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diff --git a/old/50093-8.txt b/old/50093-8.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 0b4571c..0000000 --- a/old/50093-8.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,2363 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Keeping Up with William, by Irving Bacheller - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - - - -Title: Keeping Up with William - In which the Honorable Socrates Potter Talks of the Relative - Merits of Sense Common and Preferred - -Author: Irving Bacheller - -Illustrator: Gaar Williams - -Release Date: September 30, 2015 [EBook #50093] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK KEEPING UP WITH WILLIAM *** - - - - -Produced by David Widger from page images generously -provided by the Internet Archive - - - - - - - -KEEPING UP WITH WILLIAM - -In Which the Honorable Socrates Potter Talks of the Relative Merits of -Sense Common and Preferred - -By Irving Bacheller - -Author of Keeping Up With Lizzie. The Light In the Clearing, Etc. - -With Cartoons by Gaar Williams - -1918 - -[Illustration: 0008] - -[Illustration: 0009] - -TO THE CHILDREN OF FRANCE AND BELGIUM--MADE FATHERLESS BY -WILLIAMISM--WHOSE WRONGS HAVE ENLISTED THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN AGAINST THE -MISLED HOSTS OF GERMANY, I DEDICATE THIS BOOK AND THE PROCEEDS OF ITS -SALE. - -KEEPING UP WITH WILLIAM - - - - -CHAPTER I.--WHICH OPENS FIRE ON THE EXACTING INDUSTRY OF SUPERING - -The new year of 1918 was not a month old the day I went up to -Connecticut to see the Honorable Socrates Potter. I found the famous -country lawyer sitting in the very same chair from which, seven years -ago, he had told me the story of keeping up with Lizzie. His feet rested -peacefully on a table in front of him as he sat reading a law book. -Logs were burning in the fireplace. A spaniel dog lay dozing on a rug in -front of it. What a delightful flavor of old times and good tobacco was -in that inner office of his--with its portraits of Lincoln and his war -cabinet, of Silas Wright and Daniel Webster and Rufus Choate and Charles -Sumner, with its old rifle and powder horn hanging above the modest -mantel and its cases of worn law books! Beyond the closed door were busy -clerks and clicking typewriters, for Mr. Potter's business had grown -to large proportions, but here was peace and the atmosphere of -deliberation. There was never any haste in this small factory of -opinions. - -"Hello! Have you come for another book?" he asked. - -"Always looking for another book," I answered. "It's about time that you -got into this big fight between Democracy and--" - -"Deviltry," he interrupted with a stern look. "By thunder I've offered -to take up the sword but they say I'm too old to fight. I don't believe -it. My great grandfather fought at Lexington when he was sixty-four." - -"You can do more good with some conversation than you could with a -sword or a gun," I urged. "I've come up here to touch the button and now -you're expected to say something for the boys at the front and the folks -at home. Just turn your search-light on the general situation." - -"Well, I have quite a stock of shrapnel and liquid fire for the rear -line of the Germans," he began. "My searchlight is a modest kind of a -lantern but we'll see what we can do with it. - -"This time we'll talk on the subject of keeping up with William. - -"The other day, in the rooms of the Connecticut Historical Society, I -was reading the diary of one Abigail Foote written in 1775. This, as I -remember it, was an average day in her life: Mended mother's hood, set a -red dye, hetchelled flax with Hannah, spun four pounds of whole wool, -spun thread for harness twine, worked on a cheese basket, read a sermon -of Doddridge's, scoured the pewter, milked the cows, carded wool, got -supper ready, went to bed at nine. - -"I wish you to note that she went to bed at nine. Do you think that a -modern girl would knock off at nine? Not at all. She sticks to her task -until midnight and even longer. Abigail had only to be an ordinary human -being with nothing to do but work. The modern girl must have the beauty -of a goddess, the grace of a gazelle, the digestion of an ostrich, the -endurance of a horse and the remorse of a human being. It is a large -contract. "We are all familiar with the diary of a modern girl. Its -average day would be about as follows: Got up. Neck felt like a string -on a toy balloon. Had some toast and coffee. Had my hair dressed and -nails manicured. Put a new ribbon on my dog and walked him around the -block. Went to meeting of the charity committee. Learned that there -were many people out of work. Went to see the doctor who warned me about -overeating and late hours. Same old chestnut! Lunched with Mabel. Ate -half a pound of chocolates and so much cake that the butler had a -frightened look. Home again. Dressed. Went with mama to a lecture on the -insane. Mama woke me at five. It was all over. Went to Gladys's tea. -Danced half an hour. Home again. Dressed. Spent fifteen minutes with -papa and my dog. Went with Harry and mama to Gwendolyn's party. Danced -until midnight. Home at one. Nearly frozen. Talk about long hours and -poor pay and insufficient clothing; this reminds one of the story of -Washington's army in the worst winter of the revolution. - -"Now, both of these girls toiled. - -"The one in productive work with the wool and the flax. It was done -mostly for the comfort of others. The modern girl wears herself out -supering. Do you know what it means to super? It is to follow the -exacting industry of being superior." - -"Superior to what?" I asked. - -"To productive work," he went on. "Their toil is all in the service of -themselves and in pursuit of their own pleasure. - -"That's what's the matter with this old earth. For many years more -than half its people have been supering--wasting their time in busy -idleness--on the high road to deviltry. You don't have to think twice -to decide that it is about the most dangerous of all crimes, my friend, -because it is the straight way to all crime. It leads direct to deceit, -theft, adultery and murder. It kills the sense of brotherhood in the -heart of man. It kills the spirit of Democracy. The world is being -strafed for it, in my opinion. - -"Now the center and headquarters of all supering is Prussia--the home of -the superman--and Bill Hohenzollern, the Godful, is the head and front -of the whole push. - -"There are two kinds of superiority--real and assumed. Real superiority -is largely unconscious of itself. It can never be inherited--there's the -important fact about it. You will recall that there are only three cases -on record of a great father begetting a great son. The son is apt to -have a sense of inherited superiority. It destroys everything worth -while in him. - -"Of all the defects that flesh is heir to, a sense of inherited -superiority is the most deplorable. It is worse than insanity or idiocy -or curvature of the spine. There are millions of acres of land in Europe -occupied by nothing but a sense of inherited superiority; there are -millions of hands and intellects in Europe occupied by nothing but -a sense of inherited superiority, while billions of wealth have been -devoted to its service and embellishment. A man who has even a small -amount of it needs a force of porters and footmen to help him tote it -around, and a guard to keep watch for fear that some one will grab his -superiority and run off with it when his back is turned. - -"A full equipment of inherited superiority, decorated with a title, a -special dialect, a lot of old armor and university junk, stuck out so -that there wasn't room for more than one outfit in a township. Most -of the bloodshed has been caused by the blunders or the hoggishness -of inherited superiority. It is the nursing bottle of insanity and the -Mellin's Food of crime. - -"Now hot air has been the favorite dissipation of kings. James the First -was one of the world's greatest consumers of hot air; enough to put -him into business with the Almighty. To be sure, it was not a full -partnership. It was no absolute Hohenzollern monopoly of mortal -participation. - -"There are two kinds of sense in men--common and preferred, plain and -fancy. The common has become the great asset of mankind; the preferred -its great liability. Our forefathers had large holdings of the common, -certain kings and their favorites of the preferred. The preferred -represented an immense bulk of inherited superiority and an alleged pipe -line leading from the king's throne to Paradise, and connected with the -fount of every blessing by the best religious plumbers. It always drew -dividends, whether the common got anything or not. The preferred holders -ran the plant and insisted that they held a first mortgage on it. When -they tried to foreclose with military power to back them, some of our -forefathers got out. - -"We, their sons, are now crossing the seas to take up that ancient issue -between sense common and preferred and to determine the rights of each. -We are fighting for the foundations of Democracy--the dictates of common -sense. - -"For the sake of saving time, I hope you will grant me license to resort -to the economy of slang. A man might do worse these days. There is one -great destroyer of common sense. It is hot air. I remember how scared of -it the Yankees used to be. They were most economical with their praise. -I never heard a word of it in my youth. It came to me after some travel -now and then--never to my face. They knew the deadly power of it--those -Yankees. - -[Illustration: 0025] - -"Now hot air has been the favorite dissipation of kings. James the First -was one of the world's' great consumers of hot air. He and his family -and friends took all that Great Britain could produce--never, I am glad -to say, a large amount, but enough to put James into business with the -Almighty. To be sure, it was not a full partnership. It was no absolute -Hohenzollern monopoly of mortal participation. It was comparatively -modest, but it was enough to outrage the common sense of the English. -After all, divine partnerships were not for the land of Fielding and -Smollett and Swift and Dickens and Thackeray. Too much humor there. Too -much liberty of the tongue and pen. Too great a gift for ridicule. Where -there is ridicule there can be no self-appointed counselors of God, and -handmade halos of divinity find their way to the garbage heap. - -"Now, if we are to have sound common sense, we must have humor, and if -we are to have humor we must have liberty. There can be no crowned or -mitered knave, no sacred, fawning idiot, who is immune from ridicule; no -little tin deities who can safely slash you with a sword unless you give -them the whole of the sidewalk. Humor would take care of them; not the -exuberance that is born in the wine-press or the beer-vat--humor is no -by-product of the brewery---but the merriment that comes when common -sense has been vindicated by ridicule. - -"Solemnity is often wedded to Conceit, and their children have committed -all the crimes on record. You may always look for the devil in the -neighborhood of some solemn and conceited ass who has inherited power -and who, like the one that Balaam rode, speaks for the Almighty. So, -when the devil came back, he steered for the most solemn and perfect ass -on the face of the earth--Bill Hohenzollern. - -"In his soul the devil began to destroy the common sense of a race with -the atmosphere of hell--hot air. We have seen its effect. It inflates -the intellect. It produces the pneumatic, rubber brain--the brain that -keeps its friends busy with the pump of adulation; the brain stretched -to hold its conceit, out of which we can hear the hot air leaking in -streams of boastfulness. The divine afflatus of an emperor is apt to -make as much disturbance as a leaky steam-pipe. When the pumpers cease -because they are weary, it becomes irritated. Then all hands to the -pumps again. Soon there is no illusion of grandeur too absurd to be -real, no indictment of idiotic presumption which it is unwilling to -admit. - -"By and by it breaks into the realm of the infinite and hastens to -the succor of God, for, to the pneumatic brain, God is slow and -old-fashioned. Thereafter it infests the heavenly throne