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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ffa646f --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #50088 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/50088) diff --git a/old/50088-0.txt b/old/50088-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index aa2c0f8..0000000 --- a/old/50088-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,5085 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Marryers, by Irving Bacheller - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - - - -Title: The Marryers - A History Gathered from a Brief of The Honorable Socrates Potter - -Author: Irving Bacheller - -Release Date: September 30, 2015 [EBook #50088] -Last Updated: March 12, 2018 - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MARRYERS *** - - - - -Produced by David Widger from page images generously -provided by the Internet Archive - - - - - - - - - -THE MARRYERS - -A History Gathered from a Brief of The Honorable Socrates Potter - -By Irving Bacheller - -Illustrated - -Harper and Brothers Publishers New York and London - -MCMXIV - - - -OFFICE OF SOCRATES POTTER - -Pointview, Conn. - -To the Honorable Judges of Decency and Good Behavior the World Over: - -My friend, the novelist, has prevailed upon me to write this brief in -behalf of my country and against certain feudal tendencies therein. I -have tried to tell the truth, but with that moderation which becomes a -lawyer of my age 'and experience. It is bad manners to give a guest more -wine than he can carry or more truth than he can believe. In these pages -there is enough wine, I hope, for the necessary illusion, and enough -truth, I know, for the satisfaction of my conscience. I hasten, to add -that there is not enough of wine or truth to stagger those who are not -accustomed to the use of-either. I warned the novelist that nothing -could be more unfortunate for me than that I should betray a talent for -fiction. He assures me that my reputation is not in danger. - - - - -THE MARRYERS - - - - -I.--IN WHICH MR. POTTER PRESENTS THE SINGULAR DILEMMA OF WHITFIELD -NORRIS, MULTIMILLIONAIRE - - I HAVE just returned from Italy--the land of love and song. To any who -may be looking forward to a career in love or song I recommend Italy. -Its art, scenery, and wine have been a great help to the song business, -while its pictures, statues, and soft air are well calculated to keep -the sexes from drifting apart and becoming hopelessly estranged. The -sexes will have their differences, of course, as they are having them in -England. I sometimes fear that they may decide to have nothing more to -do with each other, in which case Italy, with its alert and well-trained -corps of love-makers, might save the situation. - -Since Ovid and Horace, times have changed in the old peninsula. Love has -ceased to be an art and has become an industry to which the male members -of the titolati are assiduously devoted. With hereditary talent for the -business, they have made it pay. The coy processes in the immortal -tale of Masuccio of Salerno are no longer fashionable. The Juliets have -descended from the balcony; the Romeos climb the trellis no more. All -that machinery is now too antiquated and unbusinesslike. The Juliets are -mostly English and American girls who have come down the line from Saint -Moritz. The Romeos are still Italians, but the bobsled, the toboggan, -and the tango dance have supplanted the balcony and the trellis as being -swifter, less wordy, and more direct. - -There are other forms of love which thrive in Italy--the noblest which -the human breast may know--the love of art, for instance, and the love -of America. I came back with a deeper affection for Uncle Sam than I -ever had before. - -But this is only the cold vestibule--the “piaz” of my story. Come in, -dear reader. There's a cheerful blaze and a comfortable chair in the -chimney-corner. Make yourself at home, and now my story's begun exactly -where I began to live in it--inside the big country house of a client -of mine, an hour's ride from New York. His name wasn't Whitfield Norris, -and so we will call him that. His age was about fifty-five, his name -well known. If ever a man was born for friendship he was the man--a -kindly but strong face, genial blue eyes, and the love of good -fellowship. But he had few friends and no intimates beyond his family -circle. True, he had a gruff voice and a broken nose, and was not -much of a talker. Of Norris, the financier, many knew more or less; -of Norris, the man, he and his family seemed to enjoy a monopoly of -information. It was not quite a monopoly, however, as I discovered when -I began to observe the deep undercurrents of his life. Right away he -asked me to look at them. - -Norris had written that he wished to consult me, and was forbidden by -his doctor to go far from his country house, where he was trying to -rest. Years before he had put a detail of business in my hands, and I -had had some luck with it. - -His glowing wife and daughter met me at the railroad-station with a -glowing footman and a great, glowing limousine. The wife was a restored -masterpiece of the time of Andrew Johnson--by which I mean that she -was a very handsome woman, whose age varied from thirty to fifty-five, -according to the day and the condition of your eyesight. She trained -more or less in fashionable society, and even coughed with an English -accent. The daughter was a lovely blonde, blue-eyed girl of twenty. -She was tall and substantial--built for all weather and especially -well-roofed--a real human being, with sense enough to laugh at my jokes -and other serious details in her environment. - -We arrived at the big, plain, comfortable house just in time for -luncheon. Norris met me at the door. He looked pale and careworn, but -greeted me playfully, and I remarked that he seemed to be feeling his -oats. - -“Feeling my oats! Well, I should say so,” he answered. “No man's oats -ever filled him with deeper feeling.” - -Like so many American business men, his brain had all feet in the -trough, so to speak, and was getting more than its share of blood, while -the other vital organs in his system were probably only half fed. - -At the table I met Richard Forbes, a handsome, husky young man who -seemed to take a special interest in Miss Gwendolyn, the daughter. There -were also the aged mother of Norris, two maiden cousins of his--jolly -women between forty-five and fifty years of age--a college president, -and Mrs. Mushtop, a proud and talkative lady who explained to me that -she was one of the Mushtops of Maryland. Of course you have met those -interesting people. Ever since 1627 the Mushtops have been coming over -from England with the first Lord Baltimore, and now they are quite -numerous. While we ate, Norris said little, but seemed to enjoy the -jests and stories better than the food. - -He had a great liking for good tobacco, and after luncheon showed me the -room where he kept his cigars. There were thousands of them made from -the best crops of Cuba, in sizes to suit the taste. - -“Here are some from the crop of '93,” he said, as he opened a box. “I -have green cigars, if you prefer them, but I never smoke a cigar unless -it crackles.” - -I took a crackler, and with its delicious aroma under my nose we -went for a walk in the villa gardens. Some one had released a dozen -Airedales, of whom my host was extremely fond, and they followed at his -heels. I walked with the maiden cousins, one of whom said of Norris: -“We're very fond of him. Often we sing, 'What a friend we have in -Whitfield!' and it amuses him very much.” - -And it suggested to me that they had good reason to sing it. - -Norris was extremely fond of beautiful things, and his knowledge of both -art and flowers was unusual. He showed us the conservatories and his -art-gallery filled with masterpieces, but very calmly and with no -flourish. - -“I've only a few landscapes here,” he said, “things that do not seem to -quarrel with the hills and valleys.” - -“Or the hay and whiskers and the restful spirit beneath them,” I -suggested. - -I knew that he had bought in every market of the world, and had given -some of his best treasures to sundry museums of art in America, but they -were always credited to “a friend,” and never to Whitfield Norris. - -On our return to the house he asked me to ride with him, and we got into -the big car and went out for a leisurely trip on the country roads. The -farmer-folk in field and dooryard waved their hands and stirred their -whiskers as we passed. - -“They're all my friends,” he said. - -“Tenants and vassals!” I remarked. - -“You see, I've helped some of them in a small way, but always -impersonally,” he answered, as if he had not heard me. “I have sought to -avoid drawing their attention to me in any way whatever.” - -We drew up at a little house on a lonely road to ask our way. An Irish -woman came to the car door as we stopped, and said: - -“God bless ye, sor! It does me eyes good to look an' see ye -better--thanks to the good God! I haven't forgot yer kindness.” - -“But I have,” said Norris. - -The woman was on her mental knees before him as she stood looking into -his face. - -No doubt he had lifted her mortgage or favored her in some like manner. -Her greeting seemed to please him, and he gave her a kindly word, and -told his driver to go on. - -We passed the Mary Perkins's school and the Mary Perkins's hospital, -both named for his wife. I had heard much of these model charities, -but not from him. So many rich men talk of their good deeds, like the -lecturer in a side-show, but he held his peace. Everywhere I could not -help seeing that he was regarded as a kind of savior, and he seemed to -regret it. Was he a great actor or--? - -“It's a pity that I cannot enjoy my life like other men,” he -interrupted, as this thought came to me. “None of my neighbors are -quite themselves when they talk to me; they think I must be praised and -flattered. They don't talk to me in a reliable fashion, as you do. You -have noticed that even my own family is given to songs of praise in my -presence.” - -“Norris, I'm sorry for you,” I said. “They say that you inherited a fair -amount of poverty--honest, hard-earned poverty. Why didn't you take -care of it? Why did you get reckless and squander it in commercial -dissipation? You should have kept enough to give your daughter a proper -start in life. I have taken care of mine.” - -“It began in the thoughtless imprudence of youth,” he went on, -playfully. “I used to think that money was an asset.” - -“And you have discovered that money is only a jackasset.” - -“That it is, in fact, a liability, and that every man you meet is -dunning you for a part of it.” - -“Including the lawyers you meet,” I said. “Oh, they're the worst of -all!” he laughed. “As distributors of the world's poverty they are -unrivaled.” - -He smiled and shook his head with a look of amusement and injury as he -went on. - -“Almost every one who comes near me has a hatchet if not an ax to grind. -I am sick of being a little tin god. I seem to be standing in a high -place where I can see all the selfishness of the world about me. No, it -hasn't made me a cynic. I have some sympathy for the most transparent of -them; but generally I am rather gruff and ill-natured; often I lose my -temper. I have had enough of praise and flattery to understand how weary -of it the Almighty must be. He must see how cheap it is, and if He has -humor, as of course He has, having given so much of it to His children, -how He must laugh at some of the gross adulation that is offered Him! -But let us get to business. - -“I invited you here to engage your services in a most important matter; -it's so important that for many years I have given it my own attention. -But my health is failing, and I must get rid of this problem, which is, -in a way, like the riddle of the Sphinx. Some other fellow must tackle -it, and I've chosen you for the job. Mr. Potter, you are to be, if you -will, my trustiest friend as well as my attorney. For many years I have -been the victim of blackmailers, and have paid them a lot of money.” - -“Poverty is a good thing, but not if it's achieved through the aid of a -blackmailer,” I remarked. “Try some other scheme.” - -“But you must know the facts,” he went on. “At twenty-one I went -into business with my father out in Illinois. He got into financial -difficulties and committed a crime--forged a man's name to a note, -intending to pay it when it came due. Suddenly, in a panic, he went on -the rocks, and all his plans failed. He was up against it, as we -say. There were many extenuating circumstances--a generous man, an -extravagant family, of which I had been the most extravagant member; a -mind that lost its balance under a great strain. He had risked all on -a throw of the dice and lost. I'll never forget the hour in which he -confessed the truth to me. It's hard for a father to put on the crown of -shame in the presence of a child who honors him. There's no pang in this -world like that. He had braced himself for the trial, and what a trial -it must have been! I have suffered some since that day; but all of it -put together is nothing compared to that hour of his. In ten minutes I -saw him wither into old age as he burned in the fire of his own hell. -When he was done with his story I saw that he was virtually dead, -although he could still breathe and see and speak and walk. As I -listened a sense of personal responsibility and of great calmness and -strength came on me. - -“I took my father's arm and went home with him and begged him not to -worry. Then forthwith I went to police headquarters and took the crime -on myself. My father went to paradise the next day, and I to prison. I -was young and could stand it. They gave me a light sentence, on account -of my age--only two years, reduced to a year and a half for good -behavior. My Lord! It has been hard to tell you this. I've never told -any one but you; not even my own mother knows the truth, and I wouldn't -have her know it for all the world. I cleared out and went to work in -California, in the mines. Suffered poverty and hardship; won success by -and by; prospered, and slowly my little hell cooled down. But no man can -escape from his past. By and by it overtakes him, and in time it caught -me. A record is a record, and you can't wipe it out even with righteous -living. It may be forgiven--yes, but there it is and there it will -remain. - -“I didn't marry, as you may know, until I was thirty-four. My wife -was the daughter of a small merchant in an Oregon village. I had been -married about a year when the first pirate fired across my bows--a -man who had worked beside me at Joliet. I found him in my office one -morning. He didn't know how much money I had, and struck me gently, -softly, for a thousand dollars. It was to be a loan. I gave him the -money; I had to. Why? Well, you see, my wife didn't know that I was an -ex-convict, and I couldn't bear to have her know of it. I did not fear -her so much as her friends, some of whom were jealous of our success. -Why hadn't I told her before my marriage? you are thinking. Well, partly -because I honored my father and my mother, and partly because I had no -sense of guilt in me. Secretly I was rather proud of the thing I had -done. If I had been really guilty of a crime I should have had to tell -her; but, you see, my heart was clean--just as clean as she thought it. -I hadn't fooled her about that. There had been nothing coming to me. -Oh yes, I know that I ought to have told her. I'm only giving you the -arguments with which I convinced myself--with which even now I try to -convince myself--that it wasn't necessary. Anyhow, when I married it -never entered my head that there could be a human being so low that he -would try to fan back to life the dying embers of my trouble and use it -for a source of profit. It never occurred to me that any man would come -along and say: 'Here, give me money or I'll make it burn ye.' - -“I foolishly thought that my sacrifice was my own property, and was -beginning to forget it. Well, first to last, this man got forty thousand -dollars out of me. He was dying of consumption when he made his last -call, having spent the money in fast living. He wanted five thousand -dollars, and promised never to ask me for another cent. He kept his -word, and died within three months, but not until he had sold his pull -to another scoundrel. The new pirate was an advertising agent of the Far -West. He came to me with the whole story in manuscript, ready to -print. He said that he had bought it from two men who had brought the -manuscript to his office, and had paid five thousand dollars for it. He -was such a nice man!--willing to sell at cost and a small allowance -for time expended. I gave him all he asked, and since then I have been -buying that story every six months or so. When anything happens, like -the coming out of my daughter, this sleek-looking, plausible pirate -shows up again, and, you see, I can't kick him out of my presence, as -I should like to do. He always tells me that the mysterious two are -demanding more money, so, like a bull with a ring in his nose, I have -been pulled about for years by this little knave of a man. I couldn't -help it. Now my nerves cannot endure any more of this kind of thing. My -doctor tells me that I must be free from all worry; I propose to turn it -over to you.” - -“Then I shall wipe him off the slate,” I said. “They'll publish the -facts.” - -“Poor man!” I exclaimed. “You've got one big asset, and you're afraid -to claim it. Nothing that you have ever done compares with that term in -prison. Your charities have been large, but, after all, their value is -doubtful except to you. The old law of evolution isn't greatly in need -of your money. But when you went to prison you really did something, -old man. The light of a deed like that shines around the world. Let it -shine--if it must. Don't hide it under a bushel.” - -“But not for all I am worth would I have my father's name dishonored, -with my mother still alive,” he declared. “Now, as to myself, I am not -so much worried. I could bear some disgrace, for it wouldn't alter the -facts. I should keep my self-respect, anyhow. But when I think of my -wife and children I admit that I am a coward. They're pretty proud, as -you know, and the worst of it is they are proud of me. Their pride is my -best asset. I couldn't bear to see it broken down. No, what I want is to -have you manage this blackmail fund and keep all comers contented. What -money you need for that purpose will be supplied to you.” - -“In my opinion you're unjust to the ladies of your home,” I remarked. - -“How?” - -“You should treat them like human beings and not like angels,” I said. -“It's their right to share your troubles. They'd be all the better for -it.” - -“Please do as I say,” he answered. “You must remember that they're all -I've got.” - -“Cheer up! I 'll do my best,” was my assurance. “But I shall ask you to -let me manage the matter in my own way and with no interference.” - -“I commit my happiness to your keeping,” he answered. - -“I wonder that you have got off so cheaply,” I said. “I should think -there might have been a dozen pirates in the chase instead of two.” - -“Circumstances have favored me,” he explained. “I spent my youth in -Germany, where I was educated. I had been in America only six months -when my father failed. In those days I was known as Jackson W. -Norris. In California I got into a row and had my nose broken. I was a -good-looking man before that. Then, you see, it has been a rule of my -life to keep my face from being photographed. Of course, the papers have -had snap-shots of me; but no one who knew me as a boy would recognize -this bent nose and wrinkled face of mine. I have discouraged all manner -of publicity relating to me and kept my history under cover as a thing -that concerned no one but myself.” - -I had requested that our ride should end at the railroad-station, and we -arrived there in good time for my train. - -“I will ask Wilton, my pirate friend, to call on you,” he said. - -“Let him call Friday at twelve with a note from you,” I requested. - -Gwendolyn Norris and Richard Forbes were waiting at the station, the -latter being on his way to town. - -“Going back? You ought to know better,” I said. - -“So I do, but business is business,” he answered. - -“And there's no better business for any one than playing with a fair -maid.” - -“He knows that there's a tennis match this afternoon and a dance this -evening, and he leaves me,” the girl complained. - -“I shall have to take a week off and come up here and convince you that -no man is fonder of fun and a fair maid,” said Forbes. - -“I could do it in ten minutes,” I declared. - -“But you have had practice and experience,” said Forbes. - -“And you are more supple,” was my answer. - -“I should hope so,” the girl laughed. “If all men were like Mr. Potter -the world would be full of old maids. It took him thirty years to make -up his mind to get married.” - -“No, it took _her_ that long--not me,” I answered, and the arrival of -the train saved me from further humiliation. - -On the way to town I got acquainted with young Forbes, and liked him. He -was a big, broad-shouldered athlete, two years out of college. The -glow of health and good nature was in his face. His blue eyes twinkled -merrily as we sparred for points. He had a full line of convictions, -but he didn't pretend to have gathered all the fruit on the tree of -knowledge. He was the typical best product of the modern wholesale man -factory--strong, modest, self-restrained, well educated, and thinking -largely in terms of profit and loss. That is to say, he was sawed and -planed and matched and seasoned like ten thousand other young men of -his age. His great need had been poverty and struggle and individual -experience. If he had had to climb and reach and fall and get up and -climb again to secure the persimmon which was now in his hands, he would -have had the persimmon and a very rare thing besides, and it's the rare -thing that counts. But here I am finding fault with a thoroughly good -fellow. It's only to clear his background for the reader, to whose good -graces I heartily recommend the young man. His father had left him well -off, but he had gone to work on a great business plan, and with rare -talent for his task, as it seemed to me. - - - - -II.--MY INTERVIEW WITH THE PIRATE - - IT had been a misty morning, with slush in the streets. For hours -the great fog-siren had been bellowing to the ships on the sound and -breaking into every conversation. “Go slow and keep away!” it screeched, -in a kind of mechanical hysterics. - -I was sitting at my desk when Norris's pirate came in. I didn't like -the look of him, for I saw at once that he was hard wood, and that he -wouldn't whittle. He was a sleek, handsome, well-dressed man of -middle age, with gray eyes, iron-gray hair and mustache, the latter -close-cropped. Here, then, was Wilton--a man of catlike neatness from -top to toe. He stepped softly like a cat. Then he began smoothing his -fur--neatly folded his coat and carefully laid it over the back of a -chair; blew a speck of dust from his hat, and tenderly flicked its brim -with his handkerchief and placed it with gentle precision on the top of -the coat. It's curious how the habit of taking care gets into the -character of a gentleman thief. He almost purred when he said “Good -morning.” Then he seemed to smell the dog, and stopped and took in his -surroundings. His hands were small and bony; he felt his necktie, -adjusted his cuffs with an outward thrust of both arms, and sat down. -Without a word more he handed me the note from Norris, and I read it. - -“Yes,” I said; “Mr. Norris has given me a brief history of your -affectionate regard for him.” - -He tried to take my measure with a keen glance. I looked serious, and he -took me seriously. - -“You see,” he began, in a low voice, “for years I have been trying to -protect him from unscrupulous men.” - -He gently touched the end of one forefinger with the point of the other -as he spoke. His words were neatly said, and were like his clothing, -neatly pressed and dusted, and calculated to present a respectable -appearance. - -“Tell me all about it,” I said. “Norris didn't go into details.” - -“Understand,” he went on, gently moving his head as if to shake it down -in his linen a little more comfortably, “I have never made a cent out of -this. I have only kept enough to cover my expenses.” - -It was the old story long familiar to me. The gentleman knave generally -operates on a high moral plane. Sometimes he can even fool himself about -it. He had climbed on a saint's pedestal and was looking down on me. It -shows the respect they all have for honor. - -“There are two men besides myself who know the facts, and I have -succeeded so far in keeping them quiet,” he added. - -“I don't know you, but you won't be offended if I assume that you're a -man of honor,” I said. - -In the half-moment of silence that followed the old fog-siren screeched -a warning. - -There was a quick, nervous movement of the visitor's body that brought -his head a little nearer to me. The fur had begun to rise on the cat's -back. - -“There's nothing to prevent it,” said he, with a look of surprise. - -“Save a possible element of professional pride,” was my answer. - -“That vanishes in the presence of a lawyer,” said he. - -It was a kind of swift and surprising cuff with the paw, after which I -knew him better. - -“But we're licensed, you know, and now, your reputation being -established, I suggest that you are in honor bound to let us know the -names of those men.” - -“Excuse me! I'm above that kind of thing--way above it,” said he, with a -smile of regret for my ignorance. - -“Perhaps you wouldn't be above explaining.” - -“Not at all. If I told you that, I would be as bad as they are. Why, -sir, I would be the yellowest yellow dog in the country.” - -“Frankness is not apt to have an effect so serious,” I said. - -Again the points of his forefingers came together as he gently answered: - -“You see, the first demand they made of me, after putting the story in -my hands, was that I should never give out their names. I had to promise -that.” - -“Oh, I see. They've elected you to the office of Guardian Angel and -Secretary of the Treasury. How did it happen?” - -The query didn't annoy him. He was getting used to my sallies, and went -on: - -“It was easy and natural as drawing your breath. Those men knew that I -had met Mr. Norris--that I was a man of his class, and could talk to him -on even terms. They had got the story from a man now dead--paid him five -hundred dollars for it. They wanted my help to make a profit, see? I -had met Mr. Norris and liked him. He is one of Nature's noblemen. So I -played a friendly part in the matter, and bought the story and turned -it over to Mr. Norris for what it cost me, and he gave me two hundred -dollars for my time. Unfortunately, they have turned out to be rascals, -and we have had to keep them in spending money, and prosperity has made -them extravagant. The whole thing has become a nuisance to me, and I -wish I was out of it.” - -“What do they want now?” I asked. - -“Ten thousand dollars.” - -That was all he said--just those three well-filled words--with a sad but -firm look in his face and a neat little gesture of both hands. “When do -they want it?” - -“To-day; they're getting impatient.” - -“Suppose you tell them that they'll have to practise economy for a week -or so at least. I don't know but we shall decide to let them go ahead -and do their worst. It isn't going to hurt Norris. He's been foolish -about it; I'm trying to stiffen his backbone.” Wilton rose with a look -of impatience in his face that betrayed him. - -“Very well; but _I_ shall not be responsible for the consequences.” - -The cat had hissed for the first time, but he quickly recovered himself; -the tender look returned to his eyes. - -“I think you're foolish,” he began again, while his right forefinger -caressed the point of his left. “These men are not going to last long. -One of them has had delirium tremens twice, and the other is in the -hospital with Bright's disease. They're both of them broke, and you know -as well as I that they could get this money in an hour from some -newspaper. It's almost dead sure that both of these men will be out of -the way in a year or so. Norris wants to be protected, and it's up to -you and me to do it.” - -“Personally I do not see the object,” I insisted. “Protecting him from -one assault only exposes him to another.” - -“You see, the daughter isn't married yet, and we'd better protect the -name until she's out of the way, anyhow. That girl can go to Europe and -take her pick. She's good enough for any title. But if this came out it -would hurt her chances.” - -“Mr. Wilton, I congratulate you,” was my remark. - -“I thought you would see the point,” he answered, with a smile. - -“I am thinking not of the point, but of your philanthropy. It is -beautiful. Do you sleep well nights?” - -“Very,” he answered, with a quick glance into my eyes. - -“I should think that the troubles of the world would keep you awake.” - -His face flushed a little, and then he smiled. “You lawyers have no -suspicion of the amount of goodness there is in the world--you're always -looking for rascals,” he said. - -“But we have wandered. Let us take the nearest road to Rome. You say -they must have money to-day.” - -“Before three o'clock.” - -“We'll give them ten thousand dollars--not a cent more. You must tell -them to use it gently, for it's the last they'll get from us. To whom -shall I draw the check?” - -“To me--Lysander Wilton,” he answered, with a look of relief. - -I gave him the check. He put on his coat and began to purr again; he was -glad to know me, and rightly thought that he could turn some business my -way. - -As he left my office I went to one of the front windows and took out my -handkerchief. The fog-whistle blew a blast that swept sea and land with -its echoes. In a moment I saw a certain clever, keen-eyed man who was -studying current history under the direction of Prof. William J. Bums -come out of a door opposite and walk at a leisurely pace down the main -street of Pointview toward the station. He was now taking the first -steps in a systematic effort to see what was in and behind the man -Wilton. - - - - -III.--IN WHICH A MAN IS SEEN HOLDING DOWN THE BUSHEL THAT HIDES HIS -LIGHT - - THE first thing I desired was the history of Wilton. He knew more -about us than we knew about him, and that didn't seem to be fair or -even necessary. In fact, I felt sure that his little world would yield -valuable knowledge if properly explored. I knew that there were lions -and tigers in it. - -I learned that Wilton had proceeded forthwith to a certain apartment -house on the upper west side of New York, in which he remained until -dinner-time, when he came out with a well-dressed woman and drove in a -cab to Martin's. The two spent a careless night, which ended at four a.m. -in a gambling-house, where Wilton had lost nine hundred dollars. Next -day, about noon, his well-dressed woman friend came out of the house -and was trailed to a bank, where she cashed a check for five hundred -dollars. We learned there that this woman was an actress and that her -balance was about eighty-five hundred dollars. - -Three months passed, and I got no further news of the man, save that he -had gone to Chicago and that our trailers had gone with him. - -“Our Western office now has the matter in hand,” so the agency wrote -me. “They are doing their work with extreme care. Fresh men took up the -trail every day, until one of our ablest became a trusted confidant of -Wilton.” - -The whole matter rested in the files of my office, and I had not thought -of it until one day Norris sent for me and, on my arrival at his house, -showed me a telegram. It was from the President of the United States, -whose career he had assisted in one way and another. It offered him the -post of Minister to a European court. The place was one of the great -prizes. - -“Of course you will accept it?” I said. - -“I should like to,” he answered, “but isn't it curious that fame is one -of the things which fate denies me. I wouldn't dare take it.” - -I understood him and said nothing. - -“You see, I cannot be a big man. I must keep myself as _little_ as -possible.” - -“The joys of littleness are very great, as the mouse remarked at the -battle of Gettysburg; but they are not for you,” I said. “He that -humbleth himself shall be exalted.” - -“He that humbleth himself shall avoid trouble--that's the way it hits -me,” he said. “I could have been Secretary of the Treasury a few years -back if I had dared. I must let everything alone which is likely to stir -up my history. Suppose the President should suddenly discover that he -had an ex-convict in his Cabinet? Do you think he could stand that, -great as he is? He would rightly say that I had tricked and deceived -and disgraced him. What would the newspapers say, and what would -people think of me? Potter, I've made a study of this thing we call -civilization. It's a big thing--I do not underestimate it--but it isn't -big enough to forgive a man who has served his term.” - -“Yes, I know; some of us are always looking for a thief inside the -honest man,” was my answer. “We ought to be looking for the honest man -inside the thief, as Chesterton puts it.” - -“That's a good idea!” he exclaimed. “Find me one. I'd like to use him to -teach this world a lesson. I'd pay you a handsome salary as Diogenes. If -you succeed once I'll astonish you with generosity.” - -“I should like to help you to get rid of some of this money of yours,” I -said. - -“You can begin this morning,” he went on. “I'm going to give you some -notes for a new will. Suppose you sit down at the table there.” - -I spent the rest of that day taking notes, and was astonished at the -amount of his property and the breadth of his spirit. He had got his -start in the mining business, and with surprising insight had -invested his earnings in real estate, oil-lands, railroad stocks, and -steel-mills. - -“I have always believed in America, and America has made me rich,” he -said to me. - -“Before the Spanish War and in every panic, when no man seemed to want -her securities, I have bought them freely, and I own them today. With -our growing trade and fruitful lands I wonder that all thinking men did -not share my confidence. If America had gone to smash I should have gone -with her. I shall stick to the old ship.” - -One paragraph of the will has begun to make history. It has appeared -in the newspapers, but no account of my friend should omit it, and -therefore I present its wording here: - -“There are many points of greatness in the Christian faith, but the -greatest of all is charity. I conceive that the best argument for the -heathen is that of wheat and com. I therefore direct that the sum of -five million dollars be set aside and invested by the trustees of this -will and that its proceeds be applied to the relief of the distressing -poverty of unconverted peoples, wherever they may be, in the discretion -of said trustees; and when said relief is applied it shall be done as -the act of 'A Christian friend in America.' It is my wish that wherever -practicable in the judgment of said trustees this relief shall be -applied through the establishment of industries in which the needy shall -be employed at fair wages.” - -I had finished my notes for the will, and my friend and I were sitting -comfortably by the open fire, when his wife entered the room and sat -down with us. - -“Have you told Mr. Potter about the bank offer?” she inquired of her -husband. - -“No, my dear,” he answered. - -“May I tell him?” - -“Certainly.” - -“Mr. Potter, the presidency of a great bank has been offered to my -husband, and I think that he ought to take it.” - -“Oh, I have work enough here at home--all I can do,” he said. - -“But you will not have much to do there--only a little consulting once a -week or so, and they say that you can talk to them here if you wish.” - -“It's too much responsibility,” he answered. - -“But it's so respectable,” she urged. “My heart is set on it. They tell -me that, next to Mr. Morgan, you would be the greatest power in American -finance. We should all be so proud of you.” - -“I couldn't wish you to be any more proud of me,” he answered, tenderly. - -“But, naturally, we want you to be as great as you can, Whitfield,” she -went on. “This would mean so much to me and to Gwendolyn.” - -He rose wearily, with a glance into my eyes which I perfectly -understood, and went to his wife and kissed her and said: - -“My dear, I am sure that Mr. Potter will agree with me.” - -“Unreservedly,” was my answer. - -I knew then that this ambitious woman was as ignorant as the cattle in -their farmyard of the greater honors which he had declined. - -She rose and left the room with a look of disappointment. How far the -urgency of his wife and other misguided friends may have gone I know -not, but I have reason to believe that it put him to his wit's ends. - -I am sure that it was the most singular situation in which a lawyer was -ever consulted. My client's high character had commanded the love and -confidence of all who knew him well, and this love and confidence were -pushing him into danger. His own character was the wood of the cross on -which he was being crucified. - -That week I appeared for Norris in a case of some importance in New -York. One day in court a letter was put in my hands from the editor of -a great newspaper. It requested that I should call upon him that day or -appoint an hour when he could see me at my hotel. I went to his office. - -“Is it true that Norris is to be our new minister to--?” he asked. - -“It is not true,” I said. - -“Is it true that he served a term in an Illinois prison?” - -“Why do you ask?” - -“For the reason that a story to that effect is now in this office.” - -It was a critical moment, and I did not know how to behave myself. - -“I mean that a man has submitted the story--he wishes to sell it,” he -added. - -“Forgive me if I speak a piece to you,” I said. “It will be short and to -the point.” - -As nearly as I could remember them I repeated the noble lines of -Whitman: - - “And still goes one, saying, - - 'What will ye give me and I will deliver this man unto - - you?' - - And they make the covenant and pay the pieces of silver, - - The old, old fee... paid for the Son of Mary. - -“If there's any descendant of Judas Iscariot on this paper I shall see -to it that his name and relationship are made known,” I added. - -“We have not bought the article, and it is not likely that we shall,” - said he. “If you wish to answer my question I shall make no use of your -words.” - -There are times when one has to act and act promptly on his own -judgment, and when the fate of a friend is in the balance it is a hard -thing to do. So I quickly chose my landing and jumped. - -“I have only this to say,” I answered. “Mr. Norris served a term in -prison when he was a boy, but the facts are of such a nature that it -wouldn't be safe for you to publish any part of them.” - -I saw a query in his eye as he looked at me, and I went on: - -“They are loaded--that's the reason--loaded to the muzzle, and they'd -come pretty near blowing up your establishment. You know my reputation -possibly.” - -“Oh, very well.” - -“Then you know that I am not in the habit of going off at half-cock. -I tell you the facts would put you squarely on the Judas roll, and it -isn't a popular part to play. Briefly, the facts are: Norris suffered -for a friend, and that puts him on a plane so high that it isn't safe to -touch him.” - -“On your word, Mr. Potter, I will do what I can to kill the story--now -and hereafter,” said he. “The young man who wrote it is a decent fellow -and will soon be in my employ. But of course Norris will decline to be -put in high places.” - -Even this enlightened editor saw that a man who had suffered prison -blight was a kind of frost-bitten plum. I left him with a feeling of -discouragement in the world and its progress. - -Before a week had passed I was summoned to the home of Norris and found -him ill in bed. He was in the midst of a nervous breakdown which had -seemed to begin with a critical attack of indigestion. It wearied him -even to sign and execute his will, and I saw him for only a few minutes, -and not again for months. - -He improved rapidly, and one day Gwendolyn Norris called at my office. - -The family were sailing for Hamburg within a week to spend the rest of -the winter at Carlsbad and Saint Moritz. She said: - -“Father wishes me to begin my business career, and so I've been looking -after the details, and you must tell me if there's anything that I have -forgotten.” - -I went over all the arrangements regarding cats and dogs and horses and -tickets and hotel accommodations, and then asked, playfully: - -“What provision have you made for the young men you are leaving?” - -“There's only, one,” said she, with laughing eyes, “and he can take care -of himself. He doesn't seem to need any of my help. But he's fine. I -recommend him to you as a friend.” - -“Yes, I understand. You want me to get his confidence and see that he -goes to bed early and doesn't forget his friends.” - -She blushed and laughed, and added: - -“Or get into bad company!” - -“You're a regular ward politician!” I said. “Don't worry. I'll keep my -eye on him.” - -“You don't even know his name,” she declared. - -“Don't I? The name Richard is written all over your face.” - -“How uncanny!” she exclaimed. “I'm going to leave you.” Then she added, -with a playful look in her eyes, “You know it's a dangerous place for -American girls who--who are unattached.” - -“We don't want to frighten him.” - -“It wouldn't be possible--he's awfully brave,” said she, with a merry -laugh as she left me. - -That was the last I saw of them before they sailed. - -My friend had taken his doctor with him, and soon the latter wrote me -from the mountain resort that Norris had improved, but that I must not -appeal to him in any matter of business. All excitement would be bad for -him, and if it came suddenly might lead to fatal results. - - - - -IV.--A RATHER SWIFT ADVENTURE WITH THE PIRATE - - MIDWINTER had arrived when the checked current of our little history -became active again. My wife had thought that our life in Pointview -was a trifle sluggish, and we had been in town for two weeks. I had -recommended the Waldorf-Castoria as being good for sluggish livers, but -Betsey preferred the Manhattan. We were there when this telegram reached -me from Chicago. - -_W. left for N. Y. this morning, broke. He will call on you. Important -news by mail._ - -I expected to have some fun with him, and did. - -The same mail brought the “important news” and a note from Wilton, which -said: - -_I must see you within twenty-four hours. The need is pressing. Please -wire appointment._ - -Many salient points in the career of Wilton lay before me. It's singular -how much it may cost to learn the history of one little man. For half -the sum that I was to pay for Wilton's record a commonplace intellect -should have been able to acquire every important fact in the history of -the world. Wilton, whose real name was Muggs, was wanted in Mexico for -grand larceny, and very grand larceny at that, for he had absconded -twelve years before with twenty thousand dollars belonging to the -business in which he had been engaged. They had got their clue from a -letter which he had carelessly left in his coat-pocket when he entered a -Turkish bath, but of that part of the matter I need say no more. It -was quite likely that he was wanted in other places, but this was want -enough for my purpose. - -It was Saturday, and Betsey had gone to Pointview; I was to follow her -that evening for the week-end. No fog that day. The sun was shining in -clear air. - -When Wilton came my program had been arranged. It began as soon as he -entered my room. The cat was purring when suddenly the dog jumped at -her. It was the dog in my voice as I said: - -“Good morning, you busted philanthropist! Why didn't you tell me at -once that your name was Muggs. You might have saved me the expense of -employing a dozen detectives to learn what you could have told me in -five minutes. As a saint you're a failure. Why didn't you tell me that -they wanted you down in Mexico?” - -The cat was gone--jumped out of the open window, perhaps. I never saw -her again. Muggs stood unmasked before me. He was a man now. His face -changed color. His right hand went up to his brow, and then, as if -wondering what it was there for, began deftly smoothing his hair, while -his lower lip came up to the tips of his cropped mustache. His eyelids -quivered slightly. The fingers in that telltale hand began to tremble -like a flag of distress. - -In a second, before he had time to recover, I swung again, and very -vigorously. - -“If you're going to save yourself you haven't a minute to lose. The -detectives want that reward, and they're after you. They telephoned -me not ten minutes ago. I'll do what I can for you, but I make one -condition.” - -“Excuse me,” he said, as he pulled himself together. “I didn't know that -you had such a taste for history.” - -“I love to study the history of philanthropists,” I said. “Yours -thrilled me. I couldn't stop till I got to this minute. You're just -beginning a new chapter, and I want you to give it a heading right now. -Shall it be 'Prison Life' or 'In the Way of Reform'?” - -Again the man spoke. - -“As God's my witness, I want to live honest,” said he. - -“Then I'll try to help you.” - -I have always thought with admiration of his calmness as he looked down -at me with a face that said, “I surrender,” and a tongue that said: - -“May I use your bath-room for one minute?” - -“Certainly,” was my answer. - -He entered the bath-room and closed its door behind him. - -I had begun to fear that he might have rashly decided to jump into -eternity from my bath-room when he reappeared with no mustache and a -gray beard on his chin. Then, as if by chance, he took my hat and -gray summer top-coat from the peg, where they had been hanging, said -“Good-by,” and walked hurriedly out of my door and down the corridor. - -I had hesitated a little between my duty to Mexico and my duty to -Norris, but I felt, and rightly, as I believe, that my client should -come first, for I am rather human. But how about the reward? I thought. -Well, that was none of my funeral. Shorn of his pull, he was now in the -thorny path of the fugitive, and so I let him go. - -I tried to work, but work was out of the question for me that morning. -I went for a walk, and on my return sat down with my paper. Among the -items in its cable news was the following: - -_Whitfield Norris and his family are at the Grand Hotel in Rome. His -daughter, Miss Gwendolyn, whose beauty and wealth, as well as her -amiable disposition, have attracted many suitors, is said to be engaged -to the young Count Carola._ - -What I said to myself is not one of the things which should appear in a -book, and I wish only to suggest enough of it here to put me on record. - -Soon after one o'clock I was called to the 'phone by my secretary, who -had followed Muggs when he left my room. At the time I gave my man his -orders I did not know, of course, how my interview would turn out, and -so, with a lawyer's prudence, I had decided to keep track of Muggs. When -he settled down or left the city my young man was to report, and so: - -“Hello,” came his voice on the telephone. - -“Hello! What news?” I asked. - -“Our friend has just sailed on the _Caronia_ for England.” - -“All right,” I said, and then: “Hold on! Find out if there is a fast -ship sailing to-night, and if so engage good quarters for two.” - -I sat down to get my breath. - -“How deft and wonderful!” I whispered. “It takes a good lawyer to keep -up with him.” - -The man was on his way to Italy for another whack at Norris, and I had -been thinking that he was broke. He would resume his philanthropic rôle -in Italy and probably scare Norris to death. He had, of course, read -that fool item in some paper. There was but one thing for me to do: I -must get there first and meet him in the corridor of the Grand Hotel -upon his arrival. Fortunately, my business was pretty well cleaned up in -preparation for a long rest of which we had been talking. - -I telephoned to Betsey that we should probably go abroad that night and -that she must get her trunks packed and on the way to the city as soon -as possible. - -“But my summer clothes are not ready!” she exclaimed. - -“Never mind clothes,” I answered. “Breech-cloths will do until we can -get to Europe, and there's any amount of clothing for sale on the other -side of the pond. Chuck some things into a couple of trunks and stamp -'em down and come on. We'll meet here at six.” - -Then I thought of my talk with Gwendolyn, and telephoned to young Forbes -and told him that I was going to Italy, and asked: - -“Any message to send?” - -“Sure,” said he. “I'll come down to see you.” - -“We dine at seven,” I said. - -“Put on a plate for me,” he requested. - -I had scarcely hung up the receiver when the bell rang and my secretary -notified me that he had engaged a good room on the _Toltec_, and would -be at my hotel in twenty minutes. - -I went down to the office and wrote a cablegram to Norris, in which I -said that we were going over to see the country and would call on him -within ten days. - -To pay the charges I took out my pocket-book. There was no money in it. -What had happened to me? There had been two one-hundred-dollar bills in -the book when I had paid for last evening's dinner; now it held nothing -but a slip of paper neatly folded. I opened it and read these words -written with a pencil: - -_Thanks. This is the last call. M._ - -Then I remembered that yesterday's trousers had been hanging in the -bath-room with my money in the right-hand pocket when Muggs was there. I -had got the book and taken it with me when I went for a walk. - -“He may be a busted philanthropist, but he's not a busted thief,” I -mused. - - - - -V.--IN WHICH WE HAVE AN AMUSING VOYAGE - - BETSEY had been a bit disturbed by the swiftness of my plans. On her -arrival in town she said to me: - -“Look here, Socrates Potter, I'm no longer a colt, and you'll have to -drive slower. What are you up to, anyway?” - -“A surprise-party!” I answered. “Cheer up! It's our honeymoon trip. I've -decided that after a man has married a woman it's his duty to get well -acquainted with her. What's the use of having a breastful of love and -affection and no time to show it. To begin with we shall have the best -dinner this hotel affords.” - -Our table, which had been well adorned with flowers, awaited us, and we -sat down to dinner. Richard Forbes came while we were eating our oysters -and joined us. - -We talked of many things, and while we were eating our dessert I sailed -into the subject nearest my heart by saying: - -“I kind o' guessed that you'd want to send a message.” - -“How did you know it?” he asked. - -“Oh, by sundry looks and glances of your eye when I saw you last.” - -“They didn't deceive you,” said he. “Tell them that they may see me in -Rome before long. Miss Norris was kind enough to say in a letter that -they would be glad to see me. I haven't answered yet. You might gently -break the news of my plan and let me know how they stand it.” - -“I'll give them your affectionate regard--that's as far as I am willing -to go--and I'll tell them to prepare for your presence. If they show -evidence of alarm I'll let you know. I kind o' mistrust that you may be -needed there and--and wanted.” - -“No joking now!” he warned me. - -“Those titled chaps are likely to get after her, and I may want you -to help me head 'em off. You'd be a silly feller to let them grab the -prize.” - -“The trouble is my fortune isn't made,” said he. “I'm getting along, but -I can't afford to get married yet.” - -“Don't worry about that,” I begged him. “Our young men all seem to be -thinking about money and nothing else. Quit it. Keep out of this great -American thought-trust. Any girl that isn't willing to take hold and -help you make your fortune isn't worth having. Don't let the vine of -your thoughts go twining around the money-pole. If you do they'll make -you a prisoner.” - -“But she is used to every luxury.” - -“And probably will be glad to try something new. Her mama is not looking -for riches, but noble blood, I suppose. Norris's girl looks good to -me--nice way of going, as they used to say of the colts. We ought to be -able to offer her as high an order of nobility as there is in Europe.” - -“I'm very common clay,” the boy answered, with a laugh. - -“And the molding is up to you,” I said, as we rose to go. - -“Tell them that Gwendolyn's heart is American territory and that I shall -stand for no violation of the Monroe Doctrine,” said he. - -We bade him good-by and went aboard the steamer in as happy a mood as -if we had spent six months instead of six hours getting ready. So our -voyage began. - -Going over we felt the strong tides of the spirit which carry so many of -our countrymen to the Old World. The _Toltec_ was crowded with tourists -of the All-Europe-in-three-weeks variety. There were others, but these -were a small minority. Every passenger seemed to be loaded, beyond the -Plimsoll mark, with conversation, and in the ship's talk were all the -spiritual symptoms of America. - -We chose partners and went into the business of visiting. The sea shook -her big, round sides, immensely tickled, I should say, by the gossip. -Our ship was a moving rialto. We swapped stories and exchanged -sentiments; we traded hopes and secrets; we cranked up and opened the -gas-valve and raced into autobiography. Each got a memorable bargain. We -were almost dishonest with our generosity. - -“Ship ahoy!” we shouted to every man who came our way and noted his -tonnage and cargo, his home port and destination. - -How American! God bless us all! - -Within forty-eight hours it seemed to me that everybody knew everybody -else, except Lord and Lady Dorris, who were aboard, and the adoring -group that surrounded them. - -The big, wide-world thought-trust was well represented in the -smoking-room. There were business men and boys just out of college, all -expressing themselves in terms of profit and loss--the wealth of this or -that man and how he got it, the effect of legislation upon business, and -all that kind of thing. Thirty-five years ago such a company would have -been talking of the last speeches of Conkling and Ingersoll or the last -poems of Whittier and Tennyson. - -There were many keynotes in the conversation. If one sat down with a -book in the reading-room he would abandon it for the better display of -human nature in the crowd around him. There were some twoscore women all -talking at the same time, each drenching the other in the steady flow -of her conversational hose. The plan of it all seemed to be very -generous--everybody giving and nobody receiving anything. I used to -think that among women talk was for display or relief, and whispering -for the transfer of intelligence. Since I got married I know better: -women have a sixth sense by which they can acquire knowledge without -listening in a talk-fest. They miss nothing. - -It was interesting to observe how the edges of the conversations -impinged upon one another, like the circles made by a handful of pebbles -flung from a bridge into water. Now and then some strong-voiced lady -dropped a rock into the pool, and the spatter went to both shores. The -spray advertised the thought-trusts of the women: - -“I felt so sorry for poor Mabel! There wasn't a young man in the party.” - -“It was a capital operation, but I pulled through.” - -“Yes, I've wanted to go to Italy ever since I saw 'Romeo and Juliet.' -Those Italians are wonderful lovers.” - -“It was so ridiculous to be throwing her at his head, and she with a -weak heart and only one lung!” - -“I don't know how I spend it, but somehow it goes.” - -“Oh, they have been abroad, but anybody can do that these days.” - -“Poor man! I feel sorry for him--she's terribly extravagant.” - -“We don't see much of our home these days.” - -“My twentieth trip across the ocean.” - -“Our children are in boarding-schools, and my husband is living at his -club.” - -I wanted to smoke and excused myself from Betsey and went out on the -deck, now more than half deserted, and stood looking off at the night. -Family history was pouring out of the state-room windows, and I could -not help hearing it. Grandma, slightly deaf, was saying to her daughter: - -“Lizzie must be more careful when those young men come to the door. This -morning she wasn't half dressed when she opened it.” - -“Oh yes, she was.” - -“No, she wasn't; I took particular notice. And every morning she wets -her hair in my perfumery. Then, sadly, It's almost gone.” - -I knew enough about the sins of Lizzie, and moved on and took a new -stand. - -An elderly lumber merchant from Michigan was saying to his companion in -a loud voice: - -“Yes, I retired ten years ago. I am studying the history of the -world--all about the life of the world, especially the life of the -ancients.” - -I moved on to escape a comparison of the careers of Alexander and -Napoleon, and settled down in a dusky corner near which a lady was -giving an account of the surgical operations which had been performed -upon her. So the conversation, which had begun at daybreak, went on into -the night. It was all very human--very American. - -The Litchmans of Chicago had rooms opposite ours. Every night six -or eight pairs of shoes, each decorated with a colored ribbon to -distinguish it from the common run of shoes, were ranged in a row -outside their door. The lady had forty-two hats--so I was told--and all -of them were neatly aired in the course of the voyage. The upper end of -her system was not a head, but a hat-holder. - -Their family of four children was established in a room next to ours. -As a whole, it was the most harmonious and efficient yelling-machine -of which I have any knowledge. Its four cylinders worked like one. At -dinner it filled its tanks with cheese and cakes and nuts and jellies -and milk, and was thus put into running order for the night. It is -wonderful how many yells there are in a relay of cheese and cake and -nuts and jelly and milk. When we got in bed the machine cranked up, -backed out of the garage, and went shrieking up the hill to midnight -and down the slope to breakfast-time, stopping briefly now and then for -repairs. - -A deaf lady next morning declared that she had heard the fog-whistles -blowing all night. - -“Fog-whistles! We didn't need 'em,” said Betsey. - -It was a symptom of America with which I had been unfamiliar. - -We were astonished at the number of manless women aboard that ship. Many -were much-traveled widows whose husbands had fallen in the hard battles -of American life; some, I doubt not, like the battle of Norris, with -hidden worries that feed, like rats, on the strength of a man. - -Many of the women were handsome daughters and sleek, well-fed mamas -whose husbands could not leave the struggle--often the desperate -struggle--for fame and fortune. - -There were elderly women--well upholstered grandmamas--generally -traveling in pairs. - -One of them, a slim, garrulous, and affectionate lady well past her -prime, was immensely proud of her feet. She was Mrs. Fraley, from Terre -Haute--“a daughter of dear old Missouri,” she explained. It seemed that -her feet had retained their pristine beauty through all vicissitudes, -and been complimented by sundry distinguished observers. One evening she -said to Betsey: - -“Come down to my state-room, dearest dear, and I will show you my feet.” - -She always seemed to be seeking astonishment, and was often exclaiming -“Indeed!” or “How wonderful!” and I hadn't told any lies either. - -We met also Mrs. Mullet, of Sioux City, a gay and copious widow of -middle age, who appeared in the ship's concert with dark eyes well -underscored to give them proper emphasis. She was a well-favored, -sentimental lady with thick, wavy, brown hair. Her thoughts were also -a bit wavy, but Betsey formed a high opinion of her. Mrs. Mullet was a -neat dresser and resembled a fashion-plate. Her talk was well dressed in -English accents. She often looked thoughtfully at my chin when we talked -together, as if she were estimating its value as a site for a stand of -whiskers. It was her apparent knowledge of art which interested Betsey. -She talked art beautiful, as Sam Henshaw used to say, and was going to -Italy to study it. - -There were schoolma'ams going over to improve their minds, and romping, -sweetfaced girls setting out to be instructed in art or music, beyond -moral boundaries, and knowing not that they would take less harm among -the lions and hyenas of eastern Africa. When will our women learn that -the centers of art and music in Europe are generally the exact centers -of moral leprosy? - -There were stately, dignified, and inhuman people of the seaboard -aristocracy of the East--the Europeans of America, who see only the -crudeness of their own land. They have been dehorned--muleyed into -freaks by degenerate habits of mind and body. A certain passenger called -them the “Eunuchs of democracy,” but I wouldn't be so intemperate with -the truth. One of them was the Lady Dorris, daughter of a New York -millionaire, who came out of her own apartments one evening to peer -laughingly into the dining-saloon, and say: - -“I love to look at them; they're so very, very curious!” - -Yes, we have a few Europeans in America, but I suspect that Europe is -more than half American. - -Then there was Mr. Pike, the lumber king, from Prairie du Chien, who -stroked his whiskers when he talked to me and looked me over from -head to toe as if calculating the amount of good timber in me. He had -retired, jumped from the lumber business into ancient history, and was -now reporting the latest news from Tyre and Babylon. - -In this environment of character we proceeded with nothing to do but -observe it, and with no suspicion that we were being introduced to the -persons of a drama in which we were to play our parts in Italy. - -So now, then, the orchestra has ceased playing and the curtain is up -again, and, with all these people on the stage, in the middle of the -ocean word goes around the decks that there is a ship off the port side -very near us. We look and observe that we are passing her. It is the -_Caronia_, and we ride the seas with a better sense of comfort, knowing -that Wilton is behind us. - -[Illustration: 0077] - - - - -VI.--WE ARRIVE IN THE LAND OF LOVE AND SONG - - HERE we are in Rome on the tenth day of our journey at three in the -afternoon! Jiminy Christmas! How I felt the need of language! I -had given my leisure on the train to the careful study of a -conversation-book, but the conversation I acquired was not extensive -enough to satisfy every need of a man born in northern New England. It -was too polite. There were a number of men who quarreled over us and our -baggage in the station at Rome, and I had to do all my swearing with -the aid of a dictionary. I found it too slow to be of any use. We were -rescued soon by Mrs. Norris and her footman, who took us to the Grand -Hotel. Gwendolyn met us in the hall of their apartment, and I delivered -Forbes's message. - -“You may kiss me!” she exclaimed, joyously. - -“I do it for him,” I said. - -“Then do it again,” said she. - -That's the kind of a girl she was--up and a-coming!--and that's the kind -of a man I am--obliging to the point of generosity at the proper moment. - -The reputation of the Norrises gave us standing, and we were soon -marching in step and sowing our francs in a rattling shower with the -great caravan of American blood-hunters. - -Norris himself was in better health than I had hoped to find him, and -three days later he drove me to Tivoli in his motor-car. - -As we were leaving the hotel the porter said to Norris: - -“An American gentleman called to see you about an hour ago. He was very -urgent, and I told him that I thought you had gone to Tivoli.” - -“Not gone, but going,” said Norris. “There's a grain of truth in what -you said, but I suppose you meant well.” - -He handed the porter a coin and added: - -“You must never be able to guess where I am.” - -In the course of our long ride across the Campagna I made my report and -he made his. I told the whole story of Muggs and how at length the man -had given me a good, full excuse for my play-spell. - -“I suppose that he will be after us again here,” said Norris. - -“Don't worry,” I answered; “you'll find me a capable watch-dog. It will -only be necessary for me to bark at him once or twice.” - -“You're an angel of mercy,” said my friend. “I couldn't bear the sight -of him now. It isn't the money involved; it's his devilish smoothness -and the twitch of the bull-ring and the peril I am in of losing my -temper and of doing something to--to be regretted.” - -“Let me be secretary of your interior also,” I proposed, and added: “I -can get mad enough for both of us, and I have a growing stock of cuss -words.” - -My assurance seemed to set Norris at rest, and I called for his report. - -“Mine is a longer story,” he began. “First we went to Saint -Moritz--beautiful place, six thousand feet up in the mountains--and it -agreed with me. We found two kinds of Americans there--the idle rich who -came to play with the titled poor and the homeless. Everywhere in Europe -one finds homeless people from our country--a wandering, pathetic -tribe of well-to-do gipsies. Among the idle rich are maidens with great -prospects and planning mamas, and rich widows looking for live noblemen -with the money of dead grocers, rum merchants, and contractors. They're -all searching for 'blood,' as they call it. - -“'I can't marry an American,' one of them said to me; 'I want a man of -blood. These men are of ancient families that have made history, and -they know how to make love, too.' - -“Impoverished dukes, marquises, princes, barons, counts, from the -purlieus of aristocratic Europe, throng about them. These noblemen are -professional marryers, and all for sale. The bob-sled and the toboggan -are implements of their craft, symbols of the rapid pace. Unfortunately, -they are often the meeting-place of youthful innocence and utter -depravity, of glowing health and incurable disease. Maidens and -marquises, barons and widows, counts and young married women, traveling -alone, sit dovetailed on bob-sleds and toboggans, and, locked in a -complex embrace, this tangle of youth and beauty, this interwoven mass -of good and evil, rushes down the slippery way. In the swift, curving -flight, by sheer hugging, they overcome the tug of centrifugal force. It -is a long hug and a strong hug. Thus, courtship is largely a matter of -sliding. - -“Then there are the dances. I do not need to describe them. At Saint -Moritz they go to the limit. Fifteen years ago when Chuck Connors and -his friends practised these dances in a Bowery dive respectable citizens -turned away with disgust. Since then the idle rich who explore the -underworld have begun to imitate its dances, which were intended to -suggest the morals of the dog-kennel and the farmyard and which have -achieved some success in that direction. Unfortunately, the idle rich -are well advertised. If they were to wear rings in their noses the -practice would soon become fashionable. - -“Well, you see, it was no place for my girl. I sent her away with Mrs. -Mushtop to Rome, but not until a young Italian count had got himself in -love with my money.” - -“Count Carola?” I asked. - -“Count Carola!” said he. “How did you know?” - -“Saw it in the paper.” - -“The paper!” he exclaimed. “God save us from the papers as well as from -war, pestilence, and sudden death.” - -“Is the count really shot in the heart?” I ventured to ask. - -“Oh, he likes her as any man likes a pretty, bright-eyed girl,” Norris -went on, “but it was a part of my money that he wanted most. I had kept -her out of that crowd, and the young man hadn't met her. He had only -stood about and stared at us, and had finally asked for an introduction -to me, which I refused, greatly to my wife's annoyance. The young man -followed them to Rome, but I didn't know that he had done so until I -got there. They went around seeing things, and everywhere they went -the count was sure to go. Followed them like a dog, day in and day out. -Isn't that making it a business? His eyes were on them in every room of -every art-gallery. One day, when they stood with some friends near the -music-stand in the Pincio Gardens, the count approached Mrs. Mushtop. -You know Mrs. Mushtop; she is a good woman, but a European at heart and -a worshiper of titles. I didn't suppose that she was such a romantic old -saphead of a woman. This is what happened: the count took off his hat -and greeted her with great politeness. She was a little flattered. My -daughter turned away. - -“'I suspect, myself, that you are the young lady's chaperon,' said he. - -“'Yes, sir.' - -“'I am in love with the beautiful, charming young lady. It is so joyful -for me to look at her. I am most unhappy unless I am near her. I have -the honor to hand you my card; I wish you to make the inquiry about -my family and my character. Then I hope that you will permission me to -speak to her.' - -“Think of Mrs. Mushtop standing there and letting him go on to that -extent. - -“She said, 'It would do no good, for I believe that she is engaged.' - -“'That will make not any difference,' he insisted, with true Italian -simplicity; I will take my chances.' - -“She foolishly kept his card, but had the good sense to turn away and -leave him. - -“Mrs. Norris went on to Rome for a few days while I stayed at Saint -Moritz with my physician, mother, and secretary. You know women better -than I do, probably. Most of them like that Romeo business; that -swearing by the sun, moon, and stars--those cosmic, cross-universe -measurements of love. I don't know as I blame them, for, after all, a -woman's happiness is so dependent on the love of a husband. - -“Well, those women got their heads together, and my wife thought that, -on the whole, she liked the looks of the count. He was rather slim and -dusky, but he had big, dark eyes and red cheeks and perfect teeth and -a fine bearing. So they drove to Florence, where he lived, and -investigated his pedigree and character. It was a very old family, which -had played an important part in the campaigns of Mazzini and Cavour, -but its estate had been confiscated after the first failure of the -great Lombard chief, and its fortunes were now at a low ebb. One of the -count's brothers is the head waiter in a hotel at Naples. He had sense -enough to go to work, but the count is a confirmed gentleman who rests -on hopes and visions. He reminds me of a house standing in the air with -no visible means of support. - -“However, the investigation was satisfactory to my wife, and she invited -the young man to dinner at her hotel. The ladies were all captivated -by his charm, and there's no denying that the young fellow has pretty -manners. It's great to see him garnish a cup of tea or a plate of -spaghetti with conversation. His talk is pastry and bonbons. - -“When I came on I found them going about with him and having a fine -time. Under his leadership my wife had visited sundry furniture and -antique shops and invested some five thousand dollars, on which, I -presume, the count received commissions sufficient to keep him in -spending-money for a while. I didn't like the count, and told them so. -He's too effeminate for me--hasn't the frank, upstanding, full-breasted, -rugged, ready-for-anything look of our American boys. But I didn't -interfere; I kept my hands off, for long ago I promised to let my wife -have her way about the girl. That reminds me we have invited young -Forbes to come over and spend a month with us.” - -“Likely young fellow,” I said. - -“None better,” said he; “if he had sense enough to ask Gwen to marry -him I'd be glad of it. I have refused to encourage the affair with the -count, but we find it hard to saw him off. We drove to Florence the -other day, and he followed us there and back again. He's a comer, I can -tell you; we can see him coming wherever we are. I swear a little about -it now and then, and Gwen says, 'Well, father, you don't own the road.' -And Mrs. Norris will say: 'Poor fellow! Isn't it pitiful? I'm so sorry -for him!' - -“His devotion to business is simply amazing--works early and late, and -don't mind going hungry. In all my life I never saw anything like it.” - -We had arrived at Tivoli, and as he ceased speaking we drew up at -Hadrian's Villa and entered the ruins with a crowd of American tourists. -An energetic lady dogged the steps of the swift-moving guide with a -volley of questions which began with, “Was it before or after Christ?” - By and by she said: “I wouldn't like to have been Mrs. Hadrian. Think of -covering all these floors with carpets and keeping them clean!” - -I left Norris sitting on a broken column and went on with the crowd for -a few minutes. I kept close to the energetic lady, being interested in -her talk. Suddenly she began to hop up and down on one leg and gasp for -breath. I never saw a lady hopping on one leg before, and it alarmed me. -The battalion of sightseers moved on; they seemed to be unaware of her -distress--or was it simply a lack of time? I stopped to see what I could -do for her. - -“Oh, my lord! My heavens!” she shouted, as she looked at me, with both -hands on her lifted thigh. “I've got a cramp in my leg! I've got a cramp -in my leg!” - -I supported the lady and spoke a comforting word or two. She closed her -eyes and rested her head on my arm, and presently put down her leg and -looked brighter. - -“There, it's all right now,” said she, with a shake of her skirt. -“Thanks! Do you come from Michigan?” - -“No.” - -“Where do you hail from?” - -“Pointview, Connecticut.” - -“I'm from Flint, Michigan, and I'm just tuckered out. They keep me going -night and day. I'm making a collection of old knockers. Do you suppose -there are any shops where they keep 'em here?” - -“Don't know. I'm just a pilgrim and a stranger and am not posted in the -knocker trade,” I answered. - -The crowd had turned a corner; and with a swift good-by she ran after -it, fearful, I suppose, of losing some detail in the domestic life of -Hadrian. - -So on one leg, as it were, she enters and swiftly crosses the stage. -It's a way Providence has of preparing us for the future. To this -moment's detention I was indebted for an adventure of importance, for as -she left me I saw Muggs, the sleek, pestiferous Muggs, coming out of -the old baths on his way to the gate. He must have been the man who had -called to see Norris that morning. He turned pale with astonishment and -nodded. - -“Well, Muggs, here you are,” I said. - -He handled himself in a remarkable fashion, for he was as cool as a -cucumber when he answered: - -“I used to resemble a lot of men, and some pretty decent fellows used -to resemble me, but as soon as they saw me they quit it--got out from -under, you know. Even my photographs have quit resembling me.” - -“Well, you have changed a little, but my hat and overcoat look just -about as they did,” I laughed. . - -“If I didn't know it was impossible I would say that your name was -Potter,” said he. - -“And if I knew it was impossible I would swear that your name was -Muggs,” I answered. - -“Forget it,” said he; “in the name of God, forget it. I'm trying to live -honest, and I'm going to let you and your friends alone if you'll let me -alone. Now, that's a fair bargain.” - -I hesitated, wondering at his sensitiveness. - -“You owe us quite a balance, but I'm inclined to call it a bargain,” I -said. “Only be kind to that hat and coat; they are old friends of mine. -I don't care so much about the two hundred dollars.” - -“Thanks,” he answered with a laugh, and went on: “I've given you proper -credit on the books. You'll hear from me as soon as I am on my feet.” - -“What are you doing here?” I asked. - -He answered: “Ever since I was a kid I've wanted to see the Colosseum -where men fought with lions.” - -“I am sure that you would enjoy a look at Hadrian's Walk,” I said, -pointing to the tourists who had halted there as I turned away. - -So we parted, and with a sense of good luck I hurried to Norris. - -“I've got a crick in my back,” I said. “Let's get out of here.” - -We proceeded to our motor-car at the entrance. - -“This ruin is the most infamous relic in the world,” said Norris, as -we got into our car; “it stands for the grandeur of pagan hoggishness. -Think of a man who wanted all the treasures and poets and musicians -and beauties in the world for the exclusive enjoyment of himself and -friends. Millions of men gave their lives for the creation of this -sublime swine-yard. Hadrian's Villa, and others like it, broke the back -of the empire. I tell you, the world has changed, and chiefly in its -sense of responsibility for riches. Here in Italy you still find the old -feudal, hog theory of riches, which is a thing of the past in America -and which is passing in England. We have a liking for service. I tell -you, Potter, my daughter ought to marry an American who is strong in the -modem impulses, and go on with my work.” - - - - -VII.--IN WHICH I TEACH THE DIFFICULT ART OF BEING AN AMERICAN IN ITALY - - - NORRIS had overtaxed himself in this ride to Tivoli and spent the next -day in his bed. - -“My conversation often has this effect,” I said, as I sat by his -bedside. “Forty miles of it is too much without a sedative. You need the -assistance of the rest of the family. Let Gwendolyn and her mother take -a turn at listening.” - -“That's exactly what I propose. I want you to look after them,” he said. -“They need me now if they ever did, and I'm a broken reed. Be a friend -to them, if you can.” - -I liked Norris, for he was bigger than his fortune, and you can't say -that of every millionaire. Not many suspect how a lawyer's heart can -warm to a noble client. I would have gone through fire and water for -him. - -“If they can stand it I can,” was my answer. “A good many people have -tried my friendship and chucked it overboard. It's like swinging an -ax, and not for women. One has to have regular rest and good natural -vitality to stand my friendship.” - -“They have just stood a medical examination,” he went on. “I want you -and Mrs. Potter to see Rome with Gwendolyn and her mother and give them -your view of things. Be their guide and teacher. I hope you may succeed -in building up their Americanism, but if you conclude to turn them into -Italians I shall be content.” - -“There are many things I can't do, but you couldn't find a more willing -professor of Americanism,” I declared. - -So it happened that Betsey and I went with Gwendolyn and her mother for -a drive. - -I am not much inclined to the phrases of romance. Being a lawyer, I hew -to the line. But I have come to a minute when my imagination pulls at -the rein as if it wanted to run away. I remember that an old colonial -lawyer refers in one of his complaints to “a most comely and winsome -mayd who with ribbands and slashed sleeves and snug garments and -stockings well knit and displayed and sundry glances of her eye did -wickedly and unlawfully work upon this man until he forgot his duty -to his God, his state, and his family,” and it is on record that this -“winsome mayd” was condemned to sit in the bilboes. - -The tall, graceful, blue-eyed, blond-haired girl, opposite whom I sat -in the motor-car that day, was both comely and winsome. She innocently -“worked upon” the opposite sex until one member of it got to work upon -me, and I'm not the kind that goes around looking for trouble. Even when -it looks for me it often fails to find me. - -I am a man rather firmly set in my way and well advanced upon it, but I -have to acknowledge that Gwendolyn's face kept reminding me of the best -days of my boyhood, when life itself was like a rose just opened, and -the smile of Betsey was morning sunlight. Backed by great wealth, its -effect upon the marryers of Italy can be imagined. - -Gwendolyn had survived the three deadly perils of girlhood--cake, candy, -and the soda-fountain. A pony and saddle and good air to breathe helped -her to win the fight until she went to school in Munich, where a wise -matron and the spirit of the school induced her to climb mountains and -eat meat and vegetables and other articles in the diet of the sane. Now -she was a strong, red-cheeked, full-blooded young lady of twenty. In -spite of the stanch Americanism of Norris, Gwendolyn and her mother were -full of European spirit. They liked democracy, but they loved the pomp -and splendor of courts, and the sound of titles, and the glitter of -swords and uniforms. As we got into the car we observed numbers of young -men staring at us, and I spoke of it, and Gwendolyn said to me: - -“I think that the young men in America are better-looking, but they -are so cold! All the girls tell me that these boys can beat them making -love, and I believe it.” - -“But most of our boys have work to do,” I said. “With them love-making -is only a side issue, and it often comes at the end of a long, hard day. -These Italians seem to have nothing else to do but make love.” - -“I don't see, for my part, why men who have plenty of money should -have to work,” said Mrs. Norris. “What's the use of having money if it -doesn't give you leisure for enjoyment?” - -“But leisure is like dynamite--you have to be careful with it,” I said. -“For most of us it's the only danger. All deviltry begins in leisure and -ends in work, if at all. Being naturally sinful, I don't fool with it -much. Of course you women are moral giants, and you don't need to be so -scared of it.” - -“You have to joke about everything,” said Mrs. Norris. “Sometimes I -think that I understand you and suddenly you begin joking, and then I -lose confidence in all you have said.” - -“I mean all I say and then some more,” I declared. “I assume that you -are moral giants or that you do a lot of work secretly. No _man_ could -keep his footing in the slippery path of unending leisure. In Europe -leisure is the aim of all, and where it most abounds morality is a joke. -Here blood and leisure are the timber of which all ladies and gentlemen -are made. In America we know that it's rotten timber. We have discovered -three great commandments. They are written not only on tablets of stone, -but everywhere. If they were printed across the sky they couldn't be any -plainer. You know them as well as I do.” The three ladies turned serious -eyes upon me and shook their heads. - -Then I shot my bolt at them: - -“They are: - -“1. Get busy. - -“2. Keep busy. - -“3. See that it pays, which means that you are to play as well as work.” - -Mrs. Norris smiled and nimbly stepped out of my way and bravely -answered, like a real rococo aristocrat: - -“I fear that you are prejudiced. I should be proud to have my daughter -marry into one of these old families, not hastily, of course, but after -we have found the right man. There are splendid men in some of them, and -your best Italian is a most devoted husband. He worships his wife.” - -“And if you're looking for a worshiper you couldn't find a place where -the arts of worship have been so highly developed,” I answered. “But no -American girl should be looking for a worshiper unless she's under the -impression that she created the world, and even then a doctor would do -her more good. Of course Gwendolyn would prefer a man, and what's the -matter with one of your own countrymen--Forbes, for instance?” - -“I couldn't pass his examination--too difficult!” said Gwendolyn, with a -laugh. “I think that he is looking for a world-beater--a girl who -could win the first prize in a golf tournament or a beauty show or a -competition in mathematics. What chance have I? He thinks that he -has got to be a rich man before he gets married. What chance has he?” - Clearly she wanted me to know that she liked him and resented his -apparent indifference. I suppose that he had not fallen down before her, -as other boys had done, and she could not quite make him out. Probably -that's why she preferred him. - -“He has wonderful self-possession,” I said. - -“Yes, he'll never let go of himself. All the girls say that about him. -He's a wise youngster.” - -“If he were in my place I don't believe he could hold out through the -day,” I declared. - -“She does look well, doesn't she?” said Mrs. Norris, as she proudly -surveyed her daughter. “Italy agrees with her, and she loves it and the -people.” - -“So do I,” was my answer. “The Italian people, who are doing the work of -Italy, are admirable. Out in the vineyards you will find young men who -are even good enough for Gwendolyn. It's these idle horse-traders that -I object to--these fellows who are trying to swap a case of spavined -respectability for a fortune.” - -“Oh, you're a mountain of prejudice!” Mrs. Norris exclaimed. “Now, -there's the Princess Carrero. She was an American girl, and she is the -happiest, proudest woman in Italy. Her husband is one of the finest -gentlemen I ever met.” - -“He's a dear!” Gwendolyn echoed. - -“For my part I think that international marriages are a fine thing,” - Mrs. Norris went on. “They are drawing the races together into one -brotherhood.” - -“But such a brotherhood will be hard on our sisterhood,” I objected. “A -wife here is the chief hired girl. Often if she doesn't mind she gets -licked, and if she's an American she must always pay the bills.” - -We had come to the great church of St. Paul, beyond the ancient walls of -the city. There we left our car and passed through a crowd of insistent -beggars to enter its door. We shivered in our wraps under the great, -golden ceiling high above our heads. Its towering columns and pilasters -looked like sculptured ice. It was all so cold! - -“It doesn't seem right,” I said to Mrs. Norris, “that one should get a -chill in the house of God.” - -“Keep cool ought to be good advice for Christians,” said Betsey. - -“But coldness and hospitality are bad companions,” I insisted. “Chilling -grandeur a people might reasonably expect from their king; but is it the -thing for a prodigal returning to his father's house?” - -“But isn't it beautiful?” - -Mrs. Norris wished me to agree, and I shocked her by saying: - -“Beautiful, but too much like kings' palaces. The Golden House of Nero -was just this kind of thing, and it's on record that Jesus Christ had no -taste for show and glitter. I believe He called it vanity.” Mrs. Norris -wore a look of surprise. The old horse called Honesty took the bit in -his teeth then and fairly ran away with me. - -“The whole difference between Europe and America is in this building,” I -said. “We no longer believe in kings or kings' palaces in heaven or upon -earth. With most of us God has ceased to be an emperor rejoicing in pomp -and splendor and adulation. We find that He likes better to dwell in a -cabin and a humble heart. We do not believe that he cares for the title -of king. We do not believe that there are any titles in heaven.” - -At this point I observed a look of astonishment in the face of Mrs. -Norris, so I suddenly closed the tap of my thoughts. - -Was it my philosophy? No, it was Muggs who lifted his hat (or rather my -hat) as he passed us with the sentimental Mrs. Mullet clinging to his -arm. - -“Don't notice him,” Mrs. Norris whispered to her daughter, as both -turned away. “It's that odious Wilton who used to come and see father.” - -I wondered how it was going to be possible for me to rescue Mrs. Mullet -under the circumstances of our covenant of non-interference. We turned -and left this splendid memorial to the great apostle Paul. - -Count Carola was waiting for us at the step of the car, and kissed the -hands of Mrs. Norris and Gwendolyn, and assisted them to their seats. I -was presented to him, and am forced to say that I didn't like the cut of -his jib. Still, I'm very particular about jibs, especially the jib of a -new boat. - -“Poor dear boy!” Mrs. Norris exclaimed, as we drove away. “There's a -lover for you!” - -“He grows handsomer every day,” said Gwendolyn, in a low, lyrical tone. - -“It's his suffering,” Mrs. Norris half moaned. - -“Do you really think so?” the young lady sympathized. - -“Hold on, Juliet!” said I. “If I were you I'd shoo him off the balcony. -He's a perfect lily of a man, but he won't do--too generous, too -devoted! We have men like him in America. There their titles are never -mentioned in the best society, and their persons are often cruelly -injured. For a badge of rank they have adopted a kind of liver-pad which -they wear often over one eye or the other. Of course on Broadway they -haven't the romantic environment of Italy, and are subject to all kinds -of violence.” - -Mrs. Norris flashed a glance of surprise at me. - -“You are a cruel iconoclast,” said she. “He belongs to one of the best -families in Italy.” - -“And if I were you I'd let him continue to belong to it; at least, -I wouldn't want to buy him. He acts like a book-agent or a seller of -lightning-rods, or a train-boy with his chocolates and chewing-gum. He -won't take 'No' for an answer. He keeps tossing his wares into your laps -and seems to say: 'For God's sake, think of my starving family and make -me some kind of an offer.' Do you think that compares in dignity with -the self-possession of Richard?” - -The ladies exchanged glances. Gwendolyn laughed and blushed. Mrs. Norris -smiled. I went on: - -“He defaces the landscape like the portraits of the late Mr. Mennen in -America. He shows up everywhere as an advertisement for his own charms.” - -[Illustration: 0106] - -“That's his legend.” - -“It's just a little ridiculous, isn't it?” said the girl. - -“Oh, the poor boy is in love!” Mrs. Norris pleaded, in a begging, -purring tone which said, plainly enough, “Of course you are right, but -every boy is a fool when he is in love, isn't he?” - -“So is Richard in love,” I boldly declared for him, “but he isn't on the -bargain-counter; he isn't damaged, shop-worn, or out of date; he hasn't -been marked down.” - -Two pairs of eyes stared at mine with a prying gaze. - -Gwendolyn leaned forward and grasped my hand. - -“Who in the world is he in love with?” she asked, eagerly. “Tell me at -once.” - -“Himself!” Mrs. Norris exclaimed, before I could answer. - -“No; with Gwendolyn,” I ventured. - -Both seemed to relax suddenly, and their backs touched the upholstery. - -“I haven't a doubt of it,” was my firm assertion. - -The fair maid leaned toward me again. - -“You misguided man!” she exclaimed. “Why do you think that?” - -“For many reasons and--_one_,” - -“What is the _one?_” Gwendolyn asked. - -“That is my last shot, and I am not going to throw it away. It's worth -something, and if you get it you'll have to pay for it.” - -“You cruel wretch!” she said, with a stinging slap on my hand. “What -then are your many reasons?” - -“They are all in this phrase, 'sundry glances of the eye.'” - -“How disappointing you are!” - -“And what a spoiled child you are!” I retorted. “Ever since you began to -walk you have had about everything that you asked for. The magic lamp of -Aladdin was in your hands. You had only to wish and to have. Of course -you don't think that you can keep on doing that. You'll soon see that -the best things come hard; they have to be earned, and I guess Dick -Forbes is one of them. He doesn't seem to be looking for money; what -he wants is a real woman. He can love, and with great tenderness and -endurance. He's a long-distance lover. His love will keep right along -with you to the last. He doesn't go around singing about it with a -guitar; he doesn't burst the dam of his affection to inundate an heiress -and swear that all the contents of the infinite skies are in his little -flood. That kind of thing doesn't go down any longer; it's out of date. -With us it's gone the way of the wig and the crown and the knight and -the noisome intrigue and the tallow dip and the brush harrow. We know -it's mostly mush, twaddle, and mendacity. Here in Europe you will still -find the brush harrow, the tallow dip, and the tallow lover, but not in -our land. If you get Richard Forbes you'll have to go into training and -try to satisfy his ideals, but it will be worth while.” - -The ladies changed color a little and sat with looks of thoughtful -embarrassment, as if they had on their hands a white elephant whose -playfulness had both amused and alarmed them. Twice Betsey and Gwendolyn -had broken into laughter, but Mrs. Norris only smiled and looked -surprised. - -“Perhaps you could tell me what his ideals are,” said Gwendolyn. - -Our arrival at the Borghese galleries saved me. We immediately entered -them and resumed the study of art. Nothing there interested me so much -as the busts of the old emperors. What a lot of human shoats they must -have been! Idleness and overeating had created the imperial type of -human architecture--eyes set in fat, massive jowls, great necks that -seemed to rise to the tops of their heads. With them the title business -began to thrive. It was nothing more or less than a license to prey on -other people. No wonder that every other man's life was in danger while -they lived. - -What modesty was theirs! When a man became emperor he caused a statue -of himself to be made as father of all the gods. It was probably not -so large as he felt, but as large as the rocks would allow--only some -fifteen feet high. It was the beginning of the bust and the portrait -craze. - -We passed from the hall of shoats to the picture-galleries. - -I have read of what Beaudelaire calls “the beauty disease,” and there -is no place where the young may be more sure of getting it than in these -Old-World art-galleries. Gwendolyn and her mother had a mild attack of -this disease, “this lust of the art faculties which eats up the moral -like a cancer.” The monstrous excesses of the idle rich are symptoms -of its progress. In Europe the church, the aristocracy, and the art -students have caught the fever of it. - -“How lovely! How tender!” said Gwendolyn, as we stood before the Danaë -of Correggio. - -“How lovely! How tenderloin!” I echoed, by way of an antitoxin. - -Here was a fifteenth-century ideal of female attractiveness radiating an -utterly morbid sensuality. The picture reeked and groaned with passion. - -Young men and women from towns and villages in our land who sat -industriously copying the works of old masters were turning money newly -made in Zanesville, Keokuk, Cedar Rapids, and like places into weird -imitations of Correggio, Titian, and Botticelli. Well, I expect that -they were having a good time, but I would rather see them copying the -tints and forms of nature near their own doors than worshiping the kings -of art, which is another form of the title craze. - -Here we met again the elderly lady with the beautiful feet who had -crossed on our steamer--Mrs. Fraley from Terre Haute. She presented -Betsey and me to Miss Muriel Fraley, her grandniece, a good-looking miss -of about twenty-three, who was copying the Danaë. Mrs. Fraley had found -new and delightful astonishments in Italy, the chief of which was this -Europeanized niece. She drew me aside and whispered: - -“She is a lovely child! Just notice the aristocratic pose of her head.” - -I allowed that I could see it, for I had to, and ran my mental hand into -the grab-bag for something to say and pulled out: - -“I like that blond hair--of--hers.” - -I observed, as the girl looked up, that her cheeks were just a bit too -red and that her eyes had been slightly emphasized. They did not need -it, either, for they were capital eyes to start with. - -“And she is as good as she is beautiful,” the old lady went on, in a low -tone of strict confidence. “And, you know, since she came here a real -count has made love to her.” - -“A count!” I exclaimed. - -There was a touch of awe in her tone as she said, “Belongs to one of the -oldest families in Italy!” - -I cleared my throat and thought of death and funerals and comic -supplements and such mournful things for safety. - -“I want you to meet him at dinner,” the good soul went on. “Where are -you stopping?” - -“At the Grand Hotel.” - -“We are near there, at the Pension Pirroni. You and Mrs. Potter must -dine with us.” - -I gradually separated myself from Mrs. Fraley and hastened to join my -friends. I found them with startled looks in a group of the ancient -marble gods and others who lived before the invention of trousers. - -“If I were to assume the license of Hercules and stand up here on a -pedestal, what do you suppose they'd do to me?” I whispered to Betsey. - -“You're no work of art!” said she. - -“No, I'm a man, and better than any imitation of a man, for when a lady -came into the room I should jump down and hide in some sarcophagus.” - -I left them with the poetic cattle of Olympus and went on and asked them -to look for me at the door. I lingered awhile with the lovely figures -of Canova and Bernini, and was glad at last to get out of the chilly -atmosphere of the gallery. - -I found the count at the door. He approached me and said, in broken -English: - -“The ladies, I suppose, they are yet inside now.” - -I saw my chance and took advantage of it. - -“Why do you follow them?” - -“Because I have the hope for good devil-_op_-ments.” - -His “devil-_op_-ments” amused me, and I could not help laughing. - -“Ah, Signore, I have very much troubley in my harrit,” he added. - -“And you will have trouble in other parts of your system if you do not -go away,” I said. “If you follow these ladies again I shall ask the -police to protect us. If they cannot keep you away I shall injure you in -some manner, or hire a boy to do it.” - -“What! You cannot achieve it!” he answered, in some heat. “You have -given me the insults. I shall implore my friend to call on you.” - -“Send him along,” I said, as he hurried away. - -The ladies came out presently, and I observed that Gwendolyn and her -mother seemed to miss the count. - -“He's discouraged, poor thing!” said Mrs. Norris, as we drove away. - - - - -VIII.--I AGREE TO FIGHT A DUEL AND NAME A WEAPON WITH WHICH EUROPEAN -GENTLEMEN ARE UNFAMILIAR - - THE count's friend called to see me that evening, as I expected. He was -a very good-looking young fellow who had more humor and better English -than the count. He was a Frenchman of the name of Vincent Aristide -de Langueville. Betsey had gone to the opera with Mrs. Norris and -Gwendolyn. I was alone. - -“For my friend, the Count Carola, I have the honor to ask you to name -the day and the weapons,” he said, with politeness, before he had sat -down. - -Now I was in for it. After all, I thought for traveling with an heiress -in this country one needs a suit of armor. - -“I'm a born fighter,” I said, “but almost always my weapons have been -words. They are the only weapons with which I am thoroughly familiar. I -propose that we have a talking-match. Put us, say, ten paces apart and -light the fuse and get back out of the way while we explode. We'll load -the guns with Italian, if he prefers it, and I'll give him the first -shot. After ten minutes you can carry him off the field. He'll be -severely wounded, but it won't hurt him any.” - -Vincent Aristide de Langueville laughed a little and said: - -“But, my dear sir, this is not one joke. We desire the satisfaction.” - -“And I will guarantee it,” was my answer. - -“But, sir, we must have the fight until the blood comes.” - -“Ah, you are looking for blood also,” I said. “Well, I have thought of -another weapon which once upon a time I could handle with some skill. -Let's have a duel with pitchforks.” - -“Pitchforks! What is it?” he asked. “I do not understand.” - -“It's a favorite weapon in New England. My great-grandfather fought -the Indians and the British with it, and it was one of the weapons -with which I fought against poverty when I was a boy. It's a great -blood-letter. I used to kill coons and hedgehogs with the pitchfork.” - -“Please tell me what it is. What is it?” he pleaded. - -With my pencil I drew a picture of it and said: “This handle is about -five feet in length and very strong. These three prongs are of steel and -curved a little and long enough to go through the abdomen of the most -prosperous mayor in France.” - -“My God! It is the devil's weapon!” he exclaimed. - -“You may report to him that the American pitchfork is the -'devil-_op_-ment' of our interview, and I shall name the day and hour as -soon as I can get hold of the weapon.” - -“I shall tell my friend, and, please, may I take the picture with me?” - said Vincent. - -“Certainly, and you may say to him that I shall cable for the forks -to-night, and that as soon as they arrive I shall appoint the day and -hour.” - -He gave me his card. - -“You live here in Rome?” I asked. - -“I do.” - -“Do you work for a living?” - -“I am a sculptor.” - -“I have often thought that I should like to see a sculptor. Sit down -till I get you framed and hung in my portrait-gallery.” - -“I must go,” said he. “Perhaps you will do me the honor to call.” - -I agreed to do so, just to show that I entertained no grudge, and with -that he left me. - -Before going to bed that night I cabled to my secretary as follows: - -“Ship to me immediately four well-made American pitchforks, three tines -each.” - -I said nothing to Betsey of the proposed duel, but broke the news that I -had met a great sculptor, and she wanted to see his studio, and next day -we called there. Mrs. Mullet was sitting for a bust, in her dinner gown. -Before we had had time to recognize the lady the artist had introduced -her as the Madame Mullette, from Sioux City. - -“Isn't this an adorable place?” she asked in that lyrical tone which one -hears so often in the Italian capital. She pointed at busts of several -Americans standing on pedestals and awaiting delivery. - -“Look at the whiskers embalmed in marble!” Betsey exclaimed, as she -gazed at one of the busts. It had that familiar chin tuft of the -Zimmermann hay-seed and a dish collar and string tie. The face wore the -brave, defiant, me-against-the-world look that I had observed in -the statue of Titus, made after he had turned Palestine into a -slaughter-house. - -“Why, that is our old friend from Prairie du Chien who came over on the -_Toltec_,” I said. “You remember the man who is studying the history of -the world, all about the life of the world, especially the life of the -ancients?” - -“Yes, indeed,” said Betsey. - -“He is one lumber king, and one very rich man,” the artist remarked. - -“You are spending some time here in Rome,” I said to Mrs. Mullet. - -“Oh, I am devoted to the Eternal City!” she exclaimed, and how she loved -the sound of that musty old phrase “Eternal City”! She added, “I have -been here four times, and I love every inch of it.” - -The sculptor resumed his work with a new sitter, while Mrs. Mullet went -with us from end to end of the great studio and whispered at the first -opportunity: - -“De Langueville is a wonderful man; he is a baron in his own country. If -you want a bust he will let you pay for it in instalments. Five hundred -dollars down and the remainder within three years.” - -The hectic flush of art for Heaven's sake was in her face. - -“A bust is a good thing,” I said. “I have often dreamed of having one. -There are times when I feel as if I couldn't live without it. If I had a -bust where I could look at it every day I suppose it would take some of -the conceit out of me. When I had stood it as long as possible I could -tie a rope around its neck and use it for an anchor on my rowboat.” - -“Perhaps it would scare the fish,” said Betsey. - -“In that case I could use it to hold down the pork in the brine of the -family barrel,” I suggested. - -“Oh, I think that you would sculp beautifully,” said Mrs. Mullet, in -a tone of encouragement, as she looked at my head. Then, by way of -changing the subject, she added, “I believe that Colonel Wilton is a -friend of yours.” - -“Colonel Wilton!” I said, puzzling over the name with its new title. -Even the American gentlemen enjoy titles. - -“Don't you remember meeting us in Saint Paul's? And didn't you trade -hats and coats with him in New York?” - -“No, he traded with me,” I said. “I know him like a book.” - -“Is he not a friend of yours?” - -“It would be truer to say that I am a friend of his.” - -I was on dangerous ground and thinking hard through all this. - -“But he knows Mr. Norris very well. I believe they are great friends.” - -“You may believe it, but I don't,” I answered, rather gravely. - -I had to decide what to do, and quickly. I had not forgotten my promise -to let Muggs alone, and it was of course the safer thing to do--just to -let him alone. But he had gone too far in expecting me to furnish him a -character. - -Mrs. Mullet began to change color, and that led me to ask: - -“Is Wilton a friend of yours?” - -“We are engaged,” said she. - -“Good heavens!” I exclaimed. - -I had heard that Mrs. Mullet had money, and she was good game for the -neat Mr. Wilton. Now I could see his reason for letting us alone in -Italy, where he was four thousand miles from danger. I saw, too, that I -must take a course which would inevitably expose us to more trouble, for -I could not permit this simple woman to be wronged. - -“Don't give him the source of your information,” I said. “I want to speak -kindly, and so I shall only say that he's a fugitive from justice. The -name Wilton is assumed.” - -Mrs. Mullet fell into a chair and seemed to find it hard work to -breathe. Betsey put her smelling-salts under the lady's nose. She -quickly regained her self-possession and rose and said, in a trembling -voice: - -“Thank you! I am going home.” - -She left, and again we paid our compliments to the artist, who politely -left his work to speak with us. He asked me for information regarding -certain Americans who owed him for busts. An actress had had herself -put, life-size and nude, into white marble, and after making her first -payment was maintaining a discreet silence in some part of the world -unknown to the artist. - -“How coy!” Betsey exclaimed as she looked at the marble figure. - -A Brooklyn woman and her two daughters had sat for busts and then had -weakened on the general proposition and abandoned the country when they -were half finished. I made haste to depart for fear that he might wish -to engage me as collector for his bust factory. - -Just beyond the door we met a young man who had come over on the boat -with us, and stopped for a word with him. I was telling him that I was -going to see the Pantheon that afternoon, when Muggs greeted me. - -“It's a wonderful ruin,” he remarked with a smile. - -I made no answer, and he entered the studio, probably to meet Mrs. -Mullet. He would get his dismissal soon. Then what? - - - - -IX.--A MODERN AMERICAN MARRYER ENTERS THE SCENE - - I HAVE read that there are no fairies in Italy, but I know better. -Italy is full of them, and they are the most light-footed, friendly, -impartial, democratic fairies in the world. They are liable to make -friends with anybody. Like many Italians, they seem to live mostly on -the foreign population. A number of them adopted me for a residence. -Sometimes, when they were playful, they made me feel like a winter -resort. They used to enjoy tobogganing down the slopes of my shoulders -and digging their toes in the snow; they held games here and there on my -person, which seemed to be well attended. I got a glimpse of one of them -now and then, and we became acquainted with each other; and, while he -was very shy, I am sure that he knew and liked me. I called him Oberon. -He and his kin did me a great service, for they taught me why people -move their arms and shrug their shoulders so much in Italy. Then, too, I -always had company wherever I happened to be. - -So when Betsey and the Norris ladies implored me to go with them to Mrs. -Dorsey's palace and hear a prince lecture, I reported that I was engaged -to play with the fairies, whereupon they concluded that I wanted the -time for meditation and left me out of their plans. So it happened that -I was, fortunately, alone with Norris when Forbes arrived, a full day -ahead of his schedule. - -The boy and I went out for a walk together. Before sailing he had spent -two weeks coaching the ball-team of his college and was in fine form. -His kindly blue eyes glowed with vitality and his skin was browned by -the sunlight. As I looked at that tall, straight column of bone and -muscle, with its broad shoulders and handsome head, I could not help -saying: “If you were standing on a pedestal here in Rome there'd be a -lot of gals in the gallery.” - -“Before you say things like that you should teach me how to answer them -with wit and modesty,” he said. - -“Keep your eye on me and you'll learn all the arts of modesty,” I -assured him. “And especially you will learn how to disarm suspicion when -you are accused of wit.” - -In a shaded walk of the Pincio Gardens he asked, “Is Gwendolyn looking -well?” - -“She's more beautiful than ever, and very well,” I said. “She will be -disappointed when she finds you here.” - -He stopped and faced me with a look of surprise, and asked: - -“Do you think so?” - -“I am sure of it, because she had planned to meet you with proper -ceremony at the station and take you off to a real Roman luncheon. I -am glad that you have come, for I have worked hard as your attorney and -need a rest. I have had some fun with it, but I am delighted to turn the -case over to you.” - -He did not need a chart to understand me, for he said: - -“You must tell me what progress you have made with it.” - -“Well, I suppose you have read of the Count Carola.” - -“Yes, and so has every one who knows Gwendolyn.” - -“He is the plaintiff who seeks to establish the claim that he is -a better man than you are. My defense has been so able that he -has challenged me, and I have named the weapons; they are to be -pitchforks--American pitchforks.” - -Forbes laughed and remarked: - -“You must take him for a bunch of hay.” - -“June grass!” I answered. “We'll need some one to rake after, as we used -to say on the farm, and I may ask you to be my second.” - -“Does the count amount to much?” - -“Not much; I have had him added up and his total properly audited.” - -“How are the judge and jury?” - -“The judge is in our favor; the jury is in doubt. Gwendolyn insists that -you don't want to marry any one at present.” - -“I want to, but I probably shall not,” he answered. “When I marry I want -to have done something besides having just lived. It seems as if it were -due my wife. Besides, when I get married I want to stay married; I don't -want any girl to marry _me_ and give her heart to some other fellow. She -must have time to be sure of one thing--that I am the right man. That -cannot be proven with passionate vows or bouquets or guitar music, but -only by sufficient acquaintance. On the other hand, I'd like to know, or -think I know, that she is the right girl. If Gwendolyn really wants to -marry a count it would be silly for me to try to convince her that I -am the better fellow. She must see that for herself. If she doesn't, -I should assume that she was right. God knows that I'm not so stuck on -myself as to question her judgment. I'm very fond of her, but I have -never let her suspect it.” - -“If I were you I'd begin to arouse her suspicions.” - -“That I propose to do, but delicately and without any guitar music. Love -is a very sacred thing to me.” - -“And the man who talks much about his love generally hasn't any,” I -suggested. - -“At least, if he has any love in him the cheapest way of showing it is -by talk and song.” - -“It's so awful easy to make words lie,” I agreed. - -“If she wants me to enter a lying-match with these Romeos I'll agree, -but only on condition that it's a lying-match--that we're only playing a -game. I won't try to deceive her. Women are not fools or playthings any -longer, are they? - -“Generally not, if they're born in America,” I agreed. - -Here was the modem American lover, and I must acknowledge that I fell in -love with him. He stood for honest loving--a new type of chivalry--and -against the lying, romantic twaddle which had come down from the feudal -world. That kind of thing had been a proper accessory of courts and -concubines. It would not do for America. - -“I see that I am putting the case in good hands. Go in and win it,” I -said. - -“I'll make it my business while I'm here,” said he. - -“You're a born business man. I know it's fashionable to hate the word -'business,' but I like it. In love it looks for dividends of happiness.” - -“And I've observed that a home has got to pay or go out of business,” - said he. “If Gwendolyn would put up with me I believe we could stand -together to the end of the game.” - -“I have some reason for saying that she is very fond of you,” I -declared. - -“I wouldn't dare ask you to explain, but you tempt me,” he said. - -“A good-attorney never tells all he knows unless he is writing a book,” - I answered. - -We had come to the Spanish Stairs, where converging ways poured a thin, -noisy fall of tourists and guide-books into the street below. I had seen -the Stairs in my youth. - - And I thought how many thousands - - Of awe-encumbered men, - - Each bearing his Hare and Baedeker, - - Had passed the Stairs since then. - -We made our way through crowded thoroughfares to the Pantheon and were -in the thicket of vast columns when some one touched my arm. Who was -this man with a blue monocle over his right eye, whose look was so -familiar? Ah, to be sure, it was Muggs. - -[Illustration: 0133] - -Again his mustache had disappeared, as had my hat and coat and the old -suit of clothes, and how that blue monocle and the new attire and the -smooth upper lip had changed the whole effect of Muggs! Evidently the -man was prosperous and entering a new career. How does it happen that he -has come in my way again, I asked myself, and then I remembered that he -knew that I was to be there. What was I to expect now?