -He made me promise it would be soon-- - -MOLLEN. (_chuckling_) Ah, he did, did he? At our age, you see, a man's -in a hurry--eh, Balsted? Well, you're all coming with us to Swanage -to-morrow-- - -MARG. (_surprised_) Swanage? - -MOLLEN. Yes--we've arranged with Sir Joseph. He didn't tell you? -Very remiss, of course--very remiss. He's a trifle dictatorial, I'm -afraid--but you mustn't mind that--you mustn't mind that! - -SIR J. (_trying in vain to get hold of_ MOLLENTRAVE) Mollentrave, I -want-- - - (SIR J. _goes up_ R. _to_ L. _of_ LADY C., _who rises_) - -MOLLEN. (_to_ MARGARET) When you marry a distinguished--and _elderly_ -man, my dear, you must of course put up with a few little drawbacks. -May must be content with November's--ivy! Eh? - -MARG. (_rising and away_ R. _to sofa and sitting_) Oh, but he's not so -very elderly-- - -MOLLEN. (_following her to_ R.) Oh no, I married a much older last -week! I'll show you his photograph. (_shows photograph_) - - (_He draws close to_ MARGARET _and whispers merrily - to her_, SIR JOSEPH _goes to_ LADY CLAUDE.) - -SIR J. (L.) He has done it! I can't retreat now! It's impossible! - -LADY C. (L. C.) No--I'm afraid. - -SIR J. (_Both go up_ L. C.) (_wildly_) Oh, that father of yours! Well, -there it is--we must start--disillusioning! Senile!--ha! and the rest! -There's nothing else for it! You'll help me? - -LADY C. Of course I'll do what I can! - -MARG. (_rising_) Joseph! - - (SIR J. _crosses to_ R.) - -MARG. (_Up_ R. C. _holding_ SIR J.'S _arm, he is on her_ L. _She turns -to_ LADY CLAUDE) Good-bye, Lady Claude, I need (_up_ R. C.) scarcely -say my husband's friends will be mine. - -(MOLLEN. _goes up_ R. _to open double doors_.) - -SIR J. (_up_ R. C. _groaning_) Husband! - -MARG. Good-bye, Mr. Mollentrave--(_sweetly_) Come, Joseph! - -SIR J. Oh!!! - - (_They_ EXIT R.) - - (_She passes her arm beamingly through his and walks him off._ - MOLLENTRAVE _turns smiling to_ LADY CLAUDE _and rubs his hands_.) - -CURTAIN. - - - - -ACT III. - - -Time of Representation, thirty-five minutes. - -[Illustration: PROPERTIES USED. - - Neck wrap. - Basket (containing) sweets, jelly and scarf. - _Times_ paper. - Telegram and telegram form.] - - ACT III. - - _The garden of_ MR. MOLLENTRAVE'S _house in Swanage. A low fence - runs at back, with a thick hedge; behind is the sea, to which - a winding path leads, down the rock. There are alleys running - to right and left._ MISS TREABLE _is seated on the tree_ L. C. - _with_ DEXTER _standing before her. A week has elapsed since the - last Act._ - -DEXTER. (C.) Yes, Miss Treable, he is a great man--a very great man! -His powers of insight are most extraordinary! I trust you do not resent -his--as it were--stripping off the pigment and exposing the unvarnished -canvas? - -MISS TRE. (_is sitting_ R. _tree trunk, haughtily_) I have no doubt -that what Mr. Mollentrave says may be true of _some_ women--but -certainly not of ME! - -DEXTER. (_bowing_) You are naturally an exception. His remarks must be -taken as applying generally to the sex. (_down_ L. C.) - -MISS TRE. Regarded from _that_ point of view-- - -DEXTER. (_up_ C.) Ah, Miss Treable, in my own humble life I have -derived the greatest benefit from Mr. Mollentrave's teaching! And like -all geniuses--he is so modest! One of his most brilliant aphorisms -was--I say it with pride--inspired by me. - -MISS TRE. (_indifferent_) Indeed? - -DEXTER. (R. C. _resting on_ L. _tree trunk_) I assure you. You must -know that my wife has a large circle of relations. I will confess -to you that I somewhat resented their constant interference in our -affairs. I mentioned the matter to Mr. Mollentrave. Without a moment's -hesitation that remarkable man dictated the line: "Marital happiness -begins when the wife's relations--leave off!" - -MISS TRE. (_sarcastic_) Profound. Very. - -DEXTER. (_sit on_ L. _trunk_) He has permitted me to compile a little -volume of extracts, "The Mollentrave Birthday Book"--one coruscation -for every day of the year. A good idea, is it not? (_rising_) - -MISS TRE. (_rising_) Admirable! But I doubt whether many women will buy -the book. (_down_ R.) - -DEXTER. (_moving off_) If all those who consider themselves exceptions -purchase it, Miss Treable, I shall be perfectly satisfied. (_goes up_ -C.) - - (_He goes through the gate._ SIR JOSEPH _comes stealthily along - looking worried and haggard_ R. 3 E.) - -MISS TRE. (R. C. _brightly_) Good morning, Sir Joseph. - -SIR J. (C.) Good morning. I had hoped to find Mr. Mollentrave here. Do -you happen to know-- - -MISS TRE. Would you wish me to tell him? - -SIR J. I should be much obliged. - - (_Miss Treable exits_ R. 3 E.) - - (SIR JOSEPH _throws himself on the grass_ L. _and plucks savagely - at it, muttering to himself. After a moment_ MARGARET _comes - running from the house_ R. 3 E., _looks round, and gives a glad cry - as she sees_ SIR J. _The cry becomes reproachful when she finds he - is lying on the grass. She carries a small basket in her hand._) - -MARG. Oh, Joseph, dear Joseph, how could you! Lying on the grass! -(_puts basket down_ R. C. _and helps_ SIR J. _to rise_.) - -SIR J. (L.) (_getting up. Miserably_) H'm I-- - -MARG. (L. C.) Wicked man! With your rheumatism! And no muffler! I -found it in the hall! Oh, naughty, naughty! (_she produces it from the -basket_) Here it is, sir! Put it on at once! (_puts muffler round him_) -(_taking him to_ R. C.) (_he sits_ R. _trunk of tree_) And it's twelve -o'clock! I've brought your essence--here--and a spoon. (_she produces -them from the basket and feeds him_) What would you do without me? - -SIR J. Impossible to conceive! - -MARG. (SHE SITS ON HIS L.) Take it, sir! (_he laps it up piteously_) -To think