and seeks to -turn it into a plant for the manufacture of improved morals, and, so as -to insure their popularity, every agent for these morals is to carry -a sword and a gun and a license to use them. The alleged improvement -consists in taking all the nots out of the ten commandments. Nots are -irritating to certain people who have plans for murder, rape, arson, and -piracy. - -"Hohenzollern and Krupp had taken the Lord into partnership and begun -to give Him lessons in efficiency. Moreover, they were not to be free -lessons. The lessons were to be paid for, but they were willing to give -Him easy terms, for which they were to show Him how to hasten the slow -process of evolution. Evolution was hindered and delayed by sentiment -and emotion. - -"Sentiment and emotion were a needless inheritance. Hohenzollern and -Krupp proposed to cut them out of life and abolish tears. Tears consumed -the time and strength of the people. They were factors of inefficiency. -What was the use of crying over spilled milk and dead people? Tears were -in the nature of a luxury. The poor could not afford them. Life was not -going to be lived any longer--it was to be conducted. It was to be a -kind of a hurried Cook's tour. Nobody would have to think or feel. All -that would be attended to by the proper official. Life was to be reduced -to a merciless iron plan like that of the beehive--the most perfect -example of efficiency in nature, with its two purposes of storage and -race perpetuation. - -"No one ever saw a bee shedding tears or worrying about the murder of a -drone. - -"The ideal of Germany was to be that of the insect. To the bee there is -nothing in the world but bees, enemies, and the nectar in flowers; to -the German there was to be nothing in the world but Germans, enemies, -and loot With no wall of pity and sentiment between them and other races -they could rain showers of bursting lyddite on the unsuspecting, and -after that the will of the Kaiser and God would be respected. The firm -would prosper. It is not the first time that conceit and Kultur have -hitched their wagon to infinity. It is the old scheme of Nero and -Caligula---the ancient dream of the pneumatic prince. He can rule a -great nation, but first he must fool it. First he must induce his people -to part with their common sense and take some preferred--a dangerous -quality of preferred. This he can do in a generation by the systematic -use of hot air. - -"You may think that this endangered the national morals, but do not be -hasty. The morals were being looked after. - -[Illustration: 0035] - -"Every school, every pulpit, every newspaper, every book, became a -pumping-station for hot air impregnated with the new morals. Poets, -philosophers, orators, teachers, statesmen, romancers, were summoned to -the pumps: Rivers of beer and wine flowed into the national abdomen and -were converted into mental and moral flatulency. - -"For thirty years Germany had been on a steady dream diet. -Every school, every pulpit, every newspaper, every book, became a -pumping-station for hot air impregnated with the new morals. Poets, -philosophers, orators, teachers, states' men, romancers, were summoned -to the pumps. - -"Morning hate with its coffee and prayers, its hourly self-contentment -with its toil, its evening superiority with its beer and frankfurters. -History was falsified, philosophy bribed, religion coerced and -corrupted, conscience silenced--at first by sophistry, then by the iron -hand. Hot air was blowing from all sides. It was no gentle breeze. It -was a simoom, a tornado. No one could stand before it--not even a sturdy -Liebknecht or an unsullied Harden. - -"Germany was inebriated with a sense of its mental grandeur and moral -pulchritude. Now moral pulchritude is like a forest flower. It can not -stand the fierce glare of publicity; you can not handle it as you would -handle sausages and dye and fertilizer. Observe how the German military -party is advertising its moral pulchritude--one hundred per cent, pure, -blue ribbon, _spurlos versenkt_, honest-to-God morality!--the kind that -made hell famous. - -"I don't blame than at all. How would any one know that they had it if -they did not advertise it? - -"It is easy to accept the hot-air treatment for common sense--easy even -for sober-minded men. The cocaine habit is not more swiftly acquired -and brings a like sense of comfort and exhilaration. Slowly the Germans -yielded to its sweet inducement. They began to believe that they were -supermen--the chosen people; they thanked God that they were not like -other men. Their first crime was that of grabbing everything in the -heaven of holy promise. It would appear that those clever Prussians had -arranged with St. Peter for all the reserved seats--nothing but standing -room left Heaven was to be a place exclusively for the lovers of -frankfurters and sauerkraut and Limburger cheese. - -"God was altogether their God. Of course! Was He not a member of the -firm of Hohenzollern & Krupp? And, being so, other races were a bore and -an embarrassment. Would He not gladly be rid of them? Certainly. Other -races were God's enemies, and therefore German enemies. So it became the -right and duty of the Germans to reach out and possess the earth and its -fulness. The day had arrived. There was nothing in the world but Germans -and enemies and loot. - -"Their great leader, in their name, had claimed a swinish monopoly of -God's favor. His was not the contention of James the First, that all -true kings enjoy divine-right--oh, not at all! Bill had grown rather -husky and had got his feet in the trough, and was going to crowd the -others out of it. He was the one and only. And as he crowded, he began -to pray, and his prayers came out of lips which had confessed robbery -and violated good faith and inspired deeds of inhuman frightfulness. His -prayers were therefore nothing more nor less than hot air aimed at the -ear of the Almighty and carrying with them the flavor of the swine-yard. -In all this Church and people stood by him. It would seem that the devil -had taken both unto a high mountain and showed them the kingdoms of the -earth and their glory, and that they had yielded to his blandishments. - -"Now the thing that has happened to the criminal is this. In one way -or another, he loses his common sense. He ceases to see things in their -just relations and proportions. The difference between right and wrong -dwindles and disappears from his vision. He convinces himself that he -has a right to at least a part of the property of other people. Often he -acquires a comic sense of righteousness. - -[Illustration: 0045] - -"I have lately been in the devastated regions of northern France. I -have seen whole cities of no strategic value which the German armies had -destroyed by dynamite before leaving them to a silence like that of the -grave--the slow-wrought walls of old cathedrals and public buildings -tumbled into hopeless ruin; the châteaux, the villas, the little houses -of the poor, shaken into heaps of moldering rubbish. And I see in it -a sign of that greater devastation which covers the land of William -II--the devastation of the spirit of the German people; for where is -that moral grandeur of which Heine and Goethe and Schiller and Luther -were the far-heard compelling voices? I tell you it has all been leveled -into heaps of moldering rubbish--a thousand times more melancholy than -any in France. - -"Behold the common sense of Germany become the sense that is common -only among criminals! The sooner we recognize that, the better. They are -really burglars in this great house of God we inhabit, seeking to rob it -of its best possessions--Hindenburglars! In this war we must give them -the consideration due a burglar, and only that. We must hit them how and -where we may. We are bound by no nice regard for fair play. We must kill -the burglar or the burglar will kill us. - -"When I went away to the battle-front, a friend said to me: - -"'Try to learn how this incredible thing came about and why it -continues. That is what every one wishes to know.' - -"Well, hot air was the cause of it. Now why does it continue? My answer -is, bone-head--mostly plumed bone-head. - -"Think of those diplomats who were twenty years in Germany and yet knew -nothing of what was going on around them and of its implications! You -say that they did know, and that they warned their peoples? Well, -then, you may shift the bone-heads on to other shoulders. Think of the -diplomatic failures that have followed! - -"I bow my head to the people of England and to the incomparable valor -of her armies and fleets. My friendly criticism is aimed at the one and -only point in which she could be said to resemble Germany, viz., in a -certain limited encouragement of supermen. - -"Now, if the last three years have taught us anything, it is this: the -superman is going to be unsupered. Considering the high cost of up-keep -and continuous adulation, he does not pay. He is in the nature of a -needless tax upon human life and security. His mistakes, even, to use no -harsher word, have slaughtered more human beings than there are in the -world. The born gentleman and professional aristocrat, with a hot-air -receiver on his name, who lives in a tower of inherited superiority and -looks down at life through hazy distance with a telescope, has and can -have no common sense. He is a good soldier, he knows the habits of the -grouse and the stag, he can give an admirable dinner, he understands the -principles of international law, but when international law turns into -international anarchy he is not big enough to find the way of common -sense through the emergency. He has not that intimate knowledge of human -nature which comes only of a long and close contact with human, beings. -Without that knowledge he will know no more of what is in the other -fellow's mind and the bluff that covers it in a critical clash of wits -than a baby sucking its bottle in a perambulator. He fails, and the cost -of his failure no man can estimate. He stands discredited. As a public -servant he is going into disuse and his going vindicates the judgment of -our forefathers as to like holders of sense preferred. - -"Now is the time when all men must choose between two ideals: -Behold the common sense of Germany become the sense that is common only -among criminals! The sooner we recognize that, the better. They are -really burglars in this great house of God we inhabit, seeking to rob it -of its best possessions--Hindenburglars! the proud and merciless heart -on the one hand, that of the humble and contrite heart on the other; -between the Hun and the Anglo-Saxon, between evil and good. Faced by -such an issue I declare myself ready to lay all that I have or may have -on the old altar of our common faith. - -"My friend, be of good cheer. The God of our Fathers has not been -Kaisered or Krupped or hurried in the least. There is no danger that -Heaven will be Teutonized. - -"The shouting and the tumult dies--The captains and the kings depart--! -Still stands Thine ancient sacrifice. - -"An humble and a contrite heart Lord God of hosts, be with us yet. - -"Lest we forget--lest we forget - -"Lest we forget the innumerable dead who have nobly died, and the host -of the living who with a just and common sense and love of honor have -sent them forth to die. Lest we forget that we and our allies have not -been above reproach; that there were signs of decadence among us--in the -growing love of ease and idleness, in the tango dance of literature and -lust, in the exaltation of pleasure, in a very definite degeneration of -our moral fiber. - -"Lest we forget that our spirit is being purified in the furnace of war -and the shadow of death. Do you remember the protest of those poilus -when some unclean plays were sent to the battle front for their -entertainment? - -"'We are not pigs'--that was the message they sent back. - -"Lest we forget that the spirit of man has been lifted up out of the -mud and dust of the battle lines, out of the body tortured with pain and -weariness and vermin, out of the close companionship of the dead into -high association on the bloody altar of liberty and sacrifice. - -"Lest we forget that the spirit of our own boys shall be thus lifted up, -and our duty to put our house in order and make it a fit place for them -to live in when they shall have returned to it from battle-fields swept, -as a soldier has written, by the cleansing winds of God." - - - - -CHAPTER II.