--violence or---- - -He smiled. - -“Charming day, isn't it?” he said, in his most agreeable tone. - -He had neatly and deliberately removed his monocle as he spoke. - -“Very! I suppose that stained-glass window of yours is a memorial to -Wilton?” - -He only smiled. - -“As a European you're a great success,” I went on. - -“Beginning a new life from the ground up,” said he, and added, with a -glance at the great bronze doors, “Isn't this a wonderful place?” - -“Yes, it was intended for a mammoth safe where reputations could be -stored and embellished and kept, but it didn't work.” - -“They cracked it and got away with the reputations,” said he, with a -smile. - -“Exactly! In my opinion every man should have his own private pantheon, -and see that his reputation is as strong as the safe. It's the -discrepancy that's dangerous. People won't allow a reputation to stay -where it does not belong.” - -He stepped closer and said, in a confidential tone, “I'm trying to -improve mine, and I wish you would help me.” - -“How?” - -“Come to a little dinner that I am giving and say a good word for me -when you can.” - -“Are you trying to marry Mrs. Mullet?” - -“Yes, I've fallen in love, and, as God's my witness, I'm living honest.” - -“Muggs, I'll help you to get a reputation, but I won't help you to get a -wife,” I said. “You must get the reputation first, and it will take you -a long time. You'll have to try to pay back the money you've taken and -keep it up long enough to prove your good faith.” - -Muggs's plan was quite apparent. He wanted an all-around treaty of -peace. He was still levying blackmail; the thing he demanded was not -cash, but a character. - -“That's exactly what I hope to do,” he explained. “I shall have all kinds -of money, and I propose to square every account.” - -“That's all right, provided Mrs. Mullet knows the whole plan and is -willing to undertake the responsibility.” - -He looked into my eyes, and said clearly in his smile: “You're the worst -ass of a lawyer that I ever saw in my life. I've tried to be decent, and -you've wiped your boots on me. Wait and see what happens now.” - -All that seemed to be in his smile, but not a word of it passed his -lips. He neatly adjusted the blue monocle and lifted his hat and said -“Good afternoon,” and walked away. - -I, too, had my smile, for I could not help thinking how this biter was -being bitten, and how his old friends, the ghosts of the past, were now -bearing down upon _him_. - -We tramped to St. Peters, where squads of tourists seemed to be reading -prayers out of red prayer-books and where a learned judge from Seattle, -who had lost his pocket-book in a crowd near the statue of St. Peter, -was delivering impassioned and highly prejudiced views of church and -state to the members of his party. - -We lunched at Latour's, where a long and limber-looking blond lady, who -sat beside a Pomeranian poodle with a napkin tucked under his collar, -consumed six cups of coffee and a foot and a half of cigarettes while we -were eating. She was one of the most engaging ruins of the feudal world. -What a theme for an artist was in the painted face and the sign of -the dog! The head waiter told us that she was an American who had been -studying art in Italy for years. - -She ought to be mentioned in the guidebooks, I thought, as we were -leaving. - -We tramped miles to an old barracks of a building called the -Cancellaria, which, according to Baedeker, was clothed in “majestic -simplicity.” - -“Baedeker is the Barnum of Europe,” I said, as we went on, “but he is -generally more conservative.” - -We arrived at the Grand Hotel a little before six. I went with Forbes -to the Norris's apartments. Gwendolyn opened the door for us and greeted -the young man with enthusiasm and led him to the parlor. Betsey was -there, and we went at once to our own room. - -“There's a new count in the game,” she remarked, as soon as we had -sat down together--“the Count Raspagnetti, whom we met to-day at Mrs. -Dorsey's. He's the grandest thing in Rome--six feet tall, with a monocle -and a black beard, and is very good-looking. He's no down-at-the-heel -aristocrat, either; has quite a fortune and two palaces in good repair, -and has passed the guitar-and-balcony stage. He's about thirty-two, and -seems to be very nice and sensible. Mrs. Dorsey calls him the dearest -man in the world, and she has invited us to dinner to meet him again. -It was a dead set for Gwendolyn, and the child was deeply impressed. It -isn't surprising; these Italian men are most fascinating.” - -“I suppose so,” I said, wearily. “The countless counts of Italy are -getting on my nerves. Counts are a kind of bug that gets into the brains -of women and feeds there until their heads are as empty as a worm-eaten -chestnut.” - -“Not at all,” said Betsey; “but if she must have a title--” - -“She mustn't,” I said. - -“You can't stop her.” - -“That remains to be seen,” was my answer. - -“Richard had better get a move on him,” said Betsey. “He can't dally -along as you did.” - -“Let him get his breath--he's only just landed.” - -According to my custom I dined with Norris in his suite. Forbes went -with the ladies to the dining-room. - -“Aren't you about ready to go back?” I asked, as I thought of Muggs's -smile. - -“I should like to,” he said, “but the girls are having the time of their -lives, and this air is making a new man of me. Then the young count -seems to have let go; he doesn't annoy us any more. I'm hoping that -Forbes will settle this count business.” - -While we were eating a telegram was put in my hands which read as -follows: - -_I am stopping at the Bristol in Florence and must have your -professional advice immediately._ - -_I cannot go to Rome, so will you kindly come here._ - -_I am in serious trouble. If I am not at hotel look for me third -corridor of paintings, Uffizi Gallery. Please regard this as strictly -confidential. M. Mullet._ - -I answered that she should look for me the next day, and said to Norris: - -“I have to go to Florence to-morrow.” - -“Take the car and your wife and the young people,” said he. “The roads -are fine, and you'll enjoy it.” - -I thanked him for the suggestion. - -“There's one other thing,” said he. “If you think Forbes means business -tell him at the first opportunity that I am an ex-convict, and let me -know how he takes it. We must be fair to him.” - -“Leave it to me.” - -“We'll take them down to Naples with the motor-car soon,” said Norris. -“Vesuvius is active again, and we must see her in eruption.” He did not -suspect that another Vesuvius was beginning to quake beneath us, and I -did not have the heart to speak of it. I hoped that I could serve as a -shock-absorber in the new eruption and save him any worry. - - - - -X.--A DAY OF ADVENTURES WITH TUSCAN ARTISTS AND OTHERS - - NEXT morning I found Betsey and the young people eager for the trip to -Florence. Richard and I had breakfast together at eight-thirty. - -“There's a new count in the game,” said he, as soon as we were seated -together. “He came to our table last evening. He's a grand chap and in -favor with the king, to whom he is going to present Gwendolyn and her -mother. He knows how to talk to women, and I don't. I shall not be in it -with him.” - -“As to which is the best man it's her judgment, not yours, that's -important,” I said. “So long as I am managing the case you must take -nothing for granted. Put her on the witness-stand, and let's know -what she has to say about it. Before that I must tell ye something--in -confidence. Norris is about the best fellow that I ever knew, but he got -into trouble when he was a boy. He was the victim of circumstances and -went to prison--served a year.” - -“I heard of that long ago,” said Forbes. - -“What!” I exclaimed, in astonishment. - -“Nobody cares anything about that. Everybody knows that he's a good man -now--that is enough in America.” - -“Do many know it?” - -“Probably not. I have heard that even Gwendolyn and her mother do not -know it.” - -It surprised and in a way it pleased me to learn that I had told him -what he already knew. I remembered that he had said, in his walk with -me, that the distinguished editor who had got the tragic story from -my lips was an uncle of his. So, after all, it was not strange that he -should know. - -“I presume that he had a wild youth, but he's a good man,” Forbes added. - -That was all we said about it. - -Our drive, which began at midday, took us through the loveliest -vineyards in Italy. I shall never forget the vivid-green valley of the -Arno as it looked that day. Lace-like vines spreading over the cresset -tops of the olives and between them and filling the air with color; -stately poplar rows and dark spires of cypress; distant purple mountain -walls and white palaces on misty heights--they were some of the items. -Here in these vineyards, and in others like them, are about the best -tillers in the world--a simple, honest, beauty-loving people who are the -soul of Italy, and, in the main, no country has a better asset. - -On the road we met the Litchmans, of Chicago, touring with their -yelling-machine and a special car trailing behind them filled with -clothes and millinery. - -That night we dined together and went to the opera. It was all Greek -to me, but it was great! They woke me at one, and we went home. Next -morning, having learned that Mrs. Mullet was not at her hotel, we all -proceeded to the vast Uffizi Gallery. Grand place! - -What a wonderful procession these people in marble and paint see every -day in the parade of weary pilgrims, in the moving mosaic of humanity. -What a Babel of tongues, all speaking Baedeker! I wonder if the gods, -emperors, and painted masterpieces fully appreciate this endless human -caravan. It is far more wonderful than they. Who are these people? Ask -any of them, and he will be apt to tell you that the rest are fools; -that almost every one of them is looking for conversational thunder -and--knockers! - -Some hurry. - -“Two more galleries to see, and the train goes at five,” you hear one of -them saying. - -I was nearly bowled over and trampled upon by three German women who had -lost their party. - -Once these marble floors were almost exclusively the highway of -the highbrows. Now the sacred children of the imagination are being -introduced to a new crowd. Newness is its chief characteristic. Here -are the overgrown multitude of the newly rich, the truly rich, and -the untruly rich. Here are the newly married, the unmarried, the -over-married, and the slightly married, and the well-married from all -lands, some of them new recruits in the great army of art. - -We passed through the Hall of the Ancient Imperial Shoats into the long -corridor filled with statuary. - -“The old gods seem to have had desperate battles before they gave up,” - Betsey said to me. “Most of them lost either an arm or a leg in the -war.” - -“Many were beheaded and chucked into the garbage-barrels,” I answered. -“The way Jupiter and Minerva were beaten up was a caution. It wasn't -right; it wasn't decent. They were a harmless, inoffensive lot; they -had never done anything to anybody. A lot of things were laid at their -doors, but nothing was ever proved against 'em. These days we know -enough to appreciate harmlessness.” - -“They were very beautiful,” said Betsey, “but they're a crippled lot -now.” - -“Yes, most of them have artificial limbs,” I answered. “All they do -now is to pose in vaudeville for the entertainment of humanity.” As we -neared the room where I was to meet Mrs. Mullet we bade the young people -go their way and look for us at the door about twelve-thirty. - -We found the lady copying the portraits of our first parents. Her breast -began to heave in a storm of emotion as she looked at us. - -“Who are your friends?” I quickly asked, by way of diverting her -thought. - -“This is Adam and Eve,” said she, almost tearfully. - -“I'm glad to see that they don't make company of us,” Betsey declared. - -“They receive everybody in that same suit of clothes,” I answered. “And -Eve's entertainment is so simple--apples right off the tree!” - -“I don't see but that they look just as aristocratic as they would if -they had sprung from poor but respectable parents,” said Betsey. - -“Adam looks like a rather shiftless, good-natured young fellow, easily -led, but, on the whole, I like them both,” was my answer. “They're frank -and open and aboveboard. If you're looking for your first ancestors and -must have them, I don't think you could do better. Certainly Mr. Darwin -has nothing to offer that compares with them.” - -Betsey and I had our little dialogues about many objects in our way, and -now we had got Mrs. Mullet righted, so to speak, and on a firm working -basis. She showed us through the gallery. I remember that she was -particularly interested in the Botticelli paintings. - -Mrs. Mullet said that she adored the Madonna--a case of compound -adoration, for in its adoring group Botticelli succeeded in painting the -most inhuman piety that the world has seen. - -“Isn't that glorious?” Mrs. Mullet asked, as we stopped before his -Venus--a tall lady standing on half a cockle-shell, neatly poised on -breezy water. - -“She has crooked feet,” said Betsey. - -“Well, I guess yours would be crooked if you had been to sea on a -cockle-shell,” I said, which will prove to the learned reader that we -were about as ignorant of art as any in that hurrying crowd of misguided -people. - -“Oh, I think it's a wonderful thing! Look at the colors!” Mrs. Mullet -exclaimed. - -“But the toes are so long--they are rippling toes. Those on the right -foot look as if they had just finished a difficult run on the piano,” - Betsey insisted. - -“She might be called the Long-toed Venus,” I suggested. “But she isn't -to blame for that. I suppose she was born with that infirmity.” - -So we crude and business-like Americans went on, as we flitted here and -there, sipping the honey from each flower of art. - -Twelve-thirty had arrived, and I suggested to Betsey that she should -meet the young people and go with them wherever they pleased, and that -they could find me at the hotel at four. She left us, and I asked Mrs. -Mullet what I could do for her. - -“I'm in perfectly awful trouble,” she sighed, with rising tears. - -“Tell me all about it,” I said. “But please do not weep, or people will -wonder what this cruel old man has been doing to you.” - -“That man insisted that I should have my bust made and my portrait -painted and agreed to pay for them, but now of course I shall have to -pay for them myself. He has threatened to sue me for a hundred thousand -dollars for breach of promise. It will take more than half my property.” - -“Don't worry about the suit,” I said. “I'll agree to save you any cost -in that matter. As to the bust, you can use it for a milestone in your -history. The painting will show you how you looked when you were--not as -wise as you are now. You can look at it and take warning.” - -“I couldn't bear to look at them. I feel as if I never wanted to see -myself again. I have written to everybody at home about this engagement. -It's just perfectly dreadful!” Again she was near breaking down. - -“You ought to be glad--not sorrowful,” I said. “That man can't even play -a guitar. If he had a title or a fortune we wouldn't mind his being a -scamp, but he hasn't. He hasn't even a coat of arms.” - -“There! I'm not going to cry, after all,” she declared, as she wiped her -eyes. “I'm glad you've kept me from breaking down.” - -“I wonder that you didn't wait until you knew him better before making -this engagement,” I said. - -“But he was so gentlemanly and nice,” she went on; “and Mr. Pike, the -lumber king from Michigan, introduced him to me and said that he had -known him a long time. Then the colonel is acquainted with counts and -barons and other grand people. He claimed to be an old friend of yours -and of Mr. Norris. He said that the last time he called on you he went -away with your hat by mistake, and showed me your initials in the one he -wore.” - -“He often associates with property of a questionable character, but I -was not aware that he had got in with the counts and barons,” I said. - -“He knows the Count Carola very well,” she declared. - -“Leave them to each other--they deserve it,” I said. “Return to Rome and -refer Wilton to me, and refuse to have anything more to do with him.” - -She asked for my bill, but I assured her that dollars were too small -for such a service, and that I couldn't think of accepting anything less -than thanks in a case of that kind. - -I left her and got a bite to eat and went to our hotel at three-thirty. -Betsey was waiting for me at the door. She was pale and excited. - -“We've had a dreadful time,” said she. “Gwendolyn and I had gone on -while Richard was paying our bill in a shop. Suddenly a young man came -and spoke to Gwendolyn. Richard saw it. In a second I heard a horrible -thump and saw the young Italian lying in the mud. He didn't try to get -up. Looked as if he was sleeping.” - -“It's bad weather for Romeoing,” I answered. “That count should have -waited till the streets were dry. Where are they?” - -“Gwendolyn is in the parlor. Richard said that we should look for him on -the road and took a fiacre and flew. The girl is frightened.” - -Betsey brought her out, and we got into the car and sped away. - -“One more count!” I exclaimed, with a laugh. - -“One less count!” said Gwendolyn. “I'm sure he's dead.” - -“Ladies have limited rights outside the house in Italy,” I said. - -“I don't mind those silly men,” said Gwendolyn. “I've been spoken to -like that a dozen times, but I hurry along and pretend that I do not -hear them.” - -“That count will be careful after this,” I suggested. - -“If he lives,” said Gwendolyn. “I'm afraid that his head is cracked.” - -“His head was cracked long ago,” was my answer. - -“Uncle Soc,” said Gwendolyn (she had begun to call me Uncle Soc there in -Italy), “Richard and Italy could never get along together.” - -“Richard, Gwendolyn, and America are a better combination,” I suggested. - -“What a pretty thought!” she exclaimed, just as we overtook the young -man about a mile out on the highway to Rome. - -“Get in here and behave yourself,” I said. “You've had exercise enough.” - -“I could stand more, if necessary,” he answered, with a laugh, as he sat -down with us. - -That ride to Rome was one of the merriest, in my life. For the young -people it had been a day of joy and progress, but on the whole it hadn't -been a highly creditable day. So let's drop the curtain right here and -let it go into history. - - - - -XI.--IN WHICH WE GET INTO THE FLASH AND GLITTER OF HIGH LIFE - - NEXT evening Betsey and I went to dinner with Mrs. Moses Fraley, of -Terre Haute, at a fashionable hotel. There we saw a show-window in one -of the greatest matrimonial department stores in Europe. Buyers and -sellers and bought and sold were there in full force to inspect the -bargains, and we were able to note reliably the undertone of the market; -and our observations had some effect, I believe, on the fortunes of Miss -Norris. - -Nothing was said of “the count” in our invitation, but we hoped to -have at least a look at him. We put on our best clothes, and our plain, -agricultural natures were well disguised when the impressive head porter -at our destination helped us out of Norris's car and almost touched his -forehead on the pavement at sight of us. That bow was easily worth a -two-franc piece, and he got it. - -“The Yank and his franc are easily parted,” Betsey remarked, as we -entered the great whirling door. - -We were in the game, and I was firmly resolved to keep pace with -our compatriots from Terre Haute for one evening, anyhow. Two more -double-franc pieces in the coat-room established my reputation. With -a good suit of clothes and the sudden expenditure of two dollars and a -half you can acquire a reputation in any European hotel. Reputations -are the cheapest things in Europe, but the costs for upkeep are -considerable. Every young man in the place was trying to do something -for us and I began to feel the rich, blue blood in my veins. - -Mrs. Fraley and her niece, in long trains, received and presented us to -their guests. Among them was the lady from Flint who had got the cramp -in her leg at Hadrian's Villa, and who lived at the same boarding-house -with Mrs. Fraley. Her name was Sampf--“Mrs. Sampf,” they called her. I -always have to go to my note-book when I try to think of that name. We -always refer to her as the lady whose name sounded like boiling mush. -There were also a sad but handsome young woman of the name of Rantone, -a Minnesota girl who had married an Italian doctor; Mr. Pike, the -whiskered lumber king who was studying the history of the world and -whose bust we had surveyed in the studio of De Langueville, and a -certain young man connected with one of the embassies. - -“The count couldn't come,” said Mrs. Fraley. “He wrote that nothing -would please him more than to meet Mr. and Mrs. Socrates Pot ter, but -that he was, unfortunately, quite ill.” - -I did not know until then that these good people had come to meet us. - -“Perhaps you'll help us to appraise our loss by giving me his name,” I -suggested. - -“Oh, it is the wonderful Count Carola!” said she. “He is about the most -fascinating creature that I ever saw.” - -My brain reeled and fell at her feet and called silently for help. In -half a second it had picked itself up again. - -We went into the dining-room. What a fair of jewels and laces and -fresh-cut flowers! At eleven o'clock they were going to have a -dance--kind of a surprise party! They called it The Ball of the Roses. -Our table had a big crop of red and white roses, and in the middle of it -was a little fountain among ferns. Its spray fell with a pleasant sound -upon water-lilies in a big, mossy bowl. - -The retired lumber king sat opposite me, and a retired frog sat between -us on a lily-pad at the edge of the fountain-bowl. He was a goodsized -real frog who was planning to return to active life, I judged, for he -sat with alert eyes as if on the lookout for a business opportunity. I -observed that he looked hopefully at me when I sat down at the right of -Mrs. Fraley, with Mrs. Sampf at my side, as if willing to abandon the -frivolous life any minute if I could suggest an opening for an energetic -young frog. Mrs. Fraley explained that the frog was tied to the edge of -the bowl by a silk thread which was fastened about his neck. I ceased -then to fear and suspect him. - -I could not help thinking how much good Terre Haute money had gone into -these decorations, and we should have been just as well pleased without -the frog and the fountain. - -Here we are at last right in the midst of things--grandeur! high life! -nobility! abdominal hills and valleys! fair slopes of rolling, open -country with their stones imbedded in gold and platinum! toes twinging -with gout! faces with the utohel look on them! - -What a pantheon of rococo deities was this dining-room--princes and -princesses, counts and discounts, countesses and marquises, Wall Street -millionaires and millionheiresses, and average American wives and widows -with friends and dining-men. What is a dining-man? He's a professional -diner-out. He has only to look aristocratic and speak Italian--or -English with a Fifth-Avenue accent--and be able to recognize the people -worth while. A fat old English duchess with a staff in her hand and the -royal purple in her hair made her way to her table with the walk of an -apple-woman. There was no nonsense about her, no illusions, no clinging -to a vanished youth. She was a real woman, and I could have kissed the -hem of her garments for joy. - -A lady sat at one of the tables who suggested the chloride of nitrogen, -being so fat and fetched in at the waist that her shoulders heaved at -every breath, and one could not look at her without fearing that she -would explode and fill the air with hooks and eyes and buttons. - -A large, swell-front, fully furnished Pennsylvania widow sat near us -with her young daughter and a marquis and a well-earned reputation for -great wealth. It seemed to be a busy, popular, agreeable reputation, -with many acquaintances in the room. The widow's costume pleaded for -observation and secured it, for she sat serene and prodigious in jeweled -fat and satin, dripping pearls and emeralds and diamonds. There was -a battlement of diamonds on her brow and a cinch of them on her neck, -surrounded by a stone wall of pearls as big as the marbles that I used -to play with as a boy. Hanging from her ears were two mammoth pearls, -either of which in a sling might have slain Goliath. Her shoulders -glowed with gems, and a stomacher of diamonds adorned her intemperate -zone. What a fresco of American abundance she made in the remarkable -decorations of that room. By and by she drew a wallet from her breast -and paid her bill. - -“How wonderful!” our hostess exclaimed, suddenly. - -A princess in red slippers and with no stockings on her feet, as Mrs. -Fraley informed me, strode in with her young man and took a table near -us. She had been a Wisconsin girl, and her happy Fifth Avenue dialect -rose like the spray of a fountain and fell lightly on our ears. - -“We had a sockless statesman in our country, but I never heard of a -sockless princess before,” Mrs. Sampf sputtered. “They tell me that some -of these aristocrats are very poor.” - -Mrs. Sampf had been to Egypt and the Holy Land, and talked freely of her -travels. - -“Yes, we went up the Nile to see the dam,” she said. “It's a good dam, I -guess, but I didn't care much for it. What I wanted to see was the life. -The folks are awful dirty; I wanted to take a scrubbing-brush and some -Pearline and go at 'em.” - -“A few American women with scrubbing-brushes would improve the Egyptian -race,” I suggested. “How about the food?” - -“Heavens! I've et everything there is going, I guess; it would take -you a month to learn the names of the vittles. I've got 'em all in my -diary.” - -“I suppose you enjoyed the ruins,” I said. - -And she went on: - -“I saw a bull temple; it was very nice. You know, they used to worship -bulls. I don't know what for. They must have been hard up for something -to worship. There was five of us traveling on our own hooks. We saw one -temple that was quite nicely carved--had crows and goats on it. I love -goats. Sometimes I think that I must have been a goat in some previous -life.” - -I disagreed with her. - -“The pyramids were curious things,” she continued. “Some folks never -slid down into 'em at all after traveling all that distance, but -I slid. Since I was a child I have always loved sliding. The most -interesting thing I saw was three baby camels and some Highland soldiers -in Jerusalem with no pants on and funny little skirts that came down -to their knees,” she continued. “In the Holy Land I saw a lot of men in -skirts with baggy pants reaching from their knees down.” - -She was apparently much interested in the subject of pants, and hurried -on: - -“I found a wonderful old knocker there. By the way, I'm making a -collection of knockers. Have you seen any good ones here in Rome?” - -“Not a knocker! But I haven't been looking for them.” And I added, “I -wonder some one doesn't make a collection of pants--pants of every age -and clime.” - -“What kind of pants did the ancient Romans wear?” she asked. - -“The same as Adam--the style hadn't changed in ages.” - -This woman had got a knocker in Jerusalem, and seen some baby camels -and a number of pantless men; she had seen a bull temple and slid into -a pyramid in Egypt; she had “et vittles” everywhere, and suffered from -cramp in sundry places, and languished in a hot, stuffy state-room with -a quarrelsome lady from Connecticut, all for sixteen hundred dollars -and four months of time. Yet far more than half of the great caravan of -American tourists invading Europe and the East get no more than she did. -The poetry and beauty of the Old World and the money of the New are thus -wasted on each other. - -“America is a pretty good country,” I suggested. “There are buildings -in New York as wonderful as any you will see here, and our scenery is -excellent.” - -“But we have no ruins,” said Mrs. Fraley. - -“On the contrary, we have the grandest ruins in the world,” I insisted. -“We have the ruins of slavery and of the old error of unequal, rights; -there all our feudal inheritance has been turned into ruins. Even that -everlasting lake of fire, which is still needed in Europe, is with us -a cold and mossy ruin. Nothing in it but garbage these days. We have -physical ruins, too, and very ancient ones, but we are a working -community, not a show. In our structures, like the Pennsylvania Station, -is the sublimity of hope and promise, not the sublimity of death and -decay.” - -My friends looked at me with surprise. They had heard only the lyrical -chorus of their countrymen accompanied by the jingle of francs. - -“You're right,” said the lumber king. “I thought that I'd try to live -here a few years because I can't find enough playmates in America; every -one is busy there. So I thought I'd come over here and study and fool -around. It's done me good.” - -“Fooling around is better than nothing if done with energy and vigor,” - I suggested. “A capable fool-arounder isn't worth much, but he can keep -his liver busy. Here they have professional fool-arounders with gold -letters on their caps to set the pace. It's all right for a while, but -you'll want to get back to the lumber business.” - -“Maybe you're right, but Europe has done me a lot o' good,” said Mr. -Pike. “The cure up at Kissingen fixed my stomach trouble. Cost like Sam -Hill, but it knocked it out.” - -“What was the cure?” I asked. - -“Made me walk _ten_ miles a day, and take baths and give up pastry, and -go to bed at nine.” - -“And you had to travel four thousand miles and give up a lot of good -American money to learn that?” I asked. “Old Doctor Common Sense, -assisted by a little will-power, would have done that for you without -charge right in your own home. Is it possible that the old doctor has -gone out of business in Prairie du Chien?” - -“He died long ago,” said the lumber king. “We have to be led to water -like a horse these days.” - -“We follow Cook in the trails of Baedeker instead of following the hired -man, and we value everything according to its cost,” I answered. “But -it's good for the Yankee to travel in a pieless world.” - -“Travel is such a wonderful thing!” exclaimed Mrs. Fraley, who preferred -to paddle in the heavenly gush-ways. “Don't you _love_ Italy?” - -I took off my mental shoes and stockings and began to paddle with her. - -“Grand country!” I splashed. - -Then she lay down in the stream and got wet all over as follows: - -“It's so wonderful! I love the churches and their music, and mosaics and -statues, and the palaces and the nobility,” Mrs. Fraley chanted. “These -well-bred Italians look so aristocratic!” - -“And they act so aristocratic--nothing to do but eat and drink and sleep -and dance and get married!” was my answer. “We're rather careless about -those things in America. A real aristocrat always gets married very -carefully and so rescues himself from the curse of toil if need be. We -don't take any pains with our marrying. We marry in the most offhand, -reckless fashion just to gratify our emotions.” - -“We forget that a dollar married is better than two dollars earned,” - said Betsey. - -“And isn't soiled by perspiration,” I said. “In this room are some of -the shrewdest marryers in the world--men who by careful attention to -the business have amassed fortunes. Here, too, are some of the most -promising young marryers in Italy. They are sure to make their mark.” - -“Indeed! You must tell me of them,” said the good soul. - -“I shall tell you of one only--not now but before I leave you,” I -answered. - -There was a high, moral purpose back of this remark, but it seemed to -get me into trouble, for I had no sooner finished it than the frog gave -a swift leap, broke his halter, and landed on me. I suppose that he -was an Italian frog. Possibly he had only slipped his halter--I never -learned the precise facts. Anyhow, he had got on the edge of the bowl -unobserved, and picked out a partner. He could not have chosen a worse -place to land, for he struck my shirt with a noisy thud just under my -necktie, and bounded into a dish of French dressing and out of it. I saw -him bracing, and was about to seize him when he fetched a leap that took -him over the head of the lumber king. The frog landed with a wet thump -on the bare back of the sockless princess--who sat close behind Mr. -Pike--and tumbled into her train. He was not much of a bareback-rider, -that's a sure thing. The princess gave a rebel yell and jumped to her -feet and in honest Wisconsin English wanted to know what in God's name -it was. The frog had got his toe-nails caught in some lace, and was -captured by a waiter. Ladies who had not spoken the American language in -years used it freely. - -The princess left the room with her friends and a quantity of French -dressing on her back. The diplomat looked at me and smiled and said: - -“The princess is in hard luck, and I can't help speaking of it. If a -meteor should fall into Italy it would land on the princess. Her husband -gets drunk now and then and beats her up. I believe that he has worn -out several canes on her person. I saw her once when she had been beaten -black and blue. She decided then to leave him.” - -“But didn't?” I asked. - -“No; her husband made love to her again, and she couldn't resist him. -He's a great love-maker. Two or three times she has been on the point of -going back to her people, but hasn't. Poor thing! She's too proud to go -home and acknowledge the truth--that she has been a fool and her husband -a brute.” - -I was now pretty well prepared for my next talk with Mrs. Norris. - -We left the dining-room, and I took Mrs. Fraley to a seat in the -corridor and told her of the knight-like temperament of the young Count -Carola, and of his high rank as a discoverer of wealth and beauty. - -She showed no surprise, but said: “We had heard that he was engaged to -Miss Norris, but the count says that the report is untrue. He has -not really asked my niece to marry him yet, but he calls her the most -beautiful woman he ever saw. Do you blame him?” - -“Not a bit, although your niece is the second girl to whom he has -awarded the first premium within three days. There may be others, but -that is going some.” - -All this had no effect on the armor-clad, brain-proof lady to whom it -was addressed. - -“It's his natural chivalry,” she said, as I rose to go. - -“And discovering the most beautiful woman in the world is his daily -habit,” was my answer; and we bade each other good night. - -When Betsey and I were going home she gave me an account of her talk -with Mrs. Rantone. The young woman's father had been a successful -Minnesota grocer. The family came to Italy on a Cook's tour. The young -man fell in love with the grocer's daughter, and they met him everywhere -they went. He followed them to Minnesota, and the two were married -there. Mrs. Rantone had said that he was a fine man and an excellent -doctor, but that his friends would have nothing to do with her because -she was the daughter of a tradesman of moderate means. They had supposed -that every American who traveled abroad was rich, as indeed such -travelers ought to be. After living nearly eight years in Rome she -had only three Italian friends. She naturally felt that she was a -dead weight on the shoulders of her husband; that she could contribute -nothing to his success and she was most unhappy. - -“Are your parents still living in Minnesota?” Betsey asked. - -“They're all alone in the old home,” said the poor expatriate. - -“They must miss you terribly.” - -“Well, why did they bring me here?” was her pathetic answer. - -I could see that Betsey was recovering from the fascinations of the -marriage market. - -“The 'devil-_op_-ments' of this night should have some effect on the -price of Romeos,” I remarked. - -“And the insanity of Juliets,” said Betsey. “I'm going to spring this on -Gwen and her mother. But they won't believe it.” - -When we arrived at our hotel its porter gave me a note from Norris which -said: - -“Please come to my room on receipt of this.” - - - - -XII.--IN WHICH NORRIS TAKES HIS LIGHT FROM UNDER THE BUSHEL - - I FOUND Norris in bed, propped up with pillows and looking very pale. -His mother and nurse were with him; the ladies had gone out to dinner -with Forbes and would spend an hour or so at the ball. - -“I had a bad turn at ten o'clock,” said Norris, “but the doctor came -and patched me up, and has gone out for a walk. Mother, will you and the -nurse go into the other room until I call you? I want to talk with Mr. -Potter.” - -Mrs. Norris, the elder, was a slim, tender little woman, with a flavor -of the old-time Yankee folks in her customs and conversation. When she -was not doing something for her “boy,” as she called him, I often found -her sitting in her rocking-chair by the window with her fancy-work or -her Bible. Once when I sat waiting to see Norris, while he was napping, -she sang “The Old, Old Story” in a low voice as she rocked. - -Before leaving the room that night, when I had been summoned to his -bedside, she went to his bed and leaned over him and looked thoughtfully -into his face. Then she gently touched it with her hand. - -“How is my boy feeling now?” she asked. - -“Oh, I'm better, mother,” he answered, cheerfully. - -“You look more and more like your father,” she said, standing by the -bed, with her hands on her hips, reluctant to leave him. - -“I wish I were as good a man as my father,” said Norris. - -“Your father! He is one of the saints of heaven,” she answered. - -Then she turned away and went through the door which the nurse had left -open in her departure. - -“I am glad that you heard her say that,” said Norris. “It will help -you to understand my father. I remember hearing a man say once that my -father would go to Hades for a friend. Of course that overdrew it, but -he was a most generous man, and what a woman my mother is! I often wake -in the night and find her looking down at me, and she's up at daylight -every morning. Wherever she is there's a home--something not made with -hands, and it is very dear to me.” - -“The old, old sort--there's not many of them left,” I said. - -“Now, for the new sort,” he whispered, as he drew a letter from his -breast pocket and passed it to me. - -It was from the young Count Carola, and I was not in the least surprised -by this message in English which, with all its impurity, was better than -the count knew: - -It has become possible for me to render you a service, and I am glad to -do the same, knowing that you are one of nature's noblemen. As you know, -my income is not large, and I sometimes write articles for a newspaper -here in Rome and for another in Naples, being fond of literature and -politics. To-day a man asked me to read a story which they had and -translate it into the Italian language. I found that it was an account -of your career and told of things which, if they were published, would -injure you and your family. I could not believe them, knowing, as I do, -that you are the soul of honor. I told the man that it was false, and -that he had better not publish it. After some arguments he gave up all -idea of publishing the story, and gave it over to me. I was glad to do -what I did, because I love you and the dear madame and your beautiful -daughter, Miss Gwendolyn. - -It would not be consistent with the honesty of a gentleman of my -standing to take anything from a friend for such a favor, and I ask you -to offer me no reward but your friendship. So please do not think of it -again. But may I not hope that you will let me try to win your heart. -Mine is an ancient name and family, and every member of it has lived -honest to this day. I would like to go to America and go to work in -some business. I am tired of living idle and would be thankful for your -advice. I am also very much worried, and I speak of it with regrets. I -hear that Mrs. Norris is favorable to the Count Raspagnetti. You would -not, I am sure, permission your daughter to marry him without securing -information about his character, which you can accomplish it so easily -here in Rome. - -I made light of the whole matter to save him worry, but what I saw in it -was a conspiracy between Muggs and the count; Muggs had dictated most -of the letter. The thumb-print of Muggs was unmistakable. “Nature's -nobleman,” “the soul of honor,” “a gentleman of my standing,” “lived -honest!” Who but the nugiferous Muggs, with his cheap, learned-by-rote -polish, would express himself in that fashion? Any one who had known -Muggs for an hour would see his hand in this letter. There were his -stock phrases and that peculiar adverbial weakness of his. Who but Muggs -could have written that sentence calculated to answer Norris's chief -objection to such a man--idleness? He had delivered the whip into the -hands of the count, but was holding the reins. The business part of the -thing being over, Muggs had let him finish the letter in his own way. - -“Who is the Count Raspagnetti?” Norris asked. - -“I do not know him.” - -“A new candidate of whom I have not heard!” - -“And another discoverer of wealth and beauty,” I said. “Refer him to me. -Above all, don't have any communication with the slim count.” - -“Potter, you are a great friend,” he said. “What the Count Carola wants -is to marry my daughter, and I shall not submit to it.” His anger had -risen as he spoke. He whispered his determination with a clenched fist. - -“At last we have come to a parting of the ways,” he went on. “I don't -know how I shall do it, but I'm going to confess my sins. We'll get the -family together, and I'll lay my heart bare. It's the only thing to do. -It will be hard on Gwendolyn, but not so hard as marrying a reprobate. -It will be hard on my wife, but there are things worse than disgrace.” - -“I welcome you back to happiness and sanity,” I said, giving him my -hand. - -“Do you think I have been crazy?” - -“Well, you haven't been right in your head on this subject, not quite -sane about it. You have reminded me of a woman I knew who threw her cat -out of a second-story window. The cat with open claws landed on top of -a bald-headed gentleman. Then she tumbled down a flight of stairs and -broke a clavicle and the nose of a man who was coming up. And what do -you think it was all about?” - -He smiled as he looked up at me and shook his head. - -“Nothing,” I said. “She thought the house was afire when it wasn't. -If you stand up to this thing like a man you'll be surprised by what -happens and by the immensity of your former folly. Women are not -playthings. They are built to carry trouble. A good woman can walk off, -like a pack-horse, with a burden of trouble. You haven't been fair to -your women. You have treated them as if they were too good to be human. -It's a gross injustice.” - -“Call my mother,” said Norris, “and then go down and meet Gwendolyn -and Mary and bring them here. I'm going to make an end of this thing -to-night.” - -“Please remember this--don't get excited, keep cool, and take it easy. -I'll stand by you.” - -“Oh, I'm quite calm now that my mind is made up,” said he. “If it kills -me I couldn't die in a better cause.” - -I called his mother and went below stairs. As I waited I thought of the -new plan of Muggs. The count's letter clearly intimated that Norris -must be his friend or he would publish the facts. If he could force a -marriage he would share the financial end in some manner with Muggs. A -little after one o'clock the ladies arrived with Richard Forbes. I took -charge of Gwendolyn and her mother, and the boy bade us good night. - -We sat down together for a moment. - -“We had a wonderful time,” said Gwendolyn. “All the aristocracy of Rome -was there.” - -“Including the wonderful Count Raspagnetti,” her mother added. “The -young Count Carola stood near as we got into our car. He is the most -pathetic thing!” - -“We must have nothing more to say to him,” I said. “He has discovered -another most beautiful woman in the world in Miss Muriel Fraley, of -Terre Haute. He is one of the greatest beauty-finders that I have ever -seen. But we must have nothing more to say to him. He has resorted to -blackmail to achieve his purpose.” - -“What do you mean?” asked Mrs. Norris. Before I could answer she -suddenly opened her heart to me. - -“So many things have happened and are happening which I cannot -understand,” said she. “My husband has never taken me into his -confidence. I have long known that he was troubled about something. It -has always seemed to annoy him if I rapped ever so softly on the door -of his mystery. Now I do not dare to come near it for fear of making him -worse. You seem to know the man Wilton. Who is he? Why does he turn up -in Italy? I detest him, and I am sure that my husband does also.” - -“Mr. Norris has had business relations with him, but they are now at an -end,” I answered. - -“So I had hoped,” said she. “But he called here to see my husband -yesterday. Of course he didn't succeed. The nurse gave Mr. Norris the -card, and his symptoms changed suddenly and were alarming. I am terribly -worried and nervous. I love my husband, and I've felt often that I -haven't been a good wife to him, but he would not let me.” - -Her eyes had filled with tears. - -“Your unhappiness will end this night. Come with me to Whitfield's room. -He has something to tell you. He asked me to meet you here.” - -“How strange!” said Mrs. Norris, as she rose with a frightened look. - -I led the way, and we proceeded in silence to the room where Norris lay. -His mother sat beside him on the bed. - -“Mary and Gwendolyn, come here,” he said. - -He took a hand of each in his as they stood by his bedside. - -“Potter, I want you to stay with us and hear what I have to say,” he -called to me. - -A little moment of silence followed in which his spirit seemed to be -breaking its fetters. - -“Mary, I have sinned against you,” he said. “It was your right to know -long since what I have now to tell you. But I was a coward. I loved you -and feared to lose your love, and so I kept you from knowing the truth -about me. Then came Gwendolyn, and the lovelier she grew the more -cowardly I became. I hadn't the heart to tell either of you what I now -must tell, that I went to prison long ago for a crime. It was not a very -bad crime, but bad enough to disgrace you.” - -In a flash the thought came to me that he was not going to tell the -whole' truth; he would protect his father's good name. - -Mrs. Norris put her arm about her husband's neck and kissed him -tenderly. “My love,” said she, “I knew all that years ago, but for fear -of hurting you I've never spoken of it. Long, long ago I knew all about -your trouble.” - -His mother rose from the bed where she had been calmly sitting with -bowed head and tearful eyes. - -“Not all,” said she. “You do not know that he took my husband's sin upon -him, and that all these years he has been suffering in silence for the -sake of another. I am sure there is no greater saint in heaven than this -man.” - -“Oh, Whitfield! Why didn't you let me help you?” said his wife, as she -sank to her knees beside him. - -The scene had suddenly become too sacred for any words of mine. - -Not one of us spoke for a while, but there was something above all words -in the silence. It was feebly expressed at length in these of Norris, -and I like to recall them when I begin to feel a bit cynical: - -“I'm no saint. I'm just an average American businessman--very human, -very foolish! But there are many who would do more than I have done for -the love of a friend. My father was such a man.” - -Gwendolyn came and kissed me when I bade them good night, and I drew her -aside and said to her: - -“With such men in America why are we looking for counts in Italy?” - -She made no answer, but I understood the little squeeze of gratitude -which my hand felt. - - - - -XIII.--IN WHICH I FIGHT A DUEL WITH ONE OF THE OLDEST WEAPONS IN THE -WORLD - - NEXT morning a note came to Betsey from Mrs. Norris saying that she and -Gwendolyn had decided to spend the whole day at home with their patient, -and would, therefore, be unable to ride out as they had planned to do. -She inclosed another letter of dog-like servility from the slim count -and asked me to see what I could do to suppress him. In this letter he -referred to me as a vulgar fellow who had disregarded his challenge. -This she did not understand, and rightly thought that I would know what -he meant. - -So I was reminded that the pitchforks and the time to use them had -arrived. I informed De Langueville of the fact. He invited me to call -at his studio at noon, and added that he hoped it would be convenient -to bring the forks with me. I sent Betsey out shopping and 'phoned for -Richard, and when he came to my room I met him with one of those weapons -in my hands. - -“I am ready for the stern arbitrament of the pitchfork,” I said. “Will -you come with me?” - -“Certainly,” said he. - -“Come on,” I said, as I started with one of the forks in my hands. “I'm -going to get through with my haying to-day if possible.” - -“Hadn't we better send the forks by messenger?” said Richard. - -“No, I'd rather carry them myself,” I answered. “I don't want them to be -delayed or lost in transit.” - -“They are not so elegant as swords or guns,” he said, as he took one of -the forks. - -“They are more reputable,” I assured him. - -We made our way into the crowded street and soon entered a drug shop to -buy some first-aid materials, and deposited our forks in a corner near -a small boy who sat on a stool devouring primes. He soon discovered a -better use for his prunes and amused himself by-impaling them on the -fork tines. When we were ready to go we gathered the fruit and gave it -back to the boy. - -I never had so much fun with a pitchfork in all my life. In fact, I -can think of no more promising field for the pitchfork than the city -of Rome. It is an exciting tool, and as an inspirer of reminiscence the -fork is even mightier than the sword or the pen. Mine rose above me -like a lightning-rod, and currents of thought began to play around the -burnished tines. I never dreamed that there were so many ex-farmers of -our own land in Italy. A number of them stopped us to indulge in stories -of the hay-field. We might have learned of many a busy and exciting day -on “the old farm,” but time pressed and we sprang into a cab and soon -entered the studio of the sculptor with the forks in our hands. - -“Here we are,” I said, as De Langueville opened the door. - -To my painful surprise, the young count was there. He was looking at -a sword when we caught sight of him. He sheathed and laid it down on a -table and joined the sculptor, who had begun to examine the forks. The -end of each tine excited their interest. De Langueville felt them, and -then there was a little dialogue in Italian between him and his friend -which was not wholly lost upon me. - -“They use it to fight Indians,” said the sculptor. - -“They are poisoned,” said the count, as his eye detected some stains on -the steel which had been made by the prime-juice. - -“I think so,” the other answered, and then, addressing me in English, he -asked: - -“Will you kindly name the day and hour?” - -“Here and now,” was my answer. - -Another dialogue in Italian followed, and then De Langueville said to -me: - -“It is impossible. The count requests for more time.” - -“I have no more time to waste on this little matter,” I said. “If he -wishes to call it off--” But he didn't--no such luck for me! I had -talked too much. The count had taken exception to the words “call it -off.” They must have sounded highly insulting, for he flew mad, as they -say in Connecticut, and stepped forward with a fine flourish and seized -one of the forks. “Call it off” was apparently the one thing which the -count could not stand, and I had meant to be careful. His rich Italian -blood mounted to his face. I began to like him better. - -“I will fight you here and at present if my friend the baron will give -to us the permission,” he declared. - -“One moment,” said the baron, as he hurried away. - -We sat in silence for five minutes or so when he returned with a -surgeon. - -I could not run now, and there were no trees to climb, although there -was an heroic figure of the New Italy with a kind of staging that rose -to her chin. There was also a long alley that was lined with busts and -statues. - -“It looks as if we are in for it,” Forbes whispered. - -“I'm ready,” I assured him. “A man who talks as much as I do ought to be -willing to fight, especially when there's no chance to run. I enjoy life -and safety as much as any one, but you can carry it too far.” - -Forbes turned away and conferred with the sculptor, and placed us about -fifteen feet apart. - -“I will count three, and at the last number you will approach together -and fight,” said De Langueville. - -The young count had no lack of courage, for I have since learned that -he regarded me as a kind of human cobra with poisoned fangs more than a -foot long. He was rather pale when we stood face to face. - -I am a man a little past fifty, and not so quick as when I was a boy, no -doubt, but I have always kept myself in good shape--tramped and chopped -wood and hoed beans enough to feed Boston for a month of Saturdays; so I -think that I am as strong as ever. I had no sanguinary designs upon the -count; I chiefly harbored preservative designs upon myself. I had got -into this trouble in a good cause, and my white feathers were carefully -dyed. Of course I couldn't acknowledge that a count was better than a -mister. - -So I faced the blue-blooded warrior as if he were a cock in a field -of good timothy, with rain-clouds in the sky. We stood with our forks -raised, and the six tines rang upon one another as soon as the word was -given. He was overwrought by his fear of poison, I suppose, and had not -the power of arm and shoulder that I had. We shoved and twisted, and -then he broke away and came on with little stabs at the air. Suddenly -I caught his tines in mine and wrenched the fork from his hands. Forbes -has said that I looked savage, and I believe him, for I was getting hot. - -[Illustration: 0193] - -“First blood!” I shouted, as I rushed toward him, intending to pick up -his fork and put it back in his hands. But he did not stop to learn my -intentions. “First blood!” meant murder to him. I had taken but a step -in his direction when he was in full flight. I didn't blame him a bit. I -would have fled; any one would have fled. That yell and the prune-juice -did it. - -“Hold on!” I shouted, with a fork in each hand, as I chased him a -hundred feet or more down a long aisle lined with the busts of grocers, -butchers, brokers, and lumber kings. The words “Hold on!” must have -sounded nasty, for he put on more steam. I did not mean to hurt him; I -only wished to take his hand and congratulate him on his speed. But I -couldn't go fast enough. Before I was half down the aisle he had got -to the end of it and jumped over the high shelf between the marble -presentments of the missing actress and the Michigan lumber dealer. I -knew better than to laugh--it was ill-bred--but I could not help it. Now -I could hear the feet of the count hurrying toward me. I ought to have -kept still. - -“We cannot fight with such weapons,” said the baron; “it is barbarous.” - -“If you will fight me with the sword I shall prove to you my grand -courage,” said the young count, as he emerged, panting, from behind a -group of statues. - -“I need no further proof of your courage,” I said, gently. “You act -brave enough to suit me.” - -“Try me with the sword,” he urged. “You are one coward; you are one -coward. You have attacka me when the weapon was not in my hand.” - -Richard came forward coolly and put his hand on the count's arm. - -“You are wrong, and you ought to apologize,” he said, firmly. - -The count turned upon him with a polite bow, and said: - -“Perhaps you will give me the satisfaction.” - -“If you like, I'll take it up for him,” said Forbes, with admirable -coolness. “He is older than you, and not accustomed to the sword.” - -“Look here--I won't let you fight for me,” I said. “These fellows are -used to the sword and pistol. They have nothing else to do and are -looking for a sure thing. Fight him with your fists--if he's bound to -fight again.” - -“Him! That would be too sure a thing, I'm afraid,” said Richard. “I've -practised this game of fencing at college and the Fencers' Club. I'm not -afraid of the count.” - -I had observed that a number of swords had been lying on a table near -us. Before Richard's remark was finished the count had picked up one of -them and said to my friend: - -“Come--you are not fearful--like a lady. Give me one chance.” - -Before anything more could be done or said the young men were at it, -and, to my great relief, I saw that Forbes was able to take care of -himself. The count was a clever swordsman, but my friend was stronger -and just as quick. - -It is about the prettiest survival of feudal times, this bloody game of -the sword. - -I observed that the clock in the studio indicated the moment of 12.18 -when the contest began. It lasted for an hour or more, as I thought, -when it ended with blood-flowing from the sword-arm of the count at -12.21. The count was satisfied and breathing heavily. Forbes was fresh -and strong. - -“It is enough,” the slim count shouted, and the battle was over. - -“You play with the sword so skilful,” the latter panted, as De -Langueville and the surgeon began to dress his wound. - -“All you need is a pair of lungs,” said Forbes. “The pair you have may -do for sucking cigarettes, but not for fighting.” - -“And I politely request that you do not use them again in making love to -Miss Norris,” I said. “Hereafter I shall carry a fork with me, and any -man who follows us again will get it run into him. But now that you know -that they do not want to graft you on their family tree you will, of -course, annoy them no more. I expect you're a much better fellow than -you seem to be.” - -“And they will permission her to marry Raspagnetti?” he demanded. - -“Why not?” was my query. - -“Well, he has been married already and has amuse himself by dragging his -wife around his palace by the hairs of her head.” - -“It's a bad fashion,” I said; “it wears out the carpets.” - -He looked puzzled. - -“But it's an ancient diversion of the Romans,” I went on, remembering -that panel in one of the galleries which portrayed the extraction of -the whiskers of a captive who was tied hand and foot--one of the basest -amusements I can think of. - -As we talked the surgeon was at work on the arm of the young man. - -“Let's go and get a bite to eat,” Richard proposed, and we made our -escape. - -While we were eating he said: - -“Don't say anything of my part in this little scrap. I'm ashamed of it. -To draw blood from him is like taking candy from a child.” At the hotel -Richard found a cable that summoned him to New York. Late that afternoon -Gwendolyn and her mother and Betsey went with him to the station where -he took a train for the north. I bade the boy good-by and said as I did -so: - -“Leave the case in my hands again.” - -“It's hopeless!” said he. - -“Not exactly!” I answered. - -“She has turned me down.” - -“Turned you down?” - -“Yes, I had a talk with her last evening.” - -“You'll have to try it again some other evening,” I said. - -“She doesn't want to marry any one. That's about the way she puts -it--but more politely. I told her that if she didn't want to be proposed -to again she'd better avoid me. I expect to convince her that she's -wrong.” - -He left me, and I went to see Norris, who had sent word that he wished -to talk with me. - - - - -XIV.--MISS GWENDOLYN DEFINES HER POSITION - - I FOUND Norris looking better, and it's a sure thing that I was looking -worse. I felt weary--the natural reaction of all that deviltry! Exercise -with the pitchfork is all right under proper circumstances, but a man -near fifty years of age should use more care than I had done in the -choice of circumstances. - -“What's the matter?” was the query of Norris. - -“Been fightin',” I said, remembering how I had answered a similar -question of my father one day when I returned from school with a black -eye and my trousers torn. “They kep' pickin' on me.” - -Then I told him the story of my quarrel with the slim count and its -climax. But I said nothing of Forbes's part in the matter. We laughed so -loudly that the nurse entered in a panic to see what was the matter. - -“Nothing's the matter except good health,” I said. “We're both twenty -years younger than we were a short time ago, and if you know any remedy -for that go and throw it out of the window.” - -She retired from the scene, and we went on with our talk. - -“You're about the most versatile lawyer that I ever knew,” said he. -“Such devotion I did not deserve or expect. If there's any more fighting -to be done we'll hire a boy. For what you have done I say 'Thanks,' and -you know what I mean by that. Gosh t' Almighty! I'm going to get out of -bed, and we'll have some fun.” - -“I'm beginning to long for the old sod!” I remarked. - -“So'm I. Let's go south for a little while and then home. It looks as if -we should have to take a count with us as a souvenir.” - -“The Raspagnetti?” I asked. - -“The same,” said he. “Read that.” - -He drew from under his pillow a letter from the Count Raspagnetti, which -said: - -_I am sorry that you are sick, for I desire so much to talk with you and -tell you, I should say, how profoundly I am in love with your beautiful -and accomplished daughter. The esteemed Monsignor who bears this note, -and who is my friend and yours also, can tell you that I am worthy of -your confidence, although unworthy, so to speak, of such an adorable -creature as Miss Gwendolyn. But I feel in my heart that I cannot be -happy without her. I assure you that I would rather die than find it -impossible to make her my wife. So I hope that you will let me see you -soon, if your health should cherish the endurance, and permit me to -speak of such things to her._ - -I had scarcely finished reading it when Norris said: - -“The Monsignor, whom I had met in New York, and who is one of the most -courtly gentlemen you can imagine, came to see me this morning and -recommended the count without reserve as one of the first gentlemen of -Italy. I guess he's all right, and I agree with my wife that we will put -it up to Gwendolyn and let her do as she likes. If she must have a title -I presume she couldn't do better.” - -I was about to suggest that she would need a special allowance for -hair-restorer, but restrained myself. I thought that I wouldn't say -anything disagreeable unless it should be necessary and also susceptible -of proof. - -“What does Gwendolyn think of him?” I asked. - -“I haven't said a word to Gwendolyn about him--yet. I'll have a talk -with her tomorrow or perhaps to-night. When I awoke this morning about -two o'clock Gwendolyn and her mother were standing by the bed. The girl -has taken the notion that she must do the nursing herself. I haven't -been fair to them. I guess it's up to me to let them do the marrying. -Mrs. Norris seems to like this man, and if Gwendolyn wants him I -shall fall in line. I'm not going to be a Czar even in the interest of -democracy.” - -“It's the wisest possible course,” I agreed. - -“I wish that you'd post yourself about the sailings,” said he, as I left -him. - -I broke a Roman record that evening--went to bed at eight. In Rome the -day doesn't really begin until about that hour. At two o'clock people -are coming out of the cafés, and the blood of Italy is in full song. -Betsey complained that I yelled in my sleep, and I believed her. - -The voice of the nightingales awoke me just before daylight. What a -mellow-voiced chorus it is! A man has got to search his memory if he's -going to try to describe it. The softest tones of the flute are in that -song. It has an easy-flowing conversational lilt. It's a kind of -swift, tumbling brook of flute music. As the light grew a noisy band of -sparrows came on the scene. For a little while the soft phrases of -the nightingales were woven into the sparrows' chatter. They ceased -suddenly. I rose and dressed and went down into the little park outside -my windows just as the sun's light began to show in the sky. In a moment -I saw a young lady approaching in one of the garden paths. - -She waved to me and called, “Hello, Uncle Soc!” - -It was Gwendolyn. - -“Child! Why are you not in bed?” I asked. - -“I've worked at idleness so long and so hard that I'm taking a little -vacation,” said she. “I sat all night with father. He couldn't sleep, -and we talked and talked, and then I read to him and he fell asleep half -an hour ago, and I came down for a breath of the morning air.” - -“Don't get reckless with your holiday--all night is a rather long pull,” - I suggested. - -“I enjoyed every minute. You see, I've never had a chance to do anything -for him. My father has always been so busy, and I away in school or -traveling with my mother or Mrs. Mushtop. I was never quite so happy as -I am now.” - -“There's nothing so restful as honest toil,” I said. “The fact is you've -been overworking in the past--struggling with luncheons, teas, dinners, -dressmakers, and dances, and getting through at midnight. It's too much -for any human being. If you could only go to work in a laundry or a -kitchen or a sick-room, how restful and soothing it would be!” - -“I understand you now, Uncle Soc,” said she. “We must see that it pays. -Last night I was so well paid for my work! I discovered my father. The -night passed like magic and filled me with happiness. To-day life is -worth living. He told me of his boyhood, and I told him of my girlhood -and that I wanted to make it different. - -“'You must let me do the nursing,' I said. “'Why?' he asked. - -“'Because I love you,' I told him, and what do you think he said?” - -“My thinker got overheated and blew up the other day, and is undergoing -repairs,” I answered. “So you'll have to tell me.” - -“I shall remember it so long as I live,” she went on, with tears in -her eyes, “for he said, 'I've found a daughter, and it's the best thing -that's happened to me since I found a wife.'” - -“My, what a night! You found the greatest luxury in the world, which is -work,” I said. “Don't go to dissipating like a child with a can of jelly -and make yourself sick of it. Go easy. Be temperate.” - -“Uncle Soc, you dear old thing!” she exclaimed. “I'm beginning to know -you better, too. I want you to tell me something. Father said that we -should be going home soon. Now, _what_ can I take to Richard? It must be -something very, very nice--something that he will be sure to like.” - -“Why take anything to Richard?” I asked. “I refuse to tell you why,” - she answered. “But please remember that I have not the slightest hope of -every marrying Richard.” - -“You have lost your heart in Italy,” I said. “But I was kind o' hoping -that you'd recover it.” - -“I know that you and father have been worried about that, but you didn't -know me so well as you thought. I had heard much about these Italians, -and they are handsome men, and the Count Raspagnetti is a very grand -gentleman. I have been impressed, for I am as human as other girls, but -I cannot marry the count, and if he asks me I shall tell him so; and -I can do it with a clear conscience, for _I_ have given him no -encouragement.” - -I made no answer, being unhorsed by this unexpected turn. - -“I do not propose to marry any one, and if you will think for a moment -you will know why.” - -In a flash her meaning came to me. She'd have to tell her father's -secret to the man she married, and that she would never do. Again that -old skeleton in the family closet was grinning at us. - -“Gwendolyn, my thinker has been worn out by overwork here in Italy or it -would not have been asleep at its post,” I said. “I take off my hat to -you and keep it off as long as you're near me. Jiminy Christmas! I like -the stuff you're made of, but look here--the case isn't hopeless. I'll -show you a way out of this trouble some day. Come on, let's go in and -have some breakfast. I'm hungry as a bear.” - -“No, thanks! I must go back to my patient,” said the girl. “I never eat -any breakfast.” - -“The breakfast habit is purely American. You'll acquire it by and by,” - I assured her. “Wait until you get a settled liking for long days and -short nights.” - -She left me, and I thought that I would take a little walk under the -trees before going in. I had not gone a dozen paces when Muggs came -along. He was looking pale and thin and rather untidy. - -“I knew that you were an early riser,” said he. “I came to find you if I -could.” - -He must have seen a look of anger in my face, for he went on: - -“Don't be hard on me. I've come to bring you that two hundred dollars, -with fifty added for the hat and coat.” - -He gave me a check, and it nearly knocked me down with astonishment. -“What cunning ruse is this?” I asked myself, and said: “You're not -looking well.” - -“I can't eat or sleep,” he continued. “I've been walking the streets -since midnight. There's something I wanted to say, but I'm not up to it -now. I'll try to see you again within a day or two.” - -He bade me good morning and went on, and I was puzzled by the serious -look in his face. - - - - -XV.---SOMETHING HAPPENS TO THE MAN MUGGS - - SOME people are so careless with their affections that they even forget -where they laid 'em the day before, and often go about sputtering like -an old gentleman who has lost his spectacles. My grandfather was once so -mad at a table on which he had found them lying, unexpectedly, that -he seized a poker and put a dent in it. He was like many modern -lovers--divorced and otherwise. They should remember that misplaced -affection has made more trouble than anything else. - -Mrs. Mullet had been a bit careless with her affections, and especially -in taking Mr. Pike's recommendation of Colonel Wilton. What could have -been the motive of Mr. Pike? - -Mrs. Mullet called to see us next morning. - -“Something very strange has happened,” said she. - -“If you were to tell me something that wasn't strange I wouldn't believe -it,” I answered. “Go ahead; you can't astonish me.” - -“Please read this letter,” she requested, as she drew a sheet of paper -from an envelope and put it into my hands and added, “It's from Colonel -Wilton.” - -“From Wilton!” I exclaimed, and began reading aloud the singular human -document. His emotion conferred rank upon her, for he had addressed Mrs. -Mullet in this baronial fashion: - -_My dear Lady Maude,--I have completed the payments due to date on the -bust and the oil-painting, because I have decided that if I cannot have -you I must have them. I want to live with them, for I believe they will -help me. I tell you the God's truth, I have been a bad man, but I want -to be better and make good to every one I have wronged. I can't do it -for a little while yet, but I'm going to as sure as there's a God in -heaven. I was a fool to write that letter, but I was discouraged. You -are the only woman I ever loved. I take back all that I wrote in that -letter. I won't put any price on you. I can't. You are better than all -the money in the world. I don't blame you a bit for not having anything -more to do with me. You don't know what I have suffered; you can't know, -but I know. I shall never give you a moment's trouble. Don't be afraid -to meet me in the street. I may look at you, but I shall not speak to -you. Don't hate me; but, if you can, ask Jesus Christ to forgive me -and help me to live honest. I don't believe that He wants me to suffer -always like this. Don't hate me, because I love you, and please remember -me as Lysander Wilton._ - -Its script was curious. Every word was written with extreme care, and -some were embellished with little flourishes. I remembered how slowly -and carefully he had formed the letters in that signature in my office. - -There were tears in the eyes of Mrs. Mullet when I folded the letter and -looked into her face. - -“What do you think of it?” she asked. - -“Sounds as if he meant it, but he's an able sounder,” I answered. - -“He had a good case and has given up all claim upon her,” said Betsey, -in the tone of gentle protest. - -“Oh, well! he wouldn't dare to bring a suit here or in America,” I -objected. “She might get the hatchet, but he would get the ax.” - -“How would you explain his payments on the bust and the portrait?” - Betsey asked. - -Sure enough, why was he buying the bust and the painting, and how had he -got the money to do it? - -“It looks as if he had gone out of his mind,” said Betsey. - -“Nobody could blame him for going out of his mind,” was my answer. “If I -had his mind I'd go out of it.” - -“Perhaps she has driven him into a new and a better mind,” said Betsey. - -“That's possible. There's plenty of room outside his old mental horizon. -If it's honest love I should think he would die of astonishment to find -such goods on himself.” - -“Well, you see, he was not very well, and I was a kind of mother to him -here,” Mrs. Mullet answered, as she wiped her eyes. “He was kind and -thoughtful and so very handsome. I was really fond of him.” - -Mrs. Mullet yielded again to her emotions. She was not a bad sort of a -woman, after all. - -True, she was still afflicted with a light attack of the beauty disease. -But she had a heart in her. She was, too, “a well-fashioned, enticing -creature,” as Samuel Pepys would have said. I didn't blame Muggs for -leaping in love with her. It was as natural as for a boy to leap into a -swimming-hole. - -“What shall I do?” she asked, presently. - -“Study art as hard as you can,” I said. “Botticelli may help you to -forget Muggs. But don't fail to tell me what happens. I've got to know -how Muggs gets along with his new affliction.” - -She agreed to keep me posted, and left us. - -A note came from Mrs. Fraley that afternoon. She wished to see me on a -matter of business, and wouldn't we go and drink tea with them at five? -They were spending the day in the Capitoline Museum, where Muriel was at -work. - -We couldn't drink tea with them, and so Betsey proposed that we walk to -the museum and see what they wanted. We did it. - -Miss Muriel was copying a figure of Socrates on the fragment of a -frieze. The beauty disease had visibly progressed in her--hair a shade -richer, eyes more strongly underscored. Old Socrates was so different, -sitting in conversation and leaning forward on his staff. One bare -foot rested comfortably on the other. They were a good-sized pair of -industrious and reliable feet. He seemed to be addressing his argument -to the young lady who sat before him. The expression of the big toe on -his right foot indicated that it was not wholly unmoved by his words. - -Mrs. Fraley beckoned me aside and whispered: - -“The dear child is making wonderful progress. She is copying that for -one of the New York magazines. Muriel has made a great social success in -Rome. Mrs. Wartz has taken her up, and her name is in the Paris _Herald_ -almost every day.” - -In a moment she made an illuminating proposal: - -“I want to borrow fifty thousand dollars on good security--the bonds of -the Great Bend & Lake Michigan Traction Company,” she said. “I would pay -you a liberal fee if you would help me.” - -“It's a bad time to borrow money,” I answered. “Is it a bust or a -painting?” - -“Neither; it's Miss Muriel's marriage portion. The count has proposed, -and I find that he is one of the dearest, noblest young men that ever -lived.” - -There was no help for these people. An appeal to their minds was like -shooting into the sky or writing in water. You couldn't land on them. - -“Oh, then it's a husband!” I exclaimed. - -“Yes, and we want to take him home with us.” - -“He requires cash down?” - -“I believe it is usual.” - -“Are you sure that Muriel could manage him? He's pretty coltish and has -never been halter-broke. He might rare up an' pull away an' run off with -the money.” - -“He loves her to distraction, he worships and adores her, and she is -very, very fond of him.” - -“You are far from your friends here,” I said. “Suppose you ask the count -to call on me and talk it over. It may be that I could arrange easy -terms. Possibly we could even get him on the instalment plan, with a -small payment down.” - -“I would not dare suggest it,” said Mrs. Fraley. - -“Cable to your banker, and if the bonds are good he ought to be able to -get the money for you.” - -“I thought of that, but to save time I hoped that you would be willing -to let me have it.” - -“I wouldn't assist you to commit a folly which you are sure to regret,” - I answered. “In my opinion he would be dear at ten dollars. It looks to -me like taking over a liability instead of an asset.” - -“We didn't ask for your opinion,” said Miss Muriel, as she blushed with -indignation. - -“My opinions are as easy to get as counts in Italy,” I said. “You -don't have to ask for them. I give you one thing more--my best wishes. -Good-by!” - -With that we left them. Things began to move fast. Norris came down to -dinner, and we all sat together in the dining-room with the new count. -It was the last despairing effort of mama to grasp the persimmon. -She had boosted her daughter within easy reach of said persimmon, but -Gwendolyn refused to pull it down. Her attitude was polite but firm. - -“It doesn't look good to me,” she seemed to be saying. - -The count told thrilling tales of royal friends and palaces, and they -all rang like good metal, for this count was a real aristocrat. Still, -“No, thanks” was in the voice and manner of Gwendolyn. He twanged airy -compliments on his little guitar. - -“No, thanks!” - -Gwendolyn gave me a sly wink and suggested that I should tell a story. -I saw what was expected of me and got the floor and kept it. Finally -the count played his best trump. They would be invited to a fête in the -palace of a certain noted prince. - -“No, thanks!” said Gwendolyn, before her mother could answer. “It is -very kind of you, but we shall be so busy getting ready to sail.” - -The count took his medicine like a thoroughbred. - -“And you--you must not be astonished to see me in America before much -time, I should say,” he answered. - -“What a joy to welcome you there!” Mrs. Norris exclaimed. - -Then followed a little duet in Fifth Avenue and Roman dialect with -monocle and minuet accompaniment by the great artists Norris and -Raspagnetti based on these allegations: - -_First: She was so glad to have had the great pleasure of meeting him._ - -_Second: He was so glad to have had the honor of meeting her and her -daughter._ - -_Third: She was so sorry to say good-by._ - -_Fourth: She was a dear lady, and could never know how much pain it -“afflicted upon him” to say good-by; but fortunately she was not leaving -him hopeless._ - -The climax had passed. - -Gwendolyn got her hand kissed, and so did her mother--there was no -dodging that--but it was our last experience with the hand-smackers of -Italy. - -We had a happy American evening together in the Norris apartments, and -Mrs. Norris seemed to enjoy my imitation of her parting with the count. -The first occurrence of note in the morning was Mrs. Mullet. She -was getting to be a perennial, but she grew a foot that day in our -estimation. She had brought with her a note from Muggs. He was very ill -in his room and begged her to come and see him as a last favor. What -should she do? - -“Let's go and see him--you and I and Mrs. Potter,” was my suggestion. -“This has all the ear-marks of a case of true love. My professional -advice has never been sought in a case of that kind; but come on, let's -see what there is to it.” - -We went and found Muggs abed, with a high fever. No more nonsense now! -I've got to be decently serious for a few minutes. We were amazed to see -how the sight of Mrs. Mullet affected him, and how tenderly he clung to -her hands, and begged her to forget the man he had been. She turned to -me with wet eyes and said: - -“I cannot leave him like this. I shall send for a nurse and doctor, and -take care of him. He has no friends here.” - -“Bully for you!” I said. “If he's out of money I'll help you pay the -bills.” - -We went away a little mystified by this behavior on the part of Muggs. - -We were leaving next day for the south, and Mrs. Mullet came to say -good-by to us. “How is your patient?” I asked. - -“He was delirious all night, and dictated letters to me as if I had been -his stenographer. I took them down with a pencil. I have brought two of -them for you to read. I do not understand them; perhaps you will know -what they mean.” - -The first was addressed to a man in Mexico, and it said: - -_Dear Mack,--At last my ship has come in, and I am doing what I have -longed to do for many years, and what I have dreamed of doing a thousand -times. I inclose a check for all that I owe you, with interest. Forgive -me. Please forgive me. I didn't know what I was doing. I expected to -return it within a week, but I lost it all. I want you to tell every one -that knows me that I am an honest man._ - -The second letter was to the Honorable Whitfield Norris, and it said: - -_Dear Sir,--At last I am able to do what I have wanted to do for years. -I inclose a check for all the money you have given me, with interest to -date. Please send me a receipt for the same. I always intended to make -good and live honest, and I want you to think well of me, for I think -that you are the greatest man I ever met._ - -All this puzzled me at first, and I went at once with Mrs. Mullet to -Muggs's room. The sick man's fever had abated, and his head was clear. - -“You have been dictating a letter to Norris,” I said. - -“What letter?” he asked. - -“Didn't you dictate a letter to Norris last night?” - -“No,” he answered, sadly. - -“Have you any money?” I asked. - -“I have made a little money out of an old investment in a copper-mine,” - he answered, in a faint voice. “It has begun to pay, and they have sent -me eighteen hundred dollars. There's eleven hundred left. It's in the -Banca d'Italia. In my book you'll find a check for that two hundred -dollars. It's on the bureau there.” - -“You gave me that,” I said. - -“Did I?” he whispered, and was sound asleep in a few seconds. - -I returned to Mrs. Mullet, full of sober thought. - -“Those letters are the voice of his soul,” I said. “It really wants to -pay up and be honest.” - -She saw my meaning and wept, and said, as soon as she could speak: - -“Perhaps, in the sight of God, he has already paid his debts.” - -“An honorable delirium isn't quite enough,” I said, “but it does show -that his soul is acquiring good habits.” - -“I'm so happy that you think so,” she answered. - -“Yes, I'd rather have him now with all his past than any count I have -seen in Italy. There are all kinds of pasts, but Muggs is ashamed of -his--that's something! Of course it isn't safe to jump at conclusions, -but it looks as if the love of a decent woman had done a good deal for -him.” - -I left her with a happy smile on her face, and way down in me I could -hear my soul laughing at the wise old country lawyer who had got Muggs -so securely placed in his rogue's gallery. He had been reading law in a -better book than any on his shelves. I had once smiled when I had read -in one of Mr. Chesterton's essays that “Christianity looks for the -honest man inside the thief.” I said to myself that I had never seen the -honest man aforementioned. But here he was at last. I described him to -Betsey. - -“The love of that woman has done it,” said she. - -“The love of a good woman is a big thing,” I answered, as I put my arm -around her. “Kind o' like the finger o' Jesus touching the eyes o' the -blind--that's the way it looks to me.” - -Next day we drove to Naples. Good-by, Rome, city of lovely shapes and -jeweled walls and golden ceilings, graveyard of races and empires, -paradise of saints and industrious marryers! How's that for a -valedictory? Well, you see, I bought a guitar, and it's time I began to -practise. - -Naples is different. It's a kind of theater. There the very poor play -the part of the starving mendicant as soon as they are able to walk; the -cheap tradesman plays the self-sacrificing saint; the fairly well-to-do -man plays the part of a millionaire with his trap and horses on the Via -Roma, and every driver plays the tyrant. The song of the lash, which had -its part in the ancient music of Persia, fills the air of the old city. - -It worried us, and we went to Sicily and spent a month at Taormina--a -place of which I do not dare to speak for fear of dropping into poetry, -and when I drop into poetry I make a good deal of a splash, as you may -have observed, and it takes me a week to get dry. Norris fell in love -with it, and so did the ladies. I wondered how I was going to get them -to move, but not for long. - -Gwendolyn and I, sitting alone in the old Greek theater one lovely -afternoon, had the talk for which I had been watching my chance. - -We sat looking out between the time-worn columns at Ætna and the sea. - -“I'm tired of ancient history!” said she, closing her guide-book. - -“Let's try modern history,” I suggested. “If you will let me be -your Baedeker for a minute I should like to point out to you a noble -structure in America which is 'clothed in majestic simplicity.'” - -“What is it?” she asked, eagerly. - -“The character of Richard Forbes,” I answered. “There's one fact in his -history of supreme importance to you and me.” - -“Only one!” she exclaimed. - -“At least one,” I answered. “It is this: for years he has known every -unpleasant fact in the story of your father's life.” - -“Uncle Soc,” she interrupted, with a look of joy in her face, “is it--is -it really true, or are you just saying it to please me?” - -“It's really true,” I said. “When I can't help it I tell the truth. I'm -never reckless or immoderate in the use of it, for there's no sense in -giving it out in chunks so big that they excite suspicion. I'm kind o' -careful with the truth when I tell ye that Richard Forbes is better than -all the statues and paintings and domes and golden ceilings in Italy.” - -“Uncle Soc, do you think that you could get rooms for us on the next -steamer,” she asked. - -“Oh, what's your hurry?” I demanded. - -She rose and said, with a proud, imperious gesture: - -“Me for the United States!” - -“I've already engaged the rooms, for I knew what would happen after we -had had our talk,” I said. - -We were waiting to take our steamer in Naples. The day after we reached -there Mrs. Fraley called to see us. She had read in a Roman newspaper -that we were at Bertolini's, and she had come over to talk with me -“about a dreadful occurrence.” She had raised the spondoolix, and Miss -Muriel had achieved the count. They had lived in paradise for three -weeks and four days when the count got mad at Muriel and actually beat -her over the shoulders with his riding-whip. It was all because the -dear child had turkey-trotted with a young Englishman at a ball. She -had meant no harm--poor thing!--all the girls were learning these -new-fangled dances. Mrs. Fraley had naturally objected to the count's -use of the whip, whereupon he had shown her the door and bade her leave -his apartments. So she with the beautiful feet had been compelled to -walk out of the place which her bounty had provided and go back to the -dear old boarding-house. Muriel had followed her. They knew not what to -do. Would I please advise her? - -“You've done the right thing,” I said. “Keep away from him. He'll be -using his cane next. The whip is a good thing, but not if it comes too -late in life.” - -“But how about my money?” she asked. “I can't afford to lose that.” - -“My dear madame, you have already lost it. You may as well charge that -to the educational fund. To some people knowledge comes high. I had a -good reason for advising you against this marriage. In our land every -home is a little republic that plays its part in the larger republics of -the town and the county, and the affairs of each home and the welfare -of its inhabitants are the concern of all. Here every home is a little -independent kingdom. Its master is its king. His will is mostly its law. -When he gets mad his whip or his cane may fall upon the transgressor. -It's the old feudal spirit--the ancient habit of thought and hand. Of -course in most countries wife-beating is forbidden, but generally the -woman knows better than to complain, for she finds that it doesn't pay. -So she cringes and obeys and holds her tongue. In America that sort of -thing doesn't go. If a man tries it, the republic of the town gets hold -of him right away. Really, I'd about as soon have the rights of a goat -as the rights of a woman in Europe. In spite of that she's often well -treated.” - -I was interrupted by the porter's clerk, who came with a telegram. It -was from Muriel, and it said: - -_Please tell my aunt to return immediately._ - -_We have made up, and are very, very happy, and we shall both be -delighted to see her._ - -I read it aloud, and she rose and said: - -“I'm so glad. Please pardon me for troubling you again.” - -I pardoned her, and she went away, and so another American girl had -begun to toughen her skin and adjust her spirit to the feudal plan. - -The day we sailed a curious thing came to pass in a letter to Norris -from Muggs in the handwriting of Mrs. Mullet. It said: - -_I hope you will be glad to learn that good luck has come to me. I thank -God that I am able to return the last sum of money you gave me, -with interest to date. My check for it is inclosed herewith. An old -investment of mine, long supposed to be worthless, has turned out well. -I have sold a part of my stock in it, and with the rest I hope to square -accounts with you before long. My health is better, and within a week or -so I expect to be married to the noblest woman in the world._ - -The man's dream had come to pass. His check was in the letter, and there -was good money behind it. - -“I congratulate you,” I said to Norris when he showed me the letter. -“You've really found an honest man inside a thief.” - -“Without your help it would have been impossible,” said he. “It's worth -ten years of any man's life to have done it. I suppose there's an honest -man inside every thief if we could only get at him.” - -“And no man is as bad as he seems, and, therefore, if you ever feel like -shooting me--don't,” was my answer. - -“What luck that she didn't get hold of a count!” Betsey exclaimed. “She -was one of the most willing marryers that ever crossed the sea.” - -“But she didn't know how to advertise,” I said. “Nobody knew that she -had money. One personal in the London _Mail_ or the Paris _Herald_ would -have crowded the Excelsior Hotel with impoverished noblemen.” - -“And yet I would have supposed that the worst of them would have been -better than Muggs.” - -“Not I,” was my answer. “Both Muggs and the counts have been mere -adventurers--trying to get something for nothing. Muggs knew that he was -doing wrong. His offense was so bad that he couldn't doubt its badness. -But the consciences of the counts never get any exercise. They don't -know that idleness is a crime, that a bought husband is baser than a -poodle-dog. They are absolutely convinced of their own respectability. -For that reason the average thief has a far better chance of being faced -about.” - -We sailed. Mrs. Sampf, with a chestful of knockers, and the lumber king, -with his bust and portrait, were among our shipmates. The latter had had -a stroke of hard luck. Two gamblers at his hotel had won his confidence -and taken a hank of his fleece at bridge whist. He had made up his mind -that American playmates were more to his liking, that Grant was greater -than Alexander, and that universal peace was a dream. This he confided -to me one evening as we were lying off Gibraltar in the glare of the -searchlights. - -Brooms of light were sweeping the waters for fear some sneaking nation -would steal in upon them like a thief in the night. - -“These Europeans know better than to trust one another,” said I. -“Billions for ships an' forts an' armies, an' every dollar of it -testifies to the fact that not one of these powers can trust another. -'Yes, you're a good talker,' they seem to say, 'but I know you of old. -I'll eat with ye, and drink with ye, and buy with ye, and sell with ye, -but dinged if I'll trust ye!”' - -“They're a lot of scamps over here,” was the conclusion of Mr. Pike. - -“And especially unreliable in bridge whist,” I said. - -“But I've made money on the trip,” said the lumber king. “I bought some -shares in a copper-mine for fifteen thousand dollars, and they're worth -at least ten times that. I happened to know the mine, and he needed the -money.” - -“If I were you I'd have the details of that transaction engraved on my -bust and set it up in my bedroom,” I said, with a laugh. - -“Why so?” - -“It would give you a chance to get acquainted with yourself.” - -“Oh, I was honest with him!” said he. “I told him I'd give him thirty -days to redeem the stock.” - -“Was it Wilton?” - -“Yes. Do you know him?” - -“I know him, and if the stock is as good as you say it will be -redeemed.” - -And it was, and I began to understand why Pike had been hand in glove -with Wilton. He had been trying to get hold of his property. - -We wept for joy at the sight of our native land--who doesn't?--and -Norris, who looked as strong as ever, said that he longed to get back to -his task. - -Richard met us at the dock, and the young people fell into each other's -arms. - -“Gwendolyn!” Mrs. Norris exclaimed. “Look here,” said I. “This pair of -marryers is not to be interfered with any more.” Muggs and his new wife -sailed on the _Titanic_, and he met his death on the stricken ship like -a gentleman; but the bride was saved, and came to see us in Pointview -and told us the story of that night. - -The ship was a part of the machinery of the great thought trust, which -has the world in its grip. The power behind her engines was thinking in -terms of dollars and cents--to be gained through the advertisement of a -swift voyage--and down she went in a thousand fathoms of icy water. - -I said to Norris when we were speaking of this tragedy as we sat by his -fireside: - -“The greatest of all commandments is this: 'Thou shalt have no other -Gods before me.'” - -“Neither money nor titles, nor pride nor fear, nor power, nor church nor -state,” he added. - -“Amen!” was my answer. - -Then there fell a long silence, and well down in the depths of it is the -end of my story. - -THE END - - - - - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Marryers, by Irving Bacheller - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MARRYERS *** - -***** This file should be named 50088-0.txt or 50088-0.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/0/0/8/50088/ - -Produced by David Widger from page images generously -provided by the Internet Archive - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - - - -Title: The Marryers - A History Gathered from a Brief of The Honorable Socrates Potter - -Author: Irving Bacheller - -Release Date: September 30, 2015 [EBook #50088] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MARRYERS *** - - - - -Produced by David Widger from page images generously -provided by the Internet Archive - - - - - - - - - -THE MARRYERS - -A History Gathered from a Brief of The Honorable Socrates Potter - -By Irving Bacheller - -Illustrated - -Harper and Brothers Publishers New York and London - -MCMXIV - - - -OFFICE OF SOCRATES POTTER - -Pointview, Conn. - -To the Honorable Judges of Decency and Good Behavior the World Over: - -My friend, the novelist, has prevailed upon me to write this brief in -behalf of my country and against certain feudal tendencies therein. I -have tried to tell the truth, but with that moderation which becomes a -lawyer of my age 'and experience. It is bad manners to give a guest more -wine than he can carry or more truth than he can believe. In these pages -there is enough wine, I hope, for the necessary illusion, and enough -truth, I know, for the satisfaction of my conscience. I hasten, to add -that there is not enough of wine or truth to stagger those who are not -accustomed to the use of-either. I warned the novelist that nothing -could be more unfortunate for me than that I should betray a talent for -fiction. He assures me that my reputation is not in danger. - - - - -THE MARRYERS - - - - -I.--IN WHICH MR. POTTER PRESENTS THE SINGULAR DILEMMA OF WHITFIELD -NORRIS, MULTIMILLIONAIRE - - I HAVE just returned from Italy--the land of love and song. To any who -may be looking forward to a career in love or song I recommend Italy. -Its art, scenery, and wine have been a great help to the song business, -while its pictures, statues, and soft air are well calculated to keep -the sexes from drifting apart and becoming hopelessly estranged. The -sexes will have their differences, of course, as they are having them in -England. I sometimes fear that they may decide to have nothing more to -do with each other, in which case Italy, with its alert and well-trained -corps of love-makers, might save the situation. - -Since Ovid and Horace, times have changed in the old peninsula. Love has -ceased to be an art and has become an industry to which the male members -of the titolati are assiduously devoted. With hereditary talent for the -business, they have made it pay. The coy processes in the immortal -tale of Masuccio of Salerno are no longer fashionable. The Juliets have -descended from the balcony; the Romeos climb the trellis no more. All -that machinery is now too antiquated and unbusinesslike. The Juliets are -mostly English and American girls who have come down the line from Saint -Moritz. The Romeos are still Italians, but the bobsled, the toboggan, -and the tango dance have supplanted the balcony and the trellis as being -swifter, less wordy, and more direct. - -There are other forms of love which thrive in Italy--the noblest which -the human breast may know--the love of art, for instance, and the love -of America. I came back with a deeper affection for Uncle Sam than I -ever had before. - -But this is only the cold vestibule--the "piaz" of my story. Come in, -dear reader. There's a cheerful blaze and a comfortable chair in the -chimney-corner. Make yourself at home, and now my story's begun exactly -where I began to live in it--inside the big country house of a client -of mine, an hour's ride from New York. His name wasn't Whitfield Norris, -and so we will call him that. His age was about fifty-five, his name -well known. If ever a man was born for friendship he was the man--a -kindly but strong face, genial blue eyes, and the love of good -fellowship. But he had few friends and no intimates beyond his family -circle. True, he had a gruff voice and a broken nose, and was not -much of a talker. Of Norris, the financier, many knew more or less; -of Norris, the man, he and his family seemed to enjoy a monopoly of -information. It was not quite a monopoly, however, as I discovered when -I began to observe the deep undercurrents of his life. Right away he -asked me to look at them. - -Norris had written that he wished to consult me, and was forbidden by -his doctor to go far from his country house, where he was trying to -rest. Years before he had put a detail of business in my hands, and I -had had some luck with it. - -His glowing wife and daughter met me at the railroad-station with a -glowing footman and a great, glowing limousine. The wife was a restored -masterpiece of the time of Andrew Johnson--by which I mean that she -was a very handsome woman, whose age varied from thirty to fifty-five, -according to the day and the condition of your eyesight. She trained -more or less in fashionable society, and even coughed with an English -accent. The daughter was a lovely blonde, blue-eyed girl of twenty. -She was tall and substantial--built for all weather and especially -well-roofed--a real human being, with sense enough to laugh at my jokes -and other serious details in her environment. - -We arrived at the big, plain, comfortable house just in time for -luncheon. Norris met me at the door. He looked pale and careworn, but -greeted me playfully, and I remarked that he seemed to be feeling his -oats. - -"Feeling my oats! Well, I should say so," he answered. "No man's oats -ever filled him with deeper feeling." - -Like so many American business men, his brain had all feet in the -trough, so to speak, and was getting more than its share of blood, while -the other vital organs in his system were probably only half fed. - -At the table I met Richard Forbes, a handsome, husky young man who -seemed to take a special interest in Miss Gwendolyn, the daughter. There -were also the aged mother of Norris, two maiden cousins of his--jolly -women between forty-five and fifty years of age--a college president, -and Mrs. Mushtop, a proud and talkative lady who explained to me that -she was one of the Mushtops of Maryland. Of course you have met those -interesting people. Ever since 1627 the Mushtops have been coming over -from England with the first Lord Baltimore, and now they are quite -numerous. While we ate, Norris said little, but seemed to enjoy the -jests and stories better than the food. - -He had a great liking for good tobacco, and after luncheon showed me the -room where he kept his cigars. There were thousands of them made from -the best crops of Cuba, in sizes to suit the taste. - -"Here are some from the crop of '93," he said, as he opened a box. "I -have green cigars, if you prefer them, but I never smoke a cigar unless -it crackles." - -I took a crackler, and with its delicious aroma under my nose we -went for a walk in the villa gardens. Some one had released a dozen -Airedales, of whom my host was extremely fond, and they followed at his -heels. I walked with the maiden cousins, one of whom said of Norris: -"We're very fond of him. Often we sing, 'What a friend we have in -Whitfield!' and it amuses him very much." - -And it suggested to me that they had good reason to sing it. - -Norris was extremely fond of beautiful things, and his knowledge of both -art and flowers was unusual. He showed us the conservatories and his -art-gallery filled with masterpieces, but very calmly and with no -flourish. - -"I've only a few landscapes here," he said, "things that do not seem to -quarrel with the hills and valleys." - -"Or the hay and whiskers and the restful spirit beneath them," I -suggested. - -I knew that he had bought in every market of the world, and had given -some of his best treasures to sundry museums of art in America, but they -were always credited to "a friend," and never to Whitfield Norris. - -On our return to the house he asked me to ride with him, and we got into -the big car and went out for a leisurely trip on the country roads. The -farmer-folk in field and dooryard waved their hands and stirred their -whiskers as we passed. - -"They're all my friends," he said. - -"Tenants and vassals!" I remarked. - -"You see, I've helped some of them in a small way, but always -impersonally," he answered, as if he had not heard me. "I have sought to -avoid drawing their attention to me in any way whatever." - -We drew up at a little house on a lonely road to ask our way. An Irish -woman came to the car door as we stopped, and said: - -"God bless ye, sor! It does me eyes good to look an' see ye -better--thanks to the good God! I haven't forgot yer kindness." - -"But I have," said Norris. - -The woman was on her mental knees before him as she stood looking into -his face. - -No doubt he had lifted her mortgage or favored her in some like manner. -Her greeting seemed to please him, and he gave her a kindly word, and -told his driver to go on. - -We passed the Mary Perkins's school and the Mary Perkins's hospital, -both named for his wife. I had heard much of these model charities, -but not from him. So many rich men talk of their good deeds, like the -lecturer in a side-show, but he held his peace. Everywhere I could not -help seeing that he was regarded as a kind of savior, and he seemed to -regret it. Was he a great actor or--? - -"It's a pity that I cannot enjoy my life like other men," he -interrupted, as this thought came to me. "None of my neighbors are -quite themselves when they talk to me; they think I must be praised and -flattered. They don't talk to me in a reliable fashion, as you do. You -have noticed that even my own family is given to songs of praise in my -presence." - -"Norris, I'm sorry for you," I said. "They say that you inherited a fair -amount of poverty--honest, hard-earned poverty. Why didn't you take -care of it? Why did you get reckless and squander it in commercial -dissipation? You should have kept enough to give your daughter a proper -start in life. I have taken care of mine." - -"It began in the thoughtless imprudence of youth," he went on, -playfully. "I used to think that money was an asset." - -"And you have discovered that money is only a jackasset." - -"That it is, in fact, a liability, and that every man you meet is -dunning you for a part of it." - -"Including the lawyers you meet," I said. "Oh, they're the worst of -all!" he laughed. "As distributors of the world's poverty they are -unrivaled." - -He smiled and shook his head with a look of amusement and injury as he -went on. - -"Almost every one who comes near me has a hatchet if not an ax to grind. -I am sick of being a little tin god. I seem to be standing in a high -place where I can see all the selfishness of the world about me. No, it -hasn't made me a cynic. I have some sympathy for the most transparent of -them; but generally I am rather gruff and ill-natured; often I lose my -temper. I have had enough of praise and flattery to understand how weary -of it the Almighty must be. He must see how cheap it is, and if He has -humor, as of course He has, having given so much of it to His children, -how He must laugh at some of the gross adulation that is offered Him! -But let us get to business. - -"I invited you here to engage your services in a most important matter; -it's so important that for many years I have given it my own attention. -But my health is failing, and I must get rid of this problem, which is, -in a way, like the riddle of the Sphinx. Some other fellow must tackle -it, and I've chosen you for the job. Mr. Potter, you are to be, if you -will, my trustiest friend as well as my attorney. For many years I have -been the victim of blackmailers, and have paid them a lot of money." - -"Poverty is a good thing, but not if it's achieved through the aid of a -blackmailer," I remarked. "Try some other scheme." - -"But you must know the facts," he went on. "At twenty-one I went -into business with my father out in Illinois. He got into financial -difficulties and committed a crime--forged a man's name to a note, -intending to pay it when it came due. Suddenly, in a panic, he went on -the rocks, and all his plans failed. He was up against it, as we -say. There were many extenuating circumstances--a generous man, an -extravagant family, of which I had been the most extravagant member; a -mind that lost its balance under a great strain. He had risked all on -a throw of the dice and lost. I'll never forget the hour in which he -confessed the truth to me. It's hard for a father to put on the crown of -shame in the presence of a child who honors him. There's no pang in this -world like that. He had braced himself for the trial, and what a trial -it must have been! I have suffered some since that day; but all of it -put together is nothing compared to that hour of his. In ten minutes I -saw him wither into old age as he burned in the fire of his own hell. -When he was done with his story I saw that he was virtually dead, -although he could still breathe and see and speak and walk. As I -listened a sense of personal responsibility and of great calmness and -strength came on me. - -"I took my father's arm and went home with him and begged him not to -worry. Then forthwith I went to police headquarters and took the crime -on myself. My father went to paradise the next day, and I to prison. I -was young and could stand it. They gave me a light sentence, on account -of my age--only two years, reduced to a year and a half for good -behavior. My Lord! It has been hard to tell you this. I've never told -any one but you; not even my own mother knows the truth, and I wouldn't -have her know it for all the world. I cleared out and went to work in -California, in the mines. Suffered poverty and hardship; won success by -and by; prospered, and slowly my little hell cooled down. But no man can -escape from his past. By and by it overtakes him, and in time it caught -me. A record is a record, and you can't wipe it out even with righteous -living. It may be forgiven--yes, but there it is and there it will -remain. - -"I didn't marry, as you may know, until I was thirty-four. My wife -was the daughter of a small merchant in an Oregon village. I had been -married about a year when the first pirate fired across my bows--a -man who had worked beside me at Joliet. I found him in my office one -morning. He didn't know how much money I had, and struck me gently, -softly, for a thousand dollars. It was to be a loan. I gave him the -money; I had to. Why? Well, you see, my wife didn't know that I was an -ex-convict, and I couldn't bear to have her know of it. I did not fear -her so much as her friends, some of whom were jealous of our success. -Why hadn't I told her before my marriage? you are thinking. Well, partly -because I honored my father and my mother, and partly because I had no -sense of guilt in me. Secretly I was rather proud of the thing I had -done. If I had been really guilty of a crime I should have had to tell -her; but, you see, my heart was clean--just as clean as she thought it. -I hadn't fooled her about that. There had been nothing coming to me. -Oh yes, I know that I ought to have told her. I'm only giving you the -arguments with which I convinced myself--with which even now I try to -convince myself--that it wasn't necessary. Anyhow, when I married it -never entered my head that there could be a human being so low that he -would try to fan back to life the dying embers of my trouble and use it -for a source of profit. It never occurred to me that any man would come -along and say: 'Here, give me money or I'll make it burn ye.' - -"I foolishly thought that my sacrifice was my own property, and was -beginning to forget it. Well, first to last, this man got forty thousand -dollars out of me. He was dying of consumption when he made his last -call, having spent the money in fast living. He wanted five thousand -dollars, and promised never to ask me for another cent. He kept his -word, and died within three months, but not until he had sold his pull -to another scoundrel. The new pirate was an advertising agent of the Far -West. He came to me with the whole story in manuscript, ready to -print. He said that he had bought it from two men who had brought the -manuscript to his office, and had paid five thousand dollars for it. He -was such a nice man!