of you all these years, having to look after yourself, and -hide, because he wouldn't let his little girl see how ill he was! Oh, -poor, poor! (_she feeds him a second time and wipes his mouth with the -muffler_) But she'll take care of him now! Only wasn't it wicked of you -to slip off like that? You had only dictated for an hour and a half! - -SIR J. I thought you were tired! - -MARG. (_with enthusiasm_) Tired! I could go on forever! It's immensely -interesting--fascinating. Oh, how wonderful you are! - -SIR J. (_clearing his throat_) H'm--I-- - -MARG. Constitutional Law, one would think would be a dry subject. To me -it's a fairy tale. - -SIR J. Er-- - -MARG. Perhaps because _you_ are speaking! You! Nouns and adjectives -cease to be parts of speech--they become parts of--you! - -SIR J. (_with a great effort_) I have frequently had occasion -to remark to you, Margaret, that I have a great distaste for -sentimentality. I have explained to you--the month of probation-- - -MARG. One week has expired. Has it been a week? Can the days have flown -so quickly? - -SIR J. They have evidently contrived to. Although-- - -MARG. (_rise, up_ C.) See how the sun is shining--how radiant the water -is--and the sky! The dancing sunlight! Oh, what does it say to you, the -sunlight! (_down_ R. C. _to_ SIR J.) - -SIR J. (_impatiently_) It says to me that it's very hot--and that we're -talking nonsense. - -MARG. Oh, let us, for once! I've been so good!--Joseph, you coughed! -You must take a lozenge. (_she produces a box from the basket_) You -must! Mr. Mollentrave says that you have the beginnings of asthma. - - (_She opens the box, takes out a lozenge, and forces it between his - lips. He swallows it, pathetically._) - -Miss Treable and I are practising first aid, in case you should fall -down-- - -SIR J. (_savagely_) And why in the name of goodness should I fall down? - -MARG. Mr. Mollentrave told me that your limbs are rather unsteady-- - -SIR J. (_clenching his fists_) Ah, Mollentrave, Mollentrave!! - -MARG. (_kneeling on his_ L. _She puts his arm on her shoulders, -fondly_) But have no fear, dear one! You shall lean on me--I shall -be your crutch, your support! Oh, the thought of us two in our -cottage--just you and I! I dream of it! - -SIR J. (_growling, taking arm away_) No dances--no theatres--not even a -visitor-- - -MARG. Shall I want any of these--when I have--you! You, who have -given up all--for my sake--for me! - -SIR J. (_fidgeting_) H'm--but still--I fancy you'll find it dull-- - -MARGARET. I? Never! You don't know me yet--not altogether, I mean. Oh, -if you would let me speak to you--about myself-- - -SIR J. (_rise and cross_ C., _throwing lozenge away--fretfully_) That -theme is barred--by consent. Don't you think you had better go back to -the house? Unless you would like to bathe? - -MARGARET. (_rise, firmly_) No--you do not bathe--I shall not either. No -pleasure in which _you_ cannot join, can henceforth be a pleasure to me! - -SIR J. (_turning up stage--groaning_) Come--we'll go back to Law! (_he -rises_) - -MARGARET. Yes, yes--let us! But stay--I have a word to say to you-- - -SIR J. More words? - -MARGARET. Not of myself this time--nor of you--but of--Everard! - -SIR J. (_with a gleam of hope_) Everard! - -MARGARET. (_reproachfully_) Oh, Joseph, my own Joseph, what a -suspicion! Could you imagine! Oh! - -SIR J. (_groaning again_) He is more of your age--I thought--I told you -I should not blame you-- - -MARGARET. Never dare to hint at such a thing again! I regard him--it -is my duty to regard him--with the serene, but affectionate eyes, of -an--aunt, (_sit_ R. C.) - -SIR J. (C.) Aunt! - -MARGARET. And--I confess--it grieves me--to see him--so much taken up -with--Lady Claude. - -SIR J. (_eagerly_) Ah, you have noticed-- - -MARGARET. Day after day he is with her--with her all the time. She--ah, -Joseph, you may not have observed it--but women have quick eyes! Lady -Claude was a friend of yours once, I know--but she is a designing woman! - -SIR J. (_angrily_) I say! Look here! - -MARGARET. Oh, I mean nothing unkind. Women of that age--she is _at -least_ thirty-five--naturally crave to be--admired. And it is perfectly -plain to me that she--is drawing Everard on. - -SIR J. (_grimly_) Really! - -MARGARET. She flirts with him outrageously! She won't let him out of -her sight! I've been looking forward to finding him a wife--you and I -together--some girl who would make him happy.... But Lady Claude! - -SIR J. (_cunningly_) Everard certainly seems to admire her-- - -MARGARET. Is it not incomprehensible! She's so old. - -SIR J. H'm, if it's the disproportion of age that shocks you, think of -us! I--fifty--and you nineteen! - -MARGARET. (_rise, and up to him_) My love shall twine round you so -softly that we shall divide my youth--shall share it. And, in the days -to come, we shall ask--which one is old--Joseph--or Margaret? - -SIR J. (_sulkily_) Conundrums of that kind will be useful, on winter -evenings, with the wind howling down the chimney, and the rain coming -through the roof--(_turn away_ L.) - -MARGARET. (_getting on_ SIR J.'S L.) There can be no wind when you are -near me, and no rain can come through the roof of our love! - -SIR J. (_throwing up his hands in despair_) Oh, no more at present, -please! - -MARGARET. (_laying a hand on his arm_) You'll speak to Everard? - -SIR J. Why on earth should I? - -MARGARET. Joseph! Shall we let the poor boy throw himself away on-- - -SIR J. (R. C. _laughing hysterically_) Ha, ha! Oh, that's very good! -Throw himself away on--Lady Claude! - -MARGARET. (C.) (_offended_) You think it's impossible? But I tell you -I've seen-- - -SIR J. My child, we've talked nonsense enough for one