--WHICH TEACHES THAT ONE SHOULD NEVER HITCH HIS CONSCIENCE TO -A POST AS IF IT WERE A NANNY-GOAT AND GO OFF AND LEAVE IT - - -Truth is a great teacher but she often quarrels with the cook," said -Mr. Potter, while looking at his watch. - -He went to the telephone and called his home and presently began to -address his wife as follows: - -"Hello, Betsy! Say, don't expect me 'till I come. I'm in trouble. A -feller came in here and started the war all over again and there's no -tellin' when it'll end. I do not want an inconclusive peace." - -As he hung up the telephone his stenographer came in to say good night. -Mr. Potter took his old rifle off the wall, dusted It with a desk cloth -and said: - -"My great grandfather used that in the battle of Lexington." - -He squinted down its long barrel while he gave these instructions to his -helper. - -"Joe, send down to The Sign of the Flapjack, née Child's, and order -corned beef hash and poached eggs and apple pie and coffee for two." - -He turned to me and asked: - -"Any amendments to propose to that ticket?" - -"None," I answered. - -"Then we will consider it elected. Have the table spread here by the -fire, if you please." - -He filled and lighted his pipe, settled down in an easy chair and began -again, with his gun resting across his knees: "The superors try to -square themselves by giving to the poor. It doesn't work. Often we do -more harm than good by giving to the poor. Kindness, sympathy, loving -counsel and the brotherly hand can accomplish much. But the charily of -cold cash is a questionable thing. The girl who knits a pair of socks -accomplishes a larger net result to the good than the one that gives -ten pairs to charity. The girl who did the knitting really produced -something. She had made the world better off by one pair of socks. There -is no doubt about that. The girl who has bought and given away ten pairs -has produced nothing. She has made the world in general no better off. -She is a slacker. She is trying to make her money do her work for her. - -"The time has come when the world in general has to be considered by -each of us. Civilized humanity has been compacted into a unit. It is -threatened by famine and tyranny. All the money there is can not save -us from these perils unless a lot of people get busy who are now doing -nothing but eat and play. Money has become a very cheap and vulgar -thing--almost every one has money these days. - -"The time of the great assessment has come and the Lord God is taking -His inventory. Everything is being measured and valued; even your -usefulness, my friend. What are you producing? Is it enough to feed and -clothe yourself and family, even? Corn and potatoes and wheat and wool -are more than money these days. If you don't help to produce them, you -are, more or less, a dead weight. - -"The idle lands in America ought to get busy. How? The rich men should -begin to cultivate them. I know one such man who is growing two hundred -and fifty acres of potatoes in Florida where nothing has grown before, -and it is estimated his yield will be at least fifty thousand bushels. -Now, that man is doing a real service to Democracy. - -"When the monster of war is devouring the fruitfulness of the earth and -stopping the labor of those who produce it, there is only one remedy. -We must increase that fruitfulness so that there shall be enough to feed -the monster and the people at home. If this is to be done, every one -must work. In such a situation, the idleness of the able-bodied becomes -a disgrace, and his dinner the food of remorse. - -"Get busy. I do not mean that we should never play. I do mean that every -day we should do a fair day's work with our hands and brain for the good -of the world at large. - -"The war has established two brotherhoods, my friend--that's the big -thing about it. A brotherhood of democracy and a brotherhood of slaves. - -"This brotherhood of slaves has been created by the leprous soul of Bill -Hohenzollern. He has broken down the will of the average man in Germany -and established his own in place of it. He has yoked his people with the -slaves of Turkey and Bulgaria, and with them has overawed the will of -the Austro-Hungarians, mostly a decent people. The will of the Kaiser -has spread over middle Europe like a plague. The name of the plague is -Williamism. We have caught it in America." - -"In America!" I exclaimed. - -"In America," Mr. Potter went on. "The quarantine officer has been -bribed. He has left the door open and the plague has come in. The name -of that officer is Human Conscience. Williamism can make no progress -save through the carelessness or neglect of the human conscience. - -"Long ago the German people turned over their consciences to the Kaiser -and the Bundesrath with a license to use them as they thought best. The -people said to themselves: 'The Kaiser enjoys the special protection and -favor of the Lord. He is an intimate friend with a pull. He ought to -be able to make a more expert use of our consciences than we could -ourselves. Therefore, we will appoint him our representative and -proxy at the Court of Heaven. If he and his friends decide, after due -consultation with God, that we had better violate good faith and break -our treaties and seize the property of other races and indulge in -murder, rape, arson and piracy, we will do it. To be sure such action -would seem to be wrong, but that is only because we are common cattle. -We are the best herd of common cattle there is, but we are not supermen. -The Bundesrath, the Kaiser and God ought to know what is right. - -"Now that, in effect, is exactly what they said to themselves. A people -may prosper and come to no violent trouble under such a plan. But the -fact is, they are living around the crater of a moral Vesuvius. - -"For two generations all seemed to be going well with the Germans. -William I was a fairly decent-minded man. Bismarck was unscrupulous but -careful. He stepped softly after he had bitten a chunk out of France. He -held the throne in restraint until William, the Godful, jumped upon it -with a wild yell of heavenly inspiration that startled the world. He was -going to take no advice from Mr. Bismarck--not a bit! Right away he -appointed himself secretary of war and attorney general of the Almighty. -No such astonishing familiarity with omnipotence had been seen since the -time of Moses. - -"There is an ancient legend which says that, when Cæsar invaded Gaul, -an old bowman of the north, having been captured and brought to the -headquarters of the great Consul, said: - -"'Hello, Julius! I am with you.' - -"It was like Bill Hohenzollern, only Bill didn't say 'Hello, Julius!' -The whole world stood aghast. - -"Bismarck stepped down and out. He must have seen what was coming. - -"Now this young lunatic should have been examined and condemned and sent -to an asylum as a paranoiac. Instead of that, he was given full power -and allowed to endow and develop a school of bribed historians and -lunatic philosophers to justify his plans---Treitschke, Nietzsche, -Bernhardi, backed by the throne and all the supermaniacs that surrounded -it. They created the new morality of Williamism in which all human -decency was disemboweled and God and the devil exchanged crowns. Gosh -almighty! It seems incredible now that we look back upon it. - -"From the beginning there has been a flavor of the little tin god about -these Hohenzollern fellers. Frederick the Great had a menacing rattle of -self-assertion, like that of a Ford car going to a country picnic. -His favorite dissipation was kicking soldiers. It was a way he had of -advertising his superiority. - -"Macaulay tells us that he needed proximity and not provocation to kick -a soldier. What a brave Captain he was! Funny, isn't it, how the -great Captains have managed to take care of themselves. Died on -hair mattresses, every one of them except two, Gustavus Adolphus and -Stonewall Jackson. - -"The only man who ever insulted me by just shaking my hand was a -mule-eared Hohenzollern chap known as Prince Heinrich of Prussia. I can -never forget that you-to-hell air of his as he took my hand as if it was -a clod of dirt, without even a look at me. I have always been sorry that -I didn't invite him to the sidewalk. - -"William II began to strut in the military and hot-air game as soon as -he ascended the throne, and lost no opportunity to tighten his hold upon -the consciences of his people. - -"Let me tell you the story of - - -THE MISLAID CONSCIENCE. - -"I used to know a feller here of the name of Sam Hopkins. He worked for -a client of mine who ran a lock factory. Sam had been a poor lad--sold -newspapers on the street night and morning. My client liked him and took -him over to the big shop and taught him the trade of making locks -and paid his board until he was able to earn it. Sam became an expert -mechanic and shoved money into his coffers every Saturday night. By and -by he had a wife and three children and a comfortable home and a goodly -amount of spondoolix earning interest. Now for the chance to accomplish -all that he was indebted to my friend and client. - -"By and by Sam joined the Trade Union. Nobody could find any fault -with Sam for uniting with his fellow workers to accomplish any fair and -reasonable purpose. But Sam had given to the Trade Union exactly what -the Germans had given to the Kaiser and the Bundesrath. He had, -in effect, turned his conscience over to the Union, which had full -authority to do as it thought best with this sacred piece of property. -Sam didn't realize what he had done until the Union ordered him to -strike. - -"To be sure it was a limited proprietorship over his conscience which -Sam had given to the Union. He could keep and use it until the Union -called for it. He had given a kind of note payable in the use of his -conscience _on demand_. - -"Sam had no quarrel with the works--no more quarrel than the Germans had -with the Belgians--not a bit. He was more than satisfied with his wages -and his hours and his general treatment His conscience told him that -his duty was to keep at work. But he discovered suddenly that he had no -right to the use of his own conscience. He had deeded it, on demand, -to the Union--lock, stock and barrel. Sam had become a kind of German -soldier. - -"War was declared. Some of the faithful servants of the big shop were -slain. Others were injured; a part of the properly was wrecked. Sam -tried to do the right thing, but couldn't. He went with the German army. - -"Now, a man's conscience is given to him for his own use--exclusively -for his own use. There's nothing truer than this: A man's conscience -is like his tooth-brush--it should have but one proprietor. You can not -leave it lying around like an old pair of shoes. Your umbrella is not -as easily lost. It is like your right hand. You can not lay it away--you -can not lend it, and the more you use it the better it is and the less -you use it the weaker it is. Either disuse or misuse will injure it and -possibly deprive you of its service. - -"Now, Sam's conscience got mislaid in the shuffle. He suddenly -discovered that he hadn't any. I guess it was rather small at best. It -was through this loss that I came to know about him. He was out of work -for seven months and got to drinking. Idleness and regret and the loss -of friends turned him toward the downward path of women, wine and -song. He is now in a Federal prison for counterfeiting--the victim of -Williamism. - -"Now just what had happened to Sam had happened to every man in the -German army. In that deal with the Kaiser his conscience had got -mislaid. He was ready to cut off the hands of a child or torture a -wounded man or shoot an inoffensive civilian. His officers encouraged -him to do it and his conscience was not on duty. It had been turned over -to the Kaiser and the Bundesrath. It had got lost in the shuffle. - -"I have told you that William had made the ideal of Germany that of the -insect. Let me be sure that you get my meaning. - -"Have you watched a hive of bees in bright summer weather? Well, you -will find that the workers wear out their wings in two weeks and die. -The hive