--willing to sell at cost and a small allowance -for time expended. I gave him all he asked, and since then I have been -buying that story every six months or so. When anything happens, like -the coming out of my daughter, this sleek-looking, plausible pirate -shows up again, and, you see, I can't kick him out of my presence, as -I should like to do. He always tells me that the mysterious two are -demanding more money, so, like a bull with a ring in his nose, I have -been pulled about for years by this little knave of a man. I couldn't -help it. Now my nerves cannot endure any more of this kind of thing. My -doctor tells me that I must be free from all worry; I propose to turn it -over to you." - -"Then I shall wipe him off the slate," I said. "They'll publish the -facts." - -"Poor man!" I exclaimed. "You've got one big asset, and you're afraid -to claim it. Nothing that you have ever done compares with that term in -prison. Your charities have been large, but, after all, their value is -doubtful except to you. The old law of evolution isn't greatly in need -of your money. But when you went to prison you really did something, -old man. The light of a deed like that shines around the world. Let it -shine--if it must. Don't hide it under a bushel." - -"But not for all I am worth would I have my father's name dishonored, -with my mother still alive," he declared. "Now, as to myself, I am not -so much worried. I could bear some disgrace, for it wouldn't alter the -facts. I should keep my self-respect, anyhow. But when I think of my -wife and children I admit that I am a coward. They're pretty proud, as -you know, and the worst of it is they are proud of me. Their pride is my -best asset. I couldn't bear to see it broken down. No, what I want is to -have you manage this blackmail fund and keep all comers contented. What -money you need for that purpose will be supplied to you." - -"In my opinion you're unjust to the ladies of your home," I remarked. - -"How?" - -"You should treat them like human beings and not like angels," I said. -"It's their right to share your troubles. They'd be all the better for -it." - -"Please do as I say," he answered. "You must remember that they're all -I've got." - -"Cheer up! I 'll do my best," was my assurance. "But I shall ask you to -let me manage the matter in my own way and with no interference." - -"I commit my happiness to your keeping," he answered. - -"I wonder that you have got off so cheaply," I said. "I should think -there might have been a dozen pirates in the chase instead of two." - -"Circumstances have favored me," he explained. "I spent my youth in -Germany, where I was educated. I had been in America only six months -when my father failed. In those days I was known as Jackson W. -Norris. In California I got into a row and had my nose broken. I was a -good-looking man before that. Then, you see, it has been a rule of my -life to keep my face from being photographed. Of course, the papers have -had snap-shots of me; but no one who knew me as a boy would recognize -this bent nose and wrinkled face of mine. I have discouraged all manner -of publicity relating to me and kept my history under cover as a thing -that concerned no one but myself." - -I had requested that our ride should end at the railroad-station, and we -arrived there in good time for my train. - -"I will ask Wilton, my pirate friend, to call on you," he said. - -"Let him call Friday at twelve with a note from you," I requested. - -Gwendolyn Norris and Richard Forbes were waiting at the station, the -latter being on his way to town. - -"Going back? You ought to know better," I said. - -"So I do, but business is business," he answered. - -"And there's no better business for any one than playing with a fair -maid." - -"He knows that there's a tennis match this afternoon and a dance this -evening, and he leaves me," the girl complained. - -"I shall have to take a week off and come up here and convince you that -no man is fonder of fun and a fair maid," said Forbes. - -"I could do it in ten minutes," I declared. - -"But you have had practice and experience," said Forbes. - -"And you are more supple," was my answer. - -"I should hope so," the girl laughed. "If all men were like Mr. Potter -the world would be full of old maids. It took him thirty years to make -up his mind to get married." - -"No, it took _her_ that long--not me," I answered, and the arrival of -the train saved me from further humiliation. - -On the way to town I got acquainted with young Forbes, and liked him. He -was a big, broad-shouldered athlete, two years out of college. The -glow of health and good nature was in his face. His blue eyes twinkled -merrily as we sparred for points. He had a full line of convictions, -but he didn't pretend to have gathered all the fruit on the tree of -knowledge. He was the typical best product of the modern wholesale man -factory--strong, modest, self-restrained, well educated, and thinking -largely in terms of profit and loss. That is to say, he was sawed and -planed and matched and seasoned like ten thousand other young men of -his age. His great need had been poverty and struggle and individual -experience. If he had had to climb and reach and fall and get up and -climb again to secure the persimmon which was now in his hands, he would -have had the persimmon and a very rare thing besides, and it's the rare -thing that counts. But here I am finding fault with a thoroughly good -fellow. It's only to clear his background for the reader, to whose good -graces I heartily recommend the young man. His father had left him well -off, but he had gone to work on a great business plan, and with rare -talent for his task, as it seemed to me. - - - - -II.--MY INTERVIEW WITH THE PIRATE - - IT had been a misty morning, with slush in the streets. For hours -the great fog-siren had been bellowing to the ships on the sound and -breaking into every conversation. "Go slow and keep away!" it screeched, -in a kind of mechanical hysterics. - -I was sitting at my desk when Norris's pirate came in. I didn't like -the look of him, for I saw at once that he was hard wood, and that he -wouldn't whittle. He was a sleek, handsome, well-dressed man of -middle age, with gray eyes, iron-gray hair and mustache, the latter -close-cropped. Here, then, was Wilton--a man of catlike neatness from -top to toe. He stepped softly like a cat. Then he began smoothing his -fur--neatly folded his coat and carefully laid it over the back of a -chair; blew a speck of dust from his hat, and tenderly flicked its brim -with his handkerchief and placed it with gentle precision on the top of -the coat. It's curious how the habit of taking care gets into the -character of a gentleman thief. He almost purred when he said "Good -morning." Then he seemed to smell the dog, and stopped and took in his -surroundings. His hands were small and bony; he felt his necktie, -adjusted his cuffs with an outward thrust of both arms, and sat down. -Without a word more he handed me the note from Norris, and I read it. - -"Yes," I said; "Mr. Norris has given me a brief history of your -affectionate regard for him." - -He tried to take my measure with a keen glance. I looked serious, and he -took me seriously. - -"You see," he began, in a low voice, "for years I have been trying to -protect him from unscrupulous men." - -He gently touched the end of one forefinger with the point of the other -as he spoke. His words were neatly said, and were like his clothing, -neatly pressed and dusted, and calculated to present a respectable -appearance. - -"Tell me all about it," I said. "Norris didn't go into details." - -"Understand," he went on, gently moving his head as if to shake it down -in his linen a little more comfortably, "I have never made a cent out of -this. I have only kept enough to cover my expenses." - -It was the old story long familiar to me. The gentleman knave generally -operates on a high moral plane. Sometimes he can even fool himself about -it. He had climbed on a saint's pedestal and was looking down on me. It -shows the respect they all have for honor. - -"There are two men besides myself who know the facts, and I have -succeeded so far in keeping them quiet," he added. - -"I don't know you, but you won't be offended if I assume that you're a -man of honor," I said. - -In the half-moment of silence that followed the old fog-siren screeched -a warning. - -There was a quick, nervous movement of the visitor's body that brought -his head a little nearer to me. The fur had begun to rise on the cat's -back. - -"There's nothing to prevent it," said he, with a look of surprise. - -"Save a possible element of professional pride," was my answer. - -"That vanishes in the presence of a lawyer," said he. - -It was a kind of swift and surprising cuff with the paw, after which I -knew him better. - -"But we're licensed, you know, and now, your reputation being -established, I suggest that you are in honor bound to let us know the -names of those men." - -"Excuse me! I'm above that kind of thing--way above it," said he, with a -smile of regret for my ignorance. - -"Perhaps you wouldn't be above explaining." - -"Not at all. If I told you that, I would be as bad as they are. Why, -sir, I would be the yellowest yellow dog in the country." - -"Frankness is not apt to have an effect so serious," I said. - -Again the points of his forefingers came together as he gently answered: - -"You see, the first demand they made of me, after putting the story in -my hands, was that I should never give out their names. I had to promise -that." - -"Oh, I see. They've elected you to the office of Guardian Angel and -Secretary of the Treasury. How did it happen?" - -The query didn't annoy him. He was getting used to my sallies, and went -on: - -"It was easy and natural as drawing your breath. Those men knew that I -had met Mr. Norris--that I was a man of his class, and could talk to him -on even terms. They had got the story from a man now dead--paid him five -hundred dollars for it. They wanted my help to make a profit, see? I -had met Mr. Norris and liked him. He is one of Nature's noblemen. So I -played a friendly part in the matter, and bought the story and turned -it over to Mr. Norris for what it cost me, and he gave me two hundred -dollars for my time. Unfortunately, they have turned out to be rascals, -and we have had to keep them in spending money, and prosperity has made -them extravagant. The whole thing has become a nuisance to me, and I -wish I was out of it." - -"What do they want now?" I asked. - -"Ten thousand dollars." - -That was all he said--just those three well-filled words--with a sad but -firm look in his face and a neat little gesture of both hands. "When do -they want it?" - -"To-day; they're getting impatient." - -"Suppose you tell them that they'll have to practise economy for a week -or so at least. I don't know but we shall decide to let them go ahead -and do their worst. It isn't going to hurt Norris. He's been foolish -about it; I'm trying to stiffen his backbone." Wilton rose with a look -of impatience in his face that betrayed him. - -"Very well; but _I_ shall not be responsible for the consequences." - -The cat had hissed for the first time, but he quickly recovered himself; -the tender look returned to his eyes. - -"I think you're foolish," he began again, while his right forefinger -caressed the point of his left. "These men are not going to last long. -One of them has had delirium tremens twice, and the other is in the -hospital with Bright's disease. They're both of them broke, and you know -as well as I that they could get this money in an hour from some -newspaper. It's almost dead sure that both of these men will be out of -the way in a year or so. Norris wants to be protected, and it's up to -you and me to do it." - -"Personally I do not see the object," I insisted. "Protecting him from -one assault only exposes him to another." - -"You see, the daughter isn't married yet, and we'd better protect the -name until she's out of the way, anyhow. That girl can go to Europe and -take her pick. She's good enough for any title. But if this came out it -would hurt her chances." - -"Mr. Wilton, I congratulate you," was my remark. - -"I thought you would see the point," he answered, with a smile. - -"I am thinking not of the point, but of your philanthropy. It is -beautiful. Do you sleep well nights?" - -"Very," he answered, with a quick glance into my eyes. - -"I should think that the troubles of the world would keep you awake." - -His face flushed a little, and then he smiled. "You lawyers have no -suspicion of the amount of goodness there is in the world--you're always -looking for rascals," he said. - -"But we have wandered. Let us take the nearest road to Rome. You say -they must have money to-day." - -"Before three o'clock." - -"We'll give them ten thousand dollars--not a cent more. You must tell -them to use it gently, for it's the last they'll get from us. To whom -shall I draw the check?" - -"To me--Lysander Wilton," he answered, with a look of relief. - -I gave him the check. He put on his coat and began to purr again; he was -glad to know me, and rightly thought that he could turn some business my -way. - -As he left my office I went to one of the front windows and took out my -handkerchief. The fog-whistle blew a blast that swept sea and land with -its echoes. In a moment I saw a certain clever, keen-eyed man who was -studying current history under the direction of Prof. William J. Bums -come out of a door opposite and walk at a leisurely pace down the main -street of Pointview toward the station. He was now taking the first -steps in a systematic effort to see what was in and behind the man -Wilton. - - - - -III.--IN WHICH A MAN IS SEEN HOLDING DOWN THE BUSHEL THAT HIDES HIS -LIGHT - - THE first thing I desired was the history of Wilton. He knew more -about us than we knew about him, and that didn't seem to be fair or -even necessary. In fact, I felt sure that his little world would yield -valuable knowledge if properly explored. I knew that there were lions -and tigers in it. - -I learned that Wilton had proceeded forthwith to a certain apartment -house on the upper west side of New York, in which he remained until -dinner-time, when he came out with a well-dressed woman and drove in a -cab to Martin's. The two spent a careless night, which ended at four a.m. -in a gambling-house, where Wilton had lost nine hundred dollars. Next -day, about noon, his well-dressed woman friend came out of the house -and was trailed to a bank, where she cashed a check for five hundred -dollars. We learned there that this woman was an actress and that her -balance was about eighty-five hundred dollars. - -Three months passed, and I got no further news of the man, save that he -had gone to Chicago and that our trailers had gone with him. - -"Our Western office now has the matter in hand," so the agency wrote -me. "They are doing their work with extreme care. Fresh men took up the -trail every day, until one of our ablest became a trusted confidant of -Wilton." - -The whole matter rested in the files of my office, and I had not thought -of it until one day Norris sent for me and, on my arrival at his house, -showed me a telegram. It was from the President of the United States, -whose career he had assisted in one way and another. It offered him the -post of Minister to a European court. The place was one of the great -prizes. - -"Of course you will accept it?" I said. - -"I should like to," he answered, "but isn't it curious that fame is one -of the things which fate denies me. I wouldn't dare take it." - -I understood him and said nothing. - -"You see, I cannot be a big man. I must keep myself as _little_ as -possible." - -"The joys of littleness are very great, as the mouse remarked at the -battle of Gettysburg; but they are not for you," I said. "He that -humbleth himself shall be exalted." - -"He that humbleth himself shall avoid trouble--that's the way it hits -me," he said. "I could have been Secretary of the Treasury a few years -back if I had dared. I must let everything alone which is likely to stir -up my history. Suppose the President should suddenly discover that he -had an ex-convict in his Cabinet? Do you think he could stand that, -great as he is? He would rightly say that I had tricked and deceived -and disgraced him. What would the newspapers say, and what would -people think of me? Potter, I've made a study of this thing we call -civilization. It's a big thing--I do not underestimate it--but it isn't -big enough to forgive a man who has served his term." - -"Yes, I know; some of us are always looking for a thief inside the -honest man," was my answer. "We ought to be looking for the honest man -inside the thief, as Chesterton puts it." - -"That's a good idea!" he exclaimed. "Find me one. I'd like to use him to -teach this world a lesson. I'd pay you a handsome salary as Diogenes. If -you succeed once I'll astonish you with generosity." - -"I should like to help you to get rid of some of this money of yours," I -said. - -"You can begin this morning," he went on. "I'm going to give you some -notes for a new will. Suppose you sit down at the table there." - -I spent the rest of that day taking notes, and was astonished at the -amount of his property and the breadth of his spirit. He had got his -start in the mining business, and with surprising insight had -invested his earnings in real estate, oil-lands, railroad stocks, and -steel-mills. - -"I have always believed in America, and America has made me rich," he -said to me. - -"Before the Spanish War and in every panic, when no man seemed to want -her securities, I have bought them freely, and I own them today. With -our growing trade and fruitful lands I wonder that all thinking men did -not share my confidence. If America had gone to smash I should have gone -with her. I shall stick to the old ship." - -One paragraph of the will has begun to make history. It has appeared -in the newspapers, but no account of my friend should omit it, and -therefore I present its wording here: - -"There are many points of greatness in the Christian faith, but the -greatest of all is charity. I conceive that the best argument for the -heathen is that of wheat and com. I therefore direct that the sum of -five million dollars be set aside and invested by the trustees of this -will and that its proceeds be applied to the relief of the distressing -poverty of unconverted peoples, wherever they may be, in the discretion -of said trustees; and when said relief is applied it shall be done as -the act of 'A Christian friend in America.' It is my wish that wherever -practicable in the judgment of said trustees this relief shall be -applied through the establishment of industries in which the needy shall -be employed at fair wages." - -I had finished my notes for the will, and my friend and I were sitting -comfortably by the open fire, when his wife entered the room and sat -down with us. - -"Have you told Mr. Potter about the bank offer?" she inquired of her -husband. - -"No, my dear," he answered. - -"May I tell him?" - -"Certainly." - -"Mr. Potter, the presidency of a great bank has been offered to my -husband, and I think that he ought to take it." - -"Oh, I have work enough here at home--all I can do," he said. - -"But you will not have much to do there--only a little consulting once a -week or so, and they say that you can talk to them here if you wish." - -"It's too much responsibility," he answered. - -"But it's so respectable," she urged. "My heart is set on it. They tell -me that, next to Mr. Morgan, you would be the greatest power in American -finance. We should all be so proud of you." - -"I couldn't wish you to be any more proud of me," he answered, tenderly. - -"But, naturally, we want you to be as great as you can, Whitfield," she -went on. "This would mean so much to me and to Gwendolyn." - -He rose wearily, with a glance into my eyes which I perfectly -understood, and went to his wife and kissed her and said: - -"My dear, I am sure that Mr. Potter will agree with me." - -"Unreservedly," was my answer. - -I knew then that this ambitious woman was as ignorant as the cattle in -their farmyard of the greater honors which he had declined. - -She rose and left the room with a look of disappointment. How far the -urgency of his wife and other misguided friends may have gone I know -not, but I have reason to believe that it put him to his wit's ends. - -I am sure that it was the most singular situation in which a lawyer was -ever consulted. My client's high character had commanded the love and -confidence of all who knew him well, and this love and confidence were -pushing him into danger. His own character was the wood of the cross on -which he was being crucified. - -That week I appeared for Norris in a case of some importance in New -York. One day in court a letter was put in my hands from the editor of -a great newspaper. It requested that I should call upon him that day or -appoint an hour when he could see me at my hotel. I went to his office. - -"Is it true that Norris is to be our new minister to--?" he asked. - -"It is not true," I said. - -"Is it true that he served a term in an Illinois prison?" - -"Why do you ask?" - -"For the reason that a story to that effect is now in this office." - -It was a critical moment, and I did not know how to behave myself. - -"I mean that a man has submitted the story--he wishes to sell it," he -added. - -"Forgive me if I speak a piece to you," I said. "It will be short and to -the point." - -As nearly as I could remember them I repeated the noble lines of -Whitman: - - "And still goes one, saying, - - 'What will ye give me and I will deliver this man unto - - you?' - - And they make the covenant and pay the pieces of silver, - - The old, old fee... paid for the Son of Mary. - -"If there's any descendant of Judas Iscariot on this paper I shall see -to it that his name and relationship are made known," I added. - -"We have not bought the article, and it is not likely that we shall," -said he. "If you wish to answer my question I shall make no use of your -words." - -There are times when one has to act and act promptly on his own -judgment, and when the fate of a friend is in the balance it is a hard -thing to do. So I quickly chose my landing and jumped. - -"I have only this to say," I answered. "Mr. Norris served a term in -prison when he was a boy, but the facts are of such a nature that it -wouldn't be safe for you to publish any part of them." - -I saw a query in his eye as he looked at me, and I went on: - -"They are loaded--that's the reason--loaded to the muzzle, and they'd -come pretty near blowing up your establishment. You know my reputation -possibly." - -"Oh, very well." - -"Then you know that I am not in the habit of going off at half-cock. -I tell you the facts would put you squarely on the Judas roll, and it -isn't a popular part to play. Briefly, the facts are: Norris suffered -for a friend, and that puts him on a plane so high that it isn't safe to -touch him." - -"On your word, Mr. Potter, I will do what I can to kill the story--now -and hereafter," said he. "The young man who wrote it is a decent fellow -and will soon be in my employ. But of course Norris will decline to be -put in high places." - -Even this enlightened editor saw that a man who had suffered prison -blight was a kind of frost-bitten plum. I left him with a feeling of -discouragement in the world and its progress. - -Before a week had passed I was summoned to the home of Norris and found -him ill in bed. He was in the midst of a nervous breakdown which had -seemed to begin with a critical attack of indigestion. It wearied him -even to sign and execute his will, and I saw him for only a few minutes, -and not again for months. - -He improved rapidly, and one day Gwendolyn Norris called at my office. - -The family were sailing for Hamburg within a week to spend the rest of -the winter at Carlsbad and Saint Moritz. She said: - -"Father wishes me to begin my business career, and so I've been looking -after the details, and you must tell me if there's anything that I have -forgotten." - -I went over all the arrangements regarding cats and dogs and horses and -tickets and hotel accommodations, and then asked, playfully: - -"What provision have you made for the young men you are leaving?" - -"There's only, one," said she, with laughing eyes, "and he can take care -of himself. He doesn't seem to need any of my help. But he's fine. I -recommend him to you as a friend." - -"Yes, I understand. You want me to get his confidence and see that he -goes to bed early and doesn't forget his friends." - -She blushed and laughed, and added: - -"Or get into bad company!" - -"You're a regular ward politician!" I said. "Don't worry. I'll keep my -eye on him." - -"You don't even know his name," she declared. - -"Don't I? The name Richard is written all over your face." - -"How uncanny!" she exclaimed. "I'm going to leave you." Then she added, -with a playful look in her eyes, "You know it's a dangerous place for -American girls who--who are unattached." - -"We don't want to frighten him." - -"It wouldn't be possible--he's awfully brave," said she, with a merry -laugh as she left me. - -That was the last I saw of them before they sailed. - -My friend had taken his doctor with him, and soon the latter wrote me -from the mountain resort that Norris had improved, but that I must not -appeal to him in any matter of business. All excitement would be bad for -him, and if it came suddenly might lead to fatal results. - - - - -IV.--A RATHER SWIFT ADVENTURE WITH THE PIRATE - - MIDWINTER had arrived when the checked current of our little history -became active again. My wife had thought that our life in Pointview -was a trifle sluggish, and we had been in town for two weeks. I had -recommended the Waldorf-Castoria as being good for sluggish livers, but -Betsey preferred the Manhattan. We were there when this telegram reached -me from Chicago. - -_W. left for N. Y. this morning, broke. He will call on you. Important -news by mail._ - -I expected to have some fun with him, and did. - -The same mail brought the "important news" and a note from Wilton, which -said: - -_I must see you within twenty-four hours. The need is pressing. Please -wire appointment._ - -Many salient points in the career of Wilton lay before me. It's singular -how much it may cost to learn the history of one little man. For half -the sum that I was to pay for Wilton's record a commonplace intellect -should have been able to acquire every important fact in the history of -the world. Wilton, whose real name was Muggs, was wanted in Mexico for -grand larceny, and very grand larceny at that, for he had absconded -twelve years before with twenty thousand dollars belonging to the -business in which he had been engaged. They had got their clue from a -letter which he had carelessly left in his coat-pocket when he entered a -Turkish bath, but of that part of the matter I need say no more. It -was quite likely that he was wanted in other places, but this was want -enough for my purpose. - -It was Saturday, and Betsey had gone to Pointview; I was to follow her -that evening for the week-end. No fog that day. The sun was shining in -clear air. - -When Wilton came my program had been arranged. It began as soon as he -entered my room. The cat was purring when suddenly the dog jumped at -her. It was the dog in my voice as I said: - -"Good morning, you busted philanthropist! Why didn't you tell me at -once that your name was Muggs. You might have saved me the expense of -employing a dozen detectives to learn what you could have told me in -five minutes. As a saint you're a failure. Why didn't you tell me that -they wanted you down in Mexico?" - -The cat was gone--jumped out of the open window, perhaps. I never saw -her again. Muggs stood unmasked before me. He was a man now. His face -changed color. His right hand went up to his brow, and then, as if -wondering what it was there for, began deftly smoothing his hair, while -his lower lip came up to the tips of his cropped mustache. His eyelids -quivered slightly. The fingers in that telltale hand began to tremble -like a flag of distress. - -In a second, before he had time to recover, I swung again, and very -vigorously. - -"If you're going to save yourself you haven't a minute to lose. The -detectives want that reward, and they're after you. They telephoned -me not ten minutes ago. I'll do what I can for you, but I make one -condition." - -"Excuse me," he said, as he pulled himself together. "I didn't know that -you had such a taste for history." - -"I love to study the history of philanthropists," I said. "Yours -thrilled me. I couldn't stop till I got to this minute. You're just -beginning a new chapter, and I want you to give it a heading right now. -Shall it be 'Prison Life' or 'In the Way of Reform'?" - -Again the man spoke. - -"As God's my witness, I want to live honest," said he. - -"Then I'll try to help you." - -I have always thought with admiration of his calmness as he looked down -at me with a face that said, "I surrender," and a tongue that said: - -"May I use your bath-room for one minute?" - -"Certainly," was my answer. - -He entered the bath-room and closed its door behind him. - -I had begun to fear that he might have rashly decided to jump into -eternity from my bath-room when he reappeared with no mustache and a -gray beard on his chin. Then, as if by chance, he took my hat and -gray summer top-coat from the peg, where they had been hanging, said -"Good-by," and walked hurriedly out of my door and down the corridor. - -I had hesitated a little between my duty to Mexico and my duty to -Norris, but I felt, and rightly, as I believe, that my client should -come first, for I am rather human. But how about the reward? I thought. -Well, that was none of my funeral. Shorn of his pull, he was now in the -thorny path of the fugitive, and so I let him go. - -I tried to work, but work was out of the question for me that morning. -I went for a walk, and on my return sat down with my paper. Among the -items in its cable news was the following: - -_Whitfield Norris and his family are at the Grand Hotel in Rome. His -daughter, Miss Gwendolyn, whose beauty and wealth, as well as her -amiable disposition, have attracted many suitors, is said to be engaged -to the young Count Carola._ - -What I said to myself is not one of the things which should appear in a -book, and I wish only to suggest enough of it here to put me on record. - -Soon after one o'clock I was called to the 'phone by my secretary, who -had followed Muggs when he left my room. At the time I gave my man his -orders I did not know, of course, how my interview would turn out, and -so, with a lawyer's prudence, I had decided to keep track of Muggs. When -he settled down or left the city my young man was to report, and so: - -"Hello," came his voice on the telephone. - -"Hello! What news?" I asked. - -"Our friend has just sailed on the _Caronia_ for England." - -"All right," I said, and then: "Hold on! Find out if there is a fast -ship sailing to-night, and if so engage good quarters for two." - -I sat down to get my breath. - -"How deft and wonderful!" I whispered. "It takes a good lawyer to keep -up with him." - -The man was on his way to Italy for another whack at Norris, and I had -been thinking that he was broke. He would resume his philanthropic rle -in Italy and probably scare Norris to death. He had, of course, read -that fool item in some paper. There was but one thing for me to do: I -must get there first and meet him in the corridor of the Grand Hotel -upon his arrival. Fortunately, my business was pretty well cleaned up in -preparation for a long rest of which we had been talking. - -I telephoned to Betsey that we should probably go abroad that night and -that she must get her trunks packed and on the way to the city as soon -as possible. - -"But my summer clothes are not ready!" she exclaimed. - -"Never mind clothes," I answered. "Breech-cloths will do until we can -get to Europe, and there's any amount of clothing for sale on the other -side of the pond. Chuck some things into a couple of trunks and stamp -'em down and come on. We'll meet here at six." - -Then I thought of my talk with Gwendolyn, and telephoned to young Forbes -and told him that I was going to Italy, and asked: - -"Any message to send?" - -"Sure," said he. "I'll come down to see you." - -"We dine at seven," I said. - -"Put on a plate for me," he requested. - -I had scarcely hung up the receiver when the bell rang and my secretary -notified me that he had engaged a good room on the _Toltec_, and would -be at my hotel in twenty minutes. - -I went down to the office and wrote a cablegram to Norris, in which I -said that we were going over to see the country and would call on him -within ten days. - -To pay the charges I took out my pocket-book. There was no money in it. -What had happened to me? There had been two one-hundred-dollar bills in -the book when I had paid for last evening's dinner; now it held nothing -but a slip of paper neatly folded. I opened it and read these words -written with a pencil: - -_Thanks. This is the last call. M._ - -Then I remembered that yesterday's trousers had been hanging in the -bath-room with my money in the right-hand pocket when Muggs was there. I -had got the book and taken it with me when I went for a walk. - -"He may be a busted philanthropist, but he's not a busted thief," I -mused. - - - - -V.--IN WHICH WE HAVE AN AMUSING VOYAGE - - BETSEY had been a bit disturbed by the swiftness of my plans. On her -arrival in town she said to me: - -"Look here, Socrates Potter, I'm no longer a colt, and you'll have to -drive slower. What are you up to, anyway?" - -"A surprise-party!" I answered. "Cheer up! It's our honeymoon trip. I've -decided that after a man has married a woman it's his duty to get well -acquainted with her. What's the use of having a breastful of love and -affection and no time to show it. To begin with we shall have the best -dinner this hotel affords." - -Our table, which had been well adorned with flowers, awaited us, and we -sat down to dinner. Richard Forbes came while we were eating our oysters -and joined us. - -We talked of many things, and while we were eating our dessert I sailed -into the subject nearest my heart by saying: - -"I kind o' guessed that you'd want to send a message." - -"How did you know it?" he asked. - -"Oh, by sundry looks and glances of your eye when I saw you last." - -"They didn't deceive you," said he. "Tell them that they may see me in -Rome before long. Miss Norris was kind enough to say in a letter that -they would be glad to see me. I haven't answered yet. You might gently -break the news of my plan and let me know how they stand it." - -"I'll give them your affectionate regard--that's as far as I am willing -to go--and I'll tell them to prepare for your presence. If they show -evidence of alarm I'll let you know. I kind o' mistrust that you may be -needed there and--and wanted." - -"No joking now!" he warned me. - -"Those titled chaps are likely to get after her, and I may want you -to help me head 'em off. You'd be a silly feller to let them grab the -prize." - -"The trouble is my fortune isn't made," said he. "I'm getting along, but -I can't afford to get married yet." - -"Don't worry about that," I begged him. "Our young men all seem to be -thinking about money and nothing else. Quit it. Keep out of this great -American thought-trust. Any girl that isn't willing to take hold and -help you make your fortune isn't worth having. Don't let the vine of -your thoughts go twining around the money-pole. If you do they'll make -you a prisoner." - -"But she is used to every luxury." - -"And probably will be glad to try something new. Her mama is not looking -for riches, but noble blood, I suppose. Norris's girl looks good to -me--nice way of going, as they used to say of the colts. We ought to be -able to offer her as high an order of nobility as there is in Europe." - -"I'm very common clay," the boy answered, with a laugh. - -"And the molding is up to you," I said, as we rose to go. - -"Tell them that Gwendolyn's heart is American territory and that I shall -stand for no violation of the Monroe Doctrine," said he. - -We bade him good-by and went aboard the steamer in as happy a mood as -if we had spent six months instead of six hours getting ready. So our -voyage began. - -Going over we felt the strong tides of the spirit which carry so many of -our countrymen to the Old World. The _Toltec_ was crowded with tourists -of the All-Europe-in-three-weeks variety. There were others, but these -were a small minority. Every passenger seemed to be loaded, beyond the -Plimsoll mark, with conversation, and in the ship's talk were all the -spiritual symptoms of America. - -We chose partners and went into the business of visiting. The sea shook -her big, round sides, immensely tickled, I should say, by the gossip. -Our ship was a moving rialto. We swapped stories and exchanged -sentiments; we traded hopes and secrets; we cranked up and opened the -gas-valve and raced into autobiography. Each got a memorable bargain. We -were almost dishonest with our generosity. - -"Ship ahoy!" we shouted to every man who came our way and noted his -tonnage and cargo, his home port and destination. - -How American! God bless us all! - -Within forty-eight hours it seemed to me that everybody knew everybody -else, except Lord and Lady Dorris, who were aboard, and the adoring -group that surrounded them. - -The big, wide-world thought-trust was well represented in the -smoking-room. There were business men and boys just out of college, all -expressing themselves in terms of profit and loss--the wealth of this or -that man and how he got it, the effect of legislation upon business, and -all that kind of thing. Thirty-five years ago such a company would have -been talking of the last speeches of Conkling and Ingersoll or the last -poems of Whittier and Tennyson. - -There were many keynotes in the conversation. If one sat down with a -book in the reading-room he would abandon it for the better display of -human nature in the crowd around him. There were some twoscore women all -talking at the same time, each drenching the other in the steady flow -of her conversational hose. The plan of it all seemed to be very -generous--everybody giving and nobody receiving anything. I used to -think that among women talk was for display or relief, and whispering -for the transfer of intelligence. Since I got married I know better: -women have a sixth sense by which they can acquire knowledge without -listening in a talk-fest. They miss nothing. - -It was interesting to observe how the edges of the conversations -impinged upon one another, like the circles made by a handful of pebbles -flung from a bridge into water. Now and then some strong-voiced lady -dropped a rock into the pool, and the spatter went to both shores. The -spray advertised the thought-trusts of the women: - -"I felt so sorry for poor Mabel! There wasn't a young man in the party." - -"It was a capital operation, but I pulled through." - -"Yes, I've wanted to go to Italy ever since I saw 'Romeo and Juliet.' -Those Italians are wonderful lovers." - -"It was so ridiculous to be throwing her at his head, and she with a -weak heart and only one lung!" - -"I don't know how I spend it, but somehow it goes." - -"Oh, they have been abroad, but anybody can do that these days." - -"Poor man! I feel sorry for him--she's terribly extravagant." - -"We don't see much of our home these days." - -"My twentieth trip across the ocean." - -"Our children are in boarding-schools, and my husband is living at his -club." - -I wanted to smoke and excused myself from Betsey and went out on the -deck, now more than half deserted, and stood looking off at the night. -Family history was pouring out of the state-room windows, and I could -not help hearing it. Grandma, slightly deaf, was saying to her daughter: - -"Lizzie must be more careful when those young men come to the door. This -morning she wasn't half dressed when she opened it." - -"Oh yes, she was." - -"No, she wasn't; I took particular notice. And every morning she wets -her hair in my perfumery. Then, sadly, It's almost gone." - -I knew enough about the sins of Lizzie, and moved on and took a new -stand. - -An elderly lumber merchant from Michigan was saying to his companion in -a loud voice: - -"Yes, I retired ten years ago. I am studying the history of the -world--all about the life of the world, especially the life of the -ancients." - -I moved on to escape a comparison of the careers of Alexander and -Napoleon, and settled down in a dusky corner near which a lady was -giving an account of the surgical operations which had been performed -upon her. So the conversation, which had begun at daybreak, went on into -the night. It was all very human--very American. - -The Litchmans of Chicago had rooms opposite ours. Every night six -or eight pairs of shoes, each decorated with a colored ribbon to -distinguish it from the common run of shoes, were ranged in a row -outside their door. The lady had forty-two hats--so I was told--and all -of them were neatly aired in the course of the voyage. The upper end of -her system was not a head, but a hat-holder. - -Their family of four children was established in a room next to ours. -As a whole, it was the most harmonious and efficient yelling-machine -of which I have any knowledge. Its four cylinders worked like one. At -dinner it filled its tanks with cheese and cakes and nuts and jellies -and milk, and was thus put into running order for the night. It is -wonderful how many yells there are in a relay of cheese and cake and -nuts and jelly and milk. When we got in bed the machine cranked up, -backed out of the garage, and went shrieking up the hill to midnight -and down the slope to breakfast-time, stopping briefly now and then for -repairs. - -A deaf lady next morning declared that she had heard the fog-whistles -blowing all night. - -"Fog-whistles! We didn't need 'em," said Betsey. - -It was a symptom of America with which I had been unfamiliar. - -We were astonished at the number of manless women aboard that ship. Many -were much-traveled widows whose husbands had fallen in the hard battles -of American life; some, I doubt not, like the battle of Norris, with -hidden worries that feed, like rats, on the strength of a man. - -Many of the women were handsome daughters and sleek, well-fed mamas -whose husbands could not leave the struggle--often the desperate -struggle--for fame and fortune. - -There were elderly women--well upholstered grandmamas--generally -traveling in pairs. - -One of them, a slim, garrulous, and affectionate lady well past her -prime, was immensely proud of her feet. She was Mrs. Fraley, from Terre -Haute--"a daughter of dear old Missouri," she explained. It seemed that -her feet had retained their pristine beauty through all vicissitudes, -and been complimented by sundry distinguished observers. One evening she -said to Betsey: - -"Come down to my state-room, dearest dear, and I will show you my feet." - -She always seemed to be seeking astonishment, and was often exclaiming -"Indeed!" or "How wonderful!" and I hadn't told any lies either. - -We met also Mrs. Mullet, of Sioux City, a gay and copious widow of -middle age, who appeared in the ship's concert with dark eyes well -underscored to give them proper emphasis. She was a well-favored, -sentimental lady with thick, wavy, brown hair. Her thoughts were also -a bit wavy, but Betsey formed a high opinion of her. Mrs. Mullet was a -neat dresser and resembled a fashion-plate. Her talk was well dressed in -English accents. She often looked thoughtfully at my chin when we talked -together, as if she were estimating its value as a site for a stand of -whiskers. It was her apparent knowledge of art which interested Betsey. -She talked art beautiful, as Sam Henshaw used to say, and was going to -Italy to study it. - -There were schoolma'ams going over to improve their minds, and romping, -sweetfaced girls setting out to be instructed in art or music, beyond -moral boundaries, and knowing not that they would take less harm among -the lions and hyenas of eastern Africa. When will our women learn that -the centers of art and music in Europe are generally the exact centers -of moral leprosy? - -There were stately, dignified, and inhuman people of the seaboard -aristocracy of the East--the Europeans of America, who see only the -crudeness of their own land. They have been dehorned--muleyed into -freaks by degenerate habits of mind and body. A certain passenger called -them the "Eunuchs of democracy," but I wouldn't be so intemperate with -the truth. One of them was the Lady Dorris, daughter of a New York -millionaire, who came out of her own apartments one evening to peer -laughingly into the dining-saloon, and say: - -"I love to look at them; they're so very, very curious!" - -Yes, we have a few Europeans in America, but I suspect that Europe is -more than half American. - -Then there was Mr. Pike, the lumber king, from Prairie du Chien, who -stroked his whiskers when he talked to me and looked me over from -head to toe as if calculating the amount of good timber in me. He had -retired, jumped from the lumber business into ancient history, and was -now reporting the latest news from Tyre and Babylon. - -In this environment of character we proceeded with nothing to do but -observe it, and with no suspicion that we were being introduced to the -persons of a drama in which we were to play our parts in Italy. - -So now, then, the orchestra has ceased playing and the curtain is up -again, and, with all these people on the stage, in the middle of the -ocean word goes around the decks that there is a ship off the port side -very near us. We look and observe that we are passing her. It is the -_Caronia_, and we ride the seas with a better sense of comfort, knowing -that Wilton is behind us. - -[Illustration: 0077] - - - - -VI.--WE ARRIVE IN THE LAND OF LOVE AND SONG - - HERE we are in Rome on the tenth day of our journey at three in the -afternoon! Jiminy Christmas! How I felt the need of language! I -had given my leisure on the train to the careful study of a -conversation-book, but the conversation I acquired was not extensive -enough to satisfy every need of a man born in northern New England. It -was too polite. There were a number of men who quarreled over us and our -baggage in the station at Rome, and I had to do all my swearing with -the aid of a dictionary. I found it too slow to be of any use. We were -rescued soon by Mrs. Norris and her footman, who took us to the Grand -Hotel. Gwendolyn met us in the hall of their apartment, and I delivered -Forbes's message. - -"You may kiss me!" she exclaimed, joyously. - -"I do it for him," I said. - -"Then do it again," said she. - -That's the kind of a girl she was--up and a-coming!--and that's the kind -of a man I am--obliging to the point of generosity at the proper moment. - -The reputation of the Norrises gave us standing, and we were soon -marching in step and sowing our francs in a rattling shower with the -great caravan of American blood-hunters. - -Norris himself was in better health than I had hoped to find him, and -three days later he drove me to Tivoli in his motor-car. - -As we were leaving the hotel the porter said to Norris: - -"An American gentleman called to see you about an hour ago. He was very -urgent, and I told him that I thought you had gone to Tivoli." - -"Not gone, but going," said Norris. "There's a grain of truth in what -you said, but I suppose you meant well." - -He handed the porter a coin and added: - -"You must never be able to guess where I am." - -In the course of our long ride across the Campagna I made my report and -he made his. I told the whole story of Muggs and how at length the man -had given me a good, full excuse for my play-spell. - -"I suppose that he will be after us again here," said Norris. - -"Don't worry," I answered; "you'll find me a capable watch-dog. It will -only be necessary for me to bark at him once or twice." - -"You're an angel of mercy," said my friend. "I couldn't bear the sight -of him now. It isn't the money involved; it's his devilish smoothness -and the twitch of the bull-ring and the peril I am in of losing my -temper and of doing something to--to be regretted." - -"Let me be secretary of your interior also," I proposed, and added: "I -can get mad enough for both of us, and I have a growing stock of cuss -words." - -My assurance seemed to set Norris at rest, and I called for his report. - -"Mine is a longer story," he began. "First we went to Saint -Moritz--beautiful place, six thousand feet up in the mountains--and it -agreed with me. We found two kinds of Americans there--the idle rich who -came to play with the titled poor and the homeless. Everywhere in Europe -one finds homeless people from our country--a wandering, pathetic -tribe of well-to-do gipsies. Among the idle rich are maidens with great -prospects and planning mamas, and rich widows looking for live noblemen -with the money of dead grocers, rum merchants, and contractors. They're -all searching for 'blood,' as they call it. - -"'I can't marry an American,' one of them said to me; 'I want a man of -blood. These men are of ancient families that have made history, and -they know how to make love, too.' - -"Impoverished dukes, marquises, princes, barons, counts, from the -purlieus of aristocratic Europe, throng about them. These noblemen are -professional marryers, and all for sale. The bob-sled and the toboggan -are implements of their craft, symbols of the rapid pace. Unfortunately, -they are often the meeting-place of youthful innocence and utter -depravity, of glowing health and incurable disease. Maidens and -marquises, barons and widows, counts and young married women, traveling -alone, sit dovetailed on bob-sleds and toboggans, and, locked in a -complex embrace, this tangle of youth and beauty, this interwoven mass -of good and evil, rushes down the slippery way. In the swift, curving -flight, by sheer hugging, they overcome the tug of centrifugal force. It -is a long hug and a strong hug. Thus, courtship is largely a matter of -sliding. - -"Then there are the dances. I do not need to describe them. At Saint -Moritz they go to the limit. Fifteen years ago when Chuck Connors and -his friends practised these dances in a Bowery dive respectable citizens -turned away with disgust. Since then the idle rich who explore the -underworld have begun to imitate its dances, which were intended to -suggest the morals of the dog-kennel and the farmyard and which have -achieved some success in that direction. Unfortunately, the idle rich -are well advertised. If they were to wear rings in their noses the -practice would soon become fashionable. - -"Well, you see, it was no place for my girl. I sent her away with Mrs. -Mushtop to Rome, but not until a young Italian count had got himself in -love with my money." - -"Count Carola?" I asked. - -"Count Carola!" said he. "How did you know?" - -"Saw it in the paper." - -"The paper!" he exclaimed. "God save us from the papers as well as from -war, pestilence, and sudden death." - -"Is the count really shot in the heart?" I ventured to ask. - -"Oh, he likes her as any man likes a pretty, bright-eyed girl," Norris -went on, "but it was a part of my money that he wanted most. I had kept -her out of that crowd, and the young man hadn't met her. He had only -stood about and stared at us, and had finally asked for an introduction -to me, which I refused, greatly to my wife's annoyance. The young man -followed them to Rome, but I didn't know that he had done so until I -got there. They went around seeing things, and everywhere they went -the count was sure to go. Followed them like a dog, day in and day out. -Isn't that making it a business? His eyes were on them in every room of -every art-gallery. One day, when they stood with some friends near the -music-stand in the Pincio Gardens, the count approached Mrs. Mushtop. -You know Mrs. Mushtop; she is a good woman, but a European at heart and -a worshiper of titles. I didn't suppose that she was such a romantic old -saphead of a woman. This is what happened: the count took off his hat -and greeted her with great politeness. She was a little flattered. My -daughter turned away. - -"'I suspect, myself, that you are the young lady's chaperon,' said he. - -"'Yes, sir.' - -"'I am in love with the beautiful, charming young lady. It is so joyful -for me to look at her. I am most unhappy unless I am near her. I have -the honor to hand you my card; I wish you to make the inquiry about -my family and my character. Then I hope that you will permission me to -speak to her.' - -"Think of Mrs. Mushtop standing there and letting him go on to that -extent. - -"She said, 'It would do no good, for I believe that she is engaged.' - -"'That will make not any difference,' he insisted, with true Italian -simplicity; I will take my chances.' - -"She foolishly kept his card, but had the good sense to turn away and -leave him. - -"Mrs. Norris went on to Rome for a few days while I stayed at Saint -Moritz with my physician, mother, and secretary. You know women better -than I do, probably. Most of them like that Romeo business; that -swearing by the sun, moon, and stars--those cosmic, cross-universe -measurements of love. I don't know as I blame them, for, after all, a -woman's happiness is so dependent on the love of a husband. - -"Well, those women got their heads together, and my wife thought that, -on the whole, she liked the looks of the count. He was rather slim and -dusky, but he had big, dark eyes and red cheeks and perfect teeth and -a fine bearing. So they drove to Florence, where he lived, and -investigated his pedigree and character. It was a very old family, which -had played an important part in the campaigns of Mazzini and Cavour, -but its estate had been confiscated after the first failure of the -great Lombard chief, and its fortunes were now at a low ebb. One of the -count's brothers is the head waiter in a hotel at Naples. He had sense -enough to go to work, but the count is a confirmed gentleman who rests -on hopes and visions. He reminds me of a house standing in the air with -no visible means of support. - -"However, the investigation was satisfactory to my wife, and she invited -the young man to dinner at her hotel. The ladies were all captivated -by his charm, and there's no denying that the young fellow has pretty -manners. It's great to see him garnish a cup of tea or a plate of -spaghetti with conversation. His talk is pastry and bonbons. - -"When I came on I found them going about with him and having a fine -time. Under his leadership my wife had visited sundry furniture and -antique shops and invested some five thousand dollars, on which, I -presume, the count received commissions sufficient to keep him in -spending-money for a while. I didn't like the count, and told them so. -He's too effeminate for me--hasn't the frank, upstanding, full-breasted, -rugged, ready-for-anything look of our American boys. But I didn't -interfere; I kept my hands off, for long ago I promised to let my wife -have her way about the girl. That reminds me we have invited young -Forbes to come over and spend a month with us." - -"Likely young fellow," I said. - -"None better," said he; "if he had sense enough to ask Gwen to marry -him I'd be glad of it. I have refused to encourage the affair with the -count, but we find it hard to saw him off. We drove to Florence the -other day, and he followed us there and back again. He's a comer, I can -tell you; we can see him coming wherever we are. I swear a little about -it now and then, and Gwen says, 'Well, father, you don't own the road.' -And Mrs. Norris will say: 'Poor fellow! Isn't it pitiful? I'm so sorry -for him!' - -"His devotion to business is simply amazing--works early and late, and -don't mind going hungry. In all my life I never saw anything like it." - -We had arrived at Tivoli, and as he ceased speaking we drew up at -Hadrian's Villa and entered the ruins with a crowd of American tourists. -An energetic lady dogged the steps of the swift-moving guide with a -volley of questions which began with, "Was it before or after Christ?" -By and by she said: "I wouldn't like to have been Mrs. Hadrian. Think of -covering all these floors with carpets and keeping them clean!" - -I left Norris sitting on a broken column and went on with the crowd for -a few minutes. I kept close to the energetic lady, being interested in -her talk. Suddenly she began to hop up and down on one leg and gasp for -breath. I never saw a lady hopping on one leg before, and it alarmed me. -The battalion of sightseers moved on; they seemed to be unaware of her -distress--or was it simply a lack of time? I stopped to see what I could -do for her. - -"Oh, my lord! My heavens!" she shouted, as she looked at me, with both -hands on her lifted thigh. "I've got a cramp in my leg! I've got a cramp -in my leg!" - -I supported the lady and spoke a comforting word or two. She closed her -eyes and rested her head on my arm, and presently put down her leg and -looked brighter. - -"There, it's all right now," said she, with a shake of her skirt. -"Thanks! Do you come from Michigan?" - -"No." - -"Where do you hail from?" - -"Pointview, Connecticut." - -"I'm from Flint, Michigan, and I'm just tuckered out. They keep me going -night and day. I'm making a collection of old knockers. Do you suppose -there are any shops where they keep 'em here?" - -"Don't know. I'm just a pilgrim and a stranger and am not posted in the -knocker trade," I answered. - -The crowd had turned a corner; and with a swift good-by she ran after -it, fearful, I suppose, of losing some detail in the domestic life of -Hadrian. - -So on one leg, as it were, she enters and swiftly crosses the stage. -It's a way Providence has of preparing us for the future. To this -moment's detention I was indebted for an adventure of importance, for as -she left me I saw Muggs, the sleek, pestiferous Muggs, coming out of -the old baths on his way to the gate. He must have been the man who had -called to see Norris that morning. He turned pale with astonishment and -nodded. - -"Well, Muggs, here you are," I said. - -He handled himself in a remarkable fashion, for he was as cool as a -cucumber when he answered: - -"I used to resemble a lot of men, and some pretty decent fellows used -to resemble me, but as soon as they saw me they quit it--got out from -under, you know. Even my photographs have quit resembling me." - -"Well, you have changed a little, but my hat and overcoat look just -about as they did," I laughed. . - -"If I didn't know it was impossible I would say that your name was -Potter," said he. - -"And if I knew it was impossible I would swear that your name was -Muggs," I answered. - -"Forget it," said he; "in the name of God, forget it. I'm trying to live -honest, and I'm going to let you and your friends alone if you'll let me -alone. Now, that's a fair bargain." - -I hesitated, wondering at his sensitiveness. - -"You owe us quite a balance, but I'm inclined to call it a bargain," I -said. "Only be kind to that hat and coat; they are old friends of mine. -I don't care so much about the two hundred dollars." - -"Thanks," he answered with a laugh, and went on: "I've given you proper -credit on the books. You'll hear from me as soon as I am on my feet." - -"What are you doing here?" I asked. - -He answered: "Ever since I was a kid I've wanted to see the Colosseum -where men fought with lions." - -"I am sure that you would enjoy a look at Hadrian's Walk," I said, -pointing to the tourists who had halted there as I turned away. - -So we parted, and with a sense of good luck I hurried to Norris. - -"I've got a crick in my back," I said. "Let's get out of here." - -We proceeded to our motor-car at the entrance. - -"This ruin is the most infamous relic in the world," said Norris, as -we got into our car; "it stands for the grandeur of pagan hoggishness. -Think of a man who wanted all the treasures and poets and musicians -and beauties in the world for the exclusive enjoyment of himself and -friends. Millions of men gave their lives for the creation of this -sublime swine-yard. Hadrian's Villa, and others like it, broke the back -of the empire. I tell you, the world has changed, and chiefly in its -sense of responsibility for riches. Here in Italy you still find the old -feudal, hog theory of riches, which is a thing of the past in America -and which is passing in England. We have a liking for service. I tell -you, Potter, my daughter ought to marry an American who is strong in the -modem impulses, and go on with my work." - - - - -VII.--IN WHICH I TEACH THE DIFFICULT ART OF BEING AN AMERICAN IN ITALY - - - NORRIS had overtaxed himself in this ride to Tivoli and spent the next -day in his bed. - -"My conversation often has this effect," I said, as I sat by his -bedside. "Forty miles of it is too much without a sedative. You need the -assistance of the rest of the family. Let Gwendolyn and her mother take -a turn at listening." - -"That's exactly what I propose. I want you to look after them," he said. -"They need me now if they ever did, and I'm a broken reed. Be a friend -to them, if you can." - -I liked Norris, for he was bigger than his fortune, and you can't say -that of every millionaire. Not many suspect how a lawyer's heart can -warm to a noble client. I would have gone through fire and water for -him. - -"If they can stand it I can," was my answer. "A good many people have -tried my friendship and chucked it overboard. It's like swinging an -ax, and not for women. One has to have regular rest and good natural -vitality to stand my friendship." - -"They have just stood a medical examination," he went on. "I want you -and Mrs. Potter to see Rome with Gwendolyn and her mother and give them -your view of things. Be their guide and teacher. I hope you may succeed -in building up their Americanism, but if you conclude to turn them into -Italians I shall be content." - -"There are many things I can't do, but you couldn't find a more willing -professor of Americanism," I declared. - -So it happened that Betsey and I went with Gwendolyn and her mother for -a drive. - -I am not much inclined to the phrases of romance. Being a lawyer, I hew -to the line. But I have come to a minute when my imagination pulls at -the rein as if it wanted to run away. I remember that an old colonial -lawyer refers in one of his complaints to "a most comely and winsome -mayd who with ribbands and slashed sleeves and snug garments and -stockings well knit and displayed and sundry glances of her eye did -wickedly and unlawfully work upon this man until he forgot his duty -to his God, his state, and his family," and it is on record that this -"winsome mayd" was condemned to sit in the bilboes. - -The tall, graceful, blue-eyed, blond-haired girl, opposite whom I sat -in the motor-car that day, was both comely and winsome. She innocently -"worked upon" the opposite sex until one member of it got to work upon -me, and I'm not the kind that goes around looking for trouble. Even when -it looks for me it often fails to find me. - -I am a man rather firmly set in my way and well advanced upon it, but I -have to acknowledge that Gwendolyn's face kept reminding me of the best -days of my boyhood, when life itself was like a rose just opened, and -the smile of Betsey was morning sunlight. Backed by great wealth, its -effect upon the marryers of Italy can be imagined. - -Gwendolyn had survived the three deadly perils of girlhood--cake, candy, -and the soda-fountain. A pony and saddle and good air to breathe helped -her to win the fight until she went to school in Munich, where a wise -matron and the spirit of the school induced her to climb mountains and -eat meat and vegetables and other articles in the diet of the sane. Now -she was a strong, red-cheeked, full-blooded young lady of twenty. In -spite of the stanch Americanism of Norris, Gwendolyn and her mother were -full of European spirit. They liked democracy, but they loved the pomp -and splendor of courts, and the sound of titles, and the glitter of -swords and uniforms. As we got into the car we observed numbers of young -men staring at us, and I spoke of it, and Gwendolyn said to me: - -"I think that the young men in America are better-looking, but they -are so cold! All the girls tell me that these boys can beat them making -love, and I believe it." - -"But most of our boys have work to do," I said. "With them love-making -is only a side issue, and it often comes at the end of a long, hard day. -These Italians seem to have nothing else to do but make love." - -"I don't see, for my part, why men who have plenty of money should -have to work," said Mrs. Norris. "What's the use of having money if it -doesn't give you leisure for enjoyment?" - -"But leisure is like dynamite--you have to be careful with it," I said. -"For most of us it's the only danger. All deviltry begins in leisure and -ends in work, if at all. Being naturally sinful, I don't fool with it -much. Of course you women are moral giants, and you don't need to be so -scared of it." - -"You have to joke about everything," said Mrs. Norris. "Sometimes I -think that I understand you and suddenly you begin joking, and then I -lose confidence in all you have said." - -"I mean all I say and then some more," I declared. "I assume that you -are moral giants or that you do a lot of work secretly. No _man_ could -keep his footing in the slippery path of unending leisure. In Europe -leisure is the aim of all, and where it most abounds morality is a joke. -Here blood and leisure are the timber of which all ladies and gentlemen -are made. In America we know that it's rotten timber. We have discovered -three great commandments. They are written not only on tablets of stone, -but everywhere. If they were printed across the sky they couldn't be any -plainer. You know them as well as I do." The three ladies turned serious -eyes upon me and shook their heads. - -Then I shot my bolt at them: - -"They are: - -"1. Get busy. - -"2. Keep busy. - -"3. See that it pays, which means that you are to play as well as work." - -Mrs. Norris smiled and nimbly stepped out of my way and bravely -answered, like a real rococo aristocrat: - -"I fear that you are prejudiced. I should be proud to have my daughter -marry into one of these old families, not hastily, of course, but after -we have found the right man. There are splendid men in some of them, and -your best Italian is a most devoted husband. He worships his wife." - -"And if you're looking for a worshiper you couldn't find a place where -the arts of worship have been so highly developed," I answered. "But no -American girl should be looking for a worshiper unless she's under the -impression that she created the world, and even then a doctor would do -her more good. Of course Gwendolyn would prefer a man, and what's the -matter with one of your own countrymen--Forbes, for instance?" - -"I couldn't pass his examination--too difficult!" said Gwendolyn, with a -laugh. "I think that he is looking for a world-beater--a girl who -could win the first prize in a golf tournament or a beauty show or a -competition in mathematics. What chance have I? He thinks that he -has got to be a rich man before he gets married. What chance has he?" -Clearly she wanted me to know that she liked him and resented his -apparent indifference. I suppose that he had not fallen down before her, -as other boys had done, and she could not quite make him out. Probably -that's why she preferred him. - -"He has wonderful self-possession," I said. - -"Yes, he'll never let go of himself. All the girls say that about him. -He's a wise youngster." - -"If he were in my place I don't believe he could hold out through the -day," I declared. - -"She does look well, doesn't she?" said Mrs. Norris, as she proudly -surveyed her daughter. "Italy agrees with her, and she loves it and the -people." - -"So do I," was my answer. "The Italian people, who are doing the work of -Italy, are admirable. Out in the vineyards you will find young men who -are even good enough for Gwendolyn. It's these idle horse-traders that -I object to--these fellows who are trying to swap a case of spavined -respectability for a fortune." - -"Oh, you're a mountain of prejudice!" Mrs. Norris exclaimed. "Now, -there's the Princess Carrero. She was an American girl, and she is the -happiest, proudest woman in Italy. Her husband is one of the finest -gentlemen I ever met." - -"He's a dear!" Gwendolyn echoed. - -"For my part I think that international marriages are a fine thing," -Mrs. Norris went on. "They are drawing the races together into one -brotherhood." - -"But such a brotherhood will be hard on our sisterhood," I objected. "A -wife here is the chief hired girl. Often if she doesn't mind she gets -licked, and if she's an American she must always pay the bills." - -We had come to the great church of St. Paul, beyond the ancient walls of -the city. There we left our car and passed through a crowd of insistent -beggars to enter its door. We shivered in our wraps under the great, -golden ceiling high above our heads. Its towering columns and pilasters -looked like sculptured ice. It was all so cold! - -"It doesn't seem right," I said to Mrs. Norris, "that one should get a -chill in the house of God." - -"Keep cool ought to be good advice for Christians," said Betsey. - -"But coldness and hospitality are bad companions," I insisted. "Chilling -grandeur a people might reasonably expect from their king; but is it the -thing for a prodigal returning to his father's house?" - -"But isn't it beautiful?" - -Mrs. Norris wished me to agree, and I shocked her by saying: - -"Beautiful, but too much like kings' palaces. The Golden House of Nero -was just this kind of thing, and it's on record that Jesus Christ had no -taste for show and glitter. I believe He called it vanity." Mrs. Norris -wore a look of surprise. The old horse called Honesty took the bit in -his teeth then and fairly ran away with me. - -"The whole difference between Europe and America is in this building," I -said. "We no longer believe in kings or kings' palaces in heaven or upon -earth. With most of us God has ceased to be an emperor rejoicing in pomp -and splendor and adulation. We find that He likes better to dwell in a -cabin and a humble heart. We do not believe that he cares for the title -of king. We do not believe that there are any titles in heaven." - -At this point I observed a look of astonishment in the face of Mrs. -Norris, so I suddenly closed the tap of my thoughts. - -Was it my philosophy? No, it was Muggs who lifted his hat (or rather my -hat) as he passed us with the sentimental Mrs. Mullet clinging to his -arm. - -"Don't notice him," Mrs. Norris whispered to her daughter, as both -turned away. "It's that odious Wilton who used to come and see father." - -I wondered how it was going to be possible for me to rescue Mrs. Mullet -under the circumstances of our covenant of non-interference. We turned -and left this splendid memorial to the great apostle Paul. - -Count Carola was waiting for us at the step of the car, and kissed the -hands of Mrs. Norris and Gwendolyn, and assisted them to their seats. I -was presented to him, and am forced to say that I didn't like the cut of -his jib. Still, I'm very particular about jibs, especially the jib of a -new boat. - -"Poor dear boy!" Mrs. Norris exclaimed, as we drove away. "There's a -lover for you!" - -"He grows handsomer every day," said Gwendolyn, in a low, lyrical tone. - -"It's his suffering," Mrs. Norris half moaned. - -"Do you really think so?" the young lady sympathized. - -"Hold on, Juliet!" said I. "If I were you I'd shoo him off the balcony. -He's a perfect lily of a man, but he won't do--too generous, too -devoted! We have men like him in America. There their titles are never -mentioned in the best society, and their persons are often cruelly -injured. For a badge of rank they have adopted a kind of liver-pad which -they wear often over one eye or the other. Of course on Broadway they -haven't the romantic environment of Italy, and are subject to all kinds -of violence." - -Mrs. Norris flashed a glance of surprise at me. - -"You are a cruel iconoclast," said she. "He belongs to one of the best -families in Italy." - -"And if I were you I'd let him continue to belong to it; at least, -I wouldn't want to buy him. He acts like a book-agent or a seller of -lightning-rods, or a train-boy with his chocolates and chewing-gum. He -won't take 'No' for an answer. He keeps tossing his wares into your laps -and seems to say: 'For God's sake, think of my starving family and make -me some kind of an offer.' Do you think that compares in dignity with -the self-possession of Richard?" - -The ladies exchanged glances. Gwendolyn laughed and blushed. Mrs. Norris -smiled. I went on: - -"He defaces the landscape like the portraits of the late Mr. Mennen in -America. He shows up everywhere as an advertisement for his own charms." - -[Illustration: 0106] - -"That's his legend." - -"It's just a little ridiculous, isn't it?" said the girl. - -"Oh, the poor boy is in love!" Mrs. Norris pleaded, in a begging, -purring tone which said, plainly enough, "Of course you are right, but -every boy is a fool when he is in love, isn't he?" - -"So is Richard in love," I boldly declared for him, "but he isn't on the -bargain-counter; he isn't damaged, shop-worn, or out of date; he hasn't -been marked down." - -Two pairs of eyes stared at mine with a prying gaze. - -Gwendolyn leaned forward and grasped my hand. - -"Who in the world is he in love with?" she asked, eagerly. "Tell me at -once." - -"Himself!" Mrs. Norris exclaimed, before I could answer. - -"No; with Gwendolyn," I ventured. - -Both seemed to relax suddenly, and their backs touched the upholstery. - -"I haven't a doubt of it," was my firm assertion. - -The fair maid leaned toward me again. - -"You misguided man!" she exclaimed. "Why do you think that?" - -"For many reasons and--_one_," - -"What is the _one?_" Gwendolyn asked. - -"That is my last shot, and I am not going to throw it away. It's worth -something, and if you get it you'll have to pay for it." - -"You cruel wretch!" she said, with a stinging slap on my hand. "What -then are your many reasons?" - -"They are all in this phrase, 'sundry glances of the eye.'" - -"How disappointing you are!" - -"And what a spoiled child you are!" I retorted. "Ever since you began to -walk you have had about everything that you asked for. The magic lamp of -Aladdin was in your hands. You had only to wish and to have. Of course -you don't think that you can keep on doing that. You'll soon see that -the best things come hard; they have to be earned, and I guess Dick -Forbes is one of them. He doesn't seem to be looking for money; what -he wants is a real woman. He can love, and with great tenderness and -endurance. He's a long-distance lover. His love will keep right along -with you to the last. He doesn't go around singing about it with a -guitar; he doesn't burst the dam of his affection to inundate an heiress -and swear that all the contents of the infinite skies are in his little -flood. That kind of thing doesn't go down any longer; it's out of date. -With us it's gone the way of the wig and the crown and the knight and -the noisome intrigue and the tallow dip and the brush harrow. We know -it's mostly mush, twaddle, and mendacity. Here in Europe you will still -find the brush harrow, the tallow dip, and the tallow lover, but not in -our land. If you get Richard Forbes you'll have to go into training and -try to satisfy his ideals, but it will be worth while." - -The ladies changed color a little and sat with looks of thoughtful -embarrassment, as if they had on their hands a white elephant whose -playfulness had both amused and alarmed them. Twice Betsey and Gwendolyn -had broken into laughter, but Mrs. Norris only smiled and looked -surprised. - -"Perhaps you could tell me what his ideals are," said Gwendolyn. - -Our arrival at the Borghese galleries saved me. We immediately entered -them and resumed the study of art. Nothing there interested me so much -as the busts of the old emperors. What a lot of human shoats they must -have been! Idleness and overeating had created the imperial type of -human architecture--eyes set in fat, massive jowls, great necks that -seemed to rise to the tops of their heads. With them the title business -began to thrive. It was nothing more or less than a license to prey on -other people. No wonder that every other man's life was in danger while -they lived. - -What modesty was theirs! When a man became emperor he caused a statue -of himself to be made as father of all the gods. It was probably not -so large as he felt, but as large as the rocks would allow--only some -fifteen feet high. It was the beginning of the bust and the portrait -craze. - -We passed from the hall of shoats to the picture-galleries. - -I have read of what Beaudelaire calls "the beauty disease," and there -is no place where the young may be more sure of getting it than in these -Old-World art-galleries. Gwendolyn and her mother had a mild attack of -this disease, "this lust of the art faculties which eats up the moral -like a cancer." The monstrous excesses of the idle rich are symptoms -of its progress. In Europe the church, the aristocracy, and the art -students have caught the fever of it. - -"How lovely! How tender!" said Gwendolyn, as we stood before the Dana -of Correggio. - -"How lovely! How tenderloin!" I echoed, by way of an antitoxin. - -Here was a fifteenth-century ideal of female attractiveness radiating an -utterly morbid sensuality. The picture reeked and groaned with passion. - -Young men and women from towns and villages in our land who sat -industriously copying the works of old masters were turning money newly -made in Zanesville, Keokuk, Cedar Rapids, and like places into weird -imitations of Correggio, Titian, and Botticelli. Well, I expect that -they were having a good time, but I would rather see them copying the -tints and forms of nature near their own doors than worshiping the kings -of art, which is another form of the title craze. - -Here we met again the elderly lady with the beautiful feet who had -crossed on our steamer--Mrs. Fraley from Terre Haute. She presented -Betsey and me to Miss Muriel Fraley, her grandniece, a good-looking miss -of about twenty-three, who was copying the Dana. Mrs. Fraley had found -new and delightful astonishments in Italy, the chief of which was this -Europeanized niece. She drew me aside and whispered: - -"She is a lovely child! Just notice the aristocratic pose of her head." - -I allowed that I could see it, for I had to, and ran my mental hand into -the grab-bag for something to say and pulled out: - -"I like that blond hair--of--hers." - -I observed, as the girl looked up, that her cheeks were just a bit too -red and that her eyes had been slightly emphasized. They did not need -it, either, for they were capital eyes to start with. - -"And she is as good as she is beautiful," the old lady went on, in a low -tone of strict confidence. "And, you know, since she came here a real -count has made love to her." - -"A count!" I exclaimed. - -There was a touch of awe in her tone as she said, "Belongs to one of the -oldest families in Italy!" - -I cleared my throat and thought of death and funerals and comic -supplements and such mournful things for safety. - -"I want you to meet him at dinner," the good soul went on. "Where are -you stopping?" - -"At the Grand Hotel." - -"We are near there, at the Pension Pirroni. You and Mrs. Potter must -dine with us." - -I gradually separated myself from Mrs. Fraley and hastened to join my -friends. I found them with startled looks in a group of the ancient -marble gods and others who lived before the invention of trousers. - -"If I were to assume the license of Hercules and stand up here on a -pedestal, what do you suppose they'd do to me?" I whispered to Betsey. - -"You're no work of art!" said she. - -"No, I'm a man, and better than any imitation of a man, for when a lady -came into the room I should jump down and hide in some sarcophagus." - -I left them with the poetic cattle of Olympus and went on and asked them -to look for me at the door. I lingered awhile with the lovely figures -of Canova and Bernini, and was glad at last to get out of the chilly -atmosphere of the gallery. - -I found the count at the door. He approached me and said, in broken -English: - -"The ladies, I suppose, they are yet inside now." - -I saw my chance and took advantage of it. - -"Why do you follow them?" - -"Because I have the hope for good devil-_op_-ments." - -His "devil-_op_-ments" amused me, and I could not help laughing. - -"Ah, Signore, I have very much troubley in my harrit," he added. - -"And you will have trouble in other parts of your system if you do not -go away," I said. "If you follow these ladies again I shall ask the -police to protect us. If they cannot keep you away I shall injure you in -some manner, or hire a boy to do it." - -"What! You cannot achieve it!" he answered, in some heat. "You have -given me the insults. I shall implore my friend to call on you." - -"Send him along," I said, as he hurried away. - -The ladies came out presently, and I observed that Gwendolyn and her -mother seemed to miss the count. - -"He's discouraged, poor thing!" said Mrs. Norris, as we drove away. - - - - -VIII.--I AGREE TO FIGHT A DUEL AND NAME A WEAPON WITH WHICH EUROPEAN -GENTLEMEN ARE UNFAMILIAR - - THE count's friend called to see me that evening, as I expected. He was -a very good-looking young fellow who had more humor and better English -than the count. He was a Frenchman of the name of Vincent Aristide -de Langueville. Betsey had gone to the opera with Mrs. Norris and -Gwendolyn. I was alone. - -"For my friend, the Count Carola, I have the honor to ask you to name -the day and the weapons," he said, with politeness, before he had sat -down. - -Now I was in for it. After all, I thought for traveling with an heiress -in this country one needs a suit of armor. - -"I'm a born fighter," I said, "but almost always my weapons have been -words. They are the only weapons with which I am thoroughly familiar. I -propose that we have a talking-match. Put us, say, ten paces apart and -light the fuse and get back out of the way while we explode. We'll load -the guns with Italian, if he prefers it, and I'll give him the first -shot. After ten minutes you can carry him off the field. He'll be -severely wounded, but it won't hurt him any." - -Vincent Aristide de Langueville laughed a little and said: - -"But, my dear sir, this is not one joke. We desire the satisfaction." - -"And I will guarantee it," was my answer. - -"But, sir, we must have the fight until the blood comes." - -"Ah, you are looking for blood also," I said. "Well, I have thought of -another weapon which once upon a time I could handle with some skill. -Let's have a duel with pitchforks." - -"Pitchforks! What is it?" he asked. "I do not understand." - -"It's a favorite weapon in New England. My great-grandfather fought -the Indians and the British with it, and it was one of the weapons -with which I fought against poverty when I was a boy. It's a great -blood-letter. I used to kill coons and hedgehogs with the pitchfork." - -"Please tell me what it is. What is it?" he pleaded. - -With my pencil I drew a picture of it and said: "This handle is about -five feet in length and very strong. These three prongs are of steel and -curved a little and long enough to go through the abdomen of the most -prosperous mayor in France." - -"My God! It is the devil's weapon!" he exclaimed. - -"You may report to him that the American pitchfork is the -'devil-_op_-ment' of our interview, and I shall name the day and hour as -soon as I can get hold of the weapon." - -"I shall tell my friend, and, please, may I take the picture with me?" -said Vincent. - -"Certainly, and you may say to him that I shall cable for the forks -to-night, and that as soon as they arrive I shall appoint the day and -hour." - -He gave me his card. - -"You live here in Rome?" I asked. - -"I do." - -"Do you work for a living?" - -"I am a sculptor." - -"I have often thought that I should like to see a sculptor. Sit down -till I get you framed and hung in my portrait-gallery." - -"I must go," said he. "Perhaps you will do me the honor to call." - -I agreed to do so, just to show that I entertained no grudge, and with -that he left me. - -Before going to bed that night I cabled to my secretary as follows: - -"Ship to me immediately four well-made American pitchforks, three tines -each." - -I said nothing to Betsey of the proposed duel, but broke the news that I -had met a great sculptor, and she wanted to see his studio, and next day -we called there. Mrs. Mullet was sitting for a bust, in her dinner gown. -Before we had had time to recognize the lady the artist had introduced -her as the Madame Mullette, from Sioux City. - -"Isn't this an adorable place?" she asked in that lyrical tone which one -hears so often in the Italian capital. She pointed at busts of several -Americans standing on pedestals and awaiting delivery. - -"Look at the whiskers embalmed in marble!" Betsey exclaimed, as she -gazed at one of the busts. It had that familiar chin tuft of the -Zimmermann hay-seed and a dish collar and string tie. The face wore the -brave, defiant, me-against-the-world look that I had observed in -the statue of Titus, made after he had turned Palestine into a -slaughter-house. - -"Why, that is our old friend from Prairie du Chien who came over on the -_Toltec_," I said. "You remember the man who is studying the history of -the world, all about the life of the world, especially the life of the -ancients?" - -"Yes, indeed," said Betsey. - -"He is one lumber king, and one very rich man," the artist remarked. - -"You are spending some time here in Rome," I said to Mrs. Mullet. - -"Oh, I am devoted to the Eternal City!" she exclaimed, and how she loved -the sound of that musty old phrase "Eternal City"! She added, "I have -been here four times, and I love every inch of it." - -The sculptor resumed his work with a new sitter, while Mrs. Mullet went -with us from end to end of the great studio and whispered at the first -opportunity: - -"De Langueville is a wonderful man; he is a baron in his own country. If -you want a bust he will let you pay for it in instalments. Five hundred -dollars down and the remainder within three years." - -The hectic flush of art for Heaven's sake was in her face. - -"A bust is a good thing," I said. "I have often dreamed of having one. -There are times when I feel as if I couldn't live without it. If I had a -bust where I could look at it every day I suppose it would take some of -the conceit out of me. When I had stood it as long as possible I could -tie a rope around its neck and use it for an anchor on my rowboat." - -"Perhaps it would scare the fish," said Betsey. - -"In that case I could use it to hold down the pork in the brine of the -family barrel," I suggested. - -"Oh, I think that you would sculp beautifully," said Mrs. Mullet, in -a tone of encouragement, as she looked at my head. Then, by way of -changing the subject, she added, "I believe that Colonel Wilton is a -friend of yours." - -"Colonel Wilton!" I said, puzzling over the name with its new title. -Even the American gentlemen enjoy titles. - -"Don't you remember meeting us in Saint Paul's? And didn't you trade -hats and coats with him in New York?" - -"No, he traded with me," I said. "I know him like a book." - -"Is he not a friend of yours?" - -"It would be truer to say that I am a friend of his." - -I was on dangerous ground and thinking hard through all this. - -"But he knows Mr. Norris very well. I believe they are great friends." - -"You may believe it, but I don't," I answered, rather gravely. - -I had to decide what to do, and quickly. I had not forgotten my promise -to let Muggs alone, and it was of course the safer thing to do--just to -let him alone. But he had gone too far in expecting me to furnish him a -character. - -Mrs. Mullet began to change color, and that led me to ask: - -"Is Wilton a friend of yours?" - -"We are engaged," said she. - -"Good heavens!" I exclaimed. - -I had heard that Mrs. Mullet had money, and she was good game for the -neat Mr. Wilton. Now I could see his reason for letting us alone in -Italy, where he was four thousand miles from danger. I saw, too, that I -must take a course which would inevitably expose us to more trouble, for -I could not permit this simple woman to be wronged. - -"Don't give him the source of your information," I said. "I want to speak -kindly, and so I shall only say that he's a fugitive from justice. The -name Wilton is assumed." - -Mrs. Mullet fell into a chair and seemed to find it hard work to -breathe. Betsey put her smelling-salts under the lady's nose. She -quickly regained her self-possession and rose and said, in a trembling -voice: - -"Thank you! I am going home." - -She left, and again we paid our compliments to the artist, who politely -left his work to speak with us. He asked me for information regarding -certain Americans who owed him for busts. An actress had had herself -put, life-size and nude, into white marble, and after making her first -payment was maintaining a discreet silence in some part of the world -unknown to the artist. - -"How coy!" Betsey exclaimed as she looked at the marble figure. - -A Brooklyn woman and her two daughters had sat for busts and then had -weakened on the general proposition and abandoned the country when they -were half finished. I made haste to depart for fear that he might wish -to engage me as collector for his bust factory. - -Just beyond the door we met a young man who had come over on the boat -with us, and stopped for a word with him. I was telling him that I was -going to see the Pantheon that afternoon, when Muggs greeted me. - -"It's a wonderful ruin," he remarked with a smile. - -I made no answer, and he entered the studio, probably to meet Mrs. -Mullet. He would get his dismissal soon. Then what? - - - - -IX.--A MODERN AMERICAN MARRYER ENTERS THE SCENE - - I HAVE read that there are no fairies in Italy, but I know better. -Italy is full of them, and they are the most light-footed, friendly, -impartial, democratic fairies in the world. They are liable to make -friends with anybody. Like many Italians, they seem to live mostly on -the foreign population. A number of them adopted me for a residence. -Sometimes, when they were playful, they made me feel like a winter -resort. They used to enjoy tobogganing down the slopes of my shoulders -and digging their toes in the snow; they held games here and there on my -person, which seemed to be well attended. I got a glimpse of one of them -now and then, and we became acquainted with each other; and, while he -was very shy, I am sure that he knew and liked me. I called him Oberon. -He and his kin did me a great service, for they taught me why people -move their arms and shrug their shoulders so much in Italy. Then, too, I -always had company wherever I happened to be. - -So when Betsey and the Norris ladies implored me to go with them to Mrs. -Dorsey's palace and hear a prince lecture, I reported that I was engaged -to play with the fairies, whereupon they concluded that I wanted the -time for meditation and left me out of their plans. So it happened that -I was, fortunately, alone with Norris when Forbes arrived, a full day -ahead of his schedule. - -The boy and I went out for a walk together. Before sailing he had spent -two weeks coaching the ball-team of his college and was in fine form. -His kindly blue eyes glowed with vitality and his skin was browned by -the sunlight. As I looked at that tall, straight column of bone and -muscle, with its broad shoulders and handsome head, I could not help -saying: "If you were standing on a pedestal here in Rome there'd be a -lot of gals in the gallery." - -"Before you say things like that you should teach me how to answer them -with wit and modesty," he said. - -"Keep your eye on me and you'll learn all the arts of modesty," I -assured him. "And especially you will learn how to disarm suspicion when -you are accused of wit." - -In a shaded walk of the Pincio Gardens he asked, "Is Gwendolyn looking -well?" - -"She's more beautiful than ever, and very well," I said. "She will be -disappointed when she finds you here." - -He stopped and faced me with a look of surprise, and asked: - -"Do you think so?" - -"I am sure of it, because she had planned to meet you with proper -ceremony at the station and take you off to a real Roman luncheon. I -am glad that you have come, for I have worked hard as your attorney and -need a rest. I have had some fun with it, but I am delighted to turn the -case over to you." - -He did not need a chart to understand me, for he said: - -"You must tell me what progress you have made with it." - -"Well, I suppose you have read of the Count Carola." - -"Yes, and so has every one who knows Gwendolyn." - -"He is the plaintiff who seeks to establish the claim that he is -a better man than you are. My defense has been so able that he -has challenged me, and I have named the weapons; they are to be -pitchforks--American pitchforks." - -Forbes laughed and remarked: - -"You must take him for a bunch of hay." - -"June grass!" I answered. "We'll need some one to rake after, as we used -to say on the farm, and I may ask you to be my second." - -"Does the count amount to much?" - -"Not much; I have had him added up and his total properly audited." - -"How are the judge and jury?" - -"The judge is in our favor; the jury is in doubt. Gwendolyn insists that -you don't want to marry any one at present." - -"I want to, but I probably shall not," he answered. "When I marry I want -to have done something besides having just lived. It seems as if it were -due my wife. Besides, when I get married I want to stay married; I don't -want any girl to marry _me_ and give her heart to some other fellow. She -must have time to be sure of one thing--that I am the right man. That -cannot be proven with passionate vows or bouquets or guitar music, but -only by sufficient acquaintance. On the other hand, I'd like to know, or -think I know, that she is the right girl. If Gwendolyn really wants to -marry a count it would be silly for me to try to convince her that I -am the better fellow. She must see that for herself. If she doesn't, -I should assume that she was right. God knows that I'm not so stuck on -myself as to question her judgment. I'm very fond of her, but I have -never let her suspect it." - -"If I were you I'd begin to arouse her suspicions." - -"That I propose to do, but delicately and without any guitar music. Love -is a very sacred thing to me." - -"And the man who talks much about his love generally hasn't any," I -suggested. - -"At least, if he has any love in him the cheapest way of showing it is -by talk and song." - -"It's so awful easy to make words lie," I agreed. - -"If she wants me to enter a lying-match with these Romeos I'll agree, -but only on condition that it's a lying-match--that we're only playing a -game. I won't try to deceive her. Women are not fools or playthings any -longer, are they? - -"Generally not, if they're born in America," I agreed. - -Here was the modem American lover, and I must acknowledge that I fell in -love with him. He stood for honest loving--a new type of chivalry--and -against the lying, romantic twaddle which had come down from the feudal -world. That kind of thing had been a proper accessory of courts and -concubines. It would not do for America. - -"I see that I am putting the case in good hands. Go in and win it," I -said. - -"I'll make it my business while I'm here," said he. - -"You're a born business man. I know it's fashionable to hate the word -'business,' but I like it. In love it looks for dividends of happiness." - -"And I've observed that a home has got to pay or go out of business," -said he. "If Gwendolyn would put up with me I believe we could stand -together to the end of the game." - -"I have some reason for saying that she is very fond of you," I -declared. - -"I wouldn't dare ask you to explain, but you tempt me," he said. - -"A good-attorney never tells all he knows unless he is writing a book," -I answered. - -We had come to the Spanish Stairs, where converging ways poured a thin, -noisy fall of tourists and guide-books into the street below. I had seen -the Stairs in my youth. - - And I thought how many thousands - - Of awe-encumbered men, - - Each bearing his Hare and Baedeker, - - Had passed the Stairs since then. - -We made our way through crowded thoroughfares to the Pantheon and were -in the thicket of vast columns when some one touched my arm. Who was -this man with a blue monocle over his right eye, whose look was so -familiar? Ah, to be sure, it was Muggs. - -[Illustration: 0133] - -Again his mustache had disappeared, as had my hat and coat and the old -suit of clothes, and how that blue monocle and the new attire and the -smooth upper lip had changed the whole effect of Muggs! Evidently the -man was prosperous and entering a new career. How does it happen that he -has come in my way again, I asked myself, and then I remembered that he -knew that I was to be there. What was I to expect now?--violence or---- - -He smiled. - -"Charming day, isn't it?" he said, in his most agreeable tone. - -He had neatly and deliberately removed his monocle as he spoke. - -"Very! I suppose that stained-glass window of yours is a memorial to -Wilton?" - -He only smiled. - -"As a European you're a great success," I went on. - -"Beginning a new life from the ground up," said he, and added, with a -glance at the great bronze doors, "Isn't this a wonderful place?" - -"Yes, it was intended for a mammoth safe where reputations could be -stored and embellished and kept, but it didn't work." - -"They cracked it and got away with the reputations," said he, with a -smile. - -"Exactly! In my opinion every man should have his own private pantheon, -and see that his reputation is as strong as the safe. It's the -discrepancy that's dangerous. People won't allow a reputation to stay -where it does not belong." - -He stepped closer and said, in a confidential tone, "I'm trying to -improve mine, and I wish you would help me." - -"How?" - -"Come to a little dinner that I am giving and say a good word for me -when you can." - -"Are you trying to marry Mrs. Mullet?" - -"Yes, I've fallen in love, and, as God's my witness, I'm living honest." - -"Muggs, I'll help you to get a reputation, but I won't help you to get a -wife," I said. "You must get the reputation first, and it will take you -a long time. You'll have to try to pay back the money you've taken and -keep it up long enough to prove your good faith." - -Muggs's plan was quite apparent. He wanted an all-around treaty of -peace. He was still levying blackmail; the thing he demanded was not -cash, but a character. - -"That's exactly what I hope to do," he explained. "I shall have all kinds -of money, and I propose to square every account." - -"That's all right, provided Mrs. Mullet knows the whole plan and is -willing to undertake the responsibility." - -He looked into my eyes, and said clearly in his smile: "You're the worst -ass of a lawyer that I ever saw in my life. I've tried to be decent, and -you've wiped your boots on me. Wait and see what happens now." - -All that seemed to be in his smile, but not a word of it passed his -lips. He neatly adjusted the blue monocle and lifted his hat and said -"Good afternoon," and walked away. - -I, too, had my smile, for I could not help thinking how this biter was -being bitten, and how his old friends, the ghosts of the past, were now -bearing down upon _him_. - -We tramped to St. Peters, where squads of tourists seemed to be reading -prayers out of red prayer-books and where a learned judge from Seattle, -who had lost his pocket-book in a crowd near the statue of St. Peter, -was delivering impassioned and highly prejudiced views of church and -state to the members of his party. - -We lunched at Latour's, where a long and limber-looking blond lady, who -sat beside a Pomeranian poodle with a napkin tucked under his collar, -consumed six cups of coffee and a foot and a half of cigarettes while we -were eating. She was one of the most engaging ruins of the feudal world. -What a theme for an artist was in the painted face and the sign of -the dog! The head waiter told us that she was an American who had been -studying art in Italy for years. - -She ought to be mentioned in the guidebooks, I thought, as we were -leaving. - -We tramped miles to an old barracks of a building called the -Cancellaria, which, according to Baedeker, was clothed in "majestic -simplicity." - -"Baedeker is the Barnum of Europe," I said, as we went on, "but he is -generally more conservative." - -We arrived at the Grand Hotel a little before six. I went with Forbes -to the Norris's apartments. Gwendolyn opened the door for us and greeted -the young man with enthusiasm and led him to the parlor. Betsey was -there, and we went at once to our own room. - -"There's a new count in the game," she remarked, as soon as we had -sat down together--"the Count Raspagnetti, whom we met to-day at Mrs. -Dorsey's. He's the grandest thing in Rome--six feet tall, with a monocle -and a black beard, and is very good-looking. He's no down-at-the-heel -aristocrat, either; has quite a fortune and two palaces in good repair, -and has passed the guitar-and-balcony stage. He's about thirty-two, and -seems to be very nice and sensible. Mrs. Dorsey calls him the dearest -man in the world, and she has invited us to dinner to meet him again. -It was a dead set for Gwendolyn, and the child was deeply impressed. It -isn't surprising; these Italian men are most fascinating." - -"I suppose so," I said, wearily. "The countless counts of Italy are -getting on my nerves. Counts are a kind of bug that gets into the brains -of women and feeds there until their heads are as empty as a worm-eaten -chestnut." - -"Not at all," said Betsey; "but if she must have a title--" - -"She mustn't," I said. - -"You can't stop her." - -"That remains to be seen," was my answer. - -"Richard had better get a move on him," said Betsey. "He can't dally -along as you did." - -"Let him get his breath--he's only just landed." - -According to my custom I dined with Norris in his suite. Forbes went -with the ladies to the dining-room. - -"Aren't you about ready to go back?" I asked, as I thought of Muggs's -smile. - -"I should like to," he said, "but the girls are having the time of their -lives, and this air is making a new man of me. Then the young count -seems to have let go; he doesn't annoy us any more. I'm hoping that -Forbes will settle this count business." - -While we were eating a telegram was put in my hands which read as -follows: - -_I am stopping at the Bristol in Florence and must have your -professional advice immediately._ - -_I cannot go to Rome, so will you kindly come here._ - -_I am in serious trouble. If I am not at hotel look for me third -corridor of paintings, Uffizi Gallery. Please regard this as strictly -confidential. M. Mullet._ - -I answered that she should look for me the next day, and said to Norris: - -"I have to go to Florence to-morrow." - -"Take the car and your wife and the young people," said he. "The roads -are fine, and you'll enjoy it." - -I thanked him for the suggestion. - -"There's one other thing," said he. "If you think Forbes means business -tell him at the first opportunity that I am an ex-convict, and let me -know how he takes it. We must be fair to him." - -"Leave it to me." - -"We'll take them down to Naples with the motor-car soon," said Norris. -"Vesuvius is active again, and we must see her in eruption." He did not -suspect that another Vesuvius was beginning to quake beneath us, and I -did not have the heart to speak of it. I hoped that I could serve as a -shock-absorber in the new eruption and save him any worry. - - - - -X.