morning. Let's -go. (_takes her hand and is about to lead her away_ R. MOLLENTRAVE -_comes in breezily up_ L. C.) Ah, there's Mollentrave. I must have -a word with him. Run on to the house--I'll follow. (_giving her the -basket_) - -MARGARET. (_fondly_ R.) Come soon, dear one--come soon. When my eyes do -not rest on you they grow tired with waiting! - -SIR J. (R. C.) Please go, there's a good girl! - - (MARGARET _departs regretfully_ R. 3 E. MOLLENTRAVE _has been - coming from the other side. He wears his usual air of supreme - satisfaction_) - -MOLLEN. (_up_ L. C.) You want me, Balsted? All going well? - -SIR J. (_savagely_ R. C. _takes muffler off_) Oh, wonderfully well. The -way we're progressing is extraordinary--very! - -MOLLEN. (_his head on one side_) The trained observer would almost -detect a suspicion of--satire. - -SIR J. Satire! Heaven forbid! It's true that the girl grows fonder and -fonder-- - -MOLLEN. She has only tasted the jam so far--but the powder's working! - -SIR J. She Josephs me from morning till night! She'll be calling me -Joey soon. (_down_ R. C.) - -MOLLEN. (C.) No, no, Balsted! I should _not_ encourage her in the use -of the diminutive! - -SIR J. (_savagely_) Gurrh! Look here, Mollentrave-- - -MOLLEN. Impatient person! I said a month, did I not? So far but a week -has passed--(MOLLENTRAVE _sits_ L. C.) - -SIR J. (_sit_ R. C.) Another week will drive me crazy. I dictate law to -her--the dullest stuff I can find--I tell you she likes it, she never -wants me to stop! - -MOLLEN. You will forgive me, my dear Balsted--but have we been -quite--senile--enough? - -SIR J. Senile! Have I been senile? Haven't I simulated aches and pains, -and congenital insanity, till I simply detest myself? Man, she loves me -the more for it! - -MOLLEN. (_airily_) Merely the first stage, Balsted! Peeling! - -SIR J. I can't go on--I tell you I can't! The fact is, Mollentrave, -that you've been hopelessly wrong. - -MOLLEN. (_emphatically_) Events are following exactly the path that -I had marked out; they are, with unerring precision, pursuing to a -hairs-breadth the line I had indicated in my mind. - -SIR J. (_sarcastic_) Indeed! Then perhaps you'll explain-- - -MOLLEN. My dear Balsted, believe that I make not the slightest -reflection upon your intelligence when I remark that a general's plans -are rarely comprehensible to his subalterns. - -SIR J. (_pettishly_) This is not a case-- - -MOLLEN. (_rise and go_ C.) Pardon me, but it is. If I may borrow an -analogy from your legal jargon, I am the leader here, and you the -junior. Is that not so? - -SIR J. I have made up my mind. I shall tell her the truth. - -MOLLEN. Do--and they'll drag up her body on Swanage beach to-morrow. - -SIR J. Absurd! - -MOLLEN. Let that sentimental girl realize that she has been -fooled--she'll take her life. That's certain. And as her hair's long -she'll choose the sea. (_away_ L. _and up_ L. C.) - -SIR J. Unfortunately I've lost my faith in you, Mollentrave. - -MOLLEN. (_shrugging his shoulders_) That, of course, is a pity. - -SIR J. Am I not justified? See your great scheme about Everard! She -isn't jealous at all. - -MOLLEN. Has she spoken about him? - -SIR J. Yes--she wants to find him a wife. - -MOLLEN. And not a word about Rosamund? - -SIR J. She thinks Lady Claude flirts with him, and doesn't seem to like -it. But, beyond that-- - -MOLLEN. (_triumphantly_) Beyond that! And you complain! Balsted, that's -love! The real girl creeping up, through the cotton wool! My dear -fellow! Couldn't be better! It couldn't indeed! - -SIR J. I don't know--she didn't speak like that at all. And the boy has -been odd--he avoids me--he doesn't address one word to Margaret-- - -MOLLEN. (_with emphasis_) The boy follows the rule! He nurses his -passion. Rosamund consoles him--she always talks about Margaret! What -more do you want? And the girl thinks they flirt! He watches her -hungrily--oh, I've observed it!--he waits for his hour. You'll see. - -SIR J. (_with a gleam of hope_) You really think that? You really think -that? - -MOLLEN. (_sits on_ JOSEPH'S L.) I give you my word I never believed -matters _could_ be so far advanced. - -SIR J. Then perhaps I had better go on? - -MOLLEN. (_rise._ SIR J. _rises_) Would you turn back, with the harbour -lights in sight? Look here, I'll knock off a fortnight! I ask for one -week more--just one week! And before that's out you'll have them both -on their knees to you. - - (LADY CLAUDE _comes in_ R. 3 E. _and crosses_ L. C.) - -Rosamund, Rosamund! Balsted has been complaining--losing heart! Tell us -about Everard! He's always talking of Margaret? - -LADY C. (_up_ C. _sadly_) Always, always! For hours at a time. - -MOLLEN. (_up_ R. C. _turning triumphantly to_ SIR J.) Balsted! - -LADY C. (_plaintively_) She's a very sweet girl, and I'm fond of -her--but--the subject's beginning to pall! - -(MARGARET _off cries_ "_Joseph_") - -MOLLEN. She's calling you, Balsted. - -SIR J. (_down_ R. _sulkily_) Let her call. - -(MARGARET _off louder_ "_Joseph! Joseph!_") - -MOLLEN. You must go to her, Balsted! Play the game. One week more-- - -SIR J. I'd rather spend it in gaol, picking oakum. (MARGARET _off_, -"_Joseph!