has only two purposes--storage and race perpetuation. - -[Illustration: 0065] - -These purposes are carried out with ruthless and perfect efficiency. - -The drones are stung to death as soon as they are discovered. The worker -will starve and die for the queen. The welfare of the hive is the main -thing--that of the individual of no account whatever. The ants live and -die on the same general plan. - -"So I say that the ideal of Williamism is that of the insect. The hive -is the empire. Its main purposes are storage and race perpetuation. -Its chief aim is efficiency. The nation is everything; the individual -nothing. The individual is to work and store and is not even to take the -time to cry if he feels like it. - -"The hive has only two purposes--storage and race perpetuation. These -purposes are carried out with ruthless and perfect efficiency. The -drones are stung to death as soon as they are discovered. - -"In Berlin fifty-three per cent, of the workers live with their -families in two rooms. - -"Now I deny that the main purposes of human life are storage and race -perpetuation and efficiency. If that were true, the man that had the -most cash and wives and children would be the greatest man in the world. - -"A few years ago a man died in England. He had only a few books and -about five hundred dollars in money. Yet he was called one of the -greatest men in the world. Every one took off his hat to that man -because he had _Character_, He was Cardinal Newman. - -"Lincoln died poor and he was about the homeliest, awkwardest man -in America, and yet the whole world mourned for him because he had -accumulated _Character._ - -"That is the great thing, and the main purpose of life is to develop -character in _individuals_. That development comes mostly through -failure. Success is the worst of teachers. - -"If one were to estimate the greatness of a people he would disregard -its armies and navies and the splendor of its cities and the deposits in -its banks, and go out to that people and appraise the character of its -_average man_,--his respect for honor and decency and especially his -respect for that great, world embracing unit known as human rights. - -"Right here I must tell you the story of - - -THE LEATHERHEAD MONARCH. - -"There was once a man who was born successful. He inherited success and -for many years kept it coming his way. Did you ever hear of a man of the -name of Shote? Of course not. Neither did I. That's one reason why I am -going to call him Shote--John Shote, if you please. My story is -strictly true, but I would ask no one to believe the name of its leading -character. - -"John was a great success. Some people called him a great man. Indeed, -everybody took off his hat and said: 'How do you do, Mr. Shote?' or -words to that effect when he came along. - -"I suppose you will think that Mr. Shote only nodded and passed on, but -he was not so bad as that. No, he answered: 'Very well, thank you,' and -went about his business. He failed to return your solicitude but did not -wonder at it. - -"He lived in a neighboring town--let us call it Shoteville--and was -soon, indeed, the principal Shote of Shoteville. The business was there. -It had always prospered. When his father died, John took the crown and -became a swearing, rantankerous tyrant. - -"He inaugurated a system of efficiency. He trusted nobody. There was an -indicator at the entrance of the big building and every worker great and -small had to touch a button on this indicator when he left or entered -the place. He had a kind of guillotine in the office and every day heads -fell into the basket. But when a man left Mr. Shote it was a point to -his credit in Shoteville. It showed that he was above being sworn at. It -was a kind of recommendation--a thing to boast of. Every one in the shop -was sooner or later called by Mr. Shote "a damn leather head." It was a -kind of initiation. If he accepted the classification and remained -Mr. Shote decided that he was amenable to discipline and thought him a -promising man. Outsiders looked down upon him. The men who stayed year -after year and endured the insults of Mr. Shote were known in that -community as 'the damn leatherheads.' - -"Every worker was a wheel or a shaft or a lever in the big machine. -When, worn or broken, he was cast aside. - -"It will be seen that Mr. Shote was one of the followers of William. -In his office were busts of Julius and Augustus Caesar and portraits -of Napoleon and Frederick the Great. He worshiped power and kicked the -common soldier. - -"While he was in America, I am glad to say he was not an American--not -really. To be sure he was born here and voted here, but he was really a -Prussian and his shop was a little kingdom in the midst of a democracy. - -"Mr. Shote really thought himself one of the noblest men that ever -lived. He was a great success even as a thinker. A man can think himself -into anything he pleases from a lobster to a saint. Just where he got -off I leave the reader to judge. - -"Unfortunately, Mr. Shote believed his own thoughts--all of them. It is -a dangerous habit to acquire--that of believing oneself--believe me. If -there's any one that requires careful corroboration it's yourself. Mr. -Shote could not help believing his own thoughts--they were so commanding -and imperious. - -"Whatever else we may say of him he was honest, as men go. He paid his -debts promptly and kept his credit high and even gave large sums to -charity. - -"His great lack was common sense; his great failing an uncontrolled -temper. When you become the pivot around which the whole world revolves -you are apt to get hot and noisy. The world bears down rather hard. So -Mr. Shote squeaked and roared with anger every day of his life. - -"His great vice was too much efficiency. No man in the plant had any -power of initiative, due to the fact that Mr. Shote had no faith in any -one but himself. The plant proceeded on an iron plan. - -"Now, every big thing that was ever accomplished has been the work of -some individual who at a critical moment has broken away from plans and -made his own orders and acted on them--the kind of thing that Grant -did at Appomattox; the kind of thing that Lincoln did in his great -proclamation. Bill Hohenzollern would have called it inefficiency. - -"Just that kind of thing would have saved Mr. Shote in the critical -moment of his career. That moment fell upon him like a thunderbolt out -of a dear sky one day. - -"If you sow Williamism you are bound to reap it Mr. Shote's lavish crop -ripened suddenly. - -"The 'Leatherheads' decided one day to meet efficiency with -_efficiency_. They were right Mr. Shote had been running a little -kingdom in America and the 'Leatherheads' founded one of their own. They -had started a union and appointed an emperor and told him to go ahead -and outkaiser the king. They struck for higher wages and fewer hours. -Mr. Shote was away at one of his palaces in the South. - -"Now all the trouble might have ended in a decent compromise that day if -the boss of the 'Leatherheads' on duty at the time had had the power and -courage to act on his own judgment and do a really big thing for once in -his life. He didn't have it. The wheels stopped. - -"The king returned. His irritation was heard in distant places. He would -never yield. His men were no longer 'Leatherheads.' They were inversely -promoted. It was a critical time in the business. The plant went into -default on its contracts. The king stood firm; so did the workers. - -"The plant was idle for months. It was the beginning of the end of Mr. -Shote's prosperity. His rivals captured his best men and his customers -and most of the good will he had enjoyed. The business went down like a -house of cards. - -"We often say that business is business here in America. It isn't so. -Business is more, much more than mere business here in America. It is -friendship, it is personality, it is credit--the credit for good sense -and square dealing and high character--a character that is shared in -some measure by every servant of the enterprise, be he manager or errand -boy. - -"That cohesive power that flows out of a great personality into the -whole structure of a business was not in the warp and woof of Mr. -Shote's commercial ramifications. They came to grief. So did Mr. Shote. - -"Then we discovered suddenly that Mr. Shote had two wives and two -families. As a husband and a father he had enjoyed a success at once -unusual and unsuspected. A superman is generally super married. He had -acquired imperial morals. The second wife appealed to the courts in a -wild yell for her stopped allowance and the result was that, in a short -time, Mr. Shote stood alone and universally despised between two family -fires. His efficiency had gone too far. - -"Again I say, success is the worst of teachers--save to those who sit in -the grand stand while it is working out its failure. Unfortunately, it -gave the laboring men of this country a lesson in Williamism which has -spread over America. I wish the workers all success in getting their -just share of the fruits of commerce, but let it be done by fair, -democratic methods and not through Williamism. - -"Above all no man should hitch his conscience to a post as if it were a -mule or a nanny-goat and go off and leave it. - -"It is to be hoped that the patriotic Samuel Gompers will not abandon -his pursuit of Williamism even after the war ends. - -"The big point of the whole thing is this: One day the Leatherhead -Monarch, came into this office, closed the door behind him, sat down -beside me and said: - -"'Mr. Potter, I see that I have the intellect of an idiot. What shall I -do to be saved?' - -"At last he had learned something--a really serviceable and important -fact--and he had learned it not by success but by failure." - -As he approached his climax, Mr. Potter had shown a little annoyance -at the arrival of the waiter and the hash and the eggs and the pie. Mr. -Potter rose, stood his rifle in a corner and said: - -"I regret that my climax and this wandering Ganymede with his load of -hash should have arrived at the same moment." - -The waiter spread the table in front of the fireplace. Mr. Potter put a -coin in his hand and pointing at the door said: - -"Go hence and come not back until to-morrow." - -He placed chairs by the table and we sat down. - -"Is this pie, apple, that I see before me the handle toward my hand?" he -playfully remarked, as he lifted a firm built piece of pie in his hand -and began to eat it in the old fashion. "Bread may be the staff of life, -but pie is the light in its windows. I don't want to be hurried by its -invitation, so I guess I'll get it out of the way." - - - - -CHAPTER III.