--A DAY OF ADVENTURES WITH TUSCAN ARTISTS AND OTHERS - - NEXT morning I found Betsey and the young people eager for the trip to -Florence. Richard and I had breakfast together at eight-thirty. - -"There's a new count in the game," said he, as soon as we were seated -together. "He came to our table last evening. He's a grand chap and in -favor with the king, to whom he is going to present Gwendolyn and her -mother. He knows how to talk to women, and I don't. I shall not be in it -with him." - -"As to which is the best man it's her judgment, not yours, that's -important," I said. "So long as I am managing the case you must take -nothing for granted. Put her on the witness-stand, and let's know -what she has to say about it. Before that I must tell ye something--in -confidence. Norris is about the best fellow that I ever knew, but he got -into trouble when he was a boy. He was the victim of circumstances and -went to prison--served a year." - -"I heard of that long ago," said Forbes. - -"What!" I exclaimed, in astonishment. - -"Nobody cares anything about that. Everybody knows that he's a good man -now--that is enough in America." - -"Do many know it?" - -"Probably not. I have heard that even Gwendolyn and her mother do not -know it." - -It surprised and in a way it pleased me to learn that I had told him -what he already knew. I remembered that he had said, in his walk with -me, that the distinguished editor who had got the tragic story from -my lips was an uncle of his. So, after all, it was not strange that he -should know. - -"I presume that he had a wild youth, but he's a good man," Forbes added. - -That was all we said about it. - -Our drive, which began at midday, took us through the loveliest -vineyards in Italy. I shall never forget the vivid-green valley of the -Arno as it looked that day. Lace-like vines spreading over the cresset -tops of the olives and between them and filling the air with color; -stately poplar rows and dark spires of cypress; distant purple mountain -walls and white palaces on misty heights--they were some of the items. -Here in these vineyards, and in others like them, are about the best -tillers in the world--a simple, honest, beauty-loving people who are the -soul of Italy, and, in the main, no country has a better asset. - -On the road we met the Litchmans, of Chicago, touring with their -yelling-machine and a special car trailing behind them filled with -clothes and millinery. - -That night we dined together and went to the opera. It was all Greek -to me, but it was great! They woke me at one, and we went home. Next -morning, having learned that Mrs. Mullet was not at her hotel, we all -proceeded to the vast Uffizi Gallery. Grand place! - -What a wonderful procession these people in marble and paint see every -day in the parade of weary pilgrims, in the moving mosaic of humanity. -What a Babel of tongues, all speaking Baedeker! I wonder if the gods, -emperors, and painted masterpieces fully appreciate this endless human -caravan. It is far more wonderful than they. Who are these people? Ask -any of them, and he will be apt to tell you that the rest are fools; -that almost every one of them is looking for conversational thunder -and--knockers! - -Some hurry. - -"Two more galleries to see, and the train goes at five," you hear one of -them saying. - -I was nearly bowled over and trampled upon by three German women who had -lost their party. - -Once these marble floors were almost exclusively the highway of -the highbrows. Now the sacred children of the imagination are being -introduced to a new crowd. Newness is its chief characteristic. Here -are the overgrown multitude of the newly rich, the truly rich, and -the untruly rich. Here are the newly married, the unmarried, the -over-married, and the slightly married, and the well-married from all -lands, some of them new recruits in the great army of art. - -We passed through the Hall of the Ancient Imperial Shoats into the long -corridor filled with statuary. - -"The old gods seem to have had desperate battles before they gave up," -Betsey said to me. "Most of them lost either an arm or a leg in the -war." - -"Many were beheaded and chucked into the garbage-barrels," I answered. -"The way Jupiter and Minerva were beaten up was a caution. It wasn't -right; it wasn't decent. They were a harmless, inoffensive lot; they -had never done anything to anybody. A lot of things were laid at their -doors, but nothing was ever proved against 'em. These days we know -enough to appreciate harmlessness." - -"They were very beautiful," said Betsey, "but they're a crippled lot -now." - -"Yes, most of them have artificial limbs," I answered. "All they do -now is to pose in vaudeville for the entertainment of humanity." As we -neared the room where I was to meet Mrs. Mullet we bade the young people -go their way and look for us at the door about twelve-thirty. - -We found the lady copying the portraits of our first parents. Her breast -began to heave in a storm of emotion as she looked at us. - -"Who are your friends?" I quickly asked, by way of diverting her -thought. - -"This is Adam and Eve," said she, almost tearfully. - -"I'm glad to see that they don't make company of us," Betsey declared. - -"They receive everybody in that same suit of clothes," I answered. "And -Eve's entertainment is so simple--apples right off the tree!" - -"I don't see but that they look just as aristocratic as they would if -they had sprung from poor but respectable parents," said Betsey. - -"Adam looks like a rather shiftless, good-natured young fellow, easily -led, but, on the whole, I like them both," was my answer. "They're frank -and open and aboveboard. If you're looking for your first ancestors and -must have them, I don't think you could do better. Certainly Mr. Darwin -has nothing to offer that compares with them." - -Betsey and I had our little dialogues about many objects in our way, and -now we had got Mrs. Mullet righted, so to speak, and on a firm working -basis. She showed us through the gallery. I remember that she was -particularly interested in the Botticelli paintings. - -Mrs. Mullet said that she adored the Madonna--a case of compound -adoration, for in its adoring group Botticelli succeeded in painting the -most inhuman piety that the world has seen. - -"Isn't that glorious?" Mrs. Mullet asked, as we stopped before his -Venus--a tall lady standing on half a cockle-shell, neatly poised on -breezy water. - -"She has crooked feet," said Betsey. - -"Well, I guess yours would be crooked if you had been to sea on a -cockle-shell," I said, which will prove to the learned reader that we -were about as ignorant of art as any in that hurrying crowd of misguided -people. - -"Oh, I think it's a wonderful thing! Look at the colors!" Mrs. Mullet -exclaimed. - -"But the toes are so long--they are rippling toes. Those on the right -foot look as if they had just finished a difficult run on the piano," -Betsey insisted. - -"She might be called the Long-toed Venus," I suggested. "But she isn't -to blame for that. I suppose she was born with that infirmity." - -So we crude and business-like Americans went on, as we flitted here and -there, sipping the honey from each flower of art. - -Twelve-thirty had arrived, and I suggested to Betsey that she should -meet the young people and go with them wherever they pleased, and that -they could find me at the hotel at four. She left us, and I asked Mrs. -Mullet what I could do for her. - -"I'm in perfectly awful trouble," she sighed, with rising tears. - -"Tell me all about it," I said. "But please do not weep, or people will -wonder what this cruel old man has been doing to you." - -"That man insisted that I should have my bust made and my portrait -painted and agreed to pay for them, but now of course I shall have to -pay for them myself. He has threatened to sue me for a hundred thousand -dollars for breach of promise. It will take more than half my property." - -"Don't worry about the suit," I said. "I'll agree to save you any cost -in that matter. As to the bust, you can use it for a milestone in your -history. The painting will show you how you looked when you were--not as -wise as you are now. You can look at it and take warning." - -"I couldn't bear to look at them. I feel as if I never wanted to see -myself again. I have written to everybody at home about this engagement. -It's just perfectly dreadful!" Again she was near breaking down. - -"You ought to be glad--not sorrowful," I said. "That man can't even play -a guitar. If he had a title or a fortune we wouldn't mind his being a -scamp, but he hasn't. He hasn't even a coat of arms." - -"There! I'm not going to cry, after all," she declared, as she wiped her -eyes. "I'm glad you've kept me from breaking down." - -"I wonder that you didn't wait until you knew him better before making -this engagement," I said. - -"But he was so gentlemanly and nice," she went on; "and Mr. Pike, the -lumber king from Michigan, introduced him to me and said that he had -known him a long time. Then the colonel is acquainted with counts and -barons and other grand people. He claimed to be an old friend of yours -and of Mr. Norris. He said that the last time he called on you he went -away with your hat by mistake, and showed me your initials in the one he -wore." - -"He often associates with property of a questionable character, but I -was not aware that he had got in with the counts and barons," I said. - -"He knows the Count Carola very well," she declared. - -"Leave them to each other--they deserve it," I said. "Return to Rome and -refer Wilton to me, and refuse to have anything more to do with him." - -She asked for my bill, but I assured her that dollars were too small -for such a service, and that I couldn't think of accepting anything less -than thanks in a case of that kind. - -I left her and got a bite to eat and went to our hotel at three-thirty. -Betsey was waiting for me at the door. She was pale and excited. - -"We've had a dreadful time," said she. "Gwendolyn and I had gone on -while Richard was paying our bill in a shop. Suddenly a young man came -and spoke to Gwendolyn. Richard saw it. In a second I heard a horrible -thump and saw the young Italian lying in the mud. He didn't try to get -up. Looked as if he was sleeping." - -"It's bad weather for Romeoing," I answered. "That count should have -waited till the streets were dry. Where are they?" - -"Gwendolyn is in the parlor. Richard said that we should look for him on -the road and took a fiacre and flew. The girl is frightened." - -Betsey brought her out, and we got into the car and sped away. - -"One more count!" I exclaimed, with a laugh. - -"One less count!" said Gwendolyn. "I'm sure he's dead." - -"Ladies have limited rights outside the house in Italy," I said. - -"I don't mind those silly men," said Gwendolyn. "I've been spoken to -like that a dozen times, but I hurry along and pretend that I do not -hear them." - -"That count will be careful after this," I suggested. - -"If he lives," said Gwendolyn. "I'm afraid that his head is cracked." - -"His head was cracked long ago," was my answer. - -"Uncle Soc," said Gwendolyn (she had begun to call me Uncle Soc there in -Italy), "Richard and Italy could never get along together." - -"Richard, Gwendolyn, and America are a better combination," I suggested. - -"What a pretty thought!" she exclaimed, just as we overtook the young -man about a mile out on the highway to Rome. - -"Get in here and behave yourself," I said. "You've had exercise enough." - -"I could stand more, if necessary," he answered, with a laugh, as he sat -down with us. - -That ride to Rome was one of the merriest, in my life. For the young -people it had been a day of joy and progress, but on the whole it hadn't -been a highly creditable day. So let's drop the curtain right here and -let it go into history. - - - - -XI.--IN WHICH WE GET INTO THE FLASH AND GLITTER OF HIGH LIFE - - NEXT evening Betsey and I went to dinner with Mrs. Moses Fraley, of -Terre Haute, at a fashionable hotel. There we saw a show-window in one -of the greatest matrimonial department stores in Europe. Buyers and -sellers and bought and sold were there in full force to inspect the -bargains, and we were able to note reliably the undertone of the market; -and our observations had some effect, I believe, on the fortunes of Miss -Norris. - -Nothing was said of "the count" in our invitation, but we hoped to -have at least a look at him. We put on our best clothes, and our plain, -agricultural natures were well disguised when the impressive head porter -at our destination helped us out of Norris's car and almost touched his -forehead on the pavement at sight of us. That bow was easily worth a -two-franc piece, and he got it. - -"The Yank and his franc are easily parted," Betsey remarked, as we -entered the great whirling door. - -We were in the game, and I was firmly resolved to keep pace with -our compatriots from Terre Haute for one evening, anyhow. Two more -double-franc pieces in the coat-room established my reputation. With -a good suit of clothes and the sudden expenditure of two dollars and a -half you can acquire a reputation in any European hotel. Reputations -are the cheapest things in Europe, but the costs for upkeep are -considerable. Every young man in the place was trying to do something -for us and I began to feel the rich, blue blood in my veins. - -Mrs. Fraley and her niece, in long trains, received and presented us to -their guests. Among them was the lady from Flint who had got the cramp -in her leg at Hadrian's Villa, and who lived at the same boarding-house -with Mrs. Fraley. Her name was Sampf--"Mrs. Sampf," they called her. I -always have to go to my note-book when I try to think of that name. We -always refer to her as the lady whose name sounded like boiling mush. -There were also a sad but handsome young woman of the name of Rantone, -a Minnesota girl who had married an Italian doctor; Mr. Pike, the -whiskered lumber king who was studying the history of the world and -whose bust we had surveyed in the studio of De Langueville, and a -certain young man connected with one of the embassies. - -"The count couldn't come," said Mrs. Fraley. "He wrote that nothing -would please him more than to meet Mr. and Mrs. Socrates Pot ter, but -that he was, unfortunately, quite ill." - -I did not know until then that these good people had come to meet us. - -"Perhaps you'll help us to appraise our loss by giving me his name," I -suggested. - -"Oh, it is the wonderful Count Carola!" said she. "He is about the most -fascinating creature that I ever saw." - -My brain reeled and fell at her feet and called silently for help. In -half a second it had picked itself up again. - -We went into the dining-room. What a fair of jewels and laces and -fresh-cut flowers! At eleven o'clock they were going to have a -dance--kind of a surprise party! They called it The Ball of the Roses. -Our table had a big crop of red and white roses, and in the middle of it -was a little fountain among ferns. Its spray fell with a pleasant sound -upon water-lilies in a big, mossy bowl. - -The retired lumber king sat opposite me, and a retired frog sat between -us on a lily-pad at the edge of the fountain-bowl. He was a goodsized -real frog who was planning to return to active life, I judged, for he -sat with alert eyes as if on the lookout for a business opportunity. I -observed that he looked hopefully at me when I sat down at the right of -Mrs. Fraley, with Mrs. Sampf at my side, as if willing to abandon the -frivolous life any minute if I could suggest an opening for an energetic -young frog. Mrs. Fraley explained that the frog was tied to the edge of -the bowl by a silk thread which was fastened about his neck. I ceased -then to fear and suspect him. - -I could not help thinking how much good Terre Haute money had gone into -these decorations, and we should have been just as well pleased without -the frog and the fountain. - -Here we are at last right in the midst of things--grandeur! high life! -nobility! abdominal hills and valleys! fair slopes of rolling, open -country with their stones imbedded in gold and platinum! toes twinging -with gout! faces with the utohel look on them! - -What a pantheon of rococo deities was this dining-room--princes and -princesses, counts and discounts, countesses and marquises, Wall Street -millionaires and millionheiresses, and average American wives and widows -with friends and dining-men. What is a dining-man? He's a professional -diner-out. He has only to look aristocratic and speak Italian--or -English with a Fifth-Avenue accent--and be able to recognize the people -worth while. A fat old English duchess with a staff in her hand and the -royal purple in her hair made her way to her table with the walk of an -apple-woman. There was no nonsense about her, no illusions, no clinging -to a vanished youth. She was a real woman, and I could have kissed the -hem of her garments for joy. - -A lady sat at one of the tables who suggested the chloride of nitrogen, -being so fat and fetched in at the waist that her shoulders heaved at -every breath, and one could not look at her without fearing that she -would explode and fill the air with hooks and eyes and buttons. - -A large, swell-front, fully furnished Pennsylvania widow sat near us -with her young daughter and a marquis and a well-earned reputation for -great wealth. It seemed to be a busy, popular, agreeable reputation, -with many acquaintances in the room. The widow's costume pleaded for -observation and secured it, for she sat serene and prodigious in jeweled -fat and satin, dripping pearls and emeralds and diamonds. There was -a battlement of diamonds on her brow and a cinch of them on her neck, -surrounded by a stone wall of pearls as big as the marbles that I used -to play with as a boy. Hanging from her ears were two mammoth pearls, -either of which in a sling might have slain Goliath. Her shoulders -glowed with gems, and a stomacher of diamonds adorned her intemperate -zone. What a fresco of American abundance she made in the remarkable -decorations of that room. By and by she drew a wallet from her breast -and paid her bill. - -"How wonderful!" our hostess exclaimed, suddenly. - -A princess in red slippers and with no stockings on her feet, as Mrs. -Fraley informed me, strode in with her young man and took a table near -us. She had been a Wisconsin girl, and her happy Fifth Avenue dialect -rose like the spray of a fountain and fell lightly on our ears. - -"We had a sockless statesman in our country, but I never heard of a -sockless princess before," Mrs. Sampf sputtered. "They tell me that some -of these aristocrats are very poor." - -Mrs. Sampf had been to Egypt and the Holy Land, and talked freely of her -travels. - -"Yes, we went up the Nile to see the dam," she said. "It's a good dam, I -guess, but I didn't care much for it. What I wanted to see was the life. -The folks are awful dirty; I wanted to take a scrubbing-brush and some -Pearline and go at 'em." - -"A few American women with scrubbing-brushes would improve the Egyptian -race," I suggested. "How about the food?" - -"Heavens! I've et everything there is going, I guess; it would take -you a month to learn the names of the vittles. I've got 'em all in my -diary." - -"I suppose you enjoyed the ruins," I said. - -And she went on: - -"I saw a bull temple; it was very nice. You know, they used to worship -bulls. I don't know what for. They must have been hard up for something -to worship. There was five of us traveling on our own hooks. We saw one -temple that was quite nicely carved--had crows and goats on it. I love -goats. Sometimes I think that I must have been a goat in some previous -life." - -I disagreed with her. - -"The pyramids were curious things," she continued. "Some folks never -slid down into 'em at all after traveling all that distance, but -I slid. Since I was a child I have always loved sliding. The most -interesting thing I saw was three baby camels and some Highland soldiers -in Jerusalem with no pants on and funny little skirts that came down -to their knees," she continued. "In the Holy Land I saw a lot of men in -skirts with baggy pants reaching from their knees down." - -She was apparently much interested in the subject of pants, and hurried -on: - -"I found a wonderful old knocker there. By the way, I'm making a -collection of knockers. Have you seen any good ones here in Rome?" - -"Not a knocker! But I haven't been looking for them." And I added, "I -wonder some one doesn't make a collection of pants--pants of every age -and clime." - -"What kind of pants did the ancient Romans wear?" she asked. - -"The same as Adam--the style hadn't changed in ages." - -This woman had got a knocker in Jerusalem, and seen some baby camels -and a number of pantless men; she had seen a bull temple and slid into -a pyramid in Egypt; she had "et vittles" everywhere, and suffered from -cramp in sundry places, and languished in a hot, stuffy state-room with -a quarrelsome lady from Connecticut, all for sixteen hundred dollars -and four months of time. Yet far more than half of the great caravan of -American tourists invading Europe and the East get no more than she did. -The poetry and beauty of the Old World and the money of the New are thus -wasted on each other. - -"America is a pretty good country," I suggested. "There are buildings -in New York as wonderful as any you will see here, and our scenery is -excellent." - -"But we have no ruins," said Mrs. Fraley. - -"On the contrary, we have the grandest ruins in the world," I insisted. -"We have the ruins of slavery and of the old error of unequal, rights; -there all our feudal inheritance has been turned into ruins. Even that -everlasting lake of fire, which is still needed in Europe, is with us -a cold and mossy ruin. Nothing in it but garbage these days. We have -physical ruins, too, and very ancient ones, but we are a working -community, not a show. In our structures, like the Pennsylvania Station, -is the sublimity of hope and promise, not the sublimity of death and -decay." - -My friends looked at me with surprise. They had heard only the lyrical -chorus of their countrymen accompanied by the jingle of francs. - -"You're right," said the lumber king. "I thought that I'd try to live -here a few years because I can't find enough playmates in America; every -one is busy there. So I thought I'd come over here and study and fool -around. It's done me good." - -"Fooling around is better than nothing if done with energy and vigor," -I suggested. "A capable fool-arounder isn't worth much, but he can keep -his liver busy. Here they have professional fool-arounders with gold -letters on their caps to set the pace. It's all right for a while, but -you'll want to get back to the lumber business." - -"Maybe you're right, but Europe has done me a lot o' good," said Mr. -Pike. "The cure up at Kissingen fixed my stomach trouble. Cost like Sam -Hill, but it knocked it out." - -"What was the cure?" I asked. - -"Made me walk _ten_ miles a day, and take baths and give up pastry, and -go to bed at nine." - -"And you had to travel four thousand miles and give up a lot of good -American money to learn that?" I asked. "Old Doctor Common Sense, -assisted by a little will-power, would have done that for you without -charge right in your own home. Is it possible that the old doctor has -gone out of business in Prairie du Chien?" - -"He died long ago," said the lumber king. "We have to be led to water -like a horse these days." - -"We follow Cook in the trails of Baedeker instead of following the hired -man, and we value everything according to its cost," I answered. "But -it's good for the Yankee to travel in a pieless world." - -"Travel is such a wonderful thing!" exclaimed Mrs. Fraley, who preferred -to paddle in the heavenly gush-ways. "Don't you _love_ Italy?" - -I took off my mental shoes and stockings and began to paddle with her. - -"Grand country!" I splashed. - -Then she lay down in the stream and got wet all over as follows: - -"It's so wonderful! I love the churches and their music, and mosaics and -statues, and the palaces and the nobility," Mrs. Fraley chanted. "These -well-bred Italians look so aristocratic!" - -"And they act so aristocratic--nothing to do but eat and drink and sleep -and dance and get married!" was my answer. "We're rather careless about -those things in America. A real aristocrat always gets married very -carefully and so rescues himself from the curse of toil if need be. We -don't take any pains with our marrying. We marry in the most offhand, -reckless fashion just to gratify our emotions." - -"We forget that a dollar married is better than two dollars earned," -said Betsey. - -"And isn't soiled by perspiration," I said. "In this room are some of -the shrewdest marryers in the world--men who by careful attention to -the business have amassed fortunes. Here, too, are some of the most -promising young marryers in Italy. They are sure to make their mark." - -"Indeed! You must tell me of them," said the good soul. - -"I shall tell you of one only--not now but before I leave you," I -answered. - -There was a high, moral purpose back of this remark, but it seemed to -get me into trouble, for I had no sooner finished it than the frog gave -a swift leap, broke his halter, and landed on me. I suppose that he -was an Italian frog. Possibly he had only slipped his halter--I never -learned the precise facts. Anyhow, he had got on the edge of the bowl -unobserved, and picked out a partner. He could not have chosen a worse -place to land, for he struck my shirt with a noisy thud just under my -necktie, and bounded into a dish of French dressing and out of it. I saw -him bracing, and was about to seize him when he fetched a leap that took -him over the head of the lumber king. The frog landed with a wet thump -on the bare back of the sockless princess--who sat close behind Mr. -Pike--and tumbled into her train. He was not much of a bareback-rider, -that's a sure thing. The princess gave a rebel yell and jumped to her -feet and in honest Wisconsin English wanted to know what in God's name -it was. The frog had got his toe-nails caught in some lace, and was -captured by a waiter. Ladies who had not spoken the American language in -years used it freely. - -The princess left the room with her friends and a quantity of French -dressing on her back. The diplomat looked at me and smiled and said: - -"The princess is in hard luck, and I can't help speaking of it. If a -meteor should fall into Italy it would land on the princess. Her husband -gets drunk now and then and beats her up. I believe that he has worn -out several canes on her person. I saw her once when she had been beaten -black and blue. She decided then to leave him." - -"But didn't?" I asked. - -"No; her husband made love to her again, and she couldn't resist him. -He's a great love-maker. Two or three times she has been on the point of -going back to her people, but hasn't. Poor thing! She's too proud to go -home and acknowledge the truth--that she has been a fool and her husband -a brute." - -I was now pretty well prepared for my next talk with Mrs. Norris. - -We left the dining-room, and I took Mrs. Fraley to a seat in the -corridor and told her of the knight-like temperament of the young Count -Carola, and of his high rank as a discoverer of wealth and beauty. - -She showed no surprise, but said: "We had heard that he was engaged to -Miss Norris, but the count says that the report is untrue. He has -not really asked my niece to marry him yet, but he calls her the most -beautiful woman he ever saw. Do you blame him?" - -"Not a bit, although your niece is the second girl to whom he has -awarded the first premium within three days. There may be others, but -that is going some." - -All this had no effect on the armor-clad, brain-proof lady to whom it -was addressed. - -"It's his natural chivalry," she said, as I rose to go. - -"And discovering the most beautiful woman in the world is his daily -habit," was my answer; and we bade each other good night. - -When Betsey and I were going home she gave me an account of her talk -with Mrs. Rantone. The young woman's father had been a successful -Minnesota grocer. The family came to Italy on a Cook's tour. The young -man fell in love with the grocer's daughter, and they met him everywhere -they went. He followed them to Minnesota, and the two were married -there. Mrs. Rantone had said that he was a fine man and an excellent -doctor, but that his friends would have nothing to do with her because -she was the daughter of a tradesman of moderate means. They had supposed -that every American who traveled abroad was rich, as indeed such -travelers ought to be. After living nearly eight years in Rome she -had only three Italian friends. She naturally felt that she was a -dead weight on the shoulders of her husband; that she could contribute -nothing to his success and she was most unhappy. - -"Are your parents still living in Minnesota?" Betsey asked. - -"They're all alone in the old home," said the poor expatriate. - -"They must miss you terribly." - -"Well, why did they bring me here?" was her pathetic answer. - -I could see that Betsey was recovering from the fascinations of the -marriage market. - -"The 'devil-_op_-ments' of this night should have some effect on the -price of Romeos," I remarked. - -"And the insanity of Juliets," said Betsey. "I'm going to spring this on -Gwen and her mother. But they won't believe it." - -When we arrived at our hotel its porter gave me a note from Norris which -said: - -"Please come to my room on receipt of this." - - - - -XII.--IN WHICH NORRIS TAKES HIS LIGHT FROM UNDER THE BUSHEL - - I FOUND Norris in bed, propped up with pillows and looking very pale. -His mother and nurse were with him; the ladies had gone out to dinner -with Forbes and would spend an hour or so at the ball. - -"I had a bad turn at ten o'clock," said Norris, "but the doctor came -and patched me up, and has gone out for a walk. Mother, will you and the -nurse go into the other room until I call you? I want to talk with Mr. -Potter." - -Mrs. Norris, the elder, was a slim, tender little woman, with a flavor -of the old-time Yankee folks in her customs and conversation. When she -was not doing something for her "boy," as she called him, I often found -her sitting in her rocking-chair by the window with her fancy-work or -her Bible. Once when I sat waiting to see Norris, while he was napping, -she sang "The Old, Old Story" in a low voice as she rocked. - -Before leaving the room that night, when I had been summoned to his -bedside, she went to his bed and leaned over him and looked thoughtfully -into his face. Then she gently touched it with her hand. - -"How is my boy feeling now?" she asked. - -"Oh, I'm better, mother," he answered, cheerfully. - -"You look more and more like your father," she said, standing by the -bed, with her hands on her hips, reluctant to leave him. - -"I wish I were as good a man as my father," said Norris. - -"Your father! He is one of the saints of heaven," she answered. - -Then she turned away and went through the door which the nurse had left -open in her departure. - -"I am glad that you heard her say that," said Norris. "It will help -you to understand my father. I remember hearing a man say once that my -father would go to Hades for a friend. Of course that overdrew it, but -he was a most generous man, and what a woman my mother is! I often wake -in the night and find her looking down at me, and she's up at daylight -every morning. Wherever she is there's a home--something not made with -hands, and it is very dear to me." - -"The old, old sort--there's not many of them left," I said. - -"Now, for the new sort," he whispered, as he drew a letter from his -breast pocket and passed it to me. - -It was from the young Count Carola, and I was not in the least surprised -by this message in English which, with all its impurity, was better than -the count knew: - -It has become possible for me to render you a service, and I am glad to -do the same, knowing that you are one of nature's noblemen. As you know, -my income is not large, and I sometimes write articles for a newspaper -here in Rome and for another in Naples, being fond of literature and -politics. To-day a man asked me to read a story which they had and -translate it into the Italian language. I found that it was an account -of your career and told of things which, if they were published, would -injure you and your family. I could not believe them, knowing, as I do, -that you are the soul of honor. I told the man that it was false, and -that he had better not publish it. After some arguments he gave up all -idea of publishing the story, and gave it over to me. I was glad to do -what I did, because I love you and the dear madame and your beautiful -daughter, Miss Gwendolyn. - -It would not be consistent with the honesty of a gentleman of my -standing to take anything from a friend for such a favor, and I ask you -to offer me no reward but your friendship. So please do not think of it -again. But may I not hope that you will let me try to win your heart. -Mine is an ancient name and family, and every member of it has lived -honest to this day. I would like to go to America and go to work in -some business. I am tired of living idle and would be thankful for your -advice. I am also very much worried, and I speak of it with regrets. I -hear that Mrs. Norris is favorable to the Count Raspagnetti. You would -not, I am sure, permission your daughter to marry him without securing -information about his character, which you can accomplish it so easily -here in Rome. - -I made light of the whole matter to save him worry, but what I saw in it -was a conspiracy between Muggs and the count; Muggs had dictated most -of the letter. The thumb-print of Muggs was unmistakable. "Nature's -nobleman," "the soul of honor," "a gentleman of my standing," "lived -honest!" Who but the nugiferous Muggs, with his cheap, learned-by-rote -polish, would express himself in that fashion? Any one who had known -Muggs for an hour would see his hand in this letter. There were his -stock phrases and that peculiar adverbial weakness of his. Who but Muggs -could have written that sentence calculated to answer Norris's chief -objection to such a man--idleness? He had delivered the whip into the -hands of the count, but was holding the reins. The business part of the -thing being over, Muggs had let him finish the letter in his own way. - -"Who is the Count Raspagnetti?" Norris asked. - -"I do not know him." - -"A new candidate of whom I have not heard!" - -"And another discoverer of wealth and beauty," I said. "Refer him to me. -Above all, don't have any communication with the slim count." - -"Potter, you are a great friend," he said. "What the Count Carola wants -is to marry my daughter, and I shall not submit to it." His anger had -risen as he spoke. He whispered his determination with a clenched fist. - -"At last we have come to a parting of the ways," he went on. "I don't -know how I shall do it, but I'm going to confess my sins. We'll get the -family together, and I'll lay my heart bare. It's the only thing to do. -It will be hard on Gwendolyn, but not so hard as marrying a reprobate. -It will be hard on my wife, but there are things worse than disgrace." - -"I welcome you back to happiness and sanity," I said, giving him my -hand. - -"Do you think I have been crazy?" - -"Well, you haven't been right in your head on this subject, not quite -sane about it. You have reminded me of a woman I knew who threw her cat -out of a second-story window. The cat with open claws landed on top of -a bald-headed gentleman. Then she tumbled down a flight of stairs and -broke a clavicle and the nose of a man who was coming up. And what do -you think it was all about?" - -He smiled as he looked up at me and shook his head. - -"Nothing," I said. "She thought the house was afire when it wasn't. -If you stand up to this thing like a man you'll be surprised by what -happens and by the immensity of your former folly. Women are not -playthings. They are built to carry trouble. A good woman can walk off, -like a pack-horse, with a burden of trouble. You haven't been fair to -your women. You have treated them as if they were too good to be human. -It's a gross injustice." - -"Call my mother," said Norris, "and then go down and meet Gwendolyn -and Mary and bring them here. I'm going to make an end of this thing -to-night." - -"Please remember this--don't get excited, keep cool, and take it easy. -I'll stand by you." - -"Oh, I'm quite calm now that my mind is made up," said he. "If it kills -me I couldn't die in a better cause." - -I called his mother and went below stairs. As I waited I thought of the -new plan of Muggs. The count's letter clearly intimated that Norris -must be his friend or he would publish the facts. If he could force a -marriage he would share the financial end in some manner with Muggs. A -little after one o'clock the ladies arrived with Richard Forbes. I took -charge of Gwendolyn and her mother, and the boy bade us good night. - -We sat down together for a moment. - -"We had a wonderful time," said Gwendolyn. "All the aristocracy of Rome -was there." - -"Including the wonderful Count Raspagnetti," her mother added. "The -young Count Carola stood near as we got into our car. He is the most -pathetic thing!" - -"We must have nothing more to say to him," I said. "He has discovered -another most beautiful woman in the world in Miss Muriel Fraley, of -Terre Haute. He is one of the greatest beauty-finders that I have ever -seen. But we must have nothing more to say to him. He has resorted to -blackmail to achieve his purpose." - -"What do you mean?" asked Mrs. Norris. Before I could answer she -suddenly opened her heart to me. - -"So many things have happened and are happening which I cannot -understand," said she. "My husband has never taken me into his -confidence. I have long known that he was troubled about something. It -has always seemed to annoy him if I rapped ever so softly on the door -of his mystery. Now I do not dare to come near it for fear of making him -worse. You seem to know the man Wilton. Who is he? Why does he turn up -in Italy? I detest him, and I am sure that my husband does also." - -"Mr. Norris has had business relations with him, but they are now at an -end," I answered. - -"So I had hoped," said she. "But he called here to see my husband -yesterday. Of course he didn't succeed. The nurse gave Mr. Norris the -card, and his symptoms changed suddenly and were alarming. I am terribly -worried and nervous. I love my husband, and I've felt often that I -haven't been a good wife to him, but he would not let me." - -Her eyes had filled with tears. - -"Your unhappiness will end this night. Come with me to Whitfield's room. -He has something to tell you. He asked me to meet you here." - -"How strange!" said Mrs. Norris, as she rose with a frightened look. - -I led the way, and we proceeded in silence to the room where Norris lay. -His mother sat beside him on the bed. - -"Mary and Gwendolyn, come here," he said. - -He took a hand of each in his as they stood by his bedside. - -"Potter, I want you to stay with us and hear what I have to say," he -called to me. - -A little moment of silence followed in which his spirit seemed to be -breaking its fetters. - -"Mary, I have sinned against you," he said. "It was your right to know -long since what I have now to tell you. But I was a coward. I loved you -and feared to lose your love, and so I kept you from knowing the truth -about me. Then came Gwendolyn, and the lovelier she grew the more -cowardly I became. I hadn't the heart to tell either of you what I now -must tell, that I went to prison long ago for a crime. It was not a very -bad crime, but bad enough to disgrace you." - -In a flash the thought came to me that he was not going to tell the -whole' truth; he would protect his father's good name. - -Mrs. Norris put her arm about her husband's neck and kissed him -tenderly. "My love," said she, "I knew all that years ago, but for fear -of hurting you I've never spoken of it. Long, long ago I knew all about -your trouble." - -His mother rose from the bed where she had been calmly sitting with -bowed head and tearful eyes. - -"Not all," said she. "You do not know that he took my husband's sin upon -him, and that all these years he has been suffering in silence for the -sake of another. I am sure there is no greater saint in heaven than this -man." - -"Oh, Whitfield! Why didn't you let me help you?" said his wife, as she -sank to her knees beside him. - -The scene had suddenly become too sacred for any words of mine. - -Not one of us spoke for a while, but there was something above all words -in the silence. It was feebly expressed at length in these of Norris, -and I like to recall them when I begin to feel a bit cynical: - -"I'm no saint. I'm just an average American businessman--very human, -very foolish! But there are many who would do more than I have done for -the love of a friend. My father was such a man." - -Gwendolyn came and kissed me when I bade them good night, and I drew her -aside and said to her: - -"With such men in America why are we looking for counts in Italy?" - -She made no answer, but I understood the little squeeze of gratitude -which my hand felt. - - - - -XIII.--IN WHICH I FIGHT A DUEL WITH ONE OF THE OLDEST WEAPONS IN THE -WORLD - - NEXT morning a note came to Betsey from Mrs. Norris saying that she and -Gwendolyn had decided to spend the whole day at home with their patient, -and would, therefore, be unable to ride out as they had planned to do. -She inclosed another letter of dog-like servility from the slim count -and asked me to see what I could do to suppress him. In this letter he -referred to me as a vulgar fellow who had disregarded his challenge. -This she did not understand, and rightly thought that I would know what -he meant. - -So I was reminded that the pitchforks and the time to use them had -arrived. I informed De Langueville of the fact. He invited me to call -at his studio at noon, and added that he hoped it would be convenient -to bring the forks with me. I sent Betsey out shopping and 'phoned for -Richard, and when he came to my room I met him with one of those weapons -in my hands. - -"I am ready for the stern arbitrament of the pitchfork," I said. "Will -you come with me?" - -"Certainly," said he. - -"Come on," I said, as I started with one of the forks in my hands. "I'm -going to get through with my haying to-day if possible." - -"Hadn't we better send the forks by messenger?" said Richard. - -"No, I'd rather carry them myself," I answered. "I don't want them to be -delayed or lost in transit." - -"They are not so elegant as swords or guns," he said, as he took one of -the forks. - -"They are more reputable," I assured him. - -We made our way into the crowded street and soon entered a drug shop to -buy some first-aid materials, and deposited our forks in a corner near -a small boy who sat on a stool devouring primes. He soon discovered a -better use for his prunes and amused himself by-impaling them on the -fork tines. When we were ready to go we gathered the fruit and gave it -back to the boy. - -I never had so much fun with a pitchfork in all my life. In fact, I -can think of no more promising field for the pitchfork than the city -of Rome. It is an exciting tool, and as an inspirer of reminiscence the -fork is even mightier than the sword or the pen. Mine rose above me -like a lightning-rod, and currents of thought began to play around the -burnished tines. I never dreamed that there were so many ex-farmers of -our own land in Italy. A number of them stopped us to indulge in stories -of the hay-field. We might have learned of many a busy and exciting day -on "the old farm," but time pressed and we sprang into a cab and soon -entered the studio of the sculptor with the forks in our hands. - -"Here we are," I said, as De Langueville opened the door. - -To my painful surprise, the young count was there. He was looking at -a sword when we caught sight of him. He sheathed and laid it down on a -table and joined the sculptor, who had begun to examine the forks. The -end of each tine excited their interest. De Langueville felt them, and -then there was a little dialogue in Italian between him and his friend -which was not wholly lost upon me. - -"They use it to fight Indians," said the sculptor. - -"They are poisoned," said the count, as his eye detected some stains on -the steel which had been made by the prime-juice. - -"I think so," the other answered, and then, addressing me in English, he -asked: - -"Will you kindly name the day and hour?" - -"Here and now," was my answer. - -Another dialogue in Italian followed, and then De Langueville said to -me: - -"It is impossible. The count requests for more time." - -"I have no more time to waste on this little matter," I said. "If he -wishes to call it off--" But he didn't--no such luck for me! I had -talked too much. The count had taken exception to the words "call it -off." They must have sounded highly insulting, for he flew mad, as they -say in Connecticut, and stepped forward with a fine flourish and seized -one of the forks. "Call it off" was apparently the one thing which the -count could not stand, and I had meant to be careful. His rich Italian -blood mounted to his face. I began to like him better. - -"I will fight you here and at present if my friend the baron will give -to us the permission," he declared. - -"One moment," said the baron, as he hurried away. - -We sat in silence for five minutes or so when he returned with a -surgeon. - -I could not run now, and there were no trees to climb, although there -was an heroic figure of the New Italy with a kind of staging that rose -to her chin. There was also a long alley that was lined with busts and -statues. - -"It looks as if we are in for it," Forbes whispered. - -"I'm ready," I assured him. "A man who talks as much as I do ought to be -willing to fight, especially when there's no chance to run. I enjoy life -and safety as much as any one, but you can carry it too far." - -Forbes turned away and conferred with the sculptor, and placed us about -fifteen feet apart. - -"I will count three, and at the last number you will approach together -and fight," said De Langueville. - -The young count had no lack of courage, for I have since learned that -he regarded me as a kind of human cobra with poisoned fangs more than a -foot long. He was rather pale when we stood face to face. - -I am a man a little past fifty, and not so quick as when I was a boy, no -doubt, but I have always kept myself in good shape--tramped and chopped -wood and hoed beans enough to feed Boston for a month of Saturdays; so I -think that I am as strong as ever. I had no sanguinary designs upon the -count; I chiefly harbored preservative designs upon myself. I had got -into this trouble in a good cause, and my white feathers were carefully -dyed. Of course I couldn't acknowledge that a count was better than a -mister. - -So I faced the blue-blooded warrior as if he were a cock in a field -of good timothy, with rain-clouds in the sky. We stood with our forks -raised, and the six tines rang upon one another as soon as the word was -given. He was overwrought by his fear of poison, I suppose, and had not -the power of arm and shoulder that I had. We shoved and twisted, and -then he broke away and came on with little stabs at the air. Suddenly -I caught his tines in mine and wrenched the fork from his hands. Forbes -has said that I looked savage, and I believe him, for I was getting hot. - -[Illustration: 0193] - -"First blood!" I shouted, as I rushed toward him, intending to pick up -his fork and put it back in his hands. But he did not stop to learn my -intentions. "First blood!" meant murder to him. I had taken but a step -in his direction when he was in full flight. I didn't blame him a bit. I -would have fled; any one would have fled. That yell and the prune-juice -did it. - -"Hold on!" I shouted, with a fork in each hand, as I chased him a -hundred feet or more down a long aisle lined with the busts of grocers, -butchers, brokers, and lumber kings. The words "Hold on!" must have -sounded nasty, for he put on more steam. I did not mean to hurt him; I -only wished to take his hand and congratulate him on his speed. But I -couldn't go fast enough. Before I was half down the aisle he had got -to the end of it and jumped over the high shelf between the marble -presentments of the missing actress and the Michigan lumber dealer. I -knew better than to laugh--it was ill-bred--but I could not help it. Now -I could hear the feet of the count hurrying toward me. I ought to have -kept still. - -"We cannot fight with such weapons," said the baron; "it is barbarous." - -"If you will fight me with the sword I shall prove to you my grand -courage," said the young count, as he emerged, panting, from behind a -group of statues. - -"I need no further proof of your courage," I said, gently. "You act -brave enough to suit me." - -"Try me with the sword," he urged. "You are one coward; you are one -coward. You have attacka me when the weapon was not in my hand." - -Richard came forward coolly and put his hand on the count's arm. - -"You are wrong, and you ought to apologize," he said, firmly. - -The count turned upon him with a polite bow, and said: - -"Perhaps you will give me the satisfaction." - -"If you like, I'll take it up for him," said Forbes, with admirable -coolness. "He is older than you, and not accustomed to the sword." - -"Look here--I won't let you fight for me," I said. "These fellows are -used to the sword and pistol. They have nothing else to do and are -looking for a sure thing. Fight him with your fists--if he's bound to -fight again." - -"Him! That would be too sure a thing, I'm afraid," said Richard. "I've -practised this game of fencing at college and the Fencers' Club. I'm not -afraid of the count." - -I had observed that a number of swords had been lying on a table near -us. Before Richard's remark was finished the count had picked up one of -them and said to my friend: - -"Come--you are not fearful--like a lady. Give me one chance." - -Before anything more could be done or said the young men were at it, -and, to my great relief, I saw that Forbes was able to take care of -himself. The count was a clever swordsman, but my friend was stronger -and just as quick. - -It is about the prettiest survival of feudal times, this bloody game of -the sword. - -I observed that the clock in the studio indicated the moment of 12.18 -when the contest began. It lasted for an hour or more, as I thought, -when it ended with blood-flowing from the sword-arm of the count at -12.21. The count was satisfied and breathing heavily. Forbes was fresh -and strong. - -"It is enough," the slim count shouted, and the battle was over. - -"You play with the sword so skilful," the latter panted, as De -Langueville and the surgeon began to dress his wound. - -"All you need is a pair of lungs," said Forbes. "The pair you have may -do for sucking cigarettes, but not for fighting." - -"And I politely request that you do not use them again in making love to -Miss Norris," I said. "Hereafter I shall carry a fork with me, and any -man who follows us again will get it run into him. But now that you know -that they do not want to graft you on their family tree you will, of -course, annoy them no more. I expect you're a much better fellow than -you seem to be." - -"And they will permission her to marry Raspagnetti?" he demanded. - -"Why not?" was my query. - -"Well, he has been married already and has amuse himself by dragging his -wife around his palace by the hairs of her head." - -"It's a bad fashion," I said; "it wears out the carpets." - -He looked puzzled. - -"But it's an ancient diversion of the Romans," I went on, remembering -that panel in one of the galleries which portrayed the extraction of -the whiskers of a captive who was tied hand and foot--one of the basest -amusements I can think of. - -As we talked the surgeon was at work on the arm of the young man. - -"Let's go and get a bite to eat," Richard proposed, and we made our -escape. - -While we were eating he said: - -"Don't say anything of my part in this little scrap. I'm ashamed of it. -To draw blood from him is like taking candy from a child." At the hotel -Richard found a cable that summoned him to New York. Late that afternoon -Gwendolyn and her mother and Betsey went with him to the station where -he took a train for the north. I bade the boy good-by and said as I did -so: - -"Leave the case in my hands again." - -"It's hopeless!" said he. - -"Not exactly!" I answered. - -"She has turned me down." - -"Turned you down?" - -"Yes, I had a talk with her last evening." - -"You'll have to try it again some other evening," I said. - -"She doesn't want to marry any one. That's about the way she puts -it--but more politely. I told her that if she didn't want to be proposed -to again she'd better avoid me. I expect to convince her that she's -wrong." - -He left me, and I went to see Norris, who had sent word that he wished -to talk with me. - - - - -XIV.--MISS GWENDOLYN DEFINES HER POSITION - - I FOUND Norris looking better, and it's a sure thing that I was looking -worse. I felt weary--the natural reaction of all that deviltry! Exercise -with the pitchfork is all right under proper circumstances, but a man -near fifty years of age should use more care than I had done in the -choice of circumstances. - -"What's the matter?" was the query of Norris. - -"Been fightin'," I said, remembering how I had answered a similar -question of my father one day when I returned from school with a black -eye and my trousers torn. "They kep' pickin' on me." - -Then I told him the story of my quarrel with the slim count and its -climax. But I said nothing of Forbes's part in the matter. We laughed so -loudly that the nurse entered in a panic to see what was the matter. - -"Nothing's the matter except good health," I said. "We're both twenty -years younger than we were a short time ago, and if you know any remedy -for that go and throw it out of the window." - -She retired from the scene, and we went on with our talk. - -"You're about the most versatile lawyer that I ever knew," said he. -"Such devotion I did not deserve or expect. If there's any more fighting -to be done we'll hire a boy. For what you have done I say 'Thanks,' and -you know what I mean by that. Gosh t' Almighty! I'm going to get out of -bed, and we'll have some fun." - -"I'm beginning to long for the old sod!" I remarked. - -"So'm I. Let's go south for a little while and then home. It looks as if -we should have to take a count with us as a souvenir." - -"The Raspagnetti?" I asked. - -"The same," said he. "Read that." - -He drew from under his pillow a letter from the Count Raspagnetti, which -said: - -_I am sorry that you are sick, for I desire so much to talk with you and -tell you, I should say, how profoundly I am in love with your beautiful -and accomplished daughter. The esteemed Monsignor who bears this note, -and who is my friend and yours also, can tell you that I am worthy of -your confidence, although unworthy, so to speak, of such an adorable -creature as Miss Gwendolyn. But I feel in my heart that I cannot be -happy without her. I assure you that I would rather die than find it -impossible to make her my wife. So I hope that you will let me see you -soon, if your health should cherish the endurance, and permit me to -speak of such things to her._ - -I had scarcely finished reading it when Norris said: - -"The Monsignor, whom I had met in New York, and who is one of the most -courtly gentlemen you can imagine, came to see me this morning and -recommended the count without reserve as one of the first gentlemen of -Italy. I guess he's all right, and I agree with my wife that we will put -it up to Gwendolyn and let her do as she likes. If she must have a title -I presume she couldn't do better." - -I was about to suggest that she would need a special allowance for -hair-restorer, but restrained myself. I thought that I wouldn't say -anything disagreeable unless it should be necessary and also susceptible -of proof. - -"What does Gwendolyn think of him?" I asked. - -"I haven't said a word to Gwendolyn about him--yet. I'll have a talk -with her tomorrow or perhaps to-night. When I awoke this morning about -two o'clock Gwendolyn and her mother were standing by the bed. The girl -has taken the notion that she must do the nursing herself. I haven't -been fair to them. I guess it's up to me to let them do the marrying. -Mrs. Norris seems to like this man, and if Gwendolyn wants him I -shall fall in line. I'm not going to be a Czar even in the interest of -democracy." - -"It's the wisest possible course," I agreed. - -"I wish that you'd post yourself about the sailings," said he, as I left -him. - -I broke a Roman record that evening--went to bed at eight. In Rome the -day doesn't really begin until about that hour. At two o'clock people -are coming out of the cafs, and the blood of Italy is in full song. -Betsey complained that I yelled in my sleep, and I believed her. - -The voice of the nightingales awoke me just before daylight. What a -mellow-voiced chorus it is! A man has got to search his memory if he's -going to try to describe it. The softest tones of the flute are in that -song. It has an easy-flowing conversational lilt. It's a kind of -swift, tumbling brook of flute music. As the light grew a noisy band of -sparrows came on the scene. For a little while the soft phrases of -the nightingales were woven into the sparrows' chatter. They ceased -suddenly. I rose and dressed and went down into the little park outside -my windows just as the sun's light began to show in the sky. In a moment -I saw a young lady approaching in one of the garden paths. - -She waved to me and called, "Hello, Uncle Soc!" - -It was Gwendolyn. - -"Child! Why are you not in bed?" I asked. - -"I've worked at idleness so long and so hard that I'm taking a little -vacation," said she. "I sat all night with father. He couldn't sleep, -and we talked and talked, and then I read to him and he fell asleep half -an hour ago, and I came down for a breath of the morning air." - -"Don't get reckless with your holiday--all night is a rather long pull," -I suggested. - -"I enjoyed every minute. You see, I've never had a chance to do anything -for him. My father has always been so busy, and I away in school or -traveling with my mother or Mrs. Mushtop. I was never quite so happy as -I am now." - -"There's nothing so restful as honest toil," I said. "The fact is you've -been overworking in the past--struggling with luncheons, teas, dinners, -dressmakers, and dances, and getting through at midnight. It's too much -for any human being. If you could only go to work in a laundry or a -kitchen or a sick-room, how restful and soothing it would be!" - -"I understand you now, Uncle Soc," said she. "We must see that it pays. -Last night I was so well paid for my work! I discovered my father. The -night passed like magic and filled me with happiness. To-day life is -worth living. He told me of his boyhood, and I told him of my girlhood -and that I wanted to make it different. - -"'You must let me do the nursing,' I said. "'Why?' he asked. - -"'Because I love you,' I told him, and what do you think he said?" - -"My thinker got overheated and blew up the other day, and is undergoing -repairs," I answered. "So you'll have to tell me." - -"I shall remember it so long as I live," she went on, with tears in -her eyes, "for he said, 'I've found a daughter, and it's the best thing -that's happened to me since I found a wife.'" - -"My, what a night! You found the greatest luxury in the world, which is -work," I said. "Don't go to dissipating like a child with a can of jelly -and make yourself sick of it. Go easy. Be temperate." - -"Uncle Soc, you dear old thing!" she exclaimed. "I'm beginning to know -you better, too. I want you to tell me something. Father said that we -should be going home soon. Now, _what_ can I take to Richard? It must be -something very, very nice--something that he will be sure to like." - -"Why take anything to Richard?" I asked. "I refuse to tell you why," -she answered. "But please remember that I have not the slightest hope of -every marrying Richard." - -"You have lost your heart in Italy," I said. "But I was kind o' hoping -that you'd recover it." - -"I know that you and father have been worried about that, but you didn't -know me so well as you thought. I had heard much about these Italians, -and they are handsome men, and the Count Raspagnetti is a very grand -gentleman. I have been impressed, for I am as human as other girls, but -I cannot marry the count, and if he asks me I shall tell him so; and -I can do it with a clear conscience, for _I_ have given him no -encouragement." - -I made no answer, being unhorsed by this unexpected turn. - -"I do not propose to marry any one, and if you will think for a moment -you will know why." - -In a flash her meaning came to me. She'd have to tell her father's -secret to the man she married, and that she would never do. Again that -old skeleton in the family closet was grinning at us. - -"Gwendolyn, my thinker has been worn out by overwork here in Italy or it -would not have been asleep at its post," I said. "I take off my hat to -you and keep it off as long as you're near me. Jiminy Christmas! I like -the stuff you're made of, but look here--the case isn't hopeless. I'll -show you a way out of this trouble some day. Come on, let's go in and -have some breakfast. I'm hungry as a bear." - -"No, thanks! I must go back to my patient," said the girl. "I never eat -any breakfast." - -"The breakfast habit is purely American. You'll acquire it by and by," -I assured her. "Wait until you get a settled liking for long days and -short nights." - -She left me, and I thought that I would take a little walk under the -trees before going in. I had not gone a dozen paces when Muggs came -along. He was looking pale and thin and rather untidy. - -"I knew that you were an early riser," said he. "I came to find you if I -could." - -He must have seen a look of anger in my face, for he went on: - -"Don't be hard on me. I've come to bring you that two hundred dollars, -with fifty added for the hat and coat." - -He gave me a check, and it nearly knocked me down with astonishment. -"What cunning ruse is this?" I asked myself, and said: "You're not -looking well." - -"I can't eat or sleep," he continued. "I've been walking the streets -since midnight. There's something I wanted to say, but I'm not up to it -now. I'll try to see you again within a day or two." - -He bade me good morning and went on, and I was puzzled by the serious -look in his face. - - - - -XV.---SOMETHING HAPPENS TO THE MAN MUGGS - - SOME people are so careless with their affections that they even forget -where they laid 'em the day before, and often go about sputtering like -an old gentleman who has lost his spectacles. My grandfather was once so -mad at a table on which he had found them lying, unexpectedly, that -he seized a poker and put a dent in it. He was like many modern -lovers--divorced and otherwise. They should remember that misplaced -affection has made more trouble than anything else. - -Mrs. Mullet had been a bit careless with her affections, and especially -in taking Mr. Pike's recommendation of Colonel Wilton. What could have -been the motive of Mr. Pike? - -Mrs. Mullet called to see us next morning. - -"Something very strange has happened," said she. - -"If you were to tell me something that wasn't strange I wouldn't believe -it," I answered. "Go ahead; you can't astonish me." - -"Please read this letter," she requested, as she drew a sheet of paper -from an envelope and put it into my hands and added, "It's from Colonel -Wilton." - -"From Wilton!" I exclaimed, and began reading aloud the singular human -document. His emotion conferred rank upon her, for he had addressed Mrs. -Mullet in this baronial fashion: - -_My dear Lady Maude,--I have completed the payments due to date on the -bust and the oil-painting, because I have decided that if I cannot have -you I must have them. I want to live with them, for I believe they will -help me. I tell you the God's truth, I have been a bad man, but I want -to be better and make good to every one I have wronged. I can't do it -for a little while yet, but I'm going to as sure as there's a God in -heaven. I was a fool to write that letter, but I was discouraged. You -are the only woman I ever loved. I take back all that I wrote in that -letter. I won't put any price on you. I can't. You are better than all -the money in the world. I don't blame you a bit for not having anything -more to do with me. You don't know what I have suffered; you can't know, -but I know. I shall never give you a moment's trouble. Don't be afraid -to meet me in the street. I may look at you, but I shall not speak to -you. Don't hate me; but, if you can, ask Jesus Christ to forgive me -and help me to live honest. I don't believe that He wants me to suffer -always like this. Don't hate me, because I love you, and please remember -me as Lysander Wilton._ - -Its script was curious. Every word was written with extreme care, and -some were embellished with little flourishes. I remembered how slowly -and carefully he had formed the letters in that signature in my office. - -There were tears in the eyes of Mrs. Mullet when I folded the letter and -looked into her face. - -"What do you think of it?" she asked. - -"Sounds as if he meant it, but he's an able sounder," I answered. - -"He had a good case and has given up all claim upon her," said Betsey, -in the tone of gentle protest. - -"Oh, well! he wouldn't dare to bring a suit here or in America," I -objected. "She might get the hatchet, but he would get the ax." - -"How would you explain his payments on the bust and the portrait?" -Betsey asked. - -Sure enough, why was he buying the bust and the painting, and how had he -got the money to do it? - -"It looks as if he had gone out of his mind," said Betsey. - -"Nobody could blame him for going out of his mind," was my answer. "If I -had his mind I'd go out of it." - -"Perhaps she has driven him into a new and a better mind," said Betsey. - -"That's possible. There's plenty of room outside his old mental horizon. -If it's honest love I should think he would die of astonishment to find -such goods on himself." - -"Well, you see, he was not very well, and I was a kind of mother to him -here," Mrs. Mullet answered, as she wiped her eyes. "He was kind and -thoughtful and so very handsome. I was really fond of him." - -Mrs. Mullet yielded again to her emotions. She was not a bad sort of a -woman, after all. - -True, she was still afflicted with a light attack of the beauty disease. -But she had a heart in her. She was, too, "a well-fashioned, enticing -creature," as Samuel Pepys would have said. I didn't blame Muggs for -leaping in love with her. It was as natural as for a boy to leap into a -swimming-hole. - -"What shall I do?" she asked, presently. - -"Study art as hard as you can," I said. "Botticelli may help you to -forget Muggs. But don't fail to tell me what happens. I've got to know -how Muggs gets along with his new affliction." - -She agreed to keep me posted, and left us. - -A note came from Mrs. Fraley that afternoon. She wished to see me on a -matter of business, and wouldn't we go and drink tea with them at five? -They were spending the day in the Capitoline Museum, where Muriel was at -work. - -We couldn't drink tea with them, and so Betsey proposed that we walk to -the museum and see what they wanted. We did it. - -Miss Muriel was copying a figure of Socrates on the fragment of a -frieze. The beauty disease had visibly progressed in her--hair a shade -richer, eyes more strongly underscored. Old Socrates was so different, -sitting in conversation and leaning forward on his staff. One bare -foot rested comfortably on the other. They were a good-sized pair of -industrious and reliable feet. He seemed to be addressing his argument -to the young lady who sat before him. The expression of the big toe on -his right foot indicated that it was not wholly unmoved by his words. - -Mrs. Fraley beckoned me aside and whispered: - -"The dear child is making wonderful progress. She is copying that for -one of the New York magazines. Muriel has made a great social success in -Rome. Mrs. Wartz has taken her up, and her name is in the Paris _Herald_ -almost every day." - -In a moment she made an illuminating proposal: - -"I want to borrow fifty thousand dollars on good security--the bonds of -the Great Bend & Lake Michigan Traction Company," she said. "I would pay -you a liberal fee if you would help me." - -"It's a bad time to borrow money," I answered. "Is it a bust or a -painting?" - -"Neither; it's Miss Muriel's marriage portion. The count has proposed, -and I find that he is one of the dearest, noblest young men that ever -lived." - -There was no help for these people. An appeal to their minds was like -shooting into the sky or writing in water. You couldn't land on them. - -"Oh, then it's a husband!" I exclaimed. - -"Yes, and we want to take him home with us." - -"He requires cash down?" - -"I believe it is usual." - -"Are you sure that Muriel could manage him? He's pretty coltish and has -never been halter-broke. He might rare up an' pull away an' run off with -the money." - -"He loves her to distraction, he worships and adores her, and she is -very, very fond of him." - -"You are far from your friends here," I said. "Suppose you ask the count -to call on me and talk it over. It may be that I could arrange easy -terms. Possibly we could even get him on the instalment plan, with a -small payment down." - -"I would not dare suggest it," said Mrs. Fraley. - -"Cable to your banker, and if the bonds are good he ought to be able to -get the money for you." - -"I thought of that, but to save time I hoped that you would be willing -to let me have it." - -"I wouldn't assist you to commit a folly which you are sure to regret," -I answered. "In my opinion he would be dear at ten dollars. It looks to -me like taking over a liability instead of an asset." - -"We didn't ask for your opinion," said Miss Muriel, as she blushed with -indignation. - -"My opinions are as easy to get as counts in Italy," I said. "You -don't have to ask for them. I give you one thing more--my best wishes. -Good-by!" - -With that we left them. Things began to move fast. Norris came down to -dinner, and we all sat together in the dining-room with the new count. -It was the last despairing effort of mama to grasp the persimmon. -She had boosted her daughter within easy reach of said persimmon, but -Gwendolyn refused to pull it down. Her attitude was polite but firm. - -"It doesn't look good to me," she seemed to be saying. - -The count told thrilling tales of royal friends and palaces, and they -all rang like good metal, for this count was a real aristocrat. Still, -"No, thanks" was in the voice and manner of Gwendolyn. He twanged airy -compliments on his little guitar. - -"No, thanks!" - -Gwendolyn gave me a sly wink and suggested that I should tell a story. -I saw what was expected of me and got the floor and kept it. Finally -the count played his best trump. They would be invited to a fte in the -palace of a certain noted prince. - -"No, thanks!" said Gwendolyn, before her mother could answer. "It is -very kind of you, but we shall be so busy getting ready to sail." - -The count took his medicine like a thoroughbred. - -"And you--you must not be astonished to see me in America before much -time, I should say," he answered. - -"What a joy to welcome you there!" Mrs. Norris exclaimed. - -Then followed a little duet in Fifth Avenue and Roman dialect with -monocle and minuet accompaniment by the great artists Norris and -Raspagnetti based on these allegations: - -_First: She was so glad to have had the great pleasure of meeting him._ - -_Second: He was so glad to have had the honor of meeting her and her -daughter._ - -_Third: She was so sorry to say good-by._ - -_Fourth: She was a dear lady, and could never know how much pain it -"afflicted upon him" to say good-by; but fortunately she was not leaving -him hopeless._ - -The climax had passed. - -Gwendolyn got her hand kissed, and so did her mother--there was no -dodging that--but it was our last experience with the hand-smackers of -Italy. - -We had a happy American evening together in the Norris apartments, and -Mrs. Norris seemed to enjoy my imitation of her parting with the count. -The first occurrence of note in the morning was Mrs. Mullet. She -was getting to be a perennial, but she grew a foot that day in our -estimation. She had brought with her a note from Muggs. He was very ill -in his room and begged her to come and see him as a last favor. What -should she do? - -"Let's go and see him--you and I and Mrs. Potter," was my suggestion. -"This has all the ear-marks of a case of true love. My professional -advice has never been sought in a case of that kind; but come on, let's -see what there is to it." - -We went and found Muggs abed, with a high fever. No more nonsense now! -I've got to be decently serious for a few minutes. We were amazed to see -how the sight of Mrs. Mullet affected him, and how tenderly he clung to -her hands, and begged her to forget the man he had been. She turned to -me with wet eyes and said: - -"I cannot leave him like this. I shall send for a nurse and doctor, and -take care of him. He has no friends here." - -"Bully for you!" I said. "If he's out of money I'll help you pay the -bills." - -We went away a little mystified by this behavior on the part of Muggs. - -We were leaving next day for the south, and Mrs. Mullet came to say -good-by to us. "How is your patient?" I asked. - -"He was delirious all night, and dictated letters to me as if I had been -his stenographer. I took them down with a pencil. I have brought two of -them for you to read. I do not understand them; perhaps you will know -what they mean." - -The first was addressed to a man in Mexico, and it said: - -_Dear Mack,--At last my ship has come in, and I am doing what I have -longed to do for many years, and what I have dreamed of doing a thousand -times. I inclose a check for all that I owe you, with interest. Forgive -me. Please forgive me. I didn't know what I was doing. I expected to -return it within a week, but I lost it all. I want you to tell every one -that knows me that I am an honest man._ - -The second letter was to the Honorable Whitfield Norris, and it said: - -_Dear Sir,--At last I am able to do what I have wanted to do for years. -I inclose a check for all the money you have given me, with interest to -date. Please send me a receipt for the same. I always intended to make -good and live honest, and I want you to think well of me, for I think -that you are the greatest man I ever met._ - -All this puzzled me at first, and I went at once with Mrs. Mullet to -Muggs's room. The sick man's fever had abated, and his head was clear. - -"You have been dictating a letter to Norris," I said. - -"What letter?" he asked. - -"Didn't you dictate a letter to Norris last night?" - -"No," he answered, sadly. - -"Have you any money?" I asked. - -"I have made a little money out of an old investment in a copper-mine," -he answered, in a faint voice. "It has begun to pay, and they have sent -me eighteen hundred dollars. There's eleven hundred left. It's in the -Banca d'Italia. In my book you'll find a check for that two hundred -dollars. It's on the bureau there." - -"You gave me that," I said. - -"Did I?" he whispered, and was sound asleep in a few seconds. - -I returned to Mrs. Mullet, full of sober thought. - -"Those letters are the voice of his soul," I said. "It really wants to -pay up and be honest." - -She saw my meaning and wept, and said, as soon as she could speak: - -"Perhaps, in the sight of God, he has already paid his debts." - -"An honorable delirium isn't quite enough," I said, "but it does show -that his soul is acquiring good habits." - -"I'm so happy that you think so," she answered. - -"Yes, I'd rather have him now with all his past than any count I have -seen in Italy. There are all kinds of pasts, but Muggs is ashamed of -his--that's something! Of course it isn't safe to jump at conclusions, -but it looks as if the love of a decent woman had done a good deal for -him." - -I left her with a happy smile on her face, and way down in me I could -hear my soul laughing at the wise old country lawyer who had got Muggs -so securely placed in his rogue's gallery. He had been reading law in a -better book than any on his shelves. I had once smiled when I had read -in one of Mr. Chesterton's essays that "Christianity looks for the -honest man inside the thief." I said to myself that I had never seen the -honest man aforementioned. But here he was at last. I described him to -Betsey. - -"The love of that woman has done it," said she. - -"The love of a good woman is a big thing," I answered, as I put my arm -around her. "Kind o' like the finger o' Jesus touching the eyes o' the -blind--that's the way it looks to me." - -Next day we drove to Naples. Good-by, Rome, city of lovely shapes and -jeweled walls and golden ceilings, graveyard of races and empires, -paradise of saints and industrious marryers! How's that for a -valedictory? Well, you see, I bought a guitar, and it's time I began to -practise. - -Naples is different. It's a kind of theater. There the very poor play -the part of the starving mendicant as soon as they are able to walk; the -cheap tradesman plays the self-sacrificing saint; the fairly well-to-do -man plays the part of a millionaire with his trap and horses on the Via -Roma, and every driver plays the tyrant. The song of the lash, which had -its part in the ancient music of Persia, fills the air of the old city. - -It worried us, and we went to Sicily and spent a month at Taormina--a -place of which I do not dare to speak for fear of dropping into poetry, -and when I drop into poetry I make a good deal of a splash, as you may -have observed, and it takes me a week to get dry. Norris fell in love -with it, and so did the ladies. I wondered how I was going to get them -to move, but not for long. - -Gwendolyn and I, sitting alone in the old Greek theater one lovely -afternoon, had the talk for which I had been watching my chance. - -We sat looking out between the time-worn columns at tna and the sea. - -"I'm tired of ancient history!" said she, closing her guide-book. - -"Let's try modern history," I suggested. "If you will let me be -your Baedeker for a minute I should like to point out to you a noble -structure in America which is 'clothed in majestic simplicity.'" - -"What is it?" she asked, eagerly. - -"The character of Richard Forbes," I answered. "There's one fact in his -history of supreme importance to you and me." - -"Only one!" she exclaimed. - -"At least one," I answered. "It is this: for years he has known every -unpleasant fact in the story of your father's life." - -"Uncle Soc," she interrupted, with a look of joy in her face, "is it--is -it really true, or are you just saying it to please me?" - -"It's really true," I said. "When I can't help it I tell the truth. I'm -never reckless or immoderate in the use of it, for there's no sense in -giving it out in chunks so big that they excite suspicion. I'm kind o' -careful with the truth when I tell ye that Richard Forbes is better than -all the statues and paintings and domes and golden ceilings in Italy." - -"Uncle Soc, do you think that you could get rooms for us on the next -steamer," she asked. - -"Oh, what's your hurry?" I demanded. - -She rose and said, with a proud, imperious gesture: - -"Me for the United States!" - -"I've already engaged the rooms, for I knew what would happen after we -had had our talk," I said. - -We were waiting to take our steamer in Naples. The day after we reached -there Mrs. Fraley called to see us. She had read in a Roman newspaper -that we were at Bertolini's, and she had come over to talk with me -"about a dreadful occurrence." She had raised the spondoolix, and Miss -Muriel had achieved the count. They had lived in paradise for three -weeks and four days when the count got mad at Muriel and actually beat -her over the shoulders with his riding-whip. It was all because the -dear child had turkey-trotted with a young Englishman at a ball. She -had meant no harm--poor thing!--all the girls were learning these -new-fangled dances. Mrs. Fraley had naturally objected to the count's -use of the whip, whereupon he had shown her the door and bade her leave -his apartments. So she with the beautiful feet had been compelled to -walk out of the place which her bounty had provided and go back to the -dear old boarding-house. Muriel had followed her. They knew not what to -do. Would I please advise her? - -"You've done the right thing," I said. "Keep away from him. He'll be -using his cane next. The whip is a good thing, but not if it comes too -late in life." - -"But how about my money?" she asked. "I can't afford to lose that." - -"My dear madame, you have already lost it. You may as well charge that -to the educational fund. To some people knowledge comes high. I had a -good reason for advising you against this marriage. In our land every -home is a little republic that plays its part in the larger republics of -the town and the county, and the affairs of each home and the welfare -of its inhabitants are the concern of all. Here every home is a little -independent kingdom. Its master is its king. His will is mostly its law. -When he gets mad his whip or his cane may fall upon the transgressor. -It's the old feudal spirit--the ancient habit of thought and hand. Of -course in most countries wife-beating is forbidden, but generally the -woman knows better than to complain, for she finds that it doesn't pay. -So she cringes and obeys and holds her tongue. In America that sort of -thing doesn't go. If a man tries it, the republic of the town gets hold -of him right away. Really, I'd about as soon have the rights of a goat -as the rights of a woman in Europe. In spite of that she's often well -treated." - -I was interrupted by the porter's clerk, who came with a telegram. It -was from Muriel, and it said: - -_Please tell my aunt to return immediately._ - -_We have made up, and are very, very happy, and we shall both be -delighted to see her._ - -I read it aloud, and she rose and said: - -"I'm so glad. Please pardon me for troubling you again." - -I pardoned her, and she went away, and so another American girl had -begun to toughen her skin and adjust her spirit to the feudal plan. - -The day we sailed a curious thing came to pass in a letter to Norris -from Muggs in the handwriting of Mrs. Mullet. It said: - -_I hope you will be glad to learn that good luck has come to me. I thank -God that I am able to return the last sum of money you gave me, -with interest to date. My check for it is inclosed herewith. An old -investment of mine, long supposed to be worthless, has turned out well. -I have sold a part of my stock in it, and with the rest I hope to square -accounts with you before long. My health is better, and within a week or -so I expect to be married to the noblest woman in the world._ - -The man's dream had come to pass. His check was in the letter, and there -was good money behind it. - -"I congratulate you," I said to Norris when he showed me the letter. -"You've really found an honest man inside a thief." - -"Without your help it would have been impossible," said he. "It's worth -ten years of any man's life to have done it. I suppose there's an honest -man inside every thief if we could only get at him." - -"And no man is as bad as he seems, and, therefore, if you ever feel like -shooting me--don't," was my answer. - -"What luck that she didn't get hold of a count!" Betsey exclaimed. "She -was one of the most willing marryers that ever crossed the sea." - -"But she didn't know how to advertise," I said. "Nobody knew that she -had money. One personal in the London _Mail_ or the Paris _Herald_ would -have crowded the Excelsior Hotel with impoverished noblemen." - -"And yet I would have supposed that the worst of them would have been -better than Muggs." - -"Not I," was my answer. "Both Muggs and the counts have been mere -adventurers--trying to get something for nothing. Muggs knew that he was -doing wrong. His offense was so bad that he couldn't doubt its badness. -But the consciences of the counts never get any exercise. They don't -know that idleness is a crime, that a bought husband is baser than a -poodle-dog. They are absolutely convinced of their own respectability. -For that reason the average thief has a far better chance of being faced -about." - -We sailed. Mrs. Sampf, with a chestful of knockers, and the lumber king, -with his bust and portrait, were among our shipmates. The latter had had -a stroke of hard luck. Two gamblers at his hotel had won his confidence -and taken a hank of his fleece at bridge whist. He had made up his mind -that American playmates were more to his liking, that Grant was greater -than Alexander, and that universal peace was a dream. This he confided -to me one evening as we were lying off Gibraltar in the glare of the -searchlights. - -Brooms of light were sweeping the waters for fear some sneaking nation -would steal in upon them like a thief in the night. - -"These Europeans know better than to trust one another," said I. -"Billions for ships an' forts an' armies, an' every dollar of it -testifies to the fact that not one of these powers can trust another. -'Yes, you're a good talker,' they seem to say, 'but I know you of old. -I'll eat with ye, and drink with ye, and buy with ye, and sell with ye, -but dinged if I'll trust ye!"' - -"They're a lot of scamps over here," was the conclusion of Mr. Pike. - -"And especially unreliable in bridge whist," I said. - -"But I've made money on the trip," said the lumber king. "I bought some -shares in a copper-mine for fifteen thousand dollars, and they're worth -at least ten times that. I happened to know the mine, and he needed the -money." - -"If I were you I'd have the details of that transaction engraved on my -bust and set it up in my bedroom," I said, with a laugh. - -"Why so?" - -"It would give you a chance to get acquainted with yourself." - -"Oh, I was honest with him!" said he. "I told him I'd give him thirty -days to redeem the stock." - -"Was it Wilton?" - -"Yes. Do you know him?" - -"I know him, and if the stock is as good as you say it will be -redeemed." - -And it was, and I began to understand why Pike had been hand in glove -with Wilton. He had been trying to get hold of his property. - -We wept for joy at the sight of our native land--who doesn't?--and -Norris, who looked as strong as ever, said that he longed to get back to -his task. - -Richard met us at the dock, and the young people fell into each other's -arms. - -"Gwendolyn!" Mrs. Norris exclaimed. "Look here," said I. "This pair of -marryers is not to be interfered with any more." Muggs and his new wife -sailed on the _Titanic_, and he met his death on the stricken ship like -a gentleman; but the bride was saved, and came to see us in Pointview -and told us the story of that night. - -The ship was a part of the machinery of the great thought trust, which -has the world in its grip. The power behind her engines was thinking in -terms of dollars and cents--to be gained through the advertisement of a -swift voyage--and down she went in a thousand fathoms of icy water. - -I said to Norris when we were speaking of this tragedy as we sat by his -fireside: - -"The greatest of all commandments is this: 'Thou shalt have no other -Gods before me.'" - -"Neither money nor titles, nor pride nor fear, nor power, nor church nor -state," he added. - -"Amen!" was my answer. - -Then there fell a long silence, and well down in the depths of it is the -end of my story. - -THE END - - - - - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Marryers, by Irving Bacheller - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MARRYERS *** - -***** This file should be named 50088-8.txt or 50088-8.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/0/0/8/50088/ - -Produced by David Widger from page images generously -provided by the Internet Archive - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - - - -Title: The Marryers - A History Gathered from a Brief of The Honorable Socrates Potter - -Author: Irving Bacheller - -Release Date: September 30, 2015 [EBook #50088] -Last Updated: March 12, 2018 - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MARRYERS *** - - - - -Produced by David Widger from page images generously -provided by the Internet Archive - - - - - - -</pre> - - <div style="height: 8em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <div class="fig" style="width:50%"> - <img src="images/0001.jpg" alt="0001" width="100%" /><br /> - </div> - <h5> - <a href="images/0001.jpg"><img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a> - </h5> - <h1> - THE MARRYERS - </h1> - <h3> - A History Gathered from a Brief of The Honorable Socrates Potter - </h3> - <h2> - By Irving Bacheller - </h2> - <h3> - Illustrated - </h3> - <h4> - Harper and Brothers Publishers New York and London - </h4> - <h5> - MCMXIV - </h5> - <div class="fig" style="width:50%"> - <img src="images/0006.jpg" alt="0006" width="100%" /><br /> - </div> - <h5> - <a href="images/0006.jpg"><img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a> - </h5> - <div class="fig" style="width:50%"> - <img src="images/0007.jpg" alt="0001" width="100%" /><br /> - </div> - <h5> - <a href="images/0007.jpg"><img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a> - </h5> - <h3> - OFFICE OF SOCRATES POTTER - </h3> - <p> - Pointview, Conn. - </p> - <p> - To the Honorable Judges of Decency and Good Behavior the World Over: - </p> - <p> - My friend, the novelist, has prevailed upon me to write this brief in - behalf of my country and against certain feudal tendencies therein. I have - tried to tell the truth, but with that moderation which becomes a lawyer - of my age 'and experience. It is bad manners to give a guest more wine - than he can carry or more truth than he can believe. In these pages there - is enough wine, I hope, for the necessary illusion, and enough truth, I - know, for the satisfaction of my conscience. I hasten, to add that there - is not enough of wine or truth to stagger those who are not accustomed to - the use of-either. I warned the novelist that nothing could be more - unfortunate for me than that I should betray a talent for fiction. He - assures me that my reputation is not in danger. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <p> - <b>CONTENTS</b> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0001"><b>THE MARRYERS</b> </a> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> I.—IN WHICH MR. POTTER PRESENTS THE - SINGULAR DILEMMA OF WHITFIELD NORRIS, MULTIMILLIONAIRE </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0003"> II.—MY INTERVIEW WITH THE PIRATE </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0004"> III.—IN WHICH A MAN IS SEEN HOLDING DOWN - THE BUSHEL THAT HIDES HIS LIGHT </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0005"> IV.—A RATHER SWIFT ADVENTURE WITH THE - PIRATE </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0006"> V.—IN WHICH WE HAVE AN AMUSING VOYAGE </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0007"> VI.—WE ARRIVE IN THE LAND OF LOVE AND SONG - </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0008"> VII.—IN WHICH I TEACH THE DIFFICULT ART OF - BEING AN AMERICAN IN ITALY </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0009"> VIII.—I AGREE TO FIGHT A DUEL AND NAME A - WEAPON WITH WHICH EUROPEAN GENTLEMEN ARE UNFAMILIAR </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0010"> IX.—A MODERN AMERICAN MARRYER ENTERS THE - SCENE </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0011"> X.—A DAY OF ADVENTURES WITH TUSCAN ARTISTS - AND OTHERS </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0012"> XI.—IN WHICH WE GET INTO THE FLASH AND - GLITTER OF HIGH LIFE </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0013"> XII.—IN WHICH NORRIS TAKES HIS LIGHT FROM - UNDER THE BUSHEL </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0014"> XIII.—IN WHICH I FIGHT A DUEL WITH ONE OF - THE OLDEST WEAPONS IN THE WORLD </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0015"> XIV.—MISS GWENDOLYN DEFINES HER POSITION - </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0016"> XV.—SOMETHING HAPPENS TO THE MAN MUGGS - </a> - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h1> - THE MARRYERS - </h1> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - I.—IN WHICH MR. POTTER PRESENTS THE SINGULAR DILEMMA OF WHITFIELD - NORRIS, MULTIMILLIONAIRE - </h2> - <p class="pfirst"> - <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span> HAVE just - returned from Italy—the land of love and song. To any who may be - looking forward to a career in love or song I recommend Italy. Its art, - scenery, and wine have been a great help to the song business, while its - pictures, statues, and soft air are well calculated to keep the sexes from - drifting apart and becoming hopelessly estranged. The sexes will have - their differences, of course, as they are having them in England. I - sometimes fear that they may decide to have nothing more to do with each - other, in which case Italy, with its alert and well-trained corps of - love-makers, might save the situation. - </p> - <p> - Since Ovid and Horace, times have changed in the old peninsula. Love has - ceased to be an art and has become an industry to which the male members - of the titolati are assiduously devoted. With hereditary talent for the - business, they have made it pay. The coy processes in the immortal tale of - Masuccio of Salerno are no longer fashionable. The Juliets have descended - from the balcony; the Romeos climb the trellis no more. All that machinery - is now too antiquated and unbusinesslike. The Juliets are mostly English - and American girls who have come down the line from Saint Moritz. The - Romeos are still Italians, but the bobsled, the toboggan, and the tango - dance have supplanted the balcony and the trellis as being swifter, less - wordy, and more direct. - </p> - <p> - There are other forms of love which thrive in Italy—the noblest - which the human breast may know—the love of art, for instance, and - the love of America. I came back with a deeper affection for Uncle Sam - than I ever had before. - </p> - <p> - But this is only the cold vestibule—the “piaz” of my story. Come in, - dear reader. There's a cheerful blaze and a comfortable chair in the - chimney-corner. Make yourself at home, and now my story's begun exactly - where I began to live in it—inside the big country house of a client - of mine, an hour's ride from New York. His name wasn't Whitfield Norris, - and so we will call him that. His age was about fifty-five, his name well - known. If ever a man was born for friendship he was the man—a kindly - but strong face, genial blue eyes, and the love of good fellowship. But he - had few friends and no intimates beyond his family circle. True, he had a - gruff voice and a broken nose, and was not much of a talker. Of Norris, - the financier, many knew more or less; of Norris, the man, he and his - family seemed to enjoy a monopoly of information. It was not quite a - monopoly, however, as I discovered when I began to observe the deep - undercurrents of his life. Right away he asked me to look at them. - </p> - <p> - Norris had written that he wished to consult me, and was forbidden by his - doctor to go far from his country house, where he was trying to rest. - Years before he had put a detail of business in my hands, and I had had - some luck with it. - </p> - <p> - His glowing wife and daughter met me at the railroad-station with a - glowing footman and a great, glowing limousine. The wife was a restored - masterpiece of the time of Andrew Johnson—by which I mean that she - was a very handsome woman, whose age varied from thirty to fifty-five, - according to the day and the condition of your eyesight. She trained more - or less in fashionable society, and even coughed with an English accent. - The daughter was a lovely blonde, blue-eyed girl of twenty. She was tall - and substantial—built for all weather and especially well-roofed—a - real human being, with sense enough to laugh at my jokes and other serious - details in her environment. - </p> - <p> - We arrived at the big, plain, comfortable house just in time for luncheon. - Norris met me at the door. He looked pale and careworn, but greeted me - playfully, and I remarked that he seemed to be feeling his oats. - </p> - <p> - “Feeling my oats! Well, I should say so,” he answered. “No man's oats ever - filled him with deeper feeling.” - </p> - <p> - Like so many American business men, his brain had all feet in the trough, - so to speak, and was getting more than its share of blood, while the other - vital organs in his system were probably only half fed. - </p> - <p> - At the table I met Richard Forbes, a handsome, husky young man who seemed - to take a special interest in Miss Gwendolyn, the daughter. There were - also the aged mother of Norris, two maiden cousins of his—jolly - women between forty-five and fifty years of age—a college president, - and Mrs. Mushtop, a proud and talkative lady who explained to me that she - was one of the Mushtops of Maryland. Of course you have met those - interesting people. Ever since 1627 the Mushtops have been coming over - from England with the first Lord Baltimore, and now they are quite - numerous. While we ate, Norris said little, but seemed to enjoy the jests - and stories better than the food. - </p> - <p> - He had a great liking for good tobacco, and after luncheon showed me the - room where he kept his cigars. There were thousands of them made from the - best crops of Cuba, in sizes to suit the taste. - </p> - <p> - “Here are some from the crop of '93,” he said, as he opened a box. “I have - green cigars, if you prefer them, but I never smoke a cigar unless it - crackles.” - </p> - <p> - I took a crackler, and with its delicious aroma under my nose we went for - a walk in the villa gardens. Some one had released a dozen Airedales, of - whom my host was extremely fond, and they followed at his heels. I walked - with the maiden cousins, one of whom said of Norris: “We're very fond of - him. Often we sing, 'What a friend we have in Whitfield!' and it amuses - him very much.” - </p> - <p> - And it suggested to me that they had good reason to sing it. - </p> - <p> - Norris was extremely fond of beautiful things, and his knowledge of both - art and flowers was unusual. He showed us the conservatories and his - art-gallery filled with masterpieces, but very calmly and with no - flourish. - </p> - <p> - “I've only a few landscapes here,” he said, “things that do not seem to - quarrel with the hills and valleys.” - </p> - <p> - “Or the hay and whiskers and the restful spirit beneath them,” I - suggested. - </p> - <p> - I knew that he had bought in every market of the world, and had given some - of his best treasures to sundry museums of art in America, but they were - always credited to “a friend,” and never to Whitfield Norris. - </p> - <p> - On our return to the house he asked me to ride with him, and we got into - the big car and went out for a leisurely trip on the country roads. The - farmer-folk in field and dooryard waved their hands and stirred their - whiskers as we passed. - </p> - <p> - “They're all my friends,” he said. - </p> - <p> - “Tenants and vassals!” I remarked. - </p> - <p> - “You see, I've helped some of them in a small way, but always - impersonally,” he answered, as if he had not heard me. “I have sought to - avoid drawing their attention to me in any way whatever.” - </p> - <p> - We drew up at a little house on a lonely road to ask our way. An Irish - woman came to the car door as we stopped, and said: - </p> - <p> - “God bless ye, sor! It does me eyes good to look an' see ye better—thanks - to the good God! I haven't forgot yer kindness.” - </p> - <p> - “But I have,” said Norris. - </p> - <p> - The woman was on her mental knees before him as she stood looking into his - face. - </p> - <p> - No doubt he had lifted her mortgage or favored her in some like manner. - Her greeting seemed to please him, and he gave her a kindly word, and told - his driver to go on. - </p> - <p> - We passed the Mary Perkins's school and the Mary Perkins's hospital, both - named for his wife. I had heard much of these model charities, but not - from him. So many rich men talk of their good deeds, like the lecturer in - a side-show, but he held his peace. Everywhere I could not help seeing - that he was regarded as a kind of savior, and he seemed to regret it. Was - he a great actor or—? - </p> - <p> - “It's a pity that I cannot enjoy my life like other men,” he interrupted, - as this thought came to me. “None of my neighbors are quite themselves - when they talk to me; they think I must be praised and flattered. They - don't talk to me in a reliable fashion, as you do. You have noticed that - even my own family is given to songs of praise in my presence.” - </p> - <p> - “Norris, I'm sorry for you,” I said. “They say that you inherited a fair - amount of poverty—honest, hard-earned poverty. Why didn't you take - care of it? Why did you get reckless and squander it in commercial - dissipation? You should have kept enough to give your daughter a proper - start in life. I have taken care of mine.” - </p> - <p> - “It began in the thoughtless imprudence of youth,” he went on, playfully. - “I used to think that money was an asset.” - </p> - <p> - “And you have discovered that money is only a jackasset.” - </p> - <p> - “That it is, in fact, a liability, and that every man you meet is dunning - you for a part of it.” - </p> - <p> - “Including the lawyers you meet,” I said. “Oh, they're the worst of all!” - he laughed. “As distributors of the world's poverty they are unrivaled.” - </p> - <p> - He smiled and shook his head with a look of amusement and injury as he - went on. - </p> - <p> - “Almost every one who comes near me has a hatchet if not an ax to grind. I - am sick of being a little tin god. I seem to be standing in a high place - where I can see all the selfishness of the world about me. No, it hasn't - made me a cynic. I have some sympathy for the most transparent of them; - but generally I am rather gruff and ill-natured; often I lose my temper. I - have had enough of praise and flattery to understand how weary of it the - Almighty must be. He must see how cheap it is, and if He has humor, as of - course He has, having given so much of it to His children, how He must - laugh at some of the gross adulation that is offered Him! But let us get - to business. - </p> - <p> - “I invited you here to engage your services in a most important matter; - it's so important that for many years I have given it my own attention. - But my health is failing, and I must get rid of this problem, which is, in - a way, like the riddle of the Sphinx. Some other fellow must tackle it, - and I've chosen you for the job. Mr. Potter, you are to be, if you will, - my trustiest friend as well as my attorney. For many years I have been the - victim of blackmailers, and have paid them a lot of money.” - </p> - <p> - “Poverty is a good thing, but not if it's achieved through the aid of a - blackmailer,” I remarked. “Try some other scheme.” - </p> - <p> - “But you must know the facts,” he went on. “At twenty-one I went into - business with my father out in Illinois. He got into financial - difficulties and committed a crime—forged a man's name to a note, - intending to pay it when it came due. Suddenly, in a panic, he went on the - rocks, and all his plans failed. He was up against it, as we say. There - were many extenuating circumstances—a generous man, an extravagant - family, of which I had been the most extravagant member; a mind that lost - its balance under a great strain. He had risked all on a throw of the dice - and lost. I'll never forget the hour in which he confessed the truth to - me. It's hard for a father to put on the crown of shame in the presence of - a child who honors him. There's no pang in this world like that. He had - braced himself for the trial, and what a trial it must have been! I have - suffered some since that day; but all of it put together is nothing - compared to that hour of his. In ten minutes I saw him wither into old age - as he burned in the fire of his own hell. When he was done with his story - I saw that he was virtually dead, although he could still breathe and see - and speak and walk. As I listened a sense of personal responsibility and - of great calmness and strength came on me. - </p> - <p> - “I took my father's arm and went home with him and begged him not to - worry. Then forthwith I went to police headquarters and took the crime on - myself. My father went to paradise the next day, and I to prison. I was - young and could stand it. They gave me a light sentence, on account of my - age—only two years, reduced to a year and a half for good behavior. - My Lord! It has been hard to tell you this. I've never told any one but - you; not even my own mother knows the truth, and I wouldn't have her know - it for all the world. I cleared out and went to work in California, in the - mines. Suffered poverty and hardship; won success by and by; prospered, - and slowly my little hell cooled down. But no man can escape from his - past. By and by it overtakes him, and in time it caught me. A record is a - record, and you can't wipe it out even with righteous living. It may be - forgiven—yes, but there it is and there it will remain. - </p> - <p> - “I didn't marry, as you may know, until I was thirty-four. My wife was the - daughter of a small merchant in an Oregon village. I had been married - about a year when the first pirate fired across my bows—a man who - had worked beside me at Joliet. I found him in my office one morning. He - didn't know how much money I had, and struck me gently, softly, for a - thousand dollars. It was to be a loan. I gave him the money; I had to. - Why? Well, you see, my wife didn't know that I was an ex-convict, and I - couldn't bear to have her know of it. I did not fear her so much as her - friends, some of whom were jealous of our success. Why hadn't I told her - before my marriage? you are thinking. Well, partly because I honored my - father and my mother, and partly because I had no sense of guilt in me. - Secretly I was rather proud of the thing I had done. If I had been really - guilty of a crime I should have had to tell her; but, you see, my heart - was clean—just as clean as she thought it. I hadn't fooled her about - that. There had been nothing coming to me. Oh yes, I know that I ought to - have told her. I'm only giving you the arguments with which I convinced - myself—with which even now I try to convince myself—that it - wasn't necessary. Anyhow, when I married it never entered my head that - there could be a human being so low that he would try to fan back to life - the dying embers of my trouble and use it for a source of profit. It never - occurred to me that any man would come along and say: 'Here, give me money - or I'll make it burn ye.' - </p> - <p> - “I foolishly thought that my sacrifice was my own property, and was - beginning to forget it. Well, first to last, this man got forty thousand - dollars out of me. He was dying of consumption when he made his last call, - having spent the money in fast living. He wanted five thousand dollars, - and promised never to ask me for another cent. He kept his word, and died - within three months, but not until he had sold his pull to another - scoundrel. The new pirate was an advertising agent of the Far West. He - came to me with the whole story in manuscript, ready to print. He said - that he had bought it from two men who had brought the manuscript to his - office, and had paid five thousand dollars for it. He was such a nice man!—willing - to sell at cost and a small allowance for time expended. I gave him all he - asked, and since then I have been buying that story every six months or - so. When anything happens, like the coming out of my daughter, this - sleek-looking, plausible pirate shows up again, and, you see, I can't kick - him out of my presence, as I should like to do. He always tells me that - the mysterious two are demanding more money, so, like a bull with a ring - in his nose, I have been pulled about for years by this little knave of a - man. I couldn't help it. Now my nerves cannot endure any more of this kind - of thing. My doctor tells me that I must be free from all worry; I propose - to turn it over to you.” - </p> - <p> - “Then I shall wipe him off the slate,” I said. “They'll publish the - facts.” - </p> - <p> - “Poor man!” I exclaimed. “You've got one big asset, and you're afraid to - claim it. Nothing that you have ever done compares with that term in - prison. Your charities have been large, but, after all, their value is - doubtful except to you. The old law of evolution isn't greatly in need of - your money. But when you went to prison you really did something, old man. - The light of a deed like that shines around the world. Let it shine—if - it must. Don't hide it under a bushel.” - </p> - <p> - “But not for all I am worth would I have my father's name dishonored, with - my mother still alive,” he declared. “Now, as to myself, I am not so much - worried. I could bear some disgrace, for it wouldn't alter the facts. I - should keep my self-respect, anyhow. But when I think of my wife and - children I admit that I am a coward. They're pretty proud, as you know, - and the worst of it is they are proud of me. Their pride is my best asset. - I couldn't bear to see it broken down. No, what I want is to have you - manage this blackmail fund and keep all comers contented. What money you - need for that purpose will be supplied to you.” - </p> - <p> - “In my opinion you're unjust to the ladies of your home,” I remarked. - </p> - <p> - “How?” - </p> - <p> - “You should treat them like human beings and not like angels,” I said. - “It's their right to share your troubles. They'd be all the better for - it.” - </p> - <p> - “Please do as I say,” he answered. “You must remember that they're all - I've got.” - </p> - <p> - “Cheer up! I 'll do my best,” was my assurance. “But I shall ask you to - let me manage the matter in my own way and with no interference.” - </p> - <p> - “I commit my happiness to your keeping,” he answered. - </p> - <p> - “I wonder that you have got off so cheaply,” I said. “I should think there - might have been a dozen pirates in the chase instead of two.” - </p> - <p> - “Circumstances have favored me,” he explained. “I spent my youth in - Germany, where I was educated. I had been in America only six months when - my father failed. In those days I was known as Jackson W. Norris. In - California I got into a row and had my nose broken. I was a good-looking - man before that. Then, you see, it has been a rule of my life to keep my - face from being photographed. Of course, the papers have had snap-shots of - me; but no one who knew me as a boy would recognize this bent nose and - wrinkled face of mine. I have discouraged all manner of publicity relating - to me and kept my history under cover as a thing that concerned no one but - myself.” - </p> - <p> - I had requested that our ride should end at the railroad-station, and we - arrived there in good time for my train. - </p> - <p> - “I will ask Wilton, my pirate friend, to call on you,” he said. - </p> - <p> - “Let him call Friday at twelve with a note from you,” I requested. - </p> - <p> - Gwendolyn Norris and Richard Forbes were waiting at the station, the - latter being on his way to town. - </p> - <p> - “Going back? You ought to know better,” I said. - </p> - <p> - “So I do, but business is business,” he answered. - </p> - <p> - “And there's no better business for any one than playing with a fair - maid.” - </p> - <p> - “He knows that there's a tennis match this afternoon and a dance this - evening, and he leaves me,” the girl complained. - </p> - <p> - “I shall have to take a week off and come up here and convince you that no - man is fonder of fun and a fair maid,” said Forbes. - </p> - <p> - “I could do it in ten minutes,” I declared. - </p> - <p> - “But you have had practice and experience,” said Forbes. - </p> - <p> - “And you are more supple,” was my answer. - </p> - <p> - “I should hope so,” the girl laughed. “If all men were like Mr. Potter the - world would be full of old maids. It took him thirty years to make up his - mind to get married.” - </p> - <p> - “No, it took <i>her</i> that long—not me,” I answered, and the - arrival of the train saved me from further humiliation. - </p> - <p> - On the way to town I got acquainted with young Forbes, and liked him. He - was a big, broad-shouldered athlete, two years out of college. The glow of - health and good nature was in his face. His blue eyes twinkled merrily as - we sparred for points. He had a full line of convictions, but he didn't - pretend to have gathered all the fruit on the tree of knowledge. He was - the typical best product of the modern wholesale man factory—strong, - modest, self-restrained, well educated, and thinking largely in terms of - profit and loss. That is to say, he was sawed and planed and matched and - seasoned like ten thousand other young men of his age. His great need had - been poverty and struggle and individual experience. If he had had to - climb and reach and fall and get up and climb again to secure the - persimmon which was now in his hands, he would have had the persimmon and - a very rare thing besides, and it's the rare thing that counts. But here I - am finding fault with a thoroughly good fellow. It's only to clear his - background for the reader, to whose good graces I heartily recommend the - young man. His father had left him well off, but he had gone to work on a - great business plan, and with rare talent for his task, as it seemed to - me. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - II.