_ JOSEPH!!") Oh, Mollentrave, if it were not for your -daughter, how I'd wish that I never had met you! - - (_He goes--miserably_--R. 3 E.) - -MOLLEN. (_coming down_ R. _shaking his head_) And that man, Rosamund, -is one of our most eminent lawyers! - -LADY C. (_down_ R. C.) Papa, I must tell you--it's strange--though -Everard and I talk of nothing but Margaret every day, from two till -seven-- - -MOLLEN. Well? - -LADY C. (_pathetically_) Think of it! From two till seven--every day! - -MOLLEN. Science must have its martyrs! Tell yourself that you're -watching human love wriggle--under the microscope! - -LADY C. Though he recounts, with minutest detail, every word she has -spoken to him since they first met--what she said, what he said, how -she looked, what she wore, the gestures she made--still, and for all -that, I have a feeling at times, a kind of idea-- - -MOLLEN. (_waving his arm_) My child, you know my opinion of feminine -intuition! In my book I class it under the head of popular fallacies. -(_with a change of voice, and sudden energy_) Rosamund, I imagine the -moment to be almost ripe for my grand coup! (_takes_ LADY CLAUDE'S -_hands and sits her_ R. C. _on his_ L.) - -LADY C. What will you do? - -MOLLEN. (_sitting_ R.) I shall now proceed to work on the clay. I will -provoke Everard to frenzy. - -LADY C. How? - -MOLLEN. He knows of course of the month of probation--he builds on -that. To-day he shall learn that Balsted proposes, at the earliest -possible moment, to lead Margaret to the altar! - -LADY C. (_doubtfully_) You will tell him that? - -MOLLEN. I will. And the result? A scene between the two young people -before which the most passionate episodes of Romeo and Juliet pale into -insignificance! For I shall also tell Margaret that _you_ have fallen -desperately in love with Everard! - -LADY C. (_protesting_) Papa! You will never say that! - -MOLLEN. Discreetly--by nods and jerks--oh, you may trust me! And there -ensues--in chemical parlance--a liberation of two gases--that meet--and -explode! - -LADY C. (_rise, up_ C.) Oh, I hope that they'll explode soon! See, -there he is--under the trees! He is waiting. - -MOLLEN. (_rise and up_ R.) Let him come--I will leave you. Prepare him, -Rosamund--pave the way--lay down the stones--then I shall come--the -steam roller! I have every confidence in you, my child. - - (_He skips off nimbly_ R. 3 E.--_after an instant_ - EVERARD _comes in_ L. 3 E.) - -LADY C. (C.) Ah, Everard--my father has just left me--we were talking -of Margaret. - -EVERARD. (C. _on her_ L.) (_indifferently_) Ah? - -LADY C. The sweet girl! How beautiful she looks to-day! - -EVERARD. She has a certain prettiness-- - -LADY C. Oh, Everard, her eyes! I don't think I ever have seen such -eyes! One moment so tender--another so deep and glowing-- - -EVERARD. As your father says, Lady Claude, those qualities are common -to the optic organs of all mammals. And--let me ask you--_why_ will you -always speak about Margaret? - -LADY C. Because I admire her so much! She has youth--ah, youth! (_sit_ -R. C.) And besides, dear Everard, it seems to me that Margaret has been -a favourite topic--with us both! - -EVERARD. (_sit_ R. C. _on her_ L.) To-day at least I decline to talk of -her--but of you--only of you. - -LADY C. There is nothing to say of me, dear Everard. I--was. Among you -young people I seem to move like a--tradition. Margaret says the things -I used to say--she dreams my dead dreams. And I am fond of her--because -I see in her--my old self. - -EVERARD. (_eagerly_) That self has not suffered--time only has mellowed -it--wisdom has crowned it-- - -LADY C. (_cheerfully_) You must not waste those pretty speeches on -me! And tell me, why this affected indifference? Do I not know how -passionately you adore her? - -EVERARD. (_rising_) Lady Claude, I will confess to you, frankly and -honestly, there _was_ a time when I believed I loved Margaret-- - -LADY C. (_staring_) When you believed--! - -EVERARD. As your father observes--quoting Tolstoy, I think--I was -attracted by a well-fitting jersey and a pair of Paris shoes. - -LADY C. Everard! - -EVERARD. But it was, I need scarcely say, the merest infatuation-- - -LADY C. What!!! - -EVERARD. Could it have been other--since now I am conscious--how -wholeheartedly I love--you! - -LADY C. (_wildly_) Me! You love me! - -EVERARD. You. My feeling for Margaret was immature sex-attraction. -At your feet (_kneeling on her_ L.) I lay the profound and reasoned -devotion--of a man. Rosamund, I love you. I ask you to marry me. Be my -wife! - -LADY C. (_aghast and helpless, rise and cross_ L.) You can't mean this? -(_He tries to take her hand, she rises hurriedly and eludes him._ SIR -J. _comes from_ R. 3 E.) (L. C.) There is your uncle. Leave us, leave -us! - -EVERARD. (C.) Why? I will tell him-- - -LADY C. No, no! Go to my father! Let him know! Please! - -EVERARD. Since you wish it. (_He goes up_ R., _passing_ SIR J. -_haughtily_) I shall return for my answer. (_he goes_) - -LADY C. (L. C.) He has proposed! - -SIR J. (R. C.) What!!! - -LADY C. Imagine it! He has fallen in love--with me! - -SIR J. (_slowly_) Everard has fallen--in love--with you? - -LADY C. Yes! Imagine it! A catastrophe! - -SIR J. (_dully, down_ R. C. _and sitting_) Very awkward. Very. - -LADY C. (C.) How could one conceive it! I've been sympathetic--that's -all! Talked about Margaret! Oh, I assure you, I've done nothing but -talk about Margaret! - -SIR J. There's something odd about boys and girls nowadays. But, of -course, it's all Mollentrave--(_he clenches his fist_) - -LADY C. What must I do? Tell me--advise me! - -SIR J. You haven't accepted him? - -LADY C. (_indignantly_) Sir Joseph! - -SIR J. You see, things are just a trifle topsy-turvy. My--bride--grows -more and more devoted. - -LADY C. I'm completely bewildered! The poor boy seemed terribly in -earnest-- - -SIR J. So does the poor girl! I'd like to shake them both in a bag! -Well, _you'll_ have a week of it now. - -LADY C. How to refuse him without-- - -SIR J. You'd better accept him--why not? You'll find, we'll both have -to marry them. Then, some day perhaps, they'll elope together--and -Mollentrave on Women will rub his hands and cry "There!" - -LADY C. (_very