--WHICH PRESENTS THE STORY OF THE SMOTHERED SON - - -Our dinner over, Mr. Potter put a new log on the fire. Then we set the -table aside and lighted our cigars. - -"There is another sector in the line of the Williamites that is pretty -thoroughly dug in," said the Honorable Socrates, as he put his feet upon -the fender and leaned back comfortably in his chair. "Let me tell you -the story of - - -THE SMOTHERED SON. - -"She was a Williamistic widow--the relict of the late Samuel Butters. - -"She was also a Shrimpstone, of Kalamazoo. My friend, why do you sit -there in cold indifference when I mention a fact so inspiring?" - -"Who were the Shrimpstones?" I inquired. - -"The Shrimpstones! Jiminy crickets! Is it possible that you are not -familiar with the fame of Joshua Shrimpstone?" - -"I have to plead guilty," was my answer. - -"To tell you the truth, so do I," he went on, "but my own ignorance -never surprises me. There is so much of it that a little more or less -does not matter. It is the ignorance of so many of my fellow -countrymen regarding this important subject that fills me with pity and -astonishment. I have never met a man who could give me the slightest -information regarding the Shrimpstones. - -"It would seem that Mrs. Butters enjoys an arrogant and heartless -monopoly of all knowledge about them. One does not feel like asking her -to dispel his ignorance when she speaks the word 'Shrimpstone' as if it -opened vistas of incomparable splendor and inspiration. No, there are -things which even a lawyer can not do. There is a special look -in her eye and a lyrical note in her voice when she says 'my -grandfather, the late Joshua Shrimpstone.' I imagine that Bill -Hohenzollern looks like that when he says: 'My grandfather, Frederick -the Great' But I imagine, too, that Bill's manner is a bit more casual. - -"I had done some business for Mrs. Butters now and then, and one day she -came to get my advice on a strictly personal matter. Her son, John -Shrimpstone Butters, was just out of college. She had expected Butters & -Bronson, of the great corset factory, in which she had a considerable -interest, to take him into the firm and give him a commanding position -in the office. As they had not come forward with an invitation, she had -asked them for that favor. They had refused--actually and firmly -refused--and what do you think they had offered John--a great grandson -of Joshua Shrimpstone? Why, they had offered him a place as errand boy -at five dollars a week. They actually expected him to begin at the -bottom of the ladder and work his way up as if he were nothing more than -the ambitious son of a ditch digger. Mrs. Butters lost her self-control -and sobbed as she confided the distressing fact to me. - -"I told her that I would have a talk with Bill Bronson, the head of the -firm, and see what could be done about it, and she left me. - -"In my talk with him, Bill said: - -"'We should like to do anything we can for Mrs. Butters's boy but all -we can do is to give him a chance--the same chance that my own boy will -have. He can begin at the bottom and we will push him along from one -department to another as rapidly as he can master its details. He must -learn every process from the making to the delivery of the goods. Above -all, he must learn to be a good salesman. After a few years he might -become the Butters of Butters & Bronson if he were willing to work -hard.' - -"I wired Mrs. Butters to call again at my office. She called. I told her -what Bill Bronson had said to me. - -"'What!' she exclaimed. 'He expects my son to become a common drummer -and travel around selling goods to little shopkeepers! Impossible!' - -"'Why?' I asked. - -"'Because he does not have to. My grandfather, the late Joshua -Shrimp-stone, left us enough so that we do not have to do that kind of -thing. Besides. I do not think it is necessary. My son has intelligence -enough to learn those menial pursuits without having to do them.' - -"'You are wrong,' I said. 'The American way is to begin at the bottom. -It's a very good way--the only way by which one may be thoroughly -prepared for management. In that way he gets hold of the sense that is -common in the rank and file of his army, and knowing that, he will know -what to do in every emergency.' - -"'If that is true, John might as well have been born poor. Does his -position and the fact that I have five thousand shares of stock count -for nothing?' - -"'Well, you get dividends on the stock. If you expect to get dividends -also on the position that you got from your grandfather you are wrong. -In this country we have no crown princes who begin at the top. Inherited -superiority is an amusing thing to look at but a poor foundation for -credit. In this country we bank on demonstrated superiority.' - -"Mrs. Butters rose and haughtily withdrew from my office with the pride -of the Shrimpstones glittering in her eye. - -"Now, John Butters was a good fellow. He was over-mothered. Indeed, the -word for it is smothered. He was like a man cast into the sea with a -Shrimpstone tied around his neck. He would have done well with half a -chance. I never saw a man so badly in need of poverty, so damned with -affectionate, gilded, comfortable female despotism. She bought one -business after another for him and put him in at the top. He has failed -in all these undertakings. His way is littered with broken crowns and -the wreckage of little kingdoms. - -"Now his youth is gone and he is the same useless, ineffective good -fellow that he was in the beginning. For years he and his mother have -been sitting on that high horse of hers and galloping around to the -amusement of all beholders. He has got tired of it and jumped off and -settled down as the clerk of a wife who takes him lightly. - -"He is the victim of assumed superiority which is nothing more or less -than Williamism." - - - - -CHAPTER IV.--WHICH HANDS OUT SOME SOME COMMON TO THE SUPERERS IN AMERICA - - -The Honorable Socrates Potter went to the typewriter and got some oil -and a cloth and began to clean the gun of his great grandfather as he -talked. - -"You see, William says: To hell with the common man. Let him do the work -and the fighting. We'll take the product of toil and the loot of war and -enjoy ourselves. We will not have a thing to do but super. If we glut -the officers of the army and our leading citizens with, the product and -the loot, they'll stand by us. - -"Is it not significant that the number of plutocrats in Germany has -doubled since the war began? William proposes to make human slaughter a -business. He is running a giant butcher shop. - -"Every idler, every superer is an ally of William and an enemy of -Democracy." - -"But they seem to get the best of it--these superers," I suggested. -"They have a lot of fun." - -"They seem to, but, soon or late, they learn it hasn't paid. They come -to grief or insanity--these slackers in the game of life. Let me tell -you the little story of - - -THE WEDDING TOURIST. - -"She had the most curious and painful brainful of sense preferred in the -whole show. - -"When I was a small boy my pocket was one day dispossessed of some green -apples, a quantity of horse nails and lead sinkers, a squirt gun, a -bird's nest; a piece of beeswax and a hawk's wing. This collection would -rank high as an exhibit of eccentric assets, but the contents of this -lady's mind belongs in the same alcove. - -"It is to be credited to Alabama where she was born about sixty years -before I met her in Paris last summer. She had a charming southern -accent. It was the best thing she had. I liked it. I like all those -little provincialisms which have the flavor of their native air and -soil. Why shouldn't the manner of decent men and women grow in the way -of nature out of their environment? I love the drawl that is the natural -product of New England, the quaint, indolent slur of Dixieland, the -breezy dialect of the Far West. If they all talked alike what a dull -country we should have! - -"Certain of the schools are trying to force a common method of speech. -It is the dialect of Mayfair and Fifth Avenue. It would seem that they -wish to turn us into human bricks of the same size, grade and color. -Under the encouragement of Mr. Henry James, whose slender Americanism -perished at last in formal expatriation, our New York and New England -girls have begun to talk like Duchesses. But among women of the South -and the Far West, you may still hear the real, genuine American talk. To -me it is refreshing. - -"At least this may be said for The Wedding Tourist--she was no -school-made, rococo Duchess. She was as real and unaffected as a bale of -hay. - -"Sometimes I call her The Grasshopper Widow because she was always -on the move. She had hopped twice around the world and back. When she -needed a husband she reached out and grabbed one and hastened away on -another wedding tour as if nothing had happened. - -"To her, life was a series of wedding tours. She had jumped from one -honeymoon to another in the most casual and engaging fashion. She was, -indeed, a kind of professional honey-mooner who from the beginning of -her matrimonial career had enjoyed the pseudonym of Baby. Inns, table -d'hôtes, ruins, art galleries, theaters, scenery and honey-fuglement had -filled her life. - -"She had explored the capitals of the world with real feminine -curiosity. She had loved their music and doted upon their art and tasted -their religion and rustled in their silks and generally beat the bushes -to see what would run out. - -"When we first met, a remark of hers suggested my query: - -"'Was your husband a Yale man?' - -"'Which one? I've had two an' a half.' - -"'Two and a half I I never heard of a fractional husband before.' - -"'My first husband was only half a man, suh. I married my guardian when -I was sixteen. He nevah would do a thing between trips but sit around -an' eat an' drink mint juleps. We went on our wedding tour and I kept -him going for two years, but it was hard work. Nearly wore me out. He -was like one of those toys that you have to wind up before it will go. -Always had a pain in his feet--nevah could dance or do a thing but just -sit, or ride on the cars or in a spring wagon. Lordy, girls! don't evah -marry a man 'til you've tried his feet an' have confidence in 'em. Now, -you hear me! He nevah did do a thing to please me but call me "Baby." - -"The next man I married had a sistuh with a weak mind by the name of -Peggy. I had to look after her an' she'd take out her mind, like, an' -open it an' show it to everybody that came into the house, an' turn it -inside out as if she was right proud of it. Honestly, it reminded me of -my boy when he got his first watch--how he'd open it an' show you the -works an' then hold it up to your ear so you could hear it tick. That's -what Peggy was always doing with her mind, recitin' poetry or showin' -you pearls of thought taken out of the clam beds of her intellect. It -certainly was awful! - -"Tercy Higginbottom had a wooden leg an' limped some, but the worst -thing about him was Peggy. I have erected a monument a mile high to that -man in the graveyard of my memory. He was right good to me. He would -stump around all day lookin' at sights and take me to the theater in the -evening and to supper afterwards and nevah murmured. Sometimes his leg -got sore but he kept up. - -"'I married him in Paris. We started off on our weddin' tour an' it -lasted about fifteen years. We traveled an' traveled all that time. We -played we was just married and on our honeymoon. - -"'He used to say: "Baby, what a wonderful time we are having on this -wedding tour."' - -"'We had two children--a boy and a girl. Once a year we'd come back to -Paris and spend two or three months with them.' - -"'You didn't take them with you?' - -"'We left them with Mr. Higginbottom's mothah an' a nurse an' governess. -Peggy, the sistuh with a weak mind, went with us--she was all the care -we needed. She knew enough to hook an' button my dresses an' help me -pack. She was the only black spot in all those happy years. - -"'Percy took care o' my jewels. It was all he had to do.' - -"'A tender husband and a watch dog of the jewels!' I remarked. - -"'And there were hours when it kept him mighty busy--you hear me. I -can't help laughin' whenever I think of it. - -"'Once we missed one of my rings. We thought it had been stolen. The -hotel manager had every maid and bell boy brought into our room and -searched. Suddenly Percy found it in a waistcoat pocket. - -"'One evening we were gettin' off a steamer. Suddenly I slapped my hand -on my breast and yelled: - -"'"My sunburst! Lord o' mercy! it's gone!"' - -"'I was suah that I had put it on. We ran back up the gangway. We had -only five minutes. Peggy fainted away--she was that weak-minded. You -didn't dare sneeze for fear she would faint away. Percy grabbed her. I -ran for the stateroom an' found the sunburst where I had left it under -my pillow. We were all in, believe me--it nearly killed us. When -we moved Percy always called the roll like: "The ruby ring," an' I -answered, "Here."' - -"The jade necklace." - -"Here." Like that, until we knew that we had them all. That evening we -didn't have time. - -"'But we certainly did see the world until we lost something better than -all the jewels. Lordy! Lordy! what a world it is!' - -"'The boy died when he was eight. We were in Cairo. We hurried back to -Paris. Mr. Higginbottom was nevah the same after that. I nevah could get -him out of Paris again. He died there. - -"'My next husband was the dearest and best man that evah did live. I met -him here in Paris. His name was Horton. Weighed three hundred and fifty -pounds. Some man! I says to myself: Now here's a man that'll las' me as -long as I live. He drank too much, but I soon cured him o' that. He gave -it up entirely an' our weddin' tour lasted 'til he died.' - -"'Perhaps it wore him out,' I suggested. - -"'No, he liked it and we were just as happy