—MY INTERVIEW WITH THE PIRATE - </h2> - <p class="pfirst"> - <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span>T had been a misty - morning, with slush in the streets. For hours the great fog-siren had been - bellowing to the ships on the sound and breaking into every conversation. - “Go slow and keep away!” it screeched, in a kind of mechanical hysterics. - </p> - <p> - I was sitting at my desk when Norris's pirate came in. I didn't like the - look of him, for I saw at once that he was hard wood, and that he wouldn't - whittle. He was a sleek, handsome, well-dressed man of middle age, with - gray eyes, iron-gray hair and mustache, the latter close-cropped. Here, - then, was Wilton—a man of catlike neatness from top to toe. He - stepped softly like a cat. Then he began smoothing his fur—neatly - folded his coat and carefully laid it over the back of a chair; blew a - speck of dust from his hat, and tenderly flicked its brim with his - handkerchief and placed it with gentle precision on the top of the coat. - It's curious how the habit of taking care gets into the character of a - gentleman thief. He almost purred when he said “Good morning.” Then he - seemed to smell the dog, and stopped and took in his surroundings. His - hands were small and bony; he felt his necktie, adjusted his cuffs with an - outward thrust of both arms, and sat down. Without a word more he handed - me the note from Norris, and I read it. - </p> - <p> - “Yes,” I said; “Mr. Norris has given me a brief history of your - affectionate regard for him.” - </p> - <p> - He tried to take my measure with a keen glance. I looked serious, and he - took me seriously. - </p> - <p> - “You see,” he began, in a low voice, “for years I have been trying to - protect him from unscrupulous men.” - </p> - <p> - He gently touched the end of one forefinger with the point of the other as - he spoke. His words were neatly said, and were like his clothing, neatly - pressed and dusted, and calculated to present a respectable appearance. - </p> - <p> - “Tell me all about it,” I said. “Norris didn't go into details.” - </p> - <p> - “Understand,” he went on, gently moving his head as if to shake it down in - his linen a little more comfortably, “I have never made a cent out of - this. I have only kept enough to cover my expenses.” - </p> - <p> - It was the old story long familiar to me. The gentleman knave generally - operates on a high moral plane. Sometimes he can even fool himself about - it. He had climbed on a saint's pedestal and was looking down on me. It - shows the respect they all have for honor. - </p> - <p> - “There are two men besides myself who know the facts, and I have succeeded - so far in keeping them quiet,” he added. - </p> - <p> - “I don't know you, but you won't be offended if I assume that you're a man - of honor,” I said. - </p> - <p> - In the half-moment of silence that followed the old fog-siren screeched a - warning. - </p> - <p> - There was a quick, nervous movement of the visitor's body that brought his - head a little nearer to me. The fur had begun to rise on the cat's back. - </p> - <p> - “There's nothing to prevent it,” said he, with a look of surprise. - </p> - <p> - “Save a possible element of professional pride,” was my answer. - </p> - <p> - “That vanishes in the presence of a lawyer,” said he. - </p> - <p> - It was a kind of swift and surprising cuff with the paw, after which I - knew him better. - </p> - <p> - “But we're licensed, you know, and now, your reputation being established, - I suggest that you are in honor bound to let us know the names of those - men.” - </p> - <p> - “Excuse me! I'm above that kind of thing—way above it,” said he, - with a smile of regret for my ignorance. - </p> - <p> - “Perhaps you wouldn't be above explaining.” - </p> - <p> - “Not at all. If I told you that, I would be as bad as they are. Why, sir, - I would be the yellowest yellow dog in the country.” - </p> - <p> - “Frankness is not apt to have an effect so serious,” I said. - </p> - <p> - Again the points of his forefingers came together as he gently answered: - </p> - <p> - “You see, the first demand they made of me, after putting the story in my - hands, was that I should never give out their names. I had to promise - that.” - </p> - <p> - “Oh, I see. They've elected you to the office of Guardian Angel and - Secretary of the Treasury. How did it happen?” - </p> - <p> - The query didn't annoy him. He was getting used to my sallies, and went - on: - </p> - <p> - “It was easy and natural as drawing your breath. Those men knew that I had - met Mr. Norris—that I was a man of his class, and could talk to him - on even terms. They had got the story from a man now dead—paid him - five hundred dollars for it. They wanted my help to make a profit, see? I - had met Mr. Norris and liked him. He is one of Nature's noblemen. So I - played a friendly part in the matter, and bought the story and turned it - over to Mr. Norris for what it cost me, and he gave me two hundred dollars - for my time. Unfortunately, they have turned out to be rascals, and we - have had to keep them in spending money, and prosperity has made them - extravagant. The whole thing has become a nuisance to me, and I wish I was - out of it.” - </p> - <p> - “What do they want now?” I asked. - </p> - <p> - “Ten thousand dollars.” - </p> - <p> - That was all he said—just those three well-filled words—with a - sad but firm look in his face and a neat little gesture of both hands. - “When do they want it?” - </p> - <p> - “To-day; they're getting impatient.” - </p> - <p> - “Suppose you tell them that they'll have to practise economy for a week or - so at least. I don't know but we shall decide to let them go ahead and do - their worst. It isn't going to hurt Norris. He's been foolish about it; - I'm trying to stiffen his backbone.” Wilton rose with a look of impatience - in his face that betrayed him. - </p> - <p> - “Very well; but <i>I</i> shall not be responsible for the consequences.” - </p> - <p> - The cat had hissed for the first time, but he quickly recovered himself; - the tender look returned to his eyes. - </p> - <p> - “I think you're foolish,” he began again, while his right forefinger - caressed the point of his left. “These men are not going to last long. One - of them has had delirium tremens twice, and the other is in the hospital - with Bright's disease. They're both of them broke, and you know as well as - I that they could get this money in an hour from some newspaper. It's - almost dead sure that both of these men will be out of the way in a year - or so. Norris wants to be protected, and it's up to you and me to do it.” - </p> - <p> - “Personally I do not see the object,” I insisted. “Protecting him from one - assault only exposes him to another.” - </p> - <p> - “You see, the daughter isn't married yet, and we'd better protect the name - until she's out of the way, anyhow. That girl can go to Europe and take - her pick. She's good enough for any title. But if this came out it would - hurt her chances.” - </p> - <p> - “Mr. Wilton, I congratulate you,” was my remark. - </p> - <p> - “I thought you would see the point,” he answered, with a smile. - </p> - <p> - “I am thinking not of the point, but of your philanthropy. It is - beautiful. Do you sleep well nights?” - </p> - <p> - “Very,” he answered, with a quick glance into my eyes. - </p> - <p> - “I should think that the troubles of the world would keep you awake.” - </p> - <p> - His face flushed a little, and then he smiled. “You lawyers have no - suspicion of the amount of goodness there is in the world—you're - always looking for rascals,” he said. - </p> - <p> - “But we have wandered. Let us take the nearest road to Rome. You say they - must have money to-day.” - </p> - <p> - “Before three o'clock.” - </p> - <p> - “We'll give them ten thousand dollars—not a cent more. You must tell - them to use it gently, for it's the last they'll get from us. To whom - shall I draw the check?” - </p> - <p> - “To me—Lysander Wilton,” he answered, with a look of relief. - </p> - <p> - I gave him the check. He put on his coat and began to purr again; he was - glad to know me, and rightly thought that he could turn some business my - way. - </p> - <p> - As he left my office I went to one of the front windows and took out my - handkerchief. The fog-whistle blew a blast that swept sea and land with - its echoes. In a moment I saw a certain clever, keen-eyed man who was - studying current history under the direction of Prof. William J. Bums come - out of a door opposite and walk at a leisurely pace down the main street - of Pointview toward the station. He was now taking the first steps in a - systematic effort to see what was in and behind the man Wilton. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0004" id="link2H_4_0004"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - III.—IN WHICH A MAN IS SEEN HOLDING DOWN THE BUSHEL THAT HIDES HIS - LIGHT - </h2> - <p class="pfirst"> - <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>HE first thing I - desired was the history of Wilton. He knew more about us than we knew - about him, and that didn't seem to be fair or even necessary. In fact, I - felt sure that his little world would yield valuable knowledge if properly - explored. I knew that there were lions and tigers in it. - </p> - <p> - I learned that Wilton had proceeded forthwith to a certain apartment house - on the upper west side of New York, in which he remained until - dinner-time, when he came out with a well-dressed woman and drove in a cab - to Martin's. The two spent a careless night, which ended at four a.m. in a - gambling-house, where Wilton had lost nine hundred dollars. Next day, - about noon, his well-dressed woman friend came out of the house and was - trailed to a bank, where she cashed a check for five hundred dollars. We - learned there that this woman was an actress and that her balance was - about eighty-five hundred dollars. - </p> - <p> - Three months passed, and I got no further news of the man, save that he - had gone to Chicago and that our trailers had gone with him. - </p> - <p> - “Our Western office now has the matter in hand,” so the agency wrote me. - “They are doing their work with extreme care. Fresh men took up the trail - every day, until one of our ablest became a trusted confidant of Wilton.” - </p> - <p> - The whole matter rested in the files of my office, and I had not thought - of it until one day Norris sent for me and, on my arrival at his house, - showed me a telegram. It was from the President of the United States, - whose career he had assisted in one way and another. It offered him the - post of Minister to a European court. The place was one of the great - prizes. - </p> - <p> - “Of course you will accept it?” I said. - </p> - <p> - “I should like to,” he answered, “but isn't it curious that fame is one of - the things which fate denies me. I wouldn't dare take it.” - </p> - <p> - I understood him and said nothing. - </p> - <p> - “You see, I cannot be a big man. I must keep myself as <i>little</i> as - possible.” - </p> - <p> - “The joys of littleness are very great, as the mouse remarked at the - battle of Gettysburg; but they are not for you,” I said. “He that humbleth - himself shall be exalted.” - </p> - <p> - “He that humbleth himself shall avoid trouble—that's the way it hits - me,” he said. “I could have been Secretary of the Treasury a few years - back if I had dared. I must let everything alone which is likely to stir - up my history. Suppose the President should suddenly discover that he had - an ex-convict in his Cabinet? Do you think he could stand that, great as - he is? He would rightly say that I had tricked and deceived and disgraced - him. What would the newspapers say, and what would people think of me? - Potter, I've made a study of this thing we call civilization. It's a big - thing—I do not underestimate it—but it isn't big enough to - forgive a man who has served his term.” - </p> - <p> - “Yes, I know; some of us are always looking for a thief inside the honest - man,” was my answer. “We ought to be looking for the honest man inside the - thief, as Chesterton puts it.” - </p> - <p> - “That's a good idea!” he exclaimed. “Find me one. I'd like to use him to - teach this world a lesson. I'd pay you a handsome salary as Diogenes. If - you succeed once I'll astonish you with generosity.” - </p> - <p> - “I should like to help you to get rid of some of this money of yours,” I - said. - </p> - <p> - “You can begin this morning,” he went on. “I'm going to give you some - notes for a new will. Suppose you sit down at the table there.” - </p> - <p> - I spent the rest of that day taking notes, and was astonished at the - amount of his property and the breadth of his spirit. He had got his start - in the mining business, and with surprising insight had invested his - earnings in real estate, oil-lands, railroad stocks, and steel-mills. - </p> - <p> - “I have always believed in America, and America has made me rich,” he said - to me. - </p> - <p> - “Before the Spanish War and in every panic, when no man seemed to want her - securities, I have bought them freely, and I own them today. With our - growing trade and fruitful lands I wonder that all thinking men did not - share my confidence. If America had gone to smash I should have gone with - her. I shall stick to the old ship.” - </p> - <p> - One paragraph of the will has begun to make history. It has appeared in - the newspapers, but no account of my friend should omit it, and therefore - I present its wording here: - </p> - <p> - “There are many points of greatness in the Christian faith, but the - greatest of all is charity. I conceive that the best argument for the - heathen is that of wheat and com. I therefore direct that the sum of five - million dollars be set aside and invested by the trustees of this will and - that its proceeds be applied to the relief of the distressing poverty of - unconverted peoples, wherever they may be, in the discretion of said - trustees; and when said relief is applied it shall be done as the act of - 'A Christian friend in America.' It is my wish that wherever practicable - in the judgment of said trustees this relief shall be applied through the - establishment of industries in which the needy shall be employed at fair - wages.” - </p> - <p> - I had finished my notes for the will, and my friend and I were sitting - comfortably by the open fire, when his wife entered the room and sat down - with us. - </p> - <p> - “Have you told Mr. Potter about the bank offer?” she inquired of her - husband. - </p> - <p> - “No, my dear,” he answered. - </p> - <p> - “May I tell him?” - </p> - <p> - “Certainly.” - </p> - <p> - “Mr. Potter, the presidency of a great bank has been offered to my - husband, and I think that he ought to take it.” - </p> - <p> - “Oh, I have work enough here at home—all I can do,” he said. - </p> - <p> - “But you will not have much to do there—only a little consulting - once a week or so, and they say that you can talk to them here if you - wish.” - </p> - <p> - “It's too much responsibility,” he answered. - </p> - <p> - “But it's so respectable,” she urged. “My heart is set on it. They tell me - that, next to Mr. Morgan, you would be the greatest power in American - finance. We should all be so proud of you.” - </p> - <p> - “I couldn't wish you to be any more proud of me,” he answered, tenderly. - </p> - <p> - “But, naturally, we want you to be as great as you can, Whitfield,” she - went on. “This would mean so much to me and to Gwendolyn.” - </p> - <p> - He rose wearily, with a glance into my eyes which I perfectly understood, - and went to his wife and kissed her and said: - </p> - <p> - “My dear, I am sure that Mr. Potter will agree with me.” - </p> - <p> - “Unreservedly,” was my answer. - </p> - <p> - I knew then that this ambitious woman was as ignorant as the cattle in - their farmyard of the greater honors which he had declined. - </p> - <p> - She rose and left the room with a look of disappointment. How far the - urgency of his wife and other misguided friends may have gone I know not, - but I have reason to believe that it put him to his wit's ends. - </p> - <p> - I am sure that it was the most singular situation in which a lawyer was - ever consulted. My client's high character had commanded the love and - confidence of all who knew him well, and this love and confidence were - pushing him into danger. His own character was the wood of the cross on - which he was being crucified. - </p> - <p> - That week I appeared for Norris in a case of some importance in New York. - One day in court a letter was put in my hands from the editor of a great - newspaper. It requested that I should call upon him that day or appoint an - hour when he could see me at my hotel. I went to his office. - </p> - <p> - “Is it true that Norris is to be our new minister to—?” he asked. - </p> - <p> - “It is not true,” I said. - </p> - <p> - “Is it true that he served a term in an Illinois prison?” - </p> - <p> - “Why do you ask?” - </p> - <p> - “For the reason that a story to that effect is now in this office.” - </p> - <p> - It was a critical moment, and I did not know how to behave myself. - </p> - <p> - “I mean that a man has submitted the story—he wishes to sell it,” he - added. - </p> - <p> - “Forgive me if I speak a piece to you,” I said. “It will be short and to - the point.” - </p> - <p> - As nearly as I could remember them I repeated the noble lines of Whitman: - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “And still goes one, saying, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - 'What will ye give me and I will deliver this man unto - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - you?' - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And they make the covenant and pay the pieces of silver, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The old, old fee... paid for the Son of Mary. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p> - “If there's any descendant of Judas Iscariot on this paper I shall see to - it that his name and relationship are made known,” I added. - </p> - <p> - “We have not bought the article, and it is not likely that we shall,” said - he. “If you wish to answer my question I shall make no use of your words.” - </p> - <p> - There are times when one has to act and act promptly on his own judgment, - and when the fate of a friend is in the balance it is a hard thing to do. - So I quickly chose my landing and jumped. - </p> - <p> - “I have only this to say,” I answered. “Mr. Norris served a term in prison - when he was a boy, but the facts are of such a nature that it wouldn't be - safe for you to publish any part of them.” - </p> - <p> - I saw a query in his eye as he looked at me, and I went on: - </p> - <p> - “They are loaded—that's the reason—loaded to the muzzle, and - they'd come pretty near blowing up your establishment. You know my - reputation possibly.” - </p> - <p> - “Oh, very well.” - </p> - <p> - “Then you know that I am not in the habit of going off at half-cock. I - tell you the facts would put you squarely on the Judas roll, and it isn't - a popular part to play. Briefly, the facts are: Norris suffered for a - friend, and that puts him on a plane so high that it isn't safe to touch - him.” - </p> - <p> - “On your word, Mr. Potter, I will do what I can to kill the story—now - and hereafter,” said he. “The young man who wrote it is a decent fellow - and will soon be in my employ. But of course Norris will decline to be put - in high places.” - </p> - <p> - Even this enlightened editor saw that a man who had suffered prison blight - was a kind of frost-bitten plum. I left him with a feeling of - discouragement in the world and its progress. - </p> - <p> - Before a week had passed I was summoned to the home of Norris and found - him ill in bed. He was in the midst of a nervous breakdown which had - seemed to begin with a critical attack of indigestion. It wearied him even - to sign and execute his will, and I saw him for only a few minutes, and - not again for months. - </p> - <p> - He improved rapidly, and one day Gwendolyn Norris called at my office. - </p> - <p> - The family were sailing for Hamburg within a week to spend the rest of the - winter at Carlsbad and Saint Moritz. She said: - </p> - <p> - “Father wishes me to begin my business career, and so I've been looking - after the details, and you must tell me if there's anything that I have - forgotten.” - </p> - <p> - I went over all the arrangements regarding cats and dogs and horses and - tickets and hotel accommodations, and then asked, playfully: - </p> - <p> - “What provision have you made for the young men you are leaving?” - </p> - <p> - “There's only, one,” said she, with laughing eyes, “and he can take care - of himself. He doesn't seem to need any of my help. But he's fine. I - recommend him to you as a friend.” - </p> - <p> - “Yes, I understand. You want me to get his confidence and see that he goes - to bed early and doesn't forget his friends.” - </p> - <p> - She blushed and laughed, and added: - </p> - <p> - “Or get into bad company!” - </p> - <p> - “You're a regular ward politician!” I said. “Don't worry. I'll keep my eye - on him.” - </p> - <p> - “You don't even know his name,” she declared. - </p> - <p> - “Don't I? The name Richard is written all over your face.” - </p> - <p> - “How uncanny!” she exclaimed. “I'm going to leave you.” Then she added, - with a playful look in her eyes, “You know it's a dangerous place for - American girls who—who are unattached.” - </p> - <p> - “We don't want to frighten him.” - </p> - <p> - “It wouldn't be possible—he's awfully brave,” said she, with a merry - laugh as she left me. - </p> - <p> - That was the last I saw of them before they sailed. - </p> - <p> - My friend had taken his doctor with him, and soon the latter wrote me from - the mountain resort that Norris had improved, but that I must not appeal - to him in any matter of business. All excitement would be bad for him, and - if it came suddenly might lead to fatal results. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0005" id="link2H_4_0005"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - IV.—A RATHER SWIFT ADVENTURE WITH THE PIRATE - </h2> - <p class="pfirst"> - <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">M</span>IDWINTER had - arrived when the checked current of our little history became active - again. My wife had thought that our life in Pointview was a trifle - sluggish, and we had been in town for two weeks. I had recommended the - Waldorf-Castoria as being good for sluggish livers, but Betsey preferred - the Manhattan. We were there when this telegram reached me from Chicago. - </p> - <p> - <i>W. left for N. Y. this morning, broke. He will call on you. Important - news by mail.</i> - </p> - <p> - I expected to have some fun with him, and did. - </p> - <p> - The same mail brought the “important news” and a note from Wilton, which - said: - </p> - <p> - <i>I must see you within twenty-four hours. The need is pressing. Please - wire appointment.</i> - </p> - <p> - Many salient points in the career of Wilton lay before me. It's singular - how much it may cost to learn the history of one little man. For half the - sum that I was to pay for Wilton's record a commonplace intellect should - have been able to acquire every important fact in the history of the - world. Wilton, whose real name was Muggs, was wanted in Mexico for grand - larceny, and very grand larceny at that, for he had absconded twelve years - before with twenty thousand dollars belonging to the business in which he - had been engaged. They had got their clue from a letter which he had - carelessly left in his coat-pocket when he entered a Turkish bath, but of - that part of the matter I need say no more. It was quite likely that he - was wanted in other places, but this was want enough for my purpose. - </p> - <p> - It was Saturday, and Betsey had gone to Pointview; I was to follow her - that evening for the week-end. No fog that day. The sun was shining in - clear air. - </p> - <p> - When Wilton came my program had been arranged. It began as soon as he - entered my room. The cat was purring when suddenly the dog jumped at her. - It was the dog in my voice as I said: - </p> - <p> - “Good morning, you busted philanthropist! Why didn't you tell me at once - that your name was Muggs. You might have saved me the expense of employing - a dozen detectives to learn what you could have told me in five minutes. - As a saint you're a failure. Why didn't you tell me that they wanted you - down in Mexico?” - </p> - <p> - The cat was gone—jumped out of the open window, perhaps. I never saw - her again. Muggs stood unmasked before me. He was a man now. His face - changed color. His right hand went up to his brow, and then, as if - wondering what it was there for, began deftly smoothing his hair, while - his lower lip came up to the tips of his cropped mustache. His eyelids - quivered slightly. The fingers in that telltale hand began to tremble like - a flag of distress. - </p> - <p> - In a second, before he had time to recover, I swung again, and very - vigorously. - </p> - <p> - “If you're going to save yourself you haven't a minute to lose. The - detectives want that reward, and they're after you. They telephoned me not - ten minutes ago. I'll do what I can for you, but I make one condition.” - </p> - <p> - “Excuse me,” he said, as he pulled himself together. “I didn't know that - you had such a taste for history.” - </p> - <p> - “I love to study the history of philanthropists,” I said. “Yours thrilled - me. I couldn't stop till I got to this minute. You're just beginning a new - chapter, and I want you to give it a heading right now. Shall it be - 'Prison Life' or 'In the Way of Reform'?” - </p> - <p> - Again the man spoke. - </p> - <p> - “As God's my witness, I want to live honest,” said he. - </p> - <p> - “Then I'll try to help you.” - </p> - <p> - I have always thought with admiration of his calmness as he looked down at - me with a face that said, “I surrender,” and a tongue that said: - </p> - <p> - “May I use your bath-room for one minute?” - </p> - <p> - “Certainly,” was my answer. - </p> - <p> - He entered the bath-room and closed its door behind him. - </p> - <p> - I had begun to fear that he might have rashly decided to jump into - eternity from my bath-room when he reappeared with no mustache and a gray - beard on his chin. Then, as if by chance, he took my hat and gray summer - top-coat from the peg, where they had been hanging, said “Good-by,” and - walked hurriedly out of my door and down the corridor. - </p> - <p> - I had hesitated a little between my duty to Mexico and my duty to Norris, - but I felt, and rightly, as I believe, that my client should come first, - for I am rather human. But how about the reward? I thought. Well, that was - none of my funeral. Shorn of his pull, he was now in the thorny path of - the fugitive, and so I let him go. - </p> - <p> - I tried to work, but work was out of the question for me that morning. I - went for a walk, and on my return sat down with my paper. Among the items - in its cable news was the following: - </p> - <p> - <i>Whitfield Norris and his family are at the Grand Hotel in Rome. His - daughter, Miss Gwendolyn, whose beauty and wealth, as well as her amiable - disposition, have attracted many suitors, is said to be engaged to the - young Count Carola.</i> - </p> - <p> - What I said to myself is not one of the things which should appear in a - book, and I wish only to suggest enough of it here to put me on record. - </p> - <p> - Soon after one o'clock I was called to the 'phone by my secretary, who had - followed Muggs when he left my room. At the time I gave my man his orders - I did not know, of course, how my interview would turn out, and so, with a - lawyer's prudence, I had decided to keep track of Muggs. When he settled - down or left the city my young man was to report, and so: - </p> - <p> - “Hello,” came his voice on the telephone. - </p> - <p> - “Hello! What news?” I asked. - </p> - <p> - “Our friend has just sailed on the <i>Caronia</i> for England.” - </p> - <p> - “All right,” I said, and then: “Hold on! Find out if there is a fast ship - sailing to-night, and if so engage good quarters for two.” - </p> - <p> - I sat down to get my breath. - </p> - <p> - “How deft and wonderful!” I whispered. “It takes a good lawyer to keep up - with him.” - </p> - <p> - The man was on his way to Italy for another whack at Norris, and I had - been thinking that he was broke. He would resume his philanthropic rôle in - Italy and probably scare Norris to death. He had, of course, read that - fool item in some paper. There was but one thing for me to do: I must get - there first and meet him in the corridor of the Grand Hotel upon his - arrival. Fortunately, my business was pretty well cleaned up in - preparation for a long rest of which we had been talking. - </p> - <p> - I telephoned to Betsey that we should probably go abroad that night and - that she must get her trunks packed and on the way to the city as soon as - possible. - </p> - <p> - “But my summer clothes are not ready!” she exclaimed. - </p> - <p> - “Never mind clothes,” I answered. “Breech-cloths will do until we can get - to Europe, and there's any amount of clothing for sale on the other side - of the pond. Chuck some things into a couple of trunks and stamp 'em down - and come on. We'll meet here at six.” - </p> - <p> - Then I thought of my talk with Gwendolyn, and telephoned to young Forbes - and told him that I was going to Italy, and asked: - </p> - <p> - “Any message to send?” - </p> - <p> - “Sure,” said he. “I'll come down to see you.” - </p> - <p> - “We dine at seven,” I said. - </p> - <p> - “Put on a plate for me,” he requested. - </p> - <p> - I had scarcely hung up the receiver when the bell rang and my secretary - notified me that he had engaged a good room on the <i>Toltec</i>, and - would be at my hotel in twenty minutes. - </p> - <p> - I went down to the office and wrote a cablegram to Norris, in which I said - that we were going over to see the country and would call on him within - ten days. - </p> - <p> - To pay the charges I took out my pocket-book. There was no money in it. - What had happened to me? There had been two one-hundred-dollar bills in - the book when I had paid for last evening's dinner; now it held nothing - but a slip of paper neatly folded. I opened it and read these words - written with a pencil: - </p> - <p> - <i>Thanks. This is the last call. M.</i> - </p> - <p> - Then I remembered that yesterday's trousers had been hanging in the - bath-room with my money in the right-hand pocket when Muggs was there. I - had got the book and taken it with me when I went for a walk. - </p> - <p> - “He may be a busted philanthropist, but he's not a busted thief,” I mused. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0006" id="link2H_4_0006"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - V.—IN WHICH WE HAVE AN AMUSING VOYAGE - </h2> - <p class="pfirst"> - <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">B</span>ETSEY had been a - bit disturbed by the swiftness of my plans. On her arrival in town she - said to me: - </p> - <p> - “Look here, Socrates Potter, I'm no longer a colt, and you'll have to - drive slower. What are you up to, anyway?” - </p> - <p> - “A surprise-party!” I answered. “Cheer up! It's our honeymoon trip. I've - decided that after a man has married a woman it's his duty to get well - acquainted with her. What's the use of having a breastful of love and - affection and no time to show it. To begin with we shall have the best - dinner this hotel affords.” - </p> - <p> - Our table, which had been well adorned with flowers, awaited us, and we - sat down to dinner. Richard Forbes came while we were eating our oysters - and joined us. - </p> - <p> - We talked of many things, and while we were eating our dessert I sailed - into the subject nearest my heart by saying: - </p> - <p> - “I kind o' guessed that you'd want to send a message.” - </p> - <p> - “How did you know it?” he asked. - </p> - <p> - “Oh, by sundry looks and glances of your eye when I saw you last.” - </p> - <p> - “They didn't deceive you,” said he. “Tell them that they may see me in - Rome before long. Miss Norris was kind enough to say in a letter that they - would be glad to see me. I haven't answered yet. You might gently break - the news of my plan and let me know how they stand it.” - </p> - <p> - “I'll give them your affectionate regard—that's as far as I am - willing to go—and I'll tell them to prepare for your presence. If - they show evidence of alarm I'll let you know. I kind o' mistrust that you - may be needed there and—and wanted.” - </p> - <p> - “No joking now!” he warned me. - </p> - <p> - “Those titled chaps are likely to get after her, and I may want you to - help me head 'em off. You'd be a silly feller to let them grab the prize.” - </p> - <p> - “The trouble is my fortune isn't made,” said he. “I'm getting along, but I - can't afford to get married yet.” - </p> - <p> - “Don't worry about that,” I begged him. “Our young men all seem to be - thinking about money and nothing else. Quit it. Keep out of this great - American thought-trust. Any girl that isn't willing to take hold and help - you make your fortune isn't worth having. Don't let the vine of your - thoughts go twining around the money-pole. If you do they'll make you a - prisoner.” - </p> - <p> - “But she is used to every luxury.” - </p> - <p> - “And probably will be glad to try something new. Her mama is not looking - for riches, but noble blood, I suppose. Norris's girl looks good to me—nice - way of going, as they used to say of the colts. We ought to be able to - offer her as high an order of nobility as there is in Europe.” - </p> - <p> - “I'm very common clay,” the boy answered, with a laugh. - </p> - <p> - “And the molding is up to you,” I said, as we rose to go. - </p> - <p> - “Tell them that Gwendolyn's heart is American territory and that I shall - stand for no violation of the Monroe Doctrine,” said he. - </p> - <p> - We bade him good-by and went aboard the steamer in as happy a mood as if - we had spent six months instead of six hours getting ready. So our voyage - began. - </p> - <p> - Going over we felt the strong tides of the spirit which carry so many of - our countrymen to the Old World. The <i>Toltec</i> was crowded with - tourists of the All-Europe-in-three-weeks variety. There were others, but - these were a small minority. Every passenger seemed to be loaded, beyond - the Plimsoll mark, with conversation, and in the ship's talk were all the - spiritual symptoms of America. - </p> - <p> - We chose partners and went into the business of visiting. The sea shook - her big, round sides, immensely tickled, I should say, by the gossip. Our - ship was a moving rialto. We swapped stories and exchanged sentiments; we - traded hopes and secrets; we cranked up and opened the gas-valve and raced - into autobiography. Each got a memorable bargain. We were almost dishonest - with our generosity. - </p> - <p> - “Ship ahoy!” we shouted to every man who came our way and noted his - tonnage and cargo, his home port and destination. - </p> - <p> - How American! God bless us all! - </p> - <p> - Within forty-eight hours it seemed to me that everybody knew everybody - else, except Lord and Lady Dorris, who were aboard, and the adoring group - that surrounded them. - </p> - <p> - The big, wide-world thought-trust was well represented in the - smoking-room. There were business men and boys just out of college, all - expressing themselves in terms of profit and loss—the wealth of this - or that man and how he got it, the effect of legislation upon business, - and all that kind of thing. Thirty-five years ago such a company would - have been talking of the last speeches of Conkling and Ingersoll or the - last poems of Whittier and Tennyson. - </p> - <p> - There were many keynotes in the conversation. If one sat down with a book - in the reading-room he would abandon it for the better display of human - nature in the crowd around him. There were some twoscore women all talking - at the same time, each drenching the other in the steady flow of her - conversational hose. The plan of it all seemed to be very generous—everybody - giving and nobody receiving anything. I used to think that among women - talk was for display or relief, and whispering for the transfer of - intelligence. Since I got married I know better: women have a sixth sense - by which they can acquire knowledge without listening in a talk-fest. They - miss nothing. - </p> - <p> - It was interesting to observe how the edges of the conversations impinged - upon one another, like the circles made by a handful of pebbles flung from - a bridge into water. Now and then some strong-voiced lady dropped a rock - into the pool, and the spatter went to both shores. The spray advertised - the thought-trusts of the women: - </p> - <p> - “I felt so sorry for poor Mabel! There wasn't a young man in the party.” - </p> - <p> - “It was a capital operation, but I pulled through.” - </p> - <p> - “Yes, I've wanted to go to Italy ever since I saw 'Romeo and Juliet.' - Those Italians are wonderful lovers.” - </p> - <p> - “It was so ridiculous to be throwing her at his head, and she with a weak - heart and only one lung!” - </p> - <p> - “I don't know how I spend it, but somehow it goes.” - </p> - <p> - “Oh, they have been abroad, but anybody can do that these days.” - </p> - <p> - “Poor man! I feel sorry for him—she's terribly extravagant.” - </p> - <p> - “We don't see much of our home these days.” - </p> - <p> - “My twentieth trip across the ocean.” - </p> - <p> - “Our children are in boarding-schools, and my husband is living at his - club.” - </p> - <p> - I wanted to smoke and excused myself from Betsey and went out on the deck, - now more than half deserted, and stood looking off at the night. Family - history was pouring out of the state-room windows, and I could not help - hearing it. Grandma, slightly deaf, was saying to her daughter: - </p> - <p> - “Lizzie must be more careful when those young men come to the door. This - morning she wasn't half dressed when she opened it.” - </p> - <p> - “Oh yes, she was.” - </p> - <p> - “No, she wasn't; I took particular notice. And every morning she wets her - hair in my perfumery. Then, sadly, It's almost gone.” - </p> - <p> - I knew enough about the sins of Lizzie, and moved on and took a new stand. - </p> - <p> - An elderly lumber merchant from Michigan was saying to his companion in a - loud voice: - </p> - <p> - “Yes, I retired ten years ago. I am studying the history of the world—all - about the life of the world, especially the life of the ancients.” - </p> - <p> - I moved on to escape a comparison of the careers of Alexander and - Napoleon, and settled down in a dusky corner near which a lady was giving - an account of the surgical operations which had been performed upon her. - So the conversation, which had begun at daybreak, went on into the night. - It was all very human—very American. - </p> - <p> - The Litchmans of Chicago had rooms opposite ours. Every night six or eight - pairs of shoes, each decorated with a colored ribbon to distinguish it - from the common run of shoes, were ranged in a row outside their door. The - lady had forty-two hats—so I was told—and all of them were - neatly aired in the course of the voyage. The upper end of her system was - not a head, but a hat-holder. - </p> - <p> - Their family of four children was established in a room next to ours. As a - whole, it was the most harmonious and efficient yelling-machine of which I - have any knowledge. Its four cylinders worked like one. At dinner it - filled its tanks with cheese and cakes and nuts and jellies and milk, and - was thus put into running order for the night. It is wonderful how many - yells there are in a relay of cheese and cake and nuts and jelly and milk. - When we got in bed the machine cranked up, backed out of the garage, and - went shrieking up the hill to midnight and down the slope to - breakfast-time, stopping briefly now and then for repairs. - </p> - <p> - A deaf lady next morning declared that she had heard the fog-whistles - blowing all night. - </p> - <p> - “Fog-whistles! We didn't need 'em,” said Betsey. - </p> - <p> - It was a symptom of America with which I had been unfamiliar. - </p> - <p> - We were astonished at the number of manless women aboard that ship. Many - were much-traveled widows whose husbands had fallen in the hard battles of - American life; some, I doubt not, like the battle of Norris, with hidden - worries that feed, like rats, on the strength of a man. - </p> - <p> - Many of the women were handsome daughters and sleek, well-fed mamas whose - husbands could not leave the struggle—often the desperate struggle—for - fame and fortune. - </p> - <p> - There were elderly women—well upholstered grandmamas—generally - traveling in pairs. - </p> - <p> - One of them, a slim, garrulous, and affectionate lady well past her prime, - was immensely proud of her feet. She was Mrs. Fraley, from Terre Haute—“a - daughter of dear old Missouri,” she explained. It seemed that her feet had - retained their pristine beauty through all vicissitudes, and been - complimented by sundry distinguished observers. One evening she said to - Betsey: - </p> - <p> - “Come down to my state-room, dearest dear, and I will show you my feet.” - </p> - <p> - She always seemed to be seeking astonishment, and was often exclaiming - “Indeed!” or “How wonderful!” and I hadn't told any lies either. - </p> - <p> - We met also Mrs. Mullet, of Sioux City, a gay and copious widow of middle - age, who appeared in the ship's concert with dark eyes well underscored to - give them proper emphasis. She was a well-favored, sentimental lady with - thick, wavy, brown hair. Her thoughts were also a bit wavy, but Betsey - formed a high opinion of her. Mrs. Mullet was a neat dresser and resembled - a fashion-plate. Her talk was well dressed in English accents. She often - looked thoughtfully at my chin when we talked together, as if she were - estimating its value as a site for a stand of whiskers. It was her - apparent knowledge of art which interested Betsey. She talked art - beautiful, as Sam Henshaw used to say, and was going to Italy to study it. - </p> - <p> - There were schoolma'ams going over to improve their minds, and romping, - sweetfaced girls setting out to be instructed in art or music, beyond - moral boundaries, and knowing not that they would take less harm among the - lions and hyenas of eastern Africa. When will our women learn that the - centers of art and music in Europe are generally the exact centers of - moral leprosy? - </p> - <p> - There were stately, dignified, and inhuman people of the seaboard - aristocracy of the East—the Europeans of America, who see only the - crudeness of their own land. They have been dehorned—muleyed into - freaks by degenerate habits of mind and body. A certain passenger called - them the “Eunuchs of democracy,” but I wouldn't be so intemperate with the - truth. One of them was the Lady Dorris, daughter of a New York - millionaire, who came out of her own apartments one evening to peer - laughingly into the dining-saloon, and say: - </p> - <p> - “I love to look at them; they're so very, very curious!” - </p> - <p> - Yes, we have a few Europeans in America, but I suspect that Europe is more - than half American. - </p> - <p> - Then there was Mr. Pike, the lumber king, from Prairie du Chien, who - stroked his whiskers when he talked to me and looked me over from head to - toe as if calculating the amount of good timber in me. He had retired, - jumped from the lumber business into ancient history, and was now - reporting the latest news from Tyre and Babylon. - </p> - <p> - In this environment of character we proceeded with nothing to do but - observe it, and with no suspicion that we were being introduced to the - persons of a drama in which we were to play our parts in Italy. - </p> - <p> - So now, then, the orchestra has ceased playing and the curtain is up - again, and, with all these people on the stage, in the middle of the ocean - word goes around the decks that there is a ship off the port side very - near us. We look and observe that we are passing her. It is the <i>Caronia</i>, - and we ride the seas with a better sense of comfort, knowing that Wilton - is behind us. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0001" id="linkimage-0001"> </a> - </p> - <div class="fig" style="width:50%;"> - <img src="images/0077.jpg" alt="0077m " width="100%" /><br /> - </div> - <h5> - <a href="images/0077.jpg"><img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a> - </h5> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0007" id="link2H_4_0007"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - VI.—WE ARRIVE IN THE LAND OF LOVE AND SONG - </h2> - <p class="pfirst"> - <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">H</span>ERE we are in Rome - on the tenth day of our journey at three in the afternoon! Jiminy - Christmas! How I felt the need of language! I had given my leisure on the - train to the careful study of a conversation-book, but the conversation I - acquired was not extensive enough to satisfy every need of a man born in - northern New England. It was too polite. There were a number of men who - quarreled over us and our baggage in the station at Rome, and I had to do - all my swearing with the aid of a dictionary. I found it too slow to be of - any use. We were rescued soon by Mrs. Norris and her footman, who took us - to the Grand Hotel. Gwendolyn met us in the hall of their apartment, and I - delivered Forbes's message. - </p> - <p> - “You may kiss me!” she exclaimed, joyously. - </p> - <p> - “I do it for him,” I said. - </p> - <p> - “Then do it again,” said she. - </p> - <p> - That's the kind of a girl she was—up and a-coming!—and that's - the kind of a man I am—obliging to the point of generosity at the - proper moment. - </p> - <p> - The reputation of the Norrises gave us standing, and we were soon marching - in step and sowing our francs in a rattling shower with the great caravan - of American blood-hunters. - </p> - <p> - Norris himself was in better health than I had hoped to find him, and - three days later he drove me to Tivoli in his motor-car. - </p> - <p> - As we were leaving the hotel the porter said to Norris: - </p> - <p> - “An American gentleman called to see you about an hour ago. He was very - urgent, and I told him that I thought you had gone to Tivoli.” - </p> - <p> - “Not gone, but going,” said Norris. “There's a grain of truth in what you - said, but I suppose you meant well.” - </p> - <p> - He handed the porter a coin and added: - </p> - <p> - “You must never be able to guess where I am.” - </p> - <p> - In the course of our long ride across the Campagna I made my report and he - made his. I told the whole story of Muggs and how at length the man had - given me a good, full excuse for my play-spell. - </p> - <p> - “I suppose that he will be after us again here,” said Norris. - </p> - <p> - “Don't worry,” I answered; “you'll find me a capable watch-dog. It will - only be necessary for me to bark at him once or twice.” - </p> - <p> - “You're an angel of mercy,” said my friend. “I couldn't bear the sight of - him now. It isn't the money involved; it's his devilish smoothness and the - twitch of the bull-ring and the peril I am in of losing my temper and of - doing something to—to be regretted.” - </p> - <p> - “Let me be secretary of your interior also,” I proposed, and added: “I can - get mad enough for both of us, and I have a growing stock of cuss words.” - </p> - <p> - My assurance seemed to set Norris at rest, and I called for his report. - </p> - <p> - “Mine is a longer story,” he began. “First we went to Saint Moritz—beautiful - place, six thousand feet up in the mountains—and it agreed with me. - We found two kinds of Americans there—the idle rich who came to play - with the titled poor and the homeless. Everywhere in Europe one finds - homeless people from our country—a wandering, pathetic tribe of - well-to-do gipsies. Among the idle rich are maidens with great prospects - and planning mamas, and rich widows looking for live noblemen with the - money of dead grocers, rum merchants, and contractors. They're all - searching for 'blood,' as they call it. - </p> - <p> - “'I can't marry an American,' one of them said to me; 'I want a man of - blood. These men are of ancient families that have made history, and they - know how to make love, too.' - </p> - <p> - “Impoverished dukes, marquises, princes, barons, counts, from the purlieus - of aristocratic Europe, throng about them. These noblemen are professional - marryers, and all for sale. The bob-sled and the toboggan are implements - of their craft, symbols of the rapid pace. Unfortunately, they are often - the meeting-place of youthful innocence and utter depravity, of glowing - health and incurable disease. Maidens and marquises, barons and widows, - counts and young married women, traveling alone, sit dovetailed on - bob-sleds and toboggans, and, locked in a complex embrace, this tangle of - youth and beauty, this interwoven mass of good and evil, rushes down the - slippery way. In the swift, curving flight, by sheer hugging, they - overcome the tug of centrifugal force. It is a long hug and a strong hug. - Thus, courtship is largely a matter of sliding. - </p> - <p> - “Then there are the dances. I do not need to describe them. At Saint - Moritz they go to the limit. Fifteen years ago when Chuck Connors and his - friends practised these dances in a Bowery dive respectable citizens - turned away with disgust. Since then the idle rich who explore the - underworld have begun to imitate its dances, which were intended to - suggest the morals of the dog-kennel and the farmyard and which have - achieved some success in that direction. Unfortunately, the idle rich are - well advertised. If they were to wear rings in their noses the practice - would soon become fashionable. - </p> - <p> - “Well, you see, it was no place for my girl. I sent her away with Mrs. - Mushtop to Rome, but not until a young Italian count had got himself in - love with my money.” - </p> - <p> - “Count Carola?” I asked. - </p> - <p> - “Count Carola!” said he. “How did you know?” - </p> - <p> - “Saw it in the paper.” - </p> - <p> - “The paper!” he exclaimed. “God save us from the papers as well as from - war, pestilence, and sudden death.” - </p> - <p> - “Is the count really shot in the heart?” I ventured to ask. - </p> - <p> - “Oh, he likes her as any man likes a pretty, bright-eyed girl,” Norris - went on, “but it was a part of my money that he wanted most. I had kept - her out of that crowd, and the young man hadn't met her. He had only stood - about and stared at us, and had finally asked for an introduction to me, - which I refused, greatly to my wife's annoyance. The young man followed - them to Rome, but I didn't know that he had done so until I got there. - They went around seeing things, and everywhere they went the count was - sure to go. Followed them like a dog, day in and day out. Isn't that - making it a business? His eyes were on them in every room of every - art-gallery. One day, when they stood with some friends near the - music-stand in the Pincio Gardens, the count approached Mrs. Mushtop. You - know Mrs. Mushtop; she is a good woman, but a European at heart and a - worshiper of titles. I didn't suppose that she was such a romantic old - saphead of a woman. This is what happened: the count took off his hat and - greeted her with great politeness. She was a little flattered. My daughter - turned away. - </p> - <p> - “'I suspect, myself, that you are the young lady's chaperon,' said he. - </p> - <p> - “'Yes, sir.' - </p> - <p> - “'I am in love with the beautiful, charming young lady. It is so joyful - for me to look at her. I am most unhappy unless I am near her. I have the - honor to hand you my card; I wish you to make the inquiry about my family - and my character. Then I hope that you will permission me to speak to - her.' - </p> - <p> - “Think of Mrs. Mushtop standing there and letting him go on to that - extent. - </p> - <p> - “She said, 'It would do no good, for I believe that she is engaged.' - </p> - <p> - “'That will make not any difference,' he insisted, with true Italian - simplicity; I will take my chances.' - </p> - <p> - “She foolishly kept his card, but had the good sense to turn away and - leave him. - </p> - <p> - “Mrs. Norris went on to Rome for a few days while I stayed at Saint Moritz - with my physician, mother, and secretary. You know women better than I do, - probably. Most of them like that Romeo business; that swearing by the sun, - moon, and stars—those cosmic, cross-universe measurements of love. I - don't know as I blame them, for, after all, a woman's happiness is so - dependent on the love of a husband. - </p> - <p> - “Well, those women got their heads together, and my wife thought that, on - the whole, she liked the looks of the count. He was rather slim and dusky, - but he had big, dark eyes and red cheeks and perfect teeth and a fine - bearing. So they drove to Florence, where he lived, and investigated his - pedigree and character. It was a very old family, which had played an - important part in the campaigns of Mazzini and Cavour, but its estate had - been confiscated after the first failure of the great Lombard chief, and - its fortunes were now at a low ebb. One of the count's brothers is the - head waiter in a hotel at Naples. He had sense enough to go to work, but - the count is a confirmed gentleman who rests on hopes and visions. He - reminds me of a house standing in the air with no visible means of - support. - </p> - <p> - “However, the investigation was satisfactory to my wife, and she invited - the young man to dinner at her hotel. The ladies were all captivated by - his charm, and there's no denying that the young fellow has pretty - manners. It's great to see him garnish a cup of tea or a plate of - spaghetti with conversation. His talk is pastry and bonbons. - </p> - <p> - “When I came on I found them going about with him and having a fine time. - Under his leadership my wife had visited sundry furniture and antique - shops and invested some five thousand dollars, on which, I presume, the - count received commissions sufficient to keep him in spending-money for a - while. I didn't like the count, and told them so. He's too effeminate for - me—hasn't the frank, upstanding, full-breasted, rugged, - ready-for-anything look of our American boys. But I didn't interfere; I - kept my hands off, for long ago I promised to let my wife have her way - about the girl. That reminds me we have invited young Forbes to come over - and spend a month with us.” - </p> - <p> - “Likely young fellow,” I said. - </p> - <p> - “None better,” said he; “if he had sense enough to ask Gwen to marry him - I'd be glad of it. I have refused to encourage the affair with the count, - but we find it hard to saw him off. We drove to Florence the other day, - and he followed us there and back again. He's a comer, I can tell you; we - can see him coming wherever we are. I swear a little about it now and - then, and Gwen says, 'Well, father, you don't own the road.' And Mrs. - Norris will say: 'Poor fellow! Isn't it pitiful? I'm so sorry for him!' - </p> - <p> - “His devotion to business is simply amazing—works early and late, - and don't mind going hungry. In all my life I never saw anything like it.” - </p> - <p> - We had arrived at Tivoli, and as he ceased speaking we drew up at - Hadrian's Villa and entered the ruins with a crowd of American tourists. - An energetic lady dogged the steps of the swift-moving guide with a volley - of questions which began with, “Was it before or after Christ?” By and by - she said: “I wouldn't like to have been Mrs. Hadrian. Think of covering - all these floors with carpets and keeping them clean!” - </p> - <p> - I left Norris sitting on a broken column and went on with the crowd for a - few minutes. I kept close to the energetic lady, being interested in her - talk. Suddenly she began to hop up and down on one leg and gasp for - breath. I never saw a lady hopping on one leg before, and it alarmed me. - The battalion of sightseers moved on; they seemed to be unaware of her - distress—or was it simply a lack of time? I stopped to see what I - could do for her. - </p> - <p> - “Oh, my lord! My heavens!” she shouted, as she looked at me, with both - hands on her lifted thigh. “I've got a cramp in my leg! I've got a cramp - in my leg!” - </p> - <p> - I supported the lady and spoke a comforting word or two. She closed her - eyes and rested her head on my arm, and presently put down her leg and - looked brighter. - </p> - <p> - “There, it's all right now,” said she, with a shake of her skirt. “Thanks! - Do you come from Michigan?” - </p> - <p> - “No.” - </p> - <p> - “Where do you hail from?” - </p> - <p> - “Pointview, Connecticut.” - </p> - <p> - “I'm from Flint, Michigan, and I'm just tuckered out. They keep me going - night and day. I'm making a collection of old knockers. Do you suppose - there are any shops where they keep 'em here?” - </p> - <p> - “Don't know. I'm just a pilgrim and a stranger and am not posted in the - knocker trade,” I answered. - </p> - <p> - The crowd had turned a corner; and with a swift good-by she ran after it, - fearful, I suppose, of losing some detail in the domestic life of Hadrian. - </p> - <p> - So on one leg, as it were, she enters and swiftly crosses the stage. It's - a way Providence has of preparing us for the future. To this moment's - detention I was indebted for an adventure of importance, for as she left - me I saw Muggs, the sleek, pestiferous Muggs, coming out of the old baths - on his way to the gate. He must have been the man who had called to see - Norris that morning. He turned pale with astonishment and nodded. - </p> - <p> - “Well, Muggs, here you are,” I said. - </p> - <p> - He handled himself in a remarkable fashion, for he was as cool as a - cucumber when he answered: - </p> - <p> - “I used to resemble a lot of men, and some pretty decent fellows used to - resemble me, but as soon as they saw me they quit it—got out from - under, you know. Even my photographs have quit resembling me.” - </p> - <p> - “Well, you have changed a little, but my hat and overcoat look just about - as they did,” I laughed. . - </p> - <p> - “If I didn't know it was impossible I would say that your name was - Potter,” said he. - </p> - <p> - “And if I knew it was impossible I would swear that your name was Muggs,” - I answered. - </p> - <p> - “Forget it,” said he; “in the name of God, forget it. I'm trying to live - honest, and I'm going to let you and your friends alone if you'll let me - alone. Now, that's a fair bargain.” - </p> - <p> - I hesitated, wondering at his sensitiveness. - </p> - <p> - “You owe us quite a balance, but I'm inclined to call it a bargain,” I - said. “Only be kind to that hat and coat; they are old friends of mine. I - don't care so much about the two hundred dollars.” - </p> - <p> - “Thanks,” he answered with a laugh, and went on: “I've given you proper - credit on the books. You'll hear from me as soon as I am on my feet.” - </p> - <p> - “What are you doing here?” I asked. - </p> - <p> - He answered: “Ever since I was a kid I've wanted to see the Colosseum - where men fought with lions.” - </p> - <p> - “I am sure that you would enjoy a look at Hadrian's Walk,” I said, - pointing to the tourists who had halted there as I turned away. - </p> - <p> - So we parted, and with a sense of good luck I hurried to Norris. - </p> - <p> - “I've got a crick in my back,” I said. “Let's get out of here.” - </p> - <p> - We proceeded to our motor-car at the entrance. - </p> - <p> - “This ruin is the most infamous relic in the world,” said Norris, as we - got into our car; “it stands for the grandeur of pagan hoggishness. Think - of a man who wanted all the treasures and poets and musicians and beauties - in the world for the exclusive enjoyment of himself and friends. Millions - of men gave their lives for the creation of this sublime swine-yard. - Hadrian's Villa, and others like it, broke the back of the empire. I tell - you, the world has changed, and chiefly in its sense of responsibility for - riches. Here in Italy you still find the old feudal, hog theory of riches, - which is a thing of the past in America and which is passing in England. - We have a liking for service. I tell you, Potter, my daughter ought to - marry an American who is strong in the modem impulses, and go on with my - work.” - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0008" id="link2H_4_0008"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - VII.—IN WHICH I TEACH THE DIFFICULT ART OF BEING AN AMERICAN IN - ITALY - </h2> - <p class="pfirst"> - <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">N</span>ORRIS had - overtaxed himself in this ride to Tivoli and spent the next day in his - bed. - </p> - <p> - “My conversation often has this effect,” I said, as I sat by his bedside. - “Forty miles of it is too much without a sedative. You need the assistance - of the rest of the family. Let Gwendolyn and her mother take a turn at - listening.” - </p> - <p> - “That's exactly what I propose. I want you to look after them,” he said. - “They need me now if they ever did, and I'm a broken reed. Be a friend to - them, if you can.” - </p> - <p> - I liked Norris, for he was bigger than his fortune, and you can't say that - of every millionaire. Not many suspect how a lawyer's heart can warm to a - noble client. I would have gone through fire and water for him. - </p> - <p> - “If they can stand it I can,” was my answer. “A good many people have - tried my friendship and chucked it overboard. It's like swinging an ax, - and not for women. One has to have regular rest and good natural vitality - to stand my friendship.” - </p> - <p> - “They have just stood a medical examination,” he went on. “I want you and - Mrs. Potter to see Rome with Gwendolyn and her mother and give them your - view of things. Be their guide and teacher. I hope you may succeed in - building up their Americanism, but if you conclude to turn them into - Italians I shall be content.” - </p> - <p> - “There are many things I can't do, but you couldn't find a more willing - professor of Americanism,” I declared. - </p> - <p> - So it happened that Betsey and I went with Gwendolyn and her mother for a - drive. - </p> - <p> - I am not much inclined to the phrases of romance. Being a lawyer, I hew to - the line. But I have come to a minute when my imagination pulls at the - rein as if it wanted to run away. I remember that an old colonial lawyer - refers in one of his complaints to “a most comely and winsome mayd who - with ribbands and slashed sleeves and snug garments and stockings well - knit and displayed and sundry glances of her eye did wickedly and - unlawfully work upon this man until he forgot his duty to his God, his - state, and his family,” and it is on record that this “winsome mayd” was - condemned to sit in the bilboes. - </p> - <p> - The tall, graceful, blue-eyed, blond-haired girl, opposite whom I sat in - the motor-car that day, was both comely and winsome. She innocently - “worked upon” the opposite sex until one member of it got to work upon me, - and I'm not the kind that goes around looking for trouble. Even when it - looks for me it often fails to find me. - </p> - <p> - I am a man rather firmly set in my way and well advanced upon it, but I - have to acknowledge that Gwendolyn's face kept reminding me of the best - days of my boyhood, when life itself was like a rose just opened, and the - smile of Betsey was morning sunlight. Backed by great wealth, its effect - upon the marryers of Italy can be imagined. - </p> - <p> - Gwendolyn had survived the three deadly perils of girlhood—cake, - candy, and the soda-fountain. A pony and saddle and good air to breathe - helped her to win the fight until she went to school in Munich, where a - wise matron and the spirit of the school induced her to climb mountains - and eat meat and vegetables and other articles in the diet of the sane. - Now she was a strong, red-cheeked, full-blooded young lady of twenty. In - spite of the stanch Americanism of Norris, Gwendolyn and her mother were - full of European spirit. They liked democracy, but they loved the pomp and - splendor of courts, and the sound of titles, and the glitter of swords and - uniforms. As we got into the car we observed numbers of young men staring - at us, and I spoke of it, and Gwendolyn said to me: - </p> - <p> - “I think that the young men in America are better-looking, but they are so - cold! All the girls tell me that these boys can beat them making love, and - I believe it.” - </p> - <p> - “But most of our boys have work to do,” I said. “With them love-making is - only a side issue, and it often comes at the end of a long, hard day. - These Italians seem to have nothing else to do but make love.” - </p> - <p> - “I don't see, for my part, why men who have plenty of money should have to - work,” said Mrs. Norris. “What's the use of having money if it doesn't - give you leisure for enjoyment?” - </p> - <p> - “But leisure is like dynamite—you have to be careful with it,” I - said. “For most of us it's the only danger. All deviltry begins in leisure - and ends in work, if at all. Being naturally sinful, I don't fool with it - much. Of course you women are moral giants, and you don't need to be so - scared of it.” - </p> - <p> - “You have to joke about everything,” said Mrs. Norris. “Sometimes I think - that I understand you and suddenly you begin joking, and then I lose - confidence in all you have said.” - </p> - <p> - “I mean all I say and then some more,” I declared. “I assume that you are - moral giants or that you do a lot of work secretly. No <i>man</i> could - keep his footing in the slippery path of unending leisure. In Europe - leisure is the aim of all, and where it most abounds morality is a joke. - Here blood and leisure are the timber of which all ladies and gentlemen - are made. In America we know that it's rotten timber. We have discovered - three great commandments. They are written not only on tablets of stone, - but everywhere. If they were printed across the sky they couldn't be any - plainer. You know them as well as I do.” The three ladies turned serious - eyes upon me and shook their heads. - </p> - <p> - Then I shot my bolt at them: - </p> - <p> - “They are: - </p> - <p> - “1. Get busy. - </p> - <p> - “2. Keep busy. - </p> - <p> - “3. See that it pays, which means that you are to play as well as work.” - </p> - <p> - Mrs. Norris smiled and nimbly stepped out of my way and bravely answered, - like a real rococo aristocrat: - </p> - <p> - “I fear that you are prejudiced. I should be proud to have my daughter - marry into one of these old families, not hastily, of course, but after we - have found the right man. There are splendid men in some of them, and your - best Italian is a most devoted husband. He worships his wife.” - </p> - <p> - “And if you're looking for a worshiper you couldn't find a place where the - arts of worship have been so highly developed,” I answered. “But no - American girl should be looking for a worshiper unless she's under the - impression that she created the world, and even then a doctor would do her - more good. Of course Gwendolyn would prefer a man, and what's the matter - with one of your own countrymen—Forbes, for instance?” - </p> - <p> - “I couldn't pass his examination—too difficult!” said Gwendolyn, - with a laugh. “I think that he is looking for a world-beater—a girl - who could win the first prize in a golf tournament or a beauty show or a - competition in mathematics. What chance have I? He thinks that he has got - to be a rich man before he gets married. What chance has he?” Clearly she - wanted me to know that she liked him and resented his apparent - indifference. I suppose that he had not fallen down before her, as other - boys had done, and she could not quite make him out. Probably that's why - she preferred him. - </p> - <p> - “He has wonderful self-possession,” I said. - </p> - <p> - “Yes, he'll never let go of himself. All the girls say that about him. - He's a wise youngster.” - </p> - <p> - “If he were in my place I don't believe he could hold out through the - day,” I declared. - </p> - <p> - “She does look well, doesn't she?” said Mrs. Norris, as she proudly - surveyed her daughter. “Italy agrees with her, and she loves it and the - people.” - </p> - <p> - “So do I,” was my answer. “The Italian people, who are doing the work of - Italy, are admirable. Out in the vineyards you will find young men who are - even good enough for Gwendolyn. It's these idle horse-traders that I - object to—these fellows who are trying to swap a case of spavined - respectability for a fortune.” - </p> - <p> - “Oh, you're a mountain of prejudice!” Mrs. Norris exclaimed. “Now, there's - the Princess Carrero. She was an American girl, and she is the happiest, - proudest woman in Italy. Her husband is one of the finest gentlemen I ever - met.” - </p> - <p> - “He's a dear!” Gwendolyn echoed. - </p> - <p> - “For my part I think that international marriages are a fine thing,” Mrs. - Norris went on. “They are drawing the races together into one - brotherhood.” - </p> - <p> - “But such a brotherhood will be hard on our sisterhood,” I objected. “A - wife here is the chief hired girl. Often if she doesn't mind she gets - licked, and if she's an American she must always pay the bills.” - </p> - <p> - We had come to the great church of St. Paul, beyond the ancient walls of - the city. There we left our car and passed through a crowd of insistent - beggars to enter its door. We shivered in our wraps under the great, - golden ceiling high above our heads. Its towering columns and pilasters - looked like sculptured ice. It was all so cold! - </p> - <p> - “It doesn't seem right,” I said to Mrs. Norris, “that one should get a - chill in the house of God.” - </p> - <p> - “Keep cool ought to be good advice for Christians,” said Betsey. - </p> - <p> - “But coldness and hospitality are bad companions,” I insisted. “Chilling - grandeur a people might reasonably expect from their king; but is it the - thing for a prodigal returning to his father's house?” - </p> - <p> - “But isn't it beautiful?” - </p> - <p> - Mrs. Norris wished me to agree, and I shocked her by saying: - </p> - <p> - “Beautiful, but too much like kings' palaces. The Golden House of Nero was - just this kind of thing, and it's on record that Jesus Christ had no taste - for show and glitter. I believe He called it vanity.” Mrs. Norris wore a - look of surprise. The old horse called Honesty took the bit in his teeth - then and fairly ran away with me. - </p> - <p> - “The whole difference between Europe and America is in this building,” I - said. “We no longer believe in kings or kings' palaces in heaven or upon - earth. With most of us God has ceased to be an emperor rejoicing in pomp - and splendor and adulation. We find that He likes better to dwell in a - cabin and a humble heart. We do not believe that he cares for the title of - king. We do not believe that there are any titles in heaven.” - </p> - <p> - At this point I observed a look of astonishment in the face of Mrs. - Norris, so I suddenly closed the tap of my thoughts. - </p> - <p> - Was it my philosophy? No, it was Muggs who lifted his hat (or rather my - hat) as he passed us with the sentimental Mrs. Mullet clinging to his arm. - </p> - <p> - “Don't notice him,” Mrs. Norris whispered to her daughter, as both turned - away. “It's that odious Wilton who used to come and see father.” - </p> - <p> - I wondered how it was going to be possible for me to rescue Mrs. Mullet - under the circumstances of our covenant of non-interference. We turned and - left this splendid memorial to the great apostle Paul. - </p> - <p> - Count Carola was waiting for us at the step of the car, and kissed the - hands of Mrs. Norris and Gwendolyn, and assisted them to their seats. I - was presented to him, and am forced to say that I didn't like the cut of - his jib. Still, I'm very particular about jibs, especially the jib of a - new boat. - </p> - <p> - “Poor dear boy!” Mrs. Norris exclaimed, as we drove away. “There's a lover - for you!” - </p> - <p> - “He grows handsomer every day,” said Gwendolyn, in a low, lyrical tone. - </p> - <p> - “It's his suffering,” Mrs. Norris half moaned. - </p> - <p> - “Do you really think so?” the young lady sympathized. - </p> - <p> - “Hold on, Juliet!” said I. “If I were you I'd shoo him off the balcony. - He's a perfect lily of a man, but he won't do—too generous, too - devoted! We have men like him in America. There their titles are never - mentioned in the best society, and their persons are often cruelly - injured. For a badge of rank they have adopted a kind of liver-pad which - they wear often over one eye or the other. Of course on Broadway they - haven't the romantic environment of Italy, and are subject to all kinds of - violence.” - </p> - <p> - Mrs. Norris flashed a glance of surprise at me. - </p> - <p> - “You are a cruel iconoclast,” said she. “He belongs to one of the best - families in Italy.” - </p> - <p> - “And if I were you I'd let him continue to belong to it; at least, I - wouldn't want to buy him. He acts like a book-agent or a seller of - lightning-rods, or a train-boy with his chocolates and chewing-gum. He - won't take 'No' for an answer. He keeps tossing his wares into your laps - and seems to say: 'For God's sake, think of my starving family and make me - some kind of an offer.' Do you think that compares in dignity with the - self-possession of Richard?” - </p> - <p> - The ladies exchanged glances. Gwendolyn laughed and blushed. Mrs. Norris - smiled. I went on: - </p> - <p> - “He defaces the landscape like the portraits of the late Mr. Mennen in - America. He shows up everywhere as an advertisement for his own charms.” - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0002" id="linkimage-0002"> </a> - </p> - <div class="fig" style="width:50%;"> - <img src="images/0106.jpg" alt="0106m " width="100%" /><br /> - </div> - <h5> - <a href="images/0106.jpg"><img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a> - </h5> - <p> - “That's his legend.” - </p> - <p> - “It's just a little ridiculous, isn't it?” said the girl. - </p> - <p> - “Oh, the poor boy is in love!” Mrs. Norris pleaded, in a begging, purring - tone which said, plainly enough, “Of course you are right, but every boy - is a fool when he is in love, isn't he?” - </p> - <p> - “So is Richard in love,” I boldly declared for him, “but he isn't on the - bargain-counter; he isn't damaged, shop-worn, or out of date; he hasn't - been marked down.” - </p> - <p> - Two pairs of eyes stared at mine with a prying gaze. - </p> - <p> - Gwendolyn leaned forward and grasped my hand. - </p> - <p> - “Who in the world is he in love with?” she asked, eagerly. “Tell me at - once.” - </p> - <p> - “Himself!” Mrs. Norris exclaimed, before I could answer. - </p> - <p> - “No; with Gwendolyn,” I ventured. - </p> - <p> - Both seemed to relax suddenly, and their backs touched the upholstery. - </p> - <p> - “I haven't a doubt of it,” was my firm assertion. - </p> - <p> - The fair maid leaned toward me again. - </p> - <p> - “You misguided man!” she exclaimed. “Why do you think that?” - </p> - <p> - “For many reasons and—<i>one</i>,” - </p> - <p> - “What is the <i>one?</i>” Gwendolyn asked. - </p> - <p> - “That is my last shot, and I am not going to throw it away. It's worth - something, and if you get it you'll have to pay for it.” - </p> - <p> - “You cruel wretch!” she said, with a stinging slap on my hand. “What then - are your many reasons?” - </p> - <p> - “They are all in this phrase, 'sundry glances of the eye.'” - </p> - <p> - “How disappointing you are!” - </p> - <p> - “And what a spoiled child you are!” I retorted. “Ever since you began to - walk you have had about everything that you asked for. The magic lamp of - Aladdin was in your hands. You had only to wish and to have. Of course you - don't think that you can keep on doing that. You'll soon see that the best - things come hard; they have to be earned, and I guess Dick Forbes is one - of them. He doesn't seem to be looking for money; what he wants is a real - woman. He can love, and with great tenderness and endurance. He's a - long-distance lover. His love will keep right along with you to the last. - He doesn't go around singing about it with a guitar; he doesn't burst the - dam of his affection to inundate an heiress and swear that all the - contents of the infinite skies are in his little flood. That kind of thing - doesn't go down any longer; it's out of date. With us it's gone the way of - the wig and the crown and the knight and the noisome intrigue and the - tallow dip and the brush harrow. We know it's mostly mush, twaddle, and - mendacity. Here in Europe you will still find the brush harrow, the tallow - dip, and the tallow lover, but not in our land. If you get Richard Forbes - you'll have to go into training and try to satisfy his ideals, but it will - be worth while.” - </p> - <p> - The ladies changed color a little and sat with looks of thoughtful - embarrassment, as if they had on their hands a white elephant whose - playfulness had both amused and alarmed them. Twice Betsey and Gwendolyn - had broken into laughter, but Mrs. Norris only smiled and looked - surprised. - </p> - <p> - “Perhaps you could tell me what his ideals are,” said Gwendolyn. - </p> - <p> - Our arrival at the Borghese galleries saved me. We immediately entered - them and resumed the study of art. Nothing there interested me so much as - the busts of the old emperors. What a lot of human shoats they must have - been! Idleness and overeating had created the imperial type of human - architecture—eyes set in fat, massive jowls, great necks that seemed - to rise to the tops of their heads. With them the title business began to - thrive. It was nothing more or less than a license to prey on other - people. No wonder that every other man's life was in danger while they - lived. - </p> - <p> - What modesty was theirs! When a man became emperor he caused a statue of - himself to be made as father of all the gods. It was probably not so large - as he felt, but as large as the rocks would allow—only some fifteen - feet high. It was the beginning of the bust and the portrait craze. - </p> - <p> - We passed from the hall of shoats to the picture-galleries. - </p> - <p> - I have read of what Beaudelaire calls “the beauty disease,” and there is - no place where the young may be more sure of getting it than in these - Old-World art-galleries. Gwendolyn and her mother had a mild attack of - this disease, “this lust of the art faculties which eats up the moral like - a cancer.” The monstrous excesses of the idle rich are symptoms of its - progress. In Europe the church, the aristocracy, and the art students have - caught the fever of it. - </p> - <p> - “How lovely! How tender!” said Gwendolyn, as we stood before the Danaë of - Correggio. - </p> - <p> - “How lovely! How tenderloin!” I echoed, by way of an antitoxin. - </p> - <p> - Here was a fifteenth-century ideal of female attractiveness radiating an - utterly morbid sensuality. The picture reeked and groaned with passion. - </p> - <p> - Young men and women from towns and villages in our land who sat - industriously copying the works of old masters were turning money newly - made in Zanesville, Keokuk, Cedar Rapids, and like places into weird - imitations of Correggio, Titian, and Botticelli. Well, I expect that they - were having a good time, but I would rather see them copying the tints and - forms of nature near their own doors than worshiping the kings of art, - which is another form of the title craze. - </p> - <p> - Here we met again the elderly lady with the beautiful feet who had crossed - on our steamer—Mrs. Fraley from Terre Haute. She presented Betsey - and me to Miss Muriel Fraley, her grandniece, a good-looking miss of about - twenty-three, who was copying the Danaë. Mrs. Fraley had found new and - delightful astonishments in Italy, the chief of which was this - Europeanized niece. She drew me aside and whispered: - </p> - <p> - “She is a lovely child! Just notice the aristocratic pose of her head.” - </p> - <p> - I allowed that I could see it, for I had to, and ran my mental hand into - the grab-bag for something to say and pulled out: - </p> - <p> - “I like that blond hair—of—hers.” - </p> - <p> - I observed, as the girl looked up, that her cheeks were just a bit too red - and that her eyes had been slightly emphasized. They did not need it, - either, for they were capital eyes to start with. - </p> - <p> - “And she is as good as she is beautiful,” the old lady went on, in a low - tone of strict confidence. “And, you know, since she came here a real - count has made love to her.” - </p> - <p> - “A count!” I exclaimed. - </p> - <p> - There was a touch of awe in her tone as she said, “Belongs to one of the - oldest families in Italy!” - </p> - <p> - I cleared my throat and thought of death and funerals and comic - supplements and such mournful things for safety. - </p> - <p> - “I want you to meet him at dinner,” the good soul went on. “Where are you - stopping?” - </p> - <p> - “At the Grand Hotel.” - </p> - <p> - “We are near there, at the Pension Pirroni. You and Mrs. Potter must dine - with us.” - </p> - <p> - I gradually separated myself from Mrs. Fraley and hastened to join my - friends. I found them with startled looks in a group of the ancient marble - gods and others who lived before the invention of trousers. - </p> - <p> - “If I were to assume the license of Hercules and stand up here on a - pedestal, what do you suppose they'd do to me?” I whispered to Betsey. - </p> - <p> - “You're no work of art!” said she. - </p> - <p> - “No, I'm a man, and better than any imitation of a man, for when a lady - came into the room I should jump down and hide in some sarcophagus.” - </p> - <p> - I left them with the poetic cattle of Olympus and went on and asked them - to look for me at the door. I lingered awhile with the lovely figures of - Canova and Bernini, and was glad at last to get out of the chilly - atmosphere of the gallery. - </p> - <p> - I found the count at the door. He approached me and said, in broken - English: - </p> - <p> - “The ladies, I suppose, they are yet inside now.” - </p> - <p> - I saw my chance and took advantage of it. - </p> - <p> - “Why do you follow them?” - </p> - <p> - “Because I have the hope for good devil-<i>op</i>-ments.” - </p> - <p> - His “devil-<i>op</i>-ments” amused me, and I could not help laughing. - </p> - <p> - “Ah, Signore, I have very much troubley in my harrit,” he added. - </p> - <p> - “And you will have trouble in other parts of your system if you do not go - away,” I said. “If you follow these ladies again I shall ask the police to - protect us. If they cannot keep you away I shall injure you in some - manner, or hire a boy to do it.” - </p> - <p> - “What! You cannot achieve it!” he answered, in some heat. “You have given - me the insults. I shall implore my friend to call on you.” - </p> - <p> - “Send him along,” I said, as he hurried away. - </p> - <p> - The ladies came out presently, and I observed that Gwendolyn and her - mother seemed to miss the count. - </p> - <p> - “He's discouraged, poor thing!” said Mrs. Norris, as we drove away. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0009" id="link2H_4_0009"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - VIII.—I AGREE TO FIGHT A DUEL AND NAME A WEAPON WITH WHICH EUROPEAN - GENTLEMEN ARE UNFAMILIAR - </h2> - <p class="pfirst"> - <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>HE count's friend - called to see me that evening, as I expected. He was a very good-looking - young fellow who had more humor and better English than the count. He was - a Frenchman of the name of Vincent Aristide de Langueville. Betsey had - gone to the opera with Mrs. Norris and Gwendolyn. I was alone. - </p> - <p> - “For my friend, the Count Carola, I have the honor to ask you to name the - day and the weapons,” he said, with politeness, before he had sat down. - </p> - <p> - Now I was in for it. After all, I thought for traveling with an heiress in - this country one needs a suit of armor. - </p> - <p> - “I'm a born fighter,” I said, “but almost always my weapons have been - words. They are the only weapons with which I am thoroughly familiar. I - propose that we have a talking-match. Put us, say, ten paces apart and - light the fuse and get back out of the way while we explode. We'll load - the guns with Italian, if he prefers it, and I'll give him the first shot. - After ten minutes you can carry him off the field. He'll be severely - wounded, but it won't hurt him any.” - </p> - <p> - Vincent Aristide de Langueville laughed a little and said: - </p> - <p> - “But, my dear sir, this is not one joke. We desire the satisfaction.” - </p> - <p> - “And I will guarantee it,” was my answer. - </p> - <p> - “But, sir, we must have the fight until the blood comes.” - </p> - <p> - “Ah, you are looking for blood also,” I said. “Well, I have thought of - another weapon which once upon a time I could handle with some skill. - Let's have a duel with pitchforks.” - </p> - <p> - “Pitchforks! What is it?” he asked. “I do not understand.” - </p> - <p> - “It's a favorite weapon in New England. My great-grandfather fought the - Indians and the British with it, and it was one of the weapons with which - I fought against poverty when I was a boy. It's a great blood-letter. I - used to kill coons and hedgehogs with the pitchfork.” - </p> - <p> - “Please tell me what it is. What is it?” he pleaded. - </p> - <p> - With my pencil I drew a picture of it and said: “This handle is about five - feet in length and very strong. These three prongs are of steel and curved - a little and long enough to go through the abdomen of the most prosperous - mayor in France.” - </p> - <p> - “My God! It is the devil's weapon!” he exclaimed. - </p> - <p> - “You may report to him that the American pitchfork is the 'devil-<i>op</i>-ment' - of our interview, and I shall name the day and hour as soon as I can get - hold of the weapon.” - </p> - <p> - “I shall tell my friend, and, please, may I take the picture with me?” - said Vincent. - </p> - <p> - “Certainly, and you may say to him that I shall cable for the forks - to-night, and that as soon as they arrive I shall appoint the day and - hour.” - </p> - <p> - He gave me his card. - </p> - <p> - “You live here in Rome?” I asked. - </p> - <p> - “I do.” - </p> - <p> - “Do you work for a living?” - </p> - <p> - “I am a sculptor.” - </p> - <p> - “I have often thought that I should like to see a sculptor. Sit down till - I get you framed and hung in my portrait-gallery.” - </p> - <p> - “I must go,” said he. “Perhaps you will do me the honor to call.” - </p> - <p> - I agreed to do so, just to show that I entertained no grudge, and with - that he left me. - </p> - <p> - Before going to bed that night I cabled to my secretary as follows: - </p> - <p> - “Ship to me immediately four well-made American pitchforks, three tines - each.” - </p> - <p> - I said nothing to Betsey of the proposed duel, but broke the news that I - had met a great sculptor, and she wanted to see his studio, and next day - we called there. Mrs. Mullet was sitting for a bust, in her dinner gown. - Before we had had time to recognize the lady the artist had introduced her - as the Madame Mullette, from Sioux City. - </p> - <p> - “Isn't this an adorable place?” she asked in that lyrical tone which one - hears so often in the Italian capital. She pointed at busts of several - Americans standing on pedestals and awaiting delivery. - </p> - <p> - “Look at the whiskers embalmed in marble!” Betsey exclaimed, as she gazed - at one of the busts. It had that familiar chin tuft of the Zimmermann - hay-seed and a dish collar and string tie. The face wore the brave, - defiant, me-against-the-world look that I had observed in the statue of - Titus, made after he had turned Palestine into a slaughter-house. - </p> - <p> - “Why, that is our old friend from Prairie du Chien who came over on the <i>Toltec</i>,” - I said. “You remember the man who is studying the history of the world, - all about the life of the world, especially the life of the ancients?” - </p> - <p> - “Yes, indeed,” said Betsey. - </p> - <p> - “He is one lumber king, and one very rich man,” the artist remarked. - </p> - <p> - “You are spending some time here in Rome,” I said to Mrs. Mullet. - </p> - <p> - “Oh, I am devoted to the Eternal City!” she exclaimed, and how she loved - the sound of that musty old phrase “Eternal City”! She added, “I have been - here four times, and I love every inch of it.” - </p> - <p> - The sculptor resumed his work with a new sitter, while Mrs. Mullet went - with us from end to end of the great studio and whispered at the first - opportunity: - </p> - <p> - “De Langueville is a wonderful man; he is a baron in his own country. If - you want a bust he will let you pay for it in instalments. Five hundred - dollars down and the remainder within three years.” - </p> - <p> - The hectic flush of art for Heaven's sake was in her face. - </p> - <p> - “A bust is a good thing,” I said. “I have often dreamed of having one. - There are times when I feel as if I couldn't live without it. If I had a - bust where I could look at it every day I suppose it would take some of - the conceit out of me. When I had stood it as long as possible I could tie - a rope around its neck and use it for an anchor on my rowboat.” - </p> - <p> - “Perhaps it would scare the fish,” said Betsey. - </p> - <p> - “In that case I could use it to hold down the pork in the brine of the - family barrel,” I suggested. - </p> - <p> - “Oh, I think that you would sculp beautifully,” said Mrs. Mullet, in a - tone of encouragement, as she looked at my head. Then, by way of changing - the subject, she added, “I believe that Colonel Wilton is a friend of - yours.” - </p> - <p> - “Colonel Wilton!” I said, puzzling over the name with its new title. Even - the American gentlemen enjoy titles. - </p> - <p> - “Don't you remember meeting us in Saint Paul's? And didn't you trade hats - and coats with him in New York?” - </p> - <p> - “No, he traded with me,” I said. “I know him like a book.” - </p> - <p> - “Is he not a friend of yours?” - </p> - <p> - “It would be truer to say that I am a friend of his.” - </p> - <p> - I was on dangerous ground and thinking hard through all this. - </p> - <p> - “But he knows Mr. Norris very well. I believe they are great friends.” - </p> - <p> - “You may believe it, but I don't,” I answered, rather gravely. - </p> - <p> - I had to decide what to do, and quickly. I had not forgotten my promise to - let Muggs alone, and it was of course the safer thing to do—just to - let him alone. But he had gone too far in expecting me to furnish him a - character. - </p> - <p> - Mrs. Mullet began to change color, and that led me to ask: - </p> - <p> - “Is Wilton a friend of yours?” - </p> - <p> - “We are engaged,” said she. - </p> - <p> - “Good heavens!” I exclaimed. - </p> - <p> - I had heard that Mrs. Mullet had money, and she was good game for the neat - Mr. Wilton. Now I could see his reason for letting us alone in Italy, - where he was four thousand miles from danger. I saw, too, that I must take - a course which would inevitably expose us to more trouble, for I could not - permit this simple woman to be wronged. - </p> - <p> - “Don't give him the source of your information,” I said. “I want to speak - kindly, and so I shall only say that he's a fugitive from justice. The - name Wilton is assumed.” - </p> - <p> - Mrs. Mullet fell into a chair and seemed to find it hard work to breathe. - Betsey put her smelling-salts under the lady's nose. She quickly regained - her self-possession and rose and said, in a trembling voice: - </p> - <p> - “Thank you! I am going home.” - </p> - <p> - She left, and again we paid our compliments to the artist, who politely - left his work to speak with us. He asked me for information regarding - certain Americans who owed him for busts. An actress had had herself put, - life-size and nude, into white marble, and after making her first payment - was maintaining a discreet silence in some part of the world unknown to - the artist. - </p> - <p> - “How coy!” Betsey exclaimed as she looked at the marble figure. - </p> - <p> - A Brooklyn woman and her two daughters had sat for busts and then had - weakened on the general proposition and abandoned the country when they - were half finished. I made haste to depart for fear that he might wish to - engage me as collector for his bust factory. - </p> - <p> - Just beyond the door we met a young man who had come over on the boat with - us, and stopped for a word with him. I was telling him that I was going to - see the Pantheon that afternoon, when Muggs greeted me. - </p> - <p> - “It's a wonderful ruin,” he remarked with a smile. - </p> - <p> - I made no answer, and he entered the studio, probably to meet Mrs. Mullet. - He would get his dismissal soon. Then what? - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0010" id="link2H_4_0010"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - IX.—A MODERN AMERICAN MARRYER ENTERS THE SCENE - </h2> - <p class="pfirst"> - <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span> HAVE read that - there are no fairies in Italy, but I know better. Italy is full of them, - and they are the most light-footed, friendly, impartial, democratic - fairies in the world. They are liable to make friends with anybody. Like - many Italians, they seem to live mostly on the foreign population. A - number of them adopted me for a residence. Sometimes, when they were - playful, they made me feel like a winter resort. They used to enjoy - tobogganing down the slopes of my shoulders and digging their toes in the - snow; they held games here and there on my person, which seemed to be well - attended. I got a glimpse of one of them now and then, and we became - acquainted with each other; and, while he was very shy, I am sure that he - knew and liked me. I called him Oberon. He and his kin did me a great - service, for they taught me why people move their arms and shrug their - shoulders so much in Italy. Then, too, I always had company wherever I - happened to be. - </p> - <p> - So when Betsey and the Norris ladies implored me to go with them to Mrs. - Dorsey's palace and hear a prince lecture, I reported that I was engaged - to play with the fairies, whereupon they concluded that I wanted the time - for meditation and left me out of their plans. So it happened that I was, - fortunately, alone with Norris when Forbes arrived, a full day ahead of - his schedule. - </p> - <p> - The boy and I went out for a walk together. Before sailing he had spent - two weeks coaching the ball-team of his college and was in fine form. His - kindly blue eyes glowed with vitality and his skin was browned by the - sunlight. As I looked at that tall, straight column of bone and muscle, - with its broad shoulders and handsome head, I could not help saying: “If - you were standing on a pedestal here in Rome there'd be a lot of gals in - the gallery.” - </p> - <p> - “Before you say things like that you should teach me how to answer them - with wit and modesty,” he said. - </p> - <p> - “Keep your eye on me and you'll learn all the arts of modesty,” I assured - him. “And especially you will learn how to disarm suspicion when you are - accused of wit.” - </p> - <p> - In a shaded walk of the Pincio Gardens he asked, “Is Gwendolyn looking - well?” - </p> - <p> - “She's more beautiful than ever, and very well,” I said. “She will be - disappointed when she finds you here.” - </p> - <p> - He stopped and faced me with a look of surprise, and asked: - </p> - <p> - “Do you think so?” - </p> - <p> - “I am sure of it, because she had planned to meet you with proper ceremony - at the station and take you off to a real Roman luncheon. I am glad that - you have come, for I have worked hard as your attorney and need a rest. I - have had some fun with it, but I am delighted to turn the case over to - you.” - </p> - <p> - He did not need a chart to understand me, for he said: - </p> - <p> - “You must tell me what progress you have made with it.” - </p> - <p> - “Well, I suppose you have read of the Count Carola.” - </p> - <p> - “Yes, and so has every one who knows Gwendolyn.” - </p> - <p> - “He is the plaintiff who seeks to establish the claim that he is a better - man than you are. My defense has been so able that he has challenged me, - and I have named the weapons; they are to be pitchforks—American - pitchforks.” - </p> - <p> - Forbes laughed and remarked: - </p> - <p> - “You must take him for a bunch of hay.” - </p> - <p> - “June grass!” I answered. “We'll need some one to rake after, as we used - to say on the farm, and I may ask you to be my second.” - </p> - <p> - “Does the count amount to much?” - </p> - <p> - “Not much; I have had him added up and his total properly audited.” - </p> - <p> - “How are the judge and jury?” - </p> - <p> - “The judge is in our favor; the jury is in doubt. Gwendolyn insists that - you don't want to marry any one at present.” - </p> - <p> - “I want to, but I probably shall not,” he answered. “When I marry I want - to have done something besides having just lived. It seems as if it were - due my wife. Besides, when I get married I want to stay married; I don't - want any girl to marry <i>me</i> and give her heart to some other fellow. - She must have time to be sure of one thing—that I am the right man. - That cannot be proven with passionate vows or bouquets or guitar music, - but only by sufficient acquaintance. On the other hand, I'd like to know, - or think I know, that she is the right girl. If Gwendolyn really wants to - marry a count it would be silly for me to try to convince her that I am - the better fellow. She must see that for herself. If she doesn't, I should - assume that she was right. God knows that I'm not so stuck on myself as to - question her judgment. I'm very fond of her, but I have never let her - suspect it.” - </p> - <p> - “If I were you I'd begin to arouse her suspicions.” - </p> - <p> - “That I propose to do, but delicately and without any guitar music. Love - is a very sacred thing to me.” - </p> - <p> - “And the man who talks much about his love generally hasn't any,” I - suggested. - </p> - <p> - “At least, if he has any love in him the cheapest way of showing it is by - talk and song.” - </p> - <p> - “It's so awful easy to make words lie,” I agreed. - </p> - <p> - “If she wants me to enter a lying-match with these Romeos I'll agree, but - only on condition that it's a lying-match—that we're only playing a - game. I won't try to deceive her. Women are not fools or playthings any - longer, are they? - </p> - <p> - “Generally not, if they're born in America,” I agreed. - </p> - <p> - Here was the modem American lover, and I must acknowledge that I fell in - love with him. He stood for honest loving—a new type of chivalry—and - against the lying, romantic twaddle which had come down from the feudal - world. That kind of thing had been a proper accessory of courts and - concubines. It would not do for America. - </p> - <p> - “I see that I am putting the case in good hands. Go in and win it,” I - said. - </p> - <p> - “I'll make it my business while I'm here,” said he. - </p> - <p> - “You're a born business man. I know it's fashionable to hate the word - 'business,' but I like it. In love it looks for dividends of happiness.” - </p> - <p> - “And I've observed that a home has got to pay or go out of business,” said - he. “If Gwendolyn would put up with me I believe we could stand together - to the end of the game.” - </p> - <p> - “I have some reason for saying that she is very fond of you,” I declared. - </p> - <p> - “I wouldn't dare ask you to explain, but you tempt me,” he said. - </p> - <p> - “A good-attorney never tells all he knows unless he is writing a book,” I - answered. - </p> - <p> - We had come to the Spanish Stairs, where converging ways poured a thin, - noisy fall of tourists and guide-books into the street below. I had seen - the Stairs in my youth. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And I thought how many thousands - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Of awe-encumbered men, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Each bearing his Hare and Baedeker, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Had passed the Stairs since then. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p> - We made our way through crowded thoroughfares to the Pantheon and were in - the thicket of vast columns when some one touched my arm. Who was this man - with a blue monocle over his right eye, whose look was so familiar? Ah, to - be sure, it was Muggs. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0003" id="linkimage-0003"> </a> - </p> - <div class="fig" style="width:50%;"> - <img src="images/0133.jpg" alt="0133m " width="100%" /><br /> - </div> - <h5> - <a href="images/0133.jpg"><img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a> - </h5> - <p> - Again his mustache had disappeared, as had my hat and coat and the old - suit of clothes, and how that blue monocle and the new attire and the - smooth upper lip had changed the whole effect of Muggs! Evidently the man - was prosperous and entering a new career. How does it happen that he has - come in my way again, I asked myself, and then I remembered that he knew - that I was to be there. What was I to expect now?—violence or—— - </p> - <p> - He smiled. - </p> - <p> - “Charming day, isn't it?” he said, in his most agreeable tone. - </p> - <p> - He had neatly and deliberately removed his monocle as he spoke. - </p> - <p> - “Very! I suppose that stained-glass window of yours is a memorial to - Wilton?” - </p> - <p> - He only smiled. - </p> - <p> - “As a European you're a great success,” I went on. - </p> - <p> - “Beginning a new life from the ground up,” said he, and added, with a - glance at the great bronze doors, “Isn't this a wonderful place?” - </p> - <p> - “Yes, it was intended for a mammoth safe where reputations could be stored - and embellished and kept, but it didn't work.” - </p> - <p> - “They cracked it and got away with the reputations,” said he, with a - smile. - </p> - <p> - “Exactly! In my opinion every man should have his own private pantheon, - and see that his reputation is as strong as the safe. It's the discrepancy - that's dangerous. People won't allow a reputation to stay where it does - not belong.” - </p> - <p> - He stepped closer and said, in a confidential tone, “I'm trying to improve - mine, and I wish you would help me.” - </p> - <p> - “How?” - </p> - <p> - “Come to a little dinner that I am giving and say a good word for me when - you can.” - </p> - <p> - “Are you trying to marry Mrs. Mullet?” - </p> - <p> - “Yes, I've fallen in love, and, as God's my witness, I'm living honest.” - </p> - <p> - “Muggs, I'll help you to get a reputation, but I won't help you to get a - wife,” I said. “You must get the reputation first, and it will take you a - long time. You'll have to try to pay back the money you've taken and keep - it up long enough to prove your good faith.” - </p> - <p> - Muggs's plan was quite apparent. He wanted an all-around treaty of peace. - He was still levying blackmail; the thing he demanded was not cash, but a - character. - </p> - <p> - “That's exactly what I hope to do,” he explained. “I shall have all kinds - of money, and I propose to square every account.” - </p> - <p> - “That's all right, provided Mrs. Mullet knows the whole plan and is - willing to undertake the responsibility.” - </p> - <p> - He looked into my eyes, and said clearly in his smile: “You're the worst - ass of a lawyer that I ever saw in my life. I've tried to be decent, and - you've wiped your boots on me. Wait and see what happens now.” - </p> - <p> - All that seemed to be in his smile, but not a word of it passed his lips. - He neatly adjusted the blue monocle and lifted his hat and said “Good - afternoon,” and walked away. - </p> - <p> - I, too, had my smile, for I could not help thinking how this biter was - being bitten, and how his old friends, the ghosts of the past, were now - bearing down upon <i>him</i>. - </p> - <p> - We tramped to St. Peters, where squads of tourists seemed to be reading - prayers out of red prayer-books and where a learned judge from Seattle, - who had lost his pocket-book in a crowd near the statue of St. Peter, was - delivering impassioned and highly prejudiced views of church and state to - the members of his party. - </p> - <p> - We lunched at Latour's, where a long and limber-looking blond lady, who - sat beside a Pomeranian poodle with a napkin tucked under his collar, - consumed six cups of coffee and a foot and a half of cigarettes while we - were eating. She was one of the most engaging ruins of the feudal world. - What a theme for an artist was in the painted face and the sign of the - dog! The head waiter told us that she was an American who had been - studying art in Italy for years. - </p> - <p> - She ought to be mentioned in the guidebooks, I thought, as we were - leaving. - </p> - <p> - We tramped miles to an old barracks of a building called the Cancellaria, - which, according to Baedeker, was clothed in “majestic simplicity.” - </p> - <p> - “Baedeker is the Barnum of Europe,” I said, as we went on, “but he is - generally more conservative.” - </p> - <p> - We arrived at the Grand Hotel a little before six. I went with Forbes to - the Norris's apartments. Gwendolyn opened the door for us and greeted the - young man with enthusiasm and led him to the parlor. Betsey was there, and - we went at once to our own room. - </p> - <p> - “There's a new count in the game,” she remarked, as soon as we had sat - down together—“the Count Raspagnetti, whom we met to-day at Mrs. - Dorsey's. He's the grandest thing in Rome—six feet tall, with a - monocle and a black beard, and is very good-looking. He's no - down-at-the-heel aristocrat, either; has quite a fortune and two palaces - in good repair, and has passed the guitar-and-balcony stage. He's about - thirty-two, and seems to be very nice and sensible. Mrs. Dorsey calls him - the dearest man in the world, and she has invited us to dinner to meet him - again. It was a dead set for Gwendolyn, and the child was deeply - impressed. It isn't surprising; these Italian men are most fascinating.” - </p> - <p> - “I suppose so,” I said, wearily. “The countless counts of Italy are - getting on my nerves. Counts are a kind of bug that gets into the brains - of women and feeds there until their heads are as empty as a worm-eaten - chestnut.” - </p> - <p> - “Not at all,” said Betsey; “but if she must have a title—” - </p> - <p> - “She mustn't,” I said. - </p> - <p> - “You can't stop her.” - </p> - <p> - “That remains to be seen,” was my answer. - </p> - <p> - “Richard had better get a move on him,” said Betsey. “He can't dally along - as you did.” - </p> - <p> - “Let him get his breath—he's only just landed.” - </p> - <p> - According to my custom I dined with Norris in his suite. Forbes went with - the ladies to the dining-room. - </p> - <p> - “Aren't you about ready to go back?” I asked, as I thought of Muggs's - smile. - </p> - <p> - “I should like to,” he said, “but the girls are having the time of their - lives, and this air is making a new man of me. Then the young count seems - to have let go; he doesn't annoy us any more. I'm hoping that Forbes will - settle this count business.” - </p> - <p> - While we were eating a telegram was put in my hands which read as follows: - </p> - <p> - <i>I am stopping at the Bristol in Florence and must have your - professional advice immediately.</i> - </p> - <p> - <i>I cannot go to Rome, so will you kindly come here.</i> - </p> - <p> - <i>I am in serious trouble. If I am not at hotel look for me third - corridor of paintings, Uffizi Gallery. Please regard this as strictly - confidential. M. Mullet.</i> - </p> - <p> - I answered that she should look for me the next day, and said to Norris: - </p> - <p> - “I have to go to Florence to-morrow.” - </p> - <p> - “Take the car and your wife and the young people,” said he. “The roads are - fine, and you'll enjoy it.” - </p> - <p> - I thanked him for the suggestion. - </p> - <p> - “There's one other thing,” said he. “If you think Forbes means business - tell him at the first opportunity that I am an ex-convict, and let me know - how he takes it. We must be fair to him.” - </p> - <p> - “Leave it to me.” - </p> - <p> - “We'll take them down to Naples with the motor-car soon,” said Norris. - “Vesuvius is active again, and we must see her in eruption.” He did not - suspect that another Vesuvius was beginning to quake beneath us, and I did - not have the heart to speak of it. I hoped that I could serve as a - shock-absorber in the new eruption and save him any worry. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0011" id="link2H_4_0011"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - X.