distressed_) What am I to say to Everard? Oh, what? - -SIR J. Be senile! Boil your milk! - -LADY C. (_indignantly_) Sir Joseph! Is this your sympathy? (_sit_ L.) - -SIR J. (_meekly and deprecatingly, rise and to_ L. C.) My dear friend, -I've had seven days of Margaret. I thought my brain was fairly strong ---but it's giving. I tell you I'm growing helpless--turning to pulp-- - -LADY C. But advise me--advise me! - -SIR J. I can't. You know--it sounds absurd--I did have some hopes -of marrying you myself--I did indeed. (_away_ R.) Well, now Everard -claims you--and I shall soon be led by Margaret to the altar, with Miss -Treable propping me up on the other side. We can't do anything--that's -how matters are! - -LADY C. Do you think _I_ will marry Everard? - -SIR J. (_helplessly sit_ R. C.) I don't know--I don't think at all. -Mollentrave does the thinking--Mollentrave! - - (MOLLENTRAVE _bustles in, beaming_, R. 3 E.) - -MOLLEN. (C.) (_looking wonderingly from one to the other_) Dear me, why -this air of depression? - -LADY C. (_both rise and up to knoll_) Depression! Papa! Have you seen -Everard? - -MOLLEN. (C.) I have, this very moment. - - SIR J. } (_excitedly_) Well? Well? - LADY C.} - -MOLLEN. (_looking from one to the other_) Rosamund! Balsted! You surely -wouldn't have me believe that you are not pleased? - -SIR J. (_amazed_) Pleased! - -MOLLEN. (_emphatically_) Yes, sir, I say pleased--at this magnificent -development of my scheme! - -LADY C. When Everard wants to marry me! - -SIR J. And has ceased to love Margaret! - -MOLLEN. (_more in sorrow than in anger_) Amazing! _You_, Balsted, -you--well--you don't surprise me. But Rosamund--my own child--no, I -should not have believed it! - -SIR J. Did he, or did he not, inform you that he had proposed to your -daughter? - -MOLLEN. He most undoubtedly did. - -SIR J. And was _that_ what you wanted? - -MOLLEN. Can you ask? What else? - -LADY C. (_reproachfully_) Papa! When you said-- - -MOLLEN. My dear child, I do not admit even you into my closest -confidence. You have done your share, both of you--now leave me to do -mine. - -SIR J. Will you condescend to inform us-- - -MOLLEN. You will continue the treatment as before. - -SIR J. (_madly_) I am to go on with Margaret-- - -MOLLEN. (_calmly_) You are. - -LADY C. (_helplessly_) And--I?-- - -MOLLEN. Will persistently--sympathise--with Everard. - -LADY C. But he has proposed! What am I to do? - -MOLLEN. Be flattered--in case of need even affectionate. - -LADY C. (_horror stricken_) Affectionate! (_away_ L., _and sitting_.) - -MOLLEN. Discreetly--remotely--let us say, in a spiritual and -disembodied fashion. You may, if you wish it, hint at Lord Contareen-- - -SIR J. (_looking up eagerly_) Lord Contareen? - -MOLLEN. Ah, didn't you know? He and my daughter--(MARGARET _calls -"Joseph" and comes in with the "Times" in her hand_.) Pardon -me--there's the girl. I'll send her away--I have to give you further -instructions. Wait here--I shan't be a moment. - - (_He goes quickly to_ MARGARET _off_ R. 3 E., _and - walks her off, talking eagerly to her_.) - -SIR J. (_across to_ L. C., _sitting_) (_excitedly._) What is this about -Lord Contareen? - -LADY C. A foolish creature, whom Papa wishes me to marry. - -SIR J. (_aghast_) Marry! What, what! Marry--you! - -LADY C. Yes. And he thinks-- - -SIR J. Rosamund! Is there a man in the world whom you can marry--but me! - -LADY C. Sir Joseph! You said just now-- - -SIR J. (_kneeling on her_ R.) Rosamund, I love you! I always have loved -you! You know it! - -LADY C. (_embarrassed_) I--I-- - -SIR J. During this diabolic week there has at least been _you_! You'll -marry me, won't you? - -LADY C. Oh, Sir Joseph, is this the time-- - -SIR J. It is, it is! To the devil with all the rest! We'll elope! - -LADY C. Elope? - -SIR J. Yes--and leave Mollentrave to settle matters! Rosamund, tell me! - -LADY C. What can I tell you? What? - -SIR J. That you care for me! Will you? - -LADY C. But you are not free! - -SIR J. (_wildly_) Not free, not free! But when I am--as I shall be, I -swear it! then--? - -LADY C. Then--oh, then I shall say "yes" many times! - -SIR J. (_rise and raising her_) Rosamund--dearest! - - (_He rushes towards her--she stays him, with a - gesture._) - -LADY C. Hush! He's coming back! - - (SIR JOSEPH _gets back_ R.) - - (MOLLENTRAVE _bustles in_ R. 3 E., _holding the - "Times" in his hand_.) - -MOLLEN. (C.) She was bringing you the "Times"--here it is--she assures -me it has been warmed and all the microbes boiled out of it! You _are_ -so fussy, Balsted! Here! (_He hands him the paper._) - - (SIR JOSEPH _takes paper, goes up_ R. C.) - -LADY C. (L. C.) Papa! Does Margaret know? - -MOLLEN. About Everard? Oh yes. And of course she's indignant. Although -she adores our friend Balsted, she resents the desertion of an ancient -admirer. - -SIR J. (_coming down_ C.) I fail to see how this helps us. - -MOLLEN. (R. C.) Balsted, Balsted, you surely affect this denseness! -I've told Everard, by the way, that he has my full consent and approval. - -LADY C. (L. C.) Papa! - -MOLLEN. That the decision rests with my daughter-- - -LADY C. (_cross to_ C.) With _me_! What am I to say to him? - -SIR J. (L. C.) (_whispering to her_) We'll elope! - -MOLLEN. In the meantime Balsted will be good enough to overwhelm -Margaret with his elderly devotion-- - -SIR J. I won't! - -MOLLEN. You will! Where you were doddery before, you will now be -paralytic! You will, for the next week, refuse to stir from the house, -or let Margaret do as much as budge from your side! - -SIR J. (_ironic_) Really? - -MOLLEN. Yes. And Rosamund does more or less the same with Everard. - -LADY C. Papa, I can't! I tell you I can't! - -MOLLEN. You must! _I_ tell you, you must! (LADY C. _goes up_ C.) - -(MARGARET _calls "Joseph" and appears at the - same place as before_. BALSTED _is_ L.) - -(_Down_ L. C.) The girl again! Balsted, we will leave you with her. -Read your paper--she mustn't think we've been plotting. Read it, I -say--at present you're simply glaring! - -LADY C. (_up_ R. C. _intercepting_ MARGARET--_speaking very gently_) -Margaret--my dear Margaret! - -MARGARET. (_up_ R. _coldly_) I congratulate you, Lady Claude. - -LADY C. You congratulate me! You believe-- - -MOLLEN. (_up_ C.) (_sternly_) Rosamund, I want you! Come! - - (_He marches her off_ L. U. E., MARGARET _looks scornfully after - her, then sits on the grass, close to_ SIR J. _who holds the - paper as a shield_.) - - (SIR JOSEPH _crosses_ R. _and sits_.) - -MARGARET. (C., _reproachfully_) Joseph, I warned you! You refused to -take any steps! Now you see! - - (SIR JOSEPH _turns over the paper wildly_.) - -MARGARET. It is unpardonable of them both, but he, the poor boy, is -at least to be pitied. There really should be a law against elderly -women marrying mere boys! But it's our duty to do something, isn't it, -Joseph? We really can't stand by and allow him to be so foolish--can we? - - (EVERARD _comes in_, R. 3 E.) - -Ah, Everard, Everard! We have heard the--news. Your uncle has something -to say to you--haven't you, Joseph? - - (_Comes down_ R. C., _taps him on the arm_, SIR JOSEPH _suddenly - leaps up_ R. C. _with a wild yell_) - - (EVERARD _comes down_ L. C.) - -MARGARET. Oh, what is it? Another attack, Joseph? - -SIR J. (_flourishing the paper and pointing to a paragraph_) Here, -here, who has done this? I say, who has done this? - -EVERARD. (_amazed at his vehemence_) Why, uncle-- - -MARGARET. (_rushing up with smelling salts_) Joseph, you know you -should not get excited! - -SIR J. (_shaking her off_) Leave me alone! Go away! I want to know how -it got into the papers! (_cross to_ C.) Who said it? Who? - -MARGARET. (R. C.) Said what, Joseph dear? What has happened? - -SIR J. (C. _fiercely_) There's an announcement here that I mean to -resign the House, and give up the Bar! - -MARGARET. Oh! That wretched man must have put it in! - -SIR J. (_glaring at her_) Man! What man? - -MARGARET. He called to see you yesterday, while you were resting. I -couldn't disturb you, of course--so I-- - -SIR J. (_choking with rage_) _You_ saw him? You? - -MARGARET. And I told him--I was so proud! - -SIR J. You told him! But it's not true! - -MARGARET. (_staggering_) What!!! - -SIR J. (_wild with excitement and fury_) No--it's not true--it's none -of it true! Oh, you--idiot! - -EVERARD. (L. C. _advancing, horror-stricken_) Uncle! How dare you! - -SIR J. (_ignoring_ EVERARD _and still glaring at_ MARGARET) None of it -true! All sham and humbug, you--wretched little idiot! - - (_He rushes off wildly_ R. 3 E., MARGARET _bursts into a torrent of - hysterical sobs, and sinks on to the seat_ R. _Everard is deeply - moved--following_ SIR JOSEPH to R. _and then impetuously to her_.) - -EVERARD. (R. C. _deeply pained_) Margaret! Don't cry! Don't! - -MARGARET. (_between her sobs_) Go--go--leave me! Go to your Lady -Claude! Who cares about me! - -EVERARD. (_humbly_) Margaret!!! - -MARGARET. He has deceived me--I see it all now! The cottage in the -country--the beautiful book--(_wringing her hands_) (_rise and cross_ -L.) Oh, _can_ men be so wicked! - - (EVERARD _follows her_ L. C.) - -(_Feebly_) It was so sweet--his giving up all--for me! His being so -helpless, and wanting me, so much! And now--oh, wretched girl that I -am! (_her sobs burst forth afresh, go up_ C. _and sit, pushing_ EVERARD -_away_) - -EVERARD. (_up_ R. C.) Margaret! Don't! I can't stand it! - -MARGARET. The wickedness of it! Oh, the wickedness! - -EVERARD. But you loved him! You told me you loved him! When he -proposed-- - -MARGARET. It was such a surprise--and I was so flattered! But love! How -could I love--an old man! - -EVERARD. (_more and more bewildered, sits up_ C. _on her_ R.) Margaret! - -MARGARET. An--ugly--old man! - -EVERARD. What--what! - -MARGARET. And I--I admired him, of course. But I confess that -at first--only then, when Mr. Mollentrave told me of all his -diseases--Everard! His heart isn't weak? - -EVERARD. (_rise_) No! - -MARGARET. His limbs aren't feeble? - -EVERARD. Not in the least! - -MARGARET. He's not even asthmatic? - -EVERARD. No more than I am! - -MARGARET. (_raising her hands pathetically to Heaven_) Oh!!! And yet -how great his love must be, for him to have stooped to this! - -EVERARD. (_scornfully_) His love! He has called you an idiot! You! - -MARGARET. (_sobbing again_) Yes--a wretched--little--idiot! And what -had I done to deserve it! (EVERARD _sits_ C.) Oh, leave me, leave me! -Go to your Lady Claude! - -EVERARD. (_trembling with excitement_) You can't marry him now! - -MARGARET. Will he let me escape, do you think? All this week, the -hungry love in his eyes! - -EVERARD. But you--if you don't love him? - -MARGARET. I loved what I _thought_ was him. And I--I am faithful--_I_ -do not change--_I_ don't says things to one woman one week and then -make love to another! Why do you stay here, Everard? Your bride is -waiting! - -EVERARD. (_desperately_) Do you think _I_ want to marry Lady Claude? - -MARGARET. (_scornfully_) Would you have proposed to her, if you didn't? - -EVERARD. I proposed out of pique, because you-- - -MARGARET. (_excitedly_) What, what! - -EVERARD. I read Mr. Mollentrave's wicked book, and believed it! Oh, -Margaret, Margaret, can you think that any other woman in the world-- - -MARGARET. (_trembling_) Then--then-- - -EVERARD. I always have loved you--always--always! But when I found that -you-- - -MARGARET. I see