as two turtle doves. When -I asked him to do anything, he would always say: "Well, Baby, you know -best."' - -"'But he couldn't walk much. Weight was his great weakness. If you were -jus' to think of him as a husband he was a little heavy; but no man is -perfect.' - -"'We had a big limousine an' he toted me around in that an' hired a maid -to climb stairs an' go to the churches an' theaters an' art galleries -with me.' - -"'My daughtah had married an' settled in Chicago. One Decembah we -thought it would be nice to go and spend Christmas with her. I just -thought I'd stop beating around and get acquainted with my own family. -We left Paris on the tenth and reached Chicago on the twenty-second. I -called my daughtah on the telephone from our hotel.' - -"'"My goodness! Is that you?" she said. - -"'"Yes," I said, "we have come all the way from Paris to spend Christmas -with you." - -"'I'm awfully sorry, mothah," she says. "The house will be full -Christmas Day, but we'll have you for New Yeah's." - -"She stopped and wiped the tears from her eyes. - -"'Say, I felt as if I had been hit with an axe. My husband said: - -"'Well, Baby, I guess they don't want us. Don't you mind. We'll have a -good Christinas dinner here at the hotel and then we'll go and spend a -month in New York." - -"'I stopped traveling and went to thinking. Poor Mr. Horton didn't live -long. Now he's gone an' I haven't anybody. No, my daughtah does not -care for me. Her ol' nurse lives with her--an ignorant French woman. I -offered to work hard if she would send that nurse away an' take me to -live with her. She wouldn't do it--no, suh! She loves that nurse an' -doesn't care for me--not the snap of her fingah. I have been trying to -get a chance to work for the Red Cross. My money is about gone. They -say money talks but all it evah says to me is "good-by." My daughtah's -husband has offered me a small allowance, but I will not take their -money--no, suh! One wants affection from her daughtah--not charily! -Lordy! what a world it is an' what fools we are!' - -"'You've been playing ever since you were a little girl, and you're -tired.' - -"'Yes, I'm tired. I remember how my big brother used to come an' plague -me an' break my toys. That is what Death has been doing to me. Wouldn't -let me alone. I reckon he saw how foolish I was. I've seen about -everything but I think the grandest sight in the world would be some one -who was glad to see _me_. You can't make friends an' be always on the -move.' - -"I suppose she had come back to Paris to comb the beach for another -wreck. But her beauty was gone--so was her occupation of Baby. - -"Often, I wonder just how the story is to end--the story of that -pathetic woman who was reaping what she had sown--the harvest of the -childless mother. - -"Well, anyhow, at last, common sense had landed in her intellect. She -had never given it a chance before. Hadn't stood still long enough." - - - - -CHAPTER V. WHICH DROPS A FEW ROUNDS OF SHRAPNEL ON THE HUNS IN AMERICA - - -Mr. Potter had got through with the gun. He rose and went to the wash -basin as if intending to wash his hands. He turned suddenly as if he -thought Germany were more in need of a washing. He strode toward me with -a new idea gleaming in his eye and said: - -"Darn it, I ain't got time to wash now. These Germans claim that they -are the freest people in the world, and they are right." - -He thumped the table with a shut fist as he resumed his talk. - -"One kind of liberty thrives under the Hohenzollerns: license is the -precise word for it--not liberty--license to eat and drink and be sorry- --to satisfy the appetites of the flesh. The great crowd will stand a lot -of tampering with its rights if you give it a good time--a broad -privilege of self-indulgence. The Germans were a great people when Bill -Hohenzollern took the reins of power--good-natured, industrious, God- -fearing. The young men were encouraged to found their happiness on the -sands of women, wine and song. - -"The wine press and the beer vat are the indispensable adjuncts of -Hohenzollerism. Alcohol is the balm of the mislaid conscience, the -nourishment of the big-head and the pneumatic brain. These things lead -to worse things. Swinish indulgence leads to the morals of the -swine-yard. - -"The church began to lose its power. The clergy were treated as -Frederick treated the common soldier. They were kicked into servility. -At first this kicking was politely done. Often the sore part was salved -by the gift of a hundred marks. They were treated like hired men. They -were to understand that they were just humble servants and that the -Kaiser needed none of their advice. He knew all about the plans of God. -Of course, in a little while, no man of brains and character would go -near a pulpit. The priests of God became servile sycophants. The people -ceased to respect them. The church had lost its power. To Germany it was -an immeasurable loss. - -"In France I found good evidence of the utter depravity of the German -soldier. God knows I would not have thought it possible--the raping, -the maiming of children, the daughters of whole communities carried into -bondage. I would have thought that the decency common among dogs, even, -in a Christian country, these days, would have shielded the helpless -from such cruelty. It is evident that the officers gave countenance and -encouragement to these crimes, or they could not have been accomplished. -At the knowledge of these things, a cry of shame for their brothers in -Germany has risen from the lips of all civilized men the world over. - -"The infamy goes back to the men higher up--to Bill Hohenzollern and his -gang of pirates and highwaymen. They have slain the soul of Germany. - -[Illustration: 0101] - -"I am told by men who have lived there that in certain provinces a -chaste woman is a thing unknown. Let us hope this exaggerates the truth. -As to that I have no knowledge. But that the land of the Kaiser has lost -its chivalry I have no doubt whatever. The loss of chivalry stands for -the loss of conscience--for moral degradation. A man's value as a man -may be accurately measured by his respect for women. A man who has no -respect for women will have respect for your rights only because he has -to. He would steal your purse if he dared. He is rotten to the core. -Moreover, unless women are pure there can be no purity because they have -the tender soul of childhood in their keeping. - -"We ought to establish a moral quarantine here and save ourselves from -the peril of German leprosy. It has arrived. It is spreading. You will -find its symptoms in our theaters, now largely in the hands of the -Germans. - -"I have traveled much these late years and have failed to find an -American city in which there was not one or more plays or moving -pictures which reflected the morals of the swine-yard. There I have -found girls and boys and children who are to make the life of America, -drinking at the fountain of pollution, cleverly designed by the sex -maniacs who live in the white lights of Broadway. On every sort of -specious pretext--mostly that of warning the young--spaniel youths -and porcelain-faced daughters of iniquity are paraded in libidinous -enterprises. The cabarets and brothels of New York, with their fist -fights between young women, their desperate, bull-dog encounters between -sex maniacs, their ogling, besotted degenerates, sometimes with a -lame pretense of a moral and sometimes without it, are shown for the -entertainment of young America. - -"The Huns have already invaded America, my friend. They are armed with -things more deadly than guns and bullets. Their gun is the camera, their -ammunition, the moving picture. That picture penetrates to the heart -and soul of the young and no surgery can remove it. To them, seeing is -believing. - -"A man is mostly the sum of his memories. Think back and tell me what -you remember of your childhood. It's the pictures you saw. I think the -first thing I remember is the picture of a cat which my mother drew on a -slate for me--a highly benevolent cat it was. The one I have remembered -best is that of my mother standing in the morning sunlight among the -hollyhocks by the open door and waving her handkerchief to me the day I -went away to school. How often it has flashed out of my memory in these -last forty years. There is no power like that of a picture for good or -evil in the life of a child. Pictures are, indeed, the universal -language of childhood. - -"Now what is there in this special claim of the sex mongers that the -truth about life--however hideous and revolting it may be--would best -be known of all? Just this--it should be made known but not publicly in -books and theaters. It should not be made a familiar thing--sitting at -meat and lying down in bed with the sensitive imagination of the young. -That will be sure to make it the one great truth of life. I prefer -the privacy of home and the loving caution of a mother, taking care to -impart the whole truth with its setting of perils and with no glamour -of romance about it. I would as soon have my daughter's feet enter a -brothel as her brain. She might shake the dust from her feet. - -"What were the fruits of this home method in old New England? I would -remind these European Americans who provide our amusements for us that -the world has never seen a civilization like that of old New England. -I am not saying that it had no faults, but its human product has justly -excited the wonder and admiration of the world. There was not much of -it. You could pick up those six little states and set them down within -the boundaries of Minnesota and have 19,200 square miles to spare. Yet -they gave to the world in the space of forty years, men of the stamp of -Daniel Webster, Silas Wright, Charles Sumner, William Lloyd Garrison, -William M. Evarts, George F. Edmunds, James G. Blaine, E. J. Phelps, -Rufus Choate, Henry Ward Beecher, Dr. Channing, Lyman Abbott, Ralph -Waldo Emerson, Oliver Wendell Holmes, Henry W. Longfellow, John G. -Whittier, James Russell Lowell, Edmund C. Stedman, the Dwights, the -Washburns. - -"Wouldn't that seem to be doing fairly well? - -"Now the fact is, men and women long for inspiration to a nobler life. -There are those who will tell you that the crowds who go to hear Billy -Sunday, do it simply to be amused. It is not true. It is a deeper thing. -They go, driven by soul hunger. They long for wholesome food for -the spirit. They wish to be stirred to nobler action and feel the -inspiration of better ideals. They come by tens of thousands. - -"There never was a clean, uplifting, noble work of fiction that did not -number its readers by the million. There never was a strong inspiring -play--like _Peter Pan_ or _Shore Acres_--that failed to play to the full -capacity of the house in which it was presented for years. - -"Why then, ask us to wallow in all uncleanness--in the swine-yard of -humanity? - -"It is because uncleanness is cheaper and easier to get and is sure of -an audience equally large and less discriminating; it is because these -Huns care only for their own pockets and not a fig for the public good. - -"Now, here is a work for the women of America. Here is a battle front on -which they can fight the Huns. Men can help and will help, but they are -busy with the more obvious and commonplace problems. This is a job of -housecleaning. It is primarily a woman's job--that of setting in -order the great house of America and looking after the welfare of its -children. There is no greater work to be done than that of regenerating -the theater. They can do it if they will." - - - - -CHAPTER VI.