—A DAY OF ADVENTURES WITH TUSCAN ARTISTS AND OTHERS - </h2> - <p class="pfirst"> - <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">N</span>EXT morning I - found Betsey and the young people eager for the trip to Florence. Richard - and I had breakfast together at eight-thirty. - </p> - <p> - “There's a new count in the game,” said he, as soon as we were seated - together. “He came to our table last evening. He's a grand chap and in - favor with the king, to whom he is going to present Gwendolyn and her - mother. He knows how to talk to women, and I don't. I shall not be in it - with him.” - </p> - <p> - “As to which is the best man it's her judgment, not yours, that's - important,” I said. “So long as I am managing the case you must take - nothing for granted. Put her on the witness-stand, and let's know what she - has to say about it. Before that I must tell ye something—in - confidence. Norris is about the best fellow that I ever knew, but he got - into trouble when he was a boy. He was the victim of circumstances and - went to prison—served a year.” - </p> - <p> - “I heard of that long ago,” said Forbes. - </p> - <p> - “What!” I exclaimed, in astonishment. - </p> - <p> - “Nobody cares anything about that. Everybody knows that he's a good man - now—that is enough in America.” - </p> - <p> - “Do many know it?” - </p> - <p> - “Probably not. I have heard that even Gwendolyn and her mother do not know - it.” - </p> - <p> - It surprised and in a way it pleased me to learn that I had told him what - he already knew. I remembered that he had said, in his walk with me, that - the distinguished editor who had got the tragic story from my lips was an - uncle of his. So, after all, it was not strange that he should know. - </p> - <p> - “I presume that he had a wild youth, but he's a good man,” Forbes added. - </p> - <p> - That was all we said about it. - </p> - <p> - Our drive, which began at midday, took us through the loveliest vineyards - in Italy. I shall never forget the vivid-green valley of the Arno as it - looked that day. Lace-like vines spreading over the cresset tops of the - olives and between them and filling the air with color; stately poplar - rows and dark spires of cypress; distant purple mountain walls and white - palaces on misty heights—they were some of the items. Here in these - vineyards, and in others like them, are about the best tillers in the - world—a simple, honest, beauty-loving people who are the soul of - Italy, and, in the main, no country has a better asset. - </p> - <p> - On the road we met the Litchmans, of Chicago, touring with their - yelling-machine and a special car trailing behind them filled with clothes - and millinery. - </p> - <p> - That night we dined together and went to the opera. It was all Greek to - me, but it was great! They woke me at one, and we went home. Next morning, - having learned that Mrs. Mullet was not at her hotel, we all proceeded to - the vast Uffizi Gallery. Grand place! - </p> - <p> - What a wonderful procession these people in marble and paint see every day - in the parade of weary pilgrims, in the moving mosaic of humanity. What a - Babel of tongues, all speaking Baedeker! I wonder if the gods, emperors, - and painted masterpieces fully appreciate this endless human caravan. It - is far more wonderful than they. Who are these people? Ask any of them, - and he will be apt to tell you that the rest are fools; that almost every - one of them is looking for conversational thunder and—knockers! - </p> - <p> - Some hurry. - </p> - <p> - “Two more galleries to see, and the train goes at five,” you hear one of - them saying. - </p> - <p> - I was nearly bowled over and trampled upon by three German women who had - lost their party. - </p> - <p> - Once these marble floors were almost exclusively the highway of the - highbrows. Now the sacred children of the imagination are being introduced - to a new crowd. Newness is its chief characteristic. Here are the - overgrown multitude of the newly rich, the truly rich, and the untruly - rich. Here are the newly married, the unmarried, the over-married, and the - slightly married, and the well-married from all lands, some of them new - recruits in the great army of art. - </p> - <p> - We passed through the Hall of the Ancient Imperial Shoats into the long - corridor filled with statuary. - </p> - <p> - “The old gods seem to have had desperate battles before they gave up,” - Betsey said to me. “Most of them lost either an arm or a leg in the war.” - </p> - <p> - “Many were beheaded and chucked into the garbage-barrels,” I answered. - “The way Jupiter and Minerva were beaten up was a caution. It wasn't - right; it wasn't decent. They were a harmless, inoffensive lot; they had - never done anything to anybody. A lot of things were laid at their doors, - but nothing was ever proved against 'em. These days we know enough to - appreciate harmlessness.” - </p> - <p> - “They were very beautiful,” said Betsey, “but they're a crippled lot now.” - </p> - <p> - “Yes, most of them have artificial limbs,” I answered. “All they do now is - to pose in vaudeville for the entertainment of humanity.” As we neared the - room where I was to meet Mrs. Mullet we bade the young people go their way - and look for us at the door about twelve-thirty. - </p> - <p> - We found the lady copying the portraits of our first parents. Her breast - began to heave in a storm of emotion as she looked at us. - </p> - <p> - “Who are your friends?” I quickly asked, by way of diverting her thought. - </p> - <p> - “This is Adam and Eve,” said she, almost tearfully. - </p> - <p> - “I'm glad to see that they don't make company of us,” Betsey declared. - </p> - <p> - “They receive everybody in that same suit of clothes,” I answered. “And - Eve's entertainment is so simple—apples right off the tree!” - </p> - <p> - “I don't see but that they look just as aristocratic as they would if they - had sprung from poor but respectable parents,” said Betsey. - </p> - <p> - “Adam looks like a rather shiftless, good-natured young fellow, easily - led, but, on the whole, I like them both,” was my answer. “They're frank - and open and aboveboard. If you're looking for your first ancestors and - must have them, I don't think you could do better. Certainly Mr. Darwin - has nothing to offer that compares with them.” - </p> - <p> - Betsey and I had our little dialogues about many objects in our way, and - now we had got Mrs. Mullet righted, so to speak, and on a firm working - basis. She showed us through the gallery. I remember that she was - particularly interested in the Botticelli paintings. - </p> - <p> - Mrs. Mullet said that she adored the Madonna—a case of compound - adoration, for in its adoring group Botticelli succeeded in painting the - most inhuman piety that the world has seen. - </p> - <p> - “Isn't that glorious?” Mrs. Mullet asked, as we stopped before his Venus—a - tall lady standing on half a cockle-shell, neatly poised on breezy water. - </p> - <p> - “She has crooked feet,” said Betsey. - </p> - <p> - “Well, I guess yours would be crooked if you had been to sea on a - cockle-shell,” I said, which will prove to the learned reader that we were - about as ignorant of art as any in that hurrying crowd of misguided - people. - </p> - <p> - “Oh, I think it's a wonderful thing! Look at the colors!” Mrs. Mullet - exclaimed. - </p> - <p> - “But the toes are so long—they are rippling toes. Those on the right - foot look as if they had just finished a difficult run on the piano,” - Betsey insisted. - </p> - <p> - “She might be called the Long-toed Venus,” I suggested. “But she isn't to - blame for that. I suppose she was born with that infirmity.” - </p> - <p> - So we crude and business-like Americans went on, as we flitted here and - there, sipping the honey from each flower of art. - </p> - <p> - Twelve-thirty had arrived, and I suggested to Betsey that she should meet - the young people and go with them wherever they pleased, and that they - could find me at the hotel at four. She left us, and I asked Mrs. Mullet - what I could do for her. - </p> - <p> - “I'm in perfectly awful trouble,” she sighed, with rising tears. - </p> - <p> - “Tell me all about it,” I said. “But please do not weep, or people will - wonder what this cruel old man has been doing to you.” - </p> - <p> - “That man insisted that I should have my bust made and my portrait painted - and agreed to pay for them, but now of course I shall have to pay for them - myself. He has threatened to sue me for a hundred thousand dollars for - breach of promise. It will take more than half my property.” - </p> - <p> - “Don't worry about the suit,” I said. “I'll agree to save you any cost in - that matter. As to the bust, you can use it for a milestone in your - history. The painting will show you how you looked when you were—not - as wise as you are now. You can look at it and take warning.” - </p> - <p> - “I couldn't bear to look at them. I feel as if I never wanted to see - myself again. I have written to everybody at home about this engagement. - It's just perfectly dreadful!” Again she was near breaking down. - </p> - <p> - “You ought to be glad—not sorrowful,” I said. “That man can't even - play a guitar. If he had a title or a fortune we wouldn't mind his being a - scamp, but he hasn't. He hasn't even a coat of arms.” - </p> - <p> - “There! I'm not going to cry, after all,” she declared, as she wiped her - eyes. “I'm glad you've kept me from breaking down.” - </p> - <p> - “I wonder that you didn't wait until you knew him better before making - this engagement,” I said. - </p> - <p> - “But he was so gentlemanly and nice,” she went on; “and Mr. Pike, the - lumber king from Michigan, introduced him to me and said that he had known - him a long time. Then the colonel is acquainted with counts and barons and - other grand people. He claimed to be an old friend of yours and of Mr. - Norris. He said that the last time he called on you he went away with your - hat by mistake, and showed me your initials in the one he wore.” - </p> - <p> - “He often associates with property of a questionable character, but I was - not aware that he had got in with the counts and barons,” I said. - </p> - <p> - “He knows the Count Carola very well,” she declared. - </p> - <p> - “Leave them to each other—they deserve it,” I said. “Return to Rome - and refer Wilton to me, and refuse to have anything more to do with him.” - </p> - <p> - She asked for my bill, but I assured her that dollars were too small for - such a service, and that I couldn't think of accepting anything less than - thanks in a case of that kind. - </p> - <p> - I left her and got a bite to eat and went to our hotel at three-thirty. - Betsey was waiting for me at the door. She was pale and excited. - </p> - <p> - “We've had a dreadful time,” said she. “Gwendolyn and I had gone on while - Richard was paying our bill in a shop. Suddenly a young man came and spoke - to Gwendolyn. Richard saw it. In a second I heard a horrible thump and saw - the young Italian lying in the mud. He didn't try to get up. Looked as if - he was sleeping.” - </p> - <p> - “It's bad weather for Romeoing,” I answered. “That count should have - waited till the streets were dry. Where are they?” - </p> - <p> - “Gwendolyn is in the parlor. Richard said that we should look for him on - the road and took a fiacre and flew. The girl is frightened.” - </p> - <p> - Betsey brought her out, and we got into the car and sped away. - </p> - <p> - “One more count!” I exclaimed, with a laugh. - </p> - <p> - “One less count!” said Gwendolyn. “I'm sure he's dead.” - </p> - <p> - “Ladies have limited rights outside the house in Italy,” I said. - </p> - <p> - “I don't mind those silly men,” said Gwendolyn. “I've been spoken to like - that a dozen times, but I hurry along and pretend that I do not hear - them.” - </p> - <p> - “That count will be careful after this,” I suggested. - </p> - <p> - “If he lives,” said Gwendolyn. “I'm afraid that his head is cracked.” - </p> - <p> - “His head was cracked long ago,” was my answer. - </p> - <p> - “Uncle Soc,” said Gwendolyn (she had begun to call me Uncle Soc there in - Italy), “Richard and Italy could never get along together.” - </p> - <p> - “Richard, Gwendolyn, and America are a better combination,” I suggested. - </p> - <p> - “What a pretty thought!” she exclaimed, just as we overtook the young man - about a mile out on the highway to Rome. - </p> - <p> - “Get in here and behave yourself,” I said. “You've had exercise enough.” - </p> - <p> - “I could stand more, if necessary,” he answered, with a laugh, as he sat - down with us. - </p> - <p> - That ride to Rome was one of the merriest, in my life. For the young - people it had been a day of joy and progress, but on the whole it hadn't - been a highly creditable day. So let's drop the curtain right here and let - it go into history. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0012" id="link2H_4_0012"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - XI.—IN WHICH WE GET INTO THE FLASH AND GLITTER OF HIGH LIFE - </h2> - <p class="pfirst"> - <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">N</span>EXT evening Betsey - and I went to dinner with Mrs. Moses Fraley, of Terre Haute, at a - fashionable hotel. There we saw a show-window in one of the greatest - matrimonial department stores in Europe. Buyers and sellers and bought and - sold were there in full force to inspect the bargains, and we were able to - note reliably the undertone of the market; and our observations had some - effect, I believe, on the fortunes of Miss Norris. - </p> - <p> - Nothing was said of “the count” in our invitation, but we hoped to have at - least a look at him. We put on our best clothes, and our plain, - agricultural natures were well disguised when the impressive head porter - at our destination helped us out of Norris's car and almost touched his - forehead on the pavement at sight of us. That bow was easily worth a - two-franc piece, and he got it. - </p> - <p> - “The Yank and his franc are easily parted,” Betsey remarked, as we entered - the great whirling door. - </p> - <p> - We were in the game, and I was firmly resolved to keep pace with our - compatriots from Terre Haute for one evening, anyhow. Two more - double-franc pieces in the coat-room established my reputation. With a - good suit of clothes and the sudden expenditure of two dollars and a half - you can acquire a reputation in any European hotel. Reputations are the - cheapest things in Europe, but the costs for upkeep are considerable. - Every young man in the place was trying to do something for us and I began - to feel the rich, blue blood in my veins. - </p> - <p> - Mrs. Fraley and her niece, in long trains, received and presented us to - their guests. Among them was the lady from Flint who had got the cramp in - her leg at Hadrian's Villa, and who lived at the same boarding-house with - Mrs. Fraley. Her name was Sampf—“Mrs. Sampf,” they called her. I - always have to go to my note-book when I try to think of that name. We - always refer to her as the lady whose name sounded like boiling mush. - There were also a sad but handsome young woman of the name of Rantone, a - Minnesota girl who had married an Italian doctor; Mr. Pike, the whiskered - lumber king who was studying the history of the world and whose bust we - had surveyed in the studio of De Langueville, and a certain young man - connected with one of the embassies. - </p> - <p> - “The count couldn't come,” said Mrs. Fraley. “He wrote that nothing would - please him more than to meet Mr. and Mrs. Socrates Pot ter, but that he - was, unfortunately, quite ill.” - </p> - <p> - I did not know until then that these good people had come to meet us. - </p> - <p> - “Perhaps you'll help us to appraise our loss by giving me his name,” I - suggested. - </p> - <p> - “Oh, it is the wonderful Count Carola!” said she. “He is about the most - fascinating creature that I ever saw.” - </p> - <p> - My brain reeled and fell at her feet and called silently for help. In half - a second it had picked itself up again. - </p> - <p> - We went into the dining-room. What a fair of jewels and laces and - fresh-cut flowers! At eleven o'clock they were going to have a dance—kind - of a surprise party! They called it The Ball of the Roses. Our table had a - big crop of red and white roses, and in the middle of it was a little - fountain among ferns. Its spray fell with a pleasant sound upon - water-lilies in a big, mossy bowl. - </p> - <p> - The retired lumber king sat opposite me, and a retired frog sat between us - on a lily-pad at the edge of the fountain-bowl. He was a goodsized real - frog who was planning to return to active life, I judged, for he sat with - alert eyes as if on the lookout for a business opportunity. I observed - that he looked hopefully at me when I sat down at the right of Mrs. - Fraley, with Mrs. Sampf at my side, as if willing to abandon the frivolous - life any minute if I could suggest an opening for an energetic young frog. - Mrs. Fraley explained that the frog was tied to the edge of the bowl by a - silk thread which was fastened about his neck. I ceased then to fear and - suspect him. - </p> - <p> - I could not help thinking how much good Terre Haute money had gone into - these decorations, and we should have been just as well pleased without - the frog and the fountain. - </p> - <p> - Here we are at last right in the midst of things—grandeur! high - life! nobility! abdominal hills and valleys! fair slopes of rolling, open - country with their stones imbedded in gold and platinum! toes twinging - with gout! faces with the utohel look on them! - </p> - <p> - What a pantheon of rococo deities was this dining-room—princes and - princesses, counts and discounts, countesses and marquises, Wall Street - millionaires and millionheiresses, and average American wives and widows - with friends and dining-men. What is a dining-man? He's a professional - diner-out. He has only to look aristocratic and speak Italian—or - English with a Fifth-Avenue accent—and be able to recognize the - people worth while. A fat old English duchess with a staff in her hand and - the royal purple in her hair made her way to her table with the walk of an - apple-woman. There was no nonsense about her, no illusions, no clinging to - a vanished youth. She was a real woman, and I could have kissed the hem of - her garments for joy. - </p> - <p> - A lady sat at one of the tables who suggested the chloride of nitrogen, - being so fat and fetched in at the waist that her shoulders heaved at - every breath, and one could not look at her without fearing that she would - explode and fill the air with hooks and eyes and buttons. - </p> - <p> - A large, swell-front, fully furnished Pennsylvania widow sat near us with - her young daughter and a marquis and a well-earned reputation for great - wealth. It seemed to be a busy, popular, agreeable reputation, with many - acquaintances in the room. The widow's costume pleaded for observation and - secured it, for she sat serene and prodigious in jeweled fat and satin, - dripping pearls and emeralds and diamonds. There was a battlement of - diamonds on her brow and a cinch of them on her neck, surrounded by a - stone wall of pearls as big as the marbles that I used to play with as a - boy. Hanging from her ears were two mammoth pearls, either of which in a - sling might have slain Goliath. Her shoulders glowed with gems, and a - stomacher of diamonds adorned her intemperate zone. What a fresco of - American abundance she made in the remarkable decorations of that room. By - and by she drew a wallet from her breast and paid her bill. - </p> - <p> - “How wonderful!” our hostess exclaimed, suddenly. - </p> - <p> - A princess in red slippers and with no stockings on her feet, as Mrs. - Fraley informed me, strode in with her young man and took a table near us. - She had been a Wisconsin girl, and her happy Fifth Avenue dialect rose - like the spray of a fountain and fell lightly on our ears. - </p> - <p> - “We had a sockless statesman in our country, but I never heard of a - sockless princess before,” Mrs. Sampf sputtered. “They tell me that some - of these aristocrats are very poor.” - </p> - <p> - Mrs. Sampf had been to Egypt and the Holy Land, and talked freely of her - travels. - </p> - <p> - “Yes, we went up the Nile to see the dam,” she said. “It's a good dam, I - guess, but I didn't care much for it. What I wanted to see was the life. - The folks are awful dirty; I wanted to take a scrubbing-brush and some - Pearline and go at 'em.” - </p> - <p> - “A few American women with scrubbing-brushes would improve the Egyptian - race,” I suggested. “How about the food?” - </p> - <p> - “Heavens! I've et everything there is going, I guess; it would take you a - month to learn the names of the vittles. I've got 'em all in my diary.” - </p> - <p> - “I suppose you enjoyed the ruins,” I said. - </p> - <p> - And she went on: - </p> - <p> - “I saw a bull temple; it was very nice. You know, they used to worship - bulls. I don't know what for. They must have been hard up for something to - worship. There was five of us traveling on our own hooks. We saw one - temple that was quite nicely carved—had crows and goats on it. I - love goats. Sometimes I think that I must have been a goat in some - previous life.” - </p> - <p> - I disagreed with her. - </p> - <p> - “The pyramids were curious things,” she continued. “Some folks never slid - down into 'em at all after traveling all that distance, but I slid. Since - I was a child I have always loved sliding. The most interesting thing I - saw was three baby camels and some Highland soldiers in Jerusalem with no - pants on and funny little skirts that came down to their knees,” she - continued. “In the Holy Land I saw a lot of men in skirts with baggy pants - reaching from their knees down.” - </p> - <p> - She was apparently much interested in the subject of pants, and hurried - on: - </p> - <p> - “I found a wonderful old knocker there. By the way, I'm making a - collection of knockers. Have you seen any good ones here in Rome?” - </p> - <p> - “Not a knocker! But I haven't been looking for them.” And I added, “I - wonder some one doesn't make a collection of pants—pants of every - age and clime.” - </p> - <p> - “What kind of pants did the ancient Romans wear?” she asked. - </p> - <p> - “The same as Adam—the style hadn't changed in ages.” - </p> - <p> - This woman had got a knocker in Jerusalem, and seen some baby camels and a - number of pantless men; she had seen a bull temple and slid into a pyramid - in Egypt; she had “et vittles” everywhere, and suffered from cramp in - sundry places, and languished in a hot, stuffy state-room with a - quarrelsome lady from Connecticut, all for sixteen hundred dollars and - four months of time. Yet far more than half of the great caravan of - American tourists invading Europe and the East get no more than she did. - The poetry and beauty of the Old World and the money of the New are thus - wasted on each other. - </p> - <p> - “America is a pretty good country,” I suggested. “There are buildings in - New York as wonderful as any you will see here, and our scenery is - excellent.” - </p> - <p> - “But we have no ruins,” said Mrs. Fraley. - </p> - <p> - “On the contrary, we have the grandest ruins in the world,” I insisted. - “We have the ruins of slavery and of the old error of unequal, rights; - there all our feudal inheritance has been turned into ruins. Even that - everlasting lake of fire, which is still needed in Europe, is with us a - cold and mossy ruin. Nothing in it but garbage these days. We have - physical ruins, too, and very ancient ones, but we are a working - community, not a show. In our structures, like the Pennsylvania Station, - is the sublimity of hope and promise, not the sublimity of death and - decay.” - </p> - <p> - My friends looked at me with surprise. They had heard only the lyrical - chorus of their countrymen accompanied by the jingle of francs. - </p> - <p> - “You're right,” said the lumber king. “I thought that I'd try to live here - a few years because I can't find enough playmates in America; every one is - busy there. So I thought I'd come over here and study and fool around. - It's done me good.” - </p> - <p> - “Fooling around is better than nothing if done with energy and vigor,” I - suggested. “A capable fool-arounder isn't worth much, but he can keep his - liver busy. Here they have professional fool-arounders with gold letters - on their caps to set the pace. It's all right for a while, but you'll want - to get back to the lumber business.” - </p> - <p> - “Maybe you're right, but Europe has done me a lot o' good,” said Mr. Pike. - “The cure up at Kissingen fixed my stomach trouble. Cost like Sam Hill, - but it knocked it out.” - </p> - <p> - “What was the cure?” I asked. - </p> - <p> - “Made me walk <i>ten</i> miles a day, and take baths and give up pastry, - and go to bed at nine.” - </p> - <p> - “And you had to travel four thousand miles and give up a lot of good - American money to learn that?” I asked. “Old Doctor Common Sense, assisted - by a little will-power, would have done that for you without charge right - in your own home. Is it possible that the old doctor has gone out of - business in Prairie du Chien?” - </p> - <p> - “He died long ago,” said the lumber king. “We have to be led to water like - a horse these days.” - </p> - <p> - “We follow Cook in the trails of Baedeker instead of following the hired - man, and we value everything according to its cost,” I answered. “But it's - good for the Yankee to travel in a pieless world.” - </p> - <p> - “Travel is such a wonderful thing!” exclaimed Mrs. Fraley, who preferred - to paddle in the heavenly gush-ways. “Don't you <i>love</i> Italy?” - </p> - <p> - I took off my mental shoes and stockings and began to paddle with her. - </p> - <p> - “Grand country!” I splashed. - </p> - <p> - Then she lay down in the stream and got wet all over as follows: - </p> - <p> - “It's so wonderful! I love the churches and their music, and mosaics and - statues, and the palaces and the nobility,” Mrs. Fraley chanted. “These - well-bred Italians look so aristocratic!” - </p> - <p> - “And they act so aristocratic—nothing to do but eat and drink and - sleep and dance and get married!” was my answer. “We're rather careless - about those things in America. A real aristocrat always gets married very - carefully and so rescues himself from the curse of toil if need be. We - don't take any pains with our marrying. We marry in the most offhand, - reckless fashion just to gratify our emotions.” - </p> - <p> - “We forget that a dollar married is better than two dollars earned,” said - Betsey. - </p> - <p> - “And isn't soiled by perspiration,” I said. “In this room are some of the - shrewdest marryers in the world—men who by careful attention to the - business have amassed fortunes. Here, too, are some of the most promising - young marryers in Italy. They are sure to make their mark.” - </p> - <p> - “Indeed! You must tell me of them,” said the good soul. - </p> - <p> - “I shall tell you of one only—not now but before I leave you,” I - answered. - </p> - <p> - There was a high, moral purpose back of this remark, but it seemed to get - me into trouble, for I had no sooner finished it than the frog gave a - swift leap, broke his halter, and landed on me. I suppose that he was an - Italian frog. Possibly he had only slipped his halter—I never - learned the precise facts. Anyhow, he had got on the edge of the bowl - unobserved, and picked out a partner. He could not have chosen a worse - place to land, for he struck my shirt with a noisy thud just under my - necktie, and bounded into a dish of French dressing and out of it. I saw - him bracing, and was about to seize him when he fetched a leap that took - him over the head of the lumber king. The frog landed with a wet thump on - the bare back of the sockless princess—who sat close behind Mr. Pike—and - tumbled into her train. He was not much of a bareback-rider, that's a sure - thing. The princess gave a rebel yell and jumped to her feet and in honest - Wisconsin English wanted to know what in God's name it was. The frog had - got his toe-nails caught in some lace, and was captured by a waiter. - Ladies who had not spoken the American language in years used it freely. - </p> - <p> - The princess left the room with her friends and a quantity of French - dressing on her back. The diplomat looked at me and smiled and said: - </p> - <p> - “The princess is in hard luck, and I can't help speaking of it. If a - meteor should fall into Italy it would land on the princess. Her husband - gets drunk now and then and beats her up. I believe that he has worn out - several canes on her person. I saw her once when she had been beaten black - and blue. She decided then to leave him.” - </p> - <p> - “But didn't?” I asked. - </p> - <p> - “No; her husband made love to her again, and she couldn't resist him. He's - a great love-maker. Two or three times she has been on the point of going - back to her people, but hasn't. Poor thing! She's too proud to go home and - acknowledge the truth—that she has been a fool and her husband a - brute.” - </p> - <p> - I was now pretty well prepared for my next talk with Mrs. Norris. - </p> - <p> - We left the dining-room, and I took Mrs. Fraley to a seat in the corridor - and told her of the knight-like temperament of the young Count Carola, and - of his high rank as a discoverer of wealth and beauty. - </p> - <p> - She showed no surprise, but said: “We had heard that he was engaged to - Miss Norris, but the count says that the report is untrue. He has not - really asked my niece to marry him yet, but he calls her the most - beautiful woman he ever saw. Do you blame him?” - </p> - <p> - “Not a bit, although your niece is the second girl to whom he has awarded - the first premium within three days. There may be others, but that is - going some.” - </p> - <p> - All this had no effect on the armor-clad, brain-proof lady to whom it was - addressed. - </p> - <p> - “It's his natural chivalry,” she said, as I rose to go. - </p> - <p> - “And discovering the most beautiful woman in the world is his daily - habit,” was my answer; and we bade each other good night. - </p> - <p> - When Betsey and I were going home she gave me an account of her talk with - Mrs. Rantone. The young woman's father had been a successful Minnesota - grocer. The family came to Italy on a Cook's tour. The young man fell in - love with the grocer's daughter, and they met him everywhere they went. He - followed them to Minnesota, and the two were married there. Mrs. Rantone - had said that he was a fine man and an excellent doctor, but that his - friends would have nothing to do with her because she was the daughter of - a tradesman of moderate means. They had supposed that every American who - traveled abroad was rich, as indeed such travelers ought to be. After - living nearly eight years in Rome she had only three Italian friends. She - naturally felt that she was a dead weight on the shoulders of her husband; - that she could contribute nothing to his success and she was most unhappy. - </p> - <p> - “Are your parents still living in Minnesota?” Betsey asked. - </p> - <p> - “They're all alone in the old home,” said the poor expatriate. - </p> - <p> - “They must miss you terribly.” - </p> - <p> - “Well, why did they bring me here?” was her pathetic answer. - </p> - <p> - I could see that Betsey was recovering from the fascinations of the - marriage market. - </p> - <p> - “The 'devil-<i>op</i>-ments' of this night should have some effect on the - price of Romeos,” I remarked. - </p> - <p> - “And the insanity of Juliets,” said Betsey. “I'm going to spring this on - Gwen and her mother. But they won't believe it.” - </p> - <p> - When we arrived at our hotel its porter gave me a note from Norris which - said: - </p> - <p> - “Please come to my room on receipt of this.” - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0013" id="link2H_4_0013"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - XII.—IN WHICH NORRIS TAKES HIS LIGHT FROM UNDER THE BUSHEL - </h2> - <p class="pfirst"> - <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span> FOUND Norris in - bed, propped up with pillows and looking very pale. His mother and nurse - were with him; the ladies had gone out to dinner with Forbes and would - spend an hour or so at the ball. - </p> - <p> - “I had a bad turn at ten o'clock,” said Norris, “but the doctor came and - patched me up, and has gone out for a walk. Mother, will you and the nurse - go into the other room until I call you? I want to talk with Mr. Potter.” - </p> - <p> - Mrs. Norris, the elder, was a slim, tender little woman, with a flavor of - the old-time Yankee folks in her customs and conversation. When she was - not doing something for her “boy,” as she called him, I often found her - sitting in her rocking-chair by the window with her fancy-work or her - Bible. Once when I sat waiting to see Norris, while he was napping, she - sang “The Old, Old Story” in a low voice as she rocked. - </p> - <p> - Before leaving the room that night, when I had been summoned to his - bedside, she went to his bed and leaned over him and looked thoughtfully - into his face. Then she gently touched it with her hand. - </p> - <p> - “How is my boy feeling now?” she asked. - </p> - <p> - “Oh, I'm better, mother,” he answered, cheerfully. - </p> - <p> - “You look more and more like your father,” she said, standing by the bed, - with her hands on her hips, reluctant to leave him. - </p> - <p> - “I wish I were as good a man as my father,” said Norris. - </p> - <p> - “Your father! He is one of the saints of heaven,” she answered. - </p> - <p> - Then she turned away and went through the door which the nurse had left - open in her departure. - </p> - <p> - “I am glad that you heard her say that,” said Norris. “It will help you to - understand my father. I remember hearing a man say once that my father - would go to Hades for a friend. Of course that overdrew it, but he was a - most generous man, and what a woman my mother is! I often wake in the - night and find her looking down at me, and she's up at daylight every - morning. Wherever she is there's a home—something not made with - hands, and it is very dear to me.” - </p> - <p> - “The old, old sort—there's not many of them left,” I said. - </p> - <p> - “Now, for the new sort,” he whispered, as he drew a letter from his breast - pocket and passed it to me. - </p> - <p> - It was from the young Count Carola, and I was not in the least surprised - by this message in English which, with all its impurity, was better than - the count knew: - </p> - <p> - It has become possible for me to render you a service, and I am glad to do - the same, knowing that you are one of nature's noblemen. As you know, my - income is not large, and I sometimes write articles for a newspaper here - in Rome and for another in Naples, being fond of literature and politics. - To-day a man asked me to read a story which they had and translate it into - the Italian language. I found that it was an account of your career and - told of things which, if they were published, would injure you and your - family. I could not believe them, knowing, as I do, that you are the soul - of honor. I told the man that it was false, and that he had better not - publish it. After some arguments he gave up all idea of publishing the - story, and gave it over to me. I was glad to do what I did, because I love - you and the dear madame and your beautiful daughter, Miss Gwendolyn. - </p> - <p> - It would not be consistent with the honesty of a gentleman of my standing - to take anything from a friend for such a favor, and I ask you to offer me - no reward but your friendship. So please do not think of it again. But may - I not hope that you will let me try to win your heart. Mine is an ancient - name and family, and every member of it has lived honest to this day. I - would like to go to America and go to work in some business. I am tired of - living idle and would be thankful for your advice. I am also very much - worried, and I speak of it with regrets. I hear that Mrs. Norris is - favorable to the Count Raspagnetti. You would not, I am sure, permission - your daughter to marry him without securing information about his - character, which you can accomplish it so easily here in Rome. - </p> - <p> - I made light of the whole matter to save him worry, but what I saw in it - was a conspiracy between Muggs and the count; Muggs had dictated most of - the letter. The thumb-print of Muggs was unmistakable. “Nature's - nobleman,” “the soul of honor,” “a gentleman of my standing,” “lived - honest!” Who but the nugiferous Muggs, with his cheap, learned-by-rote - polish, would express himself in that fashion? Any one who had known Muggs - for an hour would see his hand in this letter. There were his stock - phrases and that peculiar adverbial weakness of his. Who but Muggs could - have written that sentence calculated to answer Norris's chief objection - to such a man—idleness? He had delivered the whip into the hands of - the count, but was holding the reins. The business part of the thing being - over, Muggs had let him finish the letter in his own way. - </p> - <p> - “Who is the Count Raspagnetti?” Norris asked. - </p> - <p> - “I do not know him.” - </p> - <p> - “A new candidate of whom I have not heard!” - </p> - <p> - “And another discoverer of wealth and beauty,” I said. “Refer him to me. - Above all, don't have any communication with the slim count.” - </p> - <p> - “Potter, you are a great friend,” he said. “What the Count Carola wants is - to marry my daughter, and I shall not submit to it.” His anger had risen - as he spoke. He whispered his determination with a clenched fist. - </p> - <p> - “At last we have come to a parting of the ways,” he went on. “I don't know - how I shall do it, but I'm going to confess my sins. We'll get the family - together, and I'll lay my heart bare. It's the only thing to do. It will - be hard on Gwendolyn, but not so hard as marrying a reprobate. It will be - hard on my wife, but there are things worse than disgrace.” - </p> - <p> - “I welcome you back to happiness and sanity,” I said, giving him my hand. - </p> - <p> - “Do you think I have been crazy?” - </p> - <p> - “Well, you haven't been right in your head on this subject, not quite sane - about it. You have reminded me of a woman I knew who threw her cat out of - a second-story window. The cat with open claws landed on top of a - bald-headed gentleman. Then she tumbled down a flight of stairs and broke - a clavicle and the nose of a man who was coming up. And what do you think - it was all about?” - </p> - <p> - He smiled as he looked up at me and shook his head. - </p> - <p> - “Nothing,” I said. “She thought the house was afire when it wasn't. If you - stand up to this thing like a man you'll be surprised by what happens and - by the immensity of your former folly. Women are not playthings. They are - built to carry trouble. A good woman can walk off, like a pack-horse, with - a burden of trouble. You haven't been fair to your women. You have treated - them as if they were too good to be human. It's a gross injustice.” - </p> - <p> - “Call my mother,” said Norris, “and then go down and meet Gwendolyn and - Mary and bring them here. I'm going to make an end of this thing - to-night.” - </p> - <p> - “Please remember this—don't get excited, keep cool, and take it - easy. I'll stand by you.” - </p> - <p> - “Oh, I'm quite calm now that my mind is made up,” said he. “If it kills me - I couldn't die in a better cause.” - </p> - <p> - I called his mother and went below stairs. As I waited I thought of the - new plan of Muggs. The count's letter clearly intimated that Norris must - be his friend or he would publish the facts. If he could force a marriage - he would share the financial end in some manner with Muggs. A little after - one o'clock the ladies arrived with Richard Forbes. I took charge of - Gwendolyn and her mother, and the boy bade us good night. - </p> - <p> - We sat down together for a moment. - </p> - <p> - “We had a wonderful time,” said Gwendolyn. “All the aristocracy of Rome - was there.” - </p> - <p> - “Including the wonderful Count Raspagnetti,” her mother added. “The young - Count Carola stood near as we got into our car. He is the most pathetic - thing!” - </p> - <p> - “We must have nothing more to say to him,” I said. “He has discovered - another most beautiful woman in the world in Miss Muriel Fraley, of Terre - Haute. He is one of the greatest beauty-finders that I have ever seen. But - we must have nothing more to say to him. He has resorted to blackmail to - achieve his purpose.” - </p> - <p> - “What do you mean?” asked Mrs. Norris. Before I could answer she suddenly - opened her heart to me. - </p> - <p> - “So many things have happened and are happening which I cannot - understand,” said she. “My husband has never taken me into his confidence. - I have long known that he was troubled about something. It has always - seemed to annoy him if I rapped ever so softly on the door of his mystery. - Now I do not dare to come near it for fear of making him worse. You seem - to know the man Wilton. Who is he? Why does he turn up in Italy? I detest - him, and I am sure that my husband does also.” - </p> - <p> - “Mr. Norris has had business relations with him, but they are now at an - end,” I answered. - </p> - <p> - “So I had hoped,” said she. “But he called here to see my husband - yesterday. Of course he didn't succeed. The nurse gave Mr. Norris the - card, and his symptoms changed suddenly and were alarming. I am terribly - worried and nervous. I love my husband, and I've felt often that I haven't - been a good wife to him, but he would not let me.” - </p> - <p> - Her eyes had filled with tears. - </p> - <p> - “Your unhappiness will end this night. Come with me to Whitfield's room. - He has something to tell you. He asked me to meet you here.” - </p> - <p> - “How strange!” said Mrs. Norris, as she rose with a frightened look. - </p> - <p> - I led the way, and we proceeded in silence to the room where Norris lay. - His mother sat beside him on the bed. - </p> - <p> - “Mary and Gwendolyn, come here,” he said. - </p> - <p> - He took a hand of each in his as they stood by his bedside. - </p> - <p> - “Potter, I want you to stay with us and hear what I have to say,” he - called to me. - </p> - <p> - A little moment of silence followed in which his spirit seemed to be - breaking its fetters. - </p> - <p> - “Mary, I have sinned against you,” he said. “It was your right to know - long since what I have now to tell you. But I was a coward. I loved you - and feared to lose your love, and so I kept you from knowing the truth - about me. Then came Gwendolyn, and the lovelier she grew the more cowardly - I became. I hadn't the heart to tell either of you what I now must tell, - that I went to prison long ago for a crime. It was not a very bad crime, - but bad enough to disgrace you.” - </p> - <p> - In a flash the thought came to me that he was not going to tell the whole' - truth; he would protect his father's good name. - </p> - <p> - Mrs. Norris put her arm about her husband's neck and kissed him tenderly. - “My love,” said she, “I knew all that years ago, but for fear of hurting - you I've never spoken of it. Long, long ago I knew all about your - trouble.” - </p> - <p> - His mother rose from the bed where she had been calmly sitting with bowed - head and tearful eyes. - </p> - <p> - “Not all,” said she. “You do not know that he took my husband's sin upon - him, and that all these years he has been suffering in silence for the - sake of another. I am sure there is no greater saint in heaven than this - man.” - </p> - <p> - “Oh, Whitfield! Why didn't you let me help you?” said his wife, as she - sank to her knees beside him. - </p> - <p> - The scene had suddenly become too sacred for any words of mine. - </p> - <p> - Not one of us spoke for a while, but there was something above all words - in the silence. It was feebly expressed at length in these of Norris, and - I like to recall them when I begin to feel a bit cynical: - </p> - <p> - “I'm no saint. I'm just an average American businessman—very human, - very foolish! But there are many who would do more than I have done for - the love of a friend. My father was such a man.” - </p> - <p> - Gwendolyn came and kissed me when I bade them good night, and I drew her - aside and said to her: - </p> - <p> - “With such men in America why are we looking for counts in Italy?” - </p> - <p> - She made no answer, but I understood the little squeeze of gratitude which - my hand felt. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0014" id="link2H_4_0014"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - XIII.—IN WHICH I FIGHT A DUEL WITH ONE OF THE OLDEST WEAPONS IN THE - WORLD - </h2> - <p class="pfirst"> - <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">N</span>EXT morning a note - came to Betsey from Mrs. Norris saying that she and Gwendolyn had decided - to spend the whole day at home with their patient, and would, therefore, - be unable to ride out as they had planned to do. She inclosed another - letter of dog-like servility from the slim count and asked me to see what - I could do to suppress him. In this letter he referred to me as a vulgar - fellow who had disregarded his challenge. This she did not understand, and - rightly thought that I would know what he meant. - </p> - <p> - So I was reminded that the pitchforks and the time to use them had - arrived. I informed De Langueville of the fact. He invited me to call at - his studio at noon, and added that he hoped it would be convenient to - bring the forks with me. I sent Betsey out shopping and 'phoned for - Richard, and when he came to my room I met him with one of those weapons - in my hands. - </p> - <p> - “I am ready for the stern arbitrament of the pitchfork,” I said. “Will you - come with me?” - </p> - <p> - “Certainly,” said he. - </p> - <p> - “Come on,” I said, as I started with one of the forks in my hands. “I'm - going to get through with my haying to-day if possible.” - </p> - <p> - “Hadn't we better send the forks by messenger?” said Richard. - </p> - <p> - “No, I'd rather carry them myself,” I answered. “I don't want them to be - delayed or lost in transit.” - </p> - <p> - “They are not so elegant as swords or guns,” he said, as he took one of - the forks. - </p> - <p> - “They are more reputable,” I assured him. - </p> - <p> - We made our way into the crowded street and soon entered a drug shop to - buy some first-aid materials, and deposited our forks in a corner near a - small boy who sat on a stool devouring primes. He soon discovered a better - use for his prunes and amused himself by-impaling them on the fork tines. - When we were ready to go we gathered the fruit and gave it back to the - boy. - </p> - <p> - I never had so much fun with a pitchfork in all my life. In fact, I can - think of no more promising field for the pitchfork than the city of Rome. - It is an exciting tool, and as an inspirer of reminiscence the fork is - even mightier than the sword or the pen. Mine rose above me like a - lightning-rod, and currents of thought began to play around the burnished - tines. I never dreamed that there were so many ex-farmers of our own land - in Italy. A number of them stopped us to indulge in stories of the - hay-field. We might have learned of many a busy and exciting day on “the - old farm,” but time pressed and we sprang into a cab and soon entered the - studio of the sculptor with the forks in our hands. - </p> - <p> - “Here we are,” I said, as De Langueville opened the door. - </p> - <p> - To my painful surprise, the young count was there. He was looking at a - sword when we caught sight of him. He sheathed and laid it down on a table - and joined the sculptor, who had begun to examine the forks. The end of - each tine excited their interest. De Langueville felt them, and then there - was a little dialogue in Italian between him and his friend which was not - wholly lost upon me. - </p> - <p> - “They use it to fight Indians,” said the sculptor. - </p> - <p> - “They are poisoned,” said the count, as his eye detected some stains on - the steel which had been made by the prime-juice. - </p> - <p> - “I think so,” the other answered, and then, addressing me in English, he - asked: - </p> - <p> - “Will you kindly name the day and hour?” - </p> - <p> - “Here and now,” was my answer. - </p> - <p> - Another dialogue in Italian followed, and then De Langueville said to me: - </p> - <p> - “It is impossible. The count requests for more time.” - </p> - <p> - “I have no more time to waste on this little matter,” I said. “If he - wishes to call it off—” But he didn't—no such luck for me! I - had talked too much. The count had taken exception to the words “call it - off.” They must have sounded highly insulting, for he flew mad, as they - say in Connecticut, and stepped forward with a fine flourish and seized - one of the forks. “Call it off” was apparently the one thing which the - count could not stand, and I had meant to be careful. His rich Italian - blood mounted to his face. I began to like him better. - </p> - <p> - “I will fight you here and at present if my friend the baron will give to - us the permission,” he declared. - </p> - <p> - “One moment,” said the baron, as he hurried away. - </p> - <p> - We sat in silence for five minutes or so when he returned with a surgeon. - </p> - <p> - I could not run now, and there were no trees to climb, although there was - an heroic figure of the New Italy with a kind of staging that rose to her - chin. There was also a long alley that was lined with busts and statues. - </p> - <p> - “It looks as if we are in for it,” Forbes whispered. - </p> - <p> - “I'm ready,” I assured him. “A man who talks as much as I do ought to be - willing to fight, especially when there's no chance to run. I enjoy life - and safety as much as any one, but you can carry it too far.” - </p> - <p> - Forbes turned away and conferred with the sculptor, and placed us about - fifteen feet apart. - </p> - <p> - “I will count three, and at the last number you will approach together and - fight,” said De Langueville. - </p> - <p> - The young count had no lack of courage, for I have since learned that he - regarded me as a kind of human cobra with poisoned fangs more than a foot - long. He was rather pale when we stood face to face. - </p> - <p> - I am a man a little past fifty, and not so quick as when I was a boy, no - doubt, but I have always kept myself in good shape—tramped and - chopped wood and hoed beans enough to feed Boston for a month of - Saturdays; so I think that I am as strong as ever. I had no sanguinary - designs upon the count; I chiefly harbored preservative designs upon - myself. I had got into this trouble in a good cause, and my white feathers - were carefully dyed. Of course I couldn't acknowledge that a count was - better than a mister. - </p> - <p> - So I faced the blue-blooded warrior as if he were a cock in a field of - good timothy, with rain-clouds in the sky. We stood with our forks raised, - and the six tines rang upon one another as soon as the word was given. He - was overwrought by his fear of poison, I suppose, and had not the power of - arm and shoulder that I had. We shoved and twisted, and then he broke away - and came on with little stabs at the air. Suddenly I caught his tines in - mine and wrenched the fork from his hands. Forbes has said that I looked - savage, and I believe him, for I was getting hot. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0004" id="linkimage-0004"> </a> - </p> - <div class="fig" style="width:50%;"> - <img src="images/0193.jpg" alt="0193m " width="100%" /><br /> - </div> - <h5> - <a href="images/0193.jpg"><img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a> - </h5> - <p> - “First blood!” I shouted, as I rushed toward him, intending to pick up his - fork and put it back in his hands. But he did not stop to learn my - intentions. “First blood!” meant murder to him. I had taken but a step in - his direction when he was in full flight. I didn't blame him a bit. I - would have fled; any one would have fled. That yell and the prune-juice - did it. - </p> - <p> - “Hold on!” I shouted, with a fork in each hand, as I chased him a hundred - feet or more down a long aisle lined with the busts of grocers, butchers, - brokers, and lumber kings. The words “Hold on!” must have sounded nasty, - for he put on more steam. I did not mean to hurt him; I only wished to - take his hand and congratulate him on his speed. But I couldn't go fast - enough. Before I was half down the aisle he had got to the end of it and - jumped over the high shelf between the marble presentments of the missing - actress and the Michigan lumber dealer. I knew better than to laugh—it - was ill-bred—but I could not help it. Now I could hear the feet of - the count hurrying toward me. I ought to have kept still. - </p> - <p> - “We cannot fight with such weapons,” said the baron; “it is barbarous.” - </p> - <p> - “If you will fight me with the sword I shall prove to you my grand - courage,” said the young count, as he emerged, panting, from behind a - group of statues. - </p> - <p> - “I need no further proof of your courage,” I said, gently. “You act brave - enough to suit me.” - </p> - <p> - “Try me with the sword,” he urged. “You are one coward; you are one - coward. You have attacka me when the weapon was not in my hand.” - </p> - <p> - Richard came forward coolly and put his hand on the count's arm. - </p> - <p> - “You are wrong, and you ought to apologize,” he said, firmly. - </p> - <p> - The count turned upon him with a polite bow, and said: - </p> - <p> - “Perhaps you will give me the satisfaction.” - </p> - <p> - “If you like, I'll take it up for him,” said Forbes, with admirable - coolness. “He is older than you, and not accustomed to the sword.” - </p> - <p> - “Look here—I won't let you fight for me,” I said. “These fellows are - used to the sword and pistol. They have nothing else to do and are looking - for a sure thing. Fight him with your fists—if he's bound to fight - again.” - </p> - <p> - “Him! That would be too sure a thing, I'm afraid,” said Richard. “I've - practised this game of fencing at college and the Fencers' Club. I'm not - afraid of the count.” - </p> - <p> - I had observed that a number of swords had been lying on a table near us. - Before Richard's remark was finished the count had picked up one of them - and said to my friend: - </p> - <p> - “Come—you are not fearful—like a lady. Give me one chance.” - </p> - <p> - Before anything more could be done or said the young men were at it, and, - to my great relief, I saw that Forbes was able to take care of himself. - The count was a clever swordsman, but my friend was stronger and just as - quick. - </p> - <p> - It is about the prettiest survival of feudal times, this bloody game of - the sword. - </p> - <p> - I observed that the clock in the studio indicated the moment of 12.18 when - the contest began. It lasted for an hour or more, as I thought, when it - ended with blood-flowing from the sword-arm of the count at 12.21. The - count was satisfied and breathing heavily. Forbes was fresh and strong. - </p> - <p> - “It is enough,” the slim count shouted, and the battle was over. - </p> - <p> - “You play with the sword so skilful,” the latter panted, as De Langueville - and the surgeon began to dress his wound. - </p> - <p> - “All you need is a pair of lungs,” said Forbes. “The pair you have may do - for sucking cigarettes, but not for fighting.” - </p> - <p> - “And I politely request that you do not use them again in making love to - Miss Norris,” I said. “Hereafter I shall carry a fork with me, and any man - who follows us again will get it run into him. But now that you know that - they do not want to graft you on their family tree you will, of course, - annoy them no more. I expect you're a much better fellow than you seem to - be.” - </p> - <p> - “And they will permission her to marry Raspagnetti?” he demanded. - </p> - <p> - “Why not?” was my query. - </p> - <p> - “Well, he has been married already and has amuse himself by dragging his - wife around his palace by the hairs of her head.” - </p> - <p> - “It's a bad fashion,” I said; “it wears out the carpets.” - </p> - <p> - He looked puzzled. - </p> - <p> - “But it's an ancient diversion of the Romans,” I went on, remembering that - panel in one of the galleries which portrayed the extraction of the - whiskers of a captive who was tied hand and foot—one of the basest - amusements I can think of. - </p> - <p> - As we talked the surgeon was at work on the arm of the young man. - </p> - <p> - “Let's go and get a bite to eat,” Richard proposed, and we made our - escape. - </p> - <p> - While we were eating he said: - </p> - <p> - “Don't say anything of my part in this little scrap. I'm ashamed of it. To - draw blood from him is like taking candy from a child.” At the hotel - Richard found a cable that summoned him to New York. Late that afternoon - Gwendolyn and her mother and Betsey went with him to the station where he - took a train for the north. I bade the boy good-by and said as I did so: - </p> - <p> - “Leave the case in my hands again.” - </p> - <p> - “It's hopeless!” said he. - </p> - <p> - “Not exactly!” I answered. - </p> - <p> - “She has turned me down.” - </p> - <p> - “Turned you down?” - </p> - <p> - “Yes, I had a talk with her last evening.” - </p> - <p> - “You'll have to try it again some other evening,” I said. - </p> - <p> - “She doesn't want to marry any one. That's about the way she puts it—but - more politely. I told her that if she didn't want to be proposed to again - she'd better avoid me. I expect to convince her that she's wrong.” - </p> - <p> - He left me, and I went to see Norris, who had sent word that he wished to - talk with me. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0015" id="link2H_4_0015"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - XIV.—MISS GWENDOLYN DEFINES HER POSITION - </h2> - <p class="pfirst"> - <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span> FOUND Norris - looking better, and it's a sure thing that I was looking worse. I felt - weary—the natural reaction of all that deviltry! Exercise with the - pitchfork is all right under proper circumstances, but a man near fifty - years of age should use more care than I had done in the choice of - circumstances. - </p> - <p> - “What's the matter?” was the query of Norris. - </p> - <p> - “Been fightin',” I said, remembering how I had answered a similar question - of my father one day when I returned from school with a black eye and my - trousers torn. “They kep' pickin' on me.” - </p> - <p> - Then I told him the story of my quarrel with the slim count and its - climax. But I said nothing of Forbes's part in the matter. We laughed so - loudly that the nurse entered in a panic to see what was the matter. - </p> - <p> - “Nothing's the matter except good health,” I said. “We're both twenty - years younger than we were a short time ago, and if you know any remedy - for that go and throw it out of the window.” - </p> - <p> - She retired from the scene, and we went on with our talk. - </p> - <p> - “You're about the most versatile lawyer that I ever knew,” said he. “Such - devotion I did not deserve or expect. If there's any more fighting to be - done we'll hire a boy. For what you have done I say 'Thanks,' and you know - what I mean by that. Gosh t' Almighty! I'm going to get out of bed, and - we'll have some fun.” - </p> - <p> - “I'm beginning to long for the old sod!” I remarked. - </p> - <p> - “So'm I. Let's go south for a little while and then home. It looks as if - we should have to take a count with us as a souvenir.” - </p> - <p> - “The Raspagnetti?” I asked. - </p> - <p> - “The same,” said he. “Read that.” - </p> - <p> - He drew from under his pillow a letter from the Count Raspagnetti, which - said: - </p> - <p> - <i>I am sorry that you are sick, for I desire so much to talk with you and - tell you, I should say, how profoundly I am in love with your beautiful - and accomplished daughter. The esteemed Monsignor who bears this note, and - who is my friend and yours also, can tell you that I am worthy of your - confidence, although unworthy, so to speak, of such an adorable creature - as Miss Gwendolyn. But I feel in my heart that I cannot be happy without - her. I assure you that I would rather die than find it impossible to make - her my wife. So I hope that you will let me see you soon, if your health - should cherish the endurance, and permit me to speak of such things to - her.</i> - </p> - <p> - I had scarcely finished reading it when Norris said: - </p> - <p> - “The Monsignor, whom I had met in New York, and who is one of the most - courtly gentlemen you can imagine, came to see me this morning and - recommended the count without reserve as one of the first gentlemen of - Italy. I guess he's all right, and I agree with my wife that we will put - it up to Gwendolyn and let her do as she likes. If she must have a title I - presume she couldn't do better.” - </p> - <p> - I was about to suggest that she would need a special allowance for - hair-restorer, but restrained myself. I thought that I wouldn't say - anything disagreeable unless it should be necessary and also susceptible - of proof. - </p> - <p> - “What does Gwendolyn think of him?” I asked. - </p> - <p> - “I haven't said a word to Gwendolyn about him—yet. I'll have a talk - with her tomorrow or perhaps to-night. When I awoke this morning about two - o'clock Gwendolyn and her mother were standing by the bed. The girl has - taken the notion that she must do the nursing herself. I haven't been fair - to them. I guess it's up to me to let them do the marrying. Mrs. Norris - seems to like this man, and if Gwendolyn wants him I shall fall in line. - I'm not going to be a Czar even in the interest of democracy.” - </p> - <p> - “It's the wisest possible course,” I agreed. - </p> - <p> - “I wish that you'd post yourself about the sailings,” said he, as I left - him. - </p> - <p> - I broke a Roman record that evening—went to bed at eight. In Rome - the day doesn't really begin until about that hour. At two o'clock people - are coming out of the cafés, and the blood of Italy is in full song. - Betsey complained that I yelled in my sleep, and I believed her. - </p> - <p> - The voice of the nightingales awoke me just before daylight. What a - mellow-voiced chorus it is! A man has got to search his memory if he's - going to try to describe it. The softest tones of the flute are in that - song. It has an easy-flowing conversational lilt. It's a kind of swift, - tumbling brook of flute music. As the light grew a noisy band of sparrows - came on the scene. For a little while the soft phrases of the nightingales - were woven into the sparrows' chatter. They ceased suddenly. I rose and - dressed and went down into the little park outside my windows just as the - sun's light began to show in the sky. In a moment I saw a young lady - approaching in one of the garden paths. - </p> - <p> - She waved to me and called, “Hello, Uncle Soc!” - </p> - <p> - It was Gwendolyn. - </p> - <p> - “Child! Why are you not in bed?” I asked. - </p> - <p> - “I've worked at idleness so long and so hard that I'm taking a little - vacation,” said she. “I sat all night with father. He couldn't sleep, and - we talked and talked, and then I read to him and he fell asleep half an - hour ago, and I came down for a breath of the morning air.” - </p> - <p> - “Don't get reckless with your holiday—all night is a rather long - pull,” I suggested. - </p> - <p> - “I enjoyed every minute. You see, I've never had a chance to do anything - for him. My father has always been so busy, and I away in school or - traveling with my mother or Mrs. Mushtop. I was never quite so happy as I - am now.” - </p> - <p> - “There's nothing so restful as honest toil,” I said. “The fact is you've - been overworking in the past—struggling with luncheons, teas, - dinners, dressmakers, and dances, and getting through at midnight. It's - too much for any human being. If you could only go to work in a laundry or - a kitchen or a sick-room, how restful and soothing it would be!” - </p> - <p> - “I understand you now, Uncle Soc,” said she. “We must see that it pays. - Last night I was so well paid for my work! I discovered my father. The - night passed like magic and filled me with happiness. To-day life is worth - living. He told me of his boyhood, and I told him of my girlhood and that - I wanted to make it different. - </p> - <p> - “'You must let me do the nursing,' I said. “'Why?' he asked. - </p> - <p> - “'Because I love you,' I told him, and what do you think he said?” - </p> - <p> - “My thinker got overheated and blew up the other day, and is undergoing - repairs,” I answered. “So you'll have to tell me.” - </p> - <p> - “I shall remember it so long as I live,” she went on, with tears in her - eyes, “for he said, 'I've found a daughter, and it's the best thing that's - happened to me since I found a wife.'” - </p> - <p> - “My, what a night! You found the greatest luxury in the world, which is - work,” I said. “Don't go to dissipating like a child with a can of jelly - and make yourself sick of it. Go easy. Be temperate.” - </p> - <p> - “Uncle Soc, you dear old thing!” she exclaimed. “I'm beginning to know you - better, too. I want you to tell me something. Father said that we should - be going home soon. Now, <i>what</i> can I take to Richard? It must be - something very, very nice—something that he will be sure to like.” - </p> - <p> - “Why take anything to Richard?” I asked. “I refuse to tell you why,” she - answered. “But please remember that I have not the slightest hope of every - marrying Richard.” - </p> - <p> - “You have lost your heart in Italy,” I said. “But I was kind o' hoping - that you'd recover it.” - </p> - <p> - “I know that you and father have been worried about that, but you didn't - know me so well as you thought. I had heard much about these Italians, and - they are handsome men, and the Count Raspagnetti is a very grand - gentleman. I have been impressed, for I am as human as other girls, but I - cannot marry the count, and if he asks me I shall tell him so; and I can - do it with a clear conscience, for <i>I</i> have given him no - encouragement.” - </p> - <p> - I made no answer, being unhorsed by this unexpected turn. - </p> - <p> - “I do not propose to marry any one, and if you will think for a moment you - will know why.” - </p> - <p> - In a flash her meaning came to me. She'd have to tell her father's secret - to the man she married, and that she would never do. Again that old - skeleton in the family closet was grinning at us. - </p> - <p> - “Gwendolyn, my thinker has been worn out by overwork here in Italy or it - would not have been asleep at its post,” I said. “I take off my hat to you - and keep it off as long as you're near me. Jiminy Christmas! I like the - stuff you're made of, but look here—the case isn't hopeless. I'll - show you a way out of this trouble some day. Come on, let's go in and have - some breakfast. I'm hungry as a bear.” - </p> - <p> - “No, thanks! I must go back to my patient,” said the girl. “I never eat - any breakfast.” - </p> - <p> - “The breakfast habit is purely American. You'll acquire it by and by,” I - assured her. “Wait until you get a settled liking for long days and short - nights.” - </p> - <p> - She left me, and I thought that I would take a little walk under the trees - before going in. I had not gone a dozen paces when Muggs came along. He - was looking pale and thin and rather untidy. - </p> - <p> - “I knew that you were an early riser,” said he. “I came to find you if I - could.” - </p> - <p> - He must have seen a look of anger in my face, for he went on: - </p> - <p> - “Don't be hard on me. I've come to bring you that two hundred dollars, - with fifty added for the hat and coat.” - </p> - <p> - He gave me a check, and it nearly knocked me down with astonishment. “What - cunning ruse is this?” I asked myself, and said: “You're not looking - well.” - </p> - <p> - “I can't eat or sleep,” he continued. “I've been walking the streets since - midnight. There's something I wanted to say, but I'm not up to it now. - I'll try to see you again within a day or two.” - </p> - <p> - He bade me good morning and went on, and I was puzzled by the serious look - in his face. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0016" id="link2H_4_0016"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - XV.—-SOMETHING HAPPENS TO THE MAN MUGGS - </h2> - <p class="pfirst"> - <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">S</span>OME people are so - careless with their affections that they even forget where they laid 'em - the day before, and often go about sputtering like an old gentleman who - has lost his spectacles. My grandfather was once so mad at a table on - which he had found them lying, unexpectedly, that he seized a poker and - put a dent in it. He was like many modern lovers—divorced and - otherwise. They should remember that misplaced affection has made more - trouble than anything else. - </p> - <p> - Mrs. Mullet had been a bit careless with her affections, and especially in - taking Mr. Pike's recommendation of Colonel Wilton. What could have been - the motive of Mr. Pike? - </p> - <p> - Mrs. Mullet called to see us next morning. - </p> - <p> - “Something very strange has happened,” said she. - </p> - <p> - “If you were to tell me something that wasn't strange I wouldn't believe - it,” I answered. “Go ahead; you can't astonish me.” - </p> - <p> - “Please read this letter,” she requested, as she drew a sheet of paper - from an envelope and put it into my hands and added, “It's from Colonel - Wilton.” - </p> - <p> - “From Wilton!” I exclaimed, and began reading aloud the singular human - document. His emotion conferred rank upon her, for he had addressed Mrs. - Mullet in this baronial fashion: - </p> - <p> - <i>My dear Lady Maude,—I have completed the payments due to date on - the bust and the oil-painting, because I have decided that if I cannot - have you I must have them. I want to live with them, for I believe they - will help me. I tell you the God's truth, I have been a bad man, but I - want to be better and make good to every one I have wronged. I can't do it - for a little while yet, but I'm going to as sure as there's a God in - heaven. I was a fool to write that letter, but I was discouraged. You are - the only woman I ever loved. I take back all that I wrote in that letter. - I won't put any price on you. I can't. You are better than all the money - in the world. I don't blame you a bit for not having anything more to do - with me. You don't know what I have suffered; you can't know, but I know. - I shall never give you a moment's trouble. Don't be afraid to meet me in - the street. I may look at you, but I shall not speak to you. Don't hate - me; but, if you can, ask Jesus Christ to forgive me and help me to live - honest. I don't believe that He wants me to suffer always like this. Don't - hate me, because I love you, and please remember me as Lysander Wilton.</i> - </p> - <p> - Its script was curious. Every word was written with extreme care, and some - were embellished with little flourishes. I remembered how slowly and - carefully he had formed the letters in that signature in my office. - </p> - <p> - There were tears in the eyes of Mrs. Mullet when I folded the letter and - looked into her face. - </p> - <p> - “What do you think of it?” she asked. - </p> - <p> - “Sounds as if he meant it, but he's an able sounder,” I answered. - </p> - <p> - “He had a good case and has given up all claim upon her,” said Betsey, in - the tone of gentle protest. - </p> - <p> - “Oh, well! he wouldn't dare to bring a suit here or in America,” I - objected. “She might get the hatchet, but he would get the ax.” - </p> - <p> - “How would you explain his payments on the bust and the portrait?” Betsey - asked. - </p> - <p> - Sure enough, why was he buying the bust and the painting, and how had he - got the money to do it? - </p> - <p> - “It looks as if he had gone out of his mind,” said Betsey. - </p> - <p> - “Nobody could blame him for going out of his mind,” was my answer. “If I - had his mind I'd go out of it.” - </p> - <p> - “Perhaps she has driven him into a new and a better mind,” said Betsey. - </p> - <p> - “That's possible. There's plenty of room outside his old mental horizon. - If it's honest love I should think he would die of astonishment to find - such goods on himself.” - </p> - <p> - “Well, you see, he was not very well, and I was a kind of mother to him - here,” Mrs. Mullet answered, as she wiped her eyes. “He was kind and - thoughtful and so very handsome. I was really fond of him.” - </p> - <p> - Mrs. Mullet yielded again to her emotions. She was not a bad sort of a - woman, after all. - </p> - <p> - True, she was still afflicted with a light attack of the beauty disease. - But she had a heart in her. She was, too, “a well-fashioned, enticing - creature,” as Samuel Pepys would have said. I didn't blame Muggs for - leaping in love with her. It was as natural as for a boy to leap into a - swimming-hole. - </p> - <p> - “What shall I do?” she asked, presently. - </p> - <p> - “Study art as hard as you can,” I said. “Botticelli may help you to forget - Muggs. But don't fail to tell me what happens. I've got to know how Muggs - gets along with his new affliction.” - </p> - <p> - She agreed to keep me posted, and left us. - </p> - <p> - A note came from Mrs. Fraley that afternoon. She wished to see me on a - matter of business, and wouldn't we go and drink tea with them at five? - They were spending the day in the Capitoline Museum, where Muriel was at - work. - </p> - <p> - We couldn't drink tea with them, and so Betsey proposed that we walk to - the museum and see what they wanted. We did it. - </p> - <p> - Miss Muriel was copying a figure of Socrates on the fragment of a frieze. - The beauty disease had visibly progressed in her—hair a shade - richer, eyes more strongly underscored. Old Socrates was so different, - sitting in conversation and leaning forward on his staff. One bare foot - rested comfortably on the other. They were a good-sized pair of - industrious and reliable feet. He seemed to be addressing his argument to - the young lady who sat before him. The expression of the big toe on his - right foot indicated that it was not wholly unmoved by his words. - </p> - <p> - Mrs. Fraley beckoned me aside and whispered: - </p> - <p> - “The dear child is making wonderful progress. She is copying that for one - of the New York magazines. Muriel has made a great social success in Rome. - Mrs. Wartz has taken her up, and her name is in the Paris <i>Herald</i> - almost every day.” - </p> - <p> - In a moment she made an illuminating proposal: - </p> - <p> - “I want to borrow fifty thousand dollars on good security—the bonds - of the Great Bend & Lake Michigan Traction Company,” she said. “I - would pay you a liberal fee if you would help me.” - </p> - <p> - “It's a bad time to borrow money,” I answered. “Is it a bust or a - painting?” - </p> - <p> - “Neither; it's Miss Muriel's marriage portion. The count has proposed, and - I find that he is one of the dearest, noblest young men that ever lived.” - </p> - <p> - There was no help for these people. An appeal to their minds was like - shooting into the sky or writing in water. You couldn't land on them. - </p> - <p> - “Oh, then it's a husband!” I exclaimed. - </p> - <p> - “Yes, and we want to take him home with us.” - </p> - <p> - “He requires cash down?” - </p> - <p> - “I believe it is usual.” - </p> - <p> - “Are you sure that Muriel could manage him? He's pretty coltish and has - never been halter-broke. He might rare up an' pull away an' run off with - the money.” - </p> - <p> - “He loves her to distraction, he worships and adores her, and she is very, - very fond of him.” - </p> - <p> - “You are far from your friends here,” I said. “Suppose you ask the count - to call on me and talk it over. It may be that I could arrange easy terms. - Possibly we could even get him on the instalment plan, with a small - payment down.” - </p> - <p> - “I would not dare suggest it,” said Mrs. Fraley. - </p> - <p> - “Cable to your banker, and if the bonds are good he ought to be able to - get the money for you.” - </p> - <p> - “I thought of that, but to save time I hoped that you would be willing to - let me have it.” - </p> - <p> - “I wouldn't assist you to commit a folly which you are sure to regret,” I - answered. “In my opinion he would be dear at ten dollars. It looks to me - like taking over a liability instead of an asset.” - </p> - <p> - “We didn't ask for your opinion,” said Miss Muriel, as she blushed with - indignation. - </p> - <p> - “My opinions are as easy to get as counts in Italy,” I said. “You don't - have to ask for them. I give you one thing more—my best wishes. - Good-by!” - </p> - <p> - With that we left them. Things began to move fast. Norris came down to - dinner, and we all sat together in the dining-room with the new count. It - was the last despairing effort of mama to grasp the persimmon. She had - boosted her daughter within easy reach of said persimmon, but Gwendolyn - refused to pull it down. Her attitude was polite but firm. - </p> - <p> - “It doesn't look good to me,” she seemed to be saying. - </p> - <p> - The count told thrilling tales of royal friends and palaces, and they all - rang like good metal, for this count was a real aristocrat. Still, “No, - thanks” was in the voice and manner of Gwendolyn. He twanged airy - compliments on his little guitar. - </p> - <p> - “No, thanks!” - </p> - <p> - Gwendolyn gave me a sly wink and suggested that I should tell a story. I - saw what was expected of me and got the floor and kept it. Finally the - count played his best trump. They would be invited to a fête in the palace - of a certain noted prince. - </p> - <p> - “No, thanks!” said Gwendolyn, before her mother could answer. “It is very - kind of you, but we shall be so busy getting ready to sail.” - </p> - <p> - The count took his medicine like a thoroughbred. - </p> - <p> - “And you—you must not be astonished to see me in America before much - time, I should say,” he answered. - </p> - <p> - “What a joy to welcome you there!” Mrs. Norris exclaimed. - </p> - <p> - Then followed a little duet in Fifth Avenue and Roman dialect with monocle - and minuet accompaniment by the great artists Norris and Raspagnetti based - on these allegations: - </p> - <p> - <i>First: She was so glad to have had the great pleasure of meeting him.</i> - </p> - <p> - <i>Second: He was so glad to have had the honor of meeting her and her - daughter.</i> - </p> - <p> - <i>Third: She was so sorry to say good-by.</i> - </p> - <p> - <i>Fourth: She was a dear lady, and could never know how much pain it - “afflicted upon him” to say good-by; but fortunately she was not leaving - him hopeless.</i> - </p> - <p> - The climax had passed. - </p> - <p> - Gwendolyn got her hand kissed, and so did her mother—there was no - dodging that—but it was our last experience with the hand-smackers - of Italy. - </p> - <p> - We had a happy American evening together in the Norris apartments, and - Mrs. Norris seemed to enjoy my imitation of her parting with the count. - The first occurrence of note in the morning was Mrs. Mullet. She was - getting to be a perennial, but she grew a foot that day in our estimation. - She had brought with her a note from Muggs. He was very ill in his room - and begged her to come and see him as a last favor. What should she do? - </p> - <p> - “Let's go and see him—you and I and Mrs. Potter,” was my suggestion. - “This has all the ear-marks of a case of true love. My professional advice - has never been sought in a case of that kind; but come on, let's see what - there is to it.” - </p> - <p> - We went and found Muggs abed, with a high fever. No more nonsense now! - I've got to be decently serious for a few minutes. We were amazed to see - how the sight of Mrs. Mullet affected him, and how tenderly he clung to - her hands, and begged her to forget the man he had been. She turned to me - with wet eyes and said: - </p> - <p> - “I cannot leave him like this. I shall send for a nurse and doctor, and - take care of him. He has no friends here.” - </p> - <p> - “Bully for you!” I said. “If he's out of money I'll help you pay the - bills.” - </p> - <p> - We went away a little mystified by this behavior on the part of Muggs. - </p> - <p> - We were leaving next day for the south, and Mrs. Mullet came to say - good-by to us. “How is your patient?” I asked. - </p> - <p> - “He was delirious all night, and dictated letters to me as if I had been - his stenographer. I took them down with a pencil. I have brought two of - them for you to read. I do not understand them; perhaps you will know what - they mean.” - </p> - <p> - The first was addressed to a man in Mexico, and it said: - </p> - <p> - <i>Dear Mack,—At last my ship has come in, and I am doing what I - have longed to do for many years, and what I have dreamed of doing a - thousand times. I inclose a check for all that I owe you, with interest. - Forgive me. Please forgive me. I didn't know what I was doing. I expected - to return it within a week, but I lost it all. I want you to tell every - one that knows me that I am an honest man.</i> - </p> - <p> - The second letter was to the Honorable Whitfield Norris, and it said: - </p> - <p> - <i>Dear Sir,—At last I am able to do what I have wanted to do for - years. I inclose a check for all the money you have given me, with - interest to date. Please send me a receipt for the same. I always intended - to make good and live honest, and I want you to think well of me, for I - think that you are the greatest man I ever met.</i> - </p> - <p> - All this puzzled me at first, and I went at once with Mrs. Mullet to - Muggs's room. The sick man's fever had abated, and his head was clear. - </p> - <p> - “You have been dictating a letter to Norris,” I said. - </p> - <p> - “What letter?” he asked. - </p> - <p> - “Didn't you dictate a letter to Norris last night?” - </p> - <p> - “No,” he answered, sadly. - </p> - <p> - “Have you any money?” I asked. - </p> - <p> - “I have made a little money out of an old investment in a copper-mine,” he - answered, in a faint voice. “It has begun to pay, and they have sent me - eighteen hundred dollars. There's eleven hundred left. It's in the Banca - d'Italia. In my book you'll find a check for that two hundred dollars. - It's on the bureau there.” - </p> - <p> - “You gave me that,” I said. - </p> - <p> - “Did I?” he whispered, and was sound asleep in a few seconds. - </p> - <p> - I returned to Mrs. Mullet, full of sober thought. - </p> - <p> - “Those letters are the voice of his soul,” I said. “It really wants to pay - up and be honest.” - </p> - <p> - She saw my meaning and wept, and said, as soon as she could speak: - </p> - <p> - “Perhaps, in the sight of God, he has already paid his debts.” - </p> - <p> - “An honorable delirium isn't quite enough,” I said, “but it does show that - his soul is acquiring good habits.” - </p> - <p> - “I'm so happy that you think so,” she answered. - </p> - <p> - “Yes, I'd rather have him now with all his past than any count I have seen - in Italy. There are all kinds of pasts, but Muggs is ashamed of his—that's - something! Of course it isn't safe to jump at conclusions, but it looks as - if the love of a decent woman had done a good deal for him.” - </p> - <p> - I left her with a happy smile on her face, and way down in me I could hear - my soul laughing at the wise old country lawyer who had got Muggs so - securely placed in his rogue's gallery. He had been reading law in a - better book than any on his shelves. I had once smiled when I had read in - one of Mr. Chesterton's essays that “Christianity looks for the honest man - inside the thief.” I said to myself that I had never seen the honest man - aforementioned. But here he was at last. I described him to Betsey. - </p> - <p> - “The love of that woman has done it,” said she. - </p> - <p> - “The love of a good woman is a big thing,” I answered, as I put my arm - around her. “Kind o' like the finger o' Jesus touching the eyes o' the - blind—that's the way it looks to me.” - </p> - <p> - Next day we drove to Naples. Good-by, Rome, city of lovely shapes and - jeweled walls and golden ceilings, graveyard of races and empires, - paradise of saints and industrious marryers! How's that for a valedictory? - Well, you see, I bought a guitar, and it's time I began to practise. - </p> - <p> - Naples is different. It's a kind of theater. There the very poor play the - part of the starving mendicant as soon as they are able to walk; the cheap - tradesman plays the self-sacrificing saint; the fairly well-to-do man - plays the part of a millionaire with his trap and horses on the Via Roma, - and every driver plays the tyrant. The song of the lash, which had its - part in the ancient music of Persia, fills the air of the old city. - </p> - <p> - It worried us, and we went to Sicily and spent a month at Taormina—a - place of which I do not dare to speak for fear of dropping into poetry, - and when I drop into poetry I make a good deal of a splash, as you may - have observed, and it takes me a week to get dry. Norris fell in love with - it, and so did the ladies. I wondered how I was going to get them to move, - but not for long. - </p> - <p> - Gwendolyn and I, sitting alone in the old Greek theater one lovely - afternoon, had the talk for which I had been watching my chance. - </p> - <p> - We sat looking out between the time-worn columns at Ætna and the sea. - </p> - <p> - “I'm tired of ancient history!” said she, closing her guide-book. - </p> - <p> - “Let's try modern history,” I suggested. “If you will let me be your - Baedeker for a minute I should like to point out to you a noble structure - in America which is 'clothed in majestic simplicity.'” - </p> - <p> - “What is it?” she asked, eagerly. - </p> - <p> - “The character of Richard Forbes,” I answered. “There's one fact in his - history of supreme importance to you and me.” - </p> - <p> - “Only one!” she exclaimed. - </p> - <p> - “At least one,” I answered. “It is this: for years he has known every - unpleasant fact in the story of your father's life.” - </p> - <p> - “Uncle Soc,” she interrupted, with a look of joy in her face, “is it—is - it really true, or are you just saying it to please me?” - </p> - <p> - “It's really true,” I said. “When I can't help it I tell the truth. I'm - never reckless or immoderate in the use of it, for there's no sense in - giving it out in chunks so big that they excite suspicion. I'm kind o' - careful with the truth when I tell ye that Richard Forbes is better than - all the statues and paintings and domes and golden ceilings in Italy.” - </p> - <p> - “Uncle Soc, do you think that you could get rooms for us on the next - steamer,” she asked. - </p> - <p> - “Oh, what's your hurry?” I demanded. - </p> - <p> - She rose and said, with a proud, imperious gesture: - </p> - <p> - “Me for the United States!” - </p> - <p> - “I've already engaged the rooms, for I knew what would happen after we had - had our talk,” I said. - </p> - <p> - We were waiting to take our steamer in Naples. The day after we reached - there Mrs. Fraley called to see us. She had read in a Roman newspaper that - we were at Bertolini's, and she had come over to talk with me “about a - dreadful occurrence.” She had raised the spondoolix, and Miss Muriel had - achieved the count. They had lived in paradise for three weeks and four - days when the count got mad at Muriel and actually beat her over the - shoulders with his riding-whip. It was all because the dear child had - turkey-trotted with a young Englishman at a ball. She had meant no harm—poor - thing!—all the girls were learning these new-fangled dances. Mrs. - Fraley had naturally objected to the count's use of the whip, whereupon he - had shown her the door and bade her leave his apartments. So she with the - beautiful feet had been compelled to walk out of the place which her - bounty had provided and go back to the dear old boarding-house. Muriel had - followed her. They knew not what to do. Would I please advise her? - </p> - <p> - “You've done the right thing,” I said. “Keep away from him. He'll be using - his cane next. The whip is a good thing, but not if it comes too late in - life.” - </p> - <p> - “But how about my money?” she asked. “I can't afford to lose that.” - </p> - <p> - “My dear madame, you have already lost it. You may as well charge that to - the educational fund. To some people knowledge comes high. I had a good - reason for advising you against this marriage. In our land every home is a - little republic that plays its part in the larger republics of the town - and the county, and the affairs of each home and the welfare of its - inhabitants are the concern of all. Here every home is a little - independent kingdom. Its master is its king. His will is mostly its law. - When he gets mad his whip or his cane may fall upon the transgressor. It's - the old feudal spirit—the ancient habit of thought and hand. Of - course in most countries wife-beating is forbidden, but generally the - woman knows better than to complain, for she finds that it doesn't pay. So - she cringes and obeys and holds her tongue. In America that sort of thing - doesn't go. If a man tries it, the republic of the town gets hold of him - right away. Really, I'd about as soon have the rights of a goat as the - rights of a woman in Europe. In spite of that she's often well treated.” - </p> - <p> - I was interrupted by the porter's clerk, who came with a telegram. It was - from Muriel, and it said: - </p> - <p> - <i>Please tell my aunt to return immediately.</i> - </p> - <p> - <i>We have made up, and are very, very happy, and we shall both be - delighted to see her.</i> - </p> - <p> - I read it aloud, and she rose and said: - </p> - <p> - “I'm so glad. Please pardon me for troubling you again.” - </p> - <p> - I pardoned her, and she went away, and so another American girl had begun - to toughen her skin and adjust her spirit to the feudal plan. - </p> - <p> - The day we sailed a curious thing came to pass in a letter to Norris from - Muggs in the handwriting of Mrs. Mullet. It said: - </p> - <p> - <i>I hope you will be glad to learn that good luck has come to me. I thank - God that I am able to return the last sum of money you gave me, with - interest to date. My check for it is inclosed herewith. An old investment - of mine, long supposed to be worthless, has turned out well. I have sold a - part of my stock in it, and with the rest I hope to square accounts with - you before long. My health is better, and within a week or so I expect to - be married to the noblest woman in the world.</i> - </p> - <p> - The man's dream had come to pass. His check was in the letter, and there - was good money behind it. - </p> - <p> - “I congratulate you,” I said to Norris when he showed me the letter. - “You've really found an honest man inside a thief.” - </p> - <p> - “Without your help it would have been impossible,” said he. “It's worth - ten years of any man's life to have done it. I suppose there's an honest - man inside every thief if we could only get at him.” - </p> - <p> - “And no man is as bad as he seems, and, therefore, if you ever feel like - shooting me—don't,” was my answer. - </p> - <p> - “What luck that she didn't get hold of a count!” Betsey exclaimed. “She - was one of the most willing marryers that ever crossed the sea.” - </p> - <p> - “But she didn't know how to advertise,” I said. “Nobody knew that she had - money. One personal in the London <i>Mail</i> or the Paris <i>Herald</i> - would have crowded the Excelsior Hotel with impoverished noblemen.” - </p> - <p> - “And yet I would have supposed that the worst of them would have been - better than Muggs.” - </p> - <p> - “Not I,” was my answer. “Both Muggs and the counts have been mere - adventurers—trying to get something for nothing. Muggs knew that he - was doing wrong. His offense was so bad that he couldn't doubt its - badness. But the consciences of the counts never get any exercise. They - don't know that idleness is a crime, that a bought husband is baser than a - poodle-dog. They are absolutely convinced of their own respectability. For - that reason the average thief has a far better chance of being faced - about.” - </p> - <p> - We sailed. Mrs. Sampf, with a chestful of knockers, and the lumber king, - with his bust and portrait, were among our shipmates. The latter had had a - stroke of hard luck. Two gamblers at his hotel had won his confidence and - taken a hank of his fleece at bridge whist. He had made up his mind that - American playmates were more to his liking, that Grant was greater than - Alexander, and that universal peace was a dream. This he confided to me - one evening as we were lying off Gibraltar in the glare of the - searchlights. - </p> - <p> - Brooms of light were sweeping the waters for fear some sneaking nation - would steal in upon them like a thief in the night. - </p> - <p> - “These Europeans know better than to trust one another,” said I. “Billions - for ships an' forts an' armies, an' every dollar of it testifies to the - fact that not one of these powers can trust another. 'Yes, you're a good - talker,' they seem to say, 'but I know you of old. I'll eat with ye, and - drink with ye, and buy with ye, and sell with ye, but dinged if I'll trust - ye!”' - </p> - <p> - “They're a lot of scamps over here,” was the conclusion of Mr. Pike. - </p> - <p> - “And especially unreliable in bridge whist,” I said. - </p> - <p> - “But I've made money on the trip,” said the lumber king. “I bought some - shares in a copper-mine for fifteen thousand dollars, and they're worth at - least ten times that. I happened to know the mine, and he needed the - money.” - </p> - <p> - “If I were you I'd have the details of that transaction engraved on my - bust and set it up in my bedroom,” I said, with a laugh. - </p> - <p> - “Why so?” - </p> - <p> - “It would give you a chance to get acquainted with yourself.” - </p> - <p> - “Oh, I was honest with him!” said he. “I told him I'd give him thirty days - to redeem the stock.” - </p> - <p> - “Was it Wilton?” - </p> - <p> - “Yes. Do you know him?” - </p> - <p> - “I know him, and if the stock is as good as you say it will be redeemed.” - </p> - <p> - And it was, and I began to understand why Pike had been hand in glove with - Wilton. He had been trying to get hold of his property. - </p> - <p> - We wept for joy at the sight of our native land—who doesn't?—and - Norris, who looked as strong as ever, said that he longed to get back to - his task. - </p> - <p> - Richard met us at the dock, and the young people fell into each other's - arms. - </p> - <div class="fig" style="width:50%"> - <img src="images/0006.jpg" alt="0006" width="100%" /><br /> - </div> - <h5> - <a href="images/0006.jpg"><img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a> - </h5> - <p> - “Gwendolyn!” Mrs. Norris exclaimed. “Look here,” said I. “This pair of - marryers is not to be interfered with any more.” Muggs and his new wife - sailed on the <i>Titanic</i>, and he met his death on the stricken ship - like a gentleman; but the bride was saved, and came to see us in Pointview - and told us the story of that night. - </p> - <p> - The ship was a part of the machinery of the great thought trust, which has - the world in its grip. The power behind her engines was thinking in terms - of dollars and cents—to be gained through the advertisement of a - swift voyage—and down she went in a thousand fathoms of icy water. - </p> - <p> - I said to Norris when we were speaking of this tragedy as we sat by his - fireside: - </p> - <p> - “The greatest of all commandments is this: 'Thou shalt have no other Gods - before me.'” - </p> - <p> - “Neither money nor titles, nor pride nor fear, nor power, nor church nor - state,” he added. - </p> - <p> - “Amen!” was my answer. - </p> - <p> - Then there fell a long silence, and well down in the depths of it is the - end of my story. - </p> - <h3> - THE END - </h3> - <div style="height: 6em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Marryers, by Irving Bacheller - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MARRYERS *** - -***** This file should be named 50088-h.htm or 50088-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/0/0/8/50088/ - -Produced by David Widger from page images generously -provided by the Internet Archive - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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- <head>
- <title>
- The Marryers, by Irving Bacheller
- </title>
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- <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve">
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-
-The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Marryers, by Irving Bacheller
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most
-other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of
-the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
-www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have
-to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook.
-
-
-
-Title: The Marryers
- A History Gathered from a Brief of The Honorable Socrates Potter
-
-Author: Irving Bacheller
-
-Release Date: September 30, 2015 [EBook #50088]
-Last Updated: March 12, 2018
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: UTF-8
-
-*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MARRYERS ***
-
-
-
-
-Produced by David Widger from page images generously
-provided by the Internet Archive
-
-
-
-
-
-
-</pre>
-
- <div style="height: 8em;">
- <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
- </div>
- <div class="fig" style="width:50%">
- <img src="images/0001.jpg" alt="0001" width="100%" /><br />
- </div>
- <h5>
- <a href="images/0001.jpg"><img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a>
- </h5>
- <h1>
- THE MARRYERS
- </h1>
- <h3>
- A History Gathered from a Brief of The Honorable Socrates Potter
- </h3>
- <h2>
- By Irving Bacheller
- </h2>
- <h3>
- Illustrated
- </h3>
- <h4>
- Harper and Brothers Publishers New York and London
- </h4>
- <h5>
- MCMXIV
- </h5>
- <div class="fig" style="width:50%">
- <img src="images/0006.jpg" alt="0006" width="100%" /><br />
- </div>
- <h5>
- <a href="images/0006.jpg"><img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a>
- </h5>
- <div class="fig" style="width:50%">
- <img src="images/0007.jpg" alt="0001" width="100%" /><br />
- </div>
- <h5>
- <a href="images/0007.jpg"><img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a>
- </h5>
- <h3>
- OFFICE OF SOCRATES POTTER
- </h3>
- <p>
- Pointview, Conn.
- </p>
- <p>
- To the Honorable Judges of Decency and Good Behavior the World Over:
- </p>
- <p>
- My friend, the novelist, has prevailed upon me to write this brief in
- behalf of my country and against certain feudal tendencies therein. I have
- tried to tell the truth, but with that moderation which becomes a lawyer
- of my age 'and experience. It is bad manners to give a guest more wine
- than he can carry or more truth than he can believe. In these pages there
- is enough wine, I hope, for the necessary illusion, and enough truth, I
- know, for the satisfaction of my conscience. I hasten, to add that there
- is not enough of wine or truth to stagger those who are not accustomed to
- the use of-either. I warned the novelist that nothing could be more
- unfortunate for me than that I should betray a talent for fiction. He
- assures me that my reputation is not in danger.
- </p>
- <p>
- <br /><br />
- </p>
- <hr />
- <p>
- <br /><br />
- </p>
- <p>
- <b>CONTENTS</b>
- </p>
- <p class="toc">
- <a href="#link2H_4_0001"><b>THE MARRYERS</b> </a>
- <br />
- </p>
- <p class="toc">
- <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> I.—IN WHICH MR. POTTER PRESENTS THE
- SINGULAR DILEMMA OF WHITFIELD NORRIS, MULTIMILLIONAIRE </a>
- </p>
- <p class="toc">
- <a href="#link2H_4_0003"> II.—MY INTERVIEW WITH THE PIRATE </a>
- </p>
- <p class="toc">
- <a href="#link2H_4_0004"> III.—IN WHICH A MAN IS SEEN HOLDING DOWN
- THE BUSHEL THAT HIDES HIS LIGHT </a>
- </p>
- <p class="toc">
- <a href="#link2H_4_0005"> IV.—A RATHER SWIFT ADVENTURE WITH THE
- PIRATE </a>
- </p>
- <p class="toc">
- <a href="#link2H_4_0006"> V.—IN WHICH WE HAVE AN AMUSING VOYAGE </a>
- </p>
- <p class="toc">
- <a href="#link2H_4_0007"> VI.—WE ARRIVE IN THE LAND OF LOVE AND SONG
- </a>
- </p>
- <p class="toc">
- <a href="#link2H_4_0008"> VII.—IN WHICH I TEACH THE DIFFICULT ART OF
- BEING AN AMERICAN IN ITALY </a>
- </p>
- <p class="toc">
- <a href="#link2H_4_0009"> VIII.—I AGREE TO FIGHT A DUEL AND NAME A
- WEAPON WITH WHICH EUROPEAN GENTLEMEN ARE UNFAMILIAR </a>
- </p>
- <p class="toc">
- <a href="#link2H_4_0010"> IX.—A MODERN AMERICAN MARRYER ENTERS THE
- SCENE </a>
- </p>
- <p class="toc">
- <a href="#link2H_4_0011"> X.—A DAY OF ADVENTURES WITH TUSCAN ARTISTS
- AND OTHERS </a>
- </p>
- <p class="toc">
- <a href="#link2H_4_0012"> XI.—IN WHICH WE GET INTO THE FLASH AND
- GLITTER OF HIGH LIFE </a>
- </p>
- <p class="toc">
- <a href="#link2H_4_0013"> XII.—IN WHICH NORRIS TAKES HIS LIGHT FROM
- UNDER THE BUSHEL </a>
- </p>
- <p class="toc">
- <a href="#link2H_4_0014"> XIII.—IN WHICH I FIGHT A DUEL WITH ONE OF
- THE OLDEST WEAPONS IN THE WORLD </a>
- </p>
- <p class="toc">
- <a href="#link2H_4_0015"> XIV.—MISS GWENDOLYN DEFINES HER POSITION
- </a>
- </p>
- <p class="toc">
- <a href="#link2H_4_0016"> XV.—SOMETHING HAPPENS TO THE MAN MUGGS
- </a>
- </p>
- <p>
- <br /><br />
- </p>
- <hr />
- <p>
- <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001"> </a>
- </p>
- <div style="height: 4em;">
- <br /><br /><br /><br />
- </div>
- <h1>
- THE MARRYERS
- </h1>
- <p>
- <br /><br />
- </p>
- <hr />
- <p>
- <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> </a>
- </p>
- <div style="height: 4em;">
- <br /><br /><br /><br />
- </div>
- <h2>
- I.—IN WHICH MR. POTTER PRESENTS THE SINGULAR DILEMMA OF WHITFIELD
- NORRIS, MULTIMILLIONAIRE
- </h2>
- <p class="pfirst">
- <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span> HAVE just
- returned from Italy—the land of love and song. To any who may be
- looking forward to a career in love or song I recommend Italy. Its art,
- scenery, and wine have been a great help to the song business, while its
- pictures, statues, and soft air are well calculated to keep the sexes from
- drifting apart and becoming hopelessly estranged. The sexes will have
- their differences, of course, as they are having them in England. I
- sometimes fear that they may decide to have nothing more to do with each
- other, in which case Italy, with its alert and well-trained corps of
- love-makers, might save the situation.
- </p>
- <p>
- Since Ovid and Horace, times have changed in the old peninsula. Love has
- ceased to be an art and has become an industry to which the male members
- of the titolati are assiduously devoted. With hereditary talent for the
- business, they have made it pay. The coy processes in the immortal tale of
- Masuccio of Salerno are no longer fashionable. The Juliets have descended
- from the balcony; the Romeos climb the trellis no more. All that machinery
- is now too antiquated and unbusinesslike. The Juliets are mostly English
- and American girls who have come down the line from Saint Moritz. The
- Romeos are still Italians, but the bobsled, the toboggan, and the tango
- dance have supplanted the balcony and the trellis as being swifter, less
- wordy, and more direct.
- </p>
- <p>
- There are other forms of love which thrive in Italy—the noblest
- which the human breast may know—the love of art, for instance, and
- the love of America. I came back with a deeper affection for Uncle Sam
- than I ever had before.
- </p>
- <p>
- But this is only the cold vestibule—the “piaz” of my story. Come in,
- dear reader. There's a cheerful blaze and a comfortable chair in the
- chimney-corner. Make yourself at home, and now my story's begun exactly
- where I began to live in it—inside the big country house of a client
- of mine, an hour's ride from New York. His name wasn't Whitfield Norris,
- and so we will call him that. His age was about fifty-five, his name well
- known. If ever a man was born for friendship he was the man—a kindly
- but strong face, genial blue eyes, and the love of good fellowship. But he
- had few friends and no intimates beyond his family circle. True, he had a
- gruff voice and a broken nose, and was not much of a talker. Of Norris,
- the financier, many knew more or less; of Norris, the man, he and his
- family seemed to enjoy a monopoly of information. It was not quite a
- monopoly, however, as I discovered when I began to observe the deep
- undercurrents of his life. Right away he asked me to look at them.
- </p>
- <p>
- Norris had written that he wished to consult me, and was forbidden by his
- doctor to go far from his country house, where he was trying to rest.
- Years before he had put a detail of business in my hands, and I had had
- some luck with it.
- </p>
- <p>
- His glowing wife and daughter met me at the railroad-station with a
- glowing footman and a great, glowing limousine. The wife was a restored
- masterpiece of the time of Andrew Johnson—by which I mean that she
- was a very handsome woman, whose age varied from thirty to fifty-five,
- according to the day and the condition of your eyesight. She trained more
- or less in fashionable society, and even coughed with an English accent.
- The daughter was a lovely blonde, blue-eyed girl of twenty. She was tall
- and substantial—built for all weather and especially well-roofed—a
- real human being, with sense enough to laugh at my jokes and other serious
- details in her environment.
- </p>
- <p>
- We arrived at the big, plain, comfortable house just in time for luncheon.
- Norris met me at the door. He looked pale and careworn, but greeted me
- playfully, and I remarked that he seemed to be feeling his oats.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Feeling my oats! Well, I should say so,” he answered. “No man's oats ever
- filled him with deeper feeling.”
- </p>
- <p>
- Like so many American business men, his brain had all feet in the trough,
- so to speak, and was getting more than its share of blood, while the other
- vital organs in his system were probably only half fed.
- </p>
- <p>
- At the table I met Richard Forbes, a handsome, husky young man who seemed
- to take a special interest in Miss Gwendolyn, the daughter. There were
- also the aged mother of Norris, two maiden cousins of his—jolly
- women between forty-five and fifty years of age—a college president,
- and Mrs. Mushtop, a proud and talkative lady who explained to me that she
- was one of the Mushtops of Maryland. Of course you have met those
- interesting people. Ever since 1627 the Mushtops have been coming over
- from England with the first Lord Baltimore, and now they are quite
- numerous. While we ate, Norris said little, but seemed to enjoy the jests
- and stories better than the food.
- </p>
- <p>
- He had a great liking for good tobacco, and after luncheon showed me the
- room where he kept his cigars. There were thousands of them made from the
- best crops of Cuba, in sizes to suit the taste.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Here are some from the crop of '93,” he said, as he opened a box. “I have
- green cigars, if you prefer them, but I never smoke a cigar unless it
- crackles.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I took a crackler, and with its delicious aroma under my nose we went for
- a walk in the villa gardens. Some one had released a dozen Airedales, of
- whom my host was extremely fond, and they followed at his heels. I walked
- with the maiden cousins, one of whom said of Norris: “We're very fond of
- him. Often we sing, 'What a friend we have in Whitfield!' and it amuses
- him very much.”
- </p>
- <p>
- And it suggested to me that they had good reason to sing it.
- </p>
- <p>
- Norris was extremely fond of beautiful things, and his knowledge of both
- art and flowers was unusual. He showed us the conservatories and his
- art-gallery filled with masterpieces, but very calmly and with no
- flourish.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I've only a few landscapes here,” he said, “things that do not seem to
- quarrel with the hills and valleys.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Or the hay and whiskers and the restful spirit beneath them,” I
- suggested.
- </p>
- <p>
- I knew that he had bought in every market of the world, and had given some
- of his best treasures to sundry museums of art in America, but they were
- always credited to “a friend,” and never to Whitfield Norris.
- </p>
- <p>
- On our return to the house he asked me to ride with him, and we got into
- the big car and went out for a leisurely trip on the country roads. The
- farmer-folk in field and dooryard waved their hands and stirred their
- whiskers as we passed.
- </p>
- <p>
- “They're all my friends,” he said.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Tenants and vassals!” I remarked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “You see, I've helped some of them in a small way, but always
- impersonally,” he answered, as if he had not heard me. “I have sought to
- avoid drawing their attention to me in any way whatever.”
- </p>
- <p>
- We drew up at a little house on a lonely road to ask our way. An Irish
- woman came to the car door as we stopped, and said:
- </p>
- <p>
- “God bless ye, sor! It does me eyes good to look an' see ye better—thanks
- to the good God! I haven't forgot yer kindness.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “But I have,” said Norris.
- </p>
- <p>
- The woman was on her mental knees before him as she stood looking into his
- face.
- </p>
- <p>
- No doubt he had lifted her mortgage or favored her in some like manner.
- Her greeting seemed to please him, and he gave her a kindly word, and told
- his driver to go on.
- </p>
- <p>
- We passed the Mary Perkins's school and the Mary Perkins's hospital, both
- named for his wife. I had heard much of these model charities, but not
- from him. So many rich men talk of their good deeds, like the lecturer in
- a side-show, but he held his peace. Everywhere I could not help seeing
- that he was regarded as a kind of savior, and he seemed to regret it. Was
- he a great actor or—?
- </p>
- <p>
- “It's a pity that I cannot enjoy my life like other men,” he interrupted,
- as this thought came to me. “None of my neighbors are quite themselves
- when they talk to me; they think I must be praised and flattered. They
- don't talk to me in a reliable fashion, as you do. You have noticed that
- even my own family is given to songs of praise in my presence.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Norris, I'm sorry for you,” I said. “They say that you inherited a fair
- amount of poverty—honest, hard-earned poverty. Why didn't you take
- care of it? Why did you get reckless and squander it in commercial
- dissipation? You should have kept enough to give your daughter a proper
- start in life. I have taken care of mine.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “It began in the thoughtless imprudence of youth,” he went on, playfully.
- “I used to think that money was an asset.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “And you have discovered that money is only a jackasset.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “That it is, in fact, a liability, and that every man you meet is dunning
- you for a part of it.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Including the lawyers you meet,” I said. “Oh, they're the worst of all!”
- he laughed. “As distributors of the world's poverty they are unrivaled.”
- </p>
- <p>
- He smiled and shook his head with a look of amusement and injury as he
- went on.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Almost every one who comes near me has a hatchet if not an ax to grind. I
- am sick of being a little tin god. I seem to be standing in a high place
- where I can see all the selfishness of the world about me. No, it hasn't
- made me a cynic. I have some sympathy for the most transparent of them;
- but generally I am rather gruff and ill-natured; often I lose my temper. I
- have had enough of praise and flattery to understand how weary of it the
- Almighty must be. He must see how cheap it is, and if He has humor, as of
- course He has, having given so much of it to His children, how He must
- laugh at some of the gross adulation that is offered Him! But let us get
- to business.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I invited you here to engage your services in a most important matter;
- it's so important that for many years I have given it my own attention.