it all! You proposed to Lady Claude--for my sake! - -EVERARD. I was so unhappy! - -MARGARET. And you _don't_ love her? Then I have ruined your life! - -EVERARD. It's not too late! - -MARGARET. It is--it is! Can we break both their hearts? Oh, Everard--we -must be noble! - -EVERARD. Poor Lady Claude! I'm afraid I've been very cruel! - -MARGARET. And your uncle--think of your uncle! Imagine if -he--suspected! The blow to him! No, no, we mustn't, we can't. We must -make the sacrifice, Everard! We must do what is right! - - (_Leaning against each other._) - -EVERARD. But tell me, at least! You _do_ love me? - -MARGARET. Oh, Everard, I always have loved you--but I didn't know! - -EVERARD. (_desperately_) I don't want to marry Lady Claude! - -MARGARET. Nor I your uncle! But we must! They love us, the poor old -things! - - (_They fall into each other's arms._ MOLLENTRAVE _comes in briskly_ - L. U. E. _and stares, in utter amazement_) - -MOLLEN. (_triumphantly_) Ah! The liberation of two gases, that meet, -and explode! - - (EVERARD _and_ MARGARET _turn, horror-stricken, and - rise_) - -EVERARD. (_up_ R. C. _releasing_ MARGARET) Mr. Mollentrave! Oh!!! - -MARGARET. (_down_ R. _shamefaced_) You mustn't think--oh, you mustn't! -We were merely bidding each other good-bye! - -MOLLEN. (C.) That of course was evident! But, Everard--for a man who -half-an-hour ago proposed to my daughter-- - -EVERARD. (_miserably_) Mr. Mollentrave! - -MOLLEN. Are there many other young ladies--whom you have to say -good-bye to, Everard? - -EVERARD. Be merciful, sir! Oh, Mr. Mollentrave. I love Margaret! -(_going to her_) - -MARGARET. (_reproachfully_) Everard! - -EVERARD. I do, I do! And she loves me! Oh, Mr. Mollentrave, help us! - - (_Both kneel_ C. _holding hands_) - -MARGARET. Yes, yes, help us! - -MOLLEN. What a position for a father! When I think of my Rosamund--the -blow to her! And Balsted--poor, doting Balsted! - -MARGARET. (_crawling towards_ MOLLENTRAVE, _humbly_) We've been very -wicked, we know! But we'll do what you tell us! - -MOLLEN. (_both rise_) Arise, my children! _I_ will befriend you! - -EVERARD. (_up_ R. C.) Oh, Mr. Mollentrave, you are the noblest of men! - -MARGARET. (_down_ R. C.) The best, the kindest! - -MOLLEN. (C.) (_raising them both_) I will break the dreadful news -to them--ah, very gently--We must not be brutal! Not a word to them -yet--They must hear it from me! - -MARGARET. Yes--oh yes! - -MOLLEN. Oh, the cruelty of youth! Go now--go--let me consider what had -best be done. - -EVERARD. (_seizing his hand and wringing it_) How to thank you! - -MARGARET. (_caressing the other hand_) Dear Mr. Mollentrave! - -MOLLEN. Whatever it cost me, you have my promise! - - (_They go off, hand-in-hand_ R. 2 E. _Left alone_, MOLLENTRAVE - _laughs quietly to himself, and expresses his supreme - satisfaction by a kind of elderly dance_. DEXTER _comes in_ R. 2 - E. _with a telegram, and stares_.) - -DEXTER. (R. C.) Mr. Mollentrave! - -MOLLEN. (_with dignity_ C.) Dexter, this exhibition of agility may -seem undignified, but it is symbolic of a certain inward feeling of -legitimate pride. - -DEXTER. (_puzzled_) Sir? - -MOLLEN. Dexter, I have done it--like that! (_he snaps his fingers_) I -waved my wand--and they walked--I piped, and they danced! (_to_ DEXTER -R. C. _speaking with profound conviction_) Dexter there are moments -when my power strikes me as somewhat uncanny.... - -DEXTER. (R. C.) May I ask, sir-- - -MOLLEN. No, no, these matters are not for you.--What have you there? - -DEXTER. A telegram, sir. The boy is waiting. - - (DEXTER _hands him the telegram_.) - -MOLLEN. (_fumbling for his glasses_) Yes--a little uncanny! (C.) -But--fortunately for mankind, I make a good use of that power! (_He -adjusts his spectacles, opens the telegram, and reads_) What, what! - -DEXTER. (R. C.) No bad news, sir, I hope? - -MOLLEN. (L. C.) (_fuming_) Contareen! The ass, the triple ass! Engaged -to Lady Gladys. I am d---- (_going up_ C. _and down_ R. C.) - -DEXTER. Sir? - -MOLLEN. And he gloats! He dares to gloat! - -DEXTER. (R. C.) Any answer, sir? I have brought a form. - -MOLLEN. Answer--no--no answer! Stay, though--there _shall_ be--yes, -there _shall_! Ah, he gloats, does he, that--moon-calf! Write, -Dexter,--write! Sit here and write! - - (DEXTER _sits_ R. C.) - -"Delighted at news. My daughter and Sir Joseph Balsted, who were -engaged yesterday"-- - -DEXTER. (_open-mouthed_) Sir??? - -MOLLEN. (C. _pettishly_) I say, who were engaged yesterday--"join in -congratulations." Have you got it? - -DEXTER. Do I understand you to say-- - -MOLLEN. You do, sir--you do! Is that down? - -DEXTER. Yes, sir. "My daughter and Sir Joseph Balsted, who were engaged -yesterday, join in congratulations." - -MOLLEN. Good. Now take that telegram, give it to the boy--and mind, not -a word to anyone here! (_down_ L.) - -DEXTER. (_going_) Very well, sir. (_is going_ R. 2 E.) - -MOLLEN. (R. C.) Stay, I had better make sure. Give me the telegram, -Dexter--I'll hand it to the boy myself. And do you go off, through that -gate, and take the next train back to town. - - (DEXTER _crosses_ L. C.) - -DEXTER. (_up_ L. C.) Sir! Don't you trust my discretion? - -MOLLEN. (R. C.) Implicitly, Dexter--but I prefer to know it's in -London. Go at once, please. I shall let you know when to return. - - (DEXTER _goes through the gate_, L. U. E.) - -MOLLEN. (C. _and down_ L. C.) (_moving off_) More work for my hands! -But can I let that creature gloat? (_is going up_ R. 3 E.) - - (_As he goes, he meets_ SIR JOSEPH _and_ LADY - CLAUDE.) - -MOLLEN. (_pushing between them_) Ah, Balsted, Rosamund, wait for me -here. I have news--strange news! I shall be back in a moment! (_he -goes_ R. 3 E.) - -SIR