--WHICH IS MOSTLY FOR THE BOYS OF OUR ARMY - - -The Honorable Socrates Potter hung up the old rifle and washed his -hands. There was a very gentle look in his eyes as he began pacing the -floor. I saw: that another mood was coming. - -"We must learn that wealth is no excuse for idleness or pride," he went -on. "Every one must find his work and do it, or come to grief--that is -the conclusion of the whole matter. We have our European Americans--our -Mislaid Consciences, our Leatherhead Monarchs, our Smothered Sons, our -Shrimpstones, our Wedding Tourists. We must use the slipper with a firm -but kindly hand, and remind them that they are of the Hohenzollern -breed and request them to fall in line and get the pace and spirit of -Democracy. - -"With all our faults we are, in the main, sound and healthy. Our average -man can be relied upon. He is our heart and sinew. We need not boast of -him. He is willing to give all rather than see the spirit of man yield -an inch of the progress it has made. That is enough to say of him. If -any European country can match him, we are glad and he is glad--not -envious. - -"Our average man would enjoy a drink now and then, but in many of our -states he has said: 'If the good of humanity demands it, let there be -prohibition--anyhow we will give it a trial.' - -"The trouble with Russia lies in the fact that among its people there -are no individuals--no men trained in the use of the intellect and the -conscience. Its people are like bricks, all of the same shape, size -and color--all two inches wide and six inches long. They have a common -denominator of material and a common numerator of ignorance. Between -them and their rulers there has been no average man to speak for them, -so the people are helpless. They know not what to say or do. They have -been Kerenskyed and Trotskyfied and driven about like cattle. - -"The Germans have an average man, but he has suffered himself to be -Williamized. His conscience has been mislaid. - -[Illustration: 0117] - -"Since 1860 this average man of ours has given of his blood and -substance for the ideals of Democracy and with not the remotest hope of -gain. His God is the father of the whole human family--a God of progress -whose aim is not the selfish enjoyment of a favored few, but the welfare -of all men the world over. His aim is, in short, common sense--a common -sense of honor and decency and brotherhood in the great family. - -"Again we fight for this ideal--driven to it by the hateful conduct of -our brothers in Germany. - -"I wish you would say for me to the folks at home that there is a great -opportunity in this big common purpose of ours--an opportunity to drop -all outworn and unessential differences of creed and get together. Let -us inaugurate the Ismless Sunday and cut out the waste--the waste of -rent and interest and coal and light and energy. Let us cut out the -empty seats and the empty preachers and the quarrelsome brothers and -sisters and get together in the biggest meeting-house in town on a -basis of common sense--the common sense of the fatherhood of God and the -brotherhood of man with Christ as the great example. Let us not worry -and quarrel as to whether Christ was God or man. He was the first -and greatest Democrat and would have us work together in peace for -Democracy. That is the important thing. - -"Tell those ladies who sit around the fireplace knitting sweaters and -indulging in delicious chills of pessimism, to quit. There should be -an asylum for the misery lovers who sit in snug security and dream of -misfortunes--Zeppelin raids, submarine bombardments and the end of the -world. They grab at every straw of pessimism. Nothing pleases them so -much as to find fault with the Government, which is doing its best with -a difficult problem, and mighty well at that. - -"Tell them to stop shooting at the pianist. He is the only one we have. -All faces to the front! The spirit of Democracy is _confidence_ in the -justice and the success of its cause. Let there be no discordant voices -in our chorus. - -"That reminds me of the story of - - -THE CUFFING OF ANN MARIA. - -"In the town of my birth there lived a hen-pecked farmer of the name of -Amos Swope. He was a peaceful and contented soul without any good excuse -for it. His wife, Ann Maria, was a scold and a fault finder. She had -pecked upon Amos for years. When she got tired her sister came and -helped her. My father used to say that they reminded him of Philo -Scott's pet crane. Philo used to lead him around with a big cork stuck -on the end of his bill. - -"'What is that cork on his bill for?' my father asked. - -"'So's 't he can't peck,' said Philo. - -"'Can he peck?' - -"'Tolerable severe, an' when he hits anything he calcallates to put a -hole in it, an' he ain't often disapp'inted. One day my dog, Christmas, -tackled him and the old crane fetched Christmas a peck on the forward -an' I ain't seen that dog since. He's just naturally mean an' he ain't -never learnt how to control himself.' - -"So it was with Ann Maria and her sister. But Amos used to sit as quiet -and unconcerned as an old tree with a pair of wood-peckers knockin' away -at it. He never pecked back but once. - -"They had gone up to the St. Lawrence to camp out an' fish for a week or -so--Amos and his boy, Bill, and Ann Maria and her sister. One day when -they were landing a big fish they got into the stiff current above the -Long Sault. Something had to be done right away. Amos dropped his tackle -and began pulling on the oars. Bill went to work with his paddle. The -women began to complain an' move around and rock the boat. They knew -they were going to be drowned. They insisted upon it with loud cries. -Amos, in the midst of heroic efforts, tried to quiet them. They -continued to cry out and when the boat shipped water they dodged. It was -a bad situation. - -"Amos fetched Ann Maria a cuff and told her to dry up an' sit still. The -women obeyed him. When they were out of danger he said: - -"'It ain't fair to expect a man to rassle with a strong current an' run -an insane asylum all in the same minute. If ye can't help, don't hinder. -You two have been rockin' the boat for years an' I guess it's about time -ye quit.' - -"People used to say that Ann Maria turned over a new leaf and behaved -herself proper after that. - -"There's some folks that are pecking at the country these days. We're -in the current of the Long Sault and Uncle Sam has the oars. We should -remember that if we can't help we mustn't hinder. We can help William a -lot by just yelling and rocking the boat. - -"I wish you would say to the boys in camp on both sides of the ocean -that I should like to go and share their work and perils. Last autumn -I crossed the French and British lines where hostile shells were -bursting--sometimes uncomfortably near me--and went within ninety feet -of the German trenches. I have tried the perils which our boys will have -to suffer, but, unfortunately, I am too old to fight with them. - -"It is a great privilege they enjoy--that of going out to battle for -honor and decency and the good of the world. They have entered the great -university of common sense. There is no other like it. What a school -is that comradeship of the camp and the trenches! For the first time in -history the whole civilized world stands shoulder to shoulder." - -"Do you think our boys are likely to profit by their experience?" I -asked. - -"It all depends on the boy. - -"Let me tell you a story just as I heard it from the lips of an American -soldier lad. I would call it: - - -THE ALL HE LIFE - -"He was a big, broad shouldered, brawny man with a rugged manner of -speech. He described himself very well when he said to me: I can think -as pure white as anybody but I want to talk like a he man.' - -"He had been wounded by a burst of shrapnel and was not badly hurt, -although one side of his face looked as if it had been raked by the -claws of a leopard. He had told me that for a day after the accident -he had heard a sound in his head 'like two skeletons rassling on a tin -roof.' - -"Who but an American soldier in France would talk like that? Indeed -I found that he was from Kansas City and had the mixed dialect of the -midcountry. - -"'Do you think it makes ye better or worse--this game of war?' I asked. - -"'Well, sir, I'd say better,' he answered. 'Ye get things measured up -right, over here. Ye learn how to use yer thinker. Nobody knows what -peace and home and friends are worth 'til they're gone and ye don't know -whether you're ever going to see 'em again or not It ain't a bad thing -to live the all he life a while and see the family in dreams. They look -so gol durnably different. I reckon it's helped me. Maybe I better -tell ye a little story and you'll see what I mean. It'll be a Christmas -story. - -"'We were in the ruined city of Peronne that Christmas Day. My friend -and I were homesick and had tramped across country from the camp of our -engineering corps to send a message to our wives in Kansas City, and -to blow ourselves to a good dinner with a bottle of wine and cigars if -money could buy 'em. We were a little over beaned and tea!--gosh! we -were soaked in it, and that French tobacco reminded me of my father's -cure for the epizootic. We had been gander-dancing on a new railroad for -weeks. We were shovel tired and kind o' man weary. By thunder! we hadn't -seen a woman in three months. - -"'You who see women every day don't realize that they're a pretty -necessary part of the scenery. Oh, you don't miss 'em for a week or -so, but by and by you begin to find out there's something wrong. Things -don't look right. The hole in the doughnut is too big. You'd be kind -o' glad to hear what somebody said at the Woman's Club, and all about -Betsey Baker's new pink silk, and how shabby that one old dress of -your wife's was getting to be. You'd like to see a set o' skirts come -along--I _guess._ It would kind o' comfort you. If you didn't have -pretty good self-control you'd get up and wave your hat and holler. - -"'Then--_children_--that's another thing you miss. We don't see 'em on -the battle front--ne'er a one! What a hole they make in the world when -you take 'em out of it!--especially if you've got some of your own. They -come to me in my dreams--the wife and babies! I'll bet ye there's -more'n a thousand of 'em crowding into that big camp every night, about -dream-time, and looking for theirs. - -"'Oh, I wouldn't have ye get the idea that we set and sob and talk mush -and look sorrowful there. If you just grabbed a look at us and went on -you'd say we were no Hamlets. Gosh, no! We play cards and joke and laugh -and tell stories a plenty. You wouldn't get what's down under it all -unless some feller kind o' confessed and turned state's evidence. No, -sir--I don't believe you would. - -"'I'm just telling ye enough to make ye understand why We went out to -Peronne that Christmas Day and what happened to us there. I speak -French pretty glib--that's another reason why we went. My mother was -a Louisiana French woman. I got it from her when I was a little -chap--never forgot it--and I bossed a gang of Frenchmen for two years. - -"'We found a man who ran a little grocery shop and restaurant down in -one of the old cellars. He had had a fine big café up-stairs before the -German army swatted the town with dynamite. He was a sad little man who -lived down there in the lamplight with his wife. The Huns had carried -their two daughters away with them. He had cleaned the litter out of his -cellars and repaired their walls and so they had a home and something to -do. - -"'I asked him if he could get up a good dinner for us. - -"'"Oui, Monsieur," he answered promptly. "I can get you a fine duck and -celery and preserved strawberries, and I could make a little pastry." - -"'"How much for the dinner?" - -"'"Thirty francs--I can not make it less." - -"'"Make it forty and we'll call it a bargain," I urged. - -"'You should have seen the smile on his face then. - -"'"Les Americans! They always talk like that--God be with them!" he -said. "Trust me, Monsieur. I will make you happy." - -"'Dinner would be ready in two hours and we went out for a walk and -a look at the waste of ruins. It seemed as if there were miles of -them--honestly! You see they loaded every basement with dynamite and -wired the whole place and then touched the button. Down it came. There -isn't a roof standing. We tramped about looking for relics. It was a -pretty day and warm in the sunlight. - -"'Suddenly a woman, dressed in black, with a little girl about six years -old--spick and span and pretty as a picture--came along. They looked -like angels to us. Didn't seem so they was exactly human. We stood -watching 'em. - -"'I reckon I'd have give about a year o' my life for a day's use o' that -kid--honestly. I'd just like to have got down on the ground and rolled -and hollered and tickled and tossed her just as I used to play with my -own kids. My hands itched to get hold of her. We followed along behind -'em kind o' hankerin' and