- But my health is failing, and I must get rid of this problem, which is, in
- a way, like the riddle of the Sphinx. Some other fellow must tackle it,
- and I've chosen you for the job. Mr. Potter, you are to be, if you will,
- my trustiest friend as well as my attorney. For many years I have been the
- victim of blackmailers, and have paid them a lot of money.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Poverty is a good thing, but not if it's achieved through the aid of a
- blackmailer,” I remarked. “Try some other scheme.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “But you must know the facts,” he went on. “At twenty-one I went into
- business with my father out in Illinois. He got into financial
- difficulties and committed a crime—forged a man's name to a note,
- intending to pay it when it came due. Suddenly, in a panic, he went on the
- rocks, and all his plans failed. He was up against it, as we say. There
- were many extenuating circumstances—a generous man, an extravagant
- family, of which I had been the most extravagant member; a mind that lost
- its balance under a great strain. He had risked all on a throw of the dice
- and lost. I'll never forget the hour in which he confessed the truth to
- me. It's hard for a father to put on the crown of shame in the presence of
- a child who honors him. There's no pang in this world like that. He had
- braced himself for the trial, and what a trial it must have been! I have
- suffered some since that day; but all of it put together is nothing
- compared to that hour of his. In ten minutes I saw him wither into old age
- as he burned in the fire of his own hell. When he was done with his story
- I saw that he was virtually dead, although he could still breathe and see
- and speak and walk. As I listened a sense of personal responsibility and
- of great calmness and strength came on me.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I took my father's arm and went home with him and begged him not to
- worry. Then forthwith I went to police headquarters and took the crime on
- myself. My father went to paradise the next day, and I to prison. I was
- young and could stand it. They gave me a light sentence, on account of my
- age—only two years, reduced to a year and a half for good behavior.
- My Lord! It has been hard to tell you this. I've never told any one but
- you; not even my own mother knows the truth, and I wouldn't have her know
- it for all the world. I cleared out and went to work in California, in the
- mines. Suffered poverty and hardship; won success by and by; prospered,
- and slowly my little hell cooled down. But no man can escape from his
- past. By and by it overtakes him, and in time it caught me. A record is a
- record, and you can't wipe it out even with righteous living. It may be
- forgiven—yes, but there it is and there it will remain.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I didn't marry, as you may know, until I was thirty-four. My wife was the
- daughter of a small merchant in an Oregon village. I had been married
- about a year when the first pirate fired across my bows—a man who
- had worked beside me at Joliet. I found him in my office one morning. He
- didn't know how much money I had, and struck me gently, softly, for a
- thousand dollars. It was to be a loan. I gave him the money; I had to.
- Why? Well, you see, my wife didn't know that I was an ex-convict, and I
- couldn't bear to have her know of it. I did not fear her so much as her
- friends, some of whom were jealous of our success. Why hadn't I told her
- before my marriage? you are thinking. Well, partly because I honored my
- father and my mother, and partly because I had no sense of guilt in me.
- Secretly I was rather proud of the thing I had done. If I had been really
- guilty of a crime I should have had to tell her; but, you see, my heart
- was clean—just as clean as she thought it. I hadn't fooled her about
- that. There had been nothing coming to me. Oh yes, I know that I ought to
- have told her. I'm only giving you the arguments with which I convinced
- myself—with which even now I try to convince myself—that it
- wasn't necessary. Anyhow, when I married it never entered my head that
- there could be a human being so low that he would try to fan back to life
- the dying embers of my trouble and use it for a source of profit. It never
- occurred to me that any man would come along and say: 'Here, give me money
- or I'll make it burn ye.'
- </p>
- <p>
- “I foolishly thought that my sacrifice was my own property, and was
- beginning to forget it. Well, first to last, this man got forty thousand
- dollars out of me. He was dying of consumption when he made his last call,
- having spent the money in fast living. He wanted five thousand dollars,
- and promised never to ask me for another cent. He kept his word, and died
- within three months, but not until he had sold his pull to another
- scoundrel. The new pirate was an advertising agent of the Far West. He
- came to me with the whole story in manuscript, ready to print. He said
- that he had bought it from two men who had brought the manuscript to his
- office, and had paid five thousand dollars for it. He was such a nice man!—willing
- to sell at cost and a small allowance for time expended. I gave him all he
- asked, and since then I have been buying that story every six months or
- so. When anything happens, like the coming out of my daughter, this
- sleek-looking, plausible pirate shows up again, and, you see, I can't kick
- him out of my presence, as I should like to do. He always tells me that
- the mysterious two are demanding more money, so, like a bull with a ring
- in his nose, I have been pulled about for years by this little knave of a
- man. I couldn't help it. Now my nerves cannot endure any more of this kind
- of thing. My doctor tells me that I must be free from all worry; I propose
- to turn it over to you.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Then I shall wipe him off the slate,” I said. “They'll publish the
- facts.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Poor man!” I exclaimed. “You've got one big asset, and you're afraid to
- claim it. Nothing that you have ever done compares with that term in
- prison. Your charities have been large, but, after all, their value is
- doubtful except to you. The old law of evolution isn't greatly in need of
- your money. But when you went to prison you really did something, old man.
- The light of a deed like that shines around the world. Let it shine—if
- it must. Don't hide it under a bushel.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “But not for all I am worth would I have my father's name dishonored, with
- my mother still alive,” he declared. “Now, as to myself, I am not so much
- worried. I could bear some disgrace, for it wouldn't alter the facts. I
- should keep my self-respect, anyhow. But when I think of my wife and
- children I admit that I am a coward. They're pretty proud, as you know,
- and the worst of it is they are proud of me. Their pride is my best asset.
- I couldn't bear to see it broken down. No, what I want is to have you
- manage this blackmail fund and keep all comers contented. What money you
- need for that purpose will be supplied to you.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “In my opinion you're unjust to the ladies of your home,” I remarked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “How?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “You should treat them like human beings and not like angels,” I said.
- “It's their right to share your troubles. They'd be all the better for
- it.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Please do as I say,” he answered. “You must remember that they're all
- I've got.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Cheer up! I 'll do my best,” was my assurance. “But I shall ask you to
- let me manage the matter in my own way and with no interference.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I commit my happiness to your keeping,” he answered.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I wonder that you have got off so cheaply,” I said. “I should think there
- might have been a dozen pirates in the chase instead of two.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Circumstances have favored me,” he explained. “I spent my youth in
- Germany, where I was educated. I had been in America only six months when
- my father failed. In those days I was known as Jackson W. Norris. In
- California I got into a row and had my nose broken. I was a good-looking
- man before that. Then, you see, it has been a rule of my life to keep my
- face from being photographed. Of course, the papers have had snap-shots of
- me; but no one who knew me as a boy would recognize this bent nose and
- wrinkled face of mine. I have discouraged all manner of publicity relating
- to me and kept my history under cover as a thing that concerned no one but
- myself.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I had requested that our ride should end at the railroad-station, and we
- arrived there in good time for my train.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I will ask Wilton, my pirate friend, to call on you,” he said.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Let him call Friday at twelve with a note from you,” I requested.
- </p>
- <p>
- Gwendolyn Norris and Richard Forbes were waiting at the station, the
- latter being on his way to town.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Going back? You ought to know better,” I said.
- </p>
- <p>
- “So I do, but business is business,” he answered.
- </p>
- <p>
- “And there's no better business for any one than playing with a fair
- maid.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “He knows that there's a tennis match this afternoon and a dance this
- evening, and he leaves me,” the girl complained.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I shall have to take a week off and come up here and convince you that no
- man is fonder of fun and a fair maid,” said Forbes.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I could do it in ten minutes,” I declared.
- </p>
- <p>
- “But you have had practice and experience,” said Forbes.
- </p>
- <p>
- “And you are more supple,” was my answer.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I should hope so,” the girl laughed. “If all men were like Mr. Potter the
- world would be full of old maids. It took him thirty years to make up his
- mind to get married.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “No, it took <i>her</i> that long—not me,” I answered, and the
- arrival of the train saved me from further humiliation.
- </p>
- <p>
- On the way to town I got acquainted with young Forbes, and liked him. He
- was a big, broad-shouldered athlete, two years out of college. The glow of
- health and good nature was in his face. His blue eyes twinkled merrily as
- we sparred for points. He had a full line of convictions, but he didn't
- pretend to have gathered all the fruit on the tree of knowledge. He was
- the typical best product of the modern wholesale man factory—strong,
- modest, self-restrained, well educated, and thinking largely in terms of
- profit and loss. That is to say, he was sawed and planed and matched and
- seasoned like ten thousand other young men of his age. His great need had
- been poverty and struggle and individual experience. If he had had to
- climb and reach and fall and get up and climb again to secure the
- persimmon which was now in his hands, he would have had the persimmon and
- a very rare thing besides, and it's the rare thing that counts. But here I
- am finding fault with a thoroughly good fellow. It's only to clear his
- background for the reader, to whose good graces I heartily recommend the
- young man. His father had left him well off, but he had gone to work on a
- great business plan, and with rare talent for his task, as it seemed to
- me.
- </p>
- <p>
- <br /><br />
- </p>
- <hr />
- <p>
- <a name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003"> </a>
- </p>
- <div style="height: 4em;">
- <br /><br /><br /><br />
- </div>
- <h2>
- II.—MY INTERVIEW WITH THE PIRATE
- </h2>
- <p class="pfirst">
- <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span>T had been a misty
- morning, with slush in the streets. For hours the great fog-siren had been
- bellowing to the ships on the sound and breaking into every conversation.
- “Go slow and keep away!” it screeched, in a kind of mechanical hysterics.
- </p>
- <p>
- I was sitting at my desk when Norris's pirate came in. I didn't like the
- look of him, for I saw at once that he was hard wood, and that he wouldn't
- whittle. He was a sleek, handsome, well-dressed man of middle age, with
- gray eyes, iron-gray hair and mustache, the latter close-cropped. Here,
- then, was Wilton—a man of catlike neatness from top to toe. He
- stepped softly like a cat. Then he began smoothing his fur—neatly
- folded his coat and carefully laid it over the back of a chair; blew a
- speck of dust from his hat, and tenderly flicked its brim with his
- handkerchief and placed it with gentle precision on the top of the coat.
- It's curious how the habit of taking care gets into the character of a
- gentleman thief. He almost purred when he said “Good morning.” Then he
- seemed to smell the dog, and stopped and took in his surroundings. His
- hands were small and bony; he felt his necktie, adjusted his cuffs with an
- outward thrust of both arms, and sat down. Without a word more he handed
- me the note from Norris, and I read it.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Yes,” I said; “Mr. Norris has given me a brief history of your
- affectionate regard for him.”
- </p>
- <p>
- He tried to take my measure with a keen glance. I looked serious, and he
- took me seriously.
- </p>
- <p>
- “You see,” he began, in a low voice, “for years I have been trying to
- protect him from unscrupulous men.”
- </p>
- <p>
- He gently touched the end of one forefinger with the point of the other as
- he spoke. His words were neatly said, and were like his clothing, neatly
- pressed and dusted, and calculated to present a respectable appearance.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Tell me all about it,” I said. “Norris didn't go into details.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Understand,” he went on, gently moving his head as if to shake it down in
- his linen a little more comfortably, “I have never made a cent out of
- this. I have only kept enough to cover my expenses.”
- </p>
- <p>
- It was the old story long familiar to me. The gentleman knave generally
- operates on a high moral plane. Sometimes he can even fool himself about
- it. He had climbed on a saint's pedestal and was looking down on me. It
- shows the respect they all have for honor.
- </p>
- <p>
- “There are two men besides myself who know the facts, and I have succeeded
- so far in keeping them quiet,” he added.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I don't know you, but you won't be offended if I assume that you're a man
- of honor,” I said.
- </p>
- <p>
- In the half-moment of silence that followed the old fog-siren screeched a
- warning.
- </p>
- <p>
- There was a quick, nervous movement of the visitor's body that brought his
- head a little nearer to me. The fur had begun to rise on the cat's back.
- </p>
- <p>
- “There's nothing to prevent it,” said he, with a look of surprise.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Save a possible element of professional pride,” was my answer.
- </p>
- <p>
- “That vanishes in the presence of a lawyer,” said he.
- </p>
- <p>
- It was a kind of swift and surprising cuff with the paw, after which I
- knew him better.
- </p>
- <p>
- “But we're licensed, you know, and now, your reputation being established,
- I suggest that you are in honor bound to let us know the names of those
- men.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Excuse me! I'm above that kind of thing—way above it,” said he,
- with a smile of regret for my ignorance.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Perhaps you wouldn't be above explaining.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Not at all. If I told you that, I would be as bad as they are. Why, sir,
- I would be the yellowest yellow dog in the country.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Frankness is not apt to have an effect so serious,” I said.
- </p>
- <p>
- Again the points of his forefingers came together as he gently answered:
- </p>
- <p>
- “You see, the first demand they made of me, after putting the story in my
- hands, was that I should never give out their names. I had to promise
- that.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Oh, I see. They've elected you to the office of Guardian Angel and
- Secretary of the Treasury. How did it happen?”
- </p>
- <p>
- The query didn't annoy him. He was getting used to my sallies, and went
- on:
- </p>
- <p>
- “It was easy and natural as drawing your breath. Those men knew that I had
- met Mr. Norris—that I was a man of his class, and could talk to him
- on even terms. They had got the story from a man now dead—paid him
- five hundred dollars for it. They wanted my help to make a profit, see? I
- had met Mr. Norris and liked him. He is one of Nature's noblemen. So I
- played a friendly part in the matter, and bought the story and turned it
- over to Mr. Norris for what it cost me, and he gave me two hundred dollars
- for my time. Unfortunately, they have turned out to be rascals, and we
- have had to keep them in spending money, and prosperity has made them
- extravagant. The whole thing has become a nuisance to me, and I wish I was
- out of it.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “What do they want now?” I asked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Ten thousand dollars.”
- </p>
- <p>
- That was all he said—just those three well-filled words—with a
- sad but firm look in his face and a neat little gesture of both hands.
- “When do they want it?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “To-day; they're getting impatient.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Suppose you tell them that they'll have to practise economy for a week or
- so at least. I don't know but we shall decide to let them go ahead and do
- their worst. It isn't going to hurt Norris. He's been foolish about it;
- I'm trying to stiffen his backbone.” Wilton rose with a look of impatience
- in his face that betrayed him.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Very well; but <i>I</i> shall not be responsible for the consequences.”
- </p>
- <p>
- The cat had hissed for the first time, but he quickly recovered himself;
- the tender look returned to his eyes.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I think you're foolish,” he began again, while his right forefinger
- caressed the point of his left. “These men are not going to last long. One
- of them has had delirium tremens twice, and the other is in the hospital
- with Bright's disease. They're both of them broke, and you know as well as
- I that they could get this money in an hour from some newspaper. It's
- almost dead sure that both of these men will be out of the way in a year
- or so. Norris wants to be protected, and it's up to you and me to do it.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Personally I do not see the object,” I insisted. “Protecting him from one
- assault only exposes him to another.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “You see, the daughter isn't married yet, and we'd better protect the name
- until she's out of the way, anyhow. That girl can go to Europe and take
- her pick. She's good enough for any title. But if this came out it would
- hurt her chances.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Mr. Wilton, I congratulate you,” was my remark.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I thought you would see the point,” he answered, with a smile.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I am thinking not of the point, but of your philanthropy. It is
- beautiful. Do you sleep well nights?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Very,” he answered, with a quick glance into my eyes.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I should think that the troubles of the world would keep you awake.”
- </p>
- <p>
- His face flushed a little, and then he smiled. “You lawyers have no
- suspicion of the amount of goodness there is in the world—you're
- always looking for rascals,” he said.
- </p>
- <p>
- “But we have wandered. Let us take the nearest road to Rome. You say they
- must have money to-day.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Before three o'clock.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “We'll give them ten thousand dollars—not a cent more. You must tell
- them to use it gently, for it's the last they'll get from us. To whom
- shall I draw the check?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “To me—Lysander Wilton,” he answered, with a look of relief.
- </p>
- <p>
- I gave him the check. He put on his coat and began to purr again; he was
- glad to know me, and rightly thought that he could turn some business my
- way.
- </p>
- <p>
- As he left my office I went to one of the front windows and took out my
- handkerchief. The fog-whistle blew a blast that swept sea and land with
- its echoes. In a moment I saw a certain clever, keen-eyed man who was
- studying current history under the direction of Prof. William J. Bums come
- out of a door opposite and walk at a leisurely pace down the main street
- of Pointview toward the station. He was now taking the first steps in a
- systematic effort to see what was in and behind the man Wilton.
- </p>
- <p>
- <br /><br />
- </p>
- <hr />
- <p>
- <a name="link2H_4_0004" id="link2H_4_0004"> </a>
- </p>
- <div style="height: 4em;">
- <br /><br /><br /><br />
- </div>
- <h2>
- III.—IN WHICH A MAN IS SEEN HOLDING DOWN THE BUSHEL THAT HIDES HIS
- LIGHT
- </h2>
- <p class="pfirst">
- <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>HE first thing I
- desired was the history of Wilton. He knew more about us than we knew
- about him, and that didn't seem to be fair or even necessary. In fact, I
- felt sure that his little world would yield valuable knowledge if properly
- explored. I knew that there were lions and tigers in it.
- </p>
- <p>
- I learned that Wilton had proceeded forthwith to a certain apartment house
- on the upper west side of New York, in which he remained until
- dinner-time, when he came out with a well-dressed woman and drove in a cab
- to Martin's. The two spent a careless night, which ended at four a.m. in a
- gambling-house, where Wilton had lost nine hundred dollars. Next day,
- about noon, his well-dressed woman friend came out of the house and was
- trailed to a bank, where she cashed a check for five hundred dollars. We
- learned there that this woman was an actress and that her balance was
- about eighty-five hundred dollars.
- </p>
- <p>
- Three months passed, and I got no further news of the man, save that he
- had gone to Chicago and that our trailers had gone with him.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Our Western office now has the matter in hand,” so the agency wrote me.
- “They are doing their work with extreme care. Fresh men took up the trail
- every day, until one of our ablest became a trusted confidant of Wilton.”
- </p>
- <p>
- The whole matter rested in the files of my office, and I had not thought
- of it until one day Norris sent for me and, on my arrival at his house,
- showed me a telegram. It was from the President of the United States,
- whose career he had assisted in one way and another. It offered him the
- post of Minister to a European court. The place was one of the great
- prizes.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Of course you will accept it?” I said.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I should like to,” he answered, “but isn't it curious that fame is one of
- the things which fate denies me. I wouldn't dare take it.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I understood him and said nothing.
- </p>
- <p>
- “You see, I cannot be a big man. I must keep myself as <i>little</i> as
- possible.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “The joys of littleness are very great, as the mouse remarked at the
- battle of Gettysburg; but they are not for you,” I said. “He that humbleth
- himself shall be exalted.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “He that humbleth himself shall avoid trouble—that's the way it hits
- me,” he said. “I could have been Secretary of the Treasury a few years
- back if I had dared. I must let everything alone which is likely to stir
- up my history. Suppose the President should suddenly discover that he had
- an ex-convict in his Cabinet? Do you think he could stand that, great as
- he is? He would rightly say that I had tricked and deceived and disgraced
- him. What would the newspapers say, and what would people think of me?
- Potter, I've made a study of this thing we call civilization. It's a big
- thing—I do not underestimate it—but it isn't big enough to
- forgive a man who has served his term.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Yes, I know; some of us are always looking for a thief inside the honest
- man,” was my answer. “We ought to be looking for the honest man inside the
- thief, as Chesterton puts it.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “That's a good idea!” he exclaimed. “Find me one. I'd like to use him to
- teach this world a lesson. I'd pay you a handsome salary as Diogenes. If
- you succeed once I'll astonish you with generosity.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I should like to help you to get rid of some of this money of yours,” I
- said.
- </p>
- <p>
- “You can begin this morning,” he went on. “I'm going to give you some
- notes for a new will. Suppose you sit down at the table there.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I spent the rest of that day taking notes, and was astonished at the
- amount of his property and the breadth of his spirit. He had got his start
- in the mining business, and with surprising insight had invested his
- earnings in real estate, oil-lands, railroad stocks, and steel-mills.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I have always believed in America, and America has made me rich,” he said
- to me.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Before the Spanish War and in every panic, when no man seemed to want her
- securities, I have bought them freely, and I own them today. With our
- growing trade and fruitful lands I wonder that all thinking men did not
- share my confidence. If America had gone to smash I should have gone with
- her. I shall stick to the old ship.”
- </p>
- <p>
- One paragraph of the will has begun to make history. It has appeared in
- the newspapers, but no account of my friend should omit it, and therefore
- I present its wording here:
- </p>
- <p>
- “There are many points of greatness in the Christian faith, but the
- greatest of all is charity. I conceive that the best argument for the
- heathen is that of wheat and com. I therefore direct that the sum of five
- million dollars be set aside and invested by the trustees of this will and
- that its proceeds be applied to the relief of the distressing poverty of
- unconverted peoples, wherever they may be, in the discretion of said
- trustees; and when said relief is applied it shall be done as the act of
- 'A Christian friend in America.' It is my wish that wherever practicable
- in the judgment of said trustees this relief shall be applied through the
- establishment of industries in which the needy shall be employed at fair
- wages.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I had finished my notes for the will, and my friend and I were sitting
- comfortably by the open fire, when his wife entered the room and sat down
- with us.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Have you told Mr. Potter about the bank offer?” she inquired of her
- husband.
- </p>
- <p>
- “No, my dear,” he answered.
- </p>
- <p>
- “May I tell him?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Certainly.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Mr. Potter, the presidency of a great bank has been offered to my
- husband, and I think that he ought to take it.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Oh, I have work enough here at home—all I can do,” he said.
- </p>
- <p>
- “But you will not have much to do there—only a little consulting
- once a week or so, and they say that you can talk to them here if you
- wish.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “It's too much responsibility,” he answered.
- </p>
- <p>
- “But it's so respectable,” she urged. “My heart is set on it. They tell me
- that, next to Mr. Morgan, you would be the greatest power in American
- finance. We should all be so proud of you.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I couldn't wish you to be any more proud of me,” he answered, tenderly.
- </p>
- <p>
- “But, naturally, we want you to be as great as you can, Whitfield,” she
- went on. “This would mean so much to me and to Gwendolyn.”
- </p>
- <p>
- He rose wearily, with a glance into my eyes which I perfectly understood,
- and went to his wife and kissed her and said:
- </p>
- <p>
- “My dear, I am sure that Mr. Potter will agree with me.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Unreservedly,” was my answer.
- </p>
- <p>
- I knew then that this ambitious woman was as ignorant as the cattle in
- their farmyard of the greater honors which he had declined.
- </p>
- <p>
- She rose and left the room with a look of disappointment. How far the
- urgency of his wife and other misguided friends may have gone I know not,
- but I have reason to believe that it put him to his wit's ends.
- </p>
- <p>
- I am sure that it was the most singular situation in which a lawyer was
- ever consulted. My client's high character had commanded the love and
- confidence of all who knew him well, and this love and confidence were
- pushing him into danger. His own character was the wood of the cross on
- which he was being crucified.
- </p>
- <p>
- That week I appeared for Norris in a case of some importance in New York.
- One day in court a letter was put in my hands from the editor of a great
- newspaper. It requested that I should call upon him that day or appoint an
- hour when he could see me at my hotel. I went to his office.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Is it true that Norris is to be our new minister to—?” he asked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “It is not true,” I said.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Is it true that he served a term in an Illinois prison?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Why do you ask?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “For the reason that a story to that effect is now in this office.”
- </p>
- <p>
- It was a critical moment, and I did not know how to behave myself.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I mean that a man has submitted the story—he wishes to sell it,” he
- added.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Forgive me if I speak a piece to you,” I said. “It will be short and to
- the point.”
- </p>
- <p>
- As nearly as I could remember them I repeated the noble lines of Whitman:
- </p>
- <p>
- <br />
- </p>
- <p class="indent15">
- “And still goes one, saying,
- </p>
- <p class="indent15">
- 'What will ye give me and I will deliver this man unto
- </p>
- <p class="indent30">
- you?'
- </p>
- <p class="indent15">
- And they make the covenant and pay the pieces of silver,
- </p>
- <p class="indent15">
- The old, old fee... paid for the Son of Mary.
- </p>
- <p>
- <br />
- </p>
- <p>
- “If there's any descendant of Judas Iscariot on this paper I shall see to
- it that his name and relationship are made known,” I added.
- </p>
- <p>
- “We have not bought the article, and it is not likely that we shall,” said
- he. “If you wish to answer my question I shall make no use of your words.”
- </p>
- <p>
- There are times when one has to act and act promptly on his own judgment,
- and when the fate of a friend is in the balance it is a hard thing to do.
- So I quickly chose my landing and jumped.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I have only this to say,” I answered. “Mr. Norris served a term in prison
- when he was a boy, but the facts are of such a nature that it wouldn't be
- safe for you to publish any part of them.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I saw a query in his eye as he looked at me, and I went on:
- </p>
- <p>
- “They are loaded—that's the reason—loaded to the muzzle, and
- they'd come pretty near blowing up your establishment. You know my
- reputation possibly.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Oh, very well.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Then you know that I am not in the habit of going off at half-cock. I
- tell you the facts would put you squarely on the Judas roll, and it isn't
- a popular part to play. Briefly, the facts are: Norris suffered for a
- friend, and that puts him on a plane so high that it isn't safe to touch
- him.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “On your word, Mr. Potter, I will do what I can to kill the story—now
- and hereafter,” said he. “The young man who wrote it is a decent fellow
- and will soon be in my employ. But of course Norris will decline to be put
- in high places.”
- </p>
- <p>
- Even this enlightened editor saw that a man who had suffered prison blight
- was a kind of frost-bitten plum. I left him with a feeling of
- discouragement in the world and its progress.
- </p>
- <p>
- Before a week had passed I was summoned to the home of Norris and found
- him ill in bed. He was in the midst of a nervous breakdown which had
- seemed to begin with a critical attack of indigestion. It wearied him even
- to sign and execute his will, and I saw him for only a few minutes, and
- not again for months.
- </p>
- <p>
- He improved rapidly, and one day Gwendolyn Norris called at my office.
- </p>
- <p>
- The family were sailing for Hamburg within a week to spend the rest of the
- winter at Carlsbad and Saint Moritz. She said:
- </p>
- <p>
- “Father wishes me to begin my business career, and so I've been looking
- after the details, and you must tell me if there's anything that I have
- forgotten.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I went over all the arrangements regarding cats and dogs and horses and
- tickets and hotel accommodations, and then asked, playfully:
- </p>
- <p>
- “What provision have you made for the young men you are leaving?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “There's only, one,” said she, with laughing eyes, “and he can take care
- of himself. He doesn't seem to need any of my help. But he's fine. I
- recommend him to you as a friend.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Yes, I understand. You want me to get his confidence and see that he goes
- to bed early and doesn't forget his friends.”
- </p>
- <p>
- She blushed and laughed, and added:
- </p>
- <p>
- “Or get into bad company!”
- </p>
- <p>
- “You're a regular ward politician!” I said. “Don't worry. I'll keep my eye
- on him.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “You don't even know his name,” she declared.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Don't I? The name Richard is written all over your face.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “How uncanny!” she exclaimed. “I'm going to leave you.” Then she added,
- with a playful look in her eyes, “You know it's a dangerous place for
- American girls who—who are unattached.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “We don't want to frighten him.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “It wouldn't be possible—he's awfully brave,” said she, with a merry
- laugh as she left me.
- </p>
- <p>
- That was the last I saw of them before they sailed.
- </p>
- <p>
- My friend had taken his doctor with him, and soon the latter wrote me from
- the mountain resort that Norris had improved, but that I must not appeal
- to him in any matter of business. All excitement would be bad for him, and
- if it came suddenly might lead to fatal results.
- </p>
- <p>
- <br /><br />
- </p>
- <hr />
- <p>
- <a name="link2H_4_0005" id="link2H_4_0005"> </a>
- </p>
- <div style="height: 4em;">
- <br /><br /><br /><br />
- </div>
- <h2>
- IV.—A RATHER SWIFT ADVENTURE WITH THE PIRATE
- </h2>
- <p class="pfirst">
- <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">M</span>IDWINTER had
- arrived when the checked current of our little history became active
- again. My wife had thought that our life in Pointview was a trifle
- sluggish, and we had been in town for two weeks. I had recommended the
- Waldorf-Castoria as being good for sluggish livers, but Betsey preferred
- the Manhattan. We were there when this telegram reached me from Chicago.
- </p>
- <p>
- <i>W. left for N. Y. this morning, broke. He will call on you. Important
- news by mail.</i>
- </p>
- <p>
- I expected to have some fun with him, and did.
- </p>
- <p>
- The same mail brought the “important news” and a note from Wilton, which
- said:
- </p>
- <p>
- <i>I must see you within twenty-four hours. The need is pressing. Please
- wire appointment.</i>
- </p>
- <p>
- Many salient points in the career of Wilton lay before me. It's singular
- how much it may cost to learn the history of one little man. For half the
- sum that I was to pay for Wilton's record a commonplace intellect should
- have been able to acquire every important fact in the history of the
- world. Wilton, whose real name was Muggs, was wanted in Mexico for grand
- larceny, and very grand larceny at that, for he had absconded twelve years
- before with twenty thousand dollars belonging to the business in which he
- had been engaged. They had got their clue from a letter which he had
- carelessly left in his coat-pocket when he entered a Turkish bath, but of
- that part of the matter I need say no more. It was quite likely that he
- was wanted in other places, but this was want enough for my purpose.
- </p>
- <p>
- It was Saturday, and Betsey had gone to Pointview; I was to follow her
- that evening for the week-end. No fog that day. The sun was shining in
- clear air.
- </p>
- <p>
- When Wilton came my program had been arranged. It began as soon as he
- entered my room. The cat was purring when suddenly the dog jumped at her.
- It was the dog in my voice as I said:
- </p>
- <p>
- “Good morning, you busted philanthropist! Why didn't you tell me at once
- that your name was Muggs. You might have saved me the expense of employing
- a dozen detectives to learn what you could have told me in five minutes.
- As a saint you're a failure. Why didn't you tell me that they wanted you
- down in Mexico?”
- </p>
- <p>
- The cat was gone—jumped out of the open window, perhaps. I never saw
- her again. Muggs stood unmasked before me. He was a man now. His face
- changed color. His right hand went up to his brow, and then, as if
- wondering what it was there for, began deftly smoothing his hair, while
- his lower lip came up to the tips of his cropped mustache. His eyelids
- quivered slightly. The fingers in that telltale hand began to tremble like
- a flag of distress.
- </p>
- <p>
- In a second, before he had time to recover, I swung again, and very
- vigorously.
- </p>
- <p>
- “If you're going to save yourself you haven't a minute to lose. The
- detectives want that reward, and they're after you. They telephoned me not
- ten minutes ago. I'll do what I can for you, but I make one condition.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Excuse me,” he said, as he pulled himself together. “I didn't know that
- you had such a taste for history.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I love to study the history of philanthropists,” I said. “Yours thrilled
- me. I couldn't stop till I got to this minute. You're just beginning a new
- chapter, and I want you to give it a heading right now. Shall it be
- 'Prison Life' or 'In the Way of Reform'?”
- </p>
- <p>
- Again the man spoke.
- </p>
- <p>
- “As God's my witness, I want to live honest,” said he.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Then I'll try to help you.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I have always thought with admiration of his calmness as he looked down at
- me with a face that said, “I surrender,” and a tongue that said:
- </p>
- <p>
- “May I use your bath-room for one minute?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Certainly,” was my answer.
- </p>
- <p>
- He entered the bath-room and closed its door behind him.
- </p>
- <p>
- I had begun to fear that he might have rashly decided to jump into
- eternity from my bath-room when he reappeared with no mustache and a gray
- beard on his chin. Then, as if by chance, he took my hat and gray summer
- top-coat from the peg, where they had been hanging, said “Good-by,” and
- walked hurriedly out of my door and down the corridor.
- </p>
- <p>
- I had hesitated a little between my duty to Mexico and my duty to Norris,
- but I felt, and rightly, as I believe, that my client should come first,
- for I am rather human. But how about the reward? I thought. Well, that was
- none of my funeral. Shorn of his pull, he was now in the thorny path of
- the fugitive, and so I let him go.
- </p>
- <p>
- I tried to work, but work was out of the question for me that morning. I
- went for a walk, and on my return sat down with my paper. Among the items
- in its cable news was the following:
- </p>
- <p>
- <i>Whitfield Norris and his family are at the Grand Hotel in Rome. His
- daughter, Miss Gwendolyn, whose beauty and wealth, as well as her amiable
- disposition, have attracted many suitors, is said to be engaged to the
- young Count Carola.</i>
- </p>
- <p>
- What I said to myself is not one of the things which should appear in a
- book, and I wish only to suggest enough of it here to put me on record.
- </p>
- <p>
- Soon after one o'clock I was called to the 'phone by my secretary, who had
- followed Muggs when he left my room. At the time I gave my man his orders
- I did not know, of course, how my interview would turn out, and so, with a
- lawyer's prudence, I had decided to keep track of Muggs. When he settled
- down or left the city my young man was to report, and so:
- </p>
- <p>
- “Hello,” came his voice on the telephone.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Hello! What news?” I asked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Our friend has just sailed on the <i>Caronia</i> for England.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “All right,” I said, and then: “Hold on! Find out if there is a fast ship
- sailing to-night, and if so engage good quarters for two.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I sat down to get my breath.
- </p>
- <p>
- “How deft and wonderful!” I whispered. “It takes a good lawyer to keep up
- with him.”
- </p>
- <p>
- The man was on his way to Italy for another whack at Norris, and I had
- been thinking that he was broke. He would resume his philanthropic rôle in
- Italy and probably scare Norris to death. He had, of course, read that
- fool item in some paper. There was but one thing for me to do: I must get
- there first and meet him in the corridor of the Grand Hotel upon his
- arrival. Fortunately, my business was pretty well cleaned up in
- preparation for a long rest of which we had been talking.
- </p>
- <p>
- I telephoned to Betsey that we should probably go abroad that night and
- that she must get her trunks packed and on the way to the city as soon as
- possible.
- </p>
- <p>
- “But my summer clothes are not ready!” she exclaimed.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Never mind clothes,” I answered. “Breech-cloths will do until we can get
- to Europe, and there's any amount of clothing for sale on the other side
- of the pond. Chuck some things into a couple of trunks and stamp 'em down
- and come on. We'll meet here at six.”
- </p>
- <p>
- Then I thought of my talk with Gwendolyn, and telephoned to young Forbes
- and told him that I was going to Italy, and asked:
- </p>
- <p>
- “Any message to send?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Sure,” said he. “I'll come down to see you.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “We dine at seven,” I said.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Put on a plate for me,” he requested.
- </p>
- <p>
- I had scarcely hung up the receiver when the bell rang and my secretary
- notified me that he had engaged a good room on the <i>Toltec</i>, and
- would be at my hotel in twenty minutes.
- </p>
- <p>
- I went down to the office and wrote a cablegram to Norris, in which I said
- that we were going over to see the country and would call on him within
- ten days.
- </p>
- <p>
- To pay the charges I took out my pocket-book. There was no money in it.
- What had happened to me? There had been two one-hundred-dollar bills in
- the book when I had paid for last evening's dinner; now it held nothing
- but a slip of paper neatly folded. I opened it and read these words
- written with a pencil:
- </p>
- <p>
- <i>Thanks. This is the last call. M.</i>
- </p>
- <p>
- Then I remembered that yesterday's trousers had been hanging in the
- bath-room with my money in the right-hand pocket when Muggs was there. I
- had got the book and taken it with me when I went for a walk.
- </p>
- <p>
- “He may be a busted philanthropist, but he's not a busted thief,” I mused.
- </p>
- <p>
- <br /><br />
- </p>
- <hr />
- <p>
- <a name="link2H_4_0006" id="link2H_4_0006"> </a>
- </p>
- <div style="height: 4em;">
- <br /><br /><br /><br />
- </div>
- <h2>
- V.—IN WHICH WE HAVE AN AMUSING VOYAGE
- </h2>
- <p class="pfirst">
- <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">B</span>ETSEY had been a
- bit disturbed by the swiftness of my plans. On her arrival in town she
- said to me:
- </p>
- <p>
- “Look here, Socrates Potter, I'm no longer a colt, and you'll have to
- drive slower. What are you up to, anyway?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “A surprise-party!” I answered. “Cheer up! It's our honeymoon trip. I've
- decided that after a man has married a woman it's his duty to get well
- acquainted with her. What's the use of having a breastful of love and
- affection and no time to show it. To begin with we shall have the best
- dinner this hotel affords.”
- </p>
- <p>
- Our table, which had been well adorned with flowers, awaited us, and we
- sat down to dinner. Richard Forbes came while we were eating our oysters
- and joined us.
- </p>
- <p>
- We talked of many things, and while we were eating our dessert I sailed
- into the subject nearest my heart by saying:
- </p>
- <p>
- “I kind o' guessed that you'd want to send a message.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “How did you know it?” he asked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Oh, by sundry looks and glances of your eye when I saw you last.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “They didn't deceive you,” said he. “Tell them that they may see me in
- Rome before long. Miss Norris was kind enough to say in a letter that they
- would be glad to see me. I haven't answered yet. You might gently break
- the news of my plan and let me know how they stand it.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I'll give them your affectionate regard—that's as far as I am
- willing to go—and I'll tell them to prepare for your presence. If
- they show evidence of alarm I'll let you know. I kind o' mistrust that you
- may be needed there and—and wanted.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “No joking now!” he warned me.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Those titled chaps are likely to get after her, and I may want you to
- help me head 'em off. You'd be a silly feller to let them grab the prize.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “The trouble is my fortune isn't made,” said he. “I'm getting along, but I
- can't afford to get married yet.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Don't worry about that,” I begged him. “Our young men all seem to be
- thinking about money and nothing else. Quit it. Keep out of this great
- American thought-trust. Any girl that isn't willing to take hold and help
- you make your fortune isn't worth having. Don't let the vine of your
- thoughts go twining around the money-pole. If you do they'll make you a
- prisoner.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “But she is used to every luxury.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “And probably will be glad to try something new. Her mama is not looking
- for riches, but noble blood, I suppose. Norris's girl looks good to me—nice
- way of going, as they used to say of the colts. We ought to be able to
- offer her as high an order of nobility as there is in Europe.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I'm very common clay,” the boy answered, with a laugh.
- </p>
- <p>
- “And the molding is up to you,” I said, as we rose to go.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Tell them that Gwendolyn's heart is American territory and that I shall
- stand for no violation of the Monroe Doctrine,” said he.
- </p>
- <p>
- We bade him good-by and went aboard the steamer in as happy a mood as if
- we had spent six months instead of six hours getting ready. So our voyage
- began.
- </p>
- <p>
- Going over we felt the strong tides of the spirit which carry so many of
- our countrymen to the Old World. The <i>Toltec</i> was crowded with
- tourists of the All-Europe-in-three-weeks variety. There were others, but
- these were a small minority. Every passenger seemed to be loaded, beyond
- the Plimsoll mark, with conversation, and in the ship's talk were all the
- spiritual symptoms of America.
- </p>
- <p>
- We chose partners and went into the business of visiting. The sea shook
- her big, round sides, immensely tickled, I should say, by the gossip. Our
- ship was a moving rialto. We swapped stories and exchanged sentiments; we
- traded hopes and secrets; we cranked up and opened the gas-valve and raced
- into autobiography. Each got a memorable bargain. We were almost dishonest
- with our generosity.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Ship ahoy!” we shouted to every man who came our way and noted his
- tonnage and cargo, his home port and destination.
- </p>
- <p>
- How American! God bless us all!
- </p>
- <p>
- Within forty-eight hours it seemed to me that everybody knew everybody
- else, except Lord and Lady Dorris, who were aboard, and the adoring group
- that surrounded them.
- </p>
- <p>
- The big, wide-world thought-trust was well represented in the
- smoking-room. There were business men and boys just out of college, all
- expressing themselves in terms of profit and loss—the wealth of this
- or that man and how he got it, the effect of legislation upon business,
- and all that kind of thing. Thirty-five years ago such a company would
- have been talking of the last speeches of Conkling and Ingersoll or the
- last poems of Whittier and Tennyson.
- </p>
- <p>
- There were many keynotes in the conversation. If one sat down with a book
- in the reading-room he would abandon it for the better display of human
- nature in the crowd around him. There were some twoscore women all talking
- at the same time, each drenching the other in the steady flow of her
- conversational hose. The plan of it all seemed to be very generous—everybody
- giving and nobody receiving anything. I used to think that among women
- talk was for display or relief, and whispering for the transfer of
- intelligence. Since I got married I know better: women have a sixth sense
- by which they can acquire knowledge without listening in a talk-fest. They
- miss nothing.
- </p>
- <p>
- It was interesting to observe how the edges of the conversations impinged
- upon one another, like the circles made by a handful of pebbles flung from
- a bridge into water. Now and then some strong-voiced lady dropped a rock
- into the pool, and the spatter went to both shores. The spray advertised
- the thought-trusts of the women:
- </p>
- <p>
- “I felt so sorry for poor Mabel! There wasn't a young man in the party.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “It was a capital operation, but I pulled through.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Yes, I've wanted to go to Italy ever since I saw 'Romeo and Juliet.'
- Those Italians are wonderful lovers.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “It was so ridiculous to be throwing her at his head, and she with a weak
- heart and only one lung!”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I don't know how I spend it, but somehow it goes.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Oh, they have been abroad, but anybody can do that these days.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Poor man! I feel sorry for him—she's terribly extravagant.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “We don't see much of our home these days.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “My twentieth trip across the ocean.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Our children are in boarding-schools, and my husband is living at his
- club.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I wanted to smoke and excused myself from Betsey and went out on the deck,
- now more than half deserted, and stood looking off at the night. Family
- history was pouring out of the state-room windows, and I could not help
- hearing it. Grandma, slightly deaf, was saying to her daughter:
- </p>
- <p>
- “Lizzie must be more careful when those young men come to the door. This
- morning she wasn't half dressed when she opened it.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Oh yes, she was.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “No, she wasn't; I took particular notice. And every morning she wets her
- hair in my perfumery. Then, sadly, It's almost gone.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I knew enough about the sins of Lizzie, and moved on and took a new stand.
- </p>
- <p>
- An elderly lumber merchant from Michigan was saying to his companion in a
- loud voice:
- </p>
- <p>
- “Yes, I retired ten years ago. I am studying the history of the world—all
- about the life of the world, especially the life of the ancients.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I moved on to escape a comparison of the careers of Alexander and
- Napoleon, and settled down in a dusky corner near which a lady was giving
- an account of the surgical operations which had been performed upon her.
- So the conversation, which had begun at daybreak, went on into the night.
- It was all very human—very American.
- </p>
- <p>
- The Litchmans of Chicago had rooms opposite ours. Every night six or eight
- pairs of shoes, each decorated with a colored ribbon to distinguish it
- from the common run of shoes, were ranged in a row outside their door. The
- lady had forty-two hats—so I was told—and all of them were
- neatly aired in the course of the voyage. The upper end of her system was
- not a head, but a hat-holder.
- </p>
- <p>
- Their family of four children was established in a room next to ours. As a
- whole, it was the most harmonious and efficient yelling-machine of which I
- have any knowledge. Its four cylinders worked like one. At dinner it
- filled its tanks with cheese and cakes and nuts and jellies and milk, and
- was thus put into running order for the night. It is wonderful how many
- yells there are in a relay of cheese and cake and nuts and jelly and milk.
- When we got in bed the machine cranked up, backed out of the garage, and
- went shrieking up the hill to midnight and down the slope to
- breakfast-time, stopping briefly now and then for repairs.
- </p>
- <p>
- A deaf lady next morning declared that she had heard the fog-whistles
- blowing all night.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Fog-whistles! We didn't need 'em,” said Betsey.
- </p>
- <p>
- It was a symptom of America with which I had been unfamiliar.
- </p>
- <p>
- We were astonished at the number of manless women aboard that ship. Many
- were much-traveled widows whose husbands had fallen in the hard battles of
- American life; some, I doubt not, like the battle of Norris, with hidden
- worries that feed, like rats, on the strength of a man.
- </p>
- <p>
- Many of the women were handsome daughters and sleek, well-fed mamas whose
- husbands could not leave the struggle—often the desperate struggle—for
- fame and fortune.
- </p>
- <p>
- There were elderly women—well upholstered grandmamas—generally
- traveling in pairs.
- </p>
- <p>
- One of them, a slim, garrulous, and affectionate lady well past her prime,
- was immensely proud of her feet. She was Mrs. Fraley, from Terre Haute—“a
- daughter of dear old Missouri,” she explained. It seemed that her feet had
- retained their pristine beauty through all vicissitudes, and been
- complimented by sundry distinguished observers. One evening she said to
- Betsey:
- </p>
- <p>
- “Come down to my state-room, dearest dear, and I will show you my feet.”
- </p>
- <p>
- She always seemed to be seeking astonishment, and was often exclaiming
- “Indeed!” or “How wonderful!” and I hadn't told any lies either.
- </p>
- <p>
- We met also Mrs. Mullet, of Sioux City, a gay and copious widow of middle
- age, who appeared in the ship's concert with dark eyes well underscored to
- give them proper emphasis. She was a well-favored, sentimental lady with
- thick, wavy, brown hair. Her thoughts were also a bit wavy, but Betsey
- formed a high opinion of her. Mrs. Mullet was a neat dresser and resembled
- a fashion-plate. Her talk was well dressed in English accents. She often
- looked thoughtfully at my chin when we talked together, as if she were
- estimating its value as a site for a stand of whiskers. It was her
- apparent knowledge of art which interested Betsey. She talked art
- beautiful, as Sam Henshaw used to say, and was going to Italy to study it.
- </p>
- <p>
- There were schoolma'ams going over to improve their minds, and romping,
- sweetfaced girls setting out to be instructed in art or music, beyond
- moral boundaries, and knowing not that they would take less harm among the
- lions and hyenas of eastern Africa. When will our women learn that the
- centers of art and music in Europe are generally the exact centers of
- moral leprosy?
- </p>
- <p>
- There were stately, dignified, and inhuman people of the seaboard
- aristocracy of the East—the Europeans of America, who see only the
- crudeness of their own land. They have been dehorned—muleyed into
- freaks by degenerate habits of mind and body. A certain passenger called
- them the “Eunuchs of democracy,” but I wouldn't be so intemperate with the
- truth. One of them was the Lady Dorris, daughter of a New York
- millionaire, who came out of her own apartments one evening to peer
- laughingly into the dining-saloon, and say:
- </p>
- <p>
- “I love to look at them; they're so very, very curious!”
- </p>
- <p>
- Yes, we have a few Europeans in America, but I suspect that Europe is more
- than half American.
- </p>
- <p>
- Then there was Mr. Pike, the lumber king, from Prairie du Chien, who
- stroked his whiskers when he talked to me and looked me over from head to
- toe as if calculating the amount of good timber in me. He had retired,
- jumped from the lumber business into ancient history, and was now
- reporting the latest news from Tyre and Babylon.
- </p>
- <p>
- In this environment of character we proceeded with nothing to do but
- observe it, and with no suspicion that we were being introduced to the
- persons of a drama in which we were to play our parts in Italy.
- </p>
- <p>
- So now, then, the orchestra has ceased playing and the curtain is up
- again, and, with all these people on the stage, in the middle of the ocean
- word goes around the decks that there is a ship off the port side very
- near us. We look and observe that we are passing her. It is the <i>Caronia</i>,
- and we ride the seas with a better sense of comfort, knowing that Wilton
- is behind us.
- </p>
- <p>
- <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0001" id="linkimage-0001"> </a>
- </p>
- <div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
- <img src="images/0077.jpg" alt="0077m " width="100%" /><br />
- </div>
- <h5>
- <a href="images/0077.jpg"><img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a>
- </h5>
- <p>
- <br /><br />
- </p>
- <hr />
- <p>
- <a name="link2H_4_0007" id="link2H_4_0007"> </a>
- </p>
- <div style="height: 4em;">
- <br /><br /><br /><br />
- </div>
- <h2>
- VI.—WE ARRIVE IN THE LAND OF LOVE AND SONG
- </h2>
- <p class="pfirst">
- <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">H</span>ERE we are in Rome
- on the tenth day of our journey at three in the afternoon! Jiminy
- Christmas! How I felt the need of language! I had given my leisure on the
- train to the careful study of a conversation-book, but the conversation I
- acquired was not extensive enough to satisfy every need of a man born in
- northern New England. It was too polite. There were a number of men who
- quarreled over us and our baggage in the station at Rome, and I had to do
- all my swearing with the aid of a dictionary. I found it too slow to be of
- any use. We were rescued soon by Mrs. Norris and her footman, who took us
- to the Grand Hotel. Gwendolyn met us in the hall of their apartment, and I
- delivered Forbes's message.
- </p>
- <p>
- “You may kiss me!” she exclaimed, joyously.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I do it for him,” I said.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Then do it again,” said she.
- </p>
- <p>
- That's the kind of a girl she was—up and a-coming!—and that's
- the kind of a man I am—obliging to the point of generosity at the
- proper moment.
- </p>
- <p>
- The reputation of the Norrises gave us standing, and we were soon marching
- in step and sowing our francs in a rattling shower with the great caravan
- of American blood-hunters.
- </p>
- <p>
- Norris himself was in better health than I had hoped to find him, and
- three days later he drove me to Tivoli in his motor-car.
- </p>
- <p>
- As we were leaving the hotel the porter said to Norris:
- </p>
- <p>
- “An American gentleman called to see you about an hour ago. He was very
- urgent, and I told him that I thought you had gone to Tivoli.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Not gone, but going,” said Norris. “There's a grain of truth in what you
- said, but I suppose you meant well.”
- </p>
- <p>
- He handed the porter a coin and added:
- </p>
- <p>
- “You must never be able to guess where I am.”
- </p>
- <p>
- In the course of our long ride across the Campagna I made my report and he
- made his. I told the whole story of Muggs and how at length the man had
- given me a good, full excuse for my play-spell.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I suppose that he will be after us again here,” said Norris.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Don't worry,” I answered; “you'll find me a capable watch-dog. It will
- only be necessary for me to bark at him once or twice.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “You're an angel of mercy,” said my friend. “I couldn't bear the sight of
- him now. It isn't the money involved; it's his devilish smoothness and the
- twitch of the bull-ring and the peril I am in of losing my temper and of
- doing something to—to be regretted.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Let me be secretary of your interior also,” I proposed, and added: “I can
- get mad enough for both of us, and I have a growing stock of cuss words.”
- </p>
- <p>
- My assurance seemed to set Norris at rest, and I called for his report.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Mine is a longer story,” he began. “First we went to Saint Moritz—beautiful
- place, six thousand feet up in the mountains—and it agreed with me.
- We found two kinds of Americans there—the idle rich who came to play
- with the titled poor and the homeless. Everywhere in Europe one finds
- homeless people from our country—a wandering, pathetic tribe of
- well-to-do gipsies. Among the idle rich are maidens with great prospects
- and planning mamas, and rich widows looking for live noblemen with the
- money of dead grocers, rum merchants, and contractors. They're all
- searching for 'blood,' as they call it.
- </p>
- <p>
- “'I can't marry an American,' one of them said to me; 'I want a man of
- blood. These men are of ancient families that have made history, and they
- know how to make love, too.'
- </p>
- <p>
- “Impoverished dukes, marquises, princes, barons, counts, from the purlieus
- of aristocratic Europe, throng about them. These noblemen are professional
- marryers, and all for sale. The bob-sled and the toboggan are implements
- of their craft, symbols of the rapid pace. Unfortunately, they are often
- the meeting-place of youthful innocence and utter depravity, of glowing
- health and incurable disease. Maidens and marquises, barons and widows,
- counts and young married women, traveling alone, sit dovetailed on
- bob-sleds and toboggans, and, locked in a complex embrace, this tangle of
- youth and beauty, this interwoven mass of good and evil, rushes down the
- slippery way. In the swift, curving flight, by sheer hugging, they
- overcome the tug of centrifugal force. It is a long hug and a strong hug.
- Thus, courtship is largely a matter of sliding.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Then there are the dances. I do not need to describe them. At Saint
- Moritz they go to the limit. Fifteen years ago when Chuck Connors and his
- friends practised these dances in a Bowery dive respectable citizens
- turned away with disgust. Since then the idle rich who explore the
- underworld have begun to imitate its dances, which were intended to
- suggest the morals of the dog-kennel and the farmyard and which have
- achieved some success in that direction. Unfortunately, the idle rich are
- well advertised. If they were to wear rings in their noses the practice
- would soon become fashionable.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Well, you see, it was no place for my girl. I sent her away with Mrs.
- Mushtop to Rome, but not until a young Italian count had got himself in
- love with my money.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Count Carola?” I asked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Count Carola!” said he. “How did you know?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Saw it in the paper.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “The paper!” he exclaimed. “God save us from the papers as well as from
- war, pestilence, and sudden death.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Is the count really shot in the heart?” I ventured to ask.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Oh, he likes her as any man likes a pretty, bright-eyed girl,” Norris
- went on, “but it was a part of my money that he wanted most. I had kept
- her out of that crowd, and the young man hadn't met her. He had only stood
- about and stared at us, and had finally asked for an introduction to me,
- which I refused, greatly to my wife's annoyance. The young man followed
- them to Rome, but I didn't know that he had done so until I got there.
- They went around seeing things, and everywhere they went the count was
- sure to go. Followed them like a dog, day in and day out. Isn't that
- making it a business? His eyes were on them in every room of every
- art-gallery. One day, when they stood with some friends near the
- music-stand in the Pincio Gardens, the count approached Mrs. Mushtop. You
- know Mrs. Mushtop; she is a good woman, but a European at heart and a
- worshiper of titles. I didn't suppose that she was such a romantic old
- saphead of a woman. This is what happened: the count took off his hat and
- greeted her with great politeness. She was a little flattered. My daughter
- turned away.
- </p>
- <p>
- “'I suspect, myself, that you are the young lady's chaperon,' said he.
- </p>
- <p>
- “'Yes, sir.'
- </p>
- <p>
- “'I am in love with the beautiful, charming young lady. It is so joyful
- for me to look at her. I am most unhappy unless I am near her. I have the
- honor to hand you my card; I wish you to make the inquiry about my family
- and my character. Then I hope that you will permission me to speak to
- her.'
- </p>
- <p>
- “Think of Mrs. Mushtop standing there and letting him go on to that
- extent.
- </p>
- <p>
- “She said, 'It would do no good, for I believe that she is engaged.'
- </p>
- <p>
- “'That will make not any difference,' he insisted, with true Italian
- simplicity; I will take my chances.'
- </p>
- <p>
- “She foolishly kept his card, but had the good sense to turn away and
- leave him.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Mrs. Norris went on to Rome for a few days while I stayed at Saint Moritz
- with my physician, mother, and secretary. You know women better than I do,
- probably. Most of them like that Romeo business; that swearing by the sun,
- moon, and stars—those cosmic, cross-universe measurements of love. I
- don't know as I blame them, for, after all, a woman's happiness is so
- dependent on the love of a husband.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Well, those women got their heads together, and my wife thought that, on
- the whole, she liked the looks of the count. He was rather slim and dusky,
- but he had big, dark eyes and red cheeks and perfect teeth and a fine
- bearing. So they drove to Florence, where he lived, and investigated his
- pedigree and character. It was a very old family, which had played an
- important part in the campaigns of Mazzini and Cavour, but its estate had
- been confiscated after the first failure of the great Lombard chief, and
- its fortunes were now at a low ebb. One of the count's brothers is the
- head waiter in a hotel at Naples. He had sense enough to go to work, but
- the count is a confirmed gentleman who rests on hopes and visions. He
- reminds me of a house standing in the air with no visible means of
- support.
- </p>
- <p>
- “However, the investigation was satisfactory to my wife, and she invited
- the young man to dinner at her hotel. The ladies were all captivated by
- his charm, and there's no denying that the young fellow has pretty
- manners. It's great to see him garnish a cup of tea or a plate of
- spaghetti with conversation. His talk is pastry and bonbons.
- </p>
- <p>
- “When I came on I found them going about with him and having a fine time.
- Under his leadership my wife had visited sundry furniture and antique
- shops and invested some five thousand dollars, on which, I presume, the
- count received commissions sufficient to keep him in spending-money for a
- while. I didn't like the count, and told them so. He's too effeminate for
- me—hasn't the frank, upstanding, full-breasted, rugged,
- ready-for-anything look of our American boys. But I didn't interfere; I
- kept my hands off, for long ago I promised to let my wife have her way
- about the girl. That reminds me we have invited young Forbes to come over
- and spend a month with us.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Likely young fellow,” I said.
- </p>
- <p>
- “None better,” said he; “if he had sense enough to ask Gwen to marry him
- I'd be glad of it. I have refused to encourage the affair with the count,
- but we find it hard to saw him off. We drove to Florence the other day,
- and he followed us there and back again. He's a comer, I can tell you; we
- can see him coming wherever we are. I swear a little about it now and
- then, and Gwen says, 'Well, father, you don't own the road.' And Mrs.
- Norris will say: 'Poor fellow! Isn't it pitiful? I'm so sorry for him!'
- </p>
- <p>
- “His devotion to business is simply amazing—works early and late,
- and don't mind going hungry. In all my life I never saw anything like it.”
- </p>
- <p>
- We had arrived at Tivoli, and as he ceased speaking we drew up at
- Hadrian's Villa and entered the ruins with a crowd of American tourists.
- An energetic lady dogged the steps of the swift-moving guide with a volley
- of questions which began with, “Was it before or after Christ?” By and by
- she said: “I wouldn't like to have been Mrs. Hadrian. Think of covering
- all these floors with carpets and keeping them clean!”
- </p>
- <p>
- I left Norris sitting on a broken column and went on with the crowd for a
- few minutes. I kept close to the energetic lady, being interested in her
- talk. Suddenly she began to hop up and down on one leg and gasp for
- breath. I never saw a lady hopping on one leg before, and it alarmed me.
- The battalion of sightseers moved on; they seemed to be unaware of her
- distress—or was it simply a lack of time? I stopped to see what I
- could do for her.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Oh, my lord! My heavens!” she shouted, as she looked at me, with both
- hands on her lifted thigh. “I've got a cramp in my leg! I've got a cramp
- in my leg!”
- </p>
- <p>
- I supported the lady and spoke a comforting word or two. She closed her
- eyes and rested her head on my arm, and presently put down her leg and
- looked brighter.
- </p>
- <p>
- “There, it's all right now,” said she, with a shake of her skirt. “Thanks!
- Do you come from Michigan?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “No.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Where do you hail from?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Pointview, Connecticut.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I'm from Flint, Michigan, and I'm just tuckered out. They keep me going
- night and day. I'm making a collection of old knockers. Do you suppose
- there are any shops where they keep 'em here?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Don't know. I'm just a pilgrim and a stranger and am not posted in the
- knocker trade,” I answered.
- </p>
- <p>
- The crowd had turned a corner; and with a swift good-by she ran after it,
- fearful, I suppose, of losing some detail in the domestic life of Hadrian.
- </p>
- <p>
- So on one leg, as it were, she enters and swiftly crosses the stage. It's
- a way Providence has of preparing us for the future. To this moment's
- detention I was indebted for an adventure of importance, for as she left
- me I saw Muggs, the sleek, pestiferous Muggs, coming out of the old baths
- on his way to the gate. He must have been the man who had called to see
- Norris that morning. He turned pale with astonishment and nodded.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Well, Muggs, here you are,” I said.
- </p>
- <p>
- He handled himself in a remarkable fashion, for he was as cool as a
- cucumber when he answered:
- </p>
- <p>
- “I used to resemble a lot of men, and some pretty decent fellows used to
- resemble me, but as soon as they saw me they quit it—got out from
- under, you know. Even my photographs have quit resembling me.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Well, you have changed a little, but my hat and overcoat look just about
- as they did,” I laughed. .
- </p>
- <p>
- “If I didn't know it was impossible I would say that your name was
- Potter,” said he.
- </p>
- <p>
- “And if I knew it was impossible I would swear that your name was Muggs,”
- I answered.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Forget it,” said he; “in the name of God, forget it. I'm trying to live
- honest, and I'm going to let you and your friends alone if you'll let me
- alone. Now, that's a fair bargain.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I hesitated, wondering at his sensitiveness.
- </p>
- <p>
- “You owe us quite a balance, but I'm inclined to call it a bargain,” I
- said. “Only be kind to that hat and coat; they are old friends of mine. I
- don't care so much about the two hundred dollars.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Thanks,” he answered with a laugh, and went on: “I've given you proper
- credit on the books. You'll hear from me as soon as I am on my feet.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “What are you doing here?” I asked.
- </p>
- <p>
- He answered: “Ever since I was a kid I've wanted to see the Colosseum
- where men fought with lions.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I am sure that you would enjoy a look at Hadrian's Walk,” I said,
- pointing to the tourists who had halted there as I turned away.
- </p>
- <p>
- So we parted, and with a sense of good luck I hurried to Norris.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I've got a crick in my back,” I said. “Let's get out of here.”
- </p>
- <p>
- We proceeded to our motor-car at the entrance.
- </p>
- <p>
- “This ruin is the most infamous relic in the world,” said Norris, as we
- got into our car; “it stands for the grandeur of pagan hoggishness. Think
- of a man who wanted all the treasures and poets and musicians and beauties
- in the world for the exclusive enjoyment of himself and friends. Millions
- of men gave their lives for the creation of this sublime swine-yard.
- Hadrian's Villa, and others like it, broke the back of the empire. I tell
- you, the world has changed, and chiefly in its sense of responsibility for
- riches. Here in Italy you still find the old feudal, hog theory of riches,
- which is a thing of the past in America and which is passing in England.
- We have a liking for service. I tell you, Potter, my daughter ought to
- marry an American who is strong in the modem impulses, and go on with my
- work.”
- </p>
- <p>
- <br /><br />
- </p>
- <hr />
- <p>
- <a name="link2H_4_0008" id="link2H_4_0008"> </a>
- </p>
- <div style="height: 4em;">
- <br /><br /><br /><br />
- </div>
- <h2>
- VII.—IN WHICH I TEACH THE DIFFICULT ART OF BEING AN AMERICAN IN
- ITALY
- </h2>
- <p class="pfirst">
- <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">N</span>ORRIS had
- overtaxed himself in this ride to Tivoli and spent the next day in his
- bed.
- </p>
- <p>
- “My conversation often has this effect,” I said, as I sat by his bedside.
- “Forty miles of it is too much without a sedative. You need the assistance
- of the rest of the family. Let Gwendolyn and her mother take a turn at
- listening.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “That's exactly what I propose. I want you to look after them,” he said.
- “They need me now if they ever did, and I'm a broken reed. Be a friend to
- them, if you can.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I liked Norris, for he was bigger than his fortune, and you can't say that
- of every millionaire. Not many suspect how a lawyer's heart can warm to a
- noble client. I would have gone through fire and water for him.
- </p>
- <p>
- “If they can stand it I can,” was my answer. “A good many people have
- tried my friendship and chucked it overboard. It's like swinging an ax,
- and not for women. One has to have regular rest and good natural vitality
- to stand my friendship.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “They have just stood a medical examination,” he went on. “I want you and
- Mrs. Potter to see Rome with Gwendolyn and her mother and give them your
- view of things. Be their guide and teacher. I hope you may succeed in
- building up their Americanism, but if you conclude to turn them into
- Italians I shall be content.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “There are many things I can't do, but you couldn't find a more willing
- professor of Americanism,” I declared.
- </p>
- <p>
- So it happened that Betsey and I went with Gwendolyn and her mother for a
- drive.
- </p>
- <p>
- I am not much inclined to the phrases of romance. Being a lawyer, I hew to
- the line. But I have come to a minute when my imagination pulls at the
- rein as if it wanted to run away. I remember that an old colonial lawyer
- refers in one of his complaints to “a most comely and winsome mayd who
- with ribbands and slashed sleeves and snug garments and stockings well
- knit and displayed and sundry glances of her eye did wickedly and
- unlawfully work upon this man until he forgot his duty to his God, his
- state, and his family,” and it is on record that this “winsome mayd” was
- condemned to sit in the bilboes.
- </p>
- <p>
- The tall, graceful, blue-eyed, blond-haired girl, opposite whom I sat in
- the motor-car that day, was both comely and winsome. She innocently
- “worked upon” the opposite sex until one member of it got to work upon me,
- and I'm not the kind that goes around looking for trouble. Even when it
- looks for me it often fails to find me.
- </p>
- <p>
- I am a man rather firmly set in my way and well advanced upon it, but I
- have to acknowledge that Gwendolyn's face kept reminding me of the best
- days of my boyhood, when life itself was like a rose just opened, and the
- smile of Betsey was morning sunlight. Backed by great wealth, its effect
- upon the marryers of Italy can be imagined.
- </p>
- <p>
- Gwendolyn had survived the three deadly perils of girlhood—cake,
- candy, and the soda-fountain. A pony and saddle and good air to breathe
- helped her to win the fight until she went to school in Munich, where a
- wise matron and the spirit of the school induced her to climb mountains
- and eat meat and vegetables and other articles in the diet of the sane.
- Now she was a strong, red-cheeked, full-blooded young lady of twenty. In
- spite of the stanch Americanism of Norris, Gwendolyn and her mother were
- full of European spirit. They liked democracy, but they loved the pomp and
- splendor of courts, and the sound of titles, and the glitter of swords and
- uniforms. As we got into the car we observed numbers of young men staring
- at us, and I spoke of it, and Gwendolyn said to me:
- </p>
- <p>
- “I think that the young men in America are better-looking, but they are so
- cold! All the girls tell me that these boys can beat them making love, and
- I believe it.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “But most of our boys have work to do,” I said. “With them love-making is
- only a side issue, and it often comes at the end of a long, hard day.
- These Italians seem to have nothing else to do but make love.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I don't see, for my part, why men who have plenty of money should have to
- work,” said Mrs. Norris. “What's the use of having money if it doesn't
- give you leisure for enjoyment?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “But leisure is like dynamite—you have to be careful with it,” I
- said. “For most of us it's the only danger. All deviltry begins in leisure
- and ends in work, if at all. Being naturally sinful, I don't fool with it
- much. Of course you women are moral giants, and you don't need to be so
- scared of it.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “You have to joke about everything,” said Mrs. Norris. “Sometimes I think
- that I understand you and suddenly you begin joking, and then I lose
- confidence in all you have said.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I mean all I say and then some more,” I declared. “I assume that you are
- moral giants or that you do a lot of work secretly. No <i>man</i> could
- keep his footing in the slippery path of unending leisure. In Europe
- leisure is the aim of all, and where it most abounds morality is a joke.
- Here blood and leisure are the timber of which all ladies and gentlemen
- are made. In America we know that it's rotten timber. We have discovered
- three great commandments. They are written not only on tablets of stone,
- but everywhere. If they were printed across the sky they couldn't be any
- plainer. You know them as well as I do.” The three ladies turned serious
- eyes upon me and shook their heads.
- </p>
- <p>
- Then I shot my bolt at them:
- </p>
- <p>
- “They are:
- </p>
- <p>
- “1. Get busy.
- </p>
- <p>
- “2. Keep busy.
- </p>
- <p>
- “3. See that it pays, which means that you are to play as well as work.”
- </p>
- <p>
- Mrs. Norris smiled and nimbly stepped out of my way and bravely answered,
- like a real rococo aristocrat:
- </p>
- <p>
- “I fear that you are prejudiced. I should be proud to have my daughter
- marry into one of these old families, not hastily, of course, but after we
- have found the right man. There are splendid men in some of them, and your
- best Italian is a most devoted husband. He worships his wife.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “And if you're looking for a worshiper you couldn't find a place where the
- arts of worship have been so highly developed,” I answered. “But no
- American girl should be looking for a worshiper unless she's under the
- impression that she created the world, and even then a doctor would do her
- more good. Of course Gwendolyn would prefer a man, and what's the matter
- with one of your own countrymen—Forbes, for instance?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I couldn't pass his examination—too difficult!” said Gwendolyn,
- with a laugh. “I think that he is looking for a world-beater—a girl
- who could win the first prize in a golf tournament or a beauty show or a
- competition in mathematics. What chance have I? He thinks that he has got
- to be a rich man before he gets married. What chance has he?” Clearly she
- wanted me to know that she liked him and resented his apparent
- indifference. I suppose that he had not fallen down before her, as other
- boys had done, and she could not quite make him out. Probably that's why
- she preferred him.
- </p>
- <p>
- “He has wonderful self-possession,” I said.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Yes, he'll never let go of himself. All the girls say that about him.
- He's a wise youngster.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “If he were in my place I don't believe he could hold out through the
- day,” I declared.
- </p>
- <p>
- “She does look well, doesn't she?” said Mrs. Norris, as she proudly
- surveyed her daughter. “Italy agrees with her, and she loves it and the
- people.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “So do I,” was my answer. “The Italian people, who are doing the work of
- Italy, are admirable. Out in the vineyards you will find young men who are
- even good enough for Gwendolyn. It's these idle horse-traders that I
- object to—these fellows who are trying to swap a case of spavined
- respectability for a fortune.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Oh, you're a mountain of prejudice!” Mrs. Norris exclaimed. “Now, there's
- the Princess Carrero. She was an American girl, and she is the happiest,
- proudest woman in Italy. Her husband is one of the finest gentlemen I ever
- met.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “He's a dear!” Gwendolyn echoed.
- </p>
- <p>
- “For my part I think that international marriages are a fine thing,” Mrs.
- Norris went on. “They are drawing the races together into one
- brotherhood.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “But such a brotherhood will be hard on our sisterhood,” I objected. “A
- wife here is the chief hired girl. Often if she doesn't mind she gets
- licked, and if she's an American she must always pay the bills.”
- </p>
- <p>
- We had come to the great church of St. Paul, beyond the ancient walls of
- the city. There we left our car and passed through a crowd of insistent
- beggars to enter its door. We shivered in our wraps under the great,
- golden ceiling high above our heads. Its towering columns and pilasters
- looked like sculptured ice. It was all so cold!
- </p>
- <p>
- “It doesn't seem right,” I said to Mrs. Norris, “that one should get a
- chill in the house of God.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Keep cool ought to be good advice for Christians,” said Betsey.
- </p>
- <p>
- “But coldness and hospitality are bad companions,” I insisted. “Chilling
- grandeur a people might reasonably expect from their king; but is it the
- thing for a prodigal returning to his father's house?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “But isn't it beautiful?”
- </p>
- <p>
- Mrs. Norris wished me to agree, and I shocked her by saying:
- </p>
- <p>
- “Beautiful, but too much like kings' palaces. The Golden House of Nero was
- just this kind of thing, and it's on record that Jesus Christ had no taste
- for show and glitter. I believe He called it vanity.” Mrs. Norris wore a
- look of surprise. The old horse called Honesty took the bit in his teeth
- then and fairly ran away with me.
- </p>
- <p>
- “The whole difference between Europe and America is in this building,” I
- said. “We no longer believe in kings or kings' palaces in heaven or upon
- earth. With most of us God has ceased to be an emperor rejoicing in pomp
- and splendor and adulation. We find that He likes better to dwell in a
- cabin and a humble heart. We do not believe that he cares for the title of
- king. We do not believe that there are any titles in heaven.”
- </p>
- <p>
- At this point I observed a look of astonishment in the face of Mrs.
- Norris, so I suddenly closed the tap of my thoughts.
- </p>
- <p>
- Was it my philosophy? No, it was Muggs who lifted his hat (or rather my
- hat) as he passed us with the sentimental Mrs. Mullet clinging to his arm.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Don't notice him,” Mrs. Norris whispered to her daughter, as both turned
- away. “It's that odious Wilton who used to come and see father.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I wondered how it was going to be possible for me to rescue Mrs. Mullet
- under the circumstances of our covenant of non-interference. We turned and
- left this splendid memorial to the great apostle Paul.
- </p>
- <p>
- Count Carola was waiting for us at the step of the car, and kissed the
- hands of Mrs. Norris and Gwendolyn, and assisted them to their seats. I
- was presented to him, and am forced to say that I didn't like the cut of
- his jib. Still, I'm very particular about jibs, especially the jib of a
- new boat.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Poor dear boy!” Mrs. Norris exclaimed, as we drove away. “There's a lover
- for you!”
- </p>
- <p>
- “He grows handsomer every day,” said Gwendolyn, in a low, lyrical tone.
- </p>
- <p>
- “It's his suffering,” Mrs. Norris half moaned.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Do you really think so?” the young lady sympathized.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Hold on, Juliet!” said I. “If I were you I'd shoo him off the balcony.
- He's a perfect lily of a man, but he won't do—too generous, too
- devoted! We have men like him in America. There their titles are never
- mentioned in the best society, and their persons are often cruelly
- injured. For a badge of rank they have adopted a kind of liver-pad which
- they wear often over one eye or the other. Of course on Broadway they
- haven't the romantic environment of Italy, and are subject to all kinds of
- violence.”
- </p>
- <p>
- Mrs. Norris flashed a glance of surprise at me.
- </p>
- <p>
- “You are a cruel iconoclast,” said she. “He belongs to one of the best
- families in Italy.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “And if I were you I'd let him continue to belong to it; at least, I
- wouldn't want to buy him. He acts like a book-agent or a seller of
- lightning-rods, or a train-boy with his chocolates and chewing-gum. He
- won't take 'No' for an answer. He keeps tossing his wares into your laps
- and seems to say: 'For God's sake, think of my starving family and make me
- some kind of an offer.' Do you think that compares in dignity with the
- self-possession of Richard?”
- </p>
- <p>
- The ladies exchanged glances. Gwendolyn laughed and blushed. Mrs. Norris
- smiled. I went on:
- </p>
- <p>
- “He defaces the landscape like the portraits of the late Mr. Mennen in
- America. He shows up everywhere as an advertisement for his own charms.”
- </p>
- <p>
- <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0002" id="linkimage-0002"> </a>
- </p>
- <div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
- <img src="images/0106.jpg" alt="0106m " width="100%" /><br />
- </div>
- <h5>
- <a href="images/0106.jpg"><img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a>
- </h5>
- <p>
- “That's his legend.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “It's just a little ridiculous, isn't it?” said the girl.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Oh, the poor boy is in love!” Mrs. Norris pleaded, in a begging, purring
- tone which said, plainly enough, “Of course you are right, but every boy
- is a fool when he is in love, isn't he?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “So is Richard in love,” I boldly declared for him, “but he isn't on the
- bargain-counter; he isn't damaged, shop-worn, or out of date; he hasn't
- been marked down.”
- </p>
- <p>
- Two pairs of eyes stared at mine with a prying gaze.
- </p>
- <p>
- Gwendolyn leaned forward and grasped my hand.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Who in the world is he in love with?” she asked, eagerly. “Tell me at
- once.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Himself!” Mrs. Norris exclaimed, before I could answer.
- </p>
- <p>
- “No; with Gwendolyn,” I ventured.
- </p>
- <p>
- Both seemed to relax suddenly, and their backs touched the upholstery.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I haven't a doubt of it,” was my firm assertion.
- </p>
- <p>
- The fair maid leaned toward me again.
- </p>
- <p>
- “You misguided man!” she exclaimed. “Why do you think that?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “For many reasons and—<i>one</i>,”
- </p>
- <p>
- “What is the <i>one?</i>” Gwendolyn asked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “That is my last shot, and I am not going to throw it away. It's worth
- something, and if you get it you'll have to pay for it.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “You cruel wretch!” she said, with a stinging slap on my hand. “What then
- are your many reasons?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “They are all in this phrase, 'sundry glances of the eye.'”
- </p>
- <p>
- “How disappointing you are!”
- </p>
- <p>
- “And what a spoiled child you are!” I retorted. “Ever since you began to
- walk you have had about everything that you asked for. The magic lamp of
- Aladdin was in your hands. You had only to wish and to have. Of course you
- don't think that you can keep on doing that. You'll soon see that the best
- things come hard; they have to be earned, and I guess Dick Forbes is one
- of them. He doesn't seem to be looking for money; what he wants is a real
- woman. He can love, and with great tenderness and endurance. He's a
- long-distance lover. His love will keep right along with you to the last.
- He doesn't go around singing about it with a guitar; he doesn't burst the
- dam of his affection to inundate an heiress and swear that all the
- contents of the infinite skies are in his little flood. That kind of thing
- doesn't go down any longer; it's out of date. With us it's gone the way of
- the wig and the crown and the knight and the noisome intrigue and the
- tallow dip and the brush harrow. We know it's mostly mush, twaddle, and
- mendacity. Here in Europe you will still find the brush harrow, the tallow
- dip, and the tallow lover, but not in our land. If you get Richard Forbes
- you'll have to go into training and try to satisfy his ideals, but it will
- be worth while.”
- </p>
- <p>
- The ladies changed color a little and sat with looks of thoughtful
- embarrassment, as if they had on their hands a white elephant whose
- playfulness had both amused and alarmed them. Twice Betsey and Gwendolyn
- had broken into laughter, but Mrs. Norris only smiled and looked
- surprised.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Perhaps you could tell me what his ideals are,” said Gwendolyn.
- </p>
- <p>
- Our arrival at the Borghese galleries saved me. We immediately entered
- them and resumed the study of art. Nothing there interested me so much as
- the busts of the old emperors. What a lot of human shoats they must have
- been! Idleness and overeating had created the imperial type of human
- architecture—eyes set in fat, massive jowls, great necks that seemed
- to rise to the tops of their heads. With them the title business began to
- thrive. It was nothing more or less than a license to prey on other
- people. No wonder that every other man's life was in danger while they
- lived.
- </p>
- <p>
- What modesty was theirs! When a man became emperor he caused a statue of
- himself to be made as father of all the gods. It was probably not so large
- as he felt, but as large as the rocks would allow—only some fifteen
- feet high. It was the beginning of the bust and the portrait craze.
- </p>
- <p>
- We passed from the hall of shoats to the picture-galleries.
- </p>
- <p>
- I have read of what Beaudelaire calls “the beauty disease,” and there is
- no place where the young may be more sure of getting it than in these
- Old-World art-galleries. Gwendolyn and her mother had a mild attack of
- this disease, “this lust of the art faculties which eats up the moral like
- a cancer.” The monstrous excesses of the idle rich are symptoms of its
- progress. In Europe the church, the aristocracy, and the art students have
- caught the fever of it.
- </p>
- <p>
- “How lovely! How tender!” said Gwendolyn, as we stood before the Danaë of
- Correggio.
- </p>
- <p>
- “How lovely! How tenderloin!” I echoed, by way of an antitoxin.
- </p>
- <p>
- Here was a fifteenth-century ideal of female attractiveness radiating an
- utterly morbid sensuality. The picture reeked and groaned with passion.
- </p>
- <p>
- Young men and women from towns and villages in our land who sat
- industriously copying the works of old masters were turning money newly
- made in Zanesville, Keokuk, Cedar Rapids, and like places into weird
- imitations of Correggio, Titian, and Botticelli. Well, I expect that they
- were having a good time, but I would rather see them copying the tints and
- forms of nature near their own doors than worshiping the kings of art,
- which is another form of the title craze.
- </p>
- <p>
- Here we met again the elderly lady with the beautiful feet who had crossed
- on our steamer—Mrs. Fraley from Terre Haute. She presented Betsey
- and me to Miss Muriel Fraley, her grandniece, a good-looking miss of about
- twenty-three, who was copying the Danaë. Mrs. Fraley had found new and
- delightful astonishments in Italy, the chief of which was this
- Europeanized niece. She drew me aside and whispered:
- </p>
- <p>
- “She is a lovely child! Just notice the aristocratic pose of her head.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I allowed that I could see it, for I had to, and ran my mental hand into
- the grab-bag for something to say and pulled out:
- </p>
- <p>
- “I like that blond hair—of—hers.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I observed, as the girl looked up, that her cheeks were just a bit too red
- and that her eyes had been slightly emphasized. They did not need it,
- either, for they were capital eyes to start with.
- </p>
- <p>
- “And she is as good as she is beautiful,” the old lady went on, in a low
- tone of strict confidence. “And, you know, since she came here a real
- count has made love to her.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “A count!” I exclaimed.
- </p>
- <p>
- There was a touch of awe in her tone as she said, “Belongs to one of the
- oldest families in Italy!”
- </p>
- <p>
- I cleared my throat and thought of death and funerals and comic
- supplements and such mournful things for safety.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I want you to meet him at dinner,” the good soul went on. “Where are you
- stopping?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “At the Grand Hotel.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “We are near there, at the Pension Pirroni. You and Mrs. Potter must dine
- with us.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I gradually separated myself from Mrs. Fraley and hastened to join my
- friends. I found them with startled looks in a group of the ancient marble
- gods and others who lived before the invention of trousers.
- </p>
- <p>
- “If I were to assume the license of Hercules and stand up here on a
- pedestal, what do you suppose they'd do to me?” I whispered to Betsey.
- </p>
- <p>
- “You're no work of art!” said she.
- </p>
- <p>
- “No, I'm a man, and better than any imitation of a man, for when a lady
- came into the room I should jump down and hide in some sarcophagus.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I left them with the poetic cattle of Olympus and went on and asked them
- to look for me at the door. I lingered awhile with the lovely figures of
- Canova and Bernini, and was glad at last to get out of the chilly
- atmosphere of the gallery.
- </p>
- <p>
- I found the count at the door. He approached me and said, in broken
- English:
- </p>
- <p>
- “The ladies, I suppose, they are yet inside now.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I saw my chance and took advantage of it.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Why do you follow them?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Because I have the hope for good devil-<i>op</i>-ments.”
- </p>
- <p>
- His “devil-<i>op</i>-ments” amused me, and I could not help laughing.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Ah, Signore, I have very much troubley in my harrit,” he added.
- </p>
- <p>
- “And you will have trouble in other parts of your system if you do not go
- away,” I said. “If you follow these ladies again I shall ask the police to
- protect us. If they cannot keep you away I shall injure you in some
- manner, or hire a boy to do it.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “What! You cannot achieve it!” he answered, in some heat. “You have given
- me the insults. I shall implore my friend to call on you.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Send him along,” I said, as he hurried away.
- </p>
- <p>
- The ladies came out presently, and I observed that Gwendolyn and her
- mother seemed to miss the count.
- </p>
- <p>
- “He's discouraged, poor thing!” said Mrs. Norris, as we drove away.
- </p>
- <p>
- <br /><br />
- </p>
- <hr />
- <p>
- <a name="link2H_4_0009" id="link2H_4_0009"> </a>
- </p>
- <div style="height: 4em;">
- <br /><br /><br /><br />
- </div>
- <h2>
- VIII.—I AGREE TO FIGHT A DUEL AND NAME A WEAPON WITH WHICH EUROPEAN
- GENTLEMEN ARE UNFAMILIAR
- </h2>
- <p class="pfirst">
- <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>HE count's friend
- called to see me that evening, as I expected. He was a very good-looking
- young fellow who had more humor and better English than the count. He was
- a Frenchman of the name of Vincent Aristide de Langueville. Betsey had
- gone to the opera with Mrs. Norris and Gwendolyn. I was alone.
- </p>
- <p>
- “For my friend, the Count Carola, I have the honor to ask you to name the
- day and the weapons,” he said, with politeness, before he had sat down.
- </p>
- <p>
- Now I was in for it. After all, I thought for traveling with an heiress in
- this country one needs a suit of armor.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I'm a born fighter,” I said, “but almost always my weapons have been
- words. They are the only weapons with which I am thoroughly familiar. I
- propose that we have a talking-match. Put us, say, ten paces apart and
- light the fuse and get back out of the way while we explode. We'll load
- the guns with Italian, if he prefers it, and I'll give him the first shot.
- After ten minutes you can carry him off the field. He'll be severely
- wounded, but it won't hurt him any.”
- </p>
- <p>
- Vincent Aristide de Langueville laughed a little and said:
- </p>
- <p>
- “But, my dear sir, this is not one joke. We desire the satisfaction.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “And I will guarantee it,” was my answer.
- </p>
- <p>
- “But, sir, we must have the fight until the blood comes.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Ah, you are looking for blood also,” I said. “Well, I have thought of
- another weapon which once upon a time I could handle with some skill.
- Let's have a duel with pitchforks.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Pitchforks! What is it?” he asked. “I do not understand.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “It's a favorite weapon in New England. My great-grandfather fought the
- Indians and the British with it, and it was one of the weapons with which
- I fought against poverty when I was a boy. It's a great blood-letter. I
- used to kill coons and hedgehogs with the pitchfork.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Please tell me what it is. What is it?” he pleaded.
- </p>
- <p>
- With my pencil I drew a picture of it and said: “This handle is about five
- feet in length and very strong. These three prongs are of steel and curved
- a little and long enough to go through the abdomen of the most prosperous
- mayor in France.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “My God! It is the devil's weapon!” he exclaimed.
- </p>
- <p>
- “You may report to him that the American pitchfork is the 'devil-<i>op</i>-ment'
- of our interview, and I shall name the day and hour as soon as I can get
- hold of the weapon.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I shall tell my friend, and, please, may I take the picture with me?”
- said Vincent.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Certainly, and you may say to him that I shall cable for the forks
- to-night, and that as soon as they arrive I shall appoint the day and
- hour.”
- </p>
- <p>
- He gave me his card.
- </p>
- <p>
- “You live here in Rome?” I asked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I do.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Do you work for a living?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I am a sculptor.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I have often thought that I should like to see a sculptor. Sit down till
- I get you framed and hung in my portrait-gallery.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I must go,” said he. “Perhaps you will do me the honor to call.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I agreed to do so, just to show that I entertained no grudge, and with
- that he left me.
- </p>
- <p>
- Before going to bed that night I cabled to my secretary as follows:
- </p>
- <p>
- “Ship to me immediately four well-made American pitchforks, three tines
- each.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I said nothing to Betsey of the proposed duel, but broke the news that I
- had met a great sculptor, and she wanted to see his studio, and next day
- we called there. Mrs. Mullet was sitting for a bust, in her dinner gown.
- Before we had had time to recognize the lady the artist had introduced her
- as the Madame Mullette, from Sioux City.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Isn't this an adorable place?” she asked in that lyrical tone which one
- hears so often in the Italian capital. She pointed at busts of several
- Americans standing on pedestals and awaiting delivery.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Look at the whiskers embalmed in marble!” Betsey exclaimed, as she gazed
- at one of the busts. It had that familiar chin tuft of the Zimmermann
- hay-seed and a dish collar and string tie. The face wore the brave,
- defiant, me-against-the-world look that I had observed in the statue of
- Titus, made after he had turned Palestine into a slaughter-house.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Why, that is our old friend from Prairie du Chien who came over on the <i>Toltec</i>,”
- I said. “You remember the man who is studying the history of the world,
- all about the life of the world, especially the life of the ancients?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Yes, indeed,” said Betsey.
- </p>
- <p>
- “He is one lumber king, and one very rich man,” the artist remarked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “You are spending some time here in Rome,” I said to Mrs. Mullet.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Oh, I am devoted to the Eternal City!” she exclaimed, and how she loved
- the sound of that musty old phrase “Eternal City”! She added, “I have been
- here four times, and I love every inch of it.”
- </p>
- <p>
- The sculptor resumed his work with a new sitter, while Mrs. Mullet went
- with us from end to end of the great studio and whispered at the first
- opportunity:
- </p>
- <p>
- “De Langueville is a wonderful man; he is a baron in his own country. If
- you want a bust he will let you pay for it in instalments. Five hundred
- dollars down and the remainder within three years.”
- </p>
- <p>
- The hectic flush of art for Heaven's sake was in her face.
- </p>
- <p>
- “A bust is a good thing,” I said. “I have often dreamed of having one.
- There are times when I feel as if I couldn't live without it. If I had a
- bust where I could look at it every day I suppose it would take some of
- the conceit out of me. When I had stood it as long as possible I could tie
- a rope around its neck and use it for an anchor on my rowboat.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Perhaps it would scare the fish,” said Betsey.
- </p>
- <p>
- “In that case I could use it to hold down the pork in the brine of the
- family barrel,” I suggested.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Oh, I think that you would sculp beautifully,” said Mrs. Mullet, in a
- tone of encouragement, as she looked at my head. Then, by way of changing
- the subject, she added, “I believe that Colonel Wilton is a friend of
- yours.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Colonel Wilton!” I said, puzzling over the name with its new title. Even
- the American gentlemen enjoy titles.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Don't you remember meeting us in Saint Paul's? And didn't you trade hats
- and coats with him in New York?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “No, he traded with me,” I said. “I know him like a book.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Is he not a friend of yours?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “It would be truer to say that I am a friend of his.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I was on dangerous ground and thinking hard through all this.
- </p>
- <p>
- “But he knows Mr. Norris very well. I believe they are great friends.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “You may believe it, but I don't,” I answered, rather gravely.
- </p>
- <p>
- I had to decide what to do, and quickly. I had not forgotten my promise to
- let Muggs alone, and it was of course the safer thing to do—just to
- let him alone. But he had gone too far in expecting me to furnish him a
- character.
- </p>
- <p>
- Mrs. Mullet began to change color, and that led me to ask:
- </p>
- <p>
- “Is Wilton a friend of yours?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “We are engaged,” said she.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Good heavens!” I exclaimed.
- </p>
- <p>
- I had heard that Mrs. Mullet had money, and she was good game for the neat
- Mr. Wilton. Now I could see his reason for letting us alone in Italy,
- where he was four thousand miles from danger. I saw, too, that I must take
- a course which would inevitably expose us to more trouble, for I could not
- permit this simple woman to be wronged.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Don't give him the source of your information,” I said. “I want to speak
- kindly, and so I shall only say that he's a fugitive from justice. The
- name Wilton is assumed.”
- </p>
- <p>
- Mrs. Mullet fell into a chair and seemed to find it hard work to breathe.
- Betsey put her smelling-salts under the lady's nose. She quickly regained
- her self-possession and rose and said, in a trembling voice:
- </p>
- <p>
- “Thank you! I am going home.”
- </p>
- <p>
- She left, and again we paid our compliments to the artist, who politely
- left his work to speak with us. He asked me for information regarding
- certain Americans who owed him for busts. An actress had had herself put,
- life-size and nude, into white marble, and after making her first payment
- was maintaining a discreet silence in some part of the world unknown to
- the artist.
- </p>
- <p>
- “How coy!” Betsey exclaimed as she looked at the marble figure.
- </p>
- <p>
- A Brooklyn woman and her two daughters had sat for busts and then had
- weakened on the general proposition and abandoned the country when they
- were half finished. I made haste to depart for fear that he might wish to
- engage me as collector for his bust factory.
- </p>
- <p>
- Just beyond the door we met a young man who had come over on the boat with
- us, and stopped for a word with him. I was telling him that I was going to
- see the Pantheon that afternoon, when Muggs greeted me.
- </p>
- <p>
- “It's a wonderful ruin,” he remarked with a smile.
- </p>
- <p>
- I made no answer, and he entered the studio, probably to meet Mrs. Mullet.
- He would get his dismissal soon. Then what?
- </p>
- <p>
- <br /><br />
- </p>
- <hr />
- <p>
- <a name="link2H_4_0010" id="link2H_4_0010"> </a>
- </p>
- <div style="height: 4em;">
- <br /><br /><br /><br />
- </div>
- <h2>
- IX.—A MODERN AMERICAN MARRYER ENTERS THE SCENE
- </h2>
- <p class="pfirst">
- <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span> HAVE read that
- there are no fairies in Italy, but I know better. Italy is full of them,
- and they are the most light-footed, friendly, impartial, democratic
- fairies in the world. They are liable to make friends with anybody. Like
- many Italians, they seem to live mostly on the foreign population. A
- number of them adopted me for a residence. Sometimes, when they were
- playful, they made me feel like a winter resort. They used to enjoy
- tobogganing down the slopes of my shoulders and digging their toes in the
- snow; they held games here and there on my person, which seemed to be well
- attended. I got a glimpse of one of them now and then, and we became
- acquainted with each other; and, while he was very shy, I am sure that he
- knew and liked me. I called him Oberon. He and his kin did me a great
- service, for they taught me why people move their arms and shrug their
- shoulders so much in Italy. Then, too, I always had company wherever I
- happened to be.
- </p>
- <p>
- So when Betsey and the Norris ladies implored me to go with them to Mrs.
- Dorsey's palace and hear a prince lecture, I reported that I was engaged
- to play with the fairies, whereupon they concluded that I wanted the time
- for meditation and left me out of their plans. So it happened that I was,
- fortunately, alone with Norris when Forbes arrived, a full day ahead of
- his schedule.
- </p>
- <p>
- The boy and I went out for a walk together. Before sailing he had spent
- two weeks coaching the ball-team of his college and was in fine form. His
- kindly blue eyes glowed with vitality and his skin was browned by the
- sunlight. As I looked at that tall, straight column of bone and muscle,
- with its broad shoulders and handsome head, I could not help saying: “If
- you were standing on a pedestal here in Rome there'd be a lot of gals in
- the gallery.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Before you say things like that you should teach me how to answer them
- with wit and modesty,” he said.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Keep your eye on me and you'll learn all the arts of modesty,” I assured
- him. “And especially you will learn how to disarm suspicion when you are
- accused of wit.”
- </p>
- <p>
- In a shaded walk of the Pincio Gardens he asked, “Is Gwendolyn looking
- well?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “She's more beautiful than ever, and very well,” I said. “She will be
- disappointed when she finds you here.”
- </p>
- <p>
- He stopped and faced me with a look of surprise, and asked:
- </p>
- <p>
- “Do you think so?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I am sure of it, because she had planned to meet you with proper ceremony
- at the station and take you off to a real Roman luncheon. I am glad that
- you have come, for I have worked hard as your attorney and need a rest. I
- have had some fun with it, but I am delighted to turn the case over to
- you.”
- </p>
- <p>
- He did not need a chart to understand me, for he said:
- </p>
- <p>
- “You must tell me what progress you have made with it.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Well, I suppose you have read of the Count Carola.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Yes, and so has every one who knows Gwendolyn.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “He is the plaintiff who seeks to establish the claim that he is a better
- man than you are. My defense has been so able that he has challenged me,
- and I have named the weapons; they are to be pitchforks—American
- pitchforks.”
- </p>
- <p>
- Forbes laughed and remarked:
- </p>
- <p>
- “You must take him for a bunch of hay.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “June grass!” I answered. “We'll need some one to rake after, as we used
- to say on the farm, and I may ask you to be my second.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Does the count amount to much?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Not much; I have had him added up and his total properly audited.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “How are the judge and jury?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “The judge is in our favor; the jury is in doubt. Gwendolyn insists that
- you don't want to marry any one at present.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I want to, but I probably shall not,” he answered. “When I marry I want
- to have done something besides having just lived. It seems as if it were
- due my wife. Besides, when I get married I want to stay married; I don't
- want any girl to marry <i>me</i> and give her heart to some other fellow.
- She must have time to be sure of one thing—that I am the right man.
- That cannot be proven with passionate vows or bouquets or guitar music,
- but only by sufficient acquaintance. On the other hand, I'd like to know,
- or think I know, that she is the right girl. If Gwendolyn really wants to
- marry a count it would be silly for me to try to convince her that I am
- the better fellow. She must see that for herself. If she doesn't, I should
- assume that she was right. God knows that I'm not so stuck on myself as to
- question her judgment. I'm very fond of her, but I have never let her
- suspect it.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “If I were you I'd begin to arouse her suspicions.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “That I propose to do, but delicately and without any guitar music. Love
- is a very sacred thing to me.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “And the man who talks much about his love generally hasn't any,” I
- suggested.
- </p>
- <p>
- “At least, if he has any love in him the cheapest way of showing it is by
- talk and song.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “It's so awful easy to make words lie,” I agreed.
- </p>
- <p>
- “If she wants me to enter a lying-match with these Romeos I'll agree, but
- only on condition that it's a lying-match—that we're only playing a
- game. I won't try to deceive her. Women are not fools or playthings any
- longer, are they?
- </p>
- <p>
- “Generally not, if they're born in America,” I agreed.
- </p>
- <p>
- Here was the modem American lover, and I must acknowledge that I fell in
- love with him. He stood for honest loving—a new type of chivalry—and
- against the lying, romantic twaddle which had come down from the feudal
- world. That kind of thing had been a proper accessory of courts and
- concubines. It would not do for America.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I see that I am putting the case in good hands. Go in and win it,” I
- said.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I'll make it my business while I'm here,” said he.
- </p>
- <p>
- “You're a born business man. I know it's fashionable to hate the word
- 'business,' but I like it. In love it looks for dividends of happiness.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “And I've observed that a home has got to pay or go out of business,” said
- he. “If Gwendolyn would put up with me I believe we could stand together
- to the end of the game.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I have some reason for saying that she is very fond of you,” I declared.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I wouldn't dare ask you to explain, but you tempt me,” he said.
- </p>
- <p>
- “A good-attorney never tells all he knows unless he is writing a book,” I
- answered.
- </p>
- <p>
- We had come to the Spanish Stairs, where converging ways poured a thin,
- noisy fall of tourists and guide-books into the street below. I had seen
- the Stairs in my youth.
- </p>
- <p>
- <br />
- </p>
- <p class="indent15">
- And I thought how many thousands
- </p>
- <p class="indent20">
- Of awe-encumbered men,
- </p>
- <p class="indent15">
- Each bearing his Hare and Baedeker,
- </p>
- <p class="indent20">
- Had passed the Stairs since then.
- </p>
- <p>
- <br />
- </p>
- <p>
- We made our way through crowded thoroughfares to the Pantheon and were in
- the thicket of vast columns when some one touched my arm. Who was this man
- with a blue monocle over his right eye, whose look was so familiar? Ah, to
- be sure, it was Muggs.
- </p>
- <p>
- <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0003" id="linkimage-0003"> </a>
- </p>
- <div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
- <img src="images/0133.jpg" alt="0133m " width="100%" /><br />
- </div>
- <h5>
- <a href="images/0133.jpg"><img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a>
- </h5>
- <p>
- Again his mustache had disappeared, as had my hat and coat and the old
- suit of clothes, and how that blue monocle and the new attire and the
- smooth upper lip had changed the whole effect of Muggs! Evidently the man
- was prosperous and entering a new career. How does it happen that he has
- come in my way again, I asked myself, and then I remembered that he knew
- that I was to be there. What was I to expect now?—violence or——
- </p>
- <p>
- He smiled.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Charming day, isn't it?” he said, in his most agreeable tone.
- </p>
- <p>
- He had neatly and deliberately removed his monocle as he spoke.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Very! I suppose that stained-glass window of yours is a memorial to
- Wilton?”
- </p>
- <p>
- He only smiled.
- </p>
- <p>
- “As a European you're a great success,” I went on.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Beginning a new life from the ground up,” said he, and added, with a
- glance at the great bronze doors, “Isn't this a wonderful place?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Yes, it was intended for a mammoth safe where reputations could be stored
- and embellished and kept, but it didn't work.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “They cracked it and got away with the reputations,” said he, with a
- smile.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Exactly! In my opinion every man should have his own private pantheon,
- and see that his reputation is as strong as the safe. It's the discrepancy
- that's dangerous. People won't allow a reputation to stay where it does
- not belong.”
- </p>
- <p>
- He stepped closer and said, in a confidential tone, “I'm trying to improve
- mine, and I wish you would help me.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “How?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Come to a little dinner that I am giving and say a good word for me when
- you can.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Are you trying to marry Mrs. Mullet?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Yes, I've fallen in love, and, as God's my witness, I'm living honest.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Muggs, I'll help you to get a reputation, but I won't help you to get a
- wife,” I said. “You must get the reputation first, and it will take you a
- long time. You'll have to try to pay back the money you've taken and keep
- it up long enough to prove your good faith.”
- </p>
- <p>
- Muggs's plan was quite apparent. He wanted an all-around treaty of peace.
- He was still levying blackmail; the thing he demanded was not cash, but a
- character.
- </p>
- <p>
- “That's exactly what I hope to do,” he explained. “I shall have all kinds
- of money, and I propose to square every account.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “That's all right, provided Mrs. Mullet knows the whole plan and is
- willing to undertake the responsibility.”
- </p>
- <p>
- He looked into my eyes, and said clearly in his smile: “You're the worst
- ass of a lawyer that I ever saw in my life. I've tried to be decent, and
- you've wiped your boots on me. Wait and see what happens now.”
- </p>
- <p>
- All that seemed to be in his smile, but not a word of it passed his lips.
- He neatly adjusted the blue monocle and lifted his hat and said “Good
- afternoon,” and walked away.
- </p>
- <p>
- I, too, had my smile, for I could not help thinking how this biter was
- being bitten, and how his old friends, the ghosts of the past, were now
- bearing down upon <i>him</i>.
- </p>
- <p>
- We tramped to St. Peters, where squads of tourists seemed to be reading
- prayers out of red prayer-books and where a learned judge from Seattle,
- who had lost his pocket-book in a crowd near the statue of St. Peter, was
- delivering impassioned and highly prejudiced views of church and state to
- the members of his party.
- </p>
- <p>
- We lunched at Latour's, where a long and limber-looking blond lady, who
- sat beside a Pomeranian poodle with a napkin tucked under his collar,
- consumed six cups of coffee and a foot and a half of cigarettes while we
- were eating. She was one of the most engaging ruins of the feudal world.
- What a theme for an artist was in the painted face and the sign of the
- dog! The head waiter told us that she was an American who had been
- studying art in Italy for years.
- </p>
- <p>
- She ought to be mentioned in the guidebooks, I thought, as we were
- leaving.
- </p>
- <p>
- We tramped miles to an old barracks of a building called the Cancellaria,
- which, according to Baedeker, was clothed in “majestic simplicity.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Baedeker is the Barnum of Europe,” I said, as we went on, “but he is
- generally more conservative.”
- </p>
- <p>
- We arrived at the Grand Hotel a little before six. I went with Forbes to
- the Norris's apartments. Gwendolyn opened the door for us and greeted the
- young man with enthusiasm and led him to the parlor. Betsey was there, and
- we went at once to our own room.
- </p>
- <p>
- “There's a new count in the game,” she remarked, as soon as we had sat
- down together—“the Count Raspagnetti, whom we met to-day at Mrs.
- Dorsey's. He's the grandest thing in Rome—six feet tall, with a
- monocle and a black beard, and is very good-looking. He's no
- down-at-the-heel aristocrat, either; has quite a fortune and two palaces
- in good repair, and has passed the guitar-and-balcony stage. He's about
- thirty-two, and seems to be very nice and sensible. Mrs. Dorsey calls him
- the dearest man in the world, and she has invited us to dinner to meet him
- again. It was a dead set for Gwendolyn, and the child was deeply
- impressed. It isn't surprising; these Italian men are most fascinating.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I suppose so,” I said, wearily. “The countless counts of Italy are
- getting on my nerves. Counts are a kind of bug that gets into the brains
- of women and feeds there until their heads are as empty as a worm-eaten
- chestnut.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Not at all,” said Betsey; “but if she must have a title—”
- </p>
- <p>
- “She mustn't,” I said.
- </p>
- <p>
- “You can't stop her.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “That remains to be seen,” was my answer.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Richard had better get a move on him,” said Betsey. “He can't dally along
- as you did.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Let him get his breath—he's only just landed.”
- </p>
- <p>
- According to my custom I dined with Norris in his suite. Forbes went with
- the ladies to the dining-room.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Aren't you about ready to go back?” I asked, as I thought of Muggs's
- smile.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I should like to,” he said, “but the girls are having the time of their
- lives, and this air is making a new man of me. Then the young count seems
- to have let go; he doesn't annoy us any more. I'm hoping that Forbes will
- settle this count business.”
- </p>
- <p>
- While we were eating a telegram was put in my hands which read as follows:
- </p>
- <p>
- <i>I am stopping at the Bristol in Florence and must have your
- professional advice immediately.</i>
- </p>
- <p>
- <i>I cannot go to Rome, so will you kindly come here.</i>
- </p>
- <p>
- <i>I am in serious trouble. If I am not at hotel look for me third
- corridor of paintings, Uffizi Gallery. Please regard this as strictly
- confidential. M. Mullet.</i>
- </p>
- <p>
- I answered that she should look for me the next day, and said to Norris:
- </p>
- <p>
- “I have to go to Florence to-morrow.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Take the car and your wife and the young people,” said he. “The roads are
- fine, and you'll enjoy it.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I thanked him for the suggestion.
- </p>
- <p>
- “There's one other thing,” said he. “If you think Forbes means business
- tell him at the first opportunity that I am an ex-convict, and let me know
- how he takes it. We must be fair to him.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Leave it to me.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “We'll take them down to Naples with the motor-car soon,” said Norris.
- “Vesuvius is active again, and we must see her in eruption.” He did not
- suspect that another Vesuvius was beginning to quake beneath us, and I did
- not have the heart to speak of it. I hoped that I could serve as a
- shock-absorber in the new eruption and save him any worry.
- </p>
- <p>
- <br /><br />
- </p>
- <hr />
- <p>
- <a name="link2H_4_0011" id="link2H_4_0011"> </a>
- </p>
- <div style="height: 4em;">
- <br /><br /><br /><br />
- </div>
- <h2>
- X.—A DAY OF ADVENTURES WITH TUSCAN ARTISTS AND OTHERS
- </h2>
- <p class="pfirst">
- <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">N</span>EXT morning I
- found Betsey and the young people eager for the trip to Florence. Richard
- and I had breakfast together at eight-thirty.
- </p>
- <p>
- “There's a new count in the game,” said he, as soon as we were seated
- together. “He came to our table last evening. He's a grand chap and in
- favor with the king, to whom he is going to present Gwendolyn and her
- mother. He knows how to talk to women, and I don't. I shall not be in it
- with him.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “As to which is the best man it's her judgment, not yours, that's
- important,” I said. “So long as I am managing the case you must take
- nothing for granted. Put her on the witness-stand, and let's know what she
- has to say about it. Before that I must tell ye something—in
- confidence. Norris is about the best fellow that I ever knew, but he got
- into trouble when he was a boy. He was the victim of circumstances and
- went to prison—served a year.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I heard of that long ago,” said Forbes.
- </p>
- <p>
- “What!” I exclaimed, in astonishment.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Nobody cares anything about that. Everybody knows that he's a good man
- now—that is enough in America.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Do many know it?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Probably not. I have heard that even Gwendolyn and her mother do not know
- it.”
- </p>
- <p>
- It surprised and in a way it pleased me to learn that I had told him what
- he already knew. I remembered that he had said, in his walk with me, that
- the distinguished editor who had got the tragic story from my lips was an
- uncle of his. So, after all, it was not strange that he should know.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I presume that he had a wild youth, but he's a good man,” Forbes added.
- </p>
- <p>
- That was all we said about it.
- </p>
- <p>
- Our drive, which began at midday, took us through the loveliest vineyards
- in Italy. I shall never forget the vivid-green valley of the Arno as it
- looked that day. Lace-like vines spreading over the cresset tops of the
- olives and between them and filling the air with color; stately poplar
- rows and dark spires of cypress; distant purple mountain walls and white
- palaces on misty heights—they were some of the items. Here in these
- vineyards, and in others like them, are about the best tillers in the
- world—a simple, honest, beauty-loving people who are the soul of
- Italy, and, in the main, no country has a better asset.
- </p>
- <p>
- On the road we met the Litchmans, of Chicago, touring with their
- yelling-machine and a special car trailing behind them filled with clothes
- and millinery.
- </p>
- <p>
- That night we dined together and went to the opera. It was all Greek to
- me, but it was great! They woke me at one, and we went home. Next morning,
- having learned that Mrs. Mullet was not at her hotel, we all proceeded to
- the vast Uffizi Gallery. Grand place!
- </p>
- <p>
- What a wonderful procession these people in marble and paint see every day
- in the parade of weary pilgrims, in the moving mosaic of humanity. What a
- Babel of tongues, all speaking Baedeker! I wonder if the gods, emperors,
- and painted masterpieces fully appreciate this endless human caravan. It
- is far more wonderful than they. Who are these people? Ask any of them,
- and he will be apt to tell you that the rest are fools; that almost every
- one of them is looking for conversational thunder and—knockers!
- </p>
- <p>
- Some hurry.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Two more galleries to see, and the train goes at five,” you hear one of
- them saying.
- </p>
- <p>
- I was nearly bowled over and trampled upon by three German women who had
- lost their party.
- </p>
- <p>
- Once these marble floors were almost exclusively the highway of the
- highbrows. Now the sacred children of the imagination are being introduced
- to a new crowd. Newness is its chief characteristic. Here are the
- overgrown multitude of the newly rich, the truly rich, and the untruly
- rich. Here are the newly married, the unmarried, the over-married, and the
- slightly married, and the well-married from all lands, some of them new
- recruits in the great army of art.
- </p>
- <p>
- We passed through the Hall of the Ancient Imperial Shoats into the long
- corridor filled with statuary.
- </p>
- <p>
- “The old gods seem to have had desperate battles before they gave up,”
- Betsey said to me. “Most of them lost either an arm or a leg in the war.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Many were beheaded and chucked into the garbage-barrels,” I answered.
- “The way Jupiter and Minerva were beaten up was a caution. It wasn't
- right; it wasn't decent. They were a harmless, inoffensive lot; they had
- never done anything to anybody. A lot of things were laid at their doors,
- but nothing was ever proved against 'em. These days we know enough to
- appreciate harmlessness.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “They were very beautiful,” said Betsey, “but they're a crippled lot now.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Yes, most of them have artificial limbs,” I answered. “All they do now is
- to pose in vaudeville for the entertainment of humanity.” As we neared the
- room where I was to meet Mrs. Mullet we bade the young people go their way
- and look for us at the door about twelve-thirty.
- </p>
- <p>
- We found the lady copying the portraits of our first parents. Her breast
- began to heave in a storm of emotion as she looked at us.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Who are your friends?” I quickly asked, by way of diverting her thought.
- </p>
- <p>
- “This is Adam and Eve,” said she, almost tearfully.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I'm glad to see that they don't make company of us,” Betsey declared.
- </p>
- <p>
- “They receive everybody in that same suit of clothes,” I answered. “And
- Eve's entertainment is so simple—apples right off the tree!”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I don't see but that they look just as aristocratic as they would if they
- had sprung from poor but respectable parents,” said Betsey.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Adam looks like a rather shiftless, good-natured young fellow, easily
- led, but, on the whole, I like them both,” was my answer. “They're frank
- and open and aboveboard. If you're looking for your first ancestors and
- must have them, I don't think you could do better. Certainly Mr. Darwin
- has nothing to offer that compares with them.”
- </p>
- <p>
- Betsey and I had our little dialogues about many objects in our way, and
- now we had got Mrs. Mullet righted, so to speak, and on a firm working
- basis. She showed us through the gallery. I remember that she was
- particularly interested in the Botticelli paintings.
- </p>
- <p>
- Mrs. Mullet said that she adored the Madonna—a case of compound
- adoration, for in its adoring group Botticelli succeeded in painting the
- most inhuman piety that the world has seen.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Isn't that glorious?” Mrs. Mullet asked, as we stopped before his Venus—a
- tall lady standing on half a cockle-shell, neatly poised on breezy water.
- </p>
- <p>
- “She has crooked feet,” said Betsey.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Well, I guess yours would be crooked if you had been to sea on a
- cockle-shell,” I said, which will prove to the learned reader that we were
- about as ignorant of art as any in that hurrying crowd of misguided
- people.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Oh, I think it's a wonderful thing! Look at the colors!” Mrs. Mullet
- exclaimed.
- </p>
- <p>
- “But the toes are so long—they are rippling toes. Those on the right
- foot look as if they had just finished a difficult run on the piano,”
- Betsey insisted.
- </p>
- <p>
- “She might be called the Long-toed Venus,” I suggested. “But she isn't to
- blame for that. I suppose she was born with that infirmity.”
- </p>
- <p>
- So we crude and business-like Americans went on, as we flitted here and
- there, sipping the honey from each flower of art.
- </p>
- <p>
- Twelve-thirty had arrived, and I suggested to Betsey that she should meet
- the young people and go with them wherever they pleased, and that they
- could find me at the hotel at four. She left us, and I asked Mrs. Mullet
- what I could do for her.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I'm in perfectly awful trouble,” she sighed, with rising tears.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Tell me all about it,” I said. “But please do not weep, or people will
- wonder what this cruel old man has been doing to you.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “That man insisted that I should have my bust made and my portrait painted
- and agreed to pay for them, but now of course I shall have to pay for them
- myself. He has threatened to sue me for a hundred thousand dollars for
- breach of promise. It will take more than half my property.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Don't worry about the suit,” I said. “I'll agree to save you any cost in
- that matter. As to the bust, you can use it for a milestone in your
- history. The painting will show you how you looked when you were—not
- as wise as you are now. You can look at it and take warning.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I couldn't bear to look at them. I feel as if I never wanted to see
- myself again. I have written to everybody at home about this engagement.
- It's just perfectly dreadful!” Again she was near breaking down.
- </p>
- <p>
- “You ought to be glad—not sorrowful,” I said. “That man can't even
- play a guitar. If he had a title or a fortune we wouldn't mind his being a
- scamp, but he hasn't. He hasn't even a coat of arms.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “There! I'm not going to cry, after all,” she declared, as she wiped her
- eyes. “I'm glad you've kept me from breaking down.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I wonder that you didn't wait until you knew him better before making
- this engagement,” I said.
- </p>
- <p>
- “But he was so gentlemanly and nice,” she went on; “and Mr. Pike, the
- lumber king from Michigan, introduced him to me and said that he had known
- him a long time. Then the colonel is acquainted with counts and barons and
- other grand people. He claimed to be an old friend of yours and of Mr.
- Norris. He said that the last time he called on you he went away with your
- hat by mistake, and showed me your initials in the one he wore.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “He often associates with property of a questionable character, but I was
- not aware that he had got in with the counts and barons,” I said.
- </p>
- <p>
- “He knows the Count Carola very well,” she declared.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Leave them to each other—they deserve it,” I said. “Return to Rome
- and refer Wilton to me, and refuse to have anything more to do with him.”
- </p>
- <p>
- She asked for my bill, but I assured her that dollars were too small for
- such a service, and that I couldn't think of accepting anything less than
- thanks in a case of that kind.
- </p>
- <p>
- I left her and got a bite to eat and went to our hotel at three-thirty.
- Betsey was waiting for me at the door. She was pale and excited.
- </p>
- <p>
- “We've had a dreadful time,” said she. “Gwendolyn and I had gone on while
- Richard was paying our bill in a shop. Suddenly a young man came and spoke
- to Gwendolyn. Richard saw it. In a second I heard a horrible thump and saw
- the young Italian lying in the mud. He didn't try to get up. Looked as if
- he was sleeping.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “It's bad weather for Romeoing,” I answered. “That count should have
- waited till the streets were dry. Where are they?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Gwendolyn is in the parlor. Richard said that we should look for him on
- the road and took a fiacre and flew. The girl is frightened.”
- </p>
- <p>
- Betsey brought her out, and we got into the car and sped away.
- </p>
- <p>
- “One more count!” I exclaimed, with a laugh.
- </p>
- <p>
- “One less count!” said Gwendolyn. “I'm sure he's dead.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Ladies have limited rights outside the house in Italy,” I said.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I don't mind those silly men,” said Gwendolyn. “I've been spoken to like
- that a dozen times, but I hurry along and pretend that I do not hear
- them.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “That count will be careful after this,” I suggested.
- </p>
- <p>
- “If he lives,” said Gwendolyn. “I'm afraid that his head is cracked.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “His head was cracked long ago,” was my answer.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Uncle Soc,” said Gwendolyn (she had begun to call me Uncle Soc there in
- Italy), “Richard and Italy could never get along together.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Richard, Gwendolyn, and America are a better combination,” I suggested.
- </p>
- <p>
- “What a pretty thought!” she exclaimed, just as we overtook the young man
- about a mile out on the highway to Rome.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Get in here and behave yourself,” I said. “You've had exercise enough.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I could stand more, if necessary,” he answered, with a laugh, as he sat
- down with us.
- </p>
- <p>
- That ride to Rome was one of the merriest, in my life. For the young
- people it had been a day of joy and progress, but on the whole it hadn't
- been a highly creditable day. So let's drop the curtain right here and let
- it go into history.
- </p>
- <p>
- <br /><br />
- </p>
- <hr />
- <p>
- <a name="link2H_4_0012" id="link2H_4_0012"> </a>
- </p>
- <div style="height: 4em;">
- <br /><br /><br /><br />
- </div>
- <h2>
- XI.—IN WHICH WE GET INTO THE FLASH AND GLITTER OF HIGH LIFE
- </h2>
- <p class="pfirst">
- <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">N</span>EXT evening Betsey
- and I went to dinner with Mrs. Moses Fraley, of Terre Haute, at a
- fashionable hotel. There we saw a show-window in one of the greatest
- matrimonial department stores in Europe. Buyers and sellers and bought and
- sold were there in full force to inspect the bargains, and we were able to
- note reliably the undertone of the market; and our observations had some
- effect, I believe, on the fortunes of Miss Norris.
- </p>
- <p>
- Nothing was said of “the count” in our invitation, but we hoped to have at
- least a look at him. We put on our best clothes, and our plain,
- agricultural natures were well disguised when the impressive head porter
- at our destination helped us out of Norris's car and almost touched his
- forehead on the pavement at sight of us. That bow was easily worth a
- two-franc piece, and he got it.
- </p>
- <p>
- “The Yank and his franc are easily parted,” Betsey remarked, as we entered
- the great whirling door.
- </p>
- <p>
- We were in the game, and I was firmly resolved to keep pace with our
- compatriots from Terre Haute for one evening, anyhow. Two more
- double-franc pieces in the coat-room established my reputation. With a
- good suit of clothes and the sudden expenditure of two dollars and a half
- you can acquire a reputation in any European hotel. Reputations are the
- cheapest things in Europe, but the costs for upkeep are considerable.
- Every young man in the place was trying to do something for us and I began
- to feel the rich, blue blood in my veins.
- </p>
- <p>
- Mrs. Fraley and her niece, in long trains, received and presented us to
- their guests. Among them was the lady from Flint who had got the cramp in
- her leg at Hadrian's Villa, and who lived at the same boarding-house with
- Mrs. Fraley. Her name was Sampf—“Mrs. Sampf,” they called her. I
- always have to go to my note-book when I try to think of that name. We
- always refer to her as the lady whose name sounded like boiling mush.
- There were also a sad but handsome young woman of the name of Rantone, a
- Minnesota girl who had married an Italian doctor; Mr. Pike, the whiskered
- lumber king who was studying the history of the world and whose bust we
- had surveyed in the studio of De Langueville, and a certain young man
- connected with one of the embassies.
- </p>
- <p>
- “The count couldn't come,” said Mrs. Fraley. “He wrote that nothing would
- please him more than to meet Mr. and Mrs. Socrates Pot ter, but that he
- was, unfortunately, quite ill.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I did not know until then that these good people had come to meet us.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Perhaps you'll help us to appraise our loss by giving me his name,” I
- suggested.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Oh, it is the wonderful Count Carola!” said she. “He is about the most
- fascinating creature that I ever saw.”
- </p>
- <p>
- My brain reeled and fell at her feet and called silently for help. In half
- a second it had picked itself up again.
- </p>
- <p>
- We went into the dining-room. What a fair of jewels and laces and
- fresh-cut flowers! At eleven o'clock they were going to have a dance—kind
- of a surprise party! They called it The Ball of the Roses. Our table had a
- big crop of red and white roses, and in the middle of it was a little
- fountain among ferns. Its spray fell with a pleasant sound upon
- water-lilies in a big, mossy bowl.
- </p>
- <p>
- The retired lumber king sat opposite me, and a retired frog sat between us
- on a lily-pad at the edge of the fountain-bowl. He was a goodsized real
- frog who was planning to return to active life, I judged, for he sat with
- alert eyes as if on the lookout for a business opportunity. I observed
- that he looked hopefully at me when I sat down at the right of Mrs.
- Fraley, with Mrs. Sampf at my side, as if willing to abandon the frivolous
- life any minute if I could suggest an opening for an energetic young frog.
- Mrs. Fraley explained that the frog was tied to the edge of the bowl by a
- silk thread which was fastened about his neck. I ceased then to fear and
- suspect him.
- </p>
- <p>
- I could not help thinking how much good Terre Haute money had gone into
- these decorations, and we should have been just as well pleased without
- the frog and the fountain.
- </p>
- <p>
- Here we are at last right in the midst of things—grandeur! high
- life! nobility! abdominal hills and valleys! fair slopes of rolling, open
- country with their stones imbedded in gold and platinum! toes twinging
- with gout! faces with the utohel look on them!
- </p>
- <p>
- What a pantheon of rococo deities was this dining-room—princes and
- princesses, counts and discounts, countesses and marquises, Wall Street
- millionaires and millionheiresses, and average American wives and widows
- with friends and dining-men. What is a dining-man? He's a professional
- diner-out. He has only to look aristocratic and speak Italian—or
- English with a Fifth-Avenue accent—and be able to recognize the
- people worth while. A fat old English duchess with a staff in her hand and
- the royal purple in her hair made her way to her table with the walk of an
- apple-woman. There was no nonsense about her, no illusions, no clinging to
- a vanished youth. She was a real woman, and I could have kissed the hem of
- her garments for joy.
- </p>
- <p>
- A lady sat at one of the tables who suggested the chloride of nitrogen,
- being so fat and fetched in at the waist that her shoulders heaved at
- every breath, and one could not look at her without fearing that she would
- explode and fill the air with hooks and eyes and buttons.
- </p>
- <p>
- A large, swell-front, fully furnished Pennsylvania widow sat near us with
- her young daughter and a marquis and a well-earned reputation for great
- wealth. It seemed to be a busy, popular, agreeable reputation, with many
- acquaintances in the room. The widow's costume pleaded for observation and
- secured it, for she sat serene and prodigious in jeweled fat and satin,
- dripping pearls and emeralds and diamonds. There was a battlement of
- diamonds on her brow and a cinch of them on her neck, surrounded by a
- stone wall of pearls as big as the marbles that I used to play with as a
- boy. Hanging from her ears were two mammoth pearls, either of which in a
- sling might have slain Goliath. Her shoulders glowed with gems, and a
- stomacher of diamonds adorned her intemperate zone. What a fresco of
- American abundance she made in the remarkable decorations of that room. By
- and by she drew a wallet from her breast and paid her bill.
- </p>
- <p>
- “How wonderful!” our hostess exclaimed, suddenly.
- </p>
- <p>
- A princess in red slippers and with no stockings on her feet, as Mrs.
- Fraley informed me, strode in with her young man and took a table near us.
- She had been a Wisconsin girl, and her happy Fifth Avenue dialect rose
- like the spray of a fountain and fell lightly on our ears.
- </p>
- <p>
- “We had a sockless statesman in our country, but I never heard of a
- sockless princess before,” Mrs. Sampf sputtered. “They tell me that some
- of these aristocrats are very poor.”
- </p>
- <p>
- Mrs. Sampf had been to Egypt and the Holy Land, and talked freely of her
- travels.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Yes, we went up the Nile to see the dam,” she said. “It's a good dam, I
- guess, but I didn't care much for it. What I wanted to see was the life.
- The folks are awful dirty; I wanted to take a scrubbing-brush and some
- Pearline and go at 'em.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “A few American women with scrubbing-brushes would improve the Egyptian
- race,” I suggested. “How about the food?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Heavens! I've et everything there is going, I guess; it would take you a
- month to learn the names of the vittles. I've got 'em all in my diary.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I suppose you enjoyed the ruins,” I said.
- </p>
- <p>
- And she went on:
- </p>
- <p>
- “I saw a bull temple; it was very nice. You know, they used to worship
- bulls. I don't know what for. They must have been hard up for something to
- worship. There was five of us traveling on our own hooks. We saw one
- temple that was quite nicely carved—had crows and goats on it. I
- love goats. Sometimes I think that I must have been a goat in some
- previous life.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I disagreed with her.
- </p>
- <p>
- “The pyramids were curious things,” she continued. “Some folks never slid
- down into 'em at all after traveling all that distance, but I slid. Since
- I was a child I have always loved sliding. The most interesting thing I
- saw was three baby camels and some Highland soldiers in Jerusalem with no
- pants on and funny little skirts that came down to their knees,” she
- continued. “In the Holy Land I saw a lot of men in skirts with baggy pants
- reaching from their knees down.”
- </p>
- <p>
- She was apparently much interested in the subject of pants, and hurried
- on:
- </p>
- <p>
- “I found a wonderful old knocker there. By the way, I'm making a
- collection of knockers. Have you seen any good ones here in Rome?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Not a knocker! But I haven't been looking for them.” And I added, “I
- wonder some one doesn't make a collection of pants—pants of every
- age and clime.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “What kind of pants did the ancient Romans wear?” she asked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “The same as Adam—the style hadn't changed in ages.”
- </p>
- <p>
- This woman had got a knocker in Jerusalem, and seen some baby camels and a
- number of pantless men; she had seen a bull temple and slid into a pyramid
- in Egypt; she had “et vittles” everywhere, and suffered from cramp in
- sundry places, and languished in a hot, stuffy state-room with a
- quarrelsome lady from Connecticut, all for sixteen hundred dollars and
- four months of time. Yet far more than half of the great caravan of
- American tourists invading Europe and the East get no more than she did.
- The poetry and beauty of the Old World and the money of the New are thus
- wasted on each other.
- </p>
- <p>
- “America is a pretty good country,” I suggested. “There are buildings in
- New York as wonderful as any you will see here, and our scenery is
- excellent.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “But we have no ruins,” said Mrs. Fraley.
- </p>
- <p>
- “On the contrary, we have the grandest ruins in the world,” I insisted.
- “We have the ruins of slavery and of the old error of unequal, rights;
- there all our feudal inheritance has been turned into ruins. Even that
- everlasting lake of fire, which is still needed in Europe, is with us a
- cold and mossy ruin. Nothing in it but garbage these days. We have
- physical ruins, too, and very ancient ones, but we are a working
- community, not a show. In our structures, like the Pennsylvania Station,
- is the sublimity of hope and promise, not the sublimity of death and
- decay.”
- </p>
- <p>
- My friends looked at me with surprise. They had heard only the lyrical
- chorus of their countrymen accompanied by the jingle of francs.
- </p>
- <p>
- “You're right,” said the lumber king. “I thought that I'd try to live here
- a few years because I can't find enough playmates in America; every one is
- busy there. So I thought I'd come over here and study and fool around.
- It's done me good.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Fooling around is better than nothing if done with energy and vigor,” I
- suggested. “A capable fool-arounder isn't worth much, but he can keep his
- liver busy. Here they have professional fool-arounders with gold letters
- on their caps to set the pace. It's all right for a while, but you'll want
- to get back to the lumber business.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Maybe you're right, but Europe has done me a lot o' good,” said Mr. Pike.
- “The cure up at Kissingen fixed my stomach trouble. Cost like Sam Hill,
- but it knocked it out.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “What was the cure?” I asked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Made me walk <i>ten</i> miles a day, and take baths and give up pastry,
- and go to bed at nine.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “And you had to travel four thousand miles and give up a lot of good
- American money to learn that?” I asked. “Old Doctor Common Sense, assisted
- by a little will-power, would have done that for you without charge right
- in your own home. Is it possible that the old doctor has gone out of
- business in Prairie du Chien?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “He died long ago,” said the lumber king. “We have to be led to water like
- a horse these days.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “We follow Cook in the trails of Baedeker instead of following the hired
- man, and we value everything according to its cost,” I answered. “But it's
- good for the Yankee to travel in a pieless world.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Travel is such a wonderful thing!” exclaimed Mrs. Fraley, who preferred
- to paddle in the heavenly gush-ways. “Don't you <i>love</i> Italy?”
- </p>
- <p>
- I took off my mental shoes and stockings and began to paddle with her.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Grand country!” I splashed.
- </p>
- <p>
- Then she lay down in the stream and got wet all over as follows:
- </p>
- <p>
- “It's so wonderful! I love the churches and their music, and mosaics and
- statues, and the palaces and the nobility,” Mrs. Fraley chanted. “These
- well-bred Italians look so aristocratic!”
- </p>
- <p>
- “And they act so aristocratic—nothing to do but eat and drink and
- sleep and dance and get married!” was my answer. “We're rather careless
- about those things in America. A real aristocrat always gets married very
- carefully and so rescues himself from the curse of toil if need be. We
- don't take any pains with our marrying. We marry in the most offhand,
- reckless fashion just to gratify our emotions.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “We forget that a dollar married is better than two dollars earned,” said
- Betsey.
- </p>
- <p>
- “And isn't soiled by perspiration,” I said. “In this room are some of the
- shrewdest marryers in the world—men who by careful attention to the
- business have amassed fortunes. Here, too, are some of the most promising
- young marryers in Italy. They are sure to make their mark.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Indeed! You must tell me of them,” said the good soul.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I shall tell you of one only—not now but before I leave you,” I
- answered.
- </p>
- <p>
- There was a high, moral purpose back of this remark, but it seemed to get
- me into trouble, for I had no sooner finished it than the frog gave a
- swift leap, broke his halter, and landed on me. I suppose that he was an
- Italian frog. Possibly he had only slipped his halter—I never
- learned the precise facts. Anyhow, he had got on the edge of the bowl
- unobserved, and picked out a partner. He could not have chosen a worse
- place to land, for he struck my shirt with a noisy thud just under my
- necktie, and bounded into a dish of French dressing and out of it. I saw
- him bracing, and was about to seize him when he fetched a leap that took
- him over the head of the lumber king. The frog landed with a wet thump on
- the bare back of the sockless princess—who sat close behind Mr. Pike—and
- tumbled into her train. He was not much of a bareback-rider, that's a sure
- thing. The princess gave a rebel yell and jumped to her feet and in honest
- Wisconsin English wanted to know what in God's name it was. The frog had
- got his toe-nails caught in some lace, and was captured by a waiter.
- Ladies who had not spoken the American language in years used it freely.
- </p>
- <p>
- The princess left the room with her friends and a quantity of French
- dressing on her back. The diplomat looked at me and smiled and said:
- </p>
- <p>
- “The princess is in hard luck, and I can't help speaking of it. If a
- meteor should fall into Italy it would land on the princess. Her husband
- gets drunk now and then and beats her up. I believe that he has worn out
- several canes on her person. I saw her once when she had been beaten black
- and blue. She decided then to leave him.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “But didn't?” I asked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “No; her husband made love to her again, and she couldn't resist him. He's
- a great love-maker. Two or three times she has been on the point of going
- back to her people, but hasn't. Poor thing! She's too proud to go home and
- acknowledge the truth—that she has been a fool and her husband a
- brute.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I was now pretty well prepared for my next talk with Mrs. Norris.
- </p>
- <p>
- We left the dining-room, and I took Mrs. Fraley to a seat in the corridor
- and told her of the knight-like temperament of the young Count Carola, and
- of his high rank as a discoverer of wealth and beauty.
- </p>
- <p>
- She showed no surprise, but said: “We had heard that he was engaged to
- Miss Norris, but the count says that the report is untrue. He has not
- really asked my niece to marry him yet, but he calls her the most
- beautiful woman he ever saw. Do you blame him?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Not a bit, although your niece is the second girl to whom he has awarded
- the first premium within three days. There may be others, but that is
- going some.”
- </p>
- <p>
- All this had no effect on the armor-clad, brain-proof lady to whom it was
- addressed.
- </p>
- <p>
- “It's his natural chivalry,” she said, as I rose to go.
- </p>
- <p>
- “And discovering the most beautiful woman in the world is his daily
- habit,” was my answer; and we bade each other good night.
- </p>
- <p>
- When Betsey and I were going home she gave me an account of her talk with
- Mrs. Rantone. The young woman's father had been a successful Minnesota
- grocer. The family came to Italy on a Cook's tour. The young man fell in
- love with the grocer's daughter, and they met him everywhere they went. He
- followed them to Minnesota, and the two were married there. Mrs. Rantone
- had said that he was a fine man and an excellent doctor, but that his
- friends would have nothing to do with her because she was the daughter of
- a tradesman of moderate means. They had supposed that every American who
- traveled abroad was rich, as indeed such travelers ought to be. After
- living nearly eight years in Rome she had only three Italian friends. She
- naturally felt that she was a dead weight on the shoulders of her husband;
- that she could contribute nothing to his success and she was most unhappy.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Are your parents still living in Minnesota?” Betsey asked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “They're all alone in the old home,” said the poor expatriate.
- </p>
- <p>
- “They must miss you terribly.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Well, why did they bring me here?” was her pathetic answer.
- </p>
- <p>
- I could see that Betsey was recovering from the fascinations of the
- marriage market.
- </p>
- <p>
- “The 'devil-<i>op</i>-ments' of this night should have some effect on the
- price of Romeos,” I remarked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “And the insanity of Juliets,” said Betsey. “I'm going to spring this on
- Gwen and her mother. But they won't believe it.”
- </p>
- <p>
- When we arrived at our hotel its porter gave me a note from Norris which
- said:
- </p>
- <p>
- “Please come to my room on receipt of this.”
- </p>
- <p>
- <br /><br />
- </p>
- <hr />
- <p>
- <a name="link2H_4_0013" id="link2H_4_0013"> </a>
- </p>
- <div style="height: 4em;">
- <br /><br /><br /><br />
- </div>
- <h2>
- XII.—IN WHICH NORRIS TAKES HIS LIGHT FROM UNDER THE BUSHEL
- </h2>
- <p class="pfirst">
- <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span> FOUND Norris in
- bed, propped up with pillows and looking very pale. His mother and nurse
- were with him; the ladies had gone out to dinner with Forbes and would
- spend an hour or so at the ball.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I had a bad turn at ten o'clock,” said Norris, “but the doctor came and
- patched me up, and has gone out for a walk. Mother, will you and the nurse
- go into the other room until I call you? I want to talk with Mr. Potter.”
- </p>
- <p>
- Mrs. Norris, the elder, was a slim, tender little woman, with a flavor of
- the old-time Yankee folks in her customs and conversation. When she was
- not doing something for her “boy,” as she called him, I often found her
- sitting in her rocking-chair by the window with her fancy-work or her
- Bible. Once when I sat waiting to see Norris, while he was napping, she
- sang “The Old, Old Story” in a low voice as she rocked.
- </p>
- <p>
- Before leaving the room that night, when I had been summoned to his
- bedside, she went to his bed and leaned over him and looked thoughtfully
- into his face. Then she gently touched it with her hand.
- </p>
- <p>
- “How is my boy feeling now?” she asked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Oh, I'm better, mother,” he answered, cheerfully.
- </p>
- <p>
- “You look more and more like your father,” she said, standing by the bed,
- with her hands on her hips, reluctant to leave him.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I wish I were as good a man as my father,” said Norris.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Your father! He is one of the saints of heaven,” she answered.
- </p>
- <p>
- Then she turned away and went through the door which the nurse had left
- open in her departure.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I am glad that you heard her say that,” said Norris. “It will help you to
- understand my father. I remember hearing a man say once that my father
- would go to Hades for a friend. Of course that overdrew it, but he was a
- most generous man, and what a woman my mother is! I often wake in the
- night and find her looking down at me, and she's up at daylight every
- morning. Wherever she is there's a home—something not made with
- hands, and it is very dear to me.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “The old, old sort—there's not many of them left,” I said.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Now, for the new sort,” he whispered, as he drew a letter from his breast
- pocket and passed it to me.
- </p>
- <p>
- It was from the young Count Carola, and I was not in the least surprised
- by this message in English which, with all its impurity, was better than
- the count knew:
- </p>
- <p>
- It has become possible for me to render you a service, and I am glad to do
- the same, knowing that you are one of nature's noblemen. As you know, my
- income is not large, and I sometimes write articles for a newspaper here
- in Rome and for another in Naples, being fond of literature and politics.
- To-day a man asked me to read a story which they had and translate it into
- the Italian language. I found that it was an account of your career and
- told of things which, if they were published, would injure you and your
- family. I could not believe them, knowing, as I do, that you are the soul
- of honor. I told the man that it was false, and that he had better not
- publish it. After some arguments he gave up all idea of publishing the
- story, and gave it over to me. I was glad to do what I did, because I love
- you and the dear madame and your beautiful daughter, Miss Gwendolyn.
- </p>
- <p>
- It would not be consistent with the honesty of a gentleman of my standing
- to take anything from a friend for such a favor, and I ask you to offer me
- no reward but your friendship. So please do not think of it again. But may
- I not hope that you will let me try to win your heart. Mine is an ancient
- name and family, and every member of it has lived honest to this day. I
- would like to go to America and go to work in some business. I am tired of
- living idle and would be thankful for your advice. I am also very much
- worried, and I speak of it with regrets. I hear that Mrs. Norris is
- favorable to the Count Raspagnetti. You would not, I am sure, permission
- your daughter to marry him without securing information about his
- character, which you can accomplish it so easily here in Rome.
- </p>
- <p>
- I made light of the whole matter to save him worry, but what I saw in it
- was a conspiracy between Muggs and the count; Muggs had dictated most of
- the letter. The thumb-print of Muggs was unmistakable. “Nature's
- nobleman,” “the soul of honor,” “a gentleman of my standing,” “lived
- honest!” Who but the nugiferous Muggs, with his cheap, learned-by-rote
- polish, would express himself in that fashion? Any one who had known Muggs
- for an hour would see his hand in this letter. There were his stock
- phrases and that peculiar adverbial weakness of his. Who but Muggs could
- have written that sentence calculated to answer Norris's chief objection
- to such a man—idleness? He had delivered the whip into the hands of
- the count, but was holding the reins. The business part of the thing being
- over, Muggs had let him finish the letter in his own way.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Who is the Count Raspagnetti?” Norris asked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I do not know him.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “A new candidate of whom I have not heard!”
- </p>
- <p>
- “And another discoverer of wealth and beauty,” I said. “Refer him to me.
- Above all, don't have any communication with the slim count.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Potter, you are a great friend,” he said. “What the Count Carola wants is
- to marry my daughter, and I shall not submit to it.” His anger had risen
- as he spoke. He whispered his determination with a clenched fist.
- </p>
- <p>
- “At last we have come to a parting of the ways,” he went on. “I don't know
- how I shall do it, but I'm going to confess my sins. We'll get the family
- together, and I'll lay my heart bare. It's the only thing to do. It will
- be hard on Gwendolyn, but not so hard as marrying a reprobate. It will be
- hard on my wife, but there are things worse than disgrace.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I welcome you back to happiness and sanity,” I said, giving him my hand.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Do you think I have been crazy?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Well, you haven't been right in your head on this subject, not quite sane
- about it. You have reminded me of a woman I knew who threw her cat out of
- a second-story window. The cat with open claws landed on top of a
- bald-headed gentleman. Then she tumbled down a flight of stairs and broke
- a clavicle and the nose of a man who was coming up. And what do you think
- it was all about?”
- </p>
- <p>
- He smiled as he looked up at me and shook his head.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Nothing,” I said. “She thought the house was afire when it wasn't. If you
- stand up to this thing like a man you'll be surprised by what happens and
- by the immensity of your former folly. Women are not playthings. They are
- built to carry trouble. A good woman can walk off, like a pack-horse, with
- a burden of trouble. You haven't been fair to your women. You have treated
- them as if they were too good to be human. It's a gross injustice.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Call my mother,” said Norris, “and then go down and meet Gwendolyn and
- Mary and bring them here. I'm going to make an end of this thing
- to-night.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Please remember this—don't get excited, keep cool, and take it
- easy. I'll stand by you.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Oh, I'm quite calm now that my mind is made up,” said he. “If it kills me
- I couldn't die in a better cause.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I called his mother and went below stairs. As I waited I thought of the
- new plan of Muggs. The count's letter clearly intimated that Norris must
- be his friend or he would publish the facts. If he could force a marriage
- he would share the financial end in some manner with Muggs. A little after
- one o'clock the ladies arrived with Richard Forbes. I took charge of
- Gwendolyn and her mother, and the boy bade us good night.
- </p>
- <p>
- We sat down together for a moment.
- </p>
- <p>
- “We had a wonderful time,” said Gwendolyn. “All the aristocracy of Rome
- was there.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Including the wonderful Count Raspagnetti,” her mother added. “The young
- Count Carola stood near as we got into our car. He is the most pathetic
- thing!”
- </p>
- <p>
- “We must have nothing more to say to him,” I said. “He has discovered
- another most beautiful woman in the world in Miss Muriel Fraley, of Terre
- Haute. He is one of the greatest beauty-finders that I have ever seen. But
- we must have nothing more to say to him. He has resorted to blackmail to
- achieve his purpose.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “What do you mean?” asked Mrs. Norris. Before I could answer she suddenly
- opened her heart to me.
- </p>
- <p>
- “So many things have happened and are happening which I cannot
- understand,” said she. “My husband has never taken me into his confidence.
- I have long known that he was troubled about something. It has always
- seemed to annoy him if I rapped ever so softly on the door of his mystery.
- Now I do not dare to come near it for fear of making him worse. You seem
- to know the man Wilton. Who is he? Why does he turn up in Italy? I detest
- him, and I am sure that my husband does also.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Mr. Norris has had business relations with him, but they are now at an
- end,” I answered.
- </p>
- <p>
- “So I had hoped,” said she. “But he called here to see my husband
- yesterday. Of course he didn't succeed. The nurse gave Mr. Norris the
- card, and his symptoms changed suddenly and were alarming. I am terribly
- worried and nervous. I love my husband, and I've felt often that I haven't
- been a good wife to him, but he would not let me.”
- </p>
- <p>
- Her eyes had filled with tears.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Your unhappiness will end this night. Come with me to Whitfield's room.
- He has something to tell you. He asked me to meet you here.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “How strange!” said Mrs. Norris, as she rose with a frightened look.
- </p>
- <p>
- I led the way, and we proceeded in silence to the room where Norris lay.
- His mother sat beside him on the bed.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Mary and Gwendolyn, come here,” he said.
- </p>
- <p>
- He took a hand of each in his as they stood by his bedside.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Potter, I want you to stay with us and hear what I have to say,” he
- called to me.
- </p>
- <p>
- A little moment of silence followed in which his spirit seemed to be
- breaking its fetters.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Mary, I have sinned against you,” he said. “It was your right to know
- long since what I have now to tell you. But I was a coward. I loved you
- and feared to lose your love, and so I kept you from knowing the truth
- about me. Then came Gwendolyn, and the lovelier she grew the more cowardly
- I became. I hadn't the heart to tell either of you what I now must tell,
- that I went to prison long ago for a crime. It was not a very bad crime,
- but bad enough to disgrace you.”
- </p>
- <p>
- In a flash the thought came to me that he was not going to tell the whole'
- truth; he would protect his father's good name.
- </p>
- <p>
- Mrs. Norris put her arm about her husband's neck and kissed him tenderly.
- “My love,” said she, “I knew all that years ago, but for fear of hurting
- you I've never spoken of it. Long, long ago I knew all about your
- trouble.”
- </p>
- <p>
- His mother rose from the bed where she had been calmly sitting with bowed
- head and tearful eyes.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Not all,” said she. “You do not know that he took my husband's sin upon
- him, and that all these years he has been suffering in silence for the
- sake of another. I am sure there is no greater saint in heaven than this
- man.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Oh, Whitfield! Why didn't you let me help you?” said his wife, as she
- sank to her knees beside him.
- </p>
- <p>
- The scene had suddenly become too sacred for any words of mine.
- </p>
- <p>
- Not one of us spoke for a while, but there was something above all words
- in the silence. It was feebly expressed at length in these of Norris, and
- I like to recall them when I begin to feel a bit cynical:
- </p>
- <p>
- “I'm no saint. I'm just an average American businessman—very human,
- very foolish! But there are many who would do more than I have done for
- the love of a friend. My father was such a man.”
- </p>
- <p>
- Gwendolyn came and kissed me when I bade them good night, and I drew her
- aside and said to her:
- </p>
- <p>
- “With such men in America why are we looking for counts in Italy?”
- </p>
- <p>
- She made no answer, but I understood the little squeeze of gratitude which
- my hand felt.
- </p>
- <p>
- <br /><br />
- </p>
- <hr />
- <p>
- <a name="link2H_4_0014" id="link2H_4_0014"> </a>
- </p>
- <div style="height: 4em;">
- <br /><br /><br /><br />
- </div>
- <h2>
- XIII.—IN WHICH I FIGHT A DUEL WITH ONE OF THE OLDEST WEAPONS IN THE
- WORLD
- </h2>
- <p class="pfirst">
- <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">N</span>EXT morning a note
- came to Betsey from Mrs. Norris saying that she and Gwendolyn had decided
- to spend the whole day at home with their patient, and would, therefore,
- be unable to ride out as they had planned to do. She inclosed another
- letter of dog-like servility from the slim count and asked me to see what
- I could do to suppress him. In this letter he referred to me as a vulgar
- fellow who had disregarded his challenge. This she did not understand, and
- rightly thought that I would know what he meant.
- </p>
- <p>
- So I was reminded that the pitchforks and the time to use them had
- arrived. I informed De Langueville of the fact. He invited me to call at
- his studio at noon, and added that he hoped it would be convenient to
- bring the forks with me. I sent Betsey out shopping and 'phoned for
- Richard, and when he came to my room I met him with one of those weapons
- in my hands.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I am ready for the stern arbitrament of the pitchfork,” I said. “Will you
- come with me?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Certainly,” said he.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Come on,” I said, as I started with one of the forks in my hands. “I'm
- going to get through with my haying to-day if possible.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Hadn't we better send the forks by messenger?” said Richard.
- </p>
- <p>
- “No, I'd rather carry them myself,” I answered. “I don't want them to be
- delayed or lost in transit.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “They are not so elegant as swords or guns,” he said, as he took one of
- the forks.
- </p>
- <p>
- “They are more reputable,” I assured him.
- </p>
- <p>
- We made our way into the crowded street and soon entered a drug shop to
- buy some first-aid materials, and deposited our forks in a corner near a
- small boy who sat on a stool devouring primes. He soon discovered a better
- use for his prunes and amused himself by-impaling them on the fork tines.
- When we were ready to go we gathered the fruit and gave it back to the
- boy.
- </p>
- <p>
- I never had so much fun with a pitchfork in all my life. In fact, I can
- think of no more promising field for the pitchfork than the city of Rome.
- It is an exciting tool, and as an inspirer of reminiscence the fork is
- even mightier than the sword or the pen. Mine rose above me like a
- lightning-rod, and currents of thought began to play around the burnished
- tines. I never dreamed that there were so many ex-farmers of our own land
- in Italy. A number of them stopped us to indulge in stories of the
- hay-field. We might have learned of many a busy and exciting day on “the
- old farm,” but time pressed and we sprang into a cab and soon entered the
- studio of the sculptor with the forks in our hands.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Here we are,” I said, as De Langueville opened the door.
- </p>
- <p>
- To my painful surprise, the young count was there. He was looking at a
- sword when we caught sight of him. He sheathed and laid it down on a table
- and joined the sculptor, who had begun to examine the forks. The end of
- each tine excited their interest. De Langueville felt them, and then there
- was a little dialogue in Italian between him and his friend which was not
- wholly lost upon me.
- </p>
- <p>
- “They use it to fight Indians,” said the sculptor.
- </p>
- <p>
- “They are poisoned,” said the count, as his eye detected some stains on
- the steel which had been made by the prime-juice.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I think so,” the other answered, and then, addressing me in English, he
- asked:
- </p>
- <p>
- “Will you kindly name the day and hour?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Here and now,” was my answer.
- </p>
- <p>
- Another dialogue in Italian followed, and then De Langueville said to me:
- </p>
- <p>
- “It is impossible. The count requests for more time.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I have no more time to waste on this little matter,” I said. “If he
- wishes to call it off—” But he didn't—no such luck for me! I
- had talked too much. The count had taken exception to the words “call it
- off.” They must have sounded highly insulting, for he flew mad, as they
- say in Connecticut, and stepped forward with a fine flourish and seized
- one of the forks. “Call it off” was apparently the one thing which the
- count could not stand, and I had meant to be careful. His rich Italian
- blood mounted to his face. I began to like him better.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I will fight you here and at present if my friend the baron will give to
- us the permission,” he declared.
- </p>
- <p>
- “One moment,” said the baron, as he hurried away.
- </p>
- <p>
- We sat in silence for five minutes or so when he returned with a surgeon.
- </p>
- <p>
- I could not run now, and there were no trees to climb, although there was
- an heroic figure of the New Italy with a kind of staging that rose to her
- chin. There was also a long alley that was lined with busts and statues.
- </p>
- <p>
- “It looks as if we are in for it,” Forbes whispered.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I'm ready,” I assured him. “A man who talks as much as I do ought to be
- willing to fight, especially when there's no chance to run. I enjoy life
- and safety as much as any one, but you can carry it too far.”
- </p>
- <p>
- Forbes turned away and conferred with the sculptor, and placed us about
- fifteen feet apart.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I will count three, and at the last number you will approach together and
- fight,” said De Langueville.
- </p>
- <p>
- The young count had no lack of courage, for I have since learned that he
- regarded me as a kind of human cobra with poisoned fangs more than a foot
- long. He was rather pale when we stood face to face.
- </p>
- <p>
- I am a man a little past fifty, and not so quick as when I was a boy, no
- doubt, but I have always kept myself in good shape—tramped and
- chopped wood and hoed beans enough to feed Boston for a month of
- Saturdays; so I think that I am as strong as ever. I had no sanguinary
- designs upon the count; I chiefly harbored preservative designs upon
- myself. I had got into this trouble in a good cause, and my white feathers
- were carefully dyed. Of course I couldn't acknowledge that a count was
- better than a mister.
- </p>
- <p>
- So I faced the blue-blooded warrior as if he were a cock in a field of
- good timothy, with rain-clouds in the sky. We stood with our forks raised,
- and the six tines rang upon one another as soon as the word was given. He
- was overwrought by his fear of poison, I suppose, and had not the power of
- arm and shoulder that I had. We shoved and twisted, and then he broke away
- and came on with little stabs at the air. Suddenly I caught his tines in
- mine and wrenched the fork from his hands. Forbes has said that I looked
- savage, and I believe him, for I was getting hot.
- </p>
- <p>
- <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0004" id="linkimage-0004"> </a>
- </p>
- <div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
- <img src="images/0193.jpg" alt="0193m " width="100%" /><br />
- </div>
- <h5>
- <a href="images/0193.jpg"><img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a>
- </h5>
- <p>
- “First blood!” I shouted, as I rushed toward him, intending to pick up his
- fork and put it back in his hands. But he did not stop to learn my
- intentions. “First blood!” meant murder to him. I had taken but a step in
- his direction when he was in full flight. I didn't blame him a bit. I
- would have fled; any one would have fled. That yell and the prune-juice
- did it.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Hold on!” I shouted, with a fork in each hand, as I chased him a hundred
- feet or more down a long aisle lined with the busts of grocers, butchers,
- brokers, and lumber kings. The words “Hold on!” must have sounded nasty,
- for he put on more steam. I did not mean to hurt him; I only wished to
- take his hand and congratulate him on his speed. But I couldn't go fast
- enough. Before I was half down the aisle he had got to the end of it and
- jumped over the high shelf between the marble presentments of the missing
- actress and the Michigan lumber dealer. I knew better than to laugh—it
- was ill-bred—but I could not help it. Now I could hear the feet of
- the count hurrying toward me. I ought to have kept still.
- </p>
- <p>
- “We cannot fight with such weapons,” said the baron; “it is barbarous.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “If you will fight me with the sword I shall prove to you my grand
- courage,” said the young count, as he emerged, panting, from behind a
- group of statues.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I need no further proof of your courage,” I said, gently. “You act brave
- enough to suit me.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Try me with the sword,” he urged. “You are one coward; you are one
- coward. You have attacka me when the weapon was not in my hand.”
- </p>
- <p>
- Richard came forward coolly and put his hand on the count's arm.
- </p>
- <p>
- “You are wrong, and you ought to apologize,” he said, firmly.
- </p>
- <p>
- The count turned upon him with a polite bow, and said:
- </p>
- <p>
- “Perhaps you will give me the satisfaction.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “If you like, I'll take it up for him,” said Forbes, with admirable
- coolness. “He is older than you, and not accustomed to the sword.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Look here—I won't let you fight for me,” I said. “These fellows are
- used to the sword and pistol. They have nothing else to do and are looking
- for a sure thing. Fight him with your fists—if he's bound to fight
- again.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Him! That would be too sure a thing, I'm afraid,” said Richard. “I've
- practised this game of fencing at college and the Fencers' Club. I'm not
- afraid of the count.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I had observed that a number of swords had been lying on a table near us.
- Before Richard's remark was finished the count had picked up one of them
- and said to my friend:
- </p>
- <p>
- “Come—you are not fearful—like a lady. Give me one chance.”
- </p>
- <p>
- Before anything more could be done or said the young men were at it, and,
- to my great relief, I saw that Forbes was able to take care of himself.
- The count was a clever swordsman, but my friend was stronger and just as
- quick.
- </p>
- <p>
- It is about the prettiest survival of feudal times, this bloody game of
- the sword.
- </p>
- <p>
- I observed that the clock in the studio indicated the moment of 12.18 when
- the contest began. It lasted for an hour or more, as I thought, when it
- ended with blood-flowing from the sword-arm of the count at 12.21. The
- count was satisfied and breathing heavily. Forbes was fresh and strong.
- </p>
- <p>
- “It is enough,” the slim count shouted, and the battle was over.
- </p>
- <p>
- “You play with the sword so skilful,” the latter panted, as De Langueville
- and the surgeon began to dress his wound.
- </p>
- <p>
- “All you need is a pair of lungs,” said Forbes. “The pair you have may do
- for sucking cigarettes, but not for fighting.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “And I politely request that you do not use them again in making love to
- Miss Norris,” I said. “Hereafter I shall carry a fork with me, and any man
- who follows us again will get it run into him. But now that you know that
- they do not want to graft you on their family tree you will, of course,
- annoy them no more. I expect you're a much better fellow than you seem to
- be.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “And they will permission her to marry Raspagnetti?” he demanded.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Why not?” was my query.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Well, he has been married already and has amuse himself by dragging his
- wife around his palace by the hairs of her head.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “It's a bad fashion,” I said; “it wears out the carpets.”
- </p>
- <p>
- He looked puzzled.
- </p>
- <p>
- “But it's an ancient diversion of the Romans,” I went on, remembering that
- panel in one of the galleries which portrayed the extraction of the
- whiskers of a captive who was tied hand and foot—one of the basest
- amusements I can think of.
- </p>
- <p>
- As we talked the surgeon was at work on the arm of the young man.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Let's go and get a bite to eat,” Richard proposed, and we made our
- escape.
- </p>
- <p>
- While we were eating he said:
- </p>
- <p>
- “Don't say anything of my part in this little scrap. I'm ashamed of it. To
- draw blood from him is like taking candy from a child.” At the hotel
- Richard found a cable that summoned him to New York. Late that afternoon
- Gwendolyn and her mother and Betsey went with him to the station where he
- took a train for the north. I bade the boy good-by and said as I did so:
- </p>
- <p>
- “Leave the case in my hands again.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “It's hopeless!” said he.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Not exactly!” I answered.
- </p>
- <p>
- “She has turned me down.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Turned you down?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Yes, I had a talk with her last evening.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “You'll have to try it again some other evening,” I said.
- </p>
- <p>
- “She doesn't want to marry any one. That's about the way she puts it—but
- more politely. I told her that if she didn't want to be proposed to again
- she'd better avoid me. I expect to convince her that she's wrong.”
- </p>
- <p>
- He left me, and I went to see Norris, who had sent word that he wished to
- talk with me.
- </p>
- <p>
- <br /><br />
- </p>
- <hr />
- <p>
- <a name="link2H_4_0015" id="link2H_4_0015"> </a>
- </p>
- <div style="height: 4em;">
- <br /><br /><br /><br />
- </div>
- <h2>
- XIV.—MISS GWENDOLYN DEFINES HER POSITION
- </h2>
- <p class="pfirst">
- <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span> FOUND Norris
- looking better, and it's a sure thing that I was looking worse. I felt
- weary—the natural reaction of all that deviltry! Exercise with the
- pitchfork is all right under proper circumstances, but a man near fifty
- years of age should use more care than I had done in the choice of
- circumstances.
- </p>
- <p>
- “What's the matter?” was the query of Norris.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Been fightin',” I said, remembering how I had answered a similar question
- of my father one day when I returned from school with a black eye and my
- trousers torn. “They kep' pickin' on me.”
- </p>
- <p>
- Then I told him the story of my quarrel with the slim count and its
- climax. But I said nothing of Forbes's part in the matter. We laughed so
- loudly that the nurse entered in a panic to see what was the matter.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Nothing's the matter except good health,” I said. “We're both twenty
- years younger than we were a short time ago, and if you know any remedy
- for that go and throw it out of the window.”
- </p>
- <p>
- She retired from the scene, and we went on with our talk.
- </p>
- <p>
- “You're about the most versatile lawyer that I ever knew,” said he. “Such
- devotion I did not deserve or expect. If there's any more fighting to be
- done we'll hire a boy. For what you have done I say 'Thanks,' and you know
- what I mean by that. Gosh t' Almighty! I'm going to get out of bed, and
- we'll have some fun.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I'm beginning to long for the old sod!” I remarked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “So'm I. Let's go south for a little while and then home. It looks as if
- we should have to take a count with us as a souvenir.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “The Raspagnetti?” I asked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “The same,” said he. “Read that.”
- </p>
- <p>
- He drew from under his pillow a letter from the Count Raspagnetti, which
- said:
- </p>
- <p>
- <i>I am sorry that you are sick, for I desire so much to talk with you and
- tell you, I should say, how profoundly I am in love with your beautiful
- and accomplished daughter. The esteemed Monsignor who bears this note, and
- who is my friend and yours also, can tell you that I am worthy of your
- confidence, although unworthy, so to speak, of such an adorable creature
- as Miss Gwendolyn. But I feel in my heart that I cannot be happy without
- her. I assure you that I would rather die than find it impossible to make
- her my wife. So I hope that you will let me see you soon, if your health
- should cherish the endurance, and permit me to speak of such things to
- her.</i>
- </p>
- <p>
- I had scarcely finished reading it when Norris said:
- </p>
- <p>
- “The Monsignor, whom I had met in New York, and who is one of the most
- courtly gentlemen you can imagine, came to see me this morning and
- recommended the count without reserve as one of the first gentlemen of
- Italy. I guess he's all right, and I agree with my wife that we will put
- it up to Gwendolyn and let her do as she likes. If she must have a title I
- presume she couldn't do better.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I was about to suggest that she would need a special allowance for
- hair-restorer, but restrained myself. I thought that I wouldn't say
- anything disagreeable unless it should be necessary and also susceptible
- of proof.
- </p>
- <p>
- “What does Gwendolyn think of him?” I asked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I haven't said a word to Gwendolyn about him—yet. I'll have a talk
- with her tomorrow or perhaps to-night. When I awoke this morning about two
- o'clock Gwendolyn and her mother were standing by the bed. The girl has
- taken the notion that she must do the nursing herself. I haven't been fair
- to them. I guess it's up to me to let them do the marrying. Mrs. Norris
- seems to like this man, and if Gwendolyn wants him I shall fall in line.
- I'm not going to be a Czar even in the interest of democracy.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “It's the wisest possible course,” I agreed.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I wish that you'd post yourself about the sailings,” said he, as I left
- him.
- </p>
- <p>
- I broke a Roman record that evening—went to bed at eight. In Rome
- the day doesn't really begin until about that hour. At two o'clock people
- are coming out of the cafés, and the blood of Italy is in full song.
- Betsey complained that I yelled in my sleep, and I believed her.
- </p>
- <p>
- The voice of the nightingales awoke me just before daylight. What a
- mellow-voiced chorus it is! A man has got to search his memory if he's
- going to try to describe it. The softest tones of the flute are in that
- song. It has an easy-flowing conversational lilt. It's a kind of swift,
- tumbling brook of flute music. As the light grew a noisy band of sparrows
- came on the scene. For a little while the soft phrases of the nightingales
- were woven into the sparrows' chatter. They ceased suddenly. I rose and
- dressed and went down into the little park outside my windows just as the
- sun's light began to show in the sky. In a moment I saw a young lady
- approaching in one of the garden paths.
- </p>
- <p>
- She waved to me and called, “Hello, Uncle Soc!”
- </p>
- <p>
- It was Gwendolyn.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Child! Why are you not in bed?” I asked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I've worked at idleness so long and so hard that I'm taking a little
- vacation,” said she. “I sat all night with father. He couldn't sleep, and
- we talked and talked, and then I read to him and he fell asleep half an
- hour ago, and I came down for a breath of the morning air.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Don't get reckless with your holiday—all night is a rather long
- pull,” I suggested.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I enjoyed every minute. You see, I've never had a chance to do anything
- for him. My father has always been so busy, and I away in school or
- traveling with my mother or Mrs. Mushtop. I was never quite so happy as I
- am now.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “There's nothing so restful as honest toil,” I said. “The fact is you've
- been overworking in the past—struggling with luncheons, teas,
- dinners, dressmakers, and dances, and getting through at midnight. It's
- too much for any human being. If you could only go to work in a laundry or
- a kitchen or a sick-room, how restful and soothing it would be!”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I understand you now, Uncle Soc,” said she. “We must see that it pays.
- Last night I was so well paid for my work! I discovered my father. The
- night passed like magic and filled me with happiness. To-day life is worth
- living. He told me of his boyhood, and I told him of my girlhood and that
- I wanted to make it different.
- </p>
- <p>
- “'You must let me do the nursing,' I said. “'Why?' he asked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “'Because I love you,' I told him, and what do you think he said?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “My thinker got overheated and blew up the other day, and is undergoing
- repairs,” I answered. “So you'll have to tell me.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I shall remember it so long as I live,” she went on, with tears in her
- eyes, “for he said, 'I've found a daughter, and it's the best thing that's
- happened to me since I found a wife.'”
- </p>
- <p>
- “My, what a night! You found the greatest luxury in the world, which is
- work,” I said. “Don't go to dissipating like a child with a can of jelly
- and make yourself sick of it. Go easy. Be temperate.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Uncle Soc, you dear old thing!” she exclaimed. “I'm beginning to know you
- better, too. I want you to tell me something. Father said that we should
- be going home soon. Now, <i>what</i> can I take to Richard? It must be
- something very, very nice—something that he will be sure to like.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Why take anything to Richard?” I asked. “I refuse to tell you why,” she
- answered. “But please remember that I have not the slightest hope of every
- marrying Richard.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “You have lost your heart in Italy,” I said. “But I was kind o' hoping
- that you'd recover it.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I know that you and father have been worried about that, but you didn't
- know me so well as you thought. I had heard much about these Italians, and
- they are handsome men, and the Count Raspagnetti is a very grand
- gentleman. I have been impressed, for I am as human as other girls, but I
- cannot marry the count, and if he asks me I shall tell him so; and I can
- do it with a clear conscience, for <i>I</i> have given him no
- encouragement.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I made no answer, being unhorsed by this unexpected turn.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I do not propose to marry any one, and if you will think for a moment you
- will know why.”
- </p>
- <p>
- In a flash her meaning came to me. She'd have to tell her father's secret
- to the man she married, and that she would never do. Again that old
- skeleton in the family closet was grinning at us.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Gwendolyn, my thinker has been worn out by overwork here in Italy or it
- would not have been asleep at its post,” I said. “I take off my hat to you
- and keep it off as long as you're near me. Jiminy Christmas! I like the
- stuff you're made of, but look here—the case isn't hopeless. I'll
- show you a way out of this trouble some day. Come on, let's go in and have
- some breakfast. I'm hungry as a bear.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “No, thanks! I must go back to my patient,” said the girl. “I never eat
- any breakfast.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “The breakfast habit is purely American. You'll acquire it by and by,” I
- assured her. “Wait until you get a settled liking for long days and short
- nights.”
- </p>
- <p>
- She left me, and I thought that I would take a little walk under the trees
- before going in. I had not gone a dozen paces when Muggs came along. He
- was looking pale and thin and rather untidy.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I knew that you were an early riser,” said he. “I came to find you if I
- could.”
- </p>
- <p>
- He must have seen a look of anger in my face, for he went on:
- </p>
- <p>
- “Don't be hard on me. I've come to bring you that two hundred dollars,
- with fifty added for the hat and coat.”
- </p>
- <p>
- He gave me a check, and it nearly knocked me down with astonishment. “What
- cunning ruse is this?” I asked myself, and said: “You're not looking
- well.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I can't eat or sleep,” he continued. “I've been walking the streets since
- midnight. There's something I wanted to say, but I'm not up to it now.
- I'll try to see you again within a day or two.”
- </p>
- <p>
- He bade me good morning and went on, and I was puzzled by the serious look
- in his face.
- </p>
- <p>
- <br /><br />
- </p>
- <hr />
- <p>
- <a name="link2H_4_0016" id="link2H_4_0016"> </a>
- </p>
- <div style="height: 4em;">
- <br /><br /><br /><br />
- </div>
- <h2>
- XV.—-SOMETHING HAPPENS TO THE MAN MUGGS
- </h2>
- <p class="pfirst">
- <span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">S</span>OME people are so
- careless with their affections that they even forget where they laid 'em
- the day before, and often go about sputtering like an old gentleman who
- has lost his spectacles. My grandfather was once so mad at a table on
- which he had found them lying, unexpectedly, that he seized a poker and
- put a dent in it. He was like many modern lovers—divorced and
- otherwise. They should remember that misplaced affection has made more
- trouble than anything else.
- </p>
- <p>
- Mrs. Mullet had been a bit careless with her affections, and especially in
- taking Mr. Pike's recommendation of Colonel Wilton. What could have been
- the motive of Mr. Pike?
- </p>
- <p>
- Mrs. Mullet called to see us next morning.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Something very strange has happened,” said she.
- </p>
- <p>
- “If you were to tell me something that wasn't strange I wouldn't believe
- it,” I answered. “Go ahead; you can't astonish me.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Please read this letter,” she requested, as she drew a sheet of paper
- from an envelope and put it into my hands and added, “It's from Colonel
- Wilton.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “From Wilton!” I exclaimed, and began reading aloud the singular human
- document. His emotion conferred rank upon her, for he had addressed Mrs.
- Mullet in this baronial fashion:
- </p>
- <p>
- <i>My dear Lady Maude,—I have completed the payments due to date on
- the bust and the oil-painting, because I have decided that if I cannot
- have you I must have them. I want to live with them, for I believe they
- will help me. I tell you the God's truth, I have been a bad man, but I
- want to be better and make good to every one I have wronged. I can't do it
- for a little while yet, but I'm going to as sure as there's a God in
- heaven. I was a fool to write that letter, but I was discouraged. You are
- the only woman I ever loved. I take back all that I wrote in that letter.
- I won't put any price on you. I can't. You are better than all the money
- in the world. I don't blame you a bit for not having anything more to do
- with me. You don't know what I have suffered; you can't know, but I know.
- I shall never give you a moment's trouble. Don't be afraid to meet me in
- the street. I may look at you, but I shall not speak to you. Don't hate
- me; but, if you can, ask Jesus Christ to forgive me and help me to live
- honest. I don't believe that He wants me to suffer always like this. Don't
- hate me, because I love you, and please remember me as Lysander Wilton.</i>
- </p>
- <p>
- Its script was curious. Every word was written with extreme care, and some
- were embellished with little flourishes. I remembered how slowly and
- carefully he had formed the letters in that signature in my office.
- </p>
- <p>
- There were tears in the eyes of Mrs. Mullet when I folded the letter and
- looked into her face.
- </p>
- <p>
- “What do you think of it?” she asked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Sounds as if he meant it, but he's an able sounder,” I answered.
- </p>
- <p>
- “He had a good case and has given up all claim upon her,” said Betsey, in
- the tone of gentle protest.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Oh, well! he wouldn't dare to bring a suit here or in America,” I
- objected. “She might get the hatchet, but he would get the ax.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “How would you explain his payments on the bust and the portrait?” Betsey
- asked.
- </p>
- <p>
- Sure enough, why was he buying the bust and the painting, and how had he
- got the money to do it?
- </p>
- <p>
- “It looks as if he had gone out of his mind,” said Betsey.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Nobody could blame him for going out of his mind,” was my answer. “If I
- had his mind I'd go out of it.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Perhaps she has driven him into a new and a better mind,” said Betsey.
- </p>
- <p>
- “That's possible. There's plenty of room outside his old mental horizon.
- If it's honest love I should think he would die of astonishment to find
- such goods on himself.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Well, you see, he was not very well, and I was a kind of mother to him
- here,” Mrs. Mullet answered, as she wiped her eyes. “He was kind and
- thoughtful and so very handsome. I was really fond of him.”
- </p>
- <p>
- Mrs. Mullet yielded again to her emotions. She was not a bad sort of a
- woman, after all.
- </p>
- <p>
- True, she was still afflicted with a light attack of the beauty disease.
- But she had a heart in her. She was, too, “a well-fashioned, enticing
- creature,” as Samuel Pepys would have said. I didn't blame Muggs for
- leaping in love with her. It was as natural as for a boy to leap into a
- swimming-hole.
- </p>
- <p>
- “What shall I do?” she asked, presently.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Study art as hard as you can,” I said. “Botticelli may help you to forget
- Muggs. But don't fail to tell me what happens. I've got to know how Muggs
- gets along with his new affliction.”
- </p>
- <p>
- She agreed to keep me posted, and left us.
- </p>
- <p>
- A note came from Mrs. Fraley that afternoon. She wished to see me on a
- matter of business, and wouldn't we go and drink tea with them at five?
- They were spending the day in the Capitoline Museum, where Muriel was at
- work.
- </p>
- <p>
- We couldn't drink tea with them, and so Betsey proposed that we walk to
- the museum and see what they wanted. We did it.
- </p>
- <p>
- Miss Muriel was copying a figure of Socrates on the fragment of a frieze.
- The beauty disease had visibly progressed in her—hair a shade
- richer, eyes more strongly underscored. Old Socrates was so different,
- sitting in conversation and leaning forward on his staff. One bare foot
- rested comfortably on the other. They were a good-sized pair of
- industrious and reliable feet. He seemed to be addressing his argument to
- the young lady who sat before him. The expression of the big toe on his
- right foot indicated that it was not wholly unmoved by his words.
- </p>
- <p>
- Mrs. Fraley beckoned me aside and whispered:
- </p>
- <p>
- “The dear child is making wonderful progress. She is copying that for one
- of the New York magazines. Muriel has made a great social success in Rome.
- Mrs. Wartz has taken her up, and her name is in the Paris <i>Herald</i>
- almost every day.”
- </p>
- <p>
- In a moment she made an illuminating proposal:
- </p>
- <p>
- “I want to borrow fifty thousand dollars on good security—the bonds
- of the Great Bend & Lake Michigan Traction Company,” she said. “I
- would pay you a liberal fee if you would help me.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “It's a bad time to borrow money,” I answered. “Is it a bust or a
- painting?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Neither; it's Miss Muriel's marriage portion. The count has proposed, and
- I find that he is one of the dearest, noblest young men that ever lived.”
- </p>
- <p>
- There was no help for these people. An appeal to their minds was like
- shooting into the sky or writing in water. You couldn't land on them.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Oh, then it's a husband!” I exclaimed.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Yes, and we want to take him home with us.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “He requires cash down?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I believe it is usual.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Are you sure that Muriel could manage him? He's pretty coltish and has
- never been halter-broke. He might rare up an' pull away an' run off with
- the money.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “He loves her to distraction, he worships and adores her, and she is very,
- very fond of him.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “You are far from your friends here,” I said. “Suppose you ask the count
- to call on me and talk it over. It may be that I could arrange easy terms.
- Possibly we could even get him on the instalment plan, with a small
- payment down.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I would not dare suggest it,” said Mrs. Fraley.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Cable to your banker, and if the bonds are good he ought to be able to
- get the money for you.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I thought of that, but to save time I hoped that you would be willing to
- let me have it.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I wouldn't assist you to commit a folly which you are sure to regret,” I
- answered. “In my opinion he would be dear at ten dollars. It looks to me
- like taking over a liability instead of an asset.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “We didn't ask for your opinion,” said Miss Muriel, as she blushed with
- indignation.
- </p>
- <p>
- “My opinions are as easy to get as counts in Italy,” I said. “You don't
- have to ask for them. I give you one thing more—my best wishes.
- Good-by!”
- </p>
- <p>
- With that we left them. Things began to move fast. Norris came down to
- dinner, and we all sat together in the dining-room with the new count. It
- was the last despairing effort of mama to grasp the persimmon. She had
- boosted her daughter within easy reach of said persimmon, but Gwendolyn
- refused to pull it down. Her attitude was polite but firm.
- </p>
- <p>
- “It doesn't look good to me,” she seemed to be saying.
- </p>
- <p>
- The count told thrilling tales of royal friends and palaces, and they all
- rang like good metal, for this count was a real aristocrat. Still, “No,
- thanks” was in the voice and manner of Gwendolyn. He twanged airy
- compliments on his little guitar.
- </p>
- <p>
- “No, thanks!”
- </p>
- <p>
- Gwendolyn gave me a sly wink and suggested that I should tell a story. I
- saw what was expected of me and got the floor and kept it. Finally the
- count played his best trump. They would be invited to a fête in the palace
- of a certain noted prince.
- </p>
- <p>
- “No, thanks!” said Gwendolyn, before her mother could answer. “It is very
- kind of you, but we shall be so busy getting ready to sail.”
- </p>
- <p>
- The count took his medicine like a thoroughbred.
- </p>
- <p>
- “And you—you must not be astonished to see me in America before much
- time, I should say,” he answered.
- </p>
- <p>
- “What a joy to welcome you there!” Mrs. Norris exclaimed.
- </p>
- <p>
- Then followed a little duet in Fifth Avenue and Roman dialect with monocle
- and minuet accompaniment by the great artists Norris and Raspagnetti based
- on these allegations:
- </p>
- <p>
- <i>First: She was so glad to have had the great pleasure of meeting him.</i>
- </p>
- <p>
- <i>Second: He was so glad to have had the honor of meeting her and her
- daughter.</i>
- </p>
- <p>
- <i>Third: She was so sorry to say good-by.</i>
- </p>
- <p>
- <i>Fourth: She was a dear lady, and could never know how much pain it
- “afflicted upon him” to say good-by; but fortunately she was not leaving
- him hopeless.</i>
- </p>
- <p>
- The climax had passed.
- </p>
- <p>
- Gwendolyn got her hand kissed, and so did her mother—there was no
- dodging that—but it was our last experience with the hand-smackers
- of Italy.
- </p>
- <p>
- We had a happy American evening together in the Norris apartments, and
- Mrs. Norris seemed to enjoy my imitation of her parting with the count.
- The first occurrence of note in the morning was Mrs. Mullet. She was
- getting to be a perennial, but she grew a foot that day in our estimation.
- She had brought with her a note from Muggs. He was very ill in his room
- and begged her to come and see him as a last favor. What should she do?
- </p>
- <p>
- “Let's go and see him—you and I and Mrs. Potter,” was my suggestion.
- “This has all the ear-marks of a case of true love. My professional advice
- has never been sought in a case of that kind; but come on, let's see what
- there is to it.”
- </p>
- <p>
- We went and found Muggs abed, with a high fever. No more nonsense now!
- I've got to be decently serious for a few minutes. We were amazed to see
- how the sight of Mrs. Mullet affected him, and how tenderly he clung to
- her hands, and begged her to forget the man he had been. She turned to me
- with wet eyes and said:
- </p>
- <p>
- “I cannot leave him like this. I shall send for a nurse and doctor, and
- take care of him. He has no friends here.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Bully for you!” I said. “If he's out of money I'll help you pay the
- bills.”
- </p>
- <p>
- We went away a little mystified by this behavior on the part of Muggs.
- </p>
- <p>
- We were leaving next day for the south, and Mrs. Mullet came to say
- good-by to us. “How is your patient?” I asked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “He was delirious all night, and dictated letters to me as if I had been
- his stenographer. I took them down with a pencil. I have brought two of
- them for you to read. I do not understand them; perhaps you will know what
- they mean.”
- </p>
- <p>
- The first was addressed to a man in Mexico, and it said:
- </p>
- <p>
- <i>Dear Mack,—At last my ship has come in, and I am doing what I
- have longed to do for many years, and what I have dreamed of doing a
- thousand times. I inclose a check for all that I owe you, with interest.
- Forgive me. Please forgive me. I didn't know what I was doing. I expected
- to return it within a week, but I lost it all. I want you to tell every
- one that knows me that I am an honest man.</i>
- </p>
- <p>
- The second letter was to the Honorable Whitfield Norris, and it said:
- </p>
- <p>
- <i>Dear Sir,—At last I am able to do what I have wanted to do for
- years. I inclose a check for all the money you have given me, with
- interest to date. Please send me a receipt for the same. I always intended
- to make good and live honest, and I want you to think well of me, for I
- think that you are the greatest man I ever met.</i>
- </p>
- <p>
- All this puzzled me at first, and I went at once with Mrs. Mullet to
- Muggs's room. The sick man's fever had abated, and his head was clear.
- </p>
- <p>
- “You have been dictating a letter to Norris,” I said.
- </p>
- <p>
- “What letter?” he asked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Didn't you dictate a letter to Norris last night?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “No,” he answered, sadly.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Have you any money?” I asked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I have made a little money out of an old investment in a copper-mine,” he
- answered, in a faint voice. “It has begun to pay, and they have sent me
- eighteen hundred dollars. There's eleven hundred left. It's in the Banca
- d'Italia. In my book you'll find a check for that two hundred dollars.
- It's on the bureau there.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “You gave me that,” I said.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Did I?” he whispered, and was sound asleep in a few seconds.
- </p>
- <p>
- I returned to Mrs. Mullet, full of sober thought.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Those letters are the voice of his soul,” I said. “It really wants to pay
- up and be honest.”
- </p>
- <p>
- She saw my meaning and wept, and said, as soon as she could speak:
- </p>
- <p>
- “Perhaps, in the sight of God, he has already paid his debts.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “An honorable delirium isn't quite enough,” I said, “but it does show that
- his soul is acquiring good habits.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I'm so happy that you think so,” she answered.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Yes, I'd rather have him now with all his past than any count I have seen
- in Italy. There are all kinds of pasts, but Muggs is ashamed of his—that's
- something! Of course it isn't safe to jump at conclusions, but it looks as
- if the love of a decent woman had done a good deal for him.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I left her with a happy smile on her face, and way down in me I could hear
- my soul laughing at the wise old country lawyer who had got Muggs so
- securely placed in his rogue's gallery. He had been reading law in a
- better book than any on his shelves. I had once smiled when I had read in
- one of Mr. Chesterton's essays that “Christianity looks for the honest man
- inside the thief.” I said to myself that I had never seen the honest man
- aforementioned. But here he was at last. I described him to Betsey.
- </p>
- <p>
- “The love of that woman has done it,” said she.
- </p>
- <p>
- “The love of a good woman is a big thing,” I answered, as I put my arm
- around her. “Kind o' like the finger o' Jesus touching the eyes o' the
- blind—that's the way it looks to me.”
- </p>
- <p>
- Next day we drove to Naples. Good-by, Rome, city of lovely shapes and
- jeweled walls and golden ceilings, graveyard of races and empires,
- paradise of saints and industrious marryers! How's that for a valedictory?
- Well, you see, I bought a guitar, and it's time I began to practise.
- </p>
- <p>
- Naples is different. It's a kind of theater. There the very poor play the
- part of the starving mendicant as soon as they are able to walk; the cheap
- tradesman plays the self-sacrificing saint; the fairly well-to-do man
- plays the part of a millionaire with his trap and horses on the Via Roma,
- and every driver plays the tyrant. The song of the lash, which had its
- part in the ancient music of Persia, fills the air of the old city.
- </p>
- <p>
- It worried us, and we went to Sicily and spent a month at Taormina—a
- place of which I do not dare to speak for fear of dropping into poetry,
- and when I drop into poetry I make a good deal of a splash, as you may
- have observed, and it takes me a week to get dry. Norris fell in love with
- it, and so did the ladies. I wondered how I was going to get them to move,
- but not for long.
- </p>
- <p>
- Gwendolyn and I, sitting alone in the old Greek theater one lovely
- afternoon, had the talk for which I had been watching my chance.
- </p>
- <p>
- We sat looking out between the time-worn columns at Ætna and the sea.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I'm tired of ancient history!” said she, closing her guide-book.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Let's try modern history,” I suggested. “If you will let me be your
- Baedeker for a minute I should like to point out to you a noble structure
- in America which is 'clothed in majestic simplicity.'”
- </p>
- <p>
- “What is it?” she asked, eagerly.
- </p>
- <p>
- “The character of Richard Forbes,” I answered. “There's one fact in his
- history of supreme importance to you and me.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Only one!” she exclaimed.
- </p>
- <p>
- “At least one,” I answered. “It is this: for years he has known every
- unpleasant fact in the story of your father's life.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Uncle Soc,” she interrupted, with a look of joy in her face, “is it—is
- it really true, or are you just saying it to please me?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “It's really true,” I said. “When I can't help it I tell the truth. I'm
- never reckless or immoderate in the use of it, for there's no sense in
- giving it out in chunks so big that they excite suspicion. I'm kind o'
- careful with the truth when I tell ye that Richard Forbes is better than
- all the statues and paintings and domes and golden ceilings in Italy.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Uncle Soc, do you think that you could get rooms for us on the next
- steamer,” she asked.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Oh, what's your hurry?” I demanded.
- </p>
- <p>
- She rose and said, with a proud, imperious gesture:
- </p>
- <p>
- “Me for the United States!”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I've already engaged the rooms, for I knew what would happen after we had
- had our talk,” I said.
- </p>
- <p>
- We were waiting to take our steamer in Naples. The day after we reached
- there Mrs. Fraley called to see us. She had read in a Roman newspaper that
- we were at Bertolini's, and she had come over to talk with me “about a
- dreadful occurrence.” She had raised the spondoolix, and Miss Muriel had
- achieved the count. They had lived in paradise for three weeks and four
- days when the count got mad at Muriel and actually beat her over the
- shoulders with his riding-whip. It was all because the dear child had
- turkey-trotted with a young Englishman at a ball. She had meant no harm—poor
- thing!—all the girls were learning these new-fangled dances. Mrs.
- Fraley had naturally objected to the count's use of the whip, whereupon he
- had shown her the door and bade her leave his apartments. So she with the
- beautiful feet had been compelled to walk out of the place which her
- bounty had provided and go back to the dear old boarding-house. Muriel had
- followed her. They knew not what to do. Would I please advise her?
- </p>
- <p>
- “You've done the right thing,” I said. “Keep away from him. He'll be using
- his cane next. The whip is a good thing, but not if it comes too late in
- life.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “But how about my money?” she asked. “I can't afford to lose that.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “My dear madame, you have already lost it. You may as well charge that to
- the educational fund. To some people knowledge comes high. I had a good
- reason for advising you against this marriage. In our land every home is a
- little republic that plays its part in the larger republics of the town
- and the county, and the affairs of each home and the welfare of its
- inhabitants are the concern of all. Here every home is a little
- independent kingdom. Its master is its king. His will is mostly its law.
- When he gets mad his whip or his cane may fall upon the transgressor. It's
- the old feudal spirit—the ancient habit of thought and hand. Of
- course in most countries wife-beating is forbidden, but generally the
- woman knows better than to complain, for she finds that it doesn't pay. So
- she cringes and obeys and holds her tongue. In America that sort of thing
- doesn't go. If a man tries it, the republic of the town gets hold of him
- right away. Really, I'd about as soon have the rights of a goat as the
- rights of a woman in Europe. In spite of that she's often well treated.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I was interrupted by the porter's clerk, who came with a telegram. It was
- from Muriel, and it said:
- </p>
- <p>
- <i>Please tell my aunt to return immediately.</i>
- </p>
- <p>
- <i>We have made up, and are very, very happy, and we shall both be
- delighted to see her.</i>
- </p>
- <p>
- I read it aloud, and she rose and said:
- </p>
- <p>
- “I'm so glad. Please pardon me for troubling you again.”
- </p>
- <p>
- I pardoned her, and she went away, and so another American girl had begun
- to toughen her skin and adjust her spirit to the feudal plan.
- </p>
- <p>
- The day we sailed a curious thing came to pass in a letter to Norris from
- Muggs in the handwriting of Mrs. Mullet. It said:
- </p>
- <p>
- <i>I hope you will be glad to learn that good luck has come to me. I thank
- God that I am able to return the last sum of money you gave me, with
- interest to date. My check for it is inclosed herewith. An old investment
- of mine, long supposed to be worthless, has turned out well. I have sold a
- part of my stock in it, and with the rest I hope to square accounts with
- you before long. My health is better, and within a week or so I expect to
- be married to the noblest woman in the world.</i>
- </p>
- <p>
- The man's dream had come to pass. His check was in the letter, and there
- was good money behind it.
- </p>
- <p>
- “I congratulate you,” I said to Norris when he showed me the letter.
- “You've really found an honest man inside a thief.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Without your help it would have been impossible,” said he. “It's worth
- ten years of any man's life to have done it. I suppose there's an honest
- man inside every thief if we could only get at him.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “And no man is as bad as he seems, and, therefore, if you ever feel like
- shooting me—don't,” was my answer.
- </p>
- <p>
- “What luck that she didn't get hold of a count!” Betsey exclaimed. “She
- was one of the most willing marryers that ever crossed the sea.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “But she didn't know how to advertise,” I said. “Nobody knew that she had
- money. One personal in the London <i>Mail</i> or the Paris <i>Herald</i>
- would have crowded the Excelsior Hotel with impoverished noblemen.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “And yet I would have supposed that the worst of them would have been
- better than Muggs.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Not I,” was my answer. “Both Muggs and the counts have been mere
- adventurers—trying to get something for nothing. Muggs knew that he
- was doing wrong. His offense was so bad that he couldn't doubt its
- badness. But the consciences of the counts never get any exercise. They
- don't know that idleness is a crime, that a bought husband is baser than a
- poodle-dog. They are absolutely convinced of their own respectability. For
- that reason the average thief has a far better chance of being faced
- about.”
- </p>
- <p>
- We sailed. Mrs. Sampf, with a chestful of knockers, and the lumber king,
- with his bust and portrait, were among our shipmates. The latter had had a
- stroke of hard luck. Two gamblers at his hotel had won his confidence and
- taken a hank of his fleece at bridge whist. He had made up his mind that
- American playmates were more to his liking, that Grant was greater than
- Alexander, and that universal peace was a dream. This he confided to me
- one evening as we were lying off Gibraltar in the glare of the
- searchlights.
- </p>
- <p>
- Brooms of light were sweeping the waters for fear some sneaking nation
- would steal in upon them like a thief in the night.
- </p>
- <p>
- “These Europeans know better than to trust one another,” said I. “Billions
- for ships an' forts an' armies, an' every dollar of it testifies to the
- fact that not one of these powers can trust another. 'Yes, you're a good
- talker,' they seem to say, 'but I know you of old. I'll eat with ye, and
- drink with ye, and buy with ye, and sell with ye, but dinged if I'll trust
- ye!”'
- </p>
- <p>
- “They're a lot of scamps over here,” was the conclusion of Mr. Pike.
- </p>
- <p>
- “And especially unreliable in bridge whist,” I said.
- </p>
- <p>
- “But I've made money on the trip,” said the lumber king. “I bought some
- shares in a copper-mine for fifteen thousand dollars, and they're worth at
- least ten times that. I happened to know the mine, and he needed the
- money.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “If I were you I'd have the details of that transaction engraved on my
- bust and set it up in my bedroom,” I said, with a laugh.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Why so?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “It would give you a chance to get acquainted with yourself.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Oh, I was honest with him!” said he. “I told him I'd give him thirty days
- to redeem the stock.”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Was it Wilton?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Yes. Do you know him?”
- </p>
- <p>
- “I know him, and if the stock is as good as you say it will be redeemed.”
- </p>
- <p>
- And it was, and I began to understand why Pike had been hand in glove with
- Wilton. He had been trying to get hold of his property.
- </p>
- <p>
- We wept for joy at the sight of our native land—who doesn't?—and
- Norris, who looked as strong as ever, said that he longed to get back to
- his task.
- </p>
- <p>
- Richard met us at the dock, and the young people fell into each other's
- arms.
- </p>
- <div class="fig" style="width:50%">
- <img src="images/0006.jpg" alt="0006" width="100%" /><br />
- </div>
- <h5>
- <a href="images/0006.jpg"><img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a>
- </h5>
- <p>
- “Gwendolyn!” Mrs. Norris exclaimed. “Look here,” said I. “This pair of
- marryers is not to be interfered with any more.” Muggs and his new wife
- sailed on the <i>Titanic</i>, and he met his death on the stricken ship
- like a gentleman; but the bride was saved, and came to see us in Pointview
- and told us the story of that night.
- </p>
- <p>
- The ship was a part of the machinery of the great thought trust, which has
- the world in its grip. The power behind her engines was thinking in terms
- of dollars and cents—to be gained through the advertisement of a
- swift voyage—and down she went in a thousand fathoms of icy water.
- </p>
- <p>
- I said to Norris when we were speaking of this tragedy as we sat by his
- fireside:
- </p>
- <p>
- “The greatest of all commandments is this: 'Thou shalt have no other Gods
- before me.'”
- </p>
- <p>
- “Neither money nor titles, nor pride nor fear, nor power, nor church nor
- state,” he added.
- </p>
- <p>
- “Amen!” was my answer.
- </p>
- <p>
- Then there fell a long silence, and well down in the depths of it is the
- end of my story.
- </p>
- <h3>
- THE END
- </h3>
- <div style="height: 6em;">
- <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
- </div>
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-<pre>
-
-
-
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