J. (_coming down stage on her_ R. _slowly walking down_ R. _and -across_ L. C.) News! Some fresh scheme, no doubt! We have done with -him--done! Rosamund, I'll go now to the post-office, and wire my clerk -to get a special license-- - -LADY C. No, no, it's impossible! Oh, Joseph, think of our eternal -remorse--if anything happened! - -SIR J. Remorse! I tell you, if we stay here, we shall both of us be -caught! - -LADY C. We should never have lent ourselves to this deception! - -SIR J. It's too late now to moan over things! Your father's responsible -for it all--let him put things right! - -LADY C. Think of poor Margaret! Ninety-nine girls out of a hundred, I -said--what if she be the hundredth? - -SIR J. I don't care if she be the thousandth! I won't marry her! - -LADY C. And Everard! The blow to him! Oh, how can I have been so blind! - -SIR J. He and Margaret will console each other! - -LADY C. (L.) Oh Joseph, Joseph, they are so young, but youth can know -sorrow! Margaret adores you--and I--oh, what have I done to poor -Everard! - -SIR J. (L. C.) I don't care, I don't care! I tell you-- - - (EVERARD _and_ MARGARET _come in_ R. 2 E.; _they - start at seeing the others_.) - -LADY C. Look, look! Here they are! - - (_A panic falls on all four of them; they eye each other furtively, - and both pairs stand whispering at opposite corners of the - stage._) - -MARGARET. (_down_ R. C. _to_ EVERARD _down_ R.) They've seen us--we -can't go back. - -LADY C. (_up_ L. _to_ SIR JOSEPH _up_ L. C.) Ah, Joseph! The poor -little girl! - -EVERARD. (_to_ MARGARET) He can't have told them yet! - -MARGARET. (_to_ EVERARD) Oh no--impossible! But--how sad they are! As -though they suspected! - -LADY C. (_to_ SIR JOSEPH) The poor boy, the poor boy! We must be very -gentle! - -EVERARD. (_to_ MARGARET) I've behaved very cruelly to poor Lady Claude! - -SIR J. (_to_ LADY CLAUDE) I'm afraid Margaret has been crying-- - -LADY C. (_to_ SIR JOSEPH) It will break her heart when she knows-- - -EVERARD. (_to_ MARGARET) Why not tell them? This is a chance-- - -MARGARET. (_to_ EVERARD) Oh, think of the shock! Your poor uncle! Oh, -my heart fails me! - - (_They fall into whispers._ MOLLENTRAVE _comes in, and chuckles at - finding them all together. Both couples start guiltily and try - to go_, MARGARET _and_ EVERARD R. 2 E., SIR JOSEPH _and_ LADY - CLAUDE L. 2 E.) - -MOLLEN. (C.) No, no, don't go--sit down please--I've something to say -to you--all! - - (_They sit all of them in the greatest embarrassment, avoiding each - other's eyes_, MARGARET _and_ EVERARD R. _and_ R. C., SIR JOSEPH - _up_ L. C., LADY CLAUDE _down_ L.) - -MOLLEN. (C.) (_striking an attitude_) The poets have babbled of love -since the first introduction of rhyme;--but all that we know, or need -know, is that Cupid is--young! (_he turns to_ SIR JOSEPH) Balsted! -The elderly fisherman baits his fat hook and thinks he has landed the -salmon--down below, a barefoot boy wades in, and captures the prize! As -a lover, Balsted, you have every quality--every one in the world that -appeals to a beautiful girl--every one, with the exception of youth! - -MARGARET. (R. C.) (_falling on her knees before_ SIR JOSEPH) Forgive me! - -SIR J. (_staggered_) Margaret! (_crosses to_ R. C.) - -MOLLEN. (_down_ L. C.) You _must_ forgive her! Balsted, it was your -brain, your massive brain, that attracted poor Margaret--but to-day, as -she sat beside Everard, two pair of lips met, quite by chance--and your -brain was forgotten! - - (LADY CLAUDE _still sitting_ L.) - -EVERARD. (_rising_ R.) (_appealingly_) Lady Claude! - -MOLLEN. (L. C.) Rosamund, you too will pardon, and grant absolution. -Rosamund, Balsted, rise to superior heights--and, from your loftiness, -smile on our lovers! - -SIR J. (C.) Margaret, you are free! - -MARG. (R. C.) What! _Can_ you! - -SIR J. I release you! - -MOLLEN. (_up_ L. C.) Go now, my children--leave me--to pour balm on -their wounds! - - (_He waves them off; they rush out gleefully, - hand in hand_, R. 2 E.) - -SIR J. (_up_ R. C.) A miracle! But how-- - -MOLLEN. (C.) The infallible working of an undeviating law! - -SIR J. Mollentrave, I love your daughter. And she-- - -LADY C. (_rising and to_ L. _of_ MOLLEN.) Papa, this will be a -disappointment to you, I know. But I-- - -MOLLEN. (C.) Disappointment! The dearest wish of my heart! - -SIR J. What!! - -MOLLEN. My scheme of schemes, at which I have labored since first I -set eyes on our friend! Every single event, all that has happened, was -merely the inlay, the minute fragments that dovetailed--and produced -this! - -SIR J. Marvellous! Mollentrave, I have no words--to express my -admiration! - -MOLLEN. (_taking_ SIR JOSEPH'S _hand and placing it in_ LADY CLAUDE'S) -After all, my dear fellow, what is it? A little knowledge of human -nature! - - CURTAIN. - - MOLLENTRAVE. - - SIR JOSEPH. - - LADY CLAUDE. - - - - - - TRANSCRIBER'S NOTES - - - Silently corrected simple spelling, grammar, and typographical - errors. - - Retained anachronistic and non-standard spellings as printed. - - Enclosed italics font in _underscores_. - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Mollentrave on Women; A comedy in -three acts, by Alfred Sutro - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MOLLENTRAVE ON WOMEN *** - -***** This file should be named 50099-8.txt or 50099-8.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/0/0/9/50099/ - -Produced by Richard Tonsing, Clarity and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -file was produced from images generously made available -by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.) - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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