a wishin'. She was a pretty little thing as ye -ever looked at, with curly hair hanging down on her shoulders and shiny, -silver buckled slippers and white stockin's. I just wanted to frame up -some kind of excuse to speak to 'em, but I suppose they wouldn't have -understood me. - -"'They stopped and looked around a minute and then the woman opened -an iron gate and they went into one of the old dooryards. When we came -along we saw that the woman was sitting amongst the rubbish and crying. - -"'"It's her home--dummed if it ain't," I whispered. - -"'I reckon 'twas natural for 'em to come back to it on Christmas -Day--plumb natural to come back to where they had been happy once with -all the family around. What a place! You'd think that an earthquake -and a cyclone had gone into partnership for about a minute and done a -smashing business. About half the back wall was standing and there hung -a little corner of the attic floor and the wind had blown the dirt up -there and some flowers and grass all withered by the cold had sprung up -in it, and beyond that was an old baby carriage with a ragged top and a -spinning-wheel. - -"'The little girl didn't seem to notice her mother. She was running -around on the ruins and picking up broken dishes. I reckon that kid had -got used to the crying of men and women. The sight of grief didn't worry -her any more--not a bit. She was flying around like a bird on the ruins. - -"'We sat down behind some bushes by the iron fence just to see what -happened. - -"'By and by I heard the little girl call in a voice that kind o' made me -swaller--honest it was as sweet as the first bird song in the spring. - -"'"Mother! Mother!" she called. - -"'"What is it--little one!" the mother answered. - -"'"Dinner's ready." - -"Talk about silver bells! Say, mister, never again! Honest, I never heard -a sound like the voice of that kid. It kind o' floored me--sure thing! -Up there at the front we just hear the growling of cannon and the -whinnying of horses and the swearing of men day and night. Maybe that's -why the kid's voice took hold of us that way. I don't know. After I had -heard it I felt as if I could walk to Kansas City. Honest Injun! - -"'We peeked through the bushes and saw that the little girl had dragged -a board between her and her mother and covered it with broken dishes. -Then she began to chitter-chatter. - -"'Here's some lovely soup and there's a fine goose and a great bowl full -of the best jelly that ever was and potatoes and celery and spinach and -everything that you like, mother. It's a Christmas dinner you know. -Papa will sit here and Henri will sit there and we are going to have the -grandest time." - -"'So the little chatter-box went on--good deal like a fine lady--and her -mother said: - -"'"Papa! Henri! They are not here! They will eat no more with? us." - -"'"Why?" - -"'"_Mort pour la patrie_--both of them! my child!" - -"'"No, mother, they are here. I can see them just as plain! Come, -mother, they are waiting!" - -"'Oh, by thunder! If I only had a mind like that I said to myself--a -mind that hadn't got so kind of stiff and sore and muscle bound--a mind -that was so clean and supple and that hadn't forgotten how to believe in -the things I do not see. Or do ye suppose that the clear eyes of a kid -can realty see things that we can't? - -"'"God bless you--nay little saviour! You know how to make me -happy--don't ye?" said the mother with her handkerchief at her eyes. - -"Then they both sat down there and began to eat that ghostly dinner with -the ghosts of the dead. - -"'Gosh all hemlock! I just shut my eyes and heard a sound like a wind -blowing in my head. I turned and whispered to my pal.' - -"'"You stay here. I'll be back right away."' - -"Then I sloped on my tiptoes. Went to the cellar and found that man -and brought him with me. I told him to invite them to dinner and that I -would pay for it. I didn't care if it took the last sous marquee in my -breeches. - -"When we got back they were both singing _The Marseillaise_, that -my mother taught me when I was a kid, as they sat at their Christmas -dinner: - - - Amour sacré de la patrie - - Conduis soutiens nos bras vengeurs - - Liberté Liberté cherie, - - Combats avec tes défenseurs! - - -"They heard us coming and stopped. Can ye beat it? Say, mister, the -boches might as well try to conquer the birds of the air. - -"The man knew them. They had been well off and respectable folks in -Peronne before the war. Now they were refugees living on charity in a -distant village. - -"'We gave them a part of our dinner but I do not think they were as -happy in the cellar as they had been with the ghosts. They were very -glum but we--well, ye know, sir, I reckon they helped our Christmas a -lot. You bet I do. - -"'Ye know I had him put three extra plates at oar table--one for Mary -and one for little Kate and one for my roguish boy Bill. Say, I had -learned something from that kid--you bet. It isn't necessary for me to -fall asleep to have 'em with me now. - -"The eats! Say, Fred Harvey wouldn't be deuce high with that little -Frenchman. - -"'We had _some_ dinner, don't you doubt it, my friend, and forgot that -there was a war. - -"'And ye know the funny part of it is this: Mary wrote me of her dream -that she and the kids had dinner with me on Christmas Day.' - -"I have told you this story because it gives you a day in the life of an -American soldier, with its psychological background and a glimpse of the -fatherless children. If you were one of the boys in khaki I would remind -you that, after all, there is only one great thing in the world--man. -What an extension of human sympathy and understanding is coming to you, -my bright young soldier lad! As it comes it will go out in some measure -to the duller fellows who share your thought and meat and perils. - -"You will have a wiser brain, a nobler spirit and a stronger body. This -digging and marching and sweating in the open is the best thing that can -happen to you. I often thought that no wiser thing could be done for our -college boys than mobilize them every summer and send them to camp in -the wheat-fields for two or three months of hard work. - -"What's the matter with an army of peace, with its companies, regiments -and divisions, doing, under military discipline, constructive instead of -destructive work--doing the things that need most to be done, getting -in the harvests or building roads? It might give a part of its time each -day to military training, especially to rifle practise. It would be a -school of Democracy. Its best product would be spirit, its next best -brawn, and last of all the work done. - -"You will encounter perils in France, my brave lad, and the least of -them will be those of the battle-field. It is when you go to Paris on -leave that I would have you look out for yourself. - -"I'm not much of a preacher. I am not so foolish as to think that all -wisdom is in the Bible. To speak honestly, I am inclined to think that -there are many things in the Bible which oughtn't to be there. The -Kaiser seems to me to be imitating the sanctified slayers of the Old -Testament. You will find chapters there which read like a report of the -German General Staff after a successful drive. It is there that crazy -Bill finds his warrant for disemboweling so many people and mistreating -his prisoners. That kind of history should be summarily deprived of the -odor of sanctity, in my humble opinion. - -"But there is one sentence of Scripture that I would have you -remember--my brave, fine fellows who are to fight under this flag -of ours. Having lived some fifty years and been a somewhat careful -observer, I would call it the most impressive sentence ever written. It -is full of vital truth. Every young man ought to read it once a day and -think of it as often as he is tempted. It is from the book of Job and it -says: - -"'His bones are full of the sin of his youth, which shall lie down with -him in the dust.' - -"Think it over, boys. Think of that word 'bones' which indicates how -deeply it lays hold of you, and of the clause 'which shall lie down with -him in the dust,' which indicates that only death can break its hold. - -"Don't let the optimistic young doctors fool you. It is a serious -matter. You can get along with the mud and vermin of the trenches. They -will only afflict the outside of you. The main thing is to keep clean -inside. Don't allow your life currents to be polluted. See that you -bring bade to your home a clean body. - -"You will do this, unless, when you go to Paris or to some other city, -on leave, you fall for that French wine and lose your head in the -process. Let it alone, I beg of you, and remember that your greatest -peril is not on the battle-field. - -"Do not for a moment lose faith in the issue. 'The cause of Liberty -bequeathed from sire to son, though baffled oft is ever won.' - -"I have seen how eagerly, how cheerfully the young men at the front -give their lives for something greater than they. It has filled me with -wonder. - -"I have a little farm out here on the hills. It has helped me to -understand the world I live in and especially these boys. How often -I have seen the winds of autumn strip the grove and garden of their -loveliness until nothing was left but dead stalks and bare branches. -The captains and the kings had departed. I have seen them returning--the -delicate green of the new leaves in spring, the grass, the violets, and -here are the familiar sprouts of the poison ivy. I thought that I had -tom the last of it out of the ground last summer, but here it is. - -"Everything passes away but it returns, and the noxious ivy is the -most persistent returner of all. I am busy fighting it every spring and -summer. - -"So it is with this world of men. Caesar dies, despotism is uprooted, as -we thought, and we discover that they have returned and are busy growing -and spreading their roots. Everything returns if you give it a chance. -Herod has returned and is slaying the male children. Pilate has returned -and is sitting in judgment. - -[Illustration: 0141] - -"Do you tell me that Jesus Christ will return? Nay, I tell you He has -already returned. He is in the camps and on the battle-fields of France -and Belgium. He is in the hearts of the young men who are dying as He -died to make men free. - -"So, my young soldier lads of Great Britain, France, Italy and the -United States, I take off my hat and bare my gray head when you march by -me, for I know why you are so brave." - -It was near midnight when the country lawyer and I left his office and -headed up the main street of the village toward his home. After a moment -of silence we reached the public square and then he directed my eyes -toward the glowing lamp of Jupiter in the sky. - -"When you get to wondering at God's neglect of His duty, it's a good -idea to go out and take a look at the stars riding up there in the -sunlight," he said. "I guess this little world of ours has got to take -care of itself. Kind o' looks to me as if God had enough of His own work -to do, especially when so many of us are loafing. I don't see how we -can complain if we do have to 'tend to our own business. We've been -depending a long time on prayer an' indolence an' good luck while we let -the weeds grow in the garden. I rather guess we'll have to do our own -hoein'. Every man to his hoe! And let's take care that the weeds don't -get too far ahead of us again. - -"If this planet is to be a safe and decent place to live upon, there -should be an International School Commission agreed as to one main -purpose--that of cultivating good will between the races which inhabit -it. Of course, no power could remove all the lies from history, but I -hope that the lies and also the truth of it could be so put as to rob -them of the seed of bitterness, even against the Germans." - -THE END - - - - - - - - -End of Project Gutenberg's Keeping Up with William, by Irving Bacheller - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK KEEPING UP WITH WILLIAM *** - -***** This file should be named 50093-8.txt or 50093-8.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/0/0/9/50093/ - -Produced by David Widger from